Jill Clifford
Forum Replies Created
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1. Jill Clifford
I have 4 written draft scripts, one of which made the quarter finals in the Page Awards. I have been in the process of rewriting that one off and on for years. In the meantime, writing others. I have one New York published nonfiction book. I am very hopeful that I can get my latest script marketed, and I am hoping this class will help me better understand how to do that effectively. Something strange…I am almost 80 years old and still working almost fulltime to support our son in medical school. He is graduating in May, and I hope to get back to working full time on writing!
Thanks to Hal and company for offering this class and all the wonderful advice they provide!!! -
1. Jill Clifford
2. I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class. -
Jill Clifford’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that while we can feel related and empathetic toward our two main characters, but I could not find any empathy toward the evil and manipulative antagonist.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Lead Character Name: Hagen Stavros (Alejandro)
Role: Protagonist
Likability: Hagan risked his life, jumping out of a second story building onto an awning to save the life of a young girl who was a sex slave. While investigating the illegals, Hagan still helps them in their job while he focuses on pursuing those that killed his sister and the child.
Relatability: Hagan is angered over the death of the child in his arms, and then with the death of his beloved sister. He reacts by taking on a dangerous job to pursue the people that have done this. As Hagan is helped by the illegals he is investigating, he begins to help them more, as he learns who the real villain is.
Empathy: Hagan’s effort to save the young girl failed as the child was shot and died in Hagan’s arms. This deeply hurts him as it does us. As Hagen struggles to be the skilled farm worker he is supposed to pretend to be, Rosa feels empathy for Hagan and helps him. We feel that empathy too.
Lead Character Name: Clint
Role: Antagonist
Likability: Clint acts as a sympathetic employer as he deals with the illegal migrant workers who have come to him for a job.
Relatability: Clint has lost the farm he grew up on and wants to get it back.
Empathy: Clint shows no empathy for anyone, and we have trouble feeling anything but disgust and revenge toward this sleazy character.
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Jill Clifford’s Character Intrigue
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that every character has some secrets and past history that can give their roles deeper meaning.
Character Name: Hagen (Alejendro)
Role: Undercover INS agent
Hidden agendas: Hagen is seeking out illegal Hispanic immigrants to deport, and to arrest the farm manager who is hiring and hiding them.
Secrets/ Secret Identity: Hagen is an undercover INS agent who hates Hispanics and hates being mistaken for one, and hates having to pretend to be one for his undercover job.
Unspoken Wound: Hagen is heartbroken over the murders of his sister and of the little girl he risked his life to rescue.
Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie: Although Hagen is of Greek ancestry and hates Hispanics, he accepts an undercover job as a Hispanic migrant farm worker after two Hispanic men rape and kill his sister.
Character Name: Rosa (Isabella)
Role: Illegal alien, who eventually becomes Hagen’s love interest
Secrets/Secret Identity: She is hiding from a killer, and hiding her true identity as an illegal immigrant from the authorities, but she cares deeply for the plight of the other illegal workers.
Unspoken Wound: She fled from her home in Mexico after witnessing her family being executed by a drug lord and his thugs, and knows she is being hunted by the killers.
Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie: Rosa, as Isabella, explains to Hagen, whom she knows as Alejendro, how dire the lot of the illegals is, that they can be beaten, raped, and cheated with the constant threat of deportation – they have neither refuge nor protection.
Character Name: Clint
Role: Farm manager and mass murderer
Hidden agendas: Clint tries to get as much as he can for himself through fraud, while fooling the farm owner into thinking he is an honest man. He also plots to steal from his direct help and the farm laborers.
Conspiracies: Clint conspires with two of the men who oversee the laborers and work for him to kill a number of the laborers for their summer pay.
Secrets: Clint keeps two sets of accounting books and another set of two books for the laborers.
Unspoken Wound: Clint’s family actually once owned the farm where he works and he wants it back.
Secret Identity: Clint appears to be a hard-working manager, but is actually a mass murderer.
Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie: Clint does not care about anyone, and will even kill one of his own co-conspirators to protect himself and get a bigger cut of the money.
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Jill Clifford’s Subtext Characters
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that the subtext is included in the roles we previously outlined, but in a more concentrated form in this lesson.
With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:
Movie Title: Double Jeopardy
Character Name: Libby Parsons
Subtext Identity: Runaway Parolee
Subtext Trait: Determined to find her son regardless of consequences
Subtext Logline: Libby Parsons is a runaway parolee, who uses whatever identity or resources she needs to find her son.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Libby adapts herself to whatever situation she finds herself in. She hides the fact she is a runaway parolee, and what her goal is to get her son. She pretends to be her former friend at a car dealership to get her “current” address. She uses a hotel guest’s identity to get a designer dress and fancy hairdo, charging it to the woman guest’s room.
For your three leads, brainstorm these answers:
Character Name: Hagen (Alejendro)
Subtext Identity: Undercover INS agent pretending to be a Hispanic migrant worker
Subtext Trait: Hatred of Hispanics, hunting illegal immigrants, as well as the murderer of his sister
Subtext Logline: Hagen is an undercover INS agent pretending to be a Hispanic migrant worker to identify and deport the Hispanic people he hates.
Possible Areas of Subtext: While dealing with his Hispanic coworkers, he must hide his seething anger over the deaths of his sister and the little girl he risked his life to save at the hands of Hispanic criminals. He must hide his INS identity from the coworkers as he seeks out illegals immigrants, and hopefully his sister’s murderer. He also needs to hide his true identity and purposes from the farm manager and owner as he investigates their hiring and hiding of these illegals.
Character Name: Rosa (Isabella)
Subtext Identity: As an illegal alien, she is hiding from both the authorities and from her possible murderer.
Subtext Trait: She has been traumatized by the death of her family and the fear of being pursued by their murderer.
Subtext Logline: Rosa (Isabella) is a kind woman, who after witnessing the execution of her family in Mexico, escapes to the United States, and is hiding there from the murderer who is pursuing her, and from the authorities who would deport her.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Playing the dutiful farm worker, she hides her pain from loss, her fear of discovery and deportation, or worse by her family’s murderer, and eventually her affections for Hagen.
Character Name: Clint
Subtext Identity: Total villain
Subtext Trait: Clint does not care about anyone but himself, his image, his money.
Subtext Logline: Clint is a clever farm manager, who fools his workers, his boss, and the laborers, while robbing and plotting to murder many of them.
Possible Areas of Subtext: While Clint acts like a caring manager when hiring people, fains sympathy for the illegals, is very manipulative with his boss, the farm owner, as well as the supervisors who work for him, and the workers. He uses threats of deportation for sex with the illegal immigrant women.
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Jill Clifford’s Actor Attractors
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that every character has more depth than originally conceived, and exploring that depth helps to create additional scenes in my mind.
Lead Character Name: Hagen Stavros (Alejandro)
Role: Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
For Hagen, it is the emotional journey. Hagan goes from a well earned hate for Hispanics to a well deserved acceptance and compassion.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
Hagan is always a good person, but he learns to help even those people he once hated. Throughout this journey, Hagen has to hide his initial hatred of his coworkers, as well as who he is really is and why he is there, both from them and from the farm manager Clint.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Hagan is brave, he leaps out a second story window in an effort to save a child. He regains the trust of those he is investigating when they discover who he really is, allowing him to shoot down the helicopter chasing them. He is befriended by Rosa (Isabella) and falls for her, even though she is Hispanic.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Hagan has the bravery to leap out a second floor window to try to save a young girl, and he is heartbroken when the girl is needlessly killed.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range
Hagan’s emotional range is extreme, from the rage and grief of having a child he risked his live to save die in his arms, to the fear of being hunted with help only from the people he was investigating, to the compassion to help those he pursued, and even to fall in love and propose to one of them.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Hagan hides his identity from Clint, the antagonist, and from his co-workers while searching for illegals among them, and for the man who killed his sister. He also has to hide the fact that he is falling in love with one of the illegals who has helped him.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Befriended by Hispanic illegal, Isabella, who helps him maintain his undercover identity, he falls in love with her against his better judgment.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Hagan’s voice comes out through his actions, from risking his life to save a child, to going undercover in a risky situation, to saving the men who helped save him, to proposing to a woman he was investigating.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Hagen’s courage and determination to protect and save those endangered with him, in spite of his initial hatred of the illegal Hispanic immigrants.
Lead Character Name: Rosa (Isabella)
Role: Protagonist love interest
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Rosa is courageous and clever in how she escapes being killed in Mexico. Taking the name of Isabella, she is compassionate as she helps Hagan fit in at the farm, and in protecting his secret as an INS agent. She is strong as she survives and helps others survive in the desert while they are being hunted by Clint.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
(Rosa) Isabella’s selfless love for Hagan helps Hagan see that her people are mostly good and caring people, and that the illegal immigrants are being used and abused.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Rosa escapes death in Mexico when her family is murdered. As Isabella, she has the courage to stand up to Clint, and to defend Hagen when his identity is exposed, and helps her coworkers survive in the desert.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Rosa is at home when her family is murdered, but is courageous, clever, and skillful enough to hide and escape to the United States, knowing that the drug lord who killed them is now having her hunted.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range
Rosa is a caring, loving person, who has been traumatized by losing her family and being nearly killed in Mexico. She has to live with the fear of being hunted by a killer. However, nearly dying in the desert, as Isabella, she shows her caring and love for her people and for Hagan that helps many survive.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Rosa, as Isabella, hides the fact that someone is hunting her down to kill her, so information will not get back to the drug lord who killed her family. She also does not want anyone to know other than Clint that she is there illegally. She also falls for Hagan, but doesn’t want him to know as she does not want to endanger him. She also hides Hagen’s true identity when she discovers it.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Rosa’s (Isabella’s) relationship with Hagan is incredible. She falls for him, aids him in learning how to be a farm worker, defends him against the other illegals when his identity is exposed, but hides her affections from him. She also has a contentious relationship with Clint, who knows she is an illegal, and although he tries to take advantage of that, she stands up to him.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Rosa (Isabella) is a caring, compassionate and very skillful person. Her voice comes through is the way she helps others, yet stands up for herself when confronted.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Rosa (Isabella) has incredible strength and compassion. She must hide her true identity from those hunting her, but this doesn’t let this stop her from helping others.
Lead Character Name: Clint
Role: Antagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Clint is the farm manager and an extremely devious and manipulative antagonist, exploiting his own boss, and controlling both the overseers under him and the laborers. He has no conscious and conspires to murder any illegal migrant workers to keep their summer’s pay. He keeps two sets of books and cheats everyone, including the farm owner.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
Clint is extremely clever and manipulative. He enlists the help of his overseers in his criminal activities, while keeping the owner of the farm and the laborers, including the illegals, unaware.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Clint keeps two sets of different books. The accounting books are obvious, but the other set keeps the audience guessing why until it is revealed later. He abuses workers that he knows are illegal, threatening them with deportation if they complain. He arranges to take a group of workers into the desert to be killed to keep their wages. When some of them escape, he continues to hunt them until they are cornered.
4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Clint is threatening and assaulting a woman that he hired, knowing she is an illegal, showing his villainous side, when he is called away to speak to a bus load of new arrivals to be interviewed. He immediately takes on a charming, caring persona to address and interview potential workers.
5. What could be this character’s emotional range
Clint, who is evil, devious, and totally without a conscience, can fool and manipulate people with any emotions he chooses. He only cares about himself and money.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
Clint plays the roll of good and honest foreman so as to fool the owner, the laborers and those under his command that are not part of the plot to steal from the laborers. He also distrusts even the ones who are co-conspirators, and is quite willing to kill them if they get in his way.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Clint must play friend and loyal worker to his boss, the farm owner. He must also manipulate the people under him that are on the take, to keep them loyal and keep the secret hidden. He terrorizes and abuses the illegal immigrant women, demanding sex for inside jobs and to not be deported.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Clint adapts to whatever character he needs to be for the situation. He is all business with the farm owner, while secretly robbing him. He is a charming and caring employer when interviewing the potential workers, while soliciting sex from the women for inside jobs. He is the ruthless mass murderer, who cares nothing about the pain and deaths of his chosen workers.
9. What could make this character special and unique?
Clint is exceptionally good at manipulating people. This is shown in the way he recruits one of the overseers under him to help in his murderous, money-making plot, and then has no compunction in shooting him when the fellow has doubts about what they are doing.
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Jill Clifford’s Actor Attractors for “Double Jeopardy”
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that underlying emotions and motivations can be played out subtly in the characters actions and conversations. It will be my job to build those kinds of factors into my own characters.
Criteria:
A. In your genre: Thriller
B. Has big actors: Ashley Judd, Tommy Lee Jones and Bruce Greenwood.
C. Is a well known movie: Seen by hundreds of thousand of people; grossed over $177,000,000 (budget around $70,000,000).
ACTOR ATTRACTORS
Movie Title: Double Jeopardy
Lead Character Name: Libby Parsons, played by Ashley Judd
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Libby is a caring mother, determined to regain her son, in spite of being wrongfully convicted of murder, being pursued by her probation officer Travis, and confronting Nick, the husband who wants her dead.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
Her attitude of hope and persistence, her courage and conviction, and her intelligence in finding resources and adaptation all allow her to proceed.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Libby displays the horror of her husband’s “death” from the sailboat trip, and amazment over her conviction. She works to strengthens herself physically while in prison, and takes advice from fellow prisoners on how to gain a parole and what she can do once released. She outruns a jeep on the beach, showing her physical prowess, although she gets captured. She escapes from her parole officer Travis and steals his gun after driving them off a ferry in a car. She manages to hunt down her “dead” husband to get back her son. She finds a way to steal a dress and attend an affair where she successfully bids to “buy” Nick, her husband, for a night. She breaks out of the coffin and tomb where her husband thinks he has buried her for good. She enjoys shooting her husband’s valuable artwork and laughing about how good it made her feel, while holding a gun on him and demanding to know where her son is being kept.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
She is shown as the loving mother of her son, a caring wife and friend of the people who subsequently betray her.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
She shows a deep emotional connection to her son both at the beginning and end, a raging hatred for Nick, the husband who framed her for his faked death, a desperation and fear of failure, but a sense of hope and conviction throughout her mission to find her son.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
She hides who she is throughout the movie, pretending to be whomever she needs to be for the situation. In her trial she makes an earnest plea for her innocence. After that, she learns to be very adaptive for the parole board, her parole officer Travis, the art dealer, the hotel clerk, and others.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
She has a love and then hate relationship with her husband who sends her to prison with his faked murder, yet does not seek to kill him. She has a difficult relationship with her parole officer Travis until he finally finds she was telling the truth and helps her find her son.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
She adapts her voice to the situation as well as her actions. When in prison, she has to be tough and defensive; in New Orleans, she adds a little southern drawl for the hotel clerk. She kids around with the husband she hates for framing her telling his “girlfriend” that she is just passing through to pick up her son.
9. What makes this character special and unique?
She is a woman of strength and determination, who succeeds to regain her son despite all odds against her.
10. A scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model:
While at the library, searching for the friend who adopted her son, a guy helps her and then hits on her, asking her out for a drink. She agrees, but must check with her parole officer first. She proceeds to tell him she was convicted for slice and dice of her husband. Needless to say, the guy has something else he has to do. (She shows a sense of humor in spite of her situation.)
Lead Character Name: Travis Lehman played by Tommy Lee Jones
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Travis is an ex-law professor on journey from a lowly parole officer, distrusting everyone, to a strongly convicted man who has to help an innocent woman get revenge on the husband who framed her for his faked murder and regain her son.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
He is unrelenting in his pursuit of his escaped charge Libby, but slowly realizes that she is actually innocent, and can help her regain her son and bring her justice.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
He is unhappy with his job and life and drinks on the job. He risks his life to save Libby when she drives them off the end of a ferry in a car into Puget Sound. In his pursuit of Libby, he uses some of the same resources she has used, like the art dealer, to find where she is going. He threatens Nick Parsens with prison, pretending to blackmail him, after he identifies him as Libby’s “missing” husband. He helps Libby regain her son.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
Travis is an unhappy parole officer running a halfway house of parolees. He is a mean and unmovable master, hauling a parolee off back to prison for a first offense against his rules. He thinks Libby will be a problem for him because he finds a picture of her son in her clothing box.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Travis displays a hidden anger about his life and toward his parolees. He shows humility, but with a sense of humor, when working with the New Orleans police, and enlisting their help to find Libby. He is confident and deceptive when he pretends to set up blackmail of Nick. He is sympathetic with Libby when he finally catches her, and works with her to regain her son.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
He hides his anger about losing his family, but takes it out on others, and secretly drinks on the job. Travis plays cat and mouse with Nick, knowing he is the husband who framed Libby, but not wanting him to know, until he has found Libby. At that point, he can get justice for Libby.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
Travis has an adversarial relationship with his boss, who doesn’t think Travis should pursuit Libby at all. His relationship with Libby changes over time from one of anger that she has tricked him, stole his gun, and likely cost him his job, to one of respecting her for her innocence and wrong conviction, and wanting to help her.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
He states facts in an almost humorous, humble tone, as when he asks one of his former parolees on the job if her boss knows she used to perform the art of fellatio for a living. Then she is willing to give him what he wants. Another example, is when he is soliciting help from the New Orleans police to locate Libby, and he tells the police chief that he is only there as a professional courtesy, since she’s in New Orleans, and came here to kill one of his prominent citizens. When asked how she would do that, Travis tells him, “Oh, I don’t know, probably with the 38 special she stole from me.”
9. What makes this character special and unique?
He’s a lonely guy, who makes it his mission to bring back one of his runaway parolees, especially after she almost drowns him. But he changes over time to a more friendly person, as he slowly finds that Libby is in fact telling the truth about her innocence and being framed for a murder that never happened.
10. A scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model:
Travis confronts Nick with Nick’s driver’s license photo to prove he was never killed by Libby. He pretends to blackmail him, but suggests that Libby is still a problem, walking around out there. Nick says he’s buried the problem – she is not a problem, I promise. At which point, Libby enters and states that Nick is not good at keeping promises. Travis tells Nick that he will be going to prison for murder of Libby, as Travis has taped the conversation that Nick buried the problem. Travis says they will put evidence in the truck of Nick’s car, blood, hair, shovel, gasoline.
After the ensuing battle, with Libby saving Travis’ life, Travis tells her that she is going back to Seattle with him, where he will where he will demand a full pardon and a parade, and a little pink poodle on a key chain.
When they drive up to the school where Libby son is attending, Libby is afraid to get out of the car; afraid her son will not know her after six years. Travis tells her, “Dammit, woman! Because of you, I have lost a perfectly good used car, and a not-so-good job. If you don’t go to this kid right now, I’m gonna have you arrested for stupidity. Go on.”
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Jill Clifford’s Genre Conventions
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is brainstorming the various scenes within the 4 acts helps to bring up more action, more suspense, more mystery, and more tension as needed in a thriller genre movie.
Concept: An undercover INS agent’s life depends on the help from the same illegal immigrants he was planning to deport.
Genre: Thriller
Act 1:
Opening: Undercover INS agent Hagen tries to save a child from a prostitution ring. He risks his life jumping out a window with her, but she is fatally shot needlessly by her Hispanic kidnapper, just before the kidnappers are captured.
Inciting Incident: Hagen’s sister is raped and murdered by two Hispanic men as Hagen is arriving at her home. Hagen catches, fights, and kills one, but the other escapes.
Turning Point: Enraged by these needless deaths, Hagen takes another dangerous undercover assignment to find other illegal immigrants, only when he discovers that his sister’s murderer might have gone back to that farm.
Act 2:
New plan: Hagen goes to a farm as an illegal Hispanic migrant worker “Alexandro” to search out illegal aliens and hopefully his sister’s murderer. He has to hide his identity from both the farm manager who hires him and his fellow workers, which is difficult because he’s never even been on a farm.
Plan in action: Hispanic woman Isabella befriends “Alexandro” and helps him to learn farming and naively to identify other illegal immigrant workers. When farm manager Clint tries to assault Isabella, “Alexandro” fights with him. Clint moves both “Alexandro” and Isabella’s names to his red notebook.
Midpoint Turning Point: “Alexandro” and a dozen other illegals, including Isabella, are taken to the desert by Clint and his truck driver to be shot.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Clint’s jammed gun allows most of the workers to escape. The survivors storm the truck, and when the truck takes off, the jammed gun, shovels, and some of the workers’ possessions slide out of the truck bed. Now, with these few tools, they must survive getting out of the desert without Clint finding them.
New plan: “Alexandro” learns desert survival, finding water and food, from his fellow workers, while being hunted by Clint. However, they are burdened with keeping wounded workers alive, and dealing with desert dangers like rattle snakes and gila monsters. Hagen discovers his sister’s murderer is one of the survivors.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The workers discover Hagen’s identity as an INS agent, and no longer trust him. Clint now hunts them by helicopter, so they have no place to hide.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Isabella pleads Hagen’s defense to the workers. After Hagen shoots down the helicopter, he has a face to face confrontation with Clint, and Isabella is at risk. Migrant workers from the farm and village come en mass to rescue Hagen, Isabella, and the other survivors from Clint.
Resolution: Hagen gets “green cards” for the fellow workers who saved him, and asks Isabella to marry him.
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Jill Clifford’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that “filling in the blanks” helps to organize the plot better than the vague ideas of the story.
Give us the following:
Old Ways:
* Angry at the world
* Hating Hispanics
* Distrustful of women
* Alone and lonely
* Rubber-stamping deportation of any illegal Hispanic immigrants
New Ways:
* No longer angry at the world
* Accepting and respecting Hispanic people
* In love with a Hispanic woman
* Taking consideration for circumstances and peril of illegal immigrants in his INS work, instead of outright deportation of all
Act 1:
Opening: Undercover INS agent Hagen tries to save a young girl from a prostitution ring.
Inciting Incident: Hagen’s sister is raped and murdered.
Turning Point: Hagen reluctantly takes another undercover assignment to find his sister’s murderer and other illegals.
Act 2:
New plan: Hagen goes to a farm as an illegal Hispanic migrant worker “Alexandro” to search out illegal aliens and hopefully his sister’s murderer.
Plan in action: Hispanic woman Isabella befriends “Alexandro” and helps him to learn farming and naively to identify other illegal immigrant workers.
Midpoint Turning Point: “Alexandro” and a dozen other illegals, including Isabella, are taken to the desert by farm manager Clint to be shot.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Clint’s jammed gun allows most of the workers to escape, but now they must survive getting out of the desert without Clint finding them.
New plan: “Alexandro” learns desert survival, finding water and food, from his fellow workers, while being hunted by Clint.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Clint now hunts them by helicopter, so they have no place to hide.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: After “Alexandro” shoots down the helicopter, he has a face to face confrontation with Clint, but the migrant workers come en mass to rescue him and the other survivors.
Resolution: Hagen gets “green cards” for the fellow workers who saved him, and asks Isabella to marry him.
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Jill Clifford’s Subtext Plot
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that there can be all kinds of subtext plots woven into a single story. In my case, I can make the main character very intelligent and skillful, but still have serious shortcomings for his assignment (i.e. being sent undercover as a migrant worker when he doesn’t know anything about farming).
2. Tell us your concept and your choice of one or two of these Subtext Plots.
Concept: An undercover INS agent’s life depends on the help from the same illegal immigrants he was planning to deport.
This story appears to have bits of many of the Subtext Plots, but I think the major one is: “Someone Hides Who They Are.”
A bit of “Scheme and Investigation:” Hagan is investigating a farm where he knows that illegal aliens are being hired, while Clint is scheming to make money off the illegal workers he is hiring.
A bit of “The Fish Out of Water:” Hagen is sent on an undercover job to a farm when he has never even been on a farm, let alone work on one.
But the overall theme is “Someone Hides Who They Are:” As an undercover INS agent, Hagen has to hide who he is from both the fellow farm workers, some of whom he is planning to deport, and the farm manager that he is investigating. What he doesn’t realize until he becomes one of the targeted victims, is that the farm manager is also hiding the fact that he mass murders the illegal workers he hires to keep their pay.
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Jill Clifford’s Transformational Journey
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is a deeper understanding of my protagonist and how to place him in the right emotional state throughout the script. I think this will make a more powerful role for whoever plays this protagonist.
Character Arc for Protagonist Hagen Stravos:
Arc Beginning:
Hagen is a loner, basically distrustful of women, having been dumped by his girlfriend for a Hispanic guy. He hates Hispanics, having a child he rescued aimlessly killed by a Hispanic kidnapper and die in his arms, and his only sister raped and killed by two Hispanic men. He rubber-stamps all Hispanic illegal immigrants deportation papers without regard for their circumstances or peril.
Arc Ending:
Hagen learns to respect the Hispanic population, and even falls in love with a Hispanic woman who has had to make the same survival trip with him. He no longer wants to live alone. He tries to help the illegal Hispanic immigrants he deals with in his work as an INS agent.
Hagen’s Internal Journey:
Hagen lives with anger at those around him, alone and unhappy. He learns to respect and treat others fairly, falls in love and no longer wants to live alone.
Hagen’s External Journey:
Hagen goes from being a “hachet man” at INS to one of compassion for the plight of the illegal Hispanic immigrants he deals with.
Old Ways:
Angry at the world
Hating Hispanics
Distrustful of women
Alone and lonely
Rubber-stamping deportation of any illegal Hispanic immigrants
New Ways:
No longer angry at the world
Accepting and respecting Hispanic people
In love with a Hispanic woman
Taking consideration for circumstances and peril of illegal immigrants in his INS work, instead of outright deportation of all
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Subject line: Jill Clifford’s Intentional Lead Characters
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is it is extremely difficult to boil down the characters to a single sentence without including a whole lot of story detail. Then it was also hard to pick some unique defining persona of each character, again without including a lot of story detail.
Title: Illegal Rescue
Concept: An undercover INS agent’s life depends on the help from the same illegal immigrants he was planning to deport.
Protagonist: Hagen is a brave INS agent who takes his job very seriously.
Logline: Hagen is an INS agent who reluctantly poses as a migrant farm worker, but finds his life endangered, along with those of the illegal immigrants he planned to deport.
Unique: Hagen Stavros is a city guy of Greek heritage, who risks his undercover identity as he has to fake being a Mexican farm worker, a skill unfamiliar to him.
Antagonist: Clint is a farm manager who regularly hires illegal immigrants.
Logline: Clint is a farm manager who keeps the pay of many of the illegal immigrants that he kills and buries in the desert at the end of each harvest.
Unique: Clint is an egotistical farm manager who bribes inside jobs for the women workers in exchange for sex.
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Subject Line: Jill Clifford’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
My Vision: I am going to become skillful enough as a screenwriter that I can to get my scripts into the hands of producers, and ultimately get one or more into a produced feature film.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that there are a lot of different character structures for movies. In this case, although there are many people involved in this story, including a love interest, it is a protagonist versus an antagonist character structure – it boils down to one good man versus one evil man, with some support from others, both good and bad.
Title: Illegal Rescue
Concept: An undercover INS agent’s life depends on the help from the same illegal immigrants he was planning to deport.
Genre: Thriller
Character Structure: Protagonist Versus Antagonist
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Hello Fellow Students! My name is Jill Clifford. I am married and have three grown children. Unlike most of the people who have posted here with many screenplays and successes, I worked in the corporate world most of my life as a computer project manager.
I took the incredible ProSeries 51, and was well into the Master Class 6 when I became critically ill. I tried again with the Master Class 7, but was still too ill to continue. Well, I survived! So nearly 5 years later, I am back to get on the horse and back into writing.
I have one New York and internationally published nonfiction book, and my first attempt at a screenplay got to the quarter finals in the Page Awards years ago. I do believe I can be a successful screenwriter, but I am seeking to all the help I can get.
This class sounds amazing and I am looking forward to sharing it with you as we learn!
– Jill Clifford
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Jill Clifford: I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Thank you! – Jill
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Thank you! -Jill