John Alen
Forum Replies Created
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John Alen’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how to apply everything learned so far into a query letter.
“Our enemies must know that we are the ones able to cause the greatest trouble. I believe the word is pandemonium.”
Octavia Velasco is a woman of charm and grace who is also psychotic and ruthless. She shows just how far she’ll go against her competitors when she blows up a plane loaded with MDMA causing white powder to fall from the sky like snow. Her competitors retaliate by targeting Maria, Octavia’s feisty adult daughter, kidnapping her off the street in broad daylight.
With an all-out drug war looming, the authorities turn in desperation to Chris Rainey, a former corrupt cop now doing time, and offer him his freedom if he can use his connection with Octavia to stop her reign of terror. Rainey agrees and reconnects with Octavia who assigns him the task of rescuing Maria. But upon rescuing her, Maria tells Rainey that she wants her mother stopped. They agree to betray Octavia’s confidence.
But by the time they’ve gathered evidence against her Octavia learns of the betrayal bringing down her greatest wrath yet. As the authorities begin closing in on her, she has her henchmen torture Rainey and sets a plan in motion to detonate a truck full of explosives in the middle of the city. With Rainey appearing done for, Octavia sets out to wreak the most pandemonium she can.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script. Thank you for your time.
Best,
John Alen
(213)364-9720
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John Alen’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of having hooks in your story that can be used for marketing purposes.
Hooks
1. My villain, Octavia Velasco, is a female kingpin who is charming and civilized but also psychotic and ruthless.
2. The opening scene pays off with Octavia blowing up a plane loaded with MDMA causing white powder to fall from the sky like snow.
3. Octavia’s competitors retaliate to the explosion by kidnapping Maria, her 22 year old daughter.
4. My hero, Chris Rainey, is a former cop who once operated outside the law and is now in prison. Out of desperation, the authorities turn to him for help.
5. After being rescued by Rainey, Maria decides to betray her mother’s trust.
6. By the time Maria and Rainey have gathered evidence against her, Octavia learns of their betrayal, breaking her heart and bringing on her greatest wrath.
7. Octavia sets a plan in motion to detonate a truck full of explosives in the middle of the city.
First Draft
Octavia Velasco is a woman of charm and grace who is also psychotic and ruthless. She shows just how far she’ll go against her competitors when she blows up a plane loaded with MDMA causing white powder to fall from the sky like snow. Her competitors retaliate by targeting Maria, Octavia’s feisty adult daughter, kidnapping her off the street in broad daylight.
With an all-out drug war looming, the authorities turn in desperation to Chris Rainey, a former corrupt cop now doing time, and offer him his freedom if he can use his connection with Octavia to stop her reign of terror. Rainey agrees and reconnects with Octavia who assigns him the task of rescuing Maria. But upon rescuing her, Maria tells Rainey that she wants her mother stopped. They agree to betray Octavia’s confidence.
But by the time they’ve gathered evidence against her Octavia learns of the betrayal bringing down her greatest wrath yet. As the authorities begin closing in on her, she has her henchmen torture Rainey and sets a plan in motion to detonate a truck full of explosives in the middle of the city. With Rainey appearing done for, Octavia sets out to wreak the most pandemonium she can.
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John Alen’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is the need for getting to the heart of what makes your project marketable as succinctly as possible.
High Concept: A corrupt cop doing time gets a shot at earning his freedom. All he has to do is stop a psychotic kingpin who’s waging a violent drug war in the city.
Elevator Pitch: I’m finishing up a story that answers the question “how do you stop a psychotic kingpin who’s waging a violent drug war?” It’s going to be a great part for a female star.
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John Alen’s 10 Most Interesting Things
1. My villain is very charming and civilized yet also psychotic and ruthless.
2. My opening scene pays off with a plane exploding over the streets of Los Angeles causing white powder to fall from the sky like snow.
3. The villain’s adult daughter is kidnapped in retaliation.
4. After being rescued by the hero, the daughter decides to help bring her mother down.
5. The villain learns that the hero and her daughter have both betrayed her, inviting her wrath.
6. The villain plans to detonate a truck full of explosives in the middle of the city.
7. The antagonist is one of the craziest villains audiences will ever see.
8. The villain is a great part that a lead actress could really sink her teeth into.
9. The villain and her daughter are both Latina and the protagonist could be African-American allowing for a diverse cast.
10. The pace is relentless with action sequences throughout the story.
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of distilling a story down to it’s most interesting points rather than just summarizing it like a book report.
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John Alen’s Producer/Manager
1. I will present my project as consisting of familiar genre staples that people enjoy combined with a fresh take that hasn’t been seen before. I will present myself as a writer who wants the project to be the best it can be and who enjoys the spirit of collaboration to get it there.
2. I will present my project as a highly marketable concept that’s intelligently written. I will present myself as a writer who will always be open to collaboration and advice and who understands the importance of making material attractive to bankable stars and marketable to financiers.
3. What I learned today is the importance of putting myself in the shoes of whoever I’m dealing with in the business, be it managers, producers, or anyone else.
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John Alen’s Marketable Components
1. A corrupt cop doing time gets a shot at redemption when he’s released to help stop a ruthless drug lord from waging violence in the streets.
2. I have a unique antagonist which would be a great role for a bankable actor.
3. What you get with Octavia Velasco is not only a female drug lord, but the one of most ruthless villains audiences have ever seen. It would be an amazing part for Salma Hayek or another Latina star.
4. What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of zeroing in on those aspects of your script which make it the most marketable.
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1. Title: Pandemonium. Genre: Action. Concept: A corrupt cop gets a shot at redemption when he’s released from prison to help stop a ruthless drug lord causing violence in the streets.
2. The story is action-packed and relentlessly-paced.
3. I will target producers who specialize in this type of material.
4. What I learned today is the importance of marketing the correct way.
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I, John Alen, agree to the terms of this release form.
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I’ve written 5 feature-length scripts and 2 shorts. I hope to gain as much useful knowledge as possible from this class.