[Lee Tidball]

CLICHE-BUSTING

Lee’s Cliche-Busting

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned while doing this lesson is that I do have cliches in the script, and that I could find ways to make them unique, or just eliminate them and write something new. In genre films, there’s always various genre conditions and tropes that fans will be expecting to see. However, what’s fun is to vary some of those just enough so they become a unique expression of say, “the car chase” or “the fight with the dumbass law enforcement where they’re all gunned down by the bad guys” or “the final battle” in a way that’s unique and exciting to my show. That’s my job here. That said, I think I also did a good job of setting up a unique action story from the start that made unique a lot of the parts of an action film that are easy to slip into cliches back in the outline stage.

CLICHE SCENES, CHARACTERS, ETC.—and how I fixed them.

Page 25 – Troy is cliche—the typical over-confident police guy who gets his men killed by underestimating the bad guys. I’ll rewrite this whole scene to make it unique yet still fulfill the genre requirement that there be a big, no-holds-barred battle between law enforcement and the bad guys, one that law enforcement ultimately loses, leaving only the protagonist to somehow save the day.

The Climax – This wasn’t so much cliche as it was just too easy for the protagonist. I’ve rewritten it to make it more difficult, and may change the ending as well.

The opening – This could have been much more cliche than it is. I worked hard to make it different by introducing the bad guy first, making him almost look sympathetic, and the protagonist to look almost anonymous and almost bad. This is something that really caught my feedback reader’s attention—favorable attention, that is.

The character of Mara Jenson – I’ve not completely fleshed this character out yet, but she’s now a much more sympathetic “boss” figure for the protagonist Kellen than the cliche of a boss who’s so stuck on herself that she can’t see the wisdom in what the protagonist is doing. Yet she is strong and advocates forcefully for her own plan.

The Protagonist – While the fact that she used to be a Green Beret in the army which accounts for her special abilities to be the hero of this story may seem cliche, it’s more of a trope of the action film, even a requirement. She must have special skills that make her the one hero that can save the day in this story, and she has to have gotten them somewhere.

All in all, I didn’t find too many cliches in this as when I did the original outline, I worked hard to make the story unique, with a unique setting, unique main character, unique plot, etc.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 1 week ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee solves Character Problems

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that most of my characters are pretty strong and fit these parameters, but some could use some help.

Examination of my characters as written in the first draft of my script.

* A. Generic Lead Characters – There is nothing generic about either Kellen or Knox. Each is made specifically for this movie and couldn’t be in any other. Each struggles with both internal and external challenges. However, more scenes that explore these thing need to be added to the script.
* B. Weak protagonist or antagonist – Not a chance in either case.
* C. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad – could come close with the Antagonist, but it fits his intro and his character.
* D. Weak character intros – Not even!
* E. Characters not in action – Action is well-balanced and good—and for this action thriller, nearly constant.
* F. Protagonist journey not strong – as of this draft, it’s strong.
* G. All the characters seem the same – Perhaps the kids need to be more individuals, not just “the kids”. Otherwise, everyone’s very differentiated.
* H. Lead characters not present – They’re all over the place in this one.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned while doing this lesson is that things were in pretty good shape structurally as I followed my outline in Draft 1. Problems came, though at the end.

Here's an analysis that I did using the questions that were given in the lesson. My comments are in sentences in answer to each question.

THE STRUCTURE QUESTIONS
Act 1:
Opening/Old Ways: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue? This has a very engaging way to both introduce the antagonist and protagonist, but shows the old ways and what they’re like.

Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey? The inciting incident, when Kellen finds out she’s needed for an important mission, is done well. It also propels us into the story in an intriguing way.

Turning Point: How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?” Kellen and her enrichment class are kidnapped by a domestic terrorist militia group.

Act 2:
New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point? Kellen sent a distress signal to the school, which in turn sent the county Sheriff along with its SWAT team and many deputies to the area

Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan? She prepares the kids for the plan, and says that she’ll escape when there’s a distraction.

Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, through a reveal, while keeping us on the same journey? Kellen escapes, then realizes that this is the very group that could be responsible for taking down the entire national power grid. She heads back to the camp.

Act 3:
React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? Kellen realizes the scope of the situation, and also that her students are in mortal danger. She escapes, makes a plan to get them out alive.

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? Kellen proceeds to rescue her students despite Mara Jenson’s admonition to take out the substation first.

Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way. This structure point was not strong enough. I’ve strengthened it with the following… Kellen was about to dispatch with Knox and Jesse to disable the satellite feed when the explosion of the substation nearly kills Jesse. Then, as Kellen’’s helping him and assessing a whole series of injuries to him, Knox, who’s also survived the explosion, comes at them, trying to kill them both. Kellen must engage him, while Jesse decides to continue with finding and disabling the computer despite his myriad injuries.

Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically? Kellen has a huge showdown with Knox where he finds out that she’s the one that wouldn’t let him on the bus years before, then he lies to her about what happened, which has haunted Kellen’s dreams ever since, the fact that he abandoned the family, and the youngest was killed by machine gun fire. Kellen wins the struggle, but Knox escapes. Jesse finally succeeds in stopping the download from the computer/satellite when he destroys the computer with a rock.

Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion? Kellen and Jesse are united in one effort to save the world. Afterwards, they’ll become closer than ever.

New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue? Jesse decides to stay in CA with his mom and go to college, become a naturalist, and they remain close. Mara Jenson is impressed with Kellen and assures her that she’ll be called on again. The sheriff lets her know that Knox was caught not long after he ran from her—he was badly wounded. His militia group was completely destroyed. Kellen is able to sleep soundly with no nightmares when she finally goes to bed.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee's Act 2

I finished Act 2 (page 41) on July 12.

It was tough because there was a lot of scenes with mini-slug lines as the action on-screen would shift from one place to another. I was really getting into "perfection" mode a number of times, but kept pushing myself to just keep going and not to worry if it was all properly choreographed in the most effective way yet. I also didn't have the time I'd had the week before because of appointments and juggling my outdoor bike ride times around temps over 110 degrees some days (ugh!!!).

But I'm on to Act 3 now. Still doing a good job of sticking to my outline and not throwing in any curves or whatever yet, just making mental notes of ways to enhance the script later, not change the story or get stuck doing it now. I'm having a great time, but it is hard work–but I'm excited to be moving along well.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

I finished Act 1 on Sunday, the 7th. It's going well, but I'm still frustrated with how many times I slip into "perfection" mode. I've discovered that that's the way that I've written all my script up until now, except when I went through the "30-day Screenplay writing" class, when after a while I became quite good at writing in the "first draft" mode.

I'm trying to grasp that again as I get into Act 2, but that is mostly composed of a big action scene that has to be choreographed on the page since everything's happening at once. It's slowing me down, but I constantly remind myself "this is the first draft–relax…" I'm glad that I'm getting lots of practice with that.

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Hi!
My name is Lee Tidball

I've written at least a dozens screenplays.

I hope that in this course I'll learn some tools for writing rom-coms because it's a popular genre and I have a goal to sell a screenplay at some point in the future, and the first rule of that is to write something that's marketable. I'm not into the Hallmark thing, but I don't think they're the only ones needing rom-coms. That said, I'm working on an action script right now for another SU class, so I'll basically be auditing this class, going through the lessons, etc., being on the phone calls, etc., but I'll have to spend my work time on the other class.

It's good to share this time with everyone!

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Tidball

I agree to the terms of this agreement

• This reply was modified 10 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Starts Act 2

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned as I get into Act 2, which features a big action scene, that I'm trying to hard to choreograph the scene and the urge to go back and correct stuff is overwhelming. Gotta remember to just keep writing. But it's fun

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee finishes Act 1

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

I finished Act 1 right about our normal class time on Thursday, the 4th (Happy Independence Day)! I was proud of myself and celebrated (as I always do) with a cool snack of chips and dip. I feel like I'm and on schedule. Now it's on to Act 2

• This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s continuing Act 1

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer. 

What I’m learning is that I have a good outline, and I’m being careful to stick with it. I already see things that I want to change, but I’m not doing that. Just sticking with it and plowing forward. I like the story so far. And still haven’t gone back and read what I’ve written yet. :).

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 1 first 10 pages

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer. 

What I learned getting started with my script was that, though I can write fast, I’m still going back and changing words, thinking of better descriptions or dialogue, etc. I’m not too concerned about this because what I have kicked is the urge to go back over the pages that I’ve just written and rewrite them. Yay!

[Lee Tidball]

Hi all! My name's Lee, and I'm looking for feedback–and to give you some feedback too! Here's what my story's about.
Title: TOUGH ASSIGNMENT
Genre: Action/Thriller
Concept: An ex-Green Beret turned teacher at a Sierra Nevada outdoor school faces her most challenging mission ever when a radical militia group uses an old mining town as headquarters to perpetrate a nationwide cyber attack, taking her students, including her own nephew, hostage when they hike there for their California gold rush lesson.
Contact me at leetidball@mac.com or on this forum if you'd like to exchange. Looking forward to it!

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Scene Requirements

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that composing an outline that includes scene requirements will ensure that I’ll remember all of the elements I want to have in each scene that will make them interesting, etc.

TOUGH ASSIGNMENT – OUTLINE WITH SCENE REQUIREMENTS

ACT 1

1. EXT. KABUL, AFGHANISTAN – DAY

Confusion, gunfire, civilians hurry to buses chased by Taliban fighters. At one bus, GABRIEL KNOX, private security commander argues with a US sergeant.
– Scene arc – Knox arrives with the family, tries to get on a bus, is refused.
– Essence: Knox is a private security officer protecting a European family. The bus is only for US citizens and Afghan NGOs
– Conflict: Knox is about to force his way on, but a Green Beret sergeant/sniper protecting the bus intervenes.
– Subtext: Who is the Green Beret and why does she have such authority?
– Hope/fear – We hope Knox and the family will be let on, but fear that it won’t happen.

FIVE YEARS LATER…

Scene Arc – KELLEN HAMILTON, late 30s, teacher at an Outdoor School in CA Sierra foothills, does her normal morning routine, ends in a disturbing phone call.

2. INT. KELLEN’S CABIN – DAY

Kellen awakes as sounds of screams and gunfire fade. She eyes a long military-style semi-automatic rifle that hangs on her bedroom wall, a plaque underneath it. We see her unique morning routine.
– Essence: Kellen’s routine is a rigorous military-style training course.
– Conflict: Kellen against herself
– Subtext: Where is she and what’s with the military style obstacle course?
– Hope/Fear – We hope Kellen is a “good guy,” but fear that she may not be.

3. INT./EXT. OUTDOOR SCHOOL – DAY

Kellen’s a teacher of 6th grade students who spend a week at the outdoor school. Morning routine is breakfast and meetings.
– Essence: Seeing Kellen in her “Old Ways” world.
– Conflict: Kellen tells a student they’ll be excluded from the day’s activities, punishment for misbehavior. The kid cries, etc. Kellen doesn’t give in.
– Subtext: There’s a side of Kellen that we’ve seen, but those in her world never see.
– Hope/fear: We sense Kellen’s genuine, fair and good, but fear her “other” persona.

4. INT. DINING HALL BUILDING – DAY

Kellen’s eating breakfast when she’s called to the phone. It’s MARA JENSON, a former comrade, now part of a new secret Dept. of Homeland Security branch, the Anti-Domestic Terrorism Force.
NOTE: Many areas of the Sierra foothills and mountains get little or no cell phone reception, including the Outdoor School.
– Essence: Kellen’s been assigned to see if an electrical substation has been sabotaged.
– Conflict: Kellen’s pissed. She’s taking a group on a hike to an old mining camp. Mara says it’s near where she’s going, and it’s an order.
– Subtext: Why might the substation be sabotaged—and why should a teacher obey “orders”?
– Hope/Fear – We hope things will be okay, but fear they won’t.

5. EXT. OLD MINING CAMP – DAY

Gabriel Knox, 40s, leads a bunch of tough, rugged types to the old mining camp.
– Scene Arc: From hiking through the forest to setting up in the old mining camp.
– Essence: A bunch of badasses take over a place usually used for teaching history.
– Conflict: None, aside from some routine griping, etc.
– Subtext: Who’s the nerdy-looking Asian guys with this group.
– We hope this isn’t where Kellen is going, but fear that it is.

6. EXT. DINING HALL BUILDING – DAY
Kellen meets the group going to the mining camp: 7 kids and 2 high school counselors.
– Scene arc: From meet-and-greet to hitting the trail.
– Essence: Kellen explains to counselors what she expects.
– Conflict: the male counselor, JESSE (18), mentions that he has a cell phone with him. Kellen’s not pleased, but says the flashlight, etc. might come in handy.
– Subtext: Jesse’s Kellen’s nephew that she hasn’t seen in 10 years. He’s trying to see if she might recognize him, but she doesn’t. Jesse and ALLISON (18), the female counselor, seem rather chummy.
– Hope/fear – We hope this group will be okay, but fear they won’t be.

7. EXT. MINING CAMP – DAY
The retired teacher that normally runs the camp arrives.
– Scene arc: From dismay to dead and his body being hidden.
– Essence: The indignant teacher refuses to leave, so Knox kills him.
– Conflict: The teacher insists on doing his job, despite Knox telling him to leave.
– Subtext: Knox can’t take a chance on letting the teacher live.
– We hope the teacher will just leave, but fear that he won’t and end up like he does.

INCITING INCIDENT – A Hike Turns into a Disaster

Scene Arc: Kellen’s group goes from being hikers to hostages.

8. EXT. THE WOODS – DAY
Kellen and Allison lead the group, Jesse brings up the rear.
– Essence: All is normal until the group gets to the mining camp
– Conflict: Allison wants to know why Kellen has a cell phone. She explains it’s just an intercom in the School’s local com network in case of emergency.
– Subtext: Both Kellen and Jesse have items that could be used in emergencies.
– Hope/fear: We hope for the best/fear the worst.

9. EXT. MINING CAMP – DAY
Knox and crew stow the body and their other stuff and spread out, hide.
– Essence: Knox will fake being a substitute, hope the class will leave.
– Conflict: A guy suggests just waiting til afternoon. Knox says that’s impossible.
– Subtext: Something bigger’s going on than meets the eye.
– Hope/fear: Knox hopes the kids just move along/ but fears something worse.

10. EXT. MINING CAMP – LATER
Kellen arrives with the kids. Knox says he’s a sub teacher. Kellen suddenly has a PTSD-like flashback of Knox and someone arguing in a battle.

She tries to get the kids together to go back to the school, but a girl sees the dead body, SCREAMS!

Everyone runs, but are captured by Knox’s people. Kellen runs in a different direction. .
– Essence: After all the trauma, Jessie, Allison, and the kids are hostages.
– Conflict: Kellen wants to go back, but knows it’s useless—she has no weapons or anything useful to get them away.
– Subtext: Kellen recognized Knox from somewhere in her past, and he’s up to something very bad that he’s covering up.
– We hope the kids will be alright, but fear for their safety.

11. EXT. AREA AROUND MINING CAMP – MOMENTS LATER
Kellen uses her intercom to signal the school—they call the county sheriff (TURNING POINT 1).
– Scene arc: From chaos to a new plan—and new, dangerous reality
– Essence: A hike has turned into a dangerous hostage situation.
– Conflict: Hostage takers vs. law enforcement.
– Subtext: What could be going on that’s worth all this trouble to Knox?
– We hope that the kids and Allison are okay, and fear things will get much worse.

ACT 2 – THE MASSACRE

Scene Arc: We go from hostage negotiations and things under control to a full-on battle which ends very bad for the law enforcement SWAT team and others.

12. EXT. MINING CAMP – DAY
Law enforcement shows up with hostage negotiator, stalls for time.
– Essence: SWAT and law enforcement surround the camp area.
– Conflict: Negotiations on are not entirely in good faith.
– Subtext: Sheriff wants to find kids, then kill the perps. Knox wastes time so his people can gear up.
– Hope/fear: We hope the kids are okay, but it doesn’t look good.

13. EXT. SUBSTATION – DAY
Kellen finds the nearby substation, sees what’s going on.
– Essence: Kellen sees sophisticated computer and communications stuff being used by experienced Asian techs with guards
– Conflict: Kellen would love to take these people out, but she’s outnumbered.
– Subtext: Taking over the mining camp is just a cover—the real action is here. The Asians speak Korean, bits of which she learned in the Army.
– Hope/fear: We hope to find out more, but fear a battle will intervene.

14. EXT. INSIDE THE MINE – DAY
Jesse, Allison and 7 kids are in the mine, see lots of weapons being passed out to Knox’s men while negotiations go on, assault rifles, ammo, a grenade launcher, an RPG launcher.
– Essence: When the shooting starts, SWAT and the sheriff will be outgunned.
– Conflict: Jesse, Allison, and kids argue about escaping, telling someone about Knox’s guns.
– Subtext: Knox knew this situation would happen, and is prepared for it.
– Hope/fear: We hope that not too many will be killed, but fear there will be a bloodbath.

15. EXT. WITH KELLEN/THE MINING CAMP – DAY

Kellen makes a call on a satellite phone, advises Mara of the situation, sends her pics of what she’s seen
– Essence: Mara says similar things going on elsewhere, Kellen must stop this.
– Conflict: Kellen says she’ll save the kids first. Mara’s adamant.
– Subtext: Kellen’s stumbled into a nationwide coup of some kind.
– Hope/fear: We hope the kids don’t get killed, fear they’ll be in more danger.

16. THE MINING CAMP…
– Essence: Knox is through prepping—it’s time for battle!
– Conflict: Knox won’t negotiate anymore, invites sheriff to come and get the hostages.
– Subtext: The Sheriff is okay with that, his guys have surrounded the camp.
– Hope/fear: As battle rages, we hope for kids, but fear the worst.

17. WITH KELLEN…

Kellen sneaks into the mine, subdues a guard, talks to the kids.
– Essence: Kellen can’t take the kids out now, but will be back.
– Conflict: Jesse argues: they should go, while all are distracted. Kellen disagrees.
– Subtext: Kellen doesn’t want kids to see what she has nightmares about.
– Hope/fear: As Kellen leaves, we hope she has a plan, fear that it will be too late.

18. THE MINING CAMP…

Intense action everywhere, but SWAT is destroyed.
– Essence: An action-packed battle results in SWAT being wiped out.
– Conflicts: Many, individuals and groups. Knox prevails.
– Subtext: Who will save the kids, stop the Asians now?
– Hope/fear: We hope Kellen can save the kids, blow the substation, etc., but have no idea how.

19. AFTERWARD…

Knox informs sheriff that any more interference will result in children getting killed.
– Essence: Knox orders his remaining people to each grab a kid and patrol the area. if any trouble, use the child as a human shield or just kill them.
– Conflict: Someone objects, he doesn’t want to kill kids. Knox threatens to kill him and a kid.
– Subtext: Knox is getting anxious, more ruthless. He wants the substation job done already.
– Hope/ fear – Now we’re really worried about the kids, but hope Kellen can find a way to save them.

ACT 3 – RESCUE

20. EXT/INT. KELLEN’S CABIN – DAY
Kellen arrives back at it, gears up to rescue the kids—and other things.
– Scene arc: From finding weapons and ammo to finding out that Jesse is really her nephew—and going back to the mining camp.
– Essence: Kellen readies herself for battle, and finds out valuable intel from Mara and also her sister, who asks how Jesse is doing.
– Conflict: Mara wants Kellen to take out the Koreans immediately. Kellen says no, not until the kids are freed—and her nephew Jesse.
– Subtext: Kellen’s hidden identity is that of a covert Homeland Security agent on-call to identify and take out domestic terrorist threats. We also see her Green Beret. She’s the sniper that put off Knox five years ago in Kabul in Afghanistan.
– Hope/fear – We hope she can accomplish both objectives, but fear it will be one or the other.

21. EXT. SUBSTATION – DAY
Knox consults with the (North) Koreans. They’re nearly done, but can’t deal with anymore distractions.
– Scene arc: From consulting with Koreans to sniper fire, dead Insurgents, and escaping children.
– Essence: Knox reassures the Koreans and breathes easier, but at the same time hears of sniper fire and his men dying. Kellen is once again stirring things up.
– Conflict: The Koreans are angry—no more distractions.
– Subtext: Both Koreans and Knox’s “patriots” know that they could well fail if things don’t happen soon.
– Hope/fear – Knox hopes he can buy more time for the operation, but fears whoever is killing his men, making that more difficult.

22. EXT. WOODS, MEADOWS NEAR MINING CAMP – DAY
Kellen prowls around, finds Knox’s men, and picks them off with pinpoint accuracy. Their human shields are useless, mostly because they’re too small.
– Scene arc: from live insurgents to dead ones, but kids still hooked to the dead bodies.
– Essence: Kellen can shoot the men, but it doesn’t really free the kids.
– Conflict: Within Kellen: do I go out of hiding to cut the kids loose, or kill more insurgents.
– Subtext: Kellen faces an impossible dilemma
– Hope/fear: She hopes to free the kids, but can’t without doing something lethally risky.

23. INT. MINE – DAY
Jesse and Allison, still held there, see the increased agitation as panicked insurgents return and tell their guards what’s happening.
– Scene arc: from prisoner to human shield, to free at last
– Essence: Just as Jesse’s hauled off to be a human shield for a guard who will force the sniper out, Kellen shows up, shoots the other two guards, and frees Allison.
– Conflict: One trained sniper v. two insurgents. No contest.
– Subtext: Kellen still has to deal with the substation.
– Hope/fear: Kellen hopes her plan to eliminate guards and free kids will be quick enough to stop the sabotage of the substation, but isn’t sure.

ACT 4 – AN ELECTRIFYING CLIMAX

Sequence arc: From two forces desperately working against each other to Kellen and Jesse foiling Knox’s plan, though Knox himself gets away.

25. EXT. MINING CAMP – DAY

Kellen kills the guard with Jesse. She sends Allison with a knife to free the students while she and Jesse head to the substation.
– Essence: Two plans are set in motion, both of which need to succeed in order to save two-thirds of CA from complete blackout and/or one or more of the kids being killed.
– Conflict: Jesse doesn’t want Allison to go alone, but he’s needed at the substation for his tech skills.
– Subtext: Jesse and Allison have deep feelings for each other, etc.
– Hope/fear: Kellen hopes that these plans will both succeed, but fears that something will go wrong.

EXT. SUBSTATION/MINING CAMP PERIMETER – MINUTES LATER.

26. ON THE PERIMETER…
– Essence: Allison runs around, using her knife to cut kids from their dead or dying guard.
– Conflict: In a couple instances, the guards aren’t dead, and she must kill them. One even has a gun, fires it wildly. Allison savagely destroys each of their lives.
– Subtext: A person can do unheard of things when they’re more focused on saving someone else rather than just themselves.
– Hope/fear: Allison hopes she’ll save the kids, but fears for their lives.

27. AT THE SUBSTATION…
– Essence: Magnesium charges on the substation are set off. The heat melts the metal. As this happens, Jesse works with a laptop to stop a virus and Kellen engages with Asians and Knox.
– Conflict: Kellen v. Asians and Knox. The fighting is tough, physical, and with handguns, knives, etc.
– Subtext: Electrical wires falling all around increase the danger for everyone.
– Hope/fear: Everyone wants to win, because if they don’t, they’ll die.

28. ON THE PERIMETER…
– Essence: Success! Allison frees all the kids. They gather to wait for the others.
– Conflict: Allison works hard to calm the kids down, who are afraid and just want to go home.
– Subtext: 12 year-olds are still just little kids who want their parents when they’re scared.
– Hope/fear: Allison hopes that Kellen and Jesse will return soon, fears they won’t.

29. AT THE SUBSTATION…
– Essence: Kellen kills everyone, then has it out with Knox himself. Jesse finds a unique way to take care of the computer virus.
– Conflict: Kellen v. Knox. A really nasty, very even struggle. Jesse v. a computer uploading a virus that will crash electrical systems in two-thirds of California.
– Subtext: Kellen and Jesse better come through…
– Hope/fear: Knox hopes that he can occupy Kellen enough to accomplish his mission, but fears she may have help.

RESOLUTIONS

30. EXT. SUBSTATION – DAY
– Scene Arc: From tense conflicts to final resolution
– Essence: Jesse finally just busts the computer with a big rock, Kellen prevails over Knox, but he’s able to escape
– Conflict: Jesse v. computer virus, Kellen v. Knox.
– Subtext: Mission accomplished…mostly, anyway.
– Hope/fear: Everyone hopes that now things can get back to normal, but fears things may never be the same.

31. EXT: OUTDOOR SCHOOL – DAY
– Scene arc: From joyous reunions to everyone heading home.
– Essence: As students/counselors leave, Kellen connects in a new way with Jesse, and hears from Mara.
– Conflict: Jesse wants Kellen to come home with him, stay awhile, Kellen will try later, but official business calls.
– Subtext: Mara’s got good news and bad news for Kellen, but Kellen was successful—northern CA still has power.
– Hope/fear: Jesse’s relieved and hopeful for time with her family, but fears the country may never be the same.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Intriguing Moments

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that, for the most part, I’ve got quite a bit of intrigue already in this story. However, it was really cool to use the AI prompt, because it came up with a number of other great areas of intrigue that I hadn’t thought of previously that both create intrigue and help make the general plot a better story! Those that I liked I worked into my list of intrigue moments.

Intriguing moments in “TOUGH ASSIGNMENT”

ACT 1
– Intrigue: Who’s the sniper on the bus roof that threatens Knox when he won’t obey their commanding officer?
FIVE YEARS LATER
– Mystery: Kellen wakes with a start. Was she having a dream? Was it a dream of the scene before?
– Mystery: Kellen runs an American Ninja style fitness course early in the morning, shoots arrows, throws knives, shoots with a target rifle. Why?
– Covert Agenda – Knox and a group of men hike up to an old mining town disguised as electrical workers and miners. They carry crates of unknown materials, also digging tools. Knox carries a pistol.
– Hidden Identity: a few of the men appear more cerebral, Asian, and carry technical electronic stuff.
– Conspiracy: Knox’s activity appears to center around both the old mine town and a modern electrical substation directly behind it.
– Mystery: Kellen is pulled out of breakfast for a phone call from Mara Jenson, a former comrade and now cybersecurity expert, who asks her to please check out an electrical substation nearby for any suspicious activity—it could save California’s entire electrical grid.
– Mystery: At the old mining town, Knox and crew unpack mining tools, and also assault rifles, which they keep out of sight. The Asians go to work at the substation.
– Kellen meets her group—seven 6th graders and two counselors—and tells them that they’re going to the old mining town for their hike.
– Superior position: The audience knows that dangerous people are there and something’s fishy.
– Jesse, one of the counselors, casually asks Kellen if she’s got family close by. Cover-up: Jesse knows that Kellen is his aunt, but he hasn’t seen her in ten years and wants to know if she even recognizes her.
– Cover-up: Jesse and Allison, the female counselor, make eyes and smiles at each other while hiking along,
– Intrigue: The man giving the mining presentation to the coming students shows up and is adamant about giving his presentation to the students. Knox shoots him dead, hides the body.
– Intrigue: Kellen arrives with the group, sees all the people there, but no one to give the presentation.
– Cover-up, hidden identity: Knox acts as if he and his men are there in the man’s place, starts getting out supplies for the kids.
– Hidden identity: Kellen seems to remember Knox from somewhere. She quietly tells Jesse and Allison to move the kids on out, but one of the kids sees the dead body of the mining teacher, screams!
– **Intrigue: Discovery of Suspicious Activity**
– – **Moment**: Kellen notices strange equipment and unfamiliar faces in the mining town.
– – **Details**: While leading her class, Kellen spots sophisticated communication gear among the seemingly benign mining tools. Her military instincts are piqued. She subtly informs Allison, her fellow counselor, but keeps the kids unaware. This moment sets the tone for the underlying threat.

ACT 2
– Cover-up, Hidden Identity: When the sheriff and SWAT team arrive, Knox plays nice, “negotiates” with them for the hostage kids, but he’s really just stalling for time so his men can get out their heavier weapons.
– Superior position: The audience can see that the SWAT team will be out-gunned and overmatched, but the SWAT team thinks they have the upper hand.
– Conspiracy, Hidden identity: Kellen, who has escaped, approaches the electrical substation, sees the Asians and hears them talk in Korean, a language she understands a little. Some set explosives, a couple enter data into a laptop computer. And yet, they all wear PG&E electrical worker outfits.
– Covert agenda: as the battle rages between SWAT and Knox’s men, Kellen finds where Jesse and the other kids, tells them that she’ll be back to rescue them, but they can’t leave now because of all the fighting going on.
– **Mystery: Gabriel Knox's Hidden Agenda**
– – **Moment**: Kellen hears a mention of a higher authority.
– – **Details**: During the fight, Kellen overhears Gabriel Knox on a secure line, referencing orders from an unknown superior. This introduces a new layer of mystery regarding the true masterminds behind the attack, suggesting that Knox might be just a pawn in a larger scheme.

ACT 3
– Conspiracy: Mara contacts Kellen, she must protect the substation. Electrical grids are going down all across the country. Everything seems coordinated.
– Hidden Identity: Kellen pulls out hidden weapons and ammunition from her cabin. She’s actually a former Green Beret sniper (from her own traumatic dreams) who still serves with a special unit of the National Guard.
– Hidden Identity: Kellen’s sister calls her, wants to know how Jesse is doing. Kellen’s shocked to learn that her long-lost nephew is the male counselor in her group—and a hostage of Knox and his insurgents.
– Covert agenda: Knox is told by the Korean techies that they’re ready to upload the malware into the computer of a supervisor who they killed. Then they’ll blow the substation.

ACT 4
– Hidden Identity: Kellen discovers that Jesse is also very computer savvy. He comes with her to stop the Koreans.
– Hidden Identity: Knox discovers as he and Kellen fight it out, that she’s the one that was responsible for leaving he and his party in Afghanistan years before.
– Secret: Attacks were made all around the country by a secret alliance of authoritarian individuals and regimes. Kellen had saved the entire West Coast from a total power outage, which would have allowed soldiers from that alliance to come ashore, establish control, and take over the US.

– **Cover Up: Concealing the Full Scope of the Threat**
– – **Moment**: Authorities downplay the cyber attack.
– – **Details**: After the dust settles, Kellen learns that the full extent of the cyber attack and the militia's true goals are being downplayed by the authorities to avoid public panic. This cover-up hints at potential future threats and the ongoing battle Kellen might face.

– 4. **Mystery: Mara Jensen's Unrevealed Connection**
– – **Moment**: Mara Jensen's cryptic message.
– – **Details**: In the resolution, Mara Jensen contacts Kellen with a cryptic message, suggesting that the substation was part of a larger network of attacks. This leaves the door open for potential sequels and adds an element of lingering mystery to the story.
–

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Emotional Moments

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that there are many emotional moments in this story. I think I’ll need to refine some things, mostly while writing the script, that will make them more powerfully presented.

EMOTIONAL MOMENTS IN “TOUGH ASSIGNMENT”

Positive Emotions
* Surprise
* Bonding
* Excitement
* Courage
* Success/Winning
* Love
Negative Emotions
* Wounds
* Emotional Dilemma
* Betrayal
* Moral issue
* Hidden weakness
* Distress
* Sacrifice

ACT 1

Emotional Dilemma – Kellen tells Knox that he can’t bring his people onto the bus—she can only take certain people. But then Knox’s clients will be left behind and potentially die. Also, as she leaves, she must leave another family.

Wound – Kellen awakes. She’s still dreaming that same dream five years later.

Surprise – The kid Kellen is punishing by not being able to go on enrichment trips that day discovers that he won’t have to just sit in the office. He’ll get to help out in the kitchen, something that sounds fun and important.

Moral Issue – Kellen decides to basically ignore Mara’s warning about terrorist plans to hit soft targets like electrical substations in favor of doing a good job with the student field trip she’s leading.

Betrayal – Jesse discovers that Kellen, his long-lost aunt, doesn’t even recognize him when he looks her directly in the eye.

Love – Jesse and Allison make eyes at one another, etc. as the group hikes along.

Distress – Knox kills the old man who runs the mining town presentation without a single thought—and Kellen and the kids are going to the same place.

Distress/Emotional Dilemma – Kellen screams in frustration after Knox captures her students and shoots Allison.

ACT 2

Distress as…
– Jesse and the kids see Knox’s men unpack heavy weapons.
– Kellen mounts a rescue effort to get the kids out and sees ominous activity going on around the substation.
– The battle between Knox’s men and the SWAT team rages, and the SWAT team is destroyed.
– Kellen can get to the kids, but can’t get them out.

Hope – Kellen tells the kids and Jesse that she will be back.

ACT 3

Surprises when…
– Kellen goes back to the Outdoor school and finds orders to take out Knox.
– She’s called by her sister, who wonders how Jesse’s doing. Kellen discovers for the first time that Jesse’s his sister’s son—and her nephew.
– Kellen gears up with sniper rifle, etc. that she’s mostly had hidden. We discover that she’s been the one in all of her dreams.

Distress – Kellen realizes that her nephew is among Knox’s hostages.

Distress/Fear – Jesse and the kids find out they’ll be used as human shields.

Courage – Kellen, now all geared up, heads back to the mining town ready to take on Knox and his men, save the hostages.

ACT 4

Courage as…
– Kellen battles with the Koreans as they blow up the substation.
– She finds Knox, battles to the death (Knox’s) with him.
– Jesse braves the live wires of the destroyed substation to smash the Korean’s computer before it can download a virus into the electrical grid.

Success/winning as…
– the hostage kids are able to run away unharmed
– Knox’s plan to take down CA’s electrical grid are foiled

Bonding – Kellen is finally able to properly relate to Jesse as her nephew, not just as the teacher in charge of his group.

Love – As Jesse discovers that Allison’s alive and recuperating. They go visit her.

AI RESPONSE TO PROMPT

Act 1: Setup

Emotional Moment 1: Surprise

Scene: The hike begins, and Kellen gets a call from Mara Jensen.
Details: Kellen is pleasantly surprised to hear from Mara, an old friend, which brings a brief, warm moment of nostalgia and joy. This surprise adds a personal touch to Kellen’s otherwise routine day, highlighting her connection to her past life before she became a teacher.

Emotional Moment 2: Distress

Scene: A student discovers the dead body of the mining town teacher.
Details: The students scream and panic, which triggers Kellen’s protective instincts. Her distress is palpable as she tries to calm the students and assess the dangerous situation, making the stakes immediately clear.

Emotional Moment 3: Courage

Scene: Kellen and Allison decide to run for help after hiding the students.
Details: Despite the overwhelming danger, Kellen’s courage shines as she takes decisive action to protect her students. Allison’s injury amplifies this moment, showing Kellen’s determination and bravery as she faces the armed threat.

Emotional Moment 4: Trigger Their Wounds

Scene: Kellen escapes but Allison is shot and wounded.
Details: This moment triggers Kellen’s internal wounds from her past military experiences, where she might have lost comrades. Her guilt and frustration are evident as she’s torn between staying to help Allison and going to get help, highlighting her inner conflict and emotional depth.

Act 2: Escalation

Emotional Moment 1: Bonding

Scene: Kellen contacts the outdoor school with an emergency code.
Details: The connection with her colleagues at the outdoor school strengthens her resolve. Their supportive and urgent responses emphasize the strong bonds Kellen has formed in her new life, contrasting her past solitary military career.

Emotional Moment 2: Distress

Scene: The Sheriff and SWAT team arrive, and the ensuing battle goes badly.
Details: As Kellen watches the battle unfold and sees the SWAT team being beaten back, her distress and helplessness grow. This moment tests her resolve and strategy, increasing the tension and stakes.

Emotional Moment 3: Excitement

Scene: Kellen sneaks behind the miners and overhears them talking in Korean.
Details: The adrenaline spikes as Kellen uses her military skills to gather intelligence. The thrill of this covert operation contrasts sharply with her earlier distress, showcasing her versatility and resourcefulness.

Emotional Moment 4: Emotional Dilemma

Scene: Kellen must decide whether to return to the outdoor school or stay and gather more intel.
Details: Torn between her duty to her students and the need to gather crucial information, Kellen’s emotional dilemma adds depth to her character. Her decision to go back highlights her protective nature and prioritization of immediate safety over strategic advantage.

Act 3: Deepening Complications and Inner Conflict

Emotional Moment 1: Trigger Their Wounds

Scene: Kellen re-arms herself with her old sniper rifle, pistol, and combat knife.
Details: Handling her old weapons brings back memories of past missions and losses, triggering her internal wounds. This moment is charged with emotion as Kellen readies herself for the upcoming battle, blending past and present conflicts.

Emotional Moment 2: Surprise

Scene: Kellen learns that Jesse is her nephew.
Details: The revelation of Jesse’s true identity shocks Kellen, adding a personal stake to her mission. The surprise strengthens her resolve to rescue him and protect her family, deepening her emotional investment in the conflict.

Emotional Moment 3: Courage

Scene: Kellen picks off Gabriel’s men, ensuring the kids’ escape.
Details: This act of courage under fire highlights Kellen’s tactical brilliance and unwavering bravery. Her willingness to risk her life for the students underscores her dedication and heroism.

Emotional Moment 4: Sacrifice

Scene: Jesse disables the Korean’s computer just before it can download the virus.
Details: Jesse’s action is a significant sacrifice, risking his life to prevent the cyber attack. This moment of heroism parallels Kellen’s courage and reinforces their bond, showing the family’s shared strength and bravery.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution

Emotional Moment 1: Excitement

Scene: Kellen chases down and kills the Koreans.
Details: The high-paced action and excitement of the chase and confrontation with the Koreans keep the audience on edge. Kellen’s tactical prowess and relentless pursuit highlight her determination to see justice done.

Emotional Moment 2: Betrayal

Scene: Confrontation with Gabriel Knox.
Details: Gabriel’s taunts about his lawyer getting him off and his plans to escape betray any remaining personal loyalty or camaraderie from their past. This betrayal intensifies Kellen’s rage and sense of justice.

Emotional Moment 3: Moral Issue

Scene: Kellen contemplates killing Gabriel but decides to take him in.
Details: The moral dilemma of killing Gabriel in cold blood versus taking him in alive showcases Kellen’s internal struggle between vengeance and justice. Her decision to arrest him, despite his taunts, reflects her moral integrity and growth.

Emotional Moment 4: Love

Scene: Kellen and Jesse are hailed as heroes.
Details: The resolution is filled with love and appreciation from the community. Kellen and Jesse’s bond is stronger than ever, and the acknowledgment from their peers provides a heartwarming conclusion to their ordeal, celebrating their courage and sacrifice.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Setups and Reveals

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that there are lots of setup/reveal situations that I want to do, but could only put a few here. These I think are the major ones. Perhaps I’ll think of more later, or better ways to set them up, reveal them, etc.

SOME SETUPS/REVEALS

Act 1 Reveal – That Kellen remembers Gabriel Knox from a tragic incident in Afghanistan. His were the mercenary soldiers that she had to leave behind, along with the family they were protecting, but he doesn’t remember her until Act 3?.

When will it be revealed? When Kellen and he meet at the old mining town when she brings her field trip group there.

What setups will there need to be. Kellen’s PTSD style dreams, flashbacks, etc. will replay the moment when she had to tell him he couldn’t go with them

The setups will go as part of Act 1.

Act 1 Reveal – Knox and his men are up to some very bad stuff

It will be revealed when the retired miner/teacher shows up to set up for his presentation when Kellen’s kids get there.

Setups: They will be in Act 1 as Knox and his men cast aside a bunch of mining stuff and appear to be carrying weapons, etc.

This reveal will actually come with very little setup. The retired teacher will be shot by Knox or one of his men within the first few pages of the script. It’s there for shock value and to show Knox for what he is—a ruthless killer with bad companions and an evil plan to carry out.

Act 2 Reveal – Jesse and Allison are boyfriend and girlfriend

When will it be revealed: When Kellen shows up during the fight with the SWAT team and tells Jesse he and the kids can’t come with her.

What setups will be needed: The two will secretly smile at each other, etc. during Act 1, other niceties, etc. When Allison is shot during the inciting incident, Jesse must cover his panic because he’s in charge of the kids.

Act 2 Reveal – What Knox and his men are doing has national and international implications.

It will be revealed: when Kellen slips around to see the Asian guys messing around on computers and laying explosives around the nearby electrical substation.

Setups will include the guys talking in Korean, and some of Kellen’s communications with her friend Mara Jenson. Perhaps a news report??

Some setups will come earlier in Act 1 and 2

Act 3 Reveal – Kellen was once an elite soldier, a Green Beret, and was a sniper.

This will be revealed when Kellen goes back to her house after the SWAT team is destroyed.

Setups will be through her flashbacks in Act 1 and 2, and also at the very beginning when she demonstrates her physical prowess. There will be one where we’ll see her old sniper gun, that supposedly has no ammo, a trunk that she keeps old things in that prompts flashbacks, etc.

Act 4 Reveal – Kellen finds out that Jesse is her nephew from way back.

This will be revealed just before Kellen goes back in to rescue the kids near the end of Act 3—her sister will give her a call???

Setups will be sprinkled all throughout Acts 1,2, and 3, because Jesse DOES know that Kellen is his aunt, but he’s shy, withdrawn, and hurt, and wants to see if she’ll know him at all by anything, so he keeps dropping little hints, all of which she doesn’t know what’s going on.

TOUGH ASSIGNMENT – Plot-Hole filling Beat Sheet with Action Track and some SetUp/Reveals

ACT 1 – A HIKE TURNS INTO A DISASTER

PJ1 – A war scene in Afghanistan. Kellen picks off Taliban with a sniper rifle while civilians hurry to waiting trucks. Confusion, explosions, a real mess—not enough room for everybody.
– Setup 1 – Kellen explains to an officer with a private contractor protection service (Gabriel Knox) that the family that he’s protecting—Japanese nationals—cannot come aboard their truck she’s protecting. There’s only room for American nationals and Afghanis that worked with them. They argue. Kellen stands firm. Knox cusses her out, leaves with the family.
– Action Track: Kellen not only picks off Taliban, but as the last few people are coming in she chases some down, shoots them with handgun, uses knife, etc. but is ordered to board truck while a family desperately is trying to make it before the truck leaves. They’re left behind.

FIVE YEARS LATER

PJ1A – Kellen awakes with a start in a quaint cabin.

PJ1B – Kellen whips through a very difficult “American Ninja” style course in the early morning, that includes shooting at targets with various weapons, etc., then finishes at her cabin…
– Action Track: Kellen throws knives at targets, shoots arrows, shoots target rifles at targets, runs uphill, downhill over all sorts of terrain, etc. She bulls-eyes everything (or most everything). As she does, she hears sounds of combat, screams of people, flashbacks of a family frantically crying as she pulls away in a truck, then some being shot, others grabbed by Taliban.

AJ1 – Gabriel Knox and others hike into an old mining camp in Sierra Nevada foot hills. A dozen people, armed to the teeth plus 4 Asians. The Asians are dressed like PG&E workers.
– Action Track: Knox leads everyone, tells others where to go, stacks weapons in the abandoned mine, speaks to one of the Asians in English about where to go, what to do. He goes with them, checks out a PG&E substation. He personally unpacks mining gear like pick-axes, shovels, gold pans, etc.

PJ2 – Kellen heads out of her cabin into a large Outdoor Education complex, heads for the dining hall with students, counselors.
– Action Track: she passes the school’s “principal,” who looks hopefully, but Kellen draws her finger across her neck, hurries by her.

– She has to talk with a student about not going on the enrichment trip that they’ll be going on that day—he’s going home instead, disciplinary enforcement.

AJ2 – Knox and crew stash ammo, explosives, weapons in the mine. Asians go to an electrical substation behind the mining camp.

– Kellen’s eating breakfast—yummy cinnamon rolls—when she’s called away to the phone.

PJ 3 – Mara Jenson, Kellen’s former comrade, now in cybersecurity calls. Some kind of cyber/physical attack on electrical grid is imminent in CA, soft targets especially vulnerable. Kellen’s too busy to talk.

– Mara specifically wants Kellen to check out a PG&E substation nearby. Kellen says she’ll see. She’ll be up there later, but will have students and counselors with her.

PJ4 – Two counselors bring Kellen’s group to her, 7 students. One counselor is Jesse, her nephew, the other Allison.

– Kellen banters with the students. It’s evident that she’s really good with kids, but maybe not so much with her nephew.
– Action Track: She goes through the days plan with Jesse and Allison. Allison’s all smiles, Jesse sits shyly with her.
– Jesse asks Kellen a direct question, waits for an answer, looks directly at Kellen. She answers it but just goes about her business. Jesse seems disappointed, Allison sympathetic.

– DEEPER LAYER: Kellen’s been absent from Jesse’s life for years—and he’s shy and confused about it.
– SETUP/REVEAL – Kellen doesn’t know that Jesse is her sister’s son, he’s grown all up since she saw him last ten years ago. Also, Jesse and Allison are boyfriend and girlfriend, secretly of course.

AJ3 – The guy who runs the mining camp shows up. Knox kills him when he won’t just go away. The body’s stashed in the old mine.
– Action Track: Knox is too methodical in this killing. He does it like it’s just a business as usual thing—no regard at all for the person’s life.

PJ5 – Kellen leads her group through the woods. They talk about gold-panning, seeing the old mine, etc.
– Allison walks near Kellen, Jesse brings up the rear. Jesse and Allison catch each other’s eyes occasionally, smile.

INCITING INCIDENT – Kellen’s group arrives at the mine, see Gabe’s group there. She remembers him—he haunts her dreams incessantly. She and kids start to leave, but someone sees the body, screams. Kids run, but are captured by Gabe’s men, Kellen and Allison escape.
– Action Track: Allison’s slower, screams for Kellen to wait. Kellen goes back for her, but Gabe shoots Allison, wounds her badly just before Kellen gets there

– DEEPER LAYER: Knox’s men were left behind in Afghanistan in same incident that was in Kellen’s dream.

TURNING PT. 1 – Kellen carries Allison to safety, contacts the Outdoor Camp. They call in the Sheriff. Kellen burns with anger, revenge.

– Action Track: Kellen carries Allison’s body with her out of range and into some cover, weeps and pounds the ground, screams out animal-like.

– Kellen sees flashbacks of a woman shot from behind while trying to escape in Afghanistan.

– Jesse sees what happens, stops himself from running after Allison with difficulty. The students are all around him, terrified, and men with guns hold them captive.

PJ6 – Kellen calls Mara back, gets more details. There seem to be a few random attacks on the electrical grid underway, cyber attacks mostly. Kellen tells her what’s happening where she’s at.

AJ4 – Knox orders kids into the mine. Jesse is with them. Knox orders three armed guards, a woman and two guys, to watch them.
– Action Track: Jesse calms down the kids, says they’ll be alright, but privately looks very worried.

AJ5 – Knox and others hunt for Kellen. He finds one of his men dead, his throat slit. Knox calls out—she kills anymore of his men, one of her students dies.

– Action Track: Kellen cleans a tactical knife in a nearby creek. She hears Knox’s ultimatum, grimaces.

ACT 2 – THE MASSACRE

GC – Sheriff arrives with SWAT team and hostage negotiator. They fan out around the mining camp.

AJ6 – Knox orders his people to break out the “big stuff”. Jesse and kids watch as Knox’s militia assemble grenade launchers, shoulder-fired missile launcher, grab assault rifles with tons of ammo, etc.

AJ7 – Knox “negotiates” with hostage negotiator.

– Action Tracks: Kellen sees, hears what’s going on.
– Knox says that he and his men have some work to get done there. As long as they’re not interfered with, the kids will live.
– Negotiator says that that’s not possible—he may be engaged in illegal activities and they need to take a look.
– Sheriff’s men continue to surround Knox and men, but Knox sees it all, shows his people where to go while he talks.

PJ7 – Kellen sneaks around, tries to find a way to get the kids out before what she knows is coming. She passes by the substation. Asians are carefully setting explosives. One works on a laptop computer. There’s a dead man in a PG&E outfit near that one.

– DEEPER LAYER – The Asians talk in Korean, a language Kellen is familiar with from her Army days. Knox is working with North Koreans!

PJ8 – Kellen snaps pics, texts them to Mara.

AJ8 – Knox calls off negotiations.

Turning Point 2/MIDPOINT – Sheriff’s guys start moving in. Knox gives the order to fire. All Hell breaks loose!
– Action Track: Kellen dashes through the mayhem and…

PJ9 – Kellen reaches the mine shaft, kills the lone guard (others are fighting SWAT). She tells Jesse and kids to stay tight—too dangerous to try to escape at the moment She’s leaving…but will be back. Jesse asks about Allison, but Kellen’s gone.

GC – Big battle. SWAT is outgunned and utterly destroyed. Sheriff backs off.
– Action Track: Knox orders his people to gear back up, then patrol the perimeter. Each is to have a kid as a hostage.

ACT 3 – RESCUE

PJ10 – Kellen heads back to her cabin at the Outdoor School. The place is on lockdown—feels deserted. She gears up with her old sniper rifle, a pistol, and some ammo that she keeps in hidden places.

– She finally is able to read Mara’s text back. Cyber attacks have stopped in other places. Do whatever she can to stop the Koreans (she confirms that), then take down Knox. Somehow, it’s all an inside job.
– Her sister, Jesse’s mother, calls her. How’s Jesse?
– REVEAL: Kellen discovers that Jesse is actually her nephew. She’s horrified at the danger that he’s in, but doesn’t tell her sister.

AJ9 – Gabriel consults with Koreans. Their work is nearly done “the code is nearly ready to be launched into the service man’s laptop.” But they can’t have more distractions.

– Knox confronts Jesse and the hostages, says it’s time for them to earn their keep.

AJ10 – Gabe orders most of his men to each grab a hostage, use them as a human shield, and patrol the perimeter of the area. He tells the hostages that if they try to escape, they’ll be shot.

– DEEPER LAYER: Knox knows that Kellen’s an ex-Green Beret sniper that had held off Taliban but was forced to leave without his unit.

PJ11 – Kellen returns, picks off some of Knox’s men despite their human shields. Kids run away as Jesse had instructed them if they had the chance.

– DEEPER LAYER: Kellen struggles mightily with her aim. Each time, she sees an Afghan child held back by a US Marine not letting them get onto a helicopter or truck.

GC – Koreans finish their job, begin uploading malware code into the PG&E system.

AJ11 – Knox gears up to protect the substation, orders any other men to drop their human shield and get to the substation.

– REVEAL: Jesse’s let go, he runs and Kellen grabs him, holds him tight. They both head to the substation because Jesse refuses to run—he’s good with computers, maybe he can help.

TURNING POINT 3 – Kellen gets there first, battles Koreans. Computer continues to upload.

ACT 4 – An electrifying climax…and sobering resolution

CLIMAX – Kellen finishes off Koreans as they set off charges, blow up the substation. Live wires everywhere. A couple of Knox’s men get zapped, Kellen takes care of others.

Aj12/PJ12 – Kellen faces Knox, they battle it out furiously. as this happens…

GC – Jesse heads for the computer. He braves live wires, finds it—the upload’s nearly done. He tries to stop it by shutting down the computer, but it doesn’t work. He finally just smashes it with a rock.

GC/AJ/PJ13/REVEAL- Kellen gets the upper hand on Knox as they settle scores old and new. She finally pins him down, says he’ll look real good in orange. Knox laughs, says he’ll just get off in a trial—didn’t she know how rigged the system was? She lets him go, he grabs a gun, fires wildly at her. She shoots him dead. “Assignment complete” she intones.

RESOLUTION: CA is safe, but the rest of the country???

PJ14 – Kellen finds her phone when it rings nearby. It’s Mara Jenson.

GC – PG&E had isolated the substation from their grid, and the malware hadn’t quite made it into the system, so just a few other substations went down when theirs blew—no massive power outage. Things are suspicious, though, the way the other attacks just suddenly stopped.

PJ15 – Kellen and Jesse are hailed as a heroes at the school, and they find Allison, who seems to be doing better, though severely wounded. Jesse gives her a big kiss (REVEAL).

– Kellen and Jesse have a new closeness. He says he might like to work there after HS or while going to college. She’s all for it!

The End

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Character Action Tracks

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that it was interesting to figure out actions that the main characters that I hadn’t thought of before. This is an “action” script, so there needs to be a lot of it, with higher stakes as it goes along.

TOUGH ASSIGNMENT – Plot-Hole filling Beat Sheet with Action Track

ACT 1 – A HIKE TURNS INTO A DISASTER

PJ1 – A war scene in Afghanistan. Kellen picks off Taliban with a sniper rifle while civilians hurry to waiting trucks. Confusion, explosions, a real mess—not enough room for everybody.
– Action Track: Kellen not only picks off Taliban, but as the last few people are coming in she chases some down, shoots them with handgun, uses knife, etc. but is ordered to board truck while a family desperately is trying to make it before the truck leaves. They’re left behind.

OR – Kellen whips through a very difficult “American Ninja” style course in the early morning, that includes shooting at targets with various weapons, etc., then finishes at her cabin…
– Action Track: Kellen throws knives at targets, shoots arrows, shoots target rifles at targets, runs uphill, downhill over all sorts of terrain, etc. She bulls-eyes everything (or most everything). As she does, she hears sounds of combat, screams of people, flashbacks of a family frantically crying as she pulls away in a truck, then some being shot, others grabbed by Taliban.

AJ1 – Gabriel Knox and others hike into an old mining camp in Sierra Nevada foot hills. A dozen people, armed to the teeth plus 4 Asians. The Asians are dressed like PG&E workers.
– Action Track: Knox leads everyone, tells others where to go, stacks weapons in the abandoned mine, speaks to one of the Asians in English about where to go, what to do. He goes with them, checks out a PG&E substation. He personally unpacks mining gear like pick-axes, shovels, gold pans, etc.

PJ2 – Kellen awakes from her dream, heads out of her cabin into a large Outdoor Education complex, heads for the dining hall with students, counselors.
– Action Track: she passes the school’s “principal,” who looks hopefully, but Kellen draws her finger across her neck, hurries by her.

– She has to talk with a student about not going on the enrichment trip that they’ll be going on that day—he’s going home instead, disciplinary enforcement.

AJ2 – Knox and crew stash ammo, explosives, weapons in the mine. Asians go to an electrical substation behind the mining camp.

– Kellen’s eating breakfast—yummy cinnamon rolls—when she’s called away to the phone.

PJ 3 – Mara Jenson, Kellen’s former comrade, now in cybersecurity calls. Some kind of cyber/physical attack on electrical grid is imminent in CA, soft targets especially vulnerable. Kellen’s too busy to talk.

– Mara specifically wants Kellen to check out a PG&E substation nearby. Kellen says she’ll see. She’ll be up there later, but will have students and counselors with her.

PJ4 – Two counselors bring Kellen’s group to her, 7 students. One counselor is Jesse, her nephew, the other Allison.

– Kellen banters with the students. It’s evident that she’s really good with kids, but maybe not so much with her nephew.
– Action Track: She goes through the days plan with Jesse and Allison. Allison’s all smiles, Jesse more skeptical.

– DEEPER LAYER: Kellen’s been absent from Jesse’s life for years—and he’s very bitter about it.

AJ3 – The guy who runs the mining camp shows up. Knox kills him when he won’t just go away. The body’s stashed in the old mine.
– Action Track: Knox is too methodical in this killing. He does it like it’s just a business as usual thing—no regard at all for the person’s life.

PJ5 – Kellen leads her group through the woods. They talk about gold-panning, seeing the old mine, etc.
– Allison walks near Kellen, Jesse brings up the rear.

INCITING INCIDENT – Kellen’s group arrives at the mine, see Gabe’s group there. She knows Gabe, senses danger. She and kids start to leave, but someone sees the body, screams. Kids run, but are captured by Gabe’s men, Kellen and Allison escape.
– Action Track: Allison’s slower, screams for Kellen to wait. Kellen goes back for her, but Gabe shoots Allison dead just before Kellen gets there

– DEEPER LAYER: Knox’s men were left behind in Afghanistan in same incident that was in Kellen’s dream.

TURNING PT. 1 – Kellen contacts the Outdoor Camp. They call in the Sheriff. She covers Allison’s body, burns with anger, revenge.

– Action Track: Kellen carries Allison’s body with her out of range and into some cover, weeps and pounds the ground, screams out animal-like.

– Kellen sees flashbacks of a woman shot from behind while trying to escape in Afghanistan.

– Jesse protectively keeps all the kids together, seems calm, doesn’t get panicky.

PJ6 – Kellen calls Mara back, gets more details. There seem to be a few random attacks on the electrical grid underway, cyber attacks mostly. Kellen tells her what’s happening where she’s at.

AJ4 – Knox orders kids into the mine. Jesse is with them. Knox orders three armed guards, a woman and two guys, to watch them.
– Action Track: Jesse calms down the kids, says they’ll be alright. He looks over everything that’s in the mine—the weapons, etc.

AJ5 – Knox and others hunt for Kellen. He finds one of his men dead, his throat slit. Knox calls out—she kills anymore of his men, one of her students dies.

– Action Track: Kellen cleans a tactical knife in a nearby creek. She hears Knox’s ultimatum, grimaces.

ACT 2 – THE MASSACRE

GC – Sheriff arrives with SWAT team and hostage negotiator. They fan out around the mining camp.

AJ6 – Knox orders his people to break out the “big stuff”. Jesse and kids watch as Knox’s militia assemble grenade launchers, shoulder-fired missile launcher, grab assault rifles with tons of ammo, etc.

AJ7 – Knox “negotiates” with hostage negotiator.

– Action Tracks: Kellen sees, hears what’s going on.
– Knox says that he and his men have some work to get done there. As long as they’re not interfered with, the kids will live.
– Negotiator says that that’s not possible—he may be engaged in illegal activities and they need to take a look.
– Sheriff’s men continue to surround Knox and men, but Knox sees it all, shows his people where to go while he talks.

PJ7 – Kellen sneaks around, tries to find a way to get the kids out before what she knows is coming. She passes by the substation. Asians are carefully setting explosives. One works on a laptop computer. There’s a dead man in a PG&E outfit near that one.

– DEEPER LAYER – The Asians talk in Korean, a language Kellen is familiar with from her Army days. Knox is working with North Koreans!

PJ8 – Kellen snaps pics, texts them to Mara.

AJ8 – Knox calls off negotiations.

Turning Point 2/MIDPOINT – Sheriff’s guys start moving in. Knox gives the order to fire. All Hell breaks loose!
– Action Track: Kellen dashes through the mayhem and…

PJ9 – Kellen reaches the mine shaft, kills the lone guard (others are fighting SWAT). She tells Jesse and kids to stay tight—too dangerous to try to escape at the moment She’s leaving…but will be back. She tells Jesse to wait for a diversion that she’ll try to create, then slip out. No one’s to be left behind.

GC – SWAT is utterly destroyed. Sheriff backs off.
– Action Track: Knox orders his people to gear back up, then patrol the perimeter. Each is to have a kid as a hostage.

ACT 3 – RESCUE

PJ10 – Kellen heads back to her cabin at the Outdoor School. The place is on lockdown—feels deserted. She gears up with her old sniper rifle, a pistol, and some ammo that she keeps in hidden places.

– She finally is able to read Mara’s text back. Cyber attacks have stopped in other places. Do whatever she can to stop the Koreans (she confirms that), then take down Knox. Somehow, it’s all an inside job.

AJ9 – Gabriel consults with Koreans. Their work is nearly done “the code is nearly ready to be launched into the service man’s laptop.” But they can’t have more distractions.

– Knox confronts Jesse and the hostages, says it’s time for them to earn their keep.

AJ10 – Gabe orders most of his men to each grab a hostage, use them as a human shield, and patrol the perimeter of the area. He tells the hostages that if they try to escape, they’ll be shot.

– DEEPER LAYER: Knox knows that Kellen’s an ex-Green Beret sniper that had held off Taliban but was forced to leave without his unit.

PJ11 – Kellen returns, picks off some of Knox’s men despite their human shields. Kids run away as Jesse had instructed them if they had the chance.

– DEEPER LAYER: Kellen struggles mightily with her aim. Each time, she sees an Afghan child held back by a US Marine not letting them get onto a helicopter or truck.

GC – Koreans finish their job, begin uploading malware code into the PG&E system.

AJ11 – Knox gears up to protect the substation, orders any other men to drop their human shield and get to the substation.

TURNING POINT 3 – Kellen gets there first, battles Koreans. Computer continues to upload.

ACT 4 – An electrifying climax…and sobering resolution

CLIMAX – Kellen finishes off Koreans as they set off charges, blow up the substation. Live wires everywhere. A couple of Knox’s men get zapped, Kellen takes care of others.

Aj12/PJ12 – Kellen faces Knox, they battle it out furiously. as this happens…

GC – Jesse appears, having escaped the cave. Kellen yells to him to find the computer, destroy it. He braves live wires, finds it—the upload’s nearly done. He tries to stop it by shutting down the computer, but it doesn’t work. He finally just smashes it with a rock.

GC/AJ/PJ13 – Kellen gets the upper hand on Knox as they settle scores old and new. She finally pins him down, says he’ll look real good in orange. Knox laughs, says he’ll just get off in a trial—didn’t she know how rigged the system was? She lets him go, he grabs a gun, fires wildly at her. She shoots him dead. “That’s for Allison” she intones.

RESOLUTION: CA is safe, but the rest of the country???

PJ14 – Kellen finds her phone when it rings nearby. It’s Mara Jenson.

GC – PG&E had isolated the substation from their grid, and the malware hadn’t quite made it into the system, so just a few other substations went down when theirs blew—no massive power outage. Things are suspicious, though, the way the other attacks just suddenly stopped.

PJ15 – Kellen and Jesse are hailed as a heroes at the school, the students all go home after a moment of silence to remember Allison.

– Kellen and Jesse have a new closeness. He says he might like to work there after HS or while going to college. She’s all for it, but worries about the rest of the country…

The End

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s New Outline Beats

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned while doing this lesson is that, besides plot holes, my beat sheet is really lacking in emotional moments, and a whole bunch of stuff that would make it truly special. Hopefully will be taken care of in coming lessons.

TOUGH ASSIGNMENT – Plot-Hole filling Beat Sheet

ACT 1 – A HIKE TURNS INTO A DISASTER

PJ1 – A war scene in Afghanistan. Kellen picks off Taliban with a sniper rifle while civilians hurry to waiting trucks. Confusion, explosions, a real mess—not enough room for everybody.

OR – Kellen whips through a very difficult “American Ninja” style course in the early morning, that includes shooting at targets with various weapons, etc., then finishes at her cabin…

AJ1 – Gabriel Knox and others hike into an old mining camp in Sierra Nevada foot hills. A dozen people, armed to the teeth plus 4 Asians. The Asians are dressed like PG&E workers.

PJ2 – Kellen awakes from her dream, heads out of her cabin into a large Outdoor Education complex, heads for the dining hall with students, counselors.

– She has to talk with a student about not going on the enrichment trip that they’ll be going on that day—he’s going home instead, disciplinary enforcement.

AJ2 – Knox and crew stash ammo, explosives, weapons in the mine. Asians go to an electrical substation behind the mining camp.

– Kellen’s eating breakfast—yummy cinnamon rolls—when she’s called away to the phone.

PJ 3 – Mara Jenson, Kellen’s former comrade, now in cybersecurity calls. Some kind of cyber/physical attack on electrical grid is imminent. Kellen’s too busy to talk.

– Mara specifically wants Kellen to check out a PG&E substation nearby. Kellen says she’ll see. She’ll be up there later, but will have students and counselors with her.

PJ4 – Two counselors bring Kellen’s group to her, 7 students. One counselor is Jesse, her nephew, the other Allison.

– Kellen banters with the students. It’s evident that she’s really good with kids, but maybe not so much with her nephew.

– DEEPER LAYER: Kellen’s been absent from Jesse’s life for years—and he’s very bitter about it.

AJ3 – The guy who runs the mining camp shows up. Knox kills him when he won’t just go away. The body’s stashed in the old mine.

PJ5 – Kellen leads her group through the woods. They talk about gold-panning, seeing the old mine, etc.

INCITING INCIDENT – Kellen’s group arrives at the mine, see Gabe’s group there. She knows Gabe, senses danger. She and kids start to leave, but someone sees the body, screams. Kids run, but are captured by Gabe’s men, Kellen and Allison escape, but Allison is shot, killed as they run.

– DEEPER LAYER: Knox’s men were left behind in Afghanistan in same incident that was in Kellen’s dream.

TURNING PT. 1 – Kellen contacts the Outdoor Camp. They call in the Sheriff. She covers Allison’s body, burns with anger, revenge.

– Kellen sees flashbacks of a woman shot from behind while trying to escape in Afghanistan.

PJ6 – Kellen calls Mara back, gets more details. There seem to be a few random attacks on the electrical grid underway, cyber attacks mostly. Kellen tells her what’s happening where she’s at.

AJ4 – Knox orders kids into the mine. Jesse is with them. Knox orders three armed guards, a woman and two guys, to watch them.

AJ5 – Knox and others hunt for Kellen. He finds one of his men dead, his throat slit. Knox calls out—she kills anymore of his men, one of her students dies.

– Kellen cleans a tactical knife in a nearby creek. She hears Knox’s ultimatum, grimaces.

ACT 2 – THE MASSACRE

GC – Sheriff arrives with SWAT team and hostage negotiator. They fan out around the mining camp.

AJ6 – Knox orders his people to break out the “big stuff”. Jesse and kids watch as Knox’s militia assemble grenade launchers, shoulder-fired missile launcher, grab assault rifles with tons of ammo, etc.

AJ7 – Knox “negotiates” with hostage negotiator.

– Kellen sees, hears what’s going on.
– Knox says that he and his men have some work to get done there. As long as they’re not interfered with, the kids will live.
– Negotiator says that that’s not possible—he may be engaged in illegal activities and they need to take a look.
– Sheriff’s men continue to surround Knox and men, but Knox sees it all, shows his people where to go while he talks.

PJ7 – Kellen sneaks around, tries to find a way to get the kids out before what she knows is coming. She passes by the substation. Asians are carefully setting explosives. One works on a laptop computer. There’s a dead man in a PG&E outfit near that one.

– DEEPER LAYER – The Asians talk in Korean, a language Kellen is familiar with from her Army days. Knox is working with North Koreans!

PJ8 – Kellen snaps pics, texts them to Mara.

AJ8 – Knox calls off negotiations.

Turning Point 2/MIDPOINT – Sheriff’s guys start moving in. Knox gives the order to fire. All Hell breaks loose!
– Kellen dashes through the mayhem and…

PJ9 – Kellen reaches the mine shaft, kills the lone guard (others are fighting SWAT). She tells Jesse and kids to stay tight—too dangerous to try to escape at the moment She’s leaving…but will be back. She tells Jesse to wait for a diversion that she’ll try to create, then slip out. No one’s to be left behind.

GC – SWAT is utterly destroyed. Sheriff backs off.

ACT 3 – RESCUE

PJ10 – Kellen heads back to her cabin at the Outdoor School. The place is on lockdown—feels deserted. She gears up with her old sniper rifle, a pistol, and some ammo that she keeps in hidden places.

– She finally is able to read Mara’s text back. Cyber attacks have stopped in other places. Do whatever she can to stop the Koreans (she confirms that), then take down Knox. Somehow, it’s all an inside job.

AJ9 – Gabriel consults with Koreans. Their work is nearly done “the code is nearly ready to be launched into the service man’s laptop.” But they can’t have more distractions.

– Knox confronts Jesse and the hostages, says it’s time for them to earn their keep.

AJ10 – Gabe orders most of his men to each grab a hostage, use them as a human shield, and patrol the perimeter of the area. He tells the hostages that if they try to escape, they’ll be shot.

– DEEPER LAYER: Knox knows that Kellen’s an ex-Green Beret sniper that had held off Taliban but was forced to leave without his unit.

PJ11 – Kellen returns, picks off some of Knox’s men despite their human shields. Kids run away as Jesse had instructed them if they had the chance.

– DEEPER LAYER: Kellen struggles mightily with her aim. Each time, she sees an Afghan child held back by a US Marine not letting them get onto a helicopter or truck.

GC – Koreans finish their job, begin uploading malware code into the PG&E system.

AJ11 – Knox gears up to protect the substation, orders any other men to drop their human shield and get to the substation.

TURNING POINT 3 – Kellen gets there first, battles Koreans. Computer continues to upload.

ACT 4 – An electrifying climax…and sobering resolution

CLIMAX – Kellen finishes off Koreans as they set off charges, blow up the substation. Live wires everywhere. A couple of Knox’s men get zapped, Kellen takes care of others.

Aj12/PJ12 – Kellen faces Knox, they battle it out furiously. as this happens…

GC – Jesse appears, having escaped the cave. Kellen yells to him to find the computer, destroy it. He braves live wires, finds it—the upload’s nearly done. He tries to stop it by shutting down the computer, but it doesn’t work. He finally just smashes it with a rock.

GC/AJ/PJ13 – Kellen gets the upper hand on Knox as they settle scores old and new. She finally pins him down, says he’ll look real good in orange. Knox laughs, says he’ll just get off in a trial—didn’t she know how rigged the system was? She lets him go, he grabs a gun, fires wildly at her. She shoots him dead. “That’s for Allison” she intones.

RESOLUTION: CA is safe, but the rest of the country???

PJ14 – Kellen finds her phone when it rings nearby. It’s Mara Jenson.

GC – PG&E had isolated the substation from their grid, and the malware hadn’t quite made it into the system, so just a few other substations went down when theirs blew—no massive power outage. Things are suspicious, though, the way the other attacks just suddenly stopped.

PJ15 – Kellen and Jesse are hailed as a heroes at the school, the students all go home after a moment of silence to remember Allison.

– Kellen and Jesse have a new closeness. He says he might like to work there after HS or while going to college. She’s all for it, but worries about the rest of the country…

The End

From End to Beginning…Notes
– For Kellen and Jesse to have a new closeness, they’ll have to be shown in a number of icy situations beforehand.
– There’s a problem with just a moment of silence for Allison.
– I’m not really satisfied with Kellen’s internal journey yet. Her flashbacks to war, etc.
– I’d like the kids to have some personality and not just be “token children.” Need to make at least one more of a supporting character in the story.
– Not sure yet if there’s enough action to be an action film OR thrills and suspense to be a thriller. Must clarify those instances, or create more or new ones that fit with the overall plot—or change the plot???
– I’d like this to be appear as a small, localized event with no national/international implications, BUT enough clues to make someone sharp like Kellen and Mara to wonder if it wasn’t some kind of inside job.
– For the Koreans part to work, there needs to be clarification as to the stakes of NOT stopping them.
– I’m hoping that in future lessons, I can build in the emotions that are NOT here yet.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

LEE’S BEAT SHEET – First Draft

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned while doing this lesson is that my previous work in the preceding lessons really prepared me well for this. I was able to get down this basic Beat Sheet quite easily just by following the 4-Act Structure, the Character Journeys, the Deeper Layers, and the Genre Conventions that I’d put together previously.

I was also able to fight off my perfectionist tendencies by reminding myself that this is just the first draft of the Beat Sheet and much more will be added, taken out, rearranged, etc.

ACT 1 – A HIKE TURNS INTO A DISASTER

PJ1 – A war scene in Afghanistan. Kellen picks off Taliban with a sniper rifle while civilians hurry to waiting trucks. Confusion, explosions, a real mess—not enough room for everybody.

AJ1 – Gabriel Knox and others hike into an old mining camp in Sierra Nevada foot hills. A dozen people, armed to the teeth plus 4 Asians.

PJ2 – Kellen awakes from her dream, heads out of her cabin into a large Outdoor Education complex, heads for the dining hall with students, counselors.

AJ2 – Knox and crew stash ammo, explosives, weapons in the mine. Asians go to an electrical substation behind the mining camp.

PJ 3 – Mara Jenson, Kellen’s former comrade, now in cybersecurity calls. Some kind of cyber/physical attack on electrical grid is imminent. Kellen’s too busy to talk.

PJ4 – Two counselors bring Kellen’s group to her, 7 students. One counselor is Jesse, her nephew, the other Allison.

– DEEPER LAYER: Kellen’s been absent from Jesse’s life for years—and he’s very bitter about it.

AJ3 – The guy who runs the mining camp shows up. Knox kills him when he won’t just go away. The body’s stashed in the old mine.

PJ5 – Kellen leads her group through the woods. They talk about gold-panning, seeing the old mine, etc.

INCITING INCIDENT – Kellen’s group arrives at the mine, see Gabe’s group there. She knows Gabe, senses danger. She and kids start to leave, but someone sees the body, screams. Kids run, but are captured by Gabe’s men, Kellen and Allison escape, but Allison is shot, killed as they run.

– DEEPER LAYER: Knox’s men were left behind in Afghanistan in same incident that was in Kellen’s dream.

TURNING PT. 1 – Kellen contacts the Outdoor Camp. They call in the Sheriff. She covers Allison’s body, burns with anger, revenge.

PJ6 – Kellen calls Mara back, gets more details. A nationwide attack on the electrical grid is underway. Knox may be in on it.

AJ4 – Knox orders kids into the mine. Jesse is with them. Knox orders three armed guards, a woman and two guys, to watch them.

AJ5 – Knox and others hunt for Kellen. He finds one of his men dead, his throat slit. Knox calls out—she kills anymore of his men, one of her students dies.

ACT 2 – THE MASSACRE

GC – Sheriff arrives with SWAT team and hostage negotiator. They fan out around the mining camp.

AJ6 – Knox orders his people to break out the “big stuff”. Jesse and kids watch as Knox’s militia assemble grenade launchers, shoulder-fired missile launcher, grab assault rifles with tons of ammo, etc.

AJ7 – Knox “negotiates” with hostage negotiator.

PJ7 – Kellen sneaks around by the substation. Asians are carefully setting explosives. One works on a laptop computer. There’s a dead man in a PG&E outfit near that one.

– DEEPER LAYER – The Asians talk in Korean, a language Kellen is familiar with from her Army days. Knox is working with North Koreans!

AJ8 – Knox calls off negotiations.

Turning Point 2/MIDPOINT – Sheriff’s guys start moving in. Knox gives the order to fire. All Hell breaks loose!

PJ8 – Kellen ducks and covers, loses her phone.

PJ9 – Kellen reaches the mine shaft, kills the lone guard (others are fighting SWAT). She tells Jesse and kids to stay tight—too dangerous to try to escape. She’s leaving…but will be back. She tells Jesse to wait for a diversion that she’ll try to create, then slip out. No one’s left behind.

GC – SWAT is utterly destroyed. Sheriff backs off.

ACT 3 – RESCUE

PJ10 – Kellen heads back to her cabin at the Outdoor School. The place is on lockdown—feels deserted. She gears up with her old sniper rifle, a pistol, and some ammo that she keeps in hidden places.

AJ9 – Gabriel consults with Koreans. Their work is nearly done “the code is nearly ready to be launched into the service man’s laptop.” But the can’t have more distractions.

AJ10 – Gabe orders most of his men to each grab a hostage, use them as a human shield, and patrol the perimeter of the area.

– DEEPER LAYER: Knox knows that Kellen’s an ex-Green Beret sniper that had held off Taliban but was forced to leave without his unit.

PJ11 – Kellen returns, picks off some of Knox’s men despite their human shields. Kids run away as Jesse had instructed them if they had the chance.

GC – Koreans finish their job, begin uploading malware code into the PG&E system.

AJ11 – Knox gears up to protect the substation, orders any other men to drop their human shield and get to the substation.

TURNING POINT 3 – Kellen gets there first, battles Koreans. Computer continues to upload.

ACT 4 – An electrifying climax…and sobering resolution

CLIMAX – Kellen finishes off Koreans as they set off charges, blow up the substation. Live wires everywhere. A couple of Knox’s men get zapped, Kellen takes care of others.

Aj12/PJ12 – Kellen faces Knox, they battle it out furiously. as this happens…

GC – Jesse appears, having escaped the cave. Kellen yells to him to find the computer, destroy it. He braves live wires, finds it—the upload’s nearly done. He tries to stop it by shutting down the computer, but it doesn’t work. He finally just smashes it with a rock.

GC/AJ/PJ13 – Kellen gets the upper hand on Knox as they settle scores old and new. She finally pins him down, says he’ll look real good in orange. Knox laughs, says he’ll just get off in a trial—didn’t she know how rigged the system was? She lets him go, shoots him dead. “That’s for Allison” she intones.

RESOLUTION: CA is safe, but the rest of the country???

PJ14 – Kellen finds her phone when it rings nearby. It’s Mara Jenson.

GC – PG&E had isolated the substation from their grid, and the malware hadn’t quite made it into the system, so no cascading blackouts and no screwed up system. Not so lucky in other parts of the country. Huge areas with no power and fried systems. The President has said nothing so far—some even say he was in on it—as were maybe foreign entities.

PJ15 – Kellen and Jesse are hailed as a heroes at the school, the students all go home after a moment of silence to remember Allison.

The End

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

WIM Mod 4 – Lesson 2

Lee’s Deeper Layer

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned from doing this lesson is that adding a deeper layer is one of the most important thing that can be done to raise stakes and drive audience interest and intrigue.

My Deeper Layer

* Surface Layer: Kellen and her group of 6th graders are held against their will by a group of “wildcat” miners who don’t want them to call authorities..
* Deeper Layer: The miners are really a radical right-wing militia who are protecting a group of foreign agents who are sabotaging the electrical substation behind the mine as part of a plot to take down the much of the national electrical grid.
* Major Reveal: Kellen hears a PG&E crew chief talking to each other in Korean, a language she understands.
* Influences Surface Story: Students are taken hostage, Kellen’s job becomes to both stop the operation and rescue her students.
* Hints: Kellen had been told by her friend Mara Jensen to be looking out for odd activity around the substation. The “miners” don’t know how to pan for gold or mine it. Their excuse for being there is lame. A PG&E crew shows up later. Their work seems secretive.
* Changes Reality: Kellen is now in a life-and-death situation with her students caught in the middle of a plot to cripple American infrastructure by a foreign enemy.

New 4-Act Structure

* Beginning: Kellen and her enrichment class, with Jesse, her nephew as counselor and 7 other 6th graders and Allison, a female counselor, head off to the old mining area. Kellen gets a call from Mara Jensen.
* Inciting Incident: Kellen sees suspicious things, one kid sees a gun, screams. Everyone runs, tries to hide, but are hunted down by the “miners” and now held hostage. Only Kellen and Allison are not found, but when they run for it, shots are fired and the counselor is killed while Kellen gets away.
* Turning Point 1: Kellen is devastated and filled with vengeful fury. She is able to contact the outdoor school with an emergency code.
* Act 2: Sheriff and a SWAT team shows up. There’s a battle—SWAT’s beaten back, several killed and wounded. No one pays any attention to the PGE crew that’s working at a substation nearby, but…
* Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: During the fight, Kellen, who came with the SWAT team, sneaks behind the miners near the PG&E crew, hears them talking in Korean (which she understands).
* Act 3: Kellen heads back home at the Outdoor School. She checks in with Mara Jenson, tells her what’s up, then re-arms herself with her old sniper rifle, pistol, and her combat knife.
* Turning Point 3: Kellen picks off Gabriel’s men, who hold kids as human shields, one by one and the kids escape. Then there’s explosions at the substation.
* Act 4 Climax: Kellen chases down the Koreans, kills them all, then has it out with Gabriel Knox. She subdues him and is about to take him in, but he laughs, tells her that his lawyer will get him get him off, he’ll escape, etc. She puts a gun to his head, tells him that that’s fine—then she’ll have a legit reason to hunt him down and kill him for what he did to Allison, then takes him in.
* Resolution: With kids safe and enemies dead, Kellen is hailed as a hero, and people mourn for Allison. Mara Jensen contacts Kellen and says that the substation had been cut off from the rest of the grid, so no extensive harm done, though attacks in other parts of the country weren’t thwarted as successfully.

AI response to Deeper Layer Prompt

### 5 New Plot Layers:

1. **Hidden Surveillance**: Unbeknownst to Kellen, the outdoor school has been under surveillance by a secret government agency due to suspected extremist activities in the area. This agency has been tracking both Kellen and Gabriel, complicating her mission as she discovers she’s not only dealing with the militia but also navigating around the agency’s objectives.

2. **Double Agent**: One of the students or counselors is revealed to be a mole working for the extremists, feeding them information about the group’s movements and plans. This betrayal adds a layer of mistrust and urgency as Kellen tries to uncover the mole while keeping the group safe.

3. **Personal Vendetta**: It’s revealed that Gabriel’s radicalization was not only due to being left behind but also because Kellen was part of the decision-making team that led to the abandonment of his comrades. This personal betrayal fuels his desire for revenge, making their confrontation deeply personal.

4. **Cyber Conspiracy**: The cyber attack is not just a standalone act of terrorism but part of a larger conspiracy involving multiple factions with different agendas, including corrupt government officials and foreign agents. Kellen’s mission becomes about unraveling this web to prevent a national catastrophe.

5. **Ancient Secrets**: The old mining town holds ancient secrets and artifacts that have a supernatural or historical significance, which the militia plans to exploit. This adds a mythic element to the story, giving Kellen another dimension to her fight—protecting not just people but a legacy.

### 5 New Character Layers for Protagonist (Kellen Hamilton):

1. **Buried Trauma**: Kellen has recurring nightmares and flashbacks of a specific mission where she had to make a choice that led to the death of civilians. This trauma influences her decision-making and her interactions with her students, sometimes causing her to hesitate or react aggressively.

2. **Family Secret**: Kellen’s nephew, Jesse, is not just a relative but the son of her best friend who died in combat. She feels a deep sense of responsibility and guilt towards Jesse, which is why she is overprotective and tries so hard to connect with him despite his resentment.

3. **Secret Identity**: Kellen was once involved in a covert operation that went wrong, and she has been living under a new identity provided by a witness protection program. Her real name and past are secrets even from her closest colleagues at the outdoor school.

4. **Reluctant Hero**: Kellen has been in contact with a therapist, trying to leave her violent past behind and become a pacifist. Her struggle between her nurturing role as a teacher and the violent skills she possesses creates internal conflict throughout the story.

5. **Hidden Talent**: Kellen has an artistic side—she’s a skilled painter or musician, something she uses as an emotional outlet. This softer side contrasts sharply with her combat skills and provides moments of vulnerability and humanity.

### 5 New Character Layers for Antagonist (Gabriel Knox):

1. **Secret Alliance**: Gabriel has been in contact with a foreign intelligence agency, believing they are allies in his cause. However, it’s later revealed that they are manipulating him for their own purposes, causing him to question his actions and loyalty.

2. **Personal Loss**: Gabriel’s radicalization was partly driven by the loss of his family in a terrorist attack on U.S. soil, which he believes could have been prevented if not for the government’s negligence. This personal loss fuels his hatred and desire for revenge.

3. **Moral Complexity**: Gabriel occasionally shows acts of kindness and mercy, such as sparing a child’s life or providing medical aid to a hostage. These moments create a morally ambiguous character, making the audience question if he is entirely evil or if there’s still good in him.

4. **Philosophical Beliefs**: Gabriel follows a radical philosophical or religious belief system that justifies his actions. This belief system is deeply ingrained in him and he tries to convert others to his way of thinking, adding a cult-like dimension to his leadership.

5. **Internal Conflict**: Gabriel is haunted by the memory of his fallen comrades and frequently talks to them as if they were present, indicating possible PTSD or a split personality. This makes him unpredictable and adds depth to his character’s psychological state.

These deeper layers will add complexity and emotional resonance to both the plot and the characters, making the story richer and more engaging for the audience.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Supporting/Background Characters

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that I can explore the possibilities of the original premise through these supporting characters, and change who they are and what they do depending on the direction I decide to take the plot details of the premise.

Supporting Characters
– Mara Jenson
– Cheng Wu
– Allison
– Jimmie Chong

Background Characters
– Gabriel’s team (a few fellow rebels, plus his “Chinese help” that includes Cheng Wu)
– SWAT team (they come to the rescue—and all get killed)
– Kellen’s Enrichment class – 7 6th graders that include Jimmie Chong
– Misc. teachers, students, camp staff that are at the Outdoor School in the beginning.

Support 1:
* Name: Mara Jenson
* Role: Kellen’s friend, former Green Beret, now works in cybersecurity
* Main purpose: Helps Kellen understand what she’s looking at and their implications. Secretly fights to disrupt the kidnappers’ plot without getting hostages killed.
* Value: Without Mara, Kellen wouldn’t understand the stakes involved—that this is not just some local yokel kidnapping. She also is instrumental in developing a remedy for plants that are infected.

Support 2:
* Name: Cheng Wu
* Role: The real boss of Gabriel’s militia
* Main purpose: To set up a wifi station that will upload a virus targeted at power plants (or water infrastructure ) that will render them useless, thus shutting them down.
* Value: Gives the story its national/international implications and stakes.

Support 3:
* Name: Jimmie Chong (for now…)
* Role: One of the child hostages, a real nerd.
* Main purpose: Informs Jesse what the kidnappers are up to, and can at least attempt to throw their plan off.
* Value: Covertly translates for Jesse, also helps sabotage some key components which delays the kidnappers’ plans so that Kellen can get back with help and firepower.

Support 4:
* Name: Allison
* Role: Female counselor that’s along with the group.
* Main purpose: A friend to Jesse and the students. Freaks out at some point and is killed by kidnappers.
* Value: When she’s shot dead without thought, provides shock value and also empathy and suspense. This is serious business. Who might be next?

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Character Profiles (Part 2)

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that it’s important to make these useful “at a glance” and that means to be succinct and concise and not so crowded with details that you can’t make sense of them. I think my AI did a much better job of doing this than I did :).

Main Characters
KELLEN HAMILTON, GABRIEL KNOX, JESSE HAMILTON

High Concept – Kellen, an ex-Green Beret turned teacher at a Sierra Nevada outdoor school faces her most challenging mission ever when a radical militia group led by a long-lost former comrade uses an old mining town as headquarters to perpetrate a nationwide cyber attack, taking her students, including her own nephew, hostage while they’re on a nature hike nearby.

Kellen Hamilton

Transformational Journey – Kellen Hamilton
* At the story's outset, Kellen Hamilton is a former Green Beret turned teacher, dealing with deep-seated guilt over her military actions, particularly the civilian casualties. She has chosen a peaceful life in the Sierra Nevada to distance herself from her past, focusing on teaching and preserving the environment, yet she remains isolated, avoiding close relationships due to her fear of loss and trauma reemergence.
* By the end of the film, Kellen has embraced her past and her skills not as sources of guilt but as tools for protection and leadership. She reclaims her role as a protector, using her military training for a noble cause, saving her students and thwarting a national threat. This allows her to reconcile her past actions with her current values, achieving a newfound peace and a strengthened bond with her nephew, Jesse and having settled an old score with Gabriel Knox.

KELLEN PRIMARY ACTOR ATTRACTORS

1. Known for Role – A teacher/ex Green Beret saves her nephew, her students, and the whole country from a plot that would have killed millions, led to a government takeover.
2. Most Interesting Character – wants to do the right things, but PTSD causes a persistent hesitation that sabotages her usual confidence.
3. Interesting Actions – Teacher interactions with students, escaping capture, harrowing rock-scrambling, being a sniper, close-in fighting, epic battle against kidnappers, final battle with former comrade, etc.
4. Introduction – working on it.
5. Emotional Range – see Transformational journey
6. Subtext – has to pretend that she doesn’t know what’s really up once she finds out.
7. Interesting Relationships – Antagonist is an old friend, one victim is her nephew, who’s bitter about her absence for much of his life.
8. Unique Voice – changes from gentler admonishments with kids to commanding them like a sergeant an instant later is interesting.
9. What’s special about this character

Character Traits
1. Role in the Story: Protagonist, she’s the hero.
2. Age range and Description: 30s, in great physical shape, could be most any race, religion, ethnicity, etc.
3. Core Traits: Brave, decisive, evasive, haunted
4. Motivation; Want/Need: Kellen wants to be a good teacher, but what she really needs is reconcile her issues with her violent past.
5. Wound: Kellen carries deep psychological wounds from being a Green Beret in Afghanistan and ultimately having to leave friends behind to uncertain fates.
6. Likability – Kellen has a great way with kids, does a great job relating to them, and is a helpful team member of the Outdoor School staff. Relatability – Kellen has to discipline kids who don’t obey the rules and follow through with tough consequences, is called away from breakfast. Empathy – Kellen’s nephew, Jesse, is bitter about the years that she was out of his life while doing her military service. Now, with her working with him at the Outdoor School for the week, he never ceases to remind her of it with snide, bitter comments.
7. Character Subtext: – Subtext Logline: Kellen is a guilt-ridden protector who uses her skills to defend innocence while internally battling her past
* Hiding something: Her dark past and the skills that she tries to leave behind.
* Afraid to say: Reluctant to share the full extent of her military experiences.
* Being polite: Maintains a composed exterior to avoid revealing her internal struggles.
8. Character Intrigue- Kellen might secretly be working with a clandestine government agency to monitor extremist activities in the Sierra Nevada, using her position as a teacher as a cover.
– Deception: She could be pretending not to know martial arts or tactical maneuvers around her colleagues and students to maintain her new identity, only to reveal her skills when necessary.
– Secret: Kellen harbors crucial intel about the militia's leader, Gabriel, from her military days that she's hesitant to disclose because it compromises her new peaceful life.
– Unspoken Wound: The guilt of her past actions as a sniper affects her teaching, where she sometimes sees the faces of her targets in her students during stressful situations.
* 9. Flaw: – Lack of confidence in dangerous situations – Because of her tragic experiences in combat, Kellen can become over-cautious to the point of even paralyzing when faced with life-and-death decisions concerning others.
* 10. Values: Life, doing the right thing, her students, her sense of duty.
* 11. Character Dilemma: Sense of Duty to her country versus doing the right thing for her students.

Gabriel Knox

GABRIEL’S JOURNEY
Gabriel is the Antagonist and former Green Beret colleague of Kellen Hamilton. His arc carries him from a bitter, frustrated and conflicted (on the inside) and happy-go-lucky mercenary (on the outside) to one who dies in righteous anger when he confronts those who have duped him.

GABRIEL’S PRIMARY ACTOR ATTRACTORS

1. Known for Role – A “good” bad guy who’s continually caught in moral dilemmas affecting children and his old friend and the fate of the nation.
2. Most Interesting Character – Same as above.
3. Interesting Actions – Gabe takes actions that span everything from being kind to children, a trickster and joker, etc., to furiously fighting others, plotting, killing people, kidnapping children, being cynical and sarcastic, coming to grips with his big mistake, etc.
4. Introduction – working on it.
5. Emotional Range – same as in the interesting actions section
6. Subtext – he’s avoiding the fact that he may not actually be in charge of the operation that he’s in charge of.
7. Interesting Relationships – He’s a former comrade of Kellen, which leads to many instances of conflicting emotions as things become more clear.
8. Unique Voice
9. What’s special about this character – He thinks he’s doing the right thing, though he’s been deceived by just about everyone that he’s serving.

Character Traits
1. Role in the Story: Antagonist: he’s the “bad guy.”
2. Age range and Description: late 30’s to 40s, also in great physical shape.
3. Core Traits: Fun, hard-working, bitter, angry.
4. Motivation; Want/Need: wants to take military-style action against the US, but what he really needs is to realize that such vengeance will do no good in the end.
5. Wound: Gabriel was furious when the US left his friends in Afghanistan behind, and became radicalized into wanting to tear down the whole system.
6. Likability: he’s friendly, good to the kids usually, not profane. Relatability: he lost good friends while in the military and doesn’t know why. He has a desire for revenge, to get back at the country somehow. Empathy: When he discovers that he’s actually helping another country in its efforts to actually invade the US, he’s mortified, but sees no way out.
7. Character Subtext: Gabriel is a betrayed patriot who orchestrates a radical vision of what will “fix” his country, fueled by a personal vendetta against the system that abandoned him.
* Possible Areas of Subtext:
* Luring/seducing: Charismatically convinces others of his radical views.
* Secret: Hides the depth of his personal pain and betrayal behind his charismatic, ideologically driven façade.
* Plotting: His strategies are always layered, with personal revenge as much a goal as ideological victory.
* 8. Character Intrigue:
– Conspiracy: Gabriel and a secret cabal of disillusioned veterans believe that the only way to save the country is through a 'controlled' foreign intervention, orchestrating events to this end.
– Secret Identity: Publicly, Gabriel is a charismatic community leader advocating for veterans' rights, which masks his radical extremist activities.
– Deception: He spreads false information about his group's true intentions, claiming they are just a “wildcat” mining operation, when their real purpose is to set up satellite gear that will initiate the cyberattack..
– Unspoken Wound: Gabriel's radicalization stemmed from a covert mission gone wrong, blamed on bureaucratic negligence, which resulted in the loss of his closest comrades.
* 9. Flaw: Bitterness. Gabriel is consumed with bitterness over all that has happened to him, and every time that he slips into acting “normal”, it snaps him back to what has become his obsession.
* 10. Values: False patriotism, veterans, fallen comrades, justice (in the form of revenge), family.
* 11. Character Dilemma: There are times when Gabriel can be genuine, honest, and funny, but always lurking within is an all-consuming passion for a warped, vengeful justice that he can’t rid himself from.

Jesse Hamilton

JESSE’S JOURNEY
Caught between the protagonist’s protective instincts and the antagonist’s menacing plans, Jesse’s journey involves growth from a naïve student into a courageous young man who plays a pivotal role in his own rescue.

Actor Attractors that apply most to Jesse

1. Known for Role – Jesse is the “coming of age” character in this story who grows from being a nerdy teenager to a
2. Most Interesting Character
3. Interesting Actions – He’s the leads a small group of 6th graders, lives with them most of the day. When they’re all captured, they all look to him for leadership. He commands, he struggles, fights, plots, protects kids, has to fire a gun for the first time, sneak around in life and death situations, etc., all of which he MUST do to help his aunt and protect his students. Not your average HS computer nerd’s skill set.
4. Introduction
5. Emotional Range – from boredom and uncertainty about his relationship with his aunt and his students to terror, fear for others’ safety, overcoming fear, bravery, fierceness, anger, horror, and much more.
6. Subtext – Though terrified and confused most of the time, Jesse must hide those emotions and appear brave, decisive, and like a confident leader.
7. Interesting Relationships – relationships with the students he leads are all somewhat different and dynamic during the ordeal. With his aunt, he must put aside old hurts for the sake of the moment, yet express them somehow. He also realizes that she sees him as an adult, and he must act like one, including sharing ideas, skills, and doing what he’s told.
8. Unique Voice – Jesse’s manner of speaking to his students in terms that they’ll understand but doing so with respect for their intelligence as well gives him a voice different from any other in the story.
9. What’s special about this character – Jesse is a computer nerd who becomes, at least to his students, as something approaching an action hero, but much of the time he’s just making things up as he goes along.

Character Traits
1. Role in the Story: Triangle character – bridges his aunt Kellen with what her old friend Gabriel is REALLY up to.
2. Age range and Description: 18-20, a computer nerd, but not fat, etc.
3. Core Traits: Smart, assertive, good intentions, snide and sarcastic
4. Motivation; Want/Need: Jesse wants to punish his aunt for just leaving him for so long, but what he really needs is to listen to her and understand why.
5. Wound: Kellen was Jesse’s favorite aunt who lived nearby and would always do exciting, adventurous things with him, and then she left when he was 12, and has been gone ever since—and almost never even called.
6. Likability: Jesse’s a good counselor to the boys he’s in charge of, gets on well with them, builds teamwork, but not afraid to discipline them. Relatability: When he’s working with Jesse, he’s cooperative, but doesn’t always like it, and sometimes gives her grief. He’s exhausted by his kids. Empathy: Jesse’s frustrated that he never has time to talk to Kellen because he’s with his kids so much, and sometimes he takes it out on both kids and Jesse.
7. Character Subtext : Subtext Logline: Jesse is a resentful underdog who secretly struggles with feelings of abandonment and inadequacy while trying to do all that’s required of him to keep the students he’s in charge of safe from their kidnappers.
* Possible Areas of Subtext:
* Withholding: Almost of necessity, he keeps his resentment and insecurities hidden from his aunt and peers.
* Lying: Pretends to be more confident and unbothered by bullying that happens to him in high school than he actually is.
* Afraid to say: Hesitant to confront his aunt about feeling neglected, and later, with ideas of what he thinks they should do.
8. Character Intrigue: – Secret Identity: Jesse could be secretly developing a sophisticated cybersecurity tool or app, which he keeps from others due to fears of being underestimated or bullied further.- Competition: Jesse enters a remote hacking competition to prove his skills, which accidentally leads him to discover the militia's cyber plot. – Secret: He has discovered some old emails indicating that his aunt might have been involved in questionable military operations, which strains his trust towards her. – Deception: Jesse pretends to be less knowledgeable than he is to avoid attention but steps up secretly to thwart cyber threats from the militia.
9. Flaw – Jesse’s underlying lack of self-confidence is something that he must overcome in just about every situation he encounters.
10. Values – Cares for others, likes kids, responsibility, respect, morality; a good sense of right and wrong, introvert, logical, honesty, loyalty
11. Character Dilemma – Do I just sit here with the kids and do what I’m told by the captors,, or do what my aunt says I must do and shatter every barrier that I’ve always been unable to break—and not know if either plan will save me and the students I’m in charge of, or save the country, or whatever?

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Character Profiles (Part 1)

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that getting to know my characters better is helping me design them more and more specifically for the Concept, the Journey, and the Actor Attractors in the story.

Main Characters
KELLEN HAMILTON, GABRIEL KNOX, JESSE HAMILTON

High Concept – An ex-Green Beret turned teacher at a Sierra Nevada outdoor school faces her most challenging mission ever when a radical militia group led by a long-lost former comrade uses an old mining town as headquarters to perpetrate a nationwide cyber attack, taking her students, including her own nephew, hostage while they’re on a nature hike nearby.

Transformational Journey – Kellen Hamilton
* At the story's outset, Kellen Hamilton is a former Green Beret turned teacher, dealing with deep-seated guilt over her military actions, particularly the civilian casualties. She has chosen a peaceful life in the Sierra Nevada to distance herself from her past, focusing on teaching and preserving the environment, yet she remains isolated, avoiding close relationships due to her fear of loss and trauma reemergence.
* By the end of the film, Kellen has embraced her past and her skills not as sources of guilt but as tools for protection and leadership. She reclaims her role as a protector, using her military training for a noble cause, saving her students and thwarting a national threat. This allows her to reconcile her past actions with her current values, achieving a newfound peace and a strengthened bond with her nephew, Jesse and having settled an old score with Gabriel Knox.

Gabriel Knox – Gabriel is the Antagonist and former Green Beret colleague of Kellen Hamilton. His arc carries him from a bitter, frustrated and conflicted (on the inside) and happy-go-lucky mercenary (on the outside) to one who dies in righteous anger when he confronts those who have duped him.

Jesse Hamilton – The Triangle character who must do some serious coming of age when he’s left in charge of Kellen’s class when they’re taken hostage and he finds out that foreign agents are involved in Knox’s plot.

Actor Attractors to be used for each characters…
1. Known for Role
2. Most Interesting Character
3. Interesting Actions
4. Introduction
5. Emotional Range
6. Subtext
7. Interesting Relationships
8. Unique Voice
9. What’s special about this character

Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
Kellen Hamilton
1. Role in the Story: Protagonist, she’s the hero.
2. Age range and Description: 30s, in great physical shape, could be most any race, religion, ethnicity, etc.
3. Core Traits: Brave, decisive, evasive, haunted
4. Motivation; Want/Need: Kellen wants to be a good teacher, but what she really needs is reconcile her issues with her violent past.
5. Wound: Kellen carries deep psychological wounds from being a Green Beret in Afghanistan and ultimately having to leave friends behind to uncertain fates.
6. Likability – Kellen has a great way with kids, does a great job relating to them, and is a helpful team member of the Outdoor School staff.
Relatability – Kellen has to discipline kids who don’t obey the rules and follow through with tough consequences, is called away from breakfast.
Empathy – Kellen’s nephew, Jesse, is bitter about the years that she was out of his life while doing her military service. Now, with her working with him at the Outdoor School for the week, he never ceases to remind her of it with snide, bitter comments.

Gabriel Knox
1. Role in the Story: Antagonist: he’s the “bad guy.”
2. Age range and Description: late 30’s to 40s, also in great physical shape.
3. Core Traits: Fun, hard-working, bitter, angry.
4. Motivation; Want/Need: wants to take military-style action against the US, but what he really needs is to realize that such vengeance will do no good in the end.
5. Wound: Gabriel was furious when the US left his friends in Afghanistan behind, and became radicalized into wanting to tear down the whole system.
6. Likability: he’s friendly, good to the kids usually, not profane.
Relatability: he lost good friends while in the military and doesn’t know why. He has a desire for revenge, to get back at the country somehow.
Empathy: When he discovers that he’s actually helping another country in its efforts to actually invade the US, he’s mortified, but sees no way out.

Jesse Hamilton
1. Role in the Story: Triangle character – bridges his aunt Kellen with what her old friend Gabriel is REALLY up to.
2. Age range and Description: 18-20, a computer nerd, but not fat, etc.
3. Core Traits: Smart, assertive, good intentions, snide and sarcastic
4. Motivation; Want/Need: Jesse wants to punish his aunt for just leaving him for so long, but what he really needs is to listen to her and understand why.
5. Wound: Kellen was Jesse’s favorite aunt who lived nearby and would always do exciting, adventurous things with him, and then she left when he was 12, and has been gone ever since—and almost never even called.
6. Likability: Jesse’s a good counselor to the boys he’s in charge of, gets on well with them, builds teamwork, but not afraid to discipline them.
Relatability: When he’s working with Jesse, he’s cooperative, but doesn’t always like it, and sometimes gives her grief. He’s exhausted by his kids.
Empathy: Jesse’s frustrated that he never has time to talk to Kellen because he’s with his kids so much, and sometimes he takes it out on both kids and Jesse.

• This reply was modified 12 months ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 12 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Likability, Relatability, and Empathy

My Vision… I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that a person doesn’t have to be a perfect person or even really a good one for us to be able to relate to them, like them, and even emphasize with them.

Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist through each of these:

KELLEN HAMILTON

* Likability: She’s really good with kids, she likes them, they like her, she’s competent at her job, she has friends that like her, she gets on with them, etc.
* Relatability: She has to counsel one of the kids in her group—he can’t go with them because he’s misbehaved during the week—too many “strikes” against him. She’s gentle but very firm, doesn’t fall for sympathy ploys—and finally leaves as the kid yells at her that she’s so not fair, etc.
* Empathy: She runs into one of the counselors. Turns out it’s Jesse, her 18 year-old nephew. They converse about the fact that he’s supposed to be going with her on her enrichment trip today. He’s noncommittal. She wonders if it’s okay with him—they won’t have the same kids, smaller group, etc. He says sure, they’ve been together all week, it shouldn’t be any different, and how about her? She says she can’t wait—unless he’s going to be an asshole or tell the kids about family secrets, etc. He says if he did, she wouldn’t know what he’s talking about anyway—she was never there. He gives her a hurt, firm look and goes about his business. She calls out to him, but he’s gone… She looks stunned for a minute, then says “damn” and goes about her work.
* She goes into the dining hall. Everyone’s eating homemade cinnamon rolls. She salivates, but her intercom beeps. It’s the school director—Kellen’s got an important phone call—now!

Just to get the experience, give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these:

GABRIEL KNOX

* Likability: Gabriel seems genuinely nice and tries to keep his people busy with their work and out of the way of
* Relatability: Gabriel works for a hard boss who will punish him if things don’t go right (in his mission)
* Empathy: Gabriel truly doesn’t want to take the class hostage or hurt anybody, but he must to complete his mission and not risk its discovery or disruption, so he does it anyway.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

LEE’S CHARACTER INTRIGUE

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that, with a little imagination, I can use intrigue to create a story with much higher stakes than what I had before, and that’s really fun!

For each of your main characters, use this list to brainstorm one or more Intrigue items that might apply. You don’t need all of them; just one or two.

KELLEN HAMILTON
* Role: Protagonist
* Hidden agendas: Is actually on an ad hoc mission for the CIA
* Competition:
* Conspiracies:
* Secrets: She was hired by the CIA to stop Gabriel Knox, who is actually working for the Chinese
* Deception: She really went to the old mining town to stop Gabriel Knox
* Unspoken Wound:
* Secret Identity: Kellen is an ex-Green Beret sniper, not just former soldier in the army.

3. Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie.

There will be small clues as to what Kellen is really up to when she takes the kids to the mine. But taking the students along wasn’t part of the plan, and she’ll show this through uneasiness and cluing in Jesse enough to know that he’ll have to take over supervising them at some point. Mara Jenson will also be in on the plan, and will summon some of Kellen’s old team, who also are part of the plan to stop Knox.

GABRIEL KNOX
* Role: Antagonist
* Hidden agendas: He’s here to take down as much of the US power grid as possible to render the US defenseless to a Chinese/Russian invasion
* Competition:
* Conspiracies: He’s been specially trained, as have several of his team, by the Chinese to do this, in exchange for a leading position in the new US.
* Secrets: Only some of his men know about this, though they are in his radical militia group
* Deception: He and some in his team have deceived the others.
* Unspoken Wound:
* Secret Identity: A collaborator with foreign invaders.

3. Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie.

Knox’s real plan will probably not be known until late in Act 3, when he’ll reveal it. At that time, Kellen will reveal just who she is too, and the climactic final struggle will ensue. The few of Gabriel’s men who aren’t in on the plot might even turn over to Kellen’s side, since they thought they were patriots, not giving the country over to foreigners.

AI RESPONSE TO PROMPT

CHATGPT RESPONSES TO POSSIBLE CHARACTER INTRIGUE

For your feature film with the characters outlined, here are possible intriguing layers that could enrich each character's narrative and conflict:
Kellen Hamilton
1. Hidden Agenda: Kellen might secretly be working with a clandestine government agency to monitor extremist activities in the Sierra Nevada, using her position as a teacher as a cover.
2. Deception: She could be pretending not to know martial arts or tactical maneuvers around her colleagues and students to maintain her new identity, only to reveal her skills when necessary.
3. Secret: Kellen harbors crucial intel about the militia's leader, Gabriel, from her military days that she's hesitant to disclose because it compromises her new peaceful life.
4. Unspoken Wound: The guilt of her past actions as a sniper affects her teaching, where she sometimes sees the faces of her targets in her students during stressful situations.

Jesse Hamilton
1. Secret Identity: Jesse could be secretly developing a sophisticated cybersecurity tool or app, which he keeps from others due to fears of being underestimated or bullied further.
2. Competition: Jesse enters a remote hacking competition to prove his skills, which accidentally leads him to discover the militia's cyber plot.
3. Secret: He has discovered some old emails indicating that his aunt might have been involved in questionable military operations, which strains his trust towards her.
4. Deception: Jesse pretends to be less knowledgeable than he is to avoid attention but steps up secretly to thwart cyber threats from the militia.

Mara Jensen
1. Conspiracy: Mara is part of a secret network of former military cybersecurity experts who unofficially assist in national threats, which she has not disclosed to Kellen fearing it might affect their friendship.
2. Hidden Agenda: Her primary motivation is to find and expose a mole within the military who caused her past operation to fail, believing that this person is somehow connected to the current crisis.
3. Secret: Mara carries a decryption key for military satellites that could be used to stop the cyber attack but hesitates to use it due to legal ramifications.
4. Unspoken Wound: Mara's overcautiousness in her operations is due to her having indirectly caused harm to a fellow operative in the past, which still haunts her.

Gabriel Knox
1. Conspiracy: Gabriel and a secret cabal of disillusioned veterans believe that the only way to save the country is through a 'controlled' foreign intervention, orchestrating events to this end.
2. Secret Identity: Publicly, Gabriel is a charismatic community leader advocating for veterans' rights, which masks his radical extremist activities.
3. Deception: He spreads false information about his group's true intentions, claiming they are preparing for a non-existent government attack to rally more followers.
4. Unspoken Wound: Gabriel's radicalization stemmed from a covert mission gone wrong, blamed on bureaucratic negligence, which resulted in the loss of his closest comrades.
These layers add complexity and depth to each character, offering multiple dimensions that can intertwine with the main plot and provide richer character development and unexpected plot twists.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Subtext Characters

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that it was really fun adding these subtext traits to the characters’ main traits. They become like a part of the character to always be aware of when writing them into the show, etc. This time, AI mirrored my own subtext traits a lot, but also added more insight and some really great examples.

EXAMPLE SHOW SUBTEXT

* Movie Title: LUCY
* Character Name: Lucy
* Subtext Identity: Innocent victim (who uses this to get revenge)
* Subtext Trait: Playing like she knows nothing and cannot hurt a fly
* Subtext Logline: Lucy is an innocent victim who later uses this persona to get revenge on those that violated her.
* Possible Areas of Subtext: Act 2, when she first becomes aware that she has changed into someone super-powered, she plays innocent when she first meets her the drug cartel guys, then beats them up, shoots them, kills them, and pins the kingpin’s hands to the table with knives to make him talk. In Act 3, when she knows that she has psychokinetic power, she once again schmoozes her way in, then causes all the henchmen to die at once, and pins others to the ceiling.

BRAINSTORMING SUBTEXT FOR MY TWO LEADS

* Character Name: Kellen Hamilton
* Subtext Identity: Concealer
* Subtext Trait: Keeps to herself many things, especially who she was and what she did while in the Army—that she was a Green Beret who was a sniper and silent weapons expert.
* Subtext Logline: Kellen is a former Army Green Beret, but everyone, including her employer, thinks that she’s just a teacher who did some time in the Army in her past.
* Possible Areas of Subtext: In Act 1, when her first teacher job interview is shown, she covers up what she actually did in the Army. Later, we see incomplete flashbacks of her Green Beret service, but can’t tell that it’s her. She has a sniper rifle in a glass case on her wall. At the Inciting Incident, she is very calm and casual with Gabriel Knox, but her eyes dart around, see suspicious things. She’s very commanding with her students. In Act 2, she confides to her nephew Jesse, the kids’ HS counselor, that she “can’t do anything for them” just sitting there, and they devise a way for her to escape, leaving just Jesse in charge of the kids. During the fight to get away during the SWAT team attack, she displays martial arts skills that are not common Army self-defense maneuvers. Both Jesse and Gabriel notice and wonder…

* Character Name: Gabriel Knox
* Subtext Identity: The criminal, the seducer, the boss
* Subtext Trait: Conspiring, devious, scheming, deceitful
* Subtext Logline: Gabriel Knox is a criminal who is deviously going about his scheme to bring chaos to the country while being very deceitful about it to Kellen and everyone else.
* Possible Areas of Subtext: They masquerade as wildcat miners for as long as they can get away with it. Sophisticated satellite tech is disguised as other things. While being friendly and open with Kellen and her students, he’s directing his associates in how to capture them and hold them hostage. After defeating the SWAT team, he tells Kellen that they’re a militia band hates the government for protecting land rights like this one where people could come and get rich but the government keeps it all for themselves, etc.

AI RESPONSE TO BRAINSTORMING SUBTEXT
Kellen Hamilton
* Subtext Identity: Guilt-ridden protector
* Subtext Trait: Conceals her violent capabilities and traumatic past to maintain her role as a nurturing teacher.
* Subtext Logline: Kellen is a guilt-ridden protector who uses her skills to defend innocence while internally battling her past.
* Possible Areas of Subtext:
* Hiding something: Her dark past and the skills that she tries to leave behind.
* Afraid to say: Reluctant to share the full extent of her military experiences.
* Being polite: Maintains a composed exterior to avoid revealing her internal struggles.

Gabriel Knox
* Subtext Identity: Betrayed patriot
* Subtext Trait: His leadership is tinged with a constant undertone of vengeance and deep-seated betrayal, which drives him to extreme actions.
* Subtext Logline: Gabriel is a betrayed patriot who orchestrates a radical vision of justice, fueled by a personal vendetta against the system that abandoned him.
* Possible Areas of Subtext:
* Luring/seducing: Charismatically convinces others of his radical views.
* Secret: Hides the depth of his personal pain and betrayal behind his charismatic, ideologically driven façade.
* Plotting: His strategies are always layered, with personal revenge as much a goal as ideological victory.
These subtexts add depth and complexity to your characters, enriching their motivations and actions within the film's narrative.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee's Actor Attractors

ACTOR ATTRACTORS (first draft)

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that there’s all kinds of directions to go with main characters, and it’s hard to know the right one for each. Glad that this is just a “first draft.”

First Draft – Main Character Actor Attractors

Lead Character Name: Kellen Hamilton
Role: Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? It’s a female-driven action/thriller with a badass female lead that also has heart and intelligence as well. Much more to do than just kill bad guys, though there’s plenty of that too. Just the kind of role that could prolong the action career of a current female action star or, even better, give a star not known as a badass a chance to become one.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? She’s a former Green Beret who’s struggling with lingering PTSD from action in Afghanistan. Upon discharge, she determines to take on the profession that she hopes would keep her as far away from violence as possible—becoming a teacher. She chooses to become an Outdoor Education teacher because she still likes to be outside and the Army taught her a lot about nature and survival. Then, during her first year, she finds it necessary to get right back into the violent world she thought she’d left, this time to save her class and prevent a national disaster.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Figuring out what’s up with the “wildcat miners” that have taken over a mining ghost town that she takes her class to, figuring out how to rescue her class once they’re taken hostage without anyone getting hurt. Breaking out her sniper rifle once again, this time to save lives as much as to take them. Reconciling her loathing of her old violent life with the necessity to revisit it again. Rescuing her class, beating up and killing the bad guys, saving the nation. Lots of fighting, in close, from far away, and everything in between.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? She’s being interviewed for her Outdoor Education School job and is questioned about her work in the Army. She downplays it all, makes herself sound like a typical soldier, all while having flashbacks of violent, emotional action scenes from her days as a Green Beret.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range. From the joy and fun of working with kids, teaching them, talking with them, etc., heartache over things that happened overseas when she had to leave Afghani friends behind, cold, hard determination to complete her mission, and the nail-biting adrenaline rush of combat.

6. What subtext can the actor play? She’s always hiding who she really was, both from her bosses, her colleagues, her students, and the right-wing militia group that’s plotting to take down the nation’s power grids.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? There’s a colleague who’s a real ecology nut who’s trying to make it with her, but she’s not interested. There’s three of her Green Beret colleagues that she summons to help her, one of whom was a guy she was really close to, but she wouldn’t commit to. She also has a nephew who adored her before she left for the military who’s bitter about her leaving and never communicating—and is also the high school counselor of her class at the Outdoor School.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? She finds it hard to get out of military-isms and uses them in situations that are not always appropriate, etc.

9. What could make this character special and unique? She’s finally able to be proud of her service and the ways she’s learned to protect others, but also is very good at being kind, caring, motivational and instructive to the students that she deals with in her job.

Lead Character Name – Gabriel Knox
Role – Antagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? He plays like he’s a true believer in the cause he’s working for, but is really just a mercenary and likes to cause mayhem and “right” personal grievances. He appears to be an evil Batman, but he’s really just The Joker at heart.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? He’s very skilled in covering who he really is, and thus is able to tell that Kellen, the protagonist, is doing just the same thing. He needles her about it in order to get a rise out of her and find out more about who she really is. He’s also very skilled in both fighting, weapons, and tech systems.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Commandeer an old mining ghost town under the guise of being wildcat miners, taking a class of school kids hostage, struggling with whether to kill them or not, playing off of Kellen to irritate her, get her to lose her cool, reveal her true self, carry out a plan to bring down the nation’s power grids, brag about himself and his evil exploits, fight it out with Kellen at the end, etc.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? When he first meets Kellen and her class, he acts all nice and teases the kids, etc., but in a bizarre sort of way. They tour the town. The kids are enthralled, but Kellen sees some suspicious things. Just as they’re being sent on their way by Gabriel, one of the kids screams when she sees an assault rifle. Kellen commands the kids to run. They do, and Kellen surprises Gabriel with how easily she takes him down, but the kids can’t escape. They’re hostages now.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range – Gabriel goes from being serious about his business and what his team’s plan is, to laughing with kids, to acting coldly violent.

6. What subtext can the actor play? He’s hiding the fact that he’s a mercenary. He also feigns who he and his men really are, and delights in irritating Kellen.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? Probably that between he and Kellen. He continually tries to find out who Kellen once was, sure that she’s covering, and he uses various tactics to get her to reveal that.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? He’s loud, boisterous, and evil, but can also be calm, quiet, and sinister. The changes from these two extremes can come just about any time.

9. What could make this character special and unique? He’s special because of the mission he’s been hired to do, and he has a unique talent for accomplishing it, yet he’s utterly ruthless at the same time.

AI RESPONSES – I really liked some of these and plan to integrate them into the other actor attractors above.
Kellen Hamilton
1. Known for Role: This role offers an actor the opportunity to portray a multifaceted character blending military precision with educational fervor, showcasing her journey from a conflicted soldier to a nurturing mentor.

2. Most Interesting Character: Kellen is intriguing due to her inner conflict and transition from a Green Beret sniper to a protective teacher, highlighting her struggle between her past violent skills and her current nurturing role.

3. Interesting Actions: Kellen could ingeniously use environmental science and survival skills to outwit the militia, turning the natural landscape into her tactical advantage while protecting her students.

4. Introduction: Introduce Kellen during a tranquil yet commanding outdoor class, followed by a sudden shift to her taking decisive action when the threat emerges, highlighting her dual nature.

5. Emotional Range: From moments of serene teaching and heartfelt interactions with students to intense, strategic combat situations and painful flashbacks of her military past.

6. Subtext: Kellen constantly battles with her guilt and her instinct to revert to her military training when faced with threats, providing a rich subtext for an actor to explore.

7. Interesting Relationships: Her protective bond with her nephew, Jesse, and her students, contrasted with her tactical and strained interactions with the militia, offers a complex web of relationships.

8. Unique Voice: Kellen's military background and educational role combine to create a unique authoritative yet empathetic voice, enriched by tactical command and environmental wisdom.

9. Special: Her transition from a life-taking sniper to a life-teaching environmentalist makes her a unique symbol of redemption and transformation, setting her apart in a narrative filled with action and suspense.

Gabriel Knox
1. Known for Role: An actor would be drawn to Gabriel’s role due to the complex portrayal of a villain who sees himself as a hero, providing a deep exploration of misguided patriotism.

2. Most Interesting Character: Gabriel is fascinating due to his charismatic leadership, strategic mind, and the personal vendetta driving his extremist actions, offering a nuanced antagonist.

3. Interesting Actions: Gabriel orchestrating complex strategies and psychological warfare, not just physical confrontations, showcases his strategic genius and ruthlessness.

4. Introduction: Introduce him in a charismatic rally or planning session, showing his influence and radical vision, instantly setting him up as a formidable and persuasive antagonist.

5. Emotional Range: Gabriel’s role spans from calm, persuasive speeches to explosive anger and strategic manipulation, providing a vast emotional landscape.

6. Subtext: His sense of betrayal and loss fuels his actions, giving an actor rich subtext to play with, portraying a man torn between revenge and a warped sense of duty.

7. Interesting Relationships: His adversarial relationship with Kellen, coupled with interactions with his followers, where he shifts between mentor and tyrant, provides dynamic relational dynamics.

8. Unique Voice: Gabriel’s speech patterns mix the fervor of a zealot with the cold precision of a military strategist, making his dialogue captivating and chilling.

9. Special: His portrayal as a villain with a cause, a twisted hero in his own narrative, makes him a particularly compelling character that stands out in a genre filled with clear-cut antagonists.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

LEE’S ACTOR ATTRACTOR in LUCY

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is the HUGE impact that an actor’s choice of a good, well-written role can make not just in the movie itself, but in the actor’s career, both present and future. This makes how we design and write characters incredibly important.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS Template
Movie Title: LUCY

Movie Genre – Sci-fi Action

Lead Character Name: Lucy

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? It was a Luc Besson action film with a female action hero. Released in 2014, it was the first stand-alone female-driven action film to come out that didn’t star Angelina Jolie. Besson had several years before resurrected the career of drama actor Liam Neeson by putting him in an action film (Taken) that was a huge hit and turned him into a franchise action star at age 55, which was almost an oxymoron at the time. Female-led action films were just as rare in those days–no one thought that a woman (except Jolie) could carry an action film, so Scarlett Johanssen, who had been an Oscar-winning indie film darling for her entire career so far and was only given what was basically a bit part in the new Avengers cinematic universe at the time, perhaps saw this as a way to, in a very big way, introduce herself to the world as a commercial star capable of even carrying an action film, something that only one other woman had done successfully, and thus making herself bankable–and vastly upping her “quote” as well.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? It’s all about her. She’s the star, in every scene, and it’s her story. She’s a floundering young woman in Taiwan who is taken advantage of in so many terrible ways, and once she becomes super-powered by her kidnappers’ own drugs, uses her new gifts to get vengeance on them all.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? She uses the new knowledge she’s gotten to find out more about the drug that’s causing such amazing changes in her. She, a street girl at the beginning, is so much more, curious about what’s happening to her, and spends most of the movie trying to find out, all while fighting off dozens of Chinese drug cartel goons.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? The character is introduced at the opening scene when she’s arguing with a loser-type guy who wants her to deliver something to someone. He suddenly snaps handcuffs on her that attach the brief case he wants her to deliver, making her angry and upset. Then she goes inside the fancy building nearby and asks to see the person who is supposed to get the brief case and finds herself with a bunch of Chinese gangsters and that what’s inside the brief case are bags of some kind of blue liquid that is then implanted in her body. From American student to drug mule for a Chinese cartel inside of 15 minutes.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? From hysterically angry, afraid, and terrified to stoically non-emotional when she begins to use more and more of her brain and she gets where she doesn’t feel anything.

6. What subtext can the actor play? As she gains more and more brainpower from the drugs inside her, she still feigns that she’s a normal person with her friend and others—until she makes some off-the-cuff remark to them like what they’re thinking, who their entire family is, etc.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? Her relationship with the college professor who’s developing theories of what it would be like having the use of more than 10% of your total brain power. He’s astounded that what he’s only postulated theoretically is suddenly standing before him, talking with him, etc. and she wants to know how long she has to live before her brain literally explodes and wants to share her experiences with him if possible.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? She’s just your average American street girl at the beginning, but as she becomes more self-aware, etc. she changes to a stoic, almost robotic tone that belies the situations that she’s in.

9. What makes this character special and unique? Because of her increased brain power, she develops all sorts of psychic powers. She’s telekinetic, she can read minds, her hands can move at blinding speeds,

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.) The scene where she toys with the gangsters men by literally thinking them to die–and they do, then others come and she thinks them up to the ceiling, empties their weapons of bullets, just by using her superior brain power, all while negotiating with the cartel leader.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee's GENRE CONVENTIONS

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is…that adding genre conventions does indeed enhance the story, but also gives me bullet points to use in pitching the project as well.

Title – Tough Assignment
High Concept = An ex-Green Beret turned teacher at a Sierra Nevada outdoor school faces her most challenging mission ever when a radical militia group, using an old mining town as headquarters for a nationwide cyber attack, takes her students hostage, including her own nephew, while they’re on a nature hike nearby.

Major Story Hook =When all else fails, the teacher must not only rescue her students, but foil the plot of the militia group to bring down huge sections of the nation’s power grid, using just her wits, her training, her tactical knife, and an old sniper rifle she was gifted upon retirement, that has no ammunition.

Genre – Action/thriller

1. CONVENTIONS OF ACTION
PURPOSE: To excite your audience with an adrenaline-stirring, fast-paced,
big-event story.
DEMAND FOR ACTION: There is a problem or goal that the only solution is
a high level of action (Intense fighting, running, escaping, and/or
competing). Plot, character, and situations are all designed to demand
Action!
MISSION: There is a stated or implied mission. The Hero must take down
the antagonistic force, defend against overwhelming odds, or escape the
inescapable.
ESCALATING ACTION: Overcoming the problem requires greater and
greater heights of action (and involving higher stakes) as the story
progresses.
HERO: Highly capable and skilled. Often, they bring a unique skill or talent
to the fight that has them stand out from other heroes in the genre.
ANTAGONISTS: Clearly evil / corrupt / malicious, necessitating decisive and
expedient action to deal with them.

CONVENTIONS OF THRILLERS
PURPOSE: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and
suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.
LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS. They face danger at every step — either
physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger
or there is the implication of future danger.
MYSTERY/INTRIGUE/SUSPENSE: There's a mystery that must be solved in
order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan.
Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.
HERO: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero
VILLAIN: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy
anyone who gets in their way.
MAIN EMOTIONS: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation,
uncertainty, and surprise.

Brainstorming ways to integrate was to make conventions more powerful.

BIG EVENT STORY – Include scene in Afghanistan at the beginning. Shows who Kellen is and what she can do, also sets up internal conflict.

SITUATIONS THAT DEMAND ACTION – Add scene with SWAT team, Kellen trying to get kids out in the confusion, when her comrades show up, etc.

MISSION, ESCALATING ACTION – Kellen has to save her class, plus stop a nationwide cyber-terrorist attack. More and more action is required when all else fails.

HERO – is an ex-Green Beret, with all the skills that come with that kind of soldier.

ANTAGONISTS – Are a radical militia group intent on causing nationwide mayhem to bring down the system.

Thriller Conventions worked in

One Hero, Jesse, is a novice who has no skills at all when it comes to fighting, killing, etc. but is resourceful and sharp.

Life and Death Situations are there constantly, especially for Jesse and the kids, as they are being held hostage.

Intrigue: Kellen, Jesse, and the kids figure out the real extent of the plan of these wildcat miners turned domestic terrorists.

NEW 4-ACT STRUCTURE

4-Act Transformational Structure:
Old Ways:
Kellen Hamilton is haunted by her past as a Green Beret sniper, carrying the guilt of civilian casualties. She has shifted her focus to teaching and preserving the Sierra Nevada, avoiding any connection to her military skills which she associates with violence and pain.

Act 1: Setup
* Opening: Kellen snaps out of a horrible dream of her days as an Army Green Beret unable to rescue Afghan friends as her helicopter leaves without them. She’s in her cabin at an Outdoor Education camp. Later, she leads her students on a day-long nature hike, emphasizing lessons in environmental science and survival skills. It ends at an old mining ghost town. Disturbingly, it’s not a ghost town anymore
* Inciting Incident: It’s occupied by a group of wildcat miners. Kellen notes sophisticated electronics hidden under tarps, and a student sees an assault rifle. Kellen tries to quietly leave with her students, but things erupt into a furious hand-to-hand fight as Kellen tells the students to run, but they’re trapped. They become hostages.
* Turning Point: Despite the situation, Kellen manages to secretly send a distress signal to the Outdoor School before all communications are jammed by the militia.

Act 2: Escalation
* New Plan: As Kellen waits for the county sheriffs, she quietly takes pics of things she sees, suspicious stuff. She also gets Jesse, tells him he’ll be in charge if she can escape.
* Plan in Action: A sheriff’s SWAT team shows up, surrounds the town, and negotiations begin to release Kellen’s class. From inside the old mine they’re in Kellen sees many things that don’t add up—satellite dishes, communications equipment, shoulder-fired missiles, etc. all the while regaining bits of her old confidence and tactical acumen. She snaps pics of everything she sees with a phone she always keeps hidden.
* Midpoint Turning Point: Suddenly, shots are fired. The militia and the SWAT team are engaged. As the furious battle rages, Kellen overpowers the class’s confused guards. Kellen sees a way out, but just as they’re leaving, the shooting stops. The SWAT team has been slaughtered, and the leader of the militia, Gabriel Knox, sees what’s about to happen. Kellen tells Jesse to run the kids back to the mine and keep them safe—she’ll escape and be back with help.

Act 3: Deepening Complications and Inner Conflict
* Rethink Everything: Kellen calls her old friend Mara, a cybersecurity expert and former Green Beret. From Kellen’s pictures and descriptions, she deduces that these are domestic terrorists about to launch some kind of major cyber attack, perhaps anywhere or everywhere in the country.
* New Plan: After realizing the depth of the threat, Kellen comes up with a plan involving some former comrades who are called in to help. They head back to the mining town, certain that they’ll be able to break in and rescue the kids.
* Turning Point: Huge Failure/Major Shift: However, the militia is well-armed and skilled, and everything Kellen and her team tries, fails. And when she finally breaks through, Gabriel Knox orders all his men to grab a kid and use them as a personal human shield while they go about their business. Kellen is faced with the situation that, once again, she’s free, but those she loves and are responsible for are trapped.

Act 4: Climax and Resolution
* Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Kellen and friends regroup. With her sniper rifle and tactical knife, Kellen quietly picks off outlying militia and frees their kid. As this happens, they get closer and closer to the old mine, where the last of the kids are and Knox is readying his cyber attack—a virus that will be inserted into electrical grids all over the nation. As Kellen’s rifle destroys Knox’s communications, Jesse and the remaining kids escape. Then Kellen and Knox fight it out, and he’s killed after a vicious hand to hand battle.
* Resolution: There are no casualties in Kellen’s class, and the authorities haul off the few survivors of the militia. Kellen's actions not only save her students but also redefine her relationship with Jesse, strengthening their bond. She reconciles her past and present, recognizing that her military skills, when guided by her values, can lead to redemption and peace.

New Ways:
By the film's conclusion, Kellen has transformed her view of her military past from a source of guilt to a foundation for courageous and ethical leadership. She integrates her combat skills with her commitment to teaching and conservation, achieving a harmonious balance that aligns with her new identity as both a protector and educator.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Create 4-Act Structure

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is that this time, I had to do some major revision to what the AI gave me, because there were lots of things that were just vaguely stated in the 4-Act structure that needed to be more specific. I had to make sure its story line was in line with my own vision of the basic story.

2. Give us the following:
High Concept = An ex-Green Beret turned teacher at a Sierra Nevada outdoor school faces her most challenging mission ever when a radical militia group, using an old mining town as headquarters for a nationwide cyber attack, takes her students hostage, including her own nephew, while they’re on a nature hike nearby.

Major Story Hook =When all else fails, the teacher must not only rescue her students, but foil the plot of the militia group to bring down huge sections of the nation’s power grid, using just her wits, her training, her tactical knife, and an old sniper rifle she was gifted upon retirement, that has no ammunition.

* Old Ways:
* Kellen begins with avoidance of her military past and its associated violence, focusing on education and conservation. She is haunted by guilt and fears reconnecting with her combative skills, believing they only lead to pain and regret.
* New Ways:
* By the end, Kellen sees her skills as vital for protection and leadership, using them to save lives and counteract a significant threat. She accepts that her military past can coexist with her current values, leading her to a more integrated and peaceful self-identity.

3. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
* Opening – Kellen’s going through her morning routine—she runs through the forest, at various stations, she uses Karate to break boards, split logs, stabs hay-filled dummies, she fires arrows from a compound bow, etc.. She stops, exhausted, at her personal cabin at an outdoor education school in the Sierra Nevada foothills. Her hiking group is walking to an old abandoned mining town today. We see her teaching and have a good time with 6th grade kids and her high school-age counselors, one of whom is her nephew Jesse. They seem distant, not very affectionate, etc.
* Inciting Incident – They find out the abandoned mining town is NOT abandoned. It’s been taken over night by a group of modern-day prospectors wanting to scavenge the old mine there for gold. Kellen is suspicious, but Gabriel Knox, the group’s leader, allows them to do their tour. One of the kids points out to Kellen that she saw a gun—it’s an assault rifle!
* Turning Point – Kellen tries to move the kids away, but they’re stopped. Guns are pulled. Kellen fights off several of them and the kids try to flee, but they’re taken hostage. Kellen’s the only one that escapes.
Act 2:
* New plan – Kellen calls things in and soon county sheriff SWAT teams show up. So does Kellen.
* Plan in action – While negotiations take place, Kellen slips into the old mine and finds evidence of a much bigger operation, satellite dishes, communication devices, heavy weapons and armor, etc. She covertly reassures the kids.
* Midpoint Turning Point – As this is happening, all hell breaks loose with the SWAT team. The militia group fights it out with them while Kellen finds Jesse, tells him he’s in charge of the kids—this is way worse than they thought. The SWAT team is wiped out. All pretenses are now off—the kidnappers are a right-wing militia who are up to something really, really bad, and the kids are hostages.
Act 3:
* Rethink everything – Kellen talks with her friend Mara, a cybersecurity expert and former comrade in Afghanistan. From Kellen’s photos, Mara thinks that these guys might be up to some major cyber operation, perhaps taking down the government, major power grids, etc.
* New plan – Mara helps Kellen summon some old comrades to the scene.
* Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Their attempt to free the kids does not go well. There’s casualties on both sides, but the kids are still hostages, and now, each militia person hauls a kid around with them as a human shield while they prepare their satellite dishes and electronics to infect the electrical grids of major areas of the country and shut them down. Kellen now looks to her old sniper rifle, and a last ditch plan is made.
Act 4:
* Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – using her 50-cal. sniper rifle and a long-range compound bow, Kellen picks off militia men one by one as the kids then run away with the help of her friends and Jesse. She also disables most of the militia’s equipment, then moves in herself when she knows all the kids are safe. She battles it out with Gabriel Knox, and vanquishes him.
* Resolution – Kellen is back at the outdoor school, but this time she leads her class to an archery range, where they learn about shooting with bows and arrows. In the dining hall, there’s a huge display that commemorates the day that Kellen saved the school, with her sniper rifle now enshrined in a place of honor. Jesse is a staff member and soon will become a full-fledged teacher once he finishes college.

AI PROMPT AND RESPONSE

I’m going to give you my [genre] feature film about [Concept], with [Lead characters], [Old Ways], and [New Ways], along with my [3-Act Structure] and my main character’s [Transformational Journey].

Please turn my 3-Act Structure into a [4-Act Transformational Structure] using this information.
The 1st Act is the 1st Act. The 2nd Act (of the 3 Act structure) becomes Act 2 and Act 3, with the Midpoint being the end of Act 2. Then Act 3 (of the 3 Act structure) becomes Act 4 (of the 4-Act structure).

4 Act Transformational Structure =

Old Ways:

Act 1:
• Opening
• Inciting Incident
• Turning Point
Act 2:
• New plan
• Plan in action
• Midpoint Turning Point
Act 3:
• Rethink everything
• New plan
• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
• Resolution
New Ways:

Genre = Action/Thriller
Concept = An ex-Green Beret turned teacher at a Sierra Nevada outdoor school faces her most challenging mission ever when a radical militia group, using an old mining town as headquarters for a nationwide cyber attack, takes her students hostage, including her own nephew, while they’re on a nature hike nearby.

Lead Characters =
Character 1: Kellen Hamilton
* Role: Ex-Green Beret turned environmental science teacher
* Core Traits: Resourceful, resilient, fiercely protective, and environmentally conscious. She possesses a calm demeanor under pressure, with an underlying steeliness forged from her military background.
* Motivation: Teaching the students that come each week to her Outdoor school with discipline, compassion, and fun; preserving the natural beauty and integrity of the Sierra Nevada mountains.
* Wound: Kellen carries the guilt of the many lives she took as her team’s sniper, especially those missions that resulted in civilian casualties. She left the military in search of redemption, peace, and a new purpose, where there would be no reason to resurrect her past life and its hauntings ever again.

Character 2: Jesse Hamilton
* Role: Kellen’s high-school age nephew, dorm counselor for the students that Kellen teaches during this week at the Outdoor School.
* Core Traits: Jesse is very smart and cyber-savvy, but also kind of a nerd. He could be a fine athlete, especially a runner, but lacks the confidence to compete. He enjoys the younger students he’s in charge of, but is just learning how to keep the rowdier ones in line.
* Motivation: Jesse thinks his counselor experience will help him come out of his shell, boost his confidence, be an interesting break from school, and also give him a chance to get to know his aunt better, since she’s almost never been around.
* Wound: Jesse feels some resentment towards Kellen since she’s never been around and she was always his favorite when he was little. He’s also sensitive about being bullied as a “nerd” and wishes he could fight back better against the boys who do it.

Character 3: Mara Jensen
* Role: Casey's old military friend, now a cybersecurity expert who occasionally does work for the military.
* Core Traits: Sharp-witted, highly intelligent, and ethical. She has a hacker's mindset of finding creative solutions to complex problems and a soldier's commitment to duty.
* Motivation: Helping Casey thwart the militia's cyber-terror attack out of loyalty and a deep-seated belief in protecting the country against all forms of terrorism.
* Wound: Mara feels responsible for a cyber-operation that backfired, causing unintended harm to innocent people. Her work with Casey offers a chance at atonement and to use her skills for unequivocal good.

Character 4: Gabriel Knox
* Role: Leader of the radical militia group
* Core Traits: Charismatic, ruthless, highly strategic, and ideologically driven. He believes in his cause with fervent zeal and sees himself as a patriot defending his country from decline.
* Motivation: Establishing a stronghold in the Sierra Nevadas for his group to launch a nationwide revolution, starting with the cyber-terror attack. He seeks to reshape the country according to his radical ideology.
* Wound: Gabriel was once a soldier who felt abandoned and betrayed by his government after suffering severe injuries and losing his team in a mission that was later disavowed. This betrayal twisted his sense of patriotism into a radical and dangerous ideology.

Old Ways = Kellen begins with avoidance of her military past and its associated violence, focusing on education and conservation. She is haunted by guilt and fears reconnecting with her combative skills, believing they only lead to pain and regret.

New Ways = By the end, Kellen sees her skills as vital for protection and leadership, using them to save lives and counteract a significant threat. She accepts that her military past can coexist with her current values, leading her to a more integrated and peaceful self-identity.
I
Transformational Journey = Transformational Journey of Kellen Hamilton in "Tough Assignment"
1. Character Arc:
* Arc Begins:
* At the story's outset, Kellen Hamilton is a former Green Beret turned teacher, dealing with deep-seated guilt over her military actions, particularly the civilian casualties. She has chosen a peaceful life in the Sierra Nevada to distance herself from her past, focusing on teaching and preserving the environment, yet she remains isolated, avoiding close relationships due to her fear of loss and trauma reemergence.
* Arc Ends:
* By the end of the film, Kellen has embraced her past and her skills not as sources of guilt but as tools for protection and leadership. She reclaims her role as a protector, using her military training for a noble cause, saving her students and thwarting a national threat. This allows her to reconcile her past actions with her current values, achieving a newfound peace and a strengthened bond with her nephew, Jesse.
Internal/External Journey:
* Internal Journey:
* Kellen’s internal journey is one of reconciliation with her past and transformation from avoidance to acceptance. She battles her inner demons—guilt, fear of violence, and detachment—gradually learning to forgive herself and understand the value of her skills in new contexts.
* External Journey:
* Externally, Kellen transitions from a teacher on a routine field trip to a lone warrior taking on a militia. Her journey involves tactical evasion, covert sabotage, and eventual confrontation with the militia leader, using both her Green Beret skills and her improvised resources.

3-Act Structure = 
3-Act Structure:
Act 1: Setup
1. Opening:
* Kellen leads her students on a week-long nature hike in the Sierra Nevada. We see her teaching, connecting with nature, and her nephew Jesse interacting with other students.
2. Inciting Incident:
* During the hike, Kellen and her students stumble upon the hidden headquarters of a militia group. They are taken hostage, and Kellen learns about the cyber-terror plot.
3. Act 1 Turning Point:
* Kellen manages to send a covert distress signal to Mara before all communications are cut off by the militia.
Act 2: Confrontation
4. Midpoint:
* Armed only with her tactical knife and an old, unloaded sniper rifle, Kellen starts to sabotage the militia’s operations subtly. Meanwhile, Mara receives the distress signal and begins coordinating with authorities while also hacking into the militia’s network.
5. Act 2 Turning Point:
* Jesse, using his cyber-skills, finds a way to disrupt the militia’s internal communications, buying Kellen time. Gabriel Knox discovers the sabotage and tightens security, suspecting a mole among the hostages.
Act 3: Resolution
6. Climax:
* With Mara’s remote help, Kellen locates ammunition hidden in an old shed within the camp. She uses her sniper skills in a final showdown to incapacitate Gabriel Knox, as the authorities close in on the militia.
7. Resolution:
* The students are rescued, and the cyber attack is averted. Kellen’s relationship with Jesse strengthens, and they share a moment of reconciliation. Mara’s actions redeem her past mistakes, and Kellen finds a new sense of peace, having used her skills for a noble cause.

AI RESPONSE

4-Act Transformational Structure:
Old Ways:
Kellen Hamilton is haunted by her past as a Green Beret sniper, carrying the guilt of civilian casualties. She has shifted her focus to teaching and preserving the Sierra Nevada, avoiding any connection to her military skills which she associates with violence and pain.
Act 1: Setup
* Opening: Kellen snaps out of a horrible dream of her days as an Army Green Beret unable to rescue Afghan friends as her helicopter leaves without them. She’s in her cabin at an Outdoor Education camp. Later, she leads her students on a day-long nature hike, emphasizing lessons in environmental science and survival skills. It ends at an old mining ghost town. Disturbingly, it’s not a ghost town anymore
* Inciting Incident: It’s occupied by a group of wildcat miners. Kellen notes sophisticated electronics hidden under tarps, and a student sees an assault rifle. Kellen tries to quietly leave with her students, but things erupt into a furious hand-to-hand fight as Kellen tells the students to run, but they’re trapped. They become hostages.
* Turning Point: Despite the situation, Kellen manages to secretly send a distress signal to the Outdoor School before all communications are jammed by the militia.
Act 2: Escalation
* New Plan: As Kellen waits for the county sheriffs, she quietly rallies the older counselors, including Jesse, to stay calm and observant.
* Plan in Action: A sheriff’s SWAT team shows up, surrounds the town, and negotiations begin to release Kellen’s class. From inside the old mine they’re in Kellen sees many things that don’t add up—satellite dishes, communications equipment, shoulder-fired missiles, etc. all the while regaining bits of her old confidence and tactical acumen. She snaps pics of everything she sees with a phone she always keeps hidden.
* Midpoint Turning Point: Suddenly, shots are fired. The militia and the SWAT team are engaged. As the furious battle rages, Kellen overpowers the class’s confused guards. Kellen sees a way out, but just as they’re leaving, the shooting stops. The SWAT team has been slaughtered, and the leader of the militia, Gabriel Knox, sees what’s about to happen. Kellen tells Jesse to run the kids back to the mine and keep them safe—she’ll escape and be back with help.
Act 3: Deepening Complications and Inner Conflict
* Rethink Everything: Kellen calls her old friend Mara, a cybersecurity expert and former Green Beret. From Kellen’s pictures and descriptions, she deduces that these are domestic terrorists about to launch some kind of major cyber attack, perhaps anywhere or everywhere in the country.
* New Plan: After realizing the depth of the threat, Kellen fully embraces her skills for the greater good, orchestrating a plan involving some former comrades who are called in to help. They head back to the mining town, certain that they’ll be able to break in and rescue the kids.
* Turning Point: Huge Failure/Major Shift: However, the militia is well-armed and everything Kellen and her team tries, fails. And when she finally breaks through, Gabriel Knox orders all his men to grab a kid and use them as a personal human shield while they go about their business. Kellen is faced with the situation that, once again, she’s free, but those she loves and are responsible for are trapped.
Act 4: Climax and Resolution
* Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: Kellen and friends regroup. With her sniper rifle and bow and arrows, Kellen quietly picks off outlying militia and frees their kid. As this happens, they get closer and closer to the old mine, where the last of the kids are and Knox is readying his cyber attack—a virus that will be inserted into electrical grids all over the nation. As one of her team destroys Knox’s machinery, Kellen frees the remaining kids and sends them out. Then she and Knox fight it out, and he’s killed after a vicious hand to hand battle.
* Resolution: There are no casualties in Kellen’s class, and the authorities haul off the few survivors of the militia. Kellen's actions not only save her students but also redefine her relationship with Jesse, strengthening their bond. She reconciles her past and present, recognizing that her military skills, when guided by her values, can lead to redemption and peace.
New Ways:
By the film's conclusion, Kellen has transformed her view of her military past from a source of guilt to a foundation for courageous and ethical leadership. She integrates her combat skills with her commitment to teaching and conservation, achieving a harmonious balance that aligns with her new identity as both a protector and educator.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

LEE'S TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this assignment is that, in this case anyway, the AI response was absolutely amazing. It basically said the same things that I had, but augmented and elaborated on each so expertly, and also gave suggestions for bringing out the Transformational Journey in the outlining and writing of the script that were superb. Great prompt, Hal and team!!

2. Tell us the Character Arc for your Protagonist:
* Arc Beginning: Kellen is a teacher at an Outdoor School in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada, enjoying its peace and serenity, and doing her best to wash herself emotionally clean from everything she ever did as an Army Green Beret years before.
* Arc Ending: Having had to use her military skills again to both save her students and nephew, but also the nation, she feels now reconciled with her past, is able to talk about it, and be proud of her service as well as continue doing her teaching job.

3. Give us their Internal/External Journey.
* Internal Journey: From denial of her Army service to acceptance and pride in what she’s done, and the skills she learned there.
* External Journey: Kellen goes from swearing she’ll never use anything she learned as a soldier again to using those very skills to save the lives of many who she cares about and loves.

4. Tell us their Old Ways at the beginning of the movie and their New Ways at the end.
* Old Ways: Denial of her past, to the point of keeping it hidden from others.
* New Ways: Acceptance of who she once was and pride in her service and what she learned through it, feels free to talk about it, share stories, and her nephew’s pride in who she both was and is.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Subtext Plots

SUBTEXT – BENEATH THE SURFACE

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned doing this lesson is how exciting it is to think up subtext possibilities and how they will fit into the story I want to tell. And once again, the AI prompt was superb, leading to many new opportunities for subtext as well as exciting ways to augment ones that I’d already thought of.

2 – 3. Some subtext plots I’d like to use include…
1. Scheme and Investigation – Gabriel Knox is scheming to unleash a major cyber attack on the power grids of major US cities, Kellen is investigating if their cover story about taking over a gold mine is really true.
2. Layering – When Kellen discovers what Gabriel is really up to, it changes the whole way the story’s direction is going.
3. Someone Hides Who They Are – Kellen hides that she’s an ex-Green Beret, Gabriel hides that he’s really a domestic terrorist.
4. The Fish Out of Water – When Kellen escapes just before Gabe takes the class hostage, she puts Jesse, her nephew, their not-so-responsible counselor, in charge of everyone’s safety.
5. Superior Position – We know that Kellen was fighting in Afghanistan for much of Jesse’s life, but he doesn’t, and neither does Gabriel.
6. A Major Cover-up – Gabriel has constructed a very convincing pretext that his bunch are just gold miners who are squatters at an abandoned mine, but really are domestic terrorists about to set off a major attack.

Responses generated by AI Prompt

For your action/thriller screenplay centered around Kellen Hamilton, an ex-Green Beret turned teacher who faces a radical militia during a nature hike, here are seven subtext plot options that could be woven into the narrative:

1. Scheme and Investigation: Gabriel Knox, the militia leader, has schemed a cyber-terror attack under the guise of a radical patriotic movement. Kellen, using her military background and environmental knowledge, investigates the group's movements and plans. She uncovers layers of deception within the militia, revealing conflicting interests among its members that she can exploit to save her students.
2. Layering: Throughout the film, Kellen’s actions and decisions carry a deeper significance linked to her past military experience and her guilt. As she devises plans to rescue her students and thwart the militia's attack, flashbacks reveal the deeper emotional and ethical layers of her past missions, which mirror her current situation, ultimately guiding her towards redemption.
3. Someone Hides Who They Are: Mara Jensen, initially introduced as a cybersecurity expert aiding the militia, is later revealed to be working undercover to help Kellen. Her dual role is exposed when she sabotages the militia’s communications, aligning with her deeper motivation to correct her past mistakes and protect national security.
4. The Fish Out of Water: Jesse Hamilton, a cyber-savvy but socially awkward teen, finds himself out of his depth but must rise to the occasion. His knowledge becomes crucial when he has to hack into the militia's network to delay the attack, giving Kellen time to execute a rescue. His transformation from a hesitant youth to a decisive actor in the crisis adds a layer of growth and suspense.
5. Superior Position: The audience knows from the outset about the empty sniper rifle gifted to Kellen, a symbolic reminder of her past. As the tension builds, the viewers wait in anticipation for how this seemingly useless item will play a crucial role in the climax, enhancing the suspense and engagement.
6. A Major Cover Up: The militia has covered up the true extent of their network and influence, which includes infiltrations into various local and national systems. As Kellen uncovers the scope of the attack and the breaches in security, she exposes the disturbing breadth of the militia's reach, adding a layer of political intrigue.
7. Competitive Agendas: Gabriel Knox and Kellen Hamilton, both skilled strategists and leaders, engage in a high-stakes game of cat and mouse. Each uses their training and tactical acumen to outmaneuver the other, with their encounters laden with ideological debates and tactical showdowns, illustrating their conflicting agendas and highlighting the personal stakes for each.

These subtext plots enrich the screenplay by adding depth to the characters’ actions and the story’s progression, allowing for a multi-layered narrative that engages the audience on several levels.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Lee Tidball. Reason: HTML formatting stuff that was for some reason stuck onto the bottom of my post box destroyed all my formatting, especially spacing. I tried to fix it using the "edit" button, but I couldn't eliminated the HTML tags. Thus, my response looks like a mess. So sorry

[Lee Tidball]

INTENTIONAL CHARACTERS

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned from this assignment is how important it is to “design” characters who are uniquely suited for their role in this one particular story. The idea of designing characters seems almost god-like in a way, but it’s fascinating and necessary as well.

Also, AI really came through for me on this one, making much of what I’d put down myself more concise and augmented, and adding a Triangle character, which is in the Concept, making that person very pivotal.

TOUGH ASSIGNMENT – Lead Character loglines

Kellen (protagonist)

Kellen is an ex-Green Beret who’s become a teacher at an outdoor school to help her learn to care, empathize, and experience joy in her life again.

Kellen is unique in that she’s chosen a completely different, life-affirming profession to chase away her PTSD rather than just do some civilian form of what she did in the military (police, National Guard, FBI, Secret Service, etc.).

Gabriel (antagonist)

Gabriel is the leader of a right-wing radical militia who, when he takes Kellen’s class hostage, forces Kellen to return to her old world to save her new one.

Gabriel is unique in his passion for bringing down the system in the most massive and unexpected ways possible.

AI PROMPT AND RESPONSE

Please create the lead characters for this [genre] feature screenplay about [concept] and these [characters].

For this story, please give us a Protagonist, Antagonist, and Connecting Character. Please tell us their [journey] and what makes them [unique].

PROTAGONIST: This is the character the story is about. They are going on the Transformational Journey (next lesson) and the audience will feel deeply connected to them. Often, the concept gives their overall journey.

ANTAGONIST: This character’s whole purpose is to disrupt the Protagonist’s journey. They may be their enemy who is trying to kill them or friend who doesn’t want them to succeed because it will ruin their friendship.

TRAINGLE CHARACTER: In a love-triangle or a dramatic-triangle, there is a third main character that creates a competition and/or conflict between the first two.

INTENTIONAL = What makes this character perfect to deliver the story powerfully — such as their background, profile, skills, connections, education, position, or some special way they contribute to the story? The character serves the story, genre, concept, and theme, and plays their role in the story. Drives the story and delivers on the arc of the story.

With each character, tell us the following:

Character:
Role:
Journey:
Unique:
Intentional:

Genre = Action/Thriller
Title = Tough Assignment
Concept = An ex-Green Beret turned teacher at a Sierra Nevada outdoor school faces her most challenging mission ever when a radical militia group, using an old mining town as headquarters for a nationwide cyber attack, takes her students hostage, including her own nephew, while they’re on a nature hike nearby.
Characters = Kellen, the Protagonist, ex-Green Beret

Gabriel, Antagonist, leader of the radical militia group

For the feature screenplay “Tough Assignment,” set in the action/thriller genre, the main characters are designed with specific roles and journeys that intertwine with the core concept of the story. The narrative revolves around an ex-Green Beret turned teacher who confronts a radical militia group planning a nationwide cyber attack, leading to a thrilling rescue mission. Here’s a detailed look at the three lead characters:

PROTAGONIST:

Character: Kellen
Role: Ex-Green Beret turned teacher
Journey: Kellen’s transformational journey involves shifting from a peaceful teaching life back to her military roots to rescue her students and nephew. This ordeal forces her to reconcile her past with her present, utilizing her combat skills and strategic thinking in a non-war setting.
Unique: Kellen’s unique combination of military training and educational empathy makes her adept at both combat and ensuring the emotional well-being of her students during the crisis.
Intentional: Her background as a Green Beret is essential for the physical demands of the rescue, while her current role as a teacher provides her with a personal stake in the safety and future of her students, driving the emotional depth of the narrative.

ANTAGONIST:

Character: Gabriel
Role: Leader of the radical militia group
Journey: Gabriel’s journey is one of escalating conflict, as his plans for the cyber attack are threatened by Kellen’s unexpected resistance. His journey explores the depths of extremism and the personal vendettas that fuel his actions.
Unique: Gabriel is characterized by his charismatic yet ruthless leadership, which allows him to command loyalty among his followers and instill fear in his adversaries.
Intentional: His antagonism directly challenges Kellen’s objectives, providing the necessary conflict for the story. His technical expertise and strategic cunning make him a formidable opponent who can execute a complex cyber plot and physical takeover.

TRIANGLE CHARACTER:

Character: Jesse
Role: Kellen’s nephew and student
Journey: Caught between the protagonist’s protective instincts and the antagonist’s menacing plans, Jesse’s journey involves growth from a naïve student into a courageous young man who plays a pivotal role in his own rescue.
Unique: Jesse’s relationship with Kellen adds a personal dimension to her mission, intensifying her resolve. He also represents the innocence at risk throughout the story, embodying the stakes beyond just tactical success.
Intentional: Jesse’s presence in the hostage group and personal connection to Kellen heighten the emotional stakes of the narrative, adding layers to Kellen’s motivations and providing a catalyst for her actions and decisions during the crisis.

These characters are crafted to drive the story of “Tough Assignment” powerfully, each serving their role in the unfolding drama that blends intense action with deep personal stakes. Their interconnected journeys ensure a gripping narrative that keeps the audience invested in their fates.

[Lee Tidball]

LEE’S TITLE, CONCEPT, AND CHARACTER STRUCTURE

My Vision: I am a writer who is excellent, recognized as such by people in the industry, and has several projects sold for WGA-type fees and some of those produced and successful in the theater and/or on a major streamer.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the idea of Character Structure to start the outlining process. Really brilliant stuff, and an easy way to get yourself off the ground and creating!

TITLE AND CONCEPT

Title = Tough Assignment

Genre = Action/Thriller

High Concept = An ex-Green Beret turned teacher at a Sierra Nevada outdoor school faces her most challenging mission ever when a radical militia group, using an old mining town as headquarters for a nationwide cyber attack, takes her students hostage, including her own nephew, while they’re on a nature hike nearby.

Major Story Hook =When all else fails, the teacher must not only rescue her students, but foil the plot of the militia group to bring down huge sections of the nation’s power grid, using just her wits, her training, her tactical knife, and an old sniper rifle she was gifted upon retirement, that has no ammunition.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE

Protagonist v Antagonist

[Lee Tidball]

Some things I learned/were reinforced last night…

– Ditch my perfectionist tendencies until the proper time

– Thinking “outside the box” more–and really going there, but in a marketable way with my projects.

– That grid that had stuff about where we’re at, like “stuck, fantasy, etc.” I want to see myself in the more productive ones.

– AI is one of the most valuable assistants a writer can have.

[Lee Tidball]

My Name is Lee Tidball

I’ve completed at least a dozen scripts (probably more), including features, TV pilots and episodes, etc.

In this class, I hope to get really familiar with AI as my writing “assistant” and also get myself out of the box more, write a truly outstanding AND marketable script, and have an overall more “empowered” attitude about writing.

Something unique??? Well, during my 30-year career as a teacher and coach, I started my own track and field team that I coached for 20 seasons, I coached girls youth soccer for 10 seasons, and also started my own children’s community theater company, directing 4 summer productions, as well as directed 6 or more school productions, and acted in speaking (or soloing) supporting roles in over a dozen church and community theater productions. I loved every minute of everything!

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Tidball

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Pilot Structure

What I learned doing this lesson is a way to construct a TV pilot that will ensure that the audience will be intrigued from the very start to the cliffhanging ending, which will compel them to continue watching the series.

Teaser:

• Essence: The pioneers, including Margret Reed, Virginia Reed, and Charlie Stanton, awake to find themselves all buried in two feet of snow.
• Turning Point: Charlie tells Virginia and Margret that they can’t go forward. They must go back to the lake. They’re trapped.

Act 1:

• Essence: April, 1845. Introduce the Reed family, highly respected, well-bred, living in a formidable house in Springfield, Illinois. James Reed, the father, regales his wife and children with the writings of Lansford Hastings, an adventurer, about the wonders of California.
• Turning Point: Milt Elliot, Reed’s factory foreman, hands Reed some papers. Reed sees what they are and flies into a rage.

Act 2:

• Essence: Reed goes to his lawyer, Abraham Lincoln. He’s told that the papers mean that his business has been declared insolvent, and he must sell some of them to pay back taxes and fees. He’s also got so many creditors wanting him to pay up that his only protection might be bankruptcy.
• Turning Point/Midpoint: Soon after, Reed announces to his family that he’s decided that they’ll move to California in the spring of the next year.

Act 3:

• Essence: April, 1846. In a raucous farewell, the Reeds meet the two Donner families. Virginia meets Leanna Donner, who’s a year older.
• Turning Point: Margret meets Tamsen Donner. Both discuss their husbands’ obsession with Lansford Hastings book about California.

Act 4:

• Essence: Sutter’s Fort, CA. Lansford Hastings makes a deal with John Sutter to bring settlers to CA rather than Oregon. He’ll lead them himself on a new trail that he’s proposed.
• Turning Point: Hastings admits that there’s no trail yet—but he’s heading out now to explore one.

Act 5:

• Essence: Early morning. James Reed signs bankruptcy papers in Abe Lincoln’s office. It won’t get into the local newspaper for a month. Virginia Reed meets him afterwards. They head out to where the families are camped just outside of town.
• Lock In: They’re off on their journey, and, unbeknownst to his family, Reed’s family is not rich or well-off. He’s sold everything, including their house and all his businesses, and if he ever comes back, creditors will be waiting, because he’s just filed for bankruptcy protection from them.

Act 4 and 5 might be switched around.

The narrative of the act will be broken up with Margret Reed and her children settling into a rude cabin with another family and trying to make a life living beside a lake at the base of an awesome mountain pass covered in snow. We meet other members of the Donner Party that they’ve traveled with, and find out that James Reed is no longer with them, and reviled by nearly everyone.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Big Picture Components

What I learned doing this lesson is quite a breakthrough—a whole new and more intriguing way of telling the story of Season 1.

SERIES INFO:

• World: The virgin West, 1846
• Main mystery: Why was James Reed in such a hurry to get to California?
• Impossible Goal: To get to California alive
• Main Conflict: Survival, man against nature, and interpersonal conflicts on how best to do that.
• Second Mystery: Who will survive, and how, and who will not.
• Season 1 Arc: James Reed, George Donner and their families leave Illinois in April, 1846, headed for new lives in California, but due to Reed’s eagerness to get there, they decide to follow an untried new short cut created by unscrupulous adventurer Lansford Hastings, which leads to cascading misfortunes that eventually leave the party trapped in unfathomable snow on the wrong side of the pass through the Sierra Nevada mountains. Reed, banished from the group earlier, is their only hope of rescue, which, much to everyone’s surprise, he does.
• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: James Reed starts as the supremely confident, some say arrogant, and unfazed leader of the Donner Party, but is increasingly reviled by all as things go from bad to worse to catastrophic for the group. Banished from the group for killing a man in self defense, he’s humbled, but his family challenges him to get over the mountains and come rescue them. He takes this up, and eventually rescues not only them, but many of the others who so disdained him.

2. Tell us the basic Pilot Info:

PILOT INFO:

• Pilot Conflict: After being defeated by snowstorms from getting over the summit of the Sierra Nevada, members of the Donner Party return to a lake below the pass and build cabins, griping about their situation, assigning blame, etc. James Reed is much reviled, especially since he’s not there. His wife and kids are finally given shelter—reluctantly—by the Graves family.
• Characters Introduced: Virginia Reed (series narrator), Margret Reed, her mother, Charlie Stanton, the Graves family (William, wife Elizabeth, adult daughters Sarah and Mary Ann, Sarah’s husband Jay), others.
• Inciting Incident of Season 1: After being told by his friend James Clyman, a mountain man, that Lansford Hastings is a liar and his “cutoff” hasn’t even been blazed yet, James Reed tells him that the Hastings Cutoff is a “nearer way” and he’ll take it anyway.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s 5 Seasons

What I learned doing this assignment was that, with a historical fiction story in limited series format, you need to do a lot of tinkering with the prompt to get the five seasons to extrapolate future seasons effectively. After several tries, I got it, and though the summaries below aren’t all that good, I can certainly work with them–they give me good starting points.

NEW FILL IN THE BLANKS VERSION OF 5 SEASONS AND CHAT GPT’S 50-WORD SUMMARIES.

Read the information for the [Five seasons] of my TV series about the survivors of the Donner Party of 1846 and then give me all 5 seasons with a title and a summary of 50 words or less for each season. Title it “5 SEASON SUMMARY.” Write each Season’s description in a way that is intriguing and ends with the Cliffhanger.

[Five seasons]=

Season 1

A. High Concept or major hook of the season:

Survivors of the Donner Party forge new lives in pre-Gold Rush era California, facing personal demons and external threats.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:

James Reed and family settle down on Reed’s land around San Jose. Patrick Breen and family settle in the San Juan Bautista area. Leanna Donner gets married and moves with her husband to Jamestown in the Sierra foothills. Mary Ann Graves marries a man who was among the Donner rescuers. Lewis Keseberg discovers that his two daughters lived, and is disgruntled.

C. Main Conflict:

All these survivors face the stigma of being part of the Donner Party as Reed subdivides his property and opens a general store, the Breens establish a farm, Leanna battles hatred in Jamestown, Mary Ann’s husband is murdered, and Keseberg searches for a wife.

D. Main Mystery/Layers:

Virginia Reed remains staunchly Catholic, angering her father but finding acceptance in others in town. Ed Breen’s mom tells him of the family treasure that she hid near the lake when they were rescued. Leanna Donner runs into Keseberg and assaults him. Mary Ann organizes a search party for her husband’s murderer.

E. Cliffhanger:

At Sutter’s Mill, in the Sierra foothills, gold is discovered by one of John Sutter’s foremen.

Season 2

A. High Concept or major hook of the season:

Survivors face economic challenges, crime, and rivalries as the news of gold in the California foothills electrifies everyone in the area, including the Donner Party survivors.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:

The early days of the California gold rush send those already in California into the hills to find gold, with varying results.

C. Main Conflict:

Virginia Reed elopes with John Murphy, a Catholic. His brothers live in the hills, and they leave San Jose. James Reed is furious, and is galled when they get rich striking gold. Leanna’s husband finds gold in the creek on their property, and must fight off squatters. Ed Breen and his brothers arrive just in time to help. Big Bill McCutcheon agrees to serve as sheriff of San Jose while Reed and son Tommy head for the hills. Keseberg moves to Sacramento and opens a notorious “hotel.”

D. Main Mystery/Layers:

McCutcheon hears rumors that James Reed was bankrupt and came to California and insisted on the “short cut” so he could escape creditors and build a good reputation there.

E. Cliffhanger:

As people pour into CA from all over, James Reed sees San Jose expanding and him becoming even more rich, but Bill McCutcheon tells him privately about the rumors going around about him.

Season 3: “Statehood Shadows”

A. High Concept or major hook of the season:

As California achieves statehood, Lansford Hastings re-emerges onto the northern California scene, this time to bring CA into the Union as a slave state.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:

Reed and others of the Donner Party organize to fight Hastings’ ambition, but find themselves at odds with John Sutter, their former rescuer, who enslaves Native Americans. Reed’s people prevail in the new state legislature, but Reed’s reputation takes hits as rumors about him spread.

C. Main Conflict:

Reed and allies struggle to keep Hastings from organizing an army of settlers, including some of their families, to head for Texas in the event of civil war.

D. Main Mystery/Layers:

Reed’s ties to Abraham Lincoln are revealed, which could endanger Lincoln’s rise in the new Republican Party back East. Ed Breen goes to look for his mother’s treasure back at the lake—and finds it gone. He joins a new service called the Pony Express in Sacramento.

E. Cliffhanger:

Ed Breen sees a notice to someone back East about the James Reed scandal and his ties to Abe Lincoln, rising star of the anti-slavery movement back East, and James Reed has a meeting with Levi Strauss about selling is new work pants at his general store in San Jose.

Season 4: “Foundations of Fortune”

A. High Concept or major hook of the season:

As the Civil War begins back East, Reed, Breen, and others make sure that Hastings takes his Southern sympathizers and leave Northern CA. The next generation of Donner survivors come of age.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:

The Donner survivors, many now rich, must contend with other challenges, including a flood that destroys Sacramento and inundates much of San Jose, and railroad barons come to the area wanting knowledgeable people to help them find a route across the Sierra—through the same pass that trapped the Donner Party folks.

C. Main Conflict:

James Reed, now a leading citizen of San Jose, finds it hard to fight off rumors of his past, especially from his own family. Leanna Donner and her family fight to save their home from floods caused by torrential rains, while Keseberg’s hotel is washed away along with the rest of Sacramento. Mary Ann Graves and Ed Breen sign on to help the railroad. The Elder Breens help San Juan Bautista farmers recover from flooding.

D. Main Mystery/Layers:

Mary Ann, now a teacher, is supposed to help Chinese immigrants to learn English along the railroad, and Ed Breen to plot a route with railroad engineers, but what he’s really there for is to help Mary Ann find the spot where she left Charlie Stanton and make sure the railroad doesn’t run through it.

E. Cliffhanger:

News arrives via the new telegraph that the Civil War ended in April, and a week later, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated.

Season 5: “Echoes of Endurance”

A. High Concept or major hook of the season:

As James Reed gathers his family to level with them about the real reason they came West and took the Hastings Cutoff, a professor of history comes calling, saying that he’s talking to Donner Party survivors with the aim of writing an authoritative history of their epic disaster.

B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey:

Several of the Donner Party survivors, including several of the Reeds (not Virginia) and Donners and Breens, recount their stories to the author, Professor McGlashan, while others, like Keseberg, threaten them not to.

C. Main Conflict:

McGlashsan finds that many of the stories don’t jibe with each other, particularly around the subject of cannibalism, but Mary Ann Graves and Ed Breen give honest answers that anger some.

D. Main Mystery/Layers:

For the first time, Mary Ann tells of what exactly happened to the Forlorn Hope group that was instrumental in the rescue of the Donner Party—that the five survivors made it because they ate the others one by one as they died, including her own father. Also that the two Native Americans were hunted down and killed before they died.

E. Cliffhanger:

We end where we began, with Virginia Reed’s sister Patty standing with two of the Donner girls, now old ladies, while Virginia watches nondescriptly in the crowd, as a new monument to the Donner Party is erected in 1931 at the sight of the Murphy cabin.

ChatGPT

5 SEASON SUMMARY

Season 1: “Pioneers and Pariahs”

Survivors of the ill-fated Donner Party strive to build new lives in pre-Gold Rush California. James Reed faces community scrutiny, Leanna battles hatred, Mary Ann seeks her husband’s murderer, and Keseberg embarks on a quest for companionship. Gold’s discovery sets the stage for an uncertain future.

Cliffhanger: Gold is discovered at Sutter’s Mill, sparking a rush to wealth.

Season 2: “Golden Ambitions”

The California Gold Rush transforms the survivors’ lives, igniting economic challenges and bitter rivalries. Virginia Reed’s elopement sparks family tensions, Leanna fights off squatters on her gold-rich land, and James Reed’s past threatens his newfound prosperity. Rumors about Reed’s history spread, casting shadows on his success.

Cliffhanger: James Reed faces damaging rumors that could shatter his newfound reputation.

Season 3: “Statehood Shadows”

As California attains statehood, the Donner survivors confront a new threat—Lansford Hastings’ ambition to make California a slave state. Reed and allies clash with former rescuer John Sutter, risking reputations and revealing ties to Abraham Lincoln. Ed Breen’s quest for his mother’s treasure intertwines with political intrigue and Lincoln’s rising influence.

Cliffhanger: James Reed meets with Levi Strauss, hinting at a pivotal collaboration.

Season 4: “Foundations of Fortune”

Amidst the Civil War’s outbreak, the survivors ensure Hastings and his Southern sympathizers leave Northern California. Facing floods, railroad challenges, and personal struggles, the Donner survivors grapple with their pasts. Rumors haunt James Reed, Leanna battles nature’s fury, and Mary Ann and Ed play crucial roles in the evolving landscape.

Cliffhanger: News of Lincoln’s assassination reaches the survivors via the telegraph.

Season 5: “Echoes of Endurance”

James Reed reveals the truth behind their journey to his family as a historian interviews survivors for an authoritative history of the Donner Party. Conflicting stories, the revelation of cannibalism, and threats from Keseberg unfold. The season culminates in a poignant moment as a monument to the Donner Party is erected in 1931.

Cliffhanger: A monument is erected, and the legacy of the Donner Party echoes through time.

[Lee Tidball]

What I learned during this assignment is how much AI can help me with things like these. I’ve always struggled with summarizing longer docs or outlines into short synopses or pitches, and an AI prompt sure did a marvelous job with my Framework’s Character Profiles. I edited the results, but they still need work. Glad their just rough drafts… Also, some of these may not be “main” characters as I continue to go along, or be replaced by others.

JAMES REED (46): The charismatic leader of the Donner Party, James Reed conceals a world of ambition and financial scandal beneath his confident exterior. His impulsive decisions and competitive nature, driven by a desire for success and admiration, recklessly lead the group down a dangerous, unknown road. Reed’s internal conflict arises from his need to maintain an image of leadership while grappling with guilt for making such a disastrous decision. As he juggles hidden agendas for the future and past conspiracies in his mind, Reed’s vulnerability lies in his fear of failure, the weight of his family’s very survival, and the knowledge that at some point, he’ll have to admit to someone that he was wrong.

VIRGINIA REED (13): Virginia, the spirited daughter of James Reed, is more than just a young girl on a treacherous journey. Despite her young age, she challenges the norms of her time, grappling with a desire to break free from childhood constraints. An exceptional horse rider and intelligent thinker, Virginia hides a secret fascination with Catholicism, a rebellion against her father’s staunch beliefs. Beneath her composed exterior lies a yearning for independence, a hidden crush on Charlie Stanton, and the silent struggle against her father’s decisions, including releasing her beloved horse, an infuriating loss. Virginia’s journey transcends time, echoing the universal theme of adolescence: discover who you are, in spite of your parents.

CHARLIE STANTON (30): Charlie Stanton, the selfless hero and friend of the Reed family, conceals a shattered past. A failed store owner, he seeks redemption on the treacherous journey, driven by a yearning for love. Despite physical limitations, Stanton’s relentless quest for self-acceptance unfolds as a riveting tale of self-sacrifice, emotional resilience, and an unbridled love of life through service to others.

LEWIS KESEBERG (40s): An antagonist with a turbulent past, Keseberg’s obnoxious behavior conceals layers of insecurity and resentment. Driven by a secret plan to abandon his family and pursue wealth once in California, Keseberg’s actions stem from a deep-seated desire for control and recognition. His history of childhood bullying fuels his present-day bullying tendencies, creating a character both pitiable and detestable. Keseberg’s unpredictability and universally reviled behavior make him the Donner Party’s proverbial “pain in the ass.”

LANSFORD HASTINGS (27): The embodiment of treachery in this story, Hastings is a master manipulator whose persuasive charm masks a complete disregard for the well-being of others. Driven by grandiose visions, Hastings epitomizes the “love-to-hate” villain, disappearing when the consequences of his actions unfold. His moral boundaries are non-existent, making him a captivating yet despicable force that propels the group into the heart of disaster, leaving us with a perhaps guilty but also eager anticipation of what he’ll do next and his ultimate fate.

[Lee Tidball]

What I learned doing this lesson is the importance of using the concept model to make sure that we know why the hero goes on the journey, as well what the journey is.

CONCEPT

In 1846 when successful businessman James Reed suddenly faces bankruptcy, he and friend George Donner and their families leave Springfield, Illinois and travel by covered wagon west seeking a new life in California. They are, however, duped by an unscrupulous adventurer into following a new route, a “short cut” that turns their epic journey into an epic nightmare. Based on the book “All We Left Behind: Virginia Reed and the Donner Party” by Nancy Herman, an Independent Press Awards Winner.

THE WORLD OF THIS SHOW – The wagon train journey of emigrants bound for Oregon and California in the 1840s.

• Unique Sub-World: The Hastings Cut-off (short cut)
• Previously unexplored: The hardships of blazing a trail that didn’t exist before.
• The unknown: What the country is like ahead—and how long it will take to cross it.
• The unseen: Natives who love to harass emigrants, emotions and conflicts that come with prolonged stress.
• Unheard of dangers: Crossing deserts of salt, being trapped by unimaginable amounts of snow in the mountains.
• Reason to explore it: Reed is desperate to get to California before others to ensure his family’s prosperity and also enhance his prestige and chances of becoming a leader there.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by  Lee Tidball. Reason: To add the source book that I've optioned and its distinction to increase credibility of the concept

[Lee Tidball]

What I learned from this assignment was how important it is to have exciting, dynamic, compelling lead characters in my TV show. That’s what draws me (and everyone else) to the show and hooks them to it. Even the most dynamic stories are not worth watching for the audience if the characters aren’t fascinating. I also appreciated my AI assistant in this–who introduced both new ideas about how to fictionalize the historical characters in my story, but also introduced possible fictional characters to use as well.

LESSON 3 – ASSIGNMENT 1

Engaging Profile for Wednesday in the show “Wednesday”

• A. Role in the show: The lead character, and mid-term transfer to Nevermore Academy.
• B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Wednesday has psychic flashes triggered by certain key items, people, or information that predict the future.
• C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? – Almost no one knows that in virtually everything she does, she’s assisted by “Thing”, an animated detached hand with whom she can communicate.
• D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? – Wednesday is bluntly honest, which wreaks havoc on the emotions of others and gets both her and them into lots of trouble.
• E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? – Wednesday is exceedingly impulsive and audacious, making it almost impossible to predict what she’ll do in many situations.
• F. Empathetic: Why do we care? – Right from the first episode, we can see that Wednesday’s brashness, cruel honesty, and outrageous statements are really just her cover for not being able to allow herself to experience any sort of positive emotion and a deep fear of being her true self with anyone.

DONNER STORY MAIN CHARACTERS (based on a book I’ve optioned)

JOURNEY OF THE SHOW

James Reed and his family, along with Reed’s friend George Donner and his family, travel west to California in 1846, hoping for a new life and prosperity. After Reed’s ambition and arrogance lead them to choose a “shorter” route to California promoted by so-called trail blazer Lansford Hastings, they suffer misfortune upon misfortune that end with Reed being banished from the group, which ends up trapped in Sierra snows and starving to death. Reed, remorseful and desperate to save his family and comrades, organizes relief expeditions, one of which he leads himself, and successfully retrieves both his family and other survivors, preventing an even worse disaster.

MAIN CHARACTERS THAT SELL THE SHOW

• Virginia Reed (13-14) – Daughter of James Reed, the person who we see much of the story through.
• Leanna Donner (13-14) – Virginia’s best friend.
• James Reed (46) – De facto leader of the Donner Party, and happy to be so.
• Margret Reed (32) – James Reed’s wife and frustrated adviser.
• Lansford Hastings (26) – Ambitious adventurer, chief antagonist.

ENGAGING PROFILES

VIRGINIA REED

• A. Role in the show: Daughter of James Reed, through whom we see lots of the story through
• B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Virginia is coming of age. She challenges her parents about lots of things. She’s also an excellent horse rider and very intelligent, though can’t spell at all.
• C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? Virginia wants to break out of her traditional role and become known as “a woman,” not a child.
• D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Virginia fascinated with the Catholic faith, something that, if she follows, her father says he’ll disown her. Disobedience to parents is morally intolerable at such a young age.
• E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Virginia is very calm and obedient on the outside, but her impetus nature can surface at just about any time.
• F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Virginia loves her horse and the family’s dogs, she feels held back and wants to be free and grow as she wants, like so many other girls, whether in 1846, or 2026.

LEANNA DONNER

• A. Role in the show: Virginia Reed’s best friend and instigator of a lot of Virginia’s rebelliousness
• B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Leanna is well-schooled and worldly because her mother is a teacher who encourages her to think for herself and and not give in to societal norms.
• C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? Leanna is already husband-hunting, or at least finding a boyfriend that will suit her more liberal ideas. However, she’s also very naive about most things.
• D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Leanna sees obeying parents as not always an obligation, and feels that she’s already a woman who’s ready to act like an adult—at least when it comes to men.
• E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Leanna’s mother Tamsen encourages independence, but fears that someday Leanna will get herself into trouble that she can’t get out of, or have lasting consequences.
• F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Leanna genuinely likes Virginia and feels she’s giving her proper guidance, even when encouraging her to explore and rebel. She also cares much for her stepfather, who is almost grandfather age to her.

JAMES REED

• A. Role in the show: The captain of the Donner Party, even though George Donner was the one elected.
• B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: James is a born leader: decisive in his decisions, charismatic, and inspirational.
• C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? James has big ideas that he inspires others to come along with and achieve, but too often, this covers for his enormous ambition and need to be the best, have the best, etc.
• D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? James’s ambition can often drive him into risky endeavors, and at times, the others who follow him are the ones to pay for it.
• E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? If challenged, James can be impulsive agree to things that a more rational person would have discovered are not good ideas.
• F. Empathetic: Why do we care? James is supremely committed to his family as well as to those he leads and the commitments that he makes to them. At his core, he’s very good-hearted.

MARGRET REED

• A. Role in the show: James’s wife and Virginia’s mother
• B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Margret is very resourceful and intelligent and can function just fine with or without her husband.
• C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? Margret detests her husband’s ambitious nature and feels that she could do a lot better at making decisions for the family sometimes.
• D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? At times, Margret toys with the idea of refusing to go along with her husband’s decisions and just leaving him, despite his goodness.
• E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? There is an emotional fire in Margret that can leap out either in fury or defense of those she loves.
• F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Margret struggles with being in “a woman’s place” and cringes and not being able to be more of a partner in the family.

LANSFORD HASTINGS

• A. Role in the show: The main “bad guy”
• B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Hastings is an extraordinary salesman and can be very persuasive and inspiring.
• C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? Hastings has visions of grandeur that are almost ludicrous, yet he acts on them, regardless of the harm they bring to others.
• D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? Hastings almost always puts himself and his desires above all others, even if it means the demise of others.
• E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Hastings can sound like your most loyal friend in one moment, and in the next disappear and never return, leaving you to deal with whatever predicament he got you into.
• F. Empathetic: Why do we care? In some ways, Hastings is working for others to have a better life, and perhaps also had an upbringing where he was always put down and told he’d never amount to anything.

PROMPT: For each of the [main characters] for this [genre] about this [concept], and knowing what you do about the Donner Party traveling to California in 1846, please brainstorm the [Character Basics] of that character that fits this TV series well.

Character Basics =

A. Role in the show:

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?

Genre = Western adventure/drama

Concept = In 1846, James Reed and his family, along with George Donner and his, travel by wagon from Springfield, Illinois west to California, duped by Lansford Hastings, an unscrupulous adventurer, into following a “short-cut” that turns their trip into a nightmare.

Main characters =

• Virginia Reed (13-14) – Daughter of James Reed, the person who we see much of the story through.
• Leanna Donner (13-14) – Virginia’s best friend.
• James Reed (46) – De facto leader of the Donner Party, and happy to be so.
• Margret Reed (32) – James Reed’s wife and frustrated adviser.
• Lansford Hastings (26) – Ambitious adventurer, chief antagonist.

1 / 1

A. Role in the show:

• Virginia Reed (13-14):

• A. Protagonist and Narrator: Virginia serves as the primary point of view, allowing the audience to experience the journey through her eyes.
• B. Survivalist Knowledge: Virginia, having grown up on the frontier, possesses essential survival skills crucial for the party’s survival.
• C. Hidden Trauma: Virginia carries a secret related to a past tragedy that adds a layer of complexity to her character.
• D. Ethical Dilemma: Virginia faces the moral dilemma of revealing the shortcut’s dangers or keeping quiet to avoid conflict within the group.
• E. Decisiveness: Virginia’s choices are unpredictable; she oscillates between moments of bravery and vulnerability.
• F. Relatable Struggle: Virginia’s internal conflict and determination make her a character the audience empathizes with.

[Lee Tidball]

What I learned from this lesson was how to organize a basic list of characters for my show idea and begin the actual process of fleshing them out.

I think I did okay, but I really benefited, I think from brainstorming with AI. I got so many cool suggestions, far more than dumb ones, and I really got some great Connected Characters when I asked it for 5 more. It seemed to think a bit harder :). I can see many possibilities for building layers, open loops, and intrigue in this process.

Also, in reference to my Example Show (Wednesday), I’m pretty sure that for a drama like this I’ll need to move the age of the kids up to jr. high/high school age. It’s not an age group that I’m most familiar with, but I think the expense and practicality of using so many under-age actors could very likely make the show impossible logistically. Moving the age up would give more time each day to film because the actors are older, and probably create more creative opportunities as well. Also, it would enable “adult” actors who can “age down” to be cast. I guess at some point, creativity must bow to practicality or the show will never get made.

ASSIGNMENT 1 – Character Circles for “Wednesday.”

Main Characters – Wednesday Addams, Enid, her roommate, Breem – the principal (antagonist in this case), Tyler – a “normie” whose dad is the sheriff of Jericho who befriends her.

Connected Characters –

Bianca – student leader,

Xavier, an artist who has a thing for Wednesday,

Dr. Kinbott, Wednesday’s counselor,

Thing – Wednesday’s appendage family member who’s helping her,

Rowan, who hates Wednesday and tries to kill her, but is killed instead by a monster,

Morticia, Wednesday’s mother,

Gomez, Wednesday’s father,

Ms. Thornhill, a teacher and Wednesday’s dorm mom, a “normie,”

Sheriff Galpin, the sheriff of Jericho,

Ajax, Enid’s crush.

Environment Circle – Wednesday’s dorm-mates, students of other “dorms”, other teachers, people of Jericho, bullies of Pilgrim Town, a historical town attraction, Tyler’s boss at the coffee shop that he works at, etc.

ASSIGNMENT 2 – Character Circles for MY show.

My list of Character Circles

Main Characters

– Zexa, an alien girl sent to Earth to retrieve a powerful weapon that’s hidden in the town’s graveyard (which is right behind its school). She disguises herself as an exchange student. <div><div>

– Mr. G (Mr. Gibson) – Zexa’s teacher, the teacher of the school’s special class for academically gifted and exceptionally talented students.

– Leanna – Becomes Zexa’s best friend

– Ms. Braxton – the new principal of the school, who wants to shut down Mr. G’s class.

Connected Character Circle

– Mayra – the oldest kid in the class, who acts like a Mom to the younger ones, especially the girls. </div><div>

– Miss Ross – a teacher who despises the idea of the special class and helps Ms. Braxton in efforts to shut it down.

– Isabelle Gomez – the school district coordinator for the class, who originated it.

– Mr. James – the school’s PE teacher, who actually is an alien himself, one of the hunters looking to keep track of Zexa and find out what she’s up to.

– Jamie – a girl Zexa’s age who’s shy, etc., but is really a spy for Mr. James, and…

– Gonzo – a class clown type, who has serious supernatural gifts that make him very lethal.

– Darrell – an older student and gifted athlete who’s the leader of the guys in the class.

Environmental Circle

Custodians </div><div>

Lunch people

Parents of other kids

PTA president

Other teachers

Bus drivers

From Chat GPT Prompt, here’s AI’s Character Circles…

A. Main Characters:

Elara

– Unique Role: The alien girl posing as an exchange student.

– Secret or Intrigue: She’s from the planet Zephyria and is telepathic, but her powers are suppressed in Earth’s atmosphere. Only a special gem can help her communicate telepathically, and it’s among the lost technology.

Jake

– Unique Role: A 12-year-old tech prodigy in the multi-age class who becomes suspicious of Elara but ultimately her closest ally.

– Secret or Intrigue: He’s been working on a device, unaware it’s built from a piece of the lost alien technology.

Ms. Clara

– <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Unique Role: The teacher of the multi-age class, who takes a special interest in Elara.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>- Secret or Intrigue: She’s a retired space explorer and had once visited Zephyria, leading to a complex past with Elara’s family.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Zan and Lu

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Unique Role: Two other “students” who secretly aid Elara.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Secret or Intrigue: They’re actually sophisticated androids sent by Elara’s parents to assist and protect her.

B. Connected Characters:

Principal Goodman

He’s always keen on keeping the school’s reputation and is wary of the new “exchange student.”

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Lyra

Jake’s younger sister, a musical prodigy in the same class, who becomes friends with Elara and suspects the two android “students.”

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Commander Voss

The lead intergalactic hunter who poses as a new gym teacher to keep an eye on Elara and the lost technology.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Kara

Jake’s rival in the class, a science genius who becomes suspicious of Elara and attempts to uncover her secret for her own gain.

C. Environment Characters:

Janitor

Lunch Lady

School Librarian

Bus Driver

School Counselor

Parents and Guardians during PTA meetings

Can you give me five more Connected Characters?

ChatGPT

1 / 1

Of course!

B. Connected Characters (Continued):

Mr. Thompson

The school’s IT head and robotics club mentor. He starts to notice unusual electrical disturbances around the school, which are caused by the alien technology.

Nina

A talented artist in the multi-age class. She draws sketches of her dreams, which, unknown to her, are visions of Zephyria. Elara takes an interest in her sketches, believing they hold clues.

Officer Daniels

The town’s friendly neighborhood police officer. He occasionally gives talks about safety in the school and becomes unwittingly involved when he investigates mysterious sightings (related to the intergalactic hunters).

Aiden

A quiet and introspective boy in the class. He has a unique sensitivity to Elara’s presence due to a dormant alien gene in his DNA, a result of ancient human-alien interactions.

Ms. Reynolds

The school’s history teacher who is passionate about ancient civilizations. Her lessons unknowingly reference the lore of Zephyria, leading Elara to believe that there might be more lost technology or remnants from her planet on Earth.

</div></div>

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Tidball – Lesson 1 – BW with AI Class Mod 1

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS LESSON is how effectively a well-written and acted pilot can suck a person into HAVING to watch the whole series using the various techniques that are a part of the 5-STAR MODEL that we’re learning about.

My Example Show – WEDNESDAY – Basic Beats

Wednesday Addams (14), of the “creepy and kooky” Addams Family (60s horror sitcom), stubborn, audacious, arrogant, obstinate, self-centered and vengeful, nearly kills bullies from her high school’s water polo team by releasing bags of pirañas into the pool where they practice, nearly killing the team captain. Needless to say, she’s expelled (again). <div>

<div>

She’s sent to her parents’ alma mater, Nevermore Academy, a school for “outcast” kids, which in this case means vampires, werewolves, and various other monstrous sorts. She hates the idea and thinks they’re trying to make her into their own image.
Wednesday meets the school principal, a giant woman, who seems both firm and caring. She’s aware of Wednesday’s family “history” at the school, which sounds suspicious to Wednesday.
Wednesday meets her roommate, Enid, her total opposite. Enid is full of fun and joy and loves color and light. Wednesday dresses in black and white, prefers the dark, and despises happy colors and light. It doesn’t seem like they’ll get along, but Enid’s non-hostile approach to Wednesday both gives them hope but also catches Wednesday by surprise. Why doesn’t Enid freak out and get mad at her like she’s “supposed to?”

Wednesday is desperate to escape from Nevermore. She plots with a “normal” guy in Jericho, the town nearby, Tyler, whose dad happens to be the town sheriff. He discovers that Wednesday’s father may have been expelled years ago because he was charged with murder.

Wednesday has freaky visions that haunt her, and they happen at random times. Just as she’s about to take off with the Tyler, she has one of a boy being killed by something or someone in a forest. He’s a total nerd at Nevermore, an outcast at a school for outcasts.
Wednesday takes off after him to the surrounding haunted forest where the boy tries to kill her because of a prophetic picture that he says shows that Wednesday will be the end of Nevermore, but he’s attacked and killed just like in Wednesday’s vision by a giant werewolf-type creature, who leaves Wednesday alone.

This disturbs Wednesday, but she’s pleasantly taken aback by how Tyler treats her nicely and especially Enid, who she ditched in the town, who wasn’t pissed off, but helps her to be able to live with her within her boundaries.
At the end, with all the various questions in Wednesday’s mind that seem scandalous and dangerous, she’s decided that she just might like Nevermore after all.

FIVE STAR ELEMENTS IN “WEDNESDAY”

BIG HOOK – This show compels you to want to watch it in two ways. One, it’s a take-off on a classic TV sitcom that spoofs everything that’s classic horror. This intrigues older audiences in particular, many of whom grew up watching it. The other way that compels younger audiences and really hooks the older audience is the way the character of Wednesday is written, typical 14 year-old genius type bratty behavior taken to outrageous extremes in nearly every scene, and yet vulnerabilities are exposed as well. Jenna Ortega’s portrayal of Wednesday also is so perfect that it’s impossible to stop watching her. The supporting characters also seem to be interesting, with hints of layers to be explored as the episodes move on. </div>

AMAZING AND INTRIGUING CHARACTERS – Aside from the aforementioned Wednesday, there’s other very intriguing characters at Nevermore. These include the principal, who seems to know more than she lets on, Wednesday’s classmates, Brittany, as arrogant as Wednesday, who bests Wednesday in a fencing match and is one of the school leaders, Tyler and Enid, as mentioned, who look to have at least several layers to be peeled back, and the monstrous werewolf in the forest.

EMPATHY/DISTRESS – the writers create empathy for Wednesday in several ways. She asks pointed questions that many students might want to ask about school: why are things done as they are, why do I have to know this?, why do bullies seem to rule the school until someone stands up to them, and then that person is the one that gets expelled, resentment about parents who try to choose a future for their child, etc. Wednesday’s behavior is outrageous in every way that many kids would love to be if they weren’t too afraid of the consequences. We also feel empathy when there are consequences for Wednesday for her misbehavior, and some of them come from the kids she’s close to, who let her know in not-so-subtle ways that they’re not going to take her shit anymore. And we feel distress when, just about the time Wednesday is starting to make efforts to fit in, she’s nearly killed.

LAYERS/OPEN LOOPS – There’s seemingly infinite questions after the pilot that keep a viewer coming back for more. Will Wednesday continue to try to escape, or stay to figure out what her parents were like at Nevermore? We wonder what happened with them—why does Tyler’s dad, the sheriff, hate Wednesday’s dad Gomez so much. What’s in his crime file that Tyler steals for Wednesday? Will Enid and Wednesday be able to get along. What kind of outrageous things will Wednesday do next? Will she ever become sincere and empathetic to anyone around her? How are the principal and Wednesday’s counselor mixed up in all this—are they really as “goody two shoes” as they seem? Is Wednesday going to be the downfall of Nevermore? And on and on. Who’s the beast in the woods? Etc…

INVITING OBSESSION – The writers here cleverly use several layers of open loops and curiosity to invite obsession. There’s a basic layer of questions that will be ongoing—Will Wednesday and Enid learn to get along? Will Wednesday make any other new friends? What outrageous things will she do next, and how will they affect the overall story? After that, there’s broader questions, like who’s Tyler, why does he really help Wednesday and steal files from his own father’s records to help her? Will Enid find a way to “faze” into being a werewolf, or be alone forever? Will Wednesday and Brittany ever become friends? And finally, there’s overarching, serious questions that will affect both Wednesday as well as perhaps others, like the whole thing about Gomez, her father, and what crimes he may have committed while at Nevermore that has townspeople upset, etc.? How will the principal and Wednesday’s counselor end up being involved in those things, if at all, and why? And what (or who) is the big monster that’s in the woods killing people, and will Wednesday actually be the downfall of Nevermore?

</div>

[Lee Tidball]

My name is Lee Tidball.

I’ve written probably around a dozen scripts (and endless rewrite versions of most). Two have been optioned before, 3 have had shopping agreements signed for them. I’m working on my 3rd book adaptation. Several scripts/novels that I’ve written have been write-for-hire projects.

In this class, I hope to learn how to us AI to enhance and speed up the process of devising a marketable TV series concept, writing amazing marketing materials, and a killer pilot script. Besides this all-new project, I hope this class will help me do a better job of my current book adaptation also, which will be written as a limited TV series.

I’ve started and successfully run two non-profit organizations for elementary-junior high age kids, one a track and field team that I coached for over 20 seasons, and another, a children’s community theater company, where I was the director for 4 musicals that we put on for the public for 4 years in the summer.

I was in ProSeries 15 way back in 2006 or 8 or something, I was in the 2nd Master of Screenwriting Certificate class in 2014-15 (now replaced by Writing Incredible Movies), and I took the 2nd Binge Worthy TV class.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Tidball

I agree to the terms of this release form.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by  Lee Tidball. Reason: Apparently when I hit "reply" there was no text about the actual release form. I don't know what I did wrong, but I have read the release and agree to it in its entirety

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Tidball

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

0

[Lee Tidball]

Hi everyone. I’m Lee Tidball. I’ve written somewhere between 12 and 20 scripts, most of which I’ve marketed at various times, and five that I currently market.

What I hope to get out of this is a really good template for writing pure action films. These kinds of movies are very marketable, play well internationally, and don’t have to cost arms and legs to be produced. Thus, much more opportunities to eventually sell a great action script. Besides, I love to watch action films, so I think that might give me a leg up writing one.

Besides screenplays, I’ve written published novels and both optioned and adapted and been hired by others the adapt novels into screenplays. Nice to be able to make some money and provide a service to an author. I’ve also adapted one of my own novels, and written a novel based on one of my scripts.

Looking forward to learning lots here. I’m busy, so I don’t always get lessons posted on time, but I’ll be doing the best I can. Hope to read some of y’all’s work too.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Tidball

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Lee Tidball]

Hello All!

My name is Lee Tidball, and I’ve been writing for a long time and written about a dozen scripts (or more), had several options and shopping agreements, etc.

I hope I can learn this skill so that eventually I’ll be able to use the lessons to write my own contained story. I’ll probably have a lot more success in actually getting a script optioned, sold, and made than I’m having now with bigger budget stuff that lots of Hollywood people really love, but..too expensive.

I’m working as we speak on my 4th book adaptation, this one is a paid assignment from an author who wants his book turned into a screenplay. Thus I won’t be in these forums much for this class, but will find the info invaluable when the time comes.

Very much looking forward to it.

[Lee Tidball]

Hi! My name’s Lee Tidball, and I’ve written a lot of scripts. One of them won the Best Feature in the new monthly Wiki Screenplay Contest back in November.

I’m working on a paid writing assignment now–a book adaptation–which just happens to be a Thriller, so that’s why I took this course. I may not be able to post lessons very often, but I’ll sure be using the info and checking it with my script, which is in the end of the outline stage now.

I’ve already learned a lot just in the first lesson. Looking forward to lots more.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Tidball

I agree to the terms of this release form

[Lee Tidball]

Hi all!

My name is Lee Tidball. I’ve written many scripts over the past 20 years, some of which have been optioned and many of which have amassed considerable contest and coverage accolades.

I hope to find out what I find so many times with SU, a high-quality method to accomplish a systematic rewrite of early drafts of my work that I can use over and over again as needed.

Something unique I guess is that I’m currently working on a paid writing assignment (a book adaptation), and that’s understandably sucking up my writing time these days and will continue to do so for a while. Thus I’ll not be posting much here I’m afraid…

I hope I’ll be able to get the emailed lessons so that I can use them at a time when I’ll need them to improve my work

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Tidball

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Projects and Insights

a. The idea I’ll be working with is a sci-fi/horror concept, a sequel to one of my published novels that I developed in Hal’s Horror class. It’s about a family trying to survive a night of attacks by super-sized, cannibalistic cavemen who’ve come into this world through a portal to a prehistoric parallel universe. $5-$20 MM depending on size of cast, sfx, etc.

b. My highest-budget finished script (probably $30-50 MM or more) is an original family sci-fi action/adventure about a retired ex-superhero (who’s actually a princess who’s father lives on another planet) in her 40s who must re-kindle her super-abilities to stop an old alien nemesis from taking over the world–and wreaking revenge and she and her family.

c. I thought the idea of “auditioning” for a writing assignment was interesting and a good analogy. I especially felt that the part about discovering the producer’s vision for the project before beginning was key, also doing frequent check-ins with the producer to make sure everything’s on the right track.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

I. Lee Tidball

2. I agree to the terms of this release form.

3. GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Hi All,

My name’s Lee Tidball, from Modesto, in the Central Valley of CA.

To quote my fellow MSC 2 alumnus Dan Gordon, “A lot.” As in I’ve written a lot of scripts, a TV pilot, 3 book adaptations (one was a write-for-hire), 4 published novels, etc. etc.

I hope to re-learn the ropes of getting PWAs, in all their various forms, so I can do a better job of competing in that realm.

I was just finishing up the 30-Day Screenplay Writing class last month when I got an offer to do another book adaptation–and take this class. How coincidental :).

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Solved Character Problems

What I learned doing this assignment is…is that I’ve got a good handle on what problems my characters might have even just sitting here writing about them without actually going through the script. This will be a good guide as I make the next draft.

Character Problems

A. Weak protagonist or antagonist – I think Milly is an interesting and fun protagonist. She is supposed to be withdrawn and timid at first—it’s where her journey starts to being assertive and making full use of her unique gifts and talents.

The ANTAGONIST needs to be more fleshed out. Right now, he’s just bad, but we don’t know why. I think, in his mind, the aliens that he’s had to work with for years at Area 51 are a danger to the world. If they ever got “out of control,” they would certainly try to take it over. So rather than observe them and study them as is done now, he just wants to get rid of them all. He also has no time for magical people for the same reason. He uses sorcerer Marcus’s unique ability to make things small, then turn them back to full size, to smuggle a nuclear device into Area 51, and thus he’ll destroy all aliens for good.

B. Protagonist too good or Antagonist too bad. – I think Milly could have perhaps something that she does that’s annoying, or something that makes her seem a bit more human than she is now. I think maybe I’ll have her get mad or be more impatient than she is now.

As noted above, I’ll try to articulate the Antagonist’s reasons for what he does a bit more, so that he seems more human and perhaps more “sympathetic”, at least to a certain type.

C. Weak character intros – I think I’ve done a pretty good job of making all of these dynamic (at least after writing my PLACEHOLDER scenes), but I’ll check as I go through the first part of the script.

D. Characters not in action – Right now, there’s so much action in this that it probably needs to be toned down a bit to make it more budget-friendly.

E. Protagonist Journey not strong – I think Milly’s journey is very strong, but I also think she needs more obstacles, perhaps more harassment from Janus, less help from Granny Sue and/or Justin, etc. I just feel like maybe she’s not being challenged quite enough in the first half of the script.

F. All the characters seem the same – I need to check on this, especially in dialogue, but I think each is pretty unique compared to each other.

G. Lead characters not present – This is definitely not a problem at this time—Milly, Justin, Janus, Marcus, and Granny Sue are in virtually every scene either together or individually. I think we need to see more of Janus though. I’ve put in some PLACEHOLDER scenes for him.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Solved Structure Problems

What I learned doing this assignment is…that there were definitely some holes in the structure that needed fixing. I did this both with notes in Lesson 5 and by putting placeholders and even re-doing some scenes in the script.

STRUCTURE QUESTIONS

Act 1

OPENING/OLD WAYS – An opening prologue engagingly shows how Milly and Marcus loose Milly’s mom Lana to an evil general who captures her after the crash of a flying craft of some kind.

Ten years later, Milly and Marcus both show hints of the New Ways, but live their daily lives firmly planted in the old. Both at dinner and breakfast, Milly and Marcus use old ways (non-magical, non-superhuman) to do everything. Marcus goes to his secret lab, Milly to school with friend Justin. They’re both considered nerds and deal with bullying, etc.

INCITING INCIDENT – Marcus doesn’t come home. This is highly unusual. Milly is helpless, distraught, and doesn’t know what to do. Justin and her skip school and investigate, come up empty until they find a mysterious paper with instructions on it. Milly thinks they’re all dumb.

TURNING POINT – An attack on them in Milly’s home by unknown forces, and a rescue by the mysterious (and hilarious) Granny Sue, and the subsequent destruction of Milly’s home forces her to trust Granny Sue and do as she says.

Act 2

NEW PLAN – Milly and Justin read through instructions given them by Granny Sue. In spite of Milly not knowing what it’s about, and Justin’s skepticism, she says they must do the plan—go to a specific GPS coordinate that is far away near Area 51.

PLAN OF ACTION – Yes, Milly and Justin do go to where the coordinates are, despite interference from the Antagonist and Justin’s skepticism.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT – The two get to the coordinates late, where they find Granny Sue. She’s angry because their tardiness could have endangered their mission. She reveals that Milly’s father is hidden in a secret bunker nearby, he’s being used in a plot by evil General Janus, and they’re the only ones who can spring him. because they’re the only ones with enough magic and strength to rescue him.

Act 3

REACT/RETHINK – It is revealed to Milly and Justin that Milly is an alien human (her mother’s side), and that her father is a wizard (her human magical side).

NEW PLAN (that incorporates New Ways) – Granny Sue explains her plan for rescuing Marcus from Janus’s hidden bunker underneath the Lava Craters National Park. It requires Milly to use her new physical and magical powers

TURNING POINT – The plan fails because Janus has been expecting it and entraps Milly, Justin, and Granny Sue. They become prisoners, and still have no idea where Marcus is or what to do to free him.

Act 4

DILEMMA – Milly must choose whether to stay with her family and protect them as they escape Janus’s compound, or risk their death to go after Janus and eliminate him so he’ll never menace them or anyone else ever again.

CLIMAX – ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT – This “battle royale” requires Milly to use all of the innate abilities that she’s covered up for so long. Janus is a much more experienced wizard, which compensates for his lack of her super-strength and speed. In the end, his own cruelty and the innate magical ability that runs only in Milly’s family (and the reason he’d kidnapped Marcus) that brings him down.

RESOLUTION – The resolution represents the New Ways as Marcus, Lana, and Milly contemplate whether to magically reconstruct their wrecked house or not, and just how much of their power to use in everyday life.

NEW WAYS – The new ways are the united Martinez family, part alien, part magical, and all human. Especially in Milly, who embodies all three. At the end, she says how they could do a lot of good in the world with their unique abilities, and asks her friend Justin (tongue in cheek) that, if she decided to become a superhero, would he like to be her sidekick.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Filled in Missing Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…that doing this first pass through to script to find places for missing scenes, etc. is really a lot of fun. It’s cool to go through the script as a whole and see how it’s working, and put in placeholders, etc. for stuff that will make it work better.

My Procedure

– First, I just read through the entire script

– As I went, I put placeholder scenes in quite a few spots, along with a little summary of what I wanted to happen there.

– I did a lot of correcting and adding to/subtracting from a lot of current scenes. I tried not to spend too much time on these kinds of things, though.

– I actually wrote out a few missing scenes throughout the script. Most of these scenes were necessary to make the overall script flow better, and also to give other perspectives to what’s going on. I especially put in a few more Antagonist scenes, as I’d virtually ignored them during the first draft.

– But there’s a lot more to be done.

– It was nice to have TWO DAYS to do this rather than just one :)!

– I purposely didn’t put any specific scenes in this post because I didn’t want to copy the whole script in with the placeholders and all again. It didn’t seem like that was what you wanted to see this time.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee Act 4 Resolution

What I learned doing this assignment is…that this draft is really only a skeleton draft (in my case at least). Which is way better than nothing. It will be fun outlining and filling in new scenes to take this from its current 61 pages to something approaching feature length. 30 some pages to ADD material rather than cut—what a luxury!!

Resolution Outline

BEGINNING – Days after the climactic conflict, Milly, her father Marcus, and mother Lana are back going through wreckage of their flattened home.

MIDDLE – Milly wants to use magic to reconstruct the house, says that she thought they could all “be themselves” now. But her parents caution her—they certainly can with each other, but caution is in order when using magic and powers among the humans of Earth. She understands, but still feels that they should do something. They could do a lot of good in the world.

END – Justin arrives in a brand new pickup. He says that his dad (on vacation in Europe) says that he’ll need something better than the “beater” if he’s going to have guests around the house for a while. Milly and fam load up.

Milly wonders to Justin that, if she became a superhero or something, would he want to be her sidekick? He says that would be “fantasmagorical,” as we FADE OUT.

THE SCRIPT – RESOLUTION

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAYS LATER

Marcus, Lana, and Milly stand before their flattened house. It’s nothing but a pile of rubble.

MILLY

What should we do? Can we magically build it back up?

LANA

Perhaps, but wouldn’t it be risky? People in this world don’t believe in magic or aliens, do they? We’d expose ourselves for who we are, and that could be terrible, right?

He picks around through some rubble, as do Milly and Lana.

MILLY

But I thought we could be ourselves now. I think it would be cool to see it rebuild itself.

Marcus finds one of his toys in the mess, pockets it.

MARCUS

Among ourselves, yes. But your mother is right. People on this world… Just imagine what it would be like if you did magic at school.

Milly collects a few of her clothes from what was her room. Marcus does the same from his room.

MILLY

Yeah, I get it–I guess. We could do a lot of good, though. The Toymaker and his family ought to be able to help others rather than just serve some evil general.

MARCUS

An interesting idea–

LANA

And a dangerous one.

MILLY

But it would be cool!

Lana grabs a few bathroom items and tosses them into a garbage bag.

MARCUS

We need to make sure that everything’s secure at that underground compound first.

LANA

Granny Sue and me already got that covered. She’s coming by and we’re heading back there tomorrow.

A big, new extended-cab pickup truck pulls up in the driveway. Justin hops out.

JUSTIN

Hey! You guys about ready?

MILLY

What is that?! What happened to the old beater. Didn’t the wrecking truck deliver it back to your house?

JUSTIN

Oh, it’s there, but Dad said I’d need something “decent” if you guys were going to be staying around for a while. It just got delivered this morning.

Marcus and Lana throw some stuff in the back bed.

MARCUS

Nice wheels, like you say.

JUSTIN

Definitely! Hop on in.

They all do. Milly sits up front with Justin.

MILLY

Hey Justin, what if we decide to become like, superheroes or something? You wanna be my sidekick?

JUSTIN

Seriously? That would be fantasmagorical!

Milly gives him an odd look.

JUSTIN

It’s just a weird word I learned from an old geeky movie I watched about a family with a flying car.

They head down the road toward Justin’s house as we…

FADE OUT:

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 4 Climax

What I learned doing this assignment is…

Four Parts of the Climax

A. The ultimate expression of the conflict – This will be a fight to the finish primarily between Milly and Janus, but also their supporting forces.

B. The Protagonist and Antagonist come face-to-face – This action will take place within the confines of Janus’s secret underground bunker.

C. This scene tests the Protagonist to the core – Milly MUST act powerfully and decisively, and even then, this will force her to make hard choices, etc.

D. The Protagonist MUST us the New Ways to succeed – Milly’s only hope is to aggressively use both the supernatural and paranormal powers that she has to save her family, even though she barely knows how to wield them.

Outline

BEGINNING – Lana, Milly’s mother, tells her that she’s one of the few creatures on Earth that is both supernaturally gifted physically and has paranormal (magical) powers as well. And she has the same special paranormal power that her father has, to make large objects small and then restore them to their former size. She reminds Milly that she’s probably used this already when escaping her house.

MIDDLE – Milly makes herself small, goes to the human area of Janus’s cells, makes Justin small, and tells him to make his way as fast as he can to out to the battle area where the life-sized toys were defeated. She gives him a special charm that he can repeat to make the come alive but NOT become life sized.

She then goes to the area where magical people are jailed. She finds Granny Sue, uses her strength to let her out of the cell, and once out, they both are able to crush the dark magic spell that makes escape impossible for magical people. Milly makes them small again.

END – One of Janus’s guards figures out what’s going on and raises the alarm. Janus sets his guards to find the mini-people and squash them. There’s a number of near-misses. Meanwhile, Janus heads for his cage of white rats.

At the same time, Justin and his lively army make it into the compound underneath the back garage door, then Justin makes them big nice more using “the magic word” that he knows. A fierce battle begins once again between Justin’s restored army and Janus’s perimeter guards. But they’re outnumbered this time because those outside have not been re-animated.

As Marcus and Lana (who he’s freed) escape with Granny Sue, Milly battles with Janus before he can let out his rats to go after her family. It’s a real battle royale, as Janus uses both magic and human weapons to battle Milly, but she’s up to the task. But he finally gets her to the point where her only escape is to become small again. Janus thinks he’s won. He unleaded the rats to chase after her and the others…and Milly makes the rats BIG at the same time. She ducks and covers as the giant rats go after all the normal-sized people all over. Milly makes Justin little again, and they leave as the entire compound is a chaotic mess of soldiers running from giant rats.

THE SCRIPT

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – THE CELLS – MOMENTS LATER

At the end of a long, underground hallway, a large, mostly dark underground room. Individual jail cells line its walls.

Milly’s tossed into one of them by two guards. They slam its door and bind it shut with a strange-looking cable.

Milly cries out in pain, then sobs openly. Both her arm and leg show painful, if not deep, raw wounds.

Someone stirs in the cell next to Milly’s. Though Milly doesn’t know it, this is LANA, Milly’s mother.

And Lana doesn’t know that Milly’s her daughter–at least not yet.

LANA

What’s wrong, young one? Can I help at all?

MILLY

Not unless you’re Wonder Woman or a magician that can instantly heal wounds.

LANA

That’s a pretty tall order. I used to have extraordinary strength–like Wonder Woman I guess–but the General has found ways of neutralizing those like us. As to the instant healing, definitely can’t offer you any help there.

MILLY

I’m a bit like Wonder Woman myself, minus the power bands. Just found out today. Even from another world I guess.

Lana rises, walks more into the dim light of the cell room.

LANA

If you’re the General’s captive, that’s why you’re here. This area has cells specifically built to house people and other creatures that have innate supernatural strength compared to the humans who rule this planet. They call us–

MILLY

Aliens. I know. I’ve struggled with being one my whole life.

Milly turns so that she can see Lana silhouetted in the dimness, wipes away the last of her tears.

MILLY

Same with you?

Lana leans against hers and Milly’s mutual cell bars.

LANA

In a way, I guess.

MILLY

People here don’t believe in aliens. I didn’t believe in aliens. But I started doing all these superhuman things, you know. I was faster and stronger and could do goofy things like move things with my mind and stuff. But I kept it all a secret, even from my best friend Justin.

Lana listens with interest as Milly rambles on.

MILLY

I was so scared of what people would think if I really acted, you know, like myself. So I never told anyone.

LANA

Not even your parents.

MILLY

Parent, and no. My father adopted me after my mother died. It was weird with him, though. It was almost like he knew even though I never told him. He always called me “my dear little alien.” I hated it, but I think it was because I knew he was right and it scared me.

Milly once again begins to cry. Tears trickle down as she continues.

MILLY

But then a couple nights ago–I think–Dad didn’t come home. He works at a secret lab someplace, but he always comes home on the bus. But he didn’t take the bus this time, and he never came home! I didn’t know what to do, and no one would help me except my friend Justin, and we tried to figure out what to do, and then I remembered about this paper that Daddy said I should look for if he never came home, but we couldn’t find it, and then Justin found a safe and I remembered about that, and we didn’t know how to unlock it, but it did by itself, and we found the instructions and then there was this knocking on the door…

Lana crouches down in her cell, now keenly interested, as Milly talks through her sobs.

MILLY

And these guys with guns or something showed up and then Granny Sue came and we barely escaped, and today we came here to save Dad, and Granny Sue tells me I’m this super person and that without me, we can’t save him, but I don’t know how to do anything, because for my whole life I wouldn’t believe that I was who I really am, and even though I broke us in here and all, I couldn’t get to that general guy so we could make him give us Daddy back, and now who knows what will happen, and I just don’t know what to do, and–

Lana leans more into the light.

LANA

Come closer, child.

Without thinking, Milly moves over toward the bars that Lana now sits very close to. Lana reaches out her arm into Milly’s cell, puts it around Milly as Milly sits next to her.

LANA

There, there, Milly. Just be easy…

Milly sniffs some more, then suddenly pulls back, looks into Lana’s face for the first time. Lana catches her breath.

MILLY

How come you know my name?

Now Lana bursts into tears as well.

LANA

Because I’m your mother Milly. I’m your mother! I’m not dead–never was– and I’m here for you now.

The two embrace and cry some more.

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – THE CELLS – LATER

Milly and Lana ready themselves near the cell door. As Lana had predicted, Milly’s wounds are healing, and she’s now able to move and run painlessly.

LANA

Are you ready? Remember, just as we planned.

MILLY

I hope so.

LANA

No! No “hoping so.” You will do this. There is no question. You do as we planned. That is all you think.

Milly closes her eyes for a moment. A look of determination comes to her face. She opens them.

MILLY

Yes, I’m ready.

She grabs Lana’s hand.

MILLY

Be small. The magic word.

The two are instantly toy-soldier size. They easily slip through the bars of the cell, past the guards, squeeze under the door, and leave.

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – CELL HALLWAY

Tiny Milly and Lana skitter along in shadows and out of light as much as possible.

They come to a door. Lana nods to Milly. She goes under the door. She sneaks under the door into…

HUMAN CELL ROOM…

Carefully, she slithers around until she finds who she’s looking for: Justin. He sits glum in his cell.

Milly goes in, stands beside his chair.

MILLY

(telepathically)

Justin! Hey, Justin!

Justin’s startled, looks around.

JUSTIN

What? Who the hell? Granny Sue, is that you? If it is, you sure sound a lot like Milly.

MILLY

It is Milly! I’m right here, beside your chair.

Justin looks around, then sees Milly.

JUSTIN

What the hell? How’d you get there–and like that, and–

MILLY

Shhh! Quick–just act natural.

A guard strolls by with a bored look on his face. Justin smiles a goofy grin. The guard rolls his eyes, moves on.

MILLY

There’s too much to explain. Just listen to me, and don’t you dare ask me “why” about any of it! I can’t deal with your nerd-brain right now. So stand up.

JUSTIN

Why? What are we–

MILLY

No “whys!” Damnit, Justin. Just do!

JUSTIN

Okay, okay! Jeez, you don’t have to–

He’s suddenly as small as Milly.

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – CELL HALLWAY

Justin and Milly part ways, he to the Cell Hallway entrance, she to another door.

It’s guarded by two guards who sit in chairs. They have no weapons, but also wear different uniforms. Across their uniform chests: Magical Security Patrol.

Milly looks up and points to them both.

MILLY

Deep sleep. The magic word.

Both their heads flop over. Milly now restores herself to normal size, takes the key from a sleeping guard, and opens the door.

A guard inside rises. Milly knocks him out with one punch.

She finds her father’s cell. He’s in bad shape–exhausted, and probably tortured as well. Lana, still tiny, sits on his shoulder.

MARCUS

(weakly)

It’s you. She said you’d be here. Whispered it in my ear. I thought I was dreaming.

MILLY

No dreams tonight, Daddy. We’re getting out of here.

MARCUS

You know you can’t do any magic in here.

MILLY

No magic needed for this.

She grabs two vertical bars on the cell, stretches them wide apart, enough for Marcus to shinny out between.

MARCUS

You’re mother said that you finally know who you are.

MILLY

Oh yeah. Come on. Go to the doorway. I’m going to find Granny Sue.

They do as told. Milly soon finds Granny Sue, helps her escape in the same way.

GRANNY SUE

Bustin’ outta here, eh? I can hardly wait to get at that General guy.

MILLY

Same here, but you’ve got to go with Mom and Dad, make sure they stay safe. Get them out the same way we came in. You’ll find them at the door. We’ll all become small again once we’re out.

They all head out, and instantly, they’re tiny again.

LANA

How’s it going?

MILLY

So far so good. Justin’s bringing the cavalry in just in case.

LANA

Cats?

MILLY

None so far. I think it’s like you said. They hate being cooped up, so they just lay around and don’t care.

LANA

Okay, then. Let’s get–

Suddenly, the Magical Security cell door bursts open. The guard that Milly’d clocked dashes out, heads for the door.

MILLY

Spoke too soon. Time for Plan B?

LANA

I’m sure you’re greatly disappointed.

Milly gives her a snarky grin.

LANA

Be careful, dear. He’s very, very dangerous, and it shouldn’t take us long.

(to Marcus and Granny Sue)

Come on. Let’s get going.

They all head for the door and go into…

CELL HALLWAY…

And then out into…

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND

Lana, Marcus, and Granny Sue head for the front entrances. Milly watches as the whole main compound comes to life.

General Janus appears, barks orders. Some guards head for the back entrance, others toward the front. Others search the floor while Janus spies a cat. He pokes it, but it just lays there.

Milly LEAPS toward the cat, lands on the floor beside it. She BECOMES BIG just as Janus arrives.

MILLY

She looks pretty bored. Nothing to see I guess.

JANUS

Ah, the young adopted daughter of Marcus Martinez. Trying to free him, I suppose. It won’t work, you know. You may have some of your mother’s alien powers, but they’ll be no match for my magic.

He shoots bolts of electricity at her so suddenly that she’s caught off guard. She writhes and falls back.

JANUS

Oops. I guess that just slipped out. Just a sample of what I can do to you if you stick around long enough.

Meanwhile, Milly’s waved her arms over herself and silently said “the magic word.”

Janus shoots more electricity at her, but gets shocked himself. Milly’s constructed a magical shield. It redirects his bolt back on him. He FLIES across the room from its power.

Suddenly, Janus’s perimeter guards appear from the tunnel leading to the back entrance. They’re all engaged in furious combat–with Justin’s restored soldiers who came in under the garage entrance. Janus barks new orders, points…

JANUS

You men, divert from the main entrance. Help defend the back entrance. I and the rest will take care of the escapees.

Soldiers rush into the fray. Real and restored warriors of every age fiercely engage Janus’s guards.

Janus dashes for the main entrance hallway, magically slams its door just as tiny Marcus, Lana, and Granny Sue slip by it and leave. But pursuing guards crash into it.

Milly takes a flying leap, crashes into Janus and knocks him back across the room.

MILLY

Sorry. Not going anywhere.

She marches toward him as Janus releases the door. The guards pour through.

JANUS

So you’re magical also.

MILLY

Thanks to my real father Marcus Martinez.

JANUS

But obviously lacking in experience. Not even that dense alien body can stand up to what I can do.

He waves his arms and shelves, books, file cabinets, tables and chairs fly of their own accord toward Milly.

At first, she bats them away, but the come relentlessly. Milly tries to restore her shield, but Janus stops her with magic of his own.

JANUS

Sorry. That’s something experienced wizards can do like second nature. So now I can go to work on that alien body of yours, which is so susceptible to electric shock.

He shoots more electricity from his hands, but Milly dodges each. Janus magically summons a sparking, electrified prod from the wall by the Magical Security wing of the cells.

It flies to him.

JANUS

We use these to control both the aliens and the magical people we capture here, you know. They don’t seem to like electric shock so much.

He shoots more at Milly. She barely steps aside in time. The shock hits a perimeter guard instead. He’s drops, doesn’t move. His body sizzles.

Milly backs into the melee of perimeter guards and Justin’s soldiers, uses them as shields.

Janus mercilessly continues to fire electric bolts. Enlarged toys melt on the spot. But real guards plop over, sizzle.

MILLY

You’re so awful! You don’t even care about your own guards.

Janus fires more at Milly, barely misses.

JANUS

Collateral damage.

Milly reaches out. One of the electric prods flies to her hand, and she sends a blast at Janus. It’s so fast he doesn’t see it.

But the bolt bounces off his magical shield.

Janus fires electric bolts indiscriminately, in rapid succession. Milly dodges with super-speed reactions, but one bolt gets her right in the gut.

Milly gyrates, nearly falls. She fires her own bolt that intercepts Janus’s kill shot. The explosion drops several guards and “toy” fighters, blows Janus off his feet, and the prod out of Milly’s hand.

Janus is up in a second, but wavers as if drunk. He looks around through the confusion for Milly. He tries to advance, but nearly falls.

JANUS

Damn! My shield!

On the floor, Milly hides amongst the fighters, sees Janus’s weakness. Weakened herself, she still gives a mighty jump, launches herself at him.

CLUNK!

Milly falls limply to the ground at Janus’s feet.

JANUS

You forget. I’m a master wizard. And you aren’t even a good amateur.

He aims the electric prod at her, ready to finish her off.

But suddenly, she’s not there. Janus blinks in disbelief.

JANUS

That’s impossible! She can’t have mastered invisibility yet!

What he doesn’t see is that two-inch tall Milly dashes away, dodges many large feet as guards and Justin’s army continue their struggle.

Milly leaps up to Justin’s shoulder, yells into his ear.

MILLY

It’s time to get out of here, Justin.

JUSTIN

What? Who the hell?

A second later, he’s small beside Milly.

MILLY

We’re leaving, but I’ve got one more thing to do. Can you restore your soldiers–to toys, you know.

JUSTIN

I can’t do that. All I can do is make them big.

MILLY

Then this will take a bit more time. Run for that main door on the other side. Watch out for cats–and guys with big feet.

JUSTIN

Yes sir, Ma’am!

He takes off. Milly spots some of Janus’s patrol cats back near the garage door, terrified. She makes herself normal-sized, walks back to them.

As she goes, she “restores” toy after life-sized toy to their normal size: two inches tall.

IN THE MAIN COMPOUND…

Janus sees what’s happening. His guards’ adversaries drop and become toys one after another.

JANUS

It’s her!

He dashes past what’s left of his now-confused guards into…

THE GARAGE AREA…

He sees Milly huddled with a bunch of his patrol cats. They purr around her, then seem to become more agitated.

MILLY

I’m glad you came. You’re just the one these little guys have been looking for. I just told them who keeps them locked away in this dark place all the time.

Janus chuckles, lifts his electric prod again.

JANUS

So you talk to animals as well. A lot of good that will do you now.

MILLY

Except they’re not “little guys” anymore, and you’re about to look a lot more like lunch than a giant.

The instant Janus fires another bolt at Milly, she disappears again.

And the next instant, all five cats become big, like mountain lions, then even BIGGER, like giant mountain lions, nearly ten feet tall!

MILLY

(at their feet)

And stay big!! The magic word!

She waves her hands back and forth before them.

Janus, now dwarfed by his own patrol cats, fiercely fires his electric prod. The bolt hits one on the leg–and does nothing!

It GROWLS a deep growl, now angrier than before. Janus waves his hand at them.

JANUS

Be small!

Nothing happens.

Suddenly, a voice in his ear. Milly sits on his shoulder.

MILLY

Don’t you remember? It’s only magical people in my family that can make things small. That’s why you kidnapped my real dad, remember?

Janus swats at his shoulder, but Milly’s jumped to the other side.

MILLY

I hope that cat enjoys his lunch.

She jumps down as the giant cat leaps at Janus, and another leaps at another of the perimeter guards. His weapon is as useless as Janus’s electric prod.

Other guards run for the doors, but none will open. The other cats salivate.

Milly dashes to the main entrance door, takes one look back. Janus is in a death-struggle with the giant cat.

She ducks under the door, and leaves.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 4 First Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…that it’s exciting to learn what’s really going on in the last act—the real details, not just a big, climactic showdown and then everyone goes home happy, etc.

Outlines

Key Scene 1 – Reaction to Act 3 TP

BEGINNING – Milly is taken to a special dungeon-like cell, bound by chains made with a special substance that cannot be torn. Though Milly angrily bangs away on them, nothing budges.

MIDDLE – She cries softly, both from pain from her wounds, as well as from the emotions of the moment.

END – A voice comes out from the darkness in a cell next to hers. The woman, who looks somewhat like Milly, says words of comfort.

Key Scene 2 – Milly’s dilemma

BEGINNING – Milly goes on and on through her tears about how she has secretly known for several years at least that she is different, but always covered it up because she was afraid, both of what other people would think, and what it would mean to her and her own life.

MIDDLE – Now, she’s in a situation where everyone that she cares about depends on her to save them, and she knows so little, and really doesn’t know what to do. If she doesn’t know how to use all her various powers, or even know which she has and doesn’t have, how can she help them? Her strength and speed don’t seem to do any good in this cell.

END – The woman comes more into the light, revealing more resemblance to Milly. She says that Janus learned what materials to use because of her. She’s Milly’s mother Lana, and has been Janus’s prisoner for nearly ten years. And she also reveals that Milly is not Marcus’s ADOPTED daughter, but his real, natural daughter, and thus one of only a handful of people in all the planet who wields both the superhuman power of her alien DNA, but the paranormal powers of a true wizard.

THE SCRIPT

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – THE CELLS – MOMENTS LATER

At the end of a long, underground hallway, a large, mostly dark underground room. Individual jail cells line its walls.

Milly’s tossed into one of them by two guards. They slam its door and bind it shut with a strange-looking cable.

Milly cries out in pain, then sobs openly. Both her arm and leg show painful, if not deep, raw wounds.

Someone stirs in the cell next to Milly’s. Though Milly doesn’t know it, this is LANA, Milly’s mother.

And Lana doesn’t know that Milly’s her daughter–at least not yet.

LANA

What’s wrong, young one? Can I help at all?

MILLY

Not unless you’re Wonder Woman or a magician that can instantly heal wounds.

LANA

That’s a pretty tall order. I used to have extraordinary strength–like Wonder Woman I guess–but the General has found ways of neutralizing those like us. As to the instant healing, definitely can’t offer you any help there.

MILLY

I’m a bit like Wonder Woman myself, minus the power bands. Just found out today. Even from another world I guess.

Lana rises, walks more into the dim light of the cell room.

LANA

If you’re the General’s captive, that’s why you’re here. This area has cells specifically built to house people and other creatures that have innate supernatural strength compared to the humans who rule this planet. They call us–

MILLY

Aliens. I know. I’ve struggled with being one my whole life.

Milly turns so that she can see Lana silhouetted in the dimness, wipes away the last of her tears.

MILLY

Same with you?

Lana leans against hers and Milly’s mutual cell bars.

LANA

In a way, I guess.

MILLY

People here don’t believe in aliens. I didn’t believe in aliens. But I started doing all these superhuman things, you know. I was faster and stronger and could do goofy things like move things with my mind and stuff. But I kept it all a secret, even from my best friend Justin.

Lana listens with interest as Milly rambles on.

MILLY

I was so scared of what people would think if I really acted, you know, like myself. So I never told anyone.

LANA

Not even your parents.

MILLY

Parent, and no. My father adopted me after my mother died. It was weird with him, though. It was almost like he knew even though I never told him. He always called me “my dear little alien.” I hated it, but I think it was because I knew he was right and it scared me.

Milly once again begins to cry. Tears trickle down as she continues.

MILLY

But then a couple nights ago–I think–Dad didn’t come home. He works at a secret lab someplace, but he always comes home on the bus. But he didn’t take the bus this time, and he never came home! I didn’t know what to do, and no one would help me except me and my friend Justin, and we tried to figure out what to do, and then I remembered about this paper that Daddy said I should look for if he never came home, but we couldn’t find it, and then Justin found a safe and I remembered about that, and we didn’t know how to unlock it, but it did by itself, and we found the instructions and then there was this knocking on the door…

Lana crouches down in her cell, now keenly interested, as Milly babbles on.

MILLY

And these guys with guns or something showed up and then Granny Sue came and we barely escaped, and today we came here to save Dad, and Granny Sue tells me I’m this super person and that without me, we can’t save him, but I don’t know how to do anything, because for my whole life I wouldn’t believe that I was who I really am, and even though I broke us in here and all, I couldn’t get to that general guy so we could make him give us Daddy back, and now who knows what will happen, and I just don’t know what to do, and–

Lana leans more into the light.

LANA

Come closer, child.

Without thinking, Milly moves over toward the bars where Lana now sits very close to. Lana reaches out her arm into Milly’s cell, puts it around Milly as Milly sits next to her.

LANA

There, there, Milly. Just be easy…

Milly sniffs some more, then suddenly pulls back, looks into Lana’s face for the first time. Lana catches her breath.

MILLY

How come you know my name?

Now Lana bursts into tears as well.

LANA

Because I’m your mother Milly. I’m your mother! I’m not dead–never was– and I’m here for you now.

The two embrace and cry some more.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Completed Act 3

What I learned doing this assignment is…that things are okay for a 20% draft here. I just added one scene to make Milly’s dilemma about who she really is a bit more real. I also tightened a few areas up, clarified things, etc.

Outline

BEGINNING – Milly refuses to go forth with Granny Sue’s plan until she gets some answers.

MIDDLE – Granny Sue clarifies how she knows that there’s a base under the Lava Craters, and that her father’s probably a prisoner there.

END – Granny Sue says she has no time to explain anything else. Milly agrees to go with her, as Granny Sue stresses that she MUST have Milly’s help. She can’t save Marcus without her.

THE SCRIPT

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Granny Sue leads Milly and Justin around to the other side of her utility truck.

She busies herself gathering tools as she talks.

GRANNY SUE

(to Milly)

What did you bring him for anyway? All he did was slow you down.

She pulls out an electric screwdriver, stuffs it into a big duffel bag that she carries on her shoulder.

GRANNY SUE

He can’t do superhuman stuff like you or magical stuff like me. What’s he gonna do besides get himself killed?

Justin perks up immediately.

JUSTIN

Whoa-whoa-whoa. Who said anything about getting killed? We just followed those damn instructions–

GRANNY SUE

And those “damn instructions” didn’t say anything about bringing a plain old human to this showdown.

Milly looks confused.

MILLY

He’s my best friend, and he can drive. How else could I have gotten here?

Granny Sue gives her a snide look.

GRANNY SUE

You could have done it yourself, and you know it.

Milly suddenly gasps, as if remembering something.

GRANNY SUE

Would have taken you about six or seven hundred jumps, from what I’ve seen. You’d have had plenty of time to rest too.

MILLY

You’ve been watching me run and–

Granny Sue gives her a knowing look, grabs a nail gun and a big bag of long nails, stuffs them in her bag.

Justin gawks.

JUSTIN

What the hell are you talking about?

(to Milly)

What the hell’s she talking about?

Milly bows her head, embarrassed.

MILLY

You know those weird things that I told you about. Well…I can sorta jump…you know, really high, or really far, or both.

JUSTIN

And we’re talking how high? How far? This is insane. You can’t even make a layup in the gym.

MILLY

That’s because–

Justin stands back from her, arms folded.

JUSTIN

No, now I’ve got to see this. You’re so amazingly bouncy. Let’s see how high you can jump–this amazing skill or power or whatever that she says you have that us “plain old humans” can’t do.

JUSTIN

And if you can slam dunk, I’m gonna kill you for not showing me sooner so I could have shown you off to those loser jocks that always make fun of me.

Milly does a feeble jump up in the air. She barely gets into the air. Granny Sue rolls her eyes.

JUSTIN

Ha! There’s one of those, what did she say, six or seven hundred jumps that were going to take you here. Those wouldn’t even get you from your house–former house, I mean–to my house. What kind of crazy rabbit hole are we going down here, huh?

He looks to Granny Sue.

JUSTIN

You should stop messing with my friend’s head, Granny that she’s never heard of. Because it’s making me pretty pissed, and–

GRANNY SUE

(nasty angry)

Shut your trap, not-so-wise guy. You don’t know what you’re talking about.

(to Milly)

If this blabber-mouth really is your best friend, don’t you think you owe him the truth? I mean, obviously he’s not just any old person to you, even though he is “just any old person”, if you know what I mean.

Milly bristles at Granny Sue and at Justin.

MILLY

You wanna see how I can jump?

(to Granny Sue)

You think I should show him? Okay. Here goes.

In one lightning motion, Milly launches herself like a rocket, ZIPS high into the sky–and completely out of sight.

Justin stares up in awe.

JUSTIN

Where’d she go? Is she in, like, Space?

GRANNY SUE

Not hardly, but it will be a minute or two before she comes down.

Justin just stares at Granny Sue, hopelessly bewildered.

GRANNY SUE

She’s an alien, as in one who comes from another world–physical world, I mean. She barely knows it though. Marcus was waiting for the right time to tell her, but…

She fishes some more around in her truck’s equipment bins, pulls out a big shop vac on wheels and sets it down.

JUSTIN

And you?

Suddenly, there’s a soft THUMP nearby. Milly’s back. She walks back to them, an angry look on her face.

Granny Sue shuts up the truck, grabs what looks like a fancy sniper rifle off the top of the vehicle.

GRANNY SUE

Now that we’ve got that little exhibition over with, let’s get down to business. Come on. Follow me.

She trudges down the road as it heads up the dry mountains.

GRANNY SUE

(to Milly)

I told him you were an alien.

Milly stops, gapes in astonishment. Granny Sue continues.

GRANNY SUE

(to Justin)

And no, I’m not an alien, but I feel like one. I’m a witch–I prefer sorceress–and I don’t get any more credibility than she would if she made an announcement about herself to everyone at your school.

Justin and Milly share meaningful, confused looks as they trudge along.

GRANNY SUE

And Milly’s dad is my son. A wizard–sorcerer. We’re part of a worldwide organization called the WWAA: Witches, Wizards, and Aliens Association, formed for the mutual benefit of us all, given our mutual difficulties living in this rather backward world.

She stops at a curve in the road. Below is a vast moonscape of craters, cinder cones, fissures, and old lava floes.

GRANNY SUE

And down there, somewhere under all that, is where he’s at, most likely slaving away for a rogue wizard named General Janus. He values Marcus for his unique magical talents, which he hopes to abuse to become master of this whole damn planet someday. And right now, we’re the only ones who can stop him.

She chuckles at Milly and Justin’s blank stares.

GRANNY SUE

Well, not just us. You got that bag of toys you were supposed to bring?

Milly pulls it out of her jacket pocket.

GRANNY SUE

Now pull one out. Set it on the ground, and say “the magic word.”

Milly pulls out a WWII-style Jeep with a driver and a man firing a .50 caliber machine gun. She looks sheepishly up at Granny Sue.

MILLY

I’m sorry. I don’t know any magic words.

GRANNY SUE

(exasperated)

Oh come on! Didn’t he even teach you about the magic word?

Granny Sue takes the toy, moves it farther away from them, onto the road.

GRANNY SUE

Want it to be on the road at least to start–and not visible from down there.

She turns back towards the kids.

GRANNY SUE

Okay. Now you both pay attention. Even plain old humans can do this because the magic’s in the words.

Granny Sue points at the Jeep.

GRANNY SUE

Be big! The magic word!

Suddenly, in an instant, the toy Jeep turns into the real thing, life-size, with two men inside.

DRIVER

What are our orders, Ma’am?

GRANNY SUE

(to the Driver)

At ease, gentlemen.

(to the kids)

How many more of those toys you got?

MILLY

Maybe thirty or forty?

Granny Sue gives them a big grin.

GRANNY SUE

See what I mean. It’s not gonna be just us three.

She grabs the bag, takes it with her off the road out of sight of the Lava Craters. She starts putting toys out on the ground: Army men, futuristic weapons, military vehicles…

Justin’s face brightens.

JUSTIN

So there really isn’t a magic word because–

MILLY

The magic word is when you say “the magic word!” That’s so–cool!

GRANNY SUE

An old family tradition. Very cool indeed–and the best part is that no one ever guesses it.

LATER…

The area off the road now has Marcus’s miniature toys spread all over the area.

She comes back to where Milly and Justin watch.

GRANNY SUE

Well, that’s all that.

She gives Justin the empty plastic bag.

GRANNY SUE

Hang on to that. We’ll need it later.

She goes back down to her utility truck. The kids follow.

JUSTIN

So what are we going to do: make all those big and then go down there and kick some ass.

Granny Sue snorts. Milly gives Justin a “seriously” look.

JUSTIN

Well, we got the cavalry now!

GRANNY SUE

Cavalry? Cavalry ain’t gonna do nothing to anybody in the face of General Janus and his little army.

She grabs an air duster can and a laser pointer and they hike back toward their overlook of the Lava Craters.

GRANNY SUE

That area down there looks deserted, like I said, but underneath, it’s a whole different story, and that’s where Marcus will be. There two entrances that I know of and there’ll be perimeter guards and maybe even a spell or two protecting them from intruders. What we’ve got to do is outsmart him so that he thinks one thing’s gonna happen, but what’s really going on is something else.

JUSTIN

Classic diversion. Gotcha!

Granny Sue smirks at Justin, looks to Milly.

GRANNY SUE

You sure about this one?

MILLY

What’s that supposed to mean? He’s just new to all like this, and so am I. Stop being so condescending. He’s the only real friend I have!

Granny sighs, stares out at the Lava Craters. Finally…

GRANNY SUE

Okay here’s the deal. This is a for real situation that can and probably will have some deadly consequences for some. Our job is to make sure it isn’t any of us or Marcus. To do that, we’ve got to be sharp as tacks and follow a very well-thought-out plan as close to flawlessly as we can.

GRANNY SUE

And everyone’s going to have to do their part. We’ll need all our smarts and all our talents to accomplish our goal. If you’re not in with that, you’d best get on that motorbike and leave. If you are, we have better than a fighting chance to be successful.

She looks both kids directly in the eye. Neither of them flinches.

GRANNY SUE

Okay.

(to Justin)

Now you, I’m going to give you something that I’ve never given another “just human” person before. You’re going to be able to use “the magic word.” Just like I did. It will work until one of us tells you it won’t. You will not abuse it. That means use it for a purpose other than what will help our plan. If you do, you’ll change into a wild turkey for five minutes. Got it, Mister Gotcha?

JUSTIN

Uh, yeah. Gotcha.

She points at him and mumbles some unintelligible words.

GRANNY SUE

Point at that bazooka down there and say the magic word.

He does.

JUSTIN

The magic word.

It instantly becomes a full-sized weapon.

JUSTIN

Whoa!

He looks at his finger.

JUSTIN

That’s awesome…and very, very scary.

GRANNY SUE

Great attitude. Now slowly, like, say, two in every minute, make each one of these life-sized. Tell any soldiers to be “at ease.”

GRANNY SUE

You can ask one at a time if you yourself want to learn how to operate a weapon, like this bazooka here. The person will show you. Make sure you tell them not to fire it. Then tell them to be “at ease” again. When you’re finished, wait for further instructions.

JUSTIN

Gotcha! Where will you guys be?

GRANNY SUE

Somewhere way over there.

She points to the far side of the Lava Craters: several miles away.

JUSTIN

You taking the truck?

GRANNY SUE

Nope. We’re going the alien way.

She looks over at Milly, whose eyes widen.

GRANNY SUE

I’ll hang onto your shoulders with my gear. Get us over there in a couple jumps, and make sure to stay clear of the Lava Craters if you have to come down halfway.

Milly looks uncertain. Granny Sue smiles.

GRANNY SUE

You’re going to do just fine.

Justin catches her eye, gives her a thumbs-up.

MILLY

Okay.

(stooping)

Climb on.

Granny Sue does, with the gear she collected from the truck.

MILLY

Alright. Here we go. Halfway over there.

She points, then launches herself, disappears into the sky. Justin tries to follow her with his eye, but can’t.

He turns back to his task, checks his watch. Then points at a Jedi Knight toy.

JUSTIN

The magic word!

EXT. LAVA CRATERS – FAR SIDE

Milly and Granny Sue land with a THUMP behind a hill. Granny Sue climbs off Milly, starts up the hill. Milly just stands there.

GRANNY SUE

Come on, kid!

Milly hesitates. She seems to have frozen.

GRANNY SUE

Don’t be so shocked, honey. You’re going to be doing stuff like that as if you were walking to your friend’s house before this day’s out.

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Justin walks among several dozen soldiers from various eras, planets, etc. He pinches a Viking, and the guy takes a swing that nearly takes his head off.

JUSTIN

Hey, watch it. I’m your commander, you know.

VIKING

(subtitled-said in Norse tongue)

Oh. Sorry.

Justin tries to fist-bump him. He doesn’t get it. They shake hands instead.

EXT. LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Granny Sue goes to Milly, who turns away when Granny Sue gets there.

GRANNY SUE

Come on, kid. Time’s important here, especially for your father.

MILLY

I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m going to need some answers before I go anywhere else. Who are you, really? Are you really my grandmother, or just someone called Granny? Is Marcus really my father, and how do you know–

Granny Sue tries to put an arm around Milly, but Milly shrugs her off.

MILLY

And how in the world–

GRANNY SUE

Stop.

Milly tries to go on, but Granny Sue stops her.

GRANNY SUE

Listen. I’d love to sit down here and have a nice long fireside chat with you, Milly, but there’s no time for that. Seriously. I mean it. Your father’s life is at stake.

MILLY

How do you know that, and how do you know there’s some big base under this place? You at least owe us that much truth, since Justin and I are supposedly risking our lives!

Granny Sue sighs. She motions Milly to sit on a nearby rock. Granny Sue joins her.

GRANNY SUE

You’re right, so here’s a very much abbreviated version of that information. Then, we’ve got to get busy. Some years ago, the WWAA got concerned about disappearing aliens from the group. They’d disappear for a while, then be found dead somewhere. Then, one disappeared from my settlement, and I was able to track whoever took them. The trail ended here. I was given orders by the Association to investigate. I found the bunker, and I found who was running it too. I surveilled the place, and then got myself captured so I could see inside. I know it inside and out, and I saw the alien from my settlement. He was doing slave labor of some kind. I couldn’t do anything for him, and near got myself killed escaping myself. But when we came back with a rescue team two weeks later, she was dead. I saw the body. They cremated her as I watched.

She gets up off the rock.

GRANNY SUE

As they say here, that’s the honest-to-God truth. Every since then, we’ve had spies watching the place.

GRANNY SUE

When the report came that a crew had gone out toward your place, I came as fast as I could, but, as you can tell, I was too late. Now, we’ve got work to do. I don’t want to be too late again. And Milly, I don’t like to be harsh, but I need you to be totally in on this. I can’t do it without you.

Milly nods solemnly.

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Justin shakes hands with several more Vikings.

JUSTIN

Damn! That feels real.

(suddenly, in his head)

GRANNY SUE

Don’t worry. They are all real, but Marcus’s magic is such that if they are hit in any way that would cause death or great pain, they just turn back into toys.

JUSTIN

Gee, thanks–really. Hey, are you in my head all the time?

GRANNY SUE

Only when needed. Be ready. I’ll give the command soon. You’ll tell the men to charge the large fissures below you. As you get closer, you’ll see that there’s actually a long ramp there that leads down to a huge garage door opening. That’s your target.

JUSTIN

Gotcha!

EXT. LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Milly and Granny Sue peer from behind the lip of a low cinder cone over to another, large cinder cone next to it.

A few people who look like tourists hang out, eat lunch from the tailgate of a pick-up truck.

GRANNY SUE

Those would be guards down there. The main entrance is most likely magically hidden. I’ll find it soon enough.

She waves her arms high over her head several times.

GRANNY SUE

A standard early-warning spell stretches out to fifty yards or so in front of those men, probably surrounds the compound area. I’m surprised it’s not a stronger barrier, but then again, you don’t want real tourists electrocuted or turned into dust, now do you.

Milly shakes her head warily. Granny Sue hunkers down with Milly.

GRANNY SUE

Okay. A couple things before we talk about the plan. Your power is significant over just that of an ordinary human. For instance, your skin is incredibly dense, even though it doesn’t appear so. It’s virtually impenetrable.

Milly checks out her arm, then looks to Granny Sue questionably.

GRANNY SUE

Every wonder why you’ve never had so much as a scratch in your life?

MILLY

How did you know–

GRANNY SUE

No time to explain. Just believe it. Here. Let me show you.

Before Milly can figure what’s happened, Granny Sue’s grabbed a carpenter’s hammer from her bag and slammed it down with all her might on Milly’s hand.

Milly doesn’t flinch. She checks herself out. No mark on her hand at all.

GRANNY SUE

Now that only works for areas covered with skin. Eyes, nostrils, open mouth, ears, etcetera, your as human as anyone. Be especially careful of that.

Milly looks curiously at her hand, then brings it down on a rock. The rock bounces away–and her hand’s not bruised.

GRANNY SUE

Someday your arms will be strong enough to smash that to dust. But your legs are already strong enough for what we’re up to today.

They climb up the cinder cone again, study other cinder cone.

GRANNY SUE

So here’s the plan. Justin’s distraction will be launched, and within a minute or two, most of those guards will leave. I’ll go in and clear out those other dudes and reveal the actual doorway. As soon as I do, you’ll run and then hurl yourself like a big ole wrecking ball right at it. Once you crash through it, we’ll assess where we’re at, then, as quietly as we can, find Marcus. You got it.

Milly nods, a determined look on her face.

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Justin chats with some Gulf War soldiers, then suddenly…

GRANNY SUE

Are you ready?

JUSTIN

As we’ll ever be.

GRANNY SUE

Okay! Go for it! The big fissure below you. And make lots of noise!

Justin steps up onto a big boulder.

JUSTIN

Okay, everyone! Our target is that big fissure straight down this hillside. As we get closer, we’ll see a big long ramp! We head down that, and attack the big doors at the end. Blow’em open! You got it!

ARMY GENERAL

What’s our opposition?

JUSTIN

Honestly, sir, I have no idea. We’ll just head in and shoot at whatever we run into. Okay! Everyone, follow after me and my little friend here.

He and the army guys leap up onto a giant US Army Abrams tank. The soldiers pile into it.

Justin rides on top behind the turret.

JUSTIN

This is insane, of course, but I think we’ve already gone around the bend way too far, so what the hell.

(to the tank commander)

Shove off, captain.

(to all the others)

Move out!! Charge!! Or whatever you say!

Several dozen soldiers, ancient warriors, futuristic soldiers, and a number of vehicles and even some flying craft, head off behind Justin’s tank or take off into the air, yelling battle cries, etc.

They’re soon at the bottom of the hill. Machine gun fire erupts from hidden bunkers near the fissure. A helicopter gunship’s Gatling guns wipe them all out.

The tank slams into an invisible wall. So do soldiers.

JUSTIN

Let’s see if this is what I think it is.

He points to the space in front of them.

JUSTIN

Crumble! The magic word!

Suddenly, the tank surges forward. Soldiers dash forward again.

JUSTIN

Ha-ha!! I’m the Sorcerer’s Apprentice!!

More gunfire, more machine guns, some big guns in gun emplacements fire away at the charging horde.

Justin’s tank speeds up, its turret swirls, its gun fires, takes out gun emplacements, even a couple armored vehicles that come out of the fissure.

The helicopter buzzes the fissure with gunfire. Justin can now see the long ramp.

JUSTIN

There it is! Go-go-go! Damn, I feel like I’m in a movie!!

EXT. LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Milly and Granny Sue watch as the guards of the door dash around the cinder cone toward the other side. Only two remain.

GRANNY SUE

I’m moving out.

She walks out, then does a little jog as she gets closer. The two guys look curiously, then pull weapons.

Granny Sue pulls out an electric screwdriver, points it at the men, flips it on.

As the tool whirs and spins, both men are lifted off the ground and spin as if caught in a horizontal vortex. They spin high over the smaller cinder cone before Granny Sue turns off the screwdriver, at which time they plunge back to Earth, unconscious.

Granny Sue waves her hand over the face of the big cinder cone. It exposes a large double door.

GRANNY SUE

Now!

Milly hesitates for a minute, then, with anger and fury in her eyes, she takes off running then sends herself straight as an arrow at the door.

IMPACT! The doors shatter into slivers and busted iron. Milly continues through before she skids on a floor, takes out several chairs and tables as she does.

Granny Sue is there immediately. No one’s in the room. They head down a hallway quickly, silently.

GRANNY SUE

How are you?

MILLY

Great! That was awesome.

GRANNY SUE

You did wonderful, but now, we gotta be hecka careful.

Granny Sue waves her hand over them.

GRANNY SUE

An invisible shield. It should help.

EXT. THE RAMP – DAY

Justin and his “army” fight intensely along the ramp as soldiers in odd, futuristic uniforms use both traditional and futuristic weapons like particle beam guns and laser ray weapons.

Some of Justin’s people have the same kinds of weapons and engage them. Others fight with whatever they have.

Justin’s tank blasts away at the doors down at the ramp’s end. Justin waves his hand again.

JUSTIN

Begone! The magic word!

The next tank shot blasts part of the door, though it doesn’t collapse.

JUSTIN

Ha-ha! Fire again. Head for that breach guys!

They all do, when suddenly, everything goes haywire.

The battered garage door opens, and what looks like a hundred or more perimeter guards stand ready to counter-attack.

JUSTIN

Holy cow! Where did they come from?

(to his army)

Fall back! Retreat!

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – MORNING

Milly and Granny Sue sneak through several empty offices as they creep down a wide hallway.

Marcus isn’t in any of them.

Presently, they come to the end of the hall. Granny Sue pulls a thin nail from her bag of tools.

GRANNY SUE

Just like the old days.

The nail magically heads for the door’s lock. After a moment of Granny Sue directing it by moving her fingers around, the lock clicks.

Carefully, the two peer through the door. There’s a huge, cavernous control room on the other side. Lots of control panels, flatscreens, stuff that looks like banks of servers, set inside a cave whose ceiling looks to be endlessly high.

Technicians word diligently. They note General Janus bent over a monitor with several technicians.

Carefully, the two creep into the shadows around the control area. They look around, see no one, though it’s pitch dark everywhere but in and around the control area.

GRANNY SUE

(in Milly’s mind)

I have a tiny light. We’ll search the dark areas, look for your father. We’ll stay together. Follow me.

EXT. THE RAMP – DAY

Justin and his tank bring up the rear, try to cover his men’s retreat by firing into the horde of perimeter guards.

They all seem to turn into toys once they’re hit!

JUSTIN

Oh my god! They’re a toy army too. What the hell?

Suddenly, he hears cries from those behind him. He turns. His men run into an invisible barrier at the top of the ramp.

JUSTIN

Oh no!

(to his tank commander)

Get me back there.

THE INVISIBLE WALL…

Justin arrives in the midst of his anxious army. He waves at the wall.

JUSTIN

Begone! The magic word!

The men dash through it. Justin heaves a sigh of relief…

And then, everyone crashes into another barrier! Justin plows through them to the wall’s edge, once again waves his hand.

JUSTIN

Begone! The magic word!

Once again, it disappears–and the horde of perimeter guards get closer.

No sooner have they run another twenty feet, and SMASH! Another wall!

Justin waves again.

JUSTIN

Begone! The magic word!

The wall…doesn’t budge.

JUSTIN

Oh shit…

He and his soldiers turn. The perimeter guards are upon them.

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND

Milly and Granny Sue continue with her small light to search the dark areas around the central control center.

They find nothing. Both become more tense.

GRANNY SUE

This doesn’t seem right. There ain’t even any supplies or things here. I wonder–

Her light suddenly illuminates two eyes and a face. A perimeter guard, though her skin glares a bit unnaturally.

Behind her, Granny Sue sees at least a dozen more pairs of eyes.

GRANNY SUE

Run!

The two dash off. Suddenly, lights come on around them. Perimeter guards dash after them–by the dozen.

They head back to the door that they came in by, but another light comes on across the cave, and more perimeter guards charge towards them.

The din now in the cavern is deafening as perimeter guards race to cut them off.

GRANNY SUE

Get to the door!

Milly turns on her super-speed. She’s there in an instant. She fiercely battles perimeter guards, knocks them every which-way, but there’s so many of them!

Granny Sue stands and “spins away” a bunch of her pursuers with her enchanted electric screwdriver, and then again with an air duster.

But all at once, they all stop working. She runs on to Milly. The try to go through the door, but it won’t open.

They’re trapped. And then, their magic Shield magically disappears.

EXT. THE RAMP

Justin sits, battered and bruised, on top of a tiny toy tank. The last of his soldiers is hit, leaps high, and falls to the ground as a plastic soldier.

Justin’s surrounded by perimeter guards. A few come out of the crowds toward him. Justin can see that they’re not life-sized toy soldiers.

SOLDIER 1

Don’t worry…to much. Our General wants to see you.

He grabs Justin. Another soldier handcuffs him.

JUSTIN

Okay. I guess that’s better than getting killed, right?

SOLDIER 1

Maybe. And don’t try any of that magic stuff. That would be very bad–for both you and your friends.

Justin’s face shows surprise, but no one’s talking as he’s led in. Behind him, perimeter guards fall in. They leave toys scattered everywhere.

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND

Granny Sue’s knocked out but not before “nailing” a bunch of perimeter guards with a nail gun.

But Milly fights on. The perimeter guards can’t do much with one so strong and armored.

She wades through them, knocks them to and fro, her eyes always on Janus, who smiles wickedly at the scene.

Just as she gets to him, he raises his arm. A small mini-missile points at her. He launches it from his arm.

It tears into Milly’s arm. Another explodes on her leg. She falls, writhes in pain.

Janus strolls to her as the perimeter guards back away.

JANUS

Milly, Marcus’s adopted daughter, I assume.

(to a nearby officer)

Throw that net on her. It should hold her. Take her to the cells.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 3 Turning Point

What I learned while doing this assignment is…I can still keep producing script even though I’m distracted or wish I was doing something else. I just keep writing and cranking out junk—I’ll be able to change it more easily later if it’s already down.

Outline

BEGINNING – Milly and Granny Sue have made it inside Janus’s secret underground compound, even as Justin and the life-size toys are engaged with Janus’s perimeter guards as a diversion.

Things seem to be going well. Milly and Granny Sue have found what seems to be the main control room in the compound, and Justin and his army are ready to enter through the big back garage doors.

MIDDLE – Suddenly, the back garage door opens, and a horde of more heavily armed soldiers charge out. Justin calls for a retreat, and his men fall back. But, at the top of the ramp that they’ve descended, they run into an invisible barrier. Justin at first can wave them off using “the magic word,” but suddenly, it no longer works.

Milly and Granny Sue advance silently into the cavernous control room. No one sees them—except dozens of perimeter guards who line the shadows around the cave. Several approach as Milly and Granny Sue are about to enter an office in search of Marcus’s location. Granny Sue uses an air duster to blow some off their feet. Milly uses her speed and agility to knock over some more. The Shield Granny Sue constructed holds up under fire from both guns and small energy bolts shot by other guns.

But then the shield drops of its own accord. Janus turns around from his post in the control room. Approaches them.

END – Justin and his soldiers are trapped. They engage the perimeter guards, but it’s no use. Most of his soldiers are either hit and turn back into to toys, or just are turned immediately by some magic spell.

After a brief standoff with Janus, he releases his hordes from under the cave overhangs. Granny Sue fights bravely, but is quickly overwhelmed and captured. Milly fights on, her eyes focused on Janus as she knocks guards here and there on her way toward him. When she finally does, there’s a brief exchange before Milly’s completely overpowered by Janus’s magic and knocked out.

THE SCENE

EXT. THE RAMP – DAY

Justin and his “army” fight intensely along the ramp as soldiers in odd, futuristic uniforms use both traditional and futuristic weapons like particle beam guns and laser ray weapons.

Some of Justin’s people have the same kinds of weapons and engage them. Others fight with whatever they have.

Justin’s tank blasts away at the doors down at the ramp’s end. Justin waves his hand again.

JUSTIN

Begone! The magic word!

The next tank shot blasts part of the door, though it doesn’t collapse.

JUSTIN

Ha-ha! Fire again. Head for that breach guys!

They all do, when suddenly, everything goes haywire.

The battered garage door opens, and what looks like a hundred or more perimeter guards stand ready to counter-attack.

JUSTIN

Holy cow! Where did they come from?

(to his army)

Fall back! Retreat!

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – MORNING

Milly and Granny Sue sneak through several empty offices as they creep down a wide hallway.

Marcus isn’t in any of them.

Presently, they come to the end of the hall. Granny Sue pulls a thin nail from her bag of tools.

GRANNY SUE

Just like the old days.

The nail magically heads for the door’s lock. After a moment of Granny Sue directing it by moving her fingers around, the lock clicks.

Carefully, the two peer through the door. There’s a huge, cavernous control room on the other side. Lots of control panels, flatscreens, stuff that looks like banks of servers, set inside a cave whose ceiling looks to be endlessly high.

Technicians word diligently. They note General Janus bent over a monitor with several technicians.

Carefully, the two creep into the shadows around the control area. They look around, see no one, though it’s pitch dark everywhere but in and around the control area.

GRANNY SUE

(in Milly’s mind)

I have a tiny light. We’ll search the dark areas, look for your father. We’ll stay together. Follow me.

EXT. THE RAMP – DAY

Justin and his tank bring up the rear, try to cover his men’s retreat by firing into the horde of perimeter guards.

They all seem to turn into toys once they’re hit!

JUSTIN

Oh my god! They’re a toy army too. What the hell?

Suddenly, he hears cries from those behind him. He turns. His men run into an invisible barrier at the top of the ramp.

JUSTIN

Oh no!

(to his tank commander)

Get me back there.

THE INVISIBLE WALL…

Justin arrives in the midst of his anxious army. He waves at the wall.

JUSTIN

Begone! The magic word!

The men dash through it. Justin heaves a sigh of relief…

And then, everyone crashes into another barrier! Justin plows through them to the wall’s edge, once again waves his hand.

JUSTIN

Begone! The magic word!

Once again, it disappears–and the horde of perimeter guards get closer.

No sooner have they run another twenty feet, and SMASH! Another wall!

Justin waves again.

JUSTIN

Begone! The magic word!

The wall…doesn’t budge.

JUSTIN

Oh shit…

He and his soldiers turn. The perimeter guards are upon them.

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND

Milly and Granny Sue continue with her small light to search the dark areas around the central control center.

They find nothing. Both become more tense.

GRANNY SUE

This don’t seem right. There ain’t even any supplies or things here. I wonder–

Her light suddenly illuminates two eyes and a face. A perimeter guard, though her skin glares a bit unnaturally.

Behind her, Granny Sue can see at least a dozen more pairs of eyes.

GRANNY SUE

Run!

The two dash off. Suddenly, lights come on around them. Perimeter guards dash after them–by the dozen.

They head back to the door that they came in by, but another light comes on across the cave, and more perimeter guards charge towards them.

The din now in the cavern is deafening as perimeter guards race to cut them off.

GRANNY SUE

Get to the door!

Milly turns on her super-speed. She’s there in an instant. She fiercely battles perimeter guards, knocks them every which-way, but there’s so many of them!

Granny Sue stands and “spins away” a bunch of her pursuers with her enchanted electric screwdriver, and then again with an air duster.

But all at once, they all stop working. She runs on to Milly. The try to go through the door, but it won’t open.

They’re trapped. And then, their magic Shield magically disappears.

EXT. THE RAMP

Justin sits, battered and bruised, on top of a tiny toy tank. The last of his soldiers is hit, leaps high, and falls to the ground as a plastic soldier.

Justin’s surrounded by perimeter guards. A few come out of the crowds toward him. Justin can see that they’re not life-sized toy soldiers.

SOLDIER 1

Don’t worry…to much. Our General wants to see you.

He grabs Justin. Another soldier handcuffs him.

JUSTIN

Okay. I guess that’s better than getting killed, right?

SOLDIER 1

Maybe. And don’t try any of that magic stuff. That would be very bad–for both you and your friends.

Justin’s face shows surprise, but no one’s talking as he’s led in. Behind him, perimeter guards fall in. They leave toys scattered everywhere.

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND

Granny Sue’s knocked out but not before “nailing” a bunch of perimeter guards with a nail gun.

But Milly fights on. The perimeter guards can’t do much with one so strong and armored.

She wades through them, knocks them to and fro, her eyes always on Janus, who smiles wickedly at the scene.

Just as she gets to him, he raises his arm. A small mini-missile points at her. He launches it from his arm.

It tears into Milly’s arm. Another explodes on her leg. She falls, writhes in pain.

Janus strolls to her as the perimeter guards back away.

JANUS

Milly, Marcus’s adopted daughter, I assume.

(to a nearby officer)

Throw that net on her. It should hold her. Take her to the cells.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 3 Middle Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…is how, if you just keep plugging forward, scenes just seem to come, and then they get written. They’re not that good, but they’re there. I also get the idea of making a new plan, but…

Outline – Key Scene 2

BEGINNING

Justin hangs out amongst the life-sized toys. He notices that they’re really alive, like humans.
Granny Sue assesses the situation magically. She detects a typical early-warning zone around a perimeter several hundred yards in diameter. Those who cross it won’t know it, but will alert those in the underground bunker. This is mildly surprising to her—she figured there might be more.
Justin wonders what happens to these very real people if shooting starts. Granny Sue telepathically tells him not to worry. If they’re hit, they turn back into toys.

MIDDLE

Granny Sue tells Milly that her skin is very dense, much like Kevlar, but her facial orifices are not (eyes, ears, etc._). With her speed and thrust, she can be like a battering ram.
When Justin begins the diversion, Granny Sue will magically destroy the early-warning shield. They will wait a couple minutes. Then Milly will hurl herself toward the entrance before them and destroy it.
Once in, “the magic word” probably won’t work, but Granny Sue’s charmed electric tools will. As quietly as possible, they’ll try to find Marcus and bring him out.

END

All goes well for the most part. Justin and crew make a great distraction. A crazy, action-filled battle rages between his soldiers and soldiers from Janus’s perimeter guards.
Any guards near the entrance near Milly and Granny Sue either take off or are left almost alone. Granny Sue disperses them, and Milly crashes through the doors.
Suddenly things change. Justin and all his soldiers either can’t move or return to toy size. Justin’s helpless to resist Janus’s soldiers. He surrenders.
Milly and Granny Sue see Marcus passed out in a chair. They head for him, but suddenly are arrested by Janus’s spell. Granny Sue and Milly try to fight it, but movement causes electric shocks.
As Janus taunts them, they see Marcus and his chair hauled up on cable as high as the main cavern is—several hundred feet—and then dropped like a rock to the concrete floor below.

THE SCENES

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Justin walks among several dozen soldiers from various eras, planets, etc. He pinches a Viking, and the guy takes a swing that nearly takes his head off.

JUSTIN

Hey, watch it. I’m your commander, you know.

VIKING

(subtitled-said in Norse tongue)

Oh. Sorry.

Justin tries to fist-bump him. He doesn’t get it. The shake hands instead.

JUSTIN

Damn! That felt real.

(suddenly, in his head)

GRANNY SUE

Don’t worry. They are all real, but Marcus’s magic is such that if they are hit in any way that would cause death or great pain, they just turn back into toys.

JUSTIN

Gee, thanks–really. Hey, are you in my head all the time?

GRANNY SUE

Only when needed. Be ready. I’ll give the command soon. You’ll tell the men to charge the large fissures below you. As you get closer, you’ll see that there’s actually a long ramp there that leads down to a huge garage door opening. That’s your target.

JUSTIN

Gotcha!

EXT. LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Milly and Granny Sue peer from behind the lip of a low cinder cone over to another, large cinder cone next to it.

A few people who look like tourists hang out, eat lunch from the tailgate of a pick-up truck.

GRANNY SUE

Those would be guards down there. The main entrance is most likely magically hidden. I’ll find it soon enough.

She waves her arms high over her head several times.

GRANNY SUE

A standard early-warning spell stretches out to fifty yards or so in front of those men, probably surrounds the compound area. I’m surprised it’s not a stronger barrier, but then again, you don’t want real tourists electrocuted or turned into dust, now do you.

Milly shakes her head warily. Granny Sue hunkers down with Milly.

GRANNY SUE

Okay. A couple things before we talk about the plan. Your power is significant over just that of an ordinary human. For instance, your skin is incredibly dense, even though it doesn’t appear so. It’s virtually impenetrable.

Milly checks out her arm, then looks to Granny Sue questionably.

GRANNY SUE

Every wonder why you’ve never had so much as a scratch in your life?

MILLY

How did you know–

GRANNY SUE

No time to explain. Just believe it. Here. Let me show you.

Before Milly can figure what’s happened, Granny Sue’s grabbed a carpenter’s hammer from her bag and slammed it down with all her might on Milly’s hand.

Milly doesn’t flinch. She checks herself out. No mark on her hand at all.

GRANNY SUE

Now that only works for areas covered with skin. Eyes, nostrils, open mouth, ears, etcetera, your as human as anyone. Be especially careful of that.

Milly looks curiously at her hand, then brings it down on a rock. The rock bounces away–and her hand’s not bruised.

GRANNY SUE

Someday your arms will be strong enough to smash that to dust. But your legs are already strong enough for what we’re up to today.

They climb up the cinder cone again, study other cinder cone.

GRANNY SUE

So here’s the plan. Justin’s distraction will be launched, and within a minute or two, most of those guards will leave. I’ll go in and clear out those other dudes and reveal the actual doorway. As soon as I do, you’ll run and then hurl yourself like a big ole wrecking ball right at it. Once you crash through it, we’ll assess where we’re at, then, as quietly as we can, find Marcus. You got it.

Milly nods, a determined look on her face.

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Justin chats with some Gulf War soldiers, then suddenly…

GRANNY SUE

Are you ready?

JUSTIN

As we’ll ever be.

GRANNY SUE

Okay! Go for it! The big fissure below you. And make lots of noise!

Justin steps up onto a big boulder.

JUSTIN

Okay, everyone! Are target is that big fissure straight down this hillside. As we get closer, we’ll see a big long ramp! We head down that, and attack the big doors at the end of it. Blow’em open! You got it!

ARMY GENERAL

What’s our opposition?

JUSTIN

Honestly, sir, I have no idea. We’ll just head in and shoot at whatever we run into. Okay! Everyone, follow after me and my little friend here.

He and the army guys board leap up onto a giant US Army Abrams tank. The soldiers pile into it. Justin rides on top behind the turret.

JUSTIN

This is insane, of course, but I think we’ve already gone around the bend way too far, so what the hell.

(to the tank commander)

Shove off, captain.

(to all the others)

Move out!! Charge!! Or whatever you say!

Several dozen soldiers, ancient warriors, futuristic soldiers, and a number of vehicles and even some flying craft, head off behind Justin’s tank or take off into the air, yelling battle cries, etc.

They’re soon at the bottom of the hill. Machine gun fire erupts from hidden bunkers near the fissure. A helicopter gunship’s Gatling guns wipe them all out.

The tank slams into an invisible wall. So do soldiers.

JUSTIN

Let’s see if this is what I think it is.

He points to the space in front of them.

JUSTIN

Crumble! The magic word!

Suddenly, the tank surges forward. Soldiers dash forward again.

JUSTIN

Ha-ha!! I’m the Sorcerer’s Apprentice!!

More gunfire, more machine guns, some big guns in gun emplacements fire away at the charging horde.

Justin’s tank speeds up, its turret swirls, its gun fires, takes out gun emplacements, even a couple armored vehicles that come out of the fissure.

The helicopter buzzes the fissure with gunfire. Justin can now see the long ramp.

JUSTIN

There it is! Go-go-go! Damn, I feel like I’m in a movie!!

EXT. LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Milly and Granny Sue watch as the guards of the door dash around the cinder cone toward the other side. Only two remain.

GRANNY SUE

I’m moving out.

She walks out, then does a little jog as she gets closer. The two guys look curiously, then pull weapons.

Granny Sue pulls out an electric screwdriver, points it at the men, flips it on.

As the tool whirs and spins, both men are lifted off the ground and spin as if caught in a horizontal vortex. They spin high over the smaller cinder cone before Granny Sue turns off the screwdriver, at which time they plunge back to Earth, unconscious.

Granny Sue waves her hand over the face of the big cinder cone. It exposes a large double door.

GRANNY SUE

Now!

Milly hesitates for a minute, then, with anger and fury in her eyes, she takes off running then sends herself straight as an arrow at the door.

IMPACT! The doors shatter into slivers and busted iron. Milly continues through before she skids on a floor, takes out several chairs and tables as she does.

Granny Sue is there immediately. No one’s in the room. They head down a hallway quickly, silently.

GRANNY SUE

How are you?

MILLY

Great! That was awesome.

GRANNY SUE

You did wonderful, but now, we gotta be hecka careful.

Granny Sue waves her hand over them.

GRANNY SUE

An invisible shield. It should help.

EXT. THE RAMP – DAY

Justin and his “army” fight intensely along the ramp as soldiers in odd, futuristic uniforms use both traditional and futuristic weapons like particle beam guns and laser ray weapons.

Some of Justin’s people have the same kinds of weapons and engage them. Others fight with whatever they have.

Justin’s tank blasts away at the doors down at the ramp’s end. Justin waves his hand again.

JUSTIN

Begone! The magic word!

The next tank shot blasts part of the door, though it doesn’t collapse.

JUSTIN

Ha-ha! Fire again. Head for that breach guys!

They all do, when suddenly, everything goes haywire.

Everyone of Justin’s army suddenly stops. Arrested as if by magic. Justin can’t even move his mouth.

Then, his entire army instantly becomes toys again.

He finds himself sitting helplessly on top of a toy Abrams tank. Janus’s soldiers advance.

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – MORNING

Milly and Granny Sue sneak through a partially open door. There’s Marcus sitting unconscious in a chair to the side of a large, cavernous control room.

MILLY

Daddy!

Milly charges toward him.

GRANNY SUE

Wait!

Suddenly, they’re both arrested. Neither can move or talk. Chuckling comes from out of the dark.

It’s General Janus.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint

What I learned doing this assignment is…

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

BEGINNING

Granny Sue says now they’ll be able make a plan that will work to find Milly’s father.

MIDDLE

When Justin and Milly don’t seem to take things seriously, she’s honest and firm with them about the stakes. Some people may die that day. Their job is to come up with a plan to make sure they and Marcus aren’t one of them. Justin will prepare a diversion while Milly and Granny Sue move to another side of the Lava Craters to enter unawares

END

Granny Sue give Justin permission to use “the magic word” on the toys that they’ve brought. She tells Milly that she and her will travel in “a couple of leaps” to the other side of the Lava Craters. She’ll ride on Milly’s back. Buoyed by her recent success, and Justin’s encouragement, Milly agrees, and they execute the leaps.

THE SCENE

LATER…

The area off the road now has Marcus’s miniature toys spread all over the area.

She comes back to where Milly and Justin watch.

GRANNY SUE

Well, that’s all that.

She gives Justin the empty plastic bag.

GRANNY SUE

Hang on to that. We’ll need that later.

She goes back down to her utility truck. The kids follow.

JUSTIN

So what are we going to do: make all those big and then go down there and kick some ass.

Granny Sue snorts. Milly gives Justin a “seriously?” Look.

JUSTIN

Well, we got the cavalry now!

GRANNY SUE

Cavalry? Cavalry ain’t gonna do nothing to anybody in the face of General Janus and his little army.

She grabs (a couple things) and they hike back toward their overlook of the Lava Craters.

GRANNY SUE

That area down there looks deserted, like I said, but underneath, it’s a whole different story, and that’s where Marcus will be. And since there have to be entrances in and out, there’ll be perimeter guards and maybe even a spell or two protecting the area from intruders. What we’ve got to do is outsmart him so that he thinks one thing’s gonna happen, but what’s really going on is something else.

JUSTIN

Classic diversion. Gotcha!

Granny Sue smirks at Justin, looks to Milly.

GRANNY SUE

You sure about this one?

MILLY

What’s that supposed to mean? He’s just new to all like this, and so am I. I don’t understand how it helps us to have a diversion if there isn’t a real plan. Stop being so condescending. He’s my only real friend!

Granny sighs, stares out at the Lava Craters. Finally…

GRANNY SUE

Okay here’s the deal. This is a for real situation that can and probably will have some deadly consequences for some. Our job is to make sure it isn’t any of us or Marcus.

GRANNY SUE

To do that, we’ve got to be sharp as tacks and follow a very well-thought-out plan as close to flawlessly as we can. And everyone’s going to have to do their part. We’ll need all our smarts and all our talents to accomplish our goal. If you’re not in with that, you’d best get on that motorbike and leave. If you are, we have better than a fighting chance to be successful.

She looks both kids directly in the eye. Neither of them flinches.

GRANNY SUE

Okay.

(to Justin)

Now you, I’m going to give you something that I’ve never given another “just human” person before. You’re going to be able to use “the magic word.” Just like I did. It will work until one of us tells you it won’t. You will not abuse it. That means use it for a purpose other than what will help our plan. And to make sure you don’t, you’ll change into a wild turkey for five minutes if you do. Got it, Mister Gotcha?

JUSTIN

Uh, yeah. Gotcha.

She points at him and mumbles some unintelligible words.

GRANNY SUE

Point at that bazooka down there and say the magic word.

He does.

JUSTIN

The magic word.

It instantly becomes a full-sized weapon.

JUSTIN

Whoa!

He looks at his finger.

JUSTIN

That’s awesome…and very, very scary.

GRANNY SUE

Great attitude. Now slowly, like, say, two in every minute, make each one of these life-sized. Tell any soldiers to be “at ease.” You can ask one at a time if you yourself want to learn how to operate a weapon, like this bazooka here. The person will show you. Make sure you tell them not to fire it. Then tell them to be “at ease” again. When you’re finished, wait for further instructions.

JUSTIN

Gotcha! Um, where are you guys going to be.

GRANNY SUE

Somewhere way over there.

She points to the far side of the Lava Craters: several miles away.

JUSTIN

You taking the truck?

GRANNY SUE

Nope. We’re going the alien way.

She looks over at Milly, whose eyes widen.

GRANNY SUE

I’ll hang onto your shoulders with my gear. Get us over there in a couple jumps, and make sure to stay clear of the Lava Craters if you have to come down halfway.

Milly looks uncertain. Granny Sue smiles.

Justin catches her eye, gives her a thumbs-up.

MILLY

Okay.

(stooping)

Climb on.

Granny Sue does, with all the gear she collected from the truck.

MILLY

Alright. Here we go. Halfway over there.

She points, then launches herself, disappears into the sky. Justin tries to follow her with his eye, but can’t.

He turns back to his task, checks his watch. Then points at a Jedi Knight toy.

JUSTIN

The magic word!

EXT. LAVA CRATERS – FAR SIDE

Milly and Granny Sue land with a THUMP behind a hill. Granny Sue climbs off Milly, starts up the hill. Milly just stands there.

GRANNY SUE

Come on, kid!

Milly hustles up to her.

GRANNY SUE

Don’t be so shocked, honey. You’re going to be doing stuff like that as if you were walking to your friend’s house before this day’s out.

[Lee Tidball]

This post was in error. It was my Day 17 post. I’ve moved it over to Day 17

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Lee Tidball.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee has Completed Act 2 Draft 1

What I learned doing this assignment is…that I have a lot of room left (page-wise) to work on character-developing material, which I figure will come later. But I like the basics that I’m laying down here.

Outline

I didn’t really have to add any new scenes to this act, at least not at this point. I did, however, add more detail, dialogue, etc. to a number of scenes to improve overall flow, etc.

THE SCRIPT

INT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK (MOVING) – NIGHT

Justin drives like he’s a stock car racer down the road. Milly sits next to him, terrified.

JUSTIN

(yells)

What in the hell was all that?! Just tell me for one second, what in the hell was all that?!

MILLY

(screams)

Justin, Jesus! Slow down! You’re gonna get us both killed.

Justin barrels along, swerves around a curve.

JUSTIN

(yells more)

Get us all killed? Didn’t we already almost get us all killed?! Shit! Suddenly I’m like two inches high, I’m outside, and a couple ants come at me that are the size of Saint Bernards. I get to the grass, and it’s so tall it looks like the jungle. I’m wondering where’s my mini-machete to go with my mini-body! And then, after crossing the Sahara, and staring at a truck built for Paul Bunyon, I’m suddenly full size again, and you’re yelling at me to get in and get out. What the hell’s that all about!

He swerves again. Milly screams and sobs.

MILLY

I don’t know! I don’t know anything about anything! I just did what it said on the paper!

JUSTIN

The paper? Oh yeah, that’s right. The instructions for when your dad doesn’t come home. So how the hell does he know all this and you do all this and “don’t know anything?!”

A truck approaches in the opposite lane, blows his horn. Justin corrects back into his lane.

JUSTIN

(yells re: truck driver)

Shut up, asshole! Who do you think I am, some kind of maniac?!

MILLY

You’re sure driving like one!

JUSTIN

What? So now she speaks!

JUSTIN

But is it to tell me why I was for two minutes the size of my toy army men that I threw away five years ago, or who some old woman that calls herself Granny Sue is and why does she have a backpack vacuum cleaner that blows four full-grown, fully armed men thirty feet into the night, or how in the hell the house we were in less than five minutes ago just exploded and turned into a pile of sticks? No! It’s to tell me that I’m the maniac in this truck.

Justin continues to speed on. On the right in the distance, a place lit up like a baseball stadium at night.

Milly’s distraught, continues to sob.

MILLY

I can’t tell you anything because I don’t know anything! How many times do I have to tell you. I don’t know anything more than you do! I was just doing what the paper said. Slow down and stop screaming at me. You’re going to miss your own house.

Justin hits the brakes. The car skids. He does a hard right.

The truck bounces onto an immaculate driveway in front of a palatial two-story, 4-car garage house with a manicured desert-landscaped front yard surrounded by wrought iron fence with pickets.

EXT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Justin slams the truck’s door, marches toward a side door. Milly follows with the cylinder and the bag of toys.

JUSTIN

Just following instructions, huh?

They go through the door into…

INT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE

The enter into a huge kitchen that opens onto a giant family room with upholstered chairs and a giant flatscreen.

JUSTIN

Well let’s just see what those instructions say now.

He grabs for the cylinder in Milly’s hand.

MILLY

No! Not until you’re acting sane.

JUSTIN

Still think I’m a maniac, huh? Well I’ll show you what–

He grabs for it again. Milly pushes him back…and Justin flies off his feet, over the kitchen counter, and ends up in a big recliner that opens full-out with the impact.

Milly gasps in horror!

MILLY

Oh my god! I had no idea that would happen! I’m so, so sorry.

She goes to him, but Justin puts out a hand, gets himself out of the recliner gingerly. Milly watches, terrified, distraught.

MILLY

Are–are you okay?

JUSTIN

Thoroughly chastised, I’d say.

He stands, feels Milly’s forearm.

JUSTIN

Yeah, quite some muscle there.

MILLY

Justin, I had no idea, no idea–

Justin waves her off, like “it’s okay, forget about it.” He goes to where Milly left the cylinder.

JUSTIN

Seeing as I’m somewhat calmed, might I…?

He holds up the the cylinder. Milly nods.

Justin opens it. A paper slips out. He unrolls it, reads.

JUSTIN

Now that makes more sense than anything I’ve heard all night.

He leaves the paper on the kitchen counter, slowly walks toward a stairway.

JUSTIN

I’ll be in my room. You can have Mom and Dad’s room. They’ll be gone for another week. It’s just down the hall there.

He staggers up the stairs. Milly sees a dark hallway off the kitchen.

She retrieves the paper and the cylinder, reads the first line of the paper.

“INSTRUCTIONS. 1. Go to bed. Get some rest. You’re safe now.”

Milly sighs, heads for the hallway.

INT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY

Milly quietly paws through cupboards and the fridge, looks for something for breakfast.

JUSTIN

Wait! Wait, I’m here.

Justin nearly stumbles on the stairway as he comes down. He’s dressed in nerdy jammies.

Milly giggles as he hurries into the kitchen.

JUSTIN

What’s so funny? Just because I’m not some clod that sleeps in an old T-shirt and yesterday’s underwear.

Milly’s got a woman’s bathrobe on over whatever’s underneath.

JUSTIN

You look a lot better in that than my mom. And speaking of Mom…

He nudges Milly aside from the cupboards.

JUSTIN

She’d be mortified and totally pissed if anything were out of place when she gets home, so I’ll handle the breakfast chores.

INT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – DINING ROOM – LATER

Justin presents Milly with two small pancakes and a big one made up to look like Mickey Mouse, garnished with sausage links.

JUSTIN

A specialty of mine taught to me by my sage father.

He brings butter and syrup. They dig in. As they eat…

JUSTIN

So, you rested enough to tell me anything more about last night?

Milly squirms a little as she eats.

MILLY

I don’t know anything about what happened last night. Seriously, I don’t. It almost seems like just a bad dream now.

JUSTIN

Well trust me, it was bad, but it wasn’t just a dream. So let’s start from the top. The guys that flattened the door. Who were they?

MILLY

I don’t know. They freaked me out though.

JUSTIN

The scream of the century that disabled all of them, and me too.

MILLY

I was just scared, that’s all. I don’t know.

JUSTIN

Well I don’t either, because I’ve seen you scared and heard you scream before, and that never happened to me.

Milly just keeps eating…slowly.

JUSTIN

Okay, the crazy old lady with the super-duper leaf blower who said she was your Granny Sue.

MILLY

I’ve never seen her before. My dad has never mentioned anyone named Granny Sue.

JUSTIN

And the instructions? “Make you small”, “make me small”, becoming tiny people.

Milly just shakes her head, continues to eat.

JUSTIN

Let me guess. You don’t know–

MILLY

Look, Justin, I was just following the damn instructions, that’s all,

MILLY

and freaking out right along with you. I don’t know anything about anything!

JUSTIN

(one more try)

When you threw me across the room?

MILLY

I had no idea that was going to happen, but you definitely deserved it.

JUSTIN

Point taken, I’m sure, but–

MILLY

I don’t want to talk about it, okay?!

JUSTIN

Obviously something to be put off for another time. But speaking of instructions…

Justin gets up, grabs the rolled-up sheet of paper that they’d read from the night before. He returns to his seat, reads as he eats.

JUSTIN

Well, we’ve got the first two things right. We went to bed, and now we’re eating breakfast. So now, let’s see…

Milly tries to grab the paper from him.

JUSTIN

Uh-uh-uh. Finish your breakfast.

EXT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – DAY

Milly and Justin walk out with a fair-sized cooler, a grocery bag, and Justin has a small gym bag as well.

He’s dressed in camos like he’s going on an expedition. Milly’s in her same clothes from the day before.

In the back of the pick-up the dirt bike is securely fastened.

JUSTIN

You got the bag for your clothes, right? The instructions say your place won’t be swarming with cops yet.

The truck drives away.

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

The truck stops. Milly gets out. The house, while flattened, hasn’t burned.

Milly wonders around a bit, looks over what once was the only home she’d ever known. She winces back tears.

Somehow, Milly’s chest of draws still stands in what’s left of her room. She bags some clothes, gives the place one more look-around, then heads back to the truck.

It pulls out.

EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – DAY

It moves quickly down a lonely two-lane highway. Breath-taking views of giant mountain ranges span both sides of it.

MILLY

I’ve got the GPS coordinates locked into my phone like the instructions say. It’s almost two hundred miles away–

JUSTIN

And we’re supposed to be there in less than three hours. A great excuse to put some pedal to the metal!

The truck speeds way up. Milly tenses.

JUSTIN

Relax, Mills. It’s daytime, there’s almost nobody on the road, and I’ll see any curves in it coming from five miles away. And no one’s shooting at us!

EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK (MOVING) – AN HOUR LATER

The truck sputters to a stop on the shoulder. Justin and Milly get out.

JUSTIN

How in the hell could I be out of gas? It was three-quarters full.

MILLY

Over here.

Justin moves to where Milly is, near the truck’s gasoline intake opening. She points to a clean bullet hole near it.

JUSTIN

Shit.

MILLY

Probably went right on through into the gas tank.

JUSTIN

Jesus. We’re lucky the whole thing didn’t blow last night.

Milly gives him a “what now” look.

JUSTIN

I just so happen to have remembered the emergency credit card folder that Dad keeps in the house.

He pulls out an AAA membership card, punches a number into his phone. As it rings…

JUSTIN

A tow will be here in no time.

INT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – LATER

Justin and Milly sit glumly. Justin checks his watch.

JUSTIN

Well, maybe in a half hour. Damn! One forgets that the nearest settlement is over fifty miles away.

Milly sits quietly.

MILLY

It’s okay. There’s nothing else we can do.

JUSTIN

We’ll get behind…

MILLY

You know, this morning when you were asking me all those questions. I lied to you about one of them.

Justin turns with interest.

MILLY

I really didn’t have any idea that I’d throw you across the room, but I can do some pretty weird things like that.

JUSTIN

Seriously?

MILLY

Here. Watch this.

She looks to her phone, which is in the console. Suddenly, it whooshes into her hand, which is near the side door window.

JUSTIN

Whoa! Do that again.

Milly looks to the car keys in the ignition. They pull themselves out of the starter, fly into her other hand.

Justin looks to her in amazement.

MILLY

I really don’t know how I can do it, but it’s kinda cool, huh?

JUSTIN

You mean, you’ve got…powers or something? How in the hell…

MILLY

All I know is that a lot of times–and you can’t tell anyone about this ever, okay so swear it–

Justin nods.

JUSTIN

No one. Ever. I swear. They’d think I was more lunatic than they do now.

MILLY

A lot of times, when my dad gives me a hug, he says something like “my dear little alien” or something. Weird, huh? It makes me mad because I’m not an alien, even though I’m Mexican. But he doesn’t say it in a bad way or anything. He just–

There’s a knock on Justin’s window. It’s the tow truck driver.

EXT. HIGHWAY – MOMENTS LATER

Milly and Justin, helmeted and leather-jacketed, with a small container of food and water tied on, race away on the dirt bike as the tow truck drives away with Justin’s car.

EXT. GAS STATION – TWO HOURS LATER

It’s in a tiny town next to a small motel. The highway’s the only “street.” It’s lined with some trees and grass.

Milly fills up Justin’s tank. He bounds out of a restroom, hops on the dirt bike. Milly jumps on. They leave.

MILLY

(as they move away)

We’re not going to make it, you know.

JUSTIN

Just you watch! Hang on tight!

He guns the engine. The dirt bike zooms away at scary speed.

EXT. NARROW HIGHWAY – DAY

Justin and Milly speed along. They pass a sign–The Extraterrestrial Highway.” Milly yells to Justin.

MILLY

What’s that mean?

Justin points to the barren desert off to the left.

JUSTIN

Over there! Area 51! You know, where the government’s supposed to have all the ETs locked up and people see UFOs all the time.

MILLY

Freaky-weird, huh?

EXT. NARROW HIGHWAY – LATER

Justin pulls the dirt bike off onto a dirt road. It heads off toward some dry mountains to their right.

JUSTIN

Is this the place?

Milly checks her GPS. No map. No bars on the phone.

MILLY

There’s no cell service here. I’ve lost it.

JUSTIN

Well, I know it’s somewhere around here. How much time we got left?

MILLY

We’re a half hour late.

JUSTIN

Hell. It’s all cuckoo anyway. Let’s try this road for a while.

He guns the motor and they head to the mountains.

EXT. DIRT ROAD – MOMENTS LATER

Justin stops again.

JUSTIN

This doesn’t look right.

MILLY

How do you know what it’s supposed to look like?

He looks around.

JUSTIN

There! The Lava Craters.

He points to a moonscape sort of area covered with craters, brown lava flows far in the distance to the north.

JUSTIN

I remember it was on the back road to that place. It’s a national park or something. We turned too soon. Hang on. We’re about to go cross-country.

They take off across the barren, bouncy desert.

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – LATER

Justin pulls up the dirt bike to a lone odd-looking service truck that sits by the side of the road.

JUSTIN

Hey! We’re here! Anyone in there?

Granny Sue slowly gets out of the truck, comes over to them.

GRANNY SUE

You’re late!

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – SAME TIME

Banks of light illuminate a huge chamber filled with modern lab equipment, electronic panels, and flatscreens.

An exhausted Marcus flops into a chair. He’s handcuffed by a soldier. Janus comes over from a huge control panel area.

JANUS

Finished, I see. Wonderful! And not even any interruptions.

He preens around Marcus, who sweats, pants, leans on his knees.

JANUS

I’d half expected that at least one of your…family, shall we say, would have been here by now, fighting with my perimeter guards to try and rescue you. Too bad.

JANUS

Now I’ve got everything I need. So I guess I don’t really need you anymore either.

He nods to the soldier.

JANUS

But I’m not fool enough to kill you. You could be so useful to me in the future.

(to the soldier)

Take him back to his cell.

He leans in close just before the soldier hauls Marcus away.

JANUS

So sorry no one made it here in time to rescue you before you completed your task. Apparently they just don’t care.

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Granny Sue leads Milly and Justin around to the other side of her utility truck.

She busies herself gathering tools as she talks.

GRANNY SUE

(to Milly)

What did you bring him for anyway? All he did was slow you down.

She pulls out an electric screwdriver, stuffs it into a big duffel bag that she carries on her shoulder.

GRANNY SUE

He can’t do superhuman stuff like you or magical stuff like me. What’s he gonna do besides get himself killed.

Justin perks up immediately.

JUSTIN

Whoa-whoa-whoa. Who said anything about getting killed? We just followed those damn instructions–

GRANNY SUE

And those “damn instructions” didn’t say anything about bringing a plain old human to this showdown.

Milly looks confused.

MILLY

He’s my best friend, and he can drive. How else could I have gotten here?

Granny Sue gives her a snide look.

GRANNY SUE

You could have done it yourself, and you know it.

Milly suddenly gasps, as if remembering something.

GRANNY SUE

Would have taken you about six or seven hundred jumps, from what I’ve seen. You’d have had plenty of time to rest too.

MILLY

You’ve been watching me run and–

Granny Sue gives her a knowing look, grabs a nail gun and a big bag of long nails, stuffs them in her bag.

Justin gawks.

JUSTIN

What the hell are you talking about?

(to Milly)

What the hell’s she talking about?

Milly bows her head, embarrassed.

MILLY

You know those weird things that I told you about. Well…I can sorta jump…you know, really high, or really far, or both.

JUSTIN

And we’re talking how high? How far? This is insane. You can’t even make a layup in the gym.

MILLY

That’s because–

Justin stands back from her, arms folded.

JUSTIN

No, now I’ve got to see this. You’re so amazingly bouncy. Let’s see how high you can jump–this amazing skill or power or whatever that she says you have that us “plain old humans” can’t do.

JUSTIN

And if you can slam dunk, I’m gonna kill you for not showing me sooner so I could have shown you off to those loser jocks that always make fun of me.

Milly does a feeble jump up in the air. She barely gets into the air. Granny Sue rolls her eyes.

JUSTIN

Ha! There’s one of those, what did she say, six or seven hundred jumps that were going to take you here. Those wouldn’t even get you from your house–former house, I mean–to my house. What kind of crazy rabbit hole are we going down here, huh?

He looks to Granny Sue.

JUSTIN

You should stop messing with my friend’s head, Granny that she’s never heard of. Because it’s making me pretty pissed, and–

GRANNY SUE

(nasty angry)

Shut your trap, not-so-wise guy. You don’t know what you’re talking about.

(to Milly)

If this blabber-mouth really is your best friend, don’t you think you owe him the truth. I mean, obviously he’s not just any old person to you, even though he is “just any old person”, if you know what I mean.

Milly bristles at Granny Sue and at Justin.

MILLY

You wanna see how I can jump?

(to Granny Sue)

You think I should show him? Okay. Here goes.

In one lightning motion, Milly launches herself like a rocket, ZIPS high into the sky–and completely out of sight.

Justin stares up in awe.

JUSTIN

Where’d she go? Is she in, like, Space?

GRANNY SUE

Not hardly, but it will be a minute or two before she comes down.

Justin just stares at Granny Sue, hopelessly bewildered.

GRANNY SUE

She’s an alien, as in one who comes from another world–physical world, I mean. She barely knows it though. Marcus was waiting for the right time to tell her, but…

She fishes some more around in her truck’s equipment bins, pulls out a big shop vac on wheels and sets it down.

JUSTIN

And you?

Suddenly, there’s a soft THUMP nearby. Milly’s back. She walks back to them, an angry look on her face.

Granny Sue shuts up the truck, grabs what looks like a fancy sniper rifle off the top of the vehicle.

GRANNY SUE

Now that we’ve got that little exhibition over with, let’s get down to business. Come on. Follow me.

She trudges down the road as it heads up the dry mountains.

GRANNY SUE

(to Milly)

I told him you were an alien.

Milly stops, gapes in astonishment. Granny Sue continues.

GRANNY SUE

(to Justin)

And no, I’m not an alien, but I feel like one. I’m a witch–I prefer sorceress–and I don’t get any more credibility than she would if she made that announcement to everyone at your school.

Justin and Milly share meaningful, confused looks as they trudge along.

GRANNY SUE

And Milly’s dad is my son. A wizard–sorcerer. We’re part of a worldwide organization called the WWAA: Witches, Wizards, and Aliens Association, formed for the mutual benefit of us all, given our mutual difficulties living in this rather backward world.

She stops at a curve in the road. Below is a vast moonscape of craters, cinder cones, fissures, and old lava floes.

GRANNY SUE

And down there, somewhere under all that, is where he’s at, most likely slaving away for a rogue wizard named General Janus. He values Marcus for his unique magical talents, which he hopes to abuse to become master of this whole damn planet someday. And right now, we’re the only ones who can stop him.

She chuckles at Milly and Justin’s blank stares.

GRANNY SUE

Well, not just us. You got that bag of toys you were supposed to bring?

Milly pulls it out of her jacket pocket.

GRANNY SUE

Now pull one out. Set it on the ground, and say the magic word.”

Milly pulls out a WWII-style Jeep with a driver and a man firing a .50 caliber machine gun. She looks sheepishly up at Granny Sue.

MILLY

I’m sorry. I don’t know any magic words.

GRANNY SUE

(exasperated)

Oh come on! Didn’t he even teach you about the magic word?

Granny Sue takes the toy, moves it farther away from them, onto the road.

GRANNY SUE

Want it to be on the road at least to start–and not visible from down there.

She turns back towards the kids.

GRANNY SUE

Okay. Now you both pay attention. Even plain old humans can do this because the magic’s in the words.

Granny Sue points at the Jeep.

GRANNY SUE

Be big! The magic word!

Suddenly, in an instant, the toy Jeep turns into the real thing, life-size, with two men inside.

DRIVER

What are our orders, Ma’am?

GRANNY SUE

(to the Driver)

At ease, gentlemen.

(to the kids)

How many more of those toys you got?

MILLY

Maybe thirty or forty?

Granny Sue gives them a big grin.

GRANNY SUE

See what I mean. It’s not gonna just us three.

She grabs the bag, takes it back off the road out of sight of the Lava Craters. She starts putting toys out on the ground: Army men, futuristic weapons, military vehicles…

Justin’s face brightens.

JUSTIN

So there really isn’t a magic word because–

MILLY

The magic word is when you say “the magic word!” That’s so–cool!

GRANNY SUE

An old family tradition. Very cool indeed–and the best part is that no one ever guesses it. Let’s get busy here, and then we can make a plan.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint

What I learned doing this assignment…is that thing that “The journey continues, but with a whole new purpose and/or perspective” is already baked into my Story outline and beat sheet. I hadn’t understood the part about the change of purpose or perspective before—but it’s so totally there in my previous work that it should be much easier to write.

Midpoint Scene – Outline

EXT. DRY MOUNTAINS – DAY

BEGINNING – Granny Sue chastises Milly and Justin for being late. In the process, she reveals much to Milly about who she really is.

She wonders why Milly brought Justin at all. He doesn’t have alien powers like Milly, he’s not magical like Granny Sue.
She says that Milly could have gotten there much faster if she’d just run and leaped through the air like she can do. Probably could have made it in half an hour.
She tells them that she, Granny Sue, along with her son Marcus, Milly’s dad, are members of a secret society called the WWAA, the Witches, Wizards, and Aliens’ Alliance, an organization or Witches, wizards, and alien beings who all work together to help their mutual causes, provide support and protection for each other, etc.
She’s glad at least that they brought the bag of army toys that Marcus had made. They’d at least now perhaps have a fighting chance against Janus, who has kidnapped Marcus and has probably forced him to miniaturize many of his most dangerous weapons.

MIDDLE – Looking down on the Lava Craters, Granny Sue outlines what she hopes they can do.

She’s glad at least that they brought the bag of army toys that Marcus had made. They’d at least now perhaps have a fighting chance against Janus, who has kidnapped Marcus and has probably forced him to miniaturize many of his most dangerous weapons.
Janus is a rogue wizard, also a US Army general in normal human life. He has out-sized ambitions of amassing vast power for himself, but to do so, he’ll have to eliminate the competition, namely members of the WWAA who aren’t rogue like he is.
The fact that he kidnapped Marcus means that he’s in the final stages of completing preparations for whatever he’s doing.
They, in particular Milly, with her various alien powers, are the only ones standing in his way at this point.

END – Granny Sue tells Milly to get out a “toy” from her father’s toy collection.

Milly gets out a Jeep with two guys in it, a driver and a guy to fire the machine gun on its back.
Granny Sue tells her to say the magic words and make it bigger.
Milly doesn’t get it. Her dad had told her that too way long time ago and she didn’t get it either—he’d never told her any magic words.
Granny sue chuckles, shakes her head at such ignorance. She sets the toy down on the ground, says “the magic words” while pointing at the Jeep. Instantly, the Jeep and both its men become life-sized and want to know their orders.
Granny sue tells Milly to try it with another figure, and Justin also. More figures come to life.

THE SCENE

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – DAY

Granny Sue leads Milly and Justin around to the other side of her utility truck.

She busies herself gathering odd-looking tools as she talks.

GRANNY SUE

(to Milly)

What did you bring him for anyway? All he did was slow you down.

She pulls out a (tool to be named later), stuffs it into a big duffel bag that she carries on her shoulder.

GRANNY SUE

He can’t do superhuman stuff like you or magical stuff like me. What’s he gonna do besides get himself killed.

Justin perks up immediately.

JUSTIN

Whoa-whoa-whoa. Who said anything about getting killed. We just followed those damn instructions–

GRANNY SUE

And those “damn instructions” didn’t say anything about bringing a plain old human to this showdown.

Milly looks confused.

MILLY

He’s my best friend, and he can drive. How else could I have gotten here?

Granny Sue gives her a snide look.

GRANNY SUE

You could have done it yourself, and you know it.

Milly suddenly gasps, as if remembering something.

GRANNY SUE

Would have taken you about six or seven hundred jumps, from what I’ve seen. You’d have had plenty of time to rest too.

MILLY

You’ve been watching me run and–

Granny Sue gives her a knowing look, grabs some (tools to be named later) and stuffs them in her bag.

Justin gawks.

JUSTIN

What the hell are you talking about?

(to Milly)

What the hell’s she talking about.

Milly bows her head, embarrassed.

MILLY

You know those weird things that I told you about. Well…I can sorta jump…you know, really high, or really far, or both.

JUSTIN

And we’re talking how high? How far? This is insane. You can’t even make a layup in the gym.

MILLY

That’s because–

Justin stands back from her, arms folded.

JUSTIN

No, now I’ve got to see this. You’re so amazingly bouncy. Let’s see how high you can jump–this amazing skill or power of whatever that she says you have that us “plain old humans” can’t do. And if you can slam dunk, I’m gonna kill you for not showing me sooner so I could have shown you off to those loser jocks that always make fun of me.

Milly does a feeble jump up in the air. She barely gets into the air.

JUSTIN

Ha! There’s one of those, what did she say, six or seven hundred jumps that were going to take you here. Those wouldn’t even get you from your house–former house–to my house. What kind of crazy rabbit hole are we going down here, huh?

He looks to Granny Sue.

JUSTIN

You should stop messing with my friend’s head, Granny that she’s never heard of. Because it’s making me pretty pissed, and–

GRANNY SUE

(nasty angry)

Shut your trap, not-so-wise guy. You don’t know what you’re talking about.

(to Milly)

If this blabber-mouth really is your best friend, don’t you think you owe

GRANNY SUE

him the truth. I mean, obviously he’s not just any old person to you, even though he is “just any old person”, if you know what I mean.

Milly bristles at Granny Sue and at Justin.

MILLY

You wanna see how I can jump?

(to Granny Sue)

You think I should show him? So here goes.

In one lightning motion, Milly launches herself like a rocket, ZIPS high into the sky–so high that she’s completely out of sight.

Justin stares up in awe.

JUSTIN

Is she in, like, Space?

GRANNY SUE

Not hardly, but it will be a minute or two before she comes down.

Justin just stares at Granny Sue, hopelessly bewildered.

GRANNY SUE

She’s an alien, as in one who comes from another world–physical world, I mean. She barely knows it though. Marcus was waiting for the right time to tell her, but…

She fishes some more around in her truck’s equipment bins, pulls out more (stuff to be named later).

JUSTIN

And you?

Suddenly, there’s a soft THUMP nearby. Milly’s back. She walks back to them, an angry look on her face.

Granny Sue shuts up the truck, grabs what looks like a fancy sniper rifle off the top of the vehicle.

GRANNY SUE

Come on. Follow me.

She trudges down the road as it heads up the dry mountains.

GRANNY SUE

(to Milly)

I told him you were an alien.

Milly stops, gapes in astonishment. Granny Sue continues.

GRANNY SUE

And no, I’m not an alien, but I feel like one lots of times. I’m a witch–I prefer sorceress–and I don’t get any more credibility than she would if she made that announcement to everyone at your school.

Justin and Milly share meaningful, confused looks as they trudge along.

GRANNY SUE

And Milly’s dad is my son. A wizard–sorcerer. We’re part of worldwide organization called the WWAA: Witches, Wizards, and Aliens Association, formed for the mutual benefit of us all, given our mutual difficulties living in this rather backward world.

She stops at a curve in the road. Below is a vast moonscape of craters, cinder cones, fissures, and old lava floes.

GRANNY SUE

And down there, somewhere under all that, is where he’s at, most likely slaving away for a rogue wizard named General Janus. He values Marcus for his unique magical talents, which he hopes to abuse to become master of this whole damn planet someday. And right now, we’re the only ones who can stop him.

She chuckles at Milly and Justin’s blank stares.

GRANNY SUE

Well, not just us. You got that bag of toys you were supposed to bring.

Milly pulls it out of her jacket pocket.

GRANNY SUE

Now pull one out. Set it on the ground, and say the magic word.”

Milly pulls out a WWII-style Jeep with a driver and a man firing a .50 caliber machine gun. She looks sheepishly up at Granny Sue.

MILLY

I’m sorry. I don’t know any magic words.

GRANNY SUE

(exasperated)

Oh come on! Didn’t he even teach you about the magic word?

Granny Sue takes the toy, moves it farther away from them, onto the road.

GRANNY SUE

(to herself)

Want it to be on the road at least to start–and not visible from down there.

She turns back towards the kids.

GRANNY SUE

Okay. Now you both pay attention. Even plain old humans can do this because the magic’s in the words.

Granny Sue points at the Jeep.

GRANNY SUE

Be big! The magic word!

Suddenly, in an instant, the toy Jeep turns into the real thing, life-size, with two men inside.

DRIVER

What are our orders, Ma’am?

GRANNY SUE

(to the Driver)

At ease, gentlemen.

(to the kids)

How many more of those toys you got?

MILLY

Maybe thirty or forty?

Granny Sue gives them a big grin.

GRANNY SUE

See what I mean. It’s not just us three.

She grabs the bag, starts taking out toys, setting them on the ground. Justin’s face brightens.

JUSTIN

So there really isn’t a magic word because–

MILLY

The magic word is when you say “the magic word!” That’s so cool!

GRANNY SUE

An old family tradition. Very cool indeed–and the best part is that no one ever guesses it.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 2 Middle Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…That doing eight pages today in just an hour more than I did five yesterday is probably not bad.

Outline – Key Scene 2

BEGINNING

Milly and Justin read the instructions the next morning.
They have to be at a certain GPS coordinate across the state in two hours.
They start out in the truck, but the dirt bike in the bed in back.

MIDDLE

They quickly run out of gas; hole in the gas line from the sniper’s bullet the night before.
They unload the dirt bike, continue.
After some time, they lose GPS signal. They have no map now.

END

They get lost, etc. Finally get to the right coordinates two hours late.

Outline – Key Scene 3

BEGINNING

They meet Granny Sue there. She’s pissed. They’re behind schedule.

MIDDLE

She wonders why they used cars, etc. Milly could have made herself big, then used her leaping/flying ability to get there in way less time.

END

Janus congratulates Marcus. He’s miniaturized all the weapons that he wanted him to. He figured someone would have found him by now.
Janus makes plans to leave soon—for Washington DC.

THE SCRIPT

INT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – DAY

Milly quietly paws through cupboards and the fridge, looks for something for breakfast.

JUSTIN

Wait! Wait, I’m here.

Justin nearly stumbles on the stairway as he comes down. He’s dressed in nerdy jammies.

Milly giggles as he hurries into the kitchen.

JUSTIN

What’s so funny? Just because I’m not some clod that sleeps in an old T-shirt and yesterday’s underwear.

Milly’s got a woman’s bathrobe on over whatever’s underneath.

JUSTIN

You look a lot better in that than my mom. And speaking of Mom…

He nudges Milly aside from the cupboards.

JUSTIN

She’d be mortified and totally pissed if anything were out of place when she gets home, so I’ll handle the breakfast chores.

INT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – DINING ROOM – LATER

Justin presents Milly with two small pancakes and a big one made up to look like Mickey Mouse, garnished with sausage links.

JUSTIN

A specialty of mine taught to me by my sage father.

He brings butter and syrup. They dig in. As they eat…

JUSTIN

So, you rested enough to tell me anything more about last night?

Milly squirms a little as she eats.

MILLY

I don’t know anything about what happened last night. Seriously, I don’t. It almost seems like just a bad dream now.

JUSTIN

Well trust me, it was bad, but it wasn’t just a dream. So let’s start from the top. The guys that flattened the door. Who were they?

MILLY

I don’t know. They freaked me out though.

JUSTIN

The scream of the century that disabled all of them, and me too.

MILLY

I was just scared, that’s all. I don’t know.

JUSTIN

Well I don’t either, because I’ve seen you scared and heard you scream before, and that never happened to me.

Milly just keeps eating…slowly.

JUSTIN

Okay, the crazy old lady with the super-duper leaf blower who said she was your Granny Sue.

MILLY

I’ve never seen her before. My dad has never mentioned someone named Granny Sue.

JUSTIN

And the instructions? “Make you small”, “make me small”, becoming tiny people.

Milly just shakes her head, continues to eat.

JUSTIN

Let me guess. You don’t know–

MILLY

Look, Justin, I was just following the damn instructions, that’s all,

MILLY

and freaking out right along with you. I don’t know anything about anything!

JUSTIN

(one more try)

When you threw me across the room?

MILLY

I had no idea that was going to happen, but you definitely deserved it.

JUSTIN

Point taken, I’m sure, but–

MILLY

I don’t want to talk about it, okay?!

JUSTIN

Obviously something to be put off for another time. But speaking of instructions…

Justin gets up, grabs the rolled-up sheet of paper that they’d read from the night before. He returns to his seat, reads as he eats.

JUSTIN

Well, we’ve got the first two things right. We went to bed, and now we’re eating breakfast. So now, let’s see…

Milly tries to grab the paper from him.

JUSTIN

Uh-uh-uh. Finish your breakfast.

EXT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – DAY

Milly and Justin walk out with a fair-sized cooler, a grocery bag, and Justin has a small gym bag as well.

He’s dressed in camos like he’s going on an expedition. Milly’s in her same clothes from the day before.

In the back of the pick-up the dirt bike is securely fastened.

JUSTIN

You got the bag for your clothes, right? The instructions say your place won’t be swarming with cops yet.

The truck drives away.

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

The truck stops. Milly gets out. The house, while flattened, hasn’t burned.

Milly’s chest of draws still stands in what’s left of her room. She bags some clothes, dashes back to the truck.

It pulls out.

EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – DAY

It moves quickly down a lonely two-lane highway. Breath-taking views of giant mountain ranges span both sides of it.

MILLY

I’ve got the GPS coordinates locked into my phone like the instructions say. It’s almost two hundred miles away–

JUSTIN

And we’re supposed to be there in less than three hours. A great excuse to make some time!

The truck speeds way up.

JUSTIN

Relax, Mills. It’s daytime, there’s almost nobody on the road, and I’ll see any curves in the road coming from five miles away. And no one’s shooting at us!

EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK (MOVING) – AN HOUR LATER

The truck sputters to a stop on the shoulder. Justin and Milly get out.

JUSTIN

How in the hell could I be out of gas? It was three-quarters full.

MILLY

Over here.

Justin moves to where Milly is, near the truck’s gasoline intake opening. She points to a clean-as-a-whistle bullet hole near it.

JUSTIN

Shit.

MILLY

Probably went right on through into the gas tank.

JUSTIN

Jesus. We’re lucky the whole thing didn’t blow last night.

Milly gives him a “what now” look.

JUSTIN

I just so happen to have remembered the emergency credit card folder that Dad keeps in the house for just these kinds of moments.

He pulls out an AAA membership card, punches a number into his phone. As it rings…

JUSTIN

A tow will be here in no time.

INT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – LATER

Justin and Milly sit glumly. Justin checks his watch.

JUSTIN

Well, maybe in a half hour. Damn! One forgets that the nearest settlement of any kind is over fifty miles away.

Milly sits quietly.

MILLY

It’s okay. There’s nothing else we can do.

JUSTIN

We’ll get behind…

MILLY

You know, this morning when you were asking me all those questions. I lied to you about one of them.

Justin turns with interest.

MILLY

I really didn’t have any idea that I’d throw you across the room, but I can do some pretty weird things like that. Watch this.

She looks to her phone, which is in the console. Suddenly, it whooshes into her hand, which is near the side door window.

JUSTIN

Whoa! Do that again.

Milly looks to the car keys in the ignition. They pull themselves out of the starter, fly into her other hand.

Justin looks to her in amazement.

MILLY

I really don’t know how I can do it, but it’s kinda cool, huh?

JUSTIN

You mean, you’ve got…powers or something? How in the hell…

MILLY

All I know is that a lot of times–and you can’t tell anyone about this ever, okay so swear it–

Justin nods.

JUSTIN

No one. Ever.

MILLY

A lot of times, when my dad used to give me a hug, he says something like “my dear little alien” or something. Weird, huh?

There’s a knock on Justin’s window. It’s the tow truck driver.

EXT. HIGHWAY – MOMENTS LATER

Milly and Justin, helmeted and leather-jacketed, with a small container of food and water tied on, race away on the dirt bike and the tow truck driver drives away with Justin’s car.

EXT. GAS STATION – DAY

Milly fills up Justin’s tank. He bounds out of a restroom, hops on the dirt bike. Milly jumps on. They leave.

MILLY

(as they move away)

We’re not going to make it, you know.

JUSTIN

Just you watch! Hang on tight!

He guns the engine. The dirt bike zooms away at scary speed.

EXT. NARROW HIGHWAY – DAY

Justin and Milly speed along. They pass a sign–The Extraterrestrial Highway.”

MILLY

What’s that mean?

Justin points to the barren desert off to the left.

JUSTIN

Over there! Area 51! You know, where the government’s supposed to have all the ETs locked up and people see UFOs all the time.

MILLY

Freaky-weird, huh?

EXT. NARROW HIGHWAY – LATER

Justin pulls the dirt bike off onto a dirt road. It heads off toward some dry mountains to their right.

JUSTIN

Is this the place?

Milly checks her GPS. No map. No bars on the phone.

MILLY

There’s no cell service here. I’ve lost it.

JUSTIN

Well, I know it’s somewhere around here. How much time we got left?

MILLY

We’re a half hour late.

JUSTIN

Hell. It’s all cuckoo anyway.

He guns the motor and they head to the mountains.

EXT. DIRT ROAD – MOMENTS LATER

Justin stops again.

JUSTIN

This doesn’t look right.

He looks around.

JUSTIN

There! The Lava Craters.

He points to a moonscape sort of area covered with craters, brown lava flows far in the distance to the north.

JUSTIN

I remember now it was the back road to that place. We turned too soon. Hang on. We’re going cross-country.

They take off across the barren, bouncy desert.

EXT. NEAR LAVA CRATERS – LATER

Justin pulls up the dirt bike to a lone odd-looking service truck that sits by the side of the road.

JUSTIN

Hey! We’re here! Anyone in there?

Granny Sue slowly gets out of the truck, comes over to them.

GRANNY SUE

You’re late!

INT. JANUS’S UNDERGROUND COMPOUND – SAME TIME

An exhausted Marcus flops into a chair. He’s handcuffed by a soldier. Janus comes over from a huge control panel area.

JANUS

Finished, I see. Wonderful! And not even any interruptions.

He preens around Marcus, who sweats, pants, flops back in the chair.

JANUS

I’d half expected that at least one of your…family, shall we say, would have been here by now, fighting with my perimeter guards to try and rescue you. Too bad. And now I have all the items I need for my little operation to succeed. So I guess I don’t really need you anymore either.

He nods to the soldier.

JANUS

Take him back to his cell.

(to Marcus)

I’m not fool enough to kill you. You could be so useful to me in the future.

He leans in close just before the soldier hauls Marcus away.

JANUS

So sorry no one made it here in time to rescue you before you completed your task. Apparently they just don’t care.

[Lee Tidball]

30 Day Class – Day 13A

Lee’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1

What I learned doing this assignment is…that I can outline a four page scene and whip it out into the script in just a little over an hour. Not bad—maybe I’m getting the knack of this.

BEGINNING…

INT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK (moving) – NIGHT

Justin drives like a race car driver, despite the darkness. Milly, terrified, rides shotgun. He’s almost out of control, rages on about what just happened, what’s going on.

Milly yells back for him to slow down, he’s going to get them both killed.

They arrive at…

MIDDLE

INT./EXT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

It’s a near-palace. Justin’s parents are rich corporate types. Which means that they’re almost never home, including now.

Justin still rages like a lunatic. He grabs for the cylinder that Milly has, she keeps it away from him. He shoves her to get it, she shoves back. He flies across the room, crashes a wall, bounces off and ends up in an overstuffed recliner. It folds out, etc.

Milly’s aghast. She hadn’t meant to push him at all.

Justin finally calms down.

END

INT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE

Justin asks Milly if she’d please tell him what’s going on.

Milly confesses that she has no idea.

Justin takes the cylinder. Milly lets him. He takes out some rolled paper. ESCAPE INSTRUCTIONS

Item Number 1 is…Get some rest. You’re safe now. Wait until morning.

THE SCRIPT

INT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK (MOVING) – NIGHT

Justin drives like he’s a stock car racer down the road. Milly sits next to him, terrified.

JUSTIN

(yells)

What in the hell was all that?! Just tell me for one second, what in the hell was all that?!

MILLY

(screams)

Justin, Jesus! Slow down! You’re gonna get us both killed.

Justin barrels along, swerves around a curve.

JUSTIN

(yells more)

Get us all killed? Didn’t we already almost get us all killed?! Shit! Suddenly I’m like two inches high, I’m outside, and a couple ants come at me that are the size of Saint Bernards. I get to the grass, and it’s so tall it looks like the jungle. I’m wondering where’s my mini-machete to go with my mini-body! And then, after crossing the Sahara, and staring at a truck built for Paul Bunyon, I’m suddenly full size again, and you’re yelling at me to get in and get out. What the hell’s that all about!

He swerves again. Milly screams and sobs.

MILLY

I don’t know! I don’t know anything about anything! I just did what it said on the paper!

JUSTIN

The paper? Oh yeah, that’s right. The instructions for when your dad doesn’t come home. So how the hell does he know all this and you do all this and “don’t know anything?!”

A truck approaches in the opposite lane, blows his horn. Justin corrects back into his lane.

JUSTIN

(yells re: truck driver)

Shut up, asshole! Who do you think I am, some kind of maniac?!

MILLY

You’re sure driving like one!

JUSTIN

What? So now she speaks!

JUSTIN

But is it to tell me why I was for two minutes the size of my toy army men that I threw away five years ago, or who some old woman that calls herself Granny Sue is and why does she have a backpack vacuum cleaner that blows four full-grown, fully armed men thirty feet into the night, or how in the hell the house we were in less than five minutes ago just exploded and turned into a pile of sticks? No! It’s to tell me that I’m the maniac in this truck.

Justin continues to speed on. On the right in the distance, a place lit up like a baseball stadium at night.

Milly’s distraught, continues to sob.

MILLY

I can’t tell you anything because I don’t know anything! How many times do I have to tell you. I don’t know anything more than you do! I was just doing what the paper said. Slow down and stop screaming at me. You’re going to miss your own house.

Justin hits the brakes. The car skids. He does a hard right.

The truck bounces onto an immaculate driveway in front of a palatial two-story, 4-car garage house with a manicured desert-landscaped front yard surrounded by wrought iron fence with pickets.

EXT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Justin slams the truck’s door, marches toward a side door. Milly follows with the cylinder and the bag of toys.

JUSTIN

Just following instructions, huh?

They go through the door into…

INT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE

The enter into a huge kitchen that opens onto a giant family room with upholstered chairs and a giant flatscreen.

JUSTIN

Well let’s just see what those instructions say now.

He grabs for the cylinder in Milly’s hand.

MILLY

No! Not until you’re acting sane.

JUSTIN

Still think I’m a maniac, huh? Well I’ll show you what–

He grabs for it again. Milly pushes him back…and Justin flies off his feet, over the kitchen counter, and ends up in a big recliner that opens full-out with the impact.

Milly gasps in horror!

MILLY

Oh my god! I had no idea that would happen! I’m so, so sorry.

She goes to him, but Justin puts out a hand, gets himself out of the recliner gingerly. Milly watches, terrified, distraught.

MILLY

Are–are you okay?

JUSTIN

Thoroughly chastised, I’d say.

He stands, feels Milly’s forearm.

JUSTIN

Yeah, quite some muscle there.

MILLY

Justin, I had no idea, no idea–

Justin waves her off, like “it’s okay, forget about it.” He goes to where Milly left the cylinder.

JUSTIN

Seeing as I’m somewhat calmed, might I…?

He holds up the the cylinder. Milly nods.

Justin opens it. A paper slips out. He unrolls it, reads.

JUSTIN

Now that makes more sense than anything I’ve heard all night.

He leaves the paper on the kitchen counter, slowly walks toward a stairway.

JUSTIN

I’ll be in my room. You can have Mom and Dad’s room. They’ll be gone for another week. It’s just down the hall there.

He staggers up the stairs. Milly sees a dark hallway off the kitchen.

She retrieves the paper and the cylinder, reads the first line of the paper.

“INSTRUCTIONS. 1. Go to bed. Get some rest. You’re safe now.”

Milly sighs, heads for the hallway.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 1

What i learned doing today’s lesson is…that, after adding a few scenes and corrections, this story doesn’t sound as stupid as I thought it might. It almost sounds cool! Glad I kept pushing through. I’ll be able to “cheer myself on” a bit better going forward.

Added scenes

A Brief Montage – Milly and Justin at school

BEGINNING – Milly and Justin in their first classes. Milly’s in a lab class. She works alone, carefully examines things, makes notes, etc. Behind her, two other girls gossip, mimiic her working away, giggle. She looks around, sees them, uncomfortably goes back to her work—less diligently.

Justin works on a project in a History class. He’s alone too. Guys behind him mimic him, make fun of him. He rolls his eyes, stays on task.

MIDDLE – Milly jogs steadily around the school track. A gaggle of girls lolly-gag ahead of her. As she passes them, they call out that’s it’s a WALK/run period. Others say that she’s too good to just walk, just sucks up to the teacher. Milly reddens, speeds up to get away from them. Tears seep out.

Justin plays basketball with other guys at PE. He’s a total klutz, but still tries. He attempts a sky hook. It misses totally. Other guys ask what kind of shot was that. He tells them it’s a sky hook, made famous by the great Kareem Abdul-Jabar. The guys have no idea who he’s talking about, laugh it up. Justin says he was one of the greatest players of all time—played with the Lakers in the 80s. The guys laugh even harder. Justin trots away, mumbles about how ignorant people are.

END – Milly gets stuff from her locker, readies to go home. Rah-rah go by, ask her if she’s going to RUN home too. She’s sullen, reddens, then, after they pass, she sends a puff of air their way. It’s strong enough to lift up the girls’ cheerleader skirts right in the hallway. They squeal. Milly smiles.

As Justin leaves hurriedly, a couple guys try to trip him. He makes them miss. He cheers for himself as he leaves school.

Going home in Justin’s truck

BEGINNING – Justin and Milly talk.

MIDDLE – Milly talks about her troubles during the day.

END – Justin tells Milly not to take stuff so hard. Bullies are such pathetic people. She is who she is. Which is way more than those girls are.

FADE IN:

EXT. DESERT – NIGHT

Complete dark, pierced by the light of a flames. They emanate from a burning craft.

It’s crashed.

NEARBY…

Soldiers in camos with night vision equipment burst from a truck, dash toward the crash sight

SOLDIER

Go, go, go!

MOMENTS LATER…

Soldiers tussle with a woman. They’ve thrown a net over her, but she’s fierce, snarls.

Some poke at her with prods that glow with sparks. She flails wildly. Soldiers FLY backwards.

As they struggle, a tall, imposing officer, COMMANDER JANUS, strides into the group. He grabs a prod from a soldier.

JANUS

Give me that!

Janus walks close to the writhing woman, jams the prod into her thigh before she can react.

Her body gyrates uncontrollably, then motionless.

JANUS

Get her to the truck. Restrain her.

Several soldiers move in. Then…

SCOUT SOLDIER

Commander Janus, look! Over there!

Silhouetted by the flames of the burning craft, a man and a small girl run toward the black desert.

JANUS

Quick, you and you, follow me.

They dash toward the running figures. They quickly close the gap between them, but find no one.

Janus shines a light into the night. The others do the same. There’s no one anywhere.

JANUS

Back to the truck.

The soldiers leave. Janus lingers; one last look. Then he leaves.

The fire continues to blaze…and reveals what Janus didn’t see barely a foot from where he stood.

A frightened, bespectacled man, skinny, 30s. Clinging to him, a small child, a girl, 4-5. The blaze glints off her bright green hair.

They crouch behind a rock. But it’s really just a bit bigger than a good-sized throwing rock.

And they’re just over two inches tall.

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY

A quaint country cottage. Watered desert greenery and a sturdy picket fence mark its lawn.

Brown desert stretches out before it, dry foothills and purple mountains rise up behind it.

SUPER: Ten years later…

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE

A modest-sized kitchen dining area.

Breakfast time. MARCUS, a bespectacled middle aged man (same as the tiny man in the previous scene, just older), munches on bacon and eggs, reads from his tablet.

MILLY, 14, cute, slim, bright green hair (the 4-year-old from the previous scene, mostly grown up), enters, dishes herself up the same from pans on the stove.

She sits by Marcus, wolfs down her food.

MILLY

Haven’t left yet?

MARCUS

The bus broke down. They’re sending another driver from the lab.

MILLY

That sounds weird. There always so tight on you about all that.

MARCUS

I’ll be careful. How about you?

Milly finishes, dumps her dishes in the kitchen sink.

MILLY

No bus today. Justin’s coming. I’m going with him.

Marcus eyes her.

MARCUS

Not on the dirt bike?

MILLY

The truck.

The rumble of a not-very-well-tuned engine approaches. The sound of skidding tires.

MILLY

Jesus, he’s here already.

She bustles around, grabs a purse pack and a larger backpack.

MILLY

I’ll do those dishes when I get home.

She steps near Marcus.

MILLY

Come on. Up-up.

Marcus smiles, stands, and he and Milly share a tight embrace.

MILLY

I love you, Daddy. Have a good day. Make sure you come home.

MARCUS

I will as always.

He looks into her eyes.

MARCUS

My dear little alien. Be good out there.

MILLY

I will, and don’t call me that. I’m not like you, you know. I keep telling you that.

Marcus sighs, shakes his head.

MARCUS

One of these days…

MILLY

But not today. Gotta go.

She pulls away, opens the door, then spots her phone on the table. It ZIPS into her hand, she leaves.

INT./EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – DAY

It’s a pretty old beater. Milly hops in. There’s Justin (15-16), long and lanky, red hair, freckles. A happy face.

MILLY

To school, slave.

JUSTIN

Watch it, your mud-jestry.

A sedan approaches along the road that comes in from the desert. Milly sees its Department of Defense markings.

MILLY

Huh. That must be Dad’s ride.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE

Marcus puts dishes in the sink, grabs his things.

His gaze lingers on a shelf filled with miniature weapons, trucks, tanks, etc. They look like they’re from a child’s play set.

He smiles. There’s a honk outside. He heads for the door.

EXT. SCHOOL – DAY

Old adobe-style buildings. There’s two large ones.

Justin parks the beater in a dirt parking lot. He and Milly get out.

JUSTIN

Same time as yesterday?

Milly nods. They fist-bump, head out. Milly goes to one building (signed “Grades K-8”), Justin to the other (“High School”).

INT./EXT. SCHOOL – DAY

BRIEF SERIES OF SHOTS – Milly and Justin at school.

– IN THE LAB, Milly works alone on a lab experiment. Two groups of girls goof around, giggle, mimic how careful she is. Milly turns, reddens as they laugh, goes back to work.

– IN WORLD HISTORY CLASS, Justin works diligently on an intricate map. Guys behind him mimic and mock him, too. He just rolls his eyes at them, continues to work.

– ON THE SCHOOL TRACK, Milly runs alone, passes a huge crowd of girls who walk along, laugh, giggle. One calls out…

SNOOTY GIRL

Hey Speedo! It’s a run/walk class, you know. Tryin’ to make us look slow?

ANOTHER SNOOTY GIRL

Nah, she’s just showing off for that skinny little 7th grader boy that passed us. They’d make a perfect pair.

Milly speeds up. She reddens, tears of anger flow.

– IN THE HIGH SCHOOL GYM, Justin plays basketball with classmates. The real jocks show off, do layups and try to slam dunk. Justin works on his sky hook shot. He misses every one. The jocks laugh.

JOCK 1

What the hell kinda shot’s that?

JUSTIN

It’s a sky hook, made famous by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

JOCK 1

Who the hell’s that?

JOCK 1’S FRIEND

I think he said Jafar, you know, the guy in Aladdin.

They all laugh, shoot some more. Justin does more sky hooks.

JUSTIN

Such ignorance…

– IN THE HALLWAY, Milly grabs stuff out of her locker. The “walking” crowd ambles by.

SNOOTY GIRL

You going to to run home too?

The girls laugh. Milly gives them a wicked glance. As they walk by, she purses her lips, sends a puff of air their way.

The “puff” hits the girls like a sharp gust of wind. Skirts and dresses fly up. Squeals of embarrassment. Milly smiles, leaves.

– IN THE HIGH SCHOOL DOORWAY, a couple “cool” guys try to trip Justin. He makes them miss, cheers as he leaves.

END SERIES OF SHOTS

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – DAY

Milly and Justin meet at the beater.

JUSTIN

How’s the day, Mills.

MILLY

Same old drag.

The get into…

INT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK (MOVING) – MOMENTS LATER

Justin drives.

MILLY

They’re just so mean. Why does everyone have to be so mean?

JUSTIN

That’s probably an unanswerable question. You know that, right?

He turns onto the road that leads out of town.

JUSTIN

You just can’t let them get to you. That’s what they love. At some point, you just have to be you, whatever that is, and say to hell with’em.

MILLY

I try, but it just hurts, you know. And who the hell am I, anyway. I don’t know.

JUSTIN

(professorially)

Perhaps I can be of assistance with that, young Millicent.

MILLY

That’s not my name, Doctor Doofus.

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Justin let’s Milly off, rumbles off as she goes into…

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE

Milly does dishes, then homework.

EXT. DESERT – LATER

Milly goes jogging, occasionally taking long, almost flying leaps.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – LATER

She takes a shower, cleans up, messes around on her phone. She checks her watch.

LATER…

She puts frozen pot pies into the oven, chops fresh veggies. She checks her watch again, makes a phone call on it.

MILLY

Hey Dad, you’re late. You’re never late. This is not allowed. Consequences will result. Cold pot pie…wilted veggies. Seriously, call me. What’s up?

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Milly looks around. The sun’s nearly down behind the mountains.

She goes out into the road, looks both ways.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Milly eats her pot pie as a sit-com plays on TV. She pays no attention to it.

She makes another phone call, hangs up when the message machine answers.

LATER…

Milly reads in the living room, a single light on. She wipes a tear away, tries to focus.

LATER…

Milly checks her phone. It’s midnight. She calls…

MILLY

(through sobs)

Please Daddy, come home. I miss you.

She lays back…

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP! Loud knocks on the door.

Milly leaps up from the recliner, stumbles, falls. She picks herself up, staggers to the door, opens it.

It’s Justin.

JUSTIN

Dang, Mills, it’s time to–

Milly throws her arms around him, bursts into tears. She gasps out barely intelligible words.

MILLY

He didn’t come home. He never came home.

JUSTIN

Whoa-whoa! Easy there. Take it easy there. What–what–what’s wrong?

MILLY

(still sobs)

He never came home, Justin. He always comes home. I don’t know where he is. I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid.

Justin gently peels Milly off of him, looks her in the eye, wipes tears away.

JUSTIN

There, there you go. Who didn’t come home?

MILLY

(perturbed)

Who do you think? Who the hell else lives here?

JUSTIN

Your dad? Your dad didn’t come home?

Milly tearfully nods.

JUSTIN

Well, why not? Where did he go?

Milly’s face twists angrily.

MILLY

How am I supposed to know? You think if I knew I’d be all–crying like this?

JUSTIN

I don’t know! You just said he didn’t come home. I thought maybe he–

MILLY

He left for work in that car from the lab that was out front when we left, and he never came back. He didn’t answer his phone. He didn’t call.

JUSTIN

Well maybe he had to stay over or the car broke down or–

MILLY

(furiously)

My dad always comes home, Justin!

Justin steps inside, moves Milly along with him to the kitchen table. They sit. Milly calms down some.

JUSTIN

Okay, okay. I get it. He didn’t come home and that’s really weird. Did you call anyone else, like the sheriff, or the lab, or–

MILLY

No. I thought about it, but the lab’s number is secret, and the cops wouldn’t do anything. He hadn’t been gone long enough.

Suddenly, Milly’s phone chimes in her cute “Hello Kitty” ring tone). The caller ID says simply “The Lab.” Milly answers.

LAB CALLER

Hello. Is this Milly?

MILLY

Yes.

LAB CALLER

Forgive me but I must ask you some questions to verify your identity.

Lab Caller asks Milly her full name, her address, her father’s phone number, his middle name, then…

LAB CALLER

Who is your mother.

MILLY

Flavia Costner. She’s been dead since before I can remember.

LAB CALLER

So sorry…and thank you. Now that you’re verified, my question is, are you aware of your father Marcus’s whereabouts?

MILLY

No, aren’t you?

LAB CALLER

He didn’t come on the bus yesterday.

MILLY

He got a call that the bus was broken down. Another car came for him. I saw it.

LAB CALLER

Did the caller follow protocols.

MILLY

Yeah. I heard him–it was all the same questions as normal.

LAB CALLER

There appears to be a problem. Your father never came to work yesterday, and access to both his and your numbers were blocked.

MILLY

He never came home either.

Silence, then…

LAB CALLER

I see. We will be working on this from our end. If you wish to contact local authorities, you may, but keep in mind that they will know nothing about anything having to do with your father’s job, where he works or anything else.

MILLY

So will you be–

The line’s dead. Lab Caller’s clicked off. Milly and Justin sit back, silent. Finally…

MILLY

Justin, what do we do now?

JUSTIN

Well, I guess first we should call school and tell them we’re sick.

EXT. FOOTHILL LOOKOUT – HOURS LATER

Dry, dusty, rocky, a few trees. From it, a clear view of Milly’s house, Justin’s truck, etc.

A guy dressed in camouflage sits behind a big rock. A sniper rifle with a sniper-scope is mounted on a nearby log.

The guy talks on a satellite phone.

CAMO GUY

They just got back from going for a drive. The drone tracked them … Nah, nothing. They didn’t find a thing.

INT. UNDERGROUND HANGAR

Janus (ten years older) talks on a small cell phone.

Behind him, two sleek trucks filled with several armed men dressed in black head for the light of an opening hangar door.

A mini-tank type vehicle follows them.

INTERCUT with Camo Guy at the Foothill Lookout.

JANUS

They’ll be there in a few hours–approach from your rear. Wait until dusk, then eliminate everything.

CAMO GUY

Understood.

JANUS

Remember her abilities. You’ll have to physically confirm she’s there.

CAMO GUY

Don’t worry. We’ll take her out, then wipe the place off the map.

He clicks off his phone.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DUSK

The place is mess. Cupboards open, papers all over, books, dishes, clothes lay out all through it.

Justin goes through things in a Marcus’s bedroom.

JUSTIN

(calls out)

Anything ring a bell yet?

MILLY

Not yet. Found anything?

JUSTIN

Just more of the same.

Justin gets up, paces around the room, notes several pictures. He smiles, goes to one, takes it down. Blank wall behind.

He goes to another, then another, then…

JUSTIN

Whoa! Hey Mills? Think this might be it?

Milly appears at the doorway. She sees what Justin sees–something that looks like a safe behind a picture.

MILLY

That’s it! I remember now. He said the stuff was in a safe.

They both examine it. It’s a medium-sized wall safe with a combination lock and a handle. Milly spins the lock’s dial.

MILLY

Great. I have no idea what the combination is. In fact, I don’t think he even said anything about a combination.

She tries the handle. Locked.

MILLY

Damn! He said you could just open it–something about saying open up and you could…

As she continues to jiggle the handle, suddenly it works when she pulls it down. The safe swings open.

The two sit, stunned.

MILLY

What happened? How come it–

JUSTIN

Who cares. There’s a folder inside.

He pulls it out. Written on it in black Sharpie… “In case I don’t come home.”

They look inside. A single sheet of paper. Milly reads.

MILLY

First, call this phone number. Tell the machine that I didn’t come home. Second, put my miniature models into a bag and wait for an old woman to show up. When she does, do as she says. She will also give you some instructions. Leave and follow them.

Milly and Justin give each other confused looks.

MILLY

Third, if anyone else comes before the old woman, they will be there to kill you. Do not let them in. Say to yourself “Make me small.” If someone else is with you, say “Make him small” or “Make her small.” Then leave the house. When you’re safe, say “Restore,” find a vehicle, and leave. The woman will find you and give you your instructions.

Even more confused looks.

MILLY

Fourth, do not deviate from these instructions. When we meet again, I’ll explain everything. Be careful. I love you…

Silence, then…

JUSTIN

What the hell is that all about? Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?

MILLY

No! This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s almost like a joke. I mean…

Suddenly, there’s a loud knock on the door. The two look at each other as if to say “Oh my god!”

JUSTIN

What do we do?

Milly starts to edge toward the foot of the bed they sit on.

JUSTIN

W-w-wait! What’re you doing?

MILLY

Going to answer the door?

She edges off the bed, stands.

JUSTIN

But it says not to let anyone in until the old woman comes, that they’ll kill us.

MILLY

It also says I’m supposed to tell you to become small, and me to become small. It’s all stupid.

She heads for the door. The knocking gets louder.

JUSTIN

That’s not a good idea!

MILLY

What if it’s the old woman? We don’t want to leave her standing out there.

She walks to the door.

JUSTIN

Huh? I never thought of that.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM

MILLY

Coming!

Instantly, the front door CRASHES down. Armed men in black stand in the doorway. Milly SCREAMS!!!

Every window in the room shatters! The men in black cower, drop weapons, cover their ears.

A second later, an old woman, GRANNY SUE, with a curious-looking weapon barges in.

GRANNY SUE

Shut up!

Milly shuts up.

GRANNY SUE

You didn’t follow the instructions, did you? Stupid teenagers. Get back into that room and do what you’re supposed to do. I’ll take care of these fellas. And take these.

She hands Milly a small round metal container.

GRANNY SUE

Do what they say once you’re safe and outta here. I most likely won’t be seein’ you again. Now git!

She shoves Milly back into Marcus’s room, turns just as the men in black recover their weapons.

GRANNY SUE

Begone, morons!

She fires an invisible blast from her weapon. All four of the men in black fly off their feet and into the night as if swept away by a tornado.

Then she sees the tank-like weapon approach out of the dark.

GRANNY SUE

Get the hell away from my granddaughter!

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MARCUS’S ROOM

Milly, half-sobbing, looks to Justin.

MILLY

Make him small!

Justin instantly becomes two inches tall.

MILLY

Holy shit!

She grabs the bag of her father’s military toys and the metal cylinder given to her by Granny Sue.

MILLY

Make me small.

She joins Justin as a mini-person. What she carries is tiny as well. They run from the room.

EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – NIGHT

Milly and Justin materialize at their normal size beside it.

JUSTIN

What the hell! I was almost attacked by some ants that were as big as Saint Bernards! I could have used a machete to get through the grass in the front yard.

MILLY

I don’t know! I have no idea.

They see Granny Sue on top of the tank-like vehicle, weird weapon at the ready.

JUSTIN

Come on. We gotta go!

They jump into the truck. Justin burns rubber as they head toward the desert.

Behind them, an EXPLOSION! The house is flattened instantly.

EXT. FOOTHILL LOOKOUT

Sniper notes the truck’s exit. He turns, aims his rifle at it, fires away. It keeps going, disappears into the dark.

The sniper sights on its headlights. Has them in the crosshairs.

A sudden gust of hurricane-force wind sweeps across his position. The gun flies from his hands. Rocks and dust fly everywhere.

It quickly subsides. After Sniper gets his bearings back, the truck is long gone.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s End of Act 1

What I learned while doing this lesson is…this is not the time to stew about the story or whether it’s any good or not, or will it attract producers or actors or anything else. This is the time to bang out a first draft—nothing else.

Outline – Turning Point 1 scenes

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY

Beginning – Milly and Justin make phone calls. No help.

Middle – Milly and Justin look around through the house for clues. They find little. Milly remembers that years ago, Dad told her that, if there was ever a time that he didn’t come home, he’d left a folder for her of what to do. After some frantic searching, they find it.

End – Instruction say to call a phone number, say that he didn’t come home, that bad men will show up, and then she should do a bunch of impossible things that make no sense.

Locked In

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – EVENING

Beginning – Loud knocking on the door. Milly goes to answer, against the instructions. The door’s blasted in. People in unmarked uniforms charge in.

Middle – And old lady shows up with a shotgun type weapon. She fires it at the intruders. They are blown off their feet, sent flying out the door, etc. She chastises them for not following the instructions.

End – As mayhem continues, Milly and Justin grab the instructions, Milly’s dad’s collection of military miniatures, and then Milly makes each of them just two or three inches tall, and they dash away. Once at Justin’s truck, she re-sizes them, and they drive away.

Script – Turning Point 1

EXT. FOOTHILL LOOKOUT – HOURS LATER

Dry, dusty, rocky, a few trees. From it, a clear view of Milly’s house, Justin’s truck, etc.

A guy dressed in camouflage sits behind a big rock. A sniper rifle with a sniper-scope is mounted on a nearby log.

The guy talks on a satellite phone.

CAMO GUY

They just got back from going for a drive. The drone tracked them … Nah, nothing. They didn’t find a thing.

INT. UNDERGROUND HANGAR

Janus (ten years older) talks on a small cell phone.

Behind him, two sleek trucks filled with several armed men dressed in black head for the light of an opening hangar door.

A mini-tank type vehicle follows them.

INTERCUT with Camo Guy at the Foothill Lookout

JANUS

They’ll be there in a few hours–approach from your rear. Wait until dusk, then eliminate everything.

CAMO GUY

Understood.

JANUS

Remember her abilities. You’ll have to physically confirm she’s there.

CAMO GUY

Don’t worry. We’ll take her out, then wipe the place off the map.

He clicks off his phone.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DUSK

The place is mess. Cupboards open, papers all over, books, dishes, clothes lay out all through it.

Justin goes through things in a Marcus’s bedroom.

JUSTIN

(calls out)

Anything ring a bell yet?

MILLY

Not yet. Found anything?

JUSTIN

Just more of the same.

Justin gets up, paces around the room, notes several pictures. He smiles, goes to one, takes it down. Blank wall behind.

He goes to another, then another, then…

JUSTIN

Whoa! Hey Mills? Think this might be it.

Milly appears at the doorway. She sees what Justin sees–something that looks like a safe behind a picture.

MILLY

That’s it! I remember now. He said the stuff was in a safe.

They both examine it. It’s a medium-sized wall safe with a combination lock and a handle. Milly spins the lock’s dial.

MILLY

Great. I have no idea what the combination is. In fact, I don’t think he even said anything about a combination.

She tries the handle. Locked.

MILLY

Damn! He said you could just open it–something about saying open up and you could…

As she continues to jiggle the handle, suddenly it works when she pulls it down. The safe swings open.

The two sit, stunned.

MILLY

What happened? How come it–

JUSTIN

Who cares. There’s a folder inside.

He pulls it out. Written on it in black Sharpie… “In case I don’t come home.”

They look inside. A single sheet of paper. Milly reads.

MILLY

First, call this phone number. Tell the machine that I didn’t come home. Second, put my miniature models into a bag and wait for an old woman to show up. When she does, do as she says. She will also give you some instructions. Leave and follow them.

Milly and Justin give each other confused looks.

MILLY

Third, if anyone else comes before the old woman, they will be there to kill you. Do not let them in. Say to yourself “Make me small.” If someone else is with you, say “Make him small” or “Make her small.” Then leave the house. When you’re safe, say “Restore,” find a vehicle, and leave. The woman will find you and give you your instructions.

Even more confused looks.

MILLY

Fourth, do not deviate from these instructions. When we meet again, I’ll explain everything. Be careful. I love you…

Silence, then…

JUSTIN

What the hell is that all about? Do you have any idea what he’s talking about?

MILLY

No way! This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s almost like a joke. I mean…

Suddenly, there’s a loud knock on the door. The two look at each other as if to say “Oh my god!”

JUSTIN

What do we do?

Milly starts to edge toward the foot of the bed they sit on.

JUSTIN

W-w-wait! What’re you doing?

MILLY

Going to answer the door?

She edges off the bed, stands.

JUSTIN

But it says not to let anyone in until the old woman comes, that they’ll kill us.

MILLY

It also says I’m supposed to tell you to become small, and me to become small. It’s all stupid.

She heads for the door. The knocking gets louder.

JUSTIN

That’s not a good idea!

MILLY

What if it’s the old woman? We don’t want to leave her standing out there.

She walks to the door.

JUSTIN

Huh? I never thought of that.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM

MILLY

Coming!

Instantly, the front door CRASHES down. Armed men in black stand in the doorway. Milly SCREAMS!!!

Every window in the room shatters! The men in black cower, drop weapons, cover their ears.

A second later, an old woman, GRANNY SUE, with a curious-looking weapon barges in.

GRANNY SUE

Shut up!

Milly shuts up.

GRANNY SUE

You didn’t follow the instructions, did you? Stupid teenagers. Get back into that room and do what you’re supposed to do. I’ll take care of these fellas. And take these.

She hands Milly a small round metal container.

GRANNY SUE

Do what they say once you’re safe and outta here. I most likely won’t be seein’ you again. Now git!

She shoves Milly back into Marcus’s room, turns just as the men in black recover their weapons.

GRANNY SUE

Begone, morons!

She fires an invisible blast from her weapon. All four of the men in black fly off their feet and into the night as if swept away by a tornado.

Then she sees the tank-like weapon approach out of the dark.

GRANNY SUE

Get the hell away from my granddaughter!

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MARCUS’S ROOM

Milly, half-sobbing, looks to Justin.

MILLY

Make him small!

Justin instantly becomes two inches tall.

MILLY

Holy shit!

She grabs the bag of her father’s military toys and the metal cylinder given to her by Granny Sue.

MILLY

Make me small.

She joins Justin as a mini-person. What she carries is tiny as well. They run from the room.

EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – NIGHT

Milly and Justin materialize at their normal size beside it. The jump in, Justin burns rubber as they head toward the desert.

Behind them, and EXPLOSION! The house is flattened instantly.

EXT. FOOTHILL LOOKOUT

Sniper notes the truck’s exit. He turns, aims his rifle at it, fires away. It keeps going, disappears into the dark.

The sniper sights on its headlights. Has them in the crosshairs.

A sudden gust of hurricane-force wind sweeps across his position. The gun flies from his hands. Rocks and dust fly everywhere.

It quickly subsides. After Sniper gets his bearings back, the truck is long gone.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Inciting Incident

What I learned doing this assignment is…is that I did better today, but still not good enough. Still too much going back, making changes, but I was better with not stopping to think so much. I remind myself more, and try to straighten out my self-talk.

Outline – Inciting Incident

BEGINNING – Milly and Justin go to school. Millie comes home. Dad’s not there.

MIDDLE – Milly does homework, fixes dinner, watches TV, peers outside several times, makes phone calls. Dad doesn’t respond.

END – It’s midnight. Dad hasn’t come home.

Reaction to Inciting Incident

BEGINNING – Milly calls the lab, gets an answering machine. She calls the police. Not much help. She whispers a plea outside into the night for someone to help. She falls asleep on the couch.

An old woman in a prison cell wakes up, as if she’s heard something.

MIDDLE – Milly wakes up when Justin bangs on the door next morning. Someone calls from the lab. Marcus never showed up at work the day before.

END – Justin ditches school, stays with Milly, etc.

INT./EXT. JUSTIN’S TRUCK – DAY

It’s a pretty old beater. Milly hops in. There’s Justin (15-16), long and lanky, red hair, freckles. A happy face.

MILLY

To school, slave.

JUSTIN

Watch it, your mud-jestry.

EXT. SCHOOL. – DAY

Old adobe-style buildings. There’s two large ones.

Justin parks the beater in a dirt parking lot. He and Milly get out.

JUSTIN

Same time as yesterday?

Milly nods. They fist-bump, head out. Milly goes to one building (signed “Grades K-8”), Justin to the other (“High School”).

BRIEF MONTAGE – Milly and Justin at school (fill in later)

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT – DAY

Milly and Justin meet at the beater, take off.

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Justin let’s Milly off, rumbles off as she goes into…

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE

Milly does dishes, then homework, goes jogging, occasionally taking long, almost flying leaps.

LATER…

She takes a shower, cleans up, messes around on her phone. She checks her watch.

LATER…

She puts frozen pot pies into the oven, chops fresh veggies. She checks her watch again, makes a phone call on it.

MILLY

Hey Dad, you’re late. You’re never late. This is not allowed. Consequences will result. Cold pot pie…wilted veggies. Seriously, call me. What’s up?

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

Milly checks looks around. The sun’s nearly down behind the mountains.

She goes out into the road, looks both ways.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Milly eats her pot pie as a sit-com plays on TV. She pays no attention to it.

She makes another phone call, hangs up when the message machine answers.

LATER…

Milly reads in the living room, a single light on. She wipes a tear away, tries to focus.

LATER…

Milly checks her phone. It’s midnight. She calls…

MILLY

(through sobs)

Please Daddy, come home. I miss you.

She lays back…

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP! Loud knocks on the door.

Milly leaps up from the recliner, stumbles, falls. She picks herself up, staggers to the door, opens it.

It’s Justin.

JUSTIN

Dang, Mills, it’s time to–

Milly throws her arms around him, bursts into tears. She gasps out barely intelligible words.

MILLY

He didn’t come home. He never came home.

JUSTIN

Whoa-whoa! Easy there. Take it easy there. What–what–what’s wrong?

MILLY

(still sobs)

He never came home, Justin. He always comes home. I don’t know where he is. I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid.

Justin gently peels Milly off of him, looks her in the eye, wipes tears away.

JUSTIN

There, there you go. Who didn’t come home?

MILLY

(perturbed)

Who do you think? Who else the hell lives here?

JUSTIN

Your dad? Your dad didn’t come home?

Milly tearfully nods.

JUSTIN

Well, why not? Where did he go?

Milly’s face twists angrily.

MILLY

How am I supposed to know? You think if I knew I’d be all–crying like this?

JUSTIN

I don’t know! You just said he didn’t come home. I thought maybe he–

MILLY

He left for work in that car from the lab that was out front when we left, and he never came back. He didn’t answer his phone. He didn’t call.

JUSTIN

Well maybe he had to stay over or the car broke down or–

MILLY

(furiously)

My dad always comes home, Justin!

Justin steps inside, moves Milly along with him to the kitchen table. They sit. Milly calms down some.

JUSTIN

Okay, okay. I get it. He didn’t come home and that’s really weird. Did you call anyone else, like the sheriff, or the lab, or–

MILLY

No. I thought about it, but the lab’s number is secret, and the cops wouldn’t do anything. He hadn’t been gone long enough.

Suddenly, Milly’s phone chimes in her cute ring tone (name it sometime). The caller ID says simply “The Lab.” Milly answers.

LAB CALLER

Hello. Is this Milly?

MILLY

Yes.

Milly then rattles off five different answers to clues to identify herself. After that…

LAB CALLER

Are you aware of your father Marcus’s whereabouts?

MILLY

No, aren’t you?

LAB CALLER

He didn’t come on the bus yesterday.

MILLY

He got a call that the bus was broken down. Another car got him. I saw him leave.

LAB CALLER

Did the caller follow protocols.

MILLY

Yeah. I heard him–it was all the same questions.

LAB CALLER

There appears to be a problem. Your father never came to work yesterday, and access to both his and your numbers were blocked.

MILLY

He never came home either.

Silence, then…

LAB CALLER

I see. We will be working on this from our end. If you wish to contact local authorities, you may, but keep in mind that they will know nothing about anything having to do with your father’s job, where he works or anything else.

MILLY

So will you be–

The line’s dead. Lab Caller’s clicked off. Milly and Justin sit back, silent. Finally…

MILLY

Justin, what do we do now?

JUSTIN

Well, I guess first we should call school and tell them we’re sick.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Act 1 – Opening Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…that I didn’t do too bad on just writing, but I still need work on 1) not going back over things, and 2) not stopping to think too much. Writing the scenes took me too long, I think.

Outlines of opening scenes

Scene 1 – Meet Janus (Antagonist)

EXT. THE DESERT – NIGHT

A troop of men race to a fiery wreck of some kind of craft.

They try to subdue a writhing, angry woman who’s restrained by netting, but still fights.

Janus, furious, rushes in, stabs at the woman with a rod that emits long electric sparks, like lightning.

The woman passes out. Someone yells.

Janus sees two others, a man and a child, who run away from the wreck.

He orders illumination. He and others dash after them.

They suddenly disappear. Janus and his men are confounded, but leave.

What they don’t see is the man and the little girl, now no taller than a couple inches, cowering behind a small rock.

Scene 2 – Meet Milly (Protagonist) and Rudi (her father)

SUPER – Ten years later

They eat breakfast, prepare for the day. All is normal. He talks about the lab he works at, she about school and JUSTIN, her friend.

On a display shelf is a bunch of very realistic miniature weapons, trucks, tanks, etc. that look very real.

They’re ready to part. He says “Until tonight, my darling alien”. She rebukes him. She’s not that. She’s a normal human. Very normal. He sighs.

They leave, she with Justin who pulls up on a dirt bike. He in his beater car.

FADE IN:

EXT. DESERT – NIGHT

Complete dark, pierced by the light of a flames. They emanate from a burning craft.

It’s crashed.

NEARBY…

Soldiers in camos with night vision equipment burst from a truck, dash toward the crash sight

SOLDIER

Go, go, go!

MOMENTS LATER…

Soldiers tussle with a woman. They’ve thrown a net over her, but she’s fierce, snarls.

Some poke at her with prods that glow with sparks. She flails wildly. Soldiers FLY backwards.

As they struggle, a tall, imposing officer, COMMANDER JANUS, strides into the group. He grabs a prod from a soldier.

JANUS

Give me that!

Janus walks close to the writhing woman, jams the prod into her thigh before she can react.

Her body gyrates uncontrollably, then motionless.

JANUS

Get her to the truck. Restrain her.

Several soldiers move in. Then…

SCOUT SOLDIER

Commander Janus, look! Over there!

Silhouetted by the flames of the burning craft, a man and a small girl run toward the black desert.

JANUS

Quick, you and you, follow me.

The dash toward the running figures. They quickly close the gap between them, but find no one.

Janus shines a light into the night. The others do the same. There’s no one anywhere.

JANUS

Back to the truck.

The soldiers leave. Janus lingers; one last look. Then he leaves.

The fire continues to blaze…and reveals what Janus didn’t see barely a foot from where he stood.

A frightened, bespectacled man, skinny, 30s. Clinging to him, a small child, a girl, 4-5. The blaze glints off her bright green hair.

They crouch behind a rock. But it’s really just a bit bigger than a good-sized throwing rock.

And they’re just over two inches tall.

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY

A quaint country cottage. Watered desert greenery and a sturdy picket fence mark its lawn.

Brown desert stretches out before it, dry foothills and purple mountains rise up behind it.

SUPER: Ten years later…

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE

A modest-sized kitchen dining area.

Breakfast time. MARCUS, a bespectacled middle aged man (same as the tiny man in the previous scene, just older), munches on bacon and eggs, reads from his tablet.

MILLY, 14, cute, slim, bright green hair (the 4-year-old from the previous scene, mostly grown up), enters, dishes herself up the same from pans on the stove.

She sits by Marcus, wolfs down her food.

MILLY

Haven’t left yet?

MARCUS

The bus broke down. They’re sending another driver from the lab.

MILLY

That sounds weird. There always so tight on you about all that.

MARCUS

I’ll be careful. How about you?

Milly finishes, dumps her dishes in the kitchen sink.

MILLY

No bus today. Justin’s coming. I’m going with him.

Marcus eyes her.

MARCUS

Not on the dirt bike?

MILLY

The truck.

The rumble of a not-very-well-tuned engine approaches. The sound of skidding tires.

MILLY

Jesus, he’s here already.

She bustles around, grabs a purse pack and a larger backpack.

MILLY

I’ll do those dishes when I get home.

She steps near Marcus.

MILLY

Come on. Up-up.

Marcus smiles, stands, and he and Milly share a tight embrace.

MILLY

I love you, Daddy. Have a good day. Make sure you come home.

MARCUS

I will as always.

He looks into her eyes.

MARCUS

My dear little alien. Be good out there.

MILLY

I will, and don’t call me that. I’m not like you, you know. I keep telling you that.

Marcus sighs, shakes his head.

MARCUS

One of these days…

MILLY

But not today. Gotta go.

She pulls away, opens the door, then spots her phone on the table. It ZIPS into her hand, she leaves.

Marcus shakes his head. He puts dishes in the sink, grabs his things. His gaze lingers on a shelf filled with miniature weapons, trucks, tanks, etc. They look like they’re from a child’s play set.

He smiles. There’s a honk from outside. He heads for the door.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Beat Sheet Draft 2

What I learned doing this assignment is…is that this story is far from perfect yet—some big plot holes and story logic issues, but I think the BASIC structure is sound.

Story Theme(s)

– You can never be “you” until you accept yourself for who you are: gifts, talents, warts, and all. – If good outstanding people aren’t willing to STAND OUT, evil most certainly will, and fill the void.<div>

Antagonist’s Journey

– Has been preparing for this moment for years. He was there when Milly’s family came to Earth, helped capture Milly’s mom, was an officer at Area 51, etc. </div><div>

– He kidnaps Milly’s dad, shows him that his wife is alive—as long as he cooperates.

– He sends assassins to kill Milly at the same time.

– They “eliminate” Milly’s grandma.

– When Milly’s not killed, various assassins of his follow Milly and Justin, make several attempts to covertly kill them.

– He sends a shape-shifter to impersonate Justin, nearly kills her.

– He easily defeats Milly’s attack.

– He nearly kills Milly’s Dad in the climax.

– Milly defeats him. He’s taken into custody.

HIGH SPEED BEAT SHEET #2 – Incorporating Theme and Antagonist Journey

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY

Opening – Milly goes through her morning routine with her father. They are very affectionate and open until…

Theme – Millie’s doing some supernatural thing while she gets ready for school.

AS THEY PART…

TE 1 – Milly’s Dad calls her something like “my darling little alien.” Milly rebukes him, tells him not to call her that.

Theme – Dad sighs, shakes his head as she leaves—and the door opens by itself.

She heads off to school, he to his work at a local research lab.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Inciting Incident – After Milly comes home, she finds that her Dad doesn’t come home. Not for all night.

EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – DAY (MONTAGE)

TE 2 – She and friend Justin call the lab, police, etc. Lab says that her dad never worked there. Police offer no help.

INT./EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Turning Point – TE 3 –Next night, unknown assailants show up at the house, along with a heavily armed old woman. She says she’s Milly’s grandmother. She says Milly’s Dad’s been kidnapped, taken to (some place), they must leave now, and not to forget her dad’s collection of “toys”, miniature weapons and military vehicles.

Theme – Sometime in this scene, Grandma tells Milly that she’s an outstanding person, but if she won’t care enough to stand out, the bad guys surely will.

There’s a fierce fight. Milly and Justin escape. Grandma holds off assailants, fate is unknown.

Act 2

INT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – DAY

New plan – Justin steals one of his parents credit cards and some cash. They head out for (some place) where Granny said Dad was hidden.

PLACEHOLDER – Justin has to be around 16—can drive but probably just with permit, or maybe just got a license. How do they move about—car, dirt bike, etc. Do parents stop payment on credit cards, does Justin know the PIN and withdraw a bunch of cash.

EXT. THE COUNTRYSIDE – DAY

TE 3 – Very little goes right. They run out of gas, use the credit card, find they’re chased by unknown assailants. They barely escape (because of something quasi-miraculous that Milly does unawares).

INT. JANUS’S LAIR/LAB – DAY

Janus calls off his assailants, thinks that he might be able to use Milly like he’s using her father, only more.

Theme – Justin asks Milly about something amazing that she does; how’d she do that. She shrugs it off—it was nothing. The only thing outstanding about her is her green hair.

EXT. DESERT – DAY

Midpoint – TE 4 – Milly discovers that saying “the magic words” causes her fathers “toys” to become life-sized and functional.

Act 3

EXT. SECRET LAB – DAY

Rethink everything – Milly and Justin, using new knowledge, arm themselves with “toy” weapons and vehicles. They go to where there dad’s being held.

PLACEHOLDER – I’m thinking maybe there’s a Jeep, some guns, maybe even a tank? But they’re all of an older vintage, which the kinds don’t understand.

EXT. SECRET LAB – DAY

A reconnaissance of the area, various obstacles to overcome.

INT./EXT. SECRET LAB – DAY

New Plan (using new ways) – Milly and Justin attack the place where Dad is being held.

INT./EXT. SECRET LAB – DAY

Janus can undo the “magic” that made toys come to life. Or he launches a counterattack with much more modern weapons, even futuristic weapons.

TE 5 – Attack fails miserably. Justin and Milly are captured, thrown into a cell.

Act 4

INT. JAIL CELL – NIGHT

TE 6 – Milly’s “dead” mother is in the cell with Milly and Justin.

Theme – She reminds Milly of who she really is (a human alien with amazing abilities). She advises Milly how to unlock them—she’s their only hope.

INT. JAIL CELL – NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER – Mother was captured by Janus years ago. Dad didn’t find out about it until a few days ago.

INT. – SECRET LAB – DAY

Janus tries to coerce Milly into joining him. If she doesn’t, he’ll kill Justin.

INT./EXT. SECRET LAB

Janus begins his plan to take over US with a demonstration of his deadly future-weapons, operated by Milly’s father.

INT./EXT. SECRET LAB

Climax – Milly, fully accepting who she is, uses her abilities to defeat Janus and his minions and free her father, mother, and Justin.

INT. SECRET LAB – DAY

Janus is turned over to government authorities..

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY

Resolution – Back home, Milly jokes with Justin about maybe she’ll become a superhero, and he could be her sidekick.

Theme – Milly’s embraced her true self, excited about her new life, unafraid to “stand out” when needed.

</div>

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s High-Speed Writing Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment…is that if I keep at it and don’t stop to think too much, I can accomplish this relatively quickly, and it even makes sense.

HIGH SPEED BEAT SHEET

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY

Opening – Milly goes through her morning routine with her father. They are very affectionate and open until…

AS THEY PART…

TE 1 – Milly’s Dad calls her something like “my darling little alien.” Milly rebukes him, tells him not to call her that. He says it’s only the truth—someday she’ll accept it.

She heads off to school, he to his work at a local research lab.

INT. MILLY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Inciting Incident – After Milly comes home, she finds that her Dad doesn’t come home. Not for all night.

EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – DAY (MONTAGE)

TE 2 – She and friend Justin call the lab, police, etc. Lab says that her dad never worked there. Police offer no help. Justin says they should go look for him. Milly says that’s crazy.

INT./EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Turning Point – TE 3 –Next night, unknown assailants show up at the house, along with a heavily armed old woman. She says she’s Milly’s grandmother. She says Milly’s Dad’s been kidnapped, taken to (some place), they must leave now, and not to forget her dad’s collection of “toys”, miniature weapons and military vehicles. There’s a fierce fight. Milly and Justin escape. Grandma holds off assailants, fate is unknown.

Act 2

INT. JUSTIN’S HOUSE – DAY

New plan – Justin steals one of his parents credit cards and some cash. They head out for (some place) where Granny said Dad was hidden.

PLACEHOLDER – Justin has to be around 16—can drive but probably just with permit, or maybe just got a license. How do they move about—car, dirt bike, etc. Do parents stop payment on credit cards, does Justin know the PIN and withdraw a bunch of cash.

EXT. THE COUNTRYSIDE – DAY

TE 3 – Very little goes right. They run out of gas, use the credit card, find they’re chased by unknown assailants. They barely escape (because of something quasi-miraculous that Milly does unawares).

EXT. DESERT – DAY

Midpoint – TE 4 – Milly discovers that saying “the magic words” causes her fathers “toys” to become life-sized and functional.

Act 3

EXT. SECRET LAB – DAY

Rethink everything – Milly and Justin, using new knowledge, arm themselves with “toy” weapons and vehicles. They go to where there dad’s being held.

PLACEHOLDER – I’m thinking maybe there’s a Jeep, some guns, maybe even a tank? But they’re all of an older vintage, which the kids don’t understand.

EXT. SECRET LAB – DAY

A reconnaissance of the area, various obstacles to overcome.

INT./EXT. SECRET LAB – DAY

New Plan (using new ways) – Milly and Justin attack the place where Dad is being held.

INT./EXT. SECRET LAB – DAY

Antagonist can undo the “magic” that made toys come to life. Or he launches a counterattack with much more modern weapons, even futuristic weapons.

TE 5 – Attack fails miserably. Justin and Milly are captured, thrown into a cell.

Act 4

INT. JAIL CELL – NIGHT

TE 6 – Milly’s “dead” mother is in the cell with Milly and Justin. She reminds Milly of who she really is (a human alien with amazing abilities). She advises Milly how to unlock them—she’s their only hope.

INT. JAIL CELL – NIGHT

PLACEHOLDER – Mother was captured by Janus years ago. Dad didn’t find out about it until a few days ago.

INT./EXT. – SECRET LAB – DAY

Climax – Milly, fully accepting who she is, uses her abilities to defeat Janus and his minions and free her father.

INT. SECRET LAB – DAY

Government authorities show up to shut down the lab, haul off Janus.

EXT. MILLY’S HOUSE – DAY

Resolution – Back home, Milly jokes with Justin about maybe she’ll become a superhero, and he could be her sidekick.

[Lee Tidball]

30 Day Class – Day 6A

Lee’s Transformational Events

What I learned doing this assignment is…That my story continues to evolve and grow as I add new things. This lesson made me think a lot about what the story is REALLY about.

Concept – After her scientist father is kidnapped and vanishes without a trace and the authorities act as if he never existed, Millie, a young teenager, and her friend Justin set out to find him, guided only by the vague words of her dying grandma.

Main Conflict – Milly’s father’s been kidnapped for his unique inventions that will give megalomaniacal general Janus virtually limitless power. Unbeknownst to Milly, she’s literally the only one who can stop him.

Old Ways – Milly thinks of herself as just a normal person, and a shy, quiet, small one at that. There’s nothing remarkable about her at all

New Ways – Milly is actually a powerful alien human with amazing abilities—if she’ll accept that fact and believe in herself.

Steps to getting from Old Ways to New Ways

– Knowledge of what the new ways are. She’s really an alien human with incredible powers, but refuses to believe it. <div>

– An event that takes Milly out of the normal routine.

– A challenge to take initial action.

– An act that compels her to take action:

– Utter failure of the Old Ways: Milly has to try something different or quit.

– A new plan is devised, incorporating use of some of Milly’s and her father’s powers.

– Milly needs to hit rock bottom: The new plan fails. Milly’s utterly discouraged, angry, defeated.

– A catalyst to become her true self, stop resisting and start believing.

– Milly becomes her true self by letting go of her disbelief and fear and embracing who she really is.

Four Act Structure – with Transformational Events

Act 1

Opening – Milly’s going through a normal day. She’s close to her father, who calls her “my darling little alien,” her friend Justin, etc. We find out that her mother died years ago. Mention is made of her father’s intricately made toys. Transformational event 1: Gets angry when Dad calls her “his darling little alien” and repudiates what he says about her.
Inciting Incident – Milly returns from school. Transformational Event 2: Dad doesn’t come home. She calls the police. There’s no record of his name or who he is. They want to take her in. Transformational Event 3: She calls Justin. He says why don’t they go look for him then. Milly says that’s crazy. </div><div>

Turning point – Transformational Event 4: Next day, Milly’s Granny Sue shows up. So do unknown assailants. Granny tells Milly where her Dad is, and she’s the only one that can save him. Assailants close in. As Granny holds them off, Milly and Justin must leave or be killed. Granny insists they take Dad’s toy collection, say magic words. Granny’s killed as the two go.

Act 2

New Plan – Milly and Justin snag Justin’s Dad’s credit card, then leave town on his dirt bike (or car).
Plan in action – Transformational Event 5: They crash the dirt bike, run out of gas, etc., buy bus tickets, but none stop where they have to go. Milly experiments with “using her power,” but has no success. Janus has men shadowing them. He’s also got Milly’s dad busy in a secret lab. A giant tank becomes no bigger than a toy.
Midpoint Turning Point – Transformational Event 6: Milly discovers that if she says “the magic words” while holding one of Dad’s model toys, it becomes life-sized and real.

Act 3

Rethink everything – Using the vehicle and weapons that were once toys, Milly and Justin make it to their destination. </div><div>

New plan (using New Ways) – Milly and Justin attack the compound where her Dad’s being held. At first, success, but when General Janus has them where he wants them, he says “a magic word” and all of Milly’s new-found equipment turns back into toy size again.
Turning point; “All is lost…” Huge failure/Major shift – Transformational Event 7: Milly and Justin are captured.
Transformational Event 8: Milly’s mom is in the cell with her. She reminds Milly of who she really is—and how much she’s needed now.

Act 4

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Transformational Event 9: Milly makes full use of her innate powers to defeat General Janus and destroy his plans. </div>

Resolution – Milly embraces who she really is…but still keeps it a secret.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s 4-Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is…that this process continues to challenge me to improve and evolve my story into something that will be both action-packed and heartwarming.

Concept – After her scientist father is kidnapped and vanishes without a trace and the authorities act as if he never existed, Millie, a young teenager, and her friend Justin set out to find him, guided only by the vague words of her dying grandma.

Main Conflict – Milly’s father’s been kidnapped for his unique inventions that will give megalomaniacal general Janus virtually limitless power. Unbeknownst to Milly, she’s literally the only one who can stop him.

Old Ways – Milly thinks of herself as just a normal person, and a shy, quiet, small one at that. There’s nothing remarkable about her at all

New Ways – Milly is actually a powerful alien human with amazing abilities—if she’ll accept that fact and believe in herself.

Act 1

Opening – Milly’s going through a normal day. She’s close to her father, who calls her “my darling little alien,” her friend Justin, etc. We find out that her mother died years ago. Mention is made of her father’s intricately made toys, and she and her father joke about how cool it would be if they could suddenly become real. Father says maybe if she just says some magic words. <div>

Inciting Incident – Milly returns from school. Dad doesn’t come home. She calls the police. There’s no record of his name or who he is. They want to take her in. She calls Justin. He says why don’t they go look for him then. Milly says that’s crazy.

Turning point – Next day, Milly’s Granny Sue shows up. So do unknown assailants (assailants are from General Janus—he calls off regular law enforcement). Granny tells Milly where her Dad is, and she’s the only one that can save him. Assailants close in. As Granny holds them off, Milly and Justin must leave or be killed. Granny insists they take Dad’s toy collection, say magic words. Granny’s killed as the two go.

Act 2

New Plan – Milly and Justin snag Justin’s Dad’s credit card, then leave town on his dirt bike (or car). </div><div>

Plan in action – They crash the dirt bike, run out of gas, etc., buy bus tickets, but none stop where they have to go. Milly experiments with “using her power,” but has no success. Janus has men shadowing them. He’s also got Milly’s dad busy in a secret lab. A giant tank becomes no bigger than a toy.

Midpoint Turning Point – Milly discovers that if she says “the magic words” while holding one of Dad’s model toys, it becomes life-sized and real.

Act 3

Rethink everything – Using the vehicle and weapons that were once toys, Milly and Justin make it to their destination. </div><div>

New plan (using New Ways) – Milly and Justin attack the compound where her Dad’s being held. At first, success, but when General Janus has them where he wants them, he says “a magic word” and all of Milly’s new-found equipment turns back into toy size again.

Turning point; “All is lost…” Huge failure/Major shift – Milly and Justin are captured. Janus prepares to move his miniature army with its futuristic weapons to consummate his diabolical plans.

Act 4

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Milly uses innate power that she’s always been told she has but just played around with now to focus on freeing herself, Justin, and her father. Despite General Janus being somewhat prepared, he’s no match for Milly.
Resolution – Milly defeats General Janus and his little army, frees everyone. She also finds her mother, who disappeared years ago, and is the leverage Janus had of Milly’s dad for so long.
</div>

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Character Interviews

What I learned doing this lesson…is how revealing it is to have this kind of “conversation” with my characters. I was finding out all kinds of things that really help flesh out the story more and make it all way more cohesive and complete.

Milly – Protagonist.

Q – Tell me about yourself?

M – My name’s Milly. I’m a girl, obviously. I’ll turn 13 in December so I’m in 7th grade. I’m an “only”—that means I’m the only child that my parents had—so it gets kind of lonely since I live out in the country and my dad works in his lab all day and it’s in this secret place that I’m not supposed to go to. I’m a little over 5 feet tall, which is pretty short. I go to school at a country school where there’s kids from kindergarten all the way to 8th grade. I like it because during lunch I can help out in the little kids’ classroom with my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Gibson. She’s nice. Umm, my best friend is Justin. Actually he’s about my only friend. All the other girls in my class are girly-girls who just gossip and giggle and talk about boys, which is stupid, or I just don’t get on with any of them much. Justin’s fun cuz he’s kind of a geek like me. He likes to do cool stuff like ride his dirt bike and go exploring and stuff, but he’s also super smart, which is cool because I am too. He’s dorky too and makes me laugh cuz he’s kind of a klutz and when he tries to do sports he messes all up. He just thinks it’s funny, but I get mad when the other boys make fun of him. It’s cool too because he lives in the country too and can ride his dirt bike to my house and we can hang out and do stuff and finish homework some days while my dad’s at his lab.

Q – Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?

M – Well, I’m the only one that actually believes that’s my dad is missing, so I guess that’s why I have to do it. I mean, everyone else just all of a sudden seems to have never heard of him, almost like he’s was never around. It makes me mad, and I really got pissed at the people in the police station when they said that when Justin and me went there to file a missing person’s report. They just said “We have no record of a man named Dr. Sparks Johnson living in the area.” Dumb, I know, but they just kept saying that. They even said that my dad’s name was James Johnson and that he’d gone on a business trip like he always did and would be back the same night. Me and Justin got suspicious so we waited that night and some guy did show up, but he had a gun and we took off and never looked back. Now we’ve got to get my Grandma Sue out of prison so she can help us find Daddy. She’s all badass and did something awful—Daddy’d never tell me—so they put her in some super-prison up in Colorado or something.

I guess another reason I’m the one doing this is that I’m the only one that knows about Daddy’s toy room where he’s got all his toys. There’s guns and trucks and cars and weird-looking things and they look like totally way cool—almost like they were the real thing, only really small. He’d tell me that wouldn’t it be cool if I could just say a magic word and they’d become real. I used to dream about that, but of course he was just being silly and he never told me any magic words. But I always thought there was something special about them, so me and Justin took’em with us before we left.

Q – You are up against General Janus, who’s kidnapped your father. What is it about him that makes this journey even more difficult for you?

M – Well, obviously he’s a retired military general for one thing, and knows all about killing people. And he’s got a bunch of other military-type people that help him out. And his home might be like some kind of fort, but nobody knows for sure. He’s pretty slick too. I guess he lies a lot, but he makes them sound so much like the truth that you almost think he’s being straight up. And he acts all nice and charming and whatever, so you got to be careful or he’ll schmooze you into doing whatever he wants. Usually, I can spot a lying SOB from a mile away, but I’ll have to be careful with this guy because I’m a sucker for nice people too.

Q – In order to survive this, you’re going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?

M – Well, I’m gonna have to change just about everything. I mean, about the only thing that’s NOT changed is that I’m doing everything with Justin. But other than that, everything’s different. We got to go on the road, we got to break my Granny Sue out of this super prison, and I got no idea how we’ll do that, and then we have to find where this General Janus lives, because he’s the guy Daddy and everyone at his lab was afraid would try and get whatever Daddy made there, and then we’ll have to find out what’s happened to Daddy, and if he’s been kidnapped we’ll have to free him somehow, and shoot, I got no idea how to do any of that. I hope Granny Sue is as badass as Daddy always said so she can show us what to do. I think the worst thing might be that I’ll have to learn about using guns and stuff, and that if I don’t learn that, Daddy might get killed. Rumor is that this General Janus can be really ruthless, and if he does have Daddy, the only way to save him might be to shoot people. Of course, I don’t have anything to shoot with…yet anyway. It makes me kind of nervous, you know…

Q – What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?

M – Probably just the whole idea of being a kid and hanging out and just doing normal stuff and all. That’s the biggest one. But the hardest one will be to really take charge and actually DO something rather than just walking away from a problem. Somewhere here, I think that if me and Justin don’t actually DO some stuff, like maybe some really nasty, violent stuff, that we’ve never done before, we’ll never get Daddy back, and I could never live with that, so I guess I’ll have to DO whatever it takes…

Q – What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?

M – Well, it’s kind of like I said: I’m not some violent person and I don’t know anything about how to act that way. It’s always better to just walk away at school, or just tell the teacher. Of course, when those boys tease Justin, just walking away doesn’t seem to stop them, and sometimes I feel like beating them up. They’re mostly just citified, and I could probably whup ass on at least some of them, but then I’d probably get in trouble or something, so I back off even though they keep hurting Justin. And I wonder too about Granny Sue. Not like I could visit her or whatever, but what would she do that would make her get herself all locked up, especially right after when my Mom died. Sorry…guess I never told you about that. Yeah, my mom died when I was real little and then Granny Sue ran off and did something awful that got her stuck in this prison. Didn’t she know that we’d need her? It makes me mad sometimes.

Q – What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this General Janus?

M – Nothing comes to mind, actually, except that when it comes to my Daddy or my friends or things I care about, I do whatever I have to do to help them out or save them or whatever, and I never ever ever quit until I get what I want. Daddy says that someday, when I need to, I’ll do amazing things or something too, but I’ve got no idea what he’s talking about. I wish I did now that I’m having to do all this stuff…

Q – What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?

M- I don’t want Justin to know about the stuff with my Mom and all. It makes me cry and feel weak and stuff. And I don’t want Granny Sue to know about how mad I am at her, because then she might not help me find Daddy. And I don’t want this General dude to know what a little kid I am and how scared I am of him and whoever his guys are. They gotta be some pretty scary dudes, don’t you think?

Q – What do you think of General Janus?

M – When I used to hear about him when he was trying to run for President, I thought he was crazy, but if he took my Daddy and/or did any harm to him, I think he’s a lying piss-ant son-of-a-bitch and me and Justin and Granny Sue are gonna kick his ass so far he won’t stop until he lands on the moon.

Q – Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story.

M- I practically have already. One day I’m living on the ranch with my Daddy, I go to school and he goes to his lab, and when I get home with Justin, he’s gone. He never comes home, his phone says his line’s “out of service,” i spend the night alone at home, and then when I go to the cops the next day after school, they give me all this shit about that my dad’s not who he is and all, so Justin and I go home and we remember how Daddy and his team were afraid of this guy Janus, we figure Janus might have done something to Daddy, then the guy shows up with the gun, we knock him out, take Daddy’s toys with us in a gym bag, and take off. Later, we decide to go to Colorado to find my Granny Sue because she’s the only one we can think of that could help us, and it goes on from there.

Q – What does it do for your life if you succeed here?

M – Well, I guess if I get Daddy back, we may all just come back to our house in the country and live like normal people again, except Granny Sue might be there too. But I think Justin and me will be a lot different inside. I mean, we’ll have taken down a big-time retired general and presidential candidate that everyone thinks is an asshole! Those guys that bully Justin better watch out. And maybe my Daddy will show me a lot more about who and what he is. And who my Mom was, and stuff like that. I think i’ll have grown up a lot…I guess.

General Janus – Antagonist

Q- Tell me a bit about yourself.

J – Ah yes. Where to start? When I was a boy…

Q – Let’s keep it a bit more focused on this journey, for now.

J – Certainly. As you wish… I’m a retired general, United States Marine Corps and I ran for President of the United States some years ago. The other person got more votes than I, or so they say, so I’ve spent my time since writing books, making a few fund-raising speeches for my supporters, enjoy life a little, the usual retirement gig.

Q – Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses?

J – I certainly have a lot of strengths. I maintain a force of bodyguards who carry out my orders for any mission, including this one. They of course use appropriate restraint, but…well, let’s just say that they always accomplish their goal. I have first-hand knowledge of something that will give me a total advantage over virtually anyone on Earth, not to mention this country, and, well, there it is. I don’t really know what you mean by weaknesses. I mean, in the face of a couple kids and an old woman? Seriously…

Q – I get what you mean. Why are you so committed to making these people fail?

J – That should be obvious, shouldn’t it? I must make them fail, because the girl’s father is the key to the whole scheme. Without him and his abilities, my goals can’t be accomplished. He’s the only one with both the knowledge and ability to produce what I need to gain an insurmountable advantage over potential adversaries. So you see I must have him—and no one else can have him. It’s as simple as that.

Q – So what do you get by succeeding in this plan? What’s in it for you?

J – (laughs) What’s NOT in it for me? The sky is literally the limit—or Space perhaps. When this scheme succeeds, I’ll have more power at my disposal than quite literally anyone else on Earth. I’ll just have to decide what to do with it. I could just sit back, relax, enjoy a quiet life, etc. But I rather think that, with that much power, I should use it for some good purpose. You know, there’s a lot that should be done in the world but isn’t happening because people are squabbling over silly things like money or arguing about who gets what, you name it. I could change all that. With the power in my hands, I could virtually snap my fingers and make things happen. No, not like a genie. Of course things would take time to build—much less time to get rid of the hold up or what’s there now—but the thing is that things would be constantly moving forward. I rather think that people would like it. At least the ones who like me, do what I say, you know…

Q – What drives you toward your mission/agenda, even in the face of danger ruin, or death.

J – Aren’t you being a bit over-dramatic there? I mean seriously? Danger? Ruin? Death? (Laughs) I hardly think the stakes are that high. I mean, look at my opponents? But I have made plans for certain unfortunate contingencies that might occur nonetheless. If something does go wrong or something unexpected happens, we will be ready. And of course its worth the risk. It’s worth any risk to obtain such power. Anyone would do it—even you I suspect, though you’d probably fail miserably.

Q – What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear or insecurity?

J – In answer to your first question, I’m sure you’d agree that I can’t reveal to anyone that this person that I’ll be kidnapping is not of this world, and his various abilities are the same. And that, as far as anyone knows, no one else on planet Earth has such abilities either. That’s not to say that I might not have some fun with that fact just to keep people from suspecting something. You know, “General, how’d that tank just suddenly appear like that?” “Oh, it’s just my alien friend cooking up a new dish” or some such. And we all have a good laugh about it and then we just move on to the next question. As to your other question, I actually find it rather offensive? Fears? Insecurities? Do you actually believe that I have any such emotions? The idea’s preposterous—silly, if you will. Why would you even ask such a question? The answers are so obvious that to ask it is ridiculous.

Q – Compared to other people like you, what makes you special?

J – Once again, it’s quite obvious. I’m far smarter, far more devious, more careful in my plans, more perfect in their execution, more daring in my methods, you name it. I mean, what other villain, what other predator, would even for a moment even believe that such a plan of mine could ever happen, much less carry it out. They’d all say that it’s ludicrous—that I’m a lunatic. But I’m not, and it WILL work, and that’s why I’m “special” as you say, compared to others like me.

Q – What do you think of Milly and her family?

J – The father is amazing. I’ve seen it, watched him work. He’s a genius in a completely otherworldly way. The rest? I’m afraid that they’re little more than gnats flying around my face while I carry out my plans. I’ll bat them around a bit, and they’ll disperse. If they come back and become annoying, I’ll bat a little harder, and if they still won’t go away, I’ll get out the flying insect killer, spray them, they’ll be eliminated, and we’ll continue to enjoy the evening. You catch my drift, right?

Q – Tell me your side of this whole story.

J – I’m a man of means and intelligence and with many good ideas for how to run the country—even the world for that matter. Having not been able, in the present system, to put myself in a position to carry them out, I searched for a new way, and fortunately found one that’s not near as complicated and perhaps not even as violent as what I’d been working on. And the best part of it is that I’ll have infinitely more power than I ever thought I’d have to carry out my plans, and it will come through a means that no one in their so-called right mind would ever believe even existed. And so I’ll right the wrong that was done using the old system, and finally get to the business of fixing things. Unfortunately, the crux of my plan is an irreplaceable being, and his family is, rather selfishly in my view, trying to the creature back, and have actually become quite clever. I haven’t even been able to take one of them hostage—yet—to use as leverage over their father, my ace in the hole. But I’ll soon find a way. I must. The world depends on it!

As a result of these interviews, I’m already making in my head changes to both profiles and how I see my story. I’ll not list them here—at least not yet—because I’ve got to think about them more, as well as the overall tone of the eventual story.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Character Profiles Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment…was a lot more about my Protagonist, and WAY more about my Antagonist, because I’d not thought much about him before.

Character Profile – Milly (Protagonist)

PART 1

– Role in story – Protagonist
12-13, an “only” child who is sharp and intelligent, but lacks confidence. Physically smallish and unremarkable. <div>

– Internal Journey – from zero to hero
External Journey – rescues her father from kidnappers, saves the world???

– Motivation – is the only one who believes her father’s been kidnapped, therefore the only one who can save him

– Wound – Milly is an “only” child, and also adopted by her father. She has no idea who her mother is/was, etc.

– Mission/Agenda – Milly feels as though she MUST find her father, and soon. If she doesn’t either bad things will happen to him, bad things will happen to others, or both.

– Secret – Milly knows that her father, a scientist, invented secret things for the government, and that he has a secret collection of “toys” that look like miniature weapons. He’s also told her that one day she’ll do great things, but she doesn’t understand that at all.

– What makes Milly special – Though quiet and shy, Milly has a deep sense of what is good and right, is highly intelligent, and defiant in the face of what she thinks is wrong.

PART 2

– What draws us to this character? – Milly’s innocence and goodness is appealing. We also respect her grit when defending her friend and feel empathy when her father disappears. We want to root for her. </div><div>

– Traits – Smart, plays by the rules, relentless, innocent, self-doubting

– Subtext – When Milly is frustrated, angry, or confused, she’s silent and shrinking.

– Flaw – Innocence and naivety

– Values – Truth, goodness, right is right, wrong is wrong

– Irony – Milly champions following rules, but when she’s angry about a perceived injustice, she breaks them.

– What makes this the right character for this role? – Milly is good to the core, but will go beyond “good” to stop evil. She’s naive, but learns quickly. And she’s relentless.

Character Profile – (General Janus) (Antagonist)

PART 1

– Role in story – Antagonist </div><div>

– Age, general description – 40s-60s?

– Internal Journey – Devolves from merely bad to diabolical

– External Journey – Has laid plans to dominate the world, carries them out, and then reckons with the unlikely consequences.

– Motivation – gaining power over others, feeding his ego.

– Wound – his advice is rarely followed by superiors.

– Mission/Agenda – To bend everyone to his will. He “just wants to watch the world burn.” (Alfred Pennyworth to Bruce Wayne re: The Joker – <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>The Dark Knight)

– Secret – He’s knows that aliens exist on Earth.

– What makes him special – Janus lies compulsively, but he uses charm, charisma, and bold action to convince others that he’s honest and good.

PART 2

– What draws us to this character? – He’s naturally charismatic and intelligent, but uses those to manipulate people, bend them to his will, etc. He can literally charm people to death. </div>

– Traits – Charming, ambitious, smart, manipulative, liar, narcissistic

– Subtext – Whenever he’s faced with the truth, he dismisses it with a clever lie.

– Flaw – pathological liar and narcissist.

– Values – Power, intelligence, manipulating others, getting his way.

– Irony – As he acts friendly and charming, he’s actually setting them up to be used and destroyed.

– What makes this person the right character for this role? – General Janus is interesting, outwardly sharp and a great actor. He draws people to him—then chews them up and spits them out.

[Lee Tidball]

What I learned doing this assignment is…once again, that keeping my focus just on the task at hand really helps move things along when I don’t distract myself with other details.

Protagonist – Milly Johnson

Milly is a VICTIM who loses her father to kidnappers and has no idea what to do, especially when no one of any authority seems to know anything about him, or even that he existed at all.

Antagonist – As yet unnamed

A former government official, perhaps, who is a PREDATOR who knows of Dr. Johnson’s special abilities and wishes to use them to incite a revolution, take over the world, etc.

Other Characters

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS

Milly’s friend who helps her and provides comic relief. <div>

The Predator’s co-conspirator.

Milly’s Grandma, who she breaks out of prison for her help.

MINOR ROLES

Other kids at Milly’s schools </div><div>

Guards at the prison where her Grandma is held

Henchpersons of the PREDATOR

BACKGROUND CHARACTERS

Kids and teachers at school </div><div>

Guards at the prison

Lackeys of the antagonist

Extras in other settings

Genre

Sci-fi/Fantasy (one or the other) </div><div>

Action/adventure

Character Profile info

MILLY

Role in story – Protagonist
12-13, an “only” child who is sharp and intelligent, but lacks confidence. Physically smallish and unremarkable. </div>

Internal Journey – from zero to hero

External Journey – rescues her father from kidnappers, saves the world???

Motivation – is the only one who believes her father’s been kidnapped, therefore the only one who can save him.

Wound – Milly is an “only” child, and also adopted by her father. She has no idea who her mother is/was, etc.

Mission/Agenda – Milly feels as though she MUST find her father, and soon. If she doesn’t either bad things will happen to him, bad things will happen to others, or both.

Secret – Milly knows that her father, a scientist, invented secret things for the government, and that he has a secret collection of “toys” that look like miniature weapons. He’s also told her that one day she’ll do great things, but she doesn’t understand that at all.

What makes Milly special – Though quiet and shy, Milly has a deep sense of what is good and right, is highly intelligent, and defiant in the face of what she thinks is wrong.

[Lee Tidball]

Lee’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this lesson is…how easy it is to create a new protagonist and their journey if you’re not so worried about all the other details of the story to come. Just focus on the task at hand and let the other stuff wait for its time.

Protagonist – Milly, a middle-school student

INTERNAL JOURNEY – Milly at the beginning is a timid, shy girl in a small rural high school who has just lost her father to suspicious circumstances and has no idea what to do.

By the end, she’s grown into a confident, secure young woman who is very capable of “taking care of herself” when necessary.

EXTERNAL JOURNEY – When Milly’s father is kidnapped and the government, who employed him, disavows his very existence, Milly is left alone and entirely at a loss as to what to do.

By the end, Milly is unhesitant to take actions when needed, can formulate a plan, and has a healthy sense of who she is. Though she’s generally a nice, sweet person, she’s capable of being “taking care of business” when necessary.

Old Ways – Timid, shrinking, tentative, without a strategy, just passing through life, not making much happen one way or another.

New Ways – Assertive, proactive, knows what she wants, victorious, has developed a “certain set of skills” to use when needed, has made her family whole again.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Lee Tidball. Reason: I decided to go with a different project. At this point, I need a script with a simpler story, less characters, and more "producible," not another large-scale project

[Lee Tidball]

Hi! I’m Lee.

I’ve written a ton of scripts. I’ve been doing it for 20 years now so I guess I’d better have, huh.

I’m hoping to get a kick-start on my first new script in quite a while after spending the last few years either perfecting, updating, and marketing older material which seems to be finding a new audience now and also doing a couple work-for-hire projects through a traditional publishing company.

I had a long career as a 6th grade teacher, and one of my favorite “tools” for classroom management were stuffed animals :).

[Lee Tidball]

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Lee Tidball]

From what I see here, I can’t quite figure what the actual story is here (and the assignment’s not supposed to show that…), but, as a writer and fan of movies that riff in some unique way off of traditional Christmas mythology, I wish you the best in both writing and marketing this project when it’s finished. It seems very unique, and hopefully will be enough so to get a lot of interest. Best to you on this project!!

[Lee Tidball]

As a writer and lover of movies that riff off of traditional Christmas mythology (mines a lot more family-friendly–LOL), I find your story to be totally unique and fascinating–and very well designed as well. Given its extremes and the current trend towards Christmas horror films, this one’s got a real shot I think, providing the script lives up to the premise’s promise (which I’m sure it will…:)) Great job!

[Lee Tidball]

Hey Barbe! Great work. I’m hooked! BTW, I felt the same way about putting my structure into Chat. I didn’t see a need for it either, so I just didn’t do it. Interesting how you used Chat to suggest possible improvements. Glad that worked.

[Lee Tidball]

Hi Dan! Nice to see a fellow MSC 2 alumni here! Hope all’s good :).

[Lee Tidball]

I remember RAWHIDE and Rowdy Yates very well :). Cool that you got a chance to meet Eastwood. He’s (still) amazing…