John Stimson
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John Stimson’s Twists and Turns
What I learned doing this assignment is…While I did have twists in my story, I understand the concept of twists better now and am able to heighten the twists in my thriller.
Thriller Map:
Opening: The hero (Steve) is chasing a man from his house down the street in the middle of the night.
Mystery 1: Who is the man Steve was pursuing and why?
Life Threatening 1: The man shoots Steve and leaves him for dead.
Mystery 2: Story is now told in flashback, from Steve’s POV—Steve accepts an investigation to do a background check on a man who recently died.
Inciting Incident: When Steve goes to save Kristin from the thugs it results in a death-defying chase from Pasadena thru LA onto PCH.
Mystery 3: Why were the thugs after Kristin?
Mystery 4: Steve believes someone on a motorcycle was following them during the car chase but drives away after Steve and Kristin are safe.
Mystery 5: Steve finds evidence that Kristin’s husband’s death was a homicide not a suicide.
Mystery 6: Upon investigating Kristin’s husband’s business Steve discovers a major money-laundering scheme involving the real estate developments
Villain’s Plan 1: The mayor of LA is the frontrunner to be his party’s nominee for president.
Mystery 7: Mayor is involved with the drug cartel’s laundering money through major real estate developments.
Mystery 8: The man Steve doing the background check on turns out to be the mayor’s cousin.
Life Threatening 2: Steve suspects that someone is surveilling him and Kristin; he believes the cartel thugs have found his house.
*ADDED TWIST—Travis Wolff is actually the one watching Steve’s house and neighbors, to protect them.
Villain’s Plan 2: uses resources, the cartel and others to stop anyone investigating him which could derail his presidential ambitions.
TURNING POINT 1: The LAPD refuse to listen to Steve’s theory about the developer’s death or help him, even though he is a former cop.
*ADDED TWIST—CURRENT DIRECTION—Steve approaches an old flame, Marcella, who is an Asst DA, for help looking into the developer but like the LAPD she says she can’t TWIST—Marcella decides to check the DA’s files regarding the developer and she finds something, she goes to Steve’s house to tell him what she found.
*ADDED TWIST—CURRENT DIRECTION—Marcella goes to Steve house, all the lights are off TWIST—The man from the opening scene is inside Steve’s house. As Marcella calls 9-1-1, the man comes out and attacks her.
Life Threatening 3: Steve comes home at night and finds a dead woman in a pool of her blood and then gets into a fight to the death with the assailant.
Life Threatening 4: The assailant escapes and Steve pursues the man who shoots Steve (which brings us back to the opening sequence).
MIDPOINT: Steve is alive and wakes up in a hospital under arrest.
Life Threatening 5: LAPD suspects that Steve killed the woman at his house.
Mystery 9: Steve believes that the dead woman is Kristin.
Mystery 10: The dead woman is an ADA that Steve was once romantically involved with.
Mystery 11: If the dead woman isn’t Kristin then where is Kristin?
Mystery 12: Delta Force soldier, Travis Wolff, leads LAPD detectives to believe that he’s Steve’s lawyer and stonewalls their interrogation.
Villain’s Plan 3: Mayor wants LAPD Chief to “take care of” Steve now that he knows that Steve is looking into both the development scheme and the cousin.
Life Threatening 6: The assailant sneaks into the hospital and attempts to kill Steve, but Steve kills him.
Mystery 13: Steve has Wolff track down his client who was with the assailant on the night of the Hollywood Hills party.
Mystery 14: Wolff learns that the assailant was an underworld private investigator to studio chiefs and politicians, but doesn’t find out who he was working for who would want Steve dead.
TURNING POINT 2: Kristin is alive and wants to get to money that her husband hid.
*ADDED TWIST—CURRENT DIRECTION—Steve and everyone believed Kristin to be merely a trophy wife TWIST—Steve’s CPA neighbor figures out that someone close to the developer had to be the one moving the laundered money, not the developer. Steve does a background check into Kristin and finds that she was a Finance major in college and runs a hedge fund under an alias.
*Life Threatening 7: The mayor goes ballistic when he finds out that someone electronically cleans out all of the ill-gotten gains he got for laundering the cartels money. Kristin could have done this.
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John Stimson’s Thriller Plot
3-Act Structure format
Opening: The hero (Steve) is chasing a man from his house down the street in the middle of the night.
Mystery 1: Who is the man Steve was pursuing and why?
Life Threatening 1: The man shoots Steve and leaves him for dead.
Mystery 2: Story is now told in flashback, from Steve’s POV—Steve accepts an investigation to do a background check on a man who recently died.
Inciting Incident: When Steve goes to save Kristin from the thugs it results in a death-defying chase from Pasadena thru LA onto PCH.
Mystery 3: Why were the thugs after Kristin?
Mystery 4: Steve believes someone on a motorcycle was following them during the car chase but drives away after Steve and Kristin are safe.
Mystery 5: Steve finds evidence that Kristin’s husband’s death was a homicide not a suicide.
Mystery 6: Upon investigating Kristin’s husband’s business Steve discovers a major money-laundering scheme involving the real estate developments
Villain’s Plan 1: The mayor of LA is the frontrunner to be his party’s nominee for president.
Mystery 7: Mayor is involved with the drug cartel’s laundering money through major real estate developments.
Mystery 8: The man Steve doing the background check on turns out to be the mayor’s cousin.
Life Threatening 2: Steve suspects that someone is surveilling him and Kristin; he believes the cartel thugs have found his house.
Villain’s Plan 2: uses resources, the cartel and others to stop anyone investigating him which could derail his presidential ambitions.
TURNING POINT 1: The LAPD refuse to listen to Steve’s theory about the developer’s death or help him, even though he is a former cop.
Life Threatening 3: Steve comes home at night and finds a dead woman in a pool of her blood and then gets into a fight to the death with the assailant.
Life Threatening 4: The assailant escapes and Steve pursues the man who shoots Steve (which brings us back to the opening sequence).
MIDPOINT: Steve is alive and wakes up in a hospital under arrest.
Life Threatening 5: LAPD suspects that Steve killed the woman at his house.
Mystery 9: Steve believes that the dead woman is Kristin.
Mystery 10: The dead woman is an ADA that Steve was once romantically involved with.
Mystery 11: If the dead woman isn’t Kristin then where is Kristin?
Mystery 12: Delta Force soldier, Travis Wolff, leads LAPD detectives to believe that he’s Steve’s lawyer and stonewalls their interrogation.
Villain’s Plan 3: Mayor wants LAPD Chief to “take care of” Steve now that he knows that Steve is looking into both the development scheme and the cousin.
Life Threatening 6: The assailant sneaks into the hospital and attempts to kill Steve, but Steve kills him.
Mystery 13: Steve has Wolff track down his client who was with the assailant on the night of the Hollywood Hills party.
Mystery 14: Wolff learns that the assailant was an underworld private investigator to studio chiefs and politicians, but doesn’t find out who he was working for who would want Steve dead.
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John Stimson’s Life Threatening Sequence
“What I learned is…?” Potential dangers which presents threats to the hero’s life are what makes thrillers thrilling.
The villain (the mayor of Los Angeles) wants to be the
next president of the US. The mayor is involved in a real estate scheme to
launder a Mexican drug cartel’s money. The mayor is a pedophile and has
been raping boys, starting with his cousin, since he was a teenager.
Either of the revelations would put the mayor in prison, let alone derail
his presidential ambitions. The hero, a former SWAT officer who provides
personal security and does private investigations is working a case
looking into the mayor’s cousin’s life and the wife of the real estate
developer in the money laundering scheme seeks the hero’s protection when
the drug cartel’s thugs attempt to kidnap her.
The hero suspects that he is being surveilled but he
doesn’t think it’s the cartel thugs because they would just attack him
instead of wait. As the hero investigates both the reason why the cartel
is after the wife and the mayor’s cousin’s life and family he meets resistance
and threats from several unsavory characters and law enforcement
officials.
From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones
that work for this story.– Physical danger
– Surveillance/watched
– Chased
– Arrested
– People around them die
– Thugs or professionals hired to hurt them
– Presence of weapons or thugs
Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like
the one I did for Basic Instinct above.– The hero has a foot chase in the dark of night through a residential neighborhood in the SF Valley. The hero is a wounded warrior, having lost his foot and lower leg to a bomb in Afghanistan, thus making the pursuit difficult. The hero is shot by the man he was pursuing and left for dead.
– Like William Holden floating in the swimming pool in “Sunset Boulevard,” the hero tells how he got where he is.
– The hero tells the story up until the night he gets shot, which ends just before the midpoint.
– The hero tells about being a driver and personal protection for a Hollywood player at a party in the Hollywood Hills. The player spends the evening with a mysterious man of few words (this turns out to be guy who shoots the hero).
– The hero accepts a case from a man who friend died and he’s curious about that friend’s life; it seems like a routine background check. Until none of the dead man’s family members are willing to talk about him. The hero discovers that the dead man was the cousin of the LA mayor.
– A woman calls the hero in a panic, some men are following her and they look dangerous.
– The hero goes to help her and they are chased by the Mexican thugs from Pasadena to the Pacific Coast Highway in a manic chase sequence. Also, someone on a motorcycle is following the chase, that starts on the Arroyo Seco Parkway and continues along Sunset Blvd.
– With the cartel watching house and business, the hero sneaks into the woman’s husband’s office and downloads records to figure out why her life is in danger.
– The hero investigates the husband death and realizes it’s not a suicide but a homicide.
– He seeks help from friends still on the LAPD but they deny his help and tell him that the case is closed: it’s a suicide.
– The woman stays at the hero’s house but the hero suspects that his house is being watched. Someone breaks into the house of the next door neighbor who helps the hero make sense of the business records. The neighbor a retired CPA figures out the money-laundering scheme.
– The hero returns to his house one night to find a nearly decapitated woman laying in a pool of blood. The hero gets into a fight with the assailant who was still in the house. The assailant gets away and the hero gives chase, where he is shot and the assailant gets away. As the hero lays dying, he remembers the assailant as being the man of few words at the Hollywood party.
– The hero realizes that he’s still alive when a coyote crews on him the next morning.
-The hero wakes up in the hospital handcuffed to his bed suspected by LAPD detectives of killing the woman at his house.
– A menacing man the hero believes he has never seen before tells the LAPD detectives that he is the hero’s lawyer. When the cops are sent packing, the hero vaguely remembers once being on an operation in Afghanistan with the man. The man was a member of Delta Force in country.
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John Stimson’s Mystery Sequence
“What I learned is… The way mysteries show up in a movie is Cover up / Secret.”
mystery sequence answers:
Starting back when he was a teenager, the mayor has
raped young boys.
The mayor hires an underworld private investigator to
scare off anyone who investigates the mayor’s past; the mayor was
expecting reporters would look into his past he didn’t expect someone (the
Hero) to investigate his cousin and find out that the cousin was one of
the mayor’s rape victims.
The underworld PI kills a woman in the Hero’s house and
subsequently shoots the Hero and leaves him for dead. The hero doesn’t die
and wants to find out why the PI killed him and framed the murder on him.
The drug cartel being after the developer’s wife is the
Red Herring—it’s not the reason why the Hero (Steve) gets shot, Steve gets
shot because of his investigation of the mayor’s cousin, which is really
an investigation that reveal the mayor’s history of pedophilia.– The mayor’s cousin’s life took a tailspin before he died of AIDS
1. What caused that tailspin?
2. Why is the cousin’s family so secretive, scared, and hostile about someone asking questions?
– However, the mayor is engaged in criminal activity with the cartel and involving the developer
– So, why is the cartel after Kristin, the developer’s wife?
– If his death wasn’t a suicide, who killed the developer?
1. Steve deduces that something related to the developer’s work got him killed
2. Steve sneaks into the developer’s office to get the developer’s computer files.
3. Once he has the files he must decipher them
4. Once he discovers the money laundering scheme who can he turn to for help when the LAPD first shuts him down and then doesn’t help because Steve is suspected of murdering an Asst. DA.
5. Did the cartel kill the developer? Did the mayor order it? Or could Kristin be involved with the death?
– Why is the mayor’s family scared to talk about him to the Hero?
– Who doesn’t the LAPD believe a former LAPD officer (Steve) about questions relating to the developer’s death?
– Who is surveilling the Hero’s house?
– Why did the PI kill the woman in Steve’s house?
– Why did the PI shoot Steve?
– Why is Wolff involved in a counter-terrorism op against a Mexican drug cartel in LA?
1. Is Wolff still a Delta Force operator, operating in violation of Posse Comitatis, or is his going after the cartel alone?
2. Is Wolff using Steve to get to the cartel?
3. Is Wolff helping Steve because no one else is?
4. Is Wolff the only one who can bring a powerful politician like the mayor to justice?
– Who ordered Steve to be arrested and investigated for the death of the woman in his house?
– The night that Steve was shot, why wasn’t it Kristin who was killed, and where is she?
– What did Kristin not tell Steve about her husband?
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John Stimson’s Villain Has a Great Plan!
What I learned is… fleshing out the villain’s plan is where plot developments are created.
My Villain’s plan:
My villain’s end goal is to become president despite
ties to a Mexican drug cartel and being a groomer-pedophile.
The mayor uses his power over the LA Chief of Police to
quash the investigation into the developer’s death and having the cartel
provide a death squad to stop the hero, who stumbled onto the mayor’s
secrets.
Under the Chief’s orders (and mayor’s urging), the LAPD
rules the developer’s death a suicide and does not investigate any further
thereby covering-up the developer’s, and thus the mayor’s, connection to
the cartel, even though evidence points to the developer’s death as being
a homicide.
Intrigue sequencing:– In the opening scene the hero is shot while pursuing a man who murdered a woman at his house (the developer’s wife was staying at the hero home to avoid cartel sicarios).
– As the hero lies dying the story of how he got to this point is told “Sunset Boulevard Style.”
– In typical noir fashion, the hero is investigating one case when a female in trouble seeks his aid from an unknown set of dangerous men after her husband died mysteriously.
– The wife doesn’t know what her husband could have been doing that led to his death but he was powerful and had associations with powerful people in LA government.
– Signs lead the hero to believe that he is being surveilled, he thinks that it’s the cartel but it is someone else.
– The hero does not die from the gunshot but is suspected of killing the woman at his house and is arrested by the LAPD. At this point, the mid-point, the story is no longer told from the hero’s POV but it takes place in present time.
– Could the mayor be behind the hero’s arrest in order to stop the hero’s investigation or discredit and thing the hero finds.
– A special forces soldier trained in counter-terrorism, who the hero worked an operation in Afghanistan with, may be working an op on US soil and the drug cartel is the objective, so he helps the hero.
– The developer’s wife was not the woman killed at the hero’s house but she is missing. Did the cartel get her?
– The hero realizes that he has crossed paths with the man who shot him and it was before he started helping the developer’s wife; the man is a shady private investigator who performs services for studio heads and other rich and powerful people in LA—he also has ties to organized crime.
– The underworld PI was hired by the mayor.
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John Stimson’s BI Stacking Suspense
Throughout the film images in scenes are repeated from the images we see in the first, at first it ratches up the tension and suspense in the film, but after midway the repeated images become a tease without a payoff.
An interesting payoff of suspense was, having seen this more before (although many many years ago) and knowing who the killer was it was interesting to watch Jeanne Tripplehorn’s actions and reactions. She was unhinged, but you don’t know if it’s Beth’s feelings for Nick or if she’s the killer or she’s mentally fragile.
Suspense is stacked by Catherine’s showing of mental fragility after Roxy’s death, a new dimension to Catherine’s character.
Nick’s mental fragility is a part of the suspense stacking, too. He has a destructive personality more than a death wish. Riggs in Lethal Weapon gave up his desire to live, but Nick is reckless; he makes mistakes, he’s clumsy in the investigators’ scene after the first murder.
Nick’s recklessness is stacked. At the mid-point, Nick goes to the dance club to pursue Catherine because he wants her sexually. Nick taunts Roxy, which proves reckless. And having sex with Catherine after the dance club is reckless since he believes that she is the killer. Nick and Catherine’s sex scene is a replay of the murder images, as mentioned above.
Foreshadowing is used to stack the suspense. Late in the film, Nick reads Catherine’s galleys he reads a scene describing Shooter’s death scene which turns out to be the same body placement of Gus when Nick finds him a the elevator.
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John Stimson’s World and Characters
What I learned from this lesson is that with breaking down the Big M.I.S. you are able to see the depth and layers your story will have if you built from those points in the story.
The CONCEPT of my story “A Criminal Enterprise”: Steve Henderson was a SWAT officer with the LAPD before his guard unit was called to serve in Afghanistan. Steve lost his foot and lower leg when he stepped on an I.E.D. Now he provides private personal protection to L.A.’s rich and famous, along with doing private investigations. A former protection client, Kristin Erickson, calls Steve as she is being followed by some Latino thugs who act like they want to kill her. As Steve keeps Kristin away from the thugs, he tries to figure out why they are pursuing her. He discovers that they are drug cartel sicarios and he seeks help from the LAPD. However, the more Steve learns about the cartel and why they could be after Kristin the more reluctant the LAPD becomes to helping someone who was one of their own. A Delta Force operator, who Steve conducted an op in Afghanistan with, surveilling the cartel sicarios becomes Steve’s only ally.
1. The Big M.I.S. of my story
Big Mystery: Why
are the cartel members trying to abduct Kristin Erickson? Because she is
the wife of real estate developer—who died mysteriously—who was involved
in the L.A. mayor’s scheme to launder cartel money.<div><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Big Intrigue: The
Mayor of Los Angeles is the frontrunner of potential candidates in the
next presidential election. He is also connected to a Mexican drug
cartel—who would obviously want under its control the president of the
United States.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Big Suspense: Who
is the guy who shot Steve and decapitated the woman in Steve’s house? And,
is he working for the cartel or someone else?<div>
2. The Intriguing World I have selected: The world of Los Angeles politics, major real estate developments, that of a Mexican drug cartel, and to a lesser extent, the movie industry.
3. Top 3 characters’ role they play and then answer these three questions:
STEVE HENDERSON
Steve is the protagonist; the detective unraveling a mystery that may lead to his death.
His mystery: Whether Steve has come to terms with his loss of limb and the turn it caused his life’s path.
The suspense of his character: Will Steve live? Cartel members and others are trying to kill him.
The intrigue of Steve’s character: Before Kristin needed his help, Steve was working an private investigation that was leading him to a nefarious secret kept by the Los Angeles mayor’s family.
KRISTIN ERICKSON
Kristin is at first the damsel in distress who becomes the femme fatale who leads the hero (Steve) to his doom.
Her mystery: Does she know more about her dead husband’s dealings with the mayor and the cartel than what she told Steve?
The suspense of her character: Kristin disappears the night Steve was shot and another woman killed in Steve’s house, is she dead or alive?
The intrigue of Kristin’s character: The cartel could have easily killed her but they tried to abduct her so it might be that the cartel believes Kristin has something of might of value to them.
TRAVIS WOLFF
Travis Wolff crossed paths with Steve in Afghanistan and now crosses paths again in Los Angeles, the drug cartel pursuing Kristin are in the crosshairs of this Delta Force operator.
His mystery: Why is U.S. Special Forces counter-terrorism operator working an op in L.A.?
The suspense of his character: Can Wolff protect Steve from the cartel and the others trying to kill him?
The intrigue of Wolff’s character: Is he acting on his own or is he working a counter-terrorism op for the US government?
</div></div>
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“What I learned doing this assignment is…this assignment allowed me to flesh out what are the big plot points of my story and let me see that there is potential for a good thrill ride.
1. conventions of my story
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Former LAPD SWAT
officer, wounded warrior, now doing personal protection for L.A.’s rich
and famous<div>Dangerous Villain: The mayor of LA, with connections to
the Zetas, a Mexican drug cartel, has aspirations of running for president
in the next election.High stakes: Hero protecting a woman who the cartel sicarios
are trying to kill while trying to figure out why the cartel wants her
dead—her murdered husband was developing properties financed by cartel
money.Life and death situations: Hero is shot and left for
dead–by someone it turns out that he met at a Hollywood Hills party who
is a criminal private investigator with underworld ties and who was hired
by the mayor of LA.–while he was protecting the wife of a real estate
developer from the Zeta sicarios.This story is thrilling because? In order for the mayor’s
presidential aspirations to stay intact, the hero cannot live to discover and
reveal the mayor’s ties to the Mexican drug cartel.<div>
2. My story’s Big M.I.S.
Big Mystery: Several players in the political and
entertainment community are somehow inter-connected in trying to kill the
hero before he figures out that the mayor is connected to the cartel.Big Intrigue: The mayor of LA is assisting the cartel’s
laundering of money by funneling money through big real estate
developments in LA.Big Suspense: Hero discovers that the people trying to
kill him is not the cartel but someone else connected to another case he
is working on indirectly involving
the mayor.</div></div>
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The Ghost Writer (2010), written by Robert Harris and Roman Polanski
5. What I learned from this lesson is how not to write a thriller.
2.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: The ghost writer (Ewan McGregor) while not an investigative reporter, uses Google to investigate the people involved with the Prime Minister (Pierce Brosnan)
Dangerous Villain: “Someone” is killing people over The PM’s Memoir
High stakes: Death and the PM could be a war criminal
Life and death situations: A suicide may have been a murder and the witnesses are being disposed of and someone is trailing the ghost writer (McGregor)
This movie is thrilling because? It unfortunately was not thrilling, it had the possibility of being thrilling but, too many plot holes.
3.
Big Mystery: The 2<sup>nd</sup> Ghost Writer (Ewan McGregor) begins to believe that the 1<sup>st</sup> Ghost Writer’s death wasn’t a suicide but a murder
Big Intrigue: The 1<sup>st</sup> Ghost Writer hid the identity of the CIA plant in the British Govt in the prose of the memoir and the CIA, supposedly, wants the manuscript before it gets published.
Big Suspense: Will the CIA or whoever it is that is tailing the 2<sup>nd</sup> Ghost Writer kill him.
4. “The Ghost Writer” was directed and co-written by Roman Polanski, the director of “Chinatown,” if “The Ghost Writer” is any indication of Polanski’s ability as a storyteller then the genius of “Chinatown” was all the screenwriter Robert Towne. “The Ghost Writer” had so much promise, a great mystery, betrayals, intrigue, an excellent cast (except for Ewan McGregor, I could believe him to be a wimp writer from England but no a resourceful hero here) but the plot holes are as big as the Grand Canyon. Arrogance and hubris are probably what got this Universal Pictures movie greenlit. An interesting premise was squandered. Did I mention that the hero used Google to find out someone worked for the CIA? That’s how bad the writing in this movie was.
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John Stimson. I agree to the terms of this release form:
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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John Stimson’s Horror Plot
2. What I learned doing this assignment is you’re looking at building the story from “the Monster” out instead of the protagonist in another genre.
1.
ACT 1 – SET UP FOR HORROR
The atmosphere of evil is setup on the first page when Mojo, an outlaw biker and lead supporting character, encounters a mysterious man walking on the side the road; Mojo sees his eyes, they seem like the eyes of a demon.
On page 3, that mysterious man kills the first victim.
A Radio Preacher for KGOD-AM is here to narrate and admonish from “The Book of Revelation” to his listening audience that Lucifer is now battling his rival, so they must send their donations to the station.
Deputy Lopez crosses the line from law enforcement to criminal.
The Nature of The Beast moment is when Lucifer/The Trucker Driver slaughters children inside a school.
ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Angelita “becomes an outlaw biker’s girlfriend.” However, the gang rape is interrupted by the trucker driver, who parks the 18-wheeler outside the motel (the rape was being watched by the creepy motel manager). And what we didn’t see happen to the school children we do get to see happen to the bikers—decapitations, etc., gore for gore’s sake yes, but think of it as cinematic spectacle.
Angelita goes with Michael in his car and the trucker driver pursues them, like the movie “Duel.”
MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!
Deputy Lopez/the audience sees the carnage in the motel room: the eviscerated bikers. Also, the bodies from the migrants, that were in the trailer of the 18-wheeler, are discovered in a ritual formation.
ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR
Michael and the truck driver engage in a vehicle duel until it climaxes with the truck driver and his 18-wheeler colliding with a train in a fiery crash.
Michael the Archangel and Lucifer the dragon fight mano-a-mano.
The Truck Driver reappears and kills the Radio Preacher as he leaves the radio station.
The Motel Manager replays his closed-circuit video and sees how the bikers were slaughtered and who actually killed them. And that killer appears in the room with him. Fade out.
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John Stimson’s Characters for Horror
4. I learned that this was a good way to incapsulate your story for yourself and see where your ideas are heading.
1. My movie is called “Tales From The Devil’s Highway.” At first glance, it is a slasher-exploitation film of the horror genre. But the concept and the context of the story is, the protagonist and antagonist are Michael and Lucifer engaged in a “Book of Revelation” duel here on earth. The group of victims in the story are a collection of innocents and the corrupt in an area of the Southwest U.S.A., just north of the border from Mexico, along Route 666.
2. The first death is Truck Driver from Mexico smuggling migrant, Lucifer kills him to take his body and vehicle (an 18-wheeler). The Truck Driver/Lucifer subsequently slaughters the truckload of migrants and leaves their bodies in their desert in a ritualistic formation that law enforcement later finds.
The truck driver kills another innocent.
An innocent, this time a bounty hunter, is killed by one of the corrupt in the story, which leads to a cop becoming corrupted by temptation and going down the short path to damnation.
The next to die, at the hand of the truck driver, although not seen, is a classroom of children. The truck driver’s kills represent “evil.”
Outlaw bikers are slaughtered.
But when Michael begins pursuit of the truck driver after the killing of the school children, the truck driver’s fury is directed more at Michael and their fight, so casualties are fewer for a time and are collateral losses until the third act.
3. Michael—Actually a man never referred to by name, unrelentingly pursuing the truck driver and at times being pursed by the killer himself.
The truck driver—a sadistic mass killer, prefers to use blades and instruments that impale his victims.
Angelita—she is a temptress and seemingly a survivor but that’s red herring because she is the femme fatale.
Deputy Lopez—tempted by finding money and heroin that did not belong to him, in the sub-plot.
Radio Preacher—role of the narrator, cad, and explainer of the Book of Revelation.
The Mescaleros—motorcycle gang who meet gory demises.
Buck—The tow truck driver who fancies himself as lady’s man.
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John Stimson’s Terrifying Monster
3. What I learned doing this assignment is what makes a movie monster and the thinking that should go into crafting your monster’s story.
1. My monster is a mass murder; a man killing innocents and the corrupt.
2. – The killer’s terror is he is indiscriminate in who he kills and who his victims are; he is truly evil. The superstitious in the story believe him to be some kind of a monster or a demon.
– The killer is being pursued by a mysterious man, who he turns the tables and becomes a potentially deadly threat to that man, too.
– The killer’s fear-provoking appearance is when he kills the driver of a tractor-trailer carrying migrants illegally across the border and then commandeers the vehicle and slaughters the cargo. Then, he drives across the desert killing more and more.
– The killer uses blades or tools that cut or impale to kill, never a gun. Although, he does run over an outlaw biker with his semi-tractor trailer. (Since this is an exploitation film, it’s meant to be splatter film.)
– The monster’s mythology is that this is a tale taken from the Book of Revelation, the killer is Lucifer and the mysterious man pursuing/doing battle with him is the Archangel Michael, both in human form, just before the End of Times.
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John Stimson
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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John Stimson’s Query Letter Draft ONE
4. What I learned doing this assignment is the query letter like writing itself is all about editing, editing, editing; trimming and finding the best words, and in this case, too, the best hooks.
3.
Title: THE TERRORIST
Written by: John Stimson
Genre: Suspense / Thriller
My research into bomb technology and federal courthouse construction when writing “The Terrorist” was so in-depth that I discovered that I was being surveilled.
I told the two LAPD cops that I played golf with that if I didn’t show up for one of our Monday tee times to come and look for me in the system, because I had probably been arrested. “The Terrorist” won Best Screenplay at the 2021 Paris Film Festival. I earned my bachelor’s degree at the University of Southern California’s School of Cinematic Arts.
Harold Case is “The Terrorist” and is the last man anyone would ever suspect of being a sociopath and a cold-hearted killer. He is movie-star handsome and charismatic. He is one of the most popular professors at the University of Washington. He is respected and he is a member of a think tank that devises scenarios to protect people from terrorists, like him. Case leads law enforcements investigators in a deadly game of cat and mouse after his bomb destroys the federal courthouse in Seattle, and they’re the mouse.
If you like the concept, I would be happy to send you the script.
Thank you.
Respectfully,
John Stimson
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John Stimson’s Target Market
Title: “The Terrorist”
A brilliant and charismatic engineering professor is also a think tank security expert who devises scenarios to protect people from terrorists, like him. He engages law enforcement investigators in an intense game of cat-and-mouse after his bomb destroys the federal courthouse in Seattle, and they’re the mouse.
Genre: Thriller
3. What I learned doing this assignment is you can select potential buyers of your script by targeting the producers who have produced films in your script’s genre and in a similar budget range because that is that producer’s niche.
1. Movies: Collateral, Drive, Nightcrawler, The American, Shattered
Lead actor: George Clooney, Jon Hamm, Kyle Chandler, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Gerard Butler
2. Producers similar films:
COLLATERAL producers:
Bryan H. Carroll…associate producer
Gusmano Cesaretti…associate producer
Frank Darabont…executive producer
Michael Doven…associate producer: Mr. Cruise (uncredited)
Robert N. Fried…executive producer (as Rob Fried)
Peter Giulliano…executive producer
Julie Herrin…associate producer
Michael Mann…producer
Julie Richardson…producer
Chuck Russell…executive producer
Michael Waxman…co-producer
DRIVE producers:
Frank Capra III…co-producer
Garrick Dion…co-producer
Joe Fineman…associate producer
David Lancaster…executive producer
Bill Lischak…executive producer
Michel Litvak…producer
Linda McDonoough…executive producer
John Palermo…producer
Marc Platt…producer
Gigi Pritzker…producer
Chris Ranta…production: Odd Lot Entertainment
Peter Schlessel…executive producer
Adam Siegel…producer
James Smith…co-producer
Jeffrey Stott…executive producer
Gary Michael Walters…executive producer
NIGHTCRAWLER producers:
Betsy Danbury…executive producer
Garrick Dion…associate producer: Bold Films
Jennifer Fox…producer
Tony Gilroy…producer
Juliana Guedes…associate producer
Jake Gyllenhaal…producer
David Lancaster…producer
Michel Litvak…producer
Gary Michael Walters…executive producer
Stephanie Wilcox…associate producer: Bold Films
THE AMERICAN producers:
Anne Carey…producer (produced by)
George Clooney…producer (produced by)
Kevin Flatow…associate producer
Jill Green…producer (produced by)
Grant Heslov…producer (produced by)
Enzo Sisti…executive producer
Moa Westeson…line producer: Sweden unit
Ann Wingate…producer (produced by)
SHATTERED producers:
Jeff Abberley…co-executive producer
Martin Bigham…third party producer: Icon Entertainment International
Julia Blackman…co-executive producer
Pierce Brosnan…producer
Bruce Davey…executive producer
Marina Grasic…executive producer
Ron McLeod…co-producer
William Miorrissey…producer
Michael Potkins…line producer
Amanda Scarano…supervising producer: Chicago (as Amanda J. Scarano)
Beau St. Clair…executive producer
David Valleau…executive producer (as Dave Valleau)
William Vince…producer
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John Stimson’s Phone Pitch
4. What I learned from this lesson is that it’s possible to pitch over the telephone but you have to lead with you best stuff and brevity is key.
1. Will lead with credibility
2. “Hi, I’m John Stimson. I have an award-winning screenplay and I am wondering if I could run a quick pitch by you?… It’s a thriller. It’s called “The Terrorist.” It’s about a brilliant and charismatic engineering professor who engages law enforcement investigators in an intense game of cat-and-mouse after his bomb destroys the federal courthouse in Seattle, and they’re the mouse.”
3.
-Mid-budget range $11 million to $25 million
-George Clooney, Jon Hamm, Kyle Chandler, or Jeffrey Dean Morgan
-126 pages
-No other production companies yet, but a handful of film festival screenwriting competitions.
-Action movies like this are in your wheelhouse.
-Baylor captures Professor Case after a wild car pursuit; Baylor chooses justice over vengeance. Case goes to trial and is found guilty of his crimes and his sent to federal lock-up. But before he is sent to prison, Case is granted a full presidential pardon; a favor the president owed Case’s benefactor. Case returns to academia and is celebrated as a folk hero.
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John Stimson’s Pitch Fest Pitch
5. What I learned is that the pitch about using the story’s strongest hook to give the recipient a taste of the story and having them wanting to ask questions about your story, yet still you must walk that line of enticing and having them want to know more (want to ask to read your screenplay).
“HI, I’m John Stimson. Today, I have a thriller that won Best Original Screenplay at the 2021 Paris Film Festival, it’s called THE TERRORIST. It’s a story about a brilliant and charismatic engineering professor who is also a think tank domestic policy security expert who devises scenarios to protect Americans from terrorists, like him.”
4. – It’s a Middle Budget production; it calls for stunts, action, and a movie star.
– George Clooney, Jon Hamm, or Kyle Chandler to play the lead.
– In Act 1, Professor Case is a man living two very extraordinary lives; he is brilliant at both and we’re envious of both. We’re also introduced to a young Seattle cop, Baylor, who is a family man and a damn good police officer, maybe a little too intense. Case is involved in something nefarious with a political powerbroker who uses a private jet for his office.
In Act 2, Case blows up the Seattle federal courthouse. Baylor’s wife and son are among those killed. Federal law enforcement comes to investigate, including ATF agent Miranda Tucker. She soon believes the courthouse bomb is like another bomb she investigated. Case bombs other political targets in the Seattle area. Baylor deals with his grief. Case requests that Baylor deliver a ransom demand. Baylor accepts to mete out revenge, but Case evades. We find out the reason for blowing up the courthouse was that a grand jury was convened there and going to indict Case’s benefactor, the political powerbroker.
In Act 3, Case uses his lover to deliver a bomb to the feds’ investigating him command center; she realizes that he sent her to die—this guy is a sociopath. Miranda and Baylor prevent the bomb from detonating. Baylor pursues Case in a wild car chase. Case goes to trial and is found guilty of his crimes and sent to federal lock-up.
– The twist ending is Baylor and Miranda race to the federal lock-up just in time to see the smug look on Case’s face as he is released from prison. Thanks to Case’s benefactor, the political powerbroker, Case received a full presidential pardon. Case goes back to teaching and is received on campus like some folk hero. In an epilogue, Baylor has joined the ATF and is Miranda’s partner and they arrive at the bombing of a police station in Oregon that could have been Case’s doing.
– I earned my bachelor’s degree from the University of Southern California’s School of Cinematic Arts. Two other screenplays I have written have recently won Best Screenplay Awards in Film Festival screenwriting competitions. I am an optioned screenwriter. And I am an attorney.
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John Stimson’s Query Letter
Title: THE TERRORIST
Written by: John Stimson
Genre: Suspense / Thriller
My research into bomb technology and federal courthouse construction when writing “The Terrorist” was so in-depth that I discovered that I was being surveilled.
I told the two cops that I played golf with that if I didn’t show up one Monday for our tee time to come and look for me in the system, because I had probably been arrested, which is why I dedicated the novel to them. “The Terrorist” won Best Screenplay at the 2021 Paris Film Festival. I earned my bachelor’s degree at the University of Southern California’s School of Cinematic Arts.
Harold Case is “The Terrorist” and is the last man anyone would ever suspect of being a sociopath and a cold-hearted killer. He is movie-star handsome and charismatic. He is one of the most popular professors at the University of Washington. He is respected and he is a member of a domestic policy think tank that devises scenarios to protect American citizens, from terrorists like him. Case leads law enforcement into a deadly game of cat and mouse—and they are the mouse.
If you like the concept, I would be happy to send you the script.
[contact info]
What I learned doing this assignment is that the query letter needs to be creative, you hook your audience. Yet it you’re brief and to the point. And come across as a professional.
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John Stimson’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is that “A great pitch is built on hooks!” so I used the hooks and found that I was able to write a concise synopsis.
Harold Case, PhD, is a charismatic, handsome, and popular engineering professor at the University of Washington. He is a member of a domestic security policy think tank which specializes in devising scenarios to keep people safe from terroristic threats caused by someone like him, because Harold Case is a bomber who creates sophisticated explosive systems. Case is on retainer for a political power broker, Jordan Pearce, who uses a Gulfstream G-550 private jet for an office. An impending federal grand jury criminal indictment against Pearce is never to be handed over when a massive bomb concealed in a city bus parked next to the 23-story federal courthouse explodes, killing everyone inside, including the wife and son of Seattle police office Danny Baylor, who were inside the build on a grammar school field trip.
Federal law enforcement comes in to investigate the crime, including ATF agent Miranda Tucker and her bomb sniffing K-9. As brilliant as professor Case is, he is a sociopath. Case leads the cops and the local vain politicians in a game of cat and mouse—they being the mouse. Specifically, Baylor, who Case choses to deliver a ransom and Baylor accepts because Baylor sees it as an opportunity to mete out vengeance or justice—he’s still undecided. And as charming as Case is, he is not above using his lover to deliver a bomb meant to kill the feds and also take her life with it. Professor Case is multifaceted, multi-layered and reveals himself to be a Nihilist in a rare moment of self-reflection in his interrogation scene.
But, as in all conspiracy thrillers, like “The Parallax View” and “Three Days of The Condor,” it has twist ending.
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John Stimson’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
4. What I learned doing this assignment is having a strong marketable hook is the key for your elevator pitch.
1. A charismatic. Handsome and respect engineering professor is a bomber for hire for attacks targets for his benefactor, who is a political powerbroker.
2. Dilemma—The Main Character is the Anti-Hero. Outwardly he has everything going for him, but inwardly, he is a sociopath and absent of dilemma in this story.
Main Conflict—The heroic young cop, on the other hand, is conflicted over whether he is pursuing the villain for vengeance or justice.
What’s at Stake?—When interrogated, the villain reveals himself to be remorseless about the lives he takes and that he is a nihilist.
Goal/Unique Opposition—The villain/professor is also a domestic security policy advisor at a think tank, devising scenarios against people just like him.
3. He is an admired and respected college professor.
He is a domestic security policy advisor.
He is “The Terrorist.”
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John Stimson’s 10 Most Interesting Things
4. What I learned doing this assignment is to think about talking about this story from a different point of view than I usually have when presenting it.
3. 1-There’s this political powerbroker who uses his private jet for his office.
2-And a federal grand jury is convened in the courthouse in Seattle prepared to hand down a criminal indictment against him.
3-Well, he has this charismatic, handsome, and respected engineering professor at the University of Washington on retainer to “take care of problems” for him.
4-The professor designs and places a sophisticated bomb in city bus and parks it outside the federal courthouse where it explodes
5-And destroys the 23-story building, killing almost everyone inside
6-including the wife and son of a Seattle police officer, who were there on a grammar school field trip.
7-The Feds come in and investigate the crimes. And, the professor, as brilliant as he is, is a sociopath, so he decides to lead the cops in a game of cat and mouse—they being the mouse.
8-Specifically, the cop whose family was killed. He’s willing to deliver a ransom demand because it could present him the opportunity to enact vengeance or justice—he’s undecided.
9-The charming professor is not above using his lover to deliver a bomb to the feds and become a victim herself when it is meant to explodes and kill them.
10-Like the great conspiracy movies “The Parallax View” and “The Days of The Condor” it has a twist ending.
1. A-Unlike most villains, the audience is envious of this one; the hero is a highly=skilled marksman.
B-Is this guy really a villain?
C-Hero decides to deliver ransom.
D-Hero cop dealing with the death of his family as direct action of villain, is hero seeking revenge or justice?
E-The reason for blowing-up the federal courthouse was for the villain’s benefactor.
F-Villain evades law enforcement gets to safety but turns back around to go back and engage.
G-Villain’s lover realizes that she was used to deliver bomb and be killed in the process.
H-A surprise ending.
2. There are several strong roles for actresses and great roles for character actors; the location is Seattle and the Pacific Northwest; and, it’s a political thriller like a Tom Clancy novel (which have been successful movie franchises) also it’s in the vein like the great films “The Parallax View,” “The Conversation,” and “Three Days of The Condor.”
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John Stimson Producer/Manager
1. My pitch of my script “The Terrorist” to a producer:
It’s marketable because it’s a high-concept story and a star vehicle; you could describe it as a Michael Mann movie, like “Collateral.” Although, it is comparable to a Vince Flynn or a Tom Clancy novel because there’s political intrigue.
In fact, the novel version of “The Terrorist,” which I am the author, is available via Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and has sold worldwide.
It is a movie star vehicle for the most likeable, handsome, charismatic male actor. It gives him everything to make him even more desirable and admirable, on the screen, and yet the character is a sociopath.
It’s a thriller. It has action (bombs and buildings exploding and chase sequences) which makes it attractive to funding and distribution sources who would back this project.
2. My pitch of my script “The Terrorist” to a Manager:
The three screenplays that I have recently written I entered into several screenwriting competitions, each won a Best Original Script award. “The Terrorist” at the Paris Film Festival last September.
I earned my BA at the University of Southern California’s School of Cinematic Arts.
Most of the stories that I write are action orientated, but doesn’t it seem that the stories that are financially successful are the ones that have action? The answer is yes. In my case, Men and women characters of action are the ones that interest me to write about.
3. I learned that the pitch is different, to the manager you pitch yourself and how marketable a writer you are or can be. Whereas to a producer to have to pitch how marketable your script is to the factor he or she must take it to the next level.
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John Stimson’s Marketable Components
4. In this lesson I learned about and to think about “Business Hooks.”
1. A respected and charismatic engineering professor at the University of Washington is a bomber for hire who attacks political targets.
2. J: A great role for a bankable actor
B: Unique
3. The main character is a villain who goes against the tradition grain; not an iconoclastic loner Unabomber-type, but instead he is the most popular professor on campus. The character is meant for the handsome leading man.
I once told the premise of this story to three Black Muslim men from Africa and they were amused about prospect of a white American being depicted as a terrorist.
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Hi Everyone,
I’m John Stimson. I have written three screenplays but do not know how to market them or myself. It sounds like I’ve stumbled upon the right place, so I hope to learn some nice lessons about how the industry works. This seems like it will be quite an interesting course.
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1. Thriller; “The Terrorist;” A respected and charismatic engineering professor at the University of Washington is a bomber for hire.
2. This is a movie star vehicle; while also offering a role which could establish a new action star.
3. Actor’s production companies, since it’s a movie star role it would be best to seek out actors with the gravitas to play the lead—but not talking about big movie stars—actors looking for projects they can star in and bring to a studio where they have a deal.
4. Selling is about hooking, not telling. Market your script to your audience don’t tell them about it—fit their need.
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John Stimson. I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Nancy,
Thank you very much for the encouragement. That is kind of you to take the time. And, heck, what nice things you said. 🙂 Best of wishes to you, too.
Good fortune in your writing always, John
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Gordon,
Thank you for taking the time to read my query. I appreciate the encouraging words. Best of luck with your screenwriting, with your background you surely have some interesting characters you can conjure up and place in a situation. Take care. John