[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Career Plan – Day 12

There are seven important elements and paths to our career growth. The more we apply them, the sooner we will realize our goals.

1. Please tell us the answers to these questions about your next six months of activity:

A. What is your overall screenwriting goal for the next six months?

First, I will finish my script, then reach out to PS80 members who are interested in critiquing it, and I will critique theirs. I will rewrite my second draft and reach out to another PSA writer, rinse and repeat. Until my script is ready for a script consultant.

B. What are you going to do to elevate quality?

I will go through the Mastery Skill Sheets and make sure I have most of the elements in my script. Also, using Hal’s suggestions, I will follow these wise rules:

– Philosophy Tip #8: Kaizen: 1% Improvement Per Day = 365% Per Year.
– Use T.O.T.E (Day 11 — Test, Operate, Test, Exit.) on your screenwriting to improve quality.

C. How are you going to build a library of marketable scripts?

With the ones I’ve already written, I’ll take a look at those to rewrite, or start a new script testing its High Concept capability before starting. Creating marketing materials as I go, including logline, query letter, and phone pitch. I will pitch my biggest hook when asked.

D. What do you think might be your specialty (brand)?

Female societal challenges and discrimination.

E. How are you going build a stronger network?

PSA network, Twitter, LinkedIn, query letter (when ready) to Producers in my script’s genre from Wikipedia and imdb. Potential ‘fan’ level that can recommend my work to ‘champions’.

– Become an active part of the ProSeries Alumni and contribute to the success of our PSA.
– Use Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn to network with screenwriters and producers.
– Focus on small producers who have made movies or have connections to larger producers.
– With each marketing campaign, add the producers who respond to my network.
– Participate in the Buzz Process each time a PSA writer is promoted.

F. How are you going to improve your understanding of doing this business?

By doing. I’ll take action daily to achieve it. Post it on the wall. Imagine it, feel it, and live it every day.

Learn how deals are made, including the main way writers make money – through sales, adaptations, rewrites, and writing assignments.

Learn what agents, managers, and producers need and how do they work with writers

Learn what works in meetings, on the phone, and how do things work for the production companies

THEN:

Learn what has already been done in my genre and market, what is currently happening in my market, who are the champions in my market, and who are the potential fans I can network with that can recommend my writing to champions?

WHEN MEETING WITH A COMPANY:

Be prepared, armed with their company information:
What movies have they done? What can be learned about them, what are they involved in right now by searching the trades.

G. How are you going to market yourself and your writing?
By writing one or more high quality scripts and having a couple great concepts I can seek out a Manager. For Producers, it doesn’t matter how many scripts I’ve written. If the Producer likes my script, it is possible to become a writer for hire.

Doing continual marketing campaigns will serve to build my reputation and create relationships. Which can further the possibility that I could be recommended to the champions they know.

And with any kind of a deal (option, sale, writing assignment, or representation), I will do the Buzz Process to create a record on the Net from a 3rd party (ScreenwritingU) so a Google search of my name shows I am a professional screenwriter.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi knows T.O.T.E. – Day 11

Don’t go for fast, go for smart. Use one skill mastery at a time to elevate the quality of the script. Use T.O.T.E. to improve and elevate the quality of the script by testing. Do the work that others aren’t willing to do to be looked at as a professional.

1. Look into the future and tell us how you are going to use the TOTE Process with…

a. TOTE with my script: I will ask a PSA writer for feedback, improve my script, send to script consultants and/or contests, and then send to Producers when all tests prove it is ready to send.

b. For query letters: I will reach out to PSA writers for feedback, and aim for as much ‘white space’ and hooks as possible in my query letter.

c.
Building my network: Once my script is TOTE
ready, I’m going to do the exercises in this module for building a Twitter
profile and also search wikipedia and imdb for producers and
second/third/fourth degrees of separation of films with the same elements and
genre as my script and send my query letter to them. I’m also considering writing this script in book form to make a
blog out of it to generate interest.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Query Letter Draft TWO

Getting the query letter to be as short as possible and make sure there is mostly white space is really challenging. I had the cart before the horse. I listened to the call last after doing my query assignments. I had some ‘Eureka’ moments though during the call and thanks to a couple of members feedback I feel this draft is much better than my first draft. I’m going to try to cut at least one more sentence each in the explanation parts. It is challenging though.

Subject line: Drama, UNDUE BURDEN

Hi (Producer’s first name)

Inspired by real events, these situations are currently happening around the country.

Many insecure men who fear their power is being taken over by women, vote to take women’s rights away to their bodies. To gain this control, being reminiscent of Nazi Germany, they prompt spies in their state by pitting neighbor against neighbor and friends against friends with an attractive bounty of 10,000 dollars a head suing anyone helping a woman have an abortion. It is open season against women as equals, and pregnant women and girls.

Pam, a small town Police Officer fights this war on women by running against the state’s Governor.

With the SB8 Heartbeat abortion ban in place, the foster system is overburdened and the welfare system is overwhelmed with the abundance of parentless children. Debilitating stage fright aside, Pam campaigns against the Governor in the upcoming election to reverse this nightmare of injustices. One bereaved Mother creates her own system of justice by starting a well-organized theft ring of retribution against these Bounty Hunters.

Pam intends to take the shackles of control off of women as baby-makers; a catapult back from the dark ages.

If you like the concept of UNDUE BURDEN, I’ll be happy to send you the script.

Thank you,

Jodi

BIO: I
had a script place as a quarter-finalist in Scriptapalooza

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Jodi Harrison.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Query letter – Draft THREE

On the Subject line: Drama, UNDUE BURDEN

Hi (Producer’s first name)

Inspired by real events, these situations are currently happening around the country.

Reminiscent of Nazi Germany, insecure men who fear their power is being taken over by women enact laws to take their reproductive rights away to their bodies. To gain this control they encourage spies in their state with an enticing bounty of 10,000 dollars per head, pitting neighbors and friends against each other, to sue anyone helping a woman have an abortion. It is open season against women as equals, and pregnant women and girls.

Pam, a small town Police Officer fights this war on women by running against the state’s Governor.

With the SB8 Heartbeat abortion ban in place, the foster system is overburdened and the welfare system is overwhelmed with the abundance of parentless children. Debilitating stage fright aside, Pam campaigns against the Governor in the upcoming election to reverse this nightmare of injustices. One bereaved Mother creates her own system of justice by starting a theft ring of retribution against these Bounty Hunters.

Pam intends to take the shackles of control off of women as baby makers; to catapult back from the dark ages.

If you like the concept of UNDUE BURDEN, I’ll be happy to send you the script.

Thank you,

Jodi

BIO: I had a script place as a quarter finalist in Scriptapalooza

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Query Letter – Day 9

In learning how to write a query it seemed difficult to do. But, I think with practice it will be much easier to write. The shorter the better. That will be my goal. I really appreciate the breakdown we were presented.

What do insecure males do when they’re losing their power to women? They vote to take their rights to their bodies away of course; rule over them, put women in a place of subserviency. Back to the dark ages we go!

These situations are true and happening around the country in many states as we speak.

Reminiscent of Nazi German, a southern state prompts spies by pitting neighbor against neighbor and friends against friends. The prize? 10,000 dollars a head for suing anyone helping a woman have an abortion. It is open season against pregnant women and girls. Even eleven and twelve year old girls don’t escape this cruel assault on females. Impregnated by their dads, brothers, uncles or family ‘friends’, these babies are housed until they deliver their ‘own’ babies.

From the moment Karen, a young teen, walked out of the state regulated reproductive clinic, she had a 10,000. dollar bounty on her head.

With the state abortion ban in place, the foster system is overburdened and busting at the seams, and the welfare system is overwhelmed with the abundance of parentless children. Knowing this, debilitating stage fright aside, Pam decides to run against the Governor of this state in the upcoming election to fight these injustices, and fight against the attacks on women’s civil rights and the stripping of their freedom of reproductive choice.

Karen’s Mother, Elizabeth, starts a well-organized stalking ring of retribution against Bounty Hunters.

Can Pam win the Governorship and begin to reverse the nightmare of this war on women? She is determined to do so, even if it kills her.

If you like the concept, I’ll be happy to send you the script. I can be contacted through my email at:

and also feel free to give me a call at:

Thank you,

Jodi Harrison

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi has Lots of Hooks” – Day 8

I listed what I think are the hooks. It was a good exercise in learning how to drill down to the highlights, and what turned out to be some of the most important parts of the script.

Lead Characters:

Pam Karras: 2, 7, 12

Elizabeth Bailey: 13

Chad Babbitt, Governor: 11, 17, 18

1. A young teen is stalked for the 10k price on her head when she walks out of the state regulated reproductive clinic.

2. Our lead character, Pam, takes it upon herself to fight against the attacks on women’s civil rights and the stripping of their freedom of choice.

3.. Pam has to fight the power structure that has recently been embedded in the Police department to be granted valid forensic investigations. Where does it stem from? Why are her hands tied when it comes to investigating crimes against women?

4. Another lead character, Elizabeth, is up against the same wall when she tries to find answers to her Daughter’s death and why is she being virtually ignored by the Police Department.

5. Pam and her husband Elias find imbalances of state financial help for women forced to bring babies to term. Where are the state funds going if not to needy, impoverished families?

6. Veronica, a college bound young lady finds out she is pregnant. Will she have to go it alone or will her boyfriend step up as a man and share her new burden in this state that bans abortion.

7. Pam’s Father, a religious man, says “We’ll pray for these young ladies, but it is God’s will”. Pam is furious at her Father’s lack of dealing with the new reality these women are forced to live in this state that attacks a woman’s right to choose what happens to their own bodies.

8. The old way of housing unwanted children; Orphanages, has circled back around again to becoming the new way of housing, as there aren’t enough private homes to provide for all the parentless children. The foster system is overburdened and busting at the seams.

9. Pam goes to a child’s protection home where eleven and twelve year old girls are housed who are pregnant and are also mandated by the state to full term. These babies were impregnated mostly by their dads, some from brothers, uncles, family ‘friends’.

10. Chad, the Governor is related to Crusher, the Bounty Hunter, who killed the young teen.

11. As misogynistic and controlling as the Governor is about banning abortion of all women, his Daughter finds herself in the situation of needing one.

12. The attacks and financial devastation the Governor and his cohorts have caused women, brings Pam to declare she will run against him in the next election. Now she has to get over her stage fright.

13. In order to save herself and feel she has found some justice for her dead Daughter, Elizabeth starts a well-organized stalking ring attacking Bounty Hunters.

14. Pam has her Daughter help her build a website to organize funding and help women get abortions in other states.

15. Veronica’s Mom is sued by her next door neighbor, a Bounty Hunter for 10k, when she tries to help her Daughter get an abortion.

16. Veronica is arrested for having an abortion in another state. The charge: Murder. Which brings the death penalty.

17. A newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate in their state, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on the Governor’s watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite. It is clearly fear of white males losing their power to women that brings him and his legislators to reduce women to be third class citizens to be ruled over…no longer equals. It is all about assaulting women and taking away their power and dehumanizing them. The waged war on women.

18.
Taking cues out of the defeated Trump’s playbook, the Governor does
everything he can to keep his power, but as the same with Trump, the truth
proves him a liar. Pam wins the
election for the Governorship and begins to reverse the nightmare of this war
on women.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Logline and One-Sentence Phone Pitch

With enough thought of the hooks, breaking down loglines to as short of a sentence as possible, it becomes more powerful than to put in lots of detail. It was a bit hard at first but after trying different combinations, it definitely reads better than what I had before.

1. Write a logline for your screenplay for each of the 3 formulas:

1. Protagonist (has problem) and (must achieve goal) to solve that problem.
A career cop sees women’s rights being attacked and reversed in her state, so she challenges the seat of the current conservative Governor in the upcoming Gubernatorial election.

2. Protagonist has (a goal) but (major obstacle) stands in his/her way.

A career cop fights for protecting women’s reproductive rights but it is an uphill battle as the Governor and his male majority legislators continue to write new laws serving to diminish women’s rights further.

3. (Situation) causes (main character) to face (largest obstacle) and (outcome).
The stripping of women’s rights in her state motivates a career cop to run against and unseat the conservative Governor, her goal is to reverse the damage and destruction the Governor inhumanely has caused his female citizens.

2. Write a one-sentence phone pitch for your screenplay. First tell us the biggest hook and then incorporate it into your one-sentence pitch.

The biggest hook is my protagonist challenging the Governor of her state in the upcoming Gubernatorial election.

One sentence pitch: A
career cop must challenge the Governor’s seat and win to save women’s
reproductive rights in her state where they are willing to give women the death
penalty who abort an embryo.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Network – Day 4

I learned that this is a systematic way of building a network. It is a methodical way to approach a list for a more favorable outcome.

1. answer these questions:

Who do you know inside the ProSeries and SU Alumni? People I’m exchanging drafts with: Elizabeth, Richard, Michelle

Who do you know in other writing groups?: It’s been too long to remember
Who do you know in Industry groups?: Lost a lot of contact info other than Stefanie and Doug
Who have you worked with on a movie? It’s been too long, misplaced this contact info
Who do you know who knows someone inside the industry? Michella
Who are you connected to on Twitter, Facebook, or LinkedIn that knows someone? I only use LinkedIn for my biz stuff. FB for personal stuff. I don’t like Twitter’s platform, but I know that’s the place to be for the industry, so I need to embrace it.

2. Now, categorize them:

C1: Friends: Suz, Ryan, Stefanie, Tammy, Paul,

C2: ProSeries: Elizabeth, Michelle, Richard

C3: Production Co.: Michella, Doug,

C4: VP Production of network/friend: Mark, various cards I saved of Producers from seminars, events

3
“What potential do you already see in your network?” I am mixed about approaching my VP friend, I
don’t know if that’ll be crossing the friendship line. My non-industry friends love to read the
scripts. I can see where I have a lot
of room for growth in building my lists.
I did save a lot of old contacts from years ago, but don’t really know
where those lists are. So, I’m looking
forward in learning how to build these lists from scratch.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Marketing Campaign – Day 3

It takes some thought, tactics and strategies to build a campaign. Stick by it. Do at least one thing each day from your campaign, if it’s not working, shake it up a bit, there are plenty more ideas in this assignment to mix around and try.

1. My main goal in my overall Campaign is:

To secure the sell of my script and to find a Manager.

2. Make a list of your main strategies:

I’d get script coverage first to make sure it’s industry ready.

Target small Producers that have connections with large producers.

Target Managers

I can recirculate my short that I wrote, directed and produced for festivals.

3. Make a list of tactics that fit your strategies and campaign:

To contact via query letters listed Producers with similar films through Wikipedia, imdb, et al

Same track and contact for my top Actress picks (the Producers that worked with them)

Use blasting services for Managers, but mostly Producers

Submit to posts for open writing gigs that are looking for elements like my script from sites like ISA

Respond to Craig’s list for writing gigs to network

When/If in LA: I’ll attend an industry event again. WGA events used to be amazing. Producers gave of their time on a one on one before the events got too big with too many attendees.

When/If in LA: if ScreenwritingU has a Hollywood event, I would be most interested in attending these.

When/If in LA: Volunteering at events is a very good idea to meet industry people-Maybe AFM in November.

I’ll enter the top contests. Or the ones that are supposed to give traction.

I’d find Producers on LinkedIn in the genre and specific target that I need

I have saved contact names, political groups, and reproductive groups that I will also reach out to.

I want the reproductive groups to read the script.

I’d consider a pitchfest

Maybe eventually use ImdbPro (it’s expensive, so I’ll try other options first)

Maybe down the line:

Creating a teaser video or sizzle reel is a good idea for youtube etc, but costly

The graphic novel for the pitch is also a good idea

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Target Market – Day 2

This is a great way to target Producers that deal specifically with your subject matter, and that is the best place to start reaching out.

Title either: Heartbeat OR Undue Burden

Drama

One Governor illegally violates the constitutional rights of the women of his state by pitting neighbors as spies and bounty hunters against any woman who wants an abortion. One woman challenges his seat to overturn this savage attack on women’s reproductive rights and the financial devastation of the state and the poor, that this man has caused.

1. Make a list of five or more movies that are similar to yours and five actors that you might want to play your lead characters.

Movies:

If these walls could talk, The Contender, Head of State, The Surrogate, Vera Drake, Grandma

Lead Actor:

Sandra Bullock, Halle Berry, Renee Zellweger, Eva Mendes, Zoe Saldana, Reese Witherspoon

2. Using the Targeting process above, go to imdb and find 20 to 100 producers for your specific project.

1. Cher, 2. Demi Moore, 3. Suzanne Todd, 4. Martin Ganz, 5. Doris Kirch, 6. Laura Greenlee, 7. Michael Rotenberg
8. Chris Rock, 9. Ali LeRoi, 10. Marc Frydman, 11. Douglas Urbanski, 12. Willi Baer, 13. James Spies, 14. Jonathan Blitstein

15. Julie Christeas, 16. Taylor Hess, 17. Terry Dougas, 18. Paris Kasidokostas-Latsis, 19. Andrew Miano, 20. Paul Weitz

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Project and Market – Day 1

1. Give us the logline for your story and the genre.

Drama

One Governor illegally violates the constitutional rights of the women of his state by pitting neighbors as spies and bounty hunters against any woman who wants an abortion. One woman challenges his seat to overturn this savage attack on women’s reproductive rights and the financial devastation of the state and the poor, that this man has caused.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

My story is Timely.

It is something that needs the country’s attention and activism. There are more pro-choice citizens in this nation and yet, since there are more pro-life legislatures (mostly white males that still we females have to acquiesce to, they still have our fate in their misogynistic hands btw), they are overturning and ignoring what their constituents put them in office for. It wasn’t to make women second class citizens, hell we haven’t even had the ERA entered into the Constitution yet. The clocks of time are turning back for women. It is going back to the dark ages. 1922 or 2022?….It all depends on who you ask!?

3. Tell us which you will target first — agent, manager, producer, or actor and how your script fits what they need and want.

The only thing I know is it wouldn’t be smart to target an Agent. After reading the article “the mind of the Studio Exec” the reality is my script is very risky in the fact that it is controversial subject matter. And even though more than half of the country is pro-choice, many people don’t like these kinds of films. Also, with the risky aspect; It is a timely script, it’s window of time being within six months (the supreme court decision coming up) to possibly two years out (appeal process), it is not one that would get a pitch request in less than a minute without a name actor attached. So, I would think the smartest thing to do would be to find a bankable actor to pique interest of the exec. I don’t know what the return of investment would be if it were to be marketed. So, an Actor, Manager or Producer. I clearly don’t know which would be best to do first for my project.

4. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?” I remember this lesson in the beginning and
I’m glad we revisited it. I learned not
to go to an Agent. You have to be
already be established and working in the industry for them to be
interested. With a Manager you need to
be able to be flexible and be open to assignments, etc. Studios are for the big tent pole pics that
Agents work on.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Rules! – Day 6

Ways to tighten up your ending.

RULE 5. Don’t go On-The-Nose.

As has been stated by a couple other members already, I have also worked on many scenes for my script throughout this program as has been instructed, but have not completed my script. But I will make sure that when I do complete my script I will steer clear of any ‘On the nose’ dialogue, as best I can.

RULE 6. The climax of the movie must be set in the quintessential location for the conflict:

The setting for the night of the election is in the Grand Ballroom at the Convention center.

RULE 7. Must keep us guessing to the very end.
The Governor loses but refuses the outcome saying the election was rigged

At the ball The Governor shows faked video of team Karras attacking ballot boxes stealing ballots and attacking voters.

They boo and hiss at her. She crumbles feeling hated. She is escorted out of the building in her beautiful ball gown. Very Unlike Cinderella.

The next day she gets an investigative team on
the job and once the farce is proven to be a fake and most people calm down and
judge accordingly Pam is given her rightful place as Governor, but the Governor’s
base continues to believe him, the damage he did is done.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Powerful Setups – Day 5

This adds more ways to end the story. It helps with the set ups to build to the end scene.

A. Build their Reputation:

Pam’s reputation builds when she is trying to organize help for women to have abortions in other states. She sets up a statewide network of volunteers for this purpose. She calls the Governor out on irresponsible state spending, controlling female reproductive rights. She also had challenged him on air.

B. Justification for the final actions:
Pam asks each woman to get brave and vote their heart not their vow. Their vote is private, it is not meant to be shared with their husbands. This helps a lot of the already oppressed women.

C. Cast doubt on the success of the final actions:

The Governor raves that the election was rigged and stolen and that he won, much like a child not getting his way. The Karras team cheated he rants. He demands a recount. He is proven to be a poor sore loser who never learned good manners, and never retracts his condemnations. Pam being a better person ignores his bad behavior instead of suing him for defamation of character.

D. Discuss the final actions openly:

Ashley Lee gives Pam information to bribe the Governor with but she doesn’t use it. She instead works on uncovering his covert operation that has a Karras impersonation team attacking polling drop boxes and intimidating people at the polls.

E. Twists that take it away:

Pam’s Husband and Father are harassed and lose their livelihoods because of the Governor. Later, it appears the Karras van crashes into the ballot drop boxes, also it appears the Karras team harasses voters standing in line to vote. This is televised early in the morning.

F. Alternate Hope/fear:

Chloe gets attacked by Lieutenant Salt which was orchestrated by the Governor as a warning to back out of the race, Pam goes to the Police Chief to file a complaint (hope), she is told by Salt, it will stricken from the record and her husband will be targeted (fear).

Pam annihilates the Governor on the talk show (hope), he gets his revenge by spreading lies while campaigning that she is the one attacking the bounty hunters (fear), and goes after her father’s congregation.

G. Create and pay off emotional setups:

When Pam wins women instantly know they have
their freedom of choice back which creates jubilance for so many. Pam’s Dad finally comes to her and accepts
her for who she is and is proud of her.

H. Suspense around the outcome:
Pam wins the election but the Governor calls foul and will not accept the
outcome, he cries like a baby that he is the actual winner. He demands a recount. In the meantime he brings forth video
recordings of a van that appears to be from the Karras campaign that has broken
into numerous ballot boxes and attacked many voters at local polling precincts. Of course later findings proved this was
staged by the Governor trying to frame her.
The recounts later also claim not only is she the winner but the count
was indeed off, she actually had three hundred more votes than previously counted
(from the attacked ballot boxes).

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Kick Ass endings! – Day 4

By trying to think outside the box I realized I thought of some more ideas I could incorporate into my script that were not too far off base.

The Ultimate Confrontation:

Pam has proof of the Governor’s underhandedness and proves it on air in front of all who are viewing. She also holds the thugs who were being paid to take the ballots from the drop boxes driving a ‘Karras for Governor van’. They tell firsthand how they were hired by an agent, not by the Karras campaign. They were contracted to drive the van. She also interviews the Secretary of State to see why booths were reduced to two in many locations, making many of the poorer constituents wait for hours to vote. She wins the election. He is arrested on air.

Return Home, Only it is Different:

Pam’s Dad decides that he is going to forgive his Daughter for believing differently than he and the rest of the family and congregation. She feels she doesn’t need to be forgiven. She doesn’t see her Father is the same loving light she once did before.

End with a Future:

Veronica asks if she can volunteer with Pam at the administration offices while she attends law school.

Major Layer Uncovered:

Lieutenant Salt could be the eyes and ears of the Governor throughout the story. I have him as being contracted by the Governor once he feels threatened enough but I can put him incorporate him more in the story with this structure.

Good Guy Wins after Much Pain and Risk:

Pam’s parents disown her, her friend Chloe gets attacked, she gets reprimanded for taking matters into her own hands, she makes a fool of herself on live television…. continually, the Governor has accused her of hurting the bounty hunters (even though she’d like too, she is innocent of this accusation). She has been set up as rigging the election in her favor, which she will also prove her innocence with. Her husband loses his state contract job, and her Father loses his congregation because of her. She eventually wins out.

Great Protagonist Strategy:

Pam has their shared make up artist, Ashley Lee, wire up the Governor and admit his underhandedness on audio for all to hear on air. She also has gorgeous male trans cops working with her who help with the thugs who took the ballots from the drop boxes that were driving a ‘Karras for Governor van’. They were able to get a confession right away. Pam also interviews the Secretary of State to see why booths were reduced to two in many locations, making many of the poorer constituents wait for hours to vote. But Pam challenges the Secretary of State asking why it is illegal that they cannot eat or drink while waiting in these long lines, is this not America? The Secretary of State vehemently denies voters not being able to have access to food and water. Pam challenges this and sends people to each voting precinct with the long lines with both. She wins the election. The Governor is arrested on air.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Three Endings – Day 3

By doing this exercise it helped me figure out different ways to find more twists and interesting endings. After reading the other endings posted it seemed the most interesting endings were the ironic ones. I came up with some ideas here but I’m going to give this exercise more thought and workouts later as well.

UP ENDING:

– Beginning of third act: Pam finds out that her partner Lieutenant Miller attacked her friend Chloe, but she doesn’t know why yet.

– Twist: Pam gets a warning in the mail that it will be public information that her Dad went awol and he’ll lose his congregation if she doesn’t back off from the governorship.

– Twist: Pam still can’t get her Dad to talk to her.

– Crisis: She wants to help save her Dad’s church and be a part of her family’s life again, but she also wants to help save women and children from certain poverty and abuses living under the reproductive ban that is currently in place.

– Climax: As is with the statistics that reflect the general population of the country, the people vote her to replace the Governor and her speech guarantees them that she will start immediate reversal procedures on SB8.

– Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both: Pam got both. Pam, her husband, Daughter and friends celebrate the reinstatement of the constitutional reproductive rights of all women therefore reversing the directive to bear unwanted forced babies from living a life of misery in the foster systems, and at the same time saving the state billions of dollars that go directly into these systems annually. Also, Pam’s Parents learned how to love her unconditionally.

DOWN ENDING:

– Beginning of third act: Pam finds out that her partner Lieutenant Miller attacked her friend Chloe, but she doesn’t know why yet.

– Twist: Pam is told by one of the regional Elders that her Father has lost his church and she is directly to blame for going up against their Governor.

– Twist: The judgment has come down that Pam’s husband has lost his state contract, he and his employees must evacuate the premises immediately.

– Crisis: She wants to help save her Dad’s church and be a part of her family’s life again and call the Governor out for tampering with her husband’s business, she also wants to help save women and children from certain poverty and abuses living under the reproductive ban that is currently in place.

– Climax: She is so busy trying to make things right for her Dad and husband for the problems that she caused them, that she put her constituents on the back burner which cost her the votes needed to win the election, which was exactly the strategy that the Governor was counting on to remain in office. He wins the election but Pam prevails in being successful in getting her Dad and husband both new hearings based on facts not strong arming from the Governor’s office.

– Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both: Pam did what she thought was right. She could have ruined two innocent lives for her own goals. For the cost of many lives though is something she has to live with.

IRONIC ENDING:

– Beginning of third act: Pam finds out that her partner Lieutenant Miller attacked her friend Chloe, but she doesn’t know why yet.

– Twist: The morning of the election the Governor proclaims on television that if he loses then there is voter fraud going on somewhere in the state.

– Twist: A ‘Team Karras’ van is recorded rolling up to several remote drop boxes, breaking in them and taking the ballots out of them, and driving off with them. These are uploaded onto Alex Jones website.

– Twist: There is wide spread intimidation at the poles. In the very rural areas of the state some lines are long because polling places have been eliminated. Pam has a counterattack for this. Some polls have only two booths in them which creates more long lines and back up.

– Crisis: Pam is accused of tampering with the election and the Governor wants her to be eliminated from the vote. She must prove her innocence.

– Climax: Pam wins the election, the Governor is not a gentleman, he does not shake hands with the winner, but instead demands a recount.

– Whether the Protagonist got their goal, need, neither, or both: Pam does get her goal and is able to reinstatement the constitutional reproductive rights of all women therefore reversing the directive to bear unwanted forced babies from living a life of misery in the foster systems, and at the same time saving the state billions of dollars that go directly into these systems annually. Pam’s parents never agreed with her stance on the right for a person to choose what they do with their own body.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s 3rd Act Structure – Day 2

It makes you sort through what’s important and how to cut through and get to the important things at hand.

1. What is it that fascinates you about this story?

It fascinates me how many people try to control the reproduction rights of women, even if it causes suffering and destruction. Don’t tread on me.

I can go into a much more in-depth answer about this, but I know we’re only supposed to keep it to one sentence.

2. What is the main conflict of the story?

Pam sees the hypocrisy of many people. She’s the little guy fighting the system even though the real statistics are that the majority of people in this country want some form of pro-choice, but very aggressive legislatures in states like Texas are creating systems that are turning citizens against each other in order to ban female reproductive rights.

3. What is the main goal/need of your protagonist?

Pam wants to win the election to start reversing the destruction the ban has caused for hundreds of thousands of children and women and the abuse, neglect and poverty it has catapulted onto them. Of course white males are doing better than anyone in any other demographic in the country as they have held on to their superiority and power for the time being by creating this law. She also needs to be accepted again into her family. She has a very different religious belief than they do, but that should not separate them.

4. What is the character arc of your main characters?

Pam Karras: Learns how to take public command. She has always cared about others, but has found convenient ways to walk away because it’s been too difficult to stand up and be in the spot-light to be grilled or favored. She learns how to do this, and that she won’t die if people don’t like what she has to say. She also learns how to be more respectful of hearing others speaking, she wasn’t very good at that before.

Elizabeth Bailey: Learned how to be strong. She finally found her voice with her support group and a way to heal. She realized the road she took was the wrong one, once knowing that, she freed herself up to finding better ways to live and work with her pain of the loss of her Daughter.

Thomas Welles: Learned how to accept his Daughter with her differences. He was tested as a Pastor with a lamb closest to him in his flock. She strayed. He let her. He found his crook. They found each other again.

5. How do you want this movie to end?

I’m actually still tossed about this one. On one hand I want Pam to win the Governorship by a landslide which shows ‘hope’ to women of this nation that their reproductive rights will not be tampered with, messed with, taken away by (mostly) white conservative men (Supreme Court, Senate, State Legislatures). On the other hand, in these bible belt states the conservatives usually win, so maybe I should have Pam lose and some how have some form of greater activism waiting for her. Or, the ebb and flow of underhanded and diabolical unethical voting shenanigans and she wins by a razor thin edge. I’m still sitting on the fence on this.

B. Give a short description of how each of these structural steps will occur in your script.

1. PLOT POINT 2 — Pam’s Dad’s conscientious objector status is threatened to be exposed.

2. CRISIS — She wants to help her Dad but also wants to fight for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight for all women of the nation.

3. CLIMAX — Shenanigans behind the scenes at local voting booths. Tallies are off. Recounts are demanded. Pam’s Dad is with his Daughter to support her, not his beloved Governor in the end.

4. RESOLUTION —
Pam wins the election, everyone is happy.
Chloe and John hook up and Thomas has his congregation back.

5. FINAL PAGE — The Governor’s Daughter Madison exits a care
clinic looking forlorn, bounty hunters start stalking her.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Great Ending – Day 1

WHAT I LEARNED:

It’s not one I’ve seen previously, I sought a movie with a traditional three act structure free on Roku. Watching the last thirty minutes first revealed conclusions. Going back and watching the film from the beginning revealed the setups that made those conclusions clear.

This movie was based on a true story, which I tend to find more interesting than narratives, so the ending was more factual than emotional. The names of the roles are the same of the real people, some of the roles are characterized for comedy. Some small situations are made up but for the most part, a lot of the movie is true. Even when Ghantt is dancing a jig on the videotape after stealing the money, you would think, no one is that stupid…yep, that stupid! In actuality they were really dumb leaving three million and three of the videotapes behind in the abandoned van, which identified him immediately.

Many times fantasy can be less cruel than reality. In this situation, the true reality was when David Ghantt started to run out of cash in Mexico and turned to Steve Chambers (one of his partners in crime) for more of the stolen money, Chambers became annoyed by his request and decided to solve the problem by putting a hit on Ghantt.

Once the hitman Steve Chambers had hired arrived in Mexico, he found that he couldn’t bring himself to kill Ghantt. Instead, the two started hanging out on the beach together and became friends. In the movie, the hitman thinks Ghantt is his long lost Brother.

In reality, they were all arrested in March 1998, the FBI traced a call from Ghantt’s phone and he was arrested in Mexico. Chambers, his wife, and several of their accomplices were arrested the next day.

MOVIE:

MASTERMINDS – Based on a true story of the Loomis Fargo Heist of 1997

BASIC STORY UP TO THE 3^RD ACT:

Kelly Campbell is sizing David Ghantt up to see if he’d be open to robbing money from the security company. He clearly lets her know that it is like stealing from a federal government as this money belongs to the banks.

She asks him to think about it.

We see what a bungler he is. He can’t shoot at all and shoots himself in the behind when for some dumb reason tries to hold his pistol in his belt behind him grazing his behind. He’s not dealing with a full deck. The perfect opportunity for Kelly.

SETUPS IN FIRST TWO ACTS:

OPEN:

David Ghantt shows himself to be a loser, who falls in love at first site with Kelly Campbell, even though David has a fiance. He craves adventure in his life. He sees that in Kelly. It is a marriage of convenience for both.

SETUP:

Kelly was fired and fell in with a bad crowd, namely an old friend Steven Eugene Chambers, who is a petty thief. While loafing around one afternoon they see on the news that Philip Johnson, a Loomis Fargo Security Guard, accused of stealing 20 million dollars was arrested. Philip robbed from the Jacksonville Florida location before fleeing to Mexico. The robbery was the largest in US history at that time. One of their cohorts says “I guess we gotta rob a bank if we want to get to the big show”. Which gives Steven the idea.

SETUP:

Steve talks Kelly into setting David up to rob for them. Ghantt is on the fence about this so Kelly uses her feminine wiles to seal the deal. They start his amateur training.

SETUP:

David steals the money accidentally leaving a videotape behind, the FBI finds it. In the true story they left three behind in the abandoned van.

SETUP:

Steve has Kelly give David a wallet that has a fake I.D. and a real birth certificate in it of a hit man that Steve knows.

Steve tries to talk Kelly into turning David into the FBI at the same time Interpol actually finds David in Mexico, but misses him. David lucks out and sees a wanted poster of himself and takes off in an unsuspecting boat.

Steve and his wife are blowing it by not laying low and by calling attention to themselves by buying extravagantly. It started with a blouse and quickly turned into a mansion.

SETUP:

David calls Kelly and tells her there is no more money left, the only thing left in the wallet is the I.D., the Birth Certificate and a gym membership for a person named Steve Chambers. Kelly is surprised when she hears David say that name. Steve is behind her and surmises the meaning. He puts a hit out on David by Michael McKinney, the guy on the I.D.

The hit man finds David in Mexico, he is a comical character who loves the chase.

David finds out that Kelly used him to rob the money for them. He tells her off, how manipulative and what a user she is. He is devastated.

TWIST (EARLIER SETUP):

The Assassin takes David hostage and then by looking through the wallet given David earlier (by Kelly) finds out the hostage has the same name. Coincidence? No. Happy mistake. The I.D. in the wallet is the hit man’s but neither man realizes it. The hit man assumes they were born in the same hospital, the same day, at the same time. Twins!

THIRD ACT POINTS:

3^rd ACT TURNING POINT:

Kelly Campbell is being questioned by the FBI if she knows where David Gantt is. Kelly doesn’t give him up. She is told that the other employees said she is the one to ask as David loves her.

David calls Steve and warns him if he doesn’t wire him money he will turn himself into the police.

TWIST:

Kelly is shopping for vacation clothes. She has decided to go to David. The sales clerk that helps her happens to be David’s fiance, Jandice. Jandice attacks Kelly.

CRISIS:

David tries to make a withdrawal. The bank account is empty. He calls Steve. Steve called his bluff, not only that but they have taken Kelly hostage. David must help her.

TWIST/CRISIS:

David is at the airport. There are FBI posters of him as wanted. The hit man, his ‘other brother’ runs into him. He has another hit to do. He is contracted to kill Kelly. David Gantt is terrified and tells the hit man, they switch plane tickets, so David can go save her.

CLIMAX:

David is at Steve Chamber’s mansion to save Kelly. David cases the property. He clearly is more adept and capable now than he was in the beginning of the movie. He has grown as a person and is less of a bungler.

The FBI is also there in a Bartenders truck, they need a confession on audio.

David Gantt overruns the guards to get to the room they imprisoned Kelly in. He is successful in freeing her from the room. They make it to the garage, and take Steve’s prized Miata.

Dave floors it towards the iron gates. Kelly warns him not to. He doesn’t listen. The car crashes into the gate, it’s a wipe-out. Steve runs up to the car.

Steve is so arrogant he argues that he is the mastermind behind the bank robbery. Was David finally so smart to set Steve up to let Steve confess this? It isn’t clear. I’d like to think so. But the FBI got the whole confession of Steve’s bragging on audio tape. Taking full credit for everything.

RESOLUTION:

David Gantt and Kelly Campbell sit on the courthouse steps for a moment after they got their sentences, a moment for them to say goodbye. Gantt again professes his love for Kelly and walks away signaling with his fingers: 1, 4, 3 meaning I love you.

FINAL SCENE:

Gantt talks about his time in prison and shows where he stashed his two million dollars. He leaves prison and the person who is there to greet him is the hit man. They drive off and the first thing he says is that he wants to go see Kelly.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Writing is Bold! – Day 9

Rewriting with different emotions I also needed to change the dialogue a little bit. Trying to keep close to the same perimeters was surprisingly more challenging than I thought it would be.

ORIGINAL:

The saleslady follows a young girl to the make up counter.

SALESLADY

Can I help you.

GIRL

No, I’m just looking.

SALESLADY

Let me know if you need any help.

GIRL

Thank you. I will.

The girl moves on to a clothing rack. The saleslady follows close behind her. The girl sees her.

SALESLADY

Can I help you?

GIRL

Still just looking.

The girl moves on to the jewelry section. The Saleslady is lurking around the corner spying on her at first. The girl picks up some earrings and puts them close to her ears, looking at them in the mirror. The Saleslady springs into action.

SALESLADY

Those are lovely earrings, can I help you with them?

GIRL

You already asked me that, are you following me?

WRITTEN BEING OFFENDED WITH THE SALESLADY:

The saleslady follows the young girl to the make up counter.

SALESLADY

Can I help you.

GIRL

No, I’m just looking.

SALESLADY

Let me know if you need any help.

GIRL

Thank you. I will.

The girl moves on to a clothing rack. The saleslady follows close behind her. The girl sees her.

SALESLADY

Can I help you?

The look looks at her offended.

GIRL

Huh. Still just looking!

The girl moves on to the jewelry section looking back for the lady, ready to give her the evil eye if she dares to follow her again. Off her guard the girl picks up some earrings and puts them close to her ears, looking at them in the mirror. The Saleslady sneaks up on her.

SALESLADY

Those are lovely earrings, can I help you with them?

GIRL

You already asked me that, are you following me? Where’s your Manager!

WRITTEN BEING COPASETIC WITH THE SALESLADY:

The saleslady follows a young girl to the make up counter.

SALESLADY

Can I help you.

GIRL

No, I’m just looking.

SALESLADY

Let me know if you need any help.

GIRL

Thank you. I will.

The girl moves on to a clothing rack. The saleslady follows close behind her. The girl sees her. She waves at the sales lady.

SALESLADY

Can I help you?

GIRL

Still just looking.

The girl moves on to the jewelry section. The Saleslady is lurking around the corner spying on her at first. The girls sees her of course.

GIRL

Is it okay for me to try on the earrings? Do you have a mirror?

The girl picks up some earrings and puts them close to her ears, looking at them in the mirror. The Saleslady springs into action.

SALESLADY

Sure. Those are lovely earrings, can I help you with them?

GIRL

It’s okay that you’re following me. I get it.
The loss margin is so high in these stores you have to do something to
stem the tide.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s “Extreme emotion!” – Day 8

Trying to use the three key strategies to descriptions; Economy, Delivering the essence, and Visual, then internal/emotion, will help to make your scenes more powerful.

STEVEN HAYS, Smart, Industrious, a Leader Subtext: You’ll feel my pain

Steven Hays was Karen’s boyfriend. She was pregnant and he couldn’t wait to be a Father, only Karen was killed before that could happen. He is out for revenge however he can do it.

CRUSHER VENNICK, Selfish, Dumb, Reactive only Subtext: No consequences

Crusher’s epidermis is as deep as he gets, and he likes it that way. No consequences equals no guilt. He cares only about one thing; his cherried out red truck. Whatever he has to do to keep it in top form is what he’ll do, beg borrow or steal money for his cause, or be a bounty hunter, no matter.

INT. CRUSHER’S HOME – MORNING

Steven aggressively breaks open the redneck’s door.

STEVEN

So you were laying low huh?

Steven starts punching Crusher before he knows what’s hit him.

STEVEN (cont.)

Didn’t think we’d find you huh?

They tussle, Steven puts him in a headlock and reaches for his phone and starts a recording. He opens a picture of Karen and shoves it into Crusher’s face. Crusher’s dog outside the sliding glass door is barking and scratching furiously to get in to protect his master.

CRUSHER

What the fuck!

STEVEN

Look at her. Look at who you killed! Do you care you piece of shit!?

Crusher is blubbering.

CRUSHER

I don’t know her.

STEVEN

I know you don’t know her, but you killed her!

CRUSHER

No way man, I didn’t kill anyone.

STEVEN

You’re busted, we know you killed her.

CRUSHER

No!

Steven punches Crusher’s while in the headlock.

STEVEN

There are witnesses.

CRUSHER

I didn’t mean to. I panicked and left, that’s all I did man.

Steven ties him up in a chair. He takes a bat that stands in the corner of Crusher’s room and starts wailing on all the pictures and trophies Crusher has displayed on his shelves.

CRUSHER

Oh man, why are you doing this?

STEVEN

I’m gonna keep smashing everything in your house until you come clean. You know you want to.

Steven then bashes in the television next with the bat. The dog is still barking. Steven looks at the dog and looks at Crusher. Steven has a maniacal look on his face, — Crusher gets it. Steven starts walking towards the dog, slowly dramatically swinging the bat for effect.

CRUSHER

(crying) No, no, no, don’t hurt my baby boy, don’t hurt my boy!

He creeps ever closer to the door, slowly touching the door slider. Then stops and quickly turns away from it.

STEVEN

I’m not like you. I’d never hurt an innocent living being! But you on the other hand are not an innocent being.

Steven brings out masking tape from his back pocket and tapes Crusher’s mouth. He moves the chair to the front door.

STEVEN (cont.)

I want you to see this. You’re other baby.

EXT. CRUSHER’S FRONT YARD – MORNING

Steven goes outside and douses Crusher’s red truck with gasoline and then sets it on fire all the while Crusher is screaming through the tape. Steven points to him.

STEVEN (cont.)

You’re next!

Steven starts walking towards Crusher with the gasoline can.

STEVEN (cont.)

No one rescued my girl, you didn’t even help her, you son of a bitch.

Crusher again, screaming through the tape.

CRUSHER

Please, you don’t want to do this.

STEVEN

Oh, I’ve lived to do this!

Crusher wets himself.

Steven starts dousing him with gasoline, Crusher chokes.

CRUSHER

(sobbing) Stop it, please!

Crusher is spitting and choking gasoline.

STEVEN

She was alone man.

Steven’s weeping turns to anger.

STEVEN

No one’s gonna rescue you either!

Steven brings matches from his pocket.

CRUSHER

No, no, no!

Steven tries to strike a match, but it doesn’t ignite as the gasoline made them soggy. He tries another match but it is damp too.

STEVEN

This is your lucky minute, say your prayers.

Steven strikes the third match and it ignites successfully. Right then, three police cars are up on the lawn surrounding him. He flicks the match onto the gasoline. The cops jump into action wrapping Crusher in a blanket, Crusher is screaming.

CRUSHER

Help! Help! I’m burning! Help!

Two police officers slam Steven to the ground and handcuff him. They stand him up and one officer leads him to the patrol car. The other two officers take off help Crusher taking off the tape and rope. Crusher starts in with his macho bravado.

CRUSHER

What took you ass holes so long!? What mother fucker’s gonna pay for my truck!?

The cop at the patrol car looks to the other two officers — he’s an asshole.

CRUSHER

It took me years to cherry it, and you snails let it be destroyed, where were you, at a knitting circle?

Crusher looks at his burned and demolished truck and starts crying.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Kick-Ass Dialogue! – Day 10

Incorporating as many tools for dialogue as possible, can make an interesting (in this case here, a possible polarizing) scene.

Pamela KARRAs: Tenacious, Compassionate, Logical, Aggressive. Subtext: Fairness for all

THOMAS WELLES: Devout, Congenial, Neutralizing. Subtext: Preventive

It is the annual church picnic. Pastor Thomas is playing a game of baseball with his congregation. He has disowned Pam, his Daughter, for bringing shame upon the family for what he believes to be her non-religious stance of pro-choice.

Dialogue Structure: Metaphoric

EXT. A PARK, BASEBALL FIELD – DAY

It’s a very casual game, no serious players here, just friends and Pastor Thomas’ congregation. Pam sneaks a way closer to her Dad, so she can talk to him. He is first baseman. She is in left field and negotiates with center field.

PAM: Would you mind if I switch you spots, this batter usually hits beyond third, I’m a lousy catcher.

CENTER: Sure, no problem Pam.

PAM: Thank you.

With that Center walks to left field. Then she walks to right field and asks the same of him. Right fielder walks to Center and Pam is now next to her Father.

PAM: Hi Dad.

No response from Thomas.

PAM: Hi Dad.

Thomas clearly hears her but ignores her again.

THOMAS: Eye on the prize, eye on the prize, hey batter, batter.

PAM: Dad, I’m not going away, please talk to me.

Thomas looks at her with disappointment, then turns back towards the game.

PAM: Please.

She sounds hurt which melts his heart a little.

PAM: Why is it so wrong for me to stand up for what I believe in? Isn’t that what you’ve always taught us to do?

THOMAS: This isn’t the time Pam.

PAM: This seems to be the best time. I’ve tried to talk to you before and you won’t. I’m sorry I had to corner you here, but I had no choice.

THOMAS: You’re hitting too big Pam. You might get a curve ball. I’m scared for you.

The click of a bat hitting a ball is heard. Smack. CHERRY, the batter runs towards first base where Thomas stands.

PAM: Dad, when haven’t I been able to handle a situation? I have a couple of months to work on it. I think you’re way off base. Good hit Cherry.

Cherry smiles standing on first base waiting for the next batter to hit. Thomas moves closer to Pam, talking low at first so Cherry won’t hear.

THOMAS: Honey, right off the bat you pissed off the wrong people going on TV like you did and protecting that abortionist. The Governor’s office can play hardball Pam, he’s a heavy hitter who consistently hits it out of the park. I’m just scared for you is all.

Cherry pretends not to hear but she does. Smack, the crack of the bat hitting the ball is heard again. Cherry runs off of first base towards second as SAM, the new batter runs towards first. Thomas is next to the base with his mitt.

PAM: No, it’s more than that Dad.

Thomas catches the ball that is thrown to him and Sam is struck out.

THOMAS: Sorry Sam.

Sam nods as he walks off towards the dugout.

THOMAS (cont.): Now, why would you want to open up that can of worms? You come out of left field with this, how are we supposed to react? Yes, I vehemently oppose your view, it’s not how I raised you–

Smack. Another ball is hit as JOE, the newest batter runs for first base, Thomas is standing by it.

PAM: You raised me to care about others. To have empathy, not just sympathy, to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. I ask that you do the same, and think about what this means to the millions of soon forgotten children that are not even born yet, or the woman who will be put into instant poverty.

Joe is safe and on the base.

PAM: You know there are women who get death threats for having to rely financially on the very system this ban created right? Taxpayers don’t want to pay for her and their kids, they just want them to be born.

JOE: Sad but true, a million?

Thomas looks at Joe perturbed.

PAM (cont.): If not more. Good hit Joe.

Smack, another ball is hit. Joe starts running towards second base as DONNA now runs towards first base.

THOMAS: A million!? Don’t you think you’re exaggerating a bit Pam? (beat) You’re biting off more than you can chew young lady.

Donna arrives at first base safely.

THOMAS: Good job Donna. Exodus–

PAM: Forget bible verses Dad, this is a democracy, the real world. Your people want to legislate that more women and children suffer these burdens, just to force them to have the unwanted baby, so you can what? What Dad?

DONNA: Uh, pretty serious for a ball game aren’t we?

Pam looks at Donna and changes her tone a little bit.

PAM: You raised me to have family values. What do family values mean to you Dad?

THOMAS/DONNA: Hey batter, batter, hey batter, batter, swing!

The crack of the bat hitting the ball is heard again as Donna swiftly moves off of first base towards second. Thomas again stands next to first base and catches the ball into his mitt. As the batter runs towards first Thomas tags him out.

PAM: And yes, millions, when the other states adopt this ban, over years to come. It adds up. What kind of religious values are in dictating a child must be born into this world knowing the reality that the child will most likely suffer? One in ten will be the fortunate ones of course, but those are horrible odds that we’re forcing on children to be born into. So, what Dad? What values? And why do people care more about controlling a woman’s body than the lifetime welfare of the soon to be born child? Religion again?

Thomas and Pam’s impassioned voices are rising.

THOMAS: Cause God created them. He said so. He created their life.

PAM: That’s it!? An embryo is not a life, it is an egg, a fetus is not a formed life until it can sustain itself out of the womb.

THOMAS: It is the sanctity of life. God said so!

They stop and become cognizant of those around them, everyone is stopped and watching and listening to them. Thomas smiles, laughs and hugs onto his Daughter as if nothing is wrong.

THOMAS: We’re sorry, please everyone, please let’s get back to the game.

People nod and slowly start into the baseball game again. BOBBY is up to bat, ball chatter is heard. Smack, the bat hits the ball. Bobby runs for first base as Thomas assumes his position.

PAM: (whispering) That’s your religious belief. This is not an uneducated puritan society as it was back in the dark ages Dad. We govern by the people in a democratic society, not by religion. Everybody’s religion is different.

Bobby lands on first base safely.

PAM (cont.): Good one Bobby. And you know some people aren’t even religious at all, and we are going to tell them how to live their lives? It’s all rooted from white patriarchy and them knowing they’re slowly losing their power. You know that (beat) right?

BOBBY: Amen to that Sister.

THOMAS: I don’t want to hear that women’s lib stuff.

PAM: It’s pure fact Dad.

BOBBY: Yes, it is.

PAM: Do the research.

THOMAS: Pam, you know public speaking is not in your wheelhouse. Sure, you’re okay on a one to one, but honey, you’re gonna get ripped to shreds in a bigger forum. Satan is sitting on your shoulder on this one, let your better angel knock him off please, before you make a fool of yourself and destroy our congregation.

BOBBY: Yes siree, you got to cast out those demons.

PAM: I am Dad, that’s why I’m doing this.

Crack of the bat and ball is heard

BOBBY: Ciao.

Bobby starts running for second base.

THOMAS: You’ve always been too big for your britches.

PAM: The bible says Thou shalt kill people for committing such crimes as cursing one’s father or mother, for being a stubborn son, for picking up sticks on the Sabbath, to name a few.

The new batter approaches first base as Thomas tags him out. The batter turns for the dugout.

PAM (cont.): That’s far from protecting the sanctity of life Dad. How about Numbers 25 when the Lord casually orders Moses to massacre 24,000 Israelites to hang the heads of the people up before the Lord against the sun. Clearly, the bible is not pro-life! Psalms 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. Pro Life you cry!

THOMAS: (shouts) Pam, I don’t want to argue about this. You try my very last nerve and you’re ruining my game!

PAM: I don’t understand the double speak hypocrisy Dad, please enlighten me!

THOMAS: I told you. Enough! Now, either be quiet or LEAVE.

Pam stops and stares at him. The crack of the bat and ball hitting together is heard.

UMPIRE: Foul ball!

THOMAS: Now, without any further discussion, my suggestion to you is to play small ball for a while before you even think about stepping into the big leagues.

PAM: Dad you got to step up to the plate and go for a homer or go out trying, no small ball.

THOMAS:
Well, it could be a colossal swing and miss.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Colorful Dialogue – Day 9

Using the formats for Colorful Dialogue can help to create interesting characters and situations.

Susie – Imperious, feisty, affected

Callie – Competitive, unaffected, cheeky

Bevvy – Affable, assertive, rational

EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND – DAY

Susie and Callie play hopscotch during recess time. Bevvy approaches.

BEVVY: Hi Callie, can I play?

SUSIE: No, we already started the game.

CALLIE: Bevvy’s my friend and she can play if she wants to.

Callie gestures to Susie.

CALLIE (cont.): Go already.

Bevvy stands by Callie.

SUSIE: Cmon magic marker, get in.

CALLIE: Just wait til we finish okay?

Susie rolls her marker into square number eight.

BEVVY: Okay.

Susie starts hopping through the squares. She is successful and bends down to retrieve her marker, then continues on to finish the squares.

BEVVY: Wow, that was fast Susie.

Callie throws her marker into number nine. It rolls slightly out of the square into number eight.

SUSIE: It’s out of the line.

CALLIE: No, it isn’t, put your glasses on Susie.

SUSIE: You Fillisprin

CALLIE: What’s that?

SUSIE: I don’t know but my Dad always says it to loser people like you.

Callie mimics Susie’s words ‘loser people’. Susie looks at Bevvy.

SUSIE (cont.): Eshay’s ayay oserlay!

CALLIE: (sarcastically) Iyay owknay ouyay aryay utbay utway amyay Iyay?

Susie rolls her eyes.

Callie starts to hop.

SUSIE: You don’t go, it’s my turn! You lost your turn.

CALLIE: No, I didn’t, it wasn’t out of bounds!

SUSIE: Yes, it was.

BEVVY: Geez Susie, just go already, recess is almost over.

Susie looks at Callie like she won the argument, Callie looks unfazed and shrugs her shoulders as if she didn’t care. Susie throws her marker into number nine and starts her turn hopping.

On the way back Susie clearly hops out of the line.

CALLIE: You’re out! You’re out! You hopped over the line.

BEVVY: Yeah, you did.

CALLIE: (singing) Cheaters never prosper, cheaters never prosper.

SUSIE: You are very UNPLEASANT Callie Brennan!

CALLIE: Oh, such BIG words. Who you trying to impress?

Just as she says this she sees Jeremy and his friend Ben watching them.

CALLIE: (laughing) Susie’s got a boyfriend, Susie’s got a boyfriend.

SUSIE: Shut up Callie! Nobody likes you! Nobody wants to play with you!

CALLIE: Well, that makes you the loser then doesn’t it? I could care a less!

Callie turns away from Susie, she looks very hurt by Susie’s statement.

BEVVY: Cmon’. Finish up, I want to play. You old nags.

CALLIE/SUSIE: What’d you say?

BEVVY: I don’t know, my Dad always says that.

CALLIE: Well, both your Dad’s are stupid! That’s what my Mom ALWAYS says.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Subtext Pointers 2 – Day 8

Working with the Subtext Pointer methods help fill in more colorful choices for the scene. Using Metaphors, implications, insinuations, hints, sarcasm, and allusion can help round out a scene full of interesting situations and visuals.

EXT. BENKER HOUSE – DAY

Jerry drives up in a beautiful red convertible with a racing stripe on its side. It looks like it just came off the showroom floor.

He proudly exits the car and runs his hands across its smooth lines, if it were a woman this would look like an act of seduction. He points his key fob at it until he hears it respond. He looks satisfied as he turns and walks into his house.

INT. BENKER HOUSE – SAME

Jerry opens the door and immediately shouts.

JERRY: Honey, I’m home, boy, have I got something for you to see.

SASCHA (V.O.): And I’ve got something for you to see!

Sascha comes out of the dining room holding some papers. If looks could kill, he’d have been a goner.

SASCHA: What is this Jerry? What is this shit? A foreclosure notice!? I knew I should have taken care of the finances myself.

JERRY: What da ya talk.

Jerry grabs the papers from Sascha’s hands. Reads them slowly, buying himself some time. His wheels are turning, then his light bulb goes off, he readies his response.

JERRY (cont.): Of course I paid the mortgage, this must have been a mistake. They must have this confused, it’s the property taxes I haven’t paid yet, not the mortgage.

Sascha looks bewildered.

SASCHA: Huh, I didn’t know they are connected like this.

Jerry lying through his teeth.

JERRY (cont.): Sure, honey, that’s how foreclosure warn– I mean, statements work. It’s a reminder to pay the property taxes. Don’t worry, I’ll handle it.

SASCHA: Well, let’s do that soon, like yesterday. Please, Jerry. This is scary.

JERRY: Don’t worry, it’s as good as done. In the meantime, I’ve solved our transportation problem.

SASCHA: (smiling) What?

Jerry leads her to the door.

JERRY: Now, close your eyes.

SASCHA: (Excited) Okay.

JERRY: Now, keep em’ closed.

SASCHA: (Giggling) What Jerry, what is it, oh! Is it a family station wagon I’ve been wanting for us?

JERRY: Maybe.

Jerry opens the door. He covers her eyes with his hands while moving her towards the open door frame.

SASCHA: Oh, I’m so excited!

JERRY: Ta da!

Jerry takes his hands from her eyes. Sascha’s smile turns to a disappointed frown. She looks gut punched.

SASCHA: (sarcastically) A family chick magnet. Just what we needed.

She walks away, shaking her head. She shouts behind her.

SASCHA (cont.)
Another good one Jerry.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Visuals – Day 7

Descriptive words, phrases, and imaginative visuals became clearer to me when doing the first exercise. In the second exercise, going back through assignments and looking to improve five sentences with concrete nouns, action verbs, metaphors, exaggeration and comparisons helped me to think beyond my first impulse in writing, and to think of how to use the tools learned. Wrestling with this exercise really helped the descriptions become more powerful, I’m glad I didn’t give up and worked through it.

First exercise:

Descriptions from one of my favorite movies: ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

A lone figure stands , A distant rumble of thunder and a threat of rain in the air, tires swishing,

CLOSER on JUDE. He’s 23, his long sixties haircut curling over his collar.

As the truck picks up speed the wind blows his hair and the road recedes behind him.

The MUSIC is a jangly, nerve-tingling metal thrash version of ‘Helter Skelter’. ~

The images are violent and confrontational, the screen filled with protest and anger and the Chicago Days of Rage. Students are repulsed by rifle butts leaving bodies bruised and bloodied. Screams of panic as a tank rumbles into view, We’re looking down the long barrel of its cannon as it swivels, parting the crowd, who run for cover.

LUCY wears thrift store clothes and a woolen hat. CAMERA moves in tighter on her petrified face.

…the dance, the floor packed with other couples holding each other tight. The wall flowers stand around the edge holding glasses of fruit punch and wondering when someone will ask them. . .

The four man band on stage are only a little older than the students and look like they play bar mitzvahs as well as High School hops

The ballroom is packed with couples of all ages; smoke, sweat, and cheap perfume.

The old school Dance band, in tuxes and frilly shirts will soon be swept aside by the tide of pop and discos.

The glitter ball throws patterns of light over the flushed faces.

The girls wear pencil skirts and black eyeliner, the guys sharp three-button suits with peg-top pants. The

clingers cling, the jivers jive.

Molly has her arm linked in Jude’s as he walks her home on a cold, winter night.

…with terraced houses and empty milk bottles on the doorsteps.

She breaks away as her eyes tear up.

The bang and clang of the shipyard fades as the siren signals the end of the day. The riveters and welders put down their tools. In a last flare of sparks, a Worker turns off his acetylene torch.

CYRIL, a gnarled old fellow who speaks with the thick ‘Scouse’ accent of people from the ‘Pool.

PHIL, a gangly lad with red hair protests behind him: Move it along! Some of us are thirsty and the pubs been open five minutes!

As their husbands arrive, the weekly ritual takes place: the women tear open the pay packets, give the men a pound and head home. The men make for the pub.

It’s a street of friendship and familiarity, forged out of hard times.

She’s not yet forty, but life’s not been easy and it shows.

Jude puts the clothes into a backpack. His wall is covered in charcoal and pencil drawings, street scenes, his mother. He’s got some talent.

He finds a black and white photograph: a younger Martha in the arms of a young man in a uniform of the U.S.

Air Force.

Jude kisses Molly good night against the back door of her house: She breaks away. He tries to reassure her.

Lucy’s letter with stick~on hearts either side of her scrawled signature.

Sweethearts are forgotten as the young guys whistle and holler. The girls respond with good-natured waves as the truck moves away and the soldiers whistles fade on the breeze.

PRUDENCE is an Asian-American. She looks at the world with anxious, startled eyes. Prudence leaves

the bleachers and walks past the squad.. She might as well be invisible.

All she gets is a languid toss of her head.

Were you stationed near Liverpool during the war? With the Air Force? . .

WES: I was, yeah. Had a great.time in jolly-old.

Wes winces. This is a painful conversation.

Golf balls ping off the portico and roof and bounce into the road. Bulls-eye, a window is broken! A cheer from the distant rooftop.

Lights go on, angry faces appear on the second story balcony. Bull-necked jocks.

Suddenly a spotlight scythes through the darkness from the rival Frat House balcony~ Their startled faces are captured in its beam.

Second exercise:

Original:

Elizabeth and Mary AHEARN, another bereaved Mother, walk into Police Headquarters and approach the front desk being operated by SERGEANT MANNING, she is the loyal watchful eyes and ears of the department, she recognizes Elizabeth.

Edited:

Elizabeth and Mary AHEARN, another bereaved Mother, walk into Police Headquarters with a chip on their shoulders, they approach the front desk being operated by SERGEANT MANNING, who is the loyal watchful eyes and ears of the department. The Sergeant sees Elizabeth and picks up the phone receiver, feigning a conversation. Mother’s are grizzly bears when it comes to their babies, you don’t want to mess with them.

Original:

Standing room only in the women’s holding cell. They are still riled up. Women who were not at the protest also chime in.

Edited:

It’s standing room only in the women’s holding cell. They are still riled up like a football team winning the super-bowl. High fiving and slapping butts with congratulations, feeling like they can conquer the world. Their excitement is contagious as women who were not at the protest also chime in.

Original:

Elizabeth is sitting on the couch. She looks despondent staring at a blank television screen.

Edited:

Elizabeth who is sitting on the couch looks despondent. She is staring at a blank television screen which reflects her feelings. The battle for her soul is unrelenting and she is losing.

Original:

Pam leaves as Elizabeth sighs heavily into Charles chest then she walks over to the mini bar and grabs a full bottle of Vodka. She holds it close to her while unscrewing the lid. She starts chugging it as fast as she can.

Edited:

Pam leaves as Elizabeth sighs heavily into Charles chest then she walks over to the mini bar and grabs a full bottle of Vodka. She holds it close to her like a long lost friend. She unscrews the lid and starts chugging it as fast as she can as if she had just walked the Sahara desert without a canteen.

Original:

Sounds of pleasure are pouring out from the broom closet, TIFFANY and BRAD are in the midst of a passionate moment.

Edited:

Sounds of pleasure are pouring out from the
broom closet, like two dogs in heat. TIFFANY
and BRAD are in the midst of a passionate moment, they have hit the mountain
peak. The sounds of the church organ
bring them back down to earth.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Cover-ups – Day 7

Most of these ‘cover up’ methods came a bit easier than the first time we did this assignment, except for a couple of them that were a little challenging. Using cover ups helps us to avoid being ‘on-the-nose’ with our dialogue, and it’s helping me to understand and see when I’m writing something on-the-nose. The deeper meaning of the subtext rather than on-the-nose dialogue is a much more interesting choice.

Job interview, talking to his girlfriend:

Charlotte says: How was it babe, did you get the job?

1. Silence:

He shrugs his shoulders, waves her off, scratches his head.

2. Action incongruent with words:

(jovially) No, I don’t think I did and he does a cartwheel.

3. Change subject:

Where do you want to go eat, I’m starving.

4. Question them:

Why do you care so much, can’t handle being with a loser unemployed boyfriend?

5. Attack back:

Sorry Princess, most people aren’t as desirable as you to get the job of their dreams.

6. Complement them:

I love that you care so much.

7. Threaten them:

I swear, if you ask me that one more time, I’m getting out of this car, moving or not.

8. Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not:

Another month of me leaching off of you.

9. Misdirection:

Once i find that dream job we’ll buy our house. I’d love to live in the country, how about you?

10. Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event:

Whew, dodged that bullet, they only wanted to pay me eighty thousand a year, I told them where they could shove it. I want at least eighty -five.

11. Distraction:

This is my new friend John, he was in the group interview too.

12. Make a joke of it:

What a bunch of loser dweebs, all standing in line to become gray suiters.

13. Continue the conversation as if nothing happened:

So, tomorrow, I think I need to start looking for a job.

I chose:

12. Make a joke of it: What a bunch of loser dweebs, all standing in line to become grey suiters.

INT. CHARLOTTE’S CAR – DAY

Charlotte is in the drivers seat, she has a hopeful grin on her face. Ed enters the car.

CHARLOTTE: How was it babe, did you get the job?

ED: What a bunch of loser dweebs, all standing in line to be gray suiters.

CHARLOTTE: Oh?

She now looks discouraged and Ed looks defensive.

CHARLOTTE: Well, you got to do what you got to do to make it in this world. I certainly don’t like my job, I’m studying hard to get out of there.

ED: Yeah, but that’s a fate worse than death.

CHARLOTTE: You don’t have to become a corporate robot. But you have to ‘become’ something.

ED: You’re right, I think I want to join the circus, I want to see smiles on children’s faces.

Charlotte’s eyes get real big and she looks dismayed as she turns away from Ed, looking onto traffic.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Dialogue Structures – Day 6

This is definitely how people really talk. We multi-task and our ears and minds are attuned to this. Writing in the three structures of dialogue; Circular, Metaphoric, and having two different conversations at the same time gives the scene more realism.

INT. HALSTON HOME, BATHROOM – NIGHT

JENNY HALSTON is bathing her toddler Jimmy, while she’s talking to her husband Sam. Jimmy splashes water on Jenny and is having fun doing so.

JENNY: Oh, my stars! Jimmy sit still, don’t rock this boat.

Jimmy is laughing.

JENNY: Mommy’s talking to Daddy right now, shhhhhh.

Jenny gestures shushing, and Jimmy mimics her. She smiles at him. She’s sudsing up the wash cloth and washes Jimmy.

JENNY: So, Sharon said that their car will only cost them five hundred dollars. What a steal huh!? It’s a beautiful blue color. Jimmy don’t go underwater like that, you’ll drown. The red one is a dream.

SAM: How many miles to the gallon do you think it gets? I like the car, it’s one of the newer models.

JENNY: I think she said, Jimmy, quit kicking me. It gets twenty four miles to the gallon, isn’t that amazing!?

JIMMY: Mommy, I’m getting cold.

JENNY: Shall we do it? Okay Sweetie, here’s your towel.

Jenny picks Jimmy up and stands him outside the tub awaiting his warm towel while Sam grabs Jimmy’s towel off the rack and holds it open for him to nestle into

JENNY: That’s my good boy, you warm now Sweetie? I can’t wait, let’s get one! The red one!

SAM: Vroom baby, vroom!

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Anticipatory Dialogue – Day 5

Using Anticipatory Dialogue makes the scene more fully rounded. It answers a series of questions and creates more questions which keeps the reader engaged.

INT. DOCTOR’S EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY

MARJORIE LATHAM, late 80’s is sitting on an examination table. The Neurologist, DR. CAMPBELL motions for her son DALE LATHAM to join him outside the room for Marjorie’s diagnosis.

INT. HALLWAY DOCTOR’S OFFICE – SAME

Dr. Campbell gestures to a chair.

DR. CAMPBELL: Let’s have a seat and talk a minute about your Mom’s diagnosis.

DALE: Sure Doctor.

DR. CAMPBELL: Along with giving her the basic tests as I just did, her xrays show gray matter grouping in the frontal lobe area.

DALE: What does that mean?

Dr. Campbell takes his hand and looks concerned. She rises.

Silence at a strange time:

DR. CAMPBELL: Sit tight here for a moment, there’s one more test I want to try.

Dr. Campbell walks into the examination room with Marjorie and shuts the door. Dale looks down nervous and concerned, his heavy breathing is audible. He tucks his face in his hands.

Indirect prediction:

DALE: Please let her be okay, please God let her be okay.

Dr. Campbell walks out of the room.

DR. CAMPBELL: Thank you for waiting Dale.

Dr. Campbell sits next to him.

Countdown:

DR. CAMPBELL: Your Mom has Senile Dementia stage three, there are seven stages.

DALE: Oh my God.

Dale looks panicked, Dr. Campbell touches his hand.

Imply hopelessness:

DR. CAMPBELL: It’ll take a good amount of time before she gets to stage seven, and we’re making great advances in attacking this disease, so try not to lose hope. You don’t want to go down that rabbit hole.

Indirect prediction:

DALE: Why did this have to happen now, I still have to work, who’s going to care for her?

Direct prediction and Imply consequences:

DR. CAMPBELL: You’ll be fine for quite a while, when the Senile Dementia starts hitting stage five she will become more confused, you’ll see wandering, more forgetfulness and possible Sundown syndrome. Eventually she will need more supervised care, but not for a while.

DALE: Is there a cure?

Imply hopelessness:

DR. CAMPBELL: Not yet. But we’re working on new drugs that could help stave off the effects of the disease.

Dale looks panicked.

DALE: My kids. Is this hereditary?

Warnings:

DR. CAMPBELL: One in seven over age seventy will get dementia, and in rare types of dementia there can be genetic links, but we won’t know until all her testing is complete what type of dementia she has and what that might mean for you and your family in the future. We’ll know more soon.

DALE: My kids and my wife are going to be devastated.

Confront someone hiding from a future consequence:

DR. CAMPBELL: I know this is hard to accept, take your time, but the sooner you start her on a memory care program the better, it’s not a cure, but it will stave off the symptoms a while longer.

Dale looks confused and heartbroken.

Create a reputation for the villain:

DR. CAMPBELL(cont.): I’m so sorry you and your family now must go through this pain. It’s hard to be strong facing this disease. Senile Dementia and Alzheimers takes our loved ones memories and eventually their lives at the end stage, but that could be a very long way away.

DALE: I’m going to have to start making arrangements for her.

Shield from consequences in advance:

DR. CAMPBELL: Yes, at some point she’ll need a power of attorney to protect her estate. It’s best to get those ducks in a row while she is still capable of signing consent.

DALE: Yeah, I’ll have to discuss this with my wife, make arrangements for the best plan of action.

Challenge issued:

DR. CAMPBELL: Please sort this out quickly though, every minute she goes without help is another minute lost to deterioration.

DALE: I will Doctor. Thank you for all your help.

At that moment Marjorie opened the door.

MARJORIE: Dale, what’s taking you so long. Let’s go.

DALE: Okay Momma, the Doc and I just needed to talk about a few things.

Dale shakes the Doctor’s hand.

DALE: Thank you again for your help.

DR. CAMPBELL: You got it. If you have any information, you call me.

DALE: I will. Thank you.

Dr. Campbell walks off down the hallway. Dale and Marjorie walk in the other direction.

DALE: You feel like having some lunch Mom?

MARJORIE: You bet. I could eat a horse.

They get on the elevator and the elevator doors close.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Contrast Scene – Day 4

I can see how contrast of visual and dialogue can work to make the scene interesting. It also helps to bring out characteristics without announcing them. Can be funny discovering them.

EXT. UTAH SKI RESORT – DAY

It is a sunny day on the Brianhead ski slopes. ANTHONY CARD and his buddy JASON PARK are ready to ski, they are from sunny California, where the weather is usually warm. Some locals are skiing in their bathing suits, which is a yearly ritual. Anthony sees DIXIE KLEIN, a young lady skiing down the slope in her bathing suit as well. He is instantly smitten by her. Both Anthony and Jason are bundled up in their ski clothes and parkas.

ANTHONY: Jay, look at that babe there in the red bikini.

JASON: Yeah, she sure is fine.

ANTHONY: I’ve got to meet her.

Anthony rips off his parka and starts taking off his warm ski clothing.

JASON: What the hell are you doing? you’re gonna freeze to death.

Anthony’s teeth starts chattering, and his lips are turning blue.

ANTHONY: Naw, it’s good man. Good.

He spots the young lady and starts skiing towards her. He sidles up to her.

ANTHONY: Great powder huh?

She looks at him and smiles. Then she looks concerned.

DIXIE: Your lips are blue, are you all right?

ANTHONY: Great. Never felt better. The sun is shining.

DIXIE: It’s great isn’t it?

ANTHONY: Never felt warmer!

Dixie looks quizzically at his response. To keep warmer he starts making short quick turns as if he were slaloming.

ANTHONY: You want to go for a run?

DIXIE: Black or blue?

ANTHONY: Blue is good.

DIXIE: Oh, okay. I got the impression you were a skier, all good, blue will do.

Anthony over corrects himself.

ANTHONY: No black, black is good. Let’s do black.

DIXIE: Hey, you want a shot, you look really cold.

ANTHONY: Cold!? I always ski like this, it’s not cold, it’s nice and warm out here.

His body is turning blue along with his lips. Dixie brings a flask out of her bikini.

DIXIE: This will warm your insides.

ANTHONY: I’m not cold I tell you, The radiant rays of the sun warms my body like no other. I feel at one with nature this way. I’m incredibly hot, I’d take my shorts off right now if I could.

Anthony is writhing back and forth on his skis to keep warm.

ANTHONY (cont.): The sun is shining, the air is pure and warm, this is the time I like best when skiing, a time when I can let my body be free and feel the air on me as I ski down the mountain. It is my church.

Let’s dance.

Anthony starts gyrating his whole body while shaking his booty wildly and writhes like he’s having spasms. Jason shakes his head at his idiot friend who is freezing to death, and Dixie doesn’t know what to think. She reluctantly starts gyrating with him.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s World View scene – Day 3

Every character has a World View that influences their dialogue, these include metaphors, rules and strategies, justifications, and traits.

Character Name: Pam Karras
World View: Life must be fair for all, I am superior
Life Metaphor: I will be the equalizer

– Facts

– Civil service

– Empathetic concern

Rules and Strategies:

– If I am honest and fair, everyone else will be too

– Sympathy are surface platitudes, do something

– Life is balance

Justifications:

– By doing my civil service I help to balance the scales of justice

– When I help others I’m in touch with my life’s purpose

– I help victims of the system rise while taking down those inferior shortsighted pro-lifers

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Pam and her friend Chloe is meeting with the Governor. The courteous conversation quickly turns into a heated argument between Pam and the Governor.

GOVERNOR: Who do you think you are Mother Teresa?

PAM: No need for insults, I’m just trying to help those who can’t speak for themselves.

GOVERNOR: Unless they’re a deaf mute everyone can speak.

PAM: Most people don’t have the platform to speak, I myself only got your attention because our attorney pulled strings for this meeting with you. I’m sure we can frame policy to benefit everyone, especially people who are now being dictated into poverty because of the SB8 law.

GOVERNOR: If someone can have sex, they can raise children.

Pam is incensed with the short sightedness of his statement. She shakes, her face turns red, inner turmoil reads on her face. She rises raising her voice.

PAM: If someone can have sex? How many men pay for these dictated births? How many men have to raise these children? Where are the laws on the books that demand lifetime payment from the sex partner who impregnated a woman, until the baby is 18? You only have the burden on the female. She’s on her own. You self-righteously sit there and judge the female. It’s her job? It’s her burden?

GOVERNOR: (sarcastically) My, my, Mrs. Karras, I do believe you are sweating.

PAM: I don’t sweat, I glisten. You not only put this burden on women, you put this burden on the unborn embryo. That embryo grows into a fetus which eventually become viable, which eventually is born becoming a living, breathing baby.

GOVERNOR: I don’t need a brush up on child development little lady.

PAM: You most certainly do. Either that or you’re just plain blind to the facts. What do you do if the Mother doesn’t want to keep it? It goes to a Foster home or an orphanage. If you cared to research the success rate of these infants who age out of the system unscathed you would know that 85% will have babies in their early years, repeating the cycle, with 40 to 50% across the board becoming homeless, incarcerated, drug or alcohol abusive, high school drop outs or unemployed. To speak in your terms, that’ll cost a hell of a lot more money. What kind of life will those heartbeats have? That should be the question you care about.

GOVERNOR: You bleeding heart liberals.

PAM: Governor, you say it like it’s a bad thing. You better check yours and make sure it’s beating.

GOVERNOR: It is and it is. You keep making our government bigger with all your programs for those that should be fending for themselves.

PAM: You did that all yourself. Children can’t fend for themselves, and there’s millions more now with your abortion ban. Impoverished people scrape by fending for themselves and can’t afford things that all Americans should have access to, healthcare for one. By creating this ban you have created a huge governmental system that creates financial dependency tenfold, the same issue you fiscally conservative people rail against, big government and huge spending.

GOVERNOR: Little ladies, this was great fun jawing with ya, but I have to get back to serious work now.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Character Traits Live! – Day 2

Try and be precise by having dialogue come from the character’s traits. It makes characters clearer and actors will have an easier time pinpointing how to portray them.

PAM KARRAS – Gubernatorial challenger

Tenacious

Compassionate

Logical

Aggressive

Chad Babbitt – Governor

Hypocrite

Chauvinist

Short tempered

Overly Confident

SAM LEVIN – Show Host

Appeasing

Appealing

Jovial

Vacuous

Pam’s informal local televised debate with the Governor is moderated by a television host.

INT. TELEVISION STATION SET – DAY

The set looks very informal with a coffee table, a couch and one chair. Pam sits on one edge of the couch, and the Governor sits at the opposite end. Sam is seated in the chair such as a moderator would. Pam is tense and eating nuts throughout the conversation, from the snack tray in front of her. The Governor looks completely at ease and commands his space.

SAM: Welcome to the Coffee Klatsch. Thank you studio audience and thank you my guests for being here today. We have Governor Babbitt and Pam Karras, the Governors challenger with us. Let’s get right to the matters at hand, shall we?

PAM: I’d love to Sam.

The Governor nods in agreement.

SAM: The hot topic has been the SB8 challenge. What say you? Let’s start with the Governor.

GOVERNOR: It’s very clear, our Legislature created a ban on abortion after six weeks, when a heartbeat can be detected.

PAM: That’s not a heartbeat being detected. It is a scientific fact that what is being detected is a cluster of cells that emits electrical signals.

SAM: So, no heartbeat is heard.

PAM: No. A heart has four chambers with valves–

GOVERNOR: Little lady, let’s stick to the debate and leave the heart to the professionals.

PAM: It doesn’t take a rocket Scientist to know when–

GOVERNOR: Mrs. Karras, are you a medical professional?

PAM: It doesn’t take a medical professional to know that the valves–

GOVERNOR: This is utter nonsense.

The Governor turns to Sam.

GOVERNOR (cont.): Are you gonna let her prattle on like this?

SAM: Oh, a fiery but ‘friendly’ debate here. Let’s let her finish her ‘prattling’ and then you’ll have a chance to respond your Governorship.

Sam is clearly nervous and trying to appease the Governor. Pam looks at Sam disapprovingly for his remark.

PAM: Thank you Sam. As, I was saying, the valves allow blood to collect and then be pumped out to the body which can be seen in the second trimester around 16 to 18 weeks. Not 6 weeks. Even at this point, the heart relies on other organ systems to be fully functioning.

GOVERNOR: That is highly debatable. And we clearly know that a heartbeat is heard at 6 weeks.

PAM: Again, that’s not a heartbeat. It’s electrical activity, not from the opening and closing of valves, as is true for a fully formed and functioning heart. Ultrasounds aren’t usually conducted until the second trimester to identify any cardiovascular malfunctions. Just in this state are ultrasounds mandated at six weeks… by your male majority legislative demands, I will add.

GOVERNOR: Regardless of your opinion we just want to preserve life.

PAM: Oh, preserve life is it? That’s your propaganda? This state has the highest execution rates in the nation. 572 executed since 1982. Three in 2021. 199 on death row as we speak with one woman in particular who stabbed to death her children that she didn’t want. So, Governor do you want to put more innocent children in harms way since now you’re forcing women to have children they don’t want? By the way, most all of these executions were by ‘pro-life’ Governors. Unbelievable hypocrisy!

Pam shakes her head, shameful. Sam looks as if the conversation went off the rails.

GOVERNOR: Again, I think–

Pam wasn’t finished.

PAM: You can’t pick and choose, no in between! You might not like what they do, cold blooded killers, yes, but their valves are pumping blood throughout their system. They have beating hearts that would be detected on an ultrasound. And you do know the state has executed people proven innocent after the fact.

GOVERNOR: Oh, you bleeding heart liberals will be the death of us. Your burgeoning deficits.

PAM: And this state has decided through costly jurisprudence, by tax payers of course, that the death penalty is important enough to continue. So, how can you ban women from having abortions to supposedly save a heart beat? Oh, burgeoning deficits, you don’t want to get me started on the big government you have created with the astronomical costs now involved in paying for these embryos you insist on being born to have a life, not without immense inequities of course, financial burdens and socioeconomic struggles. They will not have the privilege, power and control you and classes like you enjoy.

GOVERNOR: I think we should talk about something else now. I’m sure our viewers are getting bored with all this hyperbole.

PAM: The only hyperbole being spewed is your excuse to control women’s bodies. Let’s speak truth to power here. You white male legislatures are so scared women and minorities are going to take over you ‘must’ control who you can. So, we women must be marginalized. And this is how you’re systematically going to do it.

Sam is sweating, he looks nervous.

GOVERNOR: How is it that a woman like you is married?

A negative reaction is heard in the audience.

GOVERNOR (cont.): No, seriously, doesn’t she sound like a man-hater to you? Looking for trouble.

PAM: (chuckles) Governor, you don’t bother me. This law is clearly an attack on women. It’s about controlling a woman’s right to choose. It is also unconstitutional!

Cheers, whoops and hollers are heard in the studio audience. Which Pam responds to. She rises and speaks to them.

PAM (cont.) Hell, what does the man care, he doesn’t have to skirt any responsibility! And you can best believe that if men could get pregnant ABORTION WOULD BE A SACRAMENT!

More women are cheering. Sam stands with Pam trying to gently guide her back seated. She looks at the Governor.

PAM: Clearly with the majority not wanting Roe v. Wade overturned and do not agree with a ban on abortion after a heartbeat is detected, who are you representing? Certainly not the majority. Governor Babbitt, this is a democracy, the majority rules, not your irrelevant archaic relics in the legislature imposing their own beliefs onto the citizens of this state, this is not a dictatorship!

GOVERNOR: Well, Ms. Snippybritches, ‘He’ who has the power wins!

PAM: (angry) If a woman’s right to choose is stripped of it’s constitutional protection I think we need to start taking away your guns! No choice, guns gone…illegal! I bet your pro-life people wouldn’t like that now would they!?

It’s getting out of control. Sam doesn’t know what to do. Boos are coming from the audience.

GOVERNOR: You try to take my guns away you’ll see a civil war like non been fought before!

Whoops and hollers and agreement are heard, again.

PAM: Yep, you gun lovers would scream bloody murder from the rooftops! Wouldn’t you!? Such as you’re doing right now. We can go down that road! OR how about you don’t tread on my civil rights or any other woman’s right to choose, and I won’t choose to tread on your civil rights, your guns!

As Pam says this the stage manager gives Sam the signal to wrap it up. He looks like a deer in headlights. Sweat is on his brow.

SAM: Oh, such stimulating conversation. Oh, my! Well (beat), that’s all we have for today friends, visit us tomorrow, our guest will be Mike Maynard with animal control from Bezar county. Until then folks, Good bye.

With that the three stand, fake grins light up the screen.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Great Dialogue Scene from ‘Witness’ – Day 1

Great dialogue helps move the story forward and it creates characters easy to visualize through their dialogue, it also creates tension and drama, and can be delivered on multiple levels.

I chose the script ‘Witness’:

Up to this point, the introduction shows us an Amish child, Samuel, who’s Dad had just died. He and his Mother go into the city to visit her sister. While they are at the train station, little Samuel, witnesses a killing and sees the murderer when he used the public bathroom. The Character, Book, who is a tough talking cop is played by Harrison Ford and you can visualize through the dialogue the standard Harrison Ford character that he plays in many of his films.

Book nods, starts to turn back to Sam. Just then a commotion off screen catches his attention.

BOOK’S POV – ONCOMING COPS

It’s Capt. TERRY DONAHUE, Chief of Homicide, striding past

the crowd of journalists and TV crews… brushing off

reporters’ questions and snapping orders to the aides he’s

got in tow:

BACK TO SCENE

AS DONAHUE COMES ON BOOK:

DONAHUE

(to aides)

Close it all down… I want a man on

every exit… I want the lab in here

now!

(to Book)

And I want to talk to you, Captain.

ANGLE

As Book steps aside with Donahue… In the b.g. Rachel moves

protectively to Samuel’s side.

BOOK

All right, talk.

DONAHUE

This is homicide – not Internal

Affairs! So why are you behaving

like you own this case?

NOTE: Character is delivered about Book, also Attack/Counters

BOOK

We were running Zenovitch… That’s

all I can tell you. But I want it,

Terry.

(then)

I’ve got a call into Schaeffer.

RACHEL / SAMUEL

They can’t help but watch the confrontation between Donahue

and Book… although they’re keeping the volume down, it’s

obviously intense and angry:

SAMUEL

(alarmed)

Momma… are they angry with us.

RACHEL

(reassuring, but hardly

in her own mind)

No… No. It is just the English

way.

NOTE: Character is delivered about Rachel and her assumptions about Non-Amish, a bit judgmental

Donahue has lost the confrontation; he gives Book a smile:

DONAHUE

You ought to think about coming back

to Homicide, Johnny… Stick with

Internal Affairs and you’re not gonna

have any friends left.

BOOK

(smiles right back)

I’ll buy a dog.

NOTE: Character delivered. The tough guy H. Ford is famous for is repeated here in the character of Book

EXT. 30TH ST. STATION – NIGHT

Book emerges from the terminal, looks about him, then crosses

to a big Mercury Sedan which is parked nearby. Two men sit

in the front seat. Book crosses to the driver’s side and

opens the door.

BOOK

Go get a cup of coffee, Stan.

The driver, a uniformed policeman, glances at the man beside

him who nods in agreement. He gets out and Book gets in behind

the wheel.

INT. SEDAN

Book sits next to SCHAEFFER, a surprisingly kindly looking

man of about fifty. Schaeffer is a Deputy Chief.

SCHAEFFER

How reliable is this kid?

BOOK

Oh, he’s good.

SCHAEFFER

Amish.

BOOK

Yeah.

SCHAEFFER

What have you got?

BOOK

Zenovitch was about to deliver a

list of names tonight – street

chemists… the guys processing this

P2P into speed.

SCHAEFFER

So one of them got to him.

NOTE: Purposeful dialogue

BOOK

Maybe.

SCHAEFFER

You know who?

BOOK

Maybe.

SCHAEFFER

You’re still convinced there’s a

link to the department?

BOOK

If there isn’t I’ve just wasted the

last six months.

SCHAEFFER

That’s the problem. We need results.

The press is driving us crazy over

this P2P thing. Calling us the ‘speed

capitol of the country’. You know

the sort of thing. It’s getting

political. The Commissioner’s getting

very uneasy.

NOTE: More purposeful dialogue is delivered

BOOK

The Amish boy saw him, Paul. I’ll

make it, but Set Donahue and the

Homicide Department off my back or

they’ll blow the whole thing.

SCHAEFFER

When word gets out that Zenovitch

was a cop, all hell will break lose.

You’ve got 24 hours. That’s all I

can give you. 24 hours on your own.

After that the case and the witness

go back to the Homicide Department.

NOTE: More information: Zenovitch was an undercover cop. A countdown/timeframe is established for Book to fulfill

SCHAEFFER

(shakes his head)

Tell you what… why don’t you and

that blonde – what’s-her-name – come

over for dinner Sunday. How ’bout

that.

BOOK

What’s-her-name moved to Buffalo.

NOTE: Purposeful dialogue – It sets up a romance in the future. Gives information on Book’s love life who is now single

SCHAEFFER

(sighs)

Well, anyway, don’t get crazy.

(dismisses him)

I’ll do something for Zenovich’s

wife.

INT. BOOK’S CAR (MOVING) PHILADELPHIA – NIGHT

Book drives around 13th Street, a ravaged corridor between

neon lit restaurants, bars, porno shops and darkened

storefronts.

Carter sits beside him, Rachel and her son in the back seat

looking out at the assorted array of desperate characters

huddled in doorways or wandering aimlessly about. On the

POLICE RADIO a description of the cop killing is BROADCAST

EVERY FEW MINUTES.

CARTER

I got there late, John.

BOOK

Let’s just find Coalmine.

(beat)

Listen, Zenovich made a mistake. You

didn’t let anybody down. It happens

NOTE: Purposeful dialogue. A mistake was made that cost the cop his life.

–

CARTER

(grimly)

It won’t happen again.

RACHEL

Where are you taking us?

BOOK

We’re looking for a suspect. We’ve

reason to believe he’s still in the

area.

RACHEL

You have no right to keep us here.

BOOK

Yes I do. Your son is a material

witness to a homicide.

RACHEL

You don’t understand, we have nothing

to do with your laws!

NOTE: In this one sentence character is delivered about Rachel and how she feels the Amish don’t have to live by the same rules as the rest of society.

BOOK

Doesn’t surprise me. I meet a lot of

people like that.

NOTE: Character is delivered about Book and having to deal with lawless criminals

RACHEL

It’s not a joke.

Book decides to try contrition:

BOOK

You’re right. It’s not a joke. Listen,

I know a little about the Amish. I

know this has to be an ordeal for

you; and I’m really sorry you an

Samuel got involved.

Samuel shoots a look at Book then mutters something to his

mother in German. She responds in the same language. Book

frowns.

BOOK

What was that?

RACHEL

He wants to know who you are. Your

name. I told him we don’t need to

know anything about you.

Book eyes Samuel:

BOOK

Book. John Book

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Hope/Fear in action – Day 6

Having hope and fear, reactions to actions and then more chain reactions can help to create emotional scenes.

ELIZABETH BAILEY – Loving, Assertive, Vengeful

Subtext: Sorrow

Elizabeth’s Daughter Karen was killed. She does everything she can to numb the pain, she can’t let go and creates a group set out on revenge.

DESK SERGEANT MANNING – Stubborn, short-sighted

The face of Police Department, the first one you see. She prides herself in being a guard dog that people seldom get past.

MARY AHEARN – Believes in others in order to believe in herself

A fellow bereaved Mother, she finds her faith and strength through others, it’s what propels and sustains her.

MAYOR DOWNING – Self involved, Misogynist

A relic from bygone days of power, the Mayor belongs to that same ‘good ol’ boys’ club. He thinks women and their needs are irrelevant and silly, but knows how to schmooze the ‘stupid’ ones for their votes.

SITUATION: Elizabeth is trying to get the Police attention on the Bounty Hunters destruction when their path to their 10,000.00 civil lawsuit claims are obstructed or impeded.

GOAL: For the O.L.L. (Operation Life List) members to be arrested and tried for their crimes.

THREAT: Police aren’t taking her seriously, they ignore and excuse her away as a grief stricken Mother.

SCENE STRUCTURE:

A. Elizabeth goes into the police station to give them a tip on who possibly killed her Daughter

B. She is denied access to any investigator, the front desk Sergeant takes her complaint

C. Elizabeth tries to find ways to get the authorities to pay attention.

HOPE/FEAR STRUCTURE:

(FEAR) A. Elizabeth goes to the police station to seek out Detective Farras.

(HOPE) B. She insists that the desk Sergeant take her message to Detective Karras. Elizabeth sees her take the message.

(FEAR) C. Elizabeth is told by Mary that they are blowing smoke and she needs to take more action.

(HOPE) D. They decide to call the Mayor.

(FEAR) E. The Mayor yanks her chain with empty platitudes. Then yells at his Secretary. Mary says “more smoke”, they must do more to not be shut down.

(HOPE) F. Elizabeth, Mary and a couple volunteers hand out fliers in front of police headquarters, charging the OLL of being an assassins network.

(FEAR) G. OLL members strong-arm and grab their fliers. A couple police officers come out and tell Elizabeth they cannot pass out such propaganda without proof, as it’s defaming the OLL.

(HOPE) H. Elizabeth is told by her support group friends not to give up. They will protest with her to get attention. “You can’t give up”. They peacefully protest.

(FEAR) I. Police come out in riot gear with clubs, shields and stun guns. Police warn them of unlawful assembly. The Protesters ignore the police and get louder. The police arrest them all.

(HOPE) J. All the women in the holding tank join together in conversation of what Elizabeth should do next. Elizabeth’s thoughts are sparked by a lady who told her to “turn right back around and do unto them that do onto you”. This is the genesis of deciding to take matters into her own hands.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS, FRONT DESK – DAY

Elizabeth and Mary AHEARN, another bereaved Mother, walk into Police Headquarters and approaches the front desk being operated by SERGEANT MANNING, she is the loyal watchful eyes and ears of the department, she recognizes Elizabeth.

SERGEANT MANNING:

Mrs. Bailey, as I’ve told you before, the Detectives are out in the field, if you have information you’d like to give us, you need to leave it on the tip line and it will be fully investigated.

ELIZABETH:

I have left messages on the tip line but no one calls me back.

SERGEANT MANNING:

I’m sorry Ma’am, those are the procedures we all follow.

ELIZABETH:

Could you please leave Detective Karras a message for me?

Sergeant Manning hesitates.

ELIZABETH (cont.): I’ve done everything you’ve asked three times over. As a citizen I ask that you please leave a message for me.

Sergeant Manning takes a pad and pen in hand. She looks at Elizabeth with a deadpan face.

SERGEANT MANNING:

Yes, what is it.

ELIZABETH:

Please tell her that I have strong information that is substantiated by my support group.

Sergeant Manning stops and looks at her incredulously. Elizabeth gestures for the Sergeant to continue writing.

ELIZABETH:

She has my phone number but I’ll leave it again anyway. It’s 210-555-1234. Please repeat that back to me.

Elizabeth listens intently.

SERGEANT MANNING:

I have strong information that is substantiated by my support group. Telephone number 210-555-1234.

Sergeant Manning is continuing to write.

ELIZABETH:

And my name is Elizabeth Bailey.

SERGEANT MANNING:

Yes, I know, Elizabeth Bailey.

ELIZABETH:

Thank you.

SERGEANT MANNING:

You’re welcome.

Sergeant Manning cracks a smile to her and Mary as they turn to leave. The Sergeant tears out the message from the pad, wads it up and throws it into the trash.

SERGEANT MANNING (sotto):

Now, two crazy women!

EXT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Elizabeth and Mary exit the headquarters.

MARY:

You can’t stop here Liz.

Mary stops, takes her cell phone out of her purse and hits a number. Ten audible tones are heard. Elizabeth looks at her.

MARY:

The Mayor. I have him on speed dial. Squeaky wheel.

Mary winks. Elizabeth nods in agreement.

MAYOR’S SECRETARY, JAN, VO:

Mayor Downing’s office. How may I help you.

MARY:

This is Mary Ahearn again, one of the Mayor’s most influential supporters, I’d like to speak to him please.

Elizabeth looks at Mary lifting her eyebrow in dissatisfaction. Mary cuffs her phone.

MARY (Sotto):

I’ve never voted for him. It’s the only way to get through.

MAYOR DOWNING, a rotund good ol’ boy from a bygone era answers the phone.

MAYOR DOWNING:

Yes, Mary, what can I do for my valuable voter?

He s grimaces like a child forced to drink castor oil. Mary passes the phone to Elizabeth.

ELIZABETH:

Mr. Mayor, my name is Elizabeth Bailey, and my Daughter was–

Mayor Downing is looking at his golf magazine. He turns a page.

MAYOR DOWNING:

Yes, oh, I am so sorry for your loss.

He continues to look at his magazine, and circles a putter on a page.

MAYOR DOWNING:

Oh yes, Mrs. Bailey, I will see what I can do. Thank you for calling. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

He hangs up the phone and anger registers on his face.

MAYOR DOWNING (cont.):

What da ya think I can do about it lady! Jan! Field the calls better or find another job! You got it!?

JAN, VO:

Yes, sir!

Elizabeth and Mary open their purses and pull out a few stacks of fliers.

INSERT:

The flier reads: OLL are killing our children for the sake of an embryo.

MONTAGE:

They walk to the sidewalk and start passing out the fliers. Many people read them, some keep them, some wad them up, some are walked on. A small group of OLL members grab the fliers away from the ladies and run off with them. The ladies run in different directions to chase them.

Another day Elizabeth and Mary are back in front of Police Headquarters with many members of their support group. They now have big signs that read “Operation Life List are ‘our’ babies killers” and “OLL are the real killers, they hunt down our girls like prey”. They are protesting. Elizabeth has a bullhorn.

ELIZABETH:

OLL is killing our girls over an embryo! Ten thousand cash is all it takes.

She repeats this chant while the crowd cries out “The state deputizes OLL who hunts down our girls like prey” and OLL are the real killers.

Two police officers come out of Headquarters and approach Elizabeth. One is Sergeant Manning.

SERGEANT MANNING:

Mrs. Bailey, do you have a permit to protest here?

ELIZABETH:

We don’t need a permit, this is free speech!

SERGEANT MANNING:

Free speech rights do not extend to defamatory allegations and statements, which you are clearly doing.

The chanting continues only louder now.

ELIZABETH:

You had your chance to help us.

Elizabeth turns her back on Sergeant Manning. She chants even louder and holds her sign up as high as she can get it.

SERGEANT MANNING:

This has clearly become unlawful assembly. Disburse now! Disburse now or you will all be arrested.

The chanting grows even louder, and a couple bad actors are heard challenging the police. Then others chime in with cursing the police. As more police rush out of the building they begin arresting the protesters.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS, HOLDING CELL – LATER

Standing room only in the women’s holding cell. They are still riled up. Women who were not at the protest also chime in.

MARY:

We got em’ by the balls.

ELIZABETH:

Is it lost on you where we’re sitting right now? Who’s got who by the balls?

MARY:

We do! This will go out on the evening news. People will finally know what is really going on. They’ll know they’re hunting down our girls like prey for money, and some, like our Daughters, get killed.

The women unanimously agree and speak over each other in anger.

WOMAN 1:

You can’t give up now.

WOMAN 2:

There’s more than one way to warn the scent of a skunk.

WOMAN 3:

Turn right back around and do unto them that do onto you.

MARY:

Amen Sister!

A light bulb goes off for Elizabeth. She smiles.

ELIZABETH:

I’ll do just that, and I think I know how.

Lots of cheers are heard and high fives are
seen.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Hooks – Day 4

Hooks are important to have in your scenes or story as a whole. It creates questions by visuals, action dialogue. The best hooks to have are driving stakes higher throughout.

Character Name: Elizabeth Bailey
Subtext Identity: Vengeful
Character Traits: Loving, Assertive, Sorrowful
Subtext Logline: Elizabeth finds momentary relief in alcohol.

Character Name: Charles Wright
Subtext Identity: Committed, Withholding
Character Traits: Grounded, Ethical, Loyal
Subtext Logline: Charles loves Elizabeth and is committed to her recovery and healing.

INT. ELIZABETH AND CHARLE’S HOME – MORNING

Elizabeth is sitting on the couch. She looks despondent staring at a blank television screen.

CHARLES: (carefully) What’ya looking at Hon?

ELIZABETH: I can’t keep on like this.

Charles goes to hold her. She rises up quickly out of his grasp. Charles looks perplexed.

ELIZABETH: It’s the same old story.

Elizabeth is now in front of the liquor cabinet. She stares at it adoringly, she strokes the sides of the cabinet and looks relieved. Then all at once she looks anguished and defeated. Putting her head on the liquor cabinet’s glass she rocks back and forth. With frustration growing inside her she slams her head against the glass and shatters it. Charles jumps towards her trying to help. She signals him to stop.

ELIZABETH: You can’t save me!

She grabs a fifth of whiskey likes it’s her dearest friend. Quickly she takes the cap off and starts to gulp it down. Charles sits back down frustrated.

CHARLES: Has that helped?

Elizabeth turns to him, traces of blood streaming down her face. Charles can’t stand to see it, he looks down.

ELIZABETH: No! Thus me saying “I can’t go on like this” asshole!

A hint of upset registers on Charles’ face.

CHARLES: I’m here for you E.

ELIZABETH: (sarcastically) I’m here for you E, I’m here for you E. Fuck you and every goddamn other person on this planet!

Elizabeth sinks into the couch away from Charles. She continues to hug the whiskey bottle.

ELIZABETH: (much calmer) It’s not working anymore Charlie, I have to do my own thing.

She starts drinking more.

ELIZABETH (cont.): Goddamn!

CHARLES: I think we need professional help.

ELIZABETH: Nothing’s going to help. It’s over. Our life. (beat) Our happiness. It’s over.

Charles goes to Elizabeth and wraps his arm around her. She is in agony and crying.

CHARLES: We don’t know until we try.

Elizabeth is sobbing hysterically now, still hugging her fifth.

ELIZABETH: My baby.

She wails. Charles holds her tightly as they rock back and forth.

CHARLES: I love you and I’m gonna fight for you.

Elizabeth still sobbing takes a few moments and then sobs in agreement.

CHARLES: We can go to a session tomorrow. Can you fight instead?

Elizabeth angrily throws the bottle of whiskey against the wall.

ELIZABETH: (through tears) I can. I can fight. I can fight!

CHARLES: That’s my girl!

He hugs her, she is still crying but she has a small glimmer of relief and hope on her face.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING HALLWAY – EVENING

Charles and Elizabeth approach a sign that reads:

INSERT:

Grief Counseling:

Living with Loss

Welcome, please come in.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Final Scene! – Day 9

REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK EXCHANGE

VERONICA BERNAL is a bright young woman who’s goal is to earn a degree and to ultimately follow her career path.

CARLOS RIOS is an opportunist who will do whatever it takes to achieve his desires.

The subtext scene design I picked:

C. Something is off
D. No one wants to tell the person

INT. SERVICE KING, CUSTOMER SERVICE COUNTER – DAY

Veronica walks into the Service King and approaches the front desk. SHEILA, who could be a beauty queen is manning the desk.

SHEILA: Hi, can I help you?

VERONICA: Yes please, is Carlos Rios around?

SHEILA: Sure, can I tell him what it’s about?

VERONICA: I’d just like to speak to him for a few minutes please.

Sheila has a look of concern on her face, but smiles.

SHEILA: Sure.

Sheila calls an extension.

SHEILA (cont.): Carlos, someone up here wants to see you.

Sheila hangs up the phone.

SHEILA: (cont.): He’ll be right up.

VERONICA: Thank you.

Veronica finds a chair to sit in. Sheila pretends she’s not exerting her peripheral vision towards Veronica . Veronica watches the TV on the wall while waiting for Carlos to show up.

Carlos approaches the glass door and stops abruptly. He mouths ‘oh shit’. Sheila sees him and cuts him down with her eyes. He takes a breath and walks into the lobby. Veronica stands to greet him. Sheila watches them like a hawk.

VERONICA: Hi Carlos, do you have a minute to talk?

CARLOS: (stammers) Yeah, a minute. Let’s go out here.

Carlos leads her into the car bay area, his back is to Sheila. Veronica observes Sheila watching them.

VERONICA: I’ve been trying to get a hold of you, I haven’t heard from you, you get my calls?

CARLOS: No, don’t think so.

VERONICA: I thought it’d be nice if we go out Saturday night, I have some things to talk to you about and I miss you.

Veronica tries to hug Carlos. He gently frees himself and nonchalantly glances back towards Sheila.

CARLOS: Uh, Saturday’s not good.

VERONICA: Sunday?

Carlos is clearly being evasive. Veronica is feeling shut down.

CARLOS: I’ve been busy, and will be for a while.

VERONICA: Me too…been busy. Would you like to see how busy I was?

Veronica takes four white sticks out of her purse. She puts them right up to his face.

VERONICA (cont.): Do you want to know what this means?

CARLOS: No, but I have a feeling you’re gonna to tell me.

VERONICA: The plus signs mean ‘a bun in the oven’. All four of em’ Carlos. Pluses!

No response from Carlos. He folds his arms and looks towards the ground.

Sheila walks out and passes by them slowly, she is a few feet behind Veronica now. She clearly is listening. Carlos glances at her.

VERONICA: I don’t want to go this alone.

CARLOS: (sheepishly) Well, I don’t know what you want from me?

VERONICA: You said you were sterile.

Sheila hears this and gasps, she shoots a look past Veronica onto Carlos. Carlos takes Veronica’s arm to guide them farther away from Sheila’s ears.

CARLOS: You’re a big girl, we both had a good time. Right?

VERONICA: It’s not a good time now, and I ask that you take equal responsibility for whatever happens. I need–

CARLOS: No, no, no, no, I don’t–

VERONICA: You’re man enough to have sex, you should be man enough to —

CARLOS: Look, I didn’t force you to have sex, you wanted it too.

VERONICA: I asked you to put a condom on and you insisted you were sterile, have you no conscious? You need to help me pay for a doctor visit and whatever else transpires.

CARLOS: Or what? What’ll you do?

VERONICA: Carlos, it takes two, two to make it, and two to deal with it.

CARLOS: I’ve gotta get back to work now.

VERONICA: I’m gonna need help dealing with this. I’ll get it from you one way or another.

Carlos starts to walk off, then turns back to her as an after thought.

CARLOS: You should be more careful. Men love gullible girls like you.

VERONICA: You know, if you men could get pregnant, abortion would be the law of the land, but you can’t, so it’s not, (shouts) so your penis owes me half of what this is gonna cost me!

Carlos starts walking back into the reception area, Veronica turns to Sheila.

VERONICA: Prince Charming is all yours!

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Multiple Meanings – Day 8

By learning how to use multiple meanings it helps increase the scenes emotional levels. Seeing different perspectives keeps viewers engaged on each individual’s dilemma, state, thoughts and inner feelings. It creates more dimensions to a scene.

SITUATION:

Cassidy and Simon will be leaving for a much needed two-day getaway. They haven’t had any time alone since Cassidy’s 90 year-old Grandmother, Mabel, came to live with them four years ago. Their 13 year-old Daughter, Celeste, is precocious and has started puberty. To feel more assured and at peace with leaving both Mabel and Celeste behind, Cassidy and Simon arrange for Celeste’s longtime sitter, Barbara, to come stay at the house while they’re gone.

CHARACTERS:

Cassidy and Simon (both early 40’s) need to get away together to enjoy some time alone as a couple. They are concerned that if there was an emergency, Cassidy’s Grandmother, who lives with them, would not be strong enough physically or quick enough mentally to thwart it. They know Celeste is not mature enough to face or to be able to handle an emergency if one arose. They are also concerned that she is not mature enough to make solid responsible decisions yet.

Mabel (90) is happy the two are going on a short retreat, this will give her time alone with Celeste and they can have the house to themselves for a moment. Ah, the nagging of putting everything in its place will be a thing of the past for two days. The stringent regimen of exercise Cassidy makes her do will be put on hold, yay. The dry chicken and the healthy meals can go bye-bye for two days, and instead they will eat junk food to their hearts content.

Celeste (13) is excited that her parents are leaving for a couple of days. This will give her time by herself, videos games marathon with friends sleeping over, pizza delivery, boys, oh the joy!

Barbara (17) is relieved she’ll be making much needed extra Christmas money for gifts. Her part time job is just not cutting it and this two-day gig will really bring in some cash. The icing on the cake is the Grandma will be in her room and Celeste won’t care if she brings her boyfriend along to stay with her. She hopes the two days of playing house by pretending the place is theirs, will help him see that they need to move in together.

The different motivations and/or perspectives:
– Cassidy and Simon want a vacation alone

– Celeste wants to party

– Mabel wants time alone with Celeste and no household constraints

– Barbara wants to play house with her boyfriend and earn extra money

How they oppose each other in some way:
– Cassidy and Simon will not let Celeste and Mabel stay home alone for the two days.

– Celeste wants the place to herself (without Mabel needing attention), for fun with her friends and videos games.

– Mabel doesn’t want Celeste to have friends over, she wants to spend time alone with her great granddaughter.

– Barbara wants to be able to feel that the house is hers and her boyfriend’s, having other people around will be a thorn in her side.

Evoked individual meanings for each character based on their motivation and/or perspective:
– The news from Cassidy and Simon that Barbara will be joining Mabel and Celeste for the weekend are experienced in this way:

– Mabel is very hurt. She no longer feels trusted to be competent or capable, she feels irrelevant.

– Celeste feels resentful that she’s being treated like a child, and rebels against her parents decision.

– Barbara is excited and happy to play house with her boyfriend and make good money for a two-day job, until….

– The Parents feel assured and relieved that their young Daughter and their Grandmother will have someone around in case something happens.

INT. HOME – DINING ROOM – EVENING

Cassidy, Simon, Celeste and Mabel are eating at the dinner table, Barbara, the neighbor is eating too.

CASSIDY: Okay, so, we’re all set to go, we’ll be leaving early in the morning and Barbara will be here starting at 10 am.

BARBARA: Yes, Ma’am.

MABEL: What is Barbara starting?

CASSIDY: She’ll be staying here with you and Celeste while we’re gone.

Both Mabel and Celeste’s forks make a loud clank as they both drop them on their china plates. Cassidy looks surprised.

CASSIDY: I’m sorry, you two have something to say?

Celeste and Mabel are so out of sorts they talk over each other.

CELESTE: A babysitter!? I’m no baby!

MABEL: A babysitter!? She’s a child!

CELESTE: She’s almost my age!

MABEL: I was a decorated Engineer when you were kicking slats out of your baby crib! Now you think ‘I’ need a BABYSITTER! I am so insulted!

Mabel stands to leave the table, she falters on her feet as Simon quickly comes to her aide, Mabel regains herself.

CASSIDY: That right there is the only reason we feel it best to have someone around, in case one of you get into a pickle.

Mabel is still clearly upset.

MABEL: You get to a certain age and your feelings don’t matter anymore.

CELESTE: Can I at least have my friends over?

Mabel says to Celeste.

MABEL: I had plans for you and me kid.

Celeste looks at her Mom.

CASSIDY: No one is to come into the house. No one here but you, GrandNana, and Barbara. We all clear on that? No one.

BARBARA’S POV:

Barbara
feels deflated and her hopes are dashed for her and her boyfriend playing house
together, the closeness she was counting on. Mabel has a look of resignation on her face at first, but then finds a hopeful grin as she squeezes Celeste’s arm gently, looking forward to them spending time together alone. Celeste is angry and resentful, crossing her arms while giving
the evil eye to her Mom and Dad shooting darts at them back and forth, she
throws her dinner roll at the center of the table for dramatic effect and gets
up and storms out. Simon winks at
Cassidy that all will be okay…eventually.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Directional FOS patterns – Day 7

This exercise helped with precision of meaning. It definitely made the scene more interesting when I worked on the six figures of speech after figuring out the designs of the scene. I also tried to write the scene in a more interesting place. Originally (in my outline), Veronica calls Carlos from her home with the news. This new location added more texture to the scene and was by far a more interesting choice.

I designed the scene for subtext with:

C. Something is off
D. No one wants to tell the person

INT. SERVICE KING, CUSTOMER SERVICE COUNTER – DAY

Veronica walks into the Service King and approaches the front desk. SHEILA, who could be a beauty queen is manning the desk.

SHEILA: Hi, can I help you?

VERONICA: Yes please, is Carlos Rios around?

SHEILA: Sure, can I tell him what it’s about?

VERONICA: I’d just like to speak to him for a few minutes please.

Sheila has a look of concern on her face, but smiles.

SHEILA: Sure.

Sheila calls an extension.

SHEILA (cont.): Carlos, someone up here wants to see you.

Sheila hangs up the phone.

SHEILA: (cont.): He’ll be right up.

VERONICA: Thank you.

Veronica finds a chair to sit in. Sheila pretends she’s not exerting her peripheral vision towards Veronica . Veronica watches the TV on the wall while waiting for Carlos to show up.

Carlos approaches the glass door and stops abruptly. He mouths ‘oh shit’. Sheila sees him and cuts him down with her eyes. He takes a breath and walks into the lobby. Veronica stands to greet him. Sheila watches them like a hawk.

VERONICA: Hi Carlos, do you have a minute to talk?

CARLOS: (stammers) Yeah, a minute. Let’s go out here.

Carlos leads her into the car bay area, his back is to Sheila. Veronica observes Sheila watching them.

VERONICA: I’ve been trying to get a hold of you, I haven’t heard from you, you get my calls?

CARLOS: No, don’t think so.

VERONICA: I thought it’d be nice if we go out Saturday night, I have some things to talk to you about and I miss you.

Veronica tries to hug Carlos. He gently frees himself and nonchalantly glances back towards Sheila.

CARLOS: Uh, Saturday’s not good.

VERONICA: Sunday?

Carlos is clearly being evasive. Veronica is feeling shut down.

CARLOS: I’ve been busy, and will be for a while.

VERONICA: Me too…been busy. Would you like to see how busy I was?

Veronica takes four white sticks out of her purse. She puts them right up to his face.

VERONICA (cont.): Do you want to know what this means?

CARLOS: No, but I have a feeling you’re gonna to tell me.

VERONICA: The plus signs mean ‘a bun in the oven’. All four of em’ Carlos. Pluses!

Metaphor and an implication: She’s saying that she’s tested positive on four pregnancy tests.

No response from Carlos. He folds his arms and looks towards the ground.

Sheila walks out and passes by them slowly, she is a few feet behind Veronica now. She clearly is listening. Carlos glances at her.

VERONICA: I don’t want to go this alone.

CARLOS: (sheepishly) Well, I don’t know what you want from me?

VERONICA: You said you were sterile.

Sheila hears this and gasps, she shoots a look past Veronica onto Carlos. Carlos takes Veronica’s arm to guide them farther away from Sheila’s ears.

CARLOS: You’re a big girl, we both had a good time. Right?

Insinuation: You know the game, why would you trust someone’s word when it comes to sex.

VERONICA: It’s not a good time now, and I ask that you take equal responsibility for whatever happens. I need–

CARLOS: No, no, no, no, I don’t–

VERONICA: You’re man enough to have sex, you should be man enough to —

Implication and Sarcasm: She’s saying to not be a whimpy scared little boy and face your responsibilities.

CARLOS: Look, I didn’t force you to have sex, you wanted it too.

VERONICA: I asked you to put a condom on and you insisted you were sterile, have you no conscious? You need to help me pay for a doctor visit and whatever else transpires.

CARLOS: Or what? What’ll you do?

VERONICA: Carlos, it takes two, two to make it, and two to deal with it.

CARLOS: I’ve gotta get back to work now.

VERONICA: I’m gonna need help dealing with this. I’ll get it from you one way or another.

Hint: An attorney, strong-arming, anything it will take for him to pay his fair share she’ll do.

Carlos starts to walk off, then turns back to her as an after thought.

CARLOS: You should be more careful. Men love gullible girls like you.

Sarcasm and Allusion: Carlos states the possibility that Veronica will continue to fall for bullshit lines he and other guys give her.

VERONICA: You know, if you men could get pregnant, abortion would be the law of the land, but you can’t, so it’s not, (shouts) so your penis owes me half of what this is gonna cost me!

Allusion: Alluding that she’s going to have an abortion.

Carlos starts walking back into the reception area, Veronica turns to Sheila.

VERONICA: Prince Charming is all yours!

Metaphor and sarcasm: The guy’s not Mr. Right, he’s a real creep, good
luck to you, you’ll need it.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Subtext Scene – Day 4

You can create subtext in a scene with using one or more of the six scene designs for subtext.

1. The background: It is a sweet sixteen surprise birthday party. The Mother made arrangements with one of her Daughter’s friend’s to help her with the guest list and to entertain them as they arrive for the party. The Mother does some stalling practices with her Daughter outside the home until the time the party begins.

2. Basic subtext questions:

A. The meaning of the subtext: To keep the secret from being found out.

B. The cover-up: Is keeping the Daughter distracted until all guests arrive, but it creates a complication because the Daughter doesn’t want to be there with her Mother, she wants to be at her friend’s house, (she doesn’t know her friend will be at her house for the party). The Daughter becomes stubborn and insistent which makes the Mother somewhat regret her special plan for her Daughter.

C. When will the meaning be revealed: It is revealed in the very beginning as the friend keeps the Mother informed on the phone who has arrived and who is still expected.

D. How will the meaning be revealed: In the end when the Mother and Daughter are approaching the front porch, the Daughter continues to act like a total brat screaming at her that she’s missing the get-together that her friend is having on her birthday and she doesn’t want to be home with her (Mother). Why couldn’t she just have dropped her off at her friend’s house? she shouts. The Mother opens the door and her friends and a couple of invited parents pretend they don’t hear the girl having a tantrum outside, and shout out “Happy Birthday”! The Mother and the Daughter are both embarrassed.

3. The scene designs for subtext:

A. Misinterpretation: The Daughter is operating from an assumption, and also from wrong information about a friend having a get-together.

D. No one wants to tell the person: The Mom ‘feels’ like telling her Daughter so she’ll stop acting bratty, as she has done throughout the afternoon.

E. A plot against another person: It was supposed to be a good plot but became wearing on the Mother.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Dialogue Cover-ups – Day 6

Interesting. With the cover up choices it became clear that you are choosing how long you want your scene to be. An abrupt ending? or take it to more emotional depths? I think the choice would depend on the story itself as a whole.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Sheila and Tom are seated at a table, it is lunchtime. They have recently started dating.

SHEILA: Tom, I need to have a talk with you.

TOM: Something wrong sweetheart?

SHELA: It’s not you, it’s me.

TOM: Uh, that’s the world’s oldest break up line, you’re breaking up with me?

SHEILA: I’m sorry Tom, but I feel it’s time for us to see other people (beat), but we’ll still be friends.

– Silence:

Tom throws down his fork and walks out.

– Action incongruent with words:

“Isn’t this great”, He scoots down in his chair and crosses his arms, shaking his head.

– Change subject:

“So, where do you want to go for dinner tomorrow night?”

– Attack back:

“You ain’t so great yourself sweetie. You just beat me to the punch”.

– Compliment them:

“I’ll never find any one as special as you”.

– Threaten them:

“You leave me and you’ll have hell to pay. I’ll become your worst nightmare.”

– Confirm something they already believe whether it’s true or not:

“You don’t think we belong together?”

– Misdirection: Do or say something that sends their mind in a different direction:

He gets down on his knees, “Will you marry me?” She is embarrassed as onlookers smile and clap.

– Inappropriate reaction to an emotional event:

He laughs hysterically

– Distraction:

“Ooh, there’s our pizza, I’m so hungry, how about you?”.

– Make a joke of it

He chuckles “Years from now our kids will have a good laugh at this”

– Continue the conversation as if nothing happened.

“So, what looks good to you? (beat) I’m really hungry”.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Sheila and Tom are eating lunch. They have recently started dating.

SHEILA: Tom, I need to have a talk with you.

TOM: Something wrong sweetheart?

SHELA: It’s not you, it’s me.

TOM: Uh, that’s the world’s oldest break up line, you’re breaking up with me?

SHEILA: I’m sorry Tom, but I feel it’s time for us to see other people (beat), but we’ll still be friends.

I chose: Silence: Tom throws down his fork and walks out.

This choice is a clear
ending of the scene, but many of the others would have created more directions
to take this scene emotionally.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Subtext relationship – Day 3

One thing I realized is I was intermingling my SCL with the story logline in some cases. By being clear on your character’s subtext and creating a strong SCL you can create more situations for their subtext throughout the story.

David’s SCL: David takes advantage of his Uncle who has dementia. Being his power of attorney, he is in full control of his Uncle’s money and can now afford the luxuries he craves. Afraid someone will come between him and his Uncle’s money he has a full spy cam system installed.

Keith’s SCL: Keith is an insecure control freak who always looks for a situation or people he can order around. Pretends he listens to others but he just gathers information to object to. He plays people for acceptance.

Mike’s SCL: Mike is resentful and angry at Keith’s behavior but vowed to himself to not push back because it would create conflict, and he wants to enjoy his visit with his friend Terry.

Terry’s SCL: He resents his Nephew, David, for controlling his life. He is short and cantankerous with him. He also resents that not one thing in this new home, that he is forced to live in with his Nephew, has not a trace of him or his belongings other than his little bedroom.

INT. HOME, KITCHEN – EARLY EVENING

TERRY, 80’s, diplomatic and genuine, has developed dementia and had to move to another state to live with his Nephew DAVID, 40’s, a control freak gone wild. Two of Terry’s friends have shared expenses to take a road trip to visit him from Terry’s home state. David’s home could be featured in Better Homes and Gardens, as it’s decorated beautifully. He is the ultimate host even when he’s not home. Unfortunately, not one item of Terry’s personality is displayed anywhere, no trace of Terry living there; no remnants or favorite furniture, anything from his old home.

The refrigerator is stacked with pre-made meals for lunches and dinners, enough to last the week. KEITH, 50’s, Henny Penny, the sky is falling incarnate, decides to heat the lasagna unbeknownst to MIKE, 50’s, laid back but cynical. Mike is making a sandwich. There is enough food to last through Keith’s and Mike’s visit.

KEITH: The lasagna will be ready in 50 minutes.

MIKE: I’m not a lasagna person.

KEITH: But all the meals are planned. They’ll go bad.

MIKE: Enough already, five days of this, we’re all adults here.

Mike becomes frosty with Keith.

KEITH: I can’t help it that Dave let me use his room and not you.

Mike looks at him sarcastically, as if he’s nutty.

Terry gets up from the kitchen table and goes over to the fridge.

KEITH: I have the lasagna in the oven Terry.

TERRY: Why would you do that? You’re ‘my’ guest.

KEITH: Dave asked me to.

TERRY: He controls me even when he’s not here.

KEITH: He’ll be back soon.

TERRY: Oh, fine, just what I wanted.

MIKE: You have the gift card ready?

KEITH: Yeah, I put on an extra fifty. So, used the full amount you gave me.

Mike doesn’t say anything, but is clearly not happy.

TERRY: I’m going to make a cheese dip, how does that sound.

KEITH: I don’t think you should do that, we have lasagna–.

TERRY: Didn’t you hear me, I don’t want lasagna.

MIKE: Cheese dip sounds great Terry.

Mike glares at Keith, who is clueless of Terry’s need to feel useful.

MIKE: (Sotto) Way to take his dignity away.

Terry’s head is in the fridge, and he’s shuffling food around.

TERRY: What?

MIKE: We said we’re hungry for cheese dip.

Terry becomes overwhelmed and frustrated.

TERRY: I can’t find it! I saw it an hour ago.

MIKE: It could be in the cupboard Terry.

TERRY: Yeah, I’ll look there.

KEITH: I’ll get it.

Mike can’t believe his ears. Why is Keith so clueless?

MIKE: Could you please go get the gift card, I’d like to sign it before Dave gets here.

KEITH: Sure.

Keith goes into the bedroom he is using as Terry scours the cupboards.

TERRY: Oh, here it is!

He brings out peanut butter and jelly.

MIKE: Cool, a good PB and J sandwich to hit the spot.

Keith comes back into the Kitchen with the gift card.

KEITH: I thought you wanted —

MIKE: We changed our minds.

Mike shakes his head to Keith.

KEITH: Well, if we eat sandwiches the rest of the food will go bad.

David walks down the hallway.

DAVE: Hey, all. Whew, what’s that great smell!? Lasagna?

He walks into the kitchen to join the three.

DAVE: Terry, why are you making a peanut butter sandwich?

TERRY: Cause that’s what I want to do, do you mind!?

Somewhat laughing sarcastically.

DAVE: Jeez, didn’t mean to upset you.

Keith approaches Dave with the card, without the opportunity for Mike to sign it.

KEITH: Here Dave, for all you’ve done for us this week, I wanted to give you a thank you.

Mike recites what he would have said in the card:

MIKE: Yes, WE wanted to give you a formal thank you for your wonderful hospitality.

Dave opens the card and reads it, then looks at the gift card.

DAVE: Wow, One fifty at my favorite restaurant is a lot, but I’m so glad you did. Thank you guys.

KEITH: Well, we went to the steakhouse around the corner–

MIKE: And it looked like a Denny’s so we passed on that one–

KEITH: I was worried we wouldn’t find a place you like, but found out you really like the one here better, I kept calling but no one called me back, I was worried they wouldn’t sell gift cards, so I went down personally and spoke to a Manager and a Hostess. It took a couple of days, but I was able to get it. I put an extra fifty on it.

DAVE: Well, thanks again, I’ve got to go get ready for my date. I need the room for a while Keith.

KEITH: I don’t need it.

Dave exits the room.

MIKE: You got? You did? There were two of us in that scenario, I’m on a budget Keith. You didn’t bother asking me if I was okay with the extra money.

KEITH: Well, you didn’t come with me when I bought it and I needed to make a decision right away, so I decided.

MIKE: You should have asked.

KEITH: (sarcastically) Well, if you want I’ll give you the extra twenty five that you gave me back.

MIKE: Yeah, that works.

Tenseness fills the room. Without a word Keith left the room.

TERRY: (laughing) He thinks he’s the boss, applesauce. People change.

Dave comes back in the room. Opens a bottle of beer. The room is still tense. Keith returns with Mike’s money.

KEITH: Here’s what I owe you.

MIKE: Thank you.

DAVE: You giving out money, I’ll take some (laughing).

KEITH: No, I’m just giving back money I owe to Mike for–

DAVE: I know, I know, I heard it on my video cam.

Terry gets irate.

TERRY: I knew you were watching me! How dare you! Can’t I have any privacy!? I haven’t lost my mind yet!

DAVE: Old man, I’m always watching you so get used to it.

TERRY: I should take you over my knee and whip your hide!

Terry leaves the room in a huff. Dave turns to Mike.

DAVE: When he dies, you’re taking his cat. If you don’t, he’s getting put down. Gotta go, hot date.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Subtext Characters – Day 2

It helped me think of ways the subtext could be brought out in the story, and it added more dimension to the characters.

Character Name: Pam Karras
Subtext Identity: Concealing, at times Stubborn Police Officer
Character Traits: Logical, Aggressive when mad, Compassionate, Tenacious
Subtext Logline: Pamela is like a dog with a bone when trying to uncover information, and will CONCEAL the information if she feels it will be to her advantage.
Possible areas of subtext: Acts clueless of facts when she’s trying to get more information. Having been brushed off by the Governor makes a plan of action in rebuttal. She has decided to run for Governor, but leads her family to feel they made the decision. She conceals her arrest which cause her problems.

Character Name: Elizabeth Bailey
Subtext Identity: Vengeful
Character Traits: Loving, Assertive, Sorrowful
Subtext Logline: Elizabeth takes revenge against Bounty Hunters after her Daughter is killed.

Possible areas of subtext: She forms a criminal ring tracking Bounty Hunters. They attack and steal from them. They rescue women who are being stalked by the Bounty Hunters

Character Name: Charles Wright
Subtext Identity: Committed, Withholding
Character Traits: Grounded, Ethical, Loyal
Subtext Logline: Charles loves Elizabeth and is committed to her recovery and healing after her Daughter was killed, but stifles his dissatisfaction on the way she’s going about it.

Possible areas of subtext: Charles knows Elizabeth must handle her Daughter’s death in whatever way will help her. He is by her side through the thick and thin of it, even though he feels Elizabeth is handling Karen’s death very unethically. He encourages Elizabeth to get professional help or at least go to a support group.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Great Subtext Scene – Day 1

Writing with subtext is writing with a deeper meaning. Like a mask you create. What is underneath versus what is seen on the surface. There are emotional, logical, unconscious and external forces in subtext that a character can operate from.

OUT OF SIGHT

It is after Foley robs a bank unsuccessfully. Foley is in jail calling an ex girlfriend.

THE PHONE RINGS AND REVEALS:

INT. ADELE’S APARTMENT – DAY

Miami Beach Moderne. ADELE — mid-thirties, pretty, Foley’s ex — sits at her kitchen table writing on a pad. She grabs the phone.

ADELE: Hello? (then, sighs) Yeah, I accept.

NOTE: She’s over this loser dolt.

INT. PRISON HALLWAY – DAY

Foley on the phone…

FOLEY’S VOICE: Hey, Adele, how you doing?

INTERCUTTING FOLEY & ADELE:

ADELE: Hey, Bank Robber, want some advice? Next time, leave the engine running.

NOTE: Anger at his stupidity, her having to go it alone. She is also logically making a point.

FOLEY: That’s funny, Adele. How many more times you gonna gimme that one?

NOTE: Anger at her for reminding him how stupid he was.

ADELE: Till it’s not funny any more. What do you want, Jack?

FOLEY: You know that Super Bowl party? They changed the date. It’s on tonight, eight-thirty.

NOTE: This is their secret message about his already pre-planned escape. He must move on the plan immediately because of external forces that are now coming into play.

ADELE: Didn’t you tell me one-time calls aren’t monitored?

NOTE: Adele doesn’t want to play along anymore. She’s over him and the game.

FOLEY: I said not as a rule.

ADELE: So why don’t you come right out and tell me what you’re talking about?

FOLEY: Listen to Miss Smarty Mouth. Out there in the free world.

NOTE: Foley is angry that he is not a free agent, forgetting his choice to do what he did, feeling victimized.

ADELE: What’s free about it? I’m looking for work.

NOTE: She resents that he is such an idiot and blew her chance to live a little easier with money.

FOLEY: What happened to Mandrake the Magician?

ADELE: Emil the Amazing. The bastard fired me and hired another girl, a redhead. I’m working on a new business card, pass out to the cafes. How’s this sound–

FOLEY: (cuts her off) Listen, Adele, the reason I called, that party is today instead of Sunday. About eight-thirty, like only a few hours from now. So you’ll have to get hold of Buddy, whatever he might be doing…

NOTE: He doesn’t care about her life, she is now just a go-between.

ADELE: And the one driving the other car?

FOLEY: What’re you talking about?

ADELE: Well, seeing as you have so much luck with cars, Buddy thought it might be better to bring two. He

got this guy he says you know from Lompoc, Glenn something.

NOTE: More anger about the incident. Foley let both her and Buddy down.

FOLEY: Glenn Michaels.

ADELE: Yeah, that’s him. Buddy says Glenn thinks you guys are real cool.

NOTE: Buddy knows Glenn could be used as a patsy for Foley and him.

FOLEY: He did, huh. Well, tell Buddy I see Glenn wearing his sunglasses I’ll step on ’em. I might not even

take ’em off first.

NOTE: Anger and disrespect, this subtext references history which is revealed later in the script

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

As MARSHALL SISCO — fifty — slides a small wrapped box across a table…

MARSHALL: Happy birthday.

…to where KAREN SISCO — twenty-eight, black suit, long hair, a knockout — sits. She picks up the box and shakes it.

KAREN: You fit another Chanel suit in here?

MARSHALL: Something better. Open it.

NOTE: Marshall loves his Daughter and knows what she is about, and what she wants.

Karen starts to carefully unwrap the present. Marshall watches, takes a sip of his drink, looks around the bar, sees how everyone’s looking at the two of them…

NOTE: He is excited about his gift to her.

KAREN: (opens the box) Oh my God…

She pulls a gleaming automatic pistol from the box…

KAREN (CONT’D) It’s beautiful.

MARSHALL: It’s a —

KAREN: –Sig-Sauer .38. I love it.

She leans across the table and kisses him.

KAREN (CONT’D): Thanks, Dad.

MARSHALL: Happy birthday, kid. (then) You want another Coke?

NOTE: An exclamation of love, she’ll always be his kid no matter how old she gets.

KAREN: (checks her watch) Can’t. I gotta drive out to Glades, then I’m meeting Ray Nicolet at ten.

MARSHALL: Which one is that? The ATF guy?

KAREN: He was. Ray’s with the F.B.I. now, he switched over.

MARSHALL: He’s still married though, huh?

NOTE: Emotion; fears for his Daughter’s future happiness, scared she’ll get hurt by the married man Nicolet. Logic; He wants his Daughter to date a man she can have a future with.

KAREN: Technically. They’re separated.

MARSHALL: Oh, he’s moved out?

NOTE: He’s trying to warn her to wake up with logic.

KAREN: He’s about to.

MARSHALL: Then they’re not separated, are they?

NOTE: Again, he’s trying to warn her to wake up with more logic.

KAREN: Can we change the subject?

MARSHALL: What’re you doing at Glades?

KAREN: Serving process, a Summons and Complaint. Some con doing mandatory life doesn’t like

macaroni and cheese. He files suit, says he has no choice in what they serve and it violates his civil rights.

MARSHALL: You know you can always step in, work with me full-time as one of my investigators.

NOTE: He wants to make his Daughter’s life path easier and better, he communicates he has great respect for her abilities.

KAREN: No thanks.

MARSHALL: You used to like it.

KAREN: Dad…

MARSHALL: You’d meet doctors, lawyers — nothing wrong with them necessarily if they’re divorced. Why settle for some cowboy cop who drinks too much and cheats on his wife? That’s the way those hotshots are, all of ’em.

NOTE: Chomping at the bit to help her have a better life, trying to dissuade her from low-down guys like married Nicolet.

KAREN: I really gotta go.

MARSHALL: We don’t get to talk much any more.

NOTE: He misses her being around. He misses the closeness he shared with his Daughter.

KAREN: How ’bout I come next Sunday and watch the Super Bowl with you?

MARSHALL: I’d like that.

She gets up, kisses him again.

KAREN: Thanks for the gun, Dad.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Suspense – Day 3

Creating suspense makes for an interesting scene. Add in Anticipatory dialogue and it helps shape the suspense.

Tiffany Brumstead: Amorous, Adventurous, Flighty

Wendell White: Devoted, Square, Safe

Susan Carly: Sweet, High Standards. She is Wendell’s sister.

Brad Pendell: Gregarious, Fun loving

The Promise: A couple is getting married
What matters: They seem to love each other
The delay: Opposition to the goal and Complications

INT. CHURCH, BROOM CLOSET – DAY

Sounds of pleasure are pouring out from the broom closet, TIFFANY and BRAD are in the midst of a passionate moment.

TIFFANY, VO: Oh Brad, you’re sooo gooood. I love you.

BRAD, VO: Oh, oh, Tiff, oh Tiff, I love you too. Oh, Oh.

People who are passing by detect these sounds but can’t seem to find where it’s coming from because of the acoustics in the church. Two LADIES who are right outside the closet look disturbed as they quickly pass on by. The closet sounds are silent for a second.

TIFFANY, VO: Cmon’. We only have a few minutes.

BRAD, VO: You have twenty minutes.

TIFFANY, VO: Lots of last minute fixes.

BRAD, VO: Okay, right behind you.

INT. CHURCH, ENTRY WAY – SAME

Tiffany cracks open the door and peeks out to see if anyone is around. The coast is clear, she comes out in a wedding dress, she straightens her slip and dress, then her veil. She leans her head back into the closet, they have a parting smooch. Then she walks out and heads off.

Brad peeks out of the closet and then also comes out. He is in a black tuxedo, he pats down his outer pockets on his jacket casually, then a bit more frantically. He reaches into the inside pocket

and gives a big sigh of relief. He heads in the opposite direction.

INT. CHURCH – SAME

Brad walks along the back of the church on the right side. Guests are in their best attire. Clearly, a wedding ceremony is about to take place.

WENDELL, also dressed in a tuxedo meets him halfway.

WENDELL: Straighten your hair man, you look like Einstein got hit in a wind tunnel.

Brad quickly begins smoothing his hair down.

WENDELL (cont.): What happened? I was worried you went awol. You ready?

BRAD: I’m ready man, how about you?

WENDELL: Yep. It’ll be forever, I just know it.

The two start to head down to the front right wing of the staging area, as they are walking a young man looks at Brad and gives him the ‘thumbs up’ sign. Wendell looks at the kid. Then, one of the lady’s that was next to the closet earlier looks with disgust. Wendell looks perplexed.

LADY: (whispers to friend) They won’t last through the ceremony.

WENDELL: That lady’s snearing at us.

BRAD: Hmmm, must be jealous.

They laugh quietly as they continue heading to the front wing. Brad and Wendell join TERRY the other Groomsman. The PASTOR approaches them.

PASTOR: Okay, gentlemen are you all ready?

WENDELL: (Chuckling) We’ve been waiting a long time for this.

BRAD: (evasively) Yep.

TERRY: It’s about time.

Terry nudges Brad.

PASTOR: Okay, get in your order, the proceeding will begin as soon as I walk out and stand center stage. Any questions?

TERRY: No, we’re good.

WENDELL: Got it.

The Pastor looks at his watch.

PASTOR: Okay Gentlemen, let’s rock and roll.

The Pastor takes a step.

WENDELL: Wait, wait, Brad where’s your boutonniere?

BRAD: Oh jeez!

Brad frantically feels in all his pockets. The Pastor looks at his watch.

PASTOR: We have to start boys.

WENDELL: What do we do? You can’t go out without one.

TERRY: Break em in half. If we break them in half, no one will know the difference.

WENDELL: Good call! That’s our Mohammad for you.

The Pastor looks curious.

WENDELL (cont.): Terry’s always fast on his feet. Gets us out of a lot of jams, like this one.

WENDELL/BRAD: (chuckling) Faster than a butterfly and stings like a bee.

The Pastor nods knowingly.

Terry is breaking the two boutonnieres so they all match.

TERRY: Now, we just need an extra pin.

Wendell reaches into his pocket and pulls out an ink pen.

PASTOR: We gotta go, I’ll walk slowly and stall.

WENDELL: Will this work?

TERRY: Yeah, good man.

Terry grabs the ink pen, unscrews it and uses the small ink vessel to hold Brad’s boutonniere in place.

BRAD: You’re genius man.

TERRY: You owe me a beer.

WENDELL: Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.

Wendell pushes Brad toward the stage. They hurriedly shuffle forward. First Brad, then Wendell, then Terry.

Wendell moves past Brad and stands next to the Pastor. They all look towards the entry, seconds later the song A Thousand years begins as MABEL the bridesmaid and SUSAN the maid of honor, walk down the aisle. They take their place as Susan glares at Brad. Wendell takes notice.

WENDELL: (sotto) Hmmm.

Everyone turns to watch the ring boy as he comes down the aisle.

WENDELL: (whispers) Why is everyone pissed off at you today?

Somewhat frightened, the flower girl wanders down the aisle throwing rose petals, but not really knowing why. The congregation grins and coos at her innocence. Three quarters down the aisle she runs to her Mommy’s lap.

BRAD: (perspiring) You got me.

The song Here comes the Bride begins. Everyone stands as Tiffany and her Father walk down the aisle together. At the altar, Tiffany gives a wink to Brad. Everyone sits.

The Pastor begins his recital.

PASTOR: Dearly beloved and honored guests, we are gathered together here to join Wendell and Tiffany in the union of marriage. This contract is not to be entered into lightly —

Wendell starts thinking back as he replays all the peculiarities about Brad that happened. From the boy’s thumbs up, the lady and Susan sneering, the disheveled hair, his lateness, his lost boutonniere, to what he thought was an innocent wink from Tiffany.

PASTOR: But thoughtfully and seriously, and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities. Tiffany, do you take Wendell to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forevermore?

TIFFANY: I do

PASTOR: And Wendell, do you take Tiffany to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto her forevermore?

Wendell doesn’t answer, he looks at Susan who is now in tears. He looks at Brad who now has blue ink exploding onto his shirt and tuxedo. There is dead silence in the room, the air is thick with tension. Wendell looks at Tiffany who is mouthing to him in an angry fashion to answer.

WENDELL: I don’t

The room is filled with astonishment, moans and sighs, some sounds of victory, some of confusion. Tiffany starts sobbing, and then gets angry and embarrassed. Wendell turns to walk out.

BRAD: Hey buddy, I —

WENDELL: You got something on your shirt.

He stops to shake Terry’s hand.

WENDELL:
I should have made you my best man.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Crucible – Day 7

Crucibles are used to create dramatic tension, and they are often in the third act. With a closed environment where the characters can’t leave and must confront each other, crucibles create tension and elevate suspense. It is also a good opportunity for a character to have to confront their fear. Crucibles can be scenes or in the entire story.

CHARLENE: Quiet, Proper Subtext: Leader

ED: Fear of Heights, Positive Subtext: Non-confrontational

BRUCE: Tough, no class Subtext: Opportunist

STU: Tweaker, amoral Subtext: Shock value

Charlene and Ed are pretty good kids. They recently graduated from High School and decided to take a ski day together. Unfortunately, they are forced to ride the ski lift with Bruce and Stu who are idiots, and only care about how much they can intimidate others, they have no filter and just care about a good time. Ed has a fear of heights.

EXT. MOUNTAIN DEW SKI LIFT – MORNING

Charlene and Ed are anxious to start skiing. They head towards the ski lift. Two tweakers, Bruce and Stu are in front of them sans skis and it looks like Charlene and Ed will have to share the lift with them.

ED:

Char, how’d you like to hike up? I’m not feeling the lift right now.

CHARLENE:

We’ll get there faster and have a lot more time to ski if we brave it.

ED:

You know it freaks me out a bit, being that high without my feet touching the ground.

CHARLENE:

This is a good time to conquer that fear, we won’t be that far from the ground.

ED:

Maybe next time, but those guys creep me out too.

CHARLENE:

Eh, don’t let those tweakers bother you, they’re harmless. I went to school with the tall one.

Ed is ambivalent but follows Charlene. They reach the lift Operator.

ED:

Can we have our own chair?

LIFT OPERATOR:

Sorry, four to a chair, thems’ the rules when we’re backed up.

CHARLENE:

Well, he’s got a little fear of heights.

LIFT OPERATOR:

The hike path is to the west of here, it’s not that far.

ED:

All good, man.

Charlene looks at Ed, he begrudgingly nods okay.

The chair swings around where the four of them are standing, they all hop on. Ed is on the outside, hugging onto the railing. They are in total silence as the chair lift climbs higher.

CHARLENE:

So, Bruce, how’s everything going?

Bruce looks quizzically at her.

CHARLENE:

I’m Charlene Frannell. I was in your senior class.

Bruce nods.

BRUCE:

You that girl who narced on my friend?

CHARLENE:

What?

Bruce looks at Ed through his glassy eyes.

BRUCE:

No, he’s the one.

CHARLENE:

He didn’t go to our school.

BRUCE:

Must’ve been somebody else.

Trying to be a part of the conversation while facing outward.

ED:

So, you guys skiing today?

STU:

Man, you two ask a lot of questions.

Stu brings out a pint of whiskey and takes a gulp.

BRUCE:

We’re zip lining.

Bruce takes a gulp after Stu.

ED:

Oh, that’s cool.

STU:

Why’d sit so far away chica? We don’t bite.

Stu makes an obscene gesture to Charlene. She and Ed muster appeasement. Ed stares out at the trees biding his time on the chair lift.

BRUCE:

Whooohooo!

STU:

Badass fucking view, right?

Charlene rolls her eyes.

BRUCE:

Fuck yeah! I’d like to do a chick up here, the quarter mile high club right!? How bout you Char (beat) Char, Char.

Bruce grabs for Charlene’s breasts, she screams. Tipsy, Bruce and Stu laugh out of control. Bruce fires up a joint. Charlene hugs into Ed. Ed shouting to them with his eyes closed while he faces outward. Ed tries to let go of the railing to protect Charlene, but quickly grasps the railing again. Charlene is on her own.

ED:

I’m glad you’re having fun, but can you lighten up on the language, there’s a lady present.

STU:

Chill dude.

Bruce starts swaying forward and backward as if on a large swing.

BRUCE:

If I’m rockin’ don’t come knockn’. Whooohooo!

STU:

You pussy, you gotta stand up and put your body into it if you want to rock!

Stu stands up and grabs the right side of the railing. Ed, fearing he’ll fall off wraps his arms around the left side of the railing, Charlene wraps her arms around Ed. Stu starts moving back and forth trying to get the chair to really swing wide.

ED:

(shouts)

That’s enough! Stop it! We’re 500 feet in the air you idiot!

STU:

What’d you call me!?

Stu reaches over Bruce and Charlene and lunges at Ed. Stu grabs the back of his jacket and yanks him towards him over Charlene and Bruce’s laps. Ed loses his grip on his skis and one falls to the ground down below, shattering into pieces.

BRUCE:

What the fuck! Stop it! Get the fuck back you guys! You guys need to chill.

Reacting, Ed turns towards Stu.

ED:

Look what you did you asshole. You’re gonna pay.

STU:

(laughing)

I’m gonna pay huh? Pussy, you can’t even let go of that rail, I’m gonna pay.

Charlene is crying silently, hugging onto Ed. The chair lift system shuts down and stops. They all go quiet. The chair is still swinging uncontrollably, Stu and Ed slowly sit back.

A half hour goes by but seems like an eternity sitting high atop the ground in the chair lift. Patrol at the bottom cruise by in their snowmobile.

SKI PATROL PERSON:

Folks, it’s gonna be okay, we’ll be up and running in a few minutes.

A half hour goes by and they’re still stuck on the slope. Bruce starts to try to stand but still slightly drunk and high he sways back and forth. They all react.

ED

Stop it.

CHARLENE:

What’da think you’re doing?

STU

Asshole get down!

BRUCE:

This thing ain’t never going to start and I gotta piss!

Bruce seems to be standing carefully and slowly, he unzips his pants and pulls out his penis. Stu thinks he’ll be funny and give Bruce a little scare and jerks the chair lift. Bruce screams and tries to grab the railing but misses. He’s starting to fall off the chair backwards, quick thinking Charlene grabs one leg and Stu grabs the other. Bruce is dangling and swaying in the air. He is now screaming and trying to fight the fall by wiggling.

CHARLENE:

Bruce, relax, don’t wiggle, we’ve got your legs, just try to rock high like if your on a swing set.

STU:

Yeah, dude, we got you.

Bruce starts swinging slightly and then building more momentum he swings higher. Unfortunately, since his pants are unzipped nothing is holding Bruce in at this point. Both Charlene and Stu’s hands are slipping on his loose levis.

BRUCE:

Hold on. Don’t let me die, I don’t wanna die.

Charlene and Stu try frantically to keep holding on to Bruce’s pants.

CHARLENE:

We got you. Keep swinging Bruce.

As soon as Charlene says this, she and Stu feel empty levis. Bruce screams to his death.

ED:

Bruce, Oh my God!

Stu is stunned into silence. Charlene loses it, she wails in fear of what just happened.

ED:

Oh my God, Oh my God, you just killed Bruce!

STU:

No, I didn’t, it was an accident. He slipped.

ED:

He slipped because you were jerking the railing!

STU:

No, I didn’t. He slipped, he was drunk and high.

Charlene:

Yeah, couldn’t you have thought of that BEFORE you jerked the rail, he’s DEAD!

Stu pulls out a switchblade and opens it revealing a sharp blade as he threatens them both.

STU:

Look, he fell, he did it. I didn’t. And it you say any differently, you’re dead too.

They all stop in their tracks. The ski lift starts moving again. They all sit back staring straight ahead in silence.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Pass 9: Flag Scenes to Elevate – Day 15

I’m circling back to this assignment after our Dramatic Devices module. What I realized currently is that I have two Antagonists (not just the one), and a main character that I had created turned up being a supporting character, and one character that I originally saw as a supporting character ended up becoming one of the major characters. So, to improve upon what I have currently I am using my updated outline instead of the outline I had when Day 15 of Outlining was presented.

Problem areas:

I need to insert more of one of the Antagonists earlier in the outline.

I omitted about five scenes that weren’t necessary or didn’t help to move the story forward

Areas for Improvement:

Some scenes can have better locals, as I have a few talking head scenes that could be more interesting.

I really love one of my characters so I made her a main character at first, but in writing the story she fit better at being a supporting character.

A character I thought was a supporting character became a main character once I followed the Story Logic Web. Now, the character has a pretty decent subplot.

Going through the outline I found a couple more
places I could put a set up for later pay offs.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Page Turner! – Day 10

By using all of the tools and elements it makes your scene more interesting, colorful and emotional.

Pamela KARRAs; Tenacious, Compassionate, Logical, sometimes Aggressive. Subtext: Fairness for all. Pam sees the pain and suffering of people living in her state, which has grown exponentially with the SB8 law which has put more women and children into poverty and changed lives for the worse. She decides to run for the Governorship to try to reverse this law.

<div> Miss. Jones; Perfunctory, smart.
Subtext: Cynic.

</div><div>

She is the Child Care Assistant at the Child
Protection Unit. She treats the orphans
with interest and some affection, but is overwhelmed and burnt out with the
burgeoning amount of babies and children that need homes.

Pam has come to the children’s protective unit to
gather information on the current state of the adoption care system and the
welfare of homeless and parentless children that are housed in these state ran
facilities. She wants to see, without
staging, how these unwanted children are truly treated and cared for.

EXT.
CHILDREN’S PROTECTION UNIT – DAY

Pam walks towards the CPU entrance, windows throughout, with beautiful plants and landscaping, it looks hopeful.

INT. CHILDREN’S PROTECTION UNIT – SAME

A wonderful sound of a waterfall fountain with tropical plants flourish in abundance filling the fountain. She approaches the
front desk.

PAM: Hi, who
Manages this facility for visitations?

RECEPTIONIST:
Mrs. Koven is the administrator here.

PAM: Yep,
that’s who I spoke to. I’m Pam, an
interior designer and I’d like to get a look of your facility to come up with
an idea for improvements to create my bid.
Mrs. Koven said it’d be okay.

RECEPTIONIST:
Huh, this is the first I’m hearing of this. She said today?

PAM: Yep,
today.

RECEPTIONIST:
Cuz, she’s at the regional conference today.

PAM: Oh,
my. Well, okay, I did come a long way
to see her and the grounds.

RECEPTIONIST:
Oh, I’m sorry.

PAM: Yep,
took me two hours drive.

Acting put out and waiting for a response.

RECEPTONIST:
Well, I’m so sorry but there is nothing that I can do, I don’t have the
authority to give you a pass.

PAM: Does
anyone else have?

RECEPTIONIST:
No, they’re at the conference as well.

PAM: (big
sigh)

Oh, okay, can I get her card at least to follow up
with her later?

RECEPTIONIST:
Oh sure.

The Receptionist hands Pam Mrs. Koven’s card.

RECEPTIONIST:
Here you go. Again, my
apologies.

Pam glances at it.

PAM: You’ve
been very helpful. Thank you.

Pam walks out the office disappointed that her plan
to crash the facility didn’t work, but she at least has Mrs. Koven’s card in
hand.

</div>

INT. PAM’S CAR – DAY
Pam peruses the pile of papers in her hands, she glances up at one of the orphanages’ in disbelief. She is on the car’s speakerphone.

PAM: This can’t be right Chloe, it looks like a ghetto, the grapes of wrath without the luxuries.

She is shocked to see row after row of shoddy, mostly windowless, gray brick buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside in ratty clothes, one worker for thirty children. Some older children are working, while some teens are smoking in a group. As far as the eye can see each row of barracks repeats the same picture.

CHLOE, VO: We know, it’s a horrible state of affairs, but our hands are tied, with little funds to work with.

PAM: What frightens me about the antiabortionists is how much they care about children before they’re born and don’t seem to care a wit after they’re born; unloved, unhomed, starving, neglected, abused, do they care, sympathy and prayers, right!?.”

CHLOE: I feel ya, but don’t lay that on the worker, they’re just doing their job, don’t step on the Social Worker’s toes snooping around either Pam, you can get in real trouble overstepping.

PAM: I’m a concerned citizen Chloe. This isn’t Annie. The reality looks more like Oliver Twist.

She looks at the dark gray buildings that look like a prison camp.

PAM: Real concerned.

CHLOE, VO: Just be careful, don’t jeopardize your badge.

PAM: I won’t.

EXT. PAM’S CAR – SAME

Pam exits the car. She’s taking in the decrepit view when two young children run up to her, one little boy and girl. They have cute cherub faces that look worn for their young five years and they’re wearing clothes that look too big and too worn and faded to match their young age.

GIRL: Are you someone’s Mommy?

PAM: Yes, I am, I have a girl just like you.

BOY: Does she live here?

GIRL: Is she pretty like you?

PAM: Awe, thank you Sweetie, yes, she is pretty, you’re pretty too, and she lives at home with me.

GIRL: Home? Where’s your home?

PAM: It’s a couple towns over.

BOY: You lost?

PAM: No, not lost Honey, just looking.

BOY: Do you want to meet Miss Jones?

GIRL: Cmon’, I’ll take you to her.

The little girl grabs Pam’s hand with both of her little hands. The little boy giggles taking her other hand.

PAM: I feel so special with you two helping me. Thank you very much.

They start walking to one of the bunkhouses.

GIRL: Can we meet your little girl?

BOY: Does she like to play on the swings?

PAM: She’s not so little Sweetie, and she hasn’t played on swings for a long, long time.

The little boy breaks away and runs towards a bunkhouse.

BOY: Miss. Jones, Miss. Jones, a lady is here to see you.

The little girl is still holding Pam’s hand as they approach the first bunkhouse. Pam smiles broadly at them to hide her sadness, she hugs them both.

PAM: Thank you my greeters for being such a big help to me, go have fun and play now.

The little girl and boy both smile brightly hugging her. The little boy starts to dash off while the little girl stays with Pam. Pam beams at her cherub face.

BOY: Cmon’, they’re playing hide and seek, you don’t want to be ‘it’ do ya!?

GIRL: Okay.

The little boy has grabbed her hand. She looks back at Pam. Waving goodbye, as they run toward the other children in bunkhouses across the way.

PAM: Bye Sweetie, have fun you two!

EXT. BUNKHOUSE STEPS – DAY

Pam turns and walks up the steps to the door. She knocks. She hears scurrying inside. What a commotion. People are busy doing something in there. She tries to peer in the window next to the door.

MISS JONES: Just a minute please.

PAM: Sure. Take your time.

Pam tries again to see what is going on inside again, but is challenged by the reflection of the sun on the window. She is able to see two teens cleaning feverishly as if they drank ten cups of coffee.

Miss Jones opens the door a crack looking suspicious and secretive. Pam looks past the aide curiously, seeing a kid carrying a load of clothes piled so high it covers his face and another youngster is polishing the furniture quickly.

PAM: Ha, busted.

MISS JONES: What!?

PAM: Oh, nothing, just thought of something I forgot to add to my grocery list.

Miss Jones is not amused and nods unbelievingly. She opens the door a little more. Behind her are two older children feverishly cleaning and straightening up. Miss Jones glances back and forth nervously during her exchange with Pam.

PAM: The little boy and girl said you’d be the person to speak to.

MISS JONES: Who?

PAM: The two little blonde cuties right there playing hide and seek.

Miss Jones peers out into the playing area and gives a dissatisfied squint of her eyes at the two children. Fearing what that look might mean Pam retracts.

PAM: No, don’t see them now.

Miss Jones looks back to Pam.

MISS JONES: The facility is closed to the public.

PAM: I was told I could tour the property, are you my tour guide?

Miss Jones chuckles at this sarcastically. Pam acts naive.

MISS JONES: Listen, I don’t know who you are, where’s your clearance? You need to have a pass from the front office.

PAM: I spoke to Mrs. Koven, she said it was okay and to just call her for clearance.

Pam shows the card to Miss. Jones.

<div>INSERT: CU on
card that has Mrs. Koven’s name and position with contact info on CPU card.

</div><div>

As Miss Jones is perusing the card, one of the two
cleaners tugs at Miss. Jones back shirt tail as a signal that they have
finished.

MISS JONES:
I’ll be right back.

She closes the door on Pam’s face.

PAM: (under
breath) Rude much!?

She turns around watching the children play. A minute later Miss Jones opens the door
still acting suspicious, but with her phone in hand.

MISS JONES:
Hi, front desk?

Pam looks a little nervous at hearing this. Defensively, she smiles.

MISS JONES: I
have a Mrs. —

Miss Jones looks at Pam for her name. Thinking fast.

PAM: Carter.

MISS JONES:
Yes, Mrs. Carter here to tour the grounds, I’d like to speak to Mrs. Koven
for verification please.

(beat)

Thank you.

Pam is trying to think how to get out of this if
busted.

MISS JONES:
Mrs. Koven, this is Shelley.
Your visitor is here, but she has no pass. Please call me back at bunker number 22. Thank you.

She ends her call with a click.

MISS JONES: I
only got her voicemail.

Pam dodged that bullet, but no closer to seeing the
facilities.

PAM: Would
another time work better, like in an hour?

MISS JONES:
That’ll be lunchtime in the mess hall.

PAM: After
lunch then?

MISS JONES:
After lunch they have their class studies. You can’t come in without an appointment.

PAM: But I
have an appointment.

MISS JONES: A
card does not prove an appointment, and I only got her voicemail. Sorry.
It’s against policy to show without verification unless you’re a Social
Worker or an authorized person with the state department.

PAM: I am a
Social Worker.

Pam shows her a badge that has her friend Chloe
Carter’s name on it with an overlaid picture of Pam. Miss Jones looks at her skeptically.

PAM: Look, my
Supervisor is not going to like this.
She’ll be a freight train rolling through you if she believes there’s
obstruction of my visit.

Miss Jones looks surprised. She backs down but looks peeved.

INT.
BUNKHOUSE LIVING ROOM – SAME

Miss Jones opens the door and Pam is led into the now
spotless living room.

MISS JONES:
Sorry, you know policy.

PAM: Yes, I
do, I would be worried if you didn’t check me out.

They politely chuckle.

PAM: I must
ask right off the top, when I saw these buildings

(disgusted)

why dark gray, so dark and dreary? Who gave the approval for this compound?

MISS JONES: I
know it looks drab, but we try to color it up the best we can. As you know we are overwhelmed with children
who do not get placed in homes, and our budgets are lean, too lean, so this is
the most efficient color to use.

PAM: So
what. What about the children? This is harmful to the children’s psyches.

MISS JONES:
Yes, but it keeps the buildings cooler in the summer and heated longer
in the cold winters. Money is always
the bottom line here.

Pam nods disappointedly.

PAM: Why no
windows other than along the top. It
looks like a prison, isn’t it hard enough on the kids having to be here in the
first place?

MISS JONES:
Runaways.

Pam looks dismayed.

PAM:
Runaways? I can understand why
they want something better, but–

MISS JONES:
We are contracted to take care of them.
We get money from the state, the less kids we have the less money we
get.

PAM: Big Government getting bigger. You know, If they
want to runaway, nothing’ll stop them, why make everyone else suffer this drab
existence for the rare times someone runs away? Why would they runaway, how are they treated here?

MISS JONES:
Listen, we do what we can, we have an overabundance of charges, with
limited funds and help, the Heartbeat law saw to that, you know that. This is now a baby-making enterprise, and we
are the institution the state uses to take care of them all. They have to go somewhere!

PAM: Sad and
true. At least when they’re eighteen
they can age out. What programs do you
have in place for when they do?

MISS JONES:
Programs? What the welfare
system gives them, we can’t afford any extra.

PAM: What
happens to them? What’s your program to
help them prepare for life? Finances, romance, working? With the 40 to 50% across the board becoming
homeless, incarcerated, drug or alcohol abusive, not finishing high school, or
they’re unemployed, and with a whopping 85% becoming parents repeating the
cycle, what are you doing to curtail these crisis’s in their formative years
here?

MISS JONES:
We phase them out. There is some
community outreach; they have annual holiday parties, some supply graduation
gifts, home appliances, some provide employment, donated vehicles, some
low-cost housing through the state, some mentors volunteer. The psychologically damaged ones get help
until mid 20’s. We deal with the
aftermath of the outlaw of abortion.

PAM: It’s
shameful how much cruelty these innocent children have to endure, simply
because some people want to have control over all women’s bodies. They are the collateral damage to be tossed
aside, (beat)

So many children here are older —

MISS JONES:
Don’t even ask me why

(beat)

you know why.

PAM: Sadly,
yes.

MISS JONES:
Many will become part of the statistics you stated, but we do have some
success stories too, praise God.

PAM: It is my
wish that God is here for the children of the world, since most people aren’t,
sympathy and prayers, sympathy and prayers.
Don’t you get tired of hearing that?

MISS JONES:
Yes, it is getting sickening to hear those empty platitudes.

PAM: People
should just say “have a nice day”, sympathy and prayers mean nothing more than
that from the people who utter it. It
will take an act of God to help these poor children who did nothing to deserve
the lives they were forced to be born into.
My heart goes out to them all.

Miss Jones is becoming a kindred spirit of Pam, she
reaches out and squeezes her hand.

MISS JONES:
You don’t talk like a Social Worker.
You should know how this works.
You talk more like a Reporter.
Are you a Reporter Mrs. Carter?

Pam is speechless.
They look at each other smiling, Pam has a laugh of embarrassment, her
hand caught in the cookie jar.

EXT.
BUNKHOUSE STEPS – SAME

The two same children spot Pam coming out of the
bunkhouse and run up to her.

GIRL: You
leaving now?

PAM: Yes
Honey I have to go home now.

GIRL: Can we
come with you?

PAM: I’m
sorry Honey, but Miss Jones would miss you too much. Stay here and help her out okay?

GIRL: Okay

BOY: Cmon,
it’s your turn.

GIRL: Okay.

PAM: I can
use a hug though. Can I get a hug from
you two?

BOY: Sure.

GIRL: Oh, a
hug.

The little girl is smiling and giggling. Pam opens her arms and hugs them in close
both at the same time, smiling, laughing and in tears.

INT. PAM’S
CAR – DAY

Pam is calling Chloe.

</div>

PAM: Definitely, Oliver Twist.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Jodi Harrison. Reason: Trying to fix the formatting

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Uncertainty scene - Day 5 

Keep the audience on the roller coaster ride of Hope and Fear.  Intermingling these throughout the script keeps the script interesting and engaging.

CAST AWAY

Chuck Noland is a systems analyst executive with Fedex.  In the operations room the executives find a problem in Malaysia.  Their communications system; telex, email,etc has broken down.  Chuck gets on the first sweep to fly to Malaysia to fix the problem.  Chuck’s plane crashes into the ocean.  Eventually Chuck floats to an island and must learn to survive.

OPENING THE COCONUT - SERIES OF SHOTS

 Chuck uses the stone knife to saw at the coconut.  No luck.

 Chuck clumsily sharpens a stick with the sharp rock.

 Chuck brings the sharpened stick down hard on the coconut,

but the stick slides off, sending the coconut rolling away.

 (FEAR) Chuck will starve to death

 Chuck positions the stick, pointed end up, in a hole, then

SLAMS the coconut down hard on it.  Success!  The green nut

of the coconut splits.  The brown inner nut is free!  He

smashes the nut with a rock, but -- OW!  -- he hits his hand!

Chuck licks his fingers, but he is so thirsty there's no more

saliva.  He smashes again.  The shell breaks to smithereens.

Coconut milk splashes everywhere.

                      CHUCK

          That was smart, really smart.

 (HOPE)

 Rotating a nut along its axis and carefully moving his

fingers out of the way, he SMASHES the nut again.  The shell

splits!  The precious liquid splashes out.  Left inside is a

swallow or two, which Chuck laps up eagerly.  The milky white

liquid dribbles down his face.

                      CHUCK

          Ahhh.

 EXT.  BEACH - SUNRISE

 Chuck squints at the ocean.  His sunburn is bad -- his lips

are cracked.  A stack of broken coconut shells is beside him.

No one's there -- again.

 (FEAR)

                      CHUCK

          Maybe the GPS malfunctioned.  That Korean

          airliner did.

 Clouds scud in front of the sun.  Beyond the reef the waves

are high and churning.  Chuck can see them pound onto the

reef.

 (HOPE and FEAR)

                      CHUCK

          Okay, do the math.  Maybe they know where

          you are within, say 500 miles.  That's a

          circle with an area of, uh, pi r squared.

          So, uh, 250,000 times three point one

          four, that's about 800,000 square miles.

          Three times the size of Texas.

 This sinks in.  Then Chuck gets an idea.

 ( a dash of HOPE)

                      CHUCK

          They could use a satellite.

 But even that doesn't give him much hope.

                      CHUCK

          Say each satellite photo is 30 feet

          square, that's uh...fuck it...billions

          and billions of photos.

 (FEAR)

 That sinks in.

 (HOPE)

                     CHUCK

          Aw, someone will come.

 EXT.  BEACH - NIGHT

 Chuck sleeps by the coconuts.  The tide is coming in.  Chuck

stirs, gets up, staggers over to a palm tree to relieve

himself.

 He stares idly out at the moonlight on the waves.  Then not

so idly.  Something's out there, something floating on the

tide.

 (HOPE)

                     CHUCK

          What the hell?

 EXT.  BEACH - MOMENTS LATER

 Chuck splashes into the gentle surf, reaches the dark object.

 (FEAR)

 It's a body.  Chuck turns it over.  It's Al, one of the

pilots, his face gray and waterlogged and very dead.

                      CHUCK

          Oh Jesus.

 EXT.  BEACH - MOMENTS LATER

 Chuck drags the body up on the beach and then collapses,

exhausted.  He sits by it, staring at it.

                      CHUCK

          I'm so sorry, Al.  So sorry.

 EXT.  BEACH - MORNING   

 Chuck has almost finished a grave in the sand back of the

palm trees.  He's been digging with a piece of driftwood

sharpened with his stone knife.

 (FEAR)

 He drags the body into the pit.  Stares down at it.  That

could be me.

                      CHUCK

          Got to cover Al up.

 He wants to say more, can't.  He scoops some sand over the

body.

                      CHUCK

          Got to cover Al up.

 He scoops in some more sand.  It's eerily like burying the

tropical fish in his back yard.

 EXT.  BEACH - LATER

 With a rock Chuck hammers a crude driftwood marker into the

sand.

 EXT.  BEACH - LATER THAT DAY

 As Chuck sits on the beach, he half-sings, half-talks "Yellow

Submarine" very quietly to himself.

                      CHUCK

          We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow

          submarine...

 (HOPE)

 He looks over at the deep woods and down to the rocky point.

Comes to a decision.  He takes a drink of coconut, picks up

his club and a coconut, sticks the stone knife in his pants.

He's ready to go.

 EXT.  BEACH - DAY - MOMENTS LATER

 Chuck climbs over the rocks and disappears out of sight.

He's still half-singing to himself.

                      CHUCK

          Yellow submarine.  We all live in a

          yellow submarine...

 EXT.  ISLAND - DAY - MOMENTS LATER

 Chuck's way is blocked by rocks and jungle.  He hesitates.

He picks up a rock and THROWS IT to scare away all those bad

things.  It crashes into the ferns and palm trees.  He takes

a step into the jungle.

 EXT.  JUNGLE - MINUTES LATER

 (FEAR)

 Chuck struggles through a dense thicket beneath a jungle

canopy.  Vines and creepers reach out toward him.  There is

no path, nothing to show him where to go.

 EXT.  JUNGLE - HALF HOUR LATER

 Chuck climbs through a tangle of vines and ferns.  He takes a

drink from the coconut he is carrying.  The last drink.

 (FEAR)

                      CHUCK

          Bad idea.  Should have saved some.

 He throws away the husk.  He looks up, but the only sunlight

reaching him is dappled from the canopy above him.

 EXT.  ISLAND - MOMENTS LATER

 (FEAR)

 Chuck emerges onto a ridge that leads to a summit.  He climbs

across a rocky lava field covered with scrub lichen and low

ferns, soil dark as coffee beans, his way crossed by steep

gullies that cut like dark fingers into the lava.

 The lava field narrows, forcing Chuck closer to the sea.  He

passes a series of CAVES, their mouths dark and mysterious

and scary.  He gives them a wide berth.

 EXT.  ISLAND - CLIFF - MOMENTS LATER

 The land narrows to a ledge that stretches across a high

cliff perched over the ocean.  Beyond this rock bridge the

path smoothes out to a summit.

 (FEAR)

 Chuck stares at the narrow bridge, then down at the waves

breaking on the rocks far below.  To get any view, he will

have to cross the bridge.  He's thirsty.  The late afternoon

sun is hot.

                      CHUCK

          Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did

          you enjoy the play?

 Hugging the wall of the cliff, taking each step with great

caution, he sets out across the bridge.

 EXT.  ISLAND - CLIFF

 Step by step, Chuck negotiates the narrow bridge.  He reaches

a flume of polished basalt which cuts across the ledge like a

slide in a water park -- except this flume ends high above

the waves.  Chuck tries to step across it, can't quite, tries

one foot first, then the other.

                      CHUCK

          Shit!

 He looks back, but that seems even scarier.

                      CHUCK

          Got to get there.  Got to see.  C'mon...

          c'mon.  Don't be such a wuss.  Be bold.

 He looks down at the ocean beneath him, closes his eyes, and

jumps.  It's only a few feet, but he's breathing hard when he

lands on the other side.  He hugs the rocks, getting his

breath.

 (HOPE and FEAR)

 EXT.  ISLAND SUMMIT - SUNSET - MOMENTS LATER

 Chuck looks to each point on the compass.  He is on an

ISLAND, small, inhospitable, without sign of habitation or

anything human.  On three sides the waves break against

steep, hostile cliffs.  A reef encloses the cove where he

came from.

                      CHUCK

          No way on.  No way off.

 Chuck stares out to sea in every direction.  Nothing.

                      CHUCK

          This is bad.  Really, really bad.

 The last rays of sun hit his face.  The ocean turns a deep

reddish gold.

 EXT.  CLIFF - MOMENTS LATER

 Going down is even scarier.  It's dusk and the light is flat

and gray.  Chuck stares at the ledge.

                      CHUCK

          Come on.  Crawl if you have to.

 Chuck crawls on his hands and knees across the rock bridge.

 EXT.  ROCKY SLOPE - MOMENTS LATER

 Chuck stumbles over the rocks.  The caves look ominous and

primal.

 EXT.  EDGE OF JUNGLE - NIGHT

 It's getting dark now.  The jungle seems impenetrable, the

dark wood of fable.  Chuck hesitates, then plunges into it.

 EXT.  JUNGLE - NIGHT MINUTES LATER

 The moon has just begun to rise, casting eerie light into the

jungle.  The shadows reach out to grab Chuck, then real

branches and vines tug at him.  He heads into thick

blackness.

 EXT.  BEACH - NIGHT - LATER

 (HOPE)

 Chuck emerges around the rocks.  He reaches the stack of

familiar FedEx boxes -- Ahh, home!  He's breathing hard, from

both fear and exertion.

                      CHUCK

          Got to drink.  Got to drink something.

 With his last strength he opens a coconut on the stick.  He

bangs hard on the shell and gulps down the milk.  He stares

at the stack of FedEx boxes.  What could be inside?  He

reaches out and touches one.

                      CHUCK

          They don't belong to you.

 Responsibility gets the better of necessity, and he takes his

hand away.

 EXT.  BEACH - MORNING

 Face red from the sun, Chuck hacks at a palm frond with his

stone knife.  He saws the palm frond off near the base,

leaving it about a foot long.

                      CHUCK

          Got to have shade.  Got to have a hat.

 He ties the loose fibers into a sort of circle, then sets it

upon his head.  It looks amazingly like some sort of

primitive cap.

 He grabs a couple of FedEx boxes and heads for the beach.

 EXT.  BEACH - LATER

 (HOPE)

 Chuck finishes the P on H E L P, which he has spelled out

with the FedEx boxes on the beach.

 EXT.  JUNGLE - DAY - LATER

 Chuck scrambles down a ravine.  He kneels down and feels the

ground.  It is dry, completely dry.

 EXT.  LAVA SLOPE - DAY

 (HOPE)

 Chuck traverses the slope, determined to find water.

A FLAT ROCK - LATER

 With a puddle of dirty water trapped in a tiny hollow.

Suddenly Chuck flops down into frame.  He tries to scoop up

some water in his hands, but he just splashes it around.  He

licks his fingers.  Then he gets down on his stomach and laps

up the water with his tongue.  Like an animal.

 In the bottom of the small depression is some fine mud.  He

rubs it on his reddened face and across his burned lips.

 (HOPE)

                      CHUCK

          Oh, God.  Thank you.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Anticipatory Dialogue – Day 2

By using anticipation dialogue it helps build a road map. Mine was an emotional road map of Elizabeth’s pain. By using the eleven techniques it helped build on each character. The possible consequences, the warnings, the timelines, the predictions; whether the character believes them or not, the reputations and challenges. It made for a much fuller bodied scene.

Pam Karras
Traits: Logical, Aggressive when mad, Compassionate, Tenacious

Subtext: Life must be fair for all
Pam sees the pain and suffering of people living in her state, which has grown exponentially with the SB8 law which has put more women and children into poverty and changed lives for the worse. She decides to run for the Governorship to try to reverse this law.

Elizabeth Bailey

Traits: Loving, Assertive, Vengeful

Subtext: Sorrow filled

Elizabeth’s Daughter Karen was killed. She does everything she can to numb the pain, she can’t let go and creates a group set out on revenge.

Charles Wright

Traits: Grounded, Ethical, Loyal

Subtext: Committed

Charles knows Elizabeth must handle her Daughter’s death in whatever way will help her. He is by her side through the thick and thin of it, even though he feels Elizabeth is handling Karen’s death very unethically.

INT. ELIZABETH’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Pam is sitting in Elizabeth’s living room with Elizabeth and Charles.

<div>

PAM: We’ll
get em’. Whoever is involved, we’ll get
them.

</div><div>

ELIZABETH: That’s
what you said last time you were here. And
why is it whenever I go to your department I’m shooed off like a blood sucking mosquito.

PAM: Who
shooed you off? Did you ask for me?

ELIZABETH: Whoever
mans the desk there, and I always ask for you.

CHARLES: Yeah,
she’s tried to tell you guys anything we hear.

Pam reaches into her pocket and pulls out a business
card.

PAM: I’m so sorry
that’s happened to you Elizabeth, I can’t imagine why that would have happened.

ELIZABETH: It
happened a couple of times.

PAM: Here’s
another card, tack in on your door if you have to, keep it accessible. Just ask for me, and I’ll get your call.

Elizabeth looks at the card and tosses it on the
coffee table as if it’s useless.

PAM: Hang in
there you two, it’s been a while now and we’re still getting anonymous leads
about Karen’s accident.

ELIZABETH: (in
tears) Accident. It was no accident.

Charles rubs Elizabeth’s back as Pam takes her hands.

PAM: Hang
tight Elizabeth. We’ll have him in
custody with four weeks. I know it’s
not fast enough for you two, but we have to dot our i’s and cross our t’s so
the case doesn’t get thrown out with a loophole.

ELIZABETH: I’ll
have better luck going after the bastards myself.

PAM: You do
and that’s a sure way to let em’ walk free and you end up in jail. We don’t want Karen’s case endangered. Give us time. Please give us time.

Charles is still rubbing Elizabeth’s back.

CHARLES: It’s
okay Mama Bear. (To Pam) She’s a Grizzly
when it comes to her cub.

ELIZABETH: (through
tears) You have four weeks. If you don’t
have Karen’s killer by then, I’m gonna get em’ myself.

Pam stands.

PAM: (sternly) I hope for your sake that you’re blowing off
steam right now. I know you want more, immediately,
but the system works slowly and solidly.
Trust me (beat) please. I’ll
check back in with you soon.

She looks at Charles, he nods in agreement as he
holds Elizabeth.

Pam leaves as Elizabeth sighs heavily into Charles
chest then she walks over to the mini bar and grabs a full bottle of Vodka. She holds it close to her chest while unscrewing
the lid. She starts chugging it as fast
as she can.

</div>

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Anticipation Scene – Day 1

Doing this exercise helped me see that by building suspense, curiosity, hooks, emotional descriptions, and anticipatory dialogue, the reader gets caught up in the story, and if the story flattens a bit as long as you quickly build more intrigue the reader feels compelled to keep ‘turning the pages’. And I will take from Hal’s example and say it is very clear how twists keep the interest to find out more of the story, of what is going to happen next.

SCRIPT: FLETCH

BACKGROUND: Chevy Chase plays “Fletch”.
Fletch is an Investigative Reporter. This is the opening scene, so I’m assuming he is posing as a druggie with a dealer named Sam. After reading the first five pages, and the last line especially, I immediately put it on my ‘to see’ list.

FADE IN:

EXT. CALIFORNIA BEACH - DAY

Seagulls squawk, and the waves pound, but we’re not talking about Malibu Colony, here. This is a fairly rundown beach area, catering to lower-echelon surfers, vagrants, and strung out druggies of all ages, several of whom stand or sit on their haunches by a dilapidated old hamburger stand. Over the stand is a faded sign: "FAT SAM’S HAMBURGERS".

A simple but haunting electronic melody plays in the b.g.

Note:  This is a nice visual description

INT. "FAT SAM’S" - DAY

Seated just inside the stand on a folding aluminum chair is a chubby man in his late thirties. He’s wearing a stained valour sweat suit and a cap. This is Fat Sam. He’s a dealer.  Seated on the sand next to him is Fletch, a rangy man, early thirties, in jeans and a Magic Johnson T-shirt, nodding idly on a battered Casio music machine which he treats lovingly.  This is the source of the title music.

Note:  This emotional description shows Fletch’s attachment to his Casio and music, which is probably the most uplifting and nice thing Fletch is experiencing here as most people roaming around are druggies.  

                                     FLETCH

                         So what do you figure?

                                     FAT SAM

                         No idea.

                                     FLETCH

                         No idea at all?

                                     FAT SAM

                         Okay. Some idea.

                                     FLETCH

                         Like when?

                                     FAT SAM

                         Like tonight.

                                     FLETCH

                         For sure?

                                     FAT SAM

                         No, not for sure. When it comes, it 

                         comes. You gonna want some shit?

                                     FLETCH

                         I think I’d rather have drugs.

                                     FAT SAM

                              (shakes head and smiles)

                         Fletch...

                                     FLETCH

                         Sorry. I find a little humor really 

                         brightens things up around here, 

                         don’t you?

Note:  The dialogue is anticipatory and suspenseful.  I wonder what they are talking about.  Drugs? When what comes? That has me hooked.   Is Sam a good guy or a Dealer?  This hook makes me wonder what: uncertainty.

A young junkie with a black eye – Gummy – passes.

                                     GUMMY

                         Hi Sam. Hi Fletch.

                                     FLETCH

                         Hi Gummy. How’s the eye?

                                     GUMMY

                         It’s okay. The cops did it.

                                     FLETCH

                         I know.

                                     GUMMY

                         They busted me last week.

                                     FLETCH

                         They bust you every week.

                                     GUMMY

                         I know. I got bad luck or something.

Gummy exits. Fletch and Fat Sam watch him go.

                                     FLETCH

                         That kid spends any more time in 

                         jail he’ll have to start paying rent.

WIDER ANGLE THROUGH BINOCULARS

Fat Sam and Fletch conclude their conversation. Fletch walks back among the drifters, the nervous, expectant junkies. He stops to talk to a young man propped up on his elbows on a towel. Creasy.

Note:  Who’s watching Fletch and why?  Suspensful.

CREASY AND FLETCH

                                     FLETCH

                         Maybe tonight?

                                     CREASY

                         Whaddyamean 'maybe'?

                                     FLETCH

                         That's what he said.

                                     CREASY

                              (getting desperate)

                         He doesn't know? How come he doesn't 

                         know?

Note:  This peaks my curiosity; How come he doesn’t know what?  It hooks me to find out what he doesn’t know. 

                                     FLETCH

                         I don't know how he doesn't know. He 

                         doesn't know.

                                     CREASY

                         Sonofabitch.

                                     FLETCH

                         Wonder who his supplier is.

                                     CREASY

                         I have no idea.

                                     FLETCH

                         I wasn't asking.

                                     CREASY

                         He never leaves the beach, Fat Sam. 

                         Never leaves. Sits in that chair, 

                         he's outta junk. Then he suddenly 

                         gets up, he's got junk. So where 

                         does it come from? Through the sand?

Note:  It is curious why Fat Sam doesn’t leave the beach.  How does he get his drugs?  I want to know more.

                                     FLETCH

                         I think that's highly unlikely, 

                         Creasy.

                                     CREASY

                              (rolls over)

                         I ought to get some sleep.

                                     FLETCH

                         Creasy, how old are you?

                                     CREASY

                         Nineteen.

                                     FLETCH

                              (a touch of sadness)

                         You're not taking real good care of 

                         yourself.

WIDER - BINOCULARS AGAIN

Fletch takes his Casio and starts off the beach. The binocular angle follows him. A pelican crosses the water. The binoculars move off Fletch and follows the flight of the pelican as it swoops low over the ocean.

Note:  Who continues to watch Fletch and why?  It is suspenseful.  Is Fletch a target of some sort?  Is he being investigated?  Did one of his investigations lead to danger and trouble for Fletch?  The uncertainty creates a curiosity hook.

BEACH PARKING LOT - DAY

Fletch emerges into view, walking towards camera, when a Man steps into the immediate f.g., the binoculars at his side large in frame. Fletch stops.

Note:  Very suspenseful and anticipatory.  Now we have someone watching him with binoculars and another person approaching him.  Are the two working together?  Or is Fletch in double trouble?

                                     MAN

                         Excuse me. I have something I'd like 

                         to discuss with you.

                                     FLETCH

                         What?

REVERSE

A trim man of approximately Fletch's age, wearing a perfectly tailored grey suit, is standing across from Fletch. This is Alan Stanwyk.

                                     STANWYK

                         We can't talk about it here.

MASTER

                                     FLETCH

                         Why not?

Note:  Is Fletch in danger?  Why does Stanwyk want to take him out of public viewing?  This continues to be suspenseful, with future anticipatory dialogue.  Ah, the uncertainty of it all.

                                     STANWYK

                         Because we can't.

                                     FLETCH

                         Are you on a scavenger hunt of some 

                         kind?

Note:  Fletch must be nervous at this point because his dialogue changes to defensive and deflecting.  Keeping his guard up.  Which means Fletch senses danger with this encounter.  Most of the following dialogue of Fletch’s is definitely ‘written with attitude’.

                                     STANWYK

                         I want you to come to my house. Then 

                         we'll talk.

                                     FLETCH

                         I think you've got the wrong gal, 

                         fella.

                                     STANWYK

                         I'll give you a thousand dollars 

                         cash just to come to my house and 

                         listen to the proposition. If you 

                         reject the proposition, you keep the 

                         thousand, and your mouth shut.

Note:  Why would someone give a stranger a thousand dollars just to go to a stranger’s home?  This can’t go well.  It is suspenseful, and I’m hooked again to see what the exchange could be?  The following is mostly filled with Fletch’s defensive retorts; written with attitude.

                                     FLETCH

                         Will this proposition entail my 

                         dressing up as Tina Turner?

                                     STANWYK

                              (unsmiling, all 

                              business)

                         It is nothing of a sexual nature I 

                         assure you.

                              (Takes a thousand in 

                              cash from his pocket)

                         One thousand, just to listen. I don't 

                         see how you could turn that down 

                         Mr...

                                     FLETCH

                         Nugent. Ted Nugent.

                                     STANWYK

                              (shakes his hand)

                         Alan Stanwyk.

                                     FLETCH

                         Charmed.

EXT. BERMAN STREET - BEVERLY HILLS - DAY

A Jaguar XJ sedan goes up Berman Street, a dead end. Fletch's hand reaches out of the passenger window and empties sand out of a sneaker.

INT. JAGUAR - DAY

                                     FLETCH

                         I always liked this part of town.

EXT. BERMAN STREET - DAY

The Jaguar continues on up Berman Street, stopping before massive iron gates marked PRIVATE PROPERTY -- NO TRESPASSING --  STANWYK. The gates open electronically.

Note:  Very suspenseful.  How will Fletch escape from this massive home behind iron gates.  He has no idea what awaits him inside, or even just outside behind the gates for that matter.  It leads to worry and uncertainty for Fletch.

EXT. STANWYK HOUSE - DAY

The jaguar goes up the center of the drive toward a white-pillared mansion. The lawns and planting are spectacular.

INT. JAGUAR - DAY

               Fletch stares out the window.

                                     FLETCH

                         What a coincidence.

Note:  A smartass defensive mechanism going into overdrive.  It does create a stronger hook, more suspense and greater curiosity knowing Fletch is really scared.  More writing with attitude in the following lines.

The car stops before the house.

                                     STANWYK

                         What?

EXT. HOUSE - DAY

As they get out of the car.

                                     FLETCH

                         I came this close...

                              (holds fingers slightly 

                              apart)

                         ...to buying this place

Stanwyk ignores Fletch and starts toward the house.  Fletch follows.

                                     FLETCH

                         Then I found out Hopalong Cassidy 

                         had shot himself in the game room. 

                         That just blew it for me.

                                     STANWYK

                         Who?

                                     FLETCH

                         Hopalong Cassidy. Killed himself 

                         here. Bow and arrow. Strange.

Stanwyk stops before the front door, stares at Fletch

                                     STANWYK

                         What are you, doped up or something?

Fletch abruptly changes gears, stares at Stanwyk

                                     FLETCH

                         I don't work for you yet, assface. 

                         Don't talk to me like that.

Note:  Fletch has an emotional hook assumption along with his defensive dialogue.

                                     STANWYK

                              (after a beat)

                         Come inside.

INT. HOUSE - DAY

               Stanwyk and Fletch enter. A Mexican Maid crosses.

                                     STANWYK

                         Buenas dias.

                                     MAID

                         Buenas dias.

               She disappears.

                                     FLETCH

                         I commend you on your Spanish.

Stanwyk doesn't reply, keeps on walking. He opens a set double doors to the left of the winding staircase, then stands to one side, indicating that Fletch should enter.

INT. LIBRARY - DAY

Massive fireplace. Everything built in teak. Fletch enters, and Stanwyk closes the door behind them.

                                     FLETCH

                         Ahh, the library. Masculine but 

                         sensitive.

Stanwyk wordlessly goes behind the desk

                                     FLETCH

                         Really, I love what you've done with 

                         the place. Must have cost you... 

                         hundreds.

Stanwyk turns, looks out a pair of French doors behind his desk, then turns back.

                                     STANWYK

                         Here's my proposition, Mr. Nugent.

                                     FLETCH

                         I'm all ears.

                                     STANWYK

                         I want you to murder me.

Note:  It came in a little after page 5 so I ended here.  

This is major suspense.  What?  He wants Fletch to murder him?  Is Fletch being set up?  What is this game?  He explains later he has cancer, but Fletch sees that he is perfectly healthy, so could he be lying to Fletch?  It is a great anticipatory line, it couldn’t get more suspenseful than that one simple line.  It creates a great amount of uncertainty for Fletch’s well being, and I worry about the consequences for Fletch if he takes Stanwyk up on his offer.  Is Fletch being framed?

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Pass #8: Clichè Busting! – Day 14 I have a few talking head scenes in two home offices; Pam’s and Elizabeth’s. These kinds of scenes are in most movies I’ve seen, but the information is important so I felt I could change at least one of them to not be so cliche.

CHOSEN SCENE: Pam Karras’ home office

PURPOSE: I want to keep Pam’s inner conflict of trying to convince herself to run for the Governorship to change the dire situation of the state. She’s used to the status quo and never had the ambition to run for a public office before this.

IDEAS:

I like number 4 the best:

1. Pam and her Daughter, Eliana are hiking, she is out of breath pretty much the whole time, this juxtaposes the struggle she is feeling taking on such an overwhelming task. They have a few obstacles; big rocks, a snake, thorns in her shoes, a narrow trail. After her Daughter asks her what she’s going to do about it, she ponders. Once they talk about how she could help to change the situation, their hike becomes much more effortless and the path widens and leads to an open field.

2. Another juxtaposition: In the park Pam talks with her Daughter, Eliana about thousands more kids in foster care or up for adoption, and the growing poverty statistics while watching happy children playing and laughing with their Mothers and Dads, Nannies, etc.

3. Pam has a flat tire. As she turns the jack she talks about the troubling issue for women and children with the ban on abortion, which makes her mad, then the jack falls, she stands and kicks the tire which flattens it more.

4. While sleeping Pam dreams she is on a game show much like Jeopardy. The host of the show is asking questions about childhood poverty, how many women self-abort and die, how many children term out of adoption, and how many children are in abusive foster homes. All of these questions are answered by Pam hitting her buzzer and giving the answer in the form of a question. You hear a canned audio track of audience members cheering and clapping. It all seems a bit deformed. The host turns into her Daughter asking her “So what are you going to do about it Mom?” Pam looks confused and doesn’t hit her buzzer that she holds readily in her hand. A sound like she has lost the game is heard. Her 2500 points reset to 0. She wakes up moaning and sweating.

5. Pam stands on the corner of the busiest intersection handing out fliers and her website information and tells every passerby that stats of the impoverished, child abuse, abortion deaths. A fellow cop tells her she has to leave. So, she gets into her car and blasts a loud speaker repeating her diatribe.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Pass 7: Setup/Payoff Chains – Day 13

Enrich your story with Set ups and Pay offs, and it’s best to try to create S/P chains which connects the story together.

SP CHAIN 1: A reproductive pamphlet is given to pregnant women at the clinics, weeks later a ‘Right to Chose’ pamphlet is added to the pamphlet, which shows progress in getting information of ‘choice’ to the women.

Setup: Opening scene: The first young teen is given this pamphlet.
Payoff 1: The pamphlet is found at the young girl’s accident site, which gives Pam a lead.
Payoff 2: Another young woman receives the pamphlet but is also given the additional information for a ‘Right to Chose’ group.

Payoff 3: End of Act 3, Madison is given the pamphlet and the ‘right to chose’ contact info before she exits the clinic where bounty hunters are waiting.

SP CHAIN 2: Elizabeth learns from other grieving parents at a support group that the bounty hunters more than likely caused her Daughter’s accident and ultimate death, as this has happened numerous times before.

Setup: Before first act turning point: The police have not helped her and when she has gone to them with leads, she gets blow off and shuffled around the department.

Payoff 1: Before mid-point: She starts a vigilante group that seeks revenge from bounty hunters and individuals who sue for 10K against anyone having an abortion.
Payoff 2: Mid-point. Elizabeth and her cohorts are deep into revenge and the lines start to blur. They start taking more than 10K from many robberies. Ultimately things go wrong and someone is killed.

Payoff 3: Second turning point: Elizabeth gets a call from Veronica who is being stalked. She dispatches one of her men to help her.

Payoff 4: End of Act 2: Elizabeth starts receiving bank account numbers from her henchmen.

Payoff 5: End of Act 2: Elizabeth is living in luxury now, but still feels deep sorrow. Nothing is helping her heal the loss of her Daughter.

Payoff 6: Elizabeth and her gang get caught. She is relieved.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi is being Dramatic!

The more dramatic devices we use in a scene, the better the scene should turn out. I started the scene with the element of having an interesting setting, which helped the scene a lot. And seemed a lot better with each new element after that.

Antagonists:

Governor CHAD BABBITT Hypocrite, Chauvinist, loves guns, loves wife Unethical

CRUSHER VENNICK Selfish, dumb, reactive only No consequences

Supporting:

MADISON BABBITT Rebellious, Kind, Daydreamer Escapist

MAKAELA BABBITT Agitator, loyal, can be opportunistic Evasive

KATHRYN BABBITT Refined, proper, good Mother Underestimated

TOUR GUIDE

Back history: In the opening scene of my script:

Crusher’s adrenaline rush of stalking a young female teen, causes an accident. Crusher’s friend, Billy, who is also in the car with him, insists they stop to help the girl. Crusher sees the young teen slip in and out of consciousness. Knowing this could be manslaughter if she dies of her wounds later, he deceives Billy by asking him to run to his car and call for help. While Billy does this, Crusher chokes the girl to death. “It’s either you or me, and it ain’t gonna be me” he says.

The two storylines in this scene happen close to Act 2: Madison/Governor and Crusher/Governor.

EXT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – DAY

A plaque that reads: Governor’s Mansion public tours: open 2 – 4 pm.

MADISON BABITT is in a heated argument with her Father, GOVERNOR CHAD BABBITT.

MADISON, VO

Dad, you just don’t understand being in love.

INT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION, KITCHEN – SAME

Madison and her Father are making sandwiches. MAKAELA BABBITT, the younger sister to Madison is very slowly stirring soup, listening and smirking.

CHAD, VO

Maddy, you’re going to have to come up with something better than that.

MADISON

We love each other and are going to travel a few months before tourists start to.

The Governor slaps mayonnaise aggressively onto his sandwich.

CHAD:

That would be during school, tell me that’s not what you’re saying.

EXT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – SAME

A crowd gathers, most of them are in warm attire. Two of the gatherers have cameras looped from their necks, at the ready for the next award-winning picture.

There is clearly one leader of the pack here, she is the docent TOUR GUIDE.

TOUR GUIDE:

Okay gang, gather round, gather around please, come on and huddle in.

The crowd huddles in.

INT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – SAME

CHAD:

Godammit, you are not going to play hookie with that goddam loser.

Shaking the butter knife, he turns from Madison, with anger on his face he shoots mustard onto his slice of bread. Makaela still stirring the soup chuckles.

MADISON:

Quit spying dweeb.

Makaela:

I’m not doing anything.

KATHRYN BABBITT walks in sushing them all. She is the Matriarch of the family.

MADISON: Mom, he’s impossible.

KATHRYN:

Shhhhhh. Keep your voices down, tours start soon.

CHAD:

No tours today. Sheila said nobody booked for today.

Makaela:

And the umbrella is right-side up.

The house phone rings on their landline. Kathryn walks over to answer the call.

KATHRYN:

Well then, carry on, but more civilly please. Mickey, just dish the soup and quit eavesdropping.

Kathryn picks up the whole phone and then the receiver answering the call.

KATHRYN:

Hello?

Kathryn walks into a closet with the phone.

Makaela:

Mom, no tours today.

Kathryn waves acknowledgement and walks into the closet with the phone anyway.

EXT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – SAME

TOUR GUIDE:

The Governor and his family reside in the second story of this three-story mansion. It was built in 1868 after the civil war ended. You see here the pillars are–

INT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION – SAME

MADISON:

Granite Dad, you’re like granite. Why can’t you ever be flexible. Why is everything your way?

CHAD:

You can always move out and do things ‘your’ way, but while ‘you’re’ under my roof, it’s my way or the highway.

MADISON:

So original!

Madison slaps some bologna on her sandwich, while Chad is slicing tomatoes.

CHAD:

I was young once. I’m warning you right now, you’re going to throw your life away on a boy who just wants sex.

MADISON:

How could you say such a thing? He loves me, and I love him.

CHAD:

It can’t go anywhere, his family has no breeding.

MADISON :

Code for money, Dad? No, his family doesn’t care about

Madison does air quotes.

MADISON:

“breeding”.

CHAD:

Believe me life can get away from you,

(beat)

things can happen. Your plans for the future could change in an instant.

MADISON:

Things

(beat)

Like what things, what do you mean Dad?

Chad throws the knife in the sink.

CHAD:

(beat)

Never mind.

MADISON:

Things might have happened to you and Mom but that doesn’t mean they’ll happen to me.

Chad turns to Madison and walks to the table with his sandwich.

EXT. GOVERNOR’S MANSION, PORCH – SAME

At the front door the tour guide gives a directive.

TOUR GUIDE:

Okay, everyone, stay close together and do not leave the group.

The tour guide opens the door and walks in with the group behind her. As they enter the mansion they can hear shouting. The tour guide walks swiftly towards the shouting and the group follows closely on her heels.

CHAD:

You cant’ leave my Alma Mater, think how this affects others, not just you.

MADISON:

You mean you Dad?

CHAD:

You’re on track to intern next year, this is going to blow your chances.

MADISON:

Dad, I wouldn’t have gotten in without your pull, there’s always the next year.

CHAD:

What other kids would give to have the opportunities you girls have.

As Madison rolls her eyes and demonstrates a dick yank, the tour guide opens the kitchen door. The people behind the tour guide are clamoring for a look. Madison looks at them but Chad doesn’t see them as his back is to the door.

Chad slaps her face so hard it is red.

CHAD: Don’t you ever disrespect me, young lady!

The tour guide tries to get the Governor’s attention politely by coughing, she is intimidated. Chad angrily turns around toward her. He then puts a phony smile on his face and greets her. The tourists whisper loudly. You can hear cameras snapping and see flashes go off.

TOUR GUIDE:

I am so sorry to have interrupted. Should we come back later with this tour?

His eyes give away his smoldering anger.

The tour guide starts shaking. Tears are starting to well up in her eyes.

TOUR GUIDE:

I’m so sorry sir, this is my first tour, please forgive me, I must have gotten it wrong.

CHAD:

No, no, don’t worry. We’re just having a family disagreement. We all have them right?

The touring group and the guide make nervous sounds of agreement.

CHAD:

This home is your home, it belongs to you, the people. Just give us a few minutes and we’ll go on upstairs.

TOUR GUIDE:

Oh, thank you sir. Please give me another opportunity. I promise, I’ll get the signals right.

CHAD:

It’s fine. It’s forgotten.

TOUR GUIDE:

Oh, thank you sir, and take your time, we’ll go to the pool house and garden first instead.

CHAD:

(fake smiling)

You are so kind.

Kathryn comes out of the closet as she hangs up the phone. She is startled to see the tour guide and the faces behind her. The tour guide smiles apologetically at them all and then backs out of the kitchen. They stare at each other in silence as the tour guide speaks.

TOUR GUIDE, VO

Okay people, slight change of plans. The pool house and the green house are spectacular this time of year. We’ll circle back around after that.

CHAD:

I’m gonna kill Sheila! Kathyrn, tell her she needs to fire that girl.

Chad turns his gaze to Madison, they speak as if in a library now.

CHAD:

You do this and you’re on your own Maddie. No more lavish lifestyle, and you can hand your beamer over to Makaela.

Hearing this Makaela makes a gesture like she scored.

Makaela:

Yes.

MADISON:

Shut up Mickey

CHAD:

You’ll be taking the bus with all the other losers.

Makaela:

I didn’t say anything.

MADISON:

Losers!?, because they weren’t fortunate enough to have luck on their side like you, or money, or opportunity, or contacts in their life? You’re messed up Dad!

CHAD:

Get out of here. Get your shit and get the hell out of here. Leave, now!

MADISON:

Dad?

Climbing the stairs, Chad yells back.

CHAD:

And do not take Mickey’s NEW car!

Makaela:

(smiling)

Sorry sis.

MADISON:

I bet you are.

The doorbell rings. Kissing Dad’s ass now Makaela runs to open the door.

Makaela:

I’ll get it.

It’s Crusher.

Makaela:

Hey Crush.

CRUSHER:

What’s up?

He walks in without being invited.

CRUSHER:

Where’s Pops?

Makaela:

Upstairs in the living-room. Crusher shouts up as he climbs the stairs.

CRUSHER:

Hey, Unc, how ya doin’?

Chad acts a little reserved as he stands to greet him. But Crusher goes in for a hug. Chad looks a little surprised and hugs him back.

CHAD:

Hey, Crusher, what’s up?

CRUSHER:

Aw, not much, just wanted to come hang for a few.

CHAD:

I’m glad you did. Kick your feet up.

Before Chad finished his sentence, Crusher had already bounced onto the couch and used the coffee table as a foot rest in this elegant and historically decorated room.

CRUSHER:

You look great, you been working out?

Chad looks at him quizzically. No response.

CRUSHER:

Ah, dude. Five bucks Bendogin strikes out.

CHAD:

You’re on. He’ll hit a homer.

CRUSHER:

You’re usually right.

(joking)

Can I change my bet.

They watch the game intently. Madison walks into the room and Chad shows irritation as he turns the volume up.

MADISON:

Fine! Be that way!

She storms out.

CRUSHER:

What’s up her ass?

Chad starts to speak but shakes his head in disgust and decides not to. Then switches gears.

CHAD:

I don’t understand those girls.

Keeping his eyes on the game.

CRUSHER:

You and me both. Woohoo, what’d I tell you!

Fist bumps Chad. Music and cheering is heard from the television.

CRUSHER:

(Hesitatingly)

So, Unc. Something terrible happened a few days ago, Mom said I should talk to you.

Chad takes the remote and mutes the volume.

CHAD:

Yeah, your Mother called me.

CRUSHER:

Oh, okay.

CHAD:

So, what happened?

CRUSHER:

Mom, said you’d know how I should handle it.

CHAD:

Okay. Spit it out son.

Chad stares at him in silence.

CRUSHER:

I was driving up the mountain and a car sped by me right. It looked like the driver was drunk. I laid on the horn trying to get the girl’s attention but she was out of it. It was very upsetting. Five minutes later I was winding around a sharp corner and her car is dead stopped in the road in front of me. So, I laid on the horn again, she jumped up and floored it, her car was swerving and she went right over the shoulder down into a gully.

CHAD:

No!?

CRUSHER:

Yeah, so, I panicked and hit the gas.

CHAD:

You didn’t stop to help?

CRUSHER:

I high-tailed it out of there cause I scared her when I hit the horn. The car behind me saw the whole thing. I know now that wasn’t the right thing to do. What should I do Uncle Chad?

CHAD:

Well, you didn’t cause her accident because she was drunk, the toxicology report will back that up, so it’s not manslaughter. It is odd though that she reacted so fast drunk.

Crusher feigns caring.

CRUSHER:

Yeah, sad.

CHAD:

Did you go to the police after?

CRUSHER:

No, I’m too scared to, that’s why I came to you.

CHAD:

I know you’re worried, but don’t give it too much more thought, I’ll look into it. Where’d you say this happened?

CRUSHER:

Up Highway 16.

CHAD:

Oh yeah, it is treacherous up there.

Crusher’s goal of getting his Uncle’s help is accomplished. He’s done there. He hops up.

CRUSHER:

Well, Uncle, I appreciate your help, like I said I ran scared.

Crusher extends his hand out for a handshake with his Uncle to seal the deal.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi Creates a Future! – Day 9

Creating a future for a scene compels the reader to be curious about future events and peaks interest to continue reading. You can do this with the techniques of hooks, twists, warnings, suspense, uncertainty and talking about something in the future. It’s what’s happening next that matters.

KAREN BAILEY, Sweet, easily excitable

Being a young teen, Karen overwhelms easily and reacts emotionally. She seeks out opportunities to be more independent.

CRUSHER VENNICK, Selfish, dumb, reactive only

What you see is what you get with Crusher, his epidermis is as deep as it gets, and he likes it that way. No consequences equals no guilt.

Billy Johnson, Follower, has a conscious, has a moral code

One wonders how Billy got caught up with a character like Crusher. Billy feels comfortable and safe following, as opposed to breaking out of the pack.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY

Karen Bailey, 16, exits the Life Creation Clinic mandated by the state. She sees people watching her. It frightens her. At first she has a slow pace to her step, with each step her pace becomes faster. She fumbles for her keys. She is shaking, but doesn’t take her eyes off of these people in a nonchalant way. She presses her key fob as she reaches her car, she quickly gets in and starts the engine.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – SAME

Crusher Vennick is mentoring his friend Billy Johnson in the fine art of following abortion clinic patients and tracking them.

CRUSHER

Oh hoo, look at that Speckleberry. You gotta get a jump on the target before the list comes out.

BILLY

What list? Speckleberry?

CRUSHER

The OLL stupid, our bread and butter, and our target right…there.

BILLLY

Man, there’s a lot of people here.

CRUSHER

Yep, it’s cutthroat with other bounty hunters as you can see. This ain’t nothin’, just wait till the list comes out, you won’t have a chance for the reward with all the puddle ducks.

BILLY

Jeez

CRUSHER

I been skunked enough. That’s why I stake out here for when they come out. Get to em’ early. You bring your bat?

BILLLY

Yeah, but what I need it for?

CRUSHER

For the s.o.b.’s that get to close to our targets.

Ten thousand dollars is a lot of reward to fight for.

BILLY

That is fucked up Crusher. I’m out.

CRUSHER

(laughs)

We make money, we don’t kill no one. That’s not what we do. But we scare the vultures away from our prize.

EXT. SAME

It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.

CRUSHER

Come on General, do your magic!

EXT. SAME

Crusher and Billy hop in the big red monster truck, adorned with a confederate flag.

INT. CAR – SAME

Karen is shaken as she exits the parking lot as Crusher’s monster truck speeds to get behind her, they follow her close behind practically on her bumper. Karen punches on the gas.

BILLY

Arent’ you gonna scare the girl getting so close?

CRUSHER

Have to, look behind you.

Billy looks in the rear view mirror and sees a line of cars following closely behind. Crusher swerves to the left quickly as one of the following cars tries to pass him.

CRUSHER

(laughing)

Woooohooooo!

(shouting)

Slob Hunters!

Billy looks terrified as Crusher is swerving from left to right and back again keeping the other bounty hunters at bay.

CRUSHER

Oh, my, the little Speckleberry is pickin up speed and head right up the mountain.

BILLY

(irritated)

Again, what is a Speckleberry?

CRUSHER

Our target dumb ass.

They continue to follow Karen and Crusher is successful in losing many bounty hunters who were tail-gaiting him, except one.

EXT. SAME

Karen is in a rural part of the state where windy roads are the normal terrain. She constantly looks back in the rear view mirror in terror as the monster truck stays close. She can hear them whooping and hollering at her. Now, more scared than ever and going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and slams on her brakes. Crusher, who was glancing back at the one car still trying to pass him, plows right into her fender. Her sedan is no match for Crusher’s monster truck. It sends her careening off the road and her car flips continually coming to a stop sixty yards from the highway.

EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY

Crusher and Billy had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flip as the car behind them drove past. They know they were the ones who caused her to flip her car.

CRUSHER

Let’s get outta her.

Crusher begins to pull onto the road.

BILLY

We can’t do that, we need to see if she’s okay.

Crusher sees her arm still.

CRUSHER

Does she look okay?

I ain’t gonna take no wrap for no whore.

BILLY

We have to stop. You want to go to jail for the rest of your life?

CRUSHER

It was an accident!

BILLY

I’ll tell the cops if you don’t stop this car right now.

CRUSHER

You do and your days’ll be numbered.

Billy looks disillusioned in Crusher. Crusher takes a minute and then stops the car engine.

CRUSHER

Okay. I hear ya. Let’s go.

Crusher and Billy exit the car and walk towards the wreckage.

EXT. KAREN’S WRECKED CAR – LATER

Crusher and Billy get to the car but the windows are rolled up and the doors are locked.

BILLY

Shit, how are we gonna get in there to help her?

CRUSHER

See any rocks around, we can smash the window.

They look around but don’t see any boulders big enough to break the window.

BILLY

I’ll get my bat!

CRUSHER

Good idea.

As Billy rushes to get the bat Crusher smiles slightly, he continues to peer in the car and looks at the highway for cars that might be passing by. Billy comes running back with the bat, he rips his shirt off.

BILLY

Crusher, hold my shirt next to the window while I smash it.

CRUSHER

Bull shit I will.

BILLY

We don’t have time for this. Here, you do it then.

Billy switches places with Crusher and hands him the bat. Crusher takes a big swing and shatters the window. Billy quickly unlocks the door and opens it. Karen shows faint signs of life. Crusher sees this. Crusher tries to lift her face as it looks as if she’s hanging by a thread.

CRUSHER

See if my CB’ll work up here, if it does call 9.1.1. Don’t tell em’ who we are!

BILLY

Good idea!

Billy runs off back to the car. Crusher watches him, knowing it’ll take Billy a couple of minutes. He reaches over to Karen, she is very weak and her face bobs like a rag doll.

CRUSHER

Sorry Speckleberry, it’s you or me. And it ain’t gonna be me.

Crusher wraps Billy’s shirt around Karen’s neck and chokes her to death. He quickly runs back to the truck.

EXT. CRUSHER’S TRUCK – SAME

Crusher approaches his truck just as Billy hangs up the CB

BILLY

Over and out.

CRUSHER

You get the cops?

BILLY

Yeah, they’re coming.

CRUSHER

Good.

Crusher starts the truck and he takes off.

BILLY

What are you doing?

CRUSHER

Look, we stopped, she’s okay. I don’t want to get popped for causing an accident.

Billy looks worried, as they head down the hill, Billy looks back at the wreckage.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Misleads/Reveals – Day 8

I found a few scenes in my outline where I have misleads with the reveals further in the story. But, to follow the instructions for this particular assignment I created a scene using a couple misleads and a couple reveals encapsulated in the one scene itself. The Father’s reveals are more emotional reveals and are not as obvious as Veronica’s reveal.

These are all supporting characters:

VERONICA BERNAL, Bright, career oriented, eager – Subtext: Adventurous

VICTORIA BERNAL, Supportive, realistic – Subtext: Usually discreet

MICHAEL BERNAL, Old world, Dreamer – Subtext: Scheming

INT. BOWLING ALLEY – NIGHT

It’s the Thursday night family night bowling special. Veronica and her Parents MICHAEL and VICTORIA BERNAL are mid game. Veronica is taking score, sitting in the chair . Michael approaches the foul line.

VERONICA

Mom, Dad I have something I need to tell you.

Michael releases his ball down the lane which heads towards the pins. His strike makes a crashing sound.

VERONICA

Good one, Dad

MICHAEL

Thanks Mija.

VERONICA

Mom, Dad, can we stop bowling for a minute please?

VICTORIA

What’s up sweetie?

VERONICA

I have something important to say, and I don’t want you to over react.

MICHAEL

Spit it out, my next strike is waiting.

VERONICA

(beat)

I’m pregnant.

Both Parents sit simultaneously.

VICTORIA

Oh my God.

MICHAEL

God had nothing to do with this.

VERONICA

(sarcastically)

Thanks, Dad.

(beat)

You’re my rocks and I need your support with this.

Pins are crashing all around them. They looked stunned and concerned.

VICTORIA

I don’t know what you want us to do, you’re too young. This can ruin your life.

(beat)

What happened to your birth control?

VERONICA

I ran out Mommy, he told me he was sterile.

MICHAEL

You believed that shit? That line’s as old as the sun.

VICTORIA

You’ve always been too trusting. How long have you known this guy?

Veronica waves her question off while approaching the ball rack.

VERONICA

It doesn’t matter, he has nothing to do with this.

MICHAEL

The hell he doesn’t.

Veronica is angry and shoots her ball very aggressively down the lane.

MICHAEL

You can meet a nice man to raise it.

The pins crash.

VERONICA

That’s ridiculous. I want to go to college and have a career.

MICHAEL

(shouting)

You should have thought about that before you spread your legs.

The bowlers next to their lane hear this comment and look at him with daggers.

VICTORIA

I seem to remember it takes a man and a woman for that dance Michael, so maybe he shouldn’t have unzipped his pants, you think!

The pins from the next lane crash loudly. A young girl and guy from the group in the next lane look at Victoria, smile and nod in agreement. The young girl comments.

YOUNG GIRL

Right on.

With that Victoria approaches the lane and throws her ball haphazardly, it goes into the gutter.

MICHAEL

Well, what’s your alternative Mija? Adoption? Abortion? No way to both!

Michael approaches the red line and throws his ball down the lane. He stands and watches it for a second, another strike, the pins crash. He approaches the bench emotionless.

VERONICA

Dad, I’ve thought about it very carefully and I’m going to get an abortion. It’s the fairest thing to do.

MICHAEL

No, you’re not. No way!

VERONICA

Dad, it’s not your body, it’s mine. You can’t tell me what to do with my body.

MICHAEL

You do, and I’m done with you. Your Mom and I are done with you.

The crashing of the pins are very loud. Victoria shakes her head in disgust of what she is hearing. Veronica starts crying as she grabs the ball and approaches the red line. She throws the ball, turning around quickly she goes back to the chair.

VERONICA

(sullenly)

Okay Dad. You win.

MICHAEL

Good, now you’re thinking. You’ll see, it won’t be so hard. There are plenty of programs that can help raise a kid.

VERONICA

I don’t want programs Dad, I want to stand on my own. I don’t want to be a charity case.

MICHAEL

You know, that’s what’s wrong with you. You have too much pride.

VERONICA

Thank God for that.

MICHAEL

Your smart mouth’s gonna get you in trouble someday.

VERONICA

What else do you want from me? I said you win!

MICHAEL

It’ll be okay, you’ll see.

The crashing of the pins have a hollow impotent sound, Victoria hugs her Daughter.

VICTORIA

Hija, you do what your heart tells you to do. I’m with you no matter what.

VERONICA

Why, why doesn’t he understand?

VICTORIA

What can they understand?, they don’t have to deal with this. Only women have to.

Breaking away from her Mother, Veronica is sniffling.

VERONICA

I’ll be right back.

Veronica picks up her purse and walks towards the bathroom.

INT. WOMENS BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS

Veronica closes the door, leans against the wall and pulls out Pam’s card. She dials the number.

VERONICA

Hello?

(beat)

I’m pregnant and I want an abortion, can you please help me?

The grumbling of bowling balls and the crashing of the pins are heard.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Amazing Setting – Day 6

By placing your characters in great scenes it can be used to set a mood, add mystery, show something about your character, create a contrast. It can improve your overall script.

1.

BEFORE:

Essence of scene: In the throws of passion with her friend CARLOS RIOS, Veronica stops abruptly and asks him to put a condom on. She naively believes him when he says he’s sterile.

Setting: INT. VERONICA BERNAL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

AFTER:

New setting: INT. CONCERT ARENA – NIGHT

How this improved the scene: Veronica and Carlos are having sex at a concert. They’re aroused by knowing that someone might see them, which heightens their pleasure. It adds an element of danger if they get caught in the concert hall, as opposed to the privacy of Veronica’s bedroom where I originally placed this scene. It is also a play on danger for Veronica if she gets pregnant when she throws caution to the wind at the concert.

2.

BEFORE:

Essence of scene: Pam’s very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked at the news that she is running for office, they tell Pam she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an sinful and amoral cause. Pam eats cake that’s on the table.

Setting: INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

AFTER:

New setting: INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

How this improved the scene: With Pam’s Parents being infuriated and Pam defending herself, it becomes a passionate and heated argument. Pam’s Mother is very quiet and does not like a scene. Pam’s Father always has to be mindful of his image, as he is a local Pastor. This intense conversation is constantly being interrupted by situations, such as servers that usually come around to the table at the wrong time breaking conversation and train of thought, kids running down the aisles and a baby screaming behind them. That lends to more stress and anxiety building on the already highly emotional conversation. Pam, who stress eats, orders a whole cake, not just a slice.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Setup/Payoffs – Day 5

If you don’t have set ups and pay off it will seem like each scene is just independent scenes not telling a story. It is what holds the story together.

CRUSHER VENNICK: Selfish, dumb, reactive only Subtext: No consequences

Billy Johnson: Follower, has a conscious Subtext: Lives by a code

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY

Karen Bailey, 16, exits the Life Creation Clinic mandated by the state. She sees people watching her. It frightens her. At first she has a slow pace to her step, with each step her pace becomes faster. She fumbles for her keys. She is shaking, but doesn’t take her eyes off of these people in a nonchalant way. She presses her key fob as she reaches her car, she quickly gets in and starts the engine.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – SAME

Crusher Vennick is mentoring his friend Billy Johnson in the fine art of following abortion clinic patients and tracking them.

CRUSHER

Oh hoo, look at that Speckleberry. You gotta get a jump on the target before the list comes out.

BILLY

What list? Speckleberry?

CRUSHER

The OLL stupid, our bread and butter, and our target right there.

BILLLY

Man, there’s a lot of people here.

CRUSHER

Yep, it’s cutthroat with other bounty hunters as you can see. This ain’t nothin’, just wait till the list comes out, you won’t have a chance for the reward with all the puddle ducks.

BILLY

Jeez

CRUSHER

I been skunked enough. That’s why I stake out here for when they come out. Get to em’ early. You bring your bat?

BILLLY

Yeah, but what I need it for?

CRUSHER

For the s.o.b.’s that get to close to our targets.

Ten thousand dollars is a lot of reward to fight for.

BILLY

That is fucked up Crusher. I’m out.

CRUSHER

(laughs)

We make money, we don’t kill no one. That’s not what we do. But we scare the vultures away from our prize.

EXT. SAME

It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.

CRUSHER

Come on General, do your magic!

EXT. SAME

Crusher and Billy hop in the big red monster truck, adorned with a confederate flag.

INT. CAR – SAME

Karen is shaken as she exits the parking lot as Crusher’s monster truck speeds to get behind her, they follow her close behind practically on her bumper. Karen punches on the gas.

BILLY

Arent’ you gonna scare the girl getting so close?

CRUSHER

Have to, look behind you.

Billy looks in the rear view mirror and sees a line of cars following closely behind. Crusher swerves to the left quickly as one of the following cars tries to pass him.

CRUSHER

(laughing)

Woooohooooo!

(shouting)

Slob Hunters!

Billy looks terrified as Crusher is swerving from left to right and back again keeping the other bounty hunters at bay.

CRUSHER

Oh, my, the little Speckleberry is pickin up speed and head right up the mountain.

BILLY

(irritated)

Again, what is a Speckleberry?

CRUSHER

Our target dumb ass.

They continue to follow Karen and Crusher is successful in losing many bounty hunters who were tail-gaiting him, except one.

EXT. SAME

Karen is in a rural part of the state where windy roads are the normal terrain. She constantly looks back in the rear view mirror in terror as the monster truck stays close. She can hear them whooping and hollering at her. Now, more scared than ever and going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and slams on her brakes. Crusher, who was glancing back at the one car still trying to pass him, plows right into her fender. Her sedan is no match for Crusher’s monster truck. It sends her careening off the road and her car flips continually coming to a stop sixty yards from the highway.

EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY

Crusher and Billy had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flip as the car behind them drove past. They know they were the ones who caused her to flip her car.

CRUSHER

Let’s get outta her.

Crusher begins to pull onto the road.

BILLY

We can’t do that, we need to see if she’s okay.

Crusher sees her arm still.

CRUSHER

Does she look okay?

I ain’t gonna take no wrap for no whore.

BILLY

We have to stop. You want to go to jail for the rest of your life?

CRUSHER

It was an accident!

BILLY

I’ll tell the cops if you don’t stop this car right now.

CRUSHER

You do and your days’ll be numbered.

Billy looks disillusioned in Crusher. Crusher takes a minute and then stops the car engine.

CRUSHER

Okay. I hear ya. Let’s go.

Crusher and Billy exit the car and walk towards the wreckage.

EXT. KAREN’S WRECKED CAR – LATER

Crusher and Billy get to the car but the windows are rolled up and the doors are locked.

BILLY

Shit, how are we gonna get in there to help her?

CRUSHER

See any rocks around, we can smash the window.

They look around but don’t see any boulders big enough to break the window.

BILLY

I’ll get my bat!

CRUSHER

Good idea.

As Billy rushes to get the bat Crusher smiles slightly, he continues to peer in the car and looks at the highway for cars that might be passing by. Billy comes running back with the bat, he rips his shirt off.

BILLY

Crusher, hold my shirt next to the window while I smash it.

CRUSHER

Bull shit I will.

BILLY

We don’t have time for this. Here, you do it then.

Billy switches places with Crusher and hands him the bat. Crusher takes a big swing and shatters the window. Billy quickly unlocks the door and opens it. Karen shows faint signs of life. Crusher sees this. Crusher tries to lift her face as it looks as if she’s hanging by a thread.

CRUSHER

See if my CB’ll work up here, if it does call 9.1.1. Don’t tell em’ who we are!

BILLY

Good idea!

Billy runs off back to the car. Crusher watches him, knowing it’ll take Billy a couple of minutes. He reaches over to Karen, she is very weak and her face bobs like a rag doll.

CRUSHER

Sorry Speckleberry, it’s you or me. And it ain’t gonna be me.

Crusher wraps Billy’s shirt around Karen’s neck and chokes her to death. He quickly runs back to the truck.

EXT. CRUSHER’S TRUCK – SAME

Crusher approaches his truck just as Billy hangs up the CB

BILLY

Over and out.

CRUSHER

You get the cops?

BILLY

Yeah, they’re coming.

CRUSHER

Good.

Crusher starts the truck and he takes off.

BILLY

What are you doing?

CRUSHER

Look, we stopped, she’s okay. I don’t want to get popped for causing an accident.

Billy looks worried, as they head down the hill,
Billy looks back at the wreckage.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Twists – Day 4

A twist is a deviation in direction. Making a list of different kind of twists you could use in a scene helps to make it more interesting, something unexpected but makes sense. Twists can be made with plot, character, dialogue, action, or meaning.

Protagonist: Pam Karras
Traits: Logical, aggressive when mad, compassionate, tenacious

Subtext: Stubborn and Life must be fair for all
Pam sees the pain and suffering of people living in her state, which has grown exponentially with the SB8 law which has put more women and children into poverty and changed lives for the worse. She decides to run for the Governorship to reverse this law.

Supporting: Elizabeth Bailey

Loving, Assertive, Revengeful

Subtext: Sorrow filled

Elizabeth’s Daughter Karen, was killed, she does everything she can to numb the pain, she can’t let go and creates a group set out on revenge.

Supporting: Steven Hays

Smart, industrious, a leader

Subtext: You’ll feel my pain

Steven Hays was Karen’s boyfriend. She was pregnant and he couldn’t wait to be a Father, only Karen was killed before that could happen. He is out for revenge however he can do it.

Supporting: Crusher Vennick, the Redneck

Selfish, dumb, reactive only

Subtext: Feels he has no consequences

Crusher, the redneck cares only about one thing; his cherried out red truck. Whatever he has to do to keep it in top form is what he’ll do, beg borrow or steal money for his cause, or be a bounty hunter, no matter.

EXT. CRUSHER’S FRONT YARD – MORNING

Steven goes outside and douses Crusher’s red truck with gasoline and then sets it on fire all the while Crusher is screaming with a gag in his mouth. Steven points to him and says

STEVEN

You’re next!

Steven starts walking towards Crusher with the gasoline can.

STEVEN

No one rescued my girl, you didn’t even help her, you son of a bitch

Steven starts dousing Crusher with gasoline, he chokes.

STEVEN

She was alone man.

Steven starts to weep.

STEVEN

No one’s gonna rescue you either.

Steven tries to strike a match, but it doesn’t ignite as the gasoline made them soggy. He tries another match but it is damp too

STEVEN

This is your lucky minute, say your prayers.

Steven strikes the third match and it ignites successfully. Right then, three police cars are up on the lawn surrounding him. He flicks the match onto the gasoline. The cops jump into action wrapping Crusher in a blanket, Crusher is screaming.

CRUSHER

Help! Help! I’m burning! Help!

Two police officers slam Steven to the ground and handcuff him. As they put Steven in the car, Crusher starts in with his macho bravado

CRUSHER

What took you ass holes so long!?

What mother fucker’s gonna pay for my truck!?

A cop looks back at him like he’s an asshole.

CRUSHER

It took me years to cherry it, and you snails let it be destroyed, where were you, at a knitting circle?

Crusher looks at his burned and demolished truck and starts crying.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam is interrogating Steven.

PAM

Your accomplice just told me about the burglar ring you belong to. You’re now connected to a murder besides what you did today to Mr. Vennick, you have some serious charges against you.

STEVEN

No one killed anyone. We don’t do that.

PAM

If you don’t do that, then you have nothing to hide. Why did you attack Mr. Vennick?

STEVEN

(breaks down in tears)

He killed my Karen and my baby.

PAM

Crusher killed them? Who Steven? Who’s Karen and your baby?

STEVEN

He ran her off the road and then left her for dead up the highway.

PAM

Karen Bailey?

STEVEN

Yeah, you guys just forgot about her. But we’re not forgetting about her.

PAM

Who’s ‘we’ Steven? Karen’s Mom?

STEVEN

Yeah, you guys think she’s just trash to dump? Liz kept trying to tell you. You ignored her.

So, things are handled differently now.

PAM

What do you mean, differently now?

STEVEN

Elizabeth and I got more justice for Karen than any of you cops ever cared to. This is why people hate cops.

PAM

How Steven, how have you and Elizabeth gotten justice?

STEVEN

Look in the papers. What kind of people do you think has been getting robbed?

Steven leans in to Pam.

STEVEN

Bounty Hunters, that’s who. No one else, just fucking Bounty Hunters. They want to have 10,000 dollar trophy heads on their mantle

(beat)

Well, we’ll have theirs. An eye for an eye.

Pam is startled by what she is hearing. She never expected that Elizabeth was the leader of this thieves ring.

PAM

Oh my God, it is all about revenge.

STEVEN

Well, what do you know, you cops finally got something right.

Pam gestures to a fellow cop in the room.

PAM

So, now, instead of helping Elizabeth, I have to arrest her.

(beat)

Okay Steven, that’s all for now.

While the cop is taking Steven out of the room he shouts to Pam.

STEVEN

Of course you would, lock up the innocent and let the guilty be free.

Pam looks worried

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – DAY

Elizabeth now lives in a much nicer neighborhood and in a bigger home. Beautiful trees and flowers line the walkway of terra cotta. Pam and her partner approach the front door. Pam puts a candy wrapper in her pocket before she knocks on Elizabeth’s door.

PAM

Go around the back.

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Elizabeth answers the door.

ELIZABETH

Ah, Barney Fife, coming to tell me something I already know.

PAM

Why? I told you I’d find Karen’s killer. Why, have you done this, now you’re going to jail, that’s no justice for Karen.

ELIZABETH

Justice!? You and your pathetic good for nothings weren’t going to do a thing about my girl’s killer! Do you know how many times I went down to your precinct to give them the information I found out about Crusher, to tell them he killed my little girl? Do you think they cared!? Do you think they listened!?

PAM

Elizabeth, listen to me. We don’t know for sure he did it. The case can fall apart and he’ll go scot free. Do you want that?

ELIZABETH

You did know that sleazy piece of shit Redneck admitted he was the guy who killed my Karen, right!? Why didn’t you geniuses know that!?

PAM

Here-say is not enough. It’s hard to prove he caused the accident.

ELIZABETH

And broke her neck, don’t forget BROKE HER NECK! We have it on tape!

PAM

I promise you, if he’s the guy I will get him, but right now I regret to say that you are under arrest.

ELIZABETH

Too little, too late!

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Elizabeth submits her hands palm side up to Pam without being asked, as if she’s happy her illegal dealing are over. It seems she wants to end this fight. Pam takes Elizabeth’s arm and turns her around and starts to gently cuff her with her hands behind her back.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Dramatic Irony – Day 3

It adds to the enrichment of the story when we find subversive ways to show characters. It also gets the audience to root for the clueless character in the scene.

Protagonist: Pam Karras
Logical, aggressive when mad, compassionate, tenacious.
Pam sees the pain and suffering of people living in her state, which has grown exponentially with the SB8 law which has put more women and children into poverty and changed lives for the worse. She decides to run for the Governorship to reverse this law.

Supporting: Detective Salt

Crafty, arrogant, charming

Salt finds his opportunities with the highest bidder, although not amoral, he doesn’t have a high ethics bar.

Supporting: Detective Miller

Studious, naive, eager to please

Miller doesn’t look past the surface, he takes everything he sees and hears at face value, which sometimes can get him or someone else in trouble.

Intentional deception from Detective Salt

Unintentional deception for Detective Miller

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Detective Salt ends a telephone conversation.

DET. SALT

Got it.

Detective Salt puts his phone in his desk drawer. He speaks loudly over to Pam at her desk.

DET. SALT

Pam, I was just thinking how nice your friend Chloe is, what was her last name again, Sartel, Cleveland, Bet–

PAM

Carter. You interested? She has a boyfriend.

DET. SALT

Put in a good word for me?

Pam smiles at him as she shuts him down.

PAM

That’s sweet.

Pam opens a file and starts perusing it. Detective Salt smiles back, then he calls Detective Miller over to his desk.

DET. SALT

Miller.

Detective Miller looks up at Salt. Salt nods to him

DET. SALT

(Sotto)

Come here.

Detective Miller does what he’s told as Detective Salt is his mentor in the department.

DET. SALT

Listen, Pam’s birthday is coming up and we want to surprise her, take her to the caf for some coffee while we make the plans, shouldn’t be more than 15 minutes.

DET. MILLER

Sweet. You got it boss.

Detective Miller walks over to Pam’s desk.

DET. MILLER

You about due for a caffeine fix?

PAM

Well, I gotta a lot of–

DET. MILLER

Um, well,

PAM

What Miller, spit it out

DET. MILLER

Well, I uh, I could really use your ear right

PAM

Sure, what’s up? Take a seat.

DET. MILLER

Well, I’m a little uncomfortable to talk

about it here.

Detective Miller gestures and nods slightly and widening his eyes.

DET. MILLER

Cafeteria instead maybe?

(beat)

My treat.

PAM

Oh sure. I can get back to this in a few minutes.

Pam puts a file in her side file and gets up.

PAM

Let’s go.

Pam stands and they walk out the door.

DET. SALT

Anybody see the Bailey file?

DET. SCOFIELD

That’s Pam’s baby, she pulled it earlier this morning.

Just the response Detective Salt was looking for. He already knew Pam pulled Bailey’s file earlier that morning. Salt walks over to Pam’s desk. CU on Bailey’s file sitting front and center on her desk. He pretends to be looking for it by rummaging around and slyly opens Pam’s top desk drawer and sees her phone. He looks around to make sure no one is watching, then opens the screen and clicks the ‘contacts’ button. He scrolls down until he sees Chloe Carter’s name. He clicks on it and views her information, looking around again to see if anyone is watching, he takes out a blank piece of paper from his pant pocket and grabs a pen from Pam’s desk. He writes down Chloe’s address and phone number.

Detective Scofield yells over to Detective Salt.

DET. SCOFIELD

Did you find the file yet?

Walking back to his desk.

DET. SALT

Nah, not worth mentioning to her, she wants it to be her baby.

2 days Later NEAR THE END OF ACT 2:

INT. CHLOE’S HOME – SAME

Chloe is making dinner. CU on her front door knob is turning, then the door opens. The front door still open Chloe screams loudly, glass and other items are crashing making violent sounds. Chloe continues to scream. Then silence.

3 days Later NEAR THE END OF ACT 2:

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam walks into the office looking beat and exhausted, in the afternoon.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Whoa! You look fried.

PAM

Yeah, my friend Chloe’s in the hospital, she was attacked last night.

Detective Miller looks curious. Detective Salt gets up to leave.

DETECTIVE SALT

Well, see you guys after lunch.

PAM

Have a good one.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Later dude.

After Detective Salt walks out Detective Miller continues.

DETECTIVE MILLER

The gal you and Salt was talking about a couple days ago?

PAM

Yeah.

She looks a little curious too. She shakes it off.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Around your birthday and all, so sorry Pam.

Pam thinks that a curious statement.

PAM

She’ll be fine by the time my birthday rolls around, that’s months from now, the Doctors say she just needs time to heal right now.

Detective Miller is confused. He wonders out loud.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Well, what was coffee all about?

PAM

What do you mean?

DETECTIVE MILLER

When we went to coffee the other day.

PAM

Well, I hope I was helpful with advice you wanted.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Salt wanted me to take you to coffee so they can discuss party arrangements for you.

Pam looks surprised.

PAM

Well, that’s odd.

(beat)

I need Karen Bailey’s file back, I might have a lead.

DETECTIVE MILLER

I don’t have it.

PAM

(loudly)

Anyone have Bailey’s file, it’s not in the cabinet.

DETECTIVE SCOFIELD

Could be on Salt’s desk, he was looking for it on your desk a couple of days ago.

PAM

I did have it a couple days ago, but I re-filed it.

Pam and Miller are starting to put two and two together. She quickly goes to Salt’s desk and starts searching around. She finds nothing. Miller is searching the files.

DETECTIVE MILLER

I found it, here you go Pam, Bailey’s was misfiled, it was in the C’s.

PAM

Where’d Salt say he was going?

DETECTIVE MILLER

He didn’t, but he usually goes to the cafeteria.

Pam grabs her purse, her phone and her pick locking tool and runs out the door.

INT. PARKING STRUCTURE – SAME

Pam looks around as she uses her picking tool on Detective Salt’s car door. She unlocks it immediately.

INT. DETECTIVE SALT’S CAR – SAME

His car is messy, papers are everywhere in no particular order. She swiftly searches his car for any sign of evidence. Something to answer her growing list of questions. She goes through papers and mess two times. She’s ready to give up and checks one more spot, under the passenger seat floor mat. She pulls out the piece of paper we had seen Salt write on. It has Chloe’s address and a time on it. Pam feels gut punched. She slams the door behind her and walks away from the car.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Conflict – Day 2

Answering the Conflict and Tension questions to help as guidelines and to help us see what more could be added helps to create a tension filled scene with lots of conflict.

EXT. MOUNTAIN DEW SKI LIFT – MORNING

Charlene and Ed are anxious to start skiing. They head towards the ski lift. Two tweakers, Bruce and Stu are in front of them sans skis and it looks like ED and Ed will have to share the lift with them.

ED:

Char, how’d you like to hike up? I’m not feeling the lift right now.

CHARLENE:

We’ll get there faster and have a lot more time to ski if we brave it.

ED:

You know it freaks me out a bit, being that high without my feet touching the ground.

CHARLENE:

This is a good time to conquer that fear, we won’t be that far from the ground.

ED:

Maybe next time, but those guys creep me out too.

CHARLENE:

Eh, don’t let those tweakers bother you, they’re harmless. I went to school with the tall one.

Ed is ambivalent but follows Charlene. They reach the lift Operator.

ED:

Can we have our own chair?

LIFT OPERATOR:

Sorry, four to a chair, thems’ the rules when we’re backed up.

CHARLENE:

Well, he’s got a little fear of heights.

LIFT OPERATOR:

The hike path is to the west of here, it’s not that far.

ED:

All good, man.

Charlene looks at Ed, he begrudgingly nods okay.

The chair swings around where the four of them are standing, they all hop on. ED is on the outside, hugging onto the railing. They are in total silence as the chair lift climbs higher.

CHARLENE:

So, Bruce, how’s everything going?

Bruce looks quizzically at her.

CHARLENE:

I’m Charlene Frannell. I was in your senior class.

Bruce nods.

BRUCE:

You that girl who narced on my friend?

CHARLENE:

What?

Bruce looks at Ed through his glassy eyes.

BRUCE:

No, he’s the one.

CHARLENE:

He didn’t go to our school.

BRUCE:

Must’ve been somebody else.

Trying to be a part of the conversation while facing outward.

ED:

So, you guys skiing today?

STU:

Man, you two ask a lot of questions.

Stu brings out a pint of whiskey and takes a gulp.

BRUCE:

We’re zip lining.

Bruce takes a gulp after Stu.

ED:

Oh, that’s cool.

STU:

Why’d sit so far away chica? We don’t bite.

Stu makes an obscene gesture to Charlene. She and ED muster appeasement. ED stares out at the trees biding his time on the chair lift.

BRUCE:

Whooohooo!

STU:

Badass fucking view, right?

CHARLENE: rolls her eyes.

BRUCE:

Fuck yeah! I’d like to do a chick up here, the quarter mile high club right!? How bout you Char (beat) Char, Char.

Bruce grabs for Charlene’s breasts, she screams. Tipsy, Bruce and Stu laugh out of control. Bruce fires up a joint. Charlene hugs into Ed. Ed shouting to them with his eyes closed while he faces outward. Ed tries to let go of the railing to protect Charlene, but quickly grasps the railing again. Charlene is on her own.

ED:

I’m glad you’re having fun, but can you lighten up on the language, there’s a lady present.

STU:

Chill dude.

Bruce starts swaying forward and backward as if on a large swing.

BRUCE:

If I’m rockin’ don’t come knockn’. Whooohooo!

STU:

You pussy, you gotta stand up and put your body into it if you want to rock!

Stu stands up and grabs the right side of the railing, ED, fearing he’ll fall off wraps his arms around the left side of the railing, Charlene wraps her arms around Ed. Stu starts moving back and forth trying to get the chair to really swing wide.

ED:

(shouts)

That’s enough! Stop it! We’re 500 feet in the air you idiot!

STU:

What’d you call me!?

Stu reaches over Bruce and Charlene and lunges at Ed. Stu grabs the back of his jacket and yanks him towards him over Charlene and Bruce’s laps. Ed loses his grip on his skis and one falls to the ground down below, shattering into pieces.

BRUCE:

What the fuck! Stop it! Get the fuck back you guys! You guys need to chill.

Reacting, Ed turns towards Stu.

ED:

Look what you did you asshole. You’re gonna pay.

STU:

(laughing)

I’m gonna pay huh? Pussy, you can’t even let go of that rail, I’m gonna pay.

CHARLENE: is crying silently hugging onto Ed. The chair lift system shuts down and stops. They all go quiet. The chair is still swinging uncontrollably, Stu and Ed slowly sit back.

A half hour goes by but seems like an eternity sitting high atop the ground in the chair lift. Patrol at the bottom cruise by in their snowmobile.

SKI PATROL PERSON:

Folks, it’s gonna be okay, we’ll be up and running in a few minutes.

A half hour goes by and they’re still stuck on the slope. Bruce starts to try to stand but still slightly drunk and high he sways back and forth. They all react.

ED

Stop it.

CHARLENE:

What’da think you’re doing?

STU

Asshole get down!

BRUCE:

This thing ain’t never going to start and I gotta piss!

Bruce seems to be standing carefully and slowly, he unzips his pants and pulls out his penis. Stu thinks he’ll be funny and give Bruce a little scare and jerks the chair lift. Bruce screams and tries to grab the railing but misses. He’s starting to fall off the chair backwards, quick thinking Charlene grabs one leg and Stu grabs the other. Bruce is dangling and swaying in the air. He is now screaming and trying to fight the fall by wriggling.

CHARLENE:

Bruce, relax, don’t wriggle, we’ve got your legs, just try to rock high like if your on a swing set.

STU:

Yeah, dude, we got you.

Bruce starts swinging slightly and then building more momentum he swings higher. Unfortunately, since his pants are unzipped nothing is holding Bruce in at this point. Both Charlene and Stu’s hands are slipping on his loose levis.

BRUCE:

Hold on. Don’t let me die, I don’t wanta die.

Charlene and Stu try frantically to keep holding on to Bruce’s pants.

CHARLENE:

We got you. Keep swinging Bruce.

As soon as Charlene says this, she and Stu feel empty levis. Bruce screams to his death.

ED:

Bruce, Oh my God!

Stu is stunned into silence. Charlene loses it, she wails in fear of what just happened.

ED:

Oh my God, Oh my God, you just killed Bruce!

STU:

No, I didn’t, it was an accident. He slipped.

ED:

He slipped because you were jerking the railing!

STU:

No, I didn’t. He slipped, he was drunk and high.

Charlene:

Yeah, couldn’t you have thought of that BEFORE he fell, and not cause him to DIE!

Stu pulls out a switchblade and opens it revealing a sharp blade as he threatens them both.

STU:

Look, he fell, he did it. I didn’t. And it you say any differently, you’re dead too.

They all stop dead in their tracks. The ski lift starts moving again. They all sit back staring straight ahead in silence.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Dramatic Choices – Day 1

My first thought: I learned that it is going to be very hard to write up to this amazing level as a Writer. I feel a bit unsure if I can attain such brilliance. My second thought: I will try my best as I don’t want to throw in the towel. With that aside…

Every scene topped the last. It started strong and stayed that way. The drama, wit, characterizations, set ups and how the story came back to a couple of them in the first thirty are rich in information. Jenny is the driving force of this movie in my estimation. What a great character. Garp’s story seems secondary to me, maybe it’s because I’m a Mom who can deeply relate to Jenny’s philosophy and perception of life.

The first 30 of: The World According to Garp:

Opens with Garp as a newborn baby – 1944

1. Funny scene: Jenny Fields is telling her parents her baby’s name is T.S. Garp. Technical Sergeant Garp is the man who ejaculated into Jenny, only he didn’t know it, he was unconscious at the time but had a continual erection, so Jenny found it the perfect opportunity to impregnate herself. She responds to her Mother “I didn’t need his ring Mother, I needed his sperm”. The parents are very old world. Dad: “Don’t you say sperm in this house”. After Jenny tells them the graphic details of how Garp came to be, Jenny’s Mother faints.

2. Jenny now works in an infirmary in a boys school. Three boys are looking at a girly magazine with a flashlight, a friend grabs their magazine and stashes it in Garp’s baby blanket. A little boy gets his penis stuck in a zipper, Jenny helps him free himself, but it is painful, she tells him to ‘leave it alone for awhile’.

3. Jenny finds the girly magazine in Garp’s crib. Garp smiles as if a foreshadowing of things to come for this baby. She goes to the boy who stashed it and threatens him that if he involves Garp ever again, she’ll inoculate his jock strap with bubonic plague, and he’ll have nothing left to even scratch. After that scary threat she becomes motherly and says “well, goodnight then Boswell, sleep well”.

4. Jenny corrects Garp and tells him his Father was a tail gunner in a plane, not a flyer. Garp asks if he was big, Jenny replies she doesn’t know, she never saw him standing up. She checks Garp’s course book on history and tells him the text is dull and the Writer is even duller, which shows her intellect. Garp fantasizes his Dad is still alive, Jenny matter of factly nonchalantly corrects him that he is “dead and gone”, she picks up a mythology text book for Garp and says she will check it out as well. Garp continues to ask questions about his Dad, Jenny shuts him down in a patient way. He again fantasizes as his crayon drawings come to life of he and his Dad flying together and his Dad defends him from bad guys.

5. Garp and his neighbor Cushie, start exploring sexuality, she says he doesn’t know how to make babies because he’s a bastard but she’ll show him. She obviously describes the unhealthy recital of her Mother’s headache responses when Cushie’s Dad wants to have sex, Cushie tells Garp that he’s supposed to ignore her and attack her, pulling her clothes off, “now you do it”. Cushie’s weird little sister Pooh spies on them. As he does what Cushie says, her dog Bonkers attacks Garp and bites his earlobe off. The Dad hears Garp’s cries and is only concerned about Bonkers while Garp’s ear is bleeding profusely. “Alright kids, fun’s over” the Dad says as Garp runs home.

6. Jenny confronts Cushie’s Dad demanding that he hand over Bonkers as she’s going to kill him. The Dad laughs at her and Jenny doubles down, all the while both Garp and Cushie are making goo goo eyes at each other, they’re not paying attention to what is happening between the parents. Jenny threatens if he can’t make his dog behave she’ll “make Bonkers dead as a doornail”.

7. The friction is starting to become more evident with Garp and his Mother. When Dean Bodger asks Garp what sport he’d like to try out for Jenny interrupts and tells the Dean basketball. She’s checked into all the sports and basketball is the best.

8. While Garp and Jenny are watching the basketball tryouts Garp sees a young boy wearing head gear that reminds Garp of the flyer gear he had envisioned his Dad wearing in his cartoon drawings. He is fascinated and follows the boy to the wrestling room. He knows some of these boys and follows them into the locker room where he tells one boy his Dad wore a helmet, that he was a flyer. Jenny walks into the locker room while the boys are in various states of undress, she is unphased looking for her son. They are embarrassed. The coach talks in sexual terms, Garp found his sport interest and says he wants to do what they do, Jenny responds “Animals”.

9. Late night: Wearing the wrestlers headgear, Garp is up on the roof of a three story building pretending to be a flyer pilot like his Dad not realizing the danger he could be in. Jenny intuitively wakes suddenly out of her sleep and goes calling for him. She puts the lights on in the boys dorm not caring that they are sleeping. Garp accidentally slides down the roof and is stopped by the eaves, he calls out for Jenny. By the time she finds him he is dangling from the roof. She is very calm in this crisis and gets a hold of his ankle talking him through what he needs to do. Garp falls as she maintains a hold on him, he crashes into the brick wall as she is still holding him. She’s a ‘loving’ rock. The eave from above falls on the Dean’s head below, he blacks out.

10. Jenny is helping the Dean at the infirmary, he thinks he caught Garp, Jenny doesn’t correct him, she let’s him believe it. Insightful and not threatened, Jenny tells the Dean why Garp was up on the roof, to be like his dead Father. Both the Dean and Jenny never got married. The Dean is surprised because she has Garp. As Jenny tells the Dean how she became pregnant Garp listens intently, never before hearing how he came about. When Jenny loses her place in her story Garp recites her last response “He kept having erections”. Jenny smiles at him and thanks him. The Dean looks aghast at what he’s hearing. Jenny, “He was dying, I wanted a child, seemed like a good way to have one without the bother of a husband hanging around who had legal rights to my body”. She tells the Dean how she climbed on top of the soldier Garp and the soldier said ‘good’. The Dean exclaimed that she raped a dying man. Without regret, Jenny is un-phased to the Dean’s response and with motherly concern she asks him if he’s all right. He mumbles exasperation as he leaves the infirmary. Jenny turns to Garp and says “and then he died, he did die”. Garp understands the reality at this point.

11. Jenny’s Father dies, now she is parentless. Very calmly she shares with Garp the fact of life that everybody dies, them included. She stresses to him the importance of having a life before we die. It can be a real adventure…having a life.

12. Jenny warns Garp to be careful of the undertow of the ocean outside of their home. He starts experiencing life as he splashes in.

13. Garp is now in college and a girl catches his eye. He is not shy and does not hesitate to approach and tease her, making a nuisance out of himself until she pays attention to him. Garp learns quickly that she is Helen Holm, the wrestling coach’s Daughter. He becomes embarrassed and runs off, she giggles.

14. Jenny sits front and center at one of Garp’s wrestling matches. Helen is there watching also. Garp isn’t concentrating, only seeing Helen. Jenny sees them flirting with each other, she looks concerned at first. Garp’s opponent gets the best of him for a moment, but Garp regains his ground and finally beats his opponent, all the while staring at Helen. Jenny looks utterly mad at this point.

15. Jenny brings the problem of Garp to coach Holm’s. She tells him Garp is lusting after his Daughter and he needs to keep an eye on her. Holm’s is taken aback at her comments, she is very matter of fact. He chuckles and nods to himself as if she is unbelievable, as she leaves.

16. Garp runs into Cushie, she is home from her college. He asks how she is. She says “I have this terrible headache”, they laugh together at their secret.

17. Garp runs down to the grandstand for Helen. He clearly knows she is the girl he wants to marry and fishes around for how she feels about Writers, as that is what he wants to be in life. He makes it a point to share information about famous Writers that surprise Helen, enlightening her that he is also an intellectual.

18. Typing late at night Garp wakes up his Mother. After he goes to sleep, she sneaks into his room with a flashlight to read what he wrote. She puts the light on and wakes him up. She tells him he has no right to write about her until she’s dead. She said until then her story is hers and she might want to write about herself. He replies that nothing has happened to him yet, she tells him to make something up then.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s final scene for feedback exchange

When filling your scene with your Character’s profile of traits and the other elements, it is best to go back and make sure there is insight, action, dialogue and attack/counter added into it. By filling your scene with as many elements as you can of the characters, it will serve to make your scene much more interesting.

I know it wasn’t asked, but I listed Pam’s profile here for reference to this scene.

Pam Karras’ Profile:
Character Traits: Tenacious, Compassionate, logical, Aggressive
Pam’s subtext in this scene is she wants to maintain her leadership

Want/Need: She wants life to be fair and just for all, she needs to feel unconditionally loved.

Paradoxes: tenacious and aggressive in her work, Pam is easy going and doesn’t like conflict or getting too involved in others issues, but she soon finds it hard to ignore the struggles of others.

Secret: Pam and friends were arrested for drug possession one night while in college. They belonged to the owner of the car, and Pam was innocent.

Flaw: Fear of public speaking, eats when she feels anxious or focusing.

Special: She listens and sings to show tunes.

<div>Pam Karras:

Is the lead
investigator in a possible homicide.

She knows her
dictum holds sway with most people in her town. She shows compassionate to someone who’s died.

Being a
compassionate and somewhat aggressive person, Pam bars the local reporter from
entering the crime scene, trying to respect the dead girl from sensationalism.
</div><div>

</div>

EXT. CANYON FIELD – DAY

Karen Bailey’s car is crushed and dented at the crime scene. The sloped field where Karen’s car rests is sixty yards from the curved highway. Yellow crime scene tape block any unauthorized people from approaching the scene. DETECTIVE SALT AND DETECTIVE MILLER, along with the local CORONER, JEB are diligently working the crime scene. Show tunes are blasting in this canyon, which creates a loud echo. The show tunes and the echo get louder with each second.

EXT. CANYON ROAD SHOULDER – SAME

A police car pulls up blasting the show tunes, and a noticeably off key voice shouting along to the music. The car stops, the canyon is quiet and peaceful. PAM KARRAS, a police officer, steps out of the car. If in a perfect world Pam would have loved to be a hoofer, singing and dancing are her passions, but unfortunately she’s tone deaf with two left feet. Whip smart with piercing eyes, she has follow-up questions before you’ve even finished your sentence. Her handicap is often failing to read subtext, which can be a challenge in her line of work.

EXT. CANYON FIELD – SAME

Ducking under the perimeter tape Pam heads towards the wreckage, the two officers meet her and give her the rundown on the findings so far.

PAM

What’ve we got?

DETECTIVE SALT

It’s a rollover, the occupant is deceased, Jeb is examining the site, he should be able to tell us what’s up.

Detective Salt walks towards Coroner Jeb.

DETECTIVE SALT

Jeb, what’ya got?

The Coroner glances Detective Salt’s way, smiles and looks past him to address Pam as she approaches him.

CORONER JEB

Jeez, that pin’s all you got for your twenty mark?

PAM

Budget cuts, what can I say.

CORONER JEB

That’s our local girl scout, taking one for the team.

Detective Miller chuckles quietly.

DETECTIVE SALT

She should have at least gotten a goody two shoes badge.

They all laugh, they all seem like friends.

PAM

Funny, funny, funny, you guys are hilarious. What’ya got Jeb?

CORONER JEB

(Still a little amused)

Okay, Switching gears. Without further examination she looks to be in her mid-teens. I see trauma to her head from the car rolling, but her death was caused by her broken neck. It appears there’s internal bleeding.

Pam nervously downs Peanut M&M’s while listening to him. The Coroner looks at her curiously.

CORONER JEB

Good huh?

PAM

Peanuts are my jam. Can’t get better than wrapped up in chocolate. Such a baby, I never get used to this.

Pam eats more M&M’s. Jeb nods in agreement.

PAM

I’ll quit when I do.

CORONER JEB

Yep.

(beat)

Okay. Once you’re finished, let me know, we can’t know specifics without the autopsy.

PAM

Of course, thanks, Jeb.

The Coroner walks past her. A second thought for Pam.

PAM

(loudly)

BLS been called?

CORONER JEB

(Shouting back to her)

I think one of your Officer’s took care of that.

PAM

(Shouting to the Detectives)

Who called the BLS Unit?

The Detectives look at each other, speaking in low voices.

PAM

(Straining to hear them)

Hey, I flunked mind reading in school, someone tell me the unit has been called to pick her up!

DETECTIVE MILLER

(clueless)

Hmmm, I didn’t have that…

PAM

Seriously!?

Enlightenment comes across Detective Miller’s face, Pam gestures with a finger salute and nod to Miller as she lean into Karen’s car on the passenger side.

DETECTIVE MILLER

(smiles)

Oh, I gotcha.

DETECTIVE SALT

Miller, I asked you to do ONE thing!

Detective Miller’s smile is quickly gone as he gets on his phone and makes the call.

DETECTIVE MILLER

I’m on it, I’m on it.

INT. KAREN’S CAR – DAY

PAM

This is curious.

With clear gloves on, Pam picks up a piece of chipped wood from floor. Detective Salt leans into the car opposite Pam where Karen’s body is slumped and buckled in.

DETECTIVE SALT

A wood chip. That’s odd.

Salt looks around the floor of the driver’s side, then Karen’s clothing and crevice of the seat.

DETECTIVE SALT

There is nothing anywhere else in the car that it broke away from. Where did it come from?

PAM

I wonder if that’s what broke the window? I didn’t see any boulders that could have broken it during the rolling. But just to make sure, comb the pathway of where the car rolled for any rocks, boulders or stones.

Have Miller brush every single inch of this car for fingerprints. No stone unturned. Got it?

Pam searches the glove compartment, she pulls out Karen’s registration and the pamphlet the clinic gave Karen earlier that morning.

PAM

Okay. We’ve got a lead here. I’ll check it out.

EXT. KAREN’S CAR – SAME

Pam bags the evidence and starts walking away from the car, peering carefully at the ground.

PAM

We need to find what was at the end of that wood chip. Check Miss Bailey again for woodchips, her hair possibly, and then cover her please.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Who’s Miss Bailey?

Pam stops and looks glaringly at Detective Miller.

PAM

The beautiful young lady who was just robbed of her life. That’s who Miss Bailey is.

Detective Miller looks apologetic.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Oh, sorry.

EXT. CANYON ROAD SHOULDER – SAME

At that moment the obnoxiously intruding town REPORTER SHERRY, exits her car.

EXT. CANYON FIELD – DAY

Pam heads towards her from the field where Karen’s car is.

PAM

Salt, look for signs of force before BLS gets here. What can I help you with Sherry?

REPORTER SHERRY

Looks like a mishap here? What happened?

She continues to walk towards Pam and is close to the block off tape.

PAM

Do not pass the tape, this is a crime scene.

REPORTER SHERRY

That’s exactly why I’m here. I want the who, what, when, where, why and how of it.

PAM

You know I’m not going to give you any information. You’re wasting your time, go on back down the hill now.

REPORTER SHERRY

I can stand here if I want to, it’s a free country, I have my rights.

PAM

Stand all you want, but if you pass this tape, I will arrest you for tampering with a crime scene.

REPORTER SHERRY

You do and I’ll have the Mayor take your badge.

PAM

You threatening a Police Officer?

(beat)

I’m scared

(beat)

Now off with you!

REPORTER SHERRY

You’re gonna be sorry Pam Karras! You can’t keep me from getting the facts.

As she is being threatened, Pam slowly walks towards Sherry while taking her handcuffs out. The Reporter turns and scurries behind her car. Pam stops and crosses her arms, staring Sherry down. Sherry crosses her arms. Pam proceeds slowly again toward Sherry and yanks on the handcuffs. Sherry gets in her car, and drives away. Pam starts chuckling, then turns and walks back towards the accident scene.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Ad for A-List – Day 10.

To get A list actors interested in your script it is crucial to sell the lead character(s), by interesting situations, insights on who they are, and their initial action, dialogue, and description. These features all lend to selling the character.

Pam Karras: She’s the lead investigator in a possible homicide. She knows her dictum holds sway with most people in her town. She shows compassionate to someone who’s died. Being a compassionate and somewhat aggressive person, Pam bars the local reporter from entering the crime scene, trying to respect the dead girl from sensationalism.

EXT. CANYON FIELD – DAY

Karen Bailey’s car is crushed and dented at the crime scene. The sloped field where Karen’s car rests is sixty yards from the curved highway. Yellow crime scene tape block any unauthorized people from approaching the scene. DETECTIVE SALT AND DETECTIVE MILLER, along with the local CORONER, JEB are diligently working the crime scene. Show tunes are blasting in this canyon, which creates a loud echo. The show tunes and the echo get louder with each second.

EXT. CANYON ROAD SHOULDER – SAME

A police car pulls up blasting the show tunes, the car stops, the canyon is quiet and peaceful. PAM KARRAS, a police officer, steps out of the car. If in a perfect world Pam would have loved to be a hoofer, singing and dancing are her passions, but unfortunately she’s tone deaf with two left feet. Whip smart with piercing eyes, she has follow-up questions before you’ve even finished your sentence. Her handicap is often failing to read subtext, which can be a challenge in her line of work.

EXT. CANYON FIELD – SAME

Ducking under the perimeter tape Pam heads towards the wreckage, the two officers meet her and give her the rundown on the findings so far.

PAM

What’ve we got?

DETECTIVE SALT

It’s a rollover, the occupant is deceased, Jeb is examining the site, we should have more information soon.

Detective Salt walks towards Coroner Jeb.

DETECTIVE SALT

Jeb, what’ya got?

The Coroner glances Detective Salt’s way, smiles and addresses Pam as she approaches him.

CORONER JEB

Jeez, that pin’s all you got for your twenty mark?

PAM

Budget cuts, what can I say.

CORONER JEB

That’s our local girl scout, taking one for the team.

Detective Miller chuckles quietly.

DETECTIVE SALT

She should have at least gotten a goody two shoes badge.

They all laugh, they all seem like friends.

PAM

Funny, funny, funny, you guys are hilarious. What’ya got Jeb?

CORONER JEB

(Still a little amused)

Okay, Switching gears. Without further examination she looks to be in her mid-teens. I see trauma to her head from the car rolling, but her death was caused by her broken neck. It appears there’s internal bleeding.

Pam nervously downs Peanut M&M’s while listening to him. The Coroner looks at her curiously.

CORONER JEB

Good huh?

PAM

Peanuts are my jam. Can’t get better than wrapped up in chocolate. Such a baby, I never get used to this.

Pam eats more M&M’s. Jeb nods in agreement.

PAM

I’ll quit when I do.

CORONER JEB

Yep.

(beat)

Okay. Once you’re finished, let me know, we can’t know specifics without the autopsy.

PAM

Of course, thanks, Jeb.

The Coroner walks past her. A second thought for Pam…

PAM

(loudly)

BLS been called?

CORONER JEB

(Shouting back to her)

I think one of your Officer’s took care of that.

PAM

(Shouting to the Detectives)

Who called the BLS Unit?

The Detectives look at each other, speaking in low voices.

PAM

(Straining to hear them)

Hey, I flunked mind reading in school, someone tell me the unit has been called to pick her up!

DETECTIVE MILLER

(clueless)

Hmmm, I didn’t have that…

PAM

Seriously!?

Enlightenment comes across Detective Miller’s face, Pam gestures with a finger salute and nod to Miller.

DETECTIVE MILLER

(smiles)

Oh, I gotcha.

DETECTIVE SALT

Miller, I asked you to do ONE thing!

Detective Miller’s smile is quickly gone as he gets on his phone and makes the call.

DETECTIVE MILLER

I’m on it, I’m on it.

DETECTIVE SALT

Pam, this is curious.

Detective Salt leans into the car as Pam approaches him and his find.

INT. KAREN’S CAR – DAY

DETECTIVE SALT

A wood chip. This is odd. There is nothing anywhere else in the car that it broke away from. Where did it come from?

PAM

Is that possibly what broke the window? I didn’t see any boulders that could have broken it during the rolling. But just to make sure, comb the pathway of where the car rolled for any rocks, boulders or stones.

Have Miller brush every single inch of this car for fingerprints. No stone unturned. Got it?

Pam searches the glove compartment, she pulls out Karen’s registration and the pamphlet the clinic gave Karen earlier that morning.

PAM

Okay. We’ve got a lead here. I’ll check it out.

EXT. KAREN’S CAR – SAME

Pam bags the evidence and starts walking away from the car, peering carefully at the ground.

PAM

We need to find what was at the end of that wood chip. Check Miss Bailey for woodchips and then cover her please.

DETECTIVE MILLER

Who’s Miss Bailey?

PAM

The beautiful young lady who was just robbed of her life.

EXT. CANYON ROAD SHOULDER – SAME

At that moment the obnoxiously intruding town REPORTER SHERRY, exits her car.

EXT. CANYON FIELD – DAY

Pam heads towards her from the field where Karen’s car is.

PAM

Salt, look for signs of force before BLS gets here. What can I help you with Sherry?

REPORTER SHERRY

Looks like a mishap here? What happened?

She continues to walk towards Pam and is close to the block off tape.

PAM

Do not pass the tape, this is a crime scene.

REPORTER SHERRY

That’s exactly why I’m here. I want the who, what, when, where, why and how of it.

PAM

You know I’m not going to give you any information. You’re wasting your time, go on back down the hill now.

REPORTER SHERRY

I can stand here if I want to, it’s a free country, I have my rights.

PAM

Stand all you want, but if you pass this tape, I will arrest you for tampering with a crime scene.

REPORTER SHERRY

You do and I’ll have the Mayor take your badge.

PAM

You threatening a Police Officer?

(beat)

I’m scared

(beat) Now off with you!

REPORTER SHERRY

You’re gonna be sorry Pam Karras! You can’t keep me from getting the facts.

As she is being threatened, Pam slowly walks towards Sherry while taking her handcuffs out. The Reporter turns and scurries behind her car. Pam stops and crosses her arms, staring Sherry down. Sherry crosses her arms. Pam proceeds slowly again toward Sherry and yanks on the handcuffs. Sherry gets in her car, and drives away. Pam starts chuckling, then turns and walks back towards the accident scene.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Dialogue on The Attack!

Dialogue from our characters traits, profile and attack/counterattack keeps the story moving forward without the device of exposition. Finding ways to tell the story through the tool of dialogue through character, should make our story much more interesting.

Pamela Karras – Compassionate, Tenacious, Aggressive, Logical

Elizabeth Baily – Loving, both Assertive and Aggressive, Revengeful

SUBTEXT: Pam doesn’t want to arrest Elizabeth. Elizabeth wants to be arrested ending the craziness of her revenge vendetta.

After Steven’s arrest, Pam finds out that the leader of the vigilante burglar ring attacking the bounty hunters is Elizabeth. Pam must arrest her. Elizabeth is now also an accessory to murder.

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – DAY

Elizabeth now lives in a much nicer neighborhood and in a bigger home. Beautiful trees and flowers line the walkway of terra cotta. Pam and her partner knock on Elizabeth’s door.

PAM

Go around the back.

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Elizabeth answers the door.

ELIZABETH

Ah, Barney Fife, coming to tell me something I already know.

PAM

Why? I told you I’d find Karen’s killer. Why, have you done this, now you’re going to jail, that’s no justice for Karen.

ELIZABETH

Justice!? You and your pathetic good for nothings weren’t going to do a thing about my girl’s killer! Do you know how many times I went down to your precinct to give them the information I found out about Crusher, to tell them he killed my little girl? Do you think they cared!? Do you think they listened!?

PAM

Elizabeth, listen to me. We don’t know for sure he did it. The case can fall apart and he’ll go scott free. Do you want that?

ELIZABETH

You did know that sleazy piece of shit Redneck admitted he was the guy who killed my Karen, right!? Why didn’t you geniuses know that!?

PAM

Here-say is not enough. It’s hard to prove he caused the accident.

ELIZABETH

We have it on tape!

PAM

I promise you, if he’s the guy I will get him, but right now I regret to say that you are under arrest.

ELIZABETH

Too little, too late!

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Elizabeth submits her hands palm side up to Pam. Pam takes Elizabeth’s arm and turns her around and starts to gently cuff her with her hands behind her back.

PAM

You are charged for racketeering and as an accessory to murder. You have the right to remain silent.

ELIZABETH

You can’t stop us. There’ll be more like me.

PAM

Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. You have–

ELIZABETH

We won’t stop until the blood-sucking vultures stop taking from our misfortunes.

PAM

The right to have an attorney present during–

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Pam is walking her towards the police car, her partner joins her.

ELIZABETH

(Shouting) I will not stop until I get justice for my Karen’s murder!

PAM

Any questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you.

EXT. POLICE CAR – SAME

Pam puts her in the police car, she is very careful with her.

ELIZABETH

(Shouting) This is the way justice will be
carried out now!

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Character Outline – Day 8

Doing this assignment I saw my limitations of traits and flaws that I had chosen before. Some things looked incomplete and some things looked one-dimensional. It took me awhile but I feel I improved upon Pam’s profile and now it shows more dimension, thus having more behavior to work from with her scenes. I also realized I needed to develop more Antagonists scenes. I started this outline with Pam’s first scene.

EXT. SAME – LATER
TENACIOUS/SPECIAL/FLAW: Show tunes echoing through the otherwise quiet canyon, Pam arrives on the scene and investigates the fatality wreckage with another Officer in her unit. She keeps the other officers on their toes. She finds a lead. While speaking to the Coroner she pops M&M’s constantly.

EXT. BAILEY HOME – LATE AFTERNOON

COMPASSIONATE/FLAW: Before Pam knocks on the door she finishes the last bite of her sandwich. Pam informs Karen’s Mother and her boyfriend of Karen’s fatal accident.

INT. CLINIC – MORNING
TENACIOUS: Pam’s investigation gets stopped by the HIPAA act as she needs a court order for that, but she does finds out about the bounty hunters who hang out there.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

TENACIOUS/LOGICAL: Pam asks her Social Worker friend Chloe for advice on different avenues to get around hipaa and needs info asap, as an upsurge on hit and run deaths.

INT. PAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
TENACIOUS/LOGICAL/FLAWS: Pam does research for the lack of funding. She finds masses of poverty stricken women and children, new orphanages, increased foster care staffing and foster home payments, welfare spiraling out of control. She finds articles of abuse, molestation, neglect of unloved, unwanted children. She looks into the death penalty. She pops M&M’s like there’s no tomorrow.

INT. LIBRARY – NEXT DAY

TENACIOUS/LOGICAL: Pam asks the reference desk for updated stats on the state’s government budgets, surpluses, deficits and sources of the information.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
AGGRESSIVE/COMPASSIONATE/PARADOX/NEED: Pam relays her findings to her Parents. Her Father tells her to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who becomes pregnant and must carry this burden. Pam’s Mother acquiesces with his point of view. Pam is at odds with herself and her family’s way of thinking. She knows the situation is unacceptable.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
TENACIOUS/LOGICAL/WANTS: Pam asks her friend in MIS to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She also needs the Operation Life List (OLL) database to find the harmful bounty hunters.
INT. PAM’S DESK – SAME

TENACIOUS/SPECIAL: She gets back and the Police Chief says the court order is not in yet, backlogged. She hums the song “Do you hear the people sing” from Les Miserables, under her breath.

INT. ELIZABETH’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
COMPASSIONATE/WANTS

Pam checks in with Elizabeth with no good news for her. She makes promises she might not be able to keep. Pam leaves and Elizabeth opens a bottle of Vodka chugging it as fast as she can.

INT. PAM’S CAR – DAY
TENACIOUS/LOGICAL/COMPASSIONATE

Pam checks out the orphanages. Row after row of shoddy buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker per thirty children. Older children are working.

INT. ORPHANAGE ROW BUNKHOUSE – SAME

COMPASSIONATE/LOGICAL/WANTS&NEEDS

She gets a childcare worker to talk to her. The worker tells her they are all loved and cared for which sounds like she’s said this a thousand times before, unemotional as a script the workers have to say.

INT. MESS HALL – DAY

COMPASSIONATE/LOGICAL/AGGRESSIVE/WANTS&NEEDS

She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

EXT. PARK – DAY

COMPASSIONATE/WANTS&NEEDS/PARADOX

Pam shares with her friend that she feels her hands are tied, that she can’t give proper justice to many women and the unloved, unwanted children. Chloe tells her she has some people she wants her to meet.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

LOGICAL/COMPASSIONATE/WANTS/PARADOX

Pam meets Chloe’s group. A Physician is going to challenge the law with his upcoming abortion civil lawsuit. They’ve got a meeting Monday with the Governor. Can Pam meet them there?

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY

AGGRESSIVE/TENACIOUS/WANTS/PARADOX

When pressed with questions the Governor excuses the group off as silly women and has his secretary escort them out.

INT. OUTSIDE THE GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – SAME

LOGICAL/AGGRESSIVE/WANTS/PARADOX

The group knows the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the guise and pretense of being concerned of all ‘Heartbeats’, so how could he be pro-death penalty?

INT. SUPPORT GROUP – DAY

Elizabeth learns about the bounty hunters. She introduces herself to the group talking how her Daughter Karen died seven weeks ago. She shares that she numbs herself with booze and pills.

INT. KARRAS HOME – ENTRY WAY – LATE AFTERNOON

LOGICAL/PARADOX

Chloe says they want to start a campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming up in the next few months. Pam is very reluctant to do this as the Governorship was not in her family’s plan.

INT. VERONICA’S KITCHEN – SAME

Veronica finds out she’s pregnant and is surprised Carlos does not want to help. She calls her doctor.

INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT – SAME

Elizabeth tries to tell the police she got information that it’s the bounty hunters who killed her Daughter. She is ignored. Her eyes have steely determination as she exits.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – EVENING

COMPASSIONATE/WANTS/PARADOX

Pam realizes she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. Deepening budget cuts and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, Pam’s Daughter Eliana asks if she’ll try to challenge the way things are?

INT. ELIZABETH HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

She starts a website with STEVEN HAYS, Karen’s boyfriend. They call it “Target Practice”. They instantly see traffic on their site. Her face softens and she smiles for the first time in weeks.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – MORNING

LOGICAL/TENACIOUS/FLAW/PARADOX

Chloe and Pam discuss who should be contacted next to create the plan; (unions, organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers from all over the state), after she talks with her family.

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – NIGHT

LOGICAL/COMPASSIONATE/WANT

Pam discusses with her family why she’s wants to run for office. Her husband reminds her that the Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him because they’re actually an overall minority in the state.

INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

LOGICAL/NEED/FLAW/PARADOX

Pam’s very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked at the news, they tell Pam she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an sinful and amoral cause. Pam eats cake that’s on the table.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – DAY

TENACIOUS/COMPASSIONATE/WANT

Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help. One call is a lead on a physician who the caller just got an abortion from. She gets the info.

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

TENACIOUS/WANT/FLAW

Pam goes to this physician who is still giving abortions, and asks him to join their legal challenge of the SB 8 bounty hunter law. The group arranged getting a local news interview. Pam prefers Chloe be the spokesperson.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

TENACIOUS/FLAW

Pam anonymously receives information on who’s on the bounty hunters hit list on the Texas ‘Operation Life List’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction. Chloe pulls out of the live interview at the last minute. Pam finishes swallowing as the camera turns to her.

INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

Pam’s parents are embarrassed seeing Pam on television organizing funding for any physicians who challenge this law in court. They are furious and disillusioned.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – EVENING

She gives the license number to one of her henchmen of a person who brought a civil lawsuit of 10k against someone involved in helping an abortion. She dispatches her men throughout the state to stalk and attack.

Mid-Point:

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING

Veronica learns she is eight weeks pregnant. The Gynecologist gives her the same pamphlet as Karen received, along with a business card with Pam’s name and number on it.

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – MORNING

NEED

Pam’s Brother Edward enters for the monthly family brunch but only sees the Karras’s. The parents are missing from this longstanding family tradition they have. “great video sis, whatcha have stuffed in there a hoagie?

INT. WELLE’S ENTRY WAY – DAY

NEED/PARADOX

Pam shows up with flowers for her parents. They give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

EXT. KARRAS GARDEN – DAY

NEED/SPECIAL/PARADOX

The only remedy when feeling down is gardening. She half heartedly and intermittently digs a hole for a pot of flowers. She brushes off her parent’s ultimatum, wipes her eyes and continues digging.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE- MORNING

TENACIOUS/LOGICAL/COMPASSIONATE

She asks Ellie for her help with making a website for the ‘Right to Choose’ movement. She is very happy to have this avenue open to women and children for communication.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – DAY

COMPASSIONATE/WANT

Her website crashes and her phone starts ringing off the hook as the need for help is high amongst children, welfare families and women who resent their forced babies. Many of the women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children on 267.00 a month that the state gives them.

EXT. KARRAS GARDEN – DAY

TENACIOUS/COMPASSIONATE/LOGICAL/WANT/SPECIAL

Pam and Chloe discuss funds they’re trying to find to help people that have reached out to them, but the need is greater than they can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in the state need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now growing exponentially.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – EVENING

She dispatches three henchmen to harass, and create auto and home property damage for the three bounty hunters on her list who started a civil lawsuit right of action for the 10,000.

EXT. MONTAGE – SAME

We’ll see the three attacks. One will go wrong and someone is killed.

INT. VERONICA’S KITCHEN – DAY

Veronica calls the number on the card.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – SAME

Pam’s volunteer Assistant DELORES SCHMIDT, tells Veronica of the one to two month back log. She will set the appointment immediately.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – SAME

Delores picks up the phone after her call with Veronica and makes the appointment for her.

INT. KARRAS DEN – NEXT MORNING

COMPASSIONATE/WANT/PARADOX

Pam sees a news clip of this group and is happy initially that other people are involved but the news clip then reveals that someone killed one of these deputized citizen’s turned bounty hunter.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATIONS BRIEFING ROOM – MORNING

NEED/PARADOX

The Police Chief commands an all hands on deck directive to find this group, excluding Pam because she could be one of the suspects since she is publicly for the same cause. Some of her fellow officers shun her.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

TENACIOUS/AGGRESSIVE/PARADOX

Using the state-wide database on the sly, Pam tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

TENACIOUS/LOGICAL/WANT

A man slips into Pam’s car while she is in the drivers seat. He has some information for her on the group.

INT. PARKING STRUCTURE – SAME

A bounty hunter gets attacked and beaten up by Steven Hays.

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – NIGHT

WANTS/NEEDS/FLAW/PARADOX

Being under-funded, slandered and falsely blamed of organizing the hits on citizens, along with being outcast from her family, Pam feels the odds are against her and thinks about quitting. She takes a pie out of the refrigerator.

EXT. MALL – DAY

Veronica notices someone is following her. She flips the guy off calling him a puto. He turns around so she can’t see his face.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam gets a phone call from an evangelical preacher. She writes down an address.

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

LOGICAL

Pam meets the evangelical anti-abortionist crusading preacher who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which gives her the faith to continue in this uphill battle.

INT. VERONICA’S CAR – SAME

A car is following Veronica aggressively. She fumbles but finds a card that says ‘Target Practice’ on it. She calls and tells them where she is.

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – SAME

She tells Veronica to stay where she’s at and she’ll dispatch someone to her immediately.

INT. VERONICA’S CAR – SAME

Veronica waits for the guys who are going to help her get rid of the man who is following her. They arrive within minutes.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY

COMPASSIONATE/WANTS/FLAW

The Governors wife had an abortion in her younger years. Pam chooses not to use this information.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING

WANT/FLAW/SECRET/SPECIAL

Elias and Eliana give her moments of encouragement before she goes on air for the debate. Pam fears someone might have dug into her past. She hums a show tune under her breath when she starts to walk on stage.

INT. SAME – LATER

LOGICAL/FLAW/SECRET/WANT&NEED/

One candidate finishes his speech, Pam is introduced and she starts her concerns.

INT. A BOUNTY HUNTER’S HOME – NIGHT

The couple leaves their house. Steven and his computer wiz friend break in. The friend goes to the computer and starts hacking past the password, while Steven finds a wall safe easily.

EXT. SAME HOME – SAME

The couple approaches their home and sees the front door open, the safe is open and empty. Their place has also been trashed.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – SAME TIME

Steven hands her the valuables and account numbers they got from the home. She is pleased.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – MORNING

NEED

Ten days after the debate Pam’s telephone rings. She is congratulated for winning the primary.

INT. SAME

NEED/AGGRESSIVE/PARADOX

The phone rings again, Pam has a smile on her face expecting another well-wisher. Her face soon turns to anger. She is threatened to pull out of the race. She slams the phone down resolutely.

INT. SAME

TENACIOUS/LOGICAL/WANT

Pam heads to her keyboard and starts typing an Op Ed piece on the devastation of the state and the enablers too willing to keep the status quo.

INT. OPERATION LIFE LIST HEADQUARTERS – DAY

TENACIOUS/AGGRESSIVE

Pam serves the OLL president a court order to search the premises. She confiscates documents listing bounty hunters and their addresses.

LIST – of MONTAGE

TENACIOUS/LOGICAL/AGGRESSIVE

Pam starts knocking on doors and checking cars out for any indication of wreckage. She finds none.

INT. THOMAS WELLES CHURCH – MORNING

Thomas sees that a few of his singers and church members are missing. Quizzically, he begins his sermon.

INT. SAME – LATER

While shaking members hands Thomas hears murmurs of ‘draft dodger’. One CHURCH MEMBER tells him of the rumors and let’s him know the church that some of his congregation are now going to instead.

EXT. BOUNTY HUNTER HOME – DAY

Steven hot-wires a decked out car. A dog barks at him ferociously. Steven gives him dog treats. He pets the dog and drives off as the owner charges out of his house shouting. The dog sits silently.

INT. KARRAS LIVING ROOM – EVENING

NEED/PARADOX

Pam’s Mother Patricia visits. Her purpose is to blame Pam for the ‘trouble’ she is causing her Father. Pam is clueless about the incident. Patricia leaves abruptly.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT, PAM’S DESK – DAY

LOGICAL

Pam gets an anonymous call from the passenger of the monster truck.

INT. ELIZABETH’S DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

She is counting lots of money. They’ll have funding for a year. She now lives in a better home, but nothing takes her sorrow away. She feels her Daughter with her when Steven is around.

INT. MONSTER TRUCK DRIVER – NIGHT

TENACIOUS/AGGRESSIVE/WANT

Pam is told by the redneck driver that she can’t do anything. There’s no way she can prove he caused the girl’s death. He tells her his lawsuits bought him a dandy truck. He warns her that she better back off.

INT. CELL PHONE – SAME

AGGRESSIVE

Driving home from her confrontation with the redneck, she gets a call on her cell phone.

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Her husband has dinner ready for her. This is one respite moment for Pam.

INT. VERONICA HOME – SAME

She is called with the date and time for her abortion.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – BEFORE DAWN

COMPASSIONATE/FLAW

The phone rings, it is the emergency room, a nurse tells Pam that Chloe has been beaten up and is unconscious, she is being notified as Chloe’s emergency contact. She starts to take a turnover with her, but immediately puts it back. She runs out the door.

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT

COMPASSIONATE/AGGRESSIVE

Seeing Chloe black and blue, swollen, and in a cast, Pam swears revenge for her.

EXT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT

AGGRESSIVE

Pam grabs the redneck’s collar and bangs his head on her knee. She uses a stun gun on him and curses him for hurting her friend. He screams about how he doesn’t know anything, she eventually is convinced.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

AGGRESSIVE/WANT

Pam’s file for the dead girl is missing from her desk. She finds a small piece of paper that has Chloe’s name, address, and a time on it, on Detective Salts desk. She runs out of the office.

EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING – DAY

TENACIOUS/AGGRESSIVE/WANT

As she is running towards her car she see Detective Salt with one of his friends. After roughing him up she finds out the contract came from the Governor’s office.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – SAME

AGGRESSIVE/WANT

Pam marches into the Chief’s office ignoring his meeting and tells him what happened. She wants to formally charge Detective Salt and wants to start an investigation into the Governor’s office of who requested the attack on Chloe.

EXT. KARRAS MAILBOX – MORNING

TENACIOUS/LOGICAL

Pam starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Pam receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of her Father’s military record which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned to pull out of the race.

Crisis:

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

LOGICAL/PARADOX/WANT&NEED/PARADOX

Pam confides her challenge with the Preacher that she is torn between wanting to help her parents or helping to create a better life for her Daughter, and fighting for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EARLY EVENING

COMPASSIONATE/WANT/FLAW

Pam is very glad to see Ashley Lee again, this time there are other people within hearing distance.

INT. ELIZABETH HOME OFFICE – EVENING

Five new bounty hunters to hit. She saves a special one for Steven.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING

LOGICAL/COMPASSIONATE/WANT/FLAW

Debate night. Pam annihilates the Governor with current statistics. The state has dire financial needs but the Governor only cares about controlling women under the falsehood of saving heartbeats, which is in direct opposition to his and his conservative legislatures pro death penalty law.

INT. DELORES CAR – DAY

Delores takes Veronica to the pick up location, as they drive they are followed by bounty hunters.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING

WANT&NEED/SPECIAL

The Governor falsely accuses Pam publicly as being a part of the vigilante group who are attacking the bounty hunters. Pam huffs and turns the television off. Sings loudly “The song of angry men…when tomorrow comes!” from a Les Miz song.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – SAME

COMPASSIONATE/LOGICAL/WANT

Pam reads the headline that another woman was found dead from an attempted self-abortion, which makes 112 now this year. Pam asks “at what point do the heartbeats of these women matter and the full lives they are living?” Her husband asks about the abortion pill.

EXT. MEETING LOCATION – SAME

They meet the pick up driver and the three other girls in the car going for the same purpose. A bounty hunter follows them for miles and then turns back when close to the state border.

INT. REDNECK’S HOME – MORNING

Steven goes after the redneck with a vengeance knowing that he is the guy who caused Karen’s death.

EXT. REDNECK’S FRONT YARD – SAME

Steven sets his red truck on fire, and then attempts to set the Redneck on fire. The cops arrest him.

INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING

The congregation thins out even more. Protesters chant ‘draft dodger and baby killer’ outside. A fire inspector tells Thomas he has been shut down for fire safety violations, and shouts to the congregation that everyone must leave.

EXT. KARRAS HOME – DAY

Pam and Eliana drive off in their car and are followed by the Operation Life List people.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – DAY

COMPASSIONATE/WANT/SPECIAL

Pam’s husband’s state government contract was cancelled and he and his crew were locked out. Pam heads out to the garden “I gotta go dig”.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

TENACIOUS/LOGICAL/WANT

Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She goes out the door.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – DAY

COMPASSIONATE/LOGICAL/AGGRESSIVE/WANT

Pam confronts Elizabeth, Elizabeth blames Pam and her department for not carrying out justice for her Daughter. She gently handcuffs Elizabeth after their exchange.

INT. KARRAS DEN – NIGHT

LOGICAL/WANT

The newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on the Governor’s watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite.

EXT. REDNECK’S HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON

AGGRESSIVE/WANT

Pam arrests the redneck.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

FLAW

Pam and her family arrive at the big ballroom. They are shown to the waiting room. Pam makes a beeline to the snack table.

INT. WELLE’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Pam’s votes are far below the Governor’s in the race. Thomas feels he must support his Daughter he and Patricia leave to be with her.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

FLAW/NEED

Pam is nervously eating carrots. Ashley Lee enters with her make-up kit. Pam picks up the phone and walks out the door.

INT. RITZY HOTEL BALLROOM – NIGHT

AGGRESSIVE/WANT&NEED/

She threatens the Governor that she’ll use the information about his wife if his people don’t back off. Stop the threats and harassment of her and her family members or else.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Without a pass Pam’s family try to enter the convention center where the celebration will be taking place, but is blocked by security detail, Patricia calls her Granddaughter.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter tells her Mother she’s going to run down to get the Grandparents and Uncle. Pam is surprised and pleased.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter brings out three security badges for the Grandparents.

Climax:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

NEED

Thomas lets Pam know how much they support her no matter their differing beliefs. Pam is overjoyed with their change of attitude.

Resolution:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam is now in the lead. They are very excited but also know the votes can turn again. Chloe and John are introduced, they beam at each other and are a little flirty.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

NEED

The final results come in. Thomas and Patricia are awoken out of their sleep when everyone begins cheering. Pam, and her husband and Daughter rush out to the Ballroom. The family follows.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

LOGICAL/WANT

Pam wins the election with a large number of the voters. In Pam’s acceptance speech she vows that her first line of business when she takes office is to obliterate the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law.

INT. THOMAS’S CHURCH – MORNING

The Gospel choir is singing an upbeat song with the two singers who stuck with Thomas smiling at him. Thomas smiling back at them nods, and then looks out at his full congregation again. Pam and family are front and center singing along.

EXT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING

The Governor’s Daughter exits a care clinic looking forlorn. The bounty hunters are waiting to start following her.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Translated Characters – Day 7

It was a great exercise to come up with many different angles and ideas to develop your characters, dialogue, and scenes. It helped me to reach further into my imagination for alternatives, as opposed to in a single moment what I would have instantly felt a character might say or do, which has shown to be very limiting. Some of the responses are very long and I have a challenge ahead of me to cut some of these important facts (stats) out. I bolded the responses I like the most.

Character Name: Pamela Karras, Protagonist, Soon to be Gubernatorial Candidate. Late 40’s, her looks are disarming, people are very comfortable around her, which helps her get what she needs.
Trait A: Compassionate:

1. I’m sure you’re not aware of the dire outcome

2. I know your hands are tied

3. This must be so hard for you being in this spot

4. I know you’re a church going man, but religion and the medical facts do not coincide in the SB 8 law.

5. My heart aches for every woman and child left in the cold with this law.

6. I know you can open your heart and see with your eyes what damage this law has been doing to thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of lives.

7. I’m sure you’d want your family members to have the real help they need if the situation came about, not just a 270 a month band-aid by TANF, that doesn’t help anyone.

8. You have a kind face, I’m sure your heart can be kind too.

Trait B: Homebody:

1. I’m out of my comfort zone coming here and talking with you today, but it is an important cause.

2. I’d much rather dig my head in the sand and pretend there’s no problem, but all one needs to do is open their eyes to see what desperation now exists in the lives of many women and children.

3. I’m safe, and my family’s safe in our safe little home, but what about those who are not, struggling to survive.

4. From the financial burden this law has caused women, NOT MEN, ONLY WOMEN and homeless children that flee everyday from your orphanages and abusive foster homes, what’cha gonna do for them? Pray!? Are they in your ‘thoughts and prayers’ Governor? or just fleeting thoughts on Sunday morning when you’re in church.

5. We both have wonderful, cozy, secure homes, but how about teenage girls who are turned away from their families because of pregnancy? Do you think the boy who got her pregnant will help pay for her or his parents will take her in? more than likely not. If you’re going to put this burden of forced term on girls why don’t you give them a fighting chance with sex education in high school at least? Do you hate females that much?

Trait C: Devoted to family:

1. I’m lucky to have a ‘normal’ family. How about you? But too many pregnancies are from teens that live in turbulence, be it family conditions, financial hardships, abusive situations, abandonment issues, you think the solution is adoption, orphanages or foster care? We taxpayers are paying for this assault on women’s rights along with the federal government who you abhor. Isn’t your outcry about too much government? And yet, you have your hand out, creating a bigger government. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…it’s a duck!

2. So what are you really doing for these heartbeats you dictated to save by the SB8 law? Thousands of these children sleep on mats on floors, in CPS offices, whether state and local officials have barred it or not, it is a reality, children have to sleep somewhere! And although children without proper placement has been an issue for years now, and only getting worse, the number of children has skyrocketed, nearly a tenfold increase from the previous year, and because of the mounting demand, children are sleeping in such places anyway. The number of Texas foster children placed in unlicensed facilities, like motels, churches and offices, surpassed 400 in June 2021. In 2021 the state lost at least 1,000 beds for children. Do you care about their ‘heartbeats’? There’s more to life for a child that your SB8 Heartbeat law clearly doesn’t care about. How about the love of a parent? How about the feeling they get on Christmas morning jumping out of their safe beds to get a glimpse of Santa? or having a family they know loves them? or clothes and personal items they can call their own and not have to have them taken from them as that’s all they have. Do you know some children, results of your dictated law have had to occasionally beg for a shower, toothbrush, toothpaste or even a meal? These kids that fall through the cracks and sleep on floors don’t get to experience much of the wonderful stuff of life and love. Don’t even get me started about how the state has to pay for the ones that have lost their way after matriculating out of the system. Front-line caseworkers say the situation is worsening by the day for the children, The harm to foster children goes beyond loneliness and missed meals. Foster children have been subjected to physical and sexual abuse in temporary placements. Children have gone missing while in state care and some have been groomed for sexual trafficking. CPS workers — trained for case management, not therapeutic care — have their hands tied in how to respond. At least 23 children have died in Texas’ long-term foster care system since summer 2019, These are traumatized kids who have experienced abuse, neglect, and much worse, they often age out of care more damaged than when they entered. Regarding the 2011 lawsuit of Texas foster care the U.S. District Judge who ruled said that children “often age out of care ‘more’ damaged than when they entered.” Twice the state was held in contempt of court for failing to adhere to her orders to make the system safer. So, I ask you again Governor, Do you really care about their ‘heartbeats’? demanding to bring MORE unwanted children into this most dark world for them, while you live in your cozy home. I know, I know….they’re in your ‘thoughts and prayers’!

3. You’re a man, so you can’t possibly know what females go through. Don’t you realize having an abortion is not a jaunt through the park? ‘Most’ women don’t view this decision lightly. It is a life-changing decision that only she should make and giving up a child creates scars for both the mother and the child through its life. Unless of course they were one of the lucky ones to be adopted by a loving family, but the statistics find the amount of adoptive parents available woefully lacking, and if the child doesn’t find a home by age six, their chances drop dramatically, if you’re a minority the possibility is even worse. Children are remarkably impressed upon and transformed into the adults that they’re going to become.

4. I’m all about family first, when there’s not going to be casualties. Do you have any concept of what these little children go through? Where’s my Mom? My Dad? Didn’t they love me? Am I unlovable? Then, if they are very unfortunate, they get abused at the hands of the very people you entrust and ‘pay’ to take care of them; orphanages, foster homes, taxpayers. At least 23 children were killed in foster care since 2019, how about their ‘heartbeats’?

Trait D: Stubborn:

1. There’s no excuse good enough to defend banning abortion!

2. You are unconstitutionally power grabbing at women’s expense.

3. What’s with you white males and your oppressed wives?

4. Mind your own business!

5. Isn’t it you and other Texans that fly the Gadsden flag “Don’t tread on me” as protest on restrictions of gun control? How’d you like there to be a ban on gun ownership? You and your kind would be screaming about your civil rights from the mountaintops.

6. How can you kill heartbeats of convicts but dictate that a woman must, with her body, carry an embryo to full term after six weeks? Heartbeat right! If a ‘heartbeat’ is detected, yes, convicts have faulty hearts, but they beat none-the-less. You can’t pick and choose what a ‘heartbeat’ is to your liking, for your own purposes or control in this SB8 law. You’re a fucking hypocrite! And all you so called ‘religious’ conservatives that demand the same are hypocrites too. This has nothing to do with religion, actually this law is a lack of religion and compassion for other. It is a cold-hearted agenda. But I’ve always said there are many of you who waste pew space to poster and pretend you are good people, but mostly you sit your asses in a pew on Sunday and sin on Monday.

Character Subtext: Luring and plotting

1. What is this law costing taxpayers?

2. So, you’re against the death penalty too then? They do have heartbeats when detected by a sonogram. Isn’t that the criteria in the SB8 law?

3. Shouldn’t there be consistency in the laws? It does appear to be a personal agenda.

4. From 2015 to present there have been 65 murders of ‘heartbeats’ on Texas death row. Why the double-speak, the double-standard?

5. So, it’s not true that your SB8 priority is to save heartbeats? Cause the same standard of policy or regulation (sonograms) would absolutely register heartbeats of death row inmates right? So, your white legislative branch and you sir, are cherry picking and choosing what ‘kind’ of heart beat qualifies here. I’d say this is just another attack on women to have control over them. Keep them in their place. Keep them in line.

6. Are you scared of women’s independence and power Governor? Are you scared we’re going to take your jobs and ‘power’ away? So, you and your kind find ways to oppress the obvious.

7. Is this how you curtail that? Keep us down? I can see by the pictures of your legislative branch you have very few women and other minorities to have a voice in their lives.

8. Shouldn’t this law be called the White Men’s Control Law? I mean, let’s get real. Let’s really put it out there and be honest.

9. You can be against abortion, but to FORCE your feelings onto another human being who feels differently and tell them how to live…it’s egregious! Shall I take your ‘guns’ away? Cause I’m against guns, they STOP heartbeats too, how would you and your conservative ‘values’ people like that? Where does controlling others end?

Want/Need: She wants life to be fair and just for all, so she runs for Governor, she needs to feel unconditionally loved.

Paradox: Although tenacious in her work, Pam is easy going and doesn’t like conflict or getting too involved in others issues, but she soon finds it hard to ignore the struggles of others.

Secret: Pam and friends were arrested for drug possession one night while in college, the drugs belonged to another person, but they were all riding in the same car.

Flaw: She has paralysis when attempting public speaking, and fears her conservative family will disown her.

Special: She fights for people who can’t fight for themselves.

Character Arc: Pam has two debilitating fears that she overcomes.

Character Logline: Pamela is like a dog with a bone STUBBORN, who PLOTS and LURES information from others with her congenial way, if she feels it will be to her advantage. She borders on manipulative.

Character Name: Governor Chad Babbitt, late 40’s. Chad has a thousand watt smile even while stabbing you in the back. He’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Trait A: Hypocrite:

1. I care about all my flock her in Texas. I’m doing what’s best for everyone.

2. We pray to Jesus ‘hard’ in church. He hears our pleas and he spoke to me to save all heartbeats.

3. If men were able to bare children the law would be for us too. It just so happens to be little ladies like you that get to procreate. We aim to keep it that way.

4. Those heartbeats killed other heartbeats, so it’s an eye for an eye.

5. My heart goes out to all that this law creates hardships for.

Trait B: Chauvinist:

1. Too many of you women keep your pants and skirts open.

2. If women would just resist our advances, there’d be no problem.

3. You women need to be controlled for your own good.

4. Don’t let your beau poke ya, and there’d be no problem.

5. Most women truly want to be told what to do. There are some exceptions like you.

6. This country, the Constitution and the laws were formed by men, are run by men, and will continue to be shaped by men.

7. Little ladies, this was great fun jawing with ya, but I have to get back to serius work now.

8. Oh, you like that picture huh, my daddy, god bless his soul, would say “I dirtied up my backyard with four girls trying to get my boy”.

9. What do you ladies worry about? We take care of you. Make a good home and life for you. Why aren’t you satisfied with that!

Trait C: Short tempered:

1. Now you’ve really chapped my hide.

2. I’m sick of you women starting trouble, you man-haters get out of my office!

3. Well, I can see you did some work here, I could’ve saved you some time. We’re not going to reverse this law.

4. I don’t care how many innocent women get hurt from the bounty hunters, they should’ve kept their skirts on!

5. If people want to sue each other they can, that is out of my hands.

6. There’d be no call for Bounty Hunters if women didn’t have abortions.

Trait D: Loves his wife:

1. My wife’s a saint.

2. My wife has a made a beautiful home for us.

3. You should all be God fearing women like my wife.

4. My wife is a wonderful accepting Mother.

5. Women like you can’t hold a candle to my wife, she cares so much, she has a prayer meeting every week for the unborn babies, orphans, foster kids, they give money too.

Subtext: Unethical:

1. Sometimes I have to move mountains to get bills passed.

2. You go lookin’ for trouble, trouble might come lookin’ for you.

3. We buy the land. We have a nice consortium of investors and developers.

4. I have a lot of favors I have to cash in.

5. I have a lot of people I have to answer to.

6. My branch is stacked with people who think like me. If you don’t like it, try to unseat me.

7. You have to pay to play.

8. If a contractor doesn’t like it, they can hit the highway.

Want/Need: Chad wants to retain his position of Governor, which brings him lots of power. He is insecure

1. You women want it all don’t you. You can’t have everything.

2. You think your power is in spreading your legs.

3. I have friends in high places, just try to take me down.

4. I’ve been in this position because I listen to what my constituents want, and this is where I’ll stay.

5. Just try to unseat me, do your best, you’ll have a surprising road to hoe. It’ll be a bumpy ride.

6. My people love me, if you want to come up against me, you’ll have another thing coming.

Paradox: His public act is fearlessness, but in reality he truly is afraid of the gains of women and minorities. He controls women’s bodies with the SB8 anti-abortion law.

Secret: His wife had an abortion in her younger college years.
Flaw: He looks like he would have been a boy scout in his youth, but he has no ethical boy scout traits.
He’ll do whatever it takes to retain his seat of power.
Special: He loves guns and his verbiage often includes gun knowledge or slang.

1. You sharp shooters are starin’ down my barrel

2. Little lady, If you don’t stop threatening me I’ll get out my eleven.

Character Arc: He is always polished and slick when romancing his base, but when Pam rattles his nerves during a televised debate, he turns to incoherent nonsensical ramblings (which he thinks no one can see through).

Character Logline: Chad is an UNETHICAL Governor who only cares about his power and will bribe or threaten anyone who stands in his way.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Character Chemistry – Day 6

This helped me to summarize and track the connectedness of the characters, and serves to build on the characters relationships, which helps to create depth that will add to my script.

Pam Karras/Governor Chad Babbitt

Pam Karras/Chloe Carter

Governor Chad Babbitt/Governor’s Daughter Madison Babbitt

Pam Karras/Husband Elias Karras

Pam Karras/ Father Thomas Welles

Pam Karras/Governor Chad Babbitt:

Common Ground: Both have conservative backgrounds, they both have Daughters, they both believe in the death penalty.

Differences that create conflict: Pam believes in women’s constitutional rights to choose (pro-choice) regarding pregnancies, the Governor has stripped the constitutional rights of women to choose in his state by creating a state law that polices abortionists and anyone who helps a pregnant women, by pitting citizens (bounty hunters) against them through litigation.

Playing the same game/Competing Agendas: Pam is running to unseat the Governor and the Governor wants to retain his seat of power.

Need fulfillment: Have to think further on this.

Pam Karras/Chloe Carter:

Common Ground: They met in science club in junior high school, they both went into public service fields, their children would have been the same age.

Differences that create conflict: Chloe has a beautiful singing voice and easily performs well when on stage. Pam loves singing but can’t carry a tune and gets stage fright, Chloe’s life in high school was centered around the drama club, Pam didn’t make the cut. They re-established their connection after high school. Pam’s Daughter would have been the same age as Chloe’s son had he survived his infancy.

Playing the same game/Competing Agendas: Pam and Chloe work together to unseat the Governor. Chloe proves to be a great Campaign Manager for her friend.

Need fulfillment: They both believe in every females right to choose what happens with their own body, and work to inform the state’s voters of the devastation this law has created for those affected by it. Chloe covers for Pam when in public arenas because Pam freezes. At some point Pam has to overcome this paralysis.

Governor Chad Babbitt/Governor’s Daughter Madison Babbitt:

Common Ground: Chad is the Father of Madison.

Differences that create conflict: Being Chad’s only child, he tries to keep tight reins on Madison. The more he tries the more she rebels. She is spirited young lady and Chad is a power hungry, myopic misogynist who only knows life as ‘his way or the highway’.

Playing the same game/Competing Agendas: Madison loves freedom and although she can’t stand her Dad she plays him like a fiddle so she doesn’t have to work, but can still maintain her upper class lifestyle by living in their family home. She is starting to realize this arrangement is no longer serving her and she actually starts looking for a job. He wants to keep her home, controlled, safe.

Need fulfillment: They both need to control each other. But she really needs him to be more present, and accept her unconditionally. He needs her to be submissive to his wishes to maintain their public persona as a wholesome family.

Pam Karras/Husband Elias Karras:

Common Ground: They met at college in their international studies program. He is Greek, and has the same belief as Pam on abortion rights and family being the number one priority. They have one Daughter, Eliana who is now in her early-twenties. It is tradition to have Sunday dinner all together, and once a month with the extended family. They love to play board games and have an official date night once a week as a way to keep connected in their busy lives. He is progressive in his thinking as well, and they both believe in being pro-active rather than reactive.

Differences that create conflict: Sometimes the differences of beliefs of the extended family create conflict for Pam and Elias. Pam’s is conservative and Elias’s is progressive. The familial traditions create minor conflicts on holidays, etc .

Playing the same game/Competing Agendas: Pam loves to be at home when not working, and Elias has his own construction company which creates odd and long hours

Need fulfillment: They both want to see each other succeed; where Pam has a paralyzing fear of public speaking, Elias gets his crew to be one of her practice audiences. He helps her with her toastmaster speeches. He mans her hotline when Delores isn’t there. She does his bookkeeping and washes his clothes when he drags himself in late night with exhaustion. They are partners. When the Governor pulls his state contract and puts Elias and his crew out of work, Pam takes measures into her own hands and throws her ethics of fighting fair ‘out the window’.

Pam Karras/ Father Thomas Welles:

Common Ground: Thomas is Pam’s Father. She is more connected to him then she is to her Mother. They both love to sing show-tunes in the car together, that’s where her love of them came from.

Differences that create conflict: Pam is progressive and her Parents are conservative which lends to many heated debates and sometimes hard feelings. Thomas and Patricia sometimes come off as conditional Parents, as they have their beliefs and it’s hard for them to bend. Pam and her Brother Edward, were raised with the words sin, punishment, the wrath of God, etc. The Parents are God-fearing people and they want their offspring to be too.

Playing the same game/Competing Agendas: Thomas and Patricia get to the point that they threaten Pam that she’ll be excommunicated from the family if she doesn’t stop attacking the SB8 ban on abortion law and focusing on the political stance of their conservative Governor.

Need fulfillment: They both have the need for keeping the family unit together, they just go about it differently. When Thomas’ church and congregation get threatened by the Governor, Pam decides that she’s going to use any means she can to get him to stop his strong-arming, she has thrown her ethics out the window.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Character Arc – Day 5

By changing only one character challenge about your protagonist; fear, flaw or trait, it will create a character arc that will make your characters stronger, more emotional, and create a more meaningful experience.

I liked Pam’s arc before, admittedly it wasn’t brazen but she did have things to get over.

For this exercise I wrote her arc with a much bigger fear.

Fear to be changed: She’s afraid of her conservative family disowning her for her beliefs.

New Issue: Pam has a fear of public speaking

The Challenges:

Challenge 1: When she was to be presented with her 20 year pin at the presentation luncheon, she broke out in sweat and said she wasn’t feeling well and had to leave.

Challenge 2: The Chief asks her to give the daily assignments to thirty fellow officers, she’s uncomfortable and feels as if a balloon is blown up in her stomach, making it hard to breathe, she slowly gets through it.

Challenge 3: She is quiet during the Governor’s meeting, but afterwards has many insightful things to say. The group wonders why she didn’t speak up when it was necessary.

Challenge 4: Pam must get up and speak to voters while campaigning. She gets dizzy and faints. Chloe takes over.

Challenge 5: She tries again at another campaign, she starts strong but when everyone quiets down to listen to her she draws a blank. She reads from her notes, the energy drains to an all time low and people walk away.

Transformation 1: Montage of Pam signing up for Toastmasters. She practices a few different times with them, gets through the speeches to people clapping. She has a face of accomplishment.

Challenge 6: Pam is nervous about the televised debate of the primary candidates. She is breathing hard and panicking backstage. Her husband helps her with their breathing exercises and prompts her through how she’s overcome this problem so far.

Transformation 2: She has to debate the Governor for the general elections. She is much calmer but has moments of panic and the balloon in her lungs, making it hard to breathe at first. She deeply breathes through it, eventually she gains speed and confidence, she’s finally in ‘the zone’.

STRUCTURE:

OPENING SCENE: A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

Challenge 1: When she was to be presented with her 20 year pin at the presentation luncheon, she broke out in sweat and said she wasn’t feeling well and had to leave.

INCITING INCIDENT: Right to Life members follow her too close on the road and accidentally cause her to car to flip over continually, killing her.

Challenge 2: The Chief asks her to give the daily assignments to thirty fellow officers, she’s uncomfortable and feels as if a balloon is blown up in her stomach, making it hard to breathe, she slowly gets through it.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Pam decides the only way to fight this attack on women is from the top.

Challenge 3: She is quiet during the Governor’s meeting, but afterwards has many insightful things to say. The group wonders why she didn’t speak up when it was necessary.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Pam teams up with women from all over the state to organize a plan to take on the Governorship.

Challenge 4: Pam must get up and speak to voters while campaigning. She gets dizzy and faints. Chloe takes over.

Mid-Point: Pam’s family starts to shun her. She’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

Challenge 5: She tries again at another campaign, she starts strong but when everyone quiets down to listen to her she draws a blank. She reads from her notes, the energy drains to an all time low and people walk away

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Under-funded, slandered and falsely accused, Pam feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father who will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.

Transformation 1: Montage of Pam signing up for Toastmasters. She practices a few different times with them, gets through the speeches to people clapping. She has a face of accomplishment.

Crisis: Pam is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for all women’s freedom of choice.

Challenge 6: Pam is nervous about the televised debate of the primary candidates. She is breathing hard and panicking backstage. Her husband helps her with their breathing exercises and prompts her through how she’s overcome this problem so far.

Climax: She finds out about the Governor’s wife having an abortion in her younger years and uses that information to shut him down from exposing her Father. Her Father tries to reach her.

Transformation 2: She has to debate the Governor for the general elections. She is much calmer but has moments of panic and the balloon in her lungs, making it hard to breathe at first. She deeply breathes through it, eventually she gains speed and confidence, she’s finally in ‘the zone’.

Resolution: Pam wins the election by a large margin. With great words of conviction Pam powerfully tells the voters that the first line of business will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ ban. Her family has accepted her point of view. The beaten Governor’s Daughter walks out of a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Characters Live! – Day 4

Our goal, If done well, is to expound on our character descriptions with details and depth, which can help the reader or audience go on an emotional ride with the character throughout the script.

EXT. CANYON FIELD – DAY

Karen Bailey’s car is crush and dented at the crime scene. The sloped field is sixty yards from the curved highway. Yellow crime scene tape block any unauthorized people from approaching the scene. DETECTIVE SALT AND DETECTIVE MILLER, along with the local CORONER, JEB are diligently working the crime scene. Show tunes are blasting in this canyon, which creates a loud echo. The show tunes and the echo get louder with each second.

EXT. CANYON ROAD SHOULDER – SAME

A police car pulls up blasting the show tunes, the car stops, the canyon is quiet and peaceful. PAM KARRAS, a police officer, steps out of the car. If in a perfect world Pam would have loved to be a hoofer, singing and dancing are her passions, but unfortunately she’s tone deaf with two left feet. Whip smart with piercing eyes, she has follow-up questions before you’ve even finished your sentence. Her handicap is often failing to read subtext, which can be a challenge in her line of work.

EXT. CANYON FIELD – SAME

Ducking under the perimeter tape Pam heads towards the wreckage, the two officers meet her and give her the rundown on the findings so far.

PAM

What’ve we got?

DETECTIVE SALT

It’s a rollover, the occupant is deceased, Jeb is examining the site, we should have more information soon.

Detective Salt walks towards Coroner Jeb.

DETECTIVE SALT

Jeb, what’ya got?

The Coroner glances Detective Salt’s way, smiles and addresses Pam as she approaches him.

CORONER JEB

Jeez, that pin’s all you got for your twenty mark?

PAM

Budget cuts, what can I say.

CORONER JEB

That’s our local girl scout, taking one for the team.

Detective Miller chuckles quietly.

DETECTIVE SALT

She should have at least gotten a goody two shoes badge.

They all laugh, they are all friends.

PAM

Funny, funny, funny, you guys are hilarious. What’ya got Jeb?

CORONER JEB

(Still a little amused)

Okay, Switching gears. The deceased is a young girl, without further examination she looks to be in her mid-teens. I see trauma to her head from the car rolling, but her death was probably caused by her broken neck. It appears there’s internal bleeding.

Pam nervously downs Peanut M&M’s while listening to him. The Coroner looks at her curiously.

CORONER JEB

Good huh?

PAM

Peanuts are my jam. Can’t get better than wrapped up in chocolate. Such a baby, I never get used to this.

Pam eats more M&M’s. Jeb nods in agreement.

PAM

I’ll quit when I do.

CORONER JEB

Yep.

(beat)

Okay. Once you’re finished, let me know, we can’t know specifics without the autopsy.

PAM

Of course, thanks, Jeb.

The Coroner walks past her. A second thought for Pam…

PAM

(loudly)

The ambulance been called?

CORONER JEB

(Shouting back to her)

I think one of your Officer’s took care of that.

PAM

(Shouting to the Detectives)

Who called the ambulance?

The Detectives look at each other, speaking in low voices.

PAM

(Straining to hear them)

Hey, I flunked mind reading in High School, someone tell me the ambulance has been called!

DETECTIVE SALT

Miller, I asked you to do ONE thing!

DETECTIVE MILLER

I’m on it, I’m on it.

Detective Miller immediately gets on his phone and makes the call.

DETECTIVE SALT

Pam, this is curious.

Detective Salt leans into the car as Pam approaches him and his find.

INT. KAREN’S CAR – DAY

DETECTIVE SALT

A wood chip. This is odd. There is nothing anywhere else in the car that it broke away from. Where did it come from?

PAM

Is that possibly what broke the window? I didn’t see any boulders around that could have broken it during the rolling. But just to make sure, comb the pathway of where the car rolled for any rocks, boulders or stones.

Have Miller brush every single inch of this car for fingerprints. No stone unturned. Got it?

Pam searches the glove compartment, she pulls out Karen’s registration and the pamphlet the clinic gave Karen earlier that morning.

PAM

Okay. We’ve got a lead here. I’ll check it out.

EXT. KAREN’S CAR – SAME

Pam bags the evidence and starts walking away from the car, peering carefully at the ground.

PAM

We need to find what was at the end of that wood chip.

EXT. CANYON ROAD SHOULDER – SAME

At that moment the obnoxiously intruding town REPORTER SHERRY, exits her car.

EXT. CANYON FIELD – DAY

Pam heads towards her from the field where Karen’s car is.

PAM

Salt, look for signs of force before the ambulance gets here. What can I help you with Sherry?

REPORTER SHERRY

Looks like a mishap here? What happened?

She continues to walk towards Pam and is close to the block off tape.

PAM

Do not pass the tape, this is a crime scene.

REPORTER SHERRY

That’s exactly why I’m here. I want the who, what, when, where, why and how of it.

PAM

You know I’m not going to give you any information. You’re wasting your time, go on back down the hill now.

REPORTER SHERRY

I can stand here if I want to, it’s a free country, I have my rights.

PAM

Stand all you want, but if you pass this tape, I will arrest you for tampering with a crime scene.

REPORTER SHERRY

You do and I’ll have the Mayor take your badge.

PAM

You threatening a Police Officer?

(beat)

I’m scared

(beat) Now off with you!

REPORTER SHERRY

You’re gonna be sorry Pam Karras! You can’t keep me from getting the facts.

As she is being threatened, Pam slowly walks towards Sherry while taking her handcuffs out. The Reporter turns and scurries behind her car. Pam stops and crosses her arms, staring Sherry down. Sherry crosses her arms. Pam proceeds slowly again toward Sherry and yanks on the handcuffs. Sherry gets in her car, and drives away. Pam starts chuckling, then turns and walks back towards the accident scene.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Dueling Agendas – Day 3

What I learned is it makes a scene much richer when you use differing agendas and subtext.

Pamela Karras – Stubborn, Compassionate, Homebody, Devoted to family

Elizabeth Baily – Loving, Assertive, Revengeful

Pam’s agenda: She must arrest Elizabeth, who is responsible for a burglar ring and is an accessory to murder.

Elizabeth’s agenda: To continue doing her vigilante work.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She gestures to a fellow police officer and heads out the door.

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – DAY

Pam and her partner knock on Elizabeth’s door.

PAM

Go around the back.

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Elizabeth answers the door.

ELIZABETH

Ah, Barney Fife, coming to tell me something I already know.

PAM

Why? I told you I’d find Karen’s killer. Why, have you done this, now you’re going to jail, that’s no justice for Karen.

ELIZABETH

Justice!? You and your pathetic good for nothings weren’t going to do a thing about my girl’s killer! Do you know how many times I went down to your precinct to give them the information I found out about Crusher, to tell them he killed my little girl? Do you think they cared!? Do you think they listened!?

PAM

Elizabeth, listen to me. We don’t know for sure he did it. The case can fall apart and he’ll go scott free. Do you want that?

ELIZABETH

You did know that sleazy piece of shit Redneck admitted he was the guy who killed my Karen, right!? Why didn’t you geniuses know that!?

PAM

Here-say is not enough. It’s hard to prove he caused the accident.

ELIZABETH

We have it on tape!

PAM

I promise you, if he’s the guy I will get him, but right now I regret to say that you are under arrest.

ELIZABETH

Too little, too late!

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Pam takes her arm and turns her around and starts to gently cuff her.

PAM

You are charged for racketeering and as an accessory to murder. You have the right to remain silent.

ELIZABETH

You can’t stop us. There’ll be more like me.

PAM

Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. You have…

ELIZABETH

We won’t stop until the blood sucking vultures stop taking from our misfortunes.

PAM

The right to have a lawyer present during,

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Pam is walking her towards the police car, her partner joins her.

ELIZABETH

(Shouting) I will not stop until I get justice for my Karen’s murder!

PAM

Any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed to you.

EXT. POLICE CAR – SAME

Pam puts her in the police car, she is careful with her.

ELIZABETH

(Shouting) This is the way justice will be carried out now!

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Subtext and Loglines – Day 2

I found this exercise to be a challenge thinking of subtext for the characters. It took me in a different direction with one of my characters but it did add more dimension to them.

Name: Pamela Karras

Traits: Stubborn, Compassionate, Homebody, Devoted to family.

Subtext: Stubborn

Character Logline: Pamela is like a dog with a bone STUBBORN, who CONCEALS information if she feels it will be to her advantage, she borders on manipulative.

Possible areas of subtext: Acts clueless of facts when she’s trying to get more information. Having been brushed off by the Governor makes a plan of action in rebuttal. She has decided to run for Governor, but leads her family to feel they made the decision. She conceals her arrest which cause her problems.

Name: Governor Chad Babbitt

Traits: Hypocrite, Chauvinist, Loves his wife, unethical

Subtext: Unethical

Character Logline: Chad is an UNETHICAL Governor who only cares about his power and will bribe or threaten anyone who stands in his way.

Possible areas of subtext: He unethically takes the constitutional rights of women away to appease his base. He threatens Pam’s family members. He has Pam’s Husband’s governmental contract rescinded, which makes sixteen people jobless.

Name: Chloe Carter

Traits: Activist, Caring, Refined,

Subtext: Refined

Character Logline: Chloe is a refined Social Worker who has learned the best way to get a long is to go along. She is Mount Vesuvius ready to blow.

Possible areas of subtext: Chloe’s Manager keeps piling work upon her once it is found out that she is helping her friend Pam. After she is attacked she doesn’t complain, Pam gets angry for her. Chloe’s home is impeccable as well as her manners and behavior. Internalizing, she sings show tunes when she is upset.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Characters – Day 1

What I learned doing this assignment is that using certain characteristics can really help make your character come alive. Answering important items such as traits, want/needs, secrets, special characteristics, etc. can breathe life and dialogue into something that could have been flat or one-dimensional. And referring to these answers as a one off page can keep you on track and consistent with the character’s behavior, dialogue, etc.

Character Name: Pamela Karras

1. Basic character traits: Tenacious, Compassionate, homebody, devoted to family.

2. Want/Need: She wants life to be fair and just for all, so she runs for Governor, she needs to feel unconditionally loved.

3. Paradoxes (Warring elements): Although tenacious in her work, Pam is easy going and doesn’t like conflict or getting too involved in others issues, but she soon finds it hard to ignore the struggles of others.

4. Secret: Pam and friends were arrested for drug possession one night while in college, the drugs belonged to another person, but they were all riding in the same car.

5. Flaw: She doesn’t have a diplomacy filter and she short-hands dialogue

6. Special: She listens to show tunes while digging holes in her garden when she’s upset.

Character Name: Governor Chad Babbitt

1. Basic character traits: Hypocrite, Chauvinist, short tempered, loves his wife

2. Want/Need: Chad wants to retain his position of Governor, which brings him lots of power. He is insecure.

3. Paradoxes (Warring elements): His public act is fearlessness, but in reality he truly is afraid of the gains of women and minorities. He controls women’s bodies with the SB8 anti-abortion law.

4. Secret: His wife had an abortion in her younger college years.

5. Flaw: He looks like he would have been a boy scout in his youth, but he has no ethical boy scout traits. He’ll do whatever it takes to retain his seat of power.

6. Special: He loves guns and his verbiage often includes gun knowledge or slang.

Character Name: Chloe Carter

1. Basic character traits: Activist, Caring, Funny

2. Want/Need: She wants to save all children so she became a social worker, she needs to forgive herself for not being able to save her own child. If she can save others, it helps her to carry on with life.

3. Paradoxes (Warring elements): She comes off assertive initially but she actually feels guilty when holding her ground and tends to bend.

4. Secret: She carries the illogical guilt of her Son’s death from pneumonia, only Pam knows of Chloe’s Son.

5. Flaw: She’s too trusting and bends to other’s wishes.

6. Special: She runs until she
drops each morning and evening.

[Jodi Harrison]

I’m looking to Exchange on Essence Outlines. Please let me know if you’d like to do this. All the beats were capitalized but didn’t paste that way.

Thank you from Jodi Harrison

CONCEPT: TIMELY:

Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, or anyone trying to help them. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by this five year-old system.

PLOT CHOICE:

#16. Sacrifice – Belonging to a very conservative family, a forensic investigator fights the system that created the bounty hunting abortion ban having witnessed first hand the devastation this horrific unconstitutional law has created. She is afraid she will lose her family ties with this fight.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE:

Dramatic Triangle

LEAD CHARACTERS:

Pamela Karras is a Forensic Investigation Officer who eventually runs for Governor to stop the destruction the SB8 law has created.

Chloe Carter is a Social Worker who is Pam’s best friend, they battle through the devastation inflicted from the SB8 law and forge a new alliance with concerned organizations.

Governor Chad Babbitt wants to keep his seat of power at all costs, even if that means hurting people to do it.

Dramatic Question: Can Pam win the Governorship and overturn the SB8 law? Will her family disown her if she does?

MAIN CONFLICT: Pam decides that the only way she can help the women and children of the state is to run for the Governorship to abolish the SB8 law.

DILEMMA: Having a very conservative pro-life family, Pam runs the risk of being disowned by them.

Theme: Don’t tread on me. America is not a dictatorship…yet.

PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:

Pam has been raised family-first and follows every law obediently. She realizes she must go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice. Someone must reverse the Heartbeat law before it damages any more people. Reluctantly, Pam puts her hat in the ring for the Governorship. She is afraid her conservative family will disown her. Eventually she decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, even if unlawful.

OPENING SCENE:

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

KAREN BAILEY, a young teen finds out she’s pregnant and faints.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY

The same teenage girl exits the clinic and is scared by the bounty hunters waiting for them.

EXT. SAME

It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.

INT. CAR – SAME

Karen is shaken and scared of the truck following her. She punches on the gas.

EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The two rednecks continue to follow

EXT. SAME

More scared than ever and going too fast, Karen goes off the highway. Her car flips continually, she dies.

EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY

The rednecks had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flipping. They know they were the cause.

INT. THE MONSTER TRUCK – DAY

Against the passenger’s wishes, the driver leaves the scene of the accident.

EXT. SAME – LATER
Pam arrives on the scene and investigates it with another Officer in her unit. She finds a lead.

EXT. BAILEY HOME – LATE AFTERNOON

Pam informs Karen’s Mother, ELIZABETH BAILEY and Elizabeth’s boyfriend, CHARLES WRIGHT, of Karen’s fatal accident. Elizabeth falls into Charles’ arms crying.

INT. CLINIC – MORNING
Pam’s new investigation gets stopped by the HIPAA act. She finds out about the bounty hunters who hang out there.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Lack of funds leave many victims high and dry. The state is overburdened because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunters law’s ban on abortion.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Pam’s asks her Social Worker friend Chloe for advice on different avenues to get around this and get info asap, as an upsurge on hit and runs.

INCITING INCIDENT:

INT. VERONICA BERNAL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

In the throws of passion with her sex partner CARLOS RIOS, Veronica stops abruptly and asks him to put a condom on. She naively believes him when he says he sterile.

INT. PAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Pam does research for the lack of funding. She finds masses of poverty stricken women and children, new orphanages, increased foster care staffing and foster home payments, welfare spiraling out of control. She finds articles of abuse, molestation, neglect of unloved, unwanted children. She looks into the death penalty.

INT. LIBRARY – NEXT DAY

Pam asks the reference desk for updated stats on the state’s government budgets, surpluses, deficits and sources of the information.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
Pam’s parents tell her to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who becomes pregnant and must carry this burden. Pam’s Mother acquiesces with his point of view. This way of thinking is unacceptable to Pam.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Pam asks her friend in MIS to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She also needs the Operation Life List (OLL) database to find the harmful bounty hunters.

INT. PAM’S DESK – SAME

She gets back and the Police Chief says the court order is not in yet, backlogged.

INT. ELIZABETH’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Pam checks in with Elizabeth with no good news for her. She makes promises she might not be able to keep. Pam leaves and Elizabeth opens a bottle of Vodka chugging it as fast as she can.

INT. PAM’S CAR – DAY
Pam checks out the orphanages. Row after row of shoddy buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker per thirty children. Older children are working.

INT. ORPHANAGE ROW BUNKHOUSE – SAME

She gets a childcare worker to talk to her. The worker tells her they are all loved and cared for which sounds like she’s said this a thousand times before, unemotional as a script the workers have to say.

INT. MESS HALL – DAY

She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

EXT. PARK – DAY

Pam shares with her friend that she feels her hands are tied, that she can’t give proper justice to many women and the unloved, unwanted children. Chloe tells her she has some people she wants her to meet.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Pam meets Chloe’s group. A Physician is going to challenge the law with his upcoming abortion civil lawsuit. They’ve got a meeting Monday with the Governor. Can Pam meet them there?

INT. ELIZABETH LIVING ROOM – DAY

Distraught and miserable Elizabeth tells Charles that she can’t keep on like this. He suggests a support group.

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY

When pressed with questions the Governor excuses the group off as silly women and has his secretary escort them out.

INT. OUTSIDE THE GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – SAME

The group knows the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the guise and pretense of being concerned of all ‘Heartbeats’, so how could he be pro-death penalty?

INT. SUPPORT GROUP – DAY

Elizabeth learns about the bounty hunters. She introduces herself to the group talking how her Daughter Karen died seven weeks ago. She shares that she numbs herself with booze and pills.

INT. KARRAS HOME – ENTRY WAY – LATE AFTERNOON

Chloe says they want to start a campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming up in the next few months. Pam is very reluctant to do this as the Governorship was not in her family’s plan.

INT. VERONICA’S KITCHEN – SAME

Veronica finds out she’s pregnant and is surprised Carlos does not want to help. She calls her doctor.

INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT – SAME

Elizabeth tries to tell the police she got information that it’s the bounty hunters who killed her Daughter. She is ignored. Her eyes have steely determination as she exits.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – EVENING

Pam realizes she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. Deepening budget cuts and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, Pam’s Daughter Eliana asks if she’ll try to challenge the way things are?

INT. ELIZABETH HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

She starts a website with STEVEN HAYS, Karen’s boyfriend. They call it “Target Practice”. They instantly see traffic on their site. Her face softens and she smiles for the first time in weeks.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – MORNING

Chloe and Pam discuss who should be contacted next to create the plan; (unions, organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers from all over the state), after she talks with her family.

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Pam discusses with her family why she wants to run for office. Her husband reminds her that the Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him because they’re actually an overall minority in the state.

INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

Pam’s very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked at the news, they tell Pam she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an sinful and amoral cause.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – DAY

Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help. One call is a lead on a physician who the caller just got an abortion from. She gets the info.

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

Pam goes this physician who is still giving abortions, and asks him to join their legal challenge of the SB 8 bounty hunter law.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam anonymously receives information on who’s on the bounty hunters hit list on the Texas ‘Operation Life List’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction.

INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

Pam’s parents are embarrassed seeing Pam on television organizing funding for any physicians who challenge this law in court. They are furious and disillusioned.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – EVENING

She gives the license number to one of her henchmen of a person who brought a civil lawsuit of 10k against someone involved in helping an abortion. She dispatches her men throughout the state to stalk and attack.

Mid-Point:

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING

Veronica learns she is eight weeks pregnant. The Gynecologist gives her the same pamphlet as Karen received, along with a business card with Pam’s name and number on it.

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – MORNING

Pam’s Brother Edward enters for the monthly family brunch but only sees the Karras’s. The parents are missing from this longstanding family tradition they have.

INT. WELLE’S ENTRY WAY – DAY

Pam shows up with flowers for her parents. They give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

EXT. KARRAS GARDEN – DAY

The only remedy when feeling down is gardening. She half-heartedly and intermittently digs a hole for a pot of flowers. She brushes off her parent’s ultimatum, wipes her eyes and continues digging.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE- MORNING

She asks Ellie for her help with making a website for the ‘Right to Choose’ movement. She is very happy to have this avenue open to women and children for communication.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – DAY

Her website crashes and her phone starts ringing off the hook as the need for help is high amongst children, welfare families and women who resent their forced babies. Many of the women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children on 267.00 a month that the state gives them.

EXT. KARRAS GARDEN – DAY

Pam and Chloe discuss funds they’re trying to find to help people that have reached out to them, but the need is greater than they can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in the state need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now growing exponentially.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – EVENING

She dispatches three henchmen to harass, and create auto and home property damage for the three bounty hunters on her list who started a civil lawsuit right of action for the 10,000.

EXT. MONTAGE – SAME

We’ll see the three attacks. One will go wrong and someone is killed.

INT. VERONICA’S KITCHEN – DAY

Veronica calls the number on the card.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – SAME

Pam’s volunteer Assistant DELORES SCHMIDT, tells Veronica of the one to two month back log. She will set the appointment immediately.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – SAME

Delores picks up the phone after her call with Veronica and makes the appointment for her.

INT. KARRAS DEN – NEXT MORNING

Pam sees a news clip of this group and is happy initially that other people are involved but the news clip then reveals that someone killed one of these deputized citizen’s turned bounty hunter.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATIONS BRIEFING ROOM – MORNING

The Police Chief commands an all hands on deck directive to find this group, excluding Pam because she could be one of the suspects since she is publicly for the same cause. Some of her fellow officers shun her.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Using the state-wide database on the sly, Pam tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

A man slips into Pam’s car while she is in the drivers seat. He has some information for her on the group.

INT. PARKING STRUCTURE – SAME

A bounty hunter gets attacked and beaten up by Steven Hays.

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Being under-funded, slandered and falsely blamed of organizing the hits on citizens, along with being outcast from her family, Pam feels the odds are against her and thinks about quitting.

EXT. MALL – DAY

Veronica notices someone is following her. She flips the guy off calling him a puto. He turns around so she can’t see his face.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam gets a phone call from an evangelical preacher. She writes down an address.

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam meets the evangelical anti-abortionist crusading preacher who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which gives her the faith to continue in this uphill battle.

INT. VERONICA’S CAR – SAME

A car is following Veronica aggressively. She fumbles but finds a card that says ‘Target Practice’ on it. She calls and tells them where she is.

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – SAME

She tells Veronica to stay where she’s at and she’ll dispatch someone to her immediately.

INT. VERONICA’S CAR – SAME

Veronica waits for the guys who are going to help her get rid of the man who is following her. They arrive within minutes.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY

The Governors wife had an abortion in her younger years.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING

Elias and Eliana give her moments of encouragement before she goes on air for the debate.

INT. SAME – LATER

One candidate finishes his speech, Pam is introduced and she starts her concerns.

INT. A BOUNTY HUNTER’S HOME – NIGHT

The couple leaves their house. Steven and his computer wiz friend break in. The friend goes to the computer and starts hacking past the password, while Steven finds a wall safe easily.

EXT. SAME HOME – SAME

The couple approaches their home and sees the front door open, the safe is open and empty. Their place has also been trashed.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – SAME TIME

Steven hands her the valuables and account numbers they got from the home. She is pleased.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – MORNING

Ten days later, Pam’s telephone rings. She is congratulated for winning the primary.

INT. SAME

The phone rings again, Pam has a smile on her face expecting another well-wisher. Her face soon turns to anger. She is threatened to pull out of the race. She slams the phone down resolutely.

INT. SAME

Pam heads to her keyboard and starts typing an Op Ed piece on the devastation of the state and the enablers too willing to keep the status quo.

INT. OPERATION LIFE LIST HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Pam serves the OLL president a court order to search the premises. She confiscates documents listing bounty hunters and their addresses.

LIST – of MONTAGE

Pam starts knocking on doors and checking cars out for any indication of wreckage. She finds none.

INT. THOMAS WELLES CHURCH – MORNING

Thomas sees that a few of his singers and church members are missing. Quizzically, he begins his sermon.

INT. SAME – LATER

While shaking members hands Thomas hears murmurs of ‘draft dodger’. One CHURCH MEMBER tells him of the rumors and let’s him know the church that some of his congregation are now going to instead.

EXT. BOUNTY HUNTER HOME – DAY

Steven hot-wires a decked out car. A dog barks at him ferociously. Steven gives him dog treats. He pets the dog and drives off as the owners charges out of his house shouting. The dog sits silently.

INT. KARRAS LIVING ROOM – EVENING

Pam’s Mother Patricia visits. Her purpose is to blame Pam for the ‘trouble’ she is causing her Father. Pam is clueless about the incident. Patricia leaves abruptly.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT, PAM’S DESK – DAY

Pam gets an anonymous call from the passenger of the monster truck.

INT. ELIZABETH’S DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

She is counting lots of money. They’ll have funding for a year. She now lives in a better home, but nothing takes her sorrow away. She feels her Daughter with her when Steven is around.

INT. MONSTER TRUCK DRIVER – NIGHT

Pam is told by the redneck driver that she can’t do anything. There’s no way she can prove he caused the girl’s death. He tells her his lawsuits bought him a dandy truck. He warns her that she better back off.

INT. CELL PHONE – SAME

Driving home from her confrontation with the redneck, she gets a call on her cell phone.

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Her husband has dinner ready for her. This is one respite moment for Pam.

INT. VERONICA HOME – SAME

She is called with the date and time for her abortion.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – BEFORE DAWN

The phone rings, it is the emergency room, a nurse tells Pam that Chloe has been beaten up and is unconscious, she is being notified as Chloe’s emergency contact.

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT

Seeing Chloe black and blue, swollen, and in a cast, Pam swears revenge for her.

EXT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT

Pam grabs the redneck’s collar and bangs his head on her knee. She uses a stun gun on him and curses him for hurting her friend. He screams about how he doesn’t know anything, she eventually is convinced.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam’s file for the dead girl is missing from her desk. She finds a small piece of paper that has Chloe’s name, address, and a time on it, on Detective Salts desk. She runs out of the office.

EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING – DAY

As she is running towards her car she see Detective Salt with one of his friends. After roughing him up she finds out the contract came from the Governor’s office.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – SAME

Pam marches into the Chief’s office ignoring his meeting and tells him what happened. She wants to formally charge Detective Salt and wants to start an investigation into the Governor’s office of who requested the attack on Chloe.

EXT. KARRAS MAILBOX – MORNING

Pam starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Pam receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of her Father’s military record which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned to pull out of the race.

Crisis:

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam confides her challenge with the Preacher that she is torn between wanting to help her parents or helping to create a better life for her Daughter, and fighting for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EARLY EVENING

Pam is very glad to see Ashley Lee again, this time there are other people within hearing distance.

INT. ELIZABETH HOME OFFICE – EVENING

Five new bounty hunters to hit. She saves a special one for Steven.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING

Debate night. Pam annihilates the Governor with current statistics. The state has dire financial needs but the Governor only cares about controlling women under the falsehood of saving heartbeats, which is in direct opposition to his and his conservative legislatures pro death penalty law.

INT. DELORES CAR – DAY

Delores takes Veronica to the pick up location, as they drive they are followed by bounty hunters.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING

The Governor falsely accuses Pam publicly as being a part of the vigilante group who are attacking the bounty hunters. Pam huffs and turns the television off.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – SAME

Pam reads the headline that another woman was found dead from an attempted self-abortion, which makes 112 now this year. Pam asks “at what point do the heartbeats of these women matter and the full lives they are living?” Her husband asks about the abortion pill.

EXT. MEETING LOCATION – SAME

They meet the pick up driver and the three other girls in the car going for the same purpose. A bounty hunter follows them for miles and then turns back.

INT. REDNECK’S HOME – MORNING

Steven goes after the redneck with a vengeance knowing that he is the guy who caused Karen’s death.

EXT. REDNECK’S FRONT YARD – SAME

Steven sets his red truck on fire, and then attempts to set the Redneck on fire. The cops arrest him.

INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING

The congregation thins out even more. Protesters chant ‘draft dodger and baby killer’ outside. A fire inspector tells Thomas he has been shut down for fire safety violations, and shouts to the congregation that everyone must leave.

EXT. KARRAS HOME – DAY

Pam and Eliana drive off in their car and are followed by the Operation Life List people.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – DAY

Pam’s husband’s state government contract was cancelled and he and his crew were locked out.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She goes out the door.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – DAY

Pam confronts Elizabeth, Elizabeth blames Pam and her department for not carrying out justice for her Daughter. She gentle handcuffing Elizabeth after their exchange.

INT. KARRAS DEN – NIGHT

The newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on the Governor’s watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite.

EXT. REDNECK’S HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON

Pam arrests the redneck.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam and her family arrive at the big ballroom. They are shown to the waiting room.

INT. WELLE’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Pam’s votes are far below the Governor’s in the race. Thomas feels he must support his Daughter he and Patricia leave to be with her.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam is nervous. Ashley Lee enters with her make-up kit. Pam picks up the phone and walks out the door.

INT. RITZY HOTEL BALLROOM – NIGHT

She threatens the Governor that she’ll use the information about his wife if his people don’t back off. Stop the threats and harassment of her and her family members or else.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Without a pass Pam’s family try to enter the convention center where the celebration will be taking place, but is blocked by security detail, Patricia calls her Granddaughter.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter tells her Mother she’s going to run down to get the Grandparents and Uncle. Pam is surprised and pleased.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter brings out three security badges for the Grandparents.

Climax:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

Thomas lets Pam know how much they support her no matter their differing beliefs.

Resolution:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam is now in the lead. They are very excited but also know the votes can turn again. Chloe and John are introduced, they beam at each other and are a little flirty.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

The final results come in. Thomas and Patricia are awoken out of their sleep when everyone begins cheering. Pam, and her husband and Daughter rush out to the Ballroom. The family follows.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam wins the election with a large number of the voters. In Pam’s acceptance speech she vows that her first line of business when she takes office is to obliterate the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law.

INT. THOMAS’S CHURCH – MORNING

The Gospel choir is singing an upbeat song with the two singers who stuck with Thomas smiling at him. Thomas smiling back at them nods, and then looks out at his full congregation again.

EXT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING

The Governor’s Daughter exits a care clinic
looking forlorn. The bounty hunters are
waiting to start following her

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Outline Version 1 – Day 17

CONCEPT: TIMELY:

Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, or anyone trying to help them. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by this five year-old system.

PLOT CHOICE:

#16. Sacrifice – Belonging to a very conservative family, a forensic investigator fights the system that created the bounty hunting abortion ban having witnessed first hand the devastation this horrific unconstitutional law has created. She is afraid she will lose her family ties with this fight.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE:

Dramatic Triangle

Lead Characters:

Pamela Karras is a Forensic Investigation Officer who eventually runs for Governor to stop the destruction the SB8 law has created.

Chloe Carter is a Social Worker who is Pam’s best friend, they battle through the devastation inflicted from the SB8 law and forge a new alliance with concerned organizations.

Governor Chad Babbitt wants to keep his seat of power at all costs, even if that means hurting people to do it.

Dramatic Question: Can Pam win the Governorship and overturn the SB8 law? Will her family disown her if she does?

MAIN CONFLICT: Pam decides that the only way she can help the women and children of the state is to run for the Governorship to abolish the SB8 law.

DILEMMA: Having a very conservative pro-life family, Pam runs the risk of being disowned by them.

Theme: Don’t tread on me. America is not a dictatorship…yet.

PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:

Pam has been raised family-first and follows every law obediently. She realizes she must go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice. Someone must reverse the Heartbeat law before it damages any more people. Reluctantly, Pam puts her hat in the ring for the Governorship. She is afraid her conservative family will disown her. Eventually she decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, even if unlawful.

STRUCTURE:

OPENING SCENE: A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

INCITING INCIDENT: Right to Life members follow the teen too close on the windy rural road which accidentally causes her to flip her car, killing her.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Pam decides the only way to fight this attack on women is from the top.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Pam teams up with women from all over the state to organize a plan to take on the Governorship.

Mid-Point: Pam’s family starts to shun her. She’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Pam feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father who will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.

Crisis: Pam is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for all women’s freedom of choice.

Climax: Pam finds out about a secret the Governor and his wife share. Pam’s Father tries to reach her.

Resolution: Pam wins the election and tells the voters
that she will abolish the ‘heartbeat’ bill.
Her family accepts that she has a different point of view. The Governor’s Daughter goes to a
reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers lie in wait.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Pass 10: Essence Only – Day 16

What I learned is things can become crazy and confusing if your scenes are too long in the outline, it hampers and makes it more difficult to make changes and additions.

LOGLINE: One woman sees the devastation the Heartbeat law SB8 created years prior, and will not be silenced or controlled with the attack on a woman’s constitutional rights.

DRAMATIC QUESTION’s: Can Pam win the Governorship and overturn the SB8 law? Will her family disown her?

MAIN CONFLICT: Pam must find a way to change the SB8 law, she decides that the only way she can help the women of the state is to run for the Governorship to abolish it.

DILEMMA: Having a very conservative pro-life family, Pam runs the risk of being disowned by them.

Theme: Don’t tread on me. America is not a dictatorship…yet.

OPENING SCENE:

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

KAREN BAILEY, a young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared. She faints.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY

Karen exits the clinic and is scared by the bounty hunters waiting for them.

EXT. SAME

It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.

INT. CAR – SAME

Karen is shaken and scared of the truck following her. She punches on the gas.

EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The two rednecks continue to follow

EXT. SAME

More scared than ever and going too fast, she goes off the highway. Her car flips continually, Karen dies.

EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY

The rednecks had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flipping. They know they were the cause.

INT. THE MONSTER TRUCK – DAY

Against the passenger’s wishes, the driver leaves the scene of the accident.

EXT. SAME – LATER
Pam arrives on the scene and investigates it with another Officer in her unit. She finds a lead.

EXT. BAILEY HOME – LATE AFTERNOON

Pam informs Karen’s Mother, ELIZABETH BAILEY and Elizabeth’s boyfriend, CHARLES WRIGHT, of Karen’s fatal accident. Elizabeth falls into Charles’ arms crying.

INT. CLINIC – MORNING
Pam’s new investigation gets stopped by the HIPAA act. She finds out about the bounty hunters who hang out there.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Lack of funds leave many victims high and dry. The state is overburdened because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunters law’s ban on abortion.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Pam’s asks her Social Worker friend Chloe for advice on different avenues to get around this and get info asap, as an upsurge on hit and runs.

INCITING INCIDENT:

INT. VERONICA BERNAL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

In the throws of passion with her sex partner CARLOS RIOS, Veronica stops abruptly and asks him to put a condom on. She naively believes him when he says he sterile.

INT. PAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Pam does research for the lack of funding. She finds masses of poverty stricken women and children, new orphanages, increased foster care staffing and foster home payments, welfare spiraling out of control. She finds articles of abuse, molestation, neglect of unloved, unwanted children. She looks into the death penalty.

INT. LIBRARY – NEXT DAY

Pam asks the reference desk for updated stats on the state’s government budgets, surpluses, deficits and sources of the information.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
Pam’s parents tell her to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who becomes pregnant and must carry this burden. Pam’s Mother acquiesces with his point of view. This way of thinking is unacceptable to Pam.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Pam asks her friend in MIS to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She also needs the Operation Life List (OLL) database to find the harmful bounty hunters.

INT. PAM’S DESK – SAME

She gets back and the Police Chief says the court order is not in yet, backlogged.

INT. ELIZABETH’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Pam checks in with Elizabeth with no good news for her. She makes promises she might not be able to keep. Pam leaves and Elizabeth opens a bottle of Vodka chugging it as fast as she can.

INT. PAM’S CAR – DAY
Pam checks out the orphanages. Row after row of shoddy buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker per thirty children. Older children are working.

INT. ORPHANAGE ROW BUNKHOUSE – SAME

She gets a childcare worker to talk to her. The worker tells her they are all loved and cared for which sounds like she’s said this a thousand times before, unemotional as a script the workers have to say.

INT. MESS HALL – DAY

She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

EXT. PARK – DAY

Pam shares with her friend that she feels her hands are tied, that she can’t give proper justice to many women and the unloved, unwanted children. Chloe tells her she has some people she wants her to meet.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Pam meets Chloe’s group. A Physician is going to challenge the law with his upcoming abortion civil lawsuit. They’ve got a meeting Monday with the Governor. Can Pam meet them there?

INT. ELIZABETH LIVING ROOM – DAY

Distraught and miserable Elizabeth tells Charles that she can’t keep on like this. He suggests a support group.

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY

When pressed with questions the Governor excuses the group off as silly women and has his secretary escort them out.

INT. OUTSIDE THE GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – SAME

The group knows the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the guise and pretense of being concerned of all ‘Heartbeats’, so how could he be pro-death penalty?

INT. SUPPORT GROUP – DAY

Elizabeth learns about the bounty hunters. She introduces herself to the group talking how her Daughter Karen died seven weeks ago. She shares that she numbs herself with booze and pills.

INT. KARRAS HOME – ENTRY WAY – LATE AFTERNOON

Chloe says they want to start a campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming up in the next few months. Pam is very reluctant to do this as the Governorship was not in her family’s plan.

INT. VERONICA’S KITCHEN – SAME

Veronica finds out she’s pregnant and is surprised Carlos does not want to help. She calls her doctor.

INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT – SAME

Elizabeth tries to tell the police she got information that it’s the bounty hunters who killed her Daughter. She is ignored. Her eyes have steely determination as she exits.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – EVENING

Pam realizes she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. Deepening budget cuts and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, Pam’s Daughter Eliana asks if she’ll try to challenge the way things are?

INT. ELIZABETH HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

She starts a website with STEVEN HAYS, Karen’s boyfriend. They call it “Target Practice”. They instantly see traffic on their site. Her face softens and she smiles for the first time in weeks.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – MORNING

Chloe and Pam discuss who should be contacted next to create the plan; (unions, organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers from all over the state), after she talks with her family.

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Pam discusses with her family why she wants to run for office. Her husband reminds her that the Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him because they’re actually an overall minority in the state.

INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

Pam’s very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked at the news, they tell Pam she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an sinful and amoral cause.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – DAY

Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help. One call is a lead on a physician who the caller just got an abortion from. She gets the info.

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

Pam goes this physician who is still giving abortions, and asks him to join their legal challenge of the SB 8 bounty hunter law.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam anonymously receives information on who’s on the bounty hunters hit list on the Texas ‘Operation Life List’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction.

INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

Pam’s parents are embarrassed seeing Pam on television organizing funding for any physicians who challenge this law in court. They are furious and disillusioned.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – EVENING

She gives the license number to one of her henchmen of a person who brought a civil lawsuit of 10k against someone involved in helping an abortion. She dispatches her men throughout the state to stalk and attack.

Mid-Point:

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING

Veronica learns she is eight weeks pregnant. The Gynecologist gives her the same pamphlet as Karen received, along with a business card with Pam’s name and number on it.

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – MORNING

Pam’s Brother Edward enters for the monthly family brunch but only sees the Karras’s. The parents are missing from this longstanding family tradition they have.

INT. WELLE’S ENTRY WAY – DAY

Pam shows up with flowers for her parents. They give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

EXT. KARRAS GARDEN – DAY

The only remedy when feeling down is gardening. She half heartedly and intermittently digs a hole for a pot of flowers. She brushes off her parent’s ultimatum, wipes her eyes and continues digging.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE- MORNING

She asks Ellie for her help with making a website for the ‘Right to Choose’ movement. She is very happy to have this avenue open to women and children for communication.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – DAY

Her website crashes and her phone starts ringing off the hook as the need for help is high amongst children, welfare families and women who resent their forced babies. Many of the women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children on 267.00 a month that the state gives them.

EXT. KARRAS GARDEN – DAY

Pam and Chloe discuss funds they’re trying to find to help people that have reached out to them, but the need is greater than they can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in the state need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now growing exponentially.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – EVENING

She dispatches three henchmen to harass, and create auto and home property damage for the three bounty hunters on her list who started a civil lawsuit right of action for the 10,000. .

EXT. MONTAGE – SAME

We’ll see the three attacks. One will go wrong and someone is killed.

INT. VERONICA’S KITCHEN – DAY

Veronica calls the number on the card.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – SAME

Pam’s volunteer Assistant DELORES SCHMIDT, tells Veronica of the one to two month back log. She will set the appointment immediately.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – SAME

Delores picks up the phone after her call with Veronica and makes the appointment for her.

INT. KARRAS DEN – NEXT MORNING

Pam sees a news clip of this group and is happy initially that other people are involved but the news clip then reveals that someone killed one of these deputized citizen’s turned bounty hunter.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATIONS BRIEFING ROOM – MORNING

The Police Chief commands an all hands on deck directive to find this group, excluding Pam because she could be one of the suspects since she is publicly for the same cause. Some of her fellow officers shun her.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Using the state-wide database on the sly, Pam tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

A man slips into Pam’s car while she is in the drivers seat. He has some information for her on the group.

INT. PARKING STRUCTURE – SAME

A bounty hunter gets attacked and beaten up by Steven Hays.

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Being under-funded, slandered and falsely blamed of organizing the hits on citizens, along with being outcast from her family, Pam feels the odds are against her and thinks about quitting.

EXT. MALL – DAY

Veronica notices someone is following her. She flips the guy off calling him a puto. He turns around so she can’t see his face.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam gets a phone call from an evangelical preacher. She writes down an address.

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam meets the evangelical anti-abortionist crusading preacher who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which gives her the faith to continue in this uphill battle.

INT. VERONICA’S CAR – SAME

A car is following Veronica aggressively. She fumbles but finds a card that says ‘Target Practice’ on it. She calls and tells them where she is.

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – SAME

She tells Veronica to stay where she’s at and she’ll dispatch someone to her immediately.

INT. VERONICA’S CAR – SAME

Veronica waits for the guys who are going to help her get rid of the man who is following her. They arrive within minutes.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY

The Governors wife had an abortion in her younger years.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING

Elias and Eliana give her moments of encouragement before she goes on air for the debate.

INT. SAME – LATER

One candidate finishes his speech, Pam is introduced and she starts her concerns.

INT. A BOUNTY HUNTER’S HOME – NIGHT

The couple leaves their house. Steven and his computer wiz friend break in. The friend goes to the computer and starts hacking past the password, while Steven finds a wall safe easily.

EXT. SAME HOME – SAME

The couple approaches their home and sees the front door open, the safe is open and empty. Their place has also been trashed.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME OFFICE – SAME TIME

Steven hands her the valuables and account numbers they got from the home. She is pleased.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – MORNING

Ten days later, Pam’s telephone rings. She is congratulated for winning the primary.

INT. SAME

The phone rings again, Pam has a smile on her face expecting another well-wisher. Her face soon turns to anger. She is threatened to pull out of the race. She slams the phone down resolutely.

INT. SAME

Pam heads to her keyboard and starts typing an Op Ed piece on the devastation of the state and the enablers too willing to keep the status quo.

INT. OPERATION LIFE LIST HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Pam serves the OLL president a court order to search the premises. She confiscates documents listing bounty hunters and their addresses.

LIST – of MONTAGE

Pam starts knocking on doors and checking cars out for any indication of wreckage. She finds none.

INT. THOMAS WELLES CHURCH – MORNING

Thomas sees that a few of his singers and church members are missing. Quizzically, he begins his sermon.

INT. SAME – LATER

While shaking members hands Thomas hears murmurs of ‘draft dodger’. One CHURCH MEMBER tells him of the rumors and let’s him know the church that some of his congregation are now going to instead.

EXT. BOUNTY HUNTER HOME – DAY

Steven hot-wires a decked out car. A dog barks at him ferociously. Steven gives him dog treats. He pets the dog and drives off as the owners charges out of his house shouting. The dog sits silently.

INT. KARRAS LIVING ROOM – EVENING

Pam’s Mother Patricia visits. Her purpose is to blame Pam for the ‘trouble’ she is causing her Father. Pam is clueless about the incident. Patricia leaves abruptly.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT, PAM’S DESK – DAY

Pam gets an anonymous call from the passenger of the monster truck.

INT. ELIZABETH’S DINING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON

She is counting lots of money. They’ll have funding for a year. She now lives in a better home, but nothing takes her sorrow away. She feels her Daughter with her when Steven is around.

INT. MONSTER TRUCK DRIVER – NIGHT

Pam is told by the redneck driver that she can’t do anything. There’s no way she can prove he caused the girl’s death. He tells her his lawsuits bought him a dandy truck. He warns her that she better back off.

INT. CELL PHONE – SAME

Driving home from her confrontation with the redneck, she gets a call on her cell phone.

INT. KARRAS DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Her husband has dinner ready for her. This is one respite moment for Pam.

INT. VERONICA HOME – SAME

She is called with the date and time for her abortion.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – BEFORE DAWN

The phone rings, it is the emergency room, a nurse tells Pam that Chloe has been beaten up and is unconscious, she is being notified as Chloe’s emergency contact.

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT

Seeing Chloe black and blue, swollen, and in a cast, Pam swears revenge for her.

EXT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT

Pam grabs the redneck’s collar and bangs his head on her knee. She uses a stun gun on him and curses him for hurting her friend. He screams about how he doesn’t know anything, she eventually is convinced.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam’s file for the dead girl is missing from her desk. She finds a small piece of paper that has Chloe’s name, address, and a time on it, on Detective Salts desk. She runs out of the office.

EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING – DAY

As she is running towards her car she see Detective Salt with one of his friends. After roughing him up she finds out the contract came from the Governor’s office.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – SAME

Pam marches into the Chief’s office ignoring his meeting and tells him what happened. She wants to formally charge Detective Salt and wants to start an investigation into the Governor’s office of who requested the attack on Chloe.

EXT. KARRAS MAILBOX – MORNING

Pam starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Pam receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of her Father’s military record which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned to pull out of the race.

Crisis:

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam confides her challenge with the Preacher that she is torn between wanting to help her parents or helping to create a better life for her Daughter, and fighting for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EARLY EVENING

Pam is very glad to see Ashley Lee again, this time there are other people within hearing distance.

INT. ELIZABETH HOME OFFICE – EVENING

Five new bounty hunters to hit. She saves a special one for Steven.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING

Debate night. Pam annihilates the Governor with current statistics. The state has dire financial needs but the Governor only cares about controlling women under the falsehood of saving heartbeats, which is in direct opposition to his and his conservative legislatures pro death penalty law.

INT. DELORES CAR – DAY

Delores takes Veronica to the pick up location, as they drive they are followed by bounty hunters.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – NEXT MORNING

The Governor falsely accuses Pam publicly as being a part of the vigilante group who are attacking the bounty hunters. Pam huffs and turns the television off.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – SAME

Pam reads the headline that another woman was found dead from an attempted self-abortion, which makes 112 now this year. Pam asks “at what point do the heartbeats of these women matter and the full lives they are living?” Her husband asks about the abortion pill.

EXT. MEETING LOCATION – SAME

They meet the pick up driver and the three other girls in the car going for the same purpose. A bounty hunter follows them for miles and then turns back.

INT. REDNECK’S HOME – MORNING

Steven goes after the redneck with a vengeance knowing that he is the guy who caused Karen’s death.

EXT. REDNECK’S FRONT YARD – SAME

Steven sets his red truck on fire, and then attempts to set the Redneck on fire. The cops arrest him.

INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING

The congregation thins out even more. Protesters chant ‘draft dodger and baby killer’ outside. A fire inspector tells Thomas he has been shut down for fire safety violations, and shouts to the congregation that everyone must leave.

EXT. KARRAS HOME – DAY

Pam and Eliana drive off in their car and are followed by the Operation Life List people.

INT. KARRAS KITCHEN – DAY

Pam’s husband’s state government contract was cancelled and he and his crew were locked out.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She goes out the door.

INT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – DAY

Pam confronts Elizabeth, Elizabeth blames Pam and her department for not carrying out justice for her Daughter. She’s gentle handcuffing Elizabeth after their exchange.

INT. KARRAS DEN – NIGHT

The newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on the Governor’s watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite.

EXT. REDNECK’S HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON

Pam arrests the redneck.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam and her family arrive at the big ballroom. They are shown to the waiting room.

INT. WELLE’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Pam’s votes are far below the Governor’s in the race. Thomas feels he must support his Daughter he and Patricia leave to be with her.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam is nervous. Ashley Lee enters with her make-up kit. Pam picks up the phone and walks out the door.

INT. RITZY HOTEL BALLROOM – NIGHT

She threatens the Governor that she’ll use the information about his wife if his people don’t back off. Stop the threats and harassment of her and her family members or else.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Without a pass Pam’s family try to enter the convention center where the celebration will be taking place, but is blocked by security detail, Patricia calls her Granddaughter.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter tells her Mother she’s going to run down to get the Grandparents and Uncle. Pam is surprised and pleased.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter brings out three security badges for the Grandparents.

Climax:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

Thomas lets Pam know how much they support her no matter their differing beliefs.

Resolution:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam is now in the lead. They are very excited but also know the votes can turn again. Chloe and John are introduced, they beam at each other and are a little flirty.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

The final results come in. Thomas and Patricia are awoken out of their sleep when everyone begins cheering. Pam, and her husband and Daughter rush out to the Ballroom. The family follows.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam wins the election with a large number of the voters. In Pam’s acceptance speech she vows that her first line of business when she takes office is to obliterate the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law.

INT. THOMAS’S CHURCH – MORNING

The Gospel choir is singing an upbeat song with the two singers who stuck with Thomas smiling at him. Thomas smiling back at them nods and then looks out at his full congregation again.

EXT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING

The Governor’s Daughter exits a care clinic looking forlorn. The bounty hunters are waiting to start following her.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Pass #6: Subplots with Meaning – Day 12

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is by first simply writing the essence of beginning, middle and end, then expounding on that and fleshing it out can create an interesting subplot.

Subplot #1:

The dead girl’s Mother starts a group hunting the Bounty Hunters

B: Daughter dies in a hit and run accident

M: Getting no justice and no relief from her sorrow she takes action in a negative way.

E: She gets arrested for accomplice to murder but still vows to continue using the hunters until she get justice for her Daughter’s murder.

Subplot #2:

The Governor and his Daughter

B: The Daughter is in love with her boyfriend. Her parents tell her she is a whore and it is a sin to have premarital sex. They ignore the realities of how people live their own lives.

M: The Daughter digs in her heels, she and her parents become estranged

E: The Daughter ends up pregnant and the boyfriend has moved out of state for college. Heartbroken, the Daughter wants to get an abortion.

Subplot #3:

A young woman seeks an abortion

B: In the moment of passion, with absence of minds, leads a young woman into pregnancy

M: The guy takes not responsibility for the pregnancy, a baby is not in her plan either but she now has the burden

E: She and other young women are successful shaking off the Bounty Hunters and are able to get their abortions in another state.

I like them all. I need to ask the necessary questions for all the subplots. The Governor/Daughter scenario needs to be changed a bit. Pam is involved in the other two subplots to an extent.

Rewrite the beats of that subplot to add in the new emotion or meaning:

Subplot #1:

The dead girl’s Mother starts a group hunting the Bounty Hunters

B: Elizabeth’s Daughter dies in a hit and run accident

The indications are that the bounty hunters did it, it’s what Elizabeth has heard through the grapevine in her investigations. She also gets confirmation of this notion from other grieving Mothers who have gone through the same thing as she, when she attends her grief counseling meetings. .

Elizabeth is taking pills and drinking to numb the heartbreak

She is angry at the world as there has not been any justice for her Daughter, not by the backlogged police working with minimal funds from state budget cuts

Elizabeth is in the police department almost daily trying to get someone of power who’ll listen to her, that it is likely the bounty hunters that did this. She feels invisible and ignored, shut down.

Getting no justice and no relief from her sorrow Elizabeth takes action in a negative way.

M: Her boyfriend tells her to do something about it. So she starts a ‘Hunt the bounty hunters’ group.

She instantly gets many new members for her cause.

She unapologetically instructs members to stalk and attack any person who brings a civil lawsuit (for 10k) against a person involved in an abortion.

She helms the headquarters and dispatches her members throughout the state

E: Pam gets information that it is the dead girl’s Mother, Elizabeth that is running the operation, and Pam regretfully has to arrest her.

Being led out of her house in handcuffs Elizabeth screams that this will never end until we get the justice we deserve. She vows to continue using the hunters until she gets justice for her Daughter’s murder.

Subplot #2:

The Governor and his Daughter

B: The Governor’s wife Sheila is worried as Madison has not come home until early morning dawn each of the last three nights. Sheila wants Chad, the Governor, to speak to her and find out the problem. Chad blows his top when Madison naively tells them that she and her boyfriend are in love and no one can stop them from being together. He tells her she is a whore and it is a sin to have premarital sex. And she better not embarrass them publicly, or she can move out. The parents ignore the realities of how people live their own lives.

M: The Daughter digs in her heels, she and her parents become estranged and Madison moves out.

E: A few months later Madison ends up at their front door pregnant, the boyfriend has already moved on to another girl. Heartbroken, the Daughter wants to get an abortion.

She ends up going to the clinic where the first girl was stalked by the bounty hunters.

As she exits, she has a pamphlet in her hands.

Subplot #3:

A young woman seeks an abortion

B: In the throws of passion Maria has enough discipline to stop momentarily. She asks her sex mate to use a condom, he tells her to not worry, she won’t get pregnant, she hesitates. He swears to her that there is nothing to worry about because he draws blanks, she tells him that she is not on birth control and he reiterates that he is sterile. She is young and naive and conveniently believes him, as both their sexual emotions and desires have already kicked into overdrive.

M: Six weeks later Maria is concerned and calls her intimate partner and tells him that she hasn’t had her period yet. She is holding a pregnancy test box in her hands. She expresses that she needs to see a doctor (beat) “what? you don’t have any money to help?” “You were there in the room too, not just me, what’s your responsibility in this?” she pleads. “Hello? Hello?”

The guy takes no responsibility for the pregnancy, a baby is not in Maria’s plan either but she now has the burden, not him.

Maria hangs up scared and starts crying, rocking back and forth like a child would.

The Gynecologist gives her a pamphlet (the same one as in the opening scene), only now she adds a business card to it that says “Right to Choose” organization, with Pam’s name on it.

At home, the girl calls the number on the card “Hello, I’m pregnant, can you help me?”

She is assured that they’ll start the process but the clinics in the neighboring states are overwhelmed seeing hundreds of women from this state with the anti-abortion law. She can make an appointment for her but won’t be seen for three months.

E: Pam’s volunteer assistant makes arrangements for Maria to get a ride to the neighboring state to get her abortion. She tells her how Pam and her organization helped her the same way, and now she wants to help back by volunteering.

Pam introduces Maria to the driver at the pick up location, there are three other women in the car going for the same purpose.

They are chased about fifty miles before the bounty hunter turns back.

She and the other young women are successful shaking off the bounty hunters and are able to get their abortions in the neighboring state.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Pass #5: Action / Reaction – Day 11

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that things are more clearer and connected when we make a visual list of Protag vs. Antag actions. We can see where we need to develop them more.

CONCEPT: TIMELY:

Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, future leadership roles and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by the system.

PROTAGONIST GOAL:

Pam Karras’ goal is to end the SB 8 Heartbeat law which will give back to every woman their right to choose and regain their constitutional civil right as all citizens of America has.

PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:

Pam has been raised family-first and follow every law obediently. She realizes she must go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice. She’s encouraged to run for the Governor’s seat in the next election and she’s not comfortable with it, but someone must reverse the Heartbeat law before it damages any more people, so reluctantly she puts her hat in the ring. She is afraid her conservative family will disown her. In time she decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, even if unlawful.

MAIN CONFLICT:

Is between Pam and the Governor. Pam is the lead investigator of a hit and run and has to deal with deep budget cuts which have been redirected to state programs for new Mothers and their state dictated newborn babies below the poverty line. The deepening deficit of the state with newly created orphanages and institutions with an already overburdened budget brings Pam to the conclusion that the only way she can help women is to regain their constitutional rights that were stripped away with the new ban on abortion, the SB 8 law, by running for the Governorship.

Action/Reaction Events:

Protagonist: Antagonist:

The group meets with the Governor He laughs them off as ‘silly women’

Pam decides to run for office

Televised challenge to the law

Builds website in opposition Gov has his IT staff shut down her ISP (for ‘safety’ reasons)

Act 2

Pam uses the internal P.D. database The tracking Gov put on her reports her activity to I. A.

End Act 2

She wins the primary debate First threat to pull out of race

In response she writes an Op Ed piece

The court order to OLL comes through

Knocks on B. Hunter doors for H/R evidence

Goes to house of the Driver Second threat

Chloe is attacked

Thomas, Pam’s father, is slandered with his congregation

Pam requests investigation of the Gov Third threat

Crisis – Act 3

Debate against the Gov himself Gov slanders her on the exit interview

Father’s church is shut down from the Fire Inspector

Pam’s husband’s state contract is cancelled

Pam calls Govs bluff

Resolution

Pam wins the Governorship

EMOTIONAL MOMENTS FOR PROTAG:

Angry at the rights taken away from all women of the state

Angry by the hypocrisy that no male has to worry about the pregnancies, just the females

Sadness for the unloved babies forced to be born, knowing what will follow in most of those forced term children’s lives, of course there will be happy exceptions for some of them, but not enough of them

Insecurity and lack of confidence for delving into unknown waters running for a state position

She is hesitant and unsure about taking this huge position on as she is a working Mother and never had a career interest in public service

Distraught at times for the trouble the Governor keeps causing her and her family especially, as she doesn’t understand the underhandedness and the dirty fight of politics

Moments of joy when she realizes she can now change the law to give all women back their civil rights for freedom of choice in the state

OPENING SCENE:

A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

Eyelids open to see blurry champagne bottles popping and mostly men cheering as a newscaster on television says “This scene four years ago has brought about many changes since the Supreme court upheld the SB 8 Heartbeat law to ban abortion, the vigils”.

The eyelids start closing again into black, a loud pulse is heard, as well as a loud heartbeat sound. The heartbeat grows louder in the darkness. A Nurse is heard asking “Are you alright?” as she puts a packet of smelling salts under a young teen girl’s nose. The girl wakes up. “Welcome back” said the Nurse. The girl looks terrified like a deer in headlights. The Nurse says “Here are some pamphlets, please read these so you know what you can do. The young girl’s eyes shut again.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY

The same teenage girl exits the clinic mandated by the state, she sees people watching her. It frightens her. At first she has a slow pace to her step, with each step her pace becomes faster. She fumbles for her keys. She is shaking, but doesn’t take her eyes off these people, in a nonchalant way. She presses her key fob as she reaches her car, quickly gets in and starts the engine.

EXT. SAME

It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.

INT. CAR – SAME

The girl is shaken as she exits the parking lot and a monster truck with a confederate flag speeds to get behind her, and follows her close behind practically on her bumper. She punches on the gas.

EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The two Operation Life List, redneck bounty hunter members in the monster truck continue to follow the young girl closely on the road.

EXT. SAME

The young girl is in a rural part of the state where windy roads are the normal terrain. She constantly looks back in the rear view mirror in terror as the monster truck stays close. She can hear them whooping and hollering at her. Now, more scared than ever and going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and goes off the highway. The girl’s car flips over and over, it eventually stops and the girl’s arm flaps out of the window, still and bloody.

EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY

The rednecks had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flipping. They know they were the ones who accidentally caused her to flip her car, killing her.

INT. THE MONSTER TRUCK – DAY

“Let’s get outta here, aint’ gonna take no wrap for no bitch”. The passenger has a little bit of a conscience and looks at the driver with astonishment, wanting to stop and help her. The driver punches the gas, leaving the accident.

EXT. SAME – LATER
Pam arrives on the scene and gets the rundown from DETECTIVE SALT. After looking through the car Pam gets the registration from the glove box and finds the bloodied reproductive pamphlet and instantly surmises what happened as she’s seen this before.

INT. CLINIC – MORNING
Pam goes to the clinic and questions anyone who had seen the young girl there, or if they saw anything. The RECEPTIONIST gets the NURSE who was present. The Nurse is saddened by the news but tells her that with the HIPAA regulations she has to get a court order for any further information. The Receptionist tells her about the bounty hunters who hang out there and follow women as they leave. Pam thanks them.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam finds out by the POLICE CHIEF, the lack of funds to find priority, and thereby justice, for a lot of the victims when it comes to pregnant women, as the state is financially overburdened because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunters law’s ban on abortion.

INT. KARRAS HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Pam’s asks her Social Worker friend Chloe for advice on different avenues to get around this and get info asap, as an upsurge on hit and runs.

INCITING INCIDENT:

INT. PAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Doing research Pam’s goal is to find the root cause of the lack of funding. She finds masses of poverty stricken people, mostly women and children, when women were stripped of their constitutional right to have control over their bodies. She finds the state is almost bankrupt because of the many orphanages, increased foster care staffing and increased foster home payments, welfare spiraling out of control. She finds articles of abuse, molestation, neglect of unloved children, to miniscule adoption rates compared to the amount of mandated baby births. She investigates how many criminals are on death row, as they have heartbeats too, so why is there a false equation? Could it be about control over women instead of a legitimate reason? She tries to find answers. She realizes this is an attack on all women and something must be done about it. She’s in tears.

INT. LIBRARY – NEXT DAY

Pam asks the reference desk for updated stats on the state’s government budgets, surpluses, deficits and sources of the information.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY
Pam shares this information with her Parents THOMAS WELLES and PATRICIA WELLES and Brother EDWARD WELLES, her findings. Her Father tells her to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who becomes pregnant and must carry this burden. Pam’s Mother acquiesces with his point of view. This way of thinking is unacceptable to Pam. Her Parents are upset.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Pam asks her friend JAMES COLE in MIS, to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She is told she has to speak to the TDFPS for foster information. She also needs the Operation Life List (OLL) database to find the harmful bounty hunters.

INT. PAM’S DESK – SAME

She gets back and the Police Chief says the court order not in yet, backlogged.

INT. YOUNG GIRL’S HOME – DAY
Feeling like her hands are tied with her department’s budget cuts, Pam has no good news for the dead girl’s Mother. She makes promises she might not be able to keep.

INT. PAM’S CAR – DAY
Pam peruses the pile of papers glancing at the orphanage in disbelief. She is shocked to see row after row of shoddy orphanage buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker for thirty children. Older children are working. Each row of barracks repeats the same picture. She exits the car.

INT. ORPHANAGE ROW BUNKHOUSE – SAME

She gets a childcare worker to talk to her. The worker tells her they are all loved and cared for which sounds like she’s said this a thousand times before, unemotional as a script the workers have to say. Pam looks at the forlorn children, some with sadness on their faces.

INT. MESS HALL – DAY

She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

EXT. PARK – DAY

Talking to Chloe, Pam shares that she feels her hands are so tied that she can’t give proper justice for the many women who are dying either by hit and runs, domestic abuse or by back alley abortions and for these unwanted, unloved children. Chloe tells her she has some people she wants her to meet.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Chloe’s group is comprised of two social workers, one physician, and one reproductive rights attorney. They talk stats and the physician is going to challenge the law with his upcoming abortion civil lawsuit. Female Constitutional rights that have been taken away. They’ve got a meeting Monday set by a State Assembly member with the Governor. Can Pam meet them there?

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY

The attorney and the representatives from the reproductive rights group asks him for answers on how he is going to fix the fiscal and societal disaster he has created. He shuts them down as silly women and has his secretary escort them out.

INT. OUTSIDE THE GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – SAME

The group knows by his actions that the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the guise and pretense of being concerned of all ‘Heartbeats’, and doesn’t want to work with any of the concerned groups. If he truly cared about heartbeats how could he be pro-death penalty for one, and also not care to work with these concerned groups?

INT. KARRAS HOME – ENTRY WAY – LATE AFTERNOON

Chloe persuades Pam that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They can start a campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming up in the next few months. Pam is very reluctant to do this as she states that the Governorship was not in her family’s plan and she needs time to think about this.

INT. KARRAS HOME – EVENING

Sitting on the couch petting LILY the family cat, Pam shares with her Daughter ELIANA KARRAS, of the devastation all around for women, children and the state close to bankruptcy, Pam realizes during this

discussion that she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. With deep budget cuts in many state funded programs and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, along with the deepening deficit. Eliana asks her if she’ll try to challenge the way things are?

INT. KARRAS HOME – MORNING

Pam reaches out to Chloe and tells her she is seriously thinking about running against the Governor to abolish the SB 8 Heartbeat law that has so blatantly stripped women of their constitutional right, but must first talk to her family about it. Chloe and Pam discuss who should be contacted next to create the plan; (unions, organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers from all over the state).

INT. KARRAS HOME – NIGHT

Pam calls a family meeting and discusses with her husband ELIAS KARRAS, and on why she wants to run. Stats are here. Her husband reminds her that the Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him because they’re actually an overall minority in the state. Unfortunately, it is a minority that is being catered to. Pam has their blessing to run.

INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

Eliana innocently asks her Grandparents if they heard the good news? Her very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked, they tell Pam she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an sinful and amoral cause.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:

INT. KARRAS HOME – DAY

Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help. One call is a lead on a physician who the caller just got an abortion from. She gets the info.

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

Pam goes this physician who is still giving abortions, and asks him to join their legal challenge of the SB 8 bounty hunter law.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam anonymously receives information on who’s on the bounty hunters hit list on the Texas ‘Operation Life List’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction.

INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

Pam’s parents are embarrassed seeing her on television announcing how their new group (In retort to Operation Life List) she calls it Right to Choose, will organize funding for any physicians who challenges this law in court. The physician stands next to her and his attorney takes over the sound byte. Her Mom is furious and her Dad is disillusioned.

Mid-Point:

INT. KARRAS HOME – MORNING

Edward enters for the monthly family brunch only sees the Karras’s.

INT. WELLE’S HOME – DAY

Pam shows up with flowers, her Mother dismisses them and her, but keeps the door open and walks into the living room, Pam follows. They give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

EXT. KARRAS GARDEN – DAY

Digging a hole for a pot of flowers sitting next to her, she stops. Contemplating she stares straight, her dog SIR comes up and licks her face, she kisses him back, she bends to a fetal position with her head in her hands. She brushes it off, wipes her eyes and continues digging.

INT. KARRAS HOME – MORNING

She asks Eliana for her help with making a website for the ‘Right to Choose’ movement. She tells her that she wants to hear from women being harassed, stalked, sued and wants to hear from any child who has been abused or neglected at home, in Foster care or while in these state ran Orphanages. She is very happy to have this avenue open to them for communication.

INT. KARRAS HOME – DAY

The next day Pam is trying to access her website and wonders why nothing is there. She has Eliana help her, she finds out that it crashed and her phone starts ringing off the hook. She feels overwhelmed by the amount of children who feel unloved and neglected and women who resent their forced babies. On 267.00 per month that the state gives them in TANF (Texas stats) most low income women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children.

EXT. GARDEN – DAY

While watering her plants, Pam and Chloe discuss the funds they try to find to help the people that have reached out on their website but the need is greater than she can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in the state need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now growing exponentially.

EXT. MONTAGE

Meanwhile, a secret group is targeting with harassment, and auto and home property damage, any citizen who starts the private civil right of action for the 10,000.

INT. KARRAS HOME – EVENING

Pam sees a news clip of this group and is happy initially that other people are involved but the news clip continues to reveal that someone killed one of these deputized citizen’s turned bounty hunter.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATIONS BRIEFING ROOM – MORNING

The Police Chief commands an all hands on deck directive to find this group, excluding Pam because she could be one of the suspects since she is publicly for the same cause. Some of her fellow officers shun her.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Using the state-wide database on the sly, Pam tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

A man slips into Pam’s car while she is in the drivers seat. He has some information for her on the group.

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

INT. KARRAS HOME – NIGHT

Talking to Elias about being under-funded, slandered and falsely blamed of organizing the hits on citizens that have brought lawsuits against women who have had an abortion, along with being outcast from her family, Pam feels the odds are against her and thinks about quitting.

Build on

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam gets a phone call from an evangelical preacher. She writes down an address.

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam meets the evangelical anti-abortionist crusading preacher who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which gives her the faith to continue in this uphill battle.

Re-read and quote from his article

INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY

The station’s make-up artist ASHLEY LEE remarks how her sister’s friend’s boyfriend had a Dad who said that the Governors wife had an abortion in her younger years.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING

Elias and Eliana give her moments of encouragement before she goes on air. Pam squeezes their hands three times. They squeeze back once.

INT. SAME – LATER

One candidate finishes his speech, Pam is introduced and she starts her concerns.

INT. KARRAS HOME – MORNING

Ten days later, Pam’s telephone rings. She is congratulated for winning the primary.

INT. SAME

The phone rings again, Pam has a smile on her face expecting another well-wisher. Her face soon turns to anger. She is threatened to pull out of the race. She slams the phone down resolutely.

INT. SAME

Pam heads to her keyboard and starts typing an Op Ed piece on the devastation of the state and the enablers too willing to keep the status quo.

INT. OPERATION LIFE LIST HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Pam serves the OLL president a court order to search the premises. She confiscates documents listing bounty hunters and their addresses.

LIST – of MONTAGE

Pam starts knocking on doors and checking cars out for any indication of wreckage. She finds none.

INT. THOMAS WELLES CHURCH – MORNING

The church is big. Twelve choir members are singing. Thomas sees that a few of his singers are missing, then he looks out among his congregation and sees that a quarter of his congregation is also missing. Quizzically, he begins his sermon.

INT. SAME – LATER

Inside the exit door, while shaking members hands he hears murmurs of ‘draft dodger’. One CHURCH MEMBER tells him of the rumors and let’s him know the church that some of his congregation are now going to instead.

INT. KARRAS HOME – EVENING

Pam’s Mother visits. Her purpose is to blame her for the ‘trouble’ she is causing her Father. She is clueless about the incident. Patricia leaves abruptly.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT, PAM’S DESK – DAY

Pam gets an anonymous call from the passenger of the monster truck.

INT. MONSTER TRUCK DRIVER – NIGHT

Pam is told by the redneck driver that she can’t do anything. There’s no way she can prove he caused the girl’s death. She grabs him as he laughs. He taunts her by telling her his bounty hunter lawsuits bought him a dandy truck. He warns her that she better back off.

INT. CELL PHONE – SAME

Driving home from her confrontation with the redneck, she gets a call on her cell phone.

INT. KARRAS HOME – NIGHT

Her husband has a candlelight dinner ready for her at the dining table. He kisses her, and they have a long intimate hug. Her daughter walks out of the kitchen with their first course salads. This is one respite moment for Pam.

INT. KARRAS HOME – BEFORE DAWN

The phone rings, it is the emergency room, a nurse tells Pam that Chloe has been beaten up and is unconscious, she is being notified as Chloe’s emergency contact.

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT

Seeing Chloe black and blue, swollen, and in a cast, Pam swears revenge for her.

EXT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT

Pam knocks on the door and the redneck opens it up, laughing again. She grabs his collar and bangs his head on her knee. She uses a stun gun on him and curses him for hurting her friend. He screams how he doesn’t know anything about it, she eventually is convinced, and walks away. She warns him that if he says anything about this she’ll become his worst nightmare and she’ll stalk him until his dying days, like he does with pregnant women.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam’s file for the dead girl is missing from her desk. She goes to the second team’s desk of the investigation, Detective Salt, to see if they were using it. She finds a small piece of paper that has Chloe’s name, address, and a time on it. She feels gut punched. She grabs her stun gun and runs out of the office.

EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING – DAY

As she is running towards her car she see Detective Salt with one of his friends. She warns the onlooker to back off and kicks Salt in the groin, doubled over she forces him to tell her who contracted him to rough Chloe up. It came from the Governor’s office.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – SAME

Pam marches into the Chief’s office ignoring his meeting and tells him what happened. She wants to formally charge Detective Salt and wants to start an investigation into the Governor’s office of who requested the attack on Chloe.

EXT. KARRAS MAILBOX – MORNING

Pam starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Pam receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of her Father’s military record which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned if she doesn’t pull out of the race and stop causing trouble, her Dad will be exposed more publicly than just the rumors that are circulating with his congregation, and more over her Mother’s position on the city council, could be affected.

Crisis:

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam confides her challenge with the Preacher that she is torn between wanting to help her parents or helping to create a better life for her Daughter, all the unwanted children in the state, and fighting for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight for all women of the nation. He shares his experience.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY

Pam is very glad to see Ashley Lee again, this time there are other people within hearing distance.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY

It is the televised debate with the current Governor. She annihilates him with statistics on those who favor abortion, the plight of mostly poor women who is held to this law (not affluent pregnant white women who could easily finance a trip to another state for an abortion), the heartbreaking realities of unwanted and unloved children, and the 50 death penalties executed in the state since 2015. Also, how broken the state has become financially with hundreds of thousands of more mouths to feed, housing, healthcare, joblessness, etc. The state is in dire financial needs but the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the falsehood of saving heartbeats, which is in direct opposition to his and his conservative legislatures pro death penalty law.

INT. KARRAS HOME – NEXT MORNING

The Governor falsely accuses Pam publicly as being a part of the vigilante group who are attacking the bounty hunters. Pam huffs and turns the television off.

INT. KARRAS HOME – SAME

Pam opens the paper to the headline that another woman was found dead from an attempted self-abortion, which makes 112 now this year in their county alone. Pam asks the question to her husband at what point do the heartbeats of these women matter and the full lives they are living? their relationships and loved ones, their cares, their dreams, their goals, their careers or jobs, their friends and interactions, their memories, only embryo heartbeats matter? Not the actual human woman? The husband asks about the abortion pill and Pam tells him how very hard it is to get for most women especially low income women, some of whom don’t even have access to the internet.

INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING

There are only five singers left in his choir. Thomas looking again at his congregation; there are only fifteen people in attendance in the church pews this time, one being his previous supporter. Thomas has a tear in his eye. Protesters are chanting outside against him as a draft dodger and baby killer. Trying to drown them out inside he starts a speech about unconditional love and support for family in the face of adversity. A man comes up to the pulpit with irreverence and flashes his state fire inspector’s badge telling him that he has been shut down for fire safety violations, and shouts to the congregation that everyone must leave.

EXT. KARRAS HOME – DAY

Pam and Eliana drive off in their car and are followed by the Operation Life List people.

INT. KARRAS HOME – DAY

They get back with groceries and Pam asks her husband why he’s home instead of at the building site, he informs her that the state government contract was cancelled and he and his crew were locked out.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She goes out the door.

INT. DEAD GIRL’S MOTHER’S HOME – DAY

Pam confronts the Mother and the Mother blames her and her department for not carrying out justice for her Daughter.

INT. KARRAS HOME – NIGHT

The newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on the Governor’s watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam and her family arrive and look around in awe of the decorated and reverent appeal of the big room. They are told the waiting room is next to the hall off the ballroom.

INT. WELLE’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Watching the voting results and seeing his Daughter is way down in the votes and exit polling facts, Pam’s Father feels he must support and be there for his Daughter. He tries desperately to get a hold of her on her cell phone, but Pam’s aide is handling the phone calls and keeps putting him on hold. He gets frustrated, tells his wife and Son they must leave immediately and they leave with the television is still on.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam is nervous. Ashley Lee enters with her make-up kit. Pam is very happy to see her.

Pam picks up her cell phone Pam exits the room.

INT. RITZY HOTEL BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam with a possible bluff, calls the Governor and let’s him have it. She threatens to use the information about his wife if his people don’t back off and stop the threats and harassment of everyone involved with Pam. She states: Along with the death penalty, either you believe in pro-life, a heartbeat or you don’t, that doesn’t change by circumstance.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Without a pass Pam’s family try to enter the convention center where the celebration will be taking place, but is blocked by security detail, Pam’s Mom calls her Granddaughter.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter tells her Mother she’s going to run down to get the Grandparents and Uncle. Pam is surprised and pleased.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter brings three security badges out and shows them to security who wave the Grandparents in.

Climax:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

Thomas lets Pam know that he is fine with being exposed as a draft dodger and he supports her no matter what she does, whatever her decision is as an individual, that she is always loved and is not excommunicated or banished from their lives. Patricia is still mad but forgiving.

Resolution:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

The close circuit television that is in the waiting room shows that Pam is in the lead. She gets more votes as the night goes on. They are very excited but also know the votes can turn again. Chloe and John are introduced, they beam at each other and are a little flirty.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

2 hours later with the Grandparents napping in their chairs the final results come in. Thomas and Patricia are awoken out of their sleep when everyone begins cheering. Pam, and her husband and Daughter rush out to the Ballroom. The family follows.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam wins the election by a landslide with the voters. In Pam’s acceptance speech she vows that her first line of business when she takes office is to obliterate the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law.

INT. THOMAS’S CHURCH – MORNING

Gospel chorus is singing an upbeat song with the two singers who stuck with him smile as they look at Pastor Thomas. Thomas smiling back nods and looks out at his full congregation again.

EXT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING

The Governor’s Daughter exits a care clinic looking forlorn. As she opens her car door she looks around and sees many cars with people standing outside of them. All is silent. As soon as she leaves the parking lot, many of those same cars start their engines and start the stalking process.

[Jodi Harrison]

PS 80 – Jodi’s NQ 3 and 4 (pass 4)

“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how to flesh out my theme by adding both sides of the theme to the outline. Also, expanding upon the dilemma helps create more drama and emotion for it.

Concept: TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, future leadership roles and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by the system.

Tell us your Emotional Dilemma and the answers to these questions:

Can Pam win the Governorship and overturn the TX law SB8? Will her family disown her?

How does the Emotional Dilemma first show up?

Her parents are livid and embarrassed by Pam when she speaks out against the Governor publicly on the destruction the ban on abortion has caused, and she is asked to run against him for his office seat.

How are both sides of the issue built up?

Pam’s parents tell her she is a traitor and abortion is a sin. The state is in dire financial needs but the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the falsehood of an anti-abortion ‘Heartbeat’ law, which is in direct opposition to his and his conservative legislatures pro death penalty law.

When does the protagonist make the choice?
Pam makes the choice shortly after they are insultingly excused from the Governor’s office and realize he doesn’t want to work with any of the fiscally and socially concerned groups.

What do they lose in making that choice?
Pam might lose her parents and brother who already don’t believe in her cause and are giving her ultimatums

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Theme and the answers to these questions:

The need to control others out of fear of becoming irrelevant. and also the theme: Don’t tread on me.

What are both sides of your theme?

Side 1: You can’t tell women what they can do with their bodies. It is in the Constitution.

Side 2: If you make it a law, you can control what women do with their bodies, regardless of their rights under the Constitution.

How will both sides show up throughout your story?

No woman has legal control over their own bodies after the SB8 law is enacted, but an evangelical anti-abortion priest changes his view to pro-abortion after witnessing the destruction the law creates. Some physicians are not scared of the law and want to be challenged in court when giving a woman an abortion. Hundreds of women daily flee to other states to have their abortions. Unfortunately, the low-income women can’t and are left raising a child on the welfare of the state. Pam’s family is very conservative and do not believe in abortion. Deputized citizens make 10,000. per lawsuit filed.

How does the climax of the story demand your message?

Pam wins by a landslide proving that most people in the state want a woman to have control over their own body. The law was enacted for the conservative few, who kept the Governor in office.

OPENING SCENE:

A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

Eyelids open to see blurry champagne bottles popping and mostly men cheering as a newscaster on television says “This scene four years ago has brought about many changes since the Supreme court upheld the SB 8 Heartbeat law to ban abortion, the vigils”.

The eyelids start closing again into black, a loud pulse is heard, as well as a loud heartbeat sound. The heartbeat grows louder in the darkness. A Nurse is heard asking “Are you alright?” as she puts a packet of smelling salts under a young teen girl’s nose. The girl wakes up. “Welcome back” said the Nurse. The girl looks terrified like a deer in headlights. The Nurse says “Here are some pamphlets, please read these so you know what you can do. The young girl’s eyes shut again.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY

The same teenage girl exits the clinic mandated by the state, she sees people watching her. It frightens her. At first she has a slow pace to her step, with each step her pace becomes faster. She fumbles for her keys. She is shaking, but doesn’t take her eyes off these people, in a nonchalant way. She presses her key fob as she reaches her car, quickly gets in and starts the engine.

EXT. SAME

It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.

INT. CAR – SAME

The girl is shaken as she exits the parking lot and a monster truck with a confederate flag speeds to get behind her, and follows her close behind practically on her bumper. She punches on the gas.

EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The two Right to Life redneck bounty hunter members in the monster truck continue to follow the young girl closely on the road.

EXT. SAME

The young girl is in a rural part of the state where windy roads are the normal terrain. She constantly looks back in the rear view mirror in terror as the monster truck stays close. She can hear them whooping and hollering at her. Now, more scared than ever and going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and goes off the highway. The girl’s car flips over and over, it eventually stops and the girl’s arm flaps out of the window, still and bloody.

EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY

The rednecks had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flipping. They know they were the ones who accidentally caused her to flip her car, killing her.

INT. THE MONSTER TRUCK – DAY

“Let’s get outta here, aint’ gonna take no wrap for no bitch”. The passenger has a little bit of a conscience and looks at the driver with astonishment, wanting to stop and help her. The driver punches the gas, leaving the accident.

EXT. SAME – EVENING
Pam arrives on the scene. After looking through the car she finds the bloodied reproductive pamphlet and instantly surmises what happened as she’s seen this before.

INT. CLINIC – DAY
Pam goes to the clinic and questions anyone who had seen the young girl there. She hits dead ends because of HIPAA.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam finds out the lack of funds to find justice and priority for the victim when it comes to pregnant women as the state is so financially overburdened is because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunters law’s ban on abortion.

INT. WELLS HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Pam reaches out to her Social Worker friend Chloe for advice on different avenues to get around this, and she is told the same thing.

INCITING INCIDENT:

INT. PAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Doing research Pam’s goal is to find the root cause of the devastation. She finds masses of poverty stricken people, mostly women and children, when women were stripped of their constitutional right to have control over their own body. She finds that the state is almost bankrupt because of the many orphanages, increased foster care staffing and increased foster home payments, welfare spiraling out of control, from abused, molested, neglected, and unloved children, to miniscule adoption rates compared to the amount of mandated baby births. She investigates how many criminals are on death row, as they have heartbeats too, so why is there a false equation? Could it be about control over women instead of a legitimate reason? She tries to find answers. She realizes this is an attack on all women and must do something about it.

INT. LIBRARY – NEXT DAY

Wanting to dive deeper into information that was limited at home, Pam asks the reference desk for updated stats on the state’s government budgets, surpluses, deficits and sources of the information.

INT. PAM’S PARENTS HOME – DAY
Seething Pam shares with her parents her findings. Her Father tells her to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who becomes pregnant and must carry this burden. Pam’s Mother acquiesces with his point of view. This way of thinking is unacceptable to Pam.

INT. SHERIFFS OFFICE — DAY
Pam asks her friend in MIS to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She is told she has to speak to the TDFPS for foster information. She also needs the Right to Life database to find the harmful bounty hunters.

INT. YOUNG GIRL’S HOME – DAY
Feeling like her hands are tied with her department’s budget cuts, Pam has no good news for the dead girl’s Mother. She makes promises she might not be able to keep.

EXT. ORPHANAGE ROW – DAY
Pam is shocked to see row after row of shoddy orphanage buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker for thirty children. Older children are working. Each row of barracks repeats the same picture. She is in tears.

INT. MESS HALL – DAY

She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

EXT. PARK – DAY

Talking to Chloe, Pam shares that she feels her hands are so tied that she can’t give proper justice for the many women who are dying either by hit and runs, domestic abuse or by back alley abortions and for these unwanted, unloved children. Chloe tells her she has some people she wants her to meet.

INT. STATE ASSEMBLY OFFICE – DAY

Chloe and her social worker group requests a meeting with the Governor by a State Assembly member.

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Pam and the representatives from reproductive rights groups ask him for answers on how he is going to fix the fiscal and societal disaster he has created. He shuts them down as silly women and has his secretary escort them out.

INT. OUTSIDE THE GOV’S OFFICE – SAME

The group knows by his actions that the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the guise and pretense of being concerned of all ‘Heartbeats’, and doesn’t want to work with any of the concerned groups. If he truly cared about heartbeats how could he be pro-death penalty for one, and also not care to work with these concerned groups?

INT. WELLES HOME – ENTRY WAY – LATE AFTERNOON

Disgusted, Chloe persuades Pam that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They can start their campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming up in the next few months. Pam is very reluctant to do this as she states that the Governorship was not in her family’s plan and she needs time to think about this.

INT. WELLES HOME – EVENING

Sitting on the couch petting the family cat, she’s talking to her Daughter, she speaks of the devastation all around for women, children and the state close to bankruptcy, Pam realizes during this discussion that she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. With deep budget cuts in many state funded programs and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, along with the deepening deficit. Her Daughter asks her if she’ll try to challenge the status quo?

INT. WELLE HOME – MORNING

Pam reaches out to Chloe and tells her she is seriously thinking about running against the Governor to abolish the SB 8 Heartbeat law that has so blatantly stripped women of their constitutional right, but must first talk to her family about it. Chloe and Pam discuss who should be contacted next to create the plan; (unions, organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers from all over the state). Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The debate is coming up soon so they need to enter asap.

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

Pam calls a family meeting and discusses with her husband and with her daughter’s support, on why she wants to run. Stats are here. Her husband reminds her that the Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him in the Governorship because the conservatives are actually an overall minority in the state. Unfortunately, it is a minority that is being catered to. Pam has their blessing to run.

INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY

Pam’s Daughter innocently asks her Grandparents if they heard the good news? Her very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked, they tell Pam she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an sinful and amoral cause.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY

Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help.

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

Pam reaches out to a physician who is still giving abortions and they organize with pro-choice organizations to challenge the bounty hunter law.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam anonymously receives information on who’s on the bounty hunters hit list on the Texas ‘Right to Life’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction.

INT. PARENTS HOME – DAY

Pam’s parents are embarrassed seeing her on television announcing how their new group (In retort to Right to Life) she calls it Right to Choose, will organize funding for any physicians who challenges this law in court. The physician stands next to her and his attorney takes over the sound byte. Her Mom is furious and her Dad is disillusioned.

Mid-Point:

INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY

Pam’s family starts to shun her. Her Mother and Father give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

EXT. LAKE – DAY

Pam is sad skipping rocks across the water. She sits down and stares straight, her dog comes up and licks her face, she kisses him back, then she puts her head down between her legs. She is contemplating.

INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING

She tells her Daughter her reservations but has decided to continue her mission. She asks for her Daughter’s help making a website for the ‘Right to Choose’ movement. She tells her Daughter that she wants to hear of women being harassed, stalked, sued and wants to hear from any child who has been abused or neglected at home, in Foster care or while in these state ran Orphanages. She is very happy to have this avenue open to them for communication.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY

The next day Pam is trying to access her website and wonders why nothing is there. She has her Daughter help her, she finds out that it crashed and her phone starts ringing off the hook. She feels overwhelmed by the amount of children who feel unloved and neglected and women who resent their forced babies. On 267.00 per month that the state gives them in TANF (Texas stats) most low income women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children.

EXT. PARK – DAY

Pam and Chloe discuss the funds they try to find to help the people that have reached out on their website but the need is greater than she can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in the state need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now growing exponentially.

EXT. MONTAGE

Meanwhile, a secret group is targeting with harassment, and auto and home property damage, any citizen who starts the private civil right of action for the 10,000.

INT. WELLES HOME – EVENING

Pam sees a news clip of this group and is happy initially that other people are involved but the news clip continues to reveal that someone killed one of these deputized citizen’s turned bounty hunter.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATIONS BRIEFING ROOM – MORNING

The Sheriff commands an all hands on deck directive to find this group, excluding Pam because she could be one of the suspects since she is publicly for the same cause. Some of her fellow officers shun her.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Using the state-wide database Pam tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

A man slips into Pam’s car while she is in the drivers seat. He has some information for her on the group.

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

Under-funded, slandered and falsely blamed of organizing the hits on citizens that have brought lawsuits against women who have had an abortion, along with being outcast from her family, Pam feels the odds are against her and thinks about quitting.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam gets a phone call from an evangelical preacher. She writes down an address.

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam meets the evangelical anti-abortionist crusading preacher who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which gives her the faith to continue in this uphill battle.

INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING

The church is big. Pam’s Father looks out among his congregation and sees that a quarter of his congregation is missing. Visibly shaken he begins his sermon.

INT. SAME – LATER

While he is shaking hands he hears murmurs of ‘draft dodger’. One lady who is shaking his hand tells him of what is happening behind his back and let’s him know the church that some are now going to instead.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY

It is the late afternoon of the debate, while Pam is getting ready her Mother visits. Her purpose is to blame Pam for the ‘trouble’ she is causing her Father. Pam is clueless about the incident. She leaves abruptly.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING

Pam shakes off her earlier confrontation with her Mother and breathes deep before walking on stage. She can fake composure very well.

INT. SAME – LATER

One candidate is finishing his speech, Pam is introduced and starts her concerns.

INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING

Ten days later, Pam’s telephone rings. She is congratulated for winning the primary.

INT. SAME

Pam has a smile on her face expecting another well-wisher. Her face soon turns to anger. She is threatened to pull out of the race.

INT. SAME

Pam writes an Op Ed piece on the devastation of the state and the enablers too willing to keep the status quo.

INT. RIGHT TO LIFE HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Pam serves the RTL president a court order to search the premises. She confiscates documents listing bounty hunters and their addresses.

MONTAGE

Pam starts knocking on doors and checking cars out for any indication of wreckage. She finds none.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT, PAM’S DESK – DAY

Pam gets an anonymous call from the passenger of the monster truck.

INT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT

Pam is told by the redneck driver that she can’t do anything. There’s no way she can prove he caused the girl’s death. She grabs him as he laughs. He taunts her by telling her his bounty hunter lawsuits bought him a dandy truck. He warns her that she better back off.

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

The phone rings, it is the emergency room, a nurse tells Pam that Chloe has been beaten up and is unconscious, she is being notified as Chloe’s emergency contact.

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT

Seeing Chloe black and blue, swollen, and in a cast, Pam swears revenge for her.

EXT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT

Pam knocks on the door and the redneck opens it up, laughing again. She grabs his collar and bangs his head on her knee. She uses a stun gun on him and curses him for hurting her friend. He screams how he doesn’t know anything about it, she eventually is convinced, and walks away. She warns him that if he says anything about this she’ll become his worst nightmare and she’ll stalk him until his dying days, like he does with pregnant women.

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

Her husband has a candlelight dinner ready for her at the dining table. He kisses her, and they have a long intimate hug. Her daughter walks out of the kitchen with their first course salads. This is one respite moment for Pam.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam’s file for the dead girl is missing from her desk. She goes to the second team’s desk of the investigation, Detective Salt, to see if they were using it. She finds a small piece of paper that has Chloe’s name, address, and a time on it. She feels gut punched. She grabs her stun gun and runs out of the office.

EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING – DAY

As she is running towards her car she see Detective Salt with one of his friends. She warns the onlooker to back off and kicks Salt in the groin, doubled over she forces him to tell her who contracted him to rough Chloe up. It came from the Governor’s office.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – SAME

Pam marches into the Captain’s office ignoring his meeting and tells him what happened. She wants to formally charge Detective Salt and wants to start an investigation into the Governor’s office of who requested the attack on Chloe.

EXT. WELLES MAILBOX – MORNING

Pam starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Pam receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of her Father’s military record which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned if she doesn’t pull out of the race and stop causing trouble her Dad will be exposed more publicly than just the rumors that are circulating, hurting his reputation, his congregation and more over her Mother’s position on the city council.

Crisis:

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam confides her challenge with the Preacher that she is torn between wanting to help her parents or helping to create a better life for her Daughter, all the unwanted children in the state, and fighting for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight for all women of the nation. He shares his experience.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY

Pam has a televised debate with the current Governor. She annihilates him with statistics on those who favor abortion, the plight of mostly poor women who is held to this law (not affluent pregnant white women who could easily finance a trip to another state for an abortion), the heartbreaking realities of unwanted and unloved children, and the 50 death penalties executed in the state since 2015. Also, how broken the state has become financially with hundreds of thousands of more mouths to feed, housing, healthcare, joblessness, etc. The state is in dire financial needs but the misogynist Governor only cares about controlling women under the falsehood of an anti-abortion ‘Heartbeat’ law, which is in direct opposition to his and his conservative legislatures pro death penalty law

INT. TELEVISION STATION – NEXT MORNING

The Governor is interviewed by a local conservative talk show, a scheduled fluff piece interview to disparage and destroy Pam as a challenger to his seat. He falsely accuses her publicly as being a part of the vigilante group who are attacking the bounty hunters.

INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING

Pam opens the paper to the headline that another woman was found dead from an attempted self-abortion, which makes 112 now this year in their county alone. Pam asks the question to her husband at what point do the heartbeats of these women matter and the full lives they are living? their relationships and loved ones, their cares, their dreams, their goals, their careers or jobs, their friends and interactions, their memories, only embryo heartbeats matter? Not the actual human woman? The husband asks about the abortion pill and Pam tells him how very hard it is to get for most women especially low income women, some of whom don’t even have access to the internet.

INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING

The Pastor looking again at his congregation; there are only fifteen people in attendance in the church pews this time. Pam’s Father has a tear in his eye. Protesters are chanting outside against him as a draft dodger and baby killer. Trying to drown them out inside he starts a speech about unconditional love and support for family in the face of adversity. A man comes up to the pulpit with irreverence and flashes his state inspection badge telling him that he has been shut down for health violations, and shouts to the congregation that everyone must leave.

EXT. WELLES HOME – DAY

Pam and her Daughter drive off in their car and are followed by the Right to Life people.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY

They get back with groceries and Pam asks her husband why he’s home instead of at the building site, he informs her that the state government contract was cancelled and he was locked out.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She goes out the door.

INT. DEAD GIRL’S MOTHER’S HOME – DAY

Pam confronts the Mother and the Mother blames her and her department for not carrying out justice for her Daughter. This is the way justice will be carried out now.

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

The newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on his watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam and her family arrive and look around in awe of the decorated and reverent appeal of the big room. They are told the waiting room is next to the hall off the ballroom.

INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Watching the voting results and seeing his Daughter is way down in the votes and exit polling facts, Pam’s Father feels he must support and be there for his Daughter. He tries desperately to get a hold of her on her cell phone, but Pam’s aide is handling the phone calls and keeps putting him on hold. He gets frustrated, tells his wife and Son they must leave immediately and they leave with the television is still on.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Without a pass Pam’s family try to enter the convention center where the celebration will be taking place, but is blocked by security detail, Pam’s Mom calls her Granddaughter.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

Pam’s assistant offhandedly remarks how her sister’s friend’s boyfriend had a Dad who said that the Governors wife had an abortion in her younger years. It is enough information for her to pick up her cell phone.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter tells her Mother she’s going to run down to get the Grandparents and Uncle. Pam is surprised and pleased.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter brings three security badges out and shows them to security who wave the Grandparents in.

INT. RITZY HOTEL BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam with a possible bluff, calls the Governor and let’s him have it. She threatens to use the information about his wife if his people don’t back off and stop the threats and harassment of everyone involved with Pam. She states: Along with the death penalty, either you believe in pro-life, a heartbeat or you don’t, that doesn’t change by circumstance.

Climax:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

Pam’s Dad lets her know that he is fine with being exposed as a draft dodger and he supports her no matter what she does, whatever her decision is as an individual, that she is always loved and is not excommunicated or banished from their lives.

Resolution:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

The close circuit television that is in the waiting room shows that Pam is in the lead. She gets more votes as the night goes on. They are very excited but also know the votes can turn again.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

2 hours later with the Grandparents napping in their chairs the final results come in. Everyone begins cheering. Pam, and her husband and Daughter rush out to the Ballroom. The family follows.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam wins the election by a landslide with the voters. In Pam’s acceptance speech she vows that her first line of business when she takes office is to obliterate the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law.

EXT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING

The Governor’s Daughter exits a care clinic looking forlorn. As she opens her car door she looks around and sees many cars with people standing outside of them. All is silent. As soon as she leaves the parking lot, many of those same cars start their engines and start the stalking process.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2

By finding the answers to the Necessary Questions of The Dramatic Question and the Main Conflict it helps to focus on how many situations you can come up with. Spending more time with it than my immediate impulse answers actually helped me create more conflict and the foundation of the Dramatic Questions. I’ve also learned that as I’m building my outline I really need to create a system to track my updates when I add more elements to my outline. I probably failed on the ‘broad strokes’ part as I found it hard not to put in more details. I know this is something I need to improve on.

Concept: TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, future leadership roles and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by the system.

2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:

Can Susan win the Governorship and overturn the TX law SB8? Will her family disown her?

A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?

Pam finds out the lack of funds to find justice and priority for the victim when it comes to pregnant women as the state is financially overburdened because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunter law’s ban on abortion.

And How? Pam’s core group persuade her that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They start their campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming in the next few months. When her parents find out, they feel she is a traitor to run against their conservative Governor for what they believe is an amoral cause.

B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?

Pam researches and finds out the devastation this law has created in the state from orphanages and Foster care systems, from abused, molested, neglected, and unloved children, to adoption rates that are miniscule to the amount of mandated baby births. She investigates how many criminals are on death row. They have heartbeats too, so why is there a false equation? Could it be about control over women instead of a legitimate reason? She tries to find answers. The Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him in the Governorship because the conservatives are an overall minority in this state. Unfortunately, it is a minority that is being catered to.

C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
Resolution: Pam wins the election by a landslide with most voters as they have always been the majority, but have not been listened to, as just the conservative viewpoint is what mattered to the Governor. With great conviction Pam tells the voters that the first line of business when she takes office will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law. Her family has accepted her point of view. The Daughter of the beaten Governor goes to a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.

3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:

Fully aware of the devastation all around for women, children and the state close to bankruptcy, Pam must find a way to change the SB8 Heartbeat law that has blatantly stripped women of their constitutional right. With deep budget cuts in many state funded programs and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, along with the deepening deficit, Pam decides that the only way she can help the women of the state is to run for the Governorship and abolish the law.

A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?

A young girl is accidentally killed in a car crash when the Right to Life Bounty Hunters aggressively chase her.

B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?

It continues to show up with budget cuts which ties Pam’s hands in trying to find the hit and run offender. She hits more road blocks with the HIPAA act so now she can’t get any information to help. When she tries to find the root of the cause of the devastation she finds masses of poverty stricken people, mostly women and children, when women were stripped of their constitutional right to have control over their own body.

Chloe, Pam’s Social Worker friend who is in this new fight with her is also stalked and is beaten up as a warning, but ends up in the emergency room. Pam finds out that two of her co-workers were contracted to do this. Pam tries to find out who contracted them. Eventually she finds it traces back to the Governor.

After Pam and her representatives from many reproductive rights groups have a meeting with the Governor, he shuts them down. She decides to run for the Governorship.

Pam wins the runoff and has a televised debate with the Governor. She annihilates him with statistics.

The Governor schedules a fluff interview in essence to disparage and destroy Pam on broadcast television.

Pam starts receiving threatening phone calls by the Right To Life members. Pam and her Daughter are stalked by them. Her husband’s state government contract is cancelled.

C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
More women are killed by trying to self abort

The Governor proves himself a hypocrite with another scheduled death row execution, this makes 50 heartbeats killed since 2015 on his watch.

Pam’s Father’s church is shut down for health violations after her strong debate with the Governor. It breaks her Father as his congregation meant the world to him.

Pam is warned that if she doesn’t pull out of the race her Father will not only lose his congregation but also his reputation when he is charged as a Vietnam draft dodger in his small conservative community.

How can her Mother be set up?

D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Pam wins the Governorship. She vows to obliterate the SB 8 Heartbeat law. Her family has a change of heart BEFORE she wins. The Governor’s Daughter is stalked by the Right To Life bounty hunters.

OPENING SCENE:

A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

Eyelids open to see blurry champagne bottles popping and mostly men cheering as a newscaster on television says “This scene four years ago has brought about many changes since the Supreme court upheld the SB 8 Heartbeat law to ban abortion, the vigils”.

The eyelids start closing again into black, a loud pulse is heard, as well as a loud heartbeat sound. The heartbeat grows louder in the darkness. A Nurse is heard asking “Are you alright?” as she puts a packet of smelling salts under a young teen girl’s nose. The girl wakes up. “Welcome back” said the Nurse. The girl looks terrified like a deer in headlights. The Nurse says “Here are some pamphlets, please read these so you know what you can do. The young girl’s eyes shut again.

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY

The same teenage girl exits the clinic mandated by the state, she sees people watching her. It frightens her. At first she has a slow pace to her step, with each step her pace becomes faster. She fumbles for her keys. She is shaking, but doesn’t take her eyes off these people, in a nonchalant way. She presses her key fob as she reaches her car, quickly gets in and starts the engine.

EXT. SAME

It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.

INT. CAR – SAME

The girl is shaken as she exits the parking lot and a monster truck with a confederate flag speeds to get behind her, and follows her close behind practically on her bumper. She punches on the gas.

EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
The two Right to Life redneck bounty hunter members in the monster truck continue to follow the young girl closely on the road.

EXT. SAME

The young girl is in a rural part of the state where windy roads are the normal terrain. She constantly looks back in the rear view mirror in terror as the monster truck stays close. She can hear them whooping and hollering at her. Now, more scared than ever and going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and goes off the highway. The girl’s car flips over and over, it eventually stops and the girl’s arm flaps out of the window, still and bloody.

EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY

The rednecks had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flipping. They know they were the ones who accidentally caused her to flip her car, killing her.

INT. THE MONSTER TRUCK – DAY

“Let’s get outta here, aint’ gonna take no wrap for no bitch”. The passenger has a little bit of a conscience and looks at the driver with astonishment, wanting to stop and help her. The driver punches the gas, leaving the accident.

EXT. SAME – EVENING
Pam arrives on the scene. After looking through the car she finds the bloodied reproductive pamphlet and instantly surmises what happened as she’s seen this before.

INT. CLINIC – DAY
Pam goes to the clinic and questions anyone who had seen the young girl there. She hits dead ends because of HIPAA.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam finds out the lack of funds to find justice and priority for the victim when it comes to pregnant women as the state is so financially overburdened is because of the SB8 Heartbeat Bounty Hunters law’s ban on abortion.

INT. WELLS HOME OFFICE – NIGHT

Pam reaches out to her Social Worker friend Chloe for advice on different avenues to get around this, and she is told the same thing.

INCITING INCIDENT:

INT. PAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Doing research Pam’s goal is to find the root cause of the devastation. She finds masses of poverty stricken people, mostly women and children, when women were stripped of their constitutional right to have control over their own body. She finds that the state is almost bankrupt because of the many orphanages, increased foster care staffing and increased foster home payments, welfare spiraling out of control, from abused, molested, neglected, and unloved children, to miniscule adoption rates compared to the amount of mandated baby births. She investigates how many criminals are on death row, as they have heartbeats too, so why is there a false equation? Could it be about control over women instead of a legitimate reason? She tries to find answers. She realizes this is an attack on all women and must do something about it.

INT. LIBRARY – NEXT DAY

Wanting to dive deeper into information that was limited at home, Pam asks the reference desk for updated stats on the state’s government budgets, surpluses, deficits and sources of the information.

INT. PAM’S PARENTS HOME – DAY
Seething Pam shares with her parents her findings. Her Father tells her to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who becomes pregnant and must carry this burden. Pam’s Mother acquiesces with his point of view. This way of thinking is unacceptable to Pam.

INT. SHERIFFS OFFICE — DAY
Pam asks her friend in MIS to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She is told she has to speak to the TDFPS for foster information. She also needs the Right to Life database to find the harmful bounty hunters.

INT. YOUNG GIRL’S HOME – DAY
Feeling like her hands are tied with her department’s budget cuts, Pam has no good news for the dead girl’s Mother. She makes promises she might not be able to keep.

EXT. ORPHANAGE ROW – DAY
Pam is shocked to see row after row of shoddy orphanage buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker for thirty children. Older children are working. Each row of barracks repeats the same picture. She is in tears.

INT. MESS HALL – DAY

She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

EXT. PARK – DAY

Talking to Chloe, Pam shares that she feels her hands are so tied that she can’t give proper justice for the many women who are dying either by hit and runs, domestic abuse or by back alley abortions and for these unwanted, unloved children. Chloe tells her she has some people she wants her to meet.

INT. STATE ASSEMBLY OFFICE – DAY

Chloe and her social worker group requests a meeting with the Governor by a State Assembly member.

INT. GOVERNOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Pam and the representatives from reproductive rights groups ask him for answers on how he is going to fix the fiscal disaster he has created. He shuts them down as silly women and has his secretary escort them out.

INT. OUTSIDE THE GOV’S OFFICE – SAME

Disgusted, Chloe persuades Pam that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They can start their campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming up in the next few months. Pam is very reluctant to do this as she states that the Governorship was not in her family’s plan and she needs time to think about this.

INT. WELLES HOME – EVENING

Sitting on the couch petting the family cat, she’s talking to her Daughter, she speaks of the devastation all around for women, children and the state close to bankruptcy, Pam realizes during this discussion that she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. With deep budget cuts in many state funded programs and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, along with the deepening deficit. Her Daughter asks her if she’ll try to challenge the status quo?

INT. WELLE HOME – MORNING

Pam reaches out to Chloe and tells her she is seriously thinking about running against the Governor to abolish the SB 8 Heartbeat law that has so blatantly stripped women of their constitutional right, but must first talk to her family about it. Chloe and Pam discuss who should be contacted next to create the plan; (unions, organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers from all over the state). Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. The debate is coming up soon so they need to enter asap.

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

Pam calls a family meeting and discusses with her husband and with her daughter’s support, on why she wants to run. Stats are here. Her husband reminds her that the Governor is well established with the conservatives but there is a shot for her to beat him in the Governorship because the conservatives are actually an overall minority in the state. Unfortunately, it is a minority that is being catered to. Pam has their blessing to run.

INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY

Pam’s Daughter innocently asks her Grandparents if they heard the good news? Her very conservative and pro-life parents are shocked, they feel she is a traitor to run against their beloved Governor for what they believe is an amoral cause.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT:

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY

Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help.

INT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – DAY

Pam reaches out to a physician who is still giving abortions and they organize with pro-choice organizations to challenge the bounty hunter law.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam anonymously receives information on who’s on the bounty hunters hit list on the Texas ‘Right to Life’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction.

INT. PARENTS HOME – DAY

Pam’s parents see her on television announcing how their new group (In retort to Right to Life) she calls it Right to Choose, will organize funding for any physicians who challenges this law in court. The physician stands next to her and his attorney takes over the sound byte. Her Mom is furious and her Dad is disillusioned.

Mid-Point:

INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – DAY

Pam’s family starts to shun her. Her Mother and Father give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

EXT. LAKE – DAY

Pam is sad skipping rocks across the water. She sits down and stares straight, her dog comes up and licks her face, she kisses him back, then she puts her head down between her legs. She is contemplating.

INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING

She tells her Daughter her reservations but has decided to continue her mission. She asks for her Daughter’s help making a website for the ‘Right to Choose’ movement. She tells her Daughter that she wants to hear of women being harassed, stalked, sued and wants to hear from any child who has been abused or neglected at home, in Foster care or while in these state ran Orphanages. She is very happy to have this avenue open to them for communication.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY

The next day Pam is trying to access her website and wonders why nothing is there. She has her Daughter help her, she finds out that it crashed and her phone starts ringing off the hook. She feels overwhelmed by the amount of children who feel unloved and neglected and women who resent their forced babies. On 267.00 per month that the state gives them in TANF (Texas stats) most low income women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children.

EXT. PARK – DAY

Pam and Chloe discuss the funds they try to find to help the people that have reached out on their website but the need is greater than she can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in the state need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now growing exponentially.

EXT. MONTAGE

Meanwhile, a secret group is targeting with harassment, and auto and home property damage, any citizen who starts the private civil right of action for the 10,000.

INT. WELLES HOME – EVENING

Pam sees a news clip of this group and is happy initially that other people are involved but the news clip continues to reveal that someone killed one of these deputized citizen’s turned bounty hunter.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATIONS BRIEFING ROOM – MORNING

The Sheriff commands an all hands on deck directive to find this group, excluding Pam because she could be one of the suspects since she is publicly for the same cause. Some of her fellow officers shun her.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Using the state-wide database Pam tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

A man slips into Pam’s car while she is in the drivers seat. He has some information for her on the group.

Second turning point at end of Act 2:

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

Under-funded, slandered and falsely blamed of organizing the hits on citizens that have brought lawsuits against women who have had an abortion, along with being outcast from her family, Pam feels the odds are against her and thinks about quitting.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam gets a phone call from an evangelical preacher. She writes down an address.

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam meets the evangelical anti-abortionist crusading preacher who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which gives her the faith to continue in this uphill battle.

INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING

The church is big. Pam’s Father looks out among his congregation and sees that a quarter of his congregation is missing. Visibly shaken he begins his sermon.

INT. SAME – LATER

While he is shaking hands he hears murmurs of ‘draft dodger’. One lady who is shaking his hand tells him of what is happening behind his back and let’s him know the church that some are now going to instead.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY

It is the late afternoon of the debate, while Pam is getting ready her Mother visits. Her purpose is to blame Pam for the ‘trouble’ she is causing her Father. Pam is clueless about the incident. She leaves abruptly.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – EVENING

Pam shakes off her earlier confrontation with her Mother and breathes deep before walking on stage. She can fake composure very well.

INT. SAME – LATER

One candidate is finishing his speech, Pam is introduced and starts her concerns.

INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING

Ten days later, Pam’s telephone rings. She is congratulated for winning the primary.

INT. SAME

Pam has a smile on her face expecting another well-wisher. Her face soon turns to anger. She is threatened to pull out of the race.

INT. SAME

Pam writes an Op Ed piece on the devastation of the state and the enablers too willing to keep the status quo.

INT. RIGHT TO LIFE HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Pam serves the RTL president a court order to search the premises. She confiscates documents listing bounty hunters and their addresses.

MONTAGE

Pam starts knocking on doors and checking cars out for any indication of wreckage. She finds none.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT, PAM’S DESK – DAY

Pam gets an anonymous call from the passenger of the monster truck.

INT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT

Pam is told by the redneck driver that she can’t do anything. There’s no way she can prove he caused the girl’s death. She grabs him as he laughs. He taunts her by telling her his bounty hunter lawsuits bought him a dandy truck. He warns her that she better back off.

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

The phone rings, it is the emergency room, a nurse tells Pam that Chloe has been beaten up and is unconscious, she is being notified as Chloe’s emergency contact.

INT. EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT

Seeing Chloe black and blue, swollen, and in a cast, Pam swears revenge for her.

EXT. MONSTER TRUCK REDNECK – NIGHT

Pam knocks on the door and the redneck opens it up, laughing again. She grabs his collar and bangs his head on her knee. She uses a stun gun on him and curses him for hurting her friend. He screams how he doesn’t know anything about it, she eventually is convinced, and walks away. She warns him that if he says anything about this she’ll become his worst nightmare and she’ll stalk him until his dying days, like he does with pregnant women.

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

Her husband has a candlelight dinner ready for her at the dining table. He kisses her, and they have a long intimate hug. Her daughter walks out of the kitchen with their first course salads. This is one respite moment for Pam.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam’s file for the dead girl is missing from her desk. She goes to the second team’s desk of the investigation, Detective Salt, to see if they were using it. She finds a small piece of paper that has Chloe’s name, address, and a time on it. She feels gut punched. She grabs her stun gun and runs out of the office.

EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT BUILDING – DAY

As she is running towards her car she see Detective Salt with one of his friends. She warns the onlooker to back off and kicks Salt in the groin, doubled over she forces him to tell her who contracted him to rough Chloe up. It came from the Governor’s office.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – SAME

Pam marches into the Captain’s office ignoring his meeting and tells him what happened. She wants to formally charge Detective Salt and wants to start an investigation into the Governor’s office of who requested the attack on Chloe.

EXT. WELLES MAILBOX – MORNING

Pam starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Pam receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of her Father’s military record which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned if she doesn’t pull out of the race and stop causing trouble her Dad will be exposed more publicly than just the rumors that are circulating, hurting his reputation, his congregation and more over her Mother’s position on the city council.

Crisis:

INT. EVANGELICAL CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

Pam confides her challenge with the Preacher that she is torn between wanting to help her parents or helping to create a better life for her Daughter, all the unwanted children in the state, and fighting for all women’s freedom of choice, she decides to continue in the fight for all women of the nation. He shares his experience.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – DAY

Pam has a televised debate with the current Governor. She annihilates him with statistics on those who favor abortion, the plight of mostly poor women who is held to this law (not affluent pregnant white women who could easily finance a trip to another state for an abortion), the heartbreaking realities of unwanted and unloved children, and the 50 death penalties executed in the state since 2015. Also, how broken the state has become financially with hundreds of thousands of more mouths to feed, housing, healthcare, joblessness, etc.

INT. TELEVISION STATION – NEXT MORNING

The Governor is interviewed by a local conservative talk show, a scheduled fluff piece interview to disparage and destroy Pam as a challenger to his seat. He falsely accuses her publicly as being a part of the vigilante group who are attacking the bounty hunters.

INT. WELLES HOME – MORNING

Pam opens the paper to the headline that another woman was found dead from an attempted self-abortion, which makes 112 now this year in their county alone. Pam asks the question to her husband at what point do the heartbeats of these women matter and the full lives they are living? their relationships and loved ones, their cares, their dreams, their goals, their careers or jobs, their friends and interactions, their memories, only embryo heartbeats matter? Not the actual human woman? The husband asks about the abortion pill and Pam tells him how very hard it is to get for most women especially low income women, some of whom don’t even have access to the internet.

INT. FATHER’S CHURCH – MORNING

The Pastor looking again at his congregation; there are only fifteen people in attendance in the church pews this time. Pam’s Father has a tear in his eye. Protesters are chanting outside against him as a draft dodger and baby killer. Trying to drown them out inside he starts a speech about unconditional love and support for family in the face of adversity. A man comes up to the pulpit with irreverence and flashes his state inspection badge telling him that he has been shut down for health violations, and shouts to the congregation that everyone must leave.

EXT. WELLES HOME – DAY

Pam and her Daughter drive off in their car and are followed by the Right to Life people.

INT. WELLES HOME – DAY

They get back with groceries and Pam asks her husband why he’s home instead of at the building site, he informs her that the state government contract was cancelled and he was locked out.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam finds out who the leader is of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters. She goes out the door.

INT. DEAD GIRL’S MOTHER’S HOME – DAY

Pam confronts the Mother and the Mother blames her and her department for not carrying out justice for her Daughter. This is the way justice will be carried out now.

INT. WELLES HOME – NIGHT

The newscaster relays the execution of another death row inmate, this makes 50 ‘heartbeats’ killed since 2015 on his watch. The Governor proves himself a double-speak hypocrite.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam and her family arrive and look around in awe of the decorated and reverent appeal of the big room. They are told the waiting room is next to the hall off the ballroom.

INT. PARENT’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Watching the voting results and seeing his Daughter is way down in the votes and exit polling facts, Pam’s Father feels he must support and be there for his Daughter. He tries desperately to get a hold of her on her cell phone, but Pam’s aide is handling the phone calls and keeps putting him on hold. He gets frustrated, tells his wife and Son they must leave immediately and they leave with the television is still on.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Without a pass Pam’s family try to enter the convention center where the celebration will be taking place, but is blocked by security detail, Pam’s Mom calls her Granddaughter.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

Pam’s assistant offhandedly remarks how her sister’s friend’s boyfriend had a Dad who said that the Governors wife had an abortion in her younger years. It is enough information for her to pick up her cell phone.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter tells her Mother she’s going to run down to get the Grandparents and Uncle. Pam is surprised and pleased.

EXT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

The Granddaughter brings three security badges out and shows them to security who wave the Grandparents in.

INT. RITZY HOTEL BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam with a possible bluff, calls the Governor and let’s him have it. She threatens to use the information about his wife if his people don’t back off and stop the threats and harassment of everyone involved with Pam. She states: Along with the death penalty, either you believe in pro-life, a heartbeat or you don’t, that doesn’t change by circumstance.

Climax:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

Pam’s Dad lets her know that he is fine with being exposed as a draft dodger and he supports her no matter what she does, whatever her decision is as an individual, that she is always loved and is not excommunicated or banished from their lives.

Resolution:

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

The close circuit television that is in the waiting room shows that Pam is in the lead. She gets more votes as the night goes on. They are very excited but also know the votes can turn again.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER WAITING ROOM – NIGHT

2 hours later with the Grandparents napping in their chairs the final results come in. Everyone begins cheering. Pam, and her husband and Daughter rush out to the Ballroom. The family follows.

INT. CONVENTION CENTER BALLROOM – NIGHT

Pam wins the election by a landslide with the voters. In Pam’s acceptance speech she vows that her first line of business when she takes office is to obliterate the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law.

EXT. REPRODUCTIVE CLINIC – MORNING

The Governor’s Daughter exits a care clinic looking forlorn. As she opens her car door she looks around and sees many cars with people standing outside of them. All is silent. As soon as she leaves the parking lot, many of those same cars start their engines and start the stalking process.

[Jodi Harrison]

Request for feedback Exchange

Jodi’s SLW Version 1

Concept: TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters against any woman who chooses to have an abortion. Along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman, this law tragically impacts family’s lives and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed by the system.

PLOT CHOICE: #16. Sacrifice – Belonging to a very conservative family, a forensic investigator fights the system that created the bounty hunting abortion ban but will probably lose her family ties in the process

character structure: Dramatic Triangle

Lead Characters:

Protagonist: Pamela Wells – Forensic Investigator who fights for female reproductive freedom,

Antagonist: Governor Chad Babbitt – The person who enacted the ban on abortion law SB8

Supporting: Chloe Carter – Pam’s best friend who is a Social Worker.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: Can Pam win the Governorship and overturn the TX law SB8? Will her family disown her?

MAIN CONFLICT: Pam must find a way to change the SB8 law that has boldly stripped women of their constitutional right. With deep budget cuts and many new families living below the poverty line, Pam decides that the only way she can help the women of the state is to run for the Governorship and abolish the law.

DILEMMA: Having a very conservative pro-life family Pam sees first hand the devastation the new law causes but runs the risk on being disowned by her family by choosing to challenge the conservative Governor for his position, specifically for the purpose of getting back the rights of women to have control over their own bodies; their constitutional right.

Theme: Don’t tread on me. America is not a dictatorship…yet.

Character Arc: Pam has been raised ‘family-first’ and follow every law obediently. She realizes she might have to go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice.

Part to be changed: Pam is loyal to family and is a law-abiding citizen.

Biggest fear: To be disowned by her conservative family, and Father in particular.

Completion of arc: She decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, even if unlawful.

9 beat Structure.

OPENING SCENE: A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

INCITING INCIDENT: Right to Life members follow her too close on the road and accidentally cause her to car to flip over continually, killing her.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Pam decides the only way to fight this attack on women is from the top.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Pam teams up with women from all over the state to organize a plan to take on the Governorship.

Mid-Point: Pam’s family starts to shun her, she’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Under-funded, slandered and falsely accused, Pam feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.

Crisis: Pam is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for all women’s freedom of choice.

Climax: She finds out the Governor’s wife had an abortion in her younger years and uses that information to shut him down from exposing her Father.

Resolution: Pam wins the election by a landslide. Her family has accepted her and the beaten Governor takes his Daughter to a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.

[Jodi Harrison]

PS 80 – Jodi’s Necessary Questions – Day 4

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that by answering the questions of Concept, Dramatic questioning, Main Conflict and Dilemma’s that the story could create helps to flesh out your story better and can help you create a stronger spine for your story and characters.

1. List your answer for each of these areas for your story.

CONCEPT: TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman it also creates a nightmare for the Governor as he learns his Daughter has been raped and was impregnated. The Governor begins to learn firsthand how this law tragically impacts his family’s lives, his future leadership position and thousands of pregnant women he has failed.

DRAMATIC QUESTION’s: Can Susan win the Governorship and overturn the TX law SB8? Will her family disown her?

MAIN CONFLICT: Is between Susan and the Governor. Susan the lead investigator of a hit and run has to deal with deep budget cuts which have been redirected to state programs for new Mothers and their state dictated newborns below the poverty line. The deepening deficit of Texas with newly created orphanages and institutions with an already overburdened budget brings Susan to the conclusion that the only way she can help women is to regain their constitutional rights that were stripped away with the new ban on abortion, SB 8 by running for the Governorship.

DILEMMA: Having a very conservative pro-life family Susan sees first hand the devastation the new law causes but runs the risk on being disowned by her family by choosing to challenge the Governor for his position, specifically for the purpose of getting back the rights of women to have control over their own bodies; their constitutional right.

THEME: You are free to have your civil rights and what you hold dear and important, and I as a woman, I am free to have mine.

I realize that this is probably more a statement that I haven’t culled into a theme yet, I’ll keep working on making it more succinct:

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi Cheryl,

I’m resending posts 1 through 4 as I think when I initially posted them they went onto someone else’s post. I hit the big red ‘reply’ button but I noticed (after the fourth one) that they might have been sent to someone as a reply. So now I’m just posting to the administrator box. Sorry about that.

PS80 – Jodi’s Dramatic Plots 1 – Day 2

What I learned doing this is that most dramatic plots can be broken down into categories. It helped me to further flesh out the idea I had but nothing was set in stone for me yet, so by choosing different options a writer can see different vantage points of the story, not just the one that they had initially envisioned, which could be too fixed and inflexible, and not open to the best possibilities anyway.

The two that could possibly work for my story are:

1. Revenge – When Susan finds out the Senator’s Daughter’s name is on the “List’ thereby expecting a baby, she takes it upon herself to investigate if the Senator will make his child keep the baby or if he’s going to try to help her get an abortion.

2. Underdog – Outmatched, out-funded and over-burdened Susan makes it her mission to help the poor women who are stalked by bounty hunters by challenging the legislators who enacted the ban on abortion for all women in Texas.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Character Structure – Day 1

post your assignment on the ProSeries 50 forums at http://Screenwriting…orums/index.php

What I learned doing this assignment is how to start an outline and to not stress about the choices. That most of your major screenwriters use outlines as it can save you two to five drafts and it becomes a roadmap that you can refer to especially when you need to write a certain element. Managers and Producers require outlines to see if the script will be viable to be made. There is a certain order of marketability when we’re choosing the Character structure, what is most viable to what can be less marketable to make such as ensemble cast.

TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman it also creates a nightmare for the State Senator who is the culprit of this law as he learns his Daughter has been raped and was impregnated. The Senator begins to learn firsthand how this law tragically impacts all involved.

The character structure is a Dramatic Triangle:

Susan is an overworked and exhausted social-worker who finds herself bucking the new system of outlawing abortion.

Bradley is the State Senator, who authored the ‘Heartbeat bill’ SB 8, that legalizes abortion bounty hunters.

Madison is Bradley’s Daughter.

Seeing the state erode into a third world country with crazed bounty hunters stalking suspected pregnant women and state funded governmental programs going bankrupt within three months of their funding, a reluctant activist sets her sights and attacks on the white male who created this bill. The disillusioned and exhausted social worker makes a plan and organizes to fight back for female reproductive freedoms. She will do whatever is possible, be it legal or not. The author of this bill finds out that his Daughter is pregnant and without hesitation ignores his bill and attempts to find ways to help her abort the embryo.

[Jodi Harrison]

[PS80] Jodi’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web – Day 8

1. What I learned is by first isolating a specific story logic component it could help me see that other parts of the logic web could also be shifted and rewritten as well. I know right now I am in the category as not being able to be as objective as possible as I only made minor changes at this point. I do hope I can learn how to have a better handle on using the story logic web more objectively. I am definitely trying to keep this tool in the forefront of my mind.

2. BEFORE:

CONCEPT: TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman it also creates a nightmare for the Governor as he learns his Daughter has been raped and was impregnated. The Governor begins to learn firsthand how this law tragically impacts his family’s lives, his future leadership position and thousands of pregnant women he has failed.

Lead Characters: Pamela Wells, Governor Chad Babbitt, Chloe Carter

PLOT/STRUCTURE: #16. Sacrifice – Belonging to a very conservative family, a crime scene investigator fights the system that created the bounty hunting abortion ban having witnessed first hand the devastation this horrific unconstitutional law has created.

OPENING SCENE: A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

INCITING INCIDENT: Right to Life members follow her too close on the road and accidentally cause her to car to flip over continually, killing her.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Pam decides the only way to fight this attack on women is from the top.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Pam teams up with women from all over the state to organize a plan to take on the Governorship.

Mid-Point: Pam’s family starts to shun her. She’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Under-funded, slandered and falsely accused, Pam feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.

Crisis: Pam is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for all women’s freedom of choice.

Climax: She finds out about the Governor’s wife having an abortion in her younger years and uses that information to shut him down from exposing her Father. Her Father tries to reach her.

Resolution: Pam wins the election by a landslide with most female voters and many male supporters as well. With great words of conviction Pam powerfully tells the voters that the first line of business will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ ban. Her family has accepted her point of view. The beaten Governor takes his Daughter to a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.

PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC: Pam has been raised family-first and follow every law obediently. She realizes she must go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice.

Part to be changed: Pam is loyal to family and a law abiding citizen.

Biggest fear: To be disowned by her conservative family

Completion of arc: She decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, against all odds.

MAIN CONFLICT: Is between Pam and the Governor. Pam, the lead investigator of a hit and run has to deal with deep budget cuts as they have been redirected to state programs for new Mothers and their state dictated newborns below the poverty line. The deepening deficit of Texas with newly created orphanages and institutions with an already overburdened budget brings Pam to the conclusion that the only way she can help women is to regain their constitutional rights that were stripped away with the new ban on abortion, SB 8 by running for the Governorship.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: Can Pam win the Governorship and overturn the TX law SB8? Will her family disown her?

DILEMMA: Having a very conservative pro-life family Pam sees first hand the devastation the new law causes but runs the risk on being disowned by her family by choosing to challenge the Governor for his position, specifically for the purpose of getting back the rights of women to have control over their own bodies; their constitutional right.

THEME: You are free to have your civil rights and what you hold dear and important, and I as a woman, I am free to have mine.

3. ISOLATING COMPONENT:

THEME: Don’t tread on me

CONCEPT: Adjusted the concept a bit

4. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:

THEME: I worked on my theme to be more targeted.

CONCEPT: I decided the Governor’s Daughter getting pregnant would not be a main part of the story, I’d like to focus the story more on Pam and Chloe’s journey, with the Governor’s Daughter a closing thought at the end. I’d also like to incorporate more of the bounty hunters actions and their tracking website in this.

PLOT #16 Sacrifice-remains as I think Pam has two strong problems which creates a huge dilemma for her.

CHARACTER ARC: is the same.

MAIN CONFLICT: is the same but I edited it down a bit.

5. AFTER:

Concept: TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman. This law tragically impacts family’s lives, future leadership roles and thousands of pregnant women and children that have been failed.

Lead Characters: same

PLOT/STRUCTURE: #16. Sacrifice – Belonging to a very conservative family, a forensic investigator fights the system that created the bounty hunting abortion ban but will probably lose her family ties in the process.

OPENING SCENE: A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

INCITING INCIDENT: Right to Life members follow her too close on the road and accidentally cause her to car to flip over continually, killing her.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Pam decides the only way to fight this attack on women is from the top.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Pam teams up with women from all over the state to organize a plan to take on the Governorship.

Mid-Point: Pam’s family starts to shun her. She’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Under-funded, slandered and falsely accused, Pam feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.

Crisis: Pam is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for all women’s freedom of choice.

Climax: She finds out about the Governor’s wife having an abortion in her younger years and uses that information to shut him down from exposing her Father. Her Father tries to reach her.

Resolution: Pam wins the election by a landslide with most female voters and many male supporters as well. Pam tells the voters that the first line of business will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ ban. Her family has accepted her knowing how important her point of view is to her. The beaten Governor takes his Daughter to a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.

Character Arc: Pam has been raised ‘family-first’ and follow every law obediently. She realizes she might have to go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice.

Part to be changed: Pam is loyal to family and is a law-abiding citizen.

Biggest fear: To be disowned by her conservative family, and Father in particular.

Completion of arc: She decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, even if unlawful.

Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:

MAIN CONFLICT: Pam must find a way to change the SB8 law that has boldly stripped women of their constitutional right. With deep budget cuts in many state funded programs and millions of new families living below the poverty line needing monthly financial help, along with the deepening deficit, Pam decides that the only way she can help the women of the state is to run for the Governorship and abolish the law.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: Can Pam win the Governorship and overturn the TX law SB8? Will her family disown her?

DILEMMA: Having a very conservative pro-life family Pam sees first hand the devastation the new law causes but runs the risk on being disowned by her family by choosing to challenge the conservative Governor for his position, specifically for the purpose of getting back the rights of women to have control over their own bodies; their constitutional right.

Theme: Don’t tread on me. America is not a dictatorship…yet.

http://ScreenwritingU.com/forums/index.php

[Jodi Harrison]

PS 80 – Jodi’s 1st Pass – Day 7

I learned that by putting in a plot structure it helped me to map out the story more fully. I went with my impulse thoughts, and I know the general area I want these scenes.

1. LOGLINE: One woman will not be silenced or controlled with the new attack on a woman’s constitutional right to pro-choice.

2. PLOT/PLOT SUMMARY: #16. Sacrifice – Belonging to a very conservative family, a crime scene investigator fights the system that created the bounty hunting abortion ban having witnessed first hand the devastation this horrific unconstitutional law has created.

3. STRUCTURE:

OPENING SCENE: A young teen finds out she is pregnant and is overwhelmed and scared.

INCITING INCIDENT: Right to Life members follow her too close on the road and accidentally cause her to car to flip over continually, killing her.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Pam decides the only way to fight this attack on women is from the top.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Pam teams up with women from all over the state to organize a plan to take on the Governorship.

Mid-Point: Pam’s family starts to shun her. She’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Under-funded, slandered and falsely accused, Pam feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.

Crisis: Pam is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for all women’s freedom of choice.

Climax: She finds out about the Governor’s wife having an abortion in her younger years and uses that information to shut him down from exposing her Father. Her Father tries to reach her.

Resolution: Pam wins the election by a landslide with most female voters and many male supporters as well. With great words of conviction Pam powerfully tells the voters that the first line of business will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ ban. Her family has accepted her point of view. The beaten Governor takes his Daughter to a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.

4. PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC: Pam has been raised family-first and follow every law obediently. She realizes she must go against both ways of life to do what is right for all women’s freedom of choice.

Part to be changed: Pam is loyal to family and a law abiding citizen.

Biggest fear: To be disowned by her conservative family

Completion of arc: She decides she’s better off alone and fighting for what’s right, even if unlawful.

5. PLOT IN STRUCTURE

OPENING SCENE: Young girl gets killed in car accident.

1. EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY
Two rednecks chase the innocent girl down the road. She is scared, overcompensates and flips her car and dies.

2. EXT. SAME – EVENING
Susan arrives on the scene. After looking through the car she finds the bloodied reproductive pamphlet and instantly surmises what happened as she’s seen this before.

3. INT. CLINIC – DAY
Susan goes to the clinic and questions anyone who had seen the young girl there. She hits dead ends because of HIPAA.

4. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY

Susan finds out the lack of funds and priority when it comes to pregnant women because the state is so financially overburdened. She is told the same thing from her social worker friend.

INCITING INCIDENT:

5. INT. SUSAN’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Doing research Susan finds out that the state is almost bankrupt because of the many orphanages, foster homes payments, welfare spiraling out of control because of the SB8 law Bounty Hunters law. She realizes this is an attack on all women and must do something about it.

6. INT. SUSAN’S PARENTS HOME – DAY
She is told to leave it alone. It’s God’s will who is pregnant.

7. INT. SHERIFFS OFFICE — DAY
Susan asks her friend in MIS to help her extract information on new orphanages and foster homes in the last four years. She is given a pile of pages representing hundreds of orphanages. She is told she has to speak to the TDFPS for foster information. She also needs the Right to Life database to find the harmful bounty hunters.

8. INT. YOUNG GIRL’S HOME – DAY
Susan talks to the dead girl’s Mother.

9. EXT. ORPHANAGE ROW – DAY
Susan is shocked to see row after row of shoddy orphanage buildings, like barracks. Very young children and toddlers play outside, with ratty clothes, one worker for thirty children. Older children are working. Each row of barracks repeats the same picture. She is in tears.

10. INT. MESS HALL – DAY

She falsely flashes her badge pretending to have authority to see how the children are taken care of and fed. There is little time to show affection to a child as each worker has their duties to perform. The dished out food is without love or care, your daily basics.

FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Susan realizes she cannot turn her back on these thousands of unwanted children and the life they’ve been dictated to have. She organizes with unions, organizations, free clinics and women to form a plan to abolish the SB8 law.

Susan has a debate with her husband. Stats are here.

Forced term women start calling her after hearing through the grapevine she’s trying to organize help

Susan reaches out to a physician who is still giving abortions and they organize with pro-choice orgs to challenge the bounty hunter law.

Susan anonymously receives information on who’s one the bounty hunters hit list from the Texas ‘Right to Life’ website. She feels things are starting to turn in a positive direction

Mid-Point: Susan’s family starts to shun her. She’s given an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

Susan is depressed knowing her family is not supporting her efforts and she doesn’t know how to handle the situation.

She decides to continue her mission and starts a website of her own called ‘Right to Choose’ which wants to hear of women being harassed, stalked, sued and wants to hear from any child who has been abused or neglected at home, in Foster care or while in these state ran Orphanages.

Her website crashes and her phone rings off the hook. She feels overwhelmed by the amount of children who feel unloved and neglected and women who resent their forced babies. On 267.00 per month that the state gives them in TANF (Texas stats) most low income women don’t know how they can raise these mandatory unwanted children.

Susan tries to find funds to help these people but the need is greater than she can raise as each year over 100,000 abused and neglected children in Texas need her help. (Texas stats) and knowing 31,000 children in state foster care (2019, Texas stats) are now exponential.

Meanwhile, a secret group is targeting any citizen who starts a private civil right of action for 10,000. against pregnant women. Susan hears of this group and is happy other people are involved…until someone went too far and killed one of these bounty hunters. She tries to find out the source and leadership of this secret group.

Susan’s core group persuade her that the only way there will be change is to challenge the man who put this in law; The Governor. They start their campaign for the Governorship as elections are coming in the next few months.

Susan starts making inroads and the opposition is nervous. Susan receives a threat in the mail that is a copy of his military notice which shows her Father as a Draft Dodger. She is warned if she doesn’t stop her bid and stop causing trouble her Dad will be exposed, hurting his reputation and his congregation.

Second turning point at end of Act 2: Under-funded, slandered and falsely accused, Susan feels the odds are against her and her Pastor Father will be exposed as a draft dodger if she doesn’t quit.

Susan meets an anti-abortionist crusader who is now pro-choice. He tells her why. Which fuels her further in this pro-choice march

The debate is in two days, it has been leaked in her Dad’s congregation that he is a draft Dodger and some members have left his church. Her Mother blames Susan and the ‘trouble’ she is causing.

Crisis: Susan is torn between helping her Dad and choosing to fight for these unwanted children and all women’s freedom of choice.

Susan has a televised debate with the current Governor. She blasts him with stats on those who favor abortion, the plight of mostly poor women who is held to this law (not affluent pregnant white women who could easily finance a trip to another state for an abortion), the heartbreaking realities of unwanted and unloved children, and the death penalty stats of Texas. Also, how broken the state has become financially with hundreds of thousands of more mouths to feed, housing, healthcare, joblessness, etc.

More pressure is put on the Pastor and Susan, she finds out who is the leader of the vigilante group attacking the bounty hunters, and is publicly slammed for falsely being a part of it. She is given information about the Governor’s wife having an abortion many years prior. Either you believe in pro-life or don’t, that doesn’t change by circumstance.

Climax: She finds out about the Governor’s wife having an abortion in her younger years and uses that information to shut him down from exposing her Father. Her Father tries to reach her.

Resolution: Susan wins the election by a landslide with most female and male voters as they have always been the majority, but have not been listened to, just the conservative viewpoint is what mattered to the Governor. With great words of conviction Susan powerfully tells the voters that the first line of business will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ SB8 law. Her family has accepted her point of view. The beaten Governor takes his Daughter to a reproductive clinic while the Right to Life stalkers are lying in wait.

[Jodi Harrison]

PS 80 – Jodi’s Favorite Movie Outline – Day 6

I’ve learned a scene breakdown is an outline, I never realized that. I’ve never filled in the blanks and followed an outline, I always wrote as I thought up ideas. I realize that’s just because I didn’t know how to follow a structure, thinking I’d just get everything tangled up. But with this I can see it is much easier to map the story out and make sure I don’t miss any key parts of the structure.

Dramatic Question: Can Henrick persuade the US to go along with his plan and keep him from being deported as a traitor.

Main Conflict: Germany has invaded Denmark and the Ambassador cannot bring himself to acquiescing to the nazi’s and let them take over his beloved country.

Dilemma: Accept Germany’s occupation of Denmark and the fate of his people as his superiors have done, or proclaim independence and fight within the US, possibly leading to his deportation and hanging as a treasonous traitor.

Theme: I’m stealing from Die Hard here but it does apply: One woman and one man can make a difference.

Outline of: The Good Traitor.

This is my first time seeing this movie. My favorite movies are comedies so I picked this one because it is the same genre as the script I’m writing in this class: Drama and history.

1. INT. HOSPITAL BED – DAY

Title: June 1963, Skodsborg Sanatorium, Denmark.

Essence: AMBASSADOR HENRICK KAUFFMAN is dying with his wife at his bedside. CHARLOTTE KAUFFMANN, his wife suffocates him with a pillow.

2. INT. THE KAUFFMANN BEDROOM – DAY

Title: 1939, The Danish Embassy, Washington, DC

Essence: Chanting of Sieg Heil is heard. Henrick and Charlotte dress to meet President Roosevelt. He is nervous.

3. INT. THE WHITE HOUSE – DAY

Title: The White House, Washington DC

Essence: Henrick meets PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT, Charlotte has known the President since she was a child The President acts cool to Henrick. Henrick tries to get verbal support from the President that the US will be a strong ally to Denmark when Hitler invades. The President is again dismissive to Henrick.

4. INT. KAUFFMANN BEDROOM – NIGHT

Essence: Henrick verbalizes his concern that President Roosevelt will not be onboard with Denmark. They decide Henrick needs to stand out to get Roosevelts attention.

5. EXT. GARDEN PARTY – DAY

Essence: Henrick, BLECHINGBERG and ARNO JENSEN debate about Denmark’s neutral policy. Blechingberg offends Jensen who has a different view than Denmark staying neutral.

6. INT. KAUFFMANN LIVINGROOM – DAY

Essence: Charlotte’s sister ZILLA and her Daughter visit. It appears there is either something between Henrick and Zilla or they had a history together.

7. INT. KAUFFMANN’S OFFICE – DAY

Essence: Jensen warns Henrick of Danish suicide by being neutral to Hitler. He feels they are being naive. Henrick agrees with Jensen and tries to recruit him to work with him.

8. EXT. SWIMMING POOL – DAY

Title: 1940, Charleston Hotel, South Carolina

Essence: It is revealed that Charlotte deals with issues by drinking.

9. EXT. OUTSIDE PATIO – EVENING

Essence: Zilla and Henrick are talked into telling the young children about their secret mission to the Gobi Desert as spies. Zilla is married to SENATOR MASON. Mason was instrumental in Henrick and Charlotte marrying. In a moment by themselves it is revealed that Henrick and Zilla still love each other.

10. INT. JENSEN HOME – MORNING

Title: 9 April 1940

Essence: A Reporter from the New York Times calls and asks if he could get a comment from the legation about the German invasion of Denmark. This is a surprise to Jensen.

11. INT. KAUFFMANN’S OFFICE – MORNING

Essence: Henrick finds out the Danish are negotiating surrender and the Germans plan on ruling the country. Henrick plans on declaring himself independent of Denmark. He knows he will be recalled, lose his position with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and be looked upon as betraying his country.

12. INT. THE DEPARTMENT OF STATE, WA DC – MORNING

Essence: He asks the State Dept. if he can have their support for him to run an independent embassy in the US to represent the King and the free Danish people. Henrick believes Danish foreign policy can’t be ran with nazi pressure. The State Dept Director BERLE declines. Henrick’s on his own.

13. INT. KAUFFMANN’S HOME – DAY

Essence: The nazi radio caster announces to avoid any passive or active resistance. Charlotte reminds Henrick of his philosophy of diplomacy when he stated his concern for being extradited back to Denmark under nazi rule, “You say it’s 50% information, and 50% gambling….Gamble.”

14. INT. RADIO STATION – DAY

Essence: Henrick broadcasts a news update stating his position of no longer taking orders from Denmark as they are being ruled under duress by Germany. He will work for one thing only; a free and independent Denmark.

15. INT. KAUFFMANN’S OFFICE – DAY

Essence: Nine out of 24 embassies support his position, the others are calling him a traitor. Svenningsen’s telegram demands Kauffmann acknowledge the agreement with the nazi’s or he’ll replace him with a new Ambassador and deport him.

16. INT. KAUFFMANN BATHROOM – NIGHT

Essence: He needs Charlotte’s help to get access to President Roosevelt.

17. EXT. FRANKLIN’S VACATION HOME – DAY

Essence: Henrick asks for the President’s help, the President agrees to help him gain a little time. Charlotte jokingly makes reference to Zilla getting all the glory from people. Later, Henrick and Zilla walk into the woods and kiss.

18. INT. KAUFFMANN BEDROOM – NIGHT

Essence: Charlotte saw Henrick and Zilla kissing and confronts him. He coolly blows her off and leaves the room.

19. INT. KAUFFMANN OFFICE – DAY

Essence: All Denmark Ambassadors that have not acknowledged Germany rule over Denmark have had their funds stopped. Denmark shipped gold reserves to the US before the occupation. His plan is to help the US build an air base in Greenland and get the Cryolite for their airplane production, but they will first have to usurp Greenland’s Governors. Henrick hopes this could be the beginning of the end of Hitler, but they have to find a loophole to do this or they can be arrested for treason.

20. INT. BLECHINGBERG’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Essence: Blechingberg betrays Kauffmann by calling Svenningsen and asking for a new Ambassador to replace Kauffmann.

21. INT. STATE DEPARTMENT, WA DC – DAY

Essence: Kauffmann suspects Blechingberg is sabotaging him so he asks Berle of the State Dept. to investigate him for possible criminal activity. Berle says he’ll put Hoover on the job. They propose their idea about occupying Greenland to Berle and he instantly throws them out of his office.

22. INT. EMBASSY KITCHEN – NIGHT

Essence: Kauffmann and Jensen discuss how they can make the air base a permanent deal for America.

23. INT. KAUFFMANN BEDROOM – MORNING

Essence: Henrick makes peace with Charlotte, but Charlotte still has doubts about him.

24. INT. KAUFFMANN LIVINGROOM – DAY

Essence: Zilla makes peace with Charlotte. It is clear Charlotte forgives her sister more than she forgives Henrick.

25. EXT. GARDEN – DAY

Essence: Charlotte confides in Roosevelt that she thinks Henrick is in love with Zilla. He proposes that she see a different way of thinking about love. She shares with the President Henrick’s belief that it would benefit world peace if the US has military bases in Greenland in perpetuity.

26. INT. STATE DEPT. – NIGHT

Essence: Fearing that Churchill won’t be able to hold Great Britain and the US would be forced into war, the President and the State Dept reconsider Henrick’s idea. Henrick takes the opportunity to negotiate his position to be the only official representative of the free Denmark and wants Denmark’s funds freed up and Denmark’s gold reserves at his disposal.

27. INT. KAUFFMANN LIVINGROOM – NIGHT

Essence: Henrick stares at King Christian’s portrait and the contract terms he just made. Charlotte wrapping her arms around him says “You are the King”.

28. INT. OFFICE – DAY

Essence: The US has taken custody of Greenland for the Danes. Henrick and Roosevelt sign the agreement during a broadcasted photo op.

29. INT. BANK – DAY

Title: The Federal Reserve Bank of New York

Essence: Henrick and his children are shown into the gold reserve room for Denmark, which is piled high and wide with gold bars. He says to his kids “Whoever has the money wins”.

30. INT. EMBASSY OFFICE – DAY

Essence: Jensen and his Assistant dole out the freed up funds to the different Danish embassies around the world. Jensen “This should tide them over for at least three months”.

31. EXT. KAUFFMANN HOME – DAY

Essence: Zilla runs into Henrick sitting on a bench. He asks her to sit next to him. He holds his hand over hers, clearly still interested in more romance with her. She smiles at him, moves her hand and walks away. Henrick looks around to see if his wife saw again…she didn’t.

32. INT. KAUFFMANN DININGROOM – NIGHT

Essence: Stolen glances between Henrick and Zilla. A messenger brings news to Henrick that because he acted without authority signing the contract of Greenland, he has been relieved of his duties as Ambassador and is charged with high treason, must relinquish his personal fortune, and is being deported immediately.

33. EXT. AIRPORT – NIGHT

Essence: At the same time they are trying to deport Kauffmann, Blechingberg is served with deportation papers himself from the FBI investigation. Berle, the Director saves the day for Kauffmann, as it stopped his deportation. Henrick says “Now those damned Americans better enter into the war”.

34. INT. WHITE HOUSE – DAY

Title: (Roosevelt) December 7^th, 1941

Essence: Roosevelt broadcasts Japan has attacked Pearl Harbor. The President and Winston Churchill are meeting to discuss the axis of war and to build the foundation for world peace with the UN, if Denmark is to join, Henrick must make sure everyone knows the Danes are not with the nazis.

35. INT. KAUFFMANN LIVINGROOM – DAY

Essence: Henrick has gathered the influential Danes living in the US and asks them to stick together and not buckle to the nazis. Charlotte confronts Henrick, he cruelly says he likes everything about Zilla. He has disdain for Charlotte. She tries to harm herself by stepping on glass.

36. INT. SAME

Essence: Jensen gives Kauffmann the good news that King Christian the 10^th says he cannot criticize the unilateralism line taken by Ambassador Kauffmann. Which is a blessing to Henrick.

37. INT. CAR – DAY

Title: May 1945

Essence: The Danes celebrate Henrick and Denmark’s freedom after five years of occupation by the nazis. Henrick meets with Svenningsen and Prime Minister Buhl. Svenningsen wants to banish him to Asia but instead he is able to write his own ticket with the PM and his new goal is for Denmark to join the UN.

38. EXT. BRIDGE – DAY

Title: June 26 1945

Essence: Delegates from 46 United Nations have come together in San Francisco to sign the peace agreement, with Ambassador Kauffmann among them signing for Denmark.

39. INT. KAUFFMANN BEDROOM – NIGHT

Essence: Charlotte and Henrick hope that there will be more earnest players like PM Buhl in the UN. Henrick acknowledges that if it wasn’t for Charlotte, Denmark wouldn’t be a free country. They seem to be happy as a couple again.

40. INT. HOSPITAL BED – DAY

Essence: Blood is all over Henrick as his neck has been cut open. Charlotte is holding the bloody knife. She gets into the tub with her pajamas on and takes the knife and stabs herself in the stomach. They were found dead on June 5^th 1963 at the Sanatorium where Henrick was undergoing cancer treatment.

[Jodi Harrison]

PS 80 – Jodi’s Basic Structure! – Day 5

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that by breaking the story down into the nine beat structure it helped me sort through ideas that kind of forced me to choose which ones to explore. Knowing I can change them at any point gave me freedom to go with my free flowing thoughts. It broke it down to manageable chunks too. It’s exciting to now have an outline.

1. OPENING: Eyelids open to see blurry champagne bottles popping and mostly men cheering as a newscaster on television says “This scene one month ago has brought about many changes since the Supreme court upheld the new TX law SB 8 to ban abortion, the vigil”. The eyelids start closing again into black, a loud pulse is heard, as well as a loud heartbeat sound. The heartbeat grows louder in the darkness. A Nurse is heard asking “Are you alright?” as she puts a packet of smelling salts under a young teen girl’s nose. The girl wakes up. “Welcome back” said the Nurse. The girl looks terrified like a deer in headlights. The Nurse says “Here are some pamphlets, please read these so you know what you can do. The young girl’s eyes shut again.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: The same teenage girl exits a reproductive clinic mandated by the state of TX. People are lying in wait, hoping to stalk her home until they learn more about her and discover if she is pregnant or not so they can file their 10,000.00 lawsuit before other vultures find them on the ‘right for life’ whistle blowers website. This is now the norm in TX. It frightens her, she gets in her car and starts the engine. It’s a frenzy, survival of the fittest, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her. The girl is shaken when a monster truck with a confederate flag wins first position. She punches on the gas. She’s in a rural area of Texas where windy roads are the normal terrain, she constantly looks back in terror as the monster truck stays close. It’s a game to these rednecks. The girl gets so scared she’s going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and goes off the highway. Her car flips continually over, the monster truck pulls to the side of the road to watch it flip. Eventually it stops, we see her arm out the window, still and bloody. They do not help her, they take off “Let’s get outta here bubba, aint’ gonna take no wrap for no bitch”. The passenger has a little bit of a conscience and looks at the driver with astonishment, wanting to stop and help her. The driver punches the gas, leaving the accident.

3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: As an investigator Susan’s hands are so tied that she can’t give proper justice for the many women who are dying either by hit and runs, domestic abuse or by back alley abortions. She decides the only way to fight this tragedy is from the top.

4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Susan teams up with Social workers unions, pro-choice organizations, free clinics and a network of concerned Mothers, and women from all over the state to organize a grassroots plan to take on the Governorship.

5. Mid-Point: Susan’s very conservative and pro-life family starts to shun her. Her Mother and Father give her an ultimatum to give up her endeavor or give up her family. She must choose.

6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Under-funded, slandered and falsely accused of organizing the kill hits on citizens that have brought lawsuits against women who have had an abortion, Susan feels the odds are against her. Adding to this, she is bribed to step down or her Pastor Dad will be exposed as a draft dodger, which will affect his congregation.

7. Crisis: Knowing how the draft dodging bribe will expose her Father and ultimately will damage her Parent’s reputation with their family, friends, congregation, and business networks, and how it will destroy her relationships with her family, she is torn between helping her Dad and wanting a better life for her Daughter, choosing to fight for all women’s freedom of choice, Susan decides to continue in the fight for her, her Daughter, and all women of the nation.

8. Climax: Election night is in full force. The Governor’s henchmen and red neck bubba’s try to sabotage election night for Susan. She finds out about the Governor’s wife having an abortion in her younger years and uses that information to shut him down from exposing her Father. Her Father has made a decision of his own and tries desperately to get a hold of his Daughter but her aide is handling the phone calls. He gets frustrated and tries to physically go to her election site but his blocked to do so by the Governors men.

9. Resolution: Susan’s Daughter sees her Grandfather being blocked from entry so she has police escort him to Susan. He wanted to let her know that he was fine with being exposed as a draft dodger and he supports her no matter what she does, and whatever her decision is as an individual. She is always loved and is not excommunicated or banished from their lives. Susan wins the election by a landslide with most female voters and many male supporters as well with great words of conviction Susan powerfully tells the voters that the first line of business will be to abolish the ‘heartbeat’ ban. The next morning the past Governor exits a care clinic with his arm around his Daughter, they both look forlorn. As they open their car doors the Governor looks around and sees many cars with people outside of them. All is silent. As soon as the Governor leaves the parking lot, many of those same cars start their engines and start the stalking process.

[Jodi Harrison]

PS 80 – Jodi’s Necessary Questions – Day 4

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that by answering the questions of Concept, Dramatic questioning, Main Conflict and Dilemma’s that the story could create helps to flesh out your story better and can help you create a stronger spine for your story and characters.

1. List your answer for each of these areas for your story.

CONCEPT: TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman it also creates a nightmare for the Governor as he learns his Daughter has been raped and was impregnated. The Governor begins to learn firsthand how this law tragically impacts his family’s lives, his future leadership position and thousands of pregnant women he has failed.

DRAMATIC QUESTION: Can Susan win the Governorship and overturn the TX law SB8? Will her family disown her?

MAIN CONFLICT: Is between Susan and the Governor. Susan the lead investigator of a hit and run has to deal with deep budget cuts which have been redirected to state programs for new Mothers and their state dictated newborns below the poverty line. The deepening deficit of Texas with newly created orphanages and institutions with an already overburdened budget brings Susan to the conclusion that the only way she can help women is to regain their constitutional rights that were stripped away with the new ban on abortion, SB 8 by running for the Governorship.

DILEMMA: Having a very conservative pro-life family Susan sees first hand the devastation the new law causes but runs the risk on being disowned by her family by choosing to challenge the Governor for his position, specifically for the purpose of getting back the rights of women to have control over their own bodies; their constitutional right.

THEME: You are free to have your civil rights and what you hold dear and important, and I as a woman, I am free to have mine.

I realize that this is probably more a statement that I haven’t culled into a theme yet, I’ll keep working on making it more succinct:

[Jodi Harrison]

PS80 – Jodi’s Dramatic Plots 2 – Day 3

What I learned doing this is that by choosing different plots we have more opportunities to find more gems in our story ideas. We don’t have to commit to it. If it doesn’t work, we can try new ones, but it’s best to explore more options than just be set on the one that you instantly envisioned.

TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman it also creates a nightmare for the State Senator who is the author of this law as he learns his Daughter has been raped and was impregnated. The Senator begins to learn firsthand how this law tragically impacts all involved.

The two plots I chose are:

1. Sacrifice – Belonging to a very conservative family, a social worker fights the system that created the bounty hunting abortion ban having witnessed first hand the devastation this horrific unconstitutional law has created.

2. Discovery – A pro-life social worker sees how the ‘heartbeat’ law has ruined lives and killed many women who were forced to have back alley abortions, she fights the new system with an awareness campaign.

The plot I chose to continue with out of the four plots is: Sacrifice. I plan on using elements from all four though.

[Jodi Harrison]

PS80 – Jodi’s Dramatic Plots 1 – Day 2

What I learned doing this is that most dramatic plots can be broken down into categories. It helped me to further flesh out the idea I had but nothing was set in stone for me yet, so by choosing different options a writer can see different vantage points of the story, not just the one that they had initially envisioned, which could be too fixed and inflexible, and not open to the best possibilities anyway.

The two that could possibly work for my story are:

1. Revenge – When Susan finds out the Senator’s Daughter’s name is on the “List’ thereby expecting a baby, she takes it upon herself to investigate if the Senator will make his child keep the baby or if he’s going to try to help her get an abortion.

2. Underdog – Outmatched, out-funded and over-burdened Susan makes it her mission to help the poor women who are stalked by bounty hunters by challenging the legislators who enacted the ban on abortion for all women in Texas.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Character Structure – Day 1

What I learned doing this assignment is how to start an outline and to not stress about the choices. That most of your major screenwriters use outlines as it can save you two to five drafts and it becomes a roadmap that you can refer to especially when you need to write a certain element. Managers and Producers require outlines to see if the script will be viable to be made. There is a certain order of marketability when we’re choosing the Character structure, what is most viable to what can be less marketable to make such as ensemble cast.

TIMELY: Texas creates bounty hunters and vigilantism against any woman who chooses to have an abortion, along with the nightmare this creates for anyone trying to help a pregnant woman it also creates a nightmare for the State Senator who is the culprit of this law as he learns his Daughter has been raped and was impregnated. The Senator begins to learn firsthand how this law tragically impacts all involved.

The character structure is a Dramatic Triangle:

Susan is an overworked and exhausted social-worker who finds herself bucking the new system of outlawing abortion.

Bradley is the State Senator, who authored the ‘Heartbeat bill’ SB 8, that legalizes abortion bounty hunters.

Madison is Bradley’s Daughter.

Seeing the state erode into a third world country with crazed bounty hunters stalking suspected pregnant women and state funded governmental programs going bankrupt within three months of their funding, a reluctant activist sets her sights and attacks on the white male who created this bill. The disillusioned and exhausted social worker makes a plan and organizes to fight back for female reproductive freedoms. She will do whatever is possible, be it legal or not. The author of this bill finds out that his Daughter is pregnant and without hesitation ignores his bill and attempts to find ways to help her abort the embryo.

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi
I’m Jodi Harrison and I’ve completed two full feature scripts, one one hour format script (quarter finalist w/ Scriptapalooza…I was thrilled), a few short scripts and produced and directed one of those shorts many years ago. I have two other full feature scripts I’ve been working on, and feel I really could improve on my writing (creativity in scenes, characters, dialogue, etc.) with Screenwriting U’s great ProSeries. My goal is to get much better at writing and develop to the point where I can seek representation and become a professional writer as opposed to it being a hobby (unpaid) as is my current status.

I’m stumped at something unique. I ‘am’ unusual (or weird) does that count?

A lifetime (30+) years ago I was a Baccarat Dealer and was in a Cosmopolitan article. At the time only 2.5% BD’s were female and I had to fight (figuratively speaking) my way into the position. Being a BD I interfaced with people from all avenues of life, all ranges of income from the richest people in the world to the poorest people locally (Vegas). I’ve met many colorful people as a BD and that has given me a lot to draw on for characters, which I hope to use in writing a script one day about them.

When I lived in the valley (CA) I directed some mainstage productions at a North Hollywood 99 seat equity waiver theatre. I also performed, which I loved to do, but haven’t since I’ve moved to timbuktu near the desert (7 years now).

Feel free to connect with me if you’re looking for a beginning partner when we start the feedback exercises.

[Jodi Harrison]

What have I learned about this lesson:

All the teleconference info was great and informative, so below I am just writing a few highlights that stuck out to me:

I love the messages to keep your mind open and willing by having the mindset of “What can I learn today?” (even if you think you’ve accomplished that specific lesson already).

What is it I don’t know when I step outside the box, my comfort zone?

What is it I don’t know or am not using in my writing currently?

I’m glad to hear that intelligence is based on the ‘willingness’ to learn and not just on your ability to hold information because sometimes I’m challenged memory-wise, but I’m always wanting to learn, so that made me feel a bit more capable to understand the intricacies of this process as I’ve always ‘assumed’ that the more you retain the smarter you are as an individual. So glad I’ve been wrong about that assumption.

Learning the reasons why a Producer would ask for changes was helpful as I’ve heard of writers taking it personally when a Producer wants to adjust their work. Some Writers wear it like a badge of honor to reject the request (which is only self-defeating) when the goal is to get their work produced. Knowing the requests are most often about getting the script ready for funding changes the Writer’s position from ego to team-player.

Smart to always think about the up-sale. Asking a Producer if they’d like something written for them is a great way to open yourself up for the possibility of the next paying gig with them.

It’s important to find three missing breakthroughs each lesson, which will serve you well.

Knowing the freedom of not having to perfect my
work (while in the creation process) takes loads of pressure off. To know that during this class we don’t have
to turn in exceptional polished work, that the exceptional work is in the
process of learning unfettered creating.
Going with the flow instead of editing.

[Jodi Harrison]

I agree to the terms of this release form

[Jodi Harrison]

If you have a minute, I could really use some help here regarding the pitch appointments we scheduled.

I had the same issue regarding the Query letter call when I set my call for March 29th, the website said “Oops, we had a problem”, I tried a couple more times and each time I tried I noticed the time slots that I selected were now gone, so I gave up thinking that the issue must have corrected itself, and then I got a confirmation, so I thought “All good”. Unfortunately, that was not the case, Cheryl did not answer the phone for my scheduled call, and like you, I couldn’t leave a message cuz the vm was full, I found another tel no. and left a message there but no one bothered to call me back. Today is April 5th and no one has contacted me to correct their mistake of being m.i.a. for the Query call. I reached out to support several times to which Jhoana responded back once saying the hiccup was becuz they updated their systems. (Yeah, I call B.S.) Regardless, I responded back to her and asked for them to make an appt. for me since the website link did not work when I set my day/time. (Mar 29 @ 2:30). That was five days ago, and I haven’t heard a word.

So, the million-dollar question is, were you able to get your Query pitch letter call eventually as promised? and if so, how did you (or Cheryl) resolve the issue so you were able to get your call?

And if this post happens to go to our PS80 members emails as well, if anyone else has a way I can contact Cheryl (as Jhoana in support has done nothing to correct this issue), I’d greatly appreciate the heads up.

Thank you!

Jodi Harrison

[Jodi Harrison]

Pablo,

Thank you so much for your glowing review of my query letter, it made me feel sooo good. Yes, I did work the hell out of the drafts, so I’m very glad it now reads succinctly. Your words are very encouraging, and means a lot to me! And, your welcome on the input, any time. Let me know when you post your updated draft, and I’ll take another pass over it, if you’d like. You have a very interesting story.

jhonthego4@gmail.com

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi Pablo,

I just posted my Draft three, I wasn’t able to replace draft two for some odd reason, usually we can go to the edit option, but none came up today, so if you haven’t looked at my D2 yet, would you look at D3 instead for me? It saved under the comments after D2. I still want to cut a few words (if not a line) out of the ‘description’ areas if it can use a little shortening. Thank you Pablo.

[Jodi Harrison]

Thank you Amy, it sure does help. I just edited my second draft with your comments in mind.

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi Pablo,

Would you critique my query letter? I couldn’t find the “Partner up” forum to post a request for critique on. I could use some help shortening mine but keeping important hooks in it. I’ve critiqued yours below. If for any reason something doesn’t make sense that I wrote, please feel free to contact me for clarification.

Pablo, I bolded the hooks I found with comments below, I’m sure I missed some, I’m still learning how to find them.

Pablo’s Query Letter

Hope your week is going well. I’ve got a pulse-pounding suspense thriller called “La Ventura” that I think would be great for (Production Studio).

– I’d just start right in with “I’ve got a pulse-pounding….”

There’s a new hit game show online: Illegal immigrants running for the border. Place your bets.

– Nice opening intro hook, but could use a little more description: What are they running for? running for their lives to the border? running to freedom? running for ?

– I really like the character of Irma, a strong women who takes the bull by the horns. I’m rooting for her.

When her husband is murdered over unpaid gambling debts, Irma Ventura and her sons have no choice but to cut and run towards the border to elude the clutches of the drug-lord responsible, Sapo Salazar. Upon discovering their escape, Sapo reaches out to his drug-runner in El Paso, Frank Kazakowski. Frank oversees an elaborate operation that uses drones to smuggle contraband into the US. and Sapo asks him to use his “buzzards” to help him locate Irma in the Chihuahua Desert. But after getting caught shipping drugs by the Border Patrol, Frank is forced to use his drones to help catch illegal immigrants or else be sent to prison. So, Frank comes up with an idea: With dozens of drones at his disposal, Frank and his crew create a gambling ring on the darkweb that livestreams migrants attempting to cross the El Rio Grande. All the while, fooling the U.S. agency into thinking he is simply keeping surveillance.

– In keeping with our challenge to make as much white space on the query page as possible, here are a couple of ideas I had when reading the paragraph.

– From (I put it in italics) “Upon discovering…..to ….by the Border Patrol”, is part of your story but not the hooks. An idea: Once discovering their escape, Sapo, has his drug runner Frank, search for Irma with his buzzard drones.

– Frank is forced to use his drones to help catch illegal immigrants or else be sent to prison by Border Patrol. You could go right into the next paragraph: “Frank and his crew…..keeping surveillance.”

Irma and her sons struggle as they make the trek through the hot desert. Along the way however, they find packages with food, water and supplies. They soon discover it is drones that have been dropping them off. What they don’t know is they are now contestants on a twisted, online game show and these drones are leading them straight to a Border Patrol Station as a captivated audience watches their every move.

By the time Irma realizes this, she and her family are a stones throw from U.S. soil. To ensure their safety, Irma must lure the drones away so her sons can safely make it across. In her daring attempt to bait the drones, Irma tragically falls off a cliff and dies.

Upon crossing the border wall, her sons are immediately detained and because they are minors without a guardian, they are taken to a refugee facility where they are to be looked after until they are 18. Viewers leak the footage to the media and Irma’s story gains national news coverage. There is an outpour of support for Irma’s sons as several Latino families volunteer for foster care. Frank and his crew are arrested, Sapo is left with nothing and the Border Patrol is caught in a shocking scandal.

– Very interesting story, and I really like the message people caring with heart. People coming to the rescue of the boys, that they care, and that Irma’s story gains national publicity.

– I think this paragraph could also be shortened even though it has a lot of hooks in it. I put paragraph breaks where they would normally be as the story shifts (above).

– One suggestion to shorten: After ‘immediately detained” You could shorten it by continuing from there with: As minors, they are placed in a refugee facility until they become adults. It shortens the sentence a little bit. Just a suggestion.

– There were words you could shift around to shorten the sentences a bit in this paragraph. Every bit of shortening helps, of course, as long as it doesn’t compromise the story you’re telling in your query letter.

– You query letter flows well and tells the story from the beginning to the end. Nice job.

– There weren’t any confusing moments, it all was very clear reading.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi Amy,

Would you critique my query letter? I couldn’t find the ‘Partner Up here’ forum to request critiques. I could use some help shortening it but keeping important hooks in it. I’ve critiqued yours below. If for any reason something doesn’t make sense that I wrote, please feel free to contact me for clarification at jhonthego4@gmail.com.

Amy, I bolded the hooks I found with comments below, I’m sure I missed some, I’m still learning how to find them.

What would you do if you accidentally ended up a year into the future and your whole life was taken from you?

– Good and scary opening hook

Andrea Richards is an ambitious local reporter who continuously neglects her husband Josh, son Benjamin and daughter Chloe. She dreams of working for the network. On the day the town university’s new supercollider goes into operation, Andrea is there to cover the story. She accidentally gets sucked into the machine and goes traveling through time to different points in her past. When she finally pops back out of the machine, she finds herself completely alone in the science lab. Andrea soon realizes that she has landed one year into the future. She’s been missing for a whole year and Josh has become engaged to Meagan, the teaching assistant who was present on the day she got sucked into the supercollider.

– I like the character of Andrea, with this premise the film would give a lot of situations that Andrea eventually learns from.

– To make it a tad shorter maybe use: “who continuously neglects her family” as this is an overview, and trying to create as much ‘white space’ as possible is our goal. My query letter is too long too.

– Traveling through time makes an interesting story. Who didn’t love ‘back to the future’.

– My, that was fast of Josh to become engaged so quickly. Very intriguing sentence as this does bring the questions to a reader; Did he really love Andrea? Was Meagan conniving, putting the moves on Josh continually behind Andrea’s back? How did Meagan weasel her way into Josh’s life and for what reason?

Andrea attempts to rebuild her life and be a real wife to Josh and mom to Benjamin and Chloe, but she mostly fails due to being torn between them and trying to get her career back. In the meantime, she does some digging and learns that Meagan was researching time travel with the supercollider. Andrea confronts Meagan, then tries to push her in the supercollider. She fails. This angers Josh, and he asks for a divorce.

– Mostly fails is a real problem most people can relate to when it comes to attempting to balance family and work.

– Ah ha! I knew Meagan was up to no good.

On the night of Chloe’s dance recital, a fire breaks out at the science lab. Andrea is torn between covering the fire or attending Chloe’s dance recital. She starts out covering the fire and learns that the professor saw Meagan slip out of the building just before the fire. She leads the police to the dance recital where they take Meagan in for questioning. Andrea chooses to stay and watch Chloe’s dance recital, which gets her fired. This change in Andrea automatically causes her to be transported back to the science lab in 2022. She goes straight home and vows to spend more time with her family. Now she covers things like her daughter’s play which gets the attention of the network and gets her a job offer as their cultural reporter. Her dream of working for the network came true after all and she is reunited with her family.

– With the goal of keeping our queries short, the story info from:

‘She starts out covering….to which gets her fired’ is part of the story but is not needed ‘hook’ wise. One idea: “…or attending Chloe’s dance recital. Choosing the latter, Andrea is fired”.

– That’s a nice message: Do what’s in your heart and you can’t go wrong, you might even land the job of your dreams.

I have a Master’s degree in Script & Screenwriting from Regent University in Virginia Beach. Additionally, I placed as a semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family-Friendly Screenplay Contest and as a Second Rounder at AFF. Finally, I spent four years working in broadcast news.

– Very nice: Relaying your expertise and skill which is perfect for your script.

– The letter flows well.

– End hook? Taken from above is a possibilty : ‘You might even land the career of your dreams’. Just a random thought for an ending hook.

– There were no parts that were confusing. Your flow was in a nice chronological order.

If
this concept appeals to you, I’d be happy to send you the script. You can reach
me at contact@writeamy.com or
703-943-7372.

[Jodi Harrison]

Thank you for powering through it Amy, I appreciate it and your comments!

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi Amy,

Sure, that’d be great. This particular scene of mine could be polarizing and the subject matter of my script is as well, so if you are comfortable leaving a critique, it will be welcomed, if you’re not comfortable, it is okay, I totally understand.

Jodi

[Jodi Harrison]

Critique for Amy:

Really good scene! You hit all the beats and the dialogue techniques are all there; metaphors, silence at a strange time, two different conversations at the same time, countdown, contrasting dialogue, indirect prediction, implied consequences, confronting someone hiding from future consequence, writing emotionally.

Periodically (when I have extra time), I peruse submitted scenes from most of the Writers, and I want to tell you that I’ve enjoyed your sense of humor in your scenes.

Jodi Harrison

[Jodi Harrison]

Thank you Bob for your insight. You’re so right, I forgot to explain who Chloe was in the story and specifically in this scene, and I can be clearer on Pam’s telephone conversation with her. I’m glad the issue of the current children’s welfare stats of the adoption and foster system doesn’t appear like a public speech. I wanted to incorporate the important information as casually as I could. And, I think I will put more ideas of staff exhaustion and regimentation in also. I hit upon it, but didn’t expound.

I’m glad the gloom was apparent in this scene. Now, if I can find a powerful way to get to people’s hearts regarding the parentless children’s plights, bleak lives and futures….that is the insurmountable biggy of my script. I want people to really think about what will happen to these innocent mandated children which become the result, the collateral damage of the SB8 law through no fault of their own.

[Jodi Harrison]

Great job covering most all the elements in this assignment. Your scene here is very interesting, so I can imagine how ‘page turning’ the whole story is. I’ve broken down the things I saw in each assignment.

Anticipatory dialogue

indirect prediction

imply consequences

imply hopelessness

Create reputation

hiding from future consequences

A challenge issued

Suspense

A challenge

A threat

A prediction

An impending crisis

A goal at stake

A dream they have

Something valuable at stake

Resolving a major problem

Opposition to the goal

Barriers and complications arise

Hooks

Your hooks of new information led me to a deeper understanding and was delivered in a compelling, interesting, and intriguing way

Uncertainty

The hope/fear structure played throughout your scene.

The hope and fight for staying in the US and wanting to revive his acting career was strong, and the devastation that he felt when he found out that he can stay but could not ever act again created a very strong emotion. I could visually see and feel him being devastated and without hope, knowing his career will end.

Vivid Visual Description

Your words evoked images. I read a lot of action verbs making your scene intense and exciting, Can you incorporate ‘a few more’ of the other vivid visual description elements; Concrete nouns, Metaphors, Exaggeration? I know we’re supposed to use these last two lightly.

Emotional Description

It was economical and written with essence, with a couple moments of visual then internal, which made it a smooth read.

Being Bold

I can feel Janning’s fear throughout, and the ambivalence of Kershaw to end his idol’s acting career.

Job well done!

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi Bob,

Are you up for an exchange? If yes, my apologies on my scene’s formatting, it doesn’t seem to look correctly formatted through most of my scene here. I just copy and paste and don’t have a clue why it looks like this or how to fix it.

[Jodi Harrison]

Boy, is he a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but then most abusers are!

Very good scene that shows the situation very clearly.

It starts off light and funny and quickly turns grim and dark, very good!

It’s already got my interest to see how Amber gets herself and their children out of the abusive situation.

I realize Amber is shut down and in survivor mode (stay quiet and docile, and the abuse might stop soon) by this point in your script, is there anything left of her to be able to stand up to him somewhat in this scene? Could there be any more attack/counter? Abuse shuts the victim down fairly quickly, is there any boundary she can feel compelled to cross here?

I see clearly Daniel’s secret, what’s Amber’s? Could it play as subtext here? I see it a little bit with her negotiating statement of the beautiful steak, trying to appease him by using an adjective that describes outward beauty, since it seems that is all that’s important to Daniel.

I am so interested to see how Amber’s Character Arc ends up, which I know will be revealed later in your script.

An aside: Even though this scene was about Daniel, I see it very much about Amber and her life behind bars (so to speak), so I personally would love to know more on her Character profile.

Your
scene is captivating and stirs the emotions, I want to know how she gets out of
this. I know we’ll be posting more to
reveal our stories, at the end of the program, I’d love to read your completed
script.

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi Janeen,

Yes, thank you, it’d be great if you reviewed mine. I’m going to review yours right now. Back soon with feedback….

[Jodi Harrison]

Wow Jennifer,

Thank you so much for all the depth and thought you took on my script. It is definitely helpful for me to see what I typed that might not have translated or unnecessary scenes I have, moments to tighten up, characters, etc.

There are many things I didn’t include in the essence outline trying to keep it within the two (give or take) sentences, that I have in a fuller outline that I refer to (with some dialogue I want to make sure I use), but there are many questions that you raised that showed me I could improve upon some scenes and character actions. Especially my ending, I have bare-bones there, and it needs improvement.

<div>Thank you again for your fine perceptions and
feedback.</div><div>

From someone also glued to her computer 🙂 lol

</div>

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi Michelle,

I’d be interested in exchanging essence feedback. Mine is below yours. Let me know.

Thank you,

Jodi Harrison

[Jodi Harrison]

I’m very sorry Jennifer that this took so long. I’ve been on vacation for the last week and just got back today. I tried to post this during my vacation with my laptop but for some reason something wasn’t recognizing my membership on SU and it wouldn’t let me log in. Very strange! Anyway, I reached out to SU’s support team but never heard back from them about this issue. I just got home today, and now I’m able to send it from my desktop (which I’ve always used so far for this class, accept for this last week).

…onward.

I really enjoyed your outline, this is going to be a very interesting story, and I’d love to read your finished script when all of our scripts are fully developed. I have many questions below as an audience member taking a ride and being invested in your story. I know this is the bare-bones stage and not a fleshed out version.

So, here are my comments and questions:

Is this a dark comedy? It reads like it could be funny and diabolical in many ways.

Great plot choice of Rivalry for your interesting story, and I like your lead characters.

Does Jessica eventually learn from Amanda about having a moral core?, as is in your main conflict.

Your dilemma is nice and strong, it’s literally life or death, love or loss (of soul and family).

Your theme and character arc strongly supports your structure and necessary questions.

I love the ‘young philosophers think-off’, that’ll be some intriguing dialogue.

It is so sad knowing the information you shared in ‘by page 10’. At this point in your story my emotional ride and questions are invested in: My heart goes out to Jessica learning the pressure of having to be perfect in her parent’s eyes. Does the Mother grow and come to accept Jessica as being human at some point? or does she continually expect perfection throughout?

That’s funny “a southern woman never sweats’. I’ve ‘always’ said: “Women don’t sweat, we glisten” (it usually gets a chuckle). I’m interested in seeing how Jessica underhandedly gets rid of her competition.

In Ethan’s description you mention his crush on Jessica, what is one or two of Jessica’s redeeming qualities that is attractive to Ethan? At what point do we see his crush?

Why did Jessica pull back from crushing the competition at the mid-point?

Your second turning point is starting to heat up the story. I like it! Poor clueless Jessica, she’s becoming so diabolical.

I like your resolution.

Which leads me to questions:

Did she let her Mother in on her choices and actions?

Did her Mother prompt her towards these choices and actions?

Did Ms. Collins know Jessica’s actions by deducing or process of elimination?

If she did know, does she indicate that she knows, therefore we audience members can imagine what will now happen to Ms. Collins?

With this sentence you wrote: “We notice another younger student, a sophomore with a gleam in her eye, who’s been there all along looking on and wanting to follow in Jessica’s footsteps”

Does the young sophomore know what Jessica did? (is there a point that the audience sees the sophomore watching Jessica’s actions?)

Does she threaten Jessica secretly before her speech via note or otherwise (is Jessica rattled at all giving her speech?)

Does the young sophomore do something that indicates her desire to be like Jessica?

[Jodi Harrison]

Hi Jennifer,

I’d like to exchange SLW feedback with you. Mine is right above yours so we’re bringing up the rear on the SLW assignment. Let me know if you’d like to exchange feedback.

Jodi Harrison