Jonathan Marballi
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<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Jon’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is how an Act outline can help give you a sense of how much time there is to fill inside an act, which is a good test to see if your turning points are big / dramatic enough.
Title: Pretty Good One
Concept: When an old, married, high school friend shows up at Harsh’s door a day early and without her husband, the two of them discover a renewed chemistry bringing into question where they’ve arrived in life and where they’re heading next.
Main Conflict: Can a married woman figure out if her old best friend is actually her soulmate in the span of twenty-four hours, without betraying her husband?
Act 1 (25 – 30 pages)…
Opening:
-Harsh is settling his uncle’s affairs and getting acquainted with the farm.
-Madline is reading self-help (and / or psych papers on love, maybe visiting a grad school)
-Madeline and her husband are supposed to visit Harsh while they’re in the US
Inciting Incident:
-Madeline and her husband are supposed to visit for the weekend (Friday – Sunday)
Turning Point:
-Madeline shows up alone, sans husband.
Act 2 (20 – 30 pages)…
Reaction:
-They’re completely and utterly professional with each other. Madeline pushes the envelope a bit / breaks the ice (maybe finds their old letters and reads from them)
The Plan:
-They sight-see a bit, around the town, around the farm. She wants to swim in the “crick” (is there one?). More intimate.
-They watch Sliding doors
-They cook dinner together
Turning Point 2:
-Harsh realizes what Madeline’s up to. (she nit-picks an answer he gives and they argue, causing him to figure it out, she reveals her plan, then “so what, If my answers are right you leave your husband?” / “No, maybe, yes.”)
Act 3 (20 – 30 pages)…
New plan:
-Let’s do the 36 questions (https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html)
-Is this cheating? / Emotionally, but it’s not an affair, so I think we’re good.
Turning Point:
Staring into each other’s eyes for 5 minutes as recommended by the 36 questions
Act 4 (25 pages)…
Climax:
Madeline’s husband shows up. It’s an awkward triangle. She tests the husband in front of Harsh. The husband fails.
Resolution:
Harsh and Madeline both decide she should be with her husband. To trust her gut and everything she’s put into it. (how do they get alone? send him to get a pregnancy test or something, he can borrow Harsh’s car), they have a final convo in the light of day.
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Surface Layer: Madeline forgot how much of a crush Harsh had on her. (comfortable with nudity or whatever)
Beneath That: She remembers deeply.
How Revealed: She teases him about it when they make dinner. (Or asks to watch “Sliding Doors?” / “we never go to see it together like you wanted…”)
Surface Layer: Madeline asking Harsh larger / more philosophical questions
Beneath That: Madeline’s actually questioning her chosen husband.
How Revealed: Harsh gives an answer that was different than her husband’s and it surprises her / knocks her off kilter a bit.
Surface Layer: Harsh is taking care of business (settling uncle’s affairs, etc) OR Harsh is asking big, existential questions (what will be here in 100 years?)
Beneath That: He’s given up on any semblance of the life he dreamed of.
How Revealed: Madeline puts it together from his answers.
What I learned from this assignment is a bunch of useful angles to approach layers from, and how shaping an idea or moment as a layer can help inject it with drama.
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Jon’s Character Journeys!
What I learned doing this assignment: How useful it is to try to outline from a character’s point of view vs from the “story’s” point of view.
– HARSH (Protagonist) –
Beginning: Cancelling his uncle’s recurring appointments with his masseuse. (Would the dairy barn’s customers be on hold for mourning or something?)
Turning Point: Gets a phone call from Madeline, she’s coming up a day early without her husband.
Midpoint: He feels comfortable enough to share how he feels his life has gone off the rails and he’s now entirely at sea.
Turning Point 2: He figures out what she’s up to (i.e.: sussing out soulmate status w/ the “36 questions”), building to 5 mins of staring
Dilemma: Breaking up her marriage or losing out on the love of his life
3rd Act Climax: Her husband arrives.
Ending: Setting up a Tinder profile as he milks a cow / settles in on starting up this new business / Harsh on a local date.
– MADELINE (Antagonist) –
Beginning: Setting up some sort of small plan / task to get the fire going again. (i.e.: the first stimulus)
Turning Point: Calls Harsh and asks if it’s okay if she comes up a day early without her husband, and he says “yes.”
Midpoint: She feels comfortable enough to share how dry her life has felt and how she partly blames her marriage.
Turning Point 2: She tips her hat too much and Harsh realizes what she’s up to (i.e.: sussing out soulmate status w/ the “36 questions”), building to 5 mins of staring
Dilemma: Doubling down on an old bet (her husband) vs placing a new bet (on Harsh)
3rd Act Climax: Her husband arrives.
Ending: Chickening out and going back with her husband.
NOTES:
“36 Questions” – https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/style/modern-love-to-fall-in-love-with-anyone-do-this.html
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Jon’s Character Depth!
2. Character Profiles
— HARSH (Protagonist) —
Motivation: Needs a new direction / something that re-lights his fire. / Fear that he might just be ordinary (he can see his uncle’s life)
Secret: She knows I had a crush on her, but has no idea how deep that ran (e.g. running to train to catch her)
Wound: Romance has burned him, whether it was work related or woman related.
Subtext: He hides his vulnerability with humor and turning questions around on people.
Layers: So many innocuous moments with Madeline meant so much to him. (he also repeated the gestures for other girls)
Hidden Agenda: He has decided to not let himself fall for her all over again and to just be normal because she’s married.
— MADELINE (Antagonist) —
Motivation: Wants passion, has a fire within her, just needs some tinder to burn.
Secret: She’s doubting her marriage, she’s worried she made the “safe” choie.
Wound: A distrust of romance (divorced parents?). (e.g.: with compliments, “You’re putting that on me”)
Subtext: She shies away form passion by playing things down.
Layers: She’s never thought of herself as being extraordinary at anything.
Hidden Agenda: She’s made herself open to whatever happens.
Intrigue: She is trying to assess if Harsh is actually her soulmate.
3. Possible conflicts:
-Harsh counters her negative self-talk by pointing out how exciting aspects of her life are and actually convinces her, souring her a bit on him for a bit
-Harsh convinces her she’s extraordinary in certain ways
-Madeline tips her hand at some point, revealing to Harsh what she’s up to (re: determining if they’re soulmates)
-Madeline justifies the advances she’s making given that she’s married and her and Harsh butt heads over the ethics of it
4. In doing this exercise I learned how to articulate aspects of my characters that I felt but hadn’t quite brought to the surface. It also forced me to try to justify some of the emotions that I had envisioned them exhibiting. I do think I need to refine these to be a bit simpler / more concise like the Locke example though.
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Jon’s Right Characters!
1. Hook & Setting: What if two old friends had 24 hours to figure out if they were soulmates? / Harsh’s uncle’s dairy barn
2. Characters…
Harsh:
-Is a creative thinker and a romantic who has let the world turn him into a cold nihilist.
-Tends to spiral.
-Is trying to “take it slow” for the first time in his life.
Madeline:
-Has never been too much of a romantic / has always had a low bar for passion
-Is panicking about her lack of enthusiasm because of her age
-She’s a questioner who always thinks about the road not taking (which is why she loved the movie “Sliding Doors” in high school)
3. Thinking about the conflict that hook creates, how does each main character enhance that conflict?
-He’s calmer and she’s activated
-He’s chill and she’s in a bit more of a rush
-She’s looking to him for romance and that flame is dead
4. Tell us what makes these characters the “right ones” for this story?
-They’re strangers in a strange land (a dairy barn that neither of them are super familiar with), which creates a bubble for them
-Their timing with each other is off, per usual in their relationship, but they’re older now so the dance can move more quickly
5. What I learned doing this assignment is…?
-My brain doesn’t quite know how to do this type of “arithmetic” yet.
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Jon’s Great Hook
A. How did this process work for you?
I found the structure of the different types of hooks to be extremely helpful in trying to shape hooks from within my premises.
B. What did you learn doing this assignment?”
I learned that you don’t necessarily need to start with the hook as the idea in order to have a hook. That it’s possible to have a broader idea or topic and discover a hook within it.
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What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how changing something early on can improve later beats but also illustrate that some of the later beats might not need to change as much as you’d expect, which reinforces the idea that some of them might already be working.
Logline:
Head On (fka Just Drive) – After a promotion at work and a major breakup send two friends into simultaneous identity crises they decide that tracking down their old car from college might be the best way to reconnect with each other and themselves.
(FIRST DRAFT)
Main Conflict:
Two friends try to help each other out of identity crises by tracking down their old car.
Opening:
Ruth, unsure why she’s upset, playing Daytona alone in an arcade while Dinesh stoically looks at shirtless guys on Instagram while his now ex-gf packs up her stuff.
Inciting Incident:
Ruth has a panic attack while meeting with her and Scott’s wedding photographer.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Ruth trying to get to the bottom of whatever her mental / emotional block is.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
After talking to her therapist Ruth realizes how much her old car meant to her and how it might be the best way to get back to who she was.
Mid-Point:
Ruth and Dinesh have revelations (he hooks up with a guy and she visits her late dad’s old auto shop and believes he’s the reason she’s on this journey)
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
They feel confident enough to break into the tow-truck impound lot to find the car there.
Crisis:
They nearly get arrested after breaking in and learn that the car must not have sold at auction and must be at the scrap-yard.
Climax:
They watch the car get torn to smithereens by the Fire Department’s jaws-of-life demo.
Resolution:
A year later Ruth is happily married and her and Scott meet up with Dinesh who’s with a new woman but far more confident.
(REVISION STEP)
Brainstorm List:
-The first beat isn’t stereotypical per se, but it is too vague
(SECOND DRAFT)
Main Conflict:
Two friends try to help each other out of identity crises by tracking down their old car.
Opening:
Ruth, in tears, shares news of a major promotion with her fiancee. Dinesh, in tears, decides that he needs to break up with Stacy.
Inciting Incident:
Ruth visits Dinesh and they loll around their old campus and have a heart-to-heart at their old spot in the mountains. Ruth takes one of their old mix-CDs, that she sees in Dinesh’s car. They both miss who they used to be and the key was the car.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
The two of them trying to reconnect with themselves by reconnecting with each other.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
Ruth manages to find out where the woman Dinesh sold the car to lives and she drags him along for a stake-out.
Mid-Point:
Dinesh explores his sexuality on a date with the PI and Ruth sprints around the old race-track, realizing this is probably all about her relationship with her late father and having not confronted it head on in her life.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
They feel confident enough to break into the tow-truck impound lot to find the car there.
Crisis:
They nearly get arrested after breaking in and learn that the car must not have sold at auction and must be at the scrap-yard.
Climax:
They watch the car get torn to smithereens by the Fire Department’s jaws-of-life demo.
Resolution:
They’ve named Dinesh’s current car. Ruth asks Dinesh to be her officiant. Dinesh doesn’t know who he’ll date next. Ruth doesn’t know if she’ll keep her job. But they both know they know themselves better and, worst case, “we do this again in ten years.”
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Assignment #1:
All five of my ideas were written with a single-location in mind so it is possible to tell any of them as contained stories, but after working on Assignment #2 it was becoming clear to me that certain stories to lend themselves to a “contained” structure better than others.
In terms of being able to write a pitch in a sentence or two I have that usual problem where the idea I’m most infatuated with is the hardest one to encapsulate in one to two sentences because it’s kind of all over the place. But a handful of these could be expressed that succinctly I think.
Initially when I asked myself if there was something unique about any of my ideas my first response, after reading through the examples of “Alien” and “A Quiet Place,” was “no.” But after thinking about a bit I think posing this question has helped me shape how the uniqueness of my short list of ideas might be more clearly expressed. So, I guess, yes, there is something unique.
Assignment #2:
TITLE: Wag the Dog
AS THEY DID IT:
A. People: Several white house staff, a Hollywood producer, musicians in Nashville, a maximum security prisoner, secret service, and others.
B. Stunts: Nothing really. Someone gets shot but it happens off-screen so it’s a sound effect.
C. Extras: A medium amount to fill out certain locations (e.g.: restaurants, airports, etc)
D. Wardrobe: Mostly professional / business casual / travel-wear, a few unexpected costumes (e.g.: quirky musician outfits + a prison jumpsuit)
E. Hair and Make Up: Nothing crazy, very natural.
F. Kids and Animals: Nope.
G. Quarantine: I’m not sure exactly what to put here to be honest.
COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:
A. People: The main characters could stay the same (though I’d pare the cast down a bit). You could have a political consultant, someone who works for the president, a Hollywood producer, musicians, etc.
B. Stunts: No stunts, just sound effects.
C. Extras: If the entire thing is set in a warehouse of airplane hangar or some office complex the need for extras could be entirely eliminated.
D. Wardrobe: We could cast according to personality. Most people have business-casual wear and for the quirkier outfits we could cast musicians who dress quirky in their every day lives, and we can probably acquire a fake prison jumpsuit.
E. Hair and Make Up: No serious needs.
F. Kids and Animals: No serious needs.
G. Quarantine: No serious needs.
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1. Hi everyone, my name’s Jonathan Marballi and I’m a professional actor and new-ish screenwriter.
2. I’ve written and produced two short rom-com films, and have written thriller feature and a thriller-comedy pilot that both placed in a few contents. I’m now working on a couple of low-budget feature scripts as vehicles for my acting career.
3. I’m hoping to get some well-shaped feature ideas out of the class in addition to maybe one rough draft of a script.
4. I’m from the US but grew up abroad for most of my adolescence, primarily in East and Southeast Asia.
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Jonathan Marballi. I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Jon’s Logline & One Page Synopsis
What I learned during this assignment was how hard it is to distill my story to its core elements in a way that sounds compelling.
Title: Just Drive (Platonic rom-com / road movie)
Logline…
After a promotion at work and a major breakup send two friends into simultaneous identity crises they decide that tracking down their old car from college might be the best way to reconnect with each other and themselves.
Synopsis…
Ruth and Dinesh are two best friends from college who have let themselves slowly drift apart over the years due to separate geography, careers, and relationships. Ruth is in the process of planning her upcoming wedding when she’s offered a huge promotion at work and Dinesh is in the midst of a major breakup with the most serious, but toxic, girlfriend he’s ever had. Instead of feeling elated by the promotion Ruth feels absolutely crushed by the opportunity, and instead of feeling relieved by his newfound freedom Dinesh feels worried that he’s gay and has been repressing it his entire life.
Unsure of how to climb out of her despair, Ruth pays Dinesh a visit and they roam around their old campus trying to find their way back to the open, impulsive, adventurous people they were before unknowingly selling their souls and becoming corporate drones. As Ruth recounts her day to her fiancee Scott she reminisces about her old car, a red Toyota Celica that had been a gift from her late father. Scott decides it might be a fun surprise to try and track the old car down as a gift but when he comes up short Ruth impulsively kicks into gear and convinces Dinesh to join her on the hunt.
Their search takes them through grocery store parking lots, suburban stakeouts, bisexual private investigators, junkyards, firehouses and more, ultimately bring them back in touch, more deeply than ever before, with each other and themselves.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Jonathan Marballi.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Jonathan Marballi.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Jonathan Marballi. I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Jon’s Project(s) and Market(s)…
Please bear with me, I took three different stabs at this.
Genre: Action Thriller
Title: BlackCar
Concept: An app-based driver for a rich clientele goes on a murder spree to prove a point about those who live in undeserved wealth, and a young couple who own a successful start-up are his next passengers.
What is most attractive about the story: It takes two cultural issues that have tremendous anxiety around them, the unchecked power of Silicon Valley and the seemingly uncontrollable rash of gun violence, and explores them through a classic 90’s style action/thriller story.
Which you will target FIRST: Producers or Actor’s production company as it’s a small cast, creating a lot of room for the leads to shine, and likely a low budget (under $1 mil).
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Genre: Comedic Thriller
Title: Phelandra
Concept: When a retired man’s obsession with caring for his new exotic plant begins to threaten his marriage, his wife hires a down-on-his-luck tutor to assasinate the plant.
What is most attractive about the story: Instead of being about watching relationships fall apart it’s really a Hitchcockian farce that’s ultimately about the lengths people will go to to save relationships that they care about.
Which you will target FIRST: Producers or Actor’s production company since the roles of the older couple are quite dynamic and a bit more rare for actors of a certain age.
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Genre: Comedic Drama
Title: Cecily
Concept: A woman decides that in order to solidify her sense of self before her wedding day she must track down her old college car with her best friend from college, who’s questioning his sexuality after coming off of a failed four year relationship of his own.
What is most attractive about the story: It’s a second coming of age story that isn’t about “cold feet” as much as it is about securing your emotional foundation before boldly stepping into the next phase of life.
Which you will target FIRST: Producers or Actor’s production company as it’s a low-budget script with a strong female lead.
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What I learned today is how important a skill it is to be able to describe your story in a way that’s not simply describing what happens in the plot.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Jonathan Marballi.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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I’m Jon Marballi. I’m primarily a (mostly comedic) actor who is currently based in New York City. I’ve written on and off for years but started taking it more seriously about 7 years ago. I mostly write for myself and have written and produced two short films (“This Is That Night” and “Uber Ex”), one limited-series pilot (“Phelandra”, CoverFly Red List), and one action feature (“BlackCar”, ScreenCraft Action Thriller quarter-finalist).
I’m not sure how I ended up on the Screenwriting U email list but I started taking some of their free Friday classes and really got a lot out of them. Last Friday’s really resonated with me. My last two project titles have been proper nouns that tell you nothing about the script, I’m completely incompetent when it comes to hooks and high concept premises, and I’m just terrible at marketing my own work. So I guess what I’m hoping to get out of this class is improvement in all of those areas.
With regards to something unique / special / strange / unusual… I grew up as an American in Asia in the 90s, which was cool, and I got busted in seventh grade for trying to pirate and sell VHS copies of “Species.” That was the beginning and end of my criminal career.
Oh and since some people are sharing day jobs, mine is as a “software engineer.”
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Jonathan Marballi.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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I, Jonathan Marballi, agree to the terms of this release form as outlined below…
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Hi Katharine,
I realize I’m a bit late to the class but I really enjoyed the premise of your film. I’m working on a “Buddy Road-Trip” style comedy so tonally our projects are relatively different, which is appealing to me. I’ve posted my first and second assignments. If you’d like to collaborate on feedback / etc let me know.
Thanks so much,
Jon
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Hey Dan,
I can totally see this as a very broad and funny comedy, great work. I did get a little turned around in the synopsis. It wasn’t clear to me if Mandonna’s failure happened on the soccer field or on the dancing show. Also, I got the sense that maybe the dancing show was Mandonna and Chuck It’s chance at redemption? But I’m not confident I’m right, so the order of those beats could use a little clarification for the reader I think.
There are parts of this story I can very much see in my head. It reminds me, tonally, of a wrestling movie I just watched for the first time recently, “Ready to Rumble.” It might be worth checking out as a “comp.”
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a movie that united soccer and football and the idea of that is pretty fun to me.
-Jon
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Hey Dan,
Thanks for the thoughtful note. Love the story about the ’59 VW. I got the idea when I moved to CA for the second time and recalled that the last time I left I had sold my car there and I was tempted to track it down but, you know, real life…
The collector stuff is interesting, I go back and forth on that because there’s something that appeals to me about there being absolutely nothing special about this car and it just keeps spiraling down until (as you’ll see in my second assignment) they witness the fire department using it to demo the jaws-of-life, where they rip it to smithereens.
As for the rom-com I may be using too confusing of a label. It’s a “Platonic rom-com.” Like the opposite of “When Harry Met Sally” almost. Or it’s like a bro-mance movie maybe, except one of the bros is a woman haha. Maybe it’s just a “Buddy road-trip movie.” You’ve given me food for thought.
Thanks,
Jon