[Joan Butler]

Hi,
I’m Joan Butler.
I’ve written 4 scripts.
I’m always trying to catch up on Hal’s courses because I write so slowly. I hope that improves.
I try to play nicely with technology, but often it doesn’t play nicely with me. Laree is the support person I call on when I’m in trouble. I think I must have the record for the number of times I’ve called on her.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Characters for Horror

I learned there are 2 sets of victims—the former students and the journalist.
I also learned that my story started to come to life when I had descriptions of the characters.

Concept: After a journalist discovers a severed limb in the forest, she falls in love with the killer she hunts.
Group: Adults who failed in high school.
Dying Pattern: A former teacher kills off his former failing students one by one.
Victims:
Leader:
• Name: Jason Carmichael
• Description: The charismatic owner of the largest logging company in the town, Jason failed his environmental science class and now represents everything the villain despises.
Innocent:
• Out of Control / Obnoxious:
• Name: Derek “DJ” Johnson
• Description: A loud, arrogant former football star who was expelled after failing his history class and is now a washed-up party boy stirring trouble in the town.
Red Herring:
• Name: Nate Rivers
• Description: A brooding ex-con who failed high school entirely and works as a logger, Nate seems suspicious because of his secretive nature and violent reputation.
Rebel / Rule Breaker:
• Name: Sam “Slick” Turner
• Description: A tattoo artist who failed his art class after rejecting traditional assignments and now lives as a free-spirited renegade.
Introvert / Loner:
• Moral One:
• Name: Grace Miller
• Description: A deeply religious homemaker who failed her ethics course but now volunteers at the church, believing in redemption for everyone—even the villain.
Monster Bait:
• Name: Charlie Woods
• Description: A thrill-seeking logger who failed his physics class and now recklessly tests his limits, ignoring the danger signs in both work and life.
Sacrificial Lamb:
• Name: Tommy Briggs
• Description: A sweet but gullible handyman who always tried to make the villain laugh in high school but failed due to a learning disability and dies early in the story to set the stakes.
Journalist:
• Name: Hope Freeman
• Description: A blogger new to the logging town who seeks a scoop. After photographing a severed limb, she believes she will have a scoop when she finds the killer and brings him to justice. However, she falls in love with him.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Terrifying Monster

I learned that the relationship between the killer and the journalist was too similar to the abusive relationship in my other script. I want to explore a different relationship.

• Who is your killer?
A former principal turned anti-logging protester.
• His Terror:
a) He kills former students who failed in high school.
b) He exploits a journalist’s emotional vulnerabilities, manipulating her love and trust to isolate her from her support system. He stalks and gaslights her into a relentless cycle of fear, isolation, and psychological torment.
• The Mystery:
How will the journalist who loves him uncover that he is manipulating her emotions and trust to conceal his true identity as a killer?
• His Fear-provoking Appearance:
His charming smile can change to an evil sneer. His eyes can change from kind to murderous.
He has two fingers on one hand.
• His Rules:
The killer has a fixation about time. The dismemberment happens according to a symbolic calendar.
He is slow and methodical. He draws out his victim’s fear before striking with precise brutality. The longer the victim is left in fear, the more psychological damage is done.
He stalks and severs the limbs of former students who failed in high school.
He severs limbs after forcing his victims to eat their fingers or toes.

I learned that the relationship between the killer and the journalist can be written in totally different ways.

What I Changed:

• His terror
He haunts the journalist with unexplained phone calls, letters written in a chillingly intimate style, and recordings of the journalist’s own voice—making her feel that every action is being observed.
He leaves cryptic messages and gruesome "gifts" that play on the journalist’s fears.
He stages scenarios that appear as if they are working together to solve the case.
He carefully plants evidence that misdirects her investigation toward another suspect, manipulating her perception of events.
He provides access to staged crime scenes or false leads that align with her expectations/ biases as a journalist.
He provides tips, hints, and personal details that keep her chasing shadows and emotionally invested in solving the case while remaining steps ahead of her.
He leaves items in her path that seem unrelated to him but tie back to the case.
He stages scenarios that mirror aspects of her past traumas or unresolved issues, making her feel like solving the case will resolve her personal struggles.
He puts her in dangerous situations, then rescues her.
He diverts her focus away from the investigation.
He creates moral dilemmas, making her question what is right and what is wrong.

• This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Lesson 1: Woman of the Hour Conventions
I watched this movie because it was a reverse whodunnit about a serial killer. This is the same premise as my script.

I learned that a reverse whodunnit works well as a horror. I also learned that this movie had all the conventions of a horror except one—a departure from reality. I found that very interesting.

Title: Woman of the Hour
Concept: A serial killer rapes and murders hundreds of women—three victims are seen in this movie.
Genre: Thriller, not Horror because it does not depart from reality.
Isolation: The killer kills women in the desert or in their homes where they live alone.
Death: Victims are raped and murdered.
Villain: He poses as a photographer, then rapes and kills his victims.
Tension: Tension is created by making the scenes very slow.
Departure from Reality: None.
Moral Statement: The first victim says every man is a little dangerous. Women who forget this die.

My Script (I haven’t worked out all the kinks.)

Title: Falling for Evil
Genre: Horror
Isolation: Isolated logging town
Villain: A former high school principal returns to his hometown as the leader of an anti-logging protest.
Death: He forces his victims to eat their fingers or toes before he severs their limbs.
Tension: Reverse whodunnit. The audience knows the killer from the first page. A journalist falls in love with the killer. She hunts for him in all the wrong places because he is manipulating her investigation.
Departure from Reality: eating fingers and toes.
Moral Statement: Survival of the fittest—failure is punishable by death.

• This reply was modified 3 months, 2 weeks ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Joan Butler]

I’m Joan Butler.
I’ve written 4 scripts.
My heart is in drama, but it is difficult to sell, so I am branching out. Horror has never been my thing. I’m hoping that will change as I come to understand it.
Nelson Mandela’s words help me to feel capable while I’m writing. “We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be?”
I look forward to working with all of you.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Meets Producer/Manager

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

I will show that I am keen to work with that producer, and I am willing to make whatever changes are required to get the movie made.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?

I will trust their knowledge and say YES to whatever they ask of me.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Marketable Components

I learned that if I rewrite my script it could be very successful.

LOGLINE: A wheelchair-bound woman accepts a job at a crumbling asylum, only to uncover a dark conspiracy led by a priest: at 6 pm on her 25th birthday, she’s to be sacrificed to cleanse the sins of the US president.

• A. Unique:

Many thrillers feature able-bodied heroes, but a disabled protagonist offers a fresh perspective, allowing for an exploration of physical and psychological limitations and how these challenges are overcome.
The idea of the U.S. president being involved in a dark, sacrificial conspiracy is an unusual and powerful twist. This high-stakes conspiracy connects the personal (the protagonist’s fate) with the political (the president’s sins and cleansing), and the religious (a priest and a Mother Superior) creating a larger-than-life context for the thriller.

• B. Great Title.

The Cleansing Hour creates a sense of mystery and suspense with religious or ritualistic overtones.

• C. True. N/A

• D. Timely. N/A (although it could be very timely ha ha joke)

• E. It’s a first. N/A

• F. Ultimate. N/A

• G. Wide audience appeal.

Supernatural thrillers overlap with horror and mysteries. Streaming services like Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime offer supernatural thrillers regularly, and these films often perform well in terms of viewership and streaming rankings.

• H. Adapted from a popular book. N/A

• I. Similarity to a box-office success.

Shutter Island meets Pelican Brief

Shutter Island $294 million (worldwide); Pelican Brief $195 million (worldwide)

• J. A great role for a bankable actor.

The protagonist deals with psychological issues as well as physical threats.

The villain is a charming, evil priest.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Project: Asylum Secrets Market: people who enjoy supernatural thrillers.
I LEARNED: My subplot is more interesting than my plot.
GENRE: Supernatural Thriller TITLE: Asylum Secrets CONCEPT: A wheelchair-bound woman discovers that clergy are trapping souls in mirrors—and her soul is next.
MOST INTERESTING: Innocent souls absorb the sins of the ultrarich in an ancient ritual. The innocent souls have to bear the guilt and shame of the ultra-rich.
TARGET: Production companies run by actors. The characters are all very interesting.

• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Joan Butler.
• This reply was modified 6 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

I, Joan Butler, agree to the following: As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Joan Butler]

1. I’m Joan Butler
2. I’ve written 3 scripts.
3. I hope this class will help me create a better supernatural thriller.
4. I have “It will come to me.” in front of me while I write.

[Joan Butler]

MISSING Thriller Conventions. (You can watch it on YouTube)

What I learned: After watching such a good thriller, I felt as if it is impossible to turn my Supernatural Drama into a thriller.

Hero: June Allen is a teen with computer skills. She searches for her mother, Grace Allen, who supposedly went on vacation with her boyfriend in Columbia. The FBI tell June not to search, but she her knowledge of social media, dating sites, camera footage, Google Earth, etc. to track her mother.

Villain: For much of the story, it appears to be the boyfriend. Then it looks like Grace planned her own kidnapping. Near the end, we realize that June’s kind “dead” father and the boyfriend organized Grace’s kidnapping. It turns out that the father will stop at nothing, including murder, to have June.

High stakes: The mystery is: Where is Grace and who has taken her? June’s need to get her mother back increases with each passing day.

Life and death situations: June will lose her mother if she doesn’t find her mother alive. Following the inciting incident, Grace is in danger during the entire movie

This movie keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with all of these emotions:
Suspense
Intrigue
Mystery
Tension
Anticipation
Uncertainty
Surprise

It’s a thrilling journey because it twists and turns. The audience thinks each character is this, but turns out to be that. The only character that doesn’t twist is the protagonist. Her journey is one of a teen who ignores her mother at the beginning to one who appreciates her mother at the end.

The big mystery is: Where is Grace?

The big intrigue is: Someone planned and carried out her kidnapping.

The big suspense is: Will June find Grace before she is killed?

This is a great thriller because there is very little dialogue. The story takes place on June’s computer, where she quickly searches website after website. If I looked away, I missed what was happening.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Joan Butler.
• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

I’m Joan Butler.
I’ve written 2 dramatic scripts.
I’m hoping to learn how to write a thriller because I understand that it will be easier to sell than a drama.
Something strange: I am not on social media. I realize I am missing out on many opportunities, but I find it stresses me out.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler’s Actor attractors for The Others

I am a well-respected writer with a balanced life whose stories increase understanding and compassion in the world, while they receive the highest recognition from everyone in the industry. I have loads of creativity, confidence, adaptability, and knowledge that make writing fun and profitable.

I learned that there are many reasons actors want to be in a movie and most have nothing to do with money.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS

Movie Title: The Others

Lead Character Name: Nicole Kidman

1. Kidman often plays the “ice queen”. This role showed her ability to play a wide range of emotions.

2. Her character appears to be an overly strict mother at the beginning. As the movie progresses, she becomes more and more loving, a mother who always thinks of her children.

3. Her emphasis on religion is interesting. We think she is a religious fanatic until we realize she is trying to keep her children safe.

4. She begins with a blood-curdling scream.

5. Emotional range: terror, anger, kindness, and love

6. She pretends to believe in God while she has no faith.

7. Her relationship with her daughter is the most interesting relationship. Her daughter is the antagonist, who battles with her mother.

8. She speaks in a very clipped manner and she is constantly telling everyone what to do so that she is in control. This reveals how frightened she is, and how out of control she is. She is hanging by a very thin thread.

9. She is a mother on the edge of madness. I haven’t seen this.

10. In the scene, she is making her defiant daughter read the Bible.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler’s Subtext Plot
I am a well-respected writer with a balanced life whose stories increase understanding and compassion in the world, while they receive the highest recognition from everyone in the industry. I have loads of creativity, confidence, adaptability, and knowledge that make writing fun and profitable.

What I learned: I thought that AI did not understand subtext. This module showed me that it can do it when the prompt is specific.

High Concept: In a post-apocalyptic world, a young woman in a wheelchair sets out to find an artifact, unaware that its true value lies in empowering her to find her own courage and resilience.

Someone hides who they are and Scheme and Investigation:
While Lyra is on her quest to find the artifact, Mara, the guide, hides her true motives from Lyra and Finn. Her lies and deceit threaten to derail their mission. Through clues and investigation, Lyra slowly uncovers the deception. This leads to a confrontation between Mara and the other two characters.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Joan Butler.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler’s Transformational Journey

MY VISION: I am a well-respected writer with a balanced life whose stories increase understanding and compassion in the world, while they receive the highest recognition from everyone in the industry. I have loads of creativity, confidence, adaptability, and knowledge that make writing fun and profitable.

LEARNING: CHAT is teaching me about my character. Who would have thunk (spelled incorrectly on purpose) it?

MY PROTAGONIST LYRA:

Character Arc:

Beginning: She doubts her abilities and is afraid to defy societal expectations of herself.

Ending: She is confident in her abilities, has defied society’s expectations, and has embraced her own courage and resilience. Lyra evolves into a leader who inspires others to defy limitations and embrace diversity.

Improving Character Arc: Ensure that Lyra's transformation is gradual and believable, allowing for moments of doubt and growth throughout the story. Highlight pivotal moments where Lyra confronts her fears and makes choices that challenge her limitations, ultimately leading to her evolution into a courageous hero.

Internal Journey: Throughout the journey, Lyra undergoes a profound emotional transformation

Beginning:

She is filled with self-doubt and insecurity. She also accepts the limitations society places upon her and is reluctant to challenge them.

Ending:

She confronts her fears and insecurities, finding inner resilience and courage in the face of adversity. She also learns to trust in her own abilities and value herself beyond societal expectations.

External Journey:

Beginning: Lyra sets out to find an artifact in a land of treacherous landscapes governed by the tyrannical leader, Lord Tena.

Ending: She finds the artifact, saves her people, and becomes their hero.

Improving Internal/External Journey: Ensure that Lyra's internal struggles are mirrored in her external challenges, with each obstacle she faces serving as a catalyst for her emotional growth. Show how her external triumphs and setbacks shape her internal journey, reinforcing her transformation throughout the story.

Old Ways/New Ways:

Old Ways:

· Self-doubt

· Insecurity

· Reluctant to challenge the norms of society

· Passively accepts the limitations imposed on her by others

· Struggles to see her own worth beyond her disability

· Naïve about the journey ahead

· Frustrated because the population discriminates and marginalizes her

· Resentful/jealous of people without disabilities

New Ways:

· Has met the challenges of the journey

· No longer doubts her abilities

· confidently defies societal expectations

· sees her disability as a source of strength and empowerment.

· Is no longer frustrated, resentful, or jealous

Improving Old Ways/New Ways: Ensure that Lyra's transformation is evident in both her actions and her mindset, with each decision she makes reflecting her growth and newfound confidence. Show how Lyra's journey empowers her to challenge and overcome her old ways, leading to her triumphant evolution into a fearless leader.

By focusing on Lyra's Character Arc, Internal/External Journey, and Old Ways/New Ways, "Wheelchair Quest" can deliver a compelling and inspiring fantasy adventure that celebrates courage, resilience, and the power of self-discovery.

2 / 2

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler’s Intentional Lead Characters (Module 2.2)

I am a well-respected writer with a balanced life whose stories increase understanding and compassion in the world, while they receive the highest recognition from everyone in the industry. I have loads of creativity, confidence, adaptability, and knowledge that make writing fun and profitable.

I learned that AI’s ability to create full-fledged, unique characters is unbelievable.

Title: Wheelchair Quest

Concept: A young woman in a wheelchair who sets out to find an artifact is pitted against a tyrant who will stop at nothing to maintain his hold on her people.

High Concept: In a post-apocalyptic world, a young woman in a wheelchair sets out to find an artifact, unaware that its true value lies in empowering her to find her own courage and resilience.

My character Lyra (protagonist) is a young woman in a wheelchair who is determined to prove her worth.

My character Lord Tena (antagonist) a tyrant who is intent on maintaining power and control of Lyra’s people.

Logline: Lyra (protagonist) a young woman in a wheelchair who is determined to prove her worth.

because she faces

Unique: Growing up with discrimination due to her disability has left her doubting her own capabilities and worth. She also carries a sense of frustration at the injustices she has faced.

Character: Lord Tena

Logline: Lord Tena (antagonist) is a tyrant who is intent on maintaining power and control of Lyra’s people.

Unique: Growing up in poverty has left him fearful and insecure.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure! (Module 2.1)

I am a well-respected writer with a balanced life whose stories increase understanding and compassion in the world, while they receive the highest recognition from everyone in the industry. I have loads of creativity, confidence, adaptability, and knowledge that make writing fun and profitable.

I learned the 4 reasons for doing an outline. The fact an outline will save me drafts has me convinced that an outline is important.

Title: Wheelchair Quest

Concept: In a post-apocalyptic world, a young woman in a wheelchair sets out to find an artifact, unaware that its true value lies in empowering her to find her own courage and resilience.

Character structure: Protagonist vs Antagonist

[Joan Butler]

1. Joan Butler

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. I have read it.

[Joan Butler]

My name is Joan Butler

I have written 2 screenplays.

I hope to learn how to brainstorm with AI and get out of my comfort zone.

I have It Will Come To Me in front of me when I write. It helps me stay calm.

[Joan Butler]

Do the empowerment exercises every day to have a happier and more fulfilling life.

[Joan Butler]

Day 9. Introduction of Protagonist

I learned that it is difficult to create an interesting situation.

Name: Selma

a. What is the interesting situation?

She is in an alley next to a dumpster. She talks to a framed photo of her mother and says sorry. She throws rose petals into the dumpster.

b. What is the Insight about this character?

She lives in the past.

c. What Action and Description will sell this character?

EXT. ALLEY – DAY

An old Versa sedan pulls up alongside a dumpster.

SELMA(37) is an African American who always speaks softly and unconsciously drops I from most of her speech. She always wears Walmart clothes with a necklace of smooth stones and beads.

She exits the car with a suitcase and a dozen pink roses. Opens the suitcase on the hood.

Removes two pamphlets–Welcome to St. Joseph’s Psychiatric Hospital and Depression and You–that rest on a framed photo.

In the photo MOMMA(mid-20s), a tiny African American, stands next to CHILD SELMA(7), an African American girl. Momma wears a green sweater.

SELMA

(to the photo)

They were going to let me out next week but signed myself out to be here for you… Can you believe it’s the thirtieth anniversary? It feels like you died yesterday.

She tosses rose petals into the dumpster. Her eyes fill. Scarred wrists show when her sleeves ride up.

SELMA

So sorry, Momma.

[Joan Butler]

Day 6. Testing Characters

I learned that
Elizabeth needs more subtext. They sound the same. They don’t have interesting
phrasing. I don’t know what is truly special about these characters.<div><div>

Old Concept:

A guilt-ridden
counselor who lies and trusts no one is determined to save a woman who is
adamant that her abusive husband is a good man.

New Concept:

A guilt-ridden
counselor who lies and trusts no one is determined to rescue a woman who staunchly
defends her abusive husband — even though the counselor fears the woman.

Character to Character:

Selma, my protagonist is now afraid of the other character’s anger. Elizabeth is almost always angry when she is with Selma.

Characters to Theme:

Domestic abuse doesn’t have to last forever.

Elizabeth has always fit the theme. She is an abused woman who decides to leave her husband at the end of the story.

Selma was abused as a child and that abuse rules her life. She didn’t fit the theme. She now learns to use the techniques she teaches Elizabeth. Selma’s abuse doesn’t have to last forever.

</div> </div>

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Joan Butler.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Day 5 Make Your Characters Irresistible

I learned that the 6 interventions may not be interesting enough. This is difficult because they are the backbone of the story.

Selma

Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

It’s about having a great part to play.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Must be more interesting than the supporting roles.

She has no one in her life. Her only companion is her mother’s framed photo. She needs her boss’s guidance but doesn’t trust her. Her reaction to Elizabeth during the interventions is in understated gestures.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Make the situation unique.

She does 6 interventions at the shelter, each with its own modalities. She breaks down and tries to kill herself with a sharp pencil.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? It sets the tone for how the actor will perceive every line of dialogue and every action the character takes.

Life revolves around her past. Momma=Throws rose petals in the dumpster. Says sorry to her picture. Was hospitalized for depression brought on my the 30^th anniversary of her mother’s death. Daddy=creates the Inciting Incident. He tells her to go back to the shelter.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Display believable emotions and go to extremes.

Dancing for joy to trying to kill herself.

6. What subtext can the actor play? The more you design subtext into your script, the more it will fit their natural process.

When she says she’s happy living alone.

7. What are the most interesting relationships this character has?

Her relationship with the photo.

Her relationship with Elizabeth. Why?

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

a) The character’s traits come through on almost every line.

b) The character has an interesting way of phrasing things and comes from an interesting perspective.

c) The character doesn’t sound like everyone else.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Is there something truly special about this character? This goes deeper than dialogue and actions. There needs to be something about this character that sets them apart from all the others.

She’s humane.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR Model for CHARACTER 2

Lead Character Name: Elizabeth

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

She is caught between Mark, her abuser, and Selma.

3. What are the most interesting actions she takes in the movie?

She runs from home. Takes part in the interventions.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

She is a doctor who kisses the shoes of her husband.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Fear. Anxiety. Bliss. Anger. Sorrow. Regret.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

7. What are the most interesting relationships this character has?

She and her abuser. She and Selma. She and Jasmine.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Comes from the perspective of a doublethinking victim.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

She doublethinks.

[Joan Butler]

Day 4 How Your Lead Character Attracts Actors

I learned there are specific things I can add to my character to make her attractive to an actor.

Movie Title: Love Actually

Lead Character Name: Karen

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

With very few lines Karen creates a memorable character.

Karen is so kind, has so much integrity, and is such a supportive mom that the audience empathizes with her in every scene and goes on an unforgettable emotional ride with her.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

She is the most unsophisticated character in the movie and has most of the funny lines that she says deadpan because she doesn’t realize they’re funny. More importantly, she is an Everywoman character who reacts differently than many women with straying husbands.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Karen’s situation is not unique but her reaction to her husband is. When her husband breaks her heart, she doesn’t yell at him. She simply lets him know in an off-the-cuff way that she realizes he bought the necklace for someone else.

When she reads her son’s essay, we expect her to get mad at him. Instead, she totally supports him.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Karen is introduced as “obviously mid-forties, very English, still quite nice looking, and good” which is funny. Then she says a funny line that she takes very seriously.

“Doesn’t mean I’m not terribly concerned that your wife just died.”

She listens to her children’s ridiculous conversations and is totally supportive.

We see that she’s a bit batty but has a heart of gold.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

From joy to heartbreak.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

She acts as if it’s perfectly natural to have a lobster in the Nativity play.

She suggests to her son that invisible fart-detecting gas could be developed.

She is heartbroken but she acts as if the CD is just what she wanted.

7. What are the most interesting relationships this character has?

As Karen, her relationship with her children. Where another mother might laugh at or yell at her child, she remains ever-interested and supportive.

In real life, Emma Thompson may have wanted to play off Alan Rickman and Hugh Grant.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

She is deadpan as she says some of the funniest lines because she doesn’t realize they’re funny.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

She wants to be seen as more than the quintessential mother. But her lack of sophistication and her need to keep her family happy allows her husband to walk on her. Yet these traits are the reason we love her.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

“She tries to smile – and as the song continues, heads back to re-join family life with smiles, kisses, and laughter… And a breaking heart.”

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Day 3 What’s Special About Your Character?

I learned that these are useful techniques for opening my mind to possibilities.

Selma

I am keeping: She commits suicide because she didn’t save her mother or Elizabeth. (Changed to: tries to commit suicide.)

Other Extremes

1. Attitude: Frustrated with Elizabeth. — Furious with Elizabeth and never counsels anyone again. INTENSE.

2. Distrusts Gaia. — Cuts all contact with her. INTENSE.

3. Proud of not lying for one month – Proud of not lying for one second. ODD.

4. Worst nightmare: Being kicked to death by one man. – Being kicked for eternity by hundreds of men. INTENSE.

Elizabeth

She lives her worst nightmare: She realizes she isn’t delusional and she gave her baby away for no reason.

Other Extremes

1. Fears Mark’s cruelty. – Fears Mark will kill her. INTENSE.

2. Subtext: When she wants to hide something, she attacks. – She kills. INTENSE.

3. Inner conflict: Mark is an abuser. / Mark is a good man. – Mark is the Devil. / Mark is God. PROFOUND.

4. Motto: Love heals all wounds. – She becomes a faith healer. PROFOUND.

Extrapolations

Selma

If Mark comes to her door and she knows how cruel he is maybe she won’t open the door.

If Gaia doesn’t accept her resignation and decides to help Selma maybe she won’t quit her job.

If her mother’s picture breaks and Selma thinks her mother won’t forgive her maybe Selma will go back to the hospital to be treated for depression.

Elizabeth

If she gave away her own baby and she looks after Jasmine’s maybe she would try to steal the baby.

If she’s angry with Selma and Mark maybe she will go to Bella’s apartment.

If she stops doublethinking and still believes Mark is a good man maybe she will return to him and never go back to the shelter.

[Joan Butler]

Day 2. Optional Characteristics To Create Depth

I learned that I know these characteristics but I must make sure I show the audience.

Selma

Logline: To atone for her mother’s death, a novice counselor must save an abused woman from a husband who is mentally abusing her.

1. Selma’s arc: trusts no one/Trusts her boss Gaia and Elizabeth.

lies when she feels cornered/ Doesn’t lie.

fears the shelter/ Willing to counsel another woman.

2. Values: love and forgiveness.

3. Attitude: Frustrated with Elizabeth. Distrusts Gaia. Love/hates her father.

4. Defining Event: Watching her father kill her mother.

5. Mission: to atone for her mother’s death by saving Elizabeth.

6. Secret: She lies and is responsible for her mother’s death.

7. Proud of not lying for a month.

8. Psych issues: trauma bonded to Daddy. Guilt-ridden about Momma’s death. Lies due to childhood fears.

9. Paradox/ Warring Elements: Love/hate for Daddy. Frustration/ caring for Elizabeth.

10. Worst nightmare: Being kicked to death.

Elizabeth

Logline: When an abused woman flees to a shelter, she must realize that her husband is not a good man in order to leave him.

1. Arc: Mark is a good man/He tried to destroy me.

2. Fear’s Mark’s cruelty.

3. Mission: to look after Jasmine’s baby because she gave away her own baby. To take care of Mark because he is “broken”.

4. Secret: She is delusional. She steals.

5. Values: Love. Loyalty.

6. Motto: Love Heals All Wounds.

7. Proud of the selfie pictures of grandparents and their grandchildren in her office.

8. Psych Issues: She believes she is delusional. She believes that Mark is a good man.

9. Inner conflict: Mark is a good man. / He is an abuser.

10. Worst nightmare: To realize she isn’t delusional and gave her baby away for nothing.

[Joan Butler]

I learned this is an effective way to make changes to my script.

I made 21 changes to my outline. I haven’t included them here because there were too many.

[Joan Butler]

Rewrite Day 5 Character Story Lines

I learned that dilemmas give depth to my characters. I need dilemmas for Mark and Bella.

1. Elizabeth

Opening: She’s a mentally abused woman living with Mark, her abusive husband.

Inciting Incident: Mark throws his breakfast dishes. She is scalded when coffee splashes on her arm.

Turning Point 1: She decides to come for counseling.

Midpoint: She discovers Selma, the counselor, has lied to her.

Turning point 2: Mark threatens to ruin her career. She decides to go back to him.

Dilemma: She can stay at the shelter and let Mark ruin her career or she can go back to him and be abused. She decides she would rather die than give up her career because it’s all she has.

Major Conflict: Mark tries to kidnap her. She defeats him.

Ending: She and Selma create a worldwide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

2. Mark

Opening: He is a respected surgeon who lives with Elizabeth and abuses her.

Inciting Incident: Elizabeth flees.

Turning Point 1: He discovers where she is staying but thinks it’s a Retreat Center.

Midpoint: His dog dies. He falls apart. He lives in his car and spies on the shelter.

Turning Point 2: He confronts Selma and discovers that the Retreat Center is actually a shelter for abused women.

Dilemma: ?

Major Conflict: He tries to kidnap Elizabeth.

Ending: He is arrested by police who don’t respect him.

3. Jasmine

Opening: (before the story begins) She lives with Clarence, her abusive boyfriend who breaks her arm.

Inciting incident: She gives birth to a baby girl.

Turning Point 1: Selma lets her stay at the shelter even though Selma knows that no children are allowed. Jasmine is adamant that she will not go back to Clarence.

Midpoint: Her father says she and the baby are not welcome with him and his wife.

Dilemma: To stay at the shelter for three weeks then raise her daughter by herself or return to Clarence, suffer more abuse, but have his help raising their daughter. She decides to return to him because she has no one else.

Major Conflict: Elizabeth tries to stop Jasmine from taking the baby to Clarence.

Ending: She and the baby are killed by Clarence.

4. Gaia

Opening: She manages the shelter. She is looking for a counselor to follow a step-by-step process with brainwashed victims of domestic abuse to find out if it will keep them from returning to their abusers. She misses her dead daughter.

Inciting incident: She interviews Selma.

Turning Point 1: She offers the job to Selma and Selma takes it.

Midpoint: She demands that Selma change her approach to Elizabeth after she flees from Selma.

Dilemma: To agree to lose her job if the experiment doesn’t work or to keep her job safe by canceling the experiment. Show this on screen.

Major Conflict: Gaia vs her boss, Petra who believes that counseling is a waste of money.

Ending: Gaia keeps her job when Selma convinces Elizabeth to not return to Mark. She becomes a surrogate mother to Selma and Selma becomes Gaia’s surrogate daughter.

5. Bella

Opening: She is an abused woman staying at the shelter who is dealing with alcoholism.

Inciting Incident: She meets Elizabeth.

Turning Pont 1: Elizabeth comes to Bella for advice. Their friendship deepens.

Midpoint: She agrees to help Selma keep Elizabeth at the shelter.

Turning Point 2: She convinces Elizabeth to stay until Sunday.

Dilemma:?

Major Conflict: She and Elizabeth argue about Elizabeth returning to Mark.

Ending: She has a solid friendship. She leaves the shelter and invites Elizabeth to stay with her in her new home.

[Joan Butler]

I learned that subtext happens when the character is hiding something.

Movie Stars Day 1 Character Profile

1. Name: Selma

Role in the Story: Protagonist. She is the counselor who must convince Elizabeth to leave her abusive husband. She trusts no one.

Age: 35 to 45 She is an African-American counselor who is mired in her abusive childhood. She always wears a necklace of smooth stones and beads.

Core traits: guilt-ridden, distrustful, lies, self-sufficient

Subtext: She lies.

Motivation: want—to pay a hospital bill. To save Elizabeth from harm. Need—to ease her guilt by atoning for her mother’s death.

Flaws: She trusts no one and lies when she feels cornered.

What Makes Her Special?: She allows her childhood experiences to rule her life.

Character Logline: To atone for her mother’s death, a guilt-ridden counselor takes work at a shelter where she must overcome her fear of a client’s anger in order to save her.

2. Name: Elizabeth

Age: 40 to 50 She is a white doctor who suffers from mental abuse.

Role in the story: Antagonist. She is Selma’s first client and the abused wife.

Core Traits: Loyal, kind to those who need her help, angry, distrustful. She believes her husband is a good man.

Subtext: She attacks.

Motivation: Want—to be happy, to take home something from the counseling that will help her at home, to find her lost self, to have her husband return to the man she fell in love with.

Need—to be loved.

Flaw: She believes her husband is a good man.

What Makes this Character Special:

She is adamant her husband is a good man even when he abuses her.

Character Logline: When an abused woman flees to a shelter, she must realize that her husband is not a good man in order to leave him.

[Joan Butler]

Day 4 Character Profiles

I learned one more way to add emotion to Selma.

1. Name: Selma

Role in the Story: Protagonist. She is the counselor who must convince Elizabeth to leave her abusive husband.

Core Traits: guilt-ridden because she believes she is responsible for her mother’s death, distrustful because she could never trust her father when she was a child, lies when she feels cornered because she is afraid of being in trouble, a capable counselor, self-sufficient.

Motivation: want—to pay a hospital bill. To save Elizabeth from harm. Need—to ease her guilt by atoning for her mother’s death.

Flaws—She trusts no one and lies when she feels cornered.

Wound—her father’s abuse culminating in her watching him kill her mother.

Secret—She lies to Elizabeth.

Internal dilemma—She is afraid of Elizabeth’s anger and wants her to leave. / To keep her job, she must save Elizabeth. To increase Selma’s emotion a) Highlight this in the script. B) make her more and more anxious as the end of the 6 days approaches.

What makes this character perfect for this story?—She fulfills the concept and the story’s need by being the only person who can save Elizabeth. Drives the conflict by telling the lie and pushing Elizabeth to realize that her husband is not a good man.

2. Name: Elizabeth

Role in the story: Antagonist. She is Selma’s first client and the abused wife.

Core Traits: Loyal, kind to those who need her help, angry, distrustful. She believes her husband is a good man.

Motivation: Want—to be happy, to take home something from the shelter that will help her, to find her lost self, to have her husband return to the man she fell in love with.

Need—to be loved.

Flaw: She believes her husband is a good man.

Wound: none.

Secret: She believes she has delusions and she put her baby up for adoption to keep her safe from the delusions.

Internal Dilemma: She loves her husband. / She is afraid of him.

What Makes the Character Perfect for this Role?: She fulfills the concept by fleeing to the shelter because she is mentally and emotionally abused by her husband. She fulfills the story’s need by becoming Selma’s client. She drives the conflict by believing her husband is a good man, thereby opposing Selma’s goal of convincing Elizabeth to leave her husband. She also discovers Selma’s lie which increases the conflict.

3. Name: Mark

Role in the Story: Antagonist. He is Elizabeth’s abusive husband. He opposes Selma because she wants Elizabeth to leave him and he is bent on having her at home.

Core Traits: dishonest, manipulative, controlling, loves his dog.

Motivation: Want— to be respected

Need–to have power and control over Elizabeth.

Flaw: his need to have power and control over Elizabeth.

Wound: He witnessed his father abuse his mother.

Secret: He is lying to Elizabeth about her delusions.

Internal Dilemma: He wants power and control over Elizabeth. / He wants to be loved.

What makes this character perfect for his role in this story?: He fulfills the concept by abusing his wife mentally and emotionally. He drives the conflict by gaslighting and manipulating Elizabeth every night, unbeknownst to Selma, while she tries to convince Elizabeth to leave him. The members of the audience need to see and hear him abusing her so they can understand why Selma is trying to save Elizabeth.

[Joan Butler]

I learned how and where to add emotion to my script. I have been trying to do this for ages.

The new ideas are in bold italics.

CONVENTIONS OF DRAMA PURPOSE: To explore stories with emotional and interpersonal high stakes for their characters.

CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY: We always need to care about the characters in a Drama, and their internal journey drives the film’s events and progression.

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN: Whether the story’s events are relatively mundane or intense, the struggles, obstacles, and stakes comes from within the characters more than from external pressures.

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES: Drama audiences want to feel and be moved by the characters’ emotions and how they experience the events.

CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED SITUATIONS: Characters get challenged to their core by the emotional situations and struggles that they run into.

REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS: Drama stories are grounded in reality.

Genre: Drama

Title: The Way Out

Concept: What if a counselor has 6 days to save a woman from a husband who is brainwashing her?

Main Conflict: The counselor is determined that the woman leave her husband; The husband is bent on having her home.

Act 1:

Opening-

Selma throws rose petals into a dumpster. Selma lives alone and trusts no one. She speaks to her dying father who is in prison.

Inciting Incident-

Selma’s dying father says, “Face your demons.” She doesn’t want to go. must return to the transition house. Flashback—Selma aged 10 pulling her mother away from the transition house.

Turning Point-

The inner stakes: Selma must get Elizabeth into counseling to atone for Momma’s death. Elizabeth wants to leave. Selma has to work at getting Elizabeth to come for counseling because she wants to learn to be happy and find her “lost self”.

Act 2:

New plan-

Selma’s boss explains the plan by giving the goals and says, “Get a good sleep. Tomorrow she’s all yours.”

Plan in action-

Selma begins the 1^st intervention. Is Not challenged to the core.

Fears are due to childhood experiences.

2^nd intervention Selma feels cornered. Is afraid to get into trouble. Lies.

3^rd intervention Selma is afraid of Elizabeth’s anger and wants to get away from Elizabeth. Selma sabotages the session so Elizabeth will leave.

Midpoint Turning Point-

Selma’s lie is discovered.

Act 3

Selma is conflicted. She fears Elizabeth’s anger but she must atone for her mother’s death. She decides atoning is more important. Make this decision a challenge to the core.

Selma must win Elizabeth back if she decides to show up.

New Plan-

Selma apologizes profusely and stops pushing Elizabeth.

4^th intervention Selma deals with the anger using breathing techniques and drinking water. Is not challenged to the core as yet.

5^th intervention has nothing emotional or challenged to the core as yet.

6^th intervention Selma comes to care about Elizabeth as she becomes more than just a client. The challenge is now a personal quest to save Elizabeth.

Turning Point: Huge Failure/ Major Shift-

Elizabeth decides to go home. Selma is heartbroken when she offers her resignation to her boss, Gaia.

Act 4:

Climax/ Ultimate Expression of the Conflict-

Selma does a totally different kind of intervention. Up until now, she has used logic. Instead, she uses emotion. Selma is challenged and emotional while she does this.

Elizabeth breaks down and confides that she gave her daughter up for adoption because she was gaslighted. Selma cries with Elizabeth as she tells her story.

Selma and Elizabeth help each other fight Mark when he tries to kidnap Elizabeth at gunpoint.

Resolution-

Selma and her boss become a surrogate daughter/mother for each other. They have dinner in Selma’s apartment.

Selma accepts that her father was responsible for her mother’s death. Selma burns a box of her father’s possessions.

Selma and Elizabeth become friends. They create a worldwide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

[Joan Butler]

Day 2 Four Act Structure

I learned that Selma’s 1^st intervention needs conflict and Act 3 is too long. I don’t know how to fix them at the moment. It will come to me.

Genre: Drama

Title: The Way Out

Concept: What if a counselor has 6 days to save a woman from a husband who is brainwashing her?

Main Conflict: The counselor is determined that the woman leave her husband; The husband is bent on having her home.

Act 1:

Opening-

Selma throws rose petals into a dumpster. Selma lives alone and trusts no one. Her dying father is in prison.

Inciting Incident-

Selma’s dying father says, “Face your demons.”

Turning Point-

Elizabeth agrees to come for counseling.

Act 2:

New plan-

Selma’s boss explains the plan and says, “Get a good sleep. Tomorrow she’s all yours.”

Plan in action-

Selma begins the 1^st intervention.

Midpoint Turning Point-

Selma’s lie is discovered.

Act 3

Rethink everything-

Selma must win Elizabeth back if she decides to show up.

New Plan-

Selma apologizes profusely and stops pushing Elizabeth.

Turning Point: Huge Failure/ Major Shift-

Elizabeth decides to go home.

Act 4:

Climax/ Ultimate Expression of the Conflict-

Selma does a totally different kind of intervention. Up until now, she has used logic. Instead, she uses emotion.

Selma and Elizabeth must fight Mark when he tries to kidnap Elizabeth at gunpoint.

Resolution-

Selma and her boss become a surrogate daughter/mother for each other. They have dinner in Selma’s apartment.

Selma accepts that her father was responsible for her mother’s death. Selma burns a box of her father’s possessions.

Selma and Elizabeth become friends. They create a worldwide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

[Joan Butler]

I learned that the woman whom the counselor tries to help is an antagonist because she opposes the counselor during their sessions.

Genre: Drama

Title: The Way Out

Concept: What if a counselor has 6 days to save a woman from a husband who brainwashing her?

Main Conflict: The counselor is determined that the woman leave her husband; The husband is bent on having her home.

Transformational Journey:

External Journey-The counselor knows nothing about brainwashing./ She learns how to save the woman.

Internal Journey–The counselor trusts no one and has no one in her life./ Her mentor becomes a surrogate mother and Selma becomes a close friend of the woman.

Internal Journey—Selma believes she is responsible for her mother’s death. / She blames her father for the death.

Opposition:

The husband and the woman’s belief that he is a good man.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler

I’ve written 2 scripts.

I hope to greatly improve my script.

I have a speech by Nelson Mandela on my wall that says we ask ourselves “who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler

I’ve written 2 scripts.

I hope to make a big improvement in my script.

I have a speech by Nelson Mandela on my wall that says we ask ourselves “who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler

I agree to the terms of the release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

+6

[Joan Butler]

My name is Joan Butler. I’ve written 2 scripts.

I want to learn how to attract excellent actors to my script because a counselor and her client interact for much of the screenplay. I take heart from Good Luck to You Leo Grande where 2 people sit in a room and talk and 12 Angry Men where 12 people sit in a room and talk. These films work because the acting is excellent.

I have a speech by Nelson Mandela on my wall that says we ask ourselves “who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

[Joan Butler]

What I learned: This script will never get made. It has 8 variables.

My high-budget script is called Death in the Snow.

1. Tell us about the high-budget item in your script that you are letting go of.

This scene takes place in Tori’s ADOPT-A-CAT CAFÉ. It had 5 cats. It now has 1.

2. What is the dramatic goal am I trying to accomplish with this scene?

SET-UP TORI says, “The town’s split between people who need jobs and people who support the protest. One wrong move and it’s all going to blow.”

PAY-OFF In ACT 3 The loggers who need jobs burn the protester’s camp.

SET-UP A kitten wanders into the room and rubs Tori’s ankle.

PAY-OFF In ACT 2 Luke, the murderer, strangles this kitten.

Ask, “How can I accomplish the dramatic goal without the expense?”

I put pictures of the 4 cats on the wall.

[Joan Butler]

LESSON 6

What I learned as Writer: I didn’t take enough notes. As Producer: I was organized because I knew the questions the writer would ask. I would have to be prepared for a disorganized producer in a real situation.

Title: The Deprogrammer

Logline: To atone for her mother’s death, a novice deprogrammer must deprogram a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse and convince her not to return to her abuser.

Synopsis:

ACT 1 When Selma (40s) African American counselor, faces eviction from her apartment, she looks for work at the Blue Bird Transition House. The manager, Gaia(60s) South Asian, hires Selma to deprogram brainwashed women and convince them not to return to their abusers. She is to work with one woman at a time and must complete the counseling in six days. After Elizabeth(40s) White physician, is scalded by her abusive husband, Mark(40s) White surgeon, she flees to the transition and becomes Selma’s first client.

The deprogramming begins. When Elizabeth becomes frustrated with the counseling, she asks if Selma has seen this process work with other abused women. Selma lies and says, “Yes” even though she has never worked with other abused women. Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that Mark is an abuser, but Elizabeth gets very angry because she is double thinking—She knows he abuses her, but at the same time, believes he is a good man. The conflict between Selma and Elizabeth intensifies when Elizabeth discovers the lie at the midpoint of the script. Selma describes various forms of psychological abuse that Mark uses to control Elizabeth and how to mitigate their effects. At first, Elizabeth is too angry to accept what Selma says, but she gradually realizes that Selma is right. Unbeknownst to Selma, Elizabeth’s brainwashing causes her to phone Mark every night. He uses various forms of manipulation, including gaslighting, to make her come home. Elizabeth struggles to stay away, but when Mark threatens to ruin her career, she decides she must go back. Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that she could die, but Elizabeth won’t listen. Selma believes she has failed. She offers Gaia her resignation. When Gaia can’t understand why the deprogramming didn’t work, Selma admits she lied because she felt cornered. Later, in tears, Selma says, at age six, she saw her father kick her mother to death. Selma also says she is plagued by guilt because she didn’t try to save her mother. In addition, the killing left her with a fear of men and their feet. Gaia offers to support Selma. However, she is very independent. At first, she says, “No” but she finally agrees.

ACT 3 Selma intercepts Elizabeth as she leaves the transition house. Elizabeth breaks down and admits that Mark gave away her newborn because he convinced her that she was delusional. When Mark shows up to take Elizabeth home, she refuses to go with him. He tries to kidnap her at gunpoint. Facing her fear of men and their feet, Selma struggles with Mark. She grabs his foot while Elizabeth gets his gun. They hold Mark until the police arrive and arrest him. Gaia hands Selma a paycheck that covers what she owes her landlady. Five years later, Selma and Elizabeth create a worldwide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse (SODA).

[Joan Butler]

LESSON 4

What I learned: To give Elizabeth more depth, I made her a kleptomaniac.

Genre: Drama

Title: Brainwashed

Concept:

Seeking safety, a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse must make a life-and-death choice between a husband who continues to brainwash her and a deprogrammer at a transition house whom she doesn’t trust.

4. Audience

Men and women over 25

5. Budget

1M to 5M

6. Lead Characters

Elizabeth ( late 30s), a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse who is a physician and a kleptomaniac.

Selma ( late 30s), a novice deprogrammer at a transition house who lies.

7. Journey / Character Arc

When Elizabeth arrives at a transition house after her husband scalds her, she fears him. As her fear decreases, she doublethinks. She knows he abuses her. At the same time, she believes he is a good man. Selma gradually chips away at this belief. She shows Elizabeth exactly what he has done to her until she is finally able to accept that Mark is an abuser.

Selma believes she caused her mother’s death. By understanding that her mother would blame her father, Selma is finally able to accept that she is not responsible.

8. Opening / Ending

Opening:

Elizabeth has just been raped by her husband. She stands in the dark looking through a mullioned window. She hits the window hard.

Ending:

Elizabeth and Selma have created a worldwide self-help organization called SODA, Survivors of Domestic Abuse and Elizabeth is the mother of a newborn. (She gave up her newborn earlier because her husband convinced her she was delusional.)

More Marketable:

I could cut the budget to below 1M.

[Joan Butler]

LESSON 3

What I learned: Drama is definitely my specialty and I am particularly interested in writing female-driven drama.

GENRE: Drama

TITLE: Till

PURPOSE: It explored the emotional story of Mamie Till and the other African Americans involved in the trial of two White men accused of killing 14-year-old Emmitt Till.

CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY

It follows the journey of Mamie Till from apolitical citizen of Chicago to speaker on African American civil rights.

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN

The entire movie is about Mamie’s love for Emmett. It is also about the life-and-death fears of the African Americans in Mississippi and what that fear does to them.

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES

The audience is moved by Mamie’s love for Emmett, the fear of the other African Americans, and the courage of Moses who points to the killers in court.

CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY CHARGED SITUATIONS

Mamie is afraid to let Emmett go to Mississippi.

Emmett is kidnapped at gunpoint while Moses watches in terror.

Emmett’s body is shipped back to Chicago where Mamie examines his tortured, shot-in-the-head body.

A very emotional open-casket funeral follows.

The trial scenes of Mamie identifying her son and Moses’ courage in pointing to the killers are highly emotional.

Mamie’s gives a rousing civil rights speech at the end.

REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS.

This is a true story.

GENRE: Drama

TITLE: The Last Full Measure

PURPOSE

The Last Full Measure centers on the story of Vietnam War hero William Pitsenbarger, a US Air Force Pararescueman who flew helicopter rescue missions during the Vietnam War to aid downed soldiers and pilots.

CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY

It follows the efforts of fictional Pentagon staffer Scott Huffman, his parents, and three veterans to see the Metal of Honor awarded to William Pitsenbarger.

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN

When Scott Huffman meets three Vietnam vets, he comes to care about them and continues his mission to have Pits receive the award in spite of his fear that he could ruin his career.

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES

This story is about the love of Pits’ parents and the fear, shame, PTSD, courage, and sorrow of the vets. I was brought to tears by some of the scenes.

CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY CHARGED SITUATIONS

A loving father remembers his son.

Soldiers try to save their buddies in the midst of war.

Vets live with shame, fear, and PTSD.

REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS.

This story is inspired by those who gained the medal for William Pitsenbarger.

LESSON 3.5

GENRE: Drama

TITLE: Women Talking

PURPOSE and CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY

After being raped, women in a religious colony discuss if they should leave or stay and fight.

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN

The women face each other’s fear and anger as they discuss the possibilities. This leads to conflict.

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES

I was swept up in the emotions of the women. Each woman’s opinion is based on her experience and faith.

CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY CHARGED SITUATIONS

The rapes have gone on for years. The men in the colony discounted the rapes. They said the attacks were done by ghosts or Satan or the women only wanted attention.

The women who have never been allowed to make decisions must decide what to do for themselves and their children. The women have never been out of their colony.

REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS.

It is based on a true story.

Level 2 SOMETHING NEW TO ME: HOW THE WRITER CREATED DRAMATIC MOMENTS

Best dramatic moments

— A very simple scene. A sister sits outside a wooden enclosure that hides her brother and speaks her truth about sister-brother incest.

— Mejal’s attack sets the audience up for something important. She says, “They made us disbelieve in ourselves.”

— Silence is used to underscore importance. – “Forgiveness can be confused with permission” is followed by silence.

— during ACT 1 and most of ACT 2, August is the outsider. When he is finally asked to join the women, it feels significant. This scene also sets him apart from the other men.

— One of the women arrives at the group battered by her husband. This shows the audience what could happen if the men catch the women leaving.

Best dramatic moments: The women and their children leave.

The emotions of the group are delivered through questions, conflict, and apologies. The emotions away from the group are delivered through quiet soliloquy or gentle conversation.

Level 3

The minimal interior set and the very few external shots allowed the producer to hire the best talent available.

[Joan Butler]

What I learned: I found it very difficult to create stand-alone profound lines. I could only think of 2 and these are definitely not unique.

Assignment 1 Stand-Alone Profound Lines

1. Selma has just told Gaia, Selma’s boss, about the lie and about watching her mother get killed.

Gaia says, “I’m here to support you if you need me.

Selma shakes her head. Gaia turns and brushes a tear from her face. Selma watches her walk away.

Selma says, “I don’t need you… But I want you.”

2. Selma and Elizabeth have become friends. Selma has just told Elizabeth she could die if she goes home.

Elizabeth says, “I don’t care.”

Selma replies, “But I do!”

Assignment 2 Repetition

What I learned: I enjoyed creating the arc (possibly because it was easier).

1.

This is not a line, just the words “ice cream”.

Elizabeth and Bella are two women living in the transition house. When they first meet Bella asks Elizabeth if she wants some Ice cream.

When Elizabeth wants to go back to her abuser, ice cream becomes a friendly threat. “I’m going to make you eat ice cream and play gin rummy until you can think straight.

When Bella leaves the transition house to start a new life, she says, “I’ll keep my freezer stocked with ice cream.” Meaning I care about you and my door is always open.

2.

At the beginning of counseling— Selma says, “I’m taking you through a step-by-step process.” Elizabeth replies, “This process, have you seen it work for other women like me?” Then Selma lies to Elizabeth.

At the midpoint Elizabeth discovers the lie. She says, “You said you’d seen your process work with other abused women… But you haven’t, have you?” She is furious.

In their last session together, they have become friends. Elizabeth says, “This sounds like another one of your step-by-step processes.”

She smiles. “Have you seen it work with other women like me?” Selma replies, “No, but I’ve read about it.”

Elizabeth counters with, “Then, of course, it must work.”

Selma grins.

3.

This is only the word “cheesecake” After Mark scalds Elizabeth, he says he will buy her a cheesecake to make her feel better.

In the last session, Selma explains how Mark has brainwashed her using cheesecake.

At the end, when Mark is arrested Elizabeth says to him with disgust, “I never want to see another cheesecake.”

[Joan Butler]

Bob–That’s an excellent idea! Thanks.

[Joan Butler]

I am looking for Joy Geldard-Smith. I don’t know how to contact her on Stage 32. Thanks.

[Joan Butler]

Joan’s Synopsis for Producer Interview

Title: The Deprogrammer

Genre: Drama

Logline: To atone for her mother’s death, a guilt-ridden counselor in a transition house must learn to deprogram a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse and convince her not to return to her abuser..

Synopsis:

When SELMA (40s) a traumatized African American counselor, faces eviction from her apartment, she looks for work at a transition house where she is interviewed by GAIA (60s) the South Asian manager. She explains that she needs a counselor to deprogram brainwashed women and convince them not to return to their abusers. The counselor will work with one woman at a time and must complete the counseling in six days. Although Selma does not know how to deprogram and has never worked with abused women, she takes the job. Later, she explains to Gaia that the foster parents and the social workers lied to her when she was in foster care. They told Selma she would be safe, but she was never safe. Because of their lies, Selma has vowed never to lie. After ELIZABETH (40s) White brainwashed physician, is scalded by her abusive husband, MARK (40s) White surgeon, she flees to the transition house and becomes Selma’s first client. JASMINE (17) Asian school-dropout, arrives with a new-born baby and a broken arm.

The deprogramming begins. Gaia teaches Selma deprogramming techniques that are often used to free brainwashed followers from their cult leaders. When Elizabeth becomes frustrated, she asks if Selma has seen this process work with other abused women. Afraid that Elizabeth will leave counseling and be killed, Selma breaks her vow and says yes. Selma tries to counsel Elizabeth, but she pushes back because she believes Mark is a good man who he is under her control. The conflict intensifies when Elizabeth discovers the lie. Each day, Selma shows Elizabeth the techniques Mark uses to control her, but Elizabeth is too angry and suspicious to accept what Selma says. Pressure builds as Elizabeth clings to the belief that she controls Mark. Jasmine refuses Selma’s suggestions and becomes jealous of Elizabeth who is caring for the baby. Without Selma’s knowledge, Elizabeth phones Mark every night due to the brainwashing. He uses various forms of psychological abuse plus gaslighting, a kind of brainwashing, to make her come home. Elizabeth tries to stay away, but when he threatens to ruin her career, she decides she must return. Selma attempts to convince Elizabeth that she could die but Elizabeth won’t listen. Jasmine decides she needs her abuser because she has no one else. When she goes home, he kills her. Selma believes she has failed both women. She offers Gaia her resignation and admits she lied to Elizabeth. Gaia praises Selma for sacrificing the vow that means so much to her in order to save Elizabeth. Selma tells Gaia that, at age eleven, she saw her father kill her mother. This has left her with flashbacks, nightmares, and a fear of men. When Gaia offers her support, Selma decides to trust her.

Selma decides to try one last intervention with Elizabeth. Selma
intercepts her as she leaves the transition house. Elizabeth breaks down and
admits to Selma, and herself, that Mark controls every aspect of her life and
she gave away her new-born baby because he convinced her that she was
delusional. Mark shows up at the transition house with a gun and tries to
kidnap Elizabeth. Facing her fear of men, Selma struggles with Mark. Gaia joins
her and they hold Mark off until the police arrive and arrest him. Five years
later, Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Writing Sample

What I learned: It was difficult to find 10 pages and when I did find them, it showed me how poorly I have written the other part of the script.

Title: The Deprogrammer

Genre: Drama

Set-up:

These pages are from the second half of ACT 2.

They open with a counseling session at a transition house. Selma is a counselor tasked with convincing abused women not to go back to their abusers. Selma’s boss is Gaia and she works for an administrator named Petra.

Elizabeth and Jasmine are victims of domestic abuse who are staying at the house. Mark and Clarence are abusers who are trying to convince these women to return home.

SELMA

Are you saying Mark doesn’t manipulate you?

ELIZABETH

He doesn’t have to. I’m happy to give him whatever he wants.

SELMA

For the sake of argument, let’s say he does manipulate you.

Elizabeth rolls her eyes. Selma balls her fists to cool her temper.

SELMA (CONT’D)

Just hear me out. Any time he uses psychological violence, he taps into your emotions, but each time you identify one of his tactics and say, “Red Flag”, you balance those emotions with logic.

ELIZABETH

Do you really expect me to walk around saying, “Red flag. Red flag.”

SELMA

Yes, if you want to take away some of his power.

ELIZABETH

You act as if I’m against him. Can’t you get it through your head that I’m trying to help him? Besides, I hold the power.

Selma does a short version of inhale, hold, exhale through pursed lips.

SELMA

If you’re trying to help him while he’s using psychological violence, who’s looking after you? Who’s keeping you safe?

ELIZABETH

I am!

INT. PETRA’S OFFICE – DAY

Gaia and Petra sit facing each other.

PETRA

Paying Selma to work on-site is a waste. These houses are important, and it’s my responsibility to spend our funding wisely, so we have enough money to build more.

GAIA

How wise is it to build new houses for women who go home then come back again and again?

Petra strides around the room.

GAIA (CONT’D)

If we can keep them from going home, you won’t have to build more houses.

PETRA

Why can’t you understand that women go back and forth to our houses because it’s part of the process!

Gaia stands.

GAIA

While women are going back and forth they endure more pain and more misery. And they can get killed. Counseling on-site can save lives!

PETRA

So you say… Just a reminder, if Elizabeth returns to her abuser, both you and Selma are out of a job.

INT. MARK’S PORSCHE – DAY

Mark watches Selma as she comes through the gate.

INT. SELMA’S OLD VERSA SEDAN – DAY

Selma, her eyes at half-mast, drives.

INT. MARK’S PORSCHE – DAY

Mark follows Selma’s sedan.

INT. SELMA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – LOBBY – DAY

Old building. Mailboxes on one wall. Tacky paintings on the other.

Selma enters. Mark slips in behind her before the door closes. He waits. Selma checks her mailbox. It’s empty.

Selma walks to her door and opens it.

INT. SELMA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – STUDIO – DAY

Selma enters and kicks off her shoes.

She hears a knock. When she checks the peep hole, she sees Mark. She opens the door with the chain in place.

SELMA

Yes?

Mark’s tone is menacing.

MARK

You work at 903 Columbia Street. What do you?

Selma’s eyes look anywhere but him.

SELMA

I work for a non-profit. I’d like you to leave now.

Mark places the palm of his large hand on the door.

MARK

What do you do? Be specific.

SELMA

I’m a counselor.

MARK

Who do you counsel?

SELMA

That’s none of your business.

MARK

I’m making it my business.

SELMA

Women.

MARK

Counseling women at a non-profit where the gate has an intercom? You must work at a transition house.

SELMA

(quaking)

So?

MARK

You tell Elizabeth Johnston, I- want-her-home.

He turns to leave.

MARK (CONT’D)

Too bad those chains snap so easily.

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY

Selma sits at a desk as Gaia walks the room.

GAIA

This is terrible.

SELMA

I’m fine. He didn’t really do anything. He just talked.

GAIA

I’ll e-mail Petra and tell her there’s a pattern developing with this guy.

SELMA

I shouldn’t have told you. You’re blowing it out of proportion.

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth writes on a sheet of paper then scrunches it.

She peeks into the bassinet and talks to the baby as she dials her phone and puts Mark on speaker.

ELIZABETH

Red flags. That Selma doesn’t know what she’s talking about, does she?

MARK (V.O.)

I’ve been having those nightmares about Dad. Even when I wake up I see him beating Mom. I think it’s because of Markie… I need you. Don’t you love me?

ELIZABETH

Of course, I love you.

MARK (V.O.)

You’re just saying that. If you meant it, you’d come home.

Conflicted, Elizabeth opens her mouth and closes it. Then realization crosses her face. She picks up the crumpled paper and smooths it.

The paper is titled “RED FLAGS”. These tactics are listed down the left side of the paper: “PUT DOWNS, SULKS, FEAR, CONFUSION, GUILT, THREATS, CHARM”.

Elizabeth puts a check mark beside “GUILT”. Another beside “SULKING”.

MARK (V.O.)

Are you still there?

ELIZABETH

Yes.

Mark is his most charming self.

MARK (V.O.)

Don’t you remember how it used to be with us? How we laughed when the bed broke in that little hotel in Italy and how embarrassed you were when the owner asked how it happened?

ELIZABETH

I remember.

A check mark beside “CHARM”.

MARK (V.O.)

Your life works best when there’s just the two of us. You can’t trust those people where you’re staying. They’re messing with your mind.

She writes, “ISOLATION” in the list and adds a check mark.

A check mark beside “CONFUSION”.

MARK (V.O.)

If you ever leave me for another man, believe me, I’ll make both of you sorry. Of course, no man would have you. I know the real you and you’re damaged goods.

Check marks beside “FEAR”, “THREATS”, “PUT DOWNS”.

She writes, “SELMA” and adds a check mark with a flourish.

ELIZABETH

Good ni —

MARK (V.O.)

Oh no you don’t. I’ve asked you nicely to come home but no more. You think I don’t know?

ELIZABETH

What do you mean?

INT. MARK’S HOUSE – GYM – NIGHT

A fully equipped gym.

Mark’s phone is on speaker. He punctuates his words with slugs to his punching bag.

MARK

You’re at a transition house.

ELIZABETH (V.O.)

I —

MARK

Your practice is finished. You hear me? I refuse to keep your dirty little secret any longer.

ELIZABETH (V.O.)

Mark —

MARK

I’ll be there at 4:00 tomorrow. You be ready or I’ll tell Martha you’re delusional.

ELIZABETH (V.O.)

Please.

Mark ends the call and gives the bag a pounding.

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth speed dials Mark.

MARK (V.O.)

You’ve reached Dr. Mark Johnston, orthopedic surgeon. Please leave a message.

She dials again.

MARK (V.O.)

You’ve reached…

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – LATER

Elizabeth is in a panic. Bella watches her stuff toiletries and clothes into her overnight case.

ELIZABETH

If he tells her, she’ll cancel all of my appointments. My practice is built on my reputation. If that’s gone —

Bella bumps Elizabeth with her chair.

BELLA

Out of the way or I’ll scrunch your toes.

Elizabeth steps back and Bella dumps her case.

ELIZABETH

I have to go!

BELLA

He’s not expecting you tonight.

ELIZABETH

I have to convince him.

BELLA

We’re going to make you eat ice cream and play Gin Rummy until you can think straight.

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – LATER

Elizabeth is in bed. Bella fusses with her covers.

BELLA

You concentrate on how good it feels to be safe.

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine lies next to the baby, humming. Clarence is on speaker.

CLARENCE (V.O.)

Forget your dad. I’m fam. Come home and I’ll look after you and our baby.

JASMINE

You and your big plans.

CLARENCE (V.O.)

Come on Jasmine, YOLO. We need big plans.

Jasmine smiles a little.

CLARENCE (V.O.)

Hey, this is me stepping up. Isn’t that what you want?

Jasmine nods.

CLARENCE (V.O.)

Do you really want to raise her up by yourself? You’ll be all alone.

JASMINE

You won’t hurt her?

CLARENCE (V.O.)

Of course not. I love her.

JASMINE

No cap?

CLARENCE (V.O.)

You’re always saying you’re going to be the GOAT mom. Give me a chance to be the GOAT dad.

Jasmine studies her baby.

CLARENCE (V.O.)

I’m begging you. Don’t you think she deserves a father? You wouldn’t take that away from her, would you? I love you, Jasmine.

JASMINE

I love you too.

Jasmine ends the call and stares at the ceiling.

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – LATER

Jasmine stuffs her flowers into the diaper bag as she speaks to Selma.

SELMA

What if he’s only manipulating you?

JASMINE

You said I could make my own choices. Well, that’s what I’m doing. The message on the wall says, “YOU ARE STRONGER, BRAVER, AND MORE POWERFUL THAN YOU THINK”.

SELMA

Didn’t your boyfriend break your arm? Think how easily he could kill the baby. If he doesn’t hurt her physically, seeing or hearing abuse can mess her up for the rest of her life. I know. I grew up with violence.

Jasmine sits on the bed and speaks quietly.

JASMINE

I need him. I don’t have anyone else… Will you give me the uber fare? He’s got all my money.

Uncertain, Selma bites her lip.

JASMINE (CONT’D)

If you don’t, I’ll give him this address.

SELMA

Okay.

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ENTRANCE WAY – DAY

Jasmine’s purse and the diaper bag hang from her shoulder. Elizabeth has the baby in the car seat.

Selma hands Jasmine a card.

SELMA

Keep this with you so you have our number and address when you decide to come back.

Jasmine puts the card in her pocket. When she reaches for the car seat, Elizabeth steps back.

JASMINE

She’s mine. You go have your own baby!

Elizabeth staggers as if she has been punched in the gut.

Selma takes the car seat from Elizabeth and hands it to Jasmine. Selma opens the door. Jasmine leaves. Selma and Elizabeth look devastated.

ELIZABETH

Do you think she’ll be all right?

[Joan Butler]

Hi Joan,

I love this ! It is a deep drama combination of depressing situations and suspense building of one moment at a time- where is it all going to go? I found myself asking. It is an important subject and I applaud you for taking it on.

What will the women do? You were very good at leading us to the next page. I kept wanting to know will there be aha moments and yes there were. I love the red flag consciousness. You built the struggles of the therapist to get them to see and then you left us not knowing what the abuser would do. Very good.

If I was to add or suggest anything I might do some nonverbal expression with the women -show it instead of telling it at times when in therapy. You did it with the clenched fist as an example.

Good suspense and action with Mark at the door. Scary.

There is a lot of dilemma with the characters loving the abuser. And then the vulnerable baby. That grabbed my heart.

You ended with cliffhangers a few times and especially at the end. Nice job. Thanks for letting me read it. Eclipse

[Joan Butler]

Irony

What I learned: I didn’t see the irony until I looked for it. The audience will probably enjoy these example of irony sprinkled in the screenplay.

1. Selma must give up her want to be self-sufficient to gain her need to be supported by a mother-figure.

2. Elizabeth realizes Mark convinced her that she was delusional. This made her fearful of hurting her newborn. Now that she knows that she is not delusional, she realizes she gave up her baby for no reason. This is so terrible that she wants to be delusional for real.

3. Selma vows not to lie because she wants to keep her clients safe. However, telling a lie is the only way to keep Elizabeth safe.

4. Selma’s need is to save Elizabeth. But Selma can only get that by giving up her want to stay away from men and their feet. Selma fights Mark by holding on to his foot in order to save Elizabeth.

5. Because Jasmine is jealous of Elizabeth, Jasmine tells Elizabeth to go have her own baby. Jasmine has no reason to be jealous of Elizabeth because she did have her own baby but was tricked into giving her up.

6. Mark believes the #MeToo movement destroys good men like him when, in fact, he is a bad man who has been raping his wife.

[Joan Butler]

DELIVER CHALLENGE/NEW WAYTHROUGH CONFLICT

What I learned: I like my profound message coming during an argument between two secondary characters. Conflict keeps it from being too “on the nose.”

Profound message spoken by secondary characters in conflict:

Petra (Gaia’s boss): Why can’t you understand that women go back and forth to our houses because it’s part of the process!

Gaia (Selma’s mentor and boss): While women are going back and forth, they endure more pain and more misery. And they can get killed. Counseling on-site can save lives!

1. Selma stops blaming herself for her mother’s death. Selma honors her mother by holding her father responsible for her death.

Conflict: Selma and Gaia argue about Selma’s need to blame herself.

2. Selma asks for help. She needs Elizabeth’s friend to keep Elizabeth at the transition house.

Conflict:

Elizabeth’s friend: You lied to Elizabeth and now you want me to help you?

Selma: Yes. Do you want her to go back to her abuser?

Elizabeth’s friend: Of course not.

3. Selma is willing to open up and talk about herself.

Conflict:

Elizabeth: That was rough.

Selma: I don’t usually talk about myself, but since I know so much about you…

Elizabeth: You grill me and now you want a heart-to-heart? I’m not interested.

4. Elizabeth understands Mark is not a good man.

Conflict:

Selma: It’s called gaslighting.

Elizabeth: Get away from me You don’t know anything!

Selma: I know you’re not crazy.

Elizabeth: You’re wrong. I am crazy. I have to be.

Selma: Why?

Elizabeth: Because.

Tears flood Elizabeth’s face.

Elizabeth: Don’t you see?

Selma looks confused.

Elizabeth: He said I was delusional… l was afraid I’d hurt her…

Her eyes. Her hair. She was so beautiful. And her feet were so tiny…

Please say I’m crazy.

5. Elizabeth understands Mark is in control.

Conflict:

Selma: He controls everything.

Elizabeth: Stop hammering at me.

Selma: Well, doesn’t he?

Elizabeth: Yes!

[Joan Butler]

Assignment 1

What I learned: I learned that I don’t have much credibility which was disheartening.

In the next 30 days I can

-ask for coverage from Austin to see if I can get a Recommend.

-enter the Austin script competition

Later I can get involved with Stage 32 to create networking opportunities.

Present Credibility

Screenwriting accomplishments

“Considered as a semi-finalist” at Austin

Assignment 2

I don’t know what goes into a linked in profile because I am not part of linked in It looks as if this is something else I can do in the next 30 days.

[Joan Butler]

What I learned: Paid writing assignments are not beyond me. They are a probability, not a possibility.

I will bring my two scripts.

Death in the Snow $5-15million

The Deprogrammer $1-5 million

[Joan Butler]

My name is Joan Butler.

I have written 2 scripts.

I have this by my computer: Getting discouraged is not an option. I choose hope and I choose to write.

I hope to gain the skills and the courage to go after paid writing assignments.

[Joan Butler]

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Joan Butler]

Assignment 1

What I learned: If I can touch someone’s heart with my script, I will have done my job as a screenwriter.

All of these moments were profound because they touched my heart.

-Mr. and Mrs. Pollard say good-bye to Red.

-Mr. Howard cries.

-The first time in a long time you were not alone.

-Men who were broken felt restored.

-Everyone thinks we took a broken-down horse and fixed him. The horse fixed us, every one of us.

All of these sentences were profound because they were worth remembering.

-You don’t throw a whole life away just because he’s banged up a little.

-Sometimes, all someone needs is a second chance.

-It’s better to break a man’s leg than his heart.

Assignment 2

What I learned: The actions are more subtle and more powerful than words.

New Ways followed by Action

1. Selma stops blaming herself for her mother’s death. Selma honors her mother by holding her father responsible for her death.

Action: When Selma felt guilty, she lit a back candle for her mother. Now she lights a white candle.

2. Selma asks for help. She needs Elizabeth’s friend to keep Elizabeth at the transition house.

Action: Selma slips Elizabeth’s friend a recipe card. In the next scene, Elizabeth and her friend make 12-hour bread.

3. Selma opens up and talks about her life.

Action: I don’t know. The whole point is that she talks.

4. Elizabeth understands Mark is in control.

Action: Elizabeth paints colors to represent Threats, Fear, Anger, Power, Control, Guilt, as Selma calls out the words faster and faster. Elizabeth screams. She hurls the paint, shreds the paper, and throws the pieces into the air.

5. Elizabeth understands Mark is not a good man. He told her she was delusional and persuaded her to give up her baby.

Flashback—Elizabeth, in tears, gives her newborn to a nurse as Mark stands by.

[Joan Butler]

What I learned: I found this assignment very challenging. I had trouble with the metaphors in particular. I am beginning to understand how the audience needs these bread crumbs to guide them to the New Way.

Before this course, I had everything go wrong for Selma at the end of ACT 2. Then I sprung her New Way on the audience and started ACT 3.

SHOULD WORK BUT DOESN’T

1. Old Way

Selma never asks for help.

Challenge

At the close of Act 1 Selma asks Elizabeth for 3 wishes that Selma will explore during counseling. On day 4 of counseling, Selma completes the wishes. Selma expects this will improve their adversarial relationship. However, Elizabeth decides counseling is finished.

2. Old Way

Selma is a private person who never talks about her private life unless she is under duress.

Challenge

Selma has a grueling session where she tries to convince Elizabeth that Mark is an abuser. At the end, Elizabeth challenges Selma.

Elizabeth: And what about you? Have you ever risked everything for the person you love?

Selma: This isn’t about me!

The session is lost when Elizabeth walks away leaving both women angry.

3. Old Way

Elizabeth believes Mark is a good man.

Challenge

Selma thinks if she places one argument after another in front of Elizabeth, she will understand that Mark is an abuser. Just when Elizabeth appears to be ‘getting it’, she becomes angry and leaves.

4. Old Way

Elizabeth believes she controls Mark.

Challenge

In the previous session, Selma convinced Elizabeth that Mark’s put downs have become true for her. Selma now thinks that she can convince Elizabeth that Mark uses specific tactics to control her. Elizabeth does not believe her.

LIVING METAPHORS

1. Old Way

Selma never talks about her private life unless she is under duress.

Challenge Metaphor

sunglasses

Elizabeth: And what about you? Have you ever risked everything for the person you love?

Selma puts on sunglasses and hides behind them.

Selma: This isn’t about me!

2. Old Way

Selma never talks about her private life unless she is under duress.

Challenge Metaphor

Closed calathea plants

Gaia: Your anger tells me you’re either hurt or frightened… If things aren’t working with Elizabeth, what change do you need to make?

Later, Selma speaks to the calathea:

You’ve all been closed too long. It’s time you opened up.

3. Old Way

Elizabeth believes she controls Mark.

Challenge metaphor

the sun

Selma: Then who’s in control?

Elizabeth is blinded by the sun.

Elizabeth: I am.

3. Old Way

Elizabeth believes Mark is a good man.

Challenge metaphor

Elizabeth chooses her phone to represent Mark. She chooses a shell to represent her.

Selma asks Elizabeth about the relationship between the phone and the shell.

5. Old Way

Selma never asks for help.

Challenge metaphor

Five heavy dictionaries.

When Selma tries to pick them up, some fall.

Elizabeth: Are you so weighed down with words, you can’t ask for help?

[Joan Butler]

What I learned:

Old way: I’ve always thought people would find my script boring. New way: Since I watched 12 Angry Men and did this assignment, I think some people might find it interesting.

QUESTION CHALLENGES

1. Old way

Elizabeth says Mark always protects her when she leaves the house, he sold her car because two cars are bad for the environment, and Mark’s friends are her friends.

Question

Selma: Mark doesn’t let you leave the house alone, he’s taken away your car, and you no longer have your own friends. Can you see how he’s isolated you?

2. Old way

Elizabeth says Mark always gives her the money she needs it he’s in a good mood.

Question

Why should you have to wait until he’s in a good mood? You’re an adult with a good income!

3. Old way

Selma: Do you give Mark whatever he wants, whenever he wants it?

Elizabeth: As much as I can. I want him to be happy.

Question

Selma: Did you know that abusive men think their wants and needs should always come before the needs of their wives and children, even when their children are babies?

4. Old way

Selma: Those are all qualities you admire, but when Mark’s with you, he has none of them.

Elizabeth: It’s just his way.

Question

Selma: So, when he’s with you, do you admire him?

New way

Elizabeth: Not really.

Double Question

Selma: How do you feel?

New way

Elizabeth: I guess I feel… sorry for him.

COUNTEREXPAMPLES

1. Old way

Elizabeth believes Mark does not use psychological violence against her.

Counterexample

Selma asks Elizabeth to listen for these “red flags” because they are some of the ways he controls her: put downs, sulking, fear, confusion, guilt, threats, and charm.

2. Old way

Elizabeth believes she loves Mark.

Counterexample

Selma: “Trauma bonds can feel like love, but they’re not. It’s the addiction.”

3. Old way

Selma believes she is not strong and powerful.

Counterexample

Gaia says “You damn well are” and reminds Selma broke her vow of always telling the truth in order to save Elizabeth.

4. Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that she has some of the qualities of Florence Nightingale. One of them is courage.

Counterexample

Elizabeth: I’m not brave. I’m always frightened.

Double Counterexample

Selma: Even so, you ran from Mark.

Triple Counterexample

Elizabeth: Only for a few days.

5. Another quality is wisdom.

Selma: You had an overnight case and our phone number ready so you were prepared to run.

Counterexample

Elizabeth: I should have created a safety plan with the police. I kept putting it off. Pretty stupid.

[Joan Butler]

What I learned: In every deprogramming session, Selma challenges Elizabeth’s old ways of thinking. In fact, that is what deprogramming is about. It is so obvious, but I didn’t see it until I did this assignment.

I did not include all the old ways and challenges because the list would be too long..

Selma:

Old way

Selma believes it was her fault her mother died.

Challenge

Gaia, Selma’s Change Agent, asks if Selma can honor her mother by accepting that it was her father’s fault that she died.

Old way

Selma is afraid to interview at the transition house because of her mother being killed and because she fears not getting the job.

Challenge

Gaia convinces her to take the job.

Old way

Selma gets angry with Elizabeth.

Challenge

Gaia: “Is there something you need to change?”

Old way

Selma: “I made a pact with myself never to lie to my clients.”

Challenge

Elizabeth is ready to leave counseling. Selma tells a lie to save her from more abuse or death.

Old way

Selma believes she is self-sufficient.

Challenge

Gaia says she will support Selma if she wants Gaia.

Old way

Selma believes she is not strong and powerful.

Challenge

Gaia says she is, given that she broke her vow of always telling the truth in order to save Elizabeth.

Elizabeth:

Old way

Elizabeth defends herself for falling in love with Mark

Challenge

Selma, Elizabeth’s Change Agent, says she does not have to defend herself.

Old way

Elizabeth thinks there is something wrong with her.

Challenge

Selma: “It’s nothing you did or said. You don’t have a particular flaw in your character. You simply fell in love with the wrong man.”

Old way

Elizabeth: “Mark’s a good man.”

Challenge

Selma: “Those are all qualities you admire, but when Mark’s with you, he has none of them.” Also, “Can you see how he’s isolated you?”

Old way

Elizabeth: “I’m in control.” “He doesn’t control anything.” “I’m not a victim.”

Challenge

Selma helps Elizabeth understand that she is wrong.

Old way

Elizabeth: “Of course, I love him.”

Challenge

Selma: “Trauma bonds can feel like love, but they’re not. It’s the addiction.”

Old way

Elizabeth calls Mark in secret.

Challenge

Selma asks if Elizabeth feels the need to call Mark.

Old way

Elizabeth thinks she is delusional.

Challenge

Selma: “I know you aren’t crazy.”

Petra

Old way

Petra believes that abused women do not need an on-site counselor.

Challenge

Gaia, Petra’s Change Agent, argues that an on-site counselor will save abused women from suffering and even death. A counselor will also open more beds in the transition houses.

Jasmine:

Old Ways:

“I’m never going back. The baby changes everything.”

Challenge

Clarence, her Change Agent and her abuser, convinces her to return to him.

[Joan Butler]

What I learned: An entire movie can be written with only old ways and challenges.

Old Way

This is an open and shut case.

Challenge

One juror has doubts.

Old Way

The boy was slapped. This is a motive.

Challenge

The boy has been slapped all his life. Why should the boy murder his father now?

Old Way

The slums create criminals. You know what these people are like.

Challenge

A juror grew up in the slums and he is not a criminal.

Old Way

The boy has a record.

Challenge

It does not mean he killed his father.

Old Way

Lawyers do not ask questions because they know the answers will hurt their case.

Challenge

Lawyers can be stupid. Maybe he did not care because he did not want the case.

Old Way

The murder weapon was very unusual.

Challenge

The same kind of knife was bought near the crime.

Old Way

A witness heard an argument and the body hitting the floor.

Challenge

The witness could not have heard because the el train was too loud.

Old Way

The old man saw the boy run down the stairs.

Challenge

The old man could not have seen it because he walked to the door too slowly.

Old Way

Kid says, “I’m going to kill you.”

Challenge

People often say that but do not mean it. A juror says it and does not mean it.

Old Way

The boy could not remember the name of the movie so he did not go to the movie.

Challenge

He was under great emotional stress. A juror could not remember the name of the movie he saw.

Old way

The angle of the stabbing was down and in.

Challenge

To use that kind of a knife, you stab upward.

Old way

The woman saw the boy kill his father.

Challenge

She could not have seen it clearly because she was not wearing her glasses.

Old Way

All kids are bad.

Challenge

The juror was caught up in his anger and disappointment toward his son.

[Joan Butler]

I learned to add the New Way into the ending of my script.

1. Profound Truth:

Transition houses need on-site deprogrammers.

Delivered at the close of the movie.

OVER BLACK:

On average, an abused woman leaves her abuser 7 times before she is able to leave permanently.

SECOND OVER BLACK:

Most transition houses do not have an on-site counselor trained to deprogram abused women.

THIRD OVER BLACK:

The revolving door continues.

2. Selma Old Way—She had a fear of men and their feet and never asked for help. New Way–She barrels into Mark. When he falls, she grabs his foot and will not let go. When he finally shakes her off, she curls into a ball and waits to be stomped. She yells, “Elizabeth. Help me!”

Elizabeth Old Way—She wanted to go home and always said Mark was a good man. New Way–She fights to get away from him. Later, she says, “You’re not a good man. You’re despicable. You tried to destroy me But – I’m – still – here.”

Gaia Old Way—She was lonely without her dead daughter. New way–In Selma’s apartment, Gaia empties grocery bags and puts food on the shelves while Selma lays the table. This indicates that Gaia has visited Selma many times and has bought food for her. She has “adopted” Selma.

3.

The answers to 2 are all set ups and pay offs.

In addition: Elizabeth gave away her baby. /Five years later she has a new baby. Selma and Elizabeth were counselor and client. /They are friends who have created a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

4. We see Mark get in his car with a gun. It is inevitable that he will try to force Elizabeth to come home. /It is surprising that Selma stops him by holding on to his foot and Elizabeth holds the gun over him.

5. See 1 for the parting image. This follows the image of the transition house with the VO of cheering from the survivors of domestic abuse.

[Joan Butler]

I created the following unintentionally, but I could have done it intentionally. I will use this information in my other screenplay.

1. Characters: Selma, the counselor and Elizabeth, the brainwashed woman

2. Selma:

a. Relatability—

She feels guilty and says sorry to her mother.

She has a job interview.

She starts a new job and uses a cheat sheet.

She is very nervous before the interview, when she speaks to her boss, and before the 1^st session of deprogramming.

She is excited when the 1^st session goes well.

She gets angry.

b. Intrigue—

Who is Young Selma and why is she pulling a woman away from the transition house?

Why is Selma feeling guilty?

Why is she taking pills?

Why is Selma reluctant to work at the transition house?

What is deprogramming?

Is she capable of learning it?

She promises not to lie to Elizabeth. Will she keep her promise?

c. Empathy—

Selma is sick and poor.

She receives an eviction notice from a landlady who is fed up with her.

She gets flustered during the intake.

d. Likeability—

She takes care of Elizabeth.

Her boss likes her.

3. Elizabeth:

a. Relatability—

She fell in love with the wrong person.

She is confused about her relationship with Mark.

She has never been to a transition house.

Her first wish is to be happy.

b. Intrigue—

Will she get caught while she is getting ready to flee?

Will she leave him? What will happen to her during deprogramming?

c. Empathy—

She is hurt, scared, and abused by Mark.

She has lost herself.

d. Likeability—

She takes care of Mark and tries to make him happy.

She is concerned that women must cope on their own when they leave the transition house.

She wants to give her room to someone who needs it more than she does.

She loves caring for her patients and she has a kids-with-their-grandparents selfie wall.

She cares for the flowers.

Selma likes her.

[Joan Butler]

Cancel.

[Joan Butler]

What I learned: My script does not lend itself to the pages of the MM.

However, it improved greatly by using the text of the MM.

1. Logline: To atone for her mother’s death, a guilt-ridden counselor at a transition house must learn to deprogram a victim of domestic abuse while moving through the stages of excitement, doubt, hope, discouragement, courage and triumph or loss.

2. The transformational character is the counselor.

3. I used the MM structure.

4. I covered the gradients in the Profound model then deleted them because there were too many pages.

ACT 1

MM #1 Hero’s ordinary world, ends with an inciting incident or “call to adventure,” introducing the story’s main tension.

She gets an eviction notice–Must have money by Jun.30th

MM #2 Hero’s denial of the call

Selma rips up the eviction notice. Hurls pieces into the bin.

Hero gets “locked into” the conflict brought on by this call.

Selma looks through job listings and finds the only suitable job is at the Blue Bird Transition House.

She goes for an interview and takes the job as a deprogrammer then goes to her mentor’s house to learn more.

Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay for three nights and come for counseling.

1^st session goes well.

ACT 2

MMM #3 Standard ways fail. I don’t know why this is red. It should be in bold.

2^nd session

Elizabeth gets upset and wants to leave.

Selma lies to Elizabeth to keep her in counseling and keep her from receiving more abuse or getting killed.

Elizabeth gets angry at the end.

Selma is upset with herself for making “such a mess” of the session.

#4 Hero’s plan backfires.

3^rd session

Selma decides to have a session in the garden. She tries multiple ways to get through to Elizabeth, but she maintains that Mark is a good man who Elizabeth controls.

MM #5 Hero is confronted by the need to change. She retreats to lick her wounds.

Selma, a lonely figure, stares at the garden.

MM #6 Our hero spawns a new plan, but is very nearly destroyed by it.

She decides to tell Elizabeth something about herself. This is a change because Selma is a very private person.

Elizabeth discovers the lie. She is furious.

In escalating challenges, Selma makes change after change.

Selma decides she needs help to keep Elizabeth in counseling. She asks Elizabeth’s friend. This is a change because Selma never asks for help.

4^th session

Selma gives Elizabeth the last of her wishes. Elizabeth is no longer angry.

Now that Elizabeth has her wishes, she decides she does not need more counseling.

Selma and Elizabeth’s friend discuss the ethics of plotting behind Elizabeth’s back. Then Selma asks the friend for even more help.

Selma is accosted by Mark. She calls the transition house for help. This is a change because she is asking for herself not Elizabeth.

If Selma had not asked Elizabeth’s friend for help with Elizabeth, Selma could not have made this change.

But she backtracks. When she is calmer, she regrets asking for help.

Selma and Elizabeth come together over their mutual loss after a teenager goes back to her abuser. This is a change because Selma does not allow herself to have friends.

6^th session

Selma approaches Elizabeth more like a friend than a client.

When Elizabeth says she must go home, Selma pleads with her and tells her she could die.

Elizabeth says she does not care. Selma counters with “But I do!”

Selma is now in relationship with Elizabeth and it hurts.

The ultimate failure

Elizabeth decides she must go home.

Selma cries in the washroom.

She meets with her mentor and offers her resignation.

She is no longer concerned about privacy. She tells her mentor everything including her fear of men and their feet.

But when her mentor offers support, Selma will not admit she needs her.

Selma sees her chance slipping away and relents. This is another change. The reward? Selma finds a mother.

The mentor is about to be fired.

MM #7 The revelation allows our hero to see victory, and she rejoins the battle with a new fervor,

Selma realizes Elizabeth may still be at the house. She decides to try and save her mentor’s job.

ACT 3

Selma intercepts Elizabeth and pushes her to the brink.

Apparent victory

Elizabeth admits that Mark brainwashed her into believing she was mentally ill (gaslighting) and could not take care of her baby. Elizabeth gave away the baby.

The tables turn one more time.

Mark arrives and tries to kidnap Elizabeth.

MM #8 The hero puts down the antagonist’s last attempt to defeat her

Selma swallows her fear. She keeps him from leaving by holding on to one of his feet.

Mark is arrested.

The story wraps up any sub-plots. The hero moves into the new world she has created.

Selma earns the money and keeps her apartment.

Her mentor helps Selma understand that it was her father’s fault her mother died.

Selma continues to be a deprogrammer.

Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for Survivors Of Domestic Abuse called SODA.

[Joan Butler]

I had a very tough time figuring out how to do this assignment in the large portions specified in the grid. Instead, I went through the script looking at each decision my character made as long as it fitted my logline. The assignment ended up as 10 pages. Result: Discouragement Challenge: To keep going even though I think Day 6 will be a hot mess. Weakness: I don’t know what I’m doing. Stay tuned.

[Joan Butler]

4B Analysis of Dead Poets Society

I learned that the gradual step-by-step process of change makes the outcome more dramatic.

What is the change about?

The change is about a group of boys who learn to take chances and seize what is truly important to them while they find their own voice.

What is the transformational journey about?

The transformational journey is about a group of boys who are stifled by conformity and learn to think for themselves.

Lead characters:

Mr. Keating is their teacher. He is the right character because he has power and influence over the boys. He uses it to instill his ideas of free thinking.

Todd Anderson is the transformable character. He is the right character because he is the most timid boy at the start of the movie.

Mr. Nolan is the oppression.

How are we lured in and connect?

We are lured in by the intrigue of the boy’s school. We wonder who each boy is and how he will survive. Later, we are curious about the Dead Poet’s Society and the danger it presents to the boys.

We connect because we have experienced the excitement and jitters as we try to determine the lay of the land on of the first day of school.

Who takes the profound journey?

Todd Anderson takes the profound journey.

Old Way: He is a lonely, timid boy who believes he has nothing of worth inside.

New Way: He finds his voice and becomes a courageous leader when he is the first boy to stand on his desk and defy Mr. Nolan.

Gradient of change:

Todd writes Seize the Day in his book but is so uncomfortable, he throws the page away.

Neil says, “You’re in.” so Todd joins the Society.

He leaps from bed to bed and begins to be part of the group.

He yells the yowp like a barbarian.

He speaks from the heart when he describes the blanket on his face.

He throws away the desk set.

When he smokes a pipe with the other boys, he is definitely part of the group.

When the Cameron returns to the group and blames Mr. Keating for Neil’s death, Todd speaks up for Mr. Keating.

Todd is the first to honor Mr. Keating by standing on the desk and speaking, “Captain. My captain” against the opposition of Mr. Nolan.

Challenges to the old way:

Mr. Keating challenges the old way by:

showing the boys that poetry cannot be rated by a geometrical formula.

telling the boys to rip up their poetry book.

adding music and words to their physical education.

demonstrating how conformity takes over as they march.

How is Todd finally able to complete the change?

When Mr. Keating is forced to quit, Todd no longer believes in the righteousness of the school. Todd then becomes a free agent.

Profound moments:

Todd yowps.

Todd speaks about the blanket that covers his face.

Neil finds himself and tries out for the play.

While Neil is puck, he asks for his father’s understanding.

Neil places the crown on his head and considers jumping from the window.

The boys sing the 23^rd psalm.

Todd finds the courage to stand on his desk.

Mr. Keating says thank-you to the boys who are standing on their desks.

Profound lines:

There is a time for daring and a time for caution. A wise man knows what is called for.

If you pardon, we will mend. I am an honest Puck. Give me your hands and we be friends.

Tell me what you feel. – Nothing.

You can’t save Keating, but you can save yourself.

Captain. My captain.

Payoff:

Mr. Keating tells the boys about Captain. My Captain and has them stand on his desk – The boys stand on their own desks as Todd says Captain. My Captain.

Profound truth:

People must fight conformity and think for themselves.

[Joan Butler]

4A Lead Characters

I learned that there are 3 transformational journeys in this script.

Tell us your transformational journey logline.

a) Simple: A novice deprogrammer takes instruction from her mentor and learns to deprogram a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse.

b) Complex: A guilt-ridden counselor must learn to deprogram a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse before she can atone for her mother’s death.

c) A victim of domestic abuse who wants to go home experiences deprogramming and learns to leave her abuser.

1. The Change Agent is Gaia(60s), the South Asian manager of the transition house and the mentor of Selma, the protagonist.

a) Gaia’s vision is to have a counselor on-site who can deprogram brainwashed victims of domestic abuse and convince them not to return to their abuser.

She has seen women return to their abuser multiple times after fleeing to the transition house and she believes one of the main reasons is brainwashing. She knows a deprogramming process often used to free brainwashed victims from their cult leaders.

b) Gaia’s vision is to change Selma’s belief about guilt.

Gaia helps Selma understand that her father was responsible for her mother’s death.

2. The Transformable Character is Selma(40s), an African American counselor Selma who has never worked with abused women and does not know how to deprogram.

a) Old Way: She doesn’t know how to deprogram.

New Way: She learns to deprogram a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse.

b) Old Way: She believes she caused her mother’s death.

New Way: She believes her abusive father caused her mother’s death.

3. The Oppression is Petra(60s), White administrator and Gaia’s boss.

She believes on-site counselors are a waste of money and wants to keep the status quo. Gaia and Selma live under the threat of her firing them throughout the story.

4. The Betraying Character is Mark, the abuser.

He works against Selma and Gaia. He uses manipulation, gaslighting, and threats to make his victim come home.

The second Betraying Character is the victim, Elizabeth. Unbeknownst to Selma, she contacts Mark.

She believes Mark is a good man who she controls. She fights against Selma for much of the script and decides to go back to Mark near the end of Act 2.

During Act 3, she becomes a Transformable Character. Selma is the Change Agent.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

I learned there are multiple ways to write a logline. This way works best for me.

This is a break-through because I have a file full of advice on how to write a logline. Each source says something different and she/he is adamant that she/he knows the correct way.

(The same goes for how to write a query letter and how to do a pitch.)

Logline:

A guilt-ridden counselor must deprogram a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse to atone for her mother’s death.

Or

A guilt-ridden counselor must atone for her mother’s death by deprogramming a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse.

Old Way:

The counselor believes she caused her mother’s death because:

1. she forced her mother to leave a transition house and return home where she was killed by her abusive husband.

2. she did not intervene while he kicked her mother to death.

New Way:

The counselor believes her father was responsible for her mother’s death because:

1. he created the traumatic bonds that made the counselor need to return home.

2. at age 8, the counselor could not keep him from killing her mother.

3. he was the one who kicked her mother to death.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Cheryl,

I think I received a message from you, but I can’t find it. If you send it to me again, I’ll try to do better.

Thanks.

[Joan Butler]

“What I learned doing this assignment is that there may be other ways to present my truth.”

1. What is your profound truth?

Transition houses need counselors trained in deprogramming.

2. What is the change your movie will cause with an audience?

a) One reason women stay with their abusers is brainwashing and many women do not leave their abusers because the women are brainwashed into thinking they love their abusers.

3. What is your Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story through?

A counselor and her brainwashed client work through their own problems during counseling. I’m not sure how or if this will work. Stay tuned.

[Joan Butler]

I learned that this is an interesting way to analyze a script.

1. This movie is about a man who changes from a jerk to a sensitive, caring human being. Phil starts out as a jaded, egotistical, womanizer who treats everyone badly. He becomes a pillar of the community who helps everyone and earns the love of the woman he adores.

2. Lead Characters

· Rita is the Change Agent. She is a truly kind human being who Phil is able to model.

· Phil is the Transformable Character. At the beginning of the script, he must make many changes before he becomes the man who Rita will love.

· The Oppression is the recurring Groundhog Day.

3. When we see what a jerk Phil is, we are curious how he and the ever-positive Rita will end up together. We connect because most of us have treated people badly at one time or another, experienced an uncomfortable situation that is out of our control, and have looked for love in the wrong places.

4. The old way: Phil is a jaded, cruel, egotistical, womanizer.

The new way: He is a positive, caring, humble man who deeply loves Rita.

5. The gradient of change:

· Phil realizes what he does doesn’t matter. At first this is fun, then he wants to matter.

· As he spends time with Rita, Phil realizes what a jerk he is.

· When he shows Rita what he knows about all the people in the café, we realize he must have become interested in them as people.

· Rita falls asleep beside him and he shares what is in his heart.

· He realizes he is happy because he loves her. (He learns to give, not take.)

6. The old way is challenged when Phil wants Rita to like him. She is a kind, positive person who would only fall in love with someone who is also kind and positive.

His old self believed that, because he was a TV star, he had the right to be cynical, walk over people, and use people in any way he wanted.

7. Profound moments:

· Phil shares what is in his heart while Rita sleeps.

· Phil shows what he knows about the people in the café.

· Phil cares for the old man.

8. Profound lines:

· What if you were stuck in a place, every day was the same, and what you did, didn’t matter.

· No matter what happens for the rest of my life, I am happy now because I love you.

9. Set-ups:

· Phil begins learning to play the piano. — He becomes a jazz pianist with a band.

· Phil treats Ned badly. — Phil buys lots of insurance from Ned.

· Phil ignores the old man. — Phil takes care of the old man.

· Rita tells Phil what she wants in the future. — She achieves it with Phil.

10. The Profound Truth:

You can find love and happiness when you spend your life helping others.

[Joan Butler]

1. Joan Butler

2. I have written 2 scripts.

3. I hope to improve my scripts.

4. I have these words in front of me while I write: Getting discouraged is not an option. I choose hope and I choose to write.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler

“I agree to the terms of this release form.”

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

+2

[Joan Butler]

I worked on this assignment for many hours, but I didn’t have much luck. I will continue it after the course ends.

[Joan Butler]

Phone Pitch

Hi,

I’m an award-winning screenwriter. The transition house in my script is based on my experience in a transition house. The story is about brainwashing and domestic abuse.

Have we worked with you before?

–No.

How did you find us?

–ImdbPro or

— I came to this company because:

– You make low budget movies

-You make movies centered around women

Do you have representation?

–No.

What’s the budget range

–Probably: $1 million to $5 million

Who do you see in the main roles?

–Naomie Harris

–Claire Danes

–Charlie Hunnam

How many pages is the script?

–110

Who else has seen this?

–No one

How does the movie end?

–Set-up: The villain tries to kidnap his brainwash victim.

–Pay-off: The hero risks her life to save the brainwash victim and the villain is arrested.

–(Epilogue: The hero and the former victim cheer with other domestic abuse survivors. We see the “welcome” sign on the transition house door that we saw in the opening scene.)

Why do you think it fits our company?

–You make low budget movies.

–You make dramatic movies about social issues.

–You make movies about women’s issues.

I learned that, in theory, this is easier than I thought. Now I have to find the courage to do it. (I have promised myself to do one more course, then go for it.)

[Joan Butler]

Pitch Fest Pitch

Hi,

I’m Joan Butler and I stayed at a transition house for abused women like the transition house in the story. The script placed at Austin and Raindance.

Today I have a drama called The Deprogrammer.

(light pause)

It’s the story of a counselor at a transition house. She is hired to prove that the deprogramming often used with brainwashed cult members can keep brainwashed women from returning to their abusers.

___________

Then allow them to ask questions.

A. What is the budget range?

Low Budget 500K to 5 million

B. What actors do you like for the lead roles?

These are great roles for:

Naomie Harris as the counselor.

Claire Danes as the brainwashed woman.

And Charlie Hunnam as the abuser.

C. Give me the acts of the story.

Act 1.

Selma takes work at a transition house where she is hired to prove that deprogramming can keep brainwashed women from returning to their abusive partners. Elizabeth becomes her client.

Act 2.

Selma conducts the step-by-step deprogramming process. In the meantime, Elizabeth’s abuser, Mark, continues to brainwash her. When Elizabeth decides to go back, Selma is crushed.

Act 3.

Selma intervenes as Elizabeth leaves the transition house. Mark tries to kidnap her, but Selma risks her life to stop him.

D. How does it end? (setup / payoff).

Five years later, Selma and Elizabeth have created a world-wide self-help organization called SODA, Survivors of Domestic Abuse. Selma stands in the living room of the transition house facing a group of women enjoying themselves. She asks them to cheer for each other because they are survivors. Cheers of joy are heard off screen as the camera focuses on the welcome sign on the front door of the transition house, the same door we saw at the beginning of the story.

What I learned: I wish I had taken this course before I spent money learning how to create a pitch the “usual” way.

[Joan Butler]

Query Letters

Title: The Deprogrammer

Genre: Drama

Written by: Joan Butler

This story answers these questions:

Can a counselor keep a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse from returning to her husband by using deprogramming often deployed with brainwashed cult members?

What if the victim’s husband continues to brainwash her every night?

What if the lie the counselor tells the woman to keep her in counseling backfires?

And finally, why are the counselor and the woman both plagued by guilt?

The deprogramming in this story is authentic and the transition house is based on the house I stayed at.

The script placed at Austin, under the title Transitions and at Raindance under the title Lies and Transformation.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Contact: joanbutler357@gmail.com ph: 1-604-540-5065 mail: 102-265 Tenth St., New Westminster BC, V3M3Y1 Canada

I learned that this assignment was difficult because I am used to creating log lines.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Heather,

Could you please email me at joanbutler357@gmail.com and tell me where you saw more query letters? Many thanks.

[Joan Butler]

From Joan Butler

Hi Heather,

Where can I read other people’s letters?

Thanks for the help.

[Joan Butler]

Joan’s Synopsis Hooks

Title: The Deprogrammer

Genre: Drama

Tone: Serious

Written by Joan Butler

Did you know that abused women run to safety then turn around and return to their abusers, on average, 7 times before they escape for good? And that brainwashing is one of the main reasons women go back?

This is the crux of the story.

It takes place in a transition house. There, a counselor is out to prove that the same deprogramming techniques used to free brainwashed followers from their cult leaders, can be used to keep a brainwashed woman from going back to her husband.

This is no easy feat. The counselor has only six days to complete the deprogramming and the lie she tells to keep the woman in counseling backfires and makes the woman want to leave. Not only that, the woman’s husband continues to brainwash her every night.

Then there are the surprises. Why are the counselor and the woman both plagued by guilt?

Most Interesting Things:

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?

–The hero uses real life deprogramming techniques with a brainwashed woman.

–The villain brainwashes his wife.

E. Reversals?

–Selma lies to keep Elizabeth in counseling, but the lie makes Elizabeth want to go home.

H. Any big surprises?

–Selma caused her mother’s death.

–Elizabeth gave away her baby.

Components of Marketability:

Title

–The Deprogrammer

Unique

–A counselor in a transition house uses true to life deprogramming techniques to deprogram a brainwashed woman.

I learned that using the COM and the MIT makes this synopsis much more interesting than the very dry ones I have written in the past.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

High Concept/Elevator Pitch

Hook: A counselor uses real-life deprogramming techniques with a brainwashed woman to keep her from returning to her abuser.

Elevator pitch:

–I have a script called The Deprogrammer.

–It’s about a counselor who uses real-life deprogramming techniques with a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse to keep her from returning to her abuser.

–It’s unique in that it is set in a transition house for abused women.

–It has great roles for bankable actors

–and it’s always timely because domestic abuse never goes away.

Logline: A counselor uses real-life deprogramming techniques with a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse to keep her from returning to her abuser.

What I learned: This assignment taught me a much better way to write a logline, a hook, and a pitch.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Randall,

I have taken a number of Hal’s courses. My experience is 2 fold. The assignments and the information I am getting are excellent because they encourage me to think in new ways. In that regard, they are by far the best courses I have taken. I plan to take more. I only wish Hal and Cheryl supplied feedback.

On the other hand, I have emailed the U’s support people many times, but I have never received an answer and there have often been technical issues that go unresolved.

I wish you the best.

[Joan Butler]

I learned to clarify the interesting things in my script.

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?

Hero–She vowed never to lie to a client, then she broke that vow. Villain—He brainwashed his wife.

B. Major hook of your opening scene?

A flashback of a child pulling her mother out of a transition house. This is followed by the same child forty years later afraid to leave her apartment.

C. Any turning points?

Selma receives an eviction notice. Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay for counseling. Selma accidently tells the truth and exposes her lie. Selma hands in her resignation and admits to Gaia that she lied. Selma decides to intervene in Elizabeth’s departure.

Elizabeth is scalded by Mark. Elizabeth agrees to stay for counseling. Elizabeth discovers the lie. Elizabeth decides to go back to Mark. Elizabeth realizes Mark made her give away her baby for no reason. Elizabeth pulls a gun on Mark.

Mark scalds Elizabeth. Mark finds out Elizabeth has left. Mark hires a PI. Mark is laughed at by PI. Mark fights to keep Elizabeth.

D. Emotional dilemma?

Selma has vowed never to lie to Elizabeth. When Elizabeth gets frustrated with the counseling she asks if Selma has seen this process work with other abused women. Selma has not worked with other abused women, but she lies to keep Elizabeth in counseling because she could die if she goes back to Mark.

E. Major twists?

Selma lies to keep Elizabeth in counseling, but the lie makes Elizabeth want to quit counseling.

F. Reversals?

None

· G. Character betrayals?

Elizabeth is betrayed by Selma.

Elizabeth is betrayed by Mark.

[Joan Butler]

Producer/Manager

Both a Producer and a Manager want a writer who collaborate well and has marketable projects. However:

–A Producer wants one marketable project. I would offer one project.

A Manager wants several projects. I would offer all my projects.

–A Producer wants a specific type of project based on genre, budget, type of actors etc. I would ensure that my project fit the criteria for what she was looking for.

A Manager may want several types of projects. I would offer all my projects.

–A Producer expects a writer to be a professional writer and pitcher from the start. I would explain the awards my project received as proof that my project is well written and prepare a professional pitch.

A Manager is willing to shepherd a writer through the writing and pitching processes of several projects. I would explain the awards my projects have received and emphasize my willingness and ability to learn.

–A Producer is not interested in other paid assignments. N/A

A Manager wants a writer to make screenwriting a full-time career where she can focus on paid writing assignments. I would emphasize that I am willing to do whatever it takes to become a full-time writer of paid assignments.

–A Producer is interested in a writer for the duration of one project. N/A A manager is interested in a writer for her entire career. I would emphasize that I am willing and able to work with the manager for my entire career.

I would present myself as a former assistant manager of a thirty-person physiotherapy department where I worked closely with many different people, was required to complete projects on time, was constantly learning, and adapted to the changing needs of the clients, the staff, and my superiors. I would then say that I am willing and able to use these skills as I work with the producer or manager.

I learned that producers and managers have very different rolls and want very different things.

[Joan Butler]

I learned that I shouldn’t be afraid to put “brainwashed” in my logline because it is what makes my script unique.

Logline:

When a traumatized counselor receives an eviction notice, she takes work at a transition house where she has six days to convince a brainwashed woman not to return to her husband who is determined to get her back.

Unique:

To my knowledge, we have never seen a counselor deprogram a brainwashed victim of domestic abuse, especially when the counselor uses the actual process often used to free brainwashed followers from their cult leaders.

Great Roles:

I can say this in my pitch:

Selma is an African American counselor in her 40s who must overcome distrust, childhood trauma, guilt, fear, illness, and her temper to save a brainwashed woman. She also befriends the manager and a staff member of the transition house. This offers a wide range of emotional possibilities.

Elizabeth is a White brainwashed doctor in her 40s who must overcome her anger with her counselor and her belief that her husband is a good man who she controls before she can see him as the abuser he is. During her counseling she must also contend with his psychological abuse, including gaslighting. In addition she cares for a new-born who she comes to love. This offers a wide range of emotional possibilities.

[Joan Butler]

genre – Drama

title – Transitions

concept – When a traumatized counselor receives an eviction notice, she takes work at a transition house where she has six days to convince an abused woman not to return to her husband.

The story shows life at a transition house and how the effects of various forms of psychological abuse, including brainwashing, can be mitigated.

I will target an actor’s production company because I think I need an actor to interest a producer in this script.

What I learned today is: I’m usually a positive person but I have lost confidence in my script. It was a finalist in the Raindance script competition, was considered for the semi-finals at the Austin Film festival, and coverage notes have said over and over again that this is a very important story. However, when I looked for something attractive, I had a hard time finding anything. It’s such a serious topic, I don’t know if anyone will want to watch it. That means a producer won’t be interested because it won’t make money. My other script is an inverse whodunnit and I can easily find what is attractive about it. I’m looking for a confidence boost as I work my way through this course.

[Joan Butler]

My name is Joan Butler. I have written 2 scripts. I hope to learn where to go from here. When I write, I have this in front of me. “Getting discouraged is not an option. I choose hope and I choose to keep writing.”

[Joan Butler]

I, Joan Butler, I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Joan Butler]

How
many ways is this character made uncomfortable?

Jack surprises him, asks what he’s looking for, says he caught Greg looking at the polygraph machine, asks him to put it on, says the machine is accurate, asks Greg to criticize the pot roast, asks him about watching porn.

How
does this put him in a weak position?

Jack is asking all the questions–basically interrogating him–and operating the machine while he forces Greg to tell his secrets.

What
drama is this scene built around?

Greg wants Jack to like him so he is trying to answer Jack’s questions in a way that will put him, Greg, in the best light. Jack wants to make Greg as uncomfortable as possible so he will leave Jack’s daughter.

Profile

Right character: Jack is a father on a mission to get rid of Greg.

Traits: Jack – secure, calm, comfortable, devious, cruel / Greg – insecure, uncomfortable, weak

Secret: Jack wants to get rid of Greg / Greg hated the pot roast and has watched porn.

Future: Jack is living the future of Greg being gone. / Greg is living the future of marrying his girlfriend if he can find the right answers to Jack’s questions.

These are great characters because they both love Jack’s daughter but have opposite agendas.

Breakthrough:

Making my protagonist uncomfortable when we first meet her, helps the audience empathize and like her.

[Joan Butler]

I would like to see the 5 days of notes that were created for week 3 that didn’t go into the forum due to technical difficulties. I am happy to share mine. If anyone is interested, my email is

joanbutler357@gmail.com

Thanks.

[Joan Butler]

Will is in a power struggle with Sean and Will looks for a way to hurt him. With each attempt, Will gets crueler. When Will brings up Sean’s wife, Will thinks he has Sean right where he wants him. Then Sean breaks and grabs Will by the throat. He is afraid. Now Sean has the power.

Profile Items

Right character: Will is an angry young man. Sean appears to be able to handle that anger until he breaks.

Traits:

Will vs Sean

anger vs mild mannered

cruel vs kind

harsh vs gentle

Wound: Will – probably something in his childhood. Sean – probably something to do with his wife.

Future: As Will tears down everything, he lives the future of Sean not wanting to work with him. Before his break, Sean lives the future of helping Will.

These are great characters not only because they are opposites who have to work together but because they are, potentially, a danger to each other.

Breakthrough:

When my protagonist’s sixteen-year-old daughter says, “I hate you”, I originally had my protagonist simply be the loving mother who accepts it. Now, I have her extremely tired when her daughter makes that statement. She slams the door and begins to cry. This lets the audience know how she really feels.

[Joan Butler]

Forced to Violate Their Values

How was
this value shown?

There are children’s toys under the car and he appears to be looking under the car in search of lost children. When he sees the girl, he speaks kindly to her.

What
caused him to violate the value and what were the consequences?

He was afraid for his life so he shot the girl. I don’t know the story so I looked up the consequences. He pushes down his feelings and becomes very hard.

What drama
is this scene built around?

The sheriff is trying to protect children from the walking dead. When he sees the girl, he tries to help her until he realizes she is one of the walking dead. Afraid for his life, he shoots her.

What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

Right character: The girl is a very frightening antagonist. He is the “good guy” protagonist. In a Western, he would wear a white hat.

Traits: good, kind, frightened vs bad, evil, fearless

Future: Just before he shoots her, they both live the same future ie. She will kill him.

The characters are great because it’s unusual to see such a malevolent child who makes a sheriff fear for his life and go against his values to protect himself.

Breakthrough: I had my protagonist accept $75.000 from a pipeline executive who is about to destroy part of the Boreal forest but it took over the plot and was too hard to get her back to being neutral.

[Joan Butler]

The audio portion of Week 4 is not working. Could someone email it to me? I’d really appreciate it.

Thanks.

joanbutler357@gmail.com

[Joan Butler]

<div>My Cousin Vinny</div>

How
is she tested and how does it build to an emotional moment?

We think she doesn’t know the answer to a difficult question. This will cause the defendants to be convicted.

What
is the result of the test?

She blows us out of the water with an answer that shows us she is an automotive genius.

What
drama is this scene built around?

This is a court case where two people are charged with murder. This woman’s testimony could exonerate them or bring in a verdict of guilty.

What
profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) show up?

Traits:

The woman: fed-up, brilliant, confident, an automotive genius.

Vinny: egotistical, possibly a user of people, willing to take second-hand credit and bask in her expertise.

Secret: Vinny knows she is a genius and keeps it from the prosecutor.

Wound: The woman has been put down before. This time she is out to be the smartest person in the room.

Future: Vinny is living the future of winning the case. She is living the future of gaining respect.

These characters are great because she is a genius in a male-dominated profession while he is riding on her coattails. The cliché is the reverse.

Breakthrough: I have tested my protagonist but I need to test my other characters.

[Joan Butler]

Happy Boxing Day. If anyone would like to read the climax to my inverse whodunnit, Death in the Snow, and exchange scenes, please contact me at joanbutler357@gmail.com

[Joan Butler]

Breakthrough: I’ve always thought that the climaxes and endings of my various characters’ stories had to all come at the same time. Knowing that they don’t, gives me more freedom to improve each climax and ending.

[Joan Butler]

Rudy, the underdog who has won the hearts of the fans, is the star of the football game. It is something he has always dreamed about. Now that his dream has come true, the movie can end.

Wound: He is too small to play football.

Living the future: At the start of the scene, Rudy is dressed to play even though he doesn’t expect to.

We see Rudy’s depth through the eyes of his team, the coach, and his fans. They admire him and want him to succeed.

This is a great character because Rudy is the humble underdog with heart and hope. The audience finds him easy to root for.

[Joan Butler]

Hi,

Could anyone please tell me what makes a character deep and what “right character” means in a character profile?

Thanks so much.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Everyone,

I’m saving my comments until I can put them in the right forum.

My only concern is that we are all doing this and when the forum issue for wk 3 is resolved, we will need a lot of time to read everyone’s input and copy the comments that are meaningful to us.

I wish you all Season’s Greetings.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Ann,

If you give me your email address, I can send you Assignment 5. You could leave it in your email until you are ready for it. Anything earlier is blocked.

Cheers,

Joan Butler

[Joan Butler]

Breakthrough: Ally shows she is attracted to Jack by simply touching his face.

I copied her by having my protagonist brush a strand of hair from the forehead of the First Nations man.

[Joan Butler]

These characters are great because the audience gets to see Ally rise above her fear and sing with all her heart. The audience also watches Jack transported from ruin to hope.

Insight

An excellent actor like Bradley Cooper doesn’t need dialogue or actions to show what he’s thinking. Everything is on his face.

Attraction

shows up for Jack when we see his face as Ally sings. Her youth, her show biz innocence, and her talent, causes that attraction.

Ally’s attraction for Jack is caused by her need to nurture him. We see this as she touches his face.

This scene is built around

a woman trying out a new song and an alcoholic finding fresh talent as she sings.

Future

Ally is living as a songwriter-singer.

Jack is living as the man who has discovered a new talent.

Wound

It’s night. A woman sings her heart out to a drunken man in an empty parking lot. They appear to be strangers. There must be a wound keeping them away from their homes.

Secret

Ally keeps her song-writing secret until she stands and sings. Then she is wide open. Jack is closed but he sees a spark of hope when he hears Ally sing.

Traits

They are both lonely.

Ally is caring. Jack is needy

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Insights: My triangle is the racist female police chief, the male First Nations protester, and my protagonist, the female reporter. She tries to remain neutral while the other two try to convince her, he or she is right. This occurs over several scenes in different parts of the script. I don’t know if having them spread out is good or bad.

[Joan Butler]

These characters are great because Tess is closed off and fighting with herself to stay that way while Danny is emotionally open.

Secrets and Intrigue

Why is Tess saying she’s not interested in Danny but the subtext is that she doesn’t love him. He doesn’t bring her happiness, only less pain.

What will happen when Terry arrives?

How does Danny know so much?

What happened five years ago?

Why did Tess divorce Danny?

Why did Danny say that Tess should not be with Terry.

Emotional Needs

Danny and Tess need love.

Terry needs ownership.

Drama is Built Around

Who will Tess choose?

The future

Terry is living his life with Tess. Tess is living a life of loneliness. Danny is living a life with Tess.

Wound

Both Tess and Danny feel hurt and abandoned.

Character Traits

Danny — loyal, caring, regretful

Tess – frightened of being hurt again, loving, angry

Terry and Danny are rivals. Terry looks from Tess to Danny and realizes she may still be interested in him. Danny argues his case with Danny. She says she isn’t interested.

[Joan Butler]

Breakthrough: After my rewrite, I read the dialogue. Unconsciously, I allowed only the racist police chief and the killer to use humiliation as a power tactic. The First Nations leader uses only facts and tells the killer to “simmer down” when he says he smells “pig shit”.

Breakthrough: In a mother/teen power struggle, the teen only has power if she acts in secret. Otherwise, the mother has the power. For example: The teen gives herself a nonbinary haircut when her mother is not at home.

[Joan Butler]

The power struggle is created by Gary telling the coach the positions that the Black players can have. At this point Gary has the power. Then the coach shows everyone the power he has over Gary.

The drama is a White versus Black power struggle in the American South.

Gary’s mother is watching. She expects him to put this Black coach in his place even though he is a boy and the coach is a man.

Powerful men in the school or the school board are watching the coach. He must show his power to earn their respect.

Expressing their profiles:

Future —

At the beginning, both characters are living the future of having a great team based on their power and input.

At the end, the coach is living the future of having a great team based on his input and having the respect of the other men. Gary is living the future of playing on a team where the coach has all the power.

Wounds –

The coach has probably been bullied in the past. He knows exactly how to bully Gary. The coach uses humiliation, takes over Gary’s personal space, then makes him say what the coach wants him to say, not once but twice.

Gary is weak. He needs his friend’s support to talk to the coach. Gary’s mother appears to be stern. She has probably caused him pain and pushed him into giving orders to the coach.

These are great characters because they sum up the Black/White divide in this town and the Black struggle for respect in America as a whole.

[Joan Butler]

These characters are great because they are so far apart, their friendship seems impossible. They are mismatched in race, wealth, class, and education. They have to get over all of these before they can become friends.

The future is created when Shirley hires Tony. Their future friendship is reinforced when the two men must be together in dangerous situations for months at a time.

The drama is set around an interview between 2 very different characters. The audience is curious whether Tony will get the job and what will happen if he does.

Traits:

Shirley

An upper-class snob

Rich

Well educated

Talented in music

Single/ no children

Used to using his brain

Tony

Lower middle class

Needs money

Not well educated

Talented in driving and protection

Married/ 2 children

Used to using his muscles

Able to bargain

Insight: The farther the characters must travel to become friends, the more interesting the script.

[Joan Butler]

Previously, in the scene where my protagonist first opposes the killer, she and her daughter quickly obeyed his orders. In the rewrite, she stands up to him verbally, then flings food in his eyes and uses a dinner plate to smash him in the penis.

Breakthrough: When I made my protagonist more worthy, she became a more interesting character and the audience was more likely to root for her.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I first wrote another scene where Robin is hiding her need to be nonbinary from her mother. In the rewrite, Robin’s need is well known to Hope. It is now just one thing Hope must overcome before she and Robin can respect and like each other.

Insight: The more these characters must overcome, the more interesting the script.

Breakthrough: The conflict between a teen and her mother is not cliché when one of their conflicts is the teen’s need to be recognized as nonbinary.

[Joan Butler]

These characters are great because they are so perfectly matched and they are both gentlemen in a rough and tumble environment.

The tension comes from the characters trying to outdo each other. Every time one does something difficult, the other does something even more difficult.

Doc discovers that Ringo is much like him. He is well educated, he fights fairly, and will calmly walk away when he loses.

These two characters are gentlemen who play fairly and are well educated. The others are ignorant cowboys.

The drama comes from the two men trying to outdo each other and from the possibility of either man getting shot.

Character profiles:

Even when Doc is sick, he can outdo Ringo.

Wound—Doc is sick.

Future—Dock is dying. Ringo will take his place.

Secret—Doc knows there is a gun under the desk hidden from Ringo.

Both men are gentlemen who play fairly and are well educated.

Insight: The closer the opponents are matched, the more interesting the conflict.

[Joan Butler]

Before I understood how to make the friends in my script belong together, their dialogue rambled.

Breakthrough: I had them like the same sugar and cream in their coffee, had one offer to be the waitress the other one needed, and had them help each other put together some furniture. The dialogue rewrite is now shorter and more focused.

Breakthrough: I can show belonging in many ways.

I showed two characters belong together with 4 lines of dialogue where they joined in a game of make believe.

[Joan Butler]

These are great characters because everyone roots for a lonely single father who is trying to give his son a good Christmas. The audience also roots for an empathetic woman who understands the father.

The drama is built around Tom and Meg listening to the same radio program even though they are far apart. This builds the audience’s expectation that they will come together in the same place.

We know Meg and Tom belong together because she answers a question meant for Tom, she says, “Sure you do” at the same time as Tom, and she is so intent on listening to him that she forgets she’s driving.

Breakthrough: by doing only these 3 things the audience knew they belonged together.

[Joan Butler]

The drama is built around breaking the horse.

These characters are great because they are so far apart that the audience is curious to know how they will come together.

Wound—These characters are fighting so hard because they have wounds.

Future—The trainer is living in the future as he links the horse and jockey and sees their potential.

Traits—Anger. Fighting. Courage

We know the horse and jockey belong together because:

They are both fighters.

The jockey said, “I’ll take you all on” while the horse was fighting off multiple men.

The trainer links them together when he looks at the jockey then the horse.

Breakthrough: I can show belonging in multiple ways.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Everyone,

My email is joanbutler357@gmail.com

This is my scene. If anyone has comments or wants me to look at their scene please email me.

BY JOAN BUTLER

Set-up: 14-year-old Robin identifies herself as nonbinary but her mother doesn’t know.

Robin is living into a future where she is recognized and accepted as nonbinary by everyone.

INT. HOPE’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN – DAY

Hope ladles porridge into bowls at the kitchen table. Robin enters. She wears thermal jeans, a pink turtleneck sweater with lace at the cuffs, and subtle make-up.

HOPE

You look very nice.

INT. SCHOOL – HALLWAY – DAY

Robin checks that the coast is clear then whips into the boy’s bathroom with her knapsack.

INT. SCHOOL – BOY’S BATHROOM – DAY

Robin enters a stall. She removes her pink turtleneck and her bra. She binds her breasts then adds a large black T-shirt and an extra-large hoodie.

She washes off her make-up at a sink. Two BOYS enter and use the urinal. She puts up her hood and makes a bee line for the door.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

I didn’t understand how to ask for feedback or receive feedback this weekend so I am putting my scene here. Hopefully I can figure it out by next weekend. Thanks.

BY JOAN BUTLER

Set-up: Robin identifies herself as nonbinary but her mother doesn’t know.

Robin is living into a future where she is recognized and accepted as nonbinary by everyone.

INT. HOPE’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN – DAY

Hope ladles porridge into bowls at the kitchen table. Robin enters. She wears thermal jeans, a pink turtleneck sweater with lace at the cuffs, and subtle make-up.

HOPE

You look very nice.

INT. SCHOOL – HALLWAY – DAY

Robin checks that the coast is clear then whips into the boy’s bathroom with her knapsack.

INT. SCHOOL – BOY’S BATHROOM – DAY

Robin enters a stall. She removes her pink turtleneck and her bra. She binds her breasts then adds a large black T-shirt and an extra-large hoodie.

She washes off her make-up at a sink. Two BOYS enter and use the urinal. She puts up her hood and makes a bee line for the door.

[Joan Butler]

My characters become multidimensional when I give my them deep wounds. They offer an opportunity for secrets. For example:

Robin is a 16 year old girl.

Wound: the need to be a boy.

One of my characters wants sex-change surgery when she becomes 19. Her mother is opposed. The girl dresses like a girl for her mother before school but whips into the boy’s bathroom at school to change her clothes and her identity.

[Joan Butler]

These are great characters because they have created lives for themselves without drugs, alcohol, or self pity even though they have deep wounds. The audience can root for both of them.

[Joan Butler]

I learned that each of my characters should have at least one unusual characteristic or be struggling with a unique situation.

[Joan Butler]

My insight is that I don’t think these are great characters because they are all cliches.

Jack is the caring, sensitive “good” guy while Sawyer is the devious, charming, dangerous “bad” guy.

Kate is the “bad girl”. She is the “Eve” character–devious, charming, a woman who lets Sawyer think he has tricked her into telling her secret when she did it only because she was ready to give the secret up. If she had not been ready, it would not have happened. The other part of her ”bad girl” persona, are her tomboy traits. She is strong, determined, resourceful, and dangerous. That, too, has become cliché. It is seen in multiple movies and in many TV shows.

As you might guess, I wouldn’t spend time watching these characters unless they were saved by a great plot.

[Joan Butler]

The Bagger Vance scene pushed me into thinking about racial cliches in films set in modern times. My script is an inverted whodunit that deals with racism in northern Canada. My protagonist could be the White non-racist who arrives in town and is shocked by the police racism—cliché. She could be a racist who arrives in town and is befriended by the First Nations, then becomes non-racist–cliche. She could come to town as woman whose philosophy is to remain steadfastly neutral but be forced to choose between the First Nations or the police. If she becomes friendly with both, she must consider the pros and cons of both sides. I’m leaning toward the last scenario.

[Joan Butler]

Junah and Bagger are great characters because they have so much in common, including the fact they play golf in secret, but come from opposite ends of the financial and racial spectrum. The poor African American teaching the resistant rich White male/female where he/she finally achieves understanding at the end of the movie, is cliche.

This scene is saved by having Junah want to learn from Bagger. Also, Junah’s understanding and respect of Baggar begins the movie rather than ends it.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Joan Butler.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

–The questions that Hal asks for specific scenes are a useful guide for any scene and they act as a prime to my brainstorming pump. I value this because, previously, I have found it difficult to brainstorm by myself.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Joan Butler. Reason: I put my info in the wrong day. I will change it to Day 2
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

GOOD WILL HUNTING

What I learned: My characters do not give everyone in the audience something to like.

Will is:

Brilliant

Loyal

Poor

Fighter

The underdog

He’s good looking, smart, able to fight, and the under-dog. Everyone in the audience can find something to like about him. This gives the film wide appeal. The expectation is that it will make money.

This scene leaves the audience asking questions and wanting more. For example:

Will Will’s physicality be at war with his intellect?

Will his poverty make him jealous of rich students? Will he sell out in order to be wealthy?

Will is brilliant. Chuckie is not. Will this create problems or will they stay loyal to each other?

Skylar aligns with Will in putting down Mr. Posh. This foreshadows their relationship. How and when will they get together? Will it be boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl?

Chuckie is looking for a woman. Will he find one?

[Joan Butler]

I, Joan Butler, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Joan Butler]

My name is Joan Butler. I’ve written 2 scripts. Their plots are somewhat ok but their characters need a lot of work. I hope to improve them. When I sit at my computer, I see these words: Getting discouraged is not an option. I choose hope. And I choose to write.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Assignment 14 Memorable Lines

What I learned: Creating these lines can be difficult.

EXT. GATE – DAY

A tall fence and gate hide all but the roof of the transition house. There is an intercom beside the gate.

Selma stands before the gate hugging herself.

She closes her eyes and feels a necklace of beads, smooth stones, and charms she always wears in addition to the locket, except when she’s in pajamas.

She pushes the intercom button.

SELMA

It’s Selma Freeman.

A BUZZER sounds. She pushes the gate open.

The meaning I want to deliver: I want to show Selma’s fear.

EXT. GATE – DAY

A tall fence and gate hide all but the roof of the transition house. There is an intercom beside the gate.

Selma stands before the gate hugging herself.

She closes her eyes and feels a necklace of beads, smooth stones, and charms she always wears in addition to the locket, except when she’s in pajamas.

She pushes the intercom button.

SELMA

(quietly)

It’s Selma Freeman.

MAGGIE (V.O.)

Could you please speak up?

SELMA

(swallowing hard)

It’s Selma Freeman.

A BUZZER sounds. She pushes the gate open.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Assignment 12 Transitions with Meaning

What I learned: Transitions other than flow can be fun to write, but they shouldn’t be overused.

Question and Answer Transition

This scene is a very long. I’ve only posted the ending.

Before

INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Gaia’s phone rings. She answers it.

PETRA (V.O.)

Where’s the assignment?

GAIA

(quietly)

It’s not coming.

PETRA (V.O.)

I have no choice but to cancel your pilot and dismiss you for incompetence.

GAIA

(resigned)

Do whatever you want.

PETRA (V.O.)

I have papers for you to sign.

I’ll leave now and call you when I get there. Come out when I arrive and walk me in.

Gaia touches the END button on her phone. Her eyes well as she looks at the floor.

SELMA

I’m so sorry.

GAIA

If it wasn’t the report, it would be something else.

Silence.

GAIA

What’s important, is Elizabeth. Was she gone by the time you left?

SELMA

No.

Gaia keys in a number on the phone.

GAIA

(into phone)

Question Hi, Maggie. It’s Gaia. Is Elizabeth still there?

MAGGIE

Answer She’s in the laundry.

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LAUNDRY – DAY

The washers and dryers are empty.

Elizabeth places her bedding in a washer.

After

INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Gaia’s phone rings. She answers it.

PETRA (V.O.)

Where’s the assignment?

GAIA

(quietly)

It’s not coming.

PETRA (V.O.)

I have no choice but to cancel your pilot and dismiss you for incompetence.

GAIA

(resigned)

Do whatever you want.

PETRA (V.O.)

I have papers for you to sign.

I’ll leave now and call you when I get there. Come out when I arrive and walk me in.

Gaia touches the END button on her phone. Her eyes well as she looks at the floor.

SELMA

I’m so sorry.

GAIA

If it wasn’t the report, it would be something else.

Silence.

GAIA

What’s important, is Elizabeth. Was she gone by the time you left?

SELMA

No.

Gaia keys in a number on the phone.

GAIA

(into phone)

Question Hi, Maggie. It’s Gaia. Is Elizabeth still there?

Answer INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LAUNDRY – DAY

The washers and dryers are empty.

Elizabeth places her bedding in a washer.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Rewrite Assignment 11 Elevating Scene Structure

What I learned: Using Hal’s guidelines I can make the most boring scene interesting.

Scene before revision

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Elizabeth stands with her arms crossed. Afraid of being yelled at, Selma stands with her trembling hands behind her back.

SELMA

You look as if you’re still upset.

ELIZABETH

Can you blame me?

SELMA

No. I lied and I apologize.

ELIZABETH

If you think that’s going to make me trust you, you’re wrong… Show me something I can use at home.

SELMA

Absolutely.

They sit in their armchairs. Elizabeth drops the weighted blanket on her lap.

SELMA

(with caution)

You said Mark puts you down and calls you names.

INT. MARK’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY (ELIZABETH’S FLASHBACK)

Mark and Elizabeth are dressed for the office, Mark in a suit, Elizabeth in a skirt and blouse. He watches her frantically polish his shoes.

MARK

Hurry up. You’re going to make us late. You’re so useless. A dead mule could move faster.

He throws a wet dish cloth in her face.

BACK TO SCENE.

Elizabeth blinks.

ELIZABETH

It’s just something he says. He doesn’t mean it.

SELMA

(almost begging)

If you feel bad about yourself, you won’t think you deserve more, and you won’t leave him.

ELIZABETH

I have no intention of leaving him!

SELMA

I call any technique he uses to control you, a red flag.

ELIZABETH

I told you. He doesn’t control me.

SELMA

(keeping her temper)

I’m just trying to show you something you can use at home.

Elizabeth sighs.

SELMA

Could you tell me one thing he calls you?

ELIZABETH

Useless.

SELMA

Think of all the things you do for him and your patients. Are you useless?

ELIZABETH

(softly)

I guess not.

SELMA

You don’t sound very sure.

ELIZABETH

I’m useless at a lot of things.

SELMA

So am I, but to say you’re useless, full stop, isn’t true… If he lies about that, is it possible all the put-downs and names he calls you are lies?

Elizabeth considers.

ELIZABETH

It’s poss… Mark wouldn’t do that.

Selma reins in her frustration.

SELMA

Do you ever call yourself useless?

ELIZABETH

(snapping)

What of it?

SELMA

Then he doesn’t need to put you down. You do it for him.

Elizabeth’s face is stone.

Selma gently offers Elizabeth a piece of paper and a pencil.

SELMA

Please write “useless” on the paper.

Elizabeth hesitates then writes.

SELMA

Now, light the paper on fire and place it in the bowl.

Elizabeth burns the paper.

SELMA

When you hear a put-down or you call yourself a name, stop and tell yourself the truth. Then, when you can, set the words on fire.

ELIZABETH

Why not just throw them away?

SELMA

Because fire makes a stronger impression on the brain. It’s not a quick fix, but as you become more aware, the words will lose some of their impact.

Elizabeth looks skeptical.

SELMA

Do you know what happens when Mark consistently fills your brain with lies about who and what you are?

ELIZABETH

I get confused.

SELMA

Yes. And you gradually lose yourself.

Components of the scene:

A. Selma apologizes for the lie. Elizabeth is still angry.

B. Elizabeth flashes back on being called useless.

C. SELMA

He knows if he can make you feel bad about yourself, you won’t think you deserve more, and you’ll never leave.

ELIZABETH

I have no intention of leaving!

D. Selma waves the red flag. Elizabeth says to put it away.

E. They talk about Elizabeth being useless.

F. SELMA

Do you ever call yourself useless?

SELMA

Then he doesn’t need to put you down. You do it for him.

G. Selma gives instructions on burning the word.

H. Selma explains how people lose themselves.

What do I want to accomplish?

To show the 4^th step in the deprogramming.

To make the sparing one-sided rather than two-sided, as in the previous session, so the conflict doesn’t become boring.

Scene Structures

CRUCIBLE

Selma and Elizabeth meet the day after Elizabeth discovers that Selma lied to her. Elizabeth is angry and Selma is frightened. She speaks in a calm voice to decrease Elizabeth’s anger and keep her own temper in check.

COMPETITIVE AGENDA

Elizabeth is angry. She wants out of counseling, but not before Selma grants her last 2 wishes.

Selma wants to show her how to mitigate the hurtful words from Mark.

Elizabeth talks over Selma until Elizabeth becomes interested in what Selma is doing.

SURPRISE

At the end of the exercise, Elizabeth is surprised when she realizes she has received all 3 wishes.

Selma is surprised when Elizabeth declares the counseling is finished.

SUSPENSE

There is a little suspense because the viewers saw Selma’s anger flare in the last session and they will be waiting to see if she can keep her cool.

Revised Scene

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Elizabeth stands feet apart with her chin jutting. Selma holds her trembling hands behind her.

SELMA

You look as if you’re still upset.

ELIZABETH

Can you blame me?

Selma speaks with exceptional calmness.

SELMA

No. I lied and I apologize.

ELIZABETH

If you think that’s going to make me trust you, you’re wrong… Show me something I can use at home.

SELMA

Absolutely.

They sit in their armchairs. A red flag, a bowl of baking soda with matches, and 5 hard cover dictionaries rest beside Selma. Each dictionary is 3 inches thick.

Elizabeth drops the weighted blanket on her lap. With shaky hands, Selma piles the books, one on top of the other, on Elizabeth’s lap.

ELIZABETH

What are you doing?

SELMA

Almost finished… How do you feel weighed down with all those words?

ELIZABETH

I want to get rid of them.

Elizabeth shoves the books to the floor. Selma flinches.

SELMA

(with caution)

And that’s what we’re going to work on today… You said Mark puts you down and calls you names. Tell me one thing he calls you.

INT. MARK’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY (ELIZABETH’S FLASHBACK)

Mark and Elizabeth are dressed for the office, Mark in a suit, Elizabeth in a skirt and blouse. He watches her frantically polish his shoes.

MARK

Hurry up. You’re going to make us late. You’re so useless. A dead mule could move faster.

He throws a wet dish cloth in her face.

BACK TO SCENE

Elizabeth blinks.

ELIZABETH

Useless. It’s just something he says. He doesn’t mean it.

SELMA

(a plea)

He knows if he can make you feel bad about yourself, you won’t think you deserve more, and you’ll never leave him.

ELIZABETH

I have no intention of leaving! What about my wishes?

Selma’s fingers dig into the chair. She picks up the red flag and shakes it a little.

SELMA

I call any technique Mark uses to control you, a red flag.

ELIZABETH

He doesn’t control me. Put that stupid thing down.

Selma clenches her jaw, obeys, and remains outwardly calm.

SELMA

Are you useless? What about all the things you do for him and your patients?

Elizabeth takes a moment.

ELIZABETH

I’m useless at a lot of things.

SELMA

So am I, but to say you’re useless, full stop, isn’t true… If he lies about that, is it possible all the put downs and names he calls you are lies?

ELIZABETH

The wishes are the only reason I’m still here.

SELMA

Do you ever call yourself useless?

ELIZABETH

(snapping)

What of it?

Selma surreptitiously wipes her palms on her chair.

SELMA

Then he doesn’t need to put you down. You do it for him even when he’s not around.

Silence. Selma waits. She startles when Elizabeth suddenly speaks. When Elizabeth looks self-satisfied, Selma’s temper flares.

ELIZABETH

W I S H E S.

Elizabeth stands. Selma stands and pushes the paper and pencil at her.

SELMA

Write “useless” on the paper.

ELIZABETH

Why?

SELMA

Because I’m trying to show you something you can use at home.

ELIZABETH

Thank God for that!

Elizabeth sits and writes. Selma sits and picks up the bowl.

SELMA

Light the paper on fire and place it in the bowl.

Reluctantly, Elizabeth burns the paper.

SELMA

(clipped)

That’s how you mitigate hurtful words. When you hear them or say them to yourself, stop and tell yourself the truth. Then burn them.

ELIZABETH

Why not just throw them away?

SELMA

Because fire makes a stronger impression on the brain.

Elizabeth appears doubtful.

SELMA

It’s not a quick fix, but as you become more aware, the words will lose some of their impact… Try it. What do you have to lose?

Elizabeth twists her wedding ring. Selma sighs.

SELMA

(softly)

Do you know what happens when Mark consistently fills your brain with lies about who and what you are?

ELIZABETH

I get confused.

SELMA

Yes. And you gradually lose yourself.

Elizabeth opens her mouth to say something caustic, then stops.

ELIZABETH

(surprised)

You kept your side of the bargain–happiness, something for home, and my lost self.

Selma smiles.

ELIZABETH

Great. I’m finished with counseling.

Selma is taken-aback.

Later, she sits alone, her head in her hands.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Assignment 10 Meaningful Action

I learned an interesting way of dealing with talking heads.

EXT. GARDEN YARD – DAY

Gaia is on a tall ladder next to a downspout removing debris from a gutter. Selma holds the ladder steady.

Because they are both nervous, they speak quickly.

SELMA

She’ll use it as an excuse to cancel the project?

GAIA

If I could do something, I would.

SELMA

I’ll get on it as soon as I get home.

GAIA

Keep that ladder steady. Don’t let me fall.

SELMA

I’ve got you.

GAIA

Blossom says Elizabeth’s abuser found the transition house last night.

Selma looks shocked.

SELMA

Did you call the police?

GAIA

That’s up to Petra. If I go around her, she’ll fire me for sure…

SELMA

What a bitch!

GAIA

(slower)

I need to warn you about something… It’s a nest!

SELMA

The warning?

GAIA

This is a very dangerous time for all of us… Elizabeth ran because her fear was stronger than her doublethinking and brainwashing.

SELMA

Go on.

GAIA

But now she’s been at the house for a few days, her fear will begin to subside… With more counseling, we’ll have a fighting chance… What’s in here?

SELMA

So she’ll go home?

GAIA

Got it. Or contact her abuser.

Gaia throws a dead rat to the ground.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Elevated Story Beats

What I learned: With Hal’s specific guidelines I was able to bring almost all of my scenes up to (E8) Satisfactory or (E9) Good. My other ratings were (E6) Poor (E7) Needs Work.

*** Means I Don’t Know How to Elevate the Scene.

I wrote the script specifically for the counseling scenes. I’m very upset to see that two of them rate (E7). They are two of the least entertaining scenes in the whole script and I have no idea how to elevate them! I would ask everyone to look at those 2 scenes, but I don’t know if that is allowed.

I elevated almost all the other scenes that rated (E6) or (E7). They are now (E8) or (E9). I increased their emotion, ended them with unanswered questions, or had them fit the characters’ traits. Below are a few examples. The others only have their new ratings.

1. (E.9) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – NIGHT

Six-year-old SELMA and MOMMY are introduced. Selma hurries from Blue Bird Transition House pulling Mommy behind her.

1 A. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Purpose: to introduce Selma at 40 years of age.

Before: (E7)

SELMA, the maxims she lives by, her poverty, and her poor health are introduced.

After: (E8)

This opens the scene:

“Wearing blue flannelette pajamas with a photo locket she never removes and holding a small bag marked FINEPHARMACY, SELMA (46) locks her front door.

She employs a dead bolt, 3 large barrel bolts, and a barricade attached to the floor.”

Then the maxims she lives by, her poverty, and her poor health are introduced.

1 B. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – HALLWAY – NIGHT

MARK is introduced. He is seen in photographs with powerful men like Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin.

1 C. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

ELIZABETH is introduced. Following her rape, she stares at a picture as Mark leaves to practice singing.

2. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Angry, Elizabeth hits a window.

2 A. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Purpose: to lead up to the inciting incident.

Before: (E7)

Selma sifts through bills and counseling magazines.

After: (E8)

“Selma slowly sifts through a pile of mail separating flyers from letters marked FINAL NOTICE. When she finds a counseling magazine, she looks forlorn as she riffles through its pages. “

2 B. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – BALCONY – DAY

Purpose: the inciting incident

Before: (E7)

Selma reads an eviction notice.

After: (E8)

Selma carefully places a tiny spider on a leaf then opens the envelope and reads.

2 C. (E8) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Selma decides to interview for a job at Blue Bird House.

3. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY

Selma stands outside the transition house gate trying to get up the nerve to push an intercom button.

3 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Selma meets Gaia, the manager of all the transition houses in the City.

3 B.(E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY

Selma lies about still having her private practice.

4. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Gaia tells Selma about a pilot project that requires a counselor to deprogram abused women who have been brainwashed by their abusers. She takes the job.

5. (E8) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – BALCONY – DAY

Purpose: to emphasize Selma’s fatigue

Before: (E6)

Selma falls asleep studying in-take questions.

After: (E8)

Selma falls asleep studying in-take questions. As her torso falls sideways, her chair tips. She wakes and saves herself with her outstretched hand. In her next scenes we see her with a tensor bandage and find she has sprained her wrist. (Take the scene to an extreme.)

5 A. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY

Selma lies to Gaia about studying the in-take questions and agrees not to allow children.

5 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Gaia asks Selma to hang this message: You Are Stronger, Braver, and More Powerful Than You Think.

6. (E9) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – DINING ROOM – DAY

Mark scalds Elizabeth with hot coffee.

6 A. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Mark blames Elizabeth for the scald.

7. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – ENSUITE BATHROOM – DAY

While Elizabeth dresses the wound, she realizes Mark could do it again.

7 A. (E9) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – SEWING ROOM – DAY

Elizabeth finds money, her bag, and a phone number to the house. She calls. Mark comes home. He gets a sweater and leaves.

8. (E6) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Elizabeth arrives at the transition house and meets Selma.

9. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – INTAKE ROOM – DAY

Selma interviews Elizabeth. Elizabeth says her phone must stay on. Selma warns Elizabeth not to contact Mark. Elizabeth says Mark is a good man and “all this stuff” is not his fault. When he phones, Elizabeth says she’s at a retreat.

10. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – INTAKE ROOM – DAY

Jasmine (17 going on 12) arrives with a new-born baby and a broken arm. She is rude to Selma and Elizabeth.

10 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine says she’s not leaving the house and she’s not going back to her boyfriend. She threatens to go to the media if Selma doesn’t let her stay.

10 B. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Purpose: to get the baby off-camera so the viewer can concentrate on the discussion between Selma and Elizabeth.

Before: (E6)

Elizabeth rocks the baby. Selma offers to take her back to Jasmine.

After: (E8)

“Elizabeth closes her eyes and places her cheek against the baby’s head. She looks as if she would hold on to that baby forever.” (Add emotion.)

11. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – DAY

Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay for 3 days and come for counseling to help her find happiness, something that would make her life easier at home, and her lost self.

11 A. (E8) INT. SELMA’S OLD VERSA SEDAN – NIGHT

Selma drives. After she almost nods off, she lowers the windows and cranks up some MUSIC.

11 B. (E8) EXT. (SELMA’S OLD VERSA SEDAN – NIGHT

Selma arrives at a small dock.

11 C. (E8) EXT. SMALL FERRY – NIGHT

Selma stands on the deck, staring at a light on the mountaintop.

11 D. (E8) EXT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – STAIRS – NIGHT

Selma has difficulty climbing the stairs.

12. (E8) INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Selma tells Gaia that she and her mother stayed at Blue Bird House then left. When they got home, her father killed her mother. Selma lies and says she didn’t see it happen. They agree Elizabeth will be their 1^st client. They discuss how counseling will work.

Act 2

13. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Elizabeth helps Jasmine feed the baby.

13 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth’s phone is on the night stand. When it RINGS, she scurries into the closet.

13 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM CLOSET – NIGHT

Elizabeth crouches in the corner, trapped. The phone continues to RING, then STOPS.

14. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – LIBRARY – NIGHT

Mark looks for Elizabeth.

15. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Selma does a module that reminds Elizabeth what made her happy from ages 5 to 34.

15 A. (E8) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Elizabeth smiles to herself as she carefully deadheads the geraniums on the stairs. When she smells one, her face fills with joy.

16. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Selma is rebuffed when she tries to ease Jasmine’s anxiety.

17. (E8) INT. PETRA’S OFFICE – DAY

Petra demands that Selma write a report justifying her counseling.

17 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jasmine refuses to look after the baby.

17 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT The phone rings but Elizabeth doesn’t answer it. She sings to the baby.

17 C. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – MARK’S LIBRARY – NIGHT

Mark is smug after he uses Find My Phone to locate the house.

17 D. (E8) EXT. MARK’S PORSCHE – NIGHT

Mark drives through the dark lonely streets.

17 E. EXT. GATE – NIGHT

Purpose: to add tension

Before: (E6)

Mark kicks the gate again and again.

After: (E8)

Mark kicks the gate again and again. He does damage, but it holds. He backs up, sprints to the gate, and attempts to scale it. He’s almost there when he falls hard on his hip and back. (Take the scene to an extreme.)

17 F. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – NIGHT

Blossom reports that Mark has found the house.

***17 G. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Selma does a module that reminds Elizabeth what qualities she admired before she met Mark. Elizabeth asks if Selma has seen this kind of counseling work with other women. Selma lies and says yes.

17 H. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine’s father refuses to let her come home. She examines her cutting equipment.

17 I. (E8) EXT. PARK – DAY

Gaia tells Selma about the report and states why Gaia can’t call the police about Mark.

17 J. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Selma asks if Elizabeth wants pictures of her wound.

17 K. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY

Selma takes pictures of Elizabeth’s scald. The wound is disgusting.

18. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Purpose: to show Selma working on Petra’s report.

Before: (E6)

Selma tries to stay awake to write Petra’s report.

After: (E8)

Wincing, she places one foot in the pan of water and ice then the other. She begins to type. (Take it to an extreme.)

18 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth hides her phone in the farthest corner of the closet then closes the door.

19. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Elizabeth meets Bella and has flashback.

19 B. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Purpose: to show Selma is doing everything to help raise money.

Delete. It doesn’t match her worldview; the world is not safe.

19 A. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth stands in front of the closet. With a heavy sigh, she opens the door and retrieves the phone.

20. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth phones Mark. He gaslights her and feeds his dog. She cuts the conversation short when he says he’ll come and get her.

21. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – GARDEN – DAY

Using info from the first 2 sessions Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that Mark is an abuser. She becomes angry and says it’s not his fault, she’s in control, and she’s not his victim.

22. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – DAY

Elizabeth is furious when she discovers Selma’s lie.

23. (E8) (INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Bella convinces Elizabeth to stay until Sunday.

23 A. (E8) INT. JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine gets upset with Selma.

23 A. (E8) EXT. PARK – DAY When Selma is frustrated with Elizabeth, Gaia defends her.

24. (E9) INT. PETRA’S OFFICE – DAY

Petra tells Gaia she will be fired when her project is canceled.

24 A. (E8) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

She fingers through a box of recipes and chooses one, then she chooses a set of DVDs and makes a call.

25. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT Mark promises everything will be wonderful when Elizabeth gets home then gaslights her.

25 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth and Bella watch the DVDs.

26. (E8) EXT. GATE – NIGHT

When Mark can’t see into the transition house with his drone, he hires a PI to find out what happens in the building.

26 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jasmine is too tired to feed the baby.

26 C. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth is at peace while she feeds the baby.

26 D. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Purpose: to contrast Selma’s night with that of Elizabeth’s

Before: (E6)

Selma has a nightmare. She wakes abruptly with fear on her face.

A soft heart beat LUB-DUB. LUB-DUB.

After: (E8)

Selma has a nightmare. She shouts, ”Momma!” then wakes abruptly.

A soft heart beat LUB-DUB. LUB-DUB.

27. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine becomes jealous of Elizabeth. This sets up Jasmine’s later put-down of Elizabeth and Selma’s yelling.

28. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Purpose: to show another step in the deprogramming.

Before: (E7)

Selma and Elizabeth argue as Selma explains how to counter the effects of hurtful words and that they made Elizabeth gradually lose herself.

After: (E8)

The argument becomes a conversation part way through the scene because the previous session in the garden was one long confrontation. Elizabeth realizes Selma has kept her side of the bargain and granted Elizabeth’s 3 wishes. (What will happen?)

28 A. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Purpose: to give Elizabeth a reason to stay longer at the house.

Before: (E6)

Bella asks Elizabeth if she wants to make bread.

After: (E8)

Bella’s wheelchair doesn’t fit the table. To accommodate Bella, they sit on the floor while they each add and mix ingredients for the bread. Elizabeth says she will think about staying until Sunday.

(It’s unusual to see people making bread while on the floor and there is What will happen next? concerning Elizabeth’s decision.)

29. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

When Jasmine puts Elizabeth down, Selma yells at her. Gaia hears the yelling.

29 A. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY

Jasmine cuts herself.

30. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY

Gaia reprimands Selma and puts her on notice.

***30 A. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Purpose: to show Selma is serious about changing in order to keep her job.

Before:

Selma watches YouTube trying to learn how to curb her anger.

After:

WHAT CAN I DO TO ELEVATE THIS SCENE?

31. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Mark tells Elizabeth the baby could get sick if she keeps looking after it.

32. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth tries to give the baby back to Jasmine, but she won’t take her.

33. (E8) EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT

The PI tells Mark the building is a transition house then tries to hide a snigger.

34. (E9) EXT. GATE – NIGHT

When Mark can’t get into the transition house, he buys a gun.

34 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – NIGHT

Purpose: to set up Petra’s fall at the end.

35. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Selma discusses various ways Mark manipulates Elizabeth. She maintains he doesn’t manipulate her and she holds the power.

35 A. INT. LOBBY – DAY

Purpose: to remind viewers what’s at stake if Selma loses her job.

Before: (E6)

Selma receives an eviction reminder.

After:

Delete. The next scene fulfils the purpose.

35 B. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Purpose: to remind viewers what’s at stake if Selma loses her job.

Before: (E6)

Landlady pushes past Selma followed by two men.

After: (E8)

Landlady pushes past Selma followed by two MEN. Staring at their feet, Selma backs away in a panic. (Add emotion)

35 C. (E8) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma suffers a nightmare of work boots stomping.

36. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

As Elizabeth listens to Mark, she realizes Selma is right; Mark does manipulate her. Mark threatens to ruin her career if she is not home by 4:00 tomorrow.

37. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY Jasmine decides to go back to her abuser.

38. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY

Elizabeth reels when Jasmine shouts that Elizabeth should have her own baby.

***39. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Selma discusses traumatic bonding using pictures of cult leaders.

40. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY

In the dark, Selma rocks back and forth on the edge of the tub.

41. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY

Police tell Selma that Jasmine has been killed.

42. (E8) INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Selma offers Gaia her resignation and tells Gaia about the lies, watching her father kill her mother, the guilt of not saving her mother, the flashbacks and nightmares, her fear of men and their feet, her fear of being kicked and stomped, that she couldn’t write the report for Petra because she’s a long hauler.

Petra says she is canceling the project and firing Gaia.

Act 3

42. (9) EXT. GAIA’S VOLKSWAGEN LADYBUG – DAY

Selma and Gaia race to intercept Elizabeth before she leaves.

43. (9) INT. MARK’S PORSCHE – DAY

Mark puts a gun in the glove box and drives to the transition house.

44. EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Purpose: to facilitate Elizabeth’s breakdown.

Before: (E7)

Selma shouts single words that each describe a technique Mark uses to control Elizabeth. She uses colored pencils to scribble colors that represent each word on a roll of paper. The words come faster and faster. Elizabeth finally screams and rips the paper to shreds. Moments later she admits she gave away her baby because Mark said she was delusional.

After: (E9)

She uses neon paint and stabs a representation of Mark over and over. Elizabeth finally screams and rips the paper to shreds. (Make it more extreme.)

45. (E9) EXT. GATE – DAY Mark arrives and tries to force Elizabeth into his car. Selma and Gaia hold him off until the police arrive and arrest him.

Resolution

46. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY

Selma concludes that she is not responsible for her mother’s death; Her father is.

47. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT FIVE YEARS LATER

Selma and Elizabeth chair a meeting of SODA–Survivors Of Domestic Abuse–a world-wide self-help organization they have created.

[Joan Butler]

Rewrite 7 Is the scene entertaining? From Joan Butler

What I learned: The script is a mixed bag.

Using E1-10 was too confusing. Instead, I used E6-9. E6 boring or poor, E7 better but still needs work, E8 I’m satisfied, and E9 good scenes.

1. (E.9) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – NIGHT

Six-year-old SELMA and MOTHER are introduced. Selma hurries from Blue Bird Transition House pulling Mother after her.

1 A. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

SELMA, the maxims she lives by, her poverty, and her poor health are introduced.

1 B. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – HALLWAY – NIGHT

MARK is introduced. He is seen in photographs with powerful men like Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin.

1 C. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

ELIZABETH is introduced. Following her rape, she stares at a picture as Mark leaves to practice singing.

2. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Angry, Elizabeth hits a window.

2 A. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Selma sifts through bills and counseling magazines.

2 B. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – BALCONY – DAY

Selma gets an eviction notice.

2 C. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Selma decides to interview for a job at Blue Bird House.

3. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY

Selma stands outside the transition house gate trying to get up the nerve to push an intercom button.

3 A. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY Selma meets Gaia, the manager of several transition houses.

3 B.(E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY

Selma lies about still having her private practice.

4. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Gaia tells Selma about a pilot project that requires a counselor to deprogram abused women who have been brainwashed by their abusers.

4 A. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

She takes the job.

5. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Selma falls asleep studying in-take questions.

5 A. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY

Selma lies to Gaia about studying the in-take questions.

5 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Gaia asks Selma to hang this message: You Are Stronger, Braver, and More Powerful Than You Think.

6. (E9) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – DINING ROOM – DAY

Mark scalds Elizabeth with hot coffee.

6 A. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Mark blames Elizabeth for the scald.

7. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – ENSUITE BATHROOM – DAY

While Elizabeth dresses the wound, she realizes Mark could do it again.

7 A. (E9) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – SEWING ROOM – DAY

Elizabeth finds money, her bag, and a phone number to the house. She calls. Mark comes home. He gets a sweater and leaves.

8. (E6) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Elizabeth arrives at the transition house and meets Selma.

9. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – INTAKE ROOM – DAY

Selma interviews Elizabeth. Elizabeth says her phone must stay on. Selma warns Elizabeth not to contact Mark. Elizabeth says Mark is a good man and “all this stuff” is not his fault. When he phones, Elizabeth says she’s at a retreat.

10. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Elizabeth falls asleep.

10 A. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – INTAKE ROOM – DAY

Jasmine arrives Jasmine (17 going on 12) arrives with a new-born baby and a broken arm. She is rude to Selma and Elizabeth.

10 B. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine says she’s not leaving the house and she’s not going back to her boyfriend. She threatens to go to the media if Selma doesn’t let her stay.

10 C. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Elizabeth rocks the baby. Selma offers to take her back to Jasmine.

11. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – DAY

Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay for 3 days and come for counseling to help her find happiness, something that would make her life easier at home, and her lost self.

11 A. (E8) INT. SELMA’S OLD VERSA SEDAN – NIGHT

Selma drives. After she almost nods off, she lowers the windows and cranks up MUSIC.

11 B. (E8) EXT. (SELMA’S OLD VERSA SEDAN – NIGHT

Selma arrives at a small dock.

11 C. (E8) EXT. SMALL FERRY – NIGHT

Selma stands on the deck, staring at a light on the mountaintop.

11 D. (E8) EXT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – STAIRS – NIGHT

Selma has difficulty climbing the stairs. Her heart beats.

12. (E7) INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Selma tells Gaia that she and her mother stayed at Blue Bird House then left. When they got home, her father killed her mother. Selma lies and says she didn’t see it happen. They agree Elizabeth will be their 1^st client. They discuss how counseling will work.

Act 2

13. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Elizabeth helps Jasmine feed the baby.

13 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth’s phone is on the night stand. When it RINGS, she scurries into the closet.

13 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BEDROOM CUPBOARD – NIGHT

Elizabeth crouches in the corner, trapped. The phone continues to RING, then STOPS.

14. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – LIBRARY – NIGHT

Mark looks for Elizabeth.

15. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Selma does a module that reminds Elizabeth what made her happy from ages 5 to 34.

15 A. (E6) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Elizabeth smiles to herself as she waters the geraniums on the stairs.

16. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Selma is rebuffed when she tries to ease Jasmine’s anxiety.

17. (E8) INT. PETRA’S OFFICE – DAY

Petra demands that Selma write a report justifying her counseling.

17 A. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

The baby cries. Jasmine refuses to look after the baby.

17 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT The phone rings but Elizabeth doesn’t answer it. She sings to the baby.

17 C. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – MARK’S LIBRARY – NIGHT

Mark is smug after he uses Find My Phone to locate the house.

17 D. (E8) EXT. MARK’S PORSCHE – NIGHT

Mark drives through the dark lonely streets.

17 E. (E8) EXT. GATE – NIGHT

Mark finds the transition house, thinking it’s a retreat center. He tries to kick in the gate then tries to scale it. He comes close but fails.

17 F. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – NIGHT

Blossom reports that Mark has found the house.

17 G. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Selma does a module that reminds Elizabeth what qualities she admired before she met Mark.

Elizabeth asks if Selma has seen this kind of counseling work with other women. Selma lies and says yes.

17 H. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine’s father refuses to let her come home. She examines her cutting equipment.

17 I. (E6) EXT. PARK – DAY

Gaia tells Selma about the report and states why Gaia can’t call the police about Mark.

17 J. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Selma asks if Elizabeth wants pictures of her wound.

17 K. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY

Selma takes pictures of Elizabeth’s scald. The wound is disgusting.

18. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma falls asleep trying to write Petra’s report.

18 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth hides her phone in the farthest corner of the cupboard then closes the door.

19. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Elizabeth meets Bella and has flashback.

19 B. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma puts her belongings on Craigslist.

19 A. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth stands in front of the closed cupboard. With a heavy sigh, she opens the door and retrieves the phone.

20. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth phones Mark. He gaslights her and feeds his dog. She cuts the conversation short when he says he’ll come and get her.

21. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – GARDEN – DAY

Using info from the first 2 sessions Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that Mark is an abuser. She becomes angry and says it’s not his fault, she’s in control, and she’s not his victim.

22. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – DAY

Elizabeth is furious when she discovers Selma’s lie.

23. (E7) (INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Bella convinces Elizabeth to stay until Sunday.

23 A. (E8) INT. JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine gets upset with Selma.

23 A. (E8) EXT. PARK – DAY When Selma is frustrated with Elizabeth, Gaia defends her.

24. (E9) INT. PETRA’S OFFICE – DAY

Petra tells Gaia she will be fired when her project is canceled.

24 A. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

She fingers through a box of recipes and chooses one, then she chooses a set of DVDs and makes a call.

25. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT Mark promises everything will be wonderful when Elizabeth gets home then gaslights her.

25 A. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth and Bella watch the DVDs.

26. (E8) EXT. GATE – NIGHT

When Mark can’t see into the transition house with his drone, he hires a PI to find out what happens in the building.

26 A. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth and Bella turn of the DVD.

26 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jasmine is too tired to feed the baby.

26 C. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth is at peace while she feeds the baby.

26 D. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma has a nightmare. She wakes abruptly with fear on her face.

A soft heart beat LUB-DUB. LUB-DUB.

26 E. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – BATHROOM – DAY

In the mirror, Selma sees exhaustion as she rinses her face with water.

27. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine becomes jealous of Elizabeth.

27 A. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Selma sells her belongings.

28. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Selma shows Elizabeth how to counter the effects of hurtful words and explains that they make Elizabeth gradually lose herself.

29. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

When Jasmine puts Elizabeth down, Selma yells at her. Gaia hears the yelling.

29 A. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY

Jasmine cuts herself.

30. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY

Gaia reprimands Selma and puts her on notice.

30 A. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma watches YouTube trying to learn how to curb her anger.

31. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Mark tells Elizabeth the baby could get sick if she keeps looking after it.

32. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth tries to give the baby back to Jasmine, but she won’t take her.

33. (E8) EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT

The PI tells Mark the building is a transition house then tries to hide a snigger.

34. (E8) EXT. GATE – NIGHT

When Mark can’t get into the transition house, he buys a gun.

34 A. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – NIGHT

Blossom sends an email to Petra.

35. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Selma discusses various ways Mark manipulates Elizabeth. She maintains he doesn’t manipulate her and she holds the power.

35 A. (E5) INT. LOBBY – DAY

Selma receives an eviction reminder.

35 B. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Landlady brings prospective renters to Selma’s apartment.

35 C. (E8) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma suffers a nightmare of work boots stomping.

36. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

As Elizabeth listens to Mark, she realizes Selma is right; Mark does manipulate her. Mark threatens to ruin her career if she is not home by 4:00 tomorrow.

37. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine decides to go back to her abuser.

38. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY

Elizabeth reels when Jasmine shouts that Elizabeth should have her own baby.

39. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

Selma discusses traumatic bonding using pictures of cult leaders.

40. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY

In the dark, Selma rocks back and forth on the edge of the tub.

41. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY

Police tell Selma that Jasmine has been killed.

42. (E8) INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Selma offers Gaia her resignation and tells Gaia about the lies, watching her father kill her mother, the guilt of not saving her mother, the flashbacks and nightmares, her fear of men and their feet, her fear of being kicked and stomped, that she couldn’t write the report for Petra because she’s a long hauler.

Petra says she is canceling the project and firing Gaia.

Act 3

42. (9) EXT. GAIA’S VOLKSWAGEN LADYBUG – DAY

Selma and Gaia race to intercept Elizabeth before she leaves.

43. (9) INT. MARK’S PORSCHE – DAY

Mark puts a gun in the glove box and drives to the transition house.

44. (E8) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Hoping to overwhelm Elizabeth’s logic, Selma shouts single words that each describe a technique Mark uses to control Elizabeth. The words come faster and faster. Elizabeth scribbles a color to represent each word on a roll of paper. Elizabeth finally screams and rips the paper to shreds. Moments later she admits she gave away her baby because Mark said she was delusional.

45. (E9) EXT. GATE – DAY

Mark arrives and tries to force Elizabeth into his car. Selma and Gaia hold him off until the police arrive and arrest him.

Resolution

46. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY

Selma concludes that she is not responsible for her mother’s death; Her father is.

47. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT FIVE YEARS LATER

Selma and Elizabeth chair a meeting of SODA–Survivors Of Domestic Abuse–a world-wide self-help organization they have created.

[Joan Butler]

Assignment 6 from Joan Butler

What I learned: Characters can be introduced in a number of interesting ways.

Selma

Current Description Beats:

EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – NIGHT

A large two-story Craftsman-style house is covered in snow. Next to the front door a plaque reads, BLUE BIRD TRANSITION HOUSE.

1. The door bursts open. MOTHER (20s), a small and timid African American, hurries onto the porch and down the stairs.

She holds the hand of her daughter, SELMA (6).

INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

SUPER: 40 YEARS LATER

Second-hand furniture has been lovingly re-imagined as shabby chic. Everything is in order and spotlessly clean.

2. Standing by the sink, SELMA (46), a compassionate African American woman, swallows pills from two prescription containers, and pours pills from a third into a carry-your-pills-container.

New Description Beats:

EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – NIGHT

A large two-story Craftsman-style house is covered in snow. Next to the front door a plaque reads, BLUE BIRD TRANSITION HOUSE.

1. The door bursts open. SELMA (6), an African American whose eyes dart around, betraying the alertness of a child who has seen too much violence, hurries onto the porch and down the stairs.

She is a few paces in front of MOTHER (20s), a small and timid African American woman.

2. Never looking back, Selma continues down a path and opens a gate.

INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

SUPER: 40 YEARS LATER

3. Female African American hands lock a door, fasten the chain, slide across three bolts, and fit a door brace on the floor.

4. SELMA (46) wears blue flannelette pajamas and holds a small paper bag as she stands up. She is a strong, competent woman weighed down by guilt and fear who lives by 4 maxims from her years in foster care – protect yourself, be afraid of the dark, never trust authority figures, and, above all, lie when you feel insecure. She may take nitroglycerin for her heart, but her temper doesn’t need it; it explodes on its own.

Elizabeth

Other character’s reaction to this character

INT. MARK’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

ELIZABETH (40s) White, all fear and anger under a passive guise, crawls on all fours up the bed. Her naked body is shielded by a black sheet.

When she reaches her pillow, she shifts to lying on her side with her knees up. She concentrates on the picture.

MARK

You’re not crying, are you?

She turns to stone.

ELIZABETH

Of course not.

He knows when she gets like this, there is no breaking her, but he must have the last word.

MARK

You better not be.

INT. MARK’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth stands in a white satin, full length, vintage, night gown as she stares through a mullion window.

Angry, she hits the window hard. A tear rolls down her cheek.

Mark

The Character’s Philosophy: Power at any cost.

INT. MARK’S HOUSE – HALLWAY – NIGHT

Photographs of MARK (40s), a White abusive narcissist, shaking hands with powerful men, including President Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin, line the expensive wallpaper.

Gaia

Build the character’s reputation

EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Selma is met by GAIA (60s), a South Asian Earth Mother who exudes kindness, inspires trust, and fiercely protects the abused women in her care. She favors loose, ankle length caftans in saffron prints.

GAIA

Welcome. I’m Gaia. I started out as a support worker and now I manage all the houses.

Jasmine

The reveal:

EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVINGG ROOM – DAY

(O.S.) A NEWBORN CRY.

Elizabeth wakes from a nightmare with a start. Eyes wide, she scans the room. She quietly rises and peeks into the in-take room.

INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – INTAKE ROOM – DAY

Elizabeth sees Selma standing opposite JASMINE (17 going on 12), an Asian self-centered, immature, teen who is overwhelmed by her baby, jealous because she’s insecure, and a bully because she has no real power.

Her right arm is in a cast that extends from her knuckles past her elbow and holds her elbow at 90 degrees. She walks like a woman with a recent C-section.

A baby in a back-facing car seat, a diaper bag, an over-sized purse, and a bouquet of flowers are on the floor.

JASMINE

(angry)

These houses are always set up for babies.

SELMA

The childcare worker is sick.

Jasmine and Selma notice Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH

I heard the crying. I wanted to make sure the baby was all right.

JASMINE

Of course, she’s all right.

Jasmine tries to lift the baby but almost drops her. Elizabeth comes to her rescue.

JASMINE

I didn’t need your help. I could’ve done it.

SELMA

Could you take her to the living room while Jasmine and I sort this out?

Unsure, Jasmine sizes up Elizabeth.

SELMA

It’s okay. She’s a doctor.

JASMINE

Tell me which room is mine and you can talk to me there. I want to lie down.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Joan Butler.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Rewrite Assignment 5: Character beat sheet.

What I learned: I learned that elevating beats based on a character profile makes the scene richer. I also learned that I can’t brainstorm alone.

Selma

ROLL: The counselor who tries to deprogram Elizabeth and persuade her not to return to her abuser, Mark.

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

A liar

Compassionate

Insecure

Afraid of authority figures

Has a temper

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Selma is a compassionate counselor who has a temper, fears authority figures, and lies when she feels insecure.

FLAW: she lies

WANT/NEED: to feel safe

MISSION: to save Elizabeth because she didn’t save her mother.

ARC:

· from lying with impunity, to realizing lies can have deadly consequences.

· from believing she caused her mother’s death, to understanding that her father was the cause.

· from fearing men and their feet, to saving Elizabeth by taking hold of Mark’s foot and not letting go.

WORLDVIEW: The world is a dangerous place.

LIFE METAPHOR: Life is a boot that’s ready to stomp on you becomes you are stronger, braver, and more powerful than you think.

SECRET: She watched her mother die and didn’t try to save her because she’s weak, stupid, and a bad person.

SOMETHING SHE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HERSELF: She needs love.

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER UNIQUE: She is a counselor who lies and a COVID long hauler.

Beginning: Selma lies to Elizabeth.

Middle: Selma apologizes to Elizabeth for lying.

End: Selma realizes her lie may cost Elizabeth her life. She wants to stop lying.

Selma’s Beats:

1. Unable to work, Selma is a poverty-stricken long hauler who receives an eviction notice.

2. She decides to interview at the Blue Bird transition house where she can work for 1 hour a day.

3. Gaia, the manager of the house, explains the job.

4. Selma lies about working at her private practice and takes the job.

5. On Selma’s first day, an abused woman named Elizabeth arrives at the house.

6. Selma does Elizabeth’s in-take.

7. Selma does Jasmine’s in-take.

8. Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay for 3 more days and come for counseling.

9. Selma visits Gaia and asks about Elizabeth’s phone and her doublethinking.

10. She tells Gaia that her father killed her mother and lies about not seeing it happen.

11. Gaia tells Selma what to do in the first 2 sessions.

12.Selma begins deprogramming.

13. In the 2^nd session, Elizabeth asks if Selma has seen this kind of counseling work with other women. Selma lies and says yes.

14. Selma learns she must do a report for Gaia’s boss.

15. Selma takes pictures of Elizabeth’s wound.

16. Selma falls asleep trying to write the report.

17. She lists on Craigslist.

18. She tries to make Elizabeth understand that Mark is an abuser. No luck.

19. Selma accidently reveals her lie.

20.When Selma loses her compassion for Elizabeth, Gaia bristles.

21. Selma takes dvds and a recipe to the house.

22. She has a nightmare.

23. Buyers take away her belongings.

24. Selma is frightened of Elizabeth’s anger.

25. Selma discusses how to deal with put-downs and makes a chink in Elizabeth’s armour.

26. Selma yells at Jasmine.

27. Gaia reprimands Selma.

28. She watches YouTube, to learn how to control her temper.

29. She teaches Selma techniques Mark uses to control her – red flags.

30. Selma is visited by the landlady.

31. Selma’s boots nightmare.

32. She tries to work on the report. The electricity goes off.

33. She gives Jasmine the Uber faire and a card.

34. Selma spends a session discussing traumatic bonding. Elizabeth says she’s leaving.

35. Selma gives Gaia her resignation and admits all of her lies. She also talks about her mother’s death and its effects.

36. Selma decides to try a final intervention with Elizabeth.

37. Selma intercepts Elizabeth and causes her to admit the truth.

38. Selma and Gaia hold off Mark until the police arrive and arrest him.

39. Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

Elevate all scenes with Elizabeth.

Selma struggles to control her temper.

It increases her conflict with Jasmine and Elizabeth.

Elizabeth

ROLL: Selma’s first client and Mark’s victim.

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

Opinionated

Empathetic

Maternal

Angry

A doublethinker

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Elizabeth is an intelligent and empathetic physician who loves children. Because of her abuse, she is angry and protects herself, subconsciously, by denying reality.

FLAW: her conscious mind’s inability to accept reality.

WANT/NEED: to love and be loved in return

MISSION: to protect Mark

ARC:

· from denying Mark is in control to accepting he is in control

· from believing Mark is a good man to accepting he is despicable.

WORLDVIEW: Love is the answer.

LIFE METAPHOR: Life is a garden; with care and love she can cultivate beautiful flowers.

SECRET: She gave away her new-born baby.

SOMETHING SHE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HERSELF: She is completely under Mark’s control.

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER UNIQUE: She is an abused woman who doublethinks–She knows her abuser is dangerous. At the same time, she believes she controls him and believes he’s a good man.

Beginning: Elizabeth is frightened of Mark.

Middle: She believes she controls him and he is a good man. This is double thinking.

End: She believes he is despicable.

Elizabeth’s Beats:

1. Elizabeth is raped by Mark.

2. Elizabeth is scalded by Mark.

3. She flees to the transition house.

4. During her in-take, Mark phones. She says she is at a retreat.

5. She decides to stay at the house for 3 more days, come for counseling, and care for Jasmine’s baby.

6. In her first counseling session, she talks about what made her happy before she met Mark.

7. Elizabeth walks the baby and sings to her at night.

8. In the next session, she says she wants real counseling and gets angry with Selma when she says this is real counseling.

9. Elizabeth remembers her fear of Mark when Selma takes pictures of the wound.

10. Elizabeth meets Bella.

11. Elizabeth phones Mark. She’s confused when he says she scalded herself while making soup.

12. When Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that Mark is an abuser, she defends him.

13. She realizes Selma has lied and is furious.

14. Elizabeth talks to Bella about Selma and says she’s leaving. Bella convinces her to stay 3 more days.

15. She phones Mark. He tells her how everything will be wonderful when she gets home. They argue. She decides to watch a DVD with Bella.

16. Elizabeth tries to wake Jasmine in the middle of the night to care for the baby. Jasmine refuses.

17. Elizabeth is at peace as she feeds the baby.

18. Elizabeth is shocked when Jasmine says the baby loves her and will never love Elizabeth.

19. After learning a technique to cope with name calling and put-downs, she hears from Selma that they can cause Elizabeth to lose herself. She gives Selma a slight nod.

20. When Mark tells her to stop taking care of the baby because she’s delusional, Elizabeth says she’s doing well then decides he’s right.

21. She tries to get Jasmine to look after the baby. Jasmine refuses. Elizabeth relents.

22. Elizabeth worries about the baby.

23. Elizabeth admits she’s angry at everyone.

24. She learns about psychological violence and techniques Mark uses to control her. Elizabeth maintains that she is in control.

25. Elizabeth realizes Selma is right; Mark is using those techniques.

26. Elizabeth decides to go back when Mark threatens to ruin her career.

27. She promises Bella to stay for one more session.

28. Elizabeth reels when Jasmine tells her to go have her own baby.

29. Elizabeth realizes she may have trauma bonds, but it doesn’t matter. She has to go home.

30. Before she can leave the transition house property, she is intercepted by Selma.

31. Elizabeth breaks down. She admits she gave away her newborn because Mark said she was delusional.

32. Elizabeth fights Mark as he tries to get her into his car.

33. She and Selma create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

Elevate 10.

Add a flashback of Elizabeth sobbing as she gives her newborn to a nurse.

This heightens Elizabeth’s maternal trait.

It explains why she is so attracted to Jasmine’s baby and so hurt by Jasmine’s barbs.

Mark

Roll: Elizabeth’s abuser

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

A narcissist

Cruel

Manipulative

Arrogant

Loves his dog

Psychologically damaged due to childhood domestic abuse

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Mark is a cruel, manipulative, and arrogant, narcissist who is psychologically damaged due to childhood domestic abuse. However, he loves his dog.

FLAW: He must have power and control over Elizabeth.

WANT/NEED: to have power and control

MISSION: to get Elizabeth back

ARC: none. He doesn’t learn and has no regrets.

WORLDVIEW: Power and control are worth any cost.

LIFE METAPHOR: Life is a crown; it gives power to those who deserve it.

SECRET: He’s always afraid.

SOMETHING HE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HIMSELF: He is unlovable.

Beginning: Mark controls Elizabeth.

Middle: Mark has less control when she’s in the transition house.

End: He loses control of Elizabeth.

Mark’s Beats:

1. Mark rapes Elizabeth.

2. Mark scalds Elizabeth.

3. He phones during the in-take. Elizabeth says she’s at a retreat.

4. Mark calls retreat centers.

5. Using Elizabeth’s phone number, Mark finds the transition house. He still thinks it’s a retreat center. He tries but fails to get in.

6. Elizabeth calls him. He gaslights her. He gets angry when she says she’s not ready to come home.

7. Elizabeth calls him. He tells her how wonderful things will be when she gets home. He gets angry when Elizabeth says she is going to watch a DVD.

8. Mark uses his drone to peer in the windows of the transition house, but all the windows are covered by curtains.

9. He hires a PI to find out what happens at the house.

10. Mark tells Elizabeth she’s delusional and will hurt the baby.

11. The PI reports that it’s a transition house and sniggers at Mark.

12. When he can’t get into the house, he buys a gun.

13. Mark tries various kinds of manipulation to make Elizabeth come home. When they don’t work, he threatens to ruin her carrier.

14. He arrives at the house and tries to force Elizabeth into his car.

15. Selma and Gaia hold him off until the police come to arrest him.

Elevate 6.

Mark cuts chicken into fine pieces and adds drops of medicine for his dog.

This gives Mark another dimension.

Jasmine

Roll: An abused teen with a newborn and a broken right arm.

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

Insecure

Immature

Overwhelmed

Jealous because she’s insecure

A bully because she has no real power

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Jasmine is a self-centered, immature teen who is overwhelmed by her baby, jealous because she’s insecure, and a bully because she has no real power.

FLAW: She doesn’t realize who she should ask for help; her father and her abuser are the wrong people.

WANT/NEED: to be loved

MISSION: to become the greatest of all time mom

INVERSE ARC:

· from believing she can stay away from Clarence, to going back to him

· from accepting Elizabeth’s help, to becoming jealous of her

WORLDVIEW: The world owes her.

LIFE METAPHOR: Life is an avocado; it’s one giant pit.

SECRET: She is unlovable.

SOMETHING SHE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HERSELF: She’s not a good mother and may never be.

Beginning: Jasmine declares she won’t go back.

Middle: She is overwhelmed by the baby.

End: She returns to her abuser and is killed.

Jasmine’s Beats:

1. Jasmine arrives at the transition house and pushes her way in even though the house is not taking children.

2. Jasmine makes formula and holds the baby with Elizabeth’s help.

3. She refuses Selma’s help.

4. Jasmine asks her father if she can come home. He refuses.

5. She refuses to look after the baby in the middle of the night.

6. Jasmine tells Elizabeth the baby will never love her.

7. Jasmine puts Elizabeth down. Selma yells at her.

8. Jasmine cuts herself.

9. Jasmine refuses to take care of the baby even though Elizabeth pleads with her.

10. Jasmine’s cast is removed.

11. She returns to her abuser and is killed.

Elevate 3.

Jasmine reads a book about babies.

Elevate 4.

Jasmine tells her father that she wants to learn about the baby from her mother and she says that her father doesn’t know how hard it is to have a newborn.

This makes her a more sympathetic character. When she is killed, it affects the viewer more deeply.

Gaia

Roll: Manager of the transition house, mentor to Selma, employee to Petra

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

Gets angry when her residents are in danger, emotionally or physically

Kind

Inspires trust

Lonely

Mother-figure

Fears retirement

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Gaia is a kind and lonely mother-figure who inspires trust and fiercely protects her residents.

FLAW: She fails to look for common ground with her boss, Petra

WANT/NEED: her daughter or a substitute

· MISSION: to keep women from leaving the transition house and returning to their abusers

ARC:

· She starts out lonely.

· She ends with Selma as a substitute daughter/ Selma gains a mother.

WORLDVIEW: The world can be cruel. The strong must protect the weak.

SECRET: She’s ashamed of being lonely.

Beginning: Gaia is lonely.

Middle: She reprimands Selma.

End: Gaia gains Selma as a substitute daughter.

Gaia’s Beats:

1. Gaia interviews Selma for the pilot project and offers her the job.

2. Later, they meet and decide Elizabeth is their candidate. She warns Selma that the project will end if 1 or 2 women go home.

3. She hears about the report.

4. She passes the info to Selma. She warns Selma that Gaia will cancel the project if Selma can’t justify what she does in the sessions.

5. Gaia bristles when Selma gets frustrated with Elizabeth.

6. Gaia and Petra argue about on-site counseling.

7. Gaia hears Selma yelling at Jasmine and reprimands Selma.

8. Gaia receives Selma’s resignation. They talk about Selma’s lies and the death of her mother. Gaia suggests a therapist and Selma agrees.

9. Petra tells Gaia she is about to be fired.

10.Gaia suggests that Selma try a final intervention with Elizabeth.

11.Selma and Gaia hold off Mark until the police arrive and arrest him.

12. Gaia helps Selma and Elizabeth with their world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

Elevate 9.

Her eyes well. She looks at the floor. She says, “I should learn to keep my mouth shut.”

This shows how much it hurts Gaia to lose her job and gives her another dimension.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Assignment 4

Logline: A counselor at a transition house has 6 days to deprogram a brainwashed woman who believes she will be safe when she returns to her abuser.

What I learned from this assignment: Small changes to a character’s profile can produce a more interesting character and story.

*** indicates change

SELMA

ROLL:

She’s the counselor who tries to deprogram Elizabeth and persuade her not to return her abuser, Mark.

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

A liar

Compassionate

Insecure

Afraid of authority figures

***Needs to control her environment

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Selma is a compassionate counselor who fears authority figures and lies when she feels insecure.

FLAW: she lies

WANT/NEED: to feel safe

MISSION: to save Elizabeth because she didn’t save her mother.

ARC:

· from lying with impunity, to realizing lies can have deadly consequences.

· from believing she caused her mother’s death, to understanding that her father was the cause.

· from fearing men and their feet, to saving Elizabeth by taking hold of Mark’s foot and not letting go.

WORLDVIEW: The world is a dangerous place.

LIFE METAPHOR: Life is a boot that’s ready to stomp on you becomes you are stronger, braver, and more powerful than you think.

SECRET: She watched her mother die and didn’t try to save her because she is weak, stupid, and a bad person.

SOMETHING SHE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HERSELF: She needs love.

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER UNIQUE: She is a counselor who lies and a COVID long hauler.

CHANGE:

Needs to control her environment becomes has a temper.

This heightens the interaction between Selma’s struggle to control her temper and Elizabeth’s anger. It increases the conflict in the story.

Elizabeth

ROLL: Selma’s first client and Mark’s victim.

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

***Intelligent

Empathetic

Maternal

Angry

A doublethinker

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Elizabeth is an intelligent and empathetic physician who loves children. Because of her abuse, she is angry and protects herself, subconsciously, by denying reality.

FLAW: her conscious mind’s inability to accept reality.

WANT/NEED: to love and be loved in return

MISSION: to protect Mark

ARC:

· from denying Mark is in control to accepting he is in control

· from believing Mark is a good man to accepting he is despicable.

WORLDVIEW: Love is the answer.

LIFE METAPHOR: Life is a garden; with care and love she can cultivate beautiful flowers.

SECRET: She gave away her new-born baby.

SOMETHING SHE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HERSELF: She is completely under Mark’s control.

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER UNIQUE: She is an abused woman who doublethinks–She realizes her abuser is dangerous. At the same time, she believes that she controls him and that he’s a good man.

CHANGE:

Intelligent becomes opinionated.

This allows Elizabeth to say what she thinks in a strong (and intelligent) manner. It makes her a better match for Selma.

Mark

Roll: Elizabeth’s abuser

Story B. the antagonist to Elizabeth’s protagonist

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

A narcissist

Cruel

Manipulative

***Intelligent

Arrogant

Psychologically damaged due to childhood domestic abuse

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Mark is a cruel, manipulative, arrogant, and intelligent narcissist who is psychologically damaged due to childhood domestic abuse.

FLAW: He must have power and control over Elizabeth.

WANT/NEED: to have power and control

MISSION: to get Elizabeth back

ARC: none. He doesn’t learn and has no regrets.

WORLDVIEW: Power and control are worth any cost.

LIFE METAPHOR: Life is a crown; it gives power to those who deserve it.

SECRET: He’s always afraid.

SOMETHING HE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HIMSELF: He is unlovable.

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER UNIQUE:

CHANGE:

intelligent becomes loves animals.

This makes him less one dimensional and shows why Elizabeth might have fallen in love with him.

Jasmine

Roll: An abused teen with a new-born baby and a broken right arm.

Story C. antagonist to Elizabeth’s protagonist

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

Insecure

Immature

***Self-Centered

Jealous because she’s insecure

A bully because she has no real power

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Jasmine is a self-centered, immature teen who is jealous because she’s insecure and a bully because she has no real power.

FLAW: She doesn’t realize who she should ask for help; her father and her abuser are the wrong people.

WANT/NEED: to be loved

MISSION: to become the greatest of all time mom

INVERSE ARC:

· from believing she can stay away from Clarence, to going back to him

· from accepting Elizabeth’s help, to becoming jealous of her

WORLDVIEW: The world owes her.

LIFE METAPHOR: Life is an avocado; it’s one giant pit.

SECRET: She is unlovable.

SOMETHING SHE DOESN’T WANT TO ADMIT TO HERSELF: She’s not a good mother and may never be.

CHANGE:

Self-centered becomes overwhelmed.

This makes Jasmine more sympathetic because many women feel overwhelmed with a new-born. When she’s killed, it’s more tragic.

Gaia

Roll: Manager of the transition house, mentor to Selma, employee to Petra

Story A. “friend” to Selma

Story D the protagonist to Petra’s antagonist

CORE CHARACTER TRAITS:

Gets angry when her residents are in danger, emotionally or physically

Kind

Inspires trust

Lonely

***Intelligent

Mother-figure

CHARACTER SUBTEXT LOGLINE:

Gaia is a kind and lonely mother-figure who inspires trust and fiercely protects her residents.

FLAW: She fails to look for common ground with her boss, Petra

WANT/NEED: her daughter or a substitute

· MISSION: to keep women from leaving the transition house and returning to their abusers

ARC:

· She starts out lonely.

· She ends with Selma as a substitute daughter/ Selma gains a mother.

WORLDVIEW: The world can be cruel. The strong must protect the weak.

SECRET: She’s ashamed of being lonely.

CHANGE:

Intelligent becomes fears retirement.

This creates a conflict for Gaia. Should she protect the residents or try to stay on Petra’s good side to keep the job? This makes for a more interesting story.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler Story Beats

What I learned: Separating out is very useful. (Determining the purpose of every scene could be valuable.) Creating a beat sheet is time consuming.

Logline: A counselor has 6 days to deprogram a brainwashed woman and convince her not to return to the abuser she thinks is under her control and a good man.

A, B, C after a number indicates I failed to add these scenes from my current script at the start.

***indicates a flag

Act 1

***1. EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – NIGHT (SELMA’S NIGHTMARE FLASHBACK)

Mother hurries away from Blue Bird transition house with six-year-old Selma.

Purpose: to ensure the opening shot is the transition house, hint that the story is about women leaving the house, ***let the audience know the protagonist.

Change: I added a scene to show the adult Selma is the protagonist.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Is it good to start the movie with a nightmare?

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

1 A. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma(40s) wakes from the nightmare with a start.

2. INT. MARK’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth is raped by her husband, Mark.

3. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – BATHROOM – DAY

Selma takes expensive pills for her heart.

***4. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

TV Commentator speaks about Americans unable to work due to long COVID. Selma gets an eviction notice and reluctantly decides to interview at Blue Bird house.

Purpose: to introduce long COVID and tie Selma’s pills to that condition. To create the inciting incident.

Change: An eviction notice is cliché, but I don’t know how to elevate it. It is part of a storyline that runs through much of the script.

5. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Gaia the manager of several houses, tells Selma about a pilot project that requires a counselor to deprogram abused women who have been brainwashed by their abusers.

Selma lies about still having her private practice and takes the job.

6. INT. MARK’S HOUSE – DINING ROOM – DAY

Mark scalds Elizabeth with hot coffee.

7. INT. MARK’S HOUSE – ENSUITE BATHROOM – DAY

While Elizabeth dresses the wound, she realizes Mark could do it again. She flees.

8. EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

She arrives at the transition house.

9. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – INTAKE ROOM – DAY

Selma interviews Elizabeth. Elizabeth says her phone must stay on. Selma warns Elizabeth not to contact Mark. Elizabeth says Mark is a good man and “all this stuff” is not his fault. When he phones, Elizabeth says she’s at a retreat. Jasmine (17 going on 12) arrives with a new-born baby and a broken arm.

10. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine is oppositional. She says she is not going back to her boyfriend.

11. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – DAY

Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay for 3 days and come for counseling to help her find her lost self.

***12. INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Selma tells Gaia that she and her mother stayed at Blue Bird House then left. When they got home, her father killed her mother. Selma lies and says she didn’t see it happen. They agree Elizabeth will be their 1<sup style=”font-family: inherit;”>st</sup> client. They discuss how counseling will work.

Purpose: to give info to the audience.

Change: Add info about double thinking and emphasize that it is for protection.

Act 2

13. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Elizabeth helps Jasmine feed the baby.

14. INT. MARK’S HOUSE – LIBRARY – NIGHT

Mark looks for Elizabeth.

15. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

TUESDAY

Selma does a module that reminds Elizabeth what made her happy from ages 5 to 34.

16. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Selma is rebuffed when she tries to ease Jasmine’s anxiety.

17. INT. PETRA’S OFFICE – DAY

Petra demands that Selma write a report justifying her counseling.

17 A. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth cares for the baby.

17 B. EXT. GATE – NIGHT

Mark finds the transition house, thinking it’s a retreat center. He tries to get in but fails.

17 C. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

WEDNESDAY

Elizabeth asks if Selma has seen this kind of counseling work with other women. Selma lies and says yes. Selma does a module that reminds Elizabeth what qualities she admired before she met Mark.

17 D. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine’s father refuses to let her come home.

***17 E. EXT. PARK – DAY

Gaia gives Selma permission to raise her voice if it will help her get through to Elizabeth.

She also says she knows Mark has found the transition house but doesn’t dare go behind Petra’s back and contact the police.

Purpose: to show why Gaia doesn’t contact the police and to allow Selma to get angry with Elizabeth later in the script.

Question: TO ELEVATE OR LEAVE OUT GAIA GIVING PERMISSION?

17 F. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY

Selma takes pictures of Elizabeth’s scald.

18. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma falls asleep trying to write Petra’s report.

18 A. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth hides her phone in the cupboard.

***19. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Elizabeth meets Bella.

Purpose: to have Elizabeth meet Bella.

Change: I added a w/chair to show women with disabilities are abused.

***19 A. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – BATHROOM – NIGHT

Selma falls asleep in the tub.

Purpose: to emphasize Selma’s fatigue.

Change: Put this scene later. It is currently too close to scene 18 where Selma falls asleep trying to write the report.

19 B. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma puts her belongings on Craigslist.

20. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth phones Mark. He gaslights her. She cuts the conversation short when he says he’ll come and get her.

21. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

THURSDAY

Using info from the first 2 sessions, Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that Mark is an abuser. She becomes angry and says it’s not his fault, she’s in control, and she’s not his victim.

22. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – DAY

Elizabeth is furious when she discovers Selma’s lie.

23. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Bella convinces Elizabeth to stay until Sunday.

23 A. EXT. PARK – DAY

When Selma is frustrated with Elizabeth, Gaia defends her.

24. INT. PETRA’S OFFICE – DAY

Petra tells Gaia she will be fired when her project is canceled.

25. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Mark promises everything will be wonderful when Elizabeth gets home then gaslights her.

26. EXT. GATE – NIGHT

When Mark can’t see into the transition house with his drone, he hires a PI to find out what happens in the building.

27. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine becomes jealous of Elizabeth.

27 A. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

Selma sells her belongings.

***28. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

FRIDAY

Selma shows Elizabeth how to counter the effects of hurtful words and explains that they make Elizabeth gradually lose herself.

Purpose: to show 1 technique Mark uses to control Elizabeth and to reward Selma with a small break-through.

Change: I added a silent moment of understanding between Selma and Elizabeth at the end of the scene.

29. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

When Jasmine puts Elizabeth down, Selma yells at her. Gaia hears the yelling.

30. EXT. GATE – DAY

Gaia reprimands Selma and puts her on notice.

31. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Mark tells Elizabeth the baby could get sick if she keeps looking after it.

32. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Elizabeth tries to give the baby back to Jasmine, but she won’t take it.

33. EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT

The PI tells Mark the building is a transition house then tries to hide a smirk.

34. EXT. GATE – NIGHT

When Mark can’t get into the transition house, he buys a gun.

35. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY

SATURDAY

Selma discusses various ways Mark manipulates Elizabeth. She maintains he doesn’t manipulate her and she is in control.

35 A. INT. LOBBY – DAY

Selma receives an eviction reminder.

35 B. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY

A landlady brings prospective renters to Selma’s apartment.

35 C. INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT

Selma suffers a nightmare of work boots stomping.

36. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

As Elizabeth listens to Mark, she realizes Selma is right; Mark does manipulate her. Mark threatens to ruin her career if she is not home by 4:00 tomorrow.

37. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jasmine decides to go back to her abuser.

38. EXT. GATE – DAY

Elizabeth reels when Jasmine shouts that Elizabeth should have her own baby.

***39. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY SUNDAY

Selma discusses traumatic bonding using pictures of cult leaders.

Purpose: to complete the final step in the deprogramming process.

Change to: using pictures of cult leaders, examples of her childhood, and role play.

40. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY

In the dark, Selma rocks back and forth on the edge of the tub.

41. EXT. GATE – DAY

Police tell Selma that Jasmine has been killed.

42. INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Selma offers Gaia her resignation and tells Gaia about the lies, watching her father kill her mother, the guilt of not saving her mother

the flashbacks and nightmares her fear of men and their feet her fear of being kicked and stomped on that she couldn’t write the report for Petra because she’s a long hauler Petra says she is canceling the project and firing Gaia.

Act 3

42. EXT. GAIA’S VOLKSWAGEN LADYBUG – DAY

Selma and Gaia race to intercept Elizabeth before she leaves.

43. INT. MARK’S PORSCHE – DAY

Mark puts a gun in the glove box and drives to the transition house.

***44. EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY

Hoping to overwhelm Elizabeth’s logic, Selma shouts single words that each describe a technique Mark uses to control Elizabeth. The words come faster and faster. Elizabeth scribbles a color to represent each word on a roll of paper. Elizabeth finally screams and rips the paper to shreds. Moments later she admits she gave away her baby because Mark said she was delusional.

Purpose: to make Elizabeth understand that Mark is in control.

I don’t know how to elevate it.

45. EXT. GATE – DAY

Mark arrives and tries to force Elizabeth into his car. Selma and Gaia hold him off until the police arrive and arrest him.

Petra is fired.

Resolution

46. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY

Selma concludes that she is not responsible for her mother’s death; Her father is.

47. INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT FIVE YEARS LATER

Selma and Elizabeth chair a meeting of SODA–Survivors Of Domestic Abuse–a world-wide self-help organization they have created.

[Joan Butler]

I have edited the opening.

LIES AND TRANSFORMATION Assignment 2 from Joan Butler:

Opening:

Selma takes 3 kinds of heart pills, spreads the last of the peanut butter on toast, and sifts through mail separating flyers from a counseling journal and letters stamped FINAL NOTICE. As she rips open a letter marked NOTICE OF EVICTION a large spider walks out of the mail. She carefully puts it outside. Then she reads the letter.

Inciting Incident:

INSERT: Please pay as of June 30th or face eviction.

By page 10 you know what the movie is about.

Gaia explains the pilot project—abused women returning to their abusers, brainwashing, and deprogramming. Selma takes the job of counselor. She does an intake interview with Elizabeth, an abused woman who has been scalded by her husband. Elizabeth talks about her marriage and how her husband used to be wonderful but gradually changed. She thinks it’s her fault. Her husband phones and demands to know where she is. P. 11 Elizabeth lies and says she is at a retreat.

We know the 4 main characters, their roles, and their goals.

First turning point at end of Act 1:

P. 19 Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay at the transition house for 3 days.

Mid Point

P. 52 Elizabeth discovers Selma has lied to her.

Crisis

Elizabeth says she’s leaving. Selma closes herself in the bathroom and rocks back and forth in the dark.

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

P. 93 All is lost. Then Selma writes a resignation letter and goes to Gaia. She admits she lied to Elizabeth and she lied to Gaia.

P. 93 Gains strength to continue. Gaia asks, “Do you remember what we hung on the wall?”

Selma answers, “But I’m not strong and brave and powerful.”

Gaia replies, “You are, much more than you think.”

Climax:

P. 99-100 Selma struggles to attain goal or fail.

A story–Selma persuades Elizabeth to admit that Mark controls everything in her life and she gave away her baby because he said she was delusional.

B story–Selma facilitates Elizabeth’s win over Mark. Selma battles Mark physically and mentally. Mark loses. Elizabeth tells him he is despicable.

Resolution:

The police arrive and arrest Mark. Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

ELEVATE THE INCITING INCIDENT

Purpose: Sets Selma on her journey. Should pair with the climax.

Selma gets an eviction notice. // Selma battles the land lady. Selma wins. She stays in her apartment.

Selma receives a phone call from Gaia inviting Selma to work at transition house. // Selma battles something that changes Gaia’s good opinion of Selma. She wins and continues to work at the transition house.

Elizabeth arrives at the transition house. // Selma battles Elizabeth to keep her from leaving. Selma wins. Elizabeth stays. (This is the most straight forward choice but leaves no room for Gaia to tell Selma about pilot project and for Selma is take the job.)

?? Something about Selma’s mother brings Selma to the transient house. // Flashback: Selma battles with her mother to leave Sarah’s father before she is killed. Selma battles with Elizabeth. Selma pleads that Elizabeth could be killed (This is the most interesting choice but may be too complicated.)

ELEVATE CRISIS

Purpose: to make Selma face her greatest fear. Her greatest fear may be:

To be homeless.

To ruin her reputation.

To not be good enough

To be too stupid to save Elizabeth.

***To fail Elizabeth as she failed her mother. Because Selma didn’t try to save her mother, she was killed. Selma is plagued by guilt. Saving Elizabeth would ease the guilt.

Maybe Selma has quick flashbacks of her mother’s death as Selma begs Elizabeth not to go home.

(Elizabeth is like Selma’s mother. Underneath the anger, Elizabeth is terrified, ashamed, begging for help, has no where to go, and has no one. Is Selma the same?)

ELEVATE THE CLIMAX

Purpose: to pit Selma against Elizabeth to decide if Selma fails or achieves her goal.

Selma vs Elizabeth is the A story. Selma wants Elizabeth to stay vs Elizabeth wants to go.

Selma blocks the gate.

Selma threatens Elizabeth.

***Selma gains or loses something within her self. The change allows Selma to approach Elizabeth differently. This results in Elizabeth changing. She decides to stay. Selma’s guilt eases.

Mark is the B story – Who is in control, Mark or Elizabeth.

Elizabeth battles Mark while Selma and Gaia watch.

Elizabeth tells Mark on the phone that he is despicable. Selma listens in.

***Selma battles Mark physically and mentally. Mark is defeated. This facilitates Elizabeth. She is able to say Mark is despicable.

This reply was modified 2 seconds ago by Joan Butler.

0

[Joan Butler]

LIES AND TRANSFORMATION Assignment 2 from Joan Butler:

Opening:

Selma takes 3 kinds of heart pills, spreads the last of the peanut butter on toast, and sifts through mail separating flyers from a counseling journal and letters stamped FINAL NOTICE. As she rips open a letter marked NOTICE OF EVICTION a large spider walks out of the mail. She carefully puts it outside. Then she reads the letter.

Inciting Incident:

INSERT: Please pay as of June 30th or face eviction.

By page 10 you know what the movie is about.

Gaia explains the pilot project—abused women returning to their abusers, brainwashing, and deprogramming. Selma takes the job of counselor. She does an intake interview with Elizabeth, an abused woman who has been scalded by her husband. Elizabeth talks about her marriage and how her husband used to be wonderful but gradually changed. She thinks it’s her fault. Her husband phones and demands to know where she is. P. 11 Elizabeth lies and says she is at a retreat.

We know the 4 main characters, their roles, and their goals.

First turning point at end of Act 1:

P. 19 Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay at the transition house for 3 days.

Mid Point

P. 52 Elizabeth discovers Selma has lied to her.

Crisis

Elizabeth says she’s leaving. Selma closes herself in the bathroom and rocks back and forth in the dark.

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

P. 93 All is lost. Then Selma writes a resignation letter and goes to Gaia. She admits she lied to Elizabeth and she lied to Gaia.

P. 93 Gains strength to continue. Gaia asks, “Do you remember what we hung on the wall?”

Selma answers, “But I’m not strong and brave and powerful.”

Gaia replies, “You are, much more than you think.”

Climax:

P. 99-100 Selma struggles to attain goal or fail.

A story–Selma persuades Elizabeth to admit that Mark controls everything in her life and she gave away her baby because he said she was delusional.

B story–Selma facilitates Elizabeth’s win over Mark. Selma battles Mark physically and mentally. Mark loses. Elizabeth tells him he is despicable.

Resolution:

The police arrive and arrest Mark. Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

ELEVATE THE INCITING INCIDENT

Purpose: Sets Selma on her journey. Should pair with the climax.

Selma gets an eviction notice. // Selma battles the land lady. Selma wins. She stays in her apartment.

Selma receives a phone call from Gaia inviting Selma to work at transition house. // Selma battles something that changes Gaia’s good opinion of Selma. She wins and continues to work at the transition house.

Elizabeth arrives at the transition house. // Selma battles Elizabeth to keep her from leaving. Selma wins. Elizabeth stays. (This is the most straight forward choice but leaves no room for Gaia to tell Selma about pilot project and for Selma is take the job.)

?? Something about Selma’s mother brings Selma to the transient house. // Flashback: Selma battles with her mother to leave Sarah’s father before she is killed. Selma battles with Elizabeth. Selma pleads that Elizabeth could be killed (This is the most interesting choice but may be too complicated.)

ELEVATE CRISIS

Purpose: to make Selma face her greatest fear. Her greatest fear may be:

To be homeless.

To ruin her reputation.

To not be good enough

To be too stupid to save Elizabeth.

***To fail Elizabeth as she failed her mother. Because Selma didn’t try to save her mother, she was killed. Selma is plagued by guilt. Saving Elizabeth would ease the guilt.

Maybe Selma has quick flashbacks of her mother’s death as Selma begs Elizabeth not to go home.

(Elizabeth is like Selma’s mother. Underneath the anger, Elizabeth is terrified, ashamed, begging for help, has no where to go, and has no one. Is Selma the same?)

ELEVATE THE CLIMAX

Purpose: to pit Selma against Elizabeth to decide if Selma fails or achieves her goal.

Selma vs Elizabeth is the A story. Selma wants Elizabeth to stay vs Elizabeth wants to go.

Selma blocks the gate.

Selma threatens Elizabeth.

***Selma gains or loses something within her self. The change allows Selma to approach Elizabeth differently. This results in Elizabeth changing. She decides to stay. Selma’s guilt eases.

Mark is the B story – Who is in control, Mark or Elizabeth.

Elizabeth battles Mark while Selma and Gaia watch.

Elizabeth tells Mark on the phone that he is despicable. Selma listens in.

***Selma battles Mark physically and mentally. Mark is defeated. This facilitates Elizabeth. She is able to say Mark is despicable.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

from Joan

I am looking for a partner. My script is a drama, not a thriller or a horror.

A counselor in a transition house has 6 days to deprogram a brainwashed woman and convince her not to return to the abuser she believes is a good man who is under her control.

[Joan Butler]

from Joan

I’m not sure if this is correct. I apologize if this is not the way things are done. If Terry would like to partner with me, I would be happy to partner with her.

[Joan Butler]

Terry is partnered with Joan.

[Joan Butler]

Hi,

I’m Joan. I’ve written 2 scripts. I’m hoping to make my characters more emotional and I need advise on how to show not tell in many of my scenes. I have this sign near my keyboard:

Getting discouraged is not an option. I choose hope and I choose to write and rewrite.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Joan Butler]

Joan Butler’s logline and overview of LIES AND TRANSFORMATION.

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is a useful method for creating a logline and how to strip my story down to the essentials.

Logline: A counselor at a transition house has 6 days to deprogram a brainwashed woman and convince her not to return to the abuser who she believes is a good man and under her control.

​When SELMA (40’s) counselor receives an eviction notice, she looks for work at the Flying Dove Transition House for abused women where she is interviewed by GAIA (60s), the South Asian manager. She explains that she needs a counselor to deprogram brainwashed women and convince them not to return to their abusers. The counselor will work with one woman at a time for one hour a day, and must complete the counseling in 6 days. Although Selma has never counseled abused women, she takes the job. After ELIZABETH (40s) White brainwashed physician, is scalded by her abusive husband, she flees to the transition house and becomes Selma’s first client.

The deprogramming begins. Gaia teaches Selma deprogramming techniques that are often used to free brainwashed followers from their cult leaders. Feigning experience, Selma lies to Elizabeth telling her that she, Selma, has seen this kind of counseling help other abused women. When she tries to counsel Elizabeth, she pushes back because she believes her husband is a good man and he is under her control. Their conflict increases when Elizabeth discovers Selma has lied. Day after day, Selma shows Elizabeth the techniques her abuser uses to control her, but she is too angry and suspicious to accept what Selma is saying. She struggles to regain Elizabeth’s trust, but it’s a no-go. Selma can’t break through. The pressure mounts as Elizabeth clings to the belief that she controls her husband. The sessions trigger flashbacks and nightmares of Selma’s abusive childhood and the flashbacks become more intense as the counseling continues. Unbeknownst to Selma, Elizabeth phones her husband, MARK (40s) White surgeon, every night. And every night he tries various forms of psychological abuse, including gaslighting, to lure her back. Elizabeth tries to stay away, but when he threatens to ruin her career, she decides she must return. Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that she could die, but she won’t listen. Selma offers her resignation because she believes she has failed both Elizabeth and Gaia. When Gaia can’t understand why the deprogramming didn’t work, Selma admits she lies when she feels insecure and she lied to Elizabeth. Selma accepts that her lie may cost Elizabeth’s life and says she wants to quit lying, but she doesn’t know how. She also states that she is plagued by guilt because she didn’t keep her abusive father from killing her mother. Selma tells Gaia the abusive childhood has left her with flashbacks and nightmares as well as a fear of men. Gaia suggests that Selma see a therapist and Selma agrees.

Gaia convinces Selma to try one last intervention with Elizabeth. Selma intercepts her as she leaves the transition house. Elizabeth breaks down and admits to herself and Selma that Mark controls every aspect of her life and she gave away her new-born baby because he convinced her that she was delusional. Mark shows up at the transition house with a gun and tries to force Elizabeth into his car. Facing her fear of men, Selma struggles with Mark. Gaia joins Selma and together they hold him off until the police arrive and arrest him. Five years later, Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Lora,

I missed you at Toastmasters.

I would like to connect with you but I don’t know what to do. My email is joanbutler357@gmail.com If you email me, I will have your email address.

I am not doing the rewrite classes right now. I am working on the Movie Stars course at the moment. I am also overwhelmed with things a home. Please don’t feel bad if I don’t talk to you at the moment.

I will be sending this note to other people who asked me to connect.

Take Care

Joan

[Joan Butler]

Hi Elizabeth,

I would like to connect but I don’t know what to do. My email is joanbutler357@gmail.com If you email me, I will have your email address.

I am not doing the rewrite classes right now. I am working on the Movie Stars course at the moment. I am also overwhelmed with things a home. Please don’t feel bad if I don’t talk to you at the moment.

I will be sending this note to other people who asked me to connect.

Take Care

Joan

[Joan Butler]

The more I think about psychologically manipulating her, the better it sounds.

[Joan Butler]

Thank you. I’ll think about that.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Lora,

What does it mean to have a connection or be connected?

[Joan Butler]

Hi Lora,

I’m doing a survey. My high concept is: What if a novice counselor has 6 days to save a woman from a husband who is brainwashing her? Should I put psychologically abusing her instead of brainwashing? I’m sure you’re busy. Thanks for your time and attention.

Joan

[Joan Butler]

Elizabeth arrives at the transition house after her husband throws the breakfast dishes at her. Glass lodges in her arm. Unbeknownst to Selma, the counselor, Elliz phones her husband every night and every night he gaslights her and uses other forms of manipulation on her.

[Joan Butler]

Thanks for the idea. He is abusing her but torturing might be too strong.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Christopher,

I’m doing a survey. My high concept is: What if a novice counselor has 6 days to save a woman from a husband who is brainwashing her? Should I put psychologically abusing her instead of brainwashing? I’m sure you’re busy. Thanks for your time and attention.

Joan

[Joan Butler]

My high concept is: What if a novice counselor has 6 days to save a woman from a husband who is brainwashing her? Should I put psychologically abusing her instead of brainwashing? I’m sure you’re busy. Thanks for your time and attention.

[Joan Butler]

My high concept is: What if a novice counselor has 6 days to save a woman from a husband who is brainwashing her? Should I put psychologically abusing her instead of brainwashing? I’m sure you’re busy. Thanks for your time and attention.

[Joan Butler]

I liked your pitch too. I joined today in hopes that I will get over some of my fear.

[Joan Butler]

Do you see this as animation or live? I would be great for kids and adults. (Teens might like it too as long as they watch it in private so they don’t get teased.)

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Joan Butler.

[Joan Butler]

Wow. What an amazing story.

[Joan Butler]

What genre would you put your story in?

[Joan Butler]

I don’t usually watch thrillers, but I would like to see this one.

[Joan Butler]

The funding for a counselor gets cut and she and her boss get fired.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Serita,

I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. I am not Jewish, but your story sounds very interesting. It is valid for anyone who has experienced prejudice in any form–racial, gender, handicapped etc. or been under the thumb of someone or something more powerful.

At the moment, I am rewriting my script for the Austin script competition. It may take another week.

How can I help?

PS I received your email. However, my email to you didn’t go through. If you want to continue communicating with me, please send me your email. Thanks.

Best,

Joan

[Joan Butler]

Hi Eclipse,

I now have a “producer”. Thanks.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Eclipse,

Could you please get back to me at joanbutler357@gmail.com?

I see you tried to get hold of me but I can’t figure out how to answer you. So sorry and thank you for trying.

Take Care.

Joan

[Joan Butler]

Sorry Eclipse,

I deleted your reply by accident. Could you please try again? Thanks.

Joan Butler

[Joan Butler]

Hi Eclipse,

Because of some confusion over the start date of this course, I am playing catch-up. I am looking for someone to play Producer. Since you probably have played writer, there is no need for you to do that unless you want more practice. Could you please let me know if you can or can not do this?

Thank-you for your time.

Joan Butler

[Joan Butler]

Hi Meg,

I now have a “producer”. Thanks.

[Joan Butler]

I have a “producer”. Thanks.

[Joan Butler]

Thanks. I like that one too.

[Joan Butler]

Bob–Wow! you not only created dialogue, you made it sound like Shakespeare. That’s amazing.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Eclipse.

Well done!

Interesting first page. Yes

Action delivers meaning as much as the dialogue does. Yes. The boys breaking things tells exactly how they feel about her and the store.

Suspense: I wondered what would happen next.

Intrigue: The idea of a witch trying to survive in a conservative town and how she is supported by the Council Universal Beings and a spiral of starry lights is intriguing.

Betrayal: I didn’t see any.

Predictions: Her use of the black Kali and the Council Universal Beings seem to foreshadow something.

Dilemma: This is very strong. She certainly has a dilemma. How will she keep her daughter and her shop safe when everyone is against her and her daughter is so fragile.

Unique character voices: I didn’t notice anything unique.

Ends with a cliff hanger: Yes. Will she give up? Stay tuned.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Eclipse,

Well done!

Your set-up was clear. You delivered on the genre. Quality of the writing:

Interesting first page. Yes

Action delivers meaning as much as the dialogue does. Yes. The boys breaking things tells exactly how they feel about her and the store.

Suspense: I wondered what would happen next.

Intrigue: The idea of a witch trying to survive in a conservative town and how she is supported by the Council Universal Beings and a spiral of starry lights is intriguing.

Betrayal: I didn’t see any.

Predictions: Her use of the black Kali and the Council Universal Beings seem to foreshadow something.

Dilemma: This is very strong. She certainly has a dilemma. How will she keep her daughter and her shop safe when everyone is against her and her daughter is so fragile.

Unique character voices: I didn’t notice anything unique.

Ends with a cliffhanger: Yes. Will she give up? Stay tuned.

Take Care.

[Joan Butler]

Hi,

Thanks for connecting with me.

My email is joanbutler357@gmail.com

[Joan Butler]

Hi Hope,

Due to some confusion about the start date of this class, I am playing catch-up. I am looking for a Producer. Since you have already gone through the process there would be no reason to do it again unless you want the practice. Could you please contact me at joanbutler357@gmail.com if you can or can not help me.

Thanks for your time and take care.

Joan

[Joan Butler]

Bob–I didn’t see my examples of irony either. I guess we are both blind as a bat. (a wooden one.)

[Joan Butler]

Hi Meg,

Due to some confusion over start dates, I am playing catch-up. I am looking for someone to play Producer. I expect you have already played Writer with someone else so there is no need to repeat that unless you want more practice. Could you please let me know if you can or can not do this? My email is joanbutler357@gmail.com

Thanks for your time and take care.

Joan Butler

[Joan Butler]

Bob–Me too.

[Joan Butler]

Bob–This is very clear. Did you know all the insights you wanted to deliver before you did this course?

[Joan Butler]

Hi,

Due to some confusion about the starting date of the course, I am playing catch-up.

Could we teem up for the first Producer interview? I live in Canada so a phone call may be difficult for you. However I don’t mind paying for my phone call if you prefer. I could also use skype. I look forward to hearing from you.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Joy,

I would like to connect with you but I have no idea how I can be of benefit to you. I wouldn’t want to waste your time. The only credibility I have is a “considered for semi-finalist” at Austin. I don’t do social networking yet but Stage 32 looks like it might be useful. I have no idea what a person is supposed to say in a linked in profile. If this looks like a mixed message, it is.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Vivien,

Thanks for the two “What I learned…” I’m going to keep them.

[Joan Butler]

Bob–I’m very touched by each of your New Ways. Thank-you.

[Joan Butler]

I notice your character’s old way was playing small. It made me think of a speech by Nelson Mandela. As I read it over, I thought it is something for me to remember as an aspiring screen writer:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are

powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness,

that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking

so that other people won’t feel

insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us. It’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we consciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

[Joan Butler]

Thanks Bob. This is a very clear summary.

[Joan Butler]

Chris–But you have all the jurors numbered. That’s something I couldn’t figure out.

[Joan Butler]

Bob–Very funny.

[Joan Butler]

From what I’ve read so far, I think you can definitely make that happen.

[Joan Butler]

Thanks. It’s not a story for everyone. Because of that, I think I may have a tough time getting it made.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Hope,

The bulldozers are coming. You have me on the edge of my seat. Does she save the donkeys and goats from the auction?

What is her disability?

[Joan Butler]

Hi Marilynne,

I would love to see this as a movie. Where did this story originate? Are you a nurse or a doctor?

[Joan Butler]

Hi Chris,

Well done. It’s so clear. What an interesting story.

[Joan Butler]

Bob–It works!

[Joan Butler]

Thanks Bob. That gives me more confidence. I was concerned that my script didn’t fit the pages. For instance, Selma receives the eviction notice on page 2.

[Joan Butler]

Chris–I like your image of Ken getting angry while doing the laundry. I’ve heard that most anger is about fear or pain.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Bob, I think the word Hal uses is relatability rather than reliability. In that case, Malvolio would be similar to the audience in some way in the first 30 minutes. However, I’m not sure that will work for your play.

[Joan Butler]

Thanks for the insight!

[Joan Butler]

I love your example of the cake. My cake never did come together so I made brownies instead.

[Joan Butler]

That’s a very interesting script. I look forward to seeing how it progresses.

[Joan Butler]

I liked how you summed up the requirements of a change agent. I copied them into my notes.

[Joan Butler]

It’s interesting how this course sparks new ideas. I like what you are thinking about the change agent.

[Joan Butler]

This may be your first draft but you have the whole story. The plight of the animals is very moving.

You might think about having a beaten or starving animal arrive at the farm. However, I would never want to see an animal harmed for the sake of a film.

[Joan Butler]

Now I see where you are coming from. No wonder you are asking about free will. The deprogramming that happens in the story takes place in a transition house where a woman can always leave anytime she wants and she can choose whether or not to receive counseling.

The script begins with this quote from the North Carolina Medical Journal

“To assert control, the abuser uses brainwashing tactics similar to those used on prisoners of war, hostages, or members of a cult.”

The deprogramming itself is a very simple concept. A woman can eat and sleep as much as she wants while the counselor takes her through a step by step process. First the woman is reminded who she was before she met her abuser, then the woman is presented with the negative characteristics of the abuser himself, and finally the woman is shown all the different ways he has used his power against her.

Thanks for being so interested. If you have more questions, please ask me.

[Joan Butler]

I wish I had seen your movie when I was 20. I had always wanted to be an actor/singer but my father convinced me to be a physiotherapist. Although I worked for many years and became a very good physio, I blamed him and myself for years.

[Joan Butler]

This message is for Marilynne and Bob. I have taken a number of these courses and I think this is the first time the participants have made so many positive comments. This is super! I will try to follow your lead.

[Joan Butler]

Thanks for the positivity. I just watched “The Banshees of Inisherin”. It’s up for Best Picture at the Oscars. It’s described as a black comedy. It’s bleak.

[Joan Butler]

Now that’s a film I’d like to see. 🙂

[Joan Butler]

You’re very kind. Thank you.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Marilynne,

Thanks for your interest. Pardon me as I climb on to my very high horse and please stop reading if it’s too much. I hope the following answers your question.

My truth is more closely related to ethics in that brainwashing is one of the main reasons abused women find safety then return to their abuser, on average, 7 times before they are able to leave permanently. I believe, deprogramming can reduce that number, if not eliminate it completely and I think it’s unethical for transition houses not to offer this on-site.

Not only would it reduce the risk of further abuse to these women, it would also free up transition house beds that are now taken by women who return to transition houses again and again. If a woman flees then returns 7 times, over time, she takes up 7 beds. (I tried to count that on my fingers so please forgive me if I’m wrong.) If she only took up 1 bed, there would be room for 6 more women. Can you imagine what a difference that would make, not only to the women, but to how the funding could be spent?

[Joan Butler]

Thank-you Joy. That means a lot to me.

Take good care of yourself.

[Joan Butler]

That would be great. If you don’t have time next week, just do it when you can. If you could give me your email address, I will send mine along sometime next week.

[Joan Butler]

Hi Ann,

I tried to get it for you, but I am blocked from that site because I completed that assignment and have moved to the other assignments. If you contact Cheryl through her email, she may be able to help.

Take care,

Joan Butler

joanbutler357@gmail.com

[Joan Butler]

Hi Terry,

I hope this gets to you. I just read your 1 page. I gave it a thumbs up. I was touched by the emotions in your story. This is something my script needs.

Take care.

Joan