[Kim Jaspers]

Kim’s characters for horror

What I learned from this assignment — Developing the characters and their journeys is crucial to the plot working and my favorite part of prewriting. I have difficulty formatting on this platform. The HTML codes have a mind of their own. Sorry 🙁

A. Daisy’s Character Profile — role “Reluctant Leader”

Character Intro: Layne presents her story. Audience cheers. Traits: unassuming, observant, quiet, dutiful. Fears: Afraid of being killed by the cartel more than by Layne.
Wants/Needs: She wants to win the money to free her husband. She really needs the money to free herself.
Likability / Rooting factors: She’s likable, but appears weak.
How they react under stress: Tendency to faint. Relationship with other characters: Doesn’t want to see them suffer.

B. Daisy’s Character Journey

Character Intro: Layne introduces her and presents her story. Denial: She minimizes the dangers in her own mind.
Their reaction at first horror: She faints. Relation to group after first horror: They see her as vulnerable.
How they fight back: Daisy observes and uses information to win.
End Point: She emerges victorious.
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience: Strategize silently to win.

A. Finn’s Character Profile — role “Rebel” and “Love Interest”

Traits: physically strong, Irish, egotistical
Fears: spending his entire life in prison.
Wants/Needs: Wants a new legal defense but can’t afford it. Needs to prove his innocence, so needs to win the money.
Likability/Rooting Factors: He’s affable but easy to dislike because he’s a convicted murderer and has a big head. How they react under stress: Cool under pressure. Go-to guy. Relationship with other characters: They think he’s cocky. He is. Daisy finds him attractive. He is.

B. Finn’s Character Journey

Character Intro: He runs onto the stage with his championship boxing belt held high. Audience boos.
Denial: He minimizes the competition dangers through belief in his own physical capabilities to vanquish rivals.
Their reaction at first horror: Can’t show fear.
Relation to group after first horror: views them as mere competitors.
How they fight back: physical prowess, strength.
End Point: He’s almost killed but teams up with Daisy to kill Layne.
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience: The best play is brute strength combined with quiet strategy (Daisy).

A. Charlotte’s Character Profile — role “out of control”

Traits: a vacuous cliché—addicted to online shopping, conspicuous clothing/shoes/hair/nails/makeup, 80’s neon vibe. Fear: doesn’t want to look like a schlump (or look her age).
Wants/Needs: Wants to pay off debts, save the farm. Needs to tear up her credit cards.
Likability/Rooting Factors: People dislike her superficiality.
How they react under stress: She freezes.
Relationship with other characters: She’s eye-rollingly frivolous.

B. Charlotte’s Character Journey

Character Intro: The audience boos her. She’s shocked.
Denial: Perceives herself as likable because she’s “pretty.” Their reaction at first horror: She cries and worries about her mascara running.
Relation to group after first horror: Who can save me?
How they fight back: She doesn’t get the chance. Early death.
End Point: She slips on a banana peel and falls into the fryer. Dead.
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience: Layne uses pitfalls and sabotage to cause their demise.

A. Steve’s Character Profile — Red Herring

Traits: Mysterious. He’s Layne’s plant. No one knows why he’s there.
Fears: He doesn’t want to be discovered.
Wants/Needs: He wants to be believed. He needs to warn the others. Likability/Rooting Factors: People are confused by him.
How they react under stress: He’s blithely nonchalant.
Relationship with other characters: They are suspicious of him.

B. Steve’s Character Journey

Character Intro: The audience cheers. His story is unclear, unconvincing.
Denial: He believes he’s believable.
Their reaction at first horror: Unconcerned.
Relation to group after first horror: Why isn’t he upset by this? They mistrust him. Not sure if he’s friend or foe.
How they fight back: Has others do his bidding. End Point: He confirms Daisy’s suspicions that he’s a plant.
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience: He helps the others to understand that it’s not a fair game.

A. Alejandra’s (judge) Character Profile —

Traits: Superstar chef, empathic, helpful.
Fears: Leaving her family without her. Wants/Needs: She wants to help the other contestants. She needs to keep her mouth shut or be further harmed by Layne.
Likability/Rooting Factors: well-liked by the others. They respect her skills. How they react under stress: Can’t react much because of the steel superstructure keeping her head immobile.
Relationship with other characters: They idolize her.

B. Alejandra’s Character Journey

Character Intro: The flashback shows how she was maimed.
Denial: Thinks if she plays along, it will all be okay.
Their reaction at first horror: Dramatic screaming Relation to group after first horror: Layne wants to punish her by having the others throw knives at her head.
How they fight back: She pleads with Layne to spare her.
End Point: The others purposely miss, so Layne grabs a knife and finishes her himself. What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience: He’ll stop at nothing.

A. Dev’s (judge) Character Profile — “Jokester”

Traits: Regional Indian cookbook author. British. Jokester. Fears: Not acting to help will make him look like a coward.
Wants/Needs: He wants to see Finn die. He needs to support the contestants.
Likability/Rooting Factors: They find him distracting to their survival. How they react under stress: laughs inappropriately.
Relationship with others: They tolerate him.

B. Dev’s Character Journey

Character Intro: The flashback shows how he was maimed.
Denial: Believes he can save himself through humor.
Their reaction at first horror: He throws up.
Relation to group after first horror: They’re disgusted. He’s embarrassed.
How they fight back: He calls Layne out. Big mistake.
End Point: He dies at Layne’s hand.
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Oh, snap.</div><div>

A. Sophie’s (judge) Character Profile — Innocent

Traits: Nouvelle Cajun cuisine maven
Fears: She’s made a horrible mistake. Wants/Needs: She wants to promote her new Vegas restaurant. She needed to do it another way than participating.
Likability/Rooting Factors: Kind southern lady, well-liked. How they react under stress: Shock, disbelief.
Relationship with other characters: They want to visit her restaurant. Too bad they won’t get the chance.</div>

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>B. Sophie’s Character Journey

Character Intro: The flashback shows how she was maimed.
Denial: She doesn’t understand Layne orchestrates their demise.
Their reaction at first horror: She hides under the desk.
Relation to group after first horror: Fearful of them.
How they fight back: She doesn’t.
End Point: Layne shoves her into the dough mixer and turns it on.
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience: He’s not going to stop until we’re all dead.

A. Jimmy’s (judge) Character Profile — “Cheerleader”

Traits: Humanitarian. Feeds SFO’s unhoused from his Tenderloin restaurant.
Fears: He may be wrong about the goodness of humanity. Must deny true nature of humans and reframe everything.
Wants/Needs: Wants to make everything okay/better. Needs to look out for himself.
Likability/Rooting Factors: Likable but preachy.
How they react under stress: Tries to see the good in every adversity.
Relationship with other characters: Tries to get them to believe people are worth saving and that there’s good in the world. They’re not buying it.

B. Jimmy’s Character Journey

Character Intro: The flashback shows how he was maimed.
Denial: Believes Layne is somehow redeemable.
Their reaction at first horror: indignant
Relation to group after first horror: The others get tired of his toxic positivity very quickly. End Point: Layne locks the freezer door and forgets about him.
What insight do their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience: You can be the most caring person in the world, and it’s all for naught. Look out for yourself.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kim Jaspers.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kim Jaspers. Reason: formatting issues
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kim Jaspers. Reason: formatting issues

[Kim Jaspers]

Kim’s Monster Track Assignment #7<div>

What I might have the “REVEAL” and “DEMAND” reversed? I understood it as revealing something in the monster then creating demand to know more?

1. WHO IS THE MONSTER? Cooking show competition host Layne Bailey.

Powers? Preys on weakness. Deceptive, superficially charming, and manipulative. Boyish good looks and glib speech.

Limitations? He’s human and doesn’t possess otherworldly or superpowers. He has the same limitations as his victims, except he’s got the control to manipulate them.

Weaknesses? He has a soft spot for mothers. Terrified of boiling water.

Plan/purpose/appetite? To get higher ratings exploiting the misfortunes of the contestants. Control validates and helps him overcome his trauma (his mother dumping boiling water on him as a toddler).

2. SEQUENCE REVEALS/CREATE DEMAND:

ACT I – THE SETUP

Reveal: Layne is kibitzing with the judges before the show begins. Rapport. Demand: Curiosity. What is Layne’s role? Seems nice. Is he as deadly as he appears on his cooking show?

Reveal: Layne introduces the judges, all prior contestants. They are all maimed. Demand: Curiosity. Why are all the judges maimed? Does Layne have anything to do with that?

Reveal: Layne introduces the contestants — all have huge problems they are trying to win money to solve. Demand: Discovery. Will they be able to solve their problems?

Reveal: Layne tells the contestants’ stories in a half-supportive and half-disparaging manner. Does he support them or want to see them fail and be maimed? Demand: Characters try to figure out the mystery. Pick this apart piece by piece to reveal his true motivations.

Reveal: Layne presents the rules of the competition. Demand: Terror. How can anyone go up against this and survive? Look what happened to the judges when they were contestants.

Reveal: THE CONFESSIONAL BOOTH – Layne sends each contestant in to say their goodbyes to loved ones. Demand: Curiosity. Are they going to die?

Reveal: Layne spins the Mystery Ingredient Wheel. They’re impossible to work with. Demand: Figure it out. How can anyone go up against this?

Reveal: Layne spins the Cooking Method Wheel. He becomes reactive when “boiling” shows up on the wheel. Demand: Put the pieces together. Why is Layne’s reaction so strong to boiling?

Reveal: Layne eats a banana and throws the peel on the floor. Demand: Put together pieces. Why would he sabotage them?

Reveal: Layne spins the Mystery Ingredients Wheel. Demand: Characters try to figure out the mystery. How can anyone go up against this?

Reveal: Layne spins the wheel of consequences. Demand: Terror. Horrible fates confront the losers.

Reveal: Layne allows them a chance to walk away but tells them they will receive no assistance with their life problems and can never apply to the show again. Demand: Conflict. Horrible fates confront the losers either way.

Reveal: Layne summons the armed guards. Demand: Terror: No turning back.

ACT II – THE POINT OF NO RETURN – Isolated, trapped, abducted.

Reveal: Layne shackles the contestants to their workstations. Demand: Terror. After what they’ve already heard about their potential fates, there’s no way this can end well for them.

Reveal: The judges reveal how that part of the competition felt for them — the fear of being shackled to their stoves. Demand: Escalating terror. What is in store?

Reveal: Layne gleefully starts the clock for the first round of play. Demand: Figure it out. The contestants need to move forward.

Reveal: The contestants rush to the pantry/fridge area and are choked by their too-short chains. They can’t get there. Demand: Terror. Why are they being held back? Torture.

Reveal: He loosens their chains so they can participate. Demand: Curiosity – Why is he doing this? Does he have empathy?

Reveal: He gleefully starts the clock for the competition and tells the contestants to begin. Demand: Curiosity – What’s in it for him?

Reveal: Charlotte slips on the banana peel and falls face-first in the fryer. Demand: Terror

Reveal: Layne gleefully toys with the contestants. He craves attention. Demand: Figure it out. Daisy notes it. She’s building a mental profile.

Reveal: Layne turns on the stove at Steve’s station and nearly asphyxiates him. Demand: Discovery – Why is he sabotaging?

Reveal: Layne is pissed at judge Dev when he calls Layne out for the gas thing. Layne forces Dev to eat ghost peppers until he has a cardiac arrest. Demand: Terror to hysteria.

Reveal:Finn cuts himself, and the judges can’t eat his food. Layne cuts off his finger, puts it on ice, and tells him, “win, you’ll get the finger back, and they can reattach it. Demand: terror

Reveal: Layne uses the brûlée torch to cauterize Finn’s wound. He gives Finn morphine and sends him back in. Demand: terror

Reveal: Daisy finds a note on the floor that indicates Layne has orchestrated the contestants’ real-life problems to get them into the competition. Demand: Characters figure it out.

ACT III – FULL-OUT HORROR

Reveal: Layne picks out a contestant for death. Demand: terror.

Reveal: Alejandra advocates for the remaining contestants, Layne kills her. Demand: Terror

Reveal: When Daisy and Finn lure Layne into their workstations and subdue him, their insubordination bus them a new challenge — SUDDEN DEATH COOK OFF. Only one will survive. Demand: Conflict

REVEAL: Instead of fighting each other, Daisy reveals what she’s figured out about Layne’s fears and weaknesses, and they turn the tables on him. DEMAND: Characters figure it out.

</div>

[Kim Jaspers]

Kim Jaspers’s Character Death Track

I learned from this assignment that the kitchen can be a deadly place.

1. Give us the order your characters die in. With each character, tell us the why and how.

Character Death 1: Charlotte – Why: While running to gather ingredients, Charlotte slips on a banana peel Layne tosses in her path. How: She falls headfirst into the fryer. Gross.

Character Death 2: Steve – Why: He asphyxiates. How: Layne turns the gas on his stove with the flame off. CO2 poisoning.

Character Death 3: Dev – Why: He catches Layne sabotaging Steve and calls Layne out. The insubordination causes Layne to force Dev, a huge chili aficionado, to eat ghost peppers until he has a cardiac arrest. Layne spins a wheel of “unfortunate ingredients.”

Character Death 4: Alejandra – Why: She tries to escape.
How: Layne has the remaining judges and contestants have a knife-throwing challenge to kill her. It’s how she got the injury in a previous competition.

Character Death 5: Sophie – Why: After the discovery that Layne is behind what brought them to the competition, Sophie goes after Layne with the brûlée torch.
How: Layne shoves Sophie into the huge dough mixer and turns it on.

Character Death 6: Jimmy – Why: Jimmy makes a call to try to save Sophie. How: Layne wheels Jimmy into the walk-in freezer, and we forget about it.

Character Death 7: Finn – Why: Finn, a boxer, takes on the crew and Layne with his bare hands.
How: Layne decapitates Finn on The Cutting Board.

Character Death 8: Daisy’s husband Freddy – Why: He is summoned to the competition by Layne so Daisy can confront him. She officially pays off the debt. Then she says she wants the cartel to take him. She’s done with him.

Character Death 9: Layne: Daisy turns into a stone-cold killer. She takes care of Layne herself with the brûlée torch — sets him on fire.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kim Jaspers.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kim Jaspers.

[Kim Jaspers]

Kim’s Horror Situations for THE CUTTING BOARD – Assignment #5

What I learned from this assignment is: Have at lfiveast one horror situation and reaction every 5 or so pages to keep the audience tense, but counter those situations with intermittent releases to lull them into complacency.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Atmosphere of Evil established: Host Layne introduces the judges in the macabre culinary contest show. All were prior contestants.

Horror Situation #1: The judges are all maimed.

Reaction – solve it: Apprehension, curiosity, trepidation. If the judges are maimed, will the contestants also be injured in the competition?

Horror Situation #2: Layne announces the terrifying rules of the competition.

Reaction – panic: Daisy faints. She looks like she won’t hold up well.

Connect with the characters: Layne introduces the contestants and shares their backstories. We develop empathy for them.

Horror Situation #3: All the contestants’ stories are horrible. They’re desperate.

Reaction – fight: They’re ready to play to get out of their problems.

The characters are warned not to do it:

Horror Situation #4: The audience screams at the contestants. “Nooo, you’re going to die. Turn back now.”

Reaction – denial: No one leaves because they need the money too badly.

Denial of Horror: They must rationalize their participation because they already know they face a grim fate. They’ve seen the show — it’s number 1.

Horror Situation #5: Layne tells them, “This is your last opportunity to leave.” Once you go, you can not return and you will face your consequences.”

Reaction – denial: Hopeful they can turn their circumstances around, the contestants ignore the warning and decide to pris taken with the game.

Safety taken away: They are isolated on a closed set.

Horror Situation #6: The armed guards lock the doors.

Reaction – fight: Fear, dread.

Horror Situation #7: Each contestant goes into the CONFESSIONAL BOOTH.

Reaction – solve it (?): They say their goodbyes to loved ones.

Horror Situation #8: They see the spaces on the roulette wheel, their mystery ingredients and prep methods for the first round.

Reaction – solve it: They assess the situation to make their best plays.

Horror Situation #9: Horrible mystery ingredients and preparation methods.

Reaction – solve it: They must focus on their cooking performance.

Monster: The nature of the beast: Layne gleefully toys with them to get a rise from the audience, judges, and contestants. He feeds off the attention.

Horror Situation #10: The spin of the wheel reveals methods of consequence, including saws and sledgehammers. Layne is joyous.

Reaction – escape: They try to run, but they’re trapped.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted:

Horror Situation #11: Layne announces they can have a five-minute CHALLENGE to fthe equipmenting only what equipment is available to their workstations. If successful, they win some $$ (not enough) and can escape the competition.

Reaction – escape: They try to get the chains off to no avail.

Horror Situation #12: The judges share how that moment when they realized they couldn’t escape felt for them.

Reaction – denial, fight: Contestants must control their anxiety and fear to perform.

Horror Situation #13: Layne starts the clock for the first round of cooking.

Reaction – solve it: The contestants run to select their ingredients and devise their dishes.

Character Death: They’re maimed one by one.

Horror Situation #14: One contestant slips and falls face-first into the fryer.

Reaction: Hysteria.

Horror Situation #15: Daisy cuts herself. The judges can’t eat her plate of food.

Reaction – fight: She begs not to be “cut.”

Horror Situation #16: Layne chops off one of Daisy’s fingers.

Reaction – solve it: Charlotte and her competitors are terrified.

Horror Situation #17: Layne uses the Brûlée torch to cauterize her wounds.

Reaction: She’s in shock from the unbearable pain. They give her morphine and send her back in.

MIDPOINT – The monster is worse than we thought: The contestants discover that Layne has orchestrated the problems that brought them to the show.

Horror Situation #18: Daisy finds a sheet of paper that has fallen from Layne’s pocket. She learns that Layne has orchestrated their misfortunes. She shares this information with the remaining contestants between rounds.

Reaction – solve it: Duped and betrayed, they vow revenge against Layne.

Horror Situation #19: Contestants are convinced if Layne orchestrated the situations that brought them to the show, he has also orchestrated the outcome.

Reaction – solve it: Paranoia. They’re convinced Layne has also orchestrated the outcome of the competition.

ACT 3 – FULL OUT HORROR

Fight to the death: Each round sees the contestants fighting for their lives in the competition. At the end, one of the four contestants will die.

Horror Situation #20: A contestant is picked to die a gruesome death.

Reaction – escape: She tries to cut off her shackled foot.

Hysteria: Daisy and Finn watch in horror. They beg for her life to be spared.

Horror Situation #21: Alejandra is killed.

Reaction – solve it, fight: While they watch offstage, Finn and Daisy devise a plan to kill Layne and escape during the dessert round.

The thrilling escape from death:

Horror Situation #22: Daisy and Finn lure Layne into their workstation space, threaten him with knives, and demand the key to the shackles. He gives it to them, and they unchain themselves.

Reaction – escape: They try to escape but are quickly subdued.

Horror Situation #23: Their insubordination buys Daisy and Finn a new challenge — a “SUDDEN DEATH COOK OFF.”

Reaction – fight. Knowing one of them will die, they prepare to battle each other.

Horror Situation #24: A sympathetic judge unplugs the power, and the lights go out.

Reaction – fight: When the lights come back on, Daisy and Finn are standing there with knives on Layne.

Horror Situation #25: Kill the host.

Reaction – fight: Daisy and Finn kill Layne.

Horror Situation #26: They give her back her finger, which has been on ice.

Reaction – escape: The medics wheel Daisy off stage on a gurney.

[Kim Jaspers]

Kim’s Horror Plot – Assignment #4

what I learned doing this assignment is: it’s a great template and my answers are likely to change as I work with the story elements.

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established: Host Layne Bailey introduces the judges in the macabre cooking show competition. They were all contestants previously, and now they are severely maimed. We wonder, “is this connected to the experience of the present contestants?”
Connect with the characters: The judges have illustrious culinary backgrounds and are humanitarians and helpers in their communities.
The characters are warned not to do it: The audience screams at them to cut and run. One of the judges makes a comment, but they already know they’re toast. They’re committed. <div>

Denial of Horror: They must rationalize their participation in their minds because they already know they face a grim fate. They’ve seen the show. “If I could only win that money, my life would be better. I only have a 25% chance of dying in this competition. Rationalization, justification.

Safety taken away: They are on a closed set and ceremoniously shackled to their work stations. But they still have knives.

Monster: The lights go off, and when they come back on, we see Layne’s evil grin. He’s got boyish good looks and charm. He’s reliable and is a man of his word. In the fiendish of ways.

ACT 2 — THE POINT OF NO RETURN: Isolated on the set and shackled to their workstations, they are as vulnerable as they can be.
One of us killed: Charlotte cuts herself in the first round, so the judges can’t eat the food. She loses a couple of fingers. The crew cauterizes her wounds with a brûlée torch, gives her a shot of morphine, and sends her back in.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>MIDPOINT: The monster is worse than we thought!

Full pursuit by the killer: The contestants learn that Layne has orchestrated the problems that brought them to the show. They’re now convinced that the outcome of the competition will also be orchestrated.
He toys with them for dramatic effect and humor.

ACT 3 — FULL-OUT HORROR

Fight to the death: Each round sees the contestants fighting for their lives in the competition. After all is said and done, one of the four contestants is slated for death.

Hysteria: The contestants are forced to watch the fates of the others who lose the round. They become hysterical during the anticipation of the judging and as the penalties are executed. It manifests as screaming, trying to escape, frantic but fruitless bargaining, etc.

The thrilling escape from death: Daisy prevails in every round but watches her teammates get maimed. She loses a few fingers but is simultaneously relieved and traumatized.

Death returns to take one or more: Bonus round! They spin the wheel and win immunity or die.

Resolution: Daisy is alive and now rich, but her psyche is permanently altered. She now resents her husband for gambling and risking their lives. She gets her husband back from the cartel, and she asks Layne to kill him. He’s happy to oblige, and he contacts the cartel. Daisy wants to be a future judge on the show.

</div>

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kim Jaspers.

[Kim Jaspers]

ASSIGNMENT – DAY 3

What I learned from this assignment is: I can carefully construct my characters to make the horror more authentic or to provide humor/release.

1. Tell us your Concept and the Group you have chosen: My CONCEPT is a dystopian cooking competition television show. The MONSTER is show host Layne Bailey. The GROUP is SINNERS — “A group of strangers who are selected as victims because of their perceived sins.”

MOVIE: THE CUTTING BOARD

GROUP: SINNERS.

DYING PATTERN: A. The contestants will die one by one as they are cut from the competition.

CHARACTERS:

INNOCENT: Daisy Montoya, an unassuming housewife in her mid-fifties, stole from a ruthless drug cartel to save her husband from his gambling debts. Her objective is to pay off the cartel. She is the “protagonist” and has the greatest character arc.

REBEL/RULE BREAKER: Champion boxer Finn Boyle was convicted of murder after a fateful match in which he killed his opponent. He was granted a new trial and will use his winnings to mount his defense and gain his freedom.

OUT OF CONTROL: About to lost the Midwest farm that’s been in her family for generations after her online shopping addiction left her broke, Charlotte Hopenaught would use her winnings to get out of debt and save the farm.

MORAL ONE: Steve. According to the host, “we’re not really sure why he’s here, but we suspect it’s voluntary. He just thought it would be fun to participate.” He emerges as “the moral one” who got himself on the show to undermine it.

[Kim Jaspers]

Kim’s Terrifying Monster

I learned from this assignment that I can create a convincing monster by following these guidelines to get to the core of its essence.

1. Tell us what or who your monster is.

My monster is dystopian cooking competition show host, Layne Bailey.

2. Give us a few sentences for each of the following for your monster:

Their Terror: Layne places contestants in terrifying, potentially deadly, and inescapable predicaments for the sake of ratings.
How does he pursue this? He preys on vulnerable people desperate for money to right the wrongs in their lives.

Isolation: Contestants are on a closed, inescapable set, shackled to their stoves. Once they’ve chosen to participate, there’s no turning back. Armed guards monitor the exits.

Mystery: How can we survive and maintain bodily integrity?

Their Fear-Provoking Appearance: He a deranged psychopath with a trustworthy and innocent-looking visage.

Their Rules: He victimizes people who’ve made mistakes and desperately need to turn their lives around. He believes in free will and that those who make poor life decisions should be held accountable publicly. He uses humor to disarm everyone so he can manipulate them. He’s opportunistic, and the grim fate of the contestants is always tied to the bottom line. Spoiler alert – the gruesome show is wildly successful.

Their Mythology: He’s got a back story, and it’s a doozy.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kim Jaspers.

[Kim Jaspers]

SUBJECT LINE: ASSIGNMENT #1 HORROR CONVENTIONS

What I learned from this assignment was: The conventions of horror and that I couldn’t find anything similar to my concept.

TITLE/CONCEPT: In THE RITUAL, Luke hides while his friend Hutch is killed in a liquor store robbery. Luke’s remaining three friends blame him. The four friends honor Hutch by hiking in the Swedish wilderness.

TERRORIZE THE CHARACTERS: The elements, getting lost, horrific nightmares, ritualized sacrifice.

ISOLATION: The Swedish forest.

DEATH: First is the death of Hutch in the liquor store robbery. Then the four friends, deep in the woods, come across a freshly-killed animal high up in the trees. Weird, ritualized killings.

MONSTER/VILLAIN: In the attic of the remote cabin is a creepy sculpture made of sticks. It’s a representation of the monster to which human beings and animals are sacrificed.

HIGH TENSION: Which direction to hike, most notably. Friend Dom twists his knee badly and the group slows down to accommodate him.

DEPARTURE FROM REALITY: It takes on a supernatural tone with the monster, the thing of Scandinavian fables and legends. It enters dreams, even capable of causing physical injuries.

MORAL STATEMENT: If you fail to act with courage, it will probably be the death of you. “Better to die on your feet than live on your knees” kind of statement.

MY STORY’S HORROR CONVENTIONS

TITLE/CONCEPT: The Cutting Board — a terrifying dystopian television cooking competition.

TERRORIZE THE CHARACTERS: If a participant loses the round, a body part is chopped off.

ISOLATION: Confined to a studio kitchen set from which they cannot leave.

DEATH: Maiming is ratcheted up to death. Upon learning they’ve been manipulated by the show, the contestants become paranoid and turn on each other and everyone else.

MONSTER/VILLAIN: The Show itself.

HIGH TENSION: Timed rounds of play with high stakes.

DEPARTURE FROM REALITY: This is out of the bounds of the normal in all respects.

MORAL STATEMENT: There is no free lunch.

[Kim Jaspers]

I’m Kim Jaspers, and I’ve written five feature-length screenplays over the past ten years or so, several shorts, and a television pilot. My goal in the course to strengthen my understanding of horror conventions and write a killer script.

[Kim Jaspers]

1. Kim Jaspers

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Kim Jaspers]

Day 15 Assignment

Subject Line: Kim J’s Thriller Map for

THE FEDERATION WEST by Kim Jaspers

LOGLINE: A struggling artist pulled into an alternate reality must vanquish the demons she’s created in her graphic novel to free herself and save humanity.

INT. CAROL’S DINING ROOM – DAY

SAGE GREELEY (25) frantically works on her graphic novel, THE FEDERATION WEST. Her mom’s dining room wall is papered with her illustrations. We see meticulously detailed notecards on a bulletin board laying out the story beats. Sage tells her mom CAROL (60) she’s going to save humanity through her graphic novel. Carol’s concerned and asks if she’s taking her medication. Sage says, “yes,” but we see Sage in the bathroom mirror as she raises a pill to her lips. Smash to black, the toilet FLUSHES. Sage establishes herself as an unreliable protagonist.

INT. ALKALOID PUBLISHING OFFICE – DAY

Publisher J.J. (40) and his editor, DIANA (32), review Sage’s manuscript. We don’t see their faces during their exchange, focusing instead on the manuscript.

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION – DAY

J.J.’s mysterious WIFE (35) looks at the manuscript, her face obscured by a sun hat, as she talks to J.J. on the phone about it. J.J., whose face we don’t see, tells his Wife that the author’s mother has LPS conservatorship over her. J.J. reveals a producer friend wants to buy the movie rights before the book is even published. Unwitting Sage is on the cusp of a 7-figure book and movie deal.

EXT. SANTA CRUZ BEACH BOARDWALK – DAY

A frequent flyer at the Boardwalk, Sage waits in line to ride the Cliff Hanger. A woman with wild hair, a ratty fake fur jacket, and grungy clothing, LINDSEY (35), watches the ride from a nearby lemonade stand. When Sage gets off the ride and walks away, Two SHADOWY MEN (55 and 60) follow her. Lindsey steps out to walk side by side with Sage and tells her she’s being followed. When the men get too close, Lindsey grabs Sage, and they run off the Boardwalk–

EXT. BOARDWALK PARKING LOT – DAY

–And into the parking lot. They hide. When Sage asks who the men are following them, Lindsey deflects by saying, “it’s a lot to unpack.” When Sage asks Lindsey who she is and what she wants, she replies, “I’m Lindsey, and you need my help.”

INT. SANTA CRUZ DONUT SHOP – DAY

Sage and Lindsey hide in the donut shop to elude the Shadowy Men. However, Sage notices them on the sidewalk, and Sage and Lindsey hide underneath their booth to avoid detection.

Increasingly paranoid, Sage hears the VOICES (Juno and Minerva) talking about her (they appear throughout), concerned as Sage slips further into a delusional state.

INT. LINDSEY’S MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Sage and Lindsey go to Lindsey’s motel. The phone is ringing inside the room when they arrive. Lindsey refuses to answer the phone because it’s “them” calling. Who are they?

Sage tells Lindsey she needs to go home because her mom will worry that she’s missed dinner. So Lindsey drives Sage to Carol’s (Sage’s mom’s) house.

EXT. CAROL GREELEY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

A stranger, ANDREA (40), opens up, talks to Sage through the chain opening. Andrea says she’s a renter, that the rental agent told her that the woman who lived there before died. Sage is alarmed. She knows Carol is not dead. It’s Carol’s house.

Andrea shows Sage the rental agreement and suggests Sage call the police, but Sage can’t find her phone. When Sage asks to come in so she can look around and Andrea says, “I’m not letting some woman who claims this is her mother’s house into my home.”

Lindsey insists Sage go to the police. Sage declines stating the police “know her” from her history of incidents resulting in 5150 holds that they won’t take her concerns seriously, perhaps even initiate another hold on her. Lindsey is alarmed by Sage’s psychiatric history and her missing mother. Sage begs Lindsey’s help to figure out what’s going on. Lindsey agrees to help only if Sage goes to the police.

INT. SANTA CRUZ POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Sage reports Carol’s disappearance and Andrea posing as a renter in Carol’s home. When Sage says the woman indicated Carol might be dead, Desk Sergeant MORALES (60) sends officers to Sage’s home. He thinks Sage might be involved in Carol’s disappearance.

I/E. CAROL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Officers DEBS (45) and LUCERO (35) search Carol’s home and find nothing amiss, except Carol’s purse is still on her dresser. No strange woman. Sage insists that something’s happened to Carol. Lucero and Debs (who also know Sage) wonder if Sage might have something to do with Carol’s disappearance. No one’s sure of anything.

Sage tells Lindsey (who’s waiting in the car) she’s going to go home. Lindsey refuses to let her, saying it’s not safe, insists Sage go with her. Sage reluctantly agrees.

INT. LINDSEY’S MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

While Lindsey is in the shower, Sage fishes around in Lindsey’s ratty purse and finds a designer wallet full of cash and expensive sunglasses inconsistent with Lindsey’s post-grunge vibe. Lindsey’s suitcase is locked.

INT. LINDSEY’S CADILLAC – NEXT MORNING

Sage still can’t get a hold of Carol. Finally, Lindsey convinces Sage that it’s not safe to go home, so Sage accompanies Lindsey to Los Angeles.

I/E. CAROL’S HOUSE – DAY

Carol’s friend, FRAN (62), distressed she can’t get a hold of Carol, finds her in the laundry room in the basement. She woke up in the corner behind a laundry rack full of clothes, so the officers didn’t see her the night before. Carol has no memory of what happened. Someone locked the laundry room door from the outside, and Fran believes Sage is the only one who could have locked Carol down there. Carol refuses to believe that Sage would harm her.

INT. THE FEDERATION WEST CENTER (LOS ANGELES) – DAY

Lindsey brings Sage inside, and Sage sees the Federation West motto: “Interception, not Resurrection” from her graphic novel.

Lindsey hands Sage off to BEVERLY (65), who instructs Sage to sign some papers. Sage, distracted, signs. Lindsey walks out. Distressed at Lindsey’s departure, Sage gets up to follow her out. Security Guard PAUL (40) forcefully maneuvers Sage back into her chair. He and Beverly threaten her with hard restraints. Sage is now a captive at the Fed West Center but doesn’t understand why.

INT. SANTA CRUZ POLICE DEPARTMENT – DAY

Carol reports Sage missing. Morales is confused, as Sage reported Carol missing the night before. Carol plays the phone messages from Sage left from Lindsey’s phone, but the number is blocked. Sage, now incommunicado, doesn’t know Carol has been found. Carol’s calls to Sage’s phone go directly to VM.

INT. SVEN’S FEDERATION WEST OFFICE – DAY

Sage sits in front of her graphic novel villain, SVEN (45). He has a copy of Sage’s manuscript and insists she explain how she knows the story. Sage says, “I wrote it.” Shocked, Sage asks how Sven got the manuscript and if he knows about her mother’s disappearance. Sven demands to know if the manuscript has been circulated. He indicates the novel’s critical battle will ensure The Federation West’s destruction and that Sage must revise it. Sage refuses, believing it will alter the fate of humanity, mirroring the novel’s story. Sven calls his thugs.

INT. FED WEST INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Sven’s security THUGS restrain Sage in a chair and tase her for information about who else has seen the graphic novel. She refuses to tell them anything. They take her back to Sven.

INT. SVEN’S FEDERATION WEST OFFICE – DAY

Sven demands she rewrite the battle under threats of more torture. The voices in Sage’s head return telling her she’d better make the changes/better not make the changes. Sage buys time by saying she needs a good editor and she cannot do a rewrite hungry. She goes to the cafeteria.

INT. FEDERATION WEST CAFETERIA – DAY

At her table, the African American man introduces himself as publisher “J.J.” — Sage is very excited, “J.J. Jacobs?” “I’m Sage Greeley” “Oh, yes, Sage. I remember your graphic novel. What are we doing living in it?” Paul brings J.J.’s editor Diana to the cafeteria, and Sage is firmly convinced she’s living in her graphic novel. She now believes The Federation West has also snatched her publisher and editor too.

INT. SAGE’S ROOM AT THE FED WEST CENTER – NIGHT

A guard brings Sage her to her windowless, locked room. She hears a familiar male voice screaming lyrics from his popular anti-drug song. It’s TREY MONTERO (30), a famous pop singer whose battle with schizophrenia has been very public, and he sounds seriously ill. Is he real or a fabrication of Sage’s skewed reality?

In the morning, when her door opens automatically, Sage inspects the lock mechanism closely.

INT. FED WEST CAFETERIA – DAY

Alarmed at Sage’s level of disturbance, Diana asks if Sage takes medication for her “thoughts.” Sage reveals she hasn’t taken medication in weeks, says it dulls her creativity.

INT. FED WEST CLASSROOM – DAY

Sven leads a group at the center. Sage, J.J., and Diana are there when Trey is brought in. He’s emaciated, disheveled, and delusional. Sage insists they’re mistreating him at the Center and is obsessed with helping him.

INT. SAGE’S ROOM – NIGHT

When Sage returns to her room, she slips a bit of folded paper into the door lock mechanism to prevent it from locking securely.

Sage hears Trey again screaming that he wants to die, needs his meds. The noise stops suddenly. Sage slips out of her room to investigate and finds he’s hung himself in his bathroom. She gets him down, revives him, tells him she’s going for help.

INT. DORMITORY CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Sage sneaks out and sees Sven and Lindsey dragging something heavy that looks like a body rolled up in a sheet. Sage believes it’s Trey. Sven and Lindsey shove the body into the incinerator. When she sees Sven and Lindsey kiss passionately, Sage learns her mentor and villain are romantically involved. She’s starting to put the puzzle together, but whether it’s objective reality or Sage’s delusion is still unclear.

INT. FEDERATION WEST CLINIC – NIGHT

Diana sneaks into the clinic and reads Sage’s and Trey’s chart notes. We learn that Lindsey is actually the treating psychiatrist and that she’s filing for LPS conservatorship of Sage and Trey to get at their money — his current and her future. She found out about Sage’s potential 7-figure deal from her conversation with husband J.J. at the story’s beginning. She plans to use her patients’ money to take off with Sven.

Sven is actually an orderly Lindsey fell in love with and moved up the ranks to an administrator.

Diana is actually a therapist who is part of the game to make Sage believe she’s living in her graphic novel as a psychiatric “treatment” (Lindsey claims she can cure psychotic disorders without medication – Sage and Trey are her “subjects” – but she’s really after their money). J.J.Fed West Diana and Fed West J.J. are role-playing.

After an ethical crisis, Diana steals some medication for Sage to try to help her get well enough to escape.

INT. CAFETERIA – DAY

Diana slips Sage some pills, and Sage confronts Diana. She sees Trey there, so she wonders who Sven and Lindsey put in the incinerator. Are there more “subjects”?

INT. SVEN’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Sage breaks into Sven’s office and finds: 1) her dead phone (she charges it immediately), 2) paperwork related to her and Trey, 3) a letter opener with a metal blade, and 4) a .38 revolver. She pockets the gun, puts the letter opener in her sock.

She turns on the location services knowing that her mother can track her on the “find my phone” locator. Poised to dial Carol’s number, Sage hears footsteps outside the door. She hides underneath Sven’s desk and turns off the phone just as Sven enters. When he slides his feet underneath his desk, he finds Sage. He drags her out, and she loses the gun. He tries to kill her, but she kills him first with the letter opener.

INT. DIANA’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Diana is at home and hears a glass break. She follows her cat’s red wine pawprints into her kitchen, where Lindsey is waiting with a gun. Lindsey kills Diana.

INT. CAROL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Carol’s phone dings, waking her up. The locator says Sage’s cell phone has been located in Los Angeles, some 300 miles away.

EXT. FED WEST GROUNDS – NIGHT

When Sage leaves Sven’s office, Lindsey sees her and runs after her. Sage breaks a 2nd-floor window and climbs out of the building to the lawn. Lindsey takes the stairs, catches Sage as she’s climbing over the perimeter fence. Lindsey knocks Sage out cold.

INT. SANTA CRUZ POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Carol shows Morales the location of the phone. He calls the LAPD.

I/E. LAPD SWAT COMMAND CENTER – DAY

SWAT suits up for a raid on the Fed West Center.

EXT. FED WEST FRONT ENTRANCE – DAY

The real J.J. shows up at the Center to confront his wife, Lindsey. We learn the J.J. at the Center is an imposter and part of Lindsey’s ruse.

INT. SAGE’S ROOM – DAY

Sage awakens in her room, restrained to the bed. Lindsey is going to draw blood to prove her medication non-compliance — FAKE J.J. assists. They remove one arm restraint, and Sage fights them both off and frees herself from the restraints. She’s pure adrenalin. She grabs the hypodermic needle Lindsey had and keeps J.J. and Lindsey at bay as she escapes, locking Lindsey and J.J. in the room.

INT. FED WEST SECURITY ROOM/FRONT ENTRANCE – DAY

Beverly watches multiple monitors and sees the REAL J.J. in front, looking for his wife, Lindsey, to confront her. The SWAT team arrives. Beverly learns something is going on and announces a “CODE BLACK” over the intercom. Lindsey instructs Beverly to get her and J.J. out of the locked room. Beverly informs Lindsey of the impending raid, says “it’s go time.” When Beverly goes into the stairwell to free Lindsey and J.J., Sage plunges a hypodermic in Beverly’s neck, knocking her out.

INT. FED WEST CENTER DORMITORY FLOOR – DAY

There’s a SWAT raid—lots of action. Paul is on the floor with a gun, shoots an officer in the vest. SWAT kills Paul. Lindsey and FAKE J.J. are arrested. Sage is found safe.

INT. CAROL’S HOUSE – DAY

Sage is now home with Carol. A copy of her published graphic novel arrives. She and Carol toast Sage’s success. Sage tells Carol she’s learned her lesson and she will be faithful with her medication. She tells Carol she has a sequel to the graphic novel in mind. Carol is speechless.

INT. SAGE’S ROOM – NIGHT

That evening in bed, Sage tries to draw but can’t. She’s flat, listless, uninspired.

INT. SAGE’S BATHROOM – NIGHT

Sage looks at herself in the bathroom mirror, holding a pill up to her mouth. Carol yells to Sage that Trey is on the phone to congratulate her. Smash to black as the toilet FLUSHES. Sage’s V.O. “Hello?” as she answers the phone over black.

We suspect she’s ready for another adventure.

Thanks for reading!

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Kim Jaspers.

[Kim Jaspers]

Assignment 14 – KIM J’S READABLE THRILLER MAP

THE FEDERATION WEST by Kim Jaspers

LOGLINE: A struggling artist pulled into an alternate reality must vanquish the demons she’s created in her graphic novel to free herself and save humanity.

INT. CAROL’S DINING ROOM – DAY

SAGE GREELEY (25) frantically works on her graphic novel, THE FEDERATION WEST. Her mom’s dining room wall is papered with her illustrations. We see meticulously detailed notecards on a bulletin board laying out the story beats. Sage tells Carol she’s going to save humanity through her graphic novel. Carol’s concerned and asks if she’s taking her medication. Sage says, “yes,” but we see Sage in the bathroom mirror as she raises a pill to her lips. Smash to black, the toilet FLUSHES. Sage establishes herself as an unreliable protagonist.

INT. ALKALOID PUBLISHING OFFICE – DAY

Publisher J.J. and his editor, DIANA (32), review Sage’s manuscript. We don’t see their faces during their exchange, focusing instead on the manuscript.

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION – DAY

J.J.’s mysterious WIFE looks at the manuscript, her face obscured by a sun hat, as she talks to J.J. on the phone about it. J.J., whose face we don’t see, tells his Wife that the author’s mother has LPS conservatorship over her. J.J. reveals a producer friend wants to buy the movie rights before the book is even published. Unwitting Sage is on the cusp of a 7-figure book and movie deal.

EXT. SANTA CRUZ BEACH BOARDWALK – DAY

A frequent flyer at the Boardwalk, Sage waits in line to ride the Cliff Hanger. A woman with wild hair, a ratty fake fur jacket, and grungy clothing, LINDSEY, watches the ride from a nearby lemonade stand. When Sage gets off the ride and walks away, Two SHADOWY MEN follow her. Lindsey steps out to walk side by side with Sage and tells her she’s being followed. When the men get too close, Lindsey grabs Sage, and they run off the Boardwalk–

EXT. BOARDWALK PARKING LOT – DAY

–And into the parking lot. They hide. When Sage asks who the men are following them, Lindsey deflects by saying, “it’s a lot to unpack.” When Sage asks Lindsey who she is and what she wants, she replies, “I’m Lindsey, and you need my help.”

INT. SANTA CRUZ DONUT SHOP – DAY

Sage and Lindsey hide in the donut shop to elude the Shadowy Men. Sage notices them on the sidewalk, and Sage and Lindsey hide underneath their booth to avoid detection.

Increasingly paranoid, Sage hears the VOICES (Juno and Minerva) talking about her (they appear throughout), concerned as Sage slips further into a delusional state.

INT. LINDSEY’S MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Sage and Lindsey go to Lindsey’s motel. The phone is ringing inside the room when they arrive. Lindsey refuses to answer the phone because it’s “them” calling. Who are they?

Sage tells Lindsey she needs to go home because her mom will worry that she’s missed dinner. Lindsey drives Sage to Carol’s (Sage’s mom’s) house.

EXT. CAROL GREELEY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

A stranger, Andrea, opens up, talks to Sage through the chain opening. Andrea says she’s a renter, that the rental agent told her that the woman who lived there before died. Sage is alarmed. She knows Carol is not dead. It’s Carol’s house.

Andrea shows Sage the rental agreement and suggests Sage call the police, but Sage can’t find her phone. When Sage asks to come in so she can look around and Andrea says, “I’m not letting some woman who claims this is her mother’s house into my home.”

Lindsey insists Sage go to the police. Sage declines stating the police “know her” from her history of incidents resulting in 5150 holds that they won’t take her concerns seriously, perhaps even initiate another hold on her. Lindsey is alarmed by Sage’s psychiatric history and her missing mother. Sage begs Lindsey’s help to figure out what’s going on. Lindsey agrees to help only if Sage goes to the police.

INT. SANTA CRUZ POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Sage reports Carol’s disappearance and Andrea posing as a renter in Carol’s home. When Sage says the woman indicated Carol might be dead, Desk Sergeant Morales sends officers to Sage’s home. He thinks Sage might be involved in Carol’s disappearance.

I/E. CAROL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Officers Debs and Lucero search Carol’s home and find nothing amiss, except Carol’s purse is still on her dresser. No strange woman. Sage insists that something’s happened to Carol. Lucero and Debs (who also know Sage) wonder if Sage might have something to do with Carol’s disappearance. No one’s sure of anything.

Sage tells Lindsey (who’s waiting in the car) she’s going to go home. Lindsey refuses to let her, saying it’s not safe, insists Sage go with her. Sage reluctantly agrees.

INT. LINDSEY’S MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

While Lindsey is in the shower, Sage fishes around in Lindsey’s ratty purse and finds a designer wallet full of cash and expensive sunglasses inconsistent with Lindsey’s post-grunge vibe. Lindsey’s suitcase is locked.

INT. LINDSEY’S CADILLAC – NEXT MORNING

Sage still can’t get a hold of Carol. Lindsey convinces Sage to Los Angeles with her that it’s not safe to return home.

I/E. CAROL’S HOUSE – DAY

Carol’s friend, Fran, distressed she can’t get a hold of Carol, finds her in the laundry room in the basement. She woke up in the corner behind a laundry rack full of clothes, so the officers didn’t see her the night before. Carol has no memory of what happened. Someone locked the laundry room door from the outside, and Fran believes Sage is the only one who could have locked Carol down there. Carol refuses to believe that Sage would harm her.

INT. THE FEDERATION WEST CENTER (LOS ANGELES) – DAY

Lindsey brings Sage inside, and Sage sees the Federation West motto: “Interception, not Resurrection” from her graphic novel.

Lindsey hands Sage off to BEVERLY, who instructs Sage to sign some papers. Sage, distracted, signs. Lindsey walks out. Distressed at Lindsey’s departure, Sage gets up to follow her out. Paul forcefully maneuvers Sage back into her chair. He and Beverly threaten her with hard restraints. Sage is now a captive at the Fed West Center but doesn’t understand why.

INT. SCPD – DAY

Carol reports Sage missing. Morales is confused, as Sage reported Carol missing the night before. Carol plays the phone messages from Sage left from Lindsey’s phone, but the number is blocked. Sage, incommunicado, doesn’t know Carol has been found. Calls to Sage’s phone go directly to VM.

INT. SVEN’S FEDERATION WEST OFFICE – DAY

Sage sits in front of her graphic novel villain, SVEN SVENSEN. He has a copy of Sage’s manuscript and demands she explain how she knows the story. Shocked, Sage asks how Sven got the manuscript and if he knows about her mother’s disappearance. Sven demands to know if the manuscript has been circulated. He indicates the novel’s critical battle will ensure The Federation West’s destruction and that Sage must revise it. Sage refuses, believing it will alter the fate of humanity, mirroring the novel’s story. Sven calls his thugs.

INT. FED WEST INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Sven’s security THUGS restrain Sage in a chair and tase her for information about who else has seen the graphic novel. She refuses to tell them anything. They take her back to Sven.

INT. SVEN’S FEDERATION WEST OFFICE – DAY

Sven demands she rewrite the battle under threats of more torture. The voices in Sage’s head return telling her she’d better make the changes/better not make the changes. Sage buys time by saying she needs a good editor and she cannot do a rewrite hungry. She goes to the cafeteria.

INT. FEDERATION WEST CAFETERIA – DAY

At her table, the African American man introduces himself as publisher “J.J.” — Sage is very excited, “J.J. Jacobs?” “I’m Sage Greeley” “Oh, yes, Sage. I remember your graphic novel. What are we doing living in it?” Paul brings J.J.’s editor DIANA to the cafeteria, and Sage is convinced she’s living in her graphic novel. She now believes The Federation West has also snatched her publisher and editor too.

INT. SAGE’S ROOM AT THE FED WEST CENTER – NIGHT

A guard comes for Sage to bring her to her windowless, locked room. She hears a familiar male voice screaming lyrics from his popular anti-drug song. It’s Trey Montero, a famous pop singer whose battle with schizophrenia has been very public. Is he real or a fabrication of Sage’s skewed reality?

In the morning, when her door opens automatically, Sage inspects the lock mechanism closely.

INT. FED WEST CAFETERIA – DAY

Alarmed at Sage’s level of disturbance, Diana asks if Sage takes medication for her “thoughts.” Sage reveals she hasn’t taken medication in weeks, says it dulls her creativity.

INT. FED WEST CLASSROOM – DAY

Sven leads a group at the center. Sage, J.J., and Diana are there when Trey is brought in. He’s emaciated, disheveled, and delusional. Sage is obsessed that they’re mistreating him.

INT. SAGE’S ROOM – NIGHT

When Sage returns to her room, she slips a bit of folded paper into the door lock mechanism to prevent it from locking securely.

Sage hears Trey again screaming that he wants to die, needs his meds. The noise stops suddenly. Sage slips out of her room to investigate and finds he’s hung himself in his bathroom. She gets him down, revives him, tells him she’s going for help.

INT. DORMITORY CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Sage sneaks out and sees Sven and Lindsey dragging something heavy that looks like a body rolled up in a sheet. Sage believes it’s Trey. Sven and Lindsey shove the body into the incinerator. When she sees Sven and Lindsey kiss passionately, Sage learns her mentor and villain are romantically involved. She’s starting to put the puzzle together.

INT. FEDERATION WEST CLINIC – NIGHT

Diana sneaks into the clinic and reads Sage’s and Trey’s chart notes. We learn that Lindsey is actually the treating psychiatrist and that she’s filing for conservatorship of Sage and Trey to get at their money — his current and her future. Diana is actually a therapist who is part of the game to make Sage believe she’s living in her graphic novel as a psychiatric “treatment” (Lindsey claims she can cure psychotic disorders without medication – Sage and Trey are her “subjects” – but she’s really after their money). Fed West Diana and Fed West J.J. are role-playing. Diana steals some medication for Sage.

INT. CAFETERIA – DAY

Diana slips Sage some pills, and Sage confronts Diana. She sees Trey there, so she wonders who Sven and Lindsey put in the incinerator. Are there more “subjects”?

INT. SVEN’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Sage breaks into Sven’s office and finds: 1) her dead phone (she charges it immediately), 2) paperwork related to her and Trey, 3) a letter opener with a metal blade, and 4) a .38 revolver. She pockets the gun, puts the letter opener in her sock.

She turns on the location services knowing that her mother can track her on the “find my phone” locator. Poised to dial Carol’s number, Sage hears footsteps outside the door. She hides underneath Sven’s desk and turns off the phone just as Sven enters. When he slides his feet underneath his desk, he finds Sage. He drags her out, and she loses the gun. He tries to kill her, but she kills him first with the letter opener.

INT. DIANA’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Diana is at home and hears a glass break. She follows red wine pawprints into her kitchen, where Lindsey is waiting with a gun. Lindsey kills Diana.

INT. CAROL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Carol’s phone dings, waking her up. The locator says Sage’s cell phone has been located in Los Angeles, some 300 miles away.

EXT. FED WEST GROUNDS – NIGHT

When Sage leaves Sven’s office, Lindsey sees her and runs after her. Sage breaks a 2nd-floor window and climbs out of the building to the lawn. Lindsey takes the stairs, catches Sage as she’s climbing over the perimeter fence. Lindsey knocks Sage out cold.

INT. SANTA CRUZ POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Carol shows Morales the location of the phone. He calls the LAPD.

I/E. LAPD SWAT COMMAND CENTER – DAY

SWAT suits up for a raid on the Fed West Center.

EXT. FED WEST FRONT ENTRANCE – DAY

The real J.J. shows up at the Center, wanting to confront his wife, Lindsey. We learn the J.J. at the Center is an imposter.

INT. SAGE’S ROOM – DAY

Sage awakens in her room, restrained to the bed. Lindsey is going to draw blood to prove her medication non-compliance — FAKE J.J. assists. They remove one arm restraint, and Sage fights them both off and frees herself from the restraints. She’s pure adrenalin. She grabs the hypodermic needle Lindsey had and keeps J.J. and Lindsey at bay as she escapes, locking Lindsey and J.J. in the room.

INT. FED WEST SECURITY ROOM/FRONT ENTRANCE – DAY

Beverly watches multiple monitors and sees the REAL J.J. in front, looking for his wife, Lindsey, to confront her. The SWAT team arrives. Beverly learns something is going on and announces a “CODE BLACK” over the intercom. Lindsey instructs Beverly to get her and J.J. out of the locked room. Beverly informs Lindsey of the impending raid, says “it’s go time.” When Beverly goes into the stairwell to free Lindsey and J.J., Sage plunges a hypodermic in Beverly’s neck, knocking her out.

INT. FED WEST CENTER DORMITORY FLOOR – DAY

There’s a SWAT raid—lots of action. Paul is on the floor with a gun, shoots an officer in the vest. SWAT kills Paul. Lindsey and FAKE J.J. are arrested. Sage is found safe.

INT. CAROL’S HOUSE – DAY

Sage is now home with Carol. A copy of her published graphic novel arrives. She and Carol toast Sage’s success. Sage tells Carol she’s learned her lesson and she will be faithful with her medication. She tells Carol she has a sequel to the graphic novel in mind. Carol is speechless.

INT. SAGE’S ROOM – NIGHT

That evening in bed, Sage tries to draw but can’t. She’s flat, listless, uninspired.

INT. SAGE’S BATHROOM – NIGHT

Carol yells to Sage that Trey is on the phone to congratulate her. Sage looks at herself in the bathroom mirror, holds a pill up to her mouth. Smash to black as the toilet FLUSHES. Sage’s V.O. “Hello?” as she answers the phone over black. We suspect she’s ready for another adventure.

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Kim Jaspers.
• This reply was modified 4 years ago by  Kim Jaspers.

[Kim Jaspers]

Assignment Day 13

Subject line: Kim J. Misdirects…When Appropriate!

I learned this is the assignment I washed out on. For whatever reason, I just couldn’t figure it out. I think I’m just not very strong in this aspect of thriller storytelling. Perhaps I can find some more effective misdirection points as I flesh out the story.

1. The Red Herring character (SVEN).

We believe Sven is the true villain (because he is the evil villain from the graphic novel) until we learn it’s actually grungy Lindsey from the Boardwalk who’s behind the evil plot.

2. The Villain’s plan.

We misdirect the audience by letting them believe J.J.’s wife and Lindsey are two completely different people.

We believe J.J.’s mysterious wife is behind Sage’s kidnapping but later find out the mysterious wife is actually Lindsey.

3. Character Misdirection.

We don’t see the full faces of J.J., his Wife, and Diana. They play dual roles.

4. Clue Misdirection.

Lindsey has no money in her wallet at the lemonade stand. Later, at the motel and while Lindsey is in the shower, Sage searches through Lindsey’s wallet and it’s full of cash.

We think Sven disposed of Trey’s body in the incinerator, but we later see Trey. So whose body did Sven put in the incinerator?

We hear the toilet flush as Sage puts a pill to her lips in the bathroom mirror. We assume she’s flushing her meds, but that is left open-ended in the resolution.

[Kim Jaspers]

ASSIGNMENT LESSON 12 – CLUES:

Subject Line: Kim J gives great clues!

I learned that most of my clues were already present in my “Events” from the mysteries. My Thriller Map will be a great blueprint for writing if I can get the beats right.

MYSTERY A: What’s going on with Sage?

CLUES A:

1. Sage is 25 and lives with her mother even though she has a job and her mother is only 60 and in good health.

2. Sage is obsessed and manic about her graphic novel.

3. Sage takes a handful of silver party store coins with her when she goes out if she has to pay “Charon the Boatman” to take her over the River Styx should she die. Mom Carol seems worried when Sage says this.

4. She talks with characters in her graphic novel illustrations as though they’re sentient beings. Carol purses her lips disapprovingly as Sage talks to her drawings.

5. The police don’t take her seriously (due to a long history of incidents related to her mental illness, causing the police to dismiss Sage and her mother).

6. Sage hides underneath her booth at the Donut Shop when she sees the men run past. She believes they’re out to get her.

7. She hears the voices of Juno and Minerva (Sage’s auditory hallucination voices) commenting on her behavior in the third person.

MYSTERY B: Why does Lindsey befriend Sage at the Boardwalk?

CLUES B:

1. Lindsey watches the ride Sage is on from a lemonade stand.

2. Lindsey steps out beside Sage on the Boardwalk and tells her she’s being followed. Sage sees the shadowy men.

3. When she tells Sage to run, they hide in the parking lot, crouching beside cars and peeking around bumpers in a very paranoid display. Sage falls for it.

4. Lindsey shows Sage a discarded newspaper in the Donut Shop, which says it’s 1995, the year before the critical battle in Sage’s graphic novel. It’s actually 2020.

5. When Sage goes through Lindsey’s purse, she sees her driver’s license, which expires in 1999.

6. When they go to Lindsey’s motel room to hide, the phone is ringing, and Lindsey refuses to answer it. She rips the phone from the wall.

MYSTERY C: Where’s my mother? Where’s my daughter?

CLUES C:

1. Lindsey shows Sage a missing flyer with Sage’s picture on it. Sage begins to believe she’s on another timeline.

2. When Sage goes to her mother’s house, which a “renter now occupies,” she notices her mother’s dog figurine on the mantle.

3. Sage slips on/finds a plastic coin left on the porch when she turns to leave, which she’d dropped when she left the house earlier that afternoon.

4. Carol’s cell phone no longer exists on the “find my phone.” The house phone number is “disconnected or no longer in service.”

5. Lindsey suggests they go to the police, but Sage refuses, saying the police “won’t believe me anyway. They never do.”

MYSTERY D: Is Sage really living in her graphic novel?

CLUES D:

1. Sage hasn’t been taking her medication.

1. Sage experiences auditory hallucinations – voices talking about her in the third person.

2. She sees the motto on the wall change from “Interception, not Resurrection” to “A safe space for creatives to explore and apply the contents of their TRUE MINDS to their art.”

3. She sees an illuminated EXIT sign read HELL, just like in her graphic novel.

4. She touches the door to the incinerator, and it’s hot. She burns her fingers and believes it’s their portal to HELL.

5. Sven brutalizes her to get her to change the outcome of a critical battle in the novel.

6. Her editor Diana is part of the ruse and discovers Sage hasn’t received her medication. Diana gets her medication.

UPDATED THRILLER MAP:

VILLAIN’S EVIL PLAN: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her “research” and to attract wealthy creatives with mental illness to her center. Lindsey learns Sage stands to get a 7-figure book and movie deal and wants to position herself to access that money via LPS conservatorship.

*OPENING: Sage is working on her graphic novel.

SAGE’S SECRET: (SET-UP) Sage is seriously mentally ill.

SAGE’S MYSTERY: Why does Sage behave as she does?

SAGE’S EVENTS:

1. Sage’s mania as she works on her graphic novel.

2. Sage tells Carol she is taking her medication. We believe her and think, “maybe she’s just an eccentric artist.”

3. Shares delusional beliefs with Carol. Carol observes Sage’s obsessive mania.

4. Sage hides something under the corner of her mattress.

PLOT TWIST: Sage has been lying to her mother about taking her medication.

POTENTIAL DANGERS:

Sage’s vulnerable state of mind colors every decision she makes from the outset of the film.

DEMAND FOR REVEAL: *We create the demand to know what’s going on behind Sage’s eccentric, artistic persona and odd behavior. The audience should be curious about her and want to follow her journey.

*We reveal some of the info in her conversation with Carol, then we confirm it more dramatically when we hear the voices inside Sage’s head talking about her in the third person.

TRUST BASIC STATE:

Hero Sage

A. Basic State – Mostly trustworthy. She lies to her mother about her medication compliance. She steals money from her mother and Lindsey but is otherwise trustworthy. Just don’t leave your wallet lying around in her presence.

B. Her condition makes her an “unreliable” protagonist. The audience can’t trust her perceptions of some events. The other characters view her as trusting and naive.

CLUES A:

1. Sage is 25 and lives with her mother even though she has a job and her mother is only 60 and in good health.

2. Sage sees a page from the novel come to life on the page.

3. Mom Carol is worried when Sage grabs a handful of toy coins on her way out if she has to pay “Charon the Boatman” to take her over the River Styx if she should die.

4. She talks with characters in her graphic novel illustrations as though they’re sentient beings. Carol purses her lips disapprovingly as Sage talks to her drawings.

5. Sage says the police don’t take her seriously, so she doesn’t report Carol missing.

6. Sage hides underneath her booth at the Donut Shop when she sees the men run past. Lindsey suggested, and Sage believes the men are out to get her.

7. She hears the voices of Juno and Minerva commenting on her behavior in the third person.

VILLAIN’S SECRET A: J.J.’s mysterious wife (whose face we don’t see) learns that 1: Sage’s mother has LPS conservatorship and 2: Sage stands to get a 7-figure book and movie deal from her graphic novel.

MYSTERY A: Who is J.J.’s wife? What does she want?

EVENTS A:

1. Phone call between J.J. and his wife sets up the motive and sets the plan in motion. The conversation is ambiguous.

PLOT TWIST A: Though the conversation doesn’t reveal it, we suspect J.J. and his wife may be involved in a ploy.

Who is J.J.’s mysterious wife?

DEMAND FOR REVEAL: *We create the demand to know who she is and what she’s up to through obscuring her face, revealing her posh environment, and through the conversation with her husband and Sage’s publisher, J.J., about Sage’s LPS Conservatorship and potential 7-figure book/movie deal.

*We reveal it at the Midpoint when Sage sees the mysterious woman kissing Sven in the Center after they’ve put something in the incinerator. When she turns around, we recognize her as Lindsey ~ not the scroungy Lindsey from the Boardwalk, but as J.J.’s mysterious wife and the psychiatrist running the Fed West/Free Will Center.

POTENTIAL DANGERS A:

1. Someone out for money and power is capable of anything, even murder.

2. Sage is at risk of losing everything, even her life.

3. Sage’s mother, Carol, is in danger too.

*INCITING INCIDENT: Sage meets Lindsey at the Boardwalk, and goes with her.

VILLAIN’S SECRET B: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her “research” and to attract wealthy creatives with mental illness to her center.

MYSTERY B: Why did Lindsey befriend Sage at the Boardwalk?

EVENTS B:

1. Lindsey appears seemingly out of nowhere.

2. Lindsey stalked the boardwalk ride and targeted Sage.

3. Two shadowy men follow Sage on the Boardwalk.

4. Lindsey tells Sage she’s being followed and helps her elude the shadowy men by running and hiding in the huge Boardwalk parking lot.

DEMAND FOR REVEAL: Who is Lindsey from the Boardwalk, and why is she helping Sage?

*We create the demand by showing Lindsey watching the ride Sage is on, observing the shadowy men following Sage, warning Sage she is being followed by the men and leading her in escaping them.

*We reveal she is there to “help” Sage when she helps Sage elude the shadowy men. “I’m Lindsey. You need my help.” We suspect it goes even deeper and look for more revelations later in the story.

TRUST BASIC STATE:

True Villain Lindsey/J.J.’s Mysterious Wife

A. TRUST BASIC STATE – Trusted by Sage, but shouldn’t be.

When Lindsey learns Sage is on the cusp of a 7-figure book and movie deal from husband and publisher, J.J.(Sage doesn’t know it yet). Lindsey lures Sage away from her mother, who has LPS conservatorship over Sage.

Lindsey lures Sage to Los Angeles to her Center for wealthy creatives with mental illness. In reality, Lindsey has staged a ruse that feeds into Sage’s delusional state of mind, leading her to believe she’s living in her graphic novel.

Creates situations in which she appears to be helping Sage but is luring her into a trap to gain access to Sage and her money that will follow.

B. Red herring villain Sven trusts Lindsey but shouldn’t. J.J. trusts Lindsey but shouldn’t until he becomes suspicious she’s having an affair.

POTENTIAL DANGERS B:

1. Sage’s mental health is getting worse.

2. Sage is susceptible to Lindsey’s manipulation.

TWIST B: We believe Lindsey is helping Sage, but Lindsey is manipulating her.

MYSTERY B CLUES:

1. Lindsey watches the ride Sage is on from a lemonade stand.

2. Lindsey steps out beside Sage on the Boardwalk and tells her she’s being followed. Sage sees the shadowy men.

3. When she tells Sage to run, they hide in the parking lot, crouching beside cars and peeking around bumpers in a very paranoid display. Sage falls for it.

4. Lindsey shows Sage a discarded newspaper in the Donut Shop, which says it’s 1995, the year before the critical battle in Sage’s graphic novel. It’s actually 2020.

5. When Sage goes through Lindsey’s purse, she sees her driver’s license, which expires in 1999.

6. When they go to Lindsey’s motel room to hide, the phone is ringing, and Lindsey refuses to answer it. She rips the phone from the wall.

TRUST BASIC STATE:

Publisher Jerome “J.J.” Jacobs:

A. Trustable, but appears untrustable. He appears involved in Lindsey’s ruse but is unaware of what she’s doing until he uncovers her affair with Sven. Sage trusts him. He helps her.

B. He trusts his wife, Lindsey, but shouldn’t. He uncovers her affair with Sven and turns on her. He also assists Sage from the final story beats to the resolution.

VILLAIN’S SECRET C: Separate Sage from her mother so she is isolated and vulnerable. Take her to the treatment facility and lock her up.

MYSTERY C: Where’s my mother? Where’s my daughter?

EVENTS C:

1. Sage is distressed that Carol may be dead but fears the police won’t believe her.

2. With nowhere else to go, Sage goes with Lindsey.

3. Carol discovers Sage is missing and goes to the police.

4. Because Sage has a history with the police from incidents relating to her mental illness, the police dismiss Carol’s concerns while Sage is in danger.

POTENTIAL DANGERS C:

1. Distressed by Carol’s disappearance, Sage exhibits poor judgment, makes poor decisions.

2. Lindsey sets up a ruse to make Sage believe it is her idea to go with Lindsey.

3. Without Carol, Sage has no allies, so she relies on Lindsey.

4. Carol fears Sage has been kidnapped, but the police dismiss her concerns. They know Sage from prior incidents.

5. Carol must investigate, but a run-in with Lindsey could cost Carol her life.

TWIST C1: We believe Sage will walk away from Lindsey after she learns her mother is missing. Instead, believing Lindsey is helping her, Sage asks to go with Lindsey.

TWIST C2: Carol is tied up in her basement. Her friend Fran finds her.

MYSTERY C CLUES:

1. Lindsey shows Sage a missing flyer with Sage’s picture on it. Sage begins to believe she’s on another timeline.

2. When Sage goes to her mother’s house, now occupied by a “renter,” she notices her mother’s dog figurine on the mantle.

3. Sage slips on a plastic coin left on the porch when she turns to leave, which she’d dropped when she left the house earlier that afternoon.

4. Carol’s cell phone no longer exists on the “find my phone.” The house phone number is “disconnected or no longer in service.”

5. Lindsey suggests they go to the police, but Sage refuses, saying the police “won’t believe me anyway. They never do.”

DEMAND FOR REVEAL: What happened to Sage’s mother, Carol?

*In the span of a few hours, Carol is missing from her home, and there is a renter there who indicates Carol may be dead.

*We reveal the detail of Carol’s dog figurine on the mantle. We later see the dramatic reveal when Carol’s friend, Fran, enters the house and discovers Carol tied up in the basement. Fran releases her, and they start to look for Sage.

TRUST BASIC STATE: Carol is trustworthy throughout Sage’s journey.

*TURNING POINT 1 (call to action): Sage asks to go with Lindsey. Sage begins her journey.

VILLAIN’S SECRET D: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her research at the Center in Los Angeles. She needs to bring her there.

MYSTERY D: What is this place? Why am I here? Wait, what -– you’re leaving me here?

POTENTIAL DANGERS D:

1. The inside of the Center is a simulation of Sage’s graphic novel. Sage doesn’t understand what is happening or why.

2. Lindsey drops Sage off and mentions Sven.

3. Sage is distressed at Lindsey’s leaving.

4. The security guard has handcuffs.

5. When Sage tries to leave, Beverly and Paul threaten her with hard restraints.

TWIST D: Lindsey takes Sage to the Center and leaves her there under Sage’s protests, revealing that she’s not Sage’s ally after all. Up to this point, we saw her as a helper.

MYSTERY D CLUES:

1. Sage hasn’t been taking her medication.

1. Sage experiences auditory hallucinations – voices talking about her in the third person.

2. She sees the motto on the wall change from “Interception, not Resurrection” to “A safe space for creatives to explore and apply the contents of their TRUE MINDS to their art.”

3. She sees an illuminated EXIT sign read HELL, just like in her graphic novel.

4. She touches the door to the incinerator, and it’s hot. She burns her fingers and believes it’s their portal to HELL.

5. Sven brutalizes her to get her to change the outcome of a critical battle in the novel.

6. Her editor Diana participates in the ruse and discovers Sage hasn’t been receiving her medication. Diana gets her medication.

*MIDPOINT: Sage believes she is living in her graphic novel — that she is their prophet. Sage sees/hears a popular rapper who has had a very public battle with mental illness. He’s in terrible shape, begging for help and at risk for suicide. Sage begins to suspect Lindsey is not who she seems to be. But are her suspicions just more paranoia and delusion?

Why is rapper Trey there? What’s going on with him?

*We create a demand for the reveal when Sage hears Trey singing in the Center (she recognizes his anti-drug rap song and sings, mouthing the chorus), then later when she catches a glimpse of him in terrible shape, begging for help, threatening suicide.

MIDPOINT DEMAND FOR REVEAL:

*We reveal that Trey is gravely mentally ill and that he is also Lindsey’s patient. Sage sees Sven put something (Trey’s body) in the incinerator, and then she observes Sven and Lindsey in a passionate moment immediately after. When Sage breaks into Sven’s office, she finds the “incident report” listing Trey as a “walk-away” from his “voluntary hospitalization” at the “Free Will Center.”

VILLAIN’S SECRET E: Lindsey created a simulation of Sage’s graphic novel to plunge Sage further into her delusional state.

MYSTERY E: Is Sage really living in her graphic novel?

EVENTS E:

1. Sage faces her graphic novel villain, Sven, who tries to force her to rewrite the battle’s outcome in her novel.

2. Sven has Sage tased, brutalized by his thuggish guards.

3. Sage finds the “Portal to Hell” from her graphic novel.

4. Sage sees Sven after he’s dumped something into the portal.

TWIST E: The “Portal to Hell” is actually an incinerator. Sven may be disposing of victims.

DEMAND FOR REVEAL: Is Sage really living in her graphic novel?

*We create the demand by showing all the players: Lindsey from the Boardwalk, Publisher J.J., Editor Diana, the motto on the wall, Villain Sven trying to force Sage to change the outcome of the critical battle in her novel, The “FEDERATION WEST – Interception, not resurrection” banner on the wall of the Center.

*The beginning of the dramatic reveal is when Sage sees the Federation West sign and motto replaced by “Free Will Institute – A safe space for creatives to explore and apply the contents of their TRUE MINDS to their art and craft.”

Sage is beginning to understand the truth.

TRUST:

Red Herring Character Sven

A. Not trustworthy. He tortures Sage. He would sell Lindsey out to save himself. She would do the same. Since they’re “in love,” they want to believe.

POTENTIAL DANGERS E:

1. Sven’s tactics might kill Sage (tasing, beating).

2. Sven might kill Sage if he’s found dumping something into the incinerator.

VILLAIN’ SECRET F: Staffers fear for their safety and careers, so they play along with Lindsey’s ruse to make Sage believe she is living inside her graphic novel.

MYSTERY F: Are the staff from inside the graphic novel, or are they role-playing?

EVENTS F:

1. Sage begins asking questions that can get her killed.

2. Diana is a key player in this game. She plays the role of J.J.’s editor. She’s concerned Sage isn’t getting medication.

TWIST F: Diana had played along with Lindsey’s drama plan, but she realizes it’s sinister and unethical and sneaks medication to Sage. She turns on Lindsey.

POTENTIAL DANGERS F:

People are at risk of being murdered to cover for Lindsey’s plans, including Sage.

DEMAND FOR REVEAL:

Who is Diana, and what does she want?

*We create the demand by showing she’s J.J.’s editor (as another character whose face we don’t yet see), then she shows up in the Center as an actor in Lindsey’s ploy.

*We reveal who she is dramatically when we see her sneak medication to Sage and see the lanyard around her neck, indicating she is a psychiatric social worker at the Center. She’s been playing a role in Lindsey’s ruse to convince Sage she’s living in her graphic novel, but she’s had an ethical awakening.

TRUST BASIC STATE:

Editor/Psychiatric Social Worker Diana:

A. Basic State Untrustable then becomes trustable.

B. She first works with Lindsey in the graphic novel ruse. She realizes how damaging and unethical Lindsey’s “treatment” modality of withholding medication and feeding delusions is. She will help Sage by crossing Lindsey and sneaking medication to Sage to help her escape in Act 2-B.

*TURNING POINT 2: Sage sees Lindsey and Sven in a romantic moment. Sage finds Diana dead. Trey has hung himself. She’s terrified she’ll be next. Lindsey tells Sage her mother has been found dead. Sage is now at the height of desperation.

VILLAIN’S SECRET G: Lindsey is the real villain, not graphic novel villain Sven. They killed Diana and were responsible for Trey’s “suicide.” We pursue the obvious, Sven’s graphic novel plan and his villain role, throughout the movie until we learn Lindsey is behind the whole thing.

MYSTERY G: Who is Lindsey? Who is Sven? Is J.J. involved?

EVENTS G:

1. Sage spies on them.

2. Sage breaks into Sven’s office.

3. Sage finds her phone. She activates the phone locator so Carol can find her – they have a “family plan” so Carol knows where Sage is at all times.

4. Sage finds a gun, her phone, and the “incident report” about Trey in Sven’s desk drawer.

5. J.J. comes to the Center to investigate his suspicions that his wife, Lindsey, is having an affair with someone she works with.

6. Beverly and Paul don’t allow J.J. access, citing patient confidentiality.

7. Lindsey does a change of clothes and meets J.J. outside.

8. Sage sees them outside talking. Lindsey is in a lab coat, but Sage recognizes Lindsey.

TWIST G: Scroungy Lindsey from the boardwalk is actually the savvy, manipulative psychiatrist who runs the Center.

POTENTIAL DANGERS G:

1. Lindsey will kill to keep her affair with Sven secret. Sage has seen them together.

2. If her affair with Sven is found out, J.J. may cut Lindsey off from her lavish lifestyle by divorcing her or putting her in prison. She won’t get access to Sage’s money for the book/movie deal. Lindsey’s now at her apex of desperation.

3. Sage is locked away, desperate, with no one to help her.

*CLIMAX: Sage escapes the building, but Lindsey intercepts her, knocks her out, and drags her back to the Center. J.J. sneaks into the Center. Sven battles with J.J. and almost kills him. Sage kills Lindsey.

*RESOLUTION: J.J. has tipped off the L.A.P.D. Carol has found out where Sage is. The L.A.P.D. arrive about the time Carol does. Carol and Sage reunite and go home.

Sage tries to draw but is uninspired, her affect flat. She looks at herself in the bathroom mirror, takes a pill from a bottle, raises it to her lips. Smash to black as we hear the toilet flush.

We’re led to believe that after Sage is safe at home with her mother, she’ll be compliant with her medication and control her psychiatric symptoms.

TWIST: Despite her ordeal, Sage still disposes of her meds.

[Kim Jaspers]

ASSIGNMENT 11 – Creating Demand for Reveals

Subject Line: Kim J’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned from this assignment is: I need to be selective in which cover-ups I create the demand/reveals for to achieve maximum impact. This has been the most difficult assignment so far for me. Rewriting the Thriller Map is also more difficult with so many more moving parts.

Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

1. Sage suffers from serious mental illness.

*We create the demand to know what’s going on behind Sage’s eccentric, artistic persona and odd behavior. The audience should be curious about her and want to follow her journey.

*We reveal some of the info in her conversation with Carol, then we confirm it more dramatically when we hear the voices inside Sage’s head talking about her in the third person.

2. Who is J.J.’s mysterious wife?

*We create the demand to know who she is and what she’s up to through obscuring her face, revealing her posh environment, and through the conversation with her husband and Sage’s publisher, J.J., about Sage’s LPS Conservatorship and potential 7-figure book/movie deal.

*We reveal it at the Midpoint when Sage sees the mysterious woman kissing Sven in the Center. When she turns around, we recognize her as Lindsey ~ not the scroungy Lindsey from the Boardwalk, but as J.J.’s mysterious and sophisticated wife and the psychiatrist running the Fed West/Free Will Center.

3. What happened to Sage’s mother, Carol?

*In the span of a few hours, Carol is missing from her home and there is a renter there who indicates Carol may be dead.

*We reveal the detail of Carol’s dog figurine on the mantle. We later see the big dramatic reveal when Carol’s friend, Fran, enters the house and discovers Carol tied up in the basement. Fran releases her and they start out to look for Sage.

4. Who is Lindsey from the Boardwalk and why is she helping Sage?

*We create the demand by showing Lindsey watching the ride Sage is on, observing the shadowy men following Sage, warning Sage she is being followed by the men, and leading her in escape them.

*We reveal she is there to “help” Sage when she helps Sage elude the shadowy men. “I’m Lindsey. You need my help.” We suspect it goes even deeper and look for more revelations later in the story.

5. Is Sage really living in her graphic novel?

*We create the demand by showing all the players: Lindsey from the Boardwalk, Publisher J.J., Editor Diana, the motto on the wall, Villain Sven trying to force Sage to change the outcome of the critical battle in her novel, The “FEDERATION WEST – Interception, not resurrection” banner on the wall of the Center.

*The beginning of the dramatic reveal is when Sage sees the Federation West sign and motto replaced by “Free Will Center – A safe space for creatives to explore and apply the contents of their TRUE MINDS to their art and craft.”

Sage is beginning to understand the truth.

6. Who is Diana and what does she want?

*We create the demand by showing she’s J.J.’s editor (as another character whose face we don’t yet see), then she shows up in the Center as an actor in Lindsey’s ploy.

*We reveal who she is dramatically when we see her sneak medication to Sage and see the lanyard around her neck indicating she is a psychiatric social worker at the Center. She’s been playing a role in Lindsey’s ruse to convince Sage she’s living in her graphic novel, but she’s had an ethical awakening.

6. Why is rapper Trey there? What’s going on with him?

*We create a demand for the reveal when Sage hears Trey singing in the Center (she recognizes his anti-drug rap song and sings, mouthing the chorus), then later when she catches a glimpse of him in terrible shape, begging for help, threatening suicide.

*We reveal that Trey is gravely mentally ill, and that he is also Lindsey’s patient. Sage sees Sven put something (Trey’s body) in the incinerator and then she observes Sven and Lindsey in a passionate moment immediately after. When Sage breaks into Sven’s office, she finds the “incident report” listing Trey as a “walk-away” from his “voluntary hospitalization” at the “Free Will Center.” Sage believes they’ve killed Trey.

[Kim Jaspers]

DAY 10 ASSIGNMENT – TRUST AND BETRAYAL

Subject Line: Kim’s Trust and Betrayal

What I learned is: A character seems more interesting if their trust level is fluid, if they seem one thing but are capable of another.

VILLAIN’S EVIL PLAN: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her “research” and to attract wealthy creatives with mental illness to her center. Lindsey learns Sage stands to get a 7-figure book and movie deal and wants to position herself to access that money.

*OPENING: Sage working on her graphic novel. Manic. Losing her grip on reality.

SAGE’S SECRET: (SET-UP) Sage is seriously mentally ill.

SAGE’S MYSTERY: Why does Sage behave as she does?

SAGE’S EVENTS:

1. Sage’s mania as she works on her graphic novel.

2. Sage tells Carol she is taking her medication. We believe her.

3. Shares delusional beliefs with Carol. Carol observes Sage’s obsessive mania.

4. Sage flushes something down the toilet.

PLOT TWIST: Sage has been lying to her mother about taking her medication.

POTENTIAL DANGERS:

Sage’s vulnerable state of mind colors every decision she makes from the outset of the film.

TRUST:

Hero Sage

A. Basic State – Mostly trustworthy. She lies to her mother about her medication compliance. She steals money from her mother and Lindsey, but is otherwise trustworthy. Just don’t leave your wallet lying around in her presence.

B. Her condition makes her an unreliable protagonist. The audience can’t trust her perceptions or some events. Other characters view her as trusting and naive.

VILLAIN’S SECRET A: J.J.’s wife learns that 1: Sage’s mother has LPS conservatorship and 2: Sage stands to get a 7-figure book and movie deal from her graphic novel.

MYSTERY A: Who is J.J.’s wife? What does she want?

EVENTS A:

1. Phone call between J.J. and his wife sets up the motive and sets the plan in motion. The conversation is ambiguous.

PLOT TWIST A: Though the conversation doesn’t reveal it, we suspect J.J. and his wife may be involved in a ploy.

POTENTIAL DANGERS A:

1. Someone out for money and power is capable of anything, even murder.

2. Sage is at risk to lose everything, even her life.

3. Sage’s mother, Carol, is in danger too.

*INCITING INCIDENT: Lindsey stalks Sage at the Boardwalk, convinces Sage she’s being followed, and lures Sage away.

VILLAIN’S SECRET B: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her “research” and to attract wealthy creatives with mental illness to her center.

MYSTERY B: Why did Lindsey befriend Sage at the Boardwalk?

EVENTS B:

1. Lindsey appears seemingly out of nowhere.

2. Lindsey stalked the boardwalk ride and targeted Sage.

3. Two shadowy men follow Sage on the Boardwalk.

4. Lindsey convinces Sage she’s being followed and helps her elude the shadowy men by running into the huge parking lot.

TRUST:

Villain J.J.’s Wife/Lindsey

A. Basic State – Trusted by Sage, but shouldn’t be.

When Lindsey learns Sage is on the cusp of a 7-figure book and movie deal from husband and publisher, J.J.(Sage doesn’t know it yet). Lindsey lures Sage away from her mother, who has LPS conservatorship over Sage.

Lindsey, lures Sage to Los Angeles to her Center for wealthy creatives with mental illness. She convinces Sage she’s living in her graphic novel. In reality, Lindsey has staged a ruse that feeds into Sage’s paranoia and delusional state of mind, leading her to believe she’s living in her graphic novel.

Creates situations in which she appears to be helping Sage, but is luring her into a trap to gain access to her money.

B. Trusted by red herring Sven, but shouldn’t be. Trusted by her husband J.J. but shouldn’t be.

POTENTIAL DANGERS B:

1. Sage’s mental health is getting worse.

2. Sage is susceptible to Lindsey’s manipulation.

TWIST B: We believe Lindsey is helping Sage but Lindsey is manipulating her.

TRUST:

Publisher Jerome “J.J.” Jacobs:

A. Trustable, but appears untrustable. He appears involved in Lindsey’s ruse, but is unaware of what she’s doing until he uncovers her affair with Sven. Sage trusts him. He helps her.

B. He trusts his wife, Lindsey, but shouldn’t. He uncovers her affair with Sven and turns on her. He also assists Sage from the final story beats to the resolution.

VILLAIN’S SECRET C: Separate Sage from her mother so she is isolated and vulnerable. Take her to the treatment facility and lock her up.

MYSTERY C: Where’s my mother? Where’s my daughter?

EVENTS C:

1. Sage is distressed that Carol may be dead, but fears the police won’t believe her.

2. With nowhere else to go, Sage goes with Lindsey.

3. Carol discovers Sage is missing and goes to the police.

4. The police dismiss Carol’s concerns while Sage is in danger.

POTENTIAL DANGERS C:

1. Distressed by Carol’s disappearance, Sage exhibits poor judgment, makes poor decisions.

2. Lindsey sets up a ruse to make Sage believe it is her idea to go with Lindsey.

3. Without Carol, Sage has no allies so relies on Lindsey.

4. Carol fears Sage has been kidnapped, but the police dismiss her concerns. They know Sage from prior incidents.

5. Carol must investigate, but a run-in with Lindsey could cost Carol her life.

TWIST C: We believe Sage is going to walk away from Lindsey after she learns her mother is missing. Instead, believing Lindsey is helping her, Sage asks to go with Lindsey.

TRUST: Carol is trustworthy throughout Sage’s journey. Perhaps I should present a situation in which Carol does something to violate Sage’s trust while believing she’s doing the right thing.

*TURNING POINT 1 (call to action): Sage asks to go with Lindsey. They begin their journey.

VILLAIN’S SECRET D: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her research at the Center in Los Angeles. She needs to bring her there.

MYSTERY D: What is this place? Why am I here? Wait, what -– you’re leaving me here?

POTENTIAL DANGERS D:

1. The inside of the Center is a simulation of Sage’s graphic novel. Sage doesn’t understand what is happening or why.

2. Lindsey drops Sage off and mentions Sven.

3. Sage is distressed at Lindsey’s leaving.

4. The security guard has handcuffs.

5. When Sage tries to leave, Beverly and Paul threaten her with hard restraints.

TWIST D: Lindsey takes Sage to the Center and leaves her there under Sage’s protests, revealing that she’s not Sage’s ally after all. Up to this point, we saw her as a helper.

*MIDPOINT: Sage believes she is living in her graphic novel — that she is their prophet. Sage sees/hears a popular rapper who has had a very public battle with mental illness. He’s in terrible shape, begging for help and at risk for suicide. Sage begins to suspect Lindsey is playing her. But are her suspicions just more paranoia and delusion?

VILLAIN’S SECRET E: Lindsey created a simulation of Sage’s graphic novel to plunge Sage further into her delusional state.

MYSTERY E: Is Sage really living in her graphic novel?

EVENTS E:

1. Sage faces her graphic novel villain, Sven, who tries to force her to rewrite the outcome of the battle in her novel.

2. Sven has Sage tased, brutalized by his thuggish guards.

3. Sage finds the “Portal to Hell” from her graphic novel.

4. Sage sees Sven after he’s dumped something into the portal.

TWIST E: The “Portal to Hell” is actually an incinerator. Sven may be disposing of victims.

TRUST:

Red Herring Character Sven

A. Not trustworthy. He tortures Sage. He would sell Lindsey out to save himself. She would do the same. Since they’re “in love,” they want to believe.

POTENTIAL DANGERS E:

1. Sven’s tactics might kill Sage (tasing, beating).

2. Sven might kill Sage if he’s found dumping something into the incinerator.

VILLAIN’ SECRET F: Staffers fear for their safety and careers, so they play along with Lindsey’s ruse to make Sage believe she is living inside her graphic novel.

MYSTERY F: Are the staff from inside the graphic novel, or are they role-playing?

EVENTS F:

1. Sage begins asking questions that can get her killed.

2. As Sage’s “therapist” is a key player in this game. She plays the role of J.J.’s editor, Diana.

TWIST F: Diana had played along with Lindsey’s drama plan, but she realizes it’s sinister and unethical and sneaks medication to Sage.

POTENTIAL DANGERS F:

People are at risk for being murdered to cover for Lindsey’s plans, including Sage.

TRUST:

Editor/Psychiatric Social Worker Diana:

A. Basic State Untrustable, then becomes trustable.

B. She first works with Lindsey in the graphic novel ruse. She realizes how damaging and unethical Lindsey’s “treatment” modality of withholding medication and feeding delusions is. She will help Sage by crossing Lindsey and sneaking medication to Sage to help her escape in Act 2-B.

*TURNING POINT 2: Sage sees Lindsey and Sven in a romantic moment. Sage finds Diana dead. Trey has hung himself. She’s terrified she’ll be next. Lindsey tells Sage her mother has been found, dead. Sage is now at the height of desperation.

VILLAIN’S SECRET G: Lindsey is the real villain, not graphic novel villain Sven. They killed Diana and were responsible for Trey’s “suicide.” We pursue the obvious, Sven’s graphic novel plan and his villain role, throughout the movie until we learn Lindsey is behind the whole thing.

MYSTERY G: Who is Lindsey? Who is Sven? Is J.J. involved?

EVENTS G:

1. Sage spies on them.

2. Sage breaks into Sven’s office.

3. Sage finds her phone, tries to contact her mother but it goes to voicemail.

4. Sage finds a gun in Sven’s desk drawer.

5. J.J. comes to the Center to investigate his suspicions that his wife, Lindsey, is having an affair with someone she works with.

6. Beverly and Paul don’t allow J.J. access, citing patient confidentiality.

7. Lindsey does a change of clothes and meets J.J. outside.

8. Sage sees them outside talking. Lindsey is in a lab coat.

TWIST G: Scroungy Lindsey from the boardwalk is actually the saavy, manipulative psychiatrist who runs the Center.

POTENTIAL DANGERS G:

1. Lindsey will kill to keep her affair with Sven secret. Sage has seen them together.

2. If her affair with Sven is found out, J.J. may cut Lindsey off from her lavish lifestyle by divorcing her or putting her in prison. Lindsey’s now at her apex of desperation.

3. Sage is locked away, desperate, with no one to help her.

*CLIMAX: Sage escapes the building, but Lindsey intercepts her, knocks her out, and drags her back to the Center. J.J. sneaks into the Center. Sven battles with J.J. and almost kills him. Sage kills Lindsey.

*RESOLUTION: Carol has found out where Sage is. The L.A.P.D. arrive. Carol and Sage reunite and go home.

Sage tries to draw but is uninspired, her affect flat. She looks at herself in the bathroom mirror, takes a pill from a bottle, raises it to her lips. Smash to black as we hear the toilet flush.

We’re led to believe that after Sage is safe at home with her mother, that she’ll be compliant with her medication and control her psychiatric symptoms.

TWIST: Despite her ordeal, Sage still believes that her medication to control her psychosis blunts her affect and kills her creativity and secretly disposes of her meds.

[Kim Jaspers]

1. ASSIGNMENT #9 – TWISTS

2. What I learned from this assignment is that as I write, many twists are already “hiding in there,” but they have to be drawn out and elevated to be effective.

VILLAIN’S EVIL PLAN: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her “research” and to attract wealthy creatives with mental illness to her center. Lindsey learns Sage stands to get a 7-figure book and movie deal and wants to position herself to access that money.

*OPENING: Sage working on her graphic novel. Manic. Losing her grip on reality.

SAGE’S SECRET: (SET-UP) Sage is seriously mentally ill.

SAGE’S MYSTERY: Why does Sage behave as she does?

SAGE’S EVENTS:

1. Sage’s mania.

2. Sage tells Carol she is taking her medication. We believe her.

3. Shares delusional beliefs with Carol. Carol observes Sage’s obsessive mania.

4. Sage flushes something down the toilet (or hides something).

PLOT TWIST: Sage has been lying to her mother about taking her medication.

POTENTIAL DANGERS:

1. Sage’s vulnerable state of mind colors every decision she makes.

VILLAIN’S SECRET A: J.J.’s wife learns that 1: Sage’s mother has conservatorship and 2: Sage stands to get a 7-figure book and movie deal from her graphic novel.

MYSTERY A: Who is J.J.’s wife? Is J.J. involved?

EVENTS A:

1. Phone call between J.J. and his wife sets up the motive and sets the plan in motion. The conversation is ambiguous.

PLOT TWIST A: Though the conversation doesn’t reveal it, we suspect J.J. and his wife may be involved in a ploy.

POTENTIAL DANGERS A:

1. Someone out for money and power is capable of anything, even murder.

2. Sage is at risk to lose everything, even her life.

3. Sage’s mother, Carol, is in danger too.

*INCITING INCIDENT: Lindsey stalks Sage at the Boardwalk, meets her, convinces Sage she’s being followed, and lures Sage away.

VILLAIN’S SECRET B: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her “research” and to attract wealthy creatives with mental illness to her center.

MYSTERY B: Why did Lindsey befriend Sage at the Boardwalk?

EVENTS B:

1. Lindsey stalked the boardwalk ride and waited for Sage.

2. Two shadowy men follow Sage on the Boardwalk.

3. Lindsey appears seemingly out of nowhere.

4. Lindsey convinces Sage she’s being followed and helps her elude the shadowy men.

POTENTIAL DANGERS B:

1. Sage’s mental health is getting worse.

2. Sage is susceptible to Lindsey’s manipulation.

TWIST B: We believe Lindsey is helping Sage but Lindsey is manipulating her.

VILLAIN’S SECRET C: Separate Sage from her mother so she is isolated and vulnerable. Take her to the treatment facility and lock her up.

MYSTERY C: Where’s my mother? Where’s my daughter?

EVENTS C:

1. Sage is distressed that Carol may be dead, but fears the police won’t believe her.

2. With nowhere else to go, Sage goes with Lindsey.

3. Carol discovers Sage is missing and goes to the police.

4. The police dismiss Carol’s concerns while Sage is in danger.

POTENTIAL DANGERS C:

1. Distressed by Carol’s disappearance, Sage exhibits poor judgment, makes poor decisions.

2. Lindsey sets up a ruse to make Sage believe it is her idea to go with Lindsey.

2. Without Carol, Sage has no allies so relies on Lindsey.

3. Carol fears Sage has been kidnapped, but the police dismiss her concerns.

4. Carol must investigate, but a run-in with Lindsey could cost Carol her life.

TWIST C: We believe Sage is going to walk away from Lindsey after she learns her mother is missing. Instead, believing Lindsey is helping her, Sage asks to go with Lindsey.

*TURNING POINT 1 (call to action): Sage asks to go with Lindsey. They begin their journey.

VILLAIN’S SECRET D: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her research at the Center in Los Angeles. She needs to bring her there.

MYSTERY D: What is this place? Why am I here? Wait, what–you’re leaving me here?

POTENTIAL DANGERS D:

1. The inside of the Center is a simulation of Sage’s graphic novel. She doesn’t understand what is happening and why.

2. Lindsey drops Sage off and mentions Sven.

3. Sage is distressed at Lindsey’s leaving.

4. The security guard has handcuffs.

5. When Sage tries to leave, Beverly and Paul threaten her with hard restraints.

TWIST D: Lindsey takes Sage to the Center and leaves her there under Sage’s protests, revealing that she’s not Sage’s ally after all. Up to this point, we saw her as a friend.

*MIDPOINT: Sage believes she is living in her graphic novel — that she is their prophet. Sage sees/hears a popular rapper who has had a very public battle with mental illness. He’s in terrible shape, begging for help and at risk for suicide. Sage begins to suspect Lindsey is playing her. But are her suspicions just more paranoia and delusion?

VILLAIN’S SECRET E: Lindsey created a simulation of Sage’s graphic novel to plunge Sage further into her delusional state.

MYSTERY E: Is Sage really living in her graphic novel?

EVENTS E:

1. Sage faces her graphic novel villain, Sven, who tries to force her to rewrite the outcome of the battle in her novel.

2. Sven has Sage tased by his thuggish guards, brutalized.

3. Sage finds the “Portal to Hell” from her graphic novel.

4. Sage sees Sven after he’s dumped something into the portal.

TWIST E: The “Portal to Hell” is actually an incinerator. Sven may be disposing of victims.

VILLAIN’ SECRET F: Staffers fear for their safety and careers, so they play along with Lindsey’s ruse to make Sage believe she is living inside her graphic novel.

MYSTERY F: Are the staff from inside the graphic novel, or are they role-playing?

1. Sage begins asking questions that can get her killed.

2. As Sage’s therapist, Diana is a key player in this game.

TWIST F: Diana had played along with Lindsey’s drama plan, but she realizes it’s sinister and unethical and sneaks medication to Sage.

POTENTIAL DANGERS F:

1. People are at risk for being murdered to cover for Lindsey’s plans, including Sage.

*TURNING POINT 2: Sage sees Lindsey and Sven in a romantic moment. Sage finds Diana dead. Trey has hung himself. She’s terrified she’ll be next. Lindsey tells Sage her mother has been found, dead. Sage is now at the height of desperation.

VILLAIN’S SECRET G: Lindsey is the real villain, not graphic novel villain Sven. They killed Diana. We pursue the obvious, Sven’s graphic novel plan and his villain role, throughout the movie until we learn Lindsey is behind the whole thing.

MYSTERY G: Who is Lindsey? Who is Sven? Is J.J. involved?

EVENTS G:

1. Sage spies on them.

2. Sage breaks into Sven’s office.

2. Sage finds her phone, tries to contact her mother but it goes to voicemail.

3. Sage finds a gun in Sven’s desk drawer.

4. J.J. comes to the Center to investigate his suspicions that his wife, Lindsey, is having an affair with someone she works with.

5. Beverly and Paul don’t allow J.J. access, citing patient confidentiality.

6. Lindsey does a change of clothes and meets J.J. outside.

7. Sage sees them outside talking. Lindsey is in a lab coat.

TWIST G: Lindsey from the boardwalk is actually the psychiatrist who runs the Center.

POTENTIAL DANGERS G:

1. Lindsey will kill to keep her affair secret. Sage has seen them together.

2. If her affair with Sven is found out, J.J. may cut Lindsey off from her lavish lifestyle by divorcing her or putting her in prison. Lindsey’s now at her apex of desperation.

3. Sage is locked away with no one to help her.

4. Sage is desperate to get away can’t.

*CLIMAX: Sage escapes the building, but Lindsey intercepts her, knocks her out, and drags her back to the Center. J.J. sneaks into the Center. Sven battles with J.J. and almost kills him. Sage kills Lindsey.

*RESOLUTION: Carol has found out where Sage is. The L.A.P.D. arrive. Carol and Sage reunite and go home.

Sage tries to draw but is uninspired, her affect flat. She looks at herself in the bathroom mirror, takes a pill from a bottle, raises it to her lips. Smash to black as we hear the toilet flush.

We’re led to believe that after Sage is safe at her with her mother, that she’ll be compliant with her medication and control her psychiatric symptoms.

TWIST: Despite her ordeal, Sage still believes that her medication to control her psychosis blunts her affect and kills her creativity and secretly disposes of her meds.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Kim Jaspers.

[Kim Jaspers]

Subject Line: Kim’s THRILLER PLOT OUTLINE

1) List your 3-act structure and plot points.

OPENING: Sage working on her graphic novel. Manic. Losing her grip on reality.

SAGE’S SECRET: (SET-UP) Sage isn’t taking her meds and slipping into a delusional state.

SAGE’S MYSTERY: What’s going on with Sage?

SAGE’S EVENTS: Sage’s mania. Shares delusional beliefs with mom Carol. Hides something under her mattress.

SAGE’S POTENTIAL DANGERS: Vulnerable state of mind colors every decision.

INCITING INCIDENT: Sage goes to the Boardwalk. Meets Lindsey, who convinces Sage she’s being followed.

VILLAIN’S BIG SECRET: Lindsey plans to use Sage to get at her money from the book and movie deals.

MYSTERY A: Where’s my mother? Where’s my daughter?

EVENTS A: Sage learns Carol may be dead. With nowhere else to go, Sage goes with Lindsey. She exhibits more confusion and paranoia. Carol discovers Sage is missing and searches for her. The police dismiss Carol’s concerns. As Sage’s treating psychiatrist, Lindsey files for conservatorship of Sage (maybe).

POTENTIAL DANGERS A: Carol may be dead. Sage has nowhere else to go, so she goes with Lindsey. Without Carol, Sage has no allies to help her. Carol fears Sage has been kidnapped, but the police dismiss her concerns. Carol must investigate herself, but a run-in with Lindsey could cost Carol her life. Lindsey wants to position herself to access Sage’s money when it comes through and attach herself to Sage’s potential literary success.

TURNING POINT 1: Thinking her mother is dead and with no place to go, Sage goes with Lindsey to Los Angeles. Lindsey forces her to stay at the Fed West Center. Sage begins to believe she’s living in her graphic novel.

MYSTERY B: Why did Lindsey befriend Sage at the Boardwalk?

EVENTS B: Phone call between J.J. and Lindsey about the novel, revealing that Sage has a serious mental illness and that her mother has power of attorney. Lindsey also learns that Sage’s novel will be published and a producer wants to buy the movie rights to the book for 7 figures before the novel is even published. Under duress, Sage signs herself into the treatment facility. Lindsey withholds medication from Sage, feeds Sage’s delusions to make her believe she’s living in her graphic novel.

POTENTIAL DANGERS B: Sage is threatened with restraints when she tries to leave. She’s locked away and mistreated. Her captivity worsens her condition and she becomes very delusional. With Sage missing, her book deal could fall apart (Lindsey didn’t think this through), so *Lindsey needs to create another ruse.

MYSTERY C: Is Sage really living in her graphic novel?

EVENTS C: Sage faces her graphic novel villain, Sven, who tries to force her to rewrite the outcome of the battle in her novel. He employs brainwashing techniques to further entrench Sage in her delusions. Sage draws a map of what she can remember of her trajectories inside the Center and hides it in the lining of her shoe.

POTENTIAL DANGERS C: Sage is fully immersed in her graphic novel. She can no longer distinguish fantasy from reality. No one knows where she is or what’s going on. Sage now believes she is the Federation West’s “one true prophet.”

MIDPOINT: Sage catches a glimpse of a popular rapper, Trey Vasquez, whose battle with mental illness is very public. He is in terrible shape and begging for help. Sage suspects things are not what they seem– that she is not really living inside the world of her graphic novel. But are her suspicions just more paranoia and delusion? Is Trey real? Is what’s happening to Trey happening to me too? Diana’s identity is revealed; she sneaks meds to Sage. Sage’s mother searches for her in roadside diners along the I-5.

TURNING POINT 2: Sage finds Diana dead. Sage confronts Lindsey, who has her tased. She discovers Trey trying to kill himself out of despair. She stops him.

VILLAIN’S SECRET: Lindsey is the real villain, not graphic novel villain Sven. We pursue the obvious, Sven’s graphic novel plan and his villain role. We learn Lindsey is behind it all.

MYSTERY E: Who? What? Why?

EVENTS: Sage spies on them. She breaks into Sven’s office, finds her phone. Sage and the audience learn that the mystery woman in Act 1– publisher J.J.’s wife– is actually Lindsey. Sven and Lindsey brutalize Sage.

POTENTIAL DANGERS: Lindsey will kill Sage rather than let Sage go, even if it means losing the money either way. Lindsey is not well herself.

CLIMAX: Sage uses her map and escapes the building, but doesn’t make it beyond the fence. Lindsey intercepts her, knocks her out, and drags her back to the Center. Lindsey threatens to kill Sage.

RESOLUTION: Sage breaks into Sven’s office and calls for help about the police about the time Carol figures out where Sage is. They arrest Lindsey for Diana’s murder. They arrest Sven as an accomplice. Her mother is there. They go home. Sage learns from J.J. that her book will be made into a movie. The last shot is Sage at home with Carol. She hides something underneath her mattress.

2) What I learned from this assignment is that with proper planning, I can make an outline for a thriller. It still needs some work, but it’s getting there. This is the time to deal with plot holes.

[Kim Jaspers]

Subject Line: Kim J’s Life-Threatening Sequence (Day 7)

What I learned from this assignment is that the hero must be in near-constant danger throughout. The villain puts obstacles, the hero overcomes them.

1. WHAT IS LINDSEY’S PLAN & HOW DOES IT PUT SAGE IN DANGER?

Lindsey lures Sage to her Los Angeles Center and makes Sage believe she is living in her graphic novel. The Center is a psychiatric facility for “creatives” that Lindsey runs. Her unique and wholly unethical treatment center is “a safe space for artists to explore and apply the contents of their TRUE MINDS to their art.” The treatment includes withholding medication and brainwashing. It’s like a cult.

*By the time we meet Sage, she’s already at risk of a psychotic episode that will plunge her into the depths of delusion.

2. What other potential dangers could the hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the villain?

* Lindsey stalks Sage. She enlists the help of two “shadowy men” to follow Sage on the Boardwalk furnishing an excuse to lure her away and “help” her, exacerbating Sage’s paranoia.

* Lindsey kidnaps Sage’s mother and plants a “renter” in Carol’s house so she can convince Sage Carol is dead.

* Sage’s separation from her mother exacerbates her illness.

* Lindsey betrays Sage.

* Lindsey withholds Sage’s medication, feeds her delusions.

* Lindsey coerces Sage to sign herself into the Center.

* Lindsey, as Sage’s treating psychiatrist, petitions the Court for conservatorship.

* Lindsey will kill whoever gets in the way of her ticket to fame and fortune, including Sage and her mother.

* Diana could help Sage, but Sage is too disturbed to accept it.

* Diana is found out helping Sage, and Lindsey kills her.

* Sage could be killed by the torture recreated from her novel. * Sage is subjected to numerous “tasing” incidents by Sven.

* Sage sees another patient in terrible shape. She recognizes him as a well-known pop singer whose mental illness is very public. He commits suicide after being exposed to Lindsey’s treatment. When Sage sees the cover-up, Lindsey threatens to kill her. Sage believes her.

* Sage’s graphic novel deal could be pulled when she goes missing.

* Sage’s reputation could be damaged by seeming unreliable or too risky to work with.

[Kim Jaspers]

KIM J’S MYSTERY SEQUENCE

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT IS: Crafting a satisfying ending is the hardest part for me and requires many passes.

1. WHAT IS THE BIG SECRET THE VILLAIN IS COVERING UP? The Federation West is not the world of Sage’s graphic novel but a psychiatric treatment center run by psychiatrist Lindsey, the true villain. The center provides artists with psychiatric disorders “a safe space to explore and apply the contents of their TRUE MINDS to their art.” Sage is an unwitting, nonconsensual subject from whom Lindsey withholds information and medication.

2. GO TO THE END OF THE STORY AND IDENTIFY THE BIG SECRET. I am still working on this. When Diana (Sage’s editor/psychiatric social worker) learns the truth, she secretly gets Sage her medication to help control her symptoms. Diana helps Sage to free herself. Lindsey’s husband will discover Lindsey’s deception and help take Lindsey down, even at his own expense. Lindsey is a dangerous sociopath.

3. MAIN MYSTERIES (COVER-UPS) THAT THE PROTAGONIST MUST SOLVE

SECRET A: (set up) Sage has been lying to her mother and not taking her medication to control her psychotic symptoms; she believes it dulls her creativity. By the time she meets the antagonist, Lindsey, Sage is already in a vulnerable and malleable state.

MYSTERY A: What’s going on with Sage?

EVENTS A: Sage experiences obsessive mania while working on her revisions to her graphic novel. Sage shares delusional beliefs with Carol. Sage hides something under her mattress.

SECRET B: Lindsey plans to use Sage in her research and to attract A-List clients.

MYSTERY B: Why did Lindsey befriend Sage at the Boardwalk?

EVENTS B: Lindsey steals Sage’s phone. Lindsey’s husband, J.J., is Sage’s publisher. He discusses Sage’s graphic novel in a phone call with Lindsey (we don’t see her, so we don’t know it’s her). He’s going to publish it, and a producer friend wants to make it into a movie. That conversation also reveals that Sage is mentally ill, and her mother has power of attorney.

SECRET C: Lindsey separates Sage from her mother, Carol, because Carol holds Power of Attorney and is the only one who can consent to psychiatric treatment for Sage.

MYSTERY C: Where’s my mother? Where’s my daughter?

EVENTS C: Sage learns Carol may be dead, and with nowhere else to go, Sage goes with Lindsey. When Carol discovers Sage is missing, she searches for her. The police dismiss Carol’s concerns as a probably “walk away.”

SECRET D: Lindsey constructed the ruse. She makes Sage believe she is living in her graphic novel so she can study Sage’s psychosis in the hopes of promoting herself and her “treatment” center and attracting wealthy talent. She is a sociopath with big plans.

MYSTERY D: Is Sage living in her graphic novel?

EVENTS D: Lindsey brings Sage to the Center. Sage faces her graphic novel villain, Sven, who tries to force her to rewrite the battle’s outcome in her novel. Something to do hiding her meds. Diana, Sage’s editor, shows up at the center. Sage overhears Lindsey talking to publisher J.J.

6) RED HERRING MYSTERY

Lindsey is the real villain, not graphic novel villain Sven. We pursue the obvious, Sven’s graphic novel plan and villain role until we learn Lindsey is behind the whole thing.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Kim Jaspers.

[Kim Jaspers]

ASSIGNMENT DAY 5 – THE VILLAIN’S PLAN

I learned from this assignment: 1) Reverse engineering is critical to writing a good thriller. 2) Make the villain’s sequence as nefarious and hard on the protagonist as possible.

Villain Sven plans to replace all living souls with the dead to eliminate free will and achieve world dominance. Hero Sage has depicted a battle in her graphic novel, which ensures Sven’s plan will fail, so he must force her to change the outcome of the battle. Sven is the mastermind, and false mentor/antagonist Lindsey is his foot soldier proxy who carries out most of Sven’s orders under the pretext of trying to help her. Sven and Lindsey’s mission: get Sage and bring her to Los Angeles headquarters to force the change in the novel.

Intercept Sage from a boardwalk ride.

Transport her from 2020 to 1995, one year before the critical battle depicted in her novel.

Befriend Sage to gain her trust.

Convince Sage, her mother (with whom Sage lives), is dead, leaving Sage with nowhere to go but with Lindsey to Los Angeles.

Withhold Sage’s psychotropic medication and exacerbate her stress, driving her further into a state of paranoid delusion.

Lock her up so she can’t escape.

Intercept Sage’s publisher and editor to “help” her with the rewrite.

Torture and brainwash Sage to gain compliance.

Pretend to elevate Sage’s status within the organization while diminishing Lindsey’s status.

Kill one of Sage’s allies to prevent them from helping her escape.

Kill Lindsey to prevent her from telling Sage the truth about his ruse.

[Kim Jaspers]

DAY 4, Assignment 2 – The Silence of the Lambs

I learned that MIS must be present in every scene, or the scene doesn’t belong in the movie. I also learned the few times when I couldn’t find the “intrigue,” per se, in a scene, I could still find character motivation.

[Kim Jaspers]

Kim J’s SOTL Stacking Suspense ASSIGNMENT 4, PART 2:

I learned that MIS must be present in every scene, or the scene doesn’t belong in the movie. I also learned the few times when I couldn’t find the “intrigue,” per se, in a scene, I could still find character motivation.

1: Crawford warns Clarice from the outset not to let Lecter “get inside your head.” This theme drives much of the plot throughout the movie, right up to the final scene when Lecter calls Clarice at her FBI graduation celebration.

2: Establish your protagonist’s flaw through your antagonist’s actions. Use your protagonist’s responses to your antagonist’s actions to establish their strengths. Lecter uses one key piece of information (Clarice’s West Virginia accent) to make a series of assumptions about people with Appalachian accents. He uses this stereotype to dig deeper into her psyche to mine it for insecurities and shame about feeling like “poor white trash.” Clarice eventually pushes back and employs manipulative tactics to trick Lecter. He admires her cleverness.

3: Have your protagonist and antagonist share skill sets. An emerging FBI profiler, Clarice is pretty good herself at identifying and exploiting weaknesses — knowing when to be truthful to Lecter, when to withhold, and when to use Lecter’s tactics on him. She makes a daring play when she offers him a transfer to a different facility in a ruse to gain his cooperation. This is a fundamental, recurring theme throughout the film until the very last scene: Cat and mouse, quid pro quo.

4: Give the protagonist a special skill (novitiate FBI psychological profiler), but build and amplify the need to hone that skill throughout as the antagonist puts more obstacles in the protagonist’s way. The closer Clarice gets, the more roadblocks Lecter’s cryptic word games create. This forms an undercurrent of psychological pressure for Clarice.

5: Skip the red herring if you can find a more creative approach. In this movie, there are two villains– Jaime Gumb, killer and target of the investigation, and Hannibal Lecter, Clarice’s antagonist and mentor. Crawford is her mentor initially, but Lecter assumes that role as the story progresses. We don’t need a red-herring.

6: The Four C’s: Creepy, Cunning, Complicated, and Cryptic. Lecter’s role is complex in the story. Make the villain/antagonist deep.

7: Give the villain or antagonist humanity. Despite his flaws, Lecter is courteous, sophisticated, and craving human contact of an intellectually stimulating nature. The only person he’s really dealt with for the past eight years is the obnoxious Dr. Chilton, whom he despises and will eventually kill and eat. Clarice finds Lecter compelling, too, even though she knows it puts her at risk of psychological victimization.

Jaime Gumb doesn’t reveal much humanity. We know how much he loves Precious and that the world mistreated him, but otherwise, his character a bit flat and one-dimensional. I would have liked to see a snippet of a relationship with a family member or something that shows Jaime can move about in the world outside his basement or dressing room. What happens when this guy goes to the grocery store? Perhaps it would help to know a bit more about his psychological trauma contributing to his psychopathy to add depth to his character.

8: Make the antagonist (or villain) unique to his peers. Lecter stands in stark contrast to other characters on the cell block, which makes him stand out. The other criminally insane inmates are flat stereotypes. Lecter has great posture, is tidily groomed, well-spoken, and has art on his walls drawn from memories of a “bon vivant” lifestyle. He is a cut above the rest of them. He’s intriguing and compelling– the kind of guest you would like at a dinner party if you weren’t the main course.

9: Mirror something in the protagonist and antagonist/villain’s characters. Jaime Gumb’s obsessive metamorphosis fantasies mirror Clarice’s own metamorphosis fantasies of shedding her “poor white trash” upbringing to become an ace FBI profiler. Clarice sublimates while Jaime acts out.

10: Use a ticking clock. Jaime Gumb holds his victims for three days before killing them. It raises the stakes when we see time running out for victim Catherine Martin. Have a good reason for using it in the plot.

11: Have the supporting characters fulfill a critical role in the protagonist’s quest. Jack Crawford tests Clarice’s mettle and presents her inciting incident. The obnoxious Dr. Chilton creates a problem Clarice solves tactfully, revealing skill. Senator Martin agrees to the transfer ruse Clarice created involving her unwittingly because it will buy Lecter’s cooperation. The gaggle of troopers milling about the mortuary allows Clarice to show off her skills of using her roots – her accent and vernacular – to gain their cooperation. Fellow trainee Ardelia Mapp helps Clarice work out Lecter’s cryptic clues. Victim Frederica’s best friend puts the final piece of the puzzle in place for Clarice. If a supporting or seemingly minor character doesn’t fulfill a service to the protagonist, cut them.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  Kim Jaspers.

[Kim Jaspers]

DAY FOUR ASSIGNMENT 1

I learned that Clues presented through action and dialogue in the first scenes with each of the characters show us 1) who they are underneath their veneers and 2) what they’re capable of. The movie continues on this path of building MIS in each scene, going from character to character, presenting either subliminal or more overt clues to the viewer.

Here are my takes on the introductions of each character:

1) Nick has problems with authority noted in the crime scene investigation. A tourist shooting lands him in the office of the police psychologist, Beth, with whom he discusses his 39 days of sobriety and presents his drinking problem and lack of regard for Beth.

2) Beth alludes to a relationship with Nick, point out her lack of professional ethics or possibly a deeper disturbance. She physically attacks Nick in his apartment in response to his treatment of her. Unethical and unhinged (and probably with a borderline personality disorder), we understand that Beth may be capable of greater violence, but we don’t understand her connection to the victim yet.

2) Nick and Gus meet Roxy, and we learn that there is someone in love with Catherine who could murder out of jealousy. Roxy’s the first red-herring.

3) Catherine has a degree in psychology, communicates in mind games, and excels at sussing out others’ insecurities and weaknesses to exploit them. Coupled with the novel she’s written describing Boz’s killing in detail, that sets her up as the potential killer. When they haul her in for questioning, we see how Catherine flouts police authority and uses her sexuality as a psychological weapon. She is the second red herring.

4) Subsequent scenes repeat this sequence of presenting an additional piece of information about each character to build on the previous pieces and interweaving them into a puzzle for the viewer to unravel.

5) The last scene leaves the viewer wondering if Catherine is the real killer, which is a gratifying ending. Everything we thought we had figured out gets turned on its head.

[Kim Jaspers]

Subject Line: Kim J’s world and characters

Big Mystery: What happened when Sage entered the world of her graphic novel?

Big Intrigue: Is Sage a captive of an evil organization bent on destroying humanity, or is she the captive of something/someone else altogether?

Big Suspense: Can Sage free herself and save humanity, or is her quest merely the product of a disordered and delusional mind?

The Intriguing World: The world is one Sage created in her gritty graphic novel “The Federation West.” It’s a pseudo-authoritarian government world of bureaucracy, hierarchy, authority, dominance, and subservience.

PROTAGONIST SAGE:

A. What is the mystery of this character?

Is she trapped in the graphic novel she created? Or is she trapped somewhere else? Is it a dream? A delusion?

B. What is the intrigue of this character? Is Sage rational or delusional?

C. What is the suspense of this character? Can she free herself from her captors, publish her manuscript, and shut them down to save humanity?

RED HERRING VILLAIN SVEN

A. What is the mystery of this character? Why does he want Sage to rewrite a critical battle depicted in her graphic novel?

B. What is the intrigue of this character? Who does Sven work for, and why does he wield so much power over Lindsey?

C. What is the suspense of this character? Will Sven coerce Sage to rewrite her novel to his satisfaction, allowing him to succeed in his mission?

FALSE MENTOR/TRUE VILLAIN LINDSEY

A. What is the mystery of this character? Why did Lindsey befriend Sage in the first place? What does she want from Sage?

B. What is the intrigue of this character? Why does Lindsey bring Sage to the Federation West Center? What is her real motivation?

C. What is the suspense of this character? Will the Sage discover Lindsey is the true villain in the story?

JEROME “J.J.” JACBOS (cool supporting character)

A. What is the mystery of this character? Publisher/Owner of a boutique firm, Alkaloid Publishing, who showed interest in Sage’s novel. Why is he also intercepted and brought to the Fed West?

B. What is the intrigue of this character? Is J.J. intercepted and brought to the Fed West Center because he knows too much about the evil plan from Sage’s novel?

C. What is the suspense of this character? Can he help Sage to escape and publish her manuscript?

MENTOR DIANA (cool supporting character)

A. What is the mystery of this character? Why did the Fed West intercept her?

B. What is this character’s intrigue? Is she J.J.’s editor at Alkaloid Publishing or another actor in the nefarious Fed West plot?

C. What is the suspense of this character? Will Lindsey kill Diana to prevent her from discovering the truth about her true identity?

[Kim Jaspers]

Subject line: Kim J’s Big M.I.S.

What I learned doing this assignment is that threading the needle is the hardest part of sewing.

Logline: A struggling artist drawn into an alternate reality must conquer her demons to free herself and save humanity.

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Sage Greeley (25) is an intelligent, talented graphic novelist struggling with serious mental illness.

Dangerous Villain: Sven Svensen (55) is the head of a shadowy organization called The Federation West. He holds Sage against her will and forces her to make changes to a critical battle in her graphic novel.

High stakes: If Sage fails to publish her novel as she’s written it, The Federation West will repopulate the earth entirely of the dead. Sage MUST get her manuscript published as she wrote it to save humanity from that fate. To do that, she must first escape.

Life and death situations: Sage is held against her will, tortured, and brutalized. Her captivity exacerbates her psychotic symptoms causing her to fall deeper and deeper into a world where nothing is as it seems. If she doesn’t comply with Sven’s directives, Sage is of no use, and Sven will kill her. Or perhaps she’s already dead.

This story is thrilling because? The fate of humanity rests on Sage’s shoulders, but we’re not sure she can succeed due to the skewed reality created by her mental illness.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big Mystery: What actually happened to Sage when The Federation West intercepted her?

Big Intrigue: The Federation West’s mission is to repopulate the world entirely of the dead, posing as the living, to ensure a compliant population that will conform to their mission of totalitarian control. The free will of the living is too challenging to that end.

Big Suspense: Can Sage free herself from the Federation West and save humanity, or is her quest merely the product of a disordered and delusional mind?

• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Kim Jaspers.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Kim Jaspers.

[Kim Jaspers]

Subject Line: Shutter Island Thriller Conventions

Unwitting but resourceful hero: Teddy Daniels, U.S. Marshall, is sent to Ashecliff Hospital for the criminally insane to find missing patient Rachel Solando.

Dangerous villain: The “U.S. Government” represented by Ashecliffe staff Dr. Cawley, Dr. Naehring, and The Warden.

High Stakes: The only way Teddy can get off the island is by ferry, which Ashecliffe controls. Teddy is secretly medicated at Ashecliffe to be turned into a “ghost” for covert operations by the U.S. Government. Teddy’s mind is playing tricks on him, causing him to question his sanity.

Life and Death Situations: The storm knocks out the power to the patients’ cells, potentially allowing them to escape. Teddy and Chuck are held on the island against their will. Dangerous experimentation on the patients (Teddy too) with neuroleptic medication, brainwashing, and lobotomies. Teddy climbs the rocks to find Rachel Solando. He swims the dangerous waters to get to Ward C (the Lighthouse). Armed guards at Ward C. The brutal encounter with George Noyce in Ward C. Partner Chuck’s disappearance.

This movie is thrilling because we believe Teddy’s suspenseful delusions and hallucinations are woven into the plot are the actual story.

3) The Big Mystery: Where is escaped patient Rachel Solando?

The Big Intrigue: Is the Hospital secretly engaged in covert “government ops” to create “ghosts” via the brainwashing and other treatments they use on the patients?

The Big Suspense: Will Teddy and Chuck find Rachel and get off the Island, or will they wind up hostages of the Hospital because they know too much about the hospital’s covert activities? Is Teddy being turned into a brainwashed “ghost” via the aspirin, coffee, and cigarettes he receives at Ashecliffe.

4/5) The misdirection is woven so tightly and well into the story that the viewer believes (or is willing to believe) the entire ruse. I wanted to believe even though I’d seen the movie before and knew the resolution.

[Kim Jaspers]

Hi! I’m Kim J, and I’ve written a couple of features (learning scripts) and a couple of shorts (one of which was an official selection for a podcast that hasn’t aired yet). My current work in progress is an hour-long television pilot — a psychological thriller with supernatural elements. I hope to apply what I learn in this course to that pilot. I speak English, Spanish, and some Italian.

[Kim Jaspers]

Kim Jaspers “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM FOR “THRILLER 20” CLASS
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That everyone’s work here is copyrighted and they are the sole
owner of that work. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this
group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that
idea.

2. That this program is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun and I will not share,
disclose, present, or deliver the information, design, and writing of this
program to anyone for any reason without written permission from Hal Croasmun.

3. That I will keep the other writers’ ideas and writing confidential
(including Hal’s materials) and will not share this information with
anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner.
I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone
outside this group.

4. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or
have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can
independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or
movie idea.

5. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for
any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted
work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from
marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents,
managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment
industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for Thriller 20.

[Kim Jaspers]

Hi Sandra,

This looks really intriguing. Please message me if you’d like to exchange critiques. KimJ

[Kim Jaspers]

Hi Alan, I really enjoyed reading/dissecting your map for A BLIND EYE. The story hangs together well, is fast-paced, and layered with all the MIS elements we’ve worked on in the class. Great work! Thanks for sharing it.

Here’s some feedback for your Thriller Map:

1) Excellent use of opening images to begin your story visually – the ‘Person of Interest’ flyers. We’re immediately intrigued by Jay. Great stuff!

2) Jay’s unwitting, but what special skills does he possess that prepare him for his journey? What’s his profession or background that makes him uniquely suited to take on this mission?

3) The hostess in the restaurant seeing Jay’s image on the flyer and calling the police is great.

4) What’s Lacy’s motivation for leaving? For lying? Is she having an affair? Can you possibly tie her into the investigation? Not to overcomplicate, but might she be involved with an investigator working the case or know someone connected to the case through her legal work/studies? Consider a solid angle to tie her into the case.

5) I don’t fully understand Jay’s relationship with Quinn and the police. You mention he was “fired.” Quinn is actually FBI on a “Missing Girls” task force — good angle.

6) If Madison has been trafficked into sex slavery, what makes her fear the police yet trust Jay? Is she afraid of being returned to her family, where she will face more sexual assault from her stepfather? Some clarification would be helpful. It might be helpful to have a very tight subplot to tie her in and keep an eye on her safety since she’s so young and vulnerable.

Does Jay go to the police with the info he gets from Madison? If he helps her on his own, he needs to be all-consumed with this kid’s safety. What happens to her after this point?

You might check out an old action drama called THE PROFESSIONAL with Jean Reno as a world-weary hitman who takes 12-year old orphaned Natalie Portman to live with him. The relationship is worth studying.

7) Who did the FBI get the intel from? Did Jay tell Quinn, or did they get it from the hack? Who murdered and left Blake’s body in a gully?

8) Jay gets to the boat, but Holly’s not there. Quinn arrives to save Jay and Erin. Quinn saves Jay a couple of times. You might consider making Jay the one who gets himself out and rescues Erin just as Quinn arrives. Jay’s a great protagonist, but anything you can do to make a protagonist more active can be even more compelling.

9) I’m not sure why the smugglers furnish a “Holly look-alike.”

10) I’m not sure who Erin really is. She is first a victim, then wears a wire to entrap Jay when he’s a suspect, then they have an apparent romantic involvement. Is she undercover law enforcement or FBI?

I really love the twist when the Beijing airport police pick Jay up because Erin’s passport is flagged.

[Kim Jaspers]

Yes! Thank you, Alan.

[Kim Jaspers]

Very kind of you Ron. Thank you 🙂 I really disliked this movie when it came out, but in the context of this course, it’s now epic.