Jonathan Skurnik
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Jonathan Skurnik Maximum Interest, Part 1
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is the power to place a scene anywhere and do anything with it, as long as it stays true to its essence. This opens the scene up to so many possibilities and it’s really fun imagining them.
Death and Love
Scene Logline: When Sarah is unable to convince Chaim that she’s ready for a commitment, Chaim breaks up with her.
Essence: Sarah’s unresolved grief is keeping her from true intimacy with someone who loves her.
Interest Techniques:
More Interesting Setting: Rabbi’s office.
Mislead/Reveal: It looks like it’s going to be a professional meeting, but it turns out to be a sexual one.
Surprise: Same as the mislead issue–suddenly there’s sex.
INT. SARAH’S OFFICE – NIGHT
Sarah sits at her desk, writing on her computer. The phone/intercom RINGS. Sarah answers with speaker phone.
SARAH
Yes?
BETTY (O.S.)
Chaim’s here for a consult.
SARAH
Thanks Betty. Send him in.
Sarah stands, pats down her skirt, checks her hair, straightens her kipa and clears her throat. CHAIM, menschy and sweet, appears with a coat and a kipa. Awkward moment as they look at each other–there’s history here.
SARAH (CONT’D)
Come in.
Chaim hesitates, then enters.
SARAH (CONT’D)
Have a seat.
They both sit. Another awkward moment.
SARAH (CONT’D)
How can I help you?
CHAIM
Uh, well, I have a congregant whose mother will need hospice care soon. Late stage cancer.
SARAH
I see. We might have space for her. Let me check.
Sarah turns to her computer to check the schedule.
SARAH (CONT’D)
Looks like we have some space.
Chaim gets up and looks over Sarah’s shoulder at the computer.
CHAIM
Good. That’s good.
Sarah’s breathing becomes shallow, waiting for Chaim to act. Chaim moves his hand towards Sarah’s face, then hesitates. Sarah moves her face towards his hand. Finally, contact.
Sarah turns and grabs Chaims shirt end and pulls it up over his head. They pull other clothes off.
SARAH
Wait. Did you lock the door?
CHAIM
Yes.
SARAH
Double check.
Chaim checks the door. It’s locked. Sarah wants him back, but he hesitates.
SARAH (CONT’D)
What is it?
CHAIM
I can’t do this anymore.
SARAH
What?
CHAIM
(indicating their bodies)
This.
SARAH
Why?
CHAIM
Friday sex in your office before I lead services? That’s not enough.
Sarah waits to hear more.
CHAIM (CONT’D)
It’s Paul’s Yarzheit this week.
SARAH
(suddenly forceful)
What, you think I forgot the anniversary of my fiancé’s death?
CHAIM
No, of course not.
(pause)
Your dead fiancé. It’s been three years.
SARAH
It feels like yesterday.
CHAIM
We’re never gonna be something, are we?
Sarah’s speechless.
CHAIM (CONT’D)
I’m such an idiot. Thinking that if I just waited long enough, you’d come around. But you’re stuck…and I’m done.
Chaim gets quickly dressed. Then pulls out a gourmet chocolate bar from his bag and puts in on Sarah’s desk.
SARAH
My favorite.
Chaim puts on his coat, unlocks and opens the door, pauses to turn, but then doesn’t.
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It turns out this exercise is impossible for me to do with people I’m currently in relationship with, because I’ve spent the last two decades removing all traces of extreme characters from my life. So instead of basing it on current extreme personalities, I chose adults from my childhood who were extreme. While this was fruitful, it didn’t allow me to do the “testing” phase of this exercise, where I interact with them. What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that most of my main characters in my projects are dull. I will make sure that I never do that again AND will go back to my projects and re-think my characters to make them more extreme.
Person 1
Charming, funny, violent, cruel
Person 2
Brilliant, Caring, Addict, Liar
Person 3
Sweet, caring, extreme narcissism, terrified
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Jonathan Skurnik Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that all my scenes in my short script already effectively reflect the essence, and that I already write from essence in my screenwriting. I also learned in this process to pare down my short film from six locations to three, and to reduce shooting days from 10 to 3-4. This makes it much more feasible to shoot the film with the $10K that I plan to raise ($4K raised already).
Script I choose: Death and Love
Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene (Sarah’s Apartment)
Logline: Sarah and Chaim argue about their relationship, and break up.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sarah isn’t able to love someone new, because she’s still bound to her dead fiancé.
New Logline: Sarah pushes Chaim away when he tries to get her to let go of her attachment to her dead fiancé.Scene 2 Location: Mr. Cohen’s Hospice room, the first time Sarah meets him
Logline: Sarah’s new client is so sexist that she loses her professional mien.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sexism in Judaism triggers and hardens Sarah’s heart.
New Logline: When Sarah’s new client reveals his sexism, she begins to unravel, professionally.Scene 3 Location: Sarah’s Apartment
Logline: Sarah expresses her hatred for Paul’s Orthodox father.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sarah’s resentment towards Paul’s father owns her.
New Logline: Sarah hates Paul’s father. Makes the audience ask themselves: why?Scene 4 Location: Rabbi Pounder’s Office
Logline: Sarah tries to find out where Mr. Cohen’s daughter lives so she can contact him.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sarah finds sexism everywhere she turns, even when trying to help her patient.
New Logline: When Sarah asks Mr. Cohen’s rabbi to tell her where she can find Mr. Cohen’s daughter, he blackballs her while also demeaning her with his sexism.Scene 5 Location: Sarah’s Apartment
Logline: Mr. Cohen’s daughter reveals that she’s the one who didn’t want to meet before her father passed away, causing Sarah to grieve and let go of her resentment towards Paul’s father.
Essence I’ve discovered: When Sarah sees through the eyes of Miriam that it is her own resentment that is keeping her closed off and unhappy, she’s finally able to grieve and forgive, opening her heart again to love.
New Logline: When Miriam informs Sarah that she’s the one that didn’t want to meet, Sarah realizes her resentments are the cause of her pain, NOT Paul’s father, and she’s finally able to fully grieve. -
Jonathan Skurnik finds the essence
I really enjoyed finding scenes that had an essence that consisted mostly of subtext. These were the most fun scenes to use for this exercise. I learned that the essence can be direct or in the subtext and both approaches serve the script well.
Script I choose: The Big Sick
Scene 1 Location: Kumail’s Uber
Logline: Kumail drives Emily home after their one-night stand
Essence: Kumail wants Emily, but Emily doesn’t want Kumail: After Kumail asks Emily for a second date and Emily declines, Kumail makes jokes to cover up his disappointment.Scene 2 Location: Kumail’s parents’ home
Logline: Kumail’s quirky but traditional parents try to find him a wife
Essence: Kumail doesn’t fit his family’s traditional expectations: He must keep any white girl he dates a secret.Scene 3 Location: Backstage at the Comedy Club
Logline: As they try out their jokes with each other, Kumail worries about Emily
Essence: Kumail tries to convince himself that Emily will be fine without him.Scene 4 Location: Comedy Club
Logline: When a racist heckler interrupts Kumail’s performance, Emily’s parents defend him with threats of violence.
Essence: Kumail bonds with Emily’s parents.Scene 5 Location: Emily’s Apartment
Logline: Kumail and Emily’s mom Beth talk about how Beth and Terry (her husband) met.
Essence: Kumail and Beth’s bond deepens. They discover that Beth and Terry’s story is a lot like Kumail’s and Emily’s -
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My name is Jonathan Skurnik. I’ve written more than 5 scripts. I hope to find areas and skills where I can greatly improve my writing that had never occurred to me before.
I have been a documentary film director for 20+ years (6 films on PBS) and teach documentary at the UCLA and Chapman film schools at the undergrad and graduate levels. After making people think and cry for two decades, I want to spend the next two decades making people laugh with my situation comedy writing (not joke writing, per se).