[Judith Watson]

Hmwk wk2.4 Ocean’s 11 – TRIANGLE – JUDITH WATSON

Watch 1st time for:
· What makes this love triangle interesting? I think Julia waiting for her lover gets surprised by her former husband who has just been released from jail. She didn’t know he was in jail. She just thought he had disappeared.
· Where do you see secrets, intrigue, and emotional needs? Danny kept it a secret that he had been sent to jail. Julia needs to be able to trust Danny and she doesn’t. He says he doesn’t lie anymore, but she doesn’t believe him.
· Where do you see conflict between each point of the triangle? I see that Julia doesn’t want to be hurt anymore. Danny wants her back. Her present lover wouldn’t want to give her back to him.
Watch 2nd time for:
· What drama is this scene built around? I think the drama is built around the surprise that her husband, who disappeared, and she didn’t know why, has returned wanting her back. She doesn’t want to go back to him, but he seems like he will be persistent.
· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?
Danny: persistent, confident, – he expected her to welcome him with open arms.
His secret was he didn’t tell her he was in jail. Why?
Julia has a wound – he disappeared, and she didn’t know why
Future: there is a definite problem here – Danny is not going to go away.

[Judith Watson]

Hmwk – week 2, day 5 – attraction – A Star is Born – Ch mastery class

Watch 1st time for:
· Where do you see attraction show up for Ally? She is willing put herself out there and sing for him and show him what she can create.
· Where do you see attraction show up for Jack? Jack is impressed and says,
Holy Shit, and tells her he will keep her secret but he’s bad at keeping secrets.
· What is causing that attraction? They both seem to be interested in music.
Watch 2nd time for:
· What drama is this scene built around? A couple sits in the middle of a deserted parking lot in the middle of the night. The woman shares with him the song she wrote and he is impressed and tells her she has talent.
· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?wr
Ally: creative; emotionally expressive
Jack: protective; strong; caring
Future: indicated when he says he’ll keep her secret, then says he doesn’t keep secrets well.
Ally’s wound: she seems very talented but not brave enough to go after a singing, music writing career. Something in her past maybe holding her back.

[Judith Watson]

REMEMBER THE TITANS…hmwk. Wk. 2 Lesson 3 – Lesson power struggle
Watch 1st time for:
· How is this power struggle created? The Titan team has a new coach. He makes
sure the players know that he is in charge, by putting them in their place. They are the
players, he is the coach, their daddy.

· What is it about these characters that demand this power struggle? Gary, the all-
American player on the team seems to have had power, but when the new coach comes
onto the team, he makes sure the boys know that he is in charge. The black coach
knows that this team, all white, is going to be a big challenge and he sets his authority
right away. He puts down the all-American, Gary, by calling him Jerry and his friend,
Dean, implying they are a comedy team.
· How does each character’s audience influence and depend upon this power
struggle? The boys have their white influential parents. The black coach is dropped into
the middle of this community where there are no blacks and he is setting up his
authority along with a busload of black players who will be vying for playing in coveted
positions.
Watch 2nd time for:
· What drama is this scene built around? The drama this scene is built around is the
integration of black players onto an all-white team and the new black coach who makes
sure the white hot-shot players know that he is in charge. His way or the highway.
· How are they expressing their Profile (right character, traits, secret, wound, future)
through their words and actions?
Black coach, traits: he’s perfectionistic, strong,
The All-American: confident, assertive,
Future: this coach and kid are going to have to learn to get along

Just had an insight: these are the right characters for this story. Denzel, wanting to do the right thing and have everyone get along, and the challenging All-AMerican who will have to change his way of acting and beliefs to not only be able to play but grow as a person and expand his beliefs.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Judith Watson.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

WEEK 2 – LESSON 2 – Tombstone and Green Mile homework:

TOMBSTONE: Worthy opponents…
WATCH 1st TIME FOR:
• What tension comes from putting these two worthy opponents face-to-face?
The scene is dangerous. Johnny Ringo has a gun and can use it. He challenges Wyatt and Doc Holiday. Doc takes the bait, and they go head on head. Ringo, a feeling of violence, Doc with humor when he copies Ringo’s gun ability with his small liquor cup.
This shows his character has a sense of humor, he’s funny and won’t back down.
So, it hints at a future showdown between these two men.
WATCH 2nd TIME FOR:
• ·What drama is this scene built around?
The drama is built around Ringo and gang coming into a bar and challenging Wyatt and Doc Holliday.
• What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?
Doc’s comment, “He reminds me of me,” implies to me that Doc doesn’t like himself very much and he doesn’t like Ringo. Could they have the same wound? They also both know Latin and challenge? each other and the crowd doesn’t know it?
So Doc is challenging, won’t back off from a fight, just like Ringo.
Wyatt is more controlled. He is prepared, the rifle under the table pointing at Ringo.

GREEN BOOK mismatched allies
Watch 1st time for:
• How mismatched are these two?
• Black and white in the 20’s.
• What do they have to get over to be able to work together and become friends?
• The white’s opinion on Blacks and the Blacks opinion on whites. Working together for their mutual benefit.
• Knowing that Tony gets the job, how does this mismatch create a future for both characters?
• The future is either one that they will be friends, or everything will blow up in their faces not only the black and white things, but being in the deep south and the negative opinions the white guy will have thrown at him.
Watch 2nd time for:
• What drama is this scene built around?
• Drama is built around a black man hiring a white man to be his guard and chaffier, but the white guys tells him flat out he isn’t a chaffier, take it or leave me.
• What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?
Black man is brave and a bit of a challenger.
Talented, successful
White guy is tough, and independent.
Future is the question of will these guys learn to appreciate each other and be friends in the movie’s end or enemies.
Wounds, violent racism in the country in the 20’s. Not sure of the white guys wounds.
As to right character it makes a challenging and interesting combination.

[Judith Watson]

WEEK 2 – Lesson 1 – Hmwk- Judith Watson – Sleepless in Seattle and Seabiscuit
Watch 1st time for: SLEEPLESS
• What causes you to believe these two belong together?
Both characters, Sam and Annie, have the same opinions about the radio shrink. While listening to the call the shrink says, “Don’t want to invade your privacy.” Both Sam and Annie say, “Sure you do.”
• Notice any similar emotions, words, and actions.
Even though Annie is engaged, she doesn’t seem like she wants to be with this guy. She seems to be forcing being with him. She’s not really loving toward him, cheek kisses when they say goodbye, not lips.
Watch 2nd time for:
· What drama is this scene built around?
The scene is built around the drama of a little boy, 8, missing his mother and seeing his father miserable calls a radio talk show to get his dad a new wife during Christmas. This puts his dad on the spot and he ends up talking to the shrink and letting us know how wonderful his wife was.
· What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?
Sam, honest and funny, caring, good father, complacent
Annie, Romantic, empathetic
SEABISCUIT
What causes you to believe these two belong together?
They are both scrappy. You can hear the horse restless in his stall. You see Red fighting off 4-5 guys in a fight. Both characters are angry and aggressive.
What drams is the scene built around?
The drama the scene is built around is the owner wants to find Seabiscuit a jockey, and the horse refuses any that come to ride him. As the trainer walks away, he sees Red acting the same way as the horse while fighting. Both, man and horse are underdogs.
Red and Seabiscuit are both angry. They are both resilient.
Wounds: something has happened to both horse and Red that have made them so stubborn.
The future seems made for these two similar characters. They will be together because they understand each other. Red wants to ride and Seabiscuit wants to race.

[Judith Watson]

keeps posting my response over and over.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Week 1 – Lesson 5 – Wounds – Good Wil Hunting

I think I had a breakthrough in hearing how the right dialogue created the conflict/drama in this scene. Skylar asks Will to go to California with her. This sets him off because he feels more secure where he is. Will’s fear becomes clear when he accuses Skylar of dumping him for the other rich friends she will meet. His actions are to jump out of bed and head for the door. He is in flight mode. She blocks his way and then his actions are aggressive. In order not to hit her he hits the door with his fist. Her fear of not being loved is shown when she asks him to tell her if he doesn’t love her, to say so. He does, even though it’s not true, but he says it because he fears being abandoned by her.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

LOST –

Didn’t get any insights in this lesson. However, I was reminded to use what I already know which was a set-up in video three. When it shows Kate taking her husband to bed, he says, “What is that smell?” She says that it’s probably your breath. Then when she leaves and the house blows up, we realize that that was a clue to something she had set up to have the house blow up.

The other two videos show us the secret that Kate is a killer. The drama in the first video shows the Marshall dying. And instead of him allowing himself to be helped, he keeps talking about his jacket. Jack checks it out and he finds out Kate is being arrested for murder and she is a fugitive. Big secret revealed here.

Then in the second video, the game reveals that Kate is a killer and so is Sawyer. I wasn’t really aware of how the secret’s reveal was set up unless it was with the use of the game, I never. Maybe, that was it, since Sawyer tells Kate if she wants a drink, and she appears to desperately want one, she has to play the game where he tricks her into revealing her big secret.

Traits revealed??? – Kate? Brave to play the game, defiant, and Sawyer???? Charming, rebellious. Not sure.

[Judith Watson]

Yah, I finally had an insight. The use of time of day in this scene is very effective. Jonah, in complete darkness can be a metaphor for his state of being. Beggar coming out of the darkness, is bringing light. Beggar traits?: empathetic, supportive, wise, and mysterious. Jonah traits?: talented, determined, generous shown in offering Baggar food, and envious. There seem like the right characters in that Jonah is lost and Baggar comes along and helps him out of his depression in a kind and inspiring way.

[Judith Watson]

This scene showed Sarah’s future with the following: she asked about a son not born yet; she will get pregnant with the leader of the future world; Kyle tells her she made a good field dressing.

Kyle’s future: shows that he will help her become who she is meant to become and protect her in the process; he volunteered to come to be with her.

Sarah’s transformation implied in this scene: she asks Kyle to tell her about where he is from. What is it like.

the drama in this scene is built around them escaping and being safe while she learns that she has a future she can’t comprehend at this time. Her destiny. also, the drama is around Kyle’s fascination with her and what she will become.

Traits: Kyle: brave and curious Sarah: reluctant; doesn’t believe in herself;

[Judith Watson]

Great scene. The scene set-up is, locals, not college educated go to a bar where the elitist Harvard students hang out. They don’t fit in, you can tell by their clothes, but Chuckie decides to try to pick up a Harvard Girl. She’s friendly, nice, but a bully Harvard student steps in to show Chuckie he doesn’t belong; the scene’s trigger. Harvard runs down Chuckie, and his friend, Will comes to his rescue, being a loyal friend. He’s smart too. Will puts Harvard in his place by showing he’s as knowageable as the Harvard student in History. The irony of the scene is that Will has learned and understands more about History from reading books than Harvard. Will is smart, but he also has a chip on his shoulder when he invites Harvard to go outside and fight.

[Judith Watson]

Hi, I’m Judith Watson. I’ve written 6 scripts. Love screenwriting and am looking forward to working with ya’ll in the Character Mastery class.

[Judith Watson]

I, Judith Watson, agree to the terms of this release form.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Mystery Sequence – L6 – Homework

What I learned doing this assignment is it’s a challenge to connect all the mysteries. I am still working on sequencing everything to fit together.

Create your mystery sequence. Give us the answer to these questions.

The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it. Students discover the coed’s bodies, and one is Chip’s sister.

1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up? He is impregnating coeds to get them pregnant and then have them abort their babies for a youth giving serum.

2. How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries.

1. He helps Chip with his nightmares.

2. He is a well-liked Professor at the college.

3. He is an awarded Professor at the college.

4. Chip tells Professor Mimosa about the old man.

5. Chip tells the Prof he is going to the college to check on the drama professor, but the prof knows he will be checking on him. He knows they won’t give out any information. However, a woman does help Chip and shows him the picture of Mimosa and tells him the story of a woman that got away, her best friend, Chip’s Mom.

6. Chip and his friends investigate Prof Mimosa and get evidence on him.

7. Chip’s friend is kidnapped by Mimosa and he rescues her and sees the old man in Mimosa’s lab. He sees the old man drink a substance and turn into the Professor as a young man.

8. The Prof recognizes Chip as his son, the baby that got away and he asks Chip to join him in everlasting life. Chip refuses and they fight. He succeeds in stopping Mimosa.

Who is the old man with the bloody bag?

Chip runs into an old man carrying a bloody bag when he goes on his run to shake off his nightmare.

The old man disappears in one of the buildings.

Who killed Chip’s mother?

At the parent’s day – the mother runs away when she sees the professor, but Chip things she ran from the Drama professor, the red Herring. He was standing near Professor Mimosa and Chip misunderstood.

Afterwards Chip gets a call from his mom that it is time she came clean about who Chip’s real dad is.

Chip overhears from a coed (who is seeking revenge on the Drama professor) that the drama professor is friendly with the coeds.

Chip spies on the drama professor and sees him being friendly with the coeds.

Chip checks out a rumor about the professor at his former school getting into trouble with the coeds. However, he went to the wrong college.

Chip goes to investigate and the college refuses to tell him anything, but one woman does secretly, however, when he shows the woman the drama professor’s picture, she says that’s not the man. In the yearbook she shows him the picture of Professor Mimosa.

Why does Chip have these nightmares around his birthday every year?

Trauma of mom passed onto the fetus.

Chip has a hallucination during the Halloween hunt that says, “The past holds the key.”

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Villain Plan – Lesson 5 – Homework

What I learned is to look at my villain in a different way and try to find ways to make this script have intrigue by having a devious, clever villain.

My Villain’s Plan:

1. Create the end goal of the Villain. What are they trying to accomplish or stop that is so valuable that they’ll go to any means to achieve the goal?

He wants to keep hiding that he is getting coeds pregnant to take a serum from their aborted fetus to keep himself young. If he feels threatened of exposure, he does not hesitate to kill the coed. He has been doing this for over 100 years.

2. Look for how the Villain might execute the plan. What would need to take place to make that plan happen in a covert way? Brainstorm devious, dangerous, covert, and even disturbing ways your Villain could make all of this could happen.

Professor Mimosa is a well-liked, highly decorated college professor. The students, male and female adore him. The faculty thinks he’s the best. He’s a great teacher. He moves to different campuses when he feels his secret could be revealed or he kills the coed, and she disappears, and no one knows what happened to her. Our Protagonist gets involved in solving the case, and tells the Professor what he is finding out and discovering.

3. How can the villain’s plan and their actions be covered up?

He covers up his plan by secretly seducing the young coeds by pretending to be helping them academically. They don’t want to reveal their involvement with the Professor, so they hide it from their dorm mates and friends.

There is a scene where the Professor is honored, and the students reinforce what a great guy he is.

When the Protagonist’s mother comes to the campus for Parent’s Day, and she is a former coed who escaped his abortion with our Protagonist, he kills her to cover up his secret.

He points the Protagonist in a different direction, red herring, when the kid confides in him. Perhaps pointing out devious actions the other person has been involved in, some of which are true.

4. Sequence them to make it as intriguing as possible — starting with a first event that is dangerous.

Our Protagonist is troubled every year a week before his birthday with nightmares. To calm himself down, he goes for a run, and runs into an old man carrying a bloody package who disappears in one of the buildings.

The Professor invites the Protagonist to join his mentoring team. He thinks he has great potential. Or perhaps to learn how to do lucid dreaming to help him with his nightmares.

The Protagonist and his friends find bodies of coeds buried in the woods by the campus. The Professor dismisses class telling the students to take care of themselves because of the tragedy. Swears that the perpetrator will not get away with the murders.

The Protagonist confides in the Professor that he knew and dated the latest girl killed.

The Professor tells the police about the Protagonist, and he gets taken in for questioning. The Protagonist does not know the Professor turned him in.

Each time the Protagonist confides in the Prof, he looks more and more guilty.

After the Protagonist’s mother is killed, he finds a clue, as to whom the killer might be, the Professor.

The kid breaks off relationships with the Professor, and he becomes suspicious of the Protagonist.

They seek more and more evidence against the Prof but the school dismisses it because of his popularity. They are on their own.

The Prof kidnaps one of the investigators and challenges the Protagonist to saving her.

The Prof escapes with the girl from the Protagonist, but he finds where they went. He sees the old man from the beginning turn into the Professor. The Prof asks him to join him in eternal life, because he is his son. He refuses and defeats the prof and saves his friend.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s SOTL Stacking Suspense – L4 Homework – Assign. 1

What I is learned Basic Instinct uses mystery, suspense, intrigue, and stakes to keep the story going. In addition, the Characters in this movie were very mysterious and intriguing which enhanced the stakes.

Judith’s SOTL Stacking Suspense
– L4 Homework – Assign. 2 for Jason Bourne.
I found this movie more exciting and suspenseful. The mystery of who Jason Bourne is and the
intrigue of his adventurers into discovery his true identity and skills was
fascinating how they built the stakes as the movie progressed

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s World and Characters – L3 – Creating world/characters with MIS – homework

What I learned doing this assignment is how important MIS is for the whole script, the world and characters.

1. Remind us of your CONCEPT and the MIS of your story.

A freshman college student becomes involved in solving the mystery of why coeds are being killed on campus.

Big Mystery is Who is killing these coeds and why and why does Jackson have nightmares for a week before each of his birthdays?

Big Intrigue is the professor has created an environment for himself where he is beloved by the students and admired by the faculty, but he has a need to keep doing something for himself to keep himself young.

Big Suspense – will Jackson be able to keep himself from being a victim of the professor?

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for you story.

My intriguing world is the manipulative relationship between student and professor.

3. With your Hero and Villain, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions.

Hero: Jackson Meyers – student who eventually solves the murder of the coed killings.

Villain: Professor Mimosa – the narcissistic professor who is using coeds for his own personal gain.

HERO: JACKSON MEYERS

1. What is the mystery of the hero?

Jackson Meyers has nightmares every year a week before his birthday.

2. What is the intrigue of the hero?

Don’t have this yet.

3. What is the suspense of the hero?

Will he be killed by the man killing coeds because he has become involved in finding out who this person is?

VILLAIN: PROFESSOR MIMOSA

1. What is the mystery of the villain?

He uses the babies of coeds he has impregnated to stay young.

2. What is the intrigue of the villain?

He manipulates the young coeds, making them believe he is in love with them and gets them pregnant. Then he aborts the fetus at a certain time to get the fluid he needs to stay young.

3. What is the suspense of the villain?

Will this villain destroy Jackson and be able to continue his horrid process of creating his stay young fluid?

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Big M.I.S. – Lesson 2: Creating the big MIS

What I learned doing this assignment is this is going to be fun.

Logline: A college freshman becomes involved in solving the mystery of who is killing the coeds at the university.

1. What are the conventions of the story?

Unwitting but Resource Hero: Jackson Meyers, brainy college freshman.

2. Dangerous villain: Well loved, award winning College Professor.

3. High Stakes: Investigating to find out who killed his friends puts his life at risk of death.

4. Life and death situations: As he gets closer and closer to discovering his beloved teacher, the professor is the killer, he puts his life and that of his friends helping him at risk to be killed.

5. This story is thrilling because we worry that Jackson is trusting the wrong person, the Villain Professor, with his findings in his investigation.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery is Who is killing these coeds and why and why does Jackson have nightmares for a week before each of his birthdays?

Big Intrigue is the professor has created an environment for himself where he is beloved by the students and admired by the faculty, but he has a need to keep doing something for himself to keep himself young.

Big Suspense – will Jackson be able to keep himself from being a victim of the professor?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Unlawful Entry – Judith’s Thriller Conventions – Lesson 1

What I learned doing this assignment was that the movie “Unlawful Entry” had all the elements of a thriller.

UNWITTING BY RESOURCEFUL HERO – the main character, Michael Carr’s, house is broken into and the thief gets away. Mike has a beautiful wife, Karen. The police officer who comes to investigate, Officer Pete Davis, helps the couple out by arranging to set up a security system. HE sets up the security code word with the alarm company. He becomes friends with the couple. They invite him to dinner and a possible job on the side, guarding a new night club Michael has gone into debt to start a night club.

DANGEROUS VILLAIN: Pete Davis is the villain. The BIG MYSTERY is why? As the story goes along, we learn that he is a very lonely man. He becomes infatuated with Karen.

THE BIG MYSTERY: Pete wants Karen for himself. Why and what will he do to have her?

The BIG INTRIGUE is what is he up to with this couple. He seems to be helping them, alarm system, friendship, but all along he is getting Karen to like and trust him. He takes Mike on a ride-along and takes him to the house of the thief. Gives Mike the opportunity to beat the hell out of the thief. Mike refuses and Pete does it himself. Pete learns that Karen is disappointed that Mike did not beat this guy up and she feels safer with Pete.

THE BIG SUSPENSE is will Karen succumb to Pete. She’s a bit naïve about him and stands up for him against her husband when he tells her to stay away from him.

UNWITTING BY RESOURCEFUL HERO – Mike is resourceful in that he realizes that Pete is up to no good. He wants to avoid him. He messes up and follows his lawyer’s advice to pay Pete off to stay away from his wife. Pete threatens him. He goes to Pete’s partner to get him to help since the report Mike files with the department against Pete has no evidence. And at the very end when Pete is at the house, taking over Mike’s life, because he got him arrested, we see Mike’s last bit of resourcefulness when during the fight he is having with Pete the alarm goes off and when Pete tells the security company the wrong code, the police will come to investigate.

DANGEROUS VILLAIN – Pete is a cop. Has all the power. Gets on the good side of the wife because she feels he will protect her, and her husband won’t. He is covert in that he seems so nice and helpful. And as we as the audience realize that he’s really not a nice guy, the suspense builds. Will he get Mike out of the way by getting him arrested and put in jail? What will he do to Karen when he finds out she is not wanting to be with him?

HIGH STAKES – Pete is willing to kill. He kills his partner; he kills Karen’s friend. He will be willing to kill Mike to have Karen and Karen if she resists him.

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS – see above stakes plus he puts a gun to Mike’s head. He takes away Mikes livelihood, and he gets Mike arrested for a false cocaine charge.

This movie is THRILLING because we are not sure until the end if Pete will get Karen to be on his side and how Mike is going to be able to stop Pete.

[Judith Watson]

Deleted this post.

[Judith Watson]

I am in the pro rewrite class. I am not able to open my lessons. Ha’s lecture last week was up tp lesson 16. When I try to open any lesson beyond 12, all I get is the name of the class and the complete button. What lesson are we suppose to be doing after the outline exchange. best, Judith Watson cinemaself1@aolcom

[Judith Watson]

I cannot access my pro rewrite class. I am not getting the lesson emails either. The last lesson I was able to access was lesson 11. After that the only thing that comes up is the name of the class and the mark complete button. See file below. I hired a person to check my computer and he found nothing wrong. I changed my password and your website accepted it. Please fix this problem so I can do my lessons. Please send me the lessons to my email at cinemaself@aol.com so I can continue the class. best, Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

I see people have posted lesson 12 in the lesson assignment section. yet, I am not able to open the lesson to do the assignment. Please helped me get into my lessons. The last one I could open was 11. The page for 12 opens, but there is no lesson, just the complete button. best, Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

Hi Cheryl, we were suppose to get lesson 11 today but ir says it s not available until August.

Lesson 11: Adding Meaningful Action

© Available on August 6, 2023 10:28 pm

[Judith Watson]

SUBJECT: Judith’s Outline Exchange #1

Hi, Judith Watson here. Would love to exchange outlines with thriller writers. Please let me know if you are willing.

[Judith Watson]

L8 – Prof Rewr – Stronger characters – June 20, 2023

Judith Elevates Lead Characters

What I learned is my protagonist was too nice. I’ve made her more guilty of what the antagonist is accusing her of.

I changed the beginning of the movie because my movie title, “Reunion from Hell” was the name of a movie in 2022. My movie is now called “The Birthday Wish.” As a result of the title change, it made me rethink the beginning. I hope have made my movie more of a thriller.

Also, changed the intro of my protagonist and antagonist since my title change.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith Solves Major Problems

Lesson 7 – Solve Big Picture Problems – June 15, 2023

What I learned is thinking about the different elements of opening, conflict, journey, help me see some holes in my script.

THINGS I CHANGED OR ADDED:

Changed the OPENING and didn’t reveal the antagonist’s identity. Set up a mislead by…

Adding a red herring.

Have stronger CONFLICT between the A and P and the protagonist flaw is revealed.

CONFLICT between the red herring and protagonist added.

Made my protagonist not so nice. Included a place to reveal her flaw.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Creative Character Story Lines… June 12, 2023

What I learned doing this assignment is all the major characters have their own story lines.

EMILY –

BEGINNING – Arrives home from her run to discover the movers have not arrived to take her art to the gallery for the show tonight. She calls them and they tell her she said to come later.

INCITING INCIDENT – Her estranged sister crashes the show and asks to have a runification of the family.

TP 1 – Emily agrees to a two-week trial unification.

MIDPOINT – Emily learns that her mother and Rachel were killed in a house fire. How can that be, Rachel is here?

DILEMMA – none

TP 2 – Katie, the little girl Emily is adopting, has been kidnapped by Rachel.

MAJOR CONFLICT – Emily arrives at her house and battles with Rachel in the barn. Katie escapes. Emily succeeds in rescuing Katie. Fights to the end with Rachel.

END – Emily says goodbye to her mom and Rachel in the cemetary. She lays the art medallion on Rachel’s grave.

RACHEL –

BEGINNING – Rachel kills her mom and sets the house on fire to fake her own death. She sets out to destroy Emily’s life.

INCITING INCIDENT – Rachel crashes Emily’s successful art show, embarrasses Emily, and begs for a family reunification.

TP 1 – Rachel takes Emily to a restaurant where Eugene is meeting with who he believes is a client, and Emily thinks he is having an affair. Rachel hired the woman to pose as a buyer.

MIDPOINT – Sets up a trap to have Emily go to their family vacation cabin and she lays in wait to attack and kill her.

DILEMMA – none

TP 2 – Rachel finds out Emily is not dead and she lures her into another trap when she kidnaps Katie.

MAJOR CONFLICT – Rachel battles with Emily in a barn filled with lit candles and grotesque paintings done by Rachel.

END – Rachel dies in the fire.

DETECTIVE THOMAS –

BEGINNING – Thomas investigates a house fire where he finds two bodies. He disagrees with the fire marshall who thinks the fire was a holiday accident. He thinks it’s murder.

INCITING INCIDENT – He learns the name of the mother’s nursing home.

TP 1 – He visits the nursing home and learns Mrs. Parsons had two daughters. He finds pictures of them as children.

MIDPOINT – He learns the identity of the unknown daughter. And he learns that the second body is not that of the resident.

DILEMMA – he wants to follow-up the investigation in San Francisco even though it is out of his jurisdiction. He defies his Captain and goes to talk with Emily.

TP 2 – Thomas shows up at Emily’s house. Recognizes that the woman claiming to be Emily is Rachel. He pretends he thinks she is Rachel and tells her about his suspicions.

MAJOR CONFLICT – Rachel attacks him as he starts to leave and kills him.

END – he is buried in the forest.

EUGENE –

BEGINNING – Eugene wants Emily to throw away the “return to sender” letters from her estranged sister and move on with her life.

INCITING INCIDENT – He cautions Emily about believing Rachel and her intentions since she showed up out of the blue.

TP 1 – Eugene meets with a woman claiming to be interested in supporting his research and Emily sees them and thinks he is having an affair.

MIDPOINT – He learns the woman he met with had come to the restaurant with Rachel earlier in the week and she was found dead in the restroom from an overdose after the incident with Emily.

DILEMMA – none

TP 2 – Eugene barely escapes the murder attempt by Rachel and is taken to the emergency ward.

MAJOR CONFLICT – he is fighting for his life.

END – Eugene survives and is reunited with Emily and Katie.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s character profiles:

What I learned doing this lesson is looking at the profiles gives me new ideas for scenes.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>A. Name: Emily Green

1. B. Role in the Story: Protagonist. At first she accepts her sister’s return, but then realizes it was all a ruse and she sees to stop her sister from ruining her life. (What is the role and how does this character fulfill that role?)

2. C. Core Traits: Ambitious; creative; generous; pretentious; (Three or four main characteristics that make up how this character makes decisions, takes action, and expresses themselves.)

3. D. Motivation: to reunite the family: mom, Rachel, her and Eugene. Need: to realize that families are created through love. (Want/Need: Want = their goal. Need = an internal requirement for them to be okay.

4. E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw: she’s naïve. Wound: she was abandoned by her birth mother and as a result, she tries to prove her worth. (Flaw = the internal part that sabotages them. Wound = The traumatic experience from their past that haunts them.

5. F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: Secret: she knows that Rachel really deserves the art prize when they were young that she stole and won the prize with. (Secret = Something they keep hidden or concealed from others that impacts the story. Hidden Agenda = a covert plan that affects others without their knowledge. )

6. G. Internal Dilemma: (Two opposite values that are opposed to each other, like being powerful versus being loved.)

7. H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? She has hurt her sister, and hides it, so the buildup of revenge that her sister feels could be exasperated when the sister sees her success. (How does this character fit the concept, drive the conflict, and/or fulfill a major need in the story?)

B. Name: Rachel Parsons

8. B. Role in the Story: Antagonist. She pretends conciliation when all along her intentions is to harm. (What is the role and how does this character fulfill that role?)

9. C. Core Traits: judgmental; jealous; idealistic; self-disciplined (Three or four main characteristics that make up how this character makes decisions, takes action, and expresses themselves.)

10. D. Motivation: to get back at Emily because she believed her mom loved Emily more and Emily stole her artwork as a kid and won 1^st place in a contest. Her need: is to accept things from the past as in the past and forgive. (Want/Need: Want = their goal. Need = an internal requirement for them to be okay.

11. E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw: is unforgiving (Flaw = the internal part that sabotages them. Wound = The traumatic experience from their past that haunts them.

12. F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: she plans to eliminate Emily and take over her life (Secret = Something they keep hidden or concealed from others that impacts the story. Hidden Agenda = a covert plan that affects others without their knowledge. )

13. G. Internal Dilemma: (Two opposite values that are opposed to each other, like being powerful versus being loved.)

14. H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? She has a very strong belief that she is right about everything. (How does this character fit the concept, drive the conflict, and/or fulfill a major need in the story?)

C. Name: Eugene Green

Role: Support for Emily He is her husband and wants the best for her. (What is the role and how does this character fulfill that role?)

1. C. Core Traits: loyal; practical; responsible; paranoid. (Three or four main characteristics that make up how this character makes decisions, takes action, and expresses themselves.)

2. D. Motivation: to keep Emily safe and protect her.

His need and want are the same: to help Emily see that Rachel is not on the up and up. (Want/Need: Want = their goal. Need = an internal requirement for them to be okay.

3. E. Flaw/Wound: Flaw: don’t’ see one. (Flaw = the internal part that sabotages them. Wound = The traumatic experience from their past that haunts them.

4. F. Secret/Hidden Agenda: he snoops into Rachel’s affairs. (Secret = Something they keep hidden or concealed from others that impacts the story. Hidden Agenda = a covert plan that affects others without their knowledge. )

5. G. Internal Dilemma: (Two opposite values that are opposed to each other, like being powerful versus being loved.)

6. H. What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? He loves Emily and he is loyal. (How does this character fit the concept, drive the conflict, and/or fulfill a major need in the story?)

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Genre Conventions. HOMEWORK -2 – Reunion from Hell – June 1, 2023

“What I learned doing this assignment is a script can always be improved.

Build the genre conventions into your 4-Act structure.

1. Tell us the following:

· Title: Reunion from Hell

· Concept: Estranged sisters try to reunite. One with good intentions and the other evil.

· Genre: thriller

.2. Make a list of the conventions for your chosen genre:

4. CONVENTIONS OF THRILLERS

PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and

suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step — either

physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger

or there is the implication of future danger.

MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There’s a mystery that must be solved in

order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan.

Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.

HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero.

VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy

anyone who gets in their way.

MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation, uncertainty, and surprise.

Purpose: to thrill the audience

Life and Death Situations: Rachel tries to kill Emily’s husband, kidnaps her adopted daughter, burns down Emily’s art gallery

Mystery/intrigue/suspense: why is Rachel doing all this and what does she get out of it

Hero: Emily Green

Villain: Rachel Parsons

Main Emotions: suspense, fear, worry

VERSION ONE:

ACT 1 –

Opening: We see Rachel poison her mother and fake her own death.

Inciting Incident: Rachel crashes Emily’s gallery art show embarrassing her but asking Emily to join her in reuniting the family.

Turning Point: Emily calls Rachel and agrees to renew their relationship.

ACT 2 –

New Plan: Women will try reunification for two weeks and at the end of that time Rachel will give Emily mom’s nursing home name to Emily whether they decide to be sisters or not.

Plan in Action: See women preparing for Christmas, cooking, Rachel supporting Emily after her gallery show pictures are destroyed in a fire.

Emily thinks she has caught Eugene having an affair.

Midpoint Turning Point: Eugene and Emily have a big fight over the affair. Eugene insists Rachel set this up. To prove him wrong, Emily calls her mom’s nursing home to confirm Rachel’s reunification intentions and finds out Mom died in a house fire along with Rachel.

ACT 3 –

Rethink everything: Emily confronts Rachel, and they have a big fight where Rachel thinks she has killed Emily.

New plan: Emily’s actions fizzle when she learns that Rachel tried to kill Eugene in a car crash on the freeway.

Turning point: Huge failure/Major Shift: Rachel kills Lynn, Emily’s best friend, and kidnaps Katie, the little girl Emily is adopting.

ACT 4 –

Climax/Ultimate expression of conflict: Emily rescues Katie, and she and Rachel have a big fight in the Barn/Studio which catches on fire and Rachel dies in the fire and Emily and Katie escape.

Resolution: Emily says goodbye to mom and Rachel at their gravesites. She places the art medallion on Rachel’s grave and apologizes. She walks off, pregnant, with her new family of Eugene and Katie no longing believing reuniting with Rachel and mom is the only way to have the love and family she needs.

3. Brainstorm ways to deliver the conventions more effectively and build those parts into your 4-Act Structure.

NEW VERSION OF REUNION FROM HELL—

Act 1:

OPENING: A house in a quiet middle class neighborhood catches on fire and the front windows explode out onto the lawn. A blue Chevy speeds away from the scene.

Emily races from the barn/studio to call the movers. Why haven’t they arrived yet, the art show is in 10 hours. The paintings need to be moved and set up. She finds out the movers were called to delay the move. She gets a “return to sender” letter from her estranged sister.

INCITING INCIDENT: Emily’s estranged sister crashes her art gallery show and embarrasses her. Dr. Goodman asks Emily to come to his office the next day. He has some startling news for her. When Dr. Goodman gets close to the sister, she makes sure he doesn’t see her.

TURNING POINT: Against all warnings from her husband and best friend, Emily agrees with Rachel to try a unification.

Act 2:

NEW PLAN: Emily pours her heart into reuniting with Rachel. In the meantime, unknownst to Emily, Rachel is spying on her and breaking into her house.

PLAN IN ACTION: Emily and Rachel decorate the Christmas tree and cook dinner. They have fun on the carousel ride. Rachel secretly follows Emily, breaks into her house, & steals small items. Rachel burns down the gallery with Emily’s paintings and sets it up so Emily thinks her husband is having an affair.

MIDPOINT: Eugene and Emily have a big fight over Rachel. She calls mom at the nursing home to clarify things and finds out that Rachel and mom were killed in a house fire.

Act 3:

RETHINK EVERYTHING: Emily goes to Rachel’s hotel only to find out she is gone.

NEW PLAN: Emily goes after Rachel when she thinks she knows where she is. When Emily gets to the cabins, Rachel attacks and tries to kill her. She leaves her for dead.

Meanwhile, she tries to kill Eugene.

Detective Thompson arrives at Emily’s to tell her what is going on only to be surprised by Rachel and killed.

TURNING POINT:

Emily goes to Lynn’s house after the hospital only to find her dying and Katie, the little girl she is to adopt, kidnapped by Rachel.

ACT 4:

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT:

When Emily arrives at her house, she can’t find Katie. She discovers Thompson’s body, and Rachel threatens her. She goes to the barn/studio as Rachel demands only to find that Rachel has painted grotesque portraits, Katie tied up, and the barn lit with candles. She sneaks in, but Rachel sees her and attacks but not before Emily gets Katie free.

They battle and Rachel is killed in the fire.

RESOLUTION:

Emily says goodbye to mom at the cemetery. She says goodbye to Rachel and lays the art medallion Emily won and stole from Rachel as kids, on Rachel’s grave. She walks off, we see that she is pregnant, and she leaves with her new family, Eugene and Katie.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s 4 Act Structure – Funwork – May 30, 2023

What I learned doing this assignment is a starting process to get my screenplay in order and strong.

1. Give us the following:

TITLE: REUNION FROM HELL

GENRE: THRILLER

HIGH CONCEPT: A woman welcomes her estranged sister into her life only to discover she has evil intentions.

MAIN CONFLICT: A woman accepts the invitation from her sister to reunite their estranged family only to discover that her sister’s intentions are to take over her life.

2. Fill in the 4-act structure:

ACT 1 –

Opening: Rachel poisons her mother and fakes her own death.

Inciting Incident: Rachel crashes Emily’s gallery art show embarrassing her but asking Emily to join her in reuniting the family.

Turning Point: Emily calls Rachel and agrees to renew their relationship.

ACT 2 –

New Plan: Women will try reunification for two weeks and at the end of that time Rachel will give Emily mom’s nursing home name to Emily whether they decide to be sisters or not.

Plan in Action: See women preparing for Christmas, cooking, Rachel supporting Emily after her gallery show pictures are destroyed in a fire.

Emily thinks she has caught Eugene having an affair.

Midpoint Turning Point: Eugene and Emily have a big fight over the affair. Eugene insists Rachel set this up. To prove him wrong, Emily calls her mom’s nursing home to confirm Rachel’s reunification intentions and finds out Mom died in a house fire along with Rachel.

ACT 3 –

Rethink everything: Emily confronts Rachel, and they have a big fight where Rachel thinks she has killed Emily.

New plan: Emily’s actions fizzle when she learns that Rachel tried to kill Eugene in a car crash on the freeway.

Turning point: Huge failure/Major Shift: Rachel kills Lynn, Emily’s best friend, and kidnaps Katie, the little girl Emily is adopting.

ACT 4 –

Climax/Ultimate expression of conflict: Emily rescues Katie, and she and Rachel have a big fight in the Barn/Studio which catches on fire and Rachel dies in the fire and Emily and Katie escape.

Resolution: Emily says goodbye to mom and Rachel at their gravesites. She places the art medallion on Rachel’s grave and apologizes. She walks off, pregnant, with her new family of Eugene and Katie no longing believing reuniting with Rachel and mom is the only way to have the love and family she needs.

[Judith Watson]

Below is the release form. You have one of two choices here:

AGREE, in which case, you Reply to this topic and include three things at the top of the page:

1. Your name: Judith Watson

2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

OR

NOT AGREE, in which case, you hit “Reply to this topic” and type in the words “I’ll do the class privately.”

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s “Reunion from Hell” Project Pitch. May 24, 2023.

What I learned doing this assignment is I was missing some important scenes in my script. Doing and thinking about the pitch helped me see that.

PITCH

GENRE: Thriller

TITLE: Reunion from Hell

HIGH CONCEPT: A woman welcomes her estranged sister into her life only to discover she has evil intentions.

MAIN CONFLICT: A woman accepts the invitation from her sister to reunite their estranged family only to discover that her sister’s intentions are to take over her life.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: A budding artist goes from believing that her life would be complete if she had her estranged sister and mother back in her life, only to finally accepting that the love she is craving from them already exists in the family she has created.

OPPOSITION: Is a revengeful, determined woman intent on destroying the foster sister she believes has ruined her life and stopped her from succeeding in the art world.

[Judith Watson]

Sheriff Grimes is seems to be honest, caring, and brave.

I haven’t seen this show so I don’t know what happened here.

The way the drama is set up looks like the sheriff is here to help at some tragedy and he is searching for victims. He sees bunny slippers and realizes a little girl needs help.

The little girl is set up with bunny slippers, and she picks up a teddy bear. He calls to her in a gentle voice as she walks away from him her back to him. However, when she turns around, he sees that she is out to get him. In order to protect his life, he must shoot her. Thus violating his children value by having to choose life or death.

Sheriff Grimes is the right character because police are suppose to value life. His future is implied because he will have to deal with the Walking Dead continually and violate his value of life, however, are they alive?

Not sure I thought this clip was a good example of values.

[Judith Watson]

My Cousin Vinny is a delight. The drama around this scene is Vinny’s girlfriend is fed up with him and has walked out, but he needs her to testify to save him. He drags her in court, and as the scene progresses, she gets caught up in expressing herself. She saves him with her traits of smart, sensible, feisty, and knowledgeable.

[Judith Watson]

hi Cheryl, don’t know if you’ll get this. it looks like they, zendesk?, has part of week 4 listed in week 3 and things are all confused. i sure miss Dimitri and when we had problems and questions we got them answered by a human who knew screenwriting.

[Judith Watson]

Hi Cheryl, I hope you get this. some of the classes are missing for week 4. sure is frustrating to have this new way of approaching these classes always breaking down.

[Judith Watson]

couldn’t get scene to come up.

[Judith Watson]

Wk2 – L3 – Power Struggle – Remember the Titans

What is learned is I need to make my two opposing characters more distinct in what they want, their agendas.

The struggle created in this movie was the strong beliefs each side had against the other. Beliefs that were being challenged by having the school integration. The character of Densel had to prove he was boss and wouldn’t stand for any opposition and he put the white boys down who were challenging his authority. He was the only one who clapped for what he had done which showed how far he needed to go – the future of will he succeed here or not.

The drama is based on the clash between white people and black people and how they come to understand each other by getting to know each other.

The Densel character is tough, smart, and Coach is gentle, open minded. Densel wound is the way he has been treated as a black man. The future in this movie is how both men and the players will learn to respect one another and become friends.

[Judith Watson]

The reason Doc and Tony need to be together in the beginning is that Tony needs a job and Doc needs someone who has been highly recommended to protect him as he plays his music in the deep south. Doc is concerned him being a black man will not be safe there so he wants to hire Tony.

The tension in the scene occurs when the Doc tells him he needs someone to do his laundry and shine his shoes which Tony says that’s not the kind of work he does. Then he tells Doc that instead of the $100 per week he offers him, he’ll need 125.

Doc is sophisticated, a snob, talented, feels superior.

Tony is working class guy, he’s tough, he’s the opposite of Doc, unsophisticated.

Their future together consists of Tony guarding Doc, but in order for them to survive the potential prejudice they encounter, they are going to have to address their own prejudices to survive.

[Judith Watson]

The tension between Ringo and Doc is created because we don’t know which one is going to win their fight in the future. Ringo shows off with his gun and Doc counters with his twisting and ability with his cup.

Doc learns that Ringo isn’t an easy target. The man is educated, surprise. He knew he was skilled but he didn’t realize that the guy might be smart too.

The two men stand out from the others because they are willing to go at each other in a second and show off their abilities to the admiring audience.

The drama in the scene is whether these men are going to have a gun battle in the middle of a salon with all the other patrons there.

Both men are skilled; educated.

Doc seems to be drunk but others in the class say he is sick, which makes him a determined man because he is still in this fight.

<font face=”inherit”>Ringo is aggressive and seems to </font>need<font face=”inherit”> to push Doc to the limits to prove that he is better than the doc.</font>

<font face=”inherit”>Doc seems to have a wound when he tells Ringo he hates him because he reminds him of himself. </font>

[Judith Watson]

Right Character Homework scene – Dec. 8, 2022 – Lesson 3 –

“What I learned rewriting my scene/character was I needed to reverse the characters point of view in my scene and the conflict. I had made my main character to enthusiastic and not have any doubts.

Baggar Vance was a traveling angel movie. He comes to Junah when he is hopeless and at the end of the scene we see Junah has a glimpse of hope to live his life. The scene is about golf being a metaphor for life where you learn that life is about living with what you are given.

I thought this information I found out about the book the movie was written from is interesting. Thought I’d share it.

For the record, the character “Bagger Vance” is NOT a black man. The book, “The Legend of Bagger Vance” is a play off of The Bhagavad Gita. The character “Junuh” represents “Arjuna” (a light-skinned Indian warrior) and “Bagger Vance” represents “Krishna” (Arjuna’s dark-skinned friend and advisor). If you are unfamiliar with The Bhagavad Gita, “Krisha” is the incarnation of GOD.

The author, Steven Pressfield, had publicly written about this long before his book was turned into a movie.

And so, in The Legend of Bagger Vance, “Bagger Vance” is NOT a black guy. He is “God” who has taken the temporary form of a man (who happens to be black) in order to assist Junuh. That assistance, however, while superficially about “golf”, is actually about “life” in general, and specifically about “self-realization.”

“Winning a golf tournament” was just the mechanism the author used to convey a much deeper spiritual message (whereas the mechanism used in The Bhagavad Gita was “winning a military battle.”)

Therefore, Spike Lee’s criticism of this movie is very misguided. “Bagger Vance” is NOT a black man… he’s not even a man… he’s one of the unlimited incarnations of God. In fact, it is even suggested that this kind of “divine guidance” is provided to everyone (not just “Junuh”) at all times, if they only openminded enough to receive it. Therefore, complaining about “Bagger Vance” helping a white guy with his golf swing instead of black people who were being lynched is incorrect because the “divine guidance” represented by “Bagger Vance” would also be there to help black people with their problems… but that reality is beyond the scope of the book/movie.

[Judith Watson]

Right Character Homework scene – Dec. 8, 2022 – Lesson 3 –

“What I learned rewriting my scene/character was I needed to reverse the characters point of view in my scene and the conflict. I had made my main character to enthusiastic and not have any doubts.

Baggar Vance was a traveling angel movie. He comes to Junah when he is hopeless and at the end of the scene we see Junah has a glimpse of hope to live his life. The scene is about golf being a metaphor for life where you learn that life is about living with what you are given.

I thought this information I found out about the book the movie was written from is interesting. Thought I’d share it.

For the record, the character “Bagger Vance” is NOT a black man. The book, “The Legend of Bagger Vance” is a play off of The Bhagavad Gita. The character “Junuh” represents “Arjuna” (a light-skinned Indian warrior) and “Bagger Vance” represents “Krishna” (Arjuna’s dark-skinned friend and advisor). If you are unfamiliar with The Bhagavad Gita, “Krisha” is the incarnation of GOD.

The author, Steven Pressfield, had publicly written about this long before his book was turned into a movie.

And so, in The Legend of Bagger Vance, “Bagger Vance” is NOT a black guy. He is “God” who has taken the temporary form of a man (who happens to be black) in order to assist Junuh. That assistance, however, while superficially about “golf”, is actually about “life” in general, and specifically about “self-realization.”

“Winning a golf tournament” was just the mechanism the author used to convey a much deeper spiritual message (whereas the mechanism used in The Bhagavad Gita was “winning a military battle.”)

Therefore, Spike Lee’s criticism of this movie is very misguided. “Bagger Vance” is NOT a black man… he’s not even a man… he’s one of the unlimited incarnations of God. In fact, it is even suggested that this kind of “divine guidance” is provided to everyone (not just “Junuh”) at all times, if they only openminded enough to receive it. Therefore, complaining about “Bagger Vance” helping a white guy with his golf swing instead of black people who were being lynched is incorrect because the “divine guidance” represented by “Bagger Vance” would also be there to help black people with their problems… but that reality is beyond the scope of the book/movie.

[Judith Watson]

Right Character Homework scene – Dec. 8, 2022 – Lesson 3 –

“What I learned rewriting my scene/character was I needed to reverse the characters point of view in my scene and the conflict. I had made my main character to enthusiastic and not have any doubts.

Baggar Vance was a traveling angel movie. He comes to Junah when he is hopeless and at the end of the scene, we see Junah has a glimpse of hope to live his life. The scene is about golf being a metaphor for life where you learn that life is about living with what you are given.

[Judith Watson]

“What I learned rewriting my scene/character is that giving a character a future sets the audience up with expectations of will the character survive the road ahead.

[Judith Watson]

CHARACTER MASTERY CLASS – WEEK 1 – Day 1: Good Will Hunting – Dec. 6, 2022

Post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my script is to create more tension and unanswered questions to what is going to happen.

SETUP FOR THE SCENE: We’ve just met Will (Matt Damon), who is a janitor at MIT. He anonymously solves a genius level problem, then runs when the teacher shows up. Now, he and his friends go to a Harvard bar for fun where someone there is sure to object to them being there – are they looking for trouble?

Watch 1st time for:

What traits do you see or hear in these main characters – Will, Skylar, and Chuckie?TRAITS: WILL: Smart/self-learned – uses smarts to feel good about himselfObservantProtectiveBrave/angry (wound) – “You have a problem with that we’ll go outside and figure it out.” CHUCKIE: impulsive – acts before he thinksConfidentFriendlySKYLAR: she’s not a snob – she responds to ChuckieAcceptingShe’s impressed with knowledgeGenuine

Watch 2nd time for:

What drama did the writers create to trigger and deliver these traits?Poor kids enter the rich and privileged territory – sure to have someone protest them being there and not belongingWhy do you think the group picked a Harvard bar? They seem to be looking for a fight – had pent up energy to get rid of

Daily Focus – Searching for Breakthroughs:

Please watch this scene and provide your insights/breakthroughs into what makes this character great from a writing perspective.Will is unexpected. Here is this poor kid, goes to a prestige’s college and puts out a smart ass knowing more than he does about a subject that the Harvard Kid challenged Chuckie with. The writer’s picked a big contrast between the two groups of kids and set up the future for one of them, Will, to move forward and live up to his abilities instead of staying where he has always been. Read the other writers comments and make notes of any insights/breakthroughs you like.Rethink or create a scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite that scene/character.Post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene/character…?” and post it in the 5 PM daily post in the forums.

[Judith Watson]

Below is the release form. You have one of two choices here:

AGREE, in which case, you Reply to this topic and include three things at the top of the page:

1. Name: Judith Watson

2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

OR

NOT AGREE, in which case, you hit “Reply to this topic” and type in the words “I’ll do the class privately.”

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Judith Watson]

Judith Watson

Written 6 scripts

Hope to learn to write great characters.

I love Basenji dogs. A barkless hound dog from Africa.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Horror Outline – Version 1 – Nov. 9, 2022 – Homework

What I learned doing this assignment is creating the horror emotions before writing should aid in developing the scenes.

ACT 1 – NOTE: OPENING SCENE

1. INT. ASYLUM – DAY

ESSENCE: MARY THE MANIAC escapes from the asylum she has been residing in. She kills three people during her escape back into society.

Horror Situation 1: The insane inmate escapes from the asylum.

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them)

SURPRISE TO PANIC – beginning and scene ending

SURPRISE – An ATTENDANT starts to open Mary the Maniac’s door and it slides open.

FEAR – The Attendant reaches in and turns on the light and sees that Mary’s bed is empty. She pulls her night stick and is startled by ATTENDANT 2.

RELEASE – She’s relieved when she sees she has help. He will go in and check the room. He does and Mary is gone.

FEAR – Attendant 1 races down the hallway and pulls the alarm button. It wakes up the whole asylum and the inmates panic. Scream and holler and bang on their doors to be let out. The WARDEN arrives and the Attendants tell him what the problem is. They each pick a way to search and proceed.

SCARES – Attendant one moves down one corridor leading to the outside door and is attacked by Mary with a baseball bat. She is beaten to a pulp. The second Attendant sees Mary and attacks. She fights back.

RELEASES – Attendant 2 manages to drive Mary back and she runs away. He chases after her.

SCARES – the Warden comes with his gun around the corner and Mary hits him with the baseball bat, knocking the gun from his hand. He is knocked to the floor. He sees Attendant 2 beaten on the ground.

RELEASE – Mary stares at him for a second, laughs, and runs out the asylum doors

Monster reveals – Mary is ruthless and the asylum has security issues allowing inmates to escape.

2. INT. SHRINK’S OFFICE – DAY

ESSSENCE: JANE’S SHRINK assures her that she is ready to conquer her sedetapobia, her fear of silence. This trip to the woods with her fiancé will convince her that she is well.

3. INT. SHRINK’S OFFICE – LOBBY – DAY

ESSENCE: Jane and the Shrink leave her office and go into the lobby where Jane’s fiancé, JAKE waits. Jane introduces him to the Shrink. She thanks him for helping her show Jane that she is ready to face the world and not fear silence.

4. INT. JANE’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jane packs her suitcase. Her dear FRIEND helps her. Soft music plays in the background. They are almost finished. Friend closes the suitcase and stares at Jane.

Jane says, “what?” Her friend replies, “I don’t think you should go. I don’t trust the Shrink.”

“Are you here to help me or hurt me?” To help of course. You’re my best friend. I’ve always watched your back.

Yes, ever since kindergarten. I’ll be okay. I feel strong. Jake will be there. I can call you anytime I need to talk.

5. INT. SHRINK’S OFFICE – DAY

ESSENCE: The Shrink sits behind her desk. A plastic sheet on her desk with white powder spread over it. The shrink takes a straw, collects some of the powder and sucks it up her nose. She sits back in the glory of her habit. “Won’t have to deal with that bitch for three weeks.”

Horror Situation 2: Shrink is a drug addict.

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them) SURPRISE TO DREAD

SURPRISE: the audience is surprised that the Shrink is a drug attack and she is happy that Jane will be out of her hair for a while.

DREAD – the audience is concerned for Jane that she is being guided by an unstable person.

Monster reveals – the Shrink is a drug addict.

6. INT. JAKE’S CAR – DAY

ESSENCE: Jane and Jake ride along enjoying the scenery and discussing their plans for the trip. Soft music plays on the radio. Jane reaches over and turns off the song. Jake looks at her, and she holds her finger up to her mouth. Silence. A big smile graces Jane’s face.

7. EXT. WOODS – DAY

ESSENCE: Jane is getting apprehensive about staying in the woods.

Horror Situation 3 – the woods give a dark and scary feeling as one drives deeper into them.

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them) APPREHENSION – DREAD

APPREHENSION – Jane is unhappy that the woods are so dark during the day. Jake assures her all is okay, and the cabin area is light.

SCARES – a branch falls from a tree and almost hits the car causing Jake to swerve the car.

RELEASE – all is well the car is on the road and they are safe; it did not hit them.

FEAR – Jane is fearful the rest of the drive.

Releases – The area around the cabin is light and gay and the lake is beautiful. Jane is relieved. Happy to be there. Shows joy at the beautiful cabin and area.

Monster reveals – just the darkness during the drive.

8. EXT. CABIN – DAY

ESSENCE: Arriving at the cabin Jane looks a little more relieved. She smiles at Jake.

INT. CABIN – DAY

ESSENCE: Essence of the scene: the caretaker got the cabin ready for Jane and Jake and there are bad people around here and it may not be so safe.

The CARETAKER waves and smiles as the couple exit their car. I just got here. She unlocks the cabin.

INCITING INCIDENT – arrive at the cabin and it is a mess.

Horror Situation 4: the cabin has been broken into and it’s a mess

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them) SHOCK TO SUSPENSE

SHOCK – the cabin is a mess and the food in the refrigerator is spoiled.

ANXIETY – Jane wants to go home and forget about the cabin in the woods vacation. The Caretaker assures her she will clean all up and Jake comforts her and talks her into giving this vacation a try.

SCARES – Jane agrees to give it a try and is scared by a spider that drops from the ceiling.

RELEASES – Jake brushes the spider off and crushes it into the floor. The Caretaker assures her she will clean up the bugs too before they get back from the store.

Monster reveals – Someone is up to something in the cabin and wants to scare of hurt the inhabitants.

9. EXT. CABIN – DAY

ESSENCE: When they leave the cabin, they see a man fishing by their dock. Jake goes up to him and asks what he is doing there. He seems not bothered by Jake’s insistence that he leave. He promises he will.

10. INT. COUNTRY STORE – DAY

ESSENCE: Jake and Jane shop for supplies. As Jane passes a newsstand, she doesn’t notice a newspaper article about a psychiatrist under investigation for using unorthodox practices.

11. EXT. WOODS/EXT. WOODS – OUTSIDE THE CABIN – LATER

PLOT POINT 1 – they arrive back at the cabin and find the fisherman dead and they barely escape with their lives chases by a wild boar.

ESSENCE: Jake and Jane arrive back at the cabin only to find the fisherman dead and a boar is out to kill them.

Horror Situation 5 – The fisherman is dead, and a wild boar is after Jane and Jake.

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them) Anxiety to Panic

Fear – as jake and Jane get closer to the fisherman, Jake calls out and there is no response.

Surprise – the fisherman’s fishing pole slips from his hand and slides into the lake. The fisherman doesn’t react.

Dread – jake and Jane are more and more cautious as they approach the fisherman.

Scare – they see that the fisherman’s face has been bitten off.

Release – Jake calls the police. The phone rings. Both are relieved.

Panic – the phone goes dead, and Jake can’t get it dialing again. Suddenly the boar comes blazing out of the woods and Jane and Jake race toward the cabin.

Monster reveal – there are harmful animals in these woods.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

ESSENCE: Jake and Jane run for their lives through the woods and come upon a cleaning. The boar is nowhere in sight.

EXT. CLEARNING – DAY

ESSENCE: they have outrun the boar but now are surrounded by many others.

HORROR SITUATION 6: Boars threaten Jake and Jane.

12. EXT WOODS – OUTSIDE THE CABIN – LATER

Jake and Jane make it back to the cabin. Nothing in site. The fisherman from the dock not gone but in a different position. Scary. They enter. A soft rustle in the trees.

Horror Situation 7 – The fisherman is gone, and it foretells the death in the cabin. Something besides the boar is here.

Horror Situation 1: The insane inmate escapes from the asylum.

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them) Suspense to Hysteria

Fear – Jane and Jake cuddle and hold one another as the boars circle them coming closer and closer.

SUSPENSE – the boars don’t do anything but move around them making weird noises.

Shock – 1 boar charges and bumps into Jake knocking him down, then retreats.

Dread – the boars suddenly become quiet and stop moving. All is eerily quiet.

Panic – Jane can’t contain herself.

Scares – suddenly a deafening sound from out of the woods and the boars get ready to charge and then stop.

RELEASE – they turn around and leave.

Hysteria – Jane is freaked out believing they will return and refuses to go back to the cabin. Jake manages to calm her down and they race home.

Monster reveals – something besides the boar is here and seems to be controlling them.

13. INT. CABIN – DAY

Jake and Jane are back at the cabin, safe and a police car is there.

Essence: all looks well but isn’t.

Horror Situation 8: Relief to dread

Relief: they approach the policeman in the car.

Shock: he is dead, and they see that his radio is smashed.

Relief: they escape into the cabin, and all is well. They feel safe.

MIDPOINT – escape from the boars to the cabin and find the caretaker dead.

14. INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – NIGHT

ESSENCE: The Caretaker has been killed, and they cannot call out for help.

Horror Situation 9 – Someone is out to get them, and they can’t get help.

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them) fear to horror

Fear – Jane somehow acts like she is okay. She uses a device she used as a child to make herself feel safe. She still bites her lip. Jake decides to load the bodies in the cop car.

Suspense – they are in the police car, but it won’t start.

Scare – a boar comes out of nowhere and charges the car and disappears.

Anxiety – they decide to drive for help, but their car won’t start.

Panic – they both look at one another and race toward the cabin, and lock themselves in.

Release – they made it and are safe. Jane turns on all the sound she can find.

Dread – they keep looking outside for danger.

Suddenly, a boar is ramming the front door, stops and we hear a terrifying sound and when they look outside a masked person is killing the door.

Panic – the couple back away from the window and find things to board up the doors and windows.

Release – they finish boarding, the masked figure is gone. They make some tea. Try to figure out what to do- Find weapons.

Dread – wait

Monster reveal – the lights go out and they are in the dark and all is quiet. Jane repeats her safe talk about being in silence.

15. INT. CABIN – NIGHT

ESSENCE: There is something out there besides the boar who is killing and is out to kill them. They survive the night.

Horror Situation 10: there is someone out there who is a merciless killer and might be out to get them.

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them) dread to hysteria

Fear – Jake will go outside and turn on the lights.

Dread – Jane doesn’t want him to go. She begs him to stay, but he says they need the lights and they monster is gone. He takes protection with him.

Suspense – Jake leaves. Jane waits with a weapon in heand.

Scare – a glass breaks in the kitchen. Jane checks it out and finds a cat in there.

Relief – she pets it and it purrs. Where did you come from?

Shock – Knock at the door, it is Jake, he enters but with him is the masked figure.

Panic – Jane tries to warn Jake. But he just goes over to the figure and removes her mask. It is the shrink.

Hysteria – she and Jake kiss. Jane reacts uncontrollably – she cries, – stops – laughs – points at them and flees upstairs.

Release – she locks herself in the bedroom and searches for a weapon.

PLOT POINT 2 – JAKE AND SHRINK are in this together to drive Jane insane and have her committed.

19. INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – NIGHT

In total freak out mode, Jane scrams, flees into the bedroom. Locks the door. Silence. She hears nothing. She searches the room for a weapon. Stops suddenly. Finds as photo of a little girl and boy. She stares at it. Freddie. Realizes it is her brother.

Horror Situation 11: Jane has been duped by her big brother who she thought she had accidently killed as a kid. FBs: of the horrid fight between Jane and Jake as kids. She faces up to taking care of herself.

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them) shock to release

Fear – Jane hides in the bedroom, searching for a weapon and finds her brother ‘s child photo with her and their mom.

Anguish – Jane has a FB of the fight between her brother and her, where she thought she killed him and was taken to a home for wayward girls.

Dread – Jake bangs on the door and tells her it’s her turn to die.

Release – Jane gets a hold of herself, finds a weapon and escapes out the window before Jake breaks down the door.

21. EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

ESSENCE: Jane escapes in the woods for a while and Jake and Shrink catch up to her.

CLIMAX – JAKE KILLS SHRINK AND JANE IS SO TERRIFIED SHE BECOMES TOTALLY INSANE.

Horror Situation 12: Jane goes mad as Jake terrorizes her.

Horror Emotions: (followed by the action that causes them) Fear – Horror

Fear – she runs like a mania through the woods, stumbling almost, then falling.

Suspense – She tries to get up.

Scare – She hears strange noise approaching her.

Release – It’s a rabbit.

Suspense – She gets up and listens. Feels safe, but

Scare – out of nowhere Jake and Shrink appear and hit at her.

Dread – They beat her down, her trying to protect herself, when she stops, and stares like in a trance.

Suspense – the shrink just stares at her. She laughs and says, “we got her.” Jake tries to speak to her, but Jane is lost, gone.

Shock – Jake looks at the Shrink and shoots her. She falls to the ground a puzzled look on her face.

Horror – Jake lets her lie there while he pulls Jane back through the woods.

INT. MASON HOME FOR THE INSANE – DAY

ESSENCE – Jake talks with a doctor. He tells him that Jane has not responded to the medications they gave her. She hears nothing. He tells Jake he can visit, take her for a walk, but don’t expect anything in return. Jake thanks him and tells him whatever I can do for my little sister.

He goes to Jane. She sits in front of the window in a wheelchair. A blank look on her face.

RESOLUTION – Jane kills Jake and escapes the asylum.

22. EXT. MASON HOME FOR THE INSANE – DAY

Jake wheels Jane down a path past other visitors toward an isolated area. He parks the chair. Sits on the bench next to it. Well, Jane, no more sounds for you. SILENCE is the reward for you hurting me when we were kids, making mom think I was dead and her killing herself in grief. So good to have found you, little sister. Jane’s still head slowly turns toward Jake, she rises from her chair, a harrowing scream, a knife and Jake is dead, stabbed.

The attendants come running. Find Jake dead and Jane disappeared.

Essence of the scene: The fake dutiful brother takes Jane for a walk.

Horror Situation 13: Jane has a surprise for Jake.

Horror Emotions (followed by the action that causes them) Dread – Shock

Dread – Jake wheels Jane into the woods. He parks the wheelchair by a bench at the end of the walkway away from everyone.

Scares – Jake menaces Jane. Telling her what a bad sister she is and he’s glad that she is deaf and stuck in a mental world.

Anxiety – Jake sits satisfied he’s succeeding in paying his sister back for the imagined horror she perpetrated on him.

Surprise – he sits there smiling, when Jane turns toward him, gets up from her chair, bashes in his head with a thick stick, and escapes into the woods.

Releases – Jane is gone, and the attendants freak out.

Monster reveals – Is Jane the monster or did she just get revenge for being punished for something she did not do?

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Scary-as-Hell Scene – L4 – homework

What I learned doing this assignment is how to develop a scene first by creating a horror situation, adding emotions and then actions.

EXT. ASYLUM – NIGHT

The brick building sits in an isolated area by the edge of a forest. The lights blast out of the asylum’s windows casting eery shadows outside.

INT. ASYLUM – HALLWAY/MANIAC MARLA’S ROOM – NIGHT

An ATTENDANT 1 stands in front of room thirteen. She puts the key into the lock, doesn’t turn the key but the door swings open. She steps back. Stares.

She reaches inside and flips on the lights. The inmate’s bed is empty. She listens. Peaks inside.

She backs out and is startled by ATTENDANT 2. SCREAMS.

ATTENDANT 2

Why did you go in there for?

She points stupidly at the room.

ATTENDANT 1

She’s gone.

ATTENDANT 2

Bathroom…she’s gonna get out.

ATTENDANT 1

I don’t think so. I knew this would happen.

ATTENDANT 2

Get a grip.

Attendant 2 enters the room.

INT. MANIAC MARLA’S ROOM – NIGHT

Attendant 2 moves slowly. Flashing a light about the room. He checks under the bed. Then the bathroom.

ATTENDANT 2

Sound the alarm. Maniac Marla is gone.

INT. ASYLUM – HALLWAY – NIGHT

Attendant 1 runs down the hallway. She gets to an alarm on the wall and pulls. The blaring sound is deafening. It wakes everyone up as evidenced by screams and shouts. The luny been has gone luny. The inmates pound on their doors wanting to be released.

The asylum’s WARDEN appears drousy and half-way dressed.

WARDEN

What the fuck is going on?

ATTENDANT 2

Maniac Marla is gone.

WARDEN

Gone. No way.

ATTENDANT 1

Yes, sir.

WARDEN

Who pulled the fucking alarm?

Attendant 1 reluctantly raises her hand.

WARDEN

Well find her.

Each attendant goes in a different direction. The Warden shakes his head. He watches his help freak out, then joins in the search.

He checks the door of each room. The rest are locked.

As he moves down the hallway, he hears a window breaking. He moves in the direction of the sound. Stops short. Attendant’s 2 body lays sprawled out on the ground. He looks about.

Approaches the Attendant, feels his neck when suddenly out of nowhere Maniac Marla appears. She swings a bat and connects with the Warden’s head. He falls to the ground.

Maniac Marla reaches down and pulls the asylum’s keys from around his neck.

She sashays toward the double doors. Cooly unlocks them. She pushes both the doors open and disappears.

Attendant 1 comes around the corner. She sees the bodies on the floor and the open doors.

ATTENDANT 1

There’s gonna be hell to pay.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s L-13: 20 Scares and creepy Moments – HOMEWORK

What did I learn doing this assignment is all the preparation that we have done is a great help.

EXT. WOODS – CONTINUOUS – DAY

They rush toward the cabin, but before they can get there a wild boar bolts from the trees and springs toward them cutting off their path to the building.

Jake and Jane halt. Their mouths wide open. The beast and couple stare at one another. Neither moving an inch.

JAKE

Run………

They take off into the trees. The boar stares, motionless. Then lurches after the couple.

Running as fast as they can, Jake and Jane hurry through the woods. Dodging rocks and trees, thrilled that the boar isn’t catching up. Jake stumbles, laughs as he almost falls.

Jane holds Jake’s hand as they continue into the trees, the light growing dark as the trees become closer and closer to each other.

When suddenly, light, a clearing. Jake and Jane race to the center. Stop. Look around. No boar.

They laugh.

JAKE

We outran a boar. How about that.

His chest puffs up. Smiles at Jane.

Jane looks around. Some of the trees are green and full. Other trees, a strange dying off on one side creates a curtain of brown. Jane stares at the trees. Looks around.

JANE

It’s so quiet.

JAKE

Thank goodness. Would you rather hear a boar squealing.

JANE

No…but it’s so quiet.

Jake sighs…

JAKE

You’re not gonna start that again.

Jane wrinkles her nose.

JANE

You smell that. The boar must be here.

Jake smells.

JAKE

It’s your imagination. We’re safe. Let’s go back to the cabin.

She takes Jake’s hand.

JANE

You’re right.

They walk hand in hand when suddenly out of the trees a crash of boars come charging at them. They stop in their tracks. The sound the boars make is unbearable. Jane covers her ears.

Forcing them to the center of the clearing, the boars creep toward them ceating an unescapable barrier. Jane and Jake hold one another. Close their eyes for the inevitable attack.

The boars circle them making their weird sounds, but don’t attack. Around and around they go, slowly, deliberately, circling the couple closing in tighter and tighter. occasionally one bumps into them.

JANE

I love you, Jake.

Jake doesn’t return the message. He stares at the beasts readying himself for one brave defense.

Snaring, snorting and making their weird sounds, the boars move closer and closer when a blast of sound from somewhere shatters the boars’ cacophony. They stop in their tracks.

Turn and leave. The couple watches them depart. Wait until they disappear into the trees. They look at one another, jump up and down and twirl and skip.

JANE

They’re gone…they’re gone.

JAKE

They’re gone.

Jane stops her joyous dance. Her face turns ashen.

JANE

Do you smell that?

Jake shakes his head.

He moves forward, but Jane holds back. She rocks back and forth. Jake glares at her, then realizes his mistake when Jane pulls away from him.

JANE

What if the boars are waiting in the trees?

Gently and sweetly…

JAKE

You’d rather wait here, Jane? We can make a break for the cabin.

She looks around. Takes Jake’s arm. He pats her hand. Puts his arm around her. Kisses her on the cheek. But she won’t move.

JAKE

I’ll protect you. Didn’t I promise? Haven’t I already?

Still no movement when out of the trees a dead rat falls on Jane’s shoulder. She screams. Takes off in a run so fast through the trees that Jake can’t catch up to her.

She dodges and jumps rocks and fallen branches. Puts on more speed when she spots the cabin.

She halts at the front door and waits for Jake to catch up to her. Jake reaches her and shakes his head.

JAKE

A rat. You can run that fast from a stinking dead rat.

Jane shrugs her shoulders.

Jake unlocks the cabin’s door and they enter.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Level 3 Emotions (anguish, panic, horror, hysteria) L-12 horror scene (PP2)

What I learned doing this assignment is to use the emotions that mostly occur in act 3: anguish, panic, horror, hysteria.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Candles are the only light in the room. Jake holds Jane as they cuddle on the couch. Jane hums.

JAKE

You’re shivering.

JANE

It’s nothing.

JAKE

Come on, what’s wrong. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.

Jane cuddles closer.

JANE

Dark.

JAKE

Not so much, the candles give great light. Look. See. You can see all around. Make out objects.

Suddenly standing, Jane sways back and forth as she hums louder. Jake gets up and moves to her.

JAKE

Stop it, Jane.

JANE

Why did you bring me here?

JAKE

It’s gonna be okay.

He tries to hug her, but she pulls away.

JANE

Sing, do something.

Jake slowly approaches Jane and puts his arms around her.

JAKE

Okay, I’m gonna get the lights back on. We’ll be able to better defend outselves.

JANE

The box is outside.

JAKE

Haven’t heard it for over an hour. Probably went to sleep.

Pulling gently away from her, he takes the barrier away from the door. He gives Jane a baseball bat.

JAKE

Anyone besides me comes through that door you surprise them and knock them out.

JANE

I can’t.

JAKE

You can, and you will.

Pulling on the door, he motions for Jane to get ready. She takes a stand by the door.

Jake moves outside.

Jane listens. She can hear his footsteps crunching the leaves as he moves away from the door.

She bites her lip. Tears roll down her face. She listens. It’s silent.

Pumping her hands up and down she suddenly stops when the lights blare on.

JANE

Get a hold of yourself, Jane. You’re a grown woman. Jake is counting on you.

She moves closer to the door. Places her ear against the wood. Almost falls over when a loud knock breaks the silence.

Frozen like a deer, Jane stares. Releases her fear. Holds her bat up, ready to strike.

Another knock…

JAKE

Jane, it’s me.

A big sigh. She unlocks the latch, and let’s Jake in, moves way from the swing open door.

But he’s not alone. The masked It follows behind him.

JANE

Jake, watch out…

Jane backs away. Terror smears her pretty face into a grotesque image.

She stops and stares as Jake and It stop. They look at one another. Jake smiles.

It pulls off her mask…it’s Jane’s Shrink.

JANE

What’s happening. This can’t be.

They step closer to one another and kiss.

A deafening SCREAM from Jane. She races up the stairs.

Jake and the Shrink stare after her. A smirk.

JAKE

I guess I better go rescue her.

He grabs a lit candle and marches up the stairs.

INT. CABIN – HALLWAY – NIGHT

Jake stops in front of the bedroom door. He tries the knob.

JAKE

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

He swishes the candle under the door.

JAKE

I’ve got fire. You know fire, Jane.

INT. CABIN – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jane smells the fire. She backs off. Stands silent. She looks around for a weapon. She finds a pitcher. Fills it with water.

Jake knocks at the door again.

JAKE

I’ve got more candles. Lit. Fire. You like fire, don’t you, Jane?

JANE

Why are you doing this?

JAKE

No memories…is it that easy to forget. I haven’t forgotten.

Jane stares at the door. She paces back and forth. Then suddenly a look of remembrance on her face.

JANE

Ronnie?

INT. CABIN – HALLWAY – NIGHT

A big smile on Jake’s face.

JAKE

Hi, Sis. Thought I was dead did you? You tried your best but you failed. As with everything. You failed.

JANE

Why are you doing this?

JAKE

Why, you fucking little, bitch. You tried to kill me then you killed mom.

JANE

It was an accident. You were the one playing with fire. I tried to put it out.

JAKE

Yah, and lit it more on fire.

JANE

I didn’t know. I grabbed the first wet thing I could find.

JAKE

It that what you’re holding now? The first wet thing you could find? If I put this door on fire, you could go up in flames like I did.

JANE

Jake, I’m sorry.

JAKE

Fuck you. You not only tried to kill me, but you killed mom.

JANE

I did not.

JAKE

She committed suicide because she thought I was dead. I was her favorite you know. You took the life away from her when the doc told her there was little hope for me.

JANE

No one told me.

Jake looses it. Shrink has joined him and hands him a pitcher of liquid. He throws it on the door. Lights it with the candle.

It bursts into flame.

INT. CABIN – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jane backs away from the inferno. She throws the pitcher of water on the fire, but it doesn’t do anything. She searches for something to extinguish the flame to no avail.

She moves to the window, climbs out.

EXT. CABIN – ROOF – NIGHT

She crawls around the building searching for a place to climb down to safety.

INT. CABIN – HALLWAY – NIGHT

Jake pounds on the fire infused door with a hatchet smashing it in. It falls to the ground.

He moves around the flames searches for Jane. Sees that the window is open and she is gone.

JAKE

Fuck, she got away.

He gets a fire extinguisher and puts out the blaze. He runs down the stares while Shrink stays behind to make sure the cabin is safe by extinguishing any recurring fire.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Level 1 Emotion Scene – L-10

What did I learn doing this excitement is all the preparation that we have done is a great help.

INT./EXT. CAR – DAY

Jake cusses under his breath when he sees the Ronald on his dock. His fishing gear piled next to him sitting in a chair.

JAKE

What the fuck…I told him go away.

He exits his Mercedes and steps in a mud puddle. It sloshes on his shoes.

EXT. DOCK – DAY

Jake races toward the fisherman.

Jane moves out of the car. She watches Jake move toward the dock. Bites at her lip.

As Jake approaches, Ronald’s fishing pole arches into a ninety-degree angle and slips into the lake below.

When Ronald doesn’t respond to losing his fishing pole, it stops Jake in his tracks. He proceeds slowly and cautiously up to the man.

JAKE

Hey, you…

No answer.

JAKE

I’m talking to you.

Standing back at a distance and moving slowly, Jane twists her hair.

JANE

What’s going on?

Jake motions for her to be quiet. She stops. Watches as Jake moves around to the front of Ronald.

JAKE

Fucking A….

He motions for Jane to stay back, but she can’t help herself. She darts to Ronald. Touches her throat. One look at Ronal’s face and she screams! She pulls back into herself.

JAKE

Damned if I know.

Jake looks closer at Ronald’s face. Touches him. No response.

JANE

Look at his face.

JAKE

I see it.

Moving in to feel his face, Jane reaches, closes her hands, then pulls back.

JANE

It looks like a bite mark.

Pulling out his cellphone, Jake dials.

JAKE

Fucking A. Outta of power.

JANE

I’ll get my phone from the cabin.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Level 2 Emotion Scene – L-11 – HOMEWORK

What did I learn doing this excitement is all the preparation that we have done is a great help.

EXT. WOODS – CONTINUOUS – DAY

They rush toward the cabin, but before they can get there a wild boar bolts from the trees and springs toward them cutting off their path to the building.

Jake and Jane halt. Their mouths wide open. The beast and couple stare at one another. Neither moving an inch.

JAKE

Run………

They take off into the trees. The boar stares, motionless. Then lurches after the couple.

Running as fast as they can, Jake and Jane hurry through the trees. Dodging rocks and trees, thrilled that the boar isn’t catching up. Jake stumbles, laughs at his almost fall.

Jane holds Jake hand as they continue into the trees, the light growing dark as the trees become closer and closer to each other.

When suddenly, light, a clearing. Jake and Jane race to the center. Stop. Look around. No boar.

They laugh.

JAKE

We outran a boar. How about that.

His chest puffs up. Smiles at Jane.

Jane looks around. Some of the trees are green and full. Other trees, a strange dying off on one side creates a curtain of brown. Jane stares at the trees. Looks around.

JANE

It’s so quiet.

JAKE

Thank goodness. Would you rather hear a boar squealing.

JANE

No…but it’s so quiet.

Jake sighs…

JAKE

You’re not gonna start that again. There’s nothing here.

JANE

No, listen….nothing.

Jake obeys.

JAKE

Yah, nothing.

JANE

No birds, no sounds. There is always some sound.

JAKE

They just aren’t in this part of the forest. Come on…let’s go back to the cabin. I’ll take care of you. I promised I would. Haven’t I so far.

JANE

Yes…I’m sorry. It’s just the silence.

JAKE

That’s what we’re here to prove. You like the silence now. Silence is your friend. Remember what Miss Headright said.

JANE

Silence is my friend…silence is my friend…silence is my friend.

She takes Jake’s hand.

JANE

I’m sorry. Silly me. Silence is my friend. Silence is my friend.

They move toward the cabin when suddenly a crash of boars come barreling toward them. They stop in their tracks. The sound they make is unbearable. Jane covers her ears.

Forcing them to the center of the clearning, boars creep toward them. Forming a circle around them. Jane and Jake hold one another. Close their eyes for the inevitable attack.

They boars move around them making their weird sounds, but don’t attack. Around and around they go, slowly, deliberately, circling the couple closing in tighter and tighter.

JANE

I love you, Jake.

Jake doesn’t return the message. He stares at the beasts readying himself for one brave defense.

Snaring, snorting and making their weird sounds, the boars move closer and closer when a blast of sound from somewhere shatters the boars’ cacophony. They stop in their tracks.

Turn and leave.

Jake and Jane jump up and down. They twirl and skip.

JANE

They’re gone…they’re gone.

JAKE

They’re gone.

Jane stops her joyous dance. Her face turns ashen.

JANE

Where did that sound come from?

JAKE

Who cares…let’s get out of here.

He moves forward, but Jane holds back. She rocks back and forth. Jake glares at her, then realizes his mistake when Jane pulls away from him.

JANE

What if the boars are waiting in the trees?

Gently and sweetly…

JAKE

You’d rather wait here, Jane? We can make a break for the cabin.

JANE

But the sound…

She looks around. Takes Jake’s arm. He pats her hand. Puts his arm around her. Kisses her on the cheek.

JANE

The cabin will be safer.

JAKE

I’ll protect you. Didn’t I promise? Haven’t I already?

Jane nods. Cuddles into him. They proceed into the trees.

[Judith Watson]

JUDITH’S HORROR OUTLINE – VERSION 1 – L9 – HOMEWORK

WHAT I LEARNED

ACT 1 –

INT. SHRINK’S OFFICE – DAY

JANE’S SHRINK assures her that she is ready to conquer her sedetapobia. This trip to the woods with her fiance will convince that she is well.

They leave her office and go into the lobby where Jane’s fiance, JAKE waits. Jane introduces hime to the shrink. She thanks him for helping her show Jane that she is ready to face the world.

INT. JANE’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jane packs her suitcase. Her dear FRIEND helps her. Soft music plays in the background. They are almost finished. Friend closes the suitcase and stares at Jane.

She says, “what?” I don’t think you should go. I don’t trust the Shrink.

“Are you here to help me or hurt me?” To help of course. You’re my best friend. I’ve always watched your back.

Yes, ever since kindergarten. I’ll be okay. I feel strong. Jake will be there. I can call you anytime I need to talk.

INT. SHRINK’S OFFICE – DAY

The Shrink sits behind her desk. A plastic sheet on her desk with white powder spread over it. The shrink takes a straw, collects some of the powder and sucks it up her nose. She sits back in the glory of her habit. “Won’t have to deal with that bitch for three weeks.”

INT. JAKE’S CAR – DAY

Jane and Jake ride along enjoying the scenery and discussing their plans for the trip. Soft music plays on the radio. Jane reaches over and turns on the song. Jake looks at herand she holds her finger up to her mouth. Silence. A big smile graces Jane’s face.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

As they drive into the trees a soft breeze rustles through the trees. A concerned look on Jane’s face.

Jake wants to know what’s wrong. I didn’t know it would be so dark. Not by the cabin Jake assures her.

There’s a lake and open spaces along with the trees.

EXT. CABIN – DAY

Arriving at the cabin Jane looks a little more relieved. She smiles at Jake.

The CARETAKER waves and smiles as the couple exit there car. I just got here. She unlocks the cabin.

They enter. The Caretaker is horrified. Things are thrown about and it’s a mess.

I cleaned this up yesterday. Got it ready for you. I don’t know what happened. Must have been some teenagers pulling a prank. She inspects the rest of the cabin while Jane ane Jake shrug their shoulders. Jane whispers to Jake that she wishes they could leave. He assures her all is well.

The Caretaker rushes from the kitchen. This is the worst they’ve ever done. The food is spoiled. I’ll go to the store and get supplies.

Jake assures her that they can shop. She better clean up this place by the time they get back. She humbly apolgizes.

ACT 2 –

EXT. CABIN – DAY

When they leave the cabin, they see a man fishing by their dock. Jake goes up to him and asks what he is doing there. He seems not bothered by Jake’s insistence that he leave. He promises he will.

INT. COUNTRY STORE – DAY

Jake and Jane shop for supplies. As Jane passes a newsstand she doesn’t notice a newspaper article about a psychiatrist under investigation for using unorthodox practices.

EXT. WOODS -LATER

Jake and Jane arrives back at the cabin. When Jake exists the car he notices that the fisherman sits in his chair on the dock. He calls to him. The guy ignores him.

Jake rushes up to the him. Jane follows. What’s wrong she says. Jake faces the fisherman and sees that his face looks like a bite mark on his cheek. He pushes on him and the man falls over.

Jane screams. What’s going on here?

They rush toward the cabin but before they can get there, they are attacked by a wild boar. In order to keep from being bunted, they race into the woods. They run and run finally getting to an opening in the trees. It is a circle surrounded by the pines.

They listen. All is creepily silent. It’s so silent. I kept stand the silence. But the silence is not all that is wrong. Soon a group of boars surround them. They take each other’s hands expecting the worse, when a weird sound from nowhere bursts on the scene. The boars stop in their tracks and run away. They look at one another and laugh in relief. Let’s get out of here. Jake leads the way back to the cabin.

EXT WOODS – OUTSIDE THE CABIN – LATER

Jake and Jane make it back to the cabin. Nothing in site. The fisherman from the dock is gone. They enter. A soft rustle in the trees.

INT. CABIN – DAY

As they enter, they see that the caretaker has done a beautiful job. Jane is relieved. She’s impressed. Jake tells Jane he will get the groceries from the car.

They put the groceries into the refrigerator. Hug one another and sigh a relief.

Jane goes into the bedroom. We hear a scream. Jake rushes into the room.

INT. CABIN – BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jane stands pointing to the caretaker lying on the floor. Jake moves over to her and touches her neck. She’s dead.

Jane freaks out. Jake comforts her. He tries to use his phone but there is not reception. He tries Jane’s phone. It doesn’t work either.

Panicking, Jane jumps up and down. Jake calms her. He tells her he’ll take the body outside. They can get help tomorrow. The roads are too dark to drive at night. He leaves with the caretaker. Jane puts on as much sounds as she can find in the cabin. Jake is gone for awhile. Suddenly, he bursts into the cabin.

He shouts when he enters, “lock the doors, the boar is back.”

The boar rams against the door repeatedly. He starts to give way. Then the boar stops and horrible squealing sounds are heard. They look out the window and see a figure with a mask hacking the pig to death.

Who is this person. Are they here to help. Jane starts to open the door, but Jake cautions her. If she’s here to help why is she wearing a mask.

They try to figure out what to do. They barricade up the windows and other doors. Wait in silence, but the mask figure just stands there. Jane is freaking out from the silence but Jake comforts her. The figure doesn’t attack the whole night.

EXT. CABIN – DAY

Jake lifts the caretaker’s body into the car while Jane watches. He tells her he’ll be right back, but Jane jumps into the car. Jake gets in. He pushes on the ignition, but the car won’t start.

They decide to go back into the cabin and plan what they will do. They start to the cabin when Jane stops in her tracks. She points to the dock. Jake wants to know what is wrong. The body, the body of the fisherman is gone.

?????ADD THAT THEY WALK FOR HELP….weather, rain, flooded out bridge

INT. CABIN – AFTERNOON

Jake and Jane return to the cabin. They decide to have lunch. They’ve settled down. They decide to walk to town and get the sheriff. They grab their coats, start to leave when there is a BANGING on the door. They look out the window and the masked figure is back. It bangs on the door and around the cabin. It bangs on the back door.

They find weapons to defend themselves. Much banging. Threatening. Then silence. Jane runs around turning on all the things that will make sounds. A big roar in the room. Jake tries to get her to settle down when suddenly the lights and all sound stop. Jake, it’s pulled the electrical feed. I’ll have to go outside to fix it.

Jane doesn’t want him to. He insists he must. He arms himself. Creeps outside. Jane waits in terror. Suddenly, Jake knocks on the door. Let me in, it’s back. He succeeds in entering. Jane bolts the door.

The creature bangs on the door again. Jane is hysterical. Jake can’t calm her. He tries over and over, to no avail. When suddenly he stops. Pushes Jane away. And opens the door. He lets it in. Moves over to her, pulls off her mask, it’s the shrink, he kisses her.

In total freak out mode, Jane scrams, flees into the bedroom. Locks the door. Silence. She hears nothing. She searches the room for a weapon. Stops suddenly. Finds as photo of a little girl and boy. She stares at it. Freddie.

FB memory of her and her older brother. They have a terrible fight. He is taken away in an ambulance. She is hauled off to a home. Her mother has disowned her. Later she commits suicide.

She stands tall. Raises the weapon she has found. Crawls out the bedroom window. Jake and Shrink break down the door and see that she has escaped.

They chase her through the woods. Catch her. She’s frantic. They creep toward her. Jake pulls out a gun. She screams. He shoots the shrink. She sinks to the ground with a quizzical look on his face. Thanks for your help, shrink. Jane is completely out of it. He bangs her hard on the head. He drags her to his car. Drives off.

INT. MASON HOME FOR THE INSANE – DAY

Jake talks with a doctor. He tells him that Jane has not responded to the medications they gave her. She hears nothing. He tells Jake he can visit, take her for a walk, but don’t expect anything in return. Jake thanks him and tells him whatever I can do for my little sister.

He goes to Jane. She sits in front of the window in a wheel chair. A blank look on her face.

EXT. MASON HOME FOR THE INSANE – DAY

Jake wheels Jane down a path past other visitors toward an isolated area. He parks the chair. Sits on the bench next to it. Well, Jane, no more sounds for you. SILENCE is the reward for you hurting me when we were kids, making mom think I was dead and her killing herself in grief. So good to have found you, little sister. Jane’s still head slowly turns toward Jake, she rises from her chair, a harrowing scream, a knife and Jake is dead, stabbed.

The attendants come running. Find Jake dead and Jane disappeared.

[Judith Watson]

JUDITH’S CHARACTER JOURNEYS – L8 – Homework

What I learned doing this assignment is that there are many parts to developing a horror script.

1. With each of your Survivors and Victims, answer the following questions:

A. What is their Character Profile: JANE (2)

Role: victim, Traits: kind, empathetic Fears: silence; she has sedetaphobiaWants/Needs: to have a good time on her vacation; she needs to get over her fear of silenceLikability / Rooting factors:How they react under stress: blunt and aggressive – reveal an inner toughnessRelationship with other characters: gives more than she gets

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: she is in the shrink’s office ready to tackle her test to see if the treatments for her sedetaphobia have workedDenial: her friend cautions her about going to the woods, but she assures her she has complete faith in her shrinkTheir reaction at first horror: becomes hystericalRelation to group after first horror: clingyHow they fight back: she does what Jake tells her to doEnd Point: she becomes the monsterWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Talk things out, forgive to survive.

A. What is their Character Profile: JAKE (3)

Role: leader. Traits: egotistical; achieverFears: people will not think he is the bestWants/Needs: wants to get revenge on Jane for harm she did to him as a kid; needs to forgive herLikability / Rooting factors:How they react under stress: can become listless, apathetic, all a ruse to fool JaneRelationship with other characters: he promises to take care of Jane but all along he is setting her up for the “kill.”

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: we meet him outside of the shrink’s office when he first meets the shrink while picking Jane up from her session.Denial: that he is wrong to take revengeTheir reaction at first horror: he pretends braveryRelation to group after first horror: he is strong fast actingHow they fight back: he takes all precautions to keep Jane safeEnd Point: he is killed by JaneWhat insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Forgive heals not only the other but you.

A. What is their Character Profile: SHRINK (3)

Role: monster pretending to be Jane’s rescuerTraits: ambitious; cheatFears: not being seen as the bestWants/Needs: to help Jake terrify Jane: needs to see that what he wants is wrong.Likability / Rooting factors:How they react under stress: she’s strong and capableRelationship with other characters:

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: see her be kind and caring and supportive of Jane and then she goes into her office and takes drugsDenial:Their reaction at first horror: she rejoices at her successRelation to group after first horror: How they fight back:End Point:What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? People are not always what they seem to be.

A. What is their Character Profile: JANE’S FRIEND

Role: friend that warns Jane she doesn’t trust the shrinkTraits: straightforwardFears: Wants/Needs: wants Jane to believe herLikability / Rooting factors:How they react under stress:Relationship with other characters: kind but tells her what she thinks

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: when Jane is leaving she is helping her pack and tells her her concernsDenial: Their reaction at first horror:Relation to group after first horror:How they fight back:End Point:What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience?

A. What is their Character Profile: CARETAKER (1)

Role: get the cabin ready for guestsTraits: perfectionisticFears: that she will do wrongWants/Needs: to get the cabin ready for the guestsLikability / Rooting factors:How they react under stress: she gets angry Relationship with other characters:

B. What is their Character Journey for this story?

Character Intro: she comes over to the cabin to find out what the complaint isDenial: she had everything ready; some monster did thisTheir reaction at first horror:Relation to group after first horror:How they fight back:End Point: she cleans the cabin while Jane and Jake go to the store.What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience?

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Horror Situation Track – L5 – Homework

What I learned doing this assignment is I was surprised to thinking in steps instead of the way I usually do things, is starting to make sense to me.

ACT 1 – SET UP THE HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established: Jane is advised by her psychiatrist to take a vacation in the woods with her finance to get away from the city noise and stress to prove to herself that silence is no longer a problem for her.

Horror Situation: Jane’s shrink assures her that she will be only a phone call away and her finance, Jake will be with her. Jane leaves and the shrink goes to her desk, snorts some cocaine, and says, “Glad to get rid of that bitch for a couple of weeks.”

DEMAND: why does the shrink pretend to care about Jane.

MONSTER REVEAL: something if off about the shrink – she’s a drug addict.

Reaction – Escape: she agrees to go on the “silence” trip to the cabin in the woods.

Horror Situation:

Connect with the characters: Jane’s friend is concerned and wonders if it’s not too soon to be trying this new technique.

DEMAND: why is Jane’s friend concerned that the treatment won’t work

MONSTER REVEAL:

Denial of Horror: Jane assures her friend that her shrink is the best and she trusts her.

Safety taken away: Upon arriving at the cabin, Jane discovers that the cabin they are staying in is not prepared. The food in the refrigerator is spoiled.

DEMAND: why isn’t the cabin ready for Jane and Jake?

MONSTER REVEAL: the caretaker insists that she got the cabin ready for them and someone put in the spoiled food and mess things up.

Horror Situation: the cabin is not ready for them: food spoiled in refrigerator and cabin is dirty. The caretaker swears that she got everything ready yesterday in anticipation of their arrival. She will go to the store and get supplies. The cabin and surrounding area are eerily quiet.

Reaction – Jane freaks out and wants to go home, but Jake talks her into giving it a try and they can get supplies at the store they passed on the way to the cabin.

Horror Situation: they start to leave for the store and a strange man is fishing in the lake by their house. His presence scares Jane. She hates the woods.

DEMAND: Jake sees an newspaper article in the store saying a psychiatrist is under investigation but he doesn’t tell Jane about it.

MONSTER REVEAL: Jake is protecting Jane to not upset her and get her anxious.

Reaction – Denial: Jake insists all will be okay. Trust me. We’ll get the groceries, and the caretaker will clean the cabin while we are gone.

Monster: Jake and Jane return from the store and see the fisherman laying by the lake.

DEMAND: Why and what or who killed the fisherman?

MONSTER REVEAL: The fisherman has some kind of sweetness on him that lured the pigs to him to kill him.

DEMAND: how did the sweetness get on the fisherman?

MONSTER REVEAL: some mysterious force is up to no good.

Character Death 1: the fisherman

Why: to scare the audience

How: by wild boar

Horror Situation: They check on him. He is dead and his face looks bitten.

Reaction: They try to call for help, but the phone gets no reception.

Horror Situation: They start to move the body to place him in the shed and they are attacked by a wild boar.

Reaction: They leave the body and try to get into the cabin, but the boar stops them and chases them into the woods.

DEMAND: where did the boar come from?

MONSTER REVEAL: the monster set it up that when Jane looked to see what was wrong with the fisherman, she stepped into gooped placed in the dirt.

DEMAND: Jane wants to know what is going on.

MONSTER REVEAL: when she goes into the cabin to get her cell phone it is missing.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: they are surrounded by other wild boars.

Horror Situation: The boars surround them. They look for a weapon and cannot find anything.

Reaction: they look at one another ready for the worse. when a horrible sound comes from nowhere and scares the boars away. They race back to the cabin and lock themselves in.

Horror Situation: the boars close in and are ready to attack when a horrible sound comes from out of nowhere and frightens away the boars.

Reaction: They race back to the cabin and lock themselves in.

Horror Situation:

Character Death: One of us is killed –

Horrible Situation: When they get back to the cabin, they find the caretaker dead.

Reaction: Jane freaks out. Jake calms her and covers the caretaker’s body.

Character Death 2: the caretaker

Why: to freak out the main character, Jane.

How: her throat is slashed

MIDPOINT – THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

Full pursuit by the killer: All is quiet. Jane settles down. Gets ahold of herself. She and Jake have a quiet evening.

Horror Situation: They hear the pig outside again snorting around the cabin when suddenly the snorting changes to squealing. When they look outside, they see a woman wearing a horrible mask, killing the pig.

Reaction: they board up the cabin.

Horror Situation: All gets quiet and then banging rattles the door.

Reaction: Jake assures Jane whatever that is won’t be able to get in.

Terrorized:

ACT 3 – FULL HOUR HORROR

Fight to the death: Jane and Jake arm themselves with items they find in the cabin.

Horror Situation: They hear the monster trying to get in through the windows, but to no avail.

Reaction: they stand ready to defend themselves.

Horror Situation: They think they are safe, when the banging and threatening sounds come from different places. Then suddenly stop. SILENCE.

Reaction: Jane freaks out starts singing and putting on any sounds she can find in the cabin. Jane sees that Jake is scared too. It freaks her out.

Hysteria: All power goes out. Jane completely freaks. Jake is not help. She tries to get his help, but he just stands there.

Horror Situation: Jake opens the door and the masked woman enters.

Reaction: Jane can’t believe what Jake has done. He just stands there.

Horror Situation: The masked woman takes off her mask and it is the shrink. Jake goes over and they kiss.

Reaction: Jane freaks out and runs into the bedroom and locks the door.

The thrilling escape from death: Jane escapes through the bedroom window.

Horror Situation: As she crawls out the window, she hears Jake and the shrink calling for her. They break the door down and see that she is gone.

Reaction: They chase after her, taunting her. They grow silent. Creep after her.

Horror Situation: Jane puts her hands over her ears in terror. She can’t make noise, they will find her. She can’t stand the silence; it freaks her out.

Reaction: she gets a hold of herself and looks for an escape.

Death returns to take one or more:

Horror Situation: she creeps through the woods, ever watchful, when she sees Jake kill the shrink. Jake tells her he knows she is near and next.

Character death 3: the shrink

Why: Jane’s fiancé is crazy and out for revenge and wants no witnesses.

How: he kills her by twisting he neck and breaking her neck.

Reaction: terrified, she runs.

Horror Situation: Jake catches up to her, but instead of killing her, he hits her ears so hard that she can’t hear. She’s stuck in silence.

Reaction: she collapses to the ground. Jake picks her up and carries her to a hidden vehicle.

Resolution:

Horror Situation: We see Jane sitting alone in an asylum music blaring around her.

Reaction: She is completely unaware of any sound and sits staring out a window and blank look on her face.

Horror Situation:

Reaction:

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Character Death Track – L6- homework

What I learned doing this assignment is I am getting more comfortable using the Horror movie script development technique.

Character 1 – Fisherman

Why: to scare the audience that all is not well

How: Via attach by wild boar

Character 2 – Caretaker

Why: to freak out our main character, Jane

How: her throat is slashed

Character 3 – the shrink

Why: the fiancé is crazy and ut for revenge and wants no witnesses

How: it’s a twist when we learn she is working with Jake to terrify Jane and kills her. Surprise.

He kills her via twisting her throat and breaking her neck.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Horror Situation Track – L5 – Homework

What I learned doing this assignment is I was surprised to thinking in steps instead of the way I usually do things, is starting to make sense to me.

ACT 1 – SET UP THE HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established: Jane is advised by her psychiatrist to take a vacation in the woods with her finance to get away from the city noise and stress to prove to herself that silence is no longer a problem for her.

Horror Situation: Jane’s shrink assures her that she will be only a phone call away and her finance, Jake will be with her. Jane leaves and the shrink goes to her desk, snorts some cocaine, and says, “Glad to get rid of that bitch for a couple of weeks.”

Reaction – Escape: she agrees to go on the “silence” trip to the cabin in the woods.

Horror Situation:

Connect with the characters: Jane’s friend is concerned and wonders if it’s not too soon to be trying this new technique.

Denial of Horror: Jane assures her friend that her shrink is the best and she trusts her.

Safety taken away: Upon arriving at the cabin, Jane discovers that the cabin they are staying in is not prepared. The food in the refrigerator is spoiled.

Horror Situation: the cabin is not ready for them: food spoiled in refrigerator and cabin is dirty. The caretaker swears that she got everything ready yesterday in anticipation of their arrival. She will go to the store and get supplies. The cabin and surrounding area are eerily quiet.

Reaction – Jane freaks out and wants to go home, but Jake talks her into giving it a try and they can get supplies at the store they passed on the way to the cabin.

Horror Situation: they start to leave for the store and a strange man is fishing in the lake by their house. His presence scares Jane. She hates the woods.

Reaction – Denial: Jake insists all will be okay. Trust me. We’ll get the groceries, and the caretaker will clean the cabin while we are gone.

Monster: Jake and Jane return from the store and see the fisherman laying by the lake.

Horror Situation: They check on him. He is dead and his face looks bitten.

Reaction: They try to call for help, but the phone gets no reception.

Horror Situation: They start to move the body to place him in the shed and they are attacked by a wild boar.

Reaction: They leave the body and try to get into the cabin, but the boar stops them and chases them into the woods.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted: they are surrounded by other wild boars.

Horror Situation: The boars surround them. They look for a weapon and cannot find anything.

Reaction: they look at one another ready for the worse. when a horrible sound comes from nowhere and scares the boars away. They race back to the cabin and lock themselves in.

Horror Situation: the boars close in and are ready to attack when a horrible sound comes from out of nowhere and frightens away the boars.

Reaction: They race back to the cabin and lock themselves in.

Horror Situation:

Character Death: One of us is killed –

Horrible Situation: When they get back to the cabin, they find the caretaker dead.

Reaction: Jane freaks out. Jake calms her and covers the caretakers body.

MIDPOINT – THE MONSTER IS WORSE THAN WE THOUGHT

Full pursuit by the killer: All is quiet. Jane settles down. Gets ahold of herself. She and Jake have a quiet evening.

Horror Situation: They hear the pig outside again snorting around the cabin when suddenly the snorting changes to squealing. When they look outside, they see a woman wearing a horrible mask, killing the pig.

Reaction: they board up the cabin.

Horror Situation: All gets quiet and then banging rattles the door.

Reaction: Jake assures Jane whatever that is won’t be able to get in.

Terrorized:

ACT 3 – FULL HOUR HORROR

Fight to the death: Jane and Jake arm themselves with items they find in the cabin.

Horror Situation: They hear the monster trying to get in through the windows, but to no avail.

Reaction: they stand ready to defend themselves.

Horror Situation: They think they are safe, when the banging and threatening sounds come from different places. Then suddenly stop. SILENCE.

Reaction: Jane freaks out starts singing and putting on any sounds she can find in the cabin. Jane sees that Jake is scared too. It freaks her out.

Hysteria: All power goes out. Jane completely freaks. Jake is not help. She tries to get his help, but he just stands there.

Horror Situation: Jake opens the door and the masked woman enters.

Reaction: Jane can’t believe what Jake has done. He just stands there.

Horror Situation: The masked woman takes off her mask and it is the shrink. Jake goes over and they kiss.

Reaction: Jane freaks out and runs into the bedroom and locks the door.

The thrilling escape from death: Jane escapes through the bedroom window.

Horror Situation: As she crawls out the window, she hears Jake and the shrink calling for her. They break the door down and see that she is gone.

Reaction: They chase after her, taunting her. They grow silent. Creep after her.

Horror Situation: Jane puts her hands over her ears in terror. She can’t make noise, they will find her. She can’t stand the silence; it freaks her out.

Reaction: she gets a hold of herself and looks for an escape.

Death returns to take one or more:

Horror Situation: she creeps through the woods, ever watchful, when she sees Jake kill the shrink. Jake tells her he knows she is near and next.

Reaction: terrified, she runs.

Horror Situation: Jake catches up to her, but instead of killing her, he hits her ears so hard that she can’t hear. She’s stuck in silence.

Reaction: she collapses to the ground. Jake picks her up and carries her to a hidden vehicle.

Resolution:

Horror Situation: We see Jane sitting alone in an asylum music blaring around her.

Reaction: She is completely unaware of any sound and sits staring out a window and blank look on her face.

Horror Situation:

Reaction:

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Horror Plot Track – Lesson 4

What I learned doing this assignment is I find it hard to stay on track of what the lesson is without trying to look for other things.

ACT 1 – SET UP THE HORROR

I will call her Jane. Jane is advised by her psychiatrist to take a vacation with her finance to get away from the city stress and noise and go spend a week or two in the country, woods.

Her shrink consuls her that she will just be a phone call away and Jane’s finance, Jake, will be there with her. Jane’s friend is concerned that she is going away, but Jane assures her that her shrink knows what she’s doing and Jake will be there.

Upon arrival, Jane discovers that the cabin they are staying in has no food and the caretaker failed to get all ready for them.

ACT 2 – THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Things start going wrong as soon as Jane and Jake arrive at the cabin. Her cell phone is getting no reception. A strange man is fishing in the lake by the cabin.

Jane and Jake decide to go to the store and get supplies. When they return, they see the fisherman laying by the lake. Upon finding out what is going on, they find the man dead and his face bitten or something. They hear a wild boar and he rushes out from the trees. They escape into the house.

MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

While hiding in the house, Jane and Jake hear the pig squealing. They look outside and see a person, with a horrifying mask, hacking the pig to death. When she is finished, she heads toward the cabin and bangs on their door.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

Horrified, Jane goes into the bedroom and finds that the caretaker has been killed. Jake barricades everything as well as he can, and Jane helps. It grows silent.

Jane thinks the masked monster is gone, but Jake is not sure. His doubts, scare Jane and wonder if he is going to be able to help her fight off this monster. He is not reassuring, and she panics. Tries her useless phone. Screams at him. Searches for a weapon and finds one just as the banging on the door resumes.

Jane screams at the monster to go away. Jake just stands there and stares at her then opens the door and lets the monster in. He was in on it all along.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Characters for Horror – Lesson 3: Survivors and Victims

What I learned doing this assignment is to relax and go with the lessons, things can always be adjusted along the way.

Concept: A revengeful man and his psychiatrist girlfriend plan to terrorize the man’s fiancé who he blames for his childhood trauma.

Group: Social group

Dying Pattern of this movie: C: No one dies, but the characters are brought to the very brink of death and/or insanity.

Give us an identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group:

Revengeful man’s finance: innocent

Innocent is a stressed-out woman who is going to therapy for a terrifying memory that has come to her about her past that she just remembered.

The psychiatrist: the Carrier – the one who brings the horror to the group

The Carrier (in order to help her fiancé) is the innocent’s shrink who plans to terrify innocent with her learned knowledge she gained as her doctor.

The Revengeful man: false leader

The Revengeful false leader is the brother of the innocent who was hurt by her as a child and blames her for the death of their mother.

The grounds keeper of the cabin: he’s the red herring who turns out to be the true

leader.

The grounds keeper is a kind man who observes what is going on and decides to help innocent see who is terrifying her and help her survive.

The housekeeper of the cabin: complainer

The housekeeper is the comedy relief sorta as she complains about her troubles taking care of all the visitors to the remote cabin.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Terrifying Monster – Lesson 2 – Writing Terrifying Horror Scripts

What I learned doing this assignment is that using the characteristics of what a monster is helps create a terrifying creature.

1. My monster is my protagonist’s finance.

2. Their terror is the couple go on a “relaxing” vacation to help with a psychological problem that has reappear for the protagonist. The trip is planned by the monster and his girlfriend, the protagonist’s shrink. They plan the trip in an isolated woodsy area and hire a person to the terror events that the finance saves the protagonist from to make her feel he is on her side.

3. The fear provoking appearance is a masked that somehow relates to the P’s earlier terror being worn by the shrink who is causing all the terror along with the P’s false fiancé.

4. The rules consist of the finance pretending to be on the protagonist’s side all the while instigating the terror. Later in the script he goes to help the protagonist with a terror she sees and pretends not to see it to send her over the edge.

5. No mythology. I’m not wanting a sequel. I want my protagonist to succeed at overcoming the terror to heal from her youthful terror she is suffering from and why she went to see a shrink for help.

[Judith Watson]

Judith Watson

I agree to the release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Judith Watson]

Hi, Judith here. I live in Southern California. I love movies, thriller my favorites then Horror with comedy next and then drama. I want to get the skeleton of a good horror film in this class and want to enjoy myself as I do. I love dogs and an intrigued by Basenjis.

[Judith Watson]

Subject line: The Blair Witch Project Horror Conventions. Lesson A/1

“What I learned doing this assignment is the horror conventions really make a movie scary.

1. Watch the movie and as you do, note its conventions.

– Title/Concept: The Blair Witch Project is about 3 film students who go out into haunted woods to make a documentary about a local witch.

Terrorize The Characters: with the unknown; dark; unseen; fear something terrible will happen; being alone; deathIsolation: woods are the isolation and they get lost.Death: is possible since one of the filmers disappears. Monster/Villain: is Heather the gal who set up the project.High Tension: it’s scary since they are lost; can’t see the thing making strange sounds; when one of them disappears and they hear him but can’t find and see him, and at the end they go into this broken down house, all a mess, and hear him but can’t find him. Departure from Reality: the witch

Moral Statement: (A moral statement is a claim that something is morally good or bad, morally right or wrong, or has some other moral quality, such as being just, admirable, or blameworthy.) a lesson, especially one concerning what is right or prudent, that can be derived from a story, a piece of information, or an experience.

“the moral of this story was that one must see the beauty in what one has”)

The moral statement of The Blair Witch Project is it’s important to know what you are doing instead of just jumping a project.

3. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great horror film? no

4. With your concept, fill in each of these Conventions for your story.

No title for my project yet.

Concept: a husband talks his wife into a vacation away from the stress of their overly-busy life with the intention scaring her to death to take over her fortune.

Terrorize The Characters: with the unknown; dark; unseen; fear something terrible will happen; being alone;

deathIsolation: the woodsDeath: of the wife is intended but she overcomes him and his girlfriend who is pretending to be the caretaker of the cabin

Monster/Villain: the husbandHigh

Tension: he sets up the tension when he arranges to arrive late to the vacation cabin.

Departure from Reality: ???

Moral Statement: things aren’t always what they seem to be

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Amazing Opening Scene – LESSON 16

What I learned is to look at my script’s beginning and brainstorm possible openings that will catch the attention of a reader.

1. SU/twist opening: the movie opens in a tranquil neighborhood decorated for the Christmas holidays. Suddenly one of the houses explodes spilling debris all over the front lawn and onto the black Mercedes parked in front.

2.

3. The Shocking opening: In this opening we see how bad the Antagonist is. At first, we think she is having her mother visit and get ready for Christmas, but when mom starts talking about Rachel’s foster sister, she’s had it. Can’t take it anymore. Thinks her mother loves Emily more than her and carries out her plan to kill mom and then kill her sister.

4.

5. Intriguing scene from another place in the movie: This is a FB scene which shows how the animosity between the 2 sisters started. Rachel is having her 8-year-old birthday party, everyone is sitting around the birthday girl about to blow out her candles on her cake, when the doorbell rings. All jump from the table and leave Rachel sitting there staring at her birthday cake. Rachel hears everyone greet Emily and she is left alone.

ORIGINAL SCENE:

FADE IN:

EXT. MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Quiet streets. Christmas decorations and lights adorn the

houses creating a cheery atmosphere.

INT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

A modest living room decorated for Christmas. In one corner

a dried-out Christmas tree with all the trimmings.

Candles sit on every available spot. They are arranged in an

orderly fashion.

MOM,75, sits in a comfortable recliner watching her daughter,

RACHEL PAYNE,34, light the candles. Rachel is an intense

woman. She’s singly directed and once she makes up her mind,

nothing will change it. She always feels she is right.

A concerned look crosses Mom’s face.

MOM

Aren’t lighting all those candles a

bit dangerous, honey? If one caught

on fire, we’d all go up in flames.

Rachel grabs a blanket from the couch and covers Mom’s legs.

RACHEL

You know how I love candles.

She points to a fire extinguisher.

MOM

The tree looks awfully dry. You

should water it.

Rachel looks at the tree.

RACHEL

Hmmm…I’ll get some water.

She disappears. We HEAR water running. Rachel returns and

fills the tree stand with water.

Mom is deep in thought. Suddenly, her face brightens.

MOM

Rachel, when did you say Emily is

getting here?

Spinning around, almost lunging, Rachel gains composure.

2.

RACHEL

For the tenth time, in two days.

MOM

It’ll be so wonderful having us all

together again.

Rachel frowns.

Mom moves to get up from her chair. Rachel winces at the

effort and rushes over to her.

RACHEL

You know the doctor wants you resting

as much as possible.

Mom moves back into the recliner. Props her feet up and smiles

at her daughter.

MOM

Would you be a dear and get me the

album?

Rachel, annoyed, disappears down the hallway and returns with

a photo album.

MOM (CONT’D)

Thank you, dear.

She opens it up. Points to a picture.

MOM (CONT’D)

Remember when we took this photo?

Without even looking…

RACHEL

The day Emily arrived.

MOM

I was so thrilled to have her. And

a nice sister for you. You two look

so much alike everyone thought you

were sisters.

RACHEL

Yah, a nice birthday present for me.

Mom is lost in thought.

MOM

She was such a blessing.

3.

RACHEL (O.S.)

(indignantly)

Yah…

MOM

She looked so scared. You remember?

RACHEL

Ah…hah.

MOM

She made the house a place of joy.

A teapot SCREAMS in the kitchen.

RACHEL

Tea’s ready.

MOM

What dear?

RACHEL

Tea?

MOM

Don’t make it too hot.

RACHEL

Of course not, I wouldn’t want you

to spill it on yourself and get

burned.

MOM

Just the right amount of sugar.

She disappears into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Rachel pulls the screeching kettle off the stove.

RACHEL

Don’t make it too hot… Don’t forget

my sugar.

Rachel puts a doily onto a plate and carefully fills a cup

with water. Places a tea bag into it. Adds a couple of

teaspoonfuls of what looks like sugar.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Mom leafs through the album. Each picture seems to bring her

more happiness. She gets to one photo she’s overjoyed with

just as Rachel returns with her tea.

4.

MOM

Oh, look, this is when Emily won the

art prize. She was so thrilled.

Rachel almost drops the cup of tea. Catches herself and places

the tea on the end table by Mom.

RACHEL

Drink your tea.

Mom takes a cautious sip.

MOM

It’s not too hot. Good job.

Rachel’s surprised. She smiles at Mom who takes another sip

and cancels out her “good job” complement.

MOM (CONT’D)

What’s that taste?

RACHEL

(resigned)

A healthier, zero calorie sugar.

Rachel samples her tea. She watches Mom swizzle another sip.

RACHEL (CONT’D)

What do you think, good?

Mom’s face grimaces. She clutches at her throat. Coughs,

choking on her perfect tea.

RACHEL (CONT’D)

No good, huh…

She reaches out to Rachel who just stands there watching Mom

gasp for air.

As Mom fades away the tea cup falls to the floor spilling

liquid on the carpet.

Rachel disappears down the hallway. We hear a DRAGGING sound.

She returns pulling a body by the legs. A package anchored

under her arm.

The body is of a woman in dirty clothes. Her hair is tangled.

She looks as if she hasn’t bathe in a year.

She pulls the homeless woman next to the tree. Takes sawdust

from the package and sprinkles it around the room. A special

nice dose on Mom.

She puts the fire extinguisher in front of the homeless woman’s

body. Arranges her arms as if reaching for it.

5.

Not quite right. She works at it until she’s satisfied.

Rachel looks at Mom, unconscious. She kisses her. She lights

the candles.

RACHEL (CONT’D)

I’m afraid it’s gonna be too hot,

but just perfect.

She grabs her coat and purse. Knocks over all the candles.

The room bursts into flame. Rachel races toward the back of

the house.

EXT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Running toward a blue Chevy, Rachel gets in and drives away

just as the front windows of the house burst from flames.

The glass litters the dead front lawn and flies onto Rachel’s

black Mercedes parked in front of the house. The flames lap

at the car charring the side.

EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Rachel’s neighbor, MRS. BROWN,60’S, runs out of her house.

MRS. BROWN

Oh, miGod. Oh, miGod.

She dials 911. Races to a hose and douses her house with

water.

EXT. STRIP MALL – NIGHT

Dark. A store: ART YOU WANT, original paintings and unique

ceramics with an “out of business, closed forever,” sign.

Rachel’s Chevy turns into the driveway, slows and stops in

front of the store.

INT. RACHEL’S CAR – NIGHT

A tear trickles down Rachel’s cheek. She throws a kiss at

the store and drives off.

REWRITTEN SCENE: Same scene with a few changes.

FADE IN:

EXT. MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Quiet streets. Christmas decorations and lights adorn the

houses creating a cheery atmosphere.

INT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

A modest living room decorated for Christmas. In one corner

a dried-out Christmas tree with all the trimmings.

Candles sit on every available spot. They are arranged in an

orderly fashion.

MOM,75, sits in a comfortable recliner watching her daughter,

RACHEL PAYNE,34, light the candles. Rachel is an intense

woman. She’s singly directed and once she makes up her mind,

nothing will change it. She always feels she is right.

A concerned look crosses Mom’s face.

MOM

Aren’t lighting all those candles a

bit dangerous, honey? If one caught

on fire, we’d all go up in flames.

Rachel grabs a blanket from the couch and covers Mom’s legs.

RACHEL

You know how I love candles.

She points to a fire extinguisher.

MOM

The tree looks awfully dry. You

should water it.

Rachel looks at the tree.

RACHEL

Hmmm…I’ll get some water.

She disappears. We HEAR water running. Rachel returns and

fills the tree stand with water.

Mom is deep in thought. Suddenly, her face brightens.

MOM

Rachel, when did you say Emily is

getting here?

Spinning around, almost lunging, Rachel gains composure.

RACHEL

For the tenth time, in two days.

MOM

It’ll be so wonderful having us all

together again.

Rachel frowns.

Mom moves to get up from her chair. Rachel winces at the

effort and rushes over to her.

RACHEL

You know the doctor wants you resting

as much as possible.

Mom moves back into the recliner. Props her feet up and smiles

at her daughter.

MOM

Would you be a dear and hand me the

album?

Rachel gives mom the photo album.

a photo album.

MOM (CONT’D)

Thank you, dear.

She opens it up. Points to a picture.

MOM (CONT’D)

Remember when we took this photo?

Without even looking…

RACHEL

The day Emily arrived.

MOM

I was so thrilled to have her. And

a nice sister for you. You two look

so much alike everyone thought you

were sisters.

RACHEL

Yah, a nice birthday present for me.

Mom’s face is aglow as she thumbs through the album. Pointing, and laughing, remembering all the wonderful times.

MOM

She was such a blessing.

RACHEL (O.S.)

(indignantly)

Yah…

MOM

She looked so scared. You remember?

RACHEL

Ah…hah.

MOM

She made the house a place of joy.

A teapot SCREAMS in the kitchen.

RACHEL

Tea’s ready.

MOM

What dear?

RACHEL

Tea?

MOM

Don’t make it too hot.

RACHEL

Of course not, I wouldn’t want you

to spill it on yourself and get

burned.

MOM

Just the right amount of sugar.

She disappears into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Rachel pulls the screeching kettle off the stove.

RACHEL

Don’t make it too hot… Don’t forget

my sugar.

Rachel puts a doily onto a plate and carefully fills a cup

with water. Places a tea bag into it. Adds a couple of

teaspoonfuls of what looks like sugar.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Mom ever so happy, she gets to one just as Rachel returns with her tea.

MOM

Oh, look, this is when Emily won the

art prize. She was so thrilled.

Rachel almost drops the cup of tea. Catches herself and places

the tea on the end table by Mom.

RACHEL

Drink your tea.

Mom takes a cautious sip.

MOM

It’s not too hot. Good job.

Rachel’s surprised. She smiles at Mom who takes another sip

and cancels out her “good job” complement.

MOM (CONT’D)

What’s that taste?

RACHEL

(resigned)

A healthier, zero calorie sugar.

Rachel samples her tea. She watches Mom swizzle another sip.

RACHEL (CONT’D)

What do you think, good?

Mom’s face grimaces. She clutches at her throat. Coughs,

choking on her perfect tea.

RACHEL (CONT’D)

No good, huh…

She reaches out to Rachel who just stands there watching Mom

gasp for air.

As Mom fades away the teacup falls to the floor spilling

liquid on the carpet.

Rachel disappears down the hallway. We hear a DRAGGING sound.

She returns pulling a body by the legs. A package anchored

under her arm.

The body is of a woman in dirty clothes. Her hair is tangled.

She looks as if she hasn’t bathe in a year.

She pulls the homeless woman next to the tree. Takes sawdust

from the package and sprinkles it around the room. A special

nice dose on Mom.

She puts the fire extinguisher in front of the homeless woman’s

body. Arranges her arms as if reaching for it.

Not quite right. She works at it until she’s satisfied.

Rachel looks at Mom, unconscious. She kisses her. She lights

the candles.

RACHEL (CONT’D)

I’m afraid it’s gonna be too hot, but just perfect.

She grabs her coat and purse. Knocks over all the candles.

The room bursts into flame. Rachel races toward the back of

the house.

EXT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Running toward a blue Chevy, Rachel gets in and drives away

just as the front windows of the house burst from flames.

The glass litters the dead front lawn and flies onto Rachel’s

black Mercedes parked in front of the house. The flames lap

at the car charring the side.

EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Rachel’s neighbor, MRS. BROWN,60’S, runs out of her house.

MRS. BROWN

Omigod. Omigod.

She dials 911. Races to a hose and douses her house with water.

EXT. STRIP MALL – NIGHT

Dark. A store: ART YOU WANT, original paintings and unique

ceramics with an “out of business, closed forever,” sign.

Rachel’s Chevy turns into the driveway, slows, and stops in

front of the store.

INT. RACHEL’S CAR – NIGHT

A tear trickles down Rachel’s cheek. She throws a kiss at

the store and drives off.

[Judith Watson]

<font size=”4″>Judith’s Amazing 3rd Act- Lesson 15
What I learned is to take a thorough look at the screenplays 3rd act to make sure it delivers the punch audiences need to really enjoy your movie.
Act 1 sets up that Emily wants to reconnect with her sister. She believes that doing that will make her family whole. However, after she decides to give the reunion a try, she finds out in the 2nd act that Rachel is up to no good and wants to take over her life. Rachel has had a psychotic break and she completely loses it in the 3rd act having believed that Emily stole the art life she was to have when Emily at age 8, turned in Rachel’s art work in a contest and won. Rachel always believed that she would be the success if she had won that contest since her mother was so proud of Emily’s accomplishments.
EXT. LYNN’S HOUSE – DAY
Lynn’s car blocks the driveway.
Emily maneuvers around the car and continues to the front door. She’s about to ring the doorbell, when she notices the door is ajar.
EMILY
Lynn?
No answer.
She pushes on the door and cautiously enters the house.
INT. LYNN’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
She moves into the entryway.
EMILY
Lynn?
Silence.
KITCHEN
Silently she enters the kitchen and is stopped in her tracks.
Lynn lies on the floor. A pool of blood swimming around her head.
EMILY
Oh, Lynn. What happened to you?
She checks for a pulse.
EMILY
No……….I’m so sorry, my friend.
LYNN
Katie…Rachel.
EMILY
What, what about her?
Lynn doesn’t answer.
Emily looks around and opens a cupboard. Pulls out a tablecloth and lovingly covers Lynn with it.
EMILY
Katie.
Moving hrough the kitchen into the…
LIVING ROOM
Emily goes continues into the…
HALL
Creeping down the room, Emily listens, watches, and enters the…
BEDROOM
Emily stands in the dark room.
EMILY
Katie? Are you hiding? It’s Emily. I’m here to help you.
She listens.
EMILY
Katie?
INT. EMILY’S CAR – DAY
Emily drives like a maniac passing cars and honking her horn.
Cars get out of her way.
EMILY
Oh, Katie, please be okay.
EXT. LARGE WOODEN HOUSE – DAY
A sign in front reads, HOME FOR GIRLS. Emily pulls up in front.
Racing up to the front door, and Emily bolts through it. A CARETAKER stops her from going any further.
CARETAKER
Where you going?
Obtaining her composure…
EMILY
I want to see Katie. Katie Diaz.
CARETAKER
She’s not home from school. Her teacher called and said she stayed after to help. She’d bring her home later.
EMILY
And that was all right with you?
CARETAKER
Is something wrong?
EMILY
No. I just have a great surprise for her. I was excited to give it to her.
The caretaker looks at Emily askance.
CARETAKER
Okay.
Emily grabs a pen and business card from a desk. Writes her phone number on it.
EMILY
When she shows up, call me.
Emily hands her the card. Rushes from the room.
Watching after Emily, the Caretaker looks at the business card and shoves it in her pocket.
EXT. LARGE WOODEN HOUSE – DAY
Emily races to her car.
EMILY
Oh, Lynn, where is Katie?
EXT. WOODSY ROAD – DAY
Emily speeds along the road. It’s a cloudy day and the usual sunlight filtering through the windshield is gone.
Her car moves at an unsafe speed, barely staying on the road.
She arrives at the her house. Screeches to a halt. Bolts from the car.
INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Emily bursts in. She sees Ralphie with his mouth tied and in a cage.
EMILY
Oh, myGod. Ralphie. Are you all right?
She moves to the cage and lets him out. Removes the tie from his mouth.
Realizes that she might be in danger. She bolts into the
KITCHEN…
And grabs a knife. Ralphie follows her.
EMILY
Where is she, Ralphie? Where is Rachel?
INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS – SAME
She and Ralphie move cautiously through the house.
She enters a bathroom. Sees a form in the shower. Approaches. Grabs the door. Takes a stand.
Pulls the shower curtain back.
No one is there. A wet towel hangs on a shower hook.
Find the wet shower in one room
KITCHEN
Emily looks at Ralphie.
EMILY
Come on, boy, let’s check outside.
EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY
The moment Emily and Ralphie step outside, Ralphie runs to a sweater on the ground. Emily picks it up. Puts it by Ralphie’s nose.
EMILY
Find Katie.
He sniffs the air and paws the ground. He picks up a trail and heads toward the woods.
EMILY
Ralphie, wait for me.
He stops, waits for her, but doesn’t come.
She runs up to him, just about to grab him, and he takes off. Emily sprints after him.
He continues to sniff and move deeper into the woods. Emily far behind. She follows as best she can.
As they get deeper into the trees, the debris gets thicker.
She stumbles on the wet leaves and sticks, almost falls, but catches herself by putting out her hand. A trickle of blood creeps along her palm.
EMILY
Ralphie, wait up.
He continues on his path, sniffing and barking. A dog with a mission.
Suddenly he stops by a shovel and a mound of dirt. He barks continuously. He digs furiously into the dirt. Emily approaches, horrified at what she will find.
EMILY
(hesitant)
What is it, boy?
She crosses her fingers. Watches.
EMILY
Please, not Katie.
Ralphie continues digging in the dirt. The wet soil flying through the air plastering Emily. It sprinkles on her face, barely missing her eyes.
Emily backs off until she sees skin.
Emily moves over to Ralphie and grabs him.
EMILY
Ralphie…
He backs off. She looks at the hole holding the object. Motions for Ralphie to sit. He obeys.
She bends down. Reluctantly brushes away some more dirt. The face of art dealer Keresztes looks through the clearing.
Emily is relieved, then horrified.
EMILY
Oh, my gosh. Keresztes.
She steps backwards, almost falls down.
EMILY
What is this?
She pulls her phone from her pocket. Punches a couple of numbers.
Ralphie emits a low GROWL.
RACHEL
I wouldn’t do that.
Emily looks up and sees Rachel holding a gun. She flips her phone closed.
Ralphie races toward Rachel.
EMILY
No, Ralphie, no.
He’s about to jump on Rachel when she fires her gun and stops him in his tracks.
Ralphie lets out a mournful cry. Falls to the ground.
Emily moves to help him, but…
RACHEL
Don’t. Move back. Dogs are always a nuisance. It’s just a leg wound. Grow up.
He lays still.
EMILY
Let me check him.
RACHEL
He’s fine. The little pest that he is. You know he almost bit me before I got that wrap around his mouth.
Rachel motions for Emily to back away from Ralphie.
EMILY
Whatever you’re up to you won’t get away with it.
RACHEL
Yeah, who’s gonna stop me. You? Miss goody two shoes. You had Mom fooled, but not me. I knew what you did.
EMILY
What did I do?
RACHEL
You know.
EMILY
Rachel, come on..
RACHEL
Shut up.
Rachel moves closer to Emily and the burial site.
RACHEL
Now. Cover up poor Keresztes. His career is ended. One less art dealer to turn me down.
Rachel laughs…
RACHEL
He came here to warn you. I couldn’t have it. My sister. I had to protect you.
Emily is confused. Rachel points to the shovel. Indicates to Emily to cover Keresztes.
She shovels dirt back onto the grave keeping an eye on Rachel.
When she gets her chance, Emily throws a shovel full of dirt on her.
Catches her off guard. The wet dirt smears into her eyes. She drops the gun for a moment to attend to her problem.
Emily takes off running.
When Rachel notices, she grabs the gun and shoots at Emily repeatedly but she escapes into the forest.
RACHEL
No you don’t. You can’t get away from me.
Rachel pursues her weaving after Emily through the trees. Occasionally firing a shot and splintering a tree trunk.
RACHEL
You come back here, you little brat.
She pursues her foster sister through the trees. Firing blindly into the darkness.
Rachel’s gun bullets are spent. She stops. Listens. Hears no running.
RACHEL
You can hide, but not for long.
She searches the area around her.
RACHEL
I know you’re around here…
She listens, waits. She sits down. Waits.
RACHEL
I’ve got Katie. The adoption agency finally checked the files and said my paintings are mine.
Emily waits behind a tree. A confused expression. She steps out from behind the tree.
EMILY
You better not have hurt her, Rachel.
RACHEL
Rachel? What? Are you confused? I’m Emily, the special one. I’m adopting a child. I’m pregnant. I have a wonderful husband. And I’m a successful artist. I’m perfect.
Emily’s baffled. Then she gets it.
Rachel with a fury, knocks into Emily pushing her to the ground and takes off disappearing into the dark woods.
Emily runs after her. Frantic now, Emily moves faster.
She comes out of the woods. Surveys her house.
She moves around to the kitchen door. Listens. It’s dark and quiet.
INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Emily enters. Listens. She creeps to a drawer and gets a flashlight. Flicks it on. A faint beam lights the way.
Emily creeps from the kitchen into the…
HALL
Moves down the hall slowly checking each room.
BABIES ROOM
Nothing.
MASTER BEDROOM
She enters. Tiptoes to the closet, jerks it open. Nothing.
EMILY
Where are you, Katie?
As she is about to leave the room, she notices a trickle of light snaking under the barn door.
KITCHEN
Emily leaves the house. HEARS music blaring from the barn.
EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT
Emily goes to her car. Opens the trunk. Pulls out a tire iron and a leather bag. She puts the iron into the bag.
She moves to the barn. Listens. She startles and steps back when a song suddenly stops.
She peeks through the closed barn doors.
INT. BARN STUDIO – NIGHT
Rachel stands at an easel, painting. HUMMING.
EXT. BARN STUDIO – NIGHT
Emily starts to enter, then changes her mind. Steps away from the doors.
Creeps around the barn to the side door. Pulls on it. It’s locked.
EMILY
Fuck.
She looks up and the loft doors are open. She looks around. A ladder lays on the ground.
She struggles to pull the ladder to the barn. Carefully puts it under the open doors. A bump of noise. She waits.
No response.
Climbing as quietly as she can, Emily enters the barn.
INT. BARN STUDIO – NIGHT
When Emily steps inside, she is startled when Rachel greets her.
RACHEL
Come in. Join the party. I want to show you my new paintings. I have a new show coming up soon.
Rachel holds the gun on Emily.
RACHEL
Can I trust you?
Rachel shakes her head, answering her own question.
RACHEL
You disappointed me in the woods.
She motions for Emily to climb down the haystack ladder.
Emily carefully steps down each rung, holding her leather bag on her shoulders, oops, almost falls when the bag flips around behind her.
She catches herself and descends into the barn filled with lit candles.
The candles flicker as she moves past them. Emily manuevers around the candles.
They are arranged in groups, here and there.
There is a grouping of lit candles around Katie who sits tied up in a chair. She is terrified. A gag in her mouth.
Emily nods to her. Lifts her finger to her lips.
Rachel notices.
RACHEL
I had to tie Katie up. She was being a bad girl and trying to get away from me. Kids should listen to their mothers.
Emily hangs onto her leather bag.
RACHEL
Put down the bag.
EMILY
It’s nothing.
Rachel waves the gun at her.
Emily puts down the bag. She looks around.
Paintings, new versions of Emily’s work sit on easels. The photographs Emily used to create her loving family paintings are attached, one to each easel. They are pristine and clean.
The paintings are colorful, except, they are all grotesque.
Not the loving family paintings Emily created, but creations by some maniacal Salvadore Dali.
Emily holds back her horror.
Rachel twirls around. Spreading her arms out in exurberance.
RACHEL
Well, Rachel, how do you like my paintings? I have a new show coming up. You’ll be sure to come, won’t you?
Emily smiles.
RACHEL
I think these are my best work.
Walking around each of the easels, she is horrified to the paintings of grotesque faces. Hiding her horror…
EMILY
There are wonderful. You’ve done yourself proud.
Rachel likes the compliment.
RACHEL
I think so. I can’t wait to show Eugene.
EMILY
He’ll adore them.
RACHEL
Mother always said I had an artistic talent. Not like you. I was the one who could paint.
Emily stares in disbelief, trying to figure out how to handle this crazy Rachel and survive.
RACHEL
You really like my new paintings?
EMILY
Yes.
Rachel face crunches up…
RACHEL
Liar.
EMILY
Look, we can work this out. I’m Emily and you’re Rachel.
RACHEL
What are you talking about?
Emily moves toward the bag.
EMILY
Let me show you.
RACHEL
Stop.
EMILY
I have a journal, a picture…
RACHEL
So?
EMILY
Dr. Goodman’s journal. He kept a record of patients. Let me show you.
RACHEL
I was never a patient of any Dr. Goodman. Oh, he refused me.
Emily considers for a long time. Rachel stares at her. Waiting. She looks over at Katie. She stops herself trying to untie her ropes. Rachel moves over to her and checks them.
In order to distract Rachel…
EMILY
I stole your painting when we were kids. I confess. Took it to school. Said it was mine. You would have won the art contest.
Rachel turns toward Emily.
EMILY
You would have had all the glory, but mean old me, took it from you, and Mom loved me for it. You have talent. Just look at the wonderful paintings you did here.
Rachel stares at her.
EMILY
I’m so sorry I messed up your life. Let me make it up to you.
Emily’s confession sinks into Rachel. She looks around at the grotesque paintings. Pleased with her work.
A psychological light bulb goes off in Rachel’s head.
RACHEL
I’m Rachel. You’re Emily. You ruined my life. Mother loved you more. You were her sweet little foster child, and I was left alone opening up my birthday presents in my bedroom by myself while everybody goo-goo eyed over you.
She raises her gun. Points it at Emily. Shoots, but misses and the bullet hits one of her paintings blasting a gigantic hole through the middle.
Rachel moves to the canvas.
RACHEL
No.
She touches it lovingly. The wet paint smears onto her hands.
RACHEL
Oh, look what you made me do.
She tries to cover up the hole with more oil paints, but it just squirts through the opening onto the other side as she squeezes more and more frantically.
Rachel turns around to point the gun at Emily again, but Emily is gone.
RACHEL
Oh. Where are you? You coward. Now your true self comes out. You confess, but you can’t take your punishment.
ANOTHER PART OF THE BARN
Emily holds a candle to a fire sprinkler. But it won’t turn on.
EMILY
Turn on…turn on.
She wiggles the candle close to the sprinkler head. Nothing.
Rachel moves around looking for Emily, but she is not to be seen. She moves back to Katie.
RACHEL
Come out, or I’ll destroy your second child.
Katie is confused at Rachel’s statement.
Katie’s manages to free her hands, stands up which distracts Rachel as Emily comes charging toward her with the tire iron.
She accidentally hits a can of turpentine in her rage. It slides across the floor and bangs into a pole. It smashes the can and the lid pops off.
Turpentine oozes onto the the linoleum.
EMILY
Run, Katie, run.
Katie waits, wants Emily to come with her.
EMILY
Get out of here, Katie.
Rachel charges at Emily. Emily knocks the gun from Rachel’s hand as she swings the tire iron once more.
The gun flies into one of the arrangements of candles and knocks them over.
The flame catches a spot of turpentine and creeps toward the more overturned candles. They catch on fire.
The women, consumed by emotion, ignore the flames.
Emily throws a punch and hits Rachel who is thrown backwards, but she comes recovers and speeds forward.
Picks up a canvas and smashes it against Emily. Hitting the ground hard, Emily is stunned for a moment and just manages to avoid another blow from Rachel.
She scoots out of the way. Rachel clawing at her. Emily avoids her and stands up. As Rachel comes near, Emily pushes an easel toward Rachel.
It clips her, but she is okay. She charges Emily, but Emily hides behind another easel and hurls the metal frame at Rachel.
It smashes into her knocking her down just as the fire spreads.
Turpentine cleaning cloths and canvas catch on fire from the spreading flames filling the barn with smoke.
The women cough. Somehow Rachel manages to stand up just as Emily gets a good blow in, and Rachel is knocked into the burning flames.
Her clothes catch on fire.
EMILY
Oh, myGod.
Emily moves to rescue Rachel. She looks around for something to douse the fire.
Runs to a cupboard marked “safety.” She pulls out a fire extinguisher.
She hears Rachel’s screams. Sees the flames engulf her.
She rushes over with the fire extinguisher. The flames lapping close to her. She sprays the life saving mist at Rachel, but she isn’t close enough to do any good.
She must move back or she will be engulfed.
EMILY
Why isn’t that sprinkler on?
She sprays again, but it’s too late. It’s either save a burning Rachel or herself.
She forlornly looks at Rachel.
EMILY
We could have been sisters.
Emily races from the burning barn.
EXT. BARN – NIGHT
SIRENS are heard blasting an eerie sound through the forest.
Emily runs up to Katie. She puts her arms around the little girl who is wiped out.
KATIE
I called the police and fire.
EMILY
Are you all right?
Katie puts on a brave face. She nods. Takes hold of Emily’s hand.
KATIE
Who was that lady?
EMILY
Someone I knew a along time ago.
INT. BARN – NIGHT
Suddenly the sprinkler system comes on. The water dampens the bellowing fire, but before it gobbles up the grotesque paintings.
The paintings spill onto the floor and the faces twist and turn as they are eaten by the flames.
EXT. BARN – NIGHT
Emily and Katie stand back as the FIRE FIGHTERS spray the barn with life-saving liquid.
EXT. WOODS – KERESZTES’ GRAVE – THE NEXT DAY
Two POLICEMAN remove Keresztes. They load him onto a dolly.
Check his pockets. Find an I.D.
Load him into an ambulance.
EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – AT THE SAME TIME
The burnt barn smolders in the background.
INT. BARN STUDIO – DAY
AMBULANCE ATTENDANTS enter the barn pulling a dolly behind them.
They crawl through the debris. Poking and moving ashes aside. They come upon Rachel’s burnt body buried under one remaining grotesque family portrait.
The portrait hides her face, and most of her body is gone, burnt beyond recognition.
EXT. BARN STUDIO – LATER
Emily watches the Attendants load the remains of Rachel into the ambulance.
She is distracted when a police officer, SGT. MURPHY,35, approaches her.
SGT. MURPHY
Emily Green?
EMILY
Yes.
SGT. MURPHY
You witnessed this fire?
A pleading look crosses her face.
EMILY
I’ll come in tomorrow and give you a statement if it’s all right with you.
He looks at her for a moment.
POLICE DETECTIVE
Fine. Nine o’clock?
EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Emily’s SUV pulls up to the front door. She gets out of the car. Opens the trunk. Pulls out a wheel chair.
She rolls it to the passenger’s side. Opens the door.
Helping Eugene out, he painfully moves his body to get onto the chair.
He touches her hand when he sees the burned out barn.
A tear rolls down her cheek.
INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Eugene and Emily and Ralphie enjoy a small supper. The flowers Rachel arranged previously are displayed prominently on the table.
Ralphie finishes gulping down his meal. He finishes with a bark and lays down on his bed. His gun shot wound in a bandage.
The couple laugh at their dog.
Eugene and Emily eat in silence, just enjoying each other’s company.
The front door bell RINGS.
They look at each other. Shake their heads. Ralphie admits a low growl.
INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – ENTRY – NIGHT
Emily answers the door. Standing on the porch is Agent Smith with Katie.
AGENT SMITH
Katie wants to start her new life with her mommy and daddy.
EXT. CEMETARY – A DAY LATER
Emily stands in front of her mother’s and Rachel’s graves.
Katie and Eugene watch in the background.
She places flowers on their sites. Turns and joins her family. They leave arm in arm. </font>

<font size=”4″>FADE OUT:</font>

<font size=”4″>THE END.
Rachel gives her a painting lesson her as emily and Rachel the untalented one.</font>

<font size=”4″>
Page 30 here
</font>

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Most Memorable Line – L14

What I learned doing this assignment is paying attention to certain parts of the script and the dialogue can make your screenplay something an actor may want to make.

I didn’t choose a line to rewrite. I’ve gotten such good feedback, then I completely rewrote my plot point 1. The line I’m hoping is memorable is the last line, something…for something

INT. ART STORE – DAY

Emily empties her cart placing art supplies on the check-out counter. The CLERK smiles at her as she checks out the customer in front of her.

Pulling her cell phone from her pocket, she dials…

EMILY

Rach, Em here. Meet me at the carousel in Golden Gate Park? We need to talk.

A smiles graces her face.

EMILY

One hour…agreed.

EXT. GOLDEN GATE CAROUSEL – DAY

Strolling toward Emily, her back turned to her, Rachel sports a resolute look. Emily fidgets as she looks around searching for Rachel.

RACHEL

(shouting)

Emily, over here.

Emily waves at her. Waits till she gets close. An uneasy meeting. They keep a distance apart. Watching one another.

EMILY

Remember when we rode the carousel as kids?

RACHEL

You don’t want to get on that thing now?

The carousel comes to a halt. Emily motions for her to get come. She holds up two tickets.

RACHEL

It was always your thing.

Nodding, Emily moves toward the ride…

Reluctant, Rachel follows her.

Emily mounts a horse and Rachel gets on the one next to her.

The music starts, the carousel bumps, then slowly moves, the animals start to gallop. Joy crosses Emily’s face. Rachel hangs on for dear life.

The CONDUCTOR comes by to collect the fare. Emily gives the tickets to him. He gives her a flirty smile.

Rachel notices, smirks…

The ponies go up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Emily watches Rachel for a long time. Then…

EMILY

You know you embarrassed me coming to the gallery show unannounced. My customers were taken aback. I was really angry.

RACHEL

I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking. It didn’t hurt your sales did it?

EMILY

Fortunately not.

Fighting KIDS run by. The conductor races after the boys.

RACHEL

Remember…

EMILY

Us…

An uneasy silence between Emily and Rachel.

EMILY

Why now? Ten years of return to sender letters. Why now?

RACHEL

Mom. She’s getting old. We talked it over and I realized how foolish I’ve been.

(beat)

Can you ever forgive me?

Emily just stares at Rachel…

RACHEL

You kept writing.

The carousel slowly comes to a stop. Dismounting, Emily gets off. Watches Rachel struggle off her pony.

Emily points the way.

Strolling through the park in silence for a long time, Emily stops. Turns toward Rachel.

EMILY

What nursing home did you move mom to?

Taken aback, Rachel, sighs…

RACHEL

Quid pro quo.

EMILY

What?

RACHEL

You have to promise me you won’t call her until we decide…us.

Emily bites her lip.

EMILY

Something….for something. Even if we don’t…

RACHEL

Even if we don’t. I promise.

[Judith Watson]

Judith loves separating character dialogue – LESSON 13

What I learned doing this exercise is adding traits, all the traits to my characters is really a challenge that I need to keep working on. I did find myself wanting to read the other dialogue and starting to drift into me, so I had to force myself to read only Emily’s.

Emily’s traits:

Assertive

Creative

Hopeful

Ambitious

Stubborn

ALL THESE REDOS ARE EMILY’S SO I LEFT OUT HER NAME.

1.BEFORE

Waiting for final papers. No use getting Katie’s hopes up if something might happen. They might think we’re unfit.

AFTER

Waiting for final papers. Just a matter of time now. Can’t wait to surprise Katie.

2.BEFORE

I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. It’s gone now.

AFTER

I’m fine. I’ve got work to do.

3.BEFORE

Great. Almost sold all twenty of my paintings.

AFTER

Almost sold all twenty of my paintings. On to the next show.

4.BEFORE

I love the quietness. Get a lot of painting done.

AFTER

I love the quietness. Helps me get into the flow of my work. It’s great having you here.

5.BEFORE

Beautiful.

AFTER

Beautiful. I like the way to set the flowers a little off center. Gives it character.

6.BEFORE

Thanks for your help. Tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it.

AFTER

Thanks for your help. Tomorrow? I’m looking forward to it.

7.BEFORE

Paintings I am replacing. The art gallery burned down last night.

AFTER

Paintings I am replacing. The art gallery burned down last night. My customers come first.

8.BEFORE

That’s all that is left.

AFTER

That’s all that is left, but it’s not gonna stop me.

9.BEFORE

Which project is that? I saw you holding hands.

AFTER

Which project is that? Hand holding!

10.BEFORE

Please go. I want to be alone.

AFTER

Go. I want to be alone.

[Judith Watson]

Judith Lesson 12 – transitions

What I learned is looking at the scenes and finding places to add transitions can keep your script moving forward.

BEFORE SCENE

INT. SUNNYVALE REST HOME – NIGHT

A RECEPTIONIST,30s, answers the phone. She listens. Is surprised by what she hears.

RECEPTIONIST

Who is it you wish to talk with?

INTERCUT – PHONE CONVERSATION

EMILY

Mrs. Mary Payne. Is she still up?

The receptionist grimaces.

RECEPTIONIST

Who is this?

EMILY

I’m her daughter, Emily, calling from San Francisco.

The receptionist takes her time in answering.

RECEPTIONIST

Oh…you don’t know…you’re Emily.

EMILY

Yes…

Silence on the other end.

EMILY

What is it?

RECEPTIONIST

I’m sorry to inform you Mrs. Payne died along with your sister in a fire in Rachel’s home.

EMILY

What? That’s impossible.

RECEPTIONIST

Several days ago.

Emily drops her phone. Eugene picks it up.

EUGENE

Hello…

The phone is dead. He looks at Emily. She grabs herself, hunches over and collapses into a chair.

EUGENE

What is it?

EMILY

She said my mother and Rachel died in a fire. How could that be? Rachel is here.

INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

A huge Christmas tree sits in one corner. Emily stares at the undecorated tree.

Eugene enters bringing her some tea, places the drink by her.

EUGENE

Tea, it’ll make you feel better.

EMILY

Look how bare it is. I should have already decorated it. Where’s my Christmas spirit?

Eugene hesitates.

EUGENE

Emily,…Rachel…

A harsh stare.

EMILY

What about her?

EUGENE

I don’t know what she’s up to, but Chrisy, that woman in the restaurant, doesn’t work for the company she said she did. Why did she contact me? Who sent her?

EMILY

So, why is that Rachel’s fault?

EUGENE

Your sister, if you want to call her that, never answered any of your

EUGENE

letters, keeps putting off your mother’s visit, showed up unexpectedly pretending she wanted a loving relationship with you…

EMILY

…stop it. She wouldn’t hurt me.

EUGENE

I think the whole idea of the relationship is to hurt you.

EMILY

What do you expect me to do? I’ve wanted this for ten years. It was a dream come true.

EUGENE

More of a nightmare.

She pulls away from him.

EUGENE

Just think about it, will you?

Eugene’s phone rings. They both stare at the intruder, bellowing its presence.

EMILY

Answer it, dammit.

More rings. Eugene pushes the talk button, listens.

EUGENE

There’s been an accident at the lab.

He goes to the door. Then returns and tries to give Emily a goodbye peck. She pulls away in anger.

EUGENE

Think about it.

LATER

Emily stares at the barren Christmas tree. Her angry state is broken by the BUZZING of the doorbell.

Emily just sits. Another loud BUZZING. She gives in.

INT/EXT. HALL – DAY

There stands Rachel with a bouquet of flowers.

RACHEL

Mother asked me to bring these.

Rachel reaches over and gives Emily a big hug.

RACHEL

She’s so looking forward to her visit.

Emily takes the flowers and stares at Rachel.

RACHEL

What?

EMILY

Come in.

She leads Rachel to the living room.

AFTER SCENE WITH TRANSITION….I added the transition: question and answer….

INT. SUNNYVALE REST HOME – NIGHT

A RECEPTIONIST,30s, answers the phone. She listens. Is surprised by what she hears.

RECEPTIONIST

Who is it you wish to talk with?

INTERCUT – PHONE CONVERSATION

EMILY

Mrs. Mary Payne. Is she still up?

The receptionist grimaces.

RECEPTIONIST

Who is this?

EMILY

I’m her daughter, Emily, calling from San Francisco.

The receptionist takes her time in answering.

RECEPTIONIST

Oh…you don’t know…you’re Emily.

EMILY

Yes…

Silence on the other end.

EMILY

What is it?

RECEPTIONIST

I’m sorry to inform you Mrs. Payne died along with your sister in a fire in Rachel’s home.

EMILY

What? That’s impossible.

RECEPTIONIST

Several days ago.

Emily drops her phone. Eugene picks it up.

EUGENE

Hello…

The phone is dead. He looks at Emily. She grabs herself, hunches over and collapses into a chair.

EUGENE

What is it?

EMILY

She said my mother and Rachel died in a fire. How could that be? Rachel is here?

Eugene sees Emily’s pain. He moves over to her and wraps her in his arms. She collapses.

EMILY

What am I gonna do?

INT. WHITMORE HOTEL – DAY

Emily walks up to the CLERK, a longhaired, seedy looking guy. She’s surprised at the dirty lobby.

EMILY

I’m here to see Rachel Payne.

The guy doesn’t say anything. He checks his roster, GROANING AND MOANING.

CLERK

Not at this fine establishment.

EMILY

Look, she’s been here for a week attending the artist convention.

The clerk laughs.

CLERK

Yah, lady, check out our Picasso paintings on the walls.

Emily stares at the guy.

CLERK

Look, lady, I said she ain’t here, and she ain’t here.

He turns the registrar book around. Points at it.

Emily flips through the pages. She points to Rachel’s name on the lager.

EMILY

Okay, you win. She’s checked out.

Emily’s phone rings. She doesn’t answer it. Moves to the hotel door.

CLERK

Hey, wait…

Emily turns toward him.

CLERK

She did keep bragging about a place where she went as a kid.

An exited Emily gives the Clerk a big smile.

EMILY

Thank you so much.

He watches her leave. Pulls a wad of cash from his pocket and counts it.

SCENE 2 – WITHOUT TRANSITION

INT./EXT. EMILY’S SUV – DAY

Emily drives along the road heading for the Golden Gate Bridge. She ignores a cell phone.

She pays the toll and exits the…

BRIDGE

Her phone rings. She looks at the caller.

EMILY

Hello…

She listens.

EMILY

Yes, thank you Detective Thomas for calling me back.

She nods her head.

EMILY

I can meet you tomorrow. I should be able to see you about 2. My address is 100 Woods Road. See you then.

Emily continues down the road until she sees Oak Drive the first turn to her right. A sign reads, “Zachary’s Cabins, 25 miles.”

The sun slowly descends into night as Emily turns onto Oak Drive.

EXT. ZACHARY’S CABINS – NIGHT

Emily drives up to main office in darkness. The cabins seem deserted. The dirt parking lot kicks up dust as she nears the front of the building.

Her headlights flash onto a sign that says, “Closed for the Winter.”

EMILY

Fuck.

She parks the car. Leaves the headlights on.

SCENE 2 WITH TRANSITION

INT./EXT. EMILY’S SUV – DAY

Emily drives along the road heading for the Golden Gate Bridge. She ignores a cell phone call.

She pays the toll and exits the…

BRIDGE

Her phone rings. She looks at the caller.

EMILY

Hello…

She listens.

EMILY

Yes, thank you Detective Thomas for calling me back.

She nods her head.

EMILY

I can meet you tomorrow. I should be able to see you about 2. My address is 100 Woods Road. See you then.

Emily continues down the road until she sees Oak Drive the first turn to her right. A sign reads, “Zachary’s Cabins, 25 miles.”

EXT. ZACHARY’S CABINS – NIGHT

A sign reads, ZACHARY CABINS, welcome. It’s barely visible in the darkness.

Emily drives up to main office. The dirt parking lot kicks up dust as she nears the front of the building. Her headlights flash onto a sign that says, “Closed for the Winter.”

EMILY

Fuck.

She parks the car. Leaves the headlights on. She looks around. All the cabins are dark, except for one with a faint light visible through the window.

She gets a flashlight out of her car. Turns on her headlights. Moves to the cabin.

EMILY

Number 5. Number 5.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

JUDITH’S SCENE ELEVATION – LESSON 11

What I learned from this lesson is to check that my scenes all are consisting of components that make them entertaining for the audience.

Note: I originally had Emily finding out that she is pregnant and then accepting Rachel into her life without question and going baby shopping. But after some feedback, I decided to get rid of the baby shopping and have a plot point 1 where Emily takes more charge of her life and only lets Rachel in with conditions thinking she has the upper hand since she doesn’t know what the audience knows that Rachel is a killer and scheming to do something to Emily.

OLD SCENE

EXT. BABY BOUTIQUE – DAY

Emily runs up to Rachel. She automatically hugs her. Rachel hugs back, a puzzled look on her face.

Rachel looks around. Points at the baby boutique.

EMILY

I’m pregnant.

A smile forms on Rachel’s face.

RACHEL

That’s great. But you’re going to adopt.

EMILY

Of course. Katie’s a great little girl. She’ll, or he’ll have a big sister just like you and me. And now that we’re…

Rachel opens the door just as a WOMAN,20s, and her BABY in a stroller are exiting.

She holds the door for them.

Adoringly, Emily looks at the baby.

EMILY

How old is your baby?

WOMAN

Six months.

EMILY

She’s so cute.

WOMAN

He.

EMILY

Sorry. Hard to tell at this age.

The woman goes on her way.

INT. BABY BOUTIQUE – DAY

Rachel follows Emily as she walks over to a counter full of baby clothes. She picks up an item. Shows it to Rachel.

EMILY

Look…

RACHEL

I see.

Overcome with excitement, she picks up one item after another.

A SALESGIRL,50s, comes over. She admires Emily’s joy in playing with the baby clothes.

SALESGIRL

First one?

Emily’s startled.

EMILY

Everything is so cute. How do you decide?

SALESGIRL

Boy or girl?

EMILY

I don’t know.

RACHEL

She just found out.

SALESGIRL

Oh…then may I suggest yellow. That way, either way, boy or girl works.

RACHEL

That’s an old way of thinking isn’t it. Aren’t we allowed to dress our kids anyway we want.

Emily approves of Rachel’s comments.

EMILY

Furniture?

SALESGIRL

In the back room.

BACK ROOM

Emily and Rachel walk into a room full of baby beds, dressers, etc. The salesgirl follows.

Walking between the beds, Emily touches each lovingly. She starts HUMMING, ‘ROCK A BYE BABY’ as she arranges pillows and blankets as if a child were in the bed.

EMILY

I guess I better wait until…

Her thought is interrupted by her ringing phone. She listens…

EMILY

That was Eugene.

INT. GROCERY – DAY

Emily pushes a shopping cart through the aisles filling it with items for dinner.

RACHEL

I’ll see you tomorrow.

EMILY

Where are you going?

RACHEL

It’s your special night…

EMILY

The rest of the day is ours, sister. We can cook together like we use to. Catch up.

RACHEL

I don’t know…you.. Eugene…

EMILY

I won’t take no for an answer.

RACHEL

It would be fun.

EMILY

My baby has an aunt.

NEW SCENE

COMPONENTS OF THE SCENE:

Emily is ecstatic that she is pregnant. Rachel shows up to get an answer about reconciliation.

Rachel pleads her case.

Emily accepts with conditions thinking she has the upper hand.

3 SCENE STRUCTURES I AM USING IN THE NEW SCENE

SUSPENSE – Rachel showing up. What is she there to do?

CRUCIBLE – Rachel shows up at Em’s house.

SUPERIOR POSITION – Audience knows Rachel is dangerous and Emily does not.

EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY

Rachel rings the doorbell. She waits. Peaks through the window. Doesn’t see Emily but Ralphie stands by the window growling.

Rachel moves around the house. Bangs on the back door. Ralphie barks. We see his mouth move, but don’t hear his barks. A silent protest going unheeded. He claws at the door trying to get out but to no avail.

Rachel looks around. She sees the barn/studio and moves toward it.

EXT. BARN/STUDIO – DAY

Approaching the barn doors, Rachel peaks inside. She silently enters. Looks around. Sees an easel with a canvas.

Emily stands at the easel about to paint a picture of an animal. She considers where to start as Rachel watches silently. Then she moves toward Emily.

A squeak. Emily drops her brush, turns toward the squeak. Almost screams at the form of Rachel.

EMILY

What the fuck?

RACHEL

Sorry, you were thinking so hard…

EMILY

Why are you here?

Rachel shrugs.

RACHEL

Gotta go home soon.

Emily cleans her hands. She looks at Rachel. Studying her.

Rachel reaches into her purse. Emily moves back.

Rachel pulls out a piece of paper as an envelope falls to the ground.

RACHEL

I read it. I’m so sorry I caused all that hurt all these years sending these letters back.

Rachel rips up the letter. She picks up the envelope and tears it up. The pieces flutter to the floor.

Emily stares, breathing heavily.

Rachel steps on them and crushes them into the ground.

A sense of relief comes over Emily. She softens. Rushes over to Rachel and gives her a big hug.

Rachel is taken aback, but reciprocates. After a long while, the women release their embrace. Emily smiles at Rachel.

EMILY

Under one condition. Either way it turns out, I will be able to have contact with mom. When I call the nursing home, I will get to talk with her and I will be able to see her.

RACHEL

Not until we give our relationship a try. We keep mom out of it until the final decision.

EMILY

Two weeks…

RACHEL

Two weeks…

[Judith Watson]

JUDITH’S MEANINGFUL SCENE – LESSON 10 –

WHAT I LEARNED IS TO LOOK THRU MY SCENES TO FIND WAYS TO ADD MEANINGFUL ACTION THROUGH EVALUATION AND BRAINSTORMING.

OLD SCENE: FADE IN:

EXT. MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Quiet streets. Christmas decorations and lights adorn the houses creating a cheery atmosphere.

INT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

A modest living room decorated for Christmas. In one corner a dried out Christmas tree with all the trimmings.

Candles sit on every available spot. They are arranged in an orderly fashion.

MOM,75, sits in a comfortable recliner watching her daughter, RACHEL PAYNE,34, light the candles. Rachel is an intense woman. She’s singly directed and once she makes up her mind, nothing will change it. She always feels she is right.

A concerned look crosses Mom’s face.

MOM

Aren’t lighting all those candles a bit dangerous, honey? If one caught on fire, we’d all go up in flames.

Rachel grabs a blanket from the couch and covers mom’s legs.

RACHEL

You know how I love candles.

She points to a fire extinguisher.

MOM

The tree looks awfully dry. You should water it.

Rachel looks at the tree.

RACHEL

Hmmm…I’ll get some water.

She disappears. We HEAR water running. Rachel returns and fills the tree stand with water.

Mom is deep in thought. Suddenly, her face brightens.

MOM

Rachel, when did you say Emily is getting here?

She spins around, almost lunging, then gains composure.

RACHEL

For the tenth time, in two days.

MOM

It’ll be so wonderful having us all together again.

Rachel frowns.

Mom moves to get up from her chair. Rachel winces at the effort and rushes over to her.

RACHEL

You know the doctor wants you resting as much as possible.

Mom moves back into the recliner. Props her feet up and smiles at her daughter.

MOM

Would you be a dear and get me the album?

Rachel, annoyed, disappears down the hallway and returns with a photo album.

MOM

Thank you, dear.

She opens it up. Points to a picture.

MOM

Remember when we took this photo?

RACHEL

The day Emily arrived.

MOM

I was so thrilled to have her. And a nice sister for you. You two look so much alike everyone thought you were sisters.

RACHEL

Yah, a nice birthday present for me.

Mom is lost in thought.

MOM

She was such a blessing.

RACHEL

I was about to blow out my candles…happy four-years-old… everyone rushed to the door to greet little miss perfect. Just the presents and me sitting there at the table.

MOM

She looked so scared. You remember?

RACHEL

I opened my presents alone in my room.

MOM

She made the house a place of joy.

Mom stares at Rachel.

MOM

Whatever happened between you two?

A teapot SCREAMS in the kitchen.

RACHEL

Tea?

MOM

What dear?

RACHEL

Tea?

MOM

Don’t make it too hot.

RACHEL

Of course not, I wouldn’t want you to spill it on yourself and get burned.

MOM

Just the right amount of sugar.

Rachel disappears into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Rachel pulls the screeching kettle off the stove.

RACHEL

Don’t make it too hot… Don’t forget my sugar…Sure, Mom, sure.

Rachel puts a doily onto a plate and carefully fills a cup with water. Places a tea bag into it. Adds a couple of teaspoonfuls of sugar.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Mom leafs through the album. Each picture seems to bring her more happiness. She gets to one photo she’s overjoyed with just as Rachel returns with her tea.

MOM

Oh, look, this is when Emily won the art prize. She was so thrilled.

Rachel places the tea on the end table by Mom.

Set up pt pay off later

RACHEL

It should have been my prize. She stole my work and turned it in as her own.

MOM

Now, Rachel, you know that’s not true. Emily always had more art talent than you. You just wished it was your work.

Rachel is resigned.

RACHEL

Drink your tea.

MOM

All these years and you still worry about that.

RACHEL

Silly me.

Mom takes a cautious sip.

MOM

It’s not too hot. Good job.

Mom takes another sip.

MOM

What’s that taste?

RACHEL

A healthier, zero calorie sugar.

Rachel takes a taste of her tea. She watches Mom swizzle another sip.

RACHEL

What do you think, good?

Mom’s face grimaces. She clutches at her throat. Coughs, choking on her perfect tea.

RACHEL

No good, huh…I goofed again.

She reaches out to Rachel who just stands there watching Mom gasp for air.

MOM

(barely audible)

Help me.

Rachel watches Mom fade away. The tea cup falls to the floor spilling liquid on the carpet. Rachel disappears down the hallway. We hear a DRAGGING sound. She returns pulling a body by the legs, a package under her arm.

The body is of a woman in dirty clothes. Her hair is tangled. She looks as if she hasn’t bathe in a year.

She pulls the homeless woman next to the tree. Takes sawdust from the package and sprinkles it around the room. A special nice dose on Mom.

She puts the fire extinguisher in front of the homeless woman’s body. Arranges her arms as if reaching for it. Not quite right. She works at it until she’s satisfied.

Rachel looks at Mom, unconscious. She kisses her. She lights the candles.

RACHEL

I’m afraid it’s gonna be too hot, but just perfect.

She grabs her coat and purse. Knocks over all the candles. The room bursts into flame. Rachel races toward the back of the house to escape.

EXT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Rachel runs to a blue Chevy in the alley behind her house.

She gets in and drives away as the front windows of the house burst from their frames littering the dead front lawn and flying onto Rachel’s black Mercedes parked in front of the house. The flames lap at the car charring the side.

EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Rachel’s neighbor, MRS. BROWN,60’S, runs out of her house.

MRS. BROWN

Oh, miGod. Oh, miGod.

She dials 911. Races to a hose and douses her house with water.

EXT. STRIP MALL – NIGHT

Dark. A store: ART YOU WANT,original paintings and unique ceramics with an “out of business, closed forever,” sign.

Rachel’s Chevy turns into the driveway in front of the store. She slows down and stops. A tear trickles down her cheek. She throws a kiss at the store and drives off.

NEW SCENE: FADE IN:

EXT. MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Quiet streets. Christmas decorations and lights adorn the houses creating a cheery atmosphere.

INT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

A modest living room decorated for Christmas. In one corner a dried out Christmas tree with all the trimmings.

Candles sit on every available spot. They are arranged in an orderly fashion.

MOM,75, sits in a comfortable recliner watching her daughter, RACHEL PAYNE,34, light the candles. Rachel is an intense woman. She’s singly directed and once she makes up her mind, nothing will change it. She always feels she is right.

A concerned look crosses Mom’s face.

MOM

Aren’t lighting all those candles a bit dangerous, honey? If one caught on fire, we’d all go up in flames.

Rachel grabs a blanket from the couch and covers Mom’s legs.

RACHEL

You know how I love candles.

She points to a fire extinguisher.

MOM

The tree looks awfully dry. You should water it.

Rachel looks at the tree.

RACHEL

Hmmm…I’ll get some water.

She disappears. We HEAR water running. Rachel returns and fills the tree stand with water.

Mom is deep in thought. Suddenly, her face brightens.

MOM

Rachel, when did you say Emily is getting here?

Spinning around, almost lunging, Rachel gains composure.

RACHEL

For the tenth time, in two days.

MOM

It’ll be so wonderful having us all together again.

Rachel frowns.

Mom moves to get up from her chair. Rachel winces at the effort and rushes over to her.

RACHEL

You know the doctor wants you resting as much as possible.

Mom moves back into the recliner. Props her feet up and smiles at her daughter.

MOM

Would you be a dear and get me the album?

Rachel, annoyed, disappears down the hallway and returns with a photo album.

MOM

Thank you, dear.

She opens it up. Points to a picture.

MOM

Remember when we took this photo?

Without even looking…

RACHEL

The day Emily arrived.

MOM

I was so thrilled to have her. And a nice sister for you. You two look so much alike everyone thought you were sisters.

RACHEL

Yah, a nice birthday present for me.

Mom is lost in thought.

MOM

She was such a blessing.

RACHEL

(indignantly)

Yah…

MOM

She looked so scared. You remember?

RACHEL

Ah…hah.

MOM

She made the house a place of joy.

A teapot SCREAMS in the kitchen.

RACHEL

Tea’s ready.

MOM

What dear?

RACHEL

Tea?

MOM

Don’t make it too hot.

RACHEL

Of course not, I wouldn’t want you to spill it on yourself and get burned.

MOM

Just the right amount of sugar.

Rachel disappears into the kitchen.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Rachel pulls the screeching kettle off the stove.

RACHEL

Don’t make it too hot… Don’t forget my sugar.

Rachel puts a doily onto a plate and carefully fills a cup with water. Places a tea bag into it. Adds a couple of teaspoonfuls of sugar.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Mom leafs through the album. Each picture seems to bring her more happiness. She gets to one photo she’s overjoyed with just as Rachel returns with her tea.

MOM

Oh, look, this is when Emily won the art prize. She was so thrilled.

Rachel almost drops the cup of tea. Catches herself and places the tea on the end table by Mom.

Set up pt pay off later

RACHEL

Drink your tea.

Mom takes a cautious sip.

MOM

It’s not too hot. Good job.

Rachel’s surprised. She smiles at Mom who takes another sip and cancels out her “good job” complement.

MOM

What’s that taste?

RACHEL

(resigned)

A healthier, zero calorie sugar.

Rachel samples her tea. She watches Mom swizzle another sip.

RACHEL

What do you think, good?

Mom’s face grimaces. She clutches at her throat. Coughs, choking on her perfect tea.

RACHEL

No good, huh…

She reaches out to Rachel who just stands there watching Mom gasp for air.

As Mom fades away the tea cup falls to the floor spilling liquid on the carpet.

Rachel disappears down the hallway. We hear a DRAGGING sound. She returns pulling a body by the legs. A package anchored under her arm.

The body is of a woman in dirty clothes. Her hair is tangled. She looks as if she hasn’t bathe in a year.

She pulls the homeless woman next to the tree. Takes sawdust from the package and sprinkles it around the room. A special nice dose on Mom.

She puts the fire extinguisher in front of the homeless woman’s body. Arranges her arms as if reaching for it. Not quite right. She works at it until she’s satisfied.

Rachel looks at Mom, unconscious. She kisses her. She lights the candles.

RACHEL

I’m afraid it’s gonna be too hot, but just perfect.

She grabs her coat and purse. Knocks over all the candles. The room bursts into flame. Rachel races toward the back of the house.

EXT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Rachel runs to a blue Chevy in the alley behind her house.

She gets in and drives away as the front windows of the house burst from frames. The glass litters the dead front lawn and flies onto Rachel’s black Mercedes parked in front of the house. The flames lap at the car charring the side.

EXT. STRIP MALL – NIGHT

Dark. A store: ART YOU WANT, original paintings and unique ceramics with an “out of business, closed forever,” sign.

Rachel’s Chevy turns into the driveway, slows and stops in front of the store.

INT. RACHEL’S CAR – NIGHT

A tear trickles down Rachel’s cheek. She throws a kiss at the store and drives off.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Updated Beat Sheet – Lesson 8

What I’ve learned is to continue to work with the beats in different ways helps improve the scenes. Working on the outline is easier than working on the whole script. Take each part of the script one by one and do the rewrite that way instead of looking at everything at one time.

3 Scenes I am improving: Opening; Adoption Papers; Return to sender letter.

PURPOSE OF:

OPENING: Set up that Rachel has killed her mother and faked her own death.

ADOPTION AGENCY: Set up that Eugene and Emily are going to have a family, it’s come true.

RETURN TO SENDER LETTER: Set up that Emily still can’t let go of her real family even though they’ve abandoned her. She still hopes that reunification is possible and they can live happily-ever-after.

1. Opening – I’ve gone back and forth on this scene. At first, we saw Rachel kill her mom and fake her own death. However, I thought this was too soon to let the audience know right away that Rachel is a killer.

2. Then I started with Emily getting ready for the gallery showing and getting rid of the return to sender letter. But, this didn’t show Rachel revenge bent. I thought I could show her true self in a Flashback.

3.Then I thought, well, instead of showing who has killed the mom and the other woman and burns down the house, I’d make it look like the neighborhood had robberies and this robber got carried away and accidently set the house on fire.

So, my question is. When do you all like to know who the bad guy is? Is it too early, as in one? Is it too confusing as in two? Your thoughts would be welcomed.

Scene 2 to improve.

The Adoption Agency – I thought was dull. Also, the papers were to be signed later.

Old Beats:

Eugene and Emily arrive at the agency.

They are told finalizing the adoption is almost there. Be patient, Katie is almost yours.

They talk about how great that would be and how happy they are.

New Beats:

Eugene and Emily arrive at the agency.

Surprise, the papers are approved. They sign the final papers.

Katie is theirs in one week. Joy!!!

Then later, another scene, the agency calls and tells them that the adoption is off because Emily is not a fit mother having stolen paintings and sold them as hers.

Scene 3: Part of the opening with Emily

Old Beats:

The paintings are ready to go to the gallery.

The movers are late.

Emily finds out that someone, not her, called the movers and told them to come in the afternoon.

She gets another “return to sender letter” and decides to throw it away. And she throws out the other letters.

(I thought this doesn’t show how much Emily desire Rachel in her life.)

So new beats:

The paintings are ready to go to the gallery.

The movers are late.

Emily finds out that someone, not her, called the movers and told them to come in the afternoon.

She gets another “return to sender letter” and starts to throw it away but doesn’t.

Eugene sees her and they argue about it. He tells her it’s time. We have our own family. But she can’t let go. And this shows the arc she will go through with realizing Rachel is not her family.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Scene Evaluations Lesson 7

What is learned is to review scenes different times with a different object in mind. Do all one by one.

HIGH SCENES: 6-8; 17; 19; 22; 24 – 26; 28-33; 35-49

LOW SCENES: 27; and if 5 is low: 1,9,13,16

SURPRISE SCENES: need to decide when to reveal Rachel is guilty. I’ve struggled with this. Any ideas. Originally, scene one showed Rachel is out to kill. Then I thought, too soon. So, I’m still struggling with this. So scenes 1, 2, 27.

What I learned is rating scenes was confusing to me, but it seems necessary and every time we apply a new technique to our script, we see places to improve.

SCENE 1 – E5

OPENING: Emily finishes wrapping the paintings. Wonders what time it is. Checks watch. Where are the movers? Races inside to call. They said she called. Get out here or I’ll get someone else. Not here, have an important meeting to go to. Better do this right.

Emily gets a “return to sender” letter and she throws it in the trash. Husband proud of her.

SCENE 2 – I,7

Detective Thomas gets infor from the murder scene and from the nosey neighbor.

SCENE 3 – E7

Emily and Eugene sign the final adoption papers for Katie.

SCENE 4 – E6

Emily rejoices that the paintings have beem taken to the gallery for the show.

SCENE 5 – I -7

Emily takes a bath to get ready for the gallery show. A scratch scares Ralphie and he runs off. Returns hurt. Emily fixes his wound.

Column 2

SCENE 6 – I, E 9

INCITING INCIDENT: Successful gallery show. Rachel arrives baring flowers and a card from mom. Let’s be a family. Emily angry that she disturbed the show and should have come to the house and not embarass her.

SCENE 7 – E9

Katie rescues a little girl from a bully on the swing.

SCENE 8 – E9

Emily teaches art to her best friend’s 3rd grade class and we meet Katie and Lynn. Rachel watches in the hiding.

SCENE 9 – RO 5

Thomas learns from the coroner that the bodies are mom and Rachel. No id for Rachel. Still investigating. done it wrong. Misdirectdion clue her.

SCENE 10 – E7

PLOT POINT 1 – Rachel shows up carrying a “return to sender” letter. Emily is not friendly at first. Rachel profusely apologizes for hurting her all these years. Ralphie is not freindly to Rachel when she arrives. Gettogether later. I’ll call you.

Column 3

SCENE 11 – E7

Emily goes to see Dr. Goodman and finds he has been killed. His secretary gives her a journal with her name in it. Emily doesn’t read it right away. Is distracted by a phone cal. Forgets to read journal.

SCENE 12 – I, E6

Emily gets sick while running and playing with Ralphie. She goes to the doctor. And finds out she is pregnant. Eug and Em are so happy.

SCENE 13 – C5 (curiosity)

Detective visits rest home of mom: finds – Emily’s first name – pix of girls as kids. how much they look alike.NEED MORE HERE. Visit once. Sister big fight. Told her to stay???? away.

SCENE 14 – I7

Rachel shows up. emiy forgot to call. Shares with Rachel that she is pregrant. Rachel pretends excitement.

SCENE 15 – E7

Emily and Rachel check out the baby things at the Baby Boutique store. They have a great time!.

Column 4

SCENE 16 -I5

Thomas is going through files at the police station looking for Emily.

SCENE 17 – I,E8

Emily and Rachel prepare the baby celebration dinner. Emily tells Rachel how much she has missed her all these years. They have fun together. Rachel finds the art certificate Emily won, the art work she stole from Rachel and pretended it was hers. Rachel scratches it out.

SCENE 18 – E7

Eugene and Emily enjoy the dinner. Make love afterwards. Rachel has left telling them it is their special time.

SCENE 19 – E7

Rachel destroys the art gallery and all of Emily’s paintings. She saves one of a family.

SCENE 20 – I7

Emily and Eugene are still lovey dovey. He finds the scratched out certificate. Doesn’t say anything. He goes to work.

Column 5

SCENE 21 – RO,7

Thomas is dogged. he is determined to finish his last case before retiring. His Captain, his dear friend tells him to follow his clues and talk with the SF police when he finds the other daughter. Finish this case. Captian calls him a stub born old coot. your last case, find the truth.

SCENE 22 – E8

Emily stares at a blank canvas. Ralphie at her feet. She gets a call that the gallery and her paintings burned down last night. Freaks out and leaves. She is devastated at what she sees. Tries to call Eugene. No answer. Collects pieces of paintings not charred. No answer from Rachel either.

SCENE 23 – E6

Emily calls clients to see if they want their money back or a new painting. She tires and goes to the Barn/Studio.

SCENE 24 – E8

She takes the pieces of painting and makes a mobile out of them. Hangs them up in the studio. Rachel arrives and she learns about the fire and will take Emily to lunch.

SCENE 25 – I,E9

At the restuarant Emily sees Eugene friendly with another woman. She freaks out and confronts him and the woman. They take it outside and eventually Rachel comes along and takes Emily home.

Column 6

SCENE 26 – E9

Rachel pays off the actress for pretending to be Eugene’s affair.

SCENE 27 – E2

Eugene stares at the wall at work. He tries to call the investor and her number is not working. He goes to the restaurant and finds actress dead , overdose? He becomes concerned fo Emily, goes to house and she is not there.

SCENE 28 – E9

Emily stares blankly at an empty canvas. Rachel brings her a cup of tea. She tells Rachel she wants to be alone. (poison tea – Eugene discovers her fallen to the ground}

SCENE 29 – E10

MIDPOINT – Eugene and Emily have a huge fight. He shows her the certificate. Tells her she’s up to no good. Emily won’t believe it. She calls mom and finds out Mom and Rachel were killed in the house fire. How can that be? Rachel is here.

SCENE 30 – I,E9

Emily stares at the Christmas tree and ornaments trying to decide what to do. She decides to confront Rachel. READS GOODMAN’S JOURNAL HERE. MOTIVATION? laying around. looking for keys? falls on flour?

Column 7

SCENE 31 – E8

The Hotel Clerk tells her that Rachel has left.

However, she kept talking abut a place she went on vacation as a kid.

SCENE 32 – I,E9

Rachel freaks Lynn out at school trying to take her with the rabbit foot.WORK ON THIS SCENE. OTHER????

SCENE 33 – I,E9

The adoption agency calls and says that the adoption is on hold because Emily stole paintings and sold them as her own. What else could go wrong?

SCENE 34 – RO6

Emily drives to the cabins.

SCENE 35 – E9

She and Rachel have a big fight and all is reveaed here about why Rachel hates Emily. Fight, candles on fire, Emily knocked out and manages to get out with the help of the Winter Caretaker for the Cabins.

Column 8

SCENE 36 – E9

Rachel causes Eugene to have a freeway accident.

SCENE 37 – E9

Eugene in the hospital.

SCENE 38 – E9

Emily is driving home. Gets a call about Eugene’s accident. He’s in the hospital. Lynn joins her there and agress to get Katie from????party, where..Lynn tells her about the incident at school. Rache around too

SCENE 39 – E9

Emily stays with Eugene and the doc tells her to go home and get some rest. Her being at the hospital throws off Rachel from completely killing Eugen.

SCENE 40

PLOT POINT 2 – E10

Emily goes to Lynn’s house to pick up Katie. Finds Lynn dying and Katie has been kidnapped by Rachel and taken to Emily’s house. HOW IS RACH GOING TO GET KATIE WHEN THE ADOPTION AGENCY DOESN’T WANT EM TO SEE THE GIRL? HOW WILL LYNN GET HER?

Column 9

SCENE 41 – E9

Emily arrives home. Doesn’t find Katie. Finds Ralphie tied up. She lets him loose and he smells a jacket on a chair and races out the doggie door.

SCENE 42 – E9

Emily follows him and finds him digging up Detective Thomas’ body in the woods. While staring at the site, Rachel attacks Emily.

SCENE 43 – E9

Emily escapes and Rachel calls to her that if she wants Katie safe she needs to meet her in the Barn/Studio.

SCENE 44 -9

Emily escapes and Rachel calls to her that if she wants Katie safe she needs to meet her in the Barn/Studio.

SCENE 45 -9

Emily tries to find a weapon in the house, doesn’t. She finds one in her car trunk.

Column 10

SCENE 46 – E9

Emily sneaks into the barn. She sees Katie. Goes to rescue her. Gets her partially untied when Rachel attacks. The fight pursues in the mist of lit candles. Katie manages to get away. As the women fight, we see grotesque paintings on the easel done by Rachel but signed in Emily’s name. Emily escapes, but Rachel is lost in the fire.

SCENE 47 – E7

The barn fire is put out. Thomas is loaded onto the coroner’s van.

SCENE 48 – E10

Emily brings Eugene home. While eating dinner, the doorbell rings. The social worker has brought Katie to her new home. She is welcomed.

SCENE 49 – E9

Emily lays flowers on her mother’s grave. She says goodbye to Mom and Rachel while Katie and Eugene watch in the background.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Character Intros – Lesson 6

What I learned is character intros can be done in 6 different

ways:action; other characters’ reaction; reputation build;

character philosophy; situation demands the character; and

reveal opening.

I haven’t listed the beats for my previous protagonist

introduction because I completely changed the first scene

from my original script after doing the beats exercise. Here

are the beats an the scene for my protagonist introduction:

Emily finishes wrapping the paintings for transport.

She is happy, excited, until she realizes that the movers who

should have been here thirty-minutes ago are not.

She becomes concerned and races into the house to get her

cell phone.

In the house she finds out “someone” called and delayed the

arrival of the movers.

She tells them to get right out here, or she will find someone

who will.

After that, things only get worse. She finds a “return to

sender” letter.

She is saddened, she moves toward the closet and starts to

throw the letter on a pile.

Then, she becomes determined. She tears the letter in half

and throws it in the trash.

Her husband, Eugene, has been watching this her. A huge smile

crosses his face.

“I’m proud of you.”

“It’s time to let go.”

SCENE:

INT. BARN/STUDIO – DAY

The building houses an artist’s studio. Empty easels sit

about. Shelves with painting supplies line a wall.

Emily Parsons, 30s, finishes wrapping a painting in plastic.

She carefully places it next to several other wrappings.

Happy, excited, she admires her work.

2.

She touches the wrapped paintings lovingly. Her babies ready

to be displayed and show their excellence in the gallery show

tonight.

Suddenly a concerned look crosses her face. She checks her

watch.

EMILY

Where are those movers?

She searches for her cell phone.

EMILY (CONT’D)

Fuck, left it inside.

She races from the studio.

EXT. WOODSY AREA – DAY

She hurries toward her house. A one-story building with walls

of glass on one side. The house is located in the woods.

Pristine, beautiful. A creative paradise.

INT. HOUSE – DAY

Emily enters the hallway. Sees her cellphone lying on the

side table. She grabs it, dials.

EMILY

Hello, Emily Parsons here. Where

are you?

She listens.

EMILY (CONT’D)

What? I never called you.

She listens.

EMILY (CONT’D)

I did not.

EUGENE PARSONS, 30s, watches his wife. Puzzled.

EMILY (CONT’D)

Let me tell you this. If you can’t

come out here right away and transport

my paintings to the gallery, I’ll

find someone who can.

Satisfied the movers are coming, she hangs up the cell.

EMILY (CONT’D)

Can you believe that?

(MORE)

3.

EMILY (CONT’D)

They said I called and delayed the

pick-up time. Me. Knowing the

paintings need time to be displayed.

The nerve. Last time I take a

recommendation from Gloria.

Eugene doesn’t know what to say. He moves toward Emily and

puts his arms around her. It quiets her. She hugs back.

EUGENE

I gotta go to work. Pick me up in

an hour?

Emily starts to answer but is distracted by a letter on the

side table. She picks it up. “Return to sender” is written

on it.

Staring at Eugene, she holds up the letter. He reads it.

Saddened and almost seeming lost, she moves toward the closet.

She stops, gets a determined look on her face, tears the letter

up and tosses it in the trash.

Eugene can’t believe what she has done.

EUGENE (CONT’D)

I’m proud of you.

EMILY

It’s time to move on.

He nods in agreement.

EUGENE

See you in an hour.

A half-smile from Emily.

He leaves.

Looking at the closet door, she moves toward it. Pulls it

open and grabs a box. As she carries the box, the flap bounces

up and down revealing that it is full of “return to sender”

letters. She takes the box outside.

EXT. HOUSE – DAY

She dumps the contents of the box into the trash. One spills

over the side. She doesn’t notice. She flaps her hands

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Elevated Character Story Beats – Lesson 5

What I’ve learned is to review all the beats of the characters to make sure they are functioning together and throughout the story. I elevated Detective Thomas’ story beats for this lesson.

Rachel –

Profile:

Role: Villain – out to get her younger sister for past “offenses”

Core Character Traits: revengeful; scheming; patient; critical; deceitful

Character Subtext Logline: Rachel is a deceptive older sister who is pretending to want a loving relationship with her younger foster sister.

Want:/Need: Rachel wants revenge for past hurts but needs to let go of childish hurts and old beliefs and move on with her life.

Secret: she’s pretending to want a relationship, but she wants to get Emily for past hurts by appealing to her need for love and family.

IMPROVED ITEM: Change patient to calm because I think it is more useful to develop her scheming side and make her more sincere.

Beg: Rachel kills her mother and a homeless woman to make it look like she died in the house fire along with her mom. We see the scene as a thief doing the robbing and killing.

Middle: Rachel escapes from Emily to the Cabin in the woods and sets it up that she will find her there.

End: Rachel dies in a fire in the Barn/studio after a fight with Emily.

Story details/broad or detail: ACT 1 –

1.OPENING -Rachel kills mom and homeless woman. She intends to make it look like she died in the fire so she can coerce Emily into a renewed sisterhood and take over her life.

2.Rachel secretly hangs around Emily’s house, scaring her dog and Emily in her bath by scratching the window, unseen, and wounding Ralphie, Emily’s dog.

3.INCITING INCIDENT: Rachel shows up at Emily’s Gallery show unannounced carrying flowers and a card from Mom saying she wants to reunite with Emily.

4.Rachel spies on Emily at the school where she teaches art in her friend, Lynn’s 3^rd grade class. She sees the relationship between Emily and Katie.

5. Rachel secretly spies on Eugene and Emily when they go to the adoption agency to sign the final papers for Katie.

6. PLOT POINT 1: Rachel arrives at Emily house asking if she made up her mind. She carries a “return to sender” letter she found by the trash and humbly apologizes to Emily for all the hurt she caused over the years.

ACT 2A –

7.Emily tells Rachel she is pregnant, and Emily pretends excitement for her.

8.Rachel and Emily explore a Baby Boutique. Much laughing and fun.

9.Rachel and Emily return to the house. (wait a minute, she’s already been here. So the description needed to be earlier and Ralphie acting negatively toward her. – not scene 24 in outline)

10.Rachel and Emily have fun preparing the baby celebration dinner. Rachel becomes upset when she sees an art award certificate Emily won as a kid in the kitchen closet. She scratches it out and puts it back on the wall behind some dishes.

11.Rachel leaves Eugene and Emily to celebrate without her. Emily comments on such a considerate sister.

12.Rachel is at the art gallery destroying the paintings by burning them down. She saves one painting of a family.

13.Rachel arrives at Emily’s house, and she tells her about the gallery burning. Emily tells her she couldn’t get in touch with Eugene or her by phone. Rachel pretends sympathy and will take her to lunch to get her mind off the tragedy.

14.At the restaurant Rachel points out Eugene being friendly to another woman.

15.Rachel pays off the woman for pretending to be Eugene’s girlfriend.

ACT 2B

16.Rachel visits Emily after the incident. She is bummed out, so Rachel brings her a cup of tea. Rachel killed her mom with a cup of poisoned tea.

17. Rachel tries to kill Eugene by causing an accident on the freeway.

18.Rachel freaks Katie out by giving her a bloodied rabbit foot she claims was from Emily.

19.Rachel waits for Emily in the Cabin in the Woods. They fight and Rachel lays all her grievances onto Emily.

19.A – Rachel kills Lynn and Kidnaps Katie.

20.Rachel opens the door to Detective Thomas at Emily’s house pretending to be her and she kills him.

21.Rachel attacks Emily in the woods and when Emily escapes she tells her if she ever wants to see Katie again to meet her at the Barn/Studio.

22.Rachel waits for Emily at the Barn/Studio. When Emily enters she sees that Rachel has painted grotesque family paintings and signed them with Emily’s name. She and Emily fight and Rachel is killed in a fire that she instigated by setting lit candles all over the barn.

1. CHARACTER: EMILY

Profile:

Role: Protagonist – learns that her sister doesn’t want what she says she wants and she must defend herself and the ones she loves.

Core Character Traits: ambitious; creative; stubborn; hopeful; assertive

Want:/Need: Emily wants a loving relationship with her mother and sister, but what she needs is her independence and to move on.

Character Arc: Emily starts out wanting a loving relationship with her mother and sister but ends up realizing that the love she wants she already has with her husband and adopted child.

IMPROVED ITEM: changed optimistic to assertive because optimistic was too close to hopeful.

BEG: Emily returns from her run to find the movers to take her paintings to gallery for her show have not arrived. She learns that they think she called them to delay their coming. She is angry at who called them.

MIDDLE: Emily learns that Rachel is up to no good and that she and her mother were killed in a fire in Rachel’s house. This is impossible since Rachel is here.

END: Rachel dies in a fire reminiscent of the one she killed her mother and homeless woman in.

Story details/broad or detail:

ACT 1 –

1.Emily returns from her morning run to find that the movers are not there to take her paintings to the gallery for tonight’s show. She calls them and they tell her she called them not to come so early. She is angry and upset that the show might not go as planned if the paintings are late. Who would call the?

2.She enters her hallway and finds a “return to sender” letter from her sister. It upsets her even more. She considers the letter, then throws it in the trash. Eugene praises her for finally letting go of her sister.

3.Emily and Eugene go to the adoption agency to sign final papers for adopting a little girl, Katie, 8 years old.

4.Emily drops Eugene off at work.

5.Emily goes home and gets ready for the showing. While taking a path, accompanied by her dog, Ralphie (put him in the beginning in the run.) There is a scratching at the window. Ralphie becomes upset and takes off. Emily goes to get him, and he returns to the house with a wounded foot. She fixes it.

6. INCITING INCIDENT – Emily show is a big success. She’s enjoying the adulation when there is a ruckus at the door. It is her estranged sister, Rachel, carrying flowers from her mother and a card. She begs for Emily to consider reuniting as a family. Emily is tempted, but tells Rachel bad choice to come her during her gallery show. She is upset that Rachel embarrassed her in front of her buyers and made her look back with family problems.

7.Emily goes to teach art in her friend’s, Lynn, class. We meet Katie and see the close relationship she has with Emily. Rachel, spies on them. We do not see Rachel’s face, but suspect it is some pervert watching the kids at school. Set this up earlier perverts at school?

8.Emily goes to Dr. Goodman’s office. Goodman approached her at the show and told her he had something important to talk to her about. She arrives and he has been killed. Secretary doesn’t know why he wanted to see her. (clue here later of Rachel’s face not just the journal entry?)

9.Emily gets sick while playing with Ralphie. She goes to the doctor and finds out she is pregnant.

10. She shares the good news with Eugene.

11.Emily is at home when the doorbell rings. Rachel is there to find out Emily’s decision, reunite or not? She holds a “return to sender” letter she found on the ground by the trash bin. She profusely apologizes to Emily for all the hurt she must have caused over the years returning the letters. Ralphie is not happy to see Rachel. Emily tells her sister, let’s try. It’s Christmas season after all.

ACT 2A –

12.Emily shares with Rachel that she is pregnant. Joy! They go baby boutique shopping.

13.Emily and Rachel have a great time at the baby boutique.

14.Emily and Rachel prepare the baby celebration dinner. They are having fun when Rachel enters the utensil closet and finds Emily’s art certificate, she won 1^st place as a kid. She scratches it up and hides it behind some dishes.

15.Eugene gets home and Rachel leaves to let Emily and Eugene celebrate as a couple.

16. Emily and Eugene make love after dinner.

17.Emily and Eugene still lovey-dovey in the morning. Eugene discovers the scratched-out certificate. Starts to tell Emily and changes his mind. He asks who set the table. It was Rachel. He goes to work.

18.Emily stares at a blank canvas. Ralphie lays at her feet. While trying to paint, Emily gets the call about the gallery burning down. She throws down the brush and rushes out.

19.Emily arrives at the gallery and sees that her work is destroyed. She goes around collecting pieces that are still okay.

20.Emily tries to call Eugene; she drives by his office. She can’t find him.

21.Emily calls her buyers to find out if they want a replacement painting or a refund. She tires herself and goes to the Barn/Studio. She takes the pieces she collected and makes a baby mobile. Rachel arrives. Emily is grateful she is there. She tells her she will take her to lunch.

22.Emily freaks out at the restaurant when she believes that Eugene is having an affair. They have a big fight.

23.At home, Emily stares at the empty canvases. A picture of a baby is clipped to an easel. She drinks the tea Rachel brings her to comfort her. (SET UP poison tea earlier with Thompson)

24.Emily and Eugene have a big fight. He suspects Rachel is up to something bad. That she is trying to destroy their lives. She calls her mom.

MIDPOINT:

25.She finds out that mom and Rachel were killed in a fire at Rachel’s house. How can that be, Rachel is here?

26.Emily stares at the Christmas tree and ornaments they were decorating it with trying to figure out what to do. She races from the house.

27.She goes to Rachel’s hotel, but she is gone. The clerk tells her that Rachel talked about a place she visited as a kid.

28.Emily drives to the cabin in the woods.

29. Rachel is waiting for her. They have a big fight. Rachel thinks she’s killed Emily and leaves. The Winter Caretaker helps her out of the burning cabin.

30.Emily gets a call about Eugene’s accident. She didn’t get the call earlier she had shut off her phone.

31.Emily goes to the hospital and saves his life before Rachel can get to him again.

32.Emily asks Lynn to pick up Katie for her. (need a better reason she was going to pick her up – kid’s party – how did Katie get there in the first place.

32.Dr. Goodman’s secretary calls about a journal she found that talked about her. She picks it up.

33.Emily goes to Lynn’s and finds that Rachel kidnapped her and took her to Emily’s house.

ACT 3 –

34. Emily goes to the Foster Home to see if Katie is there. She isn’t.

35. Emily goes home and searches for Katie. She can’t find her. She sees the jacket on the floor. She chases Ralphie into the woods.

36. He digs up Thomas’ body. Rachel attacks. Emily gets away. Rachel tells her if she wants to see Katie alive, meet her in the Barn/studio.

37.Emily goes to her house and gets a weapon. Gets one from her car trunk.

38. She sneaks into the barn. Starts to release Katie but is attacked by Rachel. Candles are all over the place. While Rachel and Emily fight, Katie gets loose and escapes. The candles catch on fire during the fight and Emily can’t rescue

Rachel. She burns to death.

39.The fire fighters put out the fire. Detective Thomas is loaded onto the van.

40. Emily brings Eugene home. Doorbell rings while they are having supper. The adoption agency has brought Katie by.

She is welcomed with open arms.

41. Bye at mom’s and Rachel’s graveside.

List an improvement/separate and brainstorm:

6. INCITING INCIDENT: Emily is tempted, but tells Rachel bad choice to come her during her gallery show. She is upset that Rachel embarrassed her in front of her buyers and made her look back with family problems. In my earlier draft I had her more accepting right away.

Tell us what you improved: See above.

2. CHARACTER: EUGENE

Profile:

Role: supportive, loving husband to Emily

Core Character Traits: supportive; loyal: suspicious; tenacious.

Flaw: workaholic

World View: the world is a tough place, watch out or they will get you.

BEG: Eugene congratulates Emily for throwing the “return to sender” letter in the trash.

MIDDLE: Eugene argues with Emily that Rachel I up to no good.

END: Eugene recovers from his accident and returns home to Emily and Katie.

ACT 1 –

1. Eugene who says they said she called to delay the pick-up.

Emily finds a “return to sender” letter from Rachel. She decides tear it up. Eugene congratulates her.

2. Eugene and Emily go to the adoption agency to sign the finalized papers of their adoption of a little eight-year-old girl, Katie. Rachel spies unknown on them.

3.Emily gets sick while playing with Ralphie. Eugene tells her to go get it checked out and he goes back to work.

4.She goes to Eugene’s office, and they are thrilled.

5. Emily and Eugene make love.

6.Emily and Eugene are still lovey-dovey. He goes to the closet and finds the scratched-out art certificate. Starts to tell Emily about it and changes his mind. He goes to work. (maybe tries to check up on Rachel.)

7.Emily and Eugene continue the argument outside. Rachel rescues Emily and drives her away. Eugene sees his investor drive away.

8. Eugene sits at his desk staring at the wall. He tries to call the investor and finds out that her phone is disconnected.

9. Eugene finds Emily asleep in the barn. Eugene arrives and searches for Emily. He finds her asleep in the baby’s room.

10. Eugene and Emily have a big fight. He tells her that he believes Rachel is up to destroying their lives. She tells him he’s always suspicious and she’ll prove him wrong. She’ll call mom.

11.Eugene investigates and finds that the woman at the restaurant was found dead. (how can this be – he saw her leave)

12.Eugene’s car stalls. He gets it started and is driving down the freeway, and Rachel tries to kill him by getting his car into a crash.

13. Eugene in the hospital. Police investigate.

14. Emily brings Eugene home. Doorbell rings while they are having supper. The adoption agency has brought Katie by.

She is welcomed with open arms.

Story details/broad or detail:

List an improvement/separate and brainstorm:

Tell us what you improved:

4. CHARACTER: DETECTIVE THOMAS

Profile:

Character Five: Detective Thomas (5/4)

Role: find the truth of what happened at 1301 Friendly Lane.

Core Character Traits: curious; independent; argumentative; abrasive

Character Subtext Logline: He’s a dogged detective who won’t stop pursuing a case until he gets an answer, he knows is the truth.

Flaw: critical of others

Beg. – middle – end:

Beg: Detective Thomas investigates the burned house scene.

Middle: He learns the name of the other sister.

End: Thomas mistakes Rachel for Emily and she kills him and buries him in the woods.

Story details/broad or detail:

List an improvement/separate and brainstorm:

Added a scene with Thomas’ Captain.

Added that the tea cup Thomas found at the scene had poison in it. Homicide now, not just an accident.

Tell us what you improved: see above.

1. Detective Thomas investigates Rachel’s house. He is suspicious of it. The Fire Marshall says stuff like this happens every holiday season. Thomas doesn’t hear him. He is picking up clues a necklace and a partially burned album. He finds a tea cup on the floor beside Mom.

2.Thomas learns from the neighbor woman about Rachel and Mom and sister? He also learns that her security system got a recording of a car racing through the neighborhood right after she called the fire department about the fire. She points out Rachel’s Mercedes and tells her how much she loved that car.

3. Thomas learns from the coroner that the bodies are Rachel and her mom. He doesn’t believe her. She has an argument with him about how he always discounts her. Thomas learns from the coroner the mom was poisoned and the tea cup he found was the item used to poison the old lady.

4.Detective Thomas sorts through mom’s stuff at the rest home. He finds a picture of the girls as kids. Finds out Emily’s first name. (maybe an wedding announcement) Talks about how much they look alike.

5.Emily stares blankly at the empty canvases. A picture of a baby is clipped to the easel. Rachel brings her a cup of tea. (su earlier that mom was poisoned.) ( a Thomas scene) She tells Rachel she wants to be alone. NEED SCENE EARLIER – THOMAS

5A. Thomas is dogged. He is determined to finish this last case before he retires. His Captain, his dear friend tells him to follow his clues and talk with the other daughter. Finish this case. Captain calls him a stubborn old coot. Your last case, see it through. Then turn it over to the San Francisco police.

6.Detective Thomas arrives at Emily’s house. He is greeted by Rachel pretending to be Emily. She poisons him and pulls him from the house. (his clothing left behind – Ralphie smells it)

7.Ralphie digs up Thomas’ body.

IMPROVED ITEMS:

4A. Changed it to a scene where he is going through files at the police station after he learns the second daughters first name.

Added this scene:

5A. Thomas is dogged. He is determined to finish this last case before he retires. His Captain, his dear friend tells him to follow his clues and talk with the other daughter. Finish this case. Captain calls him a stubborn old coot. Your last case, see it through. Then turn it over to the San Francisco police.

4 CHARACTER: LYNN

Profile:

Role: Emily’s best friend

Core Character Traits: insightful; caring; tuned into how people feel; indirect

Flaw: not able to say no

Beg. – middle – end:

Story details/broad or detail:

List an improvement/separate and brainstorm:

Tell us what you improved:

1.Emily comes to her friend’s Lynn’s 3^rd graded classroom to teach art. We meet Katie and how much she and Emily get along. We get a glimpse of Katie’s personality – an eight, when she rescues another little girl from a bully. Rachels spies on her. We don’t see it is Rachel.

2.Lynn at the art gallery show.

4. Lynn joins Emily at the hospital.

5.Lynn goes to get Katie while Emily stays at the hospital with Eugene. The doctor tells her to get some rest. He’ll call her if anything comes up.

6. Emily goes to Lynn’s house and finds her dying and Katie kidnapped by Rachel. She tells her Rachel took Katie to her house.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Character Profiles – Lesson/Assignment 4 –

What I learned is really looking at each character and their role in the story made me select traits that serve the character and the story.

Logline: When an estranged sister arrives pretending wanting to make up, her unsuspecting sibling welcomes her with open arms only to discover her sister has evil intentions.

Character One: Rachel (1)

Role: Villain – out to get her younger sister for past “offenses”

Core Character Traits: revengeful; scheming; patient; critical; deceitful

Character Subtext Logline: Rachel is a deceptive older sister who is pretending to want a loving relationship with her younger foster sister.

Want:/Need: Rachel wants revenge for past hurts but needs to let go of childish hurts and old beliefs and move on with her life.

Secret: she’s pretending to want a relationship, but she wants to get Emily for past hurts by appealing to her need for love and family.

IMPROVED ITEM: Change patient to calm because I think it is more useful to develop her scheming side and make her more sincere.

Character Two: Emily (3)

Role: Protagonist – learns that her sister doesn’t want what she says she wants and she must defend herself and the ones she loves.

Core Character Traits: ambitious; creative; stubborn; hopeful; optimistic

Want:/Need: Emily wants a loving relationship with her mother and sister, but what she needs is her independence and to move on.

Character Arc: Emily starts out wanting a loving relationship with her mother and sister but ends up realizing that the love she wants she already has with her husband and adopted child.

IMPROVED ITEM: changed optimistic to assertive because optimistic was too close to hopeful.

Character Three: Eugene (6)

Role: supportive, loving husband to Emily

Core Character Traits: supportive; loyal: suspicious; tenacious;

Flaw: workaholic

World View: the world is a tough place, watch out or they will get you.

IMPROVED ITEM: liked what I had

Character Four: Lynn (2)

Role: Emily’s best friend

Core Character Traits: insightful; caring; tuned into how people feel; indirect

Flaw: not able to say no

Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Needing to feel loved, they always put others first and neglect their wants.

IMPROVED ITEM: like what I had

Character Five: Detective Thomas (5/4)

Role: find the truth of what happened at 1301 Friendly Lane.

Core Character Traits: curious; independent; argumentative; abrasive

Character Subtext Logline: He’s a dogged detective who won’t stop pursuing a case until he gets an answer he knows is the truth.

Flaw: critical of others

What makes this character unique? He doodles when he’s investigating a case.

IMPROVED ITEM: things are okay as is.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Readable thriller map –

What I learned was having done all that work clues, trust, etc., made writing the thriller map so the scene came alive.

MAKING MY THRILLER MAP READABLE – Lesson 14

OPENING –

INT. HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

A room decorated with a Christmas tree. A huge number of candles line the room looking like a necklace. A THIEF moves around the room, pulling out drawers and looking for items to steal. Finding a treasure, they stuff it into a backpack. Lying on the floor are two bodies. One by a recliner and another laying by the Christmas tree. Being satisfied there is no more loot, the robber lights the numerous candles and kicks them over instantly setting the room on fire. The fire creeps toward the dead bodies and they burst into flame. The thief escapes through the rear of the house.

EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT

A black Mercedes sits in front of the burning house. When the living room windows explode, a NEIGHBOR rushes from her house and immediately returns inside. A blue Chevy zips from the back of the burning house and roars down the street.

EXT. WOODS – BARN/ART STUDIO – DAY

EMILY PARSONS, 30’s, races through the woods. She emerges from a row of trees and heads toward the Barn/art Studio and quizzical look on her face. She rushes past the barn toward her house.

INT. GLASS HOUSE – DAY

Emily rushes into the hall and calls out to EUGENE, her husband. She asks him what’s happened to the movers? He tells her she called them to ask them to come later. Pissed, she grabs the hall phone knocking over the mail. It spills on the floor. She talks with the movers and bawls them out for not coming on time insisting she never called them. Putting the phone back onto its cradle, she notices the mail on the floor. Picking up the mail, she sees an envelope marked “return to sender.” She looks up at

Eugene, twists her face. He shrugs his shoulders. A determined look graces her face and she tears up the letter and throws it in the trash. A big smile kisses Eugene’s face as he tells her “good for you.”

INT. ADOPTION AGENCY – DAY

Emily and Eugene sit in front of the ADOPTION COUNSELOR, GRACE, 60’s, not believing what she is telling them. The adoption of a little girl, KATIE, 8, has been delayed. They’ve gotten information that Emily may be a drug addict. Infuriated, Eugene denies that and demands knowing where they got that false information. Grace informs him that it is a formality they must check out for the safety of Katie. She calms him by telling him she doesn’t believe the allegation. Emily is stunned into silence.

INCITING INCIDENT –

INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT

A successful and glamorous affair. Emily’s paintings are selling like hot cakes. She can hardly contain her joy. Circulating and enjoying all her patrons, Emily is distracted by a ruckus at the front door. The SECURITY GUARD is trying to keep an uninvited guest from entering. Emily goes to the door and sees her sister, RACHEL SIMMONS, late 30’s, at the door. She is the “return to sender,” letter person. She carries a bouquet of flowers and a card from their mother. Emily stares in disbelief, stunned for a moment, then tells the guard to let her in. The other Patrons watch, wondering what is going on. Emily tells everyone all is well. She looks at Rachel in disbelief. Rachel hands her the flowers and card and tells her mom sent these for you. They move into a private area and Emily asks what she is doing here. Rachel tells her that she and mom talk it over and realized what a fool Rachel has been to deny their relationship. She’d like to try to make-up if Emily is willing. Christmas together would be a great time to begin anew. Emily doesn’t know what to say. Rachel says this was a mistake. She gives her her phone number and tells Emily to let her know what she decides. She leaves.

INT. ROBBED HOUSE – DAY

DETECTIVE THOMAS, 50s, enters just as the CORONER is loading the bodies on gurneys. He notices the placement of the bodies and asks them to wait a second. He takes a picture of their locations. He looks at the body located by the Christmas tree. I’d like to take that locket. The Coroner says they don’t need it. They get these kinds of fires around Christmas all the time. Thomas nods his head as if agreeing with him.

Thomas removes the locket from the corpse’s neck. The Coroner loads up the two bodies. Exits. Thomas sees that under the fallen body is a partially burned photo album. Thomas looks around the room. He sees a teacup on the floor. Puts it in an evidence bag. He looks through the photo album. A woman with two young girls through childhood activities, some partial, a few fully visible.

EXT. ROBBED HOUSE – DAY

Thomas exits the house. A busy-body neighbor stands outside. She asks him what happened. He tells her he doesn’t know yet. She asks if they are all right. He shakes his head no. The neighbor becomes upset and said she called the fire department right away. She tells him the woman and her mother were such nice people. She never met the sister. Thomas takes notes. Thomas asks if she saw anyone around the house. Was it a robbery? We’ve had a lot in the neighborhood. She always thought it was so safe here, but things have gotten so bad. That is why she put in a security system that records everything outside her front door. She remembers she came out of the house when she heard car shriek around the corner. She didn’t see it. Thomas asks if he can check her security tapes.

PLOT POINT 1 –

EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY

Emily opens her front door. Staring at her is Rachel. She holds one of the “return to sender” letters in her hand. She tells Emily she found a bunch in a trash can. One had spilt out that she noticed when she walked by. She tells Emily that she is so sorry that over the last 10 years she has sent her letters back. She must have hurt her a lot. How foolish she’s been all these years not trying to make up. She hates to push Emily but if Emily has decided not to try reunion, it’s time for her to go home. Emily looks at Rachel holding the letter. She closes the door to the house and steps outside. She pulls matches from her pocket and leads Rachel to the letters. Puts them on fire. They women watch the letters burn.

INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT

RACHEL walks through the gallery sprinkling something onto the paintings. She stops in front of one of the paintings. Pulls it off the wall and takes it outside. Returns. She continues sprinkling the liquid around. Takes a match and lights the gallery on fire. The paintings go up in flames. She exits unharmed.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Rachel and Emily enter. Emily looks distraught. She and Rachel go to a table and get ready to order. Emily thanks Rachel for being there for her. She called Eugene, it seems a hundred times and he didn’t answer. She is so distraught over her paintings. Who could have done such a thing? She will have to redo the paintings or find a way to give back the money from clients. Suddenly, Rachel gets a strange look on her face as she points to someone at another table. Emily turns and looks. It is Eugene with a WOMAN, they are very friendly. Emily stands up, but Rachel pulls her down telling her to let it go. Emily shakes her head. She gets up again and marches over to Eugene’s table. So this is where you were and couldn’t answer your phone. I needed you. Eugene tries to introduce the woman, but Emily is so distraught that she starts yelling. The woman leaves and Eugene gets Emily to take this outside.

EXT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Emily and Eugene keep arguing. The woman drives by in her car. Freaked out at the incident. Eugene keeps trying to tell Emily she was an investor interested in his research, but Emily won’t believe him. She tells him she tried to call and tell him that the gallery was burned down, and all her paintings were ruined. He wasn’t there for her. He was with his whore. Rachel walks up and takes Emily to her car. Comforts her. Eugene calls the number of the investor, but it comes up that the number has been disconnected.

INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Eugene and Emily have a huge fight and she kicks him out when he tells her he suspects Rachel is up to no good. She tells him Rachel has been there for her all along. Where has he been?

MIDPOINT –

EXT. ZOO – DAY

Emily walks up to Thomas wanting to know why they are meeting at the zoo. He smiles and tells her it is a pleasant place. She shrugs asks what he wanted to see her about. He tells her that her mother and Rachel were killed in a fire in her home. Emily collapse into herself. How can that be she and Rachel have been visiting this whole week. Thomas tells her that explains it. They couldn’t id the second victim. Emily tells him she is going to find out what happened. He tells her to let him handle it. Where is she staying? Emily promises to let him handle it, lying to him. They part.

INT. HOTEL MONROE – DAY

A cheap joint. Emily is greeted by a weird CLERK who tells her that Rachel left with no forwarding address. But, just as Emily is leaving, he remembers her talking about a place she use to go to on vacation. Emily thanks him and races off.

EXT. CABIN IN THE WOODS RESORT – DAY

Rachel knew Emily would come here after the Clerk told her that she talked about this place a lot. She is lying in wait for Emily and intends to kill her. Emily enters the cabin frequented by the family on vacation and Rachel attacks her. They fight and many reveals are presented: Rachel believed mom loved Emily more than her because she was left sitting at her birthday table when Emily arrived in the family as a foster child; Emily used Rachel’s art work to enter a contest and won putting Emily on her art career which Rachel believed robbed her of hers. She knocks Emily out, lights the cabin on fire, and runs away. The CARETAKER finds Emily and rescues her. Emily goes after Rachel who escapes. On the way home she learns that Eugene has been in a car accident.

INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT

Eugene lays asleep in bed. Rachel stares at him ready to finish the job she tried earlier to kill him in a car crash, but she is interrupted by a NURSE. She exits intending to return later, but Emily arrives and stays there. New plans. She wants to finish the job of killing Emily, so she leaves with a new plan. The DOCTOR tells Emily to go home and get some rest.

INT. LYNN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Emily goes to Lynn for some comfort. She finds her dying on the floor and tells her that Rachel has kidnapped Katie. Go stop her, she’s gone to your house to get ???? Emily calls an ambulance, but when it gets there, it is too late.

EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Emily arrives. Checks the barn/art studio. It is all lit up. Candles are placed all over the place. When Emily enters, she sees canvases painted with grotesque figures that Rachel has done, but Katie is not in sight.

INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

She searches the house, no Katie. Distraught, she exits. Hears Katie cry out in the woods. She goes after the sound. Still no Katie. She finds a recording with Katie’s voice. Rachel attacks, but Emily gets away. A chase and Emily nears the barn/art studio and hers Katie cry out. She goes inside.

INT. BARN/ART STUDIO – NIGHT

All the candles are lit, and Katie is tied up. Emily runs to Katie and starts to untie her, but Rachel stops her. They fight. Katie finishes untying herself and Emily tells her to get out. Rachel and Emily continuing fighting. The fire raging around them. Emily runs toward the exit, but Rachel watches her and stands there. Emily tells her to come, but she insists on staying. Emily tries to get to her, but it’s no use.

EXT. BARN/ART STUDIO – NIGHT

She runs from the building, and she calls the fire department. She and Katie watch the building burn.

EXT. CEMETARY – DAY

Emily puts flowers on her mother’s and Rachel’s grave while Eugene and Katie watch. She says her goodbyes. And Eugene, Emily and Katie walk off hand in hand.

[Judith Watson]

Judith Misdirects when Appropriate

Lesson 13 – Thriller Class Day 13 – Misleading the Audience

My Red Herring character needs some more misdirects. Right now all I have is Rachel sets her up to look like she tried to sabotage Emily’s gallery show by calling the movers to come 2 hours later.

The Villain’s plan misdirects with the scene in the beginning where the two women are killed in the Fire. I’ve added that Rachel makes it look like the women were killed when someone tried to rob the house.

Rachel’s Mercedes is left in front of the house to look like she is at home.

Her neighbor now tells the Detective that Rachel and Her mom were looking forward to having Christmas with Emily all these years. And that her security system got a glimpse of a car speeding away from the house after it burst into fire.

The cover-up for the reality that Rachel is behind all this is that she shows up at Emily’s gallery show with flowers and a card from mom.

Also, later, Rachel shows up at the house wanting Emily to commit to renewing their relationship with a “return to sender” letter she fished out of the trash and apologizes to Emily for hurting her all these years.

[Judith Watson]

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is brainstorming helps come up with new ideas for cliché busting.

Judith’s Concept and Basic Structure Version 1

REUNION –

GENRE – thriller

Lesson 2 – Day 2: Structure

LOGLINE for REUNION: When an estranged sister arrives pretending wanting to make up, her unsuspecting sibling welcomes her with open arms only to discover her sister has evil intentions.

MAIN CONFLICT – Wanting to reunite her family, Emily won’t give up that someday, she and her sister can be a family once more. However, her sister, a revengeful and jealous person, cannot forgive Emily for some actions as children and she is bent on destroying Emily’s life taking over Emily’s successful art career and life.

OPENING – Emily returns from her morning run and discovers another “return to sender” letter in the mailbox. She stares at the letter, tears it up and throws it in the trash. Her husband, Eugene, says, “Good for you.” Eugene leaves for work. Emily opens the closet and we see that a whole box full of “return to sender” letters exist. OR start with a thief robbing and committing murder in a house. We are not sure the names of the people who are killed in the house until later.

INCITING INCIDENT – Emily is having a big success at her gallery show, selling many paintings when there is a ruckus at the front door. An uninvited guest is trying to get in. Emily checks what is going on and her estranged sister, Rachel, the “return to sender” letter sender has come uninvited to the show and wants to renew her relationship with Emily. She brings flowers from their mother and a card.

PLOT POINT 1 – Emily calls Rachel and says she is willing to try a reconciliation.

MIDPOINT – A detective meets with Emily and tells her that her mother and sister were killed in a fire in Rachel’s house. Emily is stunned and tells the Detective that is impossible. Rachel has been here the last week. She vows to confront Rachel and find out what is going on.

PLOT POINT 2 – After the attempted killing of Emily, Rachel kidnaps the little girl (Katie) who Emily is adopting to lure Emily to her so she can finish the job of killing Emily and take over her life.

CRISIS – Emily changes her goal of reconciliation and decides to rescue Katie no matter what the cost.

CLIMAX – Surrounded by fire, Rachel, and Emily fight. Emily manages to rescue Katie, but Rachel is killed in the fire.

RESOLUTION – Emily, along with Eugene and Katie watching, places flowers on her mother’s grave and Rachel’s.

PART 2 –

MAIN CONFLICT – Emily fighting for her life from her revengeful and jealous sister.

Changed plot point 1 –

The main purpose of plot point 1 is to show that Emily has been fooled by Rachel into believing that her intentions of reconciliation are honest and true.

OPENING – Emily returns from her morning run and discovers another “return to sender” letter in the mailbox. She stares at the letter, tears it up and throws it in the trash. Her husband, Eugene, says, “Good for you.” Eugene leaves for work. Emily opens the closet and we see that a whole box full of “return to sender” letters exist. OR start with a thief robbing and committing murder in a house. We are not sure the names of the people who are killed in the house until later.

INCITING INCIDENT – Emily is having a big success at her gallery show, selling many paintings when there is a ruckus at the door. An uninvited guest is trying to get in. Emily checks what is going on and her estranged sister, Rachel, the “return to sender”

letter sender has come uninvited to the show and wants to renew her relationship with Emily. She brings flowers from their mother and a card.

PLOT POINT 1 – Rachel arrives at Emily’s house holding a “return to sender” letter she found outside in the trash and apologizes for all the hurt she must have caused over the years. Emily succumbs and agrees to try a reconciliation.

MIDPOINT – A detective meets with Emily and tells her that her mother and sister were killed in a fire in Rachel’s house. Emily is stunned and tells the Detective that is impossible. Rachel has been here the last week. She vows to confront Rachel and find out what is going on.

PLOT POINT 2 – After the attempted killing of Emily, Rachel kidnaps the little girl (Katie) who Emily is adopting to lure Emily to her so she can finish the job of killing Emily and take over her life.

CRISIS – Emily changes her goal of reconciliation and decides to rescue Katie no matter what the cost.

CLIMAX – Surrounded by fire, Rachel, and Emily fight. Emily manages to rescue Katie, but Rachel is killed in the fire.

RESOLUTION – Emily, along with Eugene and Katie watching, places flowers on her mother’s grave and Rachels.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Judith Watson.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Logline and One Page

Lesson 1 – Professional Rewrite

What I’ve learned is to do the assignments without fussing about them and keep moving forward.

LOGLINE for REUNION: When an estranged sister arrives pretending union, her unsuspecting sibling welcomes her with open arms only to discover her sister has evil intentions.

ONE PAGE…

REUNION is a story about sibling rivalry. Rachel, the older sister of foster child, Emily, resented Emily from the day she arrived, on Rachel’s birthday. They had an on again, off again, relationship and after they became adults, parted ways.

Emily wanted to be sisters and wrote Rachel over the years asking for reconciliation. Emily’s only contact with their mom was over the phone and in the last year, not even that. Rachel moved her to a new nursing home and didn’t inform Emily where.

On the night of Emily’s art show at the Mason Gallery, Rachel shows up pretending to want to renew their relationship and become a family. She tells Emily she and mom talked it over and it is foolish to be apart and Christmas time is a good time to reunite.

Emily agrees even over the protests of her husband Eugene who doesn’t like Rachel from the moment he meets her. The sisters plan fun times together. Everything is going well. Emily even talks with mom over the phone for the first time in one year.

Then it happens, Detective Thomas shows up proclaiming that mom and Rachel were killed in a house fire. Emily is stunned and tells him how can that be she and Rachel have been planning Christmas together.

She tells the Detective where Rachel is staying, and he makes plans to contact her. However, Emily decides to confront Rachel, but she has disappeared. Figuring out where Rachel may hide, Emily goes there and is attacked and almost killed. On returning to town, Rachel, believing Emily dead, proceeds to carry out her plan of revenge by involving Eugene in a car accident to kill him, kidnapping Katie, the little girl Emily is adopting with the intent of killing her too.

Emily tracks down Katie. She goes to rescue her, but Rachel attacks and they fight. Katie escapes the barn/art studio fire before it is too late and so does Emily, however Rachel is burned in the fire that she starts, and Emily can’t get her out before it is too late.

[Judith Watson]

To start the class out, please introduce yourself below. That will give you a chance to be part of this group and learn how the forums work.

Tell us the following:

1. Name: Judith Watson

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 6; I like writing horror or thrillers.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? I hope to write a great script of which I can be proud. Also, I am looking forward to seeing everyones great ideas and working together.

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I love the Basenji dog. A barkless dog who sleeps in a circle like a cat.

We look forward to working with you all!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

I, Judith Watson agree to the release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Reveals

Lesson 11 – Creating Demands for Reveals

What I learned is I wish there was an example of what a thriller map looks like. I have a bunch of pieces, but don’t know how to put it together. I wish we could get help with questions we have in the lessons.

REVEAL – 1

Mystery – What is Rachel up to?

Reveal – Rachel plans to make Emily’s life miserable and then take over her life because she blames her for the failure of her art store and life.

REVEAL – 2

Intrigue – Why has Rachel shown up ten years of rejecting Emily by sending back her letters with a “return to sender” stamp.

Reveal – Rachel felt that her mother loved Emily, her foster child more than her. During Rachel 10^th birthday party and Emily arrived Rachel sat at the table alone while everyone welcomed Emily. there

REVEAL- 3

Intrigue – Rachel arrives at Emily gallery art show all smiles and with flowers. She causes a ruckus at the door for coming uninvited, but Emily welcomes her.

Reveal – Rachel’s intentions was to play on Emily’s feelings of wanting sisterhood with Rachel. What is Rachel up to after all these years?

REVEAL – 4

Mystery – A woman kills an elderly lady with poison tea. She drags a homeless woman’s body into the room lit with candles and causes the house on fire and leaves. Who is this woman?

Reveal – Rachel killed her mother and planted a body there to indicate that she died in the fire too.

REVEAL – 5

Intrigue – A weird hotel clerk first pretends he doesn’t know where Rachel went and as Emily is leaving, he gives her a hint.

Reveal – Rachel paid the Clerk off to make it look like the hint was accidental.

REVEAL – 6

Intrigue – Emily decides to welcome Rachel into her life and Rachel fools her by acting supportive and loving. For example, she hires a woman to pretend interest in investing in Eugene’s, Emily’s husband research project and then sets it up to make it look like he is having an affair.

Reveal – Rachel hired an actress to make it look like Eugene is having an affair.

REVEAL – 7

Suspense – will Emily pick up the clues and realize Rachel is up to no good before it is too late.

Reveal – Emily discovers a painting from the burned down gallery in Rachel’s car.

REVEAL – 8

Mystery – why is Rachel burning down the gallery housing Emily’s paintings.

Reveal – Rachel is jealous of Emily’s success because Emily stole Rachel’s painting as a kid, entered it in a contest, and won. Rachel should have won and been on her way to success. Mom didn’t believe that the painting was Rachel’s.

REVEAL – 9

Mystery – the Red Herring is killed after arguing with Emily about calling off the movers and Emily is accused of the murder.

Reveal – She didn’t call off the movers, Rachel did.

REVEAL – 10

Intrigue – Rachel calls the adoption agency and accuses Emily of being a drug addict.

Reveal – The agency puts off the adoption.

REVEAL – 11

Mystery – Are the two bodies Rachel and her mother. That is what the detective wants to find out.

Reveal – they can id the mother, but Rachel has no clues to her identity so they don’t know who the second body is.

REVEAL – 12

Intrigue – what will Emily do when the detective tells her Rachel was killed in the fire along with her mother?

Reveal – She tells the detective Rachel is alive and when the detective goes to the hotel to question her, the clerk tells him that Rachel left and didn’t tell him where she was going.

REVEAL -13

Mystery – Rachel kidnaps Katie, the little girl Emily is adopting. Will she kill her?

Reveal – Rachel kidnapped her to lure Emily to her and kill Emily.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Trust Relationships – Lesson 9 – Trust/mistrust

What I’ve learned is paying attention to trust and distrust in relationships helps me develop scenes that go from good to bad giving the audience a good ride.

Make a list of the main characters.

Hero – Emily

Villain – Rachel

Red Herring – Kaylee

Trusted, but shouldn’t be – Rachel

Isn’t trusted, but should be – Eugene; Kaylee

EMILY/RACHEL

DISTRUST – Rachel called the moving company that would take Emily’s paintings to the art show and delayed their arrival.

DISTRUST – Rachel has returned Emily’s let’s be sister’s letters for ten years.

DISTRUST – Rachel shows up uninvited to the art show and causes a ruckus

TRUST – Rachel brings flowers for Emily at the show and wants to become sisters if Emily is willing which plays on Emily’s long time wishes.

TRUST – Rachel waits patiently while Emily decides to reunite or not.

MISTRUST – Rachel kills Kaylee and blames it on Emily. She is arrested and later released on bail.

TRUST – Rachel sympathizes with Emily about how wrongly she has been accused.

MISTRUST – Rachel calls the adoption agency and tells them that Emily is a drug addict.

TRUST – Rachel supports Emily when she thinks Eugene is having an affair.

DISTRUST – Rachel hires and actress to pretend she wants to invest in his research to make it look like Eugene is having an affair.

TRUST – Rachel tells Emily a Detective wants to talk with her on a certain day at a certain place.

MISTRUST – When Emily gets to the meet, the Detective doesn’t show are you sure you got the place right.

TRUST – Emily sees the picture of the detective in the paper that he has been killed and Rachel sympathizes with her.

MISTRUST – Emily discovers one of her paintings from the burned down art show in Rachel’s trunk.

MISTRUST – Emily confronts Rachel about the paintings, and she tries to kill her.

MISTRUST – Emily escapes from Rachel and finds out that Eugene was in a car accident.

MISTRUST – At the hospital Emily learns that Rachel caused the accident.

MISTRUST – Rachel kills Emily’s best friend Lynn when she tries to prevent her from kidnapping Kathy, the little girl Emily is adopting.

EMILY/KAYLEE

MISTRUST – Emily thinks Kaylee called the art movers to come later.

MISTRUST – Emily goes to confront her, and they fight. The fight is overheard by a neighbor.

TRUST – Kaylee supports her at the art show, and they make up.

EMILY/EUGENE

TRUST – Emily lovers her husband and is looking forward to adopting a child with him.

TRUST – Emily feels loved and supported by him at the art show.

TRUST – Eugene sticks up for her and says she is not a drug addict to the adoption agency.

MISTRUST – Eugene meets with a potential investor in his research who is mistaken for an affair by Emily.

TRUST – Eugene becomes suspicious of the woman when she doesn’t return his calls.

TRUST – Eugene discovers that she was an actress hired to play on his need for money on his research.

MISTRUST – Emily is upset when Eugene tells her he suspects Rachel is here for no good and encourages Emily to call her mom and find out if Rachel is legit.

MISTRUST – Emily calls mom and finds out that she and her sister were killed in a house fire, but Rachel is here, how can that be?

TRUST – Emily trusts that Eugene is on her side now and will confront Rachel.

How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?

Emily and Rachel – gives Emily time to decide whether to make up or not

Stands by Emily see Eugene with another woman

Takes Emily to hospital loses her baby

Burns down the art gallery – steals one painting

Tries to kill her

Tries to kill Eugene

Kidnaps Kathy

Calls adoption agency and says Emily is a drug addict

What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?

With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.

Hero/Villain

Hero/Red Herring

Hero/Trusted but shouldn’t be:

Hero/Isn’t trusted, but should be:

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Twists and Turns…Lesson 9

What I learned is having developed the mystery, intrigue and suspense aspects of my script helped me discover the twists and turns.

Direction: Emily is on her morning run enjoying herself.

Twist: A car comes out of nowhere and almost runs her down.

Direction: Emily returns home expecting to find the movers to take her paintings to the art gallery for the show tonight.

Twist: When she finds them not there and calls them, they tell her that she phoned and told them to come later.

Direction: Emily receives a “return to sender” letter from her sister. She starts to put it on the pile of all the others in the closet.

Twist: She tears it up, throws it away and takes the others out into the trash.

Direction: The art show is a big success. Emily has sold many paintings and got much praise.

Twist: Her estranged sister shows up uninvited and causes a ruckus at the front door. Emily invites her into the show.

Direction: Emily and Eugene go to the adoption agency to sign the final papers to adopt 8-year-old Katie.

Twist: The social worker tells her that the adoption is on hold because she found out Emily is on drugs.

Direction: Rachel breaks into Eugene’s lab to steal his research.

Twist: She is driven away by the evening watch dog.

Direction: Rachel and Emily go to lunch.

Twist: Emily sees Eugene friendly with another woman and thinks he’s having an affair.

Twist: Emily confronts Eugene and accuses him of an affair in front of all the other patrons.

Direction: Eugene tries to convince Emily the woman is a business associate interested in funding his research.

Twist: She kicks him out of the house and calls Rachel for comfort.

Direction: A detective from LA calls Emily to talk with her and she agrees to meet him.

Twist: When she arrives at the meeting place, he is not there. She dials his phone and hears it ringing in the building. She goes in and sees the detective dead.

Direction: Eugene and Emily have a big fight. He accuses Rachel of up to no good. Emily calls her mom’s nursing home to talk with her.

Twist: She finds out her mother and Rachel were killed in a fire in Rachel’s house.

Direction: Emily finds Rachel and confronts her. They have a big fight.

Twist: Emily confesses that the art contest she won as a kid was with a painting that Rachel had done, and she did steal her painting. She apologizes but Rachel tries to kill her.

Direction: Rachel follows Eugene to work.

Twist: She runs him off the road and his car crashes.

Direction: Emily’s been cleared of drug charges and goes to pick up Katie at her best friend’s house after visiting Eugene in the hospital.

Twist: She gets to her friend’s house and Rachel has kidnapped the little girl.

Direction: Emily goes after Rachel believing she went to Emily’s house, but when she gets home…

Twist: All she finds is her barn/art studio filled with candles and a bunch of grotesque paintings of families.

Direction: Emily is drawn to a noise in the woods and goes to check it out. She finds Rachel, they tassel, but Emily gets away.

Twist: Rachel tells her if she wants to save Katie, she will have to go to the barn/art studio.

Direction: Emily returns to the barn. All the candles are lit and Katie is tied up. When Emily goes to untie Katie, Rachel attacks.

Twist: While Rachel and Emily fight, Katie gets lose and races from the barn. During the fight, candles are overturned and catch things on fire forcing Emily to flee, but Rachel stays behind, and Emily can’t save her.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Structure/Plot – Lesson 8

What I learned is thrillers have many parts that need to be developed to write a thriller that is exciting and thrilling.

Opening: The movers to take the paintings to the gallery show are late and claim that Emily called them to come later.

LIFE THREATENING SEQUENCE: Emily is almost run down by a car on her morning run.

MYSTERY 1: who called the movers to come late?

MYSTERY 2: was the car run down on purpose?

Catalyst: Emily’s estranged sister shows up at the art show wanting reconciliation.

LIFE THREATENING SEQUENCE:

Emily confronts her competitor for the art show about delaying the movers and they have a big fight.

MYSTERY 3: Is the competitor telling her the truth about the call?

MYSTERY 4: Who made the call to the movers?

Rachel kills the competing artist and blames it on Emily. She is arrested.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 1: Disrupt Emily’s Life.

Rachel secretly follows Emily and Eugene to the adoption agency.

MYSTERY 5: What is Rachel watching them for?

Turning Point 1: Emily calls Rachel and tells her, let’s be sisters again.

LIFE THREATENING SEQUENCE:

The adoption agency got an anonymous phone call that Emily is a drug addict.

Rachel broke into Eugene’s business and stole his research.

Rachel burns down the art gallery and destroys Emily paintings.

Rachel hires an actress to come onto Eugene, Emily’s husband, and Emily thinks he is having an affair.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 2: Make Emily feel she can’t trust Eugene and rely on Rachel instead.

MYSTERY 5: What is Rachel’s ultimate goal?

The detective investigating the fire at Rachel’s house contacts Emily and will meet with her.

Emily arrives but the detective is not there. She sees the next day in the paper that he is dead.

Emily calls the detective’s police station and finds out that…

Midpoint: Emily learns that her mother and sister were killed in a house fire, but her sister is here.

LIFE THREATENING SEQUENCE:

Emily finds one of her paintings from the art gallery in Rachel’s car.

Emily confronts Rachel about her mother’s and Rachel’s supposed death and Rachel tries to kill her.

MYSTERY 6: Why is Rachel so bent on destroying Emily and all she has?

Rachel tries to kill Emily’s husband.

Turning Point 2: Rachel kidnaps the child Emily is adopting.

Rachel kills Emily’s best friend when she tries to stop her from kidnapping Katie.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 3: Destroy all of Emily’s support, kill her, and take over her successful life.

Climax: Emily and Rachel fight and Rachel is killed in a fire when Emily can’t rescue her.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

“What I learned is that sequencing the dangers to the protagonist make your thriller more thrilling.

Judith’s Life-Threatening Sequence – Lesson 7

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

Villain’s plan is to make Emily’s life miserable and kill her and take over her life.

List of dangers in order:

1. Her sister fakes her death and kills their mother. We don’t see her face.

2. Their house catches on fire and the windows blow outwards.

3. Emily is almost run down by a car on her morning run.

4. The movers for her paintings arrive late and there is almost no time to set up for the gallery opening tonight, a fully booked affair.

5. Rachel shows up unannounced at Emily’s gallery show. Says she wants to make up.

6. Emily confronts her competitor artist for the gallery show, and they have a loud fight.

7. Rachel kills the artist that is jealous of Emily’s gallery show and blames it on Emily. She is arrested.

8. Adoption agency thinks she’s a drug addict. They got an anonymous phone call.

9. Someone broke into Eugene’s business and stole his research.

10. Her paintings get burned at the gallery and she lost all that money or must do paintings over for customers.

11. Rachel destroys Emily’s painting supplies in the barn/studio.

12. Her sister poisons her and Emily loses the baby.

13. Rachel arranges to make it look like Emily’s husband is having an affair.

14. Emily calls her mom’s nursing home and finds out she is dead in a fire along with Rachel.

15. Emily finds one of her paintings from the gallery in Rachel’s car and confronts her about it.

16. Rachel tries to kill Emily when she comes to confront her of supposedly being dead.

17. Rachel tries to kill Emily’s husband.

18. Rachel kills the detective who is going to tell Emily about her mother’s death and Rachel’s supposedly death.

19. Rachel kidnaps Katie the little girl Emily is adopting.

20. Rachel kills Emily’s best friend when she tries to keep her from kidnapping Katie.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Mystery Sequence

L6 -Homework

What I learned doing this lesson is creating mystery chains can make my thriller more exciting.

What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up? Rachel has come to Emily pretending to make up but in reality, she is here to make her life miserable, kill her and take over her life.

How many ways can they cover up that secret?

She brings her flowers to her art gallery show.

She pretends she and their mom want to start the unification by having Christmas together.

She pretends to support her when the red herring is accused of sabotaging her aret work.

She lies to her that she saw the Red Herring destroy her art supplies in the barn/art studio.

She kills the detective before he can tell Emily her mother is dead and so is Rachel.

She sets It up to look like Eugene is having an affair.

She calls the adoption agency and tells the woman Emily is a drug attack and she is not fit to be a mother.

She destroys Emily’s paintings at the art show by burning it down.

Emily finds out that her mom was killed in a fire and that Rachel was supposedly killed in a fire and she is not dead by here.

Emily goes to confront Rachel but she has disappeared. The clerk gives her a clue as to where she might have gone.

The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it. The first mystery is why Rachel showed up after all these years pretending to want unification.

The detective goes to investigate the fire at Rachel’s house. All think that Rachel and her mom are dead.

He contacts Emily to tell her about the tragedy. Rachel changes the location of the meet. Meets with him and kills him.

Emily calls his police department wanting to find out what the detective wanted to tell her.

She finds out that her mom and sister were killed in a fire, but Rachel is alive.

Sequence the mystery so they lead into the next one.

The movers are late in picking up the art to move to the gallery for the show.

Rachel shows up at the art show pretending reunification desire.

Emily accepts Rachel into her life to see if reunification will work. Christmas a good time to try.

Someone calls the adoption agency and tells them Emily is a drug addict. The adoption is delayed.

Emily’s paintings are destroyed in a fire at the gallery.

Emily sees her husband with another woman and thinks he is having an affair.

A detective calls Emily to talk to her. Prefers it in person.

He is killed.

Emily discovers that Rachel and her mom were both supposed to be killed in the house fire.

Emily goes to confront Rachel but she has disappeared.

The hotel clerk gives her a clue as to where Rachel went. Then pockets a $100 bill.

Emily follows up and she and Rachel have a big fight and Rachel tries to kill her.

Rachel tries to kill Emily’s husband.

Rachel kidnaps the little girl Emily is trying to adopt.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Villain Has a Plan!

L5 – Creating the Villain’s Plan

What I learned is to create the Villain’s plan you start from the end and brainstorm ways to incorporate the Villain’s goal, their devious ways, cover ups, and to make it all as intriguing as possible.

4 Questions to create the Villain’s Plan…

1. What is the end goal of the Villain, Rachel? Her end goal is to destroy Emily’s life, kill her and take over Emily’s life which she believes to be perfect.

2. How can Rachel accomplish that in a devious way? Rachel has rejected Emily over the last 10 years by refusing to see her and returning all letters from Emily seeking reconciliation by “return to sender” notes on the mail. One day Rachel presents herself at Emily’s gallery show, with a bouquet of flowers congratulating Emily, claiming to realize what a fool she has been and wants to connect and spend Christmas together with Emily, their mom and Emily’s husband.

3. How can she cover her plan up? Rachel swears she has been a fool and begs Emily for forgiveness. She is friendly, helpful, and loving, but all her pretense has an ulterior motive behind it of destroying Emily’s life and then killing her.

4. Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible. Start with the murder of Rachel and Emily’s mom which we see with a Detective checking it out and believing Rachel is dead too. Rachel shows up at Emily’s art gallery reception pretending “let’s be sisters.” She and Emily have good times together, talking about how excited mom is to reconnect, and all along Rachel is doing things to sabotage Emily’s marriage by making Emily believe Eugene is having an affair, by destroying Emily’s paintings, by doing strange things to Emily’s house and trying to help her figure out what is going on and trying to kill Eugene, kidnapping the child Emily is adopting, making Emily have a miscarriage.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Stacking Suspense Model

L-4 – Assign. 2

What I learned to help me write thrillers:

Fully developed heroes and villains create a good movie.

Clues are scattered throughout the film.

Flashbacks can successfully be used in thrillers.

Keeping the action and suspense going constantly helps the audience keep their interest.

Settings that are interesting make things scarier.

Having characters act covertly makes the movie scarier.

The parts of a thriller are becoming more clear to me.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Stacking Suspense (Basic Instinct) ASSIGNMENT 1

L4 – Stacking Suspense –

What I learned was Esterhaus really knew his characters. Also, much of the suspense created a curiosity in my mind because it seemed that suspense occurring right in the scene didn’t happen until later scenes. The early scenes hinted that what could happen.

The thriller conventions were there. The characters were interesting. My curiosity held throughout the movie wondering who was doing what and why.

There were life and death situations physically, emotionally, and mentally.

I think Nick wasn’t unwitting, but he was resourceful. And the villain was powerful and devious and unrelenting being Catherine and the red herring, Beth, kept me guessing until the end as to who was the true killer.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

What I learned doing this assignment is that mystery, intrigue, and suspense are the heart of thriller writing.

Judith’s World and Characters!

Judith’s Assignment 3, Lesson 3 of Thrillers

REUNION FROM HELL

1. M.I.G.

Big Mystery: Why are the sister’s estranged and why is Rachel trying to kill Emily? Big Intrigue: Will Rachel’s plan to fool Emily into thinking she wants reunification work while all along she plans to kill Emily? Big Suspense: Will Emily realize what Rachel is up to and stop her before it’s too late?

2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story…my intriguing world is sibling rivalry.

3. With your top 2 or 3 characters, tell us the role they play and then answer these three questions.

a. EMILY/PROTAGONIST – Emily has decided to go on with her life after her sister has disowned her. She’s been sending her sister letters for the last 10 years requesting they make up, but the letters have been returned with “return to sender” message on them. When Rachel shows up vowing reconciliation, Emily gives in, but after a while she learns that Rachel is not here to reconcilate but to destroy.

b. RACHEL/VILLAIN – Rachel has been jealous of her little sister all her life. She really isn’t a biological sister but adopted. She believes their mother loved Emily more than her. In addition, Rachel was always interested in art and tried to make a go of an art career but failed. On the other hand, Emily has succeeded and now is going to have her own gallery art show. In addition, Rachel blames her failure to succeed in art because when they were kids, Emily stole one of Rachel’s drawings, entered in a contest and won. Rachel has never forgave Emily for taking away that opportunity from her.

4. What is the MYSTERY for Emily’s character? Who is trying to kill Emily and why?

5. What is the SUSPENSE of Emily’s character? The suspense is whether Emily will wake up in time to save herself and her family from Rachel’s evil intentions.

6. What is the iNTRIGUE of Emily? Why does Emily keep Rachel’s return letters for over 10 years?

7. What is the MYSTERY for Rachel’s character? Why is Rachel trying to destroy Emily and what is her end goal?

8. What is the SUSPENSE for Rachael’s character? Will she succeed in fooling Emily and kill her, her family, and take over her life?

9. What is the INTRIGUE of Rachel? Rachel is a revengeful person who can’t let go of past hurts and blames others for her lack of success.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

JUDITH’S BIG M.I.S.

“What I learned doing this assignment is thinking Big Mystery, Big Intrigue, and Big Suspense can help me create a great thriller.

LOGLINE: A woman’s estranged sister arrives unexpectedly vowing unification, but she has other intentions.

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Emily, a budding artist. <div>

Dangerous Villain: Rachel, Emily’s estranged, revengeful sister.

High stakes: Emily welcomes Rachel into her life unaware that she intends to kill her and take over her life.

Life and death situations include: Pregnant Emily losing her baby when Rachel arranges an accident for her; Rachel arranging it so Emily thinks her husband, Eugene, is having an affair; Rachel trying to kill Eugene; Rachel killing Emily’s best friend; and Rachel kidnapping and threatening the life of the child Emily is adopting before she will kill Emily when she tries to rescue Kathy.

This story is thrilling because we worry if Rachel will get away with killing Emily and taking over her life.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: Why are the sister’s estranged and why is Rachel trying to kill Emily? </div>

Big Intrigue: Will Rachel’s plan to fool Emily into thinking she wants reunification work while all along she plans to kill Emily?

Big Suspense: Will Emily realize what Rachel is up to and stop her before it’s too late?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

UNLAWFUL ENTRY’s THRILLER CONVENTIONS

What I learned doing this assignment is the movie I decided to watch, “Unlawful Entry” had the thriller conventions. I’d seen this movie before and wasn’t sure they were there. However, watching this time and looking for the conventions, they were there!

JUDITH’S LESSON 1 – THRILLER CONVENTIONS

Unwitting but resourceful HERO: Michael Carr is a hardworking husband. When a thief breaks into his house two police officers answer the call. One becomes obsessed with Carr’s wife. At first, he makes friend with the officer even asking him to work as a security guard at his new adventure while off duty. However, he soon discovers that Officer Pete Davis wants him out of the way so he can be with Carr’s wife.

Dangerous Villain: Officer Pete Davis seems like a dedicated cop but he has a ruthless side to him. When becoming obsessed with Carr’s wife, he proceeds to destroy Carr’s life by taking away his credit card, threatening to kill him, and getting him jailed on false drug charges so he can move in on Carr’s wife.

High Stakes: Carr’s life, being threatened by a police officer, his wife being pursued, his business being destroyed, and losing everything in his life.

Life and Death Situations: Carr looking bad in front of potential business partners and losing all his money, his life being threatened by Davis, framed for drug possession and put in jail and having no bail money, his wife having to deal with a maniac cop and pretending she cares for him to survive, and finally confronting Davis at their home and having to kill him or be killed.

Big Mystery: Who is Officer Davis and what is he up to with Carr’s wife?

Big Intrigue: Police Officer Davis that is covertly up to something that turns out to be the destruction of Carr and the possession of his wife.

Big Suspense: Will Officer Davis eliminate Carr either by having him jailed for a long time or by killing him and force Carr’s wife to be his woman.

[Judith Watson]

Judith Watson

Live in California

I want to become more confident in my thriller writing.

I have two dogs a Basenji and a Corgi.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Below is the release form. You have one of two choices here:

AGREE, in which case, you Reply to this topic and include three things at the top of the page:

1. Judith Watson

2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Judith Watson]

LOGLINE: Marcus learns to apology.

ESSENCE: Marcus realizes his ways hurt his loved one deeply and it is ruining their relationship.

Judith’s relationship scene #26

INT. KITCHEN – DAY

CARLEY, 26, scrubs the kitchen sink enthusiastically. Music blares in the background in the large, well decorated room. She doesn’t notice when MARCUS, 28, her husband, enters the room.

He sneaks up behind her and pecks her on the cheek. She turns quickly and stares at him.

CARLEY

You scared me.

He backs off. She looks at him, frowns, and gets back to the sink cleaning. He shrugs. Disappears.

A little while later her returns.

MARCUS

What’s for dinner?

CARLEY

We’re going to the Carlton’s, honey, don’t you remember?

Disappointed.

MARCUS

Do we have to?

CARLEY

Yes, he’s my boss. Not many employees get invited to his house. It is a big deal.

MARCUS

Why aren’t you dressed?

She stares at him. Taps her feet.

MARCUS

What?

CARLEY

Guess I better call and let them know I’m not coming. Might as well look for a new job.

MARCUS

I’ll get dressed. I’ll help you clean the kitchen tomorrow.

A confused expression on his face.

MARCUS

And we’ll do something really fun tomorrow, I promise. Come on, chop, chop, let’s go.

CARLEY

What am I suppose to wear?

Amused.

MARCUS

Whatever.

CARLEY

He requested the black dress with the filigree.

Marcus spins around. Taps himself on his leg.

MARCUS

Fuck, I was suppose to pick it up.

CARLEY

Yes, and yesterday and the day before.

MARCUS

It slipped my mind. I’m sorry.

CARLEY

I counted on you. You promised.

MARCUS

You’re blowing this out of proportion. Wear a different dress. He probably doesn’t even remember he asked you. I’m sorry, but things got crazy at work.

CARLEY

I know you have a lot on your mind, but I thought I was important in your life. I don’t feel that way. It hurts when you promise over and over and don’t come through.

He moves toward her. His arms outstretched. She backs off.

MARCUS

I love you. I’d capture the moon and give it to you on a silver platter. I’d race around the world and bring every delicacy that exists back to you.

CARLEY

Yes, but you won’t remember to bring home the dress you promised to pick up three times. That hurts. It cuts a wound in our relationship.

Marcus looks at Carey for a long time. They stare at one another. He sighs. His arms drop to his side. Remorse on his face.

MARCUS

I am so sorry that I forgot to pick up your dress. I know how important this job is to you and I realize how frustrating and hurtful it is when I say I will do something and I don’t. I want you to be able to rely on me. I’ll make sure to do better.

Carly studies Marcus’ face. A look of relief.

CARLEY

Thank you.

She moves over to him, and they kiss.

[Judith Watson]

LOGLINE: when is protection not protection

ESSENCE: taking care of oneself seems to be the way of today

JUDITH’S QE CYCLE #5 SCENE DRAFT 1 93,523 round ideal

INT. MANSION – LIVING ROOM – DAY

BRANDY, dressed to the hilt, strolls into the room and finds PHILLIP. He jumps when she speaks to him. He turns toward her.

BRANDY

What’s up?

PHILLIP

You surprised me.

BRANDY

You called…

He holds up a five-carat diamond.

Brandy smiles. Sashays toward him. Puts her arm around him.

BRANDY

Yes, 5 carats, loose, I, VVS2, GIA Certified, $202,735. You think I was going to lose this house and move out of this neighborhood.

PHILLIP

Where did you get it? I appreciate you trying to save us, but Brandy, you stole this. I don’t think we should keep it.

BRANDY

You’re the one always saying the Jones’ and the Smiths’ have everything, why can’t we?

A ring at the front door blares through the house. Phillip and Brandy freeze.

BRANDY

Who do you think that is?

PHILLIP

I’ll check.

INT. MANSION – ENTRY WAY – DAY

Phillip opens the door to face two policemen, OFFICER GARCIA and OFFICER JOHNSON. They flash their badges. Phillip acts casual.

PHILLIP

Officers, may I help you?

OFFICER GARCIA

Can we come in?

PHILLIP

Of course.

As Garcia and Johnson enter Brandy parades into the entry way a very warm smile kissing her face.

BRANDY

I’m Brandy. This is my husband Phillip. Sorry he forgot to introduce himself. Is there a problem?

GARCIA

We got a report that someone in this house stole a diamond from RENE’S JEWELERS.

BRANDY

You don’t think it was Phillip.

GARCIA

We don’t know madam.

She laughs.

BRANDY

Calling me madam. Silly. Brandy, I’m Brandy…follow me officers, you can look anywhere you want, Phillip is innocent. Actually, look around, you think we need to steal.

Taken with Brandy. Johnson steps up.

JOHNSON

Just doing our job. Rene’s called.

She motions the officer to follow her into the living room.

INT. MANSION – LIVING ROOM – DAY

As Brandy enters the room she twirls around.

BRANDY

Search anywhere, officers.

They look at one another, shrug.

Garcia pulls open drawers. Empties their contents. Finds nothing.

Johnson checks behind the bars. He looks behind glasses and bottles of booze, nothing.

GARCIA

Next room.

BRANDY

What’s your pleasure?

JOHNSON

The bedroom.

BRANDY

We have five. Which one do you want to start in?

JOHNSON

The master.

BRANDY

Good choice.

INT. MANSION – MASTER BEDROOM – DAY

Huge. The officers stop in their tracks. Look at each other.

GARCIA

Okay…

He pulls out drawers. Empties them on the ground.

GARCIA

Sorry.

PHILLIP

No, sweat, officers.

Johnson, pulls items off the shelf in the closet. He pulls aside clothing, checks the shoes. Nothing. After checking the huge room, the officers appear worn.

PHILLIP

May I get you two a glass of water?

Johnson sits on the bed. Marvels at the excellent bed. He pushes he arms around enjoying it all when a surprise crosses his face. He pulls the diamond out from under a pillow.

Holds it up in the air.

PHILLIP

Good job.

He turns turn Brandy who rushes toward him. Beats on his chest. The officers approach. Phillip shakes his head. He grabs Brandy’s arms and holds them still.

BRANDY

You creep. I did this for us. To keep what we have.

PHILLIP

I couldn’t take it anymore. I knew you were stealing and paying off bills. When Rene’s called, I couldn’t cover for you anymore. That’s were all the money went. Paying off your misconceived way to save the house.

He pushes her away. Shrugs.

Garcia pulls out his handcuffs and puts them on Brandy.

GARCIA

You have the right…

THE END.

[Judith Watson]

INT. RESTAURANT RESTROOM – DAY

Rachel talks to a beautiful woman, LESLIE, 20s. She takes one breath away. Leslie nods as Rachel gives her instructions.

RACHEL

She’s got to believe you are having an affair.

LESLIE

I guarantee an Academy Award performance.

RACHEL

You’re on.

INT. RESTAURANT – LATER

Bustling with business. Emily enters. The HOSTESS,20’s, smiles at her. Approaches.

EMILY

I’m looking for my sister. Dark hair, my height, pretty.

She looks around. Spots Rachel with a big smile on her face. She motions for Emily.

Greeting each other with a big hug Emily sits. Wiggles into her chair getting comfortable. A big sigh.

EMILY

Thanks, I needed this. Called Eugene, he wasn’t available. Doesn’t even know about the fire.

RACHEL

You poor thing. Losing all those paintings.

EMILY

You being here has been a blessing to me.

Rachel smiles.

RACHEL

It was time I realize that now.

The WAITRESS,20’s, approaches.

RACHEL

We’d like two glasses of wine.

She looks at Emily who shakes her head.

RACHEL

Not for me.

The women are looking at the menus when a loud crash interrupts the. They both jump. Look at one another and laugh.

RACHEL

Oops…

The waitress returns with iced glasses of water and a glass of wine for Rachel.

WAITRESS

Decided?

EMILY

I’ll have a burger and fries.

RACHEL

Sounds good. Me too.

Emily emits another sigh.

EMILY

Guess I really needed to get out.

Rachel reaches over and gently pats Emily’s hand. She raises her glass to Emily and drinks.

RACHEL

To my sister.

Emily sits water.

Looking around at the diners, Rachel suddenly gets a concerned look. She points her mouth aghast.

EMILY

What’s wrong?

RACHEL

I think I know why Eugene didn’t answer your call.

EMILY

What?

Rachel points to Eugene sitting with Leslie. She is laying on the charm. They look like a loving couple.

Emily looks around. Sees the loving couple. Her eyebrows lift and a quick second of her breathing is suspended.

Shaking her head, Emily stares.

EMILY

It can’t be.

She sits there. Staring. A slow disbelieving head shake. She rises…

RACHEL

Emily don’t.

She sits back down. Her anger growing.

EMILY

How could he do this to me?

Getting up from her chair, Rachel tries to pull her down, but Emily marches over to Eugene and the woman. The woman pulls her hand from his.

EMILY

Enjoying your lunch?

EUGENE

Em…Em…what are you doing here?

He’s all friendly toward her.

EMILY

Me…What are you doing?

EUGENE

This is Leslie Robbins. She’s with Management Investments. They’re interested in funding my project.

EMILY

Funding is it. I saw you holding hands.

LESLIE

We were just closing the deal.

EMILY

Fuck you.

Eugene hands Emily Leslie’s card. Emily reads it then throws it down on the floor.

LESLIE

Look, you two work this out.

She gets up from the table and heads to the restroom. Gene stares after her, defeated. He throws up his hands.

EUGENE

There goes a million bucks.

Emily’s anger gets louder and louder. The PATRONS try to ignore her and continue eating.

EMILY

Eugene…

INT. RESTAURANT RESTROOM – DAY

Leslie washes her hands. She wipes them and is about to enter a stall when Rachel approaches her. She takes an envelope from her purse and hands it to Leslie.

RACHEL

And the oscar goes to…Loved the hand touching. It sealed the deal.

LESLIE

If you ever need my services again, just let me know.

Leslie disappears into a stall.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Rachel exits the restroom.

Eugene is pleading with Emily to leave. He grabs her arm and she pulls away.

Rachel stares at them as do the other patrons. She exits.

EUGENE

Emily, let’s take this outside.

She won’t budge, so he turns and leaves. She follows him.

EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Eugene waits for Emily. She approaches him, tears in her eyes.

He tries to comfort her, but Emily pulls away. He looks around.

EUGENE

How did you get here?

EMILY

I called you. I needed to tell you something really important. And where were you? Here with that…that…

She moves down the street to Rachel’s car and stops. Gene follows her.

Gene recognizes the car.

EUGENE

Rachel brought you. Where is she?

RACHEL

Right behind you, asshole.

He points at her.

EUGENE

You did this.

RACHEL

You are disgusting. Let’s go Emily.

Emily gets in the car. She and Rachel drive away.

Eugene watches after them. Some patrons have exited the restuarant and give him an accusatory look. He pulls the Leslies’ business card from his wallet. Dials his cell phone. A message says, “This is not a working number.”

EUGENE

What’s going on here?

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s reveals…

What I learned doing this assignment is I’m having fun. And I appreciate all the good feedback I’ve gotten.

Logline: Estranged sisters start their path to reuniting their relationship.

INT. BLUE CHEVY – NIGHT

RACHEL, 36, drives in silence. Her face is puffy and smeared with mascara. She drives slowly.

Turning into a mini-mall she pulls the car in front of an art store whose windows read, “closed forever.”

EXT. MINI-MALL – NIGHT

Exiting the car, Rachel walks slowly to the front of the store and stops. With an empty stare it seems as if she is looking through the building. Her arms hang at her sides, slack.

After a while, she turns and gets back into her Chevy. Drives off.

EXT. BLUE CHEVY – NIGHT

She speeds along route 33 north passing a sign reading San Francisco, 472 miles.

EXT. HOUSE IN WOODS – DAY

Racing toward the house, sweat pouring down her face, Emily, 32, stops at the front door. She looks in the mail box. Pulls out a single letter without looking at it.

INT. HOUSE IN WOODS – DAY

As Emily enters the house, her husband, EUGENE, 32, greets her with a kiss.

EUGENE

What was in the mail?

Emily looks at the letter and sadness caresses her face.

Eugene immediately knows what’s wrong and moves closer to Emily. She holds up a letter reading, “return to sender.”

EMILY

I don’t know.

She walks past Eugene, stops and turns. The expression on her face is gone. Eugene watches her with a look of love.

EMILY

What am I doing? How many does this make? How many years?

She moves to a wastebasket and throws the letter in it. Eugene almost jumps for joy.

EMILY

I’m through wanting the impossible. I have you, we are going to have Katie, my life’s great. What do I need this shit for?

Eugene says nothing as he watches Emily move to the closet and pull out a box full of “return to sender,” letters.

EUGENE

Can I help you with that?

She nods yes. They move out the front door with the box.

EXT. HOUSE IN WOODS – DAY

Emily spills the letters into a trash can. She disappears for a moment into a barn-like structure, returns with fuel and matches. She sprinkles the letters with the flammable liquid and lights it on fire.

It bursts into flame like a dried-out forest fire. The smoke rises. Eugene moves over to Emily and places his arm around her.

EUGENE

I’m really proud of you.

They move into the house arm in arm.

INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT

A formal affair full of portraits of families. PATRONS buy and as Emily watches her work being sold, her happiness is hard to contain.

A RAUCOUS at the front door. She turns toward the noise and watches a GUARD hold up his hand to keep an uninvited guest from entering.

GUARD

Sorry, Lady, no invitation, no enter.

As he steps aside, we see Rachel is the trouble maker. She peeks around him. Spots Emily. A big smile. Emily sees her, confused, astonished, she moves to the door.

EMILY

Let her in.

Rachel moves up the gallery steps. Puts out her arms for a hug. Emily stares for a moment. Backs up a bit.

RACHEL

Not gonna give your sister a hug?

EMILY

What are you doing here?

RACHEL

I read about show in art magazine. I told mom about it. We had a long talk. I saw how miserable she is that we are not together and I decided it was time.

EMILY

Time? You’ve been sending me “return to sender” letters for ten years.

Calmly, almost begging.

RACHEL

Yes, and I’m sorry for that. Finally, mom and I talked. We never discussed our break. I guess she was afraid to bring it up. But she wants us to be a family. And I realized what a fool I’ve been. I really want the same thing, we, together, a family.

Eugene moves up to Emily. Places his arm around her. Waits.

Silence…

Emily stares at Rachel. The patrons stare at the situation. A sigh. Emily rushes to Rachel and gives her a big hug.

EMILY

Of course I’ll try. I’ve always wanted this.

Eugene stares, not believing what he’s seeing and shakes his head. Emily turns toward him.

EMILY

Rachel, I’d like you to meet my fantastic husband, Eugene.

[Judith Watson]

Judith Watson’s Character Relationships

What I learned was that playing with different traits for each character and adjusting for dramatic relationships gives their relationships more interactions throughout the script. It’s quite challenging to be able to develop good relationships and working with what I did today is a good start, and I found it fun. I found that some of the traits I could use for dramatic relationships didn’t work for the other dramatic relationships issues.

Emily’s beginning traits: creative; gullible; courageous; competitive

Emily’s adjusted traits: creative; gullible; over accommodating; courageous; sensitive to criticism

Eugene’s beginning traits: driven; intelligent; committed; stubborn

Eugene’s adjusted traits: driven; confident; suspicious; stubborn

Rachel’s beginning traits and adjusted traits are the same: judgmental; devious; concealing; bold

Lynn’s beginning traits and adjusted traits are the same: observant; distrustful; morally good; tuned into how people feel

However, I am considering changing her morally good trait.

What I came up with for the relationships. I just did Emily and all the other three characters for the assignment: rapport; conflict; contrast; competition; and ST.

RAPPORT –

EMILY/EUGENE

Creative/intelligent

Eugene sees how much her art means to her and supports her in it.

EMILY/RACHEL –

Creative/concealing

At first Rachel pretends she likes Emily’s work even when she has intense jealousy.

EMILY/LYNN

Sensitive to criticism/caring

When Emily shares with Lynn that Rachel put down her artwork, Lynn being a good friend tells her that Rachel’s opinion stinks.

CONFLICT –

EMILY/EUGENE

Gullible/intelligent

Eugene tries to help Emily see that Rachel is up to no good ad Emily doesn’t see through her deviousness.

EMILY/RACHEL –

Competitive/judgmental

Rachel puts down Emily’s paintings at the gallery show.

EMILY/LYNN –

Gullible/distrustful

Emily balks at Lynn’s not trusting Rachel showing up unexpectedly and uninvited to the art gallery show.

CONTRAST (DIFFER STRIKINGLY)

EMILY/EUGENE

Emily believes her sister’s desire is to reunite and won’t believe Eugene that she has ulterior motivies.

EMILY/RACHEL

Overly accommodating/devious

In an effort to reunited with Rachel, Emily screws herself while believe Rachel’s vow to reunite is legitimate.

EMILY/LYNN

Gullible/distrustful

Emily won’t believe Lynn when she tells her that Rachel is not truthful.

COMPETITION –

EMILY/EUGENE

Over accommodating/driven

Emily and Eugene are competitive in that Emily wants to more attention from Eugene and he is overzealous working in his research job.

EMILY/RACHEL

Creative/judgmental

Rachel puts Emily’s success and artwork down because she wants to same thing.

EMILY/LYNN

Over accommodating/caring

Lynn competes with Emily to be the nicest person.

SUBTEXT

EMILY/EUGENE

Over accommodating/suspicious

Eugene can be suspicious of Rachel but not wanting to upset Emily he could support her I being overly accommodating to Rachel.

EMILY/RACHEL

Accommodating/concealing

There is definitely times when Rachel and Emily are relating that Rachel is concealing the truth.

EMILY/LYNN

Over accommodating/caring

Lynn could be caring to Emily when they are discussing over accommodating Rachel but in reality the subtext is saying Lynn does not tolerate Rachel.

[Judith Watson]

JUDITH’S REWRITE OF SCENE LESSON 17

ESSENCE: An opportunity to receive a promotion presents itself.

LOGLINE: A woman helps out another woman at work.

CHANGED OUTGOING TO IMPATIENT

INT. OFFICE BUILDING – WOMAN’S RESTROOM – DAY

The door flies open. MAXINE,27, rushes into the room. Her hair is disheveled. A panic look on her face. Her mascara smeared on her cheeks.

She looks in the mirror. Shakes her head and hides in a stall.

RENEE,25, enters. Well kept and looking great, she moves to the mirror. Combs her hair and makes sure every strand is in place. Checks her clothing. Sighs, likes what she sees.

Turning to leave she hears a whimper. She looks about. Listens. There it goes again.

RENEE

Hello…Someone in here?

Silence.

Looking under the stalls…

RENEE

I see your feet. You need help?

The door opens slowly. Maxine peaks out. Renee steps back. Turns, almost laughs. She smooths down her clothing and turns toward Maxine.

Maxine steps out of the stall a pleading look on her face.

RENEE

What happened to you?

MAXINE

You’re not going to tell anyone?

RENEE

Tell them what?

MAXINE

About this?

She moves her hands in front of her body.

RENEE

What is this? Out with it. If you don’t want to be found, out with it.

Maxine stares at Renee.

MAXINE

I know we haven’t been friends…

RENEE

Whose fault is that?

Maxine looks down at her feet, avoiding eye contact.

MAXINE

Can I trust you?

RENEE

Quit pissing around. I don’t have all day.

Renee moves to the door.

MAXINE

Don’t leave. I need your help.

RENEE

I’m going to lock the door. You don’t want anyone else in here, do you?

Turning away to latch the lock, Renee secretly pulls out her iphone. She pushes a button to record. Turns back to Maxine, smiles. Walks calmly toward her.

Maxine watches her calmly move toward her. She relaxes and smiles back.

MAXINE

Thank you. Can you keep a secret?

RENEE

First, let’s get you cleaned up.

She pulls mascara and a brush from her purse. Maxine washes her face. Dries it with a paper towel. Looks at Renee ever thankful.

She applies the mascara. Brushes her hair.

RENEE

Good, you look presentable. Now are you going to tell me what’s wrong?

Maxine hesitates.

RENEE

Out with it or I will leave.

MAXINE

Okay…Can you keep a secret?

RENEE

I thought that’s what we’re talking about.

Maxine paces back and forth. Renee looks in the mirror. Smiles at herself.

RENEE

Out with it or I am leaving…

MAXINE

Okay. I had a accident.

RENEE

Big deal.

Maxine bits her lower lip. Sighs.

MAXINE

A hit and run.

Renee’s eyes grow big. She nods at Maxine. Waves her to go on.

Maxine fans herself. Renee stares at her.

RENEE

Out with it.

MAXINE

Okay, I hit a teenager on a bike and I took off.

Pleading eyes stare at Renee. She moves over and hugs Maxine. Her look pure pleasure.

RENEE

Okay, where’s your car?

MAXINE

I left it in a parking lot at Rubios cafe. I panicked. I didn’t mean to leave him there. I was just so scared. I don’t know what to do.

RENEE

I’ll handle it. You go out and go to work. I’ll make an excuse, say I’m sick. I need to go home.

MAXINE

You’d do that for me after how I’ve treated you?

RENEE

We’re all human. No go to work.

Maxine leaves. Renee watches her leave. She rubs her hands together. Pure joy on her face. She shuts off her iphone recording.

EXT. POLICE STATION – DAY

A dent-up car pulls to the front of the building. Renee steps out. She walks up to the door, whistling.

[Judith Watson]

JUDITH’S REWRITE OF SCENE LESSON 17

ESSENCE: An opportunity to receive a promotion presents itself.

LOGLINE: A woman helps out another woman at work.

CHANGED OUTGOING TO IMPATIENT

INT. OFFICE BUILDING – WOMAN’S RESTROOM – DAY

The door flies open. MAXINE,27, rushes into the room. Her hair is disheveled. A panic look on her face. Her mascara smeared on her cheeks.

She looks in the mirror. Shakes her head and hides in a stall.

RENEE,25, enters. Well kept and looking great, she moves to the mirror. Combs her hair and makes sure every strand is in place. Checks her clothing. Sighs, likes what she sees.

Turning to leave she hears a whimper. She looks about. Listens. There it goes again.

RENEE

Hello…Someone in here?

Silence.

Looking under the stalls…

RENEE

I see your feet. You need help?

The door opens slowly. Maxine peaks out. Renee steps back. Turns, almost laughs. She smooths down her clothing and turns toward Maxine.

Maxine steps out of the stall a pleading look on her face.

RENEE

What happened to you?

MAXINE

You’re not going to tell anyone?

RENEE

Tell them what?

MAXINE

About this?

She moves her hands in front of her body.

RENEE

What is this? Out with it. If you don’t want to be found, out with it.

Maxine stares at Renee.

MAXINE

I know we haven’t been friends…

RENEE

Whose fault is that?

Maxine looks down at her feet, avoiding eye contact.

MAXINE

Can I trust you?

RENEE

Quit pissing around. I don’t have all day.

Renee moves to the door.

MAXINE

Don’t leave. I need your help.

RENEE

I’m going to lock the door. You don’t want anyone else in here, do you?

Turning away to latch the lock, Renee secretly pulls out her iphone. She pushes a button to record. Turns back to Maxine, smiles. Walks calmly toward her.

Maxine watches her calmly move toward her. She relaxes and smiles back.

MAXINE

Thank you. Can you keep a secret?

RENEE

First, let’s get you cleaned up.

She pulls mascara and a brush from her purse. Maxine washes her face. Dries it with a paper towel. Looks at Renee ever thankful.

She applies the mascara. Brushes her hair.

RENEE

Good, you look presentable. Now are you going to tell me what’s wrong?

Maxine hesitates.

RENEE

Out with it or I will leave.

MAXINE

Okay…Can you keep a secret?

RENEE

I thought that’s what we’re talking about.

Maxine paces back and forth. Renee looks in the mirror. Smiles at herself.

RENEE

Out with it or I am leaving…

MAXINE

Okay. I had a accident.

RENEE

Big deal.

Maxine bits her lower lip. Sighs.

MAXINE

A hit and run.

Renee’s eyes grow big. She nods at Maxine. Waves her to go on.

Maxine fans herself. Renee stares at her.

RENEE

Out with it.

MAXINE

Okay, I hit a teenager on a bike and I took off.

Pleading eyes stare at Renee. She moves over and hugs Maxine. Her look pure pleasure.

RENEE

Okay, where’s your car?

MAXINE

I left it in a parking lot at Rubios cafe. I panicked. I didn’t mean to leave him there. I was just so scared. I don’t know what to do.

RENEE

I’ll handle it. You go out and go to work. I’ll make an excuse, say I’m sick. I need to go home.

MAXINE

You’d do that for me after how I’ve treated you?

RENEE

We’re all human. No go to work.

Maxine leaves. Renee watches her leave. She rubs her hands together. Pure joy on her face. She shuts off her iphone recording.

EXT. POLICE STATION – DAY

A dent-up car pulls to the front of the building. Renee steps out. She walks up to the door, whistling.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s QE3 – scene – rewrite

Logline: Murder isn’t what it use to be.

ESSENCE:TWO KILLERS LEARN TO WORK TOGETHER

What I learned doing this assignment was having traits and interest techniques to use help make a better scene.

EXT. CLEARING IN A WOODSY AREA – DAY

SQUIRE, 40’s, stands with a two shovels, waiting. He whistles a tune as he watches a SUV approach. He doesn’t move, just waits, whistling.

The SUV gets closer. Stops. The person inside doesn’t move.

INT. SUV – DAY

NANCY, 30’s, stares at the whistling man. An angry expression crosses her face then she gets her composure. She takes a gun from the glove compartment. Gets out of the car tucking the weapon in her belt.

EXT. CLEARING IN A WOODSY AREA – DAY

She strolls toward Squire, stops in front of him. Looking him over, she fingers her gun and decides to hold back.

NANCY

Where the fuck is Charlie?

Shrugging his shoulders, Squire smiles at her.

SQUIRE

(friendly)

I’m Squire and you are?

NANCY

Where’s Charlie?

SQUIRE

They sent me. I was expecting that ugly gal, Louise, but wow, they sent me you. What a treat.

Nancy turns and heads toward the SUV. She pulls open the trunk. Squire catches up with her. He looks inside.

NANCY

Are you gonna help me or not?

He grabs the legs of a body wrapped in plastic and helps Nancy pull out the body. It crashes to the ground with a thud. They drag the body to the two waiting shovels.

Squire removes his jacket and grabs a shovel. Nancy stands there. He indicates to her to pick up the shovel.

NANCY

I don’t dig. I delivered and now I watch.

Digging in the ground Squire starts his whistling again.

SQUIRE

Have it your way. Both of us digging means I can take you to dinner sooner.

She watches him. A rustle in the trees.

NANCY

What was that?

He looks up. Smiles.

SQUIRE

Didn’t worry your pretty little head about it.

NANCY

Fuck you.

She moves over to the trees. Squire shakes his head and keeps digging.

INT. WOODS – DAY

Pulling her pistol Nancy cautiously enters. She moves into the dark woods. Ever alert and ready for anything.

She freezes when she hears a branch snap. Watches a deer scurry off. A look of relief.

Moving further into the trees, Nancy creeps to the area where the deer stood. Nothing. Even further into the trees, she peaks behind a tree. No one.

EXT. CLEARING IN A WOODSY AREA – DAY

When Nancy returns, the hole is deep now. Sweat pours from Squire’s brow. He smiles at her.

NANCY

Just a deer.

She looks at him. Smiles. Pulls out a hanky and moves to wipe his forehead.

NANCY

I’ll buy you dinner.

Squire lifts the body and Nancy helps. They throw it into the hole. As it plops down in the bottom, dust rises and fills the air.

Nancy picks up a shovel and throws the dirt onto the body. Squire admires her. Joins into the shoveling.

NANCY

I fill not dig.

They smile at one another. All’s well until a MAN and a WOMAN come screaming from the woods, guns drawn. They fire at Nancy and Squire hitting them in the chest. The couple crumble to the ground.

Squire looks at the woman and Nancy looks at the man. Confused.

SQUIRE/NANCY

Louise…Charlie…

Charlie and Louise roll Squire and Nancy into the grave. They shovel dirt onto to them. When the hole is filled, they high-five one another.

CHARLIE

What are we gonna tell the boss.

LOUSE

They never showed.

They head toward Nancy’s SUV and drive off. Dust twirling behind the car as they disappear.

[Judith Watson]

I don’t know if I am posting this in the right place.

Judith’s QE3 – scene – 1st draft of max interest 2

Logline: Murder isn’t what it use to be.

ESSENCE: TWO KILLERS LEARN TO WORK TOGETHER

EXT. CLEARING IN A WOODSY AREA – DAY

SQUIRE, 40’s, stands with a two shovels, waiting. He whistles a tune as he watches a SUV approach. He doesn’t move, just waits, whistling.

The SUV gets closer. Stops. The person inside doesn’t move.

INT. SUV – DAY

NANCY, 30’s, stares at the whistling man. An angry expression crosses her face then she gets her composure. She takes a gun from the glove compartment. Gets out of the car tucking the weapon in her belt.

EXT. CLEARING IN A WOODSY AREA – DAY

She strolls toward Squire, stops in front of him.

NANCY

Where the fuck is Charlie?

Shrugging his shoulders, Squire smiles at her.

SQUIRE

(friendly)

I’m Squire and you are?

NANCY

Where’s Charlie?

SQUIRE

They sent me. I was expecting that ugly gal, Louise, but wow, they sent me you. What a treat.

Nancy turns and heads toward the SUV. She pulls open the trunk. Squire catches up with her. He looks inside.

NANCY

Are you gonna help me or not?

He grabs the legs of a body wrapped in plastic and helps Nancy pull out the body. It crashes to the ground. They drag the body to the two waiting shovels.

Squire removes his jacket and grabs a shovel. Nancy stands there. He indicates to her to pick up the shovel.

NANCY

I don’t dig. I delivered and now I watch.

Digging in the ground Squire starts his whistling again.

SQUIRE

Have it your way. Both of us digging means I can take you to dinner sooner.

She watches him. A rustle in the trees.

NANCY

What was that?

SQUIRE

Didn’t hear anything.

She moves over to the trees. Squire keeps digging.

INT. WOODS – DAY

Pulling her pistol Nancy cautiously enters. She moves into the dark woods. Ever alert and ready for anything.

She stops when she hears a branch snap. Watches a deer scurry off. A look of relief.

EXT. CLEARING IN A WOODSY AREA – DAY

When Nancy returns, the hole is deep now. Sweat pours from Squire’s brow. He smiles at her.

NANCY

Nothing.

She looks at him. Smiles. Pull out a hanky and moves to wipe his forehead.

NANCY

I’ll buy you dinner.

Squire lifts the body and Nancy helps. They throw it into the hole. As it plops down in the bottom, dust rises and fills the air.

Nancy picks up a shovel and throws the dirt onto the body. Squire smiles.

NANCY

I fill not dig.

They smile at one another. All’s well until a MAN and a WOMAN come screaming from the woods, guns drawn. They fire at Nancy and Squire hitting them in the chest.

The couple crumble to the ground.

Squire looks at the woman and Nancy looks at the man. Confused.

SQUIRE/NANCY

Louise…Charlie…

Charlie and Louise roll Squire and Nancy into the grave. They shovel dirt onto to them. When the hole is filled, they high-five one another.

CHARLIE

What are we gonna tell the boss.

LOUSE

They never showed.

They head toward Nancy’s SUV and drive off. Dust twirling behind the car as they disappear.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Interest Techniques 2 Scene – Lesson 13

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is thinking interest techniques when I write and using them in my scenes.

EXT. BARN – DAY

A woodsy area. The barn sits in back of a house made mostly of glass on one side overlooking the forest.

EMILY, 30, in running shorts races up to a MAN sitting in the moving van. Sweat pours from her forehead. She wipes her face with a cloth. Hardly containing her excitement, she knocks on the truck’s door.

EMILY

Hi.

The Man waves at her. Gets out of the truck.

MAN

(pleasantly)

Good morning, ma’am.

EMILY

You’re early.

MAN

Aim to please.

EMILY

They’re in there. Be careful. They’re my babies.

MAN

Yes, ma’am.

She hurries toward the house. Bangs through the front door.

EMILY

Eugene, they’re here.

INT. ENTRYWAY – DAY

Emily starts to move through the room but stops in her tracks. Sitting on a credenza is a letter marked “return to sender.” She moves over to it and picks it up. Stares at it.

Eugene, 30’s, stands in the doorway watching her. A sad expression on his face.

EUGENE

Time to let go. Don’t you think?

EMILY

There’s always hope.

EUGENE

Only you would say that after ten years. Be careful what you wish for Emily.

Emily looks pleadingly at Eugene. Bites her lip. She considers Eugene’s words. Moves to the trash. Lifts the letter up, then pulls it toward her chest.

Eugene shakes his head.

EUGENE

Gotta go to work.

He moves over and kisses her on the cheek.

EUGENE

See you tonight.

She watches him exit the door. Goes to the closet and puts the letter in a box filled with other “return to sender” envelopes. Stares at the box for a long time. A HONK from outside pulls her back to reality.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Lesson 12 – Creating Challenging Situations

What I learned is just set the timer and do the brainstorming and quick worrying about the lesson.

SCENE 1 –

Current scene logline: Emily is having her first art show of her paintings which will really launch her success.

Scene essence: Emily wants to impress the patrons who showed up for her show.

Wound: Rachel always put her down as a kid, but Emily values family and will forgive her to have their family, mom, Rachel, Emily, and her husband together even though Rachel has rejected her letters asking her to reunite by returning the letters unopened.

Situations possible in this scene:

Rachel, her estranged sister of 10 years shows up at the entrance, uninvited and causes a raucous.

Emily is flabbergasted at Rachel’s arrival and her appearance dressed in casual clothes. She insists on being let in.

Emily tries to calm down her sister while the patrons watch the interchange.

Emily lets Rachel into the show and trips and falls when she returns.

Rachel tells her you always were clumsy.

Rachel makes negative comments about a painting.

Emily is happy at her sister’s return but is frustrated that Rachel chose Emily’s triumphant art show to make her appearance.

Summary: When I first wrote this scene, I didn’t have Rachel cause a raucous at the front door. She just came to the event and Emily after her initial shocked welcomed her with open arms. In this version, Emily is embarrassed in a very public forum and doesn’t fare well in her patrons’ eyes.

SCENE 2

Logline: Emily goes to confront her sister about their mother’s death and her supposedly being deceased also.

Essence: Rachel lays in waiting to kill Emily.

Emily misses her at her hotel to confront her but learns her sister has gone to where they visited often as kids.

Emily goes to where she thinks Rachel will be, but when she arrives she doesn’t find Rachel.

She goes to the campsite’s office, but the note on the door says closed for the season.

She decides to look around and finds one cabin open. When she enters she finds Rachel’s sweater.

She turns to leave, but a raging Rachel attacks her.

She falls to the ground.

Emily pleads for Rachel to stop and they can work this out, but Rachel hits her again. She screams. Rachel believes Emily to be dead.

Rachel races to the woods and disappears.

Emily lays bleeding but is found not dead when the campsite caretaker heard her screams and finds her.

He runs to get supplies and calls for an ambulance.

In this current version of the scene, Emily is hurt more than previous versions. She is taken to emergency ward and Rachel disappears once more with no clue to where she has gone.

[Judith Watson]

What I’ve learned is that creating dramatic characters is a difficult task I need a lot of work to do it successfully.

Judith’s Character Traits Lesson

(Note: the scene between Sawyer and Kate is in Season 1, Episode 16 toward the end.)

BEFORE FOR CHARACTER 1: RACHEL

DESCRIPTION: Rachel is an art store owner who takes care of her aged mother.

TRAITS: kind; obedient; caring; passionate

SUBTEXT: Rachel feels it is her duty to take care of her mother.

AFTER FOR CHARACTER 1: RACHEL

DESCRIPTION: Rachel is an art store owner who feels she is stuck with taking care of her aged mother.

TRAITS: concealing; revengeful; self-serving; passionate

SUBTEXT: Rachel feels it is unfair that she is responsible for her mother and resents that her sister she feels is her mother’s favorite doesn’t help.

BEFORE FOR CHARACTER 2: EMILY

DESCRIPTION: Emily is a budding artist who has her first art show interrupted by her estranged sister whom she welcomes with open arms.

TRAITS: gullible; low self-esteem; creative; overly accommodating

SUBTEXT: Emily is a pushover

AFTER FOR CHARACTER 2: EMILY

DESCRIPTION: Emily is a budding artist who has her first art show and must protect herself from her revengeful sister.

TRAITS: gullible; low self-esteem; creative; brave

SUBTEXT: Emily has a good chance of being killed.

BEFORE FOR CHARACTER 3: EUGENE

DESCRIPTION: Eugene is a hard-working scientist bent on success.

TRAITS: bitter; perceptive; practical; overly competitive

SUBTEXT: Eugene works hard to succeed and neglects his family.

AFTER FOR CHARACTER 3: EUGENE

DESCRIPTION: Eugene is an ambitious scientist who works too hard to cover up his need to prove himself as good as his father.

TRAITS: bitter; perceptive; practical; protective

SUBTEXT: Eugene is an ambitious scientist who works too hard and neglects his family to prove to himself he is as good as his father.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Scene QE2 – DRAFT 2

Logline: A prisoner gets his just dues.

Essence: Nick knows he deserves his fate.

INT.MANNING PRISON – DAY

NICK,25, his bearded face peers into the visiting room. He saunters in and takes a seat. Sitting behind the glass divider he stares at JOHN,40s, with a quizzical look on his face.

John, no expression, sits, upright, holding the phone. He’s proper looking. He indicates for Nick to pick up his phone.

NICK

Who the fuck are you?

John points at the phone again.

NICK

Not until you tell me who you are.

JOHN

I’m John.

Just then, a funny glow surrounds John. Nick notices and is taken aback.

A scared expression of recognition crosses Nick’s face. He pulls the phone off the hook and places it next to his ear.

NICK

I never believed it. The glow and all that stuff you do. My dad told me about you. You’ve come out of your hole. I was told you never do that.

JOHN

It’s a beautiful day. I decided to carry out my duty.

NICK

Your duty. What are you gonna do in here?

JOHN

I want to know why you killed my father James Monroe, and then I’m going to kill you.

NICK

(he laughs)

Yah…

Nick points at the GAURD. He points at the divider glass.

JOHN

A reason.

NICK

Who sent you?

JOHN

James Monroe.

The glow surrounds John again.

NICK

Wait a minute. He’s dead and buried.

JOHN

Yes…

NICK

How could he…he wasn’t lying.

He looks for the GUARD but he is gone.

NICK

(screaming)

Guard, Guard…

No one comes. He gets up and pounds on the door.

NICK

Guard…guard…

JOHN

I sent him away.

NICK

There’s glass…

John shrugs his shoulders…

NICK

No…

JOHN

Yes…

Nick relaxes. He’s resigned to his fate.

JOHN

My gift. Again why did you kill Dad?

NICK

Our father, James Monroe, was a brute.

JOHN

He was the most wonderful, caring, loving, person in the world. You don’t know what you are talking about. You’re the brute.

NICK

Really, did he tell you about the many times he beat the shit out of me. The many times he burnt me with those damned cigarettes he was always smoked. You, you were great. I was the family beating board.

John slams the phone down. He gets up and paces the room. Nick smiles.

Charging toward the observation window, John stops just in time before he hits it.

He quietly sits down.

NICK

Look, I can see you’re in pain. Dad fooled me too. I thought he was a plumber. Was I surprised at what he was plumbing.

John doesn’t laugh. He waves his hand.

Nick gets a peaceful look on his face as he slowly vaporizes. A puddle of liquid replaces his form.

John waves his hand once more. The light surrounding him flutters as he vanishes.

THE END.

[Judith Watson]

Hi George, I’m posting this a second time. I’m not sure I got it in the right place 1st time.

Judith’s review of George’s Scene Draft #1 of QE2

Hi George, yes this website seems like it’s really messed up. That aside, thank you for letting me read your scene. I apologize for the late return of my review, but I was sick a couple of days.

Scene was very interesting. I saw the good use of the interest techniques like the following:

Mislead/reveal; hope/fear; suspense; surprise; and betrayal.

For example, Nick puts his hand on the Glock strapped beneath the desktop, suspense.

Betrayal when John tells the secretary to leave. I was under the impression John and Nick had come to an agreement.

TRAITS

Use of traits that I saw were: John – daring, breaking into Nick’s office; distrust – “who are you and where is Fallon?” Again, distrust – “He’d sooner die than retire.”

Loner: “I don’t have any buddies.”

For Nick: conniving – Nick presses his lips together, forcing a smile and then says, “Well, this is obviously some sort of mix-up. Perhaps someone is playing a practical joke on you?”

“Nicolas Reginald Watt the third, but you can call me Nick.”, shows confidence. And confidence and conniving in saying, “But I assure you, Mr. Fallon didn’t send that.”

All in all, I think you did a good job. The only place that was confusing for me was when he drew his attention to the paintings. Perhaps clarifying that would help.

Best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Kristina,

Thank you for letting me read your scene. I’m sorry I’m so late in getting back to you, but I was sick a couple of days.

INTEREST TECHNIQUES:

Setting: it was interesting to have the setting that you did. An old-fashioned duel is new. However, I wanted more of the traits to come through in the duel. I was expecting some, conniving, betrayal to show up. Perhaps, Nick is really bent on killing John because he insisted his daughter was to marry the other man. Then, you could have Nick pretend courtesy, but his conniving trait comes to into play and he betrays John, either though he claims love for his daughter, and then shoots him.

I think you could have made the duel more suspenseful. A duel is dangerous, but I never felt that either man was in danger. Up the suspense. The apple eating didn’t make sense to me.

Nice twist that the duel is about Nick loving John’s daughter.

I think John showed loyalty to love in that he understood why Nick was here to duel with him.

Saw some use of mistrust when “John walks away a few paces, but doesn’t….” Also, his mistrust trait when he asks “Why are we here?”

You implied the loner trait when Nick says to John, “You don’t have many friends.”

All in all nice job. I enjoyed reading your scene. Keep up the good work.

Best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Anyone locate Roger Nelson’s scene that we are suppose to read before hearing the Lesson 9 critique? best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Scene

Logline: A prisoner gets his just dues.

Essence: Nick knows he deserves his fate.

INT.MANNING PRISON – DAY

NICK,25, his bearded face peers into the visiting room and then enters. He sits behind the glass divider and stares at JOHN, 40s, a proper looking guy who sits upright and takes the phone to talk with Nick .

NICK

Do I know you?

John indicates to Nick to take the phone.

NICK

Not until you tell me who you are.

JOHN

John.

Nick pulls the phone off the hook and places it next to his ear.

NICK

John who?

JOHN

Just John. I’m here with a message.

NICK

You can take your message and get the fuck out of here.

He moves to get up from his chair and just then John waves his hand.

Nick tries to get up, but he’s stuck to his chair. He looks at the GUARD bored standing by the door.

NICK

Hey, you.

John waves his hand and the GUARD ignores Nick.

Nick takes a deep breath and gains his composure.

NICK

You are not going to get away with this.

JOHN

With what?

Considering and trying to figure out how he’s going to get out of this…

NICK

Okay, okay, I’ll play…Let’s share.

John considers. Sits back in his chair.

JOHN

You first.

NICK

What do you want to know?

JOHN

Why did you kill my father?

A “your father” look graces Nick’s face.

NICK

James Monroe. He was a brute.

JOHN

He was the most wonderful, caring, loving, person in the world. You don’t know what you are talking about. Look where you’re at.

NICK

Yah, and I’d do it over again. Your turn.

John slams the phone down. He gets up and paces the room. Nick smiles.

Charging toward the observation window, John stops just in time before he hits it.

He quietly sits down.

NICK

Look, I can see you’re in pain. My dad fooled me too. I thought he was a plumber. Was I surprised at what he was plumbing.

John doesn’t laugh.

JOHN

Are you ready?

NICK

I think so.

JOHN

Sorry, Nick, James Monroe sent me.

NICK

I realized that. How is he?

JOHN

He’s getting use to the place. Glad I was there.

NICK

Go ahead and do it and tell Dad hello for me.

John nods. He waves his hand.

Nick gets a peaceful look on his face as he slowly vaporizes. A puddle of liquid replaces his form.

John gets up from his chair and walks past the Guard who doesn’t see him as he walks by.

THE END.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Rewritten Scene

INT. BEAT UP BUILDING – NIGHT

A boxing ring surrounded by a crowd of PEOPLE. The room is noisy, full of hisses and boos when folks don’t like what is going on.

It’s the final round. The boxers punch and beat and whip at each other. One goes down, then the other.

ROBERT, 25, searches the people entering the building. He spots his friend, TRENT, 37, waves at him. Rushes from his seat.

ROBERT

Hey, man, glad you made it. Where you been?

TRENT

Some jerk spilled beer on me. Had to change my clothes.

Taken aback, Robert indicates to Trent to follow him.

ROBERT

Bummer.

TRENT

Ruined my best jacket. If I get a hold of him…

ROBERT

Fights up there, man.

TRENT

Yah, you’re right.

They proceed down the aisle toward the ring seats. The crowd frantic now rooting for their favorite boxer.

Following Robert, Trent peeks behind and sees the SPILLER BEER GUY following them. Trent gets more and more irritated thinking this guy is after him. He stops. Glares.

TRENT

Get the fuck out of here.

The Spiller Beer Guy throws up his hands in surrender. Trent moves toward him, but Robert gently pulls him back.

ROBERT

It ain’t worth it.

Trent nods and continues to follow Robert, but the Spiller Guy continues.

Trent steams. Stops.

TRENT

What you want?

SPILLER GUY

Just going to my seat. Sorry about the spill.

Trent stands there fuming. They are blocking the view of some of the audience. Shouts of sit down you jerks are heard repeatedly.

ROBERT

Come on, Trent, the fights up there.

Robert moves toward their seats and Trent backs off and follows him.

They get to their row and Trent proceeds forward. Sits. Robert follows and the beer guy follows him.

Plops down right next to Trent.

Tensing his jaw, Trent, groans. Robert decides to take control of the situation.

ROBERT

Let’s change seats.

Trent gets up, but before he moves, he pretends to accidently nudge the beer guy. His beer spills onto his clothes. He doesn’t respond. Keeps his cool.

Robert sits down.

ROBERT

My friend, a temper. I’m Robert.

Beer guy thinks better than to introduce himself when he sees a glare from Trent.

Just then a roar from the crowd. Trent sees his favorite winning the match.

The crowd scrambles to their feet. Some tear up betting papers. Others leave.

TRENT

Got money on Big Barber Brute. Maybe my day after all.

He pulls out his winning ticket.

ROBERT

Whens you get that?

TRENT

That’s where I got spilled on.

Robert shakes Trent’s hand as the beer guy moves past them.

Everything is claustrophobic. The exit crowd, noisey.

When the men get to the top of the stairs, Trent pulls Robert aside.

TRENT

Surprise. You get to meet the winner of the match, Big Barber Brute.

ROBERT

Are you kidding?

TRENT

We were college room mates.

ROBERT

Wow, do I look okay?

TRENT

Perfect, perfect…

INT. BACK ROOM – NIGHT

Trent enters a dark room. Robert follows after him, but before he’s ten feet in, a hand reaches out and smacks him squarely in the jaw.

Trent stands there watching his friend get beaten up.

ROBERT

Hey, man?

Robert tries to punch back, but Trent takes his arms and holds them. The AGGRESSOR beats on Robert till his face is bloody. He’s loosing consciousness.

Trent lets go of his arms and Robert collapses onto the floor.

Robert looks at him with a why expression on his face.

Trent ignores him and flips on the lights. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a wad of bills. The Beer Guy steps into the light. He puts out his hand and Trent pays him off.

Beer Guy leaves.

Saying nothing to Robert, Trent pulls out a photo from his wallet. He tears it up and throws it on top of Robert. The pieces flutter down onto his chest revealing the picture of a pretty brunette.

Trent leaves.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s Rewritten Scene

INT. BEAT UP BUILDING – NIGHT

A boxing ring surrounded by a crowd of PEOPLE. The room is noisy, full of hisses and boos when folks don’t like what is going on.

It’s the final round. The boxers punch and beat and whip at each other. One goes down, then the other.

ROBERT, 25, searches the people entering the building. He spots his friend, TRENT, 37, waves at him. Rushes from his seat.

ROBERT

Hey, man, glad you made it? Where you been?

TRENT

Some jerk spilled beer on me. Had to change my clothes.

Taken aback, Robert indicates to Trent to follow him.

ROBERT

Bummer.

TRENT

Ruined my best jacket. If I get a hold of him…

ROBERT

Fights up there, man.

TRENT

Yah, you’re right.

They proceed down the aisle toward the ring seats. The crowd frantic now rooting for their favorite boxer.

Following Robert, Trent peeks behind and sees the SPILLER BEER GUY following them. Trent gets more and more irritated thinking this guy is after him. He stops. Glares.

TRENT

Get the fuck out of here.

The Spiller Beer Guy throws up his hands in surrender. Trent moves toward him, but Robert gently pulls him back.

ROBERT

It ain’t worth it.

Trent nods and continues to follow Robert, but the Spiller Guy continues.

Trent steams. Stops.

TRENT

What you want?

SPILLER GUY

Just going to my seat. Sorry about the spill.

Trent stands there staring at spiller guy. They are blocking the view of some of the audience. Shouts of sit down you jerks are heard repeatedly.

ROBERT

Come on, Trent, the fights up there.

Robert moves toward their seats and Trent backs off and follows him.

They get to their row and Trent proceeds forward. Sits. Robert follows and the beer guy follows him.

Plops down right next to Trent.

Tensing his jaw, Trent, groans. Robert decides to take control of the situation.

ROBERT

Let’s change seats.

Trent gets up, but before he moves, he pretends to accidently nudge the beer guy. His beer spills onto his clothes. He doesn’t respond. Keeps his cool.

Robert sits down.

ROBERT

My friend, a temper. I’m Robert.

Beer guy thinks better than to introduce himself when he sees a glare from Trent.

Just then a roar from the crowd. Trent sees his favorite winning the match.

The crowd scrambles to their feet. Some tear up betting papers. Others leave.

TRENT

Got money on Big Barber Brute. Maybe my day after all.

He pulls out his winning ticket.

ROBERT

Whens you get that?

TRENT

That’s where I got spilled on.

Robert shakes Trent’s hand as the beer guy moves past them.

Everything is claustrophobic. The exit crowd, noisey.

When the men get to the top of the stairs, Trent pulls Robert aside.

TRENT

Surprise. You get to meet the winner of the match, Big Barber Brute.

ROBERT

Are you kidding?

TRENT

We were college room mates.

ROBERT

Wow, do I look okay?

TRENT

Perfect, perfect…

INT. BACK ROOM – NIGHT

Trent enters a dark room. Robert follows after him, but before he’s ten feet in, a hand reaches out and smacks him squarely in the jaw.

Trent stands there watching his friend get beaten up.

Robert tries to punch back, but Trent takes his arms and holds them. The AGGRESSOR beats on Robert till his face is bloody. He’s loosing consciousness.

Trent lets go of his arms and Robert collapses onto the floor.

Robert looks at him with a why expression on his face.

Trent ignores him and flips on the lights. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a wad of bills. The Beer Guy steps into the light. He puts out his hand and Trent pays him off.

Beer Guy leaves.

Saying nothing to Robert, Trent pulls out a photo from his wallet. He tears it up and throws it on top of Robert. The pieces flutter down onto his chest revealing the picture of a pretty brunette.

Trent leaves.

[Judith Watson]

INT. BEAT UP BUILDING – NIGHT

A boxing ring surrounded by a crowd of PEOPLE. The room is noisy, full of hisses and boos when folks don’t like what is going on.

It’s the final round. The boxers punch and beat and whip at each other. One goes down, then the other.

ROBERT, 25, searches the people entering the building. He spots his friend, TRENT, 37, waves at him. Rushes from his seat.

ROBERT

Thought you weren’t gonna make it, man. The fights almost over with.

TRENT

Yah, yah, yah.

Taken aback, Robert indicates to Trent to follow him.

ROBERT

You okay?

TRENT

Some jerk spilled beer on me. Look at these clothes. There are ruined.

Trent brushes off the invisible stain.

They proceed down the aisle toward the ring seats. The crowd frantic now rooting for their favorite boxer.

Following Robert, Trent peeks behind and sees the SPILLER BEER GUY following them. Trent gets more and more irritated thinking this guy is after him. He stops. Glares.

TRENT

Get the fuck out of here.

The Spiller Beer Guy throws up his hands in surrender. Trent moves toward him, but Robert gently pulls him back.

ROBERT

It ain’t worth it.

Trent nods and continues to follow Robert, but the Spiller Beer Guy continues. Trent steams, Robert shakes his head and Trent follows.

They get to their row and Trent proceeds forward. Sits. Robert follows and the beer guy follows him.

Plops down right next to Trent.

Tensing his jaw, Trent, groans. Robert notices his reaction.

ROBERT

Let’s change seats.

Trent gets up to exchange seats, but before he moves, he pretends to accidently nudge the beer guy. He doesn’t respond. Keeps his cool.

Robert plops down next to beer guy.

ROBERT

My friend, a temper. I’m Robert.

Beer guy thinks better than to introduce himself when he sees a glare from Trent.

Just then a roar from the crowd. Trent sees his favorite winning the match.

The crowd scrambles to their feet. Some tear up betting papers. Others leave.

TRENT

Got money on Big Barber Brute.

He pulls out his winning ticket.

ROBERT

Whens you get that?

TRENT

That’s where I got spilled on.

Robert shakes Trent’s hand as the beer guy moves past them.

Everything is claustrophobic. The exit crowd, noisey.

When the men get to the top of the stairs, Trent pulls Robert aside.

TRENT

Surprise. You get to meet the winner of the match, Big Barber Brute.

ROBERT

What?

TRENT

We were college room mates.

ROBERT

Wow, do I look okay?

INT. BACK ROOM – NIGHT

Trent enters a dark room. Robert follows after him, but before he’s ten feet in, a hand reaches out and smacks him squarely in the jaw.

Trent stands there watching his friend get beaten up.

Robert tries to punch back, but Trent takes his arms and holds them. The AGGRESSOR beats on Robert till his face is bloody. He’s loosing consciousness.

Trent lets go of his arms and Robert collapses onto the floor.

Robert looks at him with a why expression on his face.

Trent ignores him and flips on the lights. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a wad of bills. The Beer Guy steps into the light. He puts out his hand and Trent pays him off.

Beer Guy leaves.

Saying nothing to Robert, Trent pulls out a photo from his wallet. He tears it up and throws it on top of Robert. The pieces flutter down onto his chest revealing the picture of a pretty brunette.

Trent leaves.

[Judith Watson]

Reunion from Hell – Opening Scene:

Sisters are not always loving relations.

Essence: Rachel loses it and goes on her revenge rampage.

Interest: Surprise and change in character

What I learned is thinking interest techniques stimulates the rewriting of a scene.

REUNION

FADE IN:

EXT. MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Quiet streets. Christmas decorations and lights adorn the houses creating a cheery atmosphere.

A black MERCEDES sits in front of Rachel’s house.

INT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

A modest living room decorated for Christmas. In one corner a dried out Christmas tree with all the trimmings.

Candles sit on every available spot. They are arranged in an orderly fashion.

MOM,75, sits in a comfortable recliner watching her daughter, RACHEL PAYNE,34, light the candles. Rachel is an intent woman. She’s singly directed and once she makes up her mind, nothing will change it. She always feels she is right.

A concerned look crosses Mom’s face.

MOM

Aren’t lighting all those candles, dear, a bit dangerous?

Rachel grabs a blanket from the couch and covers mom’s legs.

RACHEL

Just trying to make things festive.

She points to a fire extinguisher.

MOM

The tree’s dry.

Rachel looks at the tree.

RACHEL

Hmmm…I’ll get some water.

She disappears. We HEAR water running. Rachel returns and fills the tree stand.

Mom sits slouched, deep in thought. Suddenly, her face brightens.

MOM

Rachel, when did you say Emily is getting here?

Rachel spins around, almost lunging, then gains composure.

RACHEL

For the tenth time, in two days.

MOM

It’ll be so wonderful having us all together again.

Rachel frowns.

Mom moves to get up from her chair. Rachel winces at the effort and rushes over to her.

RACHEL

You know the doctor wants you resting as much as possible.

Mom sits back into the recliner. Props her feet up and smiles at her daughter.

MOM

Would you be a dear and get me the album?

Rachel bites at her lip and disappears down the hallway returning with a photo album.

MOM

Thank you, dear.

She opens it up. Points to a picture.

MOM

Remember when we took this photo?

RACHEL

My birthday.

MOM

I was so thrilled to have Emily. And a nice sister for you. You two look so much alike everyone thought you were sisters.

RACHEL

Yah, sisters.

Mom is lost in thought.

MOM

She was such a blessing. So scared. I just wanted to hug and hug and hug her.

BEGIN FLASHBACK:

INT. DINING ROOM – DAY

Four-year-old Rachel sits at the dining room table. A big birthday cake with lit candles and an empty table except for the birthday girl and her unopened gifts.

She stares toward the commotion at the front door. Puts her hands over her ears.

END FLASHBACK.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Mom is alone in the room. She stares at the kitchen.

MOM

(shouting)

Whatever happened between you two?

A teapot SCREAMS in the kitchen. The women continue to talk shouting at one another.

RACHEL

Tea?

MOM

What dear?

RACHEL

Tea?

MOM

Don’t make it too hot.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Rachel pulls the screeching kettle off the stove.

RACHEL

(to herself)

Don’t make it too hot…don’t forget my sugar…Sure, Mom, sure.

Rachel puts a doily onto a plate and carefully fills a cup with water. Places a tea bag into it. Adds a couple of teaspoonfuls of sugar.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Mom leafs through the album. Each picture seems to bring her more happiness. She gets to one photo she’s overjoyed with just as Rachel returns with Mom’s tea.

MOM

Oh, look, this is when Emily won the art prize. She was so thrilled.

Rachel places the tea on the end table by Mom. If daggers could shoot from her eyes, they would. She ignores the photo.

RACHEL

Your tea.

Set up pt pay off later

Mom takes a cautious sip.

MOM

It’s not too hot. Good job.

Mom takes another sip.

MOM

What’s that taste?

RACHEL

A healthier, zero calorie sugar.

Rachel takes a taste of her tea. She watches Mom swizzle another sip.

RACHEL

What do you think, good?

Mom’s face grimaces. She clutches at her throat. Coughs, choking on her perfect tea.

RACHEL

No good, huh…I goofed again.

She reaches out to Rachel who just stands there watching Mom gasp for air.

MOM

(barely audible)

Help me.

Rachel watches Mom fade away. The tea cup falls to the floor spilling liquid on the carpet.

Rachel disappears down the hallway. We hear a DRAGGING sound. She returns pulling a body by the legs, carrying a package under her arm.

The body is of a woman in dirty clothes. Her tangled hair and clothes says she hasn’t bathe in a year.

She pulls the homeless woman next to the tree. Takes sawdust from the package and sprinkles it around the room. A special nice dose on Mom.

She puts the fire extinguisher in front of the homeless woman’s body. Arranges her arms as if reaching for it. Not quite right. She works at it until she’s satisfied.

Rachel lights a match and throws it at the tree. She bends down and kisses Mom. Throws a lit match at her.

Flames lap at the unconscious senior, the tree and homeless woman. Rachel admires her work.

RACHEL

I’m afraid it’s gonna be too hot, but just perfect.

She grabs her coat and purse. Knocks over all the candles. The room explodes into flame Rachel barely escaping through the back of the house.

[Judith Watson]

DEEP INTO YOUR CHARACTERS

Judith’s Profiles People

What I learned is writing out the interactions of a person helps me focus on their traits. However, it is still a challenge for me to identify what each trait is for each person.

Person 1 –

Stingy

Aggressive

Charming

Deceitful

Person 2 –

Conservative

Generous

Self-absorbed

Stubborn

Person 3 –

Resentful

Organized

Controlling

Loyal

Even though writing out the interactions with these people helped me find their traits, I’m still feeling very challenged to come up with scenes for a whole script to apply these traits in actions and dialogue.

[Judith Watson]

Judith Finds the Essence

What I learned is it still a challenge to label a character and scene with essence and doing these exercises is making me aware of what I need to be doing to be a better writer.

Script I chose: Reunion from Hell

Scene 1 Location: Opening

Logline: Emily, excited that her art show is opening tonight, is taken aback when she gets another “return to sender” letter from her sister.

Essence: Emily feels that getting love from her sister makes her whole.

Scene 2 Location: Opening 2

Logline: Rachel’s jealousy and resentment reach a peak and she loses it by killing her mother and setting off to take revenge on Emily.

Essence: Rachel has lost control of her emotions.

Scene 3: Inciting Incident

Logline: Emily is shocked and delighted that Rachel has come back into her life.

Essence: Emily hopes that her life can now be complete.

Scene 4: Break into 2

Logline: Emily, surprised at her hesitancy to welcome Rachel into her life, finally invites her to start afresh and renew their relationship.

Essence: Emily is going to make a go of her relationship with her sister.

Scene 5: Break into 3

Logline: Emily finds her friend Lynn dying and her to be adopted child kidnapped by Rachel.

Essence: Emily realizes that Rachel is evil and she must be stopped.

[Judith Watson]

Judith Finds the Essence

What I learned is essence has a feeling to it and great writing is full of it.

Script I choose: The Last of the Mohicans

Scene 1 Location: Forest

Logline: Three men hunt for food.

Essence: The huntsmen, two Indians and a white man, respect the Elk they have killed: “We’re are sorry to kill you, Brother. Forgive us. I do honor to your courage and speed, your strength.

Scene 1 Location: Cabin in the woods

Logline: The three men meet with their frontier friends.

Essence: The Indians and the white frontier people respect each other.

Scene 1 Location: Garden

Logline: Duncan and Cora have tea in the garden and Duncan proposes.

Essence: Duncan expects Cora to accept his proposal, but Cora doesn’t love him and turns him down as politely as she can.

Scene 1 Location: Woods

Logline: Cora, Hawkeye, and his two Indian adopted brother and father hide from Indians trying to kill them.

Essence: Cora realizes that there is more to Indians than being savages.

Scene 1 Location: Cameron’s Cabin in the woods

Logline: The women and their Indian guides find the Cameron family massacred.

Essence: Cora learns that the frontier is a harsh place when Hawkeye and his Indian family leave the Cameron’s unburied in order to protect them.

[Judith Watson]

Hi Sherry, Please send me your email and scene at cinemaself1@aol.com and I will send you mind. thanks for sharing. best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

thanks for the information, Nora. best to you in your writing.

[Judith Watson]

Would you like to exchange scenes to review with me?

[Judith Watson]

Interesting idea. Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

What a fun idea. Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

I like your idea. Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

I like your idea. Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

thanks for the information. best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Thank you, Charles. Do you have lessons 13 and 14 too? best, Judith my email address is cinemaself1@aol.com

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Judith Watson.

[Judith Watson]

Hi CJ, are you interested in exchanging with a thriller outline I have. My email is cinemaself1@aol.com

[Judith Watson]

Hi Jennifer, didn’t get your outline. please resend.

[Judith Watson]

Hi Brian, I would be willing to exchange. I have one feedback before you, so when I get that done, I will email you my outline. My email address is cinemaself1@aol.com

best, Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

Hi, I have a thriller. Would you like to exchange? best, Judith Watson

cinemaself1@aol.com is my email address

[Judith Watson]

Hi Monica, I’d love to exchange number 2. Let me know when you are ready. I tried your email, but it wouldn’t go through. My email is cinemaself1@aol.com

[Judith Watson]

this week 4 is not coming up. it looks like people are posting the assignments in week 3. so I will do the same.

[Judith Watson]

Hi, I just looked at the original list of classes and my cousin vinny is in week 4. in week 3 we are suppose to have: the proposal, silence of the lambs for day 1 – the godfather for day 2 – the matrix for day 3 – the matrix for day 4 – and rudy for day 5. the listing i see on the classes list is missing some of that.

[Judith Watson]

I am seeing the proposal and silence of the lamb. no cousin vinny for me either.

[Judith Watson]

How do we contact anyone to exchange scenes? Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

What I learned in doing this assignment is it is easily to separate out and find new ways to write a scene if when I am first writing to keep an up-to-date outline.

Judith’s Story Beats Lesson 3 – ASSIGNMENT 1

LOGLINE for REUNION: When an estranged sister arrives pretending wanting to make up, her unsuspecting sibling welcomes her with open arms only to discover her sister has evil intentions.

1-5 -Rachel kills her mother and fakes her death by putting the dead body of a homeless person in the house. She sets the house on fire.

New Scene

Change so we think it is a robber in the house and rewrite so we don’t see the face of the thief/Rachel.

Delete

6 – EXT. STRIP MALL – NIGHT – Rachel drives by her defunct art store. Tears roll down her cheek. DROP this scene.

Delete

7 – EXT. STRIP MALL – NIGHT – Rachel drives by her defunct art store. Tears roll down her cheek. DROP this scene.

26 – 27 – moved from further down – ADD NEW SCENE – INT. HOUSE – NIGHT

A detective THOMAS investigates the fire. The CORONER takes the bodies away. He finds a necklace and a tea cup on the floor of the burnt out room.

ADD NEW SCENE – EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT

THOMAS talks with the busy-body neighbor who informs him she heard a car speeding away. There have been many robberies in the neighborhood lately that is why she got a security system on her front door. The detective asks to see if the speeding car was recorded on her system.

Delete

8 – 11 – EXT. /INT – BARN – DAY – Emily supervises the loading of her artwork to be shipped to the gallery for tonight’s show. We meet the Protagonist, Emily Green, 32.

New Scenes

EXT. WOODS/EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY – Emily returns from her run and the paintings for the gallery movers are not there. She is upset.

INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY – She calls to husband, Eugene, and asks where are the movers. He tells her they called and said you told them to come later. Angered, she calls them and tells them to get over there right away. She didn’t call.

INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – ENTRY – DAY – EMILY hears the mail drop in the slot. She picks it up and sees a “return to sender” letter. It upsets her. She starts to move to the closet, but changes her mind. Tears the letter in half and dumps it into the trash. Her husband sees her, smiles, and says, “it’s about time.”

11 – 18 – EXT. ADOPTION AGENCY – DAY – Emily and Eugene go to sign the final papers to adopt a little girl named Katie, 8 years old.

New Scene

11- 18 – All the same except instead of seeing that Rachel is spying on them, we don’t see the person sitting in the car’s face.

19 – 24 INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY Emily gets ready for the art show. While taking a bath, Ralphie, Emily’s dog, we see that he is hurt when he returns from the woods.

25 – INT ART GALLERY – NIGHT – Emily show is a smashing success. Ruckus at the front door. Emily goes to see what is going on. Her estranged sister, Rachel has come to the show. She wants to reunite with Emily.2

New to Scene –

25 – 27 – INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT – – Emily show is a smashing success. Ruckus at the front door. Emily goes to see what is going on. Her estranged sister, Rachel has come to the show. She wants to reunite with Emily. ADD – She’s brought flowers and a card from their mother hoping that this Christmas they can become a family.

28-30 – INT/EXT SCHOOL – DAY – We meet Katie, the little girl Emily is adopting. We meet Lynn, Emily’s best friend. Emily teaches art courses for Lynn once a week.

31 – INT. DR. GOODMAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Emily tries to enter Goodman’s office but he has been killed.

32 – 36 – EXT/INT – WOODS/DOCTOR’S OFFICES – Emily gets sick while running with Ralphie in the woods. She learns that she is pregnant. She tells Eugene at work

37 – 40 – EXT/INT – BABY BOUTIQUE – DAY

Emily runs into Rachel outside the boutique. Tells her she is pregnant. Wants to shop with her. Move this scene after the new 37 scene at the house where Emily accepts Rachel back into her life.

NEW SCENE

37 – 40 – EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY

Rachel shows up holding one of the “return to sender letters she found on the ground when she walked up to the house. She apologizes to Emily. Tells her how much she must have hurt her and says she’d understand if she didn’t want to try reunion. Emily tells her let’s try. I miss you and mom terribly. I’ve always wanted us to be a strong family.

40 – INT. GROCERY – Emily and Rachel have fun grocery shopping to celebrate Emily being pregnant.

41 – INT. CITY MORGUE – DAY – CORONER ids dead body not Rachel. Where is Rachel he wonders. ADD – mother is poisoned in tea. Neighbor said was another child. Need to find out where she is.

42 – 46 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – Rachel and Emily in good cheer prepare for a baby coming celebration dinner. Rachel finds the certificate Emily won by using Rachel’s painting in a contest and Rachel scratches it out. She pretends all is well and leaves so Eugene and Emily can celebrate their good news.

47-50 – EXT/INT. – Art Gallery – Night – while Emily and Eugene celebrate their good news about the baby, Rachel destroys Emily’s paintings.

51 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY – Eugene discovers the scratched out certificate and becomes suspicious that Rachel is up to no good.

52 – 56 – INT. BARN STUDIO – Emily is in the studio to paint. She gets a phone call about the burnt-out gallery. Rushes to the gallery and sees the devastation. She collects pieces left over from the burning. Tries to call Eugene but can’t get him.

57- 62 – INT/EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE/BARN – DAY – Freaked out over the paintings, Emily calls clients to find out if they want money back or repainting. While trying to get control of herself, Rachel arrives and learns of the gallery fire and tells Emily she is taking her to lunch to relax.

62 – 66 – INT. RESTURANT – DAY – Rachel points out to Emily that Eugene is at the restaurant with a friendly woman. Emily freaks out thinking that is why Eugene wasn’t available. He is having an affair. We learn that Rachel hired this woman to make it look like Eugene was having an affair and brought Emily here to make her believe it.

MIDPOINT – 67 – INT. SUNNYVALE REST HOME – MOM’S ROOM – DAY – Detective Thomas learns Emily’s married name and will contact her.

68 – INT. BARN STUDIO – LATER – Emily tries to recreate the burnt paintings. Rachel supports her with some tea.

69 – 75 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT – Eugene and Emily have a big fight over Rachel who Eugene suspects is up to no good. Emily doesn’t believe him and will call mom. When she calls, she learns of Mom’s and Rachel’s death in the fire. She is stunned and doesn’t know what to do. She gets a phone call from Detective Thomas wanting to talk with her. ADD some of 75-78 in this section without Rachel there.

75- 78 – EMILY’S HOUSE – Rachel appears all distraught. Emily listens to her. CUT THESE

SCENES

79 – INT. EUGENE’S LAB – DAY – Eugene’s lab has been trashed

80- INT. RESTARANT – Eugene finds a connection between Rachel and the fake investor to Eugene’s project. CUT THIS SCENE

81 – 83 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE BEDROOM – Emily believes that mom and her friend Mary were killed in the fire. Eugene kicks Rachel out of the house. Emily wants to help Rachel.

CUT THESE SCENES

84 – INT. ADOPTION AGENCY – DAY – Their adoption is on hold because they got an anonymous phone call saying Emily stole paintings and sold them as her own.

ADD – INT. – Emily goes to Rachel’s hotel to confront Rachel but she has left. The Clerk says he doesn’t know where she went, but she kept talking about a cabin she visited for vacation.

EXT. CABIN IN WOODS – DAY

Emily sees Rachel’s car parked in front of cabin 15, the one they use to stay in. She doesn’t bother knocking and bursts in. Rachel is waiting for her. They fight physically and verbally about all the things Rachel believes Emily has done to her. Rachel manages to knock Emily out and escape. The Wintertime Manager finds Emily and she goes after Rachel. (old scenes 94-96)

86 – 88 – EXT. FREEWAY – DAY – Rachel causes Eugene to have a severe accident. He is taken to the hospital.

89 – EXT. FREEWAY – DAY – a witness to the accident talks with the police.

90 – 91 – INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY – Rachel has brought a bloody rabbit foot to Katie at school when she tries to pick her up by saying Emily sent her.

92 – INT. EMILY’S CAR – DAY – she gets a phone call from Detective Thomas wanting to see her. She makes arrangements to meet him at her house the next day. She gets a second call telling her that Eugene has been hurt in an accident. She rushes to the hospital.

93 – INT. PLAYMATES HOUSE – DAY – Lynn goes to pick up Katie and head back to her home.

94 –99 INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – Emily is with Eugene in the hospital. The doctor tells her to go home, he’ll call if things change. As Emily is leaving she realizes that she had asked Lynn to pick up Katie from the party and she heads to Lynn’s house to get Katie and take her back to her foster home.

100 – 102 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – Rachel answers the door and pretends she is Emily when Detective Thomas introduces himself.

103– INT. LYNN’S HOUSE – NIGHT – Emily gets to Lynn’s house and finds that Rachel kidnapped Katie and left Lynn dying. Emily discovers her and calls an ambulance.

104 – 108 – EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT – Emily arrives home. She doesn’t see Rachel’s car. She checks the barn. Katie is not there. The only thing there are candles placed about and some paintings that Rachel has done – grotesque family portraits.

She looks in the house. Rachel and Lynn are not there. She finds her dog Ralphie tied up. She releases him and he races out the doggie door.

She races after Ralphie and finds him digging in the woods. He uncovers Detective Thomas’ body.

Rachel attacks Emily but she gets away. Rachel shoots Ralphie in the leg. He is down. Rachel tells Emily if she wants to see Katie to meet her in the barn.

109 – 110 – EXT./INT. BARN – Emily starts to go in and then changes her mind. She crawls up a ladder to the barn loft. Enters. She sees Katie. Sees the lit candles. Goes to her to untie her, but before she can, Rachel attacks.

They fight. Katie manages to escape just as the barn catches on fire. Emily manages to knock Rachel down. She crawls toward the flaming area and Emily can’t get to her. She escapes out of the barn.

Katie has called the fire department. They watch the firefighters put out the fire.

111 – EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY – Emily wheels Eugene up to the house.

112 – INT. EMILY’S JOUSE – Day – They are eating lunch. The doorbell rings. Emily answers to door. The adoption agency officer stands there with Katie, smiles, and tells Emily Katie is ready to come home.

What I learned in doing this assignment is it is easily to separate out and find new ways to write a scene if when I am first writing to keep an up-to-date outline.

ASSIGNMENT 2

LOGLINE for REUNION: When an estranged sister arrives pretending wanting to make up, her unsuspecting sibling welcomes her with open arms only to discover her sister has evil intentions.

1-5 -Rachel kills her mother and fakes her death by putting the dead body of a homeless person in the house. She sets the house on fire.

New Scene

Change so we think it is a robber in the house and rewrite so we don’t see the face of the thief/Rachel.

Delete

6 – EXT. STRIP MALL – NIGHT – Rachel drives by her defunct art store. Tears roll down her cheek. DROP this scene.

Delete

7 – EXT. STRIP MALL – NIGHT – Rachel drives by her defunct art store. Tears roll down her cheek. DROP this scene.

26 – 27 – moved from further down – ADD NEW SCENE – INT. HOUSE – NIGHT

A detective THOMAS investigates the fire. The CORONER takes the bodies away. He finds a necklace and a tea cup on the floor of the burnt out room.

ADD NEW SCENE – EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT

THOMAS talks with the busy-body neighbor who informs him she heard a car speeding away. There have been many robberies in the neighborhood lately that is why she got a security system on her front door. The detective asks to see if the speeding car was recorded on her system.

Delete

8 – 11 – EXT. /INT – BARN – DAY – Emily supervises the loading of her artwork to be shipped to the gallery for tonight’s show. We meet the Protagonist, Emily Green, 32.

New Scenes

EXT. WOODS/EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY – Emily returns from her run and the paintings for the gallery movers are not there. She is upset.

INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY – She calls to husband, Eugene, and asks where are the movers. He tells her they called and said you told them to come later. Angered, she calls them and tells them to get over there right away. She didn’t call.

INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – ENTRY – DAY – EMILY hears the mail drop in the slot. She picks it up and sees a “return to sender” letter. It upsets her. She starts to move to the closet, but changes her mind. Tears the letter in half and dumps it into the trash. Her husband sees her, smiles, and says, “it’s about time.”

11 – 18 – EXT. ADOPTION AGENCY – DAY – Emily and Eugene go to sign the final papers to adopt a little girl named Katie, 8 years old.

New Scene

11- 18 – All the same except instead of seeing that Rachel is spying on them, we don’t see the person sitting in the car’s face.

19 – 24 INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY Emily gets ready for the art show. While taking a bath, Ralphie, Emily’s dog, we see that he is hurt when he returns from the woods.

25 – INT ART GALLERY – NIGHT – Emily show is a smashing success. Ruckus at the front door. Emily goes to see what is going on. Her estranged sister, Rachel has come to the show. She wants to reunite with Emily.2

New to Scene –

25 – 27 – INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT – – Emily show is a smashing success. Ruckus at the front door. Emily goes to see what is going on. Her estranged sister, Rachel has come to the show. She wants to reunite with Emily. ADD – She’s brought flowers and a card from their mother hoping that this Christmas they can become a family.

28-30 – INT/EXT SCHOOL – DAY – We meet Katie, the little girl Emily is adopting. We meet Lynn, Emily’s best friend. Emily teaches art courses for Lynn once a week.

31 – INT. DR. GOODMAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Emily tries to enter Goodman’s office but he has been killed.

32 – 36 – EXT/INT – WOODS/DOCTOR’S OFFICES – Emily gets sick while running with Ralphie in the woods. She learns that she is pregnant. She tells Eugene at work

37 – 40 – EXT/INT – BABY BOUTIQUE – DAY

Emily runs into Rachel outside the boutique. Tells her she is pregnant. Wants to shop with her. Move this scene after the new 37 scene at the house where Emily accepts Rachel back into her life.

NEW SCENE

37 – 40 – EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY

Rachel shows up holding one of the “return to sender letters she found on the ground when she walked up to the house. She apologizes to Emily. Tells her how much she must have hurt her and says she’d understand if she didn’t want to try reunion. Emily tells her let’s try. I miss you and mom terribly. I’ve always wanted us to be a strong family.

40 – INT. GROCERY – Emily and Rachel have fun grocery shopping to celebrate Emily being pregnant.

41 – INT. CITY MORGUE – DAY – CORONER ids dead body not Rachel. Where is Rachel he wonders. ADD – mother is poisoned in tea. Neighbor said was another child. Need to find out where she is.

42 – 46 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – Rachel and Emily in good cheer prepare for a baby coming celebration dinner. Rachel finds the certificate Emily won by using Rachel’s painting in a contest and Rachel scratches it out. She pretends all is well and leaves so Eugene and Emily can celebrate their good news.

47-50 – EXT/INT. – Art Gallery – Night – while Emily and Eugene celebrate their good news about the baby, Rachel destroys Emily’s paintings.

51 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY – Eugene discovers the scratched out certificate and becomes suspicious that Rachel is up to no good.

52 – 56 – INT. BARN STUDIO – Emily is in the studio to paint. She gets a phone call about the burnt-out gallery. Rushes to the gallery and sees the devastation. She collects pieces left over from the burning. Tries to call Eugene but can’t get him.

57- 62 – INT/EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE/BARN – DAY – Freaked out over the paintings, Emily calls clients to find out if they want money back or repainting. While trying to get control of herself, Rachel arrives and learns of the gallery fire and tells Emily she is taking her to lunch to relax.

62 – 66 – INT. RESTURANT – DAY – Rachel points out to Emily that Eugene is at the restaurant with a friendly woman. Emily freaks out thinking that is why Eugene wasn’t available. He is having an affair. We learn that Rachel hired this woman to make it look like Eugene was having an affair and brought Emily here to make her believe it.

MIDPOINT – 67 – INT. SUNNYVALE REST HOME – MOM’S ROOM – DAY – Detective Thomas learns Emily’s married name and will contact her.

68 – INT. BARN STUDIO – LATER – Emily tries to recreate the burnt paintings. Rachel supports her with some tea.

69 – 75 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT – Eugene and Emily have a big fight over Rachel who Eugene suspects is up to no good. Emily doesn’t believe him and will call mom. When she calls, she learns of Mom’s and Rachel’s death in the fire. She is stunned and doesn’t know what to do. She gets a phone call from Detective Thomas wanting to talk with her. ADD some of 75-78 in this section without Rachel there.

75- 78 – EMILY’S HOUSE – Rachel appears all distraught. Emily listens to her. CUT THESE

SCENES

79 – INT. EUGENE’S LAB – DAY – Eugene’s lab has been trashed

80- INT. RESTARANT – Eugene finds a connection between Rachel and the fake investor to Eugene’s project. CUT THIS SCENE

81 – 83 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE BEDROOM – Emily believes that mom and her friend Mary were killed in the fire. Eugene kicks Rachel out of the house. Emily wants to help Rachel.

CUT THESE SCENES

84 – INT. ADOPTION AGENCY – DAY – Their adoption is on hold because they got an anonymous phone call saying Emily stole paintings and sold them as her own.

ADD – INT. – Emily goes to Rachel’s hotel to confront Rachel but she has left. The Clerk says he doesn’t know where she went, but she kept talking about a cabin she visited for vacation.

EXT. CABIN IN WOODS – DAY

Emily sees Rachel’s car parked in front of cabin 15, the one they use to stay in. She doesn’t bother knocking and bursts in. Rachel is waiting for her. They fight physically and verbally about all the things Rachel believes Emily has done to her. Rachel manages to knock Emily out and escape. The Wintertime Manager finds Emily and she goes after Rachel. (old scenes 94-96)

86 – 88 – EXT. FREEWAY – DAY – Rachel causes Eugene to have a severe accident. He is taken to the hospital.

89 – EXT. FREEWAY – DAY – a witness to the accident talks with the police.

90 – 91 – INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY – Rachel has brought a bloody rabbit foot to Katie at school when she tries to pick her up by saying Emily sent her.

92 – INT. EMILY’S CAR – DAY – she gets a phone call from Detective Thomas wanting to see her. She makes arrangements to meet him at her house the next day. She gets a second call telling her that Eugene has been hurt in an accident. She rushes to the hospital.

93 – INT. PLAYMATES HOUSE – DAY – Lynn goes to pick up Katie and head back to her home.

94 –99 INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT – Emily is with Eugene in the hospital. The doctor tells her to go home, he’ll call if things change. As Emily is leaving she realizes that she had asked Lynn to pick up Katie from the party and she heads to Lynn’s house to get Katie and take her back to her foster home.

100 – 102 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – Rachel answers the door and pretends she is Emily when Detective Thomas introduces himself.

103– INT. LYNN’S HOUSE – NIGHT – Emily gets to Lynn’s house and finds that Rachel kidnapped Katie and left Lynn dying. Emily discovers her and calls an ambulance.

104 – 108 – EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – NIGHT – Emily arrives home. She doesn’t see Rachel’s car. She checks the barn. Katie is not there. The only thing there are candles placed about and some paintings that Rachel has done – grotesque family portraits.

She looks in the house. Rachel and Lynn are not there. She finds her dog Ralphie tied up. She releases him and he races out the doggie door.

She races after Ralphie and finds him digging in the woods. He uncovers Detective Thomas’ body.

Rachel attacks Emily but she gets away. Rachel shoots Ralphie in the leg. He is down. Rachel tells Emily if she wants to see Katie to meet her in the barn.

109 – 110 – EXT./INT. BARN – Emily starts to go in and then changes her mind. She crawls up a ladder to the barn loft. Enters. She sees Katie. Sees the lit candles. Goes to her to untie her, but before she can, Rachel attacks.

They fight. Katie manages to escape just as the barn catches on fire. Emily manages to knock Rachel down. She crawls toward the flaming area and Emily can’t get to her. She escapes out of the barn.

Katie has called the fire department. They watch the firefighters put out the fire.

111 – EXT. EMILY’S HOUSE – DAY – Emily wheels Eugene up to the house.

112 – INT. EMILY’S HOUSE – Day – They are eating lunch. The doorbell rings. Emily answers to door. The adoption agency officer stands there with Katie, smiles, and tells Emily Katie is ready to come home.

[Judith Watson]

Hi Althea, I wrote you and wanted to know if you want to partner up. Please let me know. My email is cinemaself1@aol.com and my phone number is 714-336-0884. best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Leo, I am writing a thriller. Willing to sign up as partners. best, Judith

phone number 714-336-0884

cinemaself1@aol.com, best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Althea, My email address is cinemaself1@aol.com and phone number is 714-3360884.

[Judith Watson]

I just sent you my email. best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Althea, I am willing to partner with you. Best, Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

Hi Susan, Yes, let’s partner. got your message earlier. Am looking to your structure. best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Susan, Yes, let’s partner up. Am looking forward to your structure lesson 2. Will get my thoughts back as soon as possible.

[Judith Watson]

Hi Susan, Partnering up sounds great. Am looking forward to your Structure that we are to exchange with one another.

[Judith Watson]

Hi Althea, Glad to have you aboard and am looking forward to working with you. I am a grandmother also. best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Ed, Thanks for your feedback. Gave me much to think about. Best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Ed,

Fun scene. Thank you for trusting me with reading it.

I saw the use of many techniques in this scene and traits.

FOR NANCY –

Confrontational – through out, for example, “God, I told you, don’t hire him just because he’s cute. But nooo. Why list…..”

Scheming – she doesn’t tell anyone about the betting. Also not telling anyone the wedding is of.

Stubborn – “Sweetie, you’re way in over your head. Busines…”

Caring – Had the feeling he like Squire throughout, and it showed in the line, “Oh, Sweeting. I’m so, so sorry. Are you okay?” Action: she kisses him on the cheek.

FOR SQUIRE –

Selfish – wanting to run off of check on Jamie instead of doing his job and leaving it for Nancy

Happy – go -lucky – his attitude through the whole scene was playful. His sing/talk at the beginning set the mood well.

TECHNIQUES –

Hook – I wondered why Jamie wasn’t coming in to do his job.

Surprise – the wedding is postponed; Nancy is a bookie

Mystery – Jonathan was surprised that Jamie hadn’t talk to Nancy

Major Twist – Jamie is in the hospital and Nancy did not slip in the shower, but what did happen?

Cliff hangar – I bumped on Squire and Jonathan going to brunch after they found out about Jamie. It seemed that Squire was more concerned earlier, and I guess this could be his selfish trait. He doesn’t care about his friend but running off for fun. But the end did make me wonder what will happen next. So it could be looked at as creating a future also.

[Judith Watson]

Ed would you like to exchange scene 2 feedback. Best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Ed, thank you so much for your feedback. Will work on my dialogue. Here are my thoughts on your scene which I enjoyed very much.

Hi Ed,

I really like your script. I hope some of this feedback is useful. Best, Judith

Here are my thoughts:

I think you showed the following traits throughout the scene for the characters: for John: loner, loyalty, distrust, and for Nick: confident, conniving.

TRAITS – examples would be –

John – loner trait came through with his unfriendliness and avoiding others. Also, when he says, “My name is not important.”

Loner – He inserts his ear buds.

Loyalty – Nick mentions that John is loyal in dialogue.

Nick –

Conniving – he secretly applies a device over the door. And confidence when he says, “we are going to play, What’s My Line.” And when he’s sure that he got the right name. I got the impression that if it wasn’t right, he will get John later.

INTEREST TECHNIQUES –

Suspense: why are they playing What’s My Line, I wondered. Surprise when John holds Nick out the door and this also was fear.

Hope: with the introduction of the red hat signal.

[Judith Watson]

Review of George’s QE2, 2, rewrite

Hi George, I think you did a good job on this scene. I saw many of the things we were suppose to include.

TRAITS –

JOHN – I saw daring, distrustful, loyal, and loner

Examples for these: Daring: John barges into Watt’s office even when he’s told Fallon isn’t there. He doesn’t know what is on the other side of the door.

Loyal: “Fallon’s the only director the Faction has ever had. He created it. He’d sooner die than retire.”

Distrustful: John ignores Nick offer to take the painting. And he says, “He loved art.” Subtext, why would he leave these behind.

Loner: was implied throughout and in the set up when he was a military expert.

NICK – I saw confident, conniving, and giving

Giving: he was nice to his receptionist

Conniving: his politeness is really trying to connive John.

Confident: he doesn’t overreact when John comes barging into the office.

I didn’t see rebelliousness in this scene on the part of Nick.

INTEREST TECHNIQUES –

You used suspense, mislead/reveal, betrayal, and hope and fear. We were concerned about John’s safety throughout, and when Nick touches his glock.

I think you can use a better transition when you talk about the paintings. It seems to come out of nowhere. You do mention them when John enters, and maybe John could respond to them in some way, a look or something to Foreshadow their importance.

Best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi George, Would you be willing to review my rewrite of scene 2 of QE2? best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Kristina,

Here are my thoughts. Keep up the good work. Best, Judith

TRAITS:

Nick – saw his confident trait when he said, “Unless you prefer to fight with bare hands? Yes, why not? Come on, old man!”

However, when he sobs and cries and falls apart, this is quite a twist. I’m not sure this would fit the period of time 1770 for a man to fall apart like this. Just something to think about.

He also shows confidence when he says, “Afraid of an apple!” And it is conniving in that he’s trying to get him to fight.

Conniving – Nick’s sobbing could be a conniving trick in trying to get John to shoot him.

I didn’t see the rebelliousness.

John – distrustful trait showed up when he says, “Are you one of these brash young men who believes he’ll never die?” Also, distrust shows up when John suspects he’s with the men trying to throw him out of the council.

John did get Nick to show his worst side by getting him to sob. That was a worst side.

INTEREST TECHNIQUES –

I wanted to find out why the duel which I thought was suspenseful. There was a major twist at the end when John takes Nick for a drink instead of killing him. And I felt John changed radically when he turned out to forgive Nick.

[Judith Watson]

Hi Kristina, Would you be willing to review my draft 2 of my scene. Best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Ed, Would you be willing to review the rewrite of QE2 scene 2? best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Here’s my review of scene 2 – best, Judith

Judith’s review of George’s Scene Draft #1 of QE2

Hi George, yes this website seems like it’s really messed up. That aside, thank you for letting me read your scene. I apologize for the late return of my review, but I was sick a couple of days.

Scene was very interesting. I saw the good use of the interest techniques like the following:

Mislead/reveal; hope/fear; suspense; surprise; and betrayal.

For example, Nick puts his hand on the Glock strapped beneath the desktop, suspense.

Betrayal when John tells the secretary to leave. I was under the impression John and Nick had come to an agreement.

TRAITS

Use of traits that I saw were: John – daring, breaking into Nick’s office; distrust – “who are you and where is Fallon?” Again, distrust – “He’d sooner die than retire.”

Loner: “I don’t have any buddies.”

For Nick: conniving – Nick presses his lips together, forcing a smile and then says, “Well, this is obviously some sort of mix-up. Perhaps someone is playing a practical joke on you?”

“Nicolas Reginald Watt the third, but you can call me Nick.”, shows confidence. And confidence and conniving in saying, “But I assure you, Mr. Fallon didn’t send that.”

All in all, I think you did a good job. The only place that was confusing for me was when he drew his attention to the paintings. Perhaps clarifying that would help.

Best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi George, know how you feel. If you are willing to send me you email address, my is cinemaself1@aol.com, I’ll email my review of your scene and I’d appreciate it if you the same for mine. best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Ed, How about emailing our scene reviews to each other. I’m having trouble getting things posted. best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi Maureen, Yes, let’s exchange feedback. How about doing it email and then we don’t have to worry about finding here on the website. I’m having trouble getting use to all the places things are found. My email address is cinemaself1@aol.com. Please feel free to send me your scene. best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

How Ed, Want to exchange our second scenes? best, Judith

[Judith Watson]

Hi George,

I enjoyed your scene and the good use of character traits, especially on Robert. I enjoyed him very much. His smoothness was evident all through the scene when his confidence showed up. For example, when Trent was flashing a gun at him (Trent’s aggressive trait and needy) Robert says, “Easy now, you don’t want to get your hairs out of order.”

Also, the interest techniques were evident: surprise/twist at the end when Robert is Mr. Dragon; you used mislead/reveal when we thought Robert was a great, funny, guy and pow he was Mr. Dragon.

Trent’s meticulous trait was set up in the narrative when you he entered and you described his dress and cane. His aggressive trait showed throughout. For example, “Shut the fuck up, Bobby. The odds of you getting shot tonight just went up.”

Not seeing any real things to consider improving, except maybe, the scene is long and you could look for some places to trim.

I think you are getting traits and interest techniques. Keep up the good work. best, Judith