[LD]

Elevator pitch

I’m working on a romantic comedy called When East Meets West. Two celebrated artists, a musician and a poet, mistakenly believe the other plans to defect to the other’s country only to trigger international misreads and a showdown between their governments.

Live Pitch

I’m L.D. Janakos and I’m an award-winning fiction writer with a couple of minor screenplay awards. Today, I have a Rom-Com called When East Meets West. (Light pause) It’s a screwball romance in which a celebrated Russian cellist on tour and America’s celebrated free-spirited poet daftly believe the other plans to defect to make a bold political statement. Their zany misreads ignite a whirlwind romance and trigger meddling spies and governments, escalating misreads into a comedic international showdown.

Phone Pitch

Hi, I’m L.D. Janakos, an award-winning fiction writer. Would you mind if I ran a quick concept by you for a romantic comedy I’m working on? Imagine: A screwball romance in which a celebrated Russian cellist on tour and America’s free-spirited poet each daftly believe the other is defecting to make a bold political statement, and their zany misreads not only ignite a whirlwind romance but trigger meddling spies and governments, escalating misreads into a comedic international showdown.

Query Letter

Subject Line: Query: When East Meets West (Rom-Com) Title: When East Meets West Genre: romantic comedy Is it love, defection, or something else?

Natasha, a disciplined and beloved Russian cellist, is on tour with an international orchestra promoting Global Unity. While browsing a combo music/bookstore, she unintentionally disrupts Ross’s standing-room-only poetry reading. Taken with each other, they misread the signs. Listening to Ross’s poem critical of America’s greed and power, Natasha sees Ross as a kindred spirit destined for Russia. At the same time, Ross mistakenly believes Natasha plans to defect after spotting a book on defection in her hands—unaware she’s holding it for a stranger. Before she rushes off to rehearsal, he gives her his poetry book and a postcard with an invitation to an underground art happening at Arthouse.

Word travels fast, and their zany misreads ignite a whirlwind romance and trigger meddling spies, family members, and governments, escalating into a comedic international showdown, with each country convinced that the other is trying to get the other to defect to make a bold political statement and embarrass their enemy.

As their romance deepens, so does the political chaos: Spies plot, families interfere, and both Natasha and Ross face growing pressure to act on their mistaken beliefs. In a daring finale, they flee to Cosmic Destiny, a mythical neutral zone that offers sanctuary to those seeking freedom from their countries. There, they face a life-altering decision: return to their old lives, or risk everything for a love that could defy borders—and spark chaos back home.

I’d be thrilled to send you the full script for When East Meets West or discuss the project further. Please let me know how you’d like to proceed.

Bio: Award-winning fiction writer with several placements in screenwriting competitions.

Best regards,

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  LD Janakos. Reason: use html
• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  LD Janakos. Reason: researched HTML and edited for format

[LD]

I’m not sure how to use HTML, but I will research and edit again

[LD]

L.D. Janakos
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  LD Janakos.

[LD]

LD’s Query Letter Exchange

Learned: I will use this step-by-step process for all scripts.

Title: Everybody’s Phobic (and then there’s me)

Name LD Janakos

Genre: Rom-Com

How long can a popular podcaster, keep hidden his multiple social phobias when an attractive and outspoken public speaker pursues him?

After Jaxon buys a social support animal that goes from a passive to a wildly social dog by the next morning, Angela convinces him to help her expose pet stores for drugging animals for better sales. But when she wants to use his support dog as a poster animal for the cause. Jaxon believes it’s a mistake, but agrees after she won’t take no for an answer.

Not long after they agree to work together, they each get jilted in love and find themselves each other’s support system but agree to avoid becoming each other’s rebound. They fail and separate.

When Angela gets kidnapped and Jaxon tries to find her, he also gets kidnapped. Stuck in the room together, they try to reconcile and sort through their feelings. But when they discover their kidnappers are a ring of illegal breeders of exotic animals, they feel doomed. Now they have 48 hours to free themselves and expose the illegal breeders.

If you find this concept of interest, I’d be happy to send you a copy of the script.

Sincerely,

LD Janakos

Besides being a novelist and placing in two film competitions for other work, I am in direct contact with someone who helped raise exotic animals while working with Exotic Joe of the Netflix Tiger King series.

[LD]

LD’s Target Market

Learned: The importance of the process of doing this kind of research.

Five RomComs that share one or more aspects with my film.

Always be My Maybe

When Harry Met Sally

Anger Management

Broadway Danny Rose

Bringing Up Baby

Five possible lead male actors:

Andrew Garfield, Jonah Hill, Cole Spruce, Jason Segal, Jack Whitehall

Five possible lead female actors:

Zendaya, Zoe Kravitz, Keke Palmer, Tiffany Haddish, Jasmine Luv

List of producers from the following films:

8 from Always be My Maybe

17 from Long Shot

9 from Magic Mike’s Last Dance

10 from Your Place or Mine

7 from I Want You Back

18 from Crush

7 from Nappily Ever After

[LD]

LD’s phone pitch

Learned: I know for sure I will avoid doing a cold call.

I would lead with the title.

Hi, Thanks for taking my call. My name is LD Janakos. I wonder if I can run a pitch by you. I just finished a RomCom called Everybody’s Phobic (and then there’s me). After viewing your film [name of film], I think we may be a good match.

In this story, after Jaxon a popular podcaster meets Angela, a polished and passionate public speaker and motivator, he does everything he can to keep his multiple social phobias hidden.

I see it in the mid-budget range. It runs 98 pages.

I think the versatile Andrew Garfield would be a great lead for the male role as would Zendaya for the female lead.

I’m just starting to call producers. I thought your company a good fit because of the romantic comedies [name of film] and [name of film] it produced and are similar in their level of humor.

How does it end? In the convention of many romantic comedies, after mutual attraction, resistance and blaming the other for just about everything that goes wrong, the two main characters finally realize they can experience great love together.

[LD]

L.D’s Pitch Fest Pitch

Learned: That I need this process.

Credibility

I’m a novelist and documentarian of shorts. Today I have a RomCom called Everybody’s Phobic (and then there’s me)

Just how long can popular podcaster and radio host Jaxon hide his multiple social phobias after he meets Angela, who needs his help in bringing down pet store owners who are drugging animals for better sales?

Budget: mid-range.

Actors for leads: Andrew Garfield for Jaxon; Antonio Gentry for Angela.

Three Acts

3 acts

Act 1: Jaxon unknowingly buys a drugged over the top hyper-social-support dog and tries to return it only to find Angela leading a boycott at the pet store. When she turns his support puppy into a poster dog for her cause, he gets pulled into her world but tries to hide his social phobias. Good luck!

Act 2: It doesn’t take long for Angela to convince Jaxon to help her expose pet stores. But that’s not the worst of it. When they and their dogs get kidnapped at separate times, they discover something far worse: a ring of dealers in illegal exotic animals that are being abused.

Act 3: Jaxon and Angela have 24 hours to escape and save themselves and the animals. At the last minute they escape, but don’t find love with each other until they meet again.

Credibility

Besides placing in two film competitions for other work, she is in direct contact with someone who helped raise exotic animals while working with Exotic Joe of the Netflix Tiger King series.

[LD]

LD’s query letter

What I learned: putting together the marketing approach helps forces you to rethink key aspects of the story.

Title: Everybody’s Phobic (and then there’s me)

By LD Janakos

Genre. RomCom

How long can a popular podcaster keep hidden his multiple social phobias when an outspoken public speaker pursues him?

While trying to find the right support animal to keep out of the wrong relationships. Jaxon meets popular activist Angela, who needs Jaxon and his support dog to help her expose a group of pet stores drugging animals for better sales.

But that’s not the worst of it to make him sweat.

Jaxon joins with Angela only to eventually get kidnapped by a ruthless network of illegal sellers of exotic animals. Now he must publicly do as the kidnappers say, or suffer the consequences.

When Angela too gets kidnapped, the two end up together and see each other in a new light. It’s either escape or die.

They have twenty-four hours.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

[LD]

LD’s high concept/elevator pitch

What I learned Not easy but helpful in re-arranging the molecules for a second draft.

Concept

Can a popular podcaster with multiple social phobias and a motivational and public speaker meet at the right moments for great love?

Elevator Pitch

Question: What are you working on?

Answer: I’m working on a RomCom called Everybody’s Phobic (and then there’s me). It answers the question, can a popular podcaster with multiple social phobias and a motivational and public speaker meet at the right moments for great love?

[LD]

LD – 10 most interesting things

What I learned: Listing these has helped me refine and reframe the story for the second draft.

What is most unique about two RomCom characters? Jaxon suffers from multiple social phobias but is a very popular podcast and radio host; Angela, an outspoken public speaker on animal rights, can smell trauma and suffers from the fear of small and closed places and heights.

· Major hook of your opening scene? Jaxon interviews 3 people on his podcast. He plays three different roles and operates all equipment or sound effects himself. Think a highly competent, confident and dexterous Woody Allen at work. He does everything at superior quality except for one thing, which makes for a comedic moment. End of show, end of confidence.

· Any turning points: 1. Jaxon tries to return support pets. But instead he gets pulled into Angela’s world of boycotting the pet store where he’s taking back the way too social support dog and the support turtle that won’t come out its shell. . His support dog is the hero, and both Jaxon and his dog have Angela’s attention. 2. Angela’s house gets burned down and she has to temporarily move in with Jaxon.

Emotional dilemma? Angela wants Jaxon to go to a phobia support group with her. Jaxon resists

.Reversals? Angela discovers pet sleeping pills in Jaxon’s kitchen drawer and breaks off her friendship with Jaxon.Major twists? Angela gets kidnapped moments before she is to speak at a conference and name pet stores that are drugging animals for an easy sale. Emotional dilemma? 1 Jaxon wants to help rescue Angela from kidnappers but his social anxiety holds him back. 2. Angela wants to get romantic but worries that Jaxon’s social phobias and her own phobia will sabotage them. Character betrayals? 1. Teapot a kidnapper betrays the other kidnappers to help Jaxon and Angela. 2. Angela’s nemesis reveals to the kidnappers that Angela has a fear of heights.Big surprises? The kidnappers are actually illegally selling exotic animals.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  LD Janakos.

[LD]

I learned this is getting harder. But these exercises help me see what needs work in my current script.

Present to producers: I would start with the title and its widespread appeal. I’d ask rhetorical questions such as the following: Who isn’t curious about everyone else’s phobia? Who doesn’t hope to see their own phobia acted out in a comedic way? How many phobias can one person have? Who doesn’t want to see two people get past their phobias through romance?

I would not ask these all at once. I’d ask two of these questions and then pause for responses. They may be the only two questions that I ask.

Present to managers: I would focus on me. I’d start by saying I have written 3 full-length screenplays. I’d focus on my latest and give the logline or concept and its appeal. If asked, I would then give a sentence or two of my history on my unrelated published or produced projects and awards.

Presenting to managers appears more difficult than presenting to producers.

[LD]

What I learned: I know next to nothing about marketing. In addition, as soon as I tried brainstorming the list on marketability, the story demanded change. No issue. I haven’t started the second draft yet. And that’s a good thing.

Genre: RomCom

Logline: A popular podcaster overloaded with social phobias grabs the interest of a confident and outspoken public speaker who needs his help.

First marketable component, the title: Everybody’s Phobic (and then there’s me)

How to present the title:

I’ll suggest that the title should spike interest in a similar way as that of Anger Management.

Second marketable component is widespread appeal.

How to present widespread appeal:

Boy and girl meet, they separate, they unite is a popular emotional roller coaster in romantic comedy.

[LD]

I finished my first draft, but I still have a few missing scenes to fill in. But I did get the 4 acts finished with a mixture of 10 – 20%. quality. Pretty amazing process.

[LD]

Lesson 11 LD’s ACT 1 TURNING POINT

What I learned from doing this assignment. I’m starting to get a feel for the protagonist and the problems that plague him. He can’t escape.

OUTLINE

ACT 1 TURNING POINT

EXT. PET STORE – DAY

Beginning

Jaxon shows up at the pet store. A boycott of the pet store is going on. He spots Angela with a megaphone leading the boycott.

Middle

He turns around with his two cages and rushes back to his car. As he puts the cages in the car, Angela spots him. Hurries after him and catches him. He tries to explain his presence. She sees the cages. She recognizes the sleeping puppy and wants to him to testify against the pet store owner for drugging animals in order to sell them.

End

Jaxon and Angela agree to meet at the dog park for a doggie date.

ACT 1 TURNING POINT SCENE

TURNING POINT SCENE

EXT. PET STORE – NIGHT

Jaxon pulls into a parking space while a boycott of the pet store is going on up ahead. He gets out and pulls the two cages out of the back seat, one with the puppy and the other with the turtle.

He spots Angela with a megaphone and turns quickly around and heads back to his car.

Angela spots Jaxon putting the two cages in the back seat of his car. She hurries over to his car. She knocks on the window.

Jaxon rolls down the window.

ANGELA

I thought that was you. You’re the Get Out Now guy podcast.

JAXON

Right. You wrote that book on Animal Trauma. How you been?

ANGELA

Busy. I listened to your podcast.

JAXON

Thanks. What’s going on here?

ANGELA

You’re not here for the boycott?

Angela’s dog comes running and jumps on the car at the window. The puppy barks.

JAXON

Definitely here for the boycott. But as soon as I got out of the car, I got this migraine. They come on suddenly when I least need them.

ANGELA

I’m sorry.

She rummages in her purse and pulls out aspirins.

JAXON

No, really, I’m fine. I take CBD for it. I’m allergic to aspirin.

Angela’s dog is jumping on the car.

ANGELA

Is that that puppy you bought? I want to talk to you about that puppy.

JAXON

You want it?

ANGELA

Want it? No. That puppy was sleeping. May I hold it?

Angela pulls Jaxon’s puppy out of the cage and out the open window.

ANGELA

There’s the little hero. Look how cute you are.

Angela’s dog and Jaxon’s dog are instant friends.

ANGELA

(to PUPPY)

You alerted me, didn’t you?

(TO JAXON)

I knew Mario was up to something. If not for this little pup, Mario would still be drugging animals to make them more complacent for sale.

JAXON

Damn. I knew it wasn’t me.

Other people come over to the car. Angela turns and shows them the puppy.

ANGELA

This is the puppy whose pulse I couldn’t find. Here’s the little hero.

(to JAXON)

I really wish you’d stay.

(to GROUP)

Does anyone have any CBD? He’s got a migraine.

RALLY PARTICIPATE 1 (O.

S.)

I do.

As more people crowd around his car, Jaxon starts sweating.

JAXON

I’m good. I only take a certain kind. Prescription. I can be allergic.

Angela puts the puppy into the car through the open back window. But it escapes from getting in the cage and leaps back out the window and takes off running.

ANGELA

Oh my god. I’m so sorry. Quick everyone. What’s his name?

JAXON

His name? His name. Yeah. Pepper. His name is Pepper.

Jaxon gets out of the car. Angela’s dog takes off running after the puppy. Everyone takes off running after the puppy whose name is now Pepper. Ad lib calls Pepper, which the puppy doesn’t answer to.

Angela’s dog catches the puppy. Angela and Jaxon walk toward the two dogs.

ANGELA

Why don’t we have a doggie play date.

JAXON

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

ANGELA

You’re on Instagram?

Jason pulls out a card.

JAXON

Yeah. Here’s my card.

ANGELA

What about Sunday?

They meet at the two dogs. The puppy is lying down panting. Angela’s dog is sitting next to it. Angela picks up the puppy and hands it to Jaxon, who looks helpless holding it.

JAXON

Yeah, Sunday. Sunday’s good.

ANGELA

Noon?

JAXON

Yeah. Noon’s good.

ANGELA

I got to get back. I hope you feel better.

Angela takes off running with her dog and the rest of the group follow. The puppy tries to get away from Jaxon. But Jaxon holds him tight.

JAXON

Don’t get any ideas, Pepper. And that’s your name. And just because you have one doesn’t mean you and I are together.

RALLY PERSON 1 is watching Jaxon with a frown.

Jaxon smiles and kisses the puppy. He gets in his car and puts the puppy on the passenger seat. The puppy is jumping at the window and barking.

Jaxon takes a deep breath, starts his car and makes a quick U turn and flies down the street. The puppy flies into his lap.

[LD]

Lesson 10 LD’s Inciting Incident

What I learned from doing this process. I like the process. What’s not to like? I had to stop posting, however, in order to give my full concentration to speed write the assignments.

ACT 1 Outline

Opening

INT. RADIO STATION – GLASS STUDIO – LATE NIGHT

Jaxon at radio station. Late at night. Few people are around. He is doing either a show or a podcast. He plays all the parts to avoid working with others. By the end of the show, he’s exhausted from doing every job from technical to host. Sneaks out from a party going on at the station.

INCITING INCIDENT

INT. PET STORE – NIGHT

Beginning

Jaxon is at the pet store. He’s come to exchange yet another emotional support animal, this one a turtle. Angela walks into the store. She has come to put her books on animal trauma on display.

Middle

Angela and Mario argue over which is the best emotional support animal for Jaxon. Jaxon tries to have a say in his choice but neither Mario nor Angela give him a chance to voice his choice. Jaxon is interested in a sleeping puppy.

End

Jaxon leaves the store with the turtle, the sleeping puppy and a copy of Angela’s book on animal trauma. Inside, is a leaflet announcing Angela giving a speech on animal abuse and trauma.

REACTION SCENE

INT. JASON’S DUPLEX – NIGHT

Jaxon comes into his apartment with his turtle, his sleeping puppy and Angela’s book. Sits on the couch defeated. He tells the animals that they are in temporary lodging for now.

Middle

Jason’s current lover arrives. She brings a bag of stuff. The lover finds the sleeping puppy cute.

End

Jaxon’s date finds she’s allergic to the puppy’s fur. The puppy wakes up shrieking.

SECOND BEAT SCENE: INCITING INCIDENT

INT. PET STORE OR ANIMAL SHELTER – DAY

A dog is shrieking. MARIO is behind the counter. He is emptying a pill into a dish of dog food.

Mario walks over to one of the cages and puts the bowl inside the cage for a puppy.

MARIO

One day soon you’ll be tormenting someone else with your neediness. You hyper crazy dog.

Jaxon walks into a pet store (or shelter) to exchange an emotional support animal (a turtle) that didn’t work for him.

Jaxon puts the small cage on the counter top.

MARIO

You again. You’re exchanging another animal?

Jaxon shrugs that he is.

The dog stops barking.

MARIO

The hamster didn’t work. The goldfish didn’t work. The snake didn’t work. What you need is a woman not an emotional support animal.

ANGELA (early 30s) walks into the store with a satchel.

MARIO

Here comes one of my nightmares. Don’t say anything about the exchange. She’ll start lecturing.

Mario quickly puts the turtle in a drawer and closes it.

MARIO

Angela, how nice to see you again. I have the table set up for you.

Angela and Jaxon exchange eye contact of momentary interest before Jaxon wanders over to bird cages.

Angela pulls out books from her satchel and puts a few on the counter. The turtle is knocking on the drawer to get out.

ANGELA

Maybe you can also leave a couple here at the counter. Is someone knocking?

MARIO

Bad pipes. The plumber’s coming tomorrow. What do you think? Jaxon here can’t decide on which emotional support animal he should get. You’re the expert.

Mario holds up one of Angela’s books. The cover: The Animal Trauma Epidemic.

MARIO

She writes books.

Jaxon gives a thumbs up. At a cage, Jaxon sticks his hand in the cage but the bird takes a nip at his finger won’t let go.

Angela sees and walks over to the Jaxon.

ANGELA

Now is that anyway to treat someone who wants to be friends? Come on, let go.

She makes sounds like a bird and the bird lets go.

Jaxon raises a brow in surprise.

Angela holds up one of her books for Jaxon.

ANGELA

I have a section on bird trauma.

Jaxon hides his finger in pain, which is now bleeding.

ANGELA

You might not be a bird person.

MARIO

What about a monkey? I have just the monkey for emotional support.

Jaxon starts to respond but doesn’t get a word out.

ANGELA

If you get one monkey, you should have two monkeys. You’re not still feeding animals that Baker’s dog food, Mario. It’s been recalled again.

Angela is now arranging some of her books on a table.

MARIO

Of course not.

Mario clears the area of all references to Baker’s dog food off his counter desk while Angela pulls out a baggie with a small bottle of antiseptic, cotton and a band aid.

Angela quickly puts the band aid on Jaxon’s finger before she goes back to fixing her books on the table.

At the cages of puppies, Jaxon stands looking at the puppies until he opens a cage and pulls out the sleeping puppy.

MARIO

I don’t think that puppy’s for you.

ANGELA

How adorable. Never put it back.

MARIO

I know this puppy. That puppy is not for him.

Jaxon holds the puppy at arm’s length. Angela wanders over to him and pets the puppy. She tries its pulse.

ANGELA

Mario, are you sure this one is okay? He’s out cold.

Angela gives Mario a suspicious look.

MARIO

Okay, he’ll take it. One puppy. One of Angela’s books and a free turtle.

Jaxon makes sounds to resist the purchase of all three but can’t find the words. Mario runs Jaxon’s credit card.

Done, Mario grabs Jaxon by the arm and whisks Jaxon toward the door.

MARIO

Go and make friends with your emotional support.

More curious in watching Jaxon leave, Angela stands one of her books upside down. At the door, Jaxon turns and raises a finger bye.

NEW BEAT REACTION

INT. JAXON’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Jaxon comes into his house with the two cages and Angela’s book. He puts the cages down on the floor and Angela’s book on the table. He opens the door again and brings in boxes of food delivered.

He sits on the couch. The puppy is still asleep.

JAXON

Don’t think this is more than temporary lodgings for either of you. You’re on trial.

He picks up Angela’s book. He looks at the back cover. He pulls out the leaflet inside that announces Angela’s public speaking event on animal trauma.

DOOR BELL

Jaxon lets in CAROL (30s), a current lover. She comes in with a bag of purchases. They kiss.

JAXON

You look amazing.

From the bag, she pulls out products and puts them on the table next to Angela’s book.

CAROL

This could be boundary crossing. I mean women don’t usually shop for someone unless they have a commitment. After shave, lotion, soap, mouthwash and toothpaste.

Carol notices the two cages. Carol gets on the floor and looks in the cage of the puppy. The puppy is still sleeping. Carol sneezes.

Jaxon puts on an Art Pepper sound track.

CAROL

How cute. New puppy?

JAXON

No commitment yet. I’m trying it out.

The puppy opens one eye.

CAROL

Hi, there. Little guy.

Carol sneezes again.

CAROL

I must be allergic. Must be its fur.

The puppy starts shrieking. Carol backs off and gets up. She sneezes.

JAXON

Let it out. It’s probably confused and scared. You know, new place, strangers.

CAROL

I’m allergic. Put it in another room and let’s get down to serious sex. I’ve only got an hour.

The puppy keeps shrieking. Jaxon grabs the cage and takes it into the kitchen.

[LD]

Lesson 9 LD’s Act 1 Opening Scene

What I learned from this assignment: That if a scene seems it needs more time, to let it sit and keep going. I experienced that with the opening scene. I know what’s in it, but I’m not certain how to present it yet. A lot keeps repeating, some things get left behind or lose their purpose.

Outline

Act 1

Opening Scenes

INT. RADIO STATION – GLASS STUDIO – LATE NIGHT

Beginning

Jaxon at radio station. He’s on the last few minutes of streaming his Podcast inside a studio with three glass sides. Very competent at the mic and operating the audio board and including sound effects, he’s playing both host and guest. Hight of confidence

Middle

Jaxon ends his podcast exhausted from doing every job from sound effects to host to guest.

End

Outside the glass booth, the group is having a birthday party for Pit, one of the other late night hosts. Someone knocks on the door and Jaxon lets him in. The woman tells him they want to light the candles. Jaxon acts completely enthused. He tells her he’ll be right there. Instead, he puts had on and slips out the door of the studio and into the parking lot.

Second Scene to Introduce lead character

Beginning

Jaxon arrives home, a duplex with doors next to each other. Inside the hallway, he finds several boxes delivered and he brings them inside. He lives alone.

Middle

Quickly, goes to his computer and accesses his email. He composes an email to Pit. He apologizes for having to leave. Excuses himself from the party because of a sudden migraine. Knock at door. It’s Jaxon’s current lover. She comes in blowing a horn. They either drink or smoke to get high. She announces a surprise: She’s made reservations at a ski lodge. It’s an office party. They’ll all live together for the four days.

End

Jaxon finds an excuse for not going. His girlfriend becomes very upset at his refusal to ever do anything social. They fight more. She dumps him.

Introduce Antagonist

Beginning

Jaxon tries to return, for an exchange, an unwanted turtle, an emotional support animal, to a pet store (or maybe a shelter).

Middle: Angela shows up with new book on animal trauma and suspicions about the owner of the pet store.

End

Jaxon ends up leaving the pet store not only with the turtle but with a sleeping dog Angela insists will be the perfect support dog.

[LD]

Lesson 8 LD’s Beat Sheet Draft 2

What I learned from doing this assignment: I never did a beat sheet before, so this one and the Draft 1 were good assignments for me.

ACT 1

OPENING:

INT. RADIO STATION – GLASS STUDIO – LATE NIGHT

Jaxon at radio station. Late at night. Few people are around. He is doing either a show or a podcast. He plays all the parts to avoid working with others. By the end of the show, he’s exhausted from doing every job from technical to host.

PLACEHOLDER SCENES: Jaxon avoids people, has food and products delivered from companies, or has nephew pick up

PLACEHOLDER SCENES: Series of romantic relationships that go all wrong once Jaxon and lover make commitment. Lovers accuse Jaxon of not being “all in” even after commitment.

EXT. SKI RESORT – DAY

TE 1: All goes well with Jaxon’s current lover until they make a commitment. Everything radically changes. On a ski trip, Jaxon hides out, a fight ensues followed by Jaxon getting dumped.

INT. PET STORE OR ANIMAL SHELTER – DAY

TE 2; Giving up on commitment, Jaxon gets and returns/exchanges emotional support animals. In returning a turtle, he first meets Angela, a public speaker on animal trauma and abuse.

PLACEHOLDER SCENES: Animal incompatibility scenes with Jaxon. Women incompatibility with women.

PLACEHOLDER SCENES: Works more and more hours at the radio state, tries to return the dog but the store is closed for vacation.

INT. PET STORE OR ANIMAL SHELTER – DAY

TURNING POINT: Upon trying to return Echo (or Pepper), an emotional support dog, Jaxon runs into Angela and her dog. He denies he’s attempting to return his dog. Their dogs really like each other. Angela and Jaxon agree to meet at the dog park for a doggy date.

ACT 2

INT – RADIO STATION – GLASS BOOTH – LATE NIGHT

OPENING: Jaxon at radio station.

PLACEHOLDER SCENES: work, self at home, friends, family, dog, women he dates.

EXT. DOG PARK – DAY

TE 3: Jaxon meets Angela at dog park.

EXT. RADIO STATION – LATE NIGHT

TE 4: Jaxon refuses to agree to an interview feature in Angela’s organization newsletter, which requires him to be on a panel of other dog owners.

TURNING POINT: Angela comes to meet Pit, a co-worker of Jaxon, who also has a dog, in her organization’s newsletter. He’s going to be on the panel instead of Jaxon. Clearly Pit has a thing for Angela. She compliments Pit on his full commitment to his dog.

ACT 3

INT. RADIO STATION – GLASS STUDIO – LATE NIGHT

OPENING: Jaxon at radio station.

TE 5: Angela dates Pit from the radio station.

INT. ANGELA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

TE 6: Angela and Jaxon have a soul talk that leads to sex.

EXT. PARK – DAY

TURNING POINT: Jaxon and Angela make a commitment.

ACT 4

INT. RADIO STATION – NIGHT

OPENING: Jaxon at radio station.

INT. JAXON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

TE 7: Jaxon and Angela fight over definitions of commitment and break up

EXT. PARK – DAY

TE 8: Jaxon and Angela reconcile

EXT. PARK – DAY

END: Jaxon and Angela embark on an attempt to try to achieve great love.

[LD]

Lesson 7 LD’s High Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned from this assignment: Getting better acquainted with the story and what speed writing feels like. Vague and missing links are okay. Temporary is okay. Trust the process.

ACT 1

OPENING:

INT. RADIO STATION – GLASS STUDIO – LATE NIGHT

Jaxon at radio station. Late at night. Few people are around. He is doing either a show or a podcast. He plays all the parts to avoid working with others. By the end of the show, he’s exhausted from doing every job from technical to host.

Series of romantic relationships that go all wrong once Jaxon and lover make commitment.

PLACEHOLDER: scenes of Jaxon with current lover.

PLACEHOLDER: scenes of Jaxon with sister and her family who live next door on the other side of the duplex.

PLACEHOLDER: Jaxon has food and everything else delivered.

PLACEHOLDER: Jaxon at the computer communicating with others.

EXT. SKI RESORT – DAY

TE All goes well with Jaxon’s current lover until they make a commitment. Everything radically changes. On a ski trip, Jaxon hides out, a fight ensues followed by Jaxon getting dumped.

PLACEHOLDER: Jaxon with sister and family. She suggests a emotional support animal.

INT. PET STORE OR ANIMAL SHELTER – DAY

INCITING INCIDENT: Giving up on commitment, Jaxon gets and returns for exchanges emotional support animals. In trying to exchange, he first meets Angela, a public speaker on animal trauma and abuse.

PLACEHOLDER: animal incompatibility scenes

PLACEHOLDER: podcaster working more hours.

INT. PET STORE OR ANIMAL SHELTER – DAY

TURNING POINT: Upon trying to return Echo, an emotional support dog, Jaxon runs into Angela and her dog. He denies he’s attempting to return Echo. Their dogs really like each other. Angela and Jaxon agree to meet at the dog park for a doggy date.

ACT 2

INT – RADIO STATION – GLASS BOOTH – LATE NIGHT

OPENING: Jaxon at radio station.

PLACEHOLDER: dog scenes

PLACEHOLDER: DATES WOMAN – Sex without commitment. Bad dates.

EXT. DOG PARK – DAY

TE 1: Jaxon meets Angela at dog park. He passes on an interview to be featured in Angela’s organization newsletter.

PLACEHOLDER: Jaxon with more women

EXT. RADIO STATION – LATE NIGHT

TE 2: ANGELA features Pit, a co-worker of Jaxon who also has a dog, in her organization’s newsletter.

TURNING POINT: Angela confides to Jaxon she’s thinking about getting involved with pit. She wants to his thoughts.

ACT 3

INT. RADIO STATION – GLASS STUDIO – LATE NIGHT

OPENING: Jaxon at radio station.

TE 3: Angela dates Pit from the radio station.

INT. ANGELA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT

TE 4: Angela and Jaxon have sex.

EXT. PARK – DAY

TURNING POINT: Jaxon and Angela make a commitment.

ACT 4

INT. RADIO STATION – NIGHT

OPENING: Jaxon at radio station.

INT. JAXON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

TE 5: Jaxon and Angela fight and break up

EXT. PARK – DAY

TE 6: Jaxon and Angela reconcile

EXT. PARK – DAY

END: Jaxon and Angela embark on an attempt to try to achieve great love. The dog and turtle still with them.

[LD]

Lesson 6 LD’s Transformational Events

What I learned from this assignment: I find that the focus of the story keeps narrowing in a manageable way. Enjoying process.

Old Ways:

Jaxon fails at and gives up on committed relationships. Jason denies that he’s agoraphobic. Jaxon buys and returns emotional support animals.

New Ways:

Jaxon faces his agoraphobia. Jaxon enters a committed relationship with Ally. Jaxon keeps an extroverted emotional support dog.

Transformational Changes:

Recognizes that commitment dooms his romantic relationships, so he tries to have romantic relationships without commitments.

Ambivalent and suspicious about Angela’s intentions, but doesn’t want to take the chance of losing her, so avoids sex altogether.

Ambivalent about the jealousy and hurt he feels when Angela dates a co-worker.

Feels he should commit himself to Angela until he panics and has to fight or face his social anxiety.

Moment of truth about weaknesses: Angela freely talks about her weaknesses. Jaxon admits to his agoraphobia and recognizes he drifts into unwanted social situations to get out of unwanted relationships.

Thinks he might just be able to experience great love with Angela—or at least try for it.

Transformational Events

After his latest break-up with the wrong woman, he swears off of commitments to relationships.

At the pet store or shelter to return Echo, his latest support animal, Jaxon meets Angela. To impress her, he doesn’t return Echo.

Agrees to let Angela feature him and Echo in Angela’s organization’s newsletter.

His ambivalence about his jealousy when Angela dates a co-worker of his leads him to rethink his needs and desires.

Has soul talk with Angela about who they are. Admits he might be agoraphobic.

Has friend sex with Angela but no commitment.

Has fight and break up with Angela.

Reconciles with Angela with commitment.

[LD]

Lesson 5 LD’s 4-Act Transformational Structure

What I learned from the assignment: I realized that I just “created” a personal template based on the assignment template that I can use over and over. I need only fill in the blanks as I did for this assignment.

Concept: An agoraphobic denier who can’t seem to stay out of unwanted social or committed romantic situations meets Angela, an attractive and zany public speaker on animal trauma, who seems the opposite of the woman he’s looking for but proves to be the one.

Main Conflict Will Jaxon find the right woman he can romantically commit to– and be able to make the commitment?

Old Ways:

Jaxon fails at and gives up committed relationships. Jason denies that he’s agoraphobic. Jaxon buys and returns emotional support animals.

New Ways:

Jaxon faces his agoraphobia. Jaxon enters a committed relationship with Angela. Jaxon keeps an extroverted emotional support dog.

ACT 1

OPENING

Jaxon, who can’t stay out of unwanted social situations and commitments, experiences a series of romantic relationships that implode soon after he and the partner commit to each other.

INCITING INCIDENT

From the distance Jaxon sees Angela and they make eye contact. On a skiing trip he doesn’t want to take, Jaxon and his current lover have a fight over the meaning of commitment. By the end of the trip, the relationship is over. To help him cope, he gets an emotional support animal.

TURNING POINT

After exchanging several unwanted emotional support animals, Jaxon tries to return Echo, an overactive and socially exuberant dog only to be confronted by Angela, a public speaker on animal trauma. Avoiding conflict with Angela and wanting her to think well of him, he reluctantly leaves the pet store or shelter with the same incompatible dog.

ACT 2

NEW PLAN

Jaxon tries to have relationships without commitment and tries to get rid of Echo.

THE PLAN IN ACTION Jaxon’s plan on both fails. The women who agree to ‘no commitment” turn out more demanding and incompatible than those who he was previously committed to. Meanwhile, Angela comes into his life to feature him and Echo for her organization’s newsletter.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT

Angela starts dating another podcaster named Tip at the radio station at which Jaxon works.

ACT 3

RETHINK EVERYTHING

Jaxson feels everyone is overstepping boundaries from his family to Echo to Tip and Angela. Jaxon and Angela realize they’re dating.

NEW PLAN

Jaxon and Angela talk about the meaning of great love.

TURNING POINT: HUGH FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT

Jaxon and Angela have sex for the first time followed by a fight and split up.

ACT 4

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT

Jaxon and Angela see or hear each other from a distance. Jaxon dates others but misses Angela. Angela is back with Tip but misses Jaxon.

RESOLUTION

Jaxon and Angela embark on a committed relationship toward great love.

[LD]

LD’s Character’s Interviews

What I learned from doing this assignment: I don’t go through this kind of an exercise when I create a story. I generally jump right into the story from various starting points, which are never the blueprint same for any story. There’s a curiosity pleasure to that kind of entry and unfolding. I like not knowing. But I jumped into the assignment wholeheartedly. While I started the interviews feeling a bit restricted as a creative thinker, by the end of each interview I felt that the questions and answers, rather than hinder my imaginative process, gave me a new way to get to know my characters, which in the end appealed to me. I liked the interviews as a short cut tool.

I also learned a lot about these two characters, the protagonist and antagonist. First, I had given each of them placeholder names, and both of the characters passed on them. Next, as I went through the questions, they acted as building dimension blocks, so that by the time the interviews were over, I felt I was working with three-dimensional characters with real feelings, desires and intentions, which I could see acted out in scenes. I did get a better sense of who my antagonist is even if she still needs a lot of fleshing out.

[LD]

LD’s character Profiles part 2

What I learned doing this assignment: That I know more about my protagonist than I do my antagonist. Answers to these questions also evoke scenes.

Protagonist: Dax

What draws us to this character? Depending on which situation we find ourselves in, most of us suffer from some kind of social anxiety. His agoraphobia leads him into hilarious situations that he has to fight his way out of and hide his agoraphobia until he able to face it through great love.

Traits: technically savvy, ambivalent, closet agoraphobic, secretly judgmental, insecure or confident depending on situation
Subtext: Maybe makes up a story about dating a woman to prevent his sister and brother-in-law from fixing him up with blind dates. The woman he describes is much like Angela, whom he hasn’t met yet. Dates wrong women to avoid intimacy

Flaw: Avoids conflict

Values: Authenticity, privacy, intelligence, perfection
Irony: He keeps finding himself in unwanted social situations.

What makes this the right character for this role? He’s a closet agoraphobic who can face the trauma behind his agoraphobia through great love.

Antagonist: Angela

What draws us to this character? She’s over the top passionate about everything including the need to speak on behalf of traumatized animals and the capacity for great love.

Traits: Passionate, courageous, outspoken, compassionate, stubborn, mistrustful, observant

Subtext: She describes a few animals in a pet store or plants in her garden with social problems akin to humans. One such description suggests Dax.

Flaw: Sentimentality

Values: Knowing oneself, ethical behavior, intuition, great love, spontaneity

Irony: Possibly she’s allergic to a particular kind of dog or cat hair

What makes this the right character for this role? She is the only person whose passion for great love can break through Dax’s social anxiety.

LD’s Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment was how to initially brainstorm on character before writing a screenplay.

2. DAX. Role of Protagonist: A runner, he’s a closet agoraphobic who is running from romantic relationships and his social anxiety. We follow his journey as he finds himself in unwanted social situations and with the wrong women until he finds the right woman and faces his agoraphobia.

3. ANGELA. Role, antagonist. An agent of change, she’s a kooky and attractive public speaker on animal trauma. An agent of change, she pursues Dax first because she becomes interested in him and his unwanted emotional support dog and then because she is romantically interested in Dax. Initially, rejected by Dax, she slowly proves to him and herself that she is the right woman for him and the dog is the right dog for him. She works at an organization called Protective Services for Animals.

4 SUPPORTING CHARACTERS

o Sister (lives next door)

o Brother in law (lives next door)

o Nephew lives next door

o Niece lives next door

o Fellow Podcaster (major competition—he’s attracted to the antagonist)

o Angele’s Male friend

o Dax’s Female friend

· MINOR OR BACKGROUND CHARACTERS

o Pet store owner

o Others who work at the radio station or are podcasters.

o Women Dax dates

Men Angela dates

People at Angela’s organization for Animal Protection

5. GENRE: ROM-COM

6. LEAD CHARACTER PROFILE

DAX- ROLE – Protagonist/Runner

· Closet agoraphobic.

· Age: early 30s.

· Very popular podcaster and radio host

· Super confident alone, when at work, on the air and with trusted friends

· A wreck in social situations

· When agoraphobic, freezes and sweats in crowds and with strangers

· When agoraphobic, loses his speech

· Keeps choosing wrong women

· When he gives up on committed love relationships, he tries to replace them with emotional support animals and more hours at work.

· Keeps buying and returning the wrong animals. Those animals he can’t return, he gives away to trusted homes. Keeps taking on more work. Can’t stop working. Other responsibilities get put on hold. Sleeps less.

· When invited to social situations, excuse is always “have to work.”

INTERNAL JOURNEY: Goes from giving up on romance to finding true love.

EXTERNAL JOURNEY: Thinks Angela is just another wrong woman to finding her to be the right woman.

MOTIVATION: Avoiding the friction and stress that come with the disappointment of being with the wrong women and in unwanted social situations.

WOUND: From childhood

MISSION: Attempts to give up on romance by replacing it with an emotional support animal and more work. Maintains casual romantic relationships.

SECRET: lies to sister and brother in law about social life.

WHAT MAKES HIM SPECIAL: Closet agoraphobic – both extremely confident or extremely insecure depending on the social situation.

LD’s Character Profiles Part 1

3. ANGELA. Role, antagonist. An agent of change, she’s a kooky and attractive public speaker on animal trauma and abuse. An agent of change, she pursues Dax first because she becomes interested in him and his unwanted emotional support dog and quickly because she is romantically interested in Dax. Initially, rejected by Dax, she slowly proves to him that the dog is the right dog for him and she is the right woman for him.

6. LEAD CHARACTER PROFILE

ANGELA, CHANGE AGENT

Passionate public speaker on animal trauma and rights.

Sensitive, forthright, outspoken, artistic, eccentric, kind to animals. Flaws: judgmental and overly suspicious

· Age: early 30s.

INTERNAL JOURNEY: starts out satisfied with casual relationships to finding great love

EXTERNAL JOURNEY: starts out suspicious of Dax to friends with Dax to being in a committed relationship of great love with him.

MOTIVATION: From wants to see Dax and his dog happy to wants to see she and Dax with their dogs happy.

WOUND: From childhood

MISSION: to establish an honest committed relationship

SECRET: witnessed family member, friend or neighbor abused animals

WHAT MAKES HER SPECIAL: She understands human trauma through understanding of animal trauma.

[LD]

L.D.s Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment was how to initially brainstorm on character before writing a screenplay.

2. DAX. Role of Protagonist: A runner, he’s a closet agoraphobic who is running from romantic relationships and his social anxiety. We follow his journey as he finds himself in unwanted social situations and with the wrong women until he finds the right woman and faces his agoraphobia.

3. ANGELA. Role, antagonist. An agent of change, she’s a kooky and attractive public speaker on animal trauma. An agent of change, she pursues Dax first because she becomes interested in him and his unwanted emotional support dog and then because she is romantically interested in Dax. Initially, rejected by Dax, she slowly proves to him and herself that she is the right woman for him and the dog is the right dog for him.

4 SUPPORTING CHARACTERS

o Sister (lives next door)

o Brother in law (lives next door)

o Nephew lives next door

o Niece lives next door

o Fellow Podcaster (major competition—he’s attracted to the antagonist)

o Angele’s Male friend

o Dax’s Female friend

· MINOR OR BACKGROUND CHARACTERS

o Pet store owner

o Others who work at the radio station or are podcasters.

o Women Dax dates

Men Angela dates

5. GENRE: ROM-COM

6. LEAD CHARACTER PROFILE

DAX- ROLE – Protagonist/Runner

· Closet agoraphobic.

· Age: early 30s.

· Very popular podcaster and radio host

· Super confident alone, when at work, on the air and with trusted friends

· A wreck in social situations

· When agoraphobic, freezes and sweats in crowds and with strangers

· When agoraphobic, loses his speech

· Keeps choosing wrong women

· When he gives up on committed love relationships, he tries to replace them with emotional support animals and more hours at work.

· Keeps buying and returning the wrong animals. Those animals he can’t return, he gives away to trusted homes. Keeps taking on more work. Can’t stop working. Other responsibilities get put on hold. Sleeps less.

· When invited to social situations, excuse is always have to work.

INTERNAL JOURNEY: Goes from giving up on romance to finding true love.

EXTERNAL JOURNEY: Thinks Angela is just another wrong woman to finding her to be the right woman.

MOTIVATION: Avoiding the friction and stress that come with the disappointment of being with the wrong women and in unwanted social situations.

WOUND: From childhood

MISSION: Attempts to give up on romance by replacing it with an emotional support animal and more work. Maintains casual romantic relationships.

SECRET: lies to sister and brother in law about social life.

WHAT MAKES HIM SPECIAL: Closet agoraphobic – both extremely confident or extremely insecure depending on the social situation.

LD’s Character Profiles Part 1

6. LEAD CHARACTER PROFILE

ANGELA, CHANGE AGENT

Passionate public speaker on animal trauma and rights.

Sensitive, forthright, outspoken, artistic, eccentric, kind to animals. Flaws: judgmental and overly suspicious

· Age: early 30s.

INTERNAL JOURNEY: starts out satisfied with casual relationships to finding great love

EXTERNAL JOURNEY: starts out suspicious of Dax to friends with Dax to being in a committed relationship of great love with him.

MOTIVATION:

WOUND: From childhood

MISSION: to establish an honest relationship

SECRET: family member, friend or neighbor abused animals

WHAT MAKES HER SPECIAL: She understands human trauma through understanding of animal trauma.

[LD]

From doing this assignment, I gained more insight into the purpose of a concept and how to develop it.

GENRE: ROMCOM

Who’s Dax? Late 20s. Male. He’s a popular podcaster. He’s also a closet agoraphobic, who can’t find the right women to love. He can’t even find the right emotional support animal. He’s a profound mixture of self confidence and utter insecurity.

Arc: When he meets the right woman, he rejects her as another wrong woman until he learns to trust her and his own feelings and insights.

Internal journey: Dax swears off of romantic life because no matter how he weighs the pros and cons of commitment, the cons outweigh the pros, that is, when he’s not getting dumped first. He ends his journey capable of an enduring relationship by coming out of the agoraphobic closet.

External Journey. Dax starts out either dumping or being dumped by the wrong women. He also keeps buying and returning unwanted emotional support animals. And he continues finding himself in unwanted social situations. He also rejects the right woman thinking she’s another wrong woman. He ends up, at the last minute, with the right woman.

Old ways: Chooses the wrong women, wrong emotional support animals and wrong social situations. In denial about his agoraphobia.

New ways: Chooses the right women and social situations. Accepts the right dog that he keeps failing to return. Faces his agoraphobia.

[LD]

1. L.D.

2 Two full-length fiction screenplays

3.Goal: Develop a first draft of new screenplay

4. Two novels published and numerous documentaries. I started a podcast (voice only) but after several requests, I’m adding visuals (images or clips) to the ones that I have and airing them as part of my series Descendants of the Imagination.

[LD]

L.D. Janakos

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[LD]

Hi Edward! Terrific!

I can’t say enough good things about your revision. It seems to check all of the boxes. I can’t imagine a producer passing up this script to read.

Good luck with sending it out.

LD

[LD]

Hi Edward, Thanks so much for your fine feedback. I shall copy it and refer to it as a do the next draft.

LD

[LD]

Hi Ed, I have a response to your queries. However, I’m not skilled at using HTML, so I’m researching how to use the HTML symbols, to separate paragraphs. As you will see in my own query post, I posted my queries with issues. I may have to edit this as well.

Let me start with your pitch fest: Its originality in conflict and romance draws me in. I’m interested to hear more. The conflict is clear as are the characters. I believe it will get the attention of producers or managers at a pitch fest. I think of all the opening hooks in your 4 pitches, this one is the clearest and most provocative. (I’m not familiar with the films you mention, so I can’t comment on their power to grab attention.

QUERY LETTER: The opening hook is pretty terrific. The opening hook draws me in and leaves me with questions I’d like answers to, so that’s an excellent start. I find hooks evoking questions a positive reason to request to hear more about a story. The middle paragraphs are off to a good start, but I get confused about the characters and plot of the story. While the final hook is strong in itself, you might want to work on it a bit more for a powerful punch as romantic comedies generally end with the people overcoming their conflicts and bonding together in some way. You might also hint at how comedic elements fit in. Overall, I think you have a fine Christmas story with a good twist. I played around with your letter a bit.

I DON’T KNOW YOUR STORY, BUT HERE ARE SUGGESTIONS THAT HELPED ME BETTER UNDERSTAND WHAT I THINK YOUR LETTER WANTS TO GET ACROSS.

Heartbroken and cynical, Howie Bellamy escapes to his grandparents’ Winterberry Manor for a forced family Christmas. There, he meets Jasper Frost, a charming but mysterious mason (elf) on a secret mission to save Christmas.

Impressed with Jasper’s masonry skills and uncanny ability to stir adventurous feelings, Howie comically stumbles into a world of secrets about Christmas—and an unexpected love connection that Howie doesn’t believe is real. But neither Jasper’s mission nor Howie’s cynicism can stop the force drawing them closer together. Jasper’s growing feelings for Howie begin to disrupt his mission to restore the Keystone Chimney, critical to Santa’s Christmas magic. As their emotions deepen, Howie senses his presence could prevent Jasper from completing his mission.

How will Howie help save Christmas without losing the elf he loves?

[LD]

Hi Ed. I’m also working on a romantic comedy and would be happy to exchange feedback on the 4 pitches. Let me know if you’re available to do so.

L.D. Janakos