Jonathan Parks
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SCREENWRITING HOMEWORK 8
Jon’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is… I learned that I do a lot of what Ive learned in this lesson naturally, but I have to convert to doing it methodically.
THEME: A broken family’s grave need for a paradigm change, both as a group and individually. Each of the main characters is reaching out for help and for the change that will finally bring them true happiness and bring real meaning to their lives.
Antagonist’s Beats:
Detective volunteers for habitat for humanity
Detective tries to avoid Judge Jones’s pressure to change jobs
Detective snoops around Callahan’s crime scene
He watches Callahan taken off to jail
Detective questions Callahan in jail
Detective meets Chance at Habitat volunteering
He shares disdain with his job
He talks dreams and realize they have similar dreams
He jokingly makes a plan to leave the city and build on a lake
He is amazed at their similarities
He gives Chance his building manual
Detective Begins Investigating the crime spree
He calls Judge Jones and asks him to look into Judge Dreyfus
Judge pressures him again about switch to the judicial side of justice
Detective makes Judge think he’s right about changing jobs but he is thinking about homebuilding
Detective’s stakeouts get him closer and closer to the crook
He is outsmarted by the crook thanks to Carolina’s help
Detective snoops around Callahan’s court proceedings
Judge calls detective to thank him for the Dreyfus tip and tries to grill him
Detective tells Judge Jones that the law sometimes needs a lil help to get to justice
Detective and Mom show their bond and a bit of who they are personally
He has proposed to his girlfriend and he’s a mommas boy
PLACEHOLDER: need to learn moms potential power here
Detective finally catches the crook and its Chance
PLACEHOLDER: when and why does he reveal all he knows about being family
Detective visits Callahan in jail for more questions, tells him about Chance, promises to help
Squeezes Callahan’s hand. They have history, is it revealed now?
PLACEHOLDER: when and why does he reveal it and how does that fit in Chances journey
He hugs his dad for the first time in a while at the mistrial
He whispers that his mom is working on getting Chance out of jail
He escorts Chance out of jail
Detective snatches sold sign out of ground triumphantly
He and his brother over look the halfway done lakeside home dream together
He watches as his mom is healed a bit along with Chances’s mom AND the whole family
4 Act Structure
Act 1:
A Opening
(Montage: The beginning of the day for main characters)
INT. BUS – MORNING
TE 1 Chance sees homestead billboard on the way to law school
EXT. URBAN HOME CONSTRUCTION SITE – CONTINUOUS
Detective volunteers for habitat for humanity
INT. CALAHAN LAW OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Dad lectures young lawyers in his office on power of details
INT. CALAHAN HOME – CONTINUOUS
Fiancé gets kids off to school on her way to work EXHAUSTED but COMMITTED
INT. CALAHAN KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Retired Mom sips her coffee and slides her a few dollars and a coffee to go THEN fires up a cig
EXT. LAW SCHOOL CAMPUS – CONTINUOUS
Chance urgently traverses the school campus…surveying it like he taking it all in
EXT. COURTHOUSE STEPS – CONTINUOUS
Detective tries to sneak by Judge Jones (you ignoring me?) SMDH
INT. LAW SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Chance walks the hallways at school to a locker and empties it
Suddenly summoned into and admin office by the school dean
INT. DEANS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
TE 2 Dean Johnson lectures him about needing successful kids like him in the community
B Inciting Incident
EXT. LAW SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Chance quits college
INT. DEANS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Returns for his mechanics manual
Chance now has a secret to hide
INT. CALAHAN HOME – LATE AFTERNOON
TE 3 Fiancé confronts him when he leaves kid alone to to go on job interview
EXT. AUTO SHOP – AFTERNOON
Busy high volume day
EXT. AUTO SHOP BAY – AFTERNOON
Gets a job fixing cars
C Turning Point 1
INT. CALAHAN HOME – LATENIGHT
Dad kills a home invader
EXT. CALAHAN HOME – LATENIGHT
Police arrives as Dad exits home
INT. CALAHAN HOME – LATENIGHT
Dad goes to jail
EXT. CALAHAN HOME – LATENIGHT
He see Dad ride off in a police cruiser as he heads for his car
Act 2:
A New plan
PLACEHOLDER: good place to montage and feel the weight of things
INT. CALAHAN HOME – MORNING
Chance promises his Mom he’ll take care of them
Carolina seems unsure of it
INT. AUTO SHOP BAY – AFTERNOON
Chance works harder at work but the money isn’t enough
EXT. CALAHAN PORCH – NIGHT
TE 4 Fiancé wants a better life and leaves with the kid
He has a rage filled outburst
TE 5 Mom calms him, takes him to the far end of the porch
He breaks down as mom tells him about his grandfather the carpenter – built this house
EXT. PRISON – DAY
Lots of inmate activity
INT. CELL BLOCK – CONTINUOUS
Feet walking down auster corridor
INT. HOLDING ROOM
Detective questions Callahan in jail
B Plan in Action
EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
Chance has just landed a day worker job
A construction Bell rings
A prison horn sounds
INT. PRISON VISITOR CENTER – DAY
Chance visits dad in jail
Guard says, he says looks like the same guy from last visit
They both face the emotions they were pushing down
PLACEHOLDER: need to see how dads situation is effecting chance
is he scared, resentful, too busy or is he keeping busy so as not to face it
maybe dad tells him to focus on work and hold things till he figures it out
maybe dad hint to a hidden plan he has
dad could motivate him to work even harder
believe in himself (transcend the lazy past)
PLACEHOLDER: montage
Working the 2 jobs
We see how hard the work is
TE 8 He studies homebuilding in the little free time he has…
He stops reading and stashes a wad of cash inside book
Working the 2 jobs more
TE 7 Chances jobs starting to pay off savings is growing
The book is too fat…he has to find a new place for it
We begin to see his excitement
He pulls a new tool belt from a hardware store bag and puts it on
He sees a slightly different person in the mirror
How does he feel about the person? Disappointment, Fear of him failing, surprisingly proud?
EXT. URBAN HOME CONSTRUCTION SITE – EARLY MORNING
TE 9 Chance volunteers at Habitat to learn to build a house
We see he got skills now
Meets the Detective
TE 10 They both share their disdain with their jobs
TE 11 They talk dreams and realize they are similar dreams
TE 12 They jokingly make a plan to leave the city and build on a lake
They are amazed at similarities
TE 13 Detective gives him his building manual
C Turning Point 2. (MIDPOINT)
INT. AUTO SHOP FRONT OFFICE – EVENING
Chance gets fired for moonlighting the same day his night job gets stopped by the city inspector
EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
As Chance walks onto site, many workers walk off site and towards him
He threads his way to an exception sign that says STOP WORK IMMEDIATELY
Someone tells him as they walk by that it’ll be a month or two
Payroll is held up too…no checks anytime soon…some kind of investigation?
Act 3:
A Rethink everything
INT. CALAHAN GARAGE – NIGHT
Chance finds and loads his dad’s handgun
PLACEHOLDER:
Chance becomes a crook
Robbing, Stealing, Fencing, Scamming
PLACEHOLDER:
TE 14 Savings skyrockets
PLACEHOLDER:
Detective Begins Investigating the crime spree
EXT. URBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
TE 15 Between crimes… He helps an elderly man on a ladder fix his windows
INT. BODEGA – EVENING
TE 16 Between crimes… When he sees a woman neighbor buy cat food to eat
EXT. NEIGHBOR’S FRONT PORCH – SAME EVENING
He places groceries on her porch…this becomes a recurring deed
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Detective calls Judge Jones from streets
Says hope I’m not interrupting anything important
INT. WINE AND SPIRITS WHOLESELLER – CONTINUOUS
Nope, just pickin up some soda pop
A bottle of XO cognac is wedged between a bottle of mina mesa cabernet and a bottle of Meiomi Pino Noir
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Tells him Callahan’s Judge Karen Dreyfus is not clean for this case
Says you might wanna look into it
INT. WINE AND SPIRITS WHOLESELLER – CONTINUOUS
When are you gonna look into making that career move
Its a pay raise AND a paradigm shift
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Detective puts the phone to his forehead
Gets quiet
Finally, he responds “you might be right about this hectic career choice”
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Judge says now we’re making progress
Then says ok, Ill investigate detective
Then prods him about handling his own “caper” job in his hood
Hangs up on detective
B New plan
EXT. BARBER SHOP – AFTERNOON
Establishing shot
EXT. BARBER SHOP – CONTINUOUS
Chance learns about the Detective from TV news story as he preps for caper
The entire place is rattling with commentary about the crimes
Chance jokes to them that he now has to Tighten up his routine his overall plan
They laugh and take it as a joke though he’s serious
INT. DETECTIVE’S CAR – NIGHT
He’s talking himself through his mission to corner the crook
Turn by turn, street by street
He looks, he sees someone, they evade him
This goes on for a while but he seems to get closer and closer to the suspect
He reaches over to the passenger seat and loads a round into the chamber
INT. CAROLINA’S CAR – NIGHT
TE 17 Fiancé follows him on a caper
She is having a quiet but heated convo with her mom on the speaker phone as she searches the hood
She looks urgently in every possible direction for something
The convo is split between English and Spanish
Out of nowhere she say’s “yeah, like this some bullshit Mammi!”
She sees Chance in the distance and stops the car and convo and watches intensely
EXT – DESERTED ALLEY – NIGHT
TE 18 He lets a victim go free with out taking from them
After shaking shaking down a victim Chance comes across something in his belongings that gives him pause
The victim talks him into letting him go alive
When the victim turns to walk away Chance calls him back
And asks him a few questions about the item
Them gives him everything back
Chances phone suddenly vibrates
He says to the victim “don’t walk…then screams RUN!
INT. CAROLINA’S CAR – NIGHT
TE 19 Fiancé calls him as he’s almost caught and guides him out of danger
Carolina blurts out, that police cruiser you’ve been evading has you dead to rights Chance
EXT – DESERTED ALLEY – NIGHT
Chance can’t believe he’s hearing Carolina say this
Suddenly headlights bend the corner
Then Carolina speeds in the direction of the headlights but diverts last second
EXT – DESERTED ALLEY – NIGHT
TE 20 Detective left high and dry at the scene
Detective is so focused spotting the crook that he narrowly escapes a collision
When her car horn blares, he just shakes his head realizing she had the right of way
He turns the corner and Chance and the victim are long gone
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Detective slips into the back of the room and grabs the first open seat
Judge Dryfus is forced to recuse herself
She does all she can do to withhold her anger but can’t
Judge says, do you even understand you killed someone’s kid?
Callahan, I STOPPED a 20 year old armed intruder…home invader… from possibly murdering my family
She just glares at him as she snatches up her papers and leaves
Detective slips away unnoticed
Bailiff: ALL RISE!
INT. JUDGES CHAMBERS – CONTINUOUS
Judge Jones leans over his computer
The monitors are reflected in his glasses and the bright light is refracting on his face
He calls Detective cell with a short cryptic message
Thanks for the tip Detective she was definitely compromised friend of a friend’s rotten ass son
INT. COURTHOUSE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Detective thanks him for listening
INT. JUDGES CHAMBERS – CONTINUOUS
Judge Jones you wanna share your motivation
INT. COURTHOUSE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Just not sure the law was giving everyone a fair shot at …justice
INT. JUDGES CHAMBERS – CONTINUOUS
Judge Jones you can trust the law… it works. You’re a lawyer yourself, you know that
INT. COURTHOUSE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Yeah but sometimes the law needs oil change and a jump start or it’ll leave your ass stranded or worst, run your ass over…Sir
INT. JUDGES CHAMBERS – CONTINUOUS
Good day Detective
C Turning Point 3: Huge failure / Major shift
INT. DETECTIVE’S LIVING ROOM
Meet detectives mom
Learn he’s a mommas boy
Learn he has a proposed to his girlfriend
Tipped off goes after crook
EXT. URBAN AREA – NIGHT
Detective is watching Chance
Sets him up good
Chance is arrested on 20 counts
Looking at 20-80 years in prison
INT. PRISON CELL – DAY
Chance is in jail dejected as he paces in his small cell
He talks to himself “I can’t do this”
PLACE HOLDER: Get more progress from others
INT. PRISON CELL – AFTERNOON
Does push ups, sit ups between going crazy
He runs in place
INT. PRISON CELL – NIGHT
Chance considers suicide
His building manual and dreams prevent that
He recommits to his dream of building a home
Act 4:
A Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
INT. PRISON – DAY
Detective visits Callahan in jail for a few unanswered questions
Detective Delivers Chances Fate
Detective makes promise to do what he can to help
TE 21 Dad says don’t worry about me just Chance
They squeeze hands as they cannot hug
INT. COURTROOM – AFTERNOON
Dads trial begins up to All Rise…
Judge Jones is announce and we see delight on Detective’s face
Dad calls Sergeant Antoni Mills (arresting officer) to the stand
TE 22 Dad gets him to prove him not guilty through an exercise in the courtroom
TE 23 Judge stops the hearing and rule it a mistrial
INT. COURTROOM HALLWAY – MOMENTS LATER
The Prosecuting Attorney reluctantly answers his cell phone and says Yes Sir, No, Sir, UH yes
Detective notices then whispers something to Dad
Dad face grows with excitement and he tears up as Detective pats him on the shoulders
INT. DA’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Barry’s mom arranges for Chance’s release
B Resolution
(Montage: The beginning of a new day for main characters)
EXT. PRISON BOXING CLUB – DAY
The old weak scared Chance throw a couple body blows then a knockdown shot to his opponent
A prison guard summons Chance Callahan
Chance exclaims that he aint done nothin wrong that was a clean shot
Prison Gate buzzer blares
Chance and Barry walk out of the facility with belongings in hand
EXT. CALLAHAN LAW OFFICES – DAY
TE 25 Dads lawsuits are dropped and his finances and home are safe again
The family removes notices and official tape and out of business signs from the property
Landscapers work on the yard
Family is cleaning exterior
Or grand reopening signs
EXT. CALLAHAN HOME – DAY
Dad glares at the for sale sign in his front yard
He looks around at all the neighbors looking at him
Then snatches the for sale sign out of the ground at the same time that
EXT. LAKESIDE HOME BUILD PROJECT – MONTHS LATER
Barry snatches the SOLD sign out of the ground and tosses it to Chance
TE 26 The 2 brothers are halfway done building their twin lake houses
EXT. LAKEHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Mom confronts Sylvia
It looks like trouble
Mom thanks her
Becomes a personality match made in heaven
Instant sisters
As the rest of the family joins them and Dad and Barry take away their cigarettes
EXT. LAKE HOUSE AERIAL – CONTINUOUS
TE 27 the view rises to reveal their majestic lakeside property with nothing but promise
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SCREENWRITING HOMEWORK 7
Jon’s High Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is… I have been doing much of the high speed technique and place holders already on my own. Now I just have to put them into slug line format and condense the descriptions
4 Act Structure for Protagonist
Act 1:
A Opening
(Montage: The beginning of the day for main characters)
INT. BUS – MORNING
TE 1 Chance sees homestead billboard on the way to law school
EXT. URBAN HOME CONSTRUCTION SITE – CONTINUOUS
Detective volunteers for habitat for humanity
INT. CALAHAN LAW OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Dad lectures young lawyers in his office on power of details
INT. CALAHAN HOME – CONTINUOUS
Fiancé gets kids off to school on her way to work EXHAUSTED but COMMITTED
INT. CALAHAN KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Retired Mom sips her coffee and slides her a few dollars and a coffee to go THEN fires up a cig
EXT. LAW SCHOOL CAMPUS – CONTINUOUS
Chance urgently traverses the school campus…surveying it like he taking it all in
EXT. COURTHOUSE STEPS – CONTINUOUS
Detective tries to sneak by Judge Jones (you ignoring me?) SMDH
INT. LAW SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Chance walks the hallways at school to a locker and empties it
Suddenly summoned into and admin office by the school dean
INT. DEANS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
TE 2 Dean Johnson lectures him about needing successful kids like him in the community
B Inciting Incident
EXT. LAW SCHOOL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Chance quits college
INT. DEANS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Returns for his mechanics manual
Chance now has a secret to hide
INT. CALAHAN HOME – LATE AFTERNOON
TE 3 Fiancé confronts him when he leaves kid alone to to go on job interview
EXT. AUTO SHOP – AFTERNOON
Busy high volume day
EXT. AUTO SHOP BAY – AFTERNOON
Gets a job fixing cars
C Turning Point 1
INT. CALAHAN HOME – LATENIGHT
Dad kills a home invader
EXT. CALAHAN HOME – LATENIGHT
Police arrives as Dad exits home
INT. CALAHAN HOME – LATENIGHT
Dad goes to jail
EXT. CALAHAN HOME – LATENIGHT
He see Dad ride off in a police cruiser as he heads for his car
Act 2:
A New plan
PLACEHOLDER: good place to montage and feel the weight of things
INT. CALAHAN HOME – MORNING
Chance promises his Mom he’ll take care of them
Carolina seems unsure of it
INT. AUTO SHOP BAY – AFTERNOON
Chance works harder at work but the money isn’t enough
EXT. CALAHAN PORCH – NIGHT
TE 4 Fiancé wants a better life and leaves with the kid
He has a rage filled outburst
TE 5 Mom calms him, takes him to the far end of the porch
He breaks down as mom tells him about his grandfather the carpenter – built this house
EXT. PRISON – DAY
Lots of inmate activity
INT. CELL BLOCK – CONTINUOUS
Feet walking down auster corridor
INT. HOLDING ROOM
Detective questions Callahan in jail
B Plan in Action
EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
Chance has just landed a day worker job
A construction Bell rings
A prison horn sounds
INT. PRISON VISITOR CENTER – DAY
Chance visits dad in jail
Guard says, he says looks like the same guy from last visit
They both face the emotions they were pushing down
PLACEHOLDER: need to see how dads situation is effecting chance
is he scared, resentful, too busy or is he keeping busy so as not to face it
maybe dad tells him to focus on work and hold things till he figures it out
maybe dad hint to a hidden plan he has
dad could motivate him to work even harder
believe in himself (transcend the lazy past)
PLACEHOLDER: montage
Working the 2 jobs
We see how hard the work is
TE 8 He studies homebuilding in the little free time he has…
He stops reading and stashes a wad of cash inside book
Working the 2 jobs more
TE 7 Chances jobs starting to pay off savings is growing
The book is too fat…he has to find a new place for it
We begin to see his excitement
He pulls a new tool belt from a hardware store bag and puts it on
He sees a slightly different person in the mirror
How does he feel about the person? Disappointment, Fear of him failing, surprisingly proud?
EXT. URBAN HOME CONSTRUCTION SITE – EARLY MORNING
TE 9 Chance volunteers at Habitat to learn to build a house
We see he got skills now
Meets the Detective
TE 10 They both share their disdain with their jobs
TE 11 They talk dreams and realize they are similar dreams
TE 12 They jokingly make a plan to leave the city and build on a lake
They are amazed at similarities
TE 13 Detective gives him his building manual
C Turning Point 2. (MIDPOINT)
INT. AUTO SHOP FRONT OFFICE – EVENING
Chance gets fired for moonlighting the same day his night job gets stopped by the city inspector
EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
As Chance walks onto site, many workers walk off site and towards him
He threads his way to an exception sign that says STOP WORK IMMEDIATELY
Someone tells him as they walk by that it’ll be a month or two
Payroll is held up too…no checks anytime soon…some kind of investigation?
Act 3:
A Rethink everything
INT. CALAHAN GARAGE – NIGHT
Chance finds and loads his dad’s handgun
PLACEHOLDER:
Chance becomes a crook
Robbing, Stealing, Fencing, Scamming
PLACEHOLDER:
TE 14 Savings skyrockets
PLACEHOLDER:
Detective Begins Investigating the crime spree
EXT. URBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
TE 15 Between crimes… He helps an elderly man on a ladder fix his windows
INT. BODEGA – EVENING
TE 16 Between crimes… When he sees a woman neighbor buy cat food to eat
EXT. NEIGHBOR’S FRONT PORCH – SAME EVENING
He places groceries on her porch…this becomes a recurring deed
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Detective calls Judge Jones from streets
Says hope I’m not interrupting anything important
INT. WINE AND SPIRITS WHOLESELLER – CONTINUOUS
Nope, just pickin up some soda pop
A bottle of XO cognac is wedged between a bottle of mina mesa cabernet and a bottle of Meiomi Pino Noir
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Tells him Callahan’s Judge Karen Dreyfus is not clean for this case
Says you might wanna look into it
INT. WINE AND SPIRITS WHOLESELLER – CONTINUOUS
When are you gonna look into making that career move
Its a pay raise AND a paradigm shift
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Detective puts the phone to his forehead
Gets quiet
Finally, he responds “you might be right about this hectic career choice”
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Judge says now we’re making progress
Then says ok, Ill investigate detective
Then prods him about handling his own “caper” job in his hood
Hangs up on detective
B New plan
EXT. BARBER SHOP – AFTERNOON
Establishing shot
EXT. BARBER SHOP – CONTINUOUS
Chance learns about the Detective from TV news story as he preps for caper
The entire place is rattling with commentary about the crimes
Chance jokes to them that he now has to Tighten up his routine his overall plan
They laugh and take it as a joke though he’s serious
INT. DETECTIVE’S CAR – NIGHT
He’s talking himself through his mission to corner the crook
Turn by turn, street by street
He looks, he sees someone, they evade him
This goes on for a while but he seems to get closer and closer to the suspect
He reaches over to the passenger seat and loads a round into the chamber
INT. CAROLINA’S CAR – NIGHT
TE 17 Fiancé follows him on a caper
She is having a quiet but heated convo with her mom on the speaker phone as she searches the hood
She looks urgently in every possible direction for something
The convo is split between English and Spanish
Out of nowhere she say’s “yeah, like this some bullshit Mammi!”
She sees Chance in the distance and stops the car and convo and watches intensely
EXT – DESERTED ALLEY – NIGHT
TE 18 He lets a victim go free with out taking from them
After shaking shaking down a victim Chance comes across something in his belongings that gives him pause
The victim talks him into letting him go alive
When the victim turns to walk away Chance calls him back
And asks him a few questions about the item
Them gives him everything back
Chances phone suddenly vibrates
He says to the victim “don’t walk…then screams RUN!
INT. CAROLINA’S CAR – NIGHT
TE 19 Fiancé calls him as he’s almost caught and guides him out of danger
Carolina blurts out, that police cruiser you’ve been evading has you dead to rights Chance
EXT – DESERTED ALLEY – NIGHT
Chance can’t believe he’s hearing Carolina say this
Suddenly headlights bend the corner
Then Carolina speeds in the direction of the headlights but diverts last second
EXT – DESERTED ALLEY – NIGHT
TE 20 Detective left high and dry at the scene
Detective is so focused spotting the crook that he narrowly escapes a collision
When her car horn blares, he just shakes his head realizing she had the right of way
He turns the corner and Chance and the victim are long gone
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Detective slips into the back of the room and grabs the first open seat
Judge Dryfus is forced to recuse herself
She does all she can do to withhold her anger but can’t
Judge says, do you even understand you killed someone’s kid?
Callahan, I STOPPED a 20 year old armed intruder…home invader… from possibly murdering my family
She just glares at him as she snatches up her papers and leaves
Detective slips away unnoticed
Bailiff: ALL RISE!
INT. JUDGES CHAMBERS – CONTINUOUS
Judge Jones leans over his computer
The monitors are reflected in his glasses and the bright light is refracting on his face
He calls Detective cell with a short cryptic message
Thanks for the tip Detective she was definitely compromised friend of a friend’s rotten ass son
INT. COURTHOUSE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Detective thanks him for listening
INT. JUDGES CHAMBERS – CONTINUOUS
Judge Jones you wanna share your motivation
INT. COURTHOUSE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Just not sure the law was giving everyone a fair shot at …justice
INT. JUDGES CHAMBERS – CONTINUOUS
Judge Jones you can trust the law… it works. You’re a lawyer yourself, you know that
INT. COURTHOUSE HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
Yeah but sometimes the law needs oil change and a jump start or it’ll leave your ass stranded or worst, run your ass over…Sir
INT. JUDGES CHAMBERS – CONTINUOUS
Good day Detective
C Turning Point 3: Huge failure / Major shift
INT. DETECTIVE’S LIVING ROOM
Meet detectives mom
Learn he’s a mommas boy
Learn he has a proposed to his girlfriend
Tipped off goes after crook
EXT. URBAN AREA – NIGHT
Detective is watching Chance
Sets him up good
Chance is arrested on 20 counts
Looking at 20-80 years in prison
INT. PRISON CELL – DAY
Chance is in jail dejected as he paces in his small cell
He talks to himself “I can’t do this”
PLACE HOLDER: Get more progress from others
INT. PRISON CELL – AFTERNOON
Does push ups, sit ups between going crazy
He runs in place
INT. PRISON CELL – NIGHT
Chance considers suicide
His building manual and dreams prevent that
He recommits to his dream of building a home
Act 4:
A Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
INT. PRISON – DAY
Detective visits Callahan in jail for a few unanswered questions
Detective Delivers Chances Fate
Detective makes promise to do what he can to help
TE 21 Dad says don’t worry about me just Chance
They squeeze hands as they cannot hug
INT. COURTROOM – AFTERNOON
Dads trial begins up to All Rise…
Judge Jones is announce and we see delight on Detective’s face
Dad calls Sergeant Antoni Mills (arresting officer) to the stand
TE 22 Dad gets him to prove him not guilty through an exercise in the courtroom
TE 23 Judge stops the hearing and rule it a mistrial
INT. COURTROOM HALLWAY – MOMENTS LATER
The Prosecuting Attorney reluctantly answers his cell phone and says Yes Sir, No, Sir, UH yes
Detective notices then whispers something to Dad
Dad face grows with excitement and he tears up as Detective pats him on the shoulders
INT. DA’s OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Barry’s mom arranges for Chance’s release
B Resolution
(Montage: The beginning of a new day for main characters)
EXT. PRISON BOXING CLUB – DAY
The old weak scared Chance throw a couple body blows then a knockdown shot to his opponent
A prison guard summons Chance Callahan
Chance exclaims that he aint done nothin wrong that was a clean shot
Prison Gate buzzer blares
Chance and Barry walk out of the facility with belongings in hand
EXT. CALLAHAN LAW OFFICES – DAY
TE 25 Dads lawsuits are dropped and his finances and home are safe again
The family removes notices and official tape and out of business signs from the property
Landscapers work on the yard
Family is cleaning exterior
Or grand reopening signs
EXT. CALLAHAN HOME – DAY
Dad glares at the for sale sign in his front yard
He looks around at all the neighbors looking at him
Then snatches the for sale sign out of the ground at the same time that
EXT. LAKESIDE HOME BUILD PROJECT – MONTHS LATER
Barry snatches the SOLD sign out of the ground and tosses it to Chance
TE 26 The 2 brothers are halfway done building their twin lake houses
EXT. LAKEHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Mom confronts Sylvia
It looks like trouble
Mom thanks her
Becomes a personality match made in heaven
Instant sisters
As the rest of the family joins them and Dad and Barry take away their cigarettes
EXT. LAKE HOUSE AERIAL – CONTINUOUS
TE 27 the view rises to reveal their majestic lakeside property with nothing but promise
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Jon’s Transformational Events
What I learned doing this assignment is… I am much further along in solid story structure AND everything in between. Also, I’m realizing that I have to slow down and let the lessons motivate some of my brainstorming.
Character ARC / Transformation:
Chance puts his sad criminal behavior behind him and builds a happy and prosperous life using his brain.
Internal Journey:
Feeling terrible about his criminal ways to feeling great about achieving things legally.
External Journey:
From being a two bit hustler to becoming a homeowner and business owner
Old Ways:
Not giving a shit about people
being irresponsible
Not having ambition
Not seeing himself successful in the future
being what his dad loathes
having nothing
being full of rage and confusion
New Ways:
genuinely caring about people
being responsible
being more of what his dad would have wanted
owning a home and a business just like his dad
conquering his rage and learning where it came from
Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways). Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult.
Transformations Need:
Stop being lazy and irresponsible
Recognize that there is a better life for him in the future
Find motivation and ambition
See the level of power that is within him to achieve his goals
Get off the criminal path and onto the legit path
Learn to make a plan and execute the plan
Stop doubting himself and see himself successful in the future
Begin to have empathy and sympathy for others
Get a handle on his temper, anger and rage
Become personally valuable
Become financially valuable
Work to become secure
Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.
Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes.
Transformational Events:
He leaves the kid alone to make a run. Fiancé catches him and confronts him
Dean Johnson pressures him to stay in school to no avail
Fiancé lets him know she wants a better life and is taking a break with the kid
He has a pageful outbreak
Between crimes… He helps an elderly man on a ladder fix his windows
Between crimes… When he sees a woman is buy cat food eating cat food he brings her groceries
Fiancé follows him on a caper
He lets a victim go free with out taking from them
Fiancé calls him as he’s almost caught and guides him out of danger
His mom tells him about his grandfather the carpenter – built this house
He sees the Habitat billboard and pursues it
Detective takes him to see his lakeside lot he plans to build on
He buys part of the lot from the detective
He builds his home alongside his brother’s home
Add these transformational events to your four act structure.
4 Act Structure for Protagonist
Act 1:
A Opening
The beginning of the day for main characters
Chance sees homestead billboard on the way to law school
Its where…
Detective volunteers for habitat for humanity
Dad lectures young lawyers in his office on power of details
Fiancé gets kids off to school on her way to work EXHAUSTED but COMMITTED
Retired Mom sips her coffee and slides her a few dollars and a coffee to go THEN fires up a cig
Chance urgently traverses the school campus…surveying it like he taking it all in
Detective tries to sneak by Judge Jones (you ignoring me?) SMDH
Chance walks the hallways at school to a locker and empties it
Suddenly summoned into and admin office by the school dean
Long stares then the verdict
Dean Johnson Are you self destructing? No, let me be real…YOU are self destructing
Chance says school is not what he wants…he’s miserable…I’m here for all the wrong reasons
Dean asks you have a kid and a fiancé what is your plan your life plan
Work, save, buy some land by a lake and build my own home
Dean and how will you pay for it all assuming you don’t even have a job yet
Chance just glares at his assumption
Dean Johnson lectures him about needing successful kids like him in the community
Who says I won’t be successful?
Chance Its over…
Dean what’s over?
Chance this conversation
B Inciting Incident
Chance quits college
Leaves his books behind with Dean
Returns for his mechanics manual
Fiancé confronts him when he leaves kid alone to to go on job interview
Gets a job fixing cars
Chance now has a secret to hide
C Turning Point 1
Dad kills a home invader
The laws are not on his side
He goes to jail
Act 2:
A New plan
Chance promises his Mom he’ll take care of them
Carolina seems unsure of it
Chance works harder at work but the money isn’t enough
Fiancé lets him know she wants a better life and is taking a break with the kid
He has a rage filled outburst when they leave
Mom calms him and tells him about his grandfather the carpenter – built this house
Detective visits Callahan in jail with questions
Something peculiar STEPPED ON FOOT QUESTIONS
Calahan is out of his mind irritated with the system and blurts out everything but answers
a civil lawasuit for $1 million dollars I don’t have
My home is going into foreclosure
With my wife and family in it
And ur asking me about stepping on a foot!!
Im done! He walks off then yells back
They better not touch my hellcat!!
B Plan in Action
He picks up an onsite job on a construction site
Chances jobs starting to pay off savings is growing
He studies homebuilding in the little free time he has
He volunteers at Habitat to learn to build a house
Meets the Detective
Im Detective Wolski but Barry is good
Chance is startled to be chatting up the police
Detective eventually recognizes him as his brother
Questions him on a few things
Chance is startled to be chatting up the police
They both share their disdain with their jobs
They talk dreams and realize they are similar dreams
They jokingly make a plan to leave the city and build on a lake
They play a guessing game about their fav things and are amazed at similarities
They admire each other
Detective shows him his building manual
Chance’s spirit is lit on fire as he flips through it
Detective says keep it ill grab another one
Maybe you’ll learn enough to help me one day
C Turning Point 2. (MIDPOINT)
He gets fired for moonlighting the same day his night job gets stopped by the city inspector
Act 3:
A Rethink everything
Chance becomes a crook
Robbing, Stealing, Fencing, Scamming
Savings skyrockets
Detective Begins Investigating the crime spree
Between crimes… He helps an elderly man on a ladder fix his windows
Between crimes… When he sees a woman is buy cat food eating cat food he brings her groceries
Detective calls Judge Jones from streets
Tells him Callahan’s Judge Karen Dreyfus is not clean for this case
Says you might wanna look into it
B New plan
Chance learns about the Detective from TV news story as he preps for caper
Vows to Tighten up his routine and the overall plan
Fiancé follows him on a caper
He lets a victim go free with out taking from them
Fiancé calls him as he’s almost caught and guides him out of danger
Detective left high and dry at the scene
Judge Dryfus is forced to recuse herself
Judge Jones calls Detective cell with a short cryptic message
Thanks for the tip Detective she was definitely compromised friend of a friend’s rotten ass son
Detective thanks him for listening
Judge Jones rejects it having not done anything illegal
Detective right the law, trust the law
Judge Jones it works
Yeah but sometimes it needs oil change and a jump start or it’ll leave your ass stranded or run your ass over
Good day Detective
C Turning Point 3: Huge failure / Major shift
Detective gets an urgent text and rushes out the house
Detective is watching Chance
Sets him up good
Chance is arrested on 20 counts
Looking at 20-80 years in prison
Chance is in jail dejected as he paces in his small cell
Does push up, sit ups between going crazy
He runs in place
Time goes by and he now has a thick raggedy beard staring at the ceiling
Suddenly, he tears a few strips of his sheet
Braids them together slowly
Tests the strength of the long braid
Then ties a noose and drops it on the bed
He searches for a pencil then paper
But only finds his building manual
He whips to the dedication and finds a big blank spot on the page and rips it out
When he does he reads the first page of the manual
Its a motivational introduction that reads
“Build Your Dream Home & Change Your Lifestyle in 90 days”
Once again a fire is lit inside him
He urgently turns over the blank page and draws a sketch of what he plans to build
Then he reads voraciously
Act 4:
A Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Detective visits Callahan in jail for a few unanswered questions
They carry on like adversaries
Detective Delivers Chances Fate
Detective makes promise to do what he can to help
Dad says don’t worry about me just Chance
Before they part Detective reaches for dads hand
Dad squeezes back and says, I know…you are sorry, I know not your fault son
Dad says I’m sorry too
By the time Detective says for what
Dad shoves him away, calls him fuckin asshole and retreats calling on guards
Dads trial begins up to All Rise…
Judge Jones is announce and we see delight on Detective’s face
Judge then continues the harsh treatment that Judge Dryfus started
Dad calls Sergeant Antoni Mills (arresting officer) to the stand
Dad gets him to prove him not guilty through an exercise in the courtroom
Judge stops the hearing and rule it a mistrial
Dad and Detective share a moment from a distance
Then suddenly, dad walks across the room and hugs Detective and quickly part
The Prosecuting Attorney reluctantly answers his cell phone and says Yes Sir, No, Sir, UH yes
Detective leans back in an whispers something to Dad
Dad face grows with excitement and he tears up as Detective pats him on the shoulders
DA is cursing at his team over the phone then slams it shut
Phone rings immediately
His brother’s mother the ex DA pulls a favor and gets him out of jail around the same time as dad
Mr Claiborne right?
AG Claiborne, what can I do for you
This. Is her name you might remember me from our early days working in the same building on main?
Cant say I do, but what is your issue
My issue is that you have a very serious problem heading your way
And I need a favor
So maybe its no problem for you if you can help
Whoever this is I don’t have the time…
Under the floor boards of the janitor’s closet right down the hall from you
You will find a box of files
The box will read :…
Most of the files in the box with contain blank sheets of paper
But one of the files will be of great interest and value to you and your family and your freedom
When you find the box of files and walk down your dirty criminal memory lane
You will have an uncontrollable urge to set it on fire.
Feel free to do so…There are 2 more identical boxes in similar cleverly tucked away places
Ill call you tomorrow with a small favor you will be overjoyed to take care of for me
DA has the floor ripped up and sees a file box labeled “1 of 3 mf”
DA tells his staffer to get me on the AG’s lunch schedule and I mean today, just tell him I’m treating
B Resolution
Dads lawsuits are dropped and his finances and home are safe again
The 2 brothers are halfway done building their twin lake houses
Funny Barry introduces his girlfriend/fiance to Chance
Chance says please don’t tell me I have a sister too?
Yes you do
Chance yells for dad
Carolina joins Chance and intros herself to
Sister in law
She says soon to be sister in law
Chance oh shit congrats fam!!!
Dad and Mom visit them and bring a check to help them finish
Dad I sold the hellcat… not much but it’ll buy a shitload of lumber and nails and some shingles maybe
Dad once the lawsuit is reversed I can help you more
He turns to Barry and finishes his statement “Son”
Then to Chance “Son”
The two brothers simultaneously say the same thing “Dad, we’re good…”
Then they laugh at themselves
Chance we’re fuckin twins is what we are
Barry except I’m older
Chance you’re older?
The family all join in on the banter
Until they notice Mom walking over to Barri’s Mom
Everyone gets nervous, worried
Mom stops infant of her sitting regally in a wheelchair smoking a cigarette
They stare at each other
A long time goes by
Then Mom reaches out and hugs her tightly
Everyone exhales and smiles
Mom whispers Thank you as her tears well up
And I’m sorry for keeping them apart all this time
Sylvia WE kept them apart and Im sorry too, but that’s over now…they’re together, happy and young
Mom And we getting old AF
Sylvia SMDH girl
They both wipe their tears and sign
Mom points to cigarrette
Mom U got another one of them uhh…
Barry’s Mom “Sylvia” hell, sit down lets smoke the whole pack
Mom says as she sits next to her on a picnic bench
Oh, i see you’re bad as me, Huh!
Sylvia birds of a feather
As the rest of the family joins them and Dad and Barry take away their cigarettes
the view rises to reveal their majestic lakeside property with nothing but promise
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Jon’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is… that I have been writing without the tools that make writing easier, quicker and fun. This format is allowing me to quickly develop my story in great detail as well as in basic beats.
Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.
Give us the following:
Concept
After his father and provider gets convicted, a once innocent Chance Adams, without a worry in the world is suddenly thrust into the jaws of a lion (the real world). He now has to do what he’s never had to before…Survive…by hook or crook. He chooses crook.
Main Conflict
Detective Barry Jones won’t stop at anything to catch this new crook. The crimes are all in his own neighborhood, so its personal and his reputation is also at stake
Old Ways:
Not giving a shit about people
being irresponsible
being what his dad loathes
having nothing
being full of rage and confusion
New Ways:
genuinely caring about people
being responsible
being more of what his dad would have wanted
owning a home and a business just like his dad
conquering his rage and learning where it came from.
2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
A Opening
The beginning of the day for main characters
Chance sees homestead billboard on the way to law school CARE FREE
Its where…
Detective volunteers for habitat for humanity
Dad lectures young lawyers in his office on power of details
Fiancé gets kids off to school on her way to work EXHAUSTED
Retired Mom sips her coffee and slides her a few dollars and a coffee to go THEN fires up a cig
Chance urgently traverses the school campus…surveying it like he taking it all in
Detective tries to sneak by Judge Jones (you ignoring me?) SMDH
Chance walks the hallways at school to a locker and empties it
Suddenly summoned into and admin office by the school dean
Long stares then the verdict
Dean Johnson Are you self destructing? No, let me be real…YOU are self destructing
Chance says school is not what he wants…he’s miserable…I’m here for all the wrong reasons
Dean Johnson gives him piece of mind about needing successful kids like him in the community
Who says I won’t be successful?
B Inciting Incident
Chance quits college
Leaves his books behind with Dean
Returns for his mechanics manual
Gets a job fixing cars
Chance now has a secret to hide
C Turning Point 1
Dad kills a home invader
The laws are not on his side
He goes to jail
Act 2:
A New plan
Chance promises his Mom he’ll take care of them
Carolina seems unsure of it
Chance works harder at work but the money isn’t enough
Detective visits Callahan in jail with questions
Something peculiar STEPPED ON FOOT QUESTIONS
Calahan is out of his mind irritated with the system and blurts out everything but answers
a civil lawasuit for $1 million dollars I don’t have
My home is going into foreclosure
With my wife and family in it
And ur asking me about stepping on a foot!!
Im done! He walks off then yells back
They better not touch my hellcat!!
B Plan in Action
He picks up an onsite job on a construction site
Chances jobs starting to pay off savings is growing
He studies homebuilding in the little free time he has
He volunteers at Habitat to learn to build a house
Meets the Detective
Im Detective Wolski but Barry is good
Chance is startled to be chatting up the police
Detective eventually recognizes him as his brother
Questions him on a few things
Chance is startled to be chatting up the police
They both share their disdain with their jobs
They talk dreams and realize they are similar dreams
They jokingly make a plan to leave the city and build on a lake
They play a guessing game about their fav things and are amazed at similarities
They admire each other
Detective shows him his building manual
Chance is spirit is lit on fire as he flips through it
Detective says keep it ill grab another one
Maybe you’ll learn enough to help me one day
C Turning Point 2. (MIDPOINT)
He gets fired for moonlighting the same day his night job gets stopped by the city inspector
Act 3:
A Rethink everything
Chance becomes a crook
Robbing, Stealing, Fencing, Scamming
Savings skyrockets
Detective Begins Investigating the crime spree
Detective calls Judge Jones from streets
Tells him Callahan’s Judge Karen Dreyfus is not clean for this case
Says you might wanna look into it
B New plan
Chance learns about the Detective from TV news stories
Tightens up his routine and the overall plan
Judge Dryfus is forced to recuse herself
Judge Jones calls Detective cell with a short cryptic message
Thanks for the tip Detective she was definitely compromised friend of a friend’s rotten ass son
Detective thanks him for listening
Judge Jones rejects it having not done anything illegal
Detective right the law, trust the law
Judge Jones it works
Yeah but sometimes it needs oil change and a jump start or it’ll leave your ass stranded or run your ass over
Good day Detective
C Turning Point 3: Huge failure / Major shift
Detective gets an urgent text and rushes out the house
Detective is watching Chance
Sets him up good
Chance is arrested on 20 counts
Looking at 20-80 years in prison
Chance is dejected as he paces in his small cell
Does push up, sit ups between going crazy
He runs in place
Time goes by and he now has a thick raggedy beard staring at the ceiling
Suddenly, he tears a few strips of his sheet
Braids them together slowly
Tests the strength of the long braid
Then ties a noose and drops it on the bed
He searches for a pencil then paper
But only finds his building manual
He whips to the dedication and finds a big blank spot on the page and rips it out
When he does he reads the first page of the manual
Its a motivational introduction that reads
“Build Your Dream Home & Change Your Lifestyle in 90 days”
Once again a fire is lit inside him
He urgently turns over the blank page and draws a sketch of what he plans to build
Then he reads voraciously
Act 4:
A Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Detective visits Callahan in jail for a few unanswered questions
They carry on like adversaries
Detective Delivers Chances Fate
Detective makes promise to do what he can to help
Dad says don’t worry about me just Chance
Before they part Detective reaches for dads hand
Dad squeezes back and says, I know…you are sorry, I know not your fault son
Dad says I’m sorry too
By the time Detective says for what
Dad shoves him away, calls him fuckin asshole and retreats calling on guards
Dads trial begins up to All Rise…
Judge Jones is announce and we see delight on Detective’s face
Judge then continues the harsh treatment that Judge Dryfus started
Dad calls Sergeant Antoni Mills (arresting officer) to the stand
Dad gets him to prove him not guilty through an exercise in the courtroom
Judge stops the hearing and rule it a mistrial
Dad and Detective share a moment from a distance
Then suddenly, dad walks across the room and hugs Detective and quickly part
The Prosecuting Attorney reluctantly answers his cell phone and says Yes Sir, No, Sir, UH yes
Detective leans back in an whispers something to Dad
Dad face grows with excitement and he tears up as Detective pats him on the shoulders
DA is cursing at his team over the phone then slams it shut
Phone rings immediately
His brother’s mother the ex DA pulls a favor and gets him out of jail around the same time as dad
Mr Claiborne right?
AG Claiborne, what can I do for you
This. Is her name you might remember me from our early days working in the same building on main?
Cant say I do, but what is your issue
My issue is that you have a very serious problem heading your way
And I need a favor
So maybe its no problem for you if you can help
Whoever this is I don’t have the time…
Under the floor boards of the janitor’s closet right down the hall from you
You will find a box of files
The box will read :…
Most of the files in the box with contain blank sheets of paper
But one of the files will be of great interest and value to you and your family and your freedom
When you find the box of files and walk down your dirty criminal memory lane
You will have an uncontrollable urge to set it on fire.
Feel free to do so…There are 2 more identical boxes in similar cleverly tucked away places
Ill call you tomorrow with a small favor you will be overjoyed to take care of for me
DA has the floor ripped up and sees a file box labeled “1 of 3 mf”
DA tells his staffer to get me on the AG’s lunch schedule and I mean today, just tell him I’m treating
B Resolution
Dads lawsuits are dropped and his finances and home are safe again
The 2 brothers are halfway done building their twin lake houses
Funny Barry introduces his girlfriend/fiance to Chance
Chance says please don’t tell me I have a sister too?
Yes you do
Chance yells for dad
Carolina joins Chance and intros herself to
Sister in law
She says soon to be sister in law
Chance oh shit congrats fam!!!
Dad and Mom visit them and bring a check to help them finish
Dad I sold the hellcat… not much but it’ll buy a shitload of lumber and nails and some shingles maybe
Dad once the lawsuit is reversed I can help you more
He turns to Barry and finishes his statement “Son”
Then to Chance “Son”
The two brothers simultaneously say the same thing “Dad, we’re good…”
Then they laugh at themselves
Chance we’re fuckin twins is what we are
Barry except I’m older
Chance you’re older?
The family all join in on the banter
Until they notice Mom walking over to Barri’s Mom
Everyone gets nervous, worried
Mom stops infant of her sitting regally in a wheelchair smoking a cigarette
They stare at each other
A long time goes by
Then Mom reaches out and hugs her tightly
Everyone exhales and smiles
Mom whispers Thank you as her tears well up
And I’m sorry for keeping them apart all this time
Sylvia WE kept them apart and Im sorry too, but that’s over now…they’re together, happy and young
Mom And we getting old AF
Sylvia SMDH girl
They both wipe their tears and sign
Mom points to cigarrette
Mom U got another one of them uhh…
Barry’s Mom “Sylvia” hell, sit down lets smoke the whole pack
Mom says as she sits next to her on a picnic bench
Oh, i see you’re bad as me, Huh!
Sylvia birds of a feather
As the rest of the family joins them and Dad and Barry take away their cigarettes
the view rises to reveal a majestic lakeside property with nothing but promise
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Jon’s Character Interviews
What I learned doing this assignment is… that Chance and Barry have very similar qualities and traits. That both characters humor will lighten the drama a bit. That the things they have in common may very well create a bond between them. That Barry may save Chance in the end. Also, the background stories are coming together and weaving through the various characters journeysk well. I can see the story much clearer now. Lastly this format has shown me how to control my brainstorming…little notes and save the details for the assignments.
PROAGONIST INTERVIEW CHANCE ADAMS
Tell me about yourself.
I am not a bad person
I love my kids more than anything
I grew up in a happy family and I want that for my kids
I love my fiancé and absolutely planned to pop the question before my dad’s situation
I love pistaccios, but the shells I leave around pisses everyone off
I love to cook and see people happy eating
I have developed a temper recently with all that is going on
I would have never thought id see myself transform in the way I have in such a short time
Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?
My kids, fiancé and mom need someone to be strong
I was the only choice available
Life is like that sometimes
You are up against <the Antagonist>. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?
He seems very smart and cunning when I see him on tv
He seems very capable of catching me
I can feel him watching and following me, but I can’t see him doing it
I feel I can’t avoid him with each day that passes
Maybe I’m just paranoid knowing the bad things I’ve done
I cannot afford to be caught…I cannot imagine what my kids would go through…look at how I ended up under the stress and pressure of my dads demise.
In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?
I have to amass as much cash as I can quickly and get out and disappear from his trail
The truth is…I don’t see an out for me. Theres never enough money to get anywhere doing this…there’s always only enough to get by…then the cycle starts over
When I look at my kids smile with a belly full of food and a roof over their head it makes me think of how my father was able to provide all of that legitimately…That makes me feel terrible
With no degree and being a self taught mechanic, the most difficult change would be giving a regular job a shot. It would never provide what they are accustomed to
It makes me realize just how successful my dad was and I want to be that too
What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?
Dropping those damned pistaccio shells!
No…the quick and easy money would be the hardest to let go of. I really never had to work for things in life…just be good, go to school and try to achieve…that’s all dad and mom required
What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?
Fear of failing…again, because I feel I wasted a degree in criminology trying to follow and please my dad
Being a bit spoiled left me insecure about being able to be successful in a job. I knew I always had my parents to fall back on…one of the reasons I still live in their house
What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
Im good at getting people to trust me before I drop the scam on them
I can hot wire and steal any vehicle in 2 seconds…
I can pose as a Good Samaritan with tools coming to your aid before jacking you for cash
I also work with lots of metal parts so I am able to remove a serial number from a gun, build a custom silencer and customize just about anything…I’m fuckin brilliant at that shit
I’m also pretty disciplined at planning my side jobs as a mechanic. You have to be able to change how you are building things when your original plan hits the brick wall
If I do my part right…there will be no face to face with the antagonist
I am pretty disciplined at planning my side jobs as a mechanic. You have to be able to change how you are building things when your original plan hits the brick wall
What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?
I don’t want anyone to know that I’m grifting.
It would break my mom’s heart
End my relationship with my fiancé
And just kill my dad
I also don’t want them to know how weak I am
What a loser I am
How lazy I am doing the easy hustle instead of hunkering down on a job
What do you think of <the Antagonist>?
Just that he seems smart
He seems friendly too…like someone id be friends with
I think he’s crazy if he thinks I’m gonna let him catch me
Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
My dad followed the law all his like and taught us to do the same.
Then the law turned on him
It scared me and shook me to my core
I swear I am suffering mentally from it right now
But I’m not a doctor…I’m not anything really
I was a good son, a so so father to my kids
I really have never given my fiancé the reason to say yes if I did pop the question
When I look at her I see mostly my fear of growing up and being responsible
Its easier to play video games with my kids to escape spending time and opening up to her
What does it do for your life is you succeed here?
Probably hold off the inevitable of going to jail just a little longer
Its not a win win
I have to figure out a way to be successful and prosperous soon
ANTAGONIST INTERVIEW BARRY JONES
Tell me about yourself.
I am pretty type A
Something deep inside seems to alway rise up and kill my relationships
Haven’t figured that out yet
I am expert marksman
I am like Clint Eastwood when it comes to confrontation and conflict
I never have a lack of confidence or courage
Sometimes I just want something to happen so that I can fight my way through my frustration
My temper get the best of me sometimes
Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?
I am a relentless professional
I have lots of experience at detective work
I have lots of solved cases under my belt
I have people in high places when I need them
I do not have the ability to give up or lose gracefully
Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?
I am consumed by justice
I want everyone accountable
The Protagonist winning would reflect badly on my career and reputation
What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?
I feel better…safer…a since of accomplishment
My neighbors will be ecstatic
I get my dad back
What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?
I cannot fail my dad, my community
It would tear at the fabric of who I am
My dad is always happy to see me on tv doing the perp walk
What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?
Nobody can know he’s my dad
Until the time is right
That id rather build a house than solve a crime
Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?
Nothing that I know of
What do you think of <the Protagonist>?
He is damned cunning and careful
We both like pistachios
He’s a damn fool if he thinks he’ll be free much longer
Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
I am the illegitimate child of my dad and my mom’s secret relationship
My dads wife does not allow hime to see me or accept me
My mom was a powerful DA when they had the affair
I know of my brother but don’t know him
He doesn’t know me… yet
I am trying behind the scenes of an investigation to help my dad
I am trying to be there for him in prison as well
I believe he is technically guilty
But also not guilty in terms of his intent during the home invasion
Dad got caught up in the momen
I keep telling him LAWYER UP AND SHUT UP
Of course the brilliant one won’t listen
What does it do for your life is you succeed here?
I would be reunited with my dad/brother
My neighborhood would be safe
My reputation would be in tact
Id be on a new road to a more rewarding life as a builder
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Jon’s Character Profile Part 2
What I learned doing this assignment is…that I do not need to have all the answers and detail about characters at this point, I just need to explore their characteristics. That all the traits, values and flaws and all will show up in the characters actions and dialogue.
What draws us to this character? A once innocent kid without a worry in the world is suddenly thrust into the jaws of a lion (the real world). He now has to do what he’s never had to before…Survive.
Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
PROTAGONIST:
Runner
Dreamer
Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
ANTAGONIST:
Authority
What other characters might be necessary?
OTHER CHARACTERS:
Supporting characters: Dad, Mom, Fiance, 2 kids, Adoptive Dad, Adoptive Brother
Minor roles: Not sure
Background characters: Not sure
Pick your genre.
Hero
Action
Drama
Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
Role in the story: individual lost in traumatic circumstance
Age range and Description: 20 or 30 something, physically fit…very handsome and attractive
Internal Journey: From feeling vulnerable financially and emotionally to feeling secure in those ways in the end
External Journey: From being a two bit hustler to becoming a homeowner and business owner
Motivation: Recovering from his dad’s financial demise
Wound: Seeing his dad fail, thinking he too will fail
Mission/Agenda: Not to fail himself, children, mother, fiancé and FATHER
Secret: He hides his criminal activities from his family
What makes them special? His extreme love for his kids and family
Traits: Brilliant, vulnerable, intense, risk taker, charming, funny, self deprecating
Subtext: He hides his fear of succeeding by leaning into his criminality
Flaw: He lies, his disbelief in a good future, his bad temper,
Values: Loyalty, blind courage, strong belief in family, has a new found ambition
Irony: He has no real experience at surviving, He has to hurt others to keep his kids from hurting, All the years of watching his dad follow the law and then to see the law break his dad.
What makes this the right character for this role? His abject lack of experience and responsibility. He can get out of his own way and that creates conflict
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Jon’s Character Profiles Part 1
Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
PROTAGONIST:
Runner
DreamerPick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
ANTAGONIST:
Authority
What other characters might be necessary?
OTHER CHARACTERS:
Supporting characters: Dad, Mom, Fiance, 2 kids, Adoptive Dad, Adoptive Brother
Minor roles: Not sure
Background characters: Not surePick your genre.
Hero
Action
DramaFill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
Role in the story: individual lost in traumatic circumstance
Age range and Description: 20 or 30 something, physically fit…very handsome and attractive
Internal Journey: Feeling terrible about his criminal ways to feeling great about achieving things legally.
External Journey: From being a two bit hustler to becoming a homeowner and business owner
Motivation: Recovering from his dad’s financial demise
Wound: Seeing his dad fail, thinking he too will fail
Mission/Agenda: Not to fail himself, children, mother, fiancé and FATHER
Secret: He realizes how smart he really is and how capable he is to overcome his doldrums
What makes them special? Surprisingly he has a breaking point when it comes to criminality.Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
I’ve learned that I have been missing this kind of process, curriculum and forum that obviously makes for a successful writing process!
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Jon’s Character Profiles Part 1
Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
PROTAGONIST:
Runner
DreamerPick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.
ANTAGONIST:
Authority
What other characters might be necessary?
OTHER CHARACTERS:
Supporting characters: Dad, Mom, Fiance, 2 kids, Adoptive Dad, Adoptive Brother
Minor roles: Not sure
Background characters: Not surePick your genre.
Hero
Action
DramaFill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.
Role in the story: individual lost in traumatic circumstance
Age range and Description: 20 or 30 something, physically fit…very handsome and attractive
Internal Journey: Feeling terrible about his criminal ways to feeling great about achieving things legally.
External Journey: From being a two bit hustler to becoming a homeowner and business owner
Motivation: Recovering from his dad’s financial demise
Wound: Seeing his dad fail, thinking he too will fail
Mission/Agenda: Not to fail himself, children, mother, fiancé and FATHER
Secret: He realizes how smart he really is and how capable he is to overcome his doldrums
What makes them special? Surprisingly he has a breaking point when it comes to criminality.Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
I’ve learned that I have been missing this kind of process, curriculum and forum that obviously makes for a successful writing process!
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Jon’s Transitional Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is that I love screenwriting. It is something that even this first assignment reconfirms that I am a good writer who needs more tools and the sharpening of his craft. I learned that a good character arc is the reason that I watch Man On Fire over and over. People love to be taken on a journey. They WANT to like the main character and his ARC. That filling in the middle between the beginning and end of the transformational journey is just the How and What and that makes writing easier.I learned that knowing my own transformational journey and that of others will help me be more success full at writing my own screenplay. I was surprised to learn that an analogy like dieting and weight lose is so very like any character’s journey. If I use the tools presented, I will write faster and more effectively.
\Who is my Hero:
My hero’s name is Chance (short for Chancellor). He was named by his father, who was a lawyer, before he was convicted of murder for killing the intruder during a home invasion – and not retreating as the law requires. Chance went to great schools, never wanted for anything and had immense promise up to that traumatic day in this life. With two toddlers of his own and overwhelming bills related to civil lawsuits and the now failed practice, Chance struggles to get by financially, on top of struggling emotionally. In this new state of being, he doesn’t make good decisions. He turns to the streets to make money and the streets are meaner than he could imagine. But, he has to do what he has to do. As a result of all of this madness, his mother loses her grip on reality and his fiancé decides she can’t handle who he has become.
Transformation:
Chance puts his sad criminal behavior behind him and builds a happy and prosperous life using his brain.
Internal Journey:
Feeling terrible about his criminal ways to feeling great about achieving things legally.
External Journey:
From being a two bit hustler to becoming a homeowner and business owner
Old Ways:
Not giving a shit about people, being what his dad loathes, having nothing, being full of rage and confusion,.
New Ways:
genuinely caring about people, being just what his dad would have wanted, owning a home and a business just like his dad, conquering his rage and learning where it came from.
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I’m Jon Parks. I’ve written several scripts. Wanna wrangle the basics once again and increase writing speed. Something unusual about me?… I was hit by a car at age 8 and I was a producer and editor for 2 U.S. Presidential candidates in a single year.
Ok, one of them actually won.