[John Vanderberg]

Sorry, I am not seeing a link to the course, just the forums. Where can I access the content to the course, please?

[John Vanderberg]

John Vanderberg
I agree/consent.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[John Vanderberg]

Hi, everyone! I’m very excited to be part of the group!
My name is John Vanderberg.
I’ve written 2 scripts (that I’ll admit to), and 2 more that need a lot of work. Then 2 that are marinating in the background.
I’ve received encouraging judges’ feedback about my writing and my comedy. I’m always looking to learn more, be exposed to great examples, and love to network.
Something unique, special, strange, or unusual about me? I’m self-taught and learning the long way, but I am committed and determined to be successful at writing great scripts. As an aside, I have a son who is in Hollywood trying to break into the biz as an actor, so it’s amazing to live vicariously through his trials and tribulations in this industry as well.

[John Vanderberg]

Hi Cheryl, for some reason, I’m not seeing a Week 2 Forums link. I’m able to advance through each lesson, but I’ve just been keeping notes as I go, because there’s nowhere to post them.

[John Vanderberg]

I would love to do this, but there are no other writers in this class. Cheryl, do you and Hal still offer this exchange or review of a rewritten scene by either of you or someone on your team? Or is this not available?

[John Vanderberg]

– What causes both characters to reveal their wounds?
Will and Skyler reveal their wounds due to Skyler inviting Will to California with her. The writer masterfully grows the intensity of this scene as their respective wounds and fears grow with intensity as they conflict with one another. Sklyer’s wound of losing love urges her to invite Will. Will’s fear of abandonment makes him turn down her invitation. Will’s resistance heightens Skyler’s fears, and then Will grows more defensive about going. Then Skyler challenges his fears, to which Will grows angry and more defensive, and then accuses her of lying. Then she challenges his fears further and calls him out for lying. They are both so afraid of being hurt, and it comes to a head, and she breaks down. Then Will’s fears ultimately drive the spike between them, and telling her that he doesn’t love her is his only parachute to bail out.

– How are those wounds motivating their emotions, actions, and reactions? They spiral and grow with intensity in equal blows until the top gets blown off.

– How is each character threatening the other’s wound? Their fears are opposed due to her wanting to leave Boston for California. Inviting him threatens his security of home and having a job, and friends. And his not wanting to risk it all by leaving threatens her fear of losing love immensely.

Watch 2nd time for:

What drama was this scene built around?
Her wanting to leave and inviting him to California pushes him outside of his comfort zone, and his refusing her invitation threatens her fear of losing love. It all escalates from there.

What traits showed up in these characters’ words and actions?

Skyler:
Loving
Commitment
Goal-oriented (to move to pursue her dreams and goals)
Compassion and empathy
Frustration and aggression when threatened

Will:
Fear
Avoidance
Anger
Hurt/Pain
Aggression
Hurtful to protect himself

Insights:
This fight is so raw and so on point with their wounds and fears, that it is truly uncomfortable for the audience. We can truly feel the pain they are both feeling in this struggle.

The power of wounds and fears, and overcoming obstacles, is really well done here.
I want to define my supporting characters’ wounds and fears better so that there can be more conflict and drama, even in my comedy. The feedback I’d gotten was that some of my supporting characters need more depth and agency, and this is a great example of creating conflict around opposing goals and desires. More than rewriting a scene, I need to put some deeper thought into who my supporting characters are, what they want, what their wounds are, and then how they can clash with my main character. Thank you!

[John Vanderberg]

– What causes both characters to reveal their wounds?
Will and Skyler reveal their wounds due to Skyler inviting Will to California with her. The writer masterfully grows the intensity of this scene as their respective wounds and fears grow with intensity as they conflict with one another. Sklyer’s wound of losing love urges her to invite Will. Will’s fear of abandonment makes him turn down her invitation. Will’s resistance heightens Skyler’s fears, and then Will grows more defensive about going. Then Skyler challenges his fears, to which Will grows angry and more defensive, and then accuses her of lying. Then she challenges his fears further and calls him out for lying. They are both so afraid of being hurt, and it comes to a head, and she breaks down. Then Will’s fears ultimately drive the spike between them, and telling her that he doesn’t love her is his only parachute to bail out.

– How are those wounds motivating their emotions, actions, and reactions? They spiral and grow with intensity in equal blows until the top gets blown off.

– How is each character threatening the other’s wound? Their fears are opposed due to her wanting to leave Boston for California. Inviting him threatens his security of home and having a job, and friends. And his not wanting to risk it all by leaving threatens her fear of losing love immensely.

Watch 2nd time for:

What drama was this scene built around?
Her wanting to leave and inviting him to California pushes him outside of his comfort zone, and his refusing her invitation threatens her fear of losing love. It all escalates from there.

What traits showed up in these characters’ words and actions?

Skyler:
Loving
Commitment
Goal-oriented (to move to pursue her dreams and goals)
Compassion and empathy
Frustration and aggression when threatened

Will:
Fear
Avoidance
Anger
Hurt/Pain
Aggression
Hurtful to protect himself

[John Vanderberg]

Kate’s secret is set up by Marshall asking Jack for his handcuffs in his jacket pocket, but Jack finds the printout of Kate’s mugshot. Marshall warns Jack that she’s dangerous. 
The demand comes from playing “I Never” with Sawyer. Sawyer says, “I’ve never killed a man.” Kate drinks, revealing that she has. Then Sawyer drinks, showing that he has. This is the first thing they have in common. I don’t remember why Sawyer suspected this of her, but that is really the answer about where the demand came from. Not really sure what it was based on these clips alone.
Kate’s secret is revealed in a flashback to open an episode. 
What drama was this scene built around? I’m not sure which of the 3 scenes you’re asking about. The first scene is built on Jack trying to save Marshall’s life, and it’s revealed that his love interest has a past and is dangerous. The drama in the “I Never” game is built on raising the stakes with the intensity of the questions, from Disneyland, to being married before, to the intention of flirting, then the big one – about killing someone. The drama in the 3rd scene is not knowing what the drunk was going to try to do. There was tension as she helped him to bed because there was no levity. She seemed to be doing it out of obligation. Although he kept complimenting her, he also seemed threatening in how he spoke to her, and asked her to take his pants off after his shoes. She was clearly not interested, and so the drama and tension rose throughout the scene. 
Traits that came up:
Jack – life-saver, determined, stoic, cares for Kate, but conflicted by the reveal. 
Kate – invested, interested in Sawyer, dangerous, drinks, flirt.
Sawyer – rebel, scoundrel, has a past, knows how to get people talking. Drinks.
Insights on what makes this character great: Kate is a great character on many levels. She’s portrayed as a desirable love interest by two very different men, which empowers her. She’s beautiful, brave, adventurous, mysterious, flirtatious, and emotionally available. She’s strong and has strong beliefs and feelings. Her secret makes her even more interesting, and after it’s revealed, there are still a lot of questions about how her relationship with the man she killed got to that point. “Lost” is a great show and was so well written.  My insights on creating a character with a secret are about leading the audience and other characters along with clues. Enough breadcrumbs to keep everyone interested, and then the build-up to the payoff.  
For my script “Wish Away,” I have a number of pay-offs that I lead up to throughout the script. One of the big ones is that John (the cop) is actually a guardian angel, or spiritual leader, to Max, our protagonist. Another is that Max’s sister, who is coming to visit for Thanksgiving, much to Max’s chagrin, is bringing their parents, unbeknownst to him. And there’s a lot of tension and resentment built up for them over time, so it’s leading up to an unexpected reunion. 
Studying these scenes from Lost makes me feel like I can examine how to create better suspense or build up to my payoffs. I would really like to hear what others thought about these scenes. 

[John Vanderberg]

Where is Junah coming from?
I haven’t this movie, so I only know what you’ve said from the set up. Junah needs to beat the greatest golfers alive to win the match, but has lost his swing, so he’s desperately practicing and trying to find his groove. I don’t know anything more about him.

Where is Bagger Vance coming from?
Again, I don’t really have a reference other than this scene. It seems a complete stranger wanders out of the darkness and offers to be his caddy, and mysteriously states that Junah has lost his swing. He’ll certainly be playing the role of mentor/coach/trusted adviser, and he seems to be an unlikely one, based on his strolling out of the darkness. I really don’t know his perspective or where he’s coming from. I can’t tell if he’s imaginary, or a complete unknown, or an upcoming golf great. Again, sorry, I don’t really know where he’s coming from.

What makes them right for their roles?
Will Smith is unassuming but seems to have a natural gift and an intriguing way of gaining Junah’s interest and trust. He’s a bit like the way Yoda acts the first time Luke meets him—an unassuming teacher of sorts.
Meanwhile, Junah isn’t much interested and is too focused on hitting balls to pay him much attention until Bagger strokes one and diagnoses that Junah has lost his swing.

My insight is that the scene is clever and roundabout in its creation of their bond, or moment, after what feels more like an interruption or nuisance from a passerby.

I can see how creative introductions can lead to a stronger relationship or “magical moment” of connection, rather than more direct ones.

I think if I saw more of the movie or was more familiar with the story, this scene may have meant more to the theme of this assignment. I am an avid golfer and I’ve heard of the movie – just never saw it. I’ll have to check it out. 🙂

[John Vanderberg]

What future is Sarah Connor living into?
She (really her son) is the future, the key to survival. She goes from a waitress with no meaning to having the most important job of anyone: survive from a tireless robot assassin, as a single woman, to now have the “goal” of meeting and marrying the right man, have a son, lose your husband, then raise the child to be a fighter and leader during a war. A complete and drastic transformation.

What future is Kyle Reese living into?
Essentially, a volunteer who has time-traveled to protect the future and undeniably sacrifice himself for Sarah, John, and mankind.

What is Sarah’s transformation?
The realization that not only her survival, but every decision she makes from here on out will determine the outcome of the world and mankind. She takes this all in, debates her ability, and ultimately accepts it. It’s her stepping into the upside-down world.

What drama was the scene built around?
The threat of being hunted and killed. The scary and bleak description of the future. That everything is on the line and that everyone is counting on her to have John and raise him to fight and be a leader. The fact that her protector is already injured and she’s queasy over bandaging him up, and ill-suited for the task, much less what lies ahead.

What traits showed up?
An unrealized toughness
Unselfishness
Leadership
Loyalty
Respect
Responsibility

Daily focus:
Insights/Breakthroughs:
Thinking about the end while writing the story. Admittedly, I barely know the end of my story, even when plotting my outline. Now, with the END in mind, to go back and look for ways to improve key points with a clearer “future,” will improve everything along the way.
2) other writers – none yet.
3) rewrite a scene or character based on insights
My story is a “genie in the bottle” (wish) story where characters swap fates. There’s also a guardian angel aspect. Having a more clearly defined ending will help me rewrite scenes with these evolutions in mind. I can better focus on the transformations that happen, the twists, the irony, the similarities and ultimately the pay-offs. One piece of feedback I received was to make the wish lead to more of a complete “switcheroo” and make the results of the wish more clearly defined. With the insights of writing better by keeping the future in mind, I can better craft the scenes and tension that lead there, rather than write “in the moment” “about the moment.”

[John Vanderberg]

John Vanderberg
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[John Vanderberg]

Hi, my name is John Vanderberg.
I’ve written two scripts and have two more marinating beneath the surface.
I’m taking this class because I’m challenging myself to learn how to write supporting characters with more depth and agency. Everything in the description of this class, the intro with the Devil Wears Prada example, and the exercise Hal demonstrated afterwards, has me even more excited for what I hope to take away and put to good use.
Something unique/interesting about me is that I’ve been writing on and off for over 20 years, but never made the commitment to go “all-in.” We’ve raised a large family and made a career in advertising sales. I’m now living vicariously through my oldest son, who studied film and is living in LA to pursue his Hollywood dreams. His goal is to be IN a movie. My goal is to write, sell and be part of MAKING a movie. Cheers!

[John Vanderberg]

Traits (core parts) – foundation of 3 main characters in Good Will Hunting:

Skylar:
Intelligent
Modest (wound?)
Open-minded
Decent, kind-hearted

Chuckie:
Swagger. Confident.
Player (with the ladies)
Not so book smart, but street smart, and street tough
Gets out over his skis – doesn’t know his limits until it’s too late (wound?)

Will:
Brilliant. Street and book (wicked) smart.
Brave
Loyal to his friends
Challenges authority and conventional education (wound?)

Drama:

Chuckie hits on Skyler, and while she entertains his attempts to impress her, the audience is anxious over his fumbling.

Enter the bully who shows Chucky up and ridicules him. We feel sorry for Chucky even more.

Will steps in, and with the cut on his lip and torn t-shirt, in another movie, it would appear he was there to challenge the bully physically. But then Will takes the bully apart with intellect, and is five steps ahead of him during the entire sequence. When the bully realizes he’s been “out-smarted,” he opts for the low blow about Will not having a degree. While that did get a chuckle out of Will, he still cuts the bully down, calling him out for being unoriginal and for plagiarizing. And then, after beating him in EVERY way, he ALSO implies that he can kick his ass physically, if the bully dared, and clearly, the bully knew he was beat there too. Amazing scene.

Insights / breakthroughs:

Wow. I realize that I can make my hero even stronger and more interesting by providing stronger and more interesting supporting characters. Scenes with more emotion and drama can happen when supporting characters have clear traits and goals as well.

In this case, it’s not wit and one-liners, but really cerebral content, but since it also cuts the bully down at every turn, the exchange has real depth.

The script I’d like to focus on has a protagonist who’s an A-list actor who’s been type-cast as a pirate. His goal is to quit acting and to be a writer. His acting career has brought him fame and fortune, but he’s unhappy. He’s reaquainted with a love interest (B-Story) who is a waitress in a diner, does some freelance writing, and never got her acting break in Hollywood. Also, in part, due to the fact that she forfeited her career so he could persue his. Anyway, I have a few scenes between the two of them where I can greatly raise the stakes, the drama, and tension by better writing her traits, her wound, and her goals. Same with two other supporting characters who are more pedestrian and provide surfacy obstacles, rather than more interesting characters.

• This reply was modified 3 weeks, 6 days ago by  John Vanderberg. Reason: redacted. I found the class and assignments after Cheryl helped 🙂