Karen Brandin
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Karen Brandin
NOT AGREE, I’ll do the class privately.
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SUBJECT: Karen Brandin Character Intros
What I learned from doing this assignment: Don’t introduce a character doing something mundane, like walking the dog, unless the character does something exciting while doing so.
Character intros:
Charlotte (protagonist) and Iris (Charlotte’s grandmother): While skiing, they both fly off the ski run, and are airborne when they burst through trees where Charlotte crashes into a home’s reindeer decorations. Iris is fine. Charlotte crashed into the decorations so she wouldn’t hit Iris.
Finn (Charlotte’s romantic interest) and John (Finn’s grandfather): They run out of the house to help Charlotte. Finn is a doctor. He checks Charlotte out and determines she needs an x-ray at the hospital. John and Iris realize they knew each other in school and exchange banter. Finn carries Charlotte to his truck while John gives Iris a ride back to her car at the ski resort.
Tina (Charlotte’s cousin): Tina leads a cooking class where all four of the above characters come together. She’s solicitous toward her injured cousin, but teases her by having reindeer cookies as the focus of the class rather than gingerbread men.
REWRITTEN INTRO FOR TINA:
Tina and her four rambunctious kids descend on Charlotte the morning after the accident, bearing baked goods. Food equals love to Tina, so she brings two baskets of muffins, etc. while trying to keep the kids from knocking over Iris’s breakables. She is strict but patient with her kids as they run amok.
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SUBJECT: Karen Brandin, Character Story Beats
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT: The supporting characters aren’t just window dressing, they should have an in-depth character arc that ties in closely with the main character’s arc.
LOGLINE: A former Olympian makes a life pivot from coaching skiers to helping military veterans, requiring her to adjust to her Grandmother’s small town and partner with the town doctor who runs the free Veterans Clinic.
Top 5 Characters:
1. Protagonist: Charlotte McClelland
Character Profile:
Required:
Role: Main protagonist
Core Character Traits: Competitive; Compassionate;
Optional:
Flaw: Clumsy off the ski slope due to inattention and a natural clumsiness.
Want/Need: Help veterans through the damage they sustained in the military. She realizes that life changes can bring fulfillment beyond what she imagined, and adds a richness to daily life.
Character Arc: Goes from counselling people to win to providing survival skills to veterans..
What makes this character unique? Under her competitive streak is a compassionate team player who wants to elevate all of those around her.
Character’s beginning, middle and end:
Beginning: Happy camper counselling the National Ski Team.
Middle: Loses dream job, and feels lost without the tether to the Ski world.
End: Realizes a forced life pivot can lead to a more fulfilling career and personal life.
Beats of their story:
2. Antagonist: Finn, the new town doctor
Character profile:
Required:
Role: Charlotte’s love interest
Core Characteristic: Altruistic, Compassionate
Optional:
Flaw: Takes things at face value, instead of asking questions.
Want/Need: Find someone to share his life with – he believes Charlotte may be that person.
Mission/Agenda: Ensure veterans are well both physically and mentally.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Do no harm – to anyone.
Something they do not want to admit about themselves: He is a Christmas fanatic.
Character’s beginning, middle and end.
Beginning: Happy being single, but is struggling to manage his practice and the Veteran’s Clinic.
Middle: Realizes that he needs to ask for help to serve his community well, and that being unattached romantically might not be serving him well.
End: Loves Charlotte and sets up new programs in support of his veteran patients.
Beats of their story:
3. Connecting character: Tina, Charlotte’s cousin who owns the town bakery
Character Profile:
Required:
Role: Charlotte’s cousin and owner of the town bakery.
Core Characteristic: Food is love.
Character Logline: Family and food are her passion.
Optional:
Flaw: Always trying to stuff people with food, whether it’s good for them or not.
Character logline: Family and food are Tina’s passion, it’s her expression of love for her family and her community.
Mission/Agenda: Feed the world, or at least the town, and teach others to bake.
World View: There is no reason for anyone in the world to be hungry.
What makes this character unique? She sees no reason for diets and fitness. Eat and be happy is her view.
Character’s beginning, middle and end:
Beginning: Sell as many baked goods as possible and teach everyone to bake.
Middle: Evaluates whether she should offer healthier goods to her family and friends.
End: Asks Charlotte to help her get more fit and consults a nutritionist (recommended by Charlotte) to offer healthier alternative baked goods.
Beats of their story:
4. Supporting character for Protagonist: Iris McClelland
Character Profile:
Required:
Role: Charlotte’s grandmother.
Core Characteristic: Love and a strong backbone.
Optional:
Flaw: Sometimes breaks boundaries and tries to “fix” her granddaughter’s love life and future career path.
Want/Need: To decide what her needs are and focus more on herself than interfering with her granddaughter’s life.
Mission/Agenda: Bring Charlotte and the town doc, Finn, together.
Life Metaphor/Identity: When something awful happens give yourself 1 day to cry about it, and the next day move on or at least start to heal.
Something they do not want to admit about themselves: A steamroller.
Character’s beginning, middle and end:
Beginning: Schemes to get Charlotte to stay in town and fall in love with Finn.
Middle: Meets and enjoys the company of John.
End: Let’s Charlotte run her own life, which ironically ends up being exactly what Iris wished for her.
Beats of their story:
5. Supporting characters for Antagonist: John
Character Profile:
Required:
Role: Iris’s love interest and Finn’s grandfather
Core Characteristic: Practical
Optional:
Flaw: Although somewhat set in his old-fashioned ways, he allows his grandson to pull, if not drag, him into the current social world.
Mission/Agenda: See his grandson happy in love since Finn is already settled nicely in his work.
Life Metaphor/Identity: life is short, live every day.
Character’s beginning, middle and end:
Beginning: Attracted to Iris and makes minor efforts to push Finn and Charlotte together.
Middle: Backs off as he sees the sparks between Finn and Charlotte, and successfully develops a friendship with Iris that he’d like to become more.
End: He and Iris care for each other and become exclusive as he learns from Finn that there are many types of relationships, not just dating and marriage.
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SUBJECT: Karen Brandin Character Profiles (Lesson 4)
LOGLINE: A former Olympian makes a life pivot from coaching skiers to helping military veterans, requiring her to adjust to her Grandmother’s small town and partner with the town doctor who runs the free Veterans Clinic.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS LESSON: Changing even one trait of the character can change the flavor of the story, and deepen the interaction between characters.
Character 1 Name: Charlotte McClelland
Required:
Role: Main protagonist
Core Character Traits: Competitive; Compassionate;
Optional:
Flaw: Clumsy off the ski slope due to inattention and a natural clumsiness.
Want/Need: To help others be successful.
Character Arc: Goes from counselling people to win to providing survival skills to veterans..
What makes this character unique? Under her competitive streak is a compassionate team player who wants to elevate all of those around her.
Item improved: Want/Need: Help veterans through the damage they sustained in the military.
How did it improve the character? Gave her a deeper purpose and she learns resiliency from them. She realizes that life changes can bring fulfillment beyond what she imagined, and adds a richness to daily life
What might it do to your story? Provide a deeper story and core character development.
Character 2:
Required:
Role: Iris McClelland, Charlotte’s grandmother.
Core Characteristic: Love and a strong backbone.
Optional:
Flaw: Sometimes breaks boundaries and tries to “fix” her granddaughter’s love life and future career path.
Want/Need: To see Charlotte happy in her career and personal life.
Mission/Agenda: Bring Charlotte and the town doc, Finn, together.
Life Metaphor/Identity: When something awful happens give yourself 1 day to cry about it, and the next day move on or at least start to heal.
Something they do not want to admit about themselves: A steamroller.
Item improved: Want/Need: To decide what her needs are and focus more on herself than interfering with her granddaughter’s life.
How did it improve the character? Gave Iris her life back changing the focus to what her life needs to be full again.
What might it do to your story? Still gives Charlotte the support from her grandmother, but allows her more freedom to make up her own mind on her life choices.
Character 3: Finn , the new town doc
Required:
Role: Charlotte’s love interest
Core Characteristic: Altruistic, Compassionate
Optional:
Flaw: Takes things at face value, instead of asking questions.
Want/Need: Be in a relationship with Charlotte
Mission/Agenda: Ensure veterans are well both physically and mentally.
Character Arc
World View
Life Metaphor/Identity: Do no harm – to anyone.
Secret
Something they do not want to admit about themselves: He is a Christmas fanatic.
Item improved: Want/Need: Find someone to share his life with – he believes Charlotte may be that person.
How did it improve the character? He realizes he doesn’t just want to date her, that they could have a forever in their future.
What might it do to your story? Raises the stakes when they have a major disagreement.
Character 4: John, the former doc in town
Required:
Role: Iris’s love interest and Finn’s grandfather
Core Characteristic: Practical
Optional:
Flaw: Set in his old-fashioned ways.
Mission/Agenda: See his grandson happy in love since Finn is already settled nicely in his work.
Life Metaphor/Identity: life is short, live every day.
Item improved: Flaw: Although somewhat set in his old-fashioned ways, he allows his grandson to pull, if not drag, him into the current social world.
How did it improve the character? He sees a wider view of people in his world and is more accepting of those who don’t do what he thinks they should.
What might it do to your story? Create some drama between Finn and his grandfather – it’s not all sunshine and ski slopes.
Character 5: Tina
Required:
Role: Charlotte’s cousin and owner of the town bakery.
Core Characteristic: Food is love.
Character Logline: Family and food are her passion.
Optional:
Flaw: Always trying to stuff people with food, whether it’s good for them or not.
Mission/Agenda: Feed the world, or at least the town, and teach others to bake.
World View: There is no reason for anyone in the world to be hungry.
What makes this character unique? She sees no reason for diets and fitness. Eat and be happy is her view.
Item improved: Character logline: Family and food are Tina’s passion, it’s her expression of love for her family and her community.
How did it improve the character? Broadened and deepened her goal and character from someone who just wants to stuff everyone, to a person who sees the hunger in the world and wants to help all.
What might it do to your story? Brings a broader viewpoint for this character, and let’s the viewer know the town appreciates and respects her – in spite of the fact that her caring nature adds pounds that townspeople have to ski off.
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Karen Brandin Story Beats
What I’ve learned doing this assignment: how to quickly identify weak beats/story elements and either remove, consolidate or beef up those beats.
NOTE: I only had time to outline the beats and identify those that need to be reworked or deleted, but the actual writing of the improved beats will have to wait for the weekend.
LOGLINE: Former Olympian loses her job with the National Ski Team, so she must overcome the emotional, financial and business challenges of a major life pivot.
BEATS OF THE STORY:
1. EXT. SMALL MOUNTAIN SKI TOWN AND RESORT – EARLY AFTERNOON
Overhead view of the picturesque Main Street of the town of Ornament. Christmas decorations add sparkle to lamp posts and store fronts. The view ends at a ski resort where …
2. EXT. BOTTOM OF THE SKI LIFT – DAY
CHARLOTTE and her grandmother IRIS(70) put on their skis. Laughing and joking with each other.
3. EXT. SKI LIFT – DAY
Charlotte and Iris get on the lift chair for the ride to the top of the mountain. They discuss Charlotte’s contract as a National Ski Team counsellor. To get her mind off of it, Iris challenges Charlotte to a race.
4. EXT. TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN SKI RUNS – DAY
Grams and Charlotte make a bet that the loser of the race has to buy at the town bakery after the ski run. They start down the hill over Charlotte’s objections.
5. EXT. SKI SLOPE – DAY
Charlotte and Iris race down the ski slope, Iris leading the way and picking up speed while Charlotte tries to get her to slow down. They go off the ski run, whipping through trees. As they clear the forest, Charlotte avoids hitting Iris but crashes into a home’s reindeer display.
6. EXT. FRONT LAWN OF A CHALET – DAY
The homeowner, who is the town doc (Finn), and his grandfather (John) get the reindeer off Charlotte and check her for injuries. John talks about seeing the women literally fly out of the trees, ending in Charlotte sliding under the plastic reindeer.
7. EXT. FRONT OF GARAGE – DAY
Meet cute between Finn’s grandfather, John, and Iris. They realize they knew each other in high school. Finn puts Charlotte into his truck and drives her to the hospital.
8. INT. SMALL TOWN HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – DAY
While Charlotte gets an x-ray and examination, Iris and John chat in the waiting room. She tells him about Charlotte’s skiing career and current job, as well as relationship status. John is more interested in catching up with Iris.
9. EXT. HOSPITAL E.R. ENTRANCE – DAY
Charlotte thanks Finn for his help. She invites him to dinner the next night. He says yes.
10. INT. IRIS’S HOME – DAY
Iris tends to Charlotte, who is getting stiff and has a headache. Charlotte and her friend/coworker Janine have a video phone conversation. Janine gives Charlotte the bad news that Charlotte’s contract with the Ski Team definitely won’t be renewed.
11. INT. SPARE BEDROOM IN IRIS’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Alone, with no need to put up a brave front, Charlotte asks herself, now what?
12. INT. IRIS’S HOME – NIGHT
The two grandparents decide to play matchmakers to get Finn and Charlotte together. The grandparents plan for all of them to go to a cookie-decorating class in two days. John offers to put up Christmas lights on the outside of Iris’s house.
13. INT. IRIS’S HOME – NIGHT
Finn wakes Charlotte up when he calls from the front of her grandmother’s house, where he’s been ringing the doorbell to no avail. She scrambles into clothes and meets him on the front stoop.
14. EXT. IRIS’S HOME – NIGHT
Charlotte walks out and they walk to Finn’ truck. She tells him she made a reservation at an Italian restaurant. Turns out it’s his favorite restaurant in town, mentions they’ll follow the smell of garlic.
15. I/E. MARCELLA’S RISTORANTE ON MAIN STREET – NIGHT
They enjoy getting to know each other around Charlotte’s mishaps with meatballs. Finn tells her about the free Veteran’s Clinic that he and his PA run. Charlotte offers to fill in as a counsellor at the clinic until the new one starts in January. Her grandfather and father were in the military, so she feels drawn to veterans.
16. EXT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT ON MAIN STREET – NIGHT
Finn and Charlotte exit the restaurant and decide to go from a stroll.
17. EXT. MAIN ST. – NIGHT
They walk down Main St. Charlotte gets tangled in a Santa air dancer. Finn helps her out of it. They almost have their first kiss until they’re interrupted by one of the veterans walking by.
18. INT. IRIS’S KITCHEN – DAY
Iris teases Charlotte about her date with Finn. Charlotte says she’s going to the toy store with Finn but will be back home that afternoon to get Christmas decorations out of the attic.
19. EXT. STARDUST AND ROCKETS TOY SHOP – DAY
Charlotte joins Finn at the toy store. They get toys to give to the veterans’ kids on Christmas Eve. Charlotte knocks over a ball display, sending balls over aisles and into customers. Charlotte tells Finn the store reminds her of her parents, who have passed.
20. EXT. FINN’S OFFICE AND THE ATTACHED CLINIC – DAY
Charlotte admires the facade of Finn’s office, and the attached Veterans Clinic.
21. INT. FINN’S OFFICE – DAY
Finn gives Charlotte a tour of the Veteran’s Clinic, where she’ll be working. The two of them wrap the gifts for the kids. Charlotte meets Sue, Finn’s Office Manager. Finn and Charlotte have a short squirt gun fight, where they end up soaking the pizza delivery guy.
22. INT. IRIS’S HOME – DAY
Charlotte and Iris get the Christmas tree decorations and exterior lights from the attic. Charlotte teases Iris about having a “boyfriend”.
23. EXT. IRIS’S HOME – DAY
John and Charlotte are on ladders, stringing lights from the eaves of Iris’s house, when Charlotte loses her balance. Finn shows up in time to keep her from bouncing off of the driveway.
24. INT. TINA’S BAKERY SHOP ON MAIN – DAY
Meet Charlotte’s cousin Tina, owner of a bakery in town. She teases Charlotte about her accident by having the class decorate reindeer gingerbread cookies versus gingerbread men. Charlotte and Finn are surprised to see each other at the cookie decorating class. Charlotte accidentally squirts icing on Finn, then slips on the icing. Finn slows her fall, but goes down with her.
25. EXT. BAKERY SHOP – DAY
Finn offers to give Charlotte a ride home, which she accepts.
26. INT. IRIS’S HOME AND KITCHEN – DAY
Iris asks John to the Christmas Ball. Iris and Charlotte talk about the family pictures they saw on the bakery walls, the ones with Charlotte’s grandfather in particular. Charlotte leaves for her first day at the Veteran’s Clinic.
27. INT. VETERAN’S CENTER – SAME TIME
Charlotte meets a group of the veterans relaxing at the Clinic. They tease her about already being a legend in town. They’re impressed with how well she takes the teasing and gives it back. Charlotte starts her volunteer work of counselling the veterans.
28. INT. VETERAN’S CLINIC – DAY
Charlotte’s friend Janine sets up a video chat for Charlotte to counsel two female members of the ski team who are having confidence issues. The girls see Finn in the background at the end of the session, and tease Charlotte about her new “boyfriend”. Janine “meets” Finn toward the end of the call.
29. EXT. VETERAN’S CLINIC – NIGHT
Finn and Charlotte watch tourists take pictures with the huge ornaments scattered in the park across the street from the Clinic. Charlotte and Finn talk about loving the views from town, but that pictures in nature are even better than in the park. Finn tells her that Ornament seems to be working its magic on her.
30. EXT. MAIN ST. – DAY
Finn invites Charlotte to go to the Ball with him to protect him from the town gossips marrying him off if he shows up with someone from town. Charlotte says yes, but blackmails him into helping her get, and decorate, a tree for Iris.
31. INT. HARVEY’S DINER ON MAIN ST. – DAY
Over lunch, Charlotte and Iris tell each other about their dates for the Ball. Charlotte asks Iris to get a dress for her. Iris agrees as she loves to shop for Charlotte.
32. EXT. FINN’S OFFICE AND THE ATTACHED CLINIC – DAY
Finn and Charlotte head out to get Iris a tree. Instead of getting a tree from the tree lot in the park, Finn insists they go to his property to get a tree. Charlotte agrees.
33. EXT. FINN’S YARD – DAY
Finn says the inbound counselor took another job and offers the one at the Vet Clinic to Charlotte. She looks at the scenery and tells him, maybe she could live in Ornament. They nearly kiss when squirrels jumping from tree-to-tree cause piles of snow to fall on Finn and Charlotte. One squirrel latches onto Charlotte’s hat causing her to panic, until Finn gets it off. Finn won’t let Charlotte near the chain saw for the tree. Once it’s down, Charlotte “helps” him carry it, but drops her end several times.
34. INT. IRIS’S HOME – DAY
Finn puts the tree in the stand for Iris, but can’t stay to decorate it. He and Charlotte go to work at the clinic. John and Iris decorate the tree, growing closer as Iris tells John the family stories behind some of the most cherished ornaments. They head out to lunch after finishing the tree.
35. INT. THE VETERAN’S CLINIC – SAME TIME
Charlotte’s conversation with Finn shows she’s definitely leaning toward staying in Ornament. She has a phone conversation with a deep-pocketed patron of the Ski Team, who agrees to donate to the Clinic to support the new programs Charlotte wants to institute. The patron offers up his financial team to help Charlotte stand up her business.
36. EXT. NACHO NORMAL TACO FOOD TRUCK PARKING LOT – DAY
Charlotte tells Finn about the patron and nervously explains the new activities, etc. she wants to implement at the Clinic. The caveat being, the patron wants her in charge of running the business side of the Clinic. Finn says perfect.
37. INT. IRIS’S HOME – NIGHT
Charlotte and Iris are dressed for the Ball. They talk about feeling like Cinderellas, then head out.
38. I/E. TOWN EVENT CENTER – NIGHT
The two couples dance. Finn dips Charlotte and leans over to kiss her, but one of the veterans interrupts the move, grinning at Finn. Finn again expresses his love for the town. The two items Finn and Charlotte donated to the silent auction bring in the highest bids, and it turns out they each bought the other’s donation – a private ski lesson from Charlotte and Finn’s was dinner for two at the Italian restaurant.
39. INT. VETERAN’S CLINIC – CHRISTMAS EVE – DAY
The patron comes through with the funding for the new programs Charlotte wants to implement. He explains that his son is a veteran, and struggled with PTSD, so the patron is happy to do it. Finn misunderstands a conversation he overhears between Charlotte and Janine, that sounds like Charlotte will return to the city permanently. Finn is cold when Charlotte tells him the good news about the funding. He tells her she should return to the city and not stay in Ornament. He leaves, barely saying good-bye.
40. INT. IRIS’S HOME – NIGHT
John and Iris talk about spending many more holidays together after he gives her a reindeer ornament that says, “Our First Christmas Together” in honor of how they met. Charlotte explains how cold Finn was, that he seemed to change his mind about them working together. She’s hurt and confused. Iris says she wanted to invite John and Finn over for Christmas brunch the next day, but now . . . John says that he’ll see if he can get Finn to talk about it.
41. EXT. FINN’S FRONT LAWN – DAY
While Finn shovels his driveway on Christmas Day , John gets him to talk about why he’s upset. John tells him the straight story, that Charlotte wants to stay in Ornament. Finn looks over at the reindeer on the lawn, smiles, and asks John to help him with his plan to mend things with Charlotte. John agrees.
42. EXT. IRIS’S HOME – DAY
Finn and John show up on Iris’s front lawn, with a reindeer. John knocks on the door, then stands back as Finn starts blaring the song “All I Want For Christmas Is You” from his phone. Charlotte, Iris, Tina and family spill out of the front door. Charlotte smiles and trips while walking to Finn. They both fall in the snow, then kiss. Before Charlotte and Finn go into the house, Finn looks at the reindeer and says, “thanks”. When he turns away, there’s a twinkle in the reindeer’s eye.
BEATS REQUIRING REWRITE/DELETION/COMBINATION WITH OTHER BEATS
39: Donation is too contrived. Rework another way for funding to come into the Clinic.
37: Unnecessary, delete.
36: Rework. Charlotte should not run the clinic, only her business from the clinic and her schedule for donating her time to the veterans.
35: Rework to beef up the patron portion of the beat.
31: Give more substance to this beat so it’s not all about a dress.
28: Delete? Introduces Charlotte’s best friend Janine to Finn, but is that necessary?
27: Expand as this is at the heart of the story – Finn and Charlotte fall in love while helping veterans.
25: Combine with 24.
23: Add more meaningful dialogue between John and Charlotte to this scene while they’re stringing the Christmas lights.
20: Combine with 21.
16: Combine with 17.
14: Combine with 13.
11: Combine with 10.
9: Combine with 8.
2: Combine with 3.
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GRANDDAUGHTER GOT RUNOVER BY A REINDEER STRUCTURE
LESSON 2 HOMEWORK FROM HAL’S REVISION CLASS
Main conflict: Former Olympian loses her job with the National Ski Team, so she has to overcome the emotional, financial and business challenges of a major life pivot.
Opening: Beth, the protagonist, gets run over by reindeer when she and her grandmother veer off a ski run, where they meet the new and old town doctors.
Inciting Incident: When Beth receives the disappointing call that her contract as a counsellor with the ski team has not been renewed, she’s adrift with no professional or personal anchors. She doesn’t know where or how to start the business she’s dreamed of, as an inspirational speaker and counsellor.
By Page 10: Beth’s dilemma and struggles are clear, and she’s met her future romance in this holiday rom-com.
First turning point at the end of Act 1: Beth fills in at Doc Finn’s free clinic for veterans until his new counsellor can get there after the first of the year. She discovers she has an affinity for the veterans.
Mid-Point: Beth’s grandmother and Doc Finn try to convince her that she can run her business from her grandmother’s small town of Ornament. Beth is still leaning toward setting up her office in the city.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2: Beth decides to stay in Ornament, and puts in a bid on a building an with an apartment above it. She no longer sees city life as her only option for success.
Crisis: The building she wants to buy doesn’t pass homeowners inspection. The seller refuses to fix the issues, which will cost Beth more money. There are may offices available in the city because more people work from home now, making it more affordable.
Climax: Finn offers part of the Veteran’s Clinic offices to Beth so she doesn’t have to worry about the issues in the other building. Her monthly payments would be donated to the Clinic. A misunderstanding between Beth and Finn causes a rift in their relationship, including Finn encouraging Beth to return to the city.
Resolution: Finn’s grandfather clears up the misunderstanding. Finn realizes he’s been hasty and hurtful to Beth. He does a grand gesture, including reindeer, to apologize and make up for it – which Beth accepts. They look forward to working together and developing their relationship.
NOTE: It is difficult to bust cliches and be fresh while working within the confines of the holiday script genre, but I’m giving it a go.
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Hi – Karen Brandin here. I’ve written 2 scripts (plus 5 rewrites), and am in the process of writing two TV pilots. I hope to learn an in-depth revision process to measurably up the quality of my scripts. It’s not unique, but I am a military veteran who spent over 10 years on active duty with the Air Force. Look forward to working with all of you.
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Granddaughter Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Karen Brandin
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is to drill down to the core of the story both in the logline and in the goals of the characters.
GENRE/LOGLINE: Holiday Rom Com/A former Olympian makes a life pivot from coaching skiers to helping military veterans, requiring her to adjust to her Grandmother’s small town and partnership with the town doctor who runs the free Veterans Clinic.
THEME/IDEA: Forced life changes are challenging at first, but often lead to a happier path.
TAGLINE:
WORLD OF THE SHOW: Small town life in which veterans form the core of the populace, with all of their quirks, snarky outlooks and resistance to help from the new counsellor in town, whom they dub “The Skiing Shrink”. Surrounded by ski resorts, most people in town ski, and love to poke fun at their resident, former Olympian after she crashes off the slopes into a holiday display.
WHY THIS STORY? WHY NOW? It shows the humor and resilience that American veterans use in their every day life to overcome the challenges they face every day in adjusting to “normalcy”.
CHARACTERS:
Charlotte McClelland (29) – One-time Olympic skier, now a counsellor. Huge klutz.
Finn (32) – New town doctor, well-liked, provides free medical care to military veterans.
Iris McCelland (69) – Charlotte’s grandmother, taught her to ski, widow.
John (69) – Retired town doctor and Finn’s grandfather. Sweet on Iris since high school.
SYNOPSIS: Former Olympian Charlotte is adrift when she loses her contract as a counsellor to the U.S. National ski team. She visits her grandmother, Iris, in the small Colorado town of Ornament while she tries to figure out where her life goes now. Hearing about the need for a temporary counsellor at the Veteran’s Clinic, Iris introduces Charlotte to Finn, who has only been the town doctor for a year. Charlotte takes the temporary job to help the veterans. Poetry in motion on the slopes, Charlotte is a klutz everywhere else. However, while skiing, Grams careens off the ski run onto private land. Charlotte follows and crashes into the home’s reindeer decorations. Finn’s grandfather, lifts Donner and Blitzen off of Charlotte and gets her to Finn’s clinic. Ok, she wreaks havoc at the toy store, and is attacked by falling piles of snow and a parachuting squirrel in a forest. All of which quickly makes her a legend in town, especially to the veterans, who adopt her as one of their own. Rather than scaring Finn away, he is more and more drawn to Charlotte, and her daily adventures. Realizing she can run her counselling and speaking practice from Ornament, she buys a building near Finn’s clinic. Their relationship progresses until Finn misunderstands a conversation he overhears. He turns distant and encourages Charlotte to return to the city. Christmas Day Finn’s grandfather tells him the real situation, leaving Finn to figure out a heartfelt gesture to show Charlotte how sorry he is – with the help of the veterans.
Creator’s qualifications: On active duty with the Air Force for over 10 years. Screenwriting mentee of former Paramount President, David Kirkpatrick.
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Karen Brandin, I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Douglas, LOVE your premise. I can see Michael Caine in this, and Blythe Danner as Blanche. Karen
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Just feedback on the 1 pager would be great, thank you. Karen
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Hi Patricia – Although I’m working the revision to a holiday script for this course, I am also creating, and writing the pilot for, a historical one hour drama. It isn’t set as far back as yours, my project is at the turn of the 20th century, but I know what you’ve done/are doing as far as research, etc. Would you like to partner up? My email is: Karen.Brandin@gmail.com
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Hey Bob – Thanks for reaching out. Yes, it would be great to be script partners. I read through all the posts, but will reread your project and send an email with comments. Looking forward to it. My email is Karen.Brandin@gmail.com Cheers, Karen