[Julie Scorziell]

WHAT I LEARNED:

I learned that it’s okay to have a final scene that looks back and also looks forward, reassuring the audience that everything will be okay with the main character as he moves into eternity and that the audience will be okay when they reach the same point in their life. The scene starts with a closeup of the dead body and ends with a far-off overhead shot of the town and countryside.

[Julie Scorziell]

SCENE ANALYSIS – RESOLUTION: AMERICAN BEAUTY

ARC: The scene starts with a visual of a person lying on the floor, a bullet wound in the forehead pouring out blood. While not actively violent (although the gunshot is heard three times), it begins as a violent scene. The scene ends peacefully with the deceased discussing all the beauty of the world.

SITUATION: The deceased is talking about having his whole life pass before his eyes.

CONFLICT: Not so much except what the deceased is saying about death and the beauty of life seems to conflict with what the audience might think about death.

MOVING THE STORY FORWARD: Various other people are shown responding to the gunshot

SETUPS/PAYOFFS: Setup: Gun missing on wall. Payoff: Wife putting purse which seems to have gun in laundry basket.

HOW DOES THIS BRING THE MOVIE TO CONCLUSION? Reveals the protagonist is dead.

HOW DOES THIS SHOW THE NEW STATUS QUO? It shows everyone who is still alive and that life must go forward without their loved one.

HOW IS IT A SATISFYING ENDING? It’s been too long since I watched the movie to remember, but I feel that on some level justice is delivered to the protagonist.

DELIVERING CHARACTER? His final words talk about all the beauty in the world and how he needs to remember not to try to hold onto it, but to let it pass through him. So much beauty, his heart swells up. It also shows us that in his final words, he is telling the audience not to worry.

INTERESTING DIALOGUE, ESPECIALLY THE LAST LINE OF THE MOVIE:

“You have no idea what I’m talking about I’m sure. But don’t worry, you will someday.”

In his final words, the deceased is not talking about how horrible it was that he was shot. Rather, he talks about how much beauty there is in the world and in his life. He tries to reassure the reader that one day they’ll understand this and that death is nothing to be feared.

[Julie Scorziell]

With every scene I watch, I’m learning that each scene is it’s own distinct unit. If I write each scene using the techniques Hal talked about in the scene mastery class, my writing will improve a thousand fold. I’m also learning that the scenes that have the most impact are the ones where the characters are telling (their) truth and are doing it in a passionate, deeply felt way. They are allowing themselves to show and feel their emotions. Audiences want to see characters say things that they might want to say but never would. This makes writing fun and I need to take the restrictions off myself and try to write at a deeper, truer level.

[Julie Scorziell]

SCENE ANALYSIS: A FEW GOOD MEN COURTROOM SCENE

The scene starts with Jack Nicholson ready to step down from the witness stand. He is in control of the courtroom, instructing everyone to call him Sir or Colonel because he’s earned it, knowing that he won’t be convicted. Attorney Tom Cruise tells him he is not yet dismissed and he needs to get back in the chair. Cruise then leads Nicholson into a corner with his interrogation and gets Nicholson to admit he ordered the Code Red. Nicholson is arrested and seems confused by what is going on. The writing is perfection and the acting is top-notch with both actors bringing their A game. The emotions are real.

Tension rises as the anger between the two characters grows. Both are completely convinced about the truth and value of their respective positions which are diametrically opposed. As Nicholson reveals more truths about what it takes to defend the nation so people like Cruise can sleep at night, the scene becomes more tense and intriguing. “You can’t handle the truth,” is a classic line. The entire scene ends with a dilemma for Nicholson — either admit his men disregarded him and his order or that he gave the order. The final twist occurs when Nicholson admits that he did give the order.

Everything deescalates then as Kevin Bacon reads Nicholson his rights and the military police arrest him. The audience almost feels sorry for Nicholson who seems confused that this could be happening to him when he truly believes his actions were to protect the nation.

[Julie Scorziell]

What I learned is that scenes are dramatic and turning point scenes need to have a lot of drama in them. Here, Annie the protagonist said and did things that she could not undo. She acted in the worst sort of ways. I think my characters are too calm and dignified a lot of the time and it would make for a much better story if they let their thoughts and emotions flow more freely.

[Julie Scorziell]

I watched the Bridesmaid turning point scene and it was awesome!

Annie and Lillian have been friends forever, but Helen has recently replaced Annie as Lillian’s maid of honor. Annie decides to be a good sport and go to the shower but when Helen gives Lillian a gift to Paris, Annie can’t control her jealous, angry emotions. They first show on her face, then she begins shouting at Lillian, and finally, she goes outside to the over-decorated backyard and starts destroying everything. Lillian comes out and the two have a terrible argument. Annie finally screams that she won’t bother Lillian anymore and heads to the exit. Lillian replies in kind, “Then don’t even bother coming to my wedding.” With that, Annie leaves.

There is no way for Annie to turn back from what’s happen. She has lost her life-long best friend to Helen and her money. Worse yet, she’s completely embarrassed herself in front of the other bridesmaids and guests.

[Julie Scorziell]

I’m not seeing three scenes posted for Bridesmaids, just the one from the bridal shower. Am I missing something?

[Julie Scorziell]

I learned that this scene felt almost exactly the opposite of the opening scene in The Dark Night. There, a fight between evil v. good started right away with lives in the balance. Here, a boy’s life is in the balance as well, but it’s unclear that the fight lies between evil v. good. Instead, the characters and story is much more nuanced and will take time to unravel. Important to note again, though, in both, someone’s life is at stake.

Someone once told me something or someone always has to die in a story, whether it’s literally, or a symbolic or figurative death. In my story, there is sort of a death, but I need to make it more clear so that the stakes are raised. I also need to be more definitive about the inciting incident and when the journey begins.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Julie Scorziell.

[Julie Scorziell]

A. BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS

1. SCENE ARC

The scene starts with a count of jurors voting guilty. Seems like it will be a quick vote until Juror 8 refuses to go with the group. “There’s always one.” Now the jurors start to get agitated with Juror 8 who wants to talk. The other’s don’t want to talk, seem to have prejudged the accused. In the middle of the discussion, Juror 8 raises the stakes by saying they’re voting to take someone’s life in 5 minutes. An argument breaks out over how long they should have to “sit.” Juror 8 gives the kid’s background story, time in an orphanage, a wild angry kid, hit on the head once a day, etc. Then other arguments ensue before they decide to go around the table and talk about why they voted guilty.

2. SITUATION

Jury deliberations in a closed room after a trial about an 18 year old son stabbing his father.

3. CONFLICT

At first, between the Juror 8 who votes not guilty and the 11 guilty jurors, but then other conflicts begin breaking out over time to spend deliberating, are there born liars, what they owe the accused, etc.

4. MOVING THE STORY FORWARD

Going around the table with each man explaining why he voted as he did ultimately moves the group closer to a decision and a better understanding of each man.

5. ENTERTAINMENT VALUE

This is not an action movie, rather a philosophical/thinking/discussion movie.

What’s interesting is how the different jurors think and how someone could decide to send an 18 year old boy to his death in five minutes.

6. SETUPS/PAYOFFS

7. INVITATION TO THE JOURNEY

I’m not sure exactly who is going on this journey. Is it the 11 men who voted guilty? Or the one man who voted not-guilty? Or all of them? Or the justice system?

B. INTRO TO WORLD (Don’t explain, put reader into it)

n/a

C. INTRO TO LEAD CHARACTER

n/a

D. HEIGHTENING THE SCENE

1. Challenging Situation

One man against 11 who want to give the verdict and go to the ball game

2. Intrigue

n/a

3. Interesting Action

n/a

4. Intriguing Dialogue

Seems to be some racial overtones, when the juror says “you can’t trust any of them,” to whom is he referring?

What kind of duty do we owe to other people? Is a fair trial and fast decision enough?

5. Tone

Serious and thoughtful

6. Lures Reader into the Story

Audience wants to know more about the boy, what happened at trial, did the dad die? What type of people would vote so quickly to send the boy to his death.

7. Twist at the Conclusion of the Scene

8. Something inside the character needs to go on the journey

If it’s the 11 men who need to go on the journey, it seems like they need to learn there is more to sending a man to his death than just feeling like he’s guilty, listening to their gut, or relying on stereotypes. The scene also shows the power of one man to slow down and possibly change the direction of a group.

[Julie Scorziell]

I learned to jump right in, take off the gloves and create a scene that shows the true nature of the character from the get-go. Also helpful to have a sense of good v. evil/bad right away and someone whose very existence is threatened by the bad.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Julie Scorziell.

[Julie Scorziell]

A. BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS

1. SCENE ARC

Opening with clowns at the window reminiscent of Mission Impossible gone bad

Start with two clown criminals, add two more, add innocent people at the bank, and then the bank manager — number of people increases in scene

Stakes increase as innocent bystanders taken by clowns and left to wonder what will happen to them — will they be abducted, will bomb explode in mouth, will they be shot?

Stakes increase as clowns begin to kill each other execution style – what is going on? Mayhem grows with each killing

Scene climaxes when bank manager appears, says do they know who they’re robbing from? They’ll be dead. Then aims high power gun and begins shooting, but de-escalates when he runs out of bullets

Money is gathered into duffel bags, foreshadowing happens when clown says they should have brought a bigger car

School bus backs in, all criminals are executed except one, bank manager speaks out — where is the honor? Left with bomb in his mouth

Now one criminal leaves alone with all the money, takes off his mask, it’s The Joker

2. SITUATION

Bank robbery mayhem, no loyalty among criminals

Interestingly, no innocent bystanders are shot

Audience relates to bystanders

3. CONFLICT

Who is the conflict between?

Initially it seems to be between clowns and customers

But, when bank manager comes out shooting, another level of conflict is introduced — now two sets of criminals, different levels of bad guys

The Joker is the worst of the worst

Where are the good guys? The police?

4. MOVING THE STORY FORWARD

As each part of the bank robbery progresses, the story moves forward and tension increases. Who will get out alive? Will the police show up? What else will this villain do?

5. ENTERTAINMENT VALUE

We’re sitting on the edge of our seats from the very start knowing something bad is going to go down

6. SETUPS/PAYOFFS – ???

B. INTRO TO WORLD (Don’t explain, put reader into it)

A dystopian world of mayhem where no one knows what awful thing will happen next

All bad guys and innocents — where are the good guys?

Shot in grayscale and red accents w/ ominous music

C. INTRO TO LEAD CHARACTER

Movie opens with Antagonist instead of Protagonist and establishes he is the worst of the worst, an evil psychopath

The clowns are talking about the Joker not realizing he’s there – they say he’s smart, planned the heist, as crazy as they say, wears face paint to scare people

The Joker himself admits he’s strange

D. HEIGHTENING THE SCENE

1. Challenging Situation

Life or death dystopian situation governed by madmen w/ no remorse re killing

2. Intrigue

Who are the clowns? Why are they robbing the bank? Why this bank?

Who is the bank manager? Why does he keep such a large gun at his desk?

Will the police show up? Will the criminals get away with this?

3. Interesting Action

The zip line

The wired bank vault

The school bus crashing into the bank at the end

4. Intriguing Dialogue

The bank manager “Do you have any idea who you’re stealing from? You and your friends are dead.” Also asks what Joker believes in, bemoaning no honor between criminals

The Joker twisting the saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” to “what doesn’t kill you makes you stranger”

5. Tone

Very dark, black white and red

Expressions on clowns faces = disturbing

6. Lures Reader into the Story

Why does the alarm go to a private number? Who is at that number?

What is going to happen in a world ruled by criminals?

7. Twist at the Conclusion of the Scene

A school bus driven by yet another clown, what happened to innocent children?

What doesn’t kill you makes you stranger

[Julie Scorziell]

Hi Everyone,

My name is Julie Scorziell and I’m working on my second fiction novel.

I’ve taken Screenwriting U classes in the past and love the practical strategies I learn here. For this class, I’m hoping to learn how to write better scenes, especially by adding more layers.

I live in Lake Arrowhead, CA and we just survived our first official blizzard. One blizzard is enough for my entire life!

Looking forward to meeting all of you! 🙂

[Julie Scorziell]

Julie Scorziell I agree to the terms of this release form

[Julie Scorziell]

I’m Julie. I agree to the terms of this release form as shown below.

[Julie Scorziell]

My name is Julie. I haven’t written any scripts. I have written one novel and have another in progress. I’ve taken Hal’s classes before and find them very helpful. I’m looking forward to writing a screenplay and think it will help me with my book, the character’s journey, and the plot turning points. I live in Lake Arrowhead, CA, a small mountain town where it feels like everybody knows everybody, especially if you’ve lived here as long as I have. We currently have a mountain lion frequenting our neighborhood.

[Julie Scorziell]

Make sure you log into the Start Course screen/box under Your Courses. The discussion forum doesn’t have everything.

[Julie Scorziell]

I’m not seeing the scenes posted either and am wondering if I’m missing the instruction component as well?