[Jenifer Stockdale]

Scene Mastery – Lesson 2 – 12 Angry Men

What I learned doing this lessons is that banter with underlying tension is extremely important for setting up an interesting scene. I think the hold out of what someone believes is good “I just want t talk” – it sets up for the eleven convincing the one, instead of the one convincing the eleven that ultimately happens.

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[Jenifer Stockdale]

Lesson 3 – Engaging Main Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is that AI is racist – as soon as I mentioned that there were drugs involved, all of the character names given were Hispanic!

Wednesday Addams:

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[Jenifer Stockdale]

Scene Mastery – Lesson 1 – The Dark Knight

What I learned doing this lesson – start with bang! Suck your audience in so they have to continue watching. Put in a reveal if you can. My first scene was pretty clear-cut, but I realized the “reveal” I could add by just changing the way the scene was laid out (what the audience sees first, or I should say doesn’t see) makes it so much better.

Challenging situation(s) – everyone is potentially a victim, bank manager has gun, vault is electrified.

Intrigue – who is behind the masks? Who will live/die?

Interesting action – ziplines, “What bus?” then then bus crashes in, Joker takes off his mask, bus pulls pin, shooting their “partners,” bombs in hands, Joker nods when guy asks if he is out (of bullets)

Interesting dialogue – you don’t realize it at first, but the Joker is talking about himself! “wears makeup to scare people” – the count on who is sharing the money and not realizing the one who planned it is there, “Where did you learn to count” (and later finding out the miscount was intentional – “Told me to take the guy out when he was done” (right as he was done doing his job!) “Funny, he told me something similar” and then shoots him. Bank manager “The guys who hired you will do the same to you” – but then he is the guy who did the hiring!

Tone – serious, yet satirical

Lures us into story – clever and quick-witted pro/antagonist and we need to see what he’ll do next

Twist at conclusion – it is the Joker who survives, he gets all the guys he hired to kill each other

[Jenifer Stockdale]

I, Jenifer Stockdale, agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

This is lesson 2 – I could not put it on either of the Lesson 2 forums, so I am posting here so I can move on.

What I learned doing this assignment – I have had the basic premise of this story floating around in my head for awhile. I thought Izzy was going to have grown up within a drug family, but something AI wrote (?) triggered in my head that she was born in Mexico and was taken to the US when her family was killed. AI can really help to trigger things in your mind, even if it doesn’t tell you something,

A. Main Characters Circle: Wednesday, Enid, Thing, Tyler, Sheriff, Xavier, Bianca, Rowan Principal Weems

B. Connected Circle: Therapist, house mom, Morticia, Gomez, Eugene, mystery girl that looks like Wednesday

C. Environment Circle: students, townspeople

Calculated Risk – first suggestion for title, and not bad, at least for a working title.

A. Main Characters:

1. Isabella “Izzy” Rodriguez

· Unique Role: High School Math Teacher

· Secret or Intrigue: Izzy uses unconventional methods, incorporating drug references into her math lessons, to engage her students and inadvertently gets involved in their dangerous world. My addition – Izzy actually has a past with the world of drugs. She was the daughter of a drug kingpin who was taken away and raised by a foster family when the rest of her real family was killed by a rival drug gang. That rival drug gang thinks they killed her (maybe her sister had a friend over and the police used her as a cover for it being Izzy). Izzy has a vendetta and is using her students to get to them.

2. Carlos “CJ” Juarez

· Unique Role: Street-Smart Student

· Secret or Intrigue: CJ, one of Izzy’s students, discovers her accidental involvement in their drug world and becomes a bridge between the students and the street-level drug dealers. I like him –

3. Detective Marcus Ramirez

· Unique Role: Seasoned Detective

· Secret or Intrigue: Marcus suspects there’s more to the recent crimes involving students than meets the eye. As he investigates, he uncovers a link between the students, Izzy, and the drug trade.

4. Sofia “Spark” Martinez

· Unique Role: Charismatic Drug Dealer

· Secret or Intrigue: Spark, a street-level drug dealer, takes an interest in Izzy’s math skills and sees potential in using her to expand their operation. She becomes both a mentor and a threat to Izzy.

B. Connected Characters:

· Principal Anita Wallace

· Role: School Principal

· Interaction: Anita is unaware of Izzy’s involvement but notices the positive change in the students’ engagement. She unwittingly becomes a key factor in protecting Izzy from scrutiny.

· Raul “Razor” Rodriguez

· Role: CJ’s Older Brother

· Interaction: Razor is a small-time drug dealer who wants to keep CJ away from the dangerous world he’s involved in. His actions inadvertently affect Izzy’s choices and decisions.

· Elena “Echo” Garcia

· Role: Tech-Savvy Student

· Interaction: Elena aids CJ and Izzy by using her tech skills to navigate the digital aspects of the drug trade. She becomes a valuable asset in their attempt to protect themselves.

· Tony “T-Bone” Gonzalez

· Role: Troubled Student

· Interaction: Tony is directly affected by the consequences of the drug trade. His story weaves into Izzy’s journey, highlighting the real impact of

· her unintentional involvement.

· Adding Susanne Morris

· Izzy’s “mentor”

· thinks that her guidance has helped Izzy to be a good teacher, reach students

C. Environment Characters:

1. Officer Rodriguez

· Job: School Resource Officer

2. Ms. Garcia

· Job: School Counselor

3. Coach Thompson

· Job: Physical Education Teacher

4. Mr. Patel

· Job: Science Teacher

5. Mrs. Hernandez

· Job: School Nurse

[Jenifer Stockdale]

What I learned doing this assignment is that binge worthy shows always set up for the next episodes. We may not even realize it, but the writer is using techniques to draw us in and keep us there. I chose Wednesday, even though I had already seen it (*for entertainment purposes only*) so it was interesting to go back (it’s been a long time since I watched it – when it first came out) and look for the specific elements that were written to keep the audience wanting more.

1. Big Picture Hooks
   Ask this: What is the big hook of this show? There is a monster in the
   area of the school and he has killed three people, but he left Wednesday
   alone. Wednesday might ultimately end up destroying the school (as was
   foretold by a seer)
2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
   Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?
   When we first meet Wednesday, everyone in school moves away from her, she
   is smart, quirky, (spooky and creepy, kooky, mysterious and spooky…LOL),
   she speaks so eloquently (but not over-done, the way I feel Juno was), she
   is good at everything (she has perfect grades, she can fence, write, play
   an instrument) she is clever (the way she deals with Thing, sneaks out of
   the therapist’s office) she is beginning to have visions, and we see they
   are accurate
3. Empathy / Distress
   Ask this: What situations causes us to feel both empathy and distress for
   these characters? She is being sent away to boarding school and is upset
   about that, she has a difficult relationship with her mother, she is
   basically her own worse enemy, she was bullied by a townie, she was
   bullied when she was young, she is accused of being the downfall of the
   school
4. Layers / Open Loops
   Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only
   be answered by watching the entire season? Who is the monster? Why did he
   spare her? Is she going to destroy the school? Is she going to fit in and
   make friends?
5. Inviting Obsession
   Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?
   The cliffhanger at the end makes you need to go on. The character development
   of Wednesday is so complete and even though she wouldn’t be someone (in
   real life…LOL) that you would want to be friends with, you really care about
   her and worry about her safety by the end of the pilot

[Jenifer Stockdale]

I, Jenifer Stockdale, agree to the terms of this release agreement.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

I, Jenifer Stockdale, agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Villain has a Great Plan

What I learned doing this assignment is that although I have some ideas, I need to make them sneaky and not seem like the villain is doing anything wrong. I have watched THE GIFT and OldBoy as a kind of starting point for this screenplay (and need to watch Fatal Attraction) but I want to be careful and not make the villain obvious at all.

What is the end goal? To make Nemi kill herself
How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way? She is going
to systematically destroy her life – destroy her friendships, her career,
her family and then agree (in a covert way) that she has nothing to live
for
How can they cover it up? She pretends to be a friend and gives her
poor advice that creates poor outcomes for her
Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible. It needs to start
small, little things that are an annoyance and increasing get more
dangerous/damning to her life: MISLEAD – at the beginning it will seem
like her mother killed herself due to estrangement from her grandchildren
and she will get in a fight with her ex-husband because she told them she
died several years before. This is not her mother who just died, but is
the “villain’s’” mother and everything that happens after this is of the
villain’s design.

a. Her dog goes missing, which is very upsetting to her children. Her friends tells her something/tells her kids something that makes them mad at her (maybe she tells them your mother said she doesn’t have time or money to put up posters, but the villain actually offered to do it and then didn’t) But then after a couple weeks a boarder calls and says when are you coming to get your dog? This way the villain didn’t actually hurt the dog – because the villain at the end will be justified in what she does, so we don’t want the audience to be upset with her for hurting a dog (i.e. like boiling a bunny in Fatal Attraction…)

b. Her money is transferred from her checking to her savings so all her bills don’t get paid. She is hit with fees that hurt her financially (in a way she can recover, but causes issues like she can’t afford the birthday party she promised her child – maybe the villain pays for it??? Does it at the last minute, says she doesn’t want anyone to know, but then makes sure they find out, covertly)

5. Her car breaks down (certainly sabotaged) and causes issues with her kids, can’t take them places, etc. Something happens at the mechanic (need to get this from Larry) – maybe “she” called and said don’t fix it, so he sends it to the junk yard – now she doesn’t have a car. Maybe “villain” saves the day again and drives kids.Larry says have sugar put in gas tank, mechanic will at first think full pump, not unreasonable to have person say to not fix it. When she calls and says where is my car, he says you told me not to fix it and I junked it, you dropped off the title. Villain says he is a liar and they find title (she got a copy) but then mechanic’s shop is closed (maybe this is villain’s friend)

6. Something happens with paperwork at school (must have been a mistake) and she dropped all her classes – still went all semester, did work, etc. but is getting no credit. School can’t do anything to fix it.

7. Things heat up with ex-husband. She isn’t there when he comes to get kids, whatever, and ex is getting mad.

8. Someone dies in her family and she doesn’t get notified (villain takes over her phone, deletes messages, sends rude ones)

9. Friends also get “dissed” – she had plan with friends, but ends up blowing them off because “villain” buys tickets to some major concert and she chooses to go to that.

10. Her real identity as a “troll” on a website for parents is leaked. On this site she harasses her friends (tells them things she can’t tell them, like she thinks they are terrible parents). Now all her friends hate her and she is totally dependent on the villain.

11. Husband is caught with child porn, denies knowing anything about it – just had computer serviced – it must have been them setting him. Villain talks her into believing him and taking him back. (and maybe before this he has an affair and she talks him into taking him back then, even though villain set up the affair).

12. Husband is given an anonymous tip that she has pedophile in house – takes kids.

13. She is depressed, villain talks her out of going to therapy, will just give husband more ammunition for getting custody of kids – can give her medication (bad, illegal, gets her addicted and messed up)

14. Villain talks her into driving drunk (pretends she is really drunk and can’t drive her car). She gets stopped for OUI.

15. Gets her investigated by children’s services (has to happen before husband takes them, so before 11)

16. Gets fired from her job

17. Gets evicted from apartment (has nowhere to go – alienated her family)

18. Gets outed for giving her mother some type of medicine that killed her (but looked like natural causes originally)

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s BI Stacking Suspense

What I learned doing this assignment is that there are so many little things that as an audience member you don’t even “see” on the surface level, but underneath these little add up to make the thriller more “thrilling.” I also realized that the “banter” in thrillers in very different in a thriller than it is in say a comedy or a romantic comedy. I also kept track of this – the banter has an edge – (I also used the script to do this assignment instead of the movie because I have done this with the movie before and wanted something different, so things might not be the same) – when the psychiatrist is making comments like “usually the don’t send someone so attractive” with its sexual harassment undertones that make Clarice uncomfortable, it is a precursor for what is to come, so that when Miggs is inappropriate (we’ll just say that) with her, we are twice as appalled and upset for her. I actually found some things in the script that are too bad didn’t make it into the movie. For instance, the opening scene is a raid where Clarice is in danger, but then it ends up just being a training. Her running trough the woods with the fog, etc. was scary, but the raid trumped that for sure!

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s World and Characters!

What I learned doing this assignment is this story is forming nicely by doing these processes. It also allows me to “walk around with it in my head” and come up with scenarios that I will later use to fill in the actions of the story.

Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your
story that will keep us wondering throughout the story? I was having
trouble with the big mystery because I was having a dilemma with the antagonist/protagonist.
I think what I am going to do is follow (make the clear “protagonist” be
the woman who is the “bully” ) – when we see the woman kill herself in the
beginning we will think it’s her mother, so we’ll wonder all through the
movie who is harassing her and why? What is the issue with her mother? Who
is the woman who moved in next door?
Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine,
underhanded part that will live under the surface for most of the movie?
Someone is trying to destroy Nemi’s life. The underhanded part is the
online bullying that Nemi partakes in – cyberbullying of adults who are on
a grandparent’s support page Or should it be a live support group? Or
both?). We will think that Nemi is a victim, but this is revenge on her
(women who dies at the beginning is not hers, even though next scene jumps
to her with her husband saying you told us your mother died 5 years ago – and
not get into whether she is alive or dead – maybe there is a letter/some
sort of paper that will make the audience think that was her mother).
Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that
will continue to escalate throughout the script? The “hero” will
systematically have her life destroyed, there will be situations like her
dog will be missing (and there will be blood) and then a mobile dog groomer
will drop him off as she is looking for him, her husband will be seduced
and she’ll get pictures of him (and then we’ll see the woman get paid off)

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story: A few different “worlds” – the world of adult “bullying” which isn’t even on anyone’s radar, but which happens, the world of estranged children, which is becoming an epidemic and is also not known about until it happens to you, and Munchausen by Proxy with an adult – most people think it is only mothers and children, but it can be anyone (still mostly women are the perpetrators but the victims can be their husbands, parents, etc.)

3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions:

A. What is the mystery of this character? NEMI JONES – why is
she so angry and why does she try to hurt grandparents who are estranged?
What happened with her own mother (she actually Munchausened her) but it
appears that she hanged herself at the beginning of the movie.
B. What is the suspense of this character? Will she get out of all
the issues that she is set up in? Will her life be destroyed? Will she
continue to take bad advice?
C. What is the intrigue of this character? She has multiple online
personalities, she is a bully (and why? Because she can’t get to her own
mother)

A. What is the mystery of this character? HARPER NIELSON – who is she? Why has she implanted herself in Nemi’s life? Who is her mother? (the woman who hanged herself at the beginning)

B. What is the suspense of this character? Worry that she will get brought down by Nemi as she is her friend and her life is going downhill (this needs to be HUGELY important)

C. Suspense- Is Nemi really a bad person who will hurt her? Will she lose her children (as she is allegedly being investigated by children’s services for her association with Nemi (not real), will her own family get her kids?

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Big M.I.S.

What I learned doing this assignment is I have a lot to think about. My story is complicated (in my mind) and I need to think on a lot of these questions…

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Harper or Jane? Just like in Law
Abiding Citizen, I have a character who is seeking revenge – is she the
hero or the villain? I can start with the one who is the victim of
bullying (Harper who is actually the daughter of the victim because she committed
suicide) and move over the Jane (the bully who caused the mother to commit
suicide) OR I can start with Jane and we’ll see things happening to her by
a “villain” who is actually getting revenge on Jane for cyberbullying. The
point of this story is to bring to light that ADULTS are CYBERBULLIED and
nobody does anything about it. It’s all about TEENAGERS and maybe CELEBRITIES
or in the workplace, but nobody talks about adults who are digitally
stalked, harassed, etc. but it happens. I am in an online support group
and the “victims” are harassed by the “perpetrators” and I put those words
in quotes because everyone thinks they are the victims….
Dangerous Villain:
High stakes: I want my “revenger” to systematically take down the
life of the bully – ruin it to the point where she commits suicide
herself.
Life and death situations: I didn’t think of this before, but maybe
she kills someone in the bully’s life (and now I’m thinking of the rabbit
in Fatal Attraction, but I want the revenger to remain someone who we can
commiserate with, so I think animals should stay out of it). Maybe there
is blood and the dog is gone and we think it’s dead, but then a mobile dog
groomer brings it home?
This story is thrilling because? Because I am going to make it
thrilling – LOL – I am going to have one mystery lead to another, tension
in every scene and I am going to be bringing to light a situation that is
not in any other movies (at this time)

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: What is the main mystery of your story that will keep
us wondering throughout the story? This is something I don’t know yet. The
why, as in why did the woman kill herself? Seems as though it is clear
right from the beginning. Her daughter has estranged from her and has not
let her see her grandchildren for years and years. We writes a post that
she doesn’t want to go on living, then hangs herself – seems cut and dry,
right? Later we find out it is because people on the support group,
supported her alright – they told her, yeah, go kill yourself – and she
did, and there was no recourse, like there would be if she was a teenager.
Also, why is this woman bullying these women online? It will end up that she
killed her own mother (accidently) and has no way t hash things out with
her, so she uses other people’s mothers….
Big Intrigue: What is the covert, clandestine, underhanded plot that
will live under the surface for most of the movie? The daughter of the
woman who committed suicide will destroy the life of the bully. The
question will be how far will she go? She will try to get police help and
they will say there is nothing we can do, so she will get revenge (like
Clyde!) but she’ll just keep upping the stakes as the woman will continue
to bully others online
Big Suspense: What is the main danger to your Hero that will
continue to escalate throughout the script? What will happen next? I will
have scenes that seem like her children are getting taken, hurt, etc. but
it will all be fake (again, think of Fatal Attraction, but she is not the
clear antagonist)

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Lesson one: Law Abiding Citizen

What I learned doing this assignment is that every scene had tension – even the scenes that were not about tense moments. For example when they are doing the segue to “ten years later” and are just showing the DA at home and the fact that his daughter is now ten years old, he asks where his cell phone is and she asks, “Why, it’s not glued to your hand?” and then when she wants him to eat breakfast but he states he doesn’t have time, she gives him “a look” and he says fine, grabs a piece of French toast and takes a bite – “There, you happy now?” It’s not tension, like you’re waiting to see if the bomb goes off (as in later scenes) but it serves to keep the audience at a little bit of heightened level of anxiety, tension, whatever you want to call it I guess between this scene and the one previous when he talks to his wife when she is pregnant and they engage in “banter” it is tense banter – he is talking to the baby (in utero) and says “ass” and the mother says, “Language” and then he tells the baby that her mother is a “hard-ass” and she says “Heyyy…” This type of banter is not what you would see in, say a comedy, that would be funny and light-hearted – I learned that “banter” has a different tone (and different purpose) depending on the genre… I also learned that it is a good idea when thinking about the mystery, to ask the question words – is my mystery based on who, what, where, why, when, or how? – and if one of those is in your story and gets solved it should create another. We know “who” is doing it (it’s Clyde, not an accomplice) now the mystery becomes “how”? Multiple mysteries or mysteries that slide into new mysteries will keep the story fresh and interesting and will keep the audience on their toes. In this movie, there was a ton of “whys” at the beginning. Why did Clyde let himself get arrested? Why did he kill his roommate? Those were solved as it went along with a segue into other mysteries. It is actually crazy when you really look at movie for the MIS, how much you see that there is weaved in and out.

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Mr. Rice (the DA) or Clyde
Shelton – Clyde is the “protagonist” by movie standards – it is his story
from beginning to end and begins with him being the victim of a violent
crime. I did a survey, and most people consider him the “hero” but
anything you read online puts him in the role of villain. He is certainly
resourceful – to the level of genius. Maybe he can be considered and “anti-hero.”
Dangerous Villain: Clyde Shelton, if you believe the internet, but
in many people’s estimation, it is “the system” and the DA as the physical
representation of that.
High stakes: Life and (lots) of death. Clyde is going to kill
everyone who represents the broken system.
Life and death situations:
This movie is thrilling because? I think the BIG MYSTERY helps to
make it thrilling. All these crazy things are happening and we know it’s
Clyde, but we don’t know HOW. The INTRIGUE of what Clyde is going to do
next, how far he is going to take it (if you consider him the villain) in
fact, there is even a moment when you wonder if he is going to blow up the
DA’s daughter (which he wouldn’t do, because he is getting “revenge” and
she didn’t do anything).

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big Mystery: How is Clyde killing people? He is in prison…does he
have an accomplice?
Big Intrigue: How far is he going to go? What he is going to do next
(because each thing he does is bigger than the last
Big Suspense: Since the hero is not clear, this one is hard. Clyde’s
danger is that he is going to get caught. The danger for the DA is that he
is going to get killed by Clyde.

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? This is one of my favorite movies because of the emotional roller coaster and the whole thing I spoke of above – the hero becomes the villain (??) The movie also packs a punch in the area of a “moral dilemma” for the characters, the audience. I first saw this several years ago and still wonder WHY I root for Clyde!

[Jenifer Stockdale]

As a member of this group, I, Jenifer Stockdale, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Elevated Scene Structures

What I learned doing this lesson is that this is a great way to systematically elevate scenes and ultimately the scripts as a whole. I used this in combination with lesson 12 and elevated my lower scored scenes using these techniques throughout the script.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s screen Ratings

Spent a lot of time on this and combined with lesson 13 – if it was low, I did a lesson 13 elevation on the scene. I am writing a rubric for myself to help judge my own scenes as it is difficult to judge – if I thought it wasn’t good, I would have made it better in the first place.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Hi, I think I’m still looking to do a round 1 exchange. I have thriller (post apocalyptic) entitled Red Fever that has lots of twists and turns. Ready to give and receive feedback!

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Outline Exchange #1

Hi, I have a thriller that I am ready to exchange.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Fascinating Scene Outline

What I learned from doing this assignment is I added a lot of these elements to my original screenplay (because I wrote it in a class that had us use these) and now I have to make sure I add them back in. I will put in my outline each technique that I am using, that way every scene will have a least one.

BIG PICTURE

A. More
interesting setting – I am considering a fallout shelter that the kids
find where they can talk freely, maybe it even has a tunnel to the prison
and that is how they ultimately get into the processing center – maybe it
was an escape route for guards in case there was ever a riot – or underground
tunnels that my husband says are for water run-off, it doesn’t matter,
underground tunnels where the kids can go to talk because every where else
is under the scrutiny of cameras
B.
Superior Position – I added this somewhere already, but can’t remember
where – maybe something to do with the mother, that she doesn’t save her
or something, but it is in there.
C.
Misinterpretation – I had a big misinterpretation in the original, where Jack
says “they told me we would be mates” and Mariana takes that as they will
be mating – but Jack means “friends” (he is from Australia) – when he
explains it to her it kind of becomes a running gag – later when he says
she needs to tell him before she does something (i.e. goes to interview
the new resident) she says “oh are you my boss?” and he says that no, but
they are partners and he needs to know if she is doing something that could
get her caught because he wouldn’t know, and she says, “Great, we’re
partners now, not mates” – partners doesn’t work in this day and age
because it still has a romantic connotation (it didn’t when I first wrote this!)
In Australian lingo an “Offsider” is a helper/assistant and I could use
this – unfortunately this whole thing has been deleted because Jack is not
a new resident – I will have to bring him back as a new person but maybe
explain better – his parents were both arrested for the same crime and Jack
was taken from a foster home (a precursor to what would happen with
Mariana – but I actually never showed this). Also, this was funny/interesting
because it is part of Mariana getting her memory wiped and Jack says, “You
couldn’t have forgotten that I said that.”
D.
External Dilemma

CHARACTER

A.
Character changes radically
B.
Betrayal – I am going to have Jack spying on Mariana for the guards and
she is going to find out
C.
Internal Dilemma
D.
Uncomfortable Moment

TWIST

A. Major
twist – the whole story is a “twist” – it is going to seem like they live
in a cult (after being given away that it is not a post-apocalyptic world,
and then it is an organ farm

B.
Surprise
C. Mislead
/ Reveal – I have added events that make it seem like a cult and then when
Felicity tells them it is a cult it seems believable
D.
Cliffhanger

ANTICIPATION

A.
Intrigue
B. Mystery
C.
Suspense
D.
Uncertainty

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen Elevates Lead Characters!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I may have discovered another couple of things I can do to make sure my story starts strong.

A. Need Stronger Lead Characters – I was told by a manager to introduce a character earlier (in other words make her a lead). I have her in my outline earlier, but I think I need to introduce her even earlier. She is already a strong character, but I think maybe I did the thing Hal always warned us about and made her “more interesting than the lead characters” – bringing her in earlier gives away the fact that it is not a post-apocalyptic world much sooner but introduces another potential “world” (a mislead for the audience) – so that is okay.

B. Need Stronger Character Intros – I have Mariana being introduced “in action” because of the previous lesson. I have Jack introduced still in a lame way. Now that I am introducing Felicity earlier, I can introduce Jack then (in action). I will have him catch her in his “monster trap” and then chase her. Earlier he will be seen in the background with Mariana, but not seem like an important character, then when he is introduced it will be like when Mariana is paying attention to him – we should be as well.

C. Playing it Too Safe – The same manager who told me act I was boring, might have been telling me I was “playing it too safe” in the beginning. I’m not sure. I’m going to look at that, because it could be the issue.

D. Lead Characters Not Present – I may have to disagree with this a little. I’ve been told (as a producer) that it is best not to have the lead in every scene – as if they are sick, unavailable, whatever, the production totally comes to a halt. I do see that it is important not to have “tangent” scenes and I am lucky to have a triangle of leads and a strong antagonist presence I can fall back on, so I will ensure that all scenes move the story forward – no matter who is in it.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen Solves Major Problems!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I can elevate my script at the outline level and fix problems that existed previously. I was told act I was boring, but that act II really picked up and moved along. I was able to switch around some scenes, but making the opening stronger and starting my transformational journey from a more extreme point will make it more exciting.

A. Need Stronger Transformational Journey – by making Mariana start in the position of not knowing what is happening (having just undergone a memory wipe) and showing her as kind of a “chicken” (mother needs to comfort her a night) it does make a stronger journey. I had her as “unwitting” before, but not necessarily coming from a “position of fear.” Now that I have changed how hers and Jack’s relationship begins (he is waiting for her to get suspicious again) I am able to show her as true follower/believer of what she is being told in the compound. I will show her commitment to “Mother Savior” maybe by having her talk to children who are negative about her.

B. Need Stronger Conflict – I have introduced a guard who Mariana seems to like (and he seems to like her). He is symbolic of the conflict because he is a guard (who she thinks is guarding her from the sick people on the outside of the fence, but is actually keeping her inside the fence). There is also a guard who is mean to her, a townsperson who is mean to Mariana’s father and this guard always seems to come to the rescue. This seems to cause a conflict between him and Jack, but later it will be revealed that Jack is “watching” Mariana and this guard is the one he reports to.

C. Need Stronger Opening – I have decided to have Mariana get “deposited” by guards – or maybe just seems to “wake up” on her porch like she had been sleepwalking but then wakes up for real in her bed confused by why she is dressed (yet barefoot) and her feet are dirty – then she quickly gets in her pjs and washes her feet – her mother comes in to comfort her and she is really afraid of the noises coming from outside – very intriguing, because why was she outside if she is so afraid now? Why did she seem like she was in a trance and then awoke with a start? Why is she barefoot?

D. Need Stronger Ending – the ending is staying as is for now, Mariana is about to get killed by the commissioner when her half-dead mother comes to save her, then appears to die, then wakes up again and kills the warden (or should that switch actually?) the “bigger” threat should be the bigger fight – maybe they struggle for a while? I guess this would be better. If I give some audience superior knowledge and have her mother shoot the Warden – ugg…no, I like the Commish sitting with Mariana and just as she is about to shoot her – maybe the warden gets shot first though – IDK – maybe it won’t be the Warden, maybe it is someone “bigger” than the commissioner

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Story lines

What I learned doing this assignment is that my script will be stronger by having a clear vision of each character’s story line.

MARIANA

Beginning: Is afraid of the people with Red Fever, a conformist, does what she is told, but has a bit of spunk when it comes to other people and her attitude of knowing what is best for them. Hides when she hears screaming in the night, afraid when she goes out to get eggs in the morning.

Turning Point: her mother gets “taken” and she decides to look for her, Davis has been waiting for her to reach this point and the audience discovers that this is not the first time she has been through this cycle (goes to processing center, gets caught, gets memory wiped and is sent back)

Midpoint: Agrees to leave with Felicity to see what the real world is like

Turning Point 2: She is taken from the social services office to a foster home where she meets the commissioner (who is pretending to be a foster parent)

Major Conflict: Is taken by the commissioner to the Processing Center to have her heart removed. Her mother shoots the commissioner and the warden, then dies.

Ending: Meets up with Davis at the fair and goes on the Zombie ride

DAVIS

Beginning: Mariana comes to him and asks him to help her when her mother gets taken

Turning Point: Leaves the compound with Felicity (Mariana refuses to go with them)

Midpoint: Figures out that they are not in a cult, and that the residents were inmates

Turning Point 2: Puts the whole puzzle together – they are living in a farm for the human organ trade

Major Conflict: Goes to his parents’ house and has a verbal altercation with his father just before he dies (during the raid)

Ending: Surprises Mariana at the fair and challenges her to go on the Zombie ride

FELICITY

Beginning: Is caught in Davis and Mariana’s trap

Turning Point:
Midpoint:
Turning Point 2:
Major Conflict:
Ending:

THE COMMISSIONER

Beginning: Finds out the guards are erasing Mariana’s memory frequently and is very upset with them

Turning Point: Has to leave work because her son has collapsed at school

Midpoint: Has to call “plan b” and have the compound raided claiming it is a cult of squatters who have overrun the property

Turning Point 2: Admits the compound started only as a place to keep Mariana and her parents, then when they saw how much money it brought it, they made it bigger. But can 100% justify her actions

Major Conflict: struggles with Alicia when she tries to shoot Mariana

Ending: Is shot by Alicia and dies

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Character Profiles

What I learned dong this assignment: I just remembered I want to get EXTREME with their traits! Since hearing that, I’ve been looking at characters to notice if this is true and it is – and not just extreme, but frequent! In the real world we don’t wear our traits like a t-shirt, but they definitely do on screen.

A. Name: Mariana
B. Role in the Story: Protagonist, young teen who lives in
survivor’s compound but is suspicious of what she is told
C. Core Traits: suspicious, which she wears all over her
face, constantly challenging others, wanting to grow up and spread her
wings, but can’t in closed environment in which she lives, brave (to the point
of reckless), needy (whiny and always seeking assurance to the point that
she “harps” on things) , bossy (tells everyone what to do, including
adults), naïve (knows nothing about the world AT ALL)
D. Motivation: Want/Need: wants friends who she can
control, needs to be accepted by others and reassured that she is the “best”
E. Flaw/Wound: thinks she knows everything/has a deep
seated feeling that there is more for her and it gnaws at her
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: killed a man who tried to rape
her/get others to do her bidding
G. Internal Dilemma: wants to get away from her family and
grow up as a normal teen does, feels guilty about it because she thinks
they need her
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story?
She has lived in the compound her whole life and has “drank the Kool-Aid” –
as a teenager it is normal for her to want to be independent, but the
nature of their living situation doesn’t allow that, so her actions are EXTREME!

A. Name: Davis
B. Role in the Story: Mariana’s friend, side-kick,
confidant
C. Core Traits: loyal and trustworthy, malleable,
D. Motivation: Want/Need:
E. Flaw/Wound:
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: He “works” for the people at the
Processing Center, keeping an “eye” on Mariana
G. Internal Dilemma: When they actually become friends, he
has a hard time with the loyalty he
feels– should it be to Mariana or the guards?
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story?
Davis is Mariana’s FOIL – but ultimately becomes her sidekick and helper (without
her she never would have made it because they keep erasing her memory)

A. Name: Felicity
B. Role in the Story: The third in the triangle, access
for Mariana and Davis to the outside world
C. Core Traits: emo (on the outside) fun-loving jokester (on
the inside), adventurous and curious (has been spying on the “cult” for
years)
D. Motivation: Want/Need: to break the story of the cult
and “save” the children/needs validation from her mother (who moves from
place to place and follows cults to bring them down, but can’t seem to
crack this one and puts all her interest in that, ignoring Felicity, at least
as far as she is concerned.
E. Flaw/Wound: jealous
(or everything and everyone/feels neglected by her mother
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: is attracted to Mariana and has been
for years/be the one who can bring down the cult but not to save anyone –
to get kudos from her mother
G. Internal Dilemma: Mariana is so naïve that she doesn’t
know if she make a move on her, or just go with Davis (I am now questioning
if Mariana and Davis should be siblings…)
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? She
is their connection to the outside world – she is an outsider in her
world, doesn’t really fit in, so she is able to connect with them on a
deep level

A. Name: Guard/Warden
B. Role in the Story: The “lesser” antagonists – the ones
who are the face of evil that Mariana sees
C. Core Traits: evil, ruthless, will do anything to
succeed (though they don’t even know what “success” means in this situation),
one guard pretends he is someone else (think Firestarter and gets Mariana
to trust him, as she believes he is someone other than the “warden” -yet
audience knows after a while)
D. Motivation: Want/Need: to do their jobs well, keep the
people contained and “happy” but will hurt others to do that, “just
following orders”
E. Flaw/Wound: willing to hurt children/warden finds out he was
deceived and has been doing wrong for all the wrong reasons
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: none, it’s all out in the open
G. Internal Dilemma: none
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? These
characters are the antagonists that we see throughout the movie – they are
symbolic of the “big” evil, the hands-on, day-to-day (I want to say oppression,
but that word has a different meaning here…) so maybe “repression” of the
individuals in the compound.

A. Name: The Commissioner
B. Role in the Story: The big “antagonist” – the one who
made the compound and pretends to be “Mother Savior” the one who foresaw
the end of the world and saved the families who are there to carry on the
world
C. Core Traits: loving, will do anything for her family,
ruthless, dictatorial, succinct (to the point of seeming rude)
D. Motivation: Want/Need: the compound to be a
success/needs to save her son
E. Flaw/Wound: moral compass is broken/lost her brother
when she was young to the same condition her son has – is dealing with a
sick/terminal child
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: created the compound under the
guise of not wasting organs through the death penalty/having a heart at
the ready for her son
G. Internal Dilemma: killing an innocent child who she
loves to save her son
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story?
She is not just plain evil. She is a character who “does” evil, but if it
was written from her POV, she could easily be the protagonist.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Subject line: Jen’s Genre Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is it helping me build this story to be even stronger. I do need to remember though that I am making this more teen oriented (a note I got) and have to make sure that these (M/I/S) have a bit of coming of age attached to each of them.

Purpose: Thrill audience – right from the beginning when the zombies are taking the man – I want to add screaming sounds and show Mariana afraid in her bed – showing that a character is afraid will up the intrigue for the audience, as it will obviously not be a “one-off” – maybe I’ll even make it more of “routine” she gets up, covers her ears with earmuffs and hides under her bed – again this is a common occurrence

Life and Death situations: there is a constant underlying fear that “zombies” are going to get them at any time (at the beginning) and then there is the fear that the guards are going to get them (as they have gotten others). I am going to elevate this, but having “plants” so that the audience always feels this. Maybe the audience will know before that the guards are the ones taking the people (before Mariana) then when they see her trusting them, they will be scared for her. At the end, when the compounded is raided, this is the 2^nd biggest expression of this when the adults are killed and the children leave in DOP (bus that says Department of Prisons and Mariana is warned to stay away from anything that says that). Then at the end Mariana literally has a gun to her head, which is the biggest expression of the life and death situation.

Mystery/Intrigue/Suspense: As I have currently three twists I think I have the M/S/I kind of high – but here are ways I am going to elevate: I am going to have it unknown that Mariana has gone through the cycle of being suspicious and getting her memory erased earlier in the script – the audience will see that Davis is “waiting” for Mariana, but not know why/for what – this will cause intrigue. I will also have her mother get taken, which will be the inciting incident – people who have read it previously have asked why did she get suspicious? (call to action) so it obviously wasn’t strong enough – this also gives me an opportunity to build in major suspense – either the audience knows who was taken, and Mariana doesn’t or Mariana sees it happening and it pulls the audience in a direction of suspense wondering what Mariana is going to do.

Hero: I am going to make Mariana stronger in the sense that we see she has gone through this cycle of suspicion/investigation many times before, but will then have to save her mother, she will get caught then and her memory will be erased, she will end up at home and her mother will be back (the audience will think for a moment that she “saved” her – but then they will both have “supplanted memories” – which is another thing I am going to build on. It is briefly touched on, but I am going to make it bigger and more inline with the mythology of the process in the book I wrote where this is used.

Villain: I have a pretty strong “villain” – the Commissioner is shown, has a story line, etc. I am going to beef that up and ensure she has a full outline to her character arc. I can build more mystery and intrigue around her, as I can have Mariana see her, have previous information on her in the notebook (as Mother Savior, or maybe she doesn’t recognize her and audience does, or she says something about her being Mother Savior, then changes it, whatever – any of these situations will build up intrigue. I can also build up the mystery surrounding her, by having the audience see her doing things, but not have it explained right away what she is doing – maybe some hints that are dropped along the way -like a puzzle that is ultimately completed when the raid occurs.

Main Emotions: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty and surprise – recently during a table read I got a compliment from a reader who said every one of my scenes started in one emotion and evolved into another – I am going to make sure that every scene starts in one of these seven emotions and ends in another. That, I think, will make a wild ride!

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Four-Act Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have been able to elevate my script with this method even though I was originally afraid that I was “ruining” it!

Act 1:

Opening – A staged “taking” happens, zombies drag a man through
fence – show Mariana here, afraid . Pregnancy ceremony (looking cult-like)
Inciting Incident – Mariana
sees things that make her suspicious, Davis tries to get her to go into
the building, she refuses, but says she will go outside, she does gets
some information about the layout, gets caught, memory wiped, Davis takes
information from her and puts it in a notebook (that is well-filled, this
has been going on for a long time). Davis is trying to catch a zombie,
seems like he does, but it is Felicity and she gets away
Turning Point – her mother is taken and she decides she will go in
building

Act 2:

New plan – Mariana takes control, Davis is relieved, as this has definitely happened before, she sneaks to compound, she is caught
and she wakes up at home (with a gasp, like she doesn’t remember where she
is). She goes downstairs, looking for mother, shocked she isn’t in kitchen
making breakfast, finds her in bed, with a wound on her back, her mother
has a story about being attacked by a creature, doesn’t Mariana remember?
Yes, she was just making sure mom remembered, making sure she was okay
(notices medication by bedside) just a test to make sure not taking too
much medicine. Davis is disappointed that they are back at square one and Mariana doesn’t remember anything. Plan in action – They meet Felicity, who tells them they are in a
cult, they don’t believe her – but they become friends, she brings them
things (candy, a computer, etc. to prove world is up and running)
Midpoint Turning Point – Mariana sees that a guard she likes and
trusts is actually involved in the “takings.” They drag man through fence
and he stops and takes off mask while Mariana watches.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – They decide to go together into the building
and get information and then sneak into “the real world” as they are
believing Felicity now
New plan – they are going to get the authorities involved to “save
the children”
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – they get caught and are
told that the girl is right – the world is not over, they are the ones
with Red Fever and are being held to protect the rest of the world.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Mariana learns about
germs and masks and they escape, the compound is raided as a “cult” – they
discover from files that the compound is an organ farm. The commissioner (Beverly)
tells the Warden that the whole thing was for her son, calls Mariana “that
heart” and we find out it was all for Mariana but boy hadn’t needed heart
yet. Adults get killed, children get taken to Social Services – Mariana
gets taken to Beverly’s brought back to compound for surgery, just as
Beverly is about to shoot her in the head, Alicia kills Beverly
Resolution – Felicity takes Mariana to fair and they meet up with
Davis – go on Zombie ride, kiss

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Pitch Project

What I learned doing this assignment is that it physically hurt to delete my scenes and bring my script down to an outline. I kept trying to say that I would keep this line of dialogue or that one because it was so important. In the end I deleted them all and it was so hard! LOL

A. Genre: Post-apocalyptic thriller
B. Title: Red Fever
C. High Concept: A teen living in a post-apocalyptic survivor’s compound discovers the truth about the outside world – and it’s not that it’s in ruin.
D. Main Conflict: The guards who are allegedly protecting the “survivors” from the creatures outside the fence periodically kidnap people. They are symbolic of the group who holds these people hostage to have them breed children for their organs.
E. Transformational Journey: Mariana begins as an innocent and naïve “sheep” in the compound to the one who takes it down.
F. Opposition: The commissioner and her workers who keep the people in the compound until their organs are sold

B. After she witnesses something she should have never seen, a teen in a post-apocalyptic survivor’s compound joins forces with another resident and a girl from the outside to save the world as she know it.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

I, Jenifer Stockdale, as a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that I can use extreme character traits to make my characters more interesting. Just as I can “up” a situation, it will be helpful to have a character who may act in an extreme way.

Person 1 – This is a 30 year old woman. She is very caring, a great mother, a martyr for her children, and a complete fraud. She goes on TikTok and creates an image to lure people into her world and her drama and have them give her money. I cannot/do not have any contact with this person, so I couldn’t interact with her to do part two, but I could watch her on TikTok to see if I saw the traits. I was actually very surprised to not see her acting like supermom. She told a story about her daughter going to a neighbor’s for a cookout (the child asked and she just let her go) then she got hurt falling off a scooter. She seemed so nonchalant about the whole thing that I am shocked. She was whiney and complaining about things her children did. She let her daughter say the “f” word and laughed about it. I can’t imagine this is anything she would have done before! She did complain about her car and her rent going up (significantly) I think this is a set up for a money grub… This part of her personality is consistent with what I’ve been told about her and how she gets money from her “followers.”

Person 2 – I like this person. He is usually patient, but when he loses his cool, look out. He is generous, and very much loves himself, probably more than anyone else (conceited). I interacted with him when he was busy and knew that he would be bothered by me talking to him. I asked him who the person he respected the most was and he told me it was me. I told him to stop fooling around it could be anyone – not just someone he new personally. He wouldn’t change his answer – after three times of asking him he yelled at me to leave him alone, he was busy (okay, he would be upset if he knew I said “yelled” but he was stern and very clear that I was annoying him). I told him after he that it was important that he did this and then I asked him what he thought of himself – he would not agree that he thought he was great because he had just cut a piece of wood wrong, but I am asking him now and he says he is talented and arrogant – he says he is the top 5 percent in his vocation (he really is).

Person 3- Hard-working, opinionated/judgmental, stubborn, with a heart of gold, he would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. I cannot currently interact with this person because he is on Martha’s Vineyard, but I am just thinking about the last few times I interacted with him. I brought my fiancé (now husband, this was years ago) to meet him and he brought him in his garage and showed him a piece of metal that was steel fused to aluminum (which cannot be welded). He asked my husband to be how they got fused and he answered “Explosion welding” – person 3 was blown away! He had asked many people and nobody he asked knew it! My husband could then never do anything wrong in his eyes. He formed his opinion then – and it was fused! (LOL)

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is that I have ideas about the way people or things should be (or are) and I can just make small tweaks to make them stand out more. For example, the most exciting thing my lead does is complete crossword puzzles (before her arc). I have her buy them at the grocery store and originally I had her son grab a magazine from her daughter right after. Now I have added that the son gives her a disapproving look first (he can’t grab the magazine out of this mother’s hand even though that is what he really wants to do). I think I had this in the back of my head, that he was doing an alternate action (grabbing the sister’s magazine) but that was NOT coming out in the script. By adding a simple “look” at his mother, we know already that her crosswords are a problem (it is the way she hides from the world, engages in “absent presence.”)

Script I choose: I am using my script OPTI-LIFE (working title) for this assignment.

Scene 1 Location: INT. GROCERY STORE
Logline: Olivia, her mother, and her children shop and Olivia has a fantasy about dancing in the aisle.
Essence I’ve discovered: Olivia is stuck in her ways, and her family sees her that way. I can show it by adding some dialogue and actions that emphasis their thoughts about her, which in turn introduces that trait to the audience.
New Logline: After Olivia has a fantasy about dancing in the aisle, her family does and says things that make it clear what they think about her – a clear juxtaposition to her ”fantasy.”

INT. GROCERY STORE – DAYOLIVIA BRAGGE(50) an uninspired caregiver, pushes a cart in an empty aisle into which she drops items retrieved from shelves, barely even noticing what they are – – dubbing her “human robot” would be an upgrade. In Olivia’s imagination: Drowning out other noises, the Muzak comes to a crescendo, and switches to the original version of itself – an upbeat DISCO tune that catches Olivia’s ear. A disco ball spins. Olivia halts. She rips off her drab tear-away clothes to reveal a sparkly costume beneath. She shoves the cart aside and dances up the aisle. Her THREE PERSON DANCE CREW follows behind her, complementing her moves with their own. They get to the end of the aisle and PEOPLE who pass the T intersection – push carts, chatter and shop, and don’t even notice the performance before them.With a crash, the world comes down on Olivia – the Musak resumes, the harsh florescent lights replace the disco colors and her mother MONICA (75) walks with a cane, her daughter ELIZABETH (18) needy, but trying to be independent and her son Joey (29) the quintessential mama’s boy basement dweller follow — this is her dance crew -Back in her lackluster attire, Olivia looks down at the cart – there are more items in there. ELIZABETH – Just because you use the same brands all the time, doesn’t mean I have to. I don’t see what’s wrong with me changing mine, I am an adult. Are you even listening to me?Olivia turns down the next aisle. Her entourage follows.JOEY-getting mac and cheese, okay?MONICA-almost done? My stories are coming on soon.OLIVIA Mom, you need to shop, too. That’s why I brought you -MONICAYou just brought me shopping. Yesterday, I think – that’s all we do – shop, shop, shop. With a visual study of her mother, Olivia stops the cart.OLIVIA No, Mom, that was a whole week ago.Monica looks slightly confused.INT. GROCERY STORE – LATER – DAY The troupe gets in line at the register. Elizabeth picks up a magazine and flips through it.On the cover is a tablet someone holds in front of their face and that displays OPTIMIZE YOUR LIFE: THE APP – the only things visible of the person holding the tablet are his hands and some tufts of hair. Olivia chooses puzzle magazines and adds them to cart. Joey looks disapprovingly at his mother’s purchases, but then snatches the magazine from Elizabeth.

Scene 2 Location: INT. KITCHEN
Logline: Lewis gets ready to go out and tries to talk Olivia into going with him
Essence I’ve discovered: Olivia is a caregiver to everyone around her and when they leave it makes it even harder for her.
New Logline: Olivia helps Lewis gets dressed for a night out that she won’t be attending

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT Olivia washes the dishes before she puts them in the dishwasher. At the entry hall bench, obviously in prep for an upscale night out, Lewis puts on his shoes, then looks in the mirror to put on his tie. Olivia abandons her chore to tie it for him. LEWIS

Are you sure you don’t want to come? It won’t be late and all the other guys’ wives will be there. OLIVIA No, sorry, I have too much to do around here. And besides, I don’t have anything in common with them -LEWIS How would you know? You’ve never given them a chance. OLIVIA Because I’ve never had that much time to shop and get my nails done. Olivia helps him put on his jacket and then goes back to finish the dishes.

Scene 3 Location: INT. (MOVING) CAR
Logline: Olivia realizes Ruth needs her money to rent the juice bar and feels bad she can’t help her
Essence I’ve discovered: Olivia feels used by Ruth – she is starting to change, seeing that she is always doing everything for everyone else – and even though she is wrong, she thinks Ruth is just using her
New Logline: When Olivia realizes Ruth needs her money to rent the juice bar, she feels used and manipulated.

INT. RUTH’S CAR (MOVING) – DAY

With Olivia making a couple of false starts, they drive in silence for a moment. Finally Olivia turns toward Ruth.OLIVIA You didn’t go in. Why?RUTH I didn’t need to. I’ve been in there a million times.OLIVIA Right, but if you’re going to rent a place you look at it differently. As a tenant, not as a customer.Ruth shrugs.OLIVIA You’re not renting it. You don’t have the money. That’s why you needed me. You interrogated me about my money and then made it out like you wanted to be my friend – RUTH I don’t have all the money. I wasn’t trying to use you for yours. I’ll get it. I just thought we would make great partners. And I do want to be your friend. Olivia looks out the window.OLIVIA Just take me home, please. A tear trickles down Olivia’s cheek.

Scene 4 Location: EXT. POOL (in Africa)
Logline: Olivia declines the opportunity to go on a balloon ride
Essence I’ve discovered: Olivia is allowing herself to turn back into an unadventurous person.
New Logline: When a safari mate suggests that Olivia isn’t the “adventurous type” she agrees and then goes back to her puzzle books.

EXT. POOL – DAY

Olivia sits at the pool, sunning herself. A woman, CHLOE (30) walks by, squints at her.CHLOE Oh hey, you’re Olivia, right? Olivia nods.CHLOE Are you doing anything later this afternoon? Before dinner? OLIVIA Just the evening safari.CHLOE So we bought tickets for the sunset balloon ride, but now my sister in law has a touch of the stomach bug and can’t go. Would you like to come? You wouldn’t have to pay or anything. I mean the ticket is already paid for, I would hate to see it go to waste.OLIVIA Oh no, no thank you.CHLOE Not the adventurous type, huh? OLIVIA Not really. CHLOE Yeah, I get that. I’m usually not either, but my husband talked me into it. I swear without him, I would just be a couch potato, letting life pass me by. Let me know if you change your mind. Chloe walks on and Olivia roots in her bag – and comes out with a new crossword puzzle book.

Scene 5 Location: EXT. POND
Logline: Olivia meets River at the water ski event, where he is pretending to be a participant

Essence I’ve discovered: By having Olivia mistake River for a participant (he is there as a “representative” of Opti-Life which is now a group thing that people attend events together) he doesn’t look like such a creep when she finds out later he is the owner – it was her mistake
New Logline: When River and Olivia meet at the waterski event, she mistakes him for a participant and he goes with it

RIVER Oh, hey, you looked good out there.Alarmed, Olivia looks up at him – who is this stranger checking her out?RIVERI don’t mean you look good. I mean you’re a good skier. Now Olivia looks confused – how can someone manage to insult you and compliment you in the same breath?RIVER I mean you don’t look bad -OLIVIA Stop. Stop right there. I think I’ll just say thank you, it was fun and I’m glad I was successful. RIVER Are you going to join? Olivia laughs and pulls her phone from her bag.OLIVIANo, my friend got the app for me and I thought I’d try it out. It was fun, but I don’t have the money – or the time- Or the inclination – but she leaves that one out. OLIVIAAre you joining?RIVERI’m not, I’m –

Nancy clears her throat loudly and give a quick nod of her head – it’s better if Olivia thinks he’s a participant. NANCY

Hi, everyone, I’m Nancy and I’m your host today. Please extend a quick round of applause for the WalaWala Ski Club for having us as guests today. Did you all have fun? River and Olivia sit down. Everyone claps and cheers. Nancy brings the mic over to River. NANCY

Hi, you said your name was Ri – Hunter, right? What did you think? Do you like waterskiing? RIVER It’s not bad.NANCY Well, please sign up if you enjoyed it and we hope you’ll be joining Opti-Life for your next life changing event. Remember, each event is carefully tailored to you and what will be your journey to living your best life.ALLY Can I speak to you for a second? Nancy puts down mic and goes to Ally. OLIVIA

Hunter, that’s an interesting name. RIVER Hmm. So, I guess you didn’t like waterskiing that much, but how are you enjoying Opti-Life? OLIVIA I’m not sure, this is the first thing I’ve done. You? RIVER Me? Um – oh – I love it.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen Finds the Essence

What I learned doing this assignment is that there is more to these scenes that “touch” you in some way. I love The Intern and have watched it multiple times. Why is it a profound movie to me? I never really thought about the “why” until I dug for the essence. I just knew these were the scenes that made me tear up! This class is helping me to see that it is the under-the-surface aka essence things, that are making them emotional for me, not the surface things. I understand now that Jules being standoffish to Ben is bigger than just a human reacting to another because she doesn’t want him around (thinks the senior intern idea is ridiculous – on the surface) – her problem is about her “letting someone in” to her heart, her life, etc. She closes herself off (and we get a glimpse of what her mother is like and understand why, and also her suspicions about her marriage help feed this guardedness that Jules has) from others and Ben, who is so pure and sweet, has to make his way in! We are rooting for him and don’t even know why!

Scene 1 Location: INT. OFFICES
Logline: When Jules ignores Ben’s offer to help, he finds others who appreciate him and his assistance.
Essence: Ben will be a powerful ally if Jules will just let him in

INT. OFFICES – THE NEXT MORNING Kiko, the one Young Female Intern, PULLS A HUGE DOLLY stacked with reams of printer paper down a row of cubicles. She’s delivering the paper to each desk. Guys in the office scoot 27. past her as she lugs the dolly forward, Ben arrives to help, pushing the dolly for her. BEN (cont’d) I’ll push, you deliver. KIKO Thank you!!! JULES – ON THE PHONE AT HER DESK notices Ben pushing the dolly as he and Kiko quickly deliver the paper. She also notices Ben is getting smiles and thanks from many of the Young Women he passes.

Scene 2 Location: INT. OFFICES
Logline: Ben cleans the office “junk desk,” Jules’ pet-peeve and she acknowledges him for the first time.
Essence: Ben, who just wants to be helpful, is working his way into Jules’ heart

INT. OFFICES Jules makes her way through the office, still in her sunglasses, carrying her iPad, holding a Starbucks. As she passes the desk usually piled high with everyone’s crap she stops short. It is now a cleaned up perfectly empty cube. Those around her watch her react. JULES Okay, this is thrilling. A few people nearby laugh. Jules takes off her sunglasses. JULES (cont’d) I swear I was going stay late and do this myself. ALI Ben came in at 7 this morning and did it. JULES Who? A few others look up. She doesn’t know him? ALI Ben. Your intern. Jules cranes her neck to find Ben, doesn’t even know where to look. Candice watches from her desk and hits the P.A. CANDICE (over the P.A.) Ben Whittaker! WIDE – A SEA of CUBICLES BEN’S HEAD RISES OUT OF HIS CUBE, wondering what’s up. 34. JULES (spots him – points to the clean cubicle) Brilliant! Thank you! Best thing that’s happened around here all week. Ben raises two fingers to his forehead, saluting her from across the room. The entire office applauds.

Scene 3 Location: EXT. BUILDING
Logline: When Ben accidently discovers Jules’ driver is drinking and driving, he must insist he helps her.
Essence: He finally feels, as is, needed by Jules.

EXT. BUILDING The Driver, MIKE, stands by the SUV, popping a couple of Chiclets in his mouth. Ben approaches, a bit out of breath. BEN Hey, how’s it goin’? Mike, right? MIKE Yeah. BEN I’m Ben, I work for Jules. MIKE (not much eye contact) She’ll be down in a minute. BEN I know, look, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but I just happened to have looked out the window and it appeared you were drinking something from a bag, so — 37. LEWIS (cont’d) MIKE (heading for the car) I don’t know what you’re talking about Pops. BEN (sees Jules heading out) Why don’t you tell Jules you can’t drive her today or I’m gonna have to. Jules arrives, sees Mike and Ben. JULES (to Mike) We all good? MIKE Yeah. Mike opens the rear passenger door, Jules gets in. As Mike is about to close the door, he looks up, sees Ben has moved closer. MIKE (cont’d) — Jules… (She looks up at him) Sorry to do this, but I’m actually not feelin’ so hot — not sure I should be driving. Wouldn’t want to give you anything. JULES Oh, sure, yeah. No, take the day off and feel better, okay? Mike thanks Jules and EXITS. Jules immediately washes her hands with Purell, checks her watch. BEN (O.S.) I’m happy to cover for Mike.. JULES (Jules looks up, sees Ben at the open door, holding the car keys) That’s okay, Becky can drive me. BEN Really?

Scene 4 Location: INT. SUV – MOVING
Logline: After Ben even gains approval from Jules’ family, she betrays him by asking for him to be transferred.
Essence: Jules is afraid to let Ben in.

INT. SUV – MOVING – DAY Paige sits in her car-seat looking at a book. Jules is next to her, on her iPad, answering e-mails. BEN Matt seems like a terrific guy. (Jules looks up) Sorry didn’t mean to interrupt. 54. JULES (back to her e-mails) That’s okay. I agree. He is. PAIGE Who? The Dad? JULES (laughs, then to Ben) That’s what the other kids call him because he’s the only Dad in a sea of Moms. BEN I’ve read about these househusbands. Interesting, how that all worked just now. JULES They actually prefer to be called Stay-at-Home Dads. BEN Oh, sorry. Did not know that. Well, it’s very admirable. He’s a real 21st century father. JULES Yes, he is, which beats my 20th Century father, by a long shot. (stops typing) Matt had a really good job in marketing but when CTF took off, he left to be a full-time Dad. Saved our butts. Jules and Ben’s eyes meet in the rear view mirror. Ben nods, not wanting to go on too much about this. Jules returns to her iPad. Writes an EMAIL TO CANDICE. JULES EMAIL C – Love if you would transfer Ben to another team. K? (looks outside) Oh. We’re here big girl!

Scene 5 Location: INT. OFFICES
Logline: Jules makes a real connection with Ben, but she has already asked him to be moved.
Essence: She has made a big mistake, but doesn’t realize it yet.

INT. OFFICES – SAME TIME The place is nearly empty. Jules is working alone in her Conference Room, takes a bite of a slice of pizza. She notices Ben, way across the field of desks, also eating. ANGLE – BEN Typing slowly at his computer and eating a Subway. He notices Jules approaching, carrying a pizza box and two bottles of beer. He wonders where she’s headed. JULES (arrives at his desk) I hate eating alone. BEN So do I. Jules offers Ben a beer, pulls up a chair. 62. JULES I swiped these from the tech fridge. BEN Nice goin’. (toasts her) Cheers. JULES Want a slice? BEN Sure. Thanks. (treading lightly) I noticed a couple of hours ago you had a meeting with another possible CEO. Saw him arrive. How’d that go? JULES Was going well until he called us, I believe the term he used was a “chick site.” Then I didn’t hear anything he said after that. BEN Nooo. JULES Apparently selling “clothes” makes us a chick site. I mean, really? How is this not legit? BEN Couldn’t agree more. I find that… surprising. JULES Sexism in business? Really? (takes a swig of her beer) What did you do for work Ben, before you retired? BEN I was a VP for Dex One. JULES … Phone books? BEN I was in charge of printing, before that ran sales and advertising. JULES So big jobs… (Ben nods) Wait, wasn’t this a factory that 63. (MORE) made phone books..? (Ben smiles…) No! What? This is where you worked? BEN For almost forty years. (Jules can’t believe it) For twenty-some years I sat right by that window. That was my office. It was up a few steps back then. I could look out over the whole factory. Our printing presses were in that corner. That’s why the floor dips back there. JULES Nooooo…. BEN I know everything about this building. Or used to. You know the Sycamores out front? JULES Yeah, I love them. BEN I remember the day they were planted. JULES (wipes a tear) Is it totally weird being back here? BEN No, feels like home. Remodeled but home. JULES (takes a sip of beer, notices Ben’s screen) So you’re on Facebook, huh? BEN Well, I’m trying to figure it out. I joined ten minutes ago. JULES Better late than never. Want some help? BEN I’d love some but, really, you don’t have to waste your time. 64. JULES (cont’d) JULES — I need a diversion. You have a photo of yourself? BEN No, do I need one? JULES (takes out her phone) If you want to find all those hotties from high school. Hold on. (takes Ben’s photo, looks at it) Cute. I’ll send it to you. Okay, now there’s these questions for your profile that you can answer if you want or not. (scans them) Religious beliefs, political beliefs, people who inspire you… BEN Jules Ostin. (Jules shoots him a look) I’m not trying to brown-nose you, but I’ve been in business a long time and have never run across anyone quite like you. You do inspire, Jules. JULES You know what? I just knew a woman at the end of the day with a glass of wine and a laptop had real shopping potential. And if we actually promise her things would fit… BEN See — that’s what I mean. JULES (changing subject, reads his screen) Okay do you have a favorite quote? BEN I do. You’re never wrong to do the right thing. JULES Who said that — you? BEN Yes, but Mark Twain said it first. Jules laughs as she types the quote into Ben’s profile. 65. JULES Favorite music? BEN Oh, jeez. Sam Cooke — one my all time faves. Love Miles Davis, Billie Holiday… JULES She was great, huh? Hold on… (goes on iTunes) What’s your favorite song of hers? BEN These Foolish Things. Jules buys the song and it BEGINS. JULES Transports you, doesn’t it? BEN Every time. JULES Okay. Books? BEN Love Clancy. Ludlum. Crazy about Harry Potter. JULES (types those in) Matt loves Harry Potter too. JULES (cont’d) What about your status? Married, single…? BEN Widower. JULES Oh, I’m sorry. I think we should say single then… Okay, now you know what you need? (Ben looks to her) Someone to friend. BEN I’ll be friends with the other interns. They’ll show me how to do it the morning. JULES You can friend me. 66. BEN Thank you. Jules types in her name and confirms. JULES Okay, congrats — you’re now part of the Facebook generation. (finishes her beer, rises) I’ve got about another hour of work. You good with that? BEN Of course. This was great, Jules. JULES Yeah, nice to have an adult conversation with an adult man. You know what I mean, not about work and not about… BEN I know what you mean. Jules nods and awkwardly waves, heading back.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is that it is good to know the reason behind why a character might go through a change. By being aware of this, I am assuring things aren’t “happening to her” – she is making the choice.

Tell us your logline for the transformational
journey. A woman with no identity outside of her family goes on an
adventure of self-discovery and self-care to not only learn who she is,
but to become the woman she was meant to be.

Tell us what you see as the Old
Ways: Takes care of her family, dropped her own life/dreams to be a wife/mother
and then care-giving daughter, does nothing for herself.

Tell us what you see as the New
Ways: Has discovered who she is and what she wants, and doesn’t allow
others to dictate her life’s path

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s First Three Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is that I may need to change the end of my story because I have her meeting a new guy and I wondering if that is not a “change” – it just brings her back to where she started as a “wife” – I really need to think on this end….

What is your profound truth? Live your best life, you’ve only got
one

What is the change your movie will cause with an audience? Self care
is important – you only have one life, so don’t take care of others only
What is your Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story
through?

A woman who has only the identity to being a daughter, a mother,
and wife, loses all the people who define her and through an APP discovers herself

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale – Groundhog Day Analysis

What I learned doing this assignment: I had an ahha moment about character levels – I think this is a huge component of profound movies, and I’m sticking to it.

What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie? The change is about how Phil views the world and his role in it. In some other screenwriting class I took they talked about character levels – a level 1 character only cares for themselves (or “has” only themselves), level 2 cares for one other person, level 3 cares for a family/group (literal family, gangster family, sports team) level 4 cares for a community and level 5 cares for the world. Whatever this book/class was said that every character goes from one level to the other and that is the change in every (good) story. Their biggest example was Scrooge – he went from a level 1 to a level 5. Phil goes from a level 1 to a level 2 (actually he is trying to go to a level 2 – get with Rita and ends up being a level 4). I actually had an ah ha moment after typing this and then listening to The Breakfast Club Analysis (who all moved from level 3 to level 4) and realizing that Neo changes levels, as does Sara Connor – that this is a hugely important process for a character in a profound movie. I also just had another thought – is the gradient of change moving up the levels? I also realized that my own best screenplays have level shifts. The screenplay I am running through this class has a woman who moves down levels, because her caring for her family is to her detriment – she does not take care of herself, etc. because she is always taking care of them. Lead characters: Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change? Rita is the change agent. She makes Phil not be the self-centered man he thinks he should be and makes him allow her to be in his circle of “caring” Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey? Phil is the Transformable Character – he is a level 1 character who needs to move to a different level (and actually now that I think about it, he actually goes to a level 4 when he uses his “superpower” (knowing what is going to happen) to help other people (save the old man, catch the boy, buy the insurance) What is the Oppression? Society’s place/expectation for men. How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story? I think that when we see Rita playing with the greenscreen we want to know her. We know this person is going to be good for Phil who we already see is a jerk. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion: Phil goes through a more profound change than most character have time to do within a movie. Since it’s what, 10,000 years he has to change? LOL. With my new ah ha moment, I am going to say Phil goes from a level 1 to a level 4 (which is evident by his line that he wants to stay in the town) What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing? At first he tries to use his superpower to sleep with women. He meets a woman at the event and pretends to know her from school and takes her to bed. He tries to woo Rita – and honestly he gets close – he impresses her by knowing things, by surprising her with his skills (playing piano, ice sculpting, etc.) eventually he starts taking it too far (shouting to the kids during the snowball fight for example) and ends up getting smacked by Rita over and over. I stopped here previously, and now I am thinking that the gradient of change is moving through the levels. I think Phil moves to a level 2 when he really starts to care for Rita and to a level 3 when he is caring toward the people immediately around him Crew, woman at the B&B, Ned and then when he starts helping people in the town – the boy who falls from the tree, the homeless man – he has officially become a level 4. It is not until he is doing it to do, because he really cares, because he truly is a level 4 and not just trying to get with Rita that he escapes from being stuck in the same day. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change? Phil only cares about himself. When he “cares” for Rita at first, it’s just to get her in bed – when he gets to know her (as he has enough to do that and get out of his caring only for himself mode) and starts to really care for her, his beliefs that he is the only one worthy of his attention is challenged. Now of course without backstory (that we don’t need) we don’t know why Phil is like this, but we can deduce that because he is older and doesn’t have a wife/children/a serious girlfriend that maybe he recently had something go wrong with a relationship, or maybe he has issues with abandonment from his childhood – who knows – all we need to know is that he doesn’t connect with others for some reason. What are the most profound moments of the movie? I have recently realized that the profound moments are when he changes levels (i.e. when he saves the boy, when he tries to save the homeless man – and really cares about doing so) What are the most profound lines of the movie? I think when Phil says he wants to move to the town – we know he is a level 4 character How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie? Level 1 – to level 4 What is the Profound Truth of this movie? Everyone can change – no matter how much of a jerk they are (which I think is the same as Scrooge and Nichols Cage’s movie Family Man)

[Jenifer Stockdale]

I’m halfway through finishing my first draft and I’m continuing to move forward!

[Jenifer Stockdale]

I have a thriller and am ready to exchange

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer has tested every line

I write every day, producing not only high volume, but high quality scripts and screenplays that are ultimately made into movies and television shows. I am invited to be a mentor at seminars, summits and safaris.

I don’t know if I should brag about this – because it probably means I was wordsmithing when I shouldn’t have been, but my descriptions were pretty lean…

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s has Incredible Monologues

I write every day, producing not only high volume, but high quality scripts and screenplays that are ultimately made into movies and television shows. I am invited to be a mentor at seminars, summits and safaris.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that by taking out a line of Dacey’s dialogue I could make what Ward says much more powerful. He may not be an Amanda Priestly, but I don’t think it’s half bad…

I also learned that I still have trouble posting on these forums! I accidentally hit reply instead of going down to post and it disappears!

2. Using the steps above, write a monologue for each of your lead characters.

3. Tell us the setup for the scene, then present the scene, including the monologue.

4. Present these elements for each monologue.

Demanded by the situation
Takes us to a deeper place
Turning point
Emotional
High stakes
A beginning, middle, and
ending.

Dacey has just come home from what she thought was a date with Ward (he didn’t show up) to find that her children and all their furniture, etc. is gone.

INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS – NIGHT

Dacey flies into the kitchen and grabs the phone – breathless.

DACEY

Hello?

No answer.

She was too late.

DACEY

Hello. Is anyone there? Ward?

WARD (V.O.)

Dacey, Dacey, Dacey. You didn’t honestly think I was going to leave my children with you, did you?

DACEY

Your children? I am Meg and Jimmy’s mother. You bring them back to me now before I call the police.

WARD (O.S.)

That would be a mistake don’t you think? I mean that man, and what you did. You wouldn’t want that coming out –

DACEY

I didn’t do anything! It was you. I remembered and was protecting you!

WARD (O.S.)

You shouldn’t have, now it will just look like you’re retaliating against me. Keep your damn mouth shut, leave me alone, and I’ll let you see the kids, on my schedule.

DACEY

No, Ward, bring them home immediately and I’ll consider not pressing charges against you.

WARD

I can’t believe you still think you can bargain with me. You’re out of options, Dacey. Sleep disorder, humph. That’s your mother’s rich bitch way of hiding the fact that she’s crazy, and now you’re borrowing a page from her playbook. See, Dacey, the poor folks end up in the place where you work, and people like you, and your mother, you can find a doctor who will give you a fancy diagnosis. Something that is innocuous. Something that seems so simple yet can be used to explain away delusions as vivid dreams or sleepwalking or whatever they call it these days. But, say it is true, it doesn’t even matter. You’re a mess, regardless of what the doctors say you have, and I don’t want to deal with it. And I most certainly don’t want my children exposed to it. Get some real help. Deal with what your mother did to you when you were young and maybe I’ll consider letting you see them unsupervised.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Beat Sheet Draft 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that I didn’t do the beat sheet right in the first place so I already had a lot of this. It’s all good though, weekends are really the only time I have a significant amount of time to write, so it was better that I got ahead of myself.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer has amazing monologues!

I write every day, producing not only high volume, but high quality scripts and screenplays that are ultimately made into movies and television shows. I am invited to be a mentor at seminars, summits and safaris.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that by taking out a line of Dacey’s dialogue I could make what Ward says much more powerful. He may not be an Amanda Priestly, but I don’t think it’s half bad…

2. Using the steps above, write a monologue for each of your lead characters.

3. Tell us the setup for the scene, then present the scene, including the monologue.

4. Present these elements for each monologue.

Demanded by the situation
Takes us to a deeper place
Turning point
Emotional
High stakes
A beginning, middle, and
ending.

Dacey has just come home from what she thought was a date with Ward (he didn’t show up) to find that her children and all their furniture, etc. is gone.

INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS – NIGHT

Dacey flies into the kitchen and grabs the phone – breathless.

DACEY

Hello?

No answer.

She was too late.

DACEY

Hello. Is anyone there? Ward?

WARD (V.O.)

Dacey, Dacey, Dacey. You didn’t honestly think I was going to leave my children with you, did you?

DACEY

Your children? I am Meg and Jimmy’s mother. You bring them back to me now before I call the police.

WARD (O.S.)

That would be a mistake don’t you think? I mean that man, and what you did. You wouldn’t want that coming out –

DACEY

I didn’t do anything! It was you. I remembered and was protecting you!

WARD (O.S.)

You shouldn’t have, now it will just look like you’re retaliating against me. Keep your damn mouth shut, leave me alone, and I’ll let you see the kids, on my schedule.

DACEY

No, Ward, bring them home immediately and I’ll consider not pressing charges against you.

WARD

I can’t believe you still think you can bargain with me. You’re out of options, Dacey. Sleep disorder, humph. That’s your mother’s rich bitch way of hiding the fact that she’s crazy, and now you’re borrowing a page from her playbook. See, Dacey, the poor folks end up in the place where you work, and people like you, and your mother, you can find a doctor who will give you a fancy diagnosis. Something that is innocuous. Something that seems so simple yet can be used to explain away delusions as vivid dreams or sleepwalking or whatever they call it these days. But, say it is true, it doesn’t even matter. You’re a mess, regardless of what the doctors say you have, and I don’t want to deal with it. And I most certainly don’t want my children exposed to it. Get some real help. Deal with what your mother did to you when you were young and maybe I’ll consider letting you see them unsupervised.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s High Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment is that it feels good to just get something down and not worry about how it sounds. Like my writing partner says – write on the nose dialogue, we have plenty of time to time to make it pretty later – so between the high speed rules and the dialogue, it’s moving along!

EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT

Car squeals around corner.

INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS – NIGHT

JAVIER MARTINEZ (16) a punk, drives unskillfully as GANGBANGERS in the car shoot out the window. Javier turns and looks out the passenger window.

EXT. CITY STREET – CONTINUOUS – NIGHT

The car smashes into a telephone pole. The back and passenger doors open and the gangbangers run.

INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS – NIGHT

Javier is passed out.

INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Javier meets with lawyer. Foster mother is there.

LAWYER

What did you think you were driving them for? To go out for an ice cream?

FOSTER MOTHER

He doesn’t think at all. Ever.

LAWYER

Girl is going to die and you’ll be charged with murder. Tell who you were with and we can get you off without much time.

INT. JUVENILE HALL – DAY

Javier arrives at hall, looks better. Guards are tough with him. Kids are mean.

GUARD

I know most of you are beyond redemption, but it’s job security for us, so whatever.

INT. HOST HOME – NIGHT

Guards bring Javier to house. Family seems nice, guards leave, totally change attitudes.

HOST MOTHER

You come home after your time at program and go right to your room. You are not allowed to socialize with our children at all. We don’t need your negative ways rubbing off on them.

He leaves room.

HOST FATHER

This will be good for you kids. A real life example right in your own home to show you how to behave. To understand why you have to obey the law. You don’t want to end up like him, do you?

EXT. JUVENILE HALL – DAY

Kids play basketball. Javier gets in a fight with another kid. Not his fault but he gets blamed. Gets in trouble.

INT. JUVENILE HALL – DAY

Kids are in meeting guard tell them about volunteer opportunities. Javier chooses to go work at Dog Training Facility.

JAVIER

What’s it like there?

GUARD

No clue.

JAVIER

What am I gonna do?

GUARD

Pick up dog shit probably. I mean that’s about all you’re good for, right?

INT. NEADS DOG TRAINING FACILITY – DAY

Javier and others have an orientation. Javier gets assigned to work with dogs who are at the end of their training.

EXT. NEADS DOG TRAINING FACILITY – DAY

Javier is lead to dogs, sees dog in cage. Dog growls.

PERSON LEADING JAVIER

Shut up, mutt.

JAVIER

Who’s that?

PERSON LEADING JAVIER

Bruce. He’s jerk, stay away from him.

INT. DORMS – DAY

Javier gets tour of dorms, meets man who is blind and has burns on his face.

BURNED MAN

Hey, can you help me out kid? I have a box over there and I need something from it.

Javier finds gang jacket/patches and has a realization what happened to the man.

EXT. KENNEL – DAY

Javier sits on floor and talks to dog. Moves closer. Dog gets nervous. Javier backs up.

INT. HOST HOME – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Javier goes home.

HOST MOTHER

You can heat your dinner up.

Javier eats alone in the kitchen.

INT. HOST HOME LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS -NIGHT

Watches family through door. Kid gets up and closes door.

INT. HOST HOME – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Javier puts dishes in dishwasher. Goes to living room.

INT. HOST HOME – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS – NIGHT

Javier watches family playing game.

HOST MOTHER

Good night. We’ll make sure you’re up in time for the van.

Javier leaves.

EXT. KENNEL – DAY

Javier sees the dog (his name is Bruce, maybe BRUNO). He starts to go near him.

BOSS OF VOLUNTEERS

He’s off limits, stay away from him.

JAVIER

Why?

BOSS OF VOLUNTEERS

They’re sending him away to a shelter and don’t want anyone disturbing him.

JAVIER

So you gave up on him and don’t want anyone else to try?

BOSS OF VOLUNTEERS

I guess that sums it up.

JAVIER

Well it’s mean.

BOSS OF VOLUNTEERS

Trust me, a ton of people have tried. He is beyond redemption.

Javier is struck by that.

JAVIER

Can I try at least? I think I can help?

BOSS OF VOLUNTEERS

As long as it doesn’t interfere with you regular duties. And if he bites you, don’t come crying to me.

EXT. KENNEL – LATER – DAY

Javier wipes down the cages. All the dogs are in the yard playing with a PRETTY GIRL. Javier looks up and sees Bruno laying in his cage watching them.

JAVIER

I know how you feel, Bud.

INT. CAFETERIA – DAY

Javier gets a snack. Pretty girl comes up she is wearing a volunteer shirt.

PRETTY GIRL

Hi. You must be Javier. They say you are doing a great job.

JAVIER

You look like you’re doing a good job, too. I saw you with the dogs. Been volunteering here long?

PRETTY GIRL

What makes you think I’m a volunteer?

Javier gestures to his own shirt. She looks down at hers, realizes what she’s wearing, takes it off.

For a moment Javier is enthralled, slo-mo moment, but she has another just as unrevealing shirt underneath.

PRETTY GIRL

My parents own the place.

EXT. DOG RING – DAY

Pretty girl and Javier walk some dogs in a circle. Every time they go near the kennel Javier yells to Bruno.

JAVIER

What’s up, Buddy?

PRETTY GIRL

What are you doing there?

JAVIER

Just talking to him. Having him get used to my voice.

PRETTY GIRL

It won’t work. I even tried.

JAVIER

You grew up in that house? Those are your parents?

PRETTY GIRL

Yes.

JAVIER

Then it wouldn’t work.

They hear loud motorcycles and look up as group of boys pull in. She watches them. A very handsome blond JOHNNY takes off his helmet and shakes out his hair. Javier notices her watching them and leaves with his dog.

Pretty girl heads to parking lot.

Javier watches defeated.

INT. KENNEL – DAY

Javier is surrounded by jocks.

JOHNNY

You little punk what are you doing here?

JAVIER

Volunteering like you guys.

JOHNNY

We’re here for our honor society. What honor society sent you?

Javier is silent, looks away.

JOHNNY

That’s what we thought. I’m thinking the court sent you here, huh? Court mandated community service?

No answer.

JOHNNY

We are going to find out and everyone will know their sweet little Javier isn’t so sweet after all.

Someone has to break up what is almost a fight.

INT. JUVENILE HALL

Guard calls Javier in from playing ping-pong.

GUARD

How’s it going at NEADS?

JAVIER

Good. Why am I in trouble? They came after me. I was just working and…

GUARD

Whoa, nobody is saying anything about that. In fact they called and are wondering if you can do a couple more hours a week. They want you take on some more responsibilities.

INT. GROOMING CENTER – DAY

Javier gets a tour of grooming center.

JAVIER

Is this what I’m going to be doing now? Giving dogs baths?

ANNIE

Why that’s not good enough for you?

JAVIER

I didn’t mean that –

ANNIE

Well, it’s not anyway. You’re going to be working with dogs who are about to meet their new owners. And their lost stop is a bath.

They come to dog who is in sink ready. Give him a bath. Annie gives directions in between other dialogue.

ANNIE

The best way to build trust quickly is to care for them. Jinko here is going with Paul. I think you met him? He’s blind, has burns on his face.

JAVIER

Yeah, I met him. What happened to him?

ANNIE

We don’t really talk about people’s situations. They are private.

JAVIER

I saw a gang jacket.

ANNIE

I can tell you it had to do with that for sure.

JAVIER

He seems do chill.

ANNIE

Having a meth lab blow up in your face will do that to you. Shit. I didn’t mean to say that. Sorry, sometime I have the rivalry thing rear its ugly head.

JAVIER

Rivalry?

ANNIE

He was in the gang against mine.

JAVIER

Wait, you’re in a gang?

ANNIE

Was. Past tense. As in no longer. Never again.

JAVIER

Whoa you seem like a civvie.

ANNIE

Good. That’s what I am. You gang affiliated?

JAVIER

Nah, I guess not.

ANNIE

Good, cause if you’re lucky, you end up like me. But most people aren’t and they end up like Paul, who also, believe it or not, is one of the lucky ones.

EXT. DOG RING – DAY

Javier walks dog. Pretty girl comes up.

PRETTY GIRL

Wow, he’s meeting his owner soon. You get a promotion?

JAVIER

Something like that.

PRETTY GIRL

Well you deserve it.

JAVIER

What’s that supposed to mean?

PRETTY GIRL

You deserve a promotion, you’re doing a good job…

JAVIER

Oh, I thought you meant –

PRETTY GIRL

Never mind.

Johnny comes over and pulls her away.

EXT. GAZEBO – DAY

Paul is lead into gazebo. Javier and dog are already there.

Javier shows him the leash mechanism. Paul and dog connect right away.

JAVIER

I’m going to teach you how to put on his vest, we’ll go over general care, etc.

MONTAGE

Paul opens god food, it splatters on him.

Puts on vest, steps away, it’s upside down

END MONTAGE

EXT. MOCK CITY STREET – DAY

Javier and Paul are walking dog, practicing stop light.

A WOMAN and a girl (11) who uses a wheelchair are lead in. Person points out building, etc. Waves to Javier, yells to Paul.

EXT. KENNEL – NIGHT

Javier sits with Bruce. He is closer now.

JAVIER

And she said I deserved it and I kinda flew off the handle, ya know? Not used to people saying you deserve it and it’s something good.

Javier moves up. Bruce seems about to react, but then doesn’t.

JAVIER

You know you’re safe with me right? But I bet a lot of people told you thought and it wasn’t true. Same here.

INT. DORMS – DAY

Javier walking with person who leads everyone around. They see girl and her mother.

PERSON LEADING JAVIER

Hey, good timing. I wanted you guys to meet.

EXT. PAVILION – DAY

Javier walks along wall. Johnny et. al. Are in pavilion.

JOHNNY

How sad is that, huh? Just playing in the yard and BAM!

Javier looks across the lawn to what Johnny looks at. Sees little girl, playing tug-a-war with a dog.

JOCK 1

They catch the guy?

JOHNNY

Yeah, someone in his gang ratted him out.

Javier hides against wall. This is sounding familiar.

Little girl starts to spin in her wheelchair.

Javier blinks and sees the night when she was hit with bullet and spins, falls.

Javier rushes away.

JOHNNY

Hey, what’s up, punk?

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Transformational Events

What I learned doing this assignment is this is surely not the entirety of the steps I will implement to demonstrate his transformation, but it is a great start (and a great way to start this process).

Start with the Character Arc and the list of Old Ways and New Ways.

Internal Journey:
from self-sabotaging, unaccountable, and a blamer to a respectable young
man who takes responsibility for his actions and makes better decisions
regarding his behaviors.
External
Journey: gangster wannabe to a respectable family member, big brother,
contributor to society

Old ways: blame everyone else for his poor decisions, lash out in anger, self-loathing, victim of his environment – always the “victim” – even when he’s the perpetrator.

New ways: <s>Jaleo</s> Javier has to come to terms with the things he has done to hurt other people and to feel truly sorry (not just say it). He also has to forgive himself and forgive those in his life who hurt him so that he can move on and be accountable for his actions while not wallowing in his past.

1. Goes to center with the intention of just getting “brownie points” – finds that he really likes it. Meets a gang member who is blind and there to get a dog. This really throws him off – probably up until then he had every intention to get out of juvie and go back to the gang. Is now seeing (ironically from a blind man) what the world can be like – one that doesn’t involve criminal activity but involves people who care about him.

2. Meets the dog who is just like him – makes probably the first real connection he has made with another living being in his entire life.

3. Meets Annie who was in jail herself before coming to work there. She helps him to see himself as separate from what he has done. She helps him to realize that he needs to be accountable and stop blaming others for his own bad decisions.

4. Meets the girl who was the victim of the drive-by shooting in which he was the driver. Struggles with telling them/not telling them who he is. Wants to be accountable but doesn’t want to lose the relationship they are building.

5. Makes the difficult decision to tell them who he is. They go out to dinner and just as he is going to tell them, they announce that they want to take him in as a foster child (he lies that he is in DCF instead of DYS). He decides not to tell them the truth because it will change their minds.

6. The honor society boys figure out his whole story and threaten to tell the family who he is, so now he has to admit it. They get him removed from working with their daughter, rescind their offer to take him in – he took accountability and lost the one thing he wanted – a family, but he did gain self-respect. Annie helps him realize this.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is this is actually going to work! I am going to have a script in 30 days!

1. Give us the following:

Concept – A young gang banger
wannabe volunteers at a dog training facility where he meets the two individuals
who will change his life forever – a dog who is the canine version of him
and the little girl who was the victim of the crime that landed him at the
facility in the first place.
Main Conflict – Javier’s
inability to admit his own responsibility in a situation, compounded by
the jocks/honor society students who also volunteer at the center and are
going to tell everyone why Javier is there.

Old Ways blame everyone else for his poor decisions, lash out in anger, self-loathing, victim of his environment – always the “victim” – even when he’s the perpetrator.

New Ways : J<s>aleo </s> Javier has to come to terms with the things he has done to hurt other people and to feel truly sorry (not just say it). He also has to forgive himself and forgive those in his life who hurt him so that he can move on and be accountable for his actions while not wallowing in his past.

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening – the drive by shooting,
but only see him, not what he sees, as that comes later.
Inciting Incident – the DYS center
gives them the opportunity to volunteer, and Javier chooses the dog
training facility so he can get some months knocked off his sentence. He
talks them into dropping him off down the road so they don’t know where he’s
coming from. He meets a dog who gets treated the same way he has been
treated. He overhears someone being verbally abusive to the dog which
triggers him to have flashbacks of foster parents treating him the same
way. He also sees the dog in a cage while other dogs are playing – this is
equitable to the way he is treated at his host home. He goes back in the
evening and the family is playing a game. The mother tells him his dinner
is in oven, he eats alone and then goes into living room, stands there
watching the family play game – they look up ask if he needs something,
no? well, good night then, I’ll make sure you’re up in time for the van
(has DYS on the side)The dog likes him (and only him) he works with him
and the owners of the facility start to rethink their plan for the dog. He
is doing a good job there, really feeling like he has found a “family”.
People don’t treat him like a criminal. Then the honor society
volunteers/jocks come. They don’t like Javier (especially Johnny) and give
him a hard time – asking him why he’s there, etc. (I know you’re not in an
honor society are you here because you were sentenced to do this?) She is
another change agent for him. She tells him that she was in prison and was
“puppy socializer” – a puppy would live with her until s/he was old enough
to be trained. When Annie got out of jail she came to work there as a
groomer.
Turning Point – a little girl
who uses a wheelchair comes to the center for her training period (one
month) that is required before she takes her service dog home, Javier
works with them because he has been working with the dog they are taking.
His discovers through overhearing the other boys talk/having a flashback
of the drive by that she is the girl who was shot when he was driving the
car.

Act 2:

New plan – The jocks beat him up
and the dog chases them, growls and snaps at them – Javier thinks they are
going to tell on dog and get him kicked out, but to his surprise they don’t.
He brings the dog to get a bath (hasn’t had one for a long time) and meets
Annie who recognizes that the dog has something on him that shows he was
in a fight, but also keeps the secret. Javier develops a good relationship
with the family, he struggles with telling them who he is (as a minor his
identity was not given out). The jocks find out who he is and why he is
there (but not all the details). He works with a dog who they were going
to send to a shelter because he is not doing well. Javier begs for time to
work with him – he has a good relationship with him. They give him one
month. Javier spends more time there.
Plan in action – the family
takes him out to dinner; he practices how he is going to tell them. The
dog is doing better. He has him meet the girl’s dog for socialization time.
Midpoint Turning Point – they go
out to dinner and tell him they want to be his foster parents right when
he is going to admit who he is. He doesn’t say it.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – He decides
he isn’t going to tell them, then the jocks research more and find out he
was driving the car when the girl got shot. They are going to tell the
family.
New plan – he tells the family.
Turning Point: Huge failure /
Major shift – They change their minds, don’t want anything to do with him –
the little girl does, though, she forgives him. He is also able to forgive
himself. He is reassigned to work in the kennel, cleaning cages, etc. and
then to work with Annie grooming. Annie makes him feel better about the
situation. It’s their loss, if they could forgive, they’re the ones who
are missing out, you are the better person for owning up to it.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of
the conflict – the mother shows up at the grooming station and watches
Javier for a minute, then she tells him they are taking him home to be his
host family. He says thanks but no thanks, he needs to stay with the dog.
The little girl comes around the corner with both dogs.
Resolution – The jocks
apologize and Javier leaves with the family.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Character Interviews

What I learned doing this assignment is so much more about my characters. They have become real people at this point and I love that.

Protagonist – Javier Martinez

Tell me about yourself. I was
in foster care for as long as I can remember. I always acted up and
eventually got kicked out of the home I was in. I was trying to find
someone who loved me no matter what – but it never happened. When I met
the people from the gang and discovered that they would like me even if I
did bad things/especially if I did bad things I mistakenly equated that
with love. I realized what I was doing and that is the wrong way to think.
Also, my name is JAVIER.
Why do you think you were
called to this journey? Why you? I am the only one who can go on this
journey. I was told by a foster parent “you are the most stubborn blah
blah boy I have ever met” then when I started at the center I heard
someone say the same thing (or close) to the dog! I also saw the dog being
treated the same way I was treated in the host home (comes home from Youth
program is told dinner is in oven, eats myself while family plays game and
when I’m they tell me to go to bed and dog is in cage watching other dogs
play). I was also the one called for this journey because I meet the
little girl who was his victim in the drive by shooting when I was driving
the car. At first I was able to deny (to myself) that we had any
connection and then I was able to tell myself it was all “their” fault so
I didn’t need to tell anyone, say sorry, whatever. It was like I didn’t
even do it because nothing was ever my fault.
You are up against the jocks
who are doing their community service for graduation requirements. What is
it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you? They
torture me every step of the way. They threaten to tell everyone why I’m
there (they find out) – then they find out even more, discover I was involved
in the little girl’s shooting. They even beat me up one night. The dog
came over and growled at them, chased them away! Then he came and lay down
with me – licked me and snuggled with me.
In order to survive or
accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box.
What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most
difficult? This is a tough one for me. I have to admit that I did something
wrong, take ownership and actually make amends/apologize instead of going
with my usual M.O. of blaming someone else.
What habits or ways of thinking
do you think will be the most difficult to let go of? It was very hard to
see myself as lovable. I didn’t know how to handle it when people were nice
to me and because my only reason for ever acting nice to anyone was
because I wanted something, I felt suspicious of everyone at the center.
After awhile I did realize they loved me for who I was and it was at that
point my secret became even more of scary thing to come out. I guess I
kind of put on a front at the center, because I’m a different person at
DYS and at my house. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty much different
wherever I go. I wonder who I really am? I hope the person I show at the
center is who I really am. That is the one I want to be, he is the one I
like the best. I know if he did anything wrong, he would admit to it and
make up for it. That is who I am going to try to be.
What fears, insecurities and
wounds have held you back? I am afraid that at any time people are going
to just dump me, stop liking me, discover who I really am and what I did.
What skills, background or
expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist? I
been dealing with idiots like this my whole life. I guess the best thing I
got going for me is that they don’t get under my skin. Most of the time
anyway. When these guys start threatening to tell everyone why I’m volunteering
at the center, that did get under my skin. It was then I had to make the
biggest decision of my life – do I just admit it to them, or let them find
out cause those jocks tell ‘em?
What are you hiding from the
other characters? What don’t you want them to know? I am a thug, a ganger,
a throwaway. I’m pretty much no good. I have no redeeming qualities. They
don’t see that and I am scared to death they will. I will probably get
kicked out if they find out what I done!
What do you think of the jocks?
They are actually who I wish I could be, which is probably why I hate them
so much – I guess I’m kinda jealous of them. They grew up in nice house, nice
parents, whatever.
Tell me your side of this whole
conflict / story. . Okay, so you wanna hear my side of the story. I’ll
tell ya. These fuckin dicks who took me in when I was a kid just did it
for the money or whatever cause ain’t one of ‘em who cared about me. None
of them taught me how to be a good person or nothing. I would do sumptin
bad and they would just kick me to the curb and I’d go somewhere else ‘til
they got sick ‘o me too. Then I met the guys and it was like I done bad
things to try and get these people to prove they would love me no matter
what, like I think I heard it was called unconditioned, no, like unconditional
love, and the guys loved me no matter what, it was like they was my family,
the one I been looking for my whole life. Then when they start talking
about initiation I knew I didn’t have no choice, so I done what they said –
got a car and picked ‘em up. I was living with these fuckin’ dicks who
were about to kick me out anyway, so it didn’t even matter. And it’s not
like I was gonna mess up their car or nothin’ and I was just borrowing it,
I was gonna bring it back. So I picked ‘em up and we were just riding
around and then in the back seat they opened up the window and threw out
my foster parents’ kid’s toy, like a stuffed bear or something and I was
like, that isn’t cool guys and they told me to shut the fuck up and worry
about what I was doing and I said fine but just don’t throw any more shit
out the window. Then I heard a bang and I was like what the fuck did they
throw out now? Or did I hit somethin’? Then I heard it again, but this
time it was like BANG-BANG and I knew what it was – gunshots. I didn’t
know if someone was shooting at us, but then I seen the flash coming from
the back window and I seen the girl spinnin as the bullets hit her and I keep
looking back. Now I don’t really drive so good, I ain’t got my license
never mind a car I can drive, but it’s more about the girl – I just can’t
take my eyes offa her and the next thing I know, it all goes black. I wake
up in the hospital. They tell me I hit a tree and I was alone in the car.
They knew they was other people and they ask me who but I ain’t no rat so
I don’t tell them. Then later they have this lawyer come talk to me and he’s
the biggest dick I ever met. He tells me the girl’s gonna die and I’m
gonna get charged with murder if I don’t tell ‘em who was with me. So now
I’m getting’ to know myself better, cause I guess I am a rat. And then
they tell me I don’t think cause I said I didn’t know they was gonna shoot
someone and they said what do you think was gonna happen? And I said I don’t
know. What’d you think, they was asking you to drive them ‘cause they was going
out for an ice cream sundae? That when that I bitch I was living with said,
nah, he didn’t think that, cause he never thinks about nothin. So I’m a
rat who doesn’t know how to think. I have my trial and I go to this Young Correction
Center during the day when I ain’t in school, but then at night I go stay
with what they call a host family and they’re pretty much like a foster
family, but worse. I go back there at night and they totally ignore me. So
then at the center they tell they have some places we can go and volunteer
and get some time off ‘a our sentence, I decide to do it cause as much as
I’m scared to leave when I’m 18 there ain’t no more foster homes or nothin’
but I can’t deal with these host home people no more. So, I look and there’s
like 5 places. Ones a old folk’s home and there ain’t no way I’m gonna
wipe no old dude’s ass, so I say fuck that. Then there another one where you
go to parks and pick up old needles and booze bottles and fuck that, too,
I don’t want to get no AIDS. Then I see this other one that’s working with
dogs and even though I’m betting it’s mostly picking up their shit, it’s
way better than the other ones, so I pick that one. Then it’s not as bad
as I thought. I get to walk the dogs and play with them and honestly, I
like dogs better ‘an I like people. Then I meet this dog who is the dog
version. Nobody likes him at the center and he don’t like them either, but
he likes me. We understand each other. And I get them not to send him away
and they give me a month to get him so he can get along with other dogs
and people and maybe he can stay and get trained and go home with a family
like the other dogs. Then they also have me work with a dog who’s about to
go home with someone in a wheelchair and I have to work with him and have
him practice gettin’ me stuff and walking near the wheelchair and not
getting his feet run over. Then the person comes and it’s a girl. I have
no idea who she is ‘til I hear the jocks saying she got hit in a drive-by
shootin’ then I recognize her – she was the girl they shot. Now these
jocks always gave me a hard time but pretty soon they found out about the
girl and me and they was going to tell her mother. I was getting’ along real
good with them. The girl even asked her mom if she could become a foster
parent and have me come live with them. Now the jocks are gonna tell ‘em
who I am and they’ll never take me home.

Ask any other questions about their
character profile that will help you. There was this one time I was
walking by the boys (they didn’t see me) and they were looking at the girl
across the yard. They was talkin’ about what happened to her and I looks
up – she is spinning around in her wheelchair, holding a dog toy and the
dog chases it – I has a flashback/vision of her spinning when the bullets
hit her. Another time I had a flashback kind of thing is when I heard
someone yelling at the dog, telling ‘em he was no good and whatever, I remembered
a bunch of my foster parents telling me the same things.

What does it do for your life
is you succeed here? My entire life will change if I succeed in the way I
want. I will have a family, a future, everything I could have had if my
life wasn’t all fucked up.

Antagonist – Johnny Clayton

Tell me about yourself. I am a four-season
letterman and the class president. I’m also on the board of the honor
society. I could have been president, but I didn’t want to be. I’m kind a regretting
not trying for it because now we have to do this volunteer thing at this
dog place. I’m not really that into dogs or volunteering either. The only
thing that’s cool is that I get to hang out with my boys.
Having to do with this journey,
what are your strengths and weaknesses? I can’t stand that little punk
that also goes there. I don’t know why he’s there, but it sure isn’t because
he’s an honor student. I know you asked about strengths and weaknesses and
I’m getting there. Chill. So anyway, my strength is that I can spot a
poser from a mile away. He’s all like he’s there to be a good citizen or
something but I know something’s up with him and I’m going to find out
what. My weakness is pretty girls. There’s this girl Tabitha who works at
the center, she’s the manager of the volunteers and she makes my knees
shake every time she comes around. That’s not what you meant by weakness?
Well, that’s it, I got nothing else for you.
Why are you committed to making
the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed
to making them change? I don’t like liars and he is one. Also Tabitha won’t
give me the time of day but I think she likes him. Imagine that! Some
chick picking that little…I can’t even say the word I want to call him –
not politically correct and all, but I tell you in my old man’s day they
had a name for those people, and it was accurate – anyway, you got any more
questions?
What do you get out of winning
this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition? I get
the satisfaction of knowing that I saved these people from this…kid…he
would probably rob them, does stuff even worse that my grandmother would
kill me if she knew I said out loud to you, but you know what I’m talking
about. I need to protect my own, you know what I mean. Plus it’s kind of fun
messing with him. We’re here like 4 hours at a time and it gets pretty
boring. He’s entertaining, you know?
What drives you toward your
mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death? I don’t face
nothing. I’m untouchable. My old man is a lawyer and he won’t let anything
bad happen to me. I have a scholarship to Yale next year and I’m going
this little spic, whoops, like punk isn’t going to do anything to ruin
that.
What secrets must you keep to
succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity? I’m not
afraid of anything, or insecure either. I mean some people like the therapist
my father made me go see when my mother left might say that I’m afraid
people might leave me, so I hang on too tight, and then just push them
away before they can do it to me. She also might say that I try to come
off like I’m perfect but that’s only because deep down, I don’t think I’m
worthy, but I’m here to tell you that is 100 percent not even close to the
truth.
Compared to other people like
you, what makes you special? I’m the top 1% in everything I do, school,
sports, whatever I do. Even here at this center, I bet they’ll tell you I’m
the best volunteer they’ve ever had. The dogs like me, the cripples like
me. What do you mean? Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t say that. The wheelchair
people, whatever, they like me.
What do you think of Javier? I’m
pretty sure I already told you, but I will again, he’s a liar, a thief, a…he’ll
make your sisters and daughters do stuff even when they tell him no. And I
have to tell you, he’s hanging around a lot with that little girl. I don’t
trust him near the girl dogs, never mind a kid. Someone needs to stop him
and I guess if nobody else is going to, that someone is going to have to
be me.
Tell me your side of this whole
conflict / story. I don’t really have a “side” because I’m not doing
anything wrong. I’m just trying to protect people, you know?

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen is great at subtext pointers!

I write every day, producing not only high volume but high quality screenplays and scripts that will ultimately become popular movies and television shows. I am invited to become a mentor at seminars, safaris, and summits.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I teach this to my students but I am not having such an easy time applying it to my own writing!

SUBTEXT POINTER METHODS

Metaphor
Implication
Insinuation
Hint
Sarcasm
Allusion

INT. WARD’S CAR – CONTINUOUS – DAY

ON THE TABLET

A naked Ginger covers herself. The screen goes black.

In the car, Ward adjusts his pants.

WARD

What do you want, Dacey? I was on an important business call.

The fact that he was jerking off on a conference call with his girlfriend is not lost on Dacey.

Mortified, Dacey runs to the house.

Ward gets out of the car and follows her.

ALLUSION

Before lines: WARD

Dacey, wait! What do you want? I can explain.

After lines: WARD

Dacey, wait! What do you want? Why do you think it’s okay to spy on people? Probably one reason why you can’t keep a husband.

INSINUATION

Before lines DACEY

Your children? I am Meg and Jimmy’s mother. You bring them back to me now before I call the police.

WARD (O.S.)

That would be a mistake don’t you think? I mean you killed that poor man and I can prove it, you wouldn’t want that coming out –

After lines DACEY

Your children? I am Meg and Jimmy’s mother. You bring them back to me now before I call the police.

WARD (O.S.)

That would be a mistake don’t you think? I mean that man and what you did. You wouldn’t want that coming out now, would you?

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Character Profile Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment is something weird is happening…this kid is becoming real in my head by doing these assignments! He may be a conglomeration of students I’ve worked with over the years, but he is real already. I do have this happen when I’m writing – maybe when I get about halfway through a script (or maybe not even until rewrites), but I think it is going to be amazing to START like this. It is not like I’ve never done this before (filled out character traits, etc. beforehand) so I don’t know what it is – combination of empowerment exercises, him being based on real people, etc. but I like it!

Fill in Part 2 of the character Profile for your two lead characters.

What draws us to
this character? He is smart, he is a victim and we should feel bad for him
(OMG, I was just going to say, don’t tell him that though) he is a hero

Traits: stubborn,
insolent, defiant and unlovable (which is what the mother of the host
family says to him, and then he overhears someone say the same, or very
close, thing to the dog.) But also has a heart of gold, truly repentant,
willing to risk himself for others (there is a fire and he goes in to save
girl, dogs)

Subtext: wants
to be accepted, even if he has to commit crimes

Flaw: criminal,
sabotages self

Values: outwardly,
not many (except maybe allegiance to the gang) but he has a very defective
moral compass – at least at the beginning

Irony: Finally
telling the truth is what will set him free, even though that will keep
him locked up.

What makes this
the right character for this role? He is the only one who could reach this
great change through his work at the center. He comes in with an agenda
(look good for the judge) but grows to care for the dog who he sees
himself in. Then when he meets the girl and her family likes him, even to
the point where they consider fostering him, he has to make the decision
to tell the truth or not, even though telling the truth will make the family not want to take him in.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s character profiles – part 1

What I learned doing this assignment is about the different types of protagonists and antagonists. It really helps to define them this way to narrow down how they are going to act in a certain situation. In something else I was writing recently we assigned characters the “flight, flight, or freeze” reaction which was cool, but only focused on one aspect of the personality. This expands it greatly.

Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Runner – Jaleo is
a runner, always trying to get away from something, whether it his own actions,
his past, his upbringing, the truth, whatever…he is trying to get away
from it. In a generation that has no accountability for their actions,
Jaleo cannot own up to what he did – outwardly anyway – everything that
happened was someone else’s fault, it was because of how he was raised,
where he grew up, what others did to him – but deep down inside I’m
betting (oh goodness, I’m already thinking about him like he’s a real
person…) that he really does blame himself – for EVERYTHING – and if he
was to admit it, he probably couldn’t even live with himself…

3. Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Villain – a group
of boys who are also at the training facility for community service but it
is part of their honor society – not through the court. They are in everyone’s
eyes the good boys, the ones who do everything right, but behind closed
doors they are even worse than the boys in the ‘hood. They find out why
Jaleo is there and torture him, telling him they are going to tell
everyone. There is one “leader” and the others who go along with him, but
they even reach a point where they think he’s gone too far…

4. What other characters might be necessary?

Supporting
characters: the family – probably just mom and her daughter who is in a
wheelchair, employee at the center who is Jaleo’s supervisor, love
interest (?) for Jaleo – or do we just keep it “love” of family, self,
etc. and leave romance out of it? (maybe he does try and the boys ruin it
for him but he needs to learn to love himself first anyway)
Minor roles:
Jaleo’s gang, other people getting dogs, Jaleo’s DYS people (he lives in a
host home), host family, boys at center
Background
characters: employees, people getting dogs, other volunteers

5. Pick your genre.

Drama – dog movie

6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.

Role in the story:
Protag, student, volunteer at READS dog training facility

Age range and
Description: 16/17, BIPOC (half black, half Hispanic)

Internal Journey:
self-love, accountability, caring for others

External
Journey: volunteers just to look good for judge but then meets a dog who
is just like him – they form a bond, when a little girl in a wheelchair
comes for her training, he finds out she was the victim of the drive-by
shooting in which he was driving

Motivation: he
wants to fit in
Wound: in foster
care his whole life, experienced abuse in foster homes

Mission/Agenda:
to look good for the judge

Secret: really
hates himself, not everyone else as he tries to portray

What makes them
special? Deep down he really has a big heart that he has been hiding

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is this is a great way to start – I think I often have this kind of thing in my head, but it is good to actually have it written down to keep yourself on track and focused – ensuring that you remain true to your character and their “ways”.

2. Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?

Jaleo Martinez

Internal Journey:
from self-sabotaging, unaccountable, and a blamer to a respectable young
man who takes responsibility for his actions and makes better decisions regarding
his behaviors.
External
Journey: gangster wannabe to a respectable family member, big brother,
contributor to society

Old ways: blame everyone else for his poor decisions, lash out in anger, self-loathing, victim of his environment – always the “victim” – even when he’s the perpetrator.

New ways: Jaleo has to come to terms with the things he has done to hurt other people and to feel truly sorry (not just say it). He also has to forgive himself and forgive those in his life who hurt him so that he can move on and be accountable for his actions while not wallowing in his past.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen loves Covering Subtext!

I write every day, producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows. I am invited to be a mentor at seminars, summits, and safaris.

What I learned doing this assignment is I have never really had a good handle on subtext. Taking something the audience already knows and adding something (like a silence, a complement, etc.) makes a subtextual message that audience should get. I think I often do subtext hoping it’s something the audience knows, but they don’t always, so it falls flat. I had the scene where the husband says he is drinking the same thing as the kids, but the fact that the girl was drinking champagne came after, so it didn’t really mean much – it is so much stronger this way….I also have a scene where the same kind of thing happens, but this time it’s an incongruency, but the scenes are in the wrong order, so the audience doesn’t experience the subtext – switching them around (or adding a scene) fills that in…and mind blown!

2. Skim each scene and ask these two questions:

A. What is the
deeper meaning the audience already knows?
B. Can I add a
line that covers it and causes them to experience the subtext at the same
time?

3. For any scenes that don’t have subtext dialogue, use one of these methods to rewrite or add a line.

Silence: Person
doesn’t answer when they should. (audience knows Dacey was hiding from “ghost”
and that’s why she was in closet.)

WARD

And why would she leave school, come home and remove it if she knew nothing about you finding it? Why were you in her closet anyway?

Not answering, Dacey steps back, closes the closet door.

WARD

There is obviously nothing going on here that I can help you with. Maybe you should talk to that doctor from work. What was his name again? Dr. Greene? He helped last time. I’m afraid it’s gone too far this time, but you should at least try. I need to get to work.

Action incongruent with words. INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY

Ward lays in bed.

WARD

Dacey, I love you and I’ve made a terrible mistake.

INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS – DAY

DACEY

What? I don’t understand.

WARD (V.O.)

I was wrong to have done what I did. I made a promise to love you in sickness and in health and I broke that promise. Dacey?

DACEY

Yes?

INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS – DAY

Sensuously, Ward moves around in his bed.

WARD

I’d like to come home if you’ll have me – if you’ll forgive me.

DACEY (V.O.)

Ward, you told the children I was crazy. I am not crazy. I have a sleep disorder.

WARD

I know, I spoke to your mother. She said the doctor confirmed the suspicions and now you’re on medication, but that doesn’t even matter. I was wrong, no matter what was happening with you, I should have been at your side-

Ward puts his arms out straight, grasping something that is moving up and down near his crotch.

DACEY (V.O.)

I forgive you, Ward and I love you.

WARD

Let’s go to dinner where I asked you to marry me. You remember how to get there?

Biting his lip, Ward arches his back.

DACEY (V.O.)

Of course I do.

INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS – DAY

Dacey slumps at the table, utterly relieved.

WARD (V.O.)

Have Lana watch the kids and I’ll make a reservation. If you get there before me, wait. I’ll be there as soon as my meeting is over. And Dacey?

DACEY

Yes?

As Ward speaks his voice becomes breathless.

WARD (V.O.)

I hope you’ll be able to forgive me in time. I’m going to make it up to you I promise. See you soon.

Dacey hangs up and sheds tears of joy and relief.

INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY

Ward hangs up phone.

His back arches and his breath quickens even more as he has an explosive orgasm.

Ginger comes up from under covers and snuggles with him.

Change subject.

SHYANNE

Where’s Garth? He runs group, not this puta –

DACEY

Shyanne, you know where Garth is.

SHYANNE

I didn’t do nothing! Didn’t lie, he did them things I said he done.

DACEY

Ms. Colleen, please begin.

Question them.

Attack back. (this one is interesting because we just saw his daughter switch out her sparkling cider for champagne, so it is also an irony)

The first WAITRESS brings champagne flutes to Ward and Dacey.

Ward takes one for himself and hands one to Dacey.

A scowl on Dacey’s face testifies to her disapproval.

Ward grabs Dacey’s arm, pulls her close, hisses in her ear.

WARD

Stop accusing me all the time, it’s getting old.

He lets her go, smiles for the audience.

WARD

It’s sparkling cider, the same thing the kids are drinking.

Complement them. (The audience knows that Shyanne wasn’t sleeping and was involved in the incident that happened before Dacey and Peter entered.)

Yawning and stretching excessively, Shyanne rolls over.

SHYANNE

What’s going on? I’m sleeping here.

Dacey leads Tanya toward the door. Peter inspects the wall and the windowsill for the nail hole.

DACEY

You look great. You’re the only person I know in real life who can just wake up and look perfectly put together.

Misdirection: Do
or say something that sends their mind in a different direction.
Make a joke of
it.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen loves Anticipatory Dialogue

I will write every day, producing not only high volume, but high quality screenplays that ultimately become popular television shows and movies. I will be invited to be a mentor on retreats and summits.

What I learned from this assignment is what I have been learning from many of the assignments – I think my stuff is good, I apply these assignments and it just gets better.

SPLICED: A psychiatrist nurse, accused of the brutal murder of the patient who visited her uninvited at her home the night he was killed, must fight to maintain her family, her job, her freedom and her sanity.

1. Direct prediction – Looking possessed, with her eyes rolled back and her face slack, Shyanne gets on her chair and points at Tom.

SHYANNE

I’ll tell you the routine! They’re gonna kill you! Torture and kill you. They’ll start with your fingernails, or maybe your toenails, they’ll pull ’em out one by one and then –

2. Indirect prediction: DACEY

I don’t have the confidence we’re equipped to help her –

3. Countdown. WARD

You know what? I’ll cook, but you need to pull yourself together. This has gone on long enough.

DACEY

Ward –

WARD

You have two days, Dacey. Then, I can’t speculate what will happen.

4. Imply consequences. WARD

Good, because whatever you’re seeing, I just want you to know that nobody else sees it. You’re showing your unbalanced side and you understand why you can’t do that, right? I can help you if you’ll just let me. Drink your tea.

5. Imply hopelessness. WARD

There is obviously nothing going on here that I can help you with. Maybe you should talk to that doctor from work. What was his name again? Dr. Greene? He helped last time. I’m afraid it’s gone too far this time, but you should at least try. I need to get to work.

6. Shield from consequences in advance. DACEY

But it all falls apart when you leave – every time.

WARD

It won’t, Dacey. I checked everything. The batteries in the smoke detectors, the pilot light in the furnace. It’s going to be fine this time. I promise.

DACEY

I don’t think you can promise something like that.

7. Warnings.

8. Create reputation for the villain. BEVERLY

Do you know what his problem is? I’ve never trusted that man.

DACEY

What does that mean? You love Ward!

BEVERLY

Only on a surface level. He’s the type who’ll say one thing to your face and do the exact opposite behind your back. What has he said?

DACEY

Nothing to me, but apparently, he’s been telling Lana, and even Meg and Jimmy all kinds of things.

9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence SHYANNE

Christina! Wait!

Dacey/Christina turns to Shyanne.

DACEY/CHRISTINA

What, Shyanne? You got a doom and gloom prediction for me?

SHYANNE

No. Well, maybe. Yes, okay. You shouldn’t trust him. Don’t go with him. Call your family, an uber, anything. I’ve heard things and I think he has another plan for you besides taking you home..

10. A challenge issued.

11. Silence at a strange time. PETER

Dacey?

She doesn’t answer.

PETER

Are you coming?

Dacey snaps out and looks up at Peter.

DACEY

Guess they weren’t sleeping after all, huh?

Rising from her chair, she follows Peter down the hall.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

I, Jenifer Stockdale agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

I will write every day, producing not only a high volume of screenplays, but high quality ones that will ultimately be made into television shows and movies. I will be invited to seminars and safaris as a speaker.

SPLICED: A psychiatrist nurse, accused of the brutal murder of the patient who visited her uninvited at her home the night he was killed, must fight to maintain her family, her job, her freedom and her sanity.

What I learned doing this assignment – I am loving the movie clip examples, It really helps to punctuate what you mean when you describe something. I don’t know that I ever “got” this before. Also, on this scene I was just trying the banter and it turned into something bigger – the sorry I woke you, I wasn’t sleep, is everyone asleep, are you sure, because you’ve made that mistake before – thing…it was going to be about him making a mistake on a previous day, but I realized, he just made that mistake – or at the very least, she wants him to believe he did, it was so cool! This conversations meant nothing before – it was just a segue from one scene to the next, now it’s laden with meaning!

Give the characters opposing viewpoints.

Different realities

VOICE 1

(whisper)

Wake the fuck up –

BACK TO THE NURSES’ STATION

Dacey jerks upright and spins around.

Peter, (25) with a knack for patient care but not much for finesse with his co-workers, enters the station behind Dacey throws his hands up in mock surrender.

PETER

Sorry to wake you.

DACEY

I wasn’t asleep.

PETER

Oh, it looked like you were.

DACEY

I was just resting my eyes.

PETER

Okay, well anyway, checks are set.

DACEY

Good. Everyone sleeping?

PETER

Like babies.

DACEY

You’re sure? I feel like you’ve mistaken asleep and eyes closed before. In fact, just recently.

While attempting to determine if she’s kidding or not, Peter stares at Dacey for a moment-decides to ignore it.

PETER

What are you looking at there?

DACEY

Just my work, cause you know, cause I’m working.

PETER

Really, is that the file on the patient who’s coming tomorrow?

DACEY

Yes. I’m trying to get a handle on her background so I can brief all of you. She comes from some pretty intense trauma. When she was a child she lived with her mother in a ruthless cult who used her as – who did all sorts of terrible – who-

Dacey shudders.

PETER

Are you okay?

Cut off by a scream, they both run down the hall.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

I will write every day, producing not only a high volume of screenplays, but high quality ones that will ultimately be made into television shows and movies. I will be invited to seminars and safaris as a speaker. (i just added this last part!)

What I learned doing this assignment is that it is important to do this type of pass to elevate dialogue. I thought my dialogue was good until I looked at it through this lens.

SPLICED: A psychiatrist nurse, accused of the brutal murder of the patient who showed up uninvited at her home the night he was killed, must fight to maintain her family, her job, her freedom, and her sanity.

SUBTEXT drives the meaning:

DACEY

Tell me how this happened.

TANYA

I didn’t do it.

DACEY

Somebody did, and now I know, thank you, Peter, that it was done with a nail. Tell me where you got it.

TANYA

I don’t know nothin’ about nothin’.

DACEY

You just need to let me know if you did this to yourself, or if someone else did it.

TANYA

I plead the fifth.

DACEY

If I understand this then, you were sleeping, woke up with cuts on your wrists and a nail in your hand.

TANYA

I didn’t have a nail in my hand.

With an exasperated SIGH, Dacey tapes the bandage on Tanya’s wrist and then grabs the biohazard bag.

Peter grabs Tanya’s arm.

PETER

Let’s go, back to bed.

Tanya yanks her arm out of Peter’s grip.

TANYA

No! I don’t wanna! I don’t wanna!

DACEY

Then you’ll need to go to the quiet room. I’ll get the restraints.

TANYA

No! No, I’ll be good. I promise, I’ll go to bed and I won’t cause no more trouble.

DACEY

I thought you didn’t do anything?

TANYA

I didn’t, but you always want to make it that I did, so I promise, I promise, I promise. We don’t like the quiet room, do we, Ms. Dacey?

With
provocative movement, Tanya passes Dacey and allows Peter to escort her down
the hall.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer’s Scene Requirements

Vision – I will write every day producing not only high volume, but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that it was a tough one to get through, but I will write my script quickly using it!

Scene Arc: From Dacey resting to running down hall
INT. NURSES’ STATION – NIGHT
Dacey is at work, looking over Christina’s file. Articles
about children saved from cult where they endured ritual
abuse. Dacey closes file “rests her eyes”, start at an ear
bud and go into her brain as music travel through igniting
and fizzling out synapses, someone whispers in her ear “Wake
the fuck up” she jumps up and her co-worker Peter is behind
her. There is a scream and Dacey freezes, then she follows
Peter as he runs –
Essence: Dacey is at peace, a nurse at work
Conflict: Peter swearing at her?
Subtext: something is wrong in her brain –
Hope/fear: All will remain peaceful/someone is screaming
INT. PATIENT ROOM – NIGHT
Cora has cut herself. Dacey freezes, but then jumps into
action and handles it perfectly, although everyone else is
falling apart. Shyanne pretends she is sleeping, but she
orchestrated it.
In the background a patient lays in the bed, although there
is no focus on her.
Scene Arc: From Tom talking about discharge to having to be
removed from group as he is flipping out.
INT. GROUP SESSION ROOM – DAY
Patients gather, sit in circle. Dacey pushes patient into
room in a Rifton supine stander. Tom talks about being afraid
to leave. Shyanne instigates him until he is hysterical and
he has to be removed.
Essence: Tom is getting discharged (this is a mislead)
Conflict: Shyanne asks him what he is going to do when people
try to kill him
Subtext: Dacey is competent at her job, well respected
Hope/fear: Tom is okay/is he going to get killed?
2.
SCENE ARC: FROM TOM BEING CALM AND NOT IN TROUBLE TO GETTING
IN TROUBLE FOR BEING A PRANKSTER
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – DAY
Tom is led from quiet room. Staff talks to him about
remaining calm, ignoring Cora. Walk past patient in stander.
Tom poses her, gets yelled at.
Essence: Tom is a prankster
Conflict: Tom is messing with a catatonic patient and staff
is unhappy with him
Subtext: This catatonic patient is actually very important
(this is Christina/Dacey)
Hope/fear: Tom will stay out of trouble/ Tom won’t get
discharged
SCENE ARC: NURSES TALK ABOUT BREAKFAST TO TOM BEING UP TO HIS
TRICKS
INT. NURSES’ STATION – CONTINUOUS – DAY
The nurse’s talk about their kids, someone says her husband
always cooks her breakfast. Nurse walking with Tom says keep
an eye on her (referring to patient in stander)Tom is up to
his tricks.
Essence: Nurses talk about husbands having breakfast done for
them when they get home. One nurse says hers doesn’t, but she
should tell him to!
Conflict: Tom is in trouble again
Subtext: Patient in stander is hearing all this
Hope/fear: Tom will stay out of trouble/ Tom won’t get
discharged.
EXT. DACEY’S HOUSE – DAY
Dacey pulls into driveway – nice car, nice house.
2.
3.
SCENE ARC: PERFECT HOMECOMING TO NOT SO PERFECT
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – FRONT HALL – DAY
Dacey goes into house – pause and absolute silence, then her
two younger children MEL (9) and JAMIE (7) rush in wearing
pajamas and clamber for hugs.
WARD, Dacey’s husband is at the stove – breakfast supplies
are on the counter. He turns around and has everything laid
out for Dacey to cook.
Essence: Dacey’s homecoming is spectacular!
Conflict: Ward expects her to cook breakfast after working
all night
Subtext: seems as though he is cooking, but he is putting
supplies out for her
Hope/fear:hope he is a nice guy/fear something is wrong with
marriage
Scene (sequence)arc: From Ward is great to maybe not so much –
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – FRONT HALL – NIGHT
Dacey comes home to quiet house, calls out to husband, kids,
turns lights on in kitchen, nothing, goes to living room,
people jump out and yell surprise – it is a surprise
anniversary party (Dacey thought he forgot it).
Ward flirts with DANA at the party, he also seems to be
drinking.
Dacey calls husband out on drinking, but he denies it. She
checks cups in the garbage can, seems to determine that he
was drinking.
Essence: Ward is great…wait, maybe he isn’t
Conflict: Dacey accuses him of drinking
Subtext: There is something very wrong here…
Hope/fear: Hope he is a nice guy/fear he isn’t/Dacey is
paranoid
3.
4.
Scene Arc:
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Ward tells her he is going on a trip and she says it always
falls apart, tells him look what happened last time and begs
him not to go.
He explains to her that he checked the smoke alarms, the
pilot on the furnace.
He makes her tea. In the middle of a sentence and his lips
don’t move with his words, Dacey’s ears buzz, she rubs them,
blinks hard and he is back to normal.
Essence: Foreshadow of the problem
Conflict: Dacey is upset with Ward for leaving on trip
Subtext: Is she upset because she thinks it’s an affair?
Hope/fear: Dacey is going to be okay/something terrible is
going to happen
Scene Arc: From Tom arriving to leaving in an uber.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – FRONT HALL – NIGHT
Tom comes to Dacey’s house in the middle of the night,
hysterical, afraid that someone is chasing him and trying to
kill him. Dacey freezes -indecisive about what to do and
freezes, he pushes past her and goes in the house, then she
jumps into action, explains that he can’t be there.
He says he’ll leave, can she just give him a glass of water –
washes glass and puts in dish strainer – they hear a noise
outside (audience sees shadow), wind chime then planter
falling over. Dacey calls an uber and sends him away.
Essence: Nothing good can come from this
Conflict: Tom wants to hide there, Dacey won’t let him
Subtext: Dacey is being set-up for something
Hope/fear: They are fear/someone outside will hurt them
4.
5.
SCENE (SEQUENCE) ARC: TOM IS GONE, ALL IS GOOD
EXT. DACEY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Tom leaves in car. Stands on porch and waves, goes inside.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Dacey stands in doorway leading into other room, looks over
kitchen, shuts off light and leaves.
Essence: Dacey has thwarted what could have been a problem
Conflict:
Subtext: the cup
Hope/fear: It’s over/fear it was a set-up
Scene (sequence) arc: from Dacey waking in a panic to
deciding it was all a dream.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
In morning Dacey wakes up, suddenly, distressed, jumps out of
bed.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
She rushes to kitchen – cup is not there, in cabinet. Goes
outside – planter is not knocked over – daughter comes to
door and calls her and she just misses seeing dirt on ground
as planter was picked up. Freezes again but then jumps to
action and goes in house. Tells daughter she had a very
realistic dream about a patient coming to house.
Essence: It was all a dream! Relief!
Conflict: Her daughter is a little perturbed with her
Subtext: somebody was there, why does she “freeze”?
Hope/fear: it was all a dream/fear it really happened an it
is not over.
Scene Arc: From maybe Tom was there, but okay that’s not too
bad to he is dead and she might have been last to see him!
5.
6.
INT. NURSES’ STATION – DAY
Dacey goes to work and hears that Tom was found dead. He was
murdered some where else and his body was dumped in an alley,
brutally beaten with a blunt object. She is questioned about
knowing anything about it and denies it.
Essence: Tom is dead and Dacey is not admitting that he was
at house.
Conflict: Dacey is lying, boss who questions her can tell
something is wrong
Subtext: Dacey lies because she maybe she knows something??
Hope/fear: It was a dream/it wasn’t and Dacey is going to get
in trouble, had something to do with it
Scene Arc: Dacey is having problems to Ward coming home and
not being supportive
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Ward comes home from trip – cracks in his veneer – he is
irritated with Dacey because house is not clean, dinner is
not done. He does something sketchy around the container
where Dacey keeps tea bags. Puts on tea kettle for her.
Essence: Ward is not such a great guy…
Conflict: Ward is angry that house isn’t clean, dinner isn’t
waiting for him
Subtext: Dacey is distressed and it seems as though it is
extreme for situation/she knows something
Hope/fear: Dacey is going to be okay/fear something else is
going on with what she knows about Tom
Scene Arc: from Dacey being somewhat distressed to having a
serious reason to be!
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Dacey sees that a rug is out of place in the living room. She
moves it and finds blood underneath (audience superior
position as she is pulling backwards and doesn’t see blood
trail at first). Dacey cleans the blood. Has flash of bat and
blood flying. Goes to kitchen and takes glass Tom used out of
cabinet, looks it over, throws it away.
Essence: There is blood in her house
6.
7.
Conflict: Someone was murdered in her house and she saw it
Subtext: Dacey doesn’t remember consciously, why?
Hope/fear: hope it’s not real/fear it is (also hope is it
real/ fear it’s not – because what does it being not real
mean for Dacey?)
Scene arc: From Dacey clean blood to Ward not seeing it,
ignoring it.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – BATHROOM – NIGHT
Dacey cleans blood from her hands, bloody pile of clothes on
the floor. Ward comes in, ignores blood, questions why she is
scrubbing hands like that. Dacey is confused.
SCENE ARC: FROM THINKING MAYBE IT WAS A DELUSION TO NOW WE
KNOW IT IS!
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Dacey goes into living room and blood is back – she cleans it
up again. Ward comes in a chastises her for not getting kids
ready for school. He does it himself. Makes her tea and has
her stop to drink it. Blood reappears before her eyes.
Essence: Dacey is crazy
Conflict: Ward is mad that kids aren’t being taken care of
Subtext: This is not the first time something like this has
happened
Hope/fear: Dacey is okay/fear she is very crazy
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY SEEMING OKAY TO HAVING MULTIPLE
DELUSIONS AND RUNNING FROM HOUSE
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Dacey gets ready for work, a shadow passes behind her that
she doesn’t see. Then she sees it, it is Tom, dead, bloody
and beaten. Dacey rushes out of bedroom.
7.
8.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS – DAY
Dacey veers at last moment to avoid spot, there is nothing
there. Leaves and slams door shut.
Essence: Dacey is really losing it
Conflict: A dead guy is in her house!
Subtext: The blood is back?
Hope/fear: Dacey is okay/fear she had something to do with
murder or is crazy (both are equally bad).
SCENE ARC: FROM NICE EVENT THAT DACEY IS ENJOYING TO
INDICATION THAT SOMETHING BAD IS GOING TO HAPPEN
INT. HOSPITAL GROUP ROOM – DAY
Patients and staff work together to decorate a Christmas
tree. Dacey talks to doctor who says stress can cause strange
symptoms, but nothing to worry about, they are all distressed
about Tom. He wants to put her on day shift only, this back
and forth isnot good for anyone. Shyanne steals garland,
winks at Cora and shows her garland under her sweater.
Essence: Dacey is okay, all is okay
Conflict: Shyanne steals garland
Subtext: something bad is going to happen to Cora
Hope/fear: Dacey finds garland/something bad is going to
happen
SCENE ARC: FROM NICE PARTY, DACEY FEELING BETTER, TO
EMERGENCY WITH CORA
INT. HOSPITAL GROUP ROOM – NIGHT
Christmas party is in full swing. Doc and Dacey talk, she
feels better after talking to him, just so weird, never knew
anyone who was murdered before. Shyanne and Cora are missing
from party. Shyanne runs in points to room, can barely get
words out to explain what is going on (Cora, Cora is…help)
SCENE ARC: FROM EMERGENCY TO DACEY IS THE HERO
8.
9.
INT. PATIENT ROOM – CONTINUOUS – NIGHT
Dacey and other staff run into room. Cora is hanging with
garland. Dacey freezes, others can’t get her down, Dacey
demands they take Shyanne out and then Dacey jumps in and
gets her down (they are trying to lift her, Dacey does smart
thing and opens door and guides her to ground), gives her
CPR, she starts breathing.
In the background, patient in bed has one eye open.
Essence: Dacey is okay, competent at work
Conflict: Dacey knows Shyanne did this
Subtext: Shyanne loves this
Hope/fear: Cora is going to be okay/fear they can’t get her
down, breathing again
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY HAVING KIDS UPSET WITH HER TO APPEARING
GOOD AND DOING NORMAL THINGS
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Kids are hanging around, Dacey is washing floor, trying to
act casual, son asks about it, she cleans another area – in
her POV is spreading blood. Lana complains about not having a
tree, all her friends already have one.Dacey looks at blood,
blinks hard, looks again, doesn’t see it. Dacey says fine,
we’ll go. (you want to get a tree? Now? Okay, let’s go).
After they leave, a shadow passes by window.
Essence: Kids are starting to have problem with Dacey but she
is able to snap out of it
Conflict: Lana is mad that they don’t have a tree
Subtext: Dacey is realizing she is delusional
Hope/fear: Dacey is going to be able to overcome her
issues/fear there really is a problem – Tom is in house
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY DOING GREAT TO HAVING DELUSION THAT
SCARES CHILDREN
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
They put up tree. Dacey is trying to make sure it’s straight,
James help her. Lana brings her a cup of tea.
9.
10.
Mel goes through box of decorations, puts garland around her
neck like a scarf – invisible hands pulls her in the air –
Dacey runs over and grabs her legs, trying to pull her down.
Lana calls “Mom” and Dacey snaps out of it – she has her arms
wrapped around her daughter’s head (as she is standing, not
in air!)
Essence: Oh no, Dacey is crazy and kids are seeing it
Conflict: Dacey scares the kids
Subtext: Lana has something to do with it
Hope/fear: Ward doesn’t hear about this!/fear Dacey is in big
trouble (with being crazy and family)
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY SEEMING LIKE SHE IS GOING TO TELL TRUTH
TO LYING
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – FRONT HALL – DAY
Police come to her house to ask her about Tom coming over
before his murder. She denies. They leave.
Essence: Police are on to her
Conflict: They think she has something to do with it
Subtext: Dacey is scared she had something to do with it
Hope/fear: Dacey is innocent/fear she killed Tom
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY ADMITTING SOME THINGS TO WARD AND HIM
COMFORTING HER THAT HE WILL HANDLE THINGS
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN
Dacey tells Ward about police. Says she dreamed he came over,
but he didn’t really, no evidence he was there in morning.
Ward tells her there is nothing to worry about, he will take
care of everything.
Essence: Dacey is finally admitting things to Ward
Conflict: Dacey is holding a lot back
Subtext: Ward knows she is holding back (and what)
Hope/fear: Ward will take care of everything/what she holds
back is going to haunt her later
10.
11.
SCENE ARC: WARD APPEARS TO BE HELPING TO WE DON’T THINK HE IS
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – BEDROOM
Husband watches footage on RING camera. Sees Tom come in and
then leave in Uber. Deletes it, but then we see he has
already recorded to cloud.
Essence: Ward is not helping
Conflict: Ward is doing something to hurt Dacey
Subtext: Dacey is about to be in a world of shit
Hope/fear: Ward is helping/fear he is trying to hurt Dacey
SCENE ARC: FROM POLICE JUST ASKING FOR HELP TO ACTUALLY
STATING SHE IS A PERSON OF INTEREST IN CRIME
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
The police come back to see Dacey, they show her video of Tom
coming – she admits that something happened that night but
she thought it was a dream. She tells them that he left – she
called an uber – they FF video, he never leaves, she shows
uber account, never was a pick-up that night. They tell her
to stay in town. Her boss comes, too for emotional support.
Tom walks through room, distracts Dacey.
Essence: Dacey is a “person of interest”
Conflict: Police and Dacey – she has to admit to lying before
and looks guilty
Subtext: For police – she is holding something back (audience
knows though)
Hope/fear: Dacey can get out of this/fear she is going to
make herself a real suspect just because she is holding back.
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY LOOKING LIKE SHE KILLED TOM TO FOR SURE
INNOCENT
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Dacey wakes from nightmare where she was witness to Tom being
killed, didn’t do it herself. Wakes rolls over and looks at
Ward
11.
12.
Essence: Dacey is not the killer
Conflict: Dacey witnessed killing
Subtext: Maybe it was Ward…
Hope/fear: she can figure it out/fear she won’t and will get
arrested.
SCENE (SEQUENCE) ARC: FROM DACEY SEEMING BETTER TO DOING MUCH
WORSE
INT. HOSPITAL MEDICATION CLOSET – DAY
Dacey looks down at her feet, sees patient shoes, blinks,
back to her own shoes.
Dacey goes into closet furtively and steal anti-psychotic
meds.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Dacey finishes up cleaning, takes dinner out of oven. Ward
comes home and is happy, kids are happy. Ward helps her clean
kitchen after dinner, they dance. He makes her tea.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Dacey moves rug into correct place, frowns at change in floor
color (faded from scrubbing so much) relaxes. Ward brings her
tea, talks about how she seems much better. Ward goes
upstairs and she examines tea before drinking it
Essence: Meds are helping
Conflict: There is tension from Dacey toward Ward
Subtext: Dacey is suspicious of Ward
Hope/fear: Dacey is going to be okay/fear that Ward might
make sure she is not.
SCENE ARC: FROM WARD DEFINITELY DRUGGING HER TO ACTING ALL
SUPPORTIVE
12.
13.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Ward takes out tea bags and adds drops of liquid to them.
Lana almost catches him.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Dacey is really losing it again- scrubbing floor. Ward comes
home and says he will cook dinner, it’s okay, he understands.
He call her and kids for dinner. She doesn’t come. Ward helps
her clean up bucket.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY
Ward sets out clothes while Dacey scrubs her hands, he kisses
her and tells her to come down to eat when she is done.
Essence: Ward is drugging her and acting all nice
Conflict: Ward is being passive/aggressive
Subtext: Ward is about to do something
Hope/fear: Dacey figures out what is going on/Lana tells her
something, fear that Ward is about to doing something big
SCENE ARC: FROM WARD LEAVING TO BRINGING LANA IN ON HIS PLAN
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Ward walks past Dacey who is scrubbing floor and not even
noticing that he has suitcases.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Ward talks to kids, Mel and James don’t want him to leave, he
assures them that he’ll make sure they are okay and he
alludes to Lana that she knows what to do.
Essence: Ward is leaving but Lana is on his side
Conflict: Lana is against her mother
Subtext: Even though Ward is leaving thing won’t get better
for Dacey – may get worse
Hope/fear: Ward is just talking about taking care of little
kids/fear he means to keep drugging Dacey
13.
14.
SCENE ARC:
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – FRONT HALL – DAY
Doorbell rings. Dacey comes out with bucket, sees it’s her
boss. Runs to kitchen, dumps bucket, splashes bloody water on
floor, puts rags down, washes hands, puts on robe. She
answers door and can’t decide where to go. Settles on living
room. Moves rug. Boss puts her on leave until the conclusion
of the investigation.
Essence: Things are getting worse for Dacey
Conflict: She is put on leave
Subtext: she will not be going back to work
Hope/fear: She ask him for help/fear that will cause more of
a problem
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY BEING SUSPICIOUS OF WARD TO THEM
GETTING BACK TOGETHER
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN
Ward calls Dacey and on the phone we hear him say he should
have stayed and helped her, not abandoned when she needed him
most – could she forgive him? Could they get back together?
Dacey gets very emotional, is thrilled and agrees to meet him
at restaurant where they had first date.
Essence: Ward is sorry and wants to make up
Conflict: Dacey is reluctant at first
Subtext: Is this legit? Too good to be true…
Hope/fear: Ward is being authentic/fear something worse might
happen.
SCENE ARC: FROM WARD SEEMING LIKE HE IS TRYING TO GET BACK
WITH DACEY TO CONFIRMING WHAT A SCUMBAG HE IS
14.
15.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Ward hangs up phone and has an orgasm. Girl from anniversary
party comes up from under covers and snuggles with him.
Essence: Ward does not want to get back with Dacey
Conflict: Ward is playing her for some reason
Subtext: He is going to do something
Hope/fear: Dacey figures it out/he is going to hurt her…
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY BEING HOPEFUL TO KNOWING WHAT AUDIENCE
KNEW ALL ALONG
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
There is a reservation and an order for wine and hors
d’oeuvres. Dacey waits…and waits…and waits. Finally leaves
and rushes out to get home.
Essence: Ward had no intention of meeting her and now she
knows that
Conflict: Ward didn’t show up
Subtext: Ward must be doing something, Dacey must get home!
Hope/fear: He was just messing with her/fear He was trying to
get her out of house.
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY BEING WORRIED TO HAVING HER WORST FEARS
REALIZED
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – FRONT HALL
Dacey rushes into house calling kids, no answer, goes to
their rooms, many things are gone. Ward calls, he tells Dacey
that he has kids and if she says anything he’ll have her
locked up.
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY DOING NORMAL THINGS TO ANOTHER INSANE
DELUSION.
15.
16.
INT. CHURCH – NIGHT
Christmas Eve, Dacey sees people from hospital on alter, all
get pulled up to ceiling by garland that snakes down, blood
starts leaking from statues, people, waves of blood on floor.
Tom sits next to her, whispers in her ear.
Essence: Dacey is getting worse
Conflict: Dacey is fighting her mind that threatens to pull
her under
Subtext: No meds
Hope/fear: Dacey gets help/fear she is too far gone
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY THINKING THEY ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER
TO SEEING WARD AND DANA
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Christmas morning husband brings kids, says he will come in
but has to get something from car, goes out. Dacey seems
smitten, playing happy families. No blood on floor.
Dacey gives kids presents, they all say they already got them
from Dana (father’s girlfriend). She looks out window for
husband – he is in car – doing something that looks weird.
Dacey gets on boots and coat – goes outside. Walks up to car
and sees –
He is j’ing off to video call with girlfriend.
Essence: Dacey now knows they aren’t getting back together
Conflict: Dacey catches Ward being wildly inappropriate
(almost sends Mel out but then goes herself)
Subtext: He is doing something that looks weird from house
Hope/fear: They are getting back together/fear that he is
leaving house for some odd reason
SCENE (SEQUENCE) ARC: FROM DACEY BEING MORTIFIED BY WARDS
ACTIONS THROWN INTO A FULL BLOWN DELUSION
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS -DAY
Dacey mortified runs back in house.
16.
17.
Ward comes in, makes Dacey tea, with tea bags that he brings
and puts into her tea bag holder she cries, he comforts her,
tells her girl means nothing and he still wants to work
things out with her. She asks about Christmas presents, he
says coincidence. She says she looked up online and saw that
everything she bought them was listed, girlfriend must have
looked, now she just sounds paranoid.
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
James is on blood spot, playing with a toy car, smearing
blood. Dacey screams
Ward comes in and says there is no blood, look
Dacey looks, no blood, realizes she never said anything about
blood, asks him how he knew. He tells kids it is time to
leave. They leave their stuff, barely say good bye.
Essence: Ward knows about blood
Conflict: Between Dacey and Ward and Dacey and kids
Subtext: Ward knows more than he is letting on
Hope/fear: Maybe it will be okay/Ward is controlling
everything
SCENE ARC: FROM DACEY TRUSTING TOM AND BEING ABLE TO SOLVE
EVERYTHING TO GETTING TAKEN AWAY (ARRESTED)
INT. DACEY’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Tom leads her to husband’s closet where she finds (rubber
chicken – which is in cart that woman pushes around in
hospital) then she finds bat, she turns to Tom but then
Ward is there, not Tom and he grabs her leg and yanks her out
of closet, he chokes her. Admits everything. Door bell rings
and someone yells “Police”
Police come to arrest her. She is fighting off Ward, who in
police POV is not there. She yells for Tom – fights them.
They call an ambulance and send her away.
Essence: Dacey is crazier than we thought
Conflict: Fake Ward, then police
Subtext: Something is very wrong here
17.
18.
Hope/fear: Dacey finds bat is going to be able to exonerate
self, but then Ward is there, going to kill her.
SCENE (SEQUENCE)ARC: FROM HOW IS DACEY WORKING TO DACEY IS
NOT A REAL PERSON
INT. HOSPITAL LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT
What looks like our Dacey standing in front of her locker
(where we’ve seen her before) getting ready for work someone
comes up to her and says “She’s awake.” Dacey follows
person.
INT. PATIENT ROOM – CONTINUOUS – NIGHT
“Dacey” is in bed, still think she’s there, under arrest, but
then they call her Christina, patient who has been in
background. Nurse we thought was Dacey is called Darcey.
Dacey/Christina is upset that Tom is dead, that she is being
blamed for killing him, etc. still believing that she is
Dacey. Darcey comforts her, explains everything to her, how
doc calls it splicing. Shyanne gestures to Christina to grab
Darcey’s door swipe. Christina does and throws it to her.
Essence: Dacey is not real!
Conflict: Christina doesn’t believe Darcey
Subtext: Shyanne is going to do something
Hope/fear: Darcey notices keys/something bad is going to
happen to Christina.
SCENE (SEQUENCE) ARC: FROM SHYANNE STEALING DARCEY’S
BELONGINGS TO THEM LEAVING
INT. LOCKER ROOM – NIGHT
Shyanne goes to locker and gets Darcey’s belongings.
SCENE ARC:
EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
Shyanne, Christina and Tanya find car by pressing button on
remote and car beeps. They all pile in.
18.
19.
INT. CAR (MOVING) – NIGHT
Shyanne throws Darcey’s wallet at tells her to find Darcey’s
address. (what’s your address?)
EXT. DARCEY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Darcey’s car pulls up and Dacey/Christina gets out. Shyanne
peels out. Dacey/Christina is confused that it is not the one
from her dream.
INT. DARCEY’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS – NIGHT
She goes and looks for kids. Thinks she finds bedroom, it’s a
sewing room, another door is a linen closet.
She stumbles around house, more and more upset. Darcey’s real
husband comes home, she sees him from behind, calls her
“husband’s” name – he turns around – short, bald, not
handsome like her “husband”.
She kills him (or at least injures severely).
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
POLICE pull up and Christina is arrested and taken to
hospital.
INT. PATIENT ROOM – NIGHT
Christina talks to nurse named Laura.
EXT. DARCEY’S HOUSE – DAY
A woman (appears to be Darcey) goes into “Darcey’s” house and
says I’m home, (and after a delay) her same three imaginary
kids rush up to her – her imaginary husband turns around with
her breakfast and says hi Lori, I made breakfast –
19.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Vision: I will write everyday producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that if I can pack my script with intriguing moments (instead of front- or back loading it) it is going to be better.

ACT 1

Intrigue – who/why is her co-worker whispering in Dacey’s ear? Why do her husbands lips move when he says different words (then her ears buzz)

Secret –

Covert agenda – Dacey’s husband is looking to get rid of her

Hidden identity – Dacey’s husband is not the perfect husband he appears to be, Dacey is not the perfect nurse she appears to be or the perfect mother

Conspiracy – is her husband going away for some reason? To catch her doing something?

Scheme – Is someone following Tom

Superior position – there was someone looking in the window, Dacey does not see the footprints

Cover up

Mystery – Who killed Tom? Why is Dacey lying?

ACT 2

Intrigue – Is Dacey losing it or she being drugged? Why does she see slippers? Is Tom really a ghost or a hallucination like the blood?

Secret – Dacey knows that Tom was killed in her house, but doesn’t tell anyone

Covert agenda – Dacey is keeping what she knows about Tom’s murder a secret because she can’t admit what she does know since it makes her look crazy

Hidden identity – does Dacey know her husband’s girlfriend? They are friends? She confides in her and she tells husband? YES!

Conspiracy – maybe she takes kids? This is something to think about…Lana is also in on it as she helps little ones pack

Scheme – husband has Dacey go to restaurant and then doesn’t show up, steal kids

Superior position – Girlfriend and husband are in bed when he calls Dacey

Cover up – Dacey lies to police

Mystery – Did Dacey kill Tom? Witness it?

Act 3

Intrigue – Dacey is “in hospital” but then she is standing at locker, when someone calls her name it is a little off, and then when she turns, she is a totally different person!

Secret – Christina steals Darcey’s keys when she asks for a hug

Covert agenda – Shyanne wants to escape and is using Christina to do so, then she just dumps her

Hidden identity – Dacey is revealed to be Christina, a patient in hospital

Conspiracy – When Darcey comes in Shyanne is whispering to her about giving Darcey a long hug and taking her keys.

Scheme

Superior position –

Cover up

Mystery

Act 4

Intrigue – 3 people have escaped from a mental hospital

Secret

Covert agenda – Christina is there (at Darcey’s house) to claim her life as Dacey

Hidden identity- when Christina first walks to door it appears it might be Darcey

Conspiracy

Scheme

Superior position-audience knows there are no children and that Christina is not going to see her fantasy life

Cover up

Mystery

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Vision: I will write everyday, creating not only high volume, but high high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that emotion can be (for me) what makes a movie good or bad. My favorite movies are ones that evoke strong emotions in me – so why I aren’t I taking advantage of that in my own writing????

Positive Emotions

Surprise –

Bonding

Excitement –

Courage – Dacey stands up to Tom, no longer fears him

Success/Winning – when Tom shows Dacey the bat it seems like she is going to save herself, but then she doesn’t

Love – Dacey thinks her husband is coming back, she thinks all is well with kids

Negative Emotions

Wounds – Dacey looks at a file of one of her patients and sees a very traumatic past (this is actually her file, but we don’t know until later…)

Emotional Dilemma

Betrayal – her husband tricks her and takes the kids (Act II)

Moral issue – when she finds the bat, does she tell the police?

Hidden weakness – Dacey has her own trauma (much like her patients) she can get triggered by and it happens

Distress – Dacey has a tough time with her delusions and becomes very distressed by them, she is also distressed when her husband takes the kids

Sacrifice – Dacey lets the kids go

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Beat Sheet Draft 1

Vision: I will write every day, producing not only high quantity but high quality scripts that will ultimately become popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that of all the projects I’ve ever done, having a beat sheet for this one is the most important.

4-Act Structure

TC is triangle character = Tom

ACT I

PJ1: Dacey is at work, she is popular, efficient at her job, a patient cuts herself and Dacey handles it perfectly, although everyone else is falling apart.

Deeper Layer: In the background a patient lays in the bed, although there is no focus on her.

TC1: Tom talks at a group therapy session about being afraid to leave. Other patients tease him and he has to leave to calm down. Later there is a patient in hallway, he pushes her arm up and laughs when it doesn’t fall.

Deeper Layer: When Dacey comes in she pushes a patient in a stander into the circle. The nurse Darcey is in the background. People talk about their kids, someone says her husband always cooks her breakfast

PJ2: Dacey goes home in the morning. Her husband and children greet her, she is obviously popular with them as well, all excited to see her

AJ1: Dacey’s husband is at the stove – breakfast supplies are on the counter. He turns around and has everything laid out for Dacey to cook.

PJ3: Dacey comes home to a surprise anniversary party. She is thrilled. Her husband is amazing.

AJ2: Dacey’s husband flirts with DANA at the party, he also seems to be drinking.

PJ4: Dacey calls husband out on drinking, but he denies it. She checks cups in the garbage can, seems to determine that he was drinking.

PJ5: Inciting Incident: Her husband tells her he is going on a trip and she says it always falls apart, tells him look what happened last time and begs him not to go.

Genre Convention: Intrigue (what happened before?)

AJ3: He explains to her that he checked the smoke alarms, the pilot on the furnace.

Deeper layer: He says something strange in the middle of his sentence and his lips don’t move with his words, Dacey blinks hard and he is back to normal

TC2: Tom comes to Dacey’s house in the middle of the night, hysterical, afraid that someone is chasing him and trying to kill him.

PJ6: Dacey is freaked out that Tom is there – not appropriate – tries to get him to leave – she gives him a glass of water – washes glass and puts in dish strainer – they hear a noise outside (audience sees shadow), wind chime then planter falling over. Dacey calls an uber and sends him away.

Genre Conventions: Mystery-is someone really chasing Tom? who was outside?

TC3: Tom leaves in uber

PJ7: Dacey’s looks over kitchen (cup is in strainer) shuts off lights and heads upstairs.

PJ8: In morning Dacey wakes up, suddenly, distressed, rushes to kitchen – cup is not there, in cabinet. Goes outside – planter is not knocked over – daughter comes to door and calls her and she just misses seeing dirt on ground as planter was picked up.

Genre conventions: Mystery and suspense (and intrigue) – was it all a dream? Then again, who was outside?

PJ9: Dacey goes to work and hears that Tom was found dead. She is questioned about knowing anything about it and denies it.

Genre conventions: Intrigue – is she going to get in trouble?

AJ4: Husband home from trip – cracks in his veneer – he is irritated with Dacey because house is not clean, dinner is not done. Husband does something sketchy around the container where Dacey keeps tea bags.

Genre conventions: Intrigue – what is he doing? Dangerous villain –

Turning Point 1: PJ10: Dacey sees that a rug is out of place in the living room. She moves it and finds blood underneath (audience superior position as she is pulling backwards and doesn’t see blood trail at first). Dacey cleans the blood. Has flash of bat and blood flying. Goes to kitchen and takes glass Tom used out of cabinet, looks it over.

Genre conventions: mystery – Tom’s blood? How did it get there? Intrigue- if Tom was there then how did cup get back in cabinet?

PJ10: Dacey goes into living room (at a later time, there is something else in between here) and blood is back – she cleans it up again and it reappears before her eyes. She cleans it again.

Genre conventions: Intrigue – okay, what the heck is going on here?

TC4: Tom shows up (dead) and freaks Dacey out!

Genre conventions: mystery and intrigue – is Tom really there? She appears to be having delusions…so –

PJ11: At work they put up a Christmas tree and have a Christmas party. A patient steals the garland and hangs herself in the room. Dacey saves her.

PJ12: At home kids are getting irritated because they haven’t gotten a tree. They go get one. The smallest girl puts garland around her neck like a scarf – invisible hands pulls her in the air – Dacey runs over and grabs her legs, trying to pull her down. Oldest daughter calls “Mom” and Dacey snaps out of it – she has her arms wrapped around her daughter’s head (as she is standing, not in air!)

Genre conventions: intrigue – this is getting crazy! What is going on with Dacey? Is she crazy or is it the tea (because she is always having tea just before delusions occur)

Act 2: PJ13:Police come to her house to ask her about Tom coming over before his murder. She denies. They leave.

Genre conventions: suspense and intrigue: what about blood? She should have told them about everything, is she going to get caught lying?

PJ14: Dacey tells husband about police. Says she dreamed he came over, but he didn’t really, no evidence he was there in morning.

AJ5:Husband watches footage on RING camera. Sees Tom come in and then leave in Uber.

Genre conventions: dangerous Villain – what is he doing to footage?

PJ15: The police come back to see Dacey, they show her video of Tom coming – she admits that something happened that night but she thought it was a dream. She tells them that he left – she called an uber – they FF video, he never leaves, she shows uber account, never was a pick-up that night. They tell her to stay in town.

Genre conventions: dangerous villain – what did he do to footage Intrigue – why? Mystery – what happened to Tom?

PJ16: Dacey is really losing it – not cooking, etc. scrubbing floor all the time to the point where color is gone. Husband is picking up slack, making her an awful lot of tea…

Genre conventions: mystery and intrigue – why is this happening to her?

AJ6:Packs up his stuff and leaves – tells his kids not to worry he will make sure they are ok.

Genre conventions: intrigue- what is he doing?

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: PJ17: Dacey is not taking care of kids, herself, house.

AJ7: Calls Dacey, feels bad that he left, he should have stayed and helped her, not abandoned when she needed him most – could she forgive him? Could they get back together?

PJ17: Dacey gets very emotional, is thrilled and agrees to meet him at restaurant where they had first date.

AJ8: Husband hangs up phone and has an orgasam. Girl from anniversary party comes up from under covers and snuggles with him.

Genre conventions: intrigue-what the heck is he doing???

PJ18: Dacey goes to the restaurant – there is a reservation and an order for wine and hors d’oeuvres. Dacey waits…and waits…and waits. Finally goes home. Kids are gone. Phone rings, it is her husband.

AJ8: He tells Dacey that he has kids and if she says anything he’ll have her locked up.

Genre conventions: dangerous villain

PJ19: Christmas Eve, Dacey goes to church, sees people from hospital on alter, all get pulled up to ceiling by garland that snakes down, blood starts leaking from statues, people, waves of blood on floor.

PJ20: Dacey at work, looks down at her feet, sees patient shoes, blinks, back to her own shoes.

Deeper layer: strange delusion above (but then a quick switch so audience doesn’t have time to think about it)

TC5: Tom comes up to her and whispers in her ear – she freaks out

AJ9: Christmas morning husband brings kids, says he will come in but has to get something from car, goes out. Dacey seems smitten, playing happy families

Genre conventions: anticipation – is he really going to be part of the happy family?

PJ21: Dacey gives kids presents, they all say they already got them from Dana (father’s girlfriend). She looks out window for husband – he is in car – doing something that looks weird. Dacey gets on boots and coat – goes outside. Walks up to car and sees –

Genre conventions: intrigue – he has a girlfriend? mystery – what is he doing?

AJ10: He is j’ing off to video call with girlfriend.

Genre conventions: intrigue – oh boy

PJ22: Dacey mortified runs back in house. Son is playing with toy cars – right in the puddle of blood – Dacey screams for him to move –

AJ10b: Husband comes in, makes Dacey tea, she cries, he comforts her

PJ22b: Dacey goes into living room and son is one blood spot, playing with a toy car, smearing blood. Dacey screams

AJ10c: Husband comes in and says there is no blood, look

PJ22c: Dacey looks, no blood, realizes she never said anything about blood, asks him how he knew

Genre conventions: Intrigue – how does he know?

PJ23: Boss comes to house and fires her (this probably happens earlier than this) Tom leads her to husband’s closet where she finds (rubber chicken – which is in cart that woman pushes around in hospital) then she finds bat, she turns to Tom but then

Deeper layer: there is a woman in the hospital who pulls a cart around, there is a rubber chicken in it

AJ11: her husband grabs her leg and yanks her out of closet, he tries to choke her. Door bell rings and someone yells “Police”

PJ24: Police come to arrest her. She yells for Tom – fights them (need to add more with Tom and how he shows her the bat). They call an ambulance and send her away.

Act 3: PJ25:At the hospital, what looks like our Dacey standing in front of her locker (where we’ve seen her before) getting ready for work someone comes up to her and says “Darcey, she’s awake.” “Darcey” turns and it is not the woman we have been following –

Deeper Layer – it is a woman we have seen in background, but never focused on. She follows the other nurse to the patient room and the “Dacey” we have been following is in the bed, where we have seen a patient, but never focused on her either.

PJ26: This is Christina, an intermittent catatonic patient who has been imagining herself as “Dacey” – she is upset that Tom is dead, that she is being blamed for killing him, etc. Darcey comforts her. Patient who instigated other patient to cut herself gestures to Christina to grab Darcey’s door swipe. Christina does and throws it to her. Patient goes to locker and gets Darcey’s belongings.

PJ27: Christina and two other patients leave hospital. Christina finds Darcey’s address and tells driver to bring her there. They drop her off at house. She is confused that it is not the one from her dream.

PJ27: She goes into house and looks for kids. Thinks she finds bedroom, it’s a sewing room, another door is a linen closet

PJ28: She stumbles around house, more and more upset. Darcey’s real husband comes home, she sees him from behind, calls her “husband’s” name – he turns around – short, bald, not handsome like her “husband”. She kills him (or at least injures severely).

PJ29: She is arrested and taken to hospital. Talks to nurse named Laura.

PJ30: She (but audience doesn’t see who it is – it could be Darcey) goes into “Darcey’s” house and says I’m home, (and after a delay) her same three imaginary kids rush up to her – her imaginary husband turns around with her breakfast and says hi Lori, I made breakfast –

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale Deeper Layer

Vision: I will write every day, producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that ultimately get made into popular television shows and movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is that the influences and the hints are going to be extremely important for this story.

Surface Layer: Dacey is a respected nurse in a psychiatric hospital.

Deeper Layer: Dacey doesn’t exist – she is the construct of a patient named Christina who is catatonic and is imagining this life is hers.

Major Reveal: “Dacey” gets put in the hospital for Tom’s murder. Then she is at her locker in uniform – another nurse comes in and says “She’s awake”. Dacey turns and it is not her – they go into the room and the woman we’ve been seeing as “Dacey” is in the bed.

Influences Surface Story: There are multiple things that happen that are connected to the main story. At a Christmas party one of the patients steals a garland from the tree and hangs herself – Dacey’s daughter puts a garland around her neck and Dacey sees it pull up as if by invisible hands, Dacey freaks – it is a delusion based on what the patient sees

Hints: Dacey looks down at her nurse’s shoes, sees patient slippers, blinks and nurse shoes are back on her feet

Changes Reality: Nothing was real – it was all in her head

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Character Structure

Vision: I will write everyday, producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that this is an incredibly useful exercise! I have a much clearer idea of where I am going and this will also help to keep on track and focused, as this story has the potential to go off in confusing directions. Specifically thinking about Christina’s structure, will be helpful.

Dacey

Beginning: Dacey is at work, she is popular, efficient at her job

Inciting Incident: Her husband goes on a trip and she says it always falls apart then and begs him not to go. Tom is murdered after coming to her house.

Turning Point 1: She begins to see blood and Tom’s ghost

Act 2: She is questioned about murder, falling apart, husband leaves her

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Husband tricks her and takes kids

Act 3: She is implicated in murder, looks for and finds evidence with Tom’s help that it is her husband who committed murder

Turning Point 3: Police come to arrest her for murder

Act 4 Climax: She freaks out, tries to show evidence of her husband committing murder

Resolution: Gets taken to hospital where she worked and is strapped to bed. Then is doing bed checks as a nurse named Jill

Christine (the “real” Dacey)

Beginning: Laying in a bed in the background when Dacey goes into room to help patient who cut herself. Wheeled into room in a “stander.” Often in the background getting PT, being walked around, standing in odd positions (Tom comes by puts her arm up and walks away laughing when it stays that way)

Inciting Incident: Wakes up from catatonic state

Turning Point 1: Darcey comforts her, tells her she is okay, she is Christina, Tom isn’t dead, etc. Steals Darcey’s keys and throws them to roommate

Act 2: Go to Darcey’s locker and find all of her information, car keys, etc.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Other girls drop her off at house – she is confused – it doesn’t look right, but she goes in

Act 3: She walks through the house, looking for children’s rooms, thinks she is finding them, but then it is a sewing room, a closet, etc.

Turning Point 3: Getting more and more hysterical, Darcey’s husband comes home – has right name but is short, fat and bald

Act 4 Climax: Kills Darcey’s husband, police come and take her back to hospital

Resolution: Returns to hospital, catatonic. Laying in bed, but a nurse (the one we have seen as “Dacey” all this time but we now know is Christine) comes in a does “bed checks” – steps out of room and co-worker calls her Jill (we met a nurse named Jillian earlier)

Beginning: The day after Dacey is introduced Tom is at a meeting – he is very nervous about getting discharged, he gets razzed by patients and gets upset. He moves the arm of another patient and laughs when it doesn’t move

Inciting Incident:He shows up at Dacey’s house, looking for help as he believes he is being chased, he leaves in a cab

Turning Point 1: Tom, dead appears to Dacey at her house

Act 2: Tom follows Dacey around and tries to get her attention

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Tom finds a way to get through to Dacey and not scare her

Act 3: Tom shows Dacey the murder weapon in her husband’s closet

Turning Point 3: Her husband comes and Tom disappears

Act 4 Climax: As Dacey is being arrested Tom tries to intervene and cannot

Resolution: Tom is in the hospital, fine, and never left

Husband (name TBD)

Beginning: When Dacey comes home in the morning, he is attentive and loving

Inciting Incident: At the anniversary party he appears to be drinking (reformed alcoholic) and flirting with another woman

Turning Point 1: Gets agitated with Dacey and what he believes are delusions

Act 2: He leaves Dacey, taking all his belongings

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: He makes a reservation at the restaurant where he and Dacey had their first date. Orders champagne and an appetizer. He calls Dacey and tells her that he wants to get back together and that he wants to meet at that restaurant to talk about it. It is revealed that he is in bed with the other woman while he is on phone with Dacey

Act 3: He never shows up at restaurant but calls Dacey and tells her that he has the kids and she needs to keep her mouth shut about it or he won’t ever let her see them again. He desperately looks for something.

Turning Point 3: He comes to house to get evidence that he left in closet.

Act 4 Climax: He pulls Dacey out of the closet by her feet and holds up the bat to hit her.

Resolution: The doorbell rings and he runs away.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Supporting Characters

Vision: I will write everyday, producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this lesson is that it really helps to understand the “whys” of having a character so that you can have the smallest number of actors to tell the story that you need.

Support 1: Patient

Name: ?

Role: Supporting

Main purpose: Cause trouble

Value: Gives Dacey purpose at work, allows her to show her adeptness

Support 2: Patient 2

Name: ?

Role: Supporting

Main purpose: Fearful, manipulated by patient 1 and creates issues that Dacey has to resolve

Value: Allows Dacey to show her kind and nurturing side at work

Support 3: Daughter

Name: Lana

Role: Supporting

Main purpose:to lead the younger children in being angry with Dacey, siding with father

Value: creates animosity at home even after husband leaves

Support 4: 2nd daughter

Name: ?

Role: Supporting

Main purpose: “in the middle” tries to support mom but is pulled the other way

Value: shows a back and forth that creates a desire for Dacey to do the right thing

Support 5: Son

Name: ?

Role: Supporting

Main purpose: “the baby” who is the “all is lost” when Dacey loses him

Value: brings the problems to a head when he doesn’t want to see her

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Character Profiles part 2

Vision: I will write everyday, producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular television shows and movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is that I really am “getting to know my character” and it is going to be easy to write their actions and dialogue since I “know” them!

A. The High Concept. SPLICED: When a psychiatric nurse is blamed for murder of a former patient, she has to fight to maintain her freedom, her job, her family and her sanity.

B. This character’s journey. Dacey is popular, self-assured, able to look at the bright side of things, let small things go – but here’s the thing – her life is going well. Of course she is doing fine, everything is good in her life, why wouldn’t she be doing well? When her world gets difficult, her kids are fresh, her marriage breaks down, she is in trouble at work, she doesn’t do well – she is unsure, pessimistic, fearful and unable to stand up for herself —> Dacey, with the help of Tom, stands up for herself. She proves that it was her husband who killed Tom instead of taking the blame for it (as she was doing in the beginning)

C. The Actor Attractors for this character.1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Dacey is a complex character who is basically playing two roles at once (but the audience doesn’t know this). Although she is a nurse at the hospital (going through some intense issues) she is actually a patient in the bed of the hospital. There will be a lot of subtext for an actor to play and there are a lot of hints. This role will take skill and the actress will be able to show a range of ability.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Dacey goes through a steady decline in mental stability. She sees blood stains, ghosts, has a number of delusions but is always trying to hold it together for her family. She medicates herself, not falling into “this is really happening camp”.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Dacey decides to go with the belief that she is not crazy and that Tom is there to help her. She uses him to help her solve his murder – so in other words, she stops sitting back and allowing herself to be accused of something she knows she didn’t do and blaming it on a psychotic break.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Dacey’s first moment of introduction is shrouded in mystery. She is at the nurses’ station and a voice whispers “Wake the fuck up” – she turns and sees her co-worker. Then they are thrust into action when a patient screams and they rush to the room where another patient has cut herself. Dacey is calm, cool, and collected – a juxtaposition to everyone else who is freaking out (including her colleague).

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Hadn’t really thought about this before, but I am going to ensure a major range of emotions. At the beginning before her delusions start to fall apart she can be happy, even crossing over to ecstatic when she is surprised by the party her husband throws for their anniversary. She can be afraid to terrified, upset to irate, etc.

6. What subtext can the actor play? This is huge – Dacey’s entire life is a delusion, yet there are delusions within the delusion. The subtext is really intense and the right actor, with the right skill will really be able to bring huge meaning to this role.

7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? I think Dacey’s relationship with Tom will be the most interesting. They will go from being nurse/patient where Dacey will be trying to help Tom to Dacey trying NOT to help Tom when he shows up uninvited at her house (2x both ALIVE and DEAD) to her going back to trying to help him find his killer.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Dacey’s voice will be unique as in she will be acting a lot (not the actress, the character…LOL). When the detectives are there and Tom is also there (dead) she will have to play off like she doesn’t see him (Tom can be a prankster when he is alive and can still be doing pranks when he is dead). She will also have to act like she doesn’t see blood – her son sits on the blood spot and plays with a toy – blood streaks everywhere – he doesn’t see it, she can’t react.

9. What makes this character special and unique? Dacey is unique because she is not really doing what she appears to be doing – she is “splicing” what she sees and hears to make a life for herself (albeit a fake life).

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

After Dacey’s husband takes the kids (tricks her) she goes to church and the priest is talking but says something weird (something someone would be saying in the hospital). Dacey looks up panicky – people from the hospital are on the altar – then garland snakes down from the ceiling and wraps around their necks, yanking them upwards – blood begins to leak from their eyes, ears, etc. as well as from the statues. Around her the congregation sings Ava Maria (which is a serious contradiction to what Dacey is seeing as it is so beautiful). Dacey looks down and there are waves of blood, lapping against her legs. Dacey has to hold in her panic as she knows what she is seeing isn’t real – yet it feels so real.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

Role in the Story: Protagonist

Age range and Description: 35, mousy and somewhat frumpy

Core Traits: timid, people-pleasure, fraud

Motivation; Want/Need: wants to be needed/respected/looked up to and needs confirmation that she is a hero in everyone’s eyes

Wound:she has experienced her own trauma similar to her patients, but has to hold it in

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:Likability: other people like her, she is kind, caring and empathetic nurse, a “hero” to her patients, her colleagues look up to her, she is a great mother and wife

Relatability: she is just a regular person who had something bad happen to her and had a snowball effect of more and more bad things happen (this could happen to anyone)

Empathy: she gets accused of something she didn’t do, she starts to lose her mind, scary things happen to her (delusions) her husband does terrible things to her, her children turn against her, she gets fired

Character Subtext: Is always pretending to be something she is not (confident when she is unsure, in charge when she is submissive) actually see her change

Character Intrigue:Strange delusions, not sure if they are real, she’s crazy, etc.

Flaw: “Dacey” freezes when things go wrong (often)

Values: Dacey will not throw her husband under the bus, even when she is suspicious of him

Character Dilemma: Does she assume she is crazy when she is sure she is not? What can she do to figure out what is wrong?

The Husband – A. The High Concept. SPLICED: When a psychiatric nurse is blamed for murder of a former patient, she has to fight to maintain her freedom, her job, her family and her sanity.

B. This character’s journey. Dacey’s husband – he goes from being an attentive husband to a deceptive cheater who steals his kids and is ultimately determined to be the murderer and the one who framed Dacey.

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Dacey’s husband is such a cool character. He is very deceptive and is never who he appears to be. He is cunning and deceptive. He does some things to Dacey that are pretty clever in order to frame her for a murder that he commited. He is an alcoholic who had sobered up but recently slipped up so he is trying to hide it.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He does a 180, going from being the ideal husband to a conniving manipulator and ultimately murderer.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? He calls Dacey after he leaves her and begs her to take him back (and he is getting oral sex while he is talking to her) . He makes a reservation at a nice restaurant so they can have dinner and talk. While Dacey is waiting at the restaurant for him he goes to the house and takes the kids.When she finally gives up and goes home, he calls her and tells not to tell anyone or he’ll make sure she never sees them again.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He greets Dacey when she is coming home from work after an overnight. He seems great, but there is something off – (he is hung-over and his girl-friend just left out the back door)

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Since he is a great guy at first (loving and attentive husband) and he plans a big anniversary/renewal of vows event he is able to be happy but when he thinks his wife is cheating on him he is as angry as they come.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He is an alcoholic who is hiding his drinking from his wife – he is cheating on his wife but he plays the perfect husband.

7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? He has an interesting relationship with Dacey. It is full of deception, lies, and conniving actions.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He is almost nauseatingly sweet. He constantly compliments people but they are back-handed compliments.

9. What makes this character special and unique? His cleverness

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

After leaving Dacey he calls her and tells her that he wants to get back together. He makes plans with her to go to the restaurant where he asked her to marry him. When he hangs up, a woman crawls up from under the blanket where she just finished giving him oral sex. Dacey goes to the restaurant and they bring out an appetizer and a bottle of wine that he pre-ordered. She waits and waits. When she finally goes home, as she walks in the door the phone is ringing – it is her husband – he tells her that he has the kids – she’s crazy and if she tells anyone he’ll make sure she never sees them again.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

Role in the Story: Antagonist

Age range and Description: 38, put together but gets progressively worse (needs a shave, etc. them when he leaves Dacey he looks good again

Core Traits:charmer, a “complisulter,” a loving father

Motivation; Want/Need: to have a good family and homelife, needs to be the big kahuna

Wound: his marriage falling apart and his wife cheating on him – because this happened to his father and his mother abandoned them.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: he is a good, caring husband, he is a great dad who will do anything in the world to protect his children (even kill the man he thinks is his wife’s lover and frame his wife)

Relatability: just a regular guy, a hard worker who is trying to hold family together in the face of troubles

Empathy: his wife is going crazy and ruining their lives

6. Character Subtext: Always has ulterior motives

7. Character Intrigue: deceptive to the point that he is impressive

8. Flaw:Liar, cheater

9. Values: protect children at all costs

10. Character Dilemma: Does he allow Dacey to see the children?

Tom’s Journey : Tom starts as a patient in the hospital and ends up dead and “haunting” Dacey

Tom’s actor attractors

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Tom gets to play crazy and then dead! He is a prankster in life and in death.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Tom is paranoid schizophrenic so he is unpredictable and fun (as only a person in a movie with this disease would be…) Then he is dead and walking around Dacey’s house.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? When Dacey figures out that he is not there he helps her discover who murdered him.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Tom is at a group meeting where he is talking about his impending discharge. He is being heckled by the other patients who get him going and loses it- having to be removed from meeting

5. What is this character’s emotional range? While in the hospital Tom is afraid, but since he is getting discharged he has to walk the edge of being paranoid. When he shows up at Dacey’s he is in full blown paranoia, but he is forced to tone it down when she threatens to call the hospital to send him back. Tom is also always pulling pranks, so he displays a childlike joy when he gets someone with a prank.

6. What subtext can the actor play? Tom has to tone down his paranoia but it is always there under the surface.

7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? Tom’s most interesting relationship is with Dacey. He needs her help and then she needs his help.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Tom is clinically insane, so he can be paranoid, whiney, silly. He likes to prank people and hopes that he is pleasing people. He is always looking for approval from others (was that good? Did you like that? Was it funny?)

9. What makes this character special and unique? Tom is dead for most of the movie.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

In the scene where Tom is introduced there is a support group meeting that Dacey is helping a new employee run. Dacey pushes a patient in a supine stander into the room and then goes to Tom and asks him if he wants to talk about his discharge. He agrees but Christina heckles him and gets him upset. He starts with talking about leaving and being scared, but having to reign in any paranoia (subtext) as they won’t let him leave if he is paranoid – but when Christina tells him there are people out there who want to kill him he gets a little wonky and this increases until he is in a full blown panic attack.

Role in the Story: The triangle (like Hooper!)

2. Age range and Description:40, paranoid schizophrenic, homeless when not in direct care

3. Core Traits:a jokester, afraid of everything, deep down a kind heart

4. Motivation; Want/Need:wants to be normal, needs to be reassured

5. Wound:was seriously abused as child

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Likability: Tom should be easy to like, he is like an overgrown child with an air of innocence about him. He likes to have fun, even if those around him don’t think what he is doing is “fun” he means no harm. Relatability: Tom basically is just doing his thing and gets accused of having an affair with Dacey. Empathy: Tom is brutally beaten to death.

7. Character Subtext: Barely holding on at any given time – is always about to succumb to whatever emotion (fear, anger, sadness)

8. Character Intrigue:Crazy, but a lot of fun

9. Flaw:paranoid, can’t get out of his own way

10. Values: honest to a fault

11. Character Dilemma:Does he believe others when they reassure him or go with his own gut feelings?

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Character Profiles Part 1

Vision: I will write everyday, not only producing high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this lesson is that I have a similar set up to Jaws with the pro, than ant, and the triangle.

A. The High Concept. SPLICED: When a psychiatric nurse is blamed for murder of a former patient, she has to fight to maintain her freedom, her job, her family and her sanity.

B. Dacey’s journey. Dacey is popular, self-assured, able to look at the bright side of things, let small things go – but here’s the thing – her life is going well. Of course she is doing fine, everything is good in her life, why wouldn’t she be doing well? When her world gets difficult, her kids are fresh, her marriage breaks down, she is in trouble at work, she doesn’t do well – she is unsure, pessimistic, fearful and unable to stand up for herself —> Dacey, with the help of Tom, stands up for herself. She proves that it was her husband who killed Tom instead of taking the blame for it (as she was doing in the beginning)

C. The Actor Attractors for Dacey

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Dacey is a complex character who is basically playing two roles at once (but the audience doesn’t know this). Although she is a nurse at the hospital (going through some intense issues) she is actually a patient in the bed of the hospital. There will be a lot of subtext for an actor to play and there are a lot of hints. This role will take skill and the actress will be able to show a range of ability.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Dacey goes through a steady decline in mental stability. She sees blood stains, ghosts, has a number of delusions but is always trying to hold it together for her family. She medicates herself, not falling into “this is really happening camp”.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Dacey decides to go with the belief that she is not crazy and that Tom is there to help her. She uses him to help her solve his murder – so in other words, she stops sitting back and allowing herself to be accused of something she knows she didn’t do and blaming it on a psychotic break.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Dacey’s first moment of introduction is shrouded in mystery. She is at the nurses’ station and a voice whispers “Wake the fuck up” – she turns and sees her co-worker. Then they are thrust into action when a patient screams and they rush to the room where another patient has cut herself. Dacey is calm, cool, and collected – a juxtaposition to everyone else who is freaking out (including her colleague).

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Hadn’t really thought about this before, but I am going to ensure a major range of emotions. At the beginning before her delusions start to fall apart she can be happy, even crossing over to ecstatic when she is surprised by the party her husband throws for their anniversary. She can be afraid to terrified, upset to irate, etc.

6. What subtext can the actor play? This is huge – Dacey’s entire life is a delusion, yet there are delusions within the delusion. The subtext is really intense and the right actor, with the right skill will really be able to bring huge meaning to this role.

7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? I think Dacey’s relationship with Tom will be the most interesting. They will go from being nurse/patient where Dacey will be trying to help Tom to Dacey trying NOT to help Tom when he shows up uninvited at her house (2x both ALIVE and DEAD) to her going back to trying to help him find his killer.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Dacey’s voice will be unique as in she will be acting a lot (not the actress, the character…LOL). When the detectives are there and Tom is also there (dead) she will have to play off like she doesn’t see him (Tom can be a prankster when he is alive and can still be doing pranks when he is dead). She will also have to act like she doesn’t see blood – her son sits on the blood spot and plays with a toy – blood streaks everywhere – he doesn’t see it, she can’t react.

9. What makes this character special and unique? Dacey is unique because she is not really doing what she appears to be doing – she is “splicing” what she sees and hears to make a life for herself (albeit a fake life).

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

After Dacey’s husband takes the kids (tricks her) she goes to church and the priest is talking but says something weird (something someone would be saying in the hospital). Dacey looks up panicky – people from the hospital are on the altar – then garland snakes down from the ceiling and wraps around their necks, yanking them upwards – blood begins to leak from their eyes, ears, etc. as well as from the statues. Around her the congregation sings Ava Maria (which is a serious contradiction to what Dacey is seeing as it is so beautiful). Dacey looks down and there are waves of blood, lapping against her legs. Dacey has to hold in her panic as she knows what she is seeing isn’t real – yet it feels so real.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

Role in the Story: Protagonist

Age range and Description: 35, mousy and somewhat frumpy

Core Traits: timid, people-pleasure, fraud

Motivation; Want/Need: wants to be needed/respected/looked up to and needs confirmation that she is a hero in everyone’s eyes

Wound: she has experienced her own trauma similar to her patients, but has to hold it in

Dacey’s Likability, Relatability, Empathy

Likability: other people like her, she is kind, caring and empathetic nurse, a “hero” to her patients, her colleagues look up to her, she is a great mother and wife

Relatability: she is just a regular person who had something bad happen to her and had a snowball effect of more and more bad things happen (this could happen to anyone)

Empathy: she gets accused of something she didn’t do, she starts to lose her mind, scary things happen to her (delusions) her husband does terrible things to her, her children turn against her, she gets fired

The Husband (name not yet determined)- A. The High Concept. SPLICED: When a psychiatric nurse is blamed for murder of a former patient, she has to fight to maintain her freedom, her job, her family and her sanity.

B. This character’s journey. Dacey’s husband – he goes from being an attentive husband to a deceptive cheater who steals his kids and is ultimately determined to be the murderer and the one who framed Dacey.

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Dacey’s husband is such a cool character. He is very deceptive and is never who he appears to be. He is cunning and deceptive. He does some things to Dacey that are pretty clever in order to frame her for a murder that he committed. He is an alcoholic who had sobered up but recently slipped up so he is trying to hide it.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He does a 180, going from being the ideal husband to a conniving manipulator and ultimately murderer.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? He calls Dacey after he leaves her and begs her to take him back (and he is getting oral sex while he is talking to her) . He makes a reservation at a nice restaurant so they can have dinner and talk. While Dacey is waiting at the restaurant for him he goes to the house and takes the kids. When she finally gives up and goes home, he calls her and tells not to tell anyone or he’ll make sure she never sees them again.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He greets Dacey when she is coming home from work after an overnight. He seems great, but there is something off – (he is hung-over and his girl-friend just left out the back door)

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Since he is a great guy at first (loving and attentive husband) and he plans a big anniversary/renewal of vows event he is able to be happy but when he thinks his wife is cheating on him he is as angry as they come.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He is an alcoholic who is hiding his drinking from his wife – he is cheating on his wife but he plays the perfect husband.

7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? He has an interesting relationship with Dacey. It is full of deception, lies, and conniving actions.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He is almost nauseatingly sweet. He constantly compliments people but they are back-handed compliments.

9. What makes this character special and unique? His cleverness

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

After leaving Dacey he calls her and tells her that he wants to get back together. He makes plans with her to go to the restaurant where he asked her to marry him. When he hangs up, a woman crawls up from under the blanket where she just finished giving him oral sex. Dacey goes to the restaurant and they bring out an appetizer and a bottle of wine that he pre-ordered. She waits and waits. When she finally goes home, as she walks in the door the phone is ringing – it is her husband – he tells her that he has the kids – she’s crazy and if she tells anyone he’ll make sure she never sees them again.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

Role in the Story: Antagonist

Age range and Description: 38, put together but gets progressively worse (needs a shave, etc. them when he leaves Dacey he looks good again

Core Traits: charmer, a “complisulter,” a loving father

Motivation; Want/Need: to have a good family and homelife, needs to be the big kahuna

Wound: his marriage falling apart and his wife cheating on him – especially a problem for him because this happened to his father and his mother abandoned them.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: he is a good, caring husband, he is a great dad who will do anything in the world to protect his children (even kill the man he thinks is his wife’s lover and frame his wife)

Relatability: just a regular guy, a hard worker who is trying to hold family together in the face of troubles

Empathy: his wife is going crazy and ruining their lives

Tom’s Journey : Tom starts as a patient in the hospital and ends up dead and “haunting” Dacey

Tom’s actor attractors

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Tom gets to play crazy and then dead! He is a prankster in life and in death.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Tom is paranoid schizophrenic so he is unpredictable and fun (as only a person in a movie with this disease would be…) Then he is dead and walking around Dacey’s house.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? When Dacey figures out that he is not there he helps her discover who murdered him.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Tom is at a group meeting where he is talking about his impending discharge. He is being heckled by the other patients who get him going and loses it- having to be removed from meeting

5. What is this character’s emotional range? While in the hospital Tom is afraid, but since he is getting discharged he has to walk the edge of being paranoid. When he shows up at Dacey’s he is in full blown paranoia, but he is forced to tone it down when she threatens to call the hospital to send him back. Tom is also always pulling pranks, so he displays a childlike joy when he gets someone with a prank.

6. What subtext can the actor play? Tom has to tone down his paranoia but it is always there under the surface.

7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? Tom’s most interesting relationship is with Dacey. He needs her help and then she needs his help.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Tom is clinically insane, so he can be paranoid, whiney, silly. He likes to prank people and hopes that he is pleasing people. He is always looking for approval from others (was that good? Did you like that? Was it funny?)

9. What makes this character special and unique? Tom is dead for most of the movie.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

In the scene where Tom is introduced there is a support group meeting that Dacey is helping a new employee run. Dacey pushes a patient in a supine stander into the room and then goes to Tom and asks him if he wants to talk about his discharge. He agrees but Christina heckles him and gets him upset. He starts with talking about leaving and being scared, but having to reign in any paranoia (subtext) as they won’t let him leave if he is paranoid – but when Christina tells him there are people out there who want to kill him he gets a little wonky and this increases until he is in a full blown panic attack.

Role in the Story: The triangle (like Hooper!)

Age range and Description:40, paranoid schizophrenic, homeless when not in direct care

Core Traits: a jokester, afraid of everything, deep down a kind heart

Motivation; Want/Need: wants to be normal, needs to be reassured

Wound: was seriously abused as child

Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Likability: Tom should be easy to like, he is like an overgrown child with an air of innocence about him. He likes to have fun, even if those around him don’t think what he is doing is “fun” he means no harm. Relatability: Tom basically is just doing his thing and gets accused of having an affair with Dacey. Empathy: Tom is brutally beaten to death.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Likeability / Relatability / Empathy

Vision: I will write everyday and not only produce high quantity but high quality scripts that are ultimately make into popular movies and television shows.

What learned doing this assignment is that it was fun to do the likability exercises for the antagonist. I am perplexed why in Law Abiding Citizen you still like him after everything he does, and this brings me a little closer to understanding it. I always say that everyone is the hero in their own story – so even if my antagonist killed some one, he did it for the right reasons in his story.

Protagonist: Dacey

Likability: other people like her, she is kind, caring and empathetic, a “hero” to her patients, her colleagues look up to her, she is a great mother and wife

Relatability: she is just a regular person who had something bad happen to her and had a snowball effect of more and more bad things happen (this could happen to anyone)

Empathy: she gets accused of something she didn’t do, she starts to lose her mind, scary things happen to her (delusions) her husband does terrible things to her, her children turn against her, she gets fired

Antagonist: her hubby, name TBD

Likability: he is a good, caring husband, he is a great dad who will do anything in the world to protect his children (even kill the man he thinks is his wife’s lover and frame his wife)

Relatability: just a regular guy, a hard worker who is trying to hold family together in the face of troubles

Empathy: his wife is going crazy and ruining their lives

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Character Intrigue

Vision: I will write everyday, producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have to keep going – this one stumped me a little and I didn’t do anything for a couple of days. Just fill in the blanks and don’t overthink!!!

Character Name: DACEY
Role: Protagonist/hero

Hidden agendas: fulfill her own needs (sex addict)

Competition: is in competition with other nurses to be the “favorite” of all the patients – never wants to be the bad guy, also plays this at home “wait till your father gets home”

Conspiracies: having Tom come over for a tryst

Secrets:

Deception:

Unspoken Wound: She is as damaged as her patients, has a trauma past similar to her them

Secret Identity:

Character Name – (huband) TBD

Role: Antagonist

Hidden agendas: wants to leave Dacey and take kids when marriage starts going sideways

Competition: doesn’t know it, but is in competition with other men when it comes to Dacey

Conspiracies: having his own affair

Secrets: killed Tom

Deception: making it look like Dacey killed him, while acting to her face like he is supporting her story

Unspoken Wound: thought he was the best husband in the world, hurt when he found out he wasn’t

Secret Identity:

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Subtext Characters

Vision: I will write every day, not only producing high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to ensure subtext in both layers – at first I started with just “her subtext is that she is really a patient in the hospital where she thinks she works” but having subtext within subtext is only going to make it better.

Movie Title: SPLICED

Character Name: DACEY (within the delusion)

Subtext Identity: unethical cheater

Subtext Trait: sleeps with patients

Subtext Logline: Dacey is an unethical cheater as she is married and sleeps with her patients.

Possible Areas of Subtext: When she is at work there can be a hint to Tom to come to her house (that nobody gets, very subtextual). She can come out of a patients’ room adjusting clothing, this is why Tom gets killed by her husband (thinks they are having affair), when she wakes up in morning and has had dream it is about sleeping with Tom and hearing and then seeing her husband outside the window (windchime and planter falling over) even though this not what we saw happen before – they were in living room and he says shh and they hear wind chime and planter fall – Dacey goes out in morning and sees no planters fallen, but then there is a dirt on ground so it was picked up (does Dacey see this, or just audience?) also footprints outside the window (again does Dacey see?) – no matter if she sees or not, daughter calls her name/smoke detector goes off and she leaves the backyard not seeing/ not remembering or focusing on what she sees (if she does).

The other Dacey (CHRISTINA)

Subtext Identity: she is actually a patient in the hospital

Subtext Trait: dreams up a life for herself

Subtext Logline: Dacey appears to be a nurse in the psych unit but she is actually a patient named Christina who is watching/listening to everything that is going on and is “splicing” it together to make a fantasy life for herself while she is in a catatonic state

Possible Areas of Subtext: we will constantly see “Christina” in the background, her eye opens, etc. “Dacey” will have the delusion where she blinks and sees her patient clothes, then blinks again and sees her nurse clothes, Dacey will have delusions within her delusions, the real Dacey is “Darcey” and she will be seen in the background as well, but never focused on, at the end someone calls out “Darcey” and an unfamiliar woman turns around – someone says “She’s awake” and Darcey goes to the Dacey we know – calls her Christina and talks to her about the fact that Tom is not dead. Also earlier, a doc is talking to a new nurse about splicing but again in background, not focused on and audience should not pick up on who he is talking about.

Character Name: The husband (name?)

Subtext Identity: an alcoholic (supposed to be in recovery but has relapsed) a cheater but kills the man who his wife cheats with

Subtext Trait: do as I say, not as I do

Subtext Logline: Husband is a relapsed alcoholic and lying cheater turned killer when his wife cheats on him. (this sounds like I’m a seriously disgruntled woman/wife but I am not! I’ve never had these kinds of issues with my husband! LOL)

Possible Areas of Subtext: at anniversary party makes toast with sparkling water but Dacey finds what she thinks is his cup with alcohol, supposed to be away but looking in window when Tom is there (?), talking to Dacey about getting back together while he’s getting oral sex from another woman, while Dacey is at restaurant waiting for him he goes to house and takes kids, makes it like he is coming for Christmas then stays in car and has phone sex with his girlfriend, makes Dacey think he is going to help her with the police but then gives them doctored footage

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Actor Attractors

Vision: I will write every day, producing not only a high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular movies and television shows.

Movie Title: SPLICED

What I learned doing this assignment is that it is not enough to have your character play “a range” of emotions, but there needs to be a spectrum within each emotion that is being played (I actually think I learned this in the previous lesson). I watched another movie with Sandra Bullock and she just got out of jail for killing a cop (didn’t even finish it, don’t remember the title) and she was stoic through most of the movie (except for the flashbacks) and I hated it! Just thinking about this character emotion thing really ruined that movie for me (also made me realize why there are certain movies I don’t like – when the the lead is emotionless all the time)

Lead Character Name: DACEY LOGAN

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Dacey is a complex character who is basically playing two roles at once (but the audience doesn’t know this). Although she is a nurse at the hospital (going through some intense issues) she is actually a patient in the bed of the hospital. There will be a lot of subtext for an actor to play and there are a lot of hints. This role will take skill and the actress will be able to show a range of ability.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Dacey goes through a steady decline in mental stability. She sees blood stains, ghosts, has a number of delusions but is always trying to hold it together for her family. She medicates herself, not falling into “this is really happening camp”.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Dacey decides to go with the belief that she is not crazy and that Tom is there to help her. She uses him to help her solve his murder – so in other words, she stops sitting back and allowing herself to be accused of something she knows she didn’t do and blaming it on a psychotic break.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Dacey’s first moment of introduction is shrouded in mystery. She is at the nurses’ station and a voice whispers “Wake the fuck up” – she turns and sees her co-worker. Then they are thrust into action when a patient screams and they rush to the room where another patient has cut herself. Dacey is calm, cool, and collected – a juxtaposition to everyone else who is freaking out (including her colleague).

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Hadn’t really thought about this before, but I am going to ensure a major range of emotions. At the beginning before her delusions start to fall apart she can be happy, even crossing over to ecstatic when she is surprised by the party her husband throws for their anniversary. She can be afraid to terrified, upset to irate, etc.

6. What subtext can the actor play? This is huge – Dacey’s entire life is a delusion, yet there are delusions within the delusion. The subtext is really intense and the right actor, with the right skill will really be able to bring huge meaning to this role.

7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? I think Dacey’s relationship with Tom will be the most interesting. They will go from being nurse/patient where Dacey will be trying to help Tom to Dacey trying NOT to help Tom when he shows up uninvited at her house (2x both ALIVE and DEAD) to her going back to trying to help him find his killer.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Dacey’s voice will be unique as in she will be acting a lot (not the actress, the character…LOL). When the detectives are there and Tom is also there (dead) she will have to play off like she doesn’t see him (Tom can be a prankster when he is alive and can still be doing pranks when he is dead). She will also have to act like she doesn’t see blood – her son sits on the blood spot and plays with a toy – blood streaks everywhere – he doesn’t see it, she can’t react.

9. What makes this character special and unique? Dacey is unique because she is not really doing what she appears to be doing – she is “splicing” what she sees and hears to make a life for herself (albeit a fake life).

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

After Dacey’s husband takes the kids (tricks her) she goes to church and the priest is talking but says something weird (something someone would be saying in the hospital). Dacey looks up panicky – people from the hospital are on the altar – then garland snakes down from the ceiling and wraps around their necks, yanking them upwards – blood begins to leak from their eyes, ears, etc. as well as from the statues. Around her the congregation sings Ava Maria (which is a serious contradiction to what Dacey is seeing as it is so beautiful). Dacey looks down and there are waves of blood, lapping against her legs. Dacey has to hold in her panic as she knows what she is seeing isn’t real – yet it feels so real.

Lead Character Name: TOM

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Tom gets to play crazy and then dead! He is a prankster in life and in death.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Tom is paranoid schizophrenic so he is unpredictable and fun (as only a person in a movie with this disease would be…) Then he is dead and walking around Dacey’s house.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? When Dacey figures out that he is not there he helps her discover who murdered him.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Tom is at a group meeting where he is talking about his impending discharge. He is being heckled by the other patients who get him going and loses it- having to be removed from meeting

5. What is this character’s emotional range? While in the hospital Tom is afraid, but since he is getting discharged he has to walk the edge of being paranoid. When he shows up at Dacey’s he is in full blown paranoia, but he is forced to tone it down when she threatens to call the hospital to send him back. Tom is also always pulling pranks, so he displays a childlike joy when he gets someone with a prank.

6. What subtext can the actor play? Tom has to tone down his paranoia but it is always there under the surface.

7. What’s the most interesting relationship this character has? Tom’s most interesting relationship is with Dacey. He needs her help and then she needs his help.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Tom is clinically insane, so he can be paranoid, whiney, silly. He likes to prank people and hopes that he is pleasing people. He is always looking for approval from others (was that good? Did you like that? Was it funny?)

9. What makes this character special and unique? Tom is dead for most of the movie.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

In the scene where Tom is introduced there is a support group meeting that Dacey is helping a new employee run. Dacey pushes a patient in a supine stander into the room and then goes to Tom and asks him if he wants to talk about his discharge. He agrees but Christina heckles him and gets him upset. He starts with talking about leaving and being scared, but having to reign in any paranoia (subtext) as they won’t let him leave if he is paranoid – but when Christina tells him there are people out there who want to kill him he gets a little wonky and this increases until he is in a full blown panic attack.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Actor Attractor

Vision: I will write every day, not only producing high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into great movies and television shows!!!!

What I learned doing this assignment is that the things that can make our characters great are the same things that will attract an actor to play that character.

Movie Title: THE GUILTY

Lead Character Name: Joe

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Funny, the reason I came up with are specific questions you have listed below – he plays a huge range of emotions and his character has a lot of subtext that an actor can tap in to (and of course it’s perfect for Jake Gyllenhaal who seems to be typecast as the “broken man” and this part fits that to a T). Also this character has an intense arc that I am sure an actor would want the opportunity to portray.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? This is very much a contained movie and he carries the whole thing. We mostly only see him (most others are just a voice on the phone) except for a couple of people who work at the call center with him, but they are minor characters with none to very little arc.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? He is a rebel. There is a secret past that is alluded to but not revealed until the end of the movie. He has bits of conversations that give a little more information about that secret each time. He goes into a private room to take his calls so that he can does his rebellious (yet life-saving) techniques to make the calls he needs to without anyone else hearing,

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He is introduced being proficient at his job, high stress, yet fielding calls like a pro – the bit of rebelliousness with his boss may be a bit of a trope (the rogue cop, as rogue as he can be in a 911 call center) but it works and that’s why it’s huge in cop stories (plus it might be a mislead, making you think his rebellious streak is why he is banished to the call center).

5. What is this character’s emotional range? I would say this character plays everything but happy. Also, what is cool is that when you pick any emotion, he plays a huge range – so for example “mad” – he plays perturbed -> outraged and everything in between.

6. What subtext can the actor play? This is huge – he has some sort of issue – a court case coming up the next day – but the audience is fed this in piecemeal and he carries this subtext with everything he does.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? He has an interesting relationship with Emily – mostly because they are relating to each other on deep emotional level and then it is all based on a misunderstanding (on Joe’s part) and when it becomes known to him that she is actually a perp, not a victim, he feels the need to confess his guilt to her – she is also a change agent for him.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Jake always seems to play a broken man – he is broken in everything he does in this movie (and does it so well). His character subtext is always there under the surface in his actions and words (anger and distress).

9. What makes this character special and unique? He is being punished for something (we don’t know what until the end) yet he takes his banishment job seriously. He has deep feelings for his wife and his daughter, but isn’t able to have a relationship with them (something to do with what he did wrong, but the audience doesn’t know what) and that puts him potentially in the same position that he thinks the man is in (who he thinks kidnapped his wife). He uses his own tragic story to save Emily at the end (of course in real life it’s exposition) and it is an amazing cathartic moment for the characters in the movie and the audience members.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

At the end when Joe is trying to talk Emily from jumping off the bridge (and knows the truth now, so he is approaching everything with a subtext of bewilderment as he has just realized what really happened) he goes through the gambit of emotions – and then he breaks down and admits what he did to her (which he planned on lying about in court but he confesses to her and then ultimately tells the truth in court) – this is the moment of his arc.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Jenifer Stockdale.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Genre Conventions

Vision: I will write everyday, creating not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be turned into popular movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that is a beneficial way to ensure the conventions are in the script. It is a way that can help us as writers to ensure that every scene has one or more of the conventions. I’ve always known what the conventions were (well, not always, but since I took the Thriller Class – lol) but never really had a specific process for putting them into the movie, other than just writing them in as I went along.

Hal, I don’t know if you actually read these, but I had a little “breakthrough” on the state to activity process. I’ve been doing this for a long time with you – Career Launch, Toastmasters, etc. and it has always been surface level – I could think of a time that I felt a certain way, but had a hard time actually recalling and feeling that same way during the activity. The other day, while writing something for this assignment, I feel a rush of success when I figured something out. I told myself to remember that specific moment so that I could recall it and the next time I did state to activity. This way I had a recent tangible feeling to recall rather than some abstract moment in my past. You might want to tell people to be looking for moments that they can use later. We don’t know – people might not feel like they have ever had success and/or it might be hard to recall them on a deep level during the activity. Anyway, I hope you read this – I think it’s good advice…LOL.

Title: SPLICED

Concept: When a psychiatric nurse is accused of murdering her former patient, she has to fight to keep her freedom, her job, her family, and her sanity.

Act 1:

Opening – Dacey working at the hospital, sitting a desk charting – shuts her eyes, rolls her neck and rubs it, close-up on ear bud where classical music plays, around the back of her head to her other ear where the little hair move and someone unseen whispers “wake the fuck up” (intrigue)- a staff member is behind her when she jumps up and looks (who was that? mystery) They talk, patient screams and they run to the room (intrigue). Patient has cut herself – Dacey is calm, everyone is losing it. She goes home, makes breakfast, husband and three kids get up, all love her to death. Husband surprises her with a renewing of their vows ceremony – during toast she is concerned that he is drinking champagne (tension) smells cup from garbage. Husband is going away, she says he can’t, that’s when it always starts to fall apart (this needs to be a very cool line – creating intrigue) – he says that only happened once and I’ve checked everything this time – changed batteries in smoke alarms, checked the pilots, etc. so it seems like she is talking about a fire that happened the last time he went away, not that her delusion falls apart.

Inciting Incident – Tom comes to her house after he is discharged, someone is chasing him (mystery – who? why) . He tells her shush and listens, they hear something fall over in yard, windchimes (suspense) she calls an Über and sends him home. After he leaves she washes his cup and leaves in strainer. She wakes in morning, unsure if it was a dream (mystery – was Tom really there?). Cup is in cabinet – determines it was a dream. Sees pots out window as she making breakfast and goes to check, none seem to be disturbed from the noise they heard (suspense), but just as she is leaving she sees dirt on the ground near the windchimes, pot fell and was put back (mystery – who did that?) then she sees what could be a footprint (a disturbance of some kind near the window and child calls her and/or smoke alarm goes off. Again the mystery – was Tom really there? And who was looking in window?)

Turning Point – Dacey hears that Tom is missing. There is a report on news about a body found in alley. Dacey turns off tv (only see/hear small bits of report to create intrigue) Also, is that Tom? (creates mystery) Detectives come to hospital to question Dacey (suspense, tension) she asks why, they say they are questioning everyone. Dacey tells the detectives that she doesn’t remember anything about that night (they assume she was drunk/on drugs/crazy) and she just decides she is crazy. They ask her if she was drinking/doing drugs and when she denies if she had even been mentally ill – she hesitates and then seems appalled they would even ask that question (tension and mystery – does Dacey have a history of mental illness?). Daughter is playing with bubbles – Dacey comes in and yells, daughter drops bubbles and spills them – runs upstairs. Dacey cleans them up. As they run toward rug (with red in it) Dacey notices that rug is in wrong place (looks and sees lighter spot on floor in shape of rug). Intrigue She starts to pull rug (she is facing forward) audience sees that wet spot from bubbles are creating a red trail (is this from rug? Mystery – intrigue) Dacey can’t get far with rug, turns to get better grip, pulls rug hard and reveals a large blood spot. She cleans up, but has some weird flashbacks of someone getting hit with a bat. (mystery – intrigue)

Act 2:

New plan – she admits to having to detectives that she remembered Tom coming over but sent him away in an Über when they come to her house to question her about hearing that Tom visited – where did they hear that from? They won’t tell her (mystery) (moved from midpoint)Dacey goes into living room and walks across the floor – her foot makes a “squish” noise and she looks down to see the blood stain that she cleaned up. She cleans it again and (not sure if it will be this soon) but after she cleans and walks away, it reappears. She starts to see Tom’s ghost at work and at home (mystery – is this real?)

Plan in action – she tries to use her children and her husband as alibis/character witnesses, but although her husband is supportive to her face (suspense) when he talks to detectives his story is against Dacey – he provides them ring doorbell footage that shows Tom go in the house but not come out, tells them that Dacey is crazy, but then again tells her everything is fine (tension and mystery, why is he acting this way?). Tells kids to say they heard something, daughter says but we didn’t, father comes up with a reason why it will help mother, but is a lie (he says if you say this – whatever it is – it will be something that will help your mother, but actually makes her look guilty – this will be something INGENIOUS I will come up with that will create INTRIGUE!) Dacey’s husband leaves her because she isn’t cooking, cleaning, etc. She is constantly cleaning floor and getting scared by Tom. Her husband had been picking up slack for kids, now they are upset with her (they haven’t decorated for Christmas). The youngest daughter puts a garland string around her neck and Dacey watches as it tightens and her daughter is lifted in the air – she screams and runs to her – daughter is n floor with garland not wrapped, perturbed with mother, Dacey tries to cover and say that is not safe (earlier patient in hospital hangs herself with garland – this should cause tension and suspense)

Midpoint Turning Point – Act 3: Dacey’s husband tricks her – he calls and tells her that he wants to meet, get back together – audience sees that he is with another woman (tension, intrigue, and maybe mystery – is he lying?) When Dacey goes to restaurant – there is a reservation for two, so it appears he is coming, she sits and waits…and waits (suspense) finally goes home – her phone rings as she goes in door – husband says I have kids, don’t say anything or you’ll never even see them – you’re crazy and you’ll end up in that place you work when I tell everyone what I know (tension). Kids come for Christmas, Dacey asks husband if we would come, too, he says of course, but then he stays in car, she looks out and it appears he is on phone and jerking off. The kids argue over who opens presents first, Dacey gets idea to do all at same time – they do, then they just sit there – (anticipation) Sheena already got them – Sheena is her husband’s girlfriend, she thought they were getting back together…open other presents, some weird things, like rubber chicken (intrigue). Dacey talks to husband, she figured out what I bought them, and got them before I did, that sounds paranoid – one maybe, but all three? (tension, intrigue). Looks online and sees her shopping history – realizes how she did it.

At some point here she finds out about Ring doorbell evidence from detectives/boss who comes to fire her

Rethink everything – she is afraid of Tom’s ghost, she keeps scrubbing the blood stains, starts to think that maybe Tom isn’t there to hurt her but to tell her something.

New plan – investigates the murder herself, asks detectives for Ring footage – sees a quick flutter that she thinks can be evidence of it being tampered with. Checks husband’s closet (which is now empty) but sees something in back – crawls in, finds rubber chicken (intrigue) but notices it has blood, backs up, Tom is there she screams, but then goes forward again, finds bat, backs up again, think Tom is there, but it is her husband – she has to fight him off.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – calls in the detectives to tell them she has solved the crime but only produces more evidence against herself. She is arrested and brought to her hospital as a patient.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Someone calls to Dacey (in nurses’ outfit at her locker) maybe says “Darcey” – a woman turns around, but it is not the woman we have been following – it is a woman we have seen as a nurse but who has never been focused on, the person tells her “She’s awake” Darcey says she’ll be right there, in the room a doctor is explaining to a new nurse how “Christina” hears everything when she is in that “state” and splices everything she hears together to make a life for herself

Resolution – the real Dacey (Darcey) comes in and talks to Christina who complains about stuff like Tom being dead, Darcey tells he isn’t dead.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Jenifer Stockdale.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

Vision – I will write everyday not only producing high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into popular television shows and movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is that all those years I spent NOT doing outlines were so wasted. THIS is the way to do it!

Concept – SPLICED: When a psychiatric nurse is blamed for murder of a former patient, she has to fight to maintain her freedom, her job, her family and her sanity.

Main conflict – Dacey is accused of killing Tom but it was her husband who did it and set her up.

Old Ways: apathetic, depressed, delusional, non-assertive, lets people walk all over her, accepts things as they are

New Ways: fights for her rights, doesn’t allow people to walk all over her, doesn’t take the blame for something she didn’t do, makes things better.

Act 1:

Opening – Dacey working at the hospital, respected by staff and patients alike, taking charge, handling things when a patient causes self-harm and everyone else is losing control.

Inciting Incident – Tom comes to her house after he is discharged, she calls an Über and sends him home

Turning Point – Dacey hears that Tom is missing and then that his body was found badly beaten in an alley and she is a suspect. Dacey tells the detectives that she doesn’t remember anything about that night (they assume she was drunk/on drugs/crazy) and she just decides she is crazy. She finds a blood spot under a rug and cleans up, but has some weird flashbacks of someone getting hit with a bat.

Act 2:

New plan – she admits to having remembered Tom coming over but sent him away in an Über, tries to defend herself

Plan in action – she tries to use her children and her husband as alibis/character witnesses, but although her husband is supportive to her face when he talks to detectives his story is against Dacey

Midpoint Turning Point – the blood stain that Dacey found and cleaned up reappears and she starts to see Tom’s ghost

Act 3:

Rethink everything – she is afraid of Tom’s ghost, she keeps scrubbing the blood stains, starts to think that maybe Tom isn’t there to hurt her but to tell her something.

New plan – investigates the murder herself, finds evidence that it is her husband

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – calls in the detectives to tell them she has solved the crime but only produces more evidence against herself. She is arrested and brought to her hospital as a patient.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Someone calls to Dacey (in nurses’ outfit at her locker) maybe says “Darcey” – a woman turns around, but it is not the woman we have been following – it is a woman we have seen as a nurse but who has never been focused on, the person tells her “She’s awake” Darcey says she’ll be right there, in the room a doctor is explaining to a new nurse how “Christina” hears everything when she is in that “state” and splices everything she hears together to make a life for herself

Resolution – the real Dacey (Darcey) comes in and talks to Christina who complains about stuff like Tom being dead, Darcey tells he isn’t dead.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Jenifer Stockdale.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s (well, Dacey’s) Transformational Journey

Vision: I will write every day producing not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into quality television shows and movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is I guess to make sure you click “post” – because I was sure I did this assignment (2x), but it’s not here. I am also doing all my assignments on Google Docs so I have them when I have to refer to them for subsequent lessons. What I learned about the actual lesson (which is the important thing!) is that I behooves my character and my story (and probably all stories) to dig deep when looking at character arcs – examining not only how there are external but internal changes (many movies only have one or the other predominantly shown). Since my character is actually mentally ill throughout the whole script, I need to have hints of this – even when she is doing fine, there needs to be a hint of neuroses at all times.

SPLICED: When a psychiatric nurse is blamed for murder of a former patient, she has to fight to maintain her freedom, her job, her family and her sanity.

Arc Beginning: Dacey is popular, self-assured, able to look at the bright side of things, let small things go – but here’s the thing – her life is going well. Of course she is doing fine, everything is good in her life, why wouldn’t she be doing well? When her world gets difficult, her kids are fresh, her marriage breaks down, she is in trouble at work, she doesn’t do well – she is unsure, pessimistic, fearful and unable to stand up for herself.

Arc Ending: Dacey, with the help of Tom, stands up for herself. She proves that it was her husband who killed Tom instead of taking the blame for it (as she was doing in the beginning)

Internal Journey: goes from accepting the fact that she is crazy to fighting her way to stop the gaslighting/medicating that her husband is doing to her, internalized horrible things children say to put her down

External Journey: Investigates murder of Tom instead of taking blame for it – even though she knows she didn’t do it, disciplines her children

Old Ways: apathetic, depressed, delusional, non-assertive, lets people walk all over her, accepts things as they are

New Ways: fights for her rights, doesn’t allow people to walk all over her, doesn’t take the blame for something she didn’t do, makes things better.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s Subtext Plot

Vision: I will write every day, producing not only high volume but high quality screenplays that will be made into popular movies and television shows.

SPLICED – When a psychiatric nurse is accused of murdering a former patient, she must clear her name and fight to save her job, her family and her sanity.

Scheme and Investigation –
Dacey investigates Tom’s murder because she is being accused of it and
she knows she didn’t do it.

Layering – at the end “Dacey”
is not a nurse, but is actually a patient

Someone Hides Who They Are –
people may seem like they are being sketchy about who they are – but that
is because they aren’t who they are…(this will add some intrigue and also
will help during the reveal)

Superior Position – The audience
knows that Dacey’s husband is not authentic (acts as though he is a nice
guy but audience sees evidence to the contrary)

[Jenifer Stockdale]

<div>Jenifer Stockdale’s Intentional Lead Characters</div>

Vision: I will write every day and produce not only high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into great movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that by having a character log line in place before you even start writing, you can ensure a unique character who delivers on the premise of the script.

SPLICED

Character: Dacey Logan

Log-line: My protagonist is a
nurse in a psychiatric unit who is accused of murdering her former patient
and is haunted by the ghost of that patient.
Unique: She is actually a
patient in the hospital who is in a catatonic state and who has “spliced”
together what she hears to make a life for herself outside of the
hospital.

Character: Thomas (Tom) Robertson

Log-line: The antagonist who is a paranoid schizophrenic and former patient of Dacey’s who was murdered and now haunts her.

Unique: Tom is the manifestation of Dacey’s delusion falling apart.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jenifer Stockdale’s title, concept, and character structure

Vision: I will write every day, not only producing high volume but high quality scripts that will ultimately be made into great movies and television shows.

What I learned doing this assignment is that it is great to get on the forums!

Title: SPLICED

When a former patient’s badly mutilated body is found after he visits her home, a psychiatric nurse is haunted by the evidence of his death and his ghost and has to fight to maintain her job, her family, and her sanity.

Thriller

Character structure: Protagonist vs. Antagonist

[Jenifer Stockdale]

I, Jenifer Stockdale, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Hello Fellow Alumnus and Friends!

My name is Jenifer Stockdale and I have written several screenplays, both feature and short, as well as a couple of TV pilots. I have made several short movies; approximately fifteen for the 48 Hour Film Project and three with a budget.

I hope to be able to bring my screenwriting skills to a higher lever. I am pretty burned out as a teacher and am looking for a way to escape – yet still be able to eat.

I used to always put that I’m from Martha’s Vineyard as my “unique” trait, but now I think it just makes me strange –

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Hi Judith, I just sent it again – maybe I am going to your spam..?

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Hi Judith! Yes, I would love to exchange. I will send my outline now.

Thank you!

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Hi Andrew,

Absolutely! Today would be a great day for me to get it done, back to the grind tomorrow! My email is jsscreenwriter@gmail.com