karl gromelski
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What I’ve learned…. without real feedback from an instructor or TA, learning to discover “breakthroughs” in some of these assignments is like trying spot UAPs in the sky: was that a plane, helicopter, drone or star? How do I know if I’m right? or even close to being right??
I imagine there’s a point to these examples – but sure would be nice to have somebody who created the lessons to provide their “breakthroughs” so I can compare them to mine… especially when I don’t see any breakthroughs. Yeah, the scenes are good because the films and the acting is good. But without context, many of the scenes are just a good performance. Like A STAR IS BORN: a guy sitting around a parking lot as a girl sings… and?? Dunno. There’s obviously some attraction there because his driver is waiting for him… but how is this attraction more engaging than Clooney & Lopez in the trunk of a car. It’s not.
What’s the point of having forums if there’s no interaction from the instructor? How are we supposed to know what breakthroughs we’re missing if there’s nobody to guide and train a mind to see what they’re not seeing?
The idea of looking up a word in the dictionary to learn how to spell can be an okay way to teach students. But what do you do when the student is trying to learn how to spell “pterodactyl?” -
This is a good scene because it has goal, stakes and urgency. This scene turns a mundane task of players saying goodbye to parents and boarding bus for football camp into a stand-off by a couple of white players against a black coach. This is also a set-up of the theme and a subplot that we'll see again & again.
Like the last couple of analyzed scenes – you get more conflict and drama by putting two or more characters from different worlds together… different races, different economic status, different education… this time, different ages (generations).
I liked how the stakes were escalated by having the players try to pressure the coach in front of the parents, other coaches and other students. This was a high-stakes gamble – which the coached handled well (did not back down) and even when as far as to force the player to recognize him as the team leader (in a very intimate face to face exchange.)-
This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by karl gromelski.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by
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1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights/breakthroughs into what makes this character great from a writing perspective.
From a writing perspective – the GREEN BOOK scene is classic "enemies to lovers" set-up found in rom-coms. The 2 characters come from opposite ends of the track. Tony is a working class, family man who earns a living using his hands. Dr Shirley is a highly educated, rich, elitist, single man who's an artist. Dr Shirley seems to have it all – yet his race prevents him from being able to go anywhere he likes – while Tony is the opposite. Not only is the vocabulary polar opposite, the manner in which they articulate/pronounce words are at opposite ends as well. This is a great set-up that guarantees conflict now and in the future… especially if the upscale and uptight Dr Shirley is touring the Deep South. This scene is the perfect example as to whether or not the premise can work – and it does. There's a nice power dynamic shift when Tony chooses to leave because he won't polish shoes – and Dr Shirley tries to win him back. Like previous assignment scenes, a job interview is another good way to force a character to reveal backstory, which makes the scene feel more natural. The costume/set design color scheme is also interesting – Dr. Shirley in whites and golds like a messiah while Tony is in dark colors. I don't know that this scene offers me any breakthroughs, but it's a very good scene.-
This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by karl gromelski.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by
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what I learned:
the best backstories are “forced” from your characters
In SLEEPLESS, Sam is stoic. He’s stated the theme earlier that you only find love once. The radio therapy session forces Sam to re-examine his life with Jonah and admit (outloud) that things could be better. that he’s trying but not succeeding at providing Jonah with the support he needs. but more importantly, that maybe, he should consider a new partner to make his house more of a home. Dr Marsha and Jonah force Sam to confront his feelings, his not sleeping – which Sam has be ignoring. Without this scene, Sam would never admit that he needs to change. This is the first time that Sam acknowledges that maybe he should change – do things differently.
In TOMBSTONE – Doc uses his education to take the high road and show up Johnny who seems to be all bluster. But this forces Johnny to retaliate in Latin showing that: a.) he’s a formidable opponent and b.) that he’s as smart and educated as Doc. Neither have any use for Latin in the things they do – but by speaking it in a saloon, it demonstrates how these two gunslingers are intellectually smarter than they appear – and they’re slumming it among the common folks. Having Doc speak Latin forces Johnny to reveal himself – which is a surprise and much more interesting than having them compare their university degrees & school upbringing. -
both SEABISCUIT and SLEEPLESS scenes do a great job of visually representing what's happening in the scene.
In SEABISCUIT – seeing both the horse & future jockey fight against the world shows how they're both wired similarly. They're both angry at the world and refuse to be tamed/ told what to do. Their actions reveal their true nature and allow the audience (& Red) to make the connection that they belong together. Note: Red must have a lot of distain for authority as well for him to want to train a very difficult horse. So even though he's not belligerent like the other two, he's definitely someone who doesn't follow rules.
In SLEEPLESS – the writers use two different actions to allow the audience to infer what the future may be.
Sam doesn't sleep well – he's sleepless. While Annie is falling asleep at the wheel as she's driving and listening to the radio program. The contrast clues us in that she can be good for him.
Another interesting visual representation is how Sam comes from one side of the house and Jonah from the other.
As the phone therapy continues – they meet in the middle. The therapy is helping bond them to each other so that at the end, Sam is hugging his son on a bench. It visually shows how "walls are being broken down" and open communication helps bring them together physically and emotionally.-
This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by karl gromelski.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by
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There are several items in these scenes that make the Kate character more intriguing.
For one, her secret is sort of a surprise when doc Jack finds out. For another, her secret is pretty radical – not something we'd expect from a pretty, young girl – it goes against who you'd expect her to be.
When Sawyer finds out, it ups the stakes because we know Sawyer to be the type that uses every means possible to control those around him. But at the time, he doesn't know the circumstances or that there was a Marshall on the plane who was taking her into custody.
What great about this writing is her secret is split in two: Jack knows that she's wanted but not why. Sawyer knows she killed a man, but not who or how. And it's not until the flashback that we get the full picture so that the audience can judge for themselves whether or not to continue rooting for Kate. This is a very good way of drawing out a secret/surprise so that we continue to be intrigued and continue to watch.
I also appreciated the game Sawyer plays (although the scene goes on for a bit too long) – and how Kate reluctantly admits to her crime passively – without admitting guilt, fault or reasons. I also liked how Sawyer reveals this himself – adding to his multi-layered background – making his character more complex. (BTW – he also doesn't explain his killing, leaving the audience to wonder who either are.) Having two "killers" bond in this fire-side chat scene ups the stakes for everyone around them – because we're now privied to how far these characters may go to get what they want, which may put other characters at risk.
A character reluctant to admit their secret past rings true and makes their wound more believable. A secret revealed bit by bit causes the audience to remain engaged. These are two insights that could work in nearly any type of script.-
This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by karl gromelski. Reason: trying html tags
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by
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In all honesty, I struggle to see what insight or breakthroughs are represented here.
But what I’ve noticed is that in this scene, Sarah pivot from being scared, confused and unsure – to a person who realizes that her future has been cast and even though she doesn’t like it, she must accept it. She changes from fighting the inevitable to embracing it and trying to understand it.
Kyle doesn’t seem to know he’s the father. But when he mentions that John has her eyes, there seemed to be a tiny spark where it seemed (like a rom com) that he’s seeing Sarah in a different light. From victim to a vulnerable, beautiful woman.
I also have no idea how to use these attributes below… but I’m willing to try them and see.
the characters are well drawn – but that’s because we’re in the middle of the story and Sarah has finally seen what Kyle has been trying to tell her. I guess this is her transformation scene – where she comes to grips with being destined as the “mother of the future” – so that by the end of the scene, she’s asking about what to expect from the future. -
1. Name? Hi, I’m Karl.
2. How many scripts you’ve written? In the last few years, I’ve written 4 scripts.
3. What you hope to get out of the class? I hope to learn how to make my characters pop on the page.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I’d rather read a script than a book. -
I, Karl Gromelski, agree to the terms of this form.
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I found WILL to be the most well-drawn character of the 3.
Will’s Traits include:
He’s quiet, reserved, shy. When he enters the bar, he observes and acts like a wallflower.
But he’s also loyal and hates bullies.
Will shows himself to be an intellectual – a genius with a photographic memory.
But he not only remembers and learns from books, he uses critical thinking to make assessments.
Most of all – Will is a “cutter” (borrowed from Breaking Away). He’s a local in a college town and is proud to be a working man. Never backs down from a fight. Never afraid to resort to violence to solve a dispute.
He seems to have a chip on his shoulder and wants to prove his worth to anyone.His buddy CHUCKIE is less defined.
He’s more of a “clown” who’s playful and unashamed to embarrass himself even in public spaces.
He’s more of a risk-taker, willing to put himself out there to win a date with a college girl (a trophy?)
He’s also a townie/ local – and unashamed to be who he is.SKYLAR is the least well-drawn of the three.
She’s just a typical college girl – but you can tell that she doesn’t care for the Harvard elitist behavior.
Where Will is attracted to confrontations – she doesn’t seem to care them.
She seems nice – as well as open and friendly.
She tries to stand up for herself – but maybe is a bit too timid.One “breakthrough” that I’ve had from watching this and the Devil Wears Prada is how the scene pivots on a trigger.
In Devil Wears Prada – it’s the word “stuff”
In this scene, it’s when the Hah-Vahd boy starts to belittle Chuckie with the “between recess and 3rd period) comment.
This is when Will steps in to take up for his friend and out-quote the elitist from textbooks.
The tone and purpose of the scene changes from a pick-up scene at a bar to an intellectual fight between locals and college boys.The DRAMA starts as a standard pick-up scene that takes place at a bar – but turns into a battle of the wits between the educated and uneducated.
My contention is that Will & friends picked this Harvard bar to prove to themselves that they belong anywhere in Boston. As locals, they help build and grow this economy – this is “their town” and they venture to a college bar because they know that most wouldn’t. They probably feel the world closing in on them as they grow up – and feel resentful that their town is producing the next generation of rich elitists – that they will never be part of. It’s probably their way of trying to prove to themselves that they’re not afraid to go anywhere – they won’t back down from a challenge.
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(Your Name’s) Great Action Set Piece!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
Pre-action.
After having noticed the white guy in the scam center, and then seeing him at the loft raid – girl & Hero figure this man is at the center of what’s going on.
they don’t know who he is, but they know that he’s important.
they put out a call-for-dox on him and get a hacker to offer to meet at Harrahs.
She tells him that she’ll help – but after this, he’s on his own.
Hero tries to go in – but they’re checking ID, everybody’s.
Hero wants to abort. Girl takes charge.
Action.
TWIST: Girl goes in with Hero – shows her Seven Star card, they glide past security and police.
They go into gift shop to Harrah-ize themselves. Blend in.
She uses a port to the cash register to hack into Harrahs.
She hacks into the security feed. They haven’t been noticed.
They go to craps. wait for somebody to play 13 and 37.
ANXIETY: Police & security patrol – increasing tension. Then a guy plays the numbers.
they approach. Hacker stalls them – they notice.
He finally tells them guy is checked into Monteleon under “?”
TWIST/ FEAR: Girls alarm goes off – they’re being monitored.
CIA guys show up.
Hacker volunteers to meet them in the front. They agree.
TWIST: He leaves. Walks slowly in middle of aisle – not afraid… signaling someone?
Girl watches on security feed… he’s a traitor.
Security splits into two groups.
They head for the back.
“What about our ride?” “They’ve got eyes on him. He must have alerted them to us.”
DANGER: Hide near slots. Security closing in.
SURPRISE: Girl takes out hacking device – causes woman playing to win.
“how do you think I got to be a 7 star?”
TWIST/ SHOCK: Woman screams – excitied. Everybody looks their way.SUSPENSE: People rush to see jackpot.
Security approach…
EXCITEMENT: Security can’t get close enough – Girl & Hero slip out in the elevator.
Then at tunnel entrance – go through employee tunnels.
Post action.
ADRENALINE: they double check security. they’re safe BUT…
Her photo is now with Hero’s. Both are being sought. That’s new.
They head to underground valet garage.
They pick locks to doors – find the one that goes to a tunnel.
TWIST: What is this? Tunnels used to transport slaves under the city during auctions.
Should take us to the French Quarter.
They pop up in a restaurant cellar – wine room. Dusty & cobwebbed.
They take off their Harrah cover.Go to Monteleon? What if it’s a set-up?
“no choice. we get to him, we get answers why you’re a fugitive. and why they’re after me now, too.”
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(Your Name’s) Unique Action!
What I learned doing this assignment is… the more you work your plot, characters and setting to make them unique – the more your story becomes more engaging.
taking the last scene I worked on… examining the various components of it… I discovered a more interesting location for the action.
instead of having the pair break into an ATF office to hack the Fed database…
what if they hacked illegal surveillance set up at a gun show?
they hack into the video feed…
this has the ATF breaking rules, the hackers benefiting from this and the shoot out to be much more engaging/ comical and thrilling…
meanwhile, the Black Ops team that’s been sent to eliminate them arrive to terminate them
now when a shoot-out & Police are called and Girl gets captured…
it’s a crazier gun battle that’s never been seen before
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by karl gromelski.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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Level 3 Action Emotions
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
DANGER
Hero and Girl enter office bldg
They break into ATF office
EXCITEMENT
They hack into Federal database
Find out where “domestic terrorist” designation came from
They catch a black ops team closing in on them
They’re surrounded
They sound the alarm/ call the FBI/ Police
ADRENALINE
They barricade themselves into the office
The Blackwater team can’t get in
FBI & SWAT show up – gun battle
Blackwater team bugs out
FBI arrest Girl
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~Contact.FirstName~ Level 2 Action Emotions
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
SURPRISE/SHOCK
Setup:
Hero & Girl wait at hotel bar for Target to enter.
Suspicious character lurks in background.
Transition:
Target enters – goes to elevators.
Hero & Girl pay bill.
Look for suspicious character who’s gone. (relief)
Hero & Girl go to Target’s room.
Tragedy:
Door open.
Target lies on floor dead.
Hotel alarms go off – they were set up.
SUSPENSE/ ESCAPE:
They rush to stairs where there’s no cameras.
Rush UP the stairs.As law enforcement come up stairs.
Make a glorious escape from roof.
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(Your name’s) Level 1 Action Emotions
“What I learned doing this assignment is…” intentionally making a scene more emotional amps up the rest of the story.
ANXIETY
Hero and Girl enter loft. Hacks the NOPD.
Cancels status on Hero’s BOLO. Changes photo to J Edgar.
Hacks Fed database. Set up timer for 5 min before discovered.
Gets partial info. They try to change status. Hurry…
FEAR
Computer pinged.
“They know where we are.”
FBI & DHS load guns. Rush to loft. Bust in. Empty.
RELIEF
Hero & Girl watch from across the street.
REVENGE
Guy returning to his loft – busted by FBI.
Busted guy was a hacker traitor.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by karl gromelski.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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(Your Name’s) Favorite Twists!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…” there’s always a way to subvert expectations.
Opening
Hero exposes scammers on his YouTube channel.
M1 Hero exposes a scam center who more sophisticated than most.
Twist: Firewall more sophisticated than normal. Why?
Twist squared: Hero gets help from anonymous subscriber. (who used to be part of Anonymous)
YT channel goes viral.
Twist: Anon person hacked media channels to give YT channel attention.
Scam center closes down.
Re-Twist: Media attention causes Hero to get raided by FBI.
Hero’s Patreon account blossoms.
Twist: A chunk of “donation” came from scam center, implicating Hero. Why?
Reverse Twist: This donation is how Hero later traces scam money to a bank.
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(Your Name’s) Likability/Empathy/Justification
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY
A. Other people like or respect the character.
Other hackers help Hero get scammers.
Other hackers call him about YT vid going viral.
Other hackers celebrate with him.
Other hackers alert him that YT vid pulled.
Hacking community likes and respects him.
B. The character shows love for something.
Hero talks to photo on desk of uncle (who committed suicide)
C. They’re trying to do something good.
Hero exposing scammers from India.
D. Save the cat — rescue or do something good for someone else.
Hero calls elderly while he’s being scammed to tell him to stop
E. Funny, humorous, witty.
tbd
F. Kindness.
Hero helps rookie cop (being bullied) make a “find” when house raided.
G. Good moral decisions and actions. Being on the right side.
Hero refuses to fight police with guns/weapons.
EMPATHY / DISTRESS
A. Undeserved misfortune.
Hero attacked for being good at exposing scammers.
B. External Character conflicts.
?
C. Plot intruding on life.
Hero’s biz raided by FBI
D. Moral dilemmas.
Hero won’t fight law enforcement with physical weapons.
E. Forced decisions they’d never make.
F. Wound attacked.
FBI purposely smashes a treasued photo of Hero with uncle.
JUSTIFICATION
A. The character or their family abused.
Uncle scammed and embarrassed… commits suicide.
B. Threatened by others.
Hero put on most wanted list.
C. The Hero is the victim of attacks.
Hero attacked for exposing scammers.
D. They’ve suffered major losses.
Hero loses “everything” to FBI raid.
E. The Villain or their representatives have trespassed.
Guy in video is on-site.
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(Your Name’s) Story Map
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?
Clear Mission: Hero must figure out who set him up and why.
Motivation: Hero gets revenge for uncle’s suicide by creating a scam revealing YT channel.
Opening
Hero exposes scammers on his YouTube channel.
M1 Hero exposes a scam center who more sophisticated than most.
They close down.
Inciting Incident
Hero’s home is raided by FBI task force.
A1 FBI raids Hero’s home
Hero’s personal life upended. Life endangered. Hero’s bank frozen. Social media channel blocked.
A2 Now on alert, Hero senses another raid – escapes.
V1 When CEO learns his scam center has been exposed, he shuts it down
V2 CEO forces Chief of Staff to take action to purge the YT sensation.
When CEO learns that his profitable scam center can’t provide “free” money for PAC, he has to decide on using his fortune to help re-elect the President or risk losing defense contracts during next 4-years.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1
Anon Girl helps Hero learn that he’s been designated a domestic terrorist.
Hero must run or risk getting captured.
A3 Hero chased by Gov’t agencies – barely gets away.
M2 Hero flees and avoids contact with “knowns” Hero goes to turn self in. AnonGirl prevents.
M3 FBI & DHS pursue. Media puts his photo everywhere. He’s a wanted man.
Camera/ “eyes” everywhere.
V3 Keep the PAC solvent.
Fund the PAC until culprit is caught. Then, go back to using scam center to making election money.
Mid-Point
Hero breaks into secure Fed facility
A4 Hero goes where Gov’t agencies least expect him.
M4 Hero & AG hack Fed data base to see what they’ve got on Hero.
They pretend they’re an outside cyberagency to get low-down on Hero – it reads like bogus.
A5 New “super posse” after Hero & friend. They barely escape.
M5 They find liason to Indian call center – dead.
Liason tied to large corp that’s heavy into politics.
M6 They break into company get records – but busted. Hero gets away.
V4 CEO exposed in social media/online boards for doing bad things.
V5 CEO has story easily dismissed/erased.
V6 CEO sends Black Ops team after hackers.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2
Anon Girl arrested. Put into prison at QB.
A6 Hero & friend trapped. They call Police on themselves.
A7 Friend questioned. Locked in Guantanamo Bay cell.
M7 AG caught – sent to secret detainment.
V7 Black Ops have a bead on hackers who must call police on self to get out alive.
Crisis/Dilemma
Hero learns the true villain behind the chase & the villain’s ultimate plan.
Hero must decide whether to fight or flight.
V8 After AnonGirl is captured, scam center is put back into operation.
M8 Worm activated – old scam center is operational again – but at new location in India. And more sophisticated.
M9 Hero tags Crypto currency. follows the money.
M10 Hero discovers PAC behind the money scamming.
V9 Hero uses PAC’s tactics against its scam centers – causing CEO to bleed money again.
Climax
Hero exposes the villains and their activities.
A8 Hero caught in a crossfire. Hero escapes
M11 Hero implicates self with scam center to make them target of investigation.
M12 Hero uses PAC autobots to jam scam call center.
Forces PAC to stretch themselves – make mistakes – and CoS to show self (use power to reduce enforcement policing)
V10 CEO tied to “terrorist” call centers – making him a Most Wanted.
Resolution
Anon Girl released. Villain imprisoned at QB. Hero gets his life back.
A9 Friend released from QB
M13 Hero gets AG out, record expunged. Media report on crooked PAC money. CoS resigns and abuse of power revealed.
V11 CEO flies to private island in foreign country to avoid law enforcement.
V12 CEO locked up in Quantonimo Bay as “domestic terrorist.”
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What I learned doing this assignment is…?
Opening
Hero exposes scammers on his YouTube channel.
Inciting Incident
Hero’s home is raided by FBI task force.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1
Anon Girl helps Hero learn that he’s been designated a domestic terrorist.
Hero must run or risk getting captured.
Mid-Point
Hero breaks into secure Fed facility
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2
Anon Girl arrested. Put into prison at QB.
Crisis/Dilemma
Hero learns the true villain behind the chase & the villain’s ultimate plan.
Hero must decide whether to fight or flight.
Climax
Hero exposes the villains and their activities.
Resolution
Anon Girl released. Villain imprisoned at QB. Hero gets his life back.
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Action Track!
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie?
Shoot-outs, Explosions /distractions, physical assaults, chase/pursuits, escape/evade, dangerous situations, interrogations, smash & grab, assault on a location/raids, shadowing a suspect, rescue, fight
B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?
evade & escape, chase/pursuits, fight.
C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?
Start with assault on a location but miss suspect. Suspect escapes. Gov’t escalates chase by involving more and more law enforcement agencies. Villain sends Black Ops team to eradicate suspects.
the types of action you’ll use:
ATTACK: FBI raids Hero’s home.
PURPOSE: Puts Hero on the run. Communicate severity of situation.
EVADE: Now on alert, Hero senses another raid – escapes.
PURPOSE: Even “safe spaces” aren’t safe. No place to hide.
CHASE: Hero chased by Gov’t agencies – barely gets away.
PURPOSE: Hero learns how Gov’t agencies are tracking him. Must create new plan.
ENTER THE LION’S DEN: Hero goes where Gov’t agencies least expect him.
PURPOSE: Hero’s good at what he does. Gov’t agencies aren’t infallible. Hope.
ESCAPE: New “super posse” after Hero & friend. They barely escape.
PURPOSE: Stakes are raised. More than Gov’t after them.
DANGEROUS SITUATION: Hero & friend trapped. They call Police on themselves.
PURPOSE: Friend captured – big gloom. Stakes at an all time high.
INTERROGATION: Friend questioned. Locked in Guantanamo Bay cell.
PURPOSE: A glimpse at what’s at stake. No more daylight.
SHOOTOUT: Hero caught in a crossfire. Hero escapes.
PURPOSE: Super Posse eliminated.
RELEASE: Friend released from QB.
PURPOSE: Good guys are vindicated.
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Villain Track!
What I learned: Meticulous plotting shows the Villain’s motivations (or lack thereof).
A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero? The plan could be pre-existing or created on the spot.
Villain’s pre-existing plan is thwarted by Hero. So Villain must reveal/expose who the real person behind the plan is – causing the Villains to want to crush Hero and helper.
B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?
Through the executive branch – CoS is able to use IRS, FBI & DHS to track and find the Hero and AG. Through his connections to defense contractors, CEO is able to get black ops team to “seek & destroy” Hero.
C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie?
Villain has the power of the executive branch – and control over social & traditional media to get his version of the “truth” out in the public.
D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done?
A fitting end would be someone who’s got the power to destroy someone to see that same power inflicted upon him… sent to windowless cell in “terrorist prison” – (same cell!)
In-the-moment Plan
MISTAKE: When CEO learns his scam center has been exposed, he shuts it down and forces Chief of Staff to take action to purge the YT sensation.
DILEMMA: When CEO learns that his profitable scam center can’t provide “free” money for PAC, he has to decide on using his fortune to help re-elect the President or risk losing defense contracts during next 4-years.
DECISION: Keep the PAC solvent.
PLAN: Fund the PAC until culprit is caught. Then, go back to using scam center to making election money.
FIRE ALARM MOMENT: CEO exposed in social media as doing bad things.
RETALIATION: CEO has story erased. Sends Black Ops team after hackers.
FIGHT OR FLIGHT: Black Ops have a bead on hackers. They must call police to get out alive.
CAPTURE: After AnonGirl is captured, scam center is put back into operation.
REPRISAL: Hero uses PAC’s tactics against its scam centers – causing CEO to bleed money again.
RETRIBUTION: CEO tied to “terrorist” call centers – making him a Most Wanted.
ESCAPE: CEO flies to private island in foreign country to avoid law enforcement.
FITTING ENDING: CEO locked up in Quantonimo Bay as “domestic terrorist.”
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Hero’s Mission Track
A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds?
1. he’s a fighter – never backs down from a fight.
2. his back is against the wall – he’s forced to fight or flight. If he doesn’t fight, he’ll be on the run the rest of his life and always in danger.
B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal?
go against the full resources of the US government and their allies.
C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero?
1. Internal: the need for justice. the need to clear his name. the need to be right.
2. external: law enforcement closing in on him – freezing assets, tarnishing name, manhunt and media propaganda.
D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain?
Hero fails – put in jail where they throw away the key.
Hero runs – lives life looking over his shoulder – has to change name & identity
Hero uses his cyber security knowledge to uncover those out to get him.
MISSION TRACK
Clear Mission: Hero must figure out who set him up and why.
Motivation: Hero gets revenge for uncle’s suicide by creating a scam revealing YT channel.
Inciting Incident: Hero exposes a scam center who more sophisticated than most. They close down. Hero’s personal life upended.First Action: Life endangered. Hero’s bank frozen. Social media channel blocked. Hero flees and avoids contact with “knowns” Hero goes to turn self in. AnonGirl prevents.
Obstacle: FBI & DHS pursue. Camera/ “eyes” everywhere. Media puts his photo everywhere. He’s a wanted man.
Twist: Hero & AG hack Fed data base to see what they’ve got on Hero. They pretend they’re an outside cyberagency to get low-down on Hero – it reads like bogus.
Apparent defeat: They find liason to Indian call center – dead.
Apparent Success: Liason tied to large corp that’s heavy into politics. They break into company get records – but busted. Hero gets away.
Overwhelming Odds: AG caught – sent to secret detainment. Accused of Hero’s crimes.
Twist: Worm activated – old scam center is operational again – but at new location in India. And more sophisticated.
New Plan: Hero tags Crypto currency. follows the money. discovers PAC behind the money scamming. Hero implicates self with scam center to make them target of investigation.
Full out Attack: Hero uses PAC autobots to jam scam call center. Forces PAC to stretch themselves – make mistakes – and CoS to show self (use power to reduce enforcement policing)
Success: Hero gets AG out, record expunged. Media report on crooked PAC money. CoS resigns and abuse of power revealed.
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What have you learned doing this assignment:
Concept: After a cybersecurity freelancer with a YouTube channel exposes a sophisticated scam operation, his world is turned upside down by being accused of being a domestic terrorist. To get his life back, he must find out who’s behind this while evading the police.
Hero – morally right: Hero is a scammer vigilante – trying to shut down scam centers that prey on elderly and naive people.
Villain – morally wrong: Villain is the President’s Chief of Staff who’s using scam call centers to raise money for a Super PAC in order to get the President re-elected and continue operating his illegal activities with impunity.
Hero
Unique Skills: Hero is a cybersecurity specialist who’s good at problem solving.
Motivation: Hero must clear name to get his life back.
Wound: Hero is haunted by his favorite uncle’s death – who committed suicide after he was scammed out of his life savings.
Unbeatable Villain
Lon Krain is President Debin’s Chief of Staff who controls who and what POTUS sees – he also is able to make decisions on behalf of the President as if it comes from him… so Lon is able to use the full force of law enforcement at his discretion.
Lon’s Plan is to use scam centers to funnel money into a Super PAC so he can outspend his rival in the upcoming election and remain in power.
His Goal is to continue using his power as COS to enrich himself for the next 4 years.
Villain stands to lose all his illicit money gain and go to jail if POTUS doesn’t win another term because his unfinished illegal activities would definitely be uncovered by the next administration.
Impossible Mission
Puts Hero in Action: After hero shuts down a scam center, Villain takes revenge by putting the IRS, FBI and Homeland Security on him. Hero loses his current base of operations, YouTube channel and all assets are frozen – so he must follow the scam money trail to learn who benefits from this scam center.
Demands Hero goes beyond his Best: Normally Hero just exposes the scammers and hopes the local police clean it up. But this time, Hero must do more than just expose the scammers and he must find out where the money is going and how it’s being used.
Destroy the Villain: To clear his name, Hero must expose the Villain, which will destroy all his nefarious plans.
Improved Answers… tbd. I want to sit with this for a while and plot the structure to see how this story would play out before adding, removing or improving it.
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Karl’s Conventions!
What I learned doing this assignment is: I think the movie that Hal hated by an independent director who blends too many genres is TENET.
Concept: After a vigilante YouTuber exposes and shuts down a scammer call center, he’s suddenly labeled a domestic terrorist and must uncover the powerful forces behind the scammers while staying on the run in order to clear his name and reclaim his life.
Hero: A smug, hi-tech savvy cybersecurity freelance contractor
Mission: Find out who’s behind the sophisticated scam center to clear his name.
Demand for Action: He must evade local law enforcement & FBI while trying to figure out who’s behind his terrorist label.
Antagonist: Lon Krain, the POTUS chief of staff is pulling the strings.
Escalation: The smug YouTuber first gets threats from the IRS, then his website is shut down, then local law enforcement are after him, and then the FBI and Secret Service. Not to mention fake news!!
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I, State Your Name, AGREE to the following terms:
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
Signed,
Karl Gromelski
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Hey all – I’m Karl.
I’ve written more than 5 scripts (been doing this on & off for many years).
I hope to tweak a script I’m working on. This is its 3-4th draft.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?
I believe in the ancient alien theory!😆
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Karl’s Analysis of Groundhog Day
Having seen this movie so many times (and being a cheap bastard) – I chose to read Danny Rubin’s Jan 1992 screenplay and watch the cut-up version on YouTube. So my answers may not totally translate to Ramis’ final film. I’ve also not looked at other responses – so mine may repeat what’s already been said:
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
I really hate Andie MacDowell as a leading lady. She’s adequate, but lacks a screen presence/ personality – imo.
AND…
There are lots of (subtle) layers to dialogue — especially throw-away lines. For the first time, I got the meaning behind – “Do you think Phil will come out and see his shadow?” — as in Phil Connors and his shadow-self, the negative poisonous version of himself.
1. What’s the CHANGE/ Transformational Journey?
Phil Connors changes from a flippant, self-centered, self-indulgent individual who sees life in terms of what he can get from it — to a sincere, philanthropic, humble member of society who finds pleasure in giving to others.
2. Change Agent: Rita influences Phil to transform. (although some might argue that Phil desire for meaning + Time really forces Phil to change. By the end, he’s no longer trying to do things to impress Rita — but instead to find true happiness)
Transformable Character: Phil Conners
Oppression: The blizzard that prevents travel and long-distant calls — trapping Phil in Punxsutawney. (And time itself which continually repeats.)
3. We’re lured into this journey by the clever idea of living the same day over and over. The audience lives vicariously through Phil enjoying the endless possibiities to “do-over” mistakes or decisions to see what outcomes we could get. We connect with this story because Phil takes a variety of approaches that we get to see/experience. Also… hey, it’s Bill Murray.
4. Phil changes the most abandoning his old ways to a new way of being.
From the start, Phil sees himself as being above everyone else. He talks down to Larry (camera guy), treats Rita as an object, thinks of the assignment as beneath him, and despises the small town and its people. On the ride to the event, Phil tells Rita & Larry – “people are morons.” He’s eager to get a big network job to leave the local TV station. He’s condescending to the Chubby Man (at the top of stairs) and Ms. Lancaster. But by the end, he brings coffee to Larry and Rita – even helps them carry the equipment. He does such a good job on his broadcast that everyone around him stand in silence to hear what he has to say. He’s kind and sensitive to the Chubby Man and Ms. Lancaster. He even helps out a ton of the townsfolks including the homeless guy who dies, the wedding couple (gives them tickets to Wrestlemania), catches kid falling from tree, prevents man from choking and helps old ladies fix a flat. (There are even more examples in the final ballroom scene.) But one of the best examples of this is how he asks Rita, “Is there anything I can do for you today?” as they wake up together and “Let’s live here.”
Sincere statements that show real change.
5.There are a number of ways to track Phil’s gradients of change.
One is through his broadcast. It goes from okay to horrible to professional… and in the end, to a very well-thought out exposé on what is winter and how it impacts us.
Phil’s motivations change. At first, he does things to please himself (e.g., robbing armoured truck, sleeping with Nancy) and tries to avoid difficult relationships (i.e., Larry, homeless guy, Ned). Then, he tries to end this time loop in any way possible. Followed by trying to bed Rita. And eventually, he chooses to better himself. This sort of goes through the stages of grief/death – <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
When he says “It’s alright, I am a jerk” and near the end to Rita, “I don’t deserve someone like you.” — we start to see that he’s realized that he needs to change – which is one of the first steps of changing… admitting that you have a problem.
6. Phil’s old ways are specifically challenged when he uses a lifetime to get every detail right in order to bed Rita, and yet she refuses him (slaps him) at every turn. Even using every trick in the book, he can’t get her to love him because he’s doing this from an insincere place. In the end, when he transforms into a more generous person who gives himself to other, it’s only then that Rita has a sincere desire to be with him (she pays to date him at the batchelor auction).
Rita challenges Phil when she confronts him on whether this is a “curse” or an opportunity.
7. some of the most profound moments in the story are: when Phil seriously asks Rita, what would she do in his situation? or the bubbas at the bowling alley, “What would you do if you were stuck in one place and nothing you did ever mattered?”
8. Some lines that stuck out to me as profound include the ones above as well as:
“if you only had one day to live, what would you do with it?”
“is this what you do with eternity?” (throwing cards into a hat)
and one that I only caught recently:
“Do you think Phil will come out and see his shadow?”
9. The ending pays off all the set-ups by having nearly everyone in town be affected by Phil, like Phil and want to be with him. Also, Phil is much happier as an individual and less of a wise-ass. Because Phil has learned to better himself (piano playing, heimlich maneuver, reading philosophy), he’s able to contribute more to society and make their lives better.
10. The Profound Truth in this film seems to be to live everyday like it’s your last. Also that doing for others will give you more joy than doing things only for yourself.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by karl gromelski. Reason: revised to complete e-mail assignment request
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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Hi all —
I’m karl gromelski – who lives in N’awlins, USA.
I’ve been writing scripts – on & off – for longer than I care to remember. Just last year, I wrote 2 full screenplays. I work as a copywriter – so whenever I get frustrated with clients re-writing my copy – I turn to writing screenplays.
I’ve taken classes before and currently participate in discussing & trading scripts with other (amateur) writers. One blog I get a lot out of – that I highly recommend if you don’t know – is Carson’s ScriptShadow blog… although I prefer his old posts to his newer ones.
Funny story – as I was outlining my latest script – I seeking how to make it resonate with audiences in a way that I think today’s Netflix movie of the week seems to lack. So I was diving deep into the grey areas that the protagonists and antagonists share… and was even mapping out the gradients of change when I stumbled upon Hal’s talk which mirrored how I was approaching this script! Fate? Destiny? Or just a mere coincidence?
So, since Hal has already figured out a way at looking at story that I was exploring, I signed up hoping that his insights could take my intuitive thinking to a whole new level.
Something unique about me? I dunno. When I lived in LA (Santa Monica, actually) – my wife and I took a trip all the way down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on a 250 Enduro! So, I guess you can say that when I put my mind to accomplishing something, I’m pretty tenacious.
Anyway, I hope I’m able to contribute in a positive way to this class and maybe stumble upon the next WGA writer of the year!
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… just to get all the formalities out of the way.
I, karl gromelski, agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
I also would like to thank the Academy — it’s an honor just to be nominated.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by karl gromelski. Reason: I screwed up the very first assignment! Damn, do I suck
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This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by
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I just figured it out…
make sure to click the blue button “mark complete”
once you’ve marked the lesson complete – then you can access the new lesson by clicking on the title.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by karl gromelski.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by