Johnny Cullen
Forum Replies Created
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Johnny’s Amazing Opening Scene
I am satisfied with my opening and I believe it ticks multiple boxes offered with a lot of foreshadowing, character introduction and tone. (I changed the opening during the Beat Sheet part of the course)
OPENING SCENE——
INSERT ANIMATED SEQUENCE
A 16 Bit digital landscape of the west of Ireland illuminates the screen. A deep elderly male voice over narrates the scene.
VOICE OVER
For too long the voices of the Celtic gods have been silenced. Buried and banished by the evil St. Patrick on the hills of the Sidhe.
We see an animated, ripped St. Patrick with flames in his eyes laughing hysterically.
VOICE OVER
But now the time has come…The Tuatha Da Dannan and Fomorians have joined forces to take back the Emerald Isle from the Christian enslavers.
A muscly CU CHULAINN and a one eyed goblin BALOR grasp each others palms.
VOICE OVER
A fighting tournament to decide the fate of our land. This. Is. Emerald Fist!
A shimmering animated Emerald rotates across the screen with a golden triskelion etched on the front. The titles EMERALD FIST appears with pumping techno music.
INT. LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
We pull back from the screen to reveal scrawny DIARMUID (12) gaming controller grasped in his hands, cross legged, eyes glued to the screen. He’s completely enthralled.
Suddenly the door behind Diarmuid opens, in walks Diarmuid’s mother ALICE (42) drunk with a chaotic sense of affection. A live, laugh, lunatic desperate for love.
ALICE
Diarmuid, you’re still up! I want you to meet someone.
Diarmuid reluctantly turns his head. In walks RICHARD, (45) goatee, gant shirt and chinos. If the sock-less loafers weren’t screaming conman the bucket of Old spice certainly was. A greasy smile stretches his overly moisturised face.
ALICE
This is Richard! You can start calling him daddy from now on! Isn’t that exciting?
Richard’s awkward smile is quickly snuffed out.
RICHARD
Don’t say that Alice, Jesus Christ.
ALICE
I’ll leave you two to get to know each other for a moment.
Alice darts out of the room bottle of wine in hand. Richard stands looking at Diarmuid. Diarmuid stares back in total silence.
RICHARD
What’s that you’re playing there, little man?
DIARMUID
Emerald Fist.
RICHARD
Nice.
An awkward silence.
DIARMUID
Want to play?
We jump forward. Diarmuid and Richard are mid game – they are both struggling. Alice sits on the sofa in the background.
RICHARD
Come on! What the fuck. Its the first round how are we losing?
ALICE
Isn’t this nice?
DIARMUID
I think we have to work together on our tim…
RICHARD
Diarmuid your just not good enough okay?
Diarmuid dejected. Nods his head. Richard laughs. He taps him on the nose.
The voice from the game rings out in the room.
VOICE OVER
Soul Destroying!
We close in on Diarmuid’s profile, breaking the fourth wall. Eyes welling up.
MATCH CUT TO:
INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY.
Diarmuid (34) works out grimly on a treadmill in a gym, facing himself in a mirror. But no matter how fast he runs, he’s always in the one spot, never able to reach himself.
We hear the inside of Diarmuid’s headphones, a deep-voiced testosterone-fuelled podcast about motivation.
PODCAST
To be the best you have to sweat, grind…You have do whatever it takes to win…
Diarmuid trips, he falls onto the treadmill like a cartoon anvil, he speeds off the end and crashes into a girl working out.
INSERT PHONE SCREEN
The scene is now a DUBLINGOSS Shamgram post with the caption DISGRACED SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUCENER DIARMUID RYAN, WHO BOUGHT ALL HIS FOLLOWERS, FALLS HARD AGAIN AT THE GYM, AGAIN.
EXT. STREET. DAY
We pull out of the phone to reveal Diarmuid outside the gym. He takes a breath and whispers to himself a quote from an earlier podcast.
DIARMUID
You have to go through the worst to get to the best!
We return to the phone as a notification illuminates the screen. It’s a message from TOM AGENT.
TOM AGENT
Hey, Diarmuid, we had a dropout for Zenergise *Sad Emoji* Any chance you could come by the studio today?
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Johnny Cullen’s – Amazing ending.
I believe the majority of my ending already ticked the boxes apart from the final page which really now wraps the film up nicely. It’s nice to put it back in perspective.
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Intro/Opening – Diarmuid Plays Emerald Fist With Newly Anointed Stepfather Richard Makes Him Feel Inadequate- Flashforward Diarmuid As A Failed Cheating Influencer Craving Adoration.
Inciting Incident – Father Gets Arrested For Fraud At Half-Sister’s Birthday. Diarmuid Must Find Money To Bail Their Father Out Or He Will Have Custody Of Maeve.
The Solutions – Diarmuid Tries To Get A Loan, Ask Rich Friends, Calls His Mother To Explain The Situation She Says “Richard Had It Coming”
Diarmuid Reaches Out To Successful Friend Kevin For A Loan He’s Denied.
Locked In – Diarmuid Enters The Emerald Fist Competition With Maeve Through Desperation (Influencer Opportunity? )They Begin Training Together. Maeve Gets A Period … All Goes Well.
Mid-Point Twist Until Kevin And Diarmuid’s Roommate Are In Cahoots. Maeve And Diarmuid Prepare To Battle Them Their Relationship Strained. Diarmuid Looks To Pursue His Influencer Career. Mother Returns To Take Maeve Back.
Falling down the mountain Maeve Goes Missing With Mother -. Diarmuid Steals Maeve Back Diarmuid Confesses They Need To Win His Ego More Dominant (She Looks To Cheat Like Diarmuid Did When He Was Younger).
Climax They Fight Their Way Up Loser Brackets (Montage). Maeve’s Gamepad Gives An Advantage. They Make It To The Final. Maeve Gets Caught Out. Diarmuid Claims Responsibility. They Lose.
Resolution – Richard Gets Sentenced But Their Mother Pays The Bill. Moment Of Forgiveness. Maeve Lives With Richard And Diarmuid In Her Apartment.
Final Page – Diarmuid And Maeve host their own Twitch Stream while looking after Richard.
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Final Page Revised – Diarmuid And Richard Play Emerald Fist Again – With Diarmuid In A Compassionate But Powerful Position.
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Johnny Cullen Most Memorable Lines
What I learned from doing this exercise is that focusing on key lines can really land a scene.
Before
Diarmuid
All publicity is good publicity.
After
Diarmuid
You have to go through the worst to get to the best!
— Before
DIARMUID (TEXT ON SCREEN)
Can we meet for a coffee? Would love to get some…
Diarmuid ponders a moment, then finishes his sentence.
DIARMUID
Business advice.
After
DIARMUID (TEXT ON SCREEN)
Can we meet for a coffee? Would love to get some…
Diarmuid ponders a moment, Writes a line
DIARMUID
Business advice…
Diarmuid quickly backtracks and rewrites.
DIARMUID
Spiritual Mentorship.
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BEFORE
VICTOR
Its a lot for them to have to deal with all of a sudden. I think seeing things from their view could go a long way.
Maeve pushes the chair away from the table.
MAEVE
Excuse me.
ALICE
Maeve…just…For fuck sake Victor.
AFTER
VICTOR
Its a lot for them to have to deal with all of a sudden. I think seeing things from their view could go a long way.
Maeve pushes the chair away from the table.
MAEVE
Excuse me.
ALICE
Nobody fucking move!
Alice laughs nervously followed by complete silence.
Maeve tries to cautiously move her chair but the sound of screeching reverberates amongst the tension.
ALICE
You may be excused Maeve.
Maeve dashes upstairs. She gets a text from Richard.
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Johnny loves separating character dialogue.
It’s quite effective when you hone in on characters’ dialogue how you sometimes see inconsistencies. Even if you liked it you have to rework to be true to the character.
Character Name: Diarmuid Ryan
Role: Protagonist/ Failed Influencer
Core Character Traits
– Deep Sense of Inadequacy
– Determined
– Attention seeking
– Insecure
Character Subtext Logline: Diarmuid is a failed influencer desperate for success.
His mission: desperately trying to win a video game competition to avoid custody of his half-sister.
Want: To be a successful influencer Need: Self love/Unconditional Love – Sense of worth.
<hr>
Beginning – Diarmuid is a failed influencer desperately looking to grow his popularity.
Middle – Diamruid enlists with Maeve in a video game competition to avoid responsibility for her by saving their stepfather from prison. While also looking to garner popularity through twitch streamers.
End – Diarmuid learns to let go of external approval and sacrifices his ego for the sake of his sister.
THERE ARE LOTS OF SUBTLE CHANGES THROUGHOUT THAT ARE TO MANY TO MENTION BUT HERE ARE THREE..
BEFORE: Zenergise want me to be their brand ambassador…maybe.
AFTER:Zenergise want me to be their brand ambassador.
BEFORE: Hey, come on it’s all going to get sorted out but you’re going to have stay with me for awhile.
AFTER: Hey, come on it’s all going to get sorted out but you’re going to have stay with me for a few days.
BEFORE: Stepfather. He’s in a bit of, well pretty serious financial trouble and I was wondering if I could borrow some money off you and then pay you back in instalments?
AFTER: Stepfather. He’s in a bit of, well, let’s just say his divine economic nourishment is in a state of trauma.
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Johnny Cullen’s Scene Transitions
I love scene transitions and it was great seeing a few more examples of how to implement them. Here are two revised scenes with different Tranisitions.
Maeve shows Diarmuid the screen. We see the details EMERALD FIST TOURNAMENT 50K TOP PRIZE DOUBLES ONLY – SUCCESSFUL ENTRY!
Diarmuid stares at Maeve, Maeve stares at Diarmuid. They both smile. They high five!
DIARMUID
Fuck yeah!
MATCH CUT TO:
EXT. CELL VISITORS ROOM. DAY
Diarmuid and Maeve are sitting smiling blankly ahead of them. We see the reverse of Richard behind reinforced glass.
RICHARD
That’s your plan? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
MAEVE
We’re going to save you dad!
DIARMUID
It’s perfect, we just need to get our heads together, Me and Maeve are going to put in the hours, we’re born winners! Nothing can stop us.
Diarmuid flexes his bicep. Richard stares at them both. His face is as pale as a sheet.
RICHARD
I’m going to fucking jail.
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Diarmuid leans in confused and curious.
TOM AGENT
Diarmuid do you mind?
DIARMUID
You’re all a sad sack of backstabbing bastards!
CLIENT
Hey, Derek, Fuck off will ya.
Diarmuid takes a step back. We enter into his mind.
INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY.
We see Diarmuid as a child playing Emerald Fist in his room. Practising intensely.
WE hear shouting in the other room.
RICHARD
I’m done, I’m done you crazy bitch. This is the last time.
ALICE
Richard, please! Please Richard.
RICHARD
I can’t do this. He’s not my responsibility. It’s too much.
Richard storms past Diarmuid’s room with a badly packed suitcase in hand. He stares at Richard. Richard stares at Diarmuid. A second game controller outstretched on the bed.
RICHARD
Sorry Diarmuid. Another time maybe.
Richard storms out of the building. Alice howls next door. Diarmuid enters into the room.
ALICE
Fuck off Diarmuid!
DIARMUID
But mum…
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY
We return to The Client finishing Alice’s sentence.
CLIENT
I said Fuck off!
Twitch streamer VIKRAM commentating on the match. The twitch streamer is reading off a document.
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Johnny Cullen’s Elevated Scene Structures
What I learned from doing this assignment was that it is quite difficult to really go under the hood of a scene and find its meaning but by doing so it can be very rewarding and offer a lot of clarity.
Original Scene:
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY
Diarmuid and Maeve arrive into the gaming competitive arena. The room is packed with game-players, cosplayers (as many Fomorians as Tuatha De Dannan’s), audience members, and the waifs, strays, and vagabond weirdos you’d expect from a niche subculture like this. Screens blast digital pummelling of two and three dimensions from all corners of the room, and bowel deep techno beats thump through the foundations.
DIARMUID
Well this is…different.
Maeve eyes light up – she’s found her tribe. A woman (STACEY) arrives with a clip board.
STACEY
Diarmuid! A real life celebrity is taking part in the competition!
Diarmuid smiles.
DIARMUID
Well I wouldn’t say that.
STACEY
Neither would I. I was joking.
Maeve outstretches her hand to shake it. Stacey’s hand is all contorted and backwards.
STACEY
Sorry Carpal tunnel, too many competitive matches.
Maeve looks at her own hands in horror.
STACEY
The bracket is over there, Deermud and Ravingmaeve! Best of luck.
Diarmuid and Maeve make their way over to the competitor board. Maeve stops him.
MAEVE
What happened that makes everyone hate you?
DIARMUID
That’s a little heavy-handed Maeve? It’s also not true.
MAEVE
Sorry.
DIARMUID
I bought a lot of followers.
MAEVE
Why?
Diarmuid takes a moment. He smiles awkwardly.
DIARMUID
I had to do whatever it takes. To be the best I can be.
They arrive at the competitor board. Diarmuid lines up a photograph framing Maeve in the photo. Somethings missing. Him of course. He adjusts the angle into a selfie snaps a photo and adds the tags, #emeraldfist #feelthefury #family #feelthelove.
DIARMUID
To be on top here we have to win every match.
MAEVE
Every match?
DIARMUID
Well if we lose one we go into loser brackets. We are not going to get into loser brackets O.K?
Maeve takes a deep breath staring at all the competitors around her twice her age.
MAEVE
O.k!
They fist bump and electric charge surrounds their fists.
MAEVE
Who are we fighting first?
Diarmuid moves his finger along the bracket.
DIARMUID
RitzyRiddhi and Zlatatat.
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New Scene (Subtle Change)
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY
Diarmuid and Maeve arrive into gaming competitive arena. The room is packed with game-players, cosplayers (as many Fomorians as Tuatha De Dannan’s), audience members, and the waifs, strays, and vagabond weirdos you’d expect from a niche subculture like this. Screens blast digital pummelling of two and three dimensions from all corners of the room, and bowel deep techno beats thump through the foundations.
DIARMUID
Well this is…different.
Maeve eyes light up – she’s found her tribe. A woman (STACEY) arrives with a clip board.
STACEY
Diarmuid! A real life celebrity is taking part in the competition!
Diarmuid smiles.
DIARMUID
Well I wouldn’t say that.
STACEY
Neither would I. I was joking.
Maeve outstretches her hand to shake it. Stacey’s hand is all contorted and backwards.
STACEY
Sorry Carpal tunnel, too many competitive matches.
Maeve looks at her own hands in horror.
STACEY
The bracket is over there, Deermud and Ravingmaeve! Best of luck.
Diarmuid and Maeve make their way over to the competitor board. Maeve stops him.
MAEVE
What happened that makes everyone hate you?
DIARMUID
That’s a little heavy handed Maeve? It’s also not true.
MAEVE
Sorry.
DIARMUID
I had to do whatever it takes. To be the best I can be.
MAEVE
What?
DIARMUID
I bought a lot of followers.
MAEVE
Oh.
Diarmuid takes a moment. He smiles awkwardly.
DIARMUID
To be the best you can be that’s what matters right?
They arrive at the competitor board. Diarmuid lines up a photograph framing Maeve in the photo. Somethings missing. Him of course. He adjusts the angle into a selfie snaps a photo and adds the tags, #emeraldfist #feelthefury #family #feelthelove.
DIARMUID
To be on top here we have to win every match.
MAEVE
Every match?
DIARMUID
Well if we lose one we go into loser brackets. We are not going to get into loser brackets O.K?
Maeve takes a deep breath staring at all the competitors around her twice her age.
MAEVE
O.k!
They fist bump and electric charge surrounds their fists.
MAEVE
Who are we fighting first?
Diarmuid moves his finger along the bracket.
DIARMUID
RitzyRiddhi and Zlatatat.
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Johnny Cullen’s Meaningful Action.
What I learned from this exercise is that bringing the subtext to the surface can really enhance a scene.
I won post the scrip here instead I will give an overview of the changes I made throughout the film. I particularly focused on adding meaningful action where the video game “Emerald Fist” was present by using the subtext of the game to reflect what was going on in the scene.
When Diarmuid first gets told he’s not good enough we hear “Soul Destroying” shout from the game in the background.
When Maeve gets her first-period mid-fight. The caption “First Blood” illuminates the screen.
When Diarmuid and Maeve lose the first fight – the caption comes on screen like a winner quotes – YOu can lose something you have but not something you are.
And finally in the last scene when Diarmuid admits to cheating to save Maeve, The caption “Full Syncronictiy” Ilumiantes the screen.
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Johnny Cullen’s Elevated Story Beat’s
Title Emerald Fist
Genre: Heartwarming Comedy
Logline: An insecure influencer competes with his estranged half-sister to win prize money in a video game tournament to save his crooked step-father from prison.
So the purpose with the updated beats was really about clarifying the character’s intentions – and by doing so it created a lot more tension and drama, particularly around the climax. I’m not going to do a before and after as a lot of the beats have been updated as a result – so here is the most up to date beat sheet so far.
STORY BEATS
1. (E9) ANIMATED SEQUENCE
We open on a dynamic intro to Video Game Emerald Fist. A fighting game about the old Celtic deities rising up to fight the evil St. Patrick. We pull out to reveal…
2. (E7) INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY
2002. Diarmuid playing Emerald Fist on a game console on his own. His mother walks in the doorway with Richard (your new dad!). He plays Emerald Fist with Diarmuid and obliterates. Him. “Your just not good enough pal”… Angle on Diarmuid’s face – match cut to…
3. (E7) INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY
Diarmuid 20 years later running on a treadmill listening to a podcast about being an alpha male. He slips slams on the treadmill someone has filmed it and tagged him on social. He’s kicked out – he reads his phone a text message from his agent to take part in the last minute branded social video. He accepts.
4. (E7) INT. APARTMENT. DAY
Diarmuid enters his apartment bragging to his roommates about his latest offer. They name check him on his bought followers. Diarmuid Enters his room trying on a series of T-shirts all one size too small for him. We pull out to reveal his room is a mess.
5. (E7) INT. STUDIO. DAY
Diarmuid enters the studio – successful influencer Kevin is there finishing up his lines. Diarmuid has an awkward encounter with him. The client of the branded content shoot calls out Diarmuid as the notorious cheat who bought all his followers and publicly humiliates him, Diarmuid nonetheless tries his best at the line delivery. Copying Kevin’s performance…
6. (E6) INT. LUAS. DAY
Diarmuid posts to Instagram on his successful “shoot” no reactions except his mum who reminds him it’s his estranged sister Maeve’s birthday today. Shit!
7. (E6) INT. GAMESTONKS. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at the GameStop store to buy Maeve a present. He notices an Emerald Fist game on the shelf. Reminds him of his childhood he purchases it.
8. (E9) INT. RICHARDS HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at Maves birthday party but it is covered in crime tape and is in chaos. Richard is escorted by gardai wearing a party hat for what seems like fraud. Maeve’s friends are hysterical while she sits stoically playing her switch. Diarmuid and Maeve watch as Richard is taken away.
9. (E7) INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT
Diarmuid consoles Maeve awkwardly. Richard is being interrogated and Diarmuid is called in. He is informed that Richard needs to gather €48,862 euro in the next two weeks or he will face a criminal conviction and prison time meaning that Diarmuid (as legal guardian) would be the sole custodian over Maeve. Richard won sole custody against Alice (cheating on him).
10. (E6) INT. PANIC ATTACK.
Diarmuid enters into an extreme Panic Attack – we see him vs. his stepfather in a 2D fighting scenario – Diarmuid tries to throw a punch but Richard rips his skin off breathing fire roasting Diramuid to a crisp. We snap back to Diarmuid in reality – struggling to open his mouth.
11. (E6) INT. DIARMUID’S HOUSE. DAY/NIGHT
Maeve moves into Diarmuid’s shared house. Diarmuid makes light of the events with a few jokes. Maeve takes the bed while Diarmuid takes the couch, she joins him.
12. (E6) INT. DIARMUID’S HOUSE. DAY/NIGHT
In the morning she wakes him for school – Diarmuid struggles to make her breakfast it’s disgusting.
13. (E5) EXT. MAEVE’S SCHOOL. DAY
Diarmuid brings Maeve to school, he asks her to stay with her friends in the afternoon, she reveals she doesn’t have friends.
14. (E5) INT. DIARMUID’S LIVING ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid brainstorms with the housemate ways he can get cash – each suggestion is as bad as the last suggestion.
15. (E6) INT. DIARMUID’S BEDROOM DAY.
Diarmuid tries to apply for a loan and is rejected. He looks on social media – contacts Kevin from the shoot – (a successful entrepreneur for his company BUDDHA BANK) – He messages him and they agree to meet.
16. (E7) INT. SWANKY AIRBNB. DAY
Kevin adorned in buddha beads meets Diarmuid. He’s as patronising and ‘spiritual’ in equal measure as ever. Diarmuid asks for a loan of 50K and Kevins spits in his face. Maybe update your USP. Gaming? “No, Not gaming” Kevin says – last time I kicked your ass in emerald fist says D!
17. (E5) EXT. SCHOOL. DAY.
Diarmuid picks Maeve up from school, they bond over their equally miserable days.
18. (E5) INT. DIARMUID’S ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid reluctantly calls his mother – Tries to hide the reason knowing if she knew Richard was in trouble she would take Maeve. Mother rejects the money – says hes just like Richard.
19. (E5) INT. ALICE ROOM. DAY
We see Alice’s family – she asks her children about hanging out with Maeve – They hate Maeve!
Father dismisses the idea.
20. INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM DAY.
Maeve playing Emerald Fists enlists them as a team in the gaming competition to win 50K! She lets Diarmuid know. He’s ecstatic!
21. (E7) INT. DIARMUID’S LIVING ROOM. DAY
Diarmuid begins to train with Maeve teaching her about the myth of the lore of the game as well as the combos and mechanics of the game. They bond over this newfound enthusiasm to save Richard.
22. (E7) INT. CELL. DAY
Diarmuid visits Richard and tells him the plan. Richard is terrified, he is certain he’s going to jail. Diarmuid assures him that’s not going to happen.
23. (E8) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We enter into the world of E-Sports, cosplayers and quirky types. Diarmuid is a fish out of water. But notices the large live-streamed matches – he’s enamoured.
24. (E8) FIRST COMBATANTS
We see an Xfactor style montage of Riddhi and Zlata – Diarmuid and Maeve’s first combatants. Two kindred spirits who disobeyed their parents.
25. (E9) DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. RIDDHI AND ZLATA
We enter into our first fight – dynamic action and hyper-stylised editing style. Diarmuid and Maeve lose and go into loser brackets.
26. (E8) ANIMATED GAME SEQUENCE
We see an animated sequence within the game. A hint about reconnecting with your younger self.
27. (E6) INSERT SCHMALTZY SEAN AND THERESA MONTAGE
We reveal a new Xfactor style montage of the next combatant Sean and Theresa it gets uncomfortably intimate.
28. (E7) DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. SEAN AND THERESA
The two begin the fight but something’s up with Maeve. She runs to the bathroom mid-flight. Diarmuid follows her…
29. (E8) INT. BATHROOM DAY.
Maeve hides in the stall explaining that she has got her first period. Diarmuid congratulates her. They have a moment of connection. Maeve asks if he loves their mother – it’s a cutting question.
They awkwardly hug. Maeve texts their mother the good news.
30. (E6) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We return to the end of the match with Maeve and Diarmuid beating Sean and Theresa followed by another gaming subtextual message. He gets his next competitor – and first live stream fight…its Kevin?
31. (E5) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
Diarmuid realises Kevin and another influencer are here competing. Kevin ignores him… Kevins here with Zenergise and to get fame as a famous Twitch streamer – get in with him and you get fame.
32. (E5) INT. TWITCH STREAM INTERVIEW.
Diarmuid wangles an interview with Twitch Streamer. He Confronts him about his past humiliation. Diarmuid plays up his redemption, better man now, here to compete – ignoring his half-sister (she’s begging him they need to train!) – He bigs up his next fight with Kevin – Kevin is furious.
33. (E5) INT. TWITCH STREAM INTERVIEW.
Kevin’s sponsorship team lambast Kevin for having to fight ‘cancelled’ Diarmuid. Tells him he has to win or lose his contract.
34. (E5) ALICE COMES BACK AND TAKES MAEVE –
Alice returns to take Maeve back without Diarmuid knowing…
35. (E4) DIARMUID DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR MAEVE
Diarmuid – secures the fight and searches for Maeve or risks qualification finds out “the description of his mother” took her…
36. (E7) INT. ALICE’S HOUSE. NIGHT
We see Maeve with Alice’s new family it’s awkward. You’ll be right at home here (father is overly strict kids make her feel unwelcome.
37. (E5) RICHARD TEXTS MAEVE
Richard – who has been following the competition calls Maeve asks her how its going? Not well.. Convinces her to tamper with her gaming pad otherwise, he is going to prison.
38. (E6) MAEVE RESEARCHES TEMPERING WITH GAMING PADS
Maeve researches gaming pads and HOW TO WIN. She needs to get out of this house!
39. (E8) EXT. ALICE HOUSE MORNING.
Diarmuid kidnaps Maeve to enter the fight the next day. (Live streamed will give him fame and revenge against Kevin)
40. (E7) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE DAY.
Diarmuid watches Kevin trash talk Diarmuid ahead of their match on the Twitch stream calling him a loser and copycat.
41. (E4) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE DAY.
Kevin’s sponsors let him know he has to win the live stream fight for the brand or risk losing all sponsorship money – (he owes them a lot).
42. (E4) INT. GARDA STATION. MORNING.
We see Richard, in a cell, ready to watch the live fight hiding from a cell mate.
43. (E4) INT. ALICE’S SHOUSE DAY.
Alice realises Maeve has run away she’s terrified. She runs out looking for her with Guards.
44. (E8) PRE-FIGHT
We enter into the Live streamed fight. Diarmuid and Maeve are ready to fight Kevin and another influencer. It’s neck and neck.
45. MONTAGE OF INTERESTS
Alice is trying to get Maeve back but is held back by security. Maeve says she doesn’t want to live with her. Alice is devastated.
Richard’s phone runs out of battery asks tough cellmate.
Diarmuid is looking at the viewer’s increase on the stream.
Kevin’s sponsor reminds him again why associate yourself with him.
Maeve clutches the gaming pad.
46. (E8) FIRST LIVE-STREAMED FIGHT
We enter into the Live streamed fight. Diarmuid and Maeve are ready to fight Kevin and another influencer. It’s neck and neck.
Twitch streamer notices something off.
47. (E9) CLIMAX
An official suspends the game and suspects foul play. Diarmuid looks and Maeve, she’s terrified. The crowd now getting rowdy. Diarmuid realises he must take the blame to save face. He does. He’s booed! The cheater. Diarmuid and Maeve show each other a loving moment. They leave.
48. (E7) INT. GARDA STATION. DAY
Richard is livid. But also restrained – finally accepting his fate. He Tells Cellmate he’s doing time.
49. (E7) INT. COURTROOM. DAY
Richard’s sentence is read out – he looks like he’s about to do time – until his court case is paid for by someone…Alice! Richard walks with a suspended sentence. Diarmuid reconciles with his Mother.
50. (E5) INT. DIARMUID’S NEW HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid and Maeve are streaming live on their new twitch channel. Richard is confused and tries to join in. It’s clear that Diarmuid is now looking after both of them. THE END.
-
Johnny Cullen’s Scene Ratings
What I learned from this was that I found ACT 1 beats were very strong ACT 2 Beats were much weaker and then the climax was strong but the final scenes needed work.
Title Emerald Fist
Genre: Heartwarming Comedy
Logline: An insecure influencer competes with his estranged half-sister to win prize money in a video game tournament to save his crooked step-father from prison.
STORY BEAT RATINGS
1 .(E9) ANIMATED SEQUENCE
We open on a dynamic intro to Video Game Emerald Fist. A fighting game about the old Celtic deities rising up to fight the evil St. Patrick. We pull out to reveal…
2. (E7) INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY
2002. Diarmuid playing Emerald Fist on a game console on his own. His mother walks in the doorway with Richard (your new dad!). He plays Emerald Fist with Diarmuid and obliterates. Him. “Your just not good enough pal”… Diarmuid’s face match cut to…
3. (E7) INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY
Diarmuid 20 years later running on a treadmill listening to a podcast about being an alpha male. He slips slams on the treadmill some has filmed it and tagged him on social. He’s kicked out – he reads his phone a text message from his agent to take part in the last minute branded social video. He accepts.
4. (E5) INT. APARTMENT. DAY
Diarmuid enters his apartment bragging to his roommates about his latest offer. They name check him on his bought followers. Diarmuid Enters his room trying on a series of T-shirts all one size too small for him. We pull out to reveal his room is a mess.
5. (E7) INT. STUDIO. DAY
Diarmuid enters the studio – successful influencer Kevin is there finishing up his lines. Diarmuid has an awkward encounter with him. The client of the branded content shoot calls out Diarmuid as the notorious cheat who bought all his followers and publicly humiliates him, Diarmuid nonetheless tries his best at the line delivery. Copying Kevin’s performance…
6. (E6) INT. LUAS. DAY
Diarmuid posts to Instagram on his successful “shoot” no reactions except his mum who reminds him it’s his estranged sister Maeve’s birthday today. Shit!
7. (E6) INT. GAMESTONKS. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at the GameStop store to buy Maeve a present. He notices an Emerald Fist game on the shelf. Reminds him of his childhood he purchases it.
8. (E9) INT. RICHARDS HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at Maves birthday party but it is covered in crime tape and is in chaos. Richard is escorted by gardai wearing a party hat for what seems like fraud. Maeve’s friends are hysterical while she sits stoically playing her switch. Diarmuid and Maeve watch as Richard is taken away.
9. (E5) INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT
Diarmuid consoles Maeve awkwardly. Richard is being interrogated and Diarmuid is called in. He is informed that Richard needs to gather €48,862 euro in the next two weeks or he will face a criminal conviction and prison time meaning that Diarmuid (as legal guardian) would be the sole custodian over Maeve. Richard won sole custody against Alice (cheating on him). Diarmuid has a panic attack and Richard ridicules him over it.
10. (E6) INT. DIARMUID’S HOUSE. DAY/NIGHT
Maeve moves into Diarmuid’s shared house. Diarmuid makes light of the events with a few jokes. Maeve takes the bed while Diarmuid takes the couch, she joins him. In the morning she wakes him for school – Diarmuid struggles to make her breakfast.
11. (E5) EXT. MAEVE’S SCHOOL. DAY
Diarmuid brings Maeve to school, he asks her to stay with her friends in the afternoon, she reveals she doesn’t have friends.
12. (E5) INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid brainstorms with his housemate’s ways he can get cash – each suggestion is as bad as the last suggestion.
13. (E6) INT. DIARMUID’S BEDROOM DAY.
Diarmuid tries to apply for a loan and is rejected. He looks on social media – contacts Kevin from the shoot – (a successful entrepreneur for his company BUDDHA BANK) – He messages him and they agree to meet.
14. (E7) INT. SWANKY AIRBNB. DAY
Kevin adorned in buddha beads meets Diarmuid. He’s as patronising and ‘spiritual’ in equal measure as ever. Diarmuid asks for a loan of 50 and Kevins spits in his face.
15. (E5) EXT. SCHOOL. DAY.
Diarmuid picks Maeve up from school, they bond over their equally miserable days.
16. (E3) INT. DIARMUID’S ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid reluctantly calls his mother (who lives in Thailand with a new family) – She says Richard had it coming he’s a crook. Nothing she can do for him.
17. INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM DAY.
Maeve playing Emerald Fists enlists them as a team in the gaming competition to win 50K. She lets Diarmuid know. He’s ecstatic!
18. (E7) INT. DIARMUID’S LIVING ROOM. DAY
Diarmuid begins to train with Maeve teaching her about the myth of the lore of the game as well as the combos and mechanics of the game. They bond over this newfound enthusiasm to save Richard.
19. (E7) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
Diarmuid visits Richard and tells him the plan. Richard is terrified, is certain hes going to jail. Diarmuid assures him thats not going to happen.
20. (E8) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We enter into the world of E-Sports, cosplayers and quirky types. Diarmuid is a fish out of water.
21. (E8) FIRST COMBATANTS
We see an Xfactor style montage of Riddhi and Zlata – Diarmuid and Maeve’s first combatants. Two kindred spirits who disobeyed their parents.
22. (E9) DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. RIDDHI AND ZLATA
We enter into our first fight – dynamic action and hyper-stylised editing style. Diarmuid and Maeve lose and go into loser brackets.
23. (E8) ANIMATED GAME SEQUENCE
We see an animated sequence within the game. A hint about reconnecting with your younger self.
24. (E6) INSERT SCHMALTZY SEAN AND THERESA MONTAGE
We reveal a new Xfactor style montage of the next combatant’s Sean and Theresa it gets uncomfortably intimate.
25. (E7) DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. SEAN AND THERESA
The two begin the fight but something’s up with Maeve. She runs to the bathroom mid-fight. Diarmuid follows her…
26. (E8) INT. BATHROOM DAY.
Maeve hides in the stall explaining that she has got her first period. Diarmuid congratulates her. They have a moment of connection. Maeve asks if he loves their mother – it’s a cutting question.
They awkwardly hug. Maeve texts their mother the good news.
27. (E3) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We return to the end of the match with Maeve and Diarmuid beating Sean and Theresa followed by another gaming subtextual message. Diarmuid realises Kevin and other influencers are here competing. They let him know about a famous Twitch streamer – get in with him and you get fame.
28. (E5) INT. TWITCH STREAM INTERVIEW.
Diarmuid wangles an interview with Twitch Streamers. They Confront him about his past humiliation. Diarmuid plays up his redemption, better man now here to compete – ignoring his half-sister.
29. (E5) ALICE COMES BACK AND TAKES MAEVE –
Alice returns to take Maeve back without Diarmuid knowing
30. (E4) DIARMUID DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR MAEVE
Diarmuid searches for Maeve or risks qualification. The next bout is delayed to the following day. Diarmuid runs to his mother’s house
31. (E7) INT. ALICE’S HOUSE. NIGHT
We see Maeve with Alice’s new family it’s awkward. You’ll be right at home here (put here in a creche) father is overly strict.
32. (E5) RICHARD TEXTS MAEVE
Richard calls Maeve and convinces her to tamper with her gaming pad otherwise he is going to prison.
33. (E6) MAEVE RESEARCHES TEMPERING WITH GAMING PADS
Maeve researches gaming pads and HOW TO WIN. She needs to get out of this house!
34. (E7) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE DAY.
Diarmuid watches Kevin trash talk Diarmuid ahead of their match on the Twitch stream calling him a loser and copycat.
35. (E4) INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE DAY.
Kevin’s sponsors let him know he has to win the live stream fight for the brand or risk losing all sponsorship money.
36. (E8) EXT. ALICE HOUSE MORNING.
Diarmuid kidnaps Maeve to enter the fight the next day. (Live streamed will give him fame and revenge against Kevin)
37. (E4) INT. GARDA STATION. MORNING.
We see Richard, in a cell, ready to watch the live fight.
38. (E8) FIRST LIVE STREAMED FIGHT
We enter into the Live streamed fight. Diarmuid and Maeve are ready to fight Kevin and another influencer. It’s neck and neck. Twitch streamers notice something off. Alice is their to take back Maeve.
39. (E9) CLIMAX
An official suspends the game and suspects foul play. Diarmuid looks and Maeve, she’s terrified. The crowd now getting rowdy. Diarmuid realises he must take the blame to save face. He does. He’s booed! The cheater. Diarmuid and Maeve show each other a loving moment. They leave.
40. (E7) INT. GARDA STATION. DAY
Richard is livid. But also restrained – finally accepting his fate.
41. (E7) INT. COURTROOM. DAY
Richard sentence is read out – he looks like he’s about to do time – until his court case is paid for by someone…Alice! Richard walks with a suspended sentence. Diarmuid reconciles with his Mother.
42. (E5) INT. DIARMUIDS NEW HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid and Maeve are streaming live on their new twitch channel. Richard is confused and tries to join in. It’s clear that Diarmuid is now looking after both of them. THE END.
-
JOHNNYS CHARACTER INTROS
What I learned from doing this was that introducing a character in such a precise way can really affect the oncoming dialogue and how you interpret it.
DIARMUID/ALICE AND RICHARD INTROS
INT. LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
We pull back from the screen to reveal a scrawny Diarmuid (12) gaming controller grasped in his hands, cross-legged, eyes glued to the screen. He’s completely enthralled.
Suddenly the door behind Diarmuid is opened, in walks Diarmuid’s mother ALICE (42) drunk with a chaotic sense of affection. A live, laugh, lunatic desperate for love.
ALICE
Oh Diarmuid, you’re still up! I want you to meet someone!
Diarmuid reluctantly turns his head. In walks Richard, (45) goatee, Gant shirt and chinos. If the sockless loafers weren’t screaming conman the bucket of Old spice certainly was. A porcelain white daggered smile pasted on his face.
ALICE
This is Richard! You can start calling him dad from now on! Isn’t that exciting.
Richard’s awkward smile is quickly snuffed out.
RICHARD
Don’t say that Alice, Jesus Christ.
ALICE
I’ll leave you two to get to know each other for a moment.
Alice darts out of the room, bottle of wine in hand. Richard stands looking at Diarmuid. Diarmuid stares back in total silence.
RICHARD
So what are you playing there?
DIARMUID
Emerald Fist.
RICHARD
Cool.
An awkward silence.
DIARMUID
Want to play?
We jump forward. Diarmuid and Richard are mid game – they are both struggling. Alice sits on the sofa in the background.
RICHARD
Come on! What the fuck. It’s the first round. How are we losing?
ALICE
Isn’t this nice?
DIARMUID
I think we have to work together on our tim…
RICHARD
Diarmuid your just not good enough okay?
Diarmuid dejected. Nods his head. Richard laughs. We close in on Diarmuid’s breaking the fourth wall. Eyes welling up.
MATCH CUT TO:
INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY.
Diarmuid (34) works out grimly on a treadmill in a gym, facing himself in a mirror. But no matter how fast he runs, he’s always in the one spot, never able to reach himself. We hear the inside of Diarmuid’s headphones, a deep-voiced testosterone-fuelled podcast about motivation.
PODCAST
To be the best you have to sweat, grind…You have do whatever it takes to win…
Diarmuid trips, he falls onto the treadmill like a cartoon anvil, he speeds off the end and crashes into a girl working out.
INSERT PHONE SCREEN
The scene is now a gossip page’s instagram post with the caption DISGRACED SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUCENER DIARMUID RYAN WHO BOUGHT ALL HIS FOLLOWERS FALLS HARD AT THE GYM.
EXT. STREET. DAY
We pull out of the phone to reveal Diarmuid outside the gym. He takes a breath and whispers to himself what feels like an earlier quote from the podcast.
DIARMUID
Any publicity is good publicity…
We return to the phone as a notification illuminates the screen. It’s a message from TOM AGENT.
TOM AGENT
Hey, Diarmuid, we had a dropout for Zenergise *Sad Emoji* Any chance you could come by the studio today?
Diarmuid’s luck has changed. He types furiously into his phone. Rapidly rotating between a series of emojis.
DIARMUID
Yes! *Cowboy emoji*
<hr>
KEVIN INTRO
INT. STUDIO. DAY
Diarmuid rocks into the studio for the shoot; we see the director, the client, the camera team, and another muscly influencer KEVIN. That’s right, KEVIN Creator of BuddhaBank the Zen Way To Pay. The perfect influencer he’s got it all, the looks, the confidence, the REAL followers. Diarmuid’s old classmate, idol and inspiration (and secret rival). Diarmuid shakes off the intimidation.
DIARMUID
Hey man great to see you here! We should totally duet each other on BingBong?
Diarmuid offers out his phone. Kevin look’s Diarmuid up and down.
KEVIN
Who are you?
<hr>
MAEVE INTRO (AND MODERN DAY RICHARD)
Diarmuid arrives at Richard’s house, but it looks like he’s the last to the party – GARDA CARS are parked outside the building, blue lights flashing. The Garda helicopter flies low overhead.
DIARMUID
What the…
Diarmuid runs into the house.
DIARMUID
What’s going on this is my stepdad’s gaf?
Diarmuid discovers Richard (58 now) watching helplessly as Criminal Assets Bureau Officers search the premises, carrying boxes of paperwork and computers out of his home. The seriousness of proceedings is diluted somewhat by the fact that the house is decorated for a twelve-year-old’s birthday party, and that Richard still has a paper party hat on his head.
RICHARD
(nonchalantly)
Diarmuid!
We see parents collecting their children from the party horrified. Richard waves to them as they leave.
RICHARD
See ya Charlotte!
DIARMUID
Richard what the fuck?
RICHARD
It’s just a little minor… major fraud. Accusation, I mean. Unfounded, of course. They’re making a big FUCKING DEAL OVER NOTHING.
He shouts over to the CAB officers as they walk by them.
DIARMUID
Where’s Maeve?
MAEVE (12) sits over on the couch, wearing headphones and engrossed in playing a portable game console while legal bedlam takes place around her. She’s not the type to ignore her surroundings, however – taking in every detail with an observational precision. Stubborn, lonely, and wise beyond her years.
DIARMUID
Happy Birthday!
One of the CAB officers, walks by and yanks the games console out of her hand. It might be evidence.
RICHARD
It’s been a great party all things considered. Right Maeve?
Maeve shakes her head.
RICHARD
I thought Maeve could make a few friends you know like the Moriarty’s they own a massive chain of hotels, it’s good to network early.
MAEVE
Megan Moriarty is a slut.
-
JOHNNY CULLEN’S CHARACTER STORY BEATS
What I learned about doing this project was that by going through each character’s betas you can really see where the gaps are in their contributions to the story. And by bringing them in where appropriate it really contributes to the tension and overall drama.
Logline: An insecure influencer competes with his estranged half-sister to win prize money in a video game tournament to save his crooked step-father from prison.
I changed as I went so all character profiles and beat sheets have been updated.
<hr>
Character Name: Diarmuid Ryan
Role: Protagonist/ Failed Influencer
Core Character Traits
– Deep Sense of Inadequacy
– Determined
– Attention seeking
– Insecure
Character Subtext Logline: Diarmuid is a failed influencer desperate for success.
His mission: desperately trying to win a video game competition to avoid custody of his half-sister.
Want: To be a successful influencer Need: Self-love/Unconditional Love – Sense of worth.
<hr>
Beginning – Diarmuid is a failed influencer desperately looking to grow his popularity.
Middle – Diamruid enlists with Maeve in a video game competition to avoid responsibility for her by saving their stepfather from prison. While also looking to garner popularity through twitch streamers.
End – Diarmuid learns to let go of external approval and sacrifices his ego for the sake of his sister.
<hr>
DIARMUID’S BEATS
Diarmuid as a 12-year-old meets Richard for the first time. He tells him he’s not good enough.
Diarmuid working out in the gym slams on the treadmill and embarrasses himself. We learn he’s a disgraced influencer.
Diarmuid gets an offer for a sports drink ad.
Diarmuid shows up and is humiliated/meets Kevin – a successful influencer who he tries to emulate.
He realizes it’s his half-sister’s birthday – purchases game from his Youth Emerald Fist.
Arrives at their birthday and realizes that Richard is being arrested.
In the garda station, Diarmuid is told he is Maeve’s legal guardian and must help Richard find the money or he will take custody of Maeve. /END OF ACT 1/
Diarmuid searches for ways to get money (loan/asking friends including Kevin/ and his mother)
Maeve enters them into the Emerald Fist competition – Diarmuids ecstatic.
Diarmuid and Maeve train together and learn combos
Diarmuid entered the competition and won the first round.
In the second round Maeve gets her period … Diarmuid struggles to play a parental role but tries his best.
Diarmuid notices Kevin is here endorsing the sports drink. Realizes that getting on Twitch stream will boost his career.
Diarmuid abandons Maeve in favor of the Twitch Stream. Alice returns to take Maeve.
Diarmuid notices Maeve is missing. Desperately looks for her.
Goes to Alice’s house and kidnaps her back.
Diarmuid and Alice are on a live stream – Twitch streamers notice something wrong
Diarmuid Learns Maeve is cheating and he takes the fall.
Richard has his day in court Diarmuid – rejected. Alice pays for it.
Diarmuid and Maeve start their own Twitch stream while looking after Richard.
<hr>
Character Name: Maeve Dunleavy
Role: Diarmuid’s Half-Sister
Core Character Traits
– Introverted
– Socially Awkward
– Affectionate
– Stubborn
– Clever and Tactical
Character Subtext Logline: Maeve wants to make sure Richard doesn’t go to jail.
His mission: Doesn’t want her father to go to jail otherwise she may live with her mother and her awful step siblings.
Want: To win the Emerald Fist competition Need: Parental and Sibling Love.
<hr>
Beginning – Maeve is at her birthday party as her father Richard gets arrested.
Middle – Maeve enlists with Diarmuid in a video game competition to save her father from prison. She must win at all costs – so she cheats.
End – Learns to love her siblings and family – starts a twitch stream with Diarmuid.
<hr>
MAEVE’S BEATS
Maeve is at her birthday party while her father gets arrested.
Maeve goes to the garda station and learns what is going on (her father is going to prison)
Maeve researches on her gamepad Emerald Fist competition and enters her and Diarmuid
Maeve trains with Diarmuid and she enjoys the bonding.
Maeve gets her period…she craves her mother…she texts her for support.
Maeve notices Diarmuid abandoning her. Alice comes to take her.
Maeve meets her new potentially family…she hates them.
Maeve gets a call from her father she learns to cheat. She researches how to cheat in Emerald Fist.
Maeve and Diarmuid end up winning but Maeve is caught out she’s terrified.
Maeve embraces Diarmuid and they have a strong connection
Maeve and Diarmuid start their own twitch stream.
<hr>
Character Name: Richard
Role: Diarmuid’s Step-Father/Maeve’s Father
Core Character Traits
– Sly
– Self Centered
– Desperate
– Delusional
Character Subtext Logline: Richard wants to prove that he is a rich wealthy man by any means necessary.
His mission: To avoid going to jail for fraud by getting Diarmuid to pay it for him.
Want: To keep custody of Maeve and avoid prison. Need: Admit his faults. Unconditional Love/Sense of worth.
<hr>
Beginning – Arrested at his daughter’s birthday for Fraud.
Middle – Richard learns the plan from Diarmuid. Terrified, he calls Maeve and informs her about the gamepad cheating technique.
End – Learns to accept his responsibility and his faults.
<hr>
RICHARD’S BEATS
Richard arrives at Diarmuid’s house with Alice when he’s a kid. Tells him he’s not good enough.
20 years later – Richard at his daughter’s birthday party gets arrested for Fraud.
Confronts Diarmuid and says he needs his help while also belittling him.
Diarmuid meets him to go through the plan. He cant believe it.
Richard calls Maeve and convinces her to cheat.
Watches the stream from his cell.
Goes to court to face his wrath – is saved by his ex-wife
Lives with Diarmuid and Maeve
<hr>
Character Name: Alice
Role: Diarmuid’s and Maeve’s Mother
Core Character Traits
– Outspoken
– Holistic
– Argumentative
– Craving affection
Character Subtext Logline: Alice wants to have a settled and happy love with someone who loves her.
Her mission: To get Maeve back into her custody
Want: Richard to go to jail and gain custody of Maeve. Need: Unconditional Love.
<hr>
Beginning – Introduces Richard to Diarmuid. Reminds Diarmuid of his sister’s birthday.
Middle – Takes her daughter out of the competition. Tries to retain custody of her with her new family.
End – Pays for the fine at the end.
<hr>
ALICE’s BEATS
Alice introduces her new boyfriend Richard to Diarmuid.
Alice texts Diarmuid to remind him of her daughters birthday
Alice receives a text from Maeve about her Period
Alice goes to Maeve, picks her up, and takes her home with her to her new family.
Alice returns to the live stream to see Maeve and Diarmuid (livid)
Alice pays the fine for Richard. Comforts Diarmuid and apologizes.
<hr>
Character Name: Kevin
Role: Successful Influencer (Diarmuid’s role model/old friend)
Core Character Traits
– False confidence
– Patronizing
– Values public opinion of him
– Vulnerable
Character Subtext Logline: Kevin wants to maintain his level of being a successful influencer.
His mission: To alienate himself from Diarmuid.
Want: To win Emerald Fist to boost his career. Need: Unconditional Love.
<hr>
Beginning – We see him as a successful spokesperson at the branded content shoot.
Middle – Taking part in the Emerald Fist competition as a sponsor for Zenergise.
End – Confronts Diarmuid and says he is ruining his reputation. Shows himself up.
<hr>
KEVIN’S BEATS
A successful spokesperson for Zenergise.
Diarmuid comes asking Kevin for money he refuses.
Attends the Emerald Fist competition for sponsorship and fame.
Scheduled to fight Diarmuid, ridicules him on the Twitch Stream behind his back.
Diarmuid cheats in their fight, confronts him.
Ridiculed by Diarmuid
-
JOHNNY CULLEN’S CHARACTER PROFILES
What I learned about doing this project was that by isolating your characters you can really get baseball cards like character traits on each which makes you see how they can compare and contrast with each other.
Logline: An insecure influencer competes with his estranged half-sister to win prize money in a video game tournament to save his crooked step-father from prison.
Character Name: Diarmuid Ryan
Role: Protganist/ Failed Influencer
Core Character Traits
– Loser
– Try hard
– Attention seeking
– Insecure
Character Subtext Logline: Diarmuid is a failed influencer desperate for success.
His mission: desperately trying to win a video game competition to avoid custody of his half-sister.
Want: To be a successful influencer Need: Self-love/Unconditional Love – Sense of worth.
ELEVATION – Changed Try hard to determine as this is our redeeming feature with Diarmuid makes him more likeable.
<hr>
Character Name: Maeve Dunleavy
Role: Diarmuid’s Half-Sister
Core Character Traits
– Introverted
– Quirky
– Aggressive
– Stubborn
Character Subtext Logline: Maeve wants to make sure Richard doesn’t go to jail.
His mission: Doesn’t want her father to go to jail otherwise she may live with her mother and her awful step siblings.
Want: To win the Emerald Fist competition Need: Parental and Sibling Love.
ELEVATION – Change aggressive to affectionate – this as there are moments when Maeve really wants to show love.
<hr>
Character Name: Richard
Role: Diarmuid’s StepFather/Maeve’s Father
Core Character Traits
– Sly
– Self Centred
– Conman
– Delusional
Character Subtext Logline: Richard wants to prove that he is a rich wealthy man by any means necessary.
His mission: To avoid going to jail for fraud by getting Diarmuid to pay it for him.
Want: To avoid prison Need: Unconditional Love/Sense of worth.
ELEVATION – Currently one-dimensional change conman to desperate. We need to feel for him.
<hr>
Character Name: Alice
Role: Diarmuid’s and Maeve’s Mother
Core Character Traits
– Outspoken
– Holistic
– Argumentative
– Narcissistic
Character Subtext Logline: Alice wants to have a settled and happy love with someone who loves her.
His mission: To get Maeve back into her custody
Want: Richard to go to jail and gain custody of Maeve. Need: Unconditional Love.
ELEVATION – Change Narcissistic to Craving love. She desperately needs a man to support her and make her feel whole.
<hr>
Character Name: Kevin
Role: Successful Influencer (Diarmuids role model)
Core Character Traits
– Confident
– False
– Impressionable
– Social
Character Subtext Logline: Kevin wants to maintain his level of being a successful influencer.
His mission: To alienate himself from Diarmuid.
Want: To win Emerald Fist to boost his career. Need: Unconditional Love.
ELEVATION – Change Social to vulnerable – his demeanour is a thin shell that he is desperate to protect.
-
JOHNNY CULLEN UPDATED BEAT SHEETS
What I learned about doing this project is that by separating out each scene into its purest form you can really get a birds-eye view of your script and really isolate what’s working and what isn’t. It really is a powerful tool!
Main Conflict: Diarmuid must enter a video game competition to earn funds to save his father from prison and avoid taking custody of his estranged half sister Maeve.
EMERALD FIST DRAFT 1 BEATS
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY
2002. We see Diarmuid scared 12 year old about to take part in an EF competition with friend Kevin against rival Marcus. His stepfather Richard is there in (toxic) support. He’s called on stage in front of a crowd and teenagers and gets caught cheating and is publicly shamed. Match cut to…
INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY
Diarmuid 20 years later running on a treadmill listening to a podcast about being an alpha male. He slips slams on the treadmill and accidentally touches a woman nearby. He’s kicked out – he reads his phone a text message from his agent to take part in the last minute branded social video. He accepts.
INT. APARTMENT. DAY
Diarmuid enters his apartment bragging to his roommates about his latest offer. They name check him on his bought followers. Diarmuid Enters his room trying on a series of T-shirts all one size too small for him. We pull out to reveal his room is a mess.
INT. STUDIO. DAY
Diarmuid enters the studio – successful influencer Rob is there finishing up his lines. Diarmuid has an awkward encounter with him. The client of the branded content shoot doesn’t know who Diarmuid is and publicly humiliates him, Diarmuid nonetheless tries his best at the line delivery. Copying Robs performance…
INT. LUAS. DAY
Diarmuid posts to Instagram on his successful “shoot” no reactions except his mum who reminds him it’s his have sister Maeve’s birthday today. Shit!
INT. GAMESTONKS. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at the GameStop store to buy Maeve a present. He notices an Emerald Fist game on the shelf. A charismatic staff member lets him know about an upcoming EF competition. Diarmuid purchases another game – Jaywalking Giraffes.
INT. RICHARDS HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at Maves birthday party but it is covered in crime tape and is in chaos. Richard is escorted by gardai wearing a party hat for what seems like fraud. Maeve’s friends are hysterical while she sits stoically playing her switch. Diarmuid and Maeve watch as Richard is taken away.
INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT
Diarmuid consoles Maeve awkwardly. Richard is being interrogated and Diarmuid is called in. He is informed that Richard needs to gather €48,862 euro in the next two weeks or he will face a criminal conviction and prison time meaning that Diarmuid (as legal guardian) would be the sole custodian over Maeve. Diarmuid has a panic attack and Richard ridicules him over it.
INT. DIARMUID’S HOUSE. DAY/NIGHT
Maeve moves into Diarmuid’s shared house. Diarmuid makes light of the events with a few jokes. Maeve takes the bed while Diarmuid takes the couch, she joins him. In the morning she wakes him for school – Diarmuid struggles to make her breakfast.
EXT. MAEVE’S SCHOOL. DAY
Diarmuid brings Maeve to school, he asks her to stay with her friends in the afternoon, she reveals she doesn’t have friends.
INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid brainstorms with his housemate’s ways he can get cash – each suggestion is as bad as the last suggestion.
INT. DIARMUID’S BEDROOM DAY.
Diarmuid tries to apply for a loan and is rejected. He looks on social media – and stumbles across old friend Kevin – now a successful entrepreneur for his company BUDDHA BANK – He messages him and they agree to meet.
INT. SWANKY AIRBNB. DAY
Kevin adorned in buddha beads meets Diarmuid. He’s as patronising and ‘spiritual’ in equal measure as ever. Diarmuid chats briefly about EF days and mentions they are still running tournaments. Diarmuid asks for a loan of 50 and Kevins spits in his face.
EXT. SCHOOL. DAY.
Diarmuid picks Maeve up from school, they bond over their equally miserable days.
INT. DIARMUID’S ROOM DAY. [c]
Diarmuid scrolls throw different gaming competitions. He finds one for Emerald Fist – Prize fund of 50K! He notices the deadline is today in 1 hour. He quickly gets Maeve’s Gamertag name and they apply together. Boom!
INT. RICHARDS HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid breaks in and climbs to the attic to find his long lost passion. Emerald Fist gaming cartridge.
INT. DIARMUID’S LIVING ROOM. DAY
Diarmuid begins to train with Maeve teaching her about the myth of the lore of the game (via animated sequence) as well as the combos and mechanics of the game. They bond over this newfound enthusiasm to save Richard.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We enter into the world of E-Sports, cosplayers and quirky types. We meet a player from Diarmuid’s younger days who inform them where to find their first fight of the tournament. Maeve quizzes on why Diarmuid cheated when he was younger – he says “he had to”.
INSERT SCHAMLTZY RIDDHI AND ZLATA MONTAGE
We see an Xfactor style montage of Riddhi and Zlata – Diarmuid and Maeve’s first combatants. We get a rendition of them working in a hairdresser etc.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. RIDDHI AND ZLATA
We enter into our first fight – dynamic action and hyper-stylised editing style. Diarmuid and Maeve win but with Maeve committing a risky move.
VIKRAM CONGRATULATES THEM
After the bout Vikram (announcer from Diarmuid’s early years) congratulates them and lets them know that exclusive game creator Brendan Nakamura is here.
INSERT SCHMALTZY SEAN AND THERESA MONTAGE
We reveal a new Xfactor style montage of the next combatant’s Sean and Theresa its get uncomfortably intimate.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. SEAN AND THERESA
The two begin the fight but something’s up with Maeve. She runs to the bathroom mid-fight. Diarmuid follows her…
INT. BATHROOM DAY.
Maeve hides in the stall explaining that she has got her first period. Diarmuid congratulates her. They have a moment of connection. Maeve asks if he loves their mother – it’s a cutting question.
They awkwardly hug.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We return to the end of the match with Maeve and Diarmuid beating Sean and Theresa. Vikram congratulates them and lets Diarmuid know how happy he is to see him, Kevin and Marcus back again. Who? Diarmuid asks in rage.
CONFRONTATION
Diarmuid confronts Kevin who is teaming up with Marcus. It gets ugly. Diarmuid is reminded of his past humiliation. His inner thoughts are interrupted by two Twitch Streamers.
INT. TWITCH STREAM INTERVIEW.
Twitch streamers interview Diarmuid. And Confront him on his past humiliation. Diarmuid says they are going to beat Marcus and Kevin. Meanwhile…
MAEVE PLAYS WITH ZLATA
Maeve plays with her first competitor Zlata again in a friendly battle.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS KEVIN AND MARCUS
We smash cut from the Twitch stream interview to the bout and discover that Maeve and Diarmuid lost. Diarmuid is furious – Twitch Streamers make him nearly cry.
DIARMUID IS ALONE
Diarmuid gets a text from his agent – his campaign is pulled he’s in dire straits. He confronts Maeve and they have an argument. They enter loser brackets…
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS DONAGH AND MARK
Diarmuid and Maeve face Donagh and Mark but Maeve begins to disobey Diarmuids new authoritative tone. Garnering attention from the nearby crowd.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS BILLIE EYELISH KNOCK OFFS
Diarmuid and Maeve again progress with Maeve deliberately going solo.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS ZLATA AND RIDDHI
A grudge match to get back into the final. Maeve gets reckless and nearly costs them the fight but they win. Diarmuid argues with Maeve – Twitch streamers comment on their argument.
INT. LUAS. NIGHT
Diarmuid and Maeve make their way home. Sitting apart in silence.
INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM NIGHT.
Diarmuid receives a voicemail from Richard telling him that he’s desperate. Also, another voicemail from his agent saying he got an influencer gig.
INT. DIARMUIDS BEDROOM. NIGHT.
Maeve searches the internet about her father. She investigates Diarmuids room and comes across his tampered controller from his childhood.
INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT.
We see Richard, in a cell, ready to watch the live finale.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE DAY.
Diarmuid and Maeve battle Bludklot – they win. Zlata notices something off with Maeve’s character.
FINAL FIGHT
We enter into the final FIght – Brendan Nakamura is there to present the game. Diarmuid and MAeve ready to fight MArcus and Kevin. Its neck and neck. Zlata notices something off and tells VIkra,
CLIMAX
Vikram suspends the game and suspects foul play. Diarmuid looks and Maeve, she’s terrified. The crowd now getting rowdy. Diarmuid realises he must take the blame to save face. He does. He’s booed. Diarmuid and Maeve show each other a loving moment. They leave.
INT. GARDA STATION. DAY
Richard is livid. But also restrained – finally accepting his fate.
INT. COURTROOM. DAY
Richard sentence is read out – he looks like he’s about to do time – until his court case is paid for by someone…Marcus! Richard walks with a suspended sentence. Diarmuid thanks, Marcus.
INT. DIARMUIDS NEW HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid and Maeve are streaming live on their new twitch channel. Richard is confused and tries to join in. It’s clear that Diarmuid is now looking after both of them. THE END.
I decided to rehaul the script changing more Beats I was able to then alter corresponding beats and really get to the root of the vision of the story.
EMERALD FIST DRAFT 2 BEATS
ANIMATED SEQUENCE
We open on a dynamic intro to Video Game Emerald Fist. A fighting game about the old Celtic deities rising up to fight the evil St. Patrick. We pull out to reveal…
INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY
2002. Diarmuid playing Emerald Fist on a game console on his own. His mother walks in the doorway with Richard (your new dad!). He plays Emerald Fist with Diarmuid and obliterates. Him. “Your just not good enough pal”… Diarmuid’s face match cut to…
INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY
Diarmuid 20 years later running on a treadmill listening to a podcast about being an alpha male. He slips slams on the treadmill some has filmed it and tagged him on social. He’s kicked out – he reads his phone a text message from his agent to take part in the last minute branded social video. He accepts.
INT. APARTMENT. DAY
Diarmuid enters his apartment bragging to his roommates about his latest offer. They name check him on his bought followers. Diarmuid Enters his room trying on a series of T-shirts all one size too small for him. We pull out to reveal his room is a mess.
INT. STUDIO. DAY
Diarmuid enters the studio – successful influencer Kevin is there finishing up his lines. Diarmuid has an awkward encounter with him. The client of the branded content shoot calls out Diarmuid as the notorious cheat who bought all his followers and publicly humiliates him, Diarmuid nonetheless tries his best at the line delivery. Copying Kevin’s performance…
INT. LUAS. DAY
Diarmuid posts to Instagram on his successful “shoot” no reactions except his mum who reminds him it’s his estranged sister Maeve’s birthday today. Shit!
INT. GAMESTONKS. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at the GameStop store to buy Maeve a present. He notices an Emerald Fist game on the shelf. Reminds him of his childhood he purchases it.
INT. RICHARDS HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at Maves birthday party but it is covered in crime tape and is in chaos. Richard is escorted by gardai wearing a party hat for what seems like fraud. Maeve’s friends are hysterical while she sits stoically playing her switch. Diarmuid and Maeve watch as Richard is taken away.
INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT
Diarmuid consoles Maeve awkwardly. Richard is being interrogated and Diarmuid is called in. He is informed that Richard needs to gather €48,862 euro in the next two weeks or he will face a criminal conviction and prison time meaning that Diarmuid (as legal guardian) would be the sole custodian over Maeve. Richard won sole custody against Alice (cheating on him). Diarmuid has a panic attack and Richard ridicules him over it.
INT. DIARMUID’S HOUSE. DAY/NIGHT
Maeve moves into Diarmuid’s shared house. Diarmuid makes light of the events with a few jokes. Maeve takes the bed while Diarmuid takes the couch, she joins him. In the morning she wakes him for school – Diarmuid struggles to make her breakfast.
EXT. MAEVE’S SCHOOL. DAY
Diarmuid brings Maeve to school, he asks her to stay with her friends in the afternoon, she reveals she doesn’t have friends.
INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid brainstorms with his housemate’s ways he can get cash – each suggestion is as bad as the last suggestion.
INT. DIARMUID’S BEDROOM DAY.
Diarmuid tries to apply for a loan and is rejected. He looks on social media – contacts Kevin from the shoot – (a successful entrepreneur for his company BUDDHA BANK) – He messages him and they agree to meet.
INT. SWANKY AIRBNB. DAY
Kevin adorned in buddha beads meets Diarmuid. He’s as patronising and ‘spiritual’ in equal measure as ever. Diarmuid asks for a loan of 50 and Kevins spits in his face.
EXT. SCHOOL. DAY.
Diarmuid picks Maeve up from school, they bond over their equally miserable days.
INT. DIARMUID’S ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid reluctantly calls his mother (who lives in Thailand with a new family) – She says Richard had it coming he’s a crook. Nothing she can do for him.
INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM DAY.
Maeve playing Emerald Fists enlists them as a team in the gaming competition to win 50K. She lets Diarmuid know. He’s ecstatic!
INT. DIARMUID’S LIVING ROOM. DAY
Diarmuid begins to train with Maeve teaching her about the myth of the lore of the game as well as the combos and mechanics of the game. They bond over this newfound enthusiasm to save Richard.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We enter into the world of E-Sports, cosplayers and quirky types. Diarmuid is a fish out of water.
FIRST COMBATANTS
We see an Xfactor style montage of Riddhi and Zlata – Diarmuid and Maeve’s first combatants. Two kindred spirits who disobeyed their parents.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. RIDDHI AND ZLATA
We enter into our first fight – dynamic action and hyper-stylised editing style. Diarmuid and Maeve win but with Maeve committing a risky move.
ANIMATED GAME SEQUENCE
We see an animated winning sequence within the game. A hint about reconnecting with your younger self.
INSERT SCHMALTZY SEAN AND THERESA MONTAGE
We reveal a new Xfactor style montage of the next combatant’s Sean and Theresa it gets uncomfortably intimate.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. SEAN AND THERESA
The two begin the fight but something’s up with Maeve. She runs to the bathroom mid-fight. Diarmuid follows her…
INT. BATHROOM DAY.
Maeve hides in the stall explaining that she has got her first period. Diarmuid congratulates her. They have a moment of connection. Maeve asks if he loves their mother – it’s a cutting question.
They awkwardly hug. Maeve texts their mother the good news.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We return to the end of the match with Maeve and Diarmuid beating Sean and Theresa followed by another gaming subtextual message. Diarmuid realises Kevin and other influencers are here competing. They let him know about a famous Twitch streamer – get in with him and you get fame.
INT. TWITCH STREAM INTERVIEW.
Diarmuid wangles an interview with Twitch Streamers. They Confront him about his past humiliation. Diarmuid plays up his redemption, better man now here to compete – ignoring his half-sister.
ALICE COMES BACK AND TAKES MAEVE –
Alice returns to take Maeve back without Diarmuid knowing
DIARMUID DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR MAEVE
Diarmuid searches for Maeve or risks qualification. The next bout is delayed to the following day. Diarmuid runs to his mother’s house
INT. ALICE’S HOUSE. NIGHT
We see Maeve with Alice’s new family it’s awkward. You’ll be right at home here (put here in a creche) father is overly strict.
MAEVE RESEARCHES TEMPERING WITH GAMING PADS
Maeve researches gaming pads and HOW TO WIN. She needs to get out of this house!
EXT. ALICE HOUSE NIGHT.
Diarmuid kidnaps Maeve to enter the fight the next day. (Live streamed will give him fame)
INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT.
We see Richard, in a cell, ready to watch the live fight.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE DAY.
Diarmuid and Maeve battle Bludklot – they win. Zlata notices something off with Maeve’s character.
FIRST LIVE STREAMED FIGHT
We enter into the Live streamed fight. Diarmuid and Maeve are ready to fight Kevin and another influencer. Its neck and neck. Twitch streamers notice something off.
CLIMAX
An official suspends the game and suspects foul play. Diarmuid looks and Maeve, she’s terrified. The crowd now getting rowdy. Diarmuid realises he must take the blame to save face. He does. He’s booed! The cheater. Diarmuid and Maeve show each other a loving moment. They leave.
INT. GARDA STATION. DAY
Richard is livid. But also restrained – finally accepting his fate.
INT. COURTROOM. DAY
Richard sentence is read out – he looks like he’s about to do time – until his court case is paid for by someone…Alice! Richard walks with a suspended sentence. Diarmuid reconciles with his Mother.
INT. DIARMUIDS NEW HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid and Maeve are streaming live on their new twitch channel. Richard is confused and tries to join in. It’s clear that Diarmuid is now looking after both of them. THE END.
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Johnny Cullen’s Basic Structure Version 1.
What I learned from this is that by returning to the outline stage you can plot out your story relatively easily and restructure issues with simple problem-solving.
Logline: An insecure influencer competes with his estranged half-sister to win prize money in a video game tournament to save his crooked step-father from prison.
Main Conflict: Diarmuid must enter a video game competition to earn funds to save his father from prison and avoid taking custody of his estranged half-sister Maeve.
Opening: Diarmuid (12), 2002 competes in the Emerald Fist doubles gaming competition, He is Traumatized By Losing To Marcus With Friend Kevin By Cheating With Stepfather Present. We Flashforward to Diarmuid As a Failed Influencer Craving Adoration.
.
When Diarmuid is summoned to his half-sister’s Maves Birthday, we find out that his stepfather Richard is in the process of being arrested for Fraud and Deception. He is confronted by Richard’s solicitors that he will take full custody of Maeve unless Richard pays back his balance of fraud.
Diarmuid tries every opportunity for money (Loan/borrow from old friends etc) even tries to contact old friend Kevin (now a successful entrepreneur) but to no avail. Diarmuid notices Emerald Fist competition (doubles only) with prize fund enlists with Maeve in a desperate attempt.
Diarmuid and Maeve train together and everything is going well. They enter the competition and win a few rounds. Maeve gets her first-period mid-way through a game – Diarmuid offers support, they bond as siblings.
Diarmuid realizes old friend Kevin has teamed up with Rival Marcus. Diarmuid and Maeve play them and lose. Diarmuid blames Maeve. Tells her about the situation and how he doesn’t want to take custody of her. Diarmuid gets a promising job offer that could allow him to find his fame and adoration as an influencer. They are still in loser brackets and Diarmuid enjoys the fame he is getting through the live streams.
Maeve, distraught and angry, is desperate to win to get her father back. She decides to cheat behind Diarmuid’s back. They enter the loser brackets and begin to start winning, Diarmuid is connecting with Maeve again as she is boosting his ego. They manage to make it to the final again for a rematch with Kevin and Marcus
It becomes clear during the final showdown that Maeve is Cheating. Diarmuid realizes that Maeve will be publicly humiliated so in a desperate attempt to save her he admits to cheating publicly knowing it will destroy his image.
Richard goes to court to face the music. However, Marcus (Diarmuid’s old rival) pays the amount as a friendly gesture. The rivalry was all in Diarmuid’s head
Diarmuid takes custody of Maeve and Richard and launches a successful streaming channel.
—————————————————————————————–
Main issue is that the mother character (Alice) has been just cast aside and it affects the overall logic of the story. In plot point 3 Diarmuid needs to contact Alice for advice and we need her to say no with a legitimate reason.
This affects the later stages of the story 4. – so after Maeve gets her period she calls her mother Alice.
At Beat 5. Alice comes back to take Maeve and she goes missing Diarmuid kidnaps her and they compete (more for Diarmuid’s selfish ego reasons). Maeve feels she needs to cheat.
Then at the end when Richard gets sentenced Alice pays the bill not Marcus – Diarmuid has a moment of reconciliation with Alice.
So the revised Beats are as follows.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Opening: Diarmuid (12), 2002 competes in the Emerald Fist doubles gaming competition, He is Traumatized By Losing To Marcus With Friend Kevin By Cheating With Stepfather Present (Mother is not). We Flashforward to Diarmuid As a Failed Influencer Craving Adoration.
When Diarmuid is summoned to his half-sister’s Maves Birthday by his mother Alice, we find out that his stepfather Richard is in the process of being arrested for Fraud and Deception. Diarmuid is confronted by Richard’s solicitors that he will take full custody of Maeve unless Richard pays back his balance of fraud.
Diarmuid tries every opportunity for money (Loan/borrow from old friends etc) even tries to contact old friend Kevin (now a successful entrepreneur) and also his mother who tells him Richard had it coming. Diarmuid notices Emerald Fist competition (doubles only) with prize fund enlists with Maeve in a desperate attempt.
Diarmuid and Maeve train together and everything is going well. They enter the competition and win a few rounds. Maeve gets her first period mid-way through a game – Diarmuid offers support, they bond as siblings. Maeve calls her mother to let her know the good news.
Diarmuid realizes old friend Kevin has teamed up with Rival Marcus. Diarmuid, frustrated Tells her about the situation and how he doesn’t want to take custody of her. Maeve runs away to try and find a way to her mother.
Diarmuid finds Maeve alone and abandoned. He apologizes and discusses that they need to win, for Richard (But Diarmuid still has his career in his mind). Maeve secretly cheats knowing it’s the only way to have a semi-functioning adult in her life. They manage to bond in the following bouts beating the competition with ease with Maeve’s tampered control pad.
It becomes clear during the final showdown that Maeve is Cheating. Diarmuid realizes that Maeve will be publicly humiliated so in a desperate attempt to save her he admits to cheating publicly knowing it will destroy his image.
Richard goes to court to face the music. However, ALICE pays the amount as an act of reconciliation.
Diarmuid takes custody of Maeve and launches a successful streaming channel.
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Johnny’s Logline and One Page.
What I’ve Learned doing this assignment this that relooking at the core of your story with fresh eyes and a new perspective can have a real impact.
Title: Emerald Fist
Genre: Heart Warming Comedy
Logline: An insecure influencer competes with his estranged half-sister to win prize money in a video game tournament to save his crooked step-father from prison.
One Page:
DIARMUID (13), scared, competes in a tournament of two-player co-op fighting game EMERALD FIST. Following stepfather RICHARD’s example to win at all costs, Diarmuid cheats. He’s caught and humiliated.
TWENTY YEARS LATER Diarmuid is a social media influencer… but on the inside, he’s afraid crippled with a deep sense of inadequacy.
Richard’s long-divorced from ALICE, absentee mother of Diarmuid and his HALF-SISTER MAEVE (12). Richard confesses he’s facing prison for fraud and needs money. If convicted, Diarmuid will have to take custody of Maeve.
Diarmuid’s broke but desperate to avoid this, and learns about an Emerald Fist tournament with a huge cash-prize. He must enter… but it’s too late to find a partner. Who will help him without hesitation? Maeve. Diarmuid and Maeve obliterate opponents, bonding while progressing. But Diarmuid lies to Maeve, keeping secret that he doesn’t want to be her guardian.
Diarmuid’s former gaming-partner KEVIN shocks Diarmuid by teaming up with his old rival MARCUS… beating Diarmuid and Maeve. They must fight their way out of the “loser” brackets. Tension threatens to destroy their relationship, and before the finals Diarmuid reveals the truth: “no-one wants her”.
Diarmuid is offered a big-break TV show where he will have to leave Ireland. To make sure she won’t be left alone, Maeve decides to secretly cheat. They face Kevin and Marcus again, and it’s clear Maeve is cheating.
Diarmuid realises its history repeating itself… so claims he is the cheater. He’s humiliated again, but it doesn’t matter: he has saved Maeve. Richard faces the music, but by twist of fate Alice the estranged mother steps in and bails him out. A brief moment of intergenerational forgiveness.
Diarmuid takes custody of Maeve AND Richard. The two half-siblings become presenters on their own successful streaming platform Full Synchronicity.
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I, Johnny Cullen agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hey Everyone, m
My name is Johnny Cullen and I have been working on the same script on and off for quite some time (so perhaps 1 then?) I actually did this course a while back! But hoping to give it another shot as the script has developed over time.
I live in Dublin and I am half-Irish/half-Sri Lankan!
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Hey Pamela,
I’m replying as part of assignment 2 and I really love your synopsis! Reads really well love the doggy puns throughout really helps sell the humour and tone of the piece.
No real critiques to be honest I think it’s really strong and clear. The only area that may need a little clarity was the David and Goliath showdown – perhaps an extra few words on how the Goons were apprehended?
Either way, love the story and looking forward to seeing Tangled Up when it’s in the cinema!
Thanks
Johnny