[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Profound Map Version 1

What I learned doing this assignment is: I had to edit out quite a bit to attempt to streamline this into a useful document. I kept trying to make it a full outline but realized that was counterproductive. It’s handy to have everything ready at a glance. I’m eager to move forward with the script, after a few rounds of feedback, of course!

TITLE: MOBIUS SYNDROME
Screenplay by: Jenn Quintenz
Novel by: Amanda Quintenz-Fiedler

1) What is Your Profound Truth?
Ready or not, life is happening now. Don’t wait for the perfect moment, or you’ll miss everything.

Closing yourself off from others doesn't just protect you from grief; it deprives you of love, which is essential to being human.

2) What is the Transformational Journey?
Old Ways: Self-defeating, Sarcastic, doesn't see the point in trying, believes she suffers unique and unfair misfortune, isolates herself

Journey: Taylor grows from a grieving patient who behaves as if her life is already over into a determined woman risking her life to save her sister and change her world.

New Ways: Empowered, embraces others, able to form genuine friendships, values what she once took for granted, isn’t afraid to love even if it means grieving loss.

Transformational Logline: After surviving the crash that killed her sister, a young woman discovers her life-threatening seizures send her back to relive moments from her past. But as she’s falling for the neuroscientist trying to save her, she realizes she has the power to rewrite her sister’s fate—if she’s willing to risk her life and her heart.

3) Who are Your Lead Characters?
Transformable Character: TAYLOR DONLAN
A young woman trapped in a medical facility for nearly a year with no answers to her worsening condition. After several increasingly severe seizures that blur the line between reality and memory, she loses hope and attempts suicide. But through her journey of grief and self-discovery, Taylor begins to embrace her inner strength, taking control of her life for the first time—and uncovering the extraordinary power within her.

Change Agent: CARRIE GRIFFIN
An unfiltered, incorrigible old woman brought in to help Taylor re-engage with life after her suicide attempt. Though dying from cancer, Carrie refuses to let her diagnosis stop her from savoring every moment. Her philosophy: you can’t control the hand life deals you, but you can learn to play your cards. Having lived through loss and joy alike, Carrie embodies resilience and helps Taylor find the courage to embrace life fully.

Betraying Character: RIAZ
A handsome young world-renowned neurodiagnostic epileptologist brought in to tackle Taylor’s mysterious and worsening condition after all other specialists fail. Dedicated and compassionate, he becomes torn between his feelings for Taylor and his ethical duty as a doctor. As Taylor begins to believe she can rewrite the past, Riaz fears she’s losing touch with reality. Though he genuinely wants to help her, his inability to accept her experiences as real creates a rift that forces Taylor to choose between his care and her conviction.

The Oppression: TAYLOR’S NEUROLOGICAL DISORDER
Taylor’s seizures strike without warning, triggering emotionally wrenching and physically devastating episodes. Each episode grows more severe, threatening her life with every occurrence. If preventative measures aren't found soon, the next attack could be fatal.

4) How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?
A. Relatability: Taylor is an introvert but must give a speech in front of a large group at her sister’s wedding. She loves her sister but hates her sister’s new husband – must play nice even though he’s a dick. In hospital, doesn’t like being pushed around by the system but must deal with it. Gets moved into a “roomie” situation but is in no mood to be social.

B. Intrigue: What is Taylor’s mysterious disorder? What happened with Sydney and Christopher? What happened with Aaron and Taylor?

C. Empathy: We learn that Taylor’s sister – who was also her best friend – has died. Taylor’s been patient hoping for answers, then learns she may never get out of the hospital. In a moment of despair, Taylor tries to kill herself. Taylor has a fear of needles but needs regular tests. Later, Taylor is falling in love with her doctor: a relationship doomed to fail.

D. Likability: Even afraid of public speaking, Taylor makes a great toast and the crowd loves it. Sydney loves her deeply; their connection is real and powerful. Taylor is funny, with a dark sense of humor. Taylor bonds with Carrie, makes the facility a nicer place, helps other patients.

5) What is the Gradient of the Change?
EMOTIONAL GRADIENT
Desired Change. Taylor shifts from impassive victim to empowered world-changer, risking everything to save her sister.

Excitement: Riaz arrives, bringing the hope that he can cure her.

Doubt: When Riaz starts asking for details of the lapses, Taylor shuts down: too painful to relive.

Hope: Taylor realizes she can change her past during lapses… which means she might be able to figure out how to save her sister. Carrie and Taylor begin forming a plan.

Discouragement: Taylor tells Riaz she can change the past, he doesn’t believe her. Her condition worsens, forcing the doctors to consider medically neutralizing her emotions. Carrie dies, leaving Taylor alone.

Courage: Taylor knows now that one more lapse will kill her, but she’s prepared to do everything she can to save Sydney. She lapses, and when Sydney refuses to speak to her, she convinces Aaron to pursue his feelings for her sister.

Triumph: Taylor wakes up in the hospital… but she’s reset the timeline. Sydney is alive, and she’s broken up with Christopher. Taylor’s new life – not waiting for things to be perfect but taking action.

ACTION GRADIENT
SETUP
• Taylor is trapped in hospital with undiagnosed seizure disorder, grieving the death of her sister.
• Learning she’s no closer to answers after a year of this, Taylor attempts suicide.
• Strove assigns an unfiltered, incorrigible old woman named Carrie as Taylor’s new roommate.
• Strove brings world-renowned brain-specialist Riaz to help Taylor – her last chance.

JOURNEY
• Riaz approaches Taylor’s treatment unlike any other doctor, but Taylor resists.
• Taylor shuts down when Riaz asks about what she experiences during the lapses.
• Riaz convinces Taylor to work through the trauma with him.
• Taylor shares the story starting with Christopher and leading up to Sydney’s death.
• In a lapse, Taylor changes her past, returning without the life-long scar on her arm.
• Riaz can’t believe this, and Taylor starts to pull away from him.
• Carrie believes Taylor, who is now convinced she might be able to save Sydney.
• Taylor and Carrie try to find the best time for Taylor to lapse.
• Carrie dies before the day arrives, pushing Taylor into another lapse.
• In this lapse, Taylor tries to warn Sydney, but Sydney gets pissed that Taylor is disparaging Christopher.
• When she revives, Riaz wants to put her on medications to prevent any further lapses, even if it turns her into a Zombie. Taylor refuses.
• Riaz arrives to say goodbye, with the repaired teacup, but discovers Carrie and Taylor’s “plan” – says she won’t survive another lapse.
• Riaz begs Taylor to take the medication, professes his love.
• Taylor kisses him, but says she has to try – she goes into another lapse.
• In the lapse, she tries to call Sydney, but Sydney is still angry about what Taylor said and keeps hanging up.
• Taylor instead convinces Aaron to act on his feelings for Sydney, knowing that they had a connection neither acted on because of her.

PAYOFF
• Taylor comes to in the hospital—thinking she has failed—then sees Aaron and Sydney waiting for her.
• Sydney broke up with Christopher, which means there will be no car crash, which means Taylor’s walking into a new future.
• Taylor finds Carrie and convinces her to get screened for cancer early enough that it’s caught and treated.
• Carrie and Taylor become roommates, and Taylor takes all the opportunities she previously passed on…
• But she’s still pining for Riaz (who’s full name she can’t remember), who’s somewhere in London since he never came to America to treat her.
• At Carrie’s “cancer-free” celebration, Strove arrives, bringing Riaz as his guest (b/c Carrie asked him to).
• Taylor and Riaz “meet” again, and the spark is still there.

CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT

Challenge: Starting the diagnosis process over from the beginning with a new doctor.
Weakness: Taylor is attracted to Riaz.

Challenge: Getting Taylor to confront her trauma / determine the link to the lapses.
Weakness: Taylor resists being vulnerable, feels she’s doomed.

Challenge: If she can go back to the right moment, Taylor might be able to save Sydney.
Weakness: But… one more lapse will likely kill her.

Challenge: Taylor lapses and must find a way to reach Sydney and change the past before she runs out of time.
Weakness: Taylor’s body is dying.

Challenge: Taylor “dies” in the lapse—but manages to change the past, resetting the timeline.
Weakness: Taylor saved Sydney, but she’s lost her love interest in Riaz.

6) Transformational Structure of your story:

ACT 1

Opening:
Taylor gives the maid of honor toast at her sister Sydney’s wedding to Christopher.
We see the love between Taylor and Sydney, the friendship between Aaron and Taylor, and realize neither of them like Christopher.
But then Taylor’s world seems to get too bright and she is crippled by a terrible pain–
Taylor wakes up in the medical facility she’s been living in for a year.
We learn the wedding was just a memory or hallucination Taylor experienced during a seizure or “lapse.”
Dr. Strove explains that her lapses are getting increasingly dangerous, and that Taylor’s body is starting to fail.
But when Taylor learns that she may never get out of this medical facility, she loses all hope.

Inciting Incident:
Taylor tries to commit suicide but is saved by Dr. Strove.
When Taylor recovers enough to go back to her room, she discovers she has a new roommate: Carrie.
We find out Carrie is here as a favor to Strove.
Carrie and Taylor start to bond, despite Taylor’s resistance.
Taylor has another lapse, reliving Christopher announcing his and Sydney’s engagement.
This lapse almost kills her. Taylor is running out of time.

END OF ACT 1 Turning Point:
Strove introduces Taylor to world-renowned neurodiagnostic epileptologist, Riaz (his full name is complicated).
Taylor doesn’t want to start over with yet another doctor, but Strove tells her: If Riaz can’t find a way to help her, no one can. Strove leaves.

ACT 2

Reaction:
Carrie sees Taylor is clearly scared after this news.
Taylor is frustrated by feeling powerless in her life, so Carrie challenges her to do something about it.
Taylor has her first session with Riaz and finds him charming and disarming.
With Carrie’s encouragement, Taylor breaks out her paints and starts painting a mural on her wall.
Riaz asks Taylor about what she experiences during the lapses and Taylor shuts down and ends the session.
Taylor plays cards with Carrie in the game room—and learns the residents think of her as a rebellious hero and want her to paint the game room too.

The Plan:
Riaz changes tactics with Taylor—for their next session he cooks for her in the facility’s kitchen.
They bond over the process and Taylor opens up about the first three lapses, telling him about Sydney’s disasterous relationship with Christopher.
Riaz theorizes her lapses seem to be moments that Taylor regrets not having said or done something to protect Sydney.
They discover that each lapse takes up the same amount of time as the “memory.”
Taylor comes back, giddy from a session, and Carrie realizes she’s falling in love with Riaz. Taylor tries to deny it, but can’t.
Carrie confronts Taylor about an unfinished painting. Taylor says she’ll finish it when life gets back to normal, but Carrie urges her to live life now.
Riaz hooks Taylor up ton an EEG while she describes lapse four and five: Christopher cheating on Sydney and Sydney telling Taylor she’s pregnant.
Riaz reacts to the stories, incensed on Sydney’s behalf, and confused that Taylor never told Sydney about Christopher’s cheating.
When Riaz asks what happened to the baby, Taylor says it hadn’t been born yet, it died in the crash with Sydney—
The EEG goes nuts and Taylor can feel a lapse coming on. She instinctively takes Riaz’s hand, and somehow she prevents the lapse.
On the way back to her room, Taylor overhears Strove telling Carrie, “Keeping the truth from her isn’t protectin her, it’s protecting you.”
Carrie storms off to the game room and Taylor follows her, unsettled—
Carrie starts laughing at something one of the residents says, but then she starts coughing, and cannot stop.
Taylor panics, rushing to her side, but her fear brings on another–
LAPSE: Taylor goes back to a childhood fourth-of-july, and this time she doesn’t fall into the fire.

Midpoint:
When Taylor comes out of the lapse, she realizes her arm is no longer scarred from the burns. She’s changed her past.

ACT 3

Rethink:
Taylor tells Riaz this, but he doesn’t believe her, thinks she’s delusional from the seizure.
Riaz wants to medicate Taylor so that her emotions cannot trigger another lapse—but it would effectively turn her into a zombie.
Taylor convinces him to hold off—she managed to prevent a lapse once, maybe she can do so again.
Taylor finds Carrie in the ICU – she is dying of lung cancer. Carrie apologizes for not telling her, she thought she’d have more time.
Carrie moves back to their room—she’s determined to live her life until the end… she asks about Taylor and Riaz.
Taylor hesitates, fearing Carrie will think she’s crazy: but then she tells Carrie everything.
Carrie is skeptical at first, but Taylor convinces her. Carrie asks her what she’s going to do about this?
Taylor realizes: if she can change her own past, maybe she can change Sydney’s fate, too.
But she’s only got one more shot at this; if she lapses again, Riaz will put her on medication.

New Plan:
Taylor and Carrie try to figure out the lapses and if Taylor can control where she goes.
They discover that the episodes correspond to time of day as well as duration in the present time.
And then they realize the episodes line up perfectly in cycles of 84 days.
Carrie says it’s like a mobius strip: Every lapse takes Taylor to a date that’s a multiple of 84 days back from the present moment.
Riaz and Taylor have another session. Taylor describes the sixth lapse when she discovers Sydney and Aaron share an obvious connection.
Riaz cooks dinner for Taylor. It’s unexpectedly intimate, and Taylor realizes Riaz is falling for her, too.
Taylor goes back to her room. Carrie is gone. Taylor finds her in the ICU, her condition is worsening rapidly.
Carrie gives Taylor a letter (for later) and her pendant necklace with the motto: “keep fucking going” inside.
Taylor stays with Carrie until she dies.
Numb, Taylor returns to her room, but when she notices the unfinished painting of Carrie, she breaks and lapses–
Taylor finds herself in a café with Sydney. She freaks out, telling Sydney to leave Christopher before he destroys her life. Sydney is pissed!
Taylor wakes up on the floor of her room with Riaz working a defibrillator over her naked chest—panicking.
We find out she flatlined twice. Seeing she’s alive, Riaz gathers her in his arms, crying.
Strove sees this and pulls Riaz out of the room.

END OF ACT 2 Turning Point:
Dominique helps Taylor into her bed as Taylor hears them fighting in the hall.
Strove orders Riaz to pack his things, he wants him on the first flight back to London.
Taylor passes out.

ACT 4

New Plan:
Taylor comes to, groggy, to find Riaz reading her and Carrie’s notes.
He’d come to say goodbye, but he’s horrified that Carrie would feed into Taylor’s delusions like this.
Taylor tries to explain about the cycling over the same 84 days like a mobius strip.
Riaz says even if it were true, Taylor won’t make it to their “perfect opportunity,” she’s almost guaranteed to lapse before then, and it will kill her.
Riaz begs her to take the medication, he’s willing to give up his medical license to be with her.
They share a kiss, then Taylor says she loves him, too, which is why they can’t be together – she won’t ruin his life like that.
She feels a lapse coming on and tells him she’ll never forget him.
He realizes what she’s planning too late—she lapses.

Climax:
And finds herself walking with Aaron, on the way to pick up takeout.
Taylor can hear Riaz calling to her distantly, but she ignores him.
Taylor calls Sydney on her cell, but Sydney is still angry about what Taylor said at the café and hangs up on her.
Aaron asks what’s wrong? Taylor tells him she can see the future, and knows he’ll fall in love with her sister. When he winces, she realizes he’s already fallen in love. She urges him to tell Sydney, to speak before it’s too late.
Taylor staggers on the pavement, knows she’s dying.
She takes Aaron’s phone and dials Sydney, handing the phone back to him before passing out.

Resolution:
Taylor wakes up in a hospital, thinking she’s failed.
But then she sees Sydney and Aaron! Sydney has broken up with Christopher, and the timeline is reset.
As soon as she can, Taylor finds Carrie and convinces her to get a cancer screening, then supports Carrie through the treatment.
ONE YEAR LATER: Carrie and Taylor are now roommates, throwing a “cancer-free” party.
All their friends and family are there, and Taylor offers a toast, “To Carrie, the amazing, unstoppable force that taught me to live life now.”
Strove arrives late… with a guest: Riaz.
Riaz doesn’t remember Taylor but agrees readily when she asks him for help in the kitchen.
It’s clear there’s a spark of attraction between them, and possibly… a future.

7) How are the “Old Ways” Challenged?
A. Challenge through Questioning
Taylor hates their bland room, Carrie challenges her to do something about it. Taylor starts, then hesitates, “What if I screw it up?” Carrie says, "Don’t be an idiot. Making mistakes is part of figuring things out.” Taylor begins to reflect on the possibility that mistakes can lead to growth rather than define her.

When Taylor resists opening up, Riaz asks, “What if sharing your story made things better instead of worse?” Taylor considers this, and as she starts to open up, she realizes the power of vulnerability, and how it can foster connection.

When Taylor explains why she never told Sydney that Christopher was cheating on her, Riaz asks, "What’s worse—Sydney knowing the truth or staying with someone who’s hurting her?" This shifts Taylor’s focus from the immediate discomfort of honesty to the long-term consequences of silence.

B. Challenge by Counterexample
Taylor learns Carrie is dying from cancer and is angry that Carrie hid this from her until Riaz reminds her that she kept Christopher’s infidelity from Sydney. The reversal forces Taylor to empathize with Sydney, helping her see the selfishness of her silence.

When Carrie apologizes for not telling Taylor that she’s dying of cancer, Taylor helps Carrie forgive herself for a “hurting Taylor” by not telling her she was dying, not realizing she’s also giving herself permission to let go of her own guilt. This external interaction becomes an internal lesson.

Instead of letting the past play out as it did, Taylor jumps over the fire and avoids getting burned. Taylor realizes that she is not powerless, and that her choices do matter.

Taylor sees Carrie living a fulfilling, happy life despite her circumstances being far from perfect. Taylor realizes that waiting for “the perfect moment” isn’t necessary for a meaningful life.

C. Challenge by "Should Work, But Doesn't"
Taylor blames her medical condition for why she hasn’t finished her painting. Carrie challenges her: You’re alive now. Don’t waste the time you’ve got. Taylor begins to question whether her condition is really the thing holding her back—or if it’s her fear of failure.

Taylor is used to being able to deflect with humor, but her humor and sarcasm aren’t enough to shield her from someone like Riaz, who truly sees her and refuses to let her hide. Riaz’s patience and persistence render her usual defenses ineffective, leaving her emotionally vulnerable despite herself.

When Strove wants to medicate Taylor to prevent seizures, condemning her to a half-life, Taylor asks Riaz what she should do. He says, “I can’t tell you what to do, Taylor. This is your life. What do you think you should do?" Taylor feels lost without clear direction but begins to understand that no one else can make her decisions for her. This forces her to engage with her own agency, even if it’s uncomfortable.

D. Challenge through Living Metaphor
A Teacup With a Crack
During a session with Riaz, Taylor picks up one of Riaz’s teacups with a visible crack running through it. She makes light of the imperfection, much like she deflects her own vulnerabilities. As Riaz probes a painful memory, Taylor fiddles with the cup, avoiding his gaze. Her grip tightens as the conversation gets more uncomfortable, symbolizing the emotional pressure she’s under. Riaz says something like: "You can’t keep pretending everything’s fine, Taylor. Sooner or later, something’s going to–" She squeezes the cup too hard, and it breaks in her hand, spilling tea and cutting her palm. This action reinforces the metaphor: Taylor needs to address her emotional cracks before they lead to greater harm. The cracked cup represents Taylor’s vulnerability—her surface is intact, but the pressure she’s under is making her fragile. She doesn’t fully open up yet, but the living metaphor lingers in her mind, mirroring her own emotional state. Then, later in Act 2: As he’s leaving, Riaz gives her the teacup mended with gold (Kintsugi) – symbolizing the beauty of healing and the strength found in embracing one’s imperfections.

An Unfinished Painting
The unfinished painting becomes a physical representation of Taylor’s life “on hold.” It was the painting she was working on when she dropped out, and we find out her teacher criticized it for being too prosaic and not edgy enough. It’s a beautiful figure bathed in warm light, but the features haven’t been defined yet. Taylor avoids finishing it because she’s afraid anything she does to it will only make it worse. She pretends she can’t focus on painting until her medical condition is resolved, but that’s an excuse. The painting is physically present, taking up space in their shared room but untouched—just like Taylor’s potential. As Taylor starts to grow emotionally, she begins to rework the painting, using Carrie as her model, seated in front of the window in their room. This act becomes symbolic of her decision to stop waiting for life to align perfectly and instead embrace the messy, imperfect process. Carrie sits for Taylor as she works on the painting, offering encouragement. This could represent their growing bond and Carrie’s role in Taylor’s healing. While she’s working on the painting, Carrie has her coughing-fit and Taylor experiences a serious lapse. She recovers, but learns Carrie is dying. In a climactic moment, Taylor finishes the painting. Riaz later sees the finished painting and comments on how it feels “alive.” Taylor sees it through his eyes and starts to believe she could have a future as an artist after all.

“Dead” Plant
Taylor has kept the plant Aaron brought her in the hospital, but she’s failed to water it regularly and now it’s brown and wilted, she thinks it’s dead. When Carrie moves in, she finds it in a corner and Taylor tells her the story behind the plant, then tells her to go ahead and throw it out—Taylor’s never been good at keeping things alive, that was Sydney’s talent. Carrie waters it anyway, and over time the plant begins to recover. She points it out, “see? It wasn’t doomed, just needed a little love and attention.” Then, once Carrie is moved to ICU for her end-stage cancer treatment, Taylor takes over watering the plant and one day she discovers tiny blooms on the plant.

8) How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?
A. Action delivers insight
Action: Riaz pulls up a chair and asks, “What’s the one thing you wish someone understood about what you’re going through?” Taylor tries to brush it off with a sarcastic remark, but Riaz waits patiently. His willingness to sit with the silence forces her to respond honestly, even if reluctantly.
Insight: Vulnerability builds connection. Riaz is not here to lecture but to listen.

Action: Riaz notices the old friendship bracelet Taylor’s wearing on her burned arm. She tries to brush it off, but Riaz presses gently for the story. Taylor finds herself telling him about Sydney and her as little kids, how Sydney made the bracelet for her after she fell in the fire.
Insight: Love and loss are intertwined, but they give life meaning.

Action: Taylor complains about the room and Carrie challenges her to take action. Instead of dismissing the idea, Taylor pulls out some paint from her personal belongings. Together, Taylor and Carrie transform their room into something vibrant and personal. The process itself (sharing stories, making a mess) bonds them, and the end result makes the space feel more like home.
Insight: Taylor has the power to affect her circumstances, even if it’s in small ways.

B. Conflict delivers insight
Conflict: Taylor tells Carrie in a heated moment that she doesn’t need a new friend. Carrie responds: “Closing yourself off from other people doesn’t just protect you from grief, it deprives you of love, and love… that’s the whole ballgame, kid.”
Insight: Love gives life meaning.

Conflict: Taylor shatters the vial of medicine Riaz wants her to take to save her life but render her numb.
Insight: Taylor is ready to live her life now.

Conflict: Riaz tells Taylor he has to stop being her doctor.
Insight: Riaz is falling in love with Taylor, too.

C. Irony delivers insight
Irony: Taylor and Riaz share an intimate moment, which leads to Riaz pulling back and calling her “Ms. Donlan.”
Insight: Riaz pulls back emotionally, in an effort to curtail his own budding feelings.

Irony: Taylor hates the lapses for destroying her life, but they become the tool that makes it possible for her to save Sydney.
Insight: Sometimes the very thing we think is a curse ends up being a blessing.

Irony: Riaz identifies the medication that can save Taylor’s life, but she rejects it.
Insight: Taylor has a purpose now, and she has to see it through, even if it costs her everything.

Irony: Taylor gets the strength to face Carrie’s death from asking Carrie for advice.
Insight: It’s okay to lean on others, you don’t have to face trials alone.

9) What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?
Riaz: “When I look at you, I see the woman I’m falling in love with, not the patient I’m failing.”
Meaning: said at the height of emotion.

Riaz: “That was when I thought we had time.”
Meaning: Built over time, goes from their casual first meeting, “don’t worry, we have time,” to the excitement of their new feelings, “I’m glad we’ve got time.” To this last realization that Taylor is dying, “That was when I thought we had time…”

Taylor: “I didn’t think I had anything left to lose.”
Meaning: built over time, goes from annoyed dismissal, “it’s not like I have anything to lose,” to tentative excitement, “why not? What have I got to lose?” to this bittersweet goodbye, acknowledging that Riaz is the most important person left in her life.

Sydney: You’re gonna be okay. Taylor: I know I am.
Meaning: said at the height of emotion – Taylor has just survived an incredible ordeal that no one but her is even aware of, but now that she’s survived it, she knows she’ll be able to handle anything life throws at her from now on.

10) How Do You Leave Us With A Profound Ending?
A. Express the Profound Truth: At the end, Taylor is living her life as an active participant, having saved Sydney, Carrie, and herself. And now, free from the ethical concerns of doctor/patient, Taylor is free to form a real relationship with Riaz.

B. The Change: Taylor has grown into an active, courageous woman who risks life and love to take charge of her story. She not only saves her sister’s life, but also commits to fully engaging with her own life moving forward.

C. Payoffs: Answers to: Can Taylor save Sydney? Will Sydney and Aaron end up together? Will Carrie survive her cancer? Will Taylor embrace her life and purpose? Will Taylor and Riaz end up together?

D. Surprising, But Inevitable: All the setups—from the Mobius loop pattern to Carrie’s influence—point to Taylor going into a lapse and saving Sydney, even though it will kill her. Her final act is the ultimate expression of her journey from passivity to agency. It’s surprising, then, when instead of dying, she lives and makes the most of her life.

E. Parting Image/Line: Taylor offers a toast at Carrie’s cancer-free party, confidently addressing the crowd with humor and warmth—a far cry from her awkward maid of honor speech at the beginning. “To Carrie, the amazing, unstoppable force who taught me that, ready or not, life is happing now.” And immediately after this, Strove brings Riaz to Carrie’s party and Taylor and Riaz meet. Riaz doesn’t remember Taylor, but she still remembers him from the previous timeline… maybe says something like “You remind me of someone I used to know.” He could ask, “Uhh… like, an ex or…?” She could say something about not getting the chance to find out. They have a clear spark of a connection, then Riaz, asks, smiling: “So… what’s your story?”

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn Builds Meaning with Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is: I think this will be powerful (and I think some of these could work in the script), but I think I’ll have a better sense of the key emotional moments once the script comes together. However – once I have identified the lines I really want to resonate, I will totally use this process to refine and set them up for maximum emotional impact.

Taylor: “I didn’t think I had anything left to lose.”
Scene 1: Carrie pushing Taylor out of her comfort zone for the first time.
Carrie: “What do you have to lose?”
Taylor: (realization) “Literally nothing.”
Meaning: Despair and emptiness.

Scene 2: Early therapy session with Riaz where he finally gets her to open up (reluctantly).
Taylor: Guess it’s not like I have anything to lose, right?
Riaz: Why would you say that? (off her look) You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. You’re funny and smart and talented…
Meaning: Taylor sees herself from another’s perspective and starts questioning what she in fact does have going for her.

Scene 3: As she’s dying (going into her final lapse), she kisses Riaz and says:
Taylor: I didn’t think I had anything to lose…
Meaning: A testament to love, sacrifice, and everything she’s gained.

Taylor: "I’d rather die alive than live half-dead."
Scene 1: Carrie, frustrated with Taylor for being so self-defeating, snaps at her, prompting Taylor to respond with:
Taylor: I’m basically half-dead as it is…
Meaning: Hopless belief her life is over.

Scene 2: Carrie sees Taylor is falling in love with Riaz. She warns her to be careful, and Taylor is conflicted.
Taylor: Being around him… It’s been so long since I’ve felt alive.
Meaning: Defensive response to being told to guard her heart.

Scene 3: Refusing to take the medication that could extend her life by killing her emotions.
Taylor: I’d rather die alive than live half-dead.
Meaning: Refusal to give up, intentional courage in her final moments.

Riaz: “So, what’s your story?”
Scene 1: Riaz is trying to connect with Taylor as a patient. She’s guarded, and he tries to break the ice.
Riaz: (lightly) “So, what’s your story?”
Taylor: (dryly) “You’re the doctor. Shouldn’t you already know?”
Meaning: A playful, almost clinical question—Riaz is curious about her as a person but is keeping it professional.

Scene 2: After a near-death lapse or an emotionally charged moment, Riaz asks again, but now it carries a deeper layer of intimacy.
Riaz: (softly) “So… what’s your story?”
Taylor: (hesitates, then shrugs) “Still figuring that out.”
Meaning: The line now reflects Riaz’s genuine care and Taylor’s internal conflict as she starts to see herself as more than a victim of her circumstances.

Scene 3: Riaz realizes he cannot be her doctor—he’s too personally invested and it’s hurting her.
Taylor: “Don’t you want to know how the story ends?”
Riaz says he must leave now, or he’ll lose the strength to go.
Meaning: The line now signifies vulnerability and love. Taylor is offering her story now, but Riaz is afraid of what it means.

Scene 4: After nearly losing Taylor, Riaz returns to her and says he’d give up his medical license to be with her.
Taylor: “I thought you were leaving?”
Riaz: “I’m desperate to hear how the story ends.”
Meaning: The line becomes Riaz admitting he can’t walk away from her.

Scene 5: Context: After Taylor rewrites the past and saves Sydney, Riaz, now separated from her by time, repeats the line to himself in her absence.
Riaz: “So, what’s your story?”
Meaning: The line now reflects Riaz’s curiosity about this woman who he’s just met, but it echoes the beginning of their relationship from another timeline, and his life, even though they’re apart.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Height of the Emotion

What I learned doing this assignment is: Going through each moment like this is awesome. I workshopped multiple ways things could go and feel really good about what I landed on (knowing, of course, things always change when you get to pages). But I feel like the emotional resonance is there when I need it to be. Very excited to see this project go to script!

Most emotional moments in the script:
• The moment Riaz comes to Taylor and says he can’t be her doctor because he’s falling in love with her.
• The moment Taylor comes out of the lapse that almost kills her and Riaz is panicking—he doesn’t want to be without her.
• The moment Taylor shatters the vial of medicine, refusing treatment.
• The moment Carrie dies.
• The moment Taylor kisses Riaz then enters her final lapse.
• The moment Taylor sees that Sydney is alive (and Sydney and Aaron are together).

Riaz says he can’t be Taylor’s doctor because he’s falling in love with her.
Emotion: Heartbreak, vulnerability, and forbidden love. Riaz is torn between his professional duty and personal feelings.
Meaning: Love that must be sacrificed for a higher purpose.
New Line: Riaz: “I never should have let it get this far. But every time I look at you, instead of seeing the patient I’m failing, I see the woman I’m falling in love with.”
Taylor: So you’re giving up?
Riaz: It’s my job to stay clinical—logical, professional, focused on solving the problem. But I can’t do my job when the only thing I can think about is you. Not your case, not the neurological disruptions wreaking havoc in your head, but you. Taylor. The firey, brilliant artist, who makes me laugh out loud, who inspires me, who delights in pushing me outside my comfort zone. You.

Taylor comes out of the lapse that almost kills her, and Riaz is panicking.
Emotion: Relief, fear of losing her, and realization of how deeply he cares for her.
Meaning: Life is fragile, and love gives it urgency.
Riaz makes some display of romantic emotion, holding her hand or something, and Taylor says, what about the line, isn’t this crossing…?
New Line: “I know what I said but… that was when I thought I had time to figure this out. I was fooling myself, thinking I could keep you at a distance. When I almost lost you… I can’t imagine a world without you in it.”

Taylor shatters the vial of medicine, refusing treatment.
Emotion: Defiance, anger, and self-determination.
Meaning: Living authentically is more important than merely surviving.
Taylor: "No! I won’t give up love and grief and passion just to keep breathing a little while longer. I’d rather die alive than live half-dead."

Carrie is dying.
Emotion: Loss, guilt, and gratitude.
Meaning: Love makes us better, even when it leaves us broken.
New Line: After Carrie apologizes for causing her more pain,
Taylor says: "Don’t you dare apologize. Even knowing how little time we’d have, or how much losing you would hurt, there’s no world, no life, where I wouldn’t want you as my friend."

Taylor kisses Riaz, then enters her final lapse.
Emotion: Love, hope, and finality.
Meaning: Love gives courage, even in the face of impossible odds.
New Line:
Taylor: I wasn’t looking for love, especially not in this place, but finding you…
Riaz kisses her. They part, slightly breathless.
Taylor: I’ll never forget you. I want you to know that.
Riaz: (concerned) Are you planning on going somewhere?
Taylor: (smiling beatifically) “I am. But that means we’ll never have met.
Riaz studies her, confused. Then realization hits him. He turns to the door, alarmed—
Riaz: Nurse! Nurse!
Taylor falls back onto the bed as the lapse overtakes her. Riaz drops beside her.
Riaz: Stay with me, Taylor! Stay with me!
Taylor: I didn’t think I had anything left to lose.
She touches his face, then her hand falls—

Taylor sees that Sydney is alive (and Sydney and Aaron are together).
Emotion: Overwhelming joy, relief, and a sense of closure.
Meaning: The impossible is possible, and love can rewrite the past.
New Line: Taylor sees Sydney and they sisters embrace.
Taylor & Sydney: I thought I’d lost you!
They burst into laughter, a mixture of relief and pure joy. Sydney studies Taylor, seeing tears in her eyes.
Sydney: Oh Tay… That must have been so scary.
Taylor: You have no idea.
Taylor pulls Sydney in for another hug, crying into her shoulder now. Sydney looks surprised.
Sydney: It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.
Taylor pulls back, smiling through her tears.
Taylor: I know I am.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn Delivers Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is: This is a good way to look at all pivotal moments of the script to see if irony could heighten the moment. I think it could also be a good way to look at every scene. Not that it has to be present in every scene, but if you take the time to run every scene through this exercise, you might discover new and powerful moments you would otherwise have missed.

New Ways/Insights:
Love and Loss Are Intertwined, but They Give Life Meaning
True Love Isn’t Just About Holding On; It’s About Recognizing When Letting Go Is the Most Loving Choice
No One Can Live My Life for Me
What If Everything Happens for a Reason?
Vulnerability Builds Connection

Irony Delivers Insight:
A curse becomes a blessing
In a low moment, Taylor breaks down and calls her time-travel lapses a curse. Riaz delivers a powerful counterargument, saying, “I don’t think so. These lapses are taking you back to moments you deeply regret, moments you’ve lived over and over in your head, wondering “what if” you’d done something differently. They’re providing a roadmap to traumatic moments you need to work through.” Taylor, “what are you saying?” Riaz: “They’re not a curse. They’re a blessing. You can’t fix something unless you know where it’s broken.” Riaz means it as addressing the root of the trauma, but it becomes even truer when Taylor realizes she can use the lapses to save Sydney from dying in the first place. What Taylor believes is the source of her suffering—her lapses—becomes the tool that allows her to rewrite the past and save Sydney.
Insight: Everything happens for a reason. What feels like a curse may actually be a gift in disguise.

A rescue that becomes a rejection
After the terrifying lapse where Taylor nearly dies, Strove and Riaz insist that she must take medication to suppress her emotions in order to prevent another lapse that will most likely kill her. Taylor refuses, shattering the vial of medication. She has a purpose now, and she has to see it through, even though neither of her doctors understands.
Insight: No one can live Taylor’s life for her; she alone must take control of her fate.

Strength to face Carrie’s death comes from asking Carrie for advice.
Taylor has finally learned to let people in again, and she learns Carrie is dying. At first she’s pissed that Carrie didn’t tell her before this—but then she realizes she wouldn’t have wanted to miss out on Carrie’s friendship. She goes to see Carrie in the ICU and asks her how she survived after her husband (and best friend) died so many years ago. Carrie knows that Taylor is asking how she’s supposed to survive losing Carrie, but Carrie gives her the advice she needs to hear.
Insight: Vulnerability builds connection—Taylor discovers unexpected strength and deepens her relationships by letting people in.

A farewell that leads to a reunion
Taylor succeeds in going back in time to save Sydney from dying in the car crash. For a fleeting moment, they share a heartwarming reunion. Sydney, alive and unaware of what Taylor has sacrificed, hugs her and says something joyful like, “I knew we’d get through anything, Tay.” Taylor has saved Sydney but realizes that by altering the timeline, she will disappear or be erased from her current reality (a “death” of her own). Saving Sydney means losing herself.
Insight: Love and loss coexist—Taylor gives up her own existence because the meaning of her life is tied to saving Sydney.

An intimate moment that leads to separation.
After a serious lapse, Riaz looks almost panicked. He notes the physical toll these lapses are taking on her body, and brushes her hair back from her face. She instinctively feels comforted by his care, taking his hand. He quickly shifts gears, creating an emotional distance by calling her “Ms. Donlan.” In this moment of close physical proximity, Riaz pulls back emotionally, in an effort to curtail his own budding feelings.
Insight: Vulnerability leads to stronger connection.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn Delivers Insights Through Conflict

What I learned doing this assignment is:
• First Breakthrough: having one of my other characters telling Taylor an “uncomfortable truth,” demonstrating that being honest about painful things won’t destroy relationships; vulnerability can make connections stronger. Thinking through this exercise actually helped me refine and strengthen a character I hadn’t even known needed it.
• Second Breakthrough: the scene where Dominique gets them permission to paint a mural in the Game Room – leading to the insight that people want to be part of something amazing. It’s not something I’ve ever articulated before, but I feel it deeply.

Old Way: "I was just born unlucky." leads to Insight: “What if everything happens for a reason?”
Conflict: After Riaz and Taylor share an unexpectedly intimate moment, Taylor laments to Carrie that she’s cursed: she’s finally found her perfect match, but they cannot be together because he’s her doctor. Carrie points out that she never would have met Riaz if she hadn’t developed this condition, and while it sucks now, there could still be a future for them once she’s better and he’s no longer her doctor.
Insight Delivery: A confrontation where Carrie might snap, “Enough with the pity party. Unlucky? You’re looking at it wrong! Let’s pretend he really is your one and only soulmate. You think you’d just bump into him grocery shopping? You have this crazy condition, and Riaz is the only guy in the world that can help. Maybe this is how you were supposed to meet. You ever think about it like that?” This forces Taylor to acknowledge her agency and shift her mindset.

Old Way: "Getting close to people just invites grief." Leads to Insight: “Love and loss are intertwined, but they give life meaning”
Conflict: Carrie and Taylor become roommates and Carrie tries to engage her, but Taylor isn’t interested. Carrie gets into her stuff, and Taylor gets more and more frustrated. Finally they have a big fight. Carrie can say “You need a friend.” Taylor says “I had awesome friends, and now they’re gone, and I’m not doing it again!” Taylor is quivering with furious emotion. Carrie nods, understanding. “Ah, I see.”
Insight Delivery: Carrie could deliver a poignant line, like, “But closing yourself off from other people doesn’t just protect you from grief, it deprives you of love, and love… that’s the whole ballgame, kid.”

Old Way: “I need someone to save me.” Insight: “No one can live my life for me.”
Conflict: After Taylor barely survives a lapse during which she flatlines twice, Riaz agrees with Strove that it’s time for her to go on medication to eliminate her emotions in order to prevent another lapse. Taylor tries to reason with him but he’s insistent – he has a vial of medicine and a syringe. Taylor grabs the vial of medicine and hurls it across the room, it shatters. Riaz yells at her, frustrated, "You could’ve died, Taylor! For what? A dream you can’t even prove is real? Just take the medicine, please. It will buy us time for me to find a cure.” Taylor: “I’ve already wasted so much time dwelling on all the things I’ve done wrong. I don’t want to waste any more.” Riaz: “This will keep you alive.”
Delivering Insight: Taylor responds: "But that isn’t the same thing as living. I want to live.”

Old Way: "Telling people the uncomfortable truth will destroy our relationship." Leads to Insight: “Vulnerability builds connection.”
Conflict: Riaz is struggling with an ethical dilemma and finally breaks down, telling Taylor they need to talk. He says after careful deliberation, he needs to stop treating her because he’s falling in love with her and it’s unconscionable for him to continue acting as her doctor. Taylor pleads with him to stay, saying he’s the only one who can help her. She understands they can’t cross any lines while he’s still her doctor, but she hopes that once she’s cured, they’ll be able to pursue a real relationship. Riaz is reluctant, he can’t guarantee his feelings won’t compromise her care. Taylor says he’s literally her last hope, and if he can’t save her… she’d rather spend the last few weeks of her life with him. Taylor takes his hand. Riaz softens – he admits he was terrified to tell her the truth.
Insight Delivery: Taylor realizes that telling people an uncomfortable truth can make their relationship stronger.

Old Way: “The world is out to get me.” Leads to Insight: “People want to be part of something amazing.”
Conflict: Dominique catches Taylor and Carrie painting the mural. At first, Dominique threatens to report them. Taylor tries to handle it herself, only to fail and risk losing the mural altogether. Frustrated and defeated, she turns to Carrie to help mediate. Carrie, in turn, persuades Dominique with her charm, showing Taylor that asking for help can lead to meaningful solutions she couldn’t achieve alone.
Insight Delivery: Dominique goes out of her way to get them permission for the mural in their room… and one in the Game Room, too. When they’re done with the mural, Taylor tells Carrie she doesn’t get why Dominique did this for them. Carrie says, “People want to be part of something amazing. You just have to give them the chance.”

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn Turns Insights Into Action

What I learned doing this assignment is: This will be a great tool for seeking greater depth in scenes that don’t have it yet. I started brainstorming profound moments for some of the key character introductions, or significant events they go through, and found some new and deeper ways to construct the action.

List of New Ways/Insights
Insight: Vulnerability Can Create Connection
Insight: Vulnerability Can Be Drawn Out Through Unexpected Approaches
Insight: Not everyone will try to “fix” you, some will meet you where you are
Insight: I’m not as powerless as I thought.
Insight: Real love isn’t just about holding on; it’s about recognizing when letting go is the most loving choice.
Insight: I can’t wait for others to fix this—I must take the first step.
Insight: I can choose how this ends.
Insight: Relationships Require Effort, but it’s worth it
Insight: First Impressions Can Be Misleading
Insight: Losing someone doesn’t erase the love we shared.
Insight: Being a strong person isn’t about never feeling pain—it’s about letting yourself feel it and moving forward anyway.

Turning New Ways/Insights into Action

Insight: Vulnerability Can Create Connection

Action: Carrie, despite her rough exterior, makes the first move to connect. She shares a raw personal story, perhaps about her own near-death experience or a loss she’s suffered. This is not framed as oversharing but as a direct response to Taylor’s attempts to emotionally wall herself off. Taylor doesn’t respond immediately but is visibly taken aback. Later, when Carrie isn’t around, Taylor notices a photo or object related to Carrie’s story, making her see Carrie in a new light. Taylor sees how Carrie’s willingness to be vulnerable builds trust between them. Inspired by Carrie’s action, Taylor finally opens up about her guilt over Sydney, letting herself cry in front of someone for the first time.

Insight: Vulnerability Can Be Drawn Out Through Unexpected Approaches

Action: Riaz doesn’t start with the usual “tell me about your symptoms.” Instead, he pulls up a chair and asks a surprising question, like, “What’s the one thing you wish someone understood about what you’re going through?” Taylor, initially skeptical, tries to brush it off with a sarcastic remark, but Riaz waits patiently. His willingness to sit with the silence forces her to respond honestly, even if reluctantly. This small action shifts the power dynamic, showing that he’s not here to lecture but to listen.

Insight: Not Everyone Will Try to “Fix” You—Some Will Meet You Where You Are

Action: Taylor starts by listing the same complaints she’s told every other doctor, expecting Riaz to respond clinically. Instead, he surprises her by saying something empathetic yet practical, like, “That sounds exhausting. What would make it easier for you right now?” The question catches her off guard because it’s focused on her experience, not just the symptoms. This approach disarms her, and for the first time, she hesitates, realizing he’s not here to impose solutions but to understand her.

Insight: I’m not as powerless as I thought.

Action: Taylor complains about the dull decor, and Carrie challenges her to take action. Instead of dismissing the idea, Taylor surprises herself by persuading an orderly or staff member to smuggle in paint or other decorating supplies. Together, Taylor and Carrie transform their room into something vibrant and personal. The process itself (sharing stories, making a mess) bonds them, and the end result makes the space feel more like home. The act of physically changing her environment mirrors Taylor’s growing realization that she has the power to affect her circumstances, even if it’s in small ways. The collaboration with Carrie strengthens their connection and gives Taylor a sense of agency.

Insight: True love isn’t just about holding on; it’s about recognizing when letting go is the most loving choice.

Action: Taylor and Riaz share a deeply vulnerable moment, maybe after Taylor has a breakthrough with her condition or an intense lapse that Riaz helps her recover from. In the aftermath, their emotional connection is undeniable, and they almost cross the line—a lingering hand touch, a near-kiss. Riaz stops himself and retreats. Later Taylor asks if they can have an honest conversation: After a shared moment of tension, Taylor looks at Riaz and says, “If we met anywhere else, at any other time, this would be different, wouldn’t it?” He nods but doesn’t speak. His silence says everything. Taylor finishes for him, “But we didn’t. And we can’t pretend that doesn’t matter.”

Insight: I can’t wait for others to fix this—I have to take the first step.

Action: Taylor finds a janitor’s closet full of broken furniture and lamps and things – she asks why they’re sitting there, Dominique says they havn’t got the time or money to fix them. Taylor is frustrated – she overhears an older gentleman patient talking about being an electrical engineer. She asks him to fix the broken things (lamps, chairs, etc) in the facility. The fixed objects becomes a source of pride for the man, and other people come to him to fix things of theirs. Fixing something symbolizes the belief that we can repair our own lives, even in small ways.

Insight: I can choose how this ends.

Action: Taylor must choose between two outcomes: One option saves Sydney, but at the cost of Taylor’s life; the other allows Taylor to survive but she will always know she could have done something to save Sydney. Taylor’s choice demonstrates her ultimate control over the story, as she stops being reactive and instead becomes the architect of her own destiny. Taylor delivers a speech (perhaps the toast scene we’ve discussed), recounting her journey from powerlessness to agency. The speech itself isn’t just about what happened but how she’s rewritten her relationship with herself. Her confidence radiates her transformation.

Insight: Relationships Require Effort, but it’s worth it

Action: Carrie sets boundaries right away, rearranging the room. Taylor’s initial reaction is annoyance, but she doesn’t push back. Carrie notices a habit of Taylor’s that signals her emotional isolation (retreating into books). Without calling it out directly, Carrie does something bold or unexpected, like purposely pulling the bookmark out so Taylor loses her place. When Taylor snaps or reacts, Carrie responds lightly, showing she’s unbothered by Taylor’s anger: “Good! You’ve got some fire in you after all.” This shifts Taylor’s perception of their dynamic, making her feel less fragile and more capable of connecting.

Insight: First Impressions Can Be Misleading

Action: Taylor hears footsteps and, assuming it’s Carrie, launches into a complaint or sarcastic remark without looking up. When Riaz answers with calm professionalism, she’s caught off guard and looks up to find him observing her with a mix of curiosity and empathy. She immediately sizes him up, expecting him to be just like the other doctors, and makes a cutting comment about how none of the others have been able to figure her out. Instead of reacting defensively, Riaz surprises her with a disarming response like, “Good thing I like puzzles.” This subtly shows he’s not intimidated by her resistance.

Insight: Losing someone doesn’t erase the love we shared.

Action: The man who fixes the lamps and is a hero dies one night in his sleep. The group comes together to remember him, and though Taylor is afraid of going, expecting it to be full of grief, she shows up and finds people laughing, sharing stories of how this man brightened their lives. Someone could see her confusion and tell her that losing someone doesn’t erase the good times you shared with them.

Insight: Being a strong person isn’t about never feeling pain—it’s about letting yourself feel it and moving forward anyway.

Action: During a session, Taylor becomes visibly frustrated with her own progress—saying something like, “Why does it still hurt? Shouldn’t I be over this by now?” Riaz gently pushes her to stop fighting the pain and accept it. “This is part of you now. Feeling it doesn’t make you weak—it proves you’re alive.” Taylor realizes strength isn’t about avoiding the pain—it’s about feeling the pain and not letting it cripple you.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Seabiscuit Analysis

What I learned doing this assignment is: This was my first time seeing the movie. I was surprised at the time spent introducing everyone, but even before it became clear that the three men would be united, I found myself wanting them to be together. The relationship between Red and George surprised me as well – they had a friendship that survived Red’s accident: he graciously insisted George ride in his place, then experienced jealousy and feeling betrayed when it looked like he’d never ride again, but pushed through that to get back on the horse (sorry) and then George roots for him in the end. Quite beautiful.

List the Profound Moments, then tell briefly what made them profound for you.

* The son’s toy as visual metaphor, both keeping the memory of his son alive for us, but also when the wife says “I can never keep the ball in the hole” (or similar) – I took from this both that you can’t stop things from changing, and that you have to let things go. Profound for me because I have two sons myself, and as a parent it’s difficult but necessary to let them go their own way as they grow up. You protect them as long as you can, but then you have to give them freedom.

* Multiple similarities between Seabiscuit and Red, from them both being fighters, to them both being underdogs (small horse, big jocky) to their injuries (you don’t throw a life away because it’s banged up) to their recoveries. Profound for me because when they win the race at the end, it shows the power of never giving up.

* The barn as visual metaphor: first it houses his prized cars, then after his son dies in a car accident, he locks that part of his life away. Then he opens the barn back up to house Seabiscuit … so that his new life and his new adopted son can thrive. Profound for me because it shows that life can survive grief.

* The gentleness of the trainer who is so good fixing horses, who gets furious when he learns Red is blind in one eye, and hears his own words given back to him about not throwing away a life because it’s a bit banged up. Profound for me because the trainer, who bonds so naturally with horses, seems reluctant to let himself love people in the same way, but this seems to shift something in him.

* Red’s relationship to George, they are competitors but also friends. It’s a strong, healthy relationship that weathers the grief and jealousy after Red’s accident, and then the acknowledgement at the end when George tells Red to enjoy the ride, knowing he’s going to win – it feels great that there is no resentment there, and that George is genuinely rooting for his friend and Seabiscuit.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Living Metaphors

What I learned doing this assignment is: Finding the right living metaphor is hard but worth it. (I only really like one of my metaphors, the teacup, but the painting could work in a pinch). It will take some time to mull over other options, but having this framework in my brain should help me spot them when the opportunity arises. It’s also helping me see how Carrie and Riaz each push Taylor in different ways.

1) Old Way: "Vulnerability is weakness."

Taylor believes that by deflecting with humor or sarcasm, she can protect herself from emotional discomfort and avoid opening up about her fears or pain.

“Should Work, But Doesn’t” Challenge: Taylor deflects with humor to avoid exposing her fears.
Taylor feels cornered by Riaz when he starts probing about the content of her lapses. She tries to regain control of the conversation with humor and sharp wit, her usual defense mechanisms that typically work. Riaz smiles at her jokes, but says: “That doesn’t answer my question. I’m asking because I care. I believe these lapses might be your body’s way of processing unresolved trauma. Perhaps it would help if you let someone in." Taylor tries to deflect again, making a joke about him getting a psychiatry degree when she wasn’t looking. Riaz responds saying, "I’m not your therapist, Taylor. I’m someone who’s trying to help you heal.” For the first time, Taylor’s usual tactics fail. Riaz’s calm persistence leaves her without an easy way out. She doesn’t respond immediately, visibly conflicted. Taylor doesn’t open up fully yet, but this interaction plants a seed. She’s forced to acknowledge that her humor and sarcasm aren’t enough to shield her anymore—not with someone like Riaz, who truly sees her and refuses to let her hide. Riaz’s patience and persistence render her usual defenses ineffective, leaving her emotionally vulnerable despite herself.

Living Metaphor: A Teacup With a Crack
On the surface, the cup looks fine, but the crack signifies the stress it’s under—just like Taylor, who is holding herself together but is emotionally fractured beneath her humor. During one session with Riaz, Taylor casually picks up one of his teacups with a visible crack running through it. She makes light of the imperfection, much like she deflects her own vulnerabilities. As Riaz probes a painful memory, Taylor fiddles with the cup, avoiding his gaze. Her grip tightens as the conversation gets more uncomfortable, symbolizing the emotional pressure she’s under. Riaz says something like: "You can’t keep pretending everything’s fine, Taylor. Sooner or later, something’s going to–" She squeezes the cup too hard, and it breaks in her hand, spilling tea and cutting her palm. This action reinforces the metaphor: Taylor needs to address her emotional cracks before they lead to greater harm. The cracked cup represents Taylor’s vulnerability—her surface is intact, but the pressure she’s under is making her fragile. She doesn’t fully open up yet, but the living metaphor lingers in her mind, mirroring her own emotional state. Then, later in Act 2: As he’s leaving, Riaz gives her the teacup mended with gold (Kintsugi) – symbolizing the beauty of healing and the strength found in embracing one’s imperfections.

2) Old Way: “I’ll finish this painting (move on with my life) once I’m cured.”

"Should Work, But Doesn’t" Challenge: Taylor plays the victim card.
Carrie finds a box of sketchbooks and paintings under Taylor’s bed. It turns out Taylor was an art major in school, but dropped out when she decided that she could never make a living as an artist. Secretly she’s afraid that she’s not good enough, or no one will want what she has to offer, so she’s using this as her most recent excuse to avoid trying. Taylor uses her medical condition as the ultimate barrier to pursuing her goals. She explains she’ll move on with her life once she’s got the medical condition solved, expecting Carrie to agree that it’s too difficult to focus on anything else. Carrie sees through this and challenges her directly: We none of us know how long we’re going to be here. You’re alive now. Don’t waste the time you’ve got. Taylor doesn’t pick up the brush yet, but the interaction plants doubt about her Old Way. For the first time, she begins to question whether her condition is really the thing holding her back—or if it’s her fear of failure.

Living Metaphor: The Unfinished Painting
The unfinished painting becomes a physical representation of Taylor’s life “on hold.” It was the painting she was working on when she dropped out, and we find out her teacher criticized it for being too prosaic and not edgy enough. It’s a beautiful figure bathed in warm light, but the features haven’t been defined yet. Taylor avoids finishing it because she’s afraid anything she does to it will only make it worse. She pretends she can’t focus on painting until her medical condition is resolved, but that’s an excuse. The painting is physically present, taking up space in their shared room but untouched—just like Taylor’s potential. As Taylor starts to grow emotionally, she begins to rework the painting, using Carrie as her model, seated in front of the window in the game room. This act becomes symbolic of her decision to stop waiting for life to align perfectly and instead embrace the messy, imperfect process. Carrie sits for Taylor as she works on the painting, offering encouragement. This could represent their growing bond and Carrie’s role in Taylor’s healing. While she’s working on the painting, Carrie has her coughing-fit and Taylor experiences a serious lapse. She recovers, but learns Carrie is dying. In a climactic moment, Taylor finishes the painting. Riaz later sees the finished painting and comments on how it feels “alive.” Taylor sees it through his eyes and starts to believe she could have a future as an artist after all.

3) Old Way: "Telling Sydney the truth will damage our relationship."

"Should Work, But Doesn’t" Challenge:
After Taylor tells Riaz about Christopher’s cheating on Sydney, he asks why she didn’t tell Sydney when she had the chance. Taylor says she feared it would break Sydney’s heart and she was so happy about the baby, Taylor didn’t want to take that away from her. Riaz asks if it was really about Sydney, or if it was because Taylor was afraid of how Sydney would react to her if she said something. Taylor says, Of course it’s about her! You think I like watching her with that jerk? I just… I don’t want her to hate me. Riaz doesn’t respond, but Taylor can tell he wants to say something. She pushes him until he explains: Taylor didn’t tell Sydney because she was afraid Sydney would hate her, but what ended up happening was Sydney hating herself for not seeing the truth sooner. Staying silent ended up hurting Sydney more than telling her the truth up front would have done. Riaz’s words leave a lingering impact. Taylor begins to see that her fear of damaging their relationship is rooted in her own discomfort, not Sydney’s well-being.

Alternate "Should Work, But Doesn’t" Challenge: Carrie Turns the Tables
Taylor learns Carrie is dying from cancer. At first, Taylor is pissed off that Carrie hid this from her. Riaz reminds her it’s not unlike how she kept Christopher’s infidelity from Sydney. Taylor rejects this – they’re nothing alike. I didn’t tell Sydney because I wanted to protect her! Riaz can point out that Carrie wanted to protect her from the painful truth, too. Taylor can say something like, “I’m not a child! I can handle the truth…” Taylor hears herself and stops, realizing now what hiding the truth cost Sydney. The reversal forces Taylor to empathize with Sydney, helping her see the selfishness of her silence.

Living Metaphor: The Broken Compass
A kid visiting his grandmother leaves behind a broken compass. Taylor finds it, meaning to return it—but then notices it’s broken: the needle is stuck. Carrie tells her to toss it, a compass is useless if it doesn’t point true north. It’ll send you in the wrong direction every time. Later, as Taylor reflects on her silence about Christopher, she picks up the compass again, and realizes that her silence is like the broken compass—Sydney relied on her, but her silence led Sydney further away from the truth.

4) Old Way: “I need someone else to fix or save me.”

"Should Work, But Doesn’t" Challenge: Asking someone else to decide.
When Taylor learns that her condition is getting dire, Strove presents a solution: take a medication that would zero out her emotions, with the hope that this would prevent her brain from triggering another lapse. Taylor is truly struggling to figure out what to do, take the medication and live as a zombie, or don’t take the medication and possibly die. She asks Riaz what she should do. He says, “I can’t tell you what to do, Taylor. This is your life. What do you think you should do?" Taylor feels lost without clear direction but begins to understand that no one else can make her decisions for her. This forces her to engage with her own agency, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Alternate "Should Work, But Doesn’t" Challenge: Pressuring someone else to bite the bullet for you.
Taylor is out with Aaron, Sydney, and Christopher – she’s told Aaron to watch for when Christopher does something awful and call him out, thinking Sydney will hear it differently than if Taylor does it. But when Christopher grabs Sydney’s face and turns it toward him, Aaron is trying to flag down the waiter and doesn’t see. Taylor doesn’t say anything, and the moment passes. Taylor realizes she lost the chance because she didn’t take action herself. This failure stings, driving home the idea that relying on others to lead leaves her powerless. Taylor begins to understand that she has to take initiative if she wants change.

Living Metaphor: Unattended nest
Walking in the garden, Taylor notices a pair of mourning doves building a nest in a stupid place. She tells Riaz and he says he’ll make sure the landscapers know. He moves off to tell the landscapers but gets caught by another doctor who engages him in conversation. The gardener is hedging the bushes, moving closer to the nest. He startles the birds away and Taylor sees three little eggs in the nest. Taylor glances back at Riaz, who’s still stuck dealing with the conversation. As the gardener gets close to the nest, Taylor jumps to stop him and saves the nest.

5) Old Way: “People like me are inherently unlucky or doomed.”

"Should Work, But Doesn’t" Challenge:
Something unexpectedly good happens, but instead of embracing the moment, Taylor dismisses it as a fluke: "That’s just one lucky break. It doesn’t mean anything." Carrie pushes back, saying: "Why is it so hard for you to believe something good can happen to you?" Taylor starts to see how deeply entrenched her belief in bad luck is—and how it blinds her to positive experiences.

Living Metaphors: “Dead” Plant
Taylor has kept the plant Aaron brought her in the hospital, but she’s failed to water it regularly and now it’s brown and wilted, she thinks it’s dead. When Carrie moves in, she finds it in a corner and Taylor tells her the story behind the plant, then tells her to go ahead and throw it out—Taylor’s never been good at keeping things alive, that was Sydney’s talent. Carrie waters it anyway, and over time the plant begins to recover. She points it out, “see? It wasn’t doomed, just needed a little love and attention.” Then, once Carrie is moved to ICU for her end-stage cancer treatment, Taylor takes over watering the plant and one day she discovers tiny blooms on the plant.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Counterexamples

What I learned doing this assignment is: I completely missed the fact that I never show the defining moment of Taylor’s life in the story, they just talk about it but we never relive it. I found a way to challenge the old idea that “telling Sydney the truth will damage Taylor and Sydney’s relationship” by having them fight about the thing Taylor kept from her in the car leading up to the accident.

Old Way: "Telling Sydney the truth will hurt her and damage our relationship."

Question Challenge: Riaz asks Taylor, "Was Sydney not strong enough to handle the truth?"
Impact: This forces Taylor to confront her assumption that Sydney is too fragile to hear something difficult.

Question Challenge: Riaz asks, "What’s worse—Sydney knowing the truth or staying with someone who’s hurting her?"
Impact: This shifts Taylor’s focus from the immediate discomfort of honesty to the long-term consequences of silence.

Question Challenge: Riaz says, "If Sydney can’t handle you being honest, is your relationship as close as you think?"
Impact: Taylor begins to consider whether withholding the truth is actually undermining the trust in their relationship.

Question Challenge: Carrie asks, "Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you the truth if it were the other way around?"
Impact: This turns the situation back on Taylor, making her empathize with Sydney’s potential desire for honesty.

Counterexample: Taylor admits to Sydney that she made a minor mistake (accidentally spilling a secret of Sydney’s). Sydney responds with understanding and warmth.
Impact: This shows Taylor that honesty doesn’t always lead to conflict.

Counterexample: Carrie tells a mutual friend a difficult truth, and though it initially causes tension, it ultimately strengthens their relationship.
Impact: Taylor sees that honesty, even when painful, can deepen bonds rather than destroy them.

Counterexample: Sydney discovers Christopher cheating which is awful, but learning Taylor knew about it devastates her. She tells Taylor, "I’d rather someone hurt me with the truth than comfort me with a lie."
Impact: Taylor realizes that dishonesty, even by omission, is far more damaging than telling the truth.

Old Way: "People like Taylor are inherently unlucky or doomed.”

Question Challenge: Carrie asks, "Is it really bad luck, or are you only focusing on the things that go wrong?"
Impact: Taylor reflects on how her mindset might be shaping her belief in being unlucky.

Question Challenge: Carrie, referencing Taylor surviving the crash, says, "Do you really think someone doomed would have made it through that?"
Impact: This challenges Taylor’s belief that she’s inherently cursed.

Question Challenge: Carrie remarks, "Sounds like Christopher’s the kind of guy who likes other people insecure."
Impact: Taylor starts to see how toxic people like Christopher may reinforce her belief in bad luck.

Counterexample: Taylor makes a change during a time jump and saves herself from terrible burns.
Impact: She begins to see how her actions, not fate, influence outcomes.

Counterexample: Taylor learns Riaz overcame immense hardship through persistence and determination rather than attributing their success to luck.
Impact: This demonstrates to Taylor that effort, not luck, is what matters.

Counterexample: Taylor takes a chance on something (e.g., applying a lesson from Carrie in a difficult moment) and it unexpectedly works out.
Impact: This contradicts her belief in being doomed.

Counterexample: Sydney faces a setback but remains hopeful and proactive, contrasting sharply with Taylor’s defeatist attitude.
Impact: Taylor begins to question why she views herself differently from Sydney.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Old Ways / Challenge Chart

What I learned doing this assignment is: This is going to be transformative for my writing. It’s helping me find and elevate these moments that already exist and giving me ideas for emotionally powerful moments that should be added. I definitely think this will help craft a solid, emotionally rewarding character arc.

Using the “Old Ways / Challenge Chart” make a list of Old Ways for your story — habits, assumptions, filters of perception, beliefs, social values, rules, etc. for your story.

1. Old Way: I am powerless to change my life or fate.
Challenges:
• Taylor believes she can’t change the memories, but then she yells at Sydney—which she didn’t do in the past—and when she returns to the past she finds an unexpected ripple effect that makes things worse (Sydney won’t talk to her), forcing her to rethink the scope of her power.
• Carrie casually demonstrates how a small act (helping a stranger) creates immediate, tangible results, contrasting Taylor’s inaction with Carrie’s proactive approach.
• Taylor hesitates to act during a pivotal time-jump moment, leading to a tragic result. She realizes her inaction was as impactful as action.

2. Old Way: Mistakes define me; there’s no coming back from them.
Challenges:
• Flashback to Success: During a time jump, Taylor revisits a moment where she made a seemingly small choice that had a hugely positive impact. She sees that even her imperfect decisions can lead to good outcomes.
• Sydney’s Reassurance: In a memory, Sydney reassures Taylor after a failure, saying, “You’ll always have the chance to make things right if you’re willing to try,” planting seeds of hope.
• A Mistake Creates an Opening: Taylor’s attempt to change an outcome backfires but sets off an unexpected chain reaction that gives her a second chance to get it right.

3. Old Way: I need someone else to fix or save me.
Challenges:
• Riaz asks Taylor what she thinks is going on. She’s dumbfounded – you’r ethe expert. He shrugs… sometimes we have intuitions… what does your gut say? Taylor thinks it through and finally identifies that the lapses all take her back to moments she wishes she’d done something differently. Taylor’s insight leads to progress.
• Carrie’s fiercely independent actions contrast with Taylor’s dependence, prompting Taylor to feel inadequate but also inspired. (“You’re the only one holding yourself back.”)
• During a critical moment, Taylor is entirely alone (no Riaz, no Carrie), and she must solve a problem on her own—proving to herself she has the strength. (She forces herself into another lapse, back to the hospital for life-saving treatment, giving Riaz time to find her).

4. Old Way: Time is the enemy; it only takes things away.
Challenges:
• Time as a Gift: Taylor jumps to a cherished moment with Sydney and is struck by the realization that even fleeting time together can be precious, reframing her view.
• Learning from Loops: After revisiting the same event repeatedly, Taylor starts to understand how each repetition gives her a chance to refine her actions and intentions.
• Witnessing Cyclical Growth: In the present, Taylor observes someone else (a stranger or Riaz) making steady progress despite setbacks, illustrating time’s role in healing and development.

5. Old Way: Only big, dramatic actions matter.
Challenges:
• Carrie’s Small Acts: Taylor sees how Carrie’s subtle, everyday kindnesses (e.g., bringing coffee to a tired nurse, fixing a broken chair) leave lasting impressions on others.
• Minor Change, Major Impact: Taylor changes something small in a past event (e.g., convincing Sydney to wear a seatbelt), which creates a larger positive outcome than she anticipated.
• Self-Realization: Taylor has a breakthrough where she acknowledges that the buildup of tiny, consistent choices in her own life could lead to monumental personal growth.

6. Old Way: Grief is something to endure, not work through.
Challenges:
• Carrie opens up about losing her husband, framing grief as a transformative process, not just something to survive.
• Riaz avoids opening up about his own pain, which mirrors Taylor’s struggles, making her reflect on her own resistance to processing grief.
• In a memory with Sydney, Taylor relives a moment of love and laughter, breaking through her emotional wall and beginning to experience healing.

7. Old Way: I am not worth saving.
Challenges:
• Carrie defends Taylor in front of someone doubting her abilities, showing Taylor that others see her value (external validation).
• A time jump reveals a moment when Sydney sacrificed for Taylor, highlighting how much Taylor is loved and worth the effort.
• Taylor risks herself in a pivotal moment, succeeding and realizing her own life has inherent worth through her actions (Sydney – “I don’t know what I would do without you…” something Taylor never even considered until this moment).

8. Old Way: Love is about sacrifice, even to my detriment.
Challenges:
• Carrie shows Taylor a healthy dynamic in which mutual respect and boundaries are central to love.
• Riaz refuses to let Taylor harm herself out of misplaced love or guilt, forcing her to reevaluate what love truly means.
• Taylor chooses to let go of Riaz, the man she loves, in a way that’s empowering rather than self-sacrificial, reframing love as mutual growth.

9. Old Way: People like me are inherently unlucky or doomed.
Challenges to the old way:
• Riaz (unaware of her conversation with Carrie about luck) points out how many variables (health, decisions, environment) led to Taylor’s survival in the crash. He emphasizes that "doom" isn’t written in the stars—it’s a narrative she’s telling herself. This logical approach forces Taylor to step back and reconsider the story she’s built around her life and survival.
• Taylor jumps over the fire during a time jump and saves herself from the terrible burn she got in childhood. She realizes her actions create the “luck” in that moment. This shows her that “luck” can be created rather than inherited or assigned.
• Carrie calls her out – bluntly tells Taylor, “That’s just an excuse you’ve made up so you don’t have to try. Luck isn’t real. You either show up or you don’t.” Though harsh, this tough-love approach resonates with Taylor and plants a seed of doubt about her victim mentality.

10. Old Way: Telling Sydney the truth would hurt our relationship.
Challenges to the old way:
• Someone else tells Sydney something brutally honest—maybe a professional critique, a mistake she made, or a tough observation about her relationship with Christopher. Instead of falling apart, Sydney handles it with unexpected strength and gratitude for the honesty—and Taylor realizes Sydney may be stronger and more open to difficult truths than she assumed.
• Taylor withholds the truth in a minor situation (e.g., letting Sydney believe something small that’s untrue, like that someone admires her work when they don’t). When Sydney later finds out, she’s more hurt by the deception than the truth itself. Taylor sees that hiding the truth can lead to even more pain and disappointment than being upfront.
• Taylor experiences this with Carrie—Carrie doesn’t tell her she’s dying of cancer, and Taylor is devastated that she kept this truth from her. This mirrors her own reluctance and makes her realize that silence can be just as damaging as a harsh truth. Maybe Taylor overhears Strove talking with Carrie, “Protecting her from the truth isn’t protecting her—it’s protecting you. If you really love her, you’ll trust her enough to tell her.”
• In a lapse, Taylor has the chance to correct a moment where she withheld the truth from Sydney –she tells her that Christopher is a no-good asshole… and though Sydney is upset, Taylor learns (in a later lapse) that Sydney took the words to heart and realized Taylor was on to something. Taylor realizes that avoiding the truth is a pattern she’s been repeating, and she has the power to change it.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s 12 Angry Men Analysis

What I learned doing this assignment is: I appreciate the practice of thinking about what would constitute “old ways” then finding specific examples of the old ways, then laying out challenges to each specific example. I think this makes it very clear how to construct this into a script as you’re writing it. I hadn’t seen this movie in a long time, but appreciated watching it again through this lense.

12 ANGRY MEN “Old Ways” and “Challenges presented to those Old Ways”:

Old way: Assumption of guilt
– the boy bought the knife that the shop owner claims was one of a kind
– man heard boy say “I’ll kill you.”
Challenges to assumption of guilt:
– a juror buys the same knife just blocks away – it’s not unique after all.
– just saying “I’ll kill you” doesn’t make you a murderer, even a juror says it in a fit of rage

Old Way: Just want this over.
– One man has baseball tickets
– One man thinks this is a waste of time (you know how they are)
Challenges to “just want this over”:
– “You don’t care what happens to this boy because you have baseball tickets burning a hole in your pocket”
– jurors confront one man who wants the boy to die- you’re a sadist.
– it’s our responsibility in a democracy to think this through carefully

Old way: Assuming the evidence is not questionable:
– one-of-a-kind knife
– stab wounds in father’s chest
Challenges to “assuming evidence is not questionable:”
– juror finds a duplicate of the “one-of-a-kind knife” which another juror later mistakes for the actual knife
– someone who knows how to use switchblade wouldn’t have attacked by stabbing down

Old ways: Prejudice
– “they are born liars”
– “slums turn them into criminals”
Challenges to prejudice:
– One of the Jurors has lived in slums all his life – he pushes back against the racist who backs down (you seem okay)

Old way: Assuming witnesses are credible:
– old woman saw the murder
– old man heard shouts / body drop / ran to see son escaping
Challenges to assuming witnesses are credible:
– old woman needs glasses to see but claims she saw the murder through a moving train while trying to sleep.
– old man couldn’t have gotten to the door fast enough to see killer escaping
– people couldn’t have heard murder b/c the train was passing at that time

Old ways: Assuming the Defense did its job
– assuming that if the defense didn’t bring something up, it’s becaues it would hurt his case.
Challenges to assuming the defense did its job:
– Defense didn’t cross examine witnesses strongly or thoroughly.
– Defense was assigned to this case, could feel resentment or irritation b/c it’s not sexy or “winnable”
– Defense didn’t ask any of the questions that come up in the jury room… and they were only there for a few hours.

Old ways: Assuming the case is completely logical
– believing the prosecution b/c the defense didn’t mount a strong case
Challenges to assuming the case is completely logical
– why would by return to the scene of the crime?
– why would boy wipe finger prints off the knife then leave it behind?

Old way: Assuming the boy is guilty:
– He shouted at his father
– Couldn’t remember details about the movies he saw
– bought a similar knife
Challenges to assuming the boy is guilty:
– people shout, even one of the jurors said “I’ll kill you!” in a fit of rage, doesn’t mean he wants to murder
– Boy has been hit all his life, not enough to assume this is what made him snap.
– he was questioned about the movies in view of his dead father’s body, emotional stress
– just because he bought a similar knife doesn’t mean his was the one used in the killing, or that he used it

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Connection with Audience

What I learned doing this assignment is:
I had a major breakthrough: I’m going to have Carrie assigned as Taylor’s new roommate (and at first we don’t know that Carrie was asked to be here by Dr. Strove) – harder to escape your roommate if you have a fight, and you can use the room as a metaphor for living life where you are (decorating the room to make the space your own, etc…). It’s also helping me reframe their relationship – rather than meeting up in the game room, they’re living together now… and it makes more sense that Taylor would seek her out as a roommate at the end.

Tell us which characters you are going to INTENTIONALLY create a connection with the audience.
Taylor (Transformational Character) and Carrie (Change Agent)

With each character, tell us how you’ll use each of the four ways of connecting with the audience in the first 30 minutes of the movie.

TAYLOR

A. Relatability
She’s introverted but must give a speech in front of a large group at her sister’s wedding.
She loves her sister but hates her sister’s new husband – must play nice even though he’s a dick.
In hospital, doesn’t like being pushed around by the system but must deal with it.
Gets moved into a “roomie” situation but is in no mood to be social.

B. Intrigue
What is Taylor’s mysterious disorder?

C. Empathy
We learn that Taylor’s sister – who was also her best friend – has died.
Taylor’s been patient hoping for answers, then learns she may never get out of the hospital.
In a moment of despair, Taylor tries to kill herself.
Taylor has a fear of needles but needs regular tests.

D. Likability
Even though she’s scared of public speaking, Taylor does a great job and the crowd loves it.
Sydney loves her deeply; their connection is real and powerful.
Taylor is funny, has a dark sense of humor she can’t turn off.
Taylor starts to bond with Carrie, becoming a genuine friend.

CARRIE

A. Relatability
Carrie is appalled at the institutional blandness of the hospital room.
Carrie is impatient with Taylor’s sullenness.

B. Intrigue
What’s going on with Carrie?
Why is she here? Doesn’t suffer seizures like the other patients… she’s very private, won’t say.
What’s her relationship with Dr. Strove?

C. Empathy
We learn Carrie couldn’t have kids of her own, and her husband died quite young.
She’s lived a fascinating life, and made many friends along the way, but doesn’t want them seeing her like this.

D. Likability
The staff seem to love Carrie.
Carrie teaches Taylor gin rummy.
Carrie is endearing by being unfiltered, perceptive, funny, compassionate.
Carrie starts decorating their room, bringing personality into the space – and gets Taylor involved (life happens wherever you are).

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is:
It’s a lot of moving parts, but it’s starting to come together. I know it will need refinement from here, but I think this is a solid start for the story I want to tell. Going back to double check on the emotional gradients helped, and I think the events are ramping up in intensity. It’s not as obvious as a Godfather-type movie with guns and death, but I think the stakes are significant nonetheless. Eager to see where we go from here!

Transformational Logline:
After surviving the car crash that kills her sister, a college-dropout suffers life-threatening seizures during which she relives past memories. She starts to fall for the handsome neuroscientist racing to cure her, but when she realizes she has the power to rewrite history within these episodes, she risks everything to change her sister’s fate.

The main character:
Taylor Donlan, the Transformational Character

Taylor’s Old Ways:
– Self-defeating
– Sarcastic
– Doesn't see the point in trying
– Believes she suffers unique and unfair misfortune
– Isolates herself from others

Taylor’s New Ways:
– Empowered
– Embraces others
– Able to form genuine friendships
– Values what she once took for granted
– Loves her life

Internal Journey:
From victim to savior.

4-Act structure:

ACT 1

Opening:
Taylor gives the maid of honor speech at Sydney’s wedding to Christopher.
We see the love between Taylor and Sydney, the friendship between Aaron and Taylor, and realize neither of them like Christopher.
But then Taylor’s world seems to get too bright and she is crippled by a terrible pain–
Taylor wakes up in the medical facility she’s been living in for a year.
We learn the wedding was just a memory or hallucination Taylor experienced during a seizure or “lapse.”
Dr. Strove explains that her lapses are getting increasingly dangerous, and that Taylor’s body is starting to fail.
But when Taylor learns that she may never get out of this medical facility, she loses all hope.

Inciting Incident:
Taylor tries to commit suicide but is saved by Dr. Strove.
Recovering from the attempt, but still deeply depressed, Taylor meets Carrie, an old woman with a lust for life.
They slowly warm to each other, and Carrie pushes Taylor to engage with her life.
Taylor can’t help but like Carrie’s acidic sense of humor and starts to open up a little.
Dr. Strove introduces Taylor to world-renowned brain-specialist Riaz who believes he can help her.
Riaz is a kind—and handsome—neuroscientist who specializes in challenging cases.
While Taylor is skeptical that one more doctor will help, Carrie urges her to enjoy the “scenery” if nothing else.
Taylor reluctantly agrees to give it a try, and to her surprise, finds she loves spending time with Riaz.

END OF ACT 1 Turning Point:
Taylor has another lapse that almost kills her – she’s brought back by defibrillator.
We learn that Taylor’s running out of time, which is why Dr. Strove brought Riaz here to work with her.

ACT 2A

Reaction:
Taylor is scared and frustrated – she almost died right when she’s finally got someone interesting in her life.
Taylor and Riaz start talking about the lapses…
Lapse #1 (right after car accident) – reliving the wedding day, unable to stop Sydney from marrying Christopher
Lapse #2 (learning her sister died) – talking about crushes: Taylor – Aaron, and Sydney – Christopher.
Lapse #3 (at facility, panic attack) – night Taylor takes Aaron to dinner with Sydney and Christopher, and Aaron and Sydney hit it off (jelaous)
Riaz determines that lapses are triggered by strong emotions, and that they lead to memories of Taylor’s “what if” moments.
Riaz makes a discovery: each lapse takes as long as the original event likely took – which isn’t how memory works.
Taylor confesses to Carrie that she blames herself for Sydney’s death – not just the accident, but everything leading up to it.
Taylor and Carrie reconnect, Taylor admits she’s falling for Riaz – Carrie is worried for them both.
Carrie starts coughing, but something is definitely wrong. Taylor panics, which brings on another—
LAPSE: reliving Christopher announcing the engagement. Taylor is furious, slams her hands down, upsetting Sydney—but she’s worried about Carrie “I can’t be here right now!”
Taylor wakes up to see Carrie being carried out by a medical team.

The Plan:
Riaz visits—he wasn’t here when she lapsed, feels guilty.
Taylor asks about Carrie; she isn’t allowed to see her and she’s very worried.
Riaz encourages her to focus on her own recovery, so when Carrie’s feeling better, they’ll both be well.
Taylor agrees to another session.
Riaz changes treatment method – wants to do a brain scan while she recounts the next lapse.
Lapse #4 – (triggered by the hospital tapioca) Catching Christopher cheating on Sydney
They talk about what a bastard Christopher is. Riaz is getting interesting readings on the EEG…
Asks Taylor to do another lapse?
Lapse #5 – (generally depressed) Before Taylor can tell her that Christopher was cheating, Sydney says she’s pregnant.
Riaz is horrified—what happened to the baby?
Taylor says the baby hadn’t been born, she died with Sydney in the car crash…
It’s the first time Taylor’s said this aloud—and it triggers another…
LAPSE: Back to childhood, Taylor manages to avoid falling in the campfire that left her arm terribly burned.

Midpoint:
When she returns to the hospital (being packed in ice to bring down a crazy high fever) Taylor realizes she changed her past – the scar is gone.

ACT 2B

Rethink:
Taylor tells Riaz her scar is gone, but he has no memory of it; because her past truly was changed, they’d never discussed it after all.
Taylor tries to convince him what she’s saying really happened.
Riaz gets increasingly concerned, starts to fear the last lapse damaged her brain.
He leaves to set up more diagnostics.
Riaz and Strove are starting to think the way to “cure” Taylor is to medicate her so that her emotinos cannot triger another lapse.
Taylor hates this idea – living out a shell of a life as a zombie? She’d rather die…
Taylor goes to find Carrie, and is let in.
Carrie is dying of lung cancer – she’d hid it all this time, but it’s finally overwhelming her system.
Taylor grieves, but Carrie says the only thing that’s changed is now Taylor knows. Carrie’s still going to live her life until the end.
Carrie asks about Taylor and Riaz’s progress: on both fronts.
Taylor hesitates, fearing Carrie will think she’s crazy: but then she tells Carrie everything.
Carrie listens, skeptically at first, but then asks – if Taylor believes what she’s saying—what’s she gonna do about it?
Taylor is struck: if she could change her own past, maybe she can change Sydney’s fate, too.

New Plan:
Taylor and Carrie set to work, trying to find a patter to the lapses so they can predict the right moment for Taylor to jump back in and change it.
Carrie and Taylor discover that the lapse-episodes correspond to time of day as well as duration of the memories.
They are more and more convinced that Taylor isn’t hallucinating, she’s travelling into the past.
But they can’t figure out the pattern. They figure they only have one more shot at this.
Taylor’s managed to convince Riaz not to medicate her just yet – she tells him she’s making progress controlling her emotions.
Riaz and Taylor have another session where she describes Lapse #6 on an EEG:
Lapse #6 – (after losing her job and Aaron moving away) Taylor slaps Chris in bar, goes home to find Sydney and Aaron together, feels betrayed.
Riaz is encouraged—the EEG shows improvement from the last session.
They celebrate, Riaz cooks dinner for Taylor. It’s unexpectedly intimate, and Taylor realizes Riaz is falling for her, too.
She goes to tell Carrie—finds her fading quickly.
Carrie gives her a letter (for later) and her pendant necklace with her motto inside: “keep fucking going”
Taylor stays with Carrie until she dies.
Numb, Taylor leaves the nurses to their work, takes off her monitor, and collapses in her room—
LAPSE: She goes to back to the café with Sydney, when Sydney tells her she has a crush on Christopher, and freaks out, telling Sydney to leave him immediately, that he’s going to destroy her life. Taylor is wracked with pain, and finally pulled out of the lapse by—
RIAZ – who’s got a defibrillator to her naked chest. He’s found her on the floor, panicked.
When she returns, he starts to cry, gathering her up in an embrace.
Strove enters, sees this, and orders Riaz out of the room—Riaz is instantly fired for becoming involved with a patient.

END OF ACT 2 Turning Point:
Taylor is cut off from Riaz, she’s lost her best friend Carrie, and we learn she flatlined twice. Now Strove tells her he’ll be implementing the medication protocol that Riaz should have started weeks ago—Taylor’s emotions won’t be allowed to trigger any more lapses.

ACT 3

New Plan:
Taylor wakes up, groggy from the medicine she’s been given.
She sees the envelope that contained Carrie’s letter open and empty on her night stand.
She panics, then sees Riaz sitting in a chair across from her, reading the letter.
He had come to say goodbye and apologize for failing Taylor…
Now he sees the depth of her delusion. He’s furious that Carrie played into her delusions without telling anyone…
Taylor asks what he’s talking about?
He shows her the letter: Carrie cracked the pattern – the memories cycle in 84-day loops.
Everything lines up – she figured it out because Carrie had two lapses at the wedding, and the 4th of July when she was 7, it all lines up.
Like a Mobius strip, if it’s 84 days in length – any lapse will correspond to one of the layers beneath.
Taylor demonstrates, and Riaz is shocked to see that the dates and times actually do line up.
He calls it The Mobius Syndrome… but says even if it were real, she can’t use it to save her sister.
If she goes off the medication to lapse again, she will die.
A nurse stops in the doorway, Strove has your termination papers.
Riaz admits he just stopped to say goodbye and apologize for failing Taylor.
Taylor says he hasn’t failed her, and since he’s no longer her doctor—she kisses him.
Riaz freezes, then responds, before breaking away. I can’t… Maybe in another life, but…
Taylor knows she’s lapseing, but she’s happy.
As she collapses in his arms–

Climax:
Taylor LAPSES: back to a night with Aaron. They had no plans, just grabbing dinner.
Taylor can hear Riaz calling to her distantly, but she focuses on Aaron.
She tells him she can see the future, and knows he’ll fall in love with her sister.
When he winces, she realizes he’s already fallen in love. She urges him to tell Sydney, to speak before it’s too late.
Aaron laughs, awkwardly. He’s only known her for a month…
Taylor staggers on the pavement – she knows her body is dying.
Aaron is concerned, tries to help her, but she says it’s too late for her… but it’s not too late for Sydney.
She dials Sydney on her phone and hands it to Aaron—
Taylor dies.

Resolution:
Taylor wakes up in a hospital. At first, she thinks she’s failed.
But then she sees Sydney and Aaron!
Taylor’s past is reset, but she’s lost her love interest, Riaz. They’ve never met in this timeline.
Sydney has broken up with Christopher (who freaked out on her when she bailed on their plans last night)
Sydney and Aaron are clearly in the new stages of a relationship now.
Taylor is so happy for them.
As soon as she can, she finds Carrie: Trust me, we’re going to be good friends.
She convinces Carrie to get a cancer screening and supports Carrie through the treatment.
THREE YEARS LATER: they’re celebrating Carrie’s cancer-free status and Sydney and Aaron’s engagement…
But Taylor is still pining for Riaz, who she thinks never left London.
But Carrie invited Strove and encouraged him to bring a visiting lecturer: Riaz.
Taylor and Riaz hit it off instantly, and Riaz admits he’s in town for the semester, which will give them time to get to know each other.

New Status Quo:
Taylor and Carrie are roommates, and Taylor has finished her graphic design degree and has a new job she loves, with friends she can count on, and now… the possibility of love with the man she’s already fallen for.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Three Gradients

What I learned doing this assignment is: this is an incredible tool for building a story over the course of the second act in particular. I knew roughly what I wanted to include, but doing this assignment helped me see how things flow from one thing into the next. It’s a process, and I know it will get more refined going forward, but I’m excited with the progress so far.

I’m using the “Desired Change” Emotional Gradient.

Emotional Gradient:
Excitement
Action Gradient:
Taylor meets Carrie – her first real friend post-accident.
Dr. Strove introduces Taylor to world-renowned brain-specialist Riaz who believes he can help her.
Challenge / Weakness Gradient:
C: Starting the diagnosis process over from the beginning with a new doctor.
W: Taylor is attracted to Riaz.

Emotional Gradient:
Doubt
Action Gradient:
Riaz starts very methodological process of diagnosis.
Determine that lapses are triggered by strong emotions in the present.
(At first, Riaz doesn’t think the “memory” is relevant).
Taylor has another lapse that almost kills her – brought back by defibrillator.
Challenge / Weakness Gradient:
C: Trying to figure out what’s causing the lapses, suffering all manner of tests.
W: They’re looking for a scientific explanation.

Emotional Gradient:
Hope
Action Gradient:
Discussing that lapses are Sydney’s “what if” moments, they realize something critical about the lapses.
Riaz changes treatment method – helping Taylor confront and work through the traumatic events she’s revisiting.
Taylor shares the story of her sister’s death, starting from the day she got engagemed to Christopher.
Challenge / Weakness Gradient:
C: Taylor must address her unresolved trauma, which seems responsible for the lapses.
W: Taylor blames herself for Sydney’s death.

Emotional Gradient:
Discouragement
Action Gradient:
Taylor has another lapse and is brought back twice after flatlining.
In her lapse, Taylor avoids the childhood accident that burned her arm and scarred her—she changed her past.
Taylor returns to the present and tries to explain what happened, but Riaz thinks she’s delusional.
Riaz wants to medicate Taylor to neutralize her emotions so she cannot lapse again.
Taylor convinces him to give her more time before taking drastic measures. Reluctantly he agrees.
Challenge / Weakness Gradient:
C: If she can go back to the right moment, Taylor might be able to save her sister’s life.
W: But… one more lapse will likely kill her.

Emotional Gradient:
Courage
Action Gradient:
Taylor decides to try one final lapse to save Sydney, even if it means risking her own life.
Taylor and Carrie (who believes her) work together to try to find a pattern so they can plot the best time for Taylor to lapse.
They realize Taylor’s lapses fit a pattern, cycling every 84 days… but then Carrie dies of the cancer that’s been killing her.
Strove sees Riaz comforting Taylor and it’s clear they both have feelings for each other.
Riaz is immediately removed as her doctor and Strove prepares to dose Taylor with the emotion-suppressing medication.
Challenge / Weakness Gradient:
C: Taylor wills herself into a lapse, but she has to find a way to reach Sydney and change the past before she runs out of time.
W: Taylor’s body is dying.

Emotional Gradient:
Triumph
Action Gradient:
In the lapse, Taylor convinces Aaron to call Sydney before she collapses.
Taylor comes to in the hospital—thinking she has failed—then sees Aaron and Sydney waiting for her.
Sydney broke up with Christopher, which means there will be no car crash, which means Taylor’s walking into a new future.
Taylor reaches out to Carrie, who becomes her roommate and gets screened for cancer early enough that it’s caught and treated.
Carrie and Taylor become roommates, and Taylor takes all the opportunities she previously passed on…
But she’s still pining for Riaz, who’s somewhere in London, having never come to America to treat her.
She’s just about given up on love, when she runs into Riaz at a conference for medical innovators (she’s the graphic designer for a medtech startup) – and they hit it off, and now they’re free to pursue a relationship without crossing ethical boundries.
Challenge / Weakness Gradient:
C: Taylor “dies” – just as she’s changed Sydney’s fate, resetting her own past in the process.
W: Taylor’s past is reset, but she’s lost her love interest in Riaz.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Lead Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is: I’d never considered the “betraying character” before, but the neuroscientist that is called in to consult on her case fits this role perfectly. They become close during her treatment, but when he believes she’s starting to lose touch with reality, he acts like a doctor rather than listening as a friend. It’s not that he’s a bad guy, he just cannot accept that what she’s telling him could be real.

Tell us your transformational journey logline.
A grieving woman suffers mysterious, life-threatening seizures during which she relives the traumatic events leading to her sister’s death—until she realizes that within these “memories” she has the power to rewrites history.

Tell us who you think might be your Change Agent and give a few sentences about how that character fits the role.
Carrie, an older patient in the medical facility, is the change agent – she’s brought in to try to get Taylor to re-engage with life after Taylor’s suicide attempt. She’s unstoppable, hilarious, and compassionate. She’s also dying from cancer, but she doesn’t stop that from letting her enjoy the life she has left.
Her vision: you can’t control what hand life deals you, but you can learn to play your cards. She’s learned to embrace the triumphs and losses and truly embrace what it means to be alive anyway.
Her past experience that fits that vision: She has found ways throughout her life to experience joy even after loss, to be deeply enmeshed in life, and she tries to help Taylor find the courage to go on.

Tell us who you think might be your Transformable Character(s) and give a few sentences about how that character or characters fit the role.
Taylor is the transformable character. She’s been at the medical facility for almost a year, with no answers regarding her condition. She’s had 11 seizures/hallucinations, each one getting a little more severe/dangerous. When she learns that her doctor is no closer to finding the root of her disorder than he was when she arrived, she hits her breaking point and gives up, attempting suicide. She has no idea the power she weilds yet, but over the course of her journey through grief, she starts to take an active role in her life for the first time.

Tell us who or what you think might be The Oppression and give a few sentences about how The Oppression works in your story.
The oppression is the neurological disorder that strikes randomly, sending Taylor into emotionally wrenching and physically destructive episodes. Each one is more dangerous than the last, and if they can’t find a way to cure her or prevent more episodes, Taylor will die.

Tell us who you think might be your Betraying Character and give a few sentences about how that character fits the role.
I think Riaz – the young specialist who is sent for to take over her case – might be the betraying character, only because when she starts to believe she has the power to change her past, he starts to fear she’s losing touch with reality. It’s not that he’s a bad guy, but he’s a medical doctor who’s ethically obligated to look out for her best interest, and he cannot accept that what she’s experiencing could be real.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is: It really helps to articulate the starting state and the ending state. I am a little nervous that my main character might come off as whiny if I’m not careful. I want her to move from feeling victimized by events to feeling empowered to do what she can to construct a better life, so in some ways she has to start off in that victim-mentality. I just don’t want her to dwell on it – it’s something she has internalized so deeply that she just believes it. I think that will work. We’ll see.

Logline for the transformational journey: A grieving woman suffers mysterious, life-threatening seizures during which she relives the traumatic events leading to her sister’s death—until she realizes that within these “memories” she has the power to rewrites history.

The Old Ways:

Problem State: Taylor Donlan is a grieving patient who behaves as if her life is already over.

Her old way of being:
– Self-defeating
– Sarcastic
– Doesn't see the point in trying
– Believes she suffers unique and unfair misfortune
– Isolates herself from others

The New Ways:

The Solution State: Taylor has learned that life is worth living, and has taken ownership of her choices.

Her new way of being:
– Empowered
– Embraces others
– Able to form genuine friendships
– Values life’s imperfections
– Loves her life

~ end

• This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  Jennifer Quintenz-Berry.

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s First Three Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is: First, I know what I want my story to mean, but I’m not sure how to fully articulate it yet. Second, I know it doesn’t have to be perfect right now, which is comforting. .

What is your profound truth?
Own your power (trust your intuition?), even if it makes other people uncomfortable.

What is the change your movie will cause with an audience?
Inspire people to make the changes needed to live their lives in the way they want – rather than accepting the status quo.

What is your Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story through?
Pick A World.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  Jennifer Quintenz-Berry.

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn Q’s Analysis of Groundhog Day

What I learned doing this assignment is:

• The two main characters are truly perfect in their roles. If Phil started off nicer, or if Rita wasn’t as particular and perceptive as she is, the movie wouldn’t have been nearly as profound. It was because Phil had so long to go from jerk to genuine human being, and Rita was so discerning that she wouldn’t fall for flattery, only for a genuinely good man, that the movie worked as well as it did.

• Despite all the profound movement along the way, it was still wickedly funny and entertaining.

• This was a really good use of this premise – the writers really went all out, exploring the vast array of different things Phil could try having infinite time stuck in a day that repeats with no consequences. And it wasn’t until he’d exhausted all the cheap and easy stunts (running from cops, punching Ned in the face, manipulating women into sleeping with him, stealing cash…) that he started to suffer an existential dread of being trapped in a world without consequences and, therefore, without obvious meaning. This is when the real change starts to take place, of course, he starts to give his own life meaning, building what he can build given the circumstances. Learning, growing, paying attention, making others feel good because he has the power to do so.

What is the CHANGE this movie is about?
This movie is about forging genuine connection.

What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?
Phil goes from being a self-centered narcissist, to becoming genuinely invested in the lives of others and – because of this – finally finding peace and happiness in his own life.

Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?
Rita is the change agent: it is because of her that Phil finally starts changing himself internally. She’s the right character to cause the change because:
• Phil is instantly attracted to her – at first for surface reasons (she’s pretty) then later for deeper reasons (what she values, who she is)
• She is not a push-over: when Phil tries to get her into bed deceitfully, she recognizes it and slaps him (over and over again)
• She is a worthy love interest, but he will have to become worthy of her before they can unite.

Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?
Phil is the transformable character. He is the right character to deliver this profound journey for many reasons:
• He’s a narcissist who is first only concerned with fulfilling his own needs who grows into caring for others
• He is funny, so even when he’s a jerk we’re entertained watching him
• He’s smart, he tries EVERYTHING he can think of (from pretending to be the perfect guy for Rita, to trying to kill himself) to control his situation, only giving in and genuinely transforming when he has no options left
• Once he begins to change, and genuinely becomes invested in other peoples’ lives, we root for him because we can see the change is real

What is the Oppression?
Ground Hog Day – a day that repeats over and over and over no matter what Phil does to try and stop it.

How are we lured into the profound journey?
• We see the same things happening, but Phil responds differently, causing subtle changes – at first acting out his own frustrations, but later on trying to help the people he’s grown to know over time.
• There’s an aspect of wish fulfillment that the story exploits: from getting away with whatever you want to, to “hacking” people’s relationships to make them think they know you, to spending however long it takes to master piano, learn French, read, grow…
• We watch Phil go from being a jerk to someone who takes pleasure going around helping people and making others happy – which he genuinely seems to enjoy, not for what it does for him but for how he’s able to turn things around for them. He knows there’s no consequnces, he could continue being a jerk and getting away with it, but he starts being a decent human being because that is the life that he would rather be living… and over time, living that life makes it real.

What causes us to connect with this story?
Some of the moments that really impacted me:
• When he starts helping the old homeless man, and – upon learning the man died – tries over and over to save him before finally realizing that death is part of life. But through this journey to acceptance, he came to appreciate life in a new way.
• When he starts using his time to grow and learn, piano, ice-sculpting, “doctoring” (both helping the choking man and fixing another man’s back)
• Watching as his connection to the town grows and deepens – the moment when he takes Rita around and introduces everyone in the diner (including the young couple who might not get married, whom he later helps resolve their doubts)

Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey from “old ways” to “new way of being.”
Phil changes the most, and his profound journey goes from being self-obsessed and seeking only what will benefit him no matter who it hurts, to this one amazing day where he helps even knowing it will all be forgotten tomorrow (so he doesn’t benefit from this personally).

What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing (gradient of change)?
He changes step by step in the following way:
• Resenting being stuck in this town.
• Disbelief and frustration that the day keeps repeating.
• Realizing he can use this to get women to sleep with him, steal money, avoid consequences for his actions.
• Realize his life has no meaning, and decides to end it… over and over and over to no avail
• Start accepting that this is his life for real.
• Start using this to better himself for real… learning music, reading, ice sculpture, and also getting more invested in the town.
• Becoming the kind of person who helps others because he wants to, not because it will get him anything in return
• Becoming the kind of man that Rita genuinely falls in love with.

How is the “old way” challenged?
No matter what he does to win Rita over (memorizing all her interests and gaming the system to fake a connection), it’s not until he starts changing himself that he starts forging a real connection to her.

What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
A life without consequences is at first intoxicating, then alienating – if nothing you do matters, than the only thing that matters is what you choose to do. There is no tomorrow, so Phil can’t climb the corporate ladder – his life is one day at a time and the only thing moving forward with him is what he’s learned. So he devotes himself to growing and learning and in the process, becomes a better man.

What are the most profound moments of the movie?
• The death of the homeless man shows Phil that there are real-life consdquences for those around him… they’re not playthings.
• Introducing Rita to everyone in the diner – he’s invested the time and energy to get to know each of them for real,
• The moment in the upstairs hallway of his bed and breakfast, when he engages with the other guest, making him feel really great about the day.
• When he is in the bachelor’s auction – and he’s so popular with everyone, we see he’s made a real connection in the town. And then, Rita bids everything in her wallet to get him herself – something she never would have done for the old Phil.
• Then the moment when he wakes up after their night together, and she’s still with him. The day has finally progressed to tomorrow, and he’s going to go forward with Rita as his love for real.

What are the most profound lines of the movie?
• Phil: “When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.”
• Phil: “Something is different.” Rita: “Good or bad?” Phil: “Anything different is good.”

How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?
We’ve been waiting for the whole movie to hear something different on the radio – and when the same song plays we think oh no! But then the talking heads say something different, and Rita is still there, and Phil looks out to see the crowd is gone. But the biggest change is the way Phil treats Rita, and how he’s genuinely grateful for her, the town, his life, and their future.

What is the Profound Truth of this movie?
It’s not until you care more about what happens to others than you care about your self that you will truly understand love.

~ end of assignment

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Hi, I’m Jenn Quintenz.
I’ve written features, TV episodes, novels, and graphic novels.
I’m always looking for ways to learn more about writing!
Not sure if this is unique, but I like to think of myself as an “extreme gardener” which encompasses everything from building decks and chicken coops, to planting food forests, to installing porous capsule irrigation systems and in-ground Hügelkultur beds.

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn Quintenz
I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Hello all, I’m ready to exchange feedback.
Here’s the info:
BLACKPILL
(crime thriller)
LOGLINE: After a bombing rocks her college town to the core, an ambitious but unseasoned detective joins forces with a reclusive incel message-board moderator to thwart a stochastic terrorist manipulating disaffected men into committing murder.

Trigger Warning: this story includes incels, misogyny, language, and a mass-casualty attack.

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Episode Titles

What I learned doing this assignment: I want each title to do multiple things (which maybe a good or bad thing?) namely, play on some computer or online concept while also giving the flavor of the main conflict for the episode. I will run these by other people, but so far this is what I’ve got.

Episode 1: Down The Digital Rabbit Hole

Episode 2: The Antisocial Network

Episode 3: The Doxxer Rebellion

Episode 4: Frenemy Request

Episode 5: Don’t Deplatform The Messenger

Episode 6: Ghost in the MMO

Episode 7: The Phisher King

Episode 8 (Season Finale): Zero-Day Break

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment: It’s worth taking the time to elevate each part of the pitch bible, even if it’s painful.

The bible is definitely getting stronger as I take each section apart and work it piece-by-piece to make it as compelling as possible.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation

What I learned doing this assignment: Some of the skills we’ve been using are helpful to break out and rework as each part of this bible gets more and more refined. By going back and reworking / editing, then aksing AI to summarize, then reworking and editing, I got to something much closer to what I think I’m aiming for. Still not there, but on the way!

Parts with improvement:

*World: I revised this

*Character descriptions – I revised to make them easier to read, more direct, and focused on the critical elements.

*Episode descriptions – I worked with the flow to make it closer to my ideal version (still not there)

*Season descriptions – I actually went back and redid some lessons with the improved Character and Episode descriptions, then sorted through what I liked and edited that into the stairsteps, then I asked AI to condense into impactful summaries, and then I rewrote those.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Character Descriptions

What I learned doing this assignment: I played around with a couple of different ways of presenting the character. I used the profile, but I also used some longer character paragraphs I’d written along the way. I like how the AI condensed what I’d written—it gets more directly to the heart of the character and focuses on the potential conflicts and drama, which I appreciate. It still needs massaging, but I’m eager to see where we go from here.

DETECTIVE ASHLYNN “ASH” LEWIS

In the murky world of BLACKPILL, Detective Ash Lewis emerges as a tenacious and intuitive investigator, navigating the shadows of a digital realm where the line between connection and despair blurs. Her rise in the Aerie, CA PD is met with both admiration and resentment. Still, Ash’s unwavering commitment to justice propels her into a chilling alliance with a reclusive incel message board moderator. As she confronts the manipulative forces behind stochastic terrorism, Ash’s relentless pursuit of the truth places her beloved brother and girlfriend directly in the crosshairs of sadistic, anonymous predators, forcing her to confront the very darkness she seeks to dispel.

JOEY TREADWELL

Joey Treadwell, scarred both physically and emotionally, stands as the compassionate moderator of an incel online haven. Despite surviving a childhood marked by rejection and isolation, Joey finds solace in his digital family, skillfully navigating the dark alleys of the internet to protect the vulnerable. When Detective Ash Lewis recruits him to combat a stochastic terrorist, Joey grapples with newfound visibility, torn between loyalty to his tribe and the moral dilemma of stopping a killer, thrusting him into a dangerous clash between the online sanctuary he’s built and the real-world dangers he never anticipated.

DETECTIVE PATRICK BYRON

Detective Byron, a seasoned 30-year veteran of the Aerie PD, is a stoic and traditionalist figure, embodying a paternalistic ethos that clashes with the evolving landscape of law enforcement. With a secret resentment simmering beneath his composed facade, Byron, serving as Ash’s partner, becomes a volatile element when passed over for promotions, fueled by a belief that he’s a victim of changing societal norms. As he vies for the open lieutenant position, his simmering frustrations threaten not only his partnership with Ash but also the delicate balance within the precinct, setting the stage for internal conflicts that could jeopardize the investigation against the stochastic terrorist.

LESSA ROSSI

Lessa, the captivating love of Ash’s life, conceals a haunting past marked by a marriage marred with abuse and a struggle against the strictures of her Catholic upbringing. As a confident and enigmatic documentary photographer, Lessa grapples with the excruciating dilemma of confronting her traumatic history when Ash proposes, threatening to unravel the carefully constructed facade of her new life. Lessa’s secrets, tightly guarded and intertwined with the chilling backdrop of BLACKPILL, add a layer of complexity that tests her relationship with Ash and introduces a perilous unknown into the already tense investigation, leaving readers eagerly anticipating the revelation of her hidden truths.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Intriguing Concept and World

What I learned doing this assignment: Well… AI certainly generated something I’m not sure I would have come up with. I’m not sure about the “delve into” part… but I’m going to sit on it before I start pulling things apart. It does convey a lot of what I wanted to get across about this community and how there’s a negative feedback loop that drives lonely people to deeper and deeper despair. I’m eager to see how things progress from here!

Concept: In BLACKPILL, Detective Ash Lewis, an ambitious but unseasoned investigator, allies with a reclusive incel message board moderator to thwart a stochastic terrorist manipulating vulnerable men into committing murder.

Intriguing World: Delve into the shadowy realms of “blackpill” incels—lonely souls seeking solace online, navigating a fine line between connection and despair. As Detective Ash Lewis dives deeper, she unveils a chilling landscape where manipulation and stochastic terrorism blur the boundaries of community, pushing characters to the brink. The seedy underbelly of the internet becomes a haunting backdrop, mirroring the dark corners of the human psyche.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn has completed the BW Framework!

What I learned doing this assignment: I had to amp up a few places that I’d previously thought were ready go to. Seeing it all laid out in a simple, precise way was very helpful, because it forced me to compare and contrast all the elements, and those that weren’t quite as dramatic really stood out. I actually found a new element to add that helped one of my characters gain more depth.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Show Mysteries

What I learned doing this assignment: It’s interesting trying to tease out the different players in the over-time mystery. It all ties back to Max, but I don’t know how much to parse out and when. It will be an interesting journey to explore as we move forward.

Mystery 1: Opening Shocking Event Mystery

A. Shocking Event: A 3D-printed drone, equipped with a camera and a homemade explosive device, flies into the campus health center, causing a devastating explosion. Two people are critically injured, and five others suffer wounds.

B. Secret: The 3D-printed drone used in the attack was developed by a student who was coerced by an unknown individual or group. The mastermind behind the attack has a broader agenda tied to the incel blackpill killings, aiming to create chaos and amplify the fear within the college community.

C. Investigation: Ash and Byron delve into the wreckage of the health center, discovering the remnants of the drone and its explosive payload. They find a cryptic message left behind, hinting at a connection to the incel blackpill community. The investigation leads them to Joey, the scarred incel messageboard moderator, who becomes an unexpected ally as they attempt to decipher the motive behind the bombing and identify the person or group pulling the strings.

D. WWWWW and How:

Who: Disgruntled BlackPill student at university

What: built the drone and explosives

Where: university health center

When: 8 am on a Tuesday

E. Part Withheld:

Why: He was inspired and egged-on by an online gaming “friend” after sharing his disgust with college women and suicidal thoughts.

How: it was this “friend” that sent him the blueprints and instructions for the sophisticated exposive device.

Mystery 2: Ongoing Over-Time Mystery

A. Cover-up: Ash uncovers evidence pointing to someone within the police department involved in covering up crucial information related to the incel blackpill killings. The cover-up extends to protecting the identity of the mastermind behind the attacks, who may have influential connections.

B. Secret: The Deputy Chief is being blackmailed to force an end to the investigation. When that fails, he’s forced to engage in a cover-up, manipulating the investigation to shield MV’s identity (the stochastic terrorist that radicalized the bomber) and pulling strings behind the scenes to ensure the investigation is misdirected.

C. Reveals: As Ash digs deeper, she discovers a clandestine alliance between the corrupt Deputy Chief, Dr. Liam Harper, and the University Provost. The trio has been orchestrating the cover-up to safeguard their own interests, which include the suppression of information that could expose the identity of the Blackpill ringleader. The revelation not only jeopardizes Ash’s career but puts her and her loved ones in the crosshairs of those willing to go to extreme lengths to protect their secrets.

D. WWWWW and How:

Where: the university town

How: Forcing a quick end to the investigation after the bomber is caught, so things can go back to normal and people can “heal”

E. Part Withheld:

When: MV’s fury has been building ever since he was a student at this university: now he’s ready to excecute his plan to take revenge, the bomber is just step one.

Who: MV is the terrorist behind everything. He’s blackmailed Deputy Chief, Dr. Harper, and the University Provost.

What: working together to “wrap up” the investigation for their own ends (Harper wants to publish his findings, Provost wants school back to normal, officer is being blackmailed.)

Why: MV wants revenge on a group of kids who stood by and witnessed him being humiliated when they were all students at the university. He plans to take them out one at a time. Harper wants to advance his career, and the Univeristy Provost wants to be able to say its safe to send your kids back to school, case is closed.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is: Some characters I had a good sense of, but AI has helped me flesh out others that will play important roles in the story. I love how efficiently it compartmentalizes different aspects.

JOURNEY:

From a newly-minted, by-the-book detective, to line-crossing vigilante investigator on a mission.

CONCEPT:

BLACKPILL is a thriller that unfolds after a shooting in a college town. After her captain prematurely shutters the investigation into a shooting at the college in her town, Detective Ashlynn “Ash” Lewis becomes embroiled in a web of intrigue when she recruits the reclusive moderator of an incel messageboard to help her hunt a stochastic terrorist using Incel Blackpills to commit his crimes.

Main characters =

ASHLYNN “ASH” LEWIS

A. Role in the show: The protagonist detective who is determined to solve the case of the college shooting and expose the stochastic terrorist.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Ash is a highly focused and relentless detective with a strong ability to read people and a personal connection to the case.

C. Intrigue: She has a deeply personal connection to the case, as her younger brother was a student at the college during the shooting.

D. Moral Issue: Ash faces moral dilemmas related to her pursuit of justice, especially when her loved ones are in danger.

E. Unpredictable: Ash’s determination and willingness to go to great lengths make her unpredictable in her pursuit of the truth.

F. Empathetic: We care about Ash because of her dedication to justice and her love for her brother and girlfriend.

JOEY TREADWELL

A. Role in the show: Joey is the reclusive moderator of an incel message board who assists Ash in her investigation.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: He brings deep knowledge of the dark web world and the terrorist’s online presence, as well as a sense of compassion for the lonely and hurting.

C. Intrigue: Joey’s past trauma and his personal connection to the incel community add complexity to his character.

D. Moral Issue: Joey faces a moral dilemma when he collaborates with Ash, as it goes against the principles of the community he moderates.

E. Unpredictable: Joey’s internal conflict and changing loyalties make him unpredictable in the story.

F. Empathetic: We care about Joey because of his genuine desire to help those who are suffering, and his journey of self-discovery.

DETECTIVE PATRICK BYRON

A. Role in the show: Ash’s partner, who disapproves of women in law enforcement and questions Ash’s actions.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Byron provides a contrasting perspective to Ash’s, reflecting traditional attitudes in the police force.

C. Intrigue: His belief that women shouldn’t be career-driven and his frustrations with the system create intrigue around his character.

D. Moral Issue: Byron’s internal struggles regarding gender equality and his own career add a moral dimension to his character.

E. Unpredictable: Byron’s reactions to Ash’s actions and the case are unpredictable, influenced by his biases.

F. Empathetic: While he holds conservative views, Byron’s internal conflicts and personal history make us curious about his character’s development.

DR. LIAM HARPER

A. Role in the show: A forensic psychologist and profiler who assists in the investigation.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Dr. Harper provides insight into the mindset of the terrorist, enhancing the investigation.

C. Intrigue: His hidden past involving a former patient adds complexity to his character.

D. Moral Issue: Dr. Harper’s past patient and the ethical dilemmas in profiling terrorists raise moral questions.

E. Unpredictable: Dr. Harper’s expertise and the secrets of his past make his actions unpredictable.

F. Empathetic: We care about Dr. Harper due to his commitment to solving the case and his moral dilemmas.

SARAH “SKYLARK” TURNER

A. Role in the show: A skilled hacker and investigative journalist who aids Ash in uncovering the truth.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Sarah brings technical expertise and a drive to expose corruption.

C. Intrigue: Her personal agenda and the desire to reveal corruption create intrigue around her character.

D. Moral Issue: Sarah faces moral dilemmas related to her pursuit of truth and the consequences of exposing corruption.

E. Unpredictable: Sarah’s determination and her willingness to go to great lengths for her goals make her unpredictable.

F. Empathetic: We care about Sarah because of her commitment to justice and her past struggles.

ALESSANDRA “LESSA” ROSSI

A. Role in the show: Ash’s girlfriend, a documentary photographer with a mysterious past.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Lessa’s past and her current life offer a perspective on resilience and personal growth.

C. Intrigue: Her past as a victim of abuse and her struggle to come out as gay add layers to her character.

D. Moral Issue: Lessa’s dilemma about confronting her past and her desire for a future with Ash raise moral questions.

E. Unpredictable: Lessa’s journey of self-discovery and her impact on Ash’s decisions make her unpredictable.

F. Empathetic: We care about Lessa because of her strength and her journey towards healing and happiness.

MIKE LEWIS

A. Role in the show: Ash’s younger brother, a junior at UC Aerie who becomes involved in the case.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Mike provides a familial connection and insight into the college environment and student perspective.

C. Intrigue: His experience of losing their parents at a young age and his desire for independence add depth to his character.

D. Moral Issue: Mike faces moral dilemmas as he seeks to assert his independence while supporting his sister.

E. Unpredictable: Mike’s desire for autonomy and his response to Ash’s protectiveness make him unpredictable.

F. Empathetic: We care about Mike due to his resilience and his struggle to balance independence and family loyalty.

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Three Circles of Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is: Using AI was very helpful to fill out some characters I hadn’t considered, especially the circles of characters. I love that it included the Online Gaming community.

A. Main Characters:

ASHLYNN “ASH” LEWIS

Role: Ash is a newly-minted detective in the Aerie, CA PD. She’s still growing into the role, and has a powerful thirst to prove herself, but she’s no wide-eyed rookie. She’s good at reading people and even better at compartmentalizing—which can be a double-edged sword; she’s aware some other cops resent her quick rise, but doesn’t let on, keeping her nose to the grindstone and pouring her considerable energy and focus into the work. And Ash is absolutely the cop you want on your case—substance over style. She might look like a librarian with a badge, but she will shake every tree and turn over every rock to solve a crime. She’s only worked a dozen or so cases, but her solve-rate is better than anyone’s. At the end of the day, Ash only lets her guard down with the two people she loves most in this world: her brother, Mike and her girlfriend, Lessa. So what will she do when the case she’s about to embark on puts them directly in the crosshairs of sadistic—and anonymous—predators?

Secret or Intrigue: Ash has a deeply personal connection to the case, as her younger brother Mike was a student at the college during the shooting and narrowly escaped the attack. This hidden motive fuels her relentless pursuit of the truth.

JOEY TREADWELL (20s)

Role: Joey Treadwell is the moderator of an online community of incels.

Secret / Intrigue: Naturally smart and sensitive, Joey was caught in a house fire as a child. Despite the best efforts of plastic surgeons, half of his face was inoperably scarred. He survived the trauma of the fire to face the trauma of a childhood of rejection and isolation. As a teen, Joey finally found his tribe online: Blackpills understand what it is to be unwanted and unloved due to factors outside your control. They’ve been Joey’s family ever since, and he devotes his considerable skill and compassion to the group—providing a safe platform for the lonely and hurting, weeding out trolls, and generally overseeing the health of his community. Joey is not a violent guy, but he understands the desire some have to strike out at a world that’s turned its back on you. He’s resigned himself to the way the system works… but when Ash recruits his help, he discovers the world may value him—and see him—more clearly than he ever believed possible.

DETECTIVE PATRICK BYRON (50s)

Role: Byron is a 30-year veteran of the Aerie PD. He’s competent, traditional, and self-controlled. He’s Ash’s partner, but sees himself more as her babysitter than her mentor.

Secret/Intrigue: When he was 9, Byron’s dad left and his mom told Byron that made him the man of the family. He’s seen himself as a paternalistic protector ever since. He’s a good husband and a great father to his two daughters, but deep down he doesn’t think women should be career-driven, let alone cops. He’s been passed over for a few promotions, and secretly believes it’s because he’s a white man in the age of PC optics. He’s been patient, but if he doesn’t land the open lieutenant position this time around, he’s not going to take it lying down.

Dr. Liam Harper

Unique Role: A brilliant forensic psychologist and profiler, Dr. Harper is brought in to assist the investigation by providing insight into the mindset of the stochastic terrorist.

Secret or Intrigue: Dr. Harper has a hidden past that involves a former patient who went down a dangerous path, and this connection may hold clues to understanding the terrorist’s motives.

Sarah “Skylark” Turner

Unique Role: A skilled hacker and investigative journalist, Sarah is a crucial ally to Detective Ash in unraveling the mysteries of the dark web and the terrorist’s online activities.

Secret or Intrigue: Sarah has her own agenda, seeking to expose corruption in the highest echelons of society, and she sees the terrorist’s actions as a way to achieve her goals.

B. Connected Characters:

ALESSANDRA “LESSA” ROSSI

Role: Lessa is a documentary photographer and the love of Ash’s life. She’s charming and sexy, but very close-lipped about her past. She’s confident in her work and comfortable in her skin, which is remarkable considering all she’s suffered.

Secret / Intrigue: She knew she was gay as a young woman, but—desperate to please her Catholic mother—Lessa got married to a successful young man right out of college. After three years of intense emotional and physical abuse, Lessa confessed to her mom that she was gay and wanted a divorce. Lessa’s mother refused to accept this – divorce is a mortal sin, to say nothing of homosexuality. Broken-hearted, Lessa fled her marriage without obtaining the divorce, and built a new life in California, where she met Ash. When Ash proposes, Lessa is faced with an excruciating dilemma: does she finally confront her horrific past, or does she risk losing the future she’s been dreaming of her whole life?

MIKE LEWIS (20)

Role: Mike is Ash’s little brother, a junior at UC Aerie. He’s funny, easy-going, and empathetic – and remarkably resilient given he was 10 when his mom and dad were killed in a car crash. He didn’t know Ash very well at the time because she left for college when he was only 6. But Ash worked hard to rebuild their relationship and make him feel safe. To this day they love playing video games together – it’s their time to connect, whether sharing their thoughts or a companionable silence. Mike will always love Ashlynn, but he wishes she spent more time being his sister and less time trying to be his “mom.” Things get harder after the bombing at school; Ash barely lets him out of her sight. Mike knows he’s got to be allowed to make his own mistakes in order to grow. The question is, how can he make Ash understand that, too?

Professor Adrian Foster

Role: A criminology professor at the college where the shooting occurred, he becomes a source of information about the students and the dark web’s influence on them.

Special Agent Carla Ramirez

Role: An FBI agent assigned to work with Detective Ash’s team, she adds a layer of federal involvement and resources to the investigation.

C. Environment Characters (Jobs):

College Security Chief

College Students

Dark Web Forum Moderators

Online Gaming Enthusiasts

College Professors

Police Department Forensic Experts

Mental Health Professionals

Local News Reporters

IT Department Specialists

Anonymous Informants

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

THE DIPLOMAT 5 Star Model

What I learned doing this assignment: There’s so much that the main character doesn’t know, that we the audience are let in on from the start. There are many characters in different centers of her life (office, home, within the US government, within the UK government…) and already many conflicting adgendas. It’s very interesting, and I do feel the need to watch more. It was hard to stop at one.

Big Picture Hooks: What is the big hook of this show?

An overqualified and altruistically motivated diplomat is pulled from a critical role in Afghanastan and sent to England as the new Ambassador to handle a crisis, unbeknownst to her it is a test to determine whether she would make a good Vice President.

Amazing and Intriguing Characters: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?

Ambassador Wyler: no-nonsense, non-politically motivated career diplomat with little patience for the out-ward facing side of politics who is nonetheless unafraid of playing a role to ensure the success of her mission.

Hal Wyler: her ego-dirven ex-Ambassador husband who is in on the secret plan, who cannot help but meddle in her career.

Her point-person: A “king-maker” who has been reluctantly drafted to try to turn her into a vice president.

Empathy / Distress: What situations causes us to feel both empathy and distress for these characters?

She is clearly excited about her new post in Afghanastan, and crushed when it’s pulled for a fluffy job in England.

She’s a serious woman, but people around her treat her as a dilettante.

She’s trying to do a job, but her husband subtly (and not-so-subtly) undercuts her.

Her boss is also terrible at her job, which puts her in a terrible situation, and when she does what she can to fulfill her duties, her boss tries to fire her.

Her marriage is complex.

Her husband is kidnapped.

Layers / Open Loops: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?

Will she be able to keep her job, and if she does, will she be able to succeed at it?

Will she slowly get acclimated to the idea of being a vice president or will she reject it?

What is going to happen to her husband?

How long will the people who know the secret reason for her position keep it from her?

Inviting Obsession: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?

I really like this main character; I can identify with her, while also being excited and surprised by the world she moves in.

Her husband is an interesting guy – I can’t decide if I like or hate him. Their marriage is interesting and infuriating.

I like her close associate in London (the “kingmaker”).

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

1. I’m Jenn Quintenz.

2. I’ve been a staff writer on three hour-long TV shows (most well-known is MTV’s TEEN WOLF), and I’ve written many features, novels, and graphic novels.

3. I hope to learn some great brainstorming strategies and increase my writing speed. Also, it would be awesome to come out of this class with a brilliant new pilot.

4. Well, for the past five months, my husband, 12-year-old son, 9-year-old son, and two dogs have been living in one room while our house was torn down and rebuilt. It’s been surprisingly easier than I anticipated, and we all still like each other.

5. I’ve taken the ProSeries and Binge Worthy TV classes, as well as Thrillers, Horror, and a few others.

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

<div>GROUP RELEASE FORM</div>

As a member of this group, I, Jennifer Quintenz, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Yes, thank you Mark! I just got back and organized, only now saw this. Is it too late for you to trade drafts?

Best,
Jenn Q
jennquintenz@gmail.com

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Hello Patrick, I’d love to exchange! I’m at jennquintenz@gmail.com

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Hello Jerry – so sorry for the delay! I just emailed you. I’m at jennquintenz@gmail.com

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Plot and Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment: There’s plenty of interesting stuff here, I’m sure it will help inform the direction of the season arc and beyond. I’m still searching for the larger show idea, but I’m getting closer to finding it, I think. A lot of this is also helping me to organize when information should be revealed, rather than everything up front, dealing it out slowly should help engage audience interest.

PLOT LAYERS:

Surface Layer: Ash investigates a bombing at the college, which is closed prematurely by her captain.

Layer 1: Major Scheme Revealed – The shooting is part of a larger scheme involving a network of individuals manipulating incels.

Layer 2: Mystery Revealed – Joey, the incel forum’s moderator, unknowingly holds crucial information about the terrorist’s identity.

Layer 3: Thought the Story Was One Thing, But It Is Another – Ash thinks she’s hunting a lone terrorist but it’s really a coordinated group.

Layer 4: Hidden Plan – The terrorist’s motives seem random, but there’s a calculated plan to expose societal flaws and provoke chaos.

Layer 5: Mystery revealed – The terrorist is someone close to Ash, leading to a shocking betrayal that changes the entire course of the investigation.

Layer 6: Major shift in Meaning: The terrorist isn’t motivated by incel ideology; he’s pursuing a personal vendetta and using incels to do it.

Layer 7: Hidden history: The university has a history of covering up incidents, which unwittingly contributed to the rise of the terrorist.

CHARACTER LAYERS:

Surface Layer: Ash is a dedicated detective investigating a crime.

Layer 1: Hidden Character History – Ash’s ADHD both helps and hinders her, but she tries to keep it hidden from her department.

Layer 2: Major shift in meaning – When the investigation turns personal, Ash finds herself crossing lines she never thought she would cross.

Layer 3: Hidden Character history – Ash’s mentor, a retired detective, has a mysterious connection to the incel community, raising questions about their involvement in past cases and their influence on Ash’s career.

Surface Layer: Joey is a scarred computer programmer and moderator of an incel forum.

Layer 1 – Intrigue Layers: Joey’s scars hide not only physical pain but emotional scars that shape his decisions.

Surface Layer: Lessa is Ash’s supportive girlfriend.

Layer 1 – Hidden Relationships and Conspiracies – Lessa’s marriage prevents her from accepting Ash’s proposal.

Layer 2 – Hidden Character History – Lessa’s abusive husband abducts and imprisons Lessa when she’s doxxed by the incels.

Layer 3 – Secret identity: Lessa’s husband (and the truth about their marriage) threatens Ash’s and Lessa’s future.

Surface Layer: Mike is Ash’s younger brother, a college junior.

Layer 1 – Hidden Character History – Mike’s involvement in an unexpected group challenges his sister’s protectiveness.

Layer 2: Hidden relationships and conspiracies – Mike’s closest friend at the university is unknowingly connected to the terrorist, leading to a heartbreaking revelation that tests Mike’s loyalty and puts him in grave danger.

Surface Layer: Detective Byron is Ash’s partner.

Layer 1: Hidden Agenda – Byron’s desire for a promotion fuels his opposition to Ash’s investigation.

Layer 2: Intrigue layers – Detective Byron has a clandestine alliance with an influential figure within the police department, secretly working to obstruct Ash’s investigation and maintain the status quo.

Surface Layer: Dr. Harper is a confident forensic psychologist volunteering his help on this investigation.

Layer 1 – Wound: Harper’s insecurities are exploited, making him a potential threat to the investigation.

Layer 2 – Hidden Relationships and Conspiracies – Harper is being blackmailed by a member of the incel group.

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned doing this assignment: Some of these things are baked into the idea, but some are interesting mysteries to add intrigue to the story. I tried asking GPT a few different times, and in this instance, it gave better answers when I wasn’t adding to previous thread.

Big Picture Open Loops that could be in the pilot:

· Goals related to the big picture: Ash discovers a mysterious connection between the bomber and a shadowy stochastic terrorist with a hidden agenda.

· Competition/conflict around goals: Detective Byron intensifies his efforts to undermine Ash’s investigation, competing for the open Lieutenant position and seeking to discredit her in the eyes of their superiors.

· Problems created from past actions: Ash’s previous confrontation with Dr. Harper comes back to haunt her as he seeks revenge and uses his influence to turn others against her.

· Previous solutions cause new problems: Ash’s decision to trust Dr. Harper with sensitive information about the case results in unexpected consequences, endangering their fragile alliance.

· Will Ash figure out who supplied the plans for the bombing?

· Will Ash learn the true identity of Max before he incites more violence?

· Can Lessa survive being targeted and doxxed by the incels (after which she panics and confesses to Ash about her husband)?

· Will Ash get the lieutenant position (and get away from her asshole partner)?

· Will Joey be able to successfully infiltrate the violent incel sub-group without being discovered?

~ end

[Jennifer Quintenz-Berry]

Jenn’s Show Empathy/Distress

What I learned doing this assignment: Some of the AI-generated things weren’t on point, but I did stop myself from trying to make the vaguer ones “specific” so that they could fit a variety of different situations. It was helpful to reign back because I could suddenly see more opportunities across multiple episodes rather than the specific events I’d brainstormed that are one-and-done situations.

ASHLYNN “ASH” LEWIS:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Ash faces internal backlash and resentment from her department for continuing an unsanctioned investigation.

B. External character conflicts: Ash clashes with her partner, Detective Byron, who undermines her efforts due to his biased views against women in law enforcement.

C. Plot intruding on life: The investigation jeopardizes Ash’s personal life as the terrorist targets her loved ones, putting her girlfriend Lessa and brother Mike in danger.

D. Moral dilemmas: Ash is forced to question her loyalty to the department’s protocol and her commitment to justice when faced with conflicting interests.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Ash must make decisions that compromise her principles, such as working covertly and risking her career for the greater good.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Ash experiences the burden of isolation and distrust, making her relatable to anyone who has faced opposition for doing what they believe is right.

B. Make them relatable: Ash’s dedication to justice and vulnerability in personal relationships make her a relatable character with universal struggles.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Ash’s internal conflict between duty and personal connections resonates with the universal struggle of balancing work and relationships.

JOEY TREADWELL:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Joey’s physical scars lead to constant self-doubt and fear of rejection, amplifying his distress in seeking acceptance and love.

B. External character conflicts: Joey faces internal conflict when torn between protecting his online community and assisting Ash in stopping a killer.

C. Plot intruding on life: The investigation exposes Joey’s vulnerability as his safe online haven becomes a source of danger, challenging his moral stance.

D. Moral dilemmas: Joey grapples with ethical decisions, torn between loyalty to his incel community and aiding Ash in preventing further violence.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Joey is forced to confront his own fears and biases, making choices that challenge his self-imposed limitations.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Joey’s yearning for acceptance and his internal moral struggle elicit empathy from those who have grappled with self-identity and conflicting loyalties.

B. Make them relatable: Joey’s emotional scars and desire for recognition make him a relatable character, tapping into universal themes of self-worth and acceptance.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Joey’s journey from isolation to hope resonates with anyone who has felt marginalized, emphasizing the universal need for understanding.

DETECTIVE PATRICK BYRON:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Byron faces the distress of unacknowledged bias and resentment, feeling overlooked in promotions due to perceived discrimination.

B. External character conflicts: Byron’s clash with Ash intensifies as he prioritizes personal ambition over the pursuit of justice.

C. Plot intruding on life: The investigation disrupts Byron’s career aspirations, leading to a moral struggle between ambition and principles.

D. Moral dilemmas: Byron grapples with his ingrained biases against women in law enforcement, especially as Ash challenges his beliefs.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Byron must decide whether to compromise his integrity for professional gain or reconsider his biases.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Byron’s internal conflicts and desire for recognition evoke empathy from those who have experienced professional frustration and discrimination.

B. Make them relatable: Byron’s struggle with changing norms and expectations makes him relatable to individuals navigating evolving societal dynamics.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Byron’s internal conflict highlights the universal theme of confronting one’s biases and the struggle to adapt to changing circumstances.

ALESSANDRA “LESSA” ROSSI:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Lessa faces the distress of an abusive past haunting her present, impacting her emotional well-being and relationship with Ash.

B. External character conflicts: Lessa’s past puts a strain on her relationship with Ash as she grapples with the dilemma of revealing her traumatic history (turns down Ash’s proposal, etc.).

C. Plot intruding on life: The blackpills retaliation on Ash spills over to harm Lessa and jeopardize her safety and happiness.

D. Moral dilemmas: Lessa must decide whether to reveal her past and risk losing Ash or continue hiding, perpetuating a dishonest relationship.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Lessa is forced to choose between facing her past or potentially sacrificing her future happiness.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Lessa’s trauma and internal struggle make her a character to empathize with, especially for those who have faced difficult decisions and personal pain.

B. Make them relatable: Lessa’s journey of healing and self-discovery resonates with individuals who have navigated the challenges of coming to terms with their past.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Lessa’s dilemma reflects the universal theme of confronting painful truths for the sake of personal growth and authentic relationships.

MIKE LEWIS:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Mike grapples with the loss of his parents at a young age, and longing for Ash to see him as a brother, not a burden.

B. External character conflicts: Mike faces conflicts with Ash as he seeks independence, leading to strained sibling dynamics.

C. Plot intruding on life: The shooting at school intensifies Mike’s fear that Ash could be killed, leaving him entirely alone.

D. Moral dilemmas: Mike must confront the balance between familial loyalty and his need for personal growth, challenging the boundaries set by Ash.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Mike is forced to assert his independence in ways that clash with Ash’s overprotectiveness, making decisions that challenge their sibling bond.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Mike’s fear of Ash’s dangerous job, and the threats coming in from the Blackpill community.

B. Make them relatable: Mike’s journey toward independence taps into the universal theme of navigating the complexities of sibling relationships.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Mike’s quest for self-discovery and the push-and-pull dynamics with Ash resonate with individuals who have faced challenges in asserting their identity within familial relationships.

DR. LIAM HARPER:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Harper faces distress as Ash questions his professional competence, threatening his ambition for tenure.

B. External character conflicts: Harper experiences conflict with Ash as she challenges his expertise, undermining his authority.

C. Plot intruding on life: The investigation disrupts Harper’s calculated plans for professional advancement, exposing his insecurities.

D. Moral dilemmas: Harper is forced to confront the ethical implications of leveraging a tragedy for personal gain, testing his professional integrity.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Harper must decide whether to maintain a façade of confidence or address his vulnerabilities in the face of scrutiny.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Harper’s professional insecurities and fear of exposure make him a character to empathize with, especially for those who have grappled with imposter syndrome.

B. Make them relatable: Harper’s ambition and the fear of professional failure resonate with individuals navigating competitive professional environments.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Harper’s internal struggle highlights the universal theme of facing professional challenges and the pressure to succeed at any cost.

~ Jenn Q