[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry has completed the BW Framework!

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry’s Creating Irony!
What I learned doing this assignment is the more mining you do the more you have to use in the future

ASSIGNMENT 1: GoT s1

Character Irony:
Tyrion Lannister is regarded by the Starks as an enemy. They don’t trust or listen to him when he trys to distance himself from his family.

Ned Stark is a loyal servant of the King however his loyalty and friendship is rewarded by being handed a poison chalice.

Situational Irony:
The Starks are secure in the North and isolated from the quallels between the greater families in the South. By Robert bringing Ned in as his Hand he involves the Starks in southern court politics.

Deadline: 24 hours
ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show

Look back through your previous assignments and find at least 20 different situations or character components that you could go opposite to create irony.
With each, brainstorm ideas for ways it could go opposite.
Select the ones that work well for the show and share the character and situational irony ideas with us.

Character Irony:
Linda wants to be reconciled with Darran but her activities in the churh draw he closer to Wee Henry
A youthful Darran murdered a man for Big Nasty and has left that life behind but now in seeking an ally to try and stop Linda he finds himself being drawn back into that world.
Wee Henry genuinely loves Linda but his love of money is proving too strong
Roaring Cecil wants the power and status that a Mega Church will bring to him but to get it he will have to betray his current flock.

Situational Irony:
Linda wants what’s best for her people and neighbourhood but in blocking the Developers she’s damaging short-term investment and damaging her position.
Linda thinks that Roaring Cecil will be helping her defend the Tin Tabernacle unaware that he and Big Nasty were behind the unital approach to developers.
Progress requires investment which brings change, and corruption.
The Politicians who represent Linda’s people are conniving with their enemies in private whilst demonising them in public.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is that mining the character profiles brings up new ideas

ASSIGNMENT 1: GoT e2S1

Ned’s agreement to return to Winterfell in exchange for his life is dishonoured
Sansa is forced to betray her family

ASSIGNMENT 2: Running Towards The Light

Plot Surface: Linda is opposing corrupt developers who want to tear down the Tin Tabernacle

Layer 1: ROARING CECIL and BIG NASTY conspired to offer the Tin Tabernacle to the developers
Layer 2: Both DARRAN and WEE HENRY want LINDA to fail and return to being a housewife
Layer 3: DARRAN once killed a man on behalf of BIG NASTY
Layer 4: LINDA wants to destroy the corrupt Council and their pals
Layer 5: LINDA wants to tear down the corrupt ruling class

2. Brainstorm a list of possible CHARACTER layers.

Character Surface:

Character Surface:
LINDA a God-fearing housewife
DARRAN a good-natured but useless husband
WEE HENRY a wide boy with a crush on LINDA
ROARING CECIL a God-fearing Pastor to his flock
BIG NASTY a paramilitary thug

Layer 1:
LINDA a class warrior
DARRAN former gunman and murderer
WEE HENRY Loan shark and slum landlord
ROARING CECIL has the ambition to build a Mega-church and gain the power and money that would come with it
BIG NASTY tired and ill but too many enemies to step down

Layer 2:
LINDA a devastatingly ruthless politician
DARRAN worked for BIG NASTY as a enforcer
WEE HENRY will betray anyone, will do anything for money
ROARING CECIL and BIG NASTY are partners in a property consortium

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is BWTV requires a lot more character development than a film or one-off; more like a book.

ASSIGNMENT 1

GoT e1s1
Will Ned survive at Court
Will Bran walk again
Will Cersi and Jamie’s secret be exposed
Will Catlyn be reunited with her children
Will Jon Snow survive in the Night’s Watch

ASSIGNMENT 2:

1. Use this list to brainstorm big picture open loops for your first season that you will use to keep the audience captivated.

DARREN:
Will he repair his relationship with Linda?
Will his previous dealings with Big Nasty come out?

LINDA:
Will she survive to seize control?
Will she gain the confidence to realize her ambitions?

WEE HENRY:
Will his love for Linda prevent him destroying her?
Will Linda find out about his arrangement with Roaring Cecil?

ROARING CECIL:
Will he regain his faith?
Will his conscience hold him back?

BIG NASTY:
Will his health let him down?
Will his past crimes catch up with him?

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: A computer quietly reroutes a spaceship, containing an estranged husband and wife, on a one-way trip into the unknown.

ESSENCE: Confronted with the big stuff we’ve more in common than not.

INT. SPACECRAFT

MARCUS

So…that’s on my…mark!

CARLEY

Away buoys one…two…three…and four.

MARCUS

Confirm away four. So that’s that for now. Now do you want to tell me what the hell you’re doing on my mission.

CARLEY

Your mission? Your mission my giddy aunt.

MARCUS

I’m the Captain of this vessel and I want to know what the hell my ex-wife is doing onboard. Where’s Gerry? And what the hell did we just drop overboard?

CARLEY

And that answers both questions nicely. Gerry’s not here because he apparently didn’t fit the mission profile, and you’re here because I needed someone I could

MARCUS

What mission? To drop off some deep-space buoys? Hardly

CARLEY

Not your average buoys more…never mind. We’re done here. Take me home please.

MARCUS

Take you home. That’s the first good news I’ve heard on this trip. Boosters…engage fifteen seconds…fire on my mark…One, two, three…mark!

We see a computer VDU setting booster timing from fifteen to forty-eight seconds.

CARLEY

Engaged…and firing fifteen…ten…five…cut

MARCUS

Cut! Cut! I knew I could rely on what the hell do

CARLEY

It won’t respond! I’m

MARCUS

Cut the bloody booster. Let me at it

CARLEY

I can’t! They’re still firing! They’ve stopped

MARCUS

What have you done?

CARLEY

They wouldn’t respond I…forty-eight seconds. What the

MARCUS

(on radio)

Hello Deep One-six, deep one-six

Throws radio to desk.

MARCUS

No response. Nada. I’m not carrying the can for this.

(looks at navigation desk)

Deep space. Look at our heading.

CARLEY

Christ we’re traveling like a bat out of hell into

MARCUS

Nothing…there’s nothing

CARLEY

I’m not so sure. There seems to be ahhh a gravitational anomaly out there.

MARCUS

There’s nothing out there

Looks at scan

MARCUS (cont’d)

or…my bad…there shouldn’t be. We’ve got to correct our course. Now!

CURLY

Another fourteen seconds should spin us around and get us heading back

MARCUS

Boosters…on my one, two, three…mark!

We see the Computer screen overriding the command.

CARLEY

Fired…no they’re not firing I can’t

MARCUS

Christ. Let me! Mark! Nothing…it’s like it’s not wired up. I don’t

CARLEY

I gave you the chance to be the best and you don’t even check this shit before

MARCUS

Of course we bloody check it. Booster control is fail-safe It can’t

CARLEY

Well apparently it can.

MARCUS

It only went wrong when you came on board. What’s going on here. What’s

CARLEY

Do you think I’d sabotage your bloody boosters and then get on this shit-heap! Are you

MARCUS

What happened to Gerry? One minute he’s on the manifesto and next

CARLEY

Never mind all that. How are you going to get us back Captain?

MARCUS

The computer isn’t responding to any off my commands. It’s like

CARLEY

We’re getting pulled by a local gravity field towards something. But it’s

MARCUS

A Black Hole, a star? There’s nothing

CARLEY

That’s what puzzles me. If it was a gravity source we’d be accelerating towards it.

MARCUS

Don’t be silly we

CARLEY

Look at the Nav screen. We’re moving fast but not accelerating.

MARCUS

Right command decision here. Abandon ship!

CARLEY

I agree.

Marcus enters the lifeboat

The Computer screen disables the lifeboat controls.

MARCUS

You agree! For once in your bloody life would…the lifeboat panel’s not responding.

CARLEY

For what?

MARCUS

The lifeboat…the control panel is dead! It must be the bloody computer. It’s like it’s

CARLEY

So what do we do now?

Marcus re-enters the main cockpit.

MARCUS

Well we can either wait for rescue…but we haven’t been able to send a distress signal or

CARLEY

Or?

MARCUS

Normally we’d hop in the lifeboat and tell it to take us home.

CARLEY

Tell me there’s another “or”.

MARCUS

Or…well…we could…vent the onboard oxygen cylinders. They’re manually operated so the computer isn’t

CARLEY

Like boosters?

MARCUS

Exactly

CARLEY

Good call…but how much oxygen would that leave us with?

MARCUS

None in the cabin but we can use the lifeboats onboard supply in here and we’ll have plenty to get us back. So

Computer screen shows vent lifeboat command

Marcus hammers the controls

MARCUS

No! No! It’s venting

CARLEY

What?

MARCUS

The lifeboat! No! Stop! It’s all gone. The computer vented the lot overboard.

Carley slumps down to the floor and leans against a wall.

CARLEY

What about the cabin?

MARCUS

No. All regular here. But the lifeboat’s useless to us now and we can’t use the main oxygen supply to act as a booster. Look

CARLEY

What?

MARCUS

The computer log. It’s done this deliberately every step of the way. There it overrode your booster command, and here it vented the lifeboat oxygen. It’s like it wants us to go to that…anomaly.

CARLEY

Don’t be

Marcus slumps on to the floor beside Carley. He puts his arm around her.

MARCUS

So why was Gerry swapped out…for a routine buoy survey

CARLEY

I don’t…because he’s married. I didn’t want

MARCUS

Lucky Gerry. And why is a shit-hot deep-space astrobiologist put on board instead?

CARLEY

We’re slowing down.

MARCUS

Don’t be silly. Look we’re not firing any retro-boosters.

CARLEY

Well if we’re not slowing ourselves down then

(nods towards anomaly)

that is.

Marcus gives Carley a peck on the cheek.

MARCUS

Is it too late to say I’m sorry for being such a grouch?

CARLEY

Do you do that to all your crew-mates?

MARCUS

Not so much with Gerry.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is that listing out the WWWWW&H allows you to pace the reveals until a suitable point in the story by planting McGuffins.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

GoT e1s1
A. COVER UP: Cerci and Jamie Lannister pushed Bran off the wall
B. SECRET: To hide their incestuous affair
C. REVEALS:

• WHEN: When King Robert was visiting Winterfell
• WHERE: The old tower
• HOW: Pushed him off while climbing to view the Royal procession

Missing

• WHO: Cerci and Jamie Lannister
• WHAT: Pushed Bran off the wall
• WHY: To hide their incestuous affair

ASSIGNMENT 2:
The Lighthouse Keepers Wife

1. Shocking Event Mystery

A. Shocking Event: The Cook smothers the helpless Charlie while he lies unconscious
B. Secret: The Cook and the Doctor have colluded in Charlie’s murder
C. Investigation:

• WHO: The Cook
• WHAT: Murdered Charlie
• WHEN: After Charlie has been injured in an accident
• WHY: Carlie knew what the Doctor was doing in the laboratory
• WHERE: In his sickbed
• HOW: By smothering him with a pillow

Part Withheld: Nil

2. Over Time Mystery:

A. Cover up: The Doctor is respected for his good works and betrothed to the beautiful daughter of one of the local leading lights.
B. Secret: He is experimenting with the remains of stillborn children.
C. Reveals: Charlie is the first one to see the full horror of the Doctor’s laboratory and we later learn the Cook has been helping him for years.

• WHO: The Doctor
• WHEN: After Dinner
• WHERE: In a hidden room of his house

Part Withheld:

• WHAT: Reanimating the dead
• WHY: To revenge himself on those who expelled him from university
• HOW: Normal methods

[Jeremy Cooke]

<font face=”Courier Screenplay, monospace”><font size=”3″>LOGLINE: A computer quietly reroutes a spaceship, containing an estranged husband and wife, on a one-way trip into the unknown.</font></font>

<font face=”Courier Screenplay, monospace”><font size=”3″>ESSENCE: Confronted with the big stuff we’ve more in common than not.</font></font>

<font face=”Courier Screenplay, monospace”><font size=”3″>
</font></font>

INT. SPACECRAFT

MARCUS
So…that’s on my…mark!
CARLEY
Away buoys one…two…three…and four.
MARCUS
Confirm away four. So that’s that for now. Now do you want to tell me what the hell you’re doing on my mission.
CARLEY
Your mission? Your mission my arse.
MARCUS
I’m the Captain of this vessel and I want to know what the hell my ex-wife is doing onboard. Where’s Gerry? And what the hell did we just drop overboard?
CARLEY
And that’s answers both questions nicely. Gerry’s not here because he’s not cleared for this mission and you’re only here because I need someone to drive this
MARCUS
What mission? To drop off some deep-space buoys? Hardly
CARLEY
We’re done here. Take me home.
MARCUS
Take you home. That’s the first good news I’ve heard on this trip. Boosters…engage fifteen seconds…fire on my mark…One, two, three…mark!
We see a computer VDU setting booster timing from fifteen to fouty-eight seconds.
CARLEY
Engaged…and firing fifteen…ten…five…cut
MARCUS
Cut! Cut! What the hell do
CURLEY
It won’t respond! I’m
MARCUS
Cut the bloody booster.
CURLEY
I can’t! They’re still firing! They’ve stopped
MARCUS
What have you done?
CURLEY
They wouldn’t respond I…forty-eight seconds. What the
MARCUS
(on radio)
Hello Deep One-six, deep one-six
Throws radio to desk.
MARCUS
No response. Nada.
(looks at navigation desk)
Deep space. Look at our heading.
CURLEY
Christ we’re travelling like a bat out of hell into
MARCUS
Nothing…there’s nothing
CURLEY
I’m not so sure. There seems to be a gravitational anomaly out there.
MARCUS
There’s nothing out there
Looks at scan
MARCUS (cont’d)
or there shouldn’t be. We’ve got to correct our course
CURLY
Another fourteen seconds should spin us around and get us heading back
MARCUS
Boosters…on my one, two, three…mark!
We see the Computer screen overriding the command.
CARLEY
Fired…no they’re not firing I can’t
MARCUS
Christ. Let me! Mark! Nothing…it’s like it’s not wired up.
CARLEY
Don’t you check this shit before
MARCUS
Of course we bloody check it. Booster control is fail-safe It can’t
CARLEY
Apparently it can.
MARCUS
It only went wrong when you came on board. What’s going on here. What’s
CURLEY
Do you think I’d sabotage your bloody boosters and then get on this shit-heap! Are you
MARCUS
What happened to Gerry? One minute he’s on the manifesto and next
CURLEY
Never mind all that. How are you going to get us back Captain?
MARCUS
The computer isn’t responding to any off my commands. It’s like
CURLEY
We’re getting pulled by a local gravity field to something. But it’s
MARCUS
A Black Hole, a star? There’s nothing
CARLEY
That’s what puzzles me. If it was a gravity source we’d be accelerating towards it.
MARCUS
Don’t be silly we
CARLEY
Look at the Nav screen. We’re moving fast but not accelerating.
MARCUS
Right command decision here. Abandon ship!
CARLEY
I agree.

The Computer screen disables the lifeboat control access.
MARCUS
You agree! For once in your bloody life would…the diagnostic panel’s not responding.
CARLEY
For what?
Marcus enters the lifeboat
MARCUS
The lifeboat…the control panel is dead!
CURLEY
Lifeboat panel shows operational. But no response
MARCUS
It must be the bloody computer. It’s like it’s
CARLEY
So what do we do now?
Marcus re-enters the main cockpit.
MARCUS
Well we can either wait for rescue…but we haven’t been able to send a distress signal or
CARLEY
Or?
MARCUS
Normally we’d hop in the lifeboat and tell it to take us home.
CARLEY
Tell me there’s another “or”.
MARCUS
Or…well…we could…vent the onboard oxygen cylinders. They’re manually operated so the computer isn’t
CURLEY
Like boosters
MARCUS
Exactly
CARLEY
But how much oxygen would that leave us with?
MARCUS
None in the cabin but we can use the lifeboats onboard supply in here and we’ll have plenty to get us back. So
Marcus hammers the controls
MARCUS
No! No! It’s venting
CARLEY
What?
MARCUS
The lifeboat! No! Stop! It’s all gone. The computer vented the lot overboard.
Carley slumps down to the floor and leans against a wall.
CARLEY
What about the cabin?
MARCUS
No. All regular here. But the lifeboat’s useless to us now and we can’t use the main oxygen supply to act as a booster. Look
CARLEY
What?
MARCUS
The computer log. It’s done this deliberately every step of the way. There it overrode your booster command, and here it vented the lifeboat oxygen. It’s like it wants us to go to that…anomaly.
CARLEY
Don’t be

Marcus slumps on to the floor beside Carley. He puts his arm around her.
MARCUS
So why was Gerry swapped out…for a routine buoy survey
CARLEY
I don’t
MARCUS
And a shit-hot deep-space surveyor put on board?
CARLEY
We’re slowing down.

MARCUS
Don’t be silly. Look we’re not firing any retro-boosters.

CARLEY
Well if we’re not slowing ourselves down then
(nods towards anomaly)
that is.

Marcus gives Carley a peck on the cheek.
CARLEY
Do you do that to all your crew-mates?

MARCUS
Not so much with Gerry.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry’s Show Empathy/Distress

What I learned doing this assignment is that mapping out the world and relationships for and between major characters is a rich source of inspiration.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

A. Undeserved misfortune.
Bran – falls from tower
Ned – called to court
Catlyn – her family is scattered
Tyrion – he is hated by his Joffery

B. External Character conflicts.
Ned – with small council
Tyrion with his father, sister, Joffery

C. Plot intruding on life.
Tyrion is associated with Bran’s injury

D. Moral dilemmas.
Ned learns that Joffrey is not the true heir

E. Forced decisions they’d never make.
Ned has to stay in King’s Landing rather than return to the North
Catlyn has to leave Winterfell and Bran to resuce her daughters

ASSIGNMENT 2:

A. Undeserved misfortune.
Emma – losing her husband
Emma – falling pregnant
Emma – quarreling with Miss Delacherios
Cook – being cast aside by Doctor
Doctor – being expelled from University
Lighthouse keeper – losing his wife & child

B. External Character conflicts.
Lighthouse keeper – he discovers his wife is having an affair with the Captain

Cook to Doctor
The boy is a threat – he knows about those abominations in your study
Her position in the house is under threat from either Emma or Miss Delacherios

Doctor to Emma
If you insist on having this child then Charlie and you will have to leave this house immediately
You are expected to sleep with me as part of your duties

Cook to Doctor
If that woman has your child then Miss Delacherois will immediately break off your engagement and you will be shunned by polite society
Don’t you threaten me – I know everything

Doctor to Cook
You helped me. If I go down so do you.

C. Plot intruding on life.
Emma – the Doctor announces his engagement to Miss Delacherois

D. Moral dilemmas.
Emma – to allow her unborn child to be aborted
Cook – to abort Emma’s child

E. Forced decisions they’d never make.
Emma – abort the baby
Doctor – kill Charlie
Cook – revenge on the Doctor?

[Jeremy Cooke]

SCENE
INT. DEATH CELL – DAY
The cell is painted in a light green colour. There is a glass panel on one side with a door #A on the opposite side with “Danger – trip hazard” stencilled in red on it. The cell has a small seating area and, in the corner, a small toilet area with a waist-high wall separating it from an unmade bed.
Brandy enters from door #B.
PHILLIP
(stands)
Brandy. I didn’t expect
Brandy moves over to the glass panel and checks her hair.
PHILLIP (cont’d)
to see you at this stage.
(gestures to seating)
Please join me. Did you bring the papers?
Bandy puts a bundle of papers on the table and Phillip leafs through them.
Phillip
(points)
Here’s a good one of you.
BRANDY
(cranes over)
Hmmm…my hair looks nice. Oh look there’s one of your floozies.
PHILLIP
May we please not rake over that again.
(gestures to cell)
It doesn’t seem to be neither the time nor place.

BRANDY
(continues leafing)
Well if you hadn’t screwed
PHILLIP
Please. I really don’t need this…not as my last memory. Us fighting.
BRANDY
Well just saying…you brought this on yourself. Who’s going to look after me when
(Brandy glances at Door #A then starts as Door #B opens)
The guard brings in Phillip’s last meal then exits.
PHILLIP
Would you care to join me? I seem to have somewhat lost my
BRANDY
(picks through the dishes)
What on earth did you order? Escargot de Bourgogne? Crepes? With a Moselle! Ugh! What were you
PHILLIP
I’m afraid my mind was on other things. When it came to ordering I somewhat lost my
(beat)
BRANDY
(nods to door #A)
I think that must be in there.
They pick at the food and Phillip pours them both a glass of wine.
PHILLIP
Any news from Monsieur L’Président?
BRANDY
(nods to glass window)
I think they’d mention it.
PHILLIP
(tries the food)
Mmm…disgusting. Tell me for old times sake? I never quite knew how they found where I’d stashed the pistol.
BRANDY
Oh that’s easy! They followed me.
A guard enters and clears away the remains of the meal…
PHILLIP
(to guard)
Any news?
…leaving a pot of coffee and a few miniatures of brandy.
PHILLIP
Ah well.
(brightly)
no news is good news. Eh?
(beat)
PHILLIP (cont’d)
I do apologise. You were saying?
BRANDY
Les Flics knew everything. They were watching me. How they found out I don’t
PHILLIP
Ah…maybe I can help with that.
BRANDY
How?
PHILLIP
Well I tipped them off.
BRANDY
You! Why would
PHILLIP
I knew you had a solid alibi so I thought if I could use you to…ah…distract them, to confuse things, well that would give me time to slip away.
(beat)
BRANDY
You should have warned me. I should have been told.
PHILLIP
(chuckles)
I know what a good actress you are. I didn’t want to spoil your big moment.
BRANDY
(sniffs)
I told them. They knew.
PHILLIP
Who?
BRANDY
The Flics. I told them.
PHILLIP
But why?
BRANDY
I thought you were setting me up. To take the blame.
PHILLIP
But to the pistol? They were supposed to follow you to were I’d stashed some of the cash. Not the pistol! Never! I’d never give them the evidence for…
BRANDY
I though you were trying to send me through
(nods to door #A)
there.
PHILLIP
No, no. I loved you. I’ve always loved you and always will. How…no matter what has happened it was all for you my love.
BRANDY
(crying)
But those girls I
PHILLIP
A mere distraction. A little fun with the boys. You shouldn’t begrudge
BRANDY
(bawling her eyes out)
We can tell them. I’ll say I led you
PHILLIP
No no my love.
(nods to door #A)
It doesn’t actually matter that much.
BRANDY
(sniffing)
What are you saying.
PHILLIP
(takes Brandy’s hand)
I’m saying that it doesn’t matter that much. Not now.
BRANDY
Why Phillip? What
PHILLIP
I was leaving you anyway.
Brandy snatches her hand back.
BRANDY
Leaving me! What do you
Phillip takes Brandy’s hand back.
PHILLIP
D’you know they won’t let me smoke in here? I have to go out in the yard. Funny that it’s
BRANDY
It’s for the guards you silly not you
PHILLIP
And it’s too late for me I’m afraid.
BRANDY
What are you saying Phillip.
PHILLIP
That I’m for the high-jump anyway.
(nods to cigarettes on table)
They’ve got me.
BRANDY
They?
PHILLIP
The big-C. That’s why I pulled one last big job. To make sure you were alright when I’m…gone.
BRANDY
But the Doctors! We can get the best, did you get a second opinion? There must be something
PHILLIP
No mistake. The letter was very clear. It’s over for me my love. Anyway I did kill that poor guard so I suppose it’s fair.
BRANDY
(sobbing)
But I didn’t mean Oh God Phillip what have I done I didn’t
PHILLIP
Come on now girl. Be brave, be my brave
BRANDY
I did it. Oh forgive me I did it!
PHILLIP
What do you mean? I killed the poor
BRANDY
I wrote that letter! I found a sample on the Internet and copied it.
PHILLIP
You wrote…the letter? From the Doctor? You
BRANDY
Oh God. Yes, I did it! I thought that
Phillip sits back. A pause, then
PHILLIP
(ruefully)
Oh the jokes on me
(looks up)
you got me good this time big fellow. All the bad things I’ve done and you send me a letter telling me to kill myself.
A pair of guards step though door #A
GUARD #1
Monsieur Phillip we’re ready for you.
PHILLIP
Oh so soon! I wasn’t
Phillip turns to Brandy
PHILLIP
Well this is it old girl. I have loved you all my life. Je n’regret rien.
Phillip exits and door #A closes.
Brandy sits down, picks up a cigarette and lights it while staring defiantly at the glass window.
BRANDY
(makes a rude gesture at the window)
Fuck you Flics. Here’s to the merry widow with the loot.
(sits back and draws in a deep inhale)
And that’ll teach you to make a fool of me with your whores.
SHOT
Camera shot looking into the cell through the glass window. A hand reaches into shot and turns off an old fashioned reel-to-reel tape recorder.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Cannot post GIF/HTML/Paste or PDF. Query to support

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Jeremy Cooke.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Jeremy Cooke.

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Phillip has been sentenced to the guillotine for murder and is visited by Brandy, his wife. During a prison visit we learn Brandy set the whole thing up in revenge for Phillip’s philandering.

ESSENCE: Betrayal breeds betrayal.

SCENE
INT. DEATH CELL – DAY
The cell is painted in a light green colour. There is a glass panel on one side with a door #A on the opposite side with “Danger – trip hazard” stenciled in red on it. The cell has a small seating area and, in the corner, a small toilet area with a waist-high wall separating it from an unmade bed.
Brandy enters from door #B.

PHILLIP
(stands)
Brandy. I didn’t expect

Brandy moves over to the glass panel and checks her hair.

PHILLIP (cont’d)
to see you at this stage.
(gestures to seating)
Please join me. Did you bring the papers?

Bandy puts a bundle of papers on the table and Phillip leafs through them.
Phillip
(points)
Here’s a good one of you.

BRANDY
(cranes over)
Hmmm…my hair looks nice. Oh look there’s one of your floozies.

PHILLIP
May we please not rake over that again.
(gestures to cell)
It doesn’t seem to be neither the time nor place.

BRANDY
(continues leafing)
Well if you hadn’t screwed

PHILLIP
Please. I really don’t need this…not as my last memory. Us fighting.

BRANDY
Well just saying…you brought this on yourself. Will there be cameras outside do you think?

The guard brings in Phillip’s last meal then exits.

PHILLIP
Would you like some? I seem to have somewhat lost

BRANDY
(picks through the dishes)
What on earth did you order? Escargot de Bourgogne? Crepes? With a Moselle! Ugh! What were you

PHILLIP
I was distracted. When it came to ordering I somewhat lost my
(beat)

BRANDY
(nods to door #A)
I think that’s done through there.

They pick at the food and Phillip pours them both a glass of wine.

PHILLIP
Any news from L’Président?

BRANDY
(nods to glass window)
I think they’d mention it.

PHILLIP
Mmm…disgusting. Tell me for old times sake? I never quite knew how they found where I’d stashed the pistol.

BRANDY
Oh that’s easy! They followed me.

A guard enters and clears away the remains of the meal…

PHILLIP
Any news?
…leaving a pot of coffee and a few miniatures of brandy.

PHILLIP
Ah well.
(brightly)
no news is good news. Eh?

(beat)

PHILLIP (cont’d)
I do apologize. You were saying?

BRANDY
Les Flics knew everything. They were watching me. How they found out I don’t

PHILLIP
Ah…maybe I can answer that.

BRANDY
How?

PHILLIP
Well I tipped them off.

BRANDY
You! Why would

PHILLIP
I knew you had a solid alibi so I thought if I could use you to…ah…distract them, to confuse things, well that would give me time to slip away.

(beat)

BRANDY
You should have warned me.

PHILLIP
(chuckles)
I know what a good actress you are. I didn’t want to spoil your big moment.

BRANDY
I told them. They knew.

PHILLIP
Who?

BRANDY
The Flics. I told them.

PHILLIP
But why?

BRANDY
I thought you were setting me up. To take the blame.

PHILLIP
But to the pistol? They were supposed to follow you to were I’d stashed some of the cash. Not the pistol! Never! I’d never give them the evidence for…

BRANDY
I though you were trying to send me through
(nods to door #A)
there.

PHILLIP
No, no. I loved you. I’ve always loved you and always will. How…no matter what has happened it was all for you my love.

BRANDY
(crying)
But those girls I

PHILLIP
A mere distraction. Why

BRANDY
(bawling here eyes out)
We can tell them. I’ll say I led you

PHILLIP
No no my love.
(nods to door #A)
It doesn’t actually matter that much.

BRANDY
(sniffing)
What are you saying.

PHILLIP
(takes Brandy’s hand)
I’m saying that it doesn’t matter that much. Not now.

BRANDY
Why Phillip? What

PHILLIP
I was leaving you anyway.

Brandy snatches her hand back.

BRANDY
Leaving me! What do you

Phillip takes Brandy’s hand back.

PHILLIP
D’you know they won’t let me smoke in here? I have to go out in the yard. Funny that it’s

BRANDY
It’s for the guards you silly not you

PHILLIP
And it’s too late for me I’m afraid.

BRANDY
What are you saying Phillip.

PHILLIP
That I’m for the high-jump anyway.
(nods to cigarettes on table)
They’ve got me.

BRANDY
They?

PHILLIP
The big-C. That’s why I pulled one last big job. To make sure you were alright when I’m…gone.

BRANDY
But the Doctors! We can get the best, did you get a second opinion? There must be something

PHILLIP
No mistake. The letter was very clear. It’s over for me my love. Anyway I did kill that poor guard so I suppose it’s fair.

BRANDY
(sobbing)
But I didn’t mean Oh God Phillip what have I done I didn’t

PHILLIP
Come on now girl. Be brave, be my brave

BRANDY
I did it. Oh forgive me I did it!

PHILLIP
What do you mean? I killed the poor

BRANDY
I wrote that letter! I found a sample on the Internet and copied it.

PHILLIP
You wrote, the letter from the Doctor, you

BRANDY
Yes. Yes, it was me! I thought that

Phillip sits back. A pause, then

PHILLIP
(ruefully)
Oh the jokes on me
(looks up)
you got me good this time big fellow. All the bad things I’ve done and you send me a letter telling me to kill myself.

A pair of guards step though door #A

GUARD #1
Monsieur Phillip we’re ready for you.

PHILLIP
Oh so soon! I wasn’t

Phillip turns to Brandy

PHILLIP
Well this is it old girl. I have loved you all my life. Je n’regret rien.

Phillip exits and door #A closes.

Brandy sits down, picks up a cigarette and lights it while staring defiantly at the glass window.

BRANDY
Fuck you Flics. Here’s the merry widow with the loot. That’ll teach you to make a fool of me with your whores.

SHOT
Camera shot looking into the cell through the glass window. A hand reaches into shot and turns off an old fashioned reel-to-reel tape recorder.

[Jeremy Cooke]

What I learned doing this assignment is the amount of extra work that’s needed on characterization in serials.

DARREN

A. Situational: Hope / Fear: Hope: To have Linda back home and live a quiet normal life. Fear: Linda will find someone or some thing better and he’ll lose her.

B. Motivation: Want / Need: Wants: Linda to revert to be a content little housewife. Needs: to forge a partnership with Linda.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: Base: shame Mask: indifference

D. Weaknesses: Procrastination

E. Triggers: Mockery

F. Coping Mechanism: Alcohol

LINDA

A. Situational: Hope / Fear: Hope: to force the hidden powers to respect the “ordinary” people. Fears: that the big people will be too powerful to defeat.

B. Motivation: Want / Need: Wants: to destroy the people that have robbed, bullied, cheated her and hers. Needs: to win back her self-respect.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: Base: anger Mask: Christian values

D. Weaknesses: Won’t take advice

E. Triggers: Disrespect

F. Coping Mechanism: Control over others

WEE HENRY

A. Situational: Hope / Fear: Hope: to get rich with or without Linda. Fears: he’s doomed to remain a bottom feeder

B. Motivation: Want / Need: Wants: money and power. Needs: admiration of others

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: Base: poverty Mask: conspicuous consumption

D. Weaknesses: Low self respect

E. Triggers: Someone else has something he covets

F. Coping Mechanism: Showing off

ROARING CECIL

A. Situational: Hope / Fear: Hopes: to lead a powerful, well-attended church with a powerful voice in the community. Fears: the power of mammon is too much.

B. Motivation: Want / Need: Wants:power in the community to return the people to the righteous path. Needs: to rediscover his faith in God.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: Base: fear Mask: good living

D. Weaknesses: Loss of his faith

E. Triggers: Pride

F. Coping Mechanism: His status as a leader of his church

BIG HEAVY

A. Situational: Hope / Fear: Hopes: to get out alive. Fears: that he’s too old, too slow, and people are sharpening their knives for him.

B. Motivation: Want / Need: Wants: to be feared, the power. Needs: to give up gracefully and retire to his fishing.

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask: Base: fear Mask: fears nothing

D. Weaknesses: His health

E. Triggers: Fear

F. Coping Mechanism: Hurting people

</div>

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry’s Interest Scene

What I learned doing this assignment was story first, then speed draft, then redraft dialogue based on character traits

LOGLINE: Two enemies are negotiating a peace deal when one is killed leaving the other no-one to make peace with.
Essence: Jaw jaw comes before the end of war
Subtext: At the end of every war the only way you can make peace is with your enemy.

2. Structure Interest Techniques

Put in a More Interesting Setting

An hotel room in Whereveristan which is heavily patrolled by the authorities. We see flames outside and hear shooting then all falls silent.

Major Twist

News comes through that the authorities have agreed to a peace conference.

Suspense.

The revolution is over and the bad guys have won. The two leaders of the revolution meet to discuss how they are going to respond.

Surprise.

Ibdul argues the revolution is over and they have lost but they should hide their weapons and flee with the hope of returning.

Character changes radically: Pierre disagrees and suggests they issue an order for their side to dump arms even though Pierre was the one that had funded the small group of revolutionaries that Ibdul had founded.

Intrigue

Ibdul is arguing for the rebellion to end despite he being the one who had been the most ruthless of leaders and targeting civilians; the purpose of terror is to terrorise.

Dilemma

They can fight on despite certain defeat, or they will run away to fight another day.

Mislead

Ibdul always wondered what had inspired Pierre to finance the revolution. Where had the money come from? USA? Russia?

Pierre wondered how the government seemed to know their every move? How long had Ibdul been in touch with the government?

?Ibdul seeks to drown the people in blood to set the stage for further revolutions and then dump arms before fleeing leaving the government no-one to negotiate with?

Mystery

The government has won the war thanks to the information supplied by someone in the leadership – one of them.

Superior Position

Pierre points his pistol at Ibdul. No more bloodshed. His government is alarmed at being held responsible for what they started.

Dramatic Irony

Ibdul laughs – what is Pierre talking about? He is the one working for the government to expose the revolutionaries and allow the government to scoop them up.

Uncertainty — hope / fear

The protagonist and antagonist verbally joust for their respective positions.

Something unseen

The hotel room is bugged.

Major Twist

Government agents storm the hotel room and Ibdul is shot dead.

Reveal

The government want them both dead.

Cliffhanger

With Ibdul & Pierre dead who will order the insurgents to surrender?

The government don’t want to talk peace they want to win. The government agents shoot them both dead.

The sound of fighting outside grows.

Scene #1

A shabby hotel room somewhere hot. A ceiling fan whirls and blinds cover the windows. Outside we hear sounds of shooting, the rumble of armoured vehicles, explosions etc.

Crouched over a table with a transmitter wearing headphones.

IBDUL

Hello, hello are you hearing me?

Pierre enters the room and throws his sub-machine gun on the bed and grabs a pair of beers from the fridge before sitting down at the table.

PIERRE

What’s

Ibdul holds his hand up to Pierre

IBDUL

OK…do your best then fall back. Out.

Ibdul drags off the headphones. Pierre knocks the top of the beers and passes on to Ibdul.

IBDUL

Thanks.

PIERRE

De nada. So how goes the battle?

IBDUL

We’re fucked. We didn’t capture the armoury now we’re reduced to throwing rocks at them.

PIERRE

The Central Bank?

IBDUL

The same. We turn up and there’s an armoured battalion sitting there already. It’s almost like they were waiting for us.

PIERRE

So what’s the plan? Die bravely or run for the hills?

IBDUL

I’ve a funny feeling that there’s a shitload of nasty waiting for us to do that…we are as the great and soon to be late General Custer said “fucked”. Now if

Pierre raises his hand.

PIERRE

Sussh.

IBDUL

I don’t hear anything?

PIERRE

And that me old son is the point.

Pierre points to a bedside radio.

PIERRE

Does that thing work?

Ibdul shrugs. Pierre brings it to the table and twiddles.

RADIO

…ceasefire. The government is waiting for a response from the rebel leaders and

The power goes out and the radio fades. All is silent.

PIERRE

Saved by the bell?

Ibdul carefully looks out onto the street.

IBDUL

They can’t do that! They have to ask us!

Pierre points to the radio.

PIERRE

They just have.

IBDUL

(snaps)

Not like that. There are…formalities. When I was in Officer school we

PIERRE

I think the winners decide the rules. Anyway thoughts?

IBDUL

Dump weapons and fade back into the people. They will

PIERRE

For what purpose?

IBDUL

To continue the revolution of course. This

(he waves)

is a battle, a battle I did not choose to

PIERRE

Now hold on! The Central

IBDUL

I am the Central Committee and

PIERRE

Wasn’t I there? I thought

ABDUL

As an advisor. As a courtesy from

PIERRE

Courtesy? Who do you think bankrolled this little

IBDUL

D’you I’ve often wondered that myself.

(beat)

PIERRE

Let’s just put that to one side for now my

IBDUL

For now.

PIERRE

vote is to wrap things up and call it a day. The government

IBDUL

To be clear which government?

PIERRE

(hotly)

The fucking one parked outside with big fuck-off tanks! That one! You’ve made your point! Now we have to wind this down before there’s a bloodbath which

IBDUL

May embarrass your government since it would come out that you’d stirred the whole mess in the

PIERRE

Hey, hey. It takes two to tango. We I never approved your targeting civilians.

IBDUL

To you think this is a game? The purpose of terror is to terrorise. We

PIERRE

U…no. There is no “we” here. We, I mean I, never

UBDUL

I’ve often wondered who you actually work for? The US, the Russians, some Hedge Fund?

PIERRE

Leave it. We have to decide

IBDUL

It is my curse and my destiny to decide for my people. They have

PIERRE

OK Mister Big Shot what have you decided?

IBDUL

I’ve decided I want to know how they were waiting for us? Every move we made there just happened to be someone sitting on the square. As though someone wanted us to go so far but no further.

PIERRE

Does it matter?

Pierre points to transmitter.

PIERRE

So what’s your answer?

IBDUL

My people will not forgive me if I stop now. We have shed so much blood for our freedom. We will make one last sacrifice then hide in the souks, the villages, with the people and

PIERRE

Oh for fucks sake!

IBDUL

(angry)

What! I was

PIERRE

It was fucking you! You tipped them off! This is your blood sacrifice!

Pierre snatches his pistol and points it at Ibdul.

PIERRE

Oh no. This has to end. It’s all gone too

IBDUL

Don’t you see. If we disappear they’ll have no-one to negotiate with. They be like how do you say the dog that caught a car?

IBDUL (cont’d)

You were never our friend. You just wanted us as a stick to beat the government with until they bent to your will.

PIERRE

I told them you were too bright.

Pierre shoots Ibdul between the eyes.

The door burst open and armed men storm in.

Pierre drops the pistol and falls to his knees with his hands clasped behind his neck.

PIERRE (cont’d)

Flamingo! Flamingo! Don’t shoot! Flamingo!

AGENT

You’re Flamingo? We’ve been listening to you. You’re the one that wants to give the order for the Rebels to surrender?

PIERRE

Yes, yes.

Pierre rises to his feet and moves to the transmitter.

PIERRE

Gentlemen if I may bring the curtain down now?

AGENT

Just when we’ve got the bastards between a rock and a hard place? I don’t think so.

PIERRE

Hey! My government

The Agent shoots Pierre between the eyes.

AGENT

Has asked my government to tidy up any loose ends.

The sound of fighting outside grows.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment is that character development is more important for BWT than it is for other types of screenplays.

ASSIGNMENT M1_A#4.2

“Running Towards The Light” s1

Journey: From housewife in backstreet Belfast to the real power in the City.

Darren
Traits: Bully, drunk, genial, lazy
Role in the show: Linda’s husband
Hidden Agenda: He’s going to be the head of the household again
Competition: Who’s boss with Linda
Who’s the husband with Wee Henry.
Conspiracies: With Big Heavy to undermine Linda.
Roaring Cecil to do down Wee Henry.
Secrets: It was Wee Henry that talked Mike into joining the Army.
Deception: That he doesn’t know that Linda and Wee Henry had a fling and Karen was the result.
Wound: He’s regarded as a bit drunk joke
Secret Identity: Linda’s enemy
Subtext: Darren wants to be respected but without the work.

Linda, 38 yo
Traits: Kind, honest, out for revenge, ruthless
Role in the show: The little person beating her so-called betters
Hidden Agenda: She’s going to stamp out the crooks, the paramilitaries, the rotten heart of the city and clean it up.
Competition: All her life Darren has treated her as a doormat – now she’ll show him who’s the better man.
Conspiracies: With Roaring Cecil and Wee Henry to undermine Big Heavy
Secrets: Darren is impotent.
Deception: That she’s doing all this in the name of the Lord.
Wound: An angry ambitious war lord who will use any method to get her way
Secret Identity: An angry ambitious war lord who will use any method to get her way
Subtext: Linda is tired of being a punchbag.

Wee Henry, 35 yo
Traits: Dishonest, self-centred, clever, cynical
Role in the show: Linda’s lover, maybe, but also her guide to the brown envelopes, the back-door deals that grease the city.
Hidden Agenda: At the start it’s to get inside her pants, but then it becomes using her to make a fortune.
Competition: Big Heavy has treated Wee Henry like shite all his life. Now he’ll use Linda to pull him down, to ruin him.
Conspiracies: With Linda to undermine Big Heavy.
With Big Heavy to defeat Linda.
Secrets:He is Karen’s dad.
Deception: He allows Darren to think he’s his best friend
Wound: Bullied & belittled all his life.
Secret Identity: Utterly amoral.
He only shagged Linda because Darren beat him at cards.
Subtext: If he could only get a chance he’d show them.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was that DCR is a very powerful method for adding depth and layers to scenes that may otherwise run a bit flat and also good for planting the gun.

LOGLINE: The housemaid is complaining about the amount of sand being tracked though the house and is accusing everybody of not changing their boots when they come indoors.

A) Reveals on a Plot Level
• The Doctor is experimenting with babies
• Charlie is spying on the Doctor
• The Cook is aware of the Doctor’s experiments
• The Cook has been watching Charlie
B) Reveals on a Character Level
• The Doctor/Cook knows to bide their time
• Charlie is out for himself
• Emma doesn’t want to believe Charlie
C) Reveals on a Situation Level
• The Cook covers up for the Doctor
• The Doctor is vulnerable to blackmail
• Charlie knows that the Doctor still has the whip-hand.
Scene #1
Demand #1: Charlie discovers the Doctor’s secret.
Cover up #1: Charlie doesn’t know the Cook has also been watching him.
Reveal #1: Charlie is being watched.

Scene #?
Demand #2: The Doctor is being blackmailed by Charlie
Cover up #2: The Doctor helps get Charlie a job
Reveal #3: The Cook warns the Doctor he is harbouring a viper

Scene #??
Demand #3: Charlie is blackmailing the Doctor
Cover up #3: When Charlie is injured the Doctor insists on bringing him home for treatment.
Reveal #3: The Doctor (or Cook) murders Charlie.
Scene #1
INT. DOCTOR’S STUDY – DAY
Hammering at the Doctor’s door.
GROOM (O.S.)
Come quick Doctor! There’s been a terrible accident at the loading pier!
The Doctor emerges from behind the thick heavy curtain behind his desk and quickly unlocks his study door. He is wearing his slippers
DOCTOR
Right, right.
The Doctor grabs his bag. The Cook comes in.
COOK
Your boots.
The Doctor grumbles as he puts on his boots then looks around.
COOK
I’ll have a nice pie ready for your dinner
DOCTOR
Oh…ah what sort
COOK
Your favourite.
The Doctor hesitates.
DOCTOR
Let me just check
The Groom enters.
GROOM
I have the jaunty round the front in case you need to move your patients Doctor.
DOCTOR
Right then I’ll
COOK
Go on then. I’ll tidy up.
The Study is now empty.
(beat)
The door slowly opens and Charlie peers in. Slowly with a backward glance Charlie enters the study and quietly closes the door behind him.
Charlie wanders about the room. From a desk drawer he finds some money and pockets a few notes. Then his attention is drawn to the curtain – he looks behind it and sees a door – it is slightly ajar.
Charlie slips through…into a small laboratory with rows of specimens in jars on shelves. Charlie moves amongst them – some fascinate him, some horrify him. A shelf of small babies in alcohol draw his attention. Charlie studies them…he taps a glass jar and suddenly a baby opens it’s eyes. Terrified Charlie flees the room.
(very short beat)
The Cook enters the study and straight though to the laboratory.
(beat)
She exits the laboratory and locks the door behind her before checking the drawer with money in it. She takes it out and counts it before returning it then leaves the study closing the door behind her.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry’s Character Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment was the importance of developing the character traits in identifying relationships, sources of both conflict and ally-ship, amongst the players.

Doctor: Generous, educated, reckless, liberal.

Sub-text: It’s easy to earn hated when you’re the best.

Cook: Deceptive, possessive, revenge-oriented, cautious

Sub-text: The Cook knows enough to pick her battles.

Emma: Kind, insecure, poorly educated, formal.

Sub-text: being nice and stupid isn’t a recipe for success.

Miss Delacherois: Educated, shallow, snobbish, cruel.

Sub-text: She may be a bitch but she’s top bitch around here.

Doctor/Cook

The Doctor’s ambitious and reckless nature will cause conflict with the Cook’s more cautious nature.

The Cook’s revenge trait may conflict with the newcomer Emma’s insecurity.

Doctor/Emma

Emma is a good foil for the Doctor’s generous nature and her poor education will allow him to show off.

Emma has lost one husband and her security. A country Doctor may enable her to gain security for herself and Charlie despite the competition from Miss Delacherois.

Doctor/Miss Delacherois

The Doctor will see a potential rapport with Miss Delacherois in his ambition to climb in society however it may lead to conflict when he realizes that Miss Delacherois is after much the same from him.

Miss Delacherois’s shallow nature and cruelty towards her inferiors will conflict with the Doctor’s generous and liberal nature.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is the more you flesh out your characters the more likely it is that they will take on a life of their own”.

ASSIGNMENT M1_A#3.1

GoT s1e1: Ned Stark

A. Role in the show: The good man, pillar of nobility.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: His purpose is the defend the King – both in war, which he is good at, and in peace at which he is less good at.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? The heir and successor to the King. Who will rule after Robert?
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? For all his fine words he finds himself drawn into intrigue over the King’s bastard son.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? What will Ned do as he’s drawn more and more into the world of court politics? Who will he listen to? Ally with?
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? he is a good man and true to his oath but slightly naive as to the ways at court.

ASSIGNMENT M1_A#3.2

“Running Towards The Light” s1

Journey: From housewife in backstreet Belfast to the real power in the City.

Characters that sell: Linda & Wee Henry

LINDA, 38 yo, is determined to reintroduce God to the heathens and put a moral backbone back into the City.

A. Role in the show:The little person beating her so-called betters
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:She knows people. She’s had to convince others to do what she wants without them realizing.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? Linda balls up her anger, her hate into a small little ball and keeps it nice and safe, until she needs it.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? People will get hurt, will lose everything but Linda will do her best to ensure they, in her eyes, deserve it.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Whatever it takes to revenge the little people.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? She’s spent her life being looked down to, being talked down to. Her and her class are the new helots in Neo-liberal Belfast and it’s their time to be in the sun.

WEE HENRY, 35yo, small time property developer and Linda’s guide into a new world.

A. Role in the show:Linda’s lover, maybe, but her guide to the brown envelopes, the back-door deals that grease the city.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: A dirty little mover and shaker with the emphasis on little. Scorned by the big guys he’ll show Linda how to take her revenge.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? He loves Linda but if it comes to a choice between her and the cash the money wins.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Any and all – as long as he doesn’t get caught then anything’s on.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? He could betray anyone including Linda. Wee Henry comes first and only first and he’s had a lifetime scrabbling for crumbs from tables he’s not invited to.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Because we hate those he hates, we envy those he envies. Think of Better Call Saul.

[Jeremy Cooke]

ASSIGNMENT 2:

What I learned doing this assignment is the need to know your characters and have an outline of the cast. You may not use them, or you may need to introduce more but have them sitting there ready before you start.

1. Create the three circles of characters for your show.

A. Main Characters Circle:

DARREN ,41 yo, is a big lad; he was a big lad at school and used it to take life easy. Who needs to work when there’s lunch money to harvest from the smaller kids ? Who needs to work when there’s an easy job in the shipyard with his Da ? Well the world’s changed and easy street with it – now Darren’s fat, forty and drives a taxi.

LINDA, 38 yo, is Darren’s wife. A slightly built pretty girl she and Darren were childhood sweethearts. It sounds better that way instead of saying that the big lummox got her in the family way and her father insisted that he did the right thing. They lost the baby but she found God – it helps her cope at night when she thinks about her wee boy dying in Iraq and Wee Henry and how things could have been different.

BILLY, 22 yo, son was killed serving in Iraq and broke his parents’ hearts. Linda has found God and Darren’s found the bottle, but they know they can’t bring him back.

AARON, 23 yo, son is a thief, a druggie, a waste of skin.

KAREN is DARREN and LINDA’S 15 yo daughter and the apple of their eye. She’s a bit on the chubby side but hopefully she’ll grow out off it.

B. Connected Circle:

WEE HENRY’S the only friend Darren has and Darren’s the only friend Wee Henry has so neither won first prize there either. They both went to school together and they’ve both disappointed themselves, and everybody else, ever since. He’s always had a bit of a crush on Linda mind but he and Darren – well they’re best mates aren’t they?

EVIL BILLY is some sort of cousin. Well that’s what Wee Henry claims. In truth Evil Billy is the illegitimate son of Wee Henry’s youngest sister, LIL THE BIKE. Who’s the Da well who knows – but sometimes Darren looks at the boy and has stirrings of a half memory of a half cut Christmas party at Wee Henry’s many years ago when the world was young ?

ROARING CECIL is a handsome young preacher man. He’s about 28 yo and dark and probably quite mad. He’s a sinner, we’re all sinners, all dammed and he spends the hours on his knees howling for salvation alone in his tin hut. His Ma ran a corner shop but she’s long dead and gone so he got a few bob there – enough to buy the Temple and a nice new preacher’s suit – but the knees are looking a bit threadbare now – really really could be a good looking boy if he tried.

C. Environment Circle:

police; politicians, paramilitaries, developers, press & TV, planners, bankers

[Jeremy Cooke]

GoT s1

A. Main Characters Circle: Eddard “Ned” & Catelyn Stark, Bran Stark, Tyrion Lannister, Tywin Lannister

B. Connected Circle: Jamie & Cersei Lannister, Maester Luwin, Daenerys Targaryen, Jon Snow, Joffrey Baratheon, Khal Drogo, Sansa Stark, Arya Stark, Robb Stark, Theon Greyjoy, Rast, Varys, Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish, Grand Maester Pycelle, Samwell Tarly,

C. Environment Circle: Robert Baratheon, Jorah Mormont, Viserys Targaryen, Sandor “The Hound” Clegane, Jory Cassel, Rodrik Cassel, Benjen Stark, Illyrio Mopatis, Qotho, Ros, Septa Mordane, Will, Jon Arryn, Waymar Royce, Gared, Rickon Stark, Tommen Baratheon, Myrcella Baratheon, Hodor, Ilyn Payne, Jeor Mormont, Alliser Thorne, Barristan Selmy, Renly Baratheon, Maester Aemon, Syrio Forel, Old Nan, Bronn, Janos Slynt, Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane, Lysa Arryn, et al.

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Two office workers compete for promotion.
ESSENCE: Experience beats brains.
TRAIT YOU CHANGED: RENEE Outgoing → Calculating
SCENE:
————————-Begin Scene Description—————
SITUATION: One person promises the other that they kept the secret, but really didn’t.
SCENE ARC:
From: The promise confirmed
to: the other person discovering the secret is out.
RENEE: Prissy, Devious, Calculating, Conformist
Subtext: Renee is a calculating person who knows how to play the Corporate game.
MAXINE: Tricky, Snobbish, Paranoid, Emotionally Wounded
Subtext: Maxine is a tricky woman who plots to get what she wants.
————————-End Scene Description—————

Maxine storms into the office throwing her bag on the floor.
MAXINE
Merde! I didn’t get that Regional Sales job I put in for!

RENEE
La la. Never mind you’re young. You’ve plenty of time. You’ve only been here what six months? It was two years before I got my first promotion.

MAXINE
Oh don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud! Things move faster nowadays. Anyway if I don’t make that jump now I’ll be stuck in this dingy office with you. I’ll get left behind and end up a glorified PA!

RENEE
Keep your nose clean and who knows? The work’s

MAXINE
Boring! Boring! I don’t have

RENEE
Of course you do…plenty of time. Anyway that’s what you’re paid for.

MAXINE
This? A job for a drone…the little people.

Maxine starts typing on her computer.
MAXINE
Let’s see what that old queutard Dupont is up to. Ah ha! That’ll do me.

RENEE
Monsieur Dupont! What are you up to?

Maxine types on the keyboard.
MAXINE
And done. There. Dupont’s away to a conference in Copenhagen this weekend and they were looking for someone to carry his bags so I’ve booked myself

RENEE
M Dupont is a married man!

MAXINE
is no doubt in need of a good shagging and I’m the very girl. Once he’s taken advantage of me, if he can manage that, he’ll have to give me that promotion or well who knows. This time I’ll get something out off it. That old goat

RENEE
M Dupont was such a good looking man in his younger days and he still cuts a fine figure…very distinguished. I remember

MAXINE
Well he needs a younger woman on his arm not some shrivelled up old hag like Mme. Dupont. Have you seen her?

Renee busies herself with working on her computer.
RENEE
Helen is still very graceful and very kind to all the staff. At the wedding the Chairman gave the most beautiful

MAXINE
La la. Have you got a crush on the old goat? In my experience

RENEE (cont’d)
(firmly)
I could always tell he was destined for the very top.

MAXINE (cont’d)
Oh! You have.

RENEE
I think you’ll find the staff handbook is very clear on office romances. In my opinion you’d be most unwise to

MAXINE
Oh don’t be such a fuddy-duddy. What happens at conference stays at conference…as long as certain people know what’s good for them. Anyway if I don’t one of those other young bitches will. Have you seen the way some of them dress – everything on show? Little sluts!

Maxine looks at her computer
MAXINE (cont’d)
What’s keeping that old trout? She’d better not be shooting her mouth off. All she has to do is arrange a few tickets! Was she planning a dirty trip away with him herself?

RENEE
Marion has been M Dupont’s secretary for a long time and no I don’t think so. She and I joined this company at the same time and she’s always conducted herself with the utmost respect for M Dupont.

MAXINE
(laughs)
I was only joking! That garce must the same age as…the very thought is ridiculous…Eweee what an ick!

A knock at the door and two envelopes are handed over. Maxine seizes one and opens it.

MAXINE
That was quick. Maybe she’s not so bad. Le Grande! Two suites! Adjoining! That’s

RENEE
The wrong envelope I think. Look at the name on the ticket.

Renee hands the other envelope to Maxine and takes the first.

MAXINE
But…but that was

RENEE
My name, yes.

Maxine tears open the second envelope.
MAXINE
Where the fuck! Birmingham, England! L’Eurotel! What the fuck is that! And where is Birmingham? What do they even eat there?

Maxine crumples up the itinerary and throws it across the room.

MAXINE (cont’d)
You did this! You and that cow! You

RENEE
Have been in this company a lot longer than you. I didn’t get to go on my first overseas business trip until I’d been here two years – just before I got my first promotion in fact.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Game of Thrones s1e1 5 Star Model

1. Big Picture Hooks
A exiled 20-yo and her useless brother seek to conquer the Five Kingdoms

Will an honest man survive the court politics

2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
The girl and her brother are living on the charity of strangers without power, money, or an army.

Will naivety and honour be enough

3. Empathy / Distress
That she is being sold by her brother in exchange for assistance in conquering the Five Kingdoms.

That Ned is not able to overcome Robert’s enemies

4. Layers / Open Loops
What will happen to the girl? How will she be treated by her new husband? How will her brother’s arrogance and stupidity harm their cause? Will she gain agency in this world?

How will Sansa and Arya survive. Will the North have it’s revenge.

5. Inviting Obsession
What will her fate be? Will she find her dragons? Will she get her army?

Will justice win through or will the evil Lannisters defeat the forces of good.

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Two office workers compete for promotion.
ESSENCE: Experience beats brains.
TRAIT YOU CHANGED: RENEE Outgoing → Calculating

SCENE:
————————-Begin Scene Description—————
SITUATION: One person promises the other that they kept the secret, but really didn’t.
SCENE ARC: From: The promise confirmed to: the other person discovering the secret is out.
RENEE: Prissy, Devious, Calculating, Conformist
Subtext: Renee is a calculating person who knows how to play the Corporate game.

MAXINE: Tricky, Snobbish, Paranoid, Emotionally Wounded
Subtext: Maxine is a tricky woman who plots to get what she wants.

————————-End Scene Description—————

Maxine storms into the office throwing her bag on the floor.
MAXINE
Merde! I didn’t get that Regional Sales job I put in for!

RENEE
La la. Never mind you’re young. You’ve plenty of time. You’ve only been here what six months? It was two years before I got my first promotion.

MAXINE
Oh don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud! Things move faster nowadays. Anyway if I don’t make that jump now I’ll be stuck in this dingy office with you. I’ll end up a glorified PA!

RENEE
It’s not so bad here. The work’s

MAXINE
Boring! Boring! I don’t have

RENEE
You do…years and years. Anyway you’ve no choice.

MAXINE
Don’t I?

Maxine starts typing on her computer.
MAXINE
Let’s see what that old queutard Dupont is up to. Ah ha! That’ll do me.

RENEE
Monsieur Dupont! What are you up to?

Maxine types on the keyboard.
MAXINE
And done. There. Dupont’s away to a conference in Copenhagen this weekend and they were looking for someone to carry his bags so I’ve booked myself

RENEE
M Dupont is a married man and

MAXINE
is no doubt in need of a good shagging and I’m the very girl. Once he’s taken advantage of me, if he can manage that, he’ll have to give me that promotion or well who knows. I’ve seen that game before. That old goat

RENEE
M Dupont was such a good looking man in his younger days and he still cuts a fine figure…very distinguished.

MAXINE
Well he needs a younger woman on his arm not some shriveled up old hag like Mme. Dupont. Have you seen her?

Renee busies herself with working on her computer.
RENEE
Helen is still very graceful and very kind to all the staff. Anyway from I first met him

MAXINE
La la. Have you got a crush on the old goat?

RENEE (cont’d)
I could tell he was destined for the very top.

MAXINE (cont’d)
Oh! You have.

RENEE
I think you’ll find the staff handbook is very clear on office romances…most improper.

MAXINE
Oh don’t be such a fuddy-duddy. What happens at conference stays at conference…as long as certain people know what’s good for them.

Maxine looks at her computer
MAXINE (cont’d)
What’s keeping that old trout? All she has to do is arrange a few tickets! Was she planning a dirty trip away with him herself?

RENEE
Marion has been M Dupont’s secretary for a long time and no I don’t think so. She and I joined this company at the same time and she’s always conducted herself with the utmost respect for M Dupont.

MAXINE
(laughs)
I was only joking! That garce must the same age as – the very thought is ridiculous.

A knock at the door and two envelopes are handed over. Maxine seizes one and opens it.

MAXINE
That was quick. Maybe she’s not so bad. Le Grande! Two suites! Adjoining! That’s

RENEE
The wrong envelope I think. Look at the name on the ticket.

Renee hands the other envelope to Maxine and takes the first.

MAXINE
But…but that was

RENEE
My name, yes.

Maxine tears open the second envelope.
MAXINE
Where the fuck! Birmingham, England! The Eurotel! Where is Birmingham? What do they even eat there?

Maxine crumples up the itinerary and throws it across the room.

MAXINE (cont’d)
You did this! You and that cow! You

RENEE
Have been in this company a lot longer than you. I didn’t get to go on my first overseas business trip until I’d been here two years – just before I got my first promotion in fact.

[Jeremy Cooke]

1. Jerry

2. Half a dozen or so but nothing produced.

3. A BR script and Bible, and the knowledge of how to move them forward.

4. I can roll my eyes independently, but probably shouldn’t.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I, Jeremy Cooke, agree to the terms of this release form.

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Two reluctant partners are teamed together to do a job.
ESSENCE: Partners pulling in different directions will end badly
INTERESTING SITUATIONS: defuse a bomb; paint a room; stop a leak in a submarine/nuclear reactor; land an aeroplane; pitch a tent; escape zombies; trapped in a flooding mine.

INT. FLOODED MINE SHAFT, PUMP HOUSE
INTERCOM
Surface here. Who’s in charge down there?
NANCY
(quickly)
That’ll be me.
SQUIRE
I thought I
NANCY
(firmly)
Me!
SQUIRE
(beat)
Yeah whatever.
NANCY
Do you have a problem with that? Wait a minute have you put in?
SQUIRE
Not really my bag.
NANCY
You bloody well have, haven’t you!
INTERCOM
We can’t get through. You’ll have to identify the source and
The lights flicker and go out. Dim emergency lights come on casting a weak glow. Squire twiddles with the knobs on the speaker then hits it a blow.
SQUIRE
Cheap fucks haven’t maintained the back-up battery. Nope I’m fine. So what’s the plan…boss?
NANCY
We need
SQUIRE
We need to close that valve before we drown. I’d guess at the rate the water’s rising we’ve got about thirty minutes tops.
NANCY
I’d say longer…maybe an hour.
SQUIRE
Whatever. Do you want me to clear some of the debris away so that we can see what we’ve got?
NANCY
Exactly. Let’s go.
Nancy and Squire start man-handling fallen debris. Squire climbs up on a large piece to reach smaller pieces.
NANCY
Be careful. That lot looks unstable.
SQUIRE
(grins)
If it falls on top of me I’ll sure you’ll rescue me.
NANCY
I don’t want to have to rescue you.
SQUIRE
Pity…I was looking forwards to a bit of mouth-to-mouth.
Nancy takes hold of the largest remaining piece wrestles the last bit free.
SQUIRE
Wait it’s heavy. Let
NANCY
I can do it!
SQUIRE
I know but
Squire reaches out to take a grip of the load.
NANCY
(struggling)
I told you I can do it!
SQUIRE
(admiringly)
I know you can girl but
Nancy slams the debris to the ground narrowly missing Squire’s foot. He jumps aside.
NANCY
(gasps)
There I told you.
Squire is down on the ground looking at a gap in the debris.
SQUIRE
You know I reckon I could
Nancy pushes Squire aside.
NANCY
Let me see.
Nancy wriggles a little way in.
NANCY (cont’d)
I can see the valve panel and
SQUIRE
And just beside it the elevator! Let me
NANCY
Oh no Jose…as soon as you get there you’ll be away back to the surface like Flynn and leave me to
SQUIRE
No way. It’s just…can you turn the valve?
NANCY
I’m in charge! You heard the man! Give me that spanner!
Squire hands Nancy the spanner.
SQUIRE
It was a robot.
NANCY
Well yes…but a senior robot.
Nancy starts wriggling down the narrow passage.
NANCY
Watch me.
SQUIRE
Mmmm…I am.
Nancy wriggles back and stands.
NANCY
Were you looking at my arse?
SQUIRE
I couldn’t really help it.
NANCY
I order you not to look at my arse.
SQUIRE
I can’t really not if you go first.
NANCY
Right…well I order you to go first.
SQUIRE
That’s what
NANCY
Don’t you backchat me. Get in there…now.
SQUIRE
Yes Maam.
Squire squeezes himself into the gap. The debris pile shudders and shifts as he wriggles his way deeper. He stops.
SQUIRE
I’m stuck.
NANCY
Stop fecking around. This water’s quicker than I thought. Soon we’ll not be able to use the tunnel unless you want to grow gills.
SQUIRE
No seriously
NANCY
I order you to come back.
Squire squirms a bit more.
SQUIRE
Nope it’s settled behind me I
NANCY
(furiously)
That’s your big fat arse. Get back here before you drown!
SQUIRE
Hey! I don’t
NANCY
Well go forward then.
Squire struggles the debris pile shifts again.
SQUIRE
(grunting)
Nope…I…can’t. It’s settling behind me.
NANCY
You can. Just stop the flow and we’ll figure the rest out later. Go on!
SQUIRE
But you’ll be struck?
NANCY
I’m already stuck here. Stop the bloody flow or we’ll both die. We can sort the rest out later.
SQUIRE
(pause)
You’re right.
Squire gives a wriggle, a squirm, and as the debris pile closes behind him he pops free.
SQUIRE
I’m out. I’m by the panel. Where’s the spanner?
NANCY
(weakly)
Here.
SQUIRE
Where!
NANCY
Here…I forgot.
The sound of the elevator doors opening and closing then…the sound of water rising.
Nancy sits down in the water. It’s over her waist when she sits.
NANCY
Fuck this. I’m toast

The sound of the elevator returning on the other side of the debris field causes Nancy to sit up – then the sound stops and the lights flicker.

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Two reluctant partners are teamed together to do a job.
ESSENCE: Partners pulling in different directions will end badly
INTERESTING SITUATIONS: defuse a bomb; paint a room; stop a leak in a submarine/nuclear reactor; land an aeroplane; pitch a tent; escape zombies; trapped in a flooding mine.

INT. FLOODED MINE SHAFT, PUMP HOUSE

INTERCOM
Surface here. Who’s in charge down there?

NANCY
(quickly)
That’ll be me.

SQUIRE
I thought I

NANCY
(firmly)
Me!

SQUIRE
(beat)
Yeah whatever.

NANCY
Do you have a problem with that? Wait a minute have you put in?

SQUIRE
Not really my bag.

NANCY
You bloody well have, haven’t you!

INTERCOM
We can’t get through. You’ll have to identify the source and

The lights flicker and go out. Dim emergency lights come on casting a weak glow. Squire twiddles with the knobs on the speaker then hits it a blow.

SQUIRE
Cheap fucks haven’t maintained the back-up battery. Nope I’m fine. So what’s the plan…boss?

NANCY
We need

SQUIRE
We need to close that valve before we drown. I’d guess at the rate the water’s rising we’ve got about thirty minutes tops.

NANCY
I’d say longer…maybe an hour.

SQUIRE
Whatever. Do you want me to clear some of the debris away so that we can see what we’ve got?

NANCY
Exactly. Let’s go.

Nancy and Squire start man-handling fallen debris. Squire climbs up on a large piece to reach smaller pieces.

NANCY
Be careful. That lot looks unstable.

SQUIRE
(grins)
If it falls on top of me I’ll sure you’ll rescue me.

NANCY
I don’t want to have to rescue you.

SQUIRE
Pity…I was looking forwards to a bit of mouth-to-mouth.

Nancy takes hold of the largest remaining piece wrestles the last bit free.

SQUIRE
Wait it’s heavy. Let

NANCY
I can do it!

SQUIRE
I know but

Squire reaches out to take a grip of the load.

NANCY
(struggling)
I told you I can do it!

SQUIRE
(admiringly)
I know you can girl but

Nancy slams the debris to the ground narrowly missing Squire’s foot. He jumps aside.

NANCY
(gasps)
There I told you.

Squire is down on the ground looking at a gap in the debris.

SQUIRE
You know I reckon I could

Nancy pushes Squire aside.

NANCY
Let me see.
Nancy wriggles a little way in.

NANCY (cont’d)
I can see the valve panel and

SQUIRE
And just beside it the elevator! Let me

NANCY
Oh no Jose…as soon as you get there you’ll be away back to the surface like Flynn and leave me to

SQUIRE
No way. It’s just…can you turn the valve?

NANCY
I’m in charge! You heard the man! Give me that spanner!

Squire hands Nancy the spanner.

SQUIRE
It was a robot.

NANCY
Well yes…but a senior robot.

Nancy starts wriggling down the narrow passage.

NANCY
Watch me.

SQUIRE
Mmmm…I am.

Nancy wriggles back and stands.

NANCY
Were you looking at my arse?

SQUIRE
I couldn’t really help it.

NANCY
I order you not to look at my arse.

SQUIRE
I can’t really not if you go first.

NANCY
Right…well I order you to go first.

SQUIRE
That’s what

NANCY
Don’t you backchat me. Get in there…now.

SQUIRE
Yes Maam.

Squire squeezes himself into the gap. The debris pile shudders and shifts as he wriggles his way deeper. He stops.

SQUIRE
I’m stuck.

NANCY
Stop fecking around. This water’s quicker than I thought. Soon we’ll not be able to use the tunnel unless you want to grow gills.

SQUIRE
No seriously

NANCY
I order you to come back.

Squire squirms a bit more.

SQUIRE
Nope it’s settled behind me I

NANCY
(furiously)
That’s your big fat arse. Get back here before you drown!

SQUIRE
Hey! I don’t

NANCY
Well go forward then.

Squire struggles the debris pile shifts again.

SQUIRE
(grunting)
Nope…I…can’t. It’s settling behind me.

NANCY
You can. Just stop the flow and we’ll figure the rest out later. Go on!

SQUIRE
But you’ll be struck?

NANCY
I’m already stuck here. Stop the bloody flow or we’ll both die. We can sort the rest out later.

SQUIRE
(pause)
You’re right.

Squire gives a wriggle, a squirm, and as the debris pile closes behind him he pops free.

SQUIRE
I’m out. I’m by the panel. Where’s the spanner?

NANCY
(weakly)
Here.

SQUIRE
Where!

NANCY
Here…I forgot.

The sound of the elevator doors opening and closing then…the sound of water rising.

Nancy sits down in the water. It’s over her waist when she sits.

NANCY
Fuck this. I’m toast

———–Optional happy ending——————-
The sound of the elevator returning on the other side of the debis field. We hear the cage door opening and Squire exits holding a walky-talky.

SQUIRE
(to walky-talky)
Steady…down…stop…down on that…slow slow.

Squire guides a large diameter hose out of the lift shaft and pulls it out of the cage before it settles in the water.

SQUIRE
(to walky-talky)
OK fire it up…yip it’s drawing…keep it lit.

Squire takes a spanner out of the cage and closes the valve. The sound of water flowing falls silent.

SQUIRE (cont’d)
Nancy, Nancy!

NANCY
Squire! Squire is that you?

SQUIRE
All sorted. Water’s off and we’ll soon get you out…oh and Nancy.

NANCY
What?

SQUIRE
I got that promotion.

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Two reluctant partners are teamed together to do a job.
ESSENCE: Partners pulling in different directions will end badly
INTERESTING SITUATIONS: defuse a bomb; paint a room; stop a leak in a submarine/nuclear reactor; land an aeroplane; pitch a tent; escape zombies; trapped in a flooding mine.

INT. FLOODED MINE SHAFT, PUMP HOUSE

INTERCOM
Surface here. We can’t get through. You’ll have to close it down yourselves. Who’s in charge down there?

NANCY
(quickly)
That’ll be me.

SQUIRE
I thought I

NANCY
(firmly)
Me!

SQUIRE
(beat)
Yeah whatever.

NANCY
Do you have a problem with that?

SQUIRE
Nope I’m fine. So what’s the plan…boss?

NANCY
We need

SQUIRE
Do you want me to clear some of the debris away so that you can see what we’ve got?

NANCY
Exactly. Let’s go.

Nancy and Squire start man-handling fallen debris. Squire climbs up on a large piece to reach smaller pieces.

NANCY
Be careful. That lot looks unstable.

SQUIRE
(grins)
If it falls on top of me I’ll sure you’ll rescue me.

NANCY
I don’t want to have to rescue you.

SQUIRE
Pity…I was looking forwards to a bit of mouth-to-mouth.

Squire wrestles the last bit free.

SQUIRE
Wait it’s heavy. Let

NANCY
I can do it!

SQUIRE
I know but

Squire reaches out to take a grip of the load.

NANCY
(struggling)
I told you I can do it!

SQUIRE
(admiringly)
I know you can girl but

Nancy slams the debris to the ground narrowly missing Squire’s foot. He jumps aside.

NANCY
(gasps)
There I told you.

Squire is down on the ground looking at a gap in the debris.

SQUIRE
You know I reckon I could

Nancy pushes Squire aside.
NANCY
Let me see.
Nancy wriggles a little way in.

NANCY (cont’d)
I can see the valve panel and

SQUIRE
And just beside it the elevator! Let me

NANCY
Oh no Jose…as soon as you get there you’ll be away back to the surface like Flynn and leave

SQUIRE
No way. It’s just…can you turn the valve?

NANCY
I’m in charge! You heard the man! Give me that spanner!

Squire hands Nancy the spanner.

SQUIRE
It was a robot.

NANCY
Well yes…but a senior robot.

Nancy starts wriggling down the narrow passage.

NANCY
Watch me.

SQUIRE
Mmmm…I am.

Nancy wriggles back and stands.

NANCY
Were you looking at my arse?

SQUIRE
I couldn’t really help it.

NANCY
I order you not to look at my arse.

SQUIRE
I can’t really not if you go first.

NANCY
Right…well I order you to go first.

SQUIRE
That’s what

NANCY
Don’t you backchat me. Get in there…now.

SQUIRE
Yes Maam.

Squire squeezes himself into the gap. The debris pile shudders and shifts as he wriggles his way deeper. He stops.

SQUIRE
I’m stuck.

NANCY
Stop fecking around.

SQUIRE
No seriously

NANCY
I order you to come back.

Squire squirms a bit more.

SQUIRE
Nope it’s settled behind me I

NANCY
(furiously)
That’s your big fat arse.

SQUIRE
Hey! I don’t

NANCY
Well go forward then.

Squire struggles the debris pile shifts again.

SQUIRE
(grunting)
Nope…I…can’t. It’s settling behind me.

NANCY
You can. Just stop the flow and we’ll figure the rest out later. Go on!

SQUIRE
But you’ll be struck?

NANCY
We’ll clear that once the flow is switched off. You can make it…I order you to go forward!

NANCY
I’m already stuck here. Stop the bloody flow or we’ll both die.

SQUIRE
(pause)
You’re right.

Squire gives wriggle, a squirm, and as the debris pile closes behind him he pops free.

SQUIRE
I’m out. I’m by the panel. Where’s the spanner?

NANCY
(weakly)
Here.

SQUIRE
Where!

NANCY
Here…I forgot.

The sound of the elevator doors opening and closing then…silence.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Title: Jerry Max Interest 2

LOGLINE: Ezra return home unexpectedly and finds his new wife canoodling with a local rake.

ESSENCE: Love betrayed.

===================================================================
Ezra is warned not to go home unexpectedly by the old Lighthouse keeper.

When Ezra stops into a local shop to buy the child a Christmas present the shopkeeper remarks that his new wife doesn’t like surprises and maybe he should wait until the morrow.

As Ezra walks up the lane to the Keepers’ cottages a laughing neighbour driving cattle “You’re late for your own party I see”.

Ezra sees the Captain’s horse outside his cottage – he pauses turning the child’s toy over and over in his hands. A neighbour woman comes out, sees Ezra, and calls her husband. They stand and watch Ezra approach the cottage; she steps forward but her husband draws her back.

KEEPERS’ COTTAGES – NIGHT
Ezra enters parlour and sees the young Captain with his shirt open and boots off. Ezra’s wife backs out of the child’s room “Hush now” but gasps when she turns and sees Ezra. She is clad only in her shift.

“Ah good evening Ezra. Your wife and I were…excuse me”. The Captain grabs his coat, his boots, and bolts for the door fleeing down the lane.

Ezra picks up the Captain’s hat and turns it in his hands “He’s forgotten his hat”. Ezra’s wife stammers “It’s not what” then Ezra lets out a roar and pushes her to one side – her head strikes the wall rendering her unconscious and knocking an oil lamp over as Ezra runs out in pursuit.
===================================================================

[Jeremy Cooke]

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is the value of going through the different passes.

A. Current Scene Logline: Emma is introduced to village society

B. Essence: Emma is quickly put in her place.

C. List of possible challenges.

A. GOAL – to impress the Doctor and his guests.
B. NEEDS – to stake her place in the society.
C. VALUES – those of a genteel nature.
D. WOUND – Miss Delacherois slights the memory of Emma’s husband.
E. PHYSICAL – Emma eats asparagus the wrong way.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

INT. DINING ROOM – EVENING
At dinner that evening with the Doctor, the Parson, and his daughter Miss Delacherois who regales them with the latest gossip from the town including the story of Ezra.

The Doctor tells the company that Emma’s husband gave his life in the Crimea on Her Majesty’s service.

Miss Delacherois asks was he an Officer.?Emma replies “Yes, in the Commissariat”.

Miss Delacherois remarks to the company that in her brother’s regiment the Commissariat were regarded more as shopkeepers than Officers.

After the soup course asparagus is served and Emma starts eating her spears with a knife and fork. The other guests who are eating their asparagus with their hands pause to look, Miss Delacherois giggles and remarks is that how they eat asparagus in the Commissariat. The company laughs then continues eating with their hands. Emma puts her knife and fork down and Miss Delacherois calls to the Cook for fresh cutlery for Emma.
==================================================================
A. Current Scene Logline: Miss Delacherois scorns Charlie’s father and Charlie bites back.

B. Essence: The biter can be bit.

C. List of possible challenges.

A. GOAL – to defend his father’s memory.
B. NEEDS – to stand up for himself.
C. VALUES – of equal worth to Miss Delacherois.
D. WOUND – Miss Delacherois slights the memory of Charlie’s Father.
E. PHYSICAL – Charlie wets himself.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Miss Delacherois calls with her father and Charlie is asked to show them how he has mastered his tables. Miss Delacherois puts Charlie through his tables which he performs well at. Then Miss Delacherois ramps up the difficulty with increasingly difficult sums and Charlie falters then burst into tears.

Miss Delacherois remarks that she has always felt that the servant class has no need for tables or much beyond simple addition and subtraction unless they are for trade, or the Commissariat for that matter which laughing are much the same thing..

The Doctor protests that the boy’s father laid down his life for his country.

Charlie is rude to Miss Delacherois. “You’re not my Mummy. My Mother is prettier than you!”. She demands that Charlie is punished.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry Full-out Characters

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is taking time to understand and flesh out the characters will improve my dialogue and help me explore sides of their character that are new to me.

————–BEGIN PROFILE DOCTOR JACKSON———————-

DESCRIPTION: DOCTOR JACKSON is a popular local physician whose curiosity has led him into some dark area..
TRAITS #1: Genial, ambitious, curious, sociable.
TRAITS #2: Ambitious, calculating, ruthless, manipulative.

SUBTEXT #1: The Doctor is abusing his position to probe the boundary between life and death.
SUBTEXT #2: The Doctor is using his position to experiment with the babies born out off wedlock in the village.

————–BEGIN PROFILE MRS. MIGGINS———————-

DESCRIPTION: MRS. MIGGINS is the kindly cook and long time servant of the Doctor’s. She has assisted him in some activities that are best left unsaid.

TRAITS #1: Motherly, honest, jealous, resentful.
TRAITS #2: False, hate-filled, possessive, jealous.

SUBTEXT #1: The Cook loves the Doctor and feels she is owed more consideration for helping him in his research.
SUBTEXT #2: The Cook has risked her soul helping the Doctor and now he brings a slut of a girl into the house.

————–BEGIN PROFILE DOCTOR EMMA———————-

DESCRIPTION: EMMA is a young widow who, together with her son, arrive in the village alone and friendless.

TRAITS #1: Naive, hopeful, vulnerable, frightened.
TRAITS #2: Foolish, snobbish, plotting, frightened.

SUBTEXT #1: Emma has convinced herself that she, Charlie, and the Doctor will become one happy family.
SUBTEXT #2: Emma sees herself as Mistress of the house and she lets everybody know it.

————–END PROFILE————————

[Jeremy Cooke]

LESSON 8: QE Cycle #1 First Draft

LOGLINE: A bomb has been planted and the cops need to know where

ESSENCE: Sometimes good people have to do bad things

————————-Begin Scene Description—————

SITUATION: A face-to-face standoff where the good guy must get certain info from the bad guy before the fight starts.

SCENE ARC: From just before the face-off to the good guy has the info.

Nick enters the interview room and turns on the recorder.

NICK

This is Detective Sergeant Carter and the time is…twelve oh-six. OK you gave them the runaround so no more fucking about.

JOHN

And what’ll you do for me?

NICK

I’ll not break your frigging face. How’s that for starters?

JOHN

Not good enough. Show me the deal, in writing, or it’s no go.

NICK

If what you’ve told us is true there’s no time. We need

JOHN

Go and get someone…

(studies Nick’s ID which is clipped to his chest)

with the authority to

NICK

I can

JOHN

No you effing can’t Sergeant! Now piss off and get a grown-up.

NICK

And if I could do that?

JOHN

Then I’ll tell them to piss off as well. I’m not grassing. Anyway we, my lot, don’t take kindly to touting.

NICK

No pals?

JOHN

I work alone, It’s best.

NICK

Look we can do a deal. You tell me what, where and when and I personally will have a word in the Judge’s shell-like. You fully co-operate and you’ll pull seven years…tops! Out in four. Come on now that’s not a bad deal.

JOHN

Nah. Fuck that! I’ll take my chances. Who knows maybe I’ll escape?

NICK

If that bomb goes off they’ll lock you up and throw away the key.

JOHN

Fly away little piggy, fly away.

NICK

At least tell me what we’re dealing with here. What is the device? What size is it?

JOHN

Can’t do any hharm at this stage of the game I suppose. We got it through some middle-men. War surplus.

NICK

War what are you talking about.

JOHN

When you cut and ran from Afghanistan you left a lot behind. No cabin baggage allowed I suppose. Anyway we picked up some loverly ordinance courtsey of Uncle Sam.

NICK

What? You mean like a land mine or summat?

JOHN

The Air Force doesn’t drop bloody land mines.

NICK

You mean a bomb? You bought a bloody air force bomb.

JOHN

It’s like a souk out there you

NICK

What size of bloody bomb?

JOHN

Not my field mate. Do I look as though I’m in the Air Force? All I know was it took four of us to lift it off the trolly and

NICK

Jesus where

JOHN

We didn’t even have to pay them. They were glad to give it to us…payback. I think we’re done here. What time is it?

NICK

Nearly quarter past. Why? Where is this bloody bomb?

JOHN

I’ll even tell you the when. Twelve thirty.

NICK

Fifteen minutes? Christ on a stick. You’d

JOHN

I’d like a nice cup of tea thank you Sergeant…and maybe a few biscuits?

Nick sits there then

(beat)

stands up and unzips his fly. Nick walks around the desk and starts urinating on John. John stands up and tries to move but he’s chained to the desk.

JOHN

Here what the

Nick finshes and zips himself up.

JOHN

Are you fucking mad I’ll

Nick draws a Taser out from his pocket.

NICK

Quit your bleating and

JOHN

I’ll see

NICK

(laughs)

See what? No judge will believe you.

Nick frys John repeatedly. Johnis left gasping, retching, screaming until

NICK

Well?

Nick takes another battery pack out from his pocket

NICK

Round Two?

JOHN

(weakly)

What time is it?

NICK

It’s…Jesus twelve twenty nine. It’s too

JOHN

Late

NICK

(screams)

Where is that fucking bomb?

JOHN

(whispers)

Here.

————————-End Scene Description—————

[Jeremy Cooke]

LESSON 8: QE Cycle #1 First Draft

LOGLINE: A bomb has been planted and the cops need to know where
ESSENCE: Sometimes good people have to do bad things

————————-Begin Scene Description—————

SITUATION: A face-to-face standoff where the good guy must get certain info from the bad guy before the fight starts.

SCENE ARC: From just before the face-off to the good guy has the info.

Nick enters the interview room and turns on the recorder.
NICK
This is Detective Sergeant Carter and the time is…twelve oh-six. OK you gave them the runaround so no more fucking about.

JOHN
And what’ll you do for me?

NICK
I’ll not break your frigging face. How’s that for starters?

JOHN
Not good enough. Show me the deal, in writing, or it’s no go.

NICK
If what you’ve told us is true there’s no time. We need

JOHN
Go and get someone…
(studies Nick’s ID which is clipped to his chest)
with the authority to

NICK
I can

JOHN
No you effing can’t Sergeant! Now piss off and get a grown-up.

NICK
And if I could do that?

JOHN
Then I’ll tell them to piss off as well. I’m not grassing. Anyway we, my lot, don’t take kindly to touting.

NICK
No pals?

JOHN
I work alone, It’s best.

NICK
Look we can do a deal. You tell me what, where and when and I personally will have a word in the Judge’s shell-like. You fully co-operate and you’ll pull seven years…tops! Out in four. Come on now that’s not a bad deal.

JOHN
Nah. Fuck that! I’ll take my chances. Who knows maybe I’ll escape?

NICK
If that bomb goes off they’ll lock you up and throw away the key.

JOHN
Fly away little piggy, fly away.

NICK
At least tell me what we’re dealing with here. What is the device? What size is it?

JOHN
Can’t do any hharm at this stage of the game I suppose. We got it through some middle-men. War surplus.

NICK
War what are you talking about.

JOHN
When you cut and ran from Afghanistan you left a lot behind. No cabin baggage allowed I suppose. Anyway we picked up some loverly ordinance courtsey of Uncle Sam.

NICK
What? You mean like a land mine or summat?

JOHN
The Air Force doesn’t drop bloody land mines.

NICK
You mean a bomb? You bought a bloody air force bomb.

JOHN
It’s like a souk out there you

NICK
What size of bloody bomb?

JOHN
Not my field mate. Do I look as though I’m in the Air Force? All I know was it took four of us to lift it off the trolly and

NICK
Jesus where

JOHN
We didn’t even have to pay them. They were glad to give it to us…payback. I think we’re done here. What time is it?

NICK
Nearly quarter past. Why? Where is this bloody bomb?

JOHN
I’ll even tell you the when. Twelve thirty.

NICK
Fifteen minutes? Christ on a stick. You’d

JOHN
I’d like a nice cup of tea thank you Sergeant…and maybe a few biscuits?

Nick sits there then
(beat)
stands up and unzips his fly. Nick walks around the desk and starts urinating on John. John stands up and tries to move but he’s chained to the desk.

JOHN
Here what the

Nick finshes and zips himself up.

JOHN
Are you fucking mad I’ll

Nick draws a Taser out from his pocket.

NICK
Quit your bleating and

JOHN
I’ll see

NICK
(laughs)
See what? No judge will believe you.

Nick frys John repeatedly. Johnis left gasping, retching, screaming until

NICK
Well?

Nick takes another battery pack out from his pocket

NICK
Round Two?

JOHN
(weakly)
What time is it?

NICK
It’s…Jesus twelve twenty nine. It’s too

JOHN
Late

NICK
(screams)
Where is that fucking bomb?

JOHN
(whispers)
Here.
————————-End Scene Description—————

[Jeremy Cooke]

LESSON 7: QE Cycle #1 Final Rewrite

LOGLINE: Robert and Trent meet and quarrel over their Father’s will.
ESSENCE: Blood only goes so deep but money trumps all.

INT HOTEL TOILET EVENING
Robert is standing by the trough urinating. He is disheveled and half drunk. Trent walks in.

Robert swings round and opens his arms splashing Trent.

ROBERT
Ah Jaysus it’s the man himself! Come here and give me a hug?

Trent jumps back.

TENT
You’re pissing down my leg!

Robert zips himself up. He doesn’t wash his hands.

ROBERT
Sure it’s only Guinness and fairly fresh at that. When did you get here?

Trent stares at Robert for a beat then unzips and stands at the trough.

TRENT
I hired a Beemer in Dublin and drove up. Jesus I’d forgotten about the bloody roads here.

ROBERT
And I told the lads you watch says I! He not be after driving anything less. Did ye make the service?

TRENT
The tail end. I stood at the back with all the other hicks. Jesus they stink of cow shite here. I’d forgotten how much I hate that smell. How much I hated this place.

ROBERT
(laughs)
Well it did me and Dad just fine. It’s a pity you missed the wake. The auld Dad looked very well in his new suit. He would have liked for you to have seen him so smart and well looking. He did ask for you, you know towards the end, when he knew he was going.

TRENT
I did try but

ROBERT
Ah sure that’s what I told Dad. Dad I said sure Trent is a big man in London town now. He’s no time for a wee bitty place like this or the likes of us. And you’re back here now so how’s London treating you? How long are you staying?

TRENT
Oh not so bad. The whole bloody Covid thing hit a lot of people badly.

ROBERT
Did it so? I wouldn’t envy you living in a big place like thon. Well you’re welcome to stay with Masie and myself at the farm. When are you

TRENT
Welcome? What do mean welcome? It’s a much my farm as yours.

ROBERT
Jesus boy. You weren’t there for the reading of the will of course.

TRENT
Reading of the will? So soon. When did this happen?

ROBERT
Well so auld Danny Breen, you remember him? His father had the wee Solictors over in Ballyhack. Well when Dad knew he was going, sure I drove him over there to make a new will and

TRENT
Dad made a new will? Nobody…I had a right to know!

ROBERT
Sure Dad didn’t think you’d any interest in the place. I told him how he wasn’t to worry about you and how well you

ROBERT
I’m the bloody eldest! I had a right to know!

ROBERT
(waves Trent’s objection away)
Well anyway Danny called in for a drink and pay his respects and he said that since all’s here that counts and sure didn’t he read the will there and then.

TRENT
(angry)
He should have bloody waited!

ROBERT
Now calm yerself. Sure didn’t the old boy leave the whole place to me anyway so

TRENT
You fucking what!

ROBERT
Well with you away in London and doing so well for yourself the old boy thought the farm should go to me since I was the one that stayed and worked it with him. He was very pround of

TRENT
You sneaked little shit. What did you say to him?

ROBERT
Sure only with you doing so well for yerself over there and making the money like it’s going out of fashion you’d have no interest in a wee scrap of a farm.

TRENT
You stitched me up!

ROBERT
Sure I was only sharing the good news with him. But he did miss you so…you could have called him now and again you know.

TRENT
I didn’t have time!

ROBERT
He asked after you…could you

TRENT
Fuck that shite! I needed that money, I need that money! You’ll just have to sell it and we’ll split the money. Fairs fair now.

ROBERT
No way! After all the money you told us you were making in London. I was the one

TRENT
I don’t give a fuck what the old bastard thought. I told you I need that money!

ROBERT
Well it’s my farm now and I’ll not be selling a square foot of

TRENT
You bastard.

Trent zips up and punches Robert hard in the mouth.

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Robert and Trent meet and quarrel over their Father’s will.
ESSENCE: Blood only goes so deep but money trumps all.

=============1st PASS========================================

INT HOTEL TOILET EVENING
Robert is standing by the trough urinating. He is disheveled and half drunk. Trent walks in.

ROBERT
Ah Jesus it’s the man himself! When did you get in?

Trent unzips and stands beside Robert at the trough.

TRENT
I hired a car in Dublin. Jesus I’d forgotten about the bloody roads here.

Robert turns round and pisses down Trent’s leg as he zip himself up.

ROBERT
Ah sure they do us rightly. Did ye make the service?

TRENT
The tail end. I stood at the…what the feck! Did you just piss on me.

ROBERT
Sure it’s only Guinness and fairly fresh at that. It’s a pity you missed the wake. The auld Dad looked very well in his new suit. Well welcome back anyway big brother. How’s London going?

TRENT
Oh not so bad. The whole bloody Covid thing hit a lot of people badly.

ROBERT
Did it so? Well you’re welcome to stay with Masie and myself at the farm. When are you

TRENT
Welcome? What do mean welcome. it’s a much my farm as yours.

ROBERT
Jesus boy. You weren’t there for the reading of the will of course.

TRENT
Reading of the will? So soon. Without me? I’m the bloody eldest! I’ve a right

ROBERT
Well so auld Danny Breen, you remember him? His father had the wee Solictors over in Ballyhack.

TRENT
So?

ROBERT
Well then sure he stopped over for a drink and pay his respects and he said that all’s here that counts and sure didn’t read the will there and then.

TRENT
(angry)
He should have bloody waited!

ROBERT
Now calm yerself. Sure didn’t the old boy leave the whole place to me anyway so

TRENT
You fucking what!

ROBERT
Well with you away in London and doing so well for yourself the old boy must have thought the farm should go to me since I was the one that stayed and worked it with him.

TRENT
I needed that money you’ll have to sell it and we’ll split the money. Fairs fair now.

TRENT
I told you I need that money!

ROBERT
Well it’s my farm now and I’ll not be selling a square foot of

TRENT
You bastard.

Trent zips up and punches Robert hard in the mouth.

=======2nd & 3rd PASS========================================

INT HOTEL TOILET EVENING
Robert is standing by the trough urinating. He is disheveled and half drunk. Trent walks in.

Robert swings round and opens his arms splashing Trent.

ROBERT
Ah Jesus it’s the man himself! When did you get in?

Trent jumps back.

TENT
You daft bastard.

Robert zips himself up. He doesn’t wash his hands.

ROBERT
Sure it’s only Guinness and fairly fresh at that.

Trent stares at Robert for a beat then unzips and stands at the trough.

TRENT
I hired a car in Dublin. Jesus I’d forgotten about the bloody roads here.

ROBERT
Ah sure they do us rightly. Did ye make the service?

TRENT
The tail end. I stood at the back with all the other hicks. Jesus they stink of cow shite here. I’d forgotten how much I hate that smell.

ROBERT
(laughs)
It’s a pity you missed the wake. The auld Dad looked very well in his new suit. Well welcome back anyway big brother. How’s London going?

TRENT
Oh not so bad. The whole bloody Covid thing hit a lot of people badly.

ROBERT
Did it so? I wouldn’t envy you living in a big place thon. Well you’re welcome to stay with Masie and myself at the farm. When are you

TRENT
Welcome? What do mean welcome? It’s a much my farm as yours.

ROBERT
Jesus boy. You weren’t there for the reading of the will of course.

TRENT
Reading of the will? So soon. Without me? I’m the bloody eldest! I’ve a right

ROBERT
Well so auld Danny Breen, you remember him? His father had the wee Solictors over in Ballyhack.

TRENT
So?

ROBERT
Well then sure he stopped over for a drink and pay his respects and he said that all’s here that counts and sure didn’t read the will there and then.

TRENT
(angry)
He should have bloody waited!

ROBERT
Now calm yerself. Sure didn’t the old boy leave the whole place to me anyway so

TRENT
You fucking what!

ROBERT
Well with you away in London and doing so well for yourself the old boy must have thought the farm should go to me since I was the one that stayed and worked it with him.

TRENT
You sneaked little shit. What did you say to him?

ROBERT
Sure only with you doing so well for yerself over there and making the money like it’s going out of fashion you’d have no interest in a wee scrap of a farm.

TRENT
You stitched me up!

ROBERT
Sure I was only sharing the good news with him. He was very proud of you…you could have called him now and again you know.

TRENT
I didn’t have time!

ROBERT
He missed you.

TRENT
I needed that money, I need that money! You’ll just have to sell it and we’ll split the money. Fairs fair now.

ROBERT
No way! All the money you told us you were making in London. I was the one

TRENT
I don’t give a fuck what the old bastard thought. I told you I need that money!

ROBERT
Well it’s my farm now and I’ll not be selling a square foot of

TRENT
You bastard.

Trent zips up and punches Robert hard in the mouth.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Title: Jerrys’ Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is a slow painful rewrite of every scene to reflect the essence.

LOGLINE: Emma & Sam joins the Doctor for a family meal.
ESSENCE: A happy meal with the new family.

INT. DINING ROOM – EVENING
At dinner that evening with the Doctor and the Parson who regales them with the latest gossip from the town including the story of Ezra.

Emma and Sam are sitting at the table and the Cook is serving. Emma is very much the lady of the house.

The Doctor is in excellent spirits and addresses Emma as “My Dear” and welcomes to his “happy family”. A toast is drunk to Emma’s happiness.

Revised scene

Character changes radically: the good natured Cook reveals bitter conflict in the happy house.
Uncertainty — hope / fear: Is Emma’s and Sam’s position in the house under threat?
Intrigue: what secret is distressing the Cook so much? And why does it so enrage the genial Doctor?

INT. DINING ROOM – EVENING
At dinner that evening with the Doctor and the Parson who regales them with the latest gossip from the town including the story of Ezra.

Emma and Sam are sitting at the table and the Cook is serving. Emma is very much the lady of the house.

The Doctor is in excellent spirits and addresses Emma as “My Dear” and welcomes to his “happy family”. A toast is drunk to Emma’s happiness.

Cook explodes and hurls a dish to the table
COOK
(to Doctor)
Have you no shame?! To start that

DOCTOR
Missus Mullins! What

COOK
Haven’t I seen this story before and

DOCTOR
(furious)
Hold your tongue!

PARSON
Doctor I

DOCTOR
I’ll thank you to mind your own business Sir!

COOK flies from the room closely followed by the DOCTOR. The door closes and we hear the sound of furious arguing.

SAM
Mum what’s

EMMA
Hush dear. It’s rude to listen to other people’s conversations.
(To Parson)
Have you traveled

SAM
But

EMMA
Sam! We are guests in this house and you mind that.

SAM
Dad wouldn’t

EMMA
Father is lost to us Sam. Now eat your dinner. Parson may I help you to some more chicken?

[Jeremy Cooke]

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to take time before starting to make small sketches of the characters and use what I know about them when they are called upon to react.

Person 1: Kind, stubborn, overbearing

Rejected their advice and they stormed out.

Person 2: Fantasist, tries to please everybody, weak.

They agreed with what I said, then agreed the opposite with the next person they met.

Person 3: Generous, clever, know it all.

When someone said something wrong and they overheard it they had to poke their nose in and correct others.

Script I choose: The Lighthouse Keeper’s Wife

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/e2hnxz4odqqln9w/The%20Lighthouse%20Keepers%20Wife%20v0.pdf?dl=0)

Ezra: Impulsive, Quick to anger, Generous, Easily hurt

Doctor: Genial, Pompous, Self-deluding, Curious, Selfish, Dangerous when crossed, Cruel, Vindictive.

Emma: Proud, Susceptible to flattery, Romantic, Protective, Naive

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Jeremy Cooke.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jerry Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is that each scene should have a clear objective in advancing the story.

Script I choose: The Lighthouse Keeper’s Wife

(https://www.dropbox.com/s/e2hnxz4odqqln9w/The%20Lighthouse%20Keepers%20Wife%20v0.pdf?dl=0)

Scene 1 Location:

Logline: On Xmas Eve Ezra leaves his snug berth at the lighthouse to spring a surprise visit to his loving family.

Essence: A loving Ezra calls unexpectedly home bearing gifts.

New Logline: Ezra arrives home unexpectedly.

Scene 3 Location:

Logline: Ezra finds his new wife canoodling with s young man.

Essence: Ezra’s world is shattered when he finds his wife being unfaithful.

New Logline: Ezra finds out that the warning from his friends about his new wife were true.

Scene 4 Location:

Logline: Pursuing his wife’s lover his new family are killed.

Essence: In a red rage Exra pursues his wife’s lover in exclusion to all else.

New Logline: In a rage Ezra ignores the fire and pursues his wife’s lover leaving his wife and child to their fate.

Scene 9 Location:

Logline: The Doctor welcomes Emma and her son into his home.

Essence: Emma and her son are warned the house has its secrets.

New Logline: Emma and her son learn that the Doctor’s hospitality has its limits.

Scene 10 Location:

Logline: At dinner Emma and the Doctor [play happy families.

Essence: The Doctor seems to regard Emma as more than a housekeeper.

New Logline: At Dinner the Doctor charms Emma and treats her more that family than as a servant.

[Jeremy Cooke]

What I learned to day is focusing the scene on the point you want to get across. A dramatic scene, as compared to a transitional or explanatory scene, should only have one point, and it should nail it.

Line Of Duty Series 4, Episode 1
https://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/documents/line-of-duty-s4-ep1-post-production-script-uk-tx-version.pdf

#1
LOCATION: P1
LOGLINE: A young woman is kidnapped off the street.
ESSENCE: The police are alerted by witnesses.

#2
LOCATION: P11
LOGLINE: The victim is rescued in the nick of time.
ESSENCE: The police find and rescue the victim unharmed.

#3
LOCATION:P16
LOGLINE: The polce make an arrest.
ESSENCE: The case is resolved, the police have their man.

#4
LOCATION: P19
LOGLINE: Forensics have their doubts.
ESSENCE: Forensics attempt to alert the investigator but are brushed aside.

#5
LOCATION: P30
LOGLINE: Forensics take their concerns to police complaints department (AC-12).
ESSENCE: Forensics have thrown doubt on the case against the suspect in the other murders.

INT AC-12 MEETING ROOM CONT

Tim continues to explain to Steve.

TIM
I mean, in court, a so-called expert pops up and the jury stops listening to the rest of the evidence.

STEVE
Look, Tim, it’s late…

TIM
So I asked the Submissions Team at the laboratory to carry out a sample environmental profile on these items. Other items recovered from the scene.
(photo on laptop)
A hairgrip belonging to Baswinder Kaur. And a necklace belonging to Leonie Collersdale bore a characteristic pattern of carpet fibre deposits. Now as residents walk around…

STEVE
Tiny amounts of carpet fibres are thrown into the air and settle on objects in the immediate vicinity. This gives an indication of how long the objects have been in said location.

TIM
Exactly. No carpet fibre deposits were found on any of the items connecting the crime scene to the previous victims. None of the suspect’s DNA either. Now I’m worried, well, you know what I’m worried about…that they were planted there.

Steve absorbs Tim’s point.

============================================

After reading the Juno scene I wonder if LOGLINE -> ESSENCE, and ESSENCE->EXPRESSION?

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Jeremy Cooke.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Jeremy Cooke.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Good Morning all,

My name is Jerry and I live in Donaghadee, Ireland – try saying that with your mouth full.

I’ve been writing Feature, TV, Stageplays for years but, as yet, the world has failed to recognize my genius – the rotters.

I took the “Writing Horror” course a few years ago and the result was placed in the Fade-In 2023 Shorts. That’s given me a bit of a boost so I though I’d take this class to polish up something that I’m currently working on.

It’s a TV-hour ghost story set in a small fishing village in Victorian Ireland but still needs the dialogue added.

The most unusual thing about me is my optimism, or blind stupidity, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I, Jeremy Cooke, agree to the terms of this release form.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Title: The Famine Pit by Jeremy Cooke v2

Logline: A gang of cannibals secreted in an underground labyrinth under a disused graveyard in early 1860 Belfast are hunting and devouring people to the alarm and distress of all.

Horror Outline: You threw us into the famine pits as though we were cattle, less than cattle, indifferent to whether we were alive or dead. Our parents clawed their way out and found both refuge and sustenance within these walls. But you have stopped using this place, stopped bringing us fresh food, so now we have to hunt further afield.

<div>
</div><div>

ACT 1

INT. LABORATORY – EVENING

The year is 1862 and Septimius, together with his wife
Victoria are working, in their laboratory within The Queen’s
University, Belfast, on the corpse of an man executed that
morning.

It is a large room with sheeted cadavers laid out in
trolleys. There is a gantry with hoists and pulleys running
over a large glass-sided tank filled with acid; within which
several corpses are dissolving to expose the skeletons.

SEPTIMIUS
Ease him back Billy.

The head of the corpse rolls horribly as Billy and Septimius
roll the corpse onto his back. Billy feels the neck.

BILLY
Nice job here. Snapped clean the
lucky devil.

SEPTIMIUS
(chuckles)
I’d hardly call him lucky.

BILLY
Well he’s not worrying about the
rent no more.

SEPTIMIUS
That’s true. Victoria would pass me
my slasher…there by your seat.

Victoria passes Septimius an Indian Talwar. Septimius
considers the corpse then slashes it several times leaving
terrible gaping wounds. He then applies a liquid to the
wounds then straightens up rubbing his back.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
Enough. The poor devil has had a
bad enough day I think.

Septimius draws a sheet over the corpse.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
Billy, to the putrefraction chamber
if you please then I think we’re
finished here today.

Billy fusses round the trolley grumbling.

BILLY
There’s been funny goings-on in
there.

SEPTIMIUS
Nonsense. The odd rat mayhap.

BILLY
Maybe anyway that there tank is
nearly done.

SEPTIMIUS
Tomorrow Billy. You can drain it
down in the morn and refill…

The doors crash open and two policemen reverse in with a
corpse on a stretcher.

POLICEMAN #1
(cheerful)
Good day to you Doctor.

SEPTIMIUS
What have you for me today?

BILLY
Here mind my clean floor.

POLICEMAN #1
Inspector Finn presents his
compliments and would be obliged if
you’d cast you eye over this
rascal.

Billy pushes over a trolley and together they maneuver the
corpse on to it.

BILLY
Stop dripping on my floor you dirty
wretch!

Billy starts undressing the corpse while Septimius examines
the face.

POLICEMAN #1
Found in the park.

POLICEMAN #2
Scare the Gentry the look of him.

SEPTIMIUS
Well we can’t have that.

POLICEMAN #1
Anyway Inspector Finn didn’t like
the look of him.

Billy covers the corpse with a sheet leaving the head
exposed.

BILLY
Not surprised. Nasty looking
creature.

Septimius is examining the head.

SEPTIMIUS
Good God. Victoria look at this.

Septimius points to the open mouth. Everyone crowds round.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
His teeth have been filed.

BILLY
I knew he was a bad one from the
look of him.

POLICEMAN #1
Would that be to help him eat his
vittles then Doctor?

SEPTIMIUS
(laughs)
I’ve seen this before but in India.
Some of the Heathen sects practiced
such rituals but for what purpose I
am at a loss.

POLICEMAN #2
Do you think he’s an Indian,
Doctor?

POLICEMAN #1
He might be a seaman?

SEPTIMIUS
(opens corpses eyes)
No, no a home grown Heathen I
think. Maybe if…

Septimius reaches for a long blade but Victoria covers his
hand.

VICTORIA
Have you forgotten we’re dining
with my parents this evening?

SEPTIMIUS
But if I…

VICTORIA
Septimius!

Septimius reluctantly wipes his hands on an old rag and
pulls on his coat.

SEPTIMIUS
Gentlemen my wife and I bid you
goodnight. Billy…till the morrow.

INT. LABORATORY – MORNING

They are standing looking at chaos. Sheets have been pulled
of corpses and the door to the putrefraction room stands
open.

Septimius and Victoria are standing looking when Billy
enters.

SEPTIMIUS
Morning Billy. We’ve had visitors.

BILLY
I see that nasty creature with the
teeth has left us. I told you to
trim his nut when we’d the chance.
That would put paid to any antics
from him.

Septimius is looking round at the corpses and examines some
more closely.

SEPTIMIUS
(laughs)
I hardly think he’s run far. Look
Victoria the livers have been
extracted from several.

Victoria and Billy join him.

VICTORIA
Why on…

BILLY
(cackles)
Maybe he’s hungry.

Billy and Victoria pause to look at Billy.

VICTORIA
With a few onions perhaps?

SEPTIMIUS
Stop it you pair. You’re making me
quite peckish. Billy let us examine
the putrefaction chamber.

INT. PUTREFACTION CHAMBER – CONTINUOUS

Billy and Septimius enter. Several corpses have been
disturbed. Billy examines the one nearest the door whilst
Septimius moves onto several further in.

SEPTIMIUS
Well this ones been opened but the
liver remains.

BILLY
(grumbles)
An he’s made a mess of my floor.
Lookee here Doctor.

Septimius moves to Billy.

SEPTIMIUS
Why the liver is still here. Why
extract it and leave it.

BILLY
He’s been sick too whoever he was
the nasty creature.

Septimius pokes the liver on the floor.

SEPTIMIUS
Mmm…there’s a bit missing…looks
like our chum fancied a snack and
it didn’t agree with him.

BILLY
(cackles)
No onions!

SEPTIMIUS
Maybe this game was too high for
his tastes!

INT. LABORATORY – CONTINUOUS

Billy and Septimius return sniggering. They stop when they
see Victoria has been joined by Inspector Finn.

SEPTIMIUS
Ah! Finn have you joined us for
breakfast?

BILLY
A few onions to your taste sir?

Billy and Septimius collapse laughing.

VICTORIA
Ignore them. They’re drunk on fumes
the brutes.

INSPECTOR FINN
I called in to see the new patient
I sent you last night but Victoria
tells me he’s escaped.

BILLY
(grumbling)
Nasty creature. All over my floor.

SEPTIMIUS
(to Billy)
Oh your precious floor. Go and sulk
in the putrefaction chamber with
your mops and buckets.
(to Finn)
Did Victoria tell you about the
teeth?

INSPECTOR FINN
She did. Most odd. My Constables
told me it was probably some
heathen from the docks.

Billy has moved around setting things right. He picks up the
clothes from the missing corpse.

BILLY
Here what’s this!

SEPTIMIUS
That heathen was born and bred here
to my mind.

They crowd around the pile of objects Billy has stacked on
the vacant trolley and start examining them. Passing them
around.

INSPECTOR FINN
A mask? But the ears? For what
purpose?

SEPTIMIUS
Leather certainly. But the human
kind I think. Look at the folds
around the eyes.

Victoria has moved over to another trolley and pulled back
the sheet.

VICTORIA
Gentlemen! Your attention!

Victoria drags the claw she is holding in her hand across
the torso of the corpse.

VICTORIA (cont’d)
We have seen these marks before.

INSPECTOR FINN
Claws! What sort of beggar was
this! Is anything else missing?

SEPTIMIUS
A few livers.

INSPECTOR FINN
Septimius be serious.

SEPTIMIUS
I am though. Look!

Septimius and Billy pull aside several sheets.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
The livers have been extracted from
several of our guests.

INSPECTOR FINN
(looking around)
Well where are they?

SEPTIMIUS
Not here. Gone in the night.

INSPECTOR FINN
But why would

BILLY
Not all.

SEPTIMIUS
True enough. There was one
extracted in the putrefaction
chamber but abandoned.

BILLY
He had a taste first.

INSPECTOR FINN
What on…what are you two talking
about.

SEPTIMIUS
It’s true. There was a bite taken
out but it obviously wasn’t to his
liking. Maybe the corruption was
too much for him.

INSPECTOR FINN
Corruption! What are you doing in
that room.

Septimius points to the sign on the door “Putrefaction
Chamber”.

SEPTIMIUS
Exactly what it says. I saw too
many good men die in India from a
scratch.

INSPECTOR FINN
But this…this disfigurement of
the dead.

SEPTIMIUS
If I can prove Monsieur Pasteur’s
theories on purification then we
may all be glad of the knowledge
sometime.

INSPECTOR FINN
Should I see this…room?

SEPTIMIUS
Certainly come

VICTORIA
No! Trust me you don’t. It makes a
charnel house look respectable. You
shall have nightmares for a month.

INSPECTOR FINN
Well…maybe later…sometime

VICTORIA
You must come to supper! As soon as
you can. I do so want to see Mary.
How are the little ones?

INSPECTOR FINN
(relieved)
Fine. Everybody is well thank God.

VICTORIA
I do so want to have a good gossip
with Mary. You two can talk about
boring old Monsieur Pasteur as much
as you want…but you’ll be sorry
you started him.

SEPTIMIUS
Excellent. I’ll enjoy that. But
back to business.
(indicates laboratory)
What about this?

Inspector Finn points to the claw marks on the torso.

INSPECTOR FINN
I too have seen the like. And not
two hundred yards from here.

SEPTIMIUS
Where?

INSPECTOR FINN
The old graveyard.

SEPTIMIUS
Friar’s Bush? But it has fallen
into disuse in recent years.

INSPECTOR FINN
Indeed but I have heard tell that a
gang of Gypsies have taken up
residence.

VICTORIA
The poor gypsies! They get blamed
for ill.

INSPECTOR FINN
Well maybe not Gypsies but
vagabonds certainly.

SEPTIMIUS
And what makes you suspect them?

INSPECTOR FINN
(points at claw marks)
This. As I said I’ve seen this
before. There’s been a spate of
murders around the graveyard and
the bodies bore scars like these.

SEPTIMIUS
But why haven’t we heard I

VICTORIA
There’s been nothing in the news
letters.

INSPECTOR FINN
The authorities have been keeping
it secret for fear of riot.

SEPTIMIUS
But why don’t you sweep the
graveyard and apprehend these
vagrants?

INSPECTOR FINN
I have tried but they are leery for
Protestant police to tread upon a
Catholic burial ground after the
recent disturbances.

SEPTIMIUS
Well then you must prevail on the
Magistrates to bring in the
Military since they are better
thought off in the round.

P.C. Little enters the laboratory.

INSPECTOR FINN
And this is Constable Little the
nightwatchman for this beat.

Septimius and Victoria both acknowledge Little.

INSPECTOR FINN (cont’d)
Constable Little who will keep a
special watch on the laboratory on
his nightly patrols.

Finn hands Little the mask.

INSPECTOR FINN (cont’d)
Have you ever seen the like?

Little handles the mask then places it over his face for a
moment.

P.C. LITTLE
No Sir. Not in all my years. Why
it’s

VICTORIA
Like a bat.

INSPECTOR FINN
What

SEPTIMIUS
B’God that’s it.

INSPECTOR FINN
Would somebody

SEPTIMIUS
The hearing. I saw this same idea
used by the hunters in the forests
south of Nagpur when they went out
at night. I knew it was familiar.

Finn picks up the mask and tries it again.

INSPECTOR FINN
Hunters?

SEPTIMIUS
But this time I fear man is the
prey. Finn we must search that
graveyard!

INSPECTOR FINN
But

SEPTIMIUS
We must gather the correspondents
for the local news letters and
advise them of our suspicions.

INSPECTOR FINN
I’m not sure that my superiors will

SEPTIMIUS
They will once the press is in hue
and cry. The Magistrates live in
mortal fear of them exposing some
scandal.

INT. LABORATORY – MORNING

The correspondents from several local news letters are
present. They are staring around the laboratory and Billy is
darting hither and thither trying to stop them touching
things.

INSPECTOR FINN
Gentlemen, gentlemen and of course
Miss McFee of the press. Thank you
coming today, and thanks due to
Doctor Septimius O’Rourke for
allowing us to gather here in his
laboratory. Now I’m

PRESS #1
Now hurry up Charlie. You have to
get to the point quicker.

PRESS#2
(to general clamour)
Aye hurry up. Ink’s not cheap
y’know.

INSPECTOR FINN
(waving for quiet)
Now come on lads. I bring you a
tale of murder and

Septimius rips the sheet of the mutilated corpse from
yesterday and the press crowd round looking at the injuries.
Some are sketching.

INSPECTOR FINN (cont’d)
(grumpy)
Thank you Doctor. Get a good look
lads. This is

PRESS #1
Who is he?

PRESS#2
How’d he die then?

INSPECTOR FINN
One of a number that we’ve seen

PRESS#2
How’s his wife? Was he married?

PRESS #1
Any kids? Can we see the kids?

PRESS#2
Nah the Widow that’s who we want

INSPECTOR FINN
Of unfortunates that have turned up
in out City

PRESS#2
So why are we here in this place?

PRESS #1
(Points at Septimius)
What’s he here for?

PRESS#2
Aye, what’s the Doctor do in this…
place?

PRESS #1
It’s a rum place this? What’s he
doing to these here stiffs?

INSPECTOR FINN
Gentleman, gentlemen the Doctor is
not the story here

PRESS #1
Looks like a story to me.

PRESS#2
An we’ll decide the story Charlie.

INSPECTOR FINN
(in despair)
Cannibals!

General hubbub.

PRESS#2
Where? I don’t see no cannibals
here?

INSPECTOR FINN
Not here in the old graveyard. We
have reason

PRESS#2
So why are we here?

INSPECTOR FINN
That a gang of cannibals is
secreted about the grounds

PRESS #1
(looking up from the
corpse)
Why’s he not been eaten then?

SEPTIMIUS
Gentlemen, if I may have your
attention for a moment?

Finn looks relieved.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
If you look closely here
(indicated the corpse)
And if I pull open the belly thus…
we see the liver is missing.

The press crowd in.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
It is Inspector Finn’s, and my,
belief that people are being
murdered and their livers extracted
to be consumed by a gang of tinkers
not two hundred yards hence.

PRESS #1
How do they eat them? Do they cook
them first?

PRESS#2
What about young girls? Do they
kill and eat them as well?

SEPTIMIUS
Young girls? Well

INSPECTOR FINN
Not as we’ve seen to date. But if
they do you’ll be the first to know
now

PRESS#2
(points at mask)
What’s this here?

INSPECTOR FINN
Ah yes that we believe is a mask
they wear when about their work.
Note the

PRESS#2
(points at ears)
What’s these?

INSPECTOR FINN
I was just getting there!

PRESS#2
You does talk an awful lot Charlie.

INSPECTOR FINN
(glares)
I do not!

PRESS #1
(waving claw)
An these Charlie what’s these?

INSPECTOR FINN
(points at Septimius)
Ask him! Apparently I talk too
much!
(folds his arms)

PRESS #1
Ah don’t get

PRESS#2
(to Septimius)
Well what’s this?

SEPTIMIUS
Gentlemen now please. Now this
(taking claw and holding
it)
Look at the wounds here, and here
on this poor soul. They match this
(waves claw)
And they match the other victims
that we have seen

PRESS#2
How many?

INSPECTOR FINN
(interjects)
About a score to date.

SEPTIMIUS
I have seen these before in

PRESS#2
You’ve kept this quiet Charlie.

PRESS #1
Where’ve you seen this then Doctor?

SEPTIMIUS
(stiffly)
In India. I had the honour to serve
with General Rose in the recent
Mutiny where

PRESS #1
Are these here cannibals Indians?

SEPTIMIUS
No I meant

PRESS#2
They’ll be French then

SEPTIMIUS
No I

PRESS#2
It’s always the French. This is the
sort of thing they get up to.

PRESS #1
(points at corpse)
Is he French then?

SEPTIMIUS
Well i…don’t

PRESS #1
He ain’t saying!

PRESS#2
It’s the French then!

PRESS #1
An invasion?

PRESS#2
(To Finn)
Why haven’t you cleared them
Frenchies out off the graveyard
then?

PRESS #1
They’d need the Military to do
that.

PRESS#2
That lazy bunch of Militia in
Musgrave barracks. Much use they’d
be against the French. Drunken
sots.

INSPECTOR FINN
(Roars)
There’s no bloody French! Go on
you’ve got your story!

Finn indicates to the police (“Come along now” lads etc)
who, together with Billy (“Here, put that down, leave that
alone you etc”) shepherd the press out.

INSPECTOR FINN (cont’d)
(weakly)
Well that went well I think?

SEPTIMIUS
(weakly)
Yes…well.

EXT. STREET – LATER

Septimius and Victoria are making their way home through the
dusk when they are accosted by a rough man clutching a news
letter.

ROUGH MAN
(brandishing news letter)
Here you that French Doctor?

SEPTIMIUS
I am Doctor O’Rourke yes.

ROUGH MAN
(Thrusting his face close
to Septimius)
You want to learn to mind your own
business Sir.

SEPTIMIUS
I can

ROUGH MAN
Coz if’n you don’t there’s some
minded to teach you and your
(indicates Victoria)
A wee lesson.

SEPTIMIUS
Look

ROUGH MAN
Never you

P.C. LITTLE
What’s going on here then?
(touches hat to Victoria
and Septimius)
Is this here one bothering you?

ROUGH MAN
You keep away from that graveyard
now and

P.C. LITTLE
Right you, clear off or

ROUGH MAN
You? You and whose army Bulkie?

Little reaches for his baton.

ROUGH MAN (cont’d)
And wave your stick at me I’ll
shove it where the sun don’t shine.
(to Septimius)
You’ve been warned.

Walks off.

SEPTIMIUS
(to Victoria)
Did you note?

VICTORIA
His teeth, yes.

INT. LABORATORY – MORNING

Victoria, Septimius and Billy are working in the laboratory
when Finn bursts in.

INSPECTOR FINN
Are you all right?

SEPTIMIUS
Why wouldn’t we be?

VICTORIA
Perfectly.

INSPECTOR FINN
I was told that you were threatened
on the street last night.

SEPTIMIUS
(laughs)
Strongly advised perhaps.

VICTORIA
Septimius!
(to Finn)
Thank you but Constable Little saw
the rogue off.

INSPECTOR FINN
Well that’s as maybe but I’m
assigning a Constable to keep an
eye on you pair until this nonsense
is over.

Septimius picks up a Adams revolver from his desk and shows
it to Finn.

SEPTIMIUS
That’s really not necessary. We
have taken precautions.

INSPECTOR FINN
Good Grief man! Are you planning to
discharge that cannon on the
streets of Belfast?

SEPTIMIUS
(sniffy)
Well I’ll be able to protect poor
Constable Little with his stick.

INSPECTOR FINN
Victoria what

Shamefaced Victoria rummages in the bag and produces

VICTORIA
And I have selected one of Mister
Colts Pocket Pistols to

INSPECTOR FINN
But Victoria do you

VICTORIA
Oh yes! Septimius and I have been
practicing

INSPECTOR FINN
Have you ever discharged this
machine?

VICTORIA
Indeed, at the weekends we go out
to the country. For I am quite the
marksman. Better than Septimius I’d
say.

SEPTIMIUS
Ha! A woman’s pistols! Mine will
knock down a horse with ease.

VICTORIA
Well I don’t intend to shoot any
horses.

Finn extracts a new letter from his pocket.

INSPECTOR FINN
Well hopefully it’ll not come to
that. Have you seen this?

SEPTIMIUS
We picked up an early copy last
night.

INSPECTOR FINN
Bloody reporters. The Magistrates
are having conniptions and the
Militia have sent to Dublin for
reinforcements.

SEPTIMIUS
Reinforcements? Are they afraid of
a gang of vagrants then.

Finn waves the paper in the air.

INSPECTOR FINN
A squadron of French Dragoons
lurking in the graveyard according
to this!

Billy sniggers.

SEPTIMIUS
(tongue in cheek)
Ah well. Maybe it’s to the good. At
least we’ll be able to search the
graveyard.

INSPECTOR FINN
These…these creatures then. Do
you think bullets will knock them
down?

SEPTIMIUS
Creatures! Why Finn you’ve been
reading to much in the press. I can
assure you from what I’ve seen
they’ll fall down as quick as you
or I! And bleed too!

INSPECTOR FINN
It’s just

A rattle is heard deeper in the laboratory. Something has
been knocked over.

SEPTIMIUS
Hello what’s that eh?

INSPECTOR FINN
(weakly)
A rat?

BILLY
There’s no rats in my laboratory.
At least not the ones with four
legs.

SEPTIMIUS
(to Billy)
We’d better take a look.
(to Victoria)
Would you guard the gallant
Inspector my dear?

VICTORIA
Stop it Septimius.

Finn glares at Septimius and Billy as they investigate the
recesses.

Septimius and Billy return.

SEPTIMIUS
A sample jar fell. Nothings to
worry about.

BILLY
It didn’t jump of that shelf itself
did it.

SEPTIMIUS
The window was open. A gust.

BILLY
It’d take a bloody big

SEPTIMIUS
Billy! A gust.

Billy retreats muttering about rats and gusts.

INSPECTOR FINN
Well that’s settled then. Gust or
no gusts I’m placing a guard upon
you two

SEPTIMIUS
Really not

VICTORIA
But Finn dear we

INSPECTOR FINN
(smirking)
To protect the public!

INT. FINN’S HOUSE – EVENING
Inspector Finn returns home to a modest two-up, two-down. He
lets himself in through the front door.

INSPECTOR FINN
Hello all! I’m home!

Silence greets him as he looks into the living room –
nobody.

INSPECTOR FINN (cont’d)
Hello Mary! Are you in the kitchen?

Finn enters the kitchen and stops. Mary, his wife, is
sitting at the far end of the room; the two children are
clinging to her.

INSPECTOR FINN (cont’d)
Hello love. Why so

The kitchen door swings closed behind him. Finn turns round
and sees six rough looking characters. They smile revealing
sharpened teeth.
Finn draws a leather Billy Club from his coat pocket.

INSPECTOR FINN (cont’d)
Get out! Get out now! I’m warning
you!

The cannibals advance.

INSPECTOR FINN (cont’d)
I’m a policeman! Get out of

CANNIBAL #1
What you going to do Bulkie. Hit us
with yer wee stick?

Finn hardens his stance.

INSPECTOR FINN
Come on then. But mark I’ll see you
hang for this.

CANNIBAL #1
Unlikely you’ll be seeing much of
anything no more. Grab him boys!

The cannibals seize Finn and pin him to the ground face up.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
Don’t over worry this. We’re not
going to kill you just yet. Spin
him over boys.

The cannibals spin Finn onto his face.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
D’ye know how we keep the meat
fresh Inspector?

The cannibal draws out a small chisel and holds it for Finn
to see.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
We cuts the spine close up the
neck. That’s way they don’t die but
they can’t move neither.

Finn screams and struggles but is held. The lead cannibal
crouches down and severs his C-Spine. Finn’s struggles cease
as though a string has been cut but he can still scream and
plead.

INSPECTOR FINN
Please no! Not my family please!

CANNIBAL #1
(pulls over a kitchen
chair)
Haul him up boys.

Finn is screaming and pleading for his family.

INSPECTOR FINN
You bastards! I’ll make sure you
all die!

CANNIBAL #1
Ach! You’re terrible noisy for a
dead man.
(to the other cannibals)
Hold his mouth open!

Finn struggles, resists as best he can. Refuses to open his
mouth. The cannibals look to their leader.

Cannibal #1 seizes Finn’s daughter and caresses her face.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
Open wide now boy or I’ll cut her
wee face off. You know I will.

Finn slumps then slowly opens his mouth.

Cannibal #1 pushes Finn’s daughter back to her mother then
advances and pins Finn’s tongue with a small sharp knife.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
Stop yer wriggling or I’ll kill
her.
(to another cannibal)
Give us yer knife now!

A larger knife is handed over.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
Ah! That’s better.

Cannibal #1 works at Finn’s mouth the withdraws his hand
holding Finn’s tongue. He hold it up for the others to see.

Finn, paralyzed, trashes his head making empty grunting
noises.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
And now to business boys.

Cannibal #1 sweeps everything off the kitchen table.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
And now to business boys. Bring the
first one up. And spin your man
round so he gets a good eyeful.

One of the Cannibal seizes a child. The others move Finn’s
chair so that he has to watch.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
No, no! Not that one.
(indicates Mary)
Do her first. We’re not monsters.
You don’t torture the livestock, it
makes the meat taste sour.

Mary is seized and held face up on the table. She screams as
they cut out her liver. Mary is pushed off the table and
lies moaning weakly.

The children are then hauled up one by one and their livers
harvested.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
I hope this has been a wee lesson
for you Inspector. And you’ll tell
your…oh that’s right you can’t.
Never mind I’ll leave a wee note.

Cannibal #1 picks up Finn’s bloody tongue and writes on the
wall “KEEP OUT OF THE GRAVEYARD!”.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
That should get our message across.

Cannibal #1 picks up one of the children’s livers and tastes
it.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
Mmmm…sweet. A wee taste
Inspector?

Finn groans.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
No then? Well then…we can’t leave
you looking like this.

Cannibal #1 picks up a knife and slowly cuts Finn’s face
off.

CANNIBAL #1 (cont’d)
A wee memento of this moment. Well
we’ll be on our way then. I’ll
leave you and your family to
reflect on your folly.

INT. LABORATORY – LATER

Septimius and Victoria are working late when a policeman
bursts in.

POLICEMAN #1
Doctor, doctor! Something dreadful
has happened!

Other police burst in bearing stretchers.

BILLY
Over here boys. On this trolley and

Billy pulls another trolley over

BILLY (cont’d)
And here. This one.

A stretcher is upset and a child’s body falls to the floor.

Victoria picks up the child’s body.

VICTORIA
Oh the poor…this is Elizabeth!
Finn’s youngest…why

Victoria takes it all in.

VICTORIA (cont’d)
And Mary and…oh God wee Henry…
Dear God Finn himself!

SEPTIMIUS
Finn. My God. What has happened?

POLICEMAN #1
It was horrible Doctor. I never
seen the likes. Those poor wee
children.

SEPTIMIUS
But what

A Magistrate enters with more police.

MAGISTRATE
Doctor.

SEPTIMIUS
Poor Finn. Sir, what has happened
here?

They were found when their maid returned from running her
errands. All dead.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
But who?

MAGISTRATE
There was a message written on the
wall. A message which concerns me
greatly warning us to keep clear of
the old graveyard.

SEPTIMIUS
The old graveyard? But…do you
think

MAGISTRATE
And that is what I want you to
confirm. If they have been murdered
by the same hand as before then…
then I will have the whole place
dug up and anyone in there burnt…
alive or dead! And to hell with any
objections.

SEPTIMIUS
With the upmost dispatch. Victoria
I’ll not need you for

VICTORIA
I’ll not leave you to

SEPTIMIUS
I must but I desire you to leave
this to Billy and myself.

VICTORIA
They were my friends also.

SEPTIMIUS
And that’s how I want you to
remember them.

VICTORIA
But

SEPTIMIUS
Please.
(to PC Little)
Constable would you escort my wife
home please?

MAGISTRATE
(to PC Little)
And remain there until relieved.

P.C. LITTLE
As you wish Gentlemen.
(to Septimius)
Never fear sir. You look after
Inspector Finn…and the little
ones too.
(to Victoria)
Ma’am?

VICTORIA
(to Magistrate)
Sir, my husband? Will

MAGISTRATE
Upon my honour. I will leave men
here to watch over him.

VICTORIA
Thank you.

Victoria gathers her belongings.

VICTORIA (cont’d)
(to PC Little)
I’m ready.

They both start to leave.

VICTORIA (cont’d)
(to Septimius)
Be careful my love.

SEPTIMIUS
I will. I’ll be home
(indicates the carnage)
As…as soon as I can.

We notice that Victoria has left her pistol on the desk.

VICTORIA
Sooner for I shall not sleep until
you are home safe with me.

Victoria and Little PC leave.

SEPTIMIUS
Well Billy shall we begin?
(to Finn. Draws sheet
back.)
Hello old friend.

INT. STREET – EVENING

P.C. Little and Victoria are walking when a rough gang
surround them.

Victoria looks in her handbag .

VICTORIA
Oh! I’ve forgotten it. It must be
on the desk!

P.C. Little draws his baton and puts Victoria behind him.

P.C. LITTLE
You stand back here Miss. Now you
wait until I’ve started giving this
lot a taste of their own and you
get yourself away as quick as you
can.

VICTORIA
I can’t leave you!

P.C. LITTLE
Bless you. Now don’t you be
worrying about me Miss. I’ve
handled worse many a time.
(to cannibals)
Right youse lot! Come and take your
chances.

Victoria runs away as the gang draw their claws and advance.
ACT 2

EXT. GRAVEYARD – MORNING

The mist is on the ground as a crowd of policemen gather
around a decapitated body in a police uniform lying outside
the gates of the graveyard. The head is mounted on the
spikes of the railings.

Septimius arrives on foot and pushes through.

SEPTIMIUS
Have you found her? Where is she?

MAGISTRATE
I’m sorry Doctor but there is no
sign of your wife here.

SEPTIMIUS
She is gone all night.
(points at body)
Is this Little?

MAGISTRATE
(indicating head on
spike)
Indeed it is he

SEPTIMIUS
Poor man. How

A policeman approaches.

POLICEMAN #1
(touches brim of hat)
Begging your pardon Sir but we
found this here up by the wall.

The policemen proffers the item to the Magistrate but
Septimius snatches it first.

SEPTIMIUS
This is Victoria’s! This is her
glove! I saw it last night and I

MAGISTRATE
(to policeman)
Exactly where did you find this?

POLICEMAN #1
By the old postern gate Sir.
(points)
Up there Sir. Outside the wall
where they used to

SEPTIMIUS
This proves it. Sir, you must force
open these gates and allow your men
to search.

A rumble of agreement from the police.

MAGISTRATE
(to police)
Damn you mind your p’s and q’s.
(to Septimius)
I have applied to the authorities
that own this place and have sought
permission.

SEPTIMIUS
And Sir, what of it?

MAGISTRATE
And have been denied permission
from the clergy. They have
threatened that any entry by the
police into the graveyard will be
resisted. And I do not have the
manpower to force entry against an
angry mob.

SEPTIMIUS
But they care naught whom they
kill. Protestant nor Papist.

MAGISTRATE
I have made that point Sir but to
no avail. We cannot afford

SEPTIMIUS
But Victoria, my wife, she is in
there. She may be in danger!

MAGISTRATE
The Chief Magistrate is in
communication with the Cardinal. We
may pray that better sense
prevails.

SEPTIMIUS
And the Militia? Will they not
assist?

MAGISTRATE
The Major insists that they wait
upon the reinforcements from
Dublin.

SEPTIMIUS
But

MAGISTRATE
You have my word Sir. Militia or
not we shall force entry tomorrow
morning and the Cardinal be damned.

The police raise a quiet cheer.

SEPTIMIUS
We cannot

MAGISTRATE
I am sorry Sir but my hands are
tied and

SEPTIMIUS
But mine are not! I shall

MAGISTRATE
You shall not Sir and if you try to
breach these walls you will be
arrested!

SEPTIMIUS
(stiffly)
Have your men bring Constable
Little’s head to my laboratory at
once. Good-day to you Sir.

INT. LABORATORY – EVENING

Septimius examines P.C. Little’s remains. He lifts the head
and carries it over to his dissection bench.

BILLY
Here Doctor. Where you going with
that?

SEPTIMIUS
Poor old Little may have been the
last person to see my Victoria.

BILLY
Well he’s not going to tell you now
is he?

Septimius busies himself extracting the eyeballs from PC
Little’s head.

SEPTIMIUS
A Doctor Kühne is investigating the
science of extracting images from
the dead.
(slicing the eyeballs in
half.)
He feels that if we could recover
the last vision from the victim’s
retina we would greatly advance the
cause of police science.

Billy is examining Little’s remains.

BILLY
They’ve had a good go at this poor
beggar. Those claws are

SEPTIMIUS
The liver?

Billy checks.

BILLY
No, still there. I reckon Little
took lumps of them. Maybe they
weren’t too peckish after tangling
with him.

SEPTIMIUS
Mmmm…where’s that Sodium light?

BILLY
It’s where you left it!

SEPTIMIUS
When did I

A noise.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
Rats?

BILLY
There’s no blooming rats in my
laboratory.

Septimius slowly reaches for his talwar. Billy looks around
and picks up his broom. Snapping of the mop he is left with
a jagged point.

The sound of claws being dragged over the laboratory benches
approaches.

BILLY (cont’d)
(quietly assuming a
bayonet fighting
position)
Stand fast the 18th.

SEPTIMIUS
I wish General Rose was with us.
Come out, come out and show
yourselves!

BILLY
(snorts)
Rose! Pansy by name pansy by
nature. Now them Maori them

The Cannibals come into view.

BILLY (cont’d)
was proper men.

Billy and Septimius go back to back as the Cannibals
advance.

A fight ensues. Septimius kills one with his talwar and
grievously wounds another. Billy bayonets one through the
throat then snatches up a flagon of acid and throws it over
another.

Police whistles sound as they approach the laboratory. The
attackers melt away leaving their wounded.

POLICEMAN #1
Are you all right Doctor?

SEPTIMIUS
Yes yes I’m intact thank you.

Billy walks around the wounded dispatching them.

BILLY
(grumbles)
Not a word about me.

SEPTIMIUS
I’m sure we would have heard you if
you had been unfortunate enough to
be killed. I fact I doubt we would
have heard anything else for a very
long time.
(beat)
Or wounded for that matter.

Another policeman rushes in.

POLICEMAN #2
We chased them to the graveyard!
(to Billy)
Here what you doing?

BILLY
No prisoners son, not now. We’re
past that.

EXT. STREET – EVENING

A young flower girl is walking barefoot in the street. It is
clod and wet. She spies a porch and takes refuge. Drawing
her shawl around her she huddles in a corner.

A well-dressed man approaches.

HOUSEHOLDER
(fumbling with his key)
Here, what are you doing here?

FLOWERGIRL
Oh I’m sorry sir. If I could just
rest awhile. I’ll be

HOUSEHOLDER
Get the Hell out of that or I’ll
throw a bucket of water over ye.

EXT. STREET – LATER

We see the Flowergirl at the gates of the graveyard.
Tentatively she pushes and silently they open.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – EVENING

The door of a Crypt is ajar and she pushes it open and
enters. It is dark, dank with rubbish strewn over the floor.
She moves into a corner and settles for the night.

INT. CRYPT – EVENING

The flower girl hears noises. She strikes a match and
reveals a crowd of cannibal.

FLOWERGIRL
Oh please sirs! I ain’t doing no
harm! If I could just have this
little corner?

The Cannibals descend on the flower girl.

CANNIBAL #1
Keep the meat fresh!

FLOWERGIRL
Oh please God no! No

INT. GRAVEYARD – LATER

Septimius is by himself searching the graveyard for traces
of Victoria. He hears a noise behind him.

SEPTIMIUS
Hello! Is anybody there?

No response but further noises to his left and rear.

Septimius hurries on and come to a walkway cutting across
his path.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
Bother now…I think.

Septimius takes the left fork and follows it for a while but
come to a dead end. He potters about looking when ore noises
this time much closer.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
Hello! I can hear you I warn you I
am armed!

Septimius now lost hurries…twists and turns…every way
looks the same…is he going in circles…he sees an firure
appear out off the gloaming.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
I warn you I’m armed!

GATEKEEPER
That’s not necessary Sir. Are you
lost?

SEPTIMIUS
Why yes I seem to be. Who are you?

GATEKEEPER
I’m the Gatekeeper Sir. Yes this
part of the graveyard can be
confusing…especially at night.
Out for a walk then?

SEPTIMIUS
Eh yes. I thought I’d look around
and see what I could see.

GATEKEEPER
Well if you have had enough for the
night Sir allow me to guide you
back.

SEPTIMIUS
Yes indeed. If you would be so
kind.

They reach the Lodge by the gates.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
Well thank you.

GATEKEEPER
Not at all Sir. Now if that’s you I
need to lock the gates.

SEPTIMIUS
Yes yes that’s most kind…tell me
are you alone here?

GATEKEEPER
Alone? Well there’s me and the wife
if that’s what you mean?

SEPTIMIUS
No I mean is there anybody else…
here. Living in this place.

GATEKEEPER
As I say Sir it’s time for me to
close the gates.

Septimius slips the gatekeeper a few coins.

SEPTIMIUS
For your trouble. No I mean apart
from you and you wife.

The Gatekeeper pauses then look around slowly. He points to
several large mounds.

GATEKEEPER
See those sir? Those queer humps?

SEPTIMIUS
Yes indeed. What of them?

GATEKEEPER
They’re called the famine pits Sir.

SEPTIMIUS
What of them?

GATEKEEPER
Mind what I heard from my father
now. He kept this place afore me.
Well he told me in the times of the
great hunger they’d bury the dead
in those.

SEPTIMIUS
Yes. What off it?

GATEKEEPER
Well sometimes they weren’t too
picky going about it. If you looked
at death’s door they’d often throw
you on the dead cart anyway. Save
themselves two journeys if you
like.

SEPTIMIUS
It was a terrible time. Thankfully
we are more civilized nowadays.

GATEKEEPER
Well I was told that some managed
to claw their way through the dead
to the surface and sought shelter
in the old parts of graveyard.

SEPTIMIUS
And you think they are still there?

GATEKEEPER
(Alarmed)
Look ye I told you a story my
father told me. Now you have to
leave Sir.

SEPTIMIUS
But does this

GATEKEEPER
I don’t look for no trouble. I
guard the walls and keep the gate.
Now Sir
(indicates gates)
If you don’t mind?
ACT 3

INT. GRAVEYARD – AFTERNOON
A company of Militia, together with police, are assembled
outside the graveyard gates.
Septimius approaches the Magistrate.

SEPTIMIUS
Good Day Sir.

MAGISTRATE
Ah and good day to you Doctor.

SEPTIMIUS
I see you got your troops.

MAGISTRATE
(laughs)
The gallant Major’s reinforcements
arrived early this morning. Too
early for some from the cut of
them.

SEPTIMIUS
(laughs)
Yes I’d wager our happy warriors
would rather be home in barracks
that out on a day like this.

Septimius indicates the crowd inside the graveyard blocking
the entrance.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
I’d didn’t expect such objections.
Did we not get permission from the
Archbishop himself?

MAGISTRATE
The Archbishop managed to sooth the
Ribbonmen but this lot
(he indicates the mob)
are led by these damned American
Fenians. There is no reasoning with
them.

SEPTIMIUS
But they know that most of the
victims have been Papists?

A volley of stones thrown by a crowd that has gathered
behind the Militia and rattles at the gates.

MAGISTRATE
Damnit! The Orangemen are getting
restless. The last thing I want is
another faction fight! The people
are still hot after that Fenian
damned rebellion.
(The Magistrate rushes
off)
Major! Major! Where is he damnit!
Serjeants, serjeants! Push that mob
back damnit!

The Police form a line against the Orangemen and start to
push them back.

Inside the Priests seem to have asserted control and are
leading the people in a Mass. The Fenians are hanging back
looking annoyed.
Dusk falls and torch lights are lit.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – LATER

The Priests are leading the people in a religious ceremony
held to cleanse the graveyard of evil.

We see the cannibals gathering. One or two in the gloom
amongst the stones, then more.

The Priests and people inside the graveyard have noticed and
are starting to huddle together.

MAGISTRATE
(rattles the gate)
Damnit! Open the gate! Let us in!

The cannibals attack the people in the graveyard. Priests,
nuns, the lot are being butchered.

The Orange mob has fallen silent.

MAGISTRATE (cont’d)
Open this gate! Damnit where is the
Major?

The Major stumbles out of the carriage where he has been
picnicking. His napkin is still tucked into his collar.

MAGISTRATE (cont’d)
Damnit! There you are! Get this
gate open now!

The Major runs off shouting for his Serjeant Major.

MAGISTRATE (cont’d)
(exasperated)
Damnit!
(points to a file of
Militia)
You lot! Get that damn gate open!

CORPORAL
Bur Sir

MAGISTRATE
Get it open now!

The Militia start working on the lock of the iron gates.

SEPTIMIUS
No! Lift the gates off their
hinges!

MAGISTRATE
Yes! Lift those damn gates!
(gestures to Major at the
head of more Militia)
D’ye hear me! Lift those gates off
now!

The police and military burst through the gates and join the
fight as survivors pass though them.

MAJOR
Fix bayonets Lads! Forward!

The cannibals quickly melt away.

MAJOR (cont’d)
Stand and fight you cowards!

MAGISTRATE
(to Major)
Have your men spread out search for
the Tinkers.

MAJOR
(stiffly)
This men are under my command Sir!

MAGISTRATE
The command them to follow my
suggestion damnit!

The Major turns to comply.

MAJOR
Serjeant Major! Serjeant Major!

MAGISTRATE
Oh and Major.

MAJOR
Sir?

MAGISTRATE
If you’ve finished dining Sir
perhaps the napkin is superfluous?

The Major snatches off the napkin and storms off.

MAJOR
Serjeant Major! Serjeant Major!

MAGISTRATE
(to Septimius)
No wonder we bloody nearly lost
India.

It is dark now and the searchers are using torches.

MAGISTRATE (cont’d)
Head Constable! Where’s Henry?

A Head Constable approaches.

MAGISTRATE (cont’d)
Ah Henry what transpires outside
the gate?

HEAD CONSTABLE
Quiet now Sir. They’re not so full
of piss and vinegar now they’ve
seen what could await them.

MAGISTRATE
Well and good.

SEPTIMIUS
And inside the graveyard? Have we a
tally on the Butcher’s bill?

HEAD CONSTABLE
I’d say about a dozen Papists
Doctor. There’s some were taken out
with them as they fled but

MAGISTRATE
A dozen! But what of the Tinkers?

HEAD CONSTABLE
Well Sir, that’s a queer thing.
There’s none to be found, some
blood on the ground perhaps but
they seem to have taken their
fallen with them.

The Serjeant Major approaches.

SERJEANT MAJOR
Good evening gentlemen.

MAGISTRATE
Ah Serjeant Major welcome. Where
pray is the Major?

SERJEANT MAJOR
The Major presents his compliments
and feels that since the battle is
won his talents would be of better
use in Musgrave Barracks.

MAGISTRATE
We are bereft at his loss but must
bow to his experience. So what can
you tell us?

SERJEANT MAJOR
I have the Company spread out in
half dozen packets throughout the
graveyard but it’s difficult to
seen blood on the ground in this
light.

MAGISTRATE
Did you suffer any losses?

SERJEANT MAJOR
One or two with sore backs from my
cane but thankfully no losses.

MAGISTRATE
Maybe we should hold the area until
daylight and

SEPTIMIUS
No Sir! We must stay at the job in
hand.

MAGISTRATE
Doctor! At night when we cannot see
a hand in front of our faces bar
the courtesy of a torch. What use

SEPTIMIUS
It will be just as dark underground
day or night.

SERJEANT MAJOR
Underground! By God what

HEAD CONSTABLE
He’s right. We’re here. We may as
well put and end to it.

SERJEANT MAJOR
But where

SEPTIMIUS
Think about it man. The cannibals
attacked then faded away taking
their dead and wounded with them.
(Septimius looks around)
But I see them not…do you…have
your men found them?

SERJEANT MAJOR
No.

SEPTIMIUS
Well then if they are not above
ground they must be below. In the
old crypts which I warrant they
have constructed a rat-run of
tunnels between.

MAGISTRATE
Tunnels?

SEPTIMIUS
It is a logical step if you seek to
live, to move around in this place
without being seen.

SERJEANT MAJOR
Sir, whoever you are, you’re fair
making my flesh crawl at the
thought of going

SEPTIMIUS
Nevertheless I must go. Victoria is
still missing and below ground is
the likelyist place she is being
held.

MAGISTRATE
Well then what do you say Serjeant
Major?

SERJEANT MAJOR
My men will do their duty above or

HEAD CONSTABLE
No. We’ll go.

MAGISTRATE
Henry?

HEAD CONSTABLE
With all due respect them’s our men
lying it the carnal house
(indicates the serjeant
major)
Not your’s.

A silence.

MAGISTRATE
Well then that’s decided. Henry if
you were to take your men to search
the crypts and any tunnels you may
find and

SERJEANT MAJOR
You flush ’em out and we’ll finish
the job.

HEAD CONSTABLE
(nods)
Serjeants! Four squads with
lanterns…and issue cutlasses!

INT. LABORATORY – EVENING

Billy is working alone on the gantry lowering in a fresh
corpse. We see it cracking and fizzing as the acid stripes
the flesh from the bones.

Railings run along both sides of the gantry but on one side
is replaced by a chain which is undone to allow the hoists
room to function.

BILLY
Rats he says. I’ll give him bloody

Billy stiffens. Slowly turns round to see a pair of
cannibals at one end of the gantry. A quick look to his rear
shows another pair at the other end. No escape.

BILLY (cont’d)
Rats!

CANNIBAL #1
Time to die old man.

The cannibals close in scraping their claws along the
railings.

BILLY
I may have something to say about
that.

CANNIBAL #1
Nobody’s asking.

BILLY
You talk too much boy.

The cannibals advance.

Billy swings the pulley block around catching one of the
cannibals full in the face; he falls to his knees.

BILLY (cont’d)
Not so clever now!

Billy rushes past the fallen cannibal. There is only one
standing between him and freedom.

Billy jabs his thumbs in the remaining cannibals eyes. The
cannibal howls.

BILLY (cont’d)
Ha! Belfast rules boy.

CANNIBAL #1
(rushing forward)
Seize him!

More cannibals climb onto the gantry blocking Billy’s exit.

BILLY
(singing low and quiet)
Abide with me, fast falls the
eventide
The darkness deepens Lord, with me
abide
When other helpers fail and
comforts flee
Help of the helpless, oh, abide
with me

CANNIBAL #1
There’s no God here.

BILLY
(sings)
I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to
bless
Ills have no weight, and tears no
bitterness

The cannibals hold Billy tight. He struggles but cannot
break free.

The leader approaches and pokes Billy in the stomach.

CANNIBAL #1
I shall enjoy cutting you open and
feasting.

BILLY
(singing)
Where is death’s sting?
Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with
me.
(He stares directly at
the cannibal leader)
I’ve shit better than you.

Billy suddenly grasps the belts of the two cannibals holding
him.

BILLY (cont’d)
(singing)
Where is death’s sting?
Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with
me.

Holding tight Billy steps back and all three fall into the
acid bath.

INT. CRYPT – EVENING

Septimius and the police push the door open and enter the
crypt. They stagger back with the stench.

A policeman vomits in the corner.

Septimius holds up his lantern. The floor is strewn with
bones. Septimius picks one up and examines it.

SEPTIMIUS
Human. Gentlemen I think we are
closing in on the nest.

POLICEMAN #1
Serjeant look you here!

It is the Flowergirl in a corner. Her face has been cut off.

POLICE SERJEANT
My God!

Septimius prods her face with a finger.

SEPTIMIUS
I think

The Flowergirl moans. Everybody recoils.

POLICEMAN #1
She’s alive! Doctor?

Septimius pauses then draws out a small scalpel. A thrust,
the body judders then relaxes.

POLICE SERJEANT
Doctor! What have

SEPTIMIUS
A kindness Serjeant, the only one I
could offer.

POLICEMAN #1
But

SEPTIMIUS
Gentlemen we must keep moving. Has
anyone found an entrance?

POLICEMAN #2
Here Sir. Look my candle is
guttering.

POLICE SERJEANT
Quick lads move them coffins out of
the way!

The coffins are moved and the Serjeant traces the outline of
a door with his finger.

POLICE SERJEANT (cont’d)
You’re right. Quick your cutlasses.
Pry this open!

The door is opened and the party reel back clutching their
noses.

POLICE SERJEANT (cont’d)
Dear God!

POLICEMAN #2
What manner of men are these?

POLICEMAN #1
The stink of them!

SEPTIMIUS
Nevertheless we must go forward.
Serjeant might I suggest that one
of your men notify the Magistrate
of our finding and that we are
entering a tunnel?

POLICE SERJEANT
Yes I think…
(points to a policeman)
It’s your lucky day son. Run back
and tell the Magistrate what we’ve
found and that we are now to
investigate this tunnel. Go on lad
hurry!

A policeman runs off.

POLICE SERJEANT (cont’d)
Ready lads? Doctor if you would
fall in behind?

SEPTIMIUS
Serjeant it’s my wife that

POLICE SERJEANT
And it’s my duty to try and keep
you safe.

The party moves into the tunnel with the Serjeant in the
lead. Septimius brings up the rear.

INT. TUNNELS – EVENING

The tunnel is narrow and dark. In places they are forced to
their knees. At times it divides. Noises are heard echoing
around them.

SEPTIMIUS
Wait for me.

Silence.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
Serjeant!

VOICE
(faint echo)
Doctor.

Septimius is confronted with a junction. He listens.

VOICE (cont’d)
(faint)
Doctor.

SEPTIMIUS
Damn it! Serjeant!

Confused sounds.

Septimius hesitates then plunges to the left.

He comes across a dead policeman, then another. Terrified
Septimius tries to turn around but hears sounds approaching
from behind.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
(screams)
Serjeant! Serjeant! I’m here!

The sound of claws on stone.

Septimius plunges ahead left, right, whatever. He is
sobbing.

A light ahead. A grill. He can see the stars through the
bars.

SEPTIMIUS (cont’d)
(hysterical)
Help me! help me! Please for the
love of God they’re coming!

The sound of claws on stones gets louder.

Figures appear outside the grill.

SERJEANT MAJOR
Who’s that?

SEPTIMIUS
It’s me Doctor Grant! Please for
the love of God they’re coming!

SERJEANT MAJOR
Right lads get the good Doctor out
now.

Strong fingers, bayonets make short work of the grill and
Septimius is pulled

SEPTIMIUS
(screams)
Oh God they have me! Help!

SERJEANT MAJOR
Pull lads. Here give me that!

The Serjeant Major seizes a musket with fixed bayonet and
thrusts it frantically into the tunnel behind Septimius.

A squeal and Septimius comes free. His trousers are shredded
and his legs bloody.

Septimius scrabbles away from the exit.

SEPTIMIUS
Burn them! Burn them!

SERJEANT MAJOR
Now Doctor we

SEPTIMIUS
They’re all dead! There’s nothing
alive there! Burn them! Burn them
all!

EXT. GRAVEYARD – EVENING

POLICEMAN #1
More tar here! More tar!

Barrels of tar are manhandled of a cart and poured down the
tunnel exit.

MAGISTRATE
All clear now! All clear!

HEAD CONSTABLE
We’re ready Sir!

MAGISTRATE
Very good. Serjeant Major as soon
as your men are ready we will light
the fires.

SERJEANT MAJOR
Ready lads. Fix bayonets and ready
yourselves.
(to Magistrate)
We’re ready Sir.

MAGISTRATE
Then light the fires and God help
us all.

Burning Cannibals flee from unexpected exits. The police and
military hunt them down.

MAGISTRATE (cont’d)
View halloo! View halloo! There’s a
pair making a break for it!

Militia quickly intercept them and finish them off.

MAGISTRATE (cont’d)
Well killed sirs! Well killed!
B’God this takes me back!

INT. TUNNELS – NIGHT
The leader of the cannibals leads the last members of his
tribe to safety through the tunnels. They seem to have a
prisoner, we see a flash of Victoria’s clothes from the
back.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAWN

Mopping up.
Police guards are found with their throats cut by a postern
gate which lies open.

SEPTIMIUS
(knees down to examine
the bodies, to
Magistrate)
We have a problem.

MAGISTRATE
How so?

SEPTIMIUS
These poor souls have died within
the hour.

MAGISTRATE
Damnit! That means

SEPTIMIUS
Some have escaped.

INT. LABORATORY – EVENING

Septimius is working in the lab. It is late.

SEPTIMIUS
Victoria would you pass

He pauses for a moment then returns to his work.

INT. ELSEWHERE – EVENING
We see the surviving cannibals in a dark dank place. They
are worshipping the figure of a man with the head of a goat.
It turns and looks directly at us.

</div>

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Jeremy Cooke. Reason: formatting

[Jeremy Cooke]

INT. FINN’S HOUSE – EVENING

Inspector Finn returns home to a modest two-up, two-down. He lets himself in through the front door.

INSPECTOR FINN

Hello all! I’m home!

Silence greets him as he looks into the living room – nobody.

INSPECTOR FINN

Hello Mary! Are you in the kitchen?

Finn enters the kitchen and stops. Mary, his wife, is sitting at the far end of the room; the two children are clinging to her.

INSPECTOR FINN

Hello love. Why so

The kitchen door swings closed behind him. Finn turns round and sees six rough looking characters. They smile revealing sharpened teeth.

Finn draws a leather Billy Club from his coat pocket.

INSPECTOR FINN

Get out! Get out now! I’m warning you!

The cannibals advance.

INSPECTOR FINN

I’m a policeman! Get out of

CANNIBAL #1

What you going to do Bulkie. Hit us with yer wee stick?

Finn hardens his stance.

INSPECTOR FINN

Come on then. But mark I’ll see you hang for this.

CANNIBAL #1

Unlikely you’ll be seeing much of anything no more. Grab him boys!

The cannibals seize Finn and pin him to the ground face up.

CANNIBAL #1

Don’t over worry this. We’re not going to kill you just yet. Spin him over boys.

The cannibals spin Finn onto his face.

CANNIBAL #1

D’ye know how we keep the meat fresh Inspector?

The cannibal draws out a small chisel and holds it for Finn to see.

CANNIBAL #1

We cuts the spine close up the neck. That’s way they don’t die but they can’t move neither.

Finn screams and struggles but is held. The lead cannibal crouches down and severs his C-Spine. Finn’s struggles cease as though a string has been cut but he can still scream and plead.

INSPECTOR FINN

Please no! Not my family please!

CANNIBAL #1

(pulls over a kitchen chair)

Haul him up boys.

Finn is screaming and pleading for his family.

INSPECTOR FINN

You bastards! I’ll make sure you all die!

CANNIBAL #1

Ach! You’re terrible noisy for a dead man.

(to the other cannibals)

Hold his mouth open!

Finn struggles, resists as best he can. Refuses to open his mouth. The cannibals look to their leader.

Cannibal #1 seizes Finn’s daughter and caresses her face.

CANNIBAL #1

Open wide now boy or I’ll cut her wee face off. You know I will.

Finn slumps then slowly opens his mouth.

Cannibal #1 pushes Finn’s daughter back to her mother then advances and pins Finn’s tongue with a small sharp knife.

CANNIBAL #1

Stop yer wriggling or I’ll kill her.

(to another cannibal)

Give us yer knife now!

A larger knife is handed over.

CANNIBAL #1

Ah! That’s better.

Cannibal #1 works at Finn’s mouth the withdraws his hand holding Finn’s tongue. He hold it up for the others to see.

Finn, paralyzed, trashes his head making empty grunting noises.

CANNIBAL #1

And now to business boys.

Cannibal #1 sweeps everything off the kitchen table.

CANNIBAL #1

And now to business boys. Bring the first one up. And spin your man round so he gets a good eyeful.

One of the Cannibal seizes a child. The others move Finn’s chair so that he has to watch.

CANNIBAL #1

No, no! Not that one.

(indicates Mary)

Do her first. We’re not monsters. You don’t torture the livestock, it makes the meat taste sour.

Mary is seized and held face up on the table. She screams as they cut out her liver. Mary is pushed off the table and lies moaning weakly.

The children are then hauled up one by one and their livers harvested.

CANNIBAL #1

I hope this has been a wee lesson for you Inspector. And you’ll tell your…oh that’s right you can’t. Never mind I’ll leave a wee note.

Cannibal #1 picks up Finn’s bloody tongue and writes on the wall “KEEP OUT OF THE GRAVEYARD!”.

CANNIBAL #1

That should get our message across.

Cannibal #1 picks up one of the children’s livers and tastes it.

CANNIBAL #1

Mmmm…sweet. A wee taste Inspector?

Finn groans.

CANNIBAL #1

No then? Well then…we can’t leave you looking like this.

Cannibal #1 picks up a knife and slowly cuts Finn’s face off.

CANNIBAL #1

A wee memento of this moment. Well we’ll be on our way then. I’ll leave you and your family to reflect on your folly.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Title: The Famine Pit by Jeremy Cooke v1

Logline: A gang of cannibals secreted in an underground labyrinth under a disused graveyard in early 1860 Belfast are hunting and devouring people to the alarm and distress of all.

Horror Outline: You threw us into the famine pits as though we were cattle, less than cattle, indifferent to whether we were alive or dead. Our parents clawed their way out and found both refuge and sustenance within these walls. But you have stopped using this place, stopped bringing us fresh food, so now we have to hunt further afield.

ACT 1
1 INT. LABORATORY – EVENING
The year is 1862 and Septimius, together with his wife Victoria are working, in their laboratory within The Queen’s University, Belfast, on the corpse of an man executed that morning. It is a large room with sheeted cadavers laid out in trolleys. Septimius finishes his task and bends straight and asks Victoria to pass him his”slasher”. Victoria Passes him an Indian Talwar which he uses to disfigure the corpse. “That’s enough I think. That poor devil has enough for one day”. Septimius then calls to Billy, the Porter, to take the corpse to the “purification chamber” and Billy grumbles as he wheels the corpse away. “There’s been funny goings-on in there”.
The doors crash open and two policemen reverse in with a corpse on a stretcher. They call out a cheery hello and dump the corpse on an empty trolley. Inspector Finn presents his compliments and would the Doctor cast his eye over the corpse of a vagrant?
Billy undresses the corpse and covers it with a sheet. Billy indicates a large tank filled with liquid which has several corpses floating in it. “This one will need the acid in it renewed Doctor”. “Tomorrow Billy, tomorrow- the dead can always wait”.
Septimius casts an eye over the corpse and remarks that the teeth have been filed to razor sharpness. “Good God Victoria, have you seen this?”. Victoria intervenes and reminds Septimius that they are dining with her parents this evening. Septimius reluctantly rinses his hands. Tomorrow will be soon enough.

2 INT. LABORATORY – MORNING
They are standing looking at chaos. Billy remarks that that vagrant has “up and disappeared on them”. On examination several bodies have been disturbed and their livers are missing. Billy shows us the “purification chamber” and the faces have been removed from all the corpses. Victoria questions why the livers have been removes and Septimius replies “Perhaps the game was too high for their tastes”.
Inspector Finn arrives and asks if this is the way Septimius and Victoria are running their experiments. Billy grumbles.
Septimius points out that if they can proves Monsieur Pasteur’s theories on purification that he, Inspector Finn, may be grateful some day. Victoria intercedes and asks Inspector Finn how his family are – they must come to supper some day.
Septimius explains what has happened and Inspector Finn tells us he has suspected a gang of thieves and grave robbers are operating from the old graveyard.
“It’s happened before, many times, but the authorities have been keeping it secret”.

“I have tried but they are leery for Protestant police to tread upon a Catholic burial ground after the recent disturbances”

“Well then you must prevail on the Magistrates to bring in the Military since they are better thought off in the round”

Inspector Finn introduces P.C. Little who will keep a special watch on the laboratory on his nightly patrols.

Billy is going through the missing corpse’s effects when he finds what looks like a mask. Inspector Finn is puzzled at large bat-like flaps over the ears but Septimius identifies it as made of human skin. He has seen similar during the Indian Rebellion when they had stormed heathen temples but the ears? Victoria suggests they would improve hearing.

And the metal claws strapped to the vagrant’s forearms?

Inspector Finn suggests that they hold a press conference to put pressure on the Magistrates.

3 INT. LABORATORY – MORNING
The correspondents from several local news letters are present. Septimius explains to the press what his research is about, how he assists the police as a surgeon, and about the stolen body and the missing livers.
Inspector Finn Show them the mask and the claws and tells them his theory about a gang operating from the graveyard. How other bodies have been found in the area.
The press demand why no action has been taken and Inspector Finn tells them that is not his to command.

4 EXT. STREET – EVENING
Septimius and Victoria are making their way home when they are accosted by a rough man warning them to mind their own business and keep away form the graveyard. P.C. Little intervenes and the man walks off.

5 INT. LABORATORY – MORNING
Inspector Finn arrives P.C. Little has told him about them being approached in the street. He is stationing a police guard outside their house until this matter is resolved.
A rattle is heard deep in the laboratory. Billy and Septimius search and return unconvinced “Rats”. Billy is outraged “There’s no rats in my laboratory. At least not the ones with four legs”.
Septimius and Victoria reveal they are both armed but nevertheless Inspector Finn insists on a guard for now.
Inspector Finn asks if these creatures are even human, he had heard of such creatures in his youth. Septimius and Victoria both laugh and assure his the vagrant’s corpse bled and stank like any other.

6 INT. FINN’S HOUSE – EVENING
Inspector Finn returns home to find he family sitting motinless, terrified. Finn is confused “What’s wrong?” The door closes behind him revealing a cannibal gang.

They hold Finn and sever his C-Spine to render him quadriplegic then place him in a chair; it’s how they keep meat fresh. They cut out his tongue. Then the cannibals kill his family and harvest the livers.

His face is removed while he lives.

They use the claws to rip gobs of flesh off Finn and feast while he is still alive.

They write a warning in blood telling Septimius to keep away from the graveyard.

7 INT. LABORATORY – LATER
Septimius and Victoria are working late when a policeman bursts in. Something dreadful has happened and the Chief Constable sends his compliments and would Septimius examine the bodies with the upmost dispatch.

Inspector Finn and his family are brought to the lab and Septimius greets his old friend before starting the examination.

Septimius asks P.C. Little to escort Victoria home while he completes the examination.

8 INT. STREET – EVENING
P.C. Little and Victoria are walking when a rough gang surround them. P.C. Little draws his baton and puts Victoria behind him. “You wait here Miss. Now you wait until I’ve started giving this lot a taste of their own and you get yourself away as quick as you can”. “Now don’t you worry about me Miss. I’ve handled worse many a time”.
“Right you lot! Come on and take your chances”.
Victoria runs away as P.C. Little and the gang fight.

ACT 2
9 EXT. GRAVEYARD – MORNING
Victoria is missing. The body of P.C. Little is found out side the graveyard.
A distraught Septimius examines the graveyard and finds Victoria’s glove.
The police are still not convinced. Finn was killed to settle a grudge, and Little interrupted a gang bent on robbing Victoria.
Septimius demands that the police search the graveyard but the police say that they have sought and been denied permission for the clergy and threatened that any entry by the police into the graveyard will be resisted.

10 INT. LABORATORY – EVENING
Septimius examines P.C. Little’s remains.
Septimius finds claw marks and again the liver and face is missing. We see movement behind him.
Septimius is attacked but he seizes the talwar and kills two of his opponents.
Police whistles sound as the approach the laboratory. Septimius’s attackers melt away.
The police chase the attackers to the graveyard.

11 EXT. STREET – EVENING
A young flower girl shivers in the street. She is chased from the shelter of a porch before entering the graveyard.

12 EXT. GRAVEYARD – EVENING
The door of a Crypt is ajar and she pushes it open and enters.

13 INT. CRYPT – EVENING
The flower girl hears noises. She strikes a match and says she’s doing no harm. If only she can shelter here tonight she’ll move on in the morning.
Faces suddenly appear from the dark of the crypt. The flower girl is attacked and pinned to the ground as she calls for mercy, for help.
The claws descend on the flower girl and her attackers feed.

14 INT. LABORATORY – MORNING
Septimius is insisting that they search the graveyard for Victoria.
Septimius finds himself alone and intuits that he is being stalked. He panics and runs…twists and turns…every way looks the same…is he going in circles…into the gatekeeper who leads him to the lodge. There the gatekeeper reveals the history of the graveyard is revealed and stories about missing children etc. are found in old papers, local historian.

The Magistrate now takes S seriously and calls out the Constabulary and Military to carry out a full sweep of the area is carried out.

15 INT. GRAVEYARD – AFTERNOON
Septimius, the police and military assemble at the graveyard gates but a mob, led by religious figures, gathers inside and oppose their entry.

The police are unsure and await further orders. Dusk falls and torch lights are lit.

ACT 3
16 EXT. GRAVEYARD – EVENING
A religious ceremony is held to cleanse the graveyard of evil.

We see the cannibals gathering.
The cannibals attack the people in the graveyard. Priests, nuns, the lot are butchered with many burnt to death.
The police and military burst through the gates and join the fight. It is dark now and some want to return in the morning to assault the crypt but Septimius cries out that Victoria may still be alive and they should move now.

17 INT. LABORATORY – EVENING
Billy is alone grumbling about rats etc, pushing trolleys around, mopping the floor. Several bodies sit up – they are cannibals who have been hiding under sheets. He realizes he is not alone. He backs into a corner brandishing the mop as a weapon as they close in. He grapples “You’ll not eat poor Billy’s liver” as they both tumble into a tank used for bleaching bones.

18 INT. CRYPT – EVENING
Septimius and the police enter the crypt but find no trace of Victoria. They move past the flower-girl’s body, her face has been cut off, she moans. They enter a tunnel.

Bones litter the floor. Septimius notes they are human.
When accompanying the police through the tunnels in the Crypt Septimius is cut off and lost. He is pursued through the tunnels by the cannibals until he comes to a barred dead-end though which he can see light.
Septimius hears the cannibals approaching through the tunnel as they scratch their metal claws against the sides.
He calls for help and the police dig him out just in time.
The Crypt is set alight and the police and Septimius pile in more fuel as we watch it burn.
Burning Cannibals flee and the police and military shoot them down.

19 INT. CRYPT – NIGHT
The leader of the cannibals leads the last members of his tribe to safety through the tunnels. They seem to have a prisoner, we see a flash of Victoria’s clothes from the back.

Police guards are surprised and their throats cut.

20 INT. LABORATORY – EVENING
Septimius is working in the lab. It is late. He asks Victoria to pass him an instrument then stops. He pauses for a moment then returns to his work.

21 INT. ELSEWHERE – EVENING
We see the surviving cannibals in a dark dank place. They are worshiping the figure of a man with the head of a goat. It turns and looks directly at us.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Jeremy Cooke.

[Jeremy Cooke]

What I learned doing this assignment is the benefit of multiple passes.

INT. CRYPT – EVENING
Septimius and the police enter the crypt but find no trace of Victoria. They move past the flower-girl’s body, her face has been cut off, she moans. They enter a tunnel.

Bones litter the floor. Septimius notes they are human.

When accompanying the police through the tunnels in the Crypt Septimius is cut off and lost.

He is pursued through the tunnels by the cannibals until he comes to a barred dead-end though which he can see light.

Septimius hears the cannibals approaching through the tunnel as they scratch their metal claws against the sides.

He calls for help and the police dig him out just in time.

The Crypt is set alight and the police and Septimius pile in more fuel as we watch it burn.
Burning Cannibals flee and the police and military shoot them down.

[Jeremy Cooke]

x

[Jeremy Cooke]

x

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Jeremy Cooke.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jeremy Cooke’s Level 3 Horror Emotion Scene

INT. CRYPT – EVENING

Septimius and the police enter the crypt but find no trace of Victoria. They move past the flower-girl’s body and enter a tunnel.

Bones litter the floor. Septimius notes they are human.

When accompanying the police through the tunnels in the Crypt Septimius is cut off and lost. He is pursued through the tunnels by the cannibals until he comes to a barred dead-end though which he can see light.

Septimius hears the cannibals approaching through the tunnel as they scratch their metal claws against the sides.
He calls for help and the police dig him out just in time.

The Crypt is set alight and the police and Septimius pile in more fuel as we watch it burn.

Burning Cannibals flee and the police and military shoot them down.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Jeremy Cooke.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Ted: I think you need to find a better reason why they can’t just say “Sod this for a game of soldiers, I’m out off here”.

[Jeremy Cooke]

What I learned is that it’s best to do the outline on index cards

Jeremy Cooke’s Horror Outline Version 1

The Famine Pit

ACT 1

INT. LABORATORY – EVENING
Septimius and Victoria are working in their laboratory on the corpse of an man executed that morning. It is a large room with sheeted cadavers laid out in trolleys. Septimius finishes his task and bends straight and asks Victoria to pass him his”slasher”. Victoria Passes him an Indian Talwar which he uses to disfigure the corpse. “That’s enough I think. That poor devil has enough for one day”. Septimius then calls to Billy, the Porter, to take the corpse to the “purification chamber” and Billy grumbles as he wheels the corpse away.
The doors crash open and two policemen reverse in with a corpse on a stretcher. They call out a cheery hello and dump the corpse on an empty trolley. Inspector Finn presents his compliments and would the Doctor cast his eye over the corpse of a vagrant?
Billy Undresses the corpse and covers it with a sheet.
Septimius casts an eye over the corpse and remarks that the teeth have been filed to razor sharpness. Victoria intervenes and reminds Septimius that they are dining with her parents this evening. Septimius reluctantly rinses his hands. Tomorrow will be soon enough.

INT. LABORATORY – MORNING
They are standing looking at chaos. Billy remarks that that vagrant has “up and disappeared on them”. On examination several bodies have been disturbed and their livers are missing.
Inspector Finn arrives and asks if this is the way Septimius and Victoria are running their experiments. Billy grumbles.
Septimius points out that if they can proves Monsieur Pasteur’s theories on purification that he, Inspector Finn, may be grateful some day. Victoria intercedes and asks Inspector Finn how his family are – they must come to supper some day.
Septimius explains what has happened and Inspector Finn tells us he has suspected a gang of thieves and grave robbers are operating from the old graveyard.
“It’s happened before, many times, but the authorities have been keeping it secret”.

“I have tried but they are leery for Protestant police to tread upon a Catholic burial ground after the recent disturbances”

“Well then you must prevail on the Magistrates to bring in the Military since they are better thought off in the round”

Inspector Finn introduces P.C. Little who will keep a special watch on the laboratory on his nightly patrols.

Billy is going through the missing corpse’s effects when he finds what looks like a mask. Inspector Finn is puzzled at large bat-like flaps over the ears but Septimius identifies it as made of human skin. He has seen similar during the Indian Rebellion when they had stormed heathen temples but the ears? Victoria suggests they would improve hearing.

And the metal claws strapped to the vagrant’s forearms?

Inspector Finn suggests that they hold a press conference to put pressure on the Magistrates.

INT. LABORATORY – MORNING
The correspondents from several local news letters are present. Septimius explains to the press what his research is about, how he assists the police as a surgeon, and about the stolen body and the missing livers.
Inspector Finn Show them the mask and the claws and tells them his theory about a gang operating from the graveyard. How other bodies have been found in the area.
The press demand why no action has been taken and Inspector Finn tells them that is not his to command.

EXT. STREET – EVENING
Septimius and Victoria are making their way home when they are accosted by a rough man warning them to mind their own business and keep away form the graveyard. P.C. Little intervenes and the man walks off.

INT. LABORATORY – MORNING
Inspector Finn arrives P.C. Little has told him about them being approached in the street. He is stationing a police guard outside their house until this matter is resolved.
Septimius and Victoria reveal they are both armed but nevertheless Inspector Finn insists on a guard for now.
Inspector Finn asks if these creatures are even human, he had heard of such creatures in his youth. Septimius and Victoria both laugh and assure his the vagrant’s corpse bled and stank like any other.

INT. FINN’S HOUSE – EVENING
Inspector Finn returns home to find the cannibals holding his wife and children prisoner. They harvest their livers in front of him while they are still alive, then tear him to pieces as a warning to others.

They sever his C-Spine to render Finn quadriplegic then place him in a chair to watch them kill his family. It’s how they keep meat fresh.

They cut out his tongue then feast.

They use the claws to rip gobs of flesh off then feast while he is still alive.

They write a warning in blood telling Septimius to keep away from the graveyard.

INT. LABORATORY – LATER
Septimius and Victoria are working late when a policeman bursts in. Something dreadful has happened and the Chief Constable sends his compliments and would Septimius examine the bodies with the upmost dispatch.

Inspector Finn and his family are brought to the lab and Septimius greets his old friend before starting the examination.

Septimius asks P.C. Little to escort Victoria home while he completes the examination.

INT. STREET – EVENING
P.C. Little and Victoria are walking when a rough gang surround them. P.C. Little draws his baton and puts Victoria behind him. “You wait here Miss. Now you wait until I’ve started giving this lot a taste of their own and you get yourself away as quick as you can”. “Now don’t you worry about me Miss. I’ve handled worse many a time”.
“Right you lot! Come on and take your chances”.
Victoria runs away as P.C. Little and the gang fight.

ACT 2
EXT. GRAVEYARD – MORNING
Victoria is missing. The body of P.C. Little is found out side the graveyard.
Septimius examines the graveyard and finds Victoria’s glove.
The police are still not convinced. Finn was killed to settle a grudge, and Little interrupted a gang bent on robbing Victoria.
Septimius demands that the police search the graveyard but the police say that they have sought and been denied permission for the clergy and threatened that any entry by the police into the graveyard will be resisted.
INT. Laboratory – evenING
Septimius examines P.C. Little’s remains.
Septimius finds claw marks and again the liver is missing. We see movement behind him.
Septimius is attacked but he seizes the talwar and kills two of his opponents.
Police whistles sound as the approach the laboratory. Septimius’s attackers melt away.
The police chase the attackers to the graveyard.

EXT. STREET – EVENING
A young flower girl shivers in the street. She is chased from the shelter of a porch before entering the graveyard.

EXT. GRAVEYARD -EVENING
The door of a Crypt is ajar and she pushes it open and enters.

INT. CRYPT – EVENING
The flower girl hears noises. She strikes a match and says she’s doing no harm. If only she can shelter here tonight she’ll move on in the morning.
Faces appear in the dark of the crypt. The flower girl is attacked and pinned to the ground as she calls for mercy, for help.
The claws descend on the flower girl and her attackers feed.

INT. LABORATORY – MORNING
Septimius is insisting that they search the graveyard for Victoria.

The history of the graveyard is revealed and stories about missing children etc. are found in old papers, local historian.

The Magistrate now takes S seriously and calls out the Constabulary and Military to carry out a full sweep of the area is carried out.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – AFTERNOON
Septimius, the police and military assemble at the graveyard gates but a mob, led by religious figures, gathers inside and oppose their entry.

The police are unsure and await further orders. Dusk falls and torch lights are lit.

Act 3
EXT. GRAVEYARD – EVENING
A religious ceremony is held to cleanse the graveyard of evil.

We see the cannibals gathering.
The cannibals attack the people in the graveyard. Priests, nuns, the lot are butchered with many burnt to death.
The police and military burst through the gates and join the fight. It is dark now and some want to return in the morning to assault the crypt but Septimius cries out that Victoria may still be alive and they should move now.

INT. CRYPT – EVENING
Septimius and the police enter the crypt but find no trace of Victoria. They move past the flower-girl’s body and enter a tunnel.

Bones litter the floor. Septimius notes they are human.
When accompanying the police through the tunnels in the Crypt Septimius is cut off and lost. He is pursued through the tunnels by the cannibals until he comes to a barred dead-end though which he can see light.
Septimius hears the cannibals approaching through the tunnel as the scratch their metal claws against the sides.
He calls for help and the police dig him out just in time.
The Crypt is set alight and the police and Septimius pile in more fuel as we watch it burn.
Burning Cannibals flee and the police and military shoot them down.

INT. CRYPT – LATER
The leader of the cannibals leads the last members of his tribe to safety through the tunnels. They seem to have a prisoner, we see a flash of Victoria’s clothes from the back.

Police guards are surprised and their throats cut.

INT. LABORATORY – NIGHT
Septimius is working in the lab. It is late. He asks Victoria to pass him an instrument then stops. He pauses for a moment then returns to his work.

INT. ELSEWHERE – EVENING
We see the surviving cannibals in a dark dank place. They are worshiping the figure of a man with the head of a goat. It turns and looks directly at us.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jeremy Cooke’s Monster Reveal Track

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

1 Atmosphere of Evil established: “The movie opens with an experience of the horror to come. It could be a prologue or the actual start of the story but by having horror in the opening you start building apprehension from the opening scene. This also creates suspense while you introduce your characters. On top of that it fulfills the genre which makes it easier for a reader to say YES to your script. ” “We open with S&V working on the corpse of an executed man. we meet S&V both working for the police as part-time forensic scientists as they continue their research.

As they are doing so police deliver the body of a vagrant which is placed on a trolley. The corpse of the executed man is lowered into a vat of formaldehyde for attention tomorrow. They lock-up for the night.

Next morning when they enter the lab and find it in disarray. The body of the executed man from yesterday has been butchered with the liver missing. The lab is in chaos with several bodies strewn about who appear to have died from the liver contaminated from the experimental preparation for last night. The body of the vagrant is missing ” “Horror situations in Prologue opening Inciting Incident and Act 1 Turning Point.” “We see the execution then the body revealed in the lab.

The lab is full of bodies in different stages of putrefaction.

S slashes a body with a talwar from his Indian days then applies some experimental solution to the wound.” “Who: prisoner
How: hanging
Why: life is hard” “S pulls the vagrants mouth open and cuts himself – the teeth have been filed to a razor sharpness. “Prevalent amongst the Bantu I believe”

He is carrying a mask of human skin with accentuated bat-shaped ears.”

2 Connect with the characters: “We need characters that we have connected with in some way for this journey to have any meaning. That way every time they are threatened we as an audience are threatened. If you have a group you’ll need some kind of group activity or them preparing together for a trip to the “isolated location.” Each interaction should give us a snapshot of who the characters are and a possible indication of how they might deal with the upcoming horror. ” “Septimius Mulholland (b. 1830): a loner gentleman medical researcher in the Pathology department of The Queen’s University Belfast. Served as a doctor with the east India Company during the Indian rebellion 1857-1858. Was with Rose at Gwalior in 1858. Also works as a police examiner.

The widespread introduction of antiseptic surgical methods was initiated by the publishing of the paper Antiseptic Principle of the Practice of Surgery in 1867 by Joseph Lister which was inspired by Louis Pasteur’s germ theory of putrefaction.

Victoria Mulholland nee Boyle His wife: a natural extrovert and leader fellow medical researcher.

S asks V to pass him an instrument which she does.

James Finn Inspector Belfast Borough Police and friend of S&V.

“Well then you must prevail on the magistrates to bring in the Military”

“I have tried but they are leery to tread upon a Catholic burial ground after the recent disturbances”

“It’s happened before many times but the authorities have been keeping it secret”.

Finn introduces PC Little a cheery soul who is on the local beat. Little promises to keep an eye on S&V as they make their way home.”

3 The characters are warned not to do it: “This is a natural expression of the situation. If you are about to do something dangerous people around you will feel that it is their responsibility to caution you. But it also indicates that the characters are making the first of a series of questionable decisions. From an overview you might say the rest of the movie is punishment for making this bad choice. ” “S&V and Finn decide to bluff about how much they know to see if that flushes out the gang.

S&V are in their lab. The press are there and photographs are taken. The story about the missing body is in the paper. The story is how the body has been stolen and how S&V are assisting the police.

Finn advises the press that S&V had already taken samples from the body and police were working on a line of inquiry that connected the missing body to reports of other deaths around the graveyard and a criminal gang operating in the area.

Septimius is stopped in the street by what appears to be a beggar and warned to stop investigating. PC Little intervenes and the beggar makes off.

The police warn him to take precautions and will station a guard outside his house.” “The mask left behind was made from a human face.

Metal claws?”

4 Denial of Horror: “In one way or another characters will deny the possibility of the horror to come. How could they go into this journey if they truly believed what they are about to face? ” “S&V argue over threat. Finn tells them to take it seriously as they have killed many people.

S&V reveal they are both armed?

Finn remarks they are dealing with monsters but S&V laugh and tell him the missing body looked perfectly normal on the slab.”

5 Safety taken away: “This is their first real indication that something bad is going to happen to them. They somehow lost the person thing map or escape route that they had depended upon for safety. ” “Finn is found dead in his home. Murdered in the same way with a warning written in blood telling them to keep away.

Finn is brought to the lab and S&V greets his old friend before starting the examination.

The police offer S&V protection but they deny any need claiming the beggar was a mere street robber.” “Horror situations in Prologue opening Inciting Incident and Act 1 Turning Point.” S examines the body of his friend the District Inspector in his cosy living room. He has been torn apart as though by wild animals and the liver is missing. “Who: Finn
How: torn apart with claws and liver removed
Why: to protect his family

Returns home to find the cannibals holding his wife and children prisoner. They harvest their livers in front of him while they are still alive then tear him to pieces as a warning to others.

They sever his C-Spine to render Finn quadriplegic then place him in a chair to watch them kill his family. It’s how they keep meat fresh.

They cut out his tongue then feast.

They use the claws to rip gobs of flesh off then feast while he is still alive.” “There are more than one and they are watching S&V.

But why are the livers missing?”

6 Monster: The nature of the beast: “Now we see some version of what the monster can do. After the opening scene this is often the second reveal of the monster but we are only seeing a small part. We might see the result of a kill or some clues to something bad that happened in the past. ” “S&V are called to the scene of a murder near the graveyard. The corpse is of the missing policeman. It has been eviscerated and the liver is missing. There are teeth-marks similar to the murder of Finn.

His notebook is missing.

S&V enter the graveyard to look around. They see traces of activity and take samples. Human bones with teeth-marks are scattered. The teeth-marks match a cast from the original body.” “Horror situations in Prologue opening Inciting Incident and Act 1 Turning Point.” PC Little who was on the beat near the murder is missing. “Who: Constable Little
How: as Finn
Why: Walking the beat he realizes that he is surrounds as the cannibals draw in. He draws his baton and stands his ground to allow Victoria to escape.

Is injured when cannibals attack. Stands to fight.

They slit his belly then draw out his intestines then force him to run.” “They are cannibals.

They are harvesting livers.

What are they? Monsters? Ghouls?”

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN Horror every 10 to 15 minutes

7 Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: “The isolation has increased in a big way. We are now at the point of “no escape.” This could be a kidnapping the escape route closed off being surrounded or a loved one taken by the monster. Somehow the characters are suffering from even more isolation than previously existed. ” Septimius is working late on one of the bodies when he is attacked. They are seen returning in the direction of the old graveyard. “We see the PM of Little.

We see the pursuit of a person passing the graveyard and their struggles as they are dismembered.” “They are mortal but where are they coming from?

They are hunting prey at random.”

8 One of us killed: The horror has now reached one of us. This is part of what takes it from a Thriller to a Horror movie. This takes us to the midpoint because we see that the monster is so much more terrifying. “Tracks are found in the old graveyard

Finn was killed by someone who had a grudge Little was killed because he witnessed the attackers.” Suspicion that the lair is in the graveyard

MIDPOINT — THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

9 Full pursuit by the killer: “Now that the monster has exposed itself it goes after the characters with full impunity. We are seeing the monster in their full glory but there are still things we don’t know about this monster. ” “The history of the graveyard is revealed and stories about missing children etc. are found in old papers local historian.

The Magistrate now takes S seriously and calls out the Constabulary and Military to carry out a full sweep of the area is carried out.” “Victoria is chased but escapes.

The leader of the cannibals warns S off.”

10 Terrorized: “The group has entered full terror. They are being chased trapped attacked and killed. ” “A mob gather at the gates of the graveyard led by religious figures. The police are trying to hold them back but the mob are pressing forward. They push through the police lines and eventually the police stand aside.

The religious ceremony is held to cleanse the graveyard of evil.” We see the cannibals gathering.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR Non-stop horror situations.

11 Fight to the death: There may be one or multiple fights to the death here. “The cannibals attack the lab and are driven off but Victoria is missing.

The cannibals attack the people in the graveyard.” “Priests nuns – the lot are butchered in the graveyard.” The mob are attacked and many burnt to death.

12 Hysteria: “With death happening all around the characters they have lost control of their emotions. Screaming crying and shaking are natural responses to the horror that is raining down on them! ” “It is dark now and some want to return in the morning to assault the crypt but S points out that Victoria may still be alive and they should move now.

S and the police move into the graveyard and are attacked with many losses.”

13 The thrilling escape from death: “Just as exciting as the horror are the escapes and near-escapes. The characters may escape many times only to face the monster again. ” “Septimius and the police enter the crypt but find no trace of Victoria

The Crypt is set alight and the police & S pile in more fuel as we watch it burn.” The Crypt is strewn with bones and the stench of death. “Police and cannibals battle.

Cannibals run out burning and are shot down.”

14 Death returns to take one or more: “Even after they think they’ve killed the monster it will return to shock their reality once more. ” “The leader of the cannibals leads the last members of his tribe to safety through the tunnels. They seem to have a prisoner we see a flash of V’s clothes from the back.” Killing police guards.
15 Resolution: Someone has survived after an unbelievable horror gauntlet. But it isn’t a happy ending. They are very likely traumatized for life…but they are alive. “S is working in the lab. It is late. He asks V to pass him an instrument then stops. He pauses for a moment then returns to his work.

We see the surviving cannibals in a dark dank place. They are worshiping the figure of a man with the head of a goat. It turns and looks directly at us.”

[Jeremy Cooke]

<div>
</div><div>

I learnt Identifying horror situations and building a number ready to slot into the plot is a valuable exercise

Title: The Famine Pit Concept: A. The monster/villain. A gang of cannibals B. The interesting terror. Hunt and devour people An isolated and horrific environment. “A University lab and a disused graveyard” D. The people who will be terrorized. “The heroes police public”

Type: Feature Film Group: S&V “Finn & Little other police” Members of public Cannibals

Genre: Horror Dying Pattern: “The characters experience the terror and survive together but one or two die.”

Monster: Cannibals Mythology: “You threw us into the famine pits as though we were cattle indifferent to whether we were alive or dead. Our parents clawed their way out and found both refuge and sustenance in this place. But you have stopped using this place stopped bringing us fresh food so now we have to hunt further afield.”

THE HORROR PLOT TRACK HORROR SITUATIONS TRACK CHARACTER DEATH TRACK MONSTER REVEAL TRACK Character Journey Track CHARACTER JOURNEY TRACK

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

1 Atmosphere of Evil established: “The movie opens with an experience of the horror to come. It could be a prologue or the actual start of the story but by having horror in the opening you start building apprehension from the opening scene. This also creates suspense while you introduce your characters. On top of that it fulfils the genre which makes it easier for a reader to say YES to your script. ” “We open with S&V working on the corpse of an executed man. we meet S&V both working for the police as part-time forensic scientists as they continue their research.

As they are doing so police deliver the body of a vagrant which is placed on a trolley. The corpse of the executed man is lowered into a vat of formaldehyde for attention tomorrow. They lock-up for the night.

Next morning when they enter the lab and find it in disarray. The body of the executed man from yesterday has been lifted from the vat and butchered with the liver and kidneys missing. The lab is in chaos with several bodies strewn about who appear to have died from Formaldehyde poisoning. The body of the vagrant is missing ” “Horror situations in Prologue opening Inciting Incident and Act 1 Turning Point.” We see the execution then the body revealed in the lab. “Who: prisoner
How: hanging
Why: life is hard” “S pulls the vagrants mouth open and cuts himself – the teeth have been filed to a razor sharpness. “Prevalent amongst the Bantu I believe”

He is wearing a mask with accentuated bat-shaped ears.”

2 Connect with the characters: “We need characters that we have connected with in some way for this journey to have any meaning. That way every time they are threatened we as an audience are threatened. If you have a group you’ll need some kind of group activity or them preparing together for a trip to the “isolated location.” Each interaction should give us a snapshot of who the characters are and a possible indication of how they might deal with the upcoming horror. ” “Septimius Mulholland: a loner gentleman medical researcher in the Pathology department of The Queen’s University Belfast. Also works as a police examiner.

Victoria Mulholland nee Boyle His wife: a natural extrovert and leader fellow medical researcher.

S asks V to pass him an instrument which she does.

James Finn Inspector Belfast Borough Police and friend of S&V.

“Well then you must prevail on the magistrates to bring in the Military”

“I have tried but they are leery to tread upon a Catholic burial ground after the recent disturbances”

“It’s happened before many times but the authorities have been keeping it secret”.

Finn introduces PC Little a cheery soul who is on the local beat. Little promises to keep an eye on S&V as they make their way home.”

3 The characters are warned not to do it: “This is a natural expression of the situation. If you are about to do something dangerous people around you will feel that it is their responsibility to caution you. But it also indicates that the characters are making the first of a series of questionable decisions. From an overview you might say the rest of the movie is punishment for making this bad choice. ” “S&V and Finn decide to bluff about how much they know to see if that flushes out the gang.

S&V are in their lab. The press are there and photographs are taken. The story about the missing body is in the paper. The story is how the body has been stolen and how S&V are assisting the police.

Finn advises the press that S&V had already taken samples from the body and police were working on a line of inquiry that connected the missing body to reports of other deaths around the graveyard and a criminal gang operating in the area.

Septimius is stopped in the street by what appears to be a beggar and warned to stop investigating. PC Little intervenes and the beggar makes off.

The police warn him to take precautions and will station a guard outside his house.” “The mask left behind was made from a human face.

Metal claws?”

4 Denial of Horror: “In one way or another characters will deny the possibility of the horror to come. How could they go into this journey if they truly believed what they are about to face? ” “S&V argue over threat. Finn tells them to take it seriously as they have killed many people.

S&V reveal they are both armed?

Finn remarks they are dealing with monsters that are threatening them but S&V laugh and tell him the missing body looked perfectly normal on the slab.”

5 Safety taken away: “This is their first real indication that something bad is going to happen to them. They somehow lost the person thing map or escape route that they had depended upon for safety. ” “Finn is found dead in his home. Murdered in the same way with a warning written in blood telling them to keep away.

Finn is brought to the lab and S&V greets his old friend before starting the examination.

The police offer S&V protection but they deny any need claiming the beggar was a mere street robber.” “Horror situations in Prologue opening Inciting Incident and Act 1 Turning Point.” S examines the body of his friend the District Inspector in his cozy living room. He has been torn apart as though by wild animals and the liver is missing. “Who: Finn
How: torn apart with claws and liver removed
Why: to protect his family”

6 Monster: The nature of the beast: “Now we see some version of what the monster can do. After the opening scene this is often the second reveal of the monster but we are only seeing a small part. We might see the result of a kill or some clues to something bad that happened in the past. ” “S&V are called to the scene of a murder near the graveyard. The corpse is of the missing policeman. It has been eviscerated and the liver is missing. There are teeth-marks similar to the murder of Finn.

His notebook is missing.

S&V enter the graveyard to look around. They see traces of activity and take samples.” “Horror situations in Prologue opening Inciting Incident and Act 1 Turning Point.” PC Little who was on the beat near the murder is missing. “Who: Constable Little
How: as Finn
Why: he is surrounded when alone on the beat. He draws his baton (cutlass?) and urges them to try their luck.”

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN Horror every 10 to 15 minutes

7 Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: “The isolation has increased in a big way. We are now at the point of “no escape.” This could be a kidnapping the escape route closed off being surrounded or a loved one taken by the monster. Somehow the characters are suffering from even more isolation than previously existed. ” Septimius is working late on one of the bodies when he is attacked. They both plunge into a formaldehyde vat and Septimius manages to kill his attacker horribly (decapitation?) before staggering to the emergency shower. “We see the PM of Little.

We see the pursuit of a person passing the graveyard and their struggles as they are dismembered.”

8 One of us killed: The horror has now reached one of us. This is part of what takes it from a Thriller to a Horror movie. This takes us to the midpoint because we see that the monster is so much more terrifying. “Finn was killed by someone who had a grudge Little was killed because he witnessed the attackers.”
MIDPOINT — THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

9 Full pursuit by the killer: “Now that the monster has exposed itself it goes after the characters with full impunity. We are seeing the monster in their full glory but there are still things we don’t know about this monster. ” “The history of the graveyard is revealed and stories about missing children etc. are found in old papers local historian.

The Magistrate now takes S seriously and calls out the Constabulary and Military to carry out a full sweep of the area is carried out.” “Victoria is chased but escapes.

The leader of the cannibals warns S off.”

10 Terrorized: “The group has entered full terror. They are being chased trapped attacked and killed. ” “A mob gather at the gates of the graveyard led by religious figures. The police are trying to hold them back but the mob are pressing forward. They push through the police lines and eventually the police stand aside.

The religious ceremony is held to cleanse the graveyard of evil.” We see the cannibals gathering.

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR Non-stop horror situations.

11 Fight to the death: There may be one or multiple fights to the death here. “The cannibals attack the lab and are driven off but Victoria is missing.

The cannibals attack the people in the graveyard.” “Priests nuns – the lot are butchered in the graveyard.” The mob are attacked and many burnt to death.
12 Hysteria: “With death happening all around the characters they have lost control of their emotions. Screaming crying and shaking are natural responses to the horror that is raining down on them! ” “It is dark now and some want to return in the morning to assault the crypt but S points out that Victoria may still be alive and they should move now.

S and the police move into the graveyard and are attacked with many losses.”

13 The thrilling escape from death: “Just as exciting as the horror are the escapes and near-escapes. The characters may escape many times only to face the monster again. ” “Septimius and the police enter the crypt but find no trace of Victoria

The Crypt is set alight and the police & S pile in more fuel as we watch it burn.” The Crypt is strewn with bones and the stench of death. “Police and cannibals battle.

Cannibals run out burning and are shot down.”

14 Death returns to take one or more: “Even after they think they’ve killed the monster it will return to shock their reality once more. ” “The leader of the cannibals leads the last members of his tribe to safety through the tunnels. They seem to have a prisoner we see a flash of V’s clothes from the back.” Killing police guards.

15 Resolution: Someone has survived after an unbelievable horror gauntlet. But it isn’t a happy ending. They are very likely traumatized for life…but they are alive. “S is working in the lab. It is late. He asks V to pass him an instrument then stops. He pauses for a moment then returns to his work.

We see the surviving cannibals in a dark dank place. They are worshiping the figure of a man with the head of a goat. It turns and looks directly at us.”

</div>

[Jeremy Cooke]

Title: The Famine Pit
Type: Feature Film
Genre: Horror
Monster: Cannibals
THE HORROR PLOT TRACK HORROR SITUATIONS TRACK CHARACTER DEATH TRACK MONSTER REVEAL TRACK Character Journey Track CHARACTER JOURNEY TRACK

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

1 Atmosphere of Evil established: “The movie opens with an experience of the horror to come. It could be a prologue or the actual start of the story but by having horror in the opening you start building apprehension from the opening scene. This also creates suspense while you introduce your characters. On top of that it fulfills the genre which makes it easier for a reader to say YES to your script. ” “We open with S&V working on the corpse of an executed man. we meet S&V both working for the police as part-time forensic scientists as they continue their research.

As they are doing so police deliver the body of a vagrant which is placed on a trolley. The corpse of the executed man is lowered into a vat of formaldehyde for attention tomorrow. They lock-up for the night.

Next morning when they enter the lab and find it in disarray. The body of the executed man from yesterday has been lifted from the vat and partly devoured. The lab is in chaos with several bodies strewn about who appear to have died from Formaldehyde poisoning. The body of the vagrant is missing ” “Horror situations in Prologue opening Inciting Incident and Act 1 Turning Point.” We see the execution then the body revealed in the lab. A prisoner

2 Connect with the characters: “We need characters that we have connected with in some way for this journey to have any meaning. That way every time they are threatened we as an audience are threatened. If you have a group you’ll need some kind of group activity or them preparing together for a trip to the “isolated location.” Each interaction should give us a snapshot of who the characters are and a possible indication of how they might deal with the upcoming horror. ” “Septimius Mulholland: a loner gentleman medical researcher in the Pathology department of The Queen’s University Belfast. Also works as a police examiner.

Victoria Mulholland nee Boyle His wife: a natural extrovert and leader fellow medical researcher.

S asks V to pass him an instrument which she does.

James Finn District Inspector RIC and friend of S&V.

Finn introduces PC Little a cheery soul who is on the local beat. Little promises to keep an eye on S&V as they make their way home.”

3 The characters are warned not to do it: “This is a natural expression of the situation. If you are about to do something dangerous people around you will feel that it is their responsibility to caution you. But it also indicates that the characters are making the first of a series of questionable decisions. From an overview you might say the rest of the movie is punishment for making this bad choice. ” “S&V and Finn decide to bluff about how much they know to see if that flushes out the gang.

S&V are in their lab. The press are there and photographs are taken. The story about the missing body is in the paper. The story is how the body has been stolen and how S&V are assisting the police.

Finn advises the press that S&V had already taken samples from the body and police were working on a line of inquiry that connected the missing body to reports of other deaths around the graveyard and a criminal gang operating in the area.

Septimius is stopped in the street by what appears to be a beggar and warned to stop investigating. PC Little intervenes and the beggar makes off.

The police warn him to take precautions and will station a guard outside his house.”

4 Denial of Horror: “In one way or another characters will deny the possibility of the horror to come. How could they go into this journey if they truly believed what they are about to face? ” “S&V argue over threat. Finn tells them to take it seriously as they have killed many people.

S&V reveal they are both armed?

Finn remarks they are dealing with monsters that are threatening them but S&V laugh and tell him the missing body looked perfectly normal on the slab.”

5 Safety taken away: “This is their first real indication that something bad is going to happen to them. They somehow lost the person thing map or escape route that they had depended upon for safety. ” “Finn is found dead in his home. Murdered in the same way with a warning written in blood telling them to keep away.

Finn is brought to the lab and S&V greets his old friend before starting the examination.

The police offer S&V protection but they deny any need claiming the beggar was a mere street robber.” “Horror situations in Prologue opening Inciting Incident and Act 1 Turning Point.” S examines the body of his friend the District Inspector in his cosy living room. He has been torn apart as though by wild animals DI Finn in his own home

6 Monster: The nature of the beast: “Now we see some version of what the monster can do. After the opening scene this is often the second reveal of the monster but we are only seeing a small part. We might see the result of a kill or some clues to something bad that happened in the past. ” “S&V are called to the scene of a murder near the graveyard. The corpse is of the missing policeman. It has been eviscerated and large parts are missing. There are teeth-marks similar to the murder of the Detective Inspector.

His notebook is missing.

S&V enter the graveyard to look around. They see traces of activity and take samples.” “Horror situations in Prologue opening Inciting Incident and Act 1 Turning Point.” PC Little who was on the beat near the murder is missing. Constable Little on the beat.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN Horror every 10 to 15 minutes
7 Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: “The isolation has increased in a big way. We are now at the point of “no escape.” This could be a kidnapping the escape route closed off being surrounded or a loved one taken by the monster. Somehow the characters are suffering from even more isolation than previously existed. ” Septimius is working late on one of the bodies when he is attacked. They both plunge into a formaldehyde vat and Septimius manages to kill his attacker horribly (decapitation?) before staggering to the emergency shower. “We see the PM of Little.

We see the pursuit of a person passing the graveyard and their struggles as they are dismembered.”

8 One of us killed: The horror has now reached one of us. This is part of what takes it from a Thriller to a Horror movie. This takes us to the midpoint because we see that the monster is so much more terrifying. “Finn was killed by someone who had a grudge Little was killed because he witnessed the attackers.”
MIDPOINT — THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

9 Full pursuit by the killer: “Now that the monster has exposed itself it goes after the characters with full impunity. We are seeing the monster in their full glory but there are still things we don’t know about this monster. ” “The history of the graveyard is revealed and stories about missing children etc. are found in old papers local historian.

The police now take S seriously and a full sweep of the area is carried out.” “Victoria is chased but escapes.

The leader of the cannibals warns S off.”

10 Terrorized: “The group has entered full terror. They are being chased trapped attacked and killed. ” “A religious ceremony is held to cleanse the graveyard of evil but it is attacked.

The police now accept that a gang has seized control of the graveyard for purposes of plundering it and they must be confronted and expelled.” “Priests nuns – the lot are butchered in the graveyard.”

ACT 3 — FULL OUT HORROR Non-stop horror situations.
11 Fight to the death: There may be one or multiple fights to the death here. “A mob with torches push past the police and enter the graveyard.

The cannibals attack the lab and are driven off but Victoria is missing.” The mob are attacked and many burnt to death.

12 Hysteria: “With death happening all around the characters they have lost control of their emotions. Screaming crying and shaking are natural responses to the horror that is raining down on them! ” “It is dark now and some want to return in the morning to assault the crypt but S points out that Victoria may still be alive and they should move now.

S and the police move into the graveyard and are attacked with many losses.”

13 The thrilling escape from death: “Just as exciting as the horror are the escapes and near-escapes. The characters may escape many times only to face the monster again. ” “Septimius and the police enter the crypt and find the remains of Victoria

The Crypt is set alight and the police & S pile in more fuel as we watch it burn.” The Crypt is strewn with bones and the stench of death. “Police and cannibals battle.

Cannibals run out burning and are shot down.”

14 Death returns to take one or more: “Even after they think they’ve killed the monster it will return to shock their reality once more. ” The leader of the cannibals leads the last members of his tribe to safety through the tunnels. Killing police guards.

15 Resolution: Someone has survived after an unbelievable horror gauntlet. But it isn’t a happy ending. They are very likely traumatized for life…but they are alive. “S is working in the lab. It is late. He asks V to pass him an instrument then stops. He pauses for a moment then returns to his work.

We see the surviving cannibals in a dark dank place. They are worshipping the figure of a man with the head of a goat. It turns and looks directly at us.”

[Jeremy Cooke]

What I learned doing this assignment is the idea of groups in horror seems to be more import than in drama. Horror does seem to have more of a pattern.

Characters for Horror

Septimius <font size=”3″ face=”ARIAL, HELVETICA”>Mulholland</font>

<font size=”3″ face=”ARIAL, HELVETICA”>Victoria <font size=”3″ face=”ARIAL, HELVETICA”>Mulholland nee Boyle</font></font>

<font size=”3″ face=”ARIAL, HELVETICA”><font size=”3″ face=”ARIAL, HELVETICA”>
</font></font>

As you saw in the example THE PURGE, create the Survivors and Victims of your movie.

1. A husband and wife team confront a tribe of cannibals living in a nearby disused graveyard.

2. They survive, but others die

3. Give us an Identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group.

Septimius <font size=”3″ face=”ARIAL, HELVETICA”>Mulholland – a loner gentleman medical researcher in the Pathology department of The Queen’s University, Belfast.</font>

<font size=”3″ face=”ARIAL, HELVETICA”> Victoria <font size=”3″ face=”ARIAL, HELVETICA”>Mulholland nee Boyle – his wife, a natural extrovert and leader, fellow <font size=”3″ face=”ARIAL, HELVETICA”>medical researcher</font></font></font>

[Jeremy Cooke]

1. Jeremy (Jerry) Cooke

2. 2 Stage plays, a couple of Features, and some TV pilots

3. An understanding of how horror differs from drama

4. As I get older I seem to be turning into Father Christmas

[Jeremy Cooke]

I agree to the terms of this release form

[Jeremy Cooke]

<div>

Jeremy’s Terrifying Monster

What I learned doing this assignment is the story doesn’t have to be complicated.

</div><div>

1. Tell us what or who your monster is.

</div>

During the Irish Famines in the 1840s the victims were buried in large pits. However some were were still alive and managed to claw their way out. With nowhere to go they remained in the old graveyard living in old crypts and tunneling underneath. Their only source of food was the dead and when the famine ended they discovered they had acquired a taste for human meat. There they remained until the graveyard fell into disuse and they had to extend their hunting grounds.

2. Give us a few sentences for each of the following for your monster:

Their Terror: Cannibalism. The idea of being hunted down by packs in the dark by oneself.

Their Mystery: Are they human, where did they come from? Homeless victims? Belfast 70s Troubles?

Their Fear Provoking Appearance: Stunted, pale, clothed in rags, inbred

Their Rules: Never be taken alive.

Their Mythology: They are the Elect and were chosen to survive.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Jeremy COOKE What I learned doing this assignment is…? I suspect I would have tried to over-elaborate this story with clever twists and turns.

1) Medical school technician is rebuilding his dead wife.

2) Famine graveyard hosts cannibal descendants

3) Students at a local Halls of Residence adjacent to an ancient graveyard are terrified as students start disappearing as the Gravemaster seeks to add new souls to his collection.

4) An unidentified body is brought to a mortuary attendant but is it stolen back. Then more body parts start to go missing, then his wife.

ASSIGNMENT

Analyze a HORROR movie to discover how the conventions were expressed. It is totally okay to analyze a movie you’ve already seen, but please watch it again. Don’t just do it from memory.

1. Go to Netflix, iTunes, or Amazon and search for “horror” movies. Pick a horror movie that fits three criteria:

A. It matches our model.
B. It is not one of our example movies.
C. You can get instant access to it. Check iTunes, Netflix, YouTube or Amazon.

2. Watch the movie and as you do, note its conventions.

Title / Concept: The Devil’s Tower
Terrorize The Characters: The surviving Nazi warns the Allies that they have summoned a Daemon to use as a secret weapon but have lost control.
Isolation: An isolated fortification on an island.
Death: The fortress is strewn with the bodies of dead Nazis.
Monster/Villain: A flesh eating shape shifting daemon.
High Tension: Can the remaining commando escape.
Moral Statement: Probably best not raise daemons from Hell

3. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great horror film? A simple premise with no bells or whistles. You don’t really have any concept to grasp other than goodies and baddies.

4. With your concept, fill in each of these Conventions for your story.

Concept: The Famine Pit/Cannibals
Terrorize The Characters: People disappearing
Isolation: Old disused Graveyard
Death: Dismembered bodies are found
Monster/Villain: Cannibals descended from Famine victims are living in an old crypt.
High Tension: Can our hero destroy the cannibals or will he fail and be eaten.
Departure from Reality: The Graveyard is in a busy city.
Moral Statement: Eating people is rude.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I do worry slightly about the danger of over stuffing. I like the stories of M.R.James – gentle little scary hours – but putting too much M.I. into a scene may not give it room to breath.

That said the traits and subtext passes are a real winner.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I enjoyed that – it kept moving and changing direction. The characters hit the traits. Looking forward to read the dialogue pass.
I’d like a stronger motive than merely “trying to change” Brandy – something more at stake.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’d like to see Renee being a bit more outgoing – working the room, lots of air kisses, hugs and hellos.

With Maxine I get tricky but not so much the rest: snobbish, paranoid, and emotionally wounded.

Certainly an interesting situation (I wonder if the child will be ginger?) and the ending hits the spot.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’m picking up the traits and subtext more clearly now but what is it that Renee hopes to win? Has she got the hots for the Pastor?

[Jeremy Cooke]

Nope on me.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’m sort of doing it the other way round from you I think. I’m building the scene, or story, using the Interest Techniques then using the traits and subtext to insert the dialogue. I think I would find it difficult your way?

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’d suggest you’re missing a lot of value in these exercises in not keeping it to the one scene. If someone asks you to rewrite a scene will coming back with two or three be acceptable – I don’t know?

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’m not seeing you hitting Nancy’s subtext but, to be fair, I don’t think any of us have.

Squire is certainly using his charm to wind her up so you got him.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Interesting situation and hitting character traits. Subtext I’m not sure but I hope to have a better feel for it next scene so I’ll get you next critique.

I think a few more interest techniques could be squeezed in – again I think that needs to be addressed much earlier in the process, possibly at the speed draft phase?

[Jeremy Cooke]

I still feel that a lot of the dialogue is in full sentences which, to me, slows the scene down.

[Jeremy Cooke]

You’ve really captured the chaos here and your dialogue seems much tighter than it used to be.

I can see the character traits emerging which is a revelation for me personally as to how it’s supposed to work; I never really understood the concept of being able to cover the name and still be able to tell who’s saying what.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I think that’s what impresses me about the concept of the “essence”. You can show it in a starship or a medieval castle.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Liked the scenario – real potential for comedy there – the only critism I would offer is that the dialogue may get a bit lost in the action. Maybe aim for more “zingers”.

I’d also suggest the last two lines are unnecessary – an arm over a shouder should suffice.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Very “Black Mirror” – I like the situation.

I don’t know if you need to cutaway to show us the Prof. A glance at a camera in the lab and a muttered comment may be enough?

You may want to polish the dialogue a touch – there’s too many whole sentences for me but the personalities do come through.

A possible twist would be that they realise that they are in a loop and try to break it…again and again for ever.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Do the stakes not seem too low for you? Will audiences feel as committed to ecological issues?

[Jeremy Cooke]

Grace – rich elderly alcoholic and vulnerable to being preyed on.

Iris – acts rich but it’s all gone so she’s reduced to selling off her possessions?

Madeline – running out off money and needs a victim?

[Jeremy Cooke]

What was Sara and Vickie’s relationship before and after the discovery? How do both women regard Thatcher?

[Jeremy Cooke]

Ellie hates people and herself?

Jim’s a follower not a leader and reflects the opinion of the last person he spoke to?

[Jeremy Cooke]

So Nick (a Chinese agent) invited John (a US agent) to the top of a mountain so that John could accuse Nick of being a Chinese agent. Why didn’t Nick just ignore, or counter accuse, John?

[Jeremy Cooke]

Again I’m really confused with this Essence business. I would have taken something like “Betting your life is the biggest wager of all?”.

Again I’d like to see John lose and casually shoot Nick, or win and shoot NIck anyway. I’m looking for a bigger twist.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’m not getting “daring” or “loyal” from John more “cowardly” and “disloyal”.

Where is Nick’s “giving” nature?

I’m not sure I’ve understood Essence – this seems like another logline?

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Jeremy Cooke.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes

[Jeremy Cooke]

Are people in the bar scared – keeping their head down when they hear the noise?

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Jeremy Cooke.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Jeremy Cooke.

[Jeremy Cooke]

ROBULUS
(looks panicked)
Guards! Get this freedman out of the chamber.

How did he know that the Centurion was a Freedman; someone should say hold on and ask?

Ambitus is a bit ambitious I think. You may find the the audience’s knowledge of Roman Law doesn’t extend that far.

[Jeremy Cooke]

AMY

Well, your dad was good to me when I worked for his campaign.

I’d like to see more of Amy’s character and motivation. Why is she getting involved? Does she ask for anything? A gift, money, a favour?

[Jeremy Cooke]

<div>INT. THE TACK ROOM – DAY</div><div>

I really like the scene but surprised that there’s no mention of DNA.Maybe that’s what Margot is doing – asking Grandpa if he”l agree to give a DNA sample?

I’m starting to be impressed the way actually writing the trait against the line is working and I think it works well here.

George is very passive – is that the way you see him continue?

</div>

[Jeremy Cooke]

Love it: “ROBERT [intrigue]: You’re gonna love the view. [smooth]”

Maybe a few more Bells ‘n Smells but the Director will sort that out.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I like the way Kimmie is more fragile in this version

[Jeremy Cooke]

I like the fight scene.

Some of the dialogue:

AMY

I’m sorry. I don’t want to get in the middle here. I just wanted to tell you what he said, but he’ll know I conspired with you.

doesn’t ring true to me.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I like the way you have a note against the lines

[Jeremy Cooke]

Brilliant little scene – really liked it.

But…how did we go from “He knows he’s defeated. And Trent knows he’s won.” to setting the Minions on him? What switched?

[Jeremy Cooke]

It’ll be interesting watching this scene evolve.

Should Trent be carrying a briefcase and make a fuss of it. Check his emails on his phone etc?

When I see a friend I don’t normally say their name – I know who they are.

I do like Kimme’s poetic streak.

One suggestion if you’ll allow me is when Trent returning from the toilets he could gulp down Robert’s drink and pocket the tip Robert left for the barmaid?

[Jeremy Cooke]

I don’t understand the reference to gossip?

[Jeremy Cooke]

I liked S2 more. The first scene was very complicated with a lot of explanations. There must be a better way of getting that across?

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’d make two comments:
Firstly people don’t talk in full sentences – they shorten, they interrupt, they hint.
Second point would be in the stage directions. Try to avoid statements like “which makes Robert feeling even more OK with his revenge plan.” You have to show us or have someone tell us; we can’t see stage directions.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Your friends make great characters.

[Jeremy Cooke]

The key word I pick up on is “extreme traits”. No point in someone getting mildly tetchy. Drama is found at the margins – well the stuff I like anyway.

[Jeremy Cooke]

As I’m, weakly, understanding it so far what we call the essence is what the scene is to accomplish, or demonstrate, or show. For example in Brian’s piece below in scene #1 the essence is that John’s heart still belongs to his ex-wife.

Now how are we going to choose to express that? Do they bond at their children’s party? Or does she stop when he has a flat tyre and help? Or are they in space and she shares her oxygen with him? It doesn’t matter how we express it as long as we communicate the essence.

Or I could be completely wrong.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Jeremy Cooke.

[Jeremy Cooke]

1.2 How do we know he only breaks his legs?
1.3 to 1.4 What happens here?
1.5 Does something creepy happen here?
1.6 Do we need to see this?
1.7 Do we need to see this?
1.8
1.9 to 1.12 Like
1.13 Do we need to see this?
1.14 Like
1.15 Do we need to see this?
1.16 Is anybody surprised – she seemed fine last time I saw her?
1.17

2.18 Does nobody call the cops? Does nobody freak out and go home?
2.19 Weird stuff happens/said?
2.20 Like
2.21
2.22
2.23 If we knew how Jessica and Tanive had attempted to kill themselves maybe we could match their deaths up more closely? I’d like to see a body found with the face cut off and dressed in Jimmy’s clothes.

3.24 So they decided to hike out? Did everybody agree? Someone should go missing and no body found.
3.25
3.26 Why is this a separate scene?
3.27 Why is this a separate scene?
3.28 So here they panic and start running blind though the forest at night?
3.29 Like. Michael and Todd carry him to a broken -down cabin and promise they’ll be back for him.
3.30 Why do they not split up?
3.31 Arrow
3.32 Arrow
3.33 Hide & seek, then make a break for it? Could a survivor draw fire then die running to join the other in the truck? Wounded, screaming, they leave him.
3.34 To be honest I’d like to see something other than shot by an arrow.

As they started up the ridge they saw the missing person on the crest, spreadeagled vertically between two bent trees. They approach to help as the person struggles but their mouth has been crudely sewn shut. They get closer but one of them triggers a trip-wire and the trees spring apart.

3.35 Like
3.36 Like. What does the mask look like?
3.37 Like

[Jeremy Cooke]

I suggest you don’t waste them – they have to die horribly, horribly.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Hi Anna

– if we think about our audience then it’s likely to be 15-yo boys. I’d be worried about keeping their attention whilst Frankie potters about doing housework and talking to his dead wife.

– what about he goes to the woodpile and Sasquatch corners him but the bear turns up (bear dies horribly) and we get to see them fight whilst Frankie takes to his heels?

jc

[Jeremy Cooke]

(Scare) As SMILEY approaches his car he hears noises but (Release) on investigation he sees its only a racoon in the thrash cans. Then he hears a growl (Creepy) ?

[Jeremy Cooke]

Isn’t there some film where they open the cupboard and a mummified body falls out and pins them to the floor?

[Jeremy Cooke]

Do Jessica, Jimmy and Bobby – or what’s left of them – reappear later ?

[Jeremy Cooke]

Hi Jamie,

Nice to meet you but I’m not on FB so sorry can’t. This is my first time at SU since I was attracted by the specific idea of horror. Like yourself I think it may be an “in” if pitched right.

The only feature I’ve still got is a pot boiler about a maverick FBI agent. Write what you know they say – what on earth was I thinking about. The other I was thinking about was actually a longish pilot which was a not very scary comedy/drama with monsters.

I’ve been doing stage plays recently since they seem easier to get people to read. They’re also quite enjoyable since you confined to only a few scenery changes and everything is a wide-shot.

Anyway nice to meet you.

jc