[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin Meets Producer/Manager

What I learned doing this assignment: I’ve been working as a writer/editor for so long—and working with clients for so long—that I’m pretty good at “doing what’s needed” on a project without getting agitated. Short deadlines, random changes, multiple bosses/interests…all of those are familiar to me. So this lesson made me focus on the different goals of the different job descriptions, and how I would explain myself differently to them. On the face of it, this sounds doable—but it’s still easy to get into the weeds, or “say too much.” So I reaffirmed to myself the value of thinking twice (from different angles)… and to PRACTICE. Also, I had to really “switch hats”; KNOWING how my project might match someone’s needs is different from PUTTING IT IN WORDS. My first draft of this assignment was my explaining how I would “approach the person”; my second draft was my effort to actually decide what to SAY (and what not to say). And then to write it down, as if I were actually in a conversation. Very different.

For both groups—producers and managers—the “marketable” and “well-written” components of the material have to be present. I’ll assume for this assignment that those two aspects exist, otherwise I wouldn’t be talking to these people.

FOR PRODUCERS

“BETWEEN US” NOTE ABOUT MARKETS: I’d most likely target indie producers, producers of black comedies, producers who have made projects that celebrate rural America—or, more generally, producers who work with small to medium budgets and show an understanding of “sense of place.” This story is quirky, and it happens in a part of the country that can be easily overlooked or made into a cliché. Producers would have to appreciate the setting, and how to attract talent who can realistically and believably bring this setting to life.

INTRODUCTION:
As a principal of my own business, a project advisor in print and film, and someone who often writes for a documentary team, I approach film production both as a creative and as a business collaborator. I understand the logistical side of production, budgetary and talent requirements, time constraints, and how to balance the sometimes competing needs of various stakeholders. I’m used to taking notes arising from several different aspects of production—director, producers, scientists or other experts, talent, and researchers. My job is to “hold” the story safe while also integrating competing business needs.

CREATIVELY:
While I “fall in love” with character and story, and can explain or even defend my story decisions when necessary, I’m also very able to appreciate improvements gained through discussion, and to see how a new idea trickles down through the storyline. I’m also curious about others’ expertise in reducing costs, combining locations, or other tricks of the trade—and am very organized about managing changes and keeping track of continuity. One of my strengths is in executing rewrites or generating new ideas with quick turnaround (often overnight, so that production can continue during the days). I love to see how a story can be supported and enhanced—even when it has to change because of various constraints.

PROJECT OVERVIEW:
TITLE: Shoot, Shovel & Shut Up
GENRE: Black Comedy
CONCEPT: When a dead woman is discovered on his property, a reclusive rancher is forced into a highly publicized murder investigation, and he must untangle a labyrinth of crimes before his family’s secrets are exposed.
BUDGET: $7.5 – 10 million
CAST: Small core ensemble—three main primary with two supporting characters—plus a larger “ranch family” of minor characters ancillary to the general intrigue.
SETTING: Most of the primary action occurs on a medium-sized ranch, with the customary “main house,” barns, corrals, and pastures; another setting is the “old homestead house” and grounds some distance away on the same property. Secondary action occurs at a livestock sale barn, gambling room, cemetery, and nearby small town.

THEMES & APPEAL:
Recognizing the positive audience response to Yellowstone and its spin-offs, along with a cultural trend toward acknowledging the blue-collar experience in America, this is a great moment to set an intriguing story within a realistic plains/ranch world. The story is based loosely on the life of a real person—a funny, engaging, coarse loner—whose day-to-day experience does not look anything like the shiny, perfectly groomed Yellowstone. The person we meet has spent his life toiling for the betterment of his unruly, unaware family—and a series of unexpected obstacles causes him to rethink…everything. It’s shades of Fargo built on a history of moonshine and gambling. Rowdy calls them the Norwegian Mafia.

FOR MANAGERS

INTRODUCTION:
As a principal of my own business, a project advisor in print and film, and someone who often writes for a documentary team, I approach film production both as a creative and as a business collaborator. When working with teams, my primary goal is to produce content in a way that makes it easy for people to say “yes.” My reputation is one of reliable, consistent, quality work, delivered on time (or faster). I’m usually able to do this because I understand the logistical side of production, budgetary and talent requirements, time constraints, and how to balance the sometimes competing needs of various stakeholders. That’s when I’m on a job already.

When I’m in my studio, it’s about project planning and development (and then, writing). Because I work in both print and film, and offer author / producer services to others, I often discover inspiring, real people—and sometimes have access to promising IP. For example, I’ve written about the immigrant descendant of a Siberian shaman, and a linguistic genius lured into the FBI during the Cold War. Because of my upbringing in rural America, and my background as a journalist and counselor, I’m not afraid of stories that feature challenging characters, and take place off the beaten track.

Still, from a business development perspective, a manager’s support will be instrumental; I know I can better orchestrate a more deliberate, intentional career trajectory. I welcome more strategy in making creative and lucrative creative choices, matching projects with producers, and gaining more comfort in the realm of pitching in the marketplace.

SAMPLE PROJECT:
TITLE: Shoot, Shovel & Shut Up
GENRE: Black Comedy
CONCEPT: When a dead woman is discovered on his property, a reclusive rancher is forced into a highly publicized murder investigation, and he must untangle a labyrinth of crimes before his family’s secrets are exposed.

Shoot, Shovel & Shut Up reflects several of my favorite storytelling attractors. Black comedy affords a wonderful potential for both humorous and dramatic elements—while avoiding the overt romanticism and stereotyping common in “rural stories.” It’s a great way to introduce characters from the plains states through the 365-day job of a rancher. It’s also an engaging and unexpected vehicle for demonstrating primal, abiding love and sacrifice—at a level often lost in the world of suburbia.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment: I always struggle when translating my “sense” of a story into marketable components…however, in this case I’m stuck on the strength of the main hook. I remember formulating it painstakingly at the beginning of this program, but when I read it now, I can’t tell if I’m projecting a bunch of “what I know about the story” onto it, or if it stands on its own. Also, as I consider the “bankable actor” component, which I do think is the strongest one, I can’t tell if the information I’m choosing is what will excite someone. Am I too close to the story?

Current logline:
When a dead woman is discovered on his property, a reclusive rancher is forced into a highly publicized murder investigation, and he must untangle a labyrinth of crimes before his family’s secrets are exposed.

Strongest Components of Marketability

Several might be worth mentioning, but the strongest is the “great role” component. I’ll list the ones that have any relevance, and then expand on the role:

• B. Great Title — Shoot, Shovel & Shut Up
• C. True — Based on a real person.
• G. Wide audience appeal — In the way that Coen Brothers movies have a wide appeal—funny, quirky—I think this would land. Also, it’s a more realistic, accessible view of ranch life in the plains states while still having some of the intrigue of Yellowstone.
• J. A great role for a bankable actor —This earthy, quick-witted rancher lives by a stubborn code of honor that has shaped his very existence, and will define his most profound decision: Will he sacrifice himself—as usual—to protect one of his many shameless brothers, or finally surrender this brother to the merciless laws of nature? Well…and the Norwegian Mafia.

Brainstorm about how to best utilize the “great role” component in the pitch:

This film is absolutely character-driven. In the pitch, I would have to capture the essence of the main character, which is based on a real man called Rowdy—a coarse, jocular person whose moral code has been defined by absolute family fealty and self-sacrifice. Rowdy sees his only value as the protector of his many selfish siblings, but even he has to think twice when dead bodies start piling up. The next one might be his.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Project and Market

What I learned doing this assignment is that my underlying “draw” for this story has not been expressed anywhere else in this project. My “why” will either work or not work, and I’m curious as to how it will land. Also, I hadn’t really considered #3—where to target the pitch. Considering who might be the best recipient of this information will obviously make a huge difference. Let’s see if my logic is sound!

1. Genre, Title, and Concept.

Black comedy
Shoot, Shovel & Shut Up
When a dead woman is discovered on his property, a reclusive rancher is forced into a highly publicized murder investigation, and he must untangle a labyrinth of crimes before his family’s secrets are exposed.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

For many audience members, “the country” means either Taylor Sheridan’s universe, Fargo, or toothless hillbillies. In contrast, Shoot, Shovel & Shut Up is a rich story about real people—and what it means to live by a life-and-death code in today’s West.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

I think actors’ production companies might be the most effective, because this is a character-driven story about some dynamic people. If actors’ representatives fall in love, and then actors fall in love, then perhaps these parts can be played.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin is Cliché Busting! (And will continue to!)

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT:
Mostly, by the time I got to DOING this assignment, we had already had the live class session about it and I had this in my mind. I wasn’t finished with the first draft yet, and so I usually caught clichés as I first thought of them. (For example, the story starts at a cemetery / burial, and my instant thought was to have the “bad brother” arrive late and in a hopped-up car. I realized even before I wrote the scene that it came from This is Where I Leave You, where Adam Driver’s character screams up in a Porsche.)

Beyond those experiences, I have identified some scenes that have “familiar action,” but I don’t think they’re necessarily clichés. (I also asked Hal this in our call: if there’s a mystery and some of the clues have to be found…does that mean it’s a cliché to find clues? The answer is “of course not,” but we do want to be as original as possible.)

Here are a couple of examples of “familiar action” scenes that I don’t think are clichés:

• Protagonist searching an abandoned house on his family’s ranch—carrying a gun and a spotlight.
• Spying on his brother (antagonist) through the window of a bar.

I will keep coming back to this topic!!

• This reply was modified 8 months, 4 weeks ago by  Kristin Donnan.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S (almost-)SOLVED CHARACTER PROBLEMS!

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT
These characters are becoming more and more solid for me as I work on this story…but when I held them up against the list in this assignment, I realized I have to live with this a bit more before I come to a final decision on their intros—especially that of the antagonist. Therefore, this assignment was super important, but I can’t sit around (Hal says not to!) and waste a week on it. So I’ve got these notes in and will keep moving.

ISSUES WITH ANTAGONIST

In general, I think that my two main characters are strong, unique, definitely not generic, and they’re the right amount of good and bad, BUT I do see some potential pitfalls in their intros.

My examination identified this set of circumstances: in this black comedy, both characters (siblings) are introduced at a funeral. This ensemble-type setting isn’t as dynamic as someone parachuting in, but it supports the setting and has these positives:
• Since there are many family members, and the funeral is the catalyst for the action of the plot; we get to see the group and the whole setting.
• The main characters’ interactions are funny and inappropriate, and their places in the family’s pecking order are established.
• The “big trouble” the antagonist is in becomes evident to the protagonist, which acts as the inciting incident. (Antagonist owes money to their cousin, a small-time mobster.)

I will continue to consider all of this, and be open to changing this scene!

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT
This was a CRUCIAL assignment. Throughout the earlier modules, I was not finding all of my story beats, and had not worked out a lot of the mystery / clues / reveals / etc. So both my outline and first draft were sparse—and this assignment helped me to double-check the most major movements of the story. What I learned is how to focus on this story, GO FASTER IN THE WRITING, and feel the flexibility of change. Finally, while doing this process, the story started telling itself, which is always such a relief.

CHANGES MADE FROM STRUCTURE GRID

OUTLINE / SCRIPT
Here my problem was that the outline was too sparse, which caused some issues. So as I finished writing the high-speed draft, I also beefed up the outline.

WEAK CONFLICT
The conflict in general was good, but HOW it showed up in the antagonist early on was weak. So I really worked on the antagonist’s GOALS, and how the STAKES could be raised.

TURNING POINTS
I beefed up the INCITING INCIDENT and rethought the ORDER of a couple of turning points. All of this was happening as I beefed up the outline, so I was able to compare and contrast the best flow of events. Very helpful.

Then, in a couple of the TPs, the reveal / surprise that occurs ALSO indicate an increasing betrayal—and a troubling, deeper layer of the antagonist.

Finally, I also realized that by tweaking the protagonist’s perception of the antagonist’s journey / goal, the stakes could be raised even further at the beginning of the second act…which allows the Midpoint to be that much more shocking.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY
The protagonist is very habituated in his approach to the world, and the entire system of relationships he knows best support this approach. It’s very hard for him to change. However, just in asking myself to track the transformational journey, I caught two major places (inciting incident and conclusion! very important moments!) where the journey could be strengthened.

[Kristin Donnan]

Hi all,

Sorry I am so late in posting, but I’ve got a black comedy / mystery about a rural ranch family. Would love to exchange at least once before Thursday, if anyone is interested! kd@kristindonnan.com.

Thanks!

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: Transforming this list of information into a scene-based format is so interesting. This is where a tiny bit of “the vision” gets to take shape. One of my favorite parts!

Genre: Black comedy

Act 1:

1. EXT. RANCH CORRALS – DAY
Rex, mid-50s, blue-collar, relatively short-statured, is bottling two baby calves on their shared family ranch. He and his brother Chase—who is much larger than Rex—has clearly been working all night calving. While Chase puts away his gear, they discuss the process of probate following mom’s death. Chase is about to leave for the day—when their charismatic brother Zeke blusters in. Zeke, 6’6” and 300, seems off balance somehow, and it’s clear that he hasn’t visited—or helped—for a long time.

Beginning: Balance of a usual working day
Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Zeke arrives—as usual, bringing chaos with him
End: The dynamic of a large family is at play: we wait and see what is next

2. EXT. RANCH OUT-BUILDINGS – DAY
Zeke awkwardly reveals that he has some claims against the family estate—and the paperwork he has proves that this is how their dad wanted it. Rex tells Zeke if he’s going to come around, then he surely is going to pitch in and not cause trouble. He’s going to help “bag and tag”—and Rex tosses him the field kit. Zeke doesn’t want to go, but obeys.

Beginning: Zeke gathers courage to make his first play
Middle: (betrayal) His play goes against the family code of honor
End: Rex shuts him down, reminds him of what’s important, and takes charge

3. EXT. PASTURE – DAY
As the men pick up new calves, toss them on the flatbed (avoiding concerned and dangerous mothers), they automatically go through the process of vaccination, castration, tagging, and recording numbers on a chart. Suddenly, the ranch dog notices something—over there, where a trail crosses the property, a woman has fallen from a bridge into the creek. Rex hurries over and hops out to help: is she okay?

Beginning: Zeke unhappily contributes; he’s not great at it.
Middle: Work as usual
End: (suspense / major twist) They find a person!

4. EXT. PASTURE – UNDER BRIDGE – SAME
She is NOT okay. She is dead. Rex maneuvers around the body, which is facing away from the pickup…until he can see her face. He then looks squarely at Zeke, who does not look very okay either. Rex simply says the woman’s name. Zeke says nothing. Rex tells him to get the hell out.

Beginning: (intrigue) Investigating the situation / dreading the worst
Middle: (intrigue / uncomfortable moment / major twist) Rex knows that Zeke knows her
End: (suspense / intrigue) Is Rex kicking him out, or telling Zeke to “run”?

Act 2: Investigations

5. EXT. PASTURE / BRIDGE – DAY
Several cops have cordoned off the trail; cops and coroner examine scene. Rex stands out of the way down below, shouting back and forth to the sheriff, who is up on the bridge; cows and dog look on. Rex readily offers up that the whole family knows the dead woman, and that she was working “against them” at the county offices regarding some property issues. The sheriff asks, “Wasn’t Zeke seeing her?” Rex says he knows nothing about that.

Beginning: (mystery) investigation of the situation.
Middle: (intrigue / twist) Rex admits that the dead woman was working against the family.
End: (intrigue / reveal) Rex does NOT admit knowing about Zeke and the woman.

6. INT. MAIN RANCH HOUSE – NIGHT
Rex is exhausted, eating leftovers from a Tupperware, and standing in the doorway to his parents’ office. It’s obviously exactly as they left it. He reluctantly enters and starts opening drawers, looking through files. Eventually, hours later, he finds something that stops him in his tracks.

Beginning: Rex doesn’t want to face the inevitable.
Middle: He dives into the files.
End: (intrigue / suspense) He finds something.

7. INT. REX’S QUARTERS – EARLY MORNING
In the walkout basement / manager’s apartment of the ranch house, Rex is asleep in his clothes on the couch under a Mexican blanket. Both he and his dog are startled awake by an urgent knocking at the nearby sliding door. Rex goes for his handgun on the coffee table—until he sees a “Doc Brown / Back to the Future” type guy peering in. Rex lets in neighbor REGGIE, who blurts out a litany of conspiracy theories to explain the mysterious death. Rex listens for a while, then gathers up a stack of egg cartons and ushers Reggie on his way.

Beginning: Rex has obviously had a hard night investigating
Middle: He’s nervous about circumstances; gun is handy
End: (comedy convention / intrigue) Rex listens to the crazy ideas—maybe “shopping” for something he can use later.

8. EXT. JETT’S HOUSE – DAY
JETT, early 60s, rugged, is feeding her chickens and collecting eggs. She exchanges Rex’s empties for full cartons of eggs as Rex explains reluctantly that he needs her help. This is where we learn that she’s retired law enforcement, and totally loyal to him. Maybe they used to be in a relationship; maybe they still are. Rex needs someone who knows how to solve the mysterious death before the cops do—and someone who knows when to “shoot, shovel, and shut up.”

Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Rex is reluctant to ask; the family is pathologically private.
Middle: (intrigue) This is the first time Rex actually says out loud what he suspects—and some of what he discovered. First mention of “Norwegian mafia.”
End: Jett is all-in.

9. EXT./INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY
Zeke “goes off the reservation” and visits a lawyer. He puts on a brusque, officious persona, but is obviously nervous. Talks about documents that will turn the family upside-down; discusses the lawyer’s working on a contingency.

Beginning: (intrigue / betrayal) We get a clue into what Zeke is thinking.
Middle: (betrayal) Zeke’s affect indicates that he is nervous, possibly scared.
End: The die has been cast.

10. EXT./INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Zeke next goes to the county sheriff’s office, the small town’s cop headquarters. He adopts his tough persona, and finds the highest-ranking person there. He attempts to cast doubt on the investigation because of the “local cops’ relationships with my brother Rex.” He implies that Rex is mismanaging the estate process—and very likely involved with the woman’s death. “There might be cover-up,” he says.

Beginning: (intrigue / betrayal) More of the same, this time getting dangerous for Rex.
Middle: (bigger betrayal) Zeke actually lies to set up Rex.
End: He’s taken a step he can’t take back.

11. EXT. RANCH PROPERTY – BACK 40 & CORRALS – DAY
While fencing, yet another brother—a big old lumbering dunderhead named T-BONE—discovers a SKELETON buried at the edge of their property, in the back 40—which borders a decommissioned military Cold War storage/weapons depot. He “helpfully” brings the skull to Rex—as the local cop is telling Rex that there’s really no way the woman would have fallen off the bridge. He believes she was lifted and pushed. Rex wonders aloud about tourists; cop wonders aloud about boyfriends—and Rex tries to derail both the approaching neighbor Reggie and T-Bone before either one gets too close to the cop. Reggie catches a glimpse of the skull—and Rex takes him aside.

Beginning: (comedy convention / another twist) T-Bone represents the modest, rural lifestyle
Middle: (mysteries / intrigue) The woman was murdered? And what…another skeleton?
End: (comedy convention / cliffhanger) Rex has more to unravel; Reggie goes ballistic.

12. INT./EXT. REX & JETT’S PICKUPS / EXT. ZEKE’S FRIEND’S HOUSE – DAY
Rex and Jett are sitting in their vehicles, talking through their driver’s side windows. Rex hands Jett several baggies of dirt, bone fragments, and the skull. He nods to her, then they both drive away. Rex cruises slowly past several houses—until he locates Zeke’s vehicle parked outside a nondescript place. He rousts Zeke, gets him alone, and reads him the riot act. He says he will help him, but that Zeke has to clean up this mess—and that Zeke must participate in branding. Zeke is stubborn and combative.

Beginning: (internal dilemma) Rex considers what to do.
Middle: (uncomfortable moment / setup) While confronting Zeke, he is hoping against hope that he can scare him straight, or at least remind him of their family code.
End: Zeke is in too deep. He’s chosen his path.

Act 3: Branding / the family comes to help = chaos.

13. EXT. YARD / RANCH HOUSE – DAY
As more than a dozen ragtag vehicles (along with some nicer pickups) pull into the yard, we see loads of people of all ages. Siblings (many very large middle-aged men who look very related), adult children, teenagers, and little kids swarm the area. A very few, including Chase, sister CAROLINE [must introduce her earlier!], and friend Jett actually know how to help. Meanwhile, underlying tension is obvious in the elder generation, including Zeke. Several of the younger siblings buzz about the weekly newspaper, which has an article about the WEAPONS DEPOT, and whether it was the site of a military coverup. Rex is worried that it will mention the skeleton—but it does not. He stops this nonsense and starts assigning tasks.

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment / comedy convention) We see the big family in its organic chaos—with excitement and questions mixed in regarding the recent events.
Middle: (reveal) “Those in the know” exhibit tension, knowing there is more to this.
End: (mislead) Rex reacts to the new story about the weapons depot—relieved that the skeleton is not mentioned.

14. EXT. CORRALS / CHUTE – DAY [RANCHING SEQUENCE]
Rex and several helpers ride horseback, pushing cattle from the back 40 toward the corrals. In a series of shots, workers separate the cows and calves, and calves are run through for branding and vaccinations. When Rex and Caroline are working shoulder to shoulder, he quietly says he’s going to need her help with a family problem. She looks at him, understands it’s something big, and agrees instantly. Later, Caroline sees Rex speaking quietly to Chase, who also nods without question. Back in the chute, Zeke, T-Bone, and other large brothers are pushing animals forward. Like Rex, Zeke is asking for help—but he does it by suggesting they derail the managing partners and “take over the operation.” He also offers “a bigger piece of the pie.” The conversation breaks up when something funny and potentially dangerous happens.

Beginning: (intrigue) What seems to be a normal family work day includes subterfuge.
Middle: (intrigue) Both Rex and Zeke choose their armies.
End: (comedy convention) The branding situation provides many opportunities for a laugh, and also to illustrate that most of the family are ill-suited to this job.

15. INT./EXT. RANCH HOUSE – DAY
The group—dirty, dusty, and tired—shares a meal. Rex runs the grill and looks wistfully over the crowd. The setting appears romantically western—but it is not what it seems. Jett reveals that the forensics friend doesn’t think the old skeleton is old enough to have been associated with the weapons depot, but the tests aren’t done.

Beginning: What seems to be a perfect ending to a long day.
Middle: Rex is nostalgic; he knows this life he loves is ending, one way or another.
End: (intrigue) Jett and Rex think they have a piece of evidence against the family.

16. EXT./INT. LOVEY’S STRIP BAR – DAY
Rex and Caroline enter a dodgy establishment, and stop in the entrance area—to look at hundreds of faded snapshots tacked to the walls. Topless dancers, the proprietor—a striking woman with a huge hairdo, Aunt Lovey—and a VERY LARGE, YOUNG BOUNCER WHO LOOKS LIKE THEIR BROTHERS AND NEPHEWS. A shady-looking cousin greets the siblings and sends them upstairs to Lovey’s well-appointed apartment (many similar photos of the lady with the big hair). She’s in her 90s, but they talk frankly about the past and learn a few key facts about their dad (her brother) and their generation’s activities in the early and mid-1900s. Rex asks if she knows anything about people being killed, jokes about the Norwegian mafia—and Lovey laughs, but says it was no joke. And it ain’t over yet.

Beginning: (comedy convention) This colorful group is both funny and dangerous.
Middle: (intrigue) What really happened?
End: (intrigue / suspense / possible betrayal) Is Lovey delivering a threat?

17. EXT. PASTURES / REMOTE HILLTOP – DAY
Rex finishes his rounds, checking the herd, dropping off salt blocks. Then he heads for a tiny dirt track and drives slowly to a very remote location. He and the dog pick raspberries and wait. Soon, Caroline and Jett arrive in their vehicles and they all trade information. Caroline has dug up more details about the “Norwegian mafia” family history—back in the day, prostitution, guns, alcohol, you name it. Nowadays, some cousins are running drugs. Jett confirms that the skeleton was buried about 30 years ago, in the late 1990s, and that it was a man between 18 and 30. Definitely not the military situation from 50 years before that. Rex thanks Jett, realizing that she has really called in a favor… and then reveals details from the office paperwork. Decades ago, a distant relative had threatened Lovey and her husband. He pulls out a handwritten note from Lovey to their dad, dated 1997. It says, “I don’t know how to thank you for your loyalty. You have always been my protector. And now I have that boy on my side.”

Beginning: (intrigue) The pastoral setting clashes with the secret meeting.
Middle: (suspense / reveals) The intelligence they’re sharing could make or break them all.
End: (set-up) The skeleton might have been a hit?

18: EXT. FENCELINE NEAR MILITARY DEPOT / REMOTE MINE SHAFT – DAY
Jett’s pickup bumps along the fence line near where T-Bone found the skeleton. She is driving Rex and Caroline, and they continue up through the forest to another isolated location. Many abandoned mine shafts are visible, remnants from the gold rush days. The group walks past several, until Jett stops at a very deep, vertical shaft. She shines a very powerful light into the darkness.

Beginning: (intrigue / mystery) This location is associated with the Norwegian mafia—but how?
Middle: (suspense / uncomfortable moment) Jett is showing the siblings something they don’t want to see.
End: (cliffhanger) What’s down there?

19. INT. RANCH OFFICE – NIGHT
Rex, Caroline, and Jett have spread paperwork all over the office. They’re unloading the drawers, finding envelopes of cash, small notebooks, and a couple of handguns taped in desk drawers, to the bottom of furniture, in the closet. They break open an old strongbox—and Caroline lifts out the prize: Blank copies of mineral rights transfer forms, along with forged versions—and official documents with the same copied signature. Their late father was illegally transferring all of the property’s mineral rights away from their mother and to Zeke “in thanks for sacrifice for and dedication to the family.” Rex realizes that Zeke is trying to take their inheritance—and he might still be part of the “Norwegian mafia.” As Rex bolts out of the room, Caroline calls out: “What are you going to do?”

Beginning: (intrigue / mystery) They’re ever-closer to solving the mystery!
Middle: (reveal / betrayal!) Answers… and more questions.
End: (suspense) Rex is faced with a bunch of decisions…and a lifetime of history.

20. EXT. RANCH / TRAIL BRIDGE – NIGHT
Rex drives quickly into the yard, and then onto the walking trail, barreling toward the bridge where the woman “fell.” He stops there, bails out of his pickup, and pulls Zeke from the passenger seat. He confronts him there—asking why he killed the woman, why he killed a man for their father in the 1990s, and how many others he put in the mine shaft. Zeke is stunned silent, and then said he didn’t put anyone in the mine shaft. He then makes a childish excuse, saying that the woman knew about their personal family business, and she tried to blackmail him. Rex says, yeah, the mineral rights. I know about those too. Zeke doesn’t know what to do with his rage, says he “deserves” what he was given—and Rex “will be sorry” if he gets in his way. He storms off down the trail.

Beginning: (suspense / betrayal!) Something is about to blow.
Middle: (uncomfortable moment) Zeke can’t stand up to Rex’s power, and he caves with information—which makes him feel more insecure and desperate.
End: (character change) Zeke moves from whiney to dangerous.

Act 4 DILEMMA: Choosing between protecting your brother and your honor

21. EXT./INT. LOVEY’S BAR – DAY
Rex, Caroline, and Jett cruise the alley behind Lovey’s Bar; yes, Zeke’s vehicle is there. Jett asks Rex if he wants police presence, and is silenced immediately by Rex’s look. Inside the bar, we have the inevitable, monumental show-down between Rex and Zeke. Lovey watches from the bar; a couple of goons watch from the doorway. No one intervenes. Zeke’s much larger stature does not help him. He is bested by Rex’s fighting skill; he is shamed by Rex’s words. At the end of the fight, cops push aside the goons. Lovey drifts upstairs.

Beginning: (suspense) This could turn out to be really bad.
Middle: (uncertainty / suspense) We don’t know if Lovey will take sides. We’re sure there are guns there, and plenty of muscle.
End: (suspense) Will the smaller brother really beat the larger, younger brother?

21. EXT. FENCE LINE NEAR MILITARY DEPOT – DAY
Cops are swarming the location where T-Bone found the skeleton. Rex watches from a distance, on horseback. Dog in “wait” position.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: Last time in the WIM class, my method of keeping track of elements was confusing. This time, I’ve created an Excel file that is making things much easier to see. Also, several of the deeper layer items are already associated with character actions. Still, this assignment was a double-check to make sure things are in the right places (or… what is still missing); I also had not yet fully embraced how the genre conventions could really show up. So that’s super crucial for this black comedy!

Genre: Black comedy

Act 1: John’s normal ranching duties (as the manager of their family ranch, which is in probate) is disrupted by an unexpected visit from one of his 10 siblings, a charming but manipulative brother, Zeke.

John PJ1: We see John at peace, really accomplished at his tasks. We also see the respect he’s given by another brother—and the pecking order. Regardless of anyone’s age, John is definitely in charge.

INCITING INCIDENT: Zeke awkwardly reveals that he has some claims against the family estate, and John tries to set him straight about family relationships and honor.

Comedy convention: John is the “runt” of this large family of 11—he’s maybe 5’9”. There’s only 1 sister; the others are big men, 6’4” to 6’7”. Many are 300 or more pounds. They’ve led a scrappy life, and they’ve all been in fights—but few could beat John. He is gnarly strong, coordinated, and in very good working condition. Also, the brothers range in age from late 60s down to late 40s. So not everyone is still in shape.

Zeke AJ1: Zeke’s blustery efforts to influence John and the other brother are unsuccessful. He feels ineffectual.

TURNING POINT 1: As Zeke reluctantly accompanies John on some calving duties, they discover that a woman has evidently fallen from a bridge onto their property. She is dead.

John PJ2 / Deeper layer: When John identifies her as someone from town, he looks to Zeke. With much left unspoken, he tells Zeke to vamoose.

Act 2: Investigations: John “goes undercover” to investigate the death—sensing there is more to it than meets the eye—while still cooperating with cops.

Deeper layer: John starts looking through family files and paperwork… and begins finding clues to past dealings in his family. He’s not sure what they mean, but they suggest that the Norwegian side of the family might have been in some shady business.

John PJ3 / Comedy convention: John is a cranky loner, but also very witty. His dealings with local cops and press and disarming and starkly transparent. He admits that the dead woman was actively trying to influence their property decisions, and that the managing partners did not like her.

Comedy convention: Conspiracy-theorist neighbor George has all kinds of ideas about what happened to the dead woman.

John PJ4: John enlists the help of one friend, JETT, a retired law enforcement agent who understands the “unspoken laws” of rural life—to “shoot, shovel, and shut up.” He takes the friend into his confidence, and says he needs to beat the cops to the answer.

Zeke AJ2: Zeke “goes off the reservation” and visits a lawyer. Talks about documents that will turn the family upside-down; discusses the lawyer’s working on a contingency.

Zeke AJ3: Zeke also goes to the local cops’ superior—attempting to cast doubt on the investigation because of the “local relationships with my brother John.” He implies that John is involved with the woman’s death and there might be cover-up.

TURNING POINT / MIDPOINT: Yet another brother, a dunderhead named T-Bone, discovers a SKELETON buried at the edge of their property, in the back 40—which borders a decommissioned military Cold War storage/weapons depot. He “helpfully” brings the skull to John, during one of John’s chat with the cops.

John PJ5: He derails T-Bone before the cop sees what he has… realizing that this is the last thing they need. He also suspects this evidence might be relevant, but he doesn’t know how. He tells Jett that it might have something to do with what he dubs “the Norwegian mafia” in his family’s past.

Comedy convention: Conspiracy-theorist neighbor George finds out about the skeleton near the weapons depot, and will become pivotal in introducing a red herring about the defunct weapons site. (I haven’t figured this out yet.)

John PJ6: John locates Zeke and tells him he has to clean up this mess. He says I will help you, but what the hell is going on?

Zeke AJ4: Zeke is uncooperative / does not show his hand.

Act 3: Branding / the family comes to help = chaos.

John PJ7: As John organizes one of the biggest tasks of the year, he also decides to ask for more help, to share the burden of the secret investigation. He and Jett bring sister Caroline into the inner circle. She agrees to help.

Zeke AJ5: Zeke takes the opportunity to act like an important figure in the family, and pulls some of the siblings aside to try to ingratiate them. He also suggests to a couple of key players that they should “work together” to derail the managing partners. He has a “golden ticket.”

Comedy convention: The branding situation provides many opportunities for comedy.

John PJ8 / Comedy convention: He and/or Caroline seek out the elders who are still alive in the family, and slowly discover the extent of the “Norwegian mafia’s” activities in the early and mid-1900s. Prostitution, guns, alcohol, you name it. These seemingly normal old folks were totally wild.

Red herring: Meanwhile, Jett researches the military angle, to see if there was an accident at the old facility that might have resulted in deaths (re: the old skeleton).

Deeper layer: In the process, Jett discovers an old mine shaft… which might just have bones in it. Jett then starts researching the mining operations on the property from the old days.

John PJ9: John and his team discover that Zeke and their late father had attempted to wrest the mineral rights to the entire property away from their mother. Zeke has documents that say he owns all of these rights—which throws a wrench in the entire estate valuation. John realizes that Zeke is still part of the “Norwegian mafia” arm of the family.

TURNING POINT 3 / Deeper layer reveal: John confronts Zeke—telling him this will not stand. John asks him what he knows about the skeleton buried near the weapons depot. Zeke is stunned silent, and afraid. John puts it all together: Zeke killed the woman, who knew about the mineral rights. Zeke killed someone for their father years ago, and buried him. Zeke is the enemy.

Zeke AJ6: Zeke loses his cool, manipulative exterior. He is afraid of John, but desperate and feels “deserving” because of his close relationship with their late father. He threatens John’s life if he gets in his way.

Act 4 DILEMMA: Choosing between protecting your brother and your honor

CLIMAX / Comedy convention: The inevitable, monumental fight between John and Zeke. Zeke’s much larger stature does not help him.

Ending / Resolution: John decides that his personal honor is more important than his “family code,” which he always thought was the most important thing in the world. Zeke is arrested.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Deeper Layer!
VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”
WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: I was pleased to realize that I had been building these in automatically, so this assignment was really a double-check for that. Of course, the double-check makes me more aware, more conscious, or maybe more deliberate. I do feel that these things have to be intentional… I also realize I’m “missing some,” but that’s okay for now!

• Surface Layer: John is running a ranch for his family until the probate / estate is settled.
• Deeper Layer: The ranch family is intimately involved in the “Norwegian mafia,” which John always thought was just a tall tale.
• Major Reveal: As he investigates the murder, he discovers his brother’s involvement—and that the dead woman is collateral.
• Influences Surface Story: Now the stakes are much higher.
• Hints: Zeke’s first appearance is weird; his and John’s behavior at the scene of the death indicates that John knows something is up; John’s behavior with the cops; discovery of the “igloo site” skeleton; discussions with elders; uncovering the mineral rights situation.
• Changes Reality: John is faced with an impossible dilemma of either protecting his brother and family’s past or living with honor.

• Beginning: The calm setting belies the criminal underbelly of the family.
• Inciting Incident: Zeke’s sudden appearance and weird behavior suggest a problem that has deeper roots—more than just the normal bickering that comes with estate stuff.
• Turning Point 1: Everyone’s behavior at the death site.
• Act 2: Indications of the more sinister situation come from old relics from the past / storage. Things just don’t add up.
• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The “igloo skeleton” causes John to identify and name the “Norwegian mafia.”
• Act 3: The elders provide essential clues to put the back story together.
• Turning Point 3: With his team, John uncovers the mineral rights plot, which was part of the mafia mentality.
• Act 4 Climax: This is the war of good and evil.
• Resolution: Good wins, but it’s not a happy ending for John. He’s lost the thing that took him through life, the “family code.”

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Character Structure

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: I already was familiar with the idea that the antagonist’s journey doesn’t have to match up with the main plot, but the use of AI in this one was especially helpful. I had correctly positioned the early phases of my antagonist “before the film starts,” but wasn’t sure how to manage the main turning points (not the action, per se, but the TPs), and AI “did what I was thinking” but organized it in a way that made me say, “oh, of course.” So it was super helpful. I also was having trouble knowing what my antag was going to do now and then, so I LET IT GO for now. 

Character Journey: Protagonist John

Beginning:
John starts as a reclusive rancher, deeply connected to his family's homestead and livestock, but emotionally isolated and burdened by his father's demeaning legacy. He feels obligated to maintain the family ranch and uphold the family's reputation, often at the expense of his own desires.

Turning Point:
The discovery of a dead woman on his property pulls John into a murder investigation, compelling him to engage with the modern world and its complexities. This incident also brings to light his brother Zeke's potential involvement, forcing John to navigate the conflict between family loyalty and justice.

Midpoint:
John uncovers deeper, more sinister family secrets, including connections to old crimes and hidden skeletons. He realizes the extent of his family's involvement in underworld activities and begins to question the moral code he has followed all his life.

Turning Point:
John learns about the theft of his mother's mineral rights by his father and Zeke, a betrayal that shatters his belief in the family code. This revelation forces him to confront the moral and ethical implications of his actions and his family's legacy.

Dilemma:
John faces a critical choice: protect his family's reputation and maintain the status quo, or expose the truth and risk destroying the family. Both options carry significant personal and familial costs.

Major Conflict:
The ultimate confrontation with Zeke is both physical and symbolic. John must decide whether to continue protecting his family at the cost of his integrity or to stand up for what he believes is right, even if it means turning against his own blood.

Ending:
John emerges from the conflict with a newfound sense of integrity and self-acceptance. He chooses to forge a new path, rejecting the corrupt family code and seeking a life defined by his own values. His world changes as he gains a sense of belonging and appreciation for who he truly is.

Character Journey: Antagonist Zeke
[Zeke’s actual “beginning” happens before the movie, with shady behavior he conducted with his father years before. After both his parents’ deaths, the land/business are now in a probate process, and he sees his opportunity to make a land grab. However, when someone in government—whom he’s also been dating—realizes there’s something fishy going on, he takes desperate action.]

Film opening:
Zeke is introduced as a charismatic but selfish and manipulative figure. He feels entitled to the family ranch and believes he deserves more than what he has received, driven by a need to prove himself and outshine John.

Turning Point:
When the dead woman is discovered, Zeke's past begins to catch up with him. The investigation threatens to expose his secrets, and his relationship with John becomes strained as suspicions grow.

Midpoint:
Zeke's hidden agenda to sell the ranch and pocket the money comes to light. He manipulates family members and outsiders to shift suspicion away from himself, further entangling himself in lies and deceit.

Turning Point:
As John uncovers the theft of the mineral rights, Zeke's deceptions and betrayals are revealed. This causes Zeke to become increasingly desperate and reckless, willing to do anything to protect his secrets and ambitions.

Dilemma:
Zeke is torn between continuing his manipulative schemes to secure his future or facing the consequences of his actions. Either choice threatens his carefully constructed persona and his standing within the family.

Major Conflict:
The final confrontation with John is a desperate attempt by Zeke to assert his dominance and secure his plans. The fight represents Zeke's struggle to maintain control and his fear of losing everything he believes he deserves.

Ending:
Zeke's world collapses as his schemes are exposed and he faces the consequences of his actions. His downfall is complete, and he is left to grapple with the reality of his failures and the loss of his family's respect. His journey ends in defeat, contrasted with John's newfound integrity and self-acceptance.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Supporting Characters

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT: There are some characters I absolutely KNOW need to be in the story, and a lot I’m not sure about. I want the main character to be one sibling of a large family, and for there to be a chaotic-type feeling around… but also I don’t want things to get out of hand. I’m realizing I have to be careful about how I organize this or the story will get buried.

• Supporting Characters:
Jett: John’s trusted neighbor, and a retired law enforcement agent.
Main purpose: Jett helps John, and then Caroline, with their covert investigation.
Value: Helps us gauge how outlandish this case is, how dangerous the past crimes, and whether John can figure it out.

T-Bone: Another brother.
Main purpose: T-Bone’s bumbling “assistance” inadvertently uncovers more of the past crimes.
Value: He also provides comic relief and fleshes out history.

Aunt Lovey: The only living member of the Norwegian Mafia.
Main purpose: She’s the source of the answers to their nagging history questions.
Value: Comic relief, along with confirmation that John is not crazy.

George: John’s conspiracy-theory neighbor.
Main purpose: His outlandish claims and “reports” put the actual (outlandish but real) story in perspective.
Value: Comic relief

Frenchie: The main investigator
Main purpose: Someone in the public for John to spar with, and the main source of the legal threat.
Value: He understands the language, tone, and tenor of the community. John can actually be himself in front of Frenchie.

• Background Characters:
The dead woman: Realtor who was messing around in the estate business
Many other family members (gathering for events and the investigation)

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S CHARACTER PROFILES PART 2

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS LESSON: It’s just continually interesting how the details keep swirling around my brain, while at the same time, somehow, the characters are being revealed. I can’t tell if I’m getting better at seeing them—or if they’re going to jump out from behind a tree and scare me later.

PROTAGONIST: JOHN
CHARACTER SUBTEXT: John is a guardian who conceals the burdens of his family’s secrets at his own personal risk—all the while secretly afraid that this risk is actually meaningless.
CHARACTER INTRIGUE: HIDDEN AGENDA: John is covertly collecting evidence to clear his brother’s name—and then shield his whole family—while appearing to be indifferent or hostile toward the investigation. CONSPIRACY: He conspires with sister and friend to assist with fact-finding and status quo—until he realizes the depth of the situation.
FLAW: Black and white thinking that he thinks makes his life decisions easier. Insecurity causes him to shut everyone else down—which makes him struggle on his own.
VALUES: The cowboy way; The brother code—whatever it takes; The simple life—“you’re my people”
CHARACTER DILEMMA: Feels obligated to protect the family (duty) versus fearing that his efforts will never be enough (self-worth).

ANTAGONIST: ZEKE
CHARACTER SUBTEXT: Zeke is a betrayer who manipulates his family to satisfy his greed—which is fueled by his unacknowledged jealousy. He simply wants to be the big man on campus.
CHARACTER INTRIGUE: “Finally getting what Dad promised him,” or so he has deceived himself.
HIDDEN AGENDA – Zeke has a secret plan to sell the ranch and pocket the money, an extension of his previous conspiracy with his dad, when they stole the mineral rights from his mother. DECEPTION – Zeke manipulates family members and outsiders, creating false narratives to shift suspicion away from himself and onto others, as well as hiding the fact that he killed the realtor.
FLAW: Hubris, leading to overconfidence and reckless decisions.
VALUES: Self preservation
Character dilemma: Outsmarting/hurting the family versus nostalgia and wanting to be part of the family.

TRIANGLE: CAROLINE
CHARACTER SUBTEXT: Caroline is a mediator who uses her empathy to uncover the truth while shielding her brothers from further grief and pain. She wants everyone to get along, and suffers with their suffering.
CHARACTER INTRIGUE: UNSPOKEN WOUND – Caroline is deeply affected by the family’s traumatic past, particularly the abuse they suffered, and this grief drives her actions and decisions. SECRETS – Caroline knows a crucial piece of information about the murder or family history that she hasn’t shared with anyone, especially to protect John.
Flaw: Thinks she knows best for everyone.
Values: Do your job.
Character dilemma: Covering up to protect John from undeserved fallout versus telling the whole truth.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S CHARACTER PROFILES, PART 1
VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: That although I “know these characters,” sometimes I have forgotten the details of the work I’ve already done to create them. Each lesson causes me to be reintroduced into a series of important aspects. We’ve been calling these aspect layers—and yes, they are layers—but also it’s as if the sun glints off them differently and I see another facet. And then another.

HIGH CONCEPT: When a dead woman is discovered on his property, a reclusive Plains rancher is forced into a highly publicized murder investigation, and he must untangle a labyrinth of crimes before his family’s secrets are exposed.

PROTAGONIST: JOHN
PROTAGONIST’S JOURNEY: John undergoes a transformational journey from a reclusive rancher bound by family loyalty to a conflicted individual torn between protecting his family and seeking justice—for the recent victim and for historical wrongs. Throughout the story, he grapples with his moral compass and the consequences of his choices.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:
1. Known for Role: What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? He’s contrary, cantankerous, witty, strangely well-spoken for a redneck, and incredibly earnest. He lives by a code, believes that he is part of a clan that also lives by the code, and is willing to die for his siblings. He’s like an old-fashioned Western fiction character, but he finds no irony or humor in it. He’s holding onto the past; he’s for real in a very flighty, modern world.
2. Most Interesting Character: What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? John's journey from a reclusive loner to a reluctant detective, forced to confront his family's secrets and navigate a murder investigation—all the while living by an antiquated “family code”—makes him a compelling and dynamic character.
3. Interesting Actions: What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? At the murder location (which is on his family’s property), he openly volunteers to law enforcement that he held the deceased in very low esteem, and that she posed a threat to his family. He runs the ranch with confidence, makes hard livestock decisions with clarity, and makes it known exactly what he thinks of everyone in his presence. As he begins to understand what happened (re: recent murder and old coverups), he automatically and unapologetically hides the truth to protect his family. As he goes about his ranching duties, he does a dance with nature that is pure and beautiful. He displays great love and sweetness toward his sister.
4. Introduction: How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? The introduction has three beats: first is John’s interaction with a particular cow, who is having difficulty with her birthing process; second is the unexpected arrival of Zeke, one of his younger brothers. In both of these, we see the charming mixture of witty crudeness and love. The third is the immediate discovery of the dead woman on their property, and his transparent, rude way of dealing with law enforcement, the public, and the situation in general. No propriety. No need for social grace. No ass kissing.
5. Emotional Range: What could be this character’s emotional range? This character will range from tender and deep to explosive and deadly.
6. Subtext: What subtext can the actor play? The heartfelt commitment to family, honor, and “the code” that have defined his every breath—eventually followed by the depth of despair when he realizes that there was no honor. He has a moment of hopelessness when he realizes that some of the people for whom he sacrificed did not live by the code, and will sacrifice him again if necessary.
7. Interesting Relationships: What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? His fraught, complex relationships with his siblings stem from their shared abuse by their father; his tender relationship with his sister and a couple of friends show a corner of his huge heart; his willingness to pitch in for neighbors when needed (“shoot, shovel, and shut up”) will show his depth of connection to the culture and place.
8. Unique Voice: How will this character’s unique voice be presented? John's unique voice is characterized by his blunt honesty, dry wit, and a hint of vulnerability beneath his tough exterior. He’s as smart as his family’s lawyers and as crass as a construction worker.
9. Special: What could make this character special and unique? What sets John apart is his unwavering loyalty to his family and his willingness to sacrifice everything to uphold their unbreakable code, even if it means risking his own life.

PROFILE
1. ROLE IN THE STORY: A tortured soul who has always sacrificed his own goals to serve his family—and is faced with an “ask” that goes too far. By the end, he has chosen to save his life, both literally and figuratively.
2. AGE RANGE / DESCRIPTION: 50s, “rode hard” rancher.
3. CORE TRAITS: Stubborn, isolated, loyal, dependable
4. MOTIVATION: WANTS to do what’s best for the family. NEEDS: Connection / to belong / to be needed / to be seen and appreciated
5. WOUND: His dad labeled him as the “runt,” not his “real son,” the least of them, disposable.
6. LIKABILITY / RELATABILITY / EMPATHY
OPENING
• Likability: He is totally connected to the livestock on the ranch; gentle with calves (but not too gentle).
• Relatability: John is carrying on his mother’s wishes, taking care of the ranch for his siblings; “doing his duty.”
• Empathy: His work is hard; it’s 365 days a year. He just puts one foot in front of the other.
ONCE HE REALIZES THERE’S A PROBLEM
• Likability: He’s protective of his sister and family, even if some of the brothers don’t deserve it. Also, he’s honorable.
• Relatability: He mourns the loss of his mother; goes to her grave and “reports” to her; they used to be in this together.
• Empathy: We feel his fear, his loss of what his life will be without her. He both loves and hates the obligation for the family; he resents and defines himself by the role he plays.

ANTAGONIST: ZEKE
ANTAGONIST’S JOURNEY: Zeke's journey transforms him from a charming yet manipulative brother into a ruthless antagonist driven by deep-seated insecurities and ambition. As John's investigation closes in, Zeke's facade crumbles, revealing his willingness to betray his own family to protect his secrets. Ultimately, his desperate actions lead to his downfall, exposing the tragic consequences of his moral corruption.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:
1. Known for Role: What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
This role offers an actor the opportunity to portray a charismatic yet morally ambiguous character who is driven by greed and betrayal, providing a chance to explore complex motivations and conflicts. He’s also schooled in the family party line, and grew up with the same “code” that John still lives by—so he knows exactly how to violate it.
2. Most Interesting Character: What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? Zeke's transformation from a seemingly harmless schemer to a ruthless antagonist, willing to betray his own brother for personal gain, makes him a captivating and unpredictable character.
3. Interesting Actions: What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Zeke could engage in manipulative tactics to undermine John's authority and sabotage his efforts to uncover the truth, all while maintaining a facade of innocence and charm. For example, he'll murder one of his many girlfriends—because she’s learned too much and is in a position to blow his cover. He’ll try to cover up his past indiscretions—which he conducted on his father’s orders years ago. And he’ll betray his closest brother, John.
4. Introduction: How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? Zeke is introduced as the charming yet manipulative brother who returns to the family ranch with ulterior motives, immediately casting doubt on his true intentions and setting the stage for conflict.
5. Emotional Range: What could be this character’s emotional range? When dealing with the public or his siblings, Zeke is charming on the outside, a pool of anxiety on the inside. But as the investigation continues and his plans unravel, Zeke’s actions become more desperate; his veneer of casual banter eventually implodes.
6. Subtext: What subtext can the actor play? Beneath Zeke's charming facade lies a deep-seated resentment toward his family, the fruitless childhood pursuit of acceptance from a Borderline father, and an adult’s ruthless ambition to secure his own financial independence.
7. Interesting Relationships: What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? The most interesting is with John; it’s a battle of wits and one-upmanship and history and old habits. He’ll also have a cat-and-mouse relationship with the friend / former law enforcement / best friend of John’s, who will be in the background, investigating. With members of the community, he’ll have another face, one of smarmy smoke and mirrors.
8. Unique Voice: How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Zeke's unique voice is characterized by his smooth-talking charm, manipulative charisma, and a hint of underlying menace, making him both captivating and chilling.
9. Special: What could make this character special and unique? What sets Zeke apart is his willingness to betray his own brother—and the one person in his life who knows him best—and manipulate those closest to him for personal gain, demonstrating a ruthless ambition that drives the central conflict of the story.

PROFILE
1. Role in the Story: A person who represents the opposite of John’s moral compass, someone who is willing to ask anything, take anything for his own benefit—at the expense of the people who would sacrifice for him.
2. Age range and Description: late 40s, large stature, charismatic, blowhard
3. Core Traits: Selfish, manipulative, believes his own lies
4. Motivation; Wants what he thinks he deserves; Needs to prove himself / be seen as a player, or the “big guy”
5. Wound: No matter how hard he tried, never lived up to his dad’s “favored son” label
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: Likability:
• Zeke is charismatic, a charmer, smooth—a salesman. We’re not sure we trust him, but he is easy to be around.
• Relatability: We might relate to his need to compete with the very competent John; realizing that Zeke is bigger and more handsome, seemingly more cultured…but just not as formidable. We can relate to this underdog.
• Empathy: We might feel a little sorry for Zeke, at first buying into his victim story. He’s one of those guys who talks about his high school football days as his highest moment.

TRIANGLE CHARACTER: CAROLINE
CAROLINE’S JOURNEY: Caroline evolves from the calm mediator in a chaotic family to a determined investigator risking her safety to uncover Zeke's deceptions, driven by unwavering loyalty to John and a fierce protective instinct. Her quiet strength and empathy shine through as she balances family loyalty with the pursuit of truth, culminating in a climactic confrontation that exposes Zeke's manipulations. Ultimately, Caroline's actions guide the family towards healing and closure, solidifying her role as their moral compass and emotional anchor.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS
1. Known for Role: What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? Sis is the moral compass of this film, demonstrating the same strength and power as her siblings, but also the empathy and kindness that they have pushed away. She is resilient yet vulnerable, fiercely loyal, and strong, allowing an actor to display compassion in the face of adversity.
2. Most Interesting Character: What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? Sis's unwavering loyalty to John, “inside access” to the horror of their past, and natural curiosity to uncover the historical truths—even at personal risk—make her compelling and sympathetic.
3. Interesting Actions: What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Sis could engage in daring acts of investigation and deception to assist John in unraveling the truth, all while navigating the delicate balance of loyalty and betrayal within their family.
4. Introduction: How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? There will be a lot of chaos in this family, a lot of bombastic one-upmanship. Sis will calmly part the seas. To the public, she seems rational and reasonable; to her brothers, she’s the sort of person who carries a gun to a knife fight—but never has to draw.
5. Emotional Range: What could be this character’s emotional range? On the surface, she’s even-keeled, cerebral. But underneath, she pains for her brothers and sisters, realizing how and why they’ve carried their father’s wounds. When needed, she’ll put the hammer down; when no one is looking, she’ll be soft. She’s the family’s primary source of true compassion.
6. Subtext: What subtext can the actor play? Beneath Sis's calm and composed exterior lies a deep-seated fear of losing her family and a fierce determination to protect those she loves. She’s as much a trauma survivor as the others. She’s just got more EQ to handle it.
7. Interesting Relationships: What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Sis's close bond with John and her conflicted feelings towards Zeke add layers of depth and complexity to her character, as she grapples with the complexities of family loyalty and betrayal.
8. Unique Voice: How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Sis is the story’s source of empathy, and her warring brothers’ source of understanding. She personifies quiet strength, unwavering loyalty, depth, nuance, and subtle vulnerability. She’s also the voice of truth. Calm, clear truth.
9. Special: What could make this character special and unique? What sets Sis apart is her unwavering belief in the inherent goodness of her brother John, even in the face of possible evidence to the contrary, demonstrating a loyalty and resilience that defines her character throughout the story.

1. Role in the Story: Emotional and logistical touchstone for John, and moral compass for the story.
2. Age range and Description: 50s, smart, gentle, but no pushover
3. Core Traits: Deeply loyal, analytical, stubborn
4. Motivation; Wants peace / Needs to escape—or, better yet, end—the chaos and history of abuse
5. Wound: As the empath of the family, she saw and felt everything
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
• Likability: She pitches in, “does what she’s told” in a good-natured, team-playing way.
• Relatability: We see her “filling in the gaps,” “taking care” of people who have trouble admitting to their own feelings or needs.
• Empathy: She is in an impossible position; she cannot control these brothers, so it’s sort of like watching a train wreck.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: This part feels more surface than the assignments we just did. To me, these are the “packaging” for the “real story,” which percolates underneath. Just as important. The frosting.

PROTAGONIST: JOHN
OPENING
• Likability: He is totally connected to the livestock on the ranch; gentle with calves (but not too gentle).
• Relatability: John is carrying on his mother’s wishes, taking care of the ranch for his siblings; “doing his duty.”
• Empathy: His work is hard; it’s 365 days a year. He just puts one foot in front of the other.
ONCE HE REALIZES THERE’S A PROBLEM
• Likability: He’s protective of his sister and family, even if some of the brothers don’t deserve it. Also, he’s honorable.
• Relatability: He mourns the loss of his mother; goes to her grave and “reports” to her; they used to be in this together.
• Empathy: We feel his fear, his loss of what his life will be without her. He both loves and hates the obligation for the family; he resents and defines himself by the role he plays.

ANTAGONIST: ZEKE
OPENING
• Likability: Zeke is charismatic, a charmer, smooth—a salesman. We’re not sure we trust him, but he is easy to be around.
• Relatability: We might relate to his need to compete with the very competent John; realizing that Zeke is bigger and more handsome, seemingly more cultured…but just not as formidable. We can relate to this underdog.
• Empathy: We might feel a little sorry for Zeke, at first buying into his victim story. He’s one of those guys who talks about his high school football days as his highest moment.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S CHARACTER INTRIGUE

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: I love the intrigue part of every story, and it’s fun to “see behind the curtain” to what drives the characters and how their secrets work at cross purposes. The subtext and intrigue always seem to go hand-in-hand, which is also fun.

2 AREAS OF INTRIGUE FOR EACH CHARACTER:
PROTAGONIST / JOHN:
HIDDEN AGENDA: John is covertly collecting evidence to clear his brother’s name—and then shield his whole family—while appearing to be indifferent or hostile toward the investigation.
CONSPIRACY: He conspires with sister and friend to assist with fact-finding and status quo—until he realizes the depth of the situation.

These might show up throughout John’s interactions with law enforcement and family elders—as he tries to unwind the secret past of his father. His outward hostility can also be quite funny and derailing for the cops. The conspiracy aspect with Caroline will be a natural extension of their childhood “rules of engagement,” as they always kept secrets. So they will be doing what they do naturally.

ANTAGONIST / ZEKE:
HIDDEN AGENDA – Zeke has a secret plan to sell the ranch and pocket the money, an extension of his previous conspiracy with his dad, when they stole the mineral rights from his mother.
DECEPTION – Zeke manipulates family members and outsiders, creating false narratives to shift suspicion away from himself and onto others, as well as hiding the fact that he killed the realtor.

Zeke’s agenda requires deception, so his entire way of presenting himself is a sham. This will be applied to all of his relationships, explanations, defenses, etc.

TRIANGLE / SISTER CAROLINE:
UNSPOKEN WOUND – Caroline is deeply affected by the family’s traumatic past, particularly the abuse they suffered, and this grief drives her actions and decisions.
SECRETS – Caroline knows a crucial piece of information about the murder or family history that she hasn’t shared with anyone, especially to protect John.

Caroline is more emotionally aware than her brothers, and so has more access to empathy and relationships. However, she’s also been trained in the family’s “rules,” and doesn’t want to tread to heavily as she tries to navigate this all-important chaos.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Subtext Characters

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT: My challenge here was in choosing the best one. I had to really sit for a moment (actually, go away and come back), because several subtext attributes would work for each person. It was a huge exercise to dig deeply enough in my intuition to decide which ones were the best. It was like a multiple choice quiz where 3 of the 4 answers are “correct,” but one is the “most correct.” As I explored the ramifications of each one, I could see (really, “feel”) how the story would shift depending on which one I chose for each person—and how much to “shade” it.

TITLE: Shoot, Shovel & Shut Up

PROTAGONIST: JOHN
SUBTEXT IDENTITY: THE GUARDIAN
SUBTEXT TRAIT: UNSPOKEN FEAR
SUBTEXT LOGLINE: John is a guardian who conceals the burdens of his family’s secrets at his own personal risk—all the while secretly afraid that this risk is actually meaningless.
POSSIBLE AREAS OF SUBTEXT:
• ACT 1: “Handling” the discovery / immediate aftermath of the dead woman’s body.
• ACT 2: Reacting to learning about the family’s history
• ACT 3: Truly becoming THE BOSS, instead of standing in as one. He learns what legitimacy really is.
• ACT 4: Stops denying; stops being afraid; stops bullying; is truly formidable.

ANTAGONIST: ZEKE
SUBTEXT IDENTITY: THE BETRAYER
SUBTEXT TRAIT: HIDDEN INFERIORITY / JEALOUSY
SUBTEXT LOGLINE: Zeke is a betrayer who manipulates his family to satisfy his greed—which is fueled by his unacknowledged jealousy.
POSSIBLE AREAS OF SUBTEXT:
• ACT 1: When John reacts against Zeke’s proclamation / assertion that Dad and he had an underhanded agreement, Zeke instantly goes into defensive mode. Starts blaming, blustering, denying.
• ACT 2: He has to deflect brother T-bone… when T-bone uncovers the skeleton that Zeke buried years before. Zeke becomes desperate!
• ACT 3: Zeke will say that there never was a brother code—that he had to carry their father’s honor on his broad shoulders in sports and other accomplishments. It was all about him, him, him.
• ACT 4: He will never back down, never stop manipulating…even when faced with the hard truth.

TRIANGLE: CAROLINE / SIS
SUBTEXT IDENTITY: THE MEDIATOR
SUBTEXT TRAIT: UNSPOKEN GRIEF
SUBTEXT LOGLINE: Caroline is a mediator who uses her empathy to uncover the truth while shielding her brothers from further grief and pain.
POSSIBLE AREAS OF SUBTEXT:
• ACT 1: Immediately tries to soften / explain / assume the best between the 2 brothers. When the fight happens, though, it’s too much for her at first. Also, when others try to “help” or butt in, she advises against intrusion. Follows the dysfunctional “rules” of the family structure.
• ACT 2: Instantly bails in, assuming that logic and research will speak the loudest. It’s here, when the Norwegian Mafia is discovered, that she gets serious / has an opinion.
• ACT 3: As siblings try to circle the wagons, she automatically agrees to protect everyone. But when she sees that John will become the sacrificial lamb—and they’ll all lose, because of Zeke’s machinations—she takes a stand with John.
• ACT 4: The big fight will be the first time she’s not afraid of confrontation.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S ACTOR ATTRACTORS!

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: When answering the various questions (which ask some things I haven’t figured out yet, like what actions people take), I used too many words. The AI process was very helpful, because it provided some “summary” languaging what came from my own previous work and helped me “see what I was trying to say.” In the end, sometimes I used my originals without edits; sometimes I combined; and sometimes, when I was “writing around the answer, but not getting there,” I relied more heavily on AI’s summaries.
I also realized by doing this assignment that I am more “in relationship” with my protagonist than my antagonist. The AI summaries were more helpful for the antagonist, and allowed me to see him more clearly.
This exercise was especially useful when it might come to pitching. I realized that concise summaries that build on the characteristics of the story, are going to help me pound into my head the themes and layers of intrigue. I’m going to keep this exercise handy for future reference.

JOHN—PROTAGONIST
1. Known for Role: What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
He’s contrary, cantankerous, witty, strangely well-spoken for a redneck, and incredibly earnest. He lives by a code, believes that he is part of a clan that also lives by the code, and is willing to die for his siblings. He’s like an old-fashioned Western fiction character, but he finds no irony or humor in it. He’s holding onto the past; he’s for real in a very flighty, modern world.

2. Most Interesting Character: What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
John’s journey from a reclusive loner to a reluctant detective, forced to confront his family's secrets and navigate a murder investigation—all the while living by an antiquated “family code”—makes him a compelling and dynamic character.

3. Interesting Actions: What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
My longer answer: At the murder location (which is on his family’s property), he openly volunteers to law enforcement that he held the deceased in very low esteem, and that she posed a threat to his family. He runs the ranch with confidence, makes hard livestock decisions with clarity, and makes it known exactly what he thinks of everyone in his presence. As he begins to understand what happened (re: recent murder and old coverups), he automatically and unapologetically hides the truth to protect his family. As he goes about his ranching duties, he does a dance with nature that is pure and beautiful. He displays great love and sweetness toward his sister.

AI’s shorter answer, which is also good: John could engage in unconventional investigative methods, such as using his knowledge of the ranch and its secrets to uncover clues, or confronting suspects with his trademark no-nonsense attitude.

4. Introduction: How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
The introduction has three beats: first is John’s interaction with a particular cow, who is having difficulty with her birthing process; second is the unexpected arrival of Zeke, one of his younger brothers. In both of these, we see the charming mixture of witty crudeness and love. The third is the immediate discovery of the dead woman on their property, and his transparent, rude way of dealing with law enforcement, the public, and the situation in general. No propriety. No need for social grace. No ass kissing.

5. Emotional Range: What could be this character’s emotional range?
This character will range from tender and deep to explosive and deadly.

6. Subtext: What subtext can the actor play?
The heartfelt commitment to family, honor, and “the code” that have defined his every breath—eventually followed by the depth of despair when he realizes that there was no honor. He has a moment of hopelessness when he realizes that some of the people for whom he sacrificed did not live by the code, and will sacrifice him again if necessary.

7. Interesting Relationships: What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
His fraught, complex relationships with his siblings stem from their shared abuse by their father; his tender relationship with his sister and a couple of friends show a corner of his huge heart; his willingness to pitch in for neighbors when needed (“shoot, shovel, and shut up”) will show his depth of connection to the culture and place.

8. Unique Voice: How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
John’s unique voice is characterized by his blunt honesty, dry wit, and a hint of vulnerability beneath his tough exterior. He’s as smart as his family’s lawyers and as crass as a construction worker.

9. Special: What could make this character special and unique?
What sets John apart is his unwavering loyalty to his family and his willingness to sacrifice everything to uphold their unbreakable code, even if it means risking his own life.

ZEKE — ANTAGONIST / JOHN’S BROTHER
1. Known for Role: What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
This role offers an actor the opportunity to portray a charismatic yet morally ambiguous character who is driven by greed and betrayal, providing a chance to explore complex motivations and conflicts. He’s also schooled in the family party line, and grew up with the same “code” that John still lives by—so he knows exactly how to violate it.

2. Most Interesting Character: What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
Zeke’s transformation from a seemingly harmless schemer to a ruthless antagonist, willing to betray his own brother for personal gain, makes him a captivating and unpredictable character.

3. Interesting Actions: What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Zeke could engage in manipulative tactics to undermine John’s authority and sabotage his efforts to uncover the truth, all while maintaining a facade of innocence and charm. For example, he’ll murder one of his many girlfriends—because she’s learned too much and is in a position to blow his cover. He’ll try to cover up his past indiscretions—which he conducted on his father’s orders years ago. And he’ll betray his closest brother, John.

4. Introduction: How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
Zeke is introduced as the charming yet manipulative brother who returns to the family ranch with ulterior motives, immediately casting doubt on his true intentions and setting the stage for conflict.

5. Emotional Range: What could be this character’s emotional range?
When dealing with the public or his siblings, Zeke is charming on the outside, a pool of anxiety on the inside. But as the investigation continues and his plans unravel, Zeke’s actions become more desperate; his veneer of casual banter eventually implodes.

6. Subtext: What subtext can the actor play?
Beneath Zeke’s charming facade lies a deep-seated resentment toward his family, the fruitless childhood pursuit of acceptance from a Borderline father, and an adult’s ruthless ambition to secure his own financial independence.

7. Interesting Relationships: What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
The most interesting is with John; it’s a battle of wits and one-upmanship and history and old habits. He’ll also have a cat-and-mouse relationship with the friend / former law enforcement / best friend of John’s, who will be in the background, investigating. With members of the community, he’ll have another face, one of smarmy smoke and mirrors.

8. Unique Voice: How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Zeke’s unique voice is characterized by his smooth-talking charm, manipulative charisma, and a hint of underlying menace, making him both captivating and chilling.

9. Special: What could make this character special and unique?
What sets Zeke apart is his willingness to betray his own brother—and the one person in his life who knows him best—and manipulate those closest to him for personal gain, demonstrating a ruthless ambition that drives the central conflict of the story.

SIS — TRIANGLE CHARACTER / THEIR SISTER
1. Known for Role: What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
Sis is the moral compass of this film, demonstrating the same strength and power as her siblings, but also the empathy and kindness that they have pushed away. She is resilient yet vulnerable, fiercely loyal, and strong, allowing an actor to display compassion in the face of adversity.

2. Most Interesting Character: What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
Sis’s unwavering loyalty to John, “inside access” to the horror of their past, and natural curiosity to uncover the historical truths—even at personal risk—make her compelling and sympathetic.

3. Interesting Actions: What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?
Sis could engage in daring acts of investigation and deception to assist John in unraveling the truth, all while navigating the delicate balance of loyalty and betrayal within their family.

4. Introduction: How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?
There will be a lot of chaos in this family, a lot of bombastic one-upmanship. Sis will calmly part the seas. To the public, she seems rational and reasonable; to her brothers, she’s the sort of person who carries a gun to a knife fight—but never has to draw.

5. Emotional Range: What could be this character’s emotional range?
On the surface, she’s even-keeled, cerebral. But underneath, she pains for her brothers and sisters, realizing how and why they’ve carried their father’s wounds. When needed, she’ll put the hammer down; when no one is looking, she’ll be soft. She’s the family’s primary source of true compassion.

6. Subtext: What subtext can the actor play?
Beneath Sis’s calm and composed exterior lies a deep-seated fear of losing her family and a fierce determination to protect those she loves. She’s as much a trauma survivor as the others. She’s just got more EQ to handle it.

7. Interesting Relationships: What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Sis’s close bond with John and her conflicted feelings towards Zeke add layers of depth and complexity to her character, as she grapples with the complexities of family loyalty and betrayal.

8. Unique Voice: How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
Sis is the story’s source of empathy, and her warring brothers’ source of understanding. She personifies quiet strength, unwavering loyalty, depth, nuance, and subtle vulnerability. She’s also the voice of truth. Calm, clear truth.

9. Special: What could make this character special and unique?
What sets Sis apart is her unwavering belief in the inherent goodness of her brother John, even in the face of possible evidence to the contrary, demonstrating a loyalty and resilience that defines her character throughout the story.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Kristin Donnan.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S ACTOR ATTRACTORS FOR FARGO

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: Sometimes I take it for granted what attracts someone—or I just do what everyone else does, and I remember “that one awesome scene.” In this exercise, we have to think about the whole character, and consider “how to make what I love about this person become VISIBLE.” It’s actually really fun.

Movie Title: FARGO
Lead Character Name: JERRY LUNDEGAARD
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Jerry is a Midwestern everyman driven by desperation and a wish to be somebody. Because of the tone of the film, he’s a great “straight man” in a black comedy: with his low EQ, he makes an example of a social commentary about moral decay and greed; with his hilarious nervous delivery, he’s fun to portray. Actors would be drawn to his complexity, and the rabbit hole he creates as his actions spiral out of control due to his own shortcomings.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
Jerry's outward charm and affability contrast sharply with his underlying amorality. Also, his relatively low intelligence and “averageness” cause a gradual unraveling; he’s just so lame. Jerry’s futile attempts to manipulate those around him make him intriguing.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
The entire plot is stimulated by Jerry's elaborate scheme to have his wife kidnapped so he can extort money from his father-in-law. His interactions with everyone are fumbling and funny, whether with the criminals he hires or Marge, as he attempts to cover his tracks.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
Jerry marches into the film through his bumbling discussion with the kidnappers in the first scene of the film. Through him, we “hear” the tone of the culture and his personal, convoluted logic. Also, we see him continue with his stupid plan—even as the kidnappers shoot holes in it. His pride, desperation, and poor coping skills are evident in that brilliant opener.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
His range is wide, even though he exhibits a static hum of anxiety throughout. On top of that, he displays moments of charm and charisma to fits of panic and desperation as his plans unravel.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
The actor can convey Jerry's underlying insecurity and resentment, as well as his growing desperation to maintain the façade of success at any cost. I think it also would be interesting to dive into a space where the character you’re playing is so limited in his view of what is possible in life.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
To me, Jerry's most interesting relationship is with Marge, but his interactions with the criminals are also fraught with layers. The relationship with his father-in-law is totally imbalanced (dad has all the power); his family relationships provide the setting of his pitiful life.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Jerry's unique voice is characterized by his double-talking, awkward version of smooth-talking charm. He is doing his best imitation of calculated manipulation, but really he’s just exhibiting panicked desperation. His is also one of the primary examples of the “Minnesota accent” that defines the film (even though it’s named Fargo).
9. What makes this character special and unique?
He becomes a memorable and multi-dimensional character because of his outward, transparently fake charm, which covers an inner moral decay. All of this is displayed in futile, darkly comedic attempts to control his own fate.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
Opening scene: Jerry meets with the criminals he has hired to discuss the details of his wife's kidnapping, including the payoff schedule. He tries to come off as confident and composed, but his façade begins to crack as the criminals push back against his demands. This is funny for so many reasons, because as Jerry attempts to answer their questions, it’s clear that the criminals are poking holes in Jerry’s plan. And if they can see the weaknesses, this movie is going to be a disaster for Jerry. A smart person might rethink the situation, but he tries to maintain control of the discussion—using a performance of authority. The fact that he’s dealing with dangerous people escalates the tension.

Lead Character Name: MARGE GUNDERSON
1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
Marge is an amazing character defined by her regional identity, sharp wit, unshakeable morality, and folksy charm, making her a standout portrayal of a small-town police chief navigating a dark and twisted case. Actors would be drawn to the opportunity to bring to life a character with intelligence, empathy, and a unique perspective.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
Marge's unflappable demeanor and keen investigative skills make her a captivating presence—especially as she personifies a very specific place. Her interactions with suspects and witnesses, as well as her personal life, are all rich with delightful character.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Marge's methodical approach to the case and her ability to piece together seemingly disparate clues showcase her intelligence and intuition. As the case unfolds, each interaction with the various characters she encounters then deepens the different aspects of her character.
4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
Marge is introduced through her initial investigation of a crime scene, which not only establishes her competence and no-nonsense attitude—but also and most importantly puts on display her hilarious approach to life, pregnancy, the grisly nature of the work, and more.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
Marge maintains a mostly calm and composed demeanor throughout the film, but this is also part of the Midwestern “way.” There’s a lot going on under the surface. She also displays moments of frustration, but more interesting and charming is the vulnerable, easy, honest intimacy she shares with her husband.
6. What subtext can the actor play?
The actor can convey Marge's underlying empathy and compassion, her quiet strength and determination in the face of adversity, sparkling humor, and incredible intelligence.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
Marge's relationship with her husband, Norm, is incredibly deep and lovely; it contrasts so well with her clever, subtle interactions with the suspects she interviews.
8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
Marge's character has become a popular symbol for her region. She has unique voice, characterized by her distinctive Minnesota accent, her folksy mannerisms, and her sharp, incisive observations.
9. What makes this character special and unique?
Marge's blend of intelligence, empathy, and unwavering morality, combined with her down-to-earth personality and loyalty, make her memorable and relatable.
10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
In her introductory scene, Marge is awakened early by a call about the shooting. It’s early, but her husband, Norm, insists on making her a huge breakfast (which sets the scene for Marge’s continued eating through the film)—and then Marge calmly heads out to her investigation (after the prowler gets a jump). On site, she meets with local law enforcement (not the sharpest knife in the drawer) and begins a calm and methodical approach at the gruesome crime scene. Her hilarious way of dealing with some morning sickness—and the natural way she gently directs the investigation—illustrate her good nature and her acute police skills. She’s a happy, well-adjusted person, and head and shoulders above the other law enforcement.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S GENRE CONVENTIONS

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: I’ve always realized that a script can “read” one way and “feel” another—depending on a bunch of elements or perspectives. Fargo is a perfect example. On the page, it doesn’t read as funny. In the last 2 projects I’ve worked on, I’ve grappled with this problem, and so this particular assignment is helpful, and the AI was strangely “supportive” in understanding my problem. However…I still get stuck between “not writing a bunch of scenes” or examples in such a brief outline while trying to put in bits that illustrate the genre conventions. A lot of the humor remains in my head, so I’m torn between DESCRIBING and just LABELING, frustrated the whole time that what I “know is funny” isn’t “looking funny.” Anyway, I gave it my best shot—also incorporating the idea of not ruminating or being too fussy. Keep going forward!!

TITLE: SHOOT, SHOVEL & SHUT UP
CONCEPT: When a dead woman is discovered on his property, a reclusive rancher is forced into a highly publicized murder investigation, and he must untangle a labyrinth of crimes before his family’s secrets are exposed.
GENRE: Black Comedy

COMEDY CONVENTIONS / APPLIED TO THIS STORY:
• Purpose: entertain with laughter-inducing moments:
• Incongruence: a loner, socially inappropriate rancher has to wade through the chaos of media and law enforcement in his rural, solitary world.
• Mechanics: Mostly fish-out-of-water, incongruent pairings, and absurd situations.
• Comedic protagonist(s): John is a witty thinker, but he also has to dig into situations with a broad range of unusual people.
• Strong story: This is a deep story about family relationships, betrayal, dashed hopes, and personal risk—with a black comedy twist.

4-ACT STRUCTURE CHANGES
ACT 1:
WAYS TO ADD BLACK COMEDY CONVENTIONS:
• In opening sequences, introduce “incongruent pairings” via antagonist / brother Zeke—highlighting the significant difference in size (John much smaller), and how Zeke is intimidated.
• In TP, when the dead woman is discovered, John’s “fish out of water” / brusque / offensive way of dealing with the cops and situation adds humor.

NEW VERSION
• Opening: Introduce John, a middle-aged, small-statured, oppositional rancher, who desires solitude on his family's homestead.
• His favorite brother, Zeke, arrives—6’5”, ex-military—and announces that they have stuff to discuss. They exhibit an obvious, long-term history with inside jokes and camaraderie.
• Inciting Incident: When Zeke announces his intention to take the ranch for himself, at first John doesn’t believe it. But when the plan is clear, they have a fight—which (former boxer) John wins. He’s amazingly strong, and the big man is obviously intimidated by him.
• Turning Point: The discovery of a dead woman on the property that afternoon distracts John from his family troubles and thrusts him into a modern world of media scrutiny and a murder investigation. John handles it with his usual brashness and political incorrectness…at the same time, he knows that the woman had a past relationship with Zeke.

ACT 2:
WAYS TO ADD BLACK COMEDY CONVENTIONS:
• Continue comedic situations as John stumbles through the law enforcement / media relationships—from misinterpretations to fish out of water.
• As he decides to “go undercover” to beat the cops at the investigative game, his close associations with the locals / intimate understanding of rural life offer lots of opportunity for his being “inappropriate.”
• Similarly, as the 8 siblings get involved, chaos ensues.
• At the Midpoint, bumbly brother T-bone unearths a human skull “yonder way,” which confuses things even further.

NEW VERSION
• New Plan: John must adapt to the intrusion of law enforcement and media attention—he’s brusque to the media, stonewalls the cops, and helps the family of the deceased, following the rural code of survival.
• Meanwhile, he goes undercover “in plain sight,” secretly confronting the implications of his brother's involvement in the murder. No matter what, at this point he’s willing to cover for him, even though his bombastic brother—and most of their 8 siblings—make things worse.
• Plan in Action: John faces the daunting task of uncovering the truth about the murder—which involves hilarious conversations with townsfolk. Even funnier are the rabbit holes involved in connecting the murder to his brother’s past—with help from colorful elders and one not-very-smart brother, T-bone.
• Midpoint Turning Point: When more human skeletons turn up, John suspects his family's involvement in an old underworld cover-up—much more involved than his dad’s old stories about the “Norwegian mafia.” The stakes around the murder investigation just got higher, and the cops are hot on the trail.

ACT 3:
WAYS TO ADD BLACK COMEDY CONVENTIONS:
• Comedic relationships develop with the elder generation, who ran prostitutes and alcohol—all kinds of things John didn’t expect.
• The relationship between John and Sis allows for incongruent perspectives—since she’s the “straight man” of the family, trying to rein him in. And protect him.
• At the TP, John’s incongruent ability to “investigate” allows him to see all the angles. And to adjust his focus.

NEW VERSION
• Rethink Everything: John grapples with the realization that he “believed the lie,” and that he’s the one hanging out in the breeze—defending his family's "code." His good name, his stature in the community—that’s what is shielding a history of criminal activities. So much for “honor”—especially as his brother pressures him for protection and other siblings insist that he stay silent.
• New Plan: With the help of one devoted sister and a neighbor, John embarks on a journey to uncover the real truth behind his family's past, regardless of what might surface. This is where he learns about the bordello, whiskey running thanks to the alcohol inspector, and his dad’s first job as a “head-buster.”
• Turning Point: John and Sis figure out the big cover-up—which causes him to confront the destructive nature of the family code. When John resolves to live by his own principles instead, Zeke’s secrets are endangered; he threatens John’s life.

ACT 4:
WAYS TO ADD BLACK COMEDY CONVENTIONS:
• The “big match” between John and Zeke is something the whole family has been trying to avoid; because of their different sizes and approaches, this can be both funny and frightening.
• In the resolution, John’s unique way of being has its own cast on the dark comedy ending.

NEW VERSION
• Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict: The dreaded, titanic fight happens between John and Zeke—a desperate attempt by Zeke to “be a man,” punctuated by John’s hilarious insults and his deftness. Despite his smaller stature, the formidable John has taken sides and will expose the truth about the murder and his family's past, risking his family’s reputation for justice.
• Resolution: Despite the fallout from his actions, John finds a sense of integrity and self-acceptance, choosing to forge a new path outside the confines of his family's code.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S 4-ACT TRANSFORMATIONAL STRUCTURE

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: I was surprised to learn that by massaging the “conversation” with AI, I could compare and contrast subtleties in the order and expression of things. I don’t mean “wordsmithing” or perfectionism, but instead really understanding things like why switching my inciting incident and turning point was better. I mean, I totally thought I had that right, but AI challenged me. This happened repeatedly, where on first glance, the AI answers seemed “close enough,” but there were important differences. At first, I couldn’t see what the “logic difference” was. So…I asked AI a new question: “How does my original 4-act structure compare with yours?” AI explained that I was thinking more about the protagonist’s emotional journey while AI was focusing on narrative structure. THAT made me ask MYSELF, “At what moment is it best to be thinking about structure? Are you focusing on the right thing?” Which helped me settle on my answers for the assignment. A very circular, but crucial experience.

CONCEPT: When a dead woman is discovered on his property, a reclusive rancher is forced into a highly publicized murder investigation, and he must untangle a labyrinth of crimes before his family’s secrets are exposed.

CONFLICT: John must choose between loyalty to his family and seeking justice for the victim as evidence implicates his brother in the murder, unveiling a larger family conspiracy. Sacrificing his integrity to protect his brother could lead to repercussions from both law enforcement and the criminal underworld.

OLD WAYS: John is stubborn, isolated, beaten down, and living under a protective family code and an unwavering loyalty to his family— at the expense of his own happiness and well-being.

NEW WAYS: With a newfound sense of independence and self-awareness, John discovers his own integrity and discernment, confronts the flaws in the family code, and ultimately chooses to live by his own principles—even if it means breaking away from his family’s expectations.

4-ACT TRANSFORMATIONAL STRUCTURE (EDITED AFTER “DISCUSSING” IT WITH AI)

ACT 1:
• Opening: Introduce John, a middle-aged, oppositional rancher, who desires solitude on his family’s homestead.
• Inciting Incident: John’s beloved brother seemingly initiates a process to take the ranch for himself, confusing John and disrupting his desire for peace.
• Turning Point: The discovery of a dead woman on the property thrusts John into a modern world of media scrutiny and a murder investigation.

ACT 2:
• New Plan: John must adapt to the intrusion of law enforcement and media attention, while also confronting the implications of his brother’s involvement in the murder. He’s willing to cover for him.
• Plan in Action: John faces the daunting task of uncovering the truth about the murder, its connection to his brother’s past, and protecting his family’s secrets from being exposed.
• Midpoint Turning Point: The investigation also reveals the family’s involvement in an old underworld cover-up, startling John and increasing the stakes around the murder investigation.

ACT 3:
• Rethink Everything: John grapples with the realization that his family’s “code” has shielded dark secrets and criminal activities—and that his whole understanding of “family,” “honor,” and “loyalty” is ruined.
• New Plan: With the help of his devoted sister and a neighbor, John embarks on a journey to uncover the truth behind his family’s past, regardless of what might surface.
• Turning Point: John confronts the destructive nature of the family code and resolves to live by his own principles, even if it means betraying his family and putting his life in danger.

ACT 4:
• Climax/Ultimate Expression of Conflict: The dreaded, titanic fight happens between John and his brother—illustrating that John has taken sides and will expose the truth about the murder and his family’s past, risking everything for justice.
• Resolution: Despite the fallout from his actions, John finds a sense of integrity and self-acceptance, choosing to forge a new path outside the confines of his family’s code.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S SUBTEXT PLOTS
VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: I can find a way to integrate all 7 of the subtext plots into this story, since there’s a lot of subterfuge and competing agendas. Layers of family history, and even the fish out of water. I’m not sure I’m “finished learning about this assignment,” as I assume that I will trade out which ones are most important. Since both my own brain and AI can rationalize the benefits of all 7, below I’ve placed my “gut reaction” to the assignment, my “instant response.” I will continue to chew on this one! PS: I also “learned” to do what Hal said: to KEEP GOING. I could totally fall down a rabbit hole on this one.

CONCEPT: When a dead woman is discovered on his property, a reclusive rancher is forced into a highly publicized murder investigation, and he must untangle a labyrinth of crimes before his family’s secrets are exposed.

SCHEME & INVESTIGATION
The two main characters are perfect for this subtext plot, because they are working at cross purposes. In fact, the “investigation” actually reveals a related subtext plot—COMPETING AGENDAS—but we’re “with our protagonist” as he investigates. He’s investigating the murder of a woman found on the property, at the same time his brother (antagonist / murderer) tries to cover it up / redirect it / set up the protagonist.

A MAJOR COVER UP
The protagonist is willing to cover up his family’s past—and even his brother’s past crime—but as he INVESTIGATES, he uncovers DEEPER LAYERS of intrigue. On one hand, he doesn’t realize that his brother (antagonist) is involved in the CURRENT CRIME, and he also discovers that his family was involved in a much more dastardly HISTORICAL CRIME. All of this causes him to question is loyalties. He has to ask: “Is anyone protecting me?”

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Kristin Donnan.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Kristin Donnan.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Intentional Lead Characters

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT: This exercise felt like a “check and balance” process, and for me this has been one of the most useful AI exercises too. That’s because I did my best with my intuition, my storytelling chops, etc., to fully execute the assignment (“in my gut”)—and then was curious and even a little nervous about what AI would say. But when the AI answers came through, it was very interesting to see my “unspoken intuition / feelings” put into more thorough sentences. In this case, then, the AI “said what I meant,” or what I was hoping for, and filled in the gaps. I was heartened in general, because the feedback was good—it feels as if I’ve got some good characters and dynamics here. This makes me feel more confident as we proceed. (I even did the exercise with my supporting characters.) So what I’m learning—in this assignment and as we have proceeded to now—is how AI can be a great writing partner. When AI is “flat,” it’s because what I’m feeding it is flat. When it fleshes out something with more helpful detail, I’m onto something.

Here’s what I ended up with for this assignment:

John (protagonist): A loner, oppositional, middle-aged rancher who takes care of the family ranch for his nine siblings—and knows everyone’s secrets. He is unique because he is no rat, and will die for their unbreakable family code.

• AI re: John’s intentional aspect: John’s background as a rancher with deep familial ties serves the story’s themes of loyalty, betrayal, and the complexities of family dynamics. His internal struggle resonates with audiences, making him a compelling protagonist whose journey they can empathize with and root for.

Zeke (antagonist): John’s brother, dead set on upending the family business and taking all the money. He is unique because he always allowed John to clean up his messes, but he’s willing to betray him for money.

• AI re: Zeke’s intentional aspect<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>: Zeke’s character heightens the stakes for John, forcing him to confront uncomfortable truths about his family and himself. His actions drive much of the external conflict in the story, pushing John to make difficult choices that propel the narrative forward.

Grace (triangle character): John and Zeke’s sister, the only family member John trusts to help unearth the truth behind the family’s secrets. She is unique because she sees the true good in John, and is willing to sacrifice everything to save him.

• AI re: Grace’s intentional aspect:<strong style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Grace’s role as the connecting character amplifies the emotional stakes of the story, highlighting the bonds of family loyalty and the lengths one will go to protect their loved ones. Her presence adds depth to the narrative, enriching the relationships between the characters and driving the story towards its resolution.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Transformational Journey

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned how the structures and concepts I’d developed in pre-lessons and up to now subtly shift as the characters and structure get more and more refined. And now I’m talking to AI like it’s a colleague, which I did not expect (and it’s using first person to refer to its previous comments). So we’re having a conversation about a storyline and people who are becoming more real by the minute. This part of the process (the underlying motivations, issues, challenges of characters) is one of my favorite parts of writing, and I feel like I’m “tossing ideas around” with a friend. Totally weird. In a good way.

Character Arc for Protagonist:

Arc Beginning: Defined and shackled by his family’s secrets and “code”; resistant to change. Arc Ending ultimately embraces the freedom to choose his own path and live by his own code of honor.

Internal/External Journey:

Internal Journey: John confronts his emotional barriers and reassesses his loyalty to his family, ultimately experiencing a profound transformation toward self-acceptance and personal integrity.

External Journey: Navigating media scrutiny, a murder investigation, and familial betrayal, John's is forced out of his comfort zone, where he gradually learns to adapt and evolve, and ultimately emerges as a stronger and more resilient individual.

Old Ways: John is stubborn, isolated, beaten down, and living under a protective family code and an unwavering loyalty to his family— at the expense of his own happiness and well-being.

New Ways:With a newfound sense of independence and self-awareness, John discovers his own integrity and discernment, confronts the flaws in the family code, and ultimately chooses to live by his own principles—even if it means breaking away from his family’s expectations.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Laree Griffith. Reason: Removed HTML tags so others can post
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Laree Griffith. Reason: Removed HTML tags so others can post

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

VISION: “I envision writing so well and consistently that I’m in demand, cherry-picking projects, selling beyond my wildest dreams, collaborating with people I admire and truly care about, and speaking my soul—on a big scale—so that I enjoy professional freedom, financial freedom, and joy.”

WHAT I LEARNED IN THIS ASSIGNMENT: For a few days, I made myself stay away from the various hooks and AI feedback bits, because everything I looked at was mushing together. By doing this assignment, “fresh,” I was immediately able to see what I wanted, make a few changes, and confirm (at least for now, I know we can change later!) which direction I want to go. I also was able to envision the story with 2 different character structures, and with this new frame of mind, I could tell which one felt better. So, boom. I learned in this assignment that following Hal’s instructions is working for me. Do the task, don’t overthink it, let it sit, go back with fresh eyes.

TITLE = Shoot, Shovel & Shut Up

GENRE = Black Comedy

HIGH CONCEPT = When a dead woman is discovered on his property, a reclusive rancher is forced into a highly publicized murder investigation, and he must untangle a labyrinth of crimes before his family’s secrets are exposed.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Dramatic Triangle

[Kristin Donnan]

1. Kristin Donnan

2. I’ve written 5 scripts… not including the most recent one, which had a fatal flaw and is in the hospital, on life support. 🙂

3. What do I hope to get out of the class? So many things! I’ve been feeling nervous/ignorant about the AI thing, and I’m really happy to have some tutoring in this process. Also, I was about to do CPR on the script mentioned above (during 2022/2023 WIM!), and then right around Module 7, I got hired for two jobs that sucked up all my time ever since, for the last year+. It was good to have work, but that script stalled in its tracks, as I felt I had to (almost) start over. I read all the WIM assignments and understood the process, but this new class is coming at a great time. Of course, I might get another job, but fingers crossed that I can FINISH WIM with a great product—and also break through the challenges I had last time. Thanks!

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about me? The other thing I do, besides writing and editing and publishing (movies and books) is help my rancher friends with their cattle. This is calving time, so I’m doing all kinds of things at all hours. We have only one bottle-baby at the moment, but there are several newbies each day. It can be a lot of work, but they’re cute, and they give me a great reason to be outside—and away from my office!!

[Kristin Donnan]

1. Kristin Donnan

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to. OKAY! SEE BELOW.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN Solved Scene Problems!

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED: Having realized during the Career Launch program that I had been “side-stepping” some key elements in my story, I had to go back and rework the structure. Once I did that, then I was able to get to the scene level. Re: evaluating for this grid, there were several places where I was happy that at least SOMETHING was still working, but I did find many places to fix.

Basic scene design — Sometimes I had just focused on “getting X done.” It’s a much better situation to get X done in a great way. I found that a lot of these enhancements happened when I was doing something else. I’d have to run back to the computer and rewrite.

Situations don’t challenge characters — I did find sometimes that I was giving some of my characters a “pass,” or the easy way out of a scene.

Uninteresting scenes — This was a toughie. I usually think of scenes like this as just functional—so reconsidering how to make something functional into something awesome revealed some unexpected story breatkthroughs.

Scenes that don’t advance the story — This wasn’t as much of a problem as whether they were interesting.

Scene accomplishes only one purpose — Also a key place for breakthroughs, where something can hit on more than one element (and it doesn’t have to just be a major turning point).

Exposition-filled scenes — This isn’t my usual problem, but the courtroom / legal details proved challenging on this front.

When do I reveal what? — I’m still having trouble with set-ups and reveals…and I know I’ll come back again and again with this.

Cliché scenes and action — I fixed a bunch of the cliché issues in the last lesson, but I found this to be an easy place to cheat. Always good to keep an eye out!!

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN is Cliché Busting!

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED: This one was hard, and it came when I was rethinking my entire story (thanks to the Manager / Career Launch class)… so I had to revise my beat sheets and catch up the concept first. After that, realizing where the clichés were was really helpful. They are easy to overlook, and it was a challenge to figure out the problem they were masking. A very good exercise and I think I’ll have to do it again at some point.

Cliché: PROTAGONIST’S SOCIAL INHIBITIONS. In several scenes, Protagonist is a bit awkward, and his kid “translates” for him in social situations.

New Version: The focus in these moments is on the kid. No one expects the dad to be different, and the universe simply works around him. As the kid just keeps doing his thing, he becomes an expert in his own right. Yes, he still defers to his dad, but he’s actively taking part, both socially and scientifically; he’s becoming a real teammate. At the same time, the dad still gets to be “whole.” He still effectively parents, effectively lives his life, so he’s not seen as disabled or something like that. He’s just different. And… this provides the basis for “old ways,” because it’s a clear place to make change.

Cliché: “FINN” THE SCANDINAVIAN. I realized I was not being very creative in my “immigrant dude” depiction. Just by asking the cliché question, I realized how I was riding coattails. It’s surely “been done” that Scandinavian immigrants talk and carry themselves in a way that can be funny. Fargo gave us the harsh perspective on that, while A Prairie Home Companion (while not a film) explained it all from the humorous side. A similar situation in a different culture was depicted in Snatch, where Brad Pitt played an “Irish Traveler” who speaks Shelta, also known as Cant, an old Irish dialect. In that case, no one could understand him.

New Version: Here, a heavily accented Finnish person is based on an exaggeration of a real family in the story. To make things unique, however, now the Protagonist (who’s also of immigrant descent, although from Swedish parents), feels very comfortable with Finn. The two of them lapse into a comfortable rhythm—but the Finnish character is not comfortable with anyone else.

Cliché: “WAR ROOMS” in legal cases. I was just using them as a place to share details (exposition, I guess)—because legal details are boring.

New Version: Considering introducing in a walk-and-talk here, which will illustrate the differences in approach between the two camps. Now it’s about humans, and we also pick up the content of the dialog. When we go back into them in later scenes, we easily pick up just the facts or dynamics we need.

Cliché: COURT ROOMS. It’s been my biggest problem. Not only cliché, but also just unwieldy. Plus, there was a big problem: Trial of the Chicago 7. That judge was even more insane, unprofessional, and biased than this horrible judge—and even though they were both “real,” I can’t risk looking like a copycat.

New Version: To make it different, and funnier, I’ve incorporated the antics of the goofy US Attorney and other lawyers, including their awkward use of the “ELMO” machine and other exhibits. I’ve also changed the gender of the judge and made her more in line with one of the overriding metaphors (The Queen of Hearts) in Alice in Wonderland.

Cliché: BIG, SCARY GUY IN PRISON EVENTUALLY BECOMES A TEDDY BEAR

New Version: This, too, was real. However, instead of someone’s “standing up” to tough guys and then gaining respect, I’ve enhanced the Protagonist’s obliviousness. He simply keeps “doing his thing,” which disarms and entertains the other inmates. Eventually, they learn he really is what he seems to be.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S SOLVED CHARACTER PROBLEMS!

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED: I didn’t read ahead to this assignment, and basically did Assignments 1 and 2 at the same time—because my structure’s main problem was character related. Therefore, these two things went hand in hand. I can also see, however, if I had NOT had such bad structure problems, then this character list would have been helpful in other ways.

Basically, the characters I had already in place were not generic or weak or too good/bad, but I wasn’t USING them well enough. They were in action, but their actions were much more effective when the various layers that informed their actions were in better play—and when the character I really was missing finally had a much larger role. So… now so much better!

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS!

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED: In general, my use of the awesome structure evaluation process revealed two realities. The first is that yes, my first draft followed the pitch, and there weren’t holes from that standpoint. However, SHIT, I had been veering away from some hard realities based on the adaptation process (real people versus “characters”). So I knew there were some transformational journey problems, which by definition led to structure problems, conflict problems…and all of this impacted turning points. In the process, I also did some punching up of opening scene and the ending. But mostly? I had huge structure problems because I had not used well a key character, because I was worried about the real person.

Frankly, my Career Launch class / pitching process was KEY in helping me to identify all the dominoes of this process.

In the spirit of transparency, I simply couldn’t catch up to the class until I could “see what I was feeling”…and I didn’t put all the pieces together until Career class was rounding the bend. What a great experience.

BASIC LIST OF CHANGES:

REVISED CONCEPT: In this comedy feature, a mild-mannered paleontologist talks to his dinosaurs—and finds himself the target of an ambitious US Attorney on a mission to seize the most famous T. rex ever found.

THROUGHOUT:

Added the character I was avoiding throughout, beginning with opening scene. “Faith” is going to play the role of behind-the-scenes influencer, and also the person who both makes things much worse for the protagonist and later solves some of the problem she causes.

Her presence then impacted my protagonist’s intern. Earlier, I had this kid stealing fossils; now Faith does it. She has the life experience to understand what she’s done—and to take action. In a twist, we still think that the intern is at fault…until we don’t.

A huge transformational journey change has to do with the protagonist’s temperament. I realized that a lot of what I was doing to describe his internal and external states was insufficient. He’s now much less communicative / more traumatized to begin, and much more active and social at the end. This is reflected on each turning point, through a more finely tuned unveiling.

Another aspect is the way I was using magical realism. It was definitely in the script, and in the right spots, structure-wise. However, I was underutilizing the dinosaur character. Now, the purpose of the moments is better realized, and that “relationship” assists in all of those turning points, too.

Opening scene has more oomph, includes the beefed up Faith character—but most importantly, introduces immediately the magical elements of the protagonist’s ability to “be him.” His job is a paleontologist, but he’s special and he sees things in a unique way.

Likewise, the ending is clearer.

Hooray!

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN HAS FINISHED ACT 4!

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: As I got to the end, I see a cascade of things wrong. Things I have to set up earlier… even characters I never added during the outline phase, and whom I need now. Amazing… I think getting stuck in outlining might have been one of my problems before!

HOW’S IT GOING? Feeling “overly aware” of what’s wrong with this—and then I remember that it only has to be 30% quality. Thank goodness for that. Eek. But very exciting to have finished it! This is a project I’ve had on my radar for YEARS, and didn’t make time to do it. My mission in this class was to get it on the schedule. I can’t wait until it rocks.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN CONTINUES ACT 4

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: As I go through, transferring the scenes to the script, and then fleshing them out, I feel what’s missing. It really is a temptation to freak out or try to fix it. I’ve got many red notes in my working outline!

HOW’S IT GOING? If all I think about is the mission for this draft, then it’s going well. This really is an exercise in NOT thinking the way I’ve always been trained to think. Also, I really do believe that it’s easier to fix things in the outline stage, so I’m comparing the outline process against the script/scenes process, and realizing I can go back to the outline, fix “structure problems” there and then work them into the script. Interesting to consider “when to stop” the outline and write the first draft. A person could get stuck anywhere along the process and stay there.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN STARTING ACT 4

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: I’ve learned what I’m intimidated about. The idea of the ultimate conflict has a bit of charge for me (“Will I be able to deliver?”)… it’s also fun and exciting.

HOW’S IT GOING? I’m worried that in this draft the “Coen brothers-style” isn’t as evident as I’d like it to be, but the 30% rule is helping with that, too. This draft allows me to sketch out the PLOT, and to get people and events where they are supposed to be. I like this plan, as I don’t have to have “figured it all out” yet. This makes the process less daunting.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN FINISHING ACT 3

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: That things definitely percolate in the background. I’ll be doing something totally “else,” when I look up suddenly and realize, “oh, I can do THIS with that character.” Or even, “wait a minute… I can…” and a whole new concept stands there, looking at you.

HOW’S IT GOING? Going well. I have other work that I have to intersperse, so I don’t actually “get to write every day.” However, my brain is working all the time, so when I do sit down, things are generally smooth. I have a few gaps in the story, where I don’t know what to do—so I just marked them and kept going. Also, I think I’ll be quite long, and the script is not balanced re: act length—but I’m finding that the 30% mantra HAS SAVED ME from freaking out.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN CONTINUING ACT 3

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: That my relationship with speed is relative. I can in general “go fast,” but I find it’s “okay” to take a moment when I feel like taking a moment. What I’m learning is the difference between allowing something to flesh out on its own and “making it really good.” If it WANTS to, it can. If it’s NOT READY, then I keep moving.

HOW’S IT GOING? Still chugging along pretty well. Feeling as if Acts 2 and 3 are less fleshed out than Act 1, so that bothers me—but I’m trying not to think about it too much. After all, this is just 30%, right?

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN BEGAN ACT 3

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: That it really does WORK to choose speed over quality…at this stage to just get the bones down. I do this for writing other kinds of work—just create a draft to begin with. I don’t know why I thought I needed to make “perfect scenes” in a movie, but not in a book. Duh.

HOW’S IT GOING? The only thing that’s not “fast” is that some of my scenes are quite long. I don’t really “know what’s going to happen” until I start writing them, and as they flesh out, I just take whatever time it takes. However, even having said that, I wrote 16 pages of Act 3 today (along with finishing 2 scenes from Act 2 this morning). So I think I’m still going “fast,” just not 5-minutes-per-scene fast. A-okay!

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN COMPLETED ACT 2

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: That I’m starting to get less “afraid” of whether I can do this quickly. In our lessons about writer’s block or fear or whatever, I usually feel like that doesn’t apply to me—because I write for a living. I write on deadline and take notes all the time (documentaries, in the last few years, so very particular style, and different to this one). I also edit on demand for clients. But I have identified my own personal creative doubt (“maybe I can’t create something of my own”), even though I have before. As I’m doing this with Hal’s process, I’m owning my abilities more, and feeling more “in my own process.” NOT my technical process, but my organic, truly creative process. This is a huge thing. Not done, by any stretch, but coming into focus.

HOW’S IT GOING? What’s “going” is my personal empowerment. If someone had asked me what I might learn in this program, I would not have imagined that this would be my answer. I’ve been walking around feeling empowered in many ways for a long time—but holding this silent, secret fear. Who knew?

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN CONTINUING ACT 2

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: To modulate my feelings… that is, to just keep my head down and do the next thing; to avoid getting distracted; and to feel the fun feeling of creating.

HOW’S IT GOING? This is working pretty smoothly. I find that when I’m working, I am working fast…and that worrying about it is more distracting/slowing than the process of actually doing the work. I’ve noticed that some scenes were pretty “figured out” in the outline stage, and they go very quickly. Others were summaries of pretty elaborate things, and they obviously take more time. Re: the “timer” idea, those latter kinds of scenes don’t work with the timer, but that’s okay. Sketching them out doesn’t feel “boggy” or slow. They are just sketched out and I keep going. (I forgot to post this update. Have just finished Act II, so will post that assignment, too.)

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN BEGAN ACT 2

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: That setting a timer is a very weird experience, because TIME FLIES. I can’t tell if I’m writing long scenes or if I’m violating the rule (“not going fast enough”), but sometimes that timer really cuts me off. Obviously, it’s fine for a short scene. Makes me wonder if you’re not really supposed to flesh out dialog?? Maybe I’m writing too much dialog…but when asked to envision the scene, that’s what’s happening.

HOW’S IT GOING? I’m working fine when it comes to the outline translating to the page…but I’m also aware that my Act 1 is fat and the other acts are skinny. It’s hard for me not to stop and look at how to FIX IT, and instead to keep going! And I’m successfully keeping going. Also, re: speed: I think the timer could be helpful, but I’m not worried too much about sticking to it—because I’m not “stuck” and all is well so far. Still going at a good clip and not going backward and messing with things. Also leaving myself notes for later.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S FINISHED ACT 1

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: I can allow myself to write at a 30% level. I don’t have to make everything just right. I can have setups without payoffs. I can worry later about supporting characters (“who should say THIS?”). Very challenging…and also freeing.

HOW’S IT GOING? Some days I’m totally on it (writing many more than 6-10 pages), and other days I have no energy for it at all. This is due also to pressing obligations, which have caused me to become a bit behind schedule. But I feel good about catching up. Just finished Act I and am on to Act II now.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S NEXT ACT 1 SCENES

VISION: I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: It’s hard to break old habits. I totally get “writing in drafts,” and I don’t mind not having all the answers, but I do have a habit of “just fixing this one thing” before moving on. Now I’m asking myself, “how long will it take?” or “how important is this?”—because I found myself noticing that I’d lost an hour. Or two. Now, I’m leaving myself notes in my outline to answer questions later.

HOW’S IT GOING? I’m not “stalling out,” but I find that it’s easier to get distracted from “my work” than work I do for money. That is, if I block out X hours for someone else, I feel totally able to ignore what anyone else wants or needs during that time. But if someone reaches out to me while I’m writing for myself, I feel obligated to answer. TODAY I CHANGED THAT. I said NO and kept working.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S ACT 1 FIRST DRAFT PART 1

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: It’s interesting to go fast… and not worry about unanswered questions. I felt kind of like a naughty kid writing “???” or something when I hadn’t worked out a question, or a secondary character’s role in a certain area. But it is fun… I like not having the pressure of “figuring it all out” at this point. It’s almost like the summaries in the outline “are scenes” already. Except, one thing I learned is that when I go quickly and just write down their beginning, middle, and end, I’m not doing transitions or writing great dialog or anything. Sometimes, something good pops out (“Oh, this guy should be Scandinavian, and have an accent!”), but I don’t have to do anything but make that note.

So far, I haven’t stalled out. Sometimes I take a little walk around the house, but this is feeling FUN. I’m not dreading it, or worried. In fact, I can’t wait to finish my work-work so that I can get back to it. Hooray!

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S HIGH-SPEED WRITING RULES

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: It’s easy to get drawn into “correcting everything.” It was kind of fun to say, “no, you don’t have to know THAT bit of detail at this stage; keep moving.” I learned that it’s rather freeing to just keep moving.

HOW THE PROCESS WENT: I understand the concept of writing in drafts, and this REALLY WORKED in the outline process, so I’m all in. However, it still is easy to go down rabbit holes of “what would this character do?” Or “what if…?” So it was helpful to move forward WITHOUT ANSWERS, and to KEEP MOVING. In these exercises, I don’t have anything big to assign to my creative mind—but I do have a couple of outline entries to complete, later in the script. So those are definitely assigned, and I assume I’ll wake up with the answers.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S FIRST SCENE

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: I already know how scene architecture works, so what I learned in this particular process is the difference between the “outline version” of the scene description and the “draft” of the scene itself. My feedback has been that the genre of the story was not evident in my outline—which I assumed (hoped?) had to do with tone and approach. That is, it’s meant to be a Coen-brothers’ style comedy, which could “read” as serious or dark in outline form. (Consider the plot of Fargo, for example.) In the writing of the actual scene, however, the story’s personality is coming through!

HOW THE PROCESS WENT: I have been diligent in not “working ahead” on any of the assignments—not writing any scenes, etc. So my “feeling” or “sense” of the story has been in my bones. It was fun to have the characters begin talking. Also, while I did stick to my outline, I also realized that the movement of the characters was not fully lined out in the outline. So there was some freedom in how I could describe what was happening. It was fun!

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S FASCINATING SCENE OUTLINES

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: At first, I really wasn’t “grokking” how dividing the scene would help me to attach the Interest Techniques. Once that started to make sense, it took me a while to see how to rethink a scene to include a technique I hadn’t already integrated. Finally, the purpose of this plan started clicking—and I automatically began to make better scene decisions.

ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE

1. EXT. BADLANDS CLIFF FACE – DAY

Beginning: (Interesting Setting / Intrigue) Pete and X are precariously balanced on the side of a cliff, chipping out a fossil.

Middle: (Dilemma) Both Pete and the rock nearly tumble a hundred feet down.

End: (Surprise) X catches him.

2. EXT. LANDOWNER’S HOUSE – DAY

Beginning: (Interesting setting) Pete and X are riding in one raggedy pickup—with the fossil in the back—but they are now in a caravan of similar trucks.

Middle: (Suspense) They stop at a cranky Scandinavian landowner’s house; Pete thanks him for letting them “prospect.”

Ending: (Uncertainty) The landowner is new at this, and uncertain. Pete shows his familiarity with the cultural landscape and negotiates a fair price for the unprepared fossil.

3. EXT. LONELY PRAIRIE ROAD / SMALL GAS STATION – CARAVAN – DAY

Beginning: Pete’s gang pull in to fuel up. (Internal dilemma) Pete brushes off the question about a “warning” that they are being investigated.

Middle: As they get organized, (Uncomfortable moment / suspense / superior position) SLICK WILLY drives past, going back the way they just came from. No one notices him, but he sure sees them.

Ending: When done fueling, the gang loads up the kids and drives off. (Surprise) They’re down the road before we see one last kid emerge from the bathroom…he sighs and sits down to wait.

4. EXT. LONELY ROAD – DAY

Beginning: (Suspense) Pete’s passenger (X?) notices in the rear-view that a vehicle behind them has pulled over.

Middle: Pete expertly backs up and hops out to help… but (mislead / reveal) gets DISTRACTED by rocks in the side cut… He hollers for a particular kid, who specializes in these rocks.

Ending: (superior position) Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.

5. EXT. COUNTRY ROADS / LANDOWNER’S HOUSE – DAY

Beginning: (Suspense / uncomfortable moment) Slick Willy gets lost several times before he arrives at the landowner’s house…

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) SW announces who he is and that he’s here to talk about Pete.

Ending: (Uncertainty / uncomfortable moment) Landowner is again hesitant; South Dakotans keep to themselves and he smells a fish.

6. EXT./INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Beginning: (Interesting setting) The caravan arrives back at the hodge-podge headquarters (can THIS be a world-class scientific operation?), and tired people bail out.

Middle: They carefully carry their treasures into the ramshackle building. (Character changes radically) X places some items surreptitiously.

Ending: (Surprise) We see JUNE, the best T. rex ever, still only partially prepared, in this very modest setting.

7. EXT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS / MAIN STREET – DAY

Beginning: (Suspense) In a town celebration, maybe a third of the 900 residents are present, along with some press [including THE JOURNALIST] and one TV camera. Something is UP.

Middle: Pete is natural in the spotlight as he dedicates June to be a permanent fixture in the museum—and announces that (surprise) NASA is coming to pick up her skull to scan for scientific research purposes.

Ending: Everyone claps—(Major twist) except a couple of shady suits in the back.

8. EXT./INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS / ALLEY / PETE’S TRAILER – DAY

Beginning: (Major twist / mystery) It’s first thing in the morning and the whole place is surrounded by FBI and cops…

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Pete, whose trailer is next-door, doesn’t notice the FBI agents stringing DO NOT CROSS tape everywhere. One of his staff interrupts him, and says that June is being seized!

Ending: Chaos ensues! Pete calls his lawyer, Bronc, (surprise) who arrives like a superhero. Everything stops.

9. EXT. PARKING LOT NEARBY – DAY

Beginning: (Intrigue) Slick Willy—wearing pancake makeup—holds a press conference. (Uncomfortable moment) JOURNALIST, looking uncomfortable, is in attendance.

Middle: (Intrigue) It becomes obvious that this whole thing has been orchestrated.

Ending: (Intrigue) SW makes claims that the fossil is “in danger” because Pete’s team sell fossils—and nixes June’s trip to NASA.

10. INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – PREPARATION LABS – DAY

Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) The FBI have arrived woefully unprepared to seize an entire T. rex. They and their minions are breaking things and screwing up—

Middle: so (Internal dilemma) Pete violates their demands and instructs his team to HELP them. He basically starts managing the seizure, as if it were a fossil dig.

Ending: It’s now after school, and neighbors and school kids start asking if they can help.

11. EXT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – ALLEY – DAY

Beginning: By the next day, the (major twist) now-collaborating team (fossil guys and FBI) have done plenty, but there is more to do.

Middle: Slick Willy returns, this time (surprise) LEADING THE NATIONAL GUARD with huge trucks and forklifts. School children come out in droves to protest, which totally throws him off guard.

Ending: Meanwhile, when THE JOURNALIST asks for comment, Bronc starts quoting the law—(suspense) it’s illegal to use the National Guard against the citizenry.

12. INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Beginning: Pete is working near June’s skull. He stops and puts his hand on her nose, closes his eyes—and the noise around him recedes.

Middle: (Surprise) He hears a voice, “you can do it.” His eyes pop open. He sees that a little girl has sneaked in through a side door, (major twist) but her eyes are wide open, too.

Ending: Peeking in behind her is THE JOURNALIST and a TV reporter, who calls out to Pete for a comment. (Major twist) Without thinking, he announces on TV that he’ll sue the government for the return of his property.

13. INT. NONDESCRIPT OFFICE HALLWAY – DAY

Beginning: Slick Willy is peeking in the doorway of an office.

Middle: We don’t see who he’s talking to,

Ending: (Surprise / major twist) but he is urgently asking for help—from someone with authority.

ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

14. MONTAGE: PETE GETS INTERVIEWED

Pete’s office has become a PR center, with staffers photocopying articles and fielding phone calls. Newspapers from around the world are stacked everywhere, with the story on the front page. Pete is pulled from interview to interview—although he keeps trying to get back to work—and keeps BLURTING OUT his truth. The public love the underdog.

15. INT. SLICK WILLY’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY

Beginning: Slick Willy is working with staff, including his #2 attorney.

Middle: Slick Willy at first tries to keep cool, but then (uncomfortable moment) admits he didn’t realize the scope of the material he’s confiscating, and how to manage it.

Ending: Behind closed doors, (uncomfortable moment) he loses his shit and then confesses to #2 that he acted too rashly. (Internal dilemma) #2 agrees to help steer and organize.

16. INT. BRONC’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY

Beginning: Bronc, cool as a cucumber, directs his staff; files motions.

Middle: He’s objecting to the use of the National Guard on legal grounds. He’s petitioning to stop the process for June’s safety and for science. He’s asking that she can go to NASA while under the protection of the US. He’s a ninja—

Ending: (Surprise / uncomfortable moment) but he also admits to his team that none of this will work; the judge is also on a mission.

17. INT. SLICK WILLY’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – NIGHT

Beginning: Slick Willy, exhausted, (uncomfortable moment) ORDERS his overwrought staff to hire MORE “EXPERTS”—land management agents, scientists, etc.

DISSOLVE TO:

Middle: Same office the next morning… when several of these people (uncomfortable moment) arrive to find Slick Willy asleep on a desk.

Ending: In the ensuing meeting, he’s frantic. (Uncomfortable moment) Instructs them to (internal dilemma) start spreading fake news that “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” They tell the prosecution team that they know Pete; he’s a little oblivious, but it’s unlikely he guilty of this level of corruption.

18. INT. PETE’S TRAILER / EXT. ALLEY – DAY

Beginning: That same morning, Pete is reading newspapers.

Middle: He picks up the old rotary phone and dials his old pal, Charlie. She works at NBC in California. He asks, naïvely, (misinterpretation) if she knows Tom Brokaw. After all, they both work at NBC, and they’re both from South Dakota. Instead, she says she’ll come out and see if she can help.

Ending: When he hangs up, he walks out to the alley where the National Guard truck is being loaded with June’s skull. (Surprise) He lays down in front of the truck; the JOURNALIST takes his picture.

19. EXT. PARKING LOT NEARBY – DAY

Beginning: (Interesting setting) As Pete’s kids pull him out from in front of the huge truck tires, and June’s trucks begin to pull out, Slick Willy again speaks to the press—including JOURNALIST.

Middle: Despite his #2 just saying (internal dilemma) he doesn’t think there’s a strong case (trying to save boss from himself),

Ending: Slick Willy hints that (major twist) a large investigation is underway—June is just the tip of the iceberg.

20. INT. DUSTY PREPARATION LAB – NIGHT

Beginning: Bronc at a table covered with papers; (interesting setting) Pete’s carefully supergluing together a 3D puzzle of bone fragments.

Middle: Bronc “frames” the situation: (uncomfortable moment) Slick Willy is telling the public that he’s “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder.”

Ending: To successfully fight this claim, Bronc says Pete has to be squeaky clean. (uncomfortable moment / internal dilemma) So he asks: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?

21. INT. INDIANA JONES-STYLE WAREHOUSE OF FOSSILS – DAY

Beginning: (Interesting setting) Pete is climbing around on some shelves, digging through boxes.

Middle: CHARLIE (journalist pal) arrives, straight from the airport. (Surprise) Without preamble, Pete draws her into his “self-investigation” process—

Ending: and then (betrayal / uncomfortable moment / secret / internal dilemma) finds proof that his colleague (X, from the cliff face) “used” him to break the law.

22. EXT. COURTHOUSE – DAY

Beginning: With great pomp and circumstance, (major twist) Slick Willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case against Pete and several of his staff—doesn’t just file it; calls another press conference. JOURNALIST front and center.

Middle: The filing is ridiculous in its scope and overreach, and

Ending: (uncomfortable moment) SW admits to #2 (internal dilemma) that he just hopes something sticks.

23. EXT. FOSSIL SITE – DAY

Beginning: (Interesting setting) Pete is “prospecting” when Bronc arrives with the news.

Middle: Pete breaks down. Bronc puts it all in perspective: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.” (Internal dilemma) The two guys argue about whether to trust Charlie; Bronc warns against too much revelation.

Ending: In camp that night, (surprise / major twist) Pete [HAS A DREAM? HEARS A VOICE?] and discovers his inner hero.

ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR

24. INT. BRONC’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY

Beginning: Pete and Bronc lay out a plan to investigate every count.

Middle: Agree to send out teams, including Charlie.

Ending: Finally, (uncomfortable moment / internal dilemma) Pete reveals to Bronc that X has been doing illegal stuff. (Intrigue / suspense) They agree not to fire her until they can prove that Pete didn’t know.

25. INT. SLICK WILLY’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY

Beginning: (Internal dilemma) #2 helps Slick Willy send all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified in the indictment.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Without saying it outright, SW suggests that they stretch the truth if needed—

Ending: because, he admits, (uncomfortable moment) Pete is better at his job than the academic experts.

26. EXT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS / ALLEY – DAY

Beginning: Pete’s team assembles to set out to the various sites.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment / suspense) Someone has to stay behind and look at historical documents…and Pete realizes that X (who still works on his team) has friends here. Not sure whom to trust.

Ending: (Intrigue) He brings X with him—and climbs in a vehicle. Charlie is driving; Bronc in the back seat with X.

27. INT. COURTROOM – DAY

Beginning: (Major twist) Judge severs the fossil June from the larger case, saying that its circumstances were different.

Middle: Makes a specific ruling about the land, takes custody, and (major twist) orders June to be auctioned!

Ending: Pete’s co-defendants are afraid that this does not bode well; (major twist) they start fighting—and Slick Willy thinks his ship has come in.

28. INT. PETE’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Beginning: (Surprise) Pete arrives home to find a medicine man in his house—who tells him it’s dangerous to disturb fossils, and that all his troubles are related to a “curse” of the ancient creatures.

Middle: On the other hand, he says that June knows Pete is “her person.” [MAYBE (major twist) the “magic” is revealed: that the “voice” is June’s.]

Ending: Phone rings: Bronc asks for a meeting.

29. EXT. JUNE’S STORAGE FACILITY – NIGHT

Beginning: (Mystery) Pete visits June, asking for advice through the window.

Middle: She tells him to stand strong for the team, and (surprise) be willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong.

Ending: Bronc pulls up, shaking his head (about the location)—and tells him his (major twist) great idea about a plea bargain.

30. INT. BRONC’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: All co-defendants have gathered;

Middle: (Major twist) Bronc says an amazing plea bargain has been accepted by Slick Willy, in which no one gets felonies or jail time; company pleads to a misdemeanor of being in the wrong place once.

Ending: The caveat: (suspense / uncertainty) everyone has to keep it to himself—any announcement will jeopardize the deal until tomorrow. It just has to be approved by the judge.

31. INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Beginning: Next morning, everyone is happy until…they see the (betrayal) plea bargain detailed in the newspaper—front page.

Middle: Judge goes ballistic. (Uncomfortable moment) Despite Bronc’s claims to the contrary, judge blames Pete for grandstanding (by leaking) and rejects the deal.

Ending: (Mystery / major twist) No one has any idea who leaked! Charlie has no luck with the journalist, who tearfully won’t give up his source.

ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)

32. INT. COURTROOM – DAY

Beginning: We see the process in motion.

Middle: (Uncertainty) During jury selection, Bronc lobbies for a cute blonde woman, saying that “she’ll love me.” Other lawyers are not so sure.

Ending: (Intrigue) When asked if she knows anyone in the courtroom, she says no.

33. EXT. CITY – DAY

Beginning: (Intrigue) Charlie follows X through the larger town where the courthouse is.

Middle: (Intrigue / betrayal) Charlie sees X meet and shake hands with Slick Willy. They go inside SW’s office.

Ending: (Superior position) RIGHT BEHIND Charlie, the “cute juror” picks up the judge outside the courthouse, who puts his golf clubs in the trunk of her car. Charlie doesn’t see this.

Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …part montage / there are several funny “factual moments” that are not relevant for this level of outline.

34. MONTAGE / INT. COURTROOM

Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes.

DEEPER REVEAL: The colleague who broke the law is given immunity, but doesn’t say anything damning about Pete. Because there isn’t any. Big disappointment to Slick Willy.

Pete, by bringing everyone together (being a real leader) scores good points—although it also becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error. Nothing serious. He also makes it clear that as the boss, he was responsible.

Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses. Bronc focuses on the “pretty lady” in the jury, knowing he can count on her falling for him.

The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.

35. EXT. COURTROOM – DAY

Beginning: (Major twist / surprise) Despite Pete’s being convicted on a few minor charges, Bronc marches out of the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth—people cheer in the street, and Slick Willy is beside himself.

Middle: Charlie, meanwhile, corners the jury and discovers that (surprise) Bronc’s “favorite juror” (the judge’s golf partner) was the single “guilty” verdict on many counts. (Surprise) They would have acquitted on everything.

Ending: Bronc tells the press that Pete’s frivolous, insignificant convictions amount to nothing more than probation.

36. EXT./INT. SANDWICH SHOP – DAY

Beginning: Bronc’s “favorite juror” pops in to order lunch at the counter.

Middle: (Major twist) Right across the street is the NEWSPAPER. The JOURNALIST crosses the street, and gets in line behind her.

Ending: They order lunch and chat while waiting for their orders to be prepared to go. (Intrigue) He asks “what’s new,” and she whispers to him.

37. INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY

(Surprise) Next morning, the newspaper headline is that Slick Willy has been fired.

TITLE: ONE YEAR LATER

38. EXT./INT. FEDERAL PRISON – DAY

Beginning: When Pete self-surrenders to start his sentence, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” (Major twist / betrayal) Pete’s been sentenced for 2 years!

DISSOLVE TO:

Middle: Short time later: (Surprise) Pete’s business colleagues line up to visit him—and make deals to keep his business going.

Ending: Meanwhile, he’s entertaining the other inmates by finding fossils in the prison yard. “Whatever you do, don’t pick them up!” he warns.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S SCENE REQUIREMENTS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: I saw how my “beats” sometimes melded together into one scene, which gave it structure. However, I think I have too many scenes for this exercise… surely will be much longer than the assignment to share unless I change it.

ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE

EXT. BADLANDS CLIFF FACE – DAY

Pete and X are precariously balanced on the side of a cliff, chipping out a fossil—and both Pete and the rock nearly tumble a hundred feet down. X catches him.

Scene arc: Looking for a fossil, find one, don’t drop it.

Essence: Pete is willing to do almost anything for his passion; but he needs his team.

Conflict: Will X be able to save Pete?

Subtext: Pete takes risks.

Hope/fear: We hope he succeeds.

EXT. LANDOWNER’S HOUSE – DAY

Pete and X are riding in one raggedy pickup—with the fossil in the back—but they are now in a caravan of similar trucks. They stop at the landowner’s house and Pete negotiates a price.

Scene arc: Fossil is safe, the negotiation is made, and the guys are heading home. Success.

Essence: There’s a synergy between fossil collectors and landowners.

Conflict: Will they come to an agreement on price?

Subtext: Pete is the expert.

Hope/fear: We hope he succeeds.

EXT. LONELY PRAIRIE ROAD / SMALL GAS STATION – CARAVAN – DAY

Pete’s gang pull in to fuel up. Pete brushes off the question about a “warning” that they are being investigated. As they get organized, SLICK WILLY drives past, going back the way they just came from. No one notices him, but he sure sees them. When done fueling, the gang loads up the kids and drives off. They’re down the road before we see one last kid emerge from the bathroom…he sighs and sits down to wait.

Scene arc: Pete avoids unpleasant discussion, but we soon realize that the rumor is true. And…these rather oblivious adults don’t count their children.

Essence: He’s a goofball, and the warning has no meaning in his worldview.

Conflict: Someone is after him. It’s Slick Willy.

Subtext: Pete is in denial / likes to remain oblivious of anything that isn’t fun.

Hope/fear: We’re worried.

EXT. LONELY ROAD – DAY

Pete’s passenger (X?) notices in the rear-view that a vehicle behind them has pulled over. Pete expertly backs up and hops out to help… but gets DISTRACTED by rocks in the side cut… He hollers for a particular kid, who specializes in these rocks. Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.

Scene arc: Team stays together, and inadvertently discovers that one of them is missing.

Essence: People are “in his head” in relation to fossils.

Conflict: He could be seen as ineffectual.

Subtext: Pete just ticks along until something happens; when he gets distracted, someone cleans up after him (picks up the kid).

Hope/fear: We worry about the kids.

EXT. LANDOWNER’S HOUSE – DAY

Slick Willy arrives at the landowner’s house…announces who he is and that he’s here to talk about Pete. Landowner is hesitant; South Dakotans keep to themselves.

Scene arc: Slick Willy arrives at his destination; we don’t know what the landowner might say, but he’s not welcoming.

Essence: Slick Willy definitely has a hidden agenda.

Conflict: He’s after Pete, and he might be in conflict with this landowner.

Subtext: Slick Willy thinks that his job is enough to intimidate anyone.

Hope/fear: We hope that the landowner remains distrustful.

EXT./INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY

The caravan arrives back at headquarters, and tired people bail out. They carefully carry their treasures into the rather ramshackle building. We see JUNE, the best T. rex ever, still only partially prepared, in this very modest setting.

Scene arc: People arrive back home, settle their new treasures in place.

Essence: We see the way the company works, and especially how deeply everyone loves the place—and especially their favorite dinosaur, JUNE.

Conflict: Implied: is it all at risk?

Subtext: This innocent way of life might be over. Also, such an amazing life it is.

Hope/fear: We hope they’ll be okay.

EXT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS / MAIN STREET – DAY

In a town celebration, maybe a third of the 900 residents are present, along with some press [including THE JOURNALIST] and one TV camera. Pete is natural in the spotlight as he dedicates June to be a permanent fixture in the museum—and announces that NASA is coming to pick up her skull to scan for scientific research purposes. Everyone claps—except a couple of shady suits in the back.

Scene arc: It’s a grand celebration, with important international announcements—until we see the suits.

Essence: This ragtag, small-town group are really “somebody.” Somebody in danger.

Conflict: Who are those suits?

Subtext: Did our naïve guys really do something wrong? What’s going on here?

Hope/fear: We hope they’ll be okay.

EXT./INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS / ALLEY / PETE’S TRAILER – DAY

It’s first thing in the morning and the whole place is surrounded… Pete, whose trailer is next-door, doesn’t notice the FBI agents stringing DO NOT CROSS tape everywhere. One of his staff interrupts him, and says that June is being seized! Chaos ensues! Pete calls his lawyer, Bronc, who arrives like a superhero. Everything stops.

Scene arc: Pete’s having a normal morning—until the worst news of his life is delivered. Bronc brings some hope.

Essence: It’s everyone’s nightmare.

Conflict: Pete’s not sure who his enemy really is, and why.

Subtext: No matter what he WANTS his life to be, this is happening.

Hope/fear: We want Bronc to save him.

EXT. PARKING LOT NEARBY – DAY

Slick Willy—wearing pancake makeup—holds a press conference. JOURNALIST is in attendance. It becomes obvious that this whole thing has been orchestrated. He makes claims that the fossil is “in danger” because Pete’s team sell fossils—and nixes June’s trip to NASA.

Scene arc: The chaos melds into an intentional act.

Essence: We feel that there’s an agenda here, but we don’t know what it is.

Conflict: Obviously, Slick Willy is picking a fight.

Subtext: Even so, Slick Willy is out of his element and too arrogant to realize how many mistakes he’s making.

Hope/fear: We hope he’ll screw up royally.

INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – PREPARATION LABS – DAY

The FBI have arrived woefully unprepared to seize an entire T. rex. They and their minions are breaking things and screwing up—so Pete violates their demands and instructs his team to HELP them. He basically starts managing the seizure, as if it were a fossil dig. It’s now after school, and neighbors and school kids start asking if they can help.

Scene arc: Pete’s team is demoralized and angry—and then becomes galvanized to do the right thing.

Essence: They show their expertise, and their moral fiber.

Conflict: Both sides don’t trust the other.

Subtext: Slick Willy has been made a fool by not knowing what was required.

Hope/fear: We want the government to fail.

EXT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – ALLEY – DAY

By the next day, the now-collaborating team (fossil guys and FBI) have done plenty, but there is more to do. Slick Willy returns, this time LEADING THE NATIONAL GUARD with huge trucks and forklifts. School children come out in droves to protest, which totally throws him off guard. Meanwhile, when THE JOURNALIST asks for comment, Bronc starts quoting the law—it’s illegal to use the National Guard against the citizenry.

Scene arc: The team has gotten into a rhythm with the FBI and their minions—and then Slick Willy ups the ante AGAIN. Bronc comes out swinging.

Essence: Slick Willy is going to fight dirty if necessary.

Conflict: He’s using his job title to break the law.

Subtext: He realizes he’s over his head and is just flinging wildly.

Hope/fear: We’re worried that the good guys will get squashed in the process.

INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Pete is working near June’s skull. He stops and puts his hand on her nose, closes his eyes—and the noise around him recedes. He hears a voice, “you can do it.” His eyes pop open. He sees that a little girl has sneaked in through a side door, but her eyes are wide open, too. Peeking in behind her is THE JOURNALIST and a TV reporter, who calls out to Pete for a comment. Without thinking, he announces on TV that he’ll sue the government for the return of his property.

Scene arc: Pete is downtrodden, connects with June. Then, either she or the little girl says something that galvanizes him. Instinctively, he doubles down.

Essence: Something bigger than Pete is at work here.

Conflict: Who or what is driving him?

Subtext: He’s “got it in him,” even if it’s hard to be brave.

Hope/fear: We want Pete to win.

INT. NONDESCRIPT OFFICE HALLWAY – DAY

Slick Willy is peeking in the doorway of an office. We don’t see who he’s talking to, but he is urgently asking for help—from someone with authority.

Scene arc: Slick Willy asks for help.

Essence: He’s not working alone.

Conflict: We’re not sure who the players are.

Subtext: He’s afraid he’s made a mistake. Or two hundred.

Hope/fear: We hope he gets slammed.

ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

MONTAGE: PETE GETS INTERVIEWED

Pete’s office has become a PR center, with staffers photocopying articles and fielding phone calls. Newspapers from around the world are stacked everywhere, with the story on the front page. Pete is pulled from interview to interview—although he keeps trying to get back to work—and keeps BLURTING OUT his truth. The public love the underdog.

Scene arc: The office has adapted to this weird situation, and Pete has his game face on.

Essence: Pete can do this.

Conflict: He will fight to the death.

Subtext: He can no longer avoid unpleasant topics just because he doesn’t like them.

Hope/fear: We are rooting for him.

INT. SLICK WILLY’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY

Slick Willy is working with staff, including his #2 attorney. Slick Willy at first tries to keep cool, but then admits he didn’t realize the scope of the material he’s confiscating, and how to manage it. Behind closed doors, he loses his shit and then confesses to #2 that he acted too rashly. #2 helps to steer and organize.

Scene arc: Calm Slick Willy becomes frantic, angry Slick Willy who needs #2 to steer.

Essence: Slick Willy is unprepared.

Conflict: He looks like an idiot in front of his staff.

Subtext: He’s screwing up his big opportunity.

Hope/fear: We hope he tanks it.

INT. BRONC’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY

Bronc, cool as a cucumber, directs his staff; files motions. He’s objecting to the use of the National Guard on legal grounds. He’s petitioning to stop the process for June’s safety and for science. He’s asking that she can go to NASA while under the protection of the US. He’s a ninja.

Scene arc: Bronc is tactical, targeted, in control. By the end of the scene, he’s done his list.

Essence: Bronc is taking charge.

Conflict: He’s battling a corrupt system that is making spiteful decisions.

Subtext: He wants to win; he wants to win, win, win.

Hope/fear: We hope he does.

INT. SLICK WILLY’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – NIGHT

Slick Willy, exhausted, ORDERS his overwrought staff to hire MORE “EXPERTS”—land management agents, scientists, etc.

DISSOLVE TO:

Same office the next morning… when several of these people arrive to find Slick Willy asleep on a desk. In the ensuing meeting, he’s frantic. Instructs them to start spreading fake news that “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” They tell the prosecution team that they know Pete; he’s a little oblivious, but it’s unlikely he guilty of this level of corruption.

Scene arc: Slick Willy is deteriorating, getting more and more desperate.

Essence: He’s losing perspective.

Conflict: His conflict has become personal, even though he’s fighting shadows.

Subtext: He’s desperate for the gold at the end of this rainbow.

Hope/fear: We want him to lose.

INT. PETE’S TRAILER / EXT. ALLEY – DAY

That same morning, Pete is reading newspapers. He picks up the old rotary phone and dials his old pal, Charlie. She works at NBC in California. He asks, naïvely, if she knows Tom Brokaw. After all, they both work at NBC, and they’re both from South Dakota. She says she’ll come out and see if she can help. When he hangs up, he walks out to the alley where the National Guard truck is being loaded with June’s skull. He lays down in front of the truck; the JOURNALIST takes his picture.

Scene arc: Pete starts the day looking for reinforcements—and then does the only thing left he can do, a lonely expression of protest.

Essence: He will do whatever it takes.

Conflict: Will anything he does matter?

Subtext: He’s been told he’s not good enough; he needs to know he can make a difference.

Hope/fear: We hope he can avoid giving up.

EXT. PARKING LOT NEARBY – DAY

As Pete’s kids pull him out from in front of the huge truck tires, and June’s trucks begin to pull out, Slick Willy again speaks to the press, including JOURNALIST. Despite his #2 just saying he doesn’t think there’s a strong case, Slick Willy hints that a large investigation is underway—June is just the tip of the iceberg.

Scene arc: Pete is about to give up, and Slick Willy tries to kick him while he’s (literally) down.

Essence: Slick Willy is trying to get the upper hand.

Conflict: He’s still fighting.

Subtext: He has to use whatever tactics he can. Pete is popular, so SW has to be underhanded.

Hope/fear: We’re worried that he’ll suck the life out of Pete.

INT. DUSTY PREPARATION LAB – NIGHT

Bronc at a table covered with papers; Pete’s carefully supergluing together a 3D puzzle of bone fragments. Bronc “frames” the situation: Slick Willy is telling the public that he’s “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder.” To successfully fight this claim, Bronc says Pete has to be squeaky clean. So he asks: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?

Scene arc: They are comfortable together…until Bronc assesses the damage.

Essence: Assessing the damage.

Conflict: Will this cause Pete to be upset?

Subtext: Bronc will believe Pete and manage whatever, but Pete begins to doubt his own easy-going process.

Hope/fear: We hope he says no.

INT. INDIANA JONES-STYLE WAREHOUSE OF FOSSILS – DAY

Pete is climbing around on some shelves, digging through boxes. CHARLIE (journalist pal) arrives, straight from the airport. Without preamble, Pete draws her into his “self-investigation” process—and then finds proof that his colleague “used” him to break the law.

Scene arc: Pete is stressed, searching, and then pours his heart out

Essence: Looking for evidence of being good

Conflict: Afraid he will find damning evidence

Subtext: What if he hasn’t steered the ship well enough? What if they were in the wrong place?

Hope/fear: Hope not to find bad stuff; fear that he will.

EXT. COURTHOUSE – DAY

With great pomp and circumstance, Slick Willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case—doesn’t just file it; calls a press conference. JOURNALIST front and center. The filing is ridiculous in its scope and overreach, and SW admits to #2 that he just hopes something sticks.

Scene arc: Press waiting with anticipation, SW makes the announcement, confesses privately

Essence: He’s going for it, even if he knows it’s weak

Conflict: Poking the bear

Subtext: He’s desperate

Hope/fear: We hope he fails

EXT. FOSSIL SITE – DAY

Pete is “prospecting” when Bronc arrives with the news. Pete breaks down. Bronc puts it all in perspective: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.” The two guys argue about whether to trust Charlie; Bronc warns against too much revelation. In camp that night, Pete [HAS A DREAM? HEARS A VOICE?] and discovers his inner hero.

Scene arc: Pete distracting himself, hears terrible news, lawyer helps with perspective, Pete turns a corner

Essence: Looking at reality and squaring shoulders

Conflict: He takes SW’s challenge

Subtext: He’s got what it takes

Hope/fear: We’re cheering for him

ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR

INT. BRONC’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY

Pete and Bronc lay out a plan to investigate every count. Agree to send out teams, including Charlie.

Scene arc: Pete needs guidance, Bronc and he team up, make a plan

Essence: Taking control

Conflict: Everything is in jeopardy

Subtext: They can do it if they marshal their resources

Hope/fear; We’re cheering for them

INT. SLICK WILLY’S OFFICE – “WAR ROOM” – DAY

#2 helps Slick Willy send all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified in the indictment. Without saying it outright, SW suggests that they stretch the truth if needed—because, he admits, Pete is better at his job than the academic experts.

Scene arc: SW is trepidatious, so #2 helps steer, they make a plan, SW knows it’s weak

Essence: Putting best foot forward, even if it’s a lie

Conflict: Risks backlash of team

Subtext: He’s desperate; and his team is out of shape and clumsy

Hope/fear: We hope he loses

EXT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS / ALLEY – DAY

Pete’s team assembles to set out to the various sites. Someone has to stay behind and look at historical documents…and Pete realizes that the “bad colleague” has friends here. He’s not sure who to trust—and climbs in a vehicle. Charlie is driving; lawyers in the back seat.

Scene arc: Pete unsure of self and others, knows his own strengths (field), makes a decision to move

Essence: Get on with it.

Conflict: Might have moles in the office?

Subtext: Imposter syndrome: maybe he doesn’t have what it takes to lead this industry. Plus… ethics!

Hope/fear: We are rooting for him

INT. COURTROOM – DAY

Judge severs the fossil June from the larger case, saying that its circumstances were different. Makes a specific ruling about the land, takes custody, and orders June to be auctioned! Pete’s co-defendants are afraid that this does not bode well; they split off and get their own lawyers—and Slick Willy thinks his ship has come in.

Scene arc: Judge changes the game, June gone forever, team breaks up & SW rejoices

Essence: It’s getting real

Conflict: We have a new player in the fight

Subtext: The judge holds all the cards

Hope/fear: We are afraid for Pete

INT. PETE’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Pete arrives home to find a medicine man in his house—who tells him it’s dangerous to disturb fossils, and that all his troubles are related to a “curse” of the ancient creatures. On the other hand, he says that June knows Pete is “her person.” [MAYBE the “magic” is revealed: that the “voice” is June’s.] Phone rings: Bronc asks for a meeting.

Scene arc: Dude appears from nowhere, talks about magic, this feels right to the scientist

Essence: Pete is not just a scientist; he’s in tune

Conflict: Maybe there is someone else on his side (or…against him?)

Subtext: He is truly meant for this job / calling / hero

Hope/fear: We have hope that he’ll be okay

EXT. JUNE’S STORAGE FACILITY – NIGHT

Pete visits June, asking for advice through the window. She tells him to stand strong for the team, and be willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong. Bronc pulls up, shaking his head (about the location)—and tells him his great idea about a plea bargain.

Scene arc: Pete goes from the medicine man to June, talks to her—then Bronc offers a way out

Essence: All three are connected

Conflict: They might be pulled apart

Subtext: He has to follow his gut

Hope/fear: We’re rooting for him.

INT. BRONC’S OFFICE – DAY

All co-defendants have gathered; Bronc says an amazing plea bargain has been accepted by Slick Willy. Everyone has to keep it to himself—any announcement will jeopardize it. It just has to be approved by the judge.

INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Next morning, everyone is happy until…they see the plea bargain detailed in the newspaper—front page. Judge goes ballistic. Blames Pete for grandstanding and rejects it. No one has any idea who leaked! Charlie has no luck with the journalist.

Scene arc: From high to the lowest, and we don’t know who did it

Essence: That was the last chance

Conflict: Don’t know who tanked the deal

Subtext: Can’t trust anyone

Hope/fear: Afraid!

ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)

INT. COURTROOM – DAY

We see the process in motion. During jury selection, Bronc lobbies for a cute blonde woman, saying that “she’ll love me.”

EXT. CITY – DAY

Charlie follows the “bad colleague,” who has returned for the trial. Charlie sees her meet and shake hands with Slick Willy. They go inside SW’s office. RIGHT BEHIND Charlie, the “cute juror” picks up the judge outside the courthouse, who puts his golf clubs in the trunk of her car. Charlie doesn’t see this.

Scene arc: Charlie seeing some of the machinations, but not all

Essence: They don’t know who is working against them

Conflict: Not sure who the players are

Subtext: Charlie is on Pete’s side

Hope/fear: We hope Charlie can help

Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …

INT. COURTROOM

Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes.

DEEPER REVEAL: The colleague who broke the law is given immunity, but doesn’t say anything damning about Pete. Because there isn’t any. Big disappointment to Slick Willy.

Pete, by bringing everyone together (being a real leader) scores good points—although it also becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error. Nothing serious. He also makes it clear that as the boss, he was responsible.

Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses. Bronc focuses on the “pretty lady” in the jury, knowing he can count on her falling for him.

The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.

EXT. COURTROOM – DAY

Despite Pete’s being convicted on a few minor charges, Bronc marches out of the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth—people cheer in the street, and Slick Willy is beside himself. Charlie, meanwhile, corners the jury and discovers that Bronc’s “favorite juror” (the judge’s golf partner) was the single “guilty” verdict on many counts. They would have acquitted on everything. Bronc tells the press that Pete should get probation with the insignificant convictions.

Scene arc: Pete is convicted, but Bronc makes it look like a win; Charlie finds out the truth of why

Essence: Pete mostly won—but also lost

Conflict: It wasn’t a fair fight

Subtext: Pete is vindicated, but his test isn’t over

Hope/fear: We hope for a light sentence

EXT./INT. SANDWICH SHOP – DAY

The “favorite juror” pops in to order lunch at the counter. Right across the street is the NEWSPAPER. The JOURNALIST crosses the street, and gets in line behind her. They order lunch and wait while it’s being prepared to go. He asks “what’s new,” and she whispers to him.

INT. DINOSAUR HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Next morning, the headline is that Slick Willy has been fired.

Scene arc: There’s a connection between the juror and journalist

Essence: She’s feeding him stories

Conflict: The system is flawed

Subtext: She leaked the plea bargain—which she obviously got from the judge

Hope/fear: Pete is screwed on sentencing

TITLE: ONE YEAR LATER

EXT./INT. FEDERAL PRISON – DAY

When Pete self-surrenders, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” He’s been sentenced for 2 years!

DISSOLVE TO:

Short time later: Pete’s business colleagues line up to visit him—and make deals to keep his business going. Meanwhile, he’s finding fossils in the prison yard.

Scene arc: Pete has been unfairly sentenced, he goes on with his work

Essence: He’s who he is always

Conflict: The judge can’t keep him down

Subtext: Maybe June is helping?

Hope/fear: We know he’ll be fine

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S INTRIGUING MOMENTS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: That there were some untapped opportunities in what I’d already laid in… and that sometimes I could make an entirely new beat from a rather bland concept.

ACT 1

Intrigue + Superior position + Covert Action — Slick Willy slides past Pete and his crew—on the way to visit the landowner they just left. Why is he doing that? Also, we know and Pete doesn’t.

Scheme + Mystery — Seizure of the fossil. What’s happening? Why?

Intrigue + (positive spin on) Scheme — When Bronc arrives to help Pete, he’s trying to sort out what happened, but also to keep his client from saying too much before he knows the scope of the situation.

Covert Agendas — Slick Willy stages the press conference AND when he arrives later with the National Guard AND when he secretly meets with the judge.

ACT 2

Covert Agenda + Scheme — Slick Willy freaks out behind closed doors and admits to his #2 that he’s out of his element. #2 agrees to help.

Scheme + Conspiracy + Cover up — Slick Willy and his agents agree to spread fake news, knowing that Pete is not guilty.

Scheme — Slick Willy announces that an investigation is underway.

Intrigue? Mystery? — Bronc assesses Pete’s actual culpability. It’s like they are conspiring, but not really… assessing, examining, investigating…

Secret — Charlie and Pete discover that one of his colleagues has committed a crime.

Covert Agenda + Scheme — Slick Willy’s indictments are part of his personal agenda to get promoted.

ACT 3

Scheme (positive version) — Bronc and Pete plan their defense.

Covert Agenda + Scheme + Conspiracy — Slick Willy sends his team out to investigate the fossil sites—and to lie if necessary.

Secret — Pete doesn’t know what to do with the information he has on his colleague.

Covert Agenda — Slick Willy is excited when the defendants freak out and splinter. He might win after all.

ACT 4

Scheme — Charlie follows the “bad colleague”—only to discover that (Conspiracy) she is meeting with Slick Willy!

Secret + (possible) Conspiracy — The judge and the “cute juror” go play golf.

Covert agenda (falling apart) — Slick Willy flails during trial.

Scheme — Bronc lays out the defense in a genius way during trial.

Covert agendas + Conspiracies — The judge’s rulings are part of his partnership with Slick Willy, as are his crazy sentence.

Covert Agenda — Slick Willy leaked the plea bargain.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S EMOTIONAL MOMENTS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: To critically evaluate the content I “automatically” placed, so as to more consciously craft it to do its best job.

ACT I

Courage + Love: Hanging off a cliff in order to rescue an amazing fossil – all for the love of what he does.

Surprise: Slick Willy goes to the landowner’s house, right after Pete leaves. He announces he’d like to discuss Pete.

Surprise & Distress: June the dinosaur is seized by the feds—and Pete’s heart is split open.

Moral Issue + Love + Sacrifice: Pete “crosses the line” and takes over the seizure in order to ensure that the fossil is packed safely. The love is his love for the dinosaur.

Betrayal: Although the Antagonist isn’t part of Pete’s team, we “trust” him to do the right thing; when we know he’s actually colluding, we feel distrust.

Surprise: Pete announces he’ll sue the government!

ACT 2

Bonding: As Pete speaks transparently to the news cameras, the public (and the town’s children) begin to fall in love with Pete.

More betrayal: When Slick Willy not only recognizes that Pete is innocent, but coerces agents to lie.

Excitement + Love: Pete lays down in front of Sue’s truck as it tries to take her away. The love is his love for the dinosaur.

Betrayal: As Pete and Charlie go through their internal “investigation,” Pete discovers that one of his team has been breaking the law.

Distress: The weight of the indictments threatens everything Pete has built.

Bonding: Pete breaks down / is transparent in front of Bronc. They bond as Bronc helps Pete really get clear about the case—and Bronc asks the hard questions. He also frames the case for everyone to understand.

Surprise: Pete has a dream that helps him discover his inner hero. Was that a DINOSAUR?

ACT 3

Bonding: Pete and Bronc lay out a plan to investigate every count.

Distress + Love + Betrayal: When June is ordered to be auctioned, “things get serious.” Several codefendants let fear overtake them and they run to higher ground.

Wound: The abandonment, along with knowing that his colleague has broken the law, causes Pete to question everything he’s worked for, his own abilities, and what’s important. He suffers from “imposter syndrome.”

Success + Love: When the medicine man says that June and Pete are soul mates (or whatever), Pete feels both love for her and vindication that he is not crazy or wrong. This feeling is continued when Pete visits June in her storage unit.

Excitement: When Bronc initiates the plea bargain conversation, the group imagines that the end is in sight.

Betrayal + Moral Issue: When we learn that the judge is actively against Pete, we feel betrayed. [Not sure if we are supposed to include the parts where we know something the characters don’t know; I assume so, because they are also emotional moments.]

ACT 4

Surprise + possible bonding? When Pete “escapes” for a while and goes fossil hunting, he has an unexpected and supernatural experience. Is someone out there helping him? Yes, he and June “break the case.”

Moral issue: Judge obviously not being neutral throughout the trial—outrageous!

Success/winning + Sacrifice + Moral Issue + Wound: Pete successfully wins the largest of the counts against him. He’s vindicated, both in the public eye and in his own mind re: “am I an imposter, not as smart as academics?” In the trial, he also makes it clear that as the leader, he was responsible.

Success/winning: Bronc leaves the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth.

Wound: Slick Willy acts out when he sees that the public are cheering on Pete.

Betrayal: Pete realizes he was set up from the beginning.

Success/winning + bonding: Pete’s colleagues line up at the prison visiting room to make deals.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S REVEALS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: Although I think I have more to discover here, it is very crucial for these setups and reveals to be related to the character profiles—what is DRIVING them, what are they AFRAID of, etc. I was happy that many reveals already had “legs” in the script, but I was able to beef them up.

REVEALS:

In Act 1

Reveal #1: The warning was true! There WAS an investigation into Pete’s company.

Setups: The team discusses the warning / “gossip.”

Revealed in Act 1’s Seizure.

In Act 2

Reveal #2: Slick Willy knows that Pete is innocent.

Setups: He oversells the seizure and later gets the National Guard involved (Act 1). Reveals his clandestine relationship and admits to his colleagues that the case is weak (Act 2). When he announces that an investigation is going on, Slick Willy’s #2 says there is no case (Act 2).

Reveal #3: Pete wonders if his oblivious and “success-oriented” attitude might have put them in jeopardy.

Setups: Blowing off “the warning” (Act 1). Being focused on the NASA relationship instead of what’s happening at home (Act 1). Pushing forward with what he wants to do (such as announcing he’ll sue the government) without talking with everyone (Act 1).

Revealed during “self-investigation” with Charlie.

In Act 3

Reveal #4: That the judge and prosecutor are in cahoots / but we don’t know why yet.

Setups: Slick Willy goes for advice to a mystery person (Act 1), who is later revealed to be the judge (Act 3). SW also talks about the case’s weaknesses (Act 3) and realization that the defendants are innocent (Act 2).

Reveal #5: Pete is a great scientist and has done a very complicated job well, for a long time (even if he doubts himself)

Setups: Pete takes over the packing of the fossil in the seizure because the “experts” don’t know how to do it (Act 2). In his own self-investigation, Pete’s records are pretty darn complete (Act 2). When he lays out an entire method to retrace their steps, he is competent (Act 3). Slick Willy knows he’s innocent of masterminding a conspiracy (Act 2). SW’s expert investigators and fossil people uncover…nothing (Act 3).

In Act 4

Reveal #6: That the whole case was a set-up; that Pete was the perfect “mark” for Slick Willy to use as a case to get promoted.

Setups: The earlier reveal, where Slick Willy knows Pete is innocent (from Act 2). Slick Willy agrees to a plea bargain where Pete is clearly the winner, because SW knows he won’t win (Act 3). SW reveals the plea bargain to a reporter friend [is he feeling guilty here?], not realizing that it will backfire (Act 3).

Reveal #7: Pete and June actually talk to each other; she’s his “person” and advisor.

Setups: He does some things “without thinking” and acts on June’s behalf; he lays down in front of the truck; he hears a voice. (Acts 1 & 2) He goes to talk to her in storage; the medicine man TELLS him what’s happening. (Act 3) Another dream (Act 4).

Reveal #8: Colleague who broke the law acted alone.

Setups: Pete discovers the evidence (Acts 2 & 3)

Where fully revealed? Act 4, when the colleague testifies with immunity.

ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE

PJ 1: ACTION: Pete and X are hanging on a cliff, each holding onto a rope (not in climbing harness, etc.) tied off to a rock above. They are chipping out a fossil from exposed rock—and as it comes loose, Pete dives to catch it. Both he and the rock nearly tumble a hundred feet down, but X catches his clothes. They look up, wondering how they’ll get it back to the top.

PJ 2: The rock is tied into the back of a dinged pickup. Pete and his merry band of diggers are returning from the dig. He’s driving; BRUSHES OFF the question about the “warning” they heard from a friend—that they are being investigated. Wants to talk about the “cool find.”

DEEPER LAYER: He’s been warned, but refuses to consider it. “Not possible” in his worldview.

AJ 1: IN SLOW MOTION, Slick Willy drives past the caravan on the road… sees them as they turn into the gas station… he’s on the way to the landowner they just left. He barks at his #2 to take photos.

PJ 3: ACTION Everybody loads up. Kids “climb” Pete and he “tosses” them in an open window… everyone drives off.

PJ 4: Pete’s passenger (X?) notices in the rear-view that a vehicle has pulled over. Pete expertly backs up and hops out to help… but gets DISTRACTED by rocks in the side cut… He hollers for a particular kid, who specializes in these rocks. Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.

DEEPER LAYER: When they get back to the facility, we see how deeply they love their work—and especially their favorite dinosaur, JUNE.

PJ 5: In a town celebration, Pete IS NATURAL IN THE SPOTLIGHT as he dedicates June to be a permanent fixture in the museum—and announces that NASA is coming to pick up her skull to scan for scientific research purposes.

INCITING INCIDENT: Place is surrounded… seizure of June!

TJ 1 (Triangle character): Pete’s lawyer, Bronc, arrives and EVERYTHING STOPS. With great drama, he talks about NASA to the “gov’ment.” Tells Pete to keep his trap shut.

AJ 2: Slick Willy—wearing pancake makeup—holds a press conference, makes claims that Pete has violated laws, and that the fossil is “in danger” because Pete’s team sell fossils. Primps and postures.

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy is out of his element and too arrogant to realize how many mistakes he’s making. However, Judge sides with him and nixes NASA.

PJ 6: Pete “CROSSES THE LINE” (literally, the do-not-cross line) because “his” fossil is in danger from the government agents pretending to help. He takes over the seizure himself, and starts packing June. Embarrasses Slick Willy.

AJ 3: Slick Willy arrives LEADING THE NATIONAL GUARD (another mistake). School children come out in droves to protest, which totally throws him off guard.

TJ 2: Bronc enjoys the press as much as Slick Willy does.

PJ 7 / TURNING POINT 1: Pete is asked for an interview, and WITHOUT THINKING AHEAD, announces on TV that he’ll sue the government. (School kids and townsfolk in background.) [MAGIC HERE? “VOICE IN HIS HEAD”?]

AJ 4 / DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Slick Willy runs to the judge [WE DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS] to ask advice. We learn that Slick Willy is in cahoots… with someone.

ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

PJ 8: Pete is pulled from interview to interview—although he keeps trying to get back to work—and keeps BLURTING OUT his truth. People start to love him.

AJ 5: Slick Willy is in deep—he doesn’t know what to do with all the stuff he’s confiscating. Had no idea what he was really asking for, or how to manage. Tries to act confident, but behind closed doors, looses his shit and then confesses all to #2. #2 helps to steer and organize.

TJ 3: Bronc files a motion to object to the use of the National Guard on legal grounds / also tries to stop the process for June’s safety and for science. He’s like a ninja.

AJ 6: Slick Willy ORDERS MORE “EXPERTS” into the mix. To fight Pete’s positive press, SW instructs some to start spreading fake news about “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” They do it, but frank conversations among this group—including prosecutors—suggest that Pete isn’t guilty of anything.

PJ 9: Pete sees the power of the press, and calls his old pal, Charlie (who works at NBC): “Can you find Tom Brokaw?”

AJ 7: As June’s trucks begin to pull out, Slick Willy HINTS TO THE PRESS that a large investigation is underway. His #2 says there isn’t a case.

PJ 10: Pete LAYS DOWN IN FRONT OF THE TRUCK; he can’t bear for June to drive away. His own kids pull him away.

TJ 4: Bronc asks Pete: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy begins to position the case as “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder,” but he’s really just buying time while he figures out how to proceed. All the questions make Pete doubt himself and his easy-going processes.

PJ 11: Charlie arrives, and Pete pours his heart out to her. As they UNDERGO SOME PRELIMINARY “SELF-INVESTIGATION” (i.e., dangling from the shelves in the warehouse), he confesses that he’s not always as organized as he should be. What if he hasn’t steered the ship well enough? What if they were in the wrong place? But they discover that one of his colleagues really has been doing something wrong—intentionally. How will this hurt Pete?

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT (TP2): INDICTMENTS!

AJ 8: With great pomp and circumstance, Slick Willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case. It’s ridiculous in its scope and overreach, and he admits to #2 that he just hopes something sticks.

TJ 5: Bronc puts it all in perspective during a briefing for Charlie: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.”

PJ 12: Pete [HAS A DREAM? HEARS A VOICE?] discovers his inner hero, or at least his inner “grown up”—recognizing the scope of this situation, he stands tall.

TJ 6: Bronc warns Pete to be careful of Charlie—and “he knows women.” Pete says his intuition about her is good; he’s known her “forever.”

DEEPER LAYER: “everyone” involved knows this is a game, and that the indictment is out of control. Still, the game is serious. Plus, is Charlie a fame-digger?

ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR

PJ 13 / TJ 6: Pete and Bronc LAY OUT A PLAN to investigate every count. Send out the team, including Charlie.

AJ 9: Slick Willy sends all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified. Without saying it outright, he suggests that they stretch the truth if needed. (Hilarious, as they are out of shape and can’t reach the fossil sites.) Slick Willy begrudgingly realizes that Pete is better at his job than the academic experts.

DEEPER LAYER: As both sides build their cases, we see how the prosecutor handles the case, and how weak everyone thinks it really is. We also see Pete use his natural skills in an awesome way. Charlie, meanwhile, is rock solid.

DEEPER LAYER: As Pete learns more about what his “bad colleague” has done, his own fears of inadequacy or having “impostor syndrome” are triggered. Also is placed in an ethical dilemma.

TP / MIDPOINT (“ALL IS LOST”): judge orders June to be auctioned! Pete’s co-defendants are afraid; lawyers multiply and split.

PJ 14: Pete is given lots of casseroles and is told all kinds of platitudes about life’s difficulties. He “runs into” a medicine man [more MAGIC?], who tells him it’s dangerous to disturb fossils—but also that June knows Pete is “her person.” [MAYBE the “magic” is revealed: that the “voice” is June’s.]

DEEPER LAYER: SOMETHING HERE about the “curse” of the fossil / magic happens.

AJ 10: Slick Willy rubs his hands together… even if the case is weak, the defendants have been hobbled—and also might cut each other to bits. All of that could make him the winner.

PJ 15: Pete VISITS JUNE at her storage facility, asking for advice. She tells him to stand strong for the team, and be willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong.

TJ 7: Bronc initiates a meeting / suggests the plea bargain. Slick Willy agrees, thinking it will be the best chance at a “win,” even though the plea bargain is highly in Pete’s favor.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: When the plea bargain appears in the paper, the judge [WE LEARN THAT THE “ADVISOR” IS THE JUDGE] blames Pete’s team and turns it down, stunning Slick Willy. [NOTE: SHOULD THE REJECTION BE THE MIDPOINT?]

ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)

Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …

PJ 16: Pete goes fossil hunting. MAYBE he has a DREAM: the guys who created this independent business model 100 years before explain they are relying on him. MAYBE he has an in-person conversation with the dinosaur herself, in real time. They break the case.

AJ 11 / 12 / etc.: Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes. (Don’t forget his fussing with ELMO.)

DEEPER REVEAL: The colleague who broke the law is given immunity, but doesn’t say anything damning about Pete. Because there isn’t any. Big disappointment to Slick Willy.

PJ 17 / 18 / etc.: Pete, by bringing everyone together (being a real leader) scores good points—although it also becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error. Nothing serious.

TJ 8 / 9 / etc.: Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses. Bronc focuses on the “pretty lady” in the jury, knowing he can count on her falling for him.

DEEPER LEVEL: The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.

RESOLUTION: The judge, completely on a tear, sentences Pete as if he were guilty of big crimes and will send him to prison. We learn that Bronc’s “favorite juror” plays golf with the judge. She was the single “guilty” verdict on many counts.

TJ XX: Despite Pete’s being convicted, even on minor charges, Bronc marches out of the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth.

AJ XX: Slick Willy is frustrated that the public sees this as a “win” for Pete. SLICK WILLY GETS FIRED.

DEEPER LEVEL: Charlie finds out that the Slick Willy leaked the plea bargain to the press… and that the whole case was a set-up to get the prosecutor confirmed as US Attorney. [NOT SURE HOW YET.]

PJ XX: When Pete self-surrenders, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” We see Pete’s business colleagues lined up to visit him as he’s finding fossils in the prison yard.

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE something magic here… dinosaur helps him with scary guys?

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE a fossil starts magically popping out of the ground…?

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S CHARACTER ACTION TRACKS!

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: I have been thinking through “ideas” or “feelings” instead of action. I don’t feel like I’ve nailed this yet, but definitely made significant changes on this round!

ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE

PJ 1: ACTION: Pete and X are hanging on a cliff, each holding onto a rope (not in climbing harness, etc.) tied off to a rock above. They are chipping out a fossil from exposed rock—and as it comes loose, Pete dives to catch it. Both he and the rock nearly tumble a hundred feet down, but X catches his clothes. They look up, wondering how they’ll get it back to the top.

PJ 2: The rock is tied into the back of a dinged pickup. Pete and his merry band of diggers are returning from the dig. He’s driving; BRUSHES OFF the question about the “warning” they heard from a friend—that they are being investigated. Wants to talk about the “cool find.”

DEEPER LAYER: He’s been warned, but refuses to consider it. “Not possible” in his worldview.

AJ 1: IN SLOW MOTION, Slick Willy drives past the caravan on the road… sees them as they turn into the gas station… he’s on the way to the landowner they just left. He barks at his #2 to take photos.

PJ 3: ACTION Everybody loads up. Kids “climb” Pete and he “tosses” them in an open window… everyone drives off.

PJ 4: Pete’s passenger (X?) notices in the rear-view that a vehicle has pulled over. Pete expertly backs up and hops out to help… but gets DISTRACTED by rocks in the side cut… He hollers for a particular kid, who specializes in these rocks. Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.

DEEPER LAYER: When they get back to the facility, we see how deeply they love their work—and especially their favorite dinosaur, JUNE.

PJ 5: In a town celebration, Pete IS NATURAL IN THE SPOTLIGHT as he dedicates June to be a permanent fixture in the museum—and announces that NASA is coming to pick up her skull to scan for scientific research purposes.

INCITING INCIDENT: Place is surrounded… seizure of June!

TJ 1 (Triangle character): Pete’s lawyer, Bronc, arrives and EVERYTHING STOPS. With great drama, he talks about NASA to the “gov’ment.” Tells Pete to keep his trap shut.

AJ 2: Slick Willy—wearing pancake makeup—holds a press conference, makes claims that Pete has violated laws, and that the fossil is “in danger” because Pete’s team sell fossils. Primps and postures.

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy is out of his element and too arrogant to realize how many mistakes he’s making. However, Judge sides with him and nixes NASA.

PJ 6: Pete “CROSSES THE LINE” (literally, the do-not-cross line) because “his” fossil is in danger from the government agents pretending to help. He takes over the seizure himself, and starts packing June. Embarrasses Slick Willy.

AJ 3: Slick Willy arrives LEADING THE NATIONAL GUARD (another mistake). School children come out in droves to protest, which totally throws him off guard.

TJ 2: Bronc enjoys the press as much as Slick Willy does.

PJ 7 / TURNING POINT 1: Pete is asked for an interview, and WITHOUT THINKING AHEAD, announces on TV that he’ll sue the government. (School kids and townsfolk in background.) [MAGIC HERE? “VOICE IN HIS HEAD”?]

AJ 4 / DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Slick Willy runs to the judge [WE DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS] to ask advice. We learn that Slick Willy is in cahoots… with someone.

ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

PJ 8: Pete is pulled from interview to interview—although he keeps trying to get back to work—and keeps BLURTING OUT his truth. People start to love him.

AJ 5: Slick Willy is in deep—he doesn’t know what to do with all the stuff he’s confiscating. Had no idea what he was really asking for, or how to manage. Tries to act confident, but behind closed doors, confesses all to #2. #2 helps to steer and organize.

TJ 3: Bronc files a motion to object to the use of the National Guard on legal grounds / also tries to stop the process for June’s safety and for science. He’s like a ninja.

AJ 6: Slick Willy ORDERS MORE “EXPERTS” into the mix. To fight Pete’s positive press, instructs some to start spreading fake news about “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” But frank conversations among this group—including prosecutors—suggest that Pete isn’t guilty of anything.

PJ 9: Pete sees the power of the press, and calls his old pal, Charlie (who works at NBC): “Can you find Tom Brokaw?”

AJ 7: As June’s trucks begin to pull out, Slick Willy HINTS TO THE PRESS that a large investigation is underway. His #2 says there isn’t a case.

PJ 10: Pete LAYS DOWN IN FRONT OF THE TRUCK; he can’t bear for June to drive away. His own kids pull him away.

TJ 4: Bronc asks Pete: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy begins to position the case as “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder,” but he’s really just buying time while he figures out how to proceed. All the questions make Pete doubt himself and his easy-going processes.

PJ 11: Charlie arrives, and Pete pours his heart out to her. As they UNDERGO SOME PRELIMINARY “SELF-INVESTIGATION” (i.e., dangling from the shelves in the warehouse), he discovers that one of his colleagues really has been doing something wrong.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT (TP2): INDICTMENTS!

AJ 8: With great pomp and circumstance, Slick Willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case. It’s ridiculous in its scope and overreach.

TJ 5: Bronc puts it all in perspective during a briefing for Charlie: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.”

PJ 12: Pete [HAS A DREAM? HEARS A VOICE?] discovers his inner hero, or at least his inner “grown up”—recognizing the scope of this situation, he stands tall.

TJ 6: Bronc warns Pete to be careful of Charlie—and “he knows women.” Pete says his intuition about her is good; he’s known her “forever.”

DEEPER LAYER: “everyone” involved knows this is a game, and that the indictment is out of control. Still, the game is serious. Plus, is Charlie a fame-digger?

ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR

PJ 13 / TJ 6: Pete and Bronc LAY OUT A PLAN to investigate every count. Send out the team, including Charlie.

AJ 9: Slick Willy sends all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified. Without saying it outright, he suggests that they stretch the truth if needed. (Hilarious, as they are out of shape and can’t reach them.)

DEEPER LAYER: As both sides build their cases, we see how the prosecutor handles the case, and how weak everyone thinks it really is. We also see Pete use his natural skills in an awesome way. Charlie, meanwhile, is rock solid.

TP / MIDPOINT (“ALL IS LOST”): judge orders June to be auctioned! Pete’s co-defendants are afraid; lawyers multiply and split.

PJ 14: Pete is given lots of casseroles and is told all kinds of platitudes about life’s difficulties. He “runs into” a medicine man [more MAGIC?], who tells him it’s dangerous to disturb fossils—but also that June knows Pete is “her person.” [MAYBE the “magic” is revealed: that the “voice” is June’s.]

DEEPER LAYER: SOMETHING HERE about the “curse” of the fossil / magic happens.

AJ 10: Slick Willy rubs his hands together… even if the case is weak, the defendants have been hobbled—and also might cut each other to bits. All of that could make him the winner.

PJ 15: Pete VISITS JUNE at her storage facility, asking for advice. She tells him to stand strong for the team, and be willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong.

TJ 7: Bronc initiates a meeting / suggests the plea bargain. Slick Willy agrees, thinking it will be the best chance at a “win,” even though the plea bargain is highly in Pete’s favor.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: When the plea bargain appears in the paper, the judge [WE LEARN THAT THE “ADVISOR” IS THE JUDGE] blames Pete’s team and turns it down, stunning Slick Willy. [NOTE: SHOULD THE REJECTION BE THE MIDPOINT?]

ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)

Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …

PJ 16: Pete goes fossil hunting. MAYBE he has a DREAM: the guys who created this independent business model 100 years before explain they are relying on him. MAYBE he has an in-person conversation with the dinosaur herself, in real time. They break the case.

AJ 11 / 12 / etc.: Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes. (Don’t forget his fussing with ELMO.)

PJ 17 / 18 / etc.: Pete, by bringing everyone together (being a real leader) scores good points—although it also becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error. Nothing serious.

TJ 8 / 9 / etc.: Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses. Bronc focuses on the “pretty lady” in the jury, knowing he can count on her falling for him.

DEEPER LEVEL: The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.

RESOLUTION: The judge, completely on a tear, sentences Pete as if he were guilty of big crimes and will send him to prison. We learn that Bronc’s “favorite juror” plays golf with the judge. She was the single “guilty” verdict on many counts.

TJ XX: Despite Pete’s being convicted, even on minor charges, Bronc marches out of the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth.

AJ XX: Slick Willy is frustrated that the public sees this as a “win” for Pete. SLICK WILLY GETS FIRED.

DEEPER LEVEL: Charlie finds out that the Slick Willy leaked the plea bargain to the press… and that the whole case was a set-up. [NOT SURE HOW YET.]

PJ XX: When Pete self-surrenders, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” We see Pete’s business colleagues lined up to visit him as he’s finding fossils in the prison yard.

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE something magic here… dinosaur helps him with scary guys?

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE a fossil starts magically popping out of the ground…?

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S NEW OUTLINE BEATS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: it was harder for me to go backward, but working with the Turning Points was very helpful right away. Also, when I was hyper-focused on inputting the characters’ moments, I didn’t know how to include something that wasn’t initially assigned to a character. This round, I was able to assign more of those, and to see gaping holes where plot points needed to be made.

ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE

PJ 1: Pete is returning from a dig with the merry band of diggers; brushes off the question about the “warning” they heard from a friend—that they are being investigated. Wants to talk about science.

DEEPER LAYER: He’s been warned, but refuses to consider it. “Not possible” in his worldview.

AJ 1: Slick Willy passes the caravan on the road… sees them as they turn into the gas station… he’s on the way to the landowner they just left.

PJ 2: Everybody loads up, helps kids hop in… drives off.

PJ 3: Someone notices that a vehicle has pulled over. Pete expertly backs up and hops out… very ready to help… He mentions that a particular kid would like XX on the ditch. Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.

DEEPER LAYER: When they get back to the facility, we see how deeply they love their work—and especially their favorite dinosaur, JUNE.

PJ 4: In a town celebration, Pete dedicates June to be a permanent fixture in the museum—and announces that NASA is coming to pick up her skull to scan for scientific research purposes.

INCITING INCIDENT: Place is surrounded… seizure of June!

TJ 1: Lawyer arrives and takes stock. Talks about NASA. Tells Pete to keep his trap shut.

AJ 2: Slick Willy thinks he’s playing a strong hand – holds a press conference, makes claims that Pete has violated laws, and that the fossil is “in danger” because Pete’s team sell fossils. Thinks he’ll be a hero.

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy is out of his element and too arrogant to realize how many mistakes he’s making. However, Judge sides with him and nixes NASA.

PJ 4: Starts to call out Slick Willy – he doesn’t know what he’s doing. The fossil is in danger from the person pretending to help—so Pete takes over the seizure himself. Embarrasses Slick Willy.

AJ 3: Slick Willy calls in the National Guard (another mistake). School children come out in droves to protest.

TJ 2: Bronc enjoys the press as much as Slick Willy does.

PJ 5 / TURNING POINT 1: Pete announces on TV that he’ll sue the government. (School kids and townsfolk in background.) [MAGIC HERE? “VOICE IN HIS HEAD”?]

AJ 4 / DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Slick Willy runs to the judge [WE DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS] to ask advice. We learn that Slick Willy is in cahoots… with someone.

ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

PJ 6: Pete is interviewed—a lot—and keeps telling his truth. People start to love him.

AJ 5: Slick Willy is in deep—and he doesn’t know what to do with all the stuff. Had no idea what he was really asking for, or how to manage. Confesses this to his colleague. Colleague helps to steer and organize.

TJ 3: Bronc files paperwork about the National Guard / tries to stop the process for June’s safety and for science.

AJ 6: Slick Willy brings more “experts” into the mix. To fight Pete’s positive press, some of them start spreading fake news about “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” But frank conversations among this group—including prosecutors—suggest that Pete isn’t guilty of anything.

PJ 7: Pete calls Charlie: “Can you find Tom Brokaw?”

AJ 7: Slick Willy hints to the press that a large investigation is underway.

TJ 4: Bronc asks Pete: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy begins to position the case as “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder,” but he’s really just buying time while he figures out how to proceed. All the questions make Pete doubt himself and his easy-going processes.

PJ 8: Charlie arrives, and Pete pours his heart out to her. He reveals that during his preliminary “self-investigation,” he’s discovered that one of his colleagues really has been doing something wrong.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT (TP2): INDICTMENTS!

AJ 8: Slick willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case. It’s ridiculous in its scope and overreach.

TJ 5: Bronc puts it all in perspective during a briefing for Charlie: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.”

PJ 9: Pete [HAS A DREAM? HEARS A VOICE?] discovers his inner hero, or at least his inner “grown up”—recognizing the scope of this situation, he stands tall.

TJ 6: Bronc warns Pete to be careful of Charlie—and “he knows women.” Pete says his intuition about her is good; he’s known her “forever.”

DEEPER LAYER: “everyone” involved knows this is a game, and that the indictment is out of control. Still, the game is serious. Plus, is Charlie a fame-digger?

ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR

PJ 10 / TJ 6: Pete and Bronc lay out a plan to investigate every count. Sends out the team, including Charlie.

AJ 9: Slick Willy sends all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified. Without saying it outright, he suggests that they stretch the truth if needed. (Hilarious, as they are out of shape and can’t reach them.)

DEEPER LAYER: As both sides build their cases, we see how the prosecutor handles the case, and how weak everyone thinks it really is. We also see Pete use his natural skills in an awesome way. Charlie, meanwhile, is rock solid.

TP / MIDPOINT (“ALL IS LOST”): judge orders June to be auctioned! Pete’s co-defendants are afraid; lawyers multiply and split.

PJ 11: Pete is devastated at the loss of his dinosaur. A medicine man comes to talk to him about disturbing fossils—but that June knows Pete is “her person.” [MAYBE the “magic” is revealed: that the “voice” is June’s.]

DEEPER LAYER: SOMETHING HERE about the “curse” of the fossil / magic happens.

AJ 10: Slick Willy rubs his hands together… even if the case is weak, the defendants have been hobbled—and also might cut each other to bits. All of that could make him the winner.

PJ 12: Pete stands alone for the team, willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong. He goes and talks to June in her storage container.

TJ 7: Bronc initiates a meeting / suggests the plea bargain. Slick Willy agrees, thinking it will be the best chance at a “win,” even though the plea bargain is highly in Pete’s favor.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: When the plea bargain appears in the paper, the judge [WE LEARN THAT THE “ADVISOR” IS THE JUDGE] blames Pete’s team and turns it down, stunning Slick Willy. [NOTE: SHOULD THE REJECTION BE THE MIDPOINT?]

ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)

Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …

PJ 13: Pete goes fossil hunting. MAYBE he has a DREAM: the guys who created this independent business model 100 years before explain they are relying on him. MAYBE he has an in-person conversation with the dinosaur herself, in real time. They break the case.

AJ 11 / 12 / etc.: Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes. (Don’t forget his fussing with ELMO.)

PJ 14 / 15 / etc.: Pete, by bringing everyone together (being a real leader) scores good points—although it also becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error. Nothing serious.

TJ 8 / 9 / etc.: Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses.

DEEPER LEVEL: The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.

RESOLUTION: The judge, completely on a tear, sentences Pete as if he were guilty of big crimes and will send him to prison.

TJ XX: Despite Pete’s being convicted on anything at all, Bronc marches out of the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth.

AJ XX: Slick Willy is frustrated that the public sees this as a “win” for Pete.

DEEPER LEVEL: Charlie finds out that the Slick Willy leaked the plea bargain to the press… and that the whole case was a set-up. [NOT SURE HOW YET.]

PJ XX: When Pete self-surrenders, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” We see Pete’s business colleagues lined up to visit him as he’s finding fossils in the prison yard.

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE something magic here… dinosaur helps him with scary guys?

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE a fossil starts magically popping out of the ground…?

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S BEAT SHEET — DRAFT 1

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: I was so worried that I didn’t know all of the beats, or that I wouldn’t be able to separate “the plot” or “the details” from the characters’ primary moves. By reading the assignment and sample, and then listening again to Hal’s instructions (including to just DO IT FAST and move on), I realized I could do it. It’s weird: I’ve outlined a million times, but somehow this seemed more intimidating. I think the idea that this is a “better process” made me more worried about it. I think I’ve made friends with it now.

ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE

PJ 1: Pete is returning from a dig with the merry band of diggers; brushes off the question about the “warning” they heard about from a friend. Wants to talk about science.

DEEPER LAYER: He’s been warned, but refuses to consider it. “Not possible” in his worldview.

AJ 1: Slick Willy passes the caravan on the road… sees them as they turn into the gas station… he’s on the way to the landowner they just left.

PJ 2: Everybody loads up, helps kids hop in… drives off.

PJ 3: Someone notices that a vehicle has pulled over. Pete expertly backs up and hops out… very ready to help… He mentions that a particular kid would like XX on the ditch. Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.

INCITING INCIDENT: Place is surrounded… seizure of fossil!

TJ 1: Lawyer arrives and takes stock. Tells Pete to keep his trap shut.

AJ 2: Slick Willy thinks he’s playing a strong hand – holds a press conference, makes claims that Pete has violated laws, and that the fossil is “in danger.” Thinks he’ll be a hero.

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy is out of his element and too arrogant to realize how many mistakes he’s making.

PJ 4: Starts to call out Slick Willy – he doesn’t know what he’s doing. The fossil is in danger from the person pretending to help—so Pete takes over the seizure himself. Embarrasses Slick Willy.

AJ 3: Slick Willy calls in the National Guard (another mistake).

TJ 2: Bronc enjoys the press as much as Slick Willy does.

PJ 5 / TURNING POINT 1: Pete announces on TV that he’ll sue the government.

AJ 4 / DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Slick Willy runs to the judge [MAYBE WE DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS] to ask advice. We learn that Slick Willy is in cahoots… with someone.

ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

PJ 6: Pete is interviewed—a lot—and keeps telling his truth. People start to love him.

TJ 3: Bronc files paperwork about the National Guard / tries to stop the process for science and safety.

AJ 5: Slick Willy brings more “experts” into the mix. To fight Pete’s positive press, some of them start spreading fake news about “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” But frank conversations among this group suggest that Pete isn’t guilty of anything.

PJ 7: Pete calls Charlie: “Can you find Tom Brokaw?”

AJ 6: Slick Willy hints to the press that a large investigation is underway.

TJ 4: Bronc asks Pete: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy begins to position the case as “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder,” but he’s really just buying time while he figures out how to proceed. All the questions make Pete doubt himself and his easy-going processes.

PJ 8: Charlie arrives, and Pete pours his heart out to her. He reveals that during his preliminary “self-investigation,” he’s discovered that one of his colleagues really has been doing something wrong.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT (TP2): INDICTMENTS!

AJ 7: Slick willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case. It’s ridiculous in its scope and overreach.

TJ 5: Bronc puts it all in perspective during a briefing for Charlie: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.”

PJ 9: Pete shows a new side to himself—recognizing the scope of this situation, he finds his “inner grown up” and stands tall.

TJ 6: Bronc warns Pete to be careful of Charlie—and “he knows women.” Pete says his intuition about her is good; he’s known her “forever.”

DEEPER LAYER: “everyone” involved knows this is a game, and that the indictment is out of control. Still, the game is serious.

ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR

PJ 10 / TJ 6: Pete and Bronc lay out a plan to investigate every count. Sends out the team, including Charlie.

AJ 8: Slick Willy sends all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified; without saying it outright, he suggests that they stretch the truth if needed. (Hilarious, as they are out of shape and can’t reach them.)

DEEPER LAYER: As both sides build their cases, we see how the prosecutor handles the case, and how weak everyone thinks it really is. We also see Pete use his natural skills in an awesome way.

TP / MIDPOINT: Other defendants are afraid; lawyers multiply and split.

AJ 9: Slick Willy rubs his hands together… even if the case is weak, the defendants might cut each other to bits—which would make him the winner.

PJ 11: Pete stands alone for the team, willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong.

TJ 7: Bronc initiates a meeting / suggests the plea bargain. Slick Willy agrees, thinking it will be the best chance at a “win,” even though the plea bargain is highly in Pete’s favor.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: When the plea bargain appears in the paper, the judge [WE LEARN THAT THE “ADVISOR” IS THE JUDGE] blames Pete’s team and turns it down, stunning Slick Willy. [NOTE: SHOULD THE REJECTION BE THE MIDPOINT?]

ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)

Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …

AJ 10 / 11 / etc.: Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes.

PJ 12 / 13 / etc.: Pete scores good points, and also it becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error—but nothing serious.

TJ 8 / 9 / etc.: Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses.

DEEPER LEVEL: The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.

RESOLUTION: The judge, completely on a tear, sentences Pete as if he were guilty of big crimes and sends him to prison.

DEEPER LEVEL: Charlie finds out that the Slick Willy leaked the plea bargain to the press… and that the whole case was a set-up. [NOT SURE HOW YET.]

PJ XX: When Pete self-surrenders, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” We see Pete’s business colleagues lined up to visit him as he’s finding fossils in the prison yard.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S DEEPER LAYER

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment is that although I had done the intrigue and other assignments before, I didn’t fully understand how that information would (a) define the deeper layer in a real way, and (b) how it would flesh out the story. I think I wasn’t really SURE how the deeper layer really was going to work, and that it didn’t have to originate with the protagonist.

_______________

Surface Layer: Pete is accused of a lot of crimes, and as he goes about proving his innocence, the audience wonders who he really is. They’re asking, “if there’s smoke, is there fire?”

Deeper Layer: The prosecutor has labeled/targeted Pete as an “opportunistic treasure hunter”—looking for an “easy win” to make national headlines; once he screws up with the seizure, his judge friend has to help him patch up the case. Neither one cares if Pete is actually innocent. Meanwhile, Pete already feels inadequate in his field, and these accusations push his buttons.

Major Reveal: Could be when Pete signs in at the prison, and the guard blurts it out. If then, we also have all the other prisoners treating him “specially,” and “everyone” knows he’s innocent.

Influences Surface Story: As Pete retraces his steps, to defend against the accusations and prove himself as a real scientist, he’s working to clear his name. There are enough missteps through the process that we wonder if he’s shading the truth—until it’s discovered that he was wrongly prosecuted.

Hints: Judge’s ridiculous decisions (plea bargain, objections); prosecutor’s lack of preparedness (no packing materials; doesn’t understand the notes / land designations); prosecutor not objecting to the juror who knows the judge; prosecutor backing the judge when he refuses to step down; judge’s crazy jury instructions.

Changes Reality: We realize that there really ARE naïve, kind humans; and we realize that Pete really HAS changed the science, that he really IS amazing at his job, and a total maverick. He’s unusual, but he’s not a fortune hunter or a liar—and things that could have been “shady” were actually innocent. We also realize that the “good guys” lied to the public the entire time.

_______________

Adding to the structure:

Beginning: As the merry band of paleontologists are working, they hear from a friend or relative who works in the courthouse or one of the law firms. They get a head’s up that someone’s looking into the legalities of the fossil. “No problem,” says Pete. “We’re above board.”

Inciting Incident: During the seizure of property, the prosecutor is oddly overprepared in some aspects—obviously wearing makeup for the cameras he called to the scene—and underprepared in most others. He’s not knowledgeable about the fossil, how to pack it, whom he should have brought with him, etc. His whole focus was in calling the press to alert them about using the National Guard, and what he assumes the optics will be. He’s very wrong.

Turning Point 1: Prosecutor totally flips out when Pete turns the tables on him. He’s also incorrect with his quotes to the international media.

Act 2: As Pete gets sympathetic press, prosecutor spreads the story that fossil hunters are treasure hunters who are only interested in money. He says, “We’re trying to save these things from being auctioned to the highest bidder.” From the position of the Surface Layer, this seems like “the truth,” or at least the “party line” of academics; but in the Deeper Layer, it’s a smoke screen to buy the prosecutor time.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Even though he knows Pete isn’t guilty, prosecutor sets up a huge and ridiculous RICO case. [There should be a “hint” here that indicates he wonders if he’s overstepping…provides a shadow of a doubt for audience.]

Act 3: This is where both sides build their cases, and the competition is on. Hints here involve how the prosecutor handles the investigation, and what he tells his field operatives.

Turning Point 3: How prosecutor handles the plea bargain indicates he’s wavering. The judge refuses the plea bargain, trying to prevent the prosecutor from admitting defeat and exposing them.

Act 4 Climax: The courtroom is a shit show. Prosecutor obviously doesn’t know about a million details; his heart is not in the case itself.

Resolution: Pete goes to prison—and finds out that the whole thing was a set-up.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S CHARACTER STRUCTURE

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is that it’s okay for the antagonist’s arc to begin before the movie begins. I suppose this is kind of evident once you think about it, but THINKING ABOUT IT was an ah-ha moment. It’s one of the best structural tips ever.

PROTAGONIST / PETE THE PALEONTOLOGIST

Beginning: Where does the character start?

Starts as Peter Pan, leading his group at the best job on earth.

Inciting incident: What propels them on their journey?

His favorite dinosaur is seized by the feds!

Turning Point 1: A major twist that locks them into a conflict.

He stands up for himself—and sues the government.

Act 2: The character has a “normal response” to this change in their lives.

He thinks if he just explains everything, logic will win out. “Just tell the truth.”

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: A twist that causes everything to change but keeps the

character on the same journey.

He’s indicted; this gets “real.”

Act 3: The character rethinks their journey and makes a real change to solve things.

He has to start thinking like the opposition—own his power and become a leader. He starts moving mountains—examining the case like he examines rocks.

Turning Point 3: Another major twist that takes them to the biggest conflict.

The co-defendants start turning on one another; he refuses to do this, and realizes he has to stand on his own.

4th Act Climax: The ultimate experience/expression of this conflict.

The “show-down” = courtroom.

Resolution: Their world has changed. How did they end up after going through this

journey?

Strong, focused, the champion of his industry­—and his family have no idea.

ANTAGONIST / SLICK WILLY / ACTING U.S. ATTORNEY

Beginning: Where does the character start?

Starts as a mediocre, ladder-climbing government attorney with political aspirations.

Inciting incident: What propels them on their journey?

Getting overlooked for years. Then, after the US Attorney left (when Democrats won the White House), he wanted a promotion. Would do anything to get noticed.

Turning Point 1: A major twist that locks them into a conflict.

He searches for a case that can make him famous, and butters up his old judge pal.

Act 2: The character has a “normal response” to this change in their lives.

He researches issues the judge is familiar with—land ownership. Then, a golden egg is laid on his desk, when he hears from the landowner.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: A twist that causes everything to change but keeps the

character on the same journey.

Identifies Pete as a target, and stages the seizure.

Act 3: The character rethinks their journey and makes a real change to solve things.

Pete sues the government! The public falls in love with Pete! Damn it!

Turning Point 3: Another major twist that takes them to the biggest conflict.

He sets up a huge and cumbersome RICO case. Go big or go home.

4th Act Climax: The ultimate experience/expression of this conflict.

The “show-down” = courtroom. He underestimates his rivals—plus, they’re innocent.

Resolution: Their world has changed. How did they end up after going through this

journey?

He looks like an idiot; leaves the post, knowing he will never get promoted.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S SUPPORTING CHARACTERS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment: That I have a lot of characters!! Maybe too many. I realize the story is complicated, and so this assignment will help me consider whether I need to whittle them down. Scared about trying to do that!

Support 1: Name: Protagonist’s brother/partner

<div>

Role: A victim of events, like Pete, but also a liability; also illustrates the drain of the family. In the end, snaps under pressure and Pete sacrifices for him

Main purpose: To illustrate Pete’s Wound and to put pressure on him emotionally. Also, to be someone “to save”

Value: He shows some elements of the government’s case—he’s not as scientific; he’s sloppy; he’s self-serving; he’s volatile and emotional. He also manipulates facts.

Support 2: Name: Chief Preparator

</div><div>

Role: A champion for the fossil who has a singular focus; unwavering in his support of truth; demonstrates and sets up public events; engages the media; is more “friendly” than Pete

Main purpose: To speak for Pete, defend independents in the job, and be engaging

Value: Underscore that Pete is telling the truth, even when his family undermines him

Support 3: Name: Ex-girfriend who lives on the edge

Role: She’s the gray area

Main purpose: She fulfills the role the prosecution blames on Pete (but Pete doesn’t know it)

Value: She nearly takes the house down

Support 4: Name: Office Admin

Role: Rational voice; “mother”; teaches them how to handle things; keeps the records

Main purpose: Provide emotional support / empathy

Value: When the prosecution tries to take her down on the stand, she is magnificent and the jury is crying

Support 5: Name: Judge

</div><div>

Role: The hatchet man

Main purpose: Collaborating with the US Attorney’s office to take down Pete

Value: At first, we look to him to save the day, and he holds us under water; we realize we’re not safe

Support 6: Name: Some family members

</div><div>

Role: To illustrate the family dynamic and put pressure on Pete

Main purpose: Add tension

Value: Cause Pete to make harder and harder decisions

Support 7: Name: Pete’s children

</div><div>

Role: To show the unyielding pressure of the situation, as well as how cool this job is (they’re really good at it)

Main purpose: Add sympathy / empathy

Value: Help Pete to remember what’s important

Support 8: Name: Some staff

</div><div>

Role: Help with investigation, media, and work

Main purpose: Show how dedicated these workers are; show how hard the work is

Value: Illustrate what commitment it takes to do this work

Support 9: Name: Newsman

</div><div>

Role: Recorder, but he makes errors

Main purpose: To eventually report the “secret plea bargain,” which ruins everythingV

alue: To remove the last possible hope for a good outcome

Support 10: Name: Professional photographer

</div><div>

Role: Neutral observer who becomes a fan

Main purpose: Shows the public what’s really happening

Value: Undermines the Antagonist’s (Prosecutor) plans to shut down public awareness

Support 11: Name: Landowner

</div><div>

Role: Catalyst of the whole story

Main purpose: Set the government’s wheels in motion, and to be another bad guy

Value: Underscore Pete’s tendency to believe everyone

Support 12: Name: Jurors

</div><div>

Role: Reveal strengths and weaknesses of the case

Main purpose: Verdict, and then information after the fact

Value: Illustrate “what happened” in the case—and also Bronc’s fatal flaw

Support 13: Name: Gov’t investigators

</div><div>

Role: On the surface, bolster the case; in reality, illustrate government flaws

Main purpose: Testify—and in the process, look like idiots

Value: Underscore Pete’s expertise

Support 14: Name: At least one academic scientist

</div>

Role: To be the brave “turncoat” who supports Pete

Main purpose: Show the difference between lemmings and free-thinkers

Value: Underscore Pete’s expertise

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S CHARACTER PROFILES (PART 2)

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is that the characters are becoming more real to me. The answers are more obvious…. Slowly but surely.

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

PROTAGONIST / PETE THE PALEONTOLOGIST

Journey: (Internal) From selfish and indulgent to selfless, brave, and a role model for others. (External) From a small-town businessman to a world-renowned poster boy for fighting government overreach.

Actor Attractors:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He’s on a hero’s journey—he’s the underdog who takes hold of his life. He’s honorable, vulnerable, and brave. He’s also one of the most controversial people ever in his field, and the subject of a legal case that garnered worldwide attention. It’s Jurassic Park meets My Cousin Vinny.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He’s faced with huge decisions, and also he’s in a very interesting context. He’s an expert in one of the most unusual jobs in the world—but he’s oblivious to human relationships. He goes through a great change, and faces his demons. Also, he avoids confrontation in his day-to-day life, and is a pushover in some situations—and then is faced with a huge dilemma: to give in or fight the government.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Sues the federal government; is willing to reveal anything about his work or life “for the cause”; won’t “split the baby” (re: breaks the rules to help pack the dinosaur that’s being seized, so she will be protected); takes the defense process into his own hands; joins forces with the most wild lawyer (doesn’t take the easy road); makes bold decisions about the case; faces the consequences with good humor and positivity; is willing to lose everything “to do the right thing.”

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He’s the pied piper of a ragtag group, but “upping the ante” by explaining detailed scientific information to them, way above their knowledge base. He’s in two worlds at once, fully at home in the rural Midwest, completely unaware that he’s a total geek—and then he leaves behind a kid at the gas station. Yes, he does go pick him up, but it’s clear that his awareness of every detail of his field is much more developed than his basic awareness of parenting. Or humans.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Funny, witty, goofy…and then righteously angry, incredibly hurt, and sad when he realizes how misunderstood he is. Vulnerable with a few people close to him, and putty in the hands of his kids.

6. What subtext can the actor play? As he fights the “good fight” on the world stage, underneath he is devastated to lose the support of some of his family. His choices are misunderstood; his “way” is misunderstood, and he must soldier on. Also, he just wants to be loved, and he fumbles his relationships with women; he’s great with fossils.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His kinship with the flamboyant lawyer (his total opposite); his relationship with the fossil (the most intimate of his life); and his battle with the Opposition lawyer. (Note: trying to decide if the judge or the lawyer is the primary in the antagonist camp; they are both bad and both have different parts to play in the saga.)

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? By doing “good” for people while seemingly not interested in them; by speaking through science (science is his safety net).

9. What makes this character special and unique? He is the charismatic leader of his group—project-wise, but because of his oblivious nature, opens himself to criticism. He doesn’t know how to manage people, and never wants to argue—but he wants to be right.

ROLE IN THE STORY: Protagonist: Pete is the catalyst of this story, the person willing to say yes to adventure—and no to the government. He puts himself at risk, and while he loses “the love of his life,” he stands up for what is right and becomes the poster boy for his field.

AGE RANGE & DESCRIPTION: Mid-30s, fit from a lifetime of hard work, is disheveled and dusty and totally focused on his work.

TRAITS: Idealistic, genius-smart, driven, independent, follows his own path

MOTIVATION: Want: To be the best in his business, “the poster child for independent collectors.” Need: To be acknowledged by his family as worthy

WOUND: Always told he wasn’t good enough

LIKABILITY/RELATABILITY/EMPATHY:

LIKABILITY: He’s kind, funny, truly interested in what he’s doing; obviously “not in it for the money.”

RELATABILITY: We’ve all felt doubt about our choices; many people feel responsible for others’ livelihoods, and would worry that they’ve put them in danger or a bad position; no one wants the government (or any legal entity) breathing down their necks.

EMPATHY: We’re scared for him; we can imagine what it would be like to be wrongly accused; we want him to win!

CHARACTER SUBTEXT: With the non-confrontational, self-reliant, mediator, “whipping boy” subtext identity, he becomes the smartest and least understood person in his (backstabbing, selfish) family. He turns inward and falls into science—which is taken away. More than once.

CHARACTER INTRIGUE: (“Secret”) An inherently honest person, Pete is afraid that in all the excavations he and his team have made, they might have made a mistake that makes them look dishonest. (“Conspiracy”) Even though he’s not the head of an actual conspiracy, as he’s charged with, it feels like one to defend himself.

FLAW: Self-absorption; is blind to others’ needs

VALUES: Being the best at what you do; honesty; loyalty

CHARACTER DILEMMA: Please himself versus take care of others (this causes him to rationalize decisions and second-guess himself)

ANTAGONIST / SLICK WILLY, ACTING U.S. ATTORNEY

JOURNEY: (Internal) Refuses to have one; (External) From Acting US Attorney to unemployed

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He is conniving and intelligent, but conflicted. His main goal is to get promoted, and he’s picking low-hanging fruit with this action (seizing the fossil). He is unprepared at the public outcry and has to think fast to keep on task—the task being to take down a very beloved person in a small community, who he has made into a martyr.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He’s the driver of the action that everyone keeps asking, “why did he do that?” He’s the sharp end of the stick through which we learn everything about the story.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Seizes the fossil; dolls himself up whenever he might be interviewed; colludes with the judge; agrees to settle, then leaks the settlement (which makes the judge reject it); lies to the press; does the opposite of what he promised to the public; is secretly insecure and outwardly unapologetic (like Trump!).

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Orchestrating the seizure of the world’s most famous T. rex, he makes elaborate plans—for himself, such as wearing pancake makeup for the cameras—but neglects even the most basic provisions for the task at hand—doesn’t bring crates, or plaster, or wood to make crates.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? In public, he’s a one-trick pony; behind closed doors, he rages, is petulant, intimidated, scared, and begs.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He’s a bully with zero self-esteem; he wants to “get ahead,” but pretends he’s helping the public.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His main battle “in the ring” is with the flamboyant defense lawyer; he also relies on other lawyers in his office. He also has to face the protagonist, and manipulate the judge.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He’s the guy with the connections in government circles. His bravado and “believe me, I know what’s happening behind the scenes” innuendos cover his hidden insecurities.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He’s smart, which helps his goal—but he’s relying on bluster and supposition to make his case. He doesn’t know what he’s up against.

ROLE IN THE STORY: Antagonist: He sees an opportunity to “kill off” someone in a high-profile way so as to advance his own career. He doesn’t care about the science, the fossil, or the truth.

AGE RANGE & DESCRIPTION: Mid-30s, stuffed shirt, looks like he hasn’t breathed in a year.

TRAITS: Thinks he’s smarter than he is, smarmy, manipulative, self-serving

MOTIVATION: Want: To march up the ranks. Need: To be important.

WOUND: Didn’t make the grade for a better posting; forever seeking greener grass.

LIKABILITY/RELATABILITY/EMPATHY:

LIKABILITY: He’s clever enough to have figured this out; he’s eager, like a geeky kid going to prom.

RELATABILITY: We can imagine seeing a huge “possibility,” and weighing the ethics of possibly hurting someone in the process of going for it.

EMPATHY: It’s hard to be the uncool kid, always left behind; he wants to be successful.

CHARACTER SUBTEXT: The prosecuting attorney with both an inferiority complex and “all the power” manipulates a bad case into existence because he wants to be promoted.

CHARACTER INTRIGUE: Many of the intrigue elements are at work here—hidden agenda, competition, deception—all of which are fueled by his wound of not being good enough. They are expressed in a major secret, that he knows Pete is innocent, and an actual conspiracy with the judge, to convict Pete anyway.

FLAW: Weak

VALUES: Winning (at all costs)

CHARACTER DILEMMA: Winner versus loser

PROTAGONIST’S SIDE-KICK / BRONC, DEFENSE ATTORNEY

JOURNEY: (Internal) From insecure blowhard to brother; (External) From cocky, bulletproof showboat to passionate believer

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He’s flamboyant, the smartest person in the room, cocky, and arrogant. All of this leads to daring exploits that bite him in the ass. But mostly, they work.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He’s willing to go head-to-head with anyone brave enough to come up against him. He vacillates from being insensitive and rude to amazingly present. He also has a great habit of summarizing complex situations into very simple, irresistible arguments.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Guides the Protagonist through absolutely uncharted waters—and becomes like a brother to him at the same time. Sometimes he gives great advice. Other times…he bites off more than he can chew, or over-estimates his charms.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? It’s the first of the scary moments for the Protagonist—during the seizure. It’s total chaos, and Bronc arrives like a knight in shining armor, blasting everyone out of the way, soothing fears, and making us think that everything just might be okay.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? He’s loud and charismatic, quiet and charming, earnest, unsure. He laughs (mostly at his own jokes), cries, and is totally committed.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He’s totally committed to his clients, so much so that he almost stops sleeping so he can cram as much information as possible into his very smart brain. Sometimes his actual commitment gets fogged by arrogance; sometimes his decisions are confused by self-promotion. Let’s face it; he’s a narcissist, which makes “service” a conundrum.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? He matches wits (and wins) against the prosecution; he merges with his client; he competes with his co-defending “team.”

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? There’s no one like him. He’s got a little of Ulysses Everett McGill in Oh, Brother, but with a lot more ammo.

9. What makes this character special and unique? Almost too much, but someone you definitely want on your side. Saying yes to hiring him is not the safe route.

ROLE IN THE STORY: The sharp end of the stick. Bronc loves the underdog, and the bright lights that shine on the underdog’s defender. But In this case, he becomes hooked.

AGE RANGE & DESCRIPTION: About 50, ex-athlete, rangy and confident.

CORE TRAITS: Intense, smartest guy in the room (even if he’s not), competitive, daring

MOTIVATION / WANT&NEED: Want: To save the world; Need: to be praised for saving the world.

WOUND: As the eldest in a long line of sons and star athletes, and the son of one his state’s most famous attorneys, he had it beaten into him that he must be the best, the bravest, and the most, at all costs. Losing is never an option.

LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY

LIKABILITY: He’s funny and smart, and defends our hero with passion. We want him on our side.

RELATABILITY: We all want to be the guy who fights the good fight.

EMPATHY: We see his underbelly, and that he’s scared. We can imagine what it’s like to hold someone else’s life in your hands.

CHARACTER SUBTEXT: A secretly insecure, outwardly grandstanding, narcissistic lawyer flaunts his own perceived power by throwing his weight behind the naïve and honest subject of the biggest criminal trial ever in paleontology.

CHARACTER INTRIGUE: At first, Bronc took the case because he wants to win the most controversial case in the state’s history. All he knows how to do is compete, and sometimes that requires deception. However, as the relationship develops, he realizes he actually needs to be Superman.

FLAW: Over-confidence

VALUES: Intelligence, being acknowledged

CHARACTER DILEMMA: Wanting external admiration versus loving yourself (and making real “relationship” decisions)

KELLY / PROTAGONIST LOVE INTEREST

JOURNEY: (Internal) From non-committal observer to someone willing to take a risk. (External) From neutral journalist someone with a passionate opinion, willing to see the gray in life.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? She’s in a pickle. She arrives as a friend of the underdogs—to research them for a story—and falls in love with her subject. But she doesn’t play the wimp. She keeps reporting and investigating, while also supporting the team. She’s no pushover; she’s not just “the girlfriend.” She uncovers important information and keeps Bronc in line.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? She’s the only one both Pete (protagonist) and Bronc (defense attorney) eventually can trust to see the whole picture. She also has one foot in and one foot out, having lived there and then moved away for the big city. She’s neither fish nor fowl, and people don’t know what her motivations are.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She changes her life in a matter of weeks, moving back from LA to live in rural America; she puts herself in the middle of a romantic dilemma (falling in love with her subject); she braves difficult moments, and counsels the protagonist and his family in the ways of the world.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She’s in LA working at a TV show, and the protagonist calls her to help get media coverage on the national level. She takes a sabbatical, packs up, and goes back home to investigate.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? As a smart woman, she begins with compassion and empathy, mixed with curiosity. She begins by not knowing “if there’s smoke, is there fire?” Through the story, once she knows they’re innocent, she cries with the family, goes head-to-head with lawyers and others, and becomes an advocate.

6. What subtext can the actor play? She’s very conflicted. At first, in interviewing and “finding the story,” she’s trying to discover if her old friends broke the law. Once she knows they didn’t, she’s stuck between journalistic integrity and falling in love. She’s also worried about the kids in the family, who are gobsmacked by the situation.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With the protagonist (friend and eventual lover); defense lawyer (who suspects her motives, and then comes to trust her).

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She’s the calm, reasonable one—always analyzing and helping soothe nerves. No matter how freaked she might actually be.

9. What makes this character special and unique? She’s the only one who can “see what the public might see.” Lawyers ask her “how does this look,” or “what is the public getting from this?” She’s the canary in the coal mine, their link to the outside world.

ROLE IN STORY: Possibly the narrator, but at least the person who makes sense of a lot of confusing elements. She has to “sort everything out”—which helps Pete, the case, the lawyers, and the audience.

CORE TRAITS: Curious, brave, straight-talking, compassionate

MOTIVATION / WANT & NEED: Want: Goes from telling a good story into helping a good person. Need: To have someone (maybe even herself) see her as a whole person.

WOUND: Taken advantage of by everyone in the family; used for her good nature. She’s slow to trust and can even be calculating.

LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY

LIKABILITY: She obviously likes to help, and people respond to this.

RELATABILITY: People can relate to the idea that a “thing” doesn’t turn out as you imagined.

EMPATHY: We can feel for her, understanding the tight spot she’s gotten herself into.

CHARACTER SUBTEXT: The codependent people-pleaser finds herself in a position where no matter what she does, she will displease someone—and possibly violate her own ethics.

CHARACTER INTRIGUE: Her Secret is that she’s falling for her subject, and she works extra hard to be objective—which sometimes requires Deception when interviewing “the other side.” She really can be objective, and see Pete’s foibles, so she uses her Secret Identity—“could be a lawyer”—to help her through.

FLAW: Insecure / worries she’s a fraud

VALUES: Sacrifice

CHARACTER DILEMMA: Doing what’s expected versus expressing yourself

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S CHARACTER PROFILES PART 1

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is that I’m recognizing that with each assignment, I’m “in it.” But when I back out and grab information from past assignments to stack information together, I realize there are thousands of details. They’re all so important, but I’m worried I’m going to forget them. I know that this process is meant to help me NOT forget them… but that’s what I learned. I learned that I see the scaffold I’m making, and how important each step really is.

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

PROTAGONIST / PETE THE PALEONTOLOGIST

JOURNEY: (Internal) From selfish and indulgent to selfless, brave, and a role model for others. (External) From a small-town businessman to a world-renowned poster boy for fighting government overreach.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He’s on a hero’s journey—he’s the underdog who takes hold of his life. He’s honorable, vulnerable, and brave. He’s also one of the most controversial people ever in his field, and the subject of a legal case that garnered worldwide attention. It’s Jurassic Park meets My Cousin Vinny.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He’s faced with huge decisions, and also he’s in a very interesting context. He’s an expert in one of the most unusual jobs in the world—but he’s oblivious to human relationships. He goes through a great change, and faces his demons. Also, he avoids confrontation in his day-to-day life, and is a pushover in some situations—and then is faced with a huge dilemma: to give in or fight the government.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Sues the federal government; is willing to reveal anything about his work or life “for the cause”; won’t “split the baby” (re: breaks the rules to help pack the dinosaur that’s being seized, so she will be protected); takes the defense process into his own hands; joins forces with the most wild lawyer (doesn’t take the easy road); makes bold decisions about the case; faces the consequences with good humor and positivity; is willing to lose everything “to do the right thing.”

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He’s the pied piper of a ragtag group, but “upping the ante” by explaining detailed scientific information to them, way above their knowledge base. He’s in two worlds at once, fully at home in the rural Midwest, completely unaware that he’s a total geek—and then he leaves behind a kid at the gas station. Yes, he does go pick him up, but it’s clear that his awareness of every detail of his field is much more developed than his basic awareness of parenting. Or humans.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Funny, witty, goofy…and then righteously angry, incredibly hurt, and sad when he realizes how misunderstood he is. Vulnerable with a few people close to him, and putty in the hands of his kids.

6. What subtext can the actor play? As he fights the “good fight” on the world stage, underneath he is devastated to lose the support of some of his family. His choices are misunderstood; his “way” is misunderstood, and he must soldier on. Also, he just wants to be loved, and he fumbles his relationships with women; he’s great with fossils.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His kinship with the flamboyant lawyer (his total opposite); his relationship with the fossil (the most intimate of his life); and his battle with the Opposition lawyer. (Note: trying to decide if the judge or the lawyer is the primary in the antagonist camp; they are both bad and both have different parts to play in the saga.)

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? By doing “good” for people while seemingly not interested in them; by speaking through science (science is his safety net).

9. What makes this character special and unique? He is the charismatic leader of his group—project-wise, but because of his oblivious nature, opens himself to criticism. He doesn’t know how to manage people, and never wants to argue—but he wants to be right.

ROLE IN THE STORY: Protagonist: Pete is the catalyst of this story, the person willing to say yes to adventure—and no to the government. He puts himself at risk, and while he loses “the love of his life,” he stands up for what is right and becomes the poster boy for his field.

AGE RANGE & DESCRIPTION: Mid-30s, fit from a lifetime of hard work, is disheveled and dusty and totally focused on his work.

TRAITS: Idealistic, genius-smart, driven, independent, follows his own path

MOTIVATION: Want: To be the best in his business, “the poster child for independent collectors.” Need: To be acknowledged by his family as worthy

WOUND: Always told he wasn’t good enough

LIKABILITY/RELATABILITY/EMPATHY:

LIKABILITY: He’s kind, funny, truly interested in what he’s doing; obviously “not in it for the money.”

RELATABILITY: We’ve all felt doubt about our choices; many people feel responsible for others’ livelihoods, and would worry that they’ve put them in danger or a bad position; no one wants the government (or any legal entity) breathing down their necks.

EMPATHY: We’re scared for him; we can imagine what it would be like to be wrongly accused; we want him to win!

ANTAGONIST / SLICK WILLY, ACTING U.S. ATTORNEY

JOURNEY: (Internal) Refuses to have one; (External) From Acting US Attorney to unemployed

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He is conniving and intelligent, but conflicted. His main goal is to get promoted, and he’s picking low-hanging fruit with this action (seizing the fossil). He is unprepared at the public outcry and has to think fast to keep on task—the task being to take down a very beloved person in a small community, who he has made into a martyr.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He’s the driver of the action that everyone keeps asking, “why did he do that?” He’s the sharp end of the stick through which we learn everything about the story.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Seizes the fossil; dolls himself up whenever he might be interviewed; colludes with the judge; agrees to settle, then leaks the settlement (which makes the judge reject it); lies to the press; does the opposite of what he promised to the public; is secretly insecure and outwardly unapologetic (like Trump!).

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Orchestrating the seizure of the world’s most famous T. rex, he makes elaborate plans—for himself, such as wearing pancake makeup for the cameras—but neglects even the most basic provisions for the task at hand—doesn’t bring crates, or plaster, or wood to make crates.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? In public, he’s a one-trick pony; behind closed doors, he rages, is petulant, intimidated, scared, and begs.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He’s a bully with zero self-esteem; he wants to “get ahead,” but pretends he’s helping the public.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His main battle “in the ring” is with the flamboyant defense lawyer; he also relies on other lawyers in his office. He also has to face the protagonist, and manipulate the judge.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He’s the guy with the connections in government circles. His bravado and “believe me, I know what’s happening behind the scenes” innuendos cover his hidden insecurities.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He’s smart, which helps his goal—but he’s relying on bluster and supposition to make his case. He doesn’t know what he’s up against.

ROLE IN THE STORY: Antagonist: He sees an opportunity to “kill off” someone in a high-profile way so as to advance his own career. He doesn’t care about the science, the fossil, or the truth.

AGE RANGE & DESCRIPTION: Mid-30s, stuffed shirt, looks like he hasn’t breathed in a year.

TRAITS: Thinks he’s smarter than he is, smarmy, manipulative, self-serving

MOTIVATION: Want: To march up the ranks. Need: To be important.

WOUND: Didn’t make the grade for a better posting; forever seeking greener grass.

LIKABILITY/RELATABILITY/EMPATHY:

LIKABILITY: He’s clever enough to have figured this out; he’s eager, like a geeky kid going to prom.

RELATABILITY: We can imagine seeing a huge “possibility,” and weighing the ethics of possibly hurting someone in the process of going for it.

EMPATHY: It’s hard to be the uncool kid, always left behind; he wants to be successful.

PROTAGONIST’S SIDE-KICK / BRONC, DEFENSE ATTORNEY

JOURNEY: (Internal) From insecure blowhard to brother; (External) From cocky, bulletproof showboat to passionate believer

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He’s flamboyant, the smartest person in the room, cocky, and arrogant. All of this leads to daring exploits that bite him in the ass. But mostly, they work.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He’s willing to go head-to-head with anyone brave enough to come up against him. He vacillates from being insensitive and rude to amazingly present. He also has a great habit of summarizing complex situations into very simple, irresistible arguments.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Guides the Protagonist through absolutely uncharted waters—and becomes like a brother to him at the same time. Sometimes he gives great advice. Other times…he bites off more than he can chew, or over-estimates his charms.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? It’s the first of the scary moments for the Protagonist—during the seizure. It’s total chaos, and Bronc arrives like a knight in shining armor, blasting everyone out of the way, soothing fears, and making us think that everything just might be okay.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? He’s loud and charismatic, quiet and charming, earnest, unsure. He laughs (mostly at his own jokes), cries, and is totally committed.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He’s totally committed to his clients, so much so that he almost stops sleeping so he can cram as much information as possible into his very smart brain. Sometimes his actual commitment gets fogged by arrogance; sometimes his decisions are confused by self-promotion. Let’s face it; he’s a narcissist, which makes “service” a conundrum.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? He matches wits (and wins) against the prosecution; he merges with his client; he competes with his co-defending “team.”

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? There’s no one like him. He’s got a little of Ulysses Everett McGill in Oh, Brother, but with a lot more ammo.

9. What makes this character special and unique? Almost too much, but someone you definitely want on your side. Saying yes to hiring him is not the safe route.

ROLE IN THE STORY: The sharp end of the stick. Bronc loves the underdog, and the bright lights that shine on the underdog’s defender. But In this case, he becomes hooked.

AGE RANGE & DESCRIPTION: About 50, ex-athlete, rangy and confident.

CORE TRAITS: Intense, smartest guy in the room (even if he’s not), competitive, daring

MOTIVATION / WANT&NEED: Want: To save the world; Need: to be praised for saving the world.

WOUND: As the eldest in a long line of sons and star athletes, and the son of one his state’s most famous attorneys, he had it beaten into him that he must be the best, the bravest, and the most, at all costs. Losing is never an option.

LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY

LIKABILITY: He’s funny and smart, and defends our hero with passion. We want him on our side.

RELATABILITY: We all want to be the guy who fights the good fight.

EMPATHY: We see his underbelly, and that he’s scared. We can imagine what it’s like to hold someone else’s life in your hands.

KELLY / PROTAGONIST LOVE INTEREST

JOURNEY: (Internal) From non-committal observer to someone willing to take a risk. (External) From neutral journalist someone with a passionate opinion, willing to see the gray in life.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS:

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? She’s in a pickle. She arrives as a friend of the underdogs—to research them for a story—and falls in love with her subject. But she doesn’t play the wimp. She keeps reporting and investigating, while also supporting the team. She’s no pushover; she’s not just “the girlfriend.” She uncovers important information and keeps Bronc in line.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? She’s the only one both Pete (protagonist) and Bronc (defense attorney) eventually can trust to see the whole picture. She also has one foot in and one foot out, having lived there and then moved away for the big city. She’s neither fish nor fowl, and people don’t know what her motivations are.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She changes her life in a matter of weeks, moving back from LA to live in rural America; she puts herself in the middle of a romantic dilemma (falling in love with her subject); she braves difficult moments, and counsels the protagonist and his family in the ways of the world.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She’s in LA working at a TV show, and the protagonist calls her to help get media coverage on the national level. She takes a sabbatical, packs up, and goes back home to investigate.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? As a smart woman, she begins with compassion and empathy, mixed with curiosity. She begins by not knowing “if there’s smoke, is there fire?” Through the story, once she knows they’re innocent, she cries with the family, goes head-to-head with lawyers and others, and becomes an advocate.

6. What subtext can the actor play? She’s very conflicted. At first, in interviewing and “finding the story,” she’s trying to discover if her old friends broke the law. Once she knows they didn’t, she’s stuck between journalistic integrity and falling in love. She’s also worried about the kids in the family, who are gobsmacked by the situation.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With the protagonist (friend and eventual lover); defense lawyer (who suspects her motives, and then comes to trust her).

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She’s the calm, reasonable one—always analyzing and helping soothe nerves. No matter how freaked she might actually be.

9. What makes this character special and unique? She’s the only one who can “see what the public might see.” Lawyers ask her “how does this look,” or “what is the public getting from this?” She’s the canary in the coal mine, their link to the outside world.

ROLE IN STORY: Possibly the narrator, but at least the person who makes sense of a lot of confusing elements. She has to “sort everything out”—which helps Pete, the case, the lawyers, and the audience.

CORE TRAITS: Curious, brave, straight-talking, compassionate

MOTIVATION / WANT & NEED: Want: Goes from telling a good story into helping a good person. Need: To have someone (maybe even herself) see her as a whole person.

WOUND: Taken advantage of by everyone in the family; used for her good nature. She’s slow to trust and can even be calculating.

LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY

LIKABILITY: She obviously likes to help, and people respond to this.

RELATABILITY: People can relate to the idea that a “thing” doesn’t turn out as you imagined.

EMPATHY: We can feel for her, understanding the tight spot she’s gotten herself into.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S LIKABILITY/RELATABILITY/EMPATHY

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment: It’s so much easier to see the protagonist in 3 dimensions and have the antagonist be “just the asshole” in the movie. You’re right…MUCH more interesting to have the antagonist a worthy adversary.

Protagonist / PETE:

LIKABILITY: He’s kind, funny, truly interested in what he’s doing; obviously “not in it for the money.”

RELATABILITY: We’ve all felt doubt about our choices; many people feel responsible for others’ livelihoods, and would worry that they’ve put them in danger or a bad position; no one wants the government (or any legal entity) breathing down their necks.

EMPATHY: We’re scared for him; we can imagine what it would be like to be wrongly accused; we want him to win!

Antagonist / SLICK WILLY:

LIKABILITY: He’s clever enough to have figured this out; he’s eager, like a geeky kid going to prom.

RELATABILITY: We can imagine seeing a huge “possibility,” and weighing the ethics of possibly hurting someone in the process of going for it.

EMPATHY: It’s hard to be the uncool kid, always left behind; he wants to be successful.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S CHARACTER INTRIGUE

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment: The various types of intrigue seem to play into and against one another. So by identifying one, you shade the next one (for example, if you know X is a lie = secret, then you might have to pretend the lie is true = deception). As usual in these assignments, I learned that it is helpful to name the thing floating under the surface of my awareness. Putting these aspects out in front makes them available to work with!

Character Name: PETE

Role: PROTAGONIST

SECRETS: Pete is an honest, transparent person who is being accused of some very bad, intentional stuff. His secret is that he knows people are not perfect—and his work involves thousands of miles of territories, thousands of locations. His secret FEAR is: what if I made a terrible mistake, and it looks like I did this stuff?

HIDDEN AGENDAS: To be the best. He’s actually willing to face the big guns if it helps him make his point.

CONSPIRACIES: He’s been accused of an illegal conspiracy, but he FEELS as if he’s in an actual conspiracy as he plots his defense. It’s an “honest” one, but it feels “tainted.”

These three work together. He’s afraid that too much investigation might uncover some bad errors that make him look deceitful. So, as he, his lawyer, and the journalist march forward through the details, this subtext might impact HOW he goes forward. Maybe he wants to avoid details; maybe he hyper-focuses on any “good outcomes”; maybe he confesses his fears to the journalist; maybe, since he wants to be the best, he recasts [XX activities] to help him “look good.” Which is manipulative and desperate, instead of “honest and transparent.” All of that feels like a “conspiracy to prove the truth.”

UNSPOKEN WOUND: Since he grew up in a ranching family, everyone worked hard and did chores. However, Pete was always different. Smarter, geekier, not from their planet. His parents rejected him; his siblings didn’t relate to them. Now, no matter how hard he works in this elite scientific field, they will never accept him. They say, “you think you’re too good for us,” but he never did.

COMPETITION: If he’s honest, there does remain a tad bit of competition with his brother / business partner—who has always cut him down, while still relying on him.

These two make him feel “less than,” and also make him want to win all the more. He wants to prove himself, for good reasons and petty ones.

Character Name: SLICK WILLY

Role: ANTAGONIST / Government attorney

HIDDEN AGENDAS: He’s using this case—and someone’s life and livelihood—for his own betterment.

COMPETITION: He’s in a competition with others to get a promotion; wants to make a big impression.

CONSPIRACIES: While alleging that the protagonist group is in a conspiracy, actually this lawyer is in one with the judge.

SECRETS: In his heart of hearts, he knows the Protagonist is not guilty. Maybe part of the secret is that he hopes Pete is guilty so that all this is “for the good.”

DECEPTION: Based on the secret above, he has to continue this long and involved case, hoping he’ll win anyway.

UNSPOKEN WOUND: Never picked at kickball; he believes he has to manipulate to succeed.

SECRET IDENTITY: Wishes someone saw him as Superman, but the best he can do is fake it.

This flim-flam guy is willing to run over someone with a bus if it helps him to advance in his political career. He’ll tell himself whatever he has to, believe whatever stories necessary, to make his point. All of these hidden agendas / secrets / wounds might make him more defensive, shrill, and desperate than he otherwise would be. He’s like a little kid in a Halloween costume, wishing himself to really “be somebody.”

Character Name: BRONC

Role: Pete’s attorney

HIDDEN AGENDAS: He always, always wants to prove that he’s the smartest guy in the room; he took this case with such relish because it is the most complex and controversial case in the state’s history.

COMPETITION: He’s in a competition with all lawyers, all the time. He’s in a competition with anyone he’s talking to.

DECEPTION: He believes that deception is part of the game. You craft the case you want to tell.

UNSPOKEN WOUND: As great a competitor as he was in youth (all sports), he was never as good as his father. Father was a real champion, and a really, really amazing lawyer with a huge heart. Bronc will never live up to (or beat, which is what he really wants) Dad’s record.

SECRET IDENTITY: He doesn’t WISH someone saw him as Superman; he KNOWS he is Superman.

All of this can lead Bronc down some dangerous paths—and the fire he’s playing with will burn down his client’s house, not his own. He’ll always play to win; he’ll never be conservative; he’ll always assume he’s right. And when he’s wrong…he doesn’t have a game plan. Becaues being wrong is not an option.

Character Name: KELLY

Role: JOURNALIST / LOVE INTEREST

SECRETS: She’s embarrassed that she’s falling for her subject; so she works extra hard to be as objective as possible. Also, outside of the case, she’s insecure about herself in general. What is she DOING in this life, anyway?

DECEPTION: Not everyone knows she’s dating the protagonist, so she doesn’t necessarily reveal this fact. Sometimes she interviews people “on the other side,” and simply acts like a professional. She really IS one, but she wonders if she’s graying the line of ethics.

UNSPOKEN WOUND: She’s an enabler, and she’s always choosing the wrong people. Is this just a T. rex-sized case of that, or this really the right guy?

SECRET IDENTITY: When she’s “on the job,” she really is willing to see Pete’s foibles and errors. But when she’s doing research or in court, she uses her mad skills to take notes and make observations. Many people in the case say “you could have been a lawyer.” Her secret identity is as a legal / research expert.

These areas of subtext allow for uncertainty, self-doubt, eggshelling, and other methods of self-sabotage. She’s not just barreling in, full of confidence. She’s double-checking and second-guessing all the time. Makes for an ulcer.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S SUBTEXT CHARACTERS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment: It was fun to consider the subtext as similar to personality disorders or traumas or something—the things that operate in the background of people every day. I have a counseling background, and I had never thought of subtext in this exact way—I mean, in this context of making a simple and transparent structure where the “hidden thing” is so clearly drawn. Cool.’

Example movie—character with the most subtext:

Movie Title: Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?

Character Name: Ulysses Everett McGill

Subtext Identity: A small-time guy who wants to be respectable, and respected, lawyer.

Subtext Trait: Smooth talker, tries to act smart

Subtext Logline: Ulysses is in jail for practicing law without a license, but he wants more than anything for his wife to take him back; and she doesn’t fall for his shit.

Possible Areas of Subtext: The escape; trying to get to the wife before she marries someone else; navigating all the obstacles (bad guys, cops, KKK); interactions with wife.

My two leads:

Character Name: PETE (Protagonist)<div>

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subtext Identity: Whipping Boy

<div>

Subtext Traits: non-confrontational; self-reliant; mediator (which comes out as “bossy” or “know-it-all”)

Subtext Logline: As the smartest and least understood person in his (backstabbing, selfish) family, he turns inward and falls into science—which is taken away. More than once.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Thrust into the limelight for the worst reasons; having to choose sides; having to fight, fight, fight; having to face the accusations of the prosecution, people in the public who don’t pay attention, and eventually his own family. Also, having to learn that he actually is “okay,” and he can win without betraying his own morals.

Character Name: SLICK WILLY (prosecutor)

Subtext Identity: Prosecuting attorney with an inferiority complex.

Subtext Traits: Bullies, threatens, manipulates

Subtext Logline: The prosecuting attorney “with all the power” manipulates a bad case into existence because he wants to be promoted.

Possible Areas of Subtext: The initial seizure, and talking the judge into allowing it; exaggerating the scope of the case to make it more important in the press; how he handles the case throughout.

</div></div>

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S ACTOR ATTRACTORS!

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED from this assignment: I feel as if my answers might be a little rocky, but I learned that I actually “know” the answers. I always have a fear that I’m not going deep enough in the right places, but this helped me know I’m okay. This exercise also helped me decide who my main antagonist is (I have 2 to choose from).

ACTOR ATTRACTORS — PROTAGONIST (paleontologist)

Lead Character Name: Pete

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He’s on a hero’s journey—he’s the underdog who takes hold of his life. He’s honorable, vulnerable, and brave. He’s also one of the most controversial people ever in his field, and the subject of a legal case that garnered worldwide attention. It’s <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Jurassic Park meets <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>My Cousin Vinny.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He’s faced with huge decisions, and also he’s in a very interesting context. He’s an expert in one of the most unusual jobs in the world—but he’s oblivious to human relationships. He goes through a great change, and faces his demons. Also, he avoids confrontation in his day-to-day life, and is a pushover in some situations—and then is faced with a huge dilemma: to give in or fight the government.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Sues the federal government; is willing to reveal anything about his work or life “for the cause”; won’t “split the baby” (re: breaks the rules to help pack the dinosaur that’s being seized, so she will be protected); takes the defense process into his own hands; joins forces with the most wild lawyer (doesn’t take the easy road); makes bold decisions about the case; faces the consequences with good humor and positivity; is willing to lose everything “to do the right thing.”

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? He’s the pied piper of a ragtag group, but “upping the ante” by explaining detailed scientific information to them, way above their knowledge base. He’s in two worlds at once, fully at home in the rural Midwest, completely unaware that he’s a total geek—and then he leaves behind a kid at the gas station. Yes, he does go pick him up, but it’s clear that his awareness of every detail of his field is much more developed than his basic awareness of parenting. Or humans.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Funny, witty, goofy…and then righteously angry, incredibly hurt, and sad when he realizes how misunderstood he is. Vulnerable with a few people close to him, and putty in the hands of his kids.

6. What subtext can the actor play? As he fights the “good fight” on the world stage, underneath he is devastated to lose the support of some of his family. His choices are misunderstood; his “way” is misunderstood, and he must soldier on. Also, he just wants to be loved, and he fumbles his relationships with women; he’s great with fossils.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His kinship with the flamboyant lawyer (his total opposite); his relationship with the fossil (the most intimate of his life); and his battle with the Opposition lawyer. (Note: trying to decide if the judge or the lawyer is the primary in the antagonist camp; they are both bad and both have different parts to play in the saga.)

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? By doing “good” for people while seemingly not interested in them; by speaking through science (science is his safety net).

9. What makes this character special and unique? He is the charismatic leader of his group—project-wise, but because of his oblivious nature, opens himself to criticism. He doesn’t know how to <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>manage people, and never wants to argue—but he wants to be right.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS — SIDE-KICK (defense attorney)

Lead Character Name: Bronc

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He’s flamboyant, the smartest person in the room, cocky, and arrogant. All of this leads to daring exploits that bite him in the ass. But mostly, they work.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He’s willing to go head-to-head with anyone brave enough to come up against him. He vacillates from being insensitive and rude to amazingly present. He also has a great habit of summarizing complex situations into very simple, irresistible arguments.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Guides the Protagonist through absolutely uncharted waters—and becomes like a brother to him at the same time. Sometimes he gives great advice. Other times…he bites off more than he can chew, or over-estimates his charms.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? It’s the first of the scary moments for the Protagonist—during the seizure. It’s total chaos, and Bronc arrives like a knight in shining armor, blasting everyone out of the way, soothing fears, and making us think that everything just might be okay.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? He’s loud and charismatic, quiet and charming, earnest, unsure. He laughs (mostly at his own jokes), cries, and is totally committed.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He’s totally committed to his clients, so much so that he almost stops sleeping so he can cram as much information as possible into his very smart brain. Sometimes his actual commitment gets fogged by arrogance; sometimes his decisions are confused by self-promotion. Let’s face it; he’s a narcissist, which makes “service” a conundrum.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? He matches wits (and wins) against the prosecution; he merges with his client; he competes with his co-defending “team.”

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? There’s no one like him. He’s got a little of Ulysses Everett McGill in <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Oh, Brother, but with a lot more ammo.

9. What makes this character special and unique? Almost too much, but someone you definitely want on your side. Saying yes to hiring him is not the safe route.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS — ANTAGONIST (government lawyer)

Lead Character Name: Slick Willy

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? He is conniving and intelligent, but conflicted. His main goal is to get promoted, and he’s picking low-hanging fruit with this action (seizing the fossil). He is unprepared at the public outcry and has to think fast to keep on task—the task being to take down a very beloved person in a small community, who he has made into a martyr.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? He’s the driver of the action that everyone keeps asking, “why did he do that?” He’s the sharp end of the stick through which we learn everything about the story.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Seizes the fossil; dolls himself up whenever he might be interviewed; colludes with the judge; agrees to settle, then leaks the settlement (which makes the judge reject it); lies to the press; does the opposite of what he promised to the public; is secretly insecure and outwardly unapologetic (like Trump!).

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Orchestrating the seizure of the world’s most famous T. rex, he makes elaborate plans—for himself, such as wearing pancake makeup for the cameras—but neglects even the most basic provisions for the task at hand—doesn’t bring crates, or plaster, or wood to make crates.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? In public, he’s a one-trick pony; behind closed doors, he rages, is petulant, intimidated, scared, and begs.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He’s a bully with zero self-esteem; he wants to “get ahead,” but pretends he’s helping the public.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? His main battle “in the ring” is with the flamboyant defense lawyer; he also relies on other lawyers in his office. He also has to face the protagonist, and manipulate the judge.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? He’s the guy with the connections in government circles. His bravado and “believe me, I know what’s happening behind the scenes” innuendos cover his hidden insecurities.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He’s smart, which helps his goal—but he’s relying on bluster and supposition to make his case. He doesn’t know what he’s up against.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS — PROTAGONIST LOVE INTEREST

Lead Character Name: Kelly

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? She’s in a pickle. She arrives as a friend of the underdogs—to research them for a story—and falls in love with her subject. But she doesn’t play the wimp. She keeps reporting and investigating, while also supporting the team. She’s no pushover; she’s not just “the girlfriend.” She uncovers important information and keeps Bronc in line.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? She’s the only one both Pete (protagonist) and Bronc (defense attorney) eventually can trust to see the whole picture. She also has one foot in and one foot out, having lived there and then moved away for the big city. She’s neither fish nor fowl, and people don’t know what her motivations are.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She changes her life in a matter of weeks, moving back from LA to live in rural America; she puts herself in the middle of a romantic dilemma (falling in love with her subject); she braves difficult moments, and counsels the protagonist and his family in the ways of the world.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? She’s in LA working at a TV show, and the protagonist calls her to help get media coverage on the national level. She takes a sabbatical, packs up, and goes back home to investigate.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? As a smart woman, she begins with compassion and empathy, mixed with curiosity. She begins by not knowing “if there’s smoke, is there fire?” Through the story, once she knows they’re innocent, she cries with the family, goes head-to-head with lawyers and others, and becomes an advocate.

6. What subtext can the actor play? She’s very conflicted. At first, in interviewing and “finding the story,” she’s trying to discover if her old friends broke the law. Once she knows they didn’t, she’s stuck between journalistic integrity and falling in love. She’s also worried about the kids in the family, who are gobsmacked by the situation.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? With the protagonist (friend and eventual lover); defense lawyer (who suspects her motives, and then comes to trust her).

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She’s the calm, reasonable one—always analyzing and helping soothe nerves. No matter how freaked she might actually be.

9. What makes this character special and unique? She’s the only one who can “see what the public might see.” Lawyers ask her “how does this look,” or “what is the public getting from this?” She’s the canary in the coal mine, their link to the outside world.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S ACTOR ATTRACTORS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: It’s fun but a bit more challenging than I thought. I realize I assume a lot—that is, when watching a great actor doing something, I “feel” it all, and can describe the dynamics, but labeling it analytically and enumerating the aspects required a bit more thought than I anticipated.

Movie Title: OH, BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?

NOTE: In this film, I chose just Ulysses, because he is by far the biggest driver. The other ensemble characters (his chain-gang partners) are more unidimensional.

Lead Character Name: Ulysses Everett McGill

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

He is both clever and naïve, and his dialog is articulate and in direct contrast to everyone he’s around. His schooling and attitude are hilariously out of sync with everyone else, and he’s also daring (and in love) enough to risk everything for his wife. He is endearing and we cheer for him.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

His drive and creativity. His leadership is also impressive. He has a mixture of used-car-salesman and old-time-crooner that makes him irresistible and indefatigable.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Orchestrating the escape; convincing his chained partners to do his bidding; thinking on his feet in general; falling for the sirens; constantly worrying about his hair; saying stuff that is so “above” his compatriots’ knowledge, and not learning from that; being driven by true love; having true talent and willing to use it.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

That opening scene is vintage. The lines to the dudes riding the train are the first spoken words, I think (“Any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin’?) This dialog cements our guy immediately. The next revealing thing is what he says a moment later when challenged by the others, who ask why they should follow his lead. “I figured it whould be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain’t the consensus view, then hell, let’s put it to a vote.”

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

He’s crafty and always trying to get back to his wife, but he shows fear occasionally. He also challenges authority, and is brave. I wouldn’t say he gets awfully angry; he’s too contained for that.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

In this case, our guy is full of subtext (wants his family back), but holds that card close to his vest. His outward persona is all about “sales,” getting people to do what he wants for a fictitious fortune. Inside, he’s just a mushpot willing to do whatever it takes to win back his wife.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

The funniest are with his chain-gang compatriots, but the most interesting is with his wife. She’s the only one he cares about, and she obviously loves him—but is torturing him so that he will “heel.”

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Through his observational skills, and his BS. He is manipulating everyone in his environment, constantly evaluating, looking for what he needs to succeed. But the “voice” comes through the endless lines of dialog. He’s a BS factory.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

It’s the way he uses language, and his naivete in pursuing his wife. When the BS is stripped away, he’s just a boy who loves a girl—but he faces the world with bravado, and Dapper Dan.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

The opening scene, described above, is extremely iconic. The scene in the restaurant, where Big Dan T. sets his sights on him. Ulysses remains naïve here, “I don’t get it, Big Dan.”

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S GENRE CONVENTIONS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED during this assignment is that it was hard to distinguish between making outline signposts and “filling in details.” Because I know the story and characters, I kept tending to get into the weeds. I’m not sure I’ve got it completely right yet, but I’m starting to see “opportunities” in the outline beats that can scream “comedy goes here!” We’ll see what happens as this process proceeds!

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

GENRE CONVENTIONS:

PURPOSE: Entertain with laughter-inducing moments. In real life, this was a serious story about an unusual world (paleontology), but there are many aspects of it that are absurd—starting with characters who are almost caricatures of themselves.

INCONGRUENCE: People are living against type in their worlds. The guy we’re supposed to trust (government official, “saving resources from being stolen”) is actually the lying cheat; the independent businessman accused of stealing is the honest one. Meanwhile, the judge is losing his marbles and the defense attorney is trying to score with the jurors.

MECHANICS OF COMEDY: Setup/punchline; running gags, sight/prop humor; fish out of water, incongruent pairings, misinterpretations, etc.

1. Pete’s naïveté is a running gag that leads to misinterpretations.

2. The incongruent pairing with a girlfriend who is actually doing illegal stuff surprises him.

3. Pete’s dress code and casual manner is fish-out-of-water in the courtroom; likewise, the field is not the natural setting for the attorneys.

4. “Investigators” are too out of shape to get to the locations and lie about it.

5. Government attorneys don’t understand the science and bungle the indictment counts, locations, and general mechanics of the case.

6. Witnesses who prove Pete’s innocence are disregarded by the judge; jury confused.

7. Judge’s behaviors are absurd; as the arbiter of the proceedings, he’s losing his mind. (Example, record of overruling defense objections is kept on a clipboard.)

8. Defense attorney thinks he is irresistible and “banks” on the one juror who hates his guts—and whose husband plays golf with the judge.

9. Government attorneys and court staff “know” Pete is innocent.

COMEDIC PROTAGONIST: Pete is definitely a straight man; he’s sincere and earnest. Throughout, government attorneys accuse him of lying, which he really cannot do.

STRONG STORY: The story causes people to cheer for Pete and boo the bad guys; they also tear up about how he feels about “his” dinosaur.

STRUCTURE

Act 1:

OPENING: Independent paleontologist leads his merry band of workers from a dig, oblivious to everything but science. After fueling up the rag-tag vehicles, they accidentally leave a kid behind at the gas station bathroom. Meanwhile, government attorneys are casting him as a leader of a RICO-style crime ring.

INCITING INCIDENT: Dinosaur seized by the feds. The judge, an “expert” in land issues, greases the wheels. The government attorney is so excited that he wears pancake makeup to the press conference and breaks the law by involving the National Guard. The paleo team “do the right thing” by packing the bones—since the feds brought one bag of plaster and 5 boards for an entire <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>T. rex—and little kids bring the press corps to the back door to expose what’s really happening.

TURNING POINT: Protagonist sues the feds, and in the process endears himself to independent thinkers everywhere. Opposition doesn’t expect this, and ups the ante in fighting dirty. Meanwhile, the landowner plays the race card, which incites public debate.

Act 2:

PLAN: Make it all go away with the truth.

PLAN IN ACTION: Pete pleads with ruthless, two-faced government attorneys to be reasonable; then tries to explain a lifetime of facts to his own self-absorbed legal team. He and his merry band then turn to public marches and the media. In the process, they learn that their own colleague was secretly smuggling!

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: INDICTMENTS.

Act 3:

RETHINK: Pete realizes he has to own his power and think like the Opposition—fish out of water; he doesn’t know how to be underhanded. In the process he becomes a more sophisticated leader—and a champion of the underdog.

NEW PLAN: Using his scientific process—and his understanding of moving mountains—he slowly goes through all the evidence to find answers. Running gags of working in the field, inhospitable or deteriorated locations, incomplete notes, bad weather, etc.

TURNING POINT / MIDPOINT / HUGE FAILURE & MAJOR SHIFT — ALL IS LOST: Even with the evidence, the family / other defendants are afraid for their own skins. Lawyers have to multiply and therefore disagree about how to proceed. Pete has to stand alone—it’s all on him.

Act 4:

CLIMAX / ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT: The test is the courtroom—with point after point made from their time in the field; Pete makes his case by relying on his natural environment, and navigating the foreign environment. Little by little, his side gains ground. But making the opposition mad is also dangerous. With each win, the judge piles on with negative rulings and unfair instructions. More running gags about funny fossils, locations, and investigators who shade the truth on the stand.

And we don’t know about that one juror….

RESOLUTION: We win—almost everything. Thanks to that juror, and the crazy judge, Pete is sentenced to two years in a federal prison. We end with him teaching inmates about fossils on the grounds and making friends with giant, scary dudes.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S 4-ACT TRANSFORMATIONAL STRUCTURE

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment: that with the support of the structure, I am able to see how the characters’ old and new ways DEFINE their next moves. I’m sure this outline will change, but moving quickly shows me that it’s not as intimidating a process. I learned that if I listen to Hal and just KEEP MOVING, it’s not as hard as “trying to make it right” the first time around.

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

MAIN CONFLICT: What starts out as a custody battle over a dinosaur becomes a battle of titans—a fossil hunter fighting for his freedom and reputation against federal lawyers and a judge who want him to go down and lose everything.

OLD WAYS: Isolated, insecure, brow-beaten by his family, Peter Pan (never growing up)

NEW WAYS: Involved, speaking his mind and heart, taking on the role of leader, fighting for what’s right

Act 1:

OPENING: Protagonist (leading his band of merry paleontologists) is returning from a dig, talking about science. They stop at a gas station and accidentally leave a kid behind. Totally oblivious; rag-tag vehicles; naïve and rural.

Meanwhile, behind the scenes, government attorneys meet in secret to try to gather evidence that these guys are stealing and mishandling precious artifacts.

INCITING INCIDENT: Dinosaur seized by the feds. It’s a big moment for the opposition, and the judge greases the wheels to make it happen.

TURNING POINT: Protagonist sues the feds. Opposition doesn’t expect this, and commits to really fighting dirty. Meanwhile, the landowner plays the race card, which plays on public sentiment.

Act 2:

PLAN: At first the protagonist tries to reason with people, with the assumption that the guys just “illustrate” their innocence by being themselves. However, the Opposition is cynical, simply repeating their fake news (like Trump does, as if it’s true). Reason fuels their fire, and causes the public to wonder, “if there’s smoke, is there fire?”

During this first process, our guys realize that the Opposition wants them to be guilty! They never imagined that someone would skew facts to make them look bad. It’s not the Midwestern way. To make this more effective, the Opposition presents (to the public and in court) a line of reasoning that basically recasts history—redefining and going backward…making our guys have to rewind and rewind to defend past actions.

PLAN IN ACTION: Using the old ways, our protagonist proceeds with logic and transparency, a sense of insecurity about his self-worth, and a desire to please. It’s like feeding lions with juicy bunny rabbits.

When he meets with the opposition, they are ruthless, cynical, and “sure.” The Opposition approaches with an assumption of guilt, so the meetings are two-faced (“professional” on the outside, ruthless on the inside). And when one person simply says, “that didn’t happen,” and the protagonist knows it did, he begins to question himself.

When the protagonist meets with his own lawyers, they are 5 steps ahead, not really listening, assuming that the boys made mistakes at the very least. It’s a chess match, not a search for the truth. There’s a cavalier handling of their lives—they feel as if they’re just pawns in lawyers’ lives / notches in their belts.

So they look to the public; organize marches, tell their story to the press, talk with pals—looks like subterfuge to the cynical; their lives are peeled back and examined. Even friends begin to question the truth and their honesty.

And in the process, they discover that their colleague was smuggling! Someone really was breaking the law! But they didn’t know! OH NO!

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: The forces of antagonism are 10 times bigger than we thought!

This is not just something you can explain away; the stakes are sooooo high: INDICTMENTS. The grand jury has spoken! The Opposition struts around.

Act 3:

RETHINK: Protagonist realizes he has to get ruthless / own his power / think like the Opposition. Protagonist stands tall and becomes a leader.

NEW PLAN: He goes through every accusation and rips it to shreds. He doesn’t let the Opposition snow him under with paper. He begins to consider this enormous case as a huge mountain of rock—he’s moved them many times, one shovelful at a time. “We know how to do this.” As he finds evidence supporting “his side,” he realizes that the opposition isn’t as knowledgeable as they’re pretending to be.

TURNING POINT / MIDPOINT / HUGE FAILURE & MAJOR SHIFT — ALL IS LOST: Family and lawyers disagree about how to proceed. Brother/partner says protagonist is being selfish, but he’s not. Now he’s willing to put himself on the line—and “doing the right thing” is really being strong for the group. He’s standing all alone, and still holding it together for everyone. As the family fractures, the opposition celebrates. The protagonist is hanging on the cliff by his fingernails.

Act 4:

CLIMAX / ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT: The test is the courtroom—with point after point made from their time in the field; the protagonist makes his case by working in his natural environment. Little by little, his side gains ground. But making the opposition mad is also dangerous. With each win, the judge piles on with negative rulings and unfair instructions.

And we don’t know about that one juror….

RESOLUTION: The protagonist uncovers something that proves bad intent on the part of the Opposition. Maybe the tainted juror, maybe the journalist who screwed up the plea bargain….?? Also, he’ll have to choose against “cutting the baby in half” for his brother—by giving away the dinosaur he loves. And saving everyone else.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S SUBTEXT PLOT(S)

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED: At first, the idea of subtext plots is one of those things that anyone “understands” after the fact—yes, we get how The Sixth Sense works, AFTER you watch it. I was a bit nervous that I wouldn’t be able to see my own applications of them. But after reading the descriptions, the answers were right there! My story works… but my initial “problem” reared its head again. I have a lot of antagonists, and in these exercises, it seems that the “main” one I chose before might not be the right guy. So I’m putting a pin in that and MOVING ON.

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

Of the 7 Subtext Plots, I found 5 that could be used. My favorite 2 are:

Scheme and Investigation

What’s awesome about this one is that BOTH parties think the OTHER is scheming, and since it’s a legal case, they’re both investigating. Of course, the government is investigating what it thinks is a series of crimes, and the protagonist is investigating what’s wrong about the story to find holes in the … investigation. They also believe that the government agents are wrongly targeting them, and they uncover some hilarious mistakes (or poorly executed but intentional mis-directs). With this set-up, everyone is scheming, and the question is who is “honest”?

Competitive Agendas

This is tailor-made for this script, because the whole case is a competition—for the amazing fossil (ownership), to advance in the public eye (as “innocent” of charges, or as the “person who put a criminal away”), to protect natural resources (my way or your way). Each statement to the press is partisan; each maneuver is a legal strategy. Each lawyer is…a lawyer. Whom to trust??

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment is that identifying these important transitions will define…well, everything the character does. For me to write each thing he’s thinking or doing, I have to know where he’s going internally and externally. Sounds kind of obvious, but once it’s “part of my matrix,” it’s undeniable. And a great road map.

Arc Beginning: Self-absorbed but “nice guy” who spends all his emotional tickets on what he’s interested in—theories and ideas and science.

Arc Ending: A true Hero who sacrifices himself to protect and fight for his family, the honor of his colleagues, and a bigger-than-life fossil who has become a “person” to him.

Internal Journey: From selfish and indulgent to selfless, brave, and a role model for others.

External Journey: From a small-town businessman to a world-renowned poster boy for fighting government overreach.

Old Ways: Isolated, insecure, brow-beaten by his family, Peter Pan (never growing up)

New Ways: Involved, speaking his mind and heart, taking on the role of leader, fighting for what’s right

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S INTENTIONAL LEAD CHARACTERS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is that I wasn’t even sure which of the “bad guys” was the “main bad guy”! I’ve lived with this story forever, and you would think I would know. Very helpful to look at this very high, overview level for the main drivers.

PROTAGONIST: Pete, a small-town, independent paleontologist making worldwide scientific headlines over a famous T. rex fossil, inadvertently ignites a land dispute.

Unique: This polite, honest, Midwestern fossil nerd of Scandinavian descent (think Prairie Home Companion) has nerves of steel.

ANTAGONIST: Dick is a crotchety federal judge whose believes he knows everything about the complicated world of public, private, and tribal lands on the Great Plains.

Unique: Is he just exhibiting his usual crabby-ass bias, or is he actually going batty?

CATALYST: Bulldog is an acting US Attorney who asks the judge for a favor (seizure order for the rex)—thinking this will get him in a good position to be promoted.

Unique: He misreads the public, and his popularity; not great for someone wanting a federal appointment.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

REX APPEAL: Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

Protagonist vs. Antagonist

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is that it’s weird to “say it out loud.” I had no idea if Hal or anyone was reading what we were sending in for Module 1, but it’s a very different thing to post this publicly. This story has been in my life for years (I co-wrote the book that was the source material for a documentary)…and taking the story to this other level has been on my wish list. My mission is to make it something fun instead of tragic (although it was tragic)—and to experience it in a new way, after time has passed. This moment is exciting and scary!

[Kristin Donnan]

1. Kristin Donnan

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. Entire text of form below:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Kristin Donnan]

Hi there,

I’m Kristin Donnan, and I’ve written a handful of features (one optioned; one received an 8 on the Black List), a doc TV limited series, and a few IMAX scripts. Whenever I get revved up to work on my own projects, though, I get derailed by work-for-hire (I’m a book writer/editor)—and so I am taking this class to “put myself on the schedule.” I’ve loved my other ScreenwritingU classes and have gotten a lot out of them; they make me really realize how much my understanding of the industry has changed since I went to film school a long time ago.

This class provides the hope that I can finish something that’s going to avoid the usual pitfalls, because of the streamlined nature of the course.

As for the personal side, I grew up in the Black Hills of South Dakota, and after living in NYC and LA, doing the professional stuff, I came back to the country (to cover a great story—Dinosaur 13) and never left. I’m working freelance from home and helping my ranch friends with their cattle. If you’ve never heard a mama cow cooing to her new baby, Google it up. It’ll put a smile on your face.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Beat Sheet Draft 2

What I learned: That each lesson really does flesh out things for the next one. It’s like magic.

Act 1:

OPENING:

EXT. CARAVAN OF DIG VEHICLES – WIDE-OPEN PRAIRIE – ESTABLISHING – DAY

Five or six rag-tag pickups roll down a lone stretch of pockmarked 2-lane pavement in the middle of nowhere. A small (SMALL) town can be seen in the distance.

EXT. 2-PUMP GAS STATION – TINY TOWN – FOLLOWING

The crew pulls in to fuel up. Most are 30-something, sturdy men. A couple of women. A flurry of kids—many of whom line up at the outdoor bathroom.

TE1: JOE is in charge, distractedly filling his pickup, in the middle of a conversation. [This is where Joe learns about dig on public lands and leaves a 6-year-old in the bathroom.]

EXT. ROAD SNAKING THROUGH THE PRAIRIE – LITTLE LATER

One truck pulls off with a tire problem. The others follow. [Notice kid is missing.]

EXT. GAS STATION – FOLLOWING

Kid sitting and waiting. Obviously not for the first time.

INCITING INCIDENT:

EXT. DINOSAUR COMPANY BACK ALLEY – MORNING

All the trucks from yesterday are parked there, plus a few more. Now “DO NOT CROSS / POLICE LINE” tape is being strung up to close the alley.

[Seizure set-up.]

INT. JOE’S TRAILER ACROSS THE ALLEY – SAME

TE 2: PHONE RINGS and he’s talking about [whatever science] as FEDS walk past his windows again and again with the DO NOT CROSS tape. Joe is making coffee and doesn’t notice.

EXT. PARKING LOT – LATER

NEWS CAMERAS everywhere, setting up for a news conference as MR. LITTLE fixes his pancake makeup. [This is where Prosecutor Mr. Little gets his 15 minutes on TV.]

INT./EXT. DINOSAUR BUSINESS – DAY/NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: A sequence showing the drama of the seizure / dynamics of the situation / who’s who / what’s what. Set the stage of the company and how it works. This must include that it’s basically a CUSTODY BATTLE OVER A DINOSAUR.

TURNING POINT:

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

Same set-up as when Mr. Little did his press conference, except everything is different. Real people, no makeup, speaking from the heart.

Joe announces that he’s filed suit against the government for “wrongful seizure and return of his property.”

[This is where in the middle of the news announcement, the school lets all the kids out and they swarm the place with signs.]

TE 3: Joe is surrounded by kids chanting. Just as Mr. Little is VERY displeased at the bad press, Joe suddenly realizes that the thing he had considered as “his” really “belongs to everyone.” He’s blown away.

INT. WORKSHOP – DAY

Company staff are told to stand down because “experts” are coming to take this “government property.” Of course, it’s HUGE—and the unprepared, government-hired “scientists” arrive with a couple of sheets of plywood and some boxes. Woefully inadequate.

TE 4: Joe makes a painful decision to break the “stand-down” rule and to help—he must properly crate the fossil he loves, in order to save it from damage. The team pitches in [we see the contrast—they’re really good at their job]. Joe even uses his own materials. Lots of them.

Mr. Little looks on—torn between the “letter of the instruction” and “protecting his investment.”

Act 2: NEW PLAN:

EXT. COMPANY BUILDING – EARLY MORNING

The protest has most of the community—hundreds of people, including the school kids and teachers—out with hot chocolate and donuts. The protest continues.

INT. COMPANY OFFICES AND WORKSHOPS – SAME

Everyone moves boxes of rocks and fossils out of the way and creates a mini marketing department. [These independents start “telling their story.” It goes international.]

INT. PROSECUTORS’ OFFICE – SAME

PLACEHOLDER: Something about how they realize they can’t “throw a log chain around the building” and close it down because of the kids. Bad publicity.

Planning the legal case—like a bull in a china shop.

EXT. ALLEY / PARKING AREA – MORNING

A couple of cars’ worth of lawyers pile out. These are country lawyers, and they’ve come to help.

INT. OFFICES – FOLLOWING

PLACEHOLDER: Joe, his partners, and lawyers begin to plot out their strategy. Not everyone is a fan of Joe’s move to “sue the feds,” but Joe starts the way he always starts—like a bull in a china shop. MEET JOE’S CHARISMATIC AND WILD LAWYER, who starts sketching things out on a huge WHITE BOARD.

ON THE BOARD

The combatants are listed, those who claim custody: “us,” “the feds,” the guy who sold it to us from leased land.

TE 5: As Joe’s wild lawyer is giving advice that is daring and contrary to other defendants’ lawyers’ advice, Joe starts to realize that he has to learn how to listen—and still lead. THIS INFORMATION COMES TO JOE through a “VOICE IN HIS HEAD.” A female voice.

INT. PROSECUTOR’S OFFICE – DAY/NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: Is there a mole at the dinosaur world, feeding some info to Little? OR PERHAPS A FEMALE VOICE? Prosecutors’ office is also dealing with storing the fossil; talking about realizing they have no idea what they’re doing, looking for reinforcements.

Still, as Mr. Little sees the chaos in Joe’s camp, he feels pretty confident. Starts stacking up his evidence. LOOKING IN JOE’S FIELD NOTES.

EXT. DINOSAUR ALLEY / JOE’S HOUSE – NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: TE 6: A prominent medicine man makes an offer to come to Joe’s trailer house behind the company. Joe accepts, just to be polite. But this guy starts making sense, and he calls Joe “a caretaker” of the earth’s treasures. Joe REALIZES THAT THE VOICE IN HIS HEAD might be the dinosaur, and starts to see his role differently.

MIDPOINT/TP:

INT. COURTHOUSE – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Joe loses the custody battle, and is devastated. Shortly thereafter, Little indicts Joe and his partners as if they’re the conspirators in a complex RICO case. Hundreds of felony charges. Even the little-old-lady receptionist is an “unindicted co-conspirator.”

INT. JOE’S TRAILER – NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: TE 7: Joe’s daughter turns 18—and takes off with her boyfriend. She says her life has been dominated by whatever her dad wants, and she is NOT going to let her world get derailed by something she can’t help or control.

EXT. STORAGE BUILDING WHERE FOSSIL IS – NIGHT

Joe stands outside the window, looking in and having a conversation about the daughter. BOTH SIDES are clearly audible, when no one else is around.

Act 3: RETHINK EVERYTHING:

INT. JOE’S OFFICES – EARLY MORNING

Everyone is exhausted and bitter, scared and angry.

PLACEHOLDER PROBLEM: Need this to be funny…. As Joe’s people are pulled into the drama, he learns the downfalls of his overall POV. He is even asked to step down as CEO by his family and business partners, but he’s still the majority stockholder. TE 8: Is he going to give up—or change?

INT. PROSECUTORS’ OFFICE – NIGHT

Mr. Little meticulously arranges and rearranges his “exhibits” and equipment, including ELMO, the projector screen thing. He talks to himself as he sets his sights on taking Joe and the business down.

EXT/INT. DINO ALLEY & OFFICES – NIGHT

Joe can’t sleep, and crosses from his trailer to the office. He looks at the mountain of paperwork, decades’ worth of files, etc.

TE 9: PLACEHOLDER SEQUENCE RE: NEW INSIGHTS: Joe’s new plans involve research, collaboration, listening to new ideas, and engaging colleagues behind the scenes to assist.

One of the things he knows he must do is get back outdoors.

INT. JOE’S TENT – NIGHT

At a dig site, back out in the middle of nowhere, we hear some COYOTES. Joe begins to toss and turn in his sleeping bag.

DREAM SEQUENCE:

TE 10: PLACEHOLDER: One DREAM is with the guys who created this independent business model 100 years before. They, and their entire legacy, are relying on him. Another is an in-person conversation with the dinosaur herself, in real time. This begins a dialog, where they share a process of dealing with Mr. Little.

Joe awakens with a new understanding of the errors in the prosecution’s case—jumps up and breaks camp.

INT. DINO OFFICE – WHITE BOARD – DAY

TE 11: Joe and team sketch out Mr. Little’s errors and the case’s inherent weaknesses. Joe asks his colleagues to look through their own FIELD NOTES that show exact locations, etc. Everyone participates and adds to the logic.

INT. PROSECUTORS’ OFFICE – SAME

By now, Mr. Little is cocky; he thinks he’s got this in the bag. Nerding out, he prepares dozens of very boring slideshows and graphs and charts.

TP / FAILURE / MAJOR SHIFT: THE TRIAL

INT. COURTROOM – DAY IN AND DAY OUT

The trial goes on, and on, and on. Mr. Little puts everyone to sleep and Joe’s side gets all the laughs.

PLACEHOLDERS: Don’t forget the funny case notes examples. TE 11.5: Also, his colleagues need to shine here. Teamwork!

Finally, as the verdict is read, Joe and his colleagues are triumphant for almost the entire list of charges (Mr. Little hates this)—but Joe is convicted on a technicality. Even with “right on his side,” he faces a prison sentence.

“Everyone” in the clan is devastated and embarrassed, “guilty!” TE 12: But Joe walks out the front doors of the courthouse—with a cigar in his mouth. This confuses Mr. Little and the judge.

INT. JUDGE’S CHAMBERS – NIGHT

Mr. Little explains to the judge why it’s important to put Joe away, even though the case suggests only probation. They make a deal.

Act 4: CLIMAX:

INT. COURTHOUSE – DAY

In something like a dream sequence, Joe goes in with high hopes and then discovers he’ll go to prison. PRISON?

INT. PRISON – DAY

When Joe is being logged into the facility, the guard on duty looks at the conviction—“Failure to fill out forms? You must have really pissed someone off.”

EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS

PLACEHOLDER SEQUENCE: Joe quickly becomes a celebrity at minimum security—and beyond. PROTESTS BEGIN IN SEVERAL STATES, AND IN WASHINGTON DC. We see HIS DAUGHTER organizing one. Or two…

EXT. PRISON YARD – DAY

When Joe finds fossils in the exercise yard, he thinks twice about picking them up. TE 13: After all, this is federal property. He has a great idea for a TED Talk about ownership of “the public trust.”

INT. PRISON LIBRARY – DAY

PLACEHOLDER SEQUENCE: TE 14: Meanwhile, can he run the company from prison? He has to understand what “teamwork” really looks like. Also while inside, Joe helps rewrite federal policy on fossil collections, writes books, sees the benefits of collaboration.

INT. DINO OFFICES – DAY

The team rallies behind him, and Joe’s people launch a campaign against Mr. Little and the frivolous prosecution.

EXT. PROSECUTORS’ OFFICE – EVENING

Mr. Little is feeling pretty good about himself. This is despite the fact that even his colleagues cringe when he comes around.

EXT. MR. LITTLE’S HOUSE – FOLLOWING

He drives up in his Suzuki Samurai, parks in the driveway of an unremarkable cookie-cutter house. His yard is full of turkeys, boxes of hatchling chickens. He’s mystified.

INT. MR. LITTLE’S HOUSE – FOLLOWING

He takes off his suit jacket and ponders a stack of mail that has fallen through the slot. As he’s leaning against the front door, someone knocks on the other side, startling him.

He opens, and there stands a delivery person. IT’S JOE’S DAUGHTER (the one who took off), who has a box of exotic parrots…as well as other “T. rex relatives.”

RESOLUTION:

EXT. PRISON – EARLY MORNING

Joe, wearing his old clothes, boards a bus.

INT. BUS – SAME

Joe chooses a seat and settles in. As the bus lurches forward, he pulls an unopened letter from his pocket—from his daughter. He opens it, and sees a photograph of her in a “dino protest” in Washington DC. The letter begins, “Dear Dad…”

EXT. HIGHWAY NORTH – BUS – DAY

He’s looking out the window, happier than he’s been in a long time. Wait, is that a DINOSAUR sitting on the row of seats across the aisle? We can’t really see clearly.

INT. HIS OFFICE – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: As soon as Joe gets out, businesses are lined up to place orders—NOT what Mr. Little had hoped for. Joe and his team set out on a new prospecting mission—in a new way, and with help from the “dream-fossil.” They find another T. rex. Mr. Little does not get his promotion…and is demoted to Public Defender.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s High-Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment is that I tend to rethink what I do know and be afraid of what I don’t know. This allows you to just press on, knowing it will fill in later.

PS: I promise that I’ll use these High-Speed Writing Rules to get a script done at record speed… even if not in only 30 days.

Act 1:

OPENING:

EXT. CARAVAN OF DIG VEHICLES – WIDE-OPEN PRAIRIE – ESTABLISHING – DAY

Five or six rag-tag pickups roll down a lone stretch of pockmarked 2-lane pavement in the middle of nowhere. A small (SMALL) town can be seen in the distance.

EXT. 2-PUMP GAS STATION – TINY TOWN – FOLLOWING

The crew pulls in to fuel up. Most are 30-something, sturdy men. A couple of women. A flurry of kids—many of whom line up at the outdoor bathroom.

TE1: JOE is in charge, distractedly filling his pickup, in the middle of a conversation. [This is where Joe learns about dig on public lands and leaves a 6-year-old in the bathroom.]

EXT. ROAD SNAKING THROUGH THE PRAIRIE – LITTLE LATER

One truck pulls off with a tire problem. The others follow. [Notice kid is missing.]

EXT. GAS STATION – FOLLOWING

Kid sitting and waiting. Obviously not for the first time.

INCITING INCIDENT:

EXT. DINOSAUR COMPANY BACK ALLEY – MORNING

All the trucks from yesterday are parked there, plus a few more. Now “DO NOT CROSS / POLICE LINE” tape is being strung up to close the alley. [Seizure set-up.]

INT. JOE’S TRAILER ACROSS THE ALLEY – SAME

TE 2: PHONE RINGS and he’s talking about [whatever science] as FEDS walk past his windows again and again with the DO NOT CROSS tape. Joe is making coffee and doesn’t notice.

EXT. PARKING LOT – LATER

NEWS CAMERAS everywhere, setting up for a news conference as MR. LITTLE fixes his pancake makeup. [This is where Prosecutor Mr. Little gets his 15 minutes on TV.]

INT./EXT. DINOSAUR BUSINESS – DAY/NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: A sequence showing the drama of the seizure / dynamics of the situation / who’s who / what’s what. Set the stage of the company and how it works. This must include that it’s basically a CUSTODY BATTLE OVER A DINOSAUR.

TURNING POINT:

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

Same set-up as when Mr. Little did his press conference, except everything is different. Real people, no makeup, speaking from the heart.

Joe announces that he’s filed suit against the government for “wrongful seizure and return of his property.”

[This is where in the middle of the news announcement, the school lets all the kids out and they swarm the place with signs.]

TE 3: Joe is surrounded by kids chanting. Just as Mr. Little is VERY displeased at the bad press, Joe suddenly realizes that the thing he had considered as “his” really “belongs to everyone.” He’s blown away.

INT. WORKSHOP – DAY

Company staff are told to stand down because “experts” are coming to take this “government property.” Of course, it’s HUGE—and the unprepared, government-hired “scientists” arrive with a couple of sheets of plywood and some boxes. Woefully inadequate.

TE 4: Joe makes a painful decision to break the “stand-down” rule and to help—he must properly crate the fossil he loves, in order to save it from damage. The team pitches in [we see the contrast—they’re really good at their job]. Joe even uses his own materials. Lots of them.

Act 2: NEW PLAN:

EXT. COMPANY BUILDING – EARLY MORNING

The protest has most of the community—hundreds of people, including the school kids and teachers—out with hot chocolate and donuts. The protest continues.

INT. COMPANY OFFICES AND WORKSHOPS – SAME

Everyone moves boxes of rocks and fossils out of the way and creates a mini marketing department. [These independents start “telling their story.” It goes international.]

INT. PROSECUTORS’ OFFICE – SAME

PLACEHOLDER: Something about how they realize they can’t “throw a log chain around the building” and close it down because of the kids. Bad publicity.

Planning the legal case—like a bull in a china shop.

EXT. ALLEY / PARKING AREA – MORNING

A couple of cars’ worth of lawyers pile out. These are country lawyers, and they’ve come to help.

INT. OFFICES – FOLLOWING

PLACEHOLDER: Joe, his partners, and lawyers begin to plot out their strategy. Not everyone is a fan of Joe’s move to “sue the feds,” but Joe starts the way he always starts—like a bull in a china shop. MEET JOE’S CHARISMATIC AND WILD LAWYER, who starts sketching things out on a huge WHITE BOARD.

ON THE BOARD

The combatants are listed, those who claim custody: “us,” “the feds,” the guy who sold it to us from leased land.

TE 5: As Joe’s wild lawyer is giving advice that is daring and contrary to other defendants’ lawyers’ advice, Joe starts to realize that he has to learn how to listen—and still lead. THIS INFORMATION COMES TO JOE through a “VOICE IN HIS HEAD.” A female voice.

INT. PROSECUTOR’S OFFICE – DAY/NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: Is there a mole at the dinosaur world, feeding some info to Little? OR PERHAPS A FEMALE VOICE? Prosecutors’ office is also dealing with storing the fossil; talking about realizing they have no idea what they’re doing, looking for reinforcements.

Still, as Mr. Little sees the chaos in Joe’s camp, he feels pretty confident.

EXT. DINOSAUR ALLEY / JOE’S HOUSE – NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: TE 6: A prominent medicine man makes an offer to come to Joe’s trailer house behind the company. Joe accepts, just to be polite. But this guy starts making sense, and he calls Joe “a caretaker” of the earth’s treasures. Joe REALIZES THAT THE VOICE IN HIS HEAD might be the dinosaur, and starts to see his role differently.

MIDPOINT/TP:

INT. COURTHOUSE – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: Joe loses the custody battle, and is devastated. Shortly thereafter, Little indicts Joe and his partners as if they’re the conspirators in a complex RICO case. Hundreds of felony charges. Even the little-old-lady receptionist is an “unindicted co-conspirator.”

INT. JOE’S TRAILER – NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER: TE 7: Joe’s daughter turns 18—and takes off with her boyfriend. She says her life has been dominated by whatever her dad wants, and she is NOT going to let her world get derailed by something she can’t help or control.

EXT. STORAGE BUILDING WHERE FOSSIL IS – NIGHT

Joe stands outside the window, looking in and having a conversation about the daughter. BOTH SIDES are clearly audible, when no one else is around.

Act 3: RETHINK EVERYTHING:

INT. JOE’S OFFICES – EARLY MORNING

Everyone is exhausted and bitter, scared and angry.

PLACEHOLDER PROBLEM: Need this to be funny…. As Joe’s people are pulled into the drama, he learns the downfalls of his overall POV. He is even asked to step down as CEO by his family and business partners, but he’s still the majority stockholder. TE 8: Is he going to give up—or change?

INT. PROSECUTORS’ OFFICE – NIGHT

Mr. Little meticulously arranges and rearranges his “exhibits” and equipment, including ELMO, the projector screen thing. He talks to himself as he sets his sights on taking Joe and the business down.

EXT/INT. DINO ALLEY & OFFICES – NIGHT

Joe can’t sleep, and crosses from his trailer to the office. He looks at the mountain of paperwork, decades’ worth of files, etc.

TE 9: PLACEHOLDER SEQUENCE RE: NEW INSIGHTS: Joe’s new plans involve research, collaboration, listening to new ideas, and engaging colleagues behind the scenes to assist.

One of the things he knows he must do is get back outdoors.

INT. JOE’S TENT – NIGHT

At a dig site, back out in the middle of nowhere, we hear some COYOTES. Joe begins to toss and turn in his sleeping bag.

DREAM SEQUENCE:

TE 10: PLACEHOLDER: One DREAM is with the guys who created this independent business model 100 years before. They, and their entire legacy, are relying on him. Another is an in-person conversation with the dinosaur herself, in real time. This begins a dialog, where they share a process of dealing with Mr. Little.

Joe awakens with a new understanding of the errors in the prosecution’s case—jumps up and breaks camp.

INT. DINO OFFICE – WHITE BOARD – DAY

TE 11: Joe sketches out Mr. Little’s errors and the case’s inherent weaknesses. He asks his colleagues to look through their own FIELD NOTES that show exact locations, etc. Everyone participates and adds to the logic.

INT. PROSECUTORS’ OFFICE – SAME

By now, Mr. Little is cocky; he thinks he’s got this in the bag. Nerding out, he prepares dozens of very boring slideshows and graphs and charts.

TP / FAILURE / MAJOR SHIFT: THE TRIAL

INT. COURTROOM – DAY IN AND DAY OUT

The trial goes on, and on, and on. Mr. Little puts everyone to sleep and Joe’s side gets all the laughs.

PLACEHOLDERS: Don’t forget the funny case notes examples.

Finally, as the verdict is read, Joe and his colleagues are triumphant for almost the entire list of charges (Mr. Little hates this)—but Joe is convicted on a technicality. Even with “right on his side,” he faces a prison sentence.

“Everyone” in the clan is devastated and embarrassed, “guilty!” TE 12: But Joe walks out the front doors of the courthouse—with a cigar in his mouth. This confuses Mr. Little and the judge.

Act 4: CLIMAX:

INT. PRISON – DAY

When Joe is being logged into prison, the guard on duty looks at the conviction—“Failure to fill out forms? You must have really pissed someone off.”

PLACEHOLDER SEQUENCE: Joe quickly becomes a celebrity at minimum security. But when he finds fossils in the exercise yard, he thinks twice about picking them up. TE 13: After all, this is federal property. He has a great idea for a TED Talk about ownership of “the public trust.”

INT. PRISON LIBRARY – DAY

PLACEHOLDER SEQUENCE: TE 14: Meanwhile, can he run the company from prison? He has to understand what “teamwork” really looks like. Also while inside, Joe helps rewrite federal policy on fossil collections, writes books, sees the benefits of collaboration.

INT. DINO OFFICES – DAY

The team rallies behind him, and Joe’s people launch a campaign against Mr. Little and the frivolous prosecution.

EXT. PROSECUTORS’ OFFICE – EVENING

Mr. Little is feeling pretty good about himself. This is despite the fact that even his colleagues cringe when he comes around.

EXT. MR. LITTLE’S HOUSE – FOLLOWING

He drives up in his Suzuki Samurai, parks in the driveway of an unremarkable cookie-cutter house. His yard is full of turkeys, boxes of hatchling chickens. He’s mystified.

INT. MR. LITTLE’S HOUSE – FOLLOWING

He takes off his suit jacket and ponders a stack of mail that has fallen through the slot. As he’s leaning against the front door, someone knocks on the other side, startling him.

He opens, and there stands a delivery person. He’s got exotic parrots…as well as other “T. rex relatives.”

RESOLUTION:

EXT. PRISON – EARLY MORNING

Joe, wearing his old clothes, boards a bus.

EXT. HIGHWAY NORTH – BUS – DAY

He’s looking out the window, happier than he’s been in a long time. Is that a DINOSAUR sitting on the row of seats across the aisle? We can’t really see clearly.

INT. HIS OFFICE – DAY

PLACEHOLDER: As soon as Joe gets out, businesses are lined up to place orders—NOT what Mr. Little had hoped for. Joe and his team set out on a new prospecting mission—in a new way, and with help from the “dream-fossil.” They find another T. rex. Mr. Little does not get his promotion…and is demoted to Public Defender.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Transformational Events

I learned that I was nervous that “the future” wouldn’t provide me with creative tests and events, but as I considered the samples and developed ideas, they actually meshed with what I had in place for the structure. I think I can get much better ones, but I was able to get past my fears. Not sure why this way seems more intimidating than my old way—except that my old way is familiar.

HERO & CHARACTER ARC: A founder of a family business makes all decisions based on “what’s fun for him,” ignoring others’ views/feelings or the ramifications of his choices. By the end, he has sued the government and fought bravely through a legal case that makes worldwide headlines—and he does it with honor, thanks to friends he’s made along the way.

JOE’S OLD WAYS

• “All about me”
• Consequences be damned
• Ignores business partners and/or mentors
• Talented, but closed-minded
• Hidden insecurity
• Business can only grow “so far” because of arrogance

NEW WAYS

• Collaborative
• Helps formulate and spreads the word re: industry “rules”
• More humble, which increases abilities
• Fights for the little guy
• Takes on the federal government
• Protects and supports business partners
• Becomes role model for industry

JOE’S LIST OF CHANGES

• Consider the ramifications of his actions
• Realize that fulfilling his every impulse and whim does not lead to deep joy and happiness
• Look ahead to the future—beyond himself to his friends, industry, and history
• Invite other people into his life—this leads to messiness and distraction, but also fulfillment
• Embrace the duties that come with leading
• Choose a side—and be willing to fight for it
• Stand up against the oppressor, and cut a path for the underdog
• Change history

4-ACT STRUCTURE WITH [EVENT/TEST] INSERTED

Act 1:

• OPENING: The weird and colorful life of independent paleontologists: [EVENT/TEST] Joe, leading a caravan of his crew on the way home from a dig, hears a rumor that investigations are happening regarding digs on public lands—the “knock-knock on the computer,” but from the universe, not the good guys. He blows it off.
• Distracted, [EVENT/TEST] he leaves behind his young kid during a fuel stop—later, after someone else has noticed and the kid is back—Joe repeats his tongue-in-cheek mantra in his own defense, “every man for himself.” However, he is secretly startled by his self-absorption
• INCITING INCIDENT: Seizure! Prosecutor Mr. Little gets his 15 minutes on TV.
• TURNING POINT: Joe files suit and goes in front of news cameras—as school kids demonstrate in front of his building for the return of the small town’s signature fossil. While Mr. Little is VERY displeased at the bad press, [EVENT/TEST] Joe suddenly realizes that the thing he had considered as “his” really “belongs to everyone.”
• Just then, [EVENT/TEST] unprepared, government-hired “scientists” come to crate the delicate fossil—trying to “take over,” telling Joe he has “to stand down.” But he makes a painful decision to help—crate the fossil he loves, in order to save it from damage. He even uses his own materials.

Act 2:

• NEW PLAN: Planning the legal case—like a bull in a china shop.
• PLAN IN ACTION: Not listening to lawyers or colleagues, thinking that force of personality is enough. “Much ado about nothing.” Plus, Joe’s wild lawyer is giving advice that is daring and contrary to other defendants’ lawyers’ advice. [EVENT/TEST] Joe begins as he begins everything—by running over everyone like a steamroller. But soon, he has to learn how to listen—and still lead. As Mr. Little sees the chaos in Joe’s camp, he feels pretty confident.
• The “custody case” widens a bit, as the Native community weighs in. [EVENT/TEST] A prominent medicine man makes an offer to come to Joe’s trailer house behind the company. Joe accepts, just to be polite. But this guy starts making sense, and he calls Joe “a caretaker” of the earth’s treasures. Joe starts to see his role differently.
• MIDPOINT/TP: Not only does Joe’s custody lawsuit fail, but also Mr. Little indicts Joe and his partners as if it’s a RICO case. Hundreds of felony charges. Even the little-old-lady receptionist is an “unindicted co-conspirator.”
• [EVENT/TEST] Joe’s daughter turns 18—and takes off with her boyfriend. She says her life has been dominated by whatever her dad wants, and she is NOT going to let her world get derailed by something she can’t help or control.

Act 3:

• RETHINK EVERYTHING: This shit is real. As Joe’s people are pulled into the drama, he learns the downfalls of his overall POV. [EVENT/TEST] He is even asked to step down as CEO by his family and business partners, but he’s still the majority stockholder. Is he going to give up—or change? Mr. Little sets his sights on taking Joe and the business down.
• NEW INSIGHTS: Joe’s new plans involve research, collaboration, listening to new ideas, and engaging colleagues behind the scenes to assist.
• [EVENT/TEST X 2] Joe starts having DREAMS. One is with the guys who created this independent business model 100 years before. They’re relying on him. Another is a conversation with the dinosaur herself. This begins a dialog, where they share a process of dealing with Mr. Little.
• Once the team breaks down the hundreds of federal charges, they reveal Mr. Little’s errors and the case’s inherent weaknesses—because Joe is actually a good guy. By now, Mr. Little is cocky; he thinks he’s got this in the bag. Nerding out, he prepares dozens of very boring slideshows and graphs and charts.
• TP / FAILURE / MAJOR SHIFT: The trial goes on, and Joe’s side gets all the laughs. Mr. Little is striking out, even though a friend of the judge is on the jury. Finally, as the verdict is read, Joe and his colleagues are triumphant for almost the entire list of charges (Mr. Little hates this)—but Joe is convicted on a technicality. Even with “right on his side,” he faces a prison sentence.
• [EVENT/TEST] “Everyone” in the clan is devastated and embarrassed, “guilty!” But Joe walks out the front doors of the courthouse—with a cigar in his mouth. This confuses Mr. Little and the judge.

Act 4:

• CLIMAX: When Joe is being logged into prison, the guard on duty looks at the conviction—“Failure to fill out forms? You must have really pissed someone off.”
• Joe quickly becomes a celebrity at minimum security. [EVENT/TEST] But when he finds fossils in the exercise yard, he thinks twice about picking them up. After all, <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>this is federal property. He has a great idea for a TED Talk about ownership of “the public trust.”
• [EVENT/TEST] Meanwhile, can he run the company from prison? He has to understand what “teamwork” really looks like. Also while inside, [EVENT/TEST] Joe helps rewrite federal policy on fossil collections, writes books, sees the benefits of collaboration.
• From his bunk in Minimum Security, Joe and his people launch a campaign against Mr. Little and the frivolous prosecution. Still, Mr. Little is feeling pretty good about himself until he comes home to a yardful of turkeys, boxes of hatchling chickens, deliveries of exotic parrots…every “<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>T. rex relative” you can think of.
• RESOLUTION: As soon as Joe gets out, [EVENT/TEST] businesses are lined up to place orders—NOT what Mr. Little had hoped for. Joe and his team set out on a new prospecting mission—in a new way, and with help from the “dream-fossil.”They find another <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>T. rex. Mr. Little does not get his promotion…and is demoted to Public Defender.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s 4-Act Transformational Structure

What I learned: Thinking big is essential in this phase—not diving into too much detail. I was intimidated at first, but it got to be fun.

Comedy concept: When a happy-go-lucky, self-absorbed paleontologist’s one-of-a-kind T. rex is seized by the FBI, he sues the US government—and faces what will become a potentially devastating situation as if he has the upper hand.

Main Conflict: Both sides fight for the fossil, which becomes “Solomon’s baby” in an international hot-potato of a case. In the process, careers, reputations, and the future of a controversial industry hang in the balance.

OLD WAYS

• “All about me”
• Consequences be damned
• Ignores business partners and/or mentors
• Talented, but closed-minded
• Hidden insecurity
• Business can only grow “so far” because of arrogance

NEW WAYS

• Collaborative
• Helps formulate and spreads the word re: industry “rules”
• More humble, which increases abilities
• Fights for the little guy
• Takes on the federal government
• Protects and supports business partners
• Becomes role model for industry

Act 1:

OPENING: The weird and colorful life of independent paleontologists, working in their “Indiana Jones-like” warehouse.<div>

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>INCITING INCIDENT: Seizure! Prosecutor Mr. Little gets his 15 minutes on TV.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>TURNING POINT: Joe files suit and goes in front of news cameras—as school kids demonstrate in front of his building for the return of the small town’s signature fossil. Mr. Little is VERY displeased at the bad press.

<div>

Act 2:

NEW PLAN: Planning the legal case—like a bull in a china shop.</div><div>

PLAN IN ACTION: Not listening to lawyers or colleagues, thinking that force of personality is enough. “Much ado about nothing.” As Mr. Little sees the chaos in Joe’s camp, he feels pretty confident.

MIDPOINT/TP: Not only does Joe’s lawsuit fail, but also Mr. Little indicts Joe and his partners as if it’s a RICO case. Hundreds of felony charges. Even the little-old-lady receptionist is an “unindicted co-conspirator.”

Act 3:

RETHINK EVERYTHING: This shit is real. As Joe’s people are pulled into the drama, he learns the downfalls of his overall POV. Mr. Little sets his sights on taking him down.</div><div>

NEW INSIGHTS: Joe’s new plans involve research, collaboration, listening to new ideas, and engaging colleagues behind the scenes to assist. Once the team breaks down the hundreds of federal charges, they reveal Mr. Little’s errors and the case’s inherent weaknesses—because Joe is actually a good guy. By now, Mr. Little is cocky; he thinks he’s got this in the bag. Nerding out, he prepares dozens of very boring slideshows and graphs and charts.

TP / FAILURE/ MAJOR SHIFT: The trial goes on, and Joe’s side gets all the laughs. Mr. Little is striking out, even though a friend of the judge is on the jury. Finally, as the verdict is read, Joe and his colleagues are triumphant for almost the entire list of charges (Mr. Little hates this)—but he is convicted on a technicality. Even with “right on his side,” Joe faces a prison sentence.

Act 4:

CLIMAX: When Joe is being logged into prison, the guard on duty looks at the conviction—“Failure to fill out forms? You must have really pissed someone off.” From his bunk in Minimum Security, Joe and his people launch a campaign against Mr. Little and the frivolous prosecution. Still, Mr. Little is feeling pretty good about himself until he comes home to a yardful of turkeys, boxes of hatchling chickens, deliveries of exotic parrots…every “T. rex relative” you can think of.</div>

RESOLUTION: While in prison, Joe helps rewrite federal policy on fossil collections, writes books…and as soon as he gets out, he and his team find another T. rex. Mr. Little does not get his promotion…and is demoted to Public Defender.

</div>

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Character Interviews

Learned: These characters do know what motivates them and what their challenges are… my only stumbling block was whether the answers should represent “before” or “after” the story has undergone its arc. That is, are the characters aware of their futures? However, I allowed them to chat about that, too—what is going to happen and how that will change them. A fun exercise.

QUESTIONS FOR PROTAGONIST<div>

Tell me about yourself.

I’ve been in love with science my entire life; from childhood, picked up rocks and studied with mentors who are at the top of their field. I don’t believe anyone deserves a handout—we’re all supposed to take care of ourselves. When I was young, I was an Ayn Rand fan, and a fiscal/social conservative. But as this story unfolded, I saw things differently. I started to put humanity into the equation. I grew up on a ranch in a Scandinavian family with fundamentalist religious views. I was the only one who didn’t see things the way everyone else did—and I wanted more from the world. My problem is that I just want what I want. I don’t mean to be selfish, but I think I started out that way—I am, at heart, self-oriented, and have had to teach myself how to care more about others. I want to have fun and indulge my brain and body in my work. In the process, I leave others behind. I don’t mean to, but I do. I also don’t think that my “footprint” was really that big. I didn’t think anyone should really care what I was doing—as long as I wasn’t breaking the law, which I wasn’t. But that’s not how life goes. I needed to grow up.

Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?

Because I had the mixture of personality traits and skills to see the story through to the end. You have to mentally understand the science and technology of the situation—while also being callous enough “not to care” what someone is saying about you. I did care, but I had been trained my whole life. Nobody ever understood me in my family, and I was constantly criticized; I had to make my own moral and ethical decisions. I just took that experience into the wider world. I also had to learn the legal system—and scientists can do that. It’s a logical system. My challenge was getting past my naivete to fight in the dirt.

You are up against <the Antagonist>. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you?

Because he’s a snake. He’s not a fair dealer. He lies when he thinks it will get him where he needs to go; he manipulates and preens in front of the public. He loves a news camera. People like that make it impossible to have a real conversation, a true, honest conversation. I learned to get past what was best for me and fight for what was best for the resource—I don’t think he can see past what’s best for him. Not for the public. Not for the state. For him.

In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?

To incorporate and respect the views of others. Even if I care about someone—even if that person is smarter than I am—I am stubborn. My instruction to staff is, “If you want me to do something, make me think it’s my idea.” So, to save myself, to save my friends and family, to save my business, to help my industry, I have to get outside of my own assumption that “I know best about all things.”

What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?

Talking over people, taking over any project, collaborating, and—most importantly—admitting I’m scared, don’t know the answers, and that I have to take advice from experts. The worst part is, legal cases are crap shoots. Even the experts can be wrong.

What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?

I try to appear bullet-proof. I’m so used to being criticized and denigrated in my family, to laughing off or brushing aside really hurtful comments. In order to walk through this hideous process, I’ll need to bare my soul a little. I’ll need to admit that I want someone to love me. I’ll need to admit that I need help.

What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?

Discussed above.

What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?

I don’t want anyone to know I’m scared. They rely on me, and I can’t let them down.

What do you think of <the Antagonist>?

I think he’s an insecure, lying prick.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

Competitors in my business got annoyed that I was doing so well, and put a bug in the ear of the Antagonist, the Acting US Attorney. I don’t know if he believed what they said or just saw an opportunity, but he lied to the judge (because what he said didn’t match the evidence), and got a seizure warrant. He wrongly took a famous find of mine and made worldwide news doing it—and I sued the government for wrongful seizure. This brought the weight of the US court system right down on my back, which started a process that both made me famous and nearly ruined me.

What does it do for your life if you succeed here?

It might change the law. It might save my company. It might keep me from being wrongly convicted. It might save my marriage and my family’s well-being. The stakes are very high for me.

Ask any other questions about their character profile that will help you.

Do you wish you’d done something different, early on?

Yes, I wish I had been more savvy and less naïve, less “eye on what I want” and more protective. I might have been able to get what I wanted without putting myself at risk. But I didn’t. I was brazen and stupid.

QUESTIONS FOR YOUR ANTAGONIST</div><div>

Tell me about yourself.

I have worked hard to get where I am, and somehow people still don’t appreciate my contributions. Others in the office are more respected, but I have better contacts—I used to clerk for the reigning judge in this district, didn’t I? I think that sometimes the ends justify the means, and if you know in your gut that something’s wrong, then something’s wrong. I wish people who were caught red-handed would be more contrite. I really want to show them who’s boss.

Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

My strengths are that I know procedure and the law. I’m good at persuasion. My weaknesses are that I sometimes go too fast and miss details—and I have what you might call an abrasive personality. I mean, I don’t think I have that, but I’ve been told.

Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change?

Because he’s cocky.

What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition?

I get recognized, promoted, get the full-time position of US Attorney. Finally, I’ll get the respect I’m due. I need a high-profile case for this to happen.

What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death?

It’s a contest. Trial law is a contest and I want to win.

What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity?

Sometimes I know I’m spinning facts to make them look worse. But I need the edge, especially when the public loves the Protagonist. I need every edge I can get.

Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?

Well, I wouldn’t say this to just anyone, but I’m smarter than anyone else in the room. They might not realize it, but I can run rings around them. Sometimes, I stumble and look like a goober, and that makes them think I’m dumb. But I’m NOT. I’m telling you, I’M SMARTER THAN YOU.

What do you think of <the Protagonist>?

He’s self-satisfied and thinks he has the world by the tail. I’ll show him.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.

I know that some of the information I got was probably tainted or spun, but it’s too good a story to walk away from. I know I could have approached it differently, but it’s better to play offense. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And when the Protagonist shows all these notes and facts and figures to prove that he’s innocent, I just know he must be lying. He has to be. It’s too good an opportunity for me.

</div>

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Character Profiles Part 2

Learned: That having a “feeling” for a character is different than really fleshing him out. Also, thinking about their profiles creates great hooks to hang action on.

JOE / PROTAGONIST / VICTIM:

Joe’s self-absorption and willingness to ignore procedure get him into the cross-hairs of others in his industry—who feed the Feds exaggerated information. Once the FBI seizes Joe’s property, he has the chance to stand up or fold. He cleans up his attitude, turns all his charisma and intelligence toward his problem, and saves his company, his partners, and his industry.

Age/description: 35, fit, smart, outwardly cocky, just wants to enjoy his life, entrepreneur

Internal Journey: From selfish and childlike to mature, inclusive, and forward-thinking.

External Journey: From rough-around-the-edges small-time entrepreneur to hero of an entire industry

Motivation: To be the best in his business—and to have fun doing it

Wound: Always told he wasn’t good enough

Mission/Agenda: To win

Secret: Thinks he might NOT be good enough

Special because: When shit gets real, he stands up and fights.

What draws us to this character? He’s passionate and endearing; loves his topic like we all wish we could love something.

Traits: Idealistic, naïve, genius-smart but “average” on the outside, driven, independent, low-brow, doesn’t follow conventions, not materialistic

Subtext: Trying to fill the void from childhood / “never good enough” because he was so smart—very backward family found that his strong personality and high achievements caused him to excel beyond his siblings. They valued modesty and a low bar. Eventually, he said, “fuck that.”

Flaw: His naivete—of life and “the system.” His belief that if you’re actually not hurting anyone, everything will be okay.

Values: Fairness, justice, integrity, honesty

Irony: Both wants constant approval and forges on despite what people think or consequences. Everything he does seems like it should make people like him (in his view), but often drives them away.

Why right character for role? Because he has the skills to do the job and the underdog personality to fight when Big Brother tries to take you down. He’s what the white-collar crowd would consider a hillbilly, so they have no idea what they’re getting into.

MR. LITTLE / ANTAGONIST / AUTHORITY:

The Acting US Attorney wants a promotion and he sees an easy target. He wraps his action (seizure of very high-profile property) in some very weak arguments, but plays his position to the hilt. For Mr. Little to make a name for himself, Joe has to be a very, very bad man. The lack of evidence is only a minor obstacle. Joe is so annoying…he must be guilty, right?

Age/description: 45, tired, bad suits, will do anything to be noticed

Internal Journey: Refuses to have one

External Journey: From Acting US Attorney to unemployed

Motivation: Advancement, which is especially satisfying if done on others’ shoulders

Wound: Teased as a child for being boring

Mission/Agenda: To take down the state’s most famous guy

Secret: Could actually be a great barbershop quartet baritone, but is too shy

Special because: He’s willing to go to any lengths—much beyond his and his boss’s comfort zone—to catch his man.

What draws us to this character? His need to succeed is so great that he is a caricature of himself. He bumbles like George Bush Jr with his language and self-sabotages, but also has a steely edge. He actually does know what he’s doing.

Traits: Needy, OCD, bigoted, spiteful, a one-upsman, snooty but from a small Midwestern environment. Therefore, he can only look “so good.”

Subtext: Wants the cool kids to like him, but he’s just such a dick.

Flaw: Hides his humanity and pretends he doesn’t have any.

Values: Justice at all costs, it’s okay to cut corners if it gets you where you need to go, you should climb the ladder if you can.

Irony: If he dropped his performance, he would actually be an effective prosecutor. He’s talented enough, but doubts his abilities.

Why right character for role? His spiteful nature offers a good contrast to the heartfelt puppy-dog persona of the Protagonist. He goes at life in a completely opposite way, which allows both men to be confused by the other.

[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Character Profiles, Part 1

I learned that I had to think hard about the (seemingly obvious) differences between things like “motivation” and “mission.” It’s also easy to oversimplify or ignore things that add greatly to drama (or, in my case, comedy)—such as “what makes them special?” For my antagonist, at first I was so busy thinking about his badness that I forgot he was special at all.

Genre: Comedy

JOE / PROTAGONIST / VICTIM:

Joe’s self-absorption and willingness to ignore procedure get him into the cross-hairs of others in his industry—who feed the Feds exaggerated information. Once the FBI seizes Joe’s property, he has the chance to stand up or fold. He cleans up his attitude, turns all his charisma and intelligence toward his problem, and saves his company, his partners, and his industry.

Age/description: 35, fit, smart, outwardly cocky, just wants to enjoy his life, entrepreneur

Internal Journey: From selfish and childlike to mature, inclusive, and forward-thinking.

External Journey: From rough-around-the-edges small-time entrepreneur to hero of an entire industry

Motivation: To be the best in his business—and to have fun doing it

Wound: Always told he wasn’t good enough

Mission/Agenda: To win

Secret: Thinks he might NOT be good enough

Special because: When shit gets real, he stands up and fights.

MR. LITTLE / ANTAGONIST / AUTHORITY:

The Acting US Attorney wants a promotion and he sees an easy target. He wraps his action (seizure of very high-profile property) in some very weak arguments, but plays his position to the hilt. For Mr. Little to make a name for himself, Joe has to be a very, very bad man. The lack of evidence is only a minor obstacle. Joe is so annoying…he must be guilty, right?

Age/description: 45, tired, bad suits, will do anything to be noticed

Internal Journey: Refuses to have one

External Journey: From Acting US Attorney to unemployed

Motivation: Advancement, which is especially satisfying if done on others’ shoulders

Wound: Teased as a child for being boring

Mission/Agenda: To take down the state’s most famous guy

Secret: Could actually be a great barbershop quartet baritone, but is too shy

Special because: He’s willing to go to any lengths—much beyond his and his boss’s comfort zone—to catch his man.

OTHER CHARACTERS:

Supporting:

• Family and friends (many of whom are Joe’s business partners)
• Staff at Joe’s company
• Joe’s new young wife
• Joe’s various ex-wives
• Joe’s kids (for that matter, everybody’s kids)
• Mr. Little’s investigators
• Judge Richard Butts
• Joe’s competitors/admirers

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Minor: Court staff / witnesses / jurors

Background: Protestors & townsfolk

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[Kristin Donnan]

Kristin’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment: Character arcs seem pretty standard fare, but considering Old and New Ways streamlines the process.

Hero and Character Arc: A founder of a family business makes all decisions based on “what’s fun for him,” ignoring others’ views/feelings or the ramifications of his choices. By the end, he has fought the government in a legal case that makes worldwide headlines—and he does it with honor, thanks to friends he’s made along the way.

Internal Journey: From selfish and childlike to mature, inclusive, and forward-thinking.<div>

External Journey: From rough-around-the-edges small-time entrepreneur to hero of an entire industry.

OLD WAYS

• “All about me”
• Consequences be damned
• Ignores business partners and/or mentors
• Talented, but closed-minded
• Hidden insecurity
• Business can only grow “so far” because of arrogance

NEW WAYS

• Collaborative
• Teaches others “the rules”
• More humble, which increases abilities
• Fights for the little guy
• Takes on the federal government
• Protects and supports business partners

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[Kristin Donnan]

Hi, I’m Kristin. I’ve written a half-dozen or so scripts over the years, and have found a lot of value in ScreenwritingU’s courses. In this class, I believe that in order to streamline “process,” the one-month structure likely integrates a lot of the overall techniques I’ve worked with into “one bite.” I’m also hoping it will help me to focus on efficiency. Unique? At the moment, I’m on the night shifts for a ranch, “calving.” No sleep, helping cows deliver, trying to escape their wrath when borrowing newborns to keep their ears (or whole bodies) from freezing. It will be (insert adjective of choice here) to do this while taking a class.

[Kristin Donnan]

Hey Renee,

I’m finally catching up, and as previously discussed during our live session, I would love to exchange with you if it’s not too late. I’ll be done with my reformatted version this evening…. Might this work for you? If so, my email is kd@kristindonnan.com. Thanks, Kristin

[Kristin Donnan]

Bobby, I just happened to see your “take two,” and chuckled out loud—so I thought I’d better tell you that. It was “no one notices at first.” Funny!

[Kristin Donnan]

Hi Jena!

How fun of you to say. I’ve been pondering it… looking at the characters…

Hmmmmm