[Leah Gunderson]

I, Leah Gunderson, agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leah Gunderson: Three Circles of Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is to know three levels of relationships between the characters.

A. Main Character’s Circle

1. Iman (supportive mainstay): Hero who is determined to rebuild Basra, Iraq
2. Amal (hope): Love interest
3. Faizah: Iman’s mom who is educated, beautiful, and politically connected.
4. Hamal (lamb): Iman’s father who is a business man and he is against extremism.
5. Shayan (courteous): extremist leader recruiting youth for his cause

B. Connected Circle

1. Saad (good luck): Shayan’s recruiter

2. Haidar (lion): Iman’s best friend who wants revenge on USA

3. Kareem (generous, noble): orphaned after bombings and homeless

4. Omar (life, flourishing): opportunistic and power seeking

5. Samir (companion in evening talk): Shayan’s son

C. Environment Circle

1. Military Personnel (various groups)

2. Market

3. Convicted Thieves and Traitors

4. People on Street

5. Religious leaders

6. Business people

7. Wives

8. Siblings

9. Flashbacks to Basra as “The Bride of Iraq”

10. Shayan’s army

[Leah Gunderson]

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”: If June didn’t care about her identity and by extension what she perceives to be her personal responsibility as a woman, wife and mother there would be no story. This is about identity (her past and present) in the context of exploitation (major conflict with new world order). The power struggles are all about controlling June’s perception of her own identity. Is she June or Offred?

*I wouldn’t have understood this so clearly without the second review.

First Review of The Handmaid’s Tale S1E1

1. Big Picture Hooks
   Ask this: What is the big hook of this show? The violent and extreme disregard for June. Weird mix of God’s word in the Bible and traditional Christian hymns with infantilization of grown woman to behave like little girls who accept being raped, tortured, and abused.
2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
   Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting? In this emergency, the mom and dad are extremely paternal, caring, and gentle with their daughter. June is strong. She is keeping herself alive in her mind with the contrast of what she would really say because of how she really feels and what she truly understands about this strange world in contrast to what she has to say in order to be the dog (breeding bitch) that she is supposed to be in this new role. Also, she is mentally giving herself choices though choice is only available in her thoughts and heart.
3. Empathy / Distress
   Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character? First, a wintery landscape cold enough that all scared characters need winter attire and focus is on family’s vulnerable, little girl. Second, car gets stuck and now the little girl needs to run with her mommy. The father is shouting “Run! Run! Run!”. The father is wanting to protect them, but has to rely on the mom to directly protect their daughter – he has to let them go. Third, gunshots and the mom things “they” got her husband. Forth, “they” take her daughter. Fifth, “they” take her. Sixth, we are introduced to roles in this society and the mom is told that the previous woman in her position was like “training a dog” (irony is that the handmaids are breeding bitches if dog terms were to be used for breeding stock) and then Mrs. Waterford gives her commands like she is a dog required to obey. Seventh, June is not the only one. There are many captured women who were captured because they are fertile.
4. Layers / Open Loops
   Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season? Why are they really being chased? After the capture, we learn about a strange world in which no one is happy, but angry power struggles abound. No one knows who to trust. Dead bodies on the wall indicate what is NOT allowed, and it is juxtaposed by weird “lesson” on why God punished society with infertility. And then Janine’s eye is removed as punishment for not verbally agreeing with the system. And then June is raped . . . how many women will be raped and how many more time will June be raped?
5. Inviting Obsession
   Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode? June is remembering how this all started, but it is only in snatches of fractured memories. I need to watch more to learn what it is that she remembers so that I can understand why she is now a prisoner and what she is going to do about it – The Handmaid’s Tale.

Second Review of The Handmaid’s Tale S1E1

1. Big Picture Hooks
   Ask this: What is the big hook of this show? The big hook is discovering if this woman is going to be June or Offred (identity by name)?
2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
   Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting? She is constantly shifting between expressing herself as June (in her mind) and as Offred (compliant behavior). This is amazing because as June is trying to remember her life before the cpature, she is actually reinventing “June” such as one option at the grocery store might be to select eggs or a machine gun. Who she is was, is and will be is undecided. This is intriguing because there has to be a breaking point or a point of clear decisions that determines her new identity (identity by individuation).
3. Empathy / Distress
   Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character? It is distressing and concerning to watch June being erased, yet she is strong enough to hold out in her mind. We want her to not lose herself in this mad world (identity by environment). We do not want her to be raped again (identity and emotional trauma).
4. Layers / Open Loops
   Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season? The big questions is who will June become in her efforts to save herself and her daughter (identity by imposed circumstance).
5. Inviting Obsession
   Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode? We care about June. We think we know her, but we also think we don’t know her at all. What kind of women is she going to become because of all of this? One thing we do know, June is going to act. What will she do next (identify by self-determination)?

[Leah Gunderson]

And for the rest . . .

I’ve only written drafts. I really don’t count them as finished scripts because I know I need to learn more in order to improve them.

I truly do want to market three TV series and I’m looking forward to what I can learn from this class.

Unique to me is that I just earn $75 because I’ve done the most workout sessions at HotWorx, baby! LOL

[Leah Gunderson]

I have some really great ideas for binge worthy TV and would like to develop these into market ready products for streaming on a platform such as Netflix or Hulu.

[Leah Gunderson]

My name is Leah Gunderson and I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leah Max Interest Part 2 – Feedback on Cycle 1

Logline: Celebration becomes an ass-kicking.
Essence: Trent thrives on manipulating others for monetary gain; it’s payback time.
Interest Techniques: (I tried to use most of them, but not really sure if I actually convey them skillfully.)

Back Room Scene [suspense]: In a dimly lit room, Robert, presses his ear against the door. His forehead breaks out in a sweat as he hears the mingle of celebratory music and happy voices. When the happy birthday song begins, his face turns ashen. When the song ends, his breath shortens. His eyes widen with fear when he hears one voice, Trent, thanking his guest. A woman’s well manicured hand cocks a gun, holds it at her side, but places her other hand on the back of Robert’s neck. It is Lydia, Trent’s wife. She whispers into Robert’s ear. [low self-esteem]

LYDIA [uncertainty/hope]: Do what Trent said . . . perform.

Robert continues listening through the door.

TRENT [intrigue]: Thank you. Everyone. Thanks. All of you. When I was young, I dreamed of giving to friends and family . . . never knew I’d be able to give so much. Yes, this is my birthday, but the surprise is how much I love each of you. Each of you have only added to my life. Humbly, your happiness is my joy. [He pretends he is wealthy to get people to do the things he wants – at their expense.]

Robert gives Lydia a nod. He quickly wipes his face and switches to a well practiced smile as he swings open the door. Robert steps his left foot through the doorway keeping his right foot concealed behind the wall by casually leaning in the doorway. [smooth]

ROBERT [surprise]: True! Everyone adds to his life! A kindness, a friendship . . . cash.

The birthday crowd chuckles along. Trent discretely locks eyes with Robert who seems to be relaxing into an amused attitude. [gregarious]

ROBERT: Feels like a natural dynamic tonight. Doesn’t it? He invites. We give.

Birthday crowd laughs aloud. Robert casually winks at Trent. [smooth]

ROBERT: But what are birthdays if not for payback? Mrs. Anderson, is this picture frame really department store or is it thrift store?

Robert is amused as shame creeps over Mrs. Anderson’s face as the crowd chortles.

ROBERT: Ah, my gift. A tie re-gifted from me after John re-gifted from Sean who re-gifted it from Susie. Hold on! Susie’s giving Sean ties? Now that’s a birthday surprise for any husband. Right, Norm.

As Robert points from the tie to John to Sean to Susie and to Susie’s husband, Norm, he is genuinely entertained to watch Susie and Norm exchange anxious glances under the pressure of all eyes on them.

NORM: Apparently I’m no tie picker. No one wants it!

Norm and Susie nervously laugh along with the crowd as if it is only a joke. [Robert loves creating gossip about other people and watching it take them down.]

ROBERT: Except Trent!

Crowd redirects laughter from the defaced couple to Trent who fake laughs with the rest as his jaw becomes clinched. [Robert is exposing Trent’s gifts to be cheap leftovers]

ROBERT: But enough friendly roasting. You’re the man of the hour. Hears to your happiness. Hears to true friendship.

TRENT [intrigue]: Wonderful surprise you are! Excuse me for a moment.

The room joins in with cheers and resumes festivities as Trent happily makes his way towards Robert. The door closes. Trent locks it. The chain secured from a post to Robert’s right ankle drags across the floor as he returns to the only chair in the room that is placed against the wall beneath a large decorative mirror.

TRENT [major twist]: Good show. Everyone saw him. [conspiring]

Trent grabs the gun and brushes past his wife who retreats to the corner.

ROBERT [uncertainty/hope]: I did what you asked. But then everyone does, don’t they? . . . You have a way out.

TRENT [uncertainly/fear]: No, you have a way out because you are my way in. [aggressive]

ROBERT [uncertainty/hope]: Buddy. I’m on your side. We’re friends. We’ve always been friends. Always. You don’t have to do this. [smooth]

Trent’s fists tighten and his face turns red. He leans pointing the gun into Robert’s face and hissing in a low whisper.

TRENT [character changes radically]: Not enough! Friends give! You’re gonna give! [aggressive]

Trent meticulously wipes the gun clean and places it in his suit pocket. He takes zips ties from his pant pocket and secures Robert’s ankles to the front legs of the chair. Lydia removes the shackle from Robert’s ankle and the chain from around the post. She coils the chain in the corner. With a superior look, Trent pulls a pouch from his other suit pocket and drizzles a black powder in a circle on the floor around the chair. Robert watches intensely as the circle is fully completed. [meticulous]

ROBERT [suspense]: I hope you get want you want. What you deserve. If it all works out. [secretive]

Lydia and Robert exchange a clandestine glance before Lydia leaves the room. The door is locked. Trent takes a moment. Admiring his image in the mirror, he checks his hair and mustache. He straightens his expensive suit.

TRENT [suspense]: Oh, it will. And you’re gonna love the view. [conspiring]

ROBERT [suspense]: I only told you to warn you. To keep you safe. Keep you free. That’s all. No one should do this. [secretive]

Trent pulls a box from the corner and evenly places candles into the black powder. Excitedly, Trent lights the candles. Sitting on the floor outside the circle, Trent smiles menacingly up into Robert’s face. Robert is motionless. Trent strikes a match.

TRENT [betrayal]: What’s yours is now mine.

Trent ignites the black powder that begins burning its way around the circle counter-clockwise. A muffled screeching is heard as a black mist bulges from the mirror and descends as a thick fog to fill the room – everywhere except inside the circle where Robert is seated.

ROBERT [betrayal]: I am so sorry. [smooth]

The dark entities press Trent onto his back. Trent opens his mouth in terror, but not sound escapes. The black mist pours into Trent’s mouth and his body begins to rise from the floor. Trent’s body violently slams into the ceiling and then instantly dropped halfway down. Suspended in mid-air, Trent is bait for demons that now attack. Bones crack. Blood gushes from Trent’s eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. Robert averts his eyes and a smile of duper’s delight begins in the corners of his mouth. Robert watches the fire complete the circle and extinguish itself. No trace of the black powder remains. The room is silenced with Trent’s broken body still suspended above the floor. The only sound is Trent’s quiet, ragged breath.

ROBERT [surprise]: Release me!

The zip ties break. Robert calmly walks over to Trent.

ROBERT [major twist]: I now possess you. Body, soul, and all you took from me! [smooth, secretive]

Robert breaths in deeply. The dark midst wraps around Trent like a cloak of darkness and then flows into Robert’s mouth. Robert likes it. Trent’s body becomes ash that falls to the floor as his life’s essence is consumed. With a deeply satisfied swallow, Robert raises his hand and stirs the air above the ashes. The ash rises into a miniature cyclone. When all the ash is gathered, Robert flings it into the mirror. It is followed by the dark midst of demons that race back into the mirror after it.

The mirror ices over. Robert struts over in front of the mirror as the mirror quickly defrosts from top to bottom. Instead of Robert’s reflection, battered and bruised Trent is looking out of the mirror in terror. Robert postures in mock apology.

ROBERT [surprise]: I am so sorry that you get what you intended for me. [secretive]

Robert places his hand on the center of the mirror. His body transforms into the perfect image of Trent. Robert winks and smiles at Trent who stares back in disbelief.

ROBERT [intrigue]: You’re gonna love the view. [smooth]

Robert takes a key from his pant pocket. He unlocks the door and leaves the back room to rejoin the birthday party. The door closes and is locked from the outside. Trent inside the mirror pounds his fist on the inside of the mirror in unbridled rage.

Hours later, party sounds diminish. All is quiet. The back door connecting the back room to the alley opens and an expensive car is seen with the trunk open. Robert, looking like Trent enters the room with a dark sheet. Robert places his hand in the center of the mirror and transforms back into the image of Robert. He is followed by Lydia.

ROBERT [uncertainty/fear]: How’d I do? [low self-esteem]

LYDIA [mislead/reveal]: Wonderfully.

Trent is stunned, but observant. Robert covers the mirror with the sheet and takes the mirror from off the wall while Lydia returns the candles to the box along with the chain and zip ties leaving no evidence in the room. They carry the mirror and box to the trunk of the car. They close the trunk. They close the back door. The back door is locked. All that remains in the room is the chair.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leah Max Interest Part 1

Logline: Celebration becomes an ass-kicking.
Essence: Trent thrives on manipulating others for monetary gain; it’s payback time.
Interest Techniques: (I tried to use most of them, but not really sure if I actually convey them.)

Back Room Scene [suspense]: In a dimly lit room, Robert, presses his ear against the door. His forehead breaks out in a sweat as he hears the mingle of celebratory music and happy voices. When the happy birthday song begins, his face turns ashen. When the song ends, his breath shortens. His eyes widen with fear when he hears one voice, Trent, thanking his guest. A woman’s well manicured hand cocks a gun, holds it at her side, but places her other hand on the back of Robert’s neck. It is Lydia, Trent’s wife. She whispers into Robert’s ear. [low self-esteem]

LYDIA [uncertainty/hope]: Do what he said . . . perform.

Robert continues listening through the door.

TRENT [intrigue]: Thank you. Everyone. Thanks. All of you. When I was young, I dreamed of giving to friends and family . . . never knew I’d be able to give so much. Yes, this is my birthday, but the surprise is how much I love each of you. Each of you have only added to my life. Humbly, your happiness is my joy. [He pretends he is wealthy to get people to do the things he wants – at their expense.]

Robert gives Lydia a nod. He quickly wipes his face and switches to a well practiced smile as he swings open the door. Robert steps his left foot through the doorway keeping his right foot concealed behind the wall by casually leaning in the doorway. [smooth]

ROBERT [surprise]: True! Everyone adds to his life! A kindness, a friendship . . . cash.

The birthday crowd chuckles along. Trent discretely locks eyes with Robert who seems to be relaxing into an amused attitude. [gregarious]

ROBERT: Feels like a natural dynamic tonight. Doesn’t it? He invites. We give!

Birthday crowd laughs aloud. Robert casually winks at Trent. [smooth]

ROBERT: But what are birthdays if not for payback? Mrs. Anderson, is this picture frame really department story or is it thrift store?

Robert is amused as shame creeps over Mrs. Anderson’s face as the crowd chortles.

ROBERT: Ah, my gift! A tie re-gifted from me after John re-gifted from Sean who re-gifted it from Susie. Hold on! Susie’s giving Sean ties? Now that’s a birthday surprise for any husband! Right, Norm!

As Robert points from the tie to John to Sean to Susie and to Susie’s husband, Norm, he is genuinely entertained to watch Susie and Norm exchange anxious glances under the pressure of all eyes on them.

NORM: Apparently I’m no tie picker. No one wants it!

Norm and Susie nervously laugh along with the crowd as if it is only a joke. [Robert loves creating gossip about other people and watching it take them down.]

ROBERT: Except Trent!

Crowd redirects laughter from the defaced couple to Trent who fake laughs with the rest as his jaw becomes clinched. [Robert is exposing Trent’s gifts to be cheap leftovers]

ROBERT: But enough friendly roasting. You’re the man of the hour. Hears to your happiness. Hears to true friendship!

TRENT [intrigue]: Wonderful surprise you are! Excuse me for a moment.

The room joins in with cheers and resumes festivities as Trent happily makes his way towards Robert. The door closes. Trent locks it. The chain secured from a post to Robert’s right ankle drags across the floor as he returns to the only chair in the room that is placed against the wall beneath a large decorative mirror.

TRENT [major twist]: Good show. Everyone saw him! [conspiring]

Trent grabs the gun and brushes past his wife who retreats to the corner.

ROBERT [uncertainty/hope]: I did what you asked. But then everyone does, don’t they? . . . You have a way out.

TRENT [uncertainly/fear]: No, you have a way out because you are my way in. [aggressive]

ROBERT [uncertainty/hope]: Buddy. I’m on your side. We’re friends. We’ve always been friends. Always. You don’t have to do this. [smooth]

Trent’s fists tighten and his face turns red. He leans pointing the gun into Robert’s face and hissing in a low whisper.

TRENT [character changes radically]: Not enough! Friends give! You’re gonna give! [aggressive]

Trent meticulously wipes the gun clean and places it in his suit pocket. He takes zips ties from his pant pocket and secures Robert’s ankles to the front legs of the chair. Lydia removes the shackle from Robert’s ankle and from around the post. She coils the chain in the corner. With a superior look, Trent pulls a pouch from his other suit pocket and drizzles a black powder in a circle on the floor around the chair. Robert intensely watches as the circle is fully completed. [meticulous]

ROBERT [suspense]: I hope you get want you want. What you deserve. If it all works out. [secretive]

Lydia and Robert exchange a clandestine glance before Lydia leaves the room. The door is locked. Trent takes a moment. Admiring his image in the mirror, he checks his hair and mustache. He straightens his expensive suit.

TRENT [suspense]: Oh, it will. And you’re gonna love the view. [conspiring]

ROBERT [suspense]: I only told you to warn you. To keep you safe. Keep you free. That’s all. No one should do this. [secretive]

Trent pulls a box from the corner and evenly places candles into the black powder. Excitedly, Trent lights the candles. Sitting on the floor outside the circle, Trent smiles menacingly up into Robert’s face. Robert is motionless. Trent strikes a match.

TRENT [betrayal]: What’s yours is now mine!

Trent ignites the black powder that begins burning its way around the circle counter-clockwise! A muffled screeching is heard as a black mist bulges from the mirror and descends as a thick fog to fill the room – everywhere except inside the circle where Robert is seated.

ROBERT [betrayal]: I am so sorry. [smooth]

The dark entities press Trent onto his back. Trent opens his mouth in terror, but not sound escapes. The black mist pours into Trent’s mouth and his body begins to rise from the floor. Trent’s body violently slams into the ceiling and then instantly dropped halfway down. Suspended in mid-air, Trent is bait for demons that now attack. Bones crack. Blood gushes from Trent’s eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. Robert averts his eyes and a smile of duper’s delight begins in the corners of his mouth. Robert watches the fire complete the circle and extinguish itself. No trace of the black powder remains. The room is silenced with Trent’s broken body still suspended above the floor. The only sound is Trent’s quiet, ragged breath.

ROBERT [surprise]: Release me!

The zip ties break. Robert calmly walks over to Trent.

ROBERT [major twist]: I now possess you. Body, soul, and all you took from me! [smooth, secretive]

Robert breaths in deeply. The dark midst wraps around Trent like a cloak of darkness and then flows into Robert’s mouth. Robert likes it. Trent’s body becomes ash that falls to the floor as his life’s essence is consumed. With a deeply satisfied swallow, Robert raises his hand and stirs the air above the ashes. The ash rises into a miniature cyclone. When all the ash is gathered, Robert flings it into the mirror. It is followed by the dark midst of demons that race back into the mirror after it.

The mirror ices over. Robert struts over in front of the mirror as the mirror quickly defrosts from top to bottom. Instead of Roberts reflection, battered and bruised Trent is looking out of the mirror in terror. Robert postures in mock apology.

ROBERT [surprise]: I am so sorry that you get what you intended for me. [secretive]

Robert places his hand on the center of the mirror. His body transforms into the perfect image of Trent. Robert winks and smiles at Trent who stares back in disbelief.

ROBERT [intrigue]: You’re gonna love the view. [smooth]

Robert takes a key from his pant pocket. He unlocks the door and leaves the back room to rejoin the birthday party. The door closes and is locked from the outside. Trent inside the mirror pounds his fist on the inside of the mirror in unbridled rage.

Hours later, party sounds diminish. All is quiet. The back door connecting the back room to the alley opens and an expensive car is seen with the trunk open. Robert, looking like Trent enters the room with a dark sheet. Robert places his hand in the center of the mirror and transforms back into the image of Robert. He is followed by Lydia.

ROBERT [uncertainty/fear]: How’d I do? [low self-esteem]

LYDIA [mislead/reveal]: Wonderfully.

Trent is stunned, but observant. Robert covers the mirror with the sheet and takes the mirror from off the wall while Trent’s wife returns the candles to the box along with the chain and zip ties leaving no evidence in the room. They carry the mirror and box to the trunk of the car. They close the trunk. They close the back door. The back door is locked. All that remains in the room is the chair.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leah Max Interest Part 1

Logline: Celebration becomes an ass-kicking.
Essence: Trent thrives on manipulating others for monetary gain; it’s payback time.
Interest Techniques: suspense, surprise, uncertainty/fear, intrigue, betrayal, major twist, suprise

Back Room Scene: In a dimly lit room, Robert, presses his ear against the door. His forehead breaks out in sweat as he hears the mingle of celebratory music and happy voices. When the happy birthday song begins, his face turns ashen. When the song ends, his breath shortens. His eyes widen with fear when he hears one voice, Trent, thanking his guest.

TRENT: Thank you. Everyone. Thanks. All of you. When I was young, I dreamed of giving to friends and family . . . never knew I’d be able to give so much. Yes, this is my birthday, but the surprise is how much I love each of you. Each of you have only added to my life. Humbly, your happiness is my joy.

Robert quickly wipes his face and mechanically smiles as he swings open the door. Robert steps his left foot through the doorway keeping his right foot concealed behind the wall.

ROBERT: True, Trent! But me thinks thou dost protest too much. You are the man of hour, so let’s let this be your hour, or should I say our hour. Hears to Trent, our true friend!

TRENT: Robert! Didn’t know you could make it! Wonderful birthday surprise you are! Excuse me for a moment.

The room joins in with cheers and resumes festivities as Trent happily makes his way towards Robert. The door closes. Trent locks it. The chain shackled to Robert’s right ankle drags across the floor as he returns to the only chair in the room that is place against the wall beneath a large decorative mirror.

TRENT: Good show.

ROBERT: You have a way out.

TRENT: No, you have a way out because you are my way in.

ROBERT: Buddy. I’m on your side. We’re friends. We’ve always been friends. Always. You don’t have to do this.

Trent’s fists tighten and his face turns red. He leans into Robert’s face hissing in a low whisper.

TRENT: Not enough! Friends give! You’re gonna give!

Trent confidently takes zips ties from his pant pocket and secures Robert’s ankles to the front legs of the chair. With a superior look, Trent pulls a pouch from his other suit pocket and drizzles a black powder in a circle on the floor around the chair. Robert intensely watches as the circle is fully completed.

ROBERT: So sorry. I am so sorry.

Trent takes a moment to admire his image in the mirror.

TRENT: You’re gonna love the view.

ROBERT: I only told you to warn you. To keep you safe. Keep you free. That’s all.

Trent pulls a box from the corner and evenly places candles into the black powder. Excitedly, Trent lights the candles and turns off the light. Sitting on the floor outside the circle, Trent smiles menacingly up into Robert’s face. Robert is motionless. Trent strikes a match.

TRENT: What is yours is now mine . . . meaning I now possess you!

Trent ignites the black powder and begins burning its way around the circle counter-clockwise! A muffled screeching is heard as a black mist bulges from the mirror and descends to fill the room – everywhere except inside the circle where Robert is seated.

ROBERT: I am so sorry!

The dark entities press Trent onto his back. Trent opens his mouth in terror, but not sound escapes. The black mist pours into Trent’s mouth and his body begins to rise from the floor. Trent’s body is pressed up and drug along the ceiling and then suspended mid air for the demons to attack. Bones crack. Blood gushes from Trent’s eyes, mouth, nose, and ears. Robert averts his eyes and a smile of duper’s delight begins in the corners of his mouth. Robert watches the fire complete the circle and extinguish itself. The room is silenced with Trent’s broken body still suspended above the floor. The only sound is Trent’s quiet, ragged breath.

ROBERT: Release me!

The midst of evil obeys and loosens the zip ties and shackle. Robert calmly walks over to Trent.

ROBERT: I now possess you. Body, soul, and all you took from me!

Robert breaths in deeply. The dark midst wraps around Trent and flows into Robert’s mouth. Robert likes it. Trent’s body turns to ash that falls to the floor as his life’s essence is consumed. Robert stirs the air above the ashes. The ash rises into a miniature cyclone. When all the ash is gathered, Robert flings it into the mirror. It is followed by the dark midst of demons that race back into the mirror after it.

The mirror ices over. Robert struts over in front of the mirror as the mirror quickly defrosts from top to bottom. Instead of Roberts reflection, we see Trent looking out of the mirror in terror.

ROBERT: I love watching your own words take you down. So sorry, but I do!

Robert places his hand on the center of the mirror. His body transforms into the perfect image of Trent. Robert winks at Trent who stares back in disbelief.

ROBERT: You’re gonna love the view.

Robert leaves the back room and rejoins the birthday party. The door closes and is locked from the outside. Trent inside the mirror pounds his fist on the inside of the mirror in rage.

Party sounds diminish. All is quiet. The back door to the room opens. Robert, looking like Trent enters the room with a dark sheet. Robert places his hand in the center of the mirror and transforms back into the image of Robert. Trent is stunned, but observant. Robert covers the mirror with the sheet and takes the mirror from off the wall while Trent’s wife returns the candles to the box along with the broken chain and zip ties leaving no evidence in the room. They carry the mirror and box out of the room locking the door behind them. All that remains in the room is the chair.

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[Leah Gunderson]

It’s a start, but I haven’t really accomplished what the assignment is asking me to.

[Leah Gunderson]

Title: Leah’s Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to use each scene to offer a visceral and fascinating experience that hold attention of reader/actors/audience while moving the plot forward. Interest Techniques are not tricks. They are part of the storytelling craft and components of storytelling can be learned as processes.

Script I Choose: Julie

Logline: Julie gets high on meth before Amber goes to her school’s talent show.
Essence: Julie loves her daughter, but loves meth more.
Interest Techniques: uncertainty/hope, uncertainly/fear, suspense, character changes radically, reveal

Set Up for Assignment (not written this way in script, but this is what is known before this scene): Julie dresses urgently before her daughter, Amber, wakes up. She needs a fix. She needs a lot of fixes. There are so many things that need fixing in her life. She knows the list by heart and her daughter always comes first – at least this is what Julie tells herself. The torn backpack for 5th grade, a missing sneaker, the leaking water heater for hot baths, and always food. To get through she just needs a fix at the start of the day. Before leaving the bedroom, Julie pauses beside the bed and tenderly pulls the green blanket up to cover her daughter’s shoulders.

Back Porch Scene:

In the early spring morning Julie hears the soft twitter of birds and watches one rearranging its nest. She reclines on the back porch swing and takes a glass pipe out from under her bra.

JULIE (whispering to herself): Moms tidy up. Moms clean up . . .

Julie runs a finger lightly over her front teeth to the left side and stops at the annoying gap.

JULIE (speaking to God): I’m not stupid. I’m not unaware.

Julie takes a lighter out of her pocket, warms up her pipe, smokes meth, and gets high. Amber appears in the doorway and freezes.

JULIE: Ya know what Grandma used to say? . . .Oh, come on. It’s funny.

Julie coaxes Amber to join her on the porch swing. Amber holds her breath while sadly taking in the full picture of her mother as she cautiously sits on the swing.

JULIE: Never mix Clorox with ammonia. Ha, that’s what she’d say! It’ll hurt your singing lungs.

AMBER: Yeah, Mom. My talent show’s today.

Julie becomes agitated and begins pointing to the content of her pipe in an exaggerated manner.

JULIE: Amber! I just need a minute with this “fertilizer”! Ya know what else Grandma would say?

Amber shakes her head “no” as tears start falling down her cheeks, but she tries to hide them from her mom. Amber is starting to get cold.

JULIE: Those roses just need a moment with a little fertilizer. There’ll be blossoms like the 4th of July!

When Julie gleefully kicks out her legs to imitate exploding fireworks, Amber sees that her mom has pissed herself. Amber begins shaking and doesn’t know what to do.

AMBER: Mom, can you stand up? We need to get ready.

JULIE: What? We’ve got us a mystery! How did all those days of scrubbing Grandma’s floors and blooming roses get all mixed up into this glass pipe? Time for chores, Amber!

Amber’s anger erupts as she throws a hardened glare at Julie.

AMBER: Whose chores, Mom? Who does the cleaning?

JULIE: Amber! I’m trying to clean up!

AMBER (speaking to God): I’m not stupid! I know what other moms are like!

In a panic, Julie’s attempt to sprint for the door results in her stumbling out of the porch swing and landing hard on her belly still clutching the pipe.

JULIE (whispering): Who’s here? Is there someone else here? Right now?

Amber looks down at her mom. She furiously kicks the pipe out of her mother’s hand. Julie crawls to get it back, but Amber is quicker. Amber grabs the pipe and throws it into the neighbor’s backyard. Julie instantly searches her bra and is confused to be without her pipe.

JULIE: Why?

AMBER: Time for my talent show. You coming?

Julie watches Amber stomp into the house. Julie looks at the neighbor’s backyard. Julie notices her soiled sweatpants when she stands up and looks for Amber to reappear in the doorway. Julie pauses for a moment. Looking over her shoulder, Julie sneaks across the backyard, pulls herself to the top of the neighbor’s fence, and drop down out of sight into the neighbor’s backyard.

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[Leah Gunderson]

Leah Profiles People

What I’ve learned to improve my writing is that I need to treat all characters like real people and to profile them with extreme traits.

Person 1 – Someone I really like whose overriding need is to do the “right” thing:

1. Honest in emotions, words, behaviors, and intent.
2. Funny sense of humor that stems from genuine personality without making anyone the joke.
3. Stubbornness drives to completion of plans (even if should’ve stopped or changed plans).
4. Fearful of future via belief that something external is still needed to be safe and secure.

*I was wrong. She is after approval.

Person 2 – Someone I really don’t like whose overriding need is to manipulate:

1. Publicly purports to have qualities to gain followers, but knows the qualities are a charade.
2. Outwardly anodyne to gain trust while fleecing others for personal information and fears.
3. Triangulates relationships and then “helps out” to solve the relationship “problems”.
4. Constantly alert to threats via new people or surprise situations that may expose culpability.

*I was wrong. He is after control for monetary gain.

Person 3 – Someone I really admire whose overriding need is growth to greater maturity:

1. Reflective of daily experiences with a resilient tolerance fostering love of self and others.
2. Sincerely seeks for opportunities to make personal, fundamental changes as needed.
3. Knows to affirm extremes emotions and to route these into useful actions and expressions.
4. Has chosen to truthfully settle up with what life demands while placing concepts of self within the optimism of personal determination and agency, but there are negativities in life that will never change and these can be very difficult to accept and difficult to manage because these can bring deep shocks of sorrow.

*I was right and wrong. He is after wisdom obtained through personal maturity.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leah Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is to really work my outlines. I can create independent outlines for concept (written and visual), story, character, situation, action, and dialogue until I am very clear about the essence of each track. This means I must truly comprehend the relationships between these tracks to create a substantial foundation for the script that is consistently riveted on the concept I promise to deliver to my audience.

After a foundation is structured beneath the surface, then it’s time to compose the scene list (not the scenes). For how I think, I’m finding myself creating new components and ideas that grow from this sorting and shuffling back and forth between the outlines and the scene list and what I thought was the concept. If I stay with the process, then each scene can begin to organically grow from many useful options with which to deliberately express specific aspects of the essence via essential scenes.

Script I choose: MinMin

Scene 1 Location: Beginning of Act 1
Logline: Ainsley, a beautiful Australian half-Aboriginal woman, is diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor and fears for her son’s future.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ainsley doubts she can offer a meaningful inheritance to her son.
New Logline: Ainsley stares at an MRI of her terminal brain tumor.

Scene 2 Location: End of Act 1
Logline: Ainsley encounters the MinMin phenomenon
Essence I’ve discovered: Ainsley is spiritually awakened.
New Logline: MinMin transport Ainsley to a spiritual realm in which songlines are visible.

Scene 3 Location: Midpoint
Logline: Ainsley’s knows her dysfunctional family will destroy Oliver.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ainsley realizes the real cancer is a narcissistic family system.
New Logline: Ainsley begins teaching Oliver how to be independently healthy.

Scene 4 Location: Plot Point
Logline: Ainsley is willing to loose everything to gain everything for Oliver.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ainsley heals/releases all emotional traumas making her untouchable.
New Logline: Ainsley out maneuvers her duplicitous family by connecting with her songline and disconnecting from them.

Scene 5 Location: Closing Scene
Logline: Connecting Oliver with his songline is everything he needs for the rest of his life.
Essence I’ve discovered: Personal peace is the inheritance Ainsley gives to her son.
New Logline: Oliver is connected to his harmonious songline and he is protected in life even though his mother died.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
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[Leah Gunderson]

3rd Post – Breakthrough

This is a creation myth.

Death by brain tumor involves hallucinations. The unique situation is that hallucinations can toy with spiritual phenomenon, gaslighting, and question maintaining authority of one’s narrative/reality AND narcissistic abuse does the same thing.

So, Ainsley must out think both hallucinations and narcissistic abuse even as she is literally losing her mind if she is to save her son.

Now I have a parallel construction at play. I think I found the string with which to pull the tension of the story! This isn’t the story nor is it the conflict. Just the story’s tension.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
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[Leah Gunderson]

4th Post – Breakthrough

It’s not a new ideas to me that my storytelling will be more powerful by knowing the relationships between the tracks, but I haven’t known how to do this. It is not just “weaving” and it is more than juxtapositions and more than building blocks. It is authentic. Authentic essence.

This breakthrough is perceiving that the essence of each track (story, characters, situations, action, etc.) with all of those scenes makes it possible to know and build “relationships” between the tracks. That why my recent discovery of how to pull the story’s tension is so important to me.

Of course, various genres and action have obvious relationships. A romcom (genre) isn’t going to start with a femme fatal murdering (action) the love interest – no “meet cute” after that! But now I understand better how to use poetic elements such as meter, tension, character traits, etc. as relational epoxies the require the tracks to get tighter and tighter until it is inevitable that either the story will overcome the protag or the protag will overcome the story.

In other word, the subtleties just may very well be in the relationships between the tracks (embedded in the story structure) giving impactful places for story tension, tone, character traits, cadence, and essence to live and breath into subtext while the larger elements are blatantly doing their jobs. Not really sure how to articulate this, but I know this is what I have needed. It seemed out of reach before and has really been a quandary to me. Now it very simple and clear. Hard. . . still hard to do. But not overwhelming because I can see it and feel it.

I think these “relationships” between the tracks is what makes “The Hunger Games” and Handmaid’s Tale” solid stories that have to be told as movies. I realize these are novels. But what I mean is these scripts were written in ways that these scripts have to be movies and nothing else.

For example, the anodyne game show host asks the anodyne game maker (visual situation) what makes his work standout and immediately we hear terror in a scream (auditory situation)! That is a relationship between the two tracks that is used for the entire series – what we see doesn’t match what we are hear (aka nothing is as it seems). This relationship creates subtext and it is the string that teases the tension throughout all of the movies.

Or with Handmaid, euphemisms such as “Praise be” (dialogue) relentlessly throws punches before and after bloody violence (genre, action). Again this is not a one time juxtaposition or a ploy. It is the essence of the relation between dialogue and genre/action for the entire series. So, when in the last episode Serena decides upon a smile and warmly asks “You got a diaper?”, June’s intensity makes sense and we know why June is cringing with suppressed rage. Dialogue is polite; action is volatile. The relationship between the dialogue and the action is consistent throughout the series and this relationship is the string that pulls the tension. It’s not the conflict. It is more like the test of how many abusive hits a beam can take before it breaks. Its the visceral tension and it is written via the relationship established between the function of the dialogue and the genre/action.

I am on to something and I know it (although I’m sure many of you have already figured this out). The tracks – at the structural level – must have relationships that exist because of their essence and these tracks must be driven by the needed expressions of their essence.

Now I just need to take a month off from work to practice this.

Anyone want to donate vacation time?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
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[Leah Gunderson]

2nd Post – Breakthrough

I believe the following is closer to the essence of this story.

It is just an idea spoken by a narrator (at least this is what I am hearing):

“In the Dreamtime, the creator appeared and raised vast lands from salt water. On solid earth dreams moved to and fro creating spirits for all things. One web of harmonious songlines connected all so that these beings could always find each other with appreciative understandings.

But when songlines are forgotten, many become strangers to themselves. Wanderers in lives overshadowed by competitions already lost to discord.”

In this story, the forlorn hero must overcome this estrangement caused by discord and remember who she is by reclaiming her songline in the web of life.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leah Gunderson Finds the Essence

If the easiest way for a producer to solve production problems is by changing the writing, then the easiest way to change the writing is by changing the outline. What I learned is that my scene lists for plot planning can free my creativity for greater flexibility to maximize the entertainment if I know the essence of each scene that layers up from story, character, challenging situations, action, and dialogue. This creates greater interest and subtext with which to rivet audiences to the story through visceral experiences. For me, this is how I can begin mastering the concept that “there is more depth to great writing and it all starts with getting to the essence of what you want to write.”

Script I choose: Big Fish

Scene 1 Location: Beginning of Act 1
Logline: Edward Bloom is bigger than life and full of hyperbole. His son, Will, no longer enjoys the stories.
Essence: Will’s view of his father has grown to disbelief with a distrustful view that his father is simply a liar who demands the spotlight of every social exchange – leaving Will alone in the dark.

Scene 2 Location: End of Act 1
Logline: Edward who is now a young man and Karl, the giant, decide to leave town.
Essence: Edward’s hometown is too small for his large ambitions.

Scene 3 Location: Midpoint
Logline: Edward, as a young man, is in earnest for the name and location of his future wife.
Essence: Edward is discovering his own sexuality; the beast he must tame before he is worthy of Sandra Templeton.

Scene 4 Location: Plot Point
Logline: Edward buys a home for his wife and son. It is in this home that Edward is dying.
Essence: Edward loves his wife and son. Sandra was and always will be Edward’s true love. Edward is the love of Sandra’s life and she is grieving his imminent death.

Scene 5 Location: Closing Scene
Logline: Will has taught Edward’s life stories to his son.
Essence: Will knows the meaning of and value of Edward’s bigger-than-life stories and loves for his son to know them because Will has learned the value of using symbolisms and hyperboles to tell truths through storytelling. Will loves his father. He now believes in Edward and can understand the reasons for accepting his father as a fat and happy immortalized catfish; the big fish who was never merely a mortal man.

My selection for most profound essence: Reveal After the Funeral

EXT. Cemetery – DAY (Later)

After the service, we see the crowd gathered in small groups. By the laughter and hand gestures, we can see they’re telling stories. They’re telling Edward’s stories. We find Will watching them.

Will (V.O.)

Have you ever heard a joke so many times you’ve forgotten why it’s funny? But then you hear it again and suddenly it’s new. You remember why you loved it in the first place.

Will joins in , laughing.

The Essence: Will remembers why he loved his father in the first place. Son is able to make his peace with his deceased father. Will can now be happy. Will’s heart and mind and life is healed.

Why I believe that is the essence: Will accepts his father and his father’s death because he finally understands Edward as a truthful orator rather than a liar. He discovered his father to be capable of loving the uniqueness of each person as valuable characters in his extraordinary life with celebration and a warm embrace of belonging with the intent of being remembered. Because of gaining this understanding of his father, Will finally understands himself. Will’s own life with his wife and child can now make sense. Will is at ease in his relationship with his father because now he knows who his father was . . . a Big Fish.

What I learned: Essence probably needs to be understood from the very start. What is the movie’s logline? If I really know this, then I can know the essence for the entire script and for each scene – the first person I’m pitching to is myself. Powerful coherence and continuity can be sorted out with the outlines creating essence for story, character, situations, and action before scenes are even written. The scene list can be recreated in many ways that modify the outlines and vice versa to explore the best expressions of essence that is going to engage the audience because the story itself is incredibly engaging.

https://johnaugust.com/downloads_ripley/big-fish.pdf

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
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[Leah Gunderson]

Leah, you are amazing – even if I do say so myself.

[Leah Gunderson]

Hello. This is Leah Gunderson. I have bunch of unfinished scripts. There are 15 of them. But no bragging rights there because I don’t think any my “scripts” are ready for market.

Honestly, I don’t really think I have been ready for me to step into that world – hence the many unfinished scripts. But I’m ready now. It’s not like I just woke up today and decided to be a screen writer. Even as a young girl, I’ve always written. I’ve always felt the presence of my audiences. However, in the last several months it is like I have awakened and realized that I’ve been preparing to be a writer for a very long time. Today, I am a writer. I’d like to share my stories with each of you.

Feedback. I want feedback from this class regarding my creative mastery.

I tend to think I am like everyone else. I admire people. Regular people are beautiful and fascinating. Uniquely, I’ve a high capacity for work. A really high capacity. I suppose it is because it feels good to my soul to solve things. Screenplays are great puzzles to sort out – well more like the way you puzzle over a poem. I think of each screenplay as one big poem.

I didn’t really intend for my scripts to be a conversation between me and my son about my life experiences and personal values I wish for him to contemplate. However, this is what they are. I enjoy hearing his thoughts and experiencing the expressions of his feelings. He reads and listens to me read my scripts. We talk. Then he usually writes a song or two on his guitar. This is special to me because I love my son and he loves me.

Strange? Well compared to the World Economic Forum can anything really be considered stranger than the rationale of “You’ll own nothing and you’ll be happy” by some global decree? I think our world has become strange. Untethered from it’s own humanity and lost in rationales that lack the requirement of reason to be rooted in healthy historical contexts. It’s like this closing of 3, 000 farms in Holland while claiming a mysterious food shortage – Stalin already tried that one. Don’t really like Stalin. Not a very good legacy left by him no matter how many statues of himself he imposed. But for some people there’s no time like the present to take up a dictatorship. It is strange to think that Charles Schwab may already have his bald image immortalized a top a 12 feet high bronze statue and yet, not one ordinary citizen will ever want it . . . or him. . . to be part of personal, everyday transactions and whereabouts.

Unusual? It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone. It’s not unusual to have fun with anyone . . . Tom Jones, baby! Maybe I’ll write a script about Tom Jones because now that I think about it, that song has a lot of codependency in it. Poor old Tommy. I really don’t want to see him cry. But I do think a lot of people do carry tremendous quantities of silenced sorrows and shame. And I do believe that stories can reach deep inside each person in each audience and bring light to those dark corridors of the heart from which a kind of flavor can be distilled. A healing tincture. An extract of joy. This is why stories are importantly powerful and fun. The Greeks got it right. The catharsis of stories can connect with emotions of pathos, logos, ethos and so much more.

I want to write many great stories. But it wouldn’t be for a catchy tune, a marble statue, acquisition of power and wealth, and not even to persuade my own son to my way of thinking. It would be for the conversation of important feedback moving in the ebb and flow of agreeing and disagreeing by way puzzling with reason, wisdom, and real experiences. Honest responses to my honest efforts in striving to live my life as a regular woman who can work really hard while hoping to do a lot of good.

[Leah Gunderson]

Title: Eagles (The eagle is the strongest and bravest of all birds. For this reason, Native Americans have chosen the eagle and its feathers as <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>a symbol of what is highest, bravest, strongest and holiest. In the Native American culture, eagle feathers are given to another in honor, and the feathers are worn with dignity and pride. (Googled reference). These personal qualities are the opposite of the racist stereotypes imposed upon these teens in the movie.

Main Characters: Darryl Pikyavit (hero) and Mike Smith (villain)

What I Learned: I couldn’t resist applying the “fill in the blanks” to 15 other scripts I have drafted and I learned a lot. Then I just had to watch several movies to see if what I thought I learned can actually be seen in produced movies. I did!

When the Hero’s unique skill set, motivation, and secret or wound are something physical (filmable) it is easier to use that the subplots as extensions of the Hero’s flaws (codependent, maladaptive behaviors), unknown strengths (overcoming coping mechanisms), possibilities (new systems of living). Same for the villain. If the core component of the hero and villain are filmable and physical, then it is easier to use the subplots as symbols that explore the main characters’ maladaptive coping mechanisms. This drives the story forward because codependent, maladaptive coping mechanisms center around power struggles. So, this is how really effective movies give depth and meaning to the conflict. I never saw it this clearly.

Concept:

Hero Morally Right: Maturity brings independence.<div>

Villain Morally Wrong: Childfication requires a parent to manage them and their immaturity.

Hero

A. Unique Skill Set: Water Polo</div><div>

B. Motivation: Statue of a “Noble Native” (mythical)

C. Secret or Wound: Dad (hero is ashamed of his father)

Villain

A. Unbeatable: Legal Resources to Persecute and Control False Narrative (law, police, DCFS, school counselor, etc.)</div><div>

B. Plan/Goal: Mike wants to make Darryl dependent on him to control him.

C. What they lose if Hero survives: The principle and vice principle will be defaced and loss public trust.

Impossible Mission

A. Puts Hero in Action: Affidavit</div><div>

B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: Legends coming Alive & Legal System

C. Destroy the Villain: Legal accusations denied and dismissed

How to Write it Better

Tell us your improved answers: I need to make the component physical objects. And the story needs to have authentic reasons for the physical objects selected.

Marketable Components for EAGLES

Logline: A Paiute prophet, Wavoka, sees the future of four falsely accused Paiute teens fighting for control of their modern lives, while ancient legends awaken to test their manhood and value to their ancestors.

A. Unique: Need for Native American actors. Elevates contemporary teens above stereotypes of their future on a rez.

B. Great Title: Eagles. The eagle is the strongest and bravest of all birds. For this reason, Native Americans have chosen the eagle and its feathers as a symbol of what is highest, bravest, strongest and holiest. In the Native American culture, eagle feathers are given to another in honor, and the feathers are worn with dignity and pride (Google). These personal qualities are the opposite of the racist stereotypes imposed upon these teens in the movie.

C. True: Based on Paiute teens who ran away when falsely accused of vandalizing a vending machine at the local high school.

D. Timely: Young men of all ethnicities need to believe they can be good men, husbands, and fathers who are successful providers for their families.

E. It’s a First: Ghost Dance applied to prophetic fulfillment via time travel to the modern rising generation is a first.

F. Ultimate: Ancient v. Modern

G: Wide Audience Appeal: Target Audience 18-60 year olds

H. Adapted from Popular Book: n/a

I. Similar Box Office Successes: Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief (gross profit of $226+ million)/ Whale Rider (gross profit of $41 million)

J. A Great Role for Bankable Actor: Forrest Goodluck and D;Pharaoh Woon-A-Tai

Brainstorm:

I know this will take longer, I am learning a lot by comparing multiple drafts with each other when I attempt each lesson because it forces me to differentiate each genre with the different story beats and intended emotionality expressed through very different physical objects. So, I feel like I need to do this. I am seeing that these different drafts are about my life hidden behind the safety of fiction, but fully expressed in the emotionality. The comparison is forcing me to make each story (life experience) separate and unique as fictitious exteriors with real interiors. I guess what is happening is that I can tell when I am getting it “right” when I feel that the story holds the potential to change me. If I can accomplish this with each script, then perhaps my scripts could offer audiences the potential of change for themselves as well.

</div>

[Leah Gunderson]

Ok. Third times the charm (I’m racing to get caught up).

Most Attractive Action: The legends are REAL!

Most meaning to theme: The boys become solid men. They make the transition into adulthood.

[Leah Gunderson]

Oops. Here are the conventions:

Hero: Underdogs and Reluctant Heroes

Demand For Action: Out running the law while being tested by awakened Native American legends.

Mission: Escape legal, false accusations and disempowerments of modern life while establishing themselves as mature men full of tribal heritage, beliefs, and values.

A<font face=”inherit”>ntagonist: High school counselors, principal, sheriff, and psychiatrist with colonization mind-sets </font>assimilation<font face=”inherit”> into the dominant society.</font>

<font face=”inherit”>Escalating Action: Decisive actions of enemies necessitates demonstrations of defensive skills beginning with running to use of </font>weaponry in city an desert settings.

[Leah Gunderson]

Genre: Action/Coming of Age

Title: Eagles

Concept: A Paiute prophet sees the future of four Falsely accused Paiute teens fighting for control of their modern lives, while ancient legends awaken to test their readiness of transitioning into manhood.

Most Attractive: The boys become men who can navigate the modern landscape.

Marketing Targets (five tiers):

1. I need to work out my scripts until they change me. Enlighten my son. Inspire my friends.

2. I must write scripts that are visceral to directors, actors, producers, and audiences.

3. For actors, offer Oscar worthy characters.

4. For directors, offer scripts with dramatic and artistic components to be further refined by their vision and leadership.

5. For producers, align scripts with budgetary constraints to protect potential profits.

What I Learned from Lesson 1

1. I am more capable than I know, but will always be learning how to visualize the telling of each story.

2. The more I enjoy creating, the harder I work. The harder I work, the more failure I’ll experience. But discarding failed attempts requires greater innovation and this will make the finished product very satisfying.

[Leah Gunderson]

Hello,

I had a number of delays in October and I am starting the lessons today.

My name is Leah.

If written about ten scripts at a hobby/experiential level. These exercises have taught me that I have the stamina and commitment to get from the beginning to the end. More importantly as I study my amateur attempts, I can see gaps in my knowledge and skill of the craft.

Hoping this class will teach me how to deepen my knowledge of the action genre and my skill in creating visceral experiences for anyone who reads my scripts and watches movies created from my scripts.

Something unique about me is that I gave my friend a wall for Christmas. I didn’t think of it like that and neither did my friend as we were just thinking about how to convert the space under the stairs into a playroom for kids. But when I told my son, he pointed out, “So, you gave her a wall for Christmas.” Indeed, I did – 2x4s, sheetrock, mud, etc. Yep, I gave my friend a wall for Christmas!

Looking forward to catching up and getting to know all of you!

Leah

[Leah Gunderson]

Hello,

I am just starting the course today and so I’ll be catching up.

I agree to the terms of this release form.

Thanks,

Leah Gunderson

[Leah Gunderson]

“Si vic pacem, para bellum.” – John Wick

[Leah Gunderson]

Scribere esse immortalem. Fabulam narrare!

[Leah Gunderson]

LOL. I did go easy on the blood. I thought of having vain Trent’s face scarred from being drug along the ceiling. This way it would be vexing to Trent the Scarred to have to look at Robert transform into Trent’s image san scars.

Then I thought of a Mel Brook’s comment that if your going to do Dracula you just needs tons and tons of blood. LOL

These aren’t vampires, but now I wonder how Robert is going to keep his demonic energies up.

Maybe I could go with what we see on the surface and expect (like an open flame, obvious power) but move it to the concealed burn (like a hot coal, hidden power), but then really ramp it up to some exertion or crisis that sparks a new capacity of evil (like a flint stone, elicited power that is the real core of this bad guy). And do this with Robert still suffering from low self-esteem, an ever burning weakness!!!!

[Leah Gunderson]

Yanni,

This is great! I like that the emotional range creates the ups and downs of the scene’s conflict that suggest a bigger conflict is going on.

I used to work at an Autism center that has sensory rooms. Very clever to flip such a happy space into a Pennywise kicks ass room. And it would be terrifying to get one’s ass kicked with blinking lights of all colors blinding your eyes and balancing pods putting you off kilter while tripping over large, oddly shaped foam pieces only to be beaten with rubber wrenches and to have this happen all the while with short, re-looping kiddie music tracks blaring in your ears!

Oh, don’t fences have gates? Door is to house as gate is to fence?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Oh, that’s good!!

I actually ended up with this genre because I was sick as hell and so I thought I’d put one of the characters in a kind of hell. LOL. I really don’t know much about writing horror.

I really appreciate all the suggestions from you, Jeremy, and Alfred.

Robert has the low self-esteem and so that is why I brought in Lydia so that she could give encouragement ( . . . but maybe she is really manipulation . . . ) and validation ( . . . but maybe her confirmation is really making Robert the scapegoat).

So I couldn’t really decide if Robert’s low self-esteem is a way of really hiding his dark-side power and maybe making another person culpable, a corroborator, or corrupt. Or is Lydia more powerful?

I think your right that is has to be Robert who demonstrates the “something” that would make the audience fear on Trent’s behalf. And I think I need the “something” that will make them fear on Robert’s behalf. Everyone’s chain needs to be yanked. . . Oh, it’s the CHAIN!!!! I can turn that into something.

[Leah Gunderson]

Lynn

This just keeps getting better. The first read I was thinking my way through the scene. On this round I am simply enjoying the visualization of the characters and setting. Big improvements.

[Leah Gunderson]

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David,

Such a fun scene. I could see each character in my mind.

[Leah Gunderson]

I really appreciate the feedback. I’ve never written a horror story with demonic possession. So, this genre is all new to me. I think this is too stiff and lacks overall mystery. As Alfred points out, I haven’t really decided on the setting. . . either way, it is fun to work with.

[Leah Gunderson]

I thought the same thing. Her stutter gives reason to feel her vulnerability and to want Robert to protect her.

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

You have great development with the Interest Techniques. You have created the story arc for the scene. Great work! Here are a few recommendations:

1. Getting to the Essence: I am curious to learn how you would articulate the essence of this scene:

• Men protect women
• Crime doesn’t pay
• Love rescues

2. Character Relationships: I look forward to seeing and hearing (not being told) more about these characters and witnessing their relationships with each other in terms of their traits and subtexts. For example, don’t tell me Trent is a coward, have Trent do something at the beginning to show me.

I believe that if you step back a little and really gain clarity on the essence that the process will be less complicated. You’ll feel it. See it. This will do the heavy lifting for you to let the characters show us who they are and how they relate to each other in ways that propel them to move through the story arc all the way to evil Trent’s arrest.

3. Story Structure and Genre: In some ways, right now you have Trent directing the 16 men and then you have Robert directing Trent. These are two halves of the story arc with Sheila at the midpoint. You’ve sorted out your story arc.

This is great because what you are setting up is power struggles with the winner being whoever gets Sheila. Trent is all powerful in the first half. Robert gets the power in the second half. You have the structure. Now show these power struggles through the dialogue and actions of all your characters. Show how Trent’s imposition of power is different from Robert’s presentation of power. Fabulous for an action genre! (It makes me think of scenes from James Bond.)

So, work within the context of an action genre. Populate your story arc with conventions required by the action genre along with the interest techniques. And show the extreme traits of your characters that force them to be at each other’s throats because of power struggles with poor Sheila always being put into jeopardy! And through that action and dialogue convince me of who is the villain, hero, and love interest because of what I experience in the scene.

Go for it!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

I’d be more than glad to exchange more detailed critiques.

I’ll go back to your posting and work through the processes we are learning. I’ll be comparing what presents in your posting with what presents in the process.

So, just a one-to-one comparison.

Hopefully, this may bring to the surface what is working really well for you and what else you might consider to make it even better!

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

This makes me want to get to know these characters better.

I like the organization that the interest techniques gives to the scene.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jeremy, the focused action moves the dialogue quickly.

Not much description is needed because the character traits, interest techniques, and subtext is convey via the action and dialogue.

Great read. Really enjoyed it.

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

I tended to go back and forth between my outline, the character traits, and the interest technique. Because this is about learning the process, I also bracketed these components in my posting to make it easier for me to track.

I can see that doing this from the very beginning – even at the initial outline level – will improve my writing. I’m pulling apart my other scripts as I go through these lessons. So, I have 15 scripts to practice with in terms of comparisons and contrasts for what does and does not work in terms of my creative mastery. And I’m using the comments I make to everyone else’s postings because I am learning from each one.

This is giving me a lot of practice with very clear guidelines. So, I am bracketing all over the place in my postings and private endeavors to make the process we are learning transparent and explicit until it becomes more of a habit (subconscious).

I really like the improvements you made in this posting. I’m beginning to feel the genre.

[Leah Gunderson]

Lynn,

I’m with you. Working more character traits into the dialogue improves the writing.

It seems to me that showing the character traits in actions leads to better ideas for dialogue. And vice versa. Showing character traits via dialogue leads to better ideas for actions.

It is really gratifying to see this process bring results. Truly reason to celebrate! For me, I’m finally mowing my lawn. LOL

[Leah Gunderson]

Brenda,

Your dialogue and action is so strong you don’t really need much description.

Giving beautiful Kimmie a stutters makes her more vulnerable and this underlines that her cousin, Robert, would be protective of her.

[Leah Gunderson]

Angelina,

This read is much smoother. Because the explanations are reduced, it is easier to stay involved with the dialogue and action.

[Leah Gunderson]

David, I really like it. Tight scene in terms of action and dialogue. With the setting being Lake Mead, I kept waiting for a dead body to be pulled from the lake or dumped into it!

[Leah Gunderson]

Beth, I can see the character traits and interest techniques your are using. Looking forward to your 2nd pass.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brian, I agree that character traits adds depths to the characters. Personally, I am still struggling to use dialogue to reveal those character traits/personalities.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brian, you can post and then edit the HTML tags out. After you’ve posted, just hover over the top right corner and you’ll see an ellipsis. Select Edit. Hope that helps.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Anna,

It feels like triangulation is happening. Robulus and Trentus each have a third party pulling at them making it harder for them to take each other down directly. I can see the character traits and interest techniques you are building on.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jack, nicely planned scene. Great set up for the ass-kicking 🙂

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

Fun read! Good example of integrating the outline/criteria into a scene.

[Leah Gunderson]

Yanni,

Really fun read. So far I think you present Robert’s low self-esteem better then anyone else. It pairs well with his relationship with preschoolers.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brenda,

This is really clear. I can track the character traits and interest techniques throughout.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jeremy,

This is a good example of how a writer’s confidence grows with the 2nd and 3rd passes.

Your first go at it has signs of figuring things out. Your writing became stronger and more succinct by your 3rd pass.

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

This is a good example of getting straight into the action.

[Leah Gunderson]

Lynn,

This is a good example of how to convert an outline into a scene. Thx.

[Leah Gunderson]

Angelina,

I really liked how you created a scene, dialogue, and actions and all reveal how adept Robert is at using gossip to take down another person.

[Leah Gunderson]

David,

It sounds like you’re adding reversals to the list of interest techniques. Very interesting.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jo, this is fun with only Scott speaking. I agree that as interest techniques increase, tension increases.

[Leah Gunderson]

Roger,

Here is what I’ll remember from your posting: Keep working. Writing is fun, but it is also real work.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leo,

Here is what I’ll remember from your posting: Always go deeper into knowing the characters.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jo,

Here is what I’m going to remember: exploit extreme traits of characters to create better conflicts.

[Leah Gunderson]

Anna,

Here is what I’ll remember from your posting: Interest Technique can set up the ticking clock!

[Leah Gunderson]

Rodger, I agree with you in regards to the importance of knowing the purpose/function of the scene to gauge level’s of the scene’s energy and expression.

[Leah Gunderson]

Beth, here is how I responded.

Introducing the money brings in a symbol that made me think that Naya is not for sale to the (I assume) wealthy old man. But the Groundskeeper is willing to say nothing and take his pay – even if this is not in a young woman’s best interest. What “price” is Naya going to pay for love?

[Leah Gunderson]

Jack, I like that this feels like Jack has personal interest in Lyla, but it actually collecting her resume for ways he can exploit her for professional interests. Great twist.

[Leah Gunderson]

Yanni, I love the comparisons in this triangle of Avi, the boy, and the man. Great reveals for emotions and themes.

It took me out of the scene when Avi calls the boy “Jake” because I wonder how he knew this. But maybe in a previous scene Avi has already met Jake.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brian, I really enjoyed reading this. The subtext makes me feel Jim might rather not use his military training (something he put to rest in his past), but now this violent beast forces him to do so (his past along with whatever was never resolved just caught up with him).

I saw summer as I read this until “snow” is mentioned towards the end. I would have been thinking snow and a winter weather if I were informed of this at the beginning. Winter offers more jeopardy/interest technique with possibilities of Jim and kids freezing, personal injuries from slipping on ice, tracks and blood in the snow, etc. It’s a different read with snow rather than summer. Just a thought.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jeremy,

I love the contrast between the rage of a hurled dish and polite table etiquette.

It seems like . . . “The Doctor is in excellent spirits and addresses Emma as “My Dear” and welcomes to his “happy family”. A toast is drunk to Emma’s happiness.” . . . could be acted out in ways that contribute to Interest Techniques rather just being in the background as written explanation.

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

I can see you are building the relationship between Jake and Raisa. They do and do not know everything about each other and Bubba may holds some surprises.

One thing I noticed is that you make the same statement in both description (Raisa brews a fresh short pot) and dialogue (Sorry for the delay. I made a fresh short pot) and it seems this might just need to be presented in once. Where do you think this information adds to the scene’s purpose and progression?

[Leah Gunderson]

Ok. My experience of your scene is that Uncertainty is the strongest interest technique. What will Frank do? Is Charlotte really an ally? Is Frank’s life in danger?

[Leah Gunderson]

Lynn,

My immediate response is that this scene is for setting up emotions between these characters and setting potential conflicts they will be facing together, but in their own ways.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brenda,

I love it! The punch followed by “Justice looks at her without expression” amplifies how dangerous this man may be and even more so as the story progresses.

[Leah Gunderson]

Anna,

The flip-characters are fun!

Ok. Here is what I’ll remember from your posting:

For every mental/emotional disorder that can be found in the DSM, there are standardized definitions of those disorders. So, it is not enough to give a character a challenging trait. It does need to be en extreme trait that drives the character to action and conflict.

Thx.

[Leah Gunderson]

Beth,

Ok. What I’ll remember from your posting is that character profiles pertain to all mediums of storytelling: scripts, novels, short stories, etc.

[Leah Gunderson]

Great advice, Anna 🙂

[Leah Gunderson]

Jeremy,

I agree. Maybe mild Mary will kill me over aggressive approval needs! You never know!!!!

And maybe my wisdom seeking friend is actually a GOD!!! Hello Jesus!. LOL

[Leah Gunderson]

David,

Here is what I’ll remember from your posting:

Characters are more useful in storytelling if they have specific and extreme traits.

This makes me think of all fairy tales and myths.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jack,

Here is what I’ll remember from your posting: art can imitate life.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brian,

Here is what I am learning from your posting:

“Perceived” traits don’t work in movies. Trait must be demonstrated (acted out) at some point as the expression of the essence.

The essence is perceived and it can be communicated through many traits and multiple characters.

Thx

[Leah Gunderson]

Rodger,

Here is what I’m learning from your posting:

Knowing that people are who they are can really make setting up flip-characters a lot of fun!

Like Alan Rickman’s portrayal of Professor Severus Snape. Alan really got that essence!

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

Yes! I agree. The characters must work.

Thx

[Leah Gunderson]

Angelina,

From your posting, I’ll remember to observe the character I create and so what I can to make they real within the context of the story and to the audience who for a moment is living within that story.

LOL. I don’t know why I just thought of Pinocchio in Shrek exclaiming, “I’m a real boy!”

[Leah Gunderson]

Yanni,

Does reality exist without an observer?

And can we increase compassion and empathy while exercising discernment?

It seems to me that one reason Heath Ledger’s Joker is so impactful is that all of the distractions of complications and projections of complexity cannot hide the simple profound truth of what connects the him with Batman . . . they are the same.

What did the mighty war horse, Bucephalus, who carried Alexander the Great fear? His own shadow.

I believe we do need to appreciate all the complexities that come with humanity. After all, complications take a lot of work and are deserving of appreciation. But beneath all the shenanigans we find flawed, imperfect people who are fundamentally the same and it may be that their greatest fear is their own shadows (past).

It makes me think of my brother’s friend – I’ll call him Rakesh. Rakesh’s family has a family temple that is over 600 years old. As I imagine about this temple, I feel my arms stretch across oceans with my hands searching through dense jungle vines until I touch the cool exterior of the temple. Stepping inside, I read an eternal sentence that contains all the stories of the all lives that have ever lived and will ever live engraved in once continuous circle along the edges of the temple’s ceiling: The past is immovable.

For some, acceptance brings joyous expansions into wisdom. For others, shame imposes a constant burden to hide. So, can we judge? Maybe I can judge me. But as writers perhaps we are not didactically judging as much as we are discerning – and best way to engage discernment is experience . . . even the experience of a fictitious story.

Essence, I think, cannot be forced as truth stands on its own accord. I believe it must be discerned by putting all the peripheral aside – even if this means the capital “I” must bow down in order to really perceive another person, a new character, a new me who is less judgmental.

Thx for the thought.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jeremy,

I feel a pull towards horror with thoughts of reactions.

Here’s what I’ll remember from your posting:

Create character profiles. Know potential reactions. Know how the essence can be expressed by each character in ways that compliment the story’s essence.

[Leah Gunderson]

Lynn,

Here is what I am learning from your posting:

Give the characters a mix of extremely attractive/repulsive and good/bad traits with which to express their essence.

Thx.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brenda,

I love this because without clear boundaries there is merely an enmeshment of codependent, homogenous personas. The essence is dull and impossible to distinguish – even if these kinds of characters/people hit all the milestones of story/human development. Act 1 – They are born. Act 2 – They grow and have relationships resulting in kids so they work at a job. Act 3 – They die. This could be anyone or any character in any story or even a moss piglet.

With clear boundaries, everyone/character can independently govern their lives. They can act! And they can do so according to their unique take on life and their personally, unique traits. Now you can have a John Wick or a Mary Poppins.

I agree there is a subconscious activity at play because under our assumptions and biases, there is often a more accurate rendering.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leo,

I think you are correct.

Delivering the essence really make Act 2 full of possibilities!

It isn’t just stuff happening. It is life happening within the context of the story. Alive!

[Leah Gunderson]

Roger,

Here is what I am learning from your posting:

I need to ask myself, “Why did I write this? What did I write that? Why did I think that was a good idea and how can I make it better?”

I need to ask better questions and find more creative answers that are rooted to the story’s foundation and sub-level life that must energetically breakthrough to the light of day in surprising and meaningful ways that express the essence.

[Leah Gunderson]

Anna,

Here is what I am remembering from your posting:

Writing takes time (I just rechecked my vacation time and I STILL cannot take off for a month).

So, what’s a writer to do? My goal in taking this course isn’t just to improve a script. It is to learn better creative processes towards creative mastery. I want to know the storytelling craft better. And I want to know how I can use this craft over and over again for many great stories.

So, yes, writing does take time. But more time doesn’t always equate to improved writing. However, better writing processes may make writing take less time and can even improve the quality of the writing.

Ok. I’m remembering this as a commitment because I can’t use my vacation time now because I want to take my son to the beach in August. Answer? I gotta get better writing processes in ways that I can be my own source of great writing.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brian,

Here is what I am learning from your post:

Subtleties and nuances must spring from unique essence if they are to be unique.

I think this is why it is delightful to hear Dr. Emmett Brown exclaim, “Great Scot!” Anyone hearing Christopher Lloyd shout, “Great Scot!” immediately thinks of Back to the Future and knows that something significant has been discovered by this unconventional, mad scientist.

[Leah Gunderson]

Bernadine,

I like your split-personality approach. LOL

But seriously, we do have to be able to objectively walk a mile in the shoes of each of our characters. This way when we don’t like a character, we are a mile away and we her shoes when we can gossip about her bunions and all the reason why she is non-essential!

I agree that my creating and editing personalities are very different – and I need them at different times to fulfill different purposes. It seems to me that the balance between the two has to do with writing processes that allow me to stay whole while writing up stories that don’t have a bunch of holes and problems.

I think you are identifying a process.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jo,

I agree.

A writer has to get out of his or her own way. I think is why having writing processes is so critical to professional writing. The processes can do the heavy lifting even if I’m having a crappy day or finding myself voting for some serious writer’s block so I can go camping.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jeremy,

Here is what I’ll remember from your posting:

Each scene must have one clear objective that advances the story. This advancement must be driven by the relationship between the story’s essence and the scene’s essence.

[Leah Gunderson]

Terry,

Got it – Connect a scene’s essence with the protag’s transformational arc.

[Leah Gunderson]

Ugh! Cliff hanger, Terry! LOL

[Leah Gunderson]

Yanni,

I agree and here is what I am learning from your posting.

It seems to me that the reason extremely different scenes can have the same essence is because in solid stories there are specific story elements that are set to compete with each other. These “voices”, if you will, are going to sound wildly different even if they are expressing the same essence.

Which voices will win? It is up to the writer and villain. As writers, we are acting upon the protag along with the villain and we are acting upon the villain along with the protag. So, as writer we must truly understand our own story structures and know why and how these identify and express the essence.

I’m going to remember this and I wouldn’t have thought of it without your comments.

Thx.

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

I agree. My interest in this course is to get really solid feedback towards specific components that can improve my creative process.

This is why I am so enthusiastic to read and commenting on everyone’s postings. I am learning so much from this.

AND what I didn’t expect is that I am actually composing my own “Notes” to which I can refer to improve my current scripts and to use after the class is over so that I can rely on myself to know how to improve future scripts.

So, I am truly grateful for the wonderful writers in this group. Such a positive experience and just what I have needed.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brenda,

Got it – Sit with story with new eyes, new heart, and think more deeply.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jack,

Got it – Essence for every scene. And for some reason you posting made me think about the relationship between locations (such as the condo or wherever) for plot and locations (act 1, etc.) for story structure. I think this needs to be meaningfully aligned.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brenda,

Got it – The story line’s purpose may miss the essence and put many story elements out of alignment making it impossible to deliver on the story’s promise/logline.

[Leah Gunderson]

Lynn,

Got it – always possible to improve a scene via essence.

[Leah Gunderson]

Rodger,

Got it – look at whole scene for audience’s takeaway. Thx.

[Leah Gunderson]

Edward,

I’m trying to learn something from each posting.

Here is what I will remember for you:

“Essence is not decorative. If it isn’t essential, it isn’t essence.”

Thx.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Hello, Paco!

Pleasure to meet you.

Looking forward to learning and working with you in the class.

All the best with your projects and ambitions.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brian, thank you for your comments and, yes, I do want to make my scripts so much better!

You’ve introduced me to someone, J. Michael Straczynski, I think I’ll enjoy getting know.

Sincerely wishing you all the best with you scripts.

With gratitude,

Leah

[Leah Gunderson]

Tony,

You picked a great movie to identify various perspectives that can express an essence.

Lots of layers in this one.

And while these perspectives are not subtle, they are grown organically from the very first scene.

I’m going to remember this.

Thx.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leo,

I love your clarification that essence connects with universal experiences.

Stories do provide a place to say “I miss my father” or “I am loved.”

Simple statements, but as Yanni points out it is often the simple everyday things that come to mean to most.

Thx.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Roger,

I am hoping to learn something from each posting.

Here are is my response to your posting.

First of all, I don’t think you are behind and, in fact, I believe you are ahead. Why? Because more than anyone in this group you shared your personal “essence” when you introduced yourself. Straight up. Forthright. Honest. So, you actually already identify essence innately.

Technical subjects may provide easier protection in public discourse with numerous escape hatches to avoid personal disclosures, but you know vulnerability. You’ve experienced permanent change. This means you can trust yourself to dig in and find the essence of the scenes in your stories that we all need.

Yes, this is difficult. But more than being difficult, it is simply different to be invited to stand in the raw and say this is me. My life. My stories. And then discover you are seen and you are heard. Why? Because you are needed.

So just know this pep talk is as much for me as it is for you. LOL

Go Roger!

[Leah Gunderson]

Jo,

Here is what I am learning from your post.

I agree that the essence itself selects the genres and that the genres must be true to the essence.

I think this is what roots the foundation of the story into the story world.

Thank you for reminding me.

[Leah Gunderson]

Angelina,

Here is what I am learning from your posting:

The repetition of the line “They are on the run together” reminds me of the tagline in House (the TV Series with Hugh Laurie). In House, the tagline is “Everyone lies.” The writers take the story and characters to new levels in each episode by demonstrating different subtextual meanings for this repeated phrase. “Everyone lies” can mean “I hate you”, “I love you”, “I’m guilty”, and “You matter.” Depth comes from subtextual meanings.

You are showing that a repeated essence such as “They are on the run together” can come to mean much more than a continued circumstance of literally being on the run together. It reminds me of “Romancing the Stone” and “The Lost City”. In both stories, the heroes and the love interests are literally on the run together. However, “they are on the run together” progresses from meaning “I hate you” to “I love you” – which is what your scenes are doing.

So, I wonder if maybe the loglines ought to present the external, explicit, and repeated circumstance of plot and the essence could be reveals that change and build up the meaning to true love. For example, the logline of being on the run in a jungle while getting away from murders might reveal the essence of “I hate your guts, but I need you to survive right now.” The logline of being on the run in a local village with murders not far behind may reveal the essence of “I still hate you, but dang you’re hot.” And the logline of being on the run while trapping and exposing the murders could reveal the essence “My love! I’d rather die than live without you!”

It seems the essence needs to change if the story is to move to new levels even if the story’s plot is structured to keep throwing characters back into similar circumstances until they get it right.

Thanks for demonstrating this with you scene development. You’ve taught me something really valuable.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Bernandine,

My goal is to learn something from each posting and here is what your posting brings to my mind:

Thank you for bringing focus to the core.

It is easy to get lost in all the peripheral concerns that buzzes around writing a script.

But by knowing the core essence all the distractions can be quieted and focus can be given to what matters most for each scene.

[Leah Gunderson]

Susan,

Thank you for emphasizing the importance of the “entire script’s thesis”.

While a writer’s goal is to deliver maximum entertainment through various expressions of the movie’s concept, we can go deeper by presenting truths available within the context of the story.

Personally, when the poetic distractions of human emotion and clever wording fade away I still recall when a story delivers truth. What I really am enjoying about this course is that it seems to be encouraging a kind of discovery of truth, an elixir, that is contained in each scene. However, the challenge is to experiment with so many options and then create the flavor of those elixirs by distilling the entire story from an essence. I am thinking this is why knowing the essence can move each scene to new levels. Ethereal and intangible concepts can be given mortality in the life of each story. And the truths found in each story can live on within each person who ingests the story’s essence.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Gene,

Thank you for sharing this insight.

I’m going to think it over for a bit because you offer a lot in what you are saying.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jeremy,

I agree it is a challenge that requires a lot of work to really understand the essence of each scene and then even a greater challenge to accomplish writing incredibly entertaining expressions of that essence for specific scenes without forgetting the promised concept of the script.

For me, I’ve decided to post the movie’s logline (the BIG Concept) at eye level on my wall so that I have to see it as I rework my scene list until each situation is powerfully essential to moving the script to new levels that actually deliver on the promise of the concept.

I think this is actually really hard and I don’t think I am very good at it . . . yet. But for some reason it is fun to me in personally rewarding ways and the challenge holds my attention over other distractions like mowing the lawn. LOL. I really want to go mow the lawn right now! But, I’ll do that after I finish the next assignment.

[Leah Gunderson]

Heather,

I agree with you. The essence changes from scene to scene.

Very succinct and memorable and true.

I suppose this ebb and flow and even reversals of essence is what creates the energy of the story. Taking it further, I think that this energy must embody and even personify the genres that are woven into the story.

Thanks. You just taught me something.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brenda,

I appreciate the attention you bring to the importance of elevating emotions as we experience in this scene from the Titanic.

If a function of essence is to clarify purpose, perhaps the intention of purpose in a screenplay is to elevate emotions or, in other words, create a range of emotions. These elevated ranges of emotions are a means of evaluating the effectiveness of a script.

I will always remember this. Thank you very much.

[Leah Gunderson]

Joy,

For some reason, your posting made me think of the audience.

Here is what I’ve gained from your response:

Essence must move the audience forward with the story and characters because of the purpose being experienced by the audience.

Thank you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Terry,

I’m seeking to learn something from each posting.

Here is my lesson from you:

Brainstorming essence before creating scenes offers greater flexibility in brainstorming the essence that tethers two character together – such as the hero and villain.

Thanks.

[Leah Gunderson]

Heather,

So nice to meet you.

Sounds like you are a fan of ScreenwritingU.

It will be great to get to know you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Hello, Brian.

You have an impressive resume.

Sounds like you are just getting started.

All the best and looking forward to working and learning with you in this class.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brenda,

Congratulations on one of your features hitting the semi-finalist level. What a wonderful accomplishment for you and your mentors.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Beth,

I believe that so far you are the only one to put a finger on “essence of situation”.

This is a bit more complex because situations must have backstory and projections of how the characters at play might act out their expectations and ambitions to have impact on the story and each other in ways that control outcomes in order for it to be a challenging situation.

Essence of situation is why Luke Skywalker lost a hand.

On a humorous note it is probably why there has never been a sequel to Sophie’s Choice (she’d just pick the other one).

I think in writing scripts there are many “Sophie’s Choices.” A Sophie’s choice is “used in reference to a difficult situation in which a person must choose between two equally deserving alternatives (Google)”.

Perhaps the means of making the difficult writing choices we must make between all of the possible alternatives might be to learn the essence of the situations.

Good on you, Beth! I would not have consider this without you. Thank you so very much.

[Leah Gunderson]

Brian,

Here is what I am learning from your posting:

When essence is communicated through both action and non-action that stems from subtext, a deeper meaning is created.

Thank you for the chance to think about this.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jeremy,

I’m seeking to learn something from each of these assignments that are posted.

Thank you for articulating that each scene, no matter its function in the script, must have its own essence in order to fulfill its purpose. Now, that may not be exactly what you are stating. However, this is what I learned from your assignment. Thx.

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene,

Thank you for teaching me to remember to dig deeper.

If the ambition here is to double the quality of my writing, then this is not about rewriting. It is about creating new story components and structures because of digger deeper – all the way to the essence.

Thank you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Anna,

Thank you for reminding me that a good title captures the essence of the story.

I have working titles for some of my scripts depending upon what I am focusing on for improvement at this time. Kind of my way of flagging what I need to fix – I don’t change it back to the real title until I figure out how to fix the problems because the story is not the envisioned story until it is.

I’m going to take a look at my titles and see if they really do capture the essence. Thx

[Leah Gunderson]

Roger,

Slumdog Millionaire is a great film.

Your assignment teaches me to be aware of how the essence of each character creates the journeys those characters takes over the course of a story – the character arcs and subplots.

Thank you for teaching me this.

[Leah Gunderson]

Micheal,

I agree with you. Essence does define story structure in ways that build audience engagement because knowing the essence makes it possible to build engaging stories. Thanks. Very kind of you to point this out.

[Leah Gunderson]

Angelina,

Here is what you’ve taught me through your assignment:

The juxtaposition of two scenes in terms of their intensity and focus can be more succinctly powerful than a number of filler scenes.

To do this, I have to know the essence of each scene.

[Leah Gunderson]

Patricia,

Love your comments! Here’s what I’m getting out of your assignment:

The maximum entertainment is not limited to words. This is a visual art. Creating essence must include filmable cinematic thrills that are visual in addition to what is auditory.

Sometimes I study a film with the sound off and I look for the visual story of symbols and metaphors. I believe the visual story (that can be its own track woven into the script) must have its own essence. You’ve demonstrated this precisely in your assignment. Thank you so very much.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jack, you’ve really taught me something very important. It seems to me that you identify the scene that exposes the debased actions and moral corruption of the villain. This rockets the stakes into the stratosphere because there is no going back for the hero after these are revealed. And the tension is edgy because now everyone knows (audience included), but the villain has yet to discover that everyone knows.

Knowing and exposing the villain’s essence is essential for a great storytelling. Thx.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Sean Penn’s brother (aka David), you are teaching me to create pivotal scenes of essence that make the beginning and ending of my scripts believable. Thanks for the insight and I realize it most likely comes by way of your family connections with the industry. LOL

[Leah Gunderson]

Yanni, beautiful comments. Thanks for emphasizing those visceral responses. In all this learning, our own bodies have a lot to tells us as well about the essence of a story. It is amazing how simple, special moments can connect so deeply.

[Leah Gunderson]

Lynn, this is exciting. I decided that as I read through these responses that I’d pretend the feedback or notes are for my own scripts and then my goal is to challenge myself to make those improvements or at least come up with a number of alternative ideas that do work. Hoping this gives me a lot of practice with increasing my ability to quickly respond with alternative storytelling components and restructuring that I’d never have considered otherwise. Thx.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Edward,

Nice to meet you.

With the time differance, I believe my good morning is the midle of the nyght for you. (Dang! I put in typos just to bring you back to your good ol’ days, but the darn auto-edit is underlining them.)

I agree with you that a movie is certainly not about selling anyone on the capital “MY” ideas. The whole thing happens through collaboration. It is a refining process seeking adaptability until the appeal of the story merits the budget. Not that I’m an expert, but I am a solid novice. LOL.

It seems obvious to me that the more fun and fascinating and effective the creative process is for everyone involved the better chances there are for a script to make it all the way through production with another opportunity for what’s in your portfolio . . . and then there’s the merchandising, Comic Con appearances . . . work, work work. LOL I actually think you’ll be comforted by plenty of deadlines. LOL

[Leah Gunderson]

Susan,

Awesome dreams! Can’t say I ever dream in subtitles, but I do have dreams that wake me up because I’m laughing so hard.

One time I dreamt I won American Idol singing the theme song to Sponge Bob Square Pants. My hair extensions were marvelous and I had the entire audience on their feet! LOL. Yep.

All the best to you getting to the top 1% with subtitles and me getting there with a theme song. And all while sleeping! Who knew?

So if you dream in subtitles, then your dreams could be in any language, right? Wow! Better than Rosetta.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leah Gunderson.

[Leah Gunderson]

Rebecca,

Well, I would think your non-profits are well protected with you having a black belt in taekwondo. I’m only teasing. It’s just the first thing that came to mind – a sweet humanitarian that no one messes with.LOL

Looking forward to getting to know you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Good day to you, Roger,

My guess is that many of us in this class are solid novices.

But even a novice is in the field 🙂

That’s how I look at it.

Looking forward to learning better writing processes along with you as we progress towards professionalism in this class.

[Leah Gunderson]

Crosby,

So nice to meet you!

Like you, I’m hoping to put in the work to move to a professional level.

It will be wonderful to learn with you in this class.

[Leah Gunderson]

Hello, Joy.

Romcoms . . . you’ll be the next Nora Ephron! Fantastic.

Hope all goes well at hospital and it will be great to get to know you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Roger, very nice to meet you as well.

Looks like we have a great group of people in this course.

Looking forward to working and learning with you.

[Leah Gunderson]

LOL! Very funny.

[Leah Gunderson]

David, very nice to meet you.

I am curious though. Because of your last name, do you actually write with a pen or do you prefer a pencil? Of course, I’m just teasing. I tend to like surnames and for a writer you have a great one.

Looking forward to working and learning with you in this class. All the best to your writing ambitions.

[Leah Gunderson]

Divyang,

Congrats on your recent graduation and congrats on following your desire to write amazing movies.

I look forward to seeing your characters and dialogue improve ten fold!

This is going to be fun!

[Leah Gunderson]

Alfred Gene, you are an inspiration!

It will truly be an honor to work and learn with you in this class.

Looking forward.

[Leah Gunderson]

Patricia,

One dynamic I truly appreciate about writers is the desire to continually improve. My son would call this trait “humbility”. This is an interlacing of humbleness with humility. An open mind-set.

It will be wonderful to get to know you and work with you in this class.

[Leah Gunderson]

Jack, nice to meet you.

Sounds like you have some solid experience there in your resume – plus a bit of magic!

Looking forward to working and learning with you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Angelina,

Go for it. Sounds like this class is very timely for where you are as a writer.

It will be wonderful for both of us to improve our writing and enter the market with scripts that place in the top 1-3%.

Really excited for you and wishing you all the best.

[Leah Gunderson]

Oh, Jeremy you wee tyke! The whole of life’s ahead for you! You’re but a lad.

I had my own horror story last night. I’ve been under the weather and hadn’t really eaten much yesterday. Around 10pm or so I thought I’d boil up some eggs to make an egg salad sandwich or something like that for today. I dozed off while waiting for the water to boil.

I awakened paralyzed with fear in the dark of night a few hours later knowing that someone was in my kitchen. It sounded like someone bumped into the table and jolted it. Then it sounded like someone stubbed a boot into a wall. I was certain an intruder was in my kitchen.

Then I heard a pop! As happens in all horror movies, I had to look. I cautiously peered around the kitchen doorway. It was the half dozen egg grenades exploding from a dry pan. No egg salad sandwich for this young lady!

Looking forward to learning with you in this class.

[Leah Gunderson]

Hi, Jo,

I really like Hal and Cheryl’s classes as well. Their approach makes it easier to transform abstract concepts into tangible writing. You can pencil it on the page and see it. I like that these classes are not just about a story, but rather about the craft of storytelling that can be mastered by implementing various writing processes to generate many great stories.

I love horses. Have your hip and knee heeled up so that you can ride your horses?

Looking forward to hearing your stories. I bet they are really good.

[Leah Gunderson]

Hello, Jimmy. Nice to meet you. It sounds like the schedule of this course will get your creative mojo going. All the best and looking forward to getting to know you and your work. Go Jimmy!

[Leah Gunderson]

I hear you on that one. Lovely distractions. I got all set up for this course yesterday and then out of no where I almost watched Twilight. TWILIGHT! I was actually turning off the TV and there it was one click away. Distraction is the thief of time and energy, yet always so inviting – even if it presents something like Twilight. Gosh, I feel so much better because of this confession. Dodged that wooden stake and silver bullet.

[Leah Gunderson]

Anna, I keep thinking about the “glue” because I don’t think you’re out of anything. As I kept thinking about needing the thing to keep it all together, my breath shortened and I felt a sort of panic on the cusp falling apart so that a truth can come forth.

Strangely here is what came to mind as if a character were speaking:

“I can’t remember everything. Sometimes I remember an age, but that’s too personal like something that belonged to me. To my past. I go there to look at the pieces, but they are too scattered. Everywhere I see bits of my shattered self and I try to remember everything. But I fail.

It’s like swimming up from a dark place while running out of air. Just as my face almost breaks the surface, I am pulled back down. So, I don’t breathe. Instead, I try to remember. I need to know. To know myself. I wonder when I’ll break through. But I’m patient. . . I’m also really good at holding my breath.”

Maybe all you need is a process. I don’t think you’re out of anything.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leo, so nice to meet you.

Though I really don’t know anything about astrology, I was born in August and so I am a Leo as well!

Like you, I am looking forward to learning how to create more scripts of high quality more systematically in less time.

Looking forward to working with throughout this class.

[Leah Gunderson]

I’ve forgotten most of my French as well. But I did just start learning it again via Rosetta. I lived in N’Djamena, TChad for a few years as a young girl. So, what I do remember I pronounce with a north African accent!

[Leah Gunderson]

Lynn, that is a hilarious running joke! You made my day.

[Leah Gunderson]

Ahh! Got it. You’re a sunny-Greek-penguin kind of guy with epigenetically inherited traumas of sub-zero temperatures. How ever did you leave balmy Greece? So brave. Yep. You are a very brave to have moved to another beach. LOL

[Leah Gunderson]

Ananda, so nice to meet you. While I’m not really familiar with magical realism and would love to learn more.

Looking forward to working with you as we learn from this class.

[Leah Gunderson]

Gary,

Sounds like you are enjoying your life of screen writing! Just wonderful.

But even better that you are continuing to seek inspiration. Good for you.

It will be great to get to know you through learning and growing in this class.

[Leah Gunderson]

Anna,

You are ambitious! But sorry to hear you’ve run out of glue. No need to worry, I bet Hal can get you some from Wal-mart. No worries. You’ll be fine. hahaha

Looking forward to working and learning with you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Tamra, good for you! You have accomplished so much already.

I do wonder if you’ve watched some of the footage about the strikes in Paris. There is one in which there are literally three barrels in the street a flame with roaring fires and in the store front is a waiter meticulously arranging a cafe table. In a French accent it made me think, “Zut alors! Flames must wait! But of course if it barely 7 o’clock. Time for cafe. A bit of baguette. Perhaps some music. Viva la France . . . apres collation du soir!

Looking forward to working with you.

[Leah Gunderson]

If you make Tom Jones eat ze bugs, you’re gonna see him cry!

[Leah Gunderson]

LOL. Great accent, but I refuse to agree. Those bugs are not reliable. Simply unreliable, I tell you! You can never trust a bug! LOL

[Leah Gunderson]

Yanni, It will be great working with you and learning more about penguins. LOL.

Penguins are fascinating birds. It makes me think of how people look like their dogs. Do you waddle? Do you prefer frozen fish? Ahh. . . you love frigid, cold water! Can’t get enough of snow? You really like black and white films? Your fancy dress is actually tuxedos? Ok. Enough with the penguins, man!

I’ve never met a filmmaker. Nice to meet you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Tony, so nice to meet you. Congrats on your sobriety and understandings of mental illness. Indeed you are familiar with transformation. It will be great working with you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Terry, I can feel the evening desert breeze. My father was a botanist who worked on cattle projects in northern Africa as part of range management for AIDE and his colleague, a family friend, worked on watershed projects in Iran.

It is sad what is happening to Lake TChad and the Chari river.

It is interesting to touch water in ways that sustains ecology. I have my own theory that part of the problems with water security in northern Africa is due to the reduction of elephants and the need for proper cattle grazing, manuring techniques to generate healthy topsoil. I agree with Alan Savory regarding cattle. And I know from experience that where elephants go, water follows. So, I’m a fan of Vandana Shiva.

Nice to meet you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Beth, I love your last name! How clever of you to write novels and then go an extra step by turning them into screenplays. Nice to meet you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Kathleen,

How awesome that you’re now retired and have time to work on your screenwriting. It seems you’ll have a lot of life experience to bring to each story. Glad to meet you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Michael, it will be wonderful to get to know you. Our background in similar in that I have taken a few screenwriting courses as well. I have my own private “portfolio” of sorts, but looking forward to what I can learn from this course.

[Leah Gunderson]

Lynn,

Fantastic! You are really dedicated to your writing. Wishing you all the best with your next contest. It will be great to get to know you.

[Leah Gunderson]

Leah Gunderson

“I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.