Jeff Chase
Forum Replies Created
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Marketing Campaign
What I learned doing this assignment is that starting with ONE campaign and incorporating a combination of other campaigns can create a powerful, full-featured campaign.
I am using the following campaigns to market my BW AI project. They are:
#1: Can’t Travel, but Can Market – I can travel but choose not to at this time.
#3: Getting An Agent – I recently signed with a literary agent in L.A.
#5: Getting Recommendations – I recently received a coverage RECOMMEND on, The Backpack
#6: Marketing to Producers – I am going to concentrate on contacting the top 50 Christian/Faith based producers and productions companies.
#7: Building Your Network – I have a good database of producers and will continue to build it by contacting small production companies who have been involved with Christian and Faith based projects.-
This reply was modified 1 year ago by Jeff Chase.
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This reply was modified 1 year ago by
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Query Letter Draft ONE
What I learned doing this assignment is a powerful, hooky query letter gets results. The first time I sent this out, I got a script request. Looking forward to more.
Dear [producer],
What would you do if you discovered a backpack that had the power to save souls?
THE BACKPACK is a one-hour Christian Thriller pilot.
When JONAH ADAMS discovers a backpack in a vacant warehouse, he hopes it contains something of value. The homeless veteran has PTSD from his service in Afghanistan. He’s on the run from false charges of war crimes. And an Army CID agent is on a mission to hunt Jonah down and bring him to justice. But that’s not the worst of Jonah’s troubles…
The Army CID agent is possessed by a demon on a mission from Satan to murder Jonah.
Jonah finds an item in the backpack that helps a homeless woman become a reborn Christian. She thanks him, says he has a gift. But Jonah rejects this “mission from God”.
Then he finds items that weren’t in the backpack the day before. He’s mystified – and scared.
How does a hunted man who helps others find salvation, find it himself before he is murdered?
If you like the concept, I’ll be happy to send you the recommended script and pitch bible.
Take care.
Jeffrey Alan Chase
615-419-2766
Email: jeff@chaseinternet.com
BIO:
Multiple screenplay contest placements
SAG-AFTRA actor on IMDB
Multiple Recommended scripts with professional coverage-
This reply was modified 1 year ago by Jeff Chase.
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This reply was modified 1 year ago by
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Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Target Market
What I learned doing this assignment is how easy it is to find and contact producers and production companies that would be a good match for my project(s). You just need to make the time and do it. Great exercise.
After doing this several times in the various SU courses I’ve taken, it gets much easier and feels natural to do. It’s a major part of marketing my material.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Phone Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that a great phone pitch should be quick and easy to deliver. Get the most bang for my buck in the short time I have.
I will lead off my pitch with my high concept: What would you do if you discovered a backpack that had the power to save souls?
What’s the budget range?
$5,000,000 – 10,000,000 for the pilot.Who do you see in the main roles?
Jonah: Henry Cavill
James: Caleb McLaughlin
James: the next Will Smith
Katherine: Natalie Portman
Gino: Joe MantegnaHow many pages is the script?
60Who else has seen this?
Two small production companies.Why do you think this fits our company?
You have produced several successful projects in similar genres.How does the movie end?
The pilot ends with the protagonist visited by an angel who informs him that his mission, after all he’s been through in the pilot, is just beginning and that, “a war is coming”.Pitch Version 1: Leading with High Concept
Hi, this is Jeffrey Alan Chase and I’ve won several screenwriting contests and am a SAG actor.
I have a Christian Thriller called The Backpack and it is about a homeless veteran who finds a battered backpack, leading to a spiritual journey where the supernatural contents alter his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he encounters.
It’s like The Fugitive meets Touched by an Angel.Pitch Version 2: Leading with Component of Marketability
Hi, this is Jeffrey Alan Chase and I’ve won several screenwriting contests and am a SAG actor.
I have a Christian Thriller called The Backpack. It's about people returning to God during the End Times, showcasing Satan’s influence on world events through the eyes of a homeless veteran whose life changes after finding a mysterious, supernatural backpack.
It’s like The Fugitive meets Touched by an Angel.Pitch Version 3: Leading with Comps
Hi, this is Jeffrey Alan Chase and I’ve won several screenwriting contests and am a SAG actor.
I have a Christian Thriller called The Backpack.
Imagine The Fugitive meets Touched by an Angel – a homeless veteran finds a battered backpack, and the supernatural contents take him on a spiritual journey, altering his destiny and the lives of those in crisis he encounters.-
This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by Jeff Chase.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to have and be able to lay out my hooks that will form the basis of my pitch.
1. Tell us your credibility:
Several screenplay contest placements
SAG-AFTRA actor on IMDB
Multiple Recommended scripts with professional coverage2. Tell us your genre and title:
Christian Thriller
The Backpack3. What is your one or two sentence hook?
What would you do if you discovered a backpack that had the power to save souls?4. One or two sentence answer to each of these questions:
– What is the budget range?
I believe the budget to shoot the pilot should be in the $5,000,000 to $10,000,000 range.– What actors do you like for the lead roles?
Henry Cavill for Jonah– Give me the acts of the story.
Teaser: Set up Jonah getting hit by and IED, Abel being killed, Jonah charged with war crimes, Kane being possessed.
Act 1: Set up Jonah discovering the backpack, his issues and major conflict that he’s on the run.
Act 2: Jonah finds the backpack, saves the life of a woman with an item from it, meets trucker James who is affected by an item Jonah pulls from the backpack. Jonah meets traveling nurse Katherine.
Act 3: Katherine saves Jonah’s life, Jonah meets Gino/helps him with an item from the backpack to have the courage to dig up evidence on police corruption.
Act 4: We learn more about Kane who is hunting Jonah. We meet Jonah’s ex-wife and homeless center priest, Father Zeke and learn about their conflicts.
Act 5: Jonah is now determined to learn who created the backpack and why. He narrowly escapes Kane’s attempt on his life. Jonah is visited by an angel who sets him on his new path.– How does it end? (setup / payoff).
Jonah is visited by an angel who lets him know God isn’t done with him. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how much fun it is to see whether AI can come up with something as interesting as I do. It’s kind of a competition between us. I have to admit that AI has come up with several ideas I hadn’t thought of. I was then able to take them to new levels and have them say what I felt needed to be said.
Query Letter:
Dear [producer],What would you do if you discovered a backpack that had the power to save souls?
When JONAH ADAMS discovers a backpack in a vacant warehouse, he hopes something inside it can help him. The homeless veteran is on the run from false charges of war crimes. And he’s got PTSD from his service in Afghanistan. And now an Army CID agent has gone rogue and is on a mission to hunt Jonah down and bring him to justice. But that’s not the worst of Jonah’s troubles.
The Army CID agent is possessed by a demon with a mission from Satan to murder Jonah.
God works in mysterious ways. Jonah finds an item in the backpack that has a powerful effect on a homeless woman – and he brings her to Christ. But Jonah rejects his mission from God.
Then he finds an item in the backpack that wasn’t in it the day before.
How does a hunted man who helps others find salvation, find it himself before he is murdered?
If you like the concept, I’ll be happy to send you the Recommended script and pitch bible.
Take care.
Jeffrey Alan Chase
615-419-2766BIO:
Multiple screenplay contest placements
SAG-AFTRA actor on IMDB
Multiple Recommended scripts with professional coverage -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is how the answers come when I spend quality time with the questions and allow them to.
Concept = When a homeless veteran finds a battered backpack, his life takes a spiritual turn as the supernatural contents of it alter both his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he encounters.
Dilemma: Every person Jonah meets might turn him in to the authorities.
Main Conflict: What if you were on the run from charges of war crimes and the person hunting you was the ghost of your best friend?
What’s at stake? Jonah’s redemption and the redemption of everyone in crisis whom he meets.
Goal/Unique Opposition: How do you find out if a backpack was actually created by God?Elevator pitch: A homeless veteran’s life changes when he discovers a mysterious backpack tied to supernatural forces, impacting those in crisis. Think “Lost” meets “Touched by an Angel”.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is how much information I found for creating my pitch in my work on my script’s components of marketability and most interesting things. The volume of ideas enabled me to clearly come up with hooks for my synopsis/pitch. I know this will get stronger in the next couple of days.
Hooks used:
Unique: A homeless Army veteran must prove he’s innocent of war crimes.
Timely: More and more people are returning to God and interested in End Times prophecy.
Wide audience appeal: more than just typical Faith-based audience.
Similarity to a box-office success: Sound of Freedom, The Shack, Heaven is for Real, The Chosen
A U.S. Army CID officer has gone rogue and is possessed by a demon but doesn’t know it.
Jonah tries to throw the backpack away, but it bounces off a freight train, ricochets back at him.Synopsis:
What would you do if you discovered you had the power to save souls?U.S. Army veteran Jonah Adams hopes the beat-up backpack he just found has something in it he can use. He’s homeless. And on the run from false charges of war crimes. And he’s got PTSD from his service in Afghanistan where he and his best friend were blown up by a Taliban IED. And now an Army CID agent – Jonah’s best friend’s twin brother – has gone rogue and is on a mission to hunt Jonah down and bring him to justice. But that’s not the worst Jonah has to fear.
The Army CID agent is possessed by a demon with a mission to murder Jonah.
But God works in mysterious ways. Jonah finds an item of useless “junk” in the backpack that has a powerful influence on a homeless woman in crisis – and he bring her to Christ. But Jonah is angry with God because of childhood events, and his Afghan war experiences, and the Army filing false charges of war crimes against him.
Jonah rejects this mission from God. Then he finds items in the backpack that weren’t in it the day before.
How does a hunted man who helps others find salvation, find it himself before he is murdered?
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s 10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned doing this assignment is it makes a lot of sense to look at my script with the fresh perspective of making it desirable for a producer and/or a manager. Discovered a number of things that were just lying there waiting to be noticed.
A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
My villain is a conflicted U.S. Army officer who has gone rogue and is possessed but doesn’t know it. My hero is a homeless veteran who is on the run from false charges of war crimes and is being chased.B. Major hook of your opening scene?
Best friends turn into mortal enemies in a U.S. Army Humvee on patrol in Afghanistan as it comes under attack by Taliban.C. Any turning points?
Numerous. I’ve given all my act breaks major turning points and all my characters the same.
Jonah turns away from God, but something occurs that always brings him back. Ex-wife, Mary, wants to break away from her controlling father but then he offers her full control of his overseas company. James makes a clean break from drugs, then temptation and the lure of money sucks him back in.D. Emotional dilemma?
Jonah Zeke inspects the $100,000 in his office safe but can’t spend it or tell anyone he has it. Catherine has sworn off men but finds herself caring more than she wants to about Jonah.E. Major twists?
Jonah tries to throw the backpack away, but it bounces off a freight train’s windshield, flies back and floors him. Gino tries to be a good cop then asks for Jesus’ help to steal police security info. Mary argues with her father about providing him a grandchild, then drives to a rundown house where she lovingly caresses a baby boy – the son she can’t let her father know about.F. Reversals?
Multiple. Early on with Kane in his Army office. Jonah when he wants to trash the backpack but must save a homeless woman instead. James when he wants to avoid Jonah but winds up buying him a meal and more.G. Character betrayals?
Abel betrays Jonah. Mary betrays her father. Catherine betrays her employer. James betrays himself and his goals. Father Zeke betrays the homeless shelter and his faith.H. Or any big surprises?
Kane seems to be a dedicated Army major then becomes possessed. In the teaser, Jonah hates and wants nothing to do with God then when he’s injured in the IED explosion, begs Jesus to save him. We learn Mary divorced Johan to keep her father from learning she’d given birth to a son. James is on the road to renewal when he short circuits and gets back into drugs. And more. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase Producer/Manager
What I learned doing this assignment is to dig deep and come up with the answers necessary to create great pitches for producers and managers.
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
As a screenwriter who is professional, easy to work with, who has a compelling high concept idea that is unique, timely, and has the potential audience similar to Heaven is for Real and The Chosen.2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?
As a screenwriter who is professional, easy to work with, who has multiple high concept ideas and numerous Recommended scripts, and who has a serious work ethic, is career oriented, and who is driven to partner with someone in order to make some serious elephant bucks. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase Marketable Components
What I learned doing this assignment is I have several components in my script. Forced to concentrate on marketable components, I realized I had two more I could add to the script.
A. Unique: A homeless Army veteran must prove he’s innocent of war crimes.
B. Great Title: Says it all about what the story is about.
C. True: N/A
D. Timely — connected to some major trend or event: People returning to God, End Times
E. It’s a first: A compelling story in the “new” Christian Thriller genre.
F. Ultimate: Satan is about to take control of humankind.
G. Wide audience appeal: wider than just Faith-based.
H. Adapted from a popular book: N/A
I. Similarity to a box-office success: Sound of Freedom, The Shack, Heaven is for Real, The Chosen
J. A great role for a bankable actor:
1. A homeless Army vet with PTSD on the run from false charges of war crimes.
2. Twin brothers played by the same actor. One brother good. The other possessed.
3. A black, tattooed drug dealer turned born-again long-haul trucker.
4. A Jewish nurse obsessed with tracing her genealogy back to the time of Christ.
5. Ex-wife of the Army vet whose rich father forced her to divorce the vet.
6. A conflicted homeless shelter priest. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase Project and Market
FORMAT: One-hour serialized TV show
GENRE: Christian Thriller
TITLE: The Backpack
CONCEPT: When he finds a battered backpack, a homeless veteran’s life takes a spiritual turn as the supernatural contents of it alter both his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he encounters.
I believe my script will appeal to both the Christian market and those viewers who like a great thriller. I don’t know that the genre has ever been attacked like I plan to attack it.
I will market to producers first. I’ve put together a powerful pitch and feel I can sell it.
What I learned doing this assignment is I’m ready and raring to make great connections with producers who can option and/or purchase and produce my script. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase Finished Wordsmithing!
What I learned doing this assignment is it is always advisable to do one more draft/edit. Yes, I am seeking perfection here. Got a coverage Recommend on my script last Friday. I’m stoked.
Noteworthy changes:
I discovered two typos and a missing (V.O.) in my script.
I removed some bloat at the end of one scene and the beginning of another when transitioning from my Teaser to Act 1.
I changed the name of one character that was too similar to my protagonist.
I changed a slug line that wasn’t properly formatted or defined.
Added a “location” page to my pitch deck to give producers a better idea about recurring production costs. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase Has Amazing Description!
What I learned doing this assignment is how to tighten up my descriptions. There is a world of difference between my early drafts and my latest, polished draft. I think I’m making great progress at making my descriptions more concise and active.
EXAMPLE 1:
OLD: A woman exits the car. Meet CATHERINE SCHAFFER, 35. She kneels over Jonah. Frito appears from the darkness, licks Jonah’s face.
NEW: A woman exits the car. Meet CATHERINE SCHAFFER, 35. She kneels over Jonah. Frito appears, licks the man’s face.EXAMPLE 2:
OLD: Machine gun bullets SLAM into the building, concrete EXPLODES — glass SHATTERS — SCREAMS from injured people inside —
NEW: Machine gun bullets BLAST a neighboring building, concrete EXPLODES — glass SHATTERS — SCREAMS from people inside.EXAMPLE 3:
OLD: A long hallway, empty save for a bench next to MENS ROOM. A man sits there in an Army uniform stripped of all insignia. An ugly, recently healed gash graces the man’s forehead. He stares at the floor with vacant eyes. The man is Jonah.
NEW: A long hallway with closed office doors. Lettering on one door reads, “UNITED STATES COURT OF APPEALS”. A man sits on a hallway bench, his Army uniform stripped of all insignia. A large, recently healed scar on his forehead. He stares at the floor with vacant eyes. The man is Jonah.EXAMPLE 4:
OLD: Music BLARES from various bars. Tourists pack the sidewalks, enjoy the exciting atmosphere of Music City USA. A man with a full beard is swept aimlessly along in the human flow. The nametag on his frayed Army jacket reads, “TAYLOR”. He pushes long hair from his eyes to reveal an ugly old scar. Meet the new Jonah. Just one more unfortunate homeless person.
NEW: Music BLARES from numerous honky-tonks. TOURISTS pack the sidewalks, enjoy the electric atmosphere of Music City USA. A man with full beard is swept along in the human flow. The nametag on his frayed Army jacket reads, “TAYLOR”. He pushes long hair from his eyes, revealing a scar on his forehead. Meet the new Jonah. Just one more deplorable homeless person.EXAMPLE 5:
OLD: Meet FATHER ZEKE, 40, gentle, friendly — and tortured by a secret act of temptation that severed his connection to God. NEW: Meet FATHER ZEKE, 40, gentle, friendly, tortured by secrets. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase Has Great Introductions!
What I learned doing this assignment is again, there is always room for improvement. I thought my descriptions were solid, but I found several instances where I could elevate, 1) a homeless woman, 2) Father Zeke, and 3) Catherine and 4) Kane. All are now more compelling characters.
JONAH, protagonist: Originally, he was a little flat and only interested in killing Taliban in the Afghan war. I elevated him so that on Page 1 we know that he rejected God long ago and wants nothing more to do with Him as he performs what the Army requires of him. The irony at the end of the Teaser is that now when Jonah is injured by an IED, he asks Jesus to save his life.
KANE, antagonist: Using irony, I portray him as a caring individual who wants simply to bring Jonah to justice for the death of his twin brother… but is unknowingly driven by a demonic possession to do not only that but is also programmed to then murder Jonah.
CATHERINE, supporting character: I used descriptive lines to make sure that her set up as a Jewish woman searching for salvation was clearer.
GINO MORELLI, supporting character: I made Gino’s bi-polar issues stand out more right from his introduction and all through his lines in my pilot.
FATHER ZEKE, supporting character: Using irony, I set him up as caring and involved with all of his homeless charges… then show him with stacks of hundred-dollar bills that he will never be able to spend. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase Description 1!
What I learned doing this assignment is, per usual, there is always room for improvement. I really enjoy reducing descriptions to the bare minimum. If done well, it gives the script room to breathe.
EXAMPLE 1:
OLD: A FLASH of lightning. THUNDER. Noah splashes through puddles as he sprints down the sidewalk away from the building.
NEW: Jonah sprints to freedom on the wet sidewalk.
EXAMPLE 2:
OLD: Jonah clutches the backpack like a shield, backs away from Kane in horror —
NEW: Jonah clutches the backpack to his chest, backs from Kane.
EXAMPLE 3:
OLD: They SCREAM, run in fear. Sissy’s high heels slip and she face plants in a puddle, painfully rises and limps after Gin.
NEW: Sissy’s high heels slip, she falls, rises, limps after Gin.
EXAMPLE 4:
OLD: She injects him, withdraws the needle, gently rubs his skin — where her fingers linger a moment, a smile comes to her lips.
NEW: She injects him, gently rubs his skin. Her fingers linger. She watches his face, enjoys his warmth.
EXAMPLE 5:
OLD: But his body goes rigid. He turns and walks along the roof edge in gawky, long steps ala Frankenstein
NEW: He quickly pivots and goose-steps along the edge of the roof.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Has Great Dialogue!
What I learned doing this assignment is how great it is to have the dialogue worksheet. I was going to create my own, then saw that Hal had already done one for us. I’ve used multiple skill sets to improve my dialogue.
EXAMPLE #1
SKILL: Attack/Counter attack
OLD:
For a meal like this I’d gladly nearly get run over again….What is it about the backpack?
NEW:
That’s like the hundredth time.
EXAMPLE #2
SKILL: Subtext
OLD: Make you less obvious if the Army’s after you.
NEW: Make you less obvious. The Army?
EXAMPLE #3
SKILL: Dialogue as action
OLD: And feeling sorry for yourself. Well, you are…I just want you to pray for me. Maybe it’ll help.
NEW: Maybe you can take some of that energy you’re wasting on feeling sorry for yourself and pray for me, help me do what I gotta do!
EXAMPLE #4
SKILL: Setup / Payoff
OLD: I tried to get rid of it…
NEW: Wish I could help you but…
EXAMPLE #5
SKILL: Speak through character profiles
OLD: There will be a lot more if Adams shows up. He’s a dangerous man.
NEW: There’ll be more if Adams shows up. Thanks for your service, Father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Dialogue 7 – 8
What I learned doing this assignment is there is always room for improvement. Every time I go through my dialogue using these lessons I discover new ways to elevate things. Great stuff.
DIALOGUE AS ACTION:
OLD VERSION:
Millard paces to a large window.
MILLARD (CONT’D)
Our Australian branch needs new management.
MARY
What’s that got to do with me?
MILLARD
I want you to manage it.
Mary stares, stunned —
MILLARD (CONT’D)
Shouldn’t take more than a year to fix things, maybe two, tops.
MARY
What are you up to?
NEW VERSION:
Millard paces to a large window.
MILLARD (CONT’D)
Australian office needs new blood.
MARY
What’s that got to do with me?
MILLARD
You’re going to manage it.
Mary stares, stunned.
MILLARD (CONT’D)
Shouldn’t take more than a year to fix things. Maybe two, tops.
MARY
What are you up to?
Millard won’t meet her gaze.
MARY (CONT’D)
Tell me!
SUBTEXT:
OLD VERSION:
INT. CATHERINE’S CAR – LATER
Catherine drives, keeps glancing at Jonah.
CATHERINE
Sure you’re okay?
Jonah rubs his scar, woozy, slurs his words.
JONAH
Not sure I ‘member wha’ happened.
CATHERINE
Did you get hit by a car?
JONAH
…Oh, yeah…It was a train.
She turns to him, sure that he’s kidding — but he’s serious.
JONAH (CONT’D)
I was arguing with God.
CATHERINE
Looks like you lost.
Catherine senses Jonah’s inner turmoil —
CATHERINE (CONT’D)
All I know is you were in the road, unconscious, no major trauma with a dog and a backpack.
JONAH
Oh yeah…backpack.
He glares at the bag lying by his feet on the floorboard.
JONAH (CONT’D)
Can’t seem to get rid of it.
NEW VERSION:
INT. CATHERINE’S CAR – LATER
Catherine drives, nervous, on guard.
CATHERINE
Did you get hit by a car?
Jonah rubs his scar, tries to clear the cobwebs.
JONAH
Not sure I…Oh, yeah. I ‘member now. It was a train.
CATHERINE
(sotto voce)
Great. He’s homeless and meshuga.
JONAH
I was arguing with God.
CATHERINE
Looks like you lost.
He glances at the backpack near his feet on the floor.
JONAH
Can’t seem to get rid of it.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Dialogue 3 – 5
What I learned doing this assignment is that this dialogue exercise, like the others, elevates my dialogue and my script. Several dialogue changes also led to scene changes and improvements.
Old Setup/Payoff:
GINO
Okay, so you got blown up, your brain ain’t the same, can’t remember stuff, you got PTSD and you’re homeless…
Noah nods to himself in agreement.
GINO (CONT’D)
And feeling sorry for yourself.
(off Noah’s look)
Well you are…I just want you to pray for me. Maybe it’ll help.
NOAH
(defeated sigh)
From what you say, no way you can get into the police database files.
GINO
Maybe. Maybe not.
New Setup/Payoff:
GINO
Yeah, you’ve had it rough. Got blown up, the ol’ brain ain’t the same, can’t remember stuff, dealing with PTSD, you’re homeless and…
Jonah nods along in agreement.
GINO (CONT’D)
Maybe you can take some of that energy you’re wasting on feeling sorry for yourself and pray for me, help me do what I gotta do!
He hits a nerve. But Jonah shakes his head, still won’t cave.
JONAH
From what you say, no way you can get into the police database files.
GINO
But Jesus might be able to.
GINO
Yeah, you’ve had it rough. Got blown up, the ol’ brain ain’t the same, can’t remember stuff, dealing with PTSD, you’re homeless and…
Jonah nods along in agreement.
GINO (CONT’D)
Maybe you can take some of that energy you’re wasting on feeling sorry for yourself and pray for me, help me do what I gotta do!
He hits a nerve. But Jonah shakes his head, still won’t cave.
JONAH
From what you say, no way you can get into the police database files.
GINO
(big smile)
But Jesus might be able to.EXT. COUNTRY TWO LANE ROAD – NIGHT
Middle of nowhere. Noah trudges along, hands in pockets. No traffic, no need to put a thumb out. He talks to himself.
NOAH
So, the plan is…Yeah, I need a plan. And a goal. Something to look forward to.
Uncomfortable, he shifts the backpack on his shoulders.
NOAH (CONT’D)
And there’s no way I’m on some frigging mission from God.
New Anticipatory:
EXT. COUNTRY TWO LANE ROAD – NIGHT
Middle of nowhere. Jonah trudges along, hands in pockets. No traffic, no need to put his thumb out. He mutters to himself.
JONAH
Yeah, I need a plan. And a goal. Something to look forward to. Float down my river…And what then?
Old Irony:
JUDY
Thank you, Noah. You’ve given me a reason to…I know I can go on.
NOAH
Hey, it wasn’t me. I only —
JUDY
– It was you. And God.
She stands. He rises.
NOAH
I just couldn’t sit back and…
She gently lays a hand on his lips.
JUDY
You have a gift. Use it.
She walks away.
NOAH
Where will you go?
She turns.
JUDY
Father Zeke’s. He likes stories. And I have a good one for him.
NOAH
I’ll pray for you.
Judy beams.
Noah looks stunned — why did I say that?
He gazes at the backpack — at the dumpster.
NOAH (CONT’D)
What just happened here?
New Irony: (protag’s name has been changed.)
Suddenly uncomfortable, Jonah’s brow furrows in thought.
JONAH
I suppose.
JUDY
I never asked your name.
JONAH
Uh, Larry. Larry Taylor.
He flicks the name tag on the ratty Army jacket.
JUDY
I’m Judy. You’ve given me a lot to think about.
JONAH
Hey, it wasn’t me. I only —
JUDY
– It was you. And God.
She looks at her cross, stands. He joins her.
JONAH
I just couldn’t sit back and…
She gently lays a hand on his lips.
JUDY
You have a gift. Use it.
JONAH
…Where will you go?
JUDY
Father Zeke’s. He likes a good story. And I have a whopper.
JONAH
Enjoy your life. I’ll pray for you.
Judy beams. She turns, walks away.
Jonah puts a hand to his mouth. Did I just say that?
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Dialogue 1 + 2
What I learned doing this assignment is how improving my dialogue also helped me to tighten up my story, elevate my characters and solve one problem. My characters are now speaking in their voice, rather than mine. The cool thing is there’s still room for improvement.
There were numerous scenes I elevated. This one is where a trucker buys the protag a meal. (NOTE: I’ve changed the name of the protag from Noah to Jonah.)
INT. RESTAURANT – LATER
James and Noah sit in a booth. Noah shovels in his food.
NOAH
Really appreciate this, James.
JAMES
It’s like you ain’t eaten for days.
NOAH
That’s for sure.
JAMES
My pleasure.
NOAH
For a meal like this I’d gladly
nearly get run over again….What
is it about the backpack?
James doesn’t understand —
NOAH (CONT’D)
Can’t keep your eyes off it.
James studies Noah —
JAMES
I think I’ve seen it before.
Noah CHOKES on his mouthful —
JAMES (CONT’D)
Four years ago. A woman. Whew…
(off Noah’s stare)
I’m headed for Memphis. Want to
ride along? Maybe talk some.
Noah swallows —NEW DIALOGUE
INT. RESTAURANT – LATER
James and Jonah sit in a booth. Jonah shovels in his food.
JONAH
Really appreciate this, James.
JAMES
It’s like you ain’t eaten for days.
JONAH
Can’t remember when…
James glances at the backpack sitting next to Jonah.
JONAH (CONT’D)
What is it about the backpack?
James doesn’t understand.
JONAH (CONT’D)
Can’t keep your eyes off it.
James studies Jonah — and the backpack.
JAMES
I think I’ve seen it before.
Jonah CHOKES on his mouthful.
JAMES (CONT’D)
Four years ago. A woman. Whew…
James is overwhelmed by emotion.
JAMES (CONT’D)
I’m headed for Memphis. Want to
ride along? Maybe talk some.
Jonah nods, swallows. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase Completed P/S Grid #2
What I learned doing this assignment is creating a great outline makes writing an absolute joy. I’m on my second edit of my pilot. Finding a number of things to elevate. Getting a number of new ideas to incorporate.
I’ve elevated the following. Still a work in progress:
2. Not Enough Empathy/Distress – still want to elevate my protag. It’s an interesting dilemma in that my pilot is a “traveling angel” story. My protag changes less that the people whom he meets. But I still feel I can elevate him more.
6. Characters Need More Depth – fixed a bunch of things here. Still more to do.
11. When do I Reveal What? – this is one of the big areas that I’m still refining – and having fun doing it.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Completed P/S Grid #1
What I learned doing this assignment is that if I follow the carefully laid out steps before me, my script is rapidly getting stronger day by day. It’s great, for me anyway, to have a set procedure to follow in improving my script. And it works every time I do it.
#2 – The main conflict in my story is a hybrid of a traveling angel and a typical protag/antag(s) set up. I need to up the ante on my protag’s conflict in several areas.
#8 – Also need to make my Act 3 cliffhanger stronger, as it currently is driven by one of my B story characters. I feel like I need to switch him out for my protag, and put him in a cliffhanger situation.
#11 – Also need to elevate my protag’s transformational journey. He at times seems to be just going along with the flow. But, he is the active force that is changing all the other characters around him. I know that his arc is apparent, but I feel I can make it stronger.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Has Finished Act 4 + 5
What I learned doing this assignment is I ALWAYS need to write a comprehensive beat sheet/outline before starting to write another script of any kind. I am amazed at how I was able to write my pilot. Just finished. 56 pages. Now for edit #1. Yay!
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Finished Act 3
What I learned doing this assignment is I’m amazed at how I am buzzing along on my script. The outline I was “forced” to write makes the pages come easily.
Rule 1: Use empowering self-talk. Cheer yourself on. – ALWAYS USE
Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts – ALWAYS USE
Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts – ALWAYS USE
Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers – ALWAYS USE
Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out – ALWAYS USE
Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! – ALWAYS USE
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Finished Act 2
What I learned doing this assignment is what a pleasure it is to know that I worked hard to put together a great outline and that it now is making my pilot writing come alive, both with the ideas already in my outline, and NEW ideas that are popping up, which make the story even stronger.
Rule 1: Use empowering self-talk. Cheer yourself on. – ALWAYS USE
Rule 2: Understand writing in drafts – ALWAYS USE
Rule 3: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts – ALWAYS USE
Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers – ALWAYS USE
Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t allow yourself to ever stall out – ALWAYS USE
Rule 6: Even if you can’t create it now, you will be able to at some point in the future! – ALWAYS USE
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Finished Act 1 First Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is that working from my outline that I was “forced” to write is making writing my script a sheer pleasure. I’m moving along, completed Act 1 several hours ago.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Teaser / High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this assignment is I have a bad habit of spending too much time on certain chunks of dialogue and/or scene descriptions. The perfectionist in me keeps rearing its nefarious head. I’m forcing myself to speed write as much as I know I’ll be getting better at it as I go.
Title: THE BACKPACK
One-Hour Serialized Christian Thriller
Show Concept: When he finds a battered backpack, a homeless veteran’s life takes a spiritual turn as the supernatural contents of it alter both his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he encounters.
FADE IN:
TEASER
EXT. AFGHANISTAN – KABUL NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
A U.S. Army Humvee patrols a dust-choked street. Laundry
dries in the breeze above an open sewer. Yeah, this is
religious perfection under the merciless rule of the Taliban.INT. HUMVEE – DAY
Sgt. NOAH ADAMS, 30, stands in the machine gun turret. Battle
hardened, cynical. His eyes constantly scan for threats.NOAH
I’m telling ya, all these recent UFO
reports is just more of the government
lying to us.At the wheel, Lt. ABEL KANE, 35, quick-witted, Noah’s best
bud, glances up at Noah with wrinkled brow.ABEL
Thought you said they were real. “Trust
the Air Force fighter jock who filmed
one”, you said.Two other SOLDIERS, dressed for combat, sit in the rear of
the Humvee, absorb the bumpy ride best they can.NOAH
Not so sure anymore. Wondering if they
might be demons, part of Satan’s plan, ya
know?One GI in back chuckles, rolls his eyes. The other takes
Noah’s words seriously.Noah stares hard at the horizon with a worried look.
NOAH (CONT’D)
Had another dream last night.Abel looks up at Noah —
NOAH (CONT’D)
Yeah…another frigging angel.Abel turns his attention back to the road ahead.
ABEL
Not turning into some bible beating,
sermon quoting weirdo dude on me, now are
you, Noah?NOAH
God deserted me a long time ago, Abel.
But I…something felt different when I
woke up today.Noah draws a breath —
NOAH (CONT’D)
Maybe aliens are demons and it’s part of
Satan’s plan to deceive us.Abel’s face loses all expression. One eye twitches —
A bullet PINGS off the armored plate surrounding Noah.
NOAH (CONT’D)
Jesus H Christ!The “real” Noah is suddenly back, alert ready for action.
ABEL
Now, that’s my Noah!Abel consults his digital readouts —
ABEL (CONT’D)
Target three-hundred, one o’clock!Noah’s machine gun spits fire – BRRRRP — again — BRRRRP!
AK-AK-AK-AK — bullets PING off the side of the Humvee —
NOAH
We’re in a cross fire!ABEL
Sniper on roof with RPG!Noah rotates his machine gun — spots the sniper — BRRRRP!
EXT. CRUMBLING APARTMENT BUILDING – SAME TIME
A three-story jumble of makeshift blocks and beams. Noah’s
bullets RAKE the roof line where a SNIPER ducks out of sight.NOAH
Steady my aim, Jesus, baby.Abel’s body contorts in pain — his eyes frantic, fearful —
NOAH (CONT’D)
Praise Daddy, the dude and mama bear.
Prepare to die, damn you.The man stands up with the RPG for a quick shot — BRRRRP —
chunks of concrete fly from the building facade. Tango down.Abel draws his sidearm — aims at Noah —
Noah scans the apartment building for other threats —
Abel’s face fills with terror — something — or someone is
forcing him to do this. I DON’T WANT TO KILL NOAH!He calms, his face loses all expression — one eye twitches —
Noah glances down at Abel — sees the barrel of the gun —
NOAH (CONT’D)
Abel?A spark of recognition fills Abel’s eyes — then sadness.
He quickly takes the gun off Noah — jams it under his chin —
his body spasms — his free arm jerks the steering wheel —The Humvee swerves sharply — Noah hangs on for dear life —
accidentally pulls the trigger — BRRRRP! BRRRRP!Machine gun bullets SLAM into the building, concrete EXPLODES
— glass SHATTERS — SCREAMS from injured people inside —Noah and Abel lock eyes —
The Humvee speeds over a taut wire — BOOM!
The IED EXPLOSION lifts the Humvee ten feet in the air — it
CRASHES back to earth — a broken, smoking hulk of metal.The two GIs in back, both dead. Abel sprawled half way out of
the Humvee, eyes open in a death mask of terror.Noah lies nearby, bloodied, barely alive — he whispers —
NOAH (CONT’D)
Jesus…please…save me.He goes unconscious. Somewhere a rooster CROWS. Stillness.
EXT. ARMY COURTS-MARTIAL – WASHINGTON D.C. – DAY
A summer THUNDER storm pounds the bland government building.
INT. ARMY COURTS-MARTIAL – HALLWAY
A long hallway, empty save for a bench next to MENS ROOM. A
man sits there in an Army uniform stripped of all insignia.
An ugly, recently-healed gash graces the man’s forehead. He
stares at the floor with vacant eyes. The man is Noah.Two Army MP’s, JOEY and DAN, flank their prisoner, at ease,
they banter in an Army version of good-cop-bad-cop.JOEY
Hang in there, Noah. There’s a good
chance for acquittal.DAN
Murder. War crimes. Probably gonna get
life in Leavenworth.A FLASH of lightning — thunder BOOMS outside the building.
JOEY
Didn’t hear any real proof, Dan.DAN
What more do you need, Joey? Two
corporals and his lieutenant dead? Afghan
family of twelve, massacred?JOEY
I just get the feeling…we haven’t heard
the whole story, ya know.Another BOOM. The lights flicker.
DAN
Yeah, right.Noah’s body suddenly spasms — a sickly look fills his face.
JOEY
You okay, Noah?NOAH
Don’t feel so good.Noah coughs — dry heaves.
DAN
Wouldn’t be feeling too good myself in
your shoes, dude.Another BOOM of thunder — the lights go out. Darkness.
JOEY
What the hell?Noah stands on wobbly legs, dry heaves again —
NOAH
Need to…Noah staggers into the bathroom.
A CRASH from an office down the hallway — a woman SCREAMS.
A YELL of pain from a man somewhere nearby —
DANNY
What do we do?JOEY
Stay with Noah. I’ll check it out.Joey sprints down the hallway.
INT. MENS ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Noah in a stall, pukes black slime — it stinks, looks evil.
Danny enters, GAGS at the smell, covers his nose, mutters —
DANNY
What the…Damn. Looks like you’ll be
busy in here a while.Another SCREAM of someone in distress close by —
Danny glances between Noah — and the door — Danny exits.
DANNY (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Joey…where are you?!Noah GROANS, his body spasms as though he’s in some kind of
violent, internal battle to the death.A glowing, white brilliance envelops his body. He forces
himself to his feet — suddenly feels normal. What the…?INT. MENS ROOM DOOR – MOMENTS LATER
Noah pokes his head out, looks both ways. It’s clear —
EXT. ARMY COURTS-MARTIAL – WASHINGTON D.C. – DAY
A FLASH of lightning. THUNDER. Noah sloshes through puddles
as he sprints down the sidewalk away from the building.EXT. ARMY CID HEADQUARTERS – QUANTICO, VA – DAY
Criminal Investigation Division. Typical government building.
INT. ARMY CID HEADQUARTERS – KANE’S OFFICE – DAY
Sparsely furnished. A desk nameplate reads, Maj. Seth Kane.
KANE, 35, gazes with a mixture of love and sadness at a desk
photo of Abel, his twin brother, and himself as kids.Cpl. JOHNSON enters, closes the door, notes Kane’s demeanor —
CORPORAL JOHNSON
Sorry for your loss, sir.Kane shakes his head, sets the photo aside, forces a smile —
KANE
Our dad was a preacher, weird sense of
humor. Wanted to play a joke on God, I
suppose. So he named us Seth and Abel.
With our last name Kane, dad had all
three sons of Adam.Kane draws a breath, regains his composure, all business.
KANE (CONT’D)
I should have been over there with him,
Johnson.CORPORAL JOHNSON
Yes, sir.KANE
That damn Sullivan rule. Abel used it to
get me assigned stateside while
he…Verdict still not in?CORPORAL JOHNSON
Should be soon, sir.KANE
Still can’t believe Abel’s gone…But, we
have to trust the system. Right, son?
That murderer will get his due reward.CORPORAL JOHNSON
Yes, sir.Kane stares at his desk photo with steel hard eyes.
KANE
And I sincerely hope that —Someone RAPS impatiently on Kane’s office door —
KANE (CONT’D)
Come.Kane’s SECRETARY enters, clasped hands, nervous, stammers —
SECRETARY
Uh, ju…just got a c…call, sir.
Sergeant Noah Adams —KANE
– Tell me he got life.SECRETARY
He, uh, he…escaped custody, sir.KANE
What!Kane holds his head in his hands on his desk —
KANE (CONT’D)
Oh, my god…He draws a deep breath, looks up both, purses his lips —
KANE (CONT’D)
They have any leads about where —His body suddenly spasms, his back arches at a weird angle.
CORPORAL JOHNSON
Sir, are you…Kane relaxes — his eyes wild with shock and surprise —
Kane spasms again, his body twisting grotesquely —
KANE
Get out. Both of you.SECRETARY
But sir, you seem —KANE
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! NOW!They quickly exit the office. The door SLAMS shut.
Kane’s body trembles uncontrollably —
KANE (CONT’D)
What is happening…His face reveals pure terror. He clenches his fists, fights
whatever is trying to take control of his body —A horrified look of realization fills his eyes — he can’t
win — a WHINE of despair escapes his lips. His body relaxes.Kane’s face loses all expression. One eye twitches — his
voice is deeper, devoid of all emotion —KANE (CONT’D)
Yes. Yes…I understand.END TEASER
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Outline With Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is once more well everything is coming together. I’m stoked with this rough draft of my outline. Several new scenes have been added, one new character, and numerous new ideas incorporated.
Title: THE BACKPACK
One-Hour Serialized Christian Thriller
Show Concept: When he finds a battered backpack, a homeless veteran’s life takes a spiritual turn as the supernatural contents of it alter both his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he encounters.
Inciting Incident: Noah discovers a battered backpack in an abandoned warehouse.
FADE IN:
TEASER
EXT. AFGHANISTAN – KABUL NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
An Army Humvee patrols a dusty street. NOAH ADAMS in turret.
Noah talks about aliens and demons. He mocks God, blasphemes
Jesus. His buddy at the wheel, ABEL KANE agrees. Two other
soldiers inside, look uneasy with the discussion.
NOAH
But maybe that’s just Satan’s plan.
To deceive the “true believers”.
Humvee swerves, Noah accidentally rakes apartment, kills
innocent family. In shock, Noah locks eyes with Abel —
The Humvee hits an IED. BOOM! Everyone dead except Noah with
severe head wound. Noah begs Jesus to help him — faints.
Start: A normal patrol, 4 soldiers, normal blaspheming banter
Challenging Situation: death may be around every corner
Conflict: sniper fire
Action: return fire but accidentally kill civilians
Finish: death to all except Noah
Intrigue:
OL: What the heck is going on with Abel?
M: Why did the Humvee swerve sharply?
E/D: Empathy for the murdered Afghan family. Noah’s anguish.
Set up: Noah’s PTSD, his other injuries and plot against him.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Deception, Hidden Agenda
EXT. ARMY COURTS-MARTIAL – WASHINGTON D.C. – DAY
Lightning, THUNDER. A bland government building.
INT. ARMY COURTS-MARTIAL – HALLWAY
Noah sits with scar on forehead and vacant look on a bench
guarded by two uniformed men, exposition about Noah’s charges
and banter about the soon-to-be-rendered decision.
Noah feels uncomfortable, sick to his stomach, goes to
bathroom, power goes off, a woman screams, a guard enters
bathroom where Noah has convulsion, pukes, both guards ill,
go help woman. Noah suddenly feels okay, walks to freedom.
Start: Noah awaits verdict for war crime charges.
Challenging Situation: Might go to prison for life.
Conflict: He claims he is innocent, couldn’t control his aim
on the target because Abel, the Humvee driver —
Action: Power goes out. Does God intercede on Noah’s behalf?
Finish: Noah walks to freedom.
Intrigue: why did the power go off?
OL: What will happen next to Noah?
M: Why did he feel sick?
E/D: We feel for him, wrongly accused. He is sick, in pain.
Set up: Did Noah just prevent a possession?
MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery
EXT. ARMY CID HEADQUARTERS – QUANTICO, VA – DAY
Criminal Investigation Division. A bland government building.
INT. ARMY CID HEADQUARTERS – KANE’S OFFICE – DAY
Major SETH KANE, looks with sadness at a desk photo of, Abel,
his twin brother and himself as kids. A Lieutenant enters.
Kane reveals dad’s naming joke, set up his pain about loss of
Abel, also his belief the system will work to convict Noah.
A corporal enters, upset, reveals Noah escaped custody. Kane
sighs, then has a seizure, recovers. Asks the men to leave.
They wonder if he’s okay. He SCREAMS for them to get out.
Kane resists what’s happening to him — but can’t, whines —
KANE
Yes, yes…I understand.
Start: Kane is a professional soldier, cool as a cucumber.
Challenging Situation: Learns his brother’s “killer” escaped.
Conflict: believes in the system, but now isn’t sure.
Action: Suffers a strange “seizure”, in pain can’t fight it.
Finish: Kane is changed; a grim, determined look in his eyes.
Intrigue:
OL: What just happended to Kane?
M: Why the siezures?
E/D: We feel sorry for his loss, he’s in physical distress.
Set up: This is Kane’s inciting incident. He’s possessed.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Conspiracy
ACT ONE
EXT. NASHVILLE – LOWER BROADWAY AVENUE – DAY
Music. Tourists. Homeless people. One is NOAH ADAMS, now
heavily bearded, scar on his forehead. The name on his ragged
Army jacket reads, “TAYLOR”. He seems confused, begs change.
POV from on the street nearby — someone clocks Noah.
Start: Noah, now bearded, trying to stay under the radar.
Challenging Situation: He’s homeless, hungry, broke.
Conflict: Everyone he meets might turn him in.
Action: He wanders aimlessly.
Finish: Someone is very interested in where he goes.
Intrigue: Who is following Noah and why?
OL: What will happen to Noah if he’s caught?
M: Who is interested in him?
E/D: He’s broke and homeless and a bit confused with PTSD.
Set up: This is Noah’s new world.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Intriguing World
EXT. NASHVILLE – ALLEY – DAY
Noah talks to several people, we learn more about him, he
checks unlocked back doors, gets chased away from one, “you
bum”. THUNDER. It starts to rain hard.
POV from somewhere close – someone watches Noah.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent Threat
EXT. NASHVILLE – WAREHOUSE DISTRICT – NIGHT
It’s raining. Noah slogs through puddles, exhausted, hungry.
He disappears around the corner of an old, vacant building.
The company name, the letters painted long ago, now badly
faded, unreadable in the darkness, wind and rain.
POV from somewhere nearby – someone follows after Noah.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent Threat
EXT. VACANT WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Noah peeks through a broken window, climbs inside.
INT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Noah explores, nothing of value. Checks refrigerator, several
items spoiled, except one can of soda. He drinks, remembers —
INSERT COURTHOUSE FOOTAGE
Noah left alone by guards, he now remembers fighting against
“something” — but he won and walked from the courthouse.
BACK TO SCENE
MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery
Noah sarcastic, “I’m free. Thanks a lot, God”. Noah notices
something hidden under a bench, a battered backpack, checks
it out. Worthless junk inside, except a small cross, “God
Loves You” on it. Maybe he can sell the mess for a few bucks.
A MAN steps from shadows, gun drawn, confronts Noah. It is
SETH KANE, Abel’s twin. Noah reacts like he’s seeing a ghost.
Kane looks conflicted, a major internal battle is going on.
He aims at Noah — Noah jumps out the window with backpack.
Start: Noah homeless on the street.
Challenging Situation: Noah seeks shelter.
Conflict: Finds no food, nothing to ease his pain.
Action: Discovers backpack.
Finish: A ghost from Noah’s past shows up, tries to kill him,
Noah escapes through broken window.
Intrigue: Was Kane following Noah? What is this backpack?
OL: Will Kane and Noah meet again?
M: Why didn’t Kane shoot Noah?
E/D: Noah is falsely accused, broke and hungry.
Set up: Noah now possesses the backpack.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent Threat
EXT. DOWNTOWN CITY STREET – DAY
Noah walks, anxious. Tries to sell backpack. No takers.
Intrigue: Is there anything valuable in the backpack?
OL: Will Noah be able to sell it?
M: What role will it play in Noah’s life?
E/D: He needs money. Someone is chasing him.
Set up: Noah is now on the run.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Intriguing World
EXT. ANOTHER CITY STREET – DAY
Noah is fed up with carrying the worthless backpack, has a
major PTSD episode. Sees Abel’s face — alive and dead,
remembers other things that happened before the IED.
Intrigue: Is the backpack forcing him to remember things?
OL: Will he remember everything that happened to him?
M: What role will the backpack play in his life?
E/D: He’s in emotional pain. Psychological distress.
Set up: Noah’s first decision about the backpack.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Wound
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
Noah’s about to toss backpack into dumpster — horns HONK.
A WOMAN in heavy traffic, arms open wide. Suicide in
progress. Noah can’t stand by. He runs, pulls her to safety.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Hidden Layer
EXT. DUMPSTER – DAY
Set up woman’s dilemma, feels unworthy. Noah mutters he feels
like her, unworthy. He’s embarrassed. She tries to go back
into traffic. He stops her, says she is worthy “in God’s
eyes.” She laughs.
Noah pulls cross from backpack, offers it and kind words. A
change comes over her, is reborn. Thanks Noah. He’s stunned.
Start: Noah starts to trash the backpack.
Challenging Situation: Noah has FLASHBACK trying to save a
young girl from drowning — this woman needs to be rescued.
Conflict: Noah must help but is afraid of what might happen.
Action: Pulls her from traffic, remembers childhood religion.
Finish: He saves her life. Now is in even worse conflict.
Intrigue: Why did Noah feel he had to act?
OL: What’s the deal with his childhood religion?
M: Who was the young girl in his flashback?
E/D: He’s in obvious internal distress. We feel for him.
Set up: Noah’s reason for rejecting God and religion.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Hidden Layer
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Noah wanders aimlessly, more confused than ever. Steps off
curb close to truck stop — HONNNNNNK — nearly is run over.
The tattooed TRUCK DRIVER shakes his head in dismay at Noah.
Intrigue: What will Noah do next?
OL: Is the truck driver important to the story?
M: The cross “saving” the homeless woman.
E/D: Noah is at the mercy of the world. He needs help.
Set up: James’s and Noah’s story.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Imminent Threat
EXT. TRUCK STOP – DAY
JAMES JOHN, the tattooed trucker, finishes filling his rig.
INT. JAMES’S 18-WHEELER – CONTINUOUS
James climbs into cab, wallet in hand. He thinks a moment,
opens wallet to reveal a faded photo of himself with a woman
and young boy. James’s face fills with sadness.
INSERT MONTAGE OF JAMES’S FAMILY BEING KILLED
– James is a devil-may-car successful drug dealer.
– James has a happy home life, wife and young son.
– The “competition” murders James’s family, James devastated.
BACK TO SCENE
Intrigue: What will James do now?
OL: What is happening with Noah at the moment?
M: Will James and Noah be tied together in the story? How?
E/D: James tries to cope with memories. Is in emotional pain.
Set up: What part James will play in Noah’s journey.
MAIN INTRIGUE: Mystery / Wound
EXT. TRUCK STOP RESTAURANT – DAY
Noah sits outside with backpack, unsure what to do, glances
at people who enter and exit.
James past without acknowledging Noah — but clocks the
backpack as he enters the restaurant.
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I’m ready to exchange. I have a Christian Thriller titled, The Backpack. Jeff@chaseinternet.com
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Scene Requirements
What I learned doing this assignment is how well everything is coming together. I finally finished a rough draft of my outline. Several new scenes have been added and numerous new ideas incorporated.
Title: THE BACKPACK
One-Hour Serialized Christian Thriller
Show Concept: When he finds a battered backpack, a homeless veteran’s life takes a spiritual turn as the supernatural contents of it alter both his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he encounters.
Inciting Incident: Noah discovers a battered backpack in an abandoned warehouse.
A Story: Noah’s relationship with God and people in crisis.
B Story: Kane, James, Mary, Catherine, and Father Zeke.
C Story: The “fake” media, politicians, law and Army officers and others under Satan’s influence.
FADE IN:
TEASER
EXT. AFGHANISTAN – KABUL NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
An Army Humvee patrols a dust-choked street. NOAH ADAMS in
turret, mocks God, blasphemes Jesus. His buddy at the wheel,
ABEL KANE agrees. Two other soldiers hear, look uneasy.
EXT. AFGHANISTAN – KABUL SLUMS – DAY
Sniper fire rings out, Noah returns fire, kills sniper but —
Humvee swerves, Noah unintentionally rakes apartment, kills
innocent family. In shock, Noah locks eyes with Abel —
The Humvee rolls over an IED. BOOM! Everyone dead except Noah
with severe head wound. He begs Jesus to help him — faints.
Start: A normal patrol, 4 soldiers, normal blaspheming banter
Challenging Situation: death may be around every corner
Conflict: sniper fire
Action: return fire but accidentally kill civilians
Finish: death to all except Noah
EXT. ARMY COURTS-MARTIAL – WASHINGTON D.C. – DAY
Lightning, THUNDER. A bland government building.
INT. ARMY COURTS-MARTIAL – HALLWAY
Noah sits with scar on forehead and vacant look on a bench
guarded by two uniformed men, exposition about Noah’s charges
and banter about the soon-to-be-rendered decision.
Set up Noah battles some kind of evil supernatural force, he
feels ill, goes to bathroom, power goes off, a woman screams,
a guard enters bathroom where Noah pukes, both guards run to
help woman. Noah now suddenly feels okay, walks to freedom.
Start: Noah awaits verdict for war crime charges.
Challenging Situation: Might go to prison for life.
Conflict: He claims he is innocent, couldn’t control his aim
on the target because Abel, the Humvee driver —
Action: Power goes out. Does God intercede on Noah’s behalf?
Finish: Noah walks to freedom.
EXT. ARMY CID HEADQUARTERS – QUANTICO, VA – DAY
Criminal Investigation Division. A bland government building.
INT. ARMY CID HEADQUARTERS – KANE’S OFFICE – DAY
Major SETH KANE, looks with sadness at a desk photo of, Abel,
his twin brother and himself as kids. A Lieutenant enters.
Kane reveals dad’s naming joke, set up his pain about loss of
Abel, also his belief the system will work to convict Noah.
A corporal enters, upset, reveals Noah escaped custody. Kane
sighs, then has a seizure, recovers. Asks the men to leave.
They wonder if he’s okay. He SCREAMS for them to get out.
Kane resists what’s happening to him — but can’t, whines —
KANE
Yes, yes…I understand.
Start: Kane is a professional soldier, cool as a cucumber.
Challenging Situation: Learns his brother’s “killer” escaped.
Conflict: believes in the system, but now isn’t sure.
Action: Suffers a strange “seizure”, in pain can’t fight it.
Finish: Kane is changed; a grim, determined look in his eyes.
ACT ONE
EXT. NASHVILLE – LOWER BROADWAY AVENUE – DAY
Music. Tourists. Homeless people. One is NOAH ADAMS, now
heavily bearded, scar on his forehead. The name on his ragged
Army jacket reads, “TAYLOR”. He seems confused, begs change.
POV from on the street nearby — someone clocks Noah.
Start: Noah, now bearded, trying to stay under the radar.
Challenging Situation: He’s homeless, hungry, broke.
Conflict: Everyone he meets might turn him in.
Action: He wanders aimlessly.
Finish: Someone is very interested in where he goes.
EXT. NASHVILLE – ALLEY – DAY
Noah talks to several people, we learn more about him, he
checks unlocked back doors, gets chased away from one, “you
bum”. THUNDER. It starts to rain hard.
POV from somewhere close – someone watches Noah.
EXT. NASHVILLE – WAREHOUSE DISTRICT – NIGHT
It’s raining. Noah slogs through puddles, exhausted, hungry.
He disappears around the corner of an old, vacant building.
The company name, the letters painted long ago, now badly
faded, unreadable in the darkness, wind and rain.
POV from somewhere nearby – someone follows after Noah.
EXT. VACANT WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Noah peeks through a broken window, climbs inside.
INT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Noah explores, nothing of value. Checks refrigerator, several
items spoiled, except one can of soda. He drinks, remembers —
INSERT COURTHOUSE FOOTAGE
Noah left alone by guards, he remembers fighting against
“something” — but he wond and walked from the courthouse.
BACK TO SCENE
Noah sarcastic, “I’m free. Thanks a lot, God”. Noah notices
something hidden under a bench, a battered backpack, checks
it out. Worthless junk inside, except a small cross, “God
Loves You” on it. Maybe he can sell the mess for a few bucks.
A MAN steps from shadows, gun drawn, confronts Noah. It is
SETH KANE, Abel’s twin. Noah reacts like he’s seeing a ghost.
Kane looks conflicted, a major internal battle is going on.
He aims at Noah — Noah jumps out the window with backpack.
Start: Noah homeless on the street.
Challenging Situation: Noah seeks shelter.
Conflict: Finds no food, nothing to ease his pain.
Action: Discovers backpack.
Finish: A ghost from Noah’s past shows up, tries to kill him,
Noah escapes through broken window.
EXT. DOWNTOWN CITY STREET – DAY
Noah walks, anxious. Tries to sell backpack. No takers.
EXT. ANOTHER CITY STREET – DAY
Noah is fed up with carrying the worthless backpack.
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING DUMPSTER – DAY
Noah is about to trash the backpack — horns HONK.
A WOMAN in heavy traffic, arms open wide. Suicide in
progress. Noah can’t stand by. He runs, pulls her to safety.
EXT. DUMPSTER – DAY
Set up woman’s dilemma, feels unworthy. Noah mutters he feels
like her, unworthy. He’s embarrassed. She tries to go back
into traffic. He stops her, says she is worthy “in God’s
eyes.” She laughs.
Noah pulls cross from backpack, offers it and kind words. A
change comes over her, is reborn. Thanks Noah. He’s stunned.
Start: Noah starts to trash the backpack.
Challenging Situation: Woman needs to be rescued.
Conflict: Noah must volunteer to help her.
Action: Pulls her from traffic, remembers childhood religion.
Finish: He saves her life. Now is in even worse conflict.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Noah wanders aimlessly, more confused than ever. Can’t decide
what to do with the backpack. He’s hungry.
EXT. TRUCK STOP – DAY
Noah sits outside restaurant, unsure what to do.
JAMES JOHN, exits 18-wheel, passes Noah, enters restaurant.
INT. RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
James double checks himself, then triple checks. Has to hold
the counter to steady himself. Makes a hard decision —
EXT. RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
James exits, asks if Noah’s hungry. He begrudgingly accepts.
Start: James doesn’t have a care in the world.
Challenging Situation: Do I go back and talk to Noah or not?
Conflict: Whatever James does will bring up old memories.
Action: James chooses to help Noah and face his memories.
Finish: James is on a revitalized mission.
ACT TWO
INT. RESTAURANT – LATER
They eat. We learn about James. And Noah, who mentions he saw
the ghost of his friend Abel who was killed in Afghanistan.
Noah reveals the Army might be after him. Reenlistment? No.
James suspects Noah is on the lam, asks why he’s wearing an
Army coat. It fit and was free. James gives him his own coat.
JAMES
Make you a tad less obvious, dude.
Set up James’s relationship with the backpack but we get the
feeling he’s holding back on what he knows.
INSERT MONTAGE OF JAMES’S FAMILY BEING KILLED
– James is a devil-may-car successful drug dealer.
– James has a happy home life, wife and young son.
– The “competition” murders James’s family, James devastated.
– “Someone” — possibly the previous caretaker of the
backpack, gives James something that eases his pain.
BACK TO SCENE
James mentions and he has a load, needs to go to Memphis.
Would Noah want to ride along? They could talk more.
Start: James doesn’t want anything to do with Noah.
Challenging Situation: The backpack is tied to James’s past.
Conflict: James is confronted by memories of past mistakes.
Action: He would rather avoid Noah — but begs his company.
Finish: James feels compelled to help Noah do what he must.
EXT./INT. JAMES’S 18-WHEELER – DAY
Trucking on I-40. They talk. James kicked drugs, fears back
sliding. Hesitant, he asks about backpack, what’s in it? Just
useless crap — Noah pulls a torn page from the backpack.
The truck SCREECHES to a stop on the shoulder. James reveals
“someone” with a backpack once saved his life with a Gideon
bible and the most important page — is the one Noah holds.
James believes Noah is chosen to spread the Gospel of Christ.
Noah won’t hear any more. He angrily exits truck. James
offers a half-eaten bag of potato chips. Noah SLAMS the door.
Start: James is afraid of what he might remember.
Challenging Situation: Noah forces him to deal with himself.
Conflict: James wants to avoid his Christian life.
Action: James sees an “omen” in the page Noah holds.
Finish: James is ready to rededicate himself to Christ, and
feels that Noah has an important job to do.
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – NIGHT
Noah hitchhikes but no one stops. He’s pissed off, doesn’t
want the backpack or any frigging job from God.
EXT. RAILROAD OVERPASS – NIGHT
Noah stares at track below. His stomach RUMBLES, he eats a
chip. WHINE from a stray dog, hungry. Noah tosses a chip. Dog
wants another.
NOAH
Can’t eat a fifty, can you, boy?
MONOLOGUE to the dog: we learn about his pain, all the times
he’s volunteered and gotten stung for it. Noah finds the $50
bill in the bag. Gives all the chips to the dog.
TRAIN approaches. Dog runs off. Headlight reminds Noah of
light above him in surgery…and IED…Abel’s face flashes.
Noah rips the backpack off his shoulder, throws it at the
train, turns to walk away —
Backpack BANGS off locomotive windshield, ricochets and SLAMS
Noah’s back, knocked off his feet, face down in the road.
Start: Noah at a low point but finds a friend.
Challenging Situation: Weight of the world crashing on him.
Conflict: Internal: membories, external: the backpack
Action: he throws backpack away.
Finish: The backpack has a mind of its own, won’t stay gone.
ACT THREE
Tires SCREECH, car stops inches from Noah face down in road.
CATHERINE exits her car, helps Noah up. The dog WHINES.
CATHERINE
She yours?
NOAH
He’s a she?
INT. CATHERINE’S CAR – NIGHT
They get to know each other. She’s a nurse and amateur
archeologist obsessed with her family’s genealogy. He laughs,
that he is, “on a mission from God.” Dog is in back seat.
We learn Noah had a wife but she divorced him, or rather her
father made her do it, when he was convicted of…war crimes.
We also learn that Noah has been diagnosed with PTSD.
When Catherine’s husband passed away, she wasn’t there. And
also didn’t attend his funeral. She won’t explain.
He wants to pay her. Reaches into backpack, laughs because he
knows there’s no money in it, pulls out small piece of
pottery. Catherine realizes it may be from the time of
Christ. Could Noah be the messenger in her family’s folklore?
His speech becomes slurred. She realizes he’s in diabetic
shock. She must choose — injects him with insulin, gives him
a small supply. It won’t last forever. How will he get more?
Start: Catherine on her way to her next job.
Challenging Situation: Pick up an unwanted hitchhiker. Inject
him with insulin w/o prescription?
Conflict: Catherine breaks own rule about helping hitchhiker.
Action: She takes in both Noah and his dog.
Finish: Noah puts Catherine in a position of having to help
him and confront her family and obsession with genealogy back
to time of Christ. Catherine picks up hitchhiker AND does
something highly unethical: giving Noah insulin.
EXT. MEMPHIS CITY STREET – NIGHT
Noah exits Catherine’s car. Walks. The dog follows. Noah
shoos her away, goes up an alley, looks for a place to sleep.
EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
GINO sits in his locked Camry, argues with himself. Noah
appears, curious, but keeps walking. He stops, returns.
EXT. ALLEY – LATER
They talk. We learn about Gino and his emotional problems.
Why did Noah stop, help to him? Seemed like the thing to do.
Gino asks about Noah’s “Taylor” name tag. Noah won’t reveal
his real name, but tells Gino about Abel dying, then seeing
Kane with the gun, he had some “issues” with the Army about
what happened in Afghanistan. Gino is remembering it all —
EXT. ALLEY – DAWN IS BREAKING
Gino needs to get home, offers cash, Noah won’t take it —
doesn’t want to give God ideas he’s gonna keep doing this.
Noah challenges God, reaches in backpack, pulls out fistful.
NOAH
See? Just a bunch of crap.
A string dangles from the “crap” —
The string stuns Gino, he realizes that, thanks to Noah, he
has a lifeline to Christ, ties string on his rearview.
Noah looks at the string with a mixture of pique and wonder.
Start: Gino at the bottom, emotionally. Noah confused.
Challenging Situation: Get Gino stabilized.
Conflict: Noah puts himself in danger revealing info to Gino.
Action: String pulled from backpack. Gino ties it on mirror.
Finish: Gino is okay, wants to help Noah.
Noah looks heavenward, even more confused.
EXT. ROOF OF TALL BUILDING – DAY
Kane stands edge of the roof, atop a wall, in terror, argues
with the demon who possesses him. We hear KANE only.
Kane is “forced” to walk along the wall. 30 stories down.
Kane agrees to do the demon’s bidding. Will try harder…
Start: Kane looks crazy walking on a roof.
Challenging Situation: Something/someone is forcing him.
Conflict: Kane is not in total control of his body/mind.
Action: Kane tries to break the demon’s control.
Finish: Kane agrees to do the demon’s bidding.
EXT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Establishing shots.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Gino is welcomed by people who know him. Some don’t like him.
INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Gino begs a computer analyst to pull up st…
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is how much all the previous lessons helped me to lay out this rough beat sheet. Looking forward to getting more of the B and C stories into my next version.
Title: THE BACKPACK
One-Hour Serialized Christian Thriller
Show Concept: When he finds a battered backpack, a homeless veteran’s life takes a spiritual turn as the supernatural contents of it alter both his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he encounters.
Inciting Incident: Noah discovers a battered backpack in an abandoned warehouse.
A Story: Noah’s relationship with God and people in crisis.
B Story: Kane, James, Mary, Catherine, and Father Zeke.
C Story: The “fake” media, politicians, law officers and others under Satan’s influence.
THE BACKPACK Beat Sheet:
FADE IN:
TEASER
EXT. AFGHANISTAN – KABUL NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
An Army Humvee patrols a dust-choked street. NOAH ADAMS in
the turret. He mocks God, blasphemes Jesus. ABEL KANE at the
wheel, agrees. Two other soldiers inside, look uncomfortable.EXT. AFGHANISTAN – KABUL SLUMS – DAY
Sniper fire rings out, Noah returns fire.
For some unknown reason, Humvee swerves, Noah inadvertently
rakes an apartment with his M240. Kills innocent civilians.The Humvee continues several more feet, hits an IED. BOOM!
All dead. Noah injured badly, asks Jesus to save him. Faints.
ACT ONE
EXT. NASHVILLE – BROADWAY AVENUE – DAY
Music. Tourists. Homeless people. One is NOAH ADAMS but his
ragged Army jacket has, “TAYLOR” on it. He’s heavily bearded,
scar on his forehead. Seems confused. Begs change.POV from somewhere on the street – someone is watching Noah.
EXT. NASHVILLE – ALLEY – DAY
We learn more about Noah as he talks to several people who
know him. He checks unlocked back doors. Gets chased away
from one, “you bum”. It begins to rain.POV from somewhere close – someone is tracking Noah.
EXT. NASHVILLE – WAREHOUSE DISTRICT – NIGHT
Raining hard. Noah slugs through puddles, exhausted, hungry.
He disappears around the corner of a vacant building.POV from somewhere nearby – someone is following Noah.
EXT. VACANT WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Noah peeks through a broken window, climbs inside.
INT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Noah explores, nothing of value. Checks refrigerator, several
items spoiled, except can of soda. He drinks, remembers –INSERT COURTHOUSE FOOTAGE
Noah about to be sentenced. Momentarily left alone by guards,
he takes the opportunity and simply walks from courthouse.BACK TO SCENE
Noah sarcastic, “Thanks a lot, God”. Noah sees something
hiding under a bench, a battered backpack, checks it out.
Worthless junk inside, and a small cross with, “God Loves
You” on it. Maybe he can sell the mess for a few bucks.A MAN steps from shadows with gun drawn, confronts Noah. It
is KEITH KANE. Noah reacts like he’s seeing a ghost.Kane looks conflicted, some internal battle going on. He
shoots. BANG. He misses…but did his miss on purpose?Noah dives out the broken window with the backpack.
ACT TWO
EXT. DOWNTOWN CITY STREET – DAY
Noah walks, fearful. Tries to sell backpack. No takers.
EXT. ANOTHER CITY STREET – DAY
Noah’s tired of carrying the worthless backpack.
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
Dumpster behind building. Noah’s about to trash the backpack.
Horns HONK.A WOMAN in heavy traffic, arms open wide. Suicide in
progress. Noah can’t stand by. He pulls her to safety.EXT. DUMPSTER – DAY
Set up woman’s dilemma, feels unworthy. Noah embarrassed,
mutters he feels like her, unworthy. She wants to go back
into traffic. He stops her, says she is worthy “in God’s
eyes.” She laughs, sarcastic.Noah pulls cross from backpack, offers kind words. A change
comes over her. She’s reborn. Thanks Noah. He is stunned.ACT TWO
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Noah wanders aimlessly. More confused than ever. Can’t decide
what to do with the backpack. He’s hungry.EXT. TRUCK STOP – DAY
Noah sits outside restaurant, unsure what to do.
JAMES JOHN appears, walks past Noah, enters restaurant.
INT. RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
James double checks himself, then triple. Has to hold the
counter to steady himself. Makes a decision…EXT. RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
James exits, asks Noah if he’s hungry.
INT. RESTAURANT – LATER
They eat. We learn about James. And Noah. He mentions he saw
the ghost of his friend Abel who was killed in Afghanistan.Set up James’s relationship with the backpack. We get the
feeling he’s holding back on what he knows. James had to
drive to Memphis. Does Noah want to ride along?EXT./INT. JAMES’S 18-WHEELER – DAY
Truck on I-40. They talk. James kicked drugs is afraid of
back sliding. Hesitant, he asks about the backpack, what is
in it? A lot of useless crap. Noah pulls a torn bible page
from the backpack.The truck SCREECHES to a stop on the shoulder. James reveals
a person with a backpack once saved his life and it a Gideon
bible page that did it – the same page that Noah holds.James believes Noah is chosen to spread the Gospel of Christ.
Noah won’t hear any more. He angrily exits truck with a half
eaten bag of potato chips offered by James, SLAMS the door.ACT THREE
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – NIGHT
Noah hitchhikes but no one stops. He’s pissed, doesn’t want
the backpack or any job from God. He’ll show God…EXT. RAILROAD OVERPASS – NIGHT
Noah stares at the track. We learn more about his pain. He
eats potato chips, finds a fifty dollar bill inside, doesn’t
know what to think.A TRAIN approaches. The headlight reminds him of the light
above him in surgery… after the IED…Abel’s face flashes.Noah rips the backpack from his shoulder, throws it at the
train, turns to walk away —The backpack BANGS off locomotive’s windshield, ricochets and
SLAMS into Noah’s back, knocks him off his feet.TIRES SCREECH, car stops inches from Noah face down in road.
CATHERINE exits her car, helps Noah up.
INT. CATHERINE’S CAR – NIGHT
They get to know each other. She’s a nurse and amateur
archeologist obsessed with her family’s genealogy. He laughs,
that he is, “on a mission from God.”We learn Noah had a wife but she divorced him, or rather her
father made her do it, when he was convicted of…war crimes.
We also learn that Noah has been diagnosed with PTSD.When Catherine’s husband passed away, she wasn’t there. And
also didn’t attend his funeral. She won’t explain.He wants to thank her. Reaches into backpack, laughs because
he knows there’s no money in it, pulls out small piece of
pottery. Catherine realizes it may be from the time of
Christ. Could Noah be the messenger in her family’s folklore?His speech becomes slurred, she diagnoses diabetic shock and
must choose — injects him with insulin, gives him a small
supply. It won’t last forever. How will he get more?EXT. MEMPHIS CITY STREET – NIGHT
Noah exits Catherine’s car. Walks. Turns up an alley, looking
for a place to sleep.EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
GINO sits in his locked Camry, argues with himself. Noah
appears, curious, but keeps walking. He stops, returns.EXT. ALLEY – LATER
They talk. We learn about Gino and his emotional problems.
Why did Noah stop, help to him? Seemed like the thing to do.EXT. ALLEY – MORNING
Gino needs to get home, offers cash, Noah won’t take it. Why?
Noah doesn’t want anyone to get ideas that he’s gonna keep
doing whatever job it is he’s doing. He looks heavenward.Noah challenges God, reaches into the backpack, pulls out a
fistful of crap. Noah is confident there’s nothing that would
interest Gino. A bunch of nothing… A string dangles loose.The string stuns Gino, he realizes that thanks to Noah, he
now has a lifeline to Christ. He ties the string on his
rearview, tells Noah to go to Father Zeke’s homeless shelter.ACT FIVE
INT. THE ADAM’S MANSION – DAY
In Belle Meade. Set up MARY ADAMS and MILLARD, her scheming
father who is angry she isn’t interested in any of the young
men attracted to her. Mary still loves Noah. They argue.EXT. ALL-TO-Z HOMELESS SHELTER – DAY
Father Zeke and Kane talk outside the shelter. Kane stuffs a
bill into the priest’s pocket, smiles. Kane walks off.Noah watches from a distance, fearful, has a flashback of
Abel’s face in the Humvee again.How can Abel still be alive? What will Noah do?
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Open Loops and Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is how much more I’m learning about both my characters and story as I dig deeper into the mysteries and open loops.
(NA) stands for Noah Adams
(KK) stands for Keith Kane
(AK) stands for Abel Kane
(JJ) stands for James John
(CS) stands for Catherine Schaffer
(GM) stands for Gino Morelli
(MA) stands for Mary Adams
(FZ) stands for Father Zeke
OL = Open Loop M = Mystery
Title: THE BACKPACK
One Hour Serialized Christian Thriller
MAIN MYSTERY: Who created the backpack and why?
SUB MYSTERIES: are identified in the sections below.
MAIN OPEN LOOP: How will Noah balance his survival with proving his innocence while helping the people in crises that he encounters?
SUB OPEN LOOPS: are identified in the sections below.
Teaser:
Flashback: Noah on Humvee patrol in Afghanistan, makes crass Jesus jokes with best friend, Cpl. ABEL KANE. They come under sniper fire, Noah sarcastically asks Jesus for good aim, Abel’s face loses all expression, he draws his pistol but accidentally jerks the steering wheel, forcing Noah’s machine gun to rake an apartment building, killing an innocent Afghan family.
M: What happened that made Noah become apostatic – abandon his Christian beliefs?
M: Why is Noah so cynical about God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost?
M: Why is Abel keeping such a close eye on Noah?
OL: Why does Abel pull his pistol and aim it at Noah?
OL: Will Noah get into trouble for killing innocent civilians?
Lock in: Humvee rolls over IED, blows up. Abel and 4 other GI’s dead. Noah barely alive, a deep cut on his forehead, as he goes unconscious he whispers, “Jesus please help me”.
Act 1:
Essence: Introduction to the World and the characters.
M: Noah is bearded, homeless, looks worried like someone might be after him.
OL: What has happened to him since he was blown up in Afghanistan?
M: Noah finds the backpack. Who does it belong to?
OL: Who put all the useless items into the backpack?
M: Why does Major Kane suddenly resign his US Army commission?
OL: What caused Major Kane’s seizure in the men’s restroom?
Act 2:
Essence: Conflict introduction that leads to midpoint.
M: How does James know about the backpack?
OL: How did Noah escape CID custody?
OL: What is Noah running from?
OL: Isn’t the Army interested in re-capturing Noah?
OL: What does James know about the backpack that Noah might need to know?
OL: How does a new item show up in the backpack that wasn’t in it the day before?
OL: Who was the previous caretaker of the backpack?
M: Why does Mary feel driven to contact Noah?
Act 3:
Essence: Uncertainty and deepening of character layers.
OL: Why is Gino arguing with himself in his car?
M: What event in Noah’s childhood permanently scarred him?
M: Why can’t Noah just get rid of the backpack?
M: How and why was James’s family murdered?
M: What are the ancient clues Catherine is trying to uncover?
OL: Why is Catherine obsessed with finding answers about her heritage?
M: What plan does the demon have for Kane?
OL: Was Noah chosen for this mission and why?
Act 4:
Essence: Major complications and efforts to resolve uncertainty.
M: What is Gino going to do with the burner phones he stole from the police evidence room?
OL: How did a small piece of an ancient Hebrew oil lamp wind up in the backpack?
OL: Why is James always missing appointments?
OL: How will Noah survive without regular injections of insulin?
M: Why is Mary’s father so determined to keep her and Noah apart?
OL: How far will Catherine go to help Noah with his medical issues?
OL: How will Noah’s PTSD affect him moving forward?
OL: What is the next item Noah will pull from the backpack?
Act 5:
Essence: Characters are now locked into their journey.
OL: Will Catherine act on her physical attraction to Noah?
OL: Who is stronger? Kane or the demon that possesses him?
M: Where did Father Zeke’s recent large donation come from?
OL: Will seeing Keith Kane (twin brother of Abel) cause emotional trauma for Noah?
OL: How soon will Noah encounter someone who will betray him?
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Mod 3 Lesson 6
Jeffrey Alan Chase Stacks Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is I feel like I’m on a roll in uncovering more and more about my story and the characters. Things are coming together nicely. Still a lot of work to do.
Teaser:
Flashback: Noah on Humvee patrol in Afghanistan, makes crass jokes about God with Corporal ABEL KANE, they come under sniper fire, Noah sarcastically asks Jesus for good aim, Abel stares at Noah with hate-filled eyes, draws his pistol to shoot him but jerks the steering wheel forcing Noah’s machine gun to unintentionally blast apartment building, killing innocent civilians.
Intrigue (Wound): Why is Noah so cynical about God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost?
Intrigue (Mystery): Does Noah think he’s invincible if he asks for God’s help?
Intrigue (Secret Identity): Why is Abel keeping such a close eye on Noah?
Intrigue (Hidden Agenda): Why does Abel pull his pistol and aim at Noah?
Intrigue (Mystery): Why is the death of the innocent Afghan family important to the story?
Intrigue (Mystery): As he slips into unconsciousness, why does Noah ask Jesus to help him?
Teaser Turning Point: Humvee rolls over IED, blows up. Abel and 4 other GI’s dead. Noah barely alive, a bad cut on his forehead, as he goes unconscious, whispers, “Jesus please help me”.
Act 1:
Essence: Introduction to the World and the characters.
Intrigue (Secret Identity): Noah now has a full beard. What has happened since he was blown up in Afghanistan?
Intrigue (Secret): Who does the backpack belong to?
Intrigue (Mystery): What are all the useless items in the backpack for?
Intrigue (Mystery): Why was the backpack left in an abandoned warehouse?
Intrigue (Mystery): Who has the backpack been owned by previously?
Intrigue (Mystery): How did it get into the warehouse?
Intrigue (Hidden Layer): Why does Major Kane suddenly resign his US Army commission?
Intrigue (Strange Behavior, Secret Identity): What caused Major Kane’s seizure in the men’s restroom?
(Act 1 TP) Noah saves the life of a suicidal woman with an item from the backpack.
Act 2:
Essence: Conflict introduction that leads to midpoint.
Intrigue (Wound): How does James know about the backpack?
Intrigue (Secret): If Noah was an escaped prisoner, what was he charged with?
Intrigue (Secret): How did Noah escape custody?
Intrigue (Conspiracy): Is anyone hunting for Noah
Intrigue (Mystery): What does James know about the backpack that Noah might need to know?
Intrigue (Secret): What is the significance of the “Ella” tattoo on James’s arm?
Intrigue (Hidden layer): How can a new item show up in the backpack that wasn’t in it the day before?
Intrigue (Hidden layer): Who was the previous caretaker of the backpack?
Intrigue (Mystery): What is the verse on the bible page that brought James to tears?
Intrigue (Hidden Agenda): Why is Mary driven to contact Noah?
(Act 2 TP) Noah is shocked to see that several new items have mysteriously shown up in the backpack. Or did he just not notice them before?
Act 3:
Essence: Uncertainty and deepening of character layers.
Intrigue (Mystery): Why is Gino arguing with himself in his car?
Intrigue (Wound): What is the significance to Gino of the small piece of rope that Noah finds?
Intrigue (Wound): What happened to Noah in his childhood that permanently scarred him?
Intrigue (Mystery): Why can’t Noah rid himself of the backpack?
Intrigue (Wound): How and why was James’s family murdered?
Intrigue (Mystery): What are the ancient clues Catherine is trying to uncover?
Intrigue (Secret): Why is Catherine obsessed with finding answers about her heritage?
Intrigue (Conspiracy): Where did the demon come from that is possessing Keith Kane?
Intrigue (Deception): What is the demon’s mission, if any?
Intrigue (Mystery): When will Noah learn what his mission is?
(Act 3 TP) Noah rejects his mission from God, throws the backpack from an overpass, but it ricochets back at him off a freight train engine and knocks him silly in the middle of the road.
Act 4:
Essence: Major complications and efforts to resolve uncertainty.
Intrigue (Conspiracy): Why did Gino steal burner phones from the police station evidence room?
Intrigue (Hidden Layer): How did a piece of an ancient clay lamp wind up in the backpack?
Intrigue (Wound): Why doesn’t James show up to help Noah when he promised he would?
Intrigue (Mystery): How can homeless Noah survive if he doesn’t get regular injections of insulin?
Intrigue (Hidden layer): Why is Mary’s father so determined to keep her and Noah apart?
Intrigue (Strange Behavior): Will Catherine get in major trouble for stealing insulin for Noah?
Intrigue (Mystery): How will Noah’s PTSD affect him moving forward?
Intrigue (Mystery/Hidden Layer): What is the next item Noah will pull from the backpack?
(Act 4 TP) Noah is paranoid, accuses Catherine of being something other than a just helpful nurse.
Act 5:
Essence: Characters are now locked into their journey.
Intrigue (Strange Behavior): How will Catherine handle her attraction to Noah?
Intrigue (Conspiracy): What is Kane’s state of mind and who is in control? Him? Or the demon?
Intrigue (Wound): What is Father Zeke’s secret about the shelter’s finances and why is he worried?
Intrigue (Wound): When Noah sees Kane walking away and thinks it is Abel – how will that affect him?
Intrigue (Wound): Is Noah actually going crazy?
Intrigue (Hidden Agenda): Will Noah be safe at the shelter or turned over to Kane by Father Zeke?
(Act 5 TP) Noah sees Kane walking away from the shelter; reacts like he’s seeing a ghost. FLASHBACK of best friend, ABEL, being blown up in Afghanistan.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Layers and Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is that every time I think I’ve fleshed out my story, I come up with a whole new list of cool things, like these layers and reveals, that makes the story much deeper and interesting.
(NA) stands for Noah Adams
(KK) stands for Keith Kane
(AK) stands for Abel Kane
(JJ) stands for James John
(CS) stands for Catherine Schaffer
(GM) stands for Gino Morelli
(MA) stands for Mary Adams
(FZ) stands for Father Zeke
Teaser:
Lock in: The Humvee rolls over an IED and blows up. Abel and 4 other GI’s dead. Noah is barely alive, a bad cut on his forehead, before he goes unconscious whispers, “Jesus please save me”.
Teaser Plot Layers:
Surface: Noah and his men are on patrol to find snipers.
Hidden: Abel is monitoring Noah to make sure he isn’t a messenger from God.
How revealed: Abel tries to kill Noah but fails.
Teaser Character Layers:
Surface: Abel and Noah are best friends.
Hidden: Abel is possessed by a demon.
How revealed: Abel’s expression fills with pure hate as he draws his pistol to kill Noah.
Teaser Situation Layers:
Surface: Noah mocks Jesus and God and is cynical of anyone who claims to be a Christian.
Hidden: Noah is unaware he’s one of God’s special envoys with a mission to save souls.
How revealed: When he asks Jesus to save him.
Act 1:
Essence: Introduction to the World and the characters.
(KK Beginning) US Army Major, respected head of CID and twin brother of the late Abel Kane learns Noah Adams has escaped custody before being sentenced for war crimes. Kane has a “seizure” when alone in a men’s room. His mien changes from terror to evil calm.
(NA Beginning) Close up of healed cut on forehead of…Noah, now back in the U.S., bearded and homeless, seeks shelter in an abandoned warehouse, discovers a battered backpack containing a small cross with “God loves you” on it and several other worthless items.
(KK TP1) Suddenly resigns his commission, ostensibly to, “bring Noah to justice for killing Abel”.
(NA Beginning cont’d) Noah tries to sell the backpack on the street, but no one wants to buy it.
Noah is about to toss the backpack into a dumpster when he sees a homeless woman trying to commit suicide on the freeway. He pulls her to safety, gives her the cross from the backpack and words of encouragement. She glows with the happiness of a born-again Christian. Noah wanders the streets, confused, desperate to understand what just happened.
Act 1 Plot Layers:
Surface: Kane’s going after Noah to arrest him for war crimes and the death of his twin brother.
Hidden: Kane is possessed by a demon who must kill Noah.
How revealed: in Act 3 when Kane “speaks” with the demon.
Act 1 Character Layers: Keith Kane
Surface: Keith Kane is a respected US Army major.
Hidden: He has just been possessed by the demon who possessed his late twin brother.
How revealed: When he has a “seizure” in the men’s room, his terror becomes evilly calm.
Act 1 Character Layers: Noah Adams
Surface: He is a homeless vet with PTSD and rapid onset diabetes.
Hidden: Unknown to him, he has God-given talent for helping to bring others to Christ.
How revealed: when he saves a homeless woman from suicide on the freeway.
Act 1 Situation Layers:
Surface: the cross in the backpack is just a cheap knickknack.
Hidden: It has a special power to redeem a soul.
How revealed: The words on it mean the world to the woman who had nothing to live for.
Act 2:
Essence: Conflict introduction that leads to midpoint.
(JJ Beginning) Long haul trucker doing his job, picks up Noah hitchhiking. James mentions he’s seen the backpack before.
(NA TP1) Noah is shocked to see that several new items have mysteriously shown up in the backpack. Or did he just not notice them before? He pulls out a page torn from a Gideon bible.
(JJ TP 1) The bible page has words on it that forever changed James’s life. He is certain that Noah has been chosen by God to spread the gospel to those who need to hear it.
(MA Beginning) Learns Noah escaped custody and is on the street somewhere in the city.
(CS Beginning) Excited, she’s on the trail of a clue back to her Jewish heritage in time of Christ.
Act 2 Plot Layers:
Surface: The page Noah pulls from the backpack is the same one James has seen before.
Hidden: After his family’s murder, James was angry, burned the page. Can’t be the same one.
How revealed: The effect the page has on James when Noah shows it to him. It’s come back into his life to remind him where he needs to be with his faith.
Act 2 Plot Layers:
Surface: There must be a limited number of items in the backpack.
Hidden: There is no limit to new items that will show up in the backpack.
How revealed: Noah pulls out a torn bible page that he’s sure wasn’t in it the day before.
Act 2 Character Layers: Mary Adams
Surface: The spoiled, rich widow shows no emotion as she learns Noah is in the city.
Hidden: She is still deeply in love with him and wants him back in her life.
How revealed: She tells her father she wants to apologize to Noah for divorcing him in his hour of need. Her father is irate and says she will do no such thing.
Act 2 Character Layers: James John
Surface: He is nothing more than a kindly, heavily tattooed trucker.
Hidden: Once a major drug dealer, he was reborn due to the backpack after his family’s murder.
How revealed: When he first meets Noah, he reveals he’s seen the backpack before.
Act 2 Situation Layers:
Surface: James claims to know very little about the backpack.
Hidden: He hides critical knowledge as revealed by the previous caretaker of the backpack.
How revealed: The name of the previous caretaker, “ELLA”, is tattooed on his arm.
Act 3:
Essence: Uncertainty and deepening of character layers.
(GM Beginning) Gino is inside his car, arguing loudly with himself. Noah intervenes, asks what’s wrong, pulls a short piece of rope from backpack. Noah is stunned that to Gino, it is a lifeline.
(NA Midpoint) Noah rejects his mission from God, throws the backpack from an overpass, but it ricochets back at him off a freight train engine and knocks him silly in the middle of the road.
(CS TP1) Driving her car, nearly hits Noah who is lying in the middle of the road.
(KK Midpoint) Keith, now controlled by demon that possessed Abel, has orders to kill Noah.
(JJ Major Conflict) Trying to be a Christian but battles addiction and memories of family trauma.
(CS Midpoint) Must use medical skills and stolen insulin to save Noah from diabetic shock.
Act 3 Plot Layers:
Surface: Noah can choose to do what he wants with the backpack.
Hidden: The backpack has mysterious power and will choose who it belongs to.
How revealed: Noah throws it away, but it hits a train, ricochets back and knocks him flat.
Act 3 Character Layers: Catherine Schaffer
Surface: She is a dedicated traveling nurse.
Hidden: She is obsessed with tracing her Jewish heritage back to the time of Christ.
How revealed: She excitedly confirms it on a phone call right before she meets Noah.
Act 3 Character Layers: Noah
Surface: He is just a typical homeless veteran.
Hidden: He is unaware he’s been given a mission from God.
How revealed: He will somehow, inadvertently help every person in crisis he encounters.
Act 3 Situation Layers:
Surface: The people Noah meets are all trustworthy.
Hidden: There are other misled and satanical people out there who will betray Noah.
How revealed: At a truck stop, Keith introduces himself to several truckers, says he wants to help a homeless vet with PTSD (Noah).
Act 3 Situation Layers:
Surface: Gino is a whacko who talks to himself.
Hidden: He’s a retired homicide detective who does crazy things to hang on to his sanity.
How revealed: With his “lifeline” from Noah, he swears to take down a corrupt police captain.
Act 4:
Essence: Major complications and efforts to resolve uncertainty.
(GM Midpoint) Gino realizes his path to redemption is in taking down a corrupt cop.
(NA TP2) Still woozy, Noah offers to pay Catherine for the ride, reaches into the backpack, and laughs because he knows there’s no money in it – but pulls out a small piece of ancient pottery.
(CS TP2) With shock, Catherine sees that it is a piece of a clay lamp from the time of Christ, suddenly realizing that Noah may well be the prophesized messenger in her family’s history.
(KK Major conflict) Keith battles doing what is right versus what the demon wants him to do, painfully loses control of his body as the demon punishes him for disobeying.
(JJ Dilemma) If James aids Noah in any way it will rip open the horrific memories of his past.
(CS Dilemma) Catherine will lose nurse’s license if she continues to provide Noah with insulin.
(MA TP 2) Her father is desperate to keep her away from Noah, will send her overseas to manage one of his companies.
Act 4 Plot Layers:
Surface: Noah tries to come to grips with his new-found but unwanted gift for helping people.
Hidden: He is sure he’s either going crazy or is part of a government or religious conspiracy.
How revealed: He accuses Catherine of being something other than a just helpful nurse.
Act 4 Plot Layers:
Surface: James promises he will meet Noah at a predetermined time to help him.
Hidden: James has no intention of showing up to help Noah.
How revealed: James scores drugs, battles with himself over taking them, forgets abouts Noah.
Act 4 Character Layers:
Surface: Gino comes across as looney tunes when he visits his old police precinct building.
Hidden: He’s using his bipolar issues as a cover to gain entrance to the evidence room.
How revealed: He takes several burner phones from the evidence room, “for Noah”.
Act 4 Character Layers:
Surface: Catherine is trying to be objective and rational about Noah and who he might be.
Hidden: She is feeling an overwhelming physical attraction to him.
How revealed: She holds his hand, gives him a look that reveals her uncontrollable feelings.
Act 4 Situation Layers:
Surface: Keith Kane walks calmly along the narrow edge of a wall atop a tall building.
Hidden: The demon is punishing him for disobeying.
How revealed: A gust of wind buffets him, he falls on the roof, his face a mask of terror.
Act 5:
Essence: Characters are now locked into their journey.
(CS ending) drops Noah near a homeless shelter, gives him money, desperate to stay in touch.
(FZ Beginning) Kane meets with Father Zeke at the shelter, mentions he’s looking for Noah.
(NA Ending) Noah sees Kane walking from the shelter; reacts like he’s seeing a ghost. Quick FLASHBACK of best friend, ABEL, being blown up in Afghanistan. How can Abel still be alive?
(NA Major Conflict) Noah is dealing with thoughts he’s going crazy and now, he’s just seen Abel, who he knows was killed in Afghanistan.
(FZ TP1) He sees Noah at the door of the shelter, seems to recognize him.
(NA Dilemma) Does he enter the shelter or go after Kane?
Act 5 Plot Layers:
Surface: To Zeke, Kane looks like a friendly guy who wants to find Noah to help him.
Hidden: The demon’s hatred boils just under the surface of Kane’s facial expression.
How revealed: Kane wipes an angry sneer, and a drip of spittle from his mouth.
Act 5 Character Layers:
Surface: Father Zeke seems to be good natured, helpful and honest.
Hidden: He is in financial trouble and desperate to raise money to keep the shelter open.
How revealed: He asks Kane if there is a reward offered for Noah.
Act 5 Situation Layers:
Surface: Father Zeke is a good guy.
Hidden: He will do what is necessary to keep the shelter open.
How revealed: He glances again at Noah’s photo as he stuffs it into his pocket.
Lock in: Father Zeke offers Noah a meal and a bed for the night. Noah is physically exhausted, mentally overloaded, and emotionally drained. Noah accepts.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Setting Up The Future
What I learned doing this assignment is what I envision for future episodes and seasons has a big effect on what I need to set up now in the pilot. I’m looking forward to writing my pilot!
Title: THE BACKPACK
One-Hour Serialized Christian Thriller
Big Picture Setups in THE BACKPACK pilot:
- When and why was Abel possessed by a
demon? - Why is Noah unaware that Abel was
possessed by a demon. - Will Noah ever discover who created
the backpack and why? - Is there a finite number of items in
the backpack? - Will new items show up in the
backpack and if so, how? - Will Noah always succeed in helping
someone in crisis find their faith? - How will Kane deal with the demon
that is possessing him? - Will Kane ever catch Noah and/or
execute him? - Will James slip back into drug abuse
and/or dealing? - Will Noah have his day in court and prove
himself innocent of war crime charges? - Will Noah learn why he was chosen to
walk the path to redemption and why? - Will Catherine and Noah get together
as a couple? - Will Mary and Noah get back together?
- Will Mary defy her father and find
Noah? - Will Kane break free of his demon? And
will Noah help him do this? - Will Gino find stability and survive
trying to take the corrupt police captain down? - How will Noah continue to find the insulin
he needs to stay alive? - Will Noah ever discover that his best
friend Abel was possessed?
- When and why was Abel possessed by a
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is I really enjoyed adding empathy and distress to my characters. It forced me to dig deeper into what is driving them and revealed new possibilities for conflict.
Title: THE BACKPACK
One Hour Serialized Christian Thriller
Teaser:
Crucible / plot intruding on life: Under attack, Noah mocks God, then begs Jesus to save him.
Hurt those they love / Plot intruding on life: Abel’s demon directs him to kill Noah.
Act 1:
Essence: Introduction to the World and the characters.
Crucible / Undeserved misfortune: Noah is homeless and on the run from false charges.
Must Make Decision with Future Consequences / plot intruding on life: Noah chooses to keep the backpack.
Must Make Decision with Future Consequences / plot intruding on life AND brings their wound present: Noah saves a suicidal woman and comforts her with an item pulled from the backpack.
Crucible / Undeserved misfortune: Kane has a seizure and becomes possessed by the demon who possessed his late twin brother.
Emotional Dilemma / Witnessing the pain of others: Noah walks the streets, confused the woman he saved. His PTSD kicks in as he remembers Abel’s terror-filled expression in death.
Act 2:
Essence: Conflict introduction that leads to midpoint.
Must Make Decision with Future Consequences / Plot intruding on life: FLASHBACK of Noah unguarded and walking away from custody during his war crime sentencing.
Crucible / Brings their wound present: James has seen the backpack before, gets emotional.
Forced Decision / Witnessing the pain of others: Noah pulls a bible page from the backpack, offers it to James, who when he sees it, feels even more pain as old memories wash over him.
Hurt those they love / Extreme consequences AND raise the stakes: James reveals his drug dealing was responsible for the death of his beloved wife and young son by a rival gang.
Betrayal / Extreme Consequences: Noah feels the Army betrayed him with false charges, so he had to become homeless and nameless to fight back and somehow prove his innocence.
Forced Decision / External character conflicts: Mary was forced by her father to divorce Noah.
Emotional Dilemma / Undeserved misfortune: Mary is still deeply in love with Noah.
Midpoint:
Emotional Dilemma / Plot intruding on life: Noah tries to throw the backpack away.
Emotional Dilemma / Make it more painful: Backpack ricochets off a train engine, floors him.
Act 3:
Essence: Uncertainty and deepening of character layers.
Forced Decision / Plot intruding on life: Catherine avoids hitting Noah in the middle of the road.
Must Make Decision with Future Consequences / Plot intruding on life: Catherine feels compelled to see if she can treat Noah’s diabetic ketoacidosis.
Forced Decision / Brings their wound present: As Catherine treats Noah with insulin, she recalls not attending her husband’s funeral because she felt guilty that she had been unfaithful to him.
Forced Decision / Brings their wound present: Kane wants to resist looking at Abel’s photo in his wallet but can’t, and “hears” the demon tell him he must kill Noah to be emotionally freed.
Crucible / Plot intruding on life: When Noah gives Catherine the piece of ancient clay lamp, she realizes she needs to ask for God’s forgiveness. Noah says she already has it.
Forced Decision / External character conflicts: Noah feels compelled to help Gino who is having a breakdown in his locked car.
Exposed / Plans that failed AND Major loss AND brings their wound present: Noah and Gino have a heart to heart about their personal issues. Noah reveals that he’s on the run.
Emotional Dilemma / Major loss AND make it more painful: Convinced that he might be recognized in his battered Army jacket, Noah reluctantly accepts Gino’s coat even though it makes him feel like he’s letting down Abel and his memory, and still not knowing Abel was possessed by a demon and just about to kill Noah.
Act 4:
Essence: Major complications and efforts to resolve uncertainty.
Crucible / Extreme Consequences: Noah must find a guaranteed supply of insulin.
Must Make Decision with Future Consequences / Plot intruding on life: Catherine will risk her nurse’s license to supply Noah with insulin.
Emotional Dilemma / Extreme consequences: Gino gets access to the police evidence room, ostensibly to look at drug evidence, steals several burner phones and some insulin for Noah.
Emotional Dilemma / External character conflicts AND time this to be at the worst moment: Mary is ordered by her father to move overseas to manage one of his companies, which he assumes will prevent her from getting together with Noah.
Crucible / Undeserved misfortune AND make it more physically threatening: When Kane battles the demon for control, the demon forces him to walk the perilous edge of a roof on a tall building. Kane begs for his life. The demon allows Kane to live. Kane agrees to kill Noah.
Act 5:
Essence: Characters are now locked into their journey.
Must Make Decision with Future Consequences / Witnessing the pain of others AND put a goal at significant risk: Father Zeke conceals an illegal donation that will keep his shelter open.
Crucible / External character conflicts: Kane shows up to ask Father Zeke to tell him if Noah comes around, gives Zeke a $50 dollar bill and his cell number.
Forced Decision / Extreme consequences: Desperately needing food and rest, Noah shows up just as Kane is leaving the shelter. Zeke points Kane out to Noah and…
Forced Decision / Undeserved misfortune AND make it more painful AND raise the stakes: Noah sees Kane at a distance walking away, thinks he’s seeing the ghost of Abel. Noah’s PTSD kicks in and he faints in Zeke’s arms.
Crucible / Undeserved Misfortune: Noah stays at shelter, not knowing if he’ll get betrayed.
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Jeffery Alan Chase’s Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is how much deeper my story becomes when I develop each character’s story line independent of the other characters and then fold all the story lines into my enhanced outline. This is most definitely a work in progress.
Enhanced 5 Act structure for THE BACKPACK.
Logline: When he finds a battered backpack, a homeless veteran’s life takes a spiritual turn as the supernatural contents of it alter both his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he encounters.
(NA) stands for Noah Adams
(KK) stands for Keith Kane
(AK) stands for Abel Kane
(JJ) stands for James John
(CS) stands for Catherine Schaffer
(GM) stands for Gino Morelli
(MA) stands for Mary Adams
(FZ) stands for Father Zeke
Teaser:
Essence: Noah on Humvee patrol in Afghanistan, jokes with best friend Corporal ABEL KANE, they come under fire, Noah returns fire and kills sniper, sarcastically praises Jesus for saving him, an evil change comes over Abel, he pulls his pistol, aims it at Noah but jerks the steering wheel, Noah’s machine gun accidentally blasts an apartment killing innocent civilians just as…
Lock in: The Humvee rolls over an IED and blows up, Abel and 4 other GI’s dead, Noah seriously injured, barely alive, bad cut on forehead.
Act 1:
Essence: Introduction to the World and the characters.
(NA Beginning) Close up of healed cut on forehead on…Noah, now back in the U.S., bearded and homeless, seeks shelter in an abandoned warehouse, discovers a battered backpack containing a small cross with “God loves you” on it and several other worthless items. He tries to sell the backpack on the street for a few bucks, but no one is buying it.
As Noah is about to toss the backpack into a dumpster, he sees a homeless woman trying to commit suicide on the freeway. He pulls her to safety, gives her the cross from the backpack and words of encouragement. She glows with the happiness of a born-again Christian.
Act 2:
Essence: Conflict introduction that leads to midpoint. Noah is confused, desperate to understand what is happening.
(KK Beginning) Respected US Army Major CID, twin brother of the late ABEL KANE, at work.
(JJ Beginning) Long haul trucker doing his job, picks up Noah on the side of the road. James says he’s seen the backpack before.
(NA TP1) Noah is shocked to see that new items have mysteriously shown up in the backpack. He pulls out a page torn from a Gideon bible.
(JJ TP 1) The bible page has words on it that helped to forever change James’s life. James is certain that Noah has been chosen by God to spread the gospel to those who need to hear it.
(KK TP1) Has an evil look on his face as he resigns his commission to “bring Noah to justice”.
(CS Beginning) Excited she may have found a clue about her heritage back to the time of Christ.
Act 3:
Essence: Uncertainty and deepening of character layers. Noah rejects his mission from God.
(NA Midpoint) Noah throws the backpack from an overpass, but it ricochets back at him off a freight train engine and knocks him silly in the middle of the road.
(CS TP1) Driving her car, she nearly hits Noah who is lying in the middle of the road.
(KK Midpoint) Keith, now controlled by demon that possessed Abel, is ordered to kill Noah.
(JJ Major Conflict) Living a Christian life as he battles addiction and memories of family trauma.
(CS Midpoint) Must use her medical skills to save Noah from diabetic shock.
Act 4:
Essence: Major complications and efforts to resolve uncertainty.
(NA TP2) He wants to pay Catherine for the ride, reaches into the backpack, laughs at himself because he knows there’s no money in it – but pulls out a small piece of ancient pottery.
(CS TP2) She sees that it is a piece of a clay lamp from the time of Christ and suddenly realizes that Noah may be prophesized messenger in her family’s history.
(KK Major conflict) Keith battles doing what is right versus what the demon wants him to do.
(JJ Dilemma) How can he help Noah if it will also rip open painful memories of the past?
(CS Dilemma) Catherine loses her nurse’s license if she continues to provide Noah with insulin.
Act 5:
Essence: Characters are now locked into their journey.
(CS ending) drops off Noah at a homeless shelter, gives him money, wants to stay in touch.
(FZ Beginning) offers Noah a meal and bed for the night and mentions that a guy was just here looking for Noah, Zeke points to him as he walks away from the shelter – it is Keith Kane.
(NA Ending) Noah reacts like he’s seen a ghost. Quick flashback of his best friend, ABEL, who was killed in Afghanistan. How can Abel still be alive?
(NA Major Conflict) Noah must now stay one step ahead of Kane, who wants to kill Noah.
(NA Dilemma) How does a hunted man who helps others find salvation, find it himself before he is executed?
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Pilot Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is how I can use all the hooks, set ups, characters, conflicts, and more from earlier lessons to build out a rough outline. I’m pretty sure about several of my “Requirements”. I received some interesting returns from AI but I’m going to go with my stuff for the time being. It’s definitely a work in progress.
Essence: Ex-Army veteran NOAH ADAMS seeks shelter in an abandoned warehouse, discovers a battered backpack containing a small aluminum cross with “God loves you” on it.
Turning Point: A man with a gun appears, Noah reacts like he’s seeing a ghost. Quick flashback of his best friend killed in Afghanistan. But this is the same man! Noah ducks as the man pulls the trigger. BANG. Noah escapes out a broken window with the backpack.
Act 1:
Essence: Noah on the street, tries to sell the backpack for a few bucks but no one’s buying.
Turning Point: Before he can drop it in a dumpster, Noah sees a homeless woman trying to commit suicide on the freeway. He pulls her to safety, gives her the cross from the backpack and words of encouragement. She glows with the happiness of a new-born Christian.
Act 2:
Essence: Noah wanders streets, confused, desperate to understand what just happened. He hitches a ride with James, a trucker who has seen the backpack before. It once saved his life.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Noah learns a new item has mysteriously shown up in the backpack. It’s a page torn from a Gideon bible and the words forever changed James’s life. James is convinced that Noah has been chosen to spread the gospel to those who need to hear it.
Act 3:
Essence: Noah doesn’t want the job. He throws the backpack from an overpass, but it ricochets back at him off a freight train engine and knocks him silly in the middle of the road.
Turning Point: Traveling nurse Catherine’s car tires screech to avoid Noah lying in the road.
Act 4:
Essence: Noah’s speech is slurred as Catherine drives, he’s groggy but wants to pay her for the ride, reaches into the backpack, laughs at himself because he knows there’s nothing in it – but pulls out a small piece of ancient pottery. Catherine is shocked – it’s a piece of a clay oil lamp – made during the time of Christ. She’s spent her entire life searching for evidence of “the One”. Could it be Noah?
Turning Point: Catherine recognizes that Noah is diabetic and in big trouble. She doesn’t have a prescription, but pulls insulin from her medical bag, injects him – it’ll be their secret.
Act 5:
Essence: Noah gets out of Catherine’s car at a homeless shelter. She gives him money. Noah meets Father Zeke, receives a meal and bed for the night.
Lock In: Father Zeke mentions a guy came by with a photo of Noah, asking questions about an ex-Army sergeant who escaped custody and is wanted for war crimes. Are you that guy, Noah?
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is I have refined my inciting incident down and believe my pilot will serve as the inciting incident for the entire series.
Intriguing Concept: When he finds a battered backpack, a homeless veteran’s life takes a spiritual turn as the supernatural contents of it alter both his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he encounters.
Act 1: Introduce Noah and his normal life on the street and on the run from false charges of War Crimes, as he finds a battered backpack in an abandoned warehouse.
Midpoint: Noah inadvertently uses a small item in the backpack to save the life of a suicidal woman and realizes that the backpack has powerful and unknown spiritual properties.
Lock In: Noah is hooked to discover who created the backpack and why.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Big Picture Components
What I learned doing this assignment is that most of the elements of this exercise could be pulled from my BW Framework. I found the other elements I needed in my pitch deck/bible.
TITLE: The Backpack
GENRE: One-hour serialized Christian Thriller
SERIES INFO:
World: The inspiring world of Christian redemption through the experiences of a homeless Army veteran as he deals with his personal demons and the rogue Army C.I.D. agent who wants to arrest him for war crimes.
Main mystery: Who created the backpack and why?
Impossible Goal: Always find an item in the backpack that can in some way help each person that Noah encounters to become born again.
Main Conflict: Good versus Evil.
Second Mystery: Why was Noah chosen to discover the backpack?
Season 1 Arc: Noah goes from being a man angry at being forcibly “voluntold” to take on an unwanted challenge to a conflicted evangelist who is convinced there is a world greater that what we can see but isn’t yet ready to re-accept a merciful God is in control of our lives.
Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: From a one-time-believer-turned-sceptic to someone who is obsessed with finding the answers to his spiritual questions.
PILOT INFO:
Pilot Conflict: Noah must stay one step ahead of Kane, who wants to arrest, or worse, execute him.
Characters Introduced:
Noah
Kane
Abel
James
Catherine
Gino
Mary
Father William
Inciting Incident of Season 1: Noah discovers a battered backpack in an abandoned warehouse.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Visually Appealing Bible
What I learned doing this assignment is how much the correct image increases the emotional appeal of my pitch bible/deck. Fortunately, I’ve had a lot of experience over the years in working with images. I’m ready to exchange my pitch bible/deck.
Please contact me at jeff@chaseinternet.com. Looking forward to reading yours!
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Edited TV Pitch Bible
What I learned doing this assignment is that by going back over my bible/deck starting at the end, middle and beginning and then sideways, and skipping around I found a number of areas I could improve. All in all, I’m very happy with my pitch bible/deck.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is I didn’t like 90+% of my previous titles I came up with or the titles generated by AI. I felt like they were place holder quality. After some serious thought, I came up with all my episode titles based either on the major conflict in the episode or the new direction of the episode. Pretty cool exercise.
Old titles:
Episode 1: “Divine Encounter”
Episode 2: “Guiding Light”
Episode 3: “Healing Touch”
Episode 4: “Unholy Pursuit”
Episode 5: “Sins of the Past”
Episode 6: “Faith Tested”
Episode 7: “Divine Intervention”
Episode 8: “Final Revelation”
New titles:
Episode 1: “Just by Chance?”
Episode 2: “It’s Not My Bag”
Episode 3: “The Power of Words”
Episode 4: “Wholly Unholy Pursuit”
Episode 5: “Friend or Fiend?”
Episode 6: “Faith Matters”
Episode 7: “Test of Truth”
Episode 8: “Final Revelation”
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that working backwards from the end of my bible helped me to work on just the paragraph in question without any expectation of reading the subsequent paragraph. I made sure I had setups and reveals and was able to make the bible flow better. I also found some rascal spelling errors.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Edited TV Pitch Bible
What I learned doing this assignment is that by going back over my bible/deck starting at the end, middle and beginning and then sideways, and skipping around I found a number of areas I could improve. All in all, I’m very happy with my pitch bible/deck.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is I didn’t like 90+% of my previous titles I came up with or the titles generated by AI. I felt like they were place holder quality. After some serious thought, I came up with all my episode titles based either on the major conflict in the episode or the new direction of the episode. Pretty cool exercise.
Old titles:
Episode 1: “Divine Encounter”
Episode 2: “Guiding Light”
Episode 3: “Healing Touch”
Episode 4: “Unholy Pursuit”
Episode 5: “Sins of the Past”
Episode 6: “Faith Tested”
Episode 7: “Divine Intervention”
Episode 8: “Final Revelation”
New titles:
Episode 1: “Just by Chance?”
Episode 2: “It’s Not My Bag”
Episode 3: “The Power of Words”
Episode 4: “Wholly Unholy Pursuit”
Episode 5: “Friend or Fiend?”
Episode 6: “Faith Matters”
Episode 7: “Test of Truth”
Episode 8: “Final Revelation”
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Presents Non-Stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is that working backwards from the end of my bible helped me to work on just the paragraph in question without any expectation of reading the subsequent paragraph. I made sure I had setups and reveals and was able to make the bible flow better. I also found some rascal spelling errors.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is I felt I already had a lot of intrigue in my bible. Just found a whole bunch more.
A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
Colonel Keith Kane, the Army CID agent hunting down Noah until recently was a stand-up, pleasant and professional guy who was admired by his peers.
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
Kane has been possessed by a demon whose mission it is to kill Noah.
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..
How can Kane still access the NSA database to search for Noah? One or more of his superiors are also possessed.
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.
When Kane corners him in an abandoned house, Noah is convinced and confused he’s seeing a ghost – the ghost of Abel, his best friend who was killed in Afghanistan. Noah wasn’t aware that Abel had a twin brother: Kane.
E. But maybe it is all wrong.
If Noah is the wrong guy for anything that has to do with the backpack… then why does he feel so strongly driven to learn who created it and why?
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences
Noah has a pattern of belittling his feeling of joy when someone discovers salvation with an item in the backpack. Gino has a pattern of joking about his feelings of suicide. James has a pattern of working on unreliable “James’ time”. Catherine has a pattern of belittling the power of her emotions. Mary has a pattern of allowing blame and guilt to direct her actions with her family. Father Zeke has a pattern of subtext, similar to Noah’s, that his words of denial often conflict with his actions.
G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.
If Noah allows himself to go into insulin shock, it means he needs to see what God will do.
If Kane pleasantly asks information of someone, it means he plans to use it against Noah.
If James doesn’t show up on time, it means he’s teaching Noah a lesson he needs to learn.
If Catherine says she’s, “working on something” it means she’s learned a clue about her family.
If Gino says he’s going to commit suicide, he just might do it.
If Mary writes a big check, it means she might be embezzling from her family.
If Father Zeke has to make “some calls”, he is setting up something for Noah.
H. State the mystery.
Who created the backpack and why?
I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.
Kane could just be angry over the death of his twin brother, but he is driven by the demon that possesses him to execute Noah.
J. Intense language.
Noah denies that he’s on a mission from God and only will admit that he is on a crusade to learn how the backpack was created so he can make a fortune from it.
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Jeffrey Alan TV Pitch Bible Investigation
What I learned doing this assignment is how being forced to ask 5 simple questions brings up a wealth of new layers, questions and conflicts for my characters and my story. Everything is getting much more elevated and rounded out.
Use in TV Pitch Bible:
- Noah’s powerful sense of volunteerism
is driven by guilt when as a boy, he couldn’t save his sister from
drowning. He blames himself, even though there was nothing he could do. After
her death, Noah rejected his Christian faith, feeling God abandoned him. - His loss of faith is reinforced further
by the death of his best friend, Corporal Abel, in Afghanistan.
Use in Episodes:
- Noah’s traumas are responsible for his
subconscious drive to make things right again. - Mary offers advice to Catherine on
how she can best handle Noah’s past trauma. But is Mary really worried
about Noah? Or is she worried about Catherine’s attraction to him? Is Mary
just setting Catherine up for a fall? Mary is still in love with Noah and
may do good and bad things, which confuses both Catherine and us. - Mary’s father wasn’t responsible for forcing
her to divorce Noah. It was Mary’s idea because she blamed Noah for damaging
her social reputation. Mary becomes a much more conflicted character because
the pressure of her guilt causes her to shift between good and evil decisions
and it’s hard to figure out which she really is. - Father Zeke feels guilty that he was once
tempted to launder money at his shelter. - James cautions Noah to avoid believing
items in the backpack have any spiritual power. The temptation to believe
they do is a big lie of Satan. The items only serve as a catalyst to unleash
the power of the Holy Spirit in those to whom the item means something. - Noah wasn’t aware that his best
friend in Afghanistan, Abel, was possessed by a demon. When Abel was
killed, the demon then possessed, Kane, his twin brother, who now relentlessly
pursues Noah. Satan had a backup plan to stop Noah from his mission. - James learned the hard way he couldn’t
balance a life of dealing drugs with being a loving family man. When his wife
and baby were killed in a gang-related home invasion, James’s anger and
guilt was turned into understanding and compassion by a previous caretaker
of the backpack. - Noah learns from James that God is
timeless, living outside of time altogether, knowing past, present and future
as one. The devil is constrained by time and must constantly change his plans
based on what occurs in the present. - Noah learns from James in Season 1
that his mission comes from Ephesians, 2:10 where it states, “God has a
plan for each individual’s career, and He has already prepared
opportunities for us to use our skills and abilities for good.” - Noah’s flaw is thinking that hardening
his heart and mind will protect him from ever being used by someone again.
God uses Noah’s weakness to lead him to help others and realize at some
point, that he can help himself if he simply opens his heart to Jesus. - If Noah’s mission is orchestrated by
God, then missions of other characters may also be. - If any of Kane’s superiors are possessed,
then evil permeates the US government. - If the end times is a real thing,
then is The Backpack God’s plea to accept Jesus Christ? - What if we are in the end times and The
Backpack is a wakeup call to accept Jesus? - What if The Backpack is the inspired Word
of God? - What if one or more of Kane’s Army
superiors are also possessed? - What if angels appear from time to
time but Noah is too blind or won’t see them? - What if Noah can at times, like God,
not be subject to the constriction of time? - What if we are in the end times and
Noah has been chosen to expose the Beast? - What if Noah is the Beast?
- How could Kane’s possession have
happened? Kane’s twin brother, Abel, was supposed to kill Noah but Abel died
instead. Because God was protecting Noah, Abel’s demon then possessed
Kane. - How could Father Zeke’s loss of faith
have happened? Late on the shelter’s bills and in need of quick cash, he succumbed
to temptation and laundered some for a local real estate developer and
shelter supporter. Zeke immediately regretted his decision.
How could this get even worse?
- Noah’s physical and mental health deteriorate
under the strain. - Mary embezzles from her family’s
fortune to fund Father Zeke. - One of Noah’s closest allies will
betray him. But it will be a false betrayal to throw us off. Or will it be
false?
Don’t use:
- Maybe Noah is occasionally possessed
but isn’t aware.
- Noah’s powerful sense of volunteerism
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Show Summary
What I learned doing this assignment is that the AI summary blew me away with the conciseness of its return. I worked all day to come up with my show summary. I got back a more concise summary from AI – which I still needed to edit heavily – almost instantaneously. Very cool. I’m enjoying AI, but really love that I’m doing all the hard work of the writing.
PROMPT
V1: Pilot Structure to Summary1. Set up: Homeless veteran NOAH ADAMS, haunted by false war crime charges, is pursued by demon-possessed Army CID agent KEITH KANE. Seeking refuge in a deserted warehouse, Noah stumbles upon a battered backpack with a mysterious cross inside.
2. Twist/Hook: As Noah encounters a woman on the brink of suicide, he uses the cross from the backpack to bring her back from despair, rediscovering fragments of his lost Christian faith. Noah finds new items in the backpack that weren’t there the day before, leaving Noah bewildered.
3. Layer beneath surface – Major Empathy/Distress: Noah, grappling with his own faith rejection, is compelled to help people in crisis using the inexplicable contents of the backpack. His encounters challenge his beliefs and force him to confront deep-rooted pain from both his country and his denial of God’s existence.
4. Twist/Hook: Noah hitches a ride with JAMES, who recognizes the backpack and cryptically speaks of Noah’s destiny. James hints at a divine purpose behind the supernatural events, leaving Noah even more perplexed and raising questions about the origin of the backpack.
5. Impossible to solve conflict or major mystery: Noah’s mission becomes unclear as he encounters more people in distress, each time finding a unique item in the backpack that aids them in finding or renewing their Christian faith. Meanwhile, demon-possessed Kane intensifies his pursuit, escalating the threat against Noah’s life and putting in danger those who feel compelled to aid Noah.
6. Final Hook into the Series – Extreme Dramatic Question: Will Noah unravel the mystery behind the backpack’s supernatural power and his divine mission before the relentless Kane captures him?
As Noah navigates the blurred lines between his troubled military past, the bubbling renewal of his spirituality, and a demonic adversary, the series unfolds with the ultimate question: Can faith prevail against both earthly and supernatural enemies?
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Episode Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is AI in some cases can follow what I have created and build on it. In other cases, it can provide me with some out-of-the-box thinking to help me develop my story. I also have found that AI has a lot of issues with Christian faith. In several instances where I specifically entered Christian terms, it returned ideas that were totally “Christian-less”. But all in all, I’ve got to admit I look forward to seeing where AI takes my story.
Episode 1: “Divine Encounter” Noah, a homeless veteran, stumbles upon a backpack with a cross, sparking inexplicable visions. Pursued by relentless C.I.D agent Kane, Noah’s spiritual awakening begins, setting the stage for a divine intervention.
Episode 2: “Guiding Light” As Noah, James, and the backpack hit the road, Noah’s visions intensify, revealing a larger purpose. Kane closes in, and an angel warns of looming danger, hinting at a supernatural showdown.
Episode 3: “Healing Touch” Noah uses the backpack’s powers to heal a dying woman, testing his newfound abilities. Kane’s demonic connection emerges, while Catherine uncovers a link to a malevolent agenda, escalating the stakes.
Episode 4: “Unholy Pursuit” Kane’s demonic possession is confirmed as Noah grapples with using the backpack’s powers. Father Zeke urges Noah to seize opportunities, while Kane, driven by dark forces, sets a dangerous trap.
Episode 5: “Sins of the Past” Flashbacks reveal Noah’s past, and Kane’s possession leads to violent confrontations. Father Zeke unveils the backpack’s biblical prophecy, and Mary’s heartbreaking choice endangers Noah.
Episode 6: “Faith Tested” Noah faces a crisis of faith as Kane, under demonic control, wreaks havoc. Catherine discovers the backpack’s spiritual significance, and James reveals a demonic plot orchestrating a showdown between good and evil.
Episode 7: “Divine Intervention” Flashbacks unveil Noah’s past, and a battle between Noah and Kane’s demonic entity ensues. Gino uncovers a terrible truth, leading to an unexpected turn and a new, greater threat looming.
Episode 8: “Final Revelation” Flashbacks reveal the backpack’s origin tied to an ancient prophecy. Guided by newfound wisdom, Noah confronts the demon alone, leading to sacrifices, injuries, and a mysterious figure hinting at a deeper conspiracy.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Episode List Rough Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is what a good exercise this is to organize my thoughts about multiple episodes for five seasons. Great way of organizing my thoughts. I was surprised by several ideas AI generated for episodes of the first season. It’s helping me develop more layers and conflicts.
SEASON 1 CHEAT SHEET
BEGINNING: On the run from false charges of war crimes, homeless Army veteran NOAH ADAMS discovers a battered backpack. Inside, are common items that will force him to look at his estranged relationship with God and will deeply affect people in crisis that he encounters.
ENDING/CLIFFHANGER: Kane, a rogue C.I.D agent who is hunting down Noah, forces his rich ex-wife to betray him and set a trap where Kane will arrest – or more likely kill Noah.
MYSTERY SETUP:
Who created the backpack and when?
Why was Noah somehow “chosen” to receive the backpack?
How do new things show up in the backpack that weren’t in it the day before?
What do James, Catherine, Gino, Mary, and Catherine know about the backpack?
Where will the backpack take Noah?
JOURNEY:
Beginning of season: Noah is on the street, homeless and has turned his back on God. Father Zeke gives him a job in the shelter where, much to his surprise, items he pulls from the backpack help several homeless people become born again Christians.
End of season: Noah rebels against what he feels is against his will being led back to God. He wants to destroy the backpack – but can’t. He doesn’t know why but feels he must protect it.
LAYERS:
A. Hidden Agendas: Noah secretly seeks redemption from false accusations in Afghanistan.
B. Competition: He must battle inner demons and doubts about his lost Christian faith.
C. Conspiracy: Believes there may be a divine purpose behind the backpack but won’t admit it has supernatural properties.
D. Secrets: Deep pain from platoon loss in Afghanistan and wrongful accusations.
E. Deception: Pretends to be a common homeless man to hide from persecution and protect the backpack’s secrets.
F. Wound: Emotional trauma from false massacre accusations and loss of comrades.
G. Secret Identity: May uncover hidden abilities or responsibilities related to the backpack.
MAJOR STORY LINES:
- Noah is a homeless veteran who discovers a backpack with supernatural
Christian properties. - Kane is a rogue Army C.I.D. agent who wants to arrest Noah for the
death of his twin brother and war crimes and but who unknowingly is
possessed by a demon who has orders to kill Noah. - James is a wise long-haul trucker who acts as a mentor and helps
transport Noah. James has seen the backpack before. - Catherine is a traveling nurse who supplies Noah with life-saving
insulin, advice and is sexually attracted to Noah. - Gino is a retired homicide detective who is indebted to Noah for
saving his love and supports Noah with burner phones and secret intel to
help him stay free. - Mary is Noah’s rich ex-wife and whose father forced her to divorce
Noah when he was charged, falsely, with war crimes. Mary still loves Noah
and feels deep guilt for abandoning him. - Father Zeke is Noah’s bitter friend, spiritual grounding rod and religious
debate partner.
Episode 1: “Divine Encounter”
<ul type=”disc”>
- Teaser: Noah discovers the
backpack while seeking shelter in an abandoned warehouse. Mysterious
symbols glow when he touches its contents.- Main Character Journey:
Noah begins to experience inexplicable visions and dreams, leading him to
question his past and his relationship with God.- Major Challenge/Conflict:
Kane, a relentless C.I.D agent, is hot on Noah’s trail, believing he is
responsible for his twin brother’s death and war crimes.- Midpoint: James, the long-haul
trucker, recognizes the supernatural backpack and offers to help Noah on
his journey.- Action/Reaction:
Catherine, the traveling nurse, provides Noah with life-saving insulin,
revealing her growing attraction to him. Noah grapples with the spiritual
implications of the backpack’s contents.- Cliffhanger: Kane locates Noah at the
abandoned warehouse, leading to a tense confrontation.<hr size=”2″ width=”100%” align=”center”>
Episode 2: “Guiding Light”
<ul type=”disc”>
- Teaser: Flashback reveals James’s
encounter with the backpack years ago, hinting at its divine origins.- Main Character Journey:
Noah, James, and the backpack embark on a road trip. Noah grapples with
the supernatural experiences, seeking guidance from James.- Major Challenge/Conflict:
Kane intensifies his pursuit, closing in on the trio. Meanwhile, Noah’s
visions become more vivid, revealing a larger purpose.- Midpoint: James imparts spiritual
wisdom to Noah, explaining the backpack’s potential to change lives and
offering guidance on its use.- Action/Reaction:
Gino, the retired detective, contacts Noah through a burner phone,
providing crucial intel on Kane’s movements.- Cliffhanger: A mysterious figure
appears in Noah’s visions, cryptically warning him of a looming danger.<hr size=”2″ width=”100%” align=”center”>
Episode 3: “Healing Touch”
<ul type=”disc”>
- Teaser: Noah uses the backpack’s
contents to miraculously heal a wounded woman, solidifying his belief in
its divine power.- Main Character Journey:
Noah grapples with the responsibility of wielding the backpack’s
supernatural abilities and the ethical implications of intervening in
people’s lives.- Major Challenge/Conflict: Catherine
faces a life-threatening situation, testing Noah’s newfound abilities and
commitment to helping others.- Midpoint: Gino reveals a connection
between Kane and a demonic presence, linking the agent to a higher,
malevolent agenda.- Action/Reaction:
Father Zeke, Noah’s friend, offers spiritual guidance and warns him of the
potential consequences of meddling with supernatural forces.- Cliffhanger: Kane, frustrated by
Noah’s elusiveness, becomes increasingly obsessed, risking exposure of his
own dark secret.<hr size=”2″ width=”100%” align=”center”>
Episode 4: “Unholy Pursuit”
<ul type=”disc”>
- Teaser: Kane’s demonic possession
is hinted at during a confrontation with a mysterious figure.- Main Character Journey:
Noah grapples with the moral dilemma of using the backpack’s powers for
personal gain as he encounters more people in desperate need.- Major Challenge/Conflict:
Kane’s demonic influence grows stronger, clouding his judgment and pushing
him to extreme measures.- Midpoint: Gino uncovers Kane’s dark
secret, realizing the agent is being manipulated by a supernatural force.- Action/Reaction:
Catherine’s trust in Noah is tested as his actions become increasingly
risky. James warns of the dangers of unchecked power.- Cliffhanger: Kane, now fully aware of
the backpack’s significance, sets a trap for Noah, endangering everyone
around him.<hr size=”2″ width=”100%” align=”center”>
Episode 5: “Sins of the Past”
<ul type=”disc”>
- Teaser: Flashbacks reveal Noah’s
life before the false war crimes accusations, shedding light on his
strained relationship with Mary.- Main Character Journey:
Noah confronts his past and seeks redemption, while Kane’s demonic
possession leads to a violent confrontation.- Major Challenge/Conflict:
Mary, tormented by guilt, struggles with her loyalty to her father and her
lingering love for Noah.- Midpoint: Father Zeke shares a
revelation about the true nature of the backpack, linking it to a biblical
prophecy.- Action/Reaction:
Gino’s investigation into Kane’s past reveals shocking connections to a
cult with ties to the demonic realm.- Cliffhanger: Mary, torn between love
and loyalty, makes a heartbreaking choice that puts Noah in greater peril.<hr size=”2″ width=”100%” align=”center”>
Episode 6: “Faith Tested”
<ul type=”disc”>
- Teaser: Noah faces a crisis of
faith as he grapples with the consequences of his actions and the growing
darkness surrounding the backpack.- Main Character Journey:
Noah seeks guidance from Father Zeke and battles internal demons,
questioning the true source of the backpack’s power.- Major Challenge/Conflict:
Kane, fully under demonic control, launches a relentless pursuit, leaving
a trail of chaos and destruction.- Midpoint: Catherine discovers the
spiritual significance of the backpack, deepening her connection to Noah
and the unfolding supernatural events.- Action/Reaction:
James reveals the existence of a secret society dedicated to preserving
the balance between supernatural forces, with the backpack at its center.- Cliffhanger: A powerful entity,
revealed as the mastermind behind Kane’s possession, sets its sights on
Noah, orchestrating a showdown between light and darkness.<hr size=”2″ width=”100%” align=”center”>
Episode 7: “Divine Intervention”
<ul type=”disc”>
- Teaser: The secret society is
revealed, as its members prepare for a showdown with the malevolent force
controlling Kane.- Main Character Journey:
Noah faces a series of spiritual trials, testing his resolve and
understanding of the greater purpose behind the backpack.- Major Challenge/Conflict:
The society and Noah unite against Kane and the demonic entity, leading to
a battle that transcends the physical and spiritual realms.- Midpoint: Gino uncovers a hidden
truth about the society’s origins and its connection to the backpack’s
divine power.- Action/Reaction:
Catherine, now fully committed to Noah and the cause, uses her medical
expertise to aid the society in their battle.- Cliffhanger: The confrontation with
the demonic entity takes an unexpected turn, putting Noah and the society
at the mercy of an even greater threat.<hr size=”2″ width=”100%” align=”center”>Episode 8: “Final Revelation”<ul type=”disc”>
- Teaser: Flashbacks reveal the
origin of the backpack and its connection to an ancient prophecy
foretelling a battle between light and darkness.- Main Character Journey:
Noah, guided by newfound wisdom, prepares for the ultimate confrontation
with the malevolent force threatening to unleash chaos.- Major Challenge/Conflict:
The society and Noah engage in a final battle, combining their strengths
to thwart the demonic entity’s plans.- Midpoint: Gino confronts his own
demons, making a sacrifice that plays a crucial role in the unfolding
events.- Action/Reaction:
Catherine’s medical skills prove vital in the battle, while James imparts
a final piece of crucial information about the backpack.- Cliffhanger: As the dust settles, a
mysterious figure appears, revealing a deeper conspiracy and setting the
stage for a new, even more perilous chapter in Noah’s journey. - Noah is a homeless veteran who discovers a backpack with supernatural
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: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Five Seasons
What I learned doing this assignment is AI can be unbelievably overwhelming in how quickly it can return ideas for my project. It is allowing me to really open up and think outside the box.
Season 1: “Divine Encounter”
Beginning: Noah discovers the backpack and, through a series of events, realizes its supernatural influence on people in crisis. He struggles with the responsibility and the ambivalence toward God. Kane, a relentless Army C.I.D. agent, starts pursuing Noah.
Ending: Noah narrowly escapes Kane, leaving the viewers intrigued about the mysterious backpack’s origin and purpose. Noah begins preaching the gospel on the run, unknowingly becoming a messenger of divine intervention.
Season 2: “Unworthy Chosen”
Beginning: Noah discovers he isn’t the first backpack caretaker, learning about others who faced similar trials. He feels unworthy and questions why he was chosen.
Ending: Noah’s journey intertwines with James, who holds crucial knowledge about the backpack’s divine contents. The season ends with Kane closing in, and Noah realizing the supernatural forces at play are beyond his understanding.
Season 3: “Seeking Redemption”
Beginning: Noah seeks to uncover the backpack’s creator and purpose, addressing his own spiritual failings. The pursuit intensifies as Kane becomes more entangled in demonic possession.
Ending: The bigger mystery unfolds as Noah gets closer to understanding the backpack’s divine nature. A major layer is exposed, revealing the supernatural stakes involved. Kane becomes more menacing, revealing his conflicted intentions driven by both hate and possession.
Season 4: “Betrayal’s Trial”
Beginning: Noah must fake his death and betray those who have befriended him to uncover his true allies for the final mission. The conflict escalates as the stakes grow higher.
Ending: The bigger conflict emerges as Noah faces the consequences of his betrayal, realizing who his true friends are. Kane’s pursuit becomes more relentless, setting the stage for the ultimate confrontation.
Season 5: “Eternal Redemption”
Beginning: Noah turns the tables and pursues Kane to save him and his possessed cohorts in government and the news media from eternal damnation. The conflict moves to a bigger arena with spiritual battles.
Ending: The final showdown takes place, exposing the bigger opponent — a demonic force manipulating events. Noah’s mission becomes a fight for not only his redemption but also the salvation of others. The series concludes with a revelation about the supernatural realm’s influence on earthly events, leaving room for speculation and reflection on the themes of faith and redemption.
Season 1: “Divine Encounter”
A. High Concept: Homeless vet Noah discovers a supernatural backpack that alters destinies.
B. Big Picture Arc: Noah becomes a messenger of divine intervention, pursued by a relentless Army C.I.D. agent.
C. Main Conflict: Noah grapples with the backpack’s influence and Kane’s relentless pursuit.
D. Main Mystery: The origin and purpose of the mysterious backpack.
E. Cliffhanger: Noah narrowly escapes Kane, but the backpack’s mysteries deepen.
Season 2: “Unworthy Chosen”
A. High Concept: Noah learns he’s not the first backpack caretaker, facing his unworthiness.
B. Big Picture Arc: Noah’s journey intertwines with James, who holds crucial knowledge.
C. Main Conflict: Noah questions his role while Kane becomes entangled in demonic possession.
D. Main Mystery: The divine contents of the backpack and its connection to other caretakers.
E. Cliffhanger: Kane closes in, and Noah realizes the supernatural forces are beyond his understanding.
Season 3: “Seeking Redemption”
A. High Concept: Noah seeks the backpack’s creator, addressing his spiritual failings.
B. Big Picture Arc: The pursuit intensifies as Kane becomes more entangled in demonic possession.
C. Main Conflict: Noah’s quest for redemption and Kane’s menacing pursuit.
D. Main Mystery: Uncovering the backpack’s divine nature and its influence on events.
E. Cliffhanger: A major layer is exposed, revealing the supernatural stakes involved.
Season 4: “Betrayal’s Trial”
A. High Concept: Noah must fake his death and betray allies for the final mission.
B. Big Picture Arc: The conflict escalates as Noah faces consequences and true friends emerge.
C. Main Conflict: Noah’s betrayal and Kane’s relentless pursuit.
D. Main Mystery: Identifying true allies for the ultimate mission.
E. Cliffhanger: The final confrontation is set, and the true extent of Kane’s intentions is revealed.
Season 5: “Eternal Redemption”
A. High Concept: Noah pursues Kane to save him and others from eternal damnation.
B. Big Picture Arc: The conflict moves to a bigger arena with spiritual battles.
C. Main Conflict: Noah’s fight for redemption and the salvation of others.
D. Main Mystery: The influence of a demonic force on earthly events.
E. Cliffhanger: The final showdown reveals a supernatural realm’s impact, leaving room for speculation and reflection.
5 SEASON SUMMARY:
Noah’s divine encounter sparks a journey as a messenger, pursued by Kane. Cliffhanger: Noah narrowly escapes Kane, deepening the backpack’s mysteries.
Uncovering the backpack’s history, Noah questions his worthiness. Cliffhanger: Kane closes in, revealing supernatural forces beyond Noah’s understanding.
Noah seeks redemption, facing a menacing Kane and exposing supernatural stakes. Cliffhanger: A major layer unveils the backpack’s divine nature and its influence.
Noah’s betrayal sets the stage for the ultimate mission. Cliffhanger: The true extent of Kane’s intentions is revealed, leading to the final confrontation.
Noah fights for eternal redemption, revealing a demonic force’s impact. Cliffhanger: The showdown exposes a supernatural realm, sparking speculation on faith and redemption.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Character Descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is how it forces me to pull info from my framework and refine it for each character. I’m getting to know each of them much better and it’s making my story more powerful.
NOAH ADAMS
In the gripping world of Christian redemption, Noah Adams, a homeless ex-military veteran falsely charged with war crimes, discovers a mysterious backpack that thrusts him into a spiritual journey with supernatural consequences.
Escaping from a courthouse before sentencing, Noah must stay one step ahead of rogue and relentless Army C.I.D. agent, Kane, who adds a layer of danger to his every move.
Preaching the gospel while on the run, Noah’s unpredictable decisions, and the potential betrayal from those he encounters, including James, Catherine, Gino, and Father Zeke, create a web of intrigue that transforms his quest for redemption into a high stakes battle against both his personal demons and the forces seeking to bring him to justice.
KEITH KANE
Keith Kane, a decorated Army Colonel turned rogue Army CID agent has an enigmatic past. Blaming Noah, a homeless Army veteran, for the death of his twin brother, Kane becomes an antagonist driven by hate and loyalty. Unbeknownst to him, a demonic possession fuels his relentless pursuit, as he paradoxically claims to seek justice while harboring a dark intent to kill Noah, leading to a web of lies, mysteries, and conflicted relationships that threaten to unravel the delicate balance between redemption and damnation.
JAMES JOHN
A wise and heavily tattooed long-haul trucker haunted by a mysterious past is always armed with a concealed weapon. As a mentor to the homeless Army veteran Noah, James holds the key to a supernatural backpack that has altered destinies, and he knows more about its divine contents than he’s willing to reveal. With a conflicted drive to run from his past while aiding others, James’s unpredictable presence on “James’s Time” adds layers of intrigue, creating friction with Noah, Kane, and Catherine, all while weaving an enigmatic tapestry of faith and redemption in the unforgiving landscape of a Christian thriller.
CATHERINE SCHAFFER
A dedicated traveling nurse and genealogist with an inexplicable connection to the time of Christ becomes the linchpin in Noah’s spiritual journey. Reluctant at first, she discovers Noah might be the prophesied “messenger” in her family’s lore, leading her to risk everything, including her career and morality, as she clandestinely aids him with stolen insulin. Catherine’s intricate web of secrets, from her absent presence at her husband’s death to her obsession with her Jewish lineage, fuels a complex dynamic of desire and guilt, forging unpredictable alliances and conflicts that threaten to unravel both her and Noah’s fate.
GINO MORELLI
A bi-polar ex-homicide detective with a haunting history of destroying evidence becomes the linchpin in Noah’s quest for spreading the gospel to those in despair. Battling self-destructive tendencies and haunted by a past that led him to sabotage an internal investigation, Gino’s unpredictable emotional swings make him both an unreliable ally and a captivating mystery. As he navigates his intricate relationships with Noah, Father Zeke, and his old police department, Gino’s pursuit of redemption clashes with his involvement in Noah’s mission, setting the stage for a riveting Christian thriller where his secrets and inner turmoil drive conflict and add layers of complexity to the unfolding drama.
MARY ADAMS
Noah’s torn ex-wife embodies the perfect character for this one-hour serialized TV show. As a high-society insider with powerful connections, her intriguing history unfolds as she was forced by her wealthy father to divorce Noah when he faced war crimes charges. Secretly utilizing family resources to support Father Zeke’s homeless mission, Mary becomes a mysterious linchpin, haunted by guilt for abandoning Noah and driven to reconcile while dating eligible men, all while navigating conflicts with her father and the enigmatic Father Zeke, making her unpredictable actions a source of gripping intrigue in this Christian Thriller.
FATHER ZEKE
The disillusioned homeless shelter chaplain wears a façade of joy as he guides others towards spiritual salvation. However, beneath his happy exterior lies a bitter soul, haunted by a personal tragedy that severed his connection with faith. Zeke’s journey to rediscover his own lost faith becomes a mysterious odyssey, challenging his cynicism and forcing him to confront the haunting question of his worthiness for redemption. As Zeke grapples with inner demons, including the rogue Army C.I.D. agent hot on Noah’s trail, his unpredictable actions propel the one-hour serialized TV show into a gripping exploration of Christian thriller territory, where the character’s enigmatic past, conflicted relationships, and ironic role as a guide to redemption make him the perfect catalyst for intrigue, dilemmas, and unexpected twists in this supernatural and spiritually charged narrative.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Intriguing Concept and World
What I learned doing this assignment is that AI is acting as gut confirmation/validation that most of my ideas are where I want the story to go. AI is sometimes much more concise in a hook or bullet point. But sometimes it is quite a bit more verbose, rambling or off-target. But all in all, I’m finding that AI is a helpful tool for idea generation and validation of my own creativity.
My concept.
A. Noah, a homeless Army veteran,
B. … discovers a battered backpack,
C. … and his life takes a spiritual turn,
D. … as the supernatural contents of it alter both his destiny and the lives of people in crisis he meets.
Intriguing World of this show:
- Sub-world… the inspiring
world of Christian redemption… - …through the
experience of a homeless Army veteran… - …as he deals with
his personal demons and the rogue Army C.I.D. agent who wants to arrest him
for war crimes.
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- Unique Sub-World: The rewarding and oft-dangerous sub-world of Christian
evangelism.- Previously unexplored: How do you save anyone else when you can’t
save yourself?- The unknown: How will people react when they are born again?
- The unseen: God’s awesome power, evil forces, angels and demonic possession.
- Unheard of Dangers: Everything you think is true may be a lie.
- Reason to explore it: We are in the End Times.
- Sub-world… the inspiring
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Jeffrey Alan Chase is ready for feedback!
What I learned doing this assignment is I was able to fix some issues I had with several lessons. I either erroneously copied an original prompt or entered bad info into the prompt. Rather than having it take me hours and hours to redo lessons 10, 11 and 12, it took me about a half-hour to get the chat returns I wanted. I also used my BW Framework from my previous BW class. I wanted to know about my main six characters, and I got what I wanted. Very cool indeed. I’m ready for your feedback and happy to offer mine. Contact me at : jeff@chaseinternet.com.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Elevating Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment is how quickly AI can simplify information that I’ve come up with. Very cool how the returns are so precise and simple.
FOR NOAH:
· Role: Traumatized homeless vet seeking redemption with a supernatural backpack.
· Unique Purpose: Expert survival skills, born-again Christian turned skeptic.
· Intrigue: Ordinary items in backpack wield profound spiritual influence on people.
· Moral Issue: Struggles with backpack’s powers, facing moral dilemmas on justice and redemption.
· Unpredictable: Actions unpredictable as he grapples with backpack’s responsibility and consequences.
· Empathetic: Fleeing Army C.I.D., an underdog in a battle of good versus evil.
· Hidden Agendas: Secretly seeks redemption from false accusations in Afghanistan.
· Competition: Battles past demons and doubts about Christian faith.
· Conspiracies: Believes divine purpose behind the backpack, seeks truth in its supernatural properties.
· Secrets: Deep pain from platoon loss and wrongful accusations.
· Deception: Pretends to be a regular homeless man to protect backpack’s secrets.
· Wound: Emotional trauma from false massacre accusations and loss of comrades.
· Secret Identity: May uncover hidden abilities or responsibilities related to the backpack.
· Situational Hope: Hopes backpack’s supernatural properties can redeem his past.
· Situational Fear: Fears backpack’s powers might lead to more suffering.
· Motivation Want: Wants to clear his name and find redemption.
· Motivation Need: Needs to forgive himself for past actions.
· Mask: Fear – Masks fear of facing truth about Afghan incident and possible guilt.
· Weaknesses: Deep guilt over the past makes him vulnerable to self-doubt and despair.
· Triggers: Mention of the massacre triggers internal turmoil for Noah.
· Coping Mechanism: Clings to the hope of regaining faith and the backpack, but it may fracture.
FOR KEITH:
· Role: Antagonist, rogue CID agent hunting Noah, unwittingly manipulated by a demonic force.
· Purpose/Expertise: Expert survivalist with illegal access to government surveillance.
· Intrigue: Keith doubts Noah’s guilt but blinded by hate, seeks justice relentlessly.
· Moral Issue: Will do anything for justice, including deceit and potential violence.
· Unpredictable: Possessed by a demon, struggles with control, sanity, and morality.
· Empathetic: Essentially good, manipulated for sinister purposes by demonic influence.
· Hidden Agendas: Seeks revenge for his twin’s death, driven to bring Noah down.
· Competition: Unwittingly competes with supernatural forces using him as a pawn.
· Conspiracies: Suspects dark forces manipulating his pursuit of Noah.
· Secrets: Conflicted motivations hidden from superiors, haunted by personal guilt.
· Deception: Intentionally misled by malevolent influence, unaware of manipulation.
· Wound: Traumatized by his brother’s death, burdened by guilt for not protecting him.
· Secret Identity: May uncover supernatural ties to his own identity and heritage.
· Situational Fear: Fears his obsession will consume him, losing control.
· Situational Hope: Hopes to unravel truth about his brother’s death.
· Motivation Want: Seeks justice, driven to bring Noah to justice.
· Motivation Need: Needs closure for his brother’s death.
· Mask: Projects a determined CID agent image, masking deep anger and frustration.
· Weaknesses: Vulnerable to manipulation, exploited due to anger and obsession.
· Triggers: Evidence challenging Noah’s guilt triggers a crisis of faith.
· Coping Mechanism: Focuses on capturing Noah, but toxic obsession consumes him.
FOR JAMES:
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- Role:
Wise trucker aiding Noah’s escape.- Purpose:
Provides routes for Noah’s safety.- Intrigue:
Recognizes the mysterious backpack.- Moral
Dilemma: Can’t disclose backpack’s secrets.- Unpredictable:
Acts on gut, sporadically absent.- Empathy:
Homeless after a tragic invasion.- Hidden
Agenda: Guards backpack’s ancient knowledge.- Competition:
Protects sought-after supernatural artifacts.- Conspiracies:
Allegedly part of a secret artifact-guarding group.- Secrets:
Holds ancient wisdom, sees angels.- Deception:
Appears a simple trucker, conceals profound role.- Wound:
Bears a tragic loss tied to the backpack.- Secret
Identity: Potentially a guardian of relics.- Hope:
Aims to impact lives positively on the road.- Fear:
Worries about not doing enough.- Motivation
(Want): Guides Noah, offers wisdom.- Motivation
(Need): Confronts past regrets.- Mask:
Conceals regrets behind a calm exterior.- Weaknesses:
Struggles with inability to change the past.- Triggers:
Own mistakes trigger inner turmoil.- Coping:
Finds solace in helping others, sharing wisdom.FOR CATHERINE:
· Role in the show: Traveling nurse exploring ancient family ties to Christ.
· Unique Purpose / Expertise: Medical expert supplying life-saving insulin to Noah.
· Intrigue: Intense sexual tension with Noah.
· Moral Issue: Struggling with ethical dilemmas in medical care for Noah.
· Unpredictable: Wrestling with the unpredictable consequences of the backpack’s powers.
· Empathetic: Haunted by being away during her husband’s death.
· Hidden Agendas: Obsessed with her family tree’s supernatural connections.
· Competition: Battles emotions with Noah and his ex-wife.
· Conspiracies: Believes in a divine connection between God, the backpack, and Noah.
· Secrets: Holds key knowledge about the backpack’s spiritual significance.
· Deception: Conceals true intentions behind the facade of a traveling nurse.
· Wound: Haunted by a past supernatural mistake.
· Secret Identity: Guardian of ancient knowledge preparing for the backpack’s emergence.
· Situational Hope: Aims to unveil family secrets linked to supernatural events.
· Situational Fear: Afraid of the potential discoveries she might make.
· Motivation Want: Desires to protect and guide Noah as a surrogate husband.
· Motivation Need: Must confront her family’s hidden truths.
· Mask: Conceals anxieties about family history and supernatural involvement.
· Weaknesses: Vulnerable to fear and anxiety due to a secretive family past.
· Triggers: Uncovering family tree clues triggers intense anxiety.
· Coping Mechanism: Focuses on helping Noah and seeking truth, risking obsession.
FOR GINO:
· Role: Retired detective supplying Noah with crucial intel.
· Purpose/Expertise: Provides burner phones and police intel to aid Noah.
· Intrigue: Noah prevents Gino’s suicide, forging an unexpected bond.
· Moral Issue: Silent on police corruption; battles internal ethical conflicts.
· Unpredictable: Bi-polar struggles make Gino unreliable, adding suspense.
· Empathetic: Balancing helping others with personal demons; complex character.
· Hidden Agendas: Seeks redemption, haunted by past failures and losses.
· Competition: Battles inner demons while aiding Noah in a spiritual quest.
· Conspiracies: Discovers a larger spiritual conflict, becomes Noah’s protector.
· Secrets: Safeguarded backpack, life-changing event; harbors hidden truths.
· Deception: Feigns disinterest in PD but covertly solves a priest’s murder.
· Wound: Emotionally scarred by destroying evidence against corrupt captain.
· Secret Identity: Ties to the supernatural world through mysterious past actions.
· Situational Hope: Pins hope on Noah freeing him from the grip of depression.
· Situational Fear: Fears eternal redemption may elude him, haunted by mistakes.
· Motivation Want: Avoids confronting personal demons, driven by self-preservation.
· Motivation Need: Seeks purpose and forgiveness for past transgressions.
· Mask: Hides self-blame behind anger and blame; a facade of strength.
· Weaknesses: Tied to guilt and self-destructive behavior, surfaces under pressure.
· Triggers: Confrontation with past consequences sparks self-loathing and despair.
· Coping Mechanism: Aims for redemption through aiding others, but falters under pressure.
FOR MARY:
· Role: Torn ex-wife navigating loyalty and love.
· Purpose: High-society insider with powerful connections.
· Intrigue: Possible hidden reasons for yielding to her father’s demands.
· Moral Issue: Struggles with using family resources to spread the gospel.
· Unpredictable: Actions unpredictable as she grapples with consequences and responsibility.
· Empathetic: Trapped in a dysfunctional, wealthy family.
· Hidden Agendas: Balancing loyalty to family against love for Noah.
· Competition: Pressured to maintain family status and protect reputation.
· Conspiracies: May unravel supernatural secrets within her family.
· Secrets: Conceals guilt and true feelings about abandoning Noah.
· Deception: Pretends contentment with wealth but longs for deeper connection.
· Wound: Carries guilt for not standing by Noah in his darkest times.
· Secret Identity: Possible surprising connection to supernatural events.
· Situational Hope: Aims to reconcile with Noah and rebuild their relationship.
· Situational Fear: Fears her father’s disapproval and the irreversible damage.
· Motivation Want: Longs to be with Noah.
· Motivation Need: Must stand up to her controlling father and find her own path.
· Mask: Hides guilt behind a mask of independence and family loyalty.
· Weaknesses: Struggles with father’s influence and the weight of past choices.
· Triggers: Confrontations with her father and past decisions trigger guilt and indecision.
· Coping Mechanism: Tries to balance family and love for Noah, becoming increasingly challenging.
FOR FATHER ZEKE:
· Role: Bitter homeless shelter chaplain aiding Noah’s mysterious journey.
· Purpose: Runs shelters, aids Noah’s disappearance, connects with shelter networks.
· Intrigue: Dreams of the supernatural backpack, uncertain good or evil.
· Moral Issue: Conceals Noah from superiors, police, and Keith Kane.
· Unpredictable: Reveals intolerance on political views when pressed.
· Empathetic: Recovering alcoholic, ex-convict, helping others find faith.
· Hidden Agendas: Lost faith, holds potential key to Noah’s journey.
· Competition: Unintentionally challenges Noah to rediscover faith and purpose.
· Conspiracies: Believes in higher power but disillusioned by world’s darkness.
· Secrets: Conceals bitterness source, struggles with personal faith.
· Deception: Masks turmoil while aiding others in finding faith.
· Wound: Carries personal loss testing and shaking his faith.
· Secret Identity: May have a divine connection despite bitterness.
· Situational Hope: Desires a chance at redemption.
· Situational Fear: Fears bitterness has severed his connection to faith.
· Motivation Want: Believes in the goodness of people.
· Motivational Need: Must release past grievances and embrace hope.
· Mask: Veils bitterness with cynicism and disillusionment.
· Weaknesses: Tied to loss of faith and struggle finding meaning.
· Triggers: Encounters with Noah and supernatural events trigger inner conflict.
· Coping Mechanism: Guides others to faith, tested by his own struggles.
- Role:
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Creating Irony!
What I learned doing this assignment is that AI in many cases gave me returns that were in many cases very close to what I came up with myself. There were also opportunities for irony that I hadn’t thought about. It’s still a little bit like herding cats but very cool to see this coming together.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Watch the pilot episode of “The Queen’s Gambit” again and itemize the instances of irony.
- Beth’s mother loves her, but Beth will
die when her mother kills herself. - The janitor, the lowest person on the
totem pole, is a chess whiz who teaches Beth. - Beth is in a parochial orphanage but
gets addicted to tranquilizers. - The bleak tiled ceiling becomes Beth’s
imaginary chess board. - Beth is shy and timid but is the
smartest girl in the class.
ASSIGNMENT 2:
- Situational Irony – The Broken Savior:
- Noah, a broken and homeless veteran with
PTSD, becomes the unlikely carrier of a supernatural backpack that
contains powerful Christian properties. The man who appears to need
saving the most becomes an instrument of salvation for others. - Character Irony – Possessed Justice:
- Keith Kane, the antagonist pursuing Noah
for justice, is ironically possessed by a demon. While he believes he is
seeking justice for his fallen brother, he unwittingly becomes a pawn in
a darker, supernatural game. - Plot Irony – Redemption in the Shadows:
- Gino Morelli, a retired detective battling
depression, finds purpose in helping Noah, a man who was falsely accused
of horrific crimes. The one seeking redemption becomes the unlikely
savior for someone else. - Dramatic Irony – Unseen Forces:
- Throughout the series, the audience is
aware of the supernatural properties of the backpack, but the characters,
including Noah, remain oblivious to its true nature. Viewers watch as
divine intervention shapes events without the characters understanding the
source of the influence. - Relationship Irony – Forbidden Connection:
- The powerful sexual tension between Noah
and Catherine adds a layer of irony, given their starkly different
backgrounds and the challenging circumstances they face. Their
connection, while intense, is forbidden by societal norms and Catherine’s
own internal conflicts. - Dialogue Irony – Faith in the Unseen:
- Father Zeke, a disillusioned homeless
shelter chaplain, unknowingly becomes a source of inspiration for Noah.
Despite his own crisis of faith, Father Zeke’s words motivate Noah to
take on a divine mission, highlighting the irony of a doubtful spiritual
guide leading someone to a higher purpose. - Action Irony – The Gift of Life:
- Catherine, obsessed with her family tree
and historical lineage, unknowingly becomes a lifeline for Noah by
secretly supplying him with insulin. The woman focused on the past
becomes an instrument for ensuring Noah’s future. - Character Irony – Sacrifice for Family:
- Mary Adams, torn between loyalty to her
wealthy family and her love for Noah, undergoes a personal journey of
sacrifice. The woman forced to abandon Noah in the past finds herself
torn between duty and true love, navigating the complexities of family
ties. - Plot Irony – Homeless Savior:
- Noah, a homeless man, becomes a modern-day
savior for those in crisis he meets on the streets. The one who society
has discarded emerges as the unlikely hero, showcasing the irony of
finding salvation in the most unexpected places. - Relationship Irony – Guiding Light:
- James John, a wise trucker, becomes a
guiding light for Noah. The man who once received guidance from the
backpack’s previous caretaker now pays it forward, creating a cycle of
spiritual assistance that spans generations.
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- Beth’s mother loves her, but Beth will
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is how quickly and well-structured the returns for this lesson were from AI. I’m finding that AI and I are on the same page and I’m really looking forward to writing this BW series.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Watch the pilot episode of “The Queen’s Gambit” again.
Big Picture Open Loops
- Will the janitor turn out to be a
good or bad guy? - Will Beth be harmed by her drug
overdose? - Will Jolene turn out to be a friend or
foe or both? - Will the orphanage persecute Beth or
treat her kindly? - How will Beth visualize chess when
she doesn’t have access to a board? - Will Beth’s real mother and father
play a part in the series? - Will Beth achieve some big goal with
her chess playing? - How will her mother’s suicide affect
Beth in the future?
ASSIGNMENT 2:
TITLE OF MY SHOW: The Backpack
FORMAT: One-hour serialized
GENRE: Christian Thriller
Goals:
- New Goals:
- Noah sets a personal goal to find the
original owner of the backpack and return it. - Catherine discovers a mysterious
connection between her family tree and the supernatural events linked to
the backpack. - Goals Related to the Big Picture:
- James John reveals that the backpack’s
contents have the power to influence global events, prompting Noah to
grapple with the responsibility of this newfound power. - Crushed Goals:
- Keith Kane’s relentless pursuit of
justice against Noah leads to a tragic event, crushing Noah’s hope for a
peaceful resolution. - Competition/Conflict Around Goals:
- Another group, aware of the backpack’s
power, competes with Noah’s mission, introducing a rival force that
complicates the journey.
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Consequences:
- Are They Going to be Caught?:
- Keith Kane gets dangerously close to
uncovering Noah’s location, putting Noah’s safety and mission at risk. - Problems Created from Past Actions:
- Mary Adams discovers a dark secret from
her family’s past that directly connects to the supernatural events
surrounding the backpack. - Good Plans Gone Wrong:
- A seemingly foolproof plan to confront
Keith backfires, leading to unintended consequences that put everyone in
jeopardy.
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Solving Problems:
- Major Problem for This Character:
- Noah discovers a hidden prophecy related
to the backpack, foretelling a catastrophic event he must prevent. - What Are They Trying to Solve?:
- The characters realize that the demon
possessing Keith is a major threat, and they must find a way to exorcise
it without harming Keith. - Major Change Imposed on Character:
- Catherine faces a moral dilemma when she
learns the true purpose of the backpack, forcing her to reevaluate her
beliefs and allegiances. - Previous Solutions Cause New Problems:
- Noah’s attempt to confront his PTSD
using the backpack’s power inadvertently awakens a dormant supernatural
force that poses a new danger.
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Relationships:
- Relationships in Peril:
- Noah and Catherine’s growing connection
is threatened when the supernatural forces interfere, testing the
strength of their bond. - New Relationships Forming:
- Mary develops an unexpected alliance
with Gino as they both seek the truth about the war crimes accusations
against Noah. - Conflict Inside Relationships:
- Father Zeke’s resentment towards Noah
causes a rift, but Noah discovers a way to redeem the chaplain and
reconcile their relationship. - Relationships Changing:
- James John reveals a secret about his
past that changes the dynamics of his relationship with Noah, adding a
new layer of complexity.
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Danger/Survival/Risks:
- Can They Survive X?:
- The characters face a supernatural
entity that poses a threat not just to their lives but to their souls. - Putting Themselves in Danger/Making Dangerous Decisions:
- Noah makes a risky deal with a
mysterious figure to gain information about the backpack’s origins,
endangering himself and those around him. - Who Else is Pulled into Their Danger?:
- Keith’s family becomes unwittingly
entangled in the supernatural conflict, putting them at risk and
complicating the moral dilemma faced by the protagonists. - Internal Dangers:
- Gino’s struggle with depression
resurfaces, threatening to compromise the critical information he
provides to Noah.
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These open loops and setups should add layers of intrigue, suspense, and emotion to your Christian thriller series.
- Will the janitor turn out to be a
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is AI can help reinforce what I feel are my two main mysteries. The AI returns are very close to what I intuitively wrote in my “first draft” of this lesson. But AI opened several new avenues of thought and helped me to widen the emotional horizons of both the characters and the main story. Still getting a handle on all this but very excited to see what next comes down the road.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Watch the 7<sup>th</sup> episode of “The Queen’s Gambit”. I watched the last episode of this mini-series for Lesson #7. The mysteries I noticed in TQB are:
- What will Beth do now that she is the
world’s champion chess player? - Will Beth have a relationship with
Townes, Benny or other players? - What will Beth do to support herself
in the future? - Why was Beth’s mother driven to
suicide? - Will Beth go crazy like her mother
did? - Who and where is Beth’s father and
would he welcome her back into his life? - Would Beth welcome her real father
into her life? - What will the relationship of Beth
and Joleen be in the future, if any?
ASSIGNMENT 2:
TITLE OF MY SHOW: The Backpack
FORMAT: One-hour serialized
GENRE: Christian Thriller
MYSTERY 1: THE MASSACRE OF AFGHANI CIVILIANS
1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.
A. Shocking Event: An Army Humvee on patrol in Afghanistan comes under attack from a house. An Army sergeant, NOAH ADAMS, returns fire but the Humvee rolls over an IED, and the bullets hit a different house where an innocent Afghan family is slaughtered. Noah is the lone survivor.
B. Secret: Now back in the States, why is Noah on the run with a battered backpack and who is he running from?
C. Investigation: The audience has been set up to search for WHY Noah was chosen to receive the backpack, WHO created it and WHY.
WHO: Noah Adams is ex-Army, homeless and on run.
WHAT: is charged with war crimes and dereliction of duty.
WHERE: escaped from custody while being transported to Leavenworth.
WHEN: a year ago
Part Withheld:
WHO is truly responsible for the massacre of Afghani civilians? One of Satan’s demons was responsible for setting up the massacre.
WHY did they do it? In the hope that Noah would die and not be able to fulfill the mission God has planned for him with The Backpack.
HOW did they do it? A magnetic IED was attached under the Humvee to kill Noah.
MYSTERY TWO: THE BACKPACK
When Noah finds the backpack, he tries everything to rid himself of it.
A. Cover up: Noah keeps meeting people who have a spiritual need for an item in the backpack.
B. Secret: Noah is on a quest for the rightful owner of the backpack but keeps getting told that he is meant to have it.
C. Reveals: It starts with the Humvee driver and Noah’s best friend, Corporal Simon Kane, who was possessed by one of Satan’s demons. It continues with Keith Kane, Simon’s twin brother, who is also possessed, has become a rogue Army CID officer who swears to bring Noah to justice, but in reality, wants to possess the backpack for Satan.
WHO: The backpack was created by God…or was it?
WHAT: It is the thing that keeps Noah on a quest to find himself and help others.
WHERE: Noah and the backpack are always where they need to be.
WHEN: and when they need to be there.
WHY: To spread the gospel and love of Jesus Christ.
Part Withheld:
WHEN: The backpack was created millennia ago.
WHY: To give a man a chance to redeem himself. Noah eventually realizes his tortured path to salvation has been engineered by God, to demonstrate that he, and everyone else, has free will to choose their path in life.
HOW: The backpack is a metaphor like the loaves and fishes, the unlimitable bounty of God’s love. No matter how many items are removed from the backpack, there will always be one item inside that will provide someone with what they need to change their life.
- What will Beth do now that she is the
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Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Show Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is that AI is helping me to establish deeper conflict for each of my characters than I was able to do on my own. It also works much faster than I do. 😊
ASSIGNMENT 2:
TITLE OF MY SHOW: The Backpack
FORMAT: One-hour serialized
GENRE: Christian Thriller
NOAH ADAMS
Distress: A. Undeserved misfortune: Falsely accused of a massacre, Noah faces constant public scorn, alienation, and even threats. B. External Character conflicts: The relentless pursuit by Keith Kane puts Noah in perpetual danger and leaves him in a constant state of anxiety. C. Plot intruding on life: Supernatural events from the backpack disrupt Noah’s attempts to rebuild his life, creating chaos and threatening his newfound faith. D. Moral dilemmas: Noah grapples with the moral implications of the supernatural powers within the backpack, questioning if he’s meant to use them and how. E. Forced decisions they’d never make: The supernatural forces in the backpack compel Noah to make choices that go against his pacifist nature, causing inner turmoil.
Empathy: A. Put them in distress: Showcase Noah’s vulnerability, fears, and the emotional toll of being wrongly accused to evoke empathy. B. Make them relatable: Highlight Noah’s struggles with faith, homelessness, and the desire for redemption to make him relatable to a wide audience. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Explore themes of betrayal, loss, and the search for identity to connect Noah’s journey with universal human experiences.
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KEITH KANE
Distress: A. Undeserved misfortune: Kane discovers his actions are manipulated by dark forces, leading to internal conflict and a crisis of identity. B. External Character conflicts: His obsession with bringing Noah to justice strains relationships with colleagues and superiors, adding to his isolation. C. Plot intruding on life: Supernatural elements affect Kane indirectly, testing his skepticism and plunging him into a spiritual crisis. D. Moral dilemmas: Kane faces ethical choices as he questions the righteousness of his pursuit and the true source of his motivations. E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Dark forces push Kane to take extreme measures, forcing him to confront the consequences of his actions.
Empathy: A. Put them in distress: Reveal the internal struggle Kane faces, torn between duty and doubt, to evoke empathy for a character wrestling with his own morality. B. Make them relatable: Explore Kane’s grief over his brother’s death and the vulnerability beneath his tough exterior to humanize him. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Depict Kane’s internal conflict as a universal struggle with faith, justice, and the consequences of one’s actions.
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JAMES JOHN
Distress: A. Undeserved misfortune: James grapples with the guilt of past mistakes, haunted by the memory of those he couldn’t save. B. External Character conflicts: The supernatural elements challenge James’s understanding of the world, creating internal conflict and self-doubt. C. Plot intruding on life: James becomes a reluctant guide, risking his safety to help Noah, disrupting his peaceful trucker’s life. D. Moral dilemmas: James faces decisions that test his principles and force him to confront his own spiritual journey. E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Supernatural forces push James into situations that challenge his laid-back demeanor, forcing him to act against his nature.
Empathy: A. Put them in distress: Explore James’s regrets and the weight of past choices, allowing the audience to empathize with his internal struggles. B. Make them relatable: Highlight James’s redemption story, showcasing his journey from a troubled past to a wise mentor. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Tap into themes of forgiveness, second chances, and the quest for spiritual meaning to connect James’s story with universal emotions.
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CATHERINE SCHRADER
Distress: A. Undeserved misfortune: Catherine faces discrimination and scrutiny due to her unconventional obsession with her family tree. B. External Character conflicts: Her secretive nature creates tension with colleagues, risking her professional standing as a teacher. C. Plot intruding on life: Supernatural elements in Noah’s life draw Catherine into a world she never imagined, disrupting her routine. D. Moral dilemmas: Catherine confronts moral choices related to her obsession and the implications of her emotional connection to Noah. E. Forced decisions they’d never make: The supernatural events force Catherine to challenge her rational beliefs and make choices that go against her cautious nature.
Empathy: A. Put them in distress: Reveal Catherine’s vulnerabilities, anxieties, and the loneliness she feels due to her unconventional interests. B. Make them relatable: Showcase Catherine’s search for identity and connection, making her relatable to anyone who has felt like an outsider. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Explore themes of love, loyalty, and the unconventional paths people take to find meaning, creating empathy for Catherine’s unique journey.
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GINO MORELLI
Distress: A. Undeserved misfortune: Gino’s struggles with mental health and the weight of his past mistakes contribute to his suicidal thoughts. B. External Character conflicts: Gino’s volatile nature strains his relationships, making it difficult for him to connect with those around him. C. Plot intruding on life: Supernatural occurrences force Gino to confront his own demons, disrupting his downward spiral. D. Moral dilemmas: Gino grapples with the consequences of his actions, questioning if he can redeem himself. E. Forced decisions they’d never make: The supernatural forces challenge Gino to make choices that go against his self-destructive tendencies.
Empathy: A. Put them in distress: Highlight Gino’s internal battles, portraying the depth of his emotional struggles and the impact on his well-being. B. Make them relatable: Explore Gino’s good-hearted nature beneath the tough exterior, showing the potential for redemption. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Connect Gino’s story to themes of forgiveness, self-discovery, and the transformative power of human connection.
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MARY ADAMS
Distress: A. Undeserved misfortune: Mary grapples with the guilt of abandoning Noah and faces the societal judgment of being a divorced woman. B. External Character conflicts: Mary’s loyalty to her family clashes with her love for Noah, putting her in an emotionally charged dilemma. C. Plot intruding on life: Supernatural events force Mary to question her beliefs and confront the consequences of her choices. D. Moral dilemmas: Mary faces moral choices related to family loyalty, love, and the desire for personal happiness. E. Forced decisions they’d never make: The supernatural forces compel Mary to make decisions that challenge her carefully constructed life.
Empathy: A. Put them in distress: Explore Mary’s inner turmoil, guilt, and the emotional weight of societal expectations. B. Make them relatable: Showcase Mary’s struggle to balance personal happiness, family loyalty, and societal expectations. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Connect Mary’s story to themes of love, sacrifice, and the complexity of familial relationships to evoke empathy.
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FATHER ZEKE
Distress: A. Undeserved misfortune: Father Zeke’s bitterness stems from past traumas, including a crisis of faith and a sense of abandonment. B. External Character conflicts: The supernatural elements challenge Father Zeke’s beliefs, creating internal conflict and spiritual crisis. C. Plot intruding on life: Father Zeke’s role as a chaplain becomes more complicated as he unknowingly influences Noah’s spiritual journey. D. Moral dilemmas: Father Zeke faces moral choices related to his past and his role in guiding Noah, testing his resolve. E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Supernatural events push Father Zeke to confront his own demons and make choices that go against his pessimistic nature.
Empathy: A. Put them in distress: Explore Father Zeke’s inner struggles, doubts, and the weight of past traumas to evoke empathy for his journey. B. Make them relatable: Showcase Father Zeke’s redemption story, emphasizing the universal theme of finding hope and purpose in challenging times. C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Connect Father Zeke’s story to themes of faith, forgiveness, and the transformative power of spiritual renewal to create empathy.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Show Relationship Map
What I learned doing this assignment is AI can offer some good ideas about how my main characters are related on many different levels. Episode six of The Queen’s Gambit did a great job of showing Beth’s tailspin into drugs and booze AND that it was HER decision to do so. Cleo shares responsibility, but we weren’t shown, or haven’t been shown yet, if her motives were anything more than simply hedonistic. Great writing.
I also learned that the AI prompt needs some updating. I found some ways to make AI give better looking table returns, but there isn’t a way to paste the tables into the forums. I’ve pasted a non-table AI return for my Assignment 2 to see what it looks like in the forums. Looking forward to learning if it’s possible to paste tables in Hal’s next meeting on Saturday.
Here’s a table showing the relationship between Noah Adams, the main character, and the other characters in the context of the one-hour serialized TV show with a faith-based sci-fi genre and the concept you provided:
</p><p>Character Relationships for NOAH ADAMS</p><p>Categories | Character 2 (KEITH KANE) | Character 3 (James John) | Character 4 (Mary Adams)</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Common Ground | Army background, | Faith and spirituality, | Past connection through</p><p> | shared military history, | willingness to help, | marriage, unresolved</p><p> | quest for justice. | support for Noah. | feelings of love.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Relationship Conflict | Pursuit by Keith for | Initial distrust, | Conflicted emotions,</p><p> | justice, Keith's | skepticism about | loyalty to her family,</p><p> | manipulation by evil, | supernatural | guilt for divorce.</p><p> | Keith's disregard for | properties, different |</p><p> | Noah's innocence. | worldviews. |</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Relationship History | Past military connection,| Strangers turned | Formerly married,</p><p> | Keith's belief in Noah's| friends, James' | separation, shared</p><p> | guilt, shared trauma of | willingness to help | history, emotional</p><p> | the supposed massacre. | Noah. | baggage, unresolved</p><p> | | | issues from the divorce.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Relationship Subtext | Keith's inner conflict, | James' role as a | Mary's hidden</p><p> | spiritual elements in | guardian or mentor, | feelings for Noah,</p><p> | the story, potential | potential spiritual | Mary's loyalty to her</p><p> | redemption for Keith. | guidance for Noah. | family's wishes.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Relationship Arc | Keith's pursuit of Noah | Development of trust | Reconciliation and</p><p> | and potential redemption,| and faith in the | resolution of past</p><p> | shifting from adversary | supernatural aspects of | issues, rebuilding of</p><p> | to ally or understanding.| the backpack's power. | trust and relationship.</p><p>This table outlines the various aspects of the relationships between Noah Adams and the other characters in the serial TV series. These categories provide insight into their connections, conflicts, history, subtext, and potential character arcs throughout the show.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Character Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is I had to tweak the prompt multiple times to give me all the information that I required. Once that was done, I’m finding some nice info I can use to build out my DEEP characters.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Watch the 4<sup>th</sup> episode of “The Queen’s Gambit”.
BETH:
A. Situational: Hope: To be world champion / Fear: Am I good enough? I’ll lose something of myself if I learn about others.
B. Motivation: Want: to be accepted and loved / to use drugs and alcohols Need: To destroy the best chess players/to find peace. To grow up fast/to retain who I was as a child.
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: I need someone to rescue me / Public Mask: She’s so good she doesn’t need anyone’s help or to read about other masters.
D. Weaknesses: Ego. Lack of knowledge. Believes she must use drugs and alcohol to succeed. Detached emotionally from Belkin. Focused only on herself and her wants. Discomfort when presented with a chance to have an emotional connection to Belkin. All that matters to Beth in life is chess. Her mind is fat, too fast for Belkin – and for herself, also, sometimes. She is unable to enjoy her journey, focused more on her destination. She is obsessed with chess above everything else in life – and life may be passing her by.
E. Triggers: When she gets forced into a corner, she crabs or runs.
F. Coping Mechanism: Play down the situation. Drugs and Alcohol. Starts smoking like her mom.BELKIN:
A. Situational: Hope: To help Beth achieve greatness / Fear: Am I good enough? How can I ever get close to Beth? I need to have a life that isn’t all about just chess.
B. Motivation: Want: To be as good as Beth / Need: To help Beth. To maybe get laid. To have a life/to find peace and be happy.
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Worthlessness / Public Mask: I’m a master but I’m insecure.
D. Weaknesses: Insecurity, inexperienced in the world.E. Triggers: When faced with a challenge he caves.
F. Coping Mechanism: Smile with his new teeth. Pass off or avoid confrontation and keep moving forward, if possible.BENNY WATTS:
A. Situational: Hope: To be respected / Fear: Being a nobody, getting beaten by Beth.
B. Motivation: Want: to be Mr. Cool / Need: To prove a point/to be a somebody. To beat Beth by any means possible, including using psychological and/or emotional subterfuge – and speed chess.
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Insecurity / Public Mask: Act like the best there is. But I’m a fake.
D. Weaknesses: Ego. Must rely on hiding behind his hat and long leather coat to feel good about himself.
E. Triggers: when he feels he can beat someone.
F. Coping Mechanism: Being cool.ASSIGNMENT 2:
Here are the internal struggles for each of the main characters in the Faith-based Sci-Fi TV series with the given concept:
NOAH ADAMS:
A. Situational: Hope – Noah struggles to find hope in his dire situation and believes that the battered backpack might be his only chance for a better life.
B. Situational: Fear – He fears the unknown supernatural properties of the backpack and the consequences of using them.
C. Motivation: Want – Noah wants to clear his name and find redemption for the accusations against him.
D. Motivation: Need – He needs to reconcile his faith and past actions, seeking forgiveness and a fresh start.
E. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – He tries to hide his guilt and trauma from his past experiences as a soldier.
F. Mask: Public Mask – Noah presents a strong, composed front to others, concealing his vulnerability as a homeless vet.
G. Weaknesses – His physical and emotional wounds from the past continue to haunt him, making it challenging to move forward.
H. Triggers – Certain situations or people trigger his traumatic memories from the alleged massacre.
I. Coping Mechanism – Noah relies on his newfound faith and the supernatural properties of the backpack to cope with the challenges he faces.
KEITH KANE:
A. Situational: Hope – Keith hopes to bring justice for his brother’s death and believes that capturing Noah will provide closure.
B. Situational: Fear – He fears that Noah may be innocent, and finding out the truth could shatter his convictions.
C. Motivation: Want – He wants to avenge his brother’s death and serve his country by bringing Noah to justice.
D. Motivation: Need – He needs to confront the possibility that his actions are being manipulated by dark forces.
E. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Keith suppresses his grief over his brother’s death and his doubts about his mission.
F. Mask: Public Mask – He maintains a tough and unyielding exterior as an Army CID agent.
G. Weaknesses – His inner turmoil over his brother’s death and the guilt he feels for not protecting him.
H. Triggers – Meeting Noah and learning about the supernatural properties of the backpack may trigger doubts about his mission.
I. Coping Mechanism – Keith channels his anger and grief into his relentless pursuit of Noah, trying to find closure.
JAMES JOHN:
A. Situational: Hope – James finds hope in helping Noah and believes in the backpack’s potential to make a difference in their lives.
B. Situational: Fear – He fears for Noah’s safety and the consequences of getting involved in supernatural events.
C. Motivation: Want – James wants to do the right thing by assisting Noah and guiding him on his journey.
D. Motivation: Need – He needs to find purpose and meaning in his own life, which he discovers through helping Noah.
E. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – James may have his own hidden fears and insecurities, which he conceals from others.
F. Mask: Public Mask – He presents himself as a wise and confident trucker, masking his own internal struggles.
G. Weaknesses – James might struggle with regrets from his past and worries about his future.
H. Triggers – Witnessing the supernatural events related to the backpack may trigger his own fears and doubts.
I. Coping Mechanism – He finds solace in helping others, using it as a way to cope with his own internal struggles.
CATHERINE “CAT” SCHRADER:
A. Situational: Hope – Cat hopes that Noah can find a spiritual path to redemption and wants to see him healed.
B. Situational: Fear – She fears that the supernatural properties of the backpack may have unintended consequences.
C. Motivation: Want – Cat wants to protect and guide Noah, acting as a motherly figure in his life.
D. Motivation: Need – She needs to confront her own family secrets and past, which she has kept hidden for years.
E. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Cat conceals her own doubts and insecurities about her family’s history.
F. Mask: Public Mask – She presents herself as a strong and nurturing mentor, hiding her vulnerability.
G. Weaknesses – Her unresolved family issues and emotional baggage affect her ability to fully support Noah.
H. Triggers – The supernatural events surrounding the backpack may unearth her own family’s hidden history.
I. Coping Mechanism – Cat uses her role as a mentor to cope with her own emotional struggles and seeks redemption through helping Noah.
GINO MORELLI:
A. Situational: Hope – Gino finds hope in his interactions with Noah and the potential for a positive change in his life.
B. Situational: Fear – He fears that his suicidal tendencies may resurface and that he might become a burden to others.
C. Motivation: Want – Gino wants to be a better person and believes that helping Noah can be a step in that direction.
D. Motivation: Need – He needs to address his own mental health issues and find a reason to live.
E. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – Gino hides his inner pain and self-blame for his life’s problems.
F. Mask: Public Mask – He portrays himself as a tough cop with a good heart, masking his internal struggles.
G. Weaknesses – His inner demons and struggles with depression continue to challenge him.
H. Triggers – Witnessing the supernatural properties of the backpack may trigger his own mental health issues.
I. Coping Mechanism – Gino uses his desire to help others as a way to cope with his own emotional battles.
MARY ADAMS:
A. Situational: Hope – Mary hopes to find a way to reconcile her loyalty to her family with her love for Noah.
B. Situational: Fear – She fears that her family will disapprove of her connection with Noah, and that she may lose her father’s support.
C. Motivation: Want – She wants to reconnect with Noah and make amends for abandoning him when he needed her most.
D. Motivation: Need – Mary needs to confront her own guilt and seek forgiveness for her past actions.
E. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – She hides her inner turmoil and guilt about her divorce from Noah.
F. Mask: Public Mask – Mary presents herself as a dutiful daughter, concealing her unresolved feelings for Noah.
G. Weaknesses – Her family’s influence and her own guilt affect her ability to fully support Noah.
H. Triggers – Reuniting with Noah and witnessing the supernatural events tied to the backpack may trigger her unresolved emotions.
I. Coping Mechanism – Mary uses her desire to reconnect with Noah as a way to cope with her own internal struggles.
FATHER ZEKE:
A. Situational: Hope – Father Zeke hopes to find renewed faith and purpose in his role as a homeless shelter chaplain.
B. Situational: Fear – He fears that he may never regain his faith and that he’s failing the people he’s supposed to help.
C. Motivation: Want – He wants to guide and inspire those he serves, even though he is struggling with his own beliefs.
D. Motivation: Need – Father Zeke needs to confront his own bitterness and disillusionment to find spiritual fulfillment.
E. Mask: Base Negative Emotion – He hides his own inner turmoil and skepticism.
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Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Intriguing Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is how quickly I can use AI to help come up with ideas to help me round out my characters. Much of what I get isn’t usable either because it’s too general in nature or mush, but some of it is very close to what I feel I need.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Watch the 4<sup>th</sup> episode of “The Queen’s Gambit”. Where have I seen intrigue?
Will Beth have sex for the first
time?
What will Beth do with the boy from
her Russian class?
What will happen in Cinncinnati?
What will happen when Beth and
Mrs. Wheatley when they go to Mexico City?
Will Beth’s mom screw up Beth’s
chances in the Mexico City tournament?
Will Beth drink too much she’ll screw
up own chances at the tournament?
Will Beth be able to control her
need for drugs and alcohol?
Will she come up with a unique
play to beat the Russian kid the next morning? Will the unique move be enough
to beat the kid?
Or is she just playing with him?
She has learned to use annoying
intimidation to upset him but is she still on course to win?
She does. And then asks him what
he’ll do for the rest of his life after he wins the world championship…
she’s become a role model and/or teacher, mentor.
Will Mrs. Wheatley screw up Beth’s
game by taking too much time to get ready or not showing up at the match
with Borgov?
Beth’s mom dies!
Will Mr. Wheatley come back into
Beth’s life?
Will her mother’s death mess up
her next game with Borgov or whomever she plays?ASSIGNMENT 2:
TITLE OF MY SHOW: The Backpack
GENRE: Faith-based Sci-Fi
JOURNEY OF THE SHOW: When a terminally ill homeless vet finds a battered backpack, his life, and the lives of people in crisis whom he meets, are transformed by its supernatural properties.
PROMPT: October 29, 2023
For each of the [main characters] for this [genre] about this [concept], please brainstorm the [Intriguing Layers] of that character that have the fit this TV series well.
Intriguing Layers =
Character Name:
Role:
Hidden agendas:
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets:
Deception:
Wound:
Secret Identity:
Genre = Faith-Based Sci-Fi
Concept = When a terminally ill homeless veteran finds a battered backpack, his life, and the lives of people in crisis whom he meets, are transformed by its supernatural properties.
Main characters =
NOAH ADAMS, Homeless Army vet
and born-again Christian falsely accused of slaughtering Afghani civilians
which resulted in the death of every soldier in his platoon. Noah finds a
battered backpack which he discovers has spiritual properties.
KEITH KANE, rogue Army CID
agent unaware that he’s being used by Satan. Keith’s twin brother was in Noah’s
platoon and killed when the supposed massacre of Afghani citizens occurred.
Keith wants to bring Noah to justice.
James John, 60, wise, black trucker who
appears to help Noah when he’s in trouble.
Catherine “Cat” Schrader, 62, Noah’s high
school psychology teacher and spiritual bellwether. Cat is obsessed and
secretive about her family tree and behaves like a Jewish mother with Noah.Gino Morelli, 45, suicidal cop who is
always on the edge, blames everyone around him for everything that goes
south in his life – but has a good heart and is Noah’s wing man.
Mary Adams, 29, Noah’s ex-wife who was
forced by her wealthy father to divorce him when he was arrested. Mary is
torn between family loyalty to her family, her undying love she feels for him,
and her guilt for abandoning him he needed her most.
Father Zeke (dislikes being called Ezekial
because he feels he’s not worthy) – bitter, disillusioned homeless shelter
chaplain who unknowingly motivates Noah to help himself and others._____________________________________________
For each of the [main characters] for this [genre] about this [concept], please brainstorm the [Intriguing Layers] of that character that have the fit this TV series well.
Intriguing Layers =
Character Name:
Role:
Hidden agendas:
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets:
Deception:
Wound:
Secret Identity:
Genre = Faith-Based Sci-Fi
Concept = When a terminally ill homeless veteran finds a battered backpack, his life, and the lives of people in crisis whom he meets, are transformed by its supernatural properties.
Main characters =
1. NOAH ADAMS, Homeless Army vet and born-again Christian falsely accused of slaughtering Afghani civilians which resulted in the death of every soldier in his platoon. Noah finds a battered backpack which he discovers has spiritual properties.
2. KEITH KANE, rogue Army CID agent unaware that he’s being used by Satan. Keith’s twin brother was in Noah’s platoon and killed when the supposed massacre of Afghani citizens occurred. Keith wants to bring Noah to justice.
3. James John, 60, wise, black trucker who appears to help Noah when he’s in trouble.
4. Catherine “Cat” Schrader, 62, Noah’s high school psychology teacher and spiritual bellwether. Cat is obsessed and secretive about her family tree and behaves like a Jewish mother with Noah.
5. Gino Morelli, 45, suicidal cop who is always on the edge, blames everyone around him for everything that goes south in his life – but has a good heart and is Noah’s wing man.
6. Mary Adams, 29, Noah’s ex-wife who was forced by her wealthy father to divorce him when he was arrested. Mary is torn between family loyalty to her family, her undying love she feels for him, and her guilt for abandoning him he needed her most.
7. Father Zeke (dislikes being called Ezekial because he feels he’s not worthy) – bitter, disillusioned homeless shelter chaplain who unknowingly motivates Noah to help himself and others.
ChatGPT
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Intriguing Layers for the Main Characters in the Faith-Based Sci-Fi TV Series:
NOAH ADAMS
Role: Homeless Army vet and born-again Christian who finds a supernatural backpack.
Hidden Agendas: Secretly searching for redemption and a chance to clear his name after the false accusations in Afghanistan.
Competition: Constantly struggling against the demons of his past and his own doubts about his faith.
Conspiracies: Believes there is a divine purpose behind the backpack and is determined to uncover the truth behind its supernatural properties.
Secrets: Carries a deep, hidden pain related to the loss of his platoon and the weight of his wrongful accusations.
Deception: Pretends to be a regular homeless man to protect the backpack’s secrets from falling into the wrong hands.
Wound: The emotional trauma of being blamed for a massacre he didn’t commit and the subsequent loss of his fellow soldiers.
Secret Identity: Noah may uncover hidden abilities or responsibilities related to the backpack that he must reconcile with his newfound faith.
KEITH KANE
Role: Rogue Army CID agent hunting Noah, unaware that he’s being manipulated.
Hidden Agendas: Driven by a desire to avenge his twin brother’s death and bring Noah to justice.
Competition: Unknowingly competing with supernatural forces that may be using him as a pawn.
Conspiracies: Begins to suspect that there are dark forces at play, manipulating his pursuit of Noah.
Secrets: May have a conflicted past or personal motivations that he hides from his superiors.
Deception: Unintentionally misled by malevolent influences, which could lead to moral dilemmas.
Wound: Carries the emotional trauma of his brother’s death and a sense of guilt for not being there to protect him.
Secret Identity: May discover hidden aspects of his own identity and heritage that connect him to the supernatural events surrounding Noah and the backpack.
James John
Role: Wise trucker who aids Noah when he’s in trouble.
Hidden Agendas: Has a mysterious past and may possess knowledge about the backpack’s origins.
Competition: Secretly guarding ancient knowledge related to the backpack, potentially sought after by others.
Conspiracies: Believed to be part of a secret group that protects supernatural artifacts.
Secrets: Holds ancient wisdom and could have a connection to otherworldly beings.
Deception: Pretends to be a simple trucker but may have a more profound role in the unfolding events.
Wound: Carries a personal loss or tragedy related to the supernatural world.
Secret Identity: Could be a guardian of supernatural relics with a deeper purpose.
Catherine “Cat” Schrader
Role: Noah’s high school psychology teacher and spiritual bellwether.
Hidden Agendas: Obsessed with her family tree and its connection to the supernatural.
Competition: Struggles to protect her family’s mystical heritage from those who seek to exploit it.
Conspiracies: Believes in the existence of a secret society tied to the supernatural backpack.
Secrets: Possesses knowledge about the backpack’s history and its spiritual significance.
Deception: Conceals her true intentions and the extent of her involvement in the mysteries.
Wound: Haunted by a family curse or a past mistake related to the supernatural.
Secret Identity: A guardian of ancient knowledge who has been preparing for the emergence of the backpack.
Gino Morelli
Role: Suicidal cop with a good heart and Noah’s wingman.
Hidden Agendas: Seeking redemption for past failures and losses.
Competition: Battling his inner demons while trying to support Noah.
Conspiracies: May become convinced of a larger spiritual conflict and seeks to protect his friend.
Secrets: Has personal trauma that drives his self-destructive tendencies.
Deception: Masks his pain with a tough exterior but hides a sensitive, caring side.
Wound: Suffers from unresolved trauma from a past case or personal tragedy.
Secret Identity: Could have unexpected connections to the supernatural world through his past actions.
Mary Adams
Role: Noah’s ex-wife torn between family loyalty and undying love for him.
Hidden Agendas: Struggles with the conflict between her loyalty to her wealthy family and her love for Noah.
Competition: Faces pressure from her family to maintain their status and protect their reputation.
Conspiracies: May uncover family secrets tied to the supernatural backpack and its impact on their family.
Secrets: Hides her true feelings and guilt over abandoning Noah when he needed her most.
Deception: Pretends to be content with her wealthy lifestyle but longs for a deeper connection with Noah.
Wound: Carries guilt for not standing by Noah’s side during his darkest times.
Secret Identity: Could have a surprising connection to the supernatural events and the origins of the backpack.
Father Zeke
Role: Bitter, disillusioned homeless shelter chaplain who unknowingly motivates Noah.
Hidden Agendas: May have lost his faith and connection to the supernatural world but holds the key to Noah’s journey.
Competition: Unintentionally challenges Noah to rediscover his faith and purpose.
Conspiracies: Believes in a higher power but is disillusioned by the world’s darkness.
Secrets: Conceals the source of his bitterness and his own struggles with faith.
Deception: Masks his inner turmoil while helping others find their faith.
Wound: Carries a personal loss or tragedy that tested his faith.
Secret Identity: Could have a deeper connection to divine forces, despite his bitterness.
These intriguing layers for the main characters can add depth and complexity to the Faith-Based Sci-Fi TV series, making it engaging for viewers as they unravel the mysteries of the supernatural backpack and the characters’ personal journeys.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Engaging Main Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that AI and I aren’t fighting as much. I’m learning to be specific in my submissions and no, “Garbage in, Garbage out”. Many of the returns from AI are really close to what I anticipated. Some were totally unexpected, which in some cases was great. In others, not so. Looking forward to tweaking things…
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Watch the 3<sup>rd</sup> episode of “The Queen’s Gambit”.
BETH HARMON
A. Role in the show: Protagonist, wants to crush every chess player she meets.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Extremely talented, has a festering drug and alcohol problem, her past history may get in her way.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? Several minor secrets. Beth is older than everyone thinks she is, her genius mother committed suicide and Beth may be concerned she inherited a bad gene, she’s a closet drug addict, she’s afraid to lose.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Beth is willing to lie and steal to get what she wants.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Beth may learn to throw “total unpredictability” into her game.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Beth has had a hard life and we want her to succeed in a male-dominated world and game.
ASSIGNMENT 2:
TITLE OF MY SHOW: The Backpack
GENRE: Faith-based Sci-Fi
JOURNEY OF THE SHOW: When a terminally ill homeless vet finds a battered backpack, his life, and the lives of the people in crisis he meets, are transformed by its supernatural properties.
Who are the main characters that will sell your show?
NOAH ADAMS, bitter Army vet on the run from false accusations of a leading civilian massacre while on duty in Afghanistan.
KEITH KANE, unaware he’s being used by Satan as a rogue Army CID agent. Keith’s brother was one of one of Noah’s supposed Afghani massacre victims. Keith vows to bring Noah to justice.
Answer these questions for each of those characters.
NOAH ADAMS:
A. Role in the show: Homeless Army vet falsely accused of slaughtering Afghani civilians which resulted in the death of every soldier in his platoon. Noah finds a battered backpack which he discovers has spiritual properties.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Noah has expert survival skills, turned his back on God and thinks that nothing and no one could persuade him to change his mind. Of course, he’s wrong.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? The backpack possesses items, revealed in layers, that have powerful effects shared by Noah and one or more characters in each episode.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Will Laredo catch Noah? How will Noah escape the trap he’s in? What will he have to change about himself in order to continue to survive.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Noah is hunted and on the run from false charges. He has a good heart but some things he does make things worse, and we know he wants to do better. Noah is the underdog in a classic battle of good versus evil.
KEITH KANE:
A. Role in the show: Possessed Army CID agent who hounds Noah.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Shares Noah’s survival skills, has access to countless governmental deep state surveillance equipment and data.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? He knows that Noah may not be guilty for the Afghani massacre but is blinded by hate and refuses to believe it.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Keith will do whatever it takes to bring Noah to justice, including lie, cheat, steal and be responsible for a death or two…
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Keith isn’t always in control of his actions – or his thoughts and emotions. Satan is driving him and it’s driving him crazy.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? He’s basically a good guy being used for evil by Satan.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
FIRST AI PASS:
Character Basics for the main characters in the Faith-Based Sci-fi TV series about a terminally ill homeless vet who discovers a supernatural backpack with transformative properties:
NOAH ADAMS
A. Role in the show: Protagonist, the terminally ill homeless vet who discovers the supernatural backpack.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Noah has a deep connection to the supernatural properties of the backpack, which he uses to help people in crisis.
C. Intrigue: Noah carries a dark secret from his past – the truth behind the accusations of the massacre in Afghanistan and the spiritual significance of the backpack.
D. Moral Issue: Noah is faced with moral dilemmas about how to use the backpack’s powers, including issues related to justice, forgiveness, and redemption.
E. Unpredictable: Noah’s actions are unpredictable, as he grapples with the responsibility and consequences of the backpack’s powers.
F. Empathetic: Viewers care about Noah because he’s a compassionate and sympathetic character who’s seeking redemption for his past actions and trying to make the world a better place.
KEITH KANE
A. Role in the show: Antagonist and Army CID agent who wants to bring Noah to justice for the supposed massacre in Afghanistan.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Keith is a skilled investigator and is motivated by a deep sense of justice, although he’s unaware that he’s being manipulated.
C. Intrigue: Keith’s pursuit of Noah raises questions about his true motivations and who might be influencing him.
D. Moral Issue: Keith grapples with the moral boundaries of pursuing justice at any cost, especially when he begins to uncover the supernatural elements of the backpack.
E. Unpredictable: Keith’s actions become increasingly unpredictable as he uncovers the supernatural truth behind the backpack and must decide how to proceed.
F. Empathetic: Despite his role as an antagonist, viewers may empathize with Keith’s pursuit of justice and his internal struggle as he discovers the supernatural elements at play.
These character basics help create complex, multi-dimensional characters in the Faith-Based Sci-fi TV series, adding depth and intrigue to the storyline.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Three Circles of Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that I have a lot to learn about how to incorporate
AI into my writing process. AI is a powerful tool, which is great. But I find
that I still need to take time to make decisions after I review all the information
that each AI prompt provides. I don’t want AI to write my script, and I know
that that is not the goal of this class. I want to write my script with AI’s
help, while at the same time not going for “perfection”. Hopefully, AI and I
will come to an understanding about how to work with each other. 😊ASSIGNMENT 1:
Main Characters Circle: (in pilot)
Beth
Jolene
Mr. Shaibel
Miss Helen DeardorffMain Characters Circle: (in E2)
Beth
Mr. and Mrs. Wheatley
Chess player boyfriend-to-be (Townes)
Beltkin, the chess champ that Beth
beatsConnected Circle: (in E2)
Mr. Fergusson
Beth’s mother
Combative school girlsEnvironment Circle: (in E2)
Players in Beth’s first chess
match
Pharmacist
Various people at the orphanage who
see Beth exit their lives.ASSIGNMENT 2:
Main Characters Circle:
Noah Adams, 35, terminally ill homeless
Army vet and born-again Christian who finds a mysterious backpack. Noah is
on the run because he was falsely accused of being responsible for the total
massacre of an Army patrol he led in Afghanistan.
Keith Laredo, 30, rogue F.B.I. agent
and (twin) brother of Daniel, one of the massacre victims who is given
free reign by his Satan-worshipping F.B.I. superior to track down and
arrest Noah. Laredo has a chip implanted in his hand. Laredo may not know
that he is a pawn of Satan.
James John, 60, wise black trucker
who shows up to help Noah when he’s in trouble.
Catherine “Cat” Schrader, 62, high
school psychology teacher and Noah’s spiritual bellwether. Cat is obsessed
and secretive about her family tree and acts like a Jewish mother toward
Noah.
Gino Morelli, 45, suicidal cop
who is always on the edge, blames everyone around him for everything that
goes south in his life – but has a good heart and is Noah’s wing man.
Mary Adams, 29, Noah’s ex-wife who
struggles to raise their daughter Babs, 8, who has cerebral palsy. Noah
and Mary Ann desperately would like to work things out, but something or
someone always gets in the way.
Father Zeke (dislikes being called
Ezekial because he’s not good enough) – bitter, disillusioned homeless
shelter chaplain who intuitively yet unknowingly always motivates Noah to
help himself and others.Connected Circle:
Laredo’s boss who has her own selfish
reasons to allow him free reign to chase Noah.
Men always dressed in black who
attempt to monitor Noah’s whereabouts. They all have chips embedded in
their hand.
The execs of James’s trucking company
want to keep him and Keith apart for some reason.
Cat’s high school principal and school
board.Environment Circle:
Homeless people in every city
that Noah visits.
Other truckers.-
This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by Jeff Chase.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by
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The Queen’s Gambit 5-star model
What I learned doing this assignment is that The Queen’s Gambit contains every of the big hooks listed below and we’re given just enough information to make us want to know more.
1. Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?
A timid, nine-year-old, orphan-turned-chess-prodigy battles her own demons and the male-dominated sport for success and recognition.
2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?
Beth comes from a place of deep emotional and physical hardship. We’re rooting for her. She’s a timid orphan with a deep need to succeed. The kindly janitor helps her discover chess. The orphanage she lives in gets her addicted to forced use of tranquilizers. Good opening set up and open loops created for Beth’s mother and father.
3. Empathy / Distress
Ask this: What situations cause us to feel both empathy and distress for these characters?
She’s on her own. We root for her. She steals drugs at the end, taking way more than she needs, we’re rooting for her to live and pursue what will become her dream.
4. Layers / Open Loops
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?
– Where is her father?
– Will she run off with one of the young boys seen outside the orphanage gates?
– Will she OD on drugs?
– Will she succeed at chess with her phenomenal talent?
5. Inviting Obsession
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?
We are intrigued by actions taken by Beth and want to see what will happen next to her.
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1. My name is Jeffrey Alan Chase.
2. I’ve written over 20 features and a BW one-hour Crime Drama pilot/Bible/Pitch Deck.
3. Another Recommended script. I’ve come out of each of the last 6 SU courses I’ve taken with a script that received a Recommend. Hoping for #7.
4. I’m a Nashville songwriter and SAG actor. I’m currently looking for a manager to help direct my screenwriting career.
5. I’ve taken the Contained, Action, Mini Movie, BW, Thriller, Pro 63, Master, horror and WIM classes. Each has been immensely helpful and I’ve enjoyed them all.
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I, Jeffrey Alan Chase, agree to the terms of this release form.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s 4 Pitches – Draft 1
Elevator pitch: I just finished a thriller about a woman with amnesia who must battle her angry, six-year-old self and a devious hypnotist and to discover how her treasure hunter father died.
Phone pitch: Hi, my name is Jeffrey Alan Chase and I’m wondering if I could run a quick high concept by you.
It is a Mystery Thriller, and the title is Shards.
My High Concept: A young pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her father’s murder and her hypnotist’s ties to a Conquistador treasure.
The script begs the question: If you had no memory of your childhood, would you risk your life to remember it?
What’s the budget range? I feel that the budget will be low to mid-range, maybe $5M to $20M.
Who do you see in the main roles? The person I see as the female protagonist can show a wide range of emotional abilities. Think Emma Watson, Kathryn Newton or Odeya Rush. Shards is an antagonist-driven story. I’ve always felt that Stanley Tucci would be perfect as the villain.
How many pages is the script? 117
Who else has seen this? You are the first person I’ve contacted.
Why do you think this fits our company? You have produced X and XX and XXX.
How does the movie end? The movie ends when Sarah and March must fight to the death on a high, dangerous cliff in a remote canyon on the Navajo Indian Reservation.
Pitch fest pitch: Hi, my name is Jeffrey Alan Chase. I’m a screenwriter with a contest win and numerous placements.
I’ve just finished a new mystery thriller feature. The title is Shards.
Shards begs the question: If you had no memory of your childhood, would you risk your life to remember it?
I believe the budget for Shards falls into the low to mid- range.
Shards is an antagonist-driven story. I’ve always felt that Stanley Tucci would be perfect for the villain. The protagonist’s role is a great fit for a female actor with a wide range of emotional abilities. Think Emma Watson, Kathryn Newton or Odeya Rush.
In ACT 1, young pottery restoration expert, Sarah Cole has no memory of her life before the age of six. Hypnotist James March helps her recall bits and pieces of her childhood. The memories terrify Sarah, but with March’s caring guidance, she dives deep into her dark, mysterious past.
In ACT II, March helps Sarah meet her 6-year-old self. The little girl is spunky, tough; qualities Sarah has lost. March totally controls Sarah’s therapy and seems obsessed with helping her remember the location of a treasure cave in the desert. When Sarah recalls painful memories about the cave, her younger self privately tells Sarah not to trust March.
In ACT III, Sarah and March travel into the desert to jog her memories. Along the way, Sarah battles her younger self who accuses her of killing their father. And March seems to know more about her childhood than he should. They re-discover the cave. It’s full of Conquistador treasure. Sarah now remembers this is where she lost her memory as a child. She also remembers it was March, who as a young, bearded grave robber, threw her off a cliff.
How it ends: Sarah reconnects with her warrior spirit. Sarah and March fight. Sarah wins.
Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert pieces together a dark past and discovers her hypnotist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
Query letter: If you had no memory of your childhood, would you risk your life to remember it?
For a young pottery restoration expert with amnesia, a chance meeting with hypnotherapist James March is a god send. Under hypnosis, Sarah pieces some of her childhood memories back together and is overjoyed – until she meets her six-year-old self.
The little girl tells Sarah not to trust March.
Desperate for answers, Sarah continues therapy. She remembers a cave in the desert. And also that her father was a treasure hunter. Then her younger self accuses Sarah of killing her father.
Sarah suspects March is manipulating her memories.
Will Sarah discover the truth about her dark past? Or lose her life? Or both?
If you like the concept, I’d be delighted to send you the script.
Contact info here…
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Target Market
What I learned from doing this assignment is: The wealth of info that I can access by doing a little research. I have a pretty good database of producers that I have compiled over the last several years while taking the SU Pro, Master Class, and other courses. I’ve added a bunch of new producers, targeting recent movies in my genre. It just felt natural, that after adding them to my database, that I would go ahead and send them pitches via email and LinkedIn, so I’ve done so. 😊
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Phone Pitch
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It is very important to be succinct, pleasant, knowledgeable and offer them HOOKS that will make them want to request my script.
Hi, my name is Jeffrey Alan Chase and I’m wondering if I could run a quick high concept by you.
It is a Mystery Thriller, and the title is Shards.
My High Concept: A young pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her father’s murder and her hypnotist’s ties to a Conquistador treasure.
The script begs the question: If you had no memory of your childhood, would you risk your life to remember it?
What’s the budget range? I feel that the budget will be low to mid-range, maybe $5M to $20M.
Who do you see in the main roles? The person I see as the female protagonist can show a wide range of emotional abilities. Think Emma Watson, Kathryn Newton or Odeya Rush. Shards is an antagonist-driven story. I’ve always felt that Stanley Tucci would be perfect as the villain.
How many pages is the script? 117
Who else has seen this? You are the first person I’ve contacted.
Why do you think this fits our company? You have produced X and XX and XXX.
How does the movie end? The movie ends when Sarah and March must fight to the death on a high, dangerous cliff in a remote canyon on the Navajo Indian Reservation.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It forced me to pull major hooks from my story and use them to build a pitch. I think it’s a bit longer than it should be. It’s a work in progress.
Hi, my name is Jeffrey Alan Chase. I’m a screenwriter with several contest placements and a good number of Recommended scripts.
I’ve just finished a new mystery
thriller feature. The title is Shards.Shards begs the question: If you had no memory of your childhood, would you risk your life to remember it?
I believe the budget for Shards falls into the low to mid- range.
Shards is an antagonist-driven story. I’ve always felt that Stanley Tucci would be perfect for the villain. The protagonist’s role is a great fit for a female actor with a wide range of emotional abilities. Think Emma Watson, Kathryn Newton or Odeya Rush.
In ACT 1, young pottery restoration expert, Sarah Cole has no memory of her life before the age of six. Hypnotist James March helps her recall bits and pieces of her childhood. The memories terrify Sarah, but with March’s caring guidance, she dives deep into her dark, mysterious past.
In ACT II, March helps Sarah meet her 6-year-old self. The little girl is spunky, tough; qualities Sarah has lost. March totally controls Sarah’s therapy and seems obsessed with helping her remember the location of a treasure cave in the desert. When Sarah recalls painful memories about the cave, her younger self privately tells Sarah not to trust March.
In ACT III, Sarah and March travel into the desert to jog her memories. Along the way, Sarah battles her younger self who accuses her of killing their father. And March seems to know more about her childhood than he should. They re-discover the cave. It’s full of Conquistador treasure. Sarah now remembers this is where she lost her memory as a child. She also remembers it was March, who as a young, bearded grave robber, threw her off a cliff.
How it ends: Sarah reconnects with her warrior spirit. Sarah and March fight. Sarah wins.
Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert pieces together a dark past and discovers her hypnotist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Query Letter
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Combining my high concept with great hooks along with pieces of my elevator pitch equals a good first stab at a query letter.
Query letter for “Shards”:
If you had no memory of your childhood, what would you do to remember it?
For a young pottery restoration expert with amnesia, a chance meeting with hypnotherapist James March is a god send. Under hypnosis, Sarah pieces some of her childhood memories back together and is overjoyed – until she meets her six-year-old self.
The little girl tells Sarah not to trust March.
Desperate for answers, Sarah continues therapy. She remembers a cave in the desert. And that her father was a treasure hunter. Then her younger self accuses Sarah of killing her father.
Sarah suspects March is manipulating her memories.
Will Sarah discover the truth about her dark past? Or lose her life? Or both?
If you like the concept, I’d be delighted to send you the script.
Contact info here…
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I wrote down my high concept as a dilemma, main conflict, what’s a stake and goal/unique opposition. It gave me a ton of ideas. Once you know the process, you can use one or two great hooks to create a powerful elevator pitch.
High concept:
Good news! Your therapist can cure your childhood amnesia. Bad news: your 6-year-old self doesn’t trust him.
Elevator pitch: I just finished a thriller about a young woman with amnesia who must battle a devious hypnotist and her angry, six-year-old self to discover how her treasure hunter father died.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned from doing this assignment is: How “relatively” easy it is to write down what my major hooks are and then build my query around them. Very, very cool process to make a hard job a little bit easier.
Unique Characters:
Protag: A woman with no memory of her childhood.
Antag: A devious hypnotherapist who has big reasons to help her remember.
Betrayals:
Sarah conceals her younger self’s feelings about March.
Major twists:
Young Sarah tells older Sarah that she killed her father.
March is using Sarah for some unknown purpose.
Big Surprise: The treasure cave in Sarah’s nightmares is real.
Emotional dilemma: Sarah must either stop therapy and never know the truth or continue and learn the painful truth.
Genre: Suspense Thriller
Title: Shards
Nutshell: Hitchcock’s “Spellbound” meets “The Girl on the Train”
Synopsis:
If you had no memory of your childhood, would you risk your life to remember it?
For pottery restoration expert, Sarah, who suffers with disturbing nightmares, a chance run-in with hypnotherapist James March is a god send. Under hypnosis, Sarah starts to piece her childhood back together. And she’s overjoyed when she meets her six-year-old self.
But the little girl privately tells Sarah not to trust March.
Confused and frightened, Sarah is desperate for answers. With March’s help, she recalls details about a treasure cave in the desert. But also, that she’s responsible for the death of her father.
Sarah suspects March is manipulating her memories.
Will Sarah run? Or continue therapy to learn the truth about her past?
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s 10 Most Interesting Things
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It is easy to pull out the most interesting things from my story IF I CONCENTRATE only on HOOKS. I admit, I’ve been writing book reports instead of synopses or pitches, listing details instead of finding hooks that will capture and hold the interest of a producer or manager. I’ll do things differently in the future, starting now.
A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
– HERO: SARAH, 26, has no memory of her childhood and is tormented by fleeting visions of a treasure cave in the desert – and feels that she may be responsible for the death of her father.
– My villain, MARCH, 50, is a hypnotherapist who offers to treat Sarah. March is responsible for the traumatic injury that caused Sarah’s amnesia years ago and needs to help her remember her past because he can’t remember the location of the treasure cave and is driven to find it.
B. Major hook of your opening scene? MARCH reviews footage of Sarah talking about her amnesia on a local PBS interview and March wonders aloud if he can put her back together.
C. Any turning points?
– Sarah agrees to tell March everything her six-year-old self tells her while under hypnosis, but then doesn’t when her younger self tells her to beware of March.
– When March helps Sarah remember things, she asks him to become her therapist. He refuses, then finally agrees, which is all part of his plan to make her emotionally dependent on him.
– Johnny tells March that he’s deathly allergic to scorpions, and then gets mysteriously bitten.
D. Emotional dilemma?
Major dilemma for Sarah: Either work with March and maybe learn she’s responsible for her father’s death or refuse the call and continue her spiral into alcoholism and drug abuse.
Major for March: Either use Sarah’s memories to re-locate the treasure cave in which case he’ll have to kill her or ignore the call and be driven slowly insane knowing that a Conquistador treasure and his severed hand bones just wait to be found out in the desert.
Major dilemma for Johnny: Either be a good cop and help his tribe or honor his grandfather and quit the force to become tribal shaman.
E. Major twists?
Sarah learns at midpoint that March is using her for some unknown purpose. She turns the tables on him, forcing him to come clean, which he does. But he turns the tables on her and confesses only what she wants to hear.
March comes off as a nice guy, then a racist, then a father figure, then the villain he is.
F. Reversals?
Sarah goes from victim to self-confident to being controlled by March to controlling him.
March goes from nice guy to prime suspect to helpful therapist to the villain from hell.
G. Character betrayals?
Sarah betrays March when she conceals what her younger self reveals about the man.
March betrays trust as Sarah’s therapist.
H. Or any big surprises?
– Sarah agrees to accompany March into the desert to search for the cave even though she stated she’d never do it.
– Sarah tells Johnny at the end that she needs time to heal, then leaves him her shard, a reminder that they’ll always be together, and that in the future a hookup might be possible.
– Johnny decides at the end that he can be both a cop and a shaman.
– March’s calm, caring demeanor cracks at the end and we see the man is totally insane.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Meets Producer/Manager
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It is important to consider one’s career in concert with my manager’s career and any producer I work with. I am there to help them succeed. If I succeed, they succeed and vice versa.
I will present myself to a producer as someone who will do everything in my power to make sure that OUR movie is financed, produced and is successful in the marketplace.
I will present myself and my projects to a manager as a creator of high concepts that are highly marketable. I want to be seen as someone who is easy to work with, is always willing to go the extra mile to make a script work and is always ready to make whatever changes/elevations to any script that will elevate the project and make it more pitchable. I want to be the grease that makes the machinery of my manager’s career hum a nice tune.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Marketable Components
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It forced me to think hard about what the major marketing components are in my script and what, if any, work needs to be done to elevate those components.
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
Title: Shards
Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
A. Unique: A woman with childhood amnesia must work with her six-year-old self to learn how her father died twenty years before.
B. Great Title: Shards. A word that applies to both the broken pieces of pottery in the movie and to the shattered pieces of the protagonist’s memory that she must put back together.
C. True: N/A
D. Timely: Shards is strong female-driven movie with a diabolical antagonist.
E. It’s a first: N/A
F. Ultimate: N/A
G. Wide audience appeal: both young and older audiences, male and female. Good date night!
H. Adapted from a popular book: N/A
I. Similarity to a box-office success: Hitchcock’s “Spellbound” and “Memento”. Shards could be billed as, “Memento with a six-year-old girl.”
J. A great role for a bankable actor: Both the protagonist and antagonist are powerful roles.
Shards is an antagonist-driven story. I’ve always thought that Stanley Tucci would be perfect for the role. The protagonist’s role is a great fit for a female actor with a wide range of emotional abilities. Think Emma Watson, Kathryn Newton or Odeya Rush.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Project and Market
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
I feel that what is most attractive about my script is Sarah’s relationship with her six-year-old self and how the two of them battling and working together discover how her father died.
I will be targeting managers. I feel I have a great inventory of solid, marketable work and need help in getting it to the right places.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It forced me to think hard about what hook(s) in my script will excite a manager and/or producer.
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Hi gang,
I have a Psychological Thriller titled, Shards.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase is a Proofreading Star!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: After over 20 drafts I thought I had weeded out any possibility of typos, punctuation, grammar, etc. Going through the script forwards and backwards and voila! Didn’t find anything to fix. I’ll be interested to see if whoever I exchange my script with can pick up on something that I missed.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Wordsmithing!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I worked very hard in previous drafts to remove repetitive verbs and nouns. But… I had a bunch of “looks” that I’d overlooked or hadn’t taken the time to find a better verb — 38 times to be exact. Way too many. I found better verbs and/or rewrote some dialogue and/or actions lines and got that number down to 19. I use very few parentheticals. I do have 4 exclamation marks, used for heightened emotional emphasis. No camera directions. Orphans and widows not allowed.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Has Tested Every Line!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Many pages in my early drafts had verbose descriptions. I try put everything that I can think of in the description. Then, I have developed my own “style” for re-writing sparse, powerful descriptions. I find that with the right verbs and nouns, I can say as much in 1 or 2 lines as I used to say in 4 or 5.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
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The following scene is in the treasure cave near the climax when March confesses that he killed Sarah’s father. The new version is about 75% the length of the old version.
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ORIGINAL VERSION
INSERT COLOR FLASHBACK – MARCH REMEMBERS LOSING HIS HAND
INT. THE TREASURE CAVE – NIGHT
Tom lies in agony amidst Conquistador skeletons, the lance in his body moves with his every tortured breath.
Bear stands over Tom, GRUNTS, and heads to the cave opening.
TOM
Please…don’t hurt her.
Bear looks at Tom, LAUGHS, and exits to go after Sarah.
Tom’s eyes search the cave in desperation. He sees a LARGE SLAB of rock on a wall inside the cave entrance. Is it loose?
MARCH (V.O.)
I thought I’d find him dead after I threw you off the cliff, my dear.
Tom draws a deep breath, MOANS with pain and draws the bloody lance from his body. The handle CLANKS on the floor.
MARCH (V.O.) (CONT’D)
But he used a lance somehow…
Tom turns the lance end for end, PANTS, uses all his strength to inserts the point of the lance into a crack near the slab.
Tom stares heavenward, a prayer on his lips —
MARCH (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Don’t remember it all but…when I returned …
EXT. THE TREASURE CAVE – NIGHT
Bear appears with a crazed look and out of breath at the cave entrance. He crawls back inside — WHAM!
A muffled SCREAM from inside the cave. Bear’s body twists and his legs flail as he tries to back himself out of the cave.
INT. THE TREASURE CAVE – SAME TIME
Bear SCREAMS in agony, tries in vain to pull his crushed hand from under the thick, flat rock.
Dust starts to settle —
Tom watches with no joy on his face as his life seeps out.
Bear raises his head above the flat rock. He GRUNT-SCREAMS.
BEAR
Unghsh! HelmUGG!
TOM
Sorry, kinda busy right now.
Tom GROANS in agony, draws a heavy breath.
TOM (CONT’D)
Wonder which of us will die first.
Bear’s eyes flare wide with terror. He GRUNT-SCREAMS —
MARCH (V.O.)
Don’t know how long I lay there. Tom’s eyes open…just staring at me. I realized there was one option if I wanted to live.
BACK TO SCENE
Sarah stares daggers at March —
SARAH
You had to cut your own fucking hand off.
____________________________________________________
INSERT COLOR FLASHBACK – MARCH REMEMBERS LOSING HIS HAND
INT. THE TREASURE CAVE – NIGHT
Tom lies in agony, impaled by the lance.
Bear GRUNTS with satisfaction, stalks to the cave opening.
TOM
Please…don’t hurt…her.
Bear grunts a raspy LAUGH at Tom, crawls out of the cave.
Tom looks around the cave in desperation, spies a LARGE SLAB of rock on the wall just inside the cave entrance.
MARCH (V.O.)
I thought I’d find Tom dead after I threw your sorry ass off the cliff.
Tom SCREAMS as he draws the bloody lance out of his body.
MARCH (V.O.) (CONT’D)
But he used a lance somehow…
Tom GASPS, turns the lance end for end, uses his last bit of strength to jab the iron point into a crack near the slab.
MARCH (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And, when I returned…
EXT./INT. THE TREASURE CAVE – NIGHT
Bear runs back to the cave, out of breath. He crawls in.
Inside the cave, Tom GROANS and thrusts the lance sideways.
The rock slab loosens — and falls — WHAM.
Outside the cave, Bear SHRIEKS in distress. His body twists, legs flail. He can’t go forward. He can’t back out.
Inside the cave, Bear peers over the rock, GRUNTS at Tom.
BEAR
Unghsh! Helm UGG!
TOM
Sorry. Kinda busy right now.
Tom lays his head back onto the cave wall, stares at Bear.
MARCH (V.O.)
Don’t know how long we lay there. His eyes…just staring at me. I realized there was only one option.
BACK TO SCENE
Sarah’s eyes blaze with cynical satisfaction.
SARAH
You had to cut your own hand off.
-
Jeffrey Alan Chase Has Amazing Dialogue!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: There is always room for improvement. I’ve done about 15 drafts on Shards. By focusing strictly on my dialogue, and what I might be able to elevate, I found 4 places to do so. I also made some changes to the action lines. Most changes are small, but I feel they reveal more about the characters.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
________________________
ORIGINAL:
She retreats in pain. March stands. They circle each other.
SARAH
Got a little nick up there.
March wipes his brow, sees the blood that wets his glove.
MARCH
I’m gonna enjoy killing you.
REVISED:
She retreats in pain. March rises. They circle each other. Sarah points at the skull she kicked at March — she smiles.
SARAH
Don’t you want to say hi to my Dad?
Blood runs into March’s eyes. He paws at it with his glove.
_______________________
ORIGINAL:
FRANK
I want him to be the best cop the tribe’s ever seen.
The Shaman looks surprised.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Yeah, even better than me.
SHAMAN
Hard to do.
FRANK
I can’t have him fretting if he’s worthy to be a shaman when he’s out on patrol. It’s dangerous.
A dust devil spins up in the distance.
SHAMAN
You should have brought that man to justice.
FRANK
He deserved to die. I thought it would please our ancestors.
Both men watch the swirling column of dust.
FRANK (CONT’D)
But I had no right to play god.
REVISED:
FRANK
I want him to be the best cop the tribe’s ever seen.
The Shaman looks surprised.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Yeah, even better than me.
SHAMAN
Hard to do.
FRANK
I can’t have him fretting if he’s worthy to be a shaman when he’s out on patrol. It’s dangerous.
A dust devil spins up in the distance.
SHAMAN
You should have brought that grave robber to justice.
FRANK
He deserved to die. I thought it would please our ancestors.
Both men watch the swirling column of dust. Frank sighs –
FRANK (CONT’D)
I had no right to play God.
______________________
ORIGINAL:
Sarah eases to the cliff edge where —
March’s three gloved fingers grip the cliff, one boot toe trembles in an ancient toehold.
March cradles his old bones in his good hand.
MARCH (CONT’D)
Please, Sarah, help me.
She glares with contempt.
SARAH
Prepare to die, James.
MARCH
You’re not a murderer. Please.
Sarah seems torn — she glances at the cave — back at March.
SARAH
…I got what I came for.
MARCH
Thank you. Thank you, my dear.
She reaches for him. He lets go of the ledge, grabs her wrist with his glove. He smiles. WHIR — CLICK CLICK.
SARAH
Ow, stop. You’re hurting…
Her eyes fill with fear as he pulls her toward him —
SARAH (CONT’D)
No. Stop.
REVISED:
Sarah runs to the cliff edge where —
March’s three gloved fingers grip the rock, one boot toe trembles in an ancient toehold.
March cradles his old bones in his good hand.
MARCH (CONT’D)
Please…help me.
She glares with contempt.
SARAH
Prepare to die, James.
MARCH
You’re not a murderer.
Sarah glances at the cave — seems torn —
SARAH
Not all that different, are we? We both just wanted to be complete.
MARCH
Please, please, Sarah.
She hesitates — reaches for him. He lets go the ledge, grabs her wrist with his glove. He smiles. WHIR — CLICK CLICK.
SARAH
Ow, stop. You’re hurting…
Her eyes fill with terror as he draws her toward him —
SARAH (CONT’D)
No. Stop.
-
Jeffrey Alan Chase Has Incredible Monologues!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: A monologue can really help to make characters stand out from the crowd. I expanded Sarah’s monologue when she begins climbing the wall to the cave. It is her decisive moment to seek the truth. Johnny’s monologue is pretty much the same as I had it and is the “no turning back” moment for him in the movie. I expanded March’s monologue when he insanely confesses his reason for helping Sarah remember her past. This gives all 3 characters more screen time to show their chops. 😊
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
SARAH’S “MONOLOGUE”
EXT. STEEP ANGLED SANDSTONE WALL – MOMENTS LATER
Sarah and Johnny stare up in awe at the teardrops — ancient hand and foot holds carved into the sandstone wall.
JOHNNY
Wow. Never knew this was here.
YOUNG SARAH (V.O.)
Don’t go up there, Daddy, please.
Sarah swallows hard, fights her fear — and begins to climb.
JOHNNY
What do you know about March?
SARAH
Enough to know he’s helping me.
JOHNNY
He told me he lost his hand hunting deer outside of Winslow.
Sarah stops, peers down at Johnny —
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
It’s the worst area to hunt in the entire state. I know. Been there.
He climbs to just below her —
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
I think what you’re remembering is more
for his benefit than yours.
She won’t meet his gaze.
SARAH
That’s crazy.
Sarah climbs higher —
SARAH (CONT’D)
Why would he lie? He’s gone out of his
way to be honest with me.
She climbs recklessly, driven by anger and frustration —
SARAH (CONT’D)
Came clean about writing his book.
JOHNNY
Slow down, girl…
SARAH
And everything I’ve remembered…
As she grabs a hand hold, one boot slips — then the other — Sarah dangles by one hand, terrified.
YOUNG SARAH (V.O.)
Oh, my God…
JOHNNY
Hang on…easy, easy…
Sarah struggles to find a toehold in the sandstone — she clutches the wall, glues herself to it, her body trembling.
SARAH
…has lead me here. To this place.
She looks up with determination.
SARAH (CONT’D)
And nothing is going to stop me from learning the truth.
____________________________________________
JOHNNY’S “MONOLOGUE”
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT SQUAD ROOM – DAY
The door BANGS open. Johnny stalks past Peshlakai’s desk to Frank’s office. Johnny enters, SLAMS the door behind him.
PATROLMAN PESHLAKAI
Uh oh.
INT. CAPTAIN’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Frank looks up from his desk in surprise.
FRANK
What the hell are you —
JOHNNY
– Who dropped Sarah Cole off at the
hospital in grandfather’s truck?
Frank won’t look at Johnny.
FRANK
Your grandfather did nothing wrong.
Frank rises, opens a drawer in a file cabinet.
FRANK (CONT’D)
I told you to leave the cold cases alone.
It’s done and buried. All parties to the
case are dead or —
JOHNNY
– Can’t remember what happened?
Frank drops a folder into the file drawer, SLAMS it closed.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
Chayton told me there were rumors about a cover up.
Frank returns to his desk, opens a new file folder.
FRANK
I have nothing more to say. Leave that case alone or —
JOHNNY
– Or what, Dad? A private citizen can’t look for clues to something that smells totally rotten?
Johnny stalks to the door, grasps the knob, he stops —
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
It’s like when I was a kid. You’d say NO about something and it’d make me want to do it all that much more. Like my dirt bike. Remember?
He faces his father —
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
So I can’t be sure. Are you telling me “no” about the Sarah Cole case because you want me to butt out? Or because you want me to learn what really happened twenty years ago?
__________________________________________________
MARCH’S “MONOLOGUE”
Johnny places the sword farther underneath the rock andlifts. March kicks a larger stone underneath.
MARCH
More.
Johnny lifts again — March rolls a large rock underneath.
MARCH (CONT’D)
Drop the sword. Flip it over. Both of
you…NOW.
Sarah and Johnny strain to raise the big slab.
March watches with maniacal zeal as the rock teeters and
falls over with a BOOM. Sarah looks horrified, turns away.
JOHNNY
Is that…?
March gazes at the human hand bones with reverence.
MARCH
Yes. They’re mine.
March gently pick up the bones with his good hand. Johnny tries to make a move on March — but March is ready.
MARCH (CONT’D)
Why do you insist on being bad?
JOHNNY
You’ll never get away with this.
MARCH
But I will, Benally. You fell from the ledge. Sarah went to your aid, but alas, she fell, also. And poor me? I’ll be living in Mexico.
JOHNNY
Ballistics will find powder residue in here. That bullet, too, March.
MARCH
…Guess I’ll have to tidy up a bit before I leave. Maybe rearrange the furniture…A small fire perhaps.
Johnny circles toward March.
JOHNNY
Gonna rub two sticks together? Your plan’s got a few worms in it.
March glares at Sarah, anxiously keeps both covered —
MARCH
The treasure is mine! I’ve suffered for years because of your father.
SARAH
He outfoxed you somehow. Your ego couldn’t take it, could it, March?
March’s face contorts in anguish, he whines —
MARCH
He tricked meeee…
INSERT COLOR FLASHBACK – MARCH REMEMBERS LOSING HIS HAND
INT. THE TREASURE CAVE – NIGHT
Tom lies in agony, impaled by the lance.
Bear GRUNTS with satisfaction, stalks to the cave opening.
TOM
Please…don’t hurt…her.
Bear grunts a raspy LAUGH at Tom, crawls out of the cave.
Tom looks around the cave in desperation. He spies a LARGE SLAB of rock on the wall just inside the cave entrance.
MARCH (V.O.)
I thought I’d find Tom dead after I threw your sorry ass off the cliff.
Tom SCREAMS as he draws the bloody lance out of his body.
MARCH (V.O.) (CONT’D)
But he used a lance somehow…
Tom GASPS, turns the lance end for end, uses his last bit of strength to jab the iron point into a crack near the slab.
MARCH (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And, when I returned…
EXT./INT. THE TREASURE CAVE – NIGHT
Bear runs back to the cave, out of breath. He crawls in.
Inside the cave, Tom GROANS and thrusts the lance sideways.
The rock slab loosens — and falls — WHAM.
Outside the cave, Bear SHRIEKS in distress. His body twists, legs flail. He can’t go forward. He can’t back out.
Inside the cave, Bear peers over the rock, GRUNTS at Tom.
BEAR
Unghsh! Helm UGG!
TOM
Sorry. Kinda busy right now.
Tom lays his head back onto the cave wall, stares at Bear.
MARCH (V.O.)
Don’t know how long we lay there. His eyes…just staring at me. I realized there was only one option.
BACK TO SCENE
Sarah’s eyes blaze with anger — and cynical satisfaction.
SARAH
You had to cut your own hand off.
MARCH
Made a tourniquet. Somehow got down the cliff. Wandered delirious for days. Someone dropped me at the hospital in Winslow.
JOHNNY
Old man in a pink pickup?
March shrugs, no idea.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
Told’em you got hurt deer hunting.
MARCH
What was I supposed to say? That I’d just killed a man? That I was defiling ancient Indian graves?
SARAH
You couldn’t remember where the cave was. You needed my memories.
MARCH
I had become a different man. Had a good life. I didn’t want to do it. But I saw that PBS show, learned you were alive…and felt something inside me I thought was long dead.
March’s psychosis crests. He remembers his mission.
MARCH (CONT’D)
This is my reward.
March gazes at the bones in his hand, then at the strong box.
MARCH (CONT’D)
It’s full of gold. Open it.
-
Jeffrey Alan Chase is great at Subtext Pointers!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: there is always room for improvement. I had already put a ton of time into working with subtext in my script. Just found several other scenes with dialogue I could elevate. The following is one of those scenes…
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
OLD VERSION —–
This starts on page 15 when Sarah calls March after a traumatic memory caused her to break a pot March sent to be repaired. We don’t know yet that he wants to trigger her memories in order to learn the location of a treasure cave.
MARCH
Hello?
SARAH (V.O.)
Mister March? James March?
INTERCUT SARAH AND MARCH ON THE PHONE
Sarah is unsure, timid.
SARAH
It’s Sarah Cole, Mister March.
MARCH
Sarah…the restoration person?
SARAH
Uh, yeah. That’s me.
MARCH
Well, Miss Cole, nice of you to call. You received my Anasazi?
Broken shards are laid out in order on her coffee table.
SARAH
Got it right here.
MARCH
Wonderful.
SARAH
But I…I have a small problem.
Sarah bites her lip.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I broke it a little…Maybe more than a little.
MARCH
What?
SARAH
I can fix it in a week and I’ll make it good as new…for free. I’m sorry…I’m sure it means a lot to you.
Sarah unconsciously rubs the scar on her temple.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I…I have a feeling this pot could be important to me, too.
MARCH
Why is that?
SARAH
I need to explain, in person if I can. I know you’re staying in New York so I thought I could buy you a burger or something, you know.
MARCH
Do you know where the Marlton is? I always stay here when I’m in town to meet with my agent. Nice place.
SARAH
Uh, yeah.
MARCH
Have you eaten yet?
SARAH
…No.
MARCH
We’ll have dinner here, talk about your plan for my pot. I’ll send a cab for you. Say about seven?
Sarah’s jaw works but no words come out.
MARCH
Are you there, Miss Cole?
SARAH
Uh, yeah…thanks.
NEW VERSION —–
We don’t know it yet, but the Antagonist, March, is driving all the action, setting Sarah up. His goal is to get her to trust her and then, control her. I’ve added several lines that “show” this so that — when the script is read through a second time or the movie is viewed a second time — all the clues will be obvious like was done in “The Sixth Sense”.
INTERCUT SARAH AND MARCH ON THE PHONE
Sarah is unsure, timid.
SARAH
It’s Sarah Cole, Mister March.
March registers surprise —
MARCH
Sarah…the restoration person?
Sarah cringes.
SARAH
Uh, yeah. That’s me.
MARCH
Well, Miss Cole, nice of you to call. You received my Anasazi?
Broken shards are laid out in order on her coffee table.
SARAH
Got it right here.
MARCH
How is it coming?
SARAH
Uh, it’s in process.
MARCH
Wonderful.
SARAH
But I…I have a small problem.
March raises his eyebrows.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I broke it a little…Maybe more than a little.
MARCH
What are you saying, Miss Cole?
SARAH
I can fix it in a week and I’ll make it good as new…for free. I’m sorry…and…
March rises, paces, mixed emotions on his face.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I’m sure it means a lot to you.
Sarah unconsciously rubs the scar on her temple.
SARAH (CONT’D)
I…I have a feeling this pot could be important to me, too.
MARCH
Oh, really.
She cringes at his sarcastic tone.
SARAH
I need to explain, in person if I can. I know you’re staying in New York so I thought I could buy you a burger or something, you know.
MARCH
I’m a vegetarian.
Sarah cringes again. March stops pacing with a sigh —
MARCH (CONT’D)
Do you know where the Marlton is? I always stay here when I’m in town to meet with my agent. Nice place.
SARAH
Uh, yeah.
MARCH
Have you eaten yet?
SARAH
No, but I —
MARCH
– We’ll have dinner here, talk about your repair plans. I’ll send a cab for you. Say about seven?
Sarah’s jaw works but no words come out.
MARCH (CONT’D)
Are you there, Miss Cole?
SARAH (CONT’D)
Yeah…Seven. But I like to walk.
-
Jeffrey Alan Chase loves Covering Subtext!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: My script is a Psychological Suspense Thriller and I worked hard to use a lot of subtext in each character’s dialogue. Per usual, when I went through the script again, I found several scenes where I could add subtext and/or elevate and improve the dialogue.
I also discovered a plot hole. I had accidentally deleted some lines of dialogue that was the set up for a reveal later in the script.. Fixed that also.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
Use of silence instead of dialogue for Sarah:
INT. LIQUOR STORE – CONTINUOUS
Louie glances up from his comic book with surprise.
LOUIE
You’re early.
Sarah shoots him a desperate glance as she heads to her stuff.
__________________________________
This scene also uses silence and adds incongruent actions from Sarah when she is under hypnosis in March’s office.
YOUNG SARAH
sits in the dirt. She grabs the pieces and works to fit the
pottery fragments back together like a jig saw puzzle.
MARCH (V.O.)
What are you doing, young Sarah?
Young Sarah looks at us —
YOUNG SARAH
Duh. I’m fixing stuff.
INTERCUT BETWEEN FLASHBACK AT TOM’S DIG AND MARCH’S OFFICE
Sarah smiles on the sofa. March looks excited but confused.
MARCH
What did she say?
March’s gloved fingers twitch with nervous energy. He scowls at his glove, CLAMPS it into a fist.
At the dig, Young Sarah happily works on her puzzle pieces.
YOUNG SARAH
Daddy needs me.
In March’s office, Sarah nods. March looks frustrated.
At the dig, Young Sarah happily fits two pieces together.
YOUNG SARAH (CONT’D)
We’re gonna always be together.
SARAH (V.O.)
We’re gonna always be together.
Young Sarah looks at us with sad eyes —
YOUNG SARAH
You got daddy killed.
In March’s office, Sarah’s face fills with sorrow.
SARAH
I didn’t want it to happen.
March notices Sarah’s sudden emotional swing with alarm.
MARCH
That’s probably enough for today.
At the dig, the little girl stares at us —
YOUNG SARAH
He’s mean. I don’t trust him.
In March’s office, March leans close to Sarah —
MARCH
And on the count of three you will wake
up feeling totally refreshed.
One…two…and three.
Sarah sits up, and for a moment doesn’t know where she is.
She slides from the sofa, holds her head, bewildered.
MARCH (CONT’D)
Are you okay? Seemed like there was a lot going on and —
SARAH
– I was in the desert. And my dad —
MARCH
– You saw Tom?
SARAH
His back was to me. But I know it was him. He gave me pieces of —
MARCH
– Pieces of what?
SARAH
…Pottery, I think. I was trying to put fragments back togeth…
She stares at March, perplexed.
SARAH (CONT’D)
You didn’t hear her?
MARCH
No!
March draws a controlled breath —
MARCH (CONT’D)
Sorry…I thought I would be able to help you speak with young Sarah.
SARAH
But you did.
Now it’s March who looks perplexed.
MARCH
She was talking…to you?
SARAH
She said, “Duh. I’m fixing stuff”.
MARCH
Really? Huh. Anything else?
Sarah starts to reply — looks away, shakes her head.
-
Jeffrey Alan Chase loves Anticipatory Dialogue
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: My script is a Psychological Suspense Thriller and I worked hard to put a reader on the edge of their seat and then keep them there. So I was amazed when I went through the script again with a focus just on the dialogue and was able to find several places where I could elevate it. Always room for improvement. Very cool.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
-
Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I elevated several scenes. Again, I thought “Shards has already received a RECOMMEND from a professional service why should I think about changing it?” But I realize there is ALWAYS room for improvement. One of the elevated scenes is below…
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – SHAMAN’S MESA – DAY
The Shaman sits cross-legged at the edge, chants with eyes closed. Frank climbs up, out of breath.
FRANK
…Hey, pop.
The Shaman ceases his chant, stares into the distance.
SHAMAN
You have not been up here in years.
Frank stretches tired legs.
FRANK
Haven’t needed to. Until now.
Frank stiffly sits cross-legged next to his father.
SHAMAN
Not as young as you used to be.
FRANK
Speak for yourself, old man.
Frank admires the view for a moment —
FRANK (CONT’D)
Your grandson came to see me.
SHAMAN
You fired him.
FRANK
For his own good. I want him to be the
best cop the tribe’s ever seen.
The Shaman looks surprised.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Yeah, even better than me.
SHAMAN
Hard to do.
FRANK
Can’t have him fretting if he’s worthy to be a shaman when he’s out on patrol. It’s dangerous.
A dust devil spins up in the distance.
SHAMAN
You should have brought that grave robber to justice.
FRANK
He deserved to die. I thought it would please our ancestors.
Both men watch the swirling column of dust.
FRANK (CONT’D)
But I had no right to play god.
SHAMAN
You push your son. I push him. He must make his own decision.
FRANK
I just hope he makes the right one.
SHAMAN
You put him on the path to decide.
Frank looks puzzled. The Shaman stares into the distance.
SHAMAN (CONT’D)
Spirits work in mysterious ways.
FRANK
I get the feeling you know something you’re not telling me.
SHAMAN
Shape shifter will come.
The old man raises his chin —
SHAMAN (CONT’D)
And…Atsah-be-yaz.
FRANK
Sarah Cole? How do you know?
Shaman nods at the dust devil that meanders across the desert.
SHAMAN
Chindi must find peace.
The old man turns empathetic eyes on Frank —
SHAMAN (CONT’D)
You must find peace.
Unspoken words flow between two men. Frank stiffly stands.
FRANK
Chenah niliinii, dine, klizzie.
SUBTITLE: Stay well, you old Navajo goat.
A faint smile comes to the Shaman’s weathered lips.
-
Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Dialogue Structures
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: there is always room for improvement. I thought I had nailed all my dialogue. Then I put several scenes under the microscope and discovered small tweaks I could make that elevated the emotion in the scene more than I thought was possible.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT SQUAD ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Several desks. Filing cabinets. OFFICERS in the middle of shift change make small talk, snippets of NAVAJO LANGUAGE. A joke is told, they all LAUGH.
Johnny enters. The place instantly quiets. He notices.
JOHNNY
Who died?
The cops suddenly find paperwork they need to attend to.
PATROLMAN PESHLAKAI, 30, turns to Johnny, looks sheepish.
PATROLMAN PESHLAKAI
Your father wants to see you.
JOHNNY
What about?
Peshlakai motions with his head for Johnny to go find out.
INT. CAPTAIN’S OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER
Glass cubicle. A desk nameplate reads, CAPTAIN BENALLY.
FRANK BENALLY, 50, Navajo, powerful build, no-nonsense air, works at the desk. He sees Johnny heading to his office.
FRANK
Shit.
Johnny opens the door, enters with a cocky smile —
JOHNNY
Peshlakai said you need my help.
Frank opens a file folder. Johnny starts to sit down.
FRANK
Don’t. You won’t be here that long.
JOHNNY
Got a big new case for me, huh?
Frank glances up from the file folder without expression.
FRANK
I got to lay you off.
Johnny looks dumbfounded.
FRANK (CONT’D)
Budget cut. Last hire is the first to go. I need you to turn in your weapon.
Johnny waves at the other officers in the squad room.
JOHNNY
I put in more hours than anyone.
FRANK
You —
JOHNNY
– How can there be a budget cut?
FRANK
Can pick up —
JOHNNY
– The department just bought two new patrol cars.
FRANK
Your check tomorrow.
Frank closes his file folder.
JOHNNY
That Red Creek cattle theft case had been gathering dust for eight years before I
solved it.
FRANK
Told you to leave cold cases alone.
JOHNNY
I did it on my own time.
FRANK
Without telling me. I don’t like surprises.
JOHNNY
The cold cases weren’t under lock and key so I figured they were fair game. Hey,
I’m the best detective here. Maybe even better than —
Frank jumps up from his seat.
FRANK
– Than who, OFFICER Benally?
JOHNNY
Twenty years ago you were a brand new patrolman, wrote up a case.
FRANK
Managed a lot of cases back then.
JOHNNY
And you liked to play detective in your spare time, work cold cases.
FRANK
I’ll remind you, you’re an officer, NOT a detective and now you’re damn close to insubordination and —
JOHNNY
– The Sarah Cole case. Never solved. You handled it. No one has opened it up since. Why?
FRANK
That’s it. You’re fired. Get out.
Johnny stands straight.
JOHNNY
Did grandfather have anything to do with this?
Frank blinks.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
I saw him up on the mesa today.
Frank points at his office door and growls —
FRANK
Get —
JOHNNY
– He was talking to a dust devil.
Frank blinks again.
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Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Elevated Dialogue
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: How important it is to do individual passes through my script and focus on only ONE area at a time. I thought my dialogue was perfect. Then I did this pass.
PS… I received a Recommend on Shards on December 15. 😊
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
Lines rewritten for Sarah: 1
Guess I’m afraid to learn about… bad things I might have done.
Lines rewritten for March: 3
Which only reminds me that none of the stuff I own is as important as owning who I really am.
The guilt you feel about your father’s death…this is something important you’ll need to address when you find a therapist who –
I had become a different man. Had a good life. I didn’t want to do it. But I saw that PBS show, learned you were alive…and felt something inside me I thought was long dead.
Lines rewritten for Johnny: 3
Sure like to be fly on that wall.
He was talking to a dust devil.
Oh, Tomas. You’re putting your dick in way too many bad places.
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Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Elevated Interest
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Concentrating SOLELY on the interest level is a great way to elevate scenes. I found several scenes I could add a small twist and it tightened up the scene.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
Scene #:
9 – Added some action for Rosie to add surprise.
14 – Added panic to Sarah’s reaction at seeing her special vodka sold out.
15 – added more intrigue to Sarah and why she needs to hear LOUD music.
22 – heightened suspense with description changes about Young Sarah thrown from the cliff.
71 – Added a stronger internal dilemma for Sarah and created an uncomfortable moment, also. She realizes that she is now totally locked into relying on him to help her remember her past. Also heightened March’s intrigue.
75 – added another mislead for Sarah. Heightened the mystery. Enhanced superior position.
80 – Added stronger internal dilemma for Halona. Stronger uncomfortable moment for Johnny.
102 – heightened the mystery about the Shaman and Frank’s involvement with young Sarah.
140 – Heightened Johnny’s uncertainty about March’s intentions.
141 – increased tension and added a mislead about Johnny’s scorpion bite. Who is responsible?
144 – added another mislead about the scorpion bite.
156 – Heightened March finishing Sarah’s song. Also heightened his uncomfortable moment.
159 – Heightened Sarah’s internal dilemma: To believe in March or not.
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Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Elevated Emotion!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I was able to go through the script and find several scenes where I was able to increase emotional character turmoil and audience empathy. It really helps to do an edit pass that concentrates ONLY on heightening the emotions of the characters and the scenes.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Suspense Thriller
High Concept Logline: A young, pottery restoration expert with no memory of her childhood pieces together a dark past to discover her hypnotherapist’s ties to her father’s murder and a Conquistador treasure.
Scene #:
18 – David teases Sarah with a new repair project.
How Intensified: It’s a game of cat and mouse between them until Sarah asks David for a piece of his fees.
21 – Bear catches Young Sarah.
How Intensified: Trimmed several adjectives from the description, made it harder hitting.
22 – Sarah breaks March’s pot.
How Intensified: Condensed Sarah’s dialogue, tightened the action.
25 – Sarah enters the liquor store.
How Intensified: Louie’s emotions have been elevated with “surprise”.
30 – March interacts with a room service waiter.
How Intensified: Made March more likeable, less of an angry person.
31- Sarah admits she broke March’s pot.
How Intensified: Added Sarah’s dismay. March collects his thoughts – we wonder is he happy or angry?
34 – Johnny sees Shaman on the mesa.
How Intensified: Johnny gets goosebumps
43 – Sarah meets March for dinner.
How Intensified: Sarah is emotionally more on the edge, has a hard time revealing that she thinks she may have had something to do with the death of her father.
46 – March at Sarah’s apartment after the mugging.
How Intensified: March’s emotions have been heightened by his actions of disapproval.
51 – David and Sarah on the phone.
How Intensified: We now know that David’s “friend” may be more than just a friend.
53 – Sarah and March talk about the skull
How Intensified: Heightened her response to his self-help suggestion.
55 – A B&W flashback of Young Sarah remembering playing soccer as a child.
How Intensified: The flashback is still seen in B&W. But the object she picks up (we think it is a soccer ball) is instead a human skull – seen in color.
78 – Johnny questions Takoda at the hospital
How Intensified: Gave Johnny an air or uncertainty at the beginning, he has to draw on his inner strength and show confidence at the end.
84 – Sarah gets her Shard from her father.
How Intensified: Better show Tom’s exasperation and his quick thinking to create Sarah’s shard.
85 – March with Sarah under hypnosis after she gets her Shard.
How Intensified: SHOW March as choking in shock when he learns about Tom’s idiot helper.
86 – Sarah remembers Bear was in the cave.
How Intensified: Give Sarah more angst, more anger at March, more fear about moving forward.
89 – Sarah remembers the cave
How Intensified: Sarah chokes with emotion, we see her deep sadness.
95 – Sarah discovers the cave
How Intensified: Sarah doesn’t want her younger self to enter. March urges her to go inside.
102 – Frank and the Shaman talk on the mesa.
How Intensified: Frank is more stunned. The Shaman allows himself to show appreciation for Frank’s good wishes on his departure.
122 – Tomas sees Johnny shoveling out stalls.
How Intensified: Made Johnny more confident, Tomas more conflicted and left some things unsaid to heighten the suspense.
136 – Johnny tells March about the yucca canyon.
How Intensified: Heighten Johnny’s provoking March to anger.
138 – March and Johnny talk about his bionic hand while sitting at the fire.
How Intensified: Elevate March’s dialogue and actions about losing his hand. Elevate Johnny’s emotional dialogue about deer hunting.
149 – Sarah remembers cholla needles in her hand as a child
How intensified: Elevate her confusion and the suspense as older Sarah remembers.
158 – Sarah and Johnny climb the steep sandstone wall.
How Intensified: Show Sarah in discomfort as she climbs.
164 – Sarah, Johnny and March in the cave.
How Intensified: March’s tormented anguish is shown and described much stronger.
169 – Sarah and March fight.
How Intensified: Sarah reveals how she knew March was guilty and that she had secretly copied all his recorder files. Also, she now toys with him, and sarcastically destroys his arrogance and confidence.
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Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Dramatic Reveals!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I pulled a lot of info from Module 4 Lesson 6 and discovered that I had set up and revealed much of what I needed to. BUT… I also discovered several setups that could be set up better or hadn’t paid off as well as they could be. I made a number of changes and am very happy with the results. I’m finding more things to elevate in my current draft.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
A. What is the DEMAND?
B. What is being REVEALED?
C. How is it presented
DRAMATICALLY?Act 1Setup: Under hypnosis, Sarah gets into an argument with her younger self about who is responsible for Tom’s (Sarah’s father) disappearance and possible death.
Act 3 Reveal: Young Sarah is watching out for older Sarah and says that she doesn’t trust March.
Act 2S: Young Sarah easily climbs up the hand and footholds of the cliff up to the treasure cave.
Act 4Reveal: Older Sarah remembers the hand holds and must face her fear of heights.
Act 2S: March asks young Sarah under hypnosis if she remembers people other than her father in the desert? What did he look like? What did he say? Would you remember his voice?
Act 3Reveal: March is assessing what Sarah remembers and covering his tracks, so she doesn’t suspect his real identity. March went out into the desert to dig up pots with Tom only once and couldn’t talk at the time because his voice box had been injured by a cue stick in a bar fight. He could only grunt – like a Bear. Sarah remembers the grunts.
Act 2S: Johnny suspects that the Shaman and his father, Frank, had something to do with saving young Sarah 20 years ago.
Act 4Reveal: When Sarah remembers the Shaman at the hospital, she now also remembers another man was with the Shaman – She describes him as a “star man”. She remembers that the star read, “Navajo Tribal Police”. Johnny is floored to realize it must have been Frank, his father, now the chief of the Navajo Nation Police. Johnny realizes his father and grandfather have inadvertently set him up to find his path in life.
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Module 7 – Lesson 1 – More Character Depth
Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase Loves Character Depth!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Every edit, especially this one, helps to increase the intrigue of my story and helps make my unique characters shine much brighter.
• Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.
Sarah can’t remember her childhood
due to a head trauma twenty years ago when she was 6. She copes with her nightmares
and memory flashbacks with alcohol and drugs.
March is a hypnotherapist and agrees to
help Sarah remember what happened to her as a child.• Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?
Sarah remembers more than she reveals
to March about the events in her childhood. Why? Does she really need
March to help her remember? What will she remember?
March was a much different person twenty
years ago. He caused Sarah’s amnesia when she was six years old.• Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?
Sarah will be forced to confront her
fear and learn if she was somehow responsible for the death of her father.March’s psychosis will overwhelm and
propel him to once again become the murderer he was twenty years ago.I made a number of changes using the above tools.
1. Enhanced both Sarah’s and March’s dialogue. Small pieces were on the nose. Hopefully none are now.
2. Elevated Johnny’s relationship with his father, the Chief of the Navajo Nation police AND his relationship with his grandfather, the Shaman. His journey now more parallels Sarah’s in that they both are seeking to learn who they really are, albeit in much different ways.
3. Added new facets to March’s character to make him more evil but at the same time, made him more generous and understanding. It serves to accentuate the underlying insanity that drives him to pursue his unspoken goal.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Solved Scene Problems
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
Look through your script and identify any scenes that have any of these problems.
Basic scene design.
Situations don’t challenge
characters.
Uninteresting scenes.
Scenes that don’t advance the
story.
Scene accomplishes only one
purpose.
Exposition filled scenes.
When do I reveal what?
Cliché scenes and action.What I learned from doing this assignment is: I’m sorry to say that I found – and am still finding – examples of all of the above. I have fixed most and am in the middle of my current draft and will fix the rest. Great exercise to go back and elevate every single scene wherever possible. Sometimes all that needs to be done is use a different verb or slightly different phrasing. Really excited about this script.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase is Cliché Busting!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
I discovered several clichés in my early drafts. Most of these were due to trying to write as fast as I could. I needed to put something down and, in some cases, took the easiest route: insert a cliché that I would elevate in a later draft. I think I’ve cleaned all the little buggers out. 😊
What I learned from doing this assignment is: a draft specifically focused on removing cliches is a great way to elevate my script. Sometimes a cliché inserts itself and gets overlooked because it sounds so natural. The lesson here is to make sure that if it sounds natural, it is. And not just a cliché.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Solved Character Problems!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: that multiple edit passes are critical for making a good script great. I’ve done a number of passes. I feel my characters are super strong. Still want to tweak a couple of their actions to show some deeper layers. Also need to do several more dialogue passes. Having fun!
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Structure Solutions!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: My script is antagonist driven. But I felt I needed to make my protagonist more proactive and not just responsive to the antagonist’s actions. I feel my protag now is now using a wider range of her physical and emotional motivations and has her own plan of action to deal with the antag.
Act 1:
Opening/Old Ways:
Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? WE SEE the world of twenty-six-year-old amnesia victim and pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. She is shy, introverted and lives in constant fear of vague memories that plague her. She does expert repair work during the day but drinks at night to dull the pain of her incomplete childhood and nightmares.
Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Yes. She’s slowly killing herself with alcohol and drugs and on a downward spiral into the abyss of depression and self-harm.
Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue? Yes.
Inciting Incident: The incident that propels her on her journey is when Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The zig zag pattern on the pot triggers powerful, incapacitating emotions. She drops the pot, and it shatters. She feels the pot may be a clue to the childhood she can’t remember.
Turning Point: March locks Sarah into wanting March to treat her. He drops “suggestions” that maybe Sarah’s father might have died in a supposed “treasure cave”. He miraculously “saves” her life from a mugger. He staged the mugging to make her feel that she is totally dependent on him.
Act 2:
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point?
When March claims that he doesn’t have the time in his schedule to treat Sarah, she gets locked into wanting him to treat her even more. When she begs and finally convinces him to take her on as a patient, March demands that she agree to do whatever he says is necessary for her to remember – which again gives him power over her.
Plan in action: How does the ANTAGONIST take action on that plan? Sarah agrees to travel to Arizona so that March and Sarah can work in his office – where, unbeknownst to her, he will now have total control over what she remembers.
Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, through a reveal, while keeping us on the same journey? Sarah accidentally finds March’s mini recorder and listens to his private files. She now suspects he may be manipulating her memories and “using” them for some unknown purpose. With this knowledge, she begins to turn the tables on March while she pursues her goal of remembering how her father died in the desert.
Act 3:
React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? Sarah now knows that she is being used by March. During various hypnosis sessions, she continues to remember details from her childhood – but she keeps some of this information from March and leads him on to think that what she tells him in the session is the whole truth. Because he needs her to remember certain things that he himself can’t, he must trust that she is revealing all of her memories. It is a cat and mouse game where both are pursuing the same goal – they both need to remember the location of the treasure cave – but for different reasons. Sarah wants to know how her father died. March wants to claim the treasure that he discovered with Sarah’s father – but because of his severe trauma in the desert, needs Sarah’s memories to lead him back to the cave.
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? Sarah now plays her memories even more close to the vest. She thinks she’s getting close to answers when …
Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way. Sarah is terrified when March tells her that they must ride on horseback into the remote Navajo reservation and revisit the “scene of the crime” so she can remember exactly what happened.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically?
Sarah and March re-discover the cave together. March needs to kill Sarah so there are no witnesses.
Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?
Sarah remembers everything about how her father died and that March was the killer. She now must battle a one-armed man to the death.
New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue?
Sarah has found peace and can now move forward confidence to enjoy an emotionally fulfilling life.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Has Finished Act 4!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Good outlining is the key. I was able to fly through Act 4. Filling some holes and setting up a couple of things better. Really happy how this turned out. Still need to cut 12 pages or so.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Continues Act 4
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I was able to fly through Act 4 with the guidance of my outline. Several times I tried to stray away from it but slapped myself around a bit and continued following the outline. I’ve finished Act 4. Was searching for a great 1-page epilogue and – it just appeared…I think because of all the work I’d put into the outline, thinking through my story. Having fun with the editing now. Need to cut 20-25 pages.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Started Act 4
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: never stop writing. With the great outline that I was able to prepare in this class, I finished Act 4 last Friday. My rough draft is way too long, about 145 pages. I’ll be cutting it down to 115-118. Gonna be a challenge.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Finishing Act 3
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: To always keep pushing the ball forward. Having a well-planned outline gave me a great roadmap to quickly write pages. It’s a great feeling to see this script coming to fruition. I look forward to elevating the script.
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: Jeffrey Alan Chase Continuing Act 3
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: To never stop writing. To keep pushing the ball forward. What I learned is that starting from a well-thought out and well-planned outline gave me a great roadmap to quickly write the script. I’ve been researching this script for nearly 20 years, about the same amount of time that the protagonist has been without the memory of her childhood. Hope that’s an omen for good things in the future. I look forward to elevating the script. 😊
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Began Act 3
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I’m moving faster than I was, keep catching myself starting to edit and have to slap myself around a bit and move on to the next scene. Having a lot of fun at this!
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Completed Act 2
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: just keep pushing ahead. I’ve learned a bunch of things from my characters, several new twists in their emotional and motivational makeup. The most important thing I’ve learned is that: my characters don’t want to be stuck in a box. They have their own voice and have to say what they need to say. Trying to write fast and “mostly” succeeding. I’ve just finished Act 3 and moving into ACT 4. Really having fun with this.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Continuing Act 2
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: to don’t’ stop and just keep going. I’ve finished ACT 2 and I’m probably writing too many pages but I’m closely following my outline and pressing ahead. I was thinking this script would be one of my longer ones, like maybe in the 115 page range. At this point it looks like it’s going to be around 130 – 135 so a whole bunch of editing to come. Very happy how this is going. I’ve been trying to write this particular script for a number of years and with the outline from this class, I’m finally doing it. 😊
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Began Act 2
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: working from a great outline means everything. I’m now into Act 3. Fixing some problems as I go (have to keep telling myself to stop editing) but trying to write fast and succeeding. Lots of new details popping up in the story, along with some new minor characters. I was worried my protagonist wasn’t active enough in my outline. Then I started writing the script and she’s super active and very conflicted. Having fun!
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase Finished Act 1
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: that putting the time and creating a great outline makes for much, much, much easier writing – and faster writing – when you actually get to start writing the script. I’m finished with ACT 1 and forging ahead into ACT 2 and having fun. 😊
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Next Act 1 Scenes
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I’ve written my first ACT. It’s 20 pages, which I think is about 3-7 pages short. But that will be fixed in due time. I’m moving into ACT 2 even though my inciting incident isn’t exactly where I want it along with several other things. It’s uncomfortable at times but I will continue to push myself to WRITE FAST and keep going. It’s hard to turn off my auto-editing mode.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I have 10 pages of ACT 1 done. I’ll be writing another 5-7 tomorrow. I’m still struggling to force myself to write fast and to forget about editing as I go. Getting better at it but it’s a hard habit to break.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s High Speed Writing Rules
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: that it forces me to concentrate on writing FAST instead of writing and then stopping to edit over and over. It’s a hard habit to break but I’m empowering myself to enjoy the challenge!
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s First Scene
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
Title: Shards
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Enjoying how much fun it is to be doing the actual writing. The outlining tools that I have learned – and in some cases re-learned – in this class and other SU classes have helped to clearly lay out my roadmap. Looking forward to where this goes!
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Jeff Chase here.
Back in town and ready to exchange for the first time.
Genre: Thriller (Antagonist driven)
Title: Shards
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I was surprised at how much more information came to me while I was concentrating on the beginning, middle and ending of each scene. I think my scenes are much more powerful. And the best is still yet to come.
FADE IN:
EXT. SCOTTSDALE, ARIZONA – DAY
Exclusive apartment buildings on a palm-tree-lined street.
• Scene Arc: Establishing shots.
• Essence: Someone with money lives here.
• Conflict: It’s hot.
• Subtext:
• Hope/fear:
EXT./INT. MARCH’S APARTMENT OFFICE – DAY
Luxury furnishings.
• Scene Arc: Again, this is owned by someone with power.
• Essence: Money and power.
• Conflict:
• Subtext:
• Hope/fear:
LAPTOP COMPUTER IN THE OFFICE – DAY
Two hands, one encased in black leather, types on keyboard. A
taped PBS interview is played, one section multiple times.• Beginning: (Intrigue) We’re curious, who is typing?
• Middle: (Mystery) Who is viewing and who is the woman in
the interview?• Ending: (Suspense) Why is the person playing the video
viewing frames of a scar on the woman’s temple over and over?EXT./INT. PHOENIX, ARIZONA – POTTERY REPAIR SHOP – DAY
A small pottery/china repair shop. We see the world of twenty
six-year-old pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. Her boss
praises her for her work. Sarah seems meek, numb, lazy.• Beginning: (Intrigue) Sarah is woman in the video.
• Middle: She is uncomfortable with her boss’s praise.
• Ending: Sarah shocks her boss with her number of repairs.
INT. POTTERY REPAIR SHOP
Sarah demonstrates expertise as she lays out small, broken
pieces of pottery in their order of being put back together.
She finishes up one job and immediately starts on another.• Beginning: (Sarah changes radically) She’s a dynamo of
energy, sharp as a tack.• Middle: (Mislead) Beads of sweat on her forehead.
• Ending: (Reveal) It’s 5:00 PM, she looks numb again,
scratches her fingernails on the sleeves of her shirt, licks
her lips.EXT. LIQUOR STORE – DAY
Sarah leaves work, makes sure no one notices as she enters
her favorite liquor store.• Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Sarah seems ashamed as she
enters.• Middle: (Intrigue) She buys Vodka, smiles at the cashier.
• Ending: (Mislead) Leaves store, smiles, has happy feet.
INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sarah drinks vodka to dull her emotional pain. We see
FLASHBACKS of some of the childhood memories that haunt her.• Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sarah drinks quickly.
• Middle: (Suspense) Sarah mind is numbed by the alcohol.
• Ending: (Reveal) But it’s not enough to stop memories.
She RAKES finger nails on her raw, bleeding forearm.INT. POTTERY REPAIR SHOP – DAY
Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The
zig zag pattern on it triggers emotions in Sarah and —BEGIN B&W FLASHBACK
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – INDIAN CLIFF DWELLING – NIGHT
A terrified 6-year-old little girl runs from a bearded, man.
We will call her YOUNG SARAH. We will call him BEAR.The girl wears a pot shard with zig zag design on a necklace.
• Beginning: (Suspense) Young Sarah runs for her life.
• Middle: (Mislead) She hides, Bear runs past her.
• Ending: (Cliffhanger / Reveal / Surprise) Bear hears the
girl’s panicked breathing, grabs her, throws her off a cliff.END FLASHBACK
INT. POTTERY REPAIR SHOP – DAY
The pot slips from Sarah’s hands, breaks. Her boss hears the
CRASH, tells her not to come back until she’s sober.• Beginning: (Intrigue) Why was Sarah shocked by the pot?
• Middle: (Major twist) Sarah broke the pot she was to fix.
• Ending: (Surprise) Her boss is mortified when, against
his wishes, Sarah boxes up the pieces and runs out the door.EXT. LIQUOR STORE – DAY
About to enter, Sarah hears broken shards clink in the box.
• Beginning: (Mislead) Sarah wants to buy booze.
• Middle: (uncomfortable moment)j She hears pieces “clink”.
• Ending: (Internal Dilemma / Reveal) Sarah buys no booze.
INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sarah researches the pot’s owner, JAMES MARCH, learns he is a
self-help author and hypnotist. She calls March, admits she
broke his pot, tells him she can fix it in a week.• Beginning: (Mystery) March wears a black glove.
• Middle: (Intrigue) March is also the pot’s owner.
• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah will fix the pot for free and
she wants to meet March.ACT TWO
EXT./INT. POLICE CAR – NAVAJO INDIAN RESERVATION – DAY
Officer JOHNNY BENALLY drives in his police car. Notices the
Shaman on a mesa, a dust devil swirls near the man.• Beginning: (Intrigue) A shaman? A dust devil? A cop?
• Middle: (Mystery) Johnny identifies himself on cop radio.
• Ending: (Suspense) The dust devil envelops the Shaman.
INT. NAVAJO NATION POLICE DEPARTMENT – DAY
Police Chief FRANK BENALLY lays Johnny off.
• Beginning: (Surprise) Johnny is happy, other cops not.
• Middle: (Betrayal) Johnny gets laid off by his father.
• Ending: (Major Twist) Johnny gets suspended indefinitely.
EXT. SHAMAN’S HOGAN – NAVAJO RESERVATION – DAY
Shaman wants Johnny to be Shaman. Johnny refuses the call.
• Beginning: (Intrigue) Johnny wants to be a cop but is
supposed to to be the Shaman.• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Johnny wants to be both but
can’t see a way.• Ending: (External Dilemma) Johnny will let down the tribe
by making one choice or the other.INT. PHOENIX RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Sarah and March meet for dinner. She returns the fixed pot,
reveals that she knows he’s a self-help author and hypnotist.• Beginning: (Mislead) Sarah was meek, now she’s a tiger.
• Middle: (Surprise) Sarah’s shard matches the pot.
• Ending: (External Dilemma) Sarah may go crazy if she’
doesn’t learn about her shard but may go crazy if she does
learn more.EXT. PHOENIX RESTAURANT – NIGHT
A mugger in a ski mask, attempts to mug Sarah and March.
• Beginning: (Major Twist) A peaceful walk home is
interrupted by a mugger.• Middle: (External Dilemma) Sarah and Mach may lose their
wallets AND their lives.• Ending: (Surprise) March breaks the man’s jaw with his
bionic arm and hand.INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
March comes off as helpful, honest, reassuring. Mentions
“going to school” to learn more about her memories.• Beginning: (Mislead) March is helpful, understanding. He
exits and says she can call if she ever needs him.• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Sarah wants to call March but
is afraid of what she might learn.• Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) After March leaves, Sarah
guzzles Vodka to stop the onslaught of memories about school.INSERT FLASHBACK
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – INDIAN GRAVE SITE – DAY
Young Sarah argues with Ben, her dad, about going to school.
• Beginning: (External Dilemma) If Young Sarah goes to
school she’ll be separated from her father. If she doesn’t
he’ll be angry.• Middle: (Surprise) Ben breaks a shard in half, gives one
piece to Sarah saying “they’ll always be together”.• Ending: (Major Twist / Mislead) Young Sarah agrees to go
to school but holds crossed fingers behind her back.INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Hung over, Sarah scans passages in March’s self-help book. He
calls to check on her and says, “Might need to kick the old
skull around.”INSERT FLASHBACK
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT
Young Sarah plays soccer. We can’t see the ball. She scores.
GOAL! We now see her ball – it is a human skull.END FLASHBACK
• Beginning: (Character changes radically) Older Sarah is
excited to score a goal then horrified the ball is a skull.• Middle: (Intrigue) Did March somehow trigger Sarah?
• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah asks March to treat her.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
March hypnotizes Sarah. She recalls her father was an
archeologist and has memories of a “treasure cave.• Beginning: (Mislead) After March’s prompting, Sarah
thinks her father must have been an archeologist.• Middle: (Mystery) March doubts Sarah’s memory about
Spanish Conquistador armor and weapons hidden in a “treasure
cave”.• Ending: (Major Twist) March claims he’s too busy to take
Sarah on as a patient. She begs and he agrees to treat her.ACT THREE
EXT. NAVAJO NATION – HORSE STABLE – DAY
Johnny takes a job, brings up the Sarah Cole cold case with
the stable manager. The manager lets slip that it had to do
with grave robbers and a rumor of some old treasure cave.• Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Johnny wants to be a cop
but must work as a stable hand.• Middle: (Superior Position) We know Sarah Cole exists.
• Ending: (Intrigue) Sarah’s “treasure cave” is real.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
March hypnotizes Sarah, regresses her to meet YOUNG SARAH,
her 6-year-old self, and learn what trauma she experienced.• Beginning: (Intrigue) Young Sarah wonders why March wants
to know about her.• Middle: (Major Twist) Young Sarah is impulsive and
unpredictable and almost too much for March’s ego to handle.• Ending: (Character Changes Radically) For a moment after
she wakes older Sarah displays all the spunk of young Sarah.INT. SHAMAN’S HOGAN – NAVAJO RESERVATION – DAY
Johnny queries his grandfather, the Shaman, on the story
about Sarah Cole. Shaman says he should talk to his father.• Beginning: (Mystery) Johnny’s father was involved in the
Sarah Cole case.• Middle: (Mystery) Was the Shaman also involved?
• Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Johnny’s father and
grandfather may have done something illegal or worse.INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
SERIES OF SCENES: Sarah learns details about her father from
young Sarah. March apologizes for a faulty diagnosis.• Beginning: (Mystery) Was Ben a grave robber?
• Middle: (Mystery) Who is the Bear?
• Ending: (Superior Position) March doesn’t know things
that young Sarah has told older Sarah.INT. NAVAJO NATION POLICE DEPARTMENT – DAY
Johnny confronts his father about unsolved Sarah Cole case.
• Beginning: (Suspense) Johnny accuses Frank of lying.
• Middle: (External Dilemma) Johnny can’t do police work.
• Ending: (Major Twist) Johnny will bend the rules and go
rogue.EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – SHAMAN’S MESA – DAY
Frank climbs to where the Shaman chants spirits, they argue.
FLASHBACK: Shaman and Frank transport little Sarah to the
hospital in Shaman’s old pickup.• Beginning: (Mystery) What bad things did Shaman and Frank
do twenty years ago?• Middle: (Suspense) Will Shaman and Frank come to blows?
• Ending: (Betrayal) The Shaman and Frank both want to
influence Johnny to take a certain path in life.INT. PHOENIX BAR – NIGHT
Sarah confides to the BARTENDER, wonders if March could be
wrong about her father and wonders if March is manipulating
her memories and her interaction with young Sarah.• Beginning: (External / Internal Dilemma) Sarah’s confused
• Middle: (Betrayal) Does March control Sarah?
• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah attempts suicide with pills.
INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT
Sarah has OD’d. They pump her stomach.
• Beginning: (Surprise) Young Sarah reminds older Sarah
that her father told her to “only trust in yourself.”• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Does Sarah believe Young
Sarah, herself or March?• Ending: (Radical Change) She mumbles to the ER Doctor
that she’s “going to find what the fuck March is up to.”INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
TOMAS, the mugger wants more money from March to keep quiet
about March using Sarah for his “next book”.• Beginning: (Major Twist) Tomas has March in a vise.
• Middle: (Betrayal) March has used subterfuge with Sarah
because he wants to write his next book about her.• Ending: (Superior Position) Tomas is March’s hired gun.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – LATER
Buoyed by her ER experience, Sarah surreptitiously questions
young Sarah while March asks questions of young Sarah.• Beginning: (Superior Position) Older Sarah gives March
different info than Young Sarah gave her. (The song)• Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) March is caught in a lie.
• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah gets into March’s head.
INT. NAVAJO NATION HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Johnny tracks down a nurse who cared for Sarah 20 years ago.
• Scene Arc: Johnny goes from unsure to positive.
• Essence: Frank was definitely involved with Sarah’s case.
• Conflict: He will have to confront his father.
• Subtext: He will push the boundaries of the case.
• Hope/fear: We fear he’ll be shut down, hope he succeeds.
• Beginning: (Mystery) The nurse remembers the Shaman
dropping off severely injured young Sarah Cole.• Middle: (Surprise) She is positive because he was driving
his old 1960 Ford pickup.• Ending: (Cliffhanger) Johnny must confront the Shaman.
EXT./INT. SHAMAN’S HOGAN – DAY
Johnny gets dropped off by friend, meets with grandfather.
• Beginning: (Superior Position) Johnny refreshes his
knowledge of native and shamanistic lore. Doesn’t mention he
knows the Shaman dropped off little Sarah at the hospital.• Middle: (Betrayal) Shaman denies knowing anything about
Sarah. He’s lying. Why?• Ending: (Surprise) Johnny asks to borrow Shaman’s truck.
INT. NAVAJO NATION POLICE DEPARTMENT – NIGHT
Johnny arrives in Shaman’s Ford, questions Frank, is rebuked.
• Beginning: (Mystery) Johnny says he knows Shaman dropped
off little Sarah. What does Frank know?• Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Frank seems to
forget he’s a cop, says he can’t reveal info.• Ending: (Betrayal) Johnny feels betrayed by both Shaman
and Frank. He’ll just have to find a way to learn more.INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
Before her next session, Sarah questions March about his true
motives. He admits he plans to write his next book about her.• Beginning: (Major Twist) Sarah is now the inquisitor.
• Middle: (Major Twist) March admits he wants to write a
book about her.• Ending: (Major Twist) She smashes the pot she fixed,
storms from the office.EXT./INT. NAVAJO NATION – HORSE STABLE – DAY
Johnny meets stable hand Tomas who has just quit his job.
• Beginning: (Betrayal) Johnny is depressed. What to do?
• Middle: (Surprise) Johnny learns Tomas is pissed at March
for breaking his jaw. He’ll take March’s money and run.• Ending: (Surprise) Johnny will take Sarah and March out
into the desert to search fro the treasure cave.EXT./INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
March shows at Sarah’s apartment, apologizes again for lying
about writing a book, tells her he really wants to help her
and that he feels the only way for her to find peace is for
them to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote area on
the Navajo reservation.• Beginning: (Intrigue) March cares and wants to help.
• Middle: (Betrayal) March uses a post-hypnotic suggestion
to get her to act against her will.• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah will go with March into the
desert but only if she can bail if things get too tough.INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – NIGHT
March is livid when Tomas calls and tells him a different
guide will lead him into the desert.• Beginning: (Superior Position) We know Johnny will be the
guide.• Middle: (Character Changes Radically) March threatens
Tomas with death.• Ending: (Betrayal) Tomas is running out on March.
EXT. NAVAJO NATION – REMOTE DESERT – DAY
Multiple Scenes – Johnny leads Sarah and March deep into
inhospitable desert to search for the cave. He suspects March
is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah won’t
believe him, is pissed.• Beginning: (Superior Position) Johnny suspects March’s
life story is a lie.• Middle: (Betrayal) Johnny speaks with Sarah when March is
occupied. She thinks Johnny is somehow working for March.• Ending: (Major Twist) Johnny knows that the area where
March was hunting and blew his arm off doesn’t have any deer
like he claims. March is lying. Why?EXT. CAMP IN THE DESERT – NIGHT
March and Johnny argue. Sarah questions her memories.
• Beginning: (Major Twist) Johnny and March argue over
Sarah’s treatment.• Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sarah questions her
memories, gets drunk on vodka she smuggled on her horse.• Ending: (Suspense) A scorpion bites Johnny in his
bedroll.EXT. NAVAJO NATION – REMOTE DESERT – MORNING
Johnny has cured himself of the scorpion sting using Navajo
medicine. He discovers March using an electric razor to shave
his black-stubbled head, good arm and heavy 5:00 shadow.• Beginning: (Suspense) Why is March concerned with
shaving?• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Sarah is hung over, apologizes
to March and Johnny, goes into hypnosis with March.• Ending: (Major Twist) Sarah remembers the song her father
taught which give directions to the treasure cave. She sings.EXT. NAVAJO NATION – REMOTE DESERT – DAY
Sarah, March, and Johnny endure harsh desert conditions,
climb perilous cliffs to what appears to be a blocked cave
entrance.• Beginning: (Mislead/uncertainty) Is this the real cave?
• Middle: (Intrigue) March orders Sarah and Johnny to clear
the opening.• Ending: (Cliffhanger) March watches them like a hawk.
INT. THE TREASURE CAVE – DAY
Sarah realizes March has used her all along and that he is
actually Bear. And that March/Bear killed her father.• Beginning: (Major Twist) March killed Sarah’s father and
then tried to kill her so there wouldn’t be witnesses.• Middle: (External Dilemma) March needs to kill Sarah and
Johnny. The cycle repeats itself.• Ending: (Betrayal) March is insane, wants to recover his
severed hand and arm bones and wants the Conquistador
treasure for himself.EXT. THE TREASURE CAVE – DAY
March pulls a small pistol from his boot, shoots Johnny.
Sarah and March fight to the death.• Beginning: (Character Changes Radically/Surprise) Sarah
fights like a tiger – just like young Sarah did. Young Sarah
and older Sarah are now one person.• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Sarah gets the upper hand,
drives March to the cliff edge, he falls, hangs on. Does she
help him or let him die? She reaches for his hand —• Ending: (Major Twist) March tries to pull Sarah over the
cliff with him – but his bionic arm pops free, he falls to
his death.DEEPER LAYERS: Sarah is helping Johnny realize his true
calling and he is helping her to heal.SHAMAN’S RESOLUTION: The Shaman sits on the mesa, chants. A
dust devil appears. At the same time, a dust devil appears at
the mouth of the cave and Sarah recognizes it as the spirit
of her father. March is distracted for a moment which gives
Johnny a chance to charge March.JOHNNY’S RESOLUTION: He will survive to realize his future as
both a cop AND as the shaman.SARAH’S RESOLUTION: Sarah has put the pieces of herself back
together. She will need time but now can allow herself to
love and be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.MARCH’S RESOLUTION: He falls to his death from the same cliff
he threw Sarah off of twenty years before.Epilogue – Sarah leaves her father’s half of the shard for
Johnny to find in his hospital bed. We are led to believe
that Johnny and Sarah will hook up in the future – but we’re
not sure.Closing scene: March’s spirit (chindi/dust devil) tries to
put back together his arm and hand bones that were left on
the cliff that he fell from. His chindi will wander forever
and never find peace.FADE OUT.
-
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Scene Requirements
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I discovered a lot of my characters’ motivations and filled some plot holes. Great exercise to come at my outline from a different perspective!
FADE IN:
EXT. SCOTTSDALE, ARIZONA – DAY
Exclusive apartment buildings on a palm-tree-lined street.
• Scene Arc: Establishing shots.
• Essence: Someone with money lives here.
• Conflict: It’s hot.
• Subtext:
• Hope/fear:
EXT./INT. MARCH’S APARTMENT OFFICE – DAY
Luxury furnishings.
• Scene Arc: Again, this is owned by someone with power.
• Essence: Money and power.
• Conflict:
• Subtext:
• Hope/fear:
LAPTOP COMPUTER IN THE OFFICE – DAY
Two hands, one encased in black leather, types on keyboard. A
taped PBS interview is played, one section multiple times.• Scene Arc: We know nothing to we know there might be
something about the girl in the PBS interview.• Essence: the scar on the girl’s temple.
• Conflict: The person with the gloved hand grunts happily.
• Subtext: Something is brewing here.
• Hope/fear: Who’s the girl, should we fear for her safety?
EXT./INT. PHOENIX, ARIZONA – POTTERY REPAIR SHOP – DAY
A small pottery/china repair shop. We see the world of twenty
six-year-old pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. Her boss
praises her for her work. Sarah seems meek, numb.INT. POTTERY REPAIR SHOP
Sarah demonstrates expertise as she lays out small, broken
pieces of pottery in their order of being put back together.
She finishes up one job and immediately starts on another.• Scene Arc: Sarah appears to be level-headed but seems to
have some psychological issues.• Essence: Sarah’s a talented artisan. An emotional mess.
• Conflict: She lies to her boss that she is okay.
• Subtext: Her boss knows she drinks to excess. Sarah
scratches her arm with fingernails – evidence of self-harm.• Hope/fear: We hope she’s in a good place. We’re worried
that she’s not.EXT. LIQUOR STORE – DAY
Sarah leaves work, makes sure no one notices as she enters
her favorite liquor store.• Scene Arc: Pretends all is okay then goes to buy booze.
• Essence: She’s using alcohol to stay numb.
• Conflict: She doesn’t want to drink, but does.
• Subtext: She needs some help to quit drinking.
• Hope/fear: We hope she finds peace.
INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sarah drinks vodka to dull her emotional pain. We see
flashbacks of some of the childhood memories that haunt her.• Scene Arc: She’s upset, gets drunk, everything is okay.
• Essence: Sarah drinks to forget.
• Conflict: She’s slowly killing herself.
• Subtext: She is in desperate need of help.
• Hope/fear: We are afraid she’ll die before she gets help.
INT. POTTERY REPAIR SHOP – DAY
Sarah is given an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The
zig zag pattern on it triggers emotions in Sarah and —BEGIN B&W FLASHBACK
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – INDIAN CLIFF DWELLING – NIGHT
A terrified 6-year-old little girl runs from a bearded, man.
We will call her YOUNG SARAH. We will call him BEAR.The girl wears a small pot shard with a zig zag design on her
necklace. The man catches the girl – throws her off a cliff.END FLASHBACK
INT. POTTERY REPAIR SHOP – DAY
The pot slips from Sarah’s hands, breaks. Sarah is mortified.
Her boss is pissed, lays her off, tells not to come back
until she gets sober. Sarah boxes up the pot and rushes out.• Scene Arc: Sarah is barely hanging on to her fragile
world shatters.• Essence: The little girl’s shard looks to be the same
shard as the woman in the PBS interview. The woman is Sarah.• Conflict: Why is Bear chasing the little girl?
• Subtext: Sarah knows something that Bear fears.
• Hope/fear: Was the little girl killed?
EXT. LIQUOR STORE – DAY
About to enter, Sarah hears broken shards clink in the box.
• Scene Arc: From needing a drink to heeding an omen.
• Essence: The broken pot has forced her to change course.
• Conflict: She needs a drink and the pot stopped her.
• Subtext: She fears and is desperately curious about the
broken pot.• Hope/fear: We fear something big is about to happen.
INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sarah researches the pot’s owner, JAMES MARCH, learns he is a
self-help author and hypnotist. She calls March, admits she
broke his pot, tells him she can fix it in a week.• Scene Arc: From afraid to curious.
• Essence: Does March hold a key to Sarah’s pst?
• Conflict: She fears the pot but fears her memories more.
• Subtext: She’s drawn to learn more about the pot’s owner.
• Hope/fear: We hope she will find some answers.
EXT./INT. POLICE CAR – NAVAJO INDIAN RESERVATION – DAY
Officer JOHNNY BENALLY drives in his police car. Notices the
Shaman on a mesa, a dust devil swirls near the man.• Scene Arc: From peaceful to tornadic activity.
• Essence: Establish Johnny as a cop and as something more.
• Conflict: Johnny seems to have an issue with the old man.
• Subtext: Johnny is afraid to make a choice-of-life-path.
• Hope/fear: Hope Johnny is s good guy. We fear the Shaman.
INT. NAVAJO NATION POLICE DEPARTMENT – DAY
Police Chief FRANK BENALLY lays Johnny off.
• Scene Arc: Johnny’s happy to he becomes angry.
• Essence: Johnny is being forced to choose his lift path.
• Conflict: Johnny/insubordination/gets suspended no pay.
• Subtext: Frank doesn’t want to lay Johnny off.
• Hope/fear: We hope Johnny can make his car payments.
EXT. SHAMAN’S HOGAN – NAVAJO RESERVATION – DAY
Shaman wants Johnny to be Shaman. Johnny refuses the call.
INT. PHOENIX RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Sarah and March meet for dinner. She returns the fixed pot,
reveals that she knows reveals he’s a self-help author and
hypnotist.• Scene Arc: From we know nothing to we know the movie.
• Essence: March knows a treatment that will to help Sarah.
• Conflict: She fears what she may learn.
• Subtext: March is egotistical, controlling, always right.
• Hope/fear: We fear for Sarah. We hope she’ll find peace.
EXT. PHOENIX RESTAURANT – NIGHT
A mugger in a ski mask, attempts to mug Sarah and March.
• Scene Arc: from safety to danger to safety
• Essence: March’s bionic arm is a powerful weapon.
• Conflict: March breaks the mugger’s jaw with a punch.
• Subtext: March has physical abilities, plays down his
heroism.• Hope/fear: We fear Sarah may quit her positive direction.
INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
March comes off as helpful, honest, reassuring.
• Scene Arc: Sarah has hope, then whes she starts to drink
her world crashes.• Essence: March piques Sarah’s interest in getting help
and her strongest memory yet rocks her world.• Conflict: She wants to call March, gets drunk instead.
• Subtext: Sarah is deathly afraid of learning the truth.
• Hope/fear: We hope Sarah will get back on the right path.
INSERT FLASHBACK
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – INDIAN GRAVE SITE – DAY
Young Sarah argues with Ben, her dad, about going to school.
• Scene Arc: from young Sarah angry to content
• Essence: Sarah’s shard necklace was give her by her dad.
• Conflict: Sarah argues about going to school.
• Subtext: Young Sarah is headstrong, loves her father.
• Hope/fear: We fear young Sarah is headed for danger.
INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
Sarah reads passages in March’s self-help book.
• Scene Arc: Sarah goes from fear to hope March can help.
• Essence: March uses hypnosis to treat Sarah.
• Conflict: Young Sarah kicks a human skull in the desert.
• Subtext: Young Sarah’s father is into something illegal.
• Hope/fear: We hope young Sarah will be safe.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
March hypnotizes Sarah. She recalls her father was an
archeologist and has some vague memories about armor and
weapons from Spanish Conquistadors hidden in a small cave.• Scene Arc: Sarah goes from fearful to wanting treatment.
• Essence: March claims he’s too busy to take Sarah on as a
patient but…• Conflict: If she does all he says, he’ll treat her.
• Subtext: March has taken control of Sarah.
• Hope/fear: We hope March will be able to help Sarah.
EXT. NAVAJO NATION – HORSE STABLE – DAY
Johnny takes a job, brings up the Sarah Cole cold case with
the stable manager. The manager lets slip that it had to do
with grave robbers and a rumor of some old treasure cave.• Scene Arc: Johnny is despondent to he is on a mission.
• Essence: Rumors of an ancient treasure cave are true.
• Conflict: Johnny digs into police matters he should leave
alone.• Subtext: Johnny wants to prove himself to his father.
• Hope/fear: We hope Johnny is successful.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
March hypnotizes Sarah, regresses her to meet YOUNG SARAH,
her 6-year-old self, and learn what trauma she experienced.• Scene Arc: March takes Sarah on a memory journey.
• Essence: March is interested in helping Sarah, learning
more about her past, wants total control of her treatment.• Conflict: Young Sarah is a handful, difficult to manage.
• Subtext: March and Sarah are on the same side.
• Hope/fear: We hope Sarah will find the answers she needs.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
Multiple sessions where Sarah learns details about her father
from young Sarah. March apologizes for a faulty diagnosis.• Scene Arc: From Sarah goes from being compliant to
fighting with March and young Sarah about her memories.• Essence: March is inserting his memories into Sarah’s.
• Conflict: Sarah believes March more than she does her
younger self.• Subtext: Sarah is growing a spine.
• Hope/fear: We fear she will backslide. We hope she won’t.
INT. SHAMAN’S HOGAN – NAVAJO RESERVATION – DAY
Johnny queries his grandfather, the Shaman, on the story
about Sarah Cole. Shaman tells him to go talk to his father.• Scene Arc: Johnny is confident to mixed up.
• Essence: The Shaman knows more than he is saying.
• Conflict: Johnny is angry with his father.
• Subtext: Johnny is going to bend the rules.
• Hope/fear: We hope Johnny succeeds in his quest.
INT. NAVAJO NATION POLICE DEPARTMENT – DAY
Johnny confronts his father about unsolved Sarah Cole case.
• Scene Arc: Johnny is unsure to confident.
• Essence: Johnny knows Frank was involved with the case.
• Conflict: Johnny is suspended and can’t do police work.
• Subtext: Johnny doesn’t care and will investigate anyway.
• Hope/fear: Hope he succeeds, fear he’ll get in trouble.
EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – SHAMAN’S MESA – DAY
Frank climbs to where the Shaman chants spirits, they argue.
• Scene Arc: Frank is confident to floundering.
• Essence: Frank and the Shaman both know about the case.
• Conflict: Frank allowed bad things to happen twenty years
ago and the Shaman shames Frank.• Subtext: Both men regret decisions they made 20 years
ago. Frank reveals he’s pround he’s put Johnny in harm’s way.• Hope/fear: We hope we learn what the hell is going on.
Mystery: FLASHBACK: Shaman and Frank transport little Sarah
to the hospital in Shaman’s old pickup.INT. PHOENIX BAR – NIGHT
Sarah confides to the bartender, wonders if March could be
wrong about her father and wonders if March is manipulating
her memories and her interaction with young Sarah.• Scene Arc: Sarah goes from numb to determined.
• Essence: Sarah doesn’t know which way to turn.
• Conflict: She attempts suicide.
• Subtext: She’s at the end of her rope. The bottom.
• Hope/fear: We hope she lives.
INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT
Sarah has OD’d. They pump her stomach.
• Scene Arc: She’s nearly dies, has a vision, and lives.
• Essence: She remembers her father telling her to only
“trust in herself.”• Conflict: Does she question March or become secretive.
• Subtext: Sarah is growing a spine again.
• Hope/fear: We hope she gets the answers she needs.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
TOMAS, the mugger wants more money from March to keep quiet
about March using Sarah for his “next book”.• Scene Arc: March is calm to overly anxious.
• Essence: March is being squeezed for money.
• Conflict: Tomas has a broken jaw and can’t work.
• Subtext: March wants to write a book about Sarah.
• Hope/fear: We hope Sarah won’t fly off the handle.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – LATER
Buoyed by her ER experience, Sarah surreptitiously questions
young Sarah while March asks questions of young Sarah.• Scene Arc: Sarah goes from being a worm to predator.
• Essence: Sarah isn’t sure about March’s honesty.
• Conflict: Young Sarah gives conflicting answers to March
and Sarah.• Subtext: Young Sarah is trying to help older Sarah.
• Hope/fear: We hope Sarah makes the right decisions.
EXT./INT. SHAMAN’S HOGAN – DAY
Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and
refreshes his knowledge of native and shamanistic lore.• Scene Arc: Johnny goes from rebellious to grateful.
• Essence: Johnny is appreciative of his Navajo roots.
• Conflict: The Shaman reveals Frank knows things about the
Sarah Cole case.• Subtext: Johnny pumps the Shaman, will investigate more.
• Hope/fear: We hope Johnny finds what he needs.
INT. NAVAJO NATION HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Johnny tracks down a nurse who cared for Sarah 20 years ago.
• Scene Arc: Johnny goes from unsure to positive.
• Essence: Frank was definitely involved with Sarah’s case.
• Conflict: He will have to confront his father.
• Subtext: He will push the boundaries of the case.
• Hope/fear: We fear he’ll be shut down, hope he succeeds.
INT. NAVAJO NATION POLICE DEPARTMENT – NIGHT
Johnny questions Frank, is angrily rebuked.
• Scene Arc: from peaceful to at each other’s throats.
• Essence: Frank is afraid of what Johnny will discover.
• Conflict: Frank wants Johnny to leave the case alone.
• Subtext: Frank WANTS Johnny to continue on the case.
• Hope/fear: We hope Johnny finds the answers.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – DAY
Before her next session, Sarah questions March about his true
motives. He admits he plans to write his next book about her.• Scene Arc: Sarah starts as inquisitive, ends as angry.
• Essence: Sarah is determined to stops her treatments.
• Conflict: She storms out of his office, breaks something.
• Subtext: March has her right where he wants her.
• Hope/fear: We hope March continues to treat her.
EXT./INT. NAVAJO NATION – HORSE STABLE – DAY
Johnny runs into Tomas at the stabl who has come into money.
• Scene Arc: Johnny is depressed, he wants to investigate.
• Essence: Johnny learns that March paid Tomas money.
• Conflict: Tomas was supposed to lead March and Sarah into
the desert but can’t because of his broken jaw.• Subtext: Johnny will take Tomas’s place.
• Hope/fear: We hope Johnny learns more about Sarah’s case.
EXT./INT. SARAH’S APARTMENT – DAY
March shows at Sarah’s apartment, convinces her the only way
for her to find peace is for them to revisit “the scene of
the crime”, a remote area on the Navajo reservation.• Scene Arc: Sarah resists to she is malleable.
• Essence: March has control over Sarah’s actions.
• Conflict: March uses a post-hypnotic suggestion to get
her to act against her will.• Subtext: March cares deeply about her and wants to help.
• Hope/fear: We hope March succeeds, fear for her safety.
INT. MARCH’S OFFICE – NIGHT
March is livid when Tomas calls and tells him a different
guide will lead him into the desert.• Scene Arc: March is calm, in control to angry, scared.
• Essence: March’s plan has been upended.
• Conflict: March promises to kill Tomas.
• Subtext: March isn’t the nice guy Sarah thinks he is.
• Hope/fear: We hope Sarah will be safe.
EXT. NAVAJO NATION – REMOTE DESERT – DAY
Johnny leads Sarah and March deep into inhospitable desert to
search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims
and tells Sarah about it. Sarah won’t believe him, is pissed.• Scene Arc: Sarah is content to upset and angry.
• Essence: Johnny has messed up March’s plans.
• Conflict: March tells Johnny to keep distance from Sarah.
• Subtext: Johnny knows March is hiding something.
• Hope/fear: we hope/fear Sarah won’t get hurt.
EXT. CAMP IN THE DESERT – NIGHT
March and Johnny argue. Sarah questions her memories.
• Scene Arc: Johnny becomes an outcast.
• Essence: March wants total control of Sarah’s treatment.
• Conflict: Johnny and March in a battle of words.
• Subtext: March has something up his sleeve.
• Hope/fear: A scorpion bites Johnny in his bedroll.
EXT. NAVAJO NATION – REMOTE DESERT – DAY
Sarah, March, and Johnny endure harsh desert conditions,
climb up perilous cliffs.• Scene Arc: Elation when they discover the treasure cave.
• Essence: This is the place Sarah will remember things.
• Conflict: March orders Sarah and Johnny to move rocks.
• Subtext: March wants to keep his eyes on both of them.
• Hope/fear: We fear for both Sarah and Johnny.
INT. THE TREASURE CAVE – DAY
Sarah realizes March has used her all along and that he is
actually Bear. And that he killed her father.• Scene Arc: From elation to fear.
• Essence: March needed Sarah’s memory to remember where
the cave was because he couldn’t. He lost his arm in the cave
and wandered in the desert for days.• Conflict: March must now kill both Sarah and Johnny.
• Subtext: March is insane.
• Hope/fear: We hope Sarah and Johnny will live.
DEEPER LAYERS: Sarah is helping Johnny realize his true
calling and he is helping her to heal.SHAMAN’S RESOLUTION: The Shaman sits on the mesa, chants. A
dust devil appears. At the same time, a dust devil appears at
the mouth of the cave and Sarah recognizes the spirit of her
father. March is distracted for a moment which gives Johnny a
chance to charge March.JOHNNY’S RESOLUTION: He charges March to protect Sarah and
gets shot by March. A glancing head wound. He will survive to
realize his future as both a cop AND as the shaman.SARAH’S RESOLUTION: Sarah has put the pieces of herself back
together.
She grabs a Conquistador shield, uses it to deflect March’s
bullets, get close and fights him to the death. She will need
time but now can allow herself to love and be loved and enjoy
life as a complete person.MARCH’S RESOLUTION: March fights with Sarah and loses. He
slips over the edge of the cliff, desperately hangs on with
his bionic arm – he begs for his life, plays with Sarah’s
mind. His fake arm pops loose and he falls to his death from
the same cliff he threw Sarah from twenty years before.Mystery: Epilogue – Sarah leaves her father’s half of the
shard for Johnny to find in his hospital bed. We are led to
believe that Johnny and Sarah will hook up in the future –
but we’re not sure.Mystery: Closing scene: March’s spirit (chindi/dust devil)
tries to put back together his arm and hand bones that were
left on the cliff that he fell from. His chindi will wander
forever and never find peace.FADE OUT.
-
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Intriguing Moments
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: The last two lessons have really helped me to dig deeper into my story and characters and find the intrigue that will keep the audience riveted to the movie.
OPENING / MARCH INCITING INCIDENT:
A black-gloved, bionic hand taps a laptop keyboard key. A PBS interview with Sarah Cole, a young woman with amnesia, appears on the screen. Sarah, we learn has a reputation as an expert pottery fixer. We also learn she has no memory of her childhood due to a traumatic accident when she was six years old. The hand WHINES as black-gloved fingers tap keys, manipulate the video, zoom in on Sarah’s face as she brushes back the hair at her temple to display an old, jagged scar. FREEZE FRAME.Intrigue: Who is the black-gloved person?
Mystery: What does this PBS replay have to do with the story?ACT 1 SARAH’S PRESENT WORLD: A small shop in NYC. We see the world of twenty-six-year-old pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. Her boss praises her for her great work. Sarah is meek, seems numb.
Intrigue: Who is Sarah and why should we care about her?
SARAH ACTION 1 and 2: She demonstrates her gift as she lays out small, broken pieces of pottery in their order of being put back together. It’s quick and easy for her. She arranges pieces quickly, does the final arrangement in her head. She finishes up one job and starts on another.
Intrigue and Mystery: Why is she working so hard? Why is she being so hard on herself?
DEEPER LAYER: Sarah makes a comment to a co-worker about idleness is the Devil’s playground. She has to keep busy, makes a motion to wave the memories away, “so I don’t remember.” When asked what, “Just stuff.” This is why she must keep her mind focused on her work.
Mystery: What is Sarah trying to avoid?
SARAH ACTION 3: After she leaves work, she makes sure no one notices as she enters her favorite liquor store. Goes home and drinks vodka to dull pain of the flashes of childhood memories that haunt her.
SARAH’S INCITING INCIDENT:
At work, Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The zig zag pattern on the pot triggers powerful, incapacitating emotions –Hidden Identity: Who is Sarah in reality? What is her problem?
YOUNG SARAH ACTION 1 (flashback in B&W) A terrified, 6-year-old little girl runs from a bearded, bear of a man in the desert at night near an ancient Anasazi cliff dwelling. The girl wears a small pot shard with a unique zig zag design hangs on her necklace. The man catches the girl – throws her off a cliff.
Intrigue: Who is this young girl? What part does she play in the story?
SARAH ACTION 4: Older Sarah is in shock, the pot slips from her hands. It shatters. She’s mortified.
Mystery: Why is Sarah affected so deeply by an ancient Southwest Indian pot?
DEEPER LAYER: Sarah brushes back her hair, has a big, jagged scar on her temple. The small shard that hangs on Sarah’s necklace has the same zig zag pattern as the pattern that is on the pot – and the same pattern as the shard necklace that was worn by the little girl in the flashback.
Superior position: The young girl in the flashback is Sarah at a younger age.
REVEAL: The little girl in the flashback and older Sarah are the same person.SARAH ACTION 4.5: Sarah researches the pot’s owner, JAMES MARCH, learns he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She calls him, admits she broke his pot, tells him she can fix it in a week. Asks where it is from.
Intrigue: March forgives Sarah about the pot. Says it was given to him by an old friend who passed away and it means a lot to him, supposedly is from someplace on the Navajo reservation.
Covert agenda: March offers to meet Sarah for dinner in a one week and pick up his pot.
Dilemma: Sarah works on the pot/has problems with it/memories haunt her day and night, drinks to excess in order to forget, shows up late at work, is told by her boss that March requested her services based on the great “fixer” story about her in the PBS Interview.
Dilemma: Sarah tells her boss she “needs time” to fix his pot, is told when she finishes pot to take as much time as she needs. Her boss doesn’t want her back until she gets herself sober. She buys more booze, cries painful tears as she drinks to get drunk.
Intrigue: Johnny drives in his police car on the Navajo rez, sees the Shaman on a mesa, a dust devil swirls near him. Johnny mutters, “Talking with the spirits again.” Johnny drives to Navajo Police station.
Conspiracy: The Shaman conspires with police chief, Frank, (Johnny’s father) to get Johnny laid off so that Johnny is forced to get involved in a cause bigger than himself – to become the new shaman.
Cover up: Frank tells Johnny that he must cut the hours for the newest cop – Johnny.
Dilemma: Johnny pushes back, complains, mentions he solved a tough case last week, and wants to work on the “Sarah Cole” cold case from twenty years ago. It’s the only case his father, Frank, never solved. Says some of the facts don’t add up, like who dropped the girl off at the Navajo hospital?
Conflict. Frank tells Johnny it’s old news. Forget it.
Superior Position: Johnny accuses Frank of hiding something. Why? Johnny gets insubordinate and…
FRANK ACTION 2: Frank suspends him without pay for six months. How am I gonna pay my car payment?
A cop buddy of Johnny’s drops him at Shaman’s hogan. Shaman wonders where Johnny’s new truck is.
Intrigue and Covert Agenda: Since Johnny has no job, Shaman presses Johnny to become next Shaman. “You are a Benally and it means…” Johnny cuts him off, “Grandson. I know.” Shaman, “It is your DUTY to be next Shaman.” Johnny, “Who decided that?” The Shaman just stares.
JOHNNY ACTION 3: Johnny refuses the call; says he’s going to solve an old cold case and then his father will have to bring him back onto the force. He tells Shaman the real reason he came out: to borrow Shaman’s rusty, old pickup. His new truck was repossessed, and he needs transportation.
Mystery: Sarah and March meet for dinner at his hotel with new pot. March reveals that he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She knows. They talk, he suspects something is bothering her. She admits she can’t remember much of anything before the age of six – pulls back her hair to reveal the scar on her temple. March covers his shock, queries her about any treatment she’s had. “Everything,” she replies, and ticks off the items. “Ah,” he replies and…
Intrigue: March offers to walk her home.
On the sidewalk, a mugger named Tomas wears a ski mask, tries to mug Sarah and March.
MARCH ACTION 3: March throws a right hook and breaks Tomas’ jaw with his bionic hand. Sarah is shocked but at the same time, relieved and grateful that March saved her. Tomas runs off. March acts shaken and reluctantly admits he’s glad he has the bionic arm. It saved both their lives.
Covert Agenda: March plays down his heroism but at the same time, consoles Sarah at her place, he’s worried about her. He senses there’s a lot going on inside her. She denies it. He says, “I have found that sometimes we need to go to school with our past selves so we can learn what makes us tick today.”
He leaves. Sarah pours a drink – her glass shakes badly, and she has a flashback of her six-year-old self, arguing with her father, Ben, about him wanting her to start school. Ben is aware that Sarah just wants to always be with him. He breaks a shard in half and gives her half (her current necklace) and he jams the other half in the pocket of his jeans. The memory is slash cut as…
SARAH ACTION 5: Sarah jams on her ear buds, guzzles her drink, tells the memories to leave her alone.
Covert Agenda: March calls next day to check in on Sarah. She is reading one of his books that was delivered the night before, “The Soul Reclaimer”. She is intrigued that he has used hypnosis to help people remember their past lives. March says he feels blessed that he can help people “like her” who grew weary of constant emotional pain. “Sometimes,” he says, “I find it helps to get inside and kick the skull around a bit to free up the memories so we can deal with them.”
Intrigue: Sarah has an instant flashback of kicking a human skull like a soccer ball in the desert. Another instant flashback of young Sarah crawling into a cave, lighting a cigarette lighter so she can see. Her face reveals awe. Sarah snaps back to reality, sweating, scared.
Covert Agenda: March asks if everything is all right. She says, “There was a cave. I’m afraid of it.” He replies, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. Wasn’t my quote but I wish it was. Joseph Campbell said it.”
Mystery: Sarah repeats, “The cave I fear…oh, shit.” She wants to, needs to find out but she’s so afraid. She talks of all the people who have tried to help her, diagnose her. She doesn’t think she can be hypnotized …” March says anyone who WANTS to be hypnotized CAN be. Sarah picks up her drink glass, looks at his book. He senses she’s trying to make a decision. “You put my pot back together. I feel you can put yourself back together also.” Sarah pulls the book to her bosom, tears come. “Do you think you can help me?” He looks happy. He thinks a moment, inspects his repaired pot, says he’s not sure. “Please?” He says to show his gratitude for the fixed pot, looks at his schedule book (it’s empty), he’d be happy to fit her in tomorrow at ten AM for what he calls a “trial session”. If it goes well, he’d be happy to refer her to another professional who can help lead her out of the wilderness. Sarah sees a flashback of remote, desolate desert. She shuts her eyes and it goes away. She nods, quietly says thank you.
Covert Agenda: In his office, March hypnotizes Sarah. She recalls her father was an archeologist and has some vague memories about armor and weapons from Spanish Conquistadors hidden in a small cave.
Hidden Identity: March has led her throughout the session and has, “suggested” what Sarah has remembered. He is setting her up so he can control her.
Dilemma: Encouraged and comfortable with March, Sarah hesitantly wonders if March could help her remember more details about her nightmares and the treasure cave in her childhood. March says he is too busy to take her on as a new patient. He’s about to start to write his next book and…
Dilemma: Sarah is damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t succeed: She begs.
Mystery and Intrigue: Sarah hysterically begs and pleads for March to treat her. For the first time in her life, she feels that someone can help her.
Secret and Covert Agenda: March takes Sarah on as a client if she agrees to do whatever he says is necessary for her to remember.
Intrigue: Johnny takes a job at the riding stables, gets ribbed for it by stable hands, there was an opening because one of the workers got injured. Johnny tells the guys he knows they are holding drugs. This shuts them up. He asks stable manager, Eddie, about old Sarah Cole case. Eddie lets slip it had to do with grave robbers and a rumor of some old treasure cave. Eddie realizes he’s said too much.
Covert Action: March uses hypnosis to regress Sarah to meet YOUNG SARAH, her 6-year-old self to learn about her childhood and the whatever the trauma was that she experienced. We meet Ben and Bear during the session. Young Sarah kicks a skull in the desert.
Intrigue and Mystery: Sarah proves to be tough to handle, both for March and for Sarah. It’s a scary session for young Sarah, March and older Sarah. Older Sarah wants to bail but March reminds her that she must allow him to control both the hypnosis and questions of her younger self.
Dilemma: Sarah relents, agrees to let March steer the boat.
Secret: After another session, when Sarah comes out of it, March informs her that she revealed to him under hypnosis that her father was a cruel man, a grave robber who dug up Indian graves and sold his booty to collectors. Sarah is devastated, again wants to stop the sessions. March convinces her to continue, assures her that things will get better.
Covert Action: March has now literally taken control of Sarah’s memory.
Intrigue: March asks Sarah (under hypnosis) if she remembers anyone with her father in the desert? What did he look like, sound like? He is covering his tracks, so she doesn’t suspect his real identity.
Mystery: Sarah wakes from another session and “remembers” she disobeyed her father and somehow it led to his death. She feels it can’t be true. But March’s interpretation of the event heightens Sarah’s guilt and her feeling that she is responsible for her father’s death. Sarah’s younger self seems to also confirm this. Sarah is devastated. It’s her low point. She runs from March’s office.
Cover up: March’s psychopathy and greed causes him to become careless and move too fast. He inadvertently mixes his memories in with Sarah’s memories during a hypnosis session. But he covers his mistakes – or does he? He has left “shards”, clues for Sarah to find.
Superior Position: Sarah suspects something isn’t Kosher with March’s treatment and her memories.
Conspiracy: Armed with info that he knows the treasure cave exists, Johnny queries his grandfather, the Shaman, on the story about Sarah Cole. Shaman tells him to go talk to his father, Frank. Johnny is angry and says he has nothing to say to his father.
Coverup: The Shaman demands that Frank come clean with Johnny about what Frank knows regarding the history of Sarah and March.
Hidden Identity: Frank goes ballistic, yells at Shaman/his father and claims to have done the right thing 20 years ago, says those two grave robbers were not Diné and they got what they deserved. And the other one? The young girl: Frank doesn’t answer, tells the shaman to take care of the spirit world and Frank will take care of the police work. The Shaman SHAMES FRANK.
Hidden Identity: Frank is proud of Johnny and steering his son to investigate the Sarah Cole story but at the same time, he is providing obstacles for Johnny, which will force him to dig deep and prove himself as a cop also. Frank is going against his own father and his policeman oath to help Johnny.
Mystery: FLASHBACK: Shaman and Frank transport little Sarah to the hospital in Shaman’s old pickup.
Superior Position: Sarah confides to a bartender, wonders if March could be wrong about her father. She even wonders if March is somehow manipulating her memories and her interaction with young Sarah although she can’t imagine why he would do so. He seems like such a good guy.
Dilemma: Hung over the toilet, Sarah remembers her father’s words from a previous session when he said, “Listen to everyone but trust only in yourself.” She takes a hand full of pills, attempts to kill herself.
Coverup: March breaks into Sarah’s apartment with the help of the manager, is frantic but it is for the wrong reasons. If Sarah dies, he loses any chance of finding the cave. He calls 911.
Intrigue: In the ER, Sarah has a flashback about being dropped off at the hospital by the Shaman 20 years ago. She sees March standing over her in real time. She sees the Shaman standing over her in black and white. Another face enters the picture in black and white. It is Frank. He’s with the Shaman.
Intrigue and Superior Position: Tomas, Sarah’s “mugger”, shows up and wants more money from March to keep quiet about March using Sarah for his “next book”. March gives him $10,000 cash to keep his mouth shut. Tells him to make sure he’s there at the stable to guide them into the desert.
Scheme: Buoyed by her experience in the ER, at her next hypnosis session, Sarah surreptitiously asks questions of young Sarah while March asks questions of young Sarah. Oder Sarah uses young Sarah to try and get into March’s head, learn what he knows and if in fact he is manipulating her. March makes several more mistakes here using his memories instead of Sarah’s. We as the audience, are rewinding what we’ve learned thus far and we suspect that something is about to happen.
Covert Agenda: Disillusioned and unsure what to do with the rest of his life, Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and refreshes his native and shamanistic lore. The Shaman helps Johnny explore his spiritual roots and not-too-subtly drops suggestions to make Johnny commit to the path as future shaman. Johnny pushes back and asks about a treasure cave and the Shaman reluctantly reveals it is a real place and that a spiritual tragedy occurred there. Frank’s name is mentioned by the Shaman.
Coverup: Johnny checks out the hospital, finds the nurse who cared for Sarah 20 years ago. She remembers the case because it caused a rift between his father and grandfather. She’s tight lipped about who dropped off Sarah at the hospital. He begs, says she’s got to give him something to go on. She stares at him, “Talk to Chindi.” He’s confused, “Dust devils?” She continues, “Or try your father.”
Dilemma: Johnny can’t stop the cop in him and visits Frank, asks again about the girl who got dropped off at the hospital 20 years ago and is told to leave the story alone and reminded he’s been suspended. He’s angry, “I want to solve the case and can’t because I’m shoveling horse shit for the next six months!” “Leave the Cole case alone or that’s what you’ll be doing the rest of your life!”
Scheme: Before her next session, Sarah questions March about his true motives. March finally comes “clean”; admits he plans to write his next book about her. She’s pissed off and walks out of his office.
Scheme: March looks sad and we think it’s because he really cares about Sarah’s welfare.
Intrigue and Superior Position: Johnny meets Tomas at the stable. Tomas still has a broken jaw. He’s come into money, quit his job and is picking up his stuff. Always the cop, Johnny asks where he got the money from, yanks a baggie of coke from Tomas’ shirt pocket. Tomas begs Johnny not to turn him in, says that a guy paid him just to make him look good in front of a woman. A guy named March and some woman named Cole are supposed to go out on a weekend ride to look for something. Tomas was supposed to guide them but is finished working for March. Johnny is astounded: Is this THE Sarah Cole?
Mystery: He shows at Sarah’s apartment, convinces her the only way for her to find peace is for them to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote area on the Navajo reservation. Sarah refuses. He uses a post-hypnotic suggestion to make her remember the song she sang as a child with her father.
Scheme: Sarah reluctantly agrees to go into the desert with March. She isn’t sure what to believe but something has changed in her and she is now passionate about learning the truth. (See Sarah later realizing the song lyrics are incorrect.)
Superior Position: March is livid when Tomas tells him another guide will be taking him into the desert, Johnny. Tomas tells him it’s his own fault, “You shouldn’t have broken my jaw, asshole!”
Mystery: The Shaman tells Johnny to expect chindi to be with him in the desert. Johnny scoffs, kind of. Says to keep his medicine bag close. Johnny doesn’t want to believe grandfather, but we know he does.
Conspiracy: Johnny leads Sarah and March deep into inhospitable desert to a search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah doesn’t believe him and gets angry.
Mystery: Sarah remembers the song lyrics March sang to her are different than what she remembers. She sings the lyrics to Johnny as they ride.
JOHNNY ACTION 7: RED HERRING – Johnny gives her reasons why March just might be who he says he is.
Secret: March orders Johnny to stay away from Sarah. Johnny holds his tongue but is pissed.
JOHNNY ACTION 8: He gets bitten by a scorpion that “found” its way into his bedroll at night. He goes off my himself. From his own bedroll, March notices but does nothing. Johnny uses native remedies to cure himself. Johnny now realizes his survival will be due to his reawakened shamanistic knowledge.
Mystery: While meditating early morning, Johnny sweats profusely, still fighting off the scorpion bite. He’s nearly back to healthy. He suddenly hears a buzz. Turns out it is an electric razor. March is shaving his head and heavy 5:00 beard. March is surprised to see Johnny, stammers, apologizes for being rough on him about Sarah, asks Johnny to keep his secret. Now March looks worried.
Scheme: Sarah, March, and Johnny endure harsh desert conditions, climb up perilous cliffs.
Covert Agenda: Sarah rediscovers the desert cave in her childhood memory.
March tells Sarah and Johnny to open the cave entrance. His fake arm is an albatross.
Mystery: Johnny puts the pieces together: Tomas, Sarah’s memory of the cave, inconsistencies of March, Frank’s reluctance to discuss the little girl in the hospital cold case, his grandfather/shaman and hints the man made and Johnny’s own questions and guesswork about Sarah and March. Johnny realizes the only man who could have sealed the cave with Sarah’s father in it must have been his own father who sealed the cave, took little Sarah to the hospital and dropped her off with no explanation. He deduces that March must have somehow escaped the cave and eluded Frank in the desert to become the current March; a self-help author and celebrity hypnotist.
DEEPER LAYERS: Sarah is helping Johnny realize his true calling and he is helping her to heal.
Intrigue: Sarah realizes March has used her all along – and that March murdered her father.
Covert Action: Trapped, March pulls a small pistol from his boot. He confesses about having to cut off his own arm, but he wasn’t hunting. It was to escape the cave. He wandered in the desert for days. Like Sarah, he couldn’t remember where the cave was. He needed her memories to lead him back. His wild eyes reveal his insanity as he surveys the treasure trove of Conquistador armor and strongboxes.
SHAMAN’S RESOLUTION: The Shaman sits on the mesa, chants. A dust devil appears. At the same time, a dust devil appears at the mouth of the cave and Sarah recognizes the spirit of her father. March is distracted for a moment which gives Johnny a chance to charge March.
JOHNNY’S RESOLUTION: He charges March to protect Sarah and gets shot by March. A glancing headwound. He will survive to realize his future is as a cop AND as the shaman.
SARAH’S RESOLUTION: Sarah has put the pieces of herself back together. She grabs a Conquistador shield, uses it to deflect March’s bullets, get close and fights him to the death. She will need time but now can allow herself to love and be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.
MARCH’S RESOLUTION: March fights with Sarah and loses. He slips over the edge of the cliff, desperately hangs on with his bionic arm – he begs for his life, plays with Sarah’s mind. His fake arm pops loose and he falls to his death from the same cliff he threw Sarah from twenty years before.
Mystery: Epilogue – Sarah leaves her father’s half of the shard for Johnny to find in his hospital bed. We are led to believe that Johnny and Sarah will hook up in the future – but we’re not sure.
Mystery: Closing scene: March’s spirit (chindi/dust devil) tries to put back together his arm and hand bones that were left on the cliff that he fell from. His chindi will wander forever and never find peace.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Emotional Moments
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is:
ACT 1:
Joy: Everything Sarah does in the shop demonstrates professionalism, dedication, and competence.
Frustration: Sarah must keep busy or else fragments of childhood memories will return and haunt her.
Helplessness: When she leaves work, she buys vodka, and drinks to dull pain of the memories.
Surprise: Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The zig zag pattern on the pot triggers powerful, incapacitating emotions.
Shock: Sarah is in shock, the pot slips from her hands. It shatters. She’s mortified.
Terror: Young Sarah runs from a bearded, bear of a man in the desert at night near an ancient Anasazi cliff dwelling. The man catches the girl and throws her off a cliff.
Surprise: Sarah is the little girl in the flashback.
Depression: Sarah admits she broke March’s pot, tells him she can fix it in a week. Asks where it is from.
Forgiveness: March forgives Sarah about breaking the pot.
Interest: March offers to meet Sarah for dinner in a week and pick up his pot.
Frustration: Sarah has problems repairing the pot.
Dilemma: Sarah tells her boss she “needs time” to March’s his pot. She’s told when she finishes pot to take as much time as she needs. Her boss doesn’t want her back until she gets herself sober.
Awe: Johnny drives his police car on the Navajo rez, sees the Shaman on a mesa, a dust devil swirls near him. Johnny mutters, “Talking with the spirits again.”
Anger: The Shaman conspires with police chief, Frank, (Johnny’s father) to get Johnny laid off.
Frustration: Frank tells Johnny that he must cut the hours for the newest cop – and that is Johnny.
Anger: Johnny pushes back, wants to work on the “Sarah Cole” cold case from twenty years ago.
Frustration: Frank tells Johnny it’s old news. Forget it.
Failure: Johnny accuses Frank of hiding something about the case.
Dilemma: Frank suspends him without pay for six months. How am I gonna pay my car payment?
Bonding: Shaman pressures Johnny to become next Shaman.
Frustration: Johnny refuses the call; says he’s going to solve an old cold case and then his father will have to bring him back onto the force.
Hope: Sarah and March meet for dinner at his hotel with new pot.
Surprise: On the sidewalk, a mugger named Tomas wears a ski mask, tries to mug Sarah and March.
Surprise: March throws a right hook and breaks Tomas’ jaw with his bionic hand.
Pride: March plays down his heroism but at the same time, consoles Sarah at her place, he’s worried about her.
ACT 2:
Interest: Johnny takes a job at the riding stables, asks stable manager, Eddie, about old Sarah Cole case.
Success: March uses hypnosis to regress Sarah to meet YOUNG SARAH, her 6-year-old self to learn about her childhood and the whatever the trauma was that she experienced. We meet Ben and Bear during the session. Young Sarah kicks a skull in the desert.
Amusement: Young Sarah (via hypnosis) proves to be tough to handle, both for March and for Sarah.
Inadequacy: Sarah agrees to let March conduct her sessions as he sees fit.
Fear: Sarah is informed by March that her father was a cruel man, a grave robber who dug up Indian graves and sold his booty to collectors.
Loneliness: March takes complete control of Sarah’s memories.
Fear: Sarah wakes from another session and “remembers” she disobeyed her father and somehow it led to his death. She runs from March’s office.
Pride: March’s ego takes over.
Betrayal: March’s psychopathy and greed causes him to become careless and move too fast. He inadvertently mixes his memories in with Sarah’s memories during a hypnosis session.
Suspicion: Sarah suspects that something isn’t Kosher with March’s treatment and her memories.
Wound: Johnny queries his grandfather, the Shaman, on the story about Sarah Cole. Shaman tells him to go talk to his father, Frank. Johnny is angry and says he has nothing to say to his father.
Anger: The Shaman demands that Frank come clean with Johnny about what Frank knows regarding the history of Sarah and March.
Anger: Frank goes ballistic, yells at Shaman and claims to have done the “right” thing 20 years ago.
Surprise: Frank is proud of Johnny and steering his son to investigate the Sarah Cole story, which will force Johnny to dig deep and to also prove himself as a cop.
Surprise: Shaman and Frank transport little Sarah to the hospital in Shaman’s old pickup.
ACT 3:
Helplessness: Sarah confides to a bartender, wonders if March could be wrong about her father, wonders if March is somehow manipulating her memories and her interaction with young Sarah.
Surprise: Sarah remembers her father’s words from a previous session when he said, “Listen to everyone but trust only in yourself.”
Surprise: Sarah takes a hand full of pills, attempts to kill herself.
Overwhelmed: March breaks into Sarah’s apartment with the help of the manager, is frantic but it is for the wrong reasons. If Sarah dies, he loses any chance of finding the cave. He calls 911, is worried.
Surprise: In the ER, Sarah has a flashback about being dropped off at the hospital by the Shaman 20 years ago. Another face enters the picture in black and white. It is Frank. He is with the Shaman.
Surprise: Tomas, Sarah’s “mugger”, shows up and wants more money from March to keep quiet about March using Sarah for his “next book”. March gives him $10,000 cash to keep his mouth shut. Tells him to make sure he’s there at the stable to guide Sarah and him into the desert.
Dilemma: Sarah surreptitiously asks questions of young Sarah while March asks questions of young Sarah. Oder Sarah uses young Sarah to try and get into March’s head, learn what he knows and if in fact he is manipulating her.
Frustration: Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and refreshes his native and shamanistic lore. The Shaman helps Johnny explore his spiritual roots and not-too-subtly drops suggestions to make Johnny commit to the path as future shaman. Johnny pushes back and asks about a treasure cave and the Shaman reluctantly reveals it is a real place and that a spiritual tragedy occurred there. Frank’s name is mentioned by the Shaman.
Interest: Johnny finds the nurse who cared for Sarah 20 years ago. She remembers the case because it caused a rift between his father and grandfather.
Inspiration: Johnny can’t stop the cop in him and visits Frank, asks again about the girl who got dropped off at the hospital 20 years ago and is told to leave the story alone and reminded he’s been suspended. He’s angry, “I want to solve the case and can’t because I’m shoveling horse shit for the next six months!” “Leave the Cole case alone or that’s what you’ll be doing the rest of your life!”
Anger: Before their next session, Sarah questions March about his true motives. March comes “clean” with her; admits he plans to write his next book about her. She’s pissed off and walks out of his office.
Dilemma: March looks sad and we think it’s because he really cares about Sarah’s welfare. But no…
Moral issue: Johnny runs into Tomas at the stable. Tomas still has a broken jaw. He’s come into money, quit his job and is just picking up his stuff. Always the cop, Johnny asks where he got the money from and pulls a baggie of coke from Tomas’ shirt pocket. Tomas begs Johnny not to turn him in, tells Johnny that a guy paid him just to make him look good in front of a woman. A guy named March and some woman named Cole are supposed to go out on a weekend ride to look for something. Tomas was supposed to guide them but is finished working for March. Johnny is astounded: Is this THE Sarah Cole?
Bonding: March shows at Sarah’s apartment, convinces her the only way for her to find peace is for them to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote area on the Navajo reservation. Sarah refuses. He uses a post-hypnotic suggestion to make her remember the song she sang as a child with her father.
Helplessness: Sarah reluctantly agrees to go into the desert with March. She isn’t sure what to believe but something has changed in her…
Inspiration: Sarah suddenly is passionate about learning the truth. (See Sarah later realizing the song lyrics are incorrect.)
Anger: March is livid when Tomas tells him another guide will be taking him into the desert, Johnny. Tomas tells him it’s his own fault, “You shouldn’t have broken my jaw, asshole!”
Awe: Shaman tells Johnny to expect chindi to be with him in the desert. Johnny scoffs, kind of. He doesn’t want to believe his grandfather, but we know he does.
ACT 4:
Courage: Johnny leads Sarah and March deep into inhospitable desert to a search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah doesn’t believe him and gets angry.
Joy and Fear: Sarah remembers the song lyrics March sang to her are different than what she remembers. She sings the lyrics to Johnny as they ride.
Success: Johnny gives Sarah reasons why March just might be who he says he is.
Anger: March orders Johnny to stay away from Sarah. Johnny holds his tongue but is pissed.
Dilemma: Johnny gets bitten by a rattlesnake that “found” its way into his bedroll at night. He goes off my himself. From his own bedroll, March notices but does nothing. Johnny uses native remedies to cure himself. Johnny now realizes his survival will be due to his reawakened shamanistic knowledge.
Dilemma: March tries to “shave” away his old self with an electric razor.
Fear and Surprise: While meditating early morning, Johnny sweats profusely, still fighting off the snake bite. He’s nearly back to healthy. He suddenly hears a buzz. Turns out it is an electric razor. March is shaving his head and heavy 5:00 beard. March is surprised to see Johnny, stammers, apologizes for being rough on him about Sarah, asks Johnny to keep his secret. Now March looks worried.
Bonding: Sarah, March, and Johnny endure harsh desert conditions, climb up perilous cliffs.
Joy: Sarah rediscovers the desert cave in her childhood memory.
Interest: March tells Sarah and Johnny to open the cave entrance. His fake arm is an albatross.
Success: Johnny puts the pieces together: Tomas, Sarah’s memory of the cave, inconsistencies of March, Frank’s reluctance to discuss the little girl in the hospital cold case, his grandfather/shaman and hints the man made and Johnny’s own questions and guesswork about Sarah and March. Johnny realizes the only man who could have sealed the cave with Sarah’s father in it must have been his own father who sealed the cave, took little Sarah to the hospital, and dropped her off with no explanation. He deduces that March must have somehow escaped the cave and eluded Frank in the desert to become the current March, a self-help author and celebrity hypnotist.
Wound: Sarah is helping Johnny realize his true calling and he is helping her to heal.
Sadness: Sarah realizes March has used her all along – and that March murdered her father.
Betrayal: March pulls a small pistol from his boot. He confesses about having to cut off his own arm, but he wasn’t hunting. It was to escape the cave. He wandered in the desert for days. Like Sarah, he couldn’t remember where the cave was. He needed her memories to lead him back. His wild eyes reveal his insanity as he surveys the treasure trove of Conquistador armor and strongboxes.
Redemption: The shaman sits on the mesa, chants. A dust devil appears…
Surprise: At the same time, a dust devil appears at the mouth of the cave and Sarah recognizes the spirit of her father. March is distracted for a moment which gives Johnny a chance to charge March.
Surprise: Johnny charges March to protect Sarah and gets shot by March. A glancing headwound. He will survive to realize his future is as a cop AND as the shaman.
Courage: Sarah has put the pieces of herself back together. She grabs a Conquistador shield, uses it to deflect March’s bullets, get close and fights him to the death. She will need time but now can allow herself to love and be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.
Emptiness: March fights with Sarah and loses. He slips over the edge of the cliff, desperately hangs on with his bionic arm – he begs for his life, plays with Sarah’s mind. His fake arm pops loose and he falls to his death from the same cliff he threw Sarah from twenty years before.
Forgiveness: Sarah leaves her father’s half of the shard for Johnny to find in his hospital bed. We are led to believe that Johnny and Sarah will hook up in the future – but we’re not sure. Sarah forgives herself.
Closing scene: March’s spirit (chindi/dust devil) tries to put back together his arm and hand bones that were left on the cliff that he fell from. His chindi will wander forever and never find peace.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Reveals!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Many of the setups and reveals are already in my outline. I have a complex story with multiple character arcs. This is a great lesson because it forced me to lay out a list of the setups and reveals so I can clearly see how they all work together. I know this list will likely change in the coming lessons.
Genre: Thriller
ACT 1:
Act 1 Setup: On the PBS interview in the opening, Sarah says the shard on her necklace is the one thing that connects her to her past but is also a millstone that psychologically weighs her down. She only remembers she was wearing it when she was dumped off at the hospital with a severe head wound as a child.
Act 3 Reveal: Young Sarah remembers that the shard is half of a shard broken into two pieces by her father, Ben. Ben kept the other piece.Act 1 Setup: Sarah works overly hard, concentrates on her work. She has low self-esteem and always seems to be in a constant state of fear.
Act 1 (or 2) Reveal: Sarah stays busy at work to keep at bay the memories that haunt her.Act 3Setup: Sarah has fleeting visions of her father’s agonized face in some dark place.
Act 3Reveal: Sarah feels responsible for her father’s death and is afraid to learn the truth.Act 1Setup: March always shows up in a white suit, clean-shaven and with a shaved head.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny discovers March using an electric razor to shave his head, arms, and heavy five o’clock shadow. Why would he have to do that?Act 1Setup: Ashamed to admit he lost his arm in a “deer hunting accident”. He was on a rock outcropping, scouting for mule deer, fell, his arm caught in a crevice when the rocks moved and jammed his arm tight, no way out. March begged the ER doc for someone can go back, retrieve his arm. The doctor comments to a nurse that the coyotes will take care of the severed arm. His bionic arm is a good replacement and he’s grateful, but he feels “incomplete”. He reveals a bit of himself here for Sarah to see, showing his vulnerability, honesty, and weakness to make her feel sympathy for him. But at the same time, he reveals his FLAW. HE IS DRIVE TO FIND HIS LONG-LOST HAND AND ARM BONES.
Act 4Reveal: March blurts the true story about how he had to cut off his own arm to survive as he plunges into insanity, confesses he needed Sarah’s help to re- locate the treasure cave.Act 1Setup: March claims he’s too busy to take Sarah on as a client.
Act 1Reveal: When Sarah cries and begs for him to help her, March relents. He’s hooked her.Act 1Setup: Under hypnosis, Sarah gets into an argument with her younger self about who is responsible for Ben’s (Sarah’s father) disappearance and possible death.
Act 3Reveal: Sarah realizes that if she (young Sarah) isn’t responsible, someone else must be.Act 1Setup: Under hypnosis, Sarah remembers being thrown off a cliff as a child by “the Bear”, a man with bushy, black hair and thick beard who worked with her father.
Act 4Reveal: Sarah realizes the Bear is March.Act 1Setup: March plants a seed in Sarah’s mind, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
Act 3Reveal: Sarah is driven to face her fears and seek answers about the death of her father.Act 1Setup: March quips that sometimes in order to remember things, a person needs to get inside their skull and “kick the old memories around”.
Act 3Reveal: Sarah remembers she played soccer in the desert with an unearthed human skull.Act 1Setup: Johnny calls out the chief of police, his father, Frank, for not wanting to solve a cold case.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny realizes his father was involved in the case as a young cop and did something bad that he feels remorse over.Act 1Setup: Frank (Johnny’s father and the Chief of Police lays Johnny off, then suspends him for insubordination.
Act 4Reveal: Revealed in the resolution, Frank conspired with the Shaman to get Johnny into the desert and on Sarah’s cold case so Johnny could arrest March for the 20-year-old murder of Sarah’s father.Act 1Setup: The Shaman conspires with Frank to force Johnny to choose his correct path in life.
Act 4Reveal: Revealed in the resolution – Johnny decides to be both a cop AND a Shaman.Act 1Setup: The Shaman warns Johnny about a shapeshifter, chindi (dust devils) and “accidentally” lets slip that the rumor about a treasure cave is real.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny realizes that March is the shapeshifter and that Ben’s spirit is the Chindi. The treasure cave is real but will forever remain a Navajo secret.ACT 2:
Act 2S: Young Sarah talks with Ben (her father) about his new helper, says she doesn’t like him as much as Charlie. Ben says Charlie’s in jail and that he had to hire the new guy. He derides the bearded man, calls him “numb nuts”. The guy thinks he knows everything and says he’s read hundreds of books. But Ben says that numb nuts is careless and breaks half the pots he digs up.
Act 4Reveal: Young Sarah reveals that numb nuts/The Bear couldn’t talk because his throat “got hurt”.Act 2S:n Young Sarah plays soccer in the desert, happily scores a goal but we never see the ball.
Act 3Reveal: Sarah plays soccer using a human skull unearthed by Ben as the ball.Act 2S: Young Sarah easily climbs up the hand and footholds of the cliff up to the treasure cave.
Act 4Reveal: Older Sarah remembers the hand holds and must face her fear of heights.Act 2Setup: Young Sarah wants Ben (her father) to quit smoking. She steals his Bic lighter.
Act 3 Reveal: Young Sarah uses the lighter to illuminate the inside of treasure cave.Act 2Setup: Young Sarah disobeys Ben, wanders off by herself, discovers the treasure cave.
Act 4Reveal: Young Sarah hears Ben calling for her outside the cave. She exits the cave and waves to them from the cliff, “I found something”. Ben and Numb Nuts climb up the cliff.Act 2S: March asks young Sarah under hypnosis if she remembers people other than her father in the desert? What did he look like? What did he say? Would you remember his voice?
Act 3Reveal: March is assessing what Sarah remembers and covering his tracks, so she doesn’t suspect his real identity. March went out into the desert to dig up pots with Ben only once and couldn’t talk at the time because his voice box had been injured by a cue stick in a bar fight. He could only grunt – like a Bear. Sarah remembers the grunts.Act 2S: In Sarah’s treatment, March comes across as helpful and intent on helping Sarah heal.
Act 3Reveal: March claims he’s helping her because he wants to write a book about her case.Act 2S: March asks Sarah under hypnosis if she remembers any songs from her childhood.
Act 4Reveal: March accidentally sings words that Sarah never mentioned under hypnosis from The Farmer in the Dell melody, which is Sarah’s roadmap to the treasure cave. Her father taught her the song so she could always find her way back to civilization if need be. Sarah begins to suspect that something about March isn’t Kosher.Act 2S: Johnny hears about a prophesized shapeshifter from his grandfather, the Shaman.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny realizes that March is the shapeshifter he was warned Johnny about.Act 2S: Johnny reminisces with Shaman about Navajo lore, including native healing practices.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny uses native plants and Navajo healing to heal himself from a snake bite.Act 2S: Johnny suspects that the Shaman and his father, Frank, had something to do with saving young Sarah 20 years ago.
Act 4Reveal: When Sarah remembers the Shaman at the hospital, she now also remembers another man was with the Shaman – She describes him as a “star man”. She remembers that the star read, “Navajo Tribal Police”. Johnny is floored to realize it must have been Frank, his father, now the chief of the Navajo Nation Police. Johnny realizes his father and grandfather have conspired to set him up.Act 2S: Shaman asks Johnny if he has kept up his “medicine” bag. Johnny confirms, even has juniper seeds for nightmares. Shaman is pleased.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny offers Sarah juniper seeds for her nightmares, is castigated by March, warns Johnny to stay away from Sarah and not to interfere.ACT 3: Multiple setups (listed previously) are revealed in Act 3.
Act 3Reveal: Sarah is afraid of heights.
Act 4Reveal: According to March of her hypnosis session, Sarah fell out of a tree as a child.ACT 4:
Act 4Setup: Sarah tells Johnny she only drinks “designer water bottles” in her saddlebags.
Act 4Reveal: Sarah has filled several of her water bottles with vodka. She needs the crutch and gets drunk after a traumatic hypnosis session with March.Act 4Setup: Under hypnosis in the desert, Sarah remembers an old man w/long hair and feather necklace when she was in the hospital as a child. The old man stared down with concern and compassion.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny overhears Sarah’s session and is floored, “Grandfather?”Act 4Setup: Sarah gets drunk and falls asleep. After an argument and Johnny, March disappears into the desert at night with a small canvas bag, saying he needs to “do his business”. He returns and he and Johnny turn in for the night.
Act 4Reveal: Later that night, Johnny, in his bedroll, gets bitten by a small rattlesnake. March suggests Johnny should go seek medical help and let him and Sarah continue their search. Johnny declines. He will use native healing to heal himself.Act 4Setup: Johnny pats March down for weapons. He stops this when Sarah sarcastically says Johnny is acting like a cop. (which she doesn’t know that he is.)
Act 4Reveal: March pulls a small pistol from his boot. Johnny would’ve found it if Sarah had let him do his job.Act 4Setup: tells Sarah that there aren’t any mule deer in the area where March claimed he shot himself in the arm 20 years ago. Johnny lists other things that don’t add up about March – but he’s not sure.
Act 4Reveal: Sarah won’t believe that March might be lying to her. Why on earth would he? -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Character Action Tracks!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who receives praise for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I was focused on doing just the actions for my protagonist and antagonist but the other supporting characters were crying out to have their actions also listed and I had to give in to them.
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.OPENING / MARCH INCITING INCIDENT:
A black-gloved, bio-mechanical hand taps a computer key. A PBS interview with Sarah Cole, a young woman with amnesia, appears on the screen. Sarah, we learn has a reputation as an expert pottery fixer. The black gloved hand WHINES as fingers manipulate the video, zoom in on the woman’s face as she brushes back the hair at her temple to display an old, jagged scar. We learn she has no memory of her childhood due to a traumatic accident when she was six years old.ACT 1 SARAH’S PRESENT WORLD: Show the world of twenty-six-year-old pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. Her boss praises her for her great work. Sarah is meek, seems numb. Why?
SARAH ACTION 1 and 2: She demonstrates her gift as she lays out small, broken pieces of pottery in their order of being put back together. It’s quick and easy for her. She arranges pieces quickly, does the final arrangement in her head. She finishes up one job and starts on another. Why is she working so hard?
DEEPER LAYER: Sarah makes a comment to a co-worker about idleness is the Devil’s playground. She has to keep busy, makes a motion to wave the memories away, “so I don’t remember.” When asked what, “Just stuff.” This is why she must keep her mind focused on her work.
SARAH ACTION 3: After she leaves work, she makes sure no one notices as she enters her favorite liquor store. Goes home and drinks at night to dull pain of the incomplete childhood memories that haunt her.
SARAH’S INCITING INCIDENT:
At work, Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The zig zag pattern on the pot triggers powerful, incapacitating emotions –YOUNG SARAH ACTION 1 (flashback in B&W) A terrified, 6-year-old little girl runs from a bearded, bear of a man in the desert at night near an ancient Anasazi cliff dwelling. The girl wears a small pot shard with a unique zig zag design hangs on her necklace. The man catches the girl – throws her off a cliff.
SARAH ACTION 4: Older Sarah is in shock, the pot slips from her hands. It shatters. She’s mortified.
DEEPER LAYER: Sarah brushes back her hair, has a big, jagged scar on her temple. The small shard that hangs on Sarah’s necklace has the same zig zag pattern as the pattern that is on the pot – and the same pattern as the shard necklace that was worn by the little girl in the flashback.
REVEAL: The little girl in the flashback and older Sarah are the same person.
SARAH ACTION 4.5: Sarah researches the pot’s owner, JAMES MARCH, learns he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She calls him, admits she broke his pot, tells him she can fix it in a week. Asks where it is from.
March forgives Sarah about the pot. Says it was given to him by an old friend who passed away and it means a lot to him, supposedly is from someplace on the Navajo reservation.
MARCH ACTION 1: Kindly offers to meet her for dinner in a week and pick up his pot.
Sarah works on the pot/has problems with it/memories haunt her day and night, drinks to forget, shows up late at work, is told by her boss that March requested her services based on a great “fixer” story about her in a pottery magazine.
Sarah tells her boss she “needs time” to fix his pot, is told when she finishes pot to take as much time as she needs. Her boss doesn’t want her back until she gets herself sober. She buys more booze, cries painful tears as she drinks to get drunk.
Introduce Johnny driving in his police car on the Navajo rez, sees the Shaman on a mesa, a dust devil swirls near him. Johnny mutters, “Talking with the spirits again.” Johnny drives to Navajo Police station.
SHAMAN INCITING INCIDENT: (this may not be seen but will be alluded to). He conspires with police chief, Frank, (Johnny’s father) to get Johnny laid off so that Johnny gets involved in a cause bigger than himself – to become the new shaman.
FRANK ACTION 1: Frank tells Johnny that he must cut the hours for the newest cop – Johnny.
JOHNNY ACTION 1: Johnny pushes back complains, mentions he solved a tough case last week, and wants to work on the “Sarah Cole” cold case from twenty years ago. It’s the only case his father, Frank, never solved. Says some of the facts don’t add up, like who dropped the girl off at the Navajo hospital? Conflict. Frank tells Johnny it’s old news. Forget it.
JOHNNY INCITING INCIDENT AND ACTION 2: Johnny accuses Frank of hiding something. Why? Johnny gets insubordinate and…
FRANK ACTION 2: Frank suspends him without pay. How am I gonna pay my car payment?
A cop buddy of Johnny’s drops him at Shaman’s hogan. Shaman wonders where Johnny’s new truck is.
SHAMAN ACTION 1: He presses Johnny to become next Shaman.
JOHNNY ACTION 3: Johnny refuses the call; says he’s going to solve an old cold case and his father will have to bring him back onto the force. He tells Shaman the real reason he came out: to borrow Shaman’s rusty, old pickup. His new truck was repossessed, and he needs transportation.
Sarah and March meet for dinner at his hotel with new pot. March reveals that he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She knows. They talk, he suspects something is bothering her. She admits she can’t remember much of anything before the age of six – pulls back her hair to reveal the scar on her temple. March covers his shock, queries her about any treatment she’s had. “Everything,” she replies, and ticks off the items. “Ah,” he replies and…
MARCH ACTION 2: He offers to walk her home.
On the sidewalk, a mugger named Tomas wears a ski mask, tries to mug Sarah and March.
MARCH ACTION 3: March throws a right hook and breaks Tomas’ jaw with his bio-mechanical hand and arm. Sarah is shocked but at the same time, grateful that March saved her. Tomas runs off.
MARCH ACTION 3: March plays down his heroism but at the same time, consoles Sarah at her place, he’s worried about her. He senses there’s a lot going on inside her. She denies it. He says, “I have found that sometimes we need to go to school with our past selves so we can learn what makes us tick today.”
He leaves. Sarah pours a drink – her glass shakes badly, and she has a flashback of her six-year-old self, arguing with her father, Ben, about him wanting her to start school. Ben is aware that Sarah just wants to always be with him. He breaks a shard in half and gives her half (her current necklace) and he jams the other half in the pocket of his jeans. The memory is slash cut as…
SARAH ACTION 5: Sarah jams on her ear buds, guzzles her drink, tells the memories to leave her alone.
MARCH ACTION 4: He calls next day to check in on Sarah. She is reading one of his books that was delivered the night before, “The Soul Reclaimer”. She is intrigued that he has used hypnosis to help people remember their past lives. March says he feels blessed that he can help people “like her” who grew weary of constant emotional pain. “Sometimes,” he says, “I find it helps to get inside and kick the skull around a bit to free up the memories so we can deal with them.”
Sarah has an instant flashback of kicking a human skull like a soccer ball in the desert. Another instant flashback of young Sarah crawling into a cave, lighting a cigarette lighter so she can see. Her face reveals awe. Sarah snaps back to reality, sweating, scared.
MARCH ACTION 5: He asks if everything is all right. She says, “There was a cave. I’m afraid of it.” He replies, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. Wasn’t my quote but I wish it was. Joseph Campbell said it.”
SARAH ACTION 6: Sarah repeats, “The cave I fear…oh, shit.” She wants to, needs to find out but she’s so afraid. She talks of all the people who have tried to help her, diagnose her. She doesn’t think she can be hypnotized …” He says anyone who WANTS to be hypnotized CAN be. Sarah picks up her drink glass, looks at his book. He senses she’s trying to make a decision. “You put my pot back together. I feel you can put yourself back together also.” Sarah pulls the book to her bosom, tears come. “Do you think you can help me?” He looks happy. He thinks a moment, inspects his repaired pot, says he’s not sure. “Please?” He says to show his gratitude for the fixed pot, looks at his schedule book (it’s empty), he’d be happy to fit her in tomorrow at ten AM for what he calls a “trial session”. If it goes well, he’d be happy to refer her to another professional who can help lead her out of the wilderness. Sarah sees a flashback of remote, desolate desert. She shuts her eyes and it goes away. She nods, quietly says thank you.
MARCH ACTION 6: In his office, he hypnotizes Sarah. She recalls her father was an archeologist and has some vague memories about armor and weapons from Spanish Conquistadors hidden in a small cave.
DEEPER layer: March has led her throughout the session and “suggested” what Sarah has remembered. He is setting her up so he can control her.
SARAH ACTION 7: Encouraged and comfortable with March, Sarah hesitantly wonders if March could help her remember more details about her nightmares and the treasure cave in her childhood. March says he is too busy to take her on as a new patient. He’s about to start to write his next book and…
SARAH ACTION 8: Sarah begs.
SARAH’S TURNING POINT 1:
Sarah hysterically begs and pleads for March to treat her. For the first time in her life she feels that someone can help her.MARCH’S TURNING POINT 1:
March takes her on as a client if she agrees to do whatever he says is necessary for her to remember.ACT 2: SARAH’S NEW PLAN
Johnny takes a job at the riding stables, gets ribbed for it by stable hands, there was an opening because one of the workers got injured. Johnny tells the guys he knows they are holding drugs. This shuts them up. He asks stable manager, Eddie, about old Sarah Cole case. Eddie lets slip it had something to do with grave robbers and a rumor of some old treasure cave. Eddie realizes he’s said too much.MARCH ACTION 7: March uses hypnosis to regress Sarah to meet YOUNG SARAH, her 6-year-old self to learn about her childhood and the whatever the trauma was that she experienced. We meet Ben and Bear during the session. Young Sarah kicks a skull in the desert.
Young Sarah proves to be tough to handle, both for March and for Sarah. It’s a scary session for young Sarah, March and older Sarah. Older Sarah wants to bail but March reminds her that she must allow him to control both the hypnosis and questions of her younger self.
SARAH ACTION 9: Sarah agrees to let March steer the boat.
MARCH ACTION 8: Another session and when Sarah comes out of it, March informs her that she revealed to him under hypnosis that her father was a cruel man, a grave robber who dug up Indian graves and sold his booty to collectors. Sarah is devastated, again wants to stop the sessions. March somehow convinces her to continue, assures her that things will get better.
MARCH ACTION 9: March takes control of Sarah.
SARAH TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Sarah wakes from another session and “remembers” she disobeyed her father and somehow it led to his death. She feels it can’t be true. But March’s interpretation of the event heightens Sarah’s guilt and her feeling that she is responsible for her father’s death. Sarah’s younger self seems to also confirm this. Sarah is devastated. It’s her low point. She runs.
MARCH ACTION 10: March’s ego takes over.
MARCH TURNING POINT 3/MIDPOINT: March’s psychopathy and greed causes him to become careless and move too fast. He inadvertently mixes his memories in with Sarah’s memories during a hypnosis session. But he covers his mistakes – or does he? He has left “shards”, clues for Sarah to find.
DEEPER layer: March now has full control over Sarah’s memories and emotions.
DEEPER LAYER: Sarah suspects that something isn’t Kosher with March’s treatment and her memories.JOHNNY ACTION 4: Johnny makes a decision that will seal his fate as the future Shaman.
JOHNNY TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Armed with info that he knows the treasure cave exists, he queries his grandfather, the Shaman, on the story about Sarah Cole. Shaman tells him to go talk to his father, Frank. Johnny is angry and says he has nothing to say to his father.
SHAMAN TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: The Shaman demands that Frank come clean with Johnny about what Frank knows regarding the history of Sarah and March.
FRANK TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT:
Frank goes ballistic, yells at Shaman/his father and claims to have done the right thing 20 years ago, says those two grave robbers were not Diné and got what they deserved. And the other one? Frank doesn’t answer, tells the shaman to take care of the spirit world and Frank will take care of the police work.DEEPER LAYER: Frank is proud of Johnny and steering his son to investigate the Sarah Cole story but at the same time, he is providing obstacles for Johnny, which will force him to dig deep and to prove himself as a cop also.
INSERT FLASHBACK: Shaman and Frank transport little Sarah to the hospital in Shaman’s old pickup.
SARAH ACTION 10: Sarah seeks confirmation of her suspicions.
ACT 3: SARAH RETHINKS EVERYTHING
She confides to a bartender, wonders if March could be wrong about her father. She even wonders if March is somehow manipulating her memories and her interaction with young Sarah although she can’t imagine why he would do so. He seems like such a good guy.At home, hung over the toilet, Sarah remembers her father’s words from a previous session when he said, “Listen to everyone but trust only in yourself.” She takes a hand full of pills, attempts to kill herself.
MARCH ACTION 11: Hours later, March enters the apartment with the help of the manager, is frantic – but for the wrong reasons. If Sarah dies, he loses any chance of finding the cave.
In the ER, Sarah has a flashback about being dropped off at the hospital by the Shaman 20 years ago. She sees March standing over her in real time. She sees the Shaman standing over her in black and white. Another face enters the picture in black and white. It is Frank. He’s with the Shaman.
MARCH ACTION 11: March must deal with Tomas, Sarah’s “mugger” who shows up and wants more money to keep quiet about March using Sarah for his “next book”. March gives him $10,000 cash to keep his mouth shut.
SARAH ACTION 11: Buoyed by her experience in the ER, at her next hypnosis session, she surreptitiously asks questions of young Sarah while March asks questions of young Sarah. Oder Sarah uses young Sarah to try and get into March’s head, learn what he knows and if in fact he is manipulating her. March makes several more mistakes here using his memories instead of Sarah’s. We as the audience, are rewinding what we’ve learned thus far and we suspect that something is about to happen.
JOHNNY ACTION 4: Disillusioned and unsure what to do with the rest of his life, Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and refreshes his native and shamanistic lore. The Shaman helps Johnny explore his spiritual roots and subtly drops suggestions to make Johnny commit to his future path as shaman. Johnny pushes back and asks about a treasure cave and the Shaman reluctantly reveals it is a real place and that a spiritual tragedy occurred there. Frank’s name is mentioned by the Shaman.
JOHNNY ACTION 5: Johnny can’t stop the cop in him and again visit his cop father, asks again about the girl who got dropped off at the hospital 20 years ago and is told to leave the story alone and reminded he’s been suspended. He’s angry, “I want to solve the case and can’t because I’ll be shoveling horse shit for the next six months!” “Leave the Cole case alone or that’s what you’ll be doing the rest of your life!”
SARAH ACTION 12: Before their next session, Sarah questions March about his true motives. March finally comes “clean” with her; admits he plans to write his next book about her. She’s pissed off and walks out of his office.
MARCH ACTION 12: He looks sad and we think it’s because he really cares about Sarah’s welfare.
JOHNNY ACTION 6: Johnny meets injured Tomas at the stable. Tomas has come into money and is picking up his stuff. Always the cop, Johnny asks where he got the money from and pulls a baggie of coke from Tomas’ shirt pocket. Tomas begs Johnny not to turn him in, tells Johnny that a guy paid him just to make him look good in front of a woman. A guy named March and some woman named Cole are supposed to go out on a weekend ride to look for something. Tomas doesn’t want to do the ride because of his broken jaw. Johnny is astounded: Is this THE Sarah Cole?
MARCH ACTION 13: He shows at Sarah’s apartment, convinces her the only way for her to find peace is for them to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote area on the Navajo reservation. Sarah refuses. He uses a post-hypnotic suggestion to make her remember the song she sang as a child with her father.
SARAH TURNING POINT 3: Sarah reluctantly agrees to go into the desert with March. She isn’t sure what to believe but something has changed in her and she is now dead set on learning the truth. (See Sarah later about the song lyrics are incorrect.)
MARCH ACTION 14: He calls Navajo guide Tomas to finalize his plans to go into the desert with Sarah.
MARCH TURNING POINT 3: March is livid when Tomas tells him another guide will be taking him into the desert, Johnny. Tomas tells him it’s his own fault, “You shouldn’t have broken my jaw, asshole!”
SHAMAN TURNING POINT 3: He tells Johnny to expect chindi to be with him in the desert. Johnny scoffs, kind of. He doesn’t want to believe his grandfather, but we know he does.
ACT 4 CLIMAX: SARAH PUTS ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER
Johnny leads Sarah and March deep into inhospitable desert to a search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah doesn’t believe him and gets angry.
SARAH ACTION 13: Sarah remembers the song lyrics March sang to her are different than what she remembers. She sings the lyrics to Johnny as they ride.
JOHNNY ACTION 7: RED HERRING – Johnny gives her reasons why March just might be who he says he is.
MARCH ACTION 15: He orders Johnny to stay away from Sarah. Johnny holds his tongue but is pissed.
JOHNNY ACTION 8: He gets bitten by a rattlesnake that “found” its way into his bedroll at night. He goes off my himself. From his own bedroll, March notices but does nothing. Johnny uses native remedies to cure himself. Johnny now realizes his survival will be due to his reawakened shamanistic knowledge.
MARCH ACTION 16: He tries to “shave” away his old self.
While meditating early morning, Johnny sweats profusely, still fighting off the snake bite. He’s nearly back to healthy. He suddenly hears a buzz. Turns out it is an electric razor. March is shaving his head and heavy 5:00 beard. March is surprised to see Johnny, stammers, apologizes for being rough on him about Sarah, asks Johnny to keep his secret. Now March looks worried.
SARAH, MARCH AND JOHNNY ACTIONS TOGETHER: Sarah, March, and Johnny endure harsh desert conditions, climb up perilous cliffs.
SARAH ACTION 14: She rediscovers the desert cave in her childhood memory.
MARCH ACTION 17: He tells Sarah and Johnny to open the cave entrance. His fake arm is an albatross.
Johnny puts the pieces together: Tomas, Sarah’s memory of the cave, inconsistencies of March, Frank’s reluctance to discuss the little girl in the hospital cold case, his grandfather/shaman and hints the man made and Johnny’s own questions and guesswork about Sarah and March. Johnny realizes the only man who could have sealed the cave with Sarah’s father in it must have been his own father who sealed the cave, took little Sarah to the hospital and dropped her off with no explanation. He deduces that March must have somehow escaped the cave and eluded Frank in the desert to become the current March; a self-help author and celebrity hypnotist.
SARAH ACTION 15: She realizes March has used her all along – and that March murdered her father.
MARCH ACTION 18: Trapped, he pulls a small pistol from his boot. He confesses everything and blabs about him having to cut off his own arm to escape the cave. He wandered in the desert for days. Like Sarah, he couldn’t remember where the cave was. He needed her memories to lead him back. His wild eyes reveal his insanity as he surveys the treasure trove of Conquistador armor and strongboxes.
SHAMAN’S RESOLUTION: He sits on the mesa, chants. A dust devil appears. At the same time, a dust devil appears at the mouth of the cave and Sarah recognizes the spirit of her father. March is distracted for a moment which gives Johnny a chance to charge March.
JOHNNY’S RESOLUTION: He charges March to protect Sarah and gets shot by March. A glancing headwound. He will survive to realize his future is as a cop AND as the shaman.
SARAH’S RESOLUTION: Sarah has put the pieces of herself back together. She grabs a Conquistador shield, uses it to deflect March’s bullets, get close and fights him to the death. She will need time but now can allow herself to love and be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.
MARCH’S RESOLUTION: March fights with Sarah and loses. He slips over the edge of the cliff, desperately hangs on with his mechanical arm – he begs for his life, plays with Sarah’s mind. His fake arm pops loose and he falls to his death from the same cliff he threw Sarah from twenty years before.
Epilogue: Sarah leaves her father’s half of the shard for Johnny to find in his hospital bed. We are led to believe that Johnny and Sarah will hook up in the future – but we’re not sure.
Closing scene: March’s spirit (chindi/dust devil) tries to put back together his arm and hand bones that were left on the cliff that he fell from. His chindi will wander forever and never find peace.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s New Outline Beats!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who receives praise for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I forgot to fill this in on lesson 3. In retrospect, I came up with beat sheet draft 1 only after I realized that I needed to lay out the journeys of all my main characters. The plot still needs work but this exercise helped me to focus on several holes. I also found that I was “writing” rather than “outlining”. I’ve cut most of the “scene work” from this version.
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.MARCH INCITING INCIDENT: (Occurs before the movie starts)
March reads about Sarah in a pottery magazine. He realizes Sarah is the child he tried to kill twenty years ago after he murdered her father. March sends her a broken pot to see if he can play with her memory.ACT 1: SARAH’S PRESENT WORLD
Opening: Flashback (in black and white) of a terrified, 6-year-old little girl running through the desert at night from a bearded, bear of a man. A small pot shard hangs on the little girl’s necklace. He catches the girl and throws her off a desert cliff.ACT 1 SET UP: Show the world of twenty-six-year-old amnesia victim and pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. Is recognized for great work at her job during the day, drinks at night to dull pain of the incomplete childhood memories that haunt her.
SARAH’S INCITING INCIDENT:
Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. (March’s inciting incident.) The zig zag pattern on the pot triggers powerful, incapacitating emotions. She drops the pot, and it shatters. She’s mortified.DEEPER LAYER: Sarah has a big, jagged scar on one temple. The small shard that Sarah wears on her necklace has the same zig zag pattern as the pattern that is on the pot – and the same pattern as the shard necklace worn by the little girl in the opening.
REVEAL: The little girl in the opening and older Sarah are the same person.
Sarah researches the pot’s owner, JAMES MARCH, learns he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She calls him and admits that she broke his pot. She tells March she can fix it in a week. Asks where it came from.
March forgives Sarah about the pot. Says it was given to him by an old friend who passed away and it means a lot to him, supposedly is from someplace on the Navajo reservation. Offers to meet her for dinner in a week and pick it up.
Sarah works on the pot/memories haunt her day and night, drinks to forget, shows up late at work, is told that March requested her services based on a great “fixer” story about her in a pottery magazine.
At her job, Sarah says “needs time” to fix his pot, is told when she finishes pot to take as much time as she needs. Her boss doesn’t want her back until she gets herself sober. She buys more booze, cries painful tears as she drinks to get drunk.
Introduce Johnny driving in his police car, he sees the Shaman on a mesa, a dust devil swirls near the man. Johnny mutters, “Talking with the spirits again.” Johnny drives to Navajo Police station.
SHAMAN INCITING INCIDENT: (this may not be seen but will be alluded to). He conspires with police chief, Frank, (Johnny’s father) to get Johnny laid off so that Johnny gets involved in a cause bigger than himself – to become the new shaman.
Frank tells Johnny that he must cut the hours for the newest cop – Johnny. Johnny complains, mentions he solved a tough case last week, and wants to work on the “Sarah Cole” cold case from twenty years ago. It’s the only case his father never solved. Says some of the facts don’t add up, like who dropped the girl off at the Navajo hospital? Conflict. Frank tells Johnny it’s old news. Forget it.
JOHNNY INCITING INCIDENT: Johnny accuses Frank of hiding something. Why? Johnny gets insubordinate and Frank suspends him without pay. How am I gonna pay my car payment?
Johnny gets dropped off by a cop at Shaman’s hogan. Shaman wonders where Johnny’s new truck is. He presses Johnny to become next Shaman. Johnny refuses the call; says he’s going to solve an old cold case and his father will have to let him back on the force. He tells Shaman the real reason he came out: to borrow Shaman’s rusty, old pickup. His new truck was repossessed, and he needs transportation.
Sarah and March meet for dinner at his hotel with new pot. March reveals that he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She knows. They talk, he suspects something is bothering her. She admits she can’t remember much of anything before the age of six – pulls back her hair to reveal the scar on her temple. He queries her about any treatment she’s had. “Everything,” she replies, and ticks off the items. “Ah,” he replies and offers to walk her home.
On the sidewalk, Tomas wears a ski mask, tries to mug Sarah and March. March breaks Tomas’ jaw with his bio-mechanical hand and arm. Sarah is shocked and grateful March saved her. Tomas runs off.
March consoles Sarah at her place, says he’s worried about her. He senses there’s a lot going on inside her. She denies it. He says, “I have found that sometimes we need to go to school with our past selves in order to learn what makes us tick today.”
He leaves. Sarah pours a drink – her glass shakes badly, and she has a flashback of her six-year-old self, arguing with her father, Ben, about him wanting her to start school. He understands she just wants to always be with him. He breaks a shard in half and gives her half (her current necklace) and he jams the other half in the pocket of his jeans. The memory is slash cut as…
Sarah jams on her ear buds and guzzles the drink, tells the memories to go awayMarch calls Sarah next day to check in on her. She is reading one of his books that was delivered the night before, “The Soul Reclaimer”. She is intrigued that he has used hypnosis to help people remember their past lives. March says he feels blessed that he can help people “like her” who grew tired of the constant emotional pain their entire lives. “Sometimes,” he says, “I find it helps to get inside and kick the skull around a bit to shake free the memories.”
Sarah has an instant flashback of kicking a human skull like a soccer ball in the desert. Another instant flashback of young Sarah crawling into a cave, lighting a cigarette lighter to see. Her face reveals awe. Sarah snaps back to reality, sweating, scared. March asks if everything is all right. She says, “There was a cave. I’m afraid of it.” He replies, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. Wasn’t my quote but I wish it was. Joseph Campbell said it.”
Sarah repeats, “The cave I fear…oh, shit.” She wants to, needs to find out but she’s so afraid. She talks of all the people who have tried to help her, diagnose her. She doesn’t think she can be hypnotized …” He says anyone who WANTS to be hypnotized CAN be. Sarah picks up her drink glass, looks at his book. He senses she’s trying to make a decision… , “You put my pot back together. I feel you can put yourself back together also.” Sarah pulls the book close, tears come. “Do you think you can help me?” He looks happy. He thinks a moment, inspects his repaired pot, says he’s not sure. “Please?” He says to show his gratitude for the fixed pot, looks at his schedule book (it’s empty), he’d be happy to fit her in tomorrow at ten AM for what he calls a “test session”. If it goes well, he’d be happy to refer her to a another professional who can help lead her out of the wilderness. Sarah sees a flashback of remote, desolate desert. She shuts her eyes and it goes away. She nods, quietly says thank you.
March gives Sarah a hypnosis session. She remembers that her father was an archeologist and has some vague memories about armor and weapons from Spanish Conquistadors hidden in a small cave.
DEEPER layer: March has led her throughout the session and “suggested” what Sarah has remembered. He is setting her up.
Encouraged and feeling comfortable with March, Sarah hesitantly wonders if March could help her remember more details about her nightmares and the treasure cave in her childhood. March says he is too busy to take her on as a new patient. He’s about to start to write his next book and…
SARAH’S TURNING POINT 1:
Sarah hysterically begs and pleads for March to treat her. For the first time she feels someone can help.MARCH’S TURNING POINT 1:
March will take her on as a client if she agrees to do whatever he says is necessary for her to remember.ACT 2: SARAH’S NEW PLAN
Johnny takes a job at the riding stables, gets ribbed for it by stable hands, there was an opening because one of the workers got injured. Johnny tells the guys he knows they keep drugs, this shuts them up. Asks stable manager, Eddie, about old Sarah Cole case. Eddie lets slip it had something to do with grave robbers and a rumor of some old treasure cave. Eddie realizes he’s said too much.March uses hypnosis to regress Sarah to meet YOUNG SARAH, her 6-year-old self to learn about her childhood and the whatever the trauma was that she experienced. We meet Ben and Bear during the session. Young Sarah kicks a skull in the desert.
Young Sarah proves to be tough to handle, both for March and for Sarah. It’s a scary session for young Sarah, March and older Sarah. Older Sarah wants to bail but March reminds her that she must allow him to control both the hypnosis and questions of her younger self.Sarah agrees to let March steer the boat.
Another session and when Sarah comes out of it, March informs her that she revealed to him under hypnosis that her father was a cruel man, a grave robber who dug up Indian graves and sold his booty to collectors. Sarah is devastated, again wants to stop the sessions. March somehow convinces her to continue, assures her that things will get better.
SARAH TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Sarah wakes from another session and “remembers” she disobeyed her father and somehow it led to his death. She feels it can’t be true. But March’s interpretation of the event heightens Sarah’s guilt and her feeling that she is responsible for her father’s death. Sarah’s younger self seems to also confirm this. Sarah is devastated. She runs. It’s her low point.
MARCH TURNING POINT 3/MIDPOINT: March’s psychopathy and greed is causing him to become careless and move too fast. He inadvertently mixes his memories in with Sarah’s memories during a hypnosis session. But he covers his mistakes well – or does he? He leaves clues for Sarah to find.
JOHNNY TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Armed with info that he knows the treasure cave exists, he queries his grandfather, the Shaman on the story about Sarah Cole. He’s told to go talk to his father. Johnny is angry and says he has nothing to say to his father.
DEEPER layer: March now has full control over Sarah’s memories and emotions.
SHAMAN TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: He demands that Frank to come clean with Johnny about what he knows regarding Sarah and March.
FRANK TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT:
Frank goes ballistic, yells at Shaman/his father and claims to have done the right thing 20 years ago, says those two grave robbers were not Diné and got what they deserved. And the other one? Frank doesn’t answer, tells the shaman to take care of the spirit world and Frank will take care of the police work.DEEPER LAYER: Frank is actually steering Johnny to investigate the Sarah Cole story but he is providing obstacles for Johnny, which will force his son to dig deep and to prove himself as a cop
INSERT FLASHBACK: Shaman and Frank transport little Sarah to the hospital in Shaman’s old pickup.
ACT 3: SARAH RETHINKS EVERYTHING
She confides to a bartender, wonders if March could be wrong about her father. She even wonders if March is somehow manipulating her memories and her interaction with young Sarah although she can’t imagine why he would do so. He seems like such a good guy.At home, hung over the toilet, Sarah remembers her father’s words from a previous session when he said, “Listen to everyone but trust only in yourself.” She takes a hand full of pills, attempts to kill herself.
March enters the apartment with the help of the manager, is frantic – but for the wrong reasons. If Sarah dies, he loses any chance of finding the cave.
Sarah has a flashback in the ER about being dropped off at the hospital by the Shaman 20 years ago. She sees the Shaman standing over her. Another face enters the picture. It is Frank.
March must deal with Tomas, Sarah’s “mugger” who shows up and wants more money to keep quiet about March using Sarah for his “next book”. March gives him $10,000 cash to keep his mouth shut.
At Sarah’s next hypnosis session, she surreptitiously asks questions of young Sarah while March asks questions. Sarah uses young Sarah to try and get into March’s head, learn what he knows and if in fact he is manipulating her. Does March make several more mistakes using his memories instead of Sarah’s?
Disillusioned and unsure what to do with the rest of his life, Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and refreshes his native and shamanistic lore. The Shaman helps Johnny explore his spiritual roots and subtly drops clues to make him commit to his future path as shaman. Johnny doesn’t commit and asks about a treasure cave and the Shaman reluctantly reveals a spiritual tragedy occurred there. Frank’s name is mentioned.
Johnny can’t stop the cop in him and again visit his cop father, asks again about the girl who got dropped off at the hospital 20 years ago and is told to leave the story alone and reminded he’s been suspended. He’s angry, “I want to solve the case and can’t because I’ll be shoveling shit for the next six months!” “Leave the Cole case alone or that’s what you’ll be doing the rest of your life!”
Before their next session, Sarah questions March about his true motives. March finally comes “clean” with her; admits he wants to write his next book about her. She’s pissed off at being used and walks out. March appears to be sad and we think it’s because he really cares about Sarah’s welfare.
Johnny meets injured Tomas at the stable. Tomas has come into money and is picking up his stuff. Always the cop, Johnny asks where he got the money from and pulls a baggie of coke from Tomas’ shirt pocket. Tomas begs Johnny not to turn him in, tells Johnny that a guy paid him just to make him look good in front of a woman. Now, some guy named March and some woman named Cole are supposed to go out on a weekend ride to look for something. Tomas doesn’t want to do the ride because of his broken jaw. Johnny is astounded: THE Sarah Cole?
March shows up at Sarah’s apartment, convinces her the only way for her to find peace she needs is for them to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote area on the Navajo reservation. Sarah refuses. He uses a post-hypnotic suggestion to make her remember the song she sang as a child with her father.
SARAH TURNING POINT 3: Sarah reluctantly agrees to go into the desert with March. She isn’t sure what to believe but something has changed in her and she is now dead set on learning the truth. (See Sarah later about the song lyrics are incorrect.)
MARCH TURNING POINT 3: March calls Tomas to make final arrangements. Tomas tells him another guide will be taking him into the desert, Johnny. March is livid. Tomas tells him it’s his own fault, “shouldn’t have broken my jaw, asshole!”
SHAMAN TURNING POINT 3: He tells Johnny to expect chindi to be with him in the desert. Johnny scoffs, kind of. He doesn’t want to believe his grandfather, but we know he does.
ACT 4 CLIMAX: SARAH PUTS ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER
Johnny leads Sarah and March deep into inhospitable desert to a search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah doesn’t believe him and gets angry. But then Sarah remembers that the song lyrics March sang her are different than the ones she remembers. She sings the lyrics to Johnny as they ride. Johnny offers a reason why March just might be who he says he is.
March orders Johnny to stay away from Sarah. Johnny holds his tongue but is pissed.
Johnny gets bitten by a rattlesnake that “found” its way into his bedroll at night. He goes off my himself. March notices but does nothing. Johnny uses native remedies to cure himself. Johnny now realizes his survival will be due to his reawakened shamanistic knowledge.
While meditating early morning, Johnny sweats. But he’s nearly back to healthy. He suddenly hears a buzz. Turns out it is an electric razor. March is shaving his head and heavy 5:00 beard. March is surprised to see Johnny, stammers, apologizes for being rough on him about Sarah, asks Johnny to keep his secret. Now March looks worried.
Sarah, March, and Johnny endure harsh desert conditions, climb up perilous cliffs, and rediscover the desert cave in Sarah’s memory.
Johnny puts the pieces together: Tomas, Sarah’s memory of the cave, inconsistencies of March, Frank’s reluctance to discuss the little girl in the hospital cold case, his grandfather/shaman and hints the man made and Johnny’s own questions and guesswork about Sarah and March. Johnny realizes the only man who could have sealed the cave with Sarah’s father in it must have been his own father who sealed the cave, took little Sarah to the hospital and dropped her off with no explanation. He deduces that March must have somehow escaped the cave and eluded Frank in the desert to become the current March; a self-help author and celebrity hypnotist.
Sarah realizes March has been using her all along – and that March murdered her father.
Trapped, March confesses everything and talks about having to cut off his own arm to escape the cave. His eyes reveal his psychopathy.
SHAMAN’S RESOLUTION: He sits on the mesa, chants. At the same time, a dust devil appears outside the cave, distracts March for a second which gives Johnny a chance to try and take down March.
JOHNNY’S RESOLUTION: He charges March to protect Sarah and gets shot by March. A glancing headwound. He will survive to realize his future is as a cop AND as the shaman.
SARAH’S RESOLUTION: Sarah has put the pieces of herself back together. She uses an ancient Conquistador shield to deflect March’s bullets, get close and fights him to the death. She will need time but now can allow herself to love and be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.
MARCH’S RESOLUTION: March fights with Sarah and loses. He eventually falls to his death from the same cliff he threw Sarah from twenty years before.
March’s spirit (chindi/dust devil) tries to rearrange his arm and hand bones left on the cliff he fell from. His chindi will wander forever.
Sarah leaves her father’s half of the shard with Johnny in his hospital bed. We are led to believe that Johnny and Sarah will hook up in the future – but we’re not sure.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Beat Sheet Part 1
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who receives praise for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is:
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.Character Guide:
S = Sarah
YS = young Sarah
M = March
B = Bear
N = Ben
J = Johnny
F = Frank
SH = Shaman
T = Tomas
E = EddieACT 1: SARAH’S PRESENT WORLD
Opening: Flashback of a terrified, 6-year-old little girl thrown off a desert cliff at night by a bearded, bear of a man. A small pot shard hangs on the little girl’s necklace.Set up: Show the world of twenty-six-year-old amnesia victim and pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. Does good work during the day, drinks at night to dull pain of incomplete childhood memories.
Inciting Incident:
S 1: Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The zig zag pattern on the pot triggers powerful, incapacitating emotions. She drops the pot, and it shatters.Reveal: Older Sarah is the little girl who was thrown off the cliff in the opening.
Deeper Layer: Sarah has a big, jagged scar on one temple. The small shard that Sarah wears on her necklace has the same zig zag pattern as the pattern that is on the pot.
S: researches the pot’s owner, JAMES MARCH, learns he is a self-help author and hypnotist and admits that she broke his pot. She tells March she can fix it in a week. Asks where it came from.
M: forgives Sarah about the pot. Says it was given to him by an old friend who passed away. It means a lot to him, supposedly is from someplace on the Navajo reservation. Offers to meet her for dinner in a week and pick it up.S: works on the pot/memories haunt her day and night, drinks to forget, shows up late at work, is told March requested her services/read story in magazine, she “needs time” to fix his pot, is told when she finishes pot to take as much time as she needs to get herself sober. She buys more booze.
J: Introduce Johnny in his police car, he sees the Shaman on a mesa, drives to Navajo Police station.
J and F: told by his father (chief of police) he must cut the hours for the newest cop – Johnny. Johnny complains, mentions he solved a cold case last week, and wants to work on the “Sarah Cole” case from twenty years ago. The only case his father never solved. Says some of the facts don’t add up, like who dropped the girl off at the Navajo hospital? Conflict. Frank tells Johnny it’s old news. Insubordination. Johnny gets laid off. Who’s gonna pay my car payment? Go talk to your grandfather.
J: gets dropped off by another cop, meets with Shaman who wonders where his new truck is and presses Johnny to become next Shaman. Johnny refuses the call; says he’s going to solve an old cold case and his father will have to let him back on the force. He asks to borrow the Shaman’s rusty, old pickup to use.
S and M: meet for dinner at his hotel with new pot. March reveals that he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She knows. They talk, he suspects something is bothering her, offers to walk her home.
T: hired by March, wears ski mask, attempts to mug March and Sarah. Gets his jaw broken by March.S and M: March consoles Sarah at her place, offers her a free hypnosis session to help her and leaves.
S: Sarah gets drunk to dull the pieces of childhood memories that flood back to torture her.S and M: Sarah gets free hypnosis session. Afterward, Sarah is happy to “remember” that her father was an archeologist and something else about a treasure cave.
Deeper layer: March has actually “suggested” what Sarah has remembered. He is setting her up.
S: Encouraged and feeling comfortable with March, Sarah hesitantly wonders if March could help her remember more details about her nightmares and the treasure cave in her childhood.
M: says he is too busy to take her on as a new patient.Turning Point:
PJ 6: Sarah hysterically begs and pleads and convinces him to treat her. March will take her on as a client but only if she agrees to do whatever he says is necessary for her to remember.ACT 2: SARAH’S NEW PLAN
Johnny takes a job at the riding stables, gets ribbed for it by stable hands, there was an opening because one of the workers got injured. Johnny tells the guys he knows they keep drugs, this shuts them up. Asks stable manager, Eddie, about old Sarah Cole case. Eddie lets slip it had something to do with grave robbers and a rumor of some old treasure cave. Eddie realizes he’s said too much.M: uses hypnosis to regress Sarah to meet YOUNG SARAH, her 6-year-old self to learn about her childhood and the whatever the trauma was that she experienced. We meet Ben and Bear during the session. Young Sarah kicks a skull in the desert.
YS: proves to be tough to handle, both for March and for Sarah.
S and YS: It’s a scary session for young Sarah, March and older Sarah. Older Sarah wants to bail but…
M: “suggests” that Sarah must allow him to control both the hypnosis and questions of her young self.
S: agrees to let March steer the boat.M: When Sarah comes out the next session, March informs her that she revealed to under hypnosis that her father was a cruel man, a grave robber who dug up Indian graves and sold his booty to collectors. Sarah is devastated, again wants to stop the sessions. March somehow convinces her to continue, tells her things will get better. Ha!
SARAH TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Sarah wakes from a session and “remembers” she disobeyed her father and somehow it led to his death. She feels it can’t be true. But March gives her his interpretation of the event, and which heightens Sarah’s guilt and the feeling that she is responsible for her father’s death. Sarah’s younger self seems to also confirm this. Sarah is devastated.
MARCH TURNING POINT 3/MIDPOINT: March’s psychopathy and greed causes him to become careless and move too fast. He inadvertently mixes his memories in with Sarah’s memories during a hypnosis session. But he covers his mistakes well – or does he? He leaves a clue for Sarah.
JOHNNY TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Armed with info that he knows the treasure cave exists, he queries his grandfather, the Shaman on the story about Sarah Cole. He’s told to go talk to his father. Johnny is angry and says he has nothing to say to his father.
Deeper layer: March now has full control over her memories and emotions.
ACT 3: SARAH RETHINKS EVERYTHING
She confides to a bartender, wonders if March could be wrong about her father. She even wonders if March is somehow manipulating her memories and her interaction with young Sarah although she can’t imagine why he would do so. He seems like such a good guy.At home, hung over the toilet, Sarah remembers her father’s words from a previous session when he said, “Listen to everyone but trust only in yourself.”
March must deal with Tomas, Sarah’s “mugger” who wants more money to keep quiet about March using Sarah for his “next book”. March gives him $5,000 cash. March seems worried.
Next time under hypnosis, Sarah asks questions of young Sarah as March asks his questions. She uses her younger self to try and get into March’s head, learn what he knows and if in fact is manipulating her.
Does March make several more mistakes using his memories instead of Sarah’s?Disillusioned and unsure what to do with the rest of his life, Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and refreshes his native and shamanistic lore. He asks about a treasure cave and learns a spiritual tragedy occurred there.
Johnny can’t stop the cop in him and again visit his cop father, asks again about the girl who got dropped off at the hospital 20 years ago and is told to leave the story alone and reminded he’s been suspended. He’s angry, “I want to solve the case and can’t because I’ll be shoveling shit for the next six months!”
“Leave the Cole case alone or that’s what you’ll be doing the rest of your life!”
Before their next session, Sarah questions March about his true motives. March comes clean with her; admits he wants to write his next book about her. She’s pissed off at being used and walks out.
March runs after her and makes her realize that the only way for her to find the peace she needs is for them to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote area on the Navajo reservation. Sarah refuses. He uses a post-hypnotic suggestion to make her remember the song she sung as a child with her father.
SARAH TURNING POINT 3: Sarah reluctantly agrees. She’s confused, doesn’t know what to believe but something has changed in her and she is now dead set on learning the truth. WE LEARN that the lyrics March spoke are different than the ones she remembers. Can she trust herself?
JOHNNY TURNING POINT 3: At the stable he meets injured Tomas, who came into money and is picking up his stuff. Always the cop, Johnny asks where he got the money from and pulls a coke bag from the man’s shirt pocket. Tomas begs Johnny not to turn him in, tells Johnny that a guy paid him to make him look good. A guy named March and some woman named Cole are supposed to go out on a weekend ride to look for something. Sarah Cole?
MARCH TURNING POINT 3: March calls Tomas to make final arrangements. Tomas tells him another guide will be taking him into the desert, Johnny. March is livid. Tomas tells him it’s his own fault, “shouldn’t have broken my jaw, asshole!”
ACT 4 CLIMAX: SARAH PUTS THE PIECES TOGETHER
Johnny leads Sarah and March on a search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah doesn’t believe him and gets angry. March orders Johnny to stay away from Sarah. Johnny gets bitten by a rattlesnake that found its way into his bedroll and must use a native remedy to cure himself. Johnny is weak but survives with his reawakened shamanistic knowledge.
Sarah and March rediscover the desert cave where her father died. Sarah realizes March has been using her all along – and that he murdered her father.
March succeeds in re-discovering the cave with Sarah. He confesses everything, shoots Johnny and attempts to kill Sarah.
SARAH’S RESOLUTION: Sarah and March fight. Sarah wins. Sarah has put the pieces of herself back together and can allow herself to be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.
JOHNNY’S RESOLUTION: He protects Sarah in the cave and gets shot by March. He survives, realizes his future is as a cop AND as the shaman. We think Johnny and Sarah might hook up in the future but we’re not sure.
MARCH’S RESOLUTION: March fights with Sarah, eventually falls to his death from the same cliff he threw her off twenty years before.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Deeper Layer
My vision: I am the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who receives praise for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: how the various character’s stories interweave with each other and force deeper layers to rise to the surface. Very cool.
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.Surface Layer: A young woman with amnesia works with a hypnotist to try and remember events surrounding the disappearance of her treasure hunter father in her childhood.
Deeper Layer: The hypnotist murdered her father twenty years ago. He also attempted to kill Sarah and is responsible for the traumatic injury that created her amnesia.
Major Reveal: The big reveal is in the cave when Sarah discovers her father’s skeleton speared through by a Conquistador lance and her memories flood back. She remembers that March murdered her father.
Influences Surface Story: March failed to kill 6-year-old Sarah after he murdered her father. But because he suffered a traumatic injury at that time, he can’t remember the location of the treasure cave. He must pry clues out of Sarah’s memory with Hypnosis while concealing his true identity.
Hints: Greed, overconfidence, and massive ego drive March to inadvertently insert his own memories into Sarah’s memories during her therapy sessions. March seems to know way too much about old events for someone who supposedly wasn’t there at the time.
Changes Reality: Discovering that March has been the killer the whole time shifts us from seeing Sarah as probably responsible for her father’s death to realizing March has used her the whole time to help him remember the location of the cave that he has been unable to remember.
YOUNG SARAH COLE SUPPORTING CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE
Beginning: Spunky, strong-willed. She always wants to always be with her grave robbing father and can’t understand why he wants to send her to school. She wants older Sarah to agree with her.Inciting Incident: Tells her father he should stop smoking. He forces her to give up his lighter that she’s took. She tearfully tells older Sarah “it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t mean for it to happen!”.
Turning Point 1: Disobeys her father, goes off by herself and gets lost only to discover the treasure cave. It’s dark inside. She tells older Sarah that she knows her father will be proud of her and not make her go to school.
Act 2: Shows her father how she put broken pieces of a pot back together. He’s proud of her. She can’t understand why older Sarah has problems remembering things. Tells older Sarah that if she believes everything that she tells her, she will be okay. Don’t believe what other people tell her.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Steals Ben’s lighter to light up the interior of the treasure cave, goes off by herself again. Tells older Sarah she doesn’t have to be afraid. It’s just some old cave.
Act 3: Tells her she doesn’t like Bear. He scares her. Says her father calls Bear, numb nuts. Tells older Sarah not to trust Bear.
Turning Point 3: Leads Ben and Bear to the treasure cave.
Act 4 Climax: Discovers that Bear has killed Ben. She runs and is caught by Bear, thrown off the cliff.
Resolution: Tells older Sarah that she’s going to be okay and that she will always be with her.
JOHNNY BENALLI SUPPORTING CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE
Beginning: He’s a Navajo Police officer at odds with grandfather, the tribal shaman who thinks Johnny should quit his policeman job and become the tribe’s shaman.Inciting Incident: He gets laid off because of a conspiracy between his father (the current police chief) and his grandfather, the shaman.
Turning Point 1: He takes a job at a local horse stable as a back country Navajo guide.
Act 2: Johnny hates the stable, was meant for police work and argues with his father, Frank (Navajo Nation Police chief) and the Shaman. Johnny wants to know more about a 20-year-old story about a young girl dropped off at the Navajo hospital with a critical head injury.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: He queries his father on the story about Sarah Cole who got dropped off at the hospital 20 years ago and is told to leave the story alone and reminded he’s been laid off.
Act 3: Disillusioned and unsure what to do with the rest of his life, Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and refreshes his native and shamanistic lore. He learns about a fabled treasure cave and a spiritual tragedy at it. He can’t stop the cop in him and sneaks into the station, reviews old records and learns that his father was involved somehow with young Sarah Cole winding up at the hospital.
Turning Point 3: At the stable he hears from Tomas, a worker with a broken jaw (the “mugger” that March “saved” Sarah from) that a woman named Sarah Cole and man named March need a guide. Johnny finds Tomas’ baggie of coke. Tomas is in a bind. Johnny wants to know about Sarah and Tomas says that March hired him to make him look good in front of Sarah. Johnny will now be their guide. When March hears he’s livid about it and has to cover his worry about the switch in guides.
Act 4 Climax: Johnny leads Sarah and March on a search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah doesn’t believe him and gets angry. Johnny is ordered by March to stay away from Sarah. He gets bitten by a rattlesnake that somehow found its way into his bedroll and must use a native remedy to cure himself. Johnny is weak, but with his tribal knowledge, and that of his grandfather.
Resolution: He protects Sarah in the cave and gets shot by March. He survives, realizes his future is as a cop AND as the shaman. We think Johnny and Sarah might hook up in the future but we’re not sure.
SHAMAN SUPPORTING CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE
Beginning: He learns in a dream that he must help a spirit cross over. The spirit is Ben, Sarah’s father.Inciting Incident: He conspires with police chief, Frank, (Johnny’s father) to get Johnny laid off so that Johnny gets involved in a cause bigger than himself – becoming the new shaman.
Turning Point 1: He helps Johnny explore his spiritual roots, subtly dropping clues to make him commit to his future path as shaman.
Act 2: He orders Frank to come clean with Johnny about what he knows regarding Sarah and March. It’s a father son spat and ends with Frank reminding the shaman to take care of the spirit world and Frank will take care of the police work.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: He learns in a dream that he will soon die. He travels into the desert to talks to walking spirits (dust devils) and prepare a path for Johnny.
Act 3: He teaches Johnny more about shamanism and reveals secrets about the treasure cave. It exists.
Turning Point 3: He tells Johnny to expect “one who did not die” (Sarah) who comes with a shapeshifter, who is March.
Act 4 Climax: He appears at the cave, distracts March for a second which gives Johnny a chance to try and take down March.
Resolution: He fulfills his prophecy when he sacrifices himself to save Johnny, gets shot and dies.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Character Structure
My vision: I am the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who receives praise for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: working quickly and filling in the blanks causes new ideas to pop up and is a good acid test for existing ideas.
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.SARAH COLE CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE – PROTAGONIST
Beginning: Sarah is a lonely, young woman with childhood amnesia who was attracted to become an expert in repairing broken ancient pottery. She is haunted by recurring vague memories that she was somehow responsible for the death of her father twenty years ago.Inciting Incident: Powerful emotions are triggered when Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The zig zag pattern on the pot is the same zig zag as on the small shard on her necklace. She is driven to meet James March, the pot’s owner, a hypnotist and author of self-help books.
Turning Point 1: March reluctantly takes Sarah on as a client and hopes her story becomes his next book.
Act 2: Sarah meets her six-year-old self under hypnosis and with March’s help reconstructs her past.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: With March’s help, Sarah wins the battle of wills with her younger self only to learn that she was indeed responsible for her father’s death.
Act 3: Sarah quits therapy and swears she’d rather die than learn the truth. She ignores March’s pleas to let him help her. She uses alcohol and drugs to cope and tries to kill herself.
Turning Point 3: March helps Sarah realize the only way to find peace and answers she needs is for them both to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote, desolate area on the Navajo reservation.
Act 4 Climax: Sarah and March rediscover the desert cave where her father died. Sarah realizes March has been using her all along – and that he murdered her father.
Resolution: Sarah and March fight. Sarah wins. Sarah has put the pieces of herself back together and can allow herself to be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.
JAMES MARCH CHARACTER JOURNEY STRUCTURE – ANTAGONIST
Beginning: March was the hired hand of Sarah’s father, Ben, who dug up Indian graves for collectibles.Inciting Incident: March reads about Sarah in a pottery magazine. He realizes this is the same person he tried to kill twenty years ago after he murdered Sarah’s father.
Turning Point 1: March “saves” Sarah from a masked mugger, beats the man mercilessly, and then manipulates Sarah’s feelings of gratitude and indebtedness to lock her into perceiving him as her personal savior.
Act 2: March discovers that young Sarah who appears in hypnosis is a handful as he tries to manipulate Sarah’s memories of past events and at the same time, prevent her from recalling anything about him.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: March’s psychopathy and greed causes him to be careless and move too fast. He inadvertently mixes his memories in with Sarah’s memories during a hypnosis session. He covers his mistakes well.
Act 3: March deals with Sarah’s “mugger” who appears and wants more money to keep quiet about March “using” Sarah for his next book. March gives him $1,000 in cash. March is upset but we don’t know why.
Turning Point 3: March contacts the stable to learn that the “mugger” got drunk and rolled his pickup in the desert. March will have to take a different guide with him into the desert with Sarah. It’s Johnny.
Act 4 Climax: March succeeds in re-discovering the cave. He confesses everything, shoots Johnny and attempts to kill Sarah.
Resolution: March fights with Sarah, eventually falling to his death from the same cliff he threw her off twenty years before.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Genre Conventions
I just noticed that I had duplicated my lesson 5 and posted it as lesson 6. Here is my new, REAL Lesson 6.
My vision: I am the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It forced me again to dig deep into my concept and find or rediscover thrilling hooks and scenes. I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes!
Title: Shards
Concept: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
Genre: Psychological Thriller
CONVENTIONS OF THRILLERS
PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and
suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step — either
physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger
or there is the implication of future danger.MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There’s a mystery that must be solved in
order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan.
Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero
VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy
anyone who gets in their way.MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation,
uncertainty, and surprise.Act 1:
• Opening: Flashback of a 6-year-old girl being chased at night near an ancient desert cliff dwelling by an enraged man in dirty work clothes and heavy beard. The man catches her. She bites and claws at him, but he roughly manhandles her and throws her off a cliff. A THUD is heard far below.
• Inciting Incident: Sarah Cole, 26, works as a pottery restoration expert. She receives an ancient Southwest Indian pot to repair. It has the same Anasazi Indian design as the small piece of pottery on her necklace. The design triggers a flashback memory of her being thrown off a cliff as a child. She touches the jagged scar at her temple – tries in vain to remember more – and accidentally drops the pot. It shatters.
• Feeling remorse, Sarah searches out the pot’s owner – hypnotist, James March. She will make his pot good as new. As a thank you, he offers several free relaxation sessions to help her feel less tense and uptight. She is hiding the fact she has nightmares about a lost treasure cave. And details about the disappearance of her treasure hunter father.
• Turning Point: Sarah wonders if March could help Sarah remember more details about the nightmares, she has of the treasure cave in her childhood. He says he’s too busy to take her on as a new patient. But she begs and pleads and convinces him to treat her. He will take her on, but only if she agrees that she do whatever he suggests is necessary for her to remember.
Act 2:
• New plan: March regresses Sarah to her 6-year-old self to learn more about her childhood and the trauma she experienced. It’s a scary session for both young Sarah and older Sarah. We, the audience, see that young Sarah is disobedient, ornery, and stubborn and appears to be March’s equal in both intellect and willpower – and maybe too much for March to handle.
• Plan in action: March demands that Sarah must allow him to control both the hypnosis and the questions of her 6-year-old self. When Sarah comes out of one session, March tells her that she told him under hypnosis that her father was a cruel man who robbed Indian graves and sold the booty to collectors.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Sarah wakes from a session and “remembers” she disobeyed her father and somehow it led to his death. She feels it can’t be true. But March gives her his interpretation of the event, and which heightens Sarah’s guilt and the feeling that she is responsible for her father’s death. And Sarah’s younger self seems to also confirm this. Sarah is devastated. March now has full control over her memories and emotions.
Act 3:
• Rethink everything: Sarah remembers her father’s words from a previous session when he said, “Listen to everyone but trust only in yourself”. She confides to a bartender, wonders if March could be wrong about her father. She even wonders if March is somehow manipulating her memories and her interaction with young Sarah although she can’t imagine why he would do so. He seems like such a good guy.
• New plan: Sarah asks questions of young Sarah while March is asking his questions. She uses her younger self to try and get into March’s head, learn what he knows and if in fact he is manipulating her. But then we see young Sarah and her father argue about her disobeying him. Sarah wonders if maybe March is correct, and she is responsible for his death.
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: March suspects that Sarah isn’t fully cooperating with him and accuses her of avoiding her issues. She admits that he’s right on both issues. He says they are close to finding the final answers. He demands that if she wants to learn the truth, they must travel into the desert to the scene of the crime in the hope the location will trigger her to remember what she needs to.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Sarah and March venture into a remote area of the Navajo Reservation and re-discover the long-lost treasure cave.
• Resolution: In the cave, they find the skeleton of Sarah’s father. March pulls a gun. Now able to face the facts and free of her prison of guilt, Sarah’s memory returns. She remembers that March is the one who murdered her father and tried to kill her. She is not responsible for her father’s death. A battle to the death ensues. Sarah wins when March stumbles and falls to his death from the same cliff that he threw her from twenty years before. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Purpose Driven Supporting Characters
My vision: I am the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It really helped me to understand the motivation and purpose of all my supporting characters more clearly. There must be a real good reason for these characters to exist in my script.
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.Supporting Characters:
Young Sarah Cole
Johnny Benally
Frank Benally
ShamanBackground Characters:
Navajo Police extras
Sarah’s Friend at work
Sarah’s Boss at work
Eddie, horse stable manager
Stable handsSupport 1:
Name: Young Sarah (at age 6)
Role: Sarah Cole at age 6
Main purpose: She is the catalyst for older Sarah to remember events from her childhood
Value: provide major obstacles for March and critical help to Sarah to help her remember what she needs to and to reclaim her true spirit.Support 2:
Name: Johnny Benally
Role: Tribal Police officer who was laid off and now works as a back country trail guide.
Main purpose: His creates intrigue, heightens the suspense and creates conflict between Sarah and March.
Value: He creates a triangle of conflict with Sarah and March.Support 3:
Name: Frank Benally
Role: Johnny’s father and Chief of Tribal Police
Main purpose: To conspire with his father (the Shaman) and force Johnny to lead Sarah and March into the desert where he will discover which path he will take in life.
Value: He forces Johnny into a position where he must decide if his duty is as a police officer (and arrest March for the 20-year-old murder of Sarah’s father) of as tribal Shaman and right the spiritual wrong created by the Shaman 20-years-ago. Or maybe both…Support 4:
Name: Shaman
Role: Shaman of the Navajos and Johnny’s grandfather
Main purpose: to conspire with his son (the police chief) and give Johnny a cause that is bigger than himself and in so doing, remedy a spiritual mistake the Shaman made 20 years ago.
Value: He drives Johnny to choose his future life’s path. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Lesson 7 – Character Profiles Part 2
My vision: I am the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: How much delving into your character’s profile helps to open them up like a can of fruit cocktail so I can see what’s inside. Surprised myself that what I thought I knew about my characters was only on the surface and not deep down.
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.(Young Sarah is introduced first in a flashback so I want to dive into her profile before the other characters to make sure that the audience is connected to her.)
YOUNG SARAH:
A. The High Concept: A 6-year-old girl is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist who has all the answers.
B. This character’s journey: From insecure, spunky know-it-all to self-assured kid at peace with herself. (The journey is a bit tricky because all young Sarah’s scenes are shown as flashback memories.)
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: A breakout role for a talented, precocious 6-year-old actress.7. Character Subtext: has several secrets she won’t share with older Sarah or March.
8. Character Intrigue: competition with older Sarah to show her there are 3 versions of the truth.
9. Flaw: overconfidence – feels she’s capable of doing anything, which gets her in trouble.
10. Values: family – to always be with her father.
11. Character Dilemma: Independence vs need to be loved. Young Sarah wants to go and do what she wants. But by disobeying her father, she isolates herself from his love and comfort.OLDER SARAH:
A. The High Concept: A 26-year-old woman with amnesia is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist who has all the answers.
B. This character’s journey: From introverted and fearful with low self-esteem to confident, outgoing, and totally self-assured.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Sarah is a multi-faceted character with wide emotional range and must possess a tough physicality. Think Sally Hawkins, Keira Knightley, Anna Kendrick.7. Character Subtext: afraid to say what she remembers, hiding she feels responsible for her father’s murder.
8. Character Intrigue: Unspoken wound: Wound: Sarah feels she is responsible for the death of her father in the desert 20 years ago.
9. Flaw: cannot face her greatest fears
10. Values: Family – her father was the most important person in her life and maybe love someday.
11. Character Dilemma: Knowledge vs Ignorance – Sarah desperately wants to find where and how her father died but if she does, she may discover that that she was responsible for his death.JAMES MARCH
A. The High Concept: A cunning hypnotist manipulates the memories of a young woman to learn the location of a lost treasure cave.
B. This character’s journey: From sophisticated, wise and helpful guru to psychopath who – as he falls into the depths of insanity – will kill anyone and stop at nothing to get what he wants.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Wide emotional range and ability to play different physical appearances. Half of March’s scenes will be as the same man but with a much different look twenty years in the past. Think Stanley Tucci.7. Character Subtext: withholding the fact that he killed Sarah’s father and tried to kill her 20 years ago, being polite to cover his tracks, plotting to learn the location of the cave and that he’ll kill Sarah when he does.
8. Character Intrigue: Secret agendas (manipulate Sarah’s memories) and deception.
9. Flaw: Overconfidence – March feels he’s smarter than everyone else.
10. Values: Fame and winning at all costs.
11. Character Dilemma: Desire (want) vs need – He wants to play it safe and life will be boring and sane vs he needs to allow his greed and psychopath tendencies to regain control over him in order to feel a complete human being once again. (Yeah, he’s really screwed.)JOHNNY BENALLI
A. The High Concept: A Navajo guide leads a woman with amnesia and her hypnotist into the desert to search for lost treasure only to find himself entangled in their psychological struggle and a battle for life and death.
B. This character’s journey: From self-doubt and unsure about his future to confident and at peace with which path to take the rest of his life.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: The role of Johnny is a spiritually led, multi-faceted character who has strong physical abilities and powerful convictions buried under a ton of emotional baggage, the role has a wide emotional range, a touch of subtle comedy and, heart-felt inner turmoil.
7. Character Subtext: hiding that he found Sarah after she’d been thrown off the cliff and witnessed March’s struggle to survive in the desert 20 years ago.
8. Character Intrigue:
Competition: In a sub textualized power struggle with March over how best to treat Sarah.
Conspiracies: Johnny doesn’t know that the Shaman and his father, the Chief of Police, set Johnny up to be laid off and then act as a trail guide when March and Sarah trek into the desert. Shaman and Johnny’s father want to see which path Johnny will take: to become Shaman or continue in law enforcement.
Secrets: Johnny and Sarah knew each other as kids.
9. Flaw: undervalues himself – feels he is a poor lawman and would make a lousy Shaman.
10. Values: Duty to the tribal police and the tribe itself as its Shaman. Loyalty to keep a promise AND honesty to confess late in the film to Sarah and March that he’s kept secrets about them for 20 years.
11. Character Dilemma: Desire vs Duty and Expectation – to continue seeking his life-long dream of being a police officer or give up his dream and become the new tribal Shaman. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Character Profiles Part 1
My vision: I am the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: One great exercise after another. This lesson again forced me to dive deep into my character’s psyche and discover not only what makes them tick, but also why an A-list actor would want to play any of these roles.
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.(Young Sarah is introduced first in a flashback so I want to dive into her profile before the other characters to make sure that the audience is connected to her.)
YOUNG SARAH:
A. The High Concept: A 6-year-old girl is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist who has all the answers.
B. This character’s journey: From insecure, spunky know-it-all to self-assured kid at peace with herself. (The journey is a bit tricky because all young Sarah’s scenes are shown as flashback memories.)
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: A breakout role for the next talented 6-year-old actress.1. Role in the Story: Protagonist Sarah Cole at age 6
2. Age range and Description: Navajo features, spunky, 6-to-8-years-old, proud, determined and head strong, wears jeans and country-check shirt.
3. Core Traits: spunky, intelligent, loving, disobedient
4. Motivation; Want/Need: To do whatever, whenever she wants/ to be responsible and obey her dad.
5. Wound: Believes she is responsible for her father’s murder.
6. Likability: In the opening scene, she shows us her spunk when she runs from and fights with the large, bearded man who chases her at an Anasazi cliff dwelling in the desert.
Relatability: We’ve all been pursued by someone with evil intentions at some time in our life.
Empathy: We feel the terror that Sarah feels. When she is caught by the man and thrown from the cliff, her fear and our fear is palpable.OLDER SARAH:
A. The High Concept: A 26-year-old woman with amnesia is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist who has all the answers.
B. This character’s journey: From introverted and fearful with low self-esteem to confident, outgoing, and totally self-assured.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Sarah is a multi-faceted character with wide emotional range and must possess a tough physicality. Think Sally Hawkins, Keira Knightley, Anna Kendrick.1. Role in the Story: Protagonist Sarah Cole at age 26
2. Age range and Description: mid-twenties, introverted, nice body but hunched over from the guilt she has carried for years, good employee but drives herself to exhaustion at work, terrible scar on one temple from a traumatic injury she doesn’t remember, hides behind a façade that she’s okay and doing well but is on the edge emotionally, spiritually and physically.
3. Core Traits: desperate, fearful, loving, determined
4. Motivation; Want/Need: To learn where and how her father died / to be free of guilt that she caused his death.
5. Wound: She remembers little about her life before the age of six and is haunted by what she cannot remember
6. Likability: She works hard at her job restoring ancient Southwest Indian pottery. She knows she overworks herself but can’t help it. She needs to concentrate and stay busy to escape the demons that come from the piecemeal memories of her childhood.
Relatability: We all have done some activity to stay busy to avoid confronting something we know we should confront.
Empathy: She is caught in a vicious cycle, and when she uses alcohol to dull her pain when not at work, we feel for her.JAMES MARCH
A. The High Concept: A cunning hypnotist manipulates the memories of a young woman to learn the location of a lost treasure cave.
B. This character’s journey: From sophisticated, wise and helpful guru to psychopath who – as he falls into the depths of insanity – will kill anyone and stop at nothing to get what he wants.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Wide emotional range and ability to play different physical appearances. Half of March’s scenes will be as the same man but with a much different look twenty years in the past. Think Stanley Tucci.1. Role in the Story: Antagonist
2. Age range and Description: 50’s – 60’s. Personable, blunt and to the point, sometimes obnoxious, piercing stare, well-managed emotions that conceal the psychopath underneath, shaved head, white suits, bio-mechanical left arm, and a black-gloved hand.
3. Core Traits: obsessed, liar, cruel, charming
4. Motivation; Want/Need: he wants to possess the lost Conquistador treasure for himself / to feel he is a complete, perfect person once more when he locates the bones of his severed arm and hand.
5. Wound: Emotional trauma of having to amputate his own arm to free himself from a trap devised by Sarah’s father as he lay dying.
6. Likability: He is sophisticated, smooth, cool, wise, and well-dressed. It seems he can read Sarah’s mind, has ready answers and offers suggestions for her to cope with her feelings before she can voice them herself. He’s a wealthy self-help author but will squeeze Sarah into his busy schedule because he feels she’s at a crossroad in her life and can use his skills. He loves his little, lap dog and pampers it – until the dog suspects something is off with the man – which gives us a clue about March’s real motives when it comes to Sarah.
Relatability: This is someone we would want on our side if we needed emotional support. He’s friendly and ready to help. Everyone needs an ally like this.
Empathy: When he accidentally breaks a wine glass with his powerful grip as he meets Sarah, we feel his embarrassment and discomfort. When he exposes his vulnerability regarding the loss of his arm in a “hunting accident”, we feel for him. When he relates how the trauma put him on the road to helping others, we feel his pride and dedication. When we see how he is manipulating Sarah’s memories and may not have her best interest at heart, we hate him with a passion.JOHNNY BENALLI
A. The High Concept: A Navajo guide leads a woman with amnesia and her hypnotist into the desert to search for lost treasure only to find himself entangled in their psychological struggle and a battle for life and death.
B. This character’s journey: From self-doubt and unsure about his future to confident and at peace with which path to take the rest of his life.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character: The role of Johnny is a spiritually led, multi-faceted character who has strong physical abilities and powerful convictions buried under a ton of emotional baggage, the role has a wide emotional range, a touch of subtle comedy and, heart-felt inner turmoil.1. Role in the Story: A jobless Navajo Sheriff’s Deputy who makes side money as a trail guide.
2. Age range and Description: Mid to late 20’s, easy-going manner, swaggers as he walks, great facial expressions that screams subtext, wears jeans, cowboy shirt and hat. Think Kiowa Gordon or a young Lou Diamond Phillips.
3. Core Traits: honest, empathetic, driven, deceptive
4. Motivation; Want/Need: he wants to simply lead Sarah and March into the desert and safely return / he needs to choose his true life’s calling while out in the desert
5. Wound: As a young boy, Johnny was with his Shaman grandfather spying on March and Sarah’s father the night Sarah was thrown from the cliff. For twenty years he’s kept the tribe’s secret and every day has regretted not bringing March to justice for the murder of Sarah’s father and her attempted murder.
6. Likability: He jokes to cover inner turmoil about his future. He’s smart, gritty and resourceful. He cares about the safety of the horses more than his own welfare.
Relatability: He makes Sarah feel at ease in the desert. He comes across as a friend who truly cares. When he is suspicious of March, we feel his suspicion because of things that March has said. He has a major dilemma about which path to take in his future.
Empathy: Everyone has felt the pressure when in a dilemma regarding major choices in life. He knows secrets about Sarah and March that he must keep to himself. We’ve all been there. When he gets bitten by a rattler and doesn’t want Sarah or March to know about it, we feel his isolation and fear and indecision. When he makes a “native poultice” and is determined to use Shamanic meditation to heal himself, we root for him. When he is miraculously healed, we feel relief and pride. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: This is another great way to learn more about my characters, what makes them tick, and how likeability, relatability and empathy for them can be used to capture and hold the attention of the audience.
Title: Shards
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.(Young Sarah is introduced first in a flashback so I want to dive into her LRE’s before the other characters to make sure that the audience is connected to her.)
Name: Young Sarah
Role: Protagonist at age 6
Likability: She shows us her spunk when she runs to escape from the large, bearded man who chases her near an Anasazi cliff dwelling in the desert.
Relatability: We’ve all been pursued by someone with evil intentions at some time in our life.
Empathy: We feel the terror that Sarah feels. When she is caught by the man and thrown from the cliff, her fear and our fear is palpable.Name: Sarah Cole
Role: Protagonist at age 26
Likability: She works hard at her job restoring ancient pottery. She knows she’s overworking herself but can’t help it. She needs to concentrate and stay busy to escape the demons that come from the piecemeal memories of her childhood.
Relatability: We all have done some activity to stay busy to avoid confronting something we know we should confront.
Empathy: She is caught in a vicious cycle, and when we see she uses alcohol to dull her pain when not at work, we feel for her.Name: James March
Role: Antagonist
Likability: He is sophisticated, smooth, cool, wise, and well-dressed with shaved head, white suit, and bio-mechanical right arm. It seems that he can read Sarah’s mind and offers suggestions for her to cope before she can voice them herself. He’s a busy man but will squeeze Sarah into his schedule because he feels she’s at a crossroad in her life. He pampers his dog – until the dog suspects something is off with the man.
Relatability: This is someone we would want on our side if we needed emotional support. He’s friendly and ready to help. Everyone needs an ally like this.
Empathy: He accidentally breaks a wine glass with his powerful grip when he meets Sarah, we feel his embarrassment and discomfort. When he exposes his vulnerability regarding the loss of his arm in a “hunting accident”, we feel for him. When he relates how the trauma put him on the road to helping others, we feel his pride and dedication.Name: Johnny Benally
Role: Navajo trail guide
Likability: He makes jokes to cover his inner turmoil about his future. He’s smart, gritty and resourceful. He cares about the welfare of horses more than his own.
Relatability: He wants to make Sarah feel at ease in the desert. He comes across as a friend who truly cares. When he is suspicious of March, we feel his suspicion because of things that have occurred. He has a dilemma about his future.
Empathy: He knows things about Sarah and March that he must keep to himself. We’ve all been there. When he gets bitten by a rattler and doesn’t want Sarah or March to know about it, we feel his isolation and fear and indecision. When he makes a “native poultice” and is determined to use Shamanic meditation to heal himself, we root for him. When he is miraculously healed, we feel relief and pride. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Character Intrigue
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: This is great! It is so helpful to have an exercise that walks me through ways to reveal and unlock the layers within all my characters. I came up with layers for several characters that up until now I was unaware of.
Title: Shards
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.Name: Sarah Cole
Role: Protagonist at age 26
Hidden agendas:
Competition: in a power struggle with March over which memory to believe and which to not.
Conspiracies:
Secrets: Sarah recalls her father’s terrified expression when he was stabbed to death in the cave.
Deception: Says she believes certain conclusions of March but then uses subtext to show she doesn’t.
Unspoken Wound: Sarah feels she is responsible for the death of her father in the desert 20 years ago.
Secret Identity:
How subtext will show up: When Sarah avoids remembering specific memories, when she comes out of a trance and demonstrates she doesn’t believe March’s conclusions, when she claims she is okay emotionally but is actually a total wreck, in her interactions with young Sarah.Name: Young Sarah
Role: Protagonist at age 6
Hidden agendas: Sarah doesn’t want to go to school so she does everything she can to please her father and make herself indispensable, including separating sellable artifacts from junk, in the hope he will need her around so much that he won’t make her go to school.
Competition: in a power struggle with older Sarah to get her to see there are three versions of the truth.
Conspiracies:
Secrets: She disobeyed her father and wandered off by herself to discover the treasure cave.
Deception:
Unspoken Wound: She witnessed father’s murder in the cave and feels responsible for his death.
Secret Identity: She is the true spirit of older Sarah.
How subtext will show up: All of young Sarah’s scenes are seen in flashbacks. She will use subtext to give older Sarah vital clues. But she also uses subtext that totally confuses Sarah. This subtext is directly due to false memories that March plants in Sarah’s mind to trigger her guilt so he can control her.Name: James March
Role: Antagonist
Hidden agendas: March has a plan to help Sarah remember the location of the lost treasure cave. When she remembers and leads him to it, he will kill her.
Competition: in a power struggle with Sarah to get her to believe in the false memories he plants so he can manipulate her.
Conspiracies:
Secrets: March tried to kill Sarah twenty years ago.
Deception: After surviving his trauma in the desert 20 years ago, he felt he had been given a new chance at life. So, he changed his outward physical appearance 180 degrees and adopted the persona and lifestyle of a wise, helpful guru. But his greedy, evil personality still lurks under the whitewash.
Unspoken Wound: March had to cut his own arm off to survive in the desert after killing Sarah’s father.
Secret Identity: March is the man who young Sarah refers to as, “The Bear”. A long-haired, heavy bearded guy in worn coveralls and sweat-stained slouch hat.
How subtext will show up: When March interviews Sarah under hypnosis, he can’t avoid missteps – things that we, the audience, will remember later and put together with the realization as to his true identity. (Similar to the audience realization in The Sixth Sense.) Also, as March and Sarah get closer to finding the treasure cave he is overcome with greed. His old persona and heavy 5-o’clock shadow reappear, and he has escalating problems concealing his true identity from Sarah and from Johnny.Name: Johnny Benally
Role: Navajo trail guide
Hidden agendas:
Competition: In a sub textualized power struggle with March over how best to treat Sarah.
Conspiracies: Johnny doesn’t know that the Shaman and his father, the Chief of Police, set Johnny up to be laid off and then act as a trail guide when March and Sarah trek into the desert. Shaman and Johnny’s father want to see which path Johnny will take: to become Shaman or continue in law enforcement.
Secrets: Johnny and Sarah knew each other as kids.
Deception:
Unspoken Wound:
Secret Identity: Johnny is a Navajo Sheriff’s Deputy who was laid off due to budget cuts. He is also the grandson of the tribal Shaman.
How subtext will show up: When Johnny must keep to himself the fact that he knows who Sarah is. Also, when refraining from contradicting March over Sarah’s therapy, giving comfort to Sarah, acting as Sarah’s sounding board, and as he struggles to deal with whether he will be the tribe’s next Shaman. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Subtext Characters
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: How important it is to look deep into my characters and find the subtext identities and subtext activities. This lesson in this class (and in previous classes) has had tremendous impact on me. These exercises drive me to “open” up my characters and see what’s really driving them. It makes the characters come alive.
Title: Shards
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.The movie that I used for my Module 3 Lesson 1 was Basic Instinct. Looks like Hal did most of my work for me. However, I found several other uses of subtext that Hal didn’t have in his example for this lesson. Great movie! Wish I’d written it.
Movie Title: Basic Instinct
Character Name: Catherine Trammel
Subtext Identity: An author who is the main suspect in a murder investigation.
Subtext Trait: Player, seductive, covert, concealing
Subtext Logline: A woman who plays with the lead detective’s mind at the same time she manipulates him into action that she can use for her next book.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Sexual interactions, the interrogation. She keeps herself high on the suspect list then does something – or someone else (red herring) does something – and we’re not sure if she’s guilty or not. We never learn at the end if she’s guilty of her boyfriend’s murder or not. Or whether Nick will be murdered or not.Character Name: Sarah Cole
Subtext Identity: traumatic brain injury at the age of six caused the loss of her childhood memory
Subtext Trait: In denial, the victim
Subtext Logline: An amnesia victim dulls her guilty feelings by burying herself in work, alcohol and drugs.
Possible Areas of Subtext: her therapy with March, her relationship with young Sarah and Johnny, her honesty with herself and what she actually can remember.Character Name: James March
Subtext Identity: A hypnotherapist who manipulates Sarah to learn information about his own wound.
Subtext Trait: Cunning, deceitful
Subtext Logline: A cunning hypnotist who leads his patient to remember the location of a lost treasure cave.
Possible Areas of Subtext: anytime March is controlling Sarah via hypnosis during office therapy sessions, when he and Sarah revisit the scene of the crime, and every conversation between Sarah and March via phone or email. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Actor attractors!
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: How important it is to dig into the reasons any actor would want to play any role in my film. The role must capture their interest, passion, imagination, and give them a real clear vision of how the role will advance their career.
Title: Shards
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.Lead Character Name: Sarah, 26
Role: Protagonist / amnesia victim1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? This woman is consumed with fixing and putting other people’s art objects back together because she’s afraid to confront her own memories, fix what she can and put herself back together.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? She must argue and plead with her six-year-old self (via hypnosis) and has running battle to help her remember what happened to her as a child.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Realize that she must go out into the desert and revisit the scene of the crime to possibly trigger her memories to return.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? On the outside she is a woman in control but on the inside is deathly afraid of what she may have done in her past.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? From shy and reserved to friendly and in total command to frightened, then to dread, then to pure terror, back to relieved and cool as a cucumber, and then back to afraid to…
6. What subtext can the actor play? She clearly voices what she wants but then take actions to show what she really wants. We wonder if she is playing March trying to get into his head or if he is playing her.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With young Sarah and March. She argues and fights with her younger self, not willing to believe that a kid knows more about her than she does.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through her combative interactions with March and tortured interactions with her younger self.
9. What could make this character special and unique? She is afraid to completely know about who she is and we feel sympathy. She is so good fixing other people’s artwork but so bad at fixing herself.Lead Character Name: James March, 50
Role: Antagonist / Hypnotist1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? It is a combination of two roles, the same character but 20 years apart. Each persona, character, traits and actions are very different, but the character is the same man – he created his newer version to move ahead in life after a traumatic injury.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? He is sympathetic but at the same time viciously schemes to learn the location and take possession of a treasure he rightly feels is his and that he deserves.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Early on, March uses his mechanical arm to defend Sarah from a mugger. But he seems to enjoy the violence. Near the end with his real identity is revealed, he reverts to his true self and becomes a vicious psychopath killer.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? A cool-as-a-cucumber best-selling author who uses charisma to charm Sarah into his web.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? From calm to over the top angry. From totally in control to a blubbering mess.
6. What subtext can the actor play? From the beginning he knows he’s going to pry secrets from Sarah’s mind and use her to lead him to the treasure, but all his actions will be of someone who is kind, understanding and helpful.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With Sarah he must always be on guard that she won’t suspect he is manipulating her for his personal gain.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? He was a know-it-all in the past and is the same way now. He need to sound important will eventually bring him down.
9. What could make this character special and unique? He has a shaved head and wears white suits, giving him the look of a distinguished Mr. Clean and… he has a bio-mechanical left arm with a black, “Corinthian leather” gloved hand.Lead Character Name: Sarah
Role: Protagonist at age 61. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? It is a breakout role for a young girl actress who can play a precocious 6-year-old.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? Young Sarah is gutsy, wise, suspicious and always headstrong. No one can tell her, “no”.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? She has fun kicking an unearthed Indian skull around like a soccer ball. She tries to put pieces of an Indian pot back together, imitating her grave-robber father.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? She has the opening scene where she runs from a man through the desert at night and gets caught, fights but is thrown from a cliff to her supposed death.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range? From spunky to fearful, from in control to confused, from giggling happy to tearful sad.
6. What subtext can the actor play? Young Sarah says she will obey her father but takes actions to disobey him. She has a secret agenda to do what she wants at any cost.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With older Sarah who she is initially afraid and/or disgusted with but by the end of the film is urging Sarah to find her way.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through the contrast of what she says she will do with what she does. Also, her dislike for March (as she knows him at that time), something she relays to older Sarah.
9. What could make this character special and unique? She is the driving force for older Sarah to regain her memory and finally be free of guilt. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Actor attractors for “Basic Instinct”
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is:
Movie Title: Basic Instinct
Lead Character Name: Nick Curran1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? It is gritty, wide-ranging and – based on the content – sexy and ground-breaking.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Nick is conflicted about his addictions, about how much power he has and, about what his life-vision is.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Goes after Catherine as a suspect, can’t help but be drawn into her seduction and still be a cop.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He comes off as in control, ornery and doesn’t like to toe the line.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? From blah to over the top.
6. What subtext can the actor play? Great physical reactions, eye contact and body language, great “sexual” action and the ability to deliver lines great.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With himself.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? As a guy suffering to compete mentally, psychologically and emotionally with his supposed suspect.
9. What makes this character special and unique? He won’t take bullshit from anyone, except from Catherine who is playing him.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)The scene where Nick and Catherine first meet. She is playing him and he is trying to remain cool under pressure.
Lead Character Name: Catherine Tramell
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? It is over the top both in terms of sexuality, facets of the character and dialogue delivery.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? We can’t take our eyes off her in every scene.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Seduces Nick out in the open with no shame or excuses.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She undresses – not in front of him – but on purpose in a mirror. It comes off as accidental, but she knows what she is doing.
5. What is this character’s emotional range? From staid to wild.
6. What subtext can the actor play? Great subtext in dialogue and actions. Her actions are all seemingly normal with no effort. She brings life to the character.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With everyone around her. She enjoys playing people and living life to the fullest – although she has a deep sense – almost out of character – when she learns that Roxy has died.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? In every action, sexual scene, line of dialogue and subtext.
9. What makes this character special and unique? She is driven to always win. She has multiple subtext traits that give her character much more depth.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)Same scene as above. It nails Catherine’s character’s wants, needs and plans in the first 5 pages.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Genre Conventions
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It forced me again to dig deep into my concept and find or rediscover thrilling hooks and scenes. I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes!
Title: Shards
Genre: Mystery Thriller
Concept: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
Main Conflict: Sarah is both afraid and desperate to remember how and where her father disappeared. When she suspects her hypnotist is manipulating her memories, she must get into his head to learn what he knows.
Sarah’s Old Ways:
Feels crushing guilt that she was somehow responsible
for her father’s death
Buries herself in her job at which she repairs
broken pottery
Low self-esteem
Afraid
Dependent on drugs and alcohol to dull her
emotional painSarah’s New Ways:
She won’t allow herself to feel guilty and
trusts in herself
She puts the pieces of her memory and her
life back together
Exudes confidence
Courageous
Trusts her spirit to guide her, not drugs
or alcoholAct 1:
Opening:
Flashback of 6-year-old Sarah is being chased at night in the desert by a man
in dirty work clothes, thick black hair, and heavy beard. The man catches
her and throws her off a cliff. A THUD is heard far below.
Inciting
Incident: Sarah, now 26, receives an ancient Southwest Indian pot to
repair. It has the same Anasazi Indian design as the small piece of
pottery on her necklace. The pot triggers a flashback memory of her being
thrown off a cliff. She is driven to learn more about the pot’s owner –
hypnotist, James March – and how he got the pot.
Turning
Point: Using hypnosis, March helps Sarah remember small details of her childhood.
He says he’s too busy to take her on as a new patient. But she pleads and convinces
him to continue her treatment and agrees to his requirement that she do
whatever is necessary to remember where her treasure father disappeared in
the desert twenty years before.Act 2:
New
plan: March regresses Sarah to her 6-year-old self to learn more about her
childhood and the trauma she experienced. It’s a scary session for both young
Sarah and older Sarah. We, the audience, sees that young Sarah is disobedient,
ornery and stubborn and appears to be March’s equal in both intellect and
willpower – and maybe too much for March to handle.
Plan
in action: March demands that Sarah must allow him to control both the hypnosis
and the questions of her 6-year-old self. Sarah gets horrible news from
March – Sarah’s father was a cruel man who robbed Indian graves and sold
the booty to collectors.
Midpoint
Turning Point: Sarah wakes from a session and “remembers” she disobeyed
her father and somehow it lead to his death. She feels it can’t be true. But
March gives her his interpretation of the “planted” event and which heightens
Sarah’s guilt and the feeling that she is responsible for her father’s
death. Sarah is devastated to learn this. March now has full control over both
her memories and her emotions.Act 3:
Rethink
everything: Sarah remembers her father’s words from a previous session
when he said, “Listen to everyone but only trust in yourself”. She confides
to a bartender, wonders if March could be wrong about her father. She even
wonders if March is somehow manipulating her memories and her interaction
with young Sarah.
New
plan: Sarah asks questions of young Sarah at the same time that March is
asking questions. She uses her younger self to try and get into March’s
head, learn what he knows and if in fact he is manipulating her. But then
we see young Sarah and her father argue about her disobeying him. Maybe
she is responsible for his death?
Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift: March suspects that Sarah isn’t fully
cooperating with him and accuses her of avoiding her issues. She admits
that he’s right on both issues. He says they are close to finding the
final answers and demands that they travel into the desert to the scene of
the crime in the hope the location will trigger her to remember what she needs
to.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict: Sarah and March venture into a remote area of
the Navajo Reservation and re-discover the long lost treasure cave.
Resolution:
In the cave, they find the skeleton of Sarah’s father. March pulls a gun. Now
able to face the facts and free of her prison of guilt, Sarah’s memory
returns. She remembers that March is the one who murdered her father and
tried to kill her. She is not responsible for her father’s death. A battle
to the death ensues. Sarah wins when March stumbles and falls to his death
from the same cliff that he threw her from twenty years before. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Transformational Structure
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It forced me to dig deep into my story and my characters, come up with the pieces of my four-act structure and lay them out so they make sense and have a good, logical flow.
Title: Shards
Genre: Mystery ThrillerConcept: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
Main Conflict: Sarah is desperate to remember how and where her father disappeared. When she suspects her hypnotist is manipulating her memories, she must get into his head to learn what he knows.
Sarah’s Old Ways:
o Feels overpowering guilt that she’s somehow responsible for her father’s death
o Buries herself in her job where she repairs broken pottery
o Low self-esteem
o Afraid
o Dependent on drugs and alcohol to dull her emotional pain
Sarah’s New Ways:
o She won’t allow herself to feel guilty
o She puts the pieces of herself and her life back together
o Exudes confidence
o Courageous
o Trusts her spirit to guide her, not drugs or alcohol
Act 1:
• Opening: Flashback of 6-year-old Sarah being thrown off a desert cliff at night
• Inciting Incident: Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. It has the same design as the small shard she wears at her neck and she is triggered to learn more about the owner – hypnotist, James March.
• Turning Point: Sarah makes a commitment to March to do whatever will be necessary for her to remember how and where her father died in the desert twenty years before.
Act 2:
• New plan: Seek answers by asking questions of her 6-yeare-old self via hypnosis
• Plan in action: Allow March to control both the hypnosis and the questions
• Midpoint Turning Point: March tells Sarah that she “remembers” something that can’t be true. She suspects March is manipulating her memories for some unknown purpose
Act 3:
• Rethink everything: Trust that her memories coming back are “true” for her.
• New plan: Get into March’s head, learn what he knows and why he is manipulating her
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: March accuses Sarah of avoiding her issues and suggests that they should travel to the scene of the crime in the desert and see if the location triggers her to remember what she needs to.
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Sarah and March venture into the remote desert of the Navajo Reservation and re-discover the treasure cave.
• Resolution: Freed from her prison of guilt, Sarah’s memory returns. She realizes March is the one who murdered her father and tried to kill her. She must fight him and wins as March falls to his death from the same cliff that he threw her from twenty years before. -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Subtext Plot
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I have several subtext plots that I plan to use in my script. Two of them are for sure. I’ll also use the Superior Position but it will not be as prevalent as Layering and “Someone Hides”.
Title: Shards
Genre: Mystery Thriller
Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.My subtext plots:
Layering: Childhood amnesia victim, Sarah Cole (26) works with hypnotist James March (55) to try and remember facts surrounding the location of a supposed treasure cave and the disappearance of her treasure hunter father twenty years ago. But March has a plan to manipulate Sarah’s memories so he can extract from her information he desperately needs. In the end, we learn that March stabbed Sarah’s father and threw Sarah off a cliff to remove her as a witness. He thought he had killed her. Back in the cave, he suffered a horrible injury and wandered delirious in the desert for a week and could never remember where the cave was. When March learned Sarah was still alive, his greed was reignited to find the lost treasure.
Someone hides who they are: Twenty years ago, March was a burly day laborer, who hid behind long black hair and thick beard. But today, March has a shaved noggin, is a thin vegetarian, wears white suits ala Mr. Clean and has a bio-mechanical right arm.
Superior position: There will be an element of this toward the end when we realize before Sarah that March is her worst nightmare.
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effrey Alan Chase’s Lesson 3 – Transformational Journey
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It has forced me, again, to really dig deep into my protag’s wants and needs and make sure that there is a clear “before” and a clear “after”
• Arc Beginning: Sarah is crushed by guilt, introverted with low self-esteem and has never had a loving, fulfilling relationship because she feels she is a bad person and doesn’t deserve to be happy.
• Arc Ending: Sarah is a vibrant woman who lives each day with the confidence that she deserves to be happy and can achieve whatever she desires.
• Internal Journey: from introverted and afraid to confident and outgoing
• External Journey: from not knowing what to do with all the pieces of her memory to putting herself back together
• Old Ways:
o Feels overpowering guilt
o Has a job putting other people’s broken art objects back together
o Low self-esteem
o Afraid
o Dependent on alcohol
• New Ways:
o Her soul is free of guilt
o She puts the pieces of herself back together
o Exudes confidence
o Courageous
o Relies on her spirit to show her the way -
Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Intentional Lead Characters
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: How much time I spent nailing down what I thought was already done. This exercise forced me to really get into the characters and make sure that they all work with and/or against each other.
<div>
</div><div>Character: Sarah
Cole / Protagonist</div><div>
Logline: A young
woman with only small fragments of memory of her childhood must battle her
fears and a cunning hypnotist to learn the truth about the death of her
treasure hunter father.Unique: The overpowering
guilt that she had something to do with her father’s death in the desert when
she was six years old has turned her into a fearful woman with low
self-esteem who is caught in the downward spiral of alcoholism.Character:
James March / AntagonistLogline: A one-armed
hypnotist manipulates the memories of Sarah to conceal his culpability in both
her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.Unique: He
looks like Mr. Clean with a bio-mechanical arm. But his bald-headed, white-suited, kind-hearted persona is just a cover for an
emotionally scarred villain who is psychologically driven re-learn the
location of the treasure cave where he lost his arm.Character:
Johnny Benally / Triangle CharacterLogline: A Navajo
trail guide accompanies Sarah and March into the desert, and unbeknownst
by them, has been sworn not to reveal what he knows about their history.
Unique: As
an out-of-work Navajo Sheriff’s Deputy, Johnny is torn between continuing
to be a lawman and his grandfather’s demand that he become the tribe’s
next Shaman.</div>
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
My vision: I will do whatever it takes to become the best screenwriter I can be – an “A” list writer who is praised for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help a writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: How hard it is to pick my next project. I was torn between 4-5 different strong (in my mind) concepts. I threw them all at about ten friends and Shards came out way on top. I’m passionate about Shards. IT WILL be a great script.
Title: Shards
Genre: Mystery Thriller
Concept: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist, not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.
Character Structure: Protagonist versus Antagonist
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Hi Gang,
My name is Jeffrey Alan Chase. I’ve written over 20 features, a number of shorts and a one-hour crime drama serialized pilot. I’ve won or placed in several contests. My last 5 scripts all received a Recommend. Very happy to be taking another SU course as I always come out at the end with a great outline and/or a great script.
I’m a SAG actor, a Nashville songwriter and President of the Tennessee Screenwriting Association.
Looking forward to meeting you all.
-
Jeffrey Alan Chase
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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What I learned doing this assignment is how the subtext of all my characters play into each other’s character and overall plot lines. Lots of lying and deceit going on.
TITLE: SHARDS
GENRE: THRILLER
Protagonist: SARAH COLE at twenty-six-years-old
Subtext Identity: The victim
Character Surface: She is a highly talented art and pottery restoration expert who suffered a serious accident in childhood which left her with amnesia and little memory of her life before the age of six.
Character Subtext: She uses alcohol to dull the pain of recurring nightmares in which she feels responsible for the death of her father in the Arizona desert twenty years ago.
Co-Protagonist: SARAH COLE at six-years-old
Subtext Identity: Happy kid
Character Surface: Frightened that she will be separated from her father if she has to go to school.
Character Subtext: She has a wild streak and often does things which are opposite her father’s wishes and instructions.
Antagonist: JAMES MARCH
Subtext Identity: The Manipulator and Con
Character Surface: He is being a nice guy in offering to help Sarah to regain her memory, albeit he plans to write a book and make money about her case.
Character Subtext: He will lie and manipulate Sarah’s memory to cover the fact that he murdered her father twenty years ago and needs to find a lost Spanish Treasure, the location of which is buried someplace in Sarah’s memory.
Red Herring #1: JOHNNY BENALLY
Subtext Identity: The Reluctant Spy
Character Surface: He is a Navajo wrangler who will accompany Sarah and March as they travel into remote desert where March will use hypnosis to help Sarah remember tragic events of her childhood.
Character Subtext: He is a Navajo Nation police officer who was ordered by the Police Chief to work undercover on Sarah’s cold case – and keep an eye on March who is suspected of murder. Johnny is torn between tradition and the modern world, in conflict because his grandfather, the current Shaman, wants Johnny to follow in his footsteps and become tribe Shaman.
Red Herring #2: THE SHAMAN
Subtext Identity: The Respected Wise Wizard
Character Surface: He is a spiritual leader who can do no wrong and is always right.
Character Subtext: He is hiding the fact he saved Sarah’s life twenty years ago in order to protect the location of a sacred cave. He has lived a lie for twenty years and must set things right with the Spirit world, Sarah, March and Johnny.
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What I learned doing this assignment is how my three, layered environments work with – and against each other in conflict – to create tension, suspense and drive the story forward. The audience hopefully will be on the edge of their seat as young Sarah and old Sarah search for answers they need to live as a well-adjusted, complete person who can enjoy a happy, satisfying life.
MY SCRIPT: SHARDS
Environment 1: Sarah’s current world where she is an amnesia victim and alcoholic who is afraid to confront her issues and delve into her memory to uncover the truth about her childhood. She feels she was responsible for the death of her father in the desert twenty-years-before.
Environment 2: The world of Sarah twenty years ago as a six-year-old girl. This is the world that 26-year-old Sarah cannot remember. She wants desperately to recall her childhood – while at the same time is afraid to learn the truth about her past. But…she knows that she needs to take the steps to recall her past so that she can be a complete person and live a satisfying life.
Environment 3: Sarah’s current world as she remembers each of the tragic events that she experienced as a six-year-old. She is “aided” by James March, the kind-hearted hypnotist who offered to help Sarah remember her childhood, but who in reality has the ulterior motive of manipulating Sarah’s memories in order to learn the location of a lost Spanish treasure in the Arizona desert that he himself cannot remember the location because he himself was critically injured shortly after trying to kill Sarah. James is the man who murdered Sarah’s father and then tried to kill young Sarah as a child because she witnessed the murder. James is driven to learn from Sarah the location of the lost treasure. He is obsessed and must find it. It is the only thing that he lives for. He will do anything and kill anyone who gets in his way of completing his mission – including trying to kill Sarah again after he learns from her where the treasure is located.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is how quickly AI can simplify and organize my submission. I can also see how when I tweak various areas, AI can give me new ideas that I can use.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Watch the pilot episode of “The Queen’s Gambit” again and itemize the layers in the show.
The Queen’s Gambit layers:
PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.
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- Major
scheme revealed: to sneak into the basement and learn to play chess.- Mystery
revealed: How Beth got to the orphanage.- Thought
the story was one thing, but it is another: Thought it was a story about
orphans finding a way to survive an orphanage. Turns out that Beth is a
genius and the orphanage will give her the guidance and stability to succeed
in life.- Major
shift in Meaning: Chess becomes a way for Beth to look at life, a series
of moves that can have severe consequences.- Hidden
history: Beth’s mother was unstable and committed suicide.- Hidden
plan: to clean the blackboard erasers often and learn to play chess- Major
betrayal: Beth’s mother doesn’t want anything to do with Beth’s father.
Jolene steals Beth’s chess book.CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
<ul type=”disc”>
- Secret
identity: Beth is a genius.- Character
Intrigue: Will she destroy her career and herself with drugs and alcohol?- Hidden
relationships and conspiracies: Other players that she has beaten want to
help her.- Hidden
Character history: Beth’s mother was mentally unstable.- Will the janitor turn out to be a
good or bad guy? - Will Beth be harmed by her drug
overdose? - Will Jolene turn out to be a friend or
foe or both? - Will the orphanage persecute Beth or
treat her kindly? - How will Beth visualize chess when
she doesn’t have access to a board? - Will Beth’s real mother and father
play a part in the series? - Will Beth achieve some big goal with
her chess playing? - How will her mother’s suicide affect
Beth in the future?
ASSIGNMENT 2:
TITLE OF MY SHOW: The Backpack
FORMAT: One-hour serialized
GENRE: Christian Thriller
PLOT LAYERS:
- Major Scheme Revealed:
- Surface Layer: Noah believes the backpack
is a simple, powerful Christian artifact. - New Layer: The backpack is a key to a
celestial battle between angels and demons for the souls of humanity. - Mystery Revealed:
- Surface Layer: Noah thinks the backpack is
a random find. - New Layer: The backpack’s origin is tied to
an ancient order protecting supernatural artifacts, and Noah is chosen to
be its new guardian. - Thought the Story Was One Thing, But It Is Another:
- Surface Layer: Keith Kane is a relentless
CID agent pursuing Noah. - New Layer: Keith is unwittingly serving a
demonic agenda, thinking he is seeking justice. - Major Shift in Meaning:
- Surface Layer: Noah’s quest is about
finding the rightful owner of the backpack. - New Layer: The backpack’s true purpose is
to awaken and empower individuals to become warriors in the spiritual
realm. - Hidden History:
- Surface Layer: Noah’s war crime accusation.
- New Layer: The truth behind the massacre –
a secret society manipulating events to create chaos. - Hidden Plan:
- Surface Layer: Father Zeke motivates Noah
to help others. - New Layer: Father Zeke is a celestial guide
sent to help Noah fulfill his destiny in the spiritual battle.
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CHARACTER LAYERS:
- Secret Identity:
- Surface Layer: Keith Kane, a determined CID
agent. - New Layer: Keith is unknowingly influenced
and controlled by a demon, making him an unwitting pawn. - Intrigue Layers:
- Surface Layer: James John, the wise trucker
guiding Noah. - New Layer: James is a former backpack
caretaker and celestial warrior with a mysterious past. - Hidden Relationships and Conspiracies:
- Surface Layer: Catherine and Noah’s
professional relationship. - New Layer: Catherine’s ancestors were
connected to the celestial order protecting the backpack. - Hidden Character History:
- Surface Layer: Gino, the retired detective
battling depression. - New Layer: Gino had a supernatural
encounter in his past that connects him to the overarching celestial
conflict. - Hidden Agenda:
- Surface Layer: Mary’s torn loyalties.
- New Layer: Mary is unknowingly being
manipulated by a shadowy figure connected to the secret society. - Wound:
- Surface Layer: Noah’s PTSD and diabetes.
- New Layer: The celestial battle has a
direct impact on Noah’s physical and mental well-being, with the backpack
being both a source of healing and vulnerability.
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- Major
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is AI can help reinforce what I feel are my two main mysteries. The AI returns are very close to what I intuitively wrote in my “first draft” of this lesson. But AI opened several new avenues of thought and helped me to widen the emotional horizons of both the characters and the main story. Still getting a handle on all this but very excited to see what next comes down the road.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Watch the 7<sup>th</sup> episode of “The Queen’s Gambit”. I watched the last episode of this mini-series for Lesson #7. The mysteries I noticed in TQB are:
- What will Beth do now that she is the
world’s champion chess player? - Will Beth have a relationship with
Townes, Benny or other players? - What will Beth do to support herself
in the future? - Why was Beth’s mother driven to
suicide? - Will Beth go crazy like her mother
did? - Who and where is Beth’s father and
would he welcome her back into his life? - Would Beth welcome her real father
into her life? - What will the relationship of Beth
and Joleen be in the future, if any?
ASSIGNMENT 2:
TITLE OF MY SHOW: The Backpack
FORMAT: One-hour serialized
GENRE: Christian Thriller
MYSTERY 1: THE MASSACRE OF AFGHANI CIVILIANS
1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.
A. Shocking Event: An Army Humvee on patrol in Afghanistan comes under attack from a house. An Army sergeant, NOAH ADAMS, returns fire but the Humvee rolls over an IED, and the bullets hit a different house where an innocent Afghan family is slaughtered. Noah is the lone survivor.
B. Secret: Now back in the States, why is Noah on the run with a battered backpack and who is he running from?
C. Investigation: The audience has been set up to search for WHY Noah was chosen to receive the backpack, WHO created it and WHY.
WHO: Noah Adams is ex-Army, homeless and on run.
WHAT: is charged with war crimes and dereliction of duty.
WHERE: escaped from custody while being transported to Leavenworth.
WHEN: a year ago
Part Withheld:
WHO is truly responsible for the massacre of Afghani civilians? One of Satan’s demons was responsible for setting up the massacre.
WHY did they do it? In the hope that Noah would die and not be able to fulfill the mission God has planned for him with The Backpack.
HOW did they do it? A magnetic IED was attached under the Humvee to kill Noah.
MYSTERY TWO: THE BACKPACK
When Noah finds the backpack, he tries everything to rid himself of it.
A. Cover up: Noah keeps meeting people who have a spiritual need for an item in the backpack.
B. Secret: Noah is on a quest for the rightful owner of the backpack but keeps getting told that he is meant to have it.
C. Reveals: It starts with the Humvee driver and Noah’s best friend, Corporal Simon Kane, who was possessed by one of Satan’s demons. It continues with Keith Kane, Simon’s twin brother, who is also possessed, has become a rogue Army CID officer who swears to bring Noah to justice, but in reality, wants to possess the backpack for Satan.
WHO: The backpack was created by God…or was it?
WHAT: It is the thing that keeps Noah on a quest to find himself and help others.
WHERE: Noah and the backpack are always where they need to be.
WHEN: and when they need to be there.
WHY: To spread the gospel and love of Jesus Christ.
Part Withheld:
WHEN: The backpack was created millennia ago.
WHY: To give a man a chance to redeem himself. Noah eventually realizes his tortured path to salvation has been engineered by God, to demonstrate that he, and everyone else, has free will to choose their path in life.
HOW: The backpack is a metaphor like the loaves and fishes, the unlimitable bounty of God’s love. No matter how many items are removed from the backpack, there will always be one item inside that will provide someone with what they need to change their life.
- What will Beth do now that she is the
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Thanks, Helen! Maybe you should be working in Customer Service. 😃
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I’ll send it to you shortly!
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Robert,
If you’re available for an exchange, I’d love to. I’m out of town until next Monday/Tuesday but may have time to get it read before then. Lemme know.
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I’ll send mine to you shortly. 🙂
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Just sent you an email.
From: Jeff Chase
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Robert,
Just sent you my outline. Looking forward to reading yours.
Take care.
Jeff
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Robert,
Jeff Chase here. I sent you an email today. Ready for an exchange?
Take care.
Jeff
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Hi Farrin,
I’m making some changes to my outline. Should be done Weds or early thursday. I’d love to exchange. My email is jeff@chaseinternet.com. Send me yours if that works for you.
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Hi, Lori. I’ve been out of town and don’t know if you’re are busy with requests. I’d love to exchange if you have time. You can email me at jeff@chaseinternet.com and I’ll respond with my outline.
Take care.
Jeff
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Hello fellow BadAss! This is gonna be fun.
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What I learned doing this assignment is subtext is a powerful way to convey information, ramp up tension and excitement, and make my script MUCH more interesting and professional.
MY SCRIPT: SHARDS
In the first scene, six-year-old Sarah is thrown off a cliff in the Arizona desert at night by someone she called “The Bear”. She lays on the rocks below, looks as though she is dead, caused by a horrible head wound.
Sarah is now 26 years old and a pottery restoration expert in New York City. When she receives a piece of ancient southwest Indian pottery to restore she has flashbacks of being thrown off a cliff. Why?
Throughout the story, Sarah relies on hypnotist and spiritual guru, JAMES MARCH to help her remember her life before the age of six.
As Sarah and March return to a remote area of Arizona desert and Sarah undergoes hypnosis to help her “remember” her childhood, Sarah has a breakthrough when James March tells her that she told him under hypnosis that she thinks she is responsible for her father’s death in a desert cave – and it was her father who threw her off the cliff in an attempt to kill her 26 years before.
After that, March offers Sarah a solution for her amnesia problem and not being able to remember exactly where the cave is – sing the song her father taught her as a child with directions to find the cave in the event she ever found herself all alone in the desert – like if something ever happened to her father. March feels like Sarah has made progress!
In the end, Sarah tries March’s solution…and as she does, recalls that it was March who murdered her father in the cave and then threw her off the cliff to get rid of any witnesses. Sarah realizes March is The Bear who threw her off the cliff in the first scene. Sarah and Bear must fight to the death. Only one will win. Bear wants his treasure. Sarah wants her childhood back. Who will survive?