[Laurie Brown]

The Binge- Worthy Example I chose is THE DIPLOMAT.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that by digging deeper I can see more intrigue. I wonder, however, if it’s better for an audience not to have to dig deep. Maybe it requires less of them to get engaged in the binge.

1. Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show? Will Kate keep the U.S. out of war with Iran and become the VP of the United States?

2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting? The irony that Kate is the chosen one when Hal has always been the Diplomat. Why Kate and not Hal makes both characters intriguing. Kate is definitely all business, and not easily impressed. She doesn’t like formalities. But she follows the rules. Hal is a cynical, know it all. He doesn’t like being second fiddle. Doesn’t follow the rules, and is a schemer. He’s secretive. He’s famous but no one wants to work with him. (according to Kate)

3. Empathy / Distress
Ask this: What situations causes us to feel both empathy and distress for these characters? We have empathy for Kate being put in such an important role and stressful job. To stop a war before it starts. Empathy for being a woman in this world. Distress that she’s a woman in this world dealing with all men and their actions that affect the outcome of her work.

4. Layers / Open Loops
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?

a. What is going on. Why do they constantly want to get Kate alone. The President? The Prime Minister? Whatsup with Secy of State, Ganon? Secy’ of state put off by her being so involved already. Acc’ding to her guide at the embassy they already want to trash her. She’s on long list for getting cleared. The important charge for her is the need to keep U.S. president off air. VP also is a hot head.

b. How did husband grab her out of a photo op and into prime minister’s office? Revisit that scene. How is Hal working behind the scenes? Who is Meg Roylin and how is Hal involved with her? What was the conversation about her aide calling him(Hal) Hal. First time? He gets what? Irony. She is not Cinderella but they can’t fire Cinderella, what does this mean?

c. They don’t sleep in the same bed. Hal knows the plan with the President that she doesn’t know yet. Says he will save the marriage so she can become VP. She hates formalities but will get used to them slowly, like a frog in water. Conspiracy to get her into V.P.

d. What did the woman inject into Hal? Who was she? Why did they have to kidnap him to get him on the call with Iran?

e. We’re going to lose the vice president? Why? Is Wyler a VP candidate. Why did she check the sheets.

5. Inviting Obsession
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?

a. Will they divorce? Will there be war? Will she be vice president? What’s the secret plan between Britain and the U.S. Will the U.S. or Britain go to war with Iran?

[Laurie Brown]

Hi, there.

My name is Laurie Brown. I’ve written five scripts. I’m hoping to get a binge worthy TV project out of this class AND a completely new experience, writing with my AI assistant! I write stories about women who set out on journeys to change the world – most of them true and I own life story rights for them. But in this class I’m looking forward to writing complete fiction and I hope it ends up to be funny, too!

[Laurie Brown]

1. Laurie Brown

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown’s Producer/Manager

What I learned today is that by framing the pitch in two different ways I came up with unique pitches for both the project and myself. Also, I didn’t go back to a previous version of the logline or concept and that opened me to create something new.

To a producer I would I would present myself as

I own the story rights to an inspirational drama, WOODY, the true story of a successful advertising executive, who, when faced with the shocking suicide of her husband of ten years, successfully takes her case to the Attorney General and Congress, who together uncover the alarming web of lies and collusion behind the selling of antidepressants and the companies who peddle them – issues still present today. I am Laurie Brown, an optioned and award-winning screenwriter who writes true stories of women who are on a mission to change the world.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

I am Laurie Brown, an optioned and award-winning screenwriter. I have written five scripts based on women who make it their mission to change the world, including WOODY, the true story of Kim Witzcak, a successful advertising executive who successfully takes on Big Pharma – in the Courts and in Congress – uncovering the alarming truth behind the deceptive marketing of antidepressants in a valiant attempt to warn others, before it’s too late for them, too.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Marketable Components

What I learned by doing this assignment is that I have many marketable components with my script. Hard to say which are really the best but I chose the following to work with here

Current Log Line

The true story of a grief stricken advertising executive who sues Pfizer for the wrongful death of her husband, Woody, and in the process of discovery, delivers hundreds of unsealed documents to Congress that uncover a conspiracy to spare the multibillion dollar antidepressant market by hiding the suicide risk of the drugs meant to lessen it.

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[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Project and Market

What I learned today is this is going to be fun.

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.

Drama based on a true story.

WOODY

A successful advertising executive sues Pfizer for the wrongful death of her husband, Woody, and in the process gets documents unsealed, that in the hands of Congress, uncover a conspiracy between the FDA and the drug companies they regulate.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

It’s a true “David vs. Goliath” story about a the most widely known pharmaceutical company that is leading the industry with new drugs that consumers are currently questioning in spite of the FDA assurances and how one woman challenged them taking her story all the way to the U.S. Congress.

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — Managers with production companies. Because I have enough good scripts ready to go, one which was optioned and was an award winning finalist, both of which are very timely.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) First Three Decisions

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it is hard not to make this more complicated than it needs to be.

1. Profound truth? Setting impossible goals and unattainable ideals in order to feel loved will lead to losing the love you hoped to gain.

2. Audience CHANGE this movie is about? Time to let go of unrealistic goals because real success lies in loving those in my life.

3. Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story through? This is a “as it happened true story of how a daughter emulates her father’s colossal business success as a way to earn the love he withheld until she finally sees herself in him.”

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown has Amazing Descriptions

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it just gets better and better with each draft.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown Descriptive 1

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I am really internalizing the lessons and it shows. I did an entire pass using this lesson but didn’t do a before and after. It takes long enough to go from beginning to end and make changes.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown has Great Dialogue

What I learned from doing this lesson was that I am beginning to internalize the interest techniques and dialogue hacks.

this assignment took me forever, but I’m glad I stuck with it. I didn’t, however, see that I was to highlight five before/after dialogue lines so I’ve lost the before dialogue. I can say that I changed almost every line of dialogue as a result of this assignment.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown’s Dialogue 7-8

What I learned from doing this assignment is that very small changes in the dialogue add intrigue and open loops for later episodes and seasons.

GERI
SUBTEXT
Before : Really? So then the Army knows the real cause of mother’s death. After: Oh, really, father? Did the police stop you?

Difference it makes: Subtext here is stronger than naming what she was talking about since it is not really clear before this that she caught on to that nuance. Mentioning police is a pointer to what she is talking about.

Before: Oh, no, no. Nothing is wrong
After: Oh, no, no. Nothing is wrong at least not since you returned.

Difference: Adding not since you returned points to the fact that Leo had done something wrong before he returned. Also creates a mystery. Return from where? What?

Before: Leo, I’d like to promote you to a Secret Operative of the Dept. of Interior. You’ll remain a lieutenant, but will officially work for the federal government, not the Army.

After: Leo, I’d like to offer you a promotion. In this new position you will work for the federal government, not the Army.

Difference:
Before: So no one will know who I am?
After: How will I do my job?
Before: But that’s true now.
After: No one will know anything has changed.

Difference: Before lays out where he works. Subtext points to a secret and a change of who he works for and implies it will be a secret.

ACTION

Before: I don’t know what you’re talking about Geraldine but I’ve just about had enough of your disrespect. I came her to wish you well, but you are your typical indolent self. Good luck with Lt. Dahnert.

After: Maybe Lt. Dahnert can knock some sense into you. I’m through worrying about you.

Difference: His action of changing the subject is much stronger. Plus. Knock some sense into you foreshadows a potential threat.

Before: GERI
Where did you get these pictures, Mrs. Johnson? MRS. JOHNSON
She wanted you to have them.
After: MRS. JOHNSON
She would’ve wanted you to have them.

Difference: The before line, implies that Mrs. Johnson knew that Bonnie wanted her to give them to Geri. The second line is action dialogue because she is not answering the question by misdirecting the answer. This raises intrigue re: where did Mrs. Johnson get the pictures.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown’s Dialogue 4 – 6

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I’ve done a pretty good job of anticipatory dialogue and set ups but pay offs and especially irony needs some work..

I made many changes, adding ironic dialogue/vs. action . I worked on pay offs, making them more succinct and positioned them as reveals, but in many cases decided to pay off by revealing only a clue, often creating another set up in the reveal, or an open loop.

I don’t have examples because I changed it all on my script before I read that I needed examples. I’ll consider that in the future.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown’s Dialogue 1 + 2

What I learned doing this assignment is that I tend to make bland characters and by adding in things from the character profile, it really helps to flesh them out and elevate them, making them not only more likeable but more interesting.

1. I rewrote at least three scenes using Attack/Counterattack dialogue.

2. I changed a scene between Geri and her father. Before the scene lent continuity and also showed a change in their relationship via Geri’s now flippant vs obedient dialogue. After, I added another layer to the scene, by showing a difference in their ethics around secrets and an open issue between them re: Geri’s mother’s death. By doing this I was able to show the real tension between Geri and her father, even though it is not directly addressed anywhere else. This tension between uncovering and covering the truth (different agendas) has much higher stakes than a father and daughter getting along (or not) at Geri’s graduation.

3. I took Leo’s character and checked every line of his dialogue throughout the entire pilot to make sure it delivers something from their Character Profile.

4. Doing this really helped to flesh out Leo’s character more. He is a very complicated character and his very identity is in question for anyone who picks up the cues. There are so many secrets around Leo that there must be some key markers that define him, and they can be found now in the framework and in his dialogue- at least now, far more than before.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown Completed P/S Grid #2

What I learned from doing this lesson is how my outline seems to be the big issue.

What I did was reworked the outline according to changes I made in the script yesterday. That was a lot to add those scenes to the outline. While I did that I made changes to the scenes based on Grid #2. The ones I focused on most were related to Geri’s character, specifically her wound and her base emotions and public mask. I also clarified some of the reveals, using more subtext and tried to make the arc stronger on weak scenes. I read through the intrigue emphasis for each scene and made sure that I was focusing the scene to emphasize that intrigue method. I still see lots of work to do, but it’s coming together. I am fortunate to be able to work on this for many hours each day and keep moving. Perhaps I should give it a break, but I think I will cover what I uncover between lessons in future drafts.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown’s Completed P/S Grid #1

What I learned doing this assignment is that my outline has defined the Teaser and the Acts quite well, but the turning points needed to be stronger and the scenes more pointed to the turning points.

What I did for this assignment was worked on my structure, midpoint and week turning points. To work on the structure I listed one or two sentences for each Act (again) and made sure that each beat in that act fulfilled the Act’s purpose. Specifically I made it clearer how Act 2 was a cover for the real story and how the midpoint changed the covert cover in Act 2 to have Geri reeling from her new sense of freedom and empowering her to work on her impossible goal, especially because she is now on to her new plan.

I tried to make the midpoint scene in a shocking way, but not sure it does that. It does show a change in Geri from the obedient “follow the rules” Geri, who has been a cover for the fiesty Geri who is out to uncover the truth, to an exciting beginning to the start of the impossible goal which will be a necessary step to be accomplished in the real story. I made the midpoint stronger, added a few scenes that hint back to the real story, and begin to tie together the impossible goal and the real story.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown Finished Act 4 & 5

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the speed writing has a momentum and working this fast is very gratifying. Especially since I know how many drafts are ahead. Sticking to the outline is going better and it is really smart to do it. Otherwise, my mind starts thinking about the big picture vs. writing scenes and it takes me out of the speed writing zone.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown Finished Act 3

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it’s hard to stop speed writing.

I love speed-writing and as long as I don’t stop for more than five minutes I don’t polish my writing. I am using what I wrote in the outline but sometimes the turning points don’t seem as strong as they should be but I’m assuming I will work on that when I go through the draft revisions later. I’d give myself an A- or B+ overall on the speed writing with emphasis on stick to the outline.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown Finished Act 2

What I learned from this assignment is that it’s hard for me to not edit for grammar and spelling but I continue to try.

Rule 1 (empowerment): Grade A: I feel very empowered by this class. However I work on FEELING empowered before I sit down to write.

Rule 2 (draft writing understanding): Grade A: I am writing as a draft and the indication I take to be evidence that I am is that new material is cropping up and more layers emerging that I didn’t expect, even while following the outline.

Rule 3 (speed over quality): Grade A: YES!

Rule 4 (starting w/o answers): Grade A: Only after years of Hal’s classes do I have the confidence (finally) that everything will work out. Let go.

Rule 5 (keep moving): Grade A: YES. Can barely stop me now.

Rule 6 (can’t now/will later): Grade B: Problem is I forget.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown Finished Act 1 FIRST DRAFT

What I learned from this assignment is that I love speed writing.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown Finished Act 1 First Draft

What I learned from doing this assigment is that I wanted to leave out an important scene to do it later, BUT, I listened to Hal’s suggestion to follow the outline and I went back and put it in.

[Laurie Brown]

Subject line: (Laurie Brown’s) Outline with Intrigue

What I learned from doing this assignment is how each pass elevates the script. It really makes so much sense to only choose one main intrigue for each scene in order for it to have an impact. Even if there could be more, using the distinctions of each makes for a more powerful scene.

INT. LOCATION – DAY: MAIN INTRIGUE OUTLINE: THE CORP TRUTH
Teaser:

Essence: Geri Martin adores her mother and would do anything to make her happy, including being a fill-in for her cold, absent father, until she finds her mother in a pool of blood.

INT. MARTIN KITCHEN – DAY – INTRIGUING WORLD

Geri (15) pretends to be her father, Col. Martin, to her depressed mother Bonnie Martin, in a monologue aimed at making up for him missing their anniversary. She promises a special surprise and dinner at the Officer’s Club.

Start: Geri eats breakfast pretending to be her father and her mom is laughing and having fun

Challenging Situation: Her mother is unhappy because her father isn’t home on their anniversary

Conflict: Geri takes the pills away from her mom and says she doesn’t need them today, It’s going to be a good day.

Action: she plays the pretend good husband and says she has a surprise tonight before they go out to dinner

Finish: As Geri heads off for school her mom takes her valium.

Open Loop: Who is Geri imitating?

Mystery: What is the surprise she promises.

Empathy/Distress: Geri is taking care of her mother who is depressed.

Payoff:

Irony: Daughter is taking care of the mother.

Setup: For Colonel Martin. For Geri’s loyalty and sense of responsibility. For

trouble with Bonnie Martin. For their love for eachother.

EXT SCHOOL – DAY – MYSTERY

Geri races the taunting boys out the door with something in her hand that she is racing home to share her special surprise with her mom. Surprised, she must jimmy open the locked door running in the house to find her mom in a pool of blood.

Turning Point: Geri finds her mom in a pool of blood a hat and $100 bill at the scene.

Start: Gerry is happy and excited and beating the boys in a race

Challenging Situation: The boys taunt her when she runs and she’s in a

hurry.

Conflict: She gets home and the door is locked!

Action: She jimmies the lock like she knows how, runs into the kitchen

Finish: Finds her mother in a pool of blood.

Open Loop: How did she die. Whose hat?

Mystery: Is she dead? Who killed her?

Empathy/Distress: Poor Geri AND Bonnie.

Payoff: The straight A report card was the surprise.

Irony: Her paper hat and the hat at the scene are identical.

Setup: The hat is evidence.

Act 1:

Essence: Geri snaps a photo of the scene and swears to solve her mother’s mysterious death once she has the information AND the power to demand justice.

INT. MARTIN KITCHEN – DAY – WOUND

An Army hat, identical to her paper hat is at the scene. She puts on the hat and reads her mom her report card. She searches the house for a camera and takes a photo vowing to find the cause of her death but first she must gain the power she needs to bring the perpetrator to justice. Then KNOCK on the door.

Start: Geri drops her paper hat in the blood next to an identical Army hat.

Challenging Situation: Challenge her need for security and loyalty and goal to

make her mother happy. Now her mother is dead.

Conflict: What can she do now for her mother? Is that her father’s hat?

Action: She looks around the house suspiciously. She comes back with a

camera. She moves the hat and takes a picture.

Finish: She puts on the hat and reads her report card to her mom. Someone

knocks on the door.

Open Loop: Can Geri solve the crime?

Mystery: How did her mother die? Who belongs to the hat.

Empathy/Distress: Geri has an absent father and now a dead mother.

She didn’t deserve this.

Payoff:

Irony: Play hat falls in blood. Real hat left behind.

• Setup: The hat is her father’s. Her hat falls in the blood. Absent Father to dead Mother. Hat (and her role for her mother) is permanently wounded by her mother’s death. Both are such symbols of her wounds – sense of responsibility and loyalty (military service). But the wound and her resolve, loyal and responsible, take her from the play hat to the real thing. Her goal.

INT. JOHNSON LIVING ROOM – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Mrs. Johnson, makes nasty remarks to Geri about Col Martin as they watch the Police interrogate him from the living room window. He calls off the investigation, claiming authority as the house is on the Army base.

EXT. MARTIN HOUSE – DAY – WOUND

The police leave and Col Martin goes into the house and brings the cat over to Mrs. Johnson’s. As he leaves, Geri runs out begs to go with him. He says no, he’ll be back in the morning. She lies about the hat. He says he doesn’t mean the stupid paper hat.

Start: Geri watches her father and police from Mrs. Johnson’s window as Mrs. J makes snide remarks about CM– Geri keeps wiping off the table, Mrs. Johnson is not surprised.

Challenging Situation: The police are questioning her dad about her mom’s death. What will happen to her?

Conflict: Mrs. Johnson disparages CM. Col Martin and police argue about jurisdiction. Col Martin and Geri argue about her staying or going with him and about where’s the hat. Says her stupid paper hat is in the mess your mother made. Mrs. Johnson disparages CM.

Action: CM claims jurisdiction and calls off the investigation.

Finish: Colonel Martin leaves

Open Loop: How did the mother die?

Mystery: Did he do it? Where will Geri go?

Empathy/Distress: He did lose his wife. Geri her mother.

Payoff: He knows about the hat.

Irony:

Setup: What’s happening tomorrow.

INT. MRS. JOHNSON’S KITCHEN – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Turning Point: At breakfast, Mrs. Johnson tells Geri about her father’s plans for her. Geri, through her tears declares that military school will be perfect for what she has in mind. Colonel Martin picks up Geri and they drive off as the cat looks on from the front yard. Geri looks strong and sure of herself and bucking up for the worst.

Start Mrs. Johnson tells Geri about military school

Challenging situation: Geri si losing everything.

Conflict: Her dad doesn’t even have the decency to tell her himself

Action: She sees it as a means to an end. Declares it is perfect.

Finish: Colonel Martin and Geri drive off after breakfast. Cat meowing, Geri

acting strong.

Open Loop: What are her plans to achieve her goal.

Mystery: How will she do in military school

Empathy/Distress: Poor thing. First her mom, now this?

Payoff: That’s where she’s going

Irony: Military was the cause of her mother’s unhappiness and now she is

entering this strange world.

Setup: Geri will be fine in military school.

Act 2:

Essence: Col Martin drops Geri at Military school entrusting her with his friend Headmaster Learned who says he will “take good care of her” like he did for Leonard.

INT. MILITARY SCHOOL – DAY – HIDDEN LAYER

Geri tells them her goal to be a Colonel. CM rolls his eyes. The headmaster Learned promises that he will take good care of her – like Leonard.

Start: HL & CM talk about Geri when she is right there. She gets shushed by HL & CM after she tells them what she hopes to accomplish in military school.

Challenging Situation: Geri has no say in anything and no idea her future.

Conflict: Then Geri’s stated expectations and CM’s, who rolls his eyes.

Action: CM tells HL to teach Geri what it means to be a girl in the military.

Finish: Geri feels very insecure and HL is in control.

Open Loop: What does it mean to be a girl in the military

Mystery: What does HL mean re: taking good care. Who is leonard?

Empathy/Distress: Poor dear. All these authoritarian men and no mom.

Payoff: Geri says what she has planned per her convo with Mrs. Johnson

Irony:

Setup: Leonard

EXT. MILITARY SCHOOL – DAY – INTRIGUING WORLD

Hdm. Learned gives Geri a tour of the campus. The girls whisper to each other. The boys make cat-calls. Learned threatens Leonard for violating boy’s curfew. Leonard makes a smart-ass remark and HL hits him.

Start: CL and Geri take a friendly tour. School is out and the students crowd around.

Challenging Situation: Geri gets stared at and remarks are whispered.

Conflict: Leonard makes a snide remark and the group laughs.

Action: HL spots Leonard and calls him over.

Finish: Learned hits Leonard. The students disperse. Geri looks scared.

Open Loop: Is this Geri’s destiny under Learned

Mystery: Who is Leonard to Colonel Martin?

Empathy/Distress: Geri must be terrified of him.

Payoff: He’ll take care of her just like Leonard and he hits Leonard

Irony:

Setup: What will he do to Geri

INT. MILITARY SCHOOL BUNK HOUSE – NIGHT – HIDDEN AGENDA

After the tour, HL takes Geri to her bunk and searches Geri’s bags. She fights him to no avail. Bette and Marge look on from either side of Geri’s curtained bunk.

Turning Point: Headmaster Learned finds the hat and threatens her graduation if she says anything to anyone about the hat. Ever. Geri cleans her bed area and goes to the bathroom and starts washing her hands.

Start: HL is positive that Geri will like it there. Geri meets Bette and Marge.

Challenging Situation: She is a stranger here

Conflict: Learned wants to look through her stuff.

Action: He finds the hat and confiscates it.

Finish: He threatens her graduation if she every talks about it again.

•

Open Loop: Who’s hat is it?

Mystery: What does Learned know aobut the hat.

Empathy/Distress: Geri is shy, scared and away from her normal reality.

Forever.

Payoff: ??

Irony:

Setup: Bette and Marge

Act 3:

Essence: Geri searches everywhere, everyday after school for the hat. Geri she makes friends with the girls, especially Bette – but not so much Marge.

EXT. SCHOOL YARD – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Geri races the boys and gets the girls respect, especially Bette, who comes from an athletic family. Marge, Bette’s best friend acts jealous.

Start: Geri races a few girls then gets talked into a race with the school’s best female runner.

Challenging Situation: It’s Marge.

Conflict: The boys are watching and rooting for Marge and challenge Geri to

beat her.

Action: Geri beats Marge, then takes on Leonard, and beats him.

Finish: All the girls respect Geri now. Especially Bette is impressed.

Open Loop:

Mystery: Leonard is the best boy athlete.

Empathy/Distress: Want to see Geri turn the bullying around.

Payoff: Another reason for Marge to be competing. The first was sharing

Bette.

Irony:

Setup: Leonard is the best athlete and is the chosen one to go into the army – maybe Korea.

SERIES OF SCENES – IMMINENT THREAT

MOVING – Geri runs from the playing field and scours the campus. She looks everywhere, then goes back to the Dining Hall. REPEAT.

Start; Geri checks off the map areas that she has scoured.

Challenging situation: Students are everywhere and it’s hard to get away

from them to really look.

Conflict: She gets caught a few times by Learned but has excuses.

Action: She lies about what she’s doing.

Finish: Back to the mess hall, she eats quietly, but defeated after no success.

Open Loop: Will Geri get the hat back?

Mystery: can she find the hat?

Empathy/Distress: Will she get caught looking by Learned?

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: She finds some clue which is a set up for finding it b4 commencement

INT. BUNK HOUSE – NIGHT – WOUND

Geri awakens to voices between her and Marge’s bed. Then she discovers Bette in her bed. They hold each other in fear and fall back to sleep. She dreams of being held by her mother as a little girl.

Start: Geri awakens to voices and a curtain pulling shut

Challenging Situation: Someone is in Marge’s bed

Conflict: She gets scared, then discovers someone in her bed – Bette.

Action: Bette shushes her and pulls her close. they listen

• Finish: dreaming of her mother.

Open Loop:

Mystery: who is coming into marge’s bed

Empathy/Distress: comforting a scary situation

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: for Bette wanting Geri

INT. BUNK HOUSE – NIGHT – EMPATHY DISTRESS

Next night, Geri is awakened again and scared Bette gets in bed with her, they cuddle again and she feels her mother’s comfort. Bette kisses her. Geri calls her a pervert. Bette breaks into tears and runs from the room. Geri ocd’s.

Start: Now a regular, Bette climbs in Geri’s bed the next night.

Challenging Situation: Geri missing her mother.

Conflict: Bette kisses her and she freaks out.

Action: Geri jumps out of bed and calls Bette a pervert.

Finish: Bette feels rejected. Geri does ocd.

Open Loop: is Bette gay?

Mystery:

Empathy/Distress: for both of them

Payoff:

Irony: she likes the affection but not the kiss

Setup: is Bette gay?

Series of scenes – INTRIGUING WORLD

Photos of Bette, Marge and Geri changing from 15 to 18. Geri showing her rank increasing on her uniform. Bette with new boyfriends on her side, one after the other. Marge with academics honors, Learned often at her side.

Start: For each character – show where they start out 15.

Challenging Situation: military school success

Conflict: Marge and Geri overlap on academic excellence;

Action: They all accomplished their goals

Finish: Geri is alone. Bette is with a boy and Marge is with HL.

EXT. SCHOOL YARD – DAY – MYSTERY

Open Loop: what”s the deal with Marge and HL, Bette and the boys

Mystery:

Empathy/Distress: No family in the picture

Payoff: Bette;s obviously not gay

Irony: Geri is winning the medals but she is alone.

Setup: For Geri to raise in the ranks as her expertise.

The teachers set up chairs for graduation as Geri is runs all over campus looking for the hat. Headmaster Learned is signing diplomas. Makes Marge Valedictorian. Sets aside Geri’s. Bette’s parents show up with a new convertible for graduation. Bette tells her parents she will not go to the family’s alma mater or marry Ron Paul!

Start: Beautiful spring day – everyone happy – except Geri who can’t find something and is desparately looking everywhere.

Challenging Situation: She doesn’t have much time. Bette’s super rich parents and their agenda.

Conflict: If she gets caught she could not graduate?

Action: Learned gives Marge valedictorian, signs Bette’s, does he sign Geri’s

Finish: Will Geri graduate?

Open Loop: Where’s he hat

Mystery: Will Geri find it? Get caught? Graduate?

Empathy/Distress: Last chance to find the hat.

Payoff: She finds it before she leaves.

Irony:

Setup: What will she do with the hat

EXT. MILITARY CAMPUS – DAY – MYSTERY

Start: Geri is nervous and itchy waiting to get diploma

Challenging Situation: Still doesn’t have the hat. Last chance.

Conflict: Last chance and both Learned and Colonel Martin are both hovering

Action: She runs to Learned’s office, finds something, and gets back to the

reception

Finish: An accomplished Geri talks to her father, cool as a cucumber

•

EXT. MILITARY SCHOOL CAMPUS – DAY – IMMINENT DANGER

Marge crosses the stage for her diploma, then Bette and at the end Geri. After she gets it, she immediately takes off running, ransacks Learned’s office and shows back up at the reception to meet up with Colonel Martin. At the reception, Bette tells her parents she will not go to the family’s alma mater or marry Ron Paul in spite of her graduation gift – a car!

Open Loop: Where’s the hat now

Mystery: Will she get found out?

Empathy/Distress: She’s risking graduation!

Payoff: She’s got the hat and she graduated

Irony:

Setup:

Geri talks to her father, Colonel Martin, at the reception. They argue about Geri’s plan for her future. Geri cuts the conversation short when CM flags down Learned. Learned takes him to get the hat. It’s gone. Colonel loses it over Learned’s messy incompetence while Geri and Bette speed toward the next leg of their journey.

Start: Geri is nervous about the hat talking to her dad.

Challenging Situation: Geri is nervous being with her Dad after such a long

time and esp now that she has the hat.

Conflict: She wants to get into the Army and he’s against it. She wants to go to

nurse’s school he wants her to get married. They argue.

Action: Geri cuts the conversation short and he goes with Learned to get the

hat. It’s gone.

Finish: Geri, Bette and Marge take off care free with the hat and diploma in

hand toward the next leg of her journey. Valedictorian, Convertible and the hat

Act 4:

Open Loop: Will colonel martin defeat Geri?

Mystery: Where’s the hat.

Empathy/Distress: We want Geri to succeed against the two of them

Payoff: Poetic justice for Geri.

Irony: She defeats those with the power and the hat.

Setup: She’s free of her father, at least she thinks. He makes some kind of

threat that gets paid off at her graduation from Nurses School.

Essence: Five Years Later. Geri, Bette and Marge graduate from nurse’s school and go to work for the Army. Geri meets Leo at the Officer’s club.

INT. HOSPITAL AUDITORIUM – DAY – HIDDEN LAYER

Geri, surprised to see her father at her nursing school graduation, spots Col. Martin talking to her commanding officer, Leo, about his time in Korea.

Start: Geri spots her dad at graduation from nursing school.

Challenging Situation: She hasn’t seen him since her graduation 5 years ago.

Conflict: Col. Martin knows Leo, her commanding officer

Action: Colonel Martin commands Leo to meet him in his office later

Finish: Geri wonders what’s going on.

•

Open Loop: What does Col. Martin want with Leo?

Mystery: Does CM know Leo?

Empathy/Distress: Why doesn’t CM just leave Geri alone?

Payoff: ?? Something said by her Dad at the Military School graduation that

would lead to him show up here after 5 years.

Irony:

Setup: What happened in Korea causing Leo’s scars

INT. DOI OFFICE – DAY – CONSPIRACY – SECRET IDENTITY

Colonel Martin promotes Leo as secret operative to the DOI. He instructs Leo to take good care of Geri, but not like you did in Korea. Leo says “Yes sir. I understand”

Start: Very formal talk between them in front of secretary.

Challenging Situation: CM wants Leo to interfere with Geri’s career. Get her

pregnant and get married.

Conflict: But he is is in love with Marge.

Action: He accepts the promotion- says he will see what he can do.

Finish: CM says take good care of her, but not like he did in Korea (threat)

Open Loop: How will Leo take good care of her?

Mystery: What did he do in Korea.

Empathy/Distress: Another intervention by CM against Geri.

Payoff: Leo isn’t a war hero?

Irony: They both know HL?

Setup: Leo’s directive to go after Geri.

INT. OFFICER’S CLUB – NIGHT – DECEPTION – HIDDEN AGENDA

Leo approaches Geri and Marge at Officer’s Club. He flirts with Geri. He tells Geri how he was hurt in combat in Korea and that is why he wears the eye patch. Geri likes him. After Geri leaves Leo apologizes to Marge.

Start: Leo flirts with Geri. Ignores Marge.

Challenging Situation: Geri is new at officer’s club. Uncomfortable. Shy.

Conflict: He’s flirting but he’s her commanding officer.

Action: He asks her out.

Finish: Apologizes to Marge after Geri goes.

•

Start: Geri is cleaning the apartment, happy, not obsessively.

Challenging Situation: Marge comes in looking rough.

Conflict: Geri asks Marge what happens and Marge is put off

Open Loop: What is Leo doing with Geri?

Mystery: How does Leo know Marge?

Empathy/Distress: There’s a secret and Geri is out.

Payoff: So he’s a war hero?

Irony:

Setup:

INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT – SECRET

Turning Point: Marge, who lives with Geri, comes in late, disheveled, but happy. She makes up a story. Geri says how much she likes Leo but asks if it’s okay to date your commanding officer. Marge tells Geri to STOP cleaning.

Action: Marge criticizes Geri for her compulsive nature

Finish: Geri goes to bed feeling bad about their friendship.

Open Loop: What is going on between Marge and Leo

Mystery: What is Marge and Leo’s history

Empathy/Distress: Geri is being betrayed

Payoff: Geri’s cleaning is compulsive

Irony:

Setup: Marge will betray Geri when it comes to Leo.

ACT. 5 Marge gets sick and quarantined and Leo gets engaged to Geri.
INT. OFFICER’S CLUB – NIGHT – WOUND
Leo wines and dines Geri with a jealous Marge staying home every night alone.

Start: Leo picks up thrilled Geri from the apartment and they go out.

Challenging Situation: Marge is feeling really jealous and left out.

Conflict: Plus Marge hasn’t been feeling well. Vomiting every morning.

Action: Leo is upset. He says next time she is sick she should call him.

Finish: Geri wonders why Leo seems so concerned about Marge.

Open Loop: What will Leo do next?

Mystery: Why is Marge sick?

Empathy/Distress: Poor Marge.

Payoff: Maybe she gets sick to get his attention? Sets that up when they go

out earlier. Is this a repeat of what happened to her as a child? Polio?

Irony: What she is doing (feigning illness) will get her isolated vs. sympathy.

Digging her own grave.

Setup: Marge’s wound revisited.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY – HIDDEN LAYER

Marge is throwing up violently. Leo puts Marge into isolation, under the rules of the Dept of Interior.

Start: Marge is throwing up.

Challenging Situation: Geri is scared.

Conflict: She says she is going to call Leo. Marge begs her not to.

Action: Leo takes Marge away.

Finish: Leo tells Geri that Marge has been put into isolation.

Open Loop: Where did Leo put Marge?

Mystery: why is Marge sick?

Empathy/Distress: Now Geri is alone and afraid? Poor Marge?

Payoff: Something about what happened to Marge as a child.

Irony:

Setup: For what happens in isolation.

INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT – WOUND

Leo gives Geri an engagement ring after dinner. Geri is a virgin and very uncomfortable but makes love with Leo.

Start: Leo gives Geri a ring and she is blissful. Somehow this heals her wound. – family.

Challenging Situation: Geri is a virgin and Leo wants to make love.

Conflict: Geri wants to please Leo but wants to wait.

Action: Leo penetrates her and ejaculates. She remembers Marge’s painful

cries from her bed at Military School.

Finish: Leo leaves. Geri strips the bed and washes herself compulsively.

Open Loop: What will Leo do per his promise to CM

Mystery: What would Marge think? Where is Marge?

Empathy/Distress: She’s afraid of sex.

Payoff: Gets married like Colonel Martin wants.

Irony: She wants family but is afraid to conceive.

Setup: For mystery as to why she would call off something she’s so happy

about?

INT. APARTMENT – DAY – IMMINENT THREAT

Geri gets sick like Marge. She covers it up. She’s planning a wedding plus she gets notified to show up at the Enlistment Office for her interview to join the Army.

Start: Series of scenes of showing Geri planning her wedding with Leo at the Officer’s club when she hears that she has been selected to go before the enlistment office

Challenging Situation: Geri is not feeling well and her OCD is flaring.

Conflict: She must hide her OCD and current illness from enlistment board

Action: She practices answering questions in front of the mirror.

Finish: Leo asks her what’s going on. She says it’s her time of month.

Open Loop: What steps will Geri take to accomplish her goal?

Mystery: What’s wrong with her health?

Empathy/Distress: Bad timing! Bummer.

Payoff:

Irony: She’s really close and now she gets sick.

Setup: The beginning of the lies.

ENLISTMENT OFFICE – DAY – DECEPTION

Turning Point: Geri covers up her illness and OCD at the interview and lies about her pre-existing condition and current state of health.

• Start: Geri is a nervous wreck in the Enlistment Office

Challenging Situation: She must cover up her illness and OCD.

Conflict: If she tells the truth she’s out. If she lies she will always live in fear

that they find out.

Action: She wordsmith’s the interview yet we are on the edge of our seats

Finish: She blows off Leo, exhausted and morally challenged by her lies.

Open Loop: Will Geri succeed at becoming Col?

Mystery: Why is she ill.

Empathy/Distress: Bad timing!

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup: For the the consequences of her lying at her interview

Act 6

Essence: Geri signs the paperwork and gets accepted into the Army but is conflicted about Leo contract she signed. She calls off her engagement.

INT. ENLISTMENT OFFICE – DAY – STRANGE BEHAVIOR

Geri reviews the health questionnaire and paperwork to join and signs. She calls Bette and mentions the paperwork. Bette tells her that she shouldn’t sacrifice herself for the Army, making Geri angry and wants to get off the phone. Bette tells her something we don’t hear and Geri writes down a phone number behind NYC.

Start: Geri learns she passes the interview and should come down and fill out the paperwork.

Challenging Situation: Geri gets asked about health conditions on the questionnaire

Conflict: Geri and Bette argue about joining the Army and what they must give up.

Action: Geri gets angry b

Finish: Geri writes down NYC and a telephone number.

Open Loop: What will Geri do to accomplish her goal? NYC? What is she upset about now?

Mystery: What/Who’s in NYC

Empathy/Distress: Why is she so mad.

Payoff: Geri was upset about the paperwork when she signed it. A small

reveal. But now an open loop.

Irony: Geri is upset yet she has good news. Whatup?

Setup: Bette “there’s more to life than giving up who you are to the Army.

INT. OFFICER’S CLUB – DAY – HIDDEN LAYER

Geri meets with Leo to plan the wedding but instead calls off their engagement giving no explanation. Leo loses it and threatens Geri that she’ll never reach her goal as long as he is in charge. Geri walks out on him.

Start: Geri meets Leo at Officer’s Club. She’s nervous. Leo’s happy.

Challenging Situation: Leo notices her change in demeanor and starts drilling

her.

Conflict: She says she’s conflicted but won’t say why.

Action: She calls of the engagement.

Finish: Leo’s furious, threatens her. She’s relieved – why?

Open Loop: What’s next for Geri? What will Leo do next?

Mystery: Why did she call it off?

Empathy/Distress: This will not end well.

Payoff: Maybe something from her call with Bette.

Irony: She has what she wants and calls it off?

Setup: For Leo going rogue on Geri.

INT. ENLISTMENT OFFICE – DAY – HIDDEN AGENDA

Lock In: Geri takes some medicine and gets fitted for her Army Uniform. She requests to be stationed at the base she grew up on.

INT. BUS STATION – DAY – SECRET
Dressed in her new Army Uniform, Geri boards a bus for NYC.

Start: Geri takes milk of magnesia before breakfast and goes for a fitting.

Challenging Situation: She feels sick.

Conflict: How to hide her illness.

Action: Ask to go to base she grew up on.

Finish: Go to bus station. Board bus to NYC.

Open Loop: What will Geri do now that she’s in.

Mystery: What’s in New York

Empathy/Distress: So happy for her now

Payoff: She goes to NYC not just writes it down.

Irony: She has her own hat now.

Setup: for the next Season – What will Leo do next? What’s next for Geri? Why her home base? What’s in NYC? Where is Marge? What will CM say to Leo? Add a scene before this that shows Marge’s water breaking? Do so kind of reveal that keeps the mom’s mysterious death alive. Where is Bette and what is happening in Korea. What did Leo do in Korea? How does Leo know Marge? What will happen to the baby? Who got Marge pregnant? What does the Dept of Interior do?

[Laurie Brown]

Subject line: (Laurie Brown’s) Beat Sheet

What I learned from this assignment is how to keep descriptions short with action.

BEAT SHEET: THE CORP TRUTH

Teaser:

Essence: Geri Martin adores her mother and would do anything to make her happy, including being a fill-in for her cold, absent father, until she finds her mother in a pool of blood.

INT. MARTIN KITCHEN – DAY

Geri (15) pretends to be her father, Col. Martin, to her depressed mother Bonnie Martin, in a monologue aimed at making up for him missing their anniversary. She promises a special surprise and dinner at the Officer’s Club.

Start: Geri eats breakfast pretending to be her father and her mom is laughing and having fun

Challenging Situation: Her mother is unhappy because her father isn’t home on their anniversary

Conflict: Geri takes the pills away from her mom and says she doesn’t need them today, It’s

going to be a good day.

Action: she plays the pretend good husband and says she has a surprise tonight before they go out

to dinner

Finish: As Geri heads off for school her mom takes her valium.

EXT SCHOOL – DAY

Geri races the taunting boys out the door with something in her hand that she is racing home to share her special surprise with her mom. She jimmies the locked door and runs in to find her mom dead in a pool of blood.’s

Turning Point: Geri finds her mom in a pool of blood a hat and $100 bill at the scene.

Start: Gerry is happy and excited and beating the boys in a race

Challenging Situation: The boys taunt her when she runs and she’s in a hurry.

Conflict: She gets home and the door is locked!

Action: She jimmies the lock like she knows how, runs into the kitchen

Finish: Finds her mother in a pool of blood.

Act 1:

Essence: Geri takes the hat and a snaps a photo of the scene and swears to solve her mysterious death once she has the power she needs to bring the perpetrator to justice.

INT. MARTIN KITCHEN – DAY

An Army hat, identical to her paper hat is at the scene. She puts on the hat and reads her mom her report card. She searches the house for a camera and takes a photo vowing to find the cause of her death but first she must gain the power she needs to bring the perpetrator to justice. Then KNOCK on the door.

Start: Geri drops her paper hat in the blood next to an identical Army hat.

Challenging Situation: Challenge her need for security and loyalty and goal to make her mother

happy. Now her mother is dead.

Conflict: What can she do now for her mother? Is that her father’s hat?

Action: She looks around the house suspiciously. She comes back with a camera. She moves the

hat and takes a picture.

Finish: She puts on the hat and reads her report card to her mom. Someone knocks on the door.

INT. JOHNSON LIVING ROOM – DAY

Mrs. Johnson’s makes nasty remarks about Col Martin as the Police interrogate him. Losing his temper he calls off the investigation as the house is in his jurisdiction – the Army base.

EXT. MARTIN HOUSE – DAY

The police leave and Col Martin goes into the house and brings the cat to Mrs. Johnson. Geri runs out begs to go with him. He says no, he’ll be back in the morning. He asks her about the hat? She lies that it wasn’t there. He says he doesn’t mean the stupid paper hat. Geri grabs the cat.

INT. Mrs. Johnson’s Kitchen

At breakfast, Mrs. Johnson tells Geri about her father’s plans for her. Geri, through her tears declares that will be perfect for what she has in mind.

Turning Point: Colonel Martin picks up Geri and they drive off as the cat looks on from the front yard. Geri looks strong and sure of herself.

Start: Geri watches her father and police from Mrs. Johnson’s window as Mrs. J makes snide remarks about CM– Geri keeps wiping off the table, Mrs. Johnson is not surprised.

Challenging Situation: The police are questioning her dad about her mom’s death. What will happen to her?

Conflict: Mrs. Johnson disparages CM. Col Martin and police argue about jurisdiction. Col Martin and Geri argue about her staying or going with him and about where’s the hat. Says her stupid paper hat is in the mess your mother made. Mrs. Johnson disparages CM.

Action: CM claims jurisdiction and calls off the investigation. Mrs. J tells Geri her destiny.

Finish: Colonel Martin and Geri drive off after breakfast. Cat meowing, Geri acting strong.

Act 2:

Essence: Col Martin drops Geri at Military school entrusting her with his friend Headmaster Learned who says he will “take good care of her”.

INT. Military School Office – Day

The headmaster acts strange around Col. Until Geri steps out. CM says he would love for Learned to come to his swearing in ceremony but it’s for military personal only. Geri tells them her goal to be a Colonel. CM rolls his eyes. Learned promises that he will take good care of her – like Leonard.

Start: HL & CM talk about Geri when she is right there. She gets shushed after she excitedly tells them what she hopes to accomplish in military school.

Challenging Situation: Geri has no say in anything and has no idea what this will mean.

Conflict: Then Geri’s stated expectations and hopes counter to CM’s who rolls his eyes.

Action: CM tells HL to teach Geri what it means to be a girl in the military.

Finish: Geri feels very insecure and shut down.

EXT. Military School – Day

Learned gives Geri a tour of the campus. The girls make snide remarks. The boys look over Geri and make cat-calls. Learned comes on the scene and physically threatens Leonard for violating boy’s curfew. Now he’ll have girl’s curfew. Leonard makes a smart-ass remark and HL hits him.

Start: CL and Geri take a friendly tour. School is out and the students crowd around.

Challenging Situation: Geri gets cat-calls and snide remarks.

Conflict: HL spots Leonard and calls him over.

Action: Leonard makes a snide remark and the group laughs.

Finish: Learned hits him. The students disperse. Geri looks scared.

INT. MILITARY SCHOOL BUNK HOUSE – NIGHT

After the tour, HL takes Geri to her bedroom and searches Geri’s bags. Bette and Marge look on from either side of Geri’s curtained bunk.

Turning Point: Headmaster Learned finds the hat and threatens her graduation if she says anything to anyone about the hat. Ever. Geri cleans her bed area and goes to the bathroom and starts washing her hands.

Start: HL being positive about Geri liking it there. Geri meets Bette and Marge.

Challenging Situation: Learned wants to look through her stuff. This is her new home.

Conflict: He grabs her bag and pushes her away.

Action: He finds the hat and confiscates it.

Finish: He threatens her graduation if she every talks about it or looks for it again.

Act 3:

Essence: Geri she makes friends with girls, especially Bette – but not so much Marge. Geri searches everywhere, everyday after school for the hat.

EXT. School yard – Day

Geri races the boys and gets the girls respect, especially Bette, who comes from an athletic family. Marge, Bette’s best friend acts jealous.

Start: Geri gets talked into a race with the school’s best female runner. It’s Marge.

Challenging Situation: It’s win or be bullied even more.

Conflict: The boys are watching and rooting for Marge and challenge Geri to beat her, Geri says

next them.

Action: Geri beats Marge, then Leonard. They go off to lick their wounds.

Finish: All the girls respect Geri now. Especially Bette is impressed.

SERIES OF SCENES

MOVING – Geri runs from the playing field and scours the campus. She looks everywhere, then goes back to the Dining Hall. REPEAT.

INT. BUNK HOUSE – NIGHT

Geri awakens to voices and a curtain being pulled between her and Marge’s bed. Then she notices someone is in her bed. Bette shushes her and they listen and think it is Headmaster Learned. They hold each other in fear and fall back to sleep. She dreams of being held by her mother as a little girl.

Start: Geri awakens to voices and a curtain pulling

Challenging Situation: Someone is in Marge’s bed

Conflict: She gets scared – someone is in her bed. It’s Bette.

Action: Bette shushes her and pulls her down, where they listen

Finish: They do in night after night until Bette kisses her.

Start: Now a regular, Bette climbs in Geri’s bed the next night.

Challenging Situation: Geri is dreaming of being with her mother. Very tender.

Conflict: Bette kisses her and she freaks out.

Action: Geri jumps out of bed and calls Bette a pervert.

Finish: Bette feels rejected. Geri washes her hands.

Start: For each character – show where they start out as friends.

Challenging Situation: Each had their own goal. Show how they made it.

Conflict: Marge and Geri overlapped on academic excellence; opposite re: Learned

Action: They all accomplished their goals as is illustrated by the photos

Finish: Focus on the end picture, but highlight that the difference is that Geri is alone. Bette is

with a boy and Marge is with HL.

Next night, Geri is awakened again and scared Bette gets in bed with her, they cuddle. She dreams of being held by her mother as a little girl. She awakens when Bette kisses her. Geri accuses her of being a pervert. Bette breaks into tears and runs from the room. Geri wipes up the area around her bed and goes to the bathroom and washes her hands.

Series of scenes

Photos of Bette, Marge and Geri changing from 15 to 18. Geri showing her rank increasing on her uniform. Bette with new boyfriends on her side, one after the other. Marge with academics honors, Learned often at her side.

EXT. SCHOOL YARD – DAY

The teachers set up chairs for graduation as Geri is runs all over campus looking for the hat. Headmaster Learned is signing diplomas. Makes Marge Valedictorian. Sets aside Geri’s. Bette’s parents show up with a new convertible for graduation. Bette tells her parents she will not go to the family’s alma mater or marry Ron Paul!

Start: Beautiful spring day – everyone happy – except Geri who can’t find something and is desparately looking everywhere.

Challenging Situation: She doesn’t have much time. Bette’s super rich parents and their agenda.

Conflict: If she gets caught she could not graduate?

Action: Learned gives Marge valedictorian, signs Bette’s, does he sign Geri’s

Finish: Will Geri graduate?

EXT. MILITARY CAMPUS – DAY

Marge crosses the stage for her diploma, then Bette and at the end Geri. After she gets it, she immediately takes off running, ransacks Learned’s office and shows back up at the reception to meet up with Colonel Martin. At the reception, Bette tells her parents she will not go to the family’s alma mater or marry Ron Paul in spite of her graduation gift – a car!

Start: Geri is nervous and itchy waiting to get diploma

Challenging Situation: Still doesn’t have the hat.

Conflict: Last chance and both Learned and Colonel Martin are both hovering

Action: She runs to Learned’s office, finds something, and gets back to the reception

Finish: An accomplished Geri talks to her father, cool as a cucumber

EXT. MILITARY SCHOOL CAMPUS – DAY

Geri talks to her father, Colonel Martin, at the reception. They argue about Geri’s plan for her future. Geri cuts the conversation short when CM flags down Learned. Learned takes him to get the hat. It’s gone. Colonel loses it over Learned’s messy incompetence while Geri and Bette speed toward the next leg of their journey.

Start: Geri is nervous about the hat talking to her dad.

Challenging Situation: Geri is nervous being with her Dad after such a long time.

Conflict: She wants to get into the Army and he’s against it. She wants to go to nurse’s school he

wants her to get married. They argue.

Action: Geri cuts the conversation short and he goes with Learned to get the hat. It’s gone.

Finish: Geri, Bette and Marge take off care free with the hat and diploma in hand toward the next

leg of her journey. Valedictorian, Convertible and the hat

Act 4:

Essence: Five Years Later. Geri, Bette and Marge graduate from nurse’s school and go to work for the Army. Geri meets Leo at the Officer’s club.

INT. HOSPITAL AUDITORIUM – DAY

Geri introduces her new commanding officer Lt. Leo Dahnert to Col. Martin who who act formal until Geri walks away. Then Col Martin invites him to his office.

Start: Geri is not exactly happy about seeing her dad there.

Challenging Situation: He hasn’t been around since her graduation.

Conflict: She introduces dad to her commanding officer – Leo

Action: Colonel Martin wants to meet Leo in his office.

Finish: Geri wonders what’ s going on.

Start: Very friendly small talk with Leo in the office.

Challenging Situation: CM wants Leo to interfere with Geri’s career. Get her pregnant and get

married.

Conflict: But he is her commanding officer and wants her to succeed. Plus he is in love with

Marge.

Action: He accepts the promotion but says he will influence her but not make her unhappy.

Finish: CM says take good care of her, but not like he did in Korea (threat)

Start: Leo flirts with Geri. Ignores Marge.

Challenging Situation: Geri is new at officer’s club. Uncomfortable. Shy.

Conflict: He’ s flirting but he’ s her commanding officer.

Action: He asks her out.

Finish: Apologizes with Marge after Geri goes.

INT. DOI OFFICE – DAY

Colonel Martin promotes Leo as secret operative to the DOI. He instructs Leo to take good care of Geri, but not like you did in Korea. Leo says“Yes sir. I understand”

INT. OFFICER’S CLUB – NIGHT

Leo approaches Geri and Marge at Officer’s Club. He flirts with Geri. He tells Geri how he was hurt in combat in Korea and that is why he wears the eye patch. Geri likes him. After Geri leaves Leo apologizes to Marge.

INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT

Turning Point: Marge, who lives with Geri, comes in late, disheveled, but happy. She makes up a story. Geri says how much she likes Leo but asks if it’s okay to date your commanding officer. Marge tells Geri to STOP cleaning.

Start: Geri is cleaning the apartment, happy, not obsessively.

Challenging Situation: Marge comes in looking rough.

Conflict: Geri asks Marge what happens and Marge is put off

Action: Marge criticizes Geri for her compulsive nature

Finish: Geri goes to bed feeling like crap.

ACT. 5 Marge gets sick and quarantined and Leo gets engaged to Geri. INT. OFFICER’S CLUB – NIGHT

Leo wines and dines Geri with a jealous Marge staying home every night alone.

Start: Leo picks up thrilled Geri from the apartment and they go out.

Challenging Situation: Marge is feeling really jealous and left out.

Conflict: Geri tells Leo that Marge hasn’t been feeling well. Vomiting every morning.

Action: Leo is surprised and upset. He says next time she is sick she should call him.

Finish: Geri wonders why Leo seems so concerned about Marge.

Start: Marge is throwing up.

Challenging Situation: Geri is very concerned

Conflict: She says she is going to call Leo. Marge begs her not to.

Action: Leo takes Marge to the doctor in town.

Finish: Leo tells Geri that Marge has been put into isolation.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Marge is throwing up violently. Geri calls Leo. Leo tells Marge she will have to go into isolation, under the rules of the Dept of Interior.

INT. APARTMENT – NIGHT

Leo gives Geri an engagement ring after dinner. Geri is a virgin and very uncomfortable but makes love with Leo.

Start: Leo gives Geri a ring and she is blissful.

Challenging Situation: Geri is a virgin and Leo wants to make love.

Conflict: Geri wants to please Leo but wants to wait.

Action: Leo penetrates her and ejaculates.

Finish: Leo leaves and Geri strips the bed and lays in the tub washing herself compulsively.

INT. APARTMENT – DAY

Geri gets sick like Marge. She covers it up. She’s planning a wedding plus she gets notified to show up at the Enlistment Office for her interview to join the Army.

Start: Series of scenes of showing Geri planning her wedding with Leo at the Officer’s club

Challenging Situation: Geri is not feeling well and her OCD is flaring when she hears that she has

been selected to go before the enlistment office.

Conflict: She must hide her OCD and current symptoms from the enlistment board

Action: She practices answering question in front of the mirror.

Finish: Leo asks her what’s going on. She says it’s her time of month.

Start: Geri is a nervous wreck in the Enlistment Office

Challenging Situation: She has a challenging interview and must cover up her illness and OCD.

Conflict: If she tells the truth she’s out. If she lies she will always live in fear that they find out.

Action: She wordsmith’s the interview brilliantly yet we are on the edge of our seats

Finish: She blows off Leo, exhausted and morally challenged by her lies.

ENLISTMENT OFFICE – DAY

Turning Point: Geri covers up her illness and OCD at the interview. She must lie about her pre-existing conditions and current state of health.

Act 6

Essence: Geri signs the paperwork and gets accepted into the Army but is conflicted about Leo contract she signed. She calls off her engagement.

INT. ENLISTMENT OFFICE – DAY

Geri reviews the health questionnaire and paperwork to join and signs. She calls Bette and mentions the paperwork. Bette tells her that she shouldn’t give up who she is simply for the career, making Geri angry. Geri writes down a phone number behind NYC.

Start: Geri learns she passes the interview and should come down and fill out the paperwork.

Challenging Situation: Geri gets asked about health conditions on the questionnaire

Conflict: Geri and Bette argue about joining the Army and what they must give up.

Action: Geri gets angry b

Finish: Geri writes down NYC and a telephone number.

Start: Geri meets Leo at Officer’s Club. She’s nervous. Leo’s happy.

Challenging Situation: Leo notices her change in demeanor and starts drilling her.

Conflict: She says she’ s conflicted.

Action: She calls of the engagement.

Finish: Leo’ s furious. She’ s relieved.

INT. OFFICER’S CLUB – DAY

Geri meets with Leo to plan the wedding but instead calls off their engagement giving no explanation. Leo over reacts and threatens Geri that she’ll never reach her goal as long as he is in charge. Geri walks out on him.

INT. ENLISTMENT OFFICE – DAY

Lock In: Geri takes some medicine and gets fitted for her Army Uniform. She requests to be stationed at the base she grew up on.

INT. BUS STATION – DAY
Dressed in her new Army Uniform, Geri boards a bus for NYC.

Start: Geri takes milk of magnesia before breakfast and goes for a fitting.

Challenging Situation: She feels sick.

Conflict: How to hide her illness.

Action: Ask to go to base she grew up on.

Finish: Go to bus station. Board bus to NYC.

[Laurie Brown]

Subject line: (Laurie Brown’s) Beat Sheet

What I learned from this assignment is how to cut back the scene descriptions to the essence.

A story = High Concept story – Fifteen year old, Geri Martin decides that becoming an Army Colonel is the only way to the power she will need to get to the bottom of her mother’s brutal death.

B story = Colleagues and Competitors – Headmaster Learned follows the wishes of Col Martin re: Geri. Love scorned Leo vows to take revenge.

C story = Other relationships – Her Dad has something to hide from Geri. Her mom is dead but Geri talks to her all the time. Bette challenges Geri and that makes her mad.

BEAT SHEET: THE CORP TRUTH Teaser:

Essence: Geri Martin adores her mother and would do anything to make her happy, including being a fill-in for her cold, absent father, until she finds her mother in a pool of blood.

INT. Martin’s Kitchen – Day

Geri (15) is served breakfast by her mother, who delights in Geri’s monologue about celebrating their anniversary with a surprise and Officer’s Club when Geri gets home from work. Bonnie Martin takes her prescription.

EXT School – Day

The bell ringing Geri races out the door with something in her hand. A slew of boys try to catch up so she increases the gap until they fall off behind.

INT. Martin House – Day

Geri runs through the back door, picks up her paper hat, puts it on and hollers to her mother in the play voice “I’m home, darling, and do I have a surprise for you. She runs in the kitchen, and almost tripping on her mother’s body, the hat falls off in the pool of blood beneath her feet.

Turning Point: Geri finds her mom in a pool of blood a hat and $100 bill at the scene.

Act 1:

Essence: Geri takes the hat and a snaps a photo of the scene and swears to solve her mysterious death once she has the power she needs to bring the perpetrator to justice.

INT. Kitchen – Day

An Army hat, identical to her paper hat is at the scene. She takes the hat. She searches the house for something and then comes back into the kitchen with the camera. She takes a photo.

Geri sits at the kitchen table and reads her straight A report card to her dead mother. She vows to her mother very emotionally, that she will do whatever it takes to find the cause of her mysterious death but first she must gain the power she needs to bring the perpetrator to justice. She puts on the hat.

Geri starts washing her hands over and over again in the kitchen sink. KNOCK KNOCK. Geri hides the camera and stashes the hat under her shirt . Mrs. Johnson comes to a sobbing Geri. The cat comes into the room and rubs up against Geri’s leg.

INT. Johnson House – Kitchen – Day

Geri watches from the window as the Police interrogate Col Martin. Mrs. Johnson’s she says something nasty about Col Martin never being home or much of a husband. Surprised they ever even were together enough to have Geri.

EXT. Martin House – Dusk

The police question Colonel Johnson. When they mention his un-mowed lawn and messy house, he angrily calls off the investigation claiming legal jurisdiction as the Colonel over the military base housing (name the base). The police leave and Col Martin goes into the house and brings the cat to Mrs. Johnson.

He gets in the car. Geri runs out begs to go with him. He says no, he’ll be back in the morning. He asks her about the hat? She lies that it wasn’t there. He says he doesn’t mean the stupid paper hat. Geri grabs the cat.

INT. Mrs. Johnson’s Bedroom

Mrs. Johnson puts her to bed, then goes back to the house to pack up Geri.

INT. Kitchen – Johnson – Day

At breakfast, Mrs. Johnson tells Geri about her father’s plans for her. Geri, through her tears declares that will be perfect for what she has in mind.

Turning Point: Colonel Martin picks up Geri and they drive off as the cat looks on from the front yard. Geri looks sad and afraid.

Act 2:

Essence: Col Martin drops Geri at Military school entrusting her with his friend Headmaster Learned who says he will “take good care of her”.

INT. Military School Office – Day

Before the clerk comes in the headmaster acts all gaga around Col. Martin, who looks around his Learned’s messy office with disgust. Col Martin brags that his new appointment will be coming up soon and that he would love for HL to come, but it’s for military personal only. Col Martin about having “high expectations for Geri’s grooming”. The headmaster promises Col Martin that he will “take good care of her like he has done for Leonard”

EXT. Military School – Day

HL gives Geri a tour of the campus. The girls make snide remarks. The boys look over Geri and make cat-calls. HL comes on the scene and physically

threatens Leonard for violating the boy’s curfew. He’ll have to punish him by giving him the girl’s curfew. Leonard makes a smart-ass remark and HL hits him.

INT. Military School – Bunk house.

After the tour, HL takes Geri to her bedroom and searches Geri’s bags. Bette and Marge look on from either side of Geri’s curtained bunk.

Turning Point: Headmaster Learned finds the hat and threatens her graduation if she ever says anything to anyone about it again. Geri cleans her entire bed area and goes to the bathroom and starts washing her hands.

Act 3:

Essence: Geri overcomes the bullying by the girls and makes friends with Bette – but not so much Marge. Geri searches everywhere, everyday after school for the hat.

EXT. School yard – Day

Geri, ignoring the bullying by the girls races the boys and gets the girls respect, especially Bette. Marge, Bette’s best friend acts jealous.

INT. Bunkhouse – Night

Geri awakens to giggling and a curtain being pulled between her and Marge’s bed. She feels someone in her bed. It’s Bette in her bed. She and Bette hear a word that sounds like Learned. They hold eachother in fear.

Next night, Geri is awakened again and scared Bette gets in bed with her, they cuddle.

INT. Martin House – Bedroom – Night
Geri flashbacks on cuddling with her mother. INT. Bunkhouse – Night

She snaps out of the flashback when Bette kisses her. Geri accuses her of being a pervert. Bette breaks into tears and runs from the room. Geri wipes up the area around her bed and goes to the bathroom and washes her hands.

Series of scenes
Photos of Bette, Marge and Geri changing from 15 to 18.

Photos of Geri with military school medals increasing in number on her uniform.

Photos of Bette with new boyfriends, one after the other.

Marge with medals for good behavior and academic excellence, often with headmaster Learned at her side.

EXT. Schoolyard – Day

The teachers are setting up the stage and chairs for graduation. Geri is running around all over the campus looking for something.

Bette’s parents show up with a new convertible for graduation. Bette tells her parents she will not go to the family’s alma mater or marry Ron Paul!

INT. Learned’s office – Day

Headmaster Learned is in his office signing the diplomas. He gives a special commendation to Marge. Valedictorian. He gets to Geri’s diploma and the scene cuts.

EXT. Auditorium – Day

Marge gets her diploma, then Bette and at the very end a concerned Geri. Geri takes off to the Headmaster Learned’s quarters.

Headmaster Learned’s Quarters – Day
Geri and tears around his apartment making a big mess.

EXT. Military Campus

Geri says goodbye to her dad, Col Martin, then sees Bette in her new convertible. Geri says goodbye to her dad and says she has to go.

INT. Headmaster Learned’s Quarters – Day

Headmaster Learned, picking up the place, goes to a hiding place. Nothing is there. Colonel loses it over Learned’s messy incompetence.

Turning Point: Geri, Bette and Marge drive down the highway away from military school in Bette’s new convertible radio blaring, Geri, wearing the hat, hangs on to it in one hand and her diploma in the other.

Act 4:

Essence: Five Years Later. The girls graduate from nurse’s school. Geri meets Leo at the Officer’s club.

INT. Auditorium – Day

(Opening Leo) Col Martin stands in the back at Nursing School graduation ceremony. Geri comes up and she introduces her new commanding officer Lt. Leo Dahnert. They act strange until Geri walks away to congratulate Bette and Marte. Leo keeps looking at Marge until Col Martin invites him to his office.

INT. DOI Office – Day

Colonel Martin promotes Leo as secret operative to the DOI. Tells Leo should take good care of her. But not like you did in Korea. Leo responds “Yes sir. I understand”

INT. Officer’s Club – Night

Leo approaches Geri and Marge at Officer’s Club. Flirts excessively and dances with Geri. He tells Geri how he was hurt in combat in Korea and that is why he wears the eye patch and has the scars. They dance and really hit it off. After Geri leaves the officer’s club Leo acts totally different with Marge.

INT. Base Apartment – Same Night

Turning Point: Marge, who lives with Geri, comes in late, disheveled, but happy in a strange way. Geri asks her where she was. She has a big story. Geri says how much she likes Leo but asks if it’s okay to date your commanding officer. Marge is silent.

ACT. 5 Geri gets engaged. Marge gets sick and put into isolation. INT. Officer’s Club – Night

Leo wines and dines Geri with a jealous Marge staying home every night alone.

INT. Base Apartment – Day

Marge is throwing up violently in the morning. Geri calls Leo. Leo tells Marge she will have to go into isolation, under the rules of the Dept of Interior.

INT. Base Apartment – Night

Geri and Leo are in bed, naked. Geri is a virgin and very uncomfortable but allows Leo what he wants. They get out of bed and Leo gives Geri an engagement ring.

One month later, Geri wakes up sick. She cleans the apartment and washes her hands compulsively and gets a call that she is being called into the enlistment office. She is eligible for her interview.

Turning Point: Geri goes to the interview trying to cover up her illness and the stress is causing her OCD to act up. She must change the subject at the interview so as not to lie.

Act 6

Essence: Geri passes the interview. She lies about her current health and her OCD as described listed on the health questionnaire. She passes the requirements and enlists.

INT. Base Apartment – Day

Home from the interview Geri is very nervous and can’t stop her hand washing.

Geri calls Bette, now in Korea to tell her. Bette says she’ll be home again soon, and can hardly wait. War is simply a game for the Generals to play, but no one cares for the men who sacrificed, and whose lives are barely accounted for.

Geri mentions the paperwork. She didn’t know what would be required of her. Bette says she bets that’s not applicable to the men. Bette tells her that she can change her mind, that she shouldn’t give up who she is simply for the career. She can still work for the Army. Gerry angrily says that is not the answer. Bette says more but we cannot hear. Geri writes down a phone number behind NYC.

INT. Officer’s Club – Day

Geri meets with Leo to plan the wedding but instead calls off their engagement giving no explanation. Leo over reacts and threatens Geri that she’ll never reach her goal as long as he is in charge. Geri walks out on him.

INT. Enlistment Office – Day

Lock In: After taking Pepto Bismal, Geri gets fitted for her first U.S. Army Uniform, AND HER OWN HAT. She requests to be stationed at the base she grew up on.

INT. Bus Station – Day
Dressed in her new Army Uniform, Geri boards a bus for NYC.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Setting Up The Future

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I constantly need to rework the Framework and Pitch Bible as every assignment changes the plot, character descriptions etc. This always takes longer than reworking the outline, but this is what I added.

Show that Geri is working on solving the “crime”

That Bette cut her teeth on Korea.

That something major happened on her and Bette’s last conversation with Geri before NY.

Show OCD as a big problem that she knows she must hide. Have Donna being born.
Discuss the cabin as a place they will go after retirement. Set up Mrs. Johnson as finding something at the house. Geri will find out who’s hat it is. (Show hat size?)

Could it be HL’s hat or not? Why would he hide his own hat? How was Leo injured in Korea?
Does he change his name from Leonard?

How has this been set up powerfully as a mystery of whether she’ll get in?

Show more the trajectory of trying to stop her, HL, Mililtary school, Illness, OCD, New York.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Adding Empathy/Distress!

What I learned from doing this assignment are techniques for elevating scenes and creating drama.

A. Crucible – Geri’s reaction at the crime scene. Interview with Army.

B. Betrayal – Marge betrays Bette with Leo. Leo’s reaction to calling off

engagement.

C. Forced Decision – Call with Bette re: dilemma and reaction.

D. Hurt those they love – Calling it off with Leo. Marge and Leo.

E. Emotional Dilemma – Calling it off with Leo.

F. Exposed – Col Martin to Leo.

G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences. Leo or Army?

2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?

Undeserved misfortune – mother’s death. Military school. Sick at interview.

External character conflicts – HL and Geri with hat. HL and Leonard. Bette and Geri in bed.

Plot intruding on life – Calling it off with Leo.

Plans that failed – Losing the hat to HL. Marriage to Leo fail.

Witnessing the pain of others – Geri seeing her depressed mother. Geri upon finding her mother. CL beating Leo. Mrs. Johnson to Geri. Geri when being bullied.

Extreme consequences – Calling it off with Leo.

Major loss – Losing mother. Losing Leo.

Brings their wound present – Geri dropping Leo. Geri’s dad leaving her at

military school with HL.

Step 2: Make those situations even worse.

Make it more painful – Seeing her father’s hat there.

Raise the stakes – Stealing the hat back could sabotage her future goal

for nurse’s school. High stakes interview.

Create more loss – She must leave her cat at home. She has no hat.

Paper hat is in blood. Dad’s hat stolen by HL.

Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk – goal is to make

mother happy. Now she’s dead.

Time this to be at the worst moment – When does she drop Leo. Does

Leo cheat on her after they’re engaged?

Make it more physically threatening – Being pushed down when she is

racing the other girls and hurting herself. HL threatens her. Military school drills are physically threatening.

[Laurie Brown]

Subject line: (Laurie Brown’s) Open Loops and Mysteries

What I learned from this assignment is that every beat is a mystery or open loop and that is evident when you list only the (M)’s and (OL)’s like I’ve done below.

TEASER

(OL) Who killed Bonnie Martin and why?

(MM) Will Geri live up to the promise to solve the mystery of her mother’s death?

(M) Who’s hat is that?

ACT 1

(M) Who killed Bonnie Martin?

o (M) Why did Geri take the hat?

(M) who’s hat is it?

(M) where does she hide the camera

(M) Police interrogate Col Martin. Did Bonnie Martin really have an accident or was she murdered?

o (M) How will Geri survive? Geri begs to go with him. He says no, he’ll be back in the morning.

o (M)Where’s the hat?

o (M) Who else knows about the death? Mrs. Johnson?

o (OL) What steps must she take? Can she get there? o (OL) is there a way around her father’s control?

ACT 2

o (M) what other schemes has Col Martin played out?
o (M) Who else knows about the death and the hat?
o (M) Now where’s the hat?
o (OL) Is Col. Martin’s strange parenting for or against Geri’s best interests? He

fools even us with his narcissistic on and off
o (OL) What does Headmaster know about the hat? Why did he confiscate it?

Act 3

o (M) who are Bette’s famous parents?

o (OL) can she trust her new friends?
o (M) Who is climbing in Marge’s bed after dark?
o (OL) is Bette gay or was that a childhood thing?
o (M) Why is Geri homophobic? Father?
o (OL) Geri gaining medals. Bette gaining boyfriends and Marge, good grades.

o (OL&M)Where’s the hat?
o (M&OL) what’s next for the fearsome threesome?

Act 4

o (Opening L) Col Martin stands in the back at Geri’s graduation, her runs into Leo who he seemingly knows. Geri comes up and he introduces them.

o (M) how does CM know Leo
o (M) what happened in Korea?
o (OL) Is Col Martin pushing Geri to date Leo?
o (M)whyisheputtingLeoinchargeofGeri?
o (M) what does keep them under control mean. o (M) What happened in Korea?
o (M)Leo understands what?
o (M)Was Marge with Leo?

Act 5

(M) is Leo the best for Geri? (M)what’s up with Marge’s illness and who is the DOI? (M) Do we trust Leo to be Geri’s husband?

(M) What’s wrong with Geri?

(OL) Can Geri cover up her illness and OCD to pass her interview with Army Enlistment Office
(M) Can Geri succeed in this first Army for women?

Act 6.

o (OL)Can Geri hide her OCD?
o (OL) will lying at her health questionnaire haunt Geri?
o (M) what did she hesitate before signing the paperwork?
o (M) What is the clause that Bette mentions to Geri on the phone? o (M) What does Bette mean re: “give up who she is?”
o (M) What’s in NYC?
o (M) Why did Geri call call it off with Leo.
o (M) Why did Geri go to NYC after fitting for her new uniform?
o (OL) She’s in the Army now. What’s ahead for Geri?

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Stacks Intrigue

What I learned from doing this assignment is how to keep a focus in the Act by leading to the turning point.

PILOT STRUCTURE: THE CORP TRUTH

Teaser:

• Essence: Geri Martin adores her mother and would do anything to make her happy, including being a fill-in for her cold, absent father.

o Geri eating breakfast with a paper Army hat on is served breakfast by matter of fact Bonnie Martin.

o Bonnie Martin takes her prescription meds while she is cleaning up. o Bonnie hands her a packed lunch and they do their secret skit –

Geri plays the colonel and talks about the surprises he has for her honey after work

They kiss goodbye and Geri sees that she has made her smile.

o The bell rings and Geri races out the door, the boys trying to catch up and she proudly increasing the gap.

o She runs through the kitchen door almost tripping on her mother’s body.

• Turning Point: Report Card in hand she finds her mom in a pool of blood.

Act 1:

Essence: Geri photographs the scene and swears to make her mother proud and solve her mysterious death. An Army hat, identical to her paper hat is at the scene.

Geri puts on the hat and makes a vows to her.

The neighbor, Mrs. Johnson says something nasty about Col Martin.

Col Martin calls off investigation claiming legal authority over the base.

Geri begs to go with him. He says no, he’ll be back in the morning.

Mrs. Johnson takes Geri overnight and goes back to the house to pack up Geri.

Over breakfast Mrs. Johnson tells Geri about military school. Geri, through

her tears, declares that will be perfect for what she has in mind.

Turning Point: Colonel Martin picks up a sad Geri to take her to military school.

Act 2:
Essence: Geri to military school. The headmaster promises to “take care of her”

o The headmaster acts all gaga around Col. Martin. Col Martin acts strange, too, and brags about his new appointment.

o Col Martin says now Geri won’t be interfering anymore.
o HL firmly disciplines one of the girls pointing out a different curfews o After the tour, HL searches Geri’s bags and finds the hat and takes it!

Turning Point: Headmaster Learned takes the hat and threatens discipline if she ever says anything to anyone about it again.

Act 3:
Essence: Geri beats the bullies and builds her team through Military school

o GeritellsBetteandMargeaboutthehat
o Bette, Geri and Marge search everywhere, everyday after

school – finally giving up.

o Finally – a week before graduation, Geri and Bette find the hat. They repeat their vows. Geri puts on the hat and vows to be a colonel.

o Bette gets a new convertible for graduation, and tells her parents she will not go to the family’s alma mater or marry Ron Paul!

o Someone is getting into bed with Marge. One night a scared Bette gets in bed with Geri, Geri likes it until

o Bette kisses Geri, Geri freaks out

o Series of pictures of the three of them changing through their teens –

o Geri gaining medals. Bette boys and Marge grades.

o Col. Martin and Headmaster Learned can’t find the hat and CM loses it over Learned never doing anything right.

Turning Point: Geri, Bette and Marge drive down the highway away from military school in Bette’s new convertible radio blaring, Geri hanging on to her hat

Act 4:
Essence: The girls graduate from nurses school. Geri meets Leo

• Leo approaches Geri and Marge at Officer’s Club

o Flirts and dances charmingly with Geri
o After Geri leaves he acts totally different with Marge.
o Marge comes in late, disheveled and happy in a strange way.

• Leo meets with Col. Martin

o He reminds Leo of how recent women have been allowed. o Must keep them under control.
o But not like he did in Korea.
o Leo says yes. He understands.

Turning Point: Colonel Martin says to Leo, “you and Geri will make a perfect pair.”

ACT. 5 Geri gets engaged

o Leo wines and dines Geri
o Marge gets sick and put in quarantine by the DOI o Geri accepts Leo’s proposal to marry
o Then Geri gets sick and covers it up
o Geri gets appointment for interview

Turning Point: Geri goes to the interview, fighting her illness and mounting OCD.

Act 6
Essence: Geri’s dream come true, Private First Class, U.S. Army.

o Geri is very nervous leading up can’t stop her hand washing.
o Geri lies about her OCD at the health interview.
o Geri signs the paperwork hesitating.
o Geri calls Bette to celebrate. Talks about the no children clause
o Bette tells her that she shouldn’t give up who she is simply for the

career. She could keep working for, but not join. o Geri writes down an address in NYC.

Lock In: Geri gets fitted for her first U.S. Army Uniform and hat, thrilled about her future she boards a plane to NYC.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Layers and Reveals

What I learned from doing this assignment was the importance of updating the framework and making it work for me.

Geri’s Dad is head of Dept of Interior
• Pulls rank on police re: opening an investigation

o Geri overhears this – driving her goal

• Col Martin coldly drops her off at military school o Col Martin knows The Headmaster

§ Acts strange o Col Martin knows Leo.

§ Acts strange

§ They agree to something before Leo proposes to Geri o Leo acts different with Marge after Geri leaves dance

§ Marge arrives home disheveled

Leo is a war hero

• The marriage gets called off. o He is unleashed

o Col Martin says Leo’s vengeful nature has been seen before § In Korea

Marge goes from teachers pet to informant

Marge treated special by Headmaster Learned

Someone is coming into Marge’s bed at night (HL?)

After Officer Club Dance Marge acts sick

o Leo authorizes sick leave and quarantined

o Marge moves in with Leo’s sister • Leo blackmails Marge

o Marge agrees to inform on Geri.
o In exchange for keeping quiet about her baby.

The hat is the key to solving the crime

A paper Army hat is prop between Geri Martin and her mother when they played Col and

Identical hat, not paper, is found by Geri at scene of mother

o Geri sets it aside when she takes the picture

o Geri denies having the hat to her father.

Geri tells Bette about the hat that she’s hid on campus

She and Bette go to find the hat – it’s gone.

On graduation Day Geri and Bette find the hat that they have obviously found before and take it.

On graduation day Col Martin and Headmaster go to get the hat. It’s gone.

Bette befriends Geri

• Bette crawls in bed with Geri o Bette kisses Geri

o Geri freaks out
• Bette goes to Korea but Geri and Marge stay here

Mrs. Johnson knows something

Brings Geri over to her house a

She talks to the police

She packs Geri

Intriguing or dangerous parts of the sub-world – Military school and DOI investigations

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Character Story Lines

What I learned from this assignment is to listen and follow instructions in spite of massive self doubt that it will turn out. It did.

PILOT STRUCTURE

(G) stands for Geri. (CM) stands for Colonel Martin. (HL) stands for Headmaster Learned. (B) stands for Bette. (M) stands for Marge. (L) stands for Leo.

Teaser:

Essence: (G Opening) Geri, knowing it will cheer up her mother, runs her perfect report card home, only to find her mother dead.

Turning Point: She finds her mom in the kitchen in a pool of blood and vows to gain the power her mother never had.

Act 1:

Essence: G takes a photo and steals the hat at the scene of the crime –

G vows to gain the power her mother never had.

(CM Opening) Colonel Martin finally arrives and talks to the police at the

scene of the crime.

(MJ Opening) CM talks to Mrs. Johnson.

Geri spends the night at Mrs. Johnson’s house.

Geri tells Mrs. Johnson that someday she will find the real cause of her

mother’s death.

Turning Point: Mrs. Johnson goes to house to pack up Geri.

Act 2:

Essence: Her estranged Dad drops her off at military school where his friend, the headmaster, promises to “take care of her”

Colonel Martin drives Geri to Military School

(HL Opening) CM tells HL to take care of Geri. HL vows to his friend to show

Geri “the ropes”

(B Opening) Bette peeks through the bed curtains as Geri unpacks, crying

and introduces herself.

Geri shows Bette her hat.

(M Opening) Marge overhears where Geri is hiding the hat.

Turning Point: The headmaster finds the hat in her belongings and steals it

from Geri, saying girls will never grow up to be in the Army.

Act 3:

Essence: Marge and Bette befriend Geri.

Geri, now showing OCD behaviors is bullied by the other girls.

Headmaster blames Geri and isolates her.

Muffled screams come from Marge’s bed at night.

Bette climbs in bed with Geri when it happens.

• Turning Point/Midpoint: Geri rebuffs Bette.

Geri, Bette and Marge graduate and get into nurses school. Act 4:

Essence: Geri, Bette and Marge graduate and get into nurses school.

Marge, Bette and Geri vow that when the army allows women to enlist they

will be the first amongst them.

Geri vows to be the first female colonel in the US Army, behind her is CM who

overhears her.

Bette argues with her parents that she does not want to marry the family

friend or go to the ivy league school.

CM goes with HL to find the hat.

Turning Point: Bette and Marge and Geri have the hat.

Act 5:

Essence: Geri meets Leo and falls in love and they get engaged. Geri is scheduled to interview with the Army to enlist, finally passing the interview and signing up.

(Opening L) Leo dances with Geri at officer’s club. Geri leaves early.

Marge gets a ride home from Leo and comes in disheveled.

Geri dates Leo and they get engaged.

Bette gets sent to Korea.

Geri gets word that she can enlist.

Marge gets sick and meets with Leo.

Marge gets quarantined.

Geri has the interview.

Geri gets sick.

Geri gets the in. Signs the paper.

Lock In: Geri calls it off with Leo, giving no explanation whatsoever.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Pilot Structure 1.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how to use the framework more to my advantage.

Teaser:

Essence: Geri is a mama’s girl, over achiever and just wishes she could make her mom happy.

Turning Point: Running home with her straight A report card she finds her mom in the kitchen in a pool of blood.

ACT 1:

Essence: Determined to protect her estranged Dad she takes a picture and steals the hat at the scene of the crime –

Turning Point: vowing to her mother to gain the power she never had and find the real cause of her mother’s death.

ACT 2:

Essence: Her estranged Dad drops her off at military school where his friend, the headmaster, promises to “take care of her”

Turning Point: With Marge’s help- the headmaster finds the hat in her belongings and steals it from her, saying girls will never grow up to be in the Army.

ACT 3:

Essence: Marge and Bette befriend her, tell her the rules and tell her they will show her how to please the headmaster and stand up to the bullying from the other girls.

Turning Point/Midpoint: Geri makes up a big story about her obsessive- compulsive disorder, gaining their sympathy and alliance, but swears them to secrecy.

ACT 4:

Essence: Graduation Day and Marge, Bette and Geri vow to each other that when the army allows women to enlist they will be the first amongst them. Geri vows to be the first female colonel in the US Army.

Turning Point: Bette and Marge help Geri steal back the hat.

ACT 5:

Essence: They graduate nursing school and get jobs with the Army. Bette goes to Korea. Geri meets Leo and falls in love and they get engaged.

Turning Point: Marge gets sick and is quarantined. Then Geri gets sick, too.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Amazing Inciting Incident

What I learned doing this assignment is again, how easy something can be after you’ve thought it through in advance – in this case, the framework to pitch bible process.

1. What is the “Inciting Incident” of your series that this pilot needs to deliver powerfully? The inciting incident is Geri Martin finding her mother in a pool of blood with her father’s colonel hat on the counter, taking the hat, and vowing to her mother to solve the crime.

2. Give us the main beats of that Inciting Incident:

Intriguing Concept: The journey of Geri Martin to become the first colonel of a U.S. Army that disallowed women.

Act 1: Geri Martin loses her treasured mother to a cause of death unknown.

Midpoint: She vows to be an Army colonel some day and solve the crime.

Lock In: Geri and her new best friends, steal her Dad’s colonel hat back

from his friend, the headmaster, at the military school he enrolled her in.

[Laurie Brown]

World: The oppressive world of the women in the Army Corp of Nurses.

Main mystery: Who killed Bonnie Martin.

Impossible Goal: Geri Martin’s goal to be the first female colonel.

Main Conflict: Geri is being underhandedly sabotaged by her scorned

fiancé, Leo, who blackmails her best friend to help.

Second Mystery: Will Geri Martin get caught? And for doing what?

Season 1 Arc: From finding her mother dead in the kitchen to becoming

first female major of the Army Corp of Nurses

Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: To overcome her mother’s death

and turn a challenging military school into a path to her ultimate dream.

2. Tell us the basic Pilot Info:

PILOT INFO:

Pilot Conflict: Geri’s only support, her mother, is dead and she must gain the power to solve her mother’s mystery, as an Army Colonel.

Characters Introduced: Geraldine(Geri) Martin, Bette Dayton , Marge Haley, Leo Dahnert, Headmaster Learned, Colonel Gerald Martin, Bonnie Martin, Mrs. Johnson, Barb Dahnert

Inciting Incident of Season 1: Geri Martin finding her mother dead and vowing to become a colonel in the Army like her Dad, in order to uncover the truth of her mother’s mysterious death.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Visually Appealing Bible

What I learned from this assignment is another way to make my pitch bible better. I loved the example, but am going to pass on pictures at this time because it’s not in my wheelhouse. I’ll seek someone to help me make it more visually appealing with pics once I feel complete with the pitch bible and the course work. Onward to Module 3.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Creating Your TV Pitch Bible

What I learned from this assignment is that the pitch bible is a marketing tool, yes, but it is also the entire outline of the show The set ups and pay offs must be carefully timed and I’m assuming that you only reveal in the pitch bible episodes and seasons as much as you will reveal in the actual writing of the episodes. For that reason, I think I have a good start, that I could send to a producer, but that I’ll be working on it much more as the course progresses.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Episode Titles

What I learned from Doing this assignment is that I had to redo the episodes, crunching the first three episodes into episode one, which put season 2 into season one and left me needing to create a new season 5. I knew that I would eventually need to do it, but this lesson inspired me to fix it.

EPISODE 1 – THE ARMY HAT

EPISODE 2 – THE OFFICER’S CLUB

EPISODE 3- A DASHING FIANCE

EPISODE 4 – DASHING HIS DREAMS

EPISODE 5 – WHAT HANGER?

EPISODE 6- BLACK MALE BABY

EPISODE 7- FUNDING HER OWN DEMISE

EPISODE 8 – SPILLED BEANS

SEASON 1 – SECRETS SQUARED

SEASON 2 – THE BODY COUNT

SEASON 3 – CALLED TO ACCOUNT

SEASON 4 – TRUTH AND DARE

SEASON 5 – COLONEL KARMA

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is that knowing what not to reveal is as important to know and also when to reveal it – OR do I mislead the audience in another direction.

I loved this assignment and applied it for a complete rewrite of my pitch bible. It is greatly improved and I can see how this is really elevating the show to be bingeworthy.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Intrigue Patterns

What I learned from doing this assignment is that each intrigue pattern added an element to the line until at the end I put it all together. What I have learned from work with Hal is to just do the assignment and trust that it will come together and it does.

Using Intrigue Patterns, describe some aspect of your story or characters.
1. Pull out your TV Pitch Bible. Read through it and find ONE line you would like

to be more intriguing.

A determined Geri Martin seeks the power she needs to uncover her mother’s mysterious death, by raising in the ranks of the new Army Corp of Nurses where she is forced to weave a complicated web of deception to succeed in a world with oppressive rules that don’t apply to the men.

I replaced it with the statement below, using the process outlined here.

She would have been the all American hero, if she were a man, but instead Geri Martin was humiliated by the oppressive rules of the military and the secrets that led her mother’s gruesome death, on her journey to become the first female colonel in the Army Corp of Nurses.

2. Rethink that line using ALL of these patterns, as I did above:

A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.

Finding her mother dead in a pool of blood leads Geri Martin to find th power she needs to succeed in the world only to be foiled by the men who were responsible for her mother’s death.

B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface. Powerless over uncovering the mysterious death of her mother, Done in by the

same kind of secrecy that lead to her mother’s mysterious death, Geri Martin’s rise to colonel in the Army Corp of Nurses is plagued by the same secrets that led to her mother’s mysterious death.

C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..

In an Army that will not allow women, Geri Martin, must overcome the betrayal of

her father and best friends to rise to be the first colonel in the Army Corp of

Nurses.

D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done. Geri

Martin convinced her father and fiancé are behind her mother’s mysterious death and Army inquisition, seeks justice by becoming the first colonel in the Army Corp of Nurses.

E. But maybe it is all wrong.
Geri Martin does everything by the book in her quest to become the first colonel in

the Army Corp of Nurses, so why is she on trial at the Deptartment of

Interior.
• F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences Geri Martin does it all right,

military school, army leuitenant, major and finally the first female colonel in the Army Corp of Nurses, so why is she being questioned by the Dept of Interior?

• G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____. Just because Geri succeeded in a man’s army doesn’t mean she the men aren’t out to get her.

• H. State the mystery. How does the first colonel in the army corp of nurses get there, without breaking the rules that led to her mother’s death.

• I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse. It should be written up in U.S. History, Geri Martin’s rise to first female colonel in the Army Corp of Nurses, but instead led to uncovering the sordid secrets that led to her mother’s mysterious death.

• J. Intense language. She would have been the all American hero, if she were a man, but instead Geri Martin was humiliated by the oppressive rules of the military and the secrets that led her mother’s gruesome death, on her journey to become the first female colonel in the Army Corp of Nurses.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) TV Pitch Bible Investigation

What I learned doing this assignment is that this process exponentially increased the mystery, intrigue, character conflict, irony, and elevated the show and material for future seasons”

1. Starting with your BW Framework and current draft of the TV Pitch Bible, ASSUME there is something beneath the surface that you absolutely MUST discover. DONE.

2. Investigate by picking situations and characters and asking: DONE.

3. Evaluate the possibilities and decide what you are going to use in the different parts of your TV Pitch Bible.
I just highlighted in yellow what I was going to use in the pitch bible.

4. For any parts where there is a substantial improvement, rewrite those parts of the TV Pitch Bible. Then, tell us what parts you changed and give a quick description of what you did.

I totally filled in the mystery around the death of the main character’s mother . I addressed the cause, claiming it to be an illegal abortion gone bad, where the doctor supposedly has fleed the scene. Set up the mystery of the father’s hat being there and why Geri stole it.

Set up what is underneath Geri’s needing to become a colonel in the Army and the symbolism of her father’s hat. Misled the audience about why Geri’s father took her to that particular military school and why the headmaster took the hat and was out to foil Geri.

Introduced Leo as a young man and misled the audience to think the headmaster was the one raping Marge, when it was Leo, but because he lost and eye and had a limp later in life, Bette and Geri didn’t recognize their commanding officer as the kitchen boy, Leo, at the military school.

I introduced the bigger world of the story, the Department of Interior earlier in the show, as a place Leo would eventually work, and that gave him the power to go after Geri.

I found a home for Marge’s secret son, Mark, at Leo’s sister’s house and made a role for him in the fifth season – a role that that almost complete’s the main character’s character arc.

I expanded Mark’s character into adulthood and built in an attempted rape of Bette’s niece, an armed confrontation of Geri with Mark and Leo and justice being served.

I expanded on Geri’s childhood neighbor and her role in the coverup of Geri’s mom and leading eventually to Geri solving the crime in the last episode of the last season – a total surprise ending. There’s more here, but I don’t know where it all will lead right now.

I misled the audience as to why Geri is being questioned by the Dept of Int and slowly revealed possible causes along the way as misleads, eventually having Geri confess and give up her goal to gain power for a goal for truth and justice.

There is still a lot to work on to make this all work and keep the audience guessing but this was a major piece of work that allowed me to rewrite parts of each episode and all of the seasons. I didn’t change character descriptions but feel complete for this pass.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Show Summary

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it is easy to do the assignment quickly when I have had breakthroughs in the previous lesson. Work after breakthroughs!

THE CORP TRUTH SUMMARY

Twelve year old Geri Martin races home to show her mother her straight A report card, but instead finds her beloved mother lying dead in a pool of blood – her father’s Army hat and a one hundred dollar bill on the counter next to her. She vows to solve the mystery of her mother’s brutal death, emulating the path of her powerful father, to become the first female colonel in the U.S. Army- an Army that allows only men,

Immediately she is carted off by her father to military school under a Headmaster who sees it as his duty to dash her unrealistic dreams and make her into somebody’s wife.

Determined to succeed she wards off the bullies and perfects the military ways. Geri and her two military school buddies, Marge and Bette, vow to make it all the way so that when the Army finally does allow 2% women, they will be amongst them. But only one can be a colonel. And Geri wants it all – an army career, husband and family. So when charming, war hero, Leo asks for her hand in marriage, she says yes. What she didn’t know, was that being in the army meant never having children.

She must chose between the power of a Colonel or a family of her own.

Without explanation she breaks off the engagement. Leo, now a lover scorned, blackmails Marge, in scheme that protects their secret son, Mark, from the scrutiny of an Army that would throw Marge out for having him; in exchange for foiling Geri’s army career. Leo’s promotion to secret operative for the Department of Interior gives him the power, if Marge can give him the evidence.

Will Geri Martin gain the power to solve the mystery of her mother’s tragic death or be the victim of the Army’s oppressive rules at the hand of her best friend?

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Episode Descriptions

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I didn’t think I had enough material to make this interesting but by following this formula I was able to greatly elevate the story making the descriptions easier to write. This was a hard assignment, but I had many breakthroughs. Going to imperfectly post it now.

Episode 1

Hook/Intrigue: When young Geri Martin races home to be with her mother she finds her laying in a bloody pool, her father’s hat on the counter with money.

Main Character journey: Geri, gets plunged out of innocence into a brutal reality over which she is powerless

Major Challenge/Conflict: left alone to deal with her father’s rage

Action/Reaction: Vowing to uncover the truth she takes a

polaroid, the money and then her father’s hat

Cliffhanger: This she will take with her, wherever she ends up

now.

When young Geri Martin races the boys home from school, her straight A report card in her hand. Rushing excitedly into the house she finds her mother lying in a pool of blood, her father’s hat on the kitchen counter next to one hundred dollars in cash. After the initial shock she finds the camera, and takes a photo of the scene. She pockets the $100 and stashes the camera under her bed.

Plunged out of innocence into a new brutal reality, Geri puts on her father’s hat and she vows to gain power equal to that of her father, a colonel in the Army, as that’s what she will need to expose the truth behind her Mama’s mysterious death. She puts the hat under the bed and the neighbor lady picks her up. She watches from the neighbor’s window her mother wheeled into the hearse. Her father pulls into the driveway. He throws her suitcase in his trunk and they drive silently through the countryside.

Episode 2

Hook/Intrigue: Can Geri survive the cold harsh reality of a military school.

Main Character journey: Geri’s grief turns to determination.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Geri, now at military school has met

her nemesis, the powerful and brutal headmaster.

Action/Reaction: When the headmaster tells her that no woman can be in the military she forges ahead, vowing to someday wear

the colonel hat that she stole from the scene.

Cliffhanger: Will Geri’s run in with the Headmaster do her in or

will she make friends who will help her see this through.

Geri’s father pulls up to the Milwaukee Military School for Girls. Her father hands her over the Headmaster, who he seems to know, hands Geri her bag and leaves her. Geri unpacks her bags on her bed, two girls her age peak through the bed curtains from either side of her bed. She tells the Headmaster that she will be like her father, a colonel in the Army. The Headmaster informs her that there is no place in the Army for a girl, women aren’t allowed to join the Army. He snatches away her father’s hat. Geri tries to grab it away from him. He throws her down on her bed forcefully.

The girl on her left, Bette, reaches her hand through the curtain but Geri just looks at it and cries. Will the Headmaster make her Geri even more determined to have her own power someday or keep her down, much like her father.

Episode 3

Hook/Intrigue: Will Geri’s new friend, Bette, stand behind her or will the secret admirer of the Headmaster, Marge, scheme to do her in.

Main Character journey: Geri, shy and withdrawn away from home, silently plays by herself until she gets noticed by a friend, Bette, who helps her show off her baseball talents.

Major Challenge/Conflict: A new school and bullies that would like to see her fail.

Action/Reaction: Makes her try even harder until she wins the game with a grand slam.

Cliffhanger: But why is her nemesis, Marge, comforted by the Head Master.

Geri is shy and alone as she eats in the mess hall day after day. Finally, Bette, moves her chair over and beckons Geri to join she and Marge. But they don’t talk. Even on the playground Geri plays alone, but determined to succeed at military school she starts to show off her scholarly skills and athletic prowess, but her anxiety flubs her up, giving the bullies fuel for fodder, especially Marge, a special friend of the headmaster, who ridicules her.

But Bette, her bedmate to her left, and takes Geri under wing, showing the others that at least at baseball, nobody can beat Geri.

Episode 4

Hook/Intrigue: Geri’s mother’s death and cruelty she felt at the hand of her father haunts Geri, so why does her father’s hat matter.

Main Character journey: Waking with the powerlessness she felt as a child she takes her power back with a plan.

Major Challenge/Conflict: concocting a dangerous scheme against the Headmaster And get back her father’s army hat

Action/Reaction: to steal her father’s hat from the headmaster.

Cliffhanger: Who pulled back the bed curtain? Will she and Bette

execute the plan?

Nightmares haunt Geri, where she relives her father’s cruelty and repeated rape of her mother and the vivid remembrance of her mother in a pool of blood. One night she is awakened by the pull of the curtain between her bed and Marge. To her surprise, Bette is lying next to her in her bed and puts her hand over Geri’s mouth to silence her.

The next day Geri enrolls her new friend Bette in a dangerous scheme to take back her father’s Army hat, from the Headmaster who had so cruelly confiscated it from her, not knowing that Marge is listening to their every word.

Episode Five

• Hook/Intrigue: Will Geri and Bette’s lying sheme get uncovered preventing Geri’s graduation or acceptance to nursing school?

Main Character journey: Successfully reaching graduation Geri justifies her secrets and lies – because no one will ever know. But when she realizes someone does know she vows to regain her honor, that even for the best reasons she will never lose her honor again with secrets and lies.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Graduating from military school with a secret that could foil her.

Action/Reaction: Feeling redeemed by her vow she moves full speed ahead and gets into nurses school and hired by the Army.

Cliffhanger: Bette goes to Korea, leaving Geri with her secret enemy.

Eighteen year old Bette and Geri uncover the hat from it’s hiding place of many years. Marge is watching and Geri sees it. Then trumpets sound and it is time for graduation. The three of them, with their secret sign as BFF’s, receive their diplomas. Geri’s name is not called, making her very nervous. Then it is.

At the reception, Bette argues with her wealthy family. Geri looks for her father, and Marge talks with the Headmaster about needing his recommendation for nurses school. He heartily agrees to give it.

Fast forward to them attending nurses school, getting their certificates, then going together to the Army recruiting office and signing up as paid civilian nurses for the U.S. Army. Bette gets papers to go to Korea, Marge and Geri move into nurses quarters on base.

Episode Six

Hook/Intrigue: Will Geri find out her fiancé is cheating on her with her best friend?

Main Character journey: Geri, now playing by the rules, seeks the love of a man and her own family

Major Challenge/Conflict: Marge and Jeri, compete for Leo,

Action/Reaction: But when she has the chance to be an enlisted

member of the Army, she signs away her right to have children

and so does Marge, dashing her dreams for a family.

Cliffhanger: Is Marge sick and why does she get a leave of

absence?

Geri and Marge dance with the officers at the officer’s club. A handsome officer, Leo, dances with Geri and she is smitten – his disability a badge of honor. Geri goes home early and Leo dances with Marge, offering to take her back to the nurses barracks. Once in the car, Leo forces himself upon her, she cries out in a muffled horror, he covers her mouth, finishes up and swears her to secrecy.

Leo calls Geri and asks her out. Weekend after weekend, Marge must watch her leave with Leo as they wine and dine and fall in love. Geri expresses her love for Leo and together they share their desire for a family and get engaged. Geri thinks she has it all, including, thanks to a new law, a chance to join the Army as a woman.

But her friend Marge is sick. She is vomiting every day and Geri thinks she should go to the infirmary. Marge, claims hereditary colitis and goes to her supervisor, a friend of Leo, who gives her a sick leave pass.

Episode Seven

Hook/Intrigue: Geri falls in love with the man of her dreams but doesn’t know he is the father of Marge’s secret child

Main Character journey: She wants to have it all career and family

Major Challenge/Conflict: But knowing she is pregnant and has

signed away her right to get pregnant, she must choose

Action/Reaction: So she breaks off the engagement with no

explanation.

Cliffhanger: how does she cover up the pregnancy

Marge now isolated on medical leave, Geri and Leo start planning their wedding. Then to her surprise is called in for the big interview and she is accepted in the military as a full-fledged member of the Army. She calls Bette to celebrate and they are hopeful for Bette but worried that Marge will lose the opportunity by being on leave and missing the big interview. She passes the grueling interview.

Geri goes to the recruiting office and is given the paperwork to sign. She reads one contract over and over again, with worry. Then she signs it. Later, celebrating her victory with Leo, he talks about the names he has chosen for his future children. She tells him she may not be able to have

children. Suddenly Geri starts throwing up, too. She calls Bette, then meets with Leo and calls off the engagement – no reason stated.

Episode Eight

Hook/Intrigue: Why did Geri break off the engagement?

Main Character journey: She is faced with a decision that could

end her career or her wish for family.

Major Challenge/Conflict: Leo, now a lover scorned, blackmails

Marge to ruin Geri’s career.

Action/Reaction: She breaks it off with Leo.

Cliffhanger: Can Geri survive this web of deception?

Leo is furious and rants and raves to a medically isolated Marge. Geri, vowing never to lose honor again with lies and secrets, sends cryptic wires to Bette overseas. Leo, a lover scorned, blackmails Marge to take down Geri, foiling her plan to take the sole position of Colonel in Army Corp of Nurses, which now allows for women. Defeated, he will sweep her back into his arms. In return, he will keep Marge’s secret and see to it that she gets into the Army Corp of Nurses as an enlistee, even while she is on leave.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Episode List Rough Draft

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the story takes form as you brainstorm first, and then seek the order. Again keep moving forward vs. perfectionism is the way to go.

Question A: What is the Beginning of the season and the End of the season?

SEASON 1

A. High Concept How can an old for her age little girl, haunted by the mysterious death of her mother and an absentee Army Colonel father find her way in military school to pursue her goal to be the first female colonel in an Army that doesn’t allow women to join.

Cliffhanger: What will the headmaster do to her?

Beginning: Geri’s finds her mother dead in a pool of blood. Intro to her mother’s powerless world as wife of an absent military officer living on a military base and forced to follow his oppressive rules even in his absence.

Ending: Geri lays quietly in bed, as the headmaster does final bed count, shuts off the lights and closes the drape that separates her from Marge, the girl next door.

Mystery One.

Question A: What is the mystery? Mystery is how did Geri’s mother die. <div>

Question B: How could the mystery be set up? What parts will be left out that must be solved? Geri finds her body in a pool of blood. Must leave out the cause of death.

Question C: What it the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover? Geri is driven to uncover the secret of her mother’s death and why her father won’t tell her.

Mystery Two – What do the girls fear about the Headmaster at the Military School.

Question A: What is the mystery? What do the girls fear about the Headmaster at the Military School?</div><div>

Question B: How could the mystery be set up? What parts will be left out that must be solved? Geri gets warned not to say a peep when he comes around. He leans into to her appearing to comfort her in bed, but shuts the curtain between her and Marge, staying on the side of Marge. Leave out what happens to Marge.

Question C: What it the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover? The girls are driven to uncover how to have power over their superiors using military rules.

Looking at your answers to #1 and #2, you might already know where your lead character’s journey starts and concludes for this season.

Question A: Where does the Lead Character journey begin and end for this season? Geri starts as a traumatized little girl attempting to bring her mother back to life and vowing to solve her mother’s mysterious death. He character’s journey ends in military school, acting brave and accepting her fate, but terrified of the head master and powerless over her situation she vows to survive. </div><div>

Question B: Where might this character go in future seasons? Into the military to get the power in the world she has been denied. How could that influence this season’s journey? She makes a pledge to find justice for her mother, vowing that there would be no more secrets.

Layers.

Question A: What layers have you already discovered in your BW Framework?

· Intriguing Layers (Lesson 4)

· A. Hidden Agendas: Prove herself to father.

· B. Competition: Marge for Colonel

· C. Conspiracy: Cover a secret from her past

· D. Secrets: pregnancy, abortion, lesbian

· E. Deception: Hides her true self (her hat)

· F. Wound: Mother’s mysterious death

Question B: Are there any other layers that you could think of? What other meanings might you give the current story, plot, character, relationship, world, etc.?Hidden Agenda – motives of the headmaster. Relationship of the headmaster to the father. Justice for her mother. Get power in the world of the military,Competition with her father for her mother’s love.Wound: Father’s not allowing the hat. Headmaster taking away the hat. Conspiracy – Steal the hat back from the head master.Secret – Mother hates the father. Sleeps with him only for money. Geri steals her hat back and hides it from the Headmaster. Geri sleeps with Bette at night. Marge is being raped by the Headmaster.Secret identity – only trusts women.

· Layer: Opening scene Geri, with an army hat on finds her mother in a pool of blood.

· Layer: Geri, taken to a neighbor flashes back on her father coming home from the Army to visit.

· Layer:In same flashback the father scolds Geri for wearing the hat. She runs to her room and hides it.

· Layer: In same flashback the father and mother fight about him not sending money. She listens in. The mother begs him not to, but he rapes her leaving money on the kitchen counter.

· Layer: Back to scene – The father drops her off at military school where she meets the headmaster.

· Layer: The headmaster is a friend of the father. The father tells him to protect her.

· Layer: The headmaster takes her hat away saying girls don’t wear army hats.

· Layer – Geri conspires with Bette and Marge to steal the hat back and she hides it under her mattress.

· Layer – Geri is terrified that the Headmaster will find her hat at night.

· Layer – He comes in every night and she is warned to not make a peep.

· Layer – He comes in and pulls the drape between Geri and Marge.

· Layer – from the other side, Bette crawls in bed with Geri.

5. Make a list of the Major Story Lines.

Question A: What main characters have story lines that affect everyone else? </div>

Geri’s Mom dies a mysterious death.

Geri gets put into military school and defies the headmaster, a friend of her dad’s who her Dad tells to protect Geri.

The headmaster is doing something to Marge at night that is a secret.

Bette takes Geri under wing to comfort her while it is going on..

<div>

Question B: What are the most important story lines of this show?

Geri’s comeback from her mother’s death leading her to a way to gain power – a vow to become Colonel in the Army – and the secrets that threaten her rise to the top.

Bette’s big heart that she opens to Geri, and inherent fight for truth justice to restore and protect the honor of the soldiers she cares for in Viet Nam.

Marge’s sexual abuse as a child and in the Army and her perpetrators blackmail to keep it quiet, eventually leading to her secret son and betrayal of Geri.

Leo’s misogynistic ways leading to setting up Geri for failure and blackmailing Marge against her, eventually (as a secret operative of the Department of Interior) trying Geri for treason.

Bette and Geri’s friendship that is really so much more, but their “don’t ask, don’t tell” façade keeps the truth from even the show’s audience until the end.

OUTLINING PROCESS

3. Sequence the episode ideas into 8 to 13 episodes. You know where the season begins and where it ends, so those will be your Episode 1 and Episode 8. Then look to see what episodes might emerge in between 1 and 8.

Episode 1: Geri, a good student, and obedient child comes home from school and finds her mother dead in a pool of blood, with money and her father’s hat on the counter.

Episode 2: Geri’s father picks her up at the neighbor’s and takes her in the car.

Episode 3: Geri’s first day in military school and meeting with the Headmaster (a friend of her father’s) who takes her hat.

Episode 4: Geri, Bette and Marge eat dinner together at the military mess hall.

Episode 5: Geri steals her hat back from the headmaster in a scheme dreamed up by her new friends, Bette and Marge.

Episode 6: Geri, Bette and Marge play army, Geri is the colonel. Marge and Bette don’t care.

Episode 7: Geri flashbacks on father coming home, scolding Geri and raping her mother, leaving his hat and the money on the table.

Episode 8: Headmaster pull curtain between Geri and Marge’s bed.

4. With each episode, list the main events of that episode in bullet points.

Episode 1

· Geri sits in her class and answers the question about WWII.

· Running home from school she races two boys and wins.

· Throwing open the door to the house she runs in screaming, “mom, I’m home”

· Running into the kitchen she finds her mother dead in a pool of blood.

· Her father’s army hat and money are on the counter.

Episode 2

· Geri sits at the table with the neighbor looking out the window.

· Two men wheel a body out of Geri’s front door to a hearse.

· The neighbor encourages Geri to eat.

· Geri flashbacks on her father coming home when she was younger, her mother begging him not to.

· He rapes her mother and leaves money on the counter

· He takes his hat back which Geri has put on her head.

· Father pulls up in his car.

Episode 3

· Geri’s rides with her father silently.

· Geri’s father goes into the building and talks to a man.

· Geri takes his hat off of the dashboard where he left it and tucks it under her shirt.

· Geri stands in an office before the same man at his desk, he gives her the drill.

· Geri unpacks at her bed, two girls, Marge and Bette look from either side through the pulled curtain.

· The Headmaster spots the hat on Geri’s bed

· The Headmaster takes the hat, saying no girl will ever get in the army.

Episode 4

· Geri looks for a table to sit at in the mess hall.

· Bette and Marge are seated together watching her.

· Marge makes a remark that there can be only one teacher’s pet.

· The headmaster comes through and smiles at Marge.

· Bette makes room for Geri to be seated.

· Geri quietly eats and heads to her next class.

· The teacher writes math problems on the board.

· Geri solves the problem in her seat.

· The teacher asks for someone to come up and solve the problem.

· Geri sits still

Episode 5

· Geri and Bette bump into each other on the playground.

· Geri is playing baseball by herself.

· Bette takes the ball and pitches it to Geri.

· Geri slams a home run.

· All of the girls turnaround in amazement.

· Geri picks Bette to be on her team alternating with Marge who is also building her team.

· Geri’s team wins after Geri hits a home run.

· Marge looks angry and stomps away mad.

· Geri and Bette hold up their hand in victory.

· The headmaster looks on.

Episode 6

· Geri and Bette hide around the corner from the Headmaster’s office.

· The headmaster leaves his office.

· Geri runs in, motioning to Bette to follow.

· Geri opens his filing cabinet and finds her hat.

· Together they tear out the office with the hat under her shirt.

· Marge is watching from the distance.

Episode 7:

· Geri tosses and turns in bed.

· Geri dreams being with her mother, Geri leading the march with her paper Army hat on.

· Geri’s father pulls into the driveway.

· Geri’s mother pulls off Geri’s hat and runs to the bathroom and puts on lipstick.

· Geri runs out the door to greet her father who ignores her.

· He goes into the house and Geri can hear them fighting about money.

· Geri’s mother starts to cry and scream no.

· Geri’s father forces himself on the mother

· He leaves forgetting his hat and putting money on the table.

Episode 8:

· Geri, Bette and Marge play army, Geri is the colonel.

· Geri barks orders at the other two.

· Bette takes it in stride and laughs.

· Marge storms out saying she will not take orders from a girl.

· Geri says they are just friends. They take a vow to be best friends forever – the three of them.

· Bette on one side and Marge on the other, they fool around in the group bunk hall.

· Geri stands on the bed giving orders for lights out.

· The lights flash on and off and all three jump under the covers.

· The Headmaster inspects all of the beds, then turns off the lights.

· The sound of the curtain pulled between Geri and Marges bed.

· Geri reaches over. Bette is huddled close in her bed.

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[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Five Seasons

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the only way forward when the task at hand is so daunting, is to just keep bouncing back and forth through the assignment and to accept being imperfect.

1. Brainstorm to find the arc of the entire journey, from Season One to Five.

Can an insecure, shallow young woman, riddled with secrets that threatened her rise to the highest rank in an Army that didn’t want woman, survive under the command of an officer who wanted her love, but not her military success?

2. Brainstorm the Stair Step version.

Season 1: Conflict with her father after mysterious death of her mother leading to being dropped off at military school where she makes a bond with her new friends for life, Marge and Bette, to be forever true to each other and to their lifetime dreams to be the first female officers in the Army.

Season 2: When a law is passed allowing women to join the Army and Geri, Marge and Bette are amongst the lucky few to advance from paid civilian nurses to the Army Corp of Nurses. Bette gets stationed overseas, while Geri and Marge stay behind, where they each secretly date their commanding officer, Leo. Leo, who asks for Geri’s hand in marriage, impregnates Marge. Willing to cover up for Marge, Leo gives her a bogus “sick leave” and she has a secret son, allowing her to stay in the army. Did Geri find out about Leo’s infidelity or is there another reason she called off the engagement.

Season 3: Leo, a lover now scorned, was promoted to secret operative for the Department of Interior. Still wanting Geri, he threatens to derail her rise to Colonel. He blackmails Marge to carry it out, all while Geri masterminds an elaborate cover up to her abortion, about which she confides in Marge.

Season 4: As a final test to her rise to Colonel, Geri gets sent to Viet Nam, where she reunites with Bette who has been there for two years as a MASH nurse. Geri confides in Bette about Leo and her abortion while Bette tells Geri about the lie the Army is perpetuating to cover up the death casualties. Bette challenges Geri to win back her honor by challenging the Army and telling the truth. Bette asks Geri to join her by defying the Army orders. Meanwhile, stateside, Leo and Marge carry out their plans to destroy Geri’s career. Then Geri gets a letter from the Department of Interior for a charges being made against Bette.

Season 5: Bette, charged with a diabolical scheme to kill injured soldiers by holding them back from flying out of Viet Nam to hospitals in Japan. Bette, facing imprisonment, begs Geri to help her, to tell the truth and restore the honor to those who “died in Japan”, vs. were casualties of the Viet Nam war. On her final rung to the ladder of success Geri assumes she must decide between betraying Bette or telling the truth of their plan to save the honor of the injured soldiers. But when Geri takes the witness stand, the line of questioning changes, and following questions about why she broke off her engagement with Leo, the prosecution asks about her relationship with Bette. Geri looks at Bette and tells it all, about the abortion, Leo’s rape, the government’s conspiracy to cover up casualties in Viet Nam and finally her love for Bette. She lays her medals on the table and as she and Bette leave the courthouse together, (the press hounding them with questions) they pass Leo and Marge, the wind finally out of Leo’s blackmail scheme, he loses Geri forever as she has revealed her true self and to the world, the real love in her life, Bette. Do they live happily ever after?

3. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.

SEASON 1

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: How can an abandoned daughter of an Army Colonel get from military school to the first female colonel in an Army that doesn’t allow women to join.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Insecure, lost little girl, takes on challenge in military school of new best friends who vow to climb the ranks of military schools, bonded together forever as best friends for life.

C. Main Conflict: Geri, Marge and Bette must each overcome their estrangement from their families by learning to trust each other in a military school with rules that would have them fail.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Will Geri betray her friends to succeed in her climb to the top?

E. Cliffhanger: In the opening scene, why is Geri being questioned at a hearing by the Department of Interior and for what.

SEASON 2

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: When the law changes allowing women to be in the Army will Geri and Marge be chosen to be amongst the few or will their mutual but secret lover, Leo, successfully pit them against each other?

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: From insecure, wall flower civilian nurse to sought after wife of war hero, Geri is first female nurse allowed in the Army, while Marge takes a mysterious leave of absence.

C. Main Conflict: Geri and Marge, unbeknownst to them, are engaged in a competitive battle for the love of their superior officer, Leo, who impregnates them both, threatening their chances to get in an Army that now allows for women, but does not allow for pregnancy.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Will Geri marry Leo and give up her dreams? Is Marge’s sanctioned leave of absence to have a child or have an abortion?

E. Cliffhanger: What does Geri decide to do?

SEASON 3

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Can Geri keep her secret from the Army, and especially from Leo, secret operative of the Dept of Interior?

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Geri, violating her ethics and honor, lies to Leo about the pregnancy and breaks off the engagement.

C. Main Conflict: Geri and Marge, risk their lifelong dreams by covering up their abortion (Geri) and a secret son (Marge) while Leo, a lover scorned, blackmails Marge to take down Geri.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Will Geri succeed in her climb to the top or will her best friend’s scheming ways do her in.

E. Cliffhanger: Will Geri get transferred to Viet Nam?

SEASON 4

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Will Geri and Bette survive together in Viet Nam or be taken down by Marge as she moves forward with her diabolical plan with Leo to take Geri down.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Geri confides in Bette about Leo and her abortion while Bette tells Geri about the lie the Army is perpetuating to cover up the massive deaths in Viet Nam. Bette challenges Geri to win back her honor by challenging the Army and telling the truth.

C. Main Conflict: Bette and Geri saving the honor of the dying soldiers by defying the Army orders as Leo and Marge carry out their plans to destroy Geri’s career.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: Will Marge have the evidence to bring Geri back to trial and for what? Will Bette convince Geri to help her save the honor of the dying soldiers in Viet Nam?

E. Cliffhanger: Geri gets called back to Washington to the Department of the Interior trial against Bette. Why?

SEASON 5

A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Bette, charged with a diabolical scheme to hold back soldiers from flying out of Viet Nam to hospitals in Japan.

B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: From successful candidate for colonel, Geri is questioned by the Dept of Interior, to betray Bette or

C. Main Conflict: On her final rung to the ladder of success Geri assumes she must decide between betraying Bette or telling the truth of their plan to save the honor of the injured soldiers who, if removed from Viet Nam by helicopter to Japanese hospitals would lose their right to be named a war casualty.

D. Mystery/Open Loops: What will be the real charge against Bette and Geri?

E. Cliffhanger: Will Geri and Bette live happily ever after?

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Character Descriptions

What I learned from this assignment is that every draft of character description, intrigue, etc. changes the plot and the characters become more clear. It keeps improving but each lesson makes the Framework in need of an edit.

GERALDINE (GERI) MARTIN

Role in the show? Geraldine (Geri) Martin. An Aspiring Army Colonel in the Army who covers up a pregnancy in order not to get her booted out.

Noteworthy traits – Driven. Lacks self-awareness. Private.
Intriguing history – Mother’s mysterious death leads to military school.

Intrigue and Mystery? How did her mother die? Why does she break it off with her fiancé, Leo, when she wants nothing more than to have a family of her own?

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? Pushes herself for colonel position, not letting anything/anyone stand in her way.

Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character – Considers herself an honorable military member yet breaks rules and lies to advance her goals.

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters – She competes ruthlessly with her best friend for Colonel position of which there can only be one in the Corp. She breaks off her engagement with Leo for an unknown reason, causing his desire for revenge.

Unpredictable? She will do anything, including betrayal, lies and cover-ups to advance her goals. Her lack of self awareness makes her careless.

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters. Leo, Marge and Bette

Geri Martin discovers her mother in a pool of blood when her father, an absentee Dad and Colonel in the Army, whisks her away from the scene with no explanation. He drops her off at a girl’s military school where she feels lost and abandoned, but gradually makes two friends, Marge and Bette. Together they vow to be sisters for life, have families together and a military career, in an Army that still doesn’t allow women to join.

Geri and her BFF’s attend nurses school and become paid civilians for the Army where they serve at bases in the U.S. Finally, in 1948, women are allowed to enlist. Geri and Marge are among the 2% who get accepted. Bette follows. They vow to reach the highest rank allowed, Colonel, but only one Colonel is allowed in the new Army Corp of Nurses. So Geri must compete against her best friend, which should

be easy since Marge is no Colonel material. Stationed outside of D.C. she meets, Leo, the man of her dreams and gets engaged. Her life’s dreams for a family and career in the Army are coming true, until she gets pregnant. Having signed a contract not to, this could shatter her military dreams.

Faced with a career breaking decision she breaks her engagement with her fiancé, Leo, a secret operative for the Department of Interior who would be forced to expel her from the military if he knew the truth. Will she agree to an honorable discharge and have the family she always wanted or risk her career to cover up her pregnancy.

Character 3: Marge (Margaret) Rollins

Role: A loving friend to Geri who has one purpose, to provide for her secret son Noteworthy traits: Loving. Loyal. Responsible.
Intriguing history: Was raped in military school.
Intrigue? Willing to scheme, conspire and betray her best friend.

Mystery? Who is baby Mark?

Drive conflict: Secretly competes with Geri for the colonel position as a kinder way to accomplish her goal for Leo vs. exposing Geri for breaking army rules.

Irony: Protects her career by hiding her secret son by ruining Geri’s career by exposing Geri’s secret pregnancy.

Intriguing relationships: Geri, Leo

Margaret (Marge) Rollins still plays with her dolls as a teenager in military school. Her maternal ways cause her to take Geri under wing when she shows up, a lonely, lost little girl. She is very kind and polite and has a “no questions asked” respect for authority, yet seems outright afraid of her history teacher, Sargeant Barnes, who makes her stay after class for extra credit. Sexually abused by him every week, she learns how to keep her mouth shut.

Marge serves as a nurse with her BFF’s until Bette heads to Korea. Thanks to Sargeant Barnes written recommendation Marge gets accepted when women are allowed to enlist. Not one to associate with the rank and privilege of officers, she avoids the officer’s club, but as a new enlistee is expected to go to the officer’s club for dances. There she meets Leo, and falls for his stories of surviving injuries sustained in the Korean War. She agrees to help him with his wounds.

He swoons her with his charm and then rapes her and is persistently sexual harassed by him, becoming his secret mistress, even as he begins to date her best

friend Geri. She gets pregnant by Leo. As her commanding officer, he gives her leave, promising to keep the baby a secret if she gives it to his sister and supports it. Once a month she can see him. Meanwhile Leo gets engaged to Geri. When Geri calls off the engagement for reasons unknown, Leo, now a secret operative for the Dept. of Int. blackmails Marge to follow his scheme to ruin Geri’s career.

There are two ways to do it – Compete for the sole Colonel position against Geri, or tell what only she knows about Geri, that she got an abortion. Will she betray her best friend or claim her son, but not have a job to support him.

MAJOR LEO DEMARS

A controlling secret operative of the Dept of Interior who gets jilted by Geri has only one purpose – destroy Geri’s career to get her back.

Noteworthy traits: War Hero. Charming. Controlling.

Intriguing history: Father abandons him at birth. Not really a war hero but has self inflicted wounds.

Intrigue? Impregnates Marge and Geri. But thinks he loves Geri. Actually hates women.

Mystery? Why did Geri break off their engagement? What does he have on Marge? Drive conflict: Uses his power at DOI to blackmail Marge to destroy Geri’s career. Irony: Wants a family but abandon’s his only son.
Intriguing relationships: Geri, Marge, Bette

Major Leo Dewars joins the Army as a teenager. A natural at gaining positions of power he raises in rank to Major and in 1953 is sent overseas to Korea. There he finds Korean women to woo with his charm, then forces himself upon them. When one of their husbands finds them together, he stabs Leo with his bayonette and pulls him into the street to die.

Leo manages to get himself to a MASH hospital where he is attended to by Bette. He lies that he was hurt in combat. Bette nurses him back to health and once better he makes a pass at her. Disgusted by him she arranges to have him flown out of Korea and back to a military hospital in Virginia. There he is reassigned to the Department of Interior as a secret operative, stationed at the same base with Geri and Marge. He impregnates Marge, but manages to get her leave, if she agrees to hide their secret son at his sister’s. Like his father before him, he vows to not part with a dime for his aid. He doesn’t love Marge but falls in love with Geri and gets engaged. Until Geri calls it off, then, to get her back, he vows to get Geri kicked out of the military so they

can have the family he wants with her. Only he will need Marge for the dirty scheme.

Bette (Betty) Smith

A fun loving party girl whose sole reason for joining the Army is to find a woman and avoid the family pressure to lead a heterosexual life.

Noteworthy traits: Fun. True to self. Stands up for truth.
Intriguing history: Wealthy parents who want to hook her up with a wealthy boy and live an elite life, give up and send her to military school.

Intrigue? Will she succeed in a misogynistic, hawkish environment like the military? Mystery? Why does she constantly challenge Geri and the military?
Drive conflict: She challenges the military policy in Viet Nam.
Irony: She wants freedom of expression but joins the Army.

Intriguing relationships: Geri, Leo, Marge

Betty (Bette) Smith is born a blue blood, raised with a silver spoon in her mouth but not biting on what’s being served, an arranged marriage with the son of a wealthy east coast aristocrat. She defiantly breaks rank with her family’s tradition, a coed prep school and begs for military school instead. There she meets Marge who wants to play house and dolls with her, but she lets her know in no uncertain terms that she is not interested in being a slave to men. When Geri joins, Bette tells her to find her own way, the military way, where girls bond together to save the boys from their violent ways. Then she shows her how that’s done when she crawls into bed after hours. Geri jumps away and says she’s not like that, and it will never happen again.

Bette is the life of the party in nurses school, leading on men only to put them in her place. She gets in trouble with her wayward ways and drinks too much. Marge warns her not to get in trouble, but Bette assures her it is teasing and nothing more. Bette gets sent to Korea to be a Mash nurse where she meets Leo after he gets hurt. She sees through his narcissism and false combat story, yet helps him get transferred back to the states because he pretends to be a pacifist – something she can support.

After Korea, Bette gets sent to Viet Nam. There she uncovers the practice of sending dying soldiers to Japan, to save their lives. Yet she knows there is no life left in them to save. When the president visits, Bette overhears a conversation admitting that they are sending them out of Nam so they are not part of the body count. Bette, from that day forward, lies about their condition to keep them in Nam until they die,

sometimes even assisting. Throughout her duty in Korea and Viet Nam, Bette writes Geri where they argue and debate the “honor” of the military rules.

Then Leo informs her that the Dept. of Interior is accusing her of military crimes and she must return for she hearing. Bette is the only one who knows that Geri got pregnant by Leo, but has kept it a secret for her friend Geri. Can she kill two birds with one stone by exposing both Geri and Leo and finally have Geri for her own.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Intriguing Concept and World

What I learned doing this assignment is that writing the concept with hooks is an ongoing process.

1. Present your Concept.

A. A determined young woman, seeks the family and security that she never had, by becoming a colonel in the Army Corp of Nurses

B. …where she meets her fiancé

C. …but must weave a complicated web of deception

D. …to succeed in a world with oppressive rules that didn’t apply to the

men.

2. Tell us the World of this show.

Unique Sub-World: The secretive sub-world of the Women’s Army

Previously unexplored: where women could work but not enlist

The unknown: were not allowed to bear children

The unseen: and were forced into life threatening abortions

Unheard of Dangers: and blackmailed by the Department of Interior

Reason to explore it: in order to build the stable, honorable careers

readily available to men.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown) has completed the binge worthy framework.

What I learned from doing this lesson was how turning my prose into bullet points allows for much more creativity and new ideas for character conflict to emerge.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Creating Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is that CORP TRUTH is a fantastic title as it sums up all of the irony in the show?

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and notice where irony shows up in this show — both in this episode and throughout the episodes you’ve already seen.

Mr. Shaibel cold to Beth but really loves and admires her.
Mr. Shaibal says you’ve got your gift and you’ve got what it costs.
Mr. Shaibal says her anger makes her better. – like all women.
She never resigns yet she resigns to Borkov.
She plays by intuition but must study her opponents to win.
Twins become her friends but before were her nemesis.
If she is world champion she will not have anything left the rest of her life.

1. Look back through your previous assignments and find at least 20 different situations or character components that you could go opposite to create irony.

1. Marge’s competition with her friend, Geri for Colonel position in nurses corp is because she wants to go to the top

Marge is not competitive with Geri.

Marge is blackmailed to compete with Geri.

Marge is an operative for the Dept of Interior

Marge wants Geri to be Colonel so she can protect her secret.

Marge secretly wants to fail at taking down Geri.

Marge know’s Geri’s secret and is secretly protecting her.

2. Bette’s wealth makes her risk averse and defiant (nothing to lose)

Bette doesn’t want to lose Geri

Bette is not wealthy and she has everything to lose

Bette acts wealthy to cover up her insecurity

Bette is terrified of being found out

Bette lost everything but still acts rich as a mask

3. Geri believes that loyalty and obedience will bring her what she wants – power over her life

Geri’s loyalty to her father brings her dishonor and disempowerment

Geri covers up her rule breaking way causing her to be publicly humiliated

Geri’s loyalty to the army takes away what she needs – family and the love of her life.

The military makes Geri powerless over her own life

4. Geri’s trigger – not being believed

Geri cover’s up her triggered reactions with alcohol
Geri believes her own lies and convinces others
Geri does the opposite of what she believes to avoid the trigger

Geri makes excuses for others so as to soft peddle the lies

5. Geri’s negative treatment – misogyny

Geri interprets the misogyny to be for her own good

Geri accepts the misogyny of the military as necessary to keep

women in place

Geri thinks men’s comments are great because they

understand a woman’s weakness

6. Geri’s want – power

Geri lies and loses her own power
Geri doesn’t get love or family which is what she really needs and feels powerless to get what she wants

Geri sacrifices her own power for military rank

The military sets up an undercover campaign to defrock Geri from the power she has because she

7. Title – Corp Truth vs. Core Truth

The Corp truth is that women in the army can not have children. Geri’s core truth is that she wants children

The Corp truth is that lesbians can not serve in the military. Geri and Bette’s core truth is that they are.

The Corp truth is that there can be only one colonel in the Corp. The core truth is that two are deserving.

The Corp truth is that woman can’t serve in the army, the Core truth is that they are doing that and more as paid civilians.

The Corp truth is that the nurses are flying men out of Nam to save their lives in Japenese hospitals. The core truth is that they know they are dying and don’t want them to be in the body count (the didn’t die in nam) They don’t get on the wall.

8. Geri and Joe – Joins military to gain power and respect –

Instead gains his misogynistic treatment.

Gains loss of power

Gains covert schemes to take them down

9. Geri and Joe – same goal to follow the rules – but totally different sets of rules.

Joe – encouraged to get married and have children

Geri must sign a document agreeing not to have children

Joe – in the army the day he joins

Geri must work as a paid civilian until

Joe – can get to the top without competition

Geri must fight another woman as only one can get to the top

Joe – Is looked up to by peers for being in the army

Geri – is treated like shit by her male peers.

10. Situations – military tribunal – Forced decisions – to lie or tell the truth

1. Obedience leads to honor and getting ahead 2. Truth leads to discharge

11. Situations – dancing with men

Must go to dances with men who rape her but can’t have children.

Must deny her own truth

12. Crushed goals – Geri makes love with a man who loves her and offers her an engagement ring

Geri must sign an agreement to not get pregnant 2. The man doesn’t want a child

The man is setting up Geri

Geri hates men but doesn’t understand why?

Geri is a lesbian

The man gets engaged with Geri to set her up for a crime
The man is in love with Marge
The man rapes Geri
The man is married to another woman
Geri is crushed when she finds out she can not have children

13. Dangerous situation – The army is flying people out of Nam to save their lives. Bette is a heroic nurse

The army is flying the dying out to cover-up the body count

The army threatens Bette to not interfere

Bette is pulled from Nam for disobedience

14. Mark – Mark meets Geri and Bette on the mountain and is such a friendly and helpful man for a stranger

He’s filled with hate and knows the women

He hates women

He rapes Donna

He shoots a bullet through their cabin

He stalks Donna

He dates Donna in order to rape her

15. Tribunal – Geri is being questioned for a crime that involves Marge wanting a family

Goes opposite – it’s a crime about Geri.

Underneath it – is it about Marge’s pregnancy

Is it about abortion

Is it about being with a woman.

The crime is about Geri getting pregnant?

16. Mother’s death flashback –an accident to save her child daughter –

A murder suicide – the daughter survives

A murder by her husband to take her daughter away

Her daughter accidently kills her

Dies during abortion

Suicides intentionally to leave her family

She tries to murder her daughter to save herself

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Plot and Character Layers

What I learned about doing this assignment is how to weave the web of deception via plot and character layers.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – QUEEN’S GAMBIT PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.

Surface – Shocking Event. 9 year old Beth’s mother crashes the car and dies in a car accident?

Layer One – Beth lives, but was put into an orphanage where she was given pills to control her.

Layer Two – Deception – she secretly befriends a begrudging janitor

Layer Three – New relationship – he recognizes her amazing talent for chess but won’t show her that he sees it

Layer Four – Triggers – not recognized by him for her needs she becomes defiant and obsessed.

Layer Two – Coping Mechanism – She obsessively studies chess and discovers that the pills she is given by the orphanage allow her to visualize a chess board on her ceiling at night.

Layer Three – Deception: Obsessed to master chess she sneaks the pills and takes them at night to practice chess.

Layer Four –But the janitor does see her talent and helps her become discovered by the school chess team.

Layer Five – Where she discovers she is playing in a world dominated by men.

Layer Six – Beth, determined to win at chess uses it to support her mother Alma and her.

Layer Eight – Coping mechanism – but drugs and alcohol cause Beth to lose to her most sought after rival and dive deeper into addiction.

CHARACTER LAYERS – QUEEN’S GAMBIT
Base Layer – Beth’s mother committed suicide and could’ve killed Beth.

Layer One – Character Intrigue – Beth, in spite of deep abandonment wound wears a mask showing no emotion.

Layer Two – Beth’s defiance to survive the orphanage leads her to a relationship with the janitor that neither he nor the orphanage would approve.

Layer 3 – Character Intrigue – in spite of discouragement, Beth is determined to excel at chess, defiantly disobeying everyone who tells her it is for the best that she not play as she is not a man.

Layer 4. – Character intrigue – which makes her determined to master it.

Layer 5 – Deceptive – she befriends Jolene who is even more defiant than Beth and learns that the pills she is given give her secret talent in chess.

Layer 6 – She steals pills and hides the under her tongue so she can practice chess at night in her bed when she is supposed to be sleeping.

Layer 7 – her determination to survive gets juxtaposed on an obsession with chess.

Layer 8 – Underneath it all she believes she can only win with the aid of the pill giving her power over to the pills.

Layer 9 – She must try to win and master chess at the same time cover up her secret- she is an addict.

CHARACTER LAYERS – CORP TRUTH – identity beneath the identity.

Layer 1. Secret identity – Jo is Gay.

Layer 2. Character Intrigue – Jo, impeccably honest, lies to get ahead in the military (what she wants), even to herself in denying Bette’s love (what she needs).

Layer 3. Hidden relationships and conspiracies – Jo & Bette were lovers in military school. There is a conspiracy to keep it quiet and Marge conspires to expose her.

Layer 4. Hidden Character history- Marge is blackmailed to take down Jo Layer 5 – to cover up that she had a child by Jo’s Dad.
Layer 6 – Which is the reason Jo’s mom committed suicide

Layer 7 – Hidden History – which is the reason Jo is obsessed with becoming a mother and wife

Layer 8 – Something her dad did not have in her mother

ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show- CORP TRUTH PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.

Layer One – Major scheme revealed – Marge’s desire to take down Jo is revealed at the tribunal..

Layer Two – Mystery revealed – Why Marge wants to take down Jo.

Layer 3. Thought it was about competition for being the colonel in the corp but it is about covering up her own secrets.

Layer 4. Major shift in Meaning – Marge’s secret is that she has a son who is hidden from everyone.

Layer 5. Hidden history – The father of her son is Daryl who broke off his relationship with Jo because she lied about wanting to have children. He felt betrayed.

Layer 6. Hidden plan – Daryl blackmails Marge to take down Jo. Layer 7. Major betrayal – Marge betrays Jo via scheme win colonel.

CHARACTER LAYERS – CORP TRUTH – identity beneath the identity.

Layer 1. Secret identity – Jo is Gay.

Layer 2. Character Intrigue – Jo, impeccably honest, lies to get ahead in the military (what she wants), even to herself in denying Bette’s love (what she needs).

Layer 3. Hidden relationships and conspiracies – Jo & Bette were lovers in military school. There is a conspiracy to keep it quiet and Marge conspires to expose her.

Layer 4. Hidden Character history- Marge is blackmailed to take down Jo Layer 5 – to cover up that she had a child by Jo’s Dad.
Layer 6 – Which is the reason Jo’s mom committed suicide

Layer 7 – Hidden History – which is the reason Jo is obsessed with becoming a mother and wife

Layer 8 – Something her dad did not have in her mother

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned doing this assignment is that in keeping secrets and mystery via big picture open loops, the plot thickens. This assignment more than any so far, made my characters so much more intriguing.

ASSIGNMENT 1

1. Think about QUEEN’S GAMBIT. Make a list of the Big Picture open loops that were established early in the season.

Why did Beth’s mother commit suicide?

Will Beth survive her addiction to drugs?

Why did Beth’s adoptive father leave her adoptive mother?

Will Beth succeed at winning the National championship in chess?

ASSIGNMENT 2. CORP TRUTH

GOALS

New goals? Could move up the hierarchy of goals from getting a job in the army, to getting into the army by the army having a corp. To becoming lieutenant, major and eventually Colonel, all new goals. To get married and have children. To not get caught for something? To have a life of her own?

Goals related to the big picture? To live a life of honor, to cover up what she eventually learns is a lie about herself.

Crushed goals? Losing her mother. Losing her father. Having to sign away her right to have children. Losing her fiancé. Losing her vow to never lie.

Competition / conflict around goals? Marge is competition to her rise to colonel. Bette is in conflict with Jo’s secret. Marge’s son is in conflict with her property lines at the cabin. Her fiancé is in conflict with her desire to be unconditionally loved. Her father is in conflict with her desire for the truth.

CONSEQUENCES:

Are they going to be caught? We are constantly aware that Jo, Marge, Bette, Marge’s son are covering up their motives and in many ways want them to get caught in order to know what is going on, but on the other hand, not wanting them to be caught because what is happening to them seems unfair and we like them.

Problems created from past actions? Marge has these problems, and eventually so does Jo because she lied to cover up something which is the big picture mystery.

Good plans gone wrong? Maybe Joe gets an abortion after her fiancé gets her pregnant, after she is presented with the contract she must sign, causing her to lose her fiancé. (will need to get the exact contract to see what they agreed to) Marge must live in constant fear of losing her job because she has a son. He becomes obsessed with having a part time mother and chases all part timers off the mountain. Jo’s trusting of Marge and Marge’s son almost gets her niece Donna raped.

SOLVING PROBLEMS:

What is the major problem for this character? Having lied about something unknown about her that threatens her military career.

What are they trying to solve? How to have a life and be a woman in the military.

Major change imposed on character? Mother’s suicide leading to her going to military school. Hearing in front of Dept. of Int. Suddenly realizing by meeting Bette that she loves a woman.

Previous solutions cause new problems? Going in the military to please her father, causes all kinds of problems relating to having

her own family someday. Becoming colonel causes a major rival to plot for her downfall.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Relationships in peril? Jo & her fiancé. Marge and Jo’s friendship? Bette and Jo’s love interest. Father and daughter estrangement after mother died. Marge and her son.

New relationships forming? Bette and Jo. Jo and Donna, her niece. Marge’s son and Donna.

Conflict inside relationships? Bette and Jo over following the rules. Marge’s plotting to undo Jo, supposedly her friend. Jo and her fiancé over having children.

Relationships changing? Marge and Jo from friends to enemies. Marge and her son from family to estranged. Jo and her father from family to authority figure. Jo and her mother because her mother kills herself. Or maybe dies during an abortion. Or maybe the father kills the mother.

DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:

Can they survive X? Can they survive the secrets?

Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions? For

them living their lives as normal women would, in the army is dangerous. i.e. having children. Falling in love. Surviving rape. Going into Viet Nam as a mash nurse.

Who else is pulled into their danger? Marge’s son. Bette into Jo’s.

Internal dangers – Maybe Bette is an addict who is stealing meds.

Maybe the mother must end her pregnancy. Inner demons – homosexuality.

2. 8 Big Picture Open Loops that could be in your pilot.

What caused Jo’s mother’s death?

What is causing Jo to obsess on belonging to a military that

doesn’t even allow women to join?

Why was Jo being questioned in a Washington D.C. court?

What does Bette want from Jo?

Why is Marge secretly plotting against Jo?

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Show Mysteries

What I learned from doing this assignment is that categorizing these two mysteries in this way really determines how the show MUST be written. If there is a secret not to be revealed until the end, then it must be covered up from the audience.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

The mysteries from Queen’s Gambit Episode Four are:

In the first episode, QB loses her mother, goes into an orphanage and befriends a chess player, them gets adopted. In the second episode, she bonds with her mother and starts competing with men who would just as soon keep her out.

A. Shocking Event: IN first episode she wakes up late, apparently hung-over, drinks booze and takes pills and goes into a tournament with a Russian chess master in a very important tournament.

B. Secret: Whom is the girl playing chess? Who is the woman in bed that she looks at while she secretly takes the pills?

C. Investigation: The audience has been set up to search for who she is.

WHAT: Beth wants to master chess as a way out of her dire situation.

WHEN: For the last 10 years.

WHERE: In a world controlled by others – controlling women and misogynist

men.

Missing before final episodes:

WHY: She was so driven to win.

WHO: will she become in the journey to win?

HOW: How will she overcome her addiction to stay the course?

Ultimate Reveal: Her mom committed suicide and tried to kill her.
Ultimate Reveal 2: We discover that not only did she take her own life but wanted

to take her child’s.

MYSTERY 2: QUEEN’S GAMBIT

Beth, who seems to be driven to play chess really what?

A. Cover up: Beth is presented as an addict, but not as a victim. She breaks into the pill jar, steals from her mom. It enables her to visualize the chess moves.

B. Secret: She has a gift none of the other of them has.

C. Reveals: It starts with hiding it under her tongue, then stealing from the jar, then stealing from her mom, then drinking.

WHO: The mom crashed the car.

WHAT: the

WHEN: In her childhood.

WHERE: In some small town off the road.

Missing:

WHY: We don’t know why?

HOW: How does Chess provide the meaning of life? Chess turns out to be a

metaphor for Beth being worthwhile. It represents the missing piece that people are searching for in their lives. It requires a journey inward. It causes the search for meaning.

ASSIGNMENT 2:

Create two mysteries for your show — one that shows up strong in the Pilot and the other that is revealed over time.

1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

A. Shocking Event: A woman in uniform is being interrogated about an illicit affair.

B. Secret: Who is the woman and what is the affair?

C. Investigation:

Who – a woman in her mid thirty’s in military uniform

What – some kind of court proceeding where she is being questioned

Where – Washington DC

Why – Part withheld

When – 1960’s

How – Justice system

Part Withheld: Why was she in court? What did she do?

2. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld. Who is the woman and what is the affair?

A. Cover up: Jo and Bette are lovers. Covered up even to the audience until the end.

B. Secret: Jo is gay, a secret even to herself.

C. Reveals:

Who – is Jo? Who is out to get Bette and why? What is the secret of the

antagonist and why is that motivating her to undo Bette? Who is doing Jo in?

What – What is this really all about?

Where – In the army and army rules. Reveal – life in the army and why

things were a secret. Reveal all the secrets of the other characters slowly and

why where they were (the army) drove them to lie and cover-up.

Why – Why was Jo determined to go to the top in an army that didn’t even

allow the women to join? Reveal – her father. Her really wanting to not have

the responsibility of a family and husband.

When – 1960’s – 2000

How: By playing by the rules.

Part Withheld: Who Jo really is. Unbeknownst to even herself.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Show Empathy/Distress

What I learned from doing this assignment was how Jo’s dilemma, and moral decisions are perfect for gaining empathy and for creating situations of distress

A. Undeserved misfortune. – For Jo, Bette and Marge – women shouldn’t have to give up having the family of your choice to serve the country – including, and especially, children. For Jo – shouldn’t lose your job over a rumor. Shouldn’t have to lose your mother to suicide. Shouldn’t have to defend your home and family because of your choices. For Bette – shouldn’t have to lie to protect your lover.

B. External Character conflicts. – Shouldn’t have a friend betray you behind your back. Bette causes stress for Jo by being too honest. Jo causes unintentional stress for Marge by being ambitious (for her it wasn’t about competition) Marge causes intentional stress for Jo, outing her to the DOI. Father causes unintentional stress for Jo by not encouraging in her the one thing they have in common.

C. Plot intruding on life. Army rules, can’t be in the army, can’t have a family when in the army, can’t be with Bette if in the Army. Rules and following rule situations not in her plan. Also being gay was not in her plan until she met Bette, and she would prefer denial.

D. Moral dilemmas. Painful choice is whether to risk career and have a covert relationship with Bette. Say no and lose Bette. Say yes and lose her career.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make. Jo would NEVER want to have to make a decision t to lie. Being questioned by the DOI about Bette would make her do that.

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown’s) Show Relationship Map

What I learned from this assignment is seeing patterns with the main character that get carried over into her other relationships makes her consistent.

QUEEN’S GAMBIT

BETH – MOM

Surface- Mother daughter relationship

Common Ground – They both have experienced abandonment and the insecurity that comes with that

Conflict – They fight about how to spend money in the beginning and what is appropriate for girls to hope for and Beth’s interest or lack thereof in men.

History – Both addicts. Mom protects Beth from the press. Beth takes care of Mom financially and enables her . Mom also enables Beth’s with her pills (secret) and condones her drinking.

Subtext – They both cope with life with drugs and alcohol but hide it from each other. Beth steals mom’s pills. She is protective of Beth and covers for her.

Relationship Arc – From strangers to partners, they merge into being a team for Beth’s success.

BETH – MR. SHAIBEL

Surface – Janitor and resident

Common Ground – They are both lonely at the orphanage and interested in mastering chess

Conflict – They argue about whether girls should play chess and if he should be a mentor. What’s appropriate and when to quit.

History They bond over chess and he agrees to mentor her and show her the way. One of only person Beth trusts.

Subtext – Neither let on that there is any love between them. He toughens Beth up with his withholding and she challenges him constantly to help her.

Relationship Arc – From strangers to gaining mutual respect and he becomes her secret (from the orphanage) mentor.

BETH – JOLENE

Surface – Friends

Common Ground – They are both Fellow orphans at the orphanage hoping to be adopted

Conflict – Jolene told Beth not to like the pills too much. Black girl vs. white girl. Both older but white girl gets adopted not Jolene

History – Jolene befriended Beth when she was firs there and turned her on to the way to cope. Pills and how to deceive them by putting under her tongue.

Subtext – They both cope with the orphanage by abusing drugs and acting like they don’t need love or parents

Relationship Arc – From strangers to “partners in crime” and forever friends.

CORP TRUTH
JOANNE – BETTE
Surface – Colleague – Fellow nurses in the Army Corp

Common Ground – They are both young nurses in the Army Nurses Corp and are not happy with their dating experience

Conflict – Big conflict is whether or not to follow their love or the Army’s rules. There is more to life than succeeding at a career according to Beth.

History – They are equals that get to know each other at the dances and commiserate about how they are treated by men

Subtext – Unexpressed love. Secrets they must keep together.

Relationship Arc – From friends to lovers. From keeping secrets to sharing secrets

JOANNE – MARGE

Surface – Professional army colleagues

Common Ground – They are both young nurses in the Army Nurses who are driven to rise to the top of the ranks.

Conflict – Competition for being the sole colonel in the nurses corp as there can be only one.

History – They are equals who have competed throughout their career toward the same goal

Subtext – Hidden competition and secret scheme to take down Joanne with blackmail and betrayal

Relationship Arc – From trusted friends to a massive betrayal and eventual reckoning with Marge’s nephew

JOANNE – JOSEPH
Surface – Father daughter relationship. Respectful but cold.

Common Ground – They both rise to colonels in their careers and see that as the highest honor.

Conflict – They have the same goal but a totally different set of rules to meet their goals. One man, one a woman at different times in history. He’s not supportive of women entering the Army, and she thinks it’s the only way to gain his respect.

History – They are father/daughter, both abandoned by the wife/mother who committed suicide.

Subtext – Both have great shame and abandonment issues which they cover up by seeking societal approval by climbing the ranks in the army.

Relationship Arc – From loving to estranged to understanding each other

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Character Emotions

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have always thought about character’s emotions as traits vs. coping mechanisms, triggers, hopes and fears, etc. In other words characters have these general traits but they don’t come from anywhere. Very insightful lesson.

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and create an Emotional Profile for two or three main characters in this show.

Beth

A. Situational: Hope / Fear Hope: Beat Russian Chess Champion / Be a victim

B. Motivation: Want / Need – To be the greatest chess player in the world/ to be

loved

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask – Revenge for the act of her

mother / Total composure and confidence

D. Weaknesses – alcohol and pills, self destructive behaviors

E. Triggers – being left out, being underestimated

F. Coping Mechanism – seclusion, loner, perfection

Character: Mom

A. Situational: Hope / Fear – happy marriage and family / being alone

B. Motivation: Want / Need – wants love/ needs security

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask – self loathing / happy

D. Weaknesses: addiction, co-dependency, self pity

E. Triggers – silence, rejection

F. Coping Mechanism – pills, alcohol, social propriety

ASSIGNMENT 2: My Show

Character: Joanne (Joe)

A. Situational: Hope / Fear – Succeed / being rejected

B. Motivation: Want / Need – Power / Acceptance

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask – Fear / Got it all together

D. Weaknesses – naieve, doesn’t know thyself, people pleaser

E. Triggers – someone angry at her, accusations

F. Coping Mechanism – Cover up, distract, deny, go to church

Character: Bette

A. Situational: Hope / Fear – find a female lover / rejection

B. Motivation: Want / Need – attention / love

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask – jealousy / perfect in all ways

D. Weaknesses – sex, money, over indulgence

E. Triggers – rejection, being ignored

F. Coping Mechanism – pretend it didn’t happen, cry, spend money

Character: Marge

A. Situational: Hope / Fear – become a colonel / being found out

B. Motivation: Want / Need – power / needs men

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion / Public Mask – ambition / goody two shoes

D. Weaknesses – drinking, men,

E. Triggers – accusations, Negative treatment – misogyny

F. Coping Mechanism – scheming. Lie, blackmail

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned from doing this assignment was that I am definitely inclined to NOT see how these interest techniques create far more intrigue than the simple vice or virtues of each character.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character

Intrigue

in the previous episodes.

Character Name: Beth

Role: Primary Character

Hidden agendas: Become a chess master

Competition: Everyone except for Lorene and her mother.

Conspiracies: her whole life is a conspiracy on the chess board to win.

Secrets: She’s an addict. And chess is one big secret itself.

Deception: Hides her addiction and is deceptive to feed it

Wound: Her mother tried to kill her

Secret Identity:

Character Name: Mom

Role: The protaganist’s cheerleader

Hidden agendas: Bring in the money.

Competition: Competitive?

Conspiracies: ?

Secrets: She’s an addict.

Deception: Maintaining her addictions

Wound: Her husband abandons her.

Secret Identity: ?

2. Watch the next episode and see how Character Intrigue is being used to create the need to see more episodes.

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2

1. For your Inner Circle characters, fill in any of the Intrigue items that apply.

Character Name: Joanne or Joe

Role: Lead character

Hidden agendas: Prove herself to dad by rising to the top ranks in the Army at at

time that women weren’t even allowed in.

Competition: Fellow army nurse, Marge, her Father Joseph

Conspiracies: Keep Marge from becoming a colonel.

Secrets: She’s gay and in love with Bette

Deception: She is breaking the rules by having a romantic relationship with Bette

Wound: Her mother died and her father had no time for her as a career army man.

Secret Identity: ?

Character Name: Bette

Role: Love interest of Joanne

Hidden agendas: To get into Joanne’s heart

Competition: Men, Joanne’s denial of her sexuality, the Army rules

Conspiracies: To get a kiss from Joanne without her knowing it Is coming.

Secrets: She’s gay and in love with Joanne. She has a son.

Deception: She signs an agreement not to have children, then she does and must

keep it a secret.-

Wound: born wealthy she could have anything she wanted but love.

Secret Identity: ?

Character Name: Marge

Role: T o challenge/threaten Joanne

Hidden agendas: To unseat Joanne as a colonel so she can take that position in the

Nurses Corp

Competition: Joanne, and Bette to some degree, since she is on to Marge’s ways

Conspiracies: She conspires to get Joanne thrown out of the army for being gay

Secrets: She has a son which, if known, would oust her from the Corp.

Deception: Hides her son. Hides her relationship with his father. Lies about Joanne

to sink her position at all cost.

Wound: Abandoned by her mother due to death and seemingly unloved by her

father

Secret Identity: Spy for the Department of Interior

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned from doing this assignment was that I am definitely inclined to NOT see how these interest techniques create far more intrigue than the simple vice or virtues of each character.

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character

Intrigue

in the previous episodes.

Character Name: Beth

Role: Primary Character

Hidden agendas: Become a chess master

Competition: Everyone except for Lorene and her mother.

Conspiracies: her whole life is a conspiracy on the chess board to win.

Secrets: She’s an addict. And chess is one big secret itself.

Deception: Hides her addiction and is deceptive to feed it

Wound: Her mother tried to kill her

Secret Identity:

Character Name: Mom

Role: The protaganist’s cheerleader

Hidden agendas: Bring in the money.

Competition: Competitive?

Conspiracies: ?

Secrets: She’s an addict.

Deception: Maintaining her addictions

Wound: Her husband abandons her.

Secret Identity: ?

2. Watch the next episode and see how Character Intrigue is being used to create the need to see more episodes.

Deadline: 24 hours

ASSIGNMENT 2

1. For your Inner Circle characters, fill in any of the Intrigue items that apply.

Character Name: Joanne or Joe

Role: Lead character

Hidden agendas: Prove herself to dad by rising to the top ranks in the Army at at

time that women weren’t even allowed in.

Competition: Fellow army nurse, Marge, her Father Joseph

Conspiracies: Keep Marge from becoming a colonel.

Secrets: She’s gay and in love with Bette

Deception: She is breaking the rules by having a romantic relationship with Bette

Wound: Her mother died and her father had no time for her as a career army man.

Secret Identity: ?

Character Name: Bette

Role: Love interest of Joanne

Hidden agendas: To get into Joanne’s heart

Competition: Men, Joanne’s denial of her sexuality, the Army rules

Conspiracies: To get a kiss from Joanne without her knowing it Is coming.

Secrets: She’s gay and in love with Joanne. She has a son.

Deception: She signs an agreement not to have children, then she does and must

keep it a secret.-

Wound: born wealthy she could have anything she wanted but love.

Secret Identity: ?

Character Name: Marge

Role: T o challenge/threaten Joanne

Hidden agendas: To unseat Joanne as a colonel so she can take that position in the

Nurses Corp

Competition: Joanne, and Bette to some degree, since she is on to Marge’s ways

Conspiracies: She conspires to get Joanne thrown out of the army for being gay

Secrets: She has a son which, if known, would oust her from the Corp.

Deception: Hides her son. Hides her relationship with his father. Lies about Joanne

to sink her position at all cost.

Wound: Abandoned by her mother due to death and seemingly unloved by her

father

Secret Identity: Spy for the Department of Interior

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Five Star Analysis

What I learned from this lesson is that answering these questions about a relatively unlikable character shows how the hooks and intrigue are as, if not more, important than the character in the pilot.

THE YOUNG POPE

Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show? What will be revealed to him that will be his destiny?

Amazing and Intriguing Character
Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting? Can’t figure out if he’s good or evil. Joking or serious. He is not the picture of what we think of as a pope. He seems sinister with his joking vs not joking dialogue.

Empathy / Distress
Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character? His childhood was apparently very bad and there is something about it he can’t put behind him according to Sr. Mary who is, we think, secretly his mother.

Layers / Open Loops
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season? What will be revealed to him that will be his destiny? What is his relationship with Sr. Mary? Why is Cardinal Voiello already trying to come up with the dirt on him? What is the problem he is anticipating?

Inviting Obsession
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode? Every interaction he had made me wonder about him. Who is this guy? He treated people poorly and contrary to what you would expect the pope to be and behave like. How did he get elected anyway?

Main Characters – Sr. Mary, Cardinal Voiello, Cardinal Gutierrez, Thomaso

[Laurie Brown]

Laurie Brown

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Laurie Brown.

[Laurie Brown]

(Laurie Brown’s) Engaging Main Characters

What I learned from doing this assignment is how the characters provide challenge and conflict for the other main characters which gives them a role and purpose in the show, beyond entertainment value

Assignment 1 THE YOUNG POPE

Lenny Belario – is the new Pope, the youngest ever and the first from America.
His role in the show is lead character who we will see the journey through his eyes.

His unique purpose is to lead the Catholic Church – one billion people on their journey with God.

What is the secret beneath the surface. Who is his Sr. Mary and what is the story of his childhood and why she raised him.

Moral issue – How can he lead the Catholic Church if he doesn’t believe in God? Or was he joking?

Unpredictable – This guy is impossible to predict. He doesn’t mean what he says.
He won’t address the cardinals so they can’t leave the Vatican. He seems to refuse to state publicly his plans or intentions. He doesn’t follow any of the rules or abide by the ways things are typically done at the Vatican.

Empathetic – His apparent love and respect for the woman who raised him makes me empathetic to him, especially considering he is an underdog in a doggy dog world of the Papacy.

Assignment 2
What makes a lead characters engaging on multiple levels?

A. Role in the show:

Johnny is obedient, by the book, ambitious and we see the character

through her eyes on her journey to reach the highest rank in the military in 1953. She grew up poor and her dream was to go into the military like her Daddy.

Bette is cheeky, a risk taker and knows who she is and is not about to

be pushed around. Not as ambitious as Johnny because she wants a life! Plus she is independently wealthy so has less at stake. Having grown up rich, she’s not afraid to pull a few punches. Her role in the show is to challenge Johnny to fall in love and take risks.

c. Marge is ambitious, a climber, maybe a sociopath who needs to take Johnny down to succeed. She is the antagonist who uses the unique rules of the women’s army to do her dirty work.

d. Mark is Marge’s secret, her illegitimate son, and also the younger version of his mother, who takes her ruthless behaviour to an extreme – hate.

Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Johnny’s unique purpose is to succeed at becoming the first colonel in

the first women’s nursing corp. Her hard work, obedience, and common sense has allowed her to succeed at her chosen path, overcoming all odds.

Bette is totally different. Bette got in the military as a way to get out of marriage. Her unique purpose is to fall in love by finding the woman of her dreams. She has more of an independent spirit and says out loud things that Johnny doesn’t even dare to think.

Marge’s unique purpose is to be Johnny’s antagonist and cause the worst thing imaginable to happen to Johnny, her love for Bette exposed.

Mark’s unique purpose is to finally break Johnny of her naïve ways and push her over the edge of her secretive life to finally defend herself and her lifestyle.

Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?

a. Johnny, Bette and Marge are all closet lesbians, keeping the secret

from the military, only Johnny, not very self aware, doesn’t know it yet, and doesn’t want to jeopardize her career, even if she figures it out that she is. Until she meets Bette. This secret and the journey to keep it from the Military, and Marge’s goal to out Johnny and Bette leads to lies, cliffhangers, and danger, for Johnny. Lots of lies, misleads and sabotage between Margie and Johnny. Marge is outright deceptive, uses underhanded strategies, schemes and techniques to get what she wants.

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Johnny’s moral boundary crossed is number one, sleeping with a woman, and number two

becoming a liar. She loses her moral compass in order to have love and naively thinks it is OK if she can keep it a secret. She justifies it like she is not doing anything wrong if no one knows. Bette’s crosses her moral boundary when she coerces Johnny into a sexual relationship because that’s what she selfishly wants, leading them to get caught, by Marge. Marge crosses her moral boundary when she rats on Johnny for her own selfish gains. And Marc crosses his moral boundary when he sets out to kill Johnny and her lesbian friends at the cabin.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Bette’s repressed sexual urges lead her and Johnny to do the unthinkable. They will always be at risk from that day forward, and what will they do to continue their affair, and keep it covered up. Johnny will do anything to keep her position as leader of the corp. Marge will do anything to unearth Johnny and catch her in the act that will lose her her job. Bette, having been raised wealthy, will constantly surprise, taking risks in a military not friendly for women. What caused Johnny to go before the tribunal in the opening scene will be a loop that will always lead the audience to look for the unpredictable.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care? We really like Johnny – she’s just a good egg and she doesn’t deserve to get sabotaged. We love it that she is breaking the glass ceiling in the military. We want Johnny to get what she wants, including the love of her life and we want Bette to, also. Bette’s personality make her a fun person to root for because she’s a leader, but still the underdog. The army is setting up the impossible obstacles for their happy life. We are afraid and shocked by the injustice of the Army and Johnny needing to go in front of the tribunal. Margie, as a character, represents the hypocrisy of the army and the outright injustice that can be accomplished under these repressive rules. But we like her, too, because she’s got a secret son, and we admire that in her and feel sorry that this could get her ousted from the military. These many unfair situation really keeps the audience hooked.

[Laurie Brown]

Assignment 1

What I learned doing this assignment is How all of the main characters appear to be introduced in the first episode.

The Young Pope

Big PIcture Hooks – how does Lenny Belardo, a young Pope, and the first from America lead the church in a Vatican replete with old, Italian men. A pope who doesn’t believe in GOD??? Who is this man?

Amazing and Intriguing Character – This Pope is almost the antithesis of what we would think – He is not pious or repenting. He does not follow the rules or ways things are typically done. He doesn’t trust anyone except the woman who raised him (is she really his mother) Sr. Mary. He does not state his real feelings or wishes – i.e. “It was just a joke”

Empathy and Distress – His childhood was apparently terrible, but his love for Sr. Mary, a nun and woman, shows that he is grateful and appreciative to her. He’s an underdog, being so young and the first American so he has a battle to face, to modernize the Papacy (or was that a joke).

What questions are created that make we want to watch the entire season? Who is his mother? What secrets will Voiello uncover about him? What happened to him in his childhood? Will he address the Cardinals and the people and what will he say? What does he want to accomplish as Pope? What is his destiny?

Inviting obsession – Who is this guy, anyway? Why/how did he get elected? What does he really think?

Assignment 2

(Laurie Brown’s) Three Circles of Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is that this really helped me to elevate the plot and concept.

Main Character Circle: Colonel Johnny Smith (lead), Lt. Bette Dayton, Major Marge Haley and Mark Haley (Marge’s son)

Connected Circle; Bill Haley (Marge’s husband) Nancy (J’s BFF), Gen. Lange (J’s boss), Donna (Bette’s niece), Retired General Smith (J’s father), Norm and Jane (friends), Billy and Barb (friends)

Environment Character Circle: Male and Female Army Officers, soldiers, Mash nurses, Sheriff at cabin, Church members.

Col. Joanne (Johnny) Smith is a patriotic and ambitious young woman who chooses the Army as her life, living in the shadow of her beloved father who with the help of his mother raised her, raises to the highest rank, Colonel, and through hard work and integrity becomes head of the Army Nurses Corp.

Lt. Bette Dayton, Johnny’s secret admirer and mash nurse, enlightens Johnny to her own sexuality and influences Johnny to risk everything to be in relationship with her, the the love of her life.

Major Marge Haley, an ambitious, deceptive military climber who is out to get Johnny who rejected her overtures and beat her out of her only chance to be Colonel, and will go to any length to bring Johnny down, including lies and blackmail.

Mark Haley, Major Haley’s eighteen year old secret son, whose very existence could get her kicked out of the military and holds that over her head.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Laurie Brown.