KAREN GRIFFIN
Forum Replies Created
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INT. LIVING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON
A GIRL, five years old, hides on the floor next to a couch of a small Living Room in the dark. She has messy hair and wears a birght, lime green dress with a stain on it.
FEMALE (V.O.)
I once had a dream.
She looks around the side of the couch at the kitchen. LIght hits her face.
INT. KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS)
A FEW ADULTS sits at a kitchen table, engaged in each other’s company.
INT. LVING ROOM – LATE AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS)
A SNAKE slithers from underneath the couch and heads towards the little girl.
FEMALE (V.O.)
Gotta kill the snake.
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Act One
1. INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Piper Voice Over. “I once had a dream…” An upkept little girl with messy hair and dirty clothes sits on the floor with a blank look on her face. A snake appears from the darkness and heads towards the little girl. Piper wakes up from her dream. (E9)
2. EXT. HALL PARKING LOT – LATE EVENING
Joel looks at the people walking into the hall. He calls Piper, who’s working at her office. They talk about the social pain they experienced as children growing up there especially Corey and Mixie. Piper notes how those experiences still affect her today. (E7)
3. INT. PIPER’S OFFICE – EARLY EVENING
Piper watches a group of her co-workers walk past her with their purses laughing and talking about going to dinner. No one asks Piper to come along. Piper looks depressed. (E8)
4. INT. HALL- NIGHT
Inside the hall, Corey and Mixie instigate gossip. They bring up others’ mistakes or oddities and elaborate on them negatively. They really turn up the heat with their trash talk. The doorman opens the doors and snakes that no one sees enters into the hall and slithers. People continue to talk as if no snakes are there. (E8)
5. INT. HALL – NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Corey bumps into Joel. Corey calls Joel and freak and Joel tells Corey that he can’t handle outside the box. (E8)
6. INT. PIPER’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Piper looks at pictures of Joel with his new car that he sent to her on her phone. Her mom calls her and tells her that she sent an airline ticket to her to come home. Her mom stresses that Joel is here. Piper is apprehensive even though Joel is there. (E9)
7. INT. HALL – NIGHT
Gossip about people continues. Corey and Mixie verbally tear Joel to pieces. Snakes begin to circle individuals. Snakes circle Joel. (E10)
8. INT. HALL – NIGHT
Corey talks about a gadget he created that can start and stop anything by sending an electric current to enable or disable the power. (E4)
9. EXT. HALL PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Joel sends Piper a text saying that he no longer wants to be her friend; he wants to be her boyfriend. (E9)
10. INT. PIPER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Piper gets the text and tries to call Joel. She leaves him a message saying that she is going there. She goes to her closet and pulls out her suitcase to pack for her trip home. A Guardian Angel card falls from her closet. She picks up the card and prays it sincerely for help with returning to her hometown. The sun gets bright and a silhouette hand touches Piper on the arm. Piper scratches her arm but sees nothing when she looks at to what is making her itch. (E 10)
11. EXT. BOURG-LAROSE HWY – NIGHT
A car stops on a dark road. A person whom the snakes circled gets killed by a small group of people headed by Corey and Mixie. This happens a few times in the same night. The cars of the killed people get put into a canal. (E8)
Act Two
1. INT. PLANE – MORNING
Piper gets on a plane. A woman makes it a point to smile and wave at Piper. (e2)
2. INT. STORE – AFTERNOON
Piper gets home. She tries to be inconspicuous as she stops at a gas station to get a drink. The same woman on the plane calls her name. She asks Piper for her view on the town. She says her name is Alessia. (E5)
3. INT. STORE – AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS)
Mixie walks in the store and sees Piper. Mixie tells the person she is with that she wants to dog somebody as she looks at Piper. Piper passes Mixie and Mixie says hello rudely. Alessia looks at Mixie as if something is wrong with her. Piper cowers away from the scene. Alessia asks Piper why she lets people walk all over her like that. Piper doesn’t have an answer. Alessia looks at Piper and tells her that she feels like an outsider, too. Piper and Alessia become friends quickly. Alessia leaves with Piper from the store. (E7)
4. INT. PIPER’S PARENTS HOME – AFTERNOON
Piper calls and leaves Joel a message. She says that she wants to date, too. (E9)
5. EXT. BANK OF CANAL – AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS)
Piper sees Joel’s car being pulled out of the canal. She has a public breakdown. Alessia is right there by her side. People begin to chat about Piper’s reaction. Piper begins to say that Joel should have never come here. This is a cruel place. (E10)
6. EXT. BANK OF CANAL – AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS)
Corey overhears a conversation validating Piper’s claim. He walks up to the group and turns the conversation around to get the attention off of Mixie and him. (E4)
7. INT. PIPER’S BEDROOM AT PIPER’S PARENTS’ HOME – EVENING
Piper tells Alessia about the crap that she went through here. She tells Alessia how she wants this to stop. She’s tired of being walked all over and dealing with the gossip. Alessia tells Piper that the first thing she should do is show the world how beautiful she is by serving at a shelter. Piper is angry and says that won’t help. (E5)
8. EXT. STREET – EVENING
Piper looks everyone else on the street. Alessia tells Piper not to do anything bad. Do the shelter. (E1)
9. INT. PIPER’S PARENTS’ KITCHEN – MORNING
A list of the people that have died are in the morning paper. Piper’s dad points out that twelve people have died on the Houma shortcut. Piper looks at Alessia and nods. Shelter. (E1)
10. INT. SHELTER – MORNING
Alessia walks into a shelter with Piper. Alessia reminds Piper that the first defense is to show everyone that she is beautiful. (E2)
11. INT. CAR – AFTERNOON
Piper tells Alessia that she feels better and is less angry. Piper gains confidence. (E1)
ACT THREE
1. INT. PIPER’S PARENTS’ LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Piper attends a tea party. She sits through a few minutes of the group and leaves. She feels sick. The trash talk made her sick. (E2)
2. INT. CAR, BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Alessia tells Piper things are about to get really hard. Piper asks Alessia how she knows this. Alessia says something about to light, to guard, to rule, to guide…Piper thinks for a moment. Alessia’s eyes flash. (E4)
3. INT – BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Piper’s car breaks down. Piper looks at Alessia and asks who she is. Alessia tells Piper that she’s her Guardian Angel. (E5)
4. EXT. – BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Corey and Mixie appear from the bushes with other people. They circle the car. The snakes appear and still no one sees them. (E10)
5. INT. – CAR – NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Alessia tells Piper stay still for a moment. Alessia exists the car. Alessia looses her human flesh and her true nature is revealed. The snakes back away. (E10)
6. EXT – BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT(CONTINUOUS)
Piper has a flashback to the Guardian Angel prayer. She watches this angel push back the snakes and the bad guys. Alessia looks at Piper and nods for her to exist the car. (E10)
7. EXT – BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Piper looks at Corey, Mixie and everyone else. She tells them their mouths have destroyed people. Because of the things that they have said, hearts have been broken, people have been beaten and killed…It destroys love. It brings on loneliness. (E5)
8. EXT-BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT
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Piper
Piper, early 30s, sits in her small office. It’s quiet in her office as she is consumed by the papers before her on her desk.
Her office door has a small crack so that she doesn’t see much of what is happening in the hallway and no one really sees her.
All of a sudden, laughing and socializing break out into the hall interrupts her. She looks out the small crack in her door and tries to see if she can see what is going on in the hall. She gets up, walks to her office door, puts her hand on the doorknob, hesitates…then turns around and goes back to her chair.
The light above her flickers.
She’s afraid of being looked at unfavorably. She deeply feels unlovable. She’s stuck in a painful place and wants to get out of it .
Joel
Rocker type. He’s an outsider. His dress is clearly different from the attendees of the party.
He used to live in a small town in Louisiana; however, his ‘New York’ license plate means that he’s left town. But why?
He doesn’t say ‘Hello’ to anyone at the party. In fact, he avoids any type of contact with the local folks.
He loves his job and is there to do a job. He has a new life, and he expresses this with his new Maxima.
Mixie
She prances through the party hall parking lot like she owns the place, and no one challenges her rulership. She’s pretty, thin and acts like a superstar.
Upon entering the hall, a couple of men rush to open the door for her. She gives them her big smile.
She never lets up because she needs to feel important…needs to feel like she’s better than the rest.
She enjoys putting others down to make herself look better. She only listens to other people so that she can gossip about them later. She’s plastic. People seem to be attracted to her popularity so they can look good, too; but, no one has a real relationship with her, not even her boyfriend Corey.
Corey
He manufactures confidence on the outside because he’s afraid of looking bad, looking like a failure. He thinks he too good for certain people and his actions let these people know that he thinks they are trash. He’s afraid to be next to people he doesn’t think is worthy of him. He’s outstanding at manipulating a conversation off of him and onto someone else…someone’s else’s faults…because it makes him feel better about himself.
Corey walks looks at two groups of people at the party – a poor-looking group and a rich-looking group. He approaches the rich-looking group and moves away from the poor people as much as possible.
An interestingly-dressed-looking woman accidentally bumps into him, and he makes a horrified face at her and moves quickly away from her. Once he returns to his group, he says all kinds of nasty things about her.
Alessia
Piper’s Guardian Angel in a human body because Angels don’t have bodies. They are pure spirt in reality. She’s peaceful. She’s not afraid of anything or anyone. She speaks truth all of the time to help Piper. She can see the snakes no one else sees and she says what she has to say to them and that’s it . She immediately responds to Piper’s prayer request for her. She knows Piper’s pain. She loves Piper to death.
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Piper
1. Piper dreams of a unkept little girl who has a snake heading for her.
2. Piper wakes up from a nap
3. Piper walks into her office, her shoes clanking the floors. A co-worker complains loudly in front of the whole office about Piper’s walking in the hall.
4. Joel calls Piper. He tells her he is in their hometown. They talk about all of the hurtful things down to them brought on by peers…they talk about how the comments made their lives hard to live there.
5. Piper watches her co-workers leave in a group together. She tells Joel that she’s still left out of things.
6. Joel tells Piper that he’s going to go see her after his gig there. He doesn’t want to be her best friend anymore; he wants to be her boyfriend.
7. Piper gets a text from mom saying that she sent her an airplane ticket to come home. She’s reluctant but Joel’s there; so, she decides to go.
8. She goes to her closet and pulls down a suite case. A prayer card falls from her closet. She reads it. It’s the Guardian Angel prayer. She looks to Heaven and says she means it.
9. Sun gets bright. Silhouette hand touches her arm. Piper scratches her arm. Sees nothing on it or near her.
10. A woman smiles and waves at Piper. Piper waves back.
11. Piper gets home. She stops at a store to get a drink. Woman stops there, too. She calls Piper’s name. She says her name is Alessia. She asks Piper about the town; says she needs kind of a tour guide. Piper is brief. Alessia says that she can tell Piper is uneasy about this place…that she understands what it’s like to be an outsider. They become fast friends.
12. Piper runs into Mixie. Mixie’s demeanor is gloating and condescending towards Piper. Piper has a tough time being in Mixie’s presence but responds politely, which is undeserving for Mixie. Alessia notes Piper’s behavior.
13. Piper calls Joel. No answer. She’s frustrated she can’t talk to Joel.
14. Piper tries to keep herself hidden from everyone. She notices everyone walking towards the Intracoastal Canal. Piper doesn’t want to go. Alessia says that what happening down there is unavoidable.
15. They walk to the canal. Piper tries to be as inconspicuous as possible.
16. Mixie tells Corey that Piper is there. She whispers something into Corey’s ear. Corey checks out Piper a little. Piper sees all of this.
17. Mixie gives a big ‘hi’ to someone near Piper totally ignoring Piper’s presence.
18. Joel’s car is pulled out of the canal. Piper breaks down in tears and grief in front of everyone. All eyes turn to her.
19. Murmuring occurs. Piper sees this. She tells Alessia that she wants to leave.
20. In Piper’s bedroom at her parents’ home, Piper tells Alessia that she wants to leave. Alessia asks Piper why she wants to leave. Piper says because no one likes her here and she doesn’t want to hear what anyone has to say about her or Joel and her. They are fake. She doesn’t trust anyone. The great divide. They threw Piper away a long time ago. Piper wants to run away.
21. Alessia acknowledges Piper’s pain. Alessia asks Piper what she really wants. Piper confesses that she wants to be loved, authentically. She wants to be valuable. She wants this dark cloud to move from her.
22. Alessia tells Piper that she will take her to a place where Piper will get love and be very valuable. They go to a shelter.
23. Alessia tells Piper that things are not going well for these people in the shelter; but a shelter is here because these people matter.
24. Piper talks to a person going through a rough patch but not giving up.
25. Piper attends a tea party. She sits with a group of women. They begin to gossip. Piper walks out.
26. Piper angrily walks to her car. Alessia joins her. Alessia tells Piper that things are about to get heavy. Piper asks how she knows this. Alessia says to light, to guard, to rule, to guide. Piper is puzzled.
27. Piper and Alessia are riding when Corey stands out in the road.
28. Alessia says that she will handle this and she gets out of the car. Piper waits a minute, and she gets out of the car.
29. Piper watches others come out of the bushes of the Houma shortcut, including Mixie.
30. Corey asks Piper why is she here. Piper asks Corey the same question.
31. Piper tells everyone that they are nasty. They do awful things.
Corey
1. Corey enters from the darkness of the night.
2. He sees two groups of people – one poor, the other rich. He chooses to join the rich.
3. He instigates bad-mouthing, gossip of a people at the party. He chest puffs up.
4. He bumps into a strange person and makes an ugly face at her.
5. Mixie come and flaunts herself around him.
6. He brags about creating a device that can start and stop devices, including cars.
7. He runs into Joel and makes a snotty comment to him. Joel says, ‘thank you, not today’, smirks and ignores Corey.
8. Corey talks about Joel nonstop…talks about how weird Joel was in high school and says whatever he thinks about Joel to drag him down.
9. He with others in the gossip/bad-mouthing group meet a couple of people that they were bad-mouthing on the Houma Shortcut and beat them to death.
10. Everyone that was gossiped about, and their dignity destroyed, was killed. They sit in their cars, dead, and their cars are dumped into the canal.
11. Joel’s car dies on the Houma Shortcut. The group watches Corey kills him with an axe.
12. Joel’s car is dumped in the canal.
13. A car is being pulled out of the canal…it was discovered by a fisherman’s sonor. Corey stands with Mixie and friends at the bank of the canal. He remains calm with them. He sees Piper and checks her out while holding onto Mixie.
14. As the car is being pulled out, he watches Piper’s reactions. He immediately calls Piper crazy and throws as much attention on her being wacky and messed up so that the car isn’t noticed.
15. He overhears a couple of people talking bad about him. He confronts them and they discount his concerns. Mixie tries to comfort him.
16. He keeps everyone focused on Piper by saying nasty things to her as she passes him on the street. He attracts a lot of drama…negative stuff. It makes him a little sick.
17. His little cousin comes to see him. She’s mentally handicapped and she loves Corey. Someone from his killing squad tells him that her friend aborted her baby because of that. Corey is appalled and disgusted.
18. He sees Piper as his little cousin tells him that people are mean to her.
19. Piper confronts him on the Houma Shortcut after her car stops.
20. Alessia gets his blinders removed and he sees all of the spiritual snakes.
21. The snakes try to attack him, and he runs away. They chase him.
22. He runs into a church and begs to see a Priest.
23. He confesses the murders and the bad-mouthing.
24. He apologizes to Piper. Piper asks him why he keeps looking at her. He kisses her.
Joel
1. Joel looks around and watches everyone dressed up in their Sunday best go inside the hall. He’s in a t-shirt and faded jeans with shaggy hair. He looks the rocker type.
2. He makes a call to Piper to tell her that he’s home. They reminisce about the pain they had at the hands of the people in the town.
3. He tells Piper that he sees Corey and Mixie.
4. Joel talks about how he misses Piper, and she reciprocates. He asks Piper why they didn’t go any further than dating. He says that he wants to be her boyfriend.
5. His band member waves at him to come inside. He tells Piper that he will call her back after the show.
6. Inside, he tries to avoid contact with the crowd as he makes his way to the stage.
7. He runs into Corey. At first, he freezes. Corey makes a snotty remark. Joel says, ‘thank you, not today’, smirks and ignores Corey.
8. Snakes that no one sees circle him.
9. Concert over. He sends Piper pictures of his new car. New York license plate.
10. He calls Piper. Piper says her mom sent her an airline ticket to come home. Joel is excited because he gets to see Piper. This will make their new relationship official.
11. Joel’s car stops on the Houma Shortcut. Corey, Mixie and others surround him.
12. Corey kills Joel with an axe.
13. Corey disposes Joel’s car with Joel’s body in it in the canal.
Mixie
1. Mixie walks up to Corey and embraces him at the party. She’s just blah. Not too thrilled about being there.
2. She joins in the bad-mouthing, gossip with Corey and others in the group.
3. A person at the party tells Mixie a piece of juicy gossip. Mixie adds her own embellishment on the news. Mixie gets excited the whole time she’s talking about this.
4. Mixie return to Corey at the party with an upbeat mood. Corey comments on how her mood has changed.
5. Mixie runs into Piper at a convenience store. She gloats and puts down Piper with her greeting to Piper.
6. Mixie hears Alessia’s response of her. Mixie fires back with a comment Piper’s past as Piper and Alessia walk out of the door.
7. Mixie sees Piper and Alessia near the canal. Mixie whispers something about Piper in Corey’s ear.
8. She makes a comment about Piper’s breakdown to the group around her, supporting Corey’s verbal assault.
9. A few people make shocking faces at Mixie. She makes the same face at them.
10. She asks someone hear her how she is doing with her project. The person gives her a one-word, vague answer then quickly leaves.
11. Mixie overhears people talking about her but they leave to quickly for her to say something back to them.
12. She comes out of the bushes with others to beat and kill Piper.
13. Alessia gets her blinders removed and she sees all of the spiritual snakes.
14. The snakes bite her and squeeze her. She can’t get away. She’s pulled down into hell.
Guardian Angel – Alessia
1. Sun light gets bright after Alessia says Guardian Angel prayer. A silhouette hand touches Piper on the arm.
2. In a body, the Guardian Angel smiles and waves at Piper in the Airport.
3. Guardian Angel sits next to Piper on the plane. Light flashes in Guardian Angel’s eyes without anyone seeing this. She sees a name on the book that Piper has in her lap and says her name is Alessia (which mean defender, protector, helper).
4. Alessia brings up the Angels’ topic. She schools Piper on some basics about angels.
5. She watches Piper get disrespected by Mixie. She tells Piper that it’s awful Mixie has to act nasty like that to her.
6. Mixie says something condescending to Piper as Piper and Leela walk out of the door.
7. The snakes no one sees appear. Alessia sees them and steps in front of Piper, causing them to quickly flee.
8. Alessia tells Piper she understands the whole being on the outside of the group means. Piper and Alessia become fast friends.
9. Alessia tells Piper that what’s going on at the canal looks bad. Piper can’t avoid it.
10. At the bank of the canal, Alessia helps Piper be as hidden as possible.
11. When Joel’s car is pulled out of the canal, Alessia comforts Piper when she breaks down at this event. She sees the snakes head towards Piper again and stops them in their tracks.
12. She listens to Piper go on about how she hates the town. Alessia validates Piper’s feelings. Again, Alessia stops the snakes.
13. Alessia tells Piper that her value comes from God and not man.
14. Alessia convinces Piper that she must serve at a shelter. This will help her greatly.
15. Both ladies serve at the shelter. Alessia watches Piper relax and connect.
16. Alessia joins Piper on a ride. She tells Piper that trouble is up ahead. Piper asks how she knows. Alessia starts reciting the Guardian Prayer. She looks at Piper and says that she asked for help from her Guardian Angel.
17. Piper’s car breaks down on the Houma Shortcut and Corey appears. Alessia tells Piper to stay in the car while she gets out. Piper doesn’t listen.
18. Alessa looses her human body and exposes her light as well as removing the blinds so that everyone there can see all of the snakes that they have invited. She explains that their bad words have invited evil.
19. Alessa blocks the snakes from Piper again and get Piper out of the situation by running from the scene.
20. Piper, alone, says the Guardian Angel prayer as she takes a walk. The Guardian Angel’s silhouette walks with Piper.
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Red Jam on Your Face – Piper’s Journey
1. Piper dreams of a unkept little girl who has a snake heading for her.
2. Piper wakes up from a nap
3. Piper walks into her office, her shoes clanking the floors. A co-worker complains loudly in front of the whole office about Piper’s walking in the hall.
4. Joel calls Piper. He tells her he is in their hometown. They talk about all of the hurtful things down to them brought on by peers…they talk about how the comments made their lives hard to live there.
5. Piper watches her co-workers leave in a group together. She tells Joel that she’s still left out of things.
6. Joel tells Piper that he’s going to go see her after his gig there. He doesn’t want to be her best friend anymore; he wants to be her boyfriend.
7. Piper gets a text from mom saying that she sent her an airplane ticket to come home. She’s reluctant but Joel’s there; so, she decides to go.
8. She goes to her closet and pulls down a suite case. A prayer card falls from her closet. She reads it. It’s the Guardian Angel prayer. She looks to Heaven and says she means it.
9. Sun gets bright. Silhouette hand touches her arm. Piper scratches her arm. Sees nothing on it or near her.
10. A woman smiles and waves at Piper. Piper waves back.
11. Piper gets home. She stops at a store to get a drink. Woman stops there, too. She calls Piper’s name. She says her name is Leela. She asks Piper about the town; says she needs kind of a tour guide. Piper is brief. Leela says that she can tell Piper is uneasy about this place…that she understands what it’s like to be an outsider. They become fast friends.
12. Piper runs into Mixie. Mixie’s demeanor is gloating and condescending towards Piper. Piper has a tough time being in Mixie’s presence but responds politely, which is undeserving for Mixie. Leela notes Piper’s behavior.
13. Piper calls Joel. No answer. She’s frustrated she can’t talk to Joel.
14. Piper tries to keep herself hidden from everyone. She notices everyone walking towards the Intracoastal Canal. Piper doesn’t want to go. Leela says that what happening down there is unavoidable.
15. They walk to the canal. Piper tries to be as inconspicuous as possible.
16. Mixie tells Corey that Piper is there. She whispers something into Corey’s ear. Corey checks out Piper a little. Piper sees all of this.
17. Mixie gives a big ‘hi’ to someone near Piper totally ignoring Piper’s presence.
18. Joel’s car is pulled out of the canal. Piper breaks down in tears and grief in front of everyone. All eyes turn to her.
19. Murmuring occurs. Piper sees this. She tells Leela that she wants to leave.
20. In Piper’s bedroom at her parents’ home, Piper tells Leela that she wants to leave. Leela asks Piper why she wants to leave. Piper says because no one likes her here and she doesn’t want to hear what anyone has to say about her or Joel and her. They are fake. She doesn’t trust anyone. The great divide. They threw Piper away a long time ago. Piper wants to run away.
21. Leela acknowledges Piper’s pain. Leela asks Piper what she really wants. Piper confesses that she wants to be loved, authentically. She wants to be valuable. She wants this dark cloud to move from her.
22. Leela tells Piper that she will take her to a place where Piper will get love and be very valuable. They go to a shelter.
23. Leela tells Piper that things are not going well for these people in the shelter; but a shelter is here because these people matter.
24. Piper talks to a person going through a rough patch but not giving up.
25. Piper attends a tea party. She sits with a group of women. They begin to gossip. Piper walks out.
26. Piper angrily walks to her car. Leela joins her. Leela tells Piper that things are about to get heavy. Piper asks how she knows this. Leela says to light, to guard, to rule, to guide. Piper is puzzled.
27. Piper and Leela are riding when Corey stands out in the road.
28. Leela says that she will handle this and she gets out of the car. Piper waits a minute, and she gets out of the car.
29. Piper watches others come out of the bushes of the Houma shortcut, including Mixie.
30. Corey asks Piper why is she here. Piper asks Corey the same question.
31. Piper tells everyone that they are nasty. They do awful things.
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Karen Griffin
What I learned: how fun it can be to focus on different aspects of each characters
Logline: A woman returns to her hometown to confront an evil that destroyed her and others.
Character name: Piper
Role in the story: Heroine
Core Character Traits
Loner
Sad/feels unloved
Hopeful
Frustrated
Wants: Love from others; to connect with people in an authentic way
Mission: to stop all the gossip and bad-mouthing people do to her and others
Character subtext logline: Piper is a loner who wants to connect with others but can’t be due to distrust and hurt stemming from gossip and bad-mouthing done to her by others.
Character name: Leela, Guardian Angel
Role in the story: Piper’s Guardian Angel
Core Character Traits
Confident
Peaceful
Loving
Brave
Wants: the best for Piper; to lead Piper to Heaven
Mission: to help Piper get past the pain she’s in so that Piper can live life… basically, to light, to guard, to rule to guide Piper so that Piper’s everything can reflect the glory of God and be very happy.
Character subtext logline: Leela is Piper’s Guardian Angel whose main goal is to help Piper conquer her pain but also to light, to guard, to rule and to guide Piper to a wonderful existence.
Character name: Joel
Role in the story: Piper’s best friend/wants to be her boyfriend
Core Character Traits
Supportive to Piper
Rocker
Outsider
Humorous
Wants: to be Piper’s boyfriend
Needs: to be acknowledge in Piper’s eyes as more than just her best friend
Character subtext logline: Joel is Piper’s best friend who supports her when she is down and wants to be her boyfriend
Character name: Corey
Role in the story: Antagonist
Core Character Traits
Cocky
Super Smart Engineer
Instigator/ Shirt stirrer
Insecure
Wants: to put others down so he can look good
Secret: He had a crush on Piper in high school and he still thinks she’s attractive
Character subtext logline: Corey is a super smart, cocky Engineer who stirs shit with his put downs so he can feel better about himself.
Character name: Monica aka Mixie
Role in the story: Antagonist
Core Character Traits
Popular and pretty
Snob
Controlling
Overconfident
Wants: for Corey to love her, to want her; wants all eyes on her all of the time
Fears: looking bad in public
Character subtext logline: Mixie is a snobby, pretty and controlling lady who wants Corey’s love as well as all eyes on her so much so that she uses bad-mouthing to control a situation.
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KAREN GRIFFIN
What I learned: I learned that structure is extremely important when writing a script. Doing the exercises has helped me to see that I had problems with establishing a core then building a script around that core. The elevating exercises helped me to see not only scenes that lack luster but also scenes that didn’t support the core in the best possible way.
Logline: A woman returns to her hometown and is forced to confront an evil that separates and destroys people.
Act One
1. INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
Piper Voice Over. “I once had a dream…” An upkept little girl with messy hair and dirty clothes sits on the floor with a blank look on her face. A snake appears from the darkness and heads towards the little girl. Piper wakes up from her dream.
2. EXT. HALL PARKING LOT – LATE EVENING
Joel looks at the people walking into the hall. He calls Piper, who’s working at her office. They talk about the social pain they experienced as children growing up there especially Corey and Mixie. Piper notes how those experiences still affect her today.
3. INT. PIPER’S OFFICE – EARLY EVENING
Piper watches a group of her co-workers walk past her with their purses laughing and talking about going to dinner. No one asks Piper to come along. Piper looks depressed.
4. INT. HALL- NIGHT
Inside the hall, Corey and Mixie instigate gossip. They bring up others’ mistakes or oddities and elaborate on them negatively. They really turn up the heat with their trash talk. The doorman opens the doors and snakes that no one sees enters into the hall and slithers. People continue to talk as if no snakes are there.
5. INT. HALL – NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Corey bumps into Joel. Corey calls Joel and freak and Joel tells Corey that he can’t handle outside the box.
6. INT. PIPER’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Piper looks at pictures of Joel with his new car that he sent to her on her phone. Her mom calls her and tells her that she sent an airline ticket to her to come home. Her mom stresses that Joel is here. Piper is apprehensive even though Joel is there.
7. INT. HALL – NIGHT
Gossip about people continues. Corey and Mixie verbally tear Joel to pieces. Snakes begin to circle individuals. Snakes circle Joel.
8. INT. HALL – NIGHT
Corey talks about a gadget he created that can start and stop anything by sending an electric current to enable or disable the power.
9. EXT. HALL PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Joel sends Piper a text saying that he no longer wants to be her friend; he wants to be her boyfriend.
10. INT. PIPER’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Piper gets the text and tries to call Joel. She leaves him a message saying that she is going there. She goes to her closet and pulls out her suitcase to pack for her trip home. A Guardian Angel card falls from her closet. She picks up the card and prays it sincerely for help with returning to her hometown. The sun gets bright and a silhouette hand touches Piper on the arm. Piper scratches her arm but sees nothing when she looks at to what is making her itch.
11. EXT. BOURG-LAROSE HWY – NIGHT
A car stops on a dark road. A person whom the snakes circled gets killed by a small group of people headed by Corey and Mixie. This happens a few times in the same night. The cars of the killed people get put into a canal.
Act Two
1. INT. PLANE – MORNING
Piper gets on a plane. A woman make it a point to smile and wave at Piper.
2. INT. STORE – AFTERNOON
Piper gets home. She tries to be inconspicuous as she stops at a gas station to get a drink. The same woman on the plane calls her name. She asks Piper for her view on the town. She says her name is Leela.
3. INT. STORE – AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS)
Mixie walks in the store and sees Piper. Mixie tells the person she is with that she wants to dog somebody as she looks at Piper. Piper passes Mixie and Mixie says hello rudely. Leela looks at Mixie as if something is wrong with her. Piper cowers away from the scene. Leela asks Piper why she lets people walk all over her like that. Piper doesn’t have an answer. Leela looks at Piper and tells her that she feels like an outsider, too. Piper and Leela become friends quickly. Leela leaves with Piper from the store.
4. INT. PIPER’S PARENTS HOME – AFTERNOON
Piper calls and leaves Joel a message. She says that she wants to date, too.
5. EXT. BANK OF CANAL – AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS)
Piper sees Joel’s car being pulled out of the canal. She has a public breakdown. Leela is right there by her side. People begin to chat about Piper’s reaction. Piper begins to say that Joel should have never come here. This is a cruel place.
6. EXT. BANK OF CANAL – AFTERNOON (CONTINUOUS)
Corey overhears a conversation validating Piper’s claim. He walks up to the group and turns the conversation around to get the attention off of Mixie and him.
7. INT. PIPER’S BEDROOM AT PIPER’S PARENTS’ HOME – EVENING
Piper tells Leela about the crap that she went through here. She tells Leela how she wants this to stop. She’s tired of being walked all over and dealing with the gossip. Leela tells Piper that the first thing she should do is show the world how beautiful she is by serving at a shelter. Piper is angry and says that won’t help.
8. EXT. STREET – EVENING
Piper looks everyone else on the street. Leela tells Piper not to do anything bad. Do the shelter.
9. INT. PIPER’S PARENTS’ KITCHEN – MORNING
A list of the people that have died are in the morning paper. Piper’s dad points out that twelve people have died on the Houma shortcut. Piper looks at Leela and nods. Shelter.
10. INT. SHELTER – MORNING
Leela walks into a shelter with Piper. Leela reminds Piper that the first defense is to show everyone that she is beautiful.
11. INT. CAR – AFTERNOON
Piper tells Leela that she feels better and is less angry. Piper gains confidence.
ACT THREE
1. INT. PIPER’S PARENTS’ LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Piper attends a tea party. She sits through a few minutes of the group and leaves. She feels sick. The trash talk made her sick.
2. INT. CAR, BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Leela tells Piper things are about to get really hard. Piper asks Leela how she knows this. Leela says something about to light, to guard, to rule, to guide…Piper thinks for a moment. Leela’s eyes flash.
3. INT – BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Piper’s car breaks down. Piper looks at Leela and asks who she is. Leela tells Piper that she’s her Guardian Angel.
4. EXT. – BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Corey and Mixie appear from the bushes with other people. They circle the car. The snakes appear and still no one sees them.
5. INT. – CAR – NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Leela tells Piper stay still for a moment. Leela exists the car. Leela looses her human flesh and her true nature is revealed. The snakes back away.
6. EXT – BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT(CONTINUOUS)
Piper has a flashback to the Guardian Angel prayer. She watches this angel push back the snakes and the bad guys. Leela looks at Piper and nods for her to exist the car.
7. EXT – BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Piper looks at Corey, Mixie and everyone else. She tells them their mouths have destroyed people. Because of the things that they have said, hearts have been broken, people have been beaten and killed…It destroys love. It brings on loneliness.
8. EXT-BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT
The snakes turn towards Corey, Mixie and their crowd. The bite, squeezed and chase them.
9. EXT – BOURG-LAROSE HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Piper looks at Leela and smiles.
What needs to be elevated is the Guardian Angel part needs to be more profound. The whole third Act needs to be elevated in that it needs to show how this evil ultimately harms the source. I did want to maybe show some type of redemption for Corey through confession.
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Okay, let me try this again.
Logline:
A woman returns home with a unique ally to confront an evil that has hurt her and destroyed others.
Opening: A car veers to the side of a dark road and stops. The driver gets out of the car to see what’s wrong with the car and snakes start to circle him. He doesn’t see the snakes. Another man with an axe kills him, dismantles the device in the engine of the car the caused it to loose power, submerges the dead body and the car in a canal
Inciting Incident: Joel is part of a band called “Eleven years” His band was hired to perform for a party in his hometown. He is on the phone outside the party hall talking to Piper about things that other people in the town did to them or said about them that was unkind. Both have left the town to get away from the gossip, etc. (It still affects Piper)
Corey walks into the party and starts bad mouthing people in the room. People near him join into the conversation.
Snakes that no one sees enter the building.
Joel walks into the hall and Corey sees him. Corey immediately says what a freak Joel was and assumes all kind of bad things about Joel. The snakes no one sees circles Joel.
Piper discovers that her mom has sent her a ticket to come home and besides, Joel’s is town 🙂 She reluctantly begins to pack when a Guardian Angel prayer card falls from her closet and she prays it sincerely for help on her journey.
When Piper is in the airport, she meets someone who calls herself Leela because Piper is reading a book about Leela. Leela’s eyes are sparkly.
By page 10, you know the movie has something to do with how gossip is a snake and a woman is going back with Heavenly help to deal with the things that hurt her as a result of gossip.
First turning point at the end of Act 1 is It’s dark and another murder takes place. Another car is pushed into the water. We don’t know who it is though I’m sure everyone can guess who it is.
Piper arrives in town with Leela. Piper and Leela have become comfortable with each other really well. Leela sees that Piper is uncomfortable with what she is about to go through and Leela said that she’s always there for Piper.
Piper goes looking for Joel but can’t find him anywhere.
Mid Point: Joel’s car is pulled out of the canal with his body in it. Leela reacts with a huge emotional outburst. Leela comforts her and gets her out of the scene.
Leela is now in the public eye with plenty people talking about her. Leela steps in to help Piper deal with this. Leela tells Piper that she is about to go through some heavy trouble in a little bit but that Piper should not fear anything. Leela helps Piper get underneath the surface of the situation by getting her to seek the value given to each one of us by God that no one can take away from us.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
Piper has to now face the world without Joel because Joel and she faced the world together.
Corey begins to spread stuff about Piper.
Crisis: Piper begins to face more and more people from her past in the town that hurt her. She wants to run but she walks holding her head high.
Climax: Corey tells Piper that he killed Joel and Piper takes courage and tells Corey that he destroyed this a long time ago…but the destruction is no more. He tries to kill her but Leela steps in the way and reveals her true identity as Piper’s Guardian Angel. After this reveal, Corey sees all of the snakes that are now climbing all over him and smothering him.
Resolution: Piper realizes that she always has heavenly help with any that tries to break her.
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What I’ve learned from this module is that, for the most part, all stories follow a structure and it’s important to be individualistic
Logline
A woman has to face her troubles with the help of her Guardian Angel and a man has to deal with red-eye snakes that appear and multiply as a result of his bad behavior.
Main Conflict: Piper’s behavior of believing that no one in the world likes her is healed when Corey’s reputation destruction behavior brings on red-eyed, evil snakes.
Opening: Corey murders someone. Piper and Joel discuss the pain of the past from other people’s mouths and actions.
Inciting Incident: Piper’s mom sends her an airline ticket to come home. As she’s packing, a Guardian Angel prayer cards falls from her closet. Piper prays it sincerely. Corey bad mouths Joel badly; he gets others to view Joel in a bad light.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about. It’s about a woman who is going to go home and face what’s bothering her…but she won’t do it alone. It’s also about a man who is going to learn that evil builds on other evil acts if they are not confessed…hence more snakes appear.
First turning point at Act 1, Corey kills Joel and more snakes appear. Piper gets home and tries to avoid everyone.
Mid-Point: Joel’s car is found in the canal. Piper looses it.
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How do we partner up?
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Logline: An initial murder causes supernatural beings to appear, highlights human darkness and pushes life examinations.
The story opens with a murder. Because of this evil act, a snake appears from the ground.
The next scene takes us to a party where disrespect, gossip, and cause a disruption.
Corey is this jackass engineer and his so-called girlfriend, Mixie, prance through the town like they are all that and then some.
A conversation between good friends (Joel and Piper) on the phone draw up old feeling about people in their home town that treated them badly when one friend is there to be with his band to perform at the party.
Piper’s parents push her to visit home. To Piper’s delight, Leela -someone from her complex – is going to the same place as Piper for a History tour. (Leela is accompanied by someone who says he is in all of her classes with her. and he is on the same tour with her).
Another murder happens. Joel is killed.
Piper returns home. She sees Joel’s car being pulled out of a canal.
Piper has to face Mixie and Corey, who degraded Joel and her growing up. Leela is there to help Piper but her actions have created a super natural journey for help.
These conflicts, snakes and characters collide pushing each other to face their own shortcomings/faults/mistaken beliefs.
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Karen Griffin
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Hi. My name is Karen Griffin. I’ve had a Screenwriting coach in the past; however, I’ve only written drafts…nothing final. I hope to get a great product/script from this class.
I like Hal’s strategic/benchmark approach to screenwriting in that I apply various strategies to my own day job (I’m basically a company collector).
I don’t consider myself status quo.
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I like the second paragraph of 20… meant to say 20…great scene
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I can’t see obviously.
I like the second paragraph of 21
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Simplify…it was hard for me to imagine latter part of act two
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As I read through your beats and visualize pieces.. I don’t understand how they fit together… Where your story is going. Can you simplify your beats? My former teacher told me that from start to finish…a character, storyline… should be like a thread in n a straight line from beginning to end
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How do you show the agony rips through…? I can see much of act two from what I’ve read. I think it’s good
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I like 8
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I like #6 because I can see the whole beat… everything is visual in that beat
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I can’t see “ira doesn’t appreciate’. How are you showing this? I can see the stoic
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#4 is good
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Very involved…very detailed but detailed don’t form a clear direction just that they are there…hard to visualize and form a bridge from one scene to another… characters are there but not completely clear