Jacqueline Escolme
Forum Replies Created
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Jacqueline’s lead characters
1.Logline: A frustrated housewife tired of being dependent on her controlling husband rediscovers herself on an unexpected adventure across America that forces her to face who she’s become and risk everything to change it
2. Change agent =Lizzie, the main character’s best friend with a vision for an independent Jenny based on them growing up together.
3.Transformable character = Jenny. She’s suppressed and controlled and knows that if she does nothing the rest of her life will stay exactly the same.
4. Oppression = The institution of marriage and her husband within it who believes she should continue to self-sacrifice for him. The societal conditioning that shames women for putting themselves first.
5. Betraying character = Alan but I’m not convinced he’s really a betraying character.
6. What I learned doing this assignment is that I don’t have a strong betraying character.
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Jacqueline’s transformational journey
1. A frustrated English housewife rediscovers who she really is on an unexpected adventure across America that forces her to face who she’s become and risk everything to change it.
2. Old ways – Suppressed and controlled by her husband. People pleaser constantly self-sacrificing. Unhireable and unemployed.
3. New ways – Empowered and confident. New job enabling her to be independent. Leaves her husband.
4. What I learned is to put more transformation into the logline and increase the jeopardy on her journey.
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Jacqueline’s 1st 3 Decisions
1. My profound truth is that women are not always happier when they’re married, despite society making them believe this is the ultimate goal.
2. The change I want my movie to cause for an audience is to ask themselves where they’re over compromised and sacrificed for an institution.
3. My entertainment vehicle is a road trip.
4. From this assignment I learned to think of the character arc as a tool to make changes with the audience.
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Jacqueline’s perfect wordsmithing
What I learned doing this assignment – I found 23 errors or words I re-wrote or improved upon and found the reading backwards trick really useful.
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Jacqueline’s precise description
What I learned doing this assignment is how many words I can take out or improve upon to make the script read faster. Very helpful exercise!
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Jacqueline’s scene improvements
What I learned doing this assignment is to make changed in the outline before changing the script – it saves so much time and ensures I know which story I’m telling.
The most valuable improvement I made using this process is to change the reason the protagonist has to go to New York. By forcing her to go rather than allowing her to choose top go it increases the stakes in the story.
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Jacqueline’s scene rating
I did this assignment after Hal took us through the class on it. I made lots of changes to my script but I didn’t make notes of them all. I’m finding it difficult when the lessons come out much later than the lessons we have in class so have no notes to put here but it was a very helpful lesson.
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Hi I’m Jacqueline, this is the second class of Hal’s for me. I’ve written four scripts and entered two into competitions which did well but nothing produced so far, so I’m here to uplevel my writing. I’m British born but have lived in Russia, America and South Africa and currently reside between London and Cape Town.
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Jacqueline Escolme: Analysis of Groundhog day
What I learned from doing this assignment is that profound isn’t always in the big dramatic action
1. Phil’s transformational journey takes him from selfish, egotistical and emotionally dead to fully alive and in love with life
2. Rita is the change agent and she’s perfect because she’s the polar opposite of Phil. Phil is the transformable character who’s so wrapped up in himself he doesn’t have time for anyone else. He’s in a perfect place to be knocked down. The oppression is the system that created Phil – the rules that we all live by, the self-focussed society of capitalism.
3.We’re lured in through his humour. We like him because he relates to the mundanity of life we all know but makes it funny to watch. We’ve all been there and he gradually begins to do what we all want to do – break free.
4. From egocentric and disdainful to shock, fun and carefree to actually caring about others and loving other people.
5. Gradient went from misery to the joy of realising he can do what he wants because it doesn’t matter, there are no consequences to actually having fun to realising what he needs is meaning and then beginning to do meaningful things and ultimately helping others and becoming a completely different person.
6. Why do we have to do the same thing every day? Who made these rules? Why do we focus on ourselves and personal attainment rather than helping others. Individual conscious is challenged and then moves towards group consciousness.
7. When Phil realises he doesn’t have to play by the old rules. When he takes his own life, repeatedly. When he realises he needs meaning and starts to do things that matter to him. His humbleness as people start to finally appreciate him.
8. I’m not going to live by their rules any more.
Is this what love is for you?
I‘m a God, not THE God but a God.
Is this what you do with eternity?
I know your face so well I could have done it with my eyes closed.
9. Instead of avoiding people he actively lives his life around helping them. He stops trying to get attention but gets it inadvertently through his giving.
10. What you put into life you get out. Happiness comes from being available to every moment.
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Jacqueline’s meaningful action
What I learned from this assignment is that even small action can be meaningful and small, precise action can be as impactful as big, dramatic action.
I went through my script and elevated at least 50% of scenes using this technique – too many to list and I did it a week ago so now can’t remember the details for all! My favourite though is one of the ending scenes where she’s leaving him, and a life she realises she no longer wants, but she’s not packing up all the stuff they’ve accumulated in their quest for the perfect life, she just takes her books as these are what have real meaning for her. They represent who she always was and the woman she’s destined to be.
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Re-posting as first post not totally readable – Oops!
Jacqueline – Elevated Scene Structure
What I’ve learned from this assignment is to simplify the story details and focus on a better scene structure to elevate the entertainment level
The midpoint – What I want to accomplish – Jenny is in New York when she discovers that her husband has been lying about his income for the past year and emptied their savings account to pay their mortgage. Now he wants to sell her rare book collection for quick cash.
Current Scene – MIDPOINT- INT. HILTON, ROOM 432 – EVENING
Beginning – Jenny in her hotel room. She’s had an amazing day and is considering using the vibrator Helen gave her to top it all off when Richard calls.
Middle – Richard reveals he’s used all their savings to pay the mortgage and now they’re broke and the bank’s threatening to repossess the house
End – Richard wants to sell her rare book collection from her late mother for quick cash to tide them over
Alternative Scene Structures:
1. Scene structure – Twist
Beginning – After a brilliant day in NYC Jenny’s using her new vibrator to have the first orgasm she’s had in years
Middle – She gets a call from her bank’s legal department saying after 4 months of mortgage payment defaults they are now starting action to repossess the house – she knows nothing about the payment defaults
End – Jenny calls Richard and discovers he got fired 12 months ago and has drained their savings to pay the mortgage without telling her and is planning to sell her rare book collection for quick cash to tide them over.
2. Scene Structure – Mislead and Reveal
Beginning – Richard calls Jenny to let her know he’s got a good offer for her rare book collection and they should consider selling. He’s kind and persuasive – doesn’t she want that new kitchen?
Middle – Jenny’s curious – He’s harped on about selling for years but why now? Those books have high sentimental value for her
End – Richard reveals he got fired 12 months ago, has drained their savings account and defaulted on the mortgage and if they don’t get a quick cash injection now they’ll lose the house.
3. Scene Structure – Competitive agendas
Beginning – Richard suggests selling Jenny’s rare book collection
Middle – Jenny doesn’t want to to sell as her mother left her those books. Richard doesn’t understand the sentimental value and reveals he got fired 12 months ago and has drained their savings account and they need the quick cash. Richard wants to sell the books, Jenny would rather sell the house and downsize
End – Richard’s at home with the books. Jenny’s in New York without them. He’s going to sell them with or without her permission.
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Jacqueline – Elevated Scene Structure
What I’ve learned from this assignment is to simplify the story details and focus on a better scene structure to elevate the entertainment level
The midpoint – What I want to accomplish – Jenny is in New York when she discovers that her husband has been lying about his income for the past year and emptied their savings account to pay their mortgage. Now he wants to sell her rare book collection for quick cash.
Current Scene – MIDPOINT- INT. HILTON, ROOM 432 – EVENING
Beginning – Jenny in her hotel room. She’s had an amazing day and is considering using the vibrator Helen gave her to top it all off when Richard calls.
Middle – Richard reveals he’s used all their savings to pay the mortgage and now they’re broke and the bank’s threatening to repossess the house
End – Richard wants to sell her rare book collection from her late mother for quick cash to tide them over
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>Alternative Scene Structures:</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>1. Scene structure – Twist</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>Beginning – After a brilliant day in NYC Jenny’s using her new vibrator to have the first orgasm she’s had in years</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>Middle – She gets a call from her bank’s legal department saying after 4 months of mortgage payment defaults they are now starting action to repossess the house – she knows nothing about the payment defaults </font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>End – Jenny calls Richard and discovers he got fired 12 months ago and has drained their savings to pay the mortgage without telling her and is planning to sell her rare book collection for quick cash to tide them over.</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>2. Scene Structure – Mislead and Reveal</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>Beginning – Richard calls Jenny to let her know he’s got a good offer for her rare book collection and they should consider selling. He’s kind and persuasive – doesn’t she want that new kitchen?</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>Middle – Jenny’s curious – He’s harped on about selling for years but why now? Those books have high sentimental value for her</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>End – Richard reveals he got fired 12 months ago, has drained their savings account and defaulted on the mortgage and if they don’t get a quick cash injection now they’ll lose the house.</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>3. Scene Structure – Competitive agendas</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>Beginning – Richard suggests selling Jenny’s rare book collection</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>Middle – Jenny doesn’t want to to sell as her mother left her those books. Richard doesn’t understand the sentimental value and reveals he got fired 12 months ago and has drained their savings account and they need the quick cash. Richard wants to sell the books, Jenny would rather sell the house and downsize</font></font>
<font face=”Arial”><font size=”2″>End – Richard’s at home with the books. Jenny’s in New York without them. He’s going to sell them with or without her permission.</font></font>
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Jacqueline’s scene ratings – WhatI learned doing this assignment is that my first act needs to be more entertaining! There’s a lot of set up in there which isn’t amusing or engaging enough and I know I can add more emotion also.
My interpretation of the rating is that anything under 5 needs work. I have 15 scenes I want to improve. Some of these I already knew about and some scored a 6 but I know they can be better and I’m keen to see what evolves. What surprised me was that, upon reflection, my midpoint needs to be a whole lot more entertaining – it’s dramatic but still kinda boring so I need to have some fun with it!
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Jacqueline’s outline to Script
What I learned doing this assignment is how the other character’s journeys are so much stronger from the past week’s work and how the script feels more rounded as a story.
5 totally new scenes. At least ten scenes changed, probably more!
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Jacqueline’s Fascinating Scenes outline
What I learned from doing this assignment is how much stronger it’s made my story and how much fun it was. I really enjoyed this and found it super creative.
Changes I made:
Jenny’s humiliated in the opening scene – uncomfortable moment
At her friend’s modernist masterpiece house, traditional Jenny is a fish out of water – more interesting setting
Chrissy lies about where she is travelling to – betrayal
Jenny’s husband sits in his study, shredding receipts suspiciously – suspense
Jenny’s got a secret box hidden at the back of her wardrobe – intrigue
Jenny lied to her husband – she paid for Chrissy’s trip to Uganda – intrigue
Neighbour Helen gives Jenny a vibrator as a holiday gift – uncomfortable moment
Jenny unexpectedly finds Lou’s estranged brother in a second hand book store – surprise
Lizzie breaks into Jenny’s house to save her books but then Richard arrives home – uncertainty
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Jacqueline elevates lead characters
What I learned from doing this assignment is that giving my characters more internal problems through their back story helps build the external problems against them
Changes made to script:
Jenny dominates opening scene – we see her emotional turmoil right from the beginning and the facade she puts on for the world. Her weakness is low self worth which manifests as crippling indecision
Chrissy – the effect of her parent’s marriage is much clearer on her character – She’s more ballsy and courageous because she has to escape. There is a clear rift between her and her mother which is resolved by the end of the story
Richard – Manipulates Jenny through money – his need for control is more obvious and his ditching of Jenny makes him less likeable. He represents more clearly the world Jenny wants to leave.
LIzzie – New intro – Lizzie vs the female neighbours + Lizzie has a new love interest to complete her story arc and heal her relationship wound
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Jacqueline Solves major problems.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that conflict is king and I need to stop being so nice to my characters.
Changes made:
Opening scene changed – the job Jenny’s applying for is now voluntary and she can’t even get that.
2nd scene changed – she has a new confidante in the same position but 10yrs older, representing her future and adding more interest
Stronger transformational journey – Jen has never travelled before but always wanted to.
Stronger ending – she has to fight Dustin to get the manuscripts
Stronger conflict – Chrissy sees through her mum’s bullshit and this issue needs to be resolved.
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Jacqueline’s Outline Improvements
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is that the more I understand my characters and their motivations the stronger my script becomes. The back story is well worth spending time on.
Outline improvements:
Re-worked the set-up scenes to better show protagonist’s life and main internal struggle
Introduced supporting characters where necessary to better show key points
Incorporated some interesting new characteristics into my love interest’s profile that improve the dynamic between him and the protagonist
Restructured Act 2 so it’s stronger and feels more real, based on characters taking action from their profiles.
So many little tweaks that came from this exercise!
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Jacqueline Escolme’s Character Story Lines.
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s better to start over and write new story lines than continually rewrite weak ones, hoping they’ll get better eventually!
JENNY
Beginning: At a coffee morning with a room full of midlife trophy wives discussing a life she doesn’t care aboutInciting <div>
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Incident: Her husband’s latest deal goes south and he rushes to Paris for crisis meetings over her birthday weekend because work always comes first
Turning Point: Without telling husband she accepts her best friend’s offer of a free girls’ weekend in NY
Midpoint: Her husband’s lost it all on the deal.
Turning Point 2: She gets re-routed via Denver and ends up stranded and alone in the mountains, forced to finally face herself.
Dilemma: Try to get home and fight for the old life she doesn’t really want or let the old life go completely and end up with nothing.
Major Conflict: Stuck at ranch she finally lets the old life, and her marriage, go and chooses freedom instead.
Ending: Free and living a real life with purpose and financial independence.
RICHARD
Beginning: At the cusp of a big business deal. </div><div>
Inciting Incident: The deal goes south
Turning Point: He has to declare bankruptcy and faces losing all his wealth at 50
Midpoint: He’s investigated for fraud and it will be a public humiliation, his worst nightmare.
Turning Point 2: Discovers his wife has gone off on a mystery trip.
Dilemma: Going to lose wife or lose reputation – he chooses reputation over wife
Major Conflict: His wife leavesEnding: He ends up on a sheep farm in Wales – poorer but happier
CHRISSY
Beginning: Recently graduated with an art degree but no job and desperate to break free from the tense atmosphere at home between her parents.</div><div>
Inciting Incident:– Enters a competition for an art residency in New York without telling her parents.
Turning Point: She wins the place and accepts and lies to her parents to get the money to go, knowing they won’t approve
Midpoint: She falls in love with a guy in NY and now the time there has a new meaning.
Turning Point 2: Discovers Dad’s business has gone bust – should she go home to support her mum.
Dilemma: Leave NY, the man and the art she loves and sees as her future or leave her mum dealing with her Dad alone.
Major Conflict: Mum comes to find her in New York – expects anger but mum insists she stays and lives the life she wants. Mum is proud.
Ending: How has their world changed? New relationship with and respect for, Mum. Success in her scholarship and a work offer.
LOU
Beginning: Son of a hard-working couple running a successful bookstore in NY</div>
Inciting Incident: His father dies unexpectedly when he is 18.
Turning Point: He wants to travel and see the world but he quits school to go into the business to take his father’s place and support his mother
Midpoint: His marriage breaks down because he’s a workaholic, so committed to the bookstore.
Turning Point 2: He meets Jenny on a plane and she wakens his desire for adventure
Dilemma: Does he ignore his need for adventure again or pursue Jenny even though he knows she’s married?
Major Conflict: Jenny comes to him with a proposition but is he willing to step up and take another chance on love and himself
Ending: He and Jenny are going on an adventure together that also builds his business
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Jacqueline Escolme’s Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to more clearly convey more of my character’s internal dilemmas, through situations as well as dialogue
JENNY
A. Name: Jenny Collins<div>
B. Role in the Story: Downtrodden midlife wife. Jenny fulfils the role because she gave up her career to look after her daughter so her husband could excel in his career. She lost herself to wife’ing and mothering has low self-esteem.
C. Core Traits: Jenny takes action by consensus, asking other people’s opinion and seeking their approval. She used to be very decisive but now she procrastinates and suffers from self-doubt because the message she gets from the world is that she’s invisible. She’s an over-apologetic, people pleaser who always puts others first, often to her own detriment.
D. Motivation: Her want is to go back to work in a editorial job worthy of her skills. Her need is for financial independence.
E. Flaw/Wound: Her flaw is believing that a good woman sacrifices herself for her husband and family. Her wound is that her mother died when she was 22yrs old, leaving her with a desire to over-mother her own daughter.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Her secret is that she knows she’s bright and capable and inside, she’s mad as hell at the way her life has turned out. Hidden agenda = she wants the adventure she missed out on when she got pregnant right before taking her gap year after university.
G. Internal Dilemma: Being her true self, a liberated, free, independent woman, vs being a good wife and mother
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? She drives the conflict by fighting for the old life when circumstances are forcing her to change.
Question 1: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve?
Are any parts that are missing? She could drive the conflict moreWhich parts could you improve? 1.Her invisibility – show the internal conflict this creates for her as she knows she’s still got something to do. 2.Her reaction to Alan at JFK – as she starts to stand up for herself he could decide to exert his power to throw a curve ball at her as payback for vomiting over him on the flight out.
Question 2: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively?
Compare the character to the concept. – Make her self-doubt stronger
Is this character exactly what you need to deliver that concept powerfully? Yes
Does this character drive the conflict in some important way? Yes
RICHARD
A. Name: Richard Collins</div><div>
B. Role in the Story: What is the role and how does this character fulfill that role? Antagonist. He‘s the one that used societal conventions to keep Jenny stuck at home so he can succeed at work.
C. Core Traits: Three or four main characteristics that make up how this character makes decisions, takes action, and expresses themselves. Huge ego that hides wracking self doubt because he’s not as bright as his wife. He takes decisions impulsively and often loses out in business as a result. He expresses himself loudly – has to be the biggest man in the room, literally and figuratively. He bellows, when he talks to people, especially on the phone.
D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = their goal. Need = an internal requirement for them to be okay. He wants financial success so that he can retire to Wales. He needs to be valued and seen as important to feel successful.
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = the internal part that sabotages them. Wound = The traumatic experience from their past that haunts them. Flaw – he cannot admit he’s wrong – ever. His trauma is that his father was never interested in him so he’s always looking for validation from the outside world.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = Something they keep hidden or concealed from others that impacts the story. Hidden Agenda = a covert plan that affects others without their knowledge. His secret is that he’s lost lots of money and he’s deeply ashamed at his lack of success even though he presents himself as super successful to the outside world. His hidden agenda is to retire to his mother’s farm in Wales, with Jenny and take it over when his mother passes.
G. Internal Dilemma: Two opposite values that are opposed to each other, like being powerful versus being loved. He wants to be a good father and husband but he’s inherently selfish and always puts himself and his social standing first.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? How does this character fit the concept, drive the conflict, and/or fulfill a major need in the story? He drives the conept by being a perfect representation of a “Piscean” male – privileged, white, authoritative and not interested in equality.
Question 1: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve?
Are any parts that are missing? Show he’s impulsive in business decision.Which parts could you improve? Lounge Scene with Jenny – show he can be irrational and accentuate his Piscean characteristics.
Question 2: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively?
Compare the character to the concept.
Is this character exactly what you need to deliver that concept powerfully? Yes
Does this character drive the conflict in some important way? Yes
CHRISSY
A. Name: Chrissy Collins</div><div>
B. Role in the Story: What is the role and how does this character fulfill that role? Jenny’s daughter and the polar opposite of Jenny in terms of self-esteem and courage
C. Core Traits: Three or four main characteristics that make up how this character makes decisions, takes action, and expresses themselves. She’s highly independent and makes her own decisions without consulting others. She takes action easily and has the fearlessness of a 22yr old with a stable family background. She expresses herself through her vibrant colourful art and is not afraid to speak her mind or challenge her very traditional father.
D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = their goal. Need = an internal requirement for them to be okay. She wants freedom from her home situation and her parents. She needs to be able to express her art without judgement. She needs her mum to be happy.
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = the internal part that sabotages them. Wound = The traumatic experience from their past that haunts them. No obvious flaw. Her wound is that her mother tends to micro-manage her but she can’t challenge her on it because she knows it’s due to the grief of losing her own mother.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = Something they keep hidden or concealed from others that impacts the story. Hidden Agenda = a covert plan that affects others without their knowledge. Secret = she’s not really going to volunteer in Uganda she’s going to New York on an art scholarship. Agenda = She’s going to do what it takes to be successful even if it hurts her parents.
G. Internal Dilemma: Two opposite values that are opposed to each other, like being powerful versus being loved. She wants her freedom but she doesn’t want to leave her mum stuck at home with her dad.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? How does this character fit the concept, drive the conflict, and/or fulfill a major need in the story? She’s feisty and full of life against Jenny’s resignation to her current fate. She challenges her mum to be better.
Question 1: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve?
Are any parts that are missing? Show her want and need more clearlyWhich parts could you improve? Adjust the scene where she’s packing and the one in the car with Jenny – show she’s torn about her secret and leaving her mum – “will you be okay with him?”
Question 2: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively?
Is this character exactly what you need to deliver that concept powerfully? Yes
Does this character drive the conflict in some important way?Yes
LOU
A. Name: Lou Schaeffer
B. Role in the Story: What is the role and how does this character fulfill that role? Love interest. He’s the opposite of Richard </div><div>
C. Core Traits: Three or four main characteristics that make up how this character makes decisions, takes action, and expresses themselves. He’s calm and considered, he runs the business with his inspiring mother so he takes decisions with full consideration of everyone involved and is focussed on his staff and colleagues. He’s gentle in nature with a low chuckle that makes him endearing. He’s focussed so heavily on the family business since his father died it’s become his whole life.
D. Motivation: Want/Need: Want = their goal. Need = an internal requirement for them to be okay. He wants to make his parents proud and continue the family legacy. He needs a life partner. No man is an island.
E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw = the internal part that sabotages them. Wound = The traumatic experience from their past that haunts them. His flaw is that he can be slow to step up for what he wants. His trauma is that his father passed away and he feels responsible for continuing the family legacy.
F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret = Something they keep hidden or concealed from others that impacts the story. Hidden Agenda = a covert plan that affects others without their knowledge. His secret is that he’d love to take time off for himself and travel. His agenda is to open a store in London to over deliver on the legacy his father wanted to create.
G. Internal Dilemma: Two opposite values that are opposed to each other, like being powerful versus being loved. Pouring everything into his business vs having a life and sustaining relationships.
H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? How does this character fit the concept, drive the conflict, and/or fulfill a major need in the story? He’s the perfect, like-minded match for Jenny.
Question 1: Are there any parts of the profile that you could improve?
Are any parts that are missing? Show more of his internal dilemma – lack of ability to sustain a relationship – maybe he’s divorced.Which parts could you improve? His ride back to the hotel with Jenny.
Question 2: Can this character fulfill their role in the story more effectively?
Is this character exactly what you need to deliver that concept powerfully? Yes, he’s delicious and only slightly tortured.
Does this character drive the conflict in some important way? Yes he forces her to think differently about men and face her attraction to him.
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What I learned from this assignment is that my screenplay fits better into Drama / Dramedy than Rom-Com
Title: The Birthday List
Concept: A downtrodden midlife wife who’s never travelled gets taken on a surprise weekend away to New York and ends up on a life changing adventure.
Genre: Drama
Conventions:
Purpose: Emotional and interpersonal high stakes
Character driven journey
High stakes from within
Emotionally resonates
Challenging situations that rock character to her core
Real life situations
Act 1
Opening – It’s Jenny’s first job interview in years and she gets told she’s irrelevant. When she sits opposite a young professional woman on the way home, she agrees.
Inciting incident – Her husband and forced breadwinner loses his big job and cancels the trip she’s waited years for and was hoping would revive their staid marriage. She asks him to leave
Turning Point – She accepts her best friend’s offer of a surprise weekend away in New York. She knows she’s lost herself and New York seems as good a place as any to rediscover herself. She gets on the plane
New plan – She makes a birthday bucket list of all the things she wants to do in New York
Plan in Action – Nothing goes to plan. She learns that the woman she has become is no match for the big city and the travel she’s waited so long for isn’t what she expected. Something has to change and it’s her. She starts ticking things off her list, makes a new friend and discovers an amazing bookstore with a like-minded owner, Lou
Midpoint Turning Point – The man she thought was a friend turns menacing. She finds the strength to stand up for herself then is told by her husband that they’re losing everything. She goes to the bookstore and gets inspired
Rethink everything – She races to get home but gets re-routed via Denver and ends up stuck in an airport. She thinks about calling Lou for help but decides she doesn’t want to rely on men to save her any more
New Plan – She heads to the mountains to hike and think but ends up stranded and alone. She is tested on every level and her life is at risk which causes her to pause and reflect
Turning point / Major shift – She gets rescued but has no way of getting home and has to accept she’ll lose everything. After a call with her husband she takes her wedding ring off – a chapter is closing for her.
Climax / Ultimate expression of conflict – In the wilds she lets go of everything she thought was important and rediscovers herself. She finally fights for what she believes in and opens up a whole new opportunity in the process. Now she looks at Lou’s business card and decides she’s brave enough
Resolution – Reborn and ready to start over, with one thing left on her list she books a flight home via New York. She knows Lou can help her and she goes all out for what she wants. She’s relevant, real and ready to rock.
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Jacqueline Escolme: 4 Act Structure
What I learned from this assignment is 1. My story can always be made stronger 2. Not to over attach to my earlier ideas, better ones always come
Title: The Birthday List
Genre: Rom-Com
Concept: A frustrated midlife wife goes on a surprise weekend away that turns into a life changing adventure
Main conflict: Her against her old life and her controlling husband
4 Act Structure
Act 1
1. Opening – she’s being interviewed for a job well below her capabilities, getting turned down. Again.
2. Inciting Incident – Her husband loses his big job and cancels the birthday weekend away she’d planned to revive their staid marriage
3. Turning Point – She accepts her best-friend’s surprise offer of a weekend away in New York instead and gets on a plane.
Act 2
4. New Plan – She makes a bucket list of everything she’s going to do in New York.
5. Plan in action – Nothing goes to plan. Her friend leaves unexpectedly and she gets taken advantage of, but she still manages to tick off some things on her list and she finds a brilliant book store with a like-minded owner.
6. Midpoint turning point – The man she thought was a friend turns menacing. She stands up for herself and for a moment feels empowered until her husband calls to tell her he’s being sued and they’re probably going to have to sell the house and the valuable book collection her dead mother left her.
Act 3
7. Rethink everything – She tries to get home to salvage her life but ends up re-routed and stuck in Denver
8. New Plan – She goes into the mountains to hike and clear her head and tick off more of her list but ends up stranded and alone, with her life at risk.
9. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – She gets rescued but has no way of getting home and has to accept she’s losing everything
Act 4
10. Climax/ Ultimate expression of conflict – In the wilds she lets go of her old life and rediscovers what’s really important, opening up a new opportunity in the process
11. Resolution – Re-born and ready to start over she has one thing left on her list. She books a flight home via New York. She knows her last chance of saving herself is in that book store.
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What I learned from doing this assignment is…Clarity! My previous pitch was not selling my script. This helped me make precise changes.
The Birthday List is a Rom-Com about a former globetrotter and frustrated midlife wife, Jenny, who’s given everything to her marriage and lost herself. When her best-friend, Lizzie, takes her on a surprise trip to New York for her birthday, Jenny escapes her controlling husband but finds the people pleasing, good wife she’s become sin’t equipped for the big city, men who aren’t what they seem and they mountain she ends up on in Colorado, lost and alone. The fun, birthday bucket list Lizzie helped her make might just change her life and, with a little help from Dustin, a handsome ranch owner, she ditches the good wife and rediscovers who she really is. She returns home ready to stand up for what she wants, knowing she may lose everything but if she goes via New York, she’ll have one last chance of saving herself.
Genre: Rom-Com
Title: The Birthday List
High concept: A frustrated midlife wife goes on a surprise weekend away that turns into a life changing adventure
Main conflict: The people-pleasing good wife she’s become and the woman she really wants to be.
Transformational journey: Letting go of everything she was taught to want to get what she actually needs.
Opposition: Her husband and the life she’s built around him
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I, Jacqueline Escolme, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi everyone, I’m Jacqueline and I’ve written and co-written 5 scripts, one of which won, best unproduced script at the British International Film Festival a few years ago. I’ve also written 2 books. I’m re-writing a script at the moment and it needs elevating so this course felt perfect for me and I really enjoy Hal’s teaching. I was an expat for 9 years and lived in Russia, the USA and then South Africa and currently I reside between the UK and Cape Town.
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Hi June, would you like to exchange outlines? I have a Drama with comedy elements. If yes my email is jescolme@yahoo.co.uk
Thanks, Jacqueline
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Hi Melanie, just emailed you 🙂
Jacqueline
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Hi Connie, I’d love to exchange with you after David if that works? 🙂
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Hi David, sounds good, I’ll email you 🙂