JOEL STERN
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Lesson 15: Joel Stern’s Act 2 TP – The Midpoint Lesson
What I learned from this assignment: Come up with a game changing plot twist.
Summary: Right before Ray departs for Europe, his mission changes. Assassinate Hitler!
EXT. PLANE – NIGHT
Engines rev.
INT. PLANE – CONTINUOUS
Ray and Casey sit. Casey looks over at the pilot just to be sure he isn’t being overheard.
CASEY
There’s been a change in plans, Ray. Well, more of an addition.
RAY
Well, I’m certainly glad you waited until now to tell me.
CASEY
You’ll be contacted by one of our agents in France. He’ll have the details.
RAY
Can you give me a hint at least?
Pause.
CASEY
If you accomplish this it will end the war. We want you to kill Hitler as well.
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INT. RAY’S CABIN – NIGHT Ray’s on his cot, looks at a picture of his late mother. He clearly misses her. JOE, (28) and LOU, (30) play cards.
JOE
Want in, Ray? Lou’s about to cash in.
LOU
Oh yeah, wise guy? Says who?
Ray’s locked on the picture, in a world of his own.
LOU (to Ray)
Is that your sweetie?
RAY Huh? Oh. Yeah. She certainly was.
Rays kisses the picture, turns on his side. He looks scared. Joe checks his watch.
JOE
Jeez — it’s getting late boys.
LOU
Seven AM French class. Bon soir buddy.
Joe and Lou leave. Ray sits up, peeks out the window. They’re gone. He grabs his go bag.
INSERT: A hand drawn MAP of the grounds. He opens the door. All clear.
EXT: OSS TRAINING GROUNDS – CONTINUOUS
He’s about to hop a fence. A shot rings out, a dog barks. A military policeman shines a light right in Ray’s face. MP Down on your knees, hands behind your head, now! Ray gets down, follows his orders. He cries. RAY I… I just want to go home.
INT. CAMP COMMANDER’S OFFICE – DAY
Bull dog-face Commander CHUCK, (35) the man in the front of the bus paces past Ray who sits in the middle of the room.
CHUCK
You’ll be going to DC for a procedure, Hillman.
RAY
What kind of procedure, sir?
Chuck sits, uncomfortable with what he’s about to say.
CHUCK
As you know, Agent Z has turned. And there’s no way in hell we’re gonna stop him. That is unless we counter with someone who can see him after he jumps into someone else’s body. You’ll be given capsules that will allow you to do this. It’s experimental, son. No guarantee it’ll work. But we have no other choice.
O.S. A car idles.
RAY
And that would be me I assume, sir.
INT. OSS PLANE – DAY
Ray is on a parachute training jump. The JUMPMASTER, (40) gives him a CAPSULE. Ray swallows it, contemplates…
JUMPMASTER
Ready?
RAY
As I’ll ever be!
The jumpmaster eyes his watch. Ray’s hooked up, ready to go.
JUMPMASTER
Five…four…three…two…one… go!
Ray leaps out of the plane. The capsule kicks in. He’s hallucinating like he’s on an LSD trip. He imagines his mother and father in distorted forms.
EXT. GROUND – MOMENTS LATER
He lands awkwardly, hurts himself. Other OSS personnel rush over.
INT. DR. STENSON’S OFFICE – DAY
Days later. Donovan, Casey and Ray meet with the doctor.
DOC
What did you see after you took the capsule, Ray?
Ray shuts his eyes. I saw — images… of Mother and Father.
DOC And what was the quality of those images?
RAY I — I’m not sure.
DOC
Gentlemen — this experiment will be a one in a million crapshoot.
DONOVAN
And it’s one we have to win.
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Lesson 12
Joel Stern’s (Finished Act 1)
What I learned from this assignment: Write fast, let creative process do its thing…(not that easy!)
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
A 1930s RADIO plays Richard Wagner’s, “The Ring Cycle”.
German knick-knacks fill the room. A room that has clearly missed “a woman’s touch” for a while now.
On the coffee table the Milwaukee Journal’s HEADLINE: “Hitler’s Ultimatum to Poland”.
Through the front window neighborhood kids play football on the lawn. A BOY waves at the face in the window.
BOY
Come out Ray, we need another player! Chicken?
EXT. FRONT WINDOW – DAY
Watching is sad, sickly looking RAY, (18).
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Ray’s father ERNST, (45) enters. Stocky, bald like a butcher from the old country. He turns off the radio.
Ernst approaches Ray who snaps to attention. Their eyes meet… Ray’s EYE twitches. SMACK! Ernst slaps him but Ray doesn’t even blink.
ERNST
You should be playing ball with your friends, not inside listening to opera! You must Americanize!
RAY
Yes, father!
Ernst leaves. Ray picks up an old PICTURE of his mother. He defiantly turns on the opera, sits on the couch and opens a math textbook.
SUPER: “JULY 4, 1943”
EXT. RAY’S HOUSE – DAY
A government car waits for Ray, now 22 and Ernst to say goodbye. Stoic Ernst shakes his son’s hand.
ERNST
Goodbye son. Remember — everyday people put Hitler into power and it will take every day people to rid the world of him.
RAY
I never thought I’d ever hear you say that.
Ernst’s expression says he’s hiding a deep secret.
EXT. CAR – DUSK
An hour or so later. The car winds its way down a misty, lonely road. A depressing site. A perfect time to reflect.
INT. CAR – EVENING
Rays sad EYES stare out the window.
RAY FLASHBACK:
INT. APARTMENT – COLOGNE, GERMANY – EVENING
Simple, German middle class — just enough to get by in Hitler’s Germany.
Ray, (14) Ernst and relatives sit at the dinner table.
ERNST
It is your turn to say grace, Ray.
Ray’s uncomfortable, really doesn’t want to. It goes against his grain. Smiles, expectant faces prod him. Here goes…
RAY
Bless us, O Lord, and these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty —
O.S.: THREE, FOUR THUNDEROUS BANGS!
The front door flies open and two German soldiers (20s) enter with a vicious barking German Shepherd.
SOLDIER #1
Mach schnell! Unten auf dem Boden, ihr Judenabschaum! Hände hinter dem Kopf!
(Down on the floor you Jew scum! Fast! Hands behind your heads!)
All oblige. The dog growls, nearly chews off Ray’s arm. Soldier #2 presses the barrel of his rifle to Ernst’s temple.
ERNST
Meine Herren, da muss ein Irrtum vorliegen, wir sind keine Juden, wir sind Katholiken! Sehen Sie selbst!
(Gentlemen, there must be some mistake — we are not Jews, we are Catholics! See for yourselves!)
Ernst, sweats profusely. He points to a CROSS on the wall. The soldiers mumble to each other. The tension breaks. They realize they’re in the wrong apartment.
SOLDIER #1
Where then are the Friedman’s?
(Wo sind dann die Friedmans?)
His eyes meet Ray’s. They say “I’m sorry, but…”
ERNST
Sie… sie sind nebenan.
They… they are next door.)
Ray looks deeply disappointed.
Soldier #1 tips his helmet, leaves with Soldier #2. The door shuts. Seconds later: BANG, BANG…CRASH! They burst into the apartment next door. A shot! A woman screams…
RETURN TO SCENE:
INT. CAR – EVENING
Indistinguishable war talk on the radio. The DRIVER, (30) lowers the volume.
DRIVER
I can turn on something else if you want, Mr. Hillman.
RAY
Yes. Opera would be fine.
The driver eyes him through the mirror to see if he’s joking. Ray stares out the window.
INT. WILLIAM CASEY’S OFFICE – DAY
CASEY, (30) head of the OSS Secret Intelligence Branch in Europe interviews Ray. Looks impressed.
INSERT: Ray’s college TRANSCRIPT. Lots of good things on it. Casey’s impressed.
CASEY
A four point oh from Wisconsin. Not bad. Tell me, son… Why would a young man like yourself want to kill fellow Germans?
RAY
Hitler, sir will be the end of America as we know it and he has to be stopped.
CASEY
Married?
Rays squirms.
RAY
No, sir.
Casey notices Ray’s uneasiness.
CASEY
Ever fire a gun before?
EXT: OSS SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
A bullet misses a TARGET fifty yards away. Red FLAGS spring up.
Ray’s the shooter. He couldn’t hit the side of a barn.
POP, POP! Two BETWEEN-THE-EYES hits… By the agent next him. This man is known as “Z”, (28) a tanned, muscular, super All American type. “Z” comes over. The instructor leaves.
Z
Listening to that clown will get you killed faster than greased lightning. I’m Z.
RAY
Ray. Ray Hillman. Nice to meet you. Is that your real name?
Z
You might say that. Mind if I show you a few pointers?
RAY
Well, I’m not sure if I should take advice from anyone other than —
Z
First thing, you have to do is hold the gun like so.
Z shows him and as he speaks takes it apart and puts it back together within seconds.
Z
So. What was growing up in Granville like?
Ray’s surprised.
RAY
Are you from Milwaukee, too?
Z
Ha! C’mon, do I look like a peon?
Ray’s insulted.
Z
Malibu, California, Ray. Sun, sea, and the sweetest dolls this side of — well — Milwaukee.
Z turns his back to the target and shoots — bullseye. He hands the rifle to Ray, slaps him on the shoulder.
Z
See ‘ya later buddy.
INT. BAR – EVENING
Ray, “Z” and three tipsy fellow agents sit at a table. Ray sips seltzer, the others hard booze. Ray’s an outcast. “Z” is in the middle of a story.
Z
So, there I am whipping Bobby Riggs in straight sets and he’s calling me “sir”!
Ray strums his fingers on the table, the others whoop it up. Z notices.
Z
So Ray, what’s one of your shining moments?
Z elbows the agent next to him. All eyes focus on Ray.
RAY
Well, let’s see. Off the top of my head I’d say meeting Fritz Seitz right before he died.
Agent DAN, (32) pipes in.
DAN
Who the hell’s that?
The other’s laugh.
RAY
A famous German Romantic Era composer. Passed away in 1918.
Z
The violinist who wrote chamber music and eight student concertos. Died in 1848, if I’m not mistaken in Saxe-Coburg and Gotha from what I recall.
Z turns to RED, (40).
Z
What about you, Red?
RED
Me? Uh — winning a toy elephant at Coney Island?
All laugh, Ray politely smiles.
Z
Was that before or after you became Boston’s top safecracker?
RED
Before. Now I can afford the damn toys!
All laugh.
EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT
Time for more shooting practice for Ray. Now an occasional shot hits the target. “Z” joins him.
Z
Getting a bit better there ‘ol chap. But the Krauts are a dam lot better. Here…
Z lies prone and fires.
PLACEHOLDER FOR SHOOTING TERMINOLOGY
He hands the rifle to Ray. Through the scope: A bullseye in a target 100 yards away.
PLACE HOLDER FOR TRAINING SCENES INVOLVING RAY — HAND TO HAND COMBAT, PARACHUTE JUMPING, OBSTACLE COURSE, CLASSROOM STUFF (enemy propaganda, FRENCH, etc.), CROSS COUNTRY SKIING, RADIO COMMUNICATIONS, STEN GUNS.
SUPER: “TWO MONTHS LATER”
INT. OSS FILM ROOM
Casey sits upfront. Ray and other agents watch on screen grainy B&W footage of a MAN, (45) who turns into a GIRL (11) right before their eyes! They’re stunned.
The lights come on. Casey stands and paces.
CASEY
Your eyes didn’t deceive you, gentlemen. That man did indeed turn into a young girl. How in hell is that possible you ask? Let’s just say it’s a combination of a serum we’ve developed along with a pinch of deception. Bottom line… This procedure — if carried out correctly — has the potential to shorten the war by three years.
An AGENT, (22) stands.
AGENT
How will this procedure be applied, sir?
CASEY
That will be discussed with individuals on a need to know basis, agent. That’s all for now.
INDISCRIMINATE CHATTER.
CASEY
And gentlemen — I stress the word “correctly”. It will be the key to the missions we will undertake.
INT. OPERATING ROOM – DAY
DR. RALPH STENSON, (50) a Neurosurgeon performs surgery on “Z”. Implants a device in his brain.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Head bandaged, “Z” is sedated.
EXT. HOSPITAL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Casey and an assistant speak in hushed tones.
CASEY
If anyone could pull off killing Hitler it’s that man.
PLACE HOLDER:
Z recuperates and is given his mission: To kill Hitler and key figures in the German High Command. He leaves for Europe.
PLACE HOLDER:
“ONE MONTH LATER”
Scenes of OSS agents being arrested and killed by the Gestapo.
EXT. WASHINGTON ZOO – MORNING
Casey and WILLIAM DONOVAN, (60), head of the OSS are glum as they feed the pigeons.
CASEY
How bad is it, Bill?
DONOVAN
It’s horrific. Jensen, Hill, Crawford and Ford. Our top four. Two killed by the Gestapo. The others — no trace.
CASEY
Hm. Soon after Z arrived in France.
DONOVAN
We spent four years on this damn project and I’ll be damned if I have to go tell this to FDR. Who else do we have for this mission?
PLACE HOLDER: Ray’s becoming an expert in training.
FOOTAGE OF THE GERMANS ADVANCING THROUGH EUROPE
INT. CASEY’S OFFICE – DAY
Casey peeks through the blinds. Ray sits, braces himself for bad news.
CASEY
Your improving beyond expectations, Ray. Another month and I think you’ll be ready.
RAY
Ready for what, sir?
Casey sits, leans back.
CASEY
For the mission we send agent “Z” to achieve.
RAY
Is he not accomplishing it?
CASEY
Let’s talk about you Ray.
Casey picks up and opens Ray’s FILE. He makes a face. Ray’s uneasy. Casey holds up Ray’s resume.
CASEY
We know, Ray.
RAY
Know w-what, sir?
CASEY
We know you didn’t achieve half the things on this piece of paper.
RAY
I —
CASEY
Don’t. I’ll make you an offer.
Casey stands, paces.
CASEY
We need an agent to do what “Z” was assigned to do.
Ray looks overwhelmed.
RAY
You mean kill Hitler, sir?
Pause. Casey plants his fists on the desk, leans over to Ray.
CASEY
And “Z” as well.
RAY
With all do respect sir, I don’t think I —
Casey tosses Ray’s file across the desk.
CASEY
There’s no “no” in this scenario, son. You lied in applying to the OSS. There’ll be Federal charges against you. And that’s being optimistic. The fact is you know too much to just let you go. Read between the lines.
RAY
Do I have time to decide?
Casey glares at him. Ray paces, frantic. No way out.
CASEY
Now comes the hard part. “Z” is morphing into other people after his kills. So you’ll have to find a way to find him and kill him before he does any more damage.
Ray’s wide eyed in shock.
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Lesson 12
Joel Stern’s (Almost Finished Act 1)
What I learned from this assignment: Write fast, let creative process do its thing…(not that easy!)
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
A 1930s RADIO plays Richard Wagner’s, “The Ring Cycle”.
German knick-knacks fill the room. A room that has clearly missed “a woman’s touch” for a while now.
On the coffee table the Milwaukee Journal’s HEADLINE: “Hitler’s Ultimatum to Poland”.
Through the front window neighborhood kids play football on the lawn. A BOY waves at the face in the window.
BOY
Come out Ray, we need another player! Chicken?
EXT. FRONT WINDOW – DAY
Watching is sad, sickly looking RAY, (18).
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Ray’s father ERNST, (45) enters. Stocky, bald like a butcher from the old country. He turns off the radio.
Ernst approaches Ray who snaps to attention. Their eyes meet… Ray’s EYE twitches. SMACK! Ernst slaps him but Ray doesn’t even blink.
ERNST
You should be playing ball with your friends, not inside listening to opera! You must Americanize!
RAY
Yes, father!
Ernst leaves. Ray picks up an old PICTURE of his mother. He defiantly turns on the opera, sits on the couch and opens a math textbook.
SUPER: “JULY 4, 1943”
EXT. RAY’S HOUSE – DAY
A government car waits for Ray, now 22 and Ernst to say goodbye. Stoic Ernst shakes his son’s hand.
ERNST
Goodbye son. Remember — everyday people put Hitler into power and it will take every day people to rid the world of him.
RAY
I never thought I’d ever hear you say that.
Ernst’s expression says he’s hiding a deep secret.
EXT. CAR – DUSK
An hour or so later. The car winds its way down a misty, lonely road. A depressing site. A perfect time to reflect.
INT. CAR – EVENING
Rays sad EYES stare out the window.
RAY FLASHBACK:
INT. APARTMENT – COLOGNE, GERMANY – EVENING
Simple, German middle class — just enough to get by in Hitler’s Germany.
Ray, (14) Ernst and relatives sit at the dinner table.
ERNST
It is your turn to say grace, Ray.
Ray’s uncomfortable, really doesn’t want to. It goes against his grain. Smiles, expectant faces prod him. Here goes…
RAY
Bless us, O Lord, and these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty —
O.S.: THREE, FOUR THUNDEROUS BANGS!
The front door flies open and two German soldiers (20s) enter with a vicious barking German Shepherd.
SOLDIER #1
Unten auf dem Boden, ihr Judenabschaum! Hände hinter dem Kopf!
(Down on the floor you Jew scum! Hands behind your heads!)
All oblige. The dog growls, nearly chews off Ray’s arm. Soldier #2 presses the barrel of his rifle to Ernst’s temple.
ERNST
Meine Herren, da muss ein Irrtum vorliegen, wir sind keine Juden, wir sind Katholiken! Sehen Sie selbst!
(Gentlemen, there must be some mistake — we are not Jews, we are Catholics! See for yourselves!)
Ernst, sweats profusely. He points to a CROSS on the wall. The soldiers mumble to each other. The tension breaks. They realize they’re in the wrong apartment.
SOLDIER #1
Where then are the Friedman’s?
(Wo sind dann die Friedmans?)
His eyes meet Ray’s. They say “I’m sorry, but…”
ERNST
Sie… sie sind nebenan.
They… they are next door.)
Ray looks deeply disappointed.
Soldier #1 tips his helmet, leaves with Soldier #2. The door shuts. Seconds later: BANG, BANG…CRASH! They burst into the apartment next door. A shot! A woman screams…
RETURN TO SCENE:
INT. CAR – EVENING
Indistinguishable war talk on the radio. The DRIVER, (30) lowers the volume.
DRIVER
I can turn on something else if you want, Mr. Hillman.
RAY
Yes. Opera would be fine.
The driver eyes him through the mirror to see if he’s joking. Ray stares out the window.
INT. WILLIAM CASEY’S OFFICE – DAY
CASEY, (30) head of the OSS Secret Intelligence Branch in Europe interviews Ray.
INSERT: Ray’s college TRANSCRIPT. Lots of good things on it. Casey’s impressed.
CASEY
A four point oh from MIT. Can’t do much better than that. Tell me, son… Why would a young man like yourself want to kill fellow Germans?
RAY
Hitler, sir will be the end of America as we know it and he has to be stopped.
CASEY
Married?
Rays squirms.
RAY
No, sir.
Casey notices Ray’s uneasiness.
CASEY
Ever fire a gun before?
EXT: OSS SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
A bullet misses a TARGET fifty yards away. Red FLAGS spring up.
Ray’s the shooter. He couldn’t hit the side of a barn.
POP, POP! Two BETWEEN-THE-EYES hits… By the agent next him. This man is known as “Z”, (28) a tanned, muscular, super All American type. “Z” comes over. The instructor leaves.
Z
Listening to that clown will get you killed faster than greased lightning. I’m Z.
RAY
Ray. Ray Hillman. Nice to meet you. Is that your real name?
Z
You might say that. Mind if I show you a few pointers?
RAY
Well, I’m not sure if I should —
Z
First thing, you have to do is hold the gun like so.
Z shows him, then takes it apart and puts it back together within seconds as he speaks.
Z
So. What was growing up in Granville like?
Ray’s surprised.
RAY
Are you from Milwaukee, too?
Z
Ha! C’mon, do I look like a peon?
Ray’s deflated.
Z
Malibu, California, Ray. Sun, sea, and the sweetest dolls this side of — well — Milwaukee.
Z turns his back to the target and shoots — bullseye. He hands the rifle to Ray, slaps him on the shoulder.
Z
See ‘ya later buddy!
INT. BAR – EVENING
Ray, “Z” and three tipsy fellow agents sit at a table. Ray sips seltzer, looks like an outcast.
“Z” is in the middle of a story.
Z
So there I am whipping Bobby Riggs in straight sets and he’s calling me “sir”!
Ray strums his fingers on the table while the others whoop it up. Z takes notice.
Z
So Ray, what’s one of your shining moments?
Z elbows the agent next to him. All eyes focus on Ray.
RAY
Well, let’s see. Off the top of my head I’d say meeting Fritz Seitz right before he died.
Z
Who the hell is that?
The other’s laugh.
RAY
A famous German Romantic Era composer. Passed away in 1918.
Z fakes a lost look.
Z
A violinist who wrote chamber music and eight student concertos. Died in 1848, in Saxe-Coburg and Gotha from what I recall.
Z turns to a heavy set red headed agent.
Z
What about you, Red?
RED
Me? Uh — winning a toy elephant at Coney Island?
Z
Was that before or after you became the top safecracker on the East Coast?
All laugh but just a polite smile from Ray.
EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT
Time for more shooting practice for Ray. Now an occasional shot hits the target. “Z” joins him.
Z
Getting a bit better there ‘ol chap. But the Krauts are a dam lot better. Here…
Z lies prone and fires…
PLACEHOLDER FOR SHOOTING TERMINOLOGY
He hands the rifle to Ray. Through the scope: A bullseye in a target 100 yards away.
PLACE HOLDER FOR MORE TRAINING SCENES — HAND TO HAND COMBAT, PARACHUTE JUMPING, OBSTACLE COURSE, CLASSROOM STUFF (enemy propaganda, FRENCH, etc.), CROSS COUNTRY SKIING, RADIO COMMUNICATIONS, STEN GUNS
SUPER: “TWO MONTHS LATER”
INT. OSS FILM ROOM
Casey sits upfront. Behind him are Ray and other agents. On screen: Grainy B&W footage of a MAN, (45) who turns into a GIRL (11) right before their eyes. The agents are stunned.
The lights come on. Casey stands and paces.
CASEY
Your eyes didn’t deceive you, gentlemen. That man did indeed turn into a young girl. How in hell is that possible you ask? Let’s just say it’s a combination of a serum we’ve developed along with a pinch of deception. Bottom line… This procedure — if carried out correctly — has the potential to shorten the war by three years.
An AGENT, (22) stands.
AGENT
How will this procedure be applied, sir?
CASEY
That will be discussed with individuals on a need to know basis, agent. That’s all for now.
INDISCRIMINATE CHATTER.
CASEY
And gentlemen — I stress the word “correctly” as key to the operations we will undertake.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Head bandaged, “Z” is sedated.
EXT. HOSPITAL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Casey and an assistant speak in hushed tones.
CASEY
If anyone could pull off killing Hitler it’s that man.
PLACE HOLDER:
Z recuperates and is given his mission: To kill Hitler and key figures in the German High Command. He leaves for Europe.
PLACE HOLDER:
“ONE MONTH LATER”
Scenes of OSS agents being arrested and killed by the Gestapo.
EXT. WASHINGTON ZOO – MORNING
On a bench, Casey and WILLIAM DONOVAN, (60), head of the OSS chat while they feed crumbs to pigeons.
CASEY
How bad is it, Bill?
DONOVAN
It’s not bad. It’s horrific. Jensen, Hill, Crawford and Graham.
CASEY
Coincidentally right after Z arrived in France.
DONOVAN
Think it was him?
CASEY
Yes. And it’s a worse case scenario because he’s taking over other bodies.
DONOVAN
Is it an experiment gone horribly wrong or did he turn? We spent seven years on this damn project.
INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
Emergency meeting of OSS big wigs. The four top agents were tortured and liquidated by the Germans. Ray is told he will take the mission to kill Hitler instead. Ray refuses. The boss slams down Ray’s college transcript.: “I know you’re a fraud, Hillman!” His life is on the line. He reluctantly accepts.
But he can’t be caught because of the procedure that he underwent to give him the ability morph into other people near him.
INT. PLANE – DAY
Engines roar, the door opens. Ray’s hooked up but not ready to jump. The examiner gives him a look; “You better get this done.” Ray pisses his pants, jumps.
INT. LONDON HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Although he’s 25, Ray’s a virgin. The PROSTITUTE says she’s a company perk and assures him all is okay.
EXT. ALLEY – FRANCE – NIGHT
After a night of drinking, drunken Ray and a WOMAN, (21) have sex. She’s a Nazi spy but he doesn’t know it.
PLACEHOLDER:
Ray chases agent “J” through occupied Europe. Gets wounded but lives. Continues the chase. Ray sees “J” kill and immediately transform into other people. Ray finally kills him.
PLACE HOLDER:
SUPER: “EAST PRUSSIA, JULY 20, 1944”
Ray gets word that Hitler is nearby at Wolf’s Lair. It’s the Allies latest and best chance to assassinate him. Rays get’s him in his sights. As he’s about to pull the trigger a bomb explodes – killing several German High Command but Hitler survives.
QUICK SHOTS:
Allies win the war in Europe, occupy Berlin.
PLACEHOLDER:
Ray sorts through pictures of gold and artworks looted by the Nazi’s. “This is what is was really all about.”
SUPER: “MILWAUKEE, WI SIX MONTHS LATER”
INT. RAY’S KITCHEN
Three letters are neatly arranged on the table – Harvard, Yale, Milwaukee College. All offer Ray teaching positions. He asks his wife – the former Nazi spy – to choose. She places his hand on the Milwaukee College invite. She tells him he’ll always be a man of the people. They smile.
PLACE HOLDER:
Throughout the story Ray comes to grips with his demeanor formed largely by his strict father and adjusts his behavior.
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Lesson 10
Joel Stern’s Act 1: Inciting Incident
What I learned from this assignment: To write a powerful inciting incident.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
A 1930s RADIO plays Richard Wagner’s, “The Ring Cycle”.
German knick-knacks fill the room. On the coffee table the Milwaukee Journal’s HEADLINE: “Hitler’s Ultimatum to Poland”.
Through the front window a group of neighborhood kids play touch football on the lawn. A BOY stops, waves at the face in the window.
BOY
Come on Ray, we need another player!
EXT. FRONT WINDOW – DAY
Watching is sad, sickly looking RAY, (18).
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Ray’s father ERNST, (45) enters. Stocky, bald like a butcher from the old country. Ray snaps to attention sans salute. Ernst stops within three feet of Ray, their eyes meet… Ray’s eye twitches. SMACK! Ernst hits Ray’s face. Ray doesn’t even blink.
ERNST
You should be playing ball with your friends, not inside listening to opera! You must Americanize!
SUPER: “JULY 4, 1943”
EXT. RAY’S HOUSE – DAY
A government car waits for Ray, now 22 and Ernst to say goodbye. Stoic Ernst shakes his son’s hand.
ERNST
Goodbye son. Remember — everyday people put Hitler into power and it will take every day people to rid the world of him.
EXT. CAR – DUSK
An hour or so later. The car makes it way down a misty, lonely winding road. A depressing site and a perfect time to reflect.
INT. CAR – EVENING
Rays sad EYES stare out the window.
RAY FLASHBACK:
INT. APARTMENT – COLOGNE, GERMANY – EVENING
Simple, German middle class — just enough to get by in Hitler’s Germany.
Ray, (14) Ernst and relatives sit at the table about to have dinner.
ERNST
Son, it is your turn to say grace.
Ray’s uncomfortable, really doesn’t want to. It goes against his grain. Smiling, expecting faces prod him. Here goes…
RAY
Bless us, O Lord, and these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty —
O.S.: THREE, FOUR THUNDEROUS BANGS.
The front door flies open and two German soldiers (20s) enter with a vicious barking German Shepherd.
SOLDIER #1
Unten auf dem Boden, ihr Judenabschaum! Hände hinter dem Kopf!
(Down on the floor you Jew scum! Hands behind your heads!)
All oblige. The dog barks, growls, nearly chews off Ray’s arm. He shakes. Soldier #2 presses the barrel of his rifle to Ernst’s temple.
ERNST
Meine Herren, da muss ein Irrtum vorliegen, wir sind keine Juden, wir sind Katholiken! Sehen Sie selbst!
(Gentlemen, there must be some mistake — we are not Jews, we are Catholics! See for yourselves!)
Ernst, sweats profusely, points behind him to a CROSS on the wall. The soldiers mumble to each other. The tension breaks. They realize they’re in the wrong apartment.
SOLDIER #1
Where then are the Friedman’s?
(Wo sind dann die Friedmans?)
His eyes meet Ray’s. They say “I’m sorry, but…”
ERNST
Sie… sie sind nebenan.
They… they are next door.)
Ray looks deeply disappointed.
Soldier #1 tips his helmet, leaves with Soldier #2. The door shuts. Seconds later: BANG, BANG…CRASH! They burst into the apartment next door. A shot! A woman screams…
RETURN TO SCENE:
INT. CAR – EVENING
Indistinguishable war talk on the radio. The DRIVER, (30) lowers the volume.
DRIVER
I can turn on something else if you want.
RAY
Yes. Opera would be fine.
The driver looks at him through the mirror to see if he’s joking.
Ray stares out the window.
INT. OSS OFFICE – DAY
Ray is being interviewed. INSERT: Ray’s college TRANSCRIPT. Lots of good things on it. The interviewer is impressed.
EXT: OSS SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
A bullet misses a TARGET fifty yards away. Red FLAGS go up next to it. Shooter Ray, now 25 couldn’t hit the side of a barn ten feet away. It’s mandatory target practice and he’s failing miserably. Pop, pop, pop! Three between-the-eyes hits by the agent next him. This man is known as “J”, (40) super All American type. He introduces himself to Ray, tells him about his privileged upbringing – upper class background, a Harvard grad. His mannerisms show it.
INT. BAR – EVENING
Ray, “J” and three tipsy fellow agents sit at a table. Ray refuses a beer, asks for soda instead. “J” recalls beating tennis star Bobby Riggs in a match but Ray isn’t impressed. “Something’s not right with this guy,” “J” tells the others. Ray doesn’t fit in well – an outcast.
EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT
Ray’s getting extra work in. “J” approaches, gives him helpful shooting tips.
EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Through a scope: A target 100 yards away. Bullseye! Ray’s getting to be an expert marksman.
INT. OSS FILM ROOM
OSS boss, Ray and other agents watch film of an experiment where a man turns into another man. Boss says this procedure that will transform “J” into another person in order for him to elude capture after killing Hitler.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Head bandaged, “J” has just been operated on and is asleep. Top OSS brass talk about the operation and that it’s a success. It could be big boost to war effort.
SERIES OF QUICK SHOTS:
Scenes of OSS agents being arrested by the Gestapo.
INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
Emergency meeting of big wigs. The four top agents were tortured and liquidated by the Germans. “J” is told he will take the mission to kill Hitler instead. Ray refuses. The boss slams down Ray’s college transcript.: “I know you’re a fraud, Hillman!” His life is on the line. He reluctantly accepts.
INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
A few months later. Boss gets word that “J” is now assassinating important Allied officials instead of key Nazi’s. But he can’t be caught because of the procedure that he underwent to give him the ability morph into other people near him.
INT. PLANE – DAY
Engines roar, the door opens. Ray’s hooked up but not ready to jump. The examiner gives him a look; “You better get this done.” Ray pisses his pants, jumps.
INT. LONDON HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Although he’s 25, Ray’s a virgin. The PROSTITUTE says she’s a company perk and assures him all is okay.
EXT. ALLEY – FRANCE – NIGHT
After a night of drinking, drunken Ray and a WOMAN, (21) have sex. She’s a Nazi spy but he doesn’t know it.
PLACEHOLDER:
Ray chases agent “J” through occupied Europe. Gets wounded but lives. Continues the chase. Ray sees “J” kill and immediately transform into other people. Ray finally kills him.
PLACE HOLDER:
SUPER: “EAST PRUSSIA, JULY 20, 1944”
Ray gets word that Hitler is nearby at Wolf’s Lair. It’s the Allies latest and best chance to assassinate him. Rays get’s him in his sights. As he’s about to pull the trigger a bomb explodes – killing several German High Command but Hitler survives.
QUICK SHOTS:
Allies win the war in Europe, occupy Berlin.
PLACEHOLDER:
Ray sorts through pictures of gold and artworks looted by the Nazi’s. “This is what is was really all about.”
SUPER: “MILWAUKEE, WI SIX MONTHS LATER”
INT. RAY’S KITCHEN
Three letters are neatly arranged on the table – Harvard, Yale, Milwaukee College. All offer Ray teaching positions. He asks his wife – the former Nazi spy – to choose. She places his hand on the Milwaukee College invite. She tells him he’ll always be a man of the people. They smile.
PLACE HOLDER:
Throughout the story Ray comes to grips with his demeanor formed largely by his strict father and adjusts his behavior.
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Lesson 9
Joel Stern’s Act 1: Opening Scenes
What I learned from this assignment: Writing a strong opening scene and introducing two main characters.
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
A 1930s RADIO plays Richard Wagner’s, “The Ring Cycle”.
German knick-knacks fill the room. On the coffee table the Milwaukee Journal’s HEADLINE: “Hitler’s Ultimatum to Poland”.
Through the front window a group of neighborhood kids play touch football on the lawn. A BOY stops, waves at the window.
BOY
Come on Ray, we need another player!
EXT. FRONT WINDOW – DAY
Watching with a painful look is pale, thin RAY, (18).
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Ray’s father ERNST, (50) enters. Stocky and bald like a butcher from the old country. Ray snaps to attention sans salute. Ernst stops within three feet of Ray, their eyes meet… Ray’s eye twitches. SMACK! Ernst hits Ray’s face. Ray doesn’t even blink.
ERNST
You should be playing ball with your friends, not inside listening to opera! You must Americanize!
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Lesson 8
Joel Stern’s Beat Sheet Part 2
What I learned from this assignment: Incorporating the theme of the story and adding a strong antagonist into it.
PASS 1:
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
O.S.: OPERA PLAYS
A Milwaukee NEWSPAPER on the bureau:
It’s 1937. Assorted knick-knacks tell us this is a German-American
household. Athletic RAY, (18) stands at attention. SMACK! A hand
slaps his face but he doesn’t flinch. The slapper is his
disciplinarian father and widower ERNST, (50) who tells Ray to play
ball with friends instead of listening to opera – he must
Americanize.SUPER: “JULY 4, 1943”
EXT. RAY’S HOUSE – DAY
A government car waits for Ray and
Ernst to say goodbye. Stoic Ernst shakes his son’s hand, tells him
every day people put Hitler into power and it will take everyday
people like him to get rid of Hitler and make America and Germany
proud.INT. OSS OFFICE – DAY
Ray is being interviewed. INSERT: Ray’s
college TRANSCRIPT. Lots of good things on it. The interviewer is
impressed.EXT: OSS SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
A bullet misses a TARGET fifty yards
away. Red FLAGS go up next to it. Shooter Ray, now 25 couldn’t hit
the side of a barn ten feet away. It’s mandatory target practice and
he’s failing miserably. Pop, pop, pop! Three between-the-eyes hits by
the agent next him. This man is known as “J”, (40). He introduces
himself to Ray. Tells Ray he’s from upper class background and his
mannerisms show it.INT. BAR – EVENING
Ray, “J” and three tipsy fellow
agents sit at the bar. Ray refuses a beer, asks for juice instead.
“Something’s not right with this guy,” agent “J” tells the
others. Ray doesn’t fit in well – an outcast but he must reach OSS
standards real soon.EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT
Ray’s getting extra work in. “J”
approaches, gives him helpful shooting tips.EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Through a scope: A target 100 yards
away. Bullseye! Ray’s getting to be an expert marksman.INT. OSS FILM ROOM
OSS boss, Ray and other agents watch
film of an experiment where a man turns into another man. This
procedure that will transform “J” into another person in order
for him to elude capture after killing Hitler.INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
“J” has just been operated on and
is asleep. Top OSS brass talk about the operation and that it’s a
success. It could be big boost to war effort.SERIES OF QUICK SHOTS:
A few scenes of OSS agents being
arrested by the Gestapo.INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
Emergency meeting of big wigs. The four
top agents were tortured and liquidated by the Germans. “J” is
told he will take the mission to kill Hitler instead. Ray refuses.
The boss slams down Ray’s college transcript. “You’re a fraud,
Hillman!” His life is on the line. He reluctantly accepts.INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
A few months later. Boss gets word that
“J” is now assassinating important Allied officials instead of
key Nazi’s. But he can’t be caught because of the procedure that he
underwent to give him the ability morph into other people near him.INT. PLANE – DAY
Engines roar, the door opens. Ray’s
hooked up but not ready to jump. The examiner gives him a look; “You
better get this done.” Ray pisses his pants, jumps.INT. LONDON HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Although he’s 25, Ray’s a virgin. The
PROSTITUTE says she’s a company perk and assures him all is okay.EXT. ALLEY – FRANCE – NIGHT
Ray and a WOMAN, (21) have sex. She’s a
Nazi spy but he doesn’t know it.PLACEHOLDER:
Ray chases agent “J” through
occupied Europe. Ray sees “J” kill and immediately transform into
other people. “J” eludes Ray who finally kills him.PLACE HOLDER:
SUPER: “EAST PRUSSIA, JULY 20, 1944”
Ray gets word that Hitler is nearby at
Wolf’s Lair. It’s the Allies best chance to assassinate him. Rays
get’s him in his sights. As he’s about to pull the trigger a bomb
explodes – killing several German High Command but Hitler survives.QUICK SHOTS:
Allies win the war in Europe, occupy
Berlin.SUPER: “MILWAUKEE, WI SIX MONTHS
LATER”INT. RAY’S KITCHEN
Three letters are neatly arranged on
the table – Harvard, Yale, Milwaukee College. All offer Ray
teaching positions. He asks his wife – the former Nazi spy – to
choose. She places his hand on the Milwaukee College invite. She
tells him he’ll always be a man of the people. They smile.PLACE HOLDER:
Throughout the story Ray comes to grips
with his demeanor formed largely by his strict father and adjusts his
behavior.PASS 2:
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
O.S.: OPERA PLAYS ON RADIO
A Milwaukee NEWSPAPER on the bureau
tells us it’s 1937. German knick-knacks fill the room. Athletic RAY,
(18) stands at attention. SMACK! A hand slaps his face but he doesn’t
flinch. The slapper is his disciplinarian father and widower ERNST,
(50) who tells Ray to play ball with friends instead of listening to
opera – he must Americanize.SUPER: “JULY 4, 1943”
EXT. RAY’S HOUSE – DAY
A government car waits for Ray and
Ernst to say goodbye. Stoic Ernst shakes his son’s hand, tells him
every day people put Hitler into power and it will take everyday
people like him to get rid of Hitler and make America and Germany
proud.INT. OSS OFFICE – DAY
Ray is being interviewed. INSERT: Ray’s
college TRANSCRIPT. Lots of good things on it. The interviewer is
impressed.EXT: OSS SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
A bullet misses a TARGET fifty yards
away. Red FLAGS go up next to it. Shooter Ray, now 25 couldn’t hit
the side of a barn ten feet away. It’s mandatory target practice and
he’s failing miserably. Pop, pop, pop! Three between-the-eyes hits by
the agent next him. This man is known as “J”, (40) super All
American type. He introduces himself to Ray, tells him about his
privileged upbringing – upper class background, a Harvard grad. His
mannerisms show it.INT. BAR – EVENING
Ray, “J” and three tipsy fellow
agents sit at a table. Ray refuses a beer, asks for soda instead. “J”
recalls beating tennis star Bobby Riggs in a match but Ray isn’t
impressed. “Something’s not right with this guy,” “J” tells
the others. Ray doesn’t fit in well – an outcast.EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – NIGHT
Ray’s getting extra work in. “J”
approaches, gives him helpful shooting tips.EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Through a scope: A target 100 yards
away. Bullseye! Ray’s getting to be an expert marksman.INT. OSS FILM ROOM
OSS boss, Ray and other agents watch
film of an experiment where a man turns into another man. Boss says
this procedure that will transform “J” into another person in
order for him to elude capture after killing Hitler.INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Head bandaged, “J” has just been
operated on and is asleep. Top OSS brass talk about the operation and
that it’s a success. It could be big boost to war effort.SERIES OF QUICK SHOTS:
Scenes of OSS agents being arrested by
the Gestapo.INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
Emergency meeting of big wigs. The four
top agents were tortured and liquidated by the Germans. “J” is
told he will take the mission to kill Hitler instead. Ray refuses.
The boss slams down Ray’s college transcript.: “I know you’re a
fraud, Hillman!” His life is on the line. He reluctantly accepts.INT. OSS BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
A few months later. Boss gets word that
“J” is now assassinating important Allied officials instead of
key Nazi’s. But he can’t be caught because of the procedure that he
underwent to give him the ability morph into other people near him.INT. PLANE – DAY
Engines roar, the door opens. Ray’s
hooked up but not ready to jump. The examiner gives him a look; “You
better get this done.” Ray pisses his pants, jumps.INT. LONDON HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Although he’s 25, Ray’s a virgin. The
PROSTITUTE says she’s a company perk and assures him all is okay.EXT. ALLEY – FRANCE – NIGHT
After a night of drinking, drunken Ray
and a WOMAN, (21) have sex. She’s a Nazi spy but he doesn’t know it.PLACEHOLDER:
Ray chases agent “J” through
occupied Europe. Gets wounded but lives. Continues the chase. Ray
sees “J” kill and immediately transform into other people. Ray
finally kills him.PLACE HOLDER:
SUPER: “EAST PRUSSIA, JULY 20, 1944”
Ray gets word that Hitler is nearby at
Wolf’s Lair. It’s the Allies latest and best chance to assassinate
him. Rays get’s him in his sights. As he’s about to pull the trigger
a bomb explodes – killing several German High Command but Hitler
survives.QUICK SHOTS:
Allies win the war in Europe, occupy
Berlin.PLACEHOLDER:
Ray sorts through pictures of gold and
artworks looted by the Nazi’s. “This is what is was really all
about.”SUPER: “MILWAUKEE, WI SIX MONTHS
LATER”INT. RAY’S KITCHEN
Three letters are neatly arranged on
the table – Harvard, Yale, Milwaukee College. All offer Ray
teaching positions. He asks his wife – the former Nazi spy – to
choose. She places his hand on the Milwaukee College invite. She
tells him he’ll always be a man of the people. They smile.PLACE HOLDER:
Throughout the story Ray comes to grips
with his demeanor formed largely by his strict father and adjusts his
behavior. -
Lesson 7 Joel Stern Beat Sheet and High Speed Writing
What I Learned From This Assignment: To write fast; what a Beat Sheet is; Focusing on Transformational Events.
Pass 1:
Act 1: Opening: Opera plays on a 1930’s radio in an upscale living room. A Milwaukee newspaper on the bureau reveals the date: 1937. A boy (18) stands at attention. SMACK! A hand slaps his face but the boy doesn’t flinch. The man who slapped young Ray is his German disciplinarian father Ernst who tells him to play baseball with his friends instead of being a shut in. Being American is vital for us he says.
TE 1
Old Ways: Ray tries to learn the ropes in the OSS but he’s a poor shot and socially awkward. He doesn’t fit in well with the others – an outcast. Must reach OSS standards quickly.
New Ways: Endless lonely hours at the shooting range. No social life, no friends. But it pays off as Ray is now a crack shot.
Inciting Incident: The unexpected deaths of top OSS agents forces the OSS into pressuring Ray – a rookie agent – to be the one to assassinate agent “J” and Adolph Hitler.
TE2
Old Ways: Ray is deathly afraid of heights but he must parachute into Nazi Germany.
New Ways: He fights his fear and forces himself to parachute train.
Inciting Incident: A must skill for him to excel at in order to fulfill his mission or he’s at risk at losing everything.
TE3
Old Ways: Although in his 30s, Ray is a virgin.
New Ways: The OSS solves the issue with a date for Ray.
Inciting Incident: Ray’s refusal to socialize with fellow agents leads them to the realization that Ray was never with a woman. His mission requires it.
TE4
Old Ways: Ray falsified his college transcript.
New Ways: Ray makes up for it by becoming a professor at wars end donating his yearly salary to charities.
Inciting Incident: Having OSS discover this.
TE5
Old Ways: Ray’s personality – joyless due to his father’s strict upbringing.
New Ways: Throughout his story he comes to grips with this and adjusts his behavior.
Inciting Incident: During final training parachute jump it all makes sense.
PASS 2:
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
O.S.: OPERA PLAYS
A Milwaukee NEWSPAPER on the bureau reveals the date: 1937.
A BOY, (18) stands at attention. SMACK! A hand slaps his face but he doesn’t flinch. The slapper is his disciplinarian FATHER, (50).
EXT: OSS SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
A bullet misses a TARGET fifty yards away. Red FLAGS go up next to it. Shooter RAY, (25) the slapped boy couldn’t hit the side of a barn if it was right in front of him. It’s mandatory target practice and Ray’s failing miserably.
INT. BAR – EVENING
Ray and three other agents sit at the bar. Ray refuses a beer and asks for juice instead. “Something’s not right with this guy.” He doesn’t fit in well with the others – an outcast. Must reach OSS standards quickly.
EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Through a scope: A target 100 yards away. Bullseye! Ray’s now an expert marksman.
Inciting Incident: The unexpected deaths of top OSS agents forces the OSS into pressuring Ray – a rookie agent – to be the one to assassinate agent “J” and Adolph Hitler.
INT. PLANE – DAY
Engines roar, the door is open. Ray’s hooked up but not ready to jump. The examiner give him a look as if to say, “You better get this done!” Ray pisses his pants, and jumps.
Inciting Incident: A must skill for him to excel at in order to fulfill his mission or he’s at risk at losing everything.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Although he’s 25, Ray’s a virgin. The PROSTITUTE assures him all is okay.
Inciting Incident: Ray’s refusal to socialize with fellow agents leads them to the realization that Ray was never with a woman. His mission requires it.
EXT. ALLEY – GERMANY – NIGHT
Ray and a WOMAN, (21) have sex. She’s a Nazi spy but he doesn’t know it.
INT. OSS BOSS’S OFFICE – DAY
The boss slams down Ray’s college transcript. “You’re a fraud, Hillman!”
INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY
The war is over. Ray’s a Harvard professor teaching World History, donates his salary to charity.
PLACE HOLDER:
Throughout the story Ray comes to grips with his demeanor formed largely by his strict father and adjusts his behavior.
PASS 3:
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
O.S.: OPERA PLAYS
A Milwaukee NEWSPAPER on the bureau reveals the date: 1937. Assorted knick-knacks tell us this is a German-American household. Athletic looking RAY, (18) stands at attention. SMACK! A hand slaps his face but he doesn’t flinch. The slapper is his disciplinarian father and widower ERNST, (50).
EXT. RAY’S HOUSE – DAY
A black government-type car and it’s driver wait for Ray and Ernst to say goodbye. Stoic Ernst shakes his son’s hand and tells him to help make both America and Germany proud. Ray shows no emotion.
EXT: OSS SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
A bullet misses a TARGET fifty yards away. Red FLAGS go up next to it. Shooter RAY, (25) the slapped boy couldn’t hit the side of a barn if it was right in front of him. It’s mandatory target practice and he’s failing miserably.
INT. BAR – EVENING
Ray and three tipsy agents sit at the bar. Ray refuses a beer, asks for juice instead. “Something’s not right with this guy.” He doesn’t fit in well – an outcast. Must reach OSS standards quickly.
EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Through a scope: A target 100 yards away. Bullseye! Ray’s now an expert marksman.
Inciting Incident: The unexpected deaths of top OSS agents forces the OSS into pressuring Ray – a rookie agent – to be the one to assassinate agent “J” and Adolph Hitler.
INT. PLANE – DAY
Engines roar, the door is open. Ray’s hooked up but not ready to jump. The examiner gives him a look as if to say, “You better get this done!” Ray pisses his pants, jumps.
Inciting Incident: A must skill for him to excel at in order to fulfill his mission or he’s at risk at losing everything.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Although he’s 25, Ray’s a virgin. The PROSTITUTE assures him all is okay.
Inciting Incident: Ray’s refusal to socialize with fellow agents leads them to the realization that Ray was never with a woman. His mission requires it.
EXT. ALLEY – GERMANY – NIGHT
Ray and a WOMAN, (21) have sex. She’s a Nazi spy but he doesn’t know yet.
INT. OSS BOSS’S OFFICE – DAY
The boss slams down Ray’s college transcript. “You’re a fraud, Hillman!”
INT. LECTURE HALL – DAY
The war is over. Ray’s a Harvard professor teaching World History, donates his salary to charity.
PLACE HOLDER:
Throughout the story Ray comes to grips with his demeanor formed largely by his strict father and adjusts his behavior.
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Lesson 6
Joel Stern Transformational Events
30 Day Script
Joel Stern
Concept: It’s 1942 and the war in Europe is in its third year. A veteran OSS assassin – with the ability to transform himself into others – is on a mission to kill Hitler, but he’s killing key European Allied figures instead. Agent Ray Hillman is chosen to stop him.
Main Conflict: A shortage of qualified OSS personnel forces the agency to send Agent Hillman – a recent recruit – to eliminate rogue Agent “J”.
Old Ways: Hillman is learning the ropes in the OSS. A poor shot and socially awkward, he doesn’t fit in well with the others – an outcast.
New Ways: After being rushed into training for a mission that could change the course of history, Hillman is now a crack shot and is highly capable physically to carry out the mission. But is he ready mentally?
Act 1:
Opening: Opera plays on a 1930’s radio in an upscale living room. A Milwaukee newspaper on the bureau reveals the date: 1937. A boy (18) stands at attention. SMACK! A hand slaps his face but the boy doesn’t flinch. The man who slapped young Ray is his German disciplinarian father Ernst who tells him to play baseball with his friends instead of being a shut in. Being American is vital for us he says. Ray joins the OSS.
Inciting Incident: Emergency circumstances force the OSS into pressuring Ray – a rookie agent – to be the one to assassinate Adolph Hitler.
Turning Point: For love of country, Ray reluctantly accepts the assignment.
Act 2:
New plan: Ray must endure the physical and emotional training in the preparation for his assignment.
Plan in action: Endurance training, parachute jumping, shooting practice – grueling actions but it’s taking its toll on him. On the verge of resigning.
Midpoint Turning Point: The OSS discovers that Ray’s college transcript was forged. He’s not the top candidate they thought. Ray is questioned but he knows too much. If he decides to quit he would be killed.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Ray decides to go through with the mission.
New plan: Work harder. Be the best and just do it.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Ray’s father dies and he has a nervous breakdown while in the air parachute training. The Germans are occupying all of France and making gains in Europe. Rogue Agent “J” just killed a top FFI commander and remains on the loose. The OSS needs to make a decision: will Ray recover or will they be forced to eliminate him and train someone else? Ray sorts out his mental issues, recovers and is on his way to Europe.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ray finds “J” moments after “J” kills another key Allied figure. “J” morphs into someone else and disappears into a crowd. The chase is on. Ray has a hunch and tracks down someone he thinks will be “J”s next victim.
Resolution: He’s right – Ray and “J” have a wild chase and Ray finally kills him. Now it’s time to kill Hitler. Ray has him in his scope. As he’s about to pull the trigger a bomb goes off killing several German officers, but Hitler escapes.
It’s twenty five years later. Ray, a history professor at Harvard has just won the Nobel Peace Prize. And the German spy he encountered during his assassination mission is his beloved wife.
1) Old Way: Ray’s strict father Ernst, who he feared and hated dies suddenly. Ernst’s heavy handed approach to child rearing had a deeply negative effect.
New Way: Ray slowly unwinds his father’s life helping him to better cope with his life.
2) Old Way: Ray began his OSS career as the lowest ranked marksman.
New Way: He spends countless hours on his own time practicing and improving to the point of being an expert.
3) Old Way: Deathly afraid of heights.
New Way: Overcomes his fear through repeated parachute jump training.
4) Old Way: Ray has never been with a woman
New Way: While planning Hitler’s assassination, Ray falls in love with a woman (but doesn’t realize is a German spy).
5) Old Way: Faked his college transcript to get into OSS.
New Way: Makes good on his mistake and graduates with honors.
6) Old Way: Super patriot
New Way: His journey ends as a Nobel Peace Prize winner and history professor at Harvard.
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Lesson 5
30 Day Script
Joel Stern
Concept: It’s 1942 and the war in
Europe is in its third year. A veteran OSS assassin – with the
ability to transform himself into others – is on a mission to kill
Hitler, but he is killing key European Allied figures instead and
Agent Ray Hillman is chosen to stop him.Main Conflict: A shortage of qualified
OSS personnel forces the agency to send Agent Hillman – a recent
recruit – to eliminate rogue Agent “J”.Old Ways: Hillman is learning the ropes
in the OSS. A poor shot and socially awkward, he doesn’t fit in well
with the others – an outcast.New Ways: After being rushed into
training for a mission that could change the course of history,
Hillman is now a crack shot and is highly capable physically to carry
out the mission. But is he ready mentally?Act 1:
Opening: Opera plays on a 1930’s radio in an upscale living room.
A Milwaukee newspaper on the bureau reveals the date: 1937. A boy
(18) stands at attention. SMACK! A hand slaps his face but the boy
doesn’t flinch. The man who slapped young Ray is his German
disciplinarian father Ernst who tells him to play baseball with his
friends instead of being a shut in. Being American is vital for us
he says. Ray joins the OSS.Inciting Incident: Emergency circumstances force the OSS into
pressuring Ray – a rookie agent – to be the one to assassinate
Adolph Hitler.Turning Point: For love of country, Ray reluctantly accepts the
assignment.Act 2:
New plan: Ray must endure the physical and emotional training in
the preparation for his assignment.Plan in action: Endurance training, parachute jumping, shooting
practice – grueling actions but it’s taking its toll on him. On
the verge of resigning.Midpoint Turning Point: The OSS discovers that Ray’s college
transcript was forged. He’s not the top candidate they thought. Ray
is questioned but he knows too much. If he decides to quit he would
be killed.Act 3:
Rethink everything: Ray decides to go through with the mission.
New plan: Work harder. Be the best and just do it.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Ray has a nervous
breakdown as the Germans are occupying all of France and making
gains in Europe. Rogue Agent “J” just killed a top French
Underground commander and remains on the loose. The OSS needs to
make a decision: will Ray recover or will they be forced to
eliminate him and train someone else? Ray sorts out his mental
issues, recovers and is on his way to Europe.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ray finds “J”
moments after “J” kills another key Allied figure. “J”
morphs into someone else and disappears into a crowd. The chase is
on. Ray has a hunch and tracks down someone he thinks will be “J”s
next victim.Resolution: He’s right – Ray and “J” have a wild chase and
Ray finally kills him. Now it’s time to kill Hitler. Ray has Hitler
in his scope. As he’s about to pull the trigger a bomb goes off
killing several German officers, but Hitler escapes. -
Lesson 4: Character Interviews
Lead Character Profile of Protagonist Ray Hillmore.
Role in the story: OSS agent
reluctantly chosen to track down and kill a rogue OSS agent who was
sent on a mission to assassinate Hitler.Age range: 30’s, on the outside, a
clean cut “All American” with German heritage.Protagonist Internal Journey: Faked his
way to the top of his college class at Ivy League school. Out to
proves his worth.External Journey: Not sure.
Motivation: Patriotism, strongly
anti-Hitler, revenge.Wound: Father thought he was weak.
Mission/Agenda: To find and kill chosen
to track down and kill a rogue OSS agent who morphs into different
characters and is assassinating key Allied diplomats and agents.Secret/What makes them special: The
rogue agent is morphing into other people and so far it’s impossible
to find him – a result of an OSS experiment gone horribly wrong.Q: Tell me about yourself:
A: I was brought up in a strict
Catholic household. My parents Ernst and Hilda were German immigrants
who came to America at the turn of the century and settled in
Milwaukee. I have two brothers and had one sister. Ellie died during
the Spanish Flu epidemic in 1918 when she was nine. My parents were
stoic when she passed and rarely spoke of her from then on.My eldest brother Max is 37, three
years older than I. He works as a tailor in a shop that he owns. His
wife Johanna stays home with their three children Willi, Hans and
Hermann. My youngest brother is Emil, 29. He is a cripple and is in a
health facility in outer Milwaukee. Emil was born with a learning
deficit and father thought it would be best to have him cared for by
professionals.Father owns a small drug store. He and
mother work six days a week. They are quite religious and attended
church every Sunday.Q: Having to do with this journey, what
are your strengths and weaknesses?A: I believe my greatest strength is my
dedication to my work and country. That is why I joined the OSS. I
have much to learn but I believe one day I will do something
extraordinary to help extinguish the evil that is now spreading
throughout Europe.As far as my weakness, I often find it
hard to be “One of the boys”. Some of my work associates like to
drink and sometimes chase women in their spare time but I would
honestly rather listen to a fine opera. My deepest fear is that my
superiors will discover that some of my college records were
falsified. I am also not a great shot with a pistol.Q: Why are you committed to making the
Protagonist fail?A: The rogue agent “J” is man who
was sent on a mission to kill Adolf Hitler. For a reason not known at
the moment, “J” lost his way and is now killing key Allied
officials in high places. The biggest challenge for me is to find
him. He apparently takes the form of different individuals prior to
his killings – and I don’t mean he does so in a disguise – from
what we know he… actually becomes different individuals in the
flesh.Q: What do you get out of winning this
fight/succeeding in your plan /taking down your competition?A: America and the free world wins if I
succeed in eliminating “J”. It is quite apparent what will happen
if the maniac now ruling over Germany, Czechoslovakia and Austria
remains unhindered. On a personal level I will prove my worth to
family and work associates.Q: What drives you toward your
mission/agenda even in the face of danger, ruin or death?A: Much of that I just answered, but I
will say that I fear death as much as anyone else would. But that
feeling must be put aside to accomplish the mission I am about to
take part. On a more personal note, I need to prove my worth as I was
the last choice for this mission.Q: What secrets must you keep to
succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear/insecurity?A: My biggest secret is something that
will die with me – I have never been with a woman. My other fear is
that if – no when I find “J” I will carry out my mission
successfully and not choke.Q: Compared to other people like you,
what makes you special?A: Oddly, I believe my pristine
lifestyle sets me apart from my coworkers. And I think it will help
keep me focused on my mission.Antagonist “J”
Q: Tell me about yourself.
A: You seem to have caught me on a good
day – my mind is clear. Unfortunately that hasn’t been the case
recently. I am the top assassin in the OSS and have been so for the
past nine years. I’ve killed seventeen men and three women.I will not reveal my true name but I am
known as “J”. I was adopted when I was five and grew up in a
small town in North Dakota.Q: Having to do with this journey, what
are your strengths and weaknesses?A: My strength? Achieving my mission. I
have never failed. I have no weaknesses.Q: Why are you committed to making OSS
agent Ray Hillmore fail?A: I’m not quite sure I understand your
question. We work together. We’re on the same team so to speak.Q: What do you get from winning this
fight/succeeding in your plan/taking down your competition?A: The only thing I get is the
satisfaction that I fulfilled my obligation. In this particular case
eliminating… you must bear with me… (foggy) I’ve not been well of
late.. yes my obligation to my nation’s best interests.Q: What drives you toward your
mission/agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin or death?A: I consider myself a great patriot.
The fear of death is not in my vocabulary.Q: What secrets must you keep to
succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear/insecurity?A: My greatest secret is the ability to
invade the body of another – whether it be man, woman or child –
in order to evade capture following the completion of my mission.Q: Compared to other people like you,
what makes you special?A: I believe the same answer will
suffice.Q: What do you think of?
A: I think of defeating Nazi Germany
and it’s insane leader.Q: Tell me you side of this whole
conflict/storyA: I was chosen by the OSS to
assassinate Adolf Hitler. An honor indeed. When I arrived in Berlin a
change came over me – like the turning on of a light – and it
made complete sense to me that it was Allied higher ups and not
Hitler who I had to eliminate. But the truly odd thing is that I
physically become someone else moments after I kill. It lasts an hour
or so and then I’m back to being me. You might say it’s the greatest
disguise in creation. Now… if you will excuse me. -
Transformational Journey
Hi, I’m Joel Stern.
This will be my sixth screenplay — my second — “Word Games” was a Finalist at the Cannes Screenplay Competition in 2016 and September Winner at the Toronto Horror/Thriller screenwriting competition (2017).
I took part in Writing Incredible Movies” last year and found it very helpful!
My new script:
It’s
1939 and war is about to break out in Europe. An OSS created assassin
– with the ability to transform himself into others – is on a
mission to kill Hitler but instead is killing key European Allied
figures and Agent Ray Hillman is chosen to stop him.Hero:
Agent Ray HillmanInternal
Journey: From War Isolationist to War SupporterExternal
Journey: Not clear yetOld
Ways: Not clear yetNew
Ways: Not clear yet</font></font></font> -
Joel Stern
I agree to the terms of this release form.
-
I know I’m way behind but I’m still with you.
I’ve been applying all the WIM lessons for “Death Voice” and two other scripts I wrote for a few competitions.
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WIM Joel Stern Project and Marketing
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).
What I learned from this assignment: The basic requirements needed to market my work successfully.
Thriller: “Death Voice”
Concept: A decorated WWII hero with a dark wartime past returns home only to face a series of personal horrors that rival anything he experienced fighting in Europe.
As the world around him crumbles, Jim “Ace” McCarthy is a protagonist movie goers will sympathize with.
As of now, I’d target managers first. Marketing isn’t my strong point and I’ve always assumed I’d benefit from their expertise.
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Hi Everyone,
I know I’m running late but I’m ready to exchange scripts.
My story is the thriller (with hints of Hitchcock) called, “Death Voice”.
Jim McCarthy, a young decorated WWII hero with a dark war past, returns to civilian life in his Las Vegas hometown with aspirations of becoming the next Edward R. Murrow. But he soon faces challenges that rival what he faced in war-torn Europe.
I can be reached at: puckvoice@yahoo.com.
I look forward to reading your script!
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Joel Stern is a Proof Reading Star!
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one. Aim high!).
What I learned from this lesson: Various methods to make sure descriptions are short and to the point and ways to eliminate typos and redundant words.
I found perhaps 15-20 errors. They popped up just when I thought they were gone!
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Joel Stern’s Wordsmithing!
WIM Module 9 Lesson 2
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at lead one).
What I learned from this assignment: To find more descriptive words to describe an action and to eliminate the overuse of various punctuations.
Script: “Death Voice”. Thriller.
I use Final Draft 12 but couldn’t find a way to find repetitive verbs and nouns.
I went through my entire script, which takes time since it’s basically a rewrite.
I found look many more times than I wanted to. I replaced “looks” with two or three other words (glances, peeks over at), etc.
I did make many changes eliminating several exclamation points, ellipses and dashes as well as parentheticals. This lesson showed me the importance of setting up an actors actions through the circumstances of the scene itself and not “directing”. I found it to be a thin line between having words that show a character’s emotion and backing off a bit to let an actor do his/her own thing.
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WIM Module 9 Lesson 1
“Death Voice”
Genre: Thriller
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).
What I learned from this assignment: To keep descriptions short and to the point.
I have been aware of this, so I normally keep my description to two lines or less. But I have shortened a few. I’ve listed a few in this scene.
Protagonist Jim “Ace” McCarthy, a decorated WWII veteran always wanted to follow in the steps of newscaster Edward R. Murrow. And now he has a shot. Shortly after returning from the war, Jim gets a Crime Reporters position with a TV station in his hometown of Las Vegas.
But tragedy soon follows his return when his wife Jane suddenly dies and he’s left to raise his Polio-stricken son Steven all by himself. Pressure, bills and a serious casino gambling debt has him in a vice. He’s now getting never ending life-threatening phone calls from a mystery man who calls himself, “Sal”. Sal gives Jim ten days to pay up or he’ll kill Steven.
What’s real and what’s an illusion? Jim can’t tell.
In this scene, Casey — Jim’s News Director — is suddenly replaced by Karl, a strict German who Jim could swears he ran into during the war.
Jim introduces himself to Karl…
INT. CASEY’S OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER
Jim’s outside watching blonde, blue-eyed KARL, (30) berate a reporter. Karl could be a Wehrmacht poster child.
JIM FLASHBACK:
EXT. DIRT ROAD, FRANCE – DAY
Jim helps guard a long line of German POW’s.
One SOLDIER, (30) looks like Karl. Jim pokes him with his rifle. The German gives him a chilling stare.
RETURN TO SCENE:INT. CASEY’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
The reporters leave. Jim enters, amazed at the color of the walls — painted red and black — Nazi colors.
Karl stands, hands clasped behind his back:
KARL
(German accent)
Ah, you must be Jim. Please sit.
Karl leans back, studies Jim. Jim sees a PICTURE of the Hindenburg behind Karl.
JIM
What happened to Casey?
KARL
Let’s say — he found greener pastures.
JIM
Say, didn’t we meet before?
Karl gives him a creepy smile. (eliminated him saying, “Many things are possible”).
JIM
During the war, right?
KARL
You will not question my past.
Karl hands him a paper. (eliminated Karl puts on thin framed oval glasses).
KARL
Today, you will report on a degenerate gambler who shot his young child, then himself.
Jim reads. The address is blurry. He rubs his eyes. (eliminated, Jim sees the address — and it’s his own. He rubs his eyes).
KARL
Is something the matter, Jim?
JIM
That’s my address! Say — what are you trying to pull?
KARL
Ach. They told me you were a very hard worker.
Karl downs a shot of Schnapps. (eliminated, Karl takes a bottle of Schnapps and pours himself a drink).
KARL
Perhaps you need some time off.
JIM
No! I mean, no I’m fine.
Karl steeples his hands.
KARL
(creepy smile)
Are you sure?
JIM
I’m… positive.
KARL
Hmm. Well, then.
Karl stands and sweeps his hand for Jim to leave. (eliminated, Karl stands and like a German officer sweeps his hand in a motion for Jim to leave”).
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WIM<div>
Subject: Joel Stern Has Amazing Dialogue!
Module 8 Lesson 7
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).
What I Learned From This Assignment: Methods to make each line of dialogue more interesting using several techniques.
Thriller “Death Voice”.
I found 30-40 different lines and I improved them. Still have some pages to go…
WWII hero Jim “Ace” McCarthy is now a young widower just months after returning home, his wife Jane dying from brain cancer. He’s trying to raise his Polio-stricken son Steven while working in the up and coming TV field. Jim’s doing his best, but breakfast isn’t one of his strong points. Additions/changes are in bold.
Steven waits for his breakfast. Jim opens the cupboard.
STEVEN
I miss mommy so much. Is she in Heaven?
Jim’s expression: A stock answer will do for now.
JIM
Yes son, I think she is.
He leans over the sink.
JIM
Tell ‘ya what. If you eat your cereal you can have an extra cupcake tonight for desert.
STEVEN
But I hate Shredded Wheat. It tastes like Brillo. Why can’t I have Rice Krispies?
Jim takes a liquor bottle from the cupboard and pours a shot. He looks at his son and pours it down the drain.
JIM
Because Shredded Wheat will make you big and strong so one day you can pitch like Warren Spahn. Want some army strawberries on it?
He brings Steven his breakfast.
STEVEN
What’s that?
JIM
Prunes.
STEVEN
Yuck! If I eat the Shredded Wheat will I walk again?
(End of Scene)
I added those lines to add a 40s flavor to the dialogue.
In this scene, Jim, now a TV Crime Reporter in his hometown of Las Vegas, learns his TV News Director boss Casey has suddenly been replaced…by a strict German who he swears he ran into during a prisoner march in Europe during the war.
INT. NEWSROOM – DAY
Reporter PHIL, (40) erases a mistake on his copy.
PHIL
You’re in for a big surprise.
Jim stops typing.
INT. CASEY’S OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER
Jim’s outside watching blonde, blue-eyed KARL, (30) berate a reporter. Karl could be a Wehrmacht poster child.
JIM FLASHBACK:
EXT. DIRT ROAD, FRANCE – DAY
Jim helps guard a long line of German POW’s.
One SOLDIER, (30) looks like Karl. Jim pokes him with his rifle. The German gives him a chilling stare.
RETURN TO SCENE:
INT. CASEY’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
The reporters leave. Jim enters, amazed at the color of the walls — painted red and black — Nazi colors.
Karl stands, hands clasped behind his back:
KARL
(German accent)
Ah, you must be Jim. Please sit.
Karl leans back, studies Jim. Jim sees a PICTURE of the Hindenburg behind Karl.
JIM
What happened to Casey?
KARL
Let’s say — he found greener pastures.
JIM
Say, didn’t we meet before?
Karl gives him a creepy smile. (eliminated “many things are possible).
JIM
During the war, right?
KARL
You will not question my past.
Karl puts on thin framed oval glasses and hands him a paper.
KARL
Today, you will report on a degenerate gambler who shot his young child, then himself.
Jim reads. The address is blurry. He rubs his eyes.
KARL
Is something the matter, Jim?
JIM
That’s my address! Say — what are you trying to pull? (added)
KARL
Ach. They told me you were a very hard worker.
Karl downs a shot of Schnapps.
KARL
Perhaps you need some time off.
JIM
No! I mean, no I’m fine.
Karl steeples his hands.
KARL
(creepy smile)
Are you sure?
JIM
I’m… positive.
KARL
Hmm. Well, then.
Karl stands and sweeps his hand for Jim to leave.
Next scene I changed: “Sal” is a mobster — a voice on the phone. He’s posing as a debt collector who continuously calls Jim and even threatens to kill Steven if Jim’s debt isn’t repaid within ten days…
INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
TV Dinners give off steam on the kitchen table. Steven looks sick of the stuff. Jim pours milk.
STEVEN
Can’t you make meatloaf like mommy?
JIM
Nobody cooked like mommy. She was one helluva chef. Looks like from now on I’ll be Chef Boyardee. (added to show a bit of sadness on Jim’s part as well as a play on words (Chef).
STEVEN
You mean we have to eat this forever?
JIM
It’s better than what I ate in the Army.
RING! Jim grits his teeth.
JIM
(into phone)
McCarthy residence.
SAL (V.O.)
Knock-knock.
Jim turns away from Steven.
JIM
(loud whisper)
Look asshole, me and my kid are about to have dinner and —
SAL (V.O.)
Knock-knock.
JIM
(exhales)
I don’t have five grand right now.
SAL (V.O.)
Knock, knock…
JIM
WHO’S THERE?!
SAL (V.O.)
Why, it’s Sal your friendly debt collector who says ‘ya now got six days. And stop feedin’ your kid that shit. We don’t want him dying before his time right?
CLICK.
</div>
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WIM Module 8 Lesson 6: Joel Stern Has Incredible Monologues!
My Vision: To write eight scripts that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).
What I learned from this assignment: How to write a powerful monologue.
In my first monologue, protagonist Jim “Ace” McCarthy, a decorated WWII hero and his Polio-stricken son Steven attend wife and mother Jane’s funeral (she died young and suddenly from cancer).
Jim, facing a new challenge of being a widower questions his fate with the priest. The end of the scene shows antagonist Ted (former platoon mate whose life Jim saved) enjoying Jim’s anguish…
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Jim and Steven hold hands. Behind them, parents and friends.
STEVEN
Daddy, why did she have to die?
(cries)
I miss her so much.
The PRIEST, (50) mumbles a prayer as Jane’s casket is about to be lowered.
Hysterical mother PATTY, (47) throws herself on the casket.
PATTY
Take me with you! I can’t go on…
Jim grabs her. They’re face-to-face. She looks like she’ll cry on his shoulder. Instead she slaps him.
PATTY
Get your hands off me! She knew what you did!
JIM
(lowers voice)
Please, control yourself Patty. Look at me. What did she think I did?
She yanks her arm away.
PATTY
You’ll find out soon enough.
JIM
Why didn’t she tell me she was sick?
Her HUSBAND, (48) guides Patty away.
Jim hyperventilates. The world spins. He braces himself against a chair.
STEVEN
(echoing voice)
Daddy, are you okay?
The PRIEST, (55) rushes over. Jim hears the priest’s words as an echo:
PRIEST
Jim — please sit.
Jim and the priest sit.
JIM
I’m a widower Father. A widower with a kid who has Polio. Heck, I’m still a kid myself. Wasn’t giving up two years of my life and surviving the worst hell mankind could serve up enough? Why is He torturing me like this?
His in laws look back as they walk away.
PRIEST
Perhaps — perhaps Jim, it’s a test of your soul.
JIM
(scoffs)
A test of my soul…
Jim stands, practically speechless.
JIM
Why couldn’t He just leave me alone? I would’ve been happy to be some ordinary Joe who comes home each night from his boring job to a loving wife and healthy kid.
He turns away with his hands in his pockets.
JIM
Poker night with my pals. A ballgame with my son. Watching him get married. Having grandkids. But no, He had to kill her and —
Jim’s POV: Steven in his wheelchair by his mother’s grave.
JIM
— leave my boy…
(choked up)
… half-dead. That grave over there isn’t just for Jane, Father. I’m already in it next to her.
From Jim’s POV: Ted’s in the last row enjoying the show.
My second monologue is given by Carol — an investigative reporter and Jim’s failed love interest. She offered to help Jim identify Sal (we never see him) — a mobster who through relentless phone calls — threatens Jim with murdering Steven if Jim’s gambling debts aren’t repaid within ten days. Carol — who ghosted Jim after his odd behavior — has a change of heart and knocks on his door. Jim repairs the phone he ripped off the wall after Sal’s last call…
EXT. JIM’S HOUSE – EVENING
Carol rings the bell. Jim opens the door.
JIM
Well, well.
CAROL
May I?
INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – LATER
Jim reattaches the phone to the wall. Carol sips coffee.
CAROL
I’m glad I’m not a telephone.
Jim’s silent.
CAROL
Look, I’m sorry I disappeared, but it’s only been two months since my husband left and —
JIM
Right.
Job done. He joins her at the table. He lights a cigarette, blows smoke to the side.
JIM
How about we start with you telling me who you really are.
CAROL
(deep exhale)
My real name is Marie LaPointe.
He studies her with suspicion.
CAROL
I came here after the war for a better life. There was nothing left for me to live for in France. My parents were murdered by the Bosch. Papa… papa worked with the FFI…
CAROL FLASHBACK:
Twenty civilians are lined up against a wall.
A MAN and WOMAN (50) are singled out by a German OFFICER, (35). He eyes both, up and down — and shoots each one in the head.
The officer backs away.
OFFICER
Feuer!
They’re all mowed down.
RETURN TO SCENE:
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Jim’s eyes are closed tight. A tear rolls down his cheek. He squeezes her hand.
CAROL
(shaken)
I spoke with my FBI contact. He said he’ll meet with us this week.
JIM
So, you really are a reporter.
CAROL
Freelance.
He puts out his cigarette and leaves. Carol composes herself. He returns with a family picture of him, Jane and Steven.
CAROL
Oh, such a beautiful family.
JIM
Turn it over.
The FBI number Jane scribbled is on the back.
CAROL
May I?
He nods. She picks up the phone.
CAROL
There’s no dial tone, Jim.
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WIM Module 8 Lesson 5
Genre: Thriller.
Title: “Death Voice”
Joel Stern is great at Subtext Pointers!
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one of them).
What I learned from this assignment: Using Metaphors, implications, insinuation, sarcasm and allusion to get the audience to understand the subtext of a scene.
Jim “Ace” McCarthy, a WWII medal winner is having a nightmare of a time readjusting to civilian life in his hometown of Las Vegas.
Within months of his return, his young wife dies of cancer and he’s left a young widower with his young son stricken with Polio.
After racking up large losses at a casino, Jim begins to get life threatening phone calls from a mobster who calls himself “Sal”. Sal (who we never see) gives Jim ten days to pay back his debt or he’ll kill Jim’s son Steven. A series of never ending calls from Sal has Jim on the verge of losing his mind.
Jim befriends Carol, a woman who claims to be an investigative reporter who offers to help Jim uncover Sal. But after several of Jim’s irrational actions, Carol disappears. Weeks later she reappears and apologizes for her ghosting him.
In Jim’s kitchen his wall phone lies on the floor. He ripped it out after one of Sal’s calls.
In this scene, I changed Carol’s “Well, you have quite a temper” to “I’m glad I’m not a telephone.”
I also added Jim answering her with silence instead of, “Yeah, losing Jane and getting threatening phone calls from a psychopath will do that.”
INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – LATER
Jim reattaches the phone to the wall. Carol sips coffee.
CAROL
I’m glad I’m not a telephone.
Jim’s silent.
CAROL
Look, I’m sorry I disappeared, but it’s only been two months since my husband left and —
JIM
Right.
Job done. He joins her at the table. He lights a cigarette, blows smoke to the side.
JIM
How about we start with you telling me who you really are.
She nods.
CAROL
My real name’s Marie LaPointe.
JIM
French.
He studies her with suspicion.
CAROL
I came here after the war for a better life. Most of my family… were murdered by the Bosch.
CAROL FLASHBACK:
Twenty civilians are lined up against a wall and shot.
RETURN TO SCENE:
INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Jim’s moved.
CAROL
(deep exhale)
I spoke with my FBI contact and he said he’ll know more about Sal later this week.
JIM
So, you really are a reporter.
CAROL
Freelance.
He puts out his cigarette and leaves. He returns with a family picture of him, Jane and Steven.
CAROL
Such a beautiful family.
JIM
Turn it over.
The FBI number Jane scribbled is on the back.
CAROL
May I?
He nods. She picks up the phone.
CAROL
There’s no dial tone, Jim.
JIM
Must be a loose wire.
Tense silence.
In another scene, Jim — now a hot TV Crime Reporter — goes to his News Director’s office only to find his old boss back behind the desk.
I changed Casey saying, “You’re only an hour late” to: “You’re getting better, you’re now only an hour late”. This shows Jim has been habitually late — a hint of his underlying mental disorder:
INT. CHANNEL THREE NEWSROOM – DAY
Jim passes Phil’s desk.
PHIL
Casey wants to see you.
JIM
Casey?
Casey’s on the phone in his office.
INT. CASEY’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Casey hangs up. Jim enters.
CASEY
You’re getting better. Now you’re only an hour late.
JIM
I thought you left!
CASEY
And the skiing was incredible. Jenny and the kids —
JIM
No, I mean —
Reporter LEE, (34) knocks on the open door.
LEE
They ID’d the stiff at the morgue.
CASEY
(to Jim)
Headless male, 60s. Go get it.
Fred merges with Jim and they fast-walk through the newsroom.
JIM
Who bumped off Karl?
FRED
Who?
JIM
Karl. Hitler’s buddy. Our new boss, asshole!
FRED
I don’t know what you’re talking about.
JIM
Our Kraut boss who was killed in the garage!
FRED
Jeez, if anybody was killed in our garage I’d sure know about it.
Jim stops, braces himself against a chair. The room spins.
FRED
Jim — Jim!
In the following scene, Jim is arrested for the decapitation murder of his father, Hugh. Lead Detective AL went AWOL during the Battle of the Bulge. He was crying like a baby when Jim found him alone in the corner of a wrecked French farmhouse. Now they sit opposite each other in Al’s office. I changed silence to Jim saying, “Like they say, ‘The good ones die young’. This insinuates that AL, the lone survivor in the picture wasn’t one of the good ones.
POLICE STATION – DAY
A PICTURE of Al and a few war buddies at boot camp.
Al’s at his desk, Jim sits across.
JIM
(re: photo)
Happier times.
AL
Not for them.
JIM
Like they say, ‘The good ones die young’.
The jab doesn’t win any points.
JIM
Let me ask you something.
AL
I’ll do the asking.
JIM
The Bulge. How did a fucking coward like you end up a detective?
Al fumes.
JIM
I mean, a sniveling little bitch crying like a baby when our lives were on the line somehow becomes a Detective.
AL
I’ll tell you how — by locking up psychopaths like you. The ball field. Why were you there?
Beat.
JIM
I was looking for my wedding ring.
AL
Bullshit.
JIM
Okay… I was there to meet —
AL
Sal.
JIM
Yeah. Sal.
Al tilts back in his squeaky chair.
AL
When’s the last time this Sal character called?
Jim closes his eyes, thinks hard.
JIM
Tuesday at nine. I was putting my son to bed.
AL
Tuesday, huh.
Al stands, hands in his pockets and looks through the blinds.
AL
Your phone was shut off for the past three weeks.
JIM
(scoffs)
Shut off. What do you take me for?
Al tosses him a phone company warning of service termination. Jim reads with disbelief.
JIM
Why, this can’t be! He agreed to meet me at Mountain View!
AL
And what were you planning to do?
JIM FLASHBACK:
EXT. PARK – NIGHT
Jim fondles a gun in his pocket.
RETURN TO SCENE:
INT. POLICE STATION – CONTINUOUS
JIM
To convince him to stop threatening me and my kid if I don’t pay up!
AL
And how much do you owe this Sal?
Jim dabs his face.
JIM
F– five grand.
AL
Lotta money to lose in one night.
JIM
Whaddya mean one night?
AL
The only time you were there was on July 18th from approximately 7:45 to 10:25 pm.
Jim bolts out of his chair.
JIM
That’s nuts I tell ‘ya! I gambled there at least ten times and each time they gave me unlimited credit!
AL
Sit your ass down.
(calls out)
Hey, Jerry!
Jerry, the casino manager enters.
AL
Jerry, do you know this guy?
JERRY
Sure do Al. He’s Jim McCarthy.
AL
How do you know him?
JERRY
Poker player. Dropped five grand and quit around 10:30.
AL
Did you see him at any time before or after the eighteenth?
JERRY
No.
Enraged, Jim shoves Jerry into the wall.
JIM
You’re a damn liar!
JERRY
Whoa, whoa…
Al steps between them.
AL
That’s all. Thanks Jerry.
JERRY
Sure thing, Al.
Jerry gives Jim a dirty look and leaves.
Jim sits. Al skims a report.
AL
Seems you really hated your old man.
JIM
I wouldn’t use the word hate.
AL
What would ‘ya use?
JIM
Despise.
Al leans in.
AL
You cut off his head and dumped his body at the ball field like a fucking animal.
JIM
No, ‘ya got it all wrong!
AL
Why the ballpark? Something happened there.
Doubled over, Jim runs his hands through his hair.
JIM
I, I…
AL
Yeah, I thought so.
(calls out)
Harry!
Officer HARRY, (47) enters.
AL
He’s all yours.
HARRY
(to Jim)
Let’s go, pal.
Harry leads Jim out.
-
WIM: Subject: Joel Stern loves Covering Subtext!
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).
What I learned from this assignment: The importance of adding subtext to each scene.
My Script: “Death Voice” Genre: Thriller.
I’m in the process of searching each scene for instances where I can add subtext.
I’m posting two from the same scene. In one instance I have Jim changing the subject when chided about his lousy aim in Normandy. The other subtext addition I made was leaving out a line by Jim telling his wife he’ll be okay replacing it with him giving her an empty smile…
Background:
Decorated WWII hero Jim “Ace” McCarthy has returned to his Las Vegas home hoping to reacclimate himself with civilian life. But things begin to unravel as soon as he steps off the troop train. He’s met by his wife and young son only to see the boy in a wheelchair, crippled with Polio — something Jane never told him about.
It’s poker night for Jim and his war buddies. Lots of good natured ribbing. But things get ugly when one of Jim’s pals asks him how he got the nickname, “Ace”.
INT. JIM’S LIVING ROOM – EVENING
A smokey haze wafts over the card table. Jim and his Army buddies play poker. Jim’s pissed, downs a shot.
BENJI, (27) deals, puffs on his pipe. Jim waves smoke away.
JIM
Had an old lady come in today who smoked a pipe.
BENJI
(scoffs)
Probably knew more about cars than you!
Scruffy “SAPPER”, (27) the clown of the group pipes in.
SAPPER
Yeah, what’s up with that Benji? A chimp smokin’ one would look more intelligent!
Laughs. Benji chuckles.
BENJI
Ace — you’ve been at the dealership for what, two months?
JIM
Sounds about right.
SAPPER
(scoffs)
DeSoto’s. I wouldn’t let Hitler drive that piece ‘a shit.
More laughs.
SAPPER
I’ll bet you haven’t sold one of ‘em. Am I right or wrong?
Jane approaches with a tray of sandwiches.
LOU, (26) is the most refined.
LOU
Thanks, you’re an angel, sweetheart.
Sapper peeks under the bread. Bologna.
SAPPER
Before the war I wouldn’t feed this to my dog. But now — woof-woof!
Wild laughs.
JANE
Kennel Ration’s for dessert.
LOU
Ouch! Ace, you’re one lucky Joe to be married to such a wonderful gal.
Jane sets down the tray.
JANE
Lou, I keep telling him that!
Chuckles. She coughs. No ordinary cough.
LOU
Jane, are you okay?
JANE
Oh, it’s just desert allergies. Can I get you boys anything else?
JIM
No, honey. We’re fine. Thanks.
She smiles and leaves.
BENJI
What a doll. Hey, Jimbo — how’d you get that nickname “Ace”?
Sapper jumps in.
SAPPER
It sure wasn’t for his shooting in Normandy. Remember the Kraut in the tree?
The guys all nod — except Jim.
SAPPER
Took him two clips — and the fucker’s drinkin’ beer in Munich as we speak!
Loud belly laughs.
JIM
I hear those new lawn mowers practically cut the grass themselves. How do ‘ya like yours Sapper?
SAPPER
Huh?
JIM
Yeah, okay. Well at least I’m damn good with a grenade.
The guys look at each other: Not that church story again.
His framed Distinguished Service Cross MEDAL hangs on a wall next to an autographed PICTURE of Edward R. Murrow.
Jim puts his cards face down.
JIM
If you have to know, I got the name when I played ball at the plant…
JIM’S FLASHBACK:
SUPER: “McCLANCY FIELD, 1940”
The stands are packed with blue collar families.
The SCOREBOARD: Bolts 3 Gunslingers 2. 9th Inning. 2 Outs.
Lanky Jim, (19) pitches. Bases loaded. The front of his sweat-soaked jersey: “Johnson’s Nuts and Bolts”.
His beer-bellied dad HUGH, (45) grips the fence urging Jim on. CHARLIE, (42) needles Hugh.
CHARLIE
Sorry Hugh, but your kid don’t have it. C’mon Chuck — big hit!
HUGH
One more strike, Jim!
Jim looks in for the catcher’s sign. He drops his head struggling to breathe. The CATCHER, (20) calls for time.
The ump waves his hands stopping play. The catcher approaches wheezing Jim.
CATCHER
You okay?
JIM
Must’ve swallowed a fly.
CATCHER
Smitty’s warmin’ up if you —
JIM
Get back there, will ‘ya?
CATCHER
Okay. This guy can’t touch a curve.
He goes back to home plate.
CATCHER
Let’s go Jimbo. You ‘n me.
Jim winds up the old fashioned way… CRACK! Chuck drives the ball over the fence. Season over. Wild CHEERS!
Charlie’s mobbed at home plate.
Hugh drops onto the wooden bench.
Jim comes over, sad, but life goes on. Hugh takes a swig from his brown paper bag.
JIM
Sorry, dad.
Jim’s distracted by a formation of BOMBERS droning above.
JIM
‘Guess there’s always next season.
HUGH
Yeah.
He rests his hand on Jim’s shoulder.
HUGH
Well, you sure no ace.
Jim nods.
HUGH
Just a born loser.
RETURN TO SCENE:
JIM’S LIVINGROOM – EVENING
LOU
Jeez buddy, if he was my old man I’d… well, I’m glad you were able to get past it.
Jim kicks over the table sending bologna sandwiches and cards flying. He storms out.
SAPPER
Spoke too soon, Lou.
EXT. FRONT PORCH – CONTINUOUS
Jim smokes, disgusted with himself.
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Jane rushes in.
JANE
Oh, leave it boys. Where’s Jim?
The guys clean up the mess.
SAPPER
Went out for a smoke. Story about his old man set him off.
JANE
Hmm. That’ll do it, all right.
Jim returns.
JIM
Sorry for acting like a chump.
Awkward silence. Benji checks his watch.
BENJI
Say, I don’t know about you folks but it’s way past my bedtime.
JIM
C’mon, one more hand guys — I’m okay — I swear!
SAPPER
Good night folks.
They leave.
Jane wraps her arms around Jim’s waist. He rests his head on her shoulder.
O.S.: Starting engines.
JANE
What’s wrong honey?
His eyes are shut tight.
JIM FLASHBACK:
The nuns are killed.
RETURN TO SCENE:
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
With an empty smile, Jim caresses her arms but doesn’t answer.
JANE
(frustrated)
Your son wants to say goodnight.
-
WIM: Joel Stern loves Anticipatory Dialogue
Module 8 Lesson 3
Thriller: “Death Voice”.
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).
What I learned from this assignment: To create anticipation by viewers in each scene. Here is one at the beginning of my script:
It’s June, 1945. Decorated WWII hero Jim “Ace” McCarthy is on a troop train less than a mile from home — moments away from reuniting with his wife and young son. Jim flashes back…
SUPER: “METZ, FRANCE JULY, 1944”
EXT. MEDIEVAL CHURCH – DAY
It’s stood for four hundred years. It survived two World Wars and this torrential downpour won’t destroy it.
Not so for two GI’s bleeding to death at the door step.
Twenty yards away:
EXT. BUSHES – CONTINUOUS
Through binoculars nerdy Sergeant J.T. NUBLY (George Costanza-like) watches two NUNS (32,35) about to enter.
EXT. CHURCH – CONTINUOUS
The nuns look at the wounded men by the door. One shakes her head “no” to the other. They enter the church.
EXT. BUSHES – CONTINUOUS
Nubly lowers his binoculars revealing fogged up Coke bottle-thick glasses. Can he really see through those things?
Over deafening gunfire:
J.T.
(yells)
Ace — get in that Holy Fuckin’ house ‘a God and kill those two Krauts!
Bullets kick up dirt. Private Jim wipes his bloody choir boy face with his sleeve.
JIM
(yells)
Go fuck yourself! They’re nuns — sir.
J.T.
(rubs eyes)
Nuns my cotton pickin’ asshole, I know what I saw! Now get in there before they blow the whole damn village and I shoot you in the face! That’s a direct order!
Jim turns with his rifle pointing at Nubly. Nubly slowly unholsters his sidearm…
J.T.
Remember Wilson?
Jim backs down. BOOM! Debris rains down. Jim crawls… THUD. A POTATO MASHER lands a foot away… a dud.
EXT. CHURCH – CONTINUOUS
Jim snakes his way to the door where two bloody GI’s are knocking on the Pearly Gates.
Bullets ricochet off the stone entrance.
Jim gives one GI a morphine shot. As he’s about to inject TED, (24), bullets stitch the door. Jim hugs the ground.
JIM FLASHBACK:
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD, HOME PLATE – DAY
Home. Simple, happier times. 19-year old Jim fouls out: God, I want to do that again…
RETURN TO SCENE:
EXT. CHURCH – CONTINUOUS
Fuck it, he’s coming home. He injects Ted with Morphine.
JIM
You owe me too much money to die on me now.
Jim crawls into the church.
INT. CHURCH – CONTINUOUS
BOINK…BOINK. Dripping water. A rustling sound.
VOICE
(echoing male voice)
Stirb ihr amerikanischen Schweine!
(die you American pigs!)
Jim dives under the last pew: Sarge was right… He pulls the pin on a grenade and rolls it under the pews.
BOOM! The nuns explode. Debris, body parts rain down.
He shuts his eyes: God please forgive me.
A German SOLDIER, (25) with explosives — the one who called out — lies still in a pew unseen by Jim.
EXT. CHURCH – CONTINUOUS
Rapid gun fire; BOOM!
J.T.
Cover ‘em!
GI’s open up on three Germans in a ditch. Jim frantically wraps Ted’s midsection and drags both to safety.
EXT. BUSHES – MOMENTS LATER
Ted grips Jim’s arm.
JIM
No need Ted.
TED
(weak)
You killed those nuns, didn’t you…
Jim eyes Nubly.
JIM
Just following orders.
TED
Just wait and see what’s next for you.
Ted’s eyes close.
-
Joel Stern loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue
Module 8 Lesson 2
Screenplay: Thriller, “Death Voice”.
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).
What I learned from this assignment: How to write interesting banter.
Here’s one of my favorite scenes:
WWII decorated hero Jim “Ace” McCarthy is finally back home in Las Vegas after the war. He’s eager to begin the first day of the rest of his life. On his first full day home, he gets a job as a Desoto used car salesman. He really wants to be the next great news journalist, but this will do. For now. His first customers are a true test…
INT. DESOTO DEALERSHIP – DAY
Early-40s LEM, (42) is at his desk, Jim faces him.
LEM
Where do ‘ya think you’re gonna be in ten years?
JIM
Gosh, I’m not used to thinking that far ahead, sir.
LEM
Is sellin’ cars on the list, by any chance?
Jim fidgets: Should I tell him the truth?
JIM
With all due respect sir, I see myself as a top notch news reporter heard by the whole world.
LEM
‘Ya don’t say. Like that Murrow fella on the radio.
Jim’s eyes light up.
JIM
Just like him. Yes, sir.
LEM
Well, I hate to tell ‘ya Jim but you’re not gettin’ there from here.
Beat. Jim blinks hard.
JIM
Well sir, truth be told — it’s only a dream.
LEM
Nothin’ wrong with dreamin’. We all need somethin’ to wake up for.
JIM
I never sold a car — except my dad’s without him knowing –- but I’m a fast learner. And I can take apart a carburetor blindfolded!
Lem kicks up his amputated leg on the desk, lights up a stogie and puffs. Jim looks away.
LEM
(chuckle, coughs)
Without him knowin’…
JIM
Well, yes sir — but I paid him back.
(ashamed)
Some of it anyway.
LEM
Aw, heck — that’s what I like to call creative financin’!
JIM
Well, I…
LEM
(re: leg)
Oh this. I hobbled sixty six miles from Bataan to Camp O’Donnell until the damn thing fell off.
JIM
Sorry sir.
LEM
Aw, no need. Plenty of our boys never made it back ‘n plenty more’ll wish they never did.
Lem sits up straight.
LEM
Jim, sellin’ cars should be a breeze for a young man who went through hell ‘n back. Heck, the 4-F’s I got workin’ here will be lucky to have a job by next month. I’m lookin’ for a personable young man who won’t take no for an answer.
Jim smiles.
JIM
So, when do I start?
LEM
Heck, you already did!
Jim salutes.
JIM
Yes, sir!
EXT. USED CAR DEALERSHIP – LATER
Blazing desert sun.
RAY, (70) (think farmer with pitchfork in “American Gothic” painting) and Ma Barker-like LULU, (68) circle a shiny used DeSoto in their Sunday best.
A lit pipe dangles from Lulu’s lips.
RAY
The misses and I are lookin’ for a vehicle that got some teeth to it.
Lulu spits.
LULU
What we got now’s the Devil’s machine. And he sure ain’t in a hurry. A Crosley Hotshot.
JIM
‘Ya don’t say! I knew a fella —
LULU
A dual-overhead cam 75 liter four cylinder piece ‘a crapola that won’t let ‘ya go past fifty two. And we have places to see!
Jim holds in a laugh.
JIM
Well folks, you sure came to the right place. I have a beauty right here I know you’ll love.
He guides them to a shiny ‘47. Ray taps the grill.
RAY
Good Lord, it’s like a big set ‘a teeth!
(taps his own front teeth)
Lost mine during the Hoover years.
JIM
Well, I know a swell dentist in Mayville who —
LULU
What she got under the hood?
JIM
Glad you asked, ma’am.
He lifts the creaky hood. Lulu leans in. The hood’s about to collapse. Jim stops it just in time.
JIM
Sorry ma’am. Guess she’s anxious to hit the road!
Ray scratches his neck.
JIM
Say, how’s about we take her for a spin?
INT. CAR – DAY
Lulu’s clearly speeding; Ray rides shotgun, Jim’s in the back about to puke. She eyes Jim through the rear view mirror.
LULU
Sonny boy, you sure look familiar.
JIM
I hear that a lot ma’am. Just a common face I suppose.
RAY
Rides smooth as a baby’s bottom. Good for my hemorrhoids!
Ray turns back to Jim, his round glasses magnifying his eyes.
RAY
Well, I’ll be. You’re that soldier fella in the magazine who killed the nuns, ain’t ‘ya?
Jim looks away.
JIM
Not proud of it, sir.
LULU
Damn Catholics had it comin’. We’re Southern Baptists ourselves. Say, this baby sure has some giddyap!
EXT. ROADSIDE – DAY
The car vrooms past a motorcycle cop hidden behind a billboard. The chase is on.
INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
Jim reads crib notes on his wrist.
JIM
Yep. Two hundred thirty seven cubic inches of raw power —
LULU
How’s the tranny?
He pulls up his pant leg and reads.
JIM
It has a fluid drive transmission —
POP! Steam explodes from under the hood. Lulu swerves through a puffy white cloud.
RAY
What in tarnation?!
LULU
Hold on we’re comin’ in hot!
Lulu swerves onto the sidewalk, hits the brakes. As it stops the car gently tips over a garbage can. Cats scatter.
LULU
Praise Jesus! This ain’t nothin’ but a hunk ‘a junk!
JIM
No ma’am — I can assure you she’s rock solid!
INT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
Lulu spits out the window.
LULU
Let’s go Ray. He’s just a huckster!
Ray turns to Jim.
RAY
We don’t fancy any Tom Foolery young man.
(tips his hat)
Good day to you sir!
EXT. CAR – CONTINUOUS
Lulu leads Ray down the block leaving Jim with a smoke-billowing clunker. He gets out, waves his hat.
JIM
Wait folks, it’s just the radiator!
No use. Jim swats away steam. The motorcycle COP, (40) putters to a stop. He gets off and approaches.
COP
See ‘ya got some car trouble.
JIM
(mumbles)
No shit genius.
(to cop)
Yes sir, sure do.
The cop unsnaps his helmet and pulls his summons book from his back pocket.
COP
You were going so fast you blew the radiator!
JIM
It blew alright but I wasn’t the one driving.
COP
Let’s see that license ‘a yours.
-
Joel Stern WIM Module 8 Lesson 1 Dialogue Structures
Thriller: “Death Voice”.
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood Blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).
What I’m continuing to learn from this assignment: Dialogue structure.
Summary: Jim “Ace” McCarthy, a decorated WWII Army hero returns home to Las Vegas but his road back to normalcy is shaken by the sudden death of his wife, a Polio stricken young son and phone calls from an anonymous mobster threatening death if he doesn’t repay his gambling debts withing ten days.
This scene is long but I think it qualifies for being dialogue driven.
Months after his young wife dies of cancer, Jim has an opportunity to develop a relationship with a fellow journalist he meets at a diner while with his young son Steven:
INT. PIRATES COVE DINER – NIGHT
Perry Como’s “One Enchanted Evening” plays under the chatter.
Jim cuts Steven’s roast beef.
STEVEN
Why do kids call me “Iron legs”?
Jim makes an angry deep cut into the beef.
JIM
Because they have marshmallow lives and don’t know what suffering is.
STEVEN
Will I have to wear my braces forever?
JIM
No…
Steven makes eye contact with CAROL NEWHOUSE, (24) paying her bill at the register.
Carol waves hello but drops her change. Jim scoops them up.
INT. CASH REGISTER – CONTINUOUS
He hands the coins to Carol.
JIM
I believe these are yours ma’am.
CAROL
Now, that’s what I call a real gentleman.
JIM
Name’s Jim. Jim McCarthy.
They shake.
CAROL
Carol Newhouse. Nice to meet you.
JIM
The pleasure’s all mine, ma’am.
CAROL
I’ve been so clumsy of late. New city, new job.
They step away from the register.
JIM
No kidding! Where are you from?
CAROL
Fairfax, Virginia.
JIM
I did basic training at Fort Lee!
CAROL
Such a small world.
He looks back at antsy Steven.
JIM
Say, I don’t mean to be forward but I’d be a real chump if I didn’t ask. My son and I would be honored if you’d join us.
She checks her watch.
CAROL
Why sure, I’d love to.
INT. BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
Jim and Steven sit facing Carol.
JIM
Steven, say hello to Miss Newhouse.
The boy’s silent, sad. She isn’t “mom”.
JIM
Be nice.
STEVEN
(reluctant)
Hello, Miss Newhouse.
CAROL
Well, hello there Steven.
She looks at his crutches.
STEVEN
I have Polio, but my dad says it’ll go away one day and I’ll pitch like Warren Spahn.
Carol leans close to Steven.
CAROL
(hush)
Well, I don’t know him but I hear they’re working on a cure and it could happen by next Christmas.
Steven’s eyes light up.
STEVEN
Really?
He looks at dad, eyes filled with hope.
JIM
So, how long have you been in town?
CAROL
Three weeks. It was quite lonely drive.
Jim looks at her ringless FINGER.
JIM
What kind of work do you do? If you don’t mind me asking.
CAROL
I’m a reporter for the Sun.
JIM
You don’t say? I’m a TV crime reporter for Channel Three. Started a few weeks ago.
STEVEN
Daddy comes on TV after Bozo.
CAROL
Well Bozo’s a hard act to follow.
Jim’s musses his son’s hair.
JIM
Sometimes, I’m more of a clown than he is.
CAROL
Well, it’s a pleasure to meet a fellow journalist. How do you like television?
JIM
Lots to learn. I’m pretty raw, but my experience during the war…
(swallows hard)
… helps me deal with it.
CAROL
Well, I don’t own a television set but I think I’ve seen you before.
JIM
(humble)
LOOK magazine. Or LIFE.
CAROL
Oh, really?
JIM
Nothing bad. Well, it was for the two Germans posing as nuns I — I killed in France.
Carol nods, the wheels turn.
CAROL
Hmm. Come to think of it, I did read about that.
STEVEN
Are you gonna tell that story?
JIM
No son, I’m not.
CAROL
Oh, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’ve always been inquisitive.
JIM
The hallmark of a good reporter. I’ve always been a big fan of Edward R. Murrow myself. Met him once in Washington. Have his autographed picture on my living room wall.
CAROL
His war coverage was legendary.
STEVEN
(bored)
Can we go home now?
Jim checks his watch.
JIM
Where did the time go…
He grabs the check.
JIM
Say, you seem like a pretty swell gal. Whaddya say we meet for coffee sometime?
Carol’s POV: Jim’s wedding ring.
JIM
She died eight months ago.
Steven drops his head. Carol’s touched.
CAROL
Oh Jim, I’m so sorry.
She takes his hand.
CAROL
Sure. I’d love to.
-
Joel Stern WIM Elevating Dialogue Thriller: “Death Voice”. Jim “Ace” McCarthy, a WWII hero returns home to his young wife and Polio-disabled young son only to face challenges that rival those he faced in battle.
My vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters.
What I learned (and am still learning) from this assignment: To improve the dialogue of my main characters.
I’m still working on this because it’s really becoming another draft even though I’m concentrating right now on my protagonist.
Here are a few changes made so far:
Jim’s very first line (in a flashback) after being told by his superior officer to kill two nuns suspected of being German saboteurs: “They’re just nuns Sarge.”
I changed it to: “Go fuck yourself. I’m not killing any nuns – sir.
After saving Ted’s life at the foot of the church, I changed Jim telling wounded Ted that he was “Just following orders” (to kill the nuns) to “Just following the prick’s orders.”
Also added a line: “You’re not dying Ted. You still owe me all that poker money”
Jim’s first full day back home in Las Vegas and he’s interviewing for a sales job at a Desoto dealership: Owner LEM, a stogie-puffing vet missing a leg interviews Jim.
Original line: JIM: “Well, I never sold a car but I’m a fast learner. And I can take apart a carburetor blindfolded.”
Changed to: “Well, I never sold a car – well except my dad’s without him knowing – but I’m a fast learner. And I can take apart a carburetor blindfolded!”
LEM
Hmm. Without him knowin’…
JIM
Well, yes sir — but I paid him back.
(ashamed)
Most of it anyway.
Jim’s first customers are an old feisty couple, Ray and Lulu. Lulu’s like Ma Barker. Ray’s like the farmer with the pitchfork in the famous “American Gothic” painting. Ray examines the toothy-looking front grill of a ’47 Desoto…
RAY
Good Lord… it’s like a big set ‘a teeth!
(taps front teeth)
Lost mine during the Hoover years.
JIM
Truly sorry to hear that sir.
I changed Jim’s line to: “Well I know a swell dentist in Mayville – I can give you his –“
LULU
(interrupts)
What we got now’s the Devil’s machine. And he sure ain’t in a hurry. A Crosley Hotshot.
JIM
‘Ya don’t say!
LULU
A dual-overhead cam 75 liter four cylinder piece ‘a crap that won’t let ‘ya go past fifty two. And we have places to go!
I’ve made about 15 changes so far with Jim’s dialogue. Lots more to go!
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WIM Joel Stern Elevated Interest Module 7 Lesson 4
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters and to have a line in at least one (with over thirty years of broadcasting experience and having a major acting role in two stage plays is it so crazy? Maybe, but what the hell…)
What I learned from this assignment: That it takes quite a while to go through each important scene in an effort to intensify them. But is is surely worthwhile. I found many scenes to improve.
Making my protagonists flashbacks clearer, more understandable. Seeing it in my mind makes all the sense in the world. But I’m learning that it must be just as clear to the viewer.
Example: Jim is being shot at by German’s while he gives first aid to two fallen GI’s. Jim flashes back to simpler times back home where he strikes out in a ball game. If only he could be back home…
I adjusted it to show this flashback motivates him to kill two suspected saboteurs posing as French nuns inside the church (even though we learn later they were just innocent nuns).
In another scene, Jim just back home from WWII and his buddies play poker at Jim’s home. I wanted to show Jim developing PTSD. A pal asks Jim how he got his nickname “Ace”. He relates a pre war story involving the cold and cruel response by his father after Jim gave up a home run in losing a title game. Reliving this story, Jim explodes and turns over the poker table. His friends are shocked at his new behavior and leave.
When wife Jane hugs him and asks what’s wrong, I enhanced Jim’s flashback:
He squeezes his eyes shut:
JIM MONTAGE FLASHBACK:
— The nuns are killed.
— An artillery shell explodes showering Jim with debris.
— Jim walks past mutilated civilians in the street.
RETURN TO SCENE:
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
JIM
(empty smile)
I’ll get over it sweetheart. I just need some time that’s all.
JANE
(warm smile)
I know you will. Your son wants to say goodnight.
I enhanced 15-20 scenes following this lesson.
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Joel Stern WIM Module 7 Lesson 2. Thriller: “Death Voice”
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood Blockbusters.
What I learned from this assignment: How to set up key reveals throughout the script.
ACT 1:
DEMAND: WWII France. Protagonist Pvt. Jim McCarthy is ordered by his nearsighted Sergeant to kill two nuns entering a church. He suspects them of being German saboteurs in disguise carrying explosives. Jim reluctantly follows the order. Before crawling inside he patches up two badly wounded GI’s. After hearing a German male make a threat, Jim rolls a grenade to the front killing the nuns. He crawls out in the heat of a firefight but stops to administer crude first aid to the pair of wounded men. After dragging both to safety and saving their lives, one man — Ted — tells Jim he really murdered two nuns and that he’ll “you’ll go to Hell for this”.
REVEAL: Soon after the war’s over, Jim encounter’s Ted in Jim’s hometown of Las Vegas. Ted is more fanatical than ever and tells Jim he will pay the price for killing the nuns. We learn Ted notified the FBI about what really happened in the French church. This later results in Jim’s development of PTSD, the key theme of the script.
DEMAND: Flashback: A pre-war baseball game. Teen Jim pitches and gives up a game winning home run in the local title game. He takes it in stride but father Hugh, a callous drunk tells Jim he’s a born loser.
DEMAND: After the war Jim tracks down Hugh. Hugh praises his other son Ed, a hero who died during the attack at Pearl Harbor. Hugh tells Jim “the wrong son came home”. The final straw between them.
REVEAL: These two events add to Jim’s psychotic episodes which blur his ability as a TV crime reporter to distinguish between fact and illusion. Hugh is later found murdered at the same baseball diamond and Jim becomes they key suspect.
More to come as I add and rewrite…
😊
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WIM Joel Stern, Module 7 Lesson 3: Making scenes more emotional.
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment: The importance of creating an emotional connection with the audience and using various methods to do so.
Enhanced scenes:
Opening scene: WW2 hero Jim McCarthy arrives home to Las Vegas after War’s end. He’s met at the train station by his wife Jane and their young son Steven — who’s in a wheelchair. Jim’s surprised Jane never told him the boy developed Polio. Jim bites his tongue and proceeds as if it’s nothing.
I added: As Jim wheels his son away with Jane, Jim crumbles something in his hand and drops it — a closeup reveals it’s a family picture during healthier times. The picture, now lying on the platform, is coldly stepped on by another child’s foot.
Another Scene: Back home. Poker night at home with his war buddies. But he’s losing badly. Was easy going pre-war but now his personality has changed.
I enhanced it: He tells his pals how he got the nickname “Ace”. In a flashback taking place before the War Jim gives up a game-losing home run in a big game. He’s devasted when his dad Hugh calls him a born loser. After telling the story Jim’s temper explodes. His friends are shocked and they leave.
Another scene:
Early in the script Jane dies of a brain tumor. Jim’s now a young widower with a disabled young son.
I enhanced it with: Deep sadness turning into shock and betrayal.
Christmas 1949. It’s Jim and Steven’s first without mom. They watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”. Jimmy Stewart and wife Donna Reed are by the Christmas tree. He holds his young daughter while the others sing “Auld Lang Syne”.
Tears roll down Jim’s cheeks. Steven takes dad’s hand. <font face=”inherit”>Donna Reed (Jane looked like her) causes Jim to a war flashback: He’s in a French farmhouse and the bullet ridden bodies of a family. The dead woman looks like Jane. Back to the present. He rushes to the bedroom and searches Jane’s nightstand for a picture of her. He finds one and cries. He drops it…picks it up…and finds the phone number of Ted — his platoon nemesis…. “How could she?”
Many more and I’m catching up!
JS
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WIM Joel Stern Thriller “Death Voice”
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I’m learning from this assignment: How to elevate the quality and depth of my protagonist.
Still working through the draft – I enhanced a scene where Army soldier Jim (protagonist) and Ted are playing cards at night in a French farmhouse during a lull in fighting during WW2. I turned it up a notch when they begin a disagreement about God and their destiny. I originally took a soft approach but realized this scene could really enhance what drives these two characters to what happens later in the story.
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WIM Joel Stern Post WWII Thriller: “Death Voice”
My Vision: To write eight blockbuster screenplays and to get a speaking line in at leas one.
What I’m Learning From This Assignment: Learning ways to elevate my characters.
Just began listing beats for my protagonist in Final Draft 12. A ways to go but I can see how it will make it easier to identify beats and therefore easier to make Jim “Ace” McCarthy’s character deeper, more interesting.
Fell behind with my work schedule, but I’ll get there!
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Joel Stern WIM Module 6 Lesson 5
My Thriller: “Death Voice”
My Vision: To write eight blockbuster screenplays and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment: To use numerous techniques to make my script cutting edge.
Finally finished this draft after working like a madman at my job during December.
I know I fell behind, but I don’t want to get sloppy!
I’m ready to exchange feedback:
A WWII hero with a dark war past returns home to Las Vegas and gets the chance of a lifetime to realize his version of the American Dream only to face a series of gut wrenching challenges.
I can be reached at broadcastingtutor@gmail.com
Thanks!
🙂
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Joel Stern WIM Module 6 Lesson 4
My vision: To write eight blockbuster screenplays and to have a speaking line in at least one of them.
What I learned from this assignment: To solve various issues with each scene.
I am still in the process of doing this. For me it’s a matter of going through a 102 page script and checking the grid provided for a series of problems.
The grid is excellent. I found several scenes that I enhanced through this process.
I’ll be on the air this weekend so I’ll finish this draft Monday.
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Joel Stern WIM Module 6 Lesson 3 Cliché Busting
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood blockbusters.
I found it hard to find clichés since I try to be as original as possible from the very beginning of a script. On one hand virtually everything under the sun has been written before in one form or another so it’s difficult for me to draw the line between what has already been done and what will raise a red flag with a producer.
One thing I did change was in my opening scene. Jim, my protagonist steps off a troop train after WW II’s end and greets his wife and young son. He sees his son in a wheelchair, stricken with Polio — something he was never told about. After warm hugs and kisses they head home. As Jim wheels his son, Jim crushes and drops a small family photo of all three during healthier times. Originally I did not have him crush the picture, instead leaving it just as a happy reunion.
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Joel Stern WIM Module 6 Lesson 3 Cliché Busting
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood blockbusters.
What I WILL learn from this assignment: To be as original as humanly possible.
Sorry, but I’ve fallen behind due to mega work hours the past few weeks. But at least I have two days to catchup this week.
This time around I’ll keep a sharp eye out for scenes that have been done before. It’s tough trying to reinvent the wheel, but of all the feedback I’ve received from my previous screenplays the most common comment is how original my plots and characters are. I always look to be original and never copy anyone else’s work.
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Joel Stern WIM Module 6 Lesson 2
Thriller: “Death Voice”
My vision: To write eight blockbuster Hollywood screenplays and to get a speaking line in at least one of them.
What I learned from this assignment: Ways to make lead characters strong.
When I begin writing a screenplay it takes some time for me to get a feel for the character — to think and behave like them. Coming from New York City, I’ve naturally had a lifetime of interacting with every sort of personality imaginable. And I incorporate that into my characters.
My protagonist is a WWII hero who’s return to civilian life is severely compromised by PTSD. Being a student of WWII and having been to Omaha Beach and other sites in Europe, I think I have a decent amount of material in my mind to create a strong protagonist in Jim “Ace” McCarthy.
Sal — my mobster antagonist — is a threatening voice Jim only hears on the phone. He never meets him in person.
I always focus on creating unique characters. My main concern is creating strong structure.
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Joel Stern WIM Module 6 Lesson 1
My Vision: To write eight Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I’m learning from this assignment: Concentrating on structure and making beats more powerful.
I admit I fell behind due to a lot of extra hours at work which happens each year at this time.
I haven’t finished the second rough draft but wanted to post what I have to this point.
I’ve added a few scenes to make the story make more sense. I find the biggest issue was not having a thorough outline because I wasn’t sure how complete the outline was supposed to be. So, as I’m writing the second draft it has become clear I had to add, subtract and alter a few scenes. And it’s sort of a butterfly effect — when I make changes it effects other scenes later in the script.
But the bottom line is I’m working on Act 2 and the story is much stronger.
I wanted to post this so you don’t think I bailed!
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WIM: Joel Stern Continues Act 4
My vision: To write eight scripts that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at least one of them.
What I learned from this assignment: To let the ideas flow as I write without trying to be perfect (in the early drafts).
Just finished my first draft. It took much longer because I do a lot of extra work during the holiday season (12 hour shifts). But I was able to get the writing done in several short bursts.
My biggest mistake was not creating a more thorough outline. This resulted in me having to add many scenes which altered the story a bit — not much — but some.
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Joel Stern Started Act 4
My vision: To write eight Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment:
I’m actually finishing my first draft — got caught up with extra holiday work at my workplace. I have 85 pages and am wrapping it up. I didn’t want to seem like I vanished!
I’m looking forward to begin improving the second draft in the next day or so.
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Joel Stern WIM Module 5 Lesson 13
My Vision: To write eight Hollywood blockbuster screenplays and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment: Same — to speed write and not hesitate when doing so. It’s a challenge for sure but it works.
I fell behind because I worked 9 of the last ten days but I’m continuing Act 4.
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Joel Stern Start of Module 5 Act 4
My Vision: To write eight blockbuster screenplays and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment: To continue to speed write and not worry about writing the perfect scene at this point of the process.
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Joel Stern WIM Module 5 Lesson 11
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at least one of them.
What I learned from this assignment: The ideas do seem to flow easier when I write faster!
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Joel Stern Module 5 Lesson 9
My Vision: To write eight Hollywood blockbuster scripts and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment: To maintain concentration on speed writing.
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Joel Stern Continuing Act 2
My Vision: To write eight Hollywood blockbusters and get a speaking line in at least one of my films.
Just started Act 3. There’s always a temptation to make sure each scene is perfect — it’s because I write my own copy for my radio work and just a habit. But I’d say the vast majority of time I spend on my “Death Voice” script is off the top of my head.
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WIM, Joel Stern Lesson 7 Continuing Act 2
Vision: To write eight Hollywood blockbuster scripts and get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment: To maintain speed writing and avoid the temptation of making the scenes perfect in the first draft.
I find that ideas flow faster with this method. I also realize I need to fill in plot holes along the way.
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WIM, Joel Stern Lesson 7 Continuing Act 2
Vision: To write eight Hollywood blockbuster scripts and get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment: To maintain speed writing and avoid the temptation of making the scenes perfect in the first draft.
I find that ideas flow faster with this method. I also realize I need to fill in plot holes along the way.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by JOEL STERN.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by
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Vision: To write eight Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment: To make creativity a priority in the first draft.
Just about finished with Act 2 and it’s becoming easier each day to speed write!
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WIM Lesson 4 Act 1
My Vision: To write eight blockbuster screenplays and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I Learned From This Lesson: To continue speed writing and minimize writer’s block.
No question — this exercise helps the creative process. Knowing it’s okay to make mistakes in the first draft makes the thought process flow!
I’m now writing Act 2. May be a slight delay as a Category 1 hurricane is five hours away from landing right where I live in Florida.
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Joel Stern Act 1 First Draft Part 1
“Death Voice”
Thriller
I have 21 pages written so far. For the most part I’ve been able to speed write. The urge to make corrections is still there but they’re like speed bumps at this point.
I purposely left many plot holes in my outline so I’ve been adding scenes that weren’t in my outline. So this first draft will not be fully dependent on my outline.
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Joel Stern Module 5 Lesson2: High Speed Writing Rules
My vision: To write eight screenplay blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I learned from this assignment: To keep the ideas flowing and avoid corrections.
It takes a while to get used to writing fast. Constantly fighting the urge to improve the description and dialogue. But I’m starting to get the hang of it.
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Module 5 Lesson 1
My Vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at
least one.What I Learned From This Assignment:
The basics of writing a scene as quickly as possible.Having written screenplays before there
was a temptation to make my first scene as good as possible. I caught
myself and wrote it as fast as possible. But I admit it was tough. The outline transfer was very helpful. -
Hi Everyone,
I’m ready to exchange. My script is a thriller about a WWII Medal of Honor winner who comes home after the war and faces major reality-check.
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Module 4 Lesson 10: Joel Stern:
Fascinating Scenes OutlineMy vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters and to have a speaking line in at
least one of them.What I learned from this assignment:
Making each scene outstanding using Interest Techniques.1)
SUPER: “FRANCE, 1944”
EXT. MEDIEVAL CHURCH – DAY
Wounded Jim “Ace” McCarthy crawls
over to two badly shot buddies by the door. Vision blurred, Jim kicks
the door open, rolls a grenade under the pews. BOOM! Four German
teens dressed as civilians are killed. Jim drags his buddies to
safety under heavy fire.Scene Arc: From ordinary soldier Jim to performing a Medal of
Honor feat.Essence: Jim’s incredible heroism.
Conflict: Did he murder innocent civilians?
Subtext: Before passing out one of the soldiers saved calls Jim a
murderer.Hope/fear: We hope Jim killed soldiers. We’re afraid they were
really innocent civilians.Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Binoculars lowered. The nerdy
Sergeant’s Coke bottle lenses are fogged but he thinks he sees four
German’s entering the church with explosives. He orders Jim to kill
them.Middle: (Cliffhanger) Heavy fire. Jim reaches two wounded buddies
by the door, crudely dresses their wounds. Now it’s life or death for
Jim.Ending: (Suspense) Jim kicks in the door, rolls under a pew and
bowls a grenade to the front. BOOM! Four dead teens dressed as
civilians. Jim helps both wounded GI’s to back to safety. (Intrigue)
One calls Jim a murderer before losing consciousness.2)
EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY
Jim shakes away this flashback and
weaves through the packed platform not sure his wife and son
even look the same. He rejoins his wife and wheelchair-bound
son. When Jim bends down to hug Jim Jr. a whiskey flask falls from
his back pocket.Scene Arc: From Jim reliving his personal hell to rejoining his
family, learning his child is wheelchair-bound from Polio and
revealing his drinking problem.Essence: Jim and Jim Jr. aren’t the same people they were before
the war.Conflict: Jane realizes her husband is broken. Can he accept his
son’s handicap? Is he a drinker?Subtext: Jim’s pretending life will be the same as it was before
the war.Hope/fear: We hope the war hasn’t destroyed Jim. But it might
have.Beginning: Jim shakes off his Medal of Honor flashback with a swig
of whiskey, checks the picture in his hand of his wife and healthy
young son and gets off the train.Middle: (Major twist) Jim finds wife Jane and Jim Jr. in the crowd
but the boy is in a wheelchair (Polio). Jane never told him.Ending: As Jim and family leave the station Jim, pushing the
wheelchair crunches up the picture and drops it on the ground.3)
INT. CAR DEALERSHIP – DAY
Jim’s new job: Selling used DeSoto’s. But he’s too honest and
keeps losing buyers.Scene Arc: From Jim welcoming a customer to the customer
practically running out of the dealership.Essence: Jim’s an honest guy. Perhaps too honest.
Conflict: Honesty and poor sales vs. being a money making smooth
talker.Subtext: Jim doesn’t have it in him to be dishonest.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim can learn “the game” and make money.
We fear he can’t.Beginning: From Jim introducing himself to his first customer to
the car breaking down during the test drive and the customer leaving
him and the clunker in the middle of the road.Middle: Every car feature Jim shows the customer fails.
Ending: Jim’s alone in the smoking clunker. Is this any way to make
a living?4)
INT. JIM’S LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Jim and his buddies play poker; easy going Jim loses a hand, turns
over the table and grabs a gun.Scene Arc: From cool ‘ol Jim to a quick tempered stranger.
Essence: The war has left Jim with deep emotional scars.
Conflict: Jim now has a very ugly side. Can his friends deal with
it?Subtext: Jim tells a knock-knock joke to make it seem
everything’s okay. It’s not.Hope/fear: We hope Jim isn’t losing control of himself. Drinking
and temper flareups say otherwise.Beginning: Jim and his buddies play poker, ribbing each other.
(Surprise) One reveals how Jim got the “Ace” nickname – a
sarcastic reference to his lousy pitching in a local championship
ballgame and not from the war.Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) A pal brings up the church incident
in France and makes a crude remark about all the crippled kids in
Europe – just as Jim Jr. appears in a wheelchair.Ending: (Character changes radically) Jim loses a poker game,
turns the table over and grabs a gun.5)
INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – DAY
While sorting through bills Jim gets a phone call. He’s offered a
job interview with a local Las Vegas TV station.Scene Arc: From Jim agonizing over unpaid bills to possibly
getting his dream job.Essence: His life could change in a major way.
Conflict: With no journalism experience Jim needs to prove he can
do the job.Subtext: Jim has strong self doubts.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim gets the job but his lack of experience
and deteriorating character may ruin his chances.Beginning: Jim sorts through endless bills. No way he can pay
these. (Surprise) Then a phone call – from a local TV station.Middle: (Uncertainty) Jim’s offered an interview for a reporter’s
position – his chance to fulfill his dream. He’s not sure he can do
the job. But he’s assured if he can win the Medal of Honor he can do
this.Ending: Jim hangs up. He kisses and dances with Jane then lifts
his son from the wheelchair and does the Mombo! It’s a wonderful
life! (External Dilemma) Except for the fact his car’s in the shop
and there’s a transit strike. He’ll have to walk seven miles in the
blazing Vegas sun for the interview.6)
INT. JIM’S CAR – DAY
Jim starts the engine. Ted, one of the two soldiers Jim saved
during the French church killings approaches with a Bible under his
arm.Scene Arc: From Jim about to drive to his new job to apprehension
over Ted’s remarks.Essence: Jim’s life may soon change – for the worse.
Conflict: Instead of Ted being grateful for Jim saving his life,
Ted threatens to go public with his version of what happened.Subtext: They meet but it isn’t really “by chance”.
Hope/fear: We hope Ted is just a shell shocked loony. We fear
Ted’s threat will become reality.Beginning: Jim sees an oil leak under his car. Bad omen. He
starts the car and it puffs smoke. Along comes Ted who calls it a
chance meeting set up by God.Middle: (Misinterpretation) Ted says Jim will face a reckoning
about what really happened in the church.Ending: (Betrayal) Jim drives off having wished he never saved Ted
during the war.7)
INT. TV STATION – DAY
Jim interviews and gets the job. He’ll be the station’s new Crime
Reporter.Scene Arc: From Jim’s early interview stumbles to him winning the
job.Essence: Jim’s Medal of Honor lands him his dream job.
Conflict: Having no journalism experience vs. the high pressure
of TV reporting.Subtext: Jim’s outwardly confident. Deep down he knows it’ll be a
miracle if he lasts.Hope/fear: We hope Jim will be a hit with viewers. We fear he’ll
flop.Beginning: (Superior position) News Director Casey glosses over
newspaper clippings of Jim’s wartime heroics. Very impressed. The job
is his before he even interviews.Middle: (More interesting setting) Casey takes Jim to the
basement. There’s a “body” under a bloody sheet. (Uncomfortable
moment) Casey has Jim do an impromptu mock TV crime report.Ending: (Cliffhanger) After Jim’s butchering of the mock report,
Casey sits Jim down and looks like he changed his mind. But he’s
kidding and offers the job.8)
INT. KITCHEN – EVENING
Jane’s cooking dinner. Jim and Jim Jr. talk at the table. Jane
begins to cough violently.Scene Arc: From a normal dinner to a possible family health
crisis.Essence: It’s not a normal cough. Jane’s very sick.
Conflict: Jim wants her to see a doctor. She refuses.
Subtext: Jane knows more about her cough than she’s letting on.
Hope/Fear: We hope she’s okay. It looks serious.
Beginning: (More Interesting setting) Jane coughs as she pulls TV
Dinners from the smoky oven. As she brings them to the table she
collapses.Middle: (Surprise) The smoke wasn’t too bad but Jane passed out;
Jim finds her pain pills on the floor.Ending: (Uncertainty) Jim rushes Jane to the hospital. She may
die.9)
INT. HOSPITAL – EVENING
Jim speaks with her doctor in private. He tells Jim Jane has
terminal cancer, weeks to live.Scene Arc: From Jim meeting Jane’s doctor and hoping it’s nothing
serious to finding out Jane has weeks to live.Essence: Jane doesn’t have much time left. Huge lifestyle changes
are on Jim’s horizon.Conflict: Jim’s love for his wife and his anger that she never
told him she was sick. Just like she didn’t tell him his son
contracted Polio.Subtext: What else has Jane kept from Jim?
Hope/Fear: We hope that somehow Jane can recover. We fear Jim will
soon be a widower.Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) The doctor has to tell Jim – a
local celebrity – that his wife is dying. He says he told her
during a checkup months ago.Middle: (Uncertainty) Jim paces. After all he’s been through he
may lose his wife – his childhood sweetheart.Ending: (Intrigue) Jim and his son leave. Why did she keep this a
secret?10)
INT. LOCAL CASINO – EVENING
Jim’s on a long losing streak at the poker table.
Scene Arc: From Jim welcomed by the casino as a war hero to him
racking up big gambling losses.Essence: Jim’s background can only go so far.
Conflict: Jim needs to win to pay off Jane’s medical bills but
he’s losing big.Subtext: The pit boss gets a phone call while watching Jim
gamble. Something’s up.Hope/fear: We hope Jim can control his gambling. Our fear is it
will get worse.Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Jim losing another poker game. He’s
torn between continuing or quitting.Middle: (Mystery) The pit boss gets a phone call from the casino
manager while watching Jim gamble. Something’s up.Ending: (Surprise) The pit boss doesn’t cut off Jim. Instead he
tells him he has an unlimited credit line.11)
INT. KITCHEN – EVENING
Jim’s cooking dinner for him and Jim Jr. The doctor calls: Jane
died.Scene Arc: From Jim cooking dinner to learning his wife died.
Essence: It’s the biggest life changing event in his life.
Conflict: High pressure job, gambling and drinking addiction –
Jim must somehow keep pushing forward.Subtext: Jim’s unemotional when he learns of Jane’s death.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim can keep it together. We fear he won’t.
Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Jim cooks dinner and has flashbacks
to wonderful moments spent with Jane. As teens, they kiss and as they
do the phone rings bringing him back to the present. The doctor tells
Jim that Jane just died.Middle: (Mystery) A gut wrenching moment for most, but Jim’s
unfazed. Is he a sociopath?Ending: (Major twist) Jim opens a kitchen drawer and discovers a
business card. He calls the number. Ted answers.12)
EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Jane’s funeral. Her sobbing parents and a handful of others join
Jim and his son. The boy holds hands with dad as the casket is
lowered. Jane’s mother Patty is so distraught she throws herself on
the casket.Scene Arc: From the priest’s opening words to Jim’s unemotional
acceptance of Jane’s death.Essence: Jane was so loved her mother wanted to join her in
death.Conflict: Patty screams at Jim claiming he never really loved
her.Subtext: Patty may know something about Jim’s inner personality.
Hope/fear: We hope it’s just a rocky husband-in law issue. We
fear it’s more than that.Beginning: (Surprise) The service is about to start but Jim isn’t
there. He shows up…very late.Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Patty throws herself on her
daughter’s lowering casket. Jim grabs her. (Betrayal) She slaps him
and calls him a gambler and a worthless drunk.Ending: (Intrigue) Ted, one of the two soldiers saved by Jim in
France who said Jim would pay for his “war crime” sits in the
last row.13)
EXT. CRIME SCENE – DAY
Jim’s first assignment. A fatal liquor store holdup. The owner is
covered with a bloody sheet. Jim’s unfazed but stumbles through his
stand up. Pure amateur. Oh-oh…Scene Arc: From Jim’s arrival to the crime scene to him
butchering his report and taking a drink from his whiskey flask.Essence: Jim isn’t bothered by horrific violence but has limited
on-air skills.Conflict: Jim’s TV handsome, likable but needs work to be a good
reporter.Subtext: His war experience could save him.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim won’t get fired. We fear he will.
Beginning: Jim arrives at the crime scene. (Mystery) Al, a
detective and fellow GI remembers him from the war but isn’t a fan.
What does he know?Middle: (Uncomfortable) Jim needs six takes to get through it.
Ending: (Twist) Jim tags his stand up with a reference to the
assigned detective being a coward who went AWOL during the Battle of
the Bulge. The camera wasn’t really rolling but the detective gets
the message that Jim knows him.14)
INT. DINER – EVENING
Jim and Jim Jr. eat dinner. Carol drops
change by the cash register. Jim picks up the coins. There’s an
instant connection.Scene Arc: From a lonely widower having dinner with his son to
meeting a possible new love interest.Essence: Jim’s chance meeting with Carol – a local Las Vegas
investigative newspaper reporter – could change the direction of
his life.Conflict: Jim is torn between dating again soon after his wife’s
death or moving on. And Carol’s a competitor on the local news
scene.Subtext: Carol’s dropping of coins at the cash register seems
intentional.Hope/fear: We hope they fall in love. We fear she may not be who
she says she is.Beginning: Carol’s paying her bill at the cash register. She
notices Jim and Jim Jr. in a booth. She drops her change on the
floor. (Internal dilemma) Jim hesitates to help (flashback to a
moment with Jane) but decides to pick up the coins for her.Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Jim hands her the coins. He’s about
to go back to his seat when Carol asks if she could join them.Ending: Jim and Carol hit it off. (Surprise) Carol tells Jim she
too is a journalist – a local investigative newspaper reporter.15)
INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – EVENING
“Sal” calls Jim to collect a large
gambling debt. Sal’s friendly but intimidating. Jim says the casino
okay-ed a large credit line because of his notoriety.Scene Arc: From Jim enjoying time with his son to him getting a
threatening phone call.Essence: Jim’s gambling addiction is getting serious.
Conflict: Can he stop? How will he pay his debt?
Subtext: Sal seems to know too much about Jim’s past. Is he
really who he says he is?Hope/fear: We hope Jim can pay up and not get hurt. We fear he’ll
continue.Beginning: (Suspense) The phone rings. Heavy breathing. Then a man
with a heavy Brooklyn accent introduces himself as “Sal the
friendly collections man” from the casino.Middle: Sal “explains” how his debt collection plan will play
out. (Mystery) But he starts out with a knock-knock joke –
something Jim often uses with friends.Ending: (Mystery) Sal ends the conversation with knowledge of a
childhood event only Jim would know.16)
INT. JIM’S BEDROOM – DAY
Jim sorts through Jane’s documents and finds picture of him and
Jane. He turns it over and sees a phone number. He calls. It’s the
FBI.Scene Arc: From Jim cleaning up Jane’s things to learning she
was in contact with the FBI.Essence: Jim’s being watched by the FBI.
Conflict: Will Jim be arrested for war crimes?
Subtext: Jane was working with the FBI behind his back.
Hope/fear: We hope he isn’t under investigation and is the hero
we think he is. We fear he’s not.Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Jim sorts through papers,
pictures in her nightstand. He comes across a picture with a phone
number on the back. Jim Jr. surprises him and asks if mommy ever
coming back.Middle: (Internal dilemma) After finding Ted’s number hidden in
Jane’s things Jim is hesitant to call the number.Ending: Jim calls: “Good afternoon, FBI – how can I be of
assistance?”17)
INT. TV STATION – DAY
Jim learns his News Director boss has
been fired and replaced by Carl, a German/American.Scene Arc: From Jim starting a new work day to learning he has a
new boss.Essence: Jim’s working world has become more challenging.
Conflict: After fighting Germans in Europe Jim has deep
resentment working with Carl.Subtext: Jim doesn’t like Carl.
Hope/fear: We hope they can get along. We fear Jim will get
fired.Beginning: (Surprise) Jim enters his bosses office to find blonde
hair-blue eyed Carl behind the desk. (Intrigue) The entire room is
decorated in black and red (German WW2 colors).Middle: Jim and his new boss exchange small talk. Carl’s
authoritative. They’re both suspicious of the other. (Intrigue) Carl
is guarded about his background. What’s he hiding?Ending: (Mystery) Jim leaves. What happened to his old boss?
18)
INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Jim and his son eat dinner and talk baseball. Sal calls. He tells
Jim he has ten days to pay his debt or the next murder story he’ll
cover will involve a family member.Scene Arc: From dinner with his son to getting an impossible
deadline to meet and a death threat.Essence: Maximum pressure on Jim already reeling from Jane’s
death and a high pressure job.Conflict: Can Jim meet Sal’s deadline?
Subtext: It’s an impossible demand with his low salary.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim can somehow pay Sal. We fear he can’t.
Beginning: Jim’s on edge. The phone rings and he drops his glass
on the floor. He ignores the ringing and cleans up. It gets louder
and louder. (Internal dilemma) To answer or not… now it’s
deafening. He picks up. It’s Sal again.Middle: Sal tells Jim another knock-knock joke. (Mystery) This
one’s about one of Jim’s wartime experiences involving an affair he
had.Ending: (Major twist) Sal gives Jim ten days to pay or the next
murder story he’ll cover will involve a family member.19)
EXT. GAS STATION – NIGHT
DING! The gas tank’s full. Jim, wearing a fake beard takes payment
from the driver. The driver recognizes him and says he’s doing a
great job on TV.Scene Arc: From Jim moonlighting in a disguise to being
recognized by a TV viewer.Essence: Jim must work a lousy second job to pay Sal. Honest guy
trying to survive.Conflict: A war hero and popular TV Crime Reporter risks
embarrassment working at a gas station.Subtext: Jim will do whatever it takes to work through it all.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim will get a raise at the TV station and
won’t need to moonlight. We fear he won’t.Beginning: (Surprise) Closed eyes from exhaustion and disgust.
He’s a gas station attendant pumping gas into a prewar junker. Under
the beard we realize it’s Jim.Middle: The old lady gives Jim a dime tip. (Internal dilemma)
Jim’s appreciative but he knows that moonlighting pumping gas won’t
cut it.Ending: (Uncomfortable moment/Surprise) The woman thanks Jim for
his service – his wartime service. She knew who he was the
whole time.20)
INT. JIM’S LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Jim Jr., in his wheelchair watches a TV cartoon, giggles. But
Sal’s threatening phone calls have pushed Jim to the brink. Jim
slowly approaches his son from behind, about to strangle him. Just
inches from the boys neck, Jim stops and breaks down.Scene Arc: From Jim alone at the table to nearly killing his
son.Essence: Jim’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Conflict: He’s torn between fighting to survive and giving up
hope.Subtext: Jim has hit rock bottom. But he’s still strong enough to
continue.Hope/fear: We hope Jim can turn his life around. We fear it will
get worse.Beginning: Goofy cartoon music. Jim Jr., in his wheelchair, his
back to his dad laughs. (Internal dilemma) Jim’s doubled over on the
couch. Should he do the unthinkable? He stands and slowly approaches
his son.Middle: (Character changes radically) With fire in his eyes Jim is
about to strangle the boy.Ending: Junior laughs and tells dad how much he loves him.
(Internal dilemma) Can he really do this? Jim stops inches way and
drops to his knees sobbing.21)
INT. JIM’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jim’s in bed with Carol. He asks her for help investigating Sal.
Scene Arc: From playful canoodling to Carol agreeing to help Jim
expose Sal.Essence: Jim uses their relationship to find his tormentor.
Conflict: Will she help? He’s a competitor after all. And does
she really love him?Subtext: Jim fully trusts her but should he?
Hope/fear: We hope Carol will help uncover Sal’s real identity.
We fear she has her own agenda.Beginning: (Mystery) Jim and Carol are kissing. Jim stops and asks
why he’s never seen her at one of his crime story locations. The
subject is dropped as they get more amorous.Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) After sex, she tells him she’s been
working on a secret project.Ending: (Mislead/Reveal) The kiss goodnight at the front door.
Carol says her father is a state senator and she’ll ask him for help
in tracking down Sal.22)
INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Sal calls Jim. He starts off with a knock-knock joke and then goes
off the rails demanding payment. His worst call yet. Jim offers his
services as a hitman to pay off his debt. They agree to meet.Scene Arc: From an even crazier Sal collection call to a Jim
proposing a meeting.Essence: Jim’s had enough of Sal and his threats.
Conflict: What will happen when they meet?
Subtext: Jim will kill Sal.
Hope/fear: We hope they can work things out. We fear Jim will get
killed.Beginning: (Surprise) Jim answers Sal’s call but this time he’s
furious.Middle: (Major twist) After Sal reveals another event in Sal’s
life via a knock-knock joke, Jim takes charge of the conversation.
From hunted to hunter. He offers his services as a hitman in lieu of
cash payment of his debt.Ending: (Suspense) Sal agrees to the meeting. Jim loads a gun as
he ends the call.23)
EXT. PARK – NIGHT
Jim waits for Sal but he doesn’t show up.
Scene Arc: From Jim waiting for Sal to frustrated Jim driving
away.Essence: Sal reneges on his agreed meeting with Jim.
Conflict: Why didn’t Sal show up?
Subtext: Sal didn’t live up to his word. He’s toying with Jim.
Hope/fear: We hope Sal decided the whole thing isn’t worth it. We
fear Sal has bigger plans.Beginning: Jim sitting on a bench fondles his gun in his pocket.
Where is this Sal guy? (Uncertainty) A shadowy figure approaches.
It’s a patrolman, not Sal.Middle: (Suspense) The cop wants to know why Jim’s there late at
night. He notices something in Jim’s jacket pocket. He tells Jim to
stand but realizes who he is and lets him go.Ending: (Intrigue) As the cop leaves he turns and tells Jim to
send his regards to Sal.24)
EXT. ALLEY – DAY
Jim and his cameraman are at a murder scene. A cop pulls away the
sheet – it’s Jim’s father.Scene Arc: From Jim talking sports with a detective to
realizing the victim is his father.Essence: Sal’s threat has become a reality.
Conflict: Jim desperately needs Carol’s help to find Sal.
Subtext: Why isn’t Jim distraught after seeing his dead father?
Hope/fear: We hope Jim finds Sal soon. We fear that he won’t and
Sal will kill again.Beginning: (Unique setting) A white sheet covers a body sprawled
at home plate at a sandlot baseball field. Jim arrives with his
cameraman and asks the cops to show him the victim. It’s his father.Middle: (Major twist) After doing his standup, a woman reporter
strikes up a conversation with him. She works for the same local
paper as Carol. Jim says she must know her. The woman asks if he’s
kidding because she’s Carol Newhouse!Ending: (Mystery) So who is the woman Jim’s been involved with?
25)
EXT. TELEPHONE BOOTH – DAY
Angry and confused, Jim calls Carol’s newspaper. Her boss tells
him Carol’s already at the murder scene where Jim was.Scene Arc: From Jim calling Carol’s workplace to him being told
the woman he just met is the real Carol Newhouse.Essence: The woman Jim’s been dating and relying on for help
finding Sal is really someone else.Conflict: Jim must find out who Carol really is.
Subtext: He will have to deal with her.
Hope/fear: We hope Carol is really in love with Jim. We fear
she’s out to get him.Beginning: (Suspense) As nervous and upset as we have ever seen
him, Jim frantically dials Carol’s newspaper. But the phone rejects
his change. Others wait on line for him to finish his call. He bangs
and shakes it and it finally works.Middle: (Mystery) Carol’s boss tells Jim that the woman he just
met is the real Carol and he doesn’t know of any other by that name.
Is Jim being set up?Ending: (Suspense) Jim jumps into his car and races off.
26)
INT. CAROL’S APARTMENT – DAY
The door opens and there stands a little old lady. Jim asks for
Carol but the woman says she never heard of her.Scene Arc: From Jim calling on Carol to learning she really
doesn’t live there.Essence: Proof Carol’s not really Carol.
Conflict: Jim’s ashamed for allowing himself to be fooled like
this.Subtext: He believes Carol is somehow working with Sal.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim’s wrong, We fear he’s right.
Beginning: (Suspense) As Jim is about to knock on the door he
hears a gunshot inside. He knocks and asks if they’re okay. After a
long pause a little old lady answers. The gunshot was on TV.Middle: (Intrigue) From the front door Jim sees a whole different
set of furniture. But a picture of Carol remains on the living room
table.Ending: (Mystery) How is this woman connected to Carol? What is
she hiding?27)
INT. CASINO – EVENING
Jim gambles at the poker table. It’s as if he’s at there for the
first time.Scene Arc: From Jim entering the casino to him leaving having
lost even more.Essence: Jim’s gambling habit is getting worse.
Conflict: Jim is allowed to continue to gamble despite his
previous losses and debt.Subtext: Why does the casino continue to allow him gamble?
Hope/fear: We hope Jim will come to his sense and stop drinking
and gambling. We fear that he won’t.Beginning: (Intrigue) The pit boss welcomes Jim to the poker table
with open arms. Strange since he’s raked up huge gambling debt and
Sal may kill him because of it.Middle: (Surprise) Jim’s suddenly on a winning streak and the
chips pile up. (Mystery) He sees Vince, the pit boss on the phone.
Vince nods: “You got it Sal”. He, hangs up and approaches Jim.
With a pat on the back Vince tells Jim he has unlimited credit.Ending: (Intrigue) Jim loses a hand and leaves the table a winner
but doesn’t cash in his chips. Why wouldn’t he?28)
INT. CARL’S OFFICE – DAY
Carl berates Jim for pestering the newspaper assignment editor
over Carol. Jim imagines Carl is a German officer interrogating him.Scene Arc: From Carl berating Jim to Jim storming out of his
office.Essence: Jim has a deep hatred for his new boss.
Conflict: Is Jim losing his grip on reality? Will he get violent
with Carl?Subtext: Jim’s flashback means the war really didn’t end for
him.Hope/fear: We hope Jim regains his composure and thinks clearly.
We fear he may be beyond that.Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Carl yells at Jim. Jim sees him as
a German officer during an interrogation.Middle: (Misinterpretation) Carl says Jim will be suspended for a
week without pay but Jim hears Carl telling him he’ll spend a week
“in the cooler”.Ending: (Suspense) Jim stands and salutes. This is war!
29)
EXT. LAS VEGAS TIMES – DAY
At the crime scene Jim learns the
murder victim is his boss Carl!Scene Arc: From Jim’s first day back from suspension to him
realizing the murder victim is his boss.Essence: Sal won’t stop unless he’s stopped!
Conflict: Jim must think clearly after the deaths of his father
and boss.Subtext: Sal and/or Carol have framed Jim.
Hope/fear: We hope the cops don’t pin this on Jim. We fear they
will.Beginning: (More interesting setting) The crime scene: a dumpster
outside Carol’s newspaper building. The murder victim Jim’s boss
Carl. He has a newspaper stuffed into his mouth.Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Detective Al is back. Jim wants to
interview him but Al declines and instead questions Jim about his
relationship with Carl.Ending: (Major twist) Jim leaves as a prime suspect.
30)
INT. JIM’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
The doorbell rings – it’s the cops.
Scene Arc: From Jim’s day off bonding with his son to shooting
himself.Essence: The walls have finally closed in.
Conflict: Will he live? Why was he arrested? What will happen to
Jr.?Subtext: Jim’s involved in the two murders.
Hope/fear: We hope he’s not involved. It doesn’t look good.
Beginning: (Intrigue) The wooden Knock-Hockey puck slides through
the hole. Jim Jr. beats his dad! The phone and doorbell ring at the
same time. Jim answers the door.Middle: (Major twist) The phone rings as Detective Al and company
question Jim about the murders of his father and boss. Jim pleads for
Al to answer the phone and talk to Sal himself.Ending: (Suspense) Al agrees and answers the phone. It’s a sales
call from a vacuum company. Jim’s arrested. (Major twist) Jim grabs
Al’s gun and shoots himself.31)
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Jim’s wounded but will live. Friend
Carol Newhouse is by his side along with a few cops. We see Carol’s
ID badge: “FBI”. (I need to find another law enforcement agency
since there were no female FBI agents until the early 70s).Scene Arc: From Jim awakening from an operation to his formal
arrest.Essence: Jim’s hallucinations have led to this.
Conflict: Jim can’t believe Carol isn’t who she said she was.
Subtext: Carol’s “betrayal” by is more painful for Jim than
the rest of the reveals.Hope/fear: We hope Jim will be given consideration after his war
service during his trail. We fear he’ll face life in prison or the
death penalty.Beginning: (Major twist) Carol appears for the first time since
ghosting Jim. She’s at his bedside and she’s an FBI Agent, not a
newspaper reporter.Middle: (Major twists) Carol sums it all up: Jim hallucinated
Sal. Sal was a real gangster but died 20 years ago. Jim, delusional
also killed his father and his boss and never really went back to the
casino after his very first visit. Jim was a war hero – the teens
he killed in the French church were in fact German’s posing as French
kids.Ending: (Uncertainty) Jim’s future – jail time? The death
penalty? -
Module 4 Lesson 9
My vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters and to have a speaking line in at
least one of them.What I learned from this assignment:
Working five key ingredients into each scene to make it more
powerful.SUPER: “FRANCE, 1944”
EXT. CHURCH – DAY
Jim, gravely wounded reaches two badly
shot buddies by the door. Vision blurred by blood in his eyes, Jim
kicks the door open, ducks and rolls a grenade under the pews. Two
nuns scatter. BOOM! Four German teens dressed as civilians killed. He
drags his buddies to safety under heavy fire.Scene Arc: From ordinary soldier Jim to winning the Medal of
Honor.Essence: Jim’s incredible heroism. Never realized he had it in
him.Conflict: The four teens killed were unarmed. Did he murder
innocent civilians?Subtext: Before passing out, one of the soldiers Jim saved calls
Jim a murderer.Hope/fear: We hope Jim really killed four German soldiers and it
wasn’t an illusion. We’re afraid they were really innocent
civilians.EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY
Jim pinches his eyes. It’s a flashback
he wants to shake. The war’s over! He weaves through soldiers and
loved ones and rejoins his wife and wheelchair-bound son in an
emotional reunion. He bends down to hug Jim Jr. and a flask of booze
falls out of his pocket.Scene Arc: From Jim revealing his personal hell while getting off
a troop train to rejoining his family and accidentally revealing his
drinking problem.Essence: Jim is not the same man he was before the war.
Conflict: Jane’s realizes her husband is a drinker.
Subtext: Jim’s pretending life will be the same as it was before
the war.Hope/fear: We hope the war hasn’t destroyed Jim. But it might
have.INT. JIM’S LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Jim and his buddies play poker. Jane serves sandwiches like an
obedient cliched 1940s wife. Jim – always under control – loses
a hand and turns over the table and reaches for a gun.Scene Arc: From cool ‘ol Jim to a quick tempered stranger.
Essence: Jim’s not the same man who left for wartime Europe.
Conflict: Jim’s restrained by friends nearly resulting in a
shooting.Subtext: Jim tells a knock-knock joke to make it seem
everything’s okay.Hope/fear: We hope Jim isn’t losing control of himself. Drinking
and temper flareups say otherwise.INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – DAY
While sorting through bills Jim gets a phone call and is offered
a job interview with a local Las Vegas TV station.Scene Arc: From Jim agonizing over unpaid bills to him possibly
getting his dream job.Essence: His life is about to change.
Conflict: With no journalism experience Jim needs to prove he can
do the job.Subtext: Jim has self doubts.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim gets the job but his lack of experience
and deteriorating character may ruin his chances.EXT. JIM’S CAR – DAY
Jim gets into his car. Ted, one of the two soldiers Jim saved
during the church killings during the war approaches with a Bible
under his arm. Ted tells Jim that he will soon face a reckoning about
what really happened in the French church.Scene Arc: From Jim going to his big interview to apprehension
over Ted’s remarks.Essence: Jim’s life may soon change – for the worse.
Conflict: Instead of Ted being grateful to Jim for saving his
life he threatens to destroy him.Subtext: In a “chance meeting”, Ted gives Jim a veiled threat
that he’ll snitch on him to the Feds.Hope/fear: We hope Ted is just a shell shocked loony. We fear
Ted’s threat will become reality.INT. TV STATION – DAY
Jim gets the job. He’ll be the station’s new Crime Reporter.
Scene Arc: From Jim’s early interview stumbles to him winning the
job.Essence: Jim’s Medal of Honor lands him his dream job. He’s the next Edward R. Murrow!
Conflict: Having no journalism experience vs. the high pressure
of TV reporting.Subtext: Jim’s outwardly confident. Deep down he knows it’ll be a
miracle if he lasts.Hope/fear: We hope Jim will be a hit with viewers. We fear he’ll
flop.INT. LOCAL CASINO – EVENING
Jim’s on a losing streak at the poker table.
Scene Arc: From Jim welcomed as a war hero to him racking up big
gambling losses.Essence: Jim’s background can only take him so far.
Conflict: Jim needs to win to pay off Jane’s medical bills but
he’s losing big.Subtext: The pit boss makes a phone call while watching Jim
gamble. Something’s up.Hope/fear: We hope Jim can control his gambling. Our fear is it
will get worse.INT. DINER – EVENING
Jim and Jim Jr. eat dinner. Carol
Newhouse drops change at the cash register. Jim picks up all the
coins. She recognizes him as the local war hero. There’s seems to be
a connection.Scene Arc: From a lonely widower having dinner with his son to
meeting a possible new love interest.Essence: Jim’s chance meeting with Carol – a local Las Vegas
investigative newspaper reporter – could change the direction of
his life.Conflict: Jim is torn between dating again soon after his wife’s
death or moving on. And Carol’s a competitor on the local news
scene.Subtext: Carol’s dropping of coins at the cash register seemed intentional.
Hope/fear: We hope they fall in love. We fear she may not be who
she says she is.EXT. CRIME SCENE – DAY
Jim’s first assignment. A liquor store holdup. The owner is
covered by a bloody sheet. Jim’s unfazed but stumbles through his
stand up. Pure amateur. Oh-oh…Scene Arc: From Jim’s arrival to the crime scene to him
butchering his report and taking a swig from his whiskey flask.Essence: Jim isn’t fazed by horrific violence. But he has no on-air
skills.Conflict: Jim’s TV handsome and likable but not ready for the
job.Subtext: His war experience could save him.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim won’t get fired. We fear he will.
INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – EVENING
“Sal”, a local Vegas crime boss
calls Jim to collect a large gambling debt. Sal’s friendly but
intimidating. Jim claims the casino okay-ed a large credit line
because of his notoriety.Scene Arc: From Jim enjoying time with his son to him getting a
threatening phone call from a mobster.Essence: Jim’s gambling addiction is becoming life threatening.
Conflict: Will Jim stop gambling? How can he pay the debt?
Subtext: Sal seems to know too much about Jim’s past. Is he
really who he says he is?Hope/fear: We hope Jim can pay up and not get hurt. We fear he’ll
continue.INT. JIM’S BEDROOM – DAY
Jim sorts through Jane’s documents and finds a strange card. He
calls the number. It’s the FBI.Scene Arc: From Jim cleaning up Jane’s things to learning she
was in contact with the FBI.Essence: Jim’s being watched by the FBI.
Conflict: Will Jim be arrested? Is he really a war criminal?
Subtext: Jane was working with the FBI behind his back.
Hope/fear: We hope he isn’t under investigation and is the hero
we think he is. We fear he’s not.INT. TV STATION – DAY
Jim learns his News Director boss has
been replaced by blond-hair blue eyed Carl, a German/American.Scene Arc: From Jim starting a new work day to learning he has a
new boss.Essence: Jim’s working world is changing.
Conflict: After fighting Germans in Europe Jim has deep
resentment working with Carl.Subtext: Jim and Carl don’t like each other.
Hope/fear: We hope they can get along. We fear Jim will get
fired.INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Jim and his son eat dinner and talk baseball. Sal calls. He tells
Jim he has ten days to pay his debt or the next murder story he’ll
cover will involve a family member.Scene Arc: From dinner with his son to getting an impossible
deadline to meet and a death threat.Essence: Maximum pressure on Jim already reeling from Jane’s
death and a high pressure job.Conflict: Can Jim meet Sal’s deadline?
Subtext: It’s an impossible demand with his low salary.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim can somehow pay Sal. We fear he can’t.
EXT. GAS STATION – NIGHT
DING! The gas tank’s full. Jim, wearing a fake beard takes payment
from the driver. The driver recognizes him and says he’s doing a
great job on TV.Scene Arc: From Jim moonlighting wearing a disguise to being
recognized by a viewer.Essence: Jim must work a lousy second job to pay Sal. Honest guy
trying to survive.Conflict: A war hero and popular TV Crime Reporter risks
embarrassment working at a gas station.Subtext: Jim will do whatever it takes to work through it all.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim will get a raise at the TV station and
won’t need to moonlight. We fear he won’t.INT. JIM’S LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Jim Jr., in his wheelchair watches a TV cartoon, giggles. But
Sal’s threatening phone calls have pushed Jim to the brink. Jim
slowly approaches his son from behind, about to strangle him. Just
inches from the boys neck, Jim stops and breaks down.Scene Arc: From Jim crying at the table to nearly killing his
son.Essence: Jim’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
Conflict: Jim’s torn between fighting to survive and giving up
hope.Subtext: Jim has hit rock bottom. But he’s still strong enough to
continue.Hope/fear: We hope Jim can turn his life around. We fear it will
get worse.INT. JIM’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Sal calls Jim. He starts off with a knock-knock joke and then goes
off the rails demanding payment. Jim says he was a crack shot in the
army and offers his services as a hitman to pay off his debt. They
agree to meet.Scene Arc: From an even crazier Sal collection call to a Jim
proposing an in-person meeting.Essence: Jim’s had enough of Sal and his threats.
Conflict: What will happen when they meet?
Subtext: Jim will kill Sal.
Hope/fear: We hope they can work things out. We fear Jim will get
killed.INT. JIM’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jim’s in bed with Carol. He asks her for help investigating Sal.
She’s reluctant but agrees.Scene Arc: From playful canoodling to Jim asking her for help.
Essence: Jim uses his relationship with her to find and expose
his tormentor.Conflict: Will she help Jim? He’s a competitor after all. And is
she really in love with him?Subtext: Jim fully trusts her. Should he?
Hope/fear: We hope Carol will help uncover Sal’s real identity.
We fear she has her own agenda.EXT. PARK – NIGHT
Jim, waiting for Sal checks the bullets in his gun. Sal never
shows up.Scene Arc: From Jim waiting for Sal to Jim driving away.
Essence: Sal reneges on his agreed meeting with Jim.
Conflict: Why didn’t Sal show up? What will Jim do now?
Subtext: Sal didn’t live up to his word. That can’t be good.
Hope/fear: We hope Sal decided the whole thing isn’t worth it. We
fear Sal has bigger plans.EXT. ALLEY – DAY
Jim and his cameraman are at a murder scene. A cop pulls the sheet
off the victim – it’s Jim’s father. Jim unemotional.Scene Arc: From Jim talking sports with a detective to
realizing the victim is his father.Essence: Sal’s threat has become reality.
Conflict: Jim desperately needs Carol’s help but has to keep
their relationship a secret.Subtext: Why wasn’t Jim distraught seeing his dead father?
Hope/fear: We hope Jim finds Sal soon. We fear that he won’t and
Sal will kill again.INT. CASINO – EVENING
Jim gambles at the poker table. But it’s as if he’s at the casino
for the first time.Scene Arc: From Jim entering the casino to him leaving having
lost even more.Essence: Jim’s gambling habit is getting worse.
Conflict: Jim is allowed to continue to gamble despite his
previous losses and debt.Subtext: Why does the casino continue to allow him gamble?
Hope/fear: We hope Jim will come to his sense and stop drinking
and gambling. We fear that he won’t.INT. CARL’S OFFICE – DAY
Carl berates Jim over one of his crime reports. Jim’s flashback:
Carl is a German officer interrogating him.Scene Arc: From Carl berating Jim to Jim storming out of his
office in a cold sweat.Essence: Jim has developed a deep hatred for his boss.
Conflict: Is Jim losing his grip on reality? Will he get violent
with Carl?Subtext: Jim’s flashback means the war really didn’t end for
him.Hope/fear: We hope Jim regains his composure and deals with his
problems. We fear he may be beyond that point.INT. BAR – DAY
A customer is dead, beaten to death. A
cop pulls back the sheet: It’s Carl! Carol is there covering the
story as well.Scene Arc: From just another crime scene to Jim realizing the
victim is his boss.Essence: Sal won’t stop unless he’s stopped!
Conflict: Jim must keep his cool after seeing his father and
boss killed.Subtext: It’s odd that this happened right after Jim’s
contentious meeting with Carl.Hope/fear: We hope catches or kills Sal. We fear Jim’s his next
victim.INT. JIM’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
The wooden Knock-Hockey puck scores a goal for Jim Jr. The
doorbell rings – it’s the cops. Jim’s arrested. He grabs a cops gun
and shoots himself.Scene Arc: From Jim’s day off bonding with his son to his
arrest and possible suicide.Essence: The walls have closed in on him and he might die.
Conflict: Will he live? Why was he arrested? What will happen to
Jr.?Subtext: Jim’s involved in the two murders.
Hope/fear: We hope he’s not involved. We fear he is.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Jim’s wounded but will live. Carol is
by his side along with a few cops. We see Carol’s ID badge: “FBI”.Scene Arc: From Jim awakening from an operation to his formal
arrest and an explanation of all that happened to him .Essence: Jim hallucinated Sal – Carol tells him Sal was a real
gangster who died 20 years before. His subsequent visits to the casino were alos imagined by him. Jim — delusional — also murdered his
father and his boss. But her investigation shows Jim was indeed a war
hero – the teens he killed in the French church were indeed
German’s who were out of uniform.Conflict: Jim can’t believe Carol wasn’t who she said she was.
Subtext: Jim’s betrayed by Carol more than anything else.
Hope/fear: We hope Jim will be given some consideration after having been exonerated for his war
service. We fear he’ll face life in prison or the death penalty. -
Module 4 Lesson 8 Turning Drama Into
IntrigueMy vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters and to have a speaking line in at
least one of them.What I learned from this assignment:
How to create intrigue in each Act.Act 1:
Cover up: Jim’s flashback: With wounded
buddies lying near the front door, Jim fires into a French church
killing who he thinks are four German soldiers – teens in civilian
clothes – who he believes are about to blow up the church. He
carries his wounded pals back to safety. Later, one wounded buddy
testifies to the brass that Jim’s action was heroic. But not the
other.Mystery: Is Jim a legitimate war hero
or a war criminal?Scheme: After the war Ted, the other wounded buddy saved by Jim
just happens to “bump into him”. Ted, now a born again Christian
threatens Jim saying the truth will come out about his war crime.Covert Agenda: Ted notifies the FBI with information about Jim’s
WWII incident.Hidden Identity/Bonding: Jim meets
Carol Newhouse “by chance” at a diner when she drops change at
the cash register. She claims to be a local investigative newspaper
reporter.Secret: Jim sneaks off to a local
casino and loses big at poker. Jane has no idea he’s gambling.Intrigue: “Sal”, a local Vegas
crime boss calls Jim to collect Jim’s large gambling debt. He gives
Jim ten days to pay or Jim will be covering news reports about his
dead family members.Intrigue: Sal somehow knows too much
about Jim’s life history.Hidden Identity: Is Sal really who he
says he is?Act 2:
Secret: Jane develops a nasty cough but
tells Jim it’s nothing. She visits a doctor on her own and discovers
she has terminal cancer but doesn’t tell Jim.Secret: Shortly after Jane dies Jim
discovers paperwork she hid about his war past. Did Ted give it to
her? How long did she know?Hidden Identity: Although Jim is now a
popular TV Crime reporter in his Las Vegas hometown, the pay’s
lousy. He wears a disguise and moonlights at a gas station.Mystery: Jim’s new News Director boss
quits, replaced by no-nonsense Carl, a German/American. Not a good
situation for Jim who has deep animosity from the war.Intrigue: Jim asks Carol for help
uncovering Sal’s identity. Will she?Act 3:
Scheme: Losing his wife, his gambling
debts and Sal’s threatening phone calls has Jim on the brink of
suicide. Jim — a crack shot in the army — offers to meet Sal in
person and offer his services as a hit man to pay off his gambling
debt. But Jim is really meeting him to kill him.Mystery: Sal doesn’t show up at their
meeting. Why?Hidden Identity: Carol is really an FBI
agent investigating Jim’s Medal of Honor incident in France.Mystery: Carl sends Jim to cover a
murder story. At the crime scene the victim is Jim’s father!Act 4:
Covert Agenda: Jim and Carol’s business
relationship is now a full blown affair. Jim demands answers about
what she found out about Sal. Instead, she’s close to uncovering the
truth behind Jim’s possible war crime.Mystery: Jim’s sent on another murder
story. The victim this time is his boss Carl!Surprise/Hidden Identity/Betrayal: At
Jim’s hospital bedside Carol reveals who she really is – an FBI
agent investigating Jim’s church shooting incident. He was setup.
Jim learns “Sal” was really a ruthless mobster but died twenty
years earlier. Sal’s threatening phone calls were a figment of Jim’s
imagination. So where the murders of his father and
his boss Carl when he was on news assignments. He killed them
thinking they were German officers. Carol tells Jim that his church
shooting incident was indeed justified and the teens he shot were in
fact young German soldiers. -
Module 4 Lesson 7 Depth – Emotional
MomentsMy vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters and to have a speaking line in at
least one of them.What I learned from this assignment:
Creating 2-4 emotionally powerful scenes in each act.Act 1:
Love: Jim “Ace” McCarthy (25) steps off the troop train, a WW
II Medal of Honor winner finally home at war’s end. At the platform
he joins loving wife Jane (23), his high school sweetheart) and
10-year-old son, in a wheelchair stricken with Polio.Love: Jim breaks down as he and Jane kiss – similar to the
famous Life Magazine cover of a soldier kissing a nurse in Times
Square.Excitement: Jim accepts a job as a TV Crime Reporter in his Las
Vegas hometown. It’s a dream come true for him – someone who
idolized war correspondent Edward R. Murrow while growing up.Distress: Jim and Jane learn she has terminal cancer. He struggles
hard to keep his emotions in check. After all, Medal of Honor winners
don’t cry. He begins to drink heavily and rack up large losses at the
casino.Act 2:
Dilemma: Jim’s wartime flashbacks begin and they’re fuzzy – he
guns down four teens in a French church and saves two wounded buddies
but it isn’t clear to him if they were German soldiers or civilians
(he won his medal for this action).Distress: Jane dies. Jim is outwardly strong. But between her
death and the pressure of paying off his gambling debts to Sal (Sal
gave him ten days to pay or the murder victims Jim will encounter
while doing his TV crime reports will be his own family members),
he’s becoming a hallucinating wreck.Bonding: Jim falls for Carol Newhouse,
a woman posing as a local newspaper reporter. He wants her to help
him uncover the identity of “Sal” who is now calling Jim
relentlessly to collect Jim’s debt. Carol is really and FBI agent
working undercover to investigate Jim’s wartime incident.Hidden Weakness: Carol isn’t sure she
can handle this assignment – being a woman in the FBI (late 1940s)
and possibly bringing down a war hero. She overcompensates by being
tough.Act 3:
Courage: Jim, now a very well known Las
Vegas TV crime reporter gets a moonlighting job – working in a gas
station. Humiliating when people recognize him. But it has to be done
to make ends meet.Wounds: Losing his wife and his
gambling debts has Jim on the brink of suicide. His son is in a
wheelchair with his back to Jim watching a TV cartoon. Jim quietly
approaches his with a rope about to strangle him but stops just in
time.Love: Jim falls to his knees crying.
Jim. Jr. innocently wheels around and with total joys tells him,
“Daddy I love you so much. We’ll be okay.”Distress: Sal’s phone calls are
intolerable – jokes followed by threats at all hours.Distress: At a murder scene Jim
discovers a missing “tourist”, whose body was discovered after a
long search is his father. It looks like Sal’s threat has become
reality.Act 4:
Distress: Another murder scene. This
time the victim is Jim’s News Director boss!Surprise: Jim is arrested at the crime
scene charged with murdering his father and boss.Betrayal: At Jim’s hospital bedside
Carol reveals who she really is – an FBI agent investigating Jim’s
church shooting incident. He was setup.Surprise: Jim learns “Sal” was
really a ruthless mobster but died twenty years earlier.Surprise: Sal’s threatening phone calls
were a figment of Jim’s imagination.Surprise: Jim is the one who murdered
his father and his boss when he was on a news assignment. He realizes
he killed them thinking they were German officers.Surprise: Carol tells Jim that his
church shooting incident was indeed justified and the teens he shot
were in fact young German soldiers.Surprise: Jim was allowed to gamble at
the casino after receiving Sal’s threatening phone calls because he
imagined it. He actually never gambled again after Sal’s calls began. -
Joel Stern’s Reveals!
Module 4 Lesson 6
My vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters and to have a speaking line in at
least one of them.What I learned from this assignment:
Placing surprising twists (with setups) in each of the four Acts.Act 1 Reveal: Protagonist Jim became an alcoholic while
fighting in WWII. This reveal takes place in the opening scene as he
reunites with his wife and son at the train station after returning
from Europe.Setup: A whiskey flask
drops from his back pocket when he bends down to hug hiswheelchair-bound son.
Reveal: Wife Jane has
cancer.Setup: She has an
occasional cough; leaves blood stain on bed sheet.Act 2 Reveal: Jim’s wartime
flashbacks begin and they’re fuzzy – he guns down four teens in a
French church and saves two wounded buddies but now it isn’t clear
to him if they were German soldiers or civilians (he won a Medal of
Honor for this).Setup: While on a hike
with his Cub Scouts, Jim hallucinates and “sees Krauts” in the
woodsjust like when he fought
in Europe. Kids are scared; parents demand he quit.Setup: Jim meets Carol
Newhouse, a local investigative newspaper reporter at a diner when
she “accidentally” drops change at the
cash register. They begin dating. Jim asks her to help him uncover
Sal’s identity.Act 3 Setup: Antagonist “Sal”, a
mobster harassing Jim with threatening phone calls to collect Jim’s
gambling debts seems to know too much about Jim and his his life
story.Setup: Jim sets up a
personal meeting with Sal but Sal fails to show up. Carol spies on
this event.Setup: For some strange
reason Jim is allowed to continue to gamble at the local casino where
he piled up big losses.Act 4: Reveal: At Jim’s hospital
bedside Carol reveals who she really is – an FBI agent
investigating Jim’s church shooting incident.Reveal: Carol tells Jim
“Sal” really was a ruthless mobster and didn’t show for the
meeting because he died twenty years ago. Sal’s threatening phone
calls were a figment of Jim’s imagination.Reveal: Jim is the one who
murdered his father and his boss when he was on a news assignment.
Jim was temporarily insane and killed them thinking they were German
officers.Reveal: Carol tells Jim
that his church shooting incident was indeed justified and the teens
he shot were in fact young German soldiers.Reveal: Jim was allowed to
gamble at the casino after receiving Sal’s threatening phone calls
because he imagined it.Story so far:
Act 1: Jim “Ace” McCarthy (25) steps off the troop train,
a WW II Medal of Honor winner finally home at war’s end. At the
platform he joins loving wife Jane (23), his high school
sweetheart) and 10-year-old son, in a wheelchair stricken with
Polio. Jim breaks down as he and Jane kiss – a rare outwardly
emotional moment for him.SETUP 1: As he bends down to hug Jim Jr., a whiskey flask falls
from his back pocket.SETUP 2: Jane has a nagging cough. Says she’s had it a while,
nothing to worry about.Inciting Incident: After spending months working low paying odd
jobs, Jim gets a high pressure job as TV Crime Reporter in Las
Vegas. His goal to “be the next Edward R. Murrow” is just
beginning.REVEAL 1: While Jane does dishes, Jim and his son eat
breakfast. Jim pours booze from a whiskey flask on his
cornflakes and hushes his son not to let mom know. Jim plays
poker with his buddies. But after another losing hand he tells
them a corny knock-knock joke and calmly leaves the table. In the
bathroom he punches a hole in the wall. Jim’s clearly a heavy
drinker.REVEAL 2: Jane’s doctor says she has cancer and has just weeks
to live. Jim’s about to be a young widower and lone parent of
his disabled son.Act 2: Jane dies. Stoic Jim takes a disciplined approach to
her death, suppressing deep sorrow in the process. Doesn’t shed
a tear at the funeral. Doesn’t even miss a day at work.SETUP 3: Jim volunteers to be a Cub Scout leader – son Jim
Jr.’s pack. He thinks getting fresh air in the countryside will
help him relax, think clearly.Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Jane’s death, her medical bills,
Jim’s shady wartime past and pressure covering murder stories
turns him to a heavily drinking gambler. Big gambling debt
results in threatening phone calls from “Sal” a powerful
local mobster. Tells Jim he has ten days to pay or the murder
victim’s in his news reports will be family and friends.REVEAL 3: While on a hike with his Cub Scouts, Jim hallucinates
and “sees Krauts” in the woods just like when he fought in
Europe. For the first time we see Jim’s “heroic” act in a
flashback: Just after the Normandy invasion Jim and his platoon
advance through hedgerows to a old church. Locals point to the
church – Germans are inside about to blow it up. Jim and two
buddies approach…his pals are shot. Jim charges inside and guns
down four German soldiers behind the first pew. He approaches
and sees the damage – four dead kids. They weren’t Germans
after all. Or so he thinks.Act 3: Sal proposes a face-to-face meeting with Jim. Maybe
there are “other ways” for Jim to pay off his debt like
working for him.SETUP 4: Jim and his son are eating lunch at a local diner.
Carol Newhouse (25) drops a bunch of change while paying at the
register. Like a good soldier to the rescue, Jim picks up all
the coins. They strike up a conversation and set up a date. She
tells Jim she’s a reporter for the local newspaper. They begin
dating. Jim asks her for help finding “Sal” so he can expose him
and end his harassing collection phone calls. She agrees.Turning Point 3: Sal sounds completely
irrational. He changes course telling Jim he contracted a hit man to
kill him.REVEAL 4: Jim confronts his girlfriend. She’s really FBI agent
Susan Thompson. She’s investigating Jim to find out the real
story behind his WWII heroics. Is he a Medal of Honor winner or a
war criminal?Turning Point 3: Jim fails to pay his debt by the deadline. He’s
sent to cover a murder story. When he arrives he finds the
victim is his father.Act 4 Climax: Jim gets endless phone calls from Sal – every
hour on the hour – a joke followed by vicious threats. Carol
discovers Jim really didn’t commit war crimes – the boys he
shot in the French church really were Germans – young kids
the Nazi’s forced to fight late in the war. Jim is sent to another
crime scene and the victim is his boss.Resolution/Reveal At Jim’s hospital bedside Carol reveals who
she really is. She recaps his war crime – killing four teens
in a church he actually thought were German soldiers. But the
evidence shows they were indeed German soldiers – young kids –
and that he saved a village of innocent civilian from certain
death. But now he faces the murder of his father and his boss
who he hallucinated as being German officers. He also learns
that “Sal” was all in his head. He really was a mob boss
but died 20 years before. -
Joel Stern’s Character Action Tracks!
Module 4 Lesson 5
My vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at
least one of them.What I learned from this assignment:
Staying true to main characters personality profile with each beat.Protagonist: Jim “Ace” McCarthy
Beat 1: FRAGILE. Jim “Ace”
McCarthy (25) steps off the troop train, a WW II Medal of Honor
winner finally home at war’s end. He joins loving wife Jane (23, his
high school sweetheart) and 10-year-old son. Jim breaks down as he
and Jane kiss. He bends down to hug Jim Jr. and a whiskey flask falls
from his back pocket. A very rare emotional moment for Jim.Beat 2: UNDERLYING RAGE: Jim enjoys poker too. But after another
losing hand he tells his pals a joke, calmly leaves the table and
punches a hole in the bathroom wall. His suppressed rage is a key
factor in the murders he commits later on.Beat 3: OUTWARDLY CALM: Jim learns that his wife has a rare form
of terminal cancer but he never shows emotion, odd for such a loving
husband. His wife takes this as his personal strength.Beat 4: STOIC: Jane dies. Jim doesn’t shed a tear at the funeral.
When he and his son return home Jim makes it like it’s just another
day. No visitors to pay respects.Beat 5: LIKEABILTY: Jim becomes a boy scout leader, is great with
kids. Parents like him too.Beat 6: SELF DESTRUCTIVE: Becomes a heavy gambler at local casino.
His huge debt results in harassing phone calls from mobster Sal.
Drinks heavily but is able to conceal it and it adds to his illusions
and distortion of the past.Beat 7: OUTWARDLY CALM: Maintains composure even after Sal gives
him ten days to pay up or face family killings.Beat 8: CHARMING: Meets native American Carol Newhouse, an
undercover FBI agent posing as a local newspaper reporter. He wants
her to help him find and uncover Sal. She falls for him.Beat 9: BREAKING POINT: Goes into a panic when he’s sent to cover
the story of a murdered tourist. It turns out to be his father –
punishment from Sal for not paying his gambling debt. We’ve never
seen this side of Jim. He covers another murder – at the crime
scene he discovers it’s his boss! Carol and other law enforcement
arrive and arrest Jim for committing the murders.At Jim’s hospital bedside Carol reveals who she really is. She
recaps his war crime – killing a group of children in a church he
actually thought were German soldiers. But the evidence shows they
were indeed German soldiers – young kids – and that he saved a
village of innocent civilian from certain death. But now he faces the
murder of his father and his boss who he hallucinated as being German
officers. He also learns that “Sal” was all in his head. He
really was a mob boss but died 20 years before.CAROL NEWHOUSE (FBI Agent)
Beat 1: TRICKY: She casually approaches Jim at a diner and strikes
up a conversation. Tells Jim she’s a local newspaper reporter. She’s
really investigating whether Jim is truly a war hero or a war
criminal. They meet again over coffee. He tells her about Sal’s
harassing phone calls and asks if she could help identify him. She
agrees.Beat 2: WEAK: It’s the late 1940s. Women in the FBI? Maybe, but
after intial work on Jim’s case she’s not going to risk her career by
bending any rules. She hesitates about what to do should Jim really
turn out to be a war criminal. Meanwhile she’s falling for him.Beat 3: DETERMINED: Facing disrespect from (male) fellow agents
over her authority and the fact that she’s “harassing” a Medal of
Honor war hero, Carol summons up her inner strength and actively
pursues the truth about Jim’s past. By stories end she’s well
respected by her male peers. -
Joel Stern’s New Outline Beats!
Module 4 Lesson 4
My Vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line in at least
one).What I learned from this assignment: How to develop an outline using three different methods to check the flow of the plot.
Genre: Thriller
ACT 1: Jim “Ace” McCarthy (25) steps off the train, a WW II
Medal of Honor winner finally home at war’s end. He joins loving wife
Jane (23, his high school sweetheart) and 10-year-old son Jim, Jr.
It’s great to be a civilian again in his Las Vegas hometown!
Flashback: Jim, a lanky 17-year-old pitcher for the local sandlot
team. Bases loaded, score tied, bottom of the ninth. Jim serves up a
“meatball” that’s drilled over the fence for a game winning
homer. A teammate sarcastically calls out: “Way to go, ace!” (“Ace” nickname sticks). His
dad Bill is in the stands disgusted with Jim. Loser kid can’t do
anything right. A flashback shows Bill is an abusive husband and
father.Jim PJ 1: Jim enjoys an occasional drink like his old man. Poker too. No biggie –
drinking and cards… understandable for a battle hardened WW II
hero. Looks for work but it isn’t easy, even for a war hero. Jeez –
he’s not even a high school grad. A few months pass. Jane nags about
money, but they can survive – for now. Her occasional coughs are a
dark cloud on the horizon. They see a specialist.Jim PJ 2: Jim learns that his wife has a rare form of terminal
cancer. After doing odd jobs to make ends he gets a prestigious job
as TV Crime Reporter in Vegas. A new growing industry in the late
’40s. Covers murders. It doesn’t bother him… “seen plenty of
stiffs fighting in Europe”. Begins to have flashbacks about his
Medal of Honor incident in France. Flashback: Two of his platoon
buddies are badly wounded by the front door of a French church. Jim
makes a mad dash to save them dodging a hail of bullets. He
carefully opens the church door – his vision blurs – too much
booze… he sees someone hiding behind the altar; another three more
in the first pew. He throws a grenade into the church…BOOM! Jim
drags his two buddy’s to safety and administers life saving first
aid. Back to the present: Jim, can’t shake the war. He gambles
heavily at local casino racking up sizeable debt. Wears out his hero
status and a generous line of credit.Sal AJ 1: Sal starts harassing Jim with collection phone calls.
Friendly at first, non threatening. Knock-knock jokes that oddly
detail events in Jim’s life only Jim would know. A flashback shows
eight-year-old Jim at the front door watching his dad pay off a loan
shark – after a punch in the face. It’s something young Jim will
never forget. Must be the same guy Sal guy.Deeper Layer: Sal seems to know too much about Jim’s background
and mental state. He knows how to “press Jim’s buttons”. He knows
Jim’s mental profile because he really is Jim!Sal AJ 2: Sal’s phone calls vacillate between a joke-telling
“Goomba” and hysterical psychopath.Jim PJ3: Jane dies. Jim’s a widower with a young kid to raise.
Must maintain his composure – he’s been through hell fighting the
Germans for chrissakes! But how to make ends meet….INCITING INCIDENT: Sal gives Jim an ultimatum: pay your debt or
the murder victims in your TV crime reports will be your loved ones.ACT 2: Grieving Jim is faced with a mobster after him, huge
medical bills and a young child to raise alone. But his soldering
discipline pays off for the time being: he gets a second job – at a
gas station. Embarrassing for him – a local TV celebrity pumping
gas at night.Jim PJ 4: Jim pays back some debt but it’s not enough. Sal’s
calls are more frequent. More drinking, more gambling.Jim PJ5: He meets Carol, a local newspaper reporter. He wants her
help him find and expose Sal.Deeper Layer: Carol is an undercover FBI agent investigating Jim’s
WW II heroics – is Jim really a war criminal instead?Sal PJ 3: Dials back the threats a bit. Tells Jim he’s a WWII vet
also, has a wife and kid. Tells Jim knock-knock jokes. Maybe he’s not
a ruthless psychopath after all.ACT 3: Jim’s TV crime reports turn up horrifying results.
Jim PJ6: He’s working on a story about a missing Las Vegas
tourist. Jim arrives at the crime scene where the dead “tourist”
is his father!Sal PJ 4: Sal calls Jim: “Do you believe me now?”
Jim PJ 7: Carol, undercover, works with local police to find the
killer. Jim wants to quit but his boss won’t let him. Ratings are too
high – Jim’s a celebrity.Jim PJ 8: Jim decides to stay on the job. He must find and kill
Sal.Sal PJ 5: Sal’s phone calls to Jim are almost non-stop – at all
hours. Sal finally proposes to meet Jim face to face to “work
things out”.Jim PJ 9: Jim goes to agreed meeting place but Sal doesn’t show.
ACT 4: Jim unravels.
Jim PJ 10: He’s sent to cover another crime. The victim is his
News Director boss. Carol arrests Jim. He has a nervous breakdown as
he’s led away.At Jim’s hospital bedside Carol reveals who she really is. She
recaps his war crime – killing a group of children in a church he
actually thought were German soldiers. But the evidence shows they
were indeed German soldiers – young kids – and that he saved a
village of innocent civilian from certain death. But now he faces the
murder of his father and his boss who he hallucinated as being German
officers. He also learns that “Sal” was all in his head. He
really was a mob boss but died 20 years before. -
Joel Stern’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
Module 4 Lesson 3
My Vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line in at least
one).What I learned from this assignment:
How to create the first draft of a Beat Sheet.Genre: Thriller
ACT 1: Jim steps off train, a WW II Medal of Honor winner finally
home at the end of the war. He joins loving wife (high school sweetheart) and
young child. Ahh, it’s great to be a civilian again in his Las Vegas
hometown!Jim PJ 1: Jim enjoys an occasional drink. And poker. No biggie –
yet. Looks for work. Not that easy, even for a war hero. Wife nags
about money, but they can survive for now. Her occasional coughs are a dark
cloud on the horizon.Jim PJ 2: Jim learns that his wife has terminal cancer. After
doing odd jobs to make ends meet he gets a prestigious job as TV Crime
Reporter in early 1950s Las Vegas. Covers murders. This triggers flashbacks about
his Medal of Honor “incident” in Germany; gambles heavily at a local
casino racking up sizeable debt. Wears out his hero status and a
generous line of credit.Deep Layer: Why is Jim is able to continue gambling?
Sal AJ 1: Local mob boss Sal starts harassing Jim with collection phone calls.
Friendly at first, non threatening. A flashback shows eight-year-old
Jim at the front door watching his dad pay off a loan shark – after
a punch in the face. It’s something young Jim will never forget. Must
be the same guy.Deeper Layer: Sal seems to know too much about Jim’s background
and mental state. He knows how to “press Jim’s buttons”. He knows
Jim’s mental profile because he really is Jim!Sal AJ 2: Sal’s phone calls vacillate between a knock-knock joke-telling
“Goomba” to violent psychopath.Jim PJ 3: Jim’s wife dies.
INCITING INCIDENT: Sal gives Jim an ultimatum: pay your debt or
the murder victims in your TV crime reports will be your loved ones.ACT 2: Grieving Jim is faced with a mobster after him, huge
medical bills and a young child to raise alone. But his soldering
discipline pays off for the time being: he gets a second job – at a
gas station.Jim PJ 4: Jim pays back some debt but it’s not enough. Sal’s
calls are more frequent. More drinking, more gambling.Jim PJ 5: He meets Carol, a local newspaper reporter. He wants her
help in finding and exposing Sal.Deeper Layer: Carol is an undercover FBI agent investigating Jim’s
WW II heroics – is Jim really a war criminal instead?Sal PJ 3: Dials back the threats a bit. Tells Jim he’s a WWII vet
also, has a wife and kid. Tells Jim knock-knock jokes. Maybe he’s not
a ruthless psychopath after all.ACT 3: Jim’s TV crime reports turn up horrifying results.
Jim PJ6: He’s working on a story about a missing Las Vegas
tourist. Jim arrives at the crime scene where the dead “tourist”
is his father!Sal PJ 4: Sal calls Jim: “Do you believe me now?”
Jim PJ 7: Carol, undercover, works with local police to find the
killer. Jim wants to quit but his boss won’t let him. Ratings are too
high – Jim’s a celebrity.Jim PJ 8: Jim decides to stay on the job. He must find and kill
Sal.Sal PJ 5: Sal’s phone calls to Jim are almost non-stop – at all
hours. Sal finally proposes to meet Jim face to face to “work
things out”.Jim PJ 9: Jim goes to agreed meeting place but Sal doesn’t show.
ACT 4: Jim unravels.
Jim PJ 10: He’s sent to cover another crime and the victim is his
brother. He’s arrested. Jim’s has a nervous breakdown during the
arrest.At Jim’s bedside in the hospital Carol reveals who she really is.
Jim confesses his war crime – killing a group of children in a
church he actually thought were German soldiers. But the evidence she
found was that they were indeed German soldiers and that he saved a
village of innocent civilian from certain death. But now he faces the
murder of his father and brother who Jim hallucinated as being German officers. -
Joel Stern Deeper Layer!
Module 4 Lesson 2
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood
blockbusters (and to get a speaking line in at least one).What I learned from this assignment:
Surface Layer: Jim “Ace” McCarthy is a recently returned
WW II Medal of Honor winner enduring the challenges of civilian life
and his new job as a TV crime reporter in 1950’s Las Vegas.Deeper Layer: Jim’s heroic act was actually a heinous
war crime and his suppression of the event is causing him major
problems.Major Reveal: Revealed in Act 4 when Carol Newhouse –
a local newspaper reporter and later his love interest (who’s
really an undercover FBI Agent investigating Jim’s alleged war
crime) discovers the truth and confronts him.Influences Surface Story: Jim’s guilt has a major effect on
his mental health and his ability to distinguish between what’s real
and what isn’t.Hints: WW II flashbacks.
Changes Reality: After sympathizing with Jim the
All American war hero – a “good guy” – we now see him in a
much different light.Protagonist: Jim “Ace” McCarthy
Opening: Steps off train, a WW II Medal of Honor winner at
war’s end. Rejoins his loving wife (high school sweetheart) and
young child. We see a quick shot of an alcohol flask in his
gear.Inciting Incident: Gets prestigious job as TV Crime Reporter
in Las Vegas. He wants to be the next the next Edward R. Murrow.Turning Point 1: Wife dies suddenly from cancer.
Act 2: Jim takes a disciplined rational approach to her
death, suppressing deep sorrow in the process.Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Wife’s death, her medical bills,
his shady wartime past and pressure of covering murder stories
turns him to a heavy drinking gambler. Big gambling debt
results in threatening phone calls from a powerful local crime
boss. Jim is told he has ten days to pay or the murder victim’s in
his news reports will be family.Act 3: Befriends Carol Newhouse, an undercover FBI agent
posing as a Las Vegas newspaper reporter. He wants her to help
him find and expose the mobster (she’s really investigating his
possible war crimes in Germany).Turning Point 3: Jim fails to pay his debt by the deadline.
He covers a murder story and the The victim is his brother.Act 4 Climax: Jim gets endless phone calls from mobster (we
never see him) at all hours driving him insane! Carol discovers
Jim really did committ war crimes and was not a war hero. Jim
is sent to another crime scene and the victim is a second
family member. He’s arrested for
murdering them. Carol confront him about his war crime and
those killed in his news reports.Resolution: The mobster calling Jim really died twenty five
years ago. The calls were imagined but the mobster was a friend
of his dad when he was a child. He stuck in Jim’s subconscious.
A deep investigation into Jim’s possible war crimes prove they
were unintentional. Jim – hospitalized – is allowed to
keep his medal but is sent to a psychiatric hospital for the
insane. -
Module
4 Lesson 1: Joel Stern Character Structure<div>My Vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters (and to perhaps get a speaking
line in one).What I learned from this assignment: How
to create clear story arcs for the protagonist and antagonist.Protagonist: Jim “Ace” McCarthy
Opening: Steps off train, a WW II Medal of Honor winner at
war’s end. Joins loving wife (high school sweetheart) and young
child.Inciting Incident: Gets job as TV Crime Reporter in Las
Vegas. He wants to be the next Edward R. Murrow.Turning Point 1: Wife dies suddenly from cancer.
Act 2: Jim takes a disciplined rational approach to her
death, suppressing deep sorrow in the process.Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Wife’s death, her medical bills,
his shady wartime past and pressure of covering murder stories
turns him to a heavy drinking gambler. Big gambling debt
results in threatening phone calls from a powerful local crime
boss. Jim is told he has ten days to pay or the murder victim’s in
his news reports will be family and friends.Act 3: Befriends Carol Newhouse, an undercover FBI agent
posing as a Las Vegas newspaper reporter. He wants her to help
him find and expose the mobster (she’s really investigating his
possible war crimes in Germany).Turning Point 3: Jim fails to pay his debt by the deadline.
He covers a murder story. The victim is his brother.Act 4 Climax: Jim gets endless phone calls from mobster (we
never see him) at all hours driving him insane! Carol discovers
Jim really committed war crimes and was not a war hero. Jim is
sent to another crime scene and the victim is a second family
member. He’s arrested for
murdering them.Resolution: The mobster calling Jim really died twenty five
years ago. The calls were imagined. A deep investigation into
Jim’s possible war crimes prove to be unintentional. Jim –
hospitalized – is allowed to keep his medal but is sent to a
psychiatric hospital for the insane.Antagonist: “Sal”
Opening: Sal’s first phone call to
collect Jim’s gambling debt is overly friendly. Sal can relate to
Jim. Claims he too is a war vet and has a wife and young child.Inciting Incident: Another huge betting
loss by Jim sets off Sal.Turning Point 1: No payment made. Sal
Gives Jim ten days to pay or the victims in Jim’s crime stories will
be family members.Act 2: Sal calls more frequently. He
tries a softer approach even using corny knock- knock jokes (that
have underlying threats).Turning Point 2/Midpoint: Jim makes a
small payment. Sal loses it! Jim hangs up scared to death. Sal calls
three, four consecutive times; makes threats about revealing Jim’s
war crimes.Act 3: Sal proposes a face-to-face
meeting with Jim. Maybe there are “other ways” for Jim to pay
off his debt like working for him.Turning Point 3: Sal sounds completely
irrational. He changes course telling Jim he contracted a hit man to
kill him.Act 4: Carol and other FBI agents await
Sal to show up for his meeting with Jim. Sal fails to show up.
Carol learns Sal was a mobster who died years before.</div> </div>
-
Module 3 Lesson 8: Purpose Driven
Supporting CharactersMy Vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line or two in at
least one).What I learned from the assignment:
Designing supporting characters who strongly impact the story arcs of
the main characters.Supporting Characters: Jane, Jim’s wife; Carol, undercover
FBI agent and Jim’s love interest.Background Characters: Ed, Jim’s News Director at the TV
stationSupport 1:
Name: Jane McCarthy
Role: Jim’s wife
Main purpose: Devoted; strong supporter of Jim’s ambitious
career goals; mother of his young childValue: Provides encouragement; a classic 1950’s TV
homemaker. Dies of cancer leaving Jim with their young child and
causing him additional emotional pressureSupport 2:
Name: Carol Newhouse
Role: Undercover FBI agent investigating Jim’s possible war
crimes during WWII; poses as a Las Vegas newspaper reporterMain purpose: To find out if Jim’s a war criminal
Value: Gets romantically involved with Jim causing him to
breakdown -
Lesson 7: Character Profiles Part 2
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a speaking line
in at least one).What I learned from the assignment: Finding additional character traits for my two leading actors.
A. The High Concept: Jim “Ace” McCarthy is a decorated WW2 vet who becomes a popular TV crime
reporter in 1950s Las Vegas. His dark war past and the sudden tragic deaths of his wife and child
trigger a gambling addiction and the Mob comes calling – literally. He’s given 10 days to pay up or face
horrific consequences.B. This character’s journey: From All-American patriot and family man to young widower, alcoholic
and gambling addict fighting the Vegas Mob to survive.C. The Actor Attractors for this character: Jim would be hero AND a villain.
1.Role in the Story:Protagonist
2.Age Range: Mid-20s. Description: Athletic, a 1940s Norman Rockwell middle American poster child.
3.Core Traits: TV crime reporter; confident; never rattled; been through it all.
4.Motivation; Want/Need: To be TV’s version of childhood hero Edwin R. Murrow.
5.Wound: His horrific war experiences begin to effect his ability to do his job.
6.Likability: Good friend; can always count on him; loves a good joke; dedicated family man.
Relatability: Pressures of being a young husband and dad; his pursuit of “The American Dream”; trying
to make ends meet on entry level salary. Empathy: Wife and small child die in a car accident; turns to
drinking; runs up huge gambling debt at Vegas casino.7. Character Subtext: Hides the fact that he should not have been awarded a Medal of Honor but
instead was a war criminal.8. Character Intrigue: Deception – does everything he can to perpetuate his war hero myth.
9. Flaw: Over confidence – portrays himself as the go-to guy when a grisly murder story needs to
be reported by his TV station.10. Values: Strong family values; winning always comes first.
11. Character Dilemma: Whether to betray his honest “good guy” reputation to kill for the mob to
satisfy his gambling debts.A. The High Concept: “Sal” begins calling Jim demanding payback of large gambling debts. He gives
Jim ten days to pay – if he doesn’t, Jim — a TV crime reporter – will be forced to cover the gruesome
killings of his loved ones.B. This character’s journey: Sal first few calls are chilling – but as they become more frequent he
becomes friendly, sympathetic and comical; hard to believe he’s a bad guy.C. The Actor Attractors for this character: The challenge of a N.Y. Mobster dialect; displaying a range
of emotions from cold and cruel to warm and friendly.1.Role in the Story: Antagonist
2.Age Range: 35-40 Description: Voice only (on phone); N.Y. Italian.
3.Core Traits: Don’t mess with him; sadistic, threatening – yet oddly friendly.
4.Motivation; To convince Jim to pay back his gambling debt.
5.Wound: Sal claims to be a War vet too; he knows what Jim’s going through.
6.Likability: After several threatening calls he becomes friendly; even starts conversations with
“Knock-Knock” jokes; almost sounds like a Las Vegas stand up comic. Relatability: Sal begins to
sound like a guy who just wants his money back; nothing personal. Empathy: Lost his wife and child
too.7. Character Subtext: Sal uses jokes and humor to cover his sinister manipulation of
Jim8. Character Intrigue: Sal’s secret identity
9. Flaw: Shows a soft side for a ruthless mob boss
10. Values: Family, loyalty, patriotism
11. Character Dilemma: To keep pressuring and threatening Jim or to forgive his debt. -
WIM Module 3 Lesson 6 Character
Profiles Part 1Joel Stern
My Vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line one of
them.A. The High Concept: Jim “Ace” McCarthy is a decorated WW2 vet becomes a popular TV
crime reporter in 1950s Las Vegas. His dark war past and the tragic
deaths of his wife and child trigger a gambling addiction and the
Mob (Sal) comes calling – literally. He’s given 10 days to pay up or
face horrific consequences.B. This character’s journey: From All-American patriot and
family man to young widower, alcoholic and gambling addict fighting
the Vegas Mob to survive.C. The Actor Attractors for this character: He would be hero
AND a villain.Role in the Story: Protagonist
Age Range: Mid-20s.
Description: Athletic, a 1940s Norman Rockwell middle
American poster child.Core Traits: TV crime reporter; confident; never rattled;
seen it all.Motivation; Want/Need: To be TV’s version of childhood hero
Edwin R. Murrow.Wound: His horrific war experiences begin to effect his
ability to do his job.Likability: Good friend; can always count on him; loves a
good joke; dedicated family man.Relatability: Pressures of being a young husband and dad; his
pursuit of “The American Dream”; trying to make ends meet
on entry level salary.Empathy: Wife and small child die in accident; turns to
drinking, gambling – runs up huge debt.A. The High Concept: Mobster Sal begins to call Jim demanding payback of
large gambling debts. He gives Jim ten days to pay – if he
doesn’t, Jim, a TV crime reporter will be forced to cover gruesome
killings – of his loved ones.B. This character’s journey: Sal first few calls are chilling
– but as they become more frequent he becomes friendly,
sympathetic, even comical.C. The Actor Attractors for this character: The challenge of a
N.Y. Mobster dialect; displaying a range of emotions from cold and
cruel to warm and friendly.Role in the Story: Antagonist
Age Range: 35-40
Description: Voice only (on phone); N.Y. Italian.
Core Traits: Don’t mess with him; threatening yet oddly
friendly.Motivation; To convince Jim to pay back his gambling debt.
Wound: Sal claims to be a War vet as well; knows what Jim’s
going through.Likability: After several threatening calls he becomes
friendly; even starts conversations with “Knock-Knock” jokes;
almost sounds like a Las Vegas stand up comic.Relatability: Sal begins to sound like a guy who just wants
his money back; nothing personal.Empathy: Lost his wife and child too.
-
Module 3 Lesson 5 Audience Connection to Characters
My vision: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood
blockbusters (and to get a line in at least one of them).What I learned from this assignment: How to create an emotional
bond between the audience and my protagonist.Protagonist: Jim McCarthy, WW2 hero now a TV crime
reporter in 1950s Las VegasLikability: Good friend – can always be counted on; good
sense of humor; dedicated family man.Relatability: Pressures of being a young husband and dad;
his pursuit of “The American Dream”; trying to make ends meet
on entry level salary.Empathy: Wife and small child die in accident; turns to
drinking, gambling – runs up huge debt.Antagonist: Sal (voice on telephone only – never seen
on camera)Likability: Friendly sounding; starts threatening calls to
Jim with a “Knock-Knock” joke.Relatability: Seems like he’s making empty threats; respects
Jim’s wartime exploits; served in Pacific himself.Empathy: Just a guy trying to get his money back; struggling
financially himself. -
Module 3 Lesson 5 Audience Connection to Characters
My vision: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood
blockbusters (and to get a line in at least one of them).What I learned from this assignment: How to create an emotional
bond between the audience and my protagonist.Protagonist: Jim McCarthy, WW2 hero now a TV crime
reporter in 1950s Las Vegas.Likability: Good friend – can always be counted on; good
sense of humor; dedicated family man; all-American.Relatability: Pressures of being a young husband and dad;
his pursuit of “The American Dream”; vet trying to make ends meet
on an entry level salary.Empathy: Wife and small child later die in accident; turns to
drinking, gambling – runs up huge debt.Antagonist: Sal (voice on telephone only – never seen
on camera)Likability: Friendly sounding; always starts threatening calls to
Jim with a “Knock-Knock” joke.Relatability: Respects Jim’s wartime exploits; served in Pacific himself; seems like he’s making empty threats; just a guy trying to get his money back;
Empathy: Struggling
financially himself; also lost family in accident. -
Module 3 Lesson 4: Joel Stern’s
Character IntrigueMy Vision: To write eight screenplays
that eventually become Hollywood blockbuster films (and to get a
speaking line).What I learned from this assignment:
Creating layers beneath the main character’s surfaceCharacter Name: Jim “Ace” McCarthy
Role: Protagonist
Secrets: Committed a war crime during WW2 but mistakenly
received a medal for bravery.Unspoken Wound: He’s haunted by this; suppresses mental
anguish; becomes an alcoholic and gambling addict.Character Name: Carol Newhouse
Role: Las Vegas newspaper reporter; becomes Jim’s love
interest.Hidden agendas: Is really an undercover FBI agent sent
to investigate Jim’s war crime. -
Module 3 Lesson 2 Actor Attractors
My Vison: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood blockbusters (and get a speaking line too).
What I learned From This Assignment: Creating a lead role that for a name actor is too interesting to pass up.
What about this role would cause an
actor to want to be known for it?He would be a hero AND in the end a
villain.What makes this character one of the
most interesting characters in your story?“Ace” is a World War Two
battlefield hero; a post war successful TV reporter after who slowly
unravels into a psychopathic killer.What are the most interesting actions
the Lead could take in the script?His tense scenes
where he pleads with the voice on the phone (a ruthless mobster with
a comical persona) to give him more time to pay back his massive
gambling debt.How can you introduce this role in a
way that could sell it to an actor?A likable war hero whose suppressed rage
and depression creates a series of illusions that lead him to
commit several heinous crimes that he’s forced to report on TV news.What could be this character’s
emotional range?From easy going, the “life of the
party”, solid citizen to an emotional wreck.What subtext can the actor play?
He maintains his patriotic likable
self on camera but after his wife dies his outer shell cracks
revealing a scared emotional wreck who can’t tell the difference
between reality and fantasy.What’s the most interesting
relationships this character can have?His relationship with the mobster who
bombards him with threatening (albeit friendly sounding) phone calls.
He later considers the gangster “a friend”.How will this character’s unique
voice be presented?In the beginning his personality is
one of confidence, pride, a poster child for American values. But
as the story progresses his true self emerges.What could make this character special
and unique?Virtually everyone in TV land loves him
– war hero, patriot, family man. But his battlefield experiences
and the tragic death of his wife turn his life into a horror show. -
Module 3 Lesson 4: Joel Stern’s
Character IntrigueMy Vision: To write eight screenplays
that eventually become Hollywood blockbuster films (and to get a
speaking line).What I learned from this assignment:
Creating layers beneath the main character’s surface.Character Name: Jim “Ace” McCarthy
Role: Protagonist
Secrets: Committed a war crime during WW2 but mistakenly
received a medal for braveryUnspoken Wound: Is haunted by this; suppresses mental
anguish; becomes an alcoholic and gambling addictCharacter Name: Carol Newhouse
Role: Las Vegas newspaper reporter; becomes Jim’s love
interestHidden agendas: Is really an undercover FBI agent sent
to investigate Jim’s war crime -
Module 3 Lesson 3
My Vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters (and maybe get a line or two in
them a la Hitchcock).What I learned from this assignment:
How to develop interesting subtext to my main characters.Movie Title: Death Voice
Character Name: Jim “Ace” McCarthy
Subtext Identity: An alcoholic TV Crime reporter battling the
emotional scars of his WW2 pastSubtext Trait: Personable, confident, underneath an
emotional wreckSubtext Logline: Ace’s deep seated guilt from the war drives
him to the depths of despairPossible Areas of Subtext: Jim’s suppression of his war past
results in drinking, gambling leading him into a double lifeCharacter Name: Carol Gentry
Subtext Identity: A Las Vegas newspaper reporter who befriends Jim
Subtext Trait: Suspicious, manipulative
Subtext Logline: Carol is really an undercover FBI agent
investigating Jim’s war pastPossible Areas of Subtext: Pretends to fall for Jim. He wants
her to use her influence with her Congressman father to investigate
a Las Vegas mob family who he claims is pressuring him to repay his
heavy gambling debt. -
My Vision: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood blockbusters (and maybe get a speaking line or two).
What I learned from this assignment: What’s needed to draw a big name actor for the lead role.
Actor Attractors, Module 3 Lesson 2
Movie Title: “Death Voice”
Main Character: “Ace”, a highly decorated WW2 vet who becomes a popular TV crime reporter in 1950s Las Vegas.
What about this role would cause an
actor to want to be known for it?He would be a hero AND in the end a
villain.What makes this character one of the
most interesting characters in your story?“Ace” is a World War Two
battlefield hero; a post war successful TV reporter who slowly
unravels into a psychopathic killer.What are the most interesting actions
the Lead could take in the script?His tense scenes
where he pleads with the voice on the phone (a ruthless mobster with
a comical persona) to give him more time to pay back his massive
gambling debt.How can you introduce this role in a
way that could sell it to an actor?A likable war hero whose suppressed rage
and depression creates a series of illusions that lead him to
commit several heinous crimes that he’s forced to report on TV news.What could be this character’s
emotional range?From easy going, the “life of the
party”, solid citizen to an emotional wreck.What subtext can the actor play?
He maintains his patriotic likable
self on camera but after his wife dies his outer shell cracks
revealing a scared emotional wreck who can’t tell the difference
between reality and fantasy.What’s the most interesting
relationship this character can have?His relationship with the mobster who
bombards him with threatening (albeit friendly sounding) phone calls.
He later considers the gangster “a friend”.How will this character’s unique
voice be presented?In the beginning his personality is
one of confidence, pride, a poster child for American values. But
as the story progresses his true self emerges.What could make this character special
and unique?Virtually everyone in TV land loves him
– war hero, patriot, family man. But his battlefield experiences
and the sudden tragic death of his wife turns his life into a horror show. -
Module 3 Lesson 1 Actor Attractors
My Vision: To write eight screenplays
that eventually become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line or
two in at least one of them).What I learned from this assignment: To
make a lead actor’s character so intriguing they want to sign on.Movie Title: The Poison Rose
Lead Character: John Travolta
1 Why would an actor want to be
known for this role?Travolta’s character was different
from most of his others – he plays a Texan.2 What makes this character the most
interesting character in the movie?He’s a PI sent to his hometown to
investigate a missing person and must change gears as he becomes
embroiled in a different set of circumstances.3 What are the most interesting
actions the Lead takes in the movie?Kills several hitmen in gunfights.
Doesn’t get intimidated by corrupt sheriff.4 How is this character introduced
that could sell it to an actor?His first scene shows him playing with
his pet cat – showing a sensitive side. Seconds later he’s
confronted by a hitman and uses the cat’s cage to bash the hitman in
the face allowing him to escape. It also allows Travolta to try a
Texan accent.5 What is this character’s emotional
range?Even, in control, unemotional.
6 What subtext can the actor play?
Keeps his cool, always being polite
even under high pressure situations as he tries to unravel a
series of corrupt actions.7 What are the most interesting
relationships this character has?His relationship with his
ex-wife – friendly, protective even after not seeing her for 20
years. He remains at ease with his former pals who are now
corrupt enemies.8 How is this character’s
unique voice presented?Used his calm Southern
persona to match wits with those out to kill him.9. What makes this character
special and unique?He actually wasn’t – an
awful performance in an awful movie – but it was interesting seeing
John Travolta – Saturday Night Fever’s Tony Manero – take
on a very different character. -
(Module 2 Lesson 5: Transformational
Structure)MY VISION:
To write eight screenplays that become
Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line or two in at least one of
them).WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT:
StructureTitle: “DEATH VOICE”
Version1:
Concept: Korean War sniper, “Ace”
is a struggling Las Vegas TV reporter in the 1950s and a gambling
addict who fails to repay a large debt to a sadistic crime boss.
He’s given ten days to pay or he’ll be forced to cover gruesome
crimes committed against those closest to him.Main Conflict: Must pay back large
amount to mob boss within ten days.Old Ways: Likeable, funny, local war
hero; easy going; satisfied, laid back.New Ways: TV biz makes him ruthless
and quick tempered; questions things he normally wouldn’t; becomes
an alcoholic, gambler.Act 1:
Opening: “Ace” pulls into Grand
Central Station after Korean War ends. Family, friends wave flags; a
big hero welcome home. The war’s over and it’s great to be alive.Inciting Incident: Being a handsome
war vet helps him get a TV Crime Reporter job in Vegas.Turning Point: Wants to quit after his
wife dies in a car accident leaving him with a disabled child and
huge medical bills; develops gambling addiction; PTSD sets in.Act 2:
New Plan: Gets psychiatric care. But it doesn’t help. It brings
the horrors of war to the surface. Can’t get a loan from bank.Plan in action: Double down on a bad habit: “Gambling will
eventually pay off”.Midpoint Turning Point: Gets phone calls at all hours from mob
boss wanting payback. Ace is given 10 days to come through or he’ll
be forced to report stories where murder victims are his friends and
family. Gangster sounds oddly pleasant, even humorous.Act 3:
Rethink everything: Stuck – no way out; suicide attempt fails;
he’s about to put his child up for adoption but changes his mind at
the last moment.New plan: To offer his services as a hit man to mobster in
exchange for debt cancellation.Turning Point: He’s turned down; fails to make first payment; is
sent to report on a murder and the victim turns out to be his best
friend.Huge failure / Major shift: Tries to get help from police but
they’re on mobs payroll. Who will be the next murder victim? It’s
his brother! Ace finds an ally – Sue, a newspaper reporter who’s
the daughter of a U.S. Congressman. They develop a professional and
sexual relationship.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: The mobster calls
increase with threats driving Ace to the brink of insanity. At this
point even paying back the money won’t stop him. Sue investigates
the murders. But her father, a member of the U.S. Senate’s Organized
Crime Subcommittee can’t find any trace of mob involvement. The FBI
places a wiretap on Ace’s phone. They conclude no such calls were
ever made. All eyes turn to Ace.Resolution: It was Ace, a latent schizophrenic who actually
murdered his brother and best friend and did TV reports about the
crimes. Both had previously betrayed Ace’s trust and Ace
subconsciously suppressed his anger over the years. The mob boss was
real – but died twenty years earlier. His personality traits –
personable, good sense of humor – were in fact Ace’s.MODULE 2 LESSON 6
Version 2:
MY VISION: To write eight screenplays that become
Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line or two in at least one of
them).WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT:
Improving my script by focusing on things expected in any given
genre.Title: “DEATH VOICE”
Concept: WW II hero “Ace” is a 1950s Las Vegas TV reporter
who develops a gambling addiction after his wife’s death but fails
to repay a large debt to a sadistic crime boss. He’s given ten days
to repay or he’ll be forced to report on gruesome crimes committed
against family and friends.Main Conflict: Must pay back large amount to mob boss within ten
days.Genre: Thriller
Act 1:
Opening: Dark living room except for “Howdy Doody” flickering
on a 50s TV. Unshaven Ace grinds a cigarette into an overflowing
ashtray next to a half empty bottle of whiskey. The rotary phone
rings….his hand trembles… “Yeah?” A friendly voice answers
with a corny knock-knock joke. Sounds harmless. Until: “You have
five days left.” (CLICK)Superimpose: “One Year Earlier”. Ace gets off a train at
Grand Central Station after VJ Day. Band music; family, friends wave
flags; big hero welcome home. The war’s over. Teary wife Betty
rushes over with their young handicapped daughter. Hugs, tears… a
Norman Rockwell painting comes to life. We can finally live our
lives! Ace’s good looks and war background land him a job as a local
TV crime reporter in Vegas.Inciting Incident: A doctor informs Ace that Betty has terminal
cancer.Turning Point: Huge medical bills drive Ace to heavy gambling. He
owes big money to the Mob.Act 2:
New Plan: Borrow money from family, friends. Work overtime.
Plan in Action: War hero or not all turn him down. No money. Plan
B: Ace offers his services and military expertise to Mob as a
hitman. Decision shortly.Midpoint Turning Point: Ace gets phone call from the big boss: No
deal. “Conflict of interest.” Ace has ten days to repay or he’ll
be reporting on the gruesome deaths of loved ones. Betty dies.Act 3:
Rethink everything: Seemingly cornered, Ace attempts suicide.
Next: put his child up for adoption. He changes his mind at the last
moment.New plan: Kill the mobster! But he can’t find him. The mobster
now calls at all hours, each time with a different knock-knock joke
and a bigger threat.Turning Point: Ace can’t find his tormentor. Payment deadline
passes. Ace is sent to report on a murder story and the victim’s
–his best friend.Huge failure / Major shift: Tries to get help from police but
they’re on mob’s payroll. Who will be the next murder victim? It’s
his brother! Ace befriends Sue, a newspaper reporter who’s the
daughter of a U.S. Congressman. They develop a professional and
sexual relationship.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: The mobster’s calls
are driving Ace to the brink of insanity. At this point even paying
back the money won’t stop him. Sue investigates the murders. Her
father, a member of the U.S. Senate’s Organized Crime Subcommittee
tries to help can’t find any trace of mob involvement. The FBI
places a wiretap on Ace’s phone. They conclude no such calls were
ever made. All eyes turn to Ace.Resolution: It was Ace, a schizophrenic who actually murdered his
brother and best friend and did TV reports about the crimes. Both
had previously betrayed his trust and Ace subconsciously suppressed
his anger over the years. The mob boss was real – but died
twenty years earlier. His personality traits – personable, sense
of humor – were in fact Ace’s. -
(WIM) Module 2 Lesson 5: Transformational
StructureMY VISION:
To write eight screenplays that become
Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line or two in at least one of
them).WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT:
Structure.
Concept: Korean War sniper, “Ace” is a struggling Las Vegas
TV reporter in the 1950s and a gambling addict who fails to repay a
large debt to a sadistic crime boss. He’s given ten days to pay or
he’ll be forced to cover gruesome crimes committed against those
closest to him.Main Conflict: Must pay back large amount to mob boss within ten
days.Old Ways: Likeable, funny, local war hero; easy going; satisfied,
laid back.New Ways: TV biz makes him ruthless and quick tempered; questions
things he normally wouldn’t; becomes an alcoholic, gambler.Act 1:
Opening: “Ace” pulls into Grand Central Station after Korean
War ends. Family, friends wave flags; a big hero welcome home. The
war’s over and it’s great to be alive.Inciting Incident: Being a handsome war vet helps him get a TV
Crime Reporter job in Vegas.Turning Point: Wants to quit after his wife dies in a car
accident leaving him with a disabled child and huge medical bills;
develops gambling addiction; PTSD sets in.Act 2:
New Plan: Get psychiatric care. But it doesn’t help. It brings
the horrors of war to the surface. Can’t get a loan from bank.Plan in action: Double down on a bad habit: “Gambling will
eventually pay off”.Midpoint Turning Point: Gets phone calls at all hours from mob
boss wanting payback. Ace is given 10 days to come through or he’ll
be forced to report stories where murder victims are his friends and
family. Gangster sounds oddly pleasant, even humorous.Act 3:
Rethink everything: Stuck – no way out; suicide attempt fails;
he’s about to put his child up for adoption but changes his mind at
the last moment.New plan: To offer his services as a hit man to mobster in
exchange for debt cancellation.Turning Point: He’s turned down; fails to make first payment; is
sent to report on a murder and the victim turns out to be his best
friend.Huge failure / Major shift: Tries to get help from police but
they’re on mobs payroll. Who will be the next murder victim? It’s
his brother! Ace finds an ally – Sue, a newspaper reporter who’s
the daughter of a U.S. Congressman. They develop a professional and
sexual relationship.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: The mobster’s calls
increase with threats driving Ace to the brink of insanity. At this
point even paying back the money won’t stop him. Sue investigates
the murders. But her father, a member of the U.S. Senate’s Organized
Crime Subcommittee can’t find any trace of mob involvement. The FBI
places a wiretap on Ace’s phone. They conclude no such calls were
ever made. All eyes turn to Ace.Resolution: It was Ace, a latent schizophrenic who, without realizing it — murdered his brother and best friend and did TV reports about the
crimes. Both had previously betrayed Ace’s trust and Ace
subconsciously suppressed his anger over the years. The mob boss was
real – but died twenty years earlier. His personality traits –
personable, good sense of humor – were in fact Ace’s. -
MY
VISION: To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood blockbusters
(and to get a line or two in at least one of them).WHAT
I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT: The importance of having several sub
plots.CONCEPT:
Korean War vet Ace is a struggling 1950s Las Vegas TV
reporter and gambling addict who fails to repay a large debt to a
sadistic crime boss. He has ten days to come up with the money or
he’ll be forced to cover gruesome crimes committed against those
closest to him.LAYERING:
Ace can’t go to the authorities because the District Attorney is on
the mob’s payroll.COMPETITIVE AGENDAS: Ace’s sister can pay off his debt but her husband is Ace’s
arch rival at a competing station. -
MY VISION:
To write eight screenplays that become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line or two in at least one).
WHAT I LEARNED:
How to get a clear idea of my protagonists journey from the beginning of his story to the end.
Transformational Journey
Arc Beginning: Overconfident, insensitive Korean War Vet
Arc Ending: Becomes peace advocate,
sympathetic to minoritiesInternal Journey: From cocky and
shallow to thoughtful intellectualExternal Journey: From decorated Sgt.
to struggling TV crime reporterOld Ways: Domineering, cocky, never
wrongNew Ways: Accepting, sensitive, open to
new ideas, introspective -
My Vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line or two in at least one
of them).What I learned from this assignment:
How to create main characters who drive the story.Character: Protagonist; A battle hardened Korean War Vet.
Logline:
“Ace”, a TV crime reporter in 50s Las Vegas battles personal
demons and a sadistic Mafia boss in an effort to remain #1 in the market.Unique:
Missing an arm; gambling addict; high IQ, photographic memory.Character:
Antagonist: A sadistic Mafia boss.Logline:
Threatens to murder Ace’s family one by one if his debt isn’t repaid
within ten days.Unique: We never see him; his threats are made over the phone; he’s personable,
sympathetic and funny.-
This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by JOEL STERN. Reason: Was unreadable
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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Hi Everybody!
My name is Joel Stern, and this is my first screenwriting course.
I’ve written five screenplays and “Word Games”, a supernatural thriller was a Finalist at the Cannes Screenwriting Competition in 2017, and won Best Screenplay at the Toronto Horror/Thriller Screenwriting competition in September of the same year. It was pretty cool watching actors perform a full two hour table read of my script on YouTube.
My other scripts include a police drama, an action drama about the 2007 mortgage meltdown, and two comedy screenplays about the hereafter. I want to eventually make the audience laugh and cry and talk about my movies long after they see them.
I began writing 10 years ago but I admit, I’m a writer not a marketer and I want to be able to gain enough knowledge and confidence to get a manager to get ‘er done!
I anchor sports on IHeart Radio (NBC NewsRadio, Bloomberg Radio Network, WBZ-AM in Boston and KNWN in Seattle to name a few.
So far I’m learning a lot and I hope you are too!
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Joel Stern
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi Victor,
I’d be happy to read your script and send you mine if interested.
Thx
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Hi Marcus – I read your first draft and would be happy to read this one if interested.
Thx,
Joel Stern
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And now it won’t let me advance to the next lesson even though I did so. No button anywhere to hit. What to do?
Thanks,
Joel
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I find the forums confusing as far as posting goes. Help! lol