[Lenore]

BWTV Lesson 12

Lenore Bechtel’s Marketing Campaign

What I learned doing this assignment is that marketing is time consuming and boring, but I’m glad to have an actual assignment that forced me to start it.

I choose to start with the Getting An Agent marketing campaign. Feedback confirms that my 5-season bible and pilot are rep-ready, but I have no connections to get me a recommendation.

Instead, I’m counting on my query letter, finalized after many versions and improved with feedback from classmates.

I spent much too long compiling a list of 99 agents’ and managers’ email addresses.

My plan went into action today when I sent queries to A through E on my list. Five bounced badk because of bad email addresses.

I will keep sending until I get through all 99 and hope I’ll be busy after that replying to requests for my bible and pilot.

This has been a great class, but only the reponses I get will let me know if my script is truly binge worthy. I’m grateful for the connections I’ve made with classmates and wish for our mutual success.

[Lenore]

Anyone willing to critique my query letter, please send your email address to lenorebechtel33@gmail.com so I can send try a copy with spacing which always gets lost when I post here. But here it is: hat if your own success depended on hiding the bizarre antics of a hypnotist?

Dear [Producer’s Name],

Hypnotized by Hope is a one-hour TV contained comedy that follows Lilly, the manager of a zany hypnotist, Joshua, whose outlandish behavior threatens to derail his burgeoning fame.

Lilly is ghosting a book to get national recognition for him as a hypnotist and her as a writer.

Her task is complicated by Quinten, a reporter eager to expose Joshua’s unorthodox methods, destroy his reputation, and doom their book.

Can she keep Quinten from discovering

—the fake bank robbery that proved Timothy was not invisible, as he thought?

—the unopenable safe that proved Tyrell should give up safe-cracking?

—the shy Maudie who faked fatness to qualify for a weight control group?

—the truth about the latest office bimbo, Sally—who’s not what she pretends to be?

Lilly’s efforts to keep Joshua’s career afloat lead to a series of escalating schemes, each more outrageous than the last.

A ghost-driven psychic, a living statue performer, a time traveler, an ex-con rapist, and other weirdos move this series into multiple seasons.

Can Lilly continue to thwart Joshua’s bizarre methods that—if exposed—could end their fun?

Bio: I am a multi-produced playwright who managed a hypnosis office for seven years.

Please request the Bible and/or Pilot from:

lenorebechtel33@gmail.com. 306 S. 1st St., Eufaula, OK 74432. 936-499-7694

Thank you for considering Hypnotized by Hope. I am excited to share more about this unique comedy that blends humor, high stakes, and heart.

Sincerely,
Lenore Bechtel.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Target Market

What I learned from this assignment is going to change my life. I’ve subscribed to IMDbPro for many months, but I truly didn’t know how to use it. The video before this lesson and in this lesson changed that. At last!

I found 57 producers who have produced TV comedy series. Unfortunately, most of their series last only one episode, so here’s hoping they’re still interested in getting a series that can go on and on.

The time spent finding those 57 email addresses was very, very boring. But I’m planning to continue searching until I find 200 to send my Hypnotized by Hope pitch. Then I’ve got to find another 200 to send the featire I wrote taking Writing Incredible Movies.

Is my life going to be all business and no fun writing from now on? No! I wouldn’t survive it.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Phone Pitch

What I learned from this assignment is the different openings a phone pitch can have. I chose marketability, which I consider a strong business hook.

My Pitch

Hi, this is Lenore Bechtel, a multi-produced playwright who managed a hypnosis office for seven years.

I have a one-hour contained comedy series called Hypnotized by Hope. It’s a unique take because a TV series about hypnosis has never been done before.

The subject has broad appeal, evidenced by hypnotists being favorites at high schools and state fairs.

The concept involves Lilly who juggles facilitating Hypnotist Joshua Hope’s zany antics while hiding them to promote his fame.

Can she keep a scandal reporter from exposing Joshua’s bizarre treatments long enough for the book she’s ghosting for him to become a best seller?

I think the contained series can be produced with less than $1 million.

The pilot is 68 quick-reading pages. It ends with Joshua on stage at the Karma Klub admitting he set up Tyrell for a failed safecracking attempt—the cliffhanger for Episode 2.

This series is right for your company because it’s comedic like (one the company produced).

The season ends with Joshua still on a book tour that put the book on the best seller list, making Lilly happy. But his hiring from afar another beautiful bimbo makes her irate. She’s ready to quit her job until dozens of calls start coming in for her.

How could she leave a guy who gave her all the credit for the book and announced on national television that “Everyone needs a Lilly”? No! She’ll stick around and be sure the time traveler who drops by every day gets Joshua’s first appointment when he returns, and his ghost-driven sister gets the second.

Lilly herself is Hypnotized by Hope—a series like both House meets Shrinking, and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel meets Arrested Development—all shows with dynamic, eccentric characters and a hilarious exploration of professional and personal chaos.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned with this assignment is the model of successful pitches. I am surprised that the model includes telling about each act of the story. I thought the less we tell, the better. However, I’ve included the five acts, but think my pitch is better without them.

My Pitch:

I’m Lenore Bechtel, and I’m a multi-produced playwright who managed a hypnosis office for seven years.

I have a one-hour TV contained comedy series titled “Hypnotized by Hope.”

My protagonist Lilly juggles facilitating Hypnotist Joshua Hope’s zany antics while hiding them to promote his fame.

Can she keep a scandal reporter from exposing Joshua’s bizarre treatments long enough for the book she’s ghosting for him to become a best seller?

Joshua’s unpedictability provides endless comedic potential as Lilly battles to keep Joshua’s reputation intact.

Imagine “House” and “Shrinking” in the unique world of hypnosis. Fix one client’s problem with a good zonking, and another is always waiting for an instant cure. This low budget series could go on and on.

Act 1 challenges Lilly in two ways: new-hire Sally’s ineptness and the scandal reporter’s sleuthing. Joshua begins his treatment with Timothy, who thinks he’s invisible.

Act 2 requires Lilly to arrange a fake bank robbery as treatment for Timothy. A collision after the robbery reveals Maudie—this week’s subject on Joshua’s TV show—to be a fake fatty. Joshua tells Sally to get ready to teach an exercise class.

Act 3 has Joshua fixing Maudie and Lilly setting up an unopenable safe for Tyrell’s treatment,

Act 4 Sally has a successful exercise class. Joshua and Tyrell find the safe unopenable,

Act 5 While the office staff watch Bernadine’s show at the Karma Klub, police catch Tyrell trying to open the safe and he blames Joshua. Police bring him to the Karma Klub and Joshua admits his involvement, leading to a cliffhanger for the next episode.

Hypnosis is an untapped goldmine for a TV series. It’s a popular subject with broad appeal, evidenced by hypnotists being favorites at high schools and state fairs.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Query Letter

I’m so sorry that all my spacing gets lost when I post in the forums. Otherwise, I would ask all reading this to tell me which version they prefer—my query before Ai or my query after AI. But I know you can’t read it this way and make any sense of it.

What I learned doing this assignment is that AI gave me ideas I’d never thought of.

Here’s my query before AI:

Title = Hypnotized by Hope
Format/genre = One-hour TV Contained Comedy
High Concept = Llilly juggles facilitating Joshua’s antics while hiding them to promote his fame.

Why is Lilly so devoted to a hypnotist who drives her bananas?

She’s hooked her wagon to the star she’s trying to make of Joshua Hope. A multi-rejected novelist, she hopes the book she’s ghosting for him will make him a national celebrity and establish her as a writer of note.

If she can only keep reporter Quinten Quebeck from sniffing out Joshua’s zany treatments for peculiar clients like

—Timothy who thinks he’s invisible.

—Maudie who fakes fatness to qualify for the weight group.

—Tyrell whose sensitive fingers no longer crack safes.

And if she can survive

— Sally, the latest bimbo new-hire, who’s not what she seems.

— Bernadine whose past life regressions complicate Lilly’s life.

— Kathy, who used to be Kevin, Lilly’s transgender husband who divorced her.

— The ghost-drive psychic, the time traveler, the living statue street performer, the rapist and other weirdos who move this series into multiple seasons.

Bio: Lenore is a multi-produced playwright who managed a hypnosis office for seven years.

Request the Bible and/or Pilot from:

lenorebechtel33@gmail.com. 306 S. 1st St., Eufaula, OK 74432. 936-499-7694

Here’s my query after AI:

What if your own success depended on hiding the bizarre antics of a hypnotist?

Dear [Producer’s Name],

Hypnotized by Hope is a one-hour TV contained comedy that follows Lilly, the manager of a zany hypnotist, Joshua, whose outlandish behavior threatens to derail his burgeoning fame.

Lilly is ghosting a book to get national recognition for him as a hypnotist and her as a writer.

Her task is complicated by Quinten, a reporter eager to expose Joshua’s unorthodox methods, destroy his reputation, and doom their book.

Can she keep Quinten from discovering

—the fake bank robbery that proved Timothy was not invisible, as he thought?

—the unopenable safe that proved Tyrell should give up safe-cracking?

—the shy Maudie who faked fatness to qualify for a weight control group?

—the truth about the latest office bimbo, Sally—who’s not what she pretends to be?

Lilly’s efforts to keep Joshua’s career afloat lead to a series of escalating schemes, each more outrageous than the last.

A ghost-driven psychic, a living statue performer, a time traveler, an ex-con rapist, and other weirdos move this series into multiple seasons.

Can Lilly continue to thwart Joshua’s bizarre methods that—if exposed—could end their fun?

Bio: I am a multi-produced playwright who managed a hypnosis office for seven years.

Please request the Bible and/or Pilot from:

lenorebechtel33@gmail.com. 306 S. 1st St., Eufaula, OK 74432. 936-499-7694

Thank you for considering Hypnotized by Hope. I am excited to share more about this unique comedy that blends humor, high stakes, and heart.

Sincerely,
Lenore Bechtel.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned from this assignment is embarrassing to admit. I just now fully grasp the difference between a high concept and a logline.

Hypnotized by Hope

Format/Genre = One-hour TV contained comedy series

Logline = In the unique world of hypnosis, Lilly hitches her wagon to the star she hopes to make of Joshua Hope, whose weird treatments she must conceal from a scandal reporter whose expose could doom both their futures.

Concept = Lilly juggles facilitating Joshua’s zany antics while hiding them to promote his fame.

Elevator pitch = Can Lilly keep Hypnotist Joshua’s bizarre methods secret long enough for their book to become a bestseller? Imagine House and Shrinking in the world of hypnosis.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned from this assignment is how hooks can be turned into a synopsis that is interesting, but doesn’t tell the whole story.

Title: Hypnotized by Hope

Genre: Drama/Comedy

Contained one-hour TV series

In the unique world of hypnosis—particularly fascinating to young adults—Lilly Brandon hitches her wagon to the star she hopes her book will make of Hypnotist Joshua Hope.
She must conceal Joshua’s zany treatments from ruthless reporter Quinten Quebeck whose expose could doom their book and both their futures.

Quinten’s nosey nose sniffs out scandals as easily as Joshua hires inept bimbos for the office, where crazy things consistently occur. He’s there when Dr. Dan dashes in and collides with Maudie and oops! Her fat disguise shifts on her body like poorly placed puzzle pieces. Why slim Maudie pretended to be fat demonstates Joshua’s hypnotic suggestions’ strength.

Why did respected psychiatrist Dr. Dan run so carelessly? Because of Joshua prescribed treatment for Dr. Dan’s patient Timothy, who thinks he’s invisible and needs to get caught robbing a bank to prove his visibility.

Of course, Lilly arranged the fake bank robbery, just as she found an unopenable safe to be used for Tyrell’s treatment. She doesn’t know that Tyrell is an ex-con safecracker Joshua met when he was incarcerated for impersonating a doctor—a secret Joshua’s kept from Lilly.

Oh well, she’s never told him either that as a teenager she was raped, became pregnant, and gave the baby up for adoption. So what should he do when Shay comes around, saying he’s identified Lilly as his birth mother? Why not hire him? He can help the latest bimbo Sally, who pretends to be inept only to stick around long enough to let her publisher uncle know if Joshua is legit.

What’s Joshua to do when Quinten sleuths out many things that could harm him? He tells Lilly that QQ is a somnabulist—one he could easily hypnotize against his will. What a dilemma for straight-laced Lilly! But not for Dr. Dan who says to zonk him and tell him what to write.

Joshua zonks him, and the suggestions he gives result in Sally’s publisher uncle sending Joshua on a round-the-USA book tour. Ex-cons he refused to help in prison now know where to find him, creating continuing comedic drama for both him and Lilly.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned doing this assignment is that perusing a script with these questions in mind caused me to make a major change that I think will improve my story. Good assignment!

What is most unique about your villain and hero?

Protagonist Lilly Brandon is a secret rapist survivor. Antagonist Quinten Quebeck is a ruthless reporter who wouldn’t hesitate to embellish insignificant facts to destroy a subject’s reputation.

B. Major hook of your opening scene? Quinten makes clear his intention to destroy Joshua, and thus Lilly’s dream of a best-selling book.

C. Any turning points? Quinten observes Maudie’s fat disguise fall apart and knows she’s the subject for Joshua’s TV show.

D. Emotional dilemma? Disagreeing with Joshua’s treatment plans, Lilly goes ahead and arranges a fake bank robbery for Timothy’s treatment and gets an unopenable safe for Tyrell’s treament.

E. Major twists? Lilly did not want Sally hired, but Sally’s distracting Quinten helps her.

F. Reversals? Timothy goes back and forth between wanting visibility and wanting to go back to being invisible.

G. Character betrayals? Joshua has never told Lilly about his incarceration for practicing medicine without a license.

H. Or any big surprises? Sally pretends to be an incompetent bimbo, but she’s actually a publisher’s niece vetting Joshua to see if he’s legit.

Other interesting things that might interest a producer:

I. “Unique” correctly describes this TV series on hypnosis. It’s never been done!

J. Hypnosis is a topic with wide audience appeal, especially among teenagers.

A -J equal the 10 most interesting things about “Hypnotized by Hope.”

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Producer/Manager

What I learned today was the different things that should be stressed in pitches for producers and managers.

My pitch to a producer:

I am Lenore Bechtel, a multi-produced playwright and published novelist, with a contained one-hour TV comedy series set In the unique world of hypnosis—particularly fascinating to young adults.

Lilly Brandon hitches her wagon to the star she hopes her book will make of Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire, whose zany treatments she must conceal from a scandal reporter whose expose could doom both their book and their futures.

Joshua’s keeps his past imprisonment for impersonating a doctor secret until his life gets complicated by ex-cons he helped or didn’t help in prison. Lilly has secrets or her own—the son she gave away for adoption who spies on her and her transgender ex-husband who wants to live with her as a woman.

My pitch to a manager:

I am Lenore Bechtel, a multi-produced playwright, prize-winning journalist, and published novelist, with two projects ready for market and four more very close to ready.

“Hypnotized by Hope,” is a contained one-hour TV comedy series set in the uniques world of hypnosis. It features Lilly Brandon who’s hitched her wagon to the star she hopes to make of Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire.

“Berlin Rendezvous?” Is a drama starring Libby who’s keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961. Now, as she flies to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989, she’s stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs!

“Geriatric Go-Go Girls at Sea” is a comedy starring septegenarian females impersonating men for a free cruise whose joy gets threatened when one is identified as an on-the-run con man.

“Thank You, Elvis” is a rom com about Vegas and Presley, who took blood vows as adolescents to resist their Elvis-maniacal parents’ efforts to mate them. The movie takes place in one zany day of bedlam and bribes aimed at tricking them into recognizing they were detined for each other.

“Sweetie Heaven” is a Christian, musical rom com about a frustrated 20ish gal who wants two things: to remain a virgin and not lose her boyfriend Quincy and to sing her own way and not alienate her Sweet Adeline family. What’s a girl to do when Quincy won’t wait and Gran needs her to win the 1984 Gulf-Atlantic Regional competition?

“Dire Expectations” is a thriller about 18-year-old Elijah whose mountain community expects him to continue his murdered father’s remote-viewing which has kept their town crime-free. But Elijah stupidly lost his inherited seeing skill and now must find his dad’s killer betore the killer gets rid of him too.

[Lenore]

My response is always nicely spaced, but once I post it, the spacing gets lost. Maybe not this time?
Lenore Bechtel’s Components of Marketability.

Logline: Lilly Brandon wants national publicity for the book she’s ghost-writing for Joshua, but scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck’s intention to expose Joshua as a fraud makes this endeavor challenging. She must keep Quinten at bay while navigating Joshua’s zany treatments for weird clients and coping with Sally Singleton, the latest task-challenged new hire.

This series has these components of marketability:

Unique: A hypnotist extraordinaire has never been a series star. .

Great Title: “Hypnotized by Hope” is a double entendre: Joshua Hope is not only the hypnotist’s name, but the driving force behind tthe protagonist Lilly Brandon’s reasons for hitching her star to his wagon.

True: The story is based on a actual hypnotist who was capable of pulling off all the hypnotic suggestions used in this series.

First: The story is definitely a first— the ultimate story set in the rare and distrinctive world of hypnosis.

Wide Audience Appeal: The topic has it, especially for teenagers. High schools find that hypnosis shows are the most popular of all types performed for their student bodies.

Great Roles: Both Joshua Hope (cunning/loveable/unpredictable) and Lilly Brandon (ambitious, rejected, competent) are great roles for already bankable actors and could jump- start careers for upcoming ones.

The two components that have the most potential for selling this script:

It is unique and will have wide audience appeal.

How I might pitch the script through these two components:

It’s easy to get “unique” into the concept, but “wide audience appeal” poses problems.

Here’s my first attempt:

In the unique world of hypnosis—particularly fascinating to young adults—Lilly Brandon hitches her wagon to the star she hopes her book will make of Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire, whose zany treatments she must conceal from a scandal reporter whose expose could doom both their book and their futures.

I think I like it better than the longer logline above.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Project and Market

Title: Hypnotized by Hope

Genre: Comedy

A Contained One-hour Comedy Series

Concept: Lilly Brandon wants national publicity for the book she’s ghostwriting for Hypnotist Joshua Hope, but not an exposé like scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck could possibly find.
She must keep Quinten at bay while navigating Joshua’s zany treatments for weird clients and coping with a task-challenged new hire.

The most attractive thing about my series is that it will bring something brand new to streaming platforms—the intriguing world of hypnosis which will draw viewers out of curiosity and captive them with the story’s comical charm. Even though the characters are as unique as the subject matter itself, audiences will identify with their problems and root for them to succeed.

I will target managers and agents first because I myself know I can never be good at pitching. The reason is because I have profound hearing loss that makes me unable to understand accents and to communicate well by telephone or in a noisy room. To find a management company that produces would be iideal for me.

What I learned from this assignment is that I need both a “writing hat” and a “business hat,” and I’m hoping my latter will lead to someone who’ll take over the business side, giving me more time to keep wearing my writing hat.

[Lenore]

I know both BWTV and WIM share this assignment, so I hope this is the place for both to post. I couldn’t find another, so here’s mine.
BWTV Lesson 1: How to Get 50 script requests
Lenore Bechtel’s Project and Market

Title: Hypnotized by Hope
Genre: Comedy
A Contained One-hour Comedy Series
Concept: Lilly Brandon wants national publicity for the book she’s ghostwriting for Hypnotist Joshua Hope, but not an exposé like scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck could possibly find.
She must keep Quinten at bay while navigating Joshua’s zany treatments for weird clients and coping with a task-challenged new hire.

The most attractive thing about my series is that it will bring something brand new to streaming platforms—the intriguing world of hypnosis which will draw viewers out of curiosity and captive them with the story’s comical charm. Even though the characters are as unique as the subject matter itself, audiences will identify with their problems and root for them to succeed.
I will target managers and agents first because I myself know I can never be good at pitching. The reason is because I have profound hearing loss that makes me unable to understand accents and to communicate well by telephone or in a noisy room. To find a management company that produces would be iideal for me.
What I learned from this assignment is that I need both a “writing hat” and a “business hat,” and I’m hoping my latter will lead to someone who’ll take over the business side, giving me more time to keep wearing my writing hat.

[Lenore]

I’m ready for a second round of feedback and would like to exchange feedback on both bibles and pilots with someone who writes comedy. If interested, please contact me at lenorebechtel33@gmail.com.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4, Lesson15 Wordsmithing

Lenore Bechtel Finished Wordsmithing

What I learned from this assignment were t things I should have already figured out for myself. One, because I’m writing comedy, my descriptions—not just the dialogue—need to be humorous. Two, orphan lines are a no no. Words to avoid: just, starts, is, are, ings. I was surprised at the ings.

I surprised myself with the many, many changes I made. I truly thought the script was as good as I could get it. But I got some excellent suggestions from Margaret Silebi’s feedback, and wonderful ideas from this wordsmithing lesson.

But I’m not enumerating here the changes I made because I made them without first copying and pasting the text I was revising.

I must say Module 4, Lessons 6 through 15 (those after our first draft) have been great assignments. I’m going to use every one of them for any script I write in the future.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4 – Lesson 14

Lenore Bechtel has amazing descriptions!

What I learned from this assignment is that even though 90 percent of descriptions should be “Show, don’t tell,” we can add flavor by following an action by an emotion.

Here are some improvements I made by doing so.

Dr. Dan and Joshua have just discussed the doctor’s referral of Timothy, who thinks he’s invisible.

DR. DAN You’ll do this, Joshua.
JOSHUA Without a doubt!
Dr. Dan exits.
Becomes
Dr. Dan exits, hopeful that Joshua can save Timothy from a dismal future.
=========
Timothy has just sat down in one of two recliners in Joshua’s office.
Joshua looks quizzically back and forth between the two chairs.
Becomes
Joshua looks quizzically back and forth between the two chairs, as if he truly can’t see the gaudily dressed guy right in front of him.
=========
Timothy, ready to cry, starts to exit, then heads back toward Joshua’s office.
Becomes
Timothy, ready to cry, starts to exit, then heads back toward Joshua’s office, his posture showing complete surrender.
============
JOSHUA
(having a bright idea)
Several of our fatties have asked for an exercise class.
LILLY
Don’t go there, Joshua. Don’t go there.
JOSHUA
After a weight group would be a perfect time.
LILLY
And risk our reputation by having an unqualified bimbo bumping and grinding!
JOSHUA
Lighten up, Lilly. Let me be right this time.
LILLY
THIS time?
Joshua rises. Exits to the reception room.
Joshua rises. Exits to the reception room.
Becomes
Joshua rises. Exits to the reception room, exuding a determined demeanor.
==========
LILLY
Don’t thank me, Sally. Thank Joshua who–
JOSHUA
–knows you’ll be as impressive as a graceful ballerina.
SALLY
(moving closer to Joshua)
Ready to arabesque at your command.
Vicki gasps. Lilly puts hands in prayer position and looks up with a weepy frown.
Dr. Dan enters.
Dr. Dan enters
Becomes
Dr. Dan enters, his aura reeking of mirthful expectation.
==========
Dr. Dan sits in a recliner. Joshua sits at his desk.
Becomes
Dr. Dan sits in a recliner. Eagerly leans forward. Joshua sits at his desk. Pretends sadness.
==========
The above are just a few of the changes I made. Using the action/internal process and description reveals is easy, and I intend to continue looking for possible spots to do so throughout the entire pilot.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4, Lesson 13 Character Intros

Lenore Bechtel has great introductions!

What I learned doing this assignment is that I think I’ve already introduced my sub-world and my characters in the best possible way.

The subworld is hypnosis, and I start with a hypnosis show. Most scenes take place in Joshua’s hypnosis office. The feel of the world comes out in every suggestion Joshua gives to any subject.

My teaser has Hypnotist Joshua Hope on stage with volunteers he treats with great care. I don’t identify his age or race because he could be any race in his thirties, forties, fifties, or sixties. By the end of the teaser, we know he’s satisfied being a Tulsa celebrity while his Girl Friday Lilly aspires for national recognition for him and the book she’s ghosting for him. Lilly’s age of 36 will be revealed later by the son she ghosted at birth.

We also know Joshua has a habit of hiring pretty girls. The teaser introduces the latest one, and Lilly’s distraught reaction to still another.

The teaser also introduces Quinten Quebeck and the ruthlessness he’ll pursue to destroy Joshua’s reputation—thus destroying Lilly’s chance for a best-selling book.

In Act 1 we quickly find out that Vicki, Joshua’s cousin and receptionist, had a hard time holding a job and flirts with all the male clients. It doesn’t seem necessary to say she’s in her early 20s.

Shay is identified as 18 because of his being Lilly’s son she gave up for adoption.

Maudie, Timothy, Bernadine, Dr. Dan, Tyrell are introduced by their quirks, and their personalities quickly come through. All of them could be any age and any race.

I also searched for places in my pilot that irony could be used effectively in the description.

The pilot has irony because Vicki loves reading Quinten Quebeck’s scandals and still admires him even though he wants to destroy Joshua’s reputation. Also irony because Lilly helps Joshua get what he needs for his unorthodox treatments, even though she objects to them. More irony that Dr. Dan and Joshua are devoted friends even though their treatment beliefs are worlds apart. Trying to find a place to state these ironies, which the reader will surely grasp, seems a waste of time.

I’m feeling satisifed with my pilot as is, but am looking forward to the lesson 14. I hope to find there some suggestions I feel could make my pilot better.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4, lesson 12: Improving description

Lenore Bechtel’s Description 1

What I learned from this assignment I already knew: show, don’t tell. And this can be done with action and images based on tone, situation, and visual and emotional impact. The technique? Ask what emotional experience I want to deliver, what images will deliver that, and combine the experience and image to write the description.

The best thing I learned is that the way have been writing descriptions — carefully worded long sentences full of details — is not the preferred way. From now on I’ll be using more sentences, but each one short, making one visual image.

Was:

Lilly sits on a steno chair typing on the big-monitored computer keyboard on her cluttered desk. A filing cabinet with one drawer half opened and plain walls reflect its occupant’s no-nonsense get-down-to-business attitude.

Becomes:

The office’s plan walls reflect its occupant’s no-nonsense get-down-to-business attitude.

Lilly sits on a steno chair. Types on a keyboard with a big-monitor. Clutter drowns her desk. A half-opened file cabinet drawer has one folder higher than others.

Several were like this:

Timothy opens the door to the reception room, and Joshua follows him.

And became like this:

Timothy opens the reception room door. Enters reception room. Joshua follows him.

Another:

Vicki stands up at her desk and winks at Timothy.

Became:

Seeing Timothy, Vicki twists up from her desk chair. Winks at Timothy.

Another:

Sally, weighing herself, gets off the scale and sashays to him.

SALLY

(patting Timothy’s cheek)

Who is this handsome hunk of a man?

Timothy screams, brushes her hand away, and bounds for the exit.

Became:

Sally, weighing herself, steps daintily off the scale. Sashays to Timothy.

SALLY

(patting hiis cheek)

Who is this handsome hunk of a man?

Timothy screams. Brushes her hand away. Bounds for the exit.

Another:

Lilly sits on her steno chair. Joshua sits on the other tiny chair in her cubicle.

Became:

Lilly perches on her steno chair. Joshua dwarfs her cubicle’s other tiny chair.

Another:

Vicki mans the phone, and Sally weighs herself, with her shoes and her jewelry tossed aside.

Became:

Vicki mans the phone. Sally weighs herself. Sally’s shoes and jewelry litter Vicki’s desk.

Joshua and Maudie enter from Joshua’s office and see Timothy reclined and smiling with his eyes closed. Joshua puts a finger to his mouth to stay silent, and Maudie nods acknowledgement. They tiptoe to Timothy’s side.

Became:

Joshua and Madie see Timothy reclned and smiling with his eyes closed. Joshua puts a finger to his mouth to stay silent. Maudie nods acknledgement. They tiptoe to Timothy’s side.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4, Lesson 11 Best Dialogue I’ve Read!

Lenore Bechtel has great dialogue!

What I learned doing this assignment is how difficult it becomes to call something finished.

I changed more than the five examples asked for in this assignment, but I didn’t keep the original version as I was supposed to. Here are some I ended up with:

Using subtext:

QUINTEN

Got it all. A walk down the yellow brick road couldn’t save him from this.

Lilly pulls his face down to hers, almost nose to nose.

LILLY

The wizard destroys nasty, nosey nincompoops!

Quinten sniffs, pulls back, points his nose, and snorts.

Using anticipatory dialogue:

Quinten sniffs with ugly nostrils and resists until Kathy from out of nowhere takes his other arm.

QUINTEN

Not fair. Two against one.

KATHY

Two and a half against one, dirt dick.

Speak through characters profiles:

VICKI

No one but my cousin will ever hire me.

SHAY

That’s nonsense. I’ve seen you at work. You’re pure gas on the telephone.

Attack/counterattack:

A spotlight follows Bernadine as she takes center stage tapping on her small frame drum.

DR. DAN

(whispering, to Gina)

I lust for that woman.

GINA

(not surprised, whispering back)

Lust away! But if that lust ever manifests, you’ll be a pauper with a hard on.

Ironic dialogue with subtext:

QUINTEN

Lead me to your TV retreat.

Sally guides him through the arch.

SALLY

I like to turn down the lights when I watch TV.

QUINTEN

Splendid idea, I say.

They disappear through a door beyond the archway.

LILLY

I can’t believe it. Did Sally just become our very own Trojan horse?

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4, Lesson 10 Diaogue 7-8

Lenore Bechtel’s Dialogue 7-8

What I learned doing this assignment is that dialogue can either exist as an action or cause an action, and there are many techniques for doing so. I also learned several techniques for creating subtext beneath the surface in dialogue.

Here’s a Shay-Joshua conversation from my pilot that gave me several opportunities to use dialogue as action, subtext, setup/payoff, anticipatory dialogue, attack/counterattack. But as seems to be usual for me, the dialogue technique that seems to work best is dialogue that delivers character. I think this revision with Shay using lots of current teenage slang makes his character come alive.

JOSHUA

(in his hypnotic voice)

I can spot a liar like a vulture spots road kill.

Shay’s eyes blink, and his head slumps slightly.

SHAY

You can?

JOSHUA

(back in his regular voice)

I can, and I did. I’ll give you one chance to tell me why you’re here. If you don’t take it, I’ll zonk some cooperation into your reluctant teenage brain.

SHAY

(nervously)

Did you just try to hynotize me?

JOSHUA

No. I just tested you. You’re a natural. I could have you patting your head and rubbing your stomach in five seconds.

SHAY

You’ve got serious game. I’m not here to write a story about hypnosis.

Joshua nods and waits. And waits.

JOSHUA

Are you waiting for me to drag the truth out of you ? Because your one chance doesn’t include my assistance. You have an agenda here in this office. Spill it!

SHAY

Sorry. Guess I’m kinda simping for a chance to investigate a member of your staff. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt one on your staff is my relative. But I’d like know that person’s ilk before I make the truth known. If I discover I don’t like her, I will not let her know. Then I’ll be on my way, and she’ll never know why I was here.

Joshua seems to toss the idea around in his head.

JOSHUA

I have only three staff members. Sally, who’s first day with us is today. Vicki, my cousin, who can’t be your relative or I’d be your relative too. That leaves Lilly, who rules the roost around here, including the rooster.

SHAY

You’re lit!. Lilly Brandon, who ghosted me on the day of my birth.

JOSHUA

That doesn’t sound like Lilly to me.

SHAY

My parents say only good things about her, but they promised her they’d never tell me her name.

JOSHUA

How did you find it?

SHAY

While they were away on a cruise, I immersed myself in years of paperwork in both their offices. Finally found the adoption agency that still exists. Used too much of my parents’ money to hire a detective. He traced the 18-year-old who gave me away to the 36-year-old running this office. I have no ill feeling against her. I’m on a mission to know her and find out who my father is. I want to know my DNA.

Joshua closes his eyes and thinks.

JOSHUA

I am visualizing Lilly giving her baby away and regretting years later, even knowing she did the right thing. I’m thinking having you in her life at this point might lift a burden that’s bothered her, maybe even contributed to her marriage that ended in divorce.

SHAY

If things don’t turn out good, I’ll go away. No cap. She’ll never be hurt.

JOSHUA

If she gets hurt, you’ll get hurt more. I’ll see to that–you understand?

SHAY

Yes sir.

JOSHUA

You’ve got yourself a new job, Shay my boy, but the reason for it is our secret. No one else is to know.

SHAY

A job?

JOSHUA

I hoped Sally could handle the media room, duplicating CDs, storing the TV shows, filling mail orders, packing equipment for when I travel. What Sally can’t do, you could do with your eyes closed. You’d be here every day to see Lilly in action.

SHAY

Sick! I’ll be forever grateful.

JOSHUA

(rising)

It’s done.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4—Lesson 9 Dialogue 3-5

Lenore Bechtel’s Dialogue 4-6

What I learned from this assignment: These three new dialogue improvement techniques are fun to work with and bring very improved dialogue.

But most of all, I’d like to eliminate my shyness and feel free to… to be around men.

Became

But most of all, I’d like to quit being Emily Dickinson and start being Lady Gaga without having to sing.

_____

TIMOTHY

(scrunching into himself)

I used to be invisible.

MAUDIE

That’s too bad.

Joshua gives Maudie a come-on motion, wanting more.

MAUDIE

(straightening her shoulders)

Cause you’re such a good-looking guy.

became

“Cause you’re as handsome as Leonardo DiCaprio, or Tom Hardy, or Jake Gyllenhaal rolled into one.”

Timothy almost folds himself to the floor.

JOSHUA

Okay, Maudie. Tell Timothy what you used to be.

MAUDIE

I used to be fat and shy.

Joshua straightens Timothy up.

JOSHUA

Can you believe she was fat?

TIMOTHY

(to Maudie)

You’re not fat now.

Timothy looks for Joshua’s approval, but Joshua gives him only a come-on motion.

TIMOTHY

You remind me of…. Lady Gaga. (Was previously “You’re a very pretty woman.”

______

SHAY

That’s nonsense. I’ve seen you at work. You’re a good worker.

Became

That’s nonsense. I’ve seen you at work. You hustle like a real grind guru.

These changes are the only ones I found to make with this run-through, but while I was perusing the whole script, I found examples I’d already written with which I unknowingly used setup/payoff and anticipatory techniques. Couldn’t find any places where I thought irony would be appropriate.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4 – Lesson 8: Dialogue 1-2

Lenore Bechtel’s Dialogue 1 + 2

What I learned from this assignment is that dialogue becomes very distinctive when it keys in on the character’s profile—and even more so with attack/counterattack. I will be using these techniques in all my writing in the future.

AI told me

1. “The dialogue is largely relective of the characters’ profiles, particularly in the case of Joshua’s confident and offbeat lies.
2. “The best lines are those that showcase the characters’ personalities. The least effective lines are those that feel too on-the-nose or expository.
3. There is a moderate aount of generic dialogue.

Improvment: The dialogue could be sharpened by ensuring each character’s lines are distinct and reflectived of their unique voice. Avoid exposition and aim for subtext and wit.

I examined every scene and found that each scene that was between only two characters already was written with attack/counterattack. I ended up tighening dialogue in several places, but made no major changes.

Now I’m going to do a run-through for each character.

My run-through on both Quinten and Tyrell bought lots of more appropriate dialogue for the two of them. This technique is great!

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4 – Lesson 7

Lenore Bechtel completed P/X Grid #2

What I learned about this assignment is that cutting a script creates its own set of problems. I had already cut my 79 page script to 74 pages, and I didn’t need the grid to identify the problems I created by doing that.

I had to keep things chronological and make them happen in two days rather than one. Doing so necessitated a lot of reading and re-reading, plus changing the beginning and ends of acts.

I feel that with this assignment I came up with a structurally sound script. I turned a slow scene into a quick montage and added the appropriate action and dialogue to correct the cutting problems. Also got the script down to 72 pages. I hope to cut more on second draft.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4, Lesson 6

Lenore Bechtel complete P/S Grid #1

What I learned doing this assignment is that I would have been unable to identify problems in my script without screenplayfeedback.ai. Just using https://s3.amazonaws.com/bingeworthytv/BW+PS+Grid+1+Final.pdf, I would never have realized the conflict and the cliffhanger needed sharpening. I thought they were both good—that’s why I wrote them that way. But using both as I did has been very helpful.

I’m including my concept for the benefit of anyone reading this, so that the changes I write about will make more sense.

Concept:

Lilly Brandon wants national publicity for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua, but not the kind scandal reporterQuinten Quebeck will write. She must keep Quinten at bay while navigating Joshua’szany treatments for weird clients and coping with SallySingleton, the latest task-challenged new hire.

I used screenplayfeedback.ai to identify problems in the first draft of my pilot. I was told that in the teaser the main conflict could be sharpened to focus on a more specific overarching goal that will drive the series forward. I was told to also consider giving a clearer sense of the stakes involved in the hypnotist’s practice.

The Grid said this:

Conflict = disagreement, opposition, fight, or battle.

A. Create huge opposing goals with high stakes.

B. Cause high stakes goals to be challenged in a big way.

C. Give your characters opposing goals, missions, needs, traits, agendas, etc. between characters.

I already had Lilly objecting both to his hiring Sally, one of many bimbos he’s hired for the office and to his performing shows that she thinks diminishes his reputation.

I rewrote their after-show conversation to put emphasis on how important publication of the book is to Lilly. The dialogue now contrasts and emphasizes their feelings about attaining national recognition. Joshua is content with Tulsa fame, but Lilly wants much more for him and for her. Both the book and the bimbo are problems that don’t get resolved until the final episode of season one.

Feedback.ai also told me to consider adding a more personal stake for one of the main characters impacted by the scandal in the cliffhanger. The Grid suggested Intense high stakes, impossible goal or mission. How the hell are they going to accomplish that? (As if we haven’t already learned that!)

I changed two things:

Increased Timothy’s chagrin thinking Joshua will no longer be available to him or be there to give him his “Enjoying Sexuality” CD.

Had Lilly catch Quinten leaving Karma Klub and—with Kathy’s help—force him to stay and hear what Joshua has to say.

I’m not sure I like the changes as well as my first draft, but won’t make that judgment until my next feedback.

The assignment was to fix problems throughout, but all other suggested improvements AI gave me are pretty general and can only be handled by going through the whole script. So I’ll be keeping those in mind with my next drafts.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4 – Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel has finished Act 4 and Act 5

What I learned writing Act 4 today was my outline for a few of the scenes was not detailed enough for me to keep writing at the pace I like. But even with stops to think things out,, I wrote 16 pages in four hours and 43 minutes. I now have 70 pages—too many. But at least I think Act 5 will be my shortest act.

Act 4 managed to get my protagonist Lilly into three complicated situations she handles beautifully, and one still to be resolved. Most of the other characters (except Joshua) are outside their comfort zones. Also, in this act, Quinten becomes the dispicable villain viewers will hate. I had fun making him that way.

The next day:

I wrote Act 5 —eight pages—in three hours and seven minutes. My script it now 79 pages long.

I realize I wrote this script without a single CUT TO. I printed out Final Draft’s “Screenplay Format” which says scene transitions should be avoided in spec scripts where possible. News to me, so I’m glad now to know.

Analyzing it all, I feel confident Lilly is now committed to Joshua to a point of no return. So are Timothy, Maudie, Sally, Bernadine, and Dr. Dan. We’re hoping Shay is, but he still has the option of getting scared and running away from getting to know Lilly, his birth mother.

Here’s my progress:

Teaser 2 hours. 30 minutes. 7 pages

Act 1. 4 hours. 10 minutes. 18 pages

Act 2. 4 hourss. 3 minutes 14 pages

Act 3. 3 hours 47 minutes. 12 pages

Act 4. 4 hours. 16 minutes 16 pages

Act 5. 3 hours. 7 minutes. 8 pages

19 hours 113 minutes

Total: 20 hours 53 minutes Total 79 pages

I averaged 3.783 pages per hour. I hope that qualifies as speed writing.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel Finished Act 3

My rating on the high speed writing rules remain the same, as I hope they will each day this week because I consistently use Rules 2 through 6 and don’t intend to use Rule 1 unless I need it.

I don’t think I learned anything new doing this assignment, but I’m pleased that the speed writing seems to come easy for me.

I was in the flow again today because of diligently following my outline. I could never write this fast if I had to stop and think what comes next. My outline tells me—yay! I wrote a 12 page Act 3 in three hours and forty-seven minutes. I’m now on page 53.

I’m sure I’m going to have to do some cutting to keep this script down to an hour pilot.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel finished Act 2

Rule 1: C. I don’t really think I need to start using empowering self talk because I have confidence without it. Because of doing the empowerment with Hal on Saturdays, I do tell myself before I start writing, “I’m very confident that writing Act 2 today will be very easy for me.” However, I don’t bring my right and left hands together the breathe the thought Into my body because I don’t want to take the time for it. I’d rather get on with my writing.

That said, if the time comes when I’m tackling something I don’t have confidence about, I’m glad to know the empowerment process, and I’ll definitely use it.

Rule 2: A

Rule 3: A

Rule 4: A

Rule 5: A

Rule 6: A

What I learned from this assignment is speed writing truly does get a lot of work done quickly. I wrote nonstop for four hours and three minutes and finished a 14-page second act. I now have 39 pages in my script.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4, Lessonn 2 Act l

Lenore Bechtel Finished Act 1

What I learned doing this assignment is how easy it is to speed write with a highly detailed outline. I completed Act 1 in 4 hours and 10 minutes without a break. I was not paying any attention to page count, but I’m now on page 25. My teaser is 7 pages, so that makes Act 1 18 pages—probably too long. As I was writing, I knew I could make the dialogue tighter, but didn’t want to mess with it while speed writing. So I should have no trouble making it shorter later.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 4, Lesson 1

Lenore Bechtel’s Teaser and High Speed Writing

What I learned doing this assignment is that I actually have the willpower to leave misspelled words that Final Draft didn’t correct even though doing so makes me cringe.

I wrote a 7-page teaser in exactly two hours thirty minutes. Here it is:

HYPNOTIZED BY HOPE PILOT

FADE IN:

INT. KARMA KLUB – NIGHT

Several tiered rows of occupied tables face the stage, where Hypnotist JOSHUA HOPE performs a hypnosis show. Dignified LILLY BRANDON and Develish QUINTEN QUEBECK sit alone among customers dressed to reflect their bohemian free spirits.

On stage TWO MEN, THREE WOMEN, weirdly dressed volunteers, and sexily dressed SALLY SINGLETON, sit on stools awaiting Joshua’s suggestions.

The audience reacts with glee throughout the following.

JOSHUA

(to audience)

See how comfortable they look? That’s because being hypnotized feels good.

(to volunteers)

All of you will have a wonderful time tonight, and when you awaken from your hypnotic trance, you’ll be very glad you did everything I asked you to do. No embarrassment, no chagrin–just joy that you starred in my show tonight.

All six smile and nod agreement.

JOSHUA

Take a deep breath and think of a famous celebrity or super hero that you truly admire.

All six sit up straight, breathe deeply, and seem to visualize someone they truly like.

JOSHUA

How would you like to talk to that person? A one-to-one phone conversation?

A cacophony of ‘yes, yes’ and demonstrative nods.

JOSHUA

You can, you know. Your right shoe is a secret telephone that leads direct to the one you admire.

All quickly remove their right shoes and place them to their ears.

JOSHUA

Your hero is talking to you now, telling you exactly how you can be just like him, or her, or whatever. Very soon you’ll have the urge to walk around the stage just like your hero would do.

One by one each arises and struts around the stage while Joshua keeps talking.

JOSHUA

(to biggest man)

Do you want to tell me who you are?

BIG MAN

(flexing his bicep)

Arnold Schweneger.

JOSHUA

Good man!

(to oldest women)

You look very stately and self-assured.

OLDEST WOMAN

(straightening an imaginary crown on her head)

I am Queen Elizabeth to tell you the report of my death was a conspiracy theory.

JOSHUA

We’d love to hear more about that, but we have too many other celebrities to meet right now.

(to other woman)

You see very pleased with yourself.

OTHER WOMAN

I am. I am. I’m Carlotta King, daughter of the great Martin Luther King Jr.

JOSHUA

You’d be wise to follow in your father’s footsteps.

SMALLER MAN

(eager for his turn)

I did that.

JOSHUA

You did, did you? Want to tell me ‘bout that?

SMALLER MAN

I am Napoleon who was never defeated at Waterloo.

JOSHUA

I never heard of your father.

SMALLER MAN

If I had one, I don’t remember, but I do remember what I did to people who ignored me.

JOSHUA

We’d better not go there.

(to Sally)

Let’s go instead to this young lady here who’s just as beautiful as a rose–

SALLY

(lifting her face close to his)

Ready to blossom at your command.

JOSHUA

Aren’t you a temptress though!

SALLY

Come on to my house, my housa come on.

Sally tries to pull Joshua’s face down for a kiss.

JOSHUA

(to audience)

Can I help it if she thinks she’s Rosemary Clooney?

He puts his arm around the back of Sally’s waist.

JOSHUA

(to other five subjects)

All of you have been wonderful as those you admire. If you like the feeling, you’ll find you can bring it back anytime you think of your hero, but for now keep that feeling as you take your seats and watch for a while.

Joshua extends his arm around the front of Sally’s waist. She snuggles closer to him.

JOSHUA

You’re very comfortable here in my arm, so comfortable you simply melt and relax and lean down over my arm. Just let both your arms drop and know that you’re very safe as I lift you off the floor and let you dangle from my arm.

The audience gasps as Sally hair flies toward the floor. Joshua smirks as he balances her on his hip and walks around the stage.

JOSHUA

(to audience)

There are different levels of hypnosis. Some people resist and can’t be hypnotized at all. Most can be hypnotized with short hypnotic relaxation, followed with the proper suggestions. Then there are the few who can zonk out when I lower my voice without a single suggestion. I call them somnabulists–the term used for sleepwalkers. Forget dangling a medallion in front of a person’s eyes. That show biz stuff, not reality.

(to Sally)

Carrying you around has been fun, lovely lady, but after awhile you get heavy. So I’m going to put you down now.

Joshua makes sure Sally’s feet are on the floor, then slowly removes his arm and help her straighten up from the waist.

The audience laughs, applauds, and shouts wows.

Smaller man jumps from his chair and grabs Joshua’s arm.

SMALLER MAN

Do me! O me!

Joshua directs him back to his chair.

JOSHUA

(to Smaller man)

We’ll do more in a minute.

(to Sally)

How did that feel?

SALLY

I loved it, I loved it!

JOSHUA

You’re a tremendous hypnotic subject. So you could use hypnosis for just about anything. Right now, what would you like more than anything else in the world.

SALLY

To work for you.

All in the audience laugh, except Lilly.

JOSHUA

That could be arranged.

SALLY

Then arrange it.

JOSHUA

Consider it done. See you at 8:30 tomorrow morning right in this building. Eleventh floor.

The kiss Sally plants on his lips is shortened by Joshua’s drawing back.

JOSHUA

Take your seat now, like a good girl. We’re got funny stuff to do.

MONTAGE: QUICK GLIMPSES OF THE SIX ON STAGE FROWNING AS THEY HOLD THEIR NOSES AGAINST A FOWL SMELL, USING BOTH HANDS LIKE CLIMBING A LADDER, BUMPING INTO EACH OTHER AS THEY DANCE THE HULA, RUBBING THEIR STOMACHS WHILE HOLDING THEIR NOSES AND STICKING OUT THEIR TONGUES, PUFFING THEIR CHESTS UP LOOKING VERY PROUD.

JOSHUA

You have every right to be proud, and you’ll keep that feeling of pride now as you awaken. Close your eyes now and feel a sensation in your face and neck. Let it flow down through your torso and all the way into your fingers and toes. You’re almost awake now. Three, two, one. Open your eyes.

The audience applauds as all open their eyes, take happy bows, and join their friends in the audience.

JOSHUA

(to audience)

Thanks for coming to our show tonight. You’ve been a great audience.

Lilly grabs him as he steps down from the stage.

Quinten smirks and gets close enough to hear.

LILLY

Tell me you’re joking about hiring another Suzy Q Sexy.

JOSHUA

Aw, come on, Lilly. You can always use the extra help.

LILLY

Since when have they ever been helpful?

JOSHUA

She could free you up to spend more time on the book.

LILLY

You know how to go right for my weakness, don’t you? Are you ever going to let me have a win?

Quinten clears his throat and moves in closer.

QUINTEN

I presume there’ve been numerous Suzy Q Sexies before.

JOSHUA

I presume it’s none of your business.

QUINTEN

Everything is my business, Joshua Hope. I am Quinten Quebeck with the “National Intrigue” here in Tulsa to write a story about you.

JOSHUA

How about that, Lilly? You wanted some national publicity, and here’s the guy wanting to give it to us.

Lilly glares at Joshua.

JOSHUA

(to Quinten)

Stop by our office any time. Sit in on a weight control or stop smoking session. See some of our past TV shows. Maybe get some hypnotic help with any problem yu might have.

QUINTEN

I’ll be stopping by all right. You’ll be seeing me very soon.

Quinten salutes as he heads for the exit.

LILLY

(distraught)

Joshua…. The “National Intrigue” is a scandal sheet. They’re in the business of destroying reputations.

JOSHUA

I know that, Lilly. But we’ll have fun outwitting him at his own game.

LILLY

YOU’ll have fun, Joshua.

JOSHUA

But you won’t be bored, Lilly. Stick with me, and you’ll never be bored.

Lilly’s face shows that is her reluctant truth.

[Lenore]

BWTV Mod 3 – Lesson 12

Lenore Bechtel’s Outline with Intrigue

What I learned from this assignment is that the more intrigues, open loops, empathy/distress, and setups the better.

TITLE: HYPNOTIZED BY HOPE

CONCEPT: Lilly must navigate the chaos of Hypnotist Joshua Hope’s zany methods and the antics of his new-hire Sally while keeping scandal reporter Quinten at bay.

TURNING POINT: Joshua hypnotizes Timothy, who thinks he’s invisible, to believe he and Dr. Dan, psychiatrist who referred him, can also be invisible.

A STORY: Lilly arranges for Joshua’s unorthodox treatments for Timothy and Tyrell while trying to hide them from Quinten.

B STORY: Timothy has trouble adjusting to visibility.

C STORY: Shay, the son Lilly gave up for adoption, comes to investigate his birth mother.

TEASER.

INT. KARMA KLUB – NIGHT

Start: Several tiered rows of occupied tables face the stage, where Joshua performs a hypnosis show. Intriguing world: Most customers’ attire reflects individuality and bohemian free spiritl.

Challenging situation: Will Joshua get volunteers on stage with to do as he wants?

Conflict: Lilly’s stern face and Quinten’s evil smiling one contrast with the highly appreciative audience. Mystery: What’s the stern woman’s relationship to Joshua? Mystery: Who is the evil smiling one?

Action: Joshua quickly hypnotizes six people six ways, then puts Sally under his arm and walks gloatingly around. On stage, dialogue between Joshua and Sally result in him hiring her to work in his office. Hidden layer: Lilly reacts with horror.

Finish: Quinten smirks and takes notes. Lillly tells Joshua these shows diminish his reputation and says he’d better be joking about hiring Sally. Wound: Has he hired pretty girls before? He’s not, and Lilly’s distraught. Empathy: And it’s Lilly who has to give them jobs to do?

ACT 1

1: INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – DAY

The room has a receptionist desk with a complicated telephone, two tall filing cabinets, a medical-type scale, a reclining chair next to a CD player with headphones, and six chairs for waiting clients.

An archway nead the middle leads to the group room and the CD/TV maintenance room. A door on one side leads to Joshua’s office. Two doors on the opposite side lead to Lilly’s office and the 11th floor hallway of Tulsa Towers.

Start: Lilly paces, impatiently waiting for Joshua who is behind closed doors.

Challening Situation: Lilly tells Vicki that they need to keep Quinten from finding out about Joshua’s weird treatments for weird patients. Setup: Quinten is coming to write an expose.

Conflict: Vicki, reading National Intrigue, admires Quinten for putting so many bad people out of business. Empathy for Lilly having such a naive employee.

Action: Sally shows a picture Quinten took last night at the show. More empathy for Lilly for this new naive employee.

Finish: Vicki says Joshua is being briefed by Dr. Dan about a new patient he’s referring.

Mystery: Why is a psychiatrist referring a client to a hypnotist.

2: INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Joshua’s desk and chair, plus two reclining chairs, dominate the room’s amusing, masculine decor. Intriguing world: Why does both the reception room and Joshua’s office have reclining chairs?

Start: Dr. Dan admits he’s referring Timothy before his insurance runs out. Open loop: What has money got to do with this?

Challenging situation: Dr. Dan hasn’t helped Timothy, who thinks he’s invisible, but can Joshua? Conspiracy: Joshua’s sideway smile and assurance indicate his prescribed cure is sure to be weird.

Conflict: Dr. Dan believes long term psychotherapy more benefiicial than short-term hypnotherpy. Deception: Dr. Dan had his chance with psychotherapy with Timothy, but failed to help him.

Action: Joshua throws Dr. Dan’s lengthy referral into his “to file” box, finding the only thing interesting being Timothy’s distrust of banks because one confiscated his entire $500 in maintenance fees. Setup: Why does this fact interest Joshua?

Finish: Dr. Dan agrees to participate in anything Joshua plans to help Timothy. Open loop: What can the plan possibly be?

3: INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Start: Sally reports she’s ruined Joshua’s master CDs, but Joshua forgives her. Mystery: Just what is Sally’s relationship with Joshua?

Challenging situation: Tyrell gets free appointment, but Joshua won’t tell why. Empathy for Lilly who runs the office and feels she deserve to know.

Conflict: Lilly was waiting to talk to Joshua and doesn’t like it when he sees Tyrell first. Mystery: Why is Tyrell important enough for Joshua to antagonize Lilly?

Action: Joshua’s happy-go-lucky attitude changes as he take Tyrell into his office.

Mystery: Why is Joshua not as happy as he pretended to be when Tyrell arrived?

Finish: Lilly storms into her office, but restrains herself from slamming the door. Imminent threat: Lilly hoped to warn Joshua that Quinten was coming to write a scandal, which would ruin their chances of book publication and success.

4. LILLY’S PRIVATE OFFICE – LATER

The cluttered desk, big computer monitor, filing cabinet with one drawer half opened, and pictureless walls reflect its occupant’s no-nonsense get-down-to-business attitude.

Start: Joshua comes to Lilly’s office. Strange behavior: Joshua, who’s never serious, apologizes for seeing Tyrell before her.

Challenging situation: Lilly reports that Quinten is coming to uncover a scandal. Open loop: When will Quinten arrive?

Conflict: Joshua laughs that this office is the place to find one. Empathy for Lilly, who badly wants Joshua not to do crazy things when Quinten is around.

Action: Joshua massages Lilly’’s shoulders, gives her five $100 bills, and asks her to set up a fake bank robbery. Suspicion: Lilly touches is hand on her shoulder. Is she hiding affection for him?

Finish: After arguing against Joshua’s plan, Lilly gets on the phone with Tulsa Tower’s bank manager. Open loop: Will the fake bank robbery take place?

5. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Start: Timothy creeps into the office and startles Vicki. Irony: Although he thinks he’s invisible, he seems always as if he’s trying to hide himself.

Challenging situation: Vicki seats him and puts earphones on him.

Conflict: Timothy rebels when Vicki touches him. Mystery: Has he never been touched by a woman before?

Finish: He settles down and listens to Joshua’s pre-conditioning CD.

6. INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Timothy won’t let Vicki lead him, so she motions him into Joshua’s office.

Challenging situation: Joshua pretends he can’t see him. Deception: Joshua tells him he and Dr. Dan can also be invisible any time they want.

Conflict: Timothy argues that Joshua is lying to him about he and Dr. Dan also being invisible. Strange behavior: Every movement Timothy makes is slinky and scared.

Finish: Joshua hypnotizes Timothy and sets him up to believe everything he’s told him is true. Hidden layer: He sets him up to fall into a hypnotic trance every time Joshua says “sleep.”

7. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Timothy slinks out of Joshua’s office. Empathy for Timothy, who truly does need help.

Challenging situation: Vicki and Lilly don’t know how Joshua wants them to react.

Conflict: Both say know when Joshua asks if they saw Timothy, but Sally comes in, heads toward Timothy, and asks, “Who’s this good looking guy?”

Action: Timothy screams and exits, screaming that Joshua is crazy and his office is full of crazy women.

Finish: Joshua smiles and says, “He’ll be back.” Open loop: Will he be back?

ACT 2

8. INT. LILLY’S PRIVATE OFFICE – LATER

Start: Joshua confirms that Lilly has the bank robbery set up.

Challenging situation: They argue about Sally ineptness.

Conflict: Lilly explodes when Joshua says Sally will each exercise classes.

Finish: Vicki buzzes to let Lilly know a woman named Kathy wants to see her and that Timothy is back in Joshua’s office. A shocked Lilly grabs Kathy and they exit quickly to take the $500 to the bank. Mystery: Why was Lilly shocked to see Kathy? Who is she anyway?

9. INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – DAY

Start: Timothy’s eyes close as Joshua talks to him.

Challenging situation: He frowns as Joshua tells him he and Dr. Dan are going to be invisible too.

Conflict: He smiles when Joshua tells him he’s going to steal back the money the bank stole from him.

Finish: Joshua tells him how easy their escapade will be, and he looks confident as he awakens.

10. INT. ELEVATOR – LATER

One of the advertisements scattered among mirrors on the elevator walls features Joshua’s weight control TV show.

Start: Joshua says “sleep,” Timothy falls into a trance, and Dr. Dan catches him.

Challenging situation: Dr. Dan is not happy with what they’re about to do.

Conflct: Dr. Dan argues that Joshua should be able to hypnotize Timothy to believe he’s visible.

Finish: Joshua gives Dr. Dan the option to opt out.

11. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Start: Quinten enters and announces who he is. Imminent threat: He’ll be in the office when Joshua returns with Timothy after the fake bank robbery.

Challenging situation: Lilly bursts from her office to keep Quinten at bay.

Conflict: Quinten is not intereted in seeing a Joshua TV show, as Lilly suggests.

Action: Vicki flirts with Quinten, who shows interest until Sally comes on the scene.

Finish: To Lilly’s relief, he’s interested in letting Sally show him some CDs. .

12. INT. BANK – MOMENTS LATER

The small bank has only two teller stations, an alcove with the manager’s desk, and a chair at the entrance where a guard sometimes sits.

Start: Timothy, Dr. Dan, and Joshua walk boldly into the bank.

Challenging situation: Timothy stops and shivers in front of a bank guard who pretends not to see him.

Conflict: Not able to use language and spoil the invisible illusion, Joshua physically pushes Timothy to the spot where a bank teller is counting out $20 bills.

MONTAGE: Timothy repeatedly pulls out one $20 bill at a time.

13. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Start: Maudie, a weight client, tells Vicki she’ll sit and wait until Joshua gets back. Mystery: Why did she come to see Joshua without an appointment?

Challenging situation: Bernadine bursts in, immediately going into a past life regression. Mystery: Why does she come to Joshua’s office to have her breakthroughs.

Conflict: Lilly starts recording Bernadine and tries unsuccessfully to guide her to the group room. Mystery: Why is recording the breakthrough as important to Lilly as getting her out of the reception room so Quinten won’t see her?

Action: Sally brings Quinten back to the reception room. Empathy for Lilly who has too much distress to handle this time.

Finish: Vicki and Lilly both try to steer them all into the group room.

14. INT. BANK – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Start: Timothy picks up the last $500.

Challening situation: The teller looks up and screams.

Conflict: Timothy stumbles over the bank guard as they run out.

Action: Joshua helps Timothy up.

Finish: The three shout “Hurrah” as they exit the bank.

15. INT. ENCLOSED STAIRWAY – MOMENTS LATER

Concrete stairs lead up then back to each floor of the 16 story building.

Start: Timothy can’t see Joshua or Dr. Dan, so Joshua hypnotizes him and tells him they’re no longer invisible, and they start the ascent from first floor to the eleventh.

Challenging situation: Timothy is so happy about being seen, he keeps stopping and jumping up and down.

Conflict: Joshua wants them to keep running, but out-of-breath Dr. Dan prefers taking breaks and listening to Timothy’s delight at being visible.

Finish: Out of breath, they finally make it to the eleventh floor.

16. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: The three run in to the reception room where Bernadine is having a breakthrough, witnessed by Maudie, Sally, and Quinten as Lilly and Vicki try to push all toward the group room.

Challenging situation: Dr. Dan bumps into Bernadine and is immediately fascinated by her.

Conflict: Timothy bumps into Maudie, exposing her fat disguise. Mystery: Why has Maudie padded her body to look fat?

Action: Sally reveals to Quinten the Maudie was the subject of the last TV show, but an astounded Lilly assures him the show will be re-shot with a new subject.

Finish: To Lilly’s dismay, Sally leads Quinten toward the CD room to see the bad Maudie show. Imminent threat: Publicity that Joshua used a fake fatty on his show to impress with a fake weight loss would certainly get his show cancelled and damage his reputation.

ACT 3

17. INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Joshua finds out that Maudie pretended to be fat because of a suggestion he gave her at a Chamber of Commerce show.

Challenging situation: He has set her up to enjoy being around him and helping him on stage.

Conflict: She had not taken the suggestion when he told her it was for one night only.

Action: He hypnotizes her.

Finish: He tells her she’s now a confident person, not needing to be around anyone else to feel good about herself. Just the opposite, she will now always be bold, aggressive, and happy all by herself.

18. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Joshua introduces Timothy to Maudie takes his arm, almost discombobulating him, and lures him out for coffee.

Challenging situation: Shay, who says he’s there to research hypnosis for a term paper, begs Joshua for some of his time. Shay has a hidden agenda which Joshua soon discovers.

Conflict: Vicki tells Joshua that Tyrell called and is coming back. Secret: Why does Tyrell feel free to come in unaccounced twice the same day?

Finish: Joshua takes Shay into his office.

19. INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Joshua asks Shay if he’d like to be hypnotized.

Challenging sitatuioon: Shay says he doubt he could be, but starts nodding off when Joshua lowers his voice.

Conflict: Joshua recognizes that Shay is lying to him.

Finish: Shay tells him the truth: He wants a chance to investigate Lilly, his birth mother.

20. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: As Joshua and Shay enter, Vicki tells Joshua that Tyrell is listening to a pre-conditioning CD.. Then she flirts with Shay.

Challenging situation: Sally slinks and Quinten smirks as he tells Joshua he’s seen the bad Maudie show. Lilly rushes from her office with a schedule for filming a new one.

Conflict: Joshua announces he’s hired Shay to handle CD reproduction, and Vicki will teach him. Lilly protests they don’t need more employees.

Finish: Joshua leads Lilly aside and tells her to find a safe that can’t be opened for part of Tyrell’s treatment.

MONTAGE INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE JOSHUA GRINNING AS HE GIVES SUGGESTIONS TO A HYPNOTIZED TYRELL.

21. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Start: Vicki cleans up her desk, getting ready to leave for the day.

Challenging situation: Also getting ready to leave, Lilly announces she’s on her way to pick up what’s needed for Tyrell’s treatment and she might come in late tomorrow.

Conflict: Entering from the CD room with Sally, Quinten announces he’s well on his way to putting Joshua out of business. Sally asks Lilly to make it by 9 tomorrow for her exercise class.

Finish: Kathy comes in, embarrassing and dismaying Lilly by inviting her out to dinner and more. Suspicion: Are Kathy and Lilly lesbian lovers?

ACT 4

22. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – NEXT DAY

Start: Sally moves chairs around in preparation for her exercise class.

Challenging situation: Lilly arrives, is glad to find Maudie and Vicki as Sally’s only participants, and says they should cancel the class.

Conflict: Ruining Lilly’s planned cancellation, Dr. Dan arrives, doing a favor for a buddy by exercising with Sally who leads them in a routine she calls “Six with Sally.”

Finish: Joshua joins the exercisers and announces “Six with Sally” will now become a segment on his TV show. Lilly nearly collapses. Distress for Lilly who puts up with a lot, but Empathy for Sally who seems dumb but has received two promotions in only two days on the job.

23. INT. DR. DAN’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATE MORNING

A receptionist desk sits in front of a wall of filing cabinets and ten chairs flank the walls, covered with modern art of various shrunken heads. A silver door leads to Dr. Dan’s office.

Start: Lilly pulls a safe into Dr. Dan’s reception room.

Challenging situation: Receptionist Dixie tries to get her to leave because the office closes for lunch.

Conflict: Lilly pushes past her and opens door to Dr. Dan’s private office.

Finish: Dr. Dan asks, “Didn’t I do enough for my buddy yesterday?”

24. INT. DR. DAN’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

A barrel chair sits next to a reclining chaise across from an ornate desk in this flamboyant room with touches of silver throughout. Dr. Dan’s safe is behind what appears to be a regular cabinet door.

Start: Lilly explains that Joshua needs this unopenable safe in his office for a treatment for Tyrell. Aha! Joshua must be planning a fake safecracking attempt!

Challenging situation: They have trouble moving Dr. Dan’s actual safe into his private bathroom as they discuss who Tyrell truly might be. Secret identity: They exchange possibilities about why Joshua wants him kept secret.

Conflict: With the fake safe in its spot, Dr. Dan has apprehensions about the scheme, afraid Tyrell might steal something else when he finds he can’t open the safe.

Finish: Lilly persuades him that Joshua will be with Tyrell and will not let that happen. Hidden layer: Lilly’s assurance that Joshua will pay for anything lost says much about Joshua’s morality.

25. INT. TULSA TOWER CAFETERIA – LUNCH HOUR

Booths flank two walls and tables for six fill the center of this room at the end of the cafeteria line.

Start: Lilly and Kathy talk seriously as they eat lunch in a corner booth. Mystery: Their conversation will not be heard. What could it be about?

Challenging situation: Quinten eavesdrops and gleefully takes notes on their conversation.

Conflict: Quinten snaps a picture of them, thanking Lilly for spicing up his Joshua story.

Finish: Lilly tells Kathy she’ll give her an answer at Bernadine’s show opening tonight.

MONTAGE: JOSHUA AND TYRELL GO UP ELEVATOR, THEN DOWN HALL, AND JOSHUA USES A KEY TO SNEAK THROUGH DR. DAN’S RECEPTION ROOM TO HIS OFFICE.

26. INT. DR. DAN’S PRIVATE OFFICE—MOMENTS LATER

Start: Joshua stands guard as Tyrell repeatedly fails to open the safe.

Challenging situation: Joshua talks Tyrell out of using the bathrooom.

Conflict: Tyrell opens Dr. Dan’s desk drawers, finds a petty cash envelope, and he and Joshua argue about what to do with it. Joshua solves the argument by hypnotizing him to put it back.

Finish: They leave to go back to Joshua’s office to continue Tyrell’s treatment.

27. INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Tyrell reclines in the chair closest to Joshua’s desk.

Challenging situation: Tyrell looks very tempted when Joshua drops Dr. Dan’s office key on his desk next to a stapler.

Conflict: Tyrell says he doesn’t want to be hypnotized and doesn’t realize he already is.

Action: Joshua says, “When you wake up, you won’t remember a thing I told you but you’ll do exactly what I’m going to tell you to do.”

Finish: The key is no longer on the desk next to the stapler.

28. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Start: Dr. Dan and Timothy—in crisis—lumber in, their repartee bringing Lilly right out of her office.

Challlenging situation: Timothy is plagued with guilt about stealing $500 and wants to take it back.

Conflict: Joshua is in session with a stop smoking group being watched by Quinten.

Finish: Lilly steers Dr. Dan and Timothy into Joshua’s office to wait.

29. INT. LILLY’S OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Lilly phones the bank manager and explains the situation.

Challenging situation: The bank has lots of customers.

Conflict: Lilly tells the bank manager Joshua will have to cancel the two remaining appointments needed to maintain her 15-year-old son’s cure from thumb sucking unless she helps him with this one. Strange behavior: This probably the first time in Lilly’s life that she’s ever issued a threat.

Finish: The bank manager says when Lilly calls that they’re on their way, she’ll tell all customers what’s going on.

MONTAGE OF SMOKING GROUP ONE BY ONE SHAKING JOSHUA’S HAND AND THEN INHALING AND EXHALING BIG BREATHS.

30. INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Timothy says he needs to return the money he stole.

Challenging situation: He’s already spent 88 of the 500 dollars.

Conflict: Dr. Dan seethes as Joshua explains how that happens to be the exact amount of rebate Dr. Dan owes Timothy for his last two appointments. $44 each.

Finish: Lilly opens Joshua’s office door, nods at Joshua, and Joshua nods back.

MONTAGE OF CUSTOMERS WATCHING IN AMAZEMENT AS JOSHUA, DR. DAN, AND TIMOTHY STRIDE CONFIDENTLY INTO THE BANK AND TIMOTHY PUTS BILLS BACK ON A STACK THE TELLER COUNTS.

31. INT. BANK – CONTINUOUS

Start: Timothy puts the last bill in the stack the teller counts.

Challenging situatiion: The teller screams and customers scream.

Conflict: The bank guard pretends to try to catch Timothy.

Finish: The three escape to the stairwell.

32. INT. STAIRWALL – MOMENTS LATER

Start: As they start the climb up, Timothy feels his body, and complains that he can’t stay invisible anymore.

Challenging situation: Dr. Dan, painfully huffing, complains that invisibility is too strenuous.

Conflict: Timothy regrets that he no longer will be able to have invisible adventures with Joshua and Dr. Dan.

Finish: Dr. Dan insist they go up only to the second floor, then get out to take the elevator.

33. INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: The Three enter and find Bernadine being interviewed by Quinten, with Shay and Sally listening, but pretending to be searching for something in the filing cabinet.

Challenging situation: Bernadine recognizes Timothy from a previous life and invites him to her opening tonight. He says he already has a date. She says to bring her.

Conflict: Sally gives Timothy two CDs ordered by Joshua: Overcome Shyness and Enjoy Sexual Pleasure. Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s treatment—too much too soon.

Action: Quinten confronts Lilly about Kathy, and Lilly tells him Kathy was a man when the two were married. Mystery: Why has Lilly’s ex-hussband now returned as a woman? What can she possibly want?

Finish: Joshua and Shay hear her confession—Shay with horror (Might Kathy be his father?), Joshua with delight—maybe pretended, maybe not. Vicki is stunned and Sally loves it.

ACT 5

34. INT. KARMA KLUB – NIGHT

Start: Dr. Dan, with his wife Gina, sit at a front center table with Joshua, Vicki, Shay, and Sally. Lilly and Kathy sit at a dark corner booth.

Challenging situation: Just as lights are lowered, Maudie drags timid Timothy in, and they semi-hide at a back booth, conspicuous among the weirdly dressed crowd.

Conflict: Bernadine finishes the first song of her act with a reprimand to Quinten for snapping pictures of all of the above.

Finish: Bernadine begins a let-go-and-let-love meditation to restore the audience’s serentiy.

35. INT. DR. DAN’S PRIVATE OFFICE – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Start: Tyrell tries repeatedly and unsuccessfuly to open the unopenable safe.

Challenging situation: Hearing someone come into the reception room, Tyrell hides under the desk.

Conflict: Two police barge in, handcuff him, and read him his rights.

Finish: Tyrell tells them Joshua hypnotized him and told him to commit this crime.

36. INT. KARMA KLUB – CONTINUOUS

Start: Gina doesn’t like Dr. Dan’s fascination with Bernardine as she sings and drums to a song about reincarnation.

Challenging situation: As she takes her bow, two police barge in, pulling Tyrell.

Conflict: They confront Joshua and say Tyrell blamed him for his failed safecracking attempt.

Action:

Bernardine gets Tyrell on stage and entices his accusations against Joshua. Tyrell describes every detail of Joshua’s involvement in vivid terms.

Lilly weeps and collapses in Kathy’s arms. Open loop: What was the answer she promised to give Kathy this night? What was the question?

Timothy weeps and collapses into Maudie’s arms. Open loop: Without Joshua, will Timothy be able to adapt to visibility?

Vicki tries to collapse into Shay’s, but he resists. Open loop: Will Vicki ever find the right guy to flirt with? Will Shay stick around and let Lilly know she’s his mother?

Gina puts a protective arm around Dr. Dan who slumps as if trying not to be noticed. Open loop: Will Dr. Dan have sense enough to restrain his enthrallment with Bernadine?

Both policemen blow shrill whistles, and a hush falls over the nightclub.

Finish: The police ask Joshua, “Are you responsible for this man’s attempted safecracking tonight?” Joshua smiles and says “yes.” Open loop & Secret: Why did Tyrell’s treatment involve exposing Joshua’s involvement?

Quinten gleefully films it all. Open loop: What can Joshua do to keep Quinten from writing his expose? Open loop: How did Joshua meet Tyrell in the first place?

BLACKOUT

The teaser for Episode 2 will have Tyrell playing piano on stage, with Bernadine singing and playing her frame drum. Joshua had not only set Tyrell up for a second safecracking failure, he’d set up the police to catch him, make him confess Joshua’s involvement, and bring him to the Karma Klub where he could have his musical talent appreciated.

[Lenore]

BWTV Mod 3 – Lesson 10

Lenore Bechtel’s Beat Sheet

What I learned from this assignment: A Beat Sheet is a simple list of each scene. I knew Final Draft software had a beat sheet section, and now I know what it’s for. However, I found writing it in my word processing software was speedier than trying to put it into Final Draft.

CONCEPT: Lilly must navigate the chaos of Hypnotist Joshua’s zany methods and the antics of his new-hire Sally while keeping scandal reporter Quinten at bay.

TURNING POINT: Joshua hypnotizes Timothy to believe he and Dr. Dan can also be invisible.

A STORY: Lilly arranges for Joshua’s unorthodox treatments for Timothy and Tyrell.

B STORY: Timothy who thinks he’s invisible has trouble adjusting to visibility.

C STORY: Shay, the son Lilly gave up for adoption, comes to investigate his birth other.

BEAT SHEET:

TEASER.

INT. KARMA KLUB – NIGHT

Joshua quickly hypnotizes six people six ways, then puts Sally under his arm and walks gloatingly around.

Lilly’s stern face and Quinten’s evil smiling one contrast with the highly appreciative audience. On stage, dialogue between Joshua and Sally result in him hiring her to work in his office

Show finished, Quinten smirks and takes notes. Lillly tells Joshua these shows diminish his reputation and says he’d better be joking about hiring Sally. He’s not, and Lilly’s distraught.

ACT 1

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – DAY

Lilly tells Vicki that they need to keep Quinten from finding out about Joshua’s weird treatments for weird patients.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Dr. Dan briefs Joshua about Timothy, who thinks he’s invisible.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Sally ruins Joshua’s masters,

Tyrell gets free appointment, but Joshua won’t tell why.

LILLY’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Lilly protests, but sets up a fake bank robbery.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Joshua hypnotizes Timothy and sets him up to believe he and Dr. Dan can be invisible too.

Timothy runs away.

ACT 2

INT. LILLY’S PRIVATE OFFICE – DAY

Joshua tells Lilly that Sally will teach exercise classes.

Kathy, who used to be Kevin, talks with Lilly behind closed doors.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – DAY

Timothy’s eyes are closed as Joshua talks to him.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – DAY

As Timothy and Joshua enter from Joshua’s office, Bernadine stops having a breakthrough and ends up taking Timothy to lunch.

Joshua tells Lilly to rearrange the fake bank robber.

INT. ELEVATOR – LATER

Joshua hypnotizes Timothy and Dr. Dan catches him.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Lilly tries to keep Quinten at bay.

INT. BANK – MOMENTS LATER

As bank teller counts out $20 bills, Timothy repeatedly pulls one out until the teller looks up and screams.

INT. ENCLOSED STAIRWAY – MOMENTS LATER

Joshua, Dr. Dan, and Timothy pant as they run from first floor to the eleventh.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

The three run in and Dr. Dan bumps into Bernadine, who is having a breakthrough. Timothy bumps into Maudie, exposing her fat disguise.

Sally reveals to Quinten the Maudie was the subject of the last TV show, but Lilly assures him the show will be re-shot with a new subject.

ACT 3

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Joshua fixes Maudie.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Joshua introduces Timothy to Maudie who lures him out for coffee.

Joshua takes Shay, who says he’s there to research hypnosis for a term paper, into his office.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Joshua gets the truth out of Shay, who’s there to investigate Lilly, his birth mother.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Vicki tells Joshua that Tyrell his next private. Then she flirts with Shay.

Sally offers to show Quinten the bad Maudie show, amusing Joshua, infuriating Lilly.

Joshua announces he’s hired Shay to handle CD reproduction, and Vicki will teach him

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Joshua grins as he gives suggestions to hypnotized Tyrell.

INT. LILLY’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Joshua tells Lilly to find a safe that can’t be opened for part of Tyrell’s treatment.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Quinten announces he’s well on his way to putting Joshua out of business.

ACT 4

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – NEXT DAY

Sally’s exercise class is such a hit Joshua decides to make it a segment on his TV show.

INT. DR. DAN’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Lilly pulls a safe in and tells Dr. Dan’s receptionist she must see the doctor

INT. DR. DAN’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Lilly and Dr. Dan put his real safe in his private bathroom and put the unopenable one in the proper spot. She asks Dr. Dan to have his office empty during lunch hour.

INT. TULSA TOWER CAFETERIA – LUNCH HOUR

Quinten eavesdrops and gleefully takes notes on Lilly and Kathy having lunch.

MONTAGE: JOSHUA AND TYRELL GO UP ELEVATOR, THEN DOWN HALL, AND JOSHUA USES A KEY TO SNEAKILY ENTER DR. DAN’S RECEPTION ROOM.

INT. DR. DAN’S PRIVATE OFFICE—MOMENTS LATER

Joshua stands guard as Tyrell repeatedly fails to open the safe.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Joshua drops Dr. Dan’s office key on his desk, then turn to console Tyrell.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Dr. Dan and Timothy—in crisis—lumber in. Lilly rearranges another bank prank.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Timothy spent some of the $500, so Joshua tricks Dr. Dan into giving him $200.

INT. BANK – LATER

Joshua, Dr. Dan, and Timothy stride confidently invisible into the bank.

Instead of taking bills from the stack the teller counts, Timothy puts bills back.

When he puts the last bill back, the teller screams, and they must escape again.

INT. STAIRWALL – MOMENTS LATER

They huff and puff up to the eleventh floor.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Bernadine, in the middle of a breakthrough with Quinten watching, recognizes Timothy from a previous life. Invited him to the opening of her new show tonight. Dr. Dan is bedazzled by Bernadine.

Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s treatment—to dates too much too soon.

Joshua gives Timothy two CDs: Overcome Shyness an Enjoy Sexual Pleasure.

Quinten confronts Lilly about Kathy, and Lilly tells him Kathy was a man when the two were married. Joshua, Shay and Vicki hear her confession—Shay with horror, Joshua with delight—maybe pretended, maybe not.

ACT 5

INT. KARMA KLUB – NIGHT

Dr. Dan and Joshua sit at the front table with Vicki and Shay. Sally and Quinten sit behind them. Lilly and Kathy sit at a dark corner booth.

Just as lights are lowered, Maudie drags timid Timothy in, and they semi-hide at a back booth, inconspicuous among the weirdly dressed crowd.

INT. DR. DAN’S PRIVATE OFFICE – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Tyrell tries repeatedly and unsuccessfully to open the unopenable safe. Two police barge in, handcuff him, and read him his rights. Tyrell blames Joshua.

INT. KARMA KLUB – CONTINUOUS

Bernardine sings and drums to song about reincarnation. As she takes her bow, two police barge in, pulling Tyrell. They confront Joshua, whom Tyrell has blamed for his failed safecracking attempt.

Bernardine jumps into a breakthrough and entices Tyrell’s accusations against Joshua, who admits his involvements. Quinten gleefully films it all.

Lilly weeps and collapses in Kathy’s arms. Maudie weeps and collapses in Timothy’s arms. Vicki tries to collapse into Shay’s, but he resists.

Dr. Dan jumps on stage and asks Bernadine why she did what she did. She replies that Joshua asked her to.

Joshua smiles a lopsided smile.

BLACKOUT

The teaser for Episode 2 will have Tyrell playing piano on stage, with Bernadine singing and playing her frame drum. Joshua had not only set Tyrell up for a second safecracking failure, he’d set him the police to catch him, make him confess Joshua’s involvement, and bring him to the Karma Klub where he could have his musical talent appreciated.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 3—Lesson 9

Lenore Bechtel’s Setups for Future Episodes

What I learned doing this assignment is that setups go a step beyond open loops in giving the audience the need to know more.

Setups in the pilot:

Will Lilly continue to be able to hide Joshua’s unorthodox treatment methods from Quinten?

Joshua gives Shay a job so he can get to know Lilly, without telling her Shay is her son. Will Lilly find out?

After Lilly’s and Shay’s secret is out, why won’t Lilly tell him who his father is?

Is Shay’s father Lilly’s transgender ex, Kathy who was previously Kevin?

Tyrell knows that Hugh Hitman, a rapist whom Joshua antagonized in prison, will soon be paroled. He has threatened to rape all woman close to Joshua.

What other prisoners might find Joshua and destroy his reputation?

Dr. Dan fears Joshua’s treatment for Timothy was too much, too soon. Will he backslide?

Although happily married, Dr. Dan lusts after Bernadine. Will they have an affair?

After Lilly’s and Shay’s secret it out, why won’tl Lilly tell him who his father is?

Is Shay’s father Lilly’s transgender ex, Kathy who was previously Kevin?

Does Joshua’s continuously compliment Sally because they’re having an affair?

If so, and if Lilly finds out, will she quit her job?

How does Sally sometimes seem so smart when she’s truly such a ditz?

Setups placed in outline: In bold italics.

Pilot Episode for HYPNOTIZED BY HOPE: Invisible Angst

Teaser: Montage of Joshua on stage at the intimate Reincarnation, Tulsa Tower’s nightclub. In the audiece, Lilly’s stern face and Quinten’s evil, smiling one contrast with the highly appreciate audience, especially when Joshua puts beautiful, sexy Sally Singleton under his arm and walks gloatingly around while her feet and hair both barely clear the stage floor. Intrigue: why aren’t Lilly and Quinten enthralled by the show like everyone else?

Turning point: Show finished, sneaky Quinten smirks and takes notes as Lilly tells Joshua these shows diminish his essence and the reputation she’s been trying to help him build. Skeptical empathy with Lilly’s clear anquish at the performance. Sorry she feels betrayed, but is she right or wrong? Intrigue: Why is Quinten taking notes? Joshua protests that shows are fun and bring in lots of clients. Layer and coverup: Joshua appears to be a superficial person more interested having fun than helping clients. At the very end of the pilot, we’ll find out how truly devoted he is to helping those in need.

Hook: Then Joshua shoots his bullet: He’s hired Sally to help Lilly in the office. Lilly’s aghast face says, “Not again!” Empathy with Lilly who now has another employee she didn’t choose, but will have to keep busy. Hidden agenda: Sally is not the inept ditzy blonde she’s pretending to be. We won’t find out until the last episode of the season who she really is.

Act I: Invisible Angst

Essence: Lilly knows Quinten Quebeck is coming to uncover a scandal and fears his story will hurt her chances of finding a publisher for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua. Setup: Will Lilly continue to be able to hide Joshua’s unorthodox treatment methods from Quinten?

She’s skeptical about the treatment Joshua prescribes for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s schizophrenic who thinks he’s invisible. Wound: Timothy has many, the biggest being he scared to be around other people. Another being a distrust of banks because of an account he forgot about once being dropped from $500 to zero because of maintenance fees. Empathy for Timothy who has obviously been treated poorly.

Actions: Dr. Dan briefs Joshua about Timothy. Intrigue: He doesn’t refer patients before their insurance runs out, so why has he? Tyrell gets free appointment and won’t tell Vicki or Lilly why. Intrigue: What secret do he and Joshua share? Sally ruins Joshua’s masters, and Joshua says she’s done him a favor. Intiruge: Is Joshua in a relationship with Sally? Setup: Does Joshua’s continuously compliment Sally because they’re having an affair? If so, and if Lilly finds out, will she quit her job? Lilly protests when Joshua asks her to set up a fake bank robber. Empathy for Lilly who always seems to give in to Joshua’s whims. Anyone who’s done the same to keep a job will empathuze. Intrigue: Will she do something she thinks is wrong, and if she does, why did she? Secret identity: Tyrell is Joshua’s former cell mate. His relationship to Joshua will not be revealed until later seasons, but he’ll be revealed as a safecracker in the last scene of the pilot. Setup: Tyrell knows that Hugh Hitman, a rapist whom Joshua antagonized in prison, will soon be paroled. He has threatened to rape all woman close to Joshua. What other prisoners might find Joshua and destroy his reputation?

Turning point: Lilly forces herself to set up a fake bank robbery for Timothy’s treatment.

Joshua hypnotizes Timothy to believe that both he and Dr. Dan can also be invisible so Timothy can get caught robbing the downstairs bank.

Cliffhanger: Timothy runs away, saying Joshua is crazy.

Act 2: Crime and Visibility

Essence: Lilly’s transgender ex’s visit doesn’t distract her from protecting Joshua and the office’s reputation. Wound: Lilly was devastated both by the marriage and divorce, the details of which she keeps very secret. Intrigue: Why did she marry him and why did he divorce her? Empathy for Lilly who has difficult thing to cope with on and off the job. Setup: Is Shay’s father Lilly’s transgender ex, Kathy who was previously Kevin?

Actions: Joshua decides Sally will teach exercise. Intrigue: Did Sally and Joshua have a date last night? Setup: How does Sally sometimes seem so smart when she’s usually such a ditz? Kathy, Lilly’s transgender ex husband, talks with Lilly behind closed doors. Timothy comes back, and the farciical bank robbery scheme succeeds while Lilly keeps Quinten at bay by showing him one of Joshua’s past TV shows. Bernadine engulfs Timothy, and does what Joshua suggests—takes Timothy to lunch. Intrigue: Will Bernadine seduce Timothy? Fake-fat Maudie is exposed. Empathy for her for needing to see Joshua so badly she padded her body to look fat. Ongoing conspiracy: Bernadine wants Joshua to hypnotize her for past life regressions, but he refuses. She thinks her soul group will move on without her if she doesn’t find and pay off her karmic debt from previous incarnations in this present life. Empathy for Bernadine’s need to have guidance from past lives to know how to live this life right.

Turning point: As the three invisibles escape from the bank to the office, Dr. Dan bumps into Maudie, exposing Maudie’s fat disguise. Hidden relationship history: At a C of C show, Joshua hypnotized Maudie to want to help him on stage, and she liked the suggetion too much to give it up.

Cliffhanger: Quinten sees Maudie’s fat disguise fall out when Dr. Dan bumps into her. Vicki reveals that Maudie was the subject on the just-filmed TV show, and Quinten smirks as Lilly explains they plan to re-shoot the show. More empathy for Lilly whom Quinten seems to be outsmarting.

Act 3: TV Tomfoolery

Essence: Lilly spars with Quinten, and Joshua hires Shay to duplicate CDs and will keep his true identity secret. Setup: Joshua gives Shay a job so he can get to know Lilly, without telling her Shay is her son. Will Lilly find out? Deception: Shay is the son Lilly gave up for adoption, but no one except Joshua will know his identity until late in season one. Empathy for Shay for needing to know his heritage. Intrigue: Is his father the ex who is now Kathy? Intrigue: Why does Shay suddenly want to get to know his birth mother?

Actions: Quinten snoops around. Joshua fixes Maudie and lures Timothy into taking her out. Empathy for Timothy whose scared stiff to be going out with a woman. Lilly hates having another new hire, but likes Shay instantly. Unable to talk Joshua out off his treatment for Tyrell, Lilly finds safe that can’t be opened. More empathy for Lilly as she sets up a treatment which she disapproves of. Reveal: Joshua tells Lilly that Tyrell came for hypnosis to get his safecracking skills back, so he wants to confirm in reality that the skills are lost. Dr. Dan chides Joshua for Timothy’s dates with both Bernadine and Maudie. Vicki flirts with Shay, and he’s flattered. Skeptical empathy for Vicki who seems to need a date so badly she flirts with any single man. Wound: Vicki’s steady high school boyfriend dumped her when he left for college. This will be revealed in later episodes.

Turning point: Sally offers to show Quinten Maudie’s show, amusing Joshua, infuriating Lilly.

Cliffhanger: After seeing the show Quinten announces he’s well on his way to putting Joshua out of business. While Vicki, Sally, and Shay wail about how much they need their jobs, and Lilly looks near collapse, Joshua laughs at the preposterous idea.

Act 4: Exercise Aggravation

Essence: Quinten outsmarts Lilly and discovers items she’d rather keep hidden.

Actions: Lilly puts safe in Dr. Dan’s office. Sally’s exercise class is such a hit that Joshua decides it’ll be part of his TV show. Intrigue: Could Joshua possibly be having a relationship with a low IQer? Timothy has crisis that demands another bank prank, which Lilly arranges, and Dr. Dan participates in. Empathy for Dr. Dan who hates partiipating in Joshua’s cures, but likes helping his patient more. Tyrell and Joshua fail to open safe. Quinten eavesdrops as Lilly and Kathy have lunch at the cafeteria.

Turning point: As the three invisible buddies return from getting caught again as they returned money, Berrnadine is having a breakthrough and recognizes Timothy from a previous life—all with Quinten listening. Empathy for Bernadine who Timothy rescued from a painful life in her breakthrough to a past life and will maybe help her in the incarnation.

Cliffhanger: Quinten confronts Lilly about her relationship with Kathy and rejoicingly tells he’s close to having his story. Reveal: Lilly lets Quinten know that Kathy was a man when the two were married. Joshua, Shay, and Vicki hear her confession—Shay with horror and Joshua with delight—maybe pretended, maybe real.

Act 5: Public confession

Essence: Quinten takes another giant step toward finding the scandal he needs.

Actions: Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s treatment—two dates too much too soon. Intrigue: Will the CDs do what they’re supposed to do—Overcome Shyness and Enjoy Sexual Pleasure? Setup: Dr. Dan fears Joshua’s treatment for Timothy was too much, too soon. Will he backslide? Bernadine’s new show is attended by Vicki and Shay with Dr. Dan and Joshua at the front table. Setup: Although happily married, Dr. Dan lusts after Bernadine. Will they have an affair? Quinten and Sally sit behind them. Lilly and Kathy sit separately at a dark, corner booth. Upstairs in Dr. Dan’s office, Police arrest Tyrell trying to crack safe.

Turning point: Near the end of Bernadine’s show, police drag in Tyrell, who blames Joshua for his crime.

Cliffhanger: Bernadine’s breakthrough gets Tyrell’s confession on stage, where Joshua joins him and admits Tyrell is telling the truth. Empathy for Joshua who apparently orchestrated an illegal scheme. Lilly weeps and collapses into Kathy’s arms as Quinten gleefully films it all.

The teaser for Episode 2 will have Tyrell playing piano on stage, with Bernadine singing and playing her frame drum. Joshua had not only set Tyrell up for a second safecracking failure, he’d set him the police to catch him, make him confess Joshua’s involvement, and bring him to the Karmic Club where he could have his musical talent appreciated.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 3—Lesson 8. Empathy/Distress

Lenore Bechtel’s Stacked Intrigues

What I learned from this assignment is the need for putting characters in distress with which viewers will empathize.

Pilot Episode for HYPNOTIZED BY HOPE: Invisible Angst

Teaser: Montage of Joshua on stage at the intimate Reincarnation, Tulsa Tower’s nightclub. In the audiece, Lilly’s stern face and Quinten’s evil, smiling one contrast with the highly appreciate audience, especially when Joshua puts beautiful, sexy Sally Singleton under his arm and walks gloatingly around while her feet and hair both barely clear the stage floor. Intrigue: why aren’t Lilly and Quinten enthralled by the show like everyone else?

Turning point: Show finished, sneaky Quinten smirks and takes notes as Lilly tells Joshua these shows diminish his essence and the reputation she’s been trying to help him build. Skeptical empathy with Lilly’s clear anquish at the performance. Sorry she feels betrayed, but is she right or wrong? Intrigue: Why is Quinten taking notes? Joshua protests that shows are fun and bring in lots of clients. Layer and coverup: Joshua appears to be a superficial person more interested having fun than helping clients. At the very end of the pilot, we’ll find out how truly devoted he is to helping those in need.

Hook: Then Joshua shoots his bullet: He’s hired Sally to help Lilly in the office. Lilly’s aghast face says, “Not again!” Empathy with Lilly who now has another employee she didn’t choose, but will have to keep busy. Hidden agenda: Sally is not the inept ditzy blonde she’s pretending to be. We won’t find out until the last episode of the season who she really is.

Act I: Invisible Angst

Essence: Lilly knows Quinten Quebeck is coming to uncover a scandal and fears his story will hurt her chances of finding a publisher for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua. She’s skeptical about the treatment Joshua prescribes for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s schizophrenic who thinks he’s invisible. Wound: Timothy has many, the biggest being he scared to be around other people. Another being a distrust of banks because of an account he forgot about once being dropped from $500 to zero because of maintenance fees. Empathy for Timothy who has obviously been treated poorly.

Actions: Dr. Dan briefs Joshua about Timothy. Intrigue: He doesn’t refer patients before their insurance runs out, so why has he? Tyrell gets free appointment and won’t tell Vicki or Lilly why. Intrigue: What secret do he and Joshua share? Sally ruins Joshua’s masters, and Joshua says she’s done him a favor. Intiruge: Is Joshua in a relationship with Sally? Lilly protests when Joshua asks her to set up a fake bank robber. Empathy for Lilly who always seems to give in to Joshua’s whims. Anyone who’s done the same to keep a job will empathuze. Intrigue: Will she do something she thinks is wrong, and if she does, why did she? Secret identity: Tyrell is Joshua’s former cell mate. His relationship to Joshua will not be revealed until later seasons, but he’ll be revealed as a safecracker in the last scene of the pilot.

Turning point: Lilly forces herself to set up a fake bank robbery for Timothy’s treatment.

Joshua hypnotizes Timothy to believe that both he and Dr. Dan can also be invisible so Timothy can get caught robbing the downstairs bank.

Cliffhanger: Timothy runs away, saying Joshua is crazy.

Act 2: Crime and Visibility

Essence: Lilly’s transgender ex’s visit doesn’t distract her from protecting Joshua and the office’s reputation. Wound: Lilly was devastated both by the marriage and divorce, the details of which she keeps very secret. Intrigue: Why did she marry him and why did he divorce her? Empathy for Lilly who has difficult thing to cope with on and off the job.

Actions: Joshua decides Sally will teach exercise. Intrigue: Did Sally and Joshua have a date last night? Kathy, Lilly’s transgender ex husband, talks with Lilly behind closed doors. Timothy comes back, and the farciical bank robbery scheme succeeds while Lilly keeps Quinten at bay by showing him one of Joshua’s past TV shows. Bernadine engulfs Timothy, and does what Joshua suggests—takes Timothy to lunch. Intrigue: Will Bernadine seduce Timothy? Fake-fat Maudie is exposed. Empathy for her for needing to see Joshua so badly she padded her body to look fat. Ongoing conspiracy: Bernadine wants Joshua to hypnotize her for past life regressions, but he refuses. She thinks her soul group will move on without her if she doesn’t find and pay off her karmic debt from previous incarnations in this present life. Empathy for Bernadine’s need to have guidance from past lives to know how to live this life right.

Turning point: As the three invisibles escape from the bank to the office, Dr. Dan bumps into Maudie, exposing Maudie’s fat disguise. Hidden relationship history: At a C of C show, Joshua hypnotized Maudie to want to help him on stage, and she liked the suggetion too much to give it up.

Cliffhanger: Quinten sees Maudie’s fat disguise fall out when Dr. Dan bumps into her. Vicki reveals that Maudie was the subject on the just-filmed TV show, and Quinten smirks as Lilly explains they plan to re-shoot the show. More empathy for Lilly whom Quinten seems to be outsmarting.

Act 3: TV Tomfoolery

Essence: Lilly spars with Quinten, and Joshua hires Shay to duplicate CDs and will keep his true identity secret. Deception: Shay is the son Lilly gave up for adoption, but no one except Joshua will know his identity until late in season one. Empathy for Shay for needing to know his heritage. Intrigue: Is his father the ex who is now Kathy? Intrigue: Why does Shay suddenly want to get to know his birth mother?

Actions: Quinten snoops around. Joshua fixes Maudie and lures Timothy into taking her out. Empathy for Timothy whose scared stiff to be going out with a woman. Lilly hates having another new hire, but likes Shay instantly. Unable to talk Joshua out off his treatment for Tyrell, Lilly finds safe that can’t be opened. More empathy for Lilly as she sets up a treatment which she disapproves of. Reveal: Joshua tells Lilly that Tyrell came for hypnosis to get his safecracking skills back, so he wants to confirm in reality that the skills are lost. Dr. Dan chides Joshua for Timothy’s dates with both Bernadine and Maudie. Vicki flirts with Shay, and he’s flattered. Skeptical empathy for Vicki who seems to need a date so badly she flirts with any single man. Wound: Vicki’s steady high school boyfriend dumped her when he left for college. This will be revealed in later episodes.

Turning point: Sally offers to show Quinten Maudie’s show, amusing Joshua, infuriating Lilly.

Cliffhanger: After seeing the show Quinten announces he’s well on his way to putting Joshua out of business. While Vicki, Sally, and Shay wail about how much they need their jobs, and Lilly looks near collapse, Joshua laughs at the preposterous idea.

Act 4: Exercise Aggravation

Essence: Quinten outsmarts Lilly and discovers items she’d rather keep hidden.

Actions: Lilly puts safe in Dr. Dan’s office. Sally’s exercise class is such a hit that Joshua decides it’ll be part of his TV show. Intrigue: Could Joshua possibly be having a relationship with a low IQer? Timothy has crisis that demands another bank prank, which Lilly arranges, and Dr. Dan participates in. Empathy for Dr. Dan who hates partiipating in Joshua’s cures, but likes helping his patient more. Tyrell and Joshua fail to open safe. Quinten eavesdrops as Lilly and Kathy have lunch at the cafeteria.

Turning point: As the three invisible buddies return from getting caught again as they returned money, Berrnadine is having a breakthrough and recognizes Timothy from a previous life—all with Quinten listening. Empathy for Bernadine who Timothy rescued from a painful life in her breakthrough to a past life and will maybe help her in the incarnation.

Cliffhanger: Quinten confronts Lilly about her relationship with Kathy and rejoicingly tells he’s close to having his story. Reveal: Lilly lets Quinten know that Kathy was a man when the two were married. Joshua, Shay, and Vicki hear her confession—Shay with horror and Joshua with delight—maybe pretended, maybe real.

Act 5: Public confession

Essence: Quinten takes another giant step toward finding the scandal he needs.

Actions: Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s treatment—two dates too much too soon. Intrigue: Will the CDs do what they’re supposed to do—Overcome Shyness and Enjoy Sexual Pleasure? Bernadine’s new show is attended by Vicki and Shay with Dr. Dan and Joshua at the front table. Quinten and Sally sit behind them. Lilly and Kathy sit separately at a dark, corner booth. Upstairs in Dr. Dan’s office, Police arrest Tyrell trying to crack safe.

Turning point: Near the end of Bernadine’s show, police drag in Tyrell, who blames Joshua for his crime.

Cliffhanger: Bernadine’s breakthrough gets Tyrell’s confession on stage, where Joshua joins him and admits Tyrell is telling the truth. Empathy for Joshua who apparently orchestrated an illegal scheme. Lilly weeps and collapses into Kathy’s arms as Quinten gleefully films it all.

The teaser for Episode 2 will have Tyrell playing piano on stage, with Bernadine singing and playing her frame drum. Joshua had not only set Tyrell up for a second safecracking failure, he’d set him the police to catch him, make him confess Joshua’s involvement, and bring him to the Karmic Club where he could have his musical talent appreciated.

[Lenore]

BWTV-AI Module 3—Lesson 1Lenore Bechtel’s Big Picture Components

What I learned doing this assignment is I may have to change Episode 1 because it doesn’t introduce Bernadine Dione. I’m going to try to get her in one way or aother.

1. Give us the basic Series Info:

SERIES INFO: Hypnotized by Hope

• World: The hypnotic world of Hypnotherpist Joshua’s office in Tulsa’s Travelers Tower, which also has Dr. Dan’s office, a bank, shops, a cafeteria, a spa, and a nighclub frequented by past life regressors.
• Main mystery: Can Lilly keep scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck from discovering the many zany treatments Joshua has prescribed, including the one arranged for Timothy Graves, who thinks he’s invisible?
• Impossible Goal: Get good national publicity for the book Lilly has ghosted for Joshua, not the kind Quinten is looking for.
• Main Conflict: Sally Singleton, Joshua’s inept new hire, helps Quinten uncover things that could damage Joshua’s reputation.
• Second Mystery: Maudie Patterson, a fake-fatty in Joshua’s weight control group, causes catastrophe as the subject on Joshua’s TV show.
• Season 1 Arc: When Quinten discovers enough to ruin Joshua, he hypnotizes him to write only good things, resulting in Sally gaining fame but being responsible for Lilly’s book getting published and Joshua having a successful book tour.
• Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: Lilly maneuvers the entire Quinten escapade while also dealing with Kathy—her transgender ex-husband who used to be Kevin and now wants to be her best friend and roommate, and Shay—a teenager who pretends to be doing research but truly wants to investigate Lilly, his birth mother who gave him up for adoption.

2. Tell us the basic Pilot Info: Lilly must keep Joshua’s zany treatments secret from scandal reporter Quinten, while writing their details in the book she’s ghosting to make them both famous. She’s miffed at Joshua’s secrecy about new client Tyrell and more miffed about incompetent Sally. The treatment he plans for Dr. Dan’s patient who thinks he’s invisible, scares Timothy so much he flees, announcing Joshua is crazy. Quinten’s ears perk up, Lilly’s hopes zoom down, but Joshua remains his usual cheerful self, telling a distraught Lilly “Timothy will come back” and welcoming a smirking Quinten to drop by anytime to sit in on his weight control and/or stop smoking sessions.

PILOT INFO:

• Pilot Conflict: Lilly tries to keep client info hidden from Quinten, but Quinten observes Timothy, who thinks he’s invisible, announcing that Joshua is crazy.

• Characters Introduced:
• Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire
• Lilly Brandon, his girl Friday and secret wannabe paramour Timothy Graves, his invisible client
• Dr. Dan, the psychotherapist who referred him
• Vicki, Joshua’s cousin and receptionist
• Tyrell Black, Joshua’s secretive client and former prison cellmate
• Sally Singleton, Joshua’s inept sexy new hire

• Inciting Incident of Season 1, entitled Buffoonery for a Book
• IInciting incidents: Sally exercise class gets her promoted to be on Joshua’s TV show. Maudie is exposed for pretending to be fat and requiring her TV episode be refilmed. Bernardine recognizes Timothy from a previous life.

screenwritingclasses.com

Log In ‹ ScreenwritingClasses — WordPress

Log In ‹ ScreenwritingClasses — WordPress

[Lenore]

WIM Module 9 Lesson 3 proofreading

Lenore Bechtel is a proofreading star!

What I learned from this assignment is how great it is to have Final Draft read my screenplay aloud to me.

For anyone who hasn’t discovered how to do this: Open your Final Draft screenplay. Go to Tools, and choose the third choice, Speech Control. I had to “select all” before it would work for me. Then I was given the opportunity to select “play” and the reading started on the title page. I was surprised at how realistic the reading was. All phonetical, so a few pronunciation mistakes were made, but basically, the reading was very expressive.

Hurrah! I spotted only two errors and was able to stop the reading and correct them immediaately. Hearing the dialogue this way was wonderful, and I’m happy that even some of my very longest lines sounded precisely the way I’d intended.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 2, Lesson 12

Lenore Bechtel’s Visually Appealing Bible

What I learned doing this assignment is that the right pictures help tell the story with fewer words.

If anyone would like to exchange feedback with me, my email address is lenorebechtel33@gmail.com.

I can’t seem get the whole bible with pictures for posting, but can email a pdf copy that should preserve the spacing. My title is Hypnotized by Hope.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 2—Lesson 11 Editing Bible

Lenore Bechtel’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned doing this assignment was the need of having something intriguing in every sentence, while also maintaining clarity. After my editing, I re-read my Bible asking myself if each sentence alone would make a reader want to read more. I think so. I hope so.

I am eager to exchange pilots for feedback, but need to complete Lesson 12 with images before starting that process. Here’s my Bible:

HYNOTIZED BY HOPE

PITCH BIBLE

By

LENORE VINYARD BECHTEL

Lenore Bechtel
306 S. 1st. Street
Eufaula, OK 74432

936-499-7694

lenorebechtel33@gmail.com

Hypnotized by Hope, one hour/comedy

Concept:

Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced, efficient girl Friday and ghostwriter must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. All goes awry when Joshua’s illegal past and Lilly’s own sordid secrets threaten their goal of attaining national recognition with a best-selling book.

Intriguing World:

The hypnotic world of Joshua’s office in Tulsa’s Traveler’s Tower, which also has a bank, shops, a cafeteria, a spa, and a nightclub frequented by past life regressors.

Summary of Pilot:

Lilly wants national publicity for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire, but not the kind scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck will write. He thrives on destroying reputations, so Lilly needs to keep him from discovering Joshua’s many quirky cures.

Like the one for Timothy, a schizoprenic who thinks he’s invisible, referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan even before his insurance ran out. Knowing his hypnotic suggestions must be confirmed by reality, Joshua has Lilly arrange a fake bank robbery to be carried out by Timothy and his two new invisible buddies—gleeful Joshua himself and reluctantly helpful Dr. Dan.

Lilly also has to find a malfunctioning safe that can’t be opened as part of a treatment for Tyrell, a mysterious client whom Joshua sees for free. Much later she’ll discover that Tyrell and Joshua were cellmates in prison—a past he’s hidden from her and one Joshua’s afraid will destroy his chance for the national fame he desires.

Joshua is already a Tulsa celebrity because of his weekly TV show featuring fat clients who’ve lost weight with his group hypnosis classes. Alas, if Quinten finds out that Maudie, the subject of this week’s show, is a fake fatty—disaster! Discovering this truth, Lilly must quickly arrange a refilming of the bad show, but she can’t keep simple Sally from playing the show for Quinten. Lilly’s cross to bear is one inept girl after another—like Sally—hired by Joshua, sometimes she thinks just to annoy her—which he loves doing.

Quinten arrives as Lilly is recording past life regressor Bernadine’s breakthrough to her 1800s life when Sally interrupts with Joshua’s master hyypnosis CDs she’s destroyed. At the same time a frightened Timothy runs from Joshua’s office, announcing that Joshua is crazy, and flees.

Quinten’s ears perk up, Lilly’s hopes zoom down, but Joshua remains his usual cheerful self, telling Lilly “He’ll be back” and welcoming Quinten to drop by anytime to sit in on his weight control and stop smoking sessions whenever he wants.

Characters:

Main characters who will appear every season =

Lilly Brandon, frequently rejected novelist divorced by her gay husband, seeks writing recognition through Joshua and happiness that’s eluded her since her secret teenage pregnancy.

Joshua Hope, superb hypnotist and star of a weekly Tulsa TV show, will do any wild thing to help a client, always fearing his secret past imprisonment for impersonating a doctor might come back to haunt him.

Dr. Dan Dreiden, money-hungry psychiatrist and wannabe womanizer who refers his hopeless cases to Joshua, but would love to prove long term psychiatry bettter than speedy hypnotherapy.

Vicki Hope, Joshua’s 20ish cousin and perky receptionist dumped by her boyfriend and fired by a previous employer, flirts with male clients and offers to work overtime at no pay for mistakes on the job.

Bernadine Dione, nightclub singer, frame drummer and past life regressor, fears her soul group will move on without her if she doesn’t discover and pay her karmic dues in this lifetime.

Minor characters who might or might not appear every season =

Quinten Queback, antagonist, mean-spirited, scandal reporter who hope to win a jounalistic prize for writing a scathing expose on Joshua.

Timothy Graves—referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan—is a schizo who thinks he’s invisible and struggles to adjust to visibility after being seen in a fake bank robbery arranged by Libby.

Shay Zigler, who comes to Joshua’s office to see if he wants a relationship with Lilly, his birth mother who gave him out for adoption.

Kathy York, who used to be Kevin York, Lilly’s gay exhusband who now wants to live with her and be her best friend.

Tyrell Black, Joshua’s prison cellmate, who needs Joshua’s help to regain his safecracking skill and whose nimble fingers play marvelous piano jazz.

First season characters who will be replaced by other clients in season 2 through 5:

Sally Singleton, Joshua’s new hire whose ineptness is faked because she’s really undercover for a publisher wanting to know if Joshua is truly legit.

Maudie Patterson, who’s so enthralled with Joshua that she pads her body to attend his weight session, creating chaos when he chooses her as a subject for his TV show.

Season 1 Episodes

Episode 1: Invisible Angst

Lilly must keep Joshua’s zany treatments secret from scandal reporter Quinten, while writing their details in the book she’s ghosting to make them both famous. She’s miffed at Joshua’s secrecy about new client Tyrell and more miffed about incompetent Sally. The treatment he plans for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s patient who thinks he’s invisible, scares him so much he runs away.

Episode 2: Crfme and Visibility

Lilly is dismayed when Joshua asks Sally to teach an exercise class. Meanwhile, Timothy’s treatment gets under way with Joshua and Dr. Dan accompanying Timothy in a fake bank robbery she’s arranged. As chaos unfolds, Joshua introduces Timothy to past life regressor Bernadine, who’s eager to convince Timothy he has a physical body. Lilly’s gay ex-husband—now female Kathy—wants to live with her again.

Episode 3: TV Tomfoolery

Joshua and Lilly discover that Maudie, the subject on this week’s TV show, is not actually fat. While Lilly arranges a replacement episode, she must keep Quinten from seeing both the show and the scared, but visible, Timothy whom Joshua sends on a date with Maudie. In a private with Joshua, Shay reveals Lilly is his birth mother. Joshua promises to keep his secret and hires him to help Sally, who offers to show Quinten the bad TV show.

Episode 4: Exercise Aggravation

Sally’s exercise class gets her promoted to be in the TV show, infuriating Lilly. Quinten gloats over Joshua’s and Sally’s chitchat and the big money Joshua makes. Timothy’s new crisis necessitates another bank prank after which Bernadine recognizes Timothy in a past life breakthrough and—with Joshua’s encouragement—takes him for a lunch date. WithTyrell’s failed safe-cracking attempt which Libby arranged in Dr. Dan’s office, she still has time for a lunch date with Kathy.

Episode 5: Public Confession

Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s premature date with Bernadine, leading to another treatment. Later, Bernadine’s new show opens, and the entire office attends, including Vicki with Shay. While the show’s in progress, police catch Tyrell making a second attempt to crack Dr. Dan’s safe. He blames Joshua, so police drag him to the show where Joshua sits front row. Bernadine’s breakthrough gets hand-cuffed Tyrell’s confession on stage with Quinten gleefully filming it all.

Episode 6: Exposed or Expunged?

Shay makes points with Lilly when tries but fails to keep Sally from finding a file Quinten wants to complete his story. Quinten confronts Joshua after learning the whole truth from Maudie, Timothy, and Bernadine. Joshua hypnotizes Quinten, a somnabulist, and Lilly and Dr. Dan and Lilly argue about what suggestion he should give him. Joshua kicks them out of his office, and tells Quinten he’ll take pride in following his suggestion about what to write in his story.

Episode 7: Fame and Fury

Phones are busy with people wanting an exercise class with Sally, thanks to Quinten’s story about only good things he’d seen in the office, as Joshua had suggested. Lilly’s rage turns to joy when Sally confesses she’s been investigating Joshua for her publisher uncle who will now publish Lilly’s book. Shocking revelations reveal all secrets, and Shay and Lilly are exceedingly glad.

Episode 8: Hope Conquers Rage

With Joshua on book tour, the office bustles with phone calls and new opportunities. Lilly’s book becomes a bestseller in every city of Joshua’s tour, and all relationships evolve. However, Joshua—from afar—hires a new girl to help with the busy phones, and Lilly decides to quit working for such an unappreciative man. That is, until Joshua comes back, tells her he missed her, and wants to get started on their next book.

Five Seasons:

Season 1: Buffoonery for a Book

Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday—is his ghostwriter who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. Joshua goes on a book tour, the book becomes a bestseller, but brings in an ex-con from Joshua’s illegal past, while Lilly copes with her secret son and her gay ex-husband, now Kathy, who wants to live with her.

Season 2: Confronting the Competition

Lilly goes undercover to find who’s spearheading the picketers at Joshua’s office. It’s Dr. Mindbender, an Oklahoma City hypnotist who’s losing business since Joshua’s TV show started on an OC station. Joshua’s in the news again with Tamara, a psychic who claims his hypnosis gave her the skill she uses to help police. Lilly manages all, booking Joshua for an OC State Fair show to get back at Mindbender, while preventing ex-con Hugh Hitman from wiping him out.

Season 3: Fourth Dimension Frivolities

Joshua’s big cases this season are petty thief Rachel, who’s following a ghost’s orders, and her brother David who’s a time traveler needing help understanding his experiences. Joshua wins a prestigious hypnotism competition, outshining other hypnotists by doing tricks hated by Lilly. Riots erupt among ladies wanting tickets to his TV show, and Lilly’s ingenuity prevents police from making arrests. She needs to corner ex-con Victor Ramirez who’s established a business selling phoney diet pills to Joshua’s clients.

Season 4: Lawsuits and Laughs

Joshua faces a lawsuit filed by a female shoplifter extraordinare who claims she was hypnotized watching his TV show. Dr. Mindbender is exposed for impersonating a doctor without a license, and Joshua is called as a witness. His own illegal past is revealed, but his cheerful confession brings new admiration. While dealing with a man suffering recurring nightmares and a street performer who prefers being a living statue more than a moving human, Joshua is threatened by a mobster he refused to help in prison.

Season 5: Hair-raising Hullabaloo

The mobster Joshua refused to help is a rapist who wanted his guilt feelings erased from his mind, but now he wants to rape any woman close to Joshua. Lilly warns Vicki, Sally, Maudie, Bernadine, Tamara, Rachel, and others who form a club, Hope’s Hit List Lasses. They go unexpectedly public on Joshua’s TV show, when Lilly reveals she’s written a personal book, Coping With Hope, which becomes a hit. Joshua finally gets the mobster to reform, and he finally recognize romantic feelings for Lilly, the feelings she’d hoped for from the beginning.

#

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 2,Lesson 10

Lenore Bechtel’s Episode Titles

What I learned doing this assignment is that some of my episode titles didn’t key in on the episodes main point and comedy genre. I kept only one of my original titles, Crime and Visibility. Here are my new ones.

Hypnotized by Hope, one hour/comedy

Concept: Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday—is his ghostwriter who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. All goes awry when Joshua’s illegal past and Lilly’s own secrets threaten their goal of attaining national recognition.

Season 1: Buffoonery for a Book

Episode 1: Invisible Angst

Episode 2: Crime and Visibility

Episode 3: TV Tomfoolery

Episode 4: Exercise Aggravation

Episode 5: Public Confession

Episode 6: Exposed or Expunged?

Episode 7: Fame and Fury

Episode 8: Hope Conquers Rage

Season 2: Confronting the Competition

Season 3: Fourth Dimension Frivolities

Season 4: Lawsuits and Laughs

Season 5: Hair-raising Hullabaloo

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 2, Lesson 9

Lenore Bechtel presents non-stop intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is that the way a sentence is worded can add to the intrigue.

I went through my bible sentence by sentence and asked myself if each sentence had an element of intrigue. I ended up doing a lot of rewriting and am putting the new rewritten version here.

Hypnotized by Hope, one hour/comedy

Concept:

Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday—is his ghostwriter who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. All goes awry when Joshua’s illegal past and Lilly’s own secrets threaten their goal of attaining national recognition.

Intriguing World:

The hypnotic world of Joshua’s office in Tulsa’s Traveler’s Tower, which also has a bank, shops, a cafeteria, a spa, and a nightclub frequented by past life regressors.

Summary:

Lilly wants national publicity for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire, but not the kind scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck will write. He thrives on destroying reputations, so Lilly needs to keep him from discovering Joshua’s many zany cures.

Like the one for Timothy, a schizoprenic who thinks he’s invisible, referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan even before his insurance ran out. Knowing his hypnotic suggestions must be confirmed by reality, Joshua has Lilly arrange a fake bank robbery to be carried out by Timothy and his two new invisible buddies—gleeful Joshua himself and reluctantly helpful Dr. Dan.

Lilly also has to find a malfunctioning safe that can’t be opened as part of a treatment for Tyrell, an unexpected client whom Joshua sees for free. Much later she’ll discover that Tyrell and Joshua were cellmates in prison—a past he’s hidden from her and one Joshua’s afraid will destroy his chances of the national fame he desires.

Joshua has already achieved local Tulsa fame with his weekly TV show featuring fat clients who’ve lost weight with his group hypnosis classes. Alas, if Quinten finds out that Maudie, the subject of this week’s show, is a fake fatty—disaster! Discovering this truth, Lilly must quickly arrange a refilming of the bad show, but she can’t keep simple Sally from playing the show for Quinten. Lilly’s cross to bear is one inept girl after another—like Sally—hired by Joshua, sometimes she thinks just to annoy her—which he loves doing.

Quinten arrives as Lilly is recording past life regressor Bernadine’s breakthrough to her 1800s life when Sally interrupts with Joshua’s master hyypnosis CDs she’s destroyed. At the same time a frightened Timothy runs from Joshua’s office, announcing that Joshua is crazy, and flees.

Quinten’s ears perk up, Lilly’s hopes zoom down, but Joshua remains his usual cheerful self, telling Lilly “He’ll be back” and welcoming Quinten to drop by anytime to sit in on his weight control and stop smoking sessions whenever he wants.

Characters:

Main characters who will appear every season =

Lilly Brandon, frequently rejected novelist divorced by her gay husband, seeks writing recognition through Joshua and happiness that’s eluded her since her secret teenage pregnancy.

Joshua Hope, superb hypnotist and star of a weekly Tulsa TV show, will do any wild thing to help a client, always fearing his secret past imprisonment for impersonating a doctor might come back to haunt him.

Dr. Dan Dreiden, money-hungry psychiatrist and wannabe womanizer who refers his hopeless cases to Joshua, but would love to prove long term psychiatry bettter than speedy hypnotherapy.

Vicki Hope, Joshua’s 20ish cousin and perky receptionist dumped by her boyfriend and fired by her previous employer, who flirts with male clients and makes nervous mistakes on the job.

Bernadine Dione, nightclub singer/drummer and past life regressor, who’s afraid her soul group might move on without her if she doesn’t discover and pay her karmic dues in this lifetime.

Minor characters who might or might not appear every season =

Shay Zigler, who comes to Joshua’s office to see if he wants a relationship with Lilly, his birth mother who gave him out for adoption.

Kathy York, who used to be Kevin York, Lilly’s gay exhusband who now wants to live with her and be her best friend.

Tyrell Black, Joshua’s prison cellmate, who needs Joshua’s help to regain his safecracking skill and whose nimble fingers play marvelous piano jazz.

Quiten Queback, antagonist, mean-spirited, scandal reporter who hope to win a jounalistic prize for writing a scathing expose on Joshua.

First season characters who will be replaced by other clients in season 2 through 5:

Sally Singleton, Joshua’s new hire whose ineptness is faked because she’s really undercover for a publisher wanting to know if Joshua is truly legit.

Maudie Patterson, who’s so enthralled with Joshua that she pads her body to attend his weight session, creating chaos when he chooses her as a subject for his TV show.

Timothy Graves—referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan—is a schizo who thinks he’s invisible and struggles to adjust to visibility after being seen in a fake bank robbery arranged by Joshua.

Season 1 Episodes

Episode 1: Invisible Intrigue

Lilly must keep Joshua’s zany treatments secret from scandal reporter Quinten, while writing their details in the book she’s ghosting to make them both famous. She’s miffed at Joshua’s secrecy about new client Tyrell and more miffed about incompetent Sally. The treatment he plans for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s patient who thinks he’s invisible, scares him so much he runs away.

Episode 2: Crfme and Visibility

Lilly is dismayed when Joshua asks Sally to teach an exercise class. Meanwhile, Timothy’s treatment gets under way with Joshua and Dr. Dan accompanying Timothy in a fake bank robbery she’s arranged. As chaos unfolds, Joshua introduces Timothy to past life regressor Bernadine, who’s eager to convince Timothy he has a physical body. Lilly’s gay ex-husband—now female Kathy—wants to live with her again.

Episode 3: The TV Show Shuffle

Joshua and Lilly discover that Maudie, the subject on this week’s TV show, is not actually fat. While Lilly arranges a replacement episode, she must keep Quinten from seeing Timothy who doesn’t like visibility. In a private with Joshua, Shay reveals Lilly is his birth mother. Joshua promises to keep his secret and hires him to help Sally, who offers to show Quinten the bad TV show.

Episode 4: Exercise Extravaganza

Sally’s exercise class gets her promoted to be in the TV show, infuriating Lilly. Quinten gloats over Joshua’s and Sally’s chitchat and the big money Joshua makes. Timothy’s new crisis necessitates another bank prank after which Bernadine recognizes Timothy in a past life breakthrough and—with Joshua’s encouragement—takes him for a lunch date. WithTyrell’s failed safe-cracking attempt which Libby arranged in Dr. Dan’s office, she still has time for a lunch date with Kathy.

Episode 5: Showtime Surprise

Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s premature date with Bernadine, leading to another treatment. Later, Bernadine’s new show opens, and the entire office attends, including Vicki with Shay. While the show’s in progress, police catch Tyrell making a second attempt to crack Dr. Dan’s safe. He blames Joshua, so police drag him to the show where Joshua sits front row. Bernadine’s breakthrough gets hand-cuffed Tyrell’s confession on stage with Quinten gleefully filming it all.

Episode 6: Hypnotic Hijinks

Shay makes points with Lilly when tries but fails to keep Sally from finding a file Quinten wants to complete his story. Quinten confronts Joshua after learning the whole truth from Maudie, Timothy, and Bernadine. Joshua hypnotizes Quinten, a somnabulist, and Lilly and Dr. Dan and Lilly argue about what suggestion he should give him. Joshua kicks them out of his office, and tells Quinten he’ll take pride in following his suggestion about what to write in his story.

Episode 7: Fame and Revelations

Phones are busy with people wanting an exercise class with Sally, thanks to Quinten’s story about only good things he’d seen in the office, as Joshua had suggested. Lilly’s rage turns to joy when Sally confesses she’s been investigating Joshua for her publisher uncle who will now publish Lilly’s book. Shocking revelations reveal all secrets, and Shay and Lilly are exceedingly glad.

Episode 8: New Beginnings

With Joshua on book tour, the office bustles with phone calls and new opportunities. Lilly’s book becomes a bestselle in every city of Joshua’s tour, and all relationships evolve. However, Joshua—from afar—hires a new girl to help with the busy phones, and Lilly decides to quit working for such an unappreciative man. That is, until Joshua comes back, tells her he missed her, and wants to get started on their next book.

Five Seasons:

Season 1: Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday—is his ghostwriter who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. Joshua goes on a book tour, the book becomes a bestseller, but brings in an ex-con from Joshua’s illegal past, while Lilly copes with her secret son and her gay ex-husband, now Kathy, who wants to live with her.

Season 2: Lilly goes undercover to find who’s spearheading the picketers at Joshua’s office. It’s Dr. Mindbender, an Oklahoma City hypnotist who’s losing business since Joshua’s TV show started on an OC station. Joshua’s in the news again with Tamara, a psychic who claims his hypnosis gave her the skill she uses to help police. Lilly manages all, booking Joshua for an OC State Fair show to get back at Mindbender, while preventing ex-con Hugh Hitman from wiping him out.

Season 3: Joshua’s big cases this season are petty thief Rachel, who’s following a ghost’s orders, and her brother David who’s a time traveler needing help understanding his experiences. Joshua wins a prestigious hypnotism competition, outshining other hypnotists by doing tricks hated by Lilly. Riots erupt among ladies wanting tickets to his TV show, and Lilly’s ingenuity prevents police from making arrests. She needs to corner ex-con Victor Ramirez who’s established a business selling phoney diet pills to Joshua’s clients.

Season 4: Joshua faces a lawsuit filed by a female shoplifter extraordinare who claims she was hypnotized watching his TV show. Dr. Mindbender is exposed for impersonating a doctor without a license, and Joshua is called as a witness. His own illegal past is revealed, but his cheerful confession brings new admiration. While dealing with a man suffering recurring nightmares and a street performer who prefers being a living statue more than a moving human, Joshua is threatened by a mobster he refused to help in prison.

Season 5: The mobster Joshua refused to help is a rapist who wanted his guilt feelings erased from his mind, but now he wants to rape any woman close to Joshua. Lilly warns Vicki, Sally, Maudie, Bernadine, Tamara, Rachel, and others who form a club, Hope’s Hit List Lasses. They go unexpectedly public on Joshua’s TV show, when Lilly reveals she’s written a personal book, Coping With Hope, which becomes a hit. Joshua finally gets the mobster to reform, and he finally recognize romantic feelings for Lilly, the feelings she’d hoped for from the beginning.

#

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Intrigue Patterns

What I learned from this assignment is several methods of putting intrigue into a single line.

Here is this line I’d like to improve:

Lilly Brandon, divorcee and frequently rejected novelist, seeks fame through Joshua and happiness that’s eluded her since putting her baby out for adoption.

Intrigue patterns”

1. Establish something shocking and the terrible things it could mean.

Lilly Brandon hopes working for demanding but loveable Hypnotist Joshua will bring her recognition as a writer and the ability to forget her traumatic teenage pregnancy and her stupid marriage to a gay who divorced her. So far Joshua hasn’t demanded anything illegal, and if he does and she obeys, maybe he’ll see how superior she is to the girlfriends he hires as her helpers.

B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.

Lilly Brandon is Hypnotist Joshua’s unappreciated Ms. Efficiency who accomplishes whatever he wants whenever he wants it, in spite of the parade of incompetent beauties he hires and admires more than the one he should recognize as right for him—her!

C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..

Lilly Brandon is shrewd enough to keep scandal reporter Quinten at bay while Joshua helps schitzo Timothy fake-rob a bank and safecracker Tyrell fake-fail at opening Dr. Dan’s safe, but will Joshua ever recognize how much he truly needs her?

D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.

Lilly Brandon knows that Joshua’s zany methods of reinforcing his hypnotic suggestions with reality depend upon her setting up the possibilities, but he takes her for granted.

E. But maybe it is all wrong.

Maybe Lilly shouldn’t be so efficient and let Joshua’s pranks get him in trouble, establishing her heroine status when she bails him out.

F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences

Lilly Brandon manages to get rid of one Joshua girlfriend after another, but if the pattern continues, pride will make her quit and let his business deteriorate.

G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.

If Joshua hired another pretty girl, that means Lilly will absolutely need to quit him, but then she’d miss the constant challenge she has keeping him from destroying the office’s respectability.

H. State the mystery.

Will Lilly Brandon’s ambitions for herself be enough to encourage Joshua to hypnotize Quinten and tell him what to write?

1. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.

It should be that Quinten followed Joshua’s suggestion to write no wrong about the office, but in Lilly’s mind, it’s even worse. What Quinten wrote turned simple Sally into a celebrity.

J. Intense language.

Lilly Brandon takes pride in accomplishing whatever Hypnotist Joshua asks, but how will she feel if his past incarceration becomes public and their book plunges off the best-selling list?

[Lenore]

WIM Module 9, Lesson 2: Elevating Key Words/Cut Disstractions

Lenore Bechtel’s Wordsmithing!

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how vastly a script can be improved by doing searches and finding appropriate synonyms for common words.

Right when I thought I couldn’t make my screenplay any better, this assignment showed me how. What fun it was! I searched for all the repetitive verbs and repetitive nouns Hal found in Cheryl’s script, found many in mine, and replaced most of them with more descriptive verbs and nouns.

Then I scrolled through my script looking for orphan lines, and I rewrote to eliminate them. While scrolling through, I tested all parentheticals and eliminated some that weren’t absolutely necessary. I didn’t have to search for overuse punctuation because I was certain punctuation wasn’t my problem.

Here are some substitutes I put in for “sits.”

Stephanie plops on the bench, crosses her arms, and pouts.

Freida settles into the window seat.

She puts the violin in the case and wiggles into the front passenger seat with it.

I truly enjoyed doing this assignment.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 9: Wordsmithing

Lenore Bechtel has tested every line!

What I learned doing this assignment is that brevity in descriptions makes a script read easier and faster.

I DID test every line, but I made very few changes, probably because I’d made a special effort in my first draft to keep descriptions short. After this run-through, I now have only three descriptions longer than three lines—the first three that describe the three characters in my dramatic triangle. Those descriptions have information the reader needs, and I tried, but failed, to get the infomation into three lines.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 2, Lesson 7

Lenore Bechtel’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation

What I learned from this assignment is methods for digging beneath the surface story.

Hypnotized by Hope, one hour/comedy

Concept:

Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday—is his ghostwriter who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. All goes awry when Joshua’s illegal past and Lilly’s own secrets threaten their goal of attaining national recognition.

Intriguing World:

The hypnotic world of Joshua’s office in Tulsa’s Traveler’s Tower, which also has a bank, shops, a cafeteria, and a nightclub frequented by past life regressors.

Summary:

Lilly wants national publicity for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire, but not the kind scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck will write. He thrives on destroying reputations, so Lilly needs to keep him from discovering Joshua’s many zany cures.

Like the one for Timothy, a schizoprenic who thinks he’s invisible, referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan even before his insurance ran out. Knowing his hypnotic suggestions must be confirmed by reality, Joshua has Lilly arrange a fake bank robbery to be carried out by Timothy and his two invisible buddies—gleeful Joshua himself and reluctant Dr. Dan.

Lilly also has to find a malfunctioning safe that can’t be opened as part of a treatment for Tyrell, an unexpected client whom Joshua sees for free. Much later she’ll discover that Tyrell and Joshua were cellmates in prison—a past he’s hidden from her and one Joshua’s afraid will destroy his chances of the national fame he desires.

Joshua has already achieved local Tulsa fame with his weekly TV show featuring fat clients who’ve lost weight with his group hypnosis classes. Alas, if Quinten finds out that Maudie, the subject of this week’s show, is a fake fatty—disaster! Discovering this truth, Lilly must quickly arrange a refilming of the bad show, but she can’t keep simple Sally from playing the show for Quinten. Lilly’s cross to bear is one inept girl after another—like Sally—hired by Joshua, sometimes she thinks just to annoy her—which he loves doing.

Quinten arrives as Lilly is recording past life regressor Bernadine’s breakthrough to her 1800s life when Sally interrupts with Joshua’s master hyypnosis CDs she’s destroyed. At the same time a frightened Timothy runs from Joshua’s office, announcing that Joshua is crazy, and flees.

Quinten’s ears perk up, Lilly’s hopes zoom down, but Joshua remains his usual cheerful self, telling Lilly “He’ll be back” and welcoming Quinten to drop by anytime and sit in on his weight control and stop smoking sessions whenever he wants.

Characters:

Main characters who will appear every season =

Lilly Brandon, divorcee and frequently rejected novelist, seeks fame through Joshua and happiness that’s eluded her since putting her baby out for adoption.

Joshua Hope, superb hypnotist and star of a weekly Tulsa TV show, will do any wild thing to help a client, always fearing his secret past imprisonment might come back to haunt him.

Dr. Dan Dreiden, money-hungry psychiatrist and wannabe womanizer who refers his hopeless cases to Joshua, but would love to prove psychiatry bettter than hypnotherapy.

Vicki Hope, Joshua’s cousin and perky receptionist whose boyfriend dumped her and previous employer fired her, who flirts with male clients and makes nervous mistakes on the job.

Bernadine Dione, a nightclub singer/drummer who seeks breakthroughs to past lives to discover karmic dues to pay in this lifetime so she can move on with her soul group.

Minor characters who might or might not appear every season =

Shay Zigler, who comes to Joshua’s office to see if he wants a relationship with Lilly, his birth mother who gave him out for adoption.

Kathy York, who used to be Kevin York, Lilly’s gay exhusband who now wants to live with her and be her best friend.

Tyrell Black, Joshua’s prison cellmate, who needs Joshua’s help to regain his safecracking skill and whose nimble fingers play marvelous piano jazz.

Quiten Queback, antagonist, scandal reporter hoping to win a jounalistic prize for writing a scathing expose on Joshua.

First season characters who will be replaced by other clients in season 2 through 5:

Sally Singleton, Joshua’s new hire whose ineptness is faked because she’s really undercover for a publisher who will publish Lilly’s book if she finds Joshua’s truly legit.

Maudie Patterson, who’s so enthralled with Joshua that she pads her body to attend his weight session, creating chaos when he chooses her as a subject for his TV show.

Timothy Graves—referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan—is a schizo who thinks he’s invisible, who has a hard time adjusting to visibility after being seen in a fake bank robbery arranged by Joshua.

Season 1 episodes

Episode 1: Invisible Intrigue

Lilly must keep Joshua’s zany treatments secret from scandal reporter Quinten, while writing their details in the book she’s ghosting to make them both famous. She’s miffed at Joshua’s secrecy about new client Tyrell and more miffed about incompetent Sally. The treatment he plans for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s patient who thinks he’s invisible, scares him so much he runs away.

Episode 2: Crfme and Visibility

Lilly is dismayed when Joshua asks Sally to teach an exercise class. Meanwhile, Timothy’s gets under way with Joshua and Dr. Dan accompanying Timothy in a fake bank robbery. As chaos unfolds, Joshua introduces Timothy to past life regressor Bernadine, who’s eager to convince Timothy he has a physical body. Lilly’s gay ex-husband—now female Kathy—wants to live with her again.

Episode 3: The TV Show Shuffle

Joshua and Lilly discover that Maudie, the subject on this week’s TV show, is not actually fat. While Lilly arranges a replacement episode, she must keep Quinten from seeing Timothy who doesn’t like visibility. In a private with Joshua, Shay reveals Lilly is his birth mother. Joshua hires him to help Sally, who offers to show Quinten the bad TV show.

Episode 4: Exercise Extravaganza

Sally’s exercise class gets her promoted to be in the TV show, infuriating Lilly. Quinten gloats over Joshua’s and Sally’s chitchat and the big money Joshua makes. Timothy’s new crisis necessitates another bank prank after which Bernadine recognizes Timothy in a past life breakthrough. WithTyrell’s failed safe-cracking attempt which Libby arranged, she still has time for a lunch date with Kathy.

Episode 5: Showtime Surprise

Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s premature dates, leading to another treatment. Meanwhile, Bernadine’s new show opens, and the entire office attends, including Vicki with Shay. While the show’s in progress, police catch Tyrell cracking Dr. Dan’s safe and blaming Joshua, so police drag him to the show. Bernadine’s breakthrough gets hand-cuffed Tyrell on stage with Quinten gleefully filming it all.

Episode 6: Hypnotic Hijinks

Shay makes points with Lilly when tries but fails to keep Sally from finding a file Quinten wants to complete his story. He confronts Joshua after learning the whole truth from Maudie, Timothy, and Bernadine. Joshua hypnotizes Quinten, and won’t tell Dr. Dan and Lilly what suggestion he gave him, but assures them the suggestions will be followed.

Episode 7: Fame and Revelations

Phones are busy with people wanting an exercise class with Sally, thanks to Quinten’s story about only good things, as Joshua had suggested. Lilly’s rage turns to joy when Sally confesses she’s been investigating Joshua for her publisher uncle who will now publish Lilly’s book. Shocking revelations reveal all secrets, and Shay and Lilly are exceedingly glad.

Episode 8: New Beginnings

With Joshua on book tour, the office bustles with phone calls and new opportunities. Lilly’s book becomes a bestseller, and all relationships evolve. However, Joshua—from afar—hires a new girl, and Lilly decides to quit working for such an unappreciative man. That is, until Joshua comes back, tells her he missed her, and wants to get started on their next book.

Five Seasons:

Season 1: Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday—is his ghostwriter who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. Joshua goes on a book tour, the book becomes a bestseller, but brings in an ex-con from Joshua’s illegal past, while Lilly copes with her secret son and her gay ex-husband, now Kathy, who wants to live with her.

Season 2: Lilly goes undercover to find who’s spearheading the picketers at Joshua’s office. It’s Dr. Mindbender, an Oklahoma City hypnotist who’s losing business since Joshua’s TV show started on an OC station. Joshua’s in the news again with Tamara, a psychic who claims his hypnosis gave her the skill she uses to help police. Lilly manages all, booking Joshua for an OC State Fair show to get back at Mindbender, while preventing ex-con Hugh Hitman from wiping him out.

Season 3: Joshua’s big cases this season are petty thief Rachel, who’s following a ghost’s orders, and her brother David who’s a time traveler needing help understanding his experiences. Joshua wins a prestigious hypnotism competition, outshining other hypnotists by doing tricks hated by Lilly. Riots erupt among ladies wanting tickets to his TV show, and Lilly’s ingenuity prevents police from making arrests. She needs to corner ex-con Victor Ramirez who’s established a business selling phoney diet pills to Joshua’s clients.

Season 4: Joshua faces a lawsuit filed by a female shoplifter extraordinare who claims she was hypnotized watching his TV show. Dr. Mindbender is exposed for impersonating a doctor without a license, and Joshua is called as a witness. His own illegal past is revealed, but his cheerful confession brings new admiration. While dealing with a man suffering recurring nightmares and a street performer who prefers being a living statue more than a moving human, Joshua is threatened by a mobster he refused to help in prison.

Season 5: The mobster Joshua refused to help is a rapist who wanted his guilt feelings erased from his mind, but now he wants to rape any woman close to Joshua. Lilly warns Vicki, Sally, Maudie, Bernadine, Tamara, Rachel, and others who form a club, Hope’s Hit List Lasses. They go unexpectedly public on Joshua’s TV show, when Lilly reveals she’s written a personal book, Coping With Hope, which becomes a hit. Joshua finally gets the mobster to reform, and he finally recognize romantic feelings for Lilly, the feelings she’d hoped for from the beginning.

[Lenore]

BWtV Module 2, Lesson 6

Lenore Bechtel’s Show’s Summary

Format used: Pilot as Inciting Incident

What I learned from this assignment is that the summary doesn’t need a lot of details—just enough to intrigue the reader and sell the show.

HYPNOTIZED BY HOPE

One hour comedy

Lilly wants national publicity for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire, but not the kind scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck will write. He thrives on destroying reputations, so Lilly needs to keep him from discovering Joshua’s many zany cures.

Like the one for Timothy, a schizoprenic who thinks he’s invisible, referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan even before his insurance ran out. Knowing his hypnotic suggestions must be confirmed by reality, Joshua has Lilly arrange a fake bank robbery to be carried out by Timothy and his two invisible buddies—gleeful Joshua himself and reluctant Dr. Dan.

Lilly also has to find a malfunctioning safe that can’t be opened as part of a treatment for Tyrell, an unexpected client whom Joshua sees for free. Much later she’ll discover that Tyrell and Joshua were cellmates in prison—a past he’s hidden from her and one Joshua’s afraid will detstroy his chances of the national fame he desires.

Joshua has alread achieved local Tulsa, Oklahoma, fame with his weekly TV show featuring fat clients who’ve lost weight with his group hypnosis classes. Alas, if Quinten finds out that Maudie, the subject of this week’s show, is a fake fatty—disaster! Discovering this truth, Lilly must quickly arrange a refilming of the bad show, but she can’t keep simple Sally from playing the show for Quinten.

Lilly’s cross to bear is one inept girl after another hired by Joshua, sometimes she thinks just to annoy her. Quinten arrives as Lilly is recording past life regressor Bernadine’s breakthrough to ther 1800s life when Sally interrupts with Joshua’s master hyypnosis CDs she’s destroyed. At the same time a frightened Timothy runs from Joshua’s office, announces that Joshua is crazy, and flees.

Quinten’s ears perk up, Lilly’s hopes zoom down, but Joshua is his usual cherry self, telling Lilly “He’ll be back” and welcoming Quinten to drop by anytime and sit in on his weight control and stop smoking sessions whenever he wants.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 2, Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel’s Engaging Episode Descriptions

What I learned from this assignment that episode descriptions need to hook the reader into wanting to see each episode and the entire season. I used the AI prompt which helped me only in giving titles to the episodes.

Episode 1

• Hook/Intrigue: Scandal reporter is investigating Joshua
• Main Character journey: Lilly must keep him at bay.
• Major Challenge/Conflict: Joshua’s treatment for Timothy
• Action/Reaction: Lilly must set up a fake bank robbery.
• Cliffhanger: Timothy’s scared. Will he come back?

Episode 2

• Hook/Intrigue: Joshua asks Sally to teach an exercise class
• Main Character journey: Lilly wants Sally fired and info about Tyrell
• Major Challenge/Conflict: Lilly must keep Quinten from the fake robbery.
• Action/Reaction: Lilly sends Sally to a spa and Quinten to her office.
• Cliffhanger: Lilly’s gay ex-husband—now Kathy—wants to live with Lilly.

Episode 3

• Hook/Intrigue: Maudie, who is not fat, was on Joshua’s TV show.
• Main Character journey: Lilly must arrange for another show.
• Major Challenge/Conflict: She must keep Quinten from seeing the bad show
• Action/Reaction: Joshua hires Shay, angering Lilly, who was not consulted.
• Cliffhanger: Sally offers to show Quinten the bad show.

Episode 4

• Hook/Intrigue: Joshua decides Sally will be on his next show
• Main Character journey: Lilly is furious, but has to arrange another bank prank.
• Major Challenge/Conflict: Also must find an unopenable safe for Tyrell treatment
• Action/Reaction: Lilly takes time off for a lunch date with Kathy.
• Cliffhanger: Will Lilly let gay ex-husband Kathy back in her life?

Episode 5

• Hook/Intrigue: Bernadine’s new show opens and all attend.
• Main Character journey: Lilly and Kathy sit alone in a dark corner.
• Major Challenge/Conflict: Police catch Tyrell trying to crack Dr. Dan’s safe.
• Action/Reaction: Police bring Tyrell who blames Joshua to Bernadine’s show.
• Cliffhanger: Quinten films Tyrell on stage with Bernadine blaming Joshua.

Episode 6

• Hook/Intrigue: Quinten comes to the office for details to complete his story.
• Main Character journey: Lilly can’t keep him from Maudie, Timorthy, Bernadine
• Major Challenge/Conflict: Joshua hypnotizes Quinten
• Action/Reaction: Lilly and Dr. Dan argue about what Joshua should tell Quinten.
• Cliffhanger: Joshua won’t tell what he’s told Quinten to write.

Episode 7

• Hook/Intrigue: Phones ring off the wall with people wanting Sally’s class
• Main Character journey: Lilly is ecstatic when Sally reveals her true identity.
• Major Challenge/Conflict: Joshua tells Lilly about prison and who Shay is.
• Action/Reaction: Lilly and Shay are exceedingly glad.
• Cliffhanger: Will the book make both Joshua and Lilly famous?

Episode 8

• Hook/Intrigue: Joshua’s TV book tour keeps the phones very busy.
• Main Character journey: Lilly is bored with Joshua on the road.
• Major Challenge/Conflict: Joshua, from afar, hires a new girl to help Lilly.
• Action/Reaction: Lilly decides she’s had enough and will quit her job.
• Cliffhanger: Will she change her mind when Joshua sweet talks her?

Episode 1: Invisible Intrigue

Lilly must keep Joshua’s zany treatments secret from scandal reporter Quinten, while writing their details in the book she’s ghosting to make them both famous. She’s miffed at Joshua’s secrecy about new client Tyrell and more miffed about incompetent Sally. The treatment he plans for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s patient who thinks he’s invisible, scares him so much he runs away.

Episode 2: Crfme and Visibility

Lilly is dismayed when Joshua asks Sally to teach an exercise class. Meanwhile, Timothy’s gets under way with Joshua and Dr. Dan accompanying Timothy in a fake bank robbery. As chaos unfolds, Joshua introduces Timothy to past life regressor Bernadine, who’s eager to convince Timothy he has a physical body. Lilly’s gay ex-husband—now female Kathy—wants to live with her again.

Episode 3: The TV Show Shuffle

Joshua and Lilly discover that Maudie, the subject on this week’s TV show, is not actually fat. While Lilly arranges a replacement episode, she must keep Quinten from seeing Timothy who doesn’t like visibility. In a private with Joshua, Shay reveals Lilly is his birth mother. Joshua hires him to help Sally, who offers to show Quinten the bad TV show.

Episode 4: Exercise Extravaganza

Sally’s exercise class gets her promoted to be in the TV show, infuriating Lilly. Quinten gloats over Joshua’s and Sally’s chitchat and the big money Joshua makes. Timothy’s new crisis necessitates another bank prank after which Bernadine recognizes Timothy in a past life breakthrough. WithTyrell’s failed safe-cracking attempt which Libby arranged, she still has time for a lunch date with Kathy.

Episode 5: Showtime Surprise

Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s premature dates, leading to another treatment. Meanwhile, Bernadine’s new show opens, and the entire office attends, including Vicki with Shay. While the show’s in progress, police catch Tyrell cracking Dr. Dan’s safe and blaming Joshua, so police drag him to the show. Bernadine’s breakthrough gets hand-cuffed Tyrell on stage with Quinten gleefully filming it all.

Episode 6: Hypnotic Hijinks

Shay makes points with Lilly when tries but fails to keep Sally from finding a file Quinten wants to complete his story. He confronts Joshua after learning the whole truth from Maudie, Timothy, and Bernadine. Joshua hypnotizes Quinten, and won’t tell Dr. Dan and Lilly what suggestion he gave him, but assures them the suggestions will be followed.

Episode 7: Fame and Revelations

Phones are busy with people wanting an exercise class with Sally, thanks to Quinten’s story about only good things, as Joshua had suggested. Lilly’s rage turns to joy when Sally confesses she’s been investigating Joshua for her publisher uncle who will now publish Lilly’s book. Shocking revelations reveal all secrets, and Shay and Lilly are exceedingly glad.

Episode 8: New Beginnings

With Joshua on book tour, the office bustles with phone calls and new opportunities. Lilly’s book becomes a bestseller, and all relationships evolve. However, Joshua—from afar—hires a new girl, and Lilly decides to quit working for such an unappreciative man. That is, until Joshua comes back, tells her he missed her, and wants to get started on their next book.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 2, Lesson 4

Lenore Bechtel’s Episode List Rough Draft

What I learned from this assignment is methods to brainstorm episodes between the beginning and the end of a series.

THE CHEAT SHEET

1. Beginning…Timothy starts with Joshua same day Lilly receives word that Quinten is coming to write expose on Joshua. …………Season End/Cliffhanger—Joshua hypnotizes Quinten and tells him what to write, but we don’t know what he told him.

• Question A: What is the Beginning of the season and the End of the season? Timothy starts with Joshua same day Lilly receives word that Quinten is coming to write expose on Joshua.
• Question B: What possible cliffhanger could be in that last scene of the season, thus demanding that we watch the next season?Joshua hypnotizes Quinten and tells him what to write, but we don’t know what he told him.

2. Season 1 Mystery Set up…………………………………..………………Season 1 Mystery Solved

• Question A: What is the mystery? Will Lilly succeed in keeping Quinten from discovering Joshua’s zany schemes?
• Question B: How could the mystery be set up? What parts will be left out that must be solved?
• Question C: What it the ultimate solution that the characters must work to discover?

3. Journey begins…when Lilly arranges fake bank robbery…………………………………………………….Journey peaks, but continues.

• Question A: Where does the Lead Character journey begin and end for this season? Lilly thinks making Joshua famous as a hypnotist will make her famous as his ghostwriter.
• Question B: Think about where this character goes in future seasons. That might give you an idea also.
• Lilly puts up with the girlfriends Joshua hires, but secretly yearns to be his girlfriend herself.

4. Secrets: Joshua’s spending time in jail. Lilly’s giving up son for adoption. Sally being undercover for a publisher. .and……Layer….…Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer………Layer……Layer

• Question A: What layers have you already discovered in your BW Framework?Client Shay being Lilly’s son spying on her. Tyrell being Joshua’s prison cellmate. Maudie being slim, not her fat disguise.
• Question B: Are there any other layers that you could think of? Bernadine and Timothy being connected in a previous life.

5. Make a list of the Major Story Lines.

• Question A: What main characters have story lines that affect everyone else? Timothy, Maudie, Sally, Bernadine, Tyrell, Shay, Kathy
• Question B: What are the most important story lines of this show? Timothy will have problems coping with visibility.
• Sally will make a name for herself and also be responsible for getting Lilly’s book published.
• Maudie will come out of her shell and help Timothy adjust.
• Joshua will keep ex-convict happy without doing anything illegal himself.
• Lilly will form two new relationships: with Shay, the son she gave out for adoption and with Kathy, the woman formerly her gay ex-husband Keith
• Quinten will discern everything Lilly tries to keep from him, but he won’t realize he’s a somnabulist—one who can be put into a hypnotic trance very easily.

It is important to know that you don’t need all of these answered perfectly. If you have 60% of the questions answered, you can create an amazing show.

Concept = Hypnotist Joshua’s girl friday Lilly—ghostwriting his book about unusual clients—must protect his reputation for the sake of the book, keeping scandal writers from exposing his zany methods, going undercover with protesting activists, coping with ex-cons who know his illegal past which she didn’t know—all while dealing with her own regretful history.

Episode 1:

Lilly finds out scandal reporter Quinten plans to write a story about Joshua.

Timothy, a schizo who thinks he’s invisible, comes to Joshua to get turned visible.

Dr. Dan briefs Joshua and agrees to be involved with Timothy’s treatments.

Joshua sees Tyrell, who has no appointment, and tells Vicki not to charge him.

Vicki flirts with Tyrell and agrees to meet him for a date, infuriating Joshua.

Lilly pleads with Joshua to fire Sally, who’s inept at everything she tries to do.

Joshua hypotizes Timothy to believe he and Dr. Dan can both be invisible.

Bernadine’s breakthrough is interrupted by Sally, who’s Joshua’s master cassettes.

Timothy gets scared and runs out of the office.

Episode 2:

Joshua dismays Lilly by asking Sally to teach an exercise class.

Lilly send Sally to a spa to learn exercises.

Timothy creeps in and Joshua posts him konk out when Joshua says hocus-pocus.

Libby withdraws $500 of Joshua’s money and arranges for a fake bank robbery.

Joshua, Dr. Dan, and Timothy rob the bank, and get chased when Timothy turns visible

Joshua introduces Timothy to Bernadine, who insists on taking Timothy out for a meal.

Tyrell have a free session with Joshua, wanting to get back his safecracking skill.

Kathy arrives unexpectedly and begs Libby to be her best friend.

Episode 3:

Joshua and Lilly review this week’s TV show and realize Maudie is not fat.

Lilly arranges for the show to be held and another filmed the next day to replace it.

Vicki calls Maudie to come for a free private, during which she removes her fat layers.

Joshua gives Maudie self-esteem suggestions encouraging boldness and pride.

Quinten arrives and Lilly entices him into her office so he won’t see Timothy arrive.

Timothy creeps in, Joshua gives him a cassette and suggests Maudie take him out.

Shay reveals his identity to Joshua, who immediately hires him to work in the office.

Sally shows Quinten Maudie’s TV cassette and asks if he’d like to see it.

Episode 4:

Sally conducts her first exercise class, and Joshua decides to put her on the TV show.

Timothy is having a crisis so Dr. Dan brings him to Joshua for another treatment.

Lilly quickly arranges another bank escapade so Timothy can return money and get over his guilt.

Bernadine’s breakthrough stops when she recognizes as a guard in a past life.

Joshua introduces Timothy to Bernadine, who drags him away with her.

Quinten examines the appointment book and calculates the money Joshua makes.

Quinten takes furious notes every time Joshua compliments Sally.

Tyrell is distraught when he can’t open Dr. Dan’s safe in an attempt arranged by Joshua

Lilly has lunch with Kathy who asks her to move back into the house they once shared.

Episode 5:

Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s two dates too soon, getting him another cassette.

Bernadine insists the whole office come to tonight’s opening of her new show.

Dr. Dan and Joshua sit close to the stage with Vicki, Shay, and Sally. Lilly and Kathy watch from a dark corner booth as Bernadine sings and taps her frame drum.

Dr. Dan confesses his lust for Joshua, who reminds him he’s a married man.

At the same time as the show, Tyrell breaks into Dr. Dan’s office and again tries to open his safe, not knowing Joshua supplied this inoperable safe to use in Tyrell’s treatment.

Police catch Tyrell, who persuades them that Joshua put him up to this theft.

Police drag Tyrell into the nightclub and to Joshua’s table. Bernadine’s immediate breakthrough gets the hand-cuffed Tyrell and his captors on stage.

Tyrell takes the microphone and makes Joshua sound like a monster who hypnotized him to become proficient at safecracking and expected fifty percent of his loot.

Quinten gleefully films it all.

Episode 6:

Sally helps Quinten find the files he needs to complete his story. Shay tries to sidetrack Sally to lessen her damage to Joshua’s reputation.

Lilly tells Shay he’s the first Joshua-hire who actually was helpful to her.

Maudie tells Quinten how she once wanted to be around Joshua all the time.

Timothy tells Quinten how he and invisible Joshua and Dr. Dan robbed a bank.

Bernadine tells him Joshua thinks she lost weight with his group, but she really got in touch with her slim self in a past life.

A delighted Quinten gives Joshua a chance to defend himself, but Joshua hypnotizes him.

Dr. Dan and Lilly argue about what suggestions he should give Quinten, knowing he’s a somnabulist who will write whatever Joshua says.

Episode 7:

Phones ring off the wall with people wanting to sign up for Sally’s exercise class.

Quinten wrote only good things about Joshua, just as he had suggested.

His story made Sally famous, and Lilly couldn’t be less diatraught.

His story also featured Maudie and Timothy, who are now getting multiple job offers.

Sally accepts an offer of her own TV show: Six with Sally

Sally confides to Lilly that her simpleton act was to hide her undercover identity. She was sent by her uncle, a publisher, to find out if Joshua was really legit. He is, and the publisher wants Lilly’s book.

Lilly is ecstatic, but Joshua is not. If he’s on a national book tour, convicts are sure to recognize him and expose his imprisonment for impersonaing a doctor without a license—a crime he commited when too young to realize the repercussions.

When Lilly reprimands him for this secret, he reveals hers. She is Shay’s birth mother.

Episode 8:

With Joshua on a TV book tour, phone calls from everywhere keep the office busy.

Lilly keeps busy rebooking him at every new city and setting up stop smoking and weight control session in every city.

Six with Sally is doing well enough that syndication is expected.

Bernadine now sees Dr. Dan regularly, using her ample medical insurance.

Tyrell—determined to avoid crime—uses his nimble fingers playing piano on sing-a-long nights at Berrnadine’s nightclub.

Lilly’s book makes the bestseller list in every city Joshua hits on his tour.

From afar, Joshua hires a nightclub coat check girl to help with the phones, turning Lilly’s glee into gloom.

She now has a relationships with her son Shay and has decided to quit being everything to Joshua except girlfriend. Kathy no longer harasses her, having a boyfriend who’s living with her in the home she and Libby once shared.

Libby’s plan is to accept one of many ghostwriting offers and work from home.

That is, until Joshua tells her he missed her and how he’s full of new stories for their next book.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8: Lesson 7

Lenore Bechtel has amazing dialogue

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that lines that are boring and average don’t have to stay that way, and that all main characters should never speak in a generic way.

I wasn’t counting, but I estimate I elevated more than twenty lines. I’m not sure I’ll remember the original lines to report on three lines I elevated, so I might have to report on how the lines read now.

I gave my protagonist Libby a tendency to use similes, especially reference to ancient Greek mythology.

In her opening monologue, Libby says to the ticket agent:

For twenty-eight years I’ve been patient Penelope waiting to see my precious Odysseus once again at our special spot in Schulenburg Park. Now you alone could turn my Greek drama into a Romeo and Juliet tragedy. Would you keep Nicole Kidman from her Tom Hanks? Sharon Osbourne from her wacky Ozzy? Bacall from her beloved Bogart? Please, please, find a flight to connect me to my Zhores. Will you give me a fitting climax for my life’s desire, or assign me to a life of paradise lost?

I changed “Still, he was there immediately, afterwards, when we called him.” To

Still, he was there, afterwards, when we called him–as quickly as a magician’s slight of hand.

Another new line:

You’ve been drowning in the blood of misconduct, which was truly only misdirection.

Changed “Even child prodigies makes dumb decisions “ to:

Even child prodigies make decisions dumb as a doorknob on a tree that’s not hollow. As bad as Oedipus.

Changed “Listen! This child is a genius.” To:

Listen! This child is more talented than a painter with a rainbow palette. She’s a genius.

And added later:

As gifted as Orpheus charming all living creatures.

[Lenore]

BWTV-AI Module 2, Lesson 3

Lenore Bechtel’s Five Seasons

What I learned from this assignment is that it’s impossible to put many details into one short paragraph describing a season. I also learned that what I thought was my concept for the series was actually the concept for only the first season. Therefore, I start this assignment with my new concept.

Concept = Hypnotist Joshua’s girl friday Lilly—ghostwriting his book about unusual clients—must protect his reputation for the sake of the book, keeping scandal writers from exposing his zany methods, going undercover with protesting activists, coping with ex-cons who know his illegal past which she didn’t know—all while dealing with her own regretful history.

Season 1: PREVENTING A SCANDAL

Lilly, a ghostwriter and girl friday to hypnotist Joshua, must prevent scandal reporter Quinten from discovering Joshua’s methods dealing with an invisible schizo, a fatty impersonator, and a past life regressor. If Quinten exposes what he learns, chances of a bestseller and national recognition will be ruined. Joshua hypnotizes him, but won’t say what he told him to write.

Season 2: DEFYING A MOBSTER

Quinten writes only good things about Joshua’s office, and a publisher wants Lilly’s book with 20,000 more words. A youth with the transplanted heart of a mobster whose cohart controls him needs Joshua’s help, plus a punk singer who thinks she’s being poisoned, and a psychic who helps police. Joshua gets the youth freed, and the psychic warns Lilly not to write his story.

Season 3: NIXING THE NAYSAYERS

The publisher won’t use Lilly’s mobster chapter, so she’ll write about the woman being haunted by a ghost and her time-traveling bother. Anti-hypnosis acitivists picket their Tulsa office, and Lilly goes undercover to expose their jealous leader—a competitve hypnotist.. Joshua is busy with Timothy wanting invisibility, Activists picket Joshua’s TV show, demanding its cancellation.

Season 4: EXPANDING THE FAN BASE

Publicity about the picketing results in Joshua’s TV show being aired in Oklahoma City, infuriating OC’s Dr. Mindbender, whom Edgar Carson ( Edgar Cayce reincarnated) has helped without creddit. His and Lilly’s scheme destroysvhis practice. A teen who thwarted a suicide pact becomes Lilly’s final chapter, but Carson predicts a bestseller won’t make Lilly happy.

Season 5: MANAGING NATIONAL FAME

With Joshua on a TV book tour, phone calls from around the country keep the office busy. From afar, Joshua hires a nightclub coat check girl to help on the phones, turning Lilly’s glee into gloom. She’s reconciled with her son and has decided to quit being everything to Joshua except girlfriend. She’s accept one of many ghostwriting offers and work from home. That is, until Joshua tells her he missed her and how he’s full of new stories for their next book.

Here are my original paragraphs for each season. I am keeping them to guide me as I write the pilot and future episodes.

Season 1: PREVENTING A SCANDAL

How can Lilly—Hypnotist Joshua’s girl Friday and ghostwriter—keep scandal reporter Quinten from discovering how Joshua helps Timothy, a schizophrenic who wants to be seen, a slim gal who fakes fatness to be near Joshua in a weight group, and a karmic-obsessed singer/drummer who harasses him for past life regressions? No doubt, Quinten’s expose will destroy Lilly’s chances of a bestseller and both their chances for the national recognition they covet. Quinten discovers all, but Joshua hypnotizes him at the season’s end, and he’s a deep hypnotic subject who will do what he’s told. What will Joshua tell him to write in his story?

Season 2: DEFYING A MOBSTER

Quinten followed Joshua’s suggestion and wrote only about the good he saw in his office—and more good happens: a publisher wants Lilly’s book, but needs 20,000 more pages. Can she possibly write about the mobster who needs Joshua to entice a treasure’s location from a youth who received his boss’s heart in a transplant? Or the punk singer who asks Joshua to sample her lunches every day because she thinks her mother is trying to poison her? Or the onslaught of hopeful clients and curious media who swarm the office when a psychic claims Joshua’s hypnosis is responsible for her skill at helping police solve crimes? At season’s end police free the youth, arrest the mobster kidnapper, and the psychic correctly reveals the treasure’s location, but warns Lilly about writing that story in her book.

Season 3: NIXING THE NAYSAYERS

Lilly writes about how the mobster tried to use Joshua, who outwitted him, but the publisher says he can’t use it. Maybe—if Joshua helps her—the woman who’s being haunted by a ghost will make a good story, along with her brother who needs Joshua’s guidance to understand why he constantly time travels. If only Lilly had time to devote to the book! A group of anti-hypnosis activist who believe hypnosis is a form of mind control have begun picketing, and Lilly must go undercover with the group to expose the activists’ leader—a psychiatrist envious of Dr. Dan who refers his hopeless cases to Joshua. Lilly’s on her own to keep the activists at bay because Joshua is too involved with Timothy, the schizo who he helped be visible who now has a dire need to be invisible again. The season ends with the activist group picketing the TV stations where Joshua’s weekly show is filmed, demanding that his show be cancelled.

Season 4: EXPANDING THE FAN BASE

Publicity about Joshua’s show being picketed makes it more popular than ever, and an Oklahoma City station also starts airing it, infuriating an OC psychologist/hypnotist, Dr. Mindbender. The two perform rival shows at the OC state fair, and Joshua steals many clients to his Tulsa office. One is Edgar Carson, a reincarnation of the famed psychic Edgar Cayce, who prescribed medical cures while in a self-induced trance. Dr. Mindbender uses Carson’s cures without giving him credit. A scheme with Lilly as the corrupt doctor’s patient and Quinten writing the expose his lack of credentials and destroy his practice. Lilly completes the book with the story of Joshua’s helping a 15-year-old girl who backed out of a suicide pact with two boys after they killed themselves, and was then ostracized from her small community. The season ends with Edgar Carson, whose psychic skills no one doubts, predicting that the book will be a best seller, but it will make Lilly very unhappy.

Season 5: NATIONAL FAME FRUSTRATES

With Joshua on a book tour being interviewed on TV shows around the country, the office phones are so busy with viewers registering for his stop smoking and weight control sessions Lilly scheduled in each city. From afar, Joshua hires a nightclub coat check girl to help Vicki, turning Lilly’s glee into gloom. Notable clients from past seasons attend Joshua’s welcome back party, including Quinten who gets all their success stories they attribute to Joshua. The youth who received a top mobster’s heart has revelations he needs to share with police. Dr. Dan is now a psychiatrist/general practitioner, implementing cures prescribed through Edgar Carson’s trances. Timothy and Maudie are married, happily employed as make-up artists, and expecting their first baby. Lilly has reconciled with the son she gave up for adoption, is going to quit being everything to Joshua except girlfriend, and will write the memoirs of the mobster Joshua outwitted in season two. That is, until Joshua tells her how much he missed her and how he’s eager for them to get started on another book.

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 2, Lesson 2

Lenore Bechtell’s Character Descriptions

What I learned from this assignment is that I need to sum up an intriguing character in no more than three sentences.

Lilly

Who is the character? Role in the show? Protagonist and Joshua’s ghostwriter and girl Frieday

Noteworthy traits: Ms. Competence herself.

Intriguing history: Hides having given a baby up for adoption and being divorced from a gay

Intrigue? Mystery? Divorced from a gay man. As unwed teen, gave up baby for adoption.

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? Must participate in Joshua’s schemes

Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: Joshua, too, has secret past.

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: She’s straight-laced and Joshua’s happy go lucky.

Unpredictable? Always business-like, no matter how frustrated.

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: She wants Sally fired, but Sally ends up being responsible for getting Lilly’s book published.

START: Joshua’s straight-laced girl friday and ghostwriter desperate for book publication plays cat and mouse with a scandal reporter to protect Joshua’s reputation.

MIDDLE: She discovers Joshua’s past is far more scandalous than his zany cures

ENDING: And becomes his partner-in-fake-crime, always hoping to win Joshua’s affection.

With AI’s help: Lilly Brandon, Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday, is a ghostwriter and producer who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. With an open desire for recognition as a writer, Lilly’s hidden desire is a romantic relationship with Joshua.

Joshua

Who is the character? Role in the show? To keep Lilly frustrated and help her discover herself

Noteworthy traits: Willingness to do whatever it takes to help people.

Intriguing history: Changed his name after being imprisoned for impersonating a doctor.

Intrigue? Mystery? Cellmate’s appearance threatens to expose him and ruin reputation.

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? He’ll help anyone with any conflict.

Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: He hides own need for help.

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: He doesn’t care if the book gets published because his past might get revealed.

Unpredictable? Totally!

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: He and Lilly are a team, not a couple.

START: Joshua convinces a schizophrenic who think he’s invisible that Joshua and Dr. Dan can both be invisible too.

MIDDLE: After several threesome invisible adventures, a fake bank robbery turns the schizo visible, but Joshua must help him like being seen.

ENDING: When a scandal reporter Quinten (a great hypnotic subject) discovers the truth, Joshua faces a moral dilemma about what suggestion to give him?

Quinten

Who is the character? Role in the show? Antagonist and ruthless scandal reporter

Noteworthy traits: Picking out something bad in everything he sees.

Intriguing history: His stories have ruined many reputatiions.

Intrigue? Mystery? He previously had no success writing feel-good features.

How do they support or drive the conflict with others? Lilly must hide things from him.

Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character

Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: All love Joshua and hate Quinten.

Unpredictable? He drops into the office off and on very unexpectedly.

Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: He likes ditzy Sally who Lilly wants fired.

START: Quinten is a ruthless scandal reporter determined to find dirt in Joshua’s office.

MIDDLE: He gleefully discovers that Joshua featured fake-fatty Maudie on his TV show, disdained Bernadine’s past life breakthroughs, and finally wised up to Timothy and his invisible buddies.

ENDING: He and no one else knows—until his story is published—that Joshua’s suggestion to him under hypnosis was that he’d find something good in the office to write about. He did, and his story gave Sally such notoriety she got her own TV exercise show.

Start, middle and ends for all other characters

Timothy

START: Timothy is a schizophrenic, referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan who has been unable to convince him he’s visible.

MIDDLE: Joshua hypnotizes him to believe both he and Dr. Dan can be invisible too, and they have faked invisible outings before the big one—fake robbing a bank. To help Timothy learn to like visibility, Joshua fixes him up with both Maudie and Bernadine.

ENDING: He quits hiding and pulling his hat over his face and is proud to pose in a picture with Sally which is published with Quinten’s story.

Dr. Dan

START: Dr. Dan, money-hungry psychiatirst who argues long term psychotherapy works better than short time hypnosis, still refers his hopeless cases to Joshua.

MIDDLE: He regretfully becomes one of the three invisible buddies, but lusts after Bernadine, whose shows he and Joshua often attend.

ENDING: Failing throughout to get Joshua to regress her to past lives, Bernadine becomes Dr. Dan’s patient with loads of insurance to pay her bills.

With AI’s help: Dr. Dan Dreiden, dedicated psychiatrist, refers his hopeless cases to Joshua after their insurance runs out. He is an expert in long-term psychiatry and patient care, but struggles with his own desires and boundaries in his marriage. Despite occasionally acting out of character, audiences will appreciate his empathetic nature and dedication towards his patients.

Sally

START: The very inept Sally was hired by Joshua, who has a habit of hiring girl friends and agitating Lilly, who has to find tasks for them.

MIDDLE: Sally thrives on Joshua’s compliments, which are sure to come no matter how badly she’s done her tasks and how hurtful her comments to Quinten might be to his reputation.

ENDING: When Quinten’s story makes her an overnight sensation, she reveals only to Lilly that she’s been undercover from a publisher wanting to know if Joshua was legit—and he is!

Maudie

START: Maudie’s so enthralled by Joshua that she pads her body to attend his weight group, resulting in his using her as a subject on his TV show.

MIDDLE: Lilly finds out before the show airs, Joshua works hypnotically on Maudie, and gives her the self confidence to ask Timothy for a date, which leads to Timothy enjoying being seen.

ENDING: Maudie and Timothy are a couple who both have new jobs and won’t need Joshua any more.

Vicki

START: She’s Joshua’s cousin whose boyfriend dumped her and previous employers fired her. Her cheerful facade and tendency to randomly burst into song and dance hide her insecurities, and she secretly flirts with male clients.

MIDDLE: Tyrell, Joshua’s former cellmate, and Shay, Lilly’s child given up for adoption, try to date her, Joshua fears one of them might have been sent by a rapist who threatened to rape Joshua’s only female cousin.

ENDING: She’s much better at her job, sings and dances less, and is found a beau on a dating app.

Bernadine

START: A nightclub singer/drummer, she’s Joshua’s weight client who’s convinced her soul group is waiting for her to get this life right so they can all move on. She wants hypnotic regression to past lives to figure out karmic dues for this life.

MIDDLE: She has many breakthroughs, all recorded by Lilly whose writing them in her own book. She recognizes Timothy from a previous life and insists of taking him out, teaching him lots.

ENDING: She had the breakthrough needed to convince her to give up promiscuity, but she’s going to be Dr. Dan’s patient because Joshua still refuses to do past life regressions.

Tyrell

START: Joshua’s cellmate in prison, he tracked Joshua down for hypnosis to sharpen his safecracking skill with his fingers he’s always exercising. Joshua fears he might be a fill-in for the rapist he offended in prison.

MIDDLE: He takes Vicki out and ends up playing piano at bar. Somehow he’ll get Joshua involved in something sinister that I haven’t figured out yet.

ENDING: Joshua’s hypnosis suggesting he want to go straight takes effect, and making a living using his nimble fingers playing piano for bar singalongs.

Shay

START: Survivor of an accident that killed the parents who adopted him, Shay discovers that Lilly is his birth mother. He comes to the office as a client, not revealing his identity.

MIDDLE: When Joshua realizes he’s a non-smoker in a stop smoking group, he suspects he might have been sent to rape Vicki. Confrontation results in Joshua learning the truth and having to decide how to tell Lilly.

ENDING: Lilly, who recently sought information to find her son, is delighted to reunite with him.

[Lenore]

BW TV Module 1 Lesson 13

Lenore Bechtel is ready for feedback

What I learned from this lesson is I had chosen the wrong character as protagonist. So I now have a newly worded concept.

My complete characters profiles are in Lesson 11.

Project Title: Hypnotized by Hope

Concept: Joshua’s girl Friday Lilly—who is ghostwriting his self-help book—must keep scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck from discovering his zany methods of dealing with an invisible schizo, a fatty impersonator, and a past life regressor, while coping with a ditzy new-hire who’s driving her crazy. All goes further awry when a secret from Joshua’s illegal past threatens to destroy his reputation and her chance for a best-selling book.

To exchange feedback, email me at lenorebechtel33@gmail.com.

[Lenore]

BWTV-AI Module 1, Lesson 9

Lenore Bechtel’s Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned from this assignment is that loops cause questions that can only be answered in future episodes. The audience’s need to know the answer will keep them coming back for more.

Big picture open loops in Hypnotized by Hope

Will Timothy, after Joshua’s treatment convinces him he’s not invisible, ever enjoy life as a person who can be seen?

Will Quentin find the Joshua scandals he needs to write an expose and destroy his repuation?

Will Lilly continue putting up with Joshua’s continuing compliments to Sally, in spite of her ineptness in the office?

Will Joshua ever recognize that Lilly has the qualities he needs for a romantic partner?

Will Dr. Dan continue to risk his own reputation helping Joshua with his zany cure methods?

Will Bernadine ever break through to the past life that will reveal the karma she must overcome in this life?

Will Maude always need hypnosis to convert her from a shy, hideaway recluse into a normal person?

Will Vicki ever quit offering overtime work every time she makes a mistake on the phone?

Will Lilly ever hear from the publisher querried about the book she ghosted for Joshua?

[Lenore]

BWTV-AI Module 1, Lesson 10

Lenore Bechtel’s Plot and Character Layers

What I learned from this assignment was that I need two new characters to give my plot enough layers. They are Tyrell Black and Shay Whitman.

Winning Time layers:

Will Jerry Buss be successful at turning the Lakers into a winning team?

Will Claire Rothman make the Forum financially sound?

Will Jerry West get over his failures, stop drinking, and become the Lakers’ coach again?

How will things play out with Jerry Buss’s NBA competitors?

Will Magic Johnson stop being promiscuous and finally settle down with Cookie?

Will Jerry Buss’s daughter ever have reason to be proud of him?

Will Kareem stick with the team or quit to devote himself to his religion?

The layers for Hypnotized by Hope

Concept: Hypnotist Joshua Hope doesn’t let scandal reporter Quentin Quebeck’s snooping around interfere with his zany methods of dealing with a guy who thinks he’s invisible, a make-believe fat woman, and a karma-obsessed musician, leaving his gal friday Lilly struggling to preserve his reputation. All goes further awry when a secret from Joshua’s illegal past returns to haunt him.

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.

Joshua Hope

Major scheme revealed—Joshua and Lilly hope the book she’s ghosting for him will put him on the national scene

Mystery revealed—Joshua Hope was once Joshua Hopper, a Michigan hypnotist who was convicted to six months in prison for impersonating a medical doctor without a license.

Thought the story was one thing, but it is another—The story was about helping Timothy Graves, a schizophrenic who thinks he’s invisible, a make-believe fat woman, and a karma-obsessed drummer.

Major shift in Meaning—Joshua now must secretly cope with an ex-convict Tyrell Black, who discovered his new Oklahoma identity. Now that he knows how easily his past was uncovered, he also questions his goal of attaining national recognition.

Hidden history: To save his own skin, Joshua hypnotized three prison guards who then allowed a notorious mobster to escape.

Hidden plan: Tyrell’s expertise is making friends with rich people who keep valuables in private safes. He plans to get each together with Joshua who will hypnotize them to reveal their safes’ combinations.

Major betrayal: If Joshua won’t cooperate, Tyrell will tell the media and prison authorities how Joshua helped the mobster escape.

CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.

Lilly Brandon

Secret identity—She tells no one that the husband she loved—her boy toy—left her for a man, but she was tired of supporting him anyway.

Character intrigue—The reason she puts up with Joshua’s zany pranks and the inept girlfriends he hires is to show him she’s truly the one worthy of a romantic relationship with him.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—She wants recognition as a writer to show her gay ex-husband that she made it in her field while he’s still struggling in his field of acting.

Hidden Character history—She’s had no success getting her personal writing published, and feels she’s doomed if she doesn’t make it with Joshua’s book.

Sally Singleton

Secret identity—She’s the daughter of a publisher interested in Lilly’s book proposal

Character intrigue—She pretends to be ditzy to test Joshua’s tolerance and compassion.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—Her dad sent her to find out if the cures reported in Lilly’s book are legit

Hidden Character history—She always been financially dependent upon Daddy.

Dr. Dan Dreiden

Secret identity—None. He’s a reputable psychiatrist.

Character intrigue—He doesn’t resent being accused of being money-hungry.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—He’s willing to participate in Joshua’s zaniness.

Hidden Character history—When his problem patients’ insurance runs out, he refers them to Joshua.

Timothy Graves

Secret identity—He thinks he’s invisible because he’s truly afraid of being visible.

Character intrigue—He wears loud colors that make him very conspicuous.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—none. When he didn’t go to his fast food job, no one tried to find out why.

Hidden Character history—He watched while his parents fought all the time, paying him no attention, causing him to think he’s invisible. Maintenance feels consumed a $500 bank account they started for him, making him very resentful.

Maudie Patterson

Secret identity—She’s slim.

Character intrigue—She pads her body to look fat.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—At a hypnosis show she was forced to attend, Joshua posted her to feel compelled to stay close to him on stage. Although he took the suggestion back at the end of the show, she refused to give it up. So she comes to his weight group to be close to him.

Hidden Character history—Her job at the Chamber of Commerce is to put mailing labels and stamps on outgoing mailings. She likes the job because she’s shy and does not like interacting with people.

Vicki Hope

Secret identity—Not secret. She’s Joshua’s cousin, hired because she’d been fired from other jobs.

Character intrigue—So apologetic about making mistakes that she’s always offering to work overtime for no pay.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—She’s going to get involved with both Tyrell and Lilly’s ex—not knowing one is a crook and the other is gay.

Hidden Character history—Her steady high school beau went to college and met and fell for someone else. She has few opportunities to meet eligible guys.

Bernadine Dione

Secret identity—She’s uncovered many from past lives.

Character intrigue—You never know when she might burst into a remarkable breakthrough to another past life.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—She’s convinced her soul group is waiting for her.

Hidden Character history—She must find out from her past lives what karmic debts she owes so she can pay them in this life and move on with her soul mates.

Tyrell Black

Secret identity—safecracker

Character intrigue—He’s slick enough to make quick friendships with rich people.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—He wants only to rob their safes.

Hidden Character history—He escaped from prison the same time as the mobster, who was very upset at having him barge in on his plan.

Shay Zigler

Secret identity—He used being gay as his excuse to divorce Lilly, but it was really to move back to Mama.

Character intrigue—He’s dating Vicki hoping to find out about Lilly’s love life now.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—He makes a living as living statue performer at various Tulsa locations.

Hidden Character history—Lilly helped him research his various historical costumes and poses, but expected him to someday get a job that would help them survive.

Quinten Queback

Secret identity—No secret. He’s a free lance journalist who specializes in exposes that damage his subject’s reputation.

Character intrigue—He doesn’t know he’s what Joshua calls a somnabulist—his term for a person who goes very deeply into hypnosis.

Hidden relationships and conspiracies—If Joshua wants to, he could hypnotize him and tell him to write wonderful things about Joshua and his clients.

Hidden Character history—The dirtier the dirt he digs up, the happier he is.

3. Organize them each into a possible sequence of reveals.

Plot Surface:

Layer 1: Keep Quinten from discovering Timothy’s treatment

Layer 2: Keep him from discovering Joshua used Maude on his TV show.

Layer 3: Find out why Joshua is so secretive about Tyrell.

Layer 4: Joshua uses the mobster to solve the Tyrell problem, but will he compromise his morality by solving the Quentin problem with hypnosis?

Character Surface:

Layer 1: Maude’s contribution to Timothy’s recovery

Layer 2: Bernadine’s contribution to Timothy’s recovery

Layer 3: Sally’s gaining her own fame and frustrating Lilly

Layer 4: Sally revealing her true self and judging Joshua legit.

I don’t have the plot figured out well enough to know when reveals will happen, but I do know there’ll be many.

[Lenore]

BW TV Module 1 Lesson 12

Lenore Bechtel’s Creating Irony

What I learned from this lesson is that creating irony is not as hard as I thought it would be. I hope getting the irony into the script itself will be so easy.

Irony exists in the major conflict. Quinten wants to catch Joshua performing unethical treatments with his clients, but the audience knows about Joshua’s past imprisonment, a fact that would give Quinten an immediate scandalous story.

Irony exists with Maudie padding her body to be close to Joshua in his weight group because the stress causes her to overeat, and she ends up gaining weight.

Irony exists with the gal Lilly wants to get rid of—Sally—ended up being the one who’s responsible for Lilly’s book getting published.

Irony could exist if Lilly happened to be trying to find Shay at the same time he’s hanging around the office checking her out.

Irony could exist if Tyrell, who wants Joshua’s hypnosis to help him want to avoid crime, ended up preventing Joshua from himself committing a crime. It’s have to be a funny crime, so this would take some thought.

Irony could exist if Joshua’s treatments for Timothy, who’s afraid of woman, turned him into a unscrupulous womanizer, causing Joshua to have to take a new approach.

Irony could exist if Bernadine researched a breakthrough about her very last carnation and found convincing evidence she and Dr. Dan amassed a huge karmi debt they both need to atone for in this incarnation.

Irony could exist if Vicki, wanting a boyfriend so badly and suddenly having prospects in Tyrell Shay, and Quinten, decided to become a nun.

I like my irony possibilities better than what AI gave me, which follow.

Character Irony: Lilly, Joshua’s girl Friday, is ghostwriting a book about him with the hope of putting him on the national scene. However, she is also struggling to preserve his reputation and prevent Quinten from discovering his treatments. This creates character irony as Lilly is torn between promoting Joshua and protecting him from potential scandal.

Situational Irony: When Joshua, a hypnotist who deals with people’s perceptions, is faced with a client who believes he is invisible. This creates a situation where Joshua, who is supposed to have control over people’s minds, struggles to help someone who has a distorted perception of reality.

Plot Irony: Tyrell Black, Joshua’s prison cellmate, discovers Joshua’s new identity. This creates plot irony as the person who was supposed to be Joshua’s confidant and support system ends up being the one who poses a threat to his reputation.

Situational Irony: Shay Wright, the 20-year-old son Lilly gave up for adoption, starts making appointments with Joshua just to check out his birth mother. The irony lies in the fact that while Shay is trying to secretly investigate his birth mother, he unknowingly ends up revealing his true identity to Joshua, who is completely unaware of their connection. This creates a situation where the audience knows the truth, but Joshua remains oblivious to the irony of the situation.

Dramatic irony: The audience knows that Shay Wright is Lilly’s long-lost son, but neither Joshua nor Lilly are aware of this fact. This creates tension and irony as She visits Joshua for hypnosis sessions.

Situational irony: Vicki, who ensures clients listen to a relaxation recording before seeing Joshua, is constantly stressed and overwhelmed herself. Despite her role in promoting relaxation, she struggles to find peace and balance in her own life.

[Lenore]

BWTV-AI Module 1, Lesson 8

Lenore Bechtel’s Show Mysteries

What I learned from this assignment is that a series needs two types of mysteries — one to instantly intrigue and another to build even more intrigue over time.

Assignment 1 with my example show, Winning Time

Mysteries:

1. Shocking event mystery: Will Jerry Buss be successful at turning the Lakers into a winning team?

2. Over-the-time mysteries:

If Jerry Buss’s mother dies, will he be able to continue new business deals without her?

Will Magic Johnson stop being promiscuous and finally settle down with Cookie?

Will the right coach ever be found for the Lakers?

Will Jerry West ever get over his failures and become the Lakers’ coach again?

Assignment 2 with my show, Hypnotized by Hope

1. My Shocking Event Mystery: Will Joshua’s scheme of hypnotizing Timothy to believe he and Dr. Dan can turn themselves invisible help solve Timothy’s problem of believing he’s invisible?

Secret: Joshua arranges a fake bank robbery to prove his and Dr. Dan’s invisibility.

Investigation: The audience is set up to wonder how being an invisible threesome will or won’t help Timothy realize he truly is not invisible.

WHO caused schizophrenic Timothy to think he’s invisible?

WHAT will Joshua keep doing to convince him he’s not?

WHEN: during the same week Quentin Quebeck is looking for a scandal to discredit Joshua

WHERE: In the Traveler’s Tower office building in Tulsa, OK

WHY? Because Dr. Dan has been unable to help Timothy with psychotherapy.

HOW? Joshua will help Timothy by exposing him to experiences that confirm he’s been seen.

2. Over-the-time Mystery: Will Quentin Quebeck find the scandal he wants, publish the details in the National Intrigue, and destroy Joshua’s reputation?

WHO can keep Quentin from learning about Joshua’s zany methods of cure?

WHAT can Lilly do to keep Quentin from destroying the chances for the book she’s writing?

WHEN: during the same week Timothy, Dr. Dan, and Joshua are being invisible together.

WHERE: in the office and the nightclub where Bernadine performs.

HOW will Joshua handle Quentin once he discovers he can be hypnotized very deeply?

Over-the-time mystery: Half way through the series, Lilly will discover Joshua’s dark secret that Quentin would love to know. Early in his career, he was charged and convicted to six months in prison for practicing medicine without a license.

Over-the-time mystery: Will Joshua finally relent and do past life regressions with Bernadine who’s convinced she must revisit all her past lives before she can successfully move on with her soul group?

Over-the-time mystery: Is sweet Sally really as dumb as she seems, or does her dumb act conceal an ulterior motive?

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8: Lesson 6

Lenore Bechtel has incredible monologues

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the long monologes I wrote into my first draft, knowing good monologues are big actor attractors, needed improvement. I’ve tried to do that with tips learned about engaging banter, anticipatory dialogue, and subtext dialogue.

My first monologue happens in the first scene, when my three major characters, strangers to each other, are in line at a United ticket counter to find flights to Berlin. Libby’s flight from Honolulu didn’t make her connection in Chicago, Allison needs a flight starting in Chicago, and Freida’s flight from San Francisco didn’t make her connection. Libby is first in line, with Allison next behind her, and Freida behind Allison.

Here’s the scene with Libby’s rewritten monologue. The Male Ticket Agent has just told Libby all flights to Berlin have already departed, and she’s asked for a flight this night anyplace in Europe with a connection to Berlin.

TICKET AGENT

That’s probably not possible.

LIBBY

You must make it possible. Do you see that clock?

The Male Ticket Agent and FEMALE TICKET AGENT at the computer next to him both look behind them to the clock that reads 9:35. Both immediately start pecking on their computers, but the Male Ticket Agent’s face visibly reacts as Libby says the following.

LIBBY

(becoming more emotional as monologue progresses)

Many flights to European destinations must be leaving soon so people can sleep on the way. Huh! While this lady right here, right here, right here might never again have a sleeping night’s peace–never, never! Not for the rest of my life–if I don’t get to Berlin tomorrow. Do you understand? Do you even know that the Wall is coming down, and how important that is to some people? And yes, I mean me! Me! This sweet persona who promised my Russian lover when we were separated by the Wall to meet him on the very day it comes down. For twenty-eight years I’ve been patient Penelope waiting to see my precious Odysseus once again at our special spot in Schulenburg Park. Now you alone could turn my Greek drama into a Romeo and Juliet tragedy. Would you keep Nicole Kidman from her Tom Hanks? Sharon Osbourne from her wacky Ozzy? Bacall from her beloved Bogart? Please, please, find a flight to connect me to my Zhores. Will you give me a fitting climax for my life’s desire, or assign me to a life of paradise lost?

This monologue makes Allison and Freida curious enough to want to hear about Zhores when they’re all sitting together on the airplane.

Here’s the setup for Freida’s monologue.

Libby has just told Freida that the husband Freida left is Libby’s son. Freida is in tears over Libby’s story of being separated from Zhores by the Wall, regretting that even though she loved Stuart as much as Libby loved Zhores, she left him:

FREIDA

With only note. If told him in person, I not pulled myself away from him.

ALLISON

(accusingly, disapprovingly)

A note?

FREIDA

And receipt to pick up pictures I took. Before-and-after earthquake damage.

LIBBY

So eager to leave you couldn’t wait for the pictures to be developed?

Freida tears turn to bawling, and Libby takes her hand and pats it.

LIBBY

It’s time for you to tell us your story, fearful Freida, my daughter-in-law. I don’t believe for a moment that you left the husband you love for fear of a future earthquake.

Allison, nodding, leans forward to gaze over Libby to Freida.

Libby continued patting Freida’s hand, and Freida continues bawling.

ALLISON

Truth heals. It got rid of my Aunt Sonja’s communist brainwashing like an exorcism.

Libby seems surprised at Allison’s statement, but continues patting Freida’s hand.

LIBBY

Yes, tell us the truth. You did Stuart wrong, and I did Stuart wrong. Maybe working together, we can make things right with him for both of us.

Freida grabs tissues extended by Allison over Libby, wipes her eyes, and blows her nose.

FREIDA

I a thief. If stay in America, I go to jail.

ALLISON

You stole that necklace?

FREIDA

If possible to be too smart, you are.

LIBBY

Tell us. Why did you steal it?

Freida’s monologue starts here:

FREIDA

First time I see this pendant, I know… I sure it the one Gestapo stole from Aunt Cleo, She say if she knew the Nazis come that night, she put it up her vagina. That how much she love it! But those bad bad Nazis, might have found it anyway. Cruel, they were. She lucky to survive. So when I see pendant, I know how happy Aunt Cleo would be to have it back. I plan to save money to buy, but I go back to jewelry store to make sure it still there. On fourth trip I take Stuart’s camera to take picture to send to Aunt Cleo, just to be sure it right necklace. ‘Cause expensive, you know. Thought I should be sure. Max told me to put it on to take picture, and as soon as I did, whole store start shaking. Max fell down–I don’t know if hurt or just not balanced, like me. I almost fell and almost dropped the camera, but didn’t. Thank Lord! I should not take Stuart’s camera without asking. I think I realized then we have earthquake, and two customers–mean looking guys–crashed a glass cabinet and pulled out stuff. Just kept crashing and looting, crashing and looting. I scared. I got down on knees so wouldn’t see me. Crawled right out of store. Somehow stumbled back to our mess, our apartment. Then realized I still wearing the pendant.

The setup for Allison’s monologue:

Allison and Libby are walking in Schulenburg Park toward the spot where Libby and Zhores agreed to meet when they see a couple up ahead.

LIBBY

See that couple up ahead? On the bench on the right?

ALLISON

I expect it to be my grandparents.

LIBBY

What? I expect it to be Helga and Heinz.

ALLISON

Then we’d both be right.

Allison takes off in a run, the couple sees her, rise, and lift her into a group hug.

HELEN

Precious girl, how in the world did you get here?

HANK

And why are you running around Berlin at this late hour?

ALLISON

Because I need an answer to a very important question.

Libby, Freida, and Stuart are now close enough to hear.

LIBBY

And I have a question too. Is this handsome couple the ones who promised to meet me and Zhores on the very day the Wall came down?

Helga/Helen bearhugs Libby and Heinz/Hank bearhugs them both.

HELEN

Dear friend, we knew you would be here.

HANK

We have much to catch up on.

ALLISON

Not until my question is answered.

All look to Allison expectantly.

Allison’s monologue begins here:

ALLISON

(to Helen and Hank)

You promised as soon as I was old enough you’d tell me my father’s name. I am old enough to be invited for an audition with Claudio Abbado, director of the Berlin Philharmonic. Therefore, I am old enough to know whose genes designed my DNA. However, I now ask only for your confirmation of what I already know.

(Opening her arms to include

Freida, Stuart, and Libby as listeners)

You see, this brainy brat that I sometimes am wants to boggle your minds with an extraordinary family tree. When Libby and Stuart visited in 1978, you were still Helga and Heinz, and my mother was still Olga. When you moved to America and took your new names Helen and Hank, Olga’s new name was Olive. But Grandmother, you know that you often forgot and “Olga” slipped out of your mouth. I feel certain that Olga and Stuart did more than play baseball during that visit, because otherwise I might never have been born. Therefore, I need you to confirm that my genetic blueprint came from Libby’s son Stuart who has no idea he fathered this lovable, lonely wunderkind who’ll be so happy to no longer be fatherless.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8: Lesson 6

Lenore Bechtel has incredible monologues

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the long monologes I wrote into my first draft, knowing good monologues are big actor attractors, needed improvement. I’ve tried to do that with tips learned about engaging banter, anticipatory dialogue, and subtext dialogue.

My first monologue happens in the first scene, when my three major characters, strangers to each other, are in line at a United ticket counter to find flights to Berlin. Libby’s flight from Honolulu didn’t make her connection in Chicago, Allison needs a flight starting in Chicago, and Freida’s flight from San Francisco didn’t make her connection. Libby is first in line, with Allison next behind her, and Freida behind Allison.

Here’s the scene with Libby’s rewritten monologue. The Male Ticket Agent has just told Libby all flights to Berlin have already departed, and she’s asked for a flight this night anyplace in Europe with a connection to Berlin.

TICKET AGENT

That’s probably not possible.

LIBBY

You must make it possible. Do you see that clock?

The Male Ticket Agent and FEMALE TICKET AGENT at the computer next to him both look behind them to the clock that reads 9:35. Both immediately start pecking on their computers, but the Male Ticket Agent’s face visibly reacts as Libby says the following.

LIBBY

(becoming more emotional as monologue progresses)

Many flights to European destinations must be leaving soon so people can sleep on the way. Huh! While this lady right here, right here, right here might never again have a sleeping night’s peace–never, never! Not for the rest of my life–if I don’t get to Berlin tomorrow. Do you understand? Do you even know that the Wall is coming down, and how important that is to some people? And yes, I mean me! Me! This sweet persona who promised my Russian lover when we were separated by the Wall to meet him on the very day it comes down. For twenty-eight years I’ve been patient Penelope waiting to see my precious Odysseus once again at our special spot in Schulenburg Park. Now you alone could turn my Greek drama into a Romeo and Juliet tragedy. Would you keep Nicole Kidman from her Tom Hanks? Sharon Osbourne from her wacky Ozzy? Bacall from her beloved Bogart? Please, please, find a flight to connect me to my Zhores. Will you give me a fitting climax for my life’s desire, or assign me to a life of paradise lost?

This monologue makes Allison and Freida curious enough to want to hear about Zhores when they’re all sitting together on the airplane.

Here’s the setup for Freida’s monologue.

Libby has just told Freida that the husband Freida left is Libby’s son. Freida is in tears over Libby’s story of being separated from Zhores by the Wall, regretting that even though she loved Stuart as much as Libby loved Zhores, she left him:

FREIDA

With only note. If told him in person, I not pulled myself away from him.

ALLISON

(accusingly, disapprovingly)

A note?

FREIDA

And receipt to pick up pictures I took. Before-and-after earthquake damage.

LIBBY

So eager to leave you couldn’t wait for the pictures to be developed?

Freida tears turn to bawling, and Libby takes her hand and pats it.

LIBBY

It’s time for you to tell us your story, fearful Freida, my daughter-in-law. I don’t believe for a moment that you left the husband you love for fear of a future earthquake.

Allison, nodding, leans forward to gaze over Libby to Freida.

Libby continued patting Freida’s hand, and Freida continues bawling.

ALLISON

Truth heals. It got rid of my Aunt Sonja’s communist brainwashing like an exorcism.

Libby seems surprised at Allison’s statement, but continues patting Freida’s hand.

LIBBY

Yes, tell us the truth. You did Stuart wrong, and I did Stuart wrong. Maybe working together, we can make things right with him for both of us.

Freida grabs tissues extended by Allison over Libby, wipes her eyes, and blows her nose.

FREIDA

I a thief. If stay in America, I go to jail.

ALLISON

You stole that necklace?

FREIDA

If possible to be too smart, you are.

LIBBY

Tell us. Why did you steal it?

Freida’s monologue starts here:

FREIDA

First time I see this pendant, I know… I sure it the one Gestapo stole from Aunt Cleo, She say if she knew the Nazis come that night, she put it up her vagina. That how much she love it! But those bad bad Nazis, might have found it anyway. Cruel, they were. She lucky to survive. So when I see pendant, I know how happy Aunt Cleo would be to have it back. I plan to save money to buy, but I go back to jewelry store to make sure it still there. On fourth trip I take Stuart’s camera to take picture to send to Aunt Cleo, just to be sure it right necklace. ‘Cause expensive, you know. Thought I should be sure. Max told me to put it on to take picture, and as soon as I did, whole store start shaking. Max fell down–I don’t know if hurt or just not balanced, like me. I almost fell and almost dropped the camera, but didn’t. Thank Lord! I should not take Stuart’s camera without asking. I think I realized then we have earthquake, and two customers–mean looking guys–crashed a glass cabinet and pulled out stuff. Just kept crashing and looting, crashing and looting. I scared. I got down on knees so wouldn’t see me. Crawled right out of store. Somehow stumbled back to our mess, our apartment. Then realized I still wearing the pendant.

The setup for Allison’s monologue:

Allison and Libby are walking in Schulenburg Park toward the spot where Libby and Zhores agreed to meet when they see a couple up ahead.

LIBBY

See that couple up ahead? On the bench on the right?

ALLISON

I expect it to be my grandparents.

LIBBY

What? I expect it to be Helga and Heinz.

ALLISON

Then we’d both be right.

Allison takes off in a run, the couple sees her, rise, and lift her into a group hug.

HELEN

Precious girl, how in the world did you get here?

HANK

And why are you running around Berlin at this late hour?

ALLISON

Because I need an answer to a very important question.

Libby, Freida, and Stuart are now close enough to hear.

LIBBY

And I have a question too. Is this handsome couple the ones who promised to meet me and Zhores on the very day the Wall came down?

Helga/Helen bearhugs Libby and Heinz/Hank bearhugs them both.

HELEN

Dear friend, we knew you would be here.

HANK

We have much to catch up on.

ALLISON

Not until my question is answered.

All look to Allison expectantly.

Allison’s monologue begins here:

ALLISON

(to Helen and Hank)

You promised as soon as I was old enough you’d tell me my father’s name. I am old enough to be invited for an audition with Claudio Abbado, director of the Berlin Philharmonic. Therefore, I am old enough to know whose genes designed my DNA. However, I now ask only for your confirmation of what I already know.

(Opening her arms to include

Freida, Stuart, and Libby as listeners)

You see, this brainy brat that I sometimes am wants to boggle your minds with an extraordinary family tree. When Libby and Stuart visited in 1978, you were still Helga and Heinz, and my mother was still Olga. When you moved to America and took your new names Helen and Hank, Olga’s new name was Olive. But Grandmother, you know that you often forgot and “Olga” slipped out of your mouth. I’m glad that Olga and Stuart did more than play baseball on that trip, because otherwise I might never have been born. Therefore, I need you to confirm that my father is Libby’s son Stuart who has no idea that he fathered this lovable, lonely wunderkind who will be so happy to no longer be fatherless.

[Lenore]

BWTV-AI Module 1, Lesson 7

Lenore Bechtel’s Show Empathy/Distress

What I learned from this assignment was the difference between Big Picture empathy/distress and detail-oriented empathy/distress.

Assignment 1 with my example show, Winning Time

Big picture empathy: We want the LA Lakers to become a winning team.

Specific empathy: We want this for Jerry Buss because he’s risked so much financially.

We want this for Magic Johnson because he’s a sweet guy we’d like to see get rich and famous.

Big picture: We want the Forum to be profitable.

Detail-oriented: We want this for Claire, who’s in charge of making it happen, because she’s put up with sexual harassment to stick with this job and she deserves recognition.

We want this for Jerry Buss for financial reasons, and for Jeanie Buss because she’s helping Claire now.

Detail-oriented: We want Jerry West to overcome his emotional problems and coach the Lakers again. We feel truly sorry about his father’s treatment toward him as a boy and for his not maintaining his status as an NBA star. We’d like him to stop drinking so much.

Detail-oriented: We ‘re distressed with Jerry Buss’s mother who disappoints him, but we empathetic toward her because she’s been creative, but lawful, with Jerry’s finances through the years. Also distressed that she puts him down, even knowing his ventures have probably put her through hell. We’d like for her to still stick by her son.

Detail-oriented: We’re distressed with Magic Johnson for making details without his father’s imput and for cheating on Cookie even when he’s in the same town with her.

We’re sympathetic to Magic for not receiving the praise he’d like to get from his mother.

We can help but love Magic with all his flaws because of his constant happiness.

Assignment 2 with Hypnotized by Hope

Big picture empathy: We want Joshua to keep scandal reporter Quentin Quebeck from discovering his unorthodox help methods that could give him very bad publicity. (External character conflict.) (Moral dilemma)

We want his methods to help Timothy turn visible and hope visibility will make him happy. (Undeserve misfortune)

We’re sympathetic with Lilly for having to keep Joshua’s inept girlfriends occupied with jobs in the office. We like to see her get a life beyond her paid job to make Joshua famous. (Undeserved misfortune)

Detail-oriented:

We laugh at Sally’s silliness but love her because of her constant positive interpretation of everything she does wrong. (She’s very relatable.)

We’re sympathetic with Timothy and his invisibility distress and want Joshua to be able to help him.

We’re sympathetic with Maudie who pads her body so she’ll qualify for Joshua’s weight group.

We’re sympathetic with Bernadine’s distress at not knowing what she must do in this incarnation to move on with her soul group.

We empathize with Dr. Dan because he wants to help Joshua help Timothy, who he’s tried unsuccessfully to help.

We’re intrigued to know if Dr. Dan or Joshua will ever prove to the other which one is the superior helper?

Prompt used with AI:

I’m going to provide my TV series [Genre], [concept], and [conflict]. Can you give me ways to create [distress] and [empathy] for each of my [lead characters]? Please be detailed and provide unique and specific answers for each character in short sentences that are precise.

Distress =

A. Undeserved misfortune.

B. External Character conflicts.
C. Plot intruding on life.
D. Moral dilemmas.
E. Forced decisions they’d never make.

Empathy =

A. Put them in distress.

B. Make them relatable.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional.

Genre = Comedy

Concept = Hypnotist Joshua Hope’s uses zany methods to help clients with unusual problems.

Conflict = Joshua’s goal of attaining national fame is threatened when scandal reporter tries repeatedly to uncover scandals in his office

.

Lead Characters =

Joshua Hope, hypnotist and star of a Tulsa TV show, a carefree guy who doesn’t mind taking risks to help cllients with problem.

Lilly Brandon, Joshua’s girl Friday who’s ghosting a book about Joshua with the hope its publication will put him on the national scene.

Timothy Graves, a schizophrenic who thinks he’s invisible and is referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan Dreiden.

Dr. Dan Dreiden, Joshua’s buddy, a flashy, money-hungry psychiatrist who refers his hopeless cases to Joshua.

Maudie Patterson, who’s so fascinated with Joshua she pads her body to be fat so she can come to his weight control group session.

Sally Singleton, a shapely, sexy inept latest girlfriend of Joshua’s whom he’s hired to help Lilly and Vicki in the office.

Vicki Hope, Joshua’s perky cousin and busy receptionist in charge of making appointments and having private clients listen to a relaxation recording before seeing Joshua.

Bernadine Dione, a karmic-obsessed singer/drummer, who has been unsuccessful in talking Joshua into doing past life regressions with her, but has frequent past life breakthroughs on her own.

Quentin Quebeck, National Intrigue reporter whose scandalous stories have destroyed reputations of scores of highly successful people.

AI feedback from prompt

So far I haven’t found a jewel I want to work with, but I’m saving all the suggestions to review as my project develops.

Joshua Hope:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Joshua could face unwarranted accusations of unethical hypnotism practices, damaging his reputation.

B. External Character conflicts: His relationship with Lilly may be strained due to the book project, leading to personal and professional conflicts.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Show the emotional toll Joshua experiences when his reputation is at risk, making viewers empathize with his struggles.

B. Make them relatable: Explore Joshua’s insecurities and self-doubts about his unconventional career choice, making him more relatable.

Lilly Brandon:

Distress:

C. Plot intruding on life: Lilly’s personal life is disrupted as her obsession with the book project strains her relationships.

D. Moral dilemmas: She may face moral conflicts when digging into Joshua’s personal life for the book.

Empathy:

B. Make them relatable: Highlight Lilly’s ambition and the desire to succeed, showcasing her dedication to her work.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Depict Lilly’s personal struggles and the challenges of balancing her career with her personal life, resonating with viewers.

Timothy Graves:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Timothy could be falsely accused of a crime due to his schizophrenia, creating an undeserved burden.

D. Moral dilemmas: Joshua may face moral dilemmas when deciding how to help Timothy while respecting his condition.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Show the daily challenges Timothy faces living with schizophrenia, making the audience empathize with his condition.

B. Make them relatable: Reveal the moments of clarity and vulnerability that Timothy experiences, allowing viewers to connect with his character.

Dr. Dan Dreiden:

Distress:

B. External Character conflicts: Dr. Dan could face professional conflicts when his money-making referrals to Joshua are questioned.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: He might be forced to confront his own ethical values when the well-being of his patients is at stake.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Depict Dr. Dan’s inner conflict when his self-interest clashes with his ethical responsibilities, making viewers empathize with his choices.

B. Make them relatable: Show his desire for success and the dilemmas many professionals face when balancing ethics and ambition.

Maudie Patterson:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Maudie’s desperation for Joshua’s attention could lead to humiliating situations.

C. Plot intruding on life: She may experience personal upheaval when her obsession with Joshua affects her daily life.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Show Maudie’s unrequited love and how it affects her self-esteem, evoking empathy from viewers.

B. Make them relatable: Explore Maudie’s longing for acceptance and connection, highlighting the universal desire for love and belonging.

Sally Singleton:

Distress:

B. External Character conflicts: Sally’s relationship with Joshua could be tested due to Lilly’s presence in the office.

E. Forced decisions they’d never make: She may be forced to make choices against her own interests to maintain her job.

Empathy:

B. Make them relatable: Show Sally’s vulnerability and the challenges of maintaining a relationship while working in an unconventional office, making her character more relatable to the audience.

C. Universal experiences that are emotional: Depict the struggles of trying to fit into an unconventional work environment, resonating with viewers who have faced similar challenges.

Vicki Hope:

Distress:

B. External Character conflicts: Vicki’s loyalty to Joshua may lead to conflicts within the office, affecting her relationships.

D. Moral dilemmas: She could face moral dilemmas when supporting Joshua in his unconventional career.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Show Vicki’s dedication to her role and how her loyalty to Joshua can lead to personal sacrifices, generating empathy from viewers.

B. Make them relatable: Explore Vicki’s determination and the challenges of working in a unique office, making her character more relatable.

Bernadine Dione:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Bernadine may face setbacks in her quest for past life regressions, leading to frustration.

C. Plot intruding on life: Her obsession with Joshua could disrupt her personal life and relationships.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Highlight Bernadine’s passion for spiritual exploration and the obstacles she faces, making viewers empathize with her journey.

B. Make them relatable: Explore her spiritual quest and the universal desire for self-discovery, connecting with viewers who have similar interests.

Quentin Quebeck:

Distress:

A. Undeserved misfortune: Quentin could face backlash from his relentless pursuit of Joshua’s scandals.

B. External Character conflicts: His obsession with Joshua may strain his relationships with colleagues.

Empathy:

A. Put them in distress: Show the consequences of his ruthless reporting on people’s lives, making viewers empathize with the impact of his actions.

B. Make them relatable: Reveal his drive for success and the challenges of maintaining his career in the competitive world of scandal reporting, making him a more complex character.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8: Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel is great at Subtext Pointers

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that my title for this assignment is probably a lie.

I found many places to use metaphors and similes, but they are not necessarily subtext pointers. Nevertheless, I do believe they improved the dialogue. Here are ten of them.

Before:

Why, you might ask?

After:

Why, you might ask, is getting to Berlin tomorrow as crucial to me as the oxygen that gives me life?

Before:

FREIDA

Was that all an act?

ALLISON

The situation demanded it.

After:

FREIDA

Was that all an act?

ALLISON

The situation demanded it.

LIBBY

Of course, that violin sticks to you like a refrigerator magnet.

ALLISON

Thanks for understanding.

Before:

I’d seen the Major only four times in my life, but I didn’t care.

After:

I’d seen the Major only four times in my life, but I hadn’t suffered scars of separation.

Before:

ALLISON

I’ll sleep with it right here in my lap. I don’t part with my violin.

LIBBY

You made that clear. You can lay it flat, if you want.

After:

I’ll sleep with it right here in my lap. I don’t part with my violin.

LIBBY

You made that clear as cellophane. You can lay it flat, if you want.

Before:

LIBBY

I told the Major I was going whether he approved or not, he insisted on coming with me.

After:

LIBBY

I told the Major I was going whether he approved or not, but he and Marilyn and Stephanie came too, like a wolf pack protecting this pup.

Before:

I agree with Allison. You shouldn’t have left him because of an earthquake.

After:

I think you’re finding it hard to swallow a teaspoon of regret. I think you’re thinking you shouldn’t have left him because of an earthquake.

Before:

FREIDA

Now in United States, I a criminal and can’t go back, or I go to jail.

LIBBY

Yes you can. And to clear your conscience, you can pay max for the pendant.

After:

Now in United States, I a criminal and can’t go back, or I go to jail.

LIBBY

Yes you can. You’ve been drowning in the blood of misconduct, which was truly only misdirection. And to clear your conscience, you can pay Max for the pendant.

Before:

ALLISON

I knew you were bright. But pediatrics surprises me.

LIBBY

I hoped that field would provide a vicarious motherhood experience, the one that I’d missed. Deciding not to mother Stuart was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.

After:

ALLISON

I knew you were bright. But pediatrics surprises me.

LIBBY

I hoped that field would provide a vicarious motherhood experience, the one that I’d missed. I was a kangaroo deprived of her joey. Deciding not to mother Stuart was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.

Before:

ALLISON

I’m not going to explore. I’m going only to the Louvre.

LIBBY

Even child prodigies make dumb decisions.

After:

ALLISON

I’m not going to explore. I’m going only to the Louvre.

LIBBY

Even child prodigies make decisions dumb as a doorknob on a tree that’s not hollow.

Before:

FREIDA

So that what this all ‘bout.

LIBBY

Listen! This child is more talented than a rainbow paletted painter. She’s a genius.

Before:

LIBBY

You’ll will enhance our reunion. We must get to our spot.

STUART

(amused)

The spot where I was conceived?

After:

LIBBY

You’ll will enhance our reunion– an eaglet awaiting its bald eagle. We must get to our spot.

STUART

(amused)

The spot where the eagle’s sperm connected with yours and I was conceived?

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8: Lesson 4

Lenore Bechtel loves Covering Subtext

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that Berlin Rendezvous has no scenes in which the audience knows more than the characters. The entire plot revolves around the three strangers in the dramatic triangle discovering their unknown relationship to each other as Libby tries to keep her promise to meet her Russian lover the day the Wall comes down.

What is the deeper meaning the audience already knows? Nothing! My job has been to drop enough clues that the audience might figure out the relationships, and if not, at least look back and recognize that the clues were there.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8: Lesson 3

Lenore Bechtel loves Anticiipatory Dialogue

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is many good ways to include anticipatory dialogue in scenes.

When I went through each of my scenes, looking for those that didn’t have something to make the audience curious about something to come, I found none. I think they all have dialogue meant to cause the audience to need to know more.

I had hoped that I’d be able to improve my script with each lesson, but that didn’t happen with this script. Still, I think the dialogue I’ve written can still be improved.

I’m happy at this point with all my characters except my protagonist—the most important. All the others have something very distinctive about the way they put words together. I would like Libby to use frequent colorful metaphors and hope the right ones will come to me soon.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8: Lesson 2

Lenore Bechtel loves Attack/Counterattack Dialogue

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that AI liked my confrontational scenes between Libby and the Major.

I couldn’t come up with any ideas of making those scenes any better, so I asked AI for help, using this prompt:

“This screenplay scene takes place at Berlin’s Schulenburg Park in August, 1961. The Major insists on taking his new wife and new stepdaughter Stephanie with his 18-year-old daughter Libby who’s meeting a Russian soldier for their first blind date. Libby has seen the Major, her birth father, only four times in her lifetime, and she resents his not trusting her to go to this date alone. Please rewrite the dialogue to make the Major and Libby more confrontational.”

All AI did was insert parentheticals indicating the way each speech was delivered. Egads! I felt comfortable using only two or the twenty or so AI supplied.

Therefore, I decided not to ask for help on the other confrontational scenes I’d picked for this assignment. I couldn’t come up with many improvements, but maybe I will as I continue this Great Dialogue module.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 8, Lesson 1

Lenore Bechtel’s Dialogue Structures

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that scenes I thought were wonderful can be made better.

Identifying my scripts scenes that could be driven by dialogue: almost all of them. I found two that could benefit from the dialogue structure techniques of this assignment.

I rewrote the scene when Heinz tells about his mother leaving him in a drawer when he was a newborn, with subtext driving the meaning and making Heinz a more sympathetic characters.

I rewrote the scene when the Major learns the Wall is going up, making his intention to help Libby’s friends escape the East a major twist and a turning point for Libby’s feelings about him.

[Lenore]

BW TV Assignment 6

Lenore Bechtel’s Show Relationship Maps

What I learned from this assignment is that planning characters relationships in advance of writing the script is very challenging, but using the relationship map helped a lot.

Map for main character in Winning Time:

TV Relationship Map

3 maps for main characters in Hypnotized by Hope

TV Relationship Map

TV Relationship Map

TV Relationship Map

I don’t understand how I could cut and paste these maps into a word processing document, but when I try to cut and paste it here, it doesn’t work. At least I’ll be able to print them out to refer to as I continue the writing process.

[Lenore]

BW TV Assignment 6

Lenore Bechtel’s Show Relationship Maps

What I learned from this assignment is that planning characters relationships in advance of writing the script is very challenging, but using the relationship map helped a lot.

Map for main character in Winning Time:

TV Relationship Map

3 maps for main characters in Hypnotized by Hope

TV Relationship Map

TV Relationship Map

TV Relationship Map

I can’t understand how I could cut and paste the maps into a word processing document, but when I try to paste the whole thing here, it won’t work. At least it works for me to print out and refer to during the writing process.

[Lenore]

BW TV Assignment 5

Lenore Bechtel’s Character Emotions

What I learned from this assignment: I used the prompt for AI to no avail. After each AI session, I’ve deleted the feedback and probably should have left it all. I’m sure if I had, the feedback would not be so vague and perhaps more helpful.

Emotional profile for Winning Time

Jerry Buss

His hope is to turn the Lakers into a winning team. His fear is that might not happen.
His want is to finally buy something he wants to keep. His need is to prove his worth to his mother.
His base negative emotion is greed. His public mask is being a big spender even when he doesn’t have the mone.
His weakness is pretty, sexy women.
His trigger is anything that is not done perfectly.
His copying mechanism when triggered is to throw a temper tantrum.

Magic Johsnon

His hope is to get rich as an NBA star. His fear is he might not be ready for the NBA.
His want is to fit in with the LA crowd. His need is to remain close to his family and Detroit girlfriend, Cookie. (I think that’s her name.)
His base negative emotion is lust. His public mask is keeping his sexual escapades secret and always seeeming cheerful and innocent.
Weaknesses: self esteem needs reinforcement
Triggers: being criticized when he knows he’s right
Coping mechanism: lashing out or fighting as the situation demands.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

His hope is to improve the world. His fear is he might never get beyond playing basketball.
His want is to do something to improve Black status. His need is to do something to please Allah.
His base negative emotion is discontent with society. His public mask is a prideful man who seems to care only for himself.
Weaknesses: He lacks the ability to admit he was wrong.
Triggers: Criticism.
Coping mechanism: lashing out of fighting as the situation demands

Emotional profile for Hypnotized by Hope

Joshua Hope

Situational: Hope/Fear.

Joshua’s hope is to become national famous, but his fear is that he might never gain recognition beyond the local level.

Motivation: Want/Need

He wants to be worldly rich, but what he really needs is a rich romantic relationship

Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

He feels incapable of a lasting romantic relationship, so his public mask is presenting himself as a guy uninterested in settling down but drifting from one pretty girl to the next.

Weaknesses

He’s always afraid the leg cramps from his past polio will reveal themselves when he’s on stage, allowing his audience to know hypnosis hasn’t helped his legs.

Triggers

He cannot tolerate having his methods of help challenged. If told he can’t or shouldn’t do something, he’s all the more determined to do it.

Coping Mechanism

Maintaining his persistent, positive, happy-go-lucky temperament, ignoring anyone who triggers him.

Secret Identity:

With all his success, he still harbors resentment about weird things, like his parents giving him bad advice about what to wear to a junior high dance and his college fraternity not electing him president after his ingenuity saved their house from being shut down.

Timothy Graves

Situational: Hope/Fear

Timothy hopes being visible will make people notice him, but fears even if he were, they might not.

B. Motivation: Want/Need

Timothy wants Joshua’s hypnosis will help him be visible, but what he needs is to have his existence and worth acknowledged by someone who matters.

C. Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

He feels worthless, and his public mask is convincing himself he’s invisible.

D. Weaknesses

The idea of having fun becomes irresistable to him, making him very susceptible to Joshua’s suggestions.

E. Triggers

Feeling he’s not treated fairly, such as when he didn’t go to work and no one cared to find out why, and when his forgotten bank account disappeared because of maintenance fees.

F. Coping mechanism

Be invisible!

G. Secret identity:

If he can ever get visible, he thinks he’d like to be a don juan.

Bernadine Dione

Situational: Hope/Fear

She wants to discover the karmic debt she owes in this incarnation. Her fear is she won’t discover it, pay it, and get to move on with her soul group.

B. Motivation: Want/Need

She wants to use past life regression to help her know what to do in this life. Her need is to validate her self worth.

C. Base Negative Emotion/ Public Mask

Disappointment that her musical instrument is only a drum. Her mask is to present herself as a superwoman in all respects.

D. Weaknesses

Bodily pleasures.

E. Triggers

Anyone who does not take her seriously.

F. Coping mechanism

She’s an expert at putting people down.

Dr. Dan Dreiden, Psychiatirst

Situational: Hope/Fear

He hopes Joshua will cure patients he himself can’t help. His fear his that Joshua’s zaniness will get them both in trouble.

B. Motivation: Want/Need

He truly wants to help his patients. He needs their cures to reinforce his own selfworth.

C. Base Negative Emotion/Public Mask

He can’t help lusting over beautiful women, though never breaking his marriage vow. His mask is being a happily married man and professional in his psychiatic practice.

D. Weaknesses

Money. He keeps his patients for as long as their insurance allows.

E. Triggers

Any references to his greed

F. Coping mechanism

He usually insists on paying the bill to demonstrate how unconcerned he is about money.

Lilly Brandon

Situational: Hope/Fear

She wants the book she’s writing for Joshua on the best-selling list. She fears bad publicity about Joshua’s zany methods will spoil chances of getting a publisher.

B. Motivation: Want/Need

She wants her name on the book as co-author. She needs public acknowledge of her writing talent.

C. Base negative emotion/ public mask

Intolerance, but she presents herself as a highly competent person capable of coming up with solutions for any problem.

D. Weaknesses

Resentment that she’s not treated as nicely as she thinks she treats others

E. Triggers

Any new girlfriend Joshua hires to work in the office

F. Copying mechanism

Pretending to help the new girlfriend while plotting how to get rid of her.

Sally Singleton, a new girlfriend Joshua hired for the office

Situational: Hope/Fear

She pretends to want to be a competent office worker. Her fear pretends to be that she’s not smart enough.

B. Motivation: Want/Need

She wants to discover if Joshua is a legitimate healer. Her need is to give him multiple opportunities to prove or disprove himself.

C. Base negative emotion/public mask

She pretends she incompetent. Her public mask is pretending to be a sweet, positive, simpleton.

D. Weaknesses

Finishing other people’s sentences with sexual innuendoes

E. Triggers

Anyone who shows disaproval of her

F. Copying mechanism

She gives the disapproving person something more outrageous to dislike.

G. Secret identity:

A publisher interested in Lilly’s book proposal sent Sally to investigate Joshua and his hypnotic practice to make sure he’s a legimate healer. This truth will not be revealed until the final episode.

[Lenore]

BW TV Assignment 4

Lenore Bechtel’s Intriguing Characters

Intriguing characters in Winning Time

Jerry Buss is willing to do anything to win, but underneath is a person who’d rather help than hurt. His hides that the Forum is near bankruptcy by offering to spend mountains of money. Underneath, he also vain, as demonstrated by the pride he takes in his hairdo that hides his baldness.

Jerry West’s wound never heals, but grows. He was a basketball player who never achieved stardom, and a coach who never had a winning team. Basketball tortures him, but he can’t live without it. Viewer wonders what his hidden agenda is for quitting as coach of the Lakers.

Magic Johnson has a weakness for sex and hides his promiscuousness. He keeps secrets especially from his mother and Cookie.

Claire Rothman is a kind, business-oriented manager who wants what’s best for the Forum, but her hidden ruthless side sometimes explodes in tirades against her employees.

Characters introduced in episode 3

Pat Riley, former player, now supported by his psychologist wife, needing a job as sports commentator, working on his wound, which is his voice which sounds gay.

Jerry Tarfavian, controversial coach known for his tantrums.

Zastro who supplies drugs at parties with naked women and invites Magic, who can’t resist. His hidden agenda might be to ruin Magic to keep him from helping the Lakers.

My intriguing characters in Hypnotized by Hope, my own brainstorming:

Joshua Hope’s stated goal is to achieve national fame as a hypnotist.

Role: to risk sabotaging his goal by using zany, sometimes illegal strategies to help people overcome severe problems

Hidden agenda: to prove to the world that short-term hypnosis is more helpful than long-term psychotherapy to people with problems.

Competition: He’s in constant competition with Psychiatrist Dr. Dan, who refers his hopeless cases to him for one last chance of a cure.

Secret: He’s unable to help his own occasional leg cramps—the after effects of childhood polio.

Deception: He presents himself as a happy-going philanderer with one girl friend after another, but that persona is a deception. He’s had two marriages and two divorces and is poor at maintaining a relationship.

Timothy Graves is a schizophrenic who thinks he is invisible.

Role: to give Joshua a scandalous way to prove to him he’s can be seen.

Hidden agenda: to have people notice him. He’s had jobs in fast food restaurants, where no one ever talked to him. He deliberately would not show up for work to see if anyone would care enough to look for him. No one did.

Wound: He forgot about accumulating $500 in a banking account which he forgot about for ten years. Maintenance fees dropped his balance to zero, convincing him a bank wouldn’t do that to a visible person.

Bernadine Dione is a karmic-obssessed singer/drummer who has hypnotic breakthroughs into her past lives.

Role: to lure Joshua into using hypnosis for past life regressions, to recognize Timothy Graves from a past life, and to tempt Dr. Dan with her seductiveness, to give Lilly material for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua

Wound: She’s convinced her soul group in the next dimension can’t move on until she joins them, but she doesn’t know what lesson she needs to learn in this incarnation.

Secret Identity: She’ll find she was promiscuous in a previous life and need to upright and moral in this one.

Intriguing characters layers I found with AI help using this prompt:

For each of the (main characters) for this (genre) about this (concept) please brainstorm the (intriguing layers) of that character that fit this TV series well.

Intriguing Layers =

Character Name:

Role:

Hidden agendas:
Compeetition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets:
Deception:
Wound:
Secret Identity:

Genre = comedy

Concept = A hypnotist risks sabotaging his goal of attaining national fame by using zany, sometimes illegal, methods to help clients with unusual problems.

Main characters = Hypnotist Joshua Hope,

Timothy Graves, a schizophrenic who thinks he is invisible.

Bernadine Dione, a karmic-obssessed singer/drummer

Character Name: Joshua Hope

Role: Hypnotist

Hidden agendas: Joshua secretly longs for the approval of his estranged father, a famous magician, and hopes to one day surpass his father’s success. This ambition fuels his desire for national fame.

Conspiracies: Joshua becomes embroiled in a bizarre conspiracy involving a group of former clients who claim his hypnosis has given them supernatural powers. He must navigate this strange web of secrets to protect his reputation.

Secrets: Joshua is concealing the fact that he has a phobia of clowns, which becomes problematic when a client, a clown, seeks his help.

Deception: To maintain his eccentric image, Joshua regularly stages elaborate public stunts, deceiving the public into believing they are spontaneous events, while they’re meticulously planned by him.

Wound: Joshua carries the emotional wound of a failed romantic relationship with a fellow hypnotist, which has left him with commitment issues and a tendency to self-sabotage.

Secret Identity: Joshua has a secret alter ego as a stand-up comedian, performing at a local club under the name “Hypno-Humorist,” but he goes to great lengths to keep these two worlds separate.

Character Name: Timothy Graves

Role: Schizophrenic who thinks he is invisible

Hidden agendas: Timothy is secretly on a quest to find a way to prove his invisibility is real, and he believes Joshua’s hypnosis might hold the key to this. He hopes that if he can become visible, he will finally gain the attention and respect he craves.

Competition: Timothy’s competition is not with imaginary foes, but with his own self-doubt and the skeptical world around him. He constantly tries to outsmart his delusions and convince others of his invisibility.

Conspiracies: Timothy gets caught up in a bizarre conspiracy involving a group of eccentric individuals who believe that true invisibility is possible and are seeking to uncover its secrets. He becomes their unwitting pawn, as they believe his condition holds the key to their success.

Secrets: Timothy secretly maintains a journal detailing every moment he believes he’s been invisible, complete with sketches and diagrams of his escapades, all hidden away in his apartment.

Character Name: Bernadine Dione

Role: Karmic-obsessed singer/drummer

Hidden agendas: Bernadine secretly seeks to atone for a terrible incident in her past by living a life devoted to karma and positive energy, which she channels into her music.

Competition: She is in competition with a rival musician, Zara Zenith, who uses darker themes in her music. Bernadine believes Zara’s music is creating negative energy in the world, and she’s determined to outshine her.

Conspiracies: Bernadine gets involved in a series of bizarre and hilarious conspiracies involving her belief in karma and her conviction that the universe is conspiring against her rival, Zara Zenith.

Secrets: She has a collection of “good karma” trinkets that she carries with her at all times, believing they bring her luck, and she’s deeply embarrassed by her superstitious tendencies.

Wound: She is haunted by a guilt-inducing childhood incident that she has never disclosed to anyone, which fuels her determination to spread positive energy through her music.

Secret Identity: Bernadine adopts a quirky, mystical persona online, known as “KarmaQueen,” where she dispenses advice and conducts karmic rituals for her followers, all while maintaining her image as a down-to-earth musician in public.

I’m keeping the layers listed so I can take my time deciding if I like any of them. I immediately discarded some I didn’t like at all.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learned from this assignment is that the characters that will cause the public to tune in are—except for the protagonist—characters that will be cured in this series and therefore not continue on in the second season. But even as I wrote that sentence, I thought well, maybe they could be drop-ins in the second season, which will have new unusual clients needing Joshua’s help.

The journey of this show: Lilly wanted national publicity for the book she’s ghosted for Hypnotist Joshua Hope, but not the kind scandal reporter Quentin Quebeck will write. While coping with a ditzy new-hire who’s driving her crazy, she must keep Quentin from discovering Hypnotist Joshua Hope’s unorthodox methods of dealing with a man who thinks he’s invisible, a make-believe fat woman, and a karma-obsessed drummer who sprint this comedy to a startling conclusion.

These characters will sell this show:

Joshua Hope, superb hypnotist and local celebrity, cares so deeply about helping people with problems that he employs unorthodox methods beyond hypnosis to help them. Doing so, he risks his reputation and jeopardizes his ultimate goal to achieve national recognition.

His role in the show is to cure any client who comes his way, giving Lilly, his girl Friday, another chapter to write in the book that will make him famous.
His unique purpose is to use hypnosis in unimaginable ways that viewers will hold in awe.
His intrigue is his unpredictability that keeps Lilly on her toes and Dr. Dan in fear for the hopeless cases he refers to Joshua.
Who knows what moral boundaries Joshua might cross if he felt it might help a hurting client?
Unpredictable: Very much so!
Empathetic: Viewers will enjoy watch Joshua have so much fun as he helps others.

Timothy Graves is a schizophrenic who thinks he’s invisible. Psychiatrist Dr. Dan, unable to help him, refers him to Joshua, with the intentions of staying involved in his treatment.

His role in the show is to give Joshua comic opportunities for helping a serious problem.
His unique purpose is to have a unique problem. He sees nothing when he looks in a mirror.
His intrigue is his ambivalence about whether or not he truly wants to be visible.
A deep hypnotic subject, he’ll do anything Joshua tells him to do when he’s hypnotized.
Unpredictable: Very!
Can’t imagine a viewer who wouldn’t be eager to find out if Joshua can cure this man.

Bernadine Dione is a sexy, karmic-obsessed singer/drummer who has lost weight with Joshua’s weight control group. Joshua refuses to hypnotize her for past life regression, but she has hypnotic breakthroughs on her own.

Her role in the show is to recognize Timothy from one of her past lives and give him an experience with a female in this one.
Her unique purpose is to discover in a breakthrough the moral change she needs to make in this life to move on with her soul group.
Her intrigue is her extensive historical knowledge, all obtained through breakthroughs.
She must learn that she crossed too many moral boundaries in this life and what to do to be able to move on in eternity.
Viewers, especially those who’ve never considered reincarnation, will surely want to find out about past lives and soul groups who reincarnate together to learn what they need to know to spend eternity in bliss.

As the assignment said to do, I used AI to prompt another version of my characters, but I must have given too much information because AI basically reworded what I’d just told it. I can see how the prompt would help if I didn’t already have a plot in mind for my specific characters.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 7, Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel’s Elevated Dialogue!

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I could not be nearly as creative as the examples of elevated dialogue given in this lesson. I ended up rewording probably 75% of Libby’s and Freida’s dialogue, and believe I truly elevated Freida’s by making her sound like a German speaking English imperfectly. But I basically shortened Libby’s speeches. Child prodigy Allison already spoke much too intelligently for a 12-year-old, so I left most of her speeches as written.

In the next lessons, I will continue brainstorming dialogue. My brainstorming this time never came up with more than three ways of saying the same thing. I need to work on attaining this skill.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Three Circles of Characters

BW TV ASSIGNMENTS 2 AND 3

What I learned from this assignment is that AI will be very helpful in coming up with comic connected characters for episodes beyond the pilot.

WINNING TIME

Main Character Circle:

Jerry Buss, who bought the losing LA Lakers

Claire Rothman, who will now get new bookings for the Forum, where the Lakers play

Earvin Johnson, college star called Magic Buss expects to make the team a winning one

Red Auerbach, the basketball Pope who’s Boston Celtics won him 13 rings

Jerry West, Lakers’ head coach who’s haunted by his past failures to win, drinks too much, and

is also haunted by his memories of fighting mother and father, who wished him dead like his

brother

Jeanie Buss, Jerry’s daughter who works under Claire and is earning her respect

Connected Character Circle:

Magic’s father who took Magic with him trash collecting and tossed a basketball to him while

working

Magic’s mother Christine who wants Magic to finish his education, stick with Christian values,

and not get caught up in his new wealth and fame

Cookie, Magic’s Michigan girlfriend who knows he’ll fool around with other girls in LA

Brian, the young minister Cookie takes up with to make Magic jealous

Jessie Buss, Jerry’s mother, a drinker, who apparently hides some deals with her bookkeeping

Frank Mariani, who also works in the Forum office and thinks NBA is going bankrupt

Norman Nixon, point guard for the Lakers who’s not happy having Magic aboard

Kareem, who is the Lakers’ center, making commercials and depicted as not nice to fans

Two Black men, either Magic’s brothers or friends, who want Magic to invest in their schemes

One named Quincy

A LA medical student who has sex with Magic and suggests they should see each other in La

Environment Character Circle:

Cheryl, Kareen’s white wife

Karen, Jerry West’s wife

Business people Maria Sharman, David Stern, 6 other men, and 1 woman

Bar crowd

Lots of sexy women

Lots of men and women at picnic

Girl in tub commercial

Two girls and one guy who pitch ideas to Claire for renting the Forum

Clerks and customers in the shoe store where Cookie works

Church crowd

More bar people

Piano player

Four gals for dessert

Lots of basketball players and audiences

Lots of employees in the Forum office

All of the above were in Episode 2, which ended with a cliffhanger. Jerry West resigned as head coach.

Hypnotized by Hope (my series).

Main Characters Circle:

Lilly Brandon, 50ish straight-laced hypnosis office manager who struggles to keep the business respectable

Joshua Hope, 40ish superb hypnotist, star of a weekly Tulsa TV show, who’s concerned only

with helping people with problems, respectable or not.

Dr. Dan Dreiden, 40ish flashy, money-hungry psychiatrist who refers hopeless cases to Joshua

Vicki Hope, 20ish perky receptionist and Joshua’s cousin

Connected Circle:

Maudie Patterson, 30ish Joshua devotee who makes herself fat by padding her body so she

can come to Joshua’s weight control group.

Timothy Graves, 30ish recluse, who thinks he’s invisible, and is referred to Joshua by Dr. Dreiden.

Sally Singleton, 20ish beautiful, shapely simpleton, the latest of many girls hired by Joshua to help around the office, none of whom last very long

Bernadine Dione, 30ish singer-drummer, who has hypnotic breakthroughs to her past lives without help from Joshua, who doesn’t do past life regressions.

Quinten Quebeck, 30ish reporter determined to uncover a scandal in Joshua’s office

Environment Circle:

Female bank teller with a great scream.

Male bank guard

Assorted weight control and stop smoking clients

Night club customers at club where Bernadine perform

Genre: comedy

Concept: Lilly wanted national publicity for the book she’s ghosted for Hypnotist Joshua Hope, but not the kind scandal reporter Quentin Quebeck will write. While coping with a ditzy new-hire who’s driving her crazy, she must keep Quentin from discovering Hypnotist Joshua Hope’s unorthodox methods of dealing with a man who thinks he’s invisible, a make-believe fat woman, and a karma-obsessed drummer.

Subworld: hypnosis

I asked AI for connected circle and environment circle characters and received some ideas for future episodes. Some of the suggested environment circle characters might have a spot in the pilot.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 7, Lesson 4

Lenore Bechtel Elevated Interest!

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that previous assignments accomplished the same thing. I didn’t make any changes and here’s why.

Going through the scenes:

Opening scene when my three main characters get tickets: already has Libby changing radically, intrigue with a 12-year-old Allison traveling alone. I might increase the suspense by having the Ticket Agent making mistake after mistake while Female Ticket Agent finds the Paris flight they need.

First scene on plane has surprise when Allison fakes an anxiety attack at the prospect of being without her violin, has mislead with Freida’s excuse for leaving San Francisco, reveal that Allison is a child prodigy, intrigue with Libby hiding her reaction to Freida’s name, and suspense at wanting to hear Libby’s story of falling in love with a Russian soldier.

First flashback has uncomfortable moment that reveals Young Libby’s negative attitude about the Major and reveals the uncertainty involving the Easterners wanting to come to the West. Reveals Sonja’s communist indoctrination.

Second flashback has more interesting setting—the department store dressing room, has reveal that Young Libby wants to be a doctor, has surprise that Heinz is not at his post as expected, has uncomfortable moment as they deal with that fact, has suspense about whether they’ll make it through the crossing with smuggled clothes on their bodies.

Scene at Gohkle’s home has major twist when a Private interrupts with orders to take Libby and Stephanie back to the Major’s apartment and has surprise when Libby fights against it.

Back on the plane the scene has uncomfortable moment between Allison and Freida, has mystery about Freida’s protection of her pendant, and uncertainty about Freida in particular.

Scene when the Major meets Zhores before letting Young Libby go with him has uncertainty and uncomfortable moment as the Major questions Zhores, has surprise that Young Libby and Zhores mock the Major, reveal that Zhores’ father was a child prodigy, surprise that sputnik passes over, reveal of Zhores’ idealism.

Back on the plane the scene has many reveals needed to understand how the three are related. Reveals that Allison’s mother had her at a young age and she doesn’t know her father. Reveals that Stuart is both the Major’s name and Freida’s husbands name. Reveals that Allison’s grandparents were in Berlin when sputnik passed over and that they moved to America the year Allison was born.

Flashback Gasthaus scene—a more interesting setting—reveals Heinz’s Russian blood, his desire to find his mother, and his tendency to drink too much. Reveals Zhores’ grandmother wrote secret memoirs about Stalin’s purges. Sets up the seriousness of their friendships.

I feel I’m wasting my time trying to rationalize not trying to change scenes. But in Lesson 3, Elevated Emotions, I made additions or changes in at least 30 scenes, and now I’m not coming up with any new ideas. I like the scenes as they are, except for wordsmith still to come. However, I’m continuing through the rest of the script and thinking about Elevated Interest, just not taking notes.

Read the whole thing, cried at the end, and decided to leave it as is.

[Lenore]

BW TV ASSIGNMENT 1

Lenore Bechtel

My Example Show is “Winning Time.” The thing it has in common with the series I want to write is its main character. My main character is a lot like Jerry Buss in that he’s always confident that everything he does is right, and he convinces all naysayers who try to talk him out of his unorthodox methods for helping clients with problems.

Big Picture Hooks

Jerry Buss buys NBA’s losing LA Lakers in 2017, staking his entire fortune plus borrowed money, with the dream of turning them into a winning team.

College star Earvin Johnson wants live up to his nickname “Magic” and get rich as he helps turn the Lakers around, while keeping his parents and girlfriend happy with him.

Claire Rothman wants to work in an office where women aren’t treated like sex objects as they are when Cooke owns the Lakers.

Jeanie Buss, Jerry’s daughter, wants to succeed on her own, not because of her family’s money.

Jerry West, Lakers’ head coach, haunted by having been a star responsible for losing seven titles, objects to Buss bring Magic aboard and might not cooperate in the dream.

Amazing and Intriguing Characters

Most, if not all, of these characters speak asides directly to the audience, and I love that.

Jerry Buss, a cocky, but likable, wheeler and dealer, is like a swan who looks calm and beautiful but paddles up a storm underneath the water.

Jerry West drinks too much because he can’t get over being the star that failed. It’s hard to like him and his constant negativity, but if he’s as good a coach as he was player, Buss needs him to have a winning team.

Magic Johnson is a 19-year-old super athlete still finding himself. He wants to please his mother who wants him to graduate from college. He wants to please his dad, who’s worked hard picking up trash, sometimes double shifts, to give Magic and his brothers a chance at a better future. He wants to keep the girlfriend he’s been having sex with but lets her know he’ll find others when she walks away from him. Magic has learned to make people feel good.

Frank Marian is Buss’s right-hand guy who tries to talk him out of buying the Lakers. His role seems to be to try to keep Buss from bankrupting himself.

Cooke is the Laker’s unlikeable present owner who treats female employees badly. He buys the Chrysler building from Buss. He serves sand dabs at a lunch for Magic and his dad and bristles when Buss orders them the cheeseburgers they want. He makes headlines for getting stuck with a huge divorce settlement, cited for cruel and inhumane treatment.

Claire Rothman is a middle-aged woman who’s put up with outrageous sexual behavior by the men in Cooke’s office but tries to protect other female employees from it.

Don Sterling—the second worst Donald of the 80s— hosts a party where everyone wears white and girls advise Magic to drink champagne before the coke.

Norman Nixon—guard for the Lakers—resents the taller Magic coming aboard as a guard. In a one-on-one on Sterling’s basketball court, he entirely outshines Magic and tells him to go back to college.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar—the Lakers center—is shown acting in a commercial with a young boy, whom he refuses to pose for a picture the kid requests afterwards.

Jo Ann Buss: Jerry’s ex-wife and Jeanie’s mother who is the one with money, lots more of which Jerry needs to borrow for this venture. We learn that Jerry cheated on her, but they’re still friends. She finally agrees to the loan, maybe because of Jeanie now working for her dad.

Empathy/Distress

Jerry Buss: Buss’s constant smile and self-assured air, and his ability to outsmart greedy rich guys, make him so likable we want him to succeed. Even when he was depressed that Magic decided to go back to college, we felt confident Buss would find a way to change his mind.

Magic Johnson: We so badly want him to save the Lakers, become filthy rich, make his parents proud, avoid sex with the dozens who’ll offer it, and settle down with the girl he really loves.

Jerry West: We’re sorry he can’t let the past be the past, but we hope if the Lakers come around maybe he will too. His marriage is in trouble, and he even drinks on the job. When Buss tells him vodka smells less, we’re glad he’s showing sympathy to this pathetic man.

Frank Marian: We admire his loyalty, but wonder why? Maybe someday Buss will take his advice.

Cooke: We’d be happy if this bad man didn’t appear in any more episodes.

Claire Rothman: We admire her for the way she’s handled sexual innuendoes in Cooke’s office, and know she’s made the firm money by renting out the stadium. We hope she’ll be successful at getting more rentals to help the Lakers financially.

Don Sterling: We’d at least like to know how he got filthy rich and what made him the second worst Donald of the 80s.

Norman Nixon—We do want the Lakers to win, and this guy’s good with a basketball, so we hope he’ll get over his resentment of Magic.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar—His success has gone to his head and made him unlikable, but we hope his personality doesn’t hurt him on the court.

JoAnn Buss: We like her for helping Jerry finance this deal and think maybe, maybe, with daughter Jeanie working for him and if the Lakers actually win, maybe she’ll give Jerry a second chance.

Layers/ Open Loops

Will Buss’s leadership and Magic’s skill turn the Lakers into a winning team?

How will Norman and Kareem treat Magic?

Will Magic’s Michigan girl friend be there for her when he gets tired of sluts?

What’s going to happen to Claire Rothman? Might she fall in love with Buss?

Will Magic’s mother give up her resentment once he’s on an NBA team?

Inviting Obsession

The open loops are all reasons to watch the next episode.

[Lenore]

As a member of this group, I, Lenore Bechtel, agree to the following:

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lenore]

As a member of this group, I, Lenore Bechtel, agree to the following:

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lenore]

1. Lenore Bechtel

2. I’ve written four scripts, the most recent being with the Writing Incredible Movies class. Now I intend to rewrite the other three.

3. I have both a stage play and a novel than lend themselves well to being series. I hope to develop both with this class.

4. Maybe I’m unusual for having traveled in every state and on every continent except Antarctica, which I viewed from a cruise ship.

5, I’m just now in Module 7 of Writing Incredible Movies, so I’ll be finishing that up while I start this one.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 7, Lesson 2

Lenore Bechtel’s Dramatic Reveals

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that the viewer needs to be led to almost demand knowing certain things. However, the word “demand” didn’t seem appropriate for me while I was evaluating my script. So instead I’ve used “Hint” while checking my script to make sure I had enough.

I’d like the viewer to be wondering why Libby reacts to certain things about Freida, so they’re not surprised when Libby tells her she’s Stuart’s mother.

I also want them to pick up on the things Allison says that might connect her to Libby, so that when Allison deduces she’s Libby’s granddaughter, the viewer might have already thought of that possibility.

For this assignment, I evaluated my reveals and hints and decided if I added any more, the relationship of Libby, Freida, and Allison would be too obvious. So I have not made any changes.

Of course, the big suspense isn’t answered until the very end. Will Zhores keep his promise and arrive at their usual Schulenberg Park spot on the day the Wall comes down?

Reveal: In 1989 Libby is keeping a 1961 promise to meet Zhores when the Berlin Wall comes down.

Reveal : Freida is leaving her San Francisco husband because of earthquakes.

Hint: Freida is protective of her pendant.

Reveal. Allison has an appointment to audition for the Berlin Philharmonic.

Hint: Libby does a double-take at Freida’s name. Why?

Reveal: Libby thinks the Major is a bad father for having so little contact with her during her eighteen years. Libby will later realize she’s been like him—a bad mother.

Reveal: East Berliners coming to the West to stay have to sneak out and leave behind everything, but many are coming everyday to be processed at Mariensfelde where Marilyn, Libby’s stepmother, works. Foreshadows Helga’s family having to escape.

Hint: East Berlin children must become Young Pioneers and get programmed to love communism more than their family. Foreshadows difficulty getting Sonja to defect.

Hint: Freida is again protective of her pendant.

Hint: Zhores’ father was a musical prodigy, like Allison is.

Hint: Allison was born of a young unwed mother and doesn’t know who her father is.

Hint: Freida’s husband and Libby’s father have the same name—Stuart.

Hint: Freida is again protective of her pendant.

Hint: Allison’s grandparents were in Berlin when sputnik went over. Conclusion: they were there at the same time as Libby and Zhores.

Hint: Freida’s Stuart told her men have a hard time handling mother-desertion.

Hint: Why does Libby get defensive? Does she think she might be that mother?

Hint: Stuart’s mother didn’t attend his and Freida’s wedding. The way Libby’s acting—could she be that bad mother?

Reveal: The Major helps Helga’s family escape, then he helps Libby have one more meeting with Zhores, so he’s not such a bad guy.

Reveal: Libby ended up loving the Major who was later killed in Vietnam.

Reveal: Libby dated lots of men, but never received a marriage proposal.

Big Reveal: When Freida mentions her husband made a living playing a child’s game, Libby realized Freida has to be her daughter-in-law, and tells her.

Hint: Allison has an Aunt Sonja—the name of Helga’s young sister.

Reveal: When the earthquake hit, Freida was taking a picture of the pendant hanging from a chain around her neck. She hadn’t intended to steal it, just take a picture to show her aunt.

Reveal: Libby chose to go to an awards banquet instead of her son’s wedding, but then she didn’t win the award.

Reveal: Freida becomes a sexy provocateur to get them a cab to the airport.

Hint: Allison’s mother requested Lufhausa Airline to have Allison call her. That means her grandparents weren’t available to receive a call from the school, or her mother wouldn’t have been notified.

Hint: Allison was born in 1978, the year after Libby took Stuart to visit Helga and Heinz. Is that significant?

Hint: Helga and Heinz had a daughter named Olga, and Allison thinks that was her mother’s name, which was changed when her grandparents moved to America, and they all changed names.

Hint: Allison says Olga—only 14—and Stuart might have had more than batting contests, if they were in love.

Big Reveal: Allison speaks German which she uses fluently to get the crowd to clear a path for their car to get on a side street. Allison thinks Stuart impregnanted her mother when he and Libby visited her grandparents in 1977. She thinks Zhores is her grandfather, and she inherited her musical talent from his father. She tells this story perched on the hood of a car after a violin rendition that stops the crowd. Very dramatic!

Reveal: The truth of her conclusion is revealed when Allison asks her grandparents for the truth in Schulenberg Park, and Stuart is there to hear for the first time that he’s a father.

Reveal: Allison loves Libby and trusts her implicitly. She demonstrates this fact when she gives her her violin so she can jump straddle-legged on Stuart.

Reveal: Zhores keeps his promise and arrives at their special place in Schulenberg Park a moment before midnight on the day the Wall came down.

Their reunion is very dramatic and hopefully a tear jerker.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 7, Lesson 1

Lenore Bechtel loves character depth

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that even when I think all my characters are very well developed, I can probably always find another dimension to give them more depth.

I found that my protagonist Libby has been hiding a wound from her past. The viewer already knows that she asked her parents to adopt the baby she had at age 19 so she could go to college. They also know her ambition was to be a doctor.

What they did not know is that she chose to go into pediatrics to vicariously experience the motherhood she’d missed, and she’s had a very successful career.

The trigger for revealing this comes after she lets seat mate Freida know what she’s suspected from the start—that Freida is the daughter-in-law she’s never met. Freida and her son resented that Libby didn’t attend their wedding.

Now the reason comes out in a scene that makes Libby less perfect, but more sympathetic to the viewer. She’d been nominated for a prestigious award, and the awards banquet was the same day as the wedding. She regretted the choice she’d made because she didn’t win the award and ended up created a bigger divide between her and her son.

Her tearful confession bonds her closer to Freida and gives added strength to Freida’s later “take-over” transformation.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 7, Lesson 3

Lenore Bechtel Elevated Emotions!

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that going scene by scene and contemplating how each could be better is a wonderful way of improving a script. I honestly thought I’d already done my best. I know now I’ve found ways to make it much better.

Scenes I studied, and their possible changes. I made all but a couple changes which I decided against.

Libby insisting upon a flight tonight. Her emotional monologue is enough.

2, Libby, Freida, and Allison running through airport corridor: Make the baggage cart driver afraid he can’t get them there. Almost have a cart wreck.

3. Making introductions on the plane: Break up the scene by having the stewardess checking seat belts notice that Allison and Libby have violin covered by blanket but confined with their seat belts.

4. Flashback scene at Schulenburg Park. Have Helga reprimand Sonja two more times for singing a Young Pioneer song. Have Sonja take Stephanie behind a bush so she won’t be seen teaching her.

5. Back to the present: It’s only six speeches and will stay as it is.

6. Flashback, department store dressing room: Try to think of some clothing items that’d be emotional for either Herr or Frau Gohkle and mention them as they’re being tried on.

7. Crossing point: I let them get past the guard too easily. I will have Stephanie so intently watching Sonja’s marching so she can mimic her that she falls down. Being so roly-poly, she needs help getting up, and the guard helps Libby help her.

8. East Berlin Street: Only four speeches that can stay as they are.

9. The Gohkle home: Have Herr and Frau Gohkle both weep as they tell what they did during World War II.

10. Back to the present: I could have Freida get more upset at Allison’s comment that one should risk earthquakes for love, then when she returns from the John, she could be all apologies—back to her nervous self.

11. Flashback to Schulenburg Park: Libby is emotional about her father accompanying her to meet Zhores, and I don’t see a way to intensify that without making her father mean—out of character for him. Then the Major questions Zhores, and I might make it more intense by having him point in his face. They’ve already shaken hands, though, so they’re pretty close together so Zhores would be unable to react by taking a step closer.

Then Zhores and Libby get acquainted through dialogue, and I could have Zhores quieting down so no one else knows he’s Russian. I’m going to try this and see how it work. He IS risking a lot being in the West for a date.

This scene also has sputnik passing above so the seven pages of dialogue are interrupted.

12. Back to the present: Two and half pages of dialogue with important clues to both Freida’s and Allison’s connection to Libby. The only way I can think of to intensify emotions is with parenthetical that describe their deliveries. I hate to do this because the emotional lines seem obvious, but I’ll give it a try and see how it feels.

13. Flashback to gashaus: five pages of dialogue at a booth with the last page action standing up with kissing that becomes a slapstick orgy. Could add a bit of suspense by having them need to keep the waitress from hearing their conversation.

14. Back to the present: Two pages of dialogue. I could make Freida be more emotional about her mother-in-law missing her wedding.

15. Flashback to Schulenburg Park: This is the scene when Heinz has to start the wall, and I think it’s already emotional enough.

16. Outside the Major’s Apartment: A kiss goodnight is enough, but I’ll have Zhores look back afterwards with a look that shows he’s afraid he’ll never see her again.

17. Inside the Major’s Apartment: It begins with an emotional argument between the Major and Libby, progresses to fear about the Wall. I can have the Major get into a rage because the Americans knew the Wall was coming and did nothing about it.

18. Schulenburg Park Day: I can show Young Libby sitting on the ground digging a hole under the fence, glancing fearfully toward the VOPO on the bridge. Then she stands as she sees Helga approaching.

19. Schulenburg Park Night: Instead of mentioning once that the spotlights hits Young Libby and Zhores sporadically, I’ll show the spots in their dialogue when that happens, and how it affects what they say.

20. Montage: stays as is.

21. Schulenburg Park: The escape already has the spotlight, so I’ll put it in the before and after dialogue too.

22. Young Libby’s Bedroom: Already emotional with the Major comforting Young Libby.

23. Back to the present: Only three lines with all weeping, emotional enough.

24. Flashback Schulenburg park night: As the Major tells Young Libby how he’ll take her to see Zhores, sirens sound and they realize someone trying to escape is being chase.

25. Montage: stays as is.

26. Shrubbed area of park: Only one and a half pages of Zhores and Young Libby’s last meeting—already emotional enough, unless is insert some parenthetical.

27. Back to the present: Only six speeches. Okay.

28. Flashback Schulenburg Park: I can insert the spotlight in a couple places. And the Young Libby says “I’d like that… Dad,” she’ll hug the Major and a tear will run down his cheek.

29. Back to the present: Seven pages when Freida confesses, Libby acknowledges that she’s her neglectful mother-in-law, and tells why she missed the wedding. Already emotional, but I’ll wordsmith is to try to make it more so.

30. Montage: stays as is.

31. Charles De Gaulle Airport: Maybe put some description of the airport crowd they’re walking through.

32. Montage: stays as is

33. The Louvre: Allison plays violin and sings to Libby, who sobs. Already emotional enough.

34. Busy Parisian Street: Maybe insert more street noise as they wait for a taxi.

35. Charles De Gaulle airport: Because Freida takes over here, I might have Libby emotionally out of control when she finds their seats were given away. She already can’t keep up as they run to their next flight, but I might make this more dramatic. Maybe so worrisome that Allison comes back to help her while Freida holds their boarding passes at the check-in point.

36. Another airplane: Already a good conflict with the stewardess. After that three pages of dialogue, but they are—after all—sitting on an airplane on a very short flight.

37. Montage: stays as is.

38. In the Audi: short and ends with a laugh. Okay.

39. Montage: stays as is.

40. Berlin Street: So much action in this, but maybe it could be wordsmith better.

41. Montage; stays as is.

42. Inside the car: short and okay

43. Montage: stays as is.

44. Inside the car: short reaction to Stuart being there. It’s okay.

45. Outside Schulenberg Park: short and okay

46. Schulenburg Park: I can’t stop from crying as I read all the rest, and I don’t think I could make it a bit more emotional.

Reveal: In 1989 Libby is keeping a 1961 promise to meet Zhores when the Berlin Wall comes down.

Reveal : Freida is leaving her San Francisco husband because of earthquakes.

Hint: Freida is protective of her pendant.

Reveal. Allison has an appointment to audition for the Berlin Philharmonic.

Hint: Libby does a double-take at Freida’s name. Why?

Reveal: Libby thinks the Major is a bad father for having so little contact with her during her eighteen years. Libby will later realize she’s been like him—a bad mother.

Reveal: East Berliners coming to the West to stay have to sneak out and leave behind everything, but many are coming everyday to be processed at Mariensfelde where Marilyn, Libby’s stepmother, works. Foreshadows Helga’s family having to escape.

Hint: East Berlin children must become Young Pioneers and get programmed to love communism more than their family. Foreshadows difficulty getting Sonja to defect.

Hint: Freida is again protective of her pendant.

Hint: Zhores’ father was a musical prodigy, like Allison is.

Hint: Allison was born of a young unwed mother and doesn’t know who her father is.

Hint: Freida’s husband and Libby’s father have the same name—Stuart.

Hint: Freida is again protective of her pendant.

Hint: Allison’s grandparents were in Berlin when sputnik went over. Conclusion: they were there at the same time as Libby and Zhores.

Hint: Freida’s Stuart told her men have a hard time handling mother-desertion.

Hint: Why does Libby get defensive? Does she think she might be that mother?

Hint: Stuart’s mother didn’t attend his and Freida’s wedding. The way Libby’s acting—could she be that bad mother?

Reveal: The Major helps Helga’s family escape, then he helps Libby have one more meeting with Zhores, so he’s not such a bad guy.

Reveal: Libby ended up loving the Major who was later killed in Vietnam.

Reveal: Libby dated lots of men, but never received a marriage proposal.

Big Reveal: When Freida mentions her husband made a living playing a child’s game, Libby realized Freida has to be her daughter-in-law, and tells her.

Hint: Allison has an Aunt Sonja—the name of Helga’s young sister.

Reveal: When the earthquake hit, Freida was taking a picture of the pendant hanging from a chain around her neck. She hadn’t intended to steal it, just take a picture to show her aunt.

Reveal: Libby chose to go to an awards banquet instead of her son’s wedding, but then she didn’t win the award.

Reveal: Freida becomes a sexy provocateur to get them a cab to the airport.

Hint: Allison’s mother requested Lufhausa Airline to have Allison call her. That means her grandparents weren’t available to receive a call from the school, or her mother wouldn’t have been notified.

Hint: Allison was born in 1978, the year after Libby took Stuart to visit Helga and Heinz. Is that significant?

Hint: Helga and Heinz had a daughter named Olga, and Allison thinks that was her mother’s name, which was changed when her grandparents moved to America, and they all changed names.

Hint: Allison says Olga—only 14—and Stuart might have had more than batting contests, if they were in love.

Big Reveal: Allison speaks German which she uses fluently to get the crowd to clear a path for their car to get on a side street. Allison thinks Stuart impregnanted her mother when he and Libby visited her grandparents in 1977. She thinks Zhores is her grandfather, and she inherited her musical talent from his father. She tells this story perched on the hood of a car after a violin rendition that stops the crowd. Very dramatic!

Reveal: The truth of her conclusion is revealed when Allison asks her grandparents for the truth in Schulenberg Park, and Stuart is there to hear for the first time that he’s a father.

Reveal: Allison loves Libby and trusts her implicitly. She demonstrates this fact when she gives her her violin so she can jump straddle-legged on Stuart.

Reveal: Zhores keeps his promise and arrives at their special place in Schulenberg Park a moment before midnight on the day the Wall came down.

Their reunion is very dramatic and hopefully a tear jerker.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 6, Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel Script Exchange 1

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that feedback from a fellow writer is very valuable.

My first exchange was with Lloyd Shellenberger, and it was my privilege to give him suggestions about his “Letter from Baghdad,” which tells a story that needs to be told.

He gave me excellent suggestions for additions to my “Berlin Rendezvous,” and I am now in the process of putting them in my script. We’re also had a few telephone conversations, encouraging each other through this second of the four draft process.

When I finish the second draft, I hope to give and get feedback again.

[Lenore]

Sorry to take so long to answer this. I haven’t checked the Forum for several days, so I just found your request. Here’s my email address: lenorebechtel33@gmail.com. Let me read your high concept before saying I’ll exchange with you. Mine is: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved when the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwine with theirs.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 6, Lesson 4

Lenore Bechtel’s Solved Scene Problems

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how important it is to make changes to be sure every scene advances the story. I made a huge change in a scene I loved, knowing loving it wasn’t enough. Now it shows my protagonist making a definite step in her over-all journey, and I love it more.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved when the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwine with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Libby, Freida, Allison

Genre: Drama/Suspense

[Lenore]

WIM Module 6, Lesson 1

Lenore Bechtel : Apply Structure Solutions

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how important it is to have inciting incidents, turning points, and all the elements needed properly spaced throughout the screenplay.

Because I had placed all these things properly in my outline, I was fairly sure they’d be in the right place in my script. But I double checked, took the following notes, and ended up not changing anything.

Act I:

Conflict of needing to be in Berlin when the wall comes down to meet the Russian soldier she loved before the wall went up is stated on p. 2. With Libby’s monologue to ticket agent

Inciting incident in flashback on p. 11 when Libby’s resentment to the Major is obvious

Turning point in flashback on p. 20 when the private takes Libby out of the East

Act 2:

New plan starts in flashback on p. 21 when Libby decides to date a Russian to spite her father

Plan in action in both present and flashback from p. 21 to 42

Midpoint turning point in flashback on p. 42 when Heinz starts dividing Shellenberg Park with barbed wire.

Act 3:

React/Rethink: Libby starts viewing her father differently when he too shows concern about getting Helga’s family, Heinz, and Zhores out of the East, starting on page 45.

New Plan in flashback starts on page 50 when the Libby and the Major plan how to choreograph the escape.

Turning Point: In flashback the lowest of the low happens on page 52 when Zhores does not come to the West with the other escapees.

Turning Point: In the present on page 65 Libby lets Freida know that the husband she’s sorry she left is Libby’s son.

Act 4 is all in the present:

Turning Point for Freida: On page 71 she transforms from shy runaway wife to bold take-charge person.

Turning Point for Allison: On page 76 as Libby tells about visiting Helga with her son in 1978, Allison starts hoping the son might be her father, making Libby her grandmother.

Turning Point for Libby has been throughout the flight as she learns from Freida how neglectful she’s been to her son and comes to realize that family is more important than the career she built so successfully.

Climax/Ultimate Expression of the Conflict: On page 80 when a traffic jam of cars and pedestrians is preventing them from getting to the park in time, Allison performs and persuades pedestrians to open a path for them.

Resolution: A changed Freida is reunited with Stuart, a delighted Allison has her suspicions confirmed—that Stuart is her father. Libby—after neglecting her son and rejecting all possible suitors—is ready to dedicate her life to her family, whom she tearfully introduces to an astonished, very pleased Zhores who arrives at exactly midnight.

I attribute the proper spacing to my very detailed outline, which made the first draft very easy to write.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 6, Lesson 3

Lenore Bechtel is cliche busting

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that reading my first draft word for word a third time was valuable even if I didn’t find what I’d call a cliche.

With each scene, I asked, “Has any part of this scene been done before?” I could honesty answer, “No. Not to my knowledge.”

However, when I asked, “Is this scene as strong as it could be?” I found quite a few that needed more action, plus a few that required a dialogue cut.

I’m eager to find out what Lesson 4 will be because at this point, I don’t see how I can make my present draft any better. But I’m betting Hal has a way. We’ll see!

[Lenore]

WIM Module 6, Lesson 2

Lenore Bechtel’s Solved Character Problems

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is doing the Actor Attractor lesson 2 in Module 3 paid off. The only character problems I found were weak dialogue, which I knew was happening in my speedy first draft. So I concentrated with this assignment on dialogue specific to each of my three main characters. Plus I found a few action spots that needed expansion.

I’ve had to adapt assignments because the only antagonist in this screenplay is time.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved when the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwine with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Libby, Freida, Allison

Genre: Drama/Suspense

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 14

Lenore Bechtel Has Finished Act 4

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I truly believe Sheryl Sandberg’s quote given in this lesson, “Done is better than perfect.”

I’m certain the next Module will help us all work toward the perfection we’d all like to see.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 13

Lenore Bechtel Continues Act 4

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I’m eager to start Module 6 to receive some great tips for writing draft two.

Loved the quote that started this assignment: “There are two fatal errors that keep great projects from coming to life: 1) Not finishing 2) Not starting”

― Buddha Gautama

How true!

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 12

Lenore Bechtel Start Act 4

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I can write faster than I can cut something I’ve already written.

Because I’ve already written first drafts for two screenplays for this class, I decided to spend today’s writing time cutting a previously written 117 page screenplay down to 90 pages. Four hours later, I’m shocked to discover what I thought was some serious cutting obviously was not. I still have 113 pages and very little to show for today’s efforts.

So now I’m wondering about the relative marketability of a 113 page script as opposed to a 90 page script. I hope we find that out in this class.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 11

Lenore Bechtel Finishing Act 3

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that “It’ll come to me,” the lesson in Mastery session 18, is absolutely right.

Yesterday I knew I needed at least another 10 pages for my first draft of Dire Expectations, but I’d already written every scene in my outline, and felt adding to them would be padding.

I needed a new scene, but what? Today soon after I sat down at the computer, it came to me. Not only did a new scene present itself, it was a scene that was truly needed. Why hadn’t I thought of it before? Without it, an important character would not have been fully developed. Yay!

I now have an 82 page first draft that might or might not expand as I follow Hal’s instructions for Drafts 2, 3, and 4. I also have three montages that could be expanded to scenes if need be.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 10

Lenore Bechtel Continuing Act 3

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I am unable to speed write while having to come up with extra details not in my outline.

I managed to add one flashback, getting Dire Expectations up to 72 pages. Before I continue, I need to do lots of thinking, so that when I start, I can speed write again.

I have certainly learned how important a detailed outline truly is. I zoomed through my first draft of my Writing Incredible Movies outline of Berlin Rendezvous? Also zoomed through my first draft of the outline I made in the Thriller class for Dire Expectations. But it was inadequate and now I’m in brainstorming mode.

I am looking upon this problem as an opportunity to make the screenplay better. Thinking positively usually works for me. We’ll see!

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 9

Lenore Bechtel Began Act 3

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is following an assignment to write 6 – 10 pages a day in two days is easy. I am up to page 69 of Dire Expectations, but alas! I followed by thriller outline exactly, and that 69 pages is my complete first draft. Not long enough!

As I was writing, I thought several spots deserved flashbacks, so next time I sit down to write, they’re going to get them.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 8

Lenore Bechtel Completed Act Two

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I’m never sure when I’ve written enough to equal the actual assignment. I completed the entire first draft of Berlin Rendezvous? Several lessons ago, and am now on my own following my thriller outline for Dire Expectations.

I’m now on page 52, so I think I’ve completed enough to call it Act Two. My thriller outline is not divided by acts.

Anyway, yesterday I wrote 12 pages in 3 hours, 7 minutes. Today I wrote 4 pages in 1 hour, 8 minutes this morning. This afternoon I wrote 15 pages in 3 hours, 4 minutes.

This output is definitely speed writing for me, but I know I have lots of cleaning up to do.

My goal of finishing a first draft of a second screenplay while doing Module 5 seems possible. Very gratifying!

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 7

Lenore Bechtel continuing Act Two

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that writing from a very complete outline like I had for Berlin Rendezvous? Is faster than writing from one less complete.

But at least my outline for Dire Expectations has the headings and ideas for every scene. The assignment for today was to write 6 – 10 pages, and I wrote 13 pages in 4 hours and 9 minutes.

My goal now is to have two complete first drafts by the time I’ve finished Module 5. I’m enjoying fast writing and get irritated at myself when I have to stop to think because of not having enough pre-planned in my outline.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 6

Lenore Bechtel Began Act Two

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I can speed write five and a half pages in 45 minutes.

I have already finished my first draft of Berlin Rendezvous? So I started on Dire Expectations, using an outline I developed in the thriller class.

I wrote much faster on the Berlin script because my outline was much more detailed. I feel good about having a first draft of the first four scenes of Dire Expectations.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel’s Finished Act one

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that when I get my groove going, I don’t want to stop.

And I didn’t! My first draft is finished, thanks to high speed writing and my detailed outline. That puts me several days ahead of the assignments, so I’m wavering about whether to spend the next assignment times rewriting an old script or starting a new one I already have outlined.

Whichever I choose, the purpose will be to incorporate what I’ve learned in this Writing Incredible Movies into every screenplay I write from now on.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 4

Lenore Bechtel’s Next Act 1 Scenes

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I truly enjoy writing at high speed, knowing I’ll be coming back later to improve everything I can.

Today I completed Act Three and started Act Four. It’s getting harder to follow my outline because I think of things I’d like to include. So far, I’ve restrained myself, and even so, I think I’ll probably end up with too many pages.

I feel I should change this assignment’s title from Lenore Bechtel’s New Act 1 Scenes, to Lenore Bechtel’s completion of Act 3 and start of Act 4. Anyway, that’s what I accomplished today, and stopped with a scene heading for working tomorrow.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 3

Lenore Bechtel’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that speed writing has put me way ahead of what’s expected for this assignment.

I reported that I finished Act One—the assignment for this lesson 3—in lesson 2. Now I am finished with Act Two, plus the first heading for Act Three. I like to end a day’s writing with something left undone, so I know exactly where to start the next day.

The assignment to write 3-5 pages a day seems amusing to me. I consider that many pages just a warmup. My first act was 22 pages. Yesterday I wrote 14 pages, getting to page 37. I finished today on page 53, and am thinking I’m probably going to end up having to cut a lot.

Tomorrow I have the full day to write, and I expect to finish Act Three. I’m so glad I like following the speed writing rules. I expected it to be harder for this customary “search-for-the-best-word” person, but I do look forward to the rewrite when I’ll welcome doing just that.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 2

Lenore Bechtel’s High Speed Writing Rules

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I now have the ability concentrate on writing quickly and leaving dialogue I’d like to rewrite. Thank goodness, I got my Final Draft software working correctly before I continued with my first draft. Today I finished the first act, working in 4 hours and 5 minutes, working in segments of 1 hr. 15 min., 1 hr. 1 min., and 49 minutes. I could have worked longer, but felt the end of the first act was a good place to stop.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 5, Lesson 1

Lenore Bechtel’s take on writing Scene 1 First Draft

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have never been a fast first draft writer and that I need to learn that skill. It’s going to be difficult for me to leave a misspelled word or a number I know isn’t right. I wrote a 3-page Scene 1 in one hour and twenty minutes. I already have the urge to go back and change some things, but I followed my outline exactly, so I will wait until second draft to make the needed changes. This scene wouldn’t have taken me this long except my Final Draft software was double spacing after a parenthetical and was not going automatically to dialogue after a name. So I’ll try to get the kinks out of the software before writing any more scenes.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

[Lenore]

Marguerite, I’d be happy to exchange feedback with you. Shall we email each other a pdf copy or simply use what we each posted for Module 4, Lesson 10? My email is lenorebechtel33@gmail.com for you to let me know. Lenore

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Fascinating Scene Outlines

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that each scene needs a beginning, middle, and end and must accomplish something advance the screenplay’s concept.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwine with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Libby, Freida, Allison

Genre: Drama/Suspense

ACT ONE

1. INT. AIRPORT TICKET COUNTER — NIGHT — 1989

Arc: Libby (48), Allison (12), and Freida (25) get tickets to fly to Berlin.

Interest technique: Character changes radically:

Beginning: Libby’s flight from Honolulu arriving too late for her Chicago to Berlin connection, she politely asks the ticket agent to rebook her.

Middle: Finding no more flights this night to Berlin, Libby business-like aura disappears as she fervidly insists she must be in Berlin the next day, giving highly personal reasons why being there the day the Wall comes down is vital.

* End: Emotionally exhausted, she gets a boarding pass for a flight already boarding, and so do Allison and Freida.

Essence: Libby promised to meet her Russian soldier lover on the day the Wall came down.

Conflict: Obstinate ticket agent who find flight to Paris with a layover, only after Libby’s outburst.

Subtext: Allison and Freida—surprised The Wall is coming down—must have other reasons for their trips.

Hope/fear: We hope Libby gets there to keep her promise.

2. INT. AIRPORT CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Interest technique: Suspense

Arc: The three barely make it to their flight.

Beginning: Libby stops a cart driver and gives him a $5 bill to turn around.

Middle: Freida jumps on the cart with her, and Allison runs behind.

* Ending: The plane’s ticket taker, who is closing the tunnel’s door, sees them arrive and returns to his post to take their boarding passes.

Essence: The flight to Paris may be the last European flight this night.

Conflict: Will they get to the gate on time?

Subtext: While running, Freida holds her hand over her pendant.

Hope/fear: We hope they get on the plane.

3. INT. AIRPLANE – LATER

Arc: After introductions, Allison asks Libby how she met and fell in love with a Russian soldier.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: After much prodding, Allison tells she sent a cassette tape of her violin playing to Claudio Abbado, director of the Berlin Philharmonic, who gave her an audition appointment.

Middle: A very nervous Freida says hated to leave her husband, but after surviving the recent Loma Prieta earthquake, she can no longer live in San Francisco and she’s returning to her home and mother in Berlin.

* End: They exchange seats to put Libby in the middle to tell how she met a Russian soldier, and Allison on the aisle where she can let her violin stick out. Freida is very protective of her pendant during this exchange.

Essence: Both Freida and Allison would rather hear about Libby than talk about themselves.

Conflict: Becoming comfortable with Allison holding her violin case.

Subtext: Freida is hiding her true reason for returning to Germany.

Hope/fear: We’re eager to hear Libby’s story.

4. EXT. BERLIN’S SHELLENBERG PARK — DAY — 1961

Arc: The Major and Marilyn leave Young Libby babysitting 10-year-odl Stephanie.

Interest technique: Betrayal

Beginning: While the Major tosses a ball back and forth with Stephanie, Marilyn tells Young Libby how happy he is to have her visit. He was unable to do so before he and Marilyn married. Young Libby has received postcards from him, but seen him only four times in her eighteen years.

Middle: They talk about the trip they’ll take around Germany while Young Libby is with them.

* End: The Major and Marilyn leave for their jobs, leaving Young Libby in charge of Stephanie.

Essence: Young Libby resents her birth father, the Major.

Conflict: She hides her fear of being alone in a strange country.

Subtext: She’s actually terrified to be on her own in a foreign city.

Hope/fear: We hope she’ll give the Major a second chance.

5. LATER

Arc: Helga talks Young Libby into going with her and Sonja to buy clothes to sneak back to East Germany.

Interest technique: Uncertainty

Beginning: Young Libby is watching people cross a bridge off in the distance when Helga approaches and explains that bridge is a crossing point no one dares bring possessions through.

Middle: As Sonja and Stephanie teeter-totter, Helga tells how her life is better than most East Berliners because her boyfriend Heinz is a VOPO guard who waves her through the crossing point.

* End: Young Libby and Stephanie follow Helga and Stephanie, who will buy clothes to layer on all their bodies to sneak back into the East.

Essence: East Germans are basically imprisoned.

Conflict: Helga scolds Sonja for marching and singing a Young Pioneer song.

Subtext: What’s this Young Pioneer business all about?

Hope/fear: We hope Libby won’t regret this escapade.

6. INT. AIRPLANE — LATER 1989

Arc: Allison admires and Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness.

Interest technique: Uncertainty

Beginning: After Allison confirms that Young Libby is going to help smuggle clothes to the East, she tells Libby she want to be just like her.

Middle: Freida wishes she had been so bold in San Francisco.

* Both want Libby to get on with her story.

Essence: The listeners are identifying in their own way with Young Libby.

Conflict: Allison refuses to allow her violin to be stored in compartment above.

Subtext: Was the recent earthquake Freida’s only reason for leaving the USA?

Hope/fear: We fear what might happen to Young Libby as she helps Helga.

7. INT. DEPARTMENT STORE DRESSING ROOM – DAY – 1961

Arc: Young Libby and Helga laugh and layer clothes on the four of them.

Interest technique: More interesting setting

Beginning: Surrounded by shopping bags, they remove items from the bags, put them on their bodies, and talk about where and by whom they’ll be worn.

Middle: Helga, who wants to get married, thinks Young Libby is odd for wanting a career as a doctor, not a marriage with a man.

End: Sonja needs a new dress for her confirmation, but will have to wear her Young Pioneer uniform to school. All four are roly-poly when this scene ends.

Essence: East Berliners have many restrictive rules.

Conflict: Will they be able to keep from laughing at the crossing point?

Subtext: No wonder East Berliners come over to the West and never return.

Hope/fear: We hope they’ll make it safely to the East.

8. EXT. CROSSING POINT — LATER

Arc: Heinz is not the guard, but they get waved through when Helga tells Sonja and Stephanie to march and sing a Young Pioneer song.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Helga sees that the crossing guard is not Heinz, but he has seen them, so they dare not turn back.

Middle: Helga tells Sonja to sing a Young Pioneer song, and Libby tells Stephanie to march with her.

* End: The guard nods approvingly at the indoctrinated girls and waves the four of them through.

Essence: Helga has Sonja do something that she, Helga, hates.

Conflict: They would have been arrested if the guard had inspected them.

Subtext: Why isn’t Heinz at the crossing as he was supposed to be?

Hope/fear: We’re relieved they made it through, but fear danger lies ahead.

9. EXT. EAST BERLIN STREETS – CONTINUOUS

Arc: They walk through the streets to Helga’s home.

Interest technique: More interesting setting

* Beginning: Helga points out how only the main street in the East is respectable. The hidden back streets they walk through are slums.

Middle: Helga says Heinz’s friend Zhores is a Russian solider who hates communism and breaks rules to go to the West.

End: She’d like to fix Young Libby up with Zhores for a double date with her and Heinz, but Young Libby gives her an emphatic ‘no,’

Essence: East Germany is dismal compared to the West.

Conflict: Young Libby is definitely not interested in dating a Russian.

Subtext: Young Libby might be hesitant to trust Helga again.

Hope/fear: We hope she and Stephanie get out of the East without problems.

10. INT. THE GOHKLE HOME — CONTINUOUS. TURNING POINT 1

Arc: A solider interrupts Herr and Frau Gohkle’s hospitality to take Young Libby and Stephanie back to the West.

Betrayal:

Beginning: Herr and Frau Gohkle welcome Young Libby and Stephanie into their home and invite them to Sonja’s confirmation party.

Middle: Frau Gohkle tells about Herr Gohkle being in a Soviet Union labor camp, and he tells about Frau Gohkle being one of the rubble women.

* End: Young Libby struggles as a soldier who’s been following her via the major’s orders drags her and Stephanie from the Gohkle’s house.

Essence: Furious at being followed, she tells Helga she’ll date that Russian.

Conflict: Young Libby struggles against the soldier.

Subtext: Somehow she’ll find a way to show the Major her independence.

Hope/fear: We fear relations between Young Libby and the Major will get worse.

11. INT. AIRPLANE – LATER – 1989

Allison and Freida express different reactions to Young Libby’s escapade in East Germany.

Interest technique: Mislead/Reveal

Beginning: Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk and wishes she had it; Freida says it’s beyond her comprehension.

Middle: Allison, standing in the aisle to let Freida out, accidentally touches her violin to Freida’s pendant, which she grabs with an anxious air.

End: Allison laments having to wait for Freida to find out how the Major reacted to Young Libby’s date.

Essence: Allison is trying to downplay her independence,

Conflict: The stewardess asked again for Allison to store her violin. She doesn’t.

Subtext: Allison is independent, but actually wishes she didn’t have to be. Freida seems much too concerned about her pendant.

Hope/fear: We hope the Major will let Young Libby go on her blind date.

ACT TWO:

12. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK — EARLY EVENING — 1961

Arc: The Major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.

Interest technique: Major twist

Beginning: Young Libby and the Major argue as he, Marilyn, and Stephanie accompany her to her first date with Zhores.

Middle: The Major rough and tough interrogation of Zhores ends with him giving Zhores orders, one being, “You will not allow her to fall in love with you.”

* End: Once the Major, Marilyn, and Stephanie exit, Young Libby and Zhores explode with laughter, mimicking the Major’s orders.

Essence: Zhores risks being exiled for crossing into the West in civilian clothes.

Conflict: Zhores’ father died at Vyasma—the worst slaughter of World War II.

Subtext: Zhores loves his motherland, but takes risks to learn how others live.

Hope/fear: We hope this Russian soldier doesn’t get in trouble.

13. MOMENTS LATER

Arc: Young Libby, Zhores, Helga and Heinz discuss politics and look up in awe as Sputnik passes overhead.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: Young Libby tells how the Major and her mother divorced right after World War II and that she loves her step-father and doesn’t even know her birth father.

Middle: Zhores tells how his 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, had one night of passion with his mother before leaving with the militia and his early death.

* End: Bells ring, sirens screech, and horns blow as Sputnik passes overhead.

Essence: Zhores never knew his father and owes his life to one night of passion.

Conflict: Are Krushchev and Kennedy fighting for dominance in space?

Subtext: Zhores wishes that the world scientists and engineers would work together instead of competing in space.

Hope/fear: We fear Zhores’ idealism is only wishful thinking.

14. INT. AIRPLANE — CONTINUOUS – 1989

Arc: Allison and Freida have different reactions to Zhores’ birth story.

Interest technique: Mystery

Beginning: When Allison wishes she was conceived with such passion, Freida bemoans missing the passion she had with Stuart.

Middle: Stifling her surprise that Freida’s husband’s name is Stuart, Libby chides her for leaving a husband she loves.

* End: Freida nervously asks to get back to Young Libby’s story.

Essence: We don’t know all we need to know about both Allison and. Freida.

Conflict: Libby criticizes Freida for leaving her husband.

Subtext: Libby reacts to the name Stuart but only she knows it’s the name of her son, who is married to a Freida she’s never met.

Hope/fear: We hope we’ll soon know more about both Freida and Allison.

15. INT. GASTHAUS – ANOTHER NIGHT – 1961

Arc: On another double date, the topic turns to problems and politics.

Interest technique: Internal Dilemma

Beginning: Heinz laments being left as a newborn outside an orphanage.

Middle: Zhores’ tells about his grandmother, a refusenik who secretly documents communist’s crimes against humanity.

* End: The four vow to demonstrate that different nationalities can get along.

Essence: The world needs more people like themselves to bring about world peace.

Conflict: Heinz drinks much too much, to Helga’s chagrin.

Subtext: Considering how attracted Young Libby and Zhores are to each other, joking about them getting married is no joke.

Hope/fear: We fear that one American, one Russian, and two Germans can do little to bring about world peace.

16. INT. AIRPLANE – CONTINUOUS – 1989

Arc: Freida compares Heinz’s obsession with finding his mother to Stuart’s sense of being betrayed by his birth mother.

Interest technique: Uncomfortable moment

Beginning: They discuss why Heinz is so obsessed with the drawer he was left in and his mother’s pitiful note.

Middle: Freida compares his obsession to her Stuart’s sense of being betrayed by his mother.

End: Libby presses Freida for details to Stuart’s sense of betrayal but seems unsatisfied with Freida’s replies.

Essence: Having a close family is one of life’s greatest treasure.

Conflict: Libby is confrontational in prodding Freida about what Stuart’s mother did to make him feel betrayed.

Subtext: We might be getting the idea by now that Libby is almost certain she’s the mother Stuart resents.

Hope/fear: We hope Libby comes to terms with whatever is bothering her right now.

17. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – ANOTHER NIGHT – 1961 TURNING POINT 2

Arc: Heinz interrupts Young Libby’s and Zhores’ date by putting up orange posts and barbed wire to divide the park.

Interest technique: Major twist:

Beginning: Young Libby and Zhores kiss while lying on a pallet under a tree.

Middle: A drunken Heinz and another VOPO put up orange posts and barbed wire, dividing the park by East and West.

* End: Zhores has angry words and scuffles with Heinz before he and Young Libby walk sadly toward the crossing bridge.

Essence: Russians fenced in East Germans to keep them from the West.

Conflict: Zhores and Heinz scuffle.

Subtext: How will this barrier affect the crossing point?

Hope/fear: We fear this barrier will keep Young Libby and Zhores apart.

18. INT. INSIDE THE MAJOR’S APARTMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT

Arc: Young Libby, after venting anger that the Major spied on her kissing Zhores, tells him about the orange posts.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: While Young Libby berates him for spying on her, the Major claims that as her father, he had every right.

Middle: She tells him about the orange posts and barbed wire, and he tells her the Americans knew a wall was in the works.

* End: Libby tries unsuccessfully to call Helga, and the major offers to help get her and her family out of the East.

Essence: American military knew Russians were planning to build a Wall.

Conflict: Libby can’t call Helga because the phone lines to Copenhagen ( the only way to talk to the East) are tied-up.

Subtext: The Major is proving he’s worthy of Libby’s love.

Hope/fear: We hope Helga and family get out safely.

19. MONTAGE: VOPOS PUTTING UP MORE WALL SECTIONS OF BRICKS, CONCRETE BLOCKS, LOGS, AND BARBED WIRE

20. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – DAY – A FEW DAYS LATER

Arc: Young Libby passes fake West German ID cards, supplied by the Major, to Helga through a hole dug under the barbed wire.

Interest technique: Internal Dilemma

Beginning: Young Libby tells Helga that West Germans are still allowed to go back and froth freely, and the Major has had Western ID cards made for her family.

Middle: Helga fears her parents will never leave their home and possessions they’ve worked a lifetime to accumulate.

* End: She takes the ID cards and gives her a message from Zhores: He will meet her here tomorrow night at twenty-one hundred.

Essence: West Germans are still allowed to go back and forth freely.

Conflict: VOPOs keep a sharp eye on people talking through the barbed wire.

Subtext: The Major has given Young Libby reason to change her attitude toward him.

Hope/fear: We hope the IDs work to get the Gohkles out.

21. EZT. SHELLENBERG PARK – NIGHT

Arc: The Major accompanies Young Libby and stands by while she talks through the fence to Zhores as a spotlight hits them sporadically.

Interest technique: Uncertainty

Beginning: Zhores fears Young Libby will hate him for what the Russians have done.

Middle: She tries to give him a Western ID card, but he explains that VOPOS caught so many Easterners with fake IDs, that Westerners were no longer allowed to pass back and forth.

* End: They make an alternate plan to get the Gohkles out.

Essence: Their plot is risky for both Zhores and Young Libby.

Conflict: The VOPOs spotlight constantly distracts them from their plotting.

Subtext: Young Libby, glancing back and seeing the Major watch her, is glad for his protectiveness.

Hope/fear: We hope their plan works.

22. THE NEXT NIGHT

Arc: Heinz, Helga, Sonja, and Herr and Frau Gohkle make it to the West.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Heinz’s and Helga’s sexy moves on a blanket near the fence causes the VOPO guard with each rotation to leave the spotlight on them for longer than the usual flash. Zhores uses every unlit moment to cut an opening in the barbed wire.

Middle: Zhores motions for Herr and Frau Gohkle, waiting on a nearby bench with a gagged Sonja, to go through the opening. When Sonja kicks and wiggles, Zhores takes off his shirt, ties her up, and passes her through to Young Libby. The rest make it through and run to where Marilyn and the Major await them.

* End: Young Libby’s jubilation is marred when Zhores doesn’t follow them. She watches from the fence as his shirtless body dashes east, skillfully avoiding the rotating spotlight.

Essence: Freedom is worth more than possessions and worth taking risks to keep it.

Conflict: The VOPO with his spotlight, and Sonja with her communist indoctrination.

Subtext: Young Libby loves the Major and Marilyn for helping.

Hope/fear: We still hope Zhores will come to the West.

ACT THREE:

23. INT. YOUNG LIBBY’S BEDROOM – LATER THAT NIGHT

Arc: The Major tries to convince Young Libby, who weeps inconsolably, that Zhores will not defect.

Interest technique: More interesting setting

Beginning: The Major praises her and Zhores for planning and executing the Gohkle’s escape.

Middle: He said Zhores has a chance to come over with them, but didn’t, so she should stop hoping that he will.

End: Young Libby tells him she knows she’ll never love another the way she loves Zhores.

Essence: The Major truly loves his daughter.

Conflict: He can’t give her what she needs.

Subtext: In all the years since the Wall went up, Libby has never loved another like she loved Zhores.

Hope/fear: We hope Zhores will change his mind and come over.

24. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – NIGHT

Zhores and Young Libby stand on boxes and stare sadly at each other across the barbed wire fence which is now much taller. The Major, carrying a satchel, hurries to her and helps her step off the box.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: He tells her VOPOs aren’t allowed to check allied military vehicles, and he will drive her through to talk to Zhores, who might get in his trunk for the return trip to the West.

Middle: He pulls a megaphone from his satchel, and she uses is to tell Zhores, “Favorite spot! Now!”

End: The Major will do this on his terms: he will talk to Zhores before she does.

25. MONTAGE – DRIVING TO THE EAST – CONTINUOUS

At the crossing, a VOPO looks into the car, sees Young Libby, and shrugs.

They drive through a few desolate streets, then circle back to the park.

Seeing Zhores, the Major parks the car, stops, gets out, and walks to Zhores.

Young Libby watches from the car as they talk.

The Major motions to her to come, and she hugs him as he returns to the car and she goes to Zhores.

26. EXT. SHRUBBED AREA OF SHELLENBERG PARK – CONTINUOUS

Arc: Young Libby fails to persuade Zhores to defect, but behind the shrubs she is happy to lose her virginity in memorable moments of passion.

Interest technique: Cliffhanger

Beginning: Zhores already knows he could get in the trunk, and he’d love to live in freedom with her, but the communists would make his family suffer, and he cannot let that happen.

Middle: They make love.

End: Zhores gives the Major a huge envelope—his grandmother’s memoirs about Stalin’s purges and Khrushchev’s crimes in Ukraine.

Essence: Their love, with the Major’s help getting the memoirs published, might bring about positive world change.

Conflict: Communism keeps them apart.

Subtext: Family is more important than freedom.

27. INT. AIRPLANE – NIGHT – 1989 – CONTINUOUS

Arc: Freida weeps, Libby consoles her, but then they clash.

Interest technique: Mislead/Reveal

Beginning: Freida weeps, comparing Young Libby’s being tragically separated from the love of her life, while she foolishly left the love of hers who took good care of her even if he did make a living playing a child’s game.

Middle: Libby, whose son Stuart is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants, now know for sure that Freida is her daughter-in-law who left her son with only a note and a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage. What’s more, during the earthquake, she looted the pendant she’s protected so carefully and left the USA rather than go to jail.

End: Libby, the neglectful mother-in-law, and Freida, who ran away from her son, clash, but the clash ends with Libby and Allison convincing Freida she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and avoid jail time.

Essence: Life’s highest priority is being with the ones you love.

Subtext: Might the roll of film be significant?

Hope/fear: We hope Stuart will forgive Freida for running away.

28. MONTAGE: AIRPLANE FLYING OVER CITY SCENES SHOWING THE EIFFEL TOWARD AND THE PLACE DE LA CONCORDE.

29. INT. CHARLES DE GAULLE Airport – DAY

Arc: Allison tricks Libby and Freida into accompanying her to the Louvre.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: Disembarking from the plane, Allison says she’ll meet them later on their connecting flight.

Middle: Freida and Libby argue with Allison, who insists she can go to the Louvre alone.

* End: They reluctantly decide the layover is long enough to go with Allison.

Essence: The three are now friends, not seat mate strangers,

Conflict: the limited time of a 5-hour layover vs. seeing a world famous museum of art

Subtext: The Louvre is why Allison was so delighted to be flying to Paris before Berlin.

Hope/fear: We fear this decision might turn out to be a bad one.

30. MONTAGE – TAXI DRIVING FROM THE AIRPORT TO THE LOUVRE – DAY

With her nose against the taxi window, Allison enjoys the drive.

Arriving at the Louvre, she gives the driver her credit card.

She runs into the Louvre ahead of Libby and Freida.

31. INT. THE LOUVRE – DAY

Arc: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” in front of Da Vinci’s masterpiece. Afterwards, Freida drags them from the audience’s enthusiastic accolades.

Interest technique: More interesting setting

Essence: Allison’s fulfilling a dream puts Libby in touch with her emotional self.

Conflict: No time for an encore.

Subtext: Allison played directly to Libby for some reason we don’t yet know.

Hope/fear: We fear they might miss their connection to Berlin.

32. EXT. CURB ON BUSY PARISIAN STREET – DAY

Arc: Freida’s uses her hitherto hidden sex appeal to lure a driver to stop and drive them to the airport. TURNING POINT 3

Interest technique: Character changes radically

Essence: Freida’s nervous shy being is now a spirited, take-charge extrovert.

Conflict: Busy Parisian traffic delays them.

Subtext: Libby’s midnight deadline is now shared by the others.

Hope/fear: We’re so afraid they won’t make their connecting flight.

33. MONTAGE – THE THREE RUN FROM THE TAXI, THROUGH THE AIRPORT, TO THE COUNTER AT THEIR GATE, ARRIVING 15 MINUTES BEFORE TAKE-OFF.

34. INT. AIRPORT TICKET COUNTER – DAY

Arc: Missing their flight, Freida gets them boarding passes for a plane boarding at this very moment for Hamburg.

Interest technique: Cliffhanger

Beginning: The ticket agent tells that when they weren’t there for boarding, he released their tickets, but couldn’t get their check-through baggage off, so they should hang onto their claim checks.

Middle: Freida looks at the departure list and gets them boarding passes to a Hamburg flight in the process of boarding.

* End: Libby can’t keep up with Allison’s and Freida’s running to the gate and slows her pace when she’s close enough to see Allison waving her boarding pass at the check-in point.

Essence: No other chance of getting to Germany in time to drive to Berlin before midnight.

Conflict: Their tickets released and Libby’s slowness in mid-high heels.

Hope/fear: We hope whatever Freida has planned will work.

ACT FOUR

35. INT. ANOTHER AIRPLANE – LATER

Arc: Allison seems elated as Libby tells about the 1978 trip she and Stuart took to visit Helga, Heinz and Olga.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Libby tells that Heinz’s mother finally found him and wanted him to move his family to the USA. She lost track of them, wonders if they moved, and if they’ll remember their vow to meet when the Wall comes down.

Middle: She tells how she wishes she’d taken Stuart on more trips. He had so much fun seeing the sights with Olga and having batting contests with her.

End: Allison says that was a year before she was born, and she was glad her grandparents moved to the USA just in time for her to be an American citizen.

Essence: Allison’s prodigy brain has been hard at work.

Conflict: Libby regrets losing contact with Helga after that trip.

Subtext: Libby wants Freida to know she did a few things right as a mother.

Hope/fear: We hope we’ll find out why Allison is so elated.

36. INT. HAMBURG CAR RENTAL KIOSK – NIGHT

Arc: They rent a car, get a map, and drive off in an Audi.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Libby watches a television report of the Wall coming down while Freida rents a car and Allison studies a map.

Middle: They run, find the proper Audi, and hop in.

* End: With Libby riding shotgun, Freida at the wheel, and Allison leaning her head between them from the backseat, Freida puts the pedal to the metal.

Essence: They’re headed toward a huge celebration that’s already started.

Conflict: Can Freida drive the Audi fast enough to get there in time?

Subtext: Getting there seems as important to Allison as to Libby.

Hope/fear: Of course, we’re still rooting for them!

37. MONTAGE OF SITES SEEN INSIDE AND OUTSIDE THE CAR

Exit sign to Schwerin
Car clock reads 9:30
Exit sign to Parchim
Exit sign to Wittstock
Exit sign to Neuruppin
Exit sign to Oranienburg
Car clock reads 11:05
Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic mixed with pedestrians celebrators heading toward Brandenburg Gate.

38. EXT. BERLIN STREET – NIGHT

Arc: Allison gets the crowd to open a path to a side street and memorizes directions to get them to Shellenberg Park.

Interest technique: Character changes radically

Beginning: Allison hops from the car, hops onto the car’s hood, plays her violin, sings in German, and gets many celebrators to stop for her show.

She pontificates in German, with Freida translating to Libby, the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time.

Before getting back into the car, Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.

Essence: Allison is even smarter than we realized.

Conflict: They must get through the mob and traffic jam to drive the back streets.

Subtext: If Allison’s is right, Libby will enjoy being an immediate grandmother.

Hope/fear: We hope Allison is right about Zhores being her grandfather.

39. CONTINUOUS

Arc: Freida drives wildly to Allison’s direction and gets them to Shellenberg Park’s gate.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Allison amazes Freida and Libby by shouting out directions which Freida proudly follows.

Middle: Libby, now in the backseat, prays.

* End: Freida screeches the car into a parking space at the park’s entrance.

Essence: This day has changed all three of them.

Conflict: The car clock now reads 11: 50.

Subtext: Libby’s career will no longer be more important than her family.

Hope/fear: We truly hope that Zhores arrives.

40. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – CONTINUOUS

Arc: Stuart is waiting in the park, Helga and Heinz run in, and after several tense moments, Zhores appears over a hill and walks into Libby’s open arms.

Interest technique: Cliffhanger

Beginning: Stuart knew Libby would be here to await Zhores, but is surprised to find Freida who’s delighted that the camera she fumbled with when the earthquake started took pictures of the looters and got them arrested. The jewelry store proprietor wants her to keep the pendant as her reward. Best of all, Stuart forgives her for running away.

Middle: Helga and Heinz (now Helen and Hank) confirm Stuart is Allison’s father, and Allison hands her violin to Libby and jumps straddle-legged on a surprised Stuart, kissing him over and over.

End: Merriment reigns with all except Libby whose watch reads midnight at the moment Zhores appears and she opens her arms in welcome.

Essence: They all deserve this moment of happiness and the happy future they now will have.

Conflict: Tension between Libby and Stuart gets resolved.

Subtext: Having a loving family is a supreme blessing.

CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrators’ cheers.

Action: When the group huggers begin a circular dance, Libby and Zhores break away, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes, and smile as they head toward heavy shrubs.

The End

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Scene Requirements

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that each scene needs its own arc, essence, conflict, and subtext, designed to evoke the audience to either hope or fear for the protagonist.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Libby, Freida, Allison

Genre: Drama/Suspense

ACT ONE

INT. AIRPORT TICKET COUNTER — NIGHT — 1989

Libby (48), Allison (12), and Freida (25) get tickets to fly to Berlin.

Essence: Libby promised to meet her Russian soldier lover on the day the Wall came down.

Conflict: They must fly to Paris, have a layover, then connect to Berlin.

Subtext: The Wall is expected to come down tomorrow.

Hope/fear: We hope Libby gets there to keep her promise.

INT. AIRPORT CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Arc: Libby stops a cart driver, Freida jumps on, and Allison runs behind.

Essence: The flight to Paris may be the last European flight this night.

Conflict: Will they get to the gate on time?

Subtext: While running, Freida holds her hand over her pendant.

Hope/fear: We hope they get on the plane.

INT. AIRPLANE – LATER

Arc: After introductions, Allison asks Libby how she met and fell in love with a Russian soldier.

Essence: Freida is leaving San Francisco because of earthquakes. Allison has an audition app’t with Claudio Abbado.

Conflict: Becoming comfortable with Allison holding her violin case.

Subtext: Allison is reluctant to talk about herself,

Hope/fear: We’re eager to hear Libby’s story.

EXT. BERLIN’S SHELLENBERG PARK — DAY — 1961

Arc: The Major and Marilyn leave Young Libby babysitting Stephanie.

Essence: Young Libby resents having seen her birth father, the Major.

Conflict: Young Libby hides her fear of being alone in a strange country.

Subtext: She’s actually terrified to be on her own in a foreign city.

Hope/fear: We hope she’ll give the Major a second chance.

EXT. LATER

Arc: Helga talks Young Libby into going with her and Sonja to buy clothes to sneak back to East Germany.

Essence: Helga’s boyfriend Heinz, a VOPO guard, will wave them through the crossing to the East.

Conflict: Helga scolds Sonja for marching and singing a Young Pioneer song.

Subtext: What’s this Young Pioneer business all about?

Hope/fear: We hope Libby won’t regret this escapade.

INT. AIRPLANE — LATER 1989

Arc: Allison admires and Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness.

Essence: Freida wishes she had been as bold in San Francisco.

Conflict: Allison refuses to allow her violin to be stored in compartment above.

Subtext: Was the recent earthquake Freida’s only reason for leaving the USA?

Hope/fear: We’re eager to get back to Young Libby’s story.

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE DRESSING ROOM – DAY – 1961

Arc: Young Libby and Helga laugh and layer clothes on the four of them.

Essence: East Berliners have many restrictive rules.

Conflict: Will they be able to keep from laughing at the crossing point?

Subtext: No wonder East Berliners come over to the West and never return.

Hope/fear: We hope they’ll make it safely to the East.

EXT. CROSSING POINT — LATER

Arc: Heinz is not the guard, but they get waved through when Helga tells Sonja and Stephanie to march and sing a Young Pioneer song.

Essence: Helga has Sonja do something that she, Helga, hates.

Conflict: They would have been arrested if the guard had inspected them.

Subtext: Why isn’t Heinz at the crossing as he was supposed to be?

Hope/fear: We’re relieved they made it through.

EXT. EAST BERLIN STREETS – CONTINUOUS

Arc: On their walk to Helga’s home, Young Libby turns down Helga’s offer to fix her up with Heinz’s friend, a Russian soldier.

Essence: East Germany is dismal compared to the West.

Conflict: Young Libby is definitely not interested in dating a Russian.

Subtext: Young Libby might be hesitant to trust Helga again.

Hope/fear: We hope she and Stephanie get out of the East without problems.

INT. THE GOHKLE HOME — CONTINUOUS. TURNING POINT 1

Arc: A solider interrupts Herr and Frau Gohkle’s hospitality to take Young Libby and Stephanie back to the West.

Essence: Furious at being followed, she tells Helga she’ll date that Russian.

Conflict: Young Libby struggles against the soldier.

Subtext: Somehow she’ll find a way to show the Major her independence.

Hope/fear: We’re torn between sympathizing with Young Libby or the Major.

INT. AIRPLANE – LATER – 1989

Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk—just like she wants to be.

i

Essence: Freida is flabbergasted with Young Libby’s story.

Conflict: Stewardess still wants to store Allison’s violin, but she refuses.

Subtext: Allison is independent, but actually wishes she didn’t have to be.

Hope/fear: We’re wonder how the Major will react to Young Libby’s blind date.

ACT TWO:

EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK — EARLY EVENING — 1961

Arc: The Major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.

Essence: Zhores risks being exiled for crossing into the West in civilian clothes.

Conflict: Zhores’ father died at Vyasma—the worst slaughter of World War II.

Subtext: Zhores loves his motherland, but takes risks to learn how others live.

Hope/fear: We like this Russian soldier.

MOMENTS LATER

Arc: Young Libby, Zhores, Helga and Heinz discuss politics and look up in awe as Sputnik passes overhead.

Essence: Zhores’ 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, had one night of passion with his mother before leaving with the militia and his early death.

Conflict: Are Krushchev and Kennedy are playing Berlin like a game of poker?

Subtext: Allison recalls her grandparents were in Berlin when Sputnik went over.

Hope/fear: We can’t help but be impressed with Zhores’ idealism.

INT. AIRPLANE — CONTINUOUS – 1989

Arc: Allison hopes she was conceived with such passion, and Freida already misses the passion she had with Stuart .

Essence: Both want to get back to Young Libby’s story.

Conflict: Both Allison and Libby criticize Freida for leaving a husband she loves.

Subtext: Libby reacts to the name Stuart because it’s her son’s name.

Hope/fear: We wonder why Libby look so startled at one point in Freida’s laments.

INT. GASTHAUS – ANOTHER NIGHT – 1961

Arc: Heinz laments being left as a newborn outside an orphanage. Zhores’ tells about his grandmother, a refusenik documenting communist’s crimes.

Essence: The four vow to demonstrate that different nationalities can get along.

Conflict: Heinz drinks much too much, to Helga’s chagrin.

Subtext: Joking about Young Libby marrying Zhores is no joke.

Hope/fear: We’ll root for these two couples for wanting to make a difference.

INT. AIRPLANE – CONTINUOUS – 1989

Arc: Freida compares Heinz’s obsession with finding his mother to Stuart’s sense of being betrayed by his birth mother.

Essence: Having a close family is one of life’s greatest treasures.

Subtext: Libby thinks she may be the mother Stuart resents.

Hope/fear: We sympathize with both Heinz and Stuart.

EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – ANOTHER NIGHT – 1961 TURNING POINT 2

Arc: Heinz interrupts Young Libby’s and Zhores’ date by putting up orange posts and barbed wire to divide the park.

Essence: Russians fenced in East Germans to keep them from the West.

Conflict: Zhores is angry with Heinz.

Subtext: Helga didn’t talk her parents into leaving the East in time.

Hope/fear: We fear the fun these couples had together will be ending.

INT. INSIDE THE MAJOR’S APARTMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT

Arc: Young Libby tells the Major about the orange posts.

Essence: American military knew Russians were planning to build a Wall.

Conflict: The only way to talk to Helga is vie tied-up lines to Copenhagen.

Subtext: The Major may help get Helga and family out of the East.

Hope/fear: We hope Helga and family get out safely.

EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – DAY – A FEW DAYS LATER

Arc: Young Libby passes fake West German ID cards, supplied by the Major, to Helga through a hole dug under the barbed wire.

Essence: West Germans are still allowed to go back and forth freely.

Conflict: Danger looms at night as VOPOs rotate a spotlight to keep a sharp eye on the barrier.

Subtext: The Major has given Young Libby reason to change her attitude toward him.

Hope/fear: We hope the IDs work to get the Gohkles out.

EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – NIGHT – A FEW DAYS LATER

Arc: Zhores and Young Libby finalize plan to get Helga and family out. Before they could use their IDs, a new rule prohibits West Germans going freely back and forth.

Essence: Young Libby will need to hide them once they’re over the fence.

Conflict: The VOPOs spotlight constantly interrupts their plotting.

Subtext: Young Libby is learning how much the Major loves her.

Hope/fear: We hope the plan works.

THE NEXT NIGHT

Arc: Heinz, Helga, Sonja, and Herr and Frau Gohkle make it to the West.

Essence: Young Libby’s jubilation is marred when Zhores doesn’t follow them.

Conflict: Sonja, gagged to keep her from screaming, resists escaping.

Subtext: Young Libby is proud of the Major and Marilyn for helping.

Hope/fear: We still hope Zhores will come to the West.

INT. AIRPLANE – DAY 1989 – CONTINUOUS

Arc: Freida reveals Stuart makes a living playing baseball, Libby reveals he’s her son, and Freida tells she left the USA to avoid arrest for looting pendant.

Essence: Freida is sorry she left only a note for him, with a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage.

Conflict: Libby’s and Freida’s clash ends with Freida realizing she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and avoid jail time.

Subtext: Might the roll of film be significant?

Hope/fear: We hope Stuart will forgive Freida for running away.

ACT 3:

INT. CHARLES DE GAULLE Airport – DAY

Arc: Allison tricks Libby and Freida into accompanying her to the Louvre.

Essence: The three are now friends, not seat mate strangers,

Conflict: the limited time of a 5-hour layover vs. seeing a world famous museum of art

Subtext: Allison doesn’t reveal why going to the Louvre is important to her.

Hope/fear: We look forward to seeing the Louvre and parts of Paris.

MONTAGE – TAXI DRIVING FROM THE AIRPORT TO THE LOUVRE – DAY

With her nose against the taxi window, Allison enjoys the drive.

Arriving at the Louvre, she gives the driver her credit card.

She runs into the Louvre ahead of Libby and Freida.

INT. THE LOUVRE – DAY

Arc: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” and Freida drags them from ithe audience’s enthusiastic accolades.

Essence: Allison fulfilling a dream puts Libby in touch with her emotional self.

Conflict: No time for an encore.

Subtext: Allison played directly to Libby for some reason we don’t yet know.

Hope/fear: We fear they might miss their connection to Berlin.

EXT. CURB ON BUSY PARISIAN STREET – DAY

Arc: Freida’s sex appeal lures a driver to stop and drive them to the airport. TURNING POINT 3

Essence: Freida’s nervous shy being is now a spirited, take-charge extrovert.

Conflict: Busy Parisian traffic delays them.

Subtext: Libby’s midnight deadline is now shared by the others.

Hope/fear: We’re so afraid they won’t make their connecting flight.

MONTAGE – THE THREE RUN FROM THE TAXI, THROUGH THE AIRPORT, TO THE COUNTER AT THEIR GATE, ARRIVING 15 MINUTES BEFORE TAKE-OFF.

INT. AIRPORT TICKET COUNTER – DAY

Arc: When boarding started and they weren’t there, their seats were released. Freida gets them tickets on a plane boarding at this very moment for Hamburg.

Essence: No other chance of getting to Germany in time to drive to Berlin before midnight.

Conflict: Libby can’t keep up with Allison’s and Freida’s running to the gate,

Hope/fear: We’re happy when Allison hands Libby her boarding pass.

INT. AIRPLANE – LATER

Arc: Libby tells about the 1974 trip she and Stuart took to visit Helga, Heinz and Olga.

Essence: Allison suspects the truth of her birth in 1975.

Conflict: Libby regrets losing contact with Helga after that trip.

Subtext: Libby wishes she’d taken Stuart on more trips.

Hope/fear: We wonder why Allison is suddenly so elated.

INT. HAMBURG AIRPORT LOBBY – NIGHT

Arc: Freida calls her mother, Libby rents a car, Allison gets a map, and they go.

Essence: Freida’s mother now knows she’s on her way to Shellenberg Park.

Conflict: Can Freida drive the Audi fast enough to get there in time?

Subtext: Getting there seems as important to Allison as to Libby.

Hope/fear: Of course, we’re still rooting for them!

MONTAGE: Freida drives the car from Hamburg to Berlin, and they get stuck in traffic and mobs of pedestrian celebrants headed toward Brandenburg Gate.

ACT FOUR:

EXT. BERLIN STREET – NIGHT

Arc: Allison gets the crowd’s attention by playing her violin and singing in German. She sits on the car’s hood, and motions the admiring crowd to open a path to a side street while pontificating about the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time. Before getting back into the car, Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.

Essence: Allison is even smarter than we realized.

Conflict: They must get through the mob to drive the back streets.

Subtext: If Allison’s is right, Libby will enjoy being an immediate grandmother.

Hope/fear: We hope Stuart did impregnate Allison’s mother in 1973.

CONTINUOUS

Arc: Freida drives wildly to Allison’s direction and Libby prays until screeching to a halt at Shellenberg Park’s gate

Essence: This day has brought a change to all their lives.

Conflict: It’s almost midnight.

Subtext: Libby’s career will no longer be more important than family.

Hope/fear: We’re still hoping they get there in time.

EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – CONTINUOUS

Arc: Waiting in the park, Stuart reveals picture evidence that frees Freida from all fears, then Helga and Heinz (now Helen and Hank) confirm Stuart is Allison’s father. Finally, Zhores arrives.

CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrants’ cheers.

Action: When the group huggers begin a circular dance, Libby and Zhores break away, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes, and smile.

The End

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Intriguing Moments

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that a script should have intriguing moments in every act.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Codes for this assignment are PJ for Libby, FR for Freida, and AL for Allison. The antagonist is the travel industry making it difficult for the three to get to Berlin.

Genre: Drama/Suspense

Act 1 Intriguing moments

Intrigue: Why is a child like Allison traveling alone with her own credit card?

Secret: Why is Freida so nervous?

Intrigue: Is it good or bad that Sonja is a Young Pioneer—a fact that caused a VOPO guard to wave them through the crossing point?

Covert agenda: Why does Russian soldier Zhores risk arrest by wearing civilian clothes and illegally crossing to the West?

Secret: If Freida loves her husband as much as she says, would fear of earthquakes really be enough to cause her to leave him?

Mystery: What did Freida say that caused Libby to hide her surprise? What does Libby suspect that the audience doesn’t know about?

Act 2 Intriguing moments

Intrigue: Did the Wall really begin with VOPOs dividing Shellenberg Park with orange posts and barbed wire?

Mystery: If Heinz’s mother wanted him as much as her note said, why did she leave him as a newborn in a drawer outside an orphanage?

Scheme: Will Zhores’ and Young Libby’s plan for slipping Helga and her family out of the East between spotlight flashes actually succeed?

Hidden identity: Having learned Freida’s husband Stuart is a professional baseball player, Libby reveals that he’s also her son.

Act 3 Intriguing moments

Intrigue: Why is Allison so determined to go to the Louvre?

Intrigue: Is the sexy provocateur Freida becomes really the true woman she’s hidden until now?

Hidden identity: Why does Allison continue to relate sections of Young Libby’s story to her own family? What’s significant about Allison being born the year after Libby and her son visited their friend Helga and Heinz in Germany?

Act 4 Intriguing moments

Hidden identity: Is Allison correct when she persuades the crowd to separate so she can meet her Russian grandfather?

Intrigue: That guy they see ahead in Shellenberg Park looks like Freida’s husband and Libby’s son Stuart. How would he know they would be there?

Hidden identity: Helga and Heinz reveal they changed their names to Helen and Hank when they moved to the USA to be close to his mother, an heiress who deserted him rather than risk being disinherited.

Mystery: Will Allison’s grandparents confirm that Stuart is her birth father?

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Emotional Moments

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that every act must have 2 – 4 big emotional moments to keep the audience emotionally engaged throughout the entire movie. I was happy to find I already had emotional moments in my beat sheet, but this assignment helped me change one and intensify others.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Codes for this assignment are PJ for Libby, FR for Freida, and AL for Allison. The antagonist is the travel industry making it difficult for the three to get to Berlin.

Genre: Drama/Suspense

Act 1:

Surprise: Dignified Dr. Libby’s emotional monologue to the ticket agent contrasts blatantly with her business-like appearance—not what one would expect from her in a public place.

Bonding: Americans Young Libby and 10-year-old Stephanie bond with Germans Helga and 10-year-old Sonja as they layer new clothes on their bodies to sneak them into East Germany.

Excitement: A suspicious VOPO guard other than Heinz, Helga’s boyfriend, stops them at the crossing point to the East, but when Sonja sings a Young Pioneer’s song and Stephanie marches with her, the guard—deciding they must be loyal Easterners—lets them pass.

Courage: Zhores comes through the Major’s rough interrogation with such aplomb that the audience will love him from the start.

Act 2:

Wound: Heinz has two problems. He is obsessed with finding his mother who left him as a newborn with a sorrowful note outside an orphanage, and he drinks too much because of hating his job as VOPO.

Surprise: Bells ring, cars honk, sirens sound as Sputnik passes above while Young Libby and Zhores are on a date.

Betrayal: A drunken Heinz puts up orange posts and barbed wire dividing the park where Young Libby and Zhores are on a date.

Love: The Major shows his love for Young Libby by taking her into the East for one last meeting with Zhores.

Emotional dilemma: Zhores has to choose between being free with Libby in the West and staying in the East to prevent his family from being punished and to help his grandmother continue to document communist atrocities.

Act 3:

Surprise: Freida confesses that she was about to take a picture of herself wearing the pendant in a jewelry store when the earthquake hit and she ran for her apartment. She’s sure the pendent was confiscated by the Nazis from her grandmother. Knowing how much her grandmother loved it, she couldn’t bear to take it back. She knew if she was caught with it in the USA, she’d go to jail.

Excitement: Allison’s playing “Mona Lisa” in front of da Vinci’s masterpiece is a stirring moment that draws a crowd at the Louvre.

Surprise: When having trouble getting a taxi to take them to the Paris airport, Freida becomes a sexy provocateur and lures a driver to stop.

Success/winning: Heinz’s American mother found him in 1974 and wants him to come to the USA. If she had kept him at birth, her parents would have disowned her. Now she has inherited their fortune and wants to share it with him and his family.

Act 4:

Courage: When they’re stuck in traffic that will keep them from reaching Shellenberg Park on time, Allison jumps from the car, wanders through the crowd playing violin and singing. Then from the car’s hood, she motions the celebrants to spread apart for the car to get through.

Love: As Libby prays and runs a gamut of emotions making self-promises she’ll keep if her rendezvous expectations are met, the audience should be just as emotional as she is.

Success/winning: Stuart tells Freida the jewelry store proprietor was glad to see the picture of Freida wearing the pendant and especially happy with the picture of the two looters which led to their arrest. As her reward for the accidental pictures she didn’t know she took, the proprietor wants her to keep the pendant.

Excitement: Allison’s grandparents Hank and Helen confirm that Allison had her family figured out right. Stuart impregnated Olga when he and Libby visited them right after Heinz’s mother found him. So Libby is her grandmother and Freida is her step-mother.

Success/winning: Zhores arrives and Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrants’ cheers.

Love: When the group huggers begin a circular dance, Libby and Zhores break away, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes, and smile.

The End

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Reveals

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that reveals must have set-ups in every act, enough for the viewer either to be misled and get surprised, or to get hints that suddenly make sense when the reveal shows up.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Codes for this assignment are PJ for Libby, FR for Freida, and AL for Allison. The antagonist is the travel industry making it difficult for the three to get to Berlin.

Genre: Drama/Suspense

ACT 1: Libby, Freida, and Allison get airplane seats together.

Libby’s flight from Honolulu and Freida’s from San Francisco arrived too late for their Berlin connection. Allison is buying her original ticket, having arrived at Chicago O’Hara by taxi.

PJ 1: Libby persuades Chicago O’Hara ticket agent of the vitalness for her to get to Berlin on the very day the Wall comes down to meet the Russian soldier she loved and lost when the Wall went up.

Action: With hands in prayer position, she nods and listens intently as ticket agent explains all direct flights to Berlin have already taken off and offers her a free overnight in Chicago and tomorrow night’s flight to Berlin. But then she gestures dramatically during a long tirade which ends once again with prayer position hands that extends from her chest to the ticket taker’s chest.

AL 1: Allison, with violin, pretends to be with Libby and buys her ticket with a credit card.

Action: Allison, prim and proper at all times, gives Libby as pleading look as she hands the ticket agent her credit card and when she gets her ticket, gives her a smile.

Action: Freida frantically breaks ahead in the queue and slaps her ticket on the ticket agent’s counter, looking apologetically back at those behind her.

FR 1: Freida gets the same flight to Paris, connecting to Berlin and runs after Libby and Allison—all in a hurry to get to the gate in time.

Action: Freida runs, pulling a wheeled bag behind her with one hand, covering her pendant with her other hand.

Action: Running, turning around a handicap cart driver, Libby hops on with him just as Freida catches up and hops on. Allison throws on her small bag and runs behind the cart.

AL 2: On the plane, Allison explains she has run away from Interlochen to keep an audition app’t with Claudio Abbado.

Action: Allison has a habit of taking a deep breath before any long sentence.

FR 2: Freida explains she is leaving San Francisco because she can’t live in a city that has earthquakes like the recent Loma Prieta quake she felt lucky to survive.

Action: Eyeballs nervously darting side to side, Freida takes her hand off her pendant and clinches both hands together.

DEEPER LAYER and SETUP 1: Freida is wearing a pendant she looted during the earthquake. She thinks it is one taken confiscated by the Nazis from her grandmother during World War II.

AL 3: Brushing away questions about herself, Allison urges Libby to tell how she met a Russian soldier in 1961, showing she knows the year the Wall went up.

Action: Allison’s face appears to blush, even without reddening, with any reference to her brilliance.

PJ 2: Libby narrates as Young Libby’s story emerges In flashback.

Action: Libby leans back comfortably in the middle seat as she begins her narration.

Marilyn 1: At Shellenberg Park, Marilyn explains that Libby’s birth father, the Major, couldn’t have her visit until their recent marriage.

DEEPER LAYER and SETUP 2: Libby resents having seen her father only four times and the infrequent postcards he sent. She’s also frightened to be in charge of 10-year-old Stephanie as Marilyn and the Major both go to work, but doesn’t say so. Reveal will be Libby admitting her motherhood was as bad as her birth father’s.

FR 3: Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness, so unlike her hesitancy to get around in San Francisco, which she’s happy to be leaving.

Action: Freida clinches her hands across her knees—a gesture meant to calm her nerves.

Helga: Helga and her 10-year-old sister Sonja talk Libby into going with them to a department store to buy clothes and layer them on their bodies to sneak back to East Germany.

Heinz: Heinz, a VOPO guard and Helga’s boyfriend, waves them through the crossing point to the East. He is friend to a Russian soldier, Zhores, and Helga offers to fix Libby up with him for a double date.

PJ 3: Libby meets Herr and Frau Gohkle and finds out their concern about Sonja who is a Young Pioneer being programmed against her own family. They are happy with all the purchases smuggled in.

INCITING INCIDENT 1: Soldier comes to Helga’s home to take Libby and Allison back to the West.

Young Libby: Furious at the Major for having her followed, she tells Helga she’d like to go with Zhores on a double date.

AL 4: Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk in showing the Major her independence—exactly the kind of person she wants to be.

Action: Allison’s smile and animation while admiring Young Libby are larger than any previous ones.

DEEPER LAYER: She actually wishes she didn’t have to make so many big decisions on her own, although she’s proud that her grandparents trust her so much.

TURNING POINT 1: The major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.

Zhores: Zhores fills Young Libby in on the politics of the war that caused Berlin to be split between the Americans and the Russians.

SETUP 3: His 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, was killed, but not before one night of passion with his mother, without which he would not have been born. Clue that musical prodigy runs in Zhores’ family.

SETUP 4: AL 5: Allison says she hopes she was conceived with such passion, but her mother would not even reveal her father’s name. Her grandparents promised to tell her when she was old enough to understand. Clue that her father is unknown means that it could be the one she concludes it to be.

SETUP 5: FR 4: Freida says the sex talk makes her miss Stuart so much, and Libby hides her surprise that her son is also named Stuart, and married to a German girl named Freida. Clue that Libby knows something about Freida that the audience doesn’t know at this point.

Action: During this dialogue, Freida is more relaxed.

Action: Libby turns her furrowed brow and startled eyes away from Freida and toward Allison, who notices.

ACT 2: PJ 4: Libby narrates Young Libby’s actions up until the Wall goes up and she helps sneak Helga and her family out of the West.

Heinz: Heinz tells Young Libby about his obsession to find his mother who left him as a newborn with a sorrowful note in a drawer outside an orphanage.

Helga: She’s concerned about Heinz drinking too much because he hates his vopo job.

SETUP 6: FR 5: Freida says Stuart has something of an obsession about his mother, who has always neglected him and didn’t even come to their wedding.

DEEPER LAYER and ABOVE SETUP 6: Libby begins to compare her relationship to Stuart to the bad relationship she had with the Major before he proved his love for her.

Action: Hand under her chin with pointing finger on her cheek, Libby reminisces and bunglingly notes the similarity of Freida’s mother-in-law to her own neglectful birth father, the Major.

TURNING POINT 2: Bells ring, cars honk, sirens sound as Sputnik passes above.

Zhores: Zhores talks about the high stakes between Russia and the USA.

SETUP 7: AL 6: Allison recalls her grandparents telling her about Sputnik going over Berlin just a few days before the Wall went up. Clue that her grandparents were in Berlin at the same time Libby was there.

Action: Allison’s three fingers on each side of her brow indicates she’s rolling around more in her brain than she’s stating in words.

Zhores: Zhores tells that his grandmother is a refusenik who wouldn’t let him be brainwashed by the communists. He wants to bring about change.

TURNING POINT 3: Young Libby and Zhores are on the lawn kissing when Heinz, very drunk and hating what he’s doing, helps another VOPO put up orange posts and barbed wire.

PJ 5: Libby explains that during several days it took to complete the Wall, she begged Zhores and Helga and her family to stay in the West while they had the chance.

Action: Agitated by the facts she’s about to tell, she begins her narration sitting straight and extending prayer position hands repeatedly and pitifully.

Young Libby and Zhores stare sadly across the Wall at each other. The Major gets Zhores an ID card, which Libby tries to slip to him between flashes of a rotating spotlight, but he refuses to take it.

With Zhores on one side of the fence, and the Major on the other, they get Helga and her family out between between flashes, complicated at the end by Sonja’s screams.

The Major: The Major later helps Young Libby have one last meeting with Zhores—the meeting when their son Stuart was conceived. If Zhores left the East, his family in Moscow would be the ones to suffer. He must stay and help his grandmother documents the evils of communist rule.

SETUP 8: FR 6: Helga’s devotion to her family and Zhores to his makes Freida miss Stuart more. She’s sorry she left only a note for him, with a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage. She’s sorry she ever thought poorly of him for making a living playing a child’s game. Clue that the roll of film might have more on it than earthquake pictures.

Action: Freida’s demeanor, including a few tears, show her true sorrow for leaving her husband. Her ample bosom heaves with each sign and sob. .

PJ 6: Libby’s son Stuart is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants. She now knows what she suspected: She tells Freida she is Stuart’s neglectful mother and she doesn’t like it one bit that Freida ran way from him the way she did.

REVEAL 1: Freida’s husband Stuart is Libby’s son.

Action: Reluctance abounds in Libby’s confession, which nevertheless leads Freida to tell her real reason for leaving Stuart.

SETUP 9: FR7: Freida was about to take a picture of herself wearing the pendant when the earthquake hit and she ran for her apartment. Knowing how much her grandmother loved it, she couldn’t bear to take it back. She knew if she was caught with it in the USA, she’d go to jail. She stayed long enough to get their apartment back in good shape, check small portions of money from their checking account so Stuart wouldn’t get suspicious, and bought a ticket to Berlin with a stop in Chicago. Clue that a picture of her wearing the pendant might be on the film roll she left for Stuart.

Action: While touching her pendant, Freida makes sure her button-up blouse is closed to the next bo top button. Through her blouse, she pulls up her bra straps.

FR8: Freida is ecstatic when Lilly and Allison convince her that she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and she would not face jail time in the USA.

Action: For the first time Freida is genuinely happy and cheek kisses both seat mates.

.

ACT 3: During the 6-hour Paris layover, the three go to the Louvre, miss their Berlin connection, and fly to Hamburg where they rent a car.

AL 7: Allison intends to take a taxi alone to the Louvre, but Libby won’t allow it.

Action: Allison winks to herself, knowing she tricked Libby and Freida into accompanying her as she makes a dream come true.

PJ 7: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” in front of da Vincii’s masterpiece and draws a crowd at the Louvre.

Action: Libby is embarrassed as she pats a folded handkerchief at the first tear that drops from her eyes, but by the end of the number she happily lets them flow.

AL 8: As she takes a bow, Allison shows amazement at the large crowd she attracted and the enthusiastic accolades she’s receiving.

Action: She bows once with her violin, second while putting it in its case extended by Freida, and third with her hands in prayer position, nodding at Libby who frequently uses the prayer position in ordinary conversation.

FR 9: Freida whisks them both from the Louvre to the curb outside.

Action: Freida’s attitude is one of exasperation as she physically leads them, jerking them so keep up the pace.

PJ 8: Libby can’t focus her mind on getting them a taxi.

Action: Libby hugs Allison, motions to a passing taxi, hugs Allison again, motions again.

TURNING POINT 4: FR 10: Freida becomes a sexy provocateur and lures a driver to stop. Finding their seats to Berlin were given away, she comes up with the plan to fly to Hamburg and drive a car from there to Berlin.

Action: Freida unbutton two blouse buttons, pulls up her breasts so cleavage shows above her exposed bra, rolls her skirt’s waistline to make it shorter, and twists provocatively as she thumbs for a ride.

PJ 9: Libby, knowing Freida thinks she neglected her son, begins the narration of about the trip they took together to visit Helga and Heinz in 1974. Heinz is elated that his American mother found him after all these years and wants them to move to the USA. Flashback shows young 15-year-old Stuart and 14-year-old Olga going to baseball games, playing catch, and having batting contest. Helga and Heinz remind Libby of all their vows to meet Zhores and Libby this very day.

Action: Libby shows worry that the rendezvous might not happen.

SET UP 8: AL 9: Allison says that Libby’s trip was the year before she was born just two weeks after her grandparents and mother immigrated to the USA.

Her mother was only 14—too young to marry—and that’s why they didn’t tell her father about her birth. Allison suspects the truth of her birth, but no one else does.

Action: Allison bounces happily, a smug look on her face as if she suddenly found the key to unlock a puzzle she’d been trying to figure out.

FR 11: At Hamburg airport Freida calls her mother to let her know she’s going to get Libby to Shellenberg Park before she comes home.

Action: Freida is totally relaxed and happy as she talks with her mother.

DEEPER LAYER: Libby observes the kind of family devotion she hasn’t had with Stuart.

ACT 4: Allison’s ingenuity gets them to Shellenberg Park and all three get what they want.

FR 12: Freida gives up on driving when they are stuck in traffic and mobs of pedestrian celebrants headed toward Brandenburg Gate.

Action: Freida stops the car and pounds her head repeatedly toward the steering wheel.

AL 10: Allison jumps from the car and plays her violin and sings.

Action: Never missing a note on her violin, Allison wanders through the crowd, singing “Hail, Hail, the gangs on here, how’re we gonna get there? How’re we gonna get there? Hail, Hail, we need your help. Only you can get us there.”

AL 11: Allison jumps on the hood of the car, motions the celebrants to spread apart for the car to get through, and pontificates about the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time. An admiring crowd blocks traffic, gives them an opening to get them to a back street. Before getting back into the car, Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.

Action: Allison on hood of car spreading her arms for celebrants to make way for the car to go through.

FR 13: Freida drives at high speed.

Action: Freida oscillates between amazement at Allison’s remembering the directions and fear of wrecking the rental car.

PJ 10: In the backseat, Libby—seemingly oblivious to any danger—closes her eyes, puts hands in prayer position, and prays to get there in time. She prays for one last chance to be a good wife, mother, and maybe even grandmother—if Allison is right.

Action: Knowing the two in the front seat can’t hear her, Libby runs a gamut of emotions as she makes self-promises she’ll keep if her rendezvous expectations are met, all the while straightening her attire and making herself more presentable.

STUART 1: Told by Freida’s mother where she would be, Stuart is waiting at the park and surprised to see his mother Libby with his runaway wife Freida.

REVEAL 9: STUART 2: Stuart tells Freida the jewelry store proprietor was glad to see the picture of Freida wearing the pendant and especially happy with the picture of the two looters which led to their arrest. As her reward for the accidental pictures she didn’t know she took, the proprietor wants her to keep the pendant.

Action: Freida grabs Stuart’s hands and they jump up and down together several times before ending with a prolonged kiss.

Action: Libby pours out apologies and promises to Stuart until he stops her with a hug and kiss.

AL 12: Allison’s grandparents, Hank and Helen, arrive and confirm they were Helga and Heinz before being found by Heinz’s mother and moving to the USA. They confirm that Stuart and Olga did more than play baseball when he visited and she, Allison, was the result.

Action: Allison jumps straddle-legged on a bewildered Stuart and repeatedly kisses each of his cheeks until he pulls her head straight in front of his, recognizes Olga in her, and sobs with joy.

FR 14: Although Stuart offers to ask to be traded, Freida now wants to give San Francisco another try and hopes her new stepdaughter Allison will live with them and teach her how to get around the city.

Action: Out of habit, as she leans down toward Allison, she covers the pendant with her hand, then laughingly removes her hand and points proudly to the pendant.

AL 13: Allison says maybe she could live with Freida’s mother if she gets the job with the Berlin Philharmonic.

Action: Helen and Hank applaud that idea.

PJ 11: Surrounded by jubilation, Libby is still tense until she sees Zhores coming over a hill.

Action: She stretches her arms out, breathes heavily, and nods repeatedly, but she does not move toward him. When he finally reaches her, her outstretched arms embrace him and her lips lift to his.

CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrants’ cheers.

Action: When the group huggers begin a circular dance, Libby and Zhores break away, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes, and smile.

The End

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Action Tracks!

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that character’s actions speak as strongly as their words, and the screenwriter is responsible for writing that action. Without this lesson, I would have gone on believing that actors preferred to give scripts their personal interpretation rather than be told by the writer how to act and react. By doing that telling, I revised some spots in my outline, hopefully making improvements.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Codes for this assignment are PJ for Libby, FR for Freida, and AL for Allison. The antagonist is the travel industry making it difficult for the three to get to Berlin.

Genre: Drama/Suspense

ACT 1: Libby, Freida, and Allison get airplane seats together.

Libby’s flight from Honolulu and Freida’s from San Francisco arrived too late for their Berlin connection. Allison is buying her original ticket, having arrived at Chicago O’Hara by taxi.

PJ 1: Libby persuades Chicago O’Hara ticket agent of the vitalness for her to get to Berlin on the very day the Wall comes down to meet the Russian soldier she loved and lost when the Wall went up.

Action: With hands in prayer position, she nods and listens intently as ticket agent explains all direct flights to Berlin have already taken off and offers her a free overnight in Chicago and tomorrow night’s flight to Berlin. But then she gestures dramatically during a long tirade which ends once again with prayer position hands that extends from her chest to the ticket taker’s chest.

AL 1: Allison, with violin, pretends to be with Libby and buys her ticket with a credit card.

Action: Allison, prim and proper at all times, gives Libby as pleading look as she hands the ticket agent her credit card and when she gets her ticket, gives her a smile.

Action: Freida frantically breaks ahead in the queue and slaps her ticket on the ticket agent’s counter, looking apologetically back at those behind her.

FR 1: Freida gets the same flight to Paris, connecting to Berlin and runs after Libby and Allison—all in a hurry to get to the gate in time.

Action: Freida runs, pulling a wheeled bag behind her with one hand, covering her pendant with her other hand.

Action: Running, turning around a handicap cart driver, Libby hops on with him just as Freida catches up and hops on. Allison throws on her small bag and runs behind the cart.

AL 2: On the plane, Allison explains she has run away from Interlochen to keep an audition app’t with Claudio Abbado.

Action: Allison has a habit of taking a deep breath before any long sentence.

FR 2: Freida explains she is leaving San Francisco because she can’t live in a city that has earthquakes like the recent Loma Prieta quake she felt lucky to survive.

Action: Eyeballs nervously darting side to side, Freida takes her hand off her pendant and clinches both hands together.

DEEPER LAYER: Freida is wearing a pendant she looted during the earthquake. She thinks it is one taken confiscated by the Nazis from her grandmother during World War II.

AL 3: Brushing away questions about herself, Allison urges Libby to tell how she met a Russian soldier in 1961, showing she knows the year the Wall went up.

Action: Allison’s face appears to blush, even without reddening, with any reference to her brilliance.

PJ 2: Libby narrates as Young Libby’s story emerges In flashback.

Action: Libby leans back comfortably in the middle seat as she begins her narration.

Marilyn 1: At Shellenberg Park, Marilyn explains that Libby’s birth father, the Major, couldn’t have her visit until their recent marriage.

DEEPER LAYER : Libby resents having seen her father only four times and the infrequent postcards he sent. She’s also frightened to be in charge of 10-year-old Stephanie as Marilyn and the Major both go to work, but doesn’t say so.

FR 3: Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness, so unlike her hesitancy to get around in San Francisco, which she’s happy to be leaving.

Action: Freida clinches her hands across her knees—a gesture meant to calm her nerves.

Helga: Helga and her 10-year-old sister Sonja talk Libby into going with them to a department store to buy clothes and layer them on their bodies to sneak back to East Germany.

Heinz: Heinz, a VOPO guard and Helga’s boyfriend, waves them through the crossing point to the East. He is friend to a Russian soldier, Zhores, and Helga offers to fix Libby up with him for a double date.

PJ 3: Libby meets Herr and Frau Gohkle and finds out their concern about Sonja who is a Young Pioneer being programmed against her own family. They are happy with all the purchases smuggled in.

INCITING INCIDENT 1: Soldier comes to Helga’s home to take Libby and Allison back to the West.

Young Libby: Furious at the Major for having her followed, she tells Helga she’d like to go with Zhores on a double date.

AL 4: Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk in showing the Major her independence—exactly the kind of person she wants to be.

Action: Allison’s smile and animation while admiring Young Libby are larger than any previous ones.

DEEPER LAYER: She actually wishes she didn’t have to make so many big decisions on her own, although she’s proud that her grandparents trust her so much.

TURNING POINT 1: The major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.

Zhores: Zhores fills Young Libby in on the politics of the war that caused Berlin to be split between the Americans and the Russians.

REVEAL 1: His 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, was killed, but not before one night of passion with his mother, without which he would not have been born.

REVEAL 2: AL 5: Allison says she hopes she was conceived with such passion, but her mother would not even reveal her father’s name. Her grandparents promised to tell her when she was old enough to understand.

REVEAL 3: FR 4: Freida says the sex talk makes her miss Stuart so much, and Libby hides her surprise that her son is also named Stuart, and married to a German girl named Freida.

Action: During this dialogue, Freida is more relaxed.

Action: Libby turns her furrowed brow and startled eyes away from Freida and toward Allison, who notices.

ACT 2: PJ 4: Libby narrates Young Libby’s actions up until the Wall goes up and she helps sneak Helga and her family out of the West.

Heinz: Heinz tells Young Libby about his obsession to find his mother who left him as a newborn with a sorrowful note in a drawer outside an orphanage.

Helga: She’s concerned about Heinz drinking too much because he hates his vopo job.

REVEAL 4: FR 5: Freida says Stuart has something of an obsession about his mother, who has always neglected him and didn’t even come to their wedding.

DEEPER LAYER: Libby begins to compare her relationship to Stuart to the bad relationship she had with the Major before he proved his love for her.

Action: Hand under her chin with pointing finger on her cheek, Libby reminisces and bunglingly notes the similarity of Freida’s mother-in-law to her own neglectful birth father, the Major.

TURNING POINT 2: Bells ring, cars honk, sirens sound as Sputnik passes above.

Zhores: Zhores talks about the high stakes between Russia and the USA.

REVEAL 5: AL 6: Allison recalls her grandparents telling her about Sputnik going over Berlin just a few days before the Wall went up.

Action: Allison’s three fingers on each side of her brow indicates she’s rolling around more in her brain than she’s stating in words.

Zhores: Zhores tells that his grandmother is a refusenik who wouldn’t let him be brainwashed by the communists. He wants to bring about change.

TURNING POINT 3: Young Libby and Zhores are on the lawn kissing when Heinz, very drunk and hating what he’s doing, helps another VOPO put up orange posts and barbed wire.

PJ 5: Libby explains that during several days it took to complete the Wall, she begged Zhores and Helga and her family to stay in the West while they had the chance.

Action: Agitated by the facts she’s about to tell, she begins her narration sitting straight and extending prayer position hands repeatedly and pitifully.

Young Libby and Zhores stare sadly across the Wall at each other. The Major gets Zhores an ID card, which Libby tries to slip to him between flashes of a rotating spotlight, but he refuses to take it.

With Zhores on one side of the fence, and the Major on the other, they get Helga and her family out between between flashes, complicated at the end by Sonja’s screams.

The Major: The Major later helps Young Libby have one last meeting with Zhores—the meeting when their son Stuart was conceived. If Zhores left the East, his family in Moscow would be the ones to suffer. He must stay and help his grandmother documents the evils of communist rule.

REVEAL 6: FR 6: Helga’s devotion to her family and Zhores to his makes Freida miss Stuart more. She’s sorry she left only a note for him, with a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage. She’s sorry she ever thought poorly of him for making a living playing a child’s game.

Action: Freida’s demeanor, including a few tears, show her true sorrow for leaving her husband. Her ample bosom heaves with each sign and sob. .

PJ 6: Libby’s son Stuart is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants. She now knows what she suspected: She tells Freida she is Stuart’s neglectful mother and she doesn’t like it one bit that Freida ran way from him the way she did.

Action: Reluctance abounds in Libby’s confession, which nevertheless leads Freida to tell her real reason for leaving Stuart.

REVEAL 7: FR7: Freida tells her pendant story. Lilly and Allison convince her that she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and she would not face jail time in the USA.

Action: While touching her pendant, Freida makes sure her button-up blouse is closed to the next bo top button. Through her blouse, she pulls up her bra straps.

ACT 3: During the 6-hour Paris layover, the three go to the Louvre, miss their Berlin connection, and fly to Hamburg where they rent a car.

AL 7: Allison intends to take a taxi alone to the Louvre, but Libby won’t allow it.

Action: Allison winks to herself, knowing she tricked Libby and Freida into accompanying her as she makes a dream come true.

PJ 7: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” and draws a crowd at the Louvre.

Action: Libby is embarrassed as she pats a folded handkerchief at the first tear that drops from her eyes, but by the end of the number she happily lets them flow.

AL 8: As she takes a bow, Allison shows amazement at the large crowd she attracted and the enthusiastic accolades she’s receiving.

Action: She bows once with her violin, second while putting it in its case extended by Freida, and third with her hands in prayer position, nodding at Libby who frequently uses the prayer position in ordinary conversation.

FR 8: Freida whisks them both from the Louvre to the curb outside.

Action: Freida’s attitude is one of exasperation as she physically leads them, jerking them so keep up the pace.

PJ 8: Libby can’t focus her mind on getting them a taxi.

Action: Libby hugs Allison, motions to a passing taxi, hugs Allison again, motions again.

TURNING POINT 4: FR 9: Freida becomes a sexy provocateur and lures a driver to stop. Finding their seats to Berlin were given away, she comes up with the plan to fly to Hamburg and drive a car from there to Berlin.

Action: Freida unbutton two blouse buttons, pulls up her breasts so cleavage shows above her exposed bra, rolls her skirt’s waistline to make it shorter, and twists provocatively as she thumbs for a ride.

PJ 9: Libby, knowing Freida thinks she neglected her son, begins the narration of about the trip they took together to visit Helga and Heinz in 1974. Heinz is elated that his American mother found him after all these years. Flashback shows young 15-year-old Stuart and 14-year-old Olga going to baseball games, playing catch, and having batting contest. Libby wonders if Helga and Heinz will remember their vow to meet Zhores and Libby this very day.

Action: Libby shows worry that the rendezvous might not happen.

REVEAL 8: AL 9: Allison says that Libby’s trip was the year before she was born just two weeks after her grandparents and mother immigrated to the USA.

Her mother was only 14—too young to marry—and that’s why they didn’t tell her father about her birth.

Action: Allison bounces happily, a smug look on her face as if she suddenly found the key to unlock a puzzle she’d been trying to figure out.

FR 10: At Hamburg airport Freida calls her mother to let her know she’s going to get Libby to Shellenberg Park before she comes home.

Action: Freida is totally relaxed and happy as she talks with her mother.

DEEPER LAYER: Libby observes the kind of family devotion she hasn’t had with Stuart.

ACT 4: A Berliner drives them to the park and all three get what they want.

FR 11: Freida gives up on driving when they are stuck in traffic and pedestrian celebrants headed toward Brandenburg Gate.

Action: Freida stops the car and pounds her head repeatedly toward the steering wheel.

AL 10: Allison jumps from the car, plays her violin while singing the following:

Action: Never missing a note on her violin, Allison wanders through the crowd, singing “Hail, Hail, the gangs on here, how’re we gonna get there? How’re we gonna get there? Hail, Hail, we need your help. Only you can get us there.”

AL 11: Allison jumps on the hood of the car, motions the celebrants to spread apart for the car to get through, and pontificates about the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time. An admiring crowd blocks traffic, gives them an opening to get them to a back street. Before getting back into the car, Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.

FR 12: Freida drives at high speed.

Action: Freida oscillates between amazement at Allison’s remembering the directions and fear of wrecking the rental car.

PJ 10: In the backseat, Libby—seemingly oblivious to any danger—closes her eyes, puts hands in prayer position, and prays to get there in time. She prays for one last chance to be a good wife, mother, and maybe even grandmother—if Allison is right.

Action: Knowing the two in the front seat can’t hear her, Libby runs a gamut of emotions as she makes promises to herself that she’ll keep if her rendezvous expectations are met, all the while straightening her attire and making herself more presentable.

STUART 1: Told by Freida’s mother where she would be, Stuart is waiting at the park and surprised to see his mother Libby.

REVEAL 9: STUART 2: Stuart tells Freida the jewelry store proprietor was glad to see the picture of Freida wearing the pendant which he wanted her to have and especially happy with the picture of the two looters which led to their arrest.

Action: Freida grabs Stuart’s hand and they jump up and down together several times before ending with a prolonged kiss.

Action: Libby pours out apologies and makes promises to Stuart until he stops her with a hug and kiss.

AL 12: Allison’s grandparents, Hank and Helen, arrive and confirm they were Helga and Heinz before being found by Heinz’s mother and moving to the USA. They confirm that Stuart and Olga did more than play baseball when he visited and she, Allison, was the result.

Action: Allison jumps straddle-legged on a bewildered Stuart and repeatedly kisses each of his cheeks until he pulls her head straight in front of his, recognizes Olga in her, and sobs.

FR 12: Although Stuart offers to ask to be traded, Freida now wants to give San Francisco another try and hopes her new stepdaughter Allison will live with them and teach her how to get around the city.

Action: Out of habit, as she leans down toward Allison, she covers the pendant with her hand, then laughingly removes it.

AL 13: Allison says maybe she could live with Freida’s mother if she gets the job with the Berlin Philharmonic.

Action: Helen and Hank applaud that idea.

PJ 11: Surrounded by jubilation, Libby is still tense until she sees Zhores coming over a hill.

Action: She stretches her arms out, breaths heavily, and nods repeatedly, but she does not move toward him. When he finally reaches her, her outstretched arms embrace him and her lips lift to his.

CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrants’ cheers.

Action: When the group huggers begin a circular dance, Libby and Zhores break away holding hands, look into each other’s eyes, and smile.

The End

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s New Outline Beats

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that a beat sheet needs to be checked to make sure scenes develop logically and all advance the protagonist’s journey.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Codes for this assignment are PJ for Libby, FR for Freida, and AL for Allison. The antagonist is the travel industry making it difficult for the three to get to Berlin.

Genre: Drama/Suspense

ACT 1: Libby, Freida, and Allison get airplane seats together.

Libby’s flight from Honolulu and Freida’s from San Francisco arrived too late for their Berlin connection. Allison is buying her original ticket, having arrived at Chicago O’Hara by taxi.

PJ 1: Libby persuades Chicago O’Hara ticket agent of the vitalness for her to get to Berlin on the very day the Wall comes down to meet the Russian soldier she loved and lost when the Wall went up.

AL 1: Allison, with violin, pretends to be with Libby and buys her ticket with a credit card.

FR 1: Freida asks for the same flight to Paris, connecting to Berlin, gets it, and runs after Libby and Allison—all in a hurry to get to the gate in time.

AL 2: On the plane, Allison explains she has run away from Interlochen to keep an audition app’t with Claudio Abbado.

FR 2: Freida explains she is leaving San Francisco because she can’t live in a city that has earthquakes like the recent Loma Prieta quake she felt lucky to survive.

DEEPER LAYER: Freida is wearing a pendant she looted during the earthquake. She thinks it is one taken confiscated by the Nazis from her grandmother during World War II.

AL 3: Brushing away questions about herself, Allison urges Libby to tell how she met a Russian soldier in 1961, showing she knows the year the Wall went up.

PJ 2: Libby narrates as Young Libby’s story emerges In flashback.

Marilyn 1: At Shellenberg Park, Marilyn explains that Libby’s birth father, the Major, couldn’t have her visit until their recent marriage.

DEEPER LAYER : Libby resents having seen her father only four times and the infrequent postcards he sent. She’s also frightened to be in charge of 10-year-old Stephanie as Marilyn and the Major both go to work, but doesn’t say so.

FR 3: Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness, so unlike her hesitancy to get around in San Francisco, which she’s happy to be leaving.

Helga: Helga and her 10-year-old sister Sonja talk Libby into going with them to a department store to buy clothes and layer them on their bodies to sneak back to East Germany.

Heinz: Heinz, a VOPO guard and Helga’s boyfriend, waves them through the crossing point to the East. He is friend to a Russian soldier, Zhores, and Helga offers to fix Libby up with him for a double date.

PJ 3: Libby meets Herr and Frau Gohkle and finds out their concern about Sonja who is a Young Pioneer being programmed against her own family. They are happy with all the purchases smuggled in.

INCITING INCIDENT 1: Soldier comes to Helga’s home to take Libby and Allison back to the West.

Young Libby: Furious at the Major for having her followed, she tells Helga she’d like to go with Zhores on a double date.

AL 4: Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk in showing the Major her independence—exactly the kind of person she wants to be.

DEEPER LAYER: She actually wishes she didn’t have to make so many big decisions on her own, although she’s proud that her grandparents trust her so much.

TURNING POINT 1: The major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.

Zhores: Zhores fills Libby in on the politics of the war that caused Berlin to be split between the Americans and the Russians.

REVEAL 1: His 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, was killed, but not before one night of passion with his mother, without which he would not have been born.

REVEAL 2: AL 5: Allison says she hopes she was conceived with such passion, but her mother would not even reveal her father’s name. Her grandparents promised to tell her when she was old enough to understand.

REVEAL 3: FR 4: Freida says the sex talk makes her miss Stuart so much, and Libby hides her surprise that her son is also named Stuart, and married to a German girl named Freida.

ACT 2: PJ 4: Libby narrates Young Libby’s actions up until the Wall goes up and she helps sneak Helga and her family out of the West.

Heinz: Heinz tells Young Libby about his obsession to find his mother who left him as a newborn with a sorrowful note in a drawer outside an orphanage.

Helga: She’s concerned about Heinz drinking too much because he hates his vopo job.

REVEAL 4: FR 5: Freida says Stuart has something of an obsession about his mother, who has always neglected him and didn’t even come to their wedding.

DEEPER LAYER: Libby begins to compare her relationship to Stuart to the bad relationship she had with the Major before he proved his love for her.

TURNING POINT 2: Bells ring, cars honk, sirens sound as Sputnik passes above.

Zhores: Zhores talks about the high stakes between Russia and the USA.

REVEAL 5: AL 6: Allison recalls her grandparents telling her about Sputnik going over Berlin just a few days before the Wall went up.

Zhores: Zhores tells that his grandmother is a refusenik who wouldn’t let him be brainwashed by the communists. He wants to bring about change.

TURNING POINT 3: Young Libby and Zhores are on the lawn kissing when Heinz, very drunk and hating what he’s doing, helps another VOPO put up orange posts and barbed wire.

PJ 5: Libby explains that during several days it took to complete the Wall, she begged Zhores and Helga and her family to stay in the West while they had the chance.

Libby and Zhores stare sadly across the Wall at each other. The Major gets Zhores an ID card, which Libby tries to slip to him between flashes of a rotating spotlight, but he refuses to take it.

With Zhores on one side of the fence, and the Major on the other, they get Helga and her family out between between flashes, complicated at the end by Sonja’s screams.

The Major: The Major later helps Young Libby have one last meeting with Zhores—the meeting when their son Stuart was conceived. If Zhores left the East, his family in Moscow would be the ones to suffer. He must stay and help his grandmother documents the evils of communist rule.

REVEAL 6: FR 6: Helga’s devotion to her family and Zhores to his makes Freida miss Stuart more. She’s sorry she left only a note for him, with a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage. She’s sorry she ever thought poorly of him for making a living playing a child’s game.

PJ 6: Libby’s son Stuart is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants. She now knows what she suspected: She tells Freida she is Stuart’s neglectful mother.

REVEAL 7: FR7: Coaxed by Libby and Allison, Freida tells her pendant story and becomes convinced that she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and would not face jail time in the USA.

ACT 3: During the 6-hour Paris layover, the three go to the Louvre, miss their Berlin connection, and fly to Hamburg where they rent a car.

AL 7: Allison intends to take a taxi alone to the Louvre, but Libby won’t allow it.

PJ 7: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” and draws a crowd at the Louvre.

FR 8: Freida whisks them both from the Louvre to the curb outside.

PJ 8: Libby become discouraged when she can’t get a taxi to stop.

TURNING POINT 4: FR 9: Freida becomes a sexy provocateur and lures a driver to stop. Finding their seats to Berlin were given away, she comes up with the plan to fly to Hamburg and drive a car from there to Berlin.

PJ 9: Libby, knowing Freida thinks she neglected her son, begins the narration of about the trip they took together to visit Helga and Heinz in 1974. Heinz is elated that his American mother found him after all these years. Flashback shows young 15-year-old Stuart and 14-year-old Olga going to baseball games, playing catch, and having batting contest. Libby wonders if Helga and Heinz will remember their vow to meet Zhores and Libby this very day.

REVEAL 8: AL 8: Allison says that Libby’s trip was the year before she was born just two weeks after her grandparents and mother immigrated to the USA.

Her mother was only 14—too young to marry—and that’s why they didn’t tell her father about her birth.

FR 10: At Hamburg airport Freida calls her mother to let her know she’s going to get Libby to Shellenberg Park before she comes home.

DEEPER LAYER: Libby observes the kind of family devotion she hasn’t had with Stuart.

ACT 4: A Berliner drives them to the park and all three get what they want.

FR 11: Freida gives up on driving when they are stuck in traffic and pedestrian celebrants headed toward Brandenburg Gate.

AL 9: Allison jumps from the car, plays her violin while telling the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time. An admiring crowd blocks traffic and gives them an opening to get them to a back street. Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.

FR 12: Freida drives high speed as Allison gives directions and Libby closes her eyes and prays to get there in time. She prays for one last chance to be a good wife, mother, and maybe even grandmother—if Allison is right.

STUART 1: Told by Freida’s mother where she would be, Stuart is waiting at the park and surprised to see his mother Libby.

AL 10: Allison is surprised to see her grandparents, Hank and Helen, who were Helga and Heinz before being found by Heinz’s mother and moving to the USA. They confirm that Stuart and Olga did more than play baseball when he visited and she, Allison, was the result. She jumps onto a bewildered Stuart.

REVEAL 9: STUART 2: Stuart tells Freida the jewelry store proprietor was glad to see the picture of Freida wearing the pendant which he wanted her to have and especially happy with the picture of the two looters which led to their arrest.

FR 12: Although Stuart offers to ask to be traded, Freida now wants to give San Francisco another try and hopes her new stepdaughter Allison will live with them.

AL 11: Allison says if she gets the job with the Berlin Philharmonic, she’d like to live with Freida’s mother.

PJ 10: Surrounded by jubilation, Libby is still tense until she sees Zhores coming over a hill.

CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrants’ cheers.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1.

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that composing a beat sheet assures that reveals and turning points happen at the best possible moment in the script.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Codes for this assignment are PJ for Libby, FR for Freida, and AL for Allison. The antagonist is the travel industry making it difficult for the three to get to Berlin.

Genre: Drama/Suspense

ACT 1: Libby, Freida, and Allison get airplane seats together.

PJ 1: Libby persuades Chicago O’Hara ticket agent of the vitalness for her to get to Berlin on the very day the Wall comes down to meet the Russian soldier she loved and lost when the Wall went up.

AL 1: Allison, with violin, pretends to be with Libby and buys her ticket with a credit card.

FR 1: Freida asks Libby to help count out the right amount of cash.

AL 2: On the plane, Allison explains she has run away from Interlochen to keep an audition app’t with Claudio Abbado.

FR 2: Freida explains she is leaving San Francisco because of earthquakes.

DEEPER LAYER: Freida is wearing a looted pendant, taking it to her grandmother.

AL 3: Brushing away questions about herself, Allison urges Libby to tell how she met a Russian soldier in 1961, showing she knows about the Wall.

PJ 3: Libby narrates as Young Libby’s story emerges In flashback.

Marilyn 1: At Shellenberg Park, Marilyn explains that Libby’s birth father, the Major, couldn’t have her visit until their recent marriage.

DEEPER LAYER: Libby resents having seen her father only four times and the infrequent postcards he sent. She’s also frightened to be in charge of 10-year-old Stephanie as Marilyn and the Major both go to work, but doesn’t say so.

FR 3: Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness, so unlike her hesitancy to get around in San Francisco, which she’s happy to be leaving.

Helga: Helga and her 10-year-old sister Sonja talk Libby into going with them to a department store to buy clothes and layer them on their bodies to sneak back to East Germany.

Heinz: Heinz, a vopo guard and Helga’s boyfriend, waves them through the crossing point to the East. He is friend to a Russian soldier, Zhores, and Helga offers to fix Libby up with him for a double date.

INCITING INCIDENT 1: Soldier comes to Helga’s home to take Libby and Allison back to the West.

Young Libby: Furious at the Major for having her followed, she tells Helga she’d like to go with Zhores on a double date.

AL 4: Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk in showing the Major her independence—exactly the kind of person she wants to be.

DEEPER LAYER: She actually wishes she didn’t have to make so many big decisions on her own, although she’s proud that they trust her so much.

TURNING POINT 1: The major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.

Zhores: Zhores fills Libby in on the politics of the war that caused Berlin to be split between the Americans and the Russians. His 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, was killed, but not before one night of passion with his mother, without which he would not have been born.

REVEAL 1: AL 5: Allison says she hopes she was conceived with such passion, but her mother would not even reveal her father’s name. Her grandparents promised to tell her when she was old enough to understand.

REVEAL 2: FR 4: Freida says the sex talk makes her miss Stuart so much, and Libby hides her surprise that her son was also named Stuart, and married to a German girl named Freida.

ACT 2: PJ 4: Libby narrates Young Libby’s actions up until the Wall goes up and she helps sneak Helga and her family out of the West.

Heinz: Heinz tells Young Libby about his obsession to find his mother who left him as a newborn with a sorrowful note in a drawer outside an orphanage.

Helga: She’s concerned about Heinz drinking too much because he hates his vopo job.

REVEAL: FR 5: Freida says Stuart has something of an obsession about his mother, who has always neglected him and didn’t even come to their wedding.

TURNING POINT 2: Bells ring, cars honk, sirens sound as Sputnik passes above.

Zhores: Zhores talks about the high stakes between Russia and the USA.

REVEAL 3: AL 6: Allison recalls her grandparents telling her about Sputnik going over Berlin just a few days before the Wall went up.

Zhores: Zhores tells that his grandmother is a refusenik who wouldn’t let him be brainwashed by the communists. He wants to bring about change.

TURNING POINT 3: Young Libby and Zhores are on the lawn kissing when Heinz, very drunk and hating what he’s doing, helps another vopo put up orange posts and barbed wire.

PJ 5: Libby explains that during several days it took to complete the Wall, she begged Zhores and Helga and her family to stay in the West while they had the chance.

The Major: The Major helps in a risky plan to Helga and her family get out and later helps Young Libby have one last meeting with Zhores—the meeting that gave birth to their son Stuart.

REVEAL 4: FR 6: Helga’s devotion to her family makes Freida miss Stuart more. She’s sorry she left only a note for him, with a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage. She’s sorry she ever thought poorly of him for making a living playing a child’s game.

PJ 6: Libby’s son Stuart is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants. She now tells Freida that she’s her daughter-in-law.

REVEAL 5: FR7: Coaxed by Libby and Allison, Freida tells her pendant story and becomes convinced that she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and would not face jail time in the USA.

ACT 3: During the 6-hour Paris layover, the three go to the Louvre, miss their Berlin connection, and fly to Hamburg where they rent a car.

AL 7: Allison intends to take a taxi alone to the Louvre, but Libby won’t allow it.

PJ 7: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” and draws a crowd at the Louvre.

FR 8: Freida whisks them both from the Louvre to the curb outside.

PJ 8: Libby become discouraged when she can’t get a taxi to stop.

TURNING POINT 4: FR 9: Freida becomes a sexy provocateur and lures a driver to stop. Finding their seats to Berlin were given away, she comes up with the plan to fly to Hamburg and drive a car from there to Berlin.

PJ 9: Libby, knowing Freida thinks she neglected her son, begins the narration of about the trip they took together to visit Helga and Heinz in 1974. Heinz is elated that his American mother found him after all these years. Flashback shows young 15-year-old Stuart and 14-year-old Olga going to baseball games, playing catch, and having batting contest.

REVEAL 6: AL 8: Allison confides that her mother was only 14 when she was born in 1975, just two weeks after her grandparents and mother immigrated to the USA.

FR 10: At Hamburg airport Freida calls her mother to let her know she’s going to get Libby to Shellenberg Park before she comes home.

ACT 4: A Berliner drives them to the park and all three get what they want.

FR 11: Freida gives up on driving as they are stuck in traffic and pedestrian celebrants headed toward Brandenburg Gate.

AL 9: Allison jumps from the car, plays her violin while telling the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time. An admiring crowd blocks traffic and gives them an opening to get them to a back street. Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.

FR 12: Freida drives high speed as Allison gives directions and Libby closes her eyes and prays to get there in time.

STUART: Told by Freida’s mother where she would be, Stuart is waiting at the park and surprised to see his mother Libby.

AL 10: Allison is surprised to see her grandparents, Hank and Helen, who were Helga and Heinz before being found by Heinz’s mother and moving to the USA. They confirm that Stuart and Olga did more than play baseball when he visited and she, Allison, was the result. She jumps onto a bewildered Stuart.

REVEAL 7: STUART: Stuart tells Freida the jewelry store proprietor was glad to see the picture of Freida wearing the pendant which he wanted her to have and especially happy with the picture of the two looters which led to their arrest.

FR 12: Although Stuart offers to ask to be traded, Freida now wants to give San Francisco another try and hopes her new stepdaughter Allison will live with them.

AL 11: Allison says if she gets the job with the Berlin Philharmonic, she’d like to live with Freida’s mother.

PJ 10: Surrounded by jubilation, Libby is still tense until she sees Zhores coming over a hill.

CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrants’ cheers.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Deeper Layers

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that a story beneath a story keeps the entire story from being told simply on the surface.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Surface Layer: Freida is running away from her husband because he can’t leave San Francisco and she’s scared to live there after the earthquake.

Deeper Layer: She felt she had either to leave America or turn herself into police for what she’d done in a jewelry store when the earthquake started. She had been starting to take a picture of herself trying on a vintage pendant which looked like the one confiscated by the Nazis from her grandmother during World War II. In the chaos of the quake, she couldn’t remove it without dropping her husband’s expensive camera. She was guilt-ridden about leaving it on, but couldn’t quell her desire to return it to her grandmother, which she’s now doing.

Major Reveal: When Young Libby’s story touches on the politics of the cold war, Freida will compare the era to World War II and Libby and Allison will coax the truth from her.

Influences Surface Story: Libby and Allison’s understanding of her thievery and her mixed-up logic that led her to leave the USA gives Freida a new confidence. Thus, she’s able to take over and get them to Berlin when Libby seems at a loss in Paris.

Hints: Whatever happens, Freida is always protective of the pendant.

Changes Reality: Libby stops being judgmental of Freida for leaving her husband, Libby’s son, and uses her good business brain to help Freida see that leaving the USA was the wrong thing to do.

Beginning: Waiting behind Libby at Chicago O’Hara’s ticket line, Freida is nervous and glad to follow Libby’s lead for getting a ticket for Paris, connecting to Berlin.

Inciting Incident: She compares her hesitancy getting around in San Francisco to Young Libby’s boldness in Berlin, so maybe the earthquake is not the only reason she left.

Turning Point 1: She reveals that her husband, instead of having a regular job, makes money playing baseball—a child’s game. Libby hides surprise, knowing that her son Stuart, San Francisco Giant’s first baseman, recently married a German girl named Freida.

Act 2:

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: She criticizes her husband’s mother for being too busy to come to their wedding, and Libby tells her she’s that mother-in-law. The truth about the pendant comes out with Libby and Allison’s coaxing.

Act 3:

Turning Point 3: Freida reveals that she left only a note and to let her husband know she was returning to Berlin, and she didn’t tell him about the pendant. She paper clipped the note to a receipt for picking up the pictures being developed of the before and after pictures she took of their earthquake damaged apartment.

Act 4 Climax: Freida takes over to get them from Paris to Hamburg by plane and from Hamburg to Berlin by rented car.

Resolution: Her husband and Libby’s son Stuart awaits her at Shellenberg Park, forgiving her for running away and telling her the jewelry store proprietor was so glad to see the picture of her wearing the pendant, which he was intending to give to her anyway. But he was happiest with the picture of the two looters, which led to their arrest and the recovery of most of what they’d stolen.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Character Journey Structure

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it is difficult to fit the twists and turns of character structure in a Dramatic Triangle, especially when two of the three are not involved in the story being told in flashback.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic Triangle

Libby:

Her arc: On her way to meet Zhores, Libby finally acknowledges that her happy career woman facade has been to cover up her lack of meaningful relationships that she truly desires.

Act 1. The Berlin Wall is coming down, and Libby is trying to keep her promise to Zhores and meet him on the way it comes down at Berlin’s Shellenberg Park .

Beginning: Missing her flight connection to Berlin at Chicago’s O’hara Airport, and finding no more that evening, Libby’s plea to the ticket agent begins very business-like and becomes emotional as she reveals the urgency of meeting her long lost love at the spot and time they agreed upon when the wall separated them in 1961. She gets a flight to Paris connecting to Berlin, and Freida and Allison get seats with her and urge her to tell how she fell in love with a Russian soldier.

Inciting Incident: In flashback, Young Libby resents her father the Major for having her followed around Berlin.

Turning Point 1: The Major interrogates Zhores, but allows Young Libby to go out with him.

Act 2: Young Libby and Zhores double date with Helga and Heinz and discover that Heinz is an orphan desperate to discover his heritage and a VoPo who hates his Checkpoint Charlie duties. On this date Sputnik passes overhead. Zhores’ political seriousness gives Young Libby a new perspective.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: On another double date, they are about to go their separate ways when the Wall starts going up.

Act 3: Zhores on one side of the wall and Libby on the other succeed in getting Helga and her family out of the East.

Turning Point 3: As an American officers with privileges of going back and forth between the East and the West, the Major takes Libby to the East for her last meeting with Zhores. They make their pledge to meet the day the Wall comes down and seal their promise with their first sexual encounter, even as the Major guards against their discovery.

Back in the present, after hearing Allison’s violin recital at the Louve, Libby recognizes that her career obsession prevented her from having a daughter and family as loving as Allison reports hers to be. Distressed, Libby allows Freida to take charge when they can’t get a cab from the Louvre and miss their plane to Berlin.

Act 4 Climax: Libby has a touching moment with her son Stuart who came to Shellenberg Park for Freida and is surprised to also find his mother. Helga and Heinz, now known as Helen and Hank, confirm that Stuart is Allison’s father, making her Libby’s granddaughter.

Resolution: After many suspenseful moments, Zhores arrives just in time to be introduced to his family and to be part of a supreme kiss and group squeeze before midnight.

Freida:

Her arc: Scared by the Oct. 17, 1989 earthquake, Freida is leaving her beloved husband who can’t move from San Francisco, but by the time she reaches Berlin, she hopes he’ll take her back. She starts out timid and confused, but ends up bold and clearheaded.

Beginning: Waiting behind Libby at Chicago O’Hara’s ticket line, Freida is nervous and glad to follow Libby’s lead for getting a ticket for Paris, connecting to Berlin.

Inciting Incident: She compares her hesitancy getting around in San Francisco to Young Libby’s boldness in Berlin, so maybe the earthquake is not the only reason she left.

Turning Point 1: She reveals that her husband, instead of having a regular job, makes money playing baseball—a child’s game. Libby hides surprise.

Act 2:

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: She criticizes her husband’s mother for being too busy to come to their wedding.

Act 3:

Turning Point 3: Freida reveals that she left a note to let her husband know she was returning to Berlin.

Act 4 Climax: Freida takes over to get them from Paris to Hamburg by plane and from Hamburg to Berlin by rented car.

Resolution: Her husband and Libby’s son Stuart awaits her at Shellenberg Park, forgiving her for running away.

Allison:

Her arc: She goes from having to make all her decisions alone to having a complete family to help her.

Beginning: She sticks close to Libby, following her lead to get to Berlin in time for her audition with

Inciting Incident: She reveals that her grandparents were in Berlin when the Wall went up.

Turning Point 1: Allison identifies with Young Libby’s boldness in Berlin and also wants her birth father—if she ever meets him—to find her a very independent gal.

Act 2:

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Allison’s evaluation of the way Freida left her husband shows a maturity beyond her age.

Act 3:

Turning Point 3: Allison plays “Mona Lisa” in front of the actual painting at the Louvre.

Act 4 Climax: When stuck in traffic and throngs of celebrants, Allison saves the day by persuading a Berliner to drive them the back way to Shellenberg Park.

Resolution: She discovers she actually has the family tree she hoped she had.

[Lenore]

Lloyd, Seems to me you have it all thought out beautifully. I think you forgot to put the widow’s name right before her arc–confused me at first. Keep up the good work! Lenore

[Lenore]

WIM Module 3, Lesson 8

Lenore Bechtel’s Supporting Characters

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that supporting characters must be required in multiple scenes to make the lead character’s journey happen, as opposed to background characters who have few if any lines.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS (all in flashback).

YOUNG LIBBY ENGEL

Role: to establish Libby’s independent spirit at age 20.

Main purpose: to show how she was in Berlin and fell in love with a Russian soldier

Value: Libby’s present journey would not be possible without Young Libby’s story.

MARILYN ENGEL

Role: The Major’s new wife, without whom Young Libby could never have been invited to Berlin.

Main purpose: To change Young Libby’s opinion of the Major from the birth father who sent money and an occasional postcard to the birth father who truly cares about his daughter.

Value: Young Libby will learn the value of family the way the older Libby must re-learn it on her present journey.

MAJOR STUART ENGEL

Role: to help establish the political tension that caused the Russians to put up the Berlin Wall.

Main purpose: to show Young Libby how much a father will do to earn a daughter’s love

Value: Libby will later realize she neglected her own son the very way she resented the Major neglecting her.

STEPHANIE ENGEL

Role: Marilyn’s 10-year-old daughter adopted by the Major

Main purpose: to give Young Libby a reason for being at Schulenberg Park babysitting her

Value: Her contact to Sonja Gohkle demonstrates how West Berliner children were indoctrinated to admire Russian rule.

HELGA GOHKLE

Role: to befriend Young Libby and introduce her to Zhores

Main purpose: to show the hopelessness of being under Russian occupation

Value: to be the grown-up friend that the older Libby later visits with her 15-year-old son

SONJA GOHKLE

Role: Helga’s 10-year-old sister who marches with the children’s troupe

Main purpose: to demonstrate the harm done to indoctrinated children

Value: to show how the Russian regime turned children against parents

ZHORES BUKOVSKY

Role: Russian soldier who broke rules to fraternize in East Berlin

Main purpose: to fall in love with Young Libby and make a promise to meet her at Schulenberg Park on the day the Wall came down

Value: He is the story’s main suspense. After the older Libby has overcome many obstacles to make it to the park on time, will he show up?

HEINZ MARX

Role: Helga’s boyfriend who will never be at peace until he finds the mother who left him on a church’s porch when he was a newborn baby.

Main purpose: to have the mother, an heiress, find him years later and bring him and his wife and pregnant daughter to the USA

Value: Allison figures out that he and her grandmother, Hank and Helen, are the Heinz and Helga in Young Libby’s story.

BACKGROUND CHARACTERS:

Ticket agent in Chicago

Flight attendant

Louvre guard

Cab driver

Ticket agent in Paris

Car rental agent in Hamburg

Celebrants in Berlin

One particular celebrant who gets them to Schulenberg Park

Helen and Hank—the older Helga and Heinz

The older Stuart Miller

The older Zhores Bukovsky

BACKGROUND CHARACTERS IN FLASHBACK:

Many Vopos (police)

Department store cashier

Frau Gohkle

Herr Gohkle

[Lenore]

WIM Module 3, Lesson 7

Lenore Bechtel’s Character Profiles Part 2

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that thinking out a well-rounded character takes time and brainstorming. But I think now that I’ve done this for the three characters in my dramatic triangle, writing their actions and dialogue and keeping them very distinct from each other will be an easier task.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic Triangle

Libby:

Her high concept: Overcoming obstacles on her way to meet Zhores, Libby finally acknowledges what she’s missed by devoting her life to the successful career she’s so proud to have accomplished.

Her journey: The nostalgia of telling her seat mates how she fell in love with a Russian soldier begets thoughts of what she’s missed and the need to pursue relationships as avidly as she pursued her career.

Actor attractors: Her monologue in the first scene will run a gamut of emotions showing off acting skills and establishing her role as the star throughout the script.

Role in the story: She must overcome obstacles to get to the meeting place on the day and the place she and Zhores had agreed they would meet when the Wall came down.

Age range and description: Libby is an attractive, dignified, tastefully-attired 48-year-old professional whose confident demeanor inspires trust.

Core traits: Intelligent, sympathetic, tolerant, honest, gracious

Motivation; Want/Need: to reunite with the only true love she’s had in her life

Wound: feeling she was wrong to neglect her son Stuart who was adopted by her parents

Likability, relatability, empathy: Viewers will admire her for embracing Freida’s and Allison’s needs, will re-experience their first loves as Young Libby falls in love with Zhores, and will root for Zhores to show up and give her the lasting love relationship she yearns for.

Subtext; She secretly fears she has personality flaws that drove would-be lovers away from her.

Intrigue: Her unspoken wound is that her stepfather never adopted her to give her his last name, but he and her mother adopted Stuart, giving him a last name different from her own.

Flaw: Until this very journey, she’s been quite happy acting like Stuart’s big sister rather than his mother.

Values: She’s always been highly moral, but she’s valued money, success, and material things more than loving relationships.

Dilemma: What of her career and her material things is she willing to give up to be a wife, mother, and grandmother?

Freida:

Her high concept: Scared by the recent earthquake, she is leaving her beloved husband who can’t move from San Francisco, but by the time she reaches Berlin, she regrets leaving him and hopes to win him back.

Her journey: She starts out timid and confused, but ends up bold and clearheaded.

Actor attractors: The opportunity to show off acting skills by speaking English with a distinct German accent and changing from a timid, fearful, runaway bride of an American professional baseball player into a sexy seductress (when needed) and a braver wife determined to save her marriage.

Role in the story: She’s the catalyst that causes Libby to recognize how much she’s neglected her son. Her ingenuity gets them from Paris to Berlin when Libby is unable to do so.

Age range and description: In her mid-twenties, she’s timid and self-conscious about having a very sexy physique, not hidden by her attempt to dress conservatively.

Core traits: kind, timid, judgmental, resilient

Motivation; Want/Need: She wants to be reunited with her husband and needs to know she’ll be safe in the USA for that to happen.

Wound: her inability to put the earthquake behind her and move on with her life, plus a true fear of robbers who promised to kill her if she gave their descriptions to police.

Likability, relatability, empathy: Viewers will sympathize with her fear of earthquakes, admire her when her timidity transforms to bravery in Paris, and admire her more when she realizes she was wrong to leave her husband.

Subtext; She is hiding the real reason she left the USA.

Intrigue: She was bent over in a jewelry store taking a picture of an antique pendant on a bottom shelf, thinking it was identical to one confiscated from her grandmother by the Nazis. She dropped to the floor when two thugs rushed in, knocked out the proprietor, took his key and unlocked display cases. When they discovered her, she pretended to speak only German, but she understood their English well. They promised to kill her if she gave their descriptions to police.

Flaw: She underestimates herself. Also, she lacks tact—often speaking too honestly.

Values: She’s highly moral and is still ashamed that when the robbers were loading their loot, she was tempted to take the pendant, knowing they’d be blamed.

Dilemma: She truly hated to leave her husband, but was afraid the thugs would kill her for giving their picture to the police. She hadn’t even known she’d snapped their picture until she got the roll developed days later and took the picture to the proprietor who took it to the police.

Allison:

Her high concept: She wants to play violin in front of the Mona Lisa at the Louvre and go on to win a seat in the Berlin Philharmonic.

Her journey: She starts out as a competent child prodigy dependent upon no one and ends up needing and getting her birth father Stuart, stepmother Freida, and grandmother Libby.

Actor attractors: She’s the one that figures out her relationship to the two travelers she’s seated with.

Role in the story: Her dialogue will reveal the possibility of Helga and Heinz in Young Libby’s story possibly being her grandparents Helen and Hank, and also the possibility the Libby’s son Stuart might have been the 15-year-old American who impregnated her 14-year-old mother in the year before she was born.

Age range and description: She’s a 12-year-old child prodigy who excels in violin and speaks both English and German.

Core traits: smart, confident, insightful, humble

Motivation; Want/Need: She wishes she could live with family members who would support her musical ambitions so she would not have to pursue them alone.

Wound: Her grandparents will not reveal her birth father’s name until she is old enough to understand why they never told him when her mother got pregnant.

Likability, relatability, empathy: Viewers will love this child prodigy who’s humble enough never to flaunt her exceptionalism and they will understand her underlying need to be like a normal child. When she gives her monologue stating what she hopes is her family tree she never knew about, viewers will want it for her—and for Libby and Freida.

Subtext; She withholds information that might have started Libby thinking about the possibility that her grandparents were Helga and Heinz who changed their names to Helen and Hank when they moved to America.

Intrigue: She uses an American Express credit card while Libby uses traveler’s checks and Freida uses cash.

Flaw: She doesn’t hesitate to correct adults when she knows they’re wrong.

Values: She’s determined to be her best and expects to win fame as a violinist, making her family proud.

Dilemma: She vacillates between being a curious 12-year-old interested in learning from others to an overly insightful prodigy eager to set others straight.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 3, Lesson 6

Lenore Bechtel’s Character Profiles Part 1

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that character profiles should be written in advance of writing the script, and the profiles must give the characters traits that will honor the high concept. Doing so will help them be the perfect characters and help to make their dialogue and action power the concept.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic Triangle

Libby:

Her high concept: Overcoming obstacles on her way to meet Zhores, Libby finally acknowledges what she’s missed by devoting her life to the successful career she’s so proud to have accomplished.

Her journey: The nostalgia of telling her seat mates how she fell in love with a Russian soldier begets thoughts of what she’s missed and the need to pursue relationships as avidly as she pursued her career.

Actor attractors: Her monologue in the first scene will run a gamut of emotions showing off acting skills and establishing her role as the star throughout the script.

Role in the story: She must overcome obstacles to get to the meeting place on the day and the place she and Zhores had agreed they would meet when the Wall came down.

Age range and description: Libby is an attractive, dignified, tastefully-attired 48-year-old professional whose confident demeanor inspires trust.

Core traits: Intelligent, sympathetic, tolerant, honest, gracious

Motivation; Want/Need: to reunite with the only true love she’s had in her life

Wound: feeling she was wrong to neglect her son who was adopted by her parents

Likability, relatability, empathy: Viewers will admire her for embracing Freida’s and Allison’s needs, will re-experience their first loves as she falls in love with Zhores, and will root for Zhores to show up and give her the lasting love relationship she yearns for.

Freida:

Her high concept: Scared by the recent earthquake, she is leaving her beloved husband who can’t move from San Francisco, but by the time she reaches Berlin, she regrets leaving him and hopes to win him back.

Her journey: She starts out timid and confused, but ends up bold and clearheaded.

Actor attractors: The opportunity to show off acting skills by speaking English with a distinct German accent and changing from a timid, fearful, runaway bride of an American professional baseball player into a sexy seductress (when needed) and a braver wife determined to save her marriage.

Role in the story: She’s the catalyst that causes Libby to recognize how much she’s neglected her son. Her ingenuity gets them from Paris to Berlin when Libby is unable to do so.

Age range and description: In her mid-twenties, she’s timid and self-conscious about having a very sexy physique, not hidden by her attempt to dress conservatively.

Core traits: kind, timid, judgmental, resilient

Motivation; Want/Need: She wants to be reunited with her husband and needs to change her attitude toward the USA for that to happen.

Wound: her inability to put the earthquake behind her and move on with her life, plus an intrigue I have not yet decided upon.

Likability, relatability, empathy: Viewers will sympathize with her fear of earthquakes, admire her when her timidity transforms to bravery in Paris, and admire her more when she realizes she was wrong to leave her husband.

Allison:

Her high concept: She wants to play violin in front of the Mona Lisa at the Louvre and go on to win a seat in the Berlin Philharmonic.

Her journey: She starts out as a competent child prodigy dependent upon no one and ends up needing and getting her birth father Stuart, stepmother Freida, and grandmother Libby.

Actor attractors: She’s the one that figures out her relationship to the two travelers she’s seated with.

Role in the story: Her dialogue will reveal the possibility of Helga and Heinz in Young Libby’s story possibly being her grandparents Helen and Hank, and also the possibility the Libby’s son Stuart might have been the 15-year-old American who impregnated her 14-year-old mother in the year before she was born.

Age range and description: She’s a 12-year-old child prodigy who excels in violin and speaks both English and German.

Core traits: smart, confident, insightful, humble

Motivation; Want/Need: She wishes she could live with family members who would support her musical ambitions so she would not have to pursue them alone.

Wound: Her grandparents will not reveal her birth father’s name until she is old enough to understand why they never told him when her mother got pregnant.

Likability, relatability, empathy: Viewers will love this child prodigy who’s humble enough never to flaunt her exceptionalism and they will understand her underlying need to be like a normal child. When she gives her monologue stating what she hopes is her family tree she never knew about, viewers will want it for her—and for Libby and Freida.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 3, Lesson 4

Lenore Bechtel’s Character Intrigue

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is perfectly good characters are not as interesting as ones who have some intrigue like a hidden agenda, a conspiracy, a secret, a deception, or an unspoken wound.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic Triangle

LIBBY: Her secret and unspoken wound is that in the past 28 years, many men with whom she wanted to have a relationship dumped her. If Zhores doesn’t keep his promise, she might never have a mate to grow old with.

She might act as if she feels superior to men, and her dialogue might be denigrating toward men. Her secret could be hinted at in her comments about Freida leaving Stuart. The only man she left was Zhores. All since then left her.

I think I don’t want to add this dimension to this character, but am exploring possibilities for this assignment.

FREIDA: This is the character who could easily have a hidden secret. She could be fleeing the USA, using earthquakes as an excuse when she’s truly running away for another reason.

Maybe during the earthquake she was in a jewelry store, recognized a pendant as one seized from her grandmother during the holocaust, and stole it. She might be wearing the pendant and covering it with her hand in each running scene.

Or maybe she passed up an opportunity to save her husband’s beloved dog during the earthquake, is secretly glad it didn’t survive, and would rather leave than cope with his grief. So she might shrink into herself at the very sight or mention of a dog.

Or maybe I can think of something much better that happened to her after the Loma Pieta earthquake on Oct. 17, 1989 and the days this movie takes place, November 9 and 10, 1989.

ALLISON: Her secret and unspoken wound is already spelled out as her subtext identity. She’s a self-assured child prodigy who underneath her independent bravado would like to have a life like other children her age.

Her feeling will be hinted at in her comments about many episodes of Young Libby’s story. Her glances at children with parents before and after her violin solo at the Louvre will show her envy. When Freida calls her mother from Hamburg, she’ll wish she were closer to her own mother who had her when she was fourteen. In her monologue which details the family she’s figured out she has, but doesn’t yet know she’s figured it correctly, her yearning to be a normal part in a normal family will become obvious.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 3, Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy.

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is three endearing qualities characters must have to make viewers identify with them and root for their success: likability, relatability, and empathy.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Dramatic Triangle

LIBBY:

Likablity: She is gracious about letting Freida and Allison tag along with her and the flight arrangements she makes at Chicago O’hara Airport after her flight from Honolulu runs late and misses her connection to Berlin.

Relatability: Viewers will re-experience first loves as they watch Young Libby falling in love with Zhores.

Empathy: Viewers will feel sad that in 28 years Libby never had a lasting love relationship, and they’ll long for Zhores to show up in Schulenberg Park on the day the Wall comes down—as he and Libby had promised each other.

FREIDA:

Likablity: Viewers might find Freida too meek and selfish at first, but as steps beyond her pity-me attitude and takes the initiative to get Libby to Berlin on time, she’ll become completely likable.

Relatability: Everyone has had something they’d like to run away from and will relate to Freida’s fear of earthquakes.

Empathy: Anyone who’s experienced feeling like a total outsider will empathize with Freida and hope her husband takes her back so she can give the USA a second chance.

ALLISON:

Likablity: Viewers will love her from the start. A 12-year-old smart enough to get an audition with the Berlin Philharmonic, make her way from a rural private school to Chicago to book a flight, have guardian grandparents who trust her enough to give her own credit card, and humble enough never to flaunt her child prodigy status. Who wouldn’t love this gal?

Relatability: Viewers will begin to relate to her more and more as they begin to realize the lonesomeness of her life and her underlying need to be like a normal child.

Empathy: When she gives her monologue stating what she hopes is her family tree she never knew about, viewers will want it for her—and for Libby and Freida.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 3, Lesson 3

Lenore Bechtel’s Subtext Characters

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is even very good characters must have some subtext—something they’re hiding—and the easiest way to do this is to give them covert character traits that are part of their behavior throughout the script.

With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:

Movie Title: Hot Pursuit

Character Name: Rose Cooper played by Reese Witherspoon

Subtext Identity: A by-the-rule policewoman who’s self-conscious about her small stature, is regretful about past cases she botched, and sad at her inability to maintain a male-female relationship.

Subtext Trait: Quotes numbers and rules verbatim, exudes bravery

Subtext Logline: Trying to solve an important case and regain respectability as a policewoman, Cooper must take ridiculous risks to solve an important case.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Every moment of this movie!

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

LIBBY:

Subtext identity: A successful doctor who regrets neglecting her out-of-wedlock son as he was being raised by her parents

Subtext traits: avoiding family talk, commending independence

Subtext logline: Thinking about Zhores on her way to meet him, she regrets having so little to tell him about their son Stuart.

Possible areas for subtext: Flashbacks to her relationship with the Major,

Helga’s devotion to her parents, Heinz’s search for his heritage, Libby’s telling about taking her son on yearly vacations.

FREIDA:

Subtext identity: A German married to an American and unable to adjust to life in the USA

Subtext traits: subtle criticisms of American way of life

Subtext logline: Running away from husband after being frightened by an earthquake, she’s reluctant to admit she made little effort to adjust to his way of life.

Possible areas for subtext: When she’s telling her own story about why she ran away. When she can’t identify with Young Libby’s bravery in going into East Berlin, but understanding her never considering staying in the East with Zhores. When she becomes bold enough to take charge and get them out of Paris.

ALLISON:

Subtext identity: A self-assured child prodigy who underneath her independent bravado envies children who live with people who love them and help them make decisions.

Subtext traits: praising family togetherness in Young Libby’s story

Subtext logline: Going to Berlin for an audition without notifying her grandparents, she too aware that her own mother wouldn’t care and that her own father doesn’t even know she exists.

Possible areas for subtext: Commenting on many episodes of Young Libby’s story. After her violin solo at the Louvre. When Freida calls her mother from Hamburg. But especially in her monologue which details the family she’s figured out she has, but doesn’t yet know she’s figured it correctly.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 3, Lesson 2

Lenore Bechtel’s Actor Attractors

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is it’s wise to look for ways to incorporate actor attractors for my script’s major characters.

Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle

Protagonist: 48-year-old Libby

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Her monologue in the first scene runs a gamut of emotions showing off acting skills and leaving the audience with no doubt about her urgency to get to Berlin on the very day the Wall comes down.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Her narrations lead to flashbacks of Young Libby’s story of falling in love to a Russian soldier right before the Wall went up in 1961, so she’s the in-charge person during the entire over-the-Atlantic flight.

What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Young Libby’s story demonstrates the characteristics Libby still has: the spunk to defy the Major—the dad she misjudges—but the humility to come to realize he loves and trusts her, and she loves and trusts him.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Her opening monologue that persuades a ticket agent to keep searching and searching for any way to get her to Europe should be attractive to late 40ish actresses like Kate Winslet, Angelina Jolie, and Reese Witherspoon.

What could be this character’s emotional range? What subtext can the actor play?

Hidden within the competent doctor who’s devoted her life to building a hugely successful career is a remorseful woman who knows she should have given her son more attention as he was being raised by her parents.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Her love for Zhores which was so astounding that no man came close to matching it in 28 years.

Her relationship with Helga and Heinz, whom Young Libby met in 1961, and the older Libby was still in touch with in 1977 when she took her son Stuart to Germany to meet them.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

She comes across as a confident, self-assured person, smart enough to know when and how to manipulate others when needed. She immediately wins the trust of two strangers—Freida and Allison—who book flights with her for Paris, when direct-to-Berlin tickets were impossible to get.

What could make this character special and unique?

Carrying a crush for a first love is unique and will be even more so if Zhores keeps the promise they made to meet at Schulenberg Park on the day the Wall came down. When they made that promise, they thought the Wall would be down in weeks or months—not 28 years.

Learning Freida is her son’s runaway bride, Libby shows a special side for being willing to articulate her misgivings and sorrow about the way she asked her parents to adopt Stuart so he wouldn’t interfere with her life. She knows Stuart would be right to resent her as she had resented her birth father, the Major.

Triangle Character: 25-year-old Freida

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

The opportunity to show off acting skills by speaking English with a distinct German accent and changing from a timid, fearful, runaway bride of an American professional baseball player into a sexy seductress (when needed) and a braver wife determined to save her marriage.

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Her ability to take charge when she, Libby, and Allison lose their flight from Paris to Berlin.

What are the most interesting actions she could take in the script?

Revealing how hurt Stuart sometimes was by lack of his mother’s interest—not knowing his mother is Libby herself.

Becoming a sexy seductress to lure a taxi driver to stop and get them to the Paris airport.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

As an opportunity to make it as a role to be known for, starting with her monologue when she comes up with a plan to get them from Paris to Berlin.

What could be this character’s emotional range? What subtext can the actor play?

Though she says she’s running away because of San Francisco’s recent earthquake, she truly hasn’t adjusted to being a foreigner living in America.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

Her love for Stuart rivals what Libby has had for Zhores for 28 years. Once all identities are known, the audience realizes she and Libby will not only be mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but very close friends.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

With a German accent delivering great dialogue. (I hope!).

What could make this character special and unique?

Her naivety turning into sincere acceptance without shattering her self esteem.

Triangle Character: 12-year-old Allison

What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

She’s a child prodigy whose violin performance tape won her an audition with the Berlin Philharmonic’s maestro. She had run away from private school to keep that audition appointment. What 12-year-old actress wouldn’t want this role?

What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Her comments on Freida’s running away from her husband and on Libby’s story of falling in love with Zhores are wise beyond her years.

What are the most interesting actions she could take in the script?

Many! But the one that will bring tears to the audience’s eyes is when she draws a crowd in the Louvre as she plays “Mona Lisa” in front of the actual portrait.

How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Point them to her monologue when she commandeers a celebrating Berliner to drive their rental car through the back streets to Schulenberg Park.

What could be this character’s emotional range? What subtext can the actor play?

Opportunities for a wide range of emotions, but her main emotion is cool and confident.

What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

The one she figures out herself by putting together bits of Libby’s story. Zhores’ grandfather was a famous Russian cellist. Stuart if Zhores’ son. Stuart and Libby visited their friends Helga and Heinz the year before her grandparents moved to the USA so their 14-year-old daughter (her mother) could give birth to an American (herself). She knew her grandparents changed their names. Were they Helga and Heinz before they became Helen and Hank? It’s logical to Allison that her musical skill was inherited from her great-great grandfather and that Stuart is her father.

How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Charming dialogue. (I hope!).

What could make this character special and unique?

Her bravery to undertake an overseas trip without even notifying her grandparents. Her ability to figure out the truth about her relationship to Libby and the lover she was on her way to meet.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 3, Lesson 1

Lenore Bechtel’s Actor Attractors for Hot Pursuit

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the many things needed to make a character good enough to attract a name actor to the role.

Example Movie Title: Hot Pursuit

Lead Character name: Rose Cooper played by Reese Witherspoon

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Because Rose Cooper is inept, funny, and lovable from the start and sure to be remembered as one of Reese’s most memorable roles.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

She knows and quotes appropriate rules from the police manual not only word for word, but number by number. She’s so well known for her poor judgment that “to be coopered” has become part of police vocabulary.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

She always commandeers whatever she needs—cars, clothes, disguises.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

The opening scene has her chasing a guy because he left her on a first date. We find out after she catches him, that he ran because she pulled a gun on him when he said he was leaving. She says she pulled the gun and said she deserved a second date as a joke

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Everywhere. Serious, conflicted, smart, devious, playful, cagey, stupid, sexy.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

She’s not as confident as her bravado indicates, and she regrets she has trouble with relationships, whether professional or personal.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

Her relationship with the female character she’s trying to save alternates from scorn to admiration to disgust to almost love.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Outstanding dialogue—almost all a bit unique. Physical comedy—almost to the point of slapstick.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Her spunky determination to complete her assignment, no matter the obstacles.

10. A scene that shows many actor attractors is when she’s impressed that an escaped felon whom she’s commandeered to help her admires her intensity. After giving him specific orders of what he must do, she lip-kisses him and her change from a by-the-rules, get-the-job-done cop to a more casual, smell-the-roses, sexual human starts.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 2, Lesson 6

Lenore Bechtel’s Genre Conventions

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that audience expectations can be met by deliberately writing genre conventions into a script. Also, making these conventions obvious increases the chances of a script getting a producer’s attention.

Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Genre: Drama/Suspense

Drama Conventions:

EMOTIONAL AND INTERPERSONAL HIGH STAKES

CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES

CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED SITUATIONS

REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS

Suspense Conventions:

A state of uncertainty or excitement regarding a specific outcome

Clear stakes

Crucial timing

Feelings of anxiousness and anticipation

Engaging to the audience

Satisfying pay off

Act 1: 25 to 30 pages. Set up and see old ways.

Opening: Libby’s monologue to the ticket agent who says mechanical problems have cancelled her flight to Berlin results in the agent booking her to Paris and connecting to Berlin where the Wall is expected to come down soon. Her monologue states her high stakes and the crucial timing needed. With no way to get on a direct flight to Berlin, the compromise flight to Paris first is so tightly timed as to causes anxiousness for both her and the audience.

Sticking with Libby and her urgency are 27-year-old Freida and 12-year old-Allison who always holds her violin. They hear Libby’s spiel to the ticket agent, get seats with her on the same flight, and are eager to hear how she met the Russian soldier she now is flying to meet as she promised she would do when the Wall went up. By now, the audience should also be wondering how a daughter of an American major in West Berlin ever got involved with a Russian soldier who was strictly forbidden to leave East Berlin. They might also wonder why Libby hid her surprise at finding that the husband Freida is running away from is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants. Intrigue! <div>

Inciting Incident told in flashback: Her birth father, the Major, has a soldier watch her as Young Libby spends time at Schulenberg Park with her half-sister Stephanie. Young Libby fakes being very at ease with her child-sitting responsibility in an unfamiliar city, but the audience will know she’s truly uneasy, and the audience will be apprehensive for her. They meet Helga and Sonja and go with them to their East Berlin home. Young Libby and Stephanie agree to layer clothes on their bodies to sneak them to her family in the East, treating the audience to a challenging, fearful situation. What might happen to them if the VoPo crossing into the East stopped them for questioning? However, they make it across the border, but trouble comes later when a soldier barges into Helga’s home take Young Libby and Stephanie back to the West. To defy the major who had her followed, Young Libby lets Helga fix her up with Zhores. The interpersonal stakes between father and daughter are now obvious, and viewers might be divided into those agreeing the major did right and others thinking Young Libby is right to defy him.

Turning Point in flashback: After the Major interrogates Zhores, Young Libby is allowed to date him. Zhores and Young Libby’s amusement at the rules the Major insists they follow should have the audience rooting for a second date and more. Many scenes will show Zhores’ idealism and Libby’s growing maturity, plus her growing respect for the Major.

Act 2: 20 to 30 pages . Challenge the old ways

New plan: On the airplane, Libby’s judgmental attitude softens toward Freida, who is running away from the husband she loves because after experiencing the recent San Francisco earthquake, she can no longer live there. The audience will sympathize with Freida’s fear-driven journey that she doesn’t truly want to take. Allison’s evaluation of the situation reveals a maturity beyond her age, and the audience should be in suspense about how a 12-year-old has such confidence that her grandparents will understand why she ran away from private school to go for an audition for the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra. </div>

Plan in action in flashback: Young Libby sympathizes with Helga’s boyfriend Heinz, an orphan desperate to discover his heritage and a VoPo who dislikes his Checkpoint Charlie duties. Heinz’s story of being left as a baby at an orphanage and doing things as a VoPo he’d rather not do should pull at the audience’s heartstrings. As horns honk and bells ring as Titov passes overhead in Sputnik, Zhores’ political seriousness gives Young Libby a new perspective. High stakes between Russia and the USA will resonate with the viewers old enough to remember and give younger viewers a glimpse of a tense historical time.

<div>

Midpoint Turning Point: As the double dating couples are about to go their separate ways, The Wall starts going up. This emotionally charged situation places all the characters (and the audience) in a state of suspenseful uncertainty. Will Libby ever see Zhores again? Will Helga and her family be stuck in the East until The Wall comes down?

Act 3: 20 to 30 pages. With midpoint change, profound moments that give us new ways.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Rethink everything

In flashback, Zhores and Young Libby, with her family’s help, succeed in a risky scheme to get Helga and her family out of the East, but Zhores does not come with them. The timing of their escape is crucial because it must happen between a spotlight’s constant circling of the park. Before the escape is accomplished, heartstrings will tug as Zhores and Young Libby stare at each other from opposite sides of The Wall. The audience will sigh with relief but be on edge when the major, as an American officer with privileges of going back and forth from the East and West, takes Libby to the East for her last meeting with Zhores, planning to sneak him out in the Major’s trunk. What sadness the audience will experience as they realize if Zhores sneaks out, he would be free— but his family back in Moscow would be imprisoned for his disobedience. They’ll be rooting emotionally for Zhores and Young Libby as they share their love sexually as the Major unknowingly stands guard. They’ll be amazed and relieved that the Major’s promise demanded from Zhores was that he would not ask Young Libby to stay with him in the East, so Zhores broke no promise by impregnating Young Libby the first and only time they had sex. </div><div>

In the present, Libby will not allow Allison to go the the Louvre alone, and she and Freida both weep as they listen to Allison’s violin rendition of “Mona Lisa” in front of the Louvre’s actual masterpiece. By now the audience already loves this special child, and now they’ll root for her to win at her audition in spite of her age. Throughout the journey, Libby begins to realize her career obsession prevented her from having a daughter and family as loving as Allison reports hers to be. Her new attitude is demonstrated with her insisting to give Allison the chance to fulfill her dream at the Louvre and her turning their taxi-finding problem over to Freida, who—unlike the hesitant, nervous runaway bride who started this journey—becomes a sexy, alluring provocateur who lures a taxi driver to stop. They arrive back at Orly and find their flight was boarded early and their seats given to standbys. Crucial timing, anxiety, uncertainty! News reports confirm that The Wall is coming down this very day. How can they get to Berlin before midnight—the time Young Libby, Zhores, Helga, and Heinz agreed upon?

New plan: Libby, at a loss about how to proceed, encourages Freida whose monologue results in flight tickets for Hamburg, where they plan to rent a car to drive to Berlin. Her monologue deals not only with Libby’s urgency but her decision to quickly visit her mother and then return to the husband she should never have left. On the plane Libby tells Freida that the husband she was running away from is her son Stuart, and Freida admonishes her for not being an attentive mother—a fact Libby admits and now regrets. Libby now tells the rest of her story.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>In flashback: Libby takes 15-year-old Stuart to visit Helga, Heinz, and their 14-year-old daughter Olga in the summer of 1974. Stuart and Olga—both baseball enthusiasts, have a great time going to games, playing catch, and having batting contests. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Allison confides that her mother was only 14 when she was born in 1975, just two weeks after her grandparents and mother immigrated to the USA. Will the audience connect Stuart’s trip to Allison’s story? Uncertainty! Intrigue! Once they arrive in Hamburg, Freida calls her mother to let her know why she’s going to Schulenberg Park with Libby before she comes home. Emotional connection for all mothers and daughter who love them.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”><b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Turning Point: Arriving in Berlin in an Audi rental car, Freida has trouble maneuvering the traffic jam amidst the masses of celebrants heading toward Brandenburg Gate. Their car is totally stalled and midnight—the end of the day the Wall came down—is less than an hour away. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Crucial timing! Suspense! Anxiety! Audience anticipation!

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

Act 4: 25 pages Test the change in this character! Prove new ways.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Allison—with her violin—jumps from the car, watches passing celebrants carefully, grabs a compassionate looking woman, and delivers a monologue that convinces the woman to drive the Audi through the crowd and the back streets to Schulenberg Park. Thanks goodness, neither Freida or Libby needs to drive, because they’re both in tears—not only because of what Allison has concluded, but will they make it on time? Allison’s monologue spells out the relationships she thinks exists among the people she hopes to see at the park. And she is right! Her grandparents are Helga and Heinz, who changed their names to Helen and Hank when Heinz’s American mother, who had always regretted leaving him at an orphanage, finally tracked him down and brought the family to the USA. Allison suspects that Stuart is the guy who did more with her mother Olga than play catch and have batting contests. She thinks and hopes he is her father, and the audience should be in suspense to know. </div><div>

Resolution: Stuart is waiting there for Freida, whose mother told him where she’d be. Emotions will soar at their combined happiness when Freida tells him she’ll live any place in the world with him, and he offers to get traded so they can leave San Francisco. Helga and Heinz, now known as Helen and Hank, are there to meet Libby and Zhores—not knowing their granddaughter would also be there. They confirm that Stuart is the father they’d promised to tell her about when she was old enough. What viewer won’t be emotionally satisfied with Libby’s exaltation at knowing Allison is her granddaughter? Still, realizing all she missed because of a wall dividing her from her lover, Libby is overcome with anxiety until she sees Zhores coming over a hill, arriving just in time for their prolonged, but tearful kiss at midnight. She joyfully introduces him to the son he didn’t know he had, his daughter-in-law Freida, the granddaughter neither one of them knew existed, and the new Helen and Hank he’d helped sneak out of the East. A group hug with exuberant laughter draws passing celebants’ cheers. Excitement! Satisfying payoff!

I am going to love writing this screenplay.

</div>

[Lenore]

WIM Module 2, Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel’s Four-Act Transformational Structure

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that a turning point is needed at the end of the first three acts.

Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Libby’s transformational journey:

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs. <div>

Main Conflict: Cancelled or missed flights create problems getting to Berlin

Old Ways:

Selfishly asked her parents to adopt her son

Resolutely built a lucrative medical practice

Dedicated one week a year to Doctors Without Borders

Made little effort to keep in touch with son

Hadn’t even met her son’s wife

New Ways

Eager to be a wife first and doctor last

Ready to give up her lucrative medical practice

Ready to practice medicine only with Doctors Without Borders

Glad to discover she’s already a grandmother

Eager to spend more time with family and friends

3. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1: 25 to 30 pages. Set up and see old ways.

Opening: Libby’s monologue to the ticket agent who says mechanical problems have cancelled her flight to Berlin results in the agent booking her to Paris and connecting to Berlin where the Wall is expected to come down soon. She is seated with Freida and Allison who always holds her violin. They heard her spiel and are eager to hear how she met the Russian soldier she now is flying to meet as she promised she would do when the Wall went up. </div><div>

Inciting Incident told in flashback: Her birth father, the Major, has a soldier watch her as Young Libby spends time at Schulenberg Park with her half-sister Stephanie. They meet Helga and Sonja and go with them to their East Berlin home. Young Libby is livid when the soldier barges in to take her back to the West. To defy him she lets Helga fix her up with Zhores.

Turning Point in flashback: After the Major interrogates Zhores, Young Libby is allowed to date him. Many scenes will show Zhores’ idealism and her growing maturity, plus her growing respect for the Major.

Act 2: 20 to 30 pages . Challenge the old ways

New plan: On the airplane, Libby’s judgmental attitude softens toward Freida, who is running away from the husband she loves because after experiencing the recent San Francisco earthquake, she can no longer live there. </div><div>

Plan in action in flashback: Young Libby sympathizes with Helga’s boyfriend Heinz, an orphan desperate to discover his heritage and a VoPo who dislikes his Checkpoint Charlie duties. As horns honk and bells ring as Titov passes overhead in Sputnik, Zhores’ political seriousness gives Young Libby a new perspective.

Midpoint Turning Point: As the double dating couples are about to go their separate ways, The Wall starts going up.

Act 3: 20 to 30 pages. With midpoint change, profound moments that give us new ways.

Rethink everything

In flashback, Zhores and Young Libby, with her family’s help, succeed in a risky scheme to get Helga and her family out of the East, but Zhores will not come with them. The major, as an American officer with privileges of going back and forth from the East and West, takes Libby to the East for her last meeting with Zhores. </div><div>

In the present, after hearing Allison’s violin rendition of “Mona Lisa” in front of the Louvre’s actual masterpiece, Libby begins to realize her career obsession prevented her from having a daughter and family as loving as Allison reports hers to be. They arrive back at Orly and find their flight was boarded early and their seats given to standbys.

New plan: Libby, at a loss about how to proceed, encourages Freida whose monologue results in flight tickets for Hamburg, where they plan to rent a car to drive to Berlin. On the plane Libby finishes her story. Once they arrive Freida calls her mother.

In flashback: Libby takes 15-year-old Stuart to visit Helga, Heinz, and their 14-year-old daughter Olga in the summer of 1974.

Turning Point: Arriving in Berlin in an Audi rental car, Freida is too nervous to drive the traffic jam amidst the masses of celebrants heading toward Brandenburg Gate. Their car is totally stalled and midnight—the end of the day the Wall came down—is less than an hour away.

Act 4: 25 pages Test the change in this character! Prove new ways.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Allison jumps from the car, watches passing celebrants carefully, grabs a compassionate looking woman, and delivers a monologue that convinces the woman to drive the Audi through the crowd and the back streets to Schulenberg Park. Allison’s monologue spells out the relationships she thinks exists among the people she hopes to see at the park. And she is right! </div><div>

Resolution: Stuart is waiting there for Freida, whose mother told him where she’d be. Helga and Heinz, now known as Helen and Hank, are there to meet Libby and Zhores—not knowing their granddaughter would also be there. They confirm that Stuart is the father they’d promised to tell her about when she was old enough. Libby, realizing all she missed because of a wall dividing her from her lover, is in tears until Zhores arrives just in time to be introduced to his family before midnight.

Freida’s transformational journey:

Freida, a highly fearful German who very recently experienced an earthquake, leaves her American husband Stuart who won’t consider moving because he is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants.

Her conflict is that she loves Stuart but is too frightened to stay where another earthquake might occur.

Old Ways:

She doesn’t enjoy baseball and misses many of Stuart’s games. </div><div>

She hasn’t made many friends in America.

She is shy and more of a follower than a leader.

New Ways”

She becomes a problem solver in a pinch. </div><div>

She decides she’ll go back to Stuart if he’ll have her.

She’s not afraid to criticize Libby when she finds out she’s Stuart’s mother

Act 1: 25 to 30 pages. Set up and see old ways.

Opening: Freida, in line behind Libby at the ticket counter, envies her courage with the ticket agent. </div><div>

Inciting Incident: Hearing from Libby that baseball is America’s favorite pastime, not just a children’s game that Freida calls it.

Turning Point: When she tells that she rescued only her wedding picture and marriage license when she ran from her shattered apartment. She’s beginning to think she should not have left Stuart, and she bursts into tears.

Act 2: 20 to 30 pages . Challenge the old ways

New plan: Freida is impressed with Young Libby’s bravery and marvels that Libby says it was all pretend. </div><div>

Plan in action: Libby’s story makes her realize she needs to pay attention to world affairs like Young Libby and Zhores did at a much younger age than she.

Midpoint Turning Point: When the Wall goes up in Libby’s story, Freida is struck by the comparison of Young Libby being separated by a Wall while she and Stuart are separated by her will.

Act 3: 20 to 30 pages. With midpoint change, profound moments that give us new ways.

Rethink everything

In flashback, Young Libby has had her last meeting with Zhores, causing Freida to weep.

In the present, they’re stranded in Paris because their flight boarded early and their tickets were given to standbys.

New plan: Freida amazes even herself by coming up with a plan to fly to Hamburg and drive from there to Berlin. Her monologue demonstrates a new brave, take-charge attitude.

Turning point: She fearlessly offers to drive the Audi to Berlin.</div><div>

Act 4: 25 pages Test the change in this character! Prove new ways.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: When Freida finds Stuart waiting for her at Schulenberg Park, she tells him she’ll move back to San Francisco before he has a chance to tell her he’ll ask to get traded. </div>

Resolution: She’s cool with the idea of Stuart being Allison’s father. If Stuart hadn’t come back to Germany looking for Olga, she would never have met him.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 2, Lesson 3

Lenore Bechtel’s Transformational Journey

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the protagonist’s arc must be both internal and external.

Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Protagonist: Libby

Arc Beginning: Successful doctor who puts her career above family

Arc Ending: Proud grandmother ready to put family above her career

Internal Journey: Doubtful of love everlasting to confident that love is life’s most precious gift

External Journey: From Chicago to Paris to Hamburg by airplane and to Berlin by car

Old Ways:

Selfishly asked her parents to adopt her son so she’d be free to pursue her education and career <div>

Resolutely built a lucrative medical practice

Dedicated only one week a year to Doctors Without Borders

Made little effort to keep in touch with son

Hadn’t even met her son’s wife

New Ways:

Eager to be a wife first and doctor last </div>

Ready to give up her lucrative medical practice

Ready to practice medicine only with Doctors Without Borders

Glad to discover she’s already a grandmother

Eager to spend more time with family and friends

[Lenore]

WIM Module 2, Lesson 4

Lenore Bechtel’s Subtext Plot

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is incorporating one of the seven basic structures for subtext-oriented plots will add depth to any screenplay.

Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Subtext 1: Layering and Superior Position: Clues that seat-mate Freida is Libby’s daughter-in-law emerge to put the viewer in-the-know before Libby reveals the truth.

Subtext 2: Someone hides who they are: Allison hides who she is not by intent, but by omission. She doesn’t reveal that she was born a few weeks after her 14-year-old mother immigrated from Germany to the USA with her grandparents—several months after Libby and her 15-year-old son visited a couple she and Zhores had double-dated with in Berlin. I could approach this two ways. Either Allison innocently keeps this information to herself, or—being a super-smart child prodigy—figures out that she may have been conceived when Libby and her son Stuart visited her grandparents just months before they immigrated to the USA and Americanized their names.

I hope my fellow students reading this will let me know which approach seems most appealing. Thanks!

[Lenore]

WIM Module 2—Lesson 2

Lenore Bechtel’s Intentional Lead Characters

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that each character in a dramatic triangle needs to be unique but somehow connected to each other.

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Libby: A 47-year-old, never married, American medical doctor

Libby tells her seat mates how the building of the Berlin Wall separated her from Zhores, a Russian solder who never knew he fathered her now 28-year-old son Stuart.

Libby persuaded her parents to raise Stuart as their own so she would not be distracted from pursuing a medical career.

Freida: A 27-year-old German woman

Freida, traumatized by the recent San Francisco earthquake, is flying back her her homeland without telling her husband who didn’t want to leave California.

Her husband is Libby’s son Stuart, a fact Libby quickly ascertains but keeps to herself.

Allison: A precocious 12-year-old violinist,

Allison—without telling her guardian grandparents—ran away from her private school to fly for a scheduled audition with Claudio Abbado, Berlin Philharmonic’s new conductor.

She turns out to be Libby’s granddaughter—a daughter Stuart never knew he had.

[Lenore]

WIM Module 2—Lesson 1

Lenore Bechtel’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that several of my favorite concepts do not fit the four character structures explained here. However, one that received very positive feedback when I ran concepts past friends does, and that’s why I chose this one.

Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwined with theirs.

Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle

[Lenore]

I agree to the terms of this release form. Lenore Bechtel

[Lenore]

Hello all, I am Lenore Bechtel living in Eufaula, OK. I am a. produced playwright trying to become a produced screenwriter. I have written two rom-coms which didn’t win a contest, but received encouraging feedback that I hope to use during this class to make them salable.

A former Sweet Adeline, I have written a musical comedy about a girl defying her family to sing a different style–a script I also hope to improve with this class. I am very old and have been writing all my life, but gave up on any rejected manuscript after one try. I hope to revive many of those in screenplay form.

During my working years as a teacher, guidance counselor, jounalist, editor, and public relations consultant, I was always going to write plays when I retired. I was successful in getting thirteen produced by community theaters and am seeking the same success with screenplays. I recognize that to do so, I need to develop new skills, and that’s good. Learning keeps my brain young, and typing keeps my fingers nimble.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s email: lenorebechtel33@gmail.com.

Please email me if you are interested in exchanging feedback.

Title: Deadly Viewing

Elijah, an 18-year-old, knows his remote-viewing father Daniel was killed to keep him from revealing something sinister he’d viewed remotely. Elijah, who inherited the family’s traveling clairvoyance., must find the killer before he also kills Elijah and proceeds to carry out his devilish plan.

EXT – GRAVEYARD – DAY

Mourners throw flowers down a grave and then move on to ELIJAH EVAN, standing by BUZZ BRIGGS, at the end of the grave. The first few very old PEOPLE say things about the grave responsibility 18-year-old Elijah has just inherited, that his own father inherited when he was only fifteen. One says it’s so sad he lost his mother such a short time ago. Mention of his grandmother using her gift to help the government during World War II. Assurance that their safe little town with Elijah’s gift will continue to be safe.
JANEEN JENNINGS, in her sheriff’s uniform, weeps so close to uncontrollably that KEVIN DAVIS, fire chief, supports her, looking perplexed and uncomfortable. Janeen says to Elijah, “It’s just you and me now,” and a single tear runs down Elijah’s face. Buzz embraces his shoulder. Kevin says, “Tragic accident.” And Elijah says, “No accident. It was murder.”
MELANTHA MORRIS overhears and agrees. She invited Elijah to spend the night with her because it’s not safe for him to be alone. Her simpleton brother SONNY MORRIS show delight at that idea and urge Elijah to accept the invitation, but Buzz says he’s staying with him.
ZAYDEN BRIGGS and VERA BRIGGS, the last in line, each hug Elijah. Zayden says his offer to buy the Evans’ property still stands, startling Elijah. Vera reprimands Zayden and apologizes to Elijah. Buzz makes a nasty comment to him.
People get into cars, and others start walking down the hill. Elijah and Buzz follow the walkers.

INT – ELIJAH’S BEDROOM – SAME DAY

7. Elijah reclines face down on his bed. Buzz sits on the desk chair. Buzz tries to convince Elijah not to be upset because Cassandra didn’t come to Daniel’s memorial service. If he’s willing to put up with her weird restrictions, he should realize she couldn’t get away from her domineering father. Buzz will feel guilty the rest of his life if Elijah has lost his gift because he got him drunk and goaded him into remote-viewing the new girl in town, LUCY ADDAMS, who just happened to be getting into her pajamas a the time. Elijah says Daniel was killed because he saw something big—big enough to get him killed to keep it secret. Buzz doesn’t buy it, but Elijah knows if it’s true, he’s next on the killer’s list. Even if he’s lost his gift, the whole town expects him to still have it and the ability to help Janeen keep the town safe.

EXT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH ON SAME ROAD AS THE CHURCH – LATER SAME DAY

8. Melantha, with Sonny along, brings a casserole to Elijah. Talk about how long Sonny’s hair and beard are. Sonny says, “Do I look like Jesus?” Elijah and Buzz agree he does.

EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – THAT NIGHT

8. Elijah’s watch says 7:50. He’s restless as he paces and gazes at the mausoleum’s corner Cassandra always comes around at exactly 8 p.m. CASSSANDRA arrives and he tells her how hurt he was by her skipping his dad’s funeral. Defending the reason she couldn’t come, she tells her history. She was a child psychic so exploited by her mother that her father convinced a court he should have sole custody. Since then, he’s aware of her every move, and she will have no freedom until she can legally leave him at age 18. Until then, she dare not let him touch her—her father promised he would know and not even let her out from 8 to 9. Elijah tells her about how he helps animals in need with his remote-viewing gift.

INT – ELIJAH’S LIVING ROOM – NEXT MORNING

9. Remembering he viewed Lucy in her undies, Elijah is flustered when she comes to his house. Lucy complains to Elijah that as a new reporter for the Bellamount Journal, she feels unfit to write an obituary/feature story about the town’s renowned minister, so she’ll be interviewing people selected by her editor. Apparently, the feature story was in the works before Daniel’s death, and her predecessor had already taken many pictures on the Journal’s camera. She wants Elijah to help her pick out the ones to use. Elijah is flabbergasted to find one of Janeen and Daniel kissing, with Janeen’s hand firmly on Daniel’s butt.

EXT – MELANTHA’S DRIVEWAY – SAME DAY

10. Returning Melantha’s casserole dish, Elijah finds Melantha and Sonny loading two huge canisters in their van. Sonny says Melantha wants him to look like Jesus, and he’s so glad Elijah thinks he does.

EXT – BELLAMOUNT FROM ABOVE – SAME DAY

EXT – BELLAMOUNT FROM ABOVE – SAME DAY

11.The church, graveyard, mausoleum, and rows of houses on each side are on a road with many smaller roads leading down to Main Street. Melantha’s airplane flies over, turns around, flies a short distance, turns and swoops so low over Main Street that business signs can be seen. Then she flies uphill and past the church, mausoleum, and graveyard.

EXT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH – SIMULTANEOUSLY

12. Elijah and Buzz joke about Melantha giving the whole town a morning hello when she flies back from taking milk to an orphanage. They talk about her generosity to the whole town and the wonderful care she gives to her challenged brother. Bellamount is lucky to have her.

13. Elijah tells Buzz about the picture and wonders if she and Daniel were having an affair. Elijah was suspicious when his mother died falling down the belfry stairs, and Buzz suggests maybe he was right. Maybe Janeen shoved her to make Daniel and single man. Then she was the one who inspected the belfry and found nothing that might have lured his mother up there. Maybe she didn’t want to find anything.

EXT – THE BELFRY PLATFORM – LATER THAT DAY

14. Elijah and Buzz find the platform empty except for the bell.

EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – NIGHT

15. Cassandra goes into a psychic trance and tells Elijah that Daniel’s care contains a clue that might lead him to the murderer. Elijah confesses that he may have lost his remote-viewing gift because of misusing it.

EXT – HELICOPTER INTERIOR – THE NEXT DAY

16. SHAY COPELAND, pilot flying Elijah and Buzz to Daniel’s wrecked car, talks about how call and cool Janeen was when she and Kevin pulled Daniel’s body out of the demolished car. Talks about how the airport couldn’t keep operating with Melantha’s frequent use of her private plane and her frequent donations. They talk lovingly about her swoops over Main Street, church, and mausoleum. She’s got that low route down pat.

EXT – DANIEL’S SMASHED CAR – MOMENTS LATER

17. Elijah and Buzz tear off the passenger door. Elijah crawls in, finds Daniel’s cellphone, and pockets it. He opens the glove compartment, hears a ticking, and jumps head-first out of the car before it explodes in flames. Both he and Buzz catch on fire and roll in prickly bushes to put out the flame.

EXT – HELICOPTER INTERIOR – LATER

18. With Elijah and Buzz moaning and fidgeting in their seats, Shay fumbles with his radio, but can’t make a connection.

EXT – AIRPORT RUNWAY – LATER

18. Shay’s helicopter lands, and Zayden and Sonny, with broom and cleaning supplies, are waiting. The stairs come down from the plane, and Buzz descends. Zayden rushes to him, embraces him, and leads him toward his car, while Sonny tries to brush grime from his clothes.

Elijah yells, and Zayden, looking surprised, turns and stops abruptly to wait for him. Sonny cleans on Elijah, and Shay descends and promises Sonny a bigger tip for such a mess.

INT – ZAYDEN’S CAR – MOMENTS LATER

19. Buzz asks Elijah how he knew to dive out of the car, and Elijah said the tick scared him and a voice said “Go.” Buzz says that’s proof he hasn’t lost his gift, but Elijah is skeptical. If he still had his gift, it should be telling him to view something leading him to the murderer “ before he gets to me.” Zayden says he’ll double the price for Elijah’s property so he’ll have enough money to leave Bellamount where so much is expected of him and where he seems to think someone wants to murder him. Buzz and Zayden argue vehemently about Zayden’s not taking no for an answer.

INT – ELIJAH’S BEDROOM – LATER THAT DAY

20. Elijah finds Daniel’s phone has numerous calls to Janeen and a text to Grayson Crowe which reads, “Got a bad one,” with the reply, “I’m here. Come now.” Elijah calls the number and finds that Grayson is an FBI agent who followed up one Daniel’s tips outside the Bellamount area. Grayson has called Daniel’s number many times since he had not shown up and is sorry to hear about his death.

INT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH – MOMENTS LATER

21. Janeen brings Elijah a quiche, and Elijah confronts her about the pictures of her and Daniel. She’s barely able to carry on a conversation with him and leaves with worry on her brow.

EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – NIGHT

22. Cassandra takes credit for tipping Elijah off about a clue in his dad’s car. She sorry her psychic skills hadn’t told her about the ticking bomb. As Sonny passes, he tells Elijah to ask his girlfriend who he looks like. Cassandra’s answer strikes Elijah as weird.

INT – BELLAMOUNT JOURNAL OFFICE – THE NEXT AFTERNOON

23. Lucy, slumped over her desk, awakens and find the camera missing. She call Elijah to ask for more pictures and says she thinks someone put a sedative in her afternoon tea. Who but Janeen would want that camera? Why was she calm and cool pulling Daniel’s body from the wrecked car, but bordering on hysterical at his funeral?

EXT – THE SNAKE PATH TO LOWER BELLAMOUNT – SAME DAY

24. Elijah and Buzz ride bikes down The Snake to attend rehearsal for graduation and o pick up their caps and gowns at the high school. At the trails only wide spot, Elijah passes Buzz. Both take a treacherous blind curve without reducing speed.

EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – NIGHT

25. Cassandra and Elijah take a walk, talking about how wonderful it will be when she turns eighteen and can legally leave her father. She yearns to be in Elijah’s arms as much as he years to hold her. She says each time he looks at her, she feels a flush in the pit of her stomach. “Look at me now ‘cause I’m very cold,” she says. Elijah takes off his jacket, looks at her, and puts the jacket around her shoulders. Suddenly she’s gone. Poof! Vanished in thin air. He picks up his jacket, turns on his cellphones flashlight, flashes it around looking for her—finally noticing his next step would have taken him into an open grave. Hearing a sound in some shrubs, he runs there and finds Sonny at the wheel of a backhoe. Melantha is soon beside him. She had told Sonny to fill in a grave that had been dug in the wrong place. She was afraid someone might fall into it. No, she hadn’t seen a girl run away.

INT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH – NEXT DAY

26. Sitting on Elijah’s front porch as Sonny cleans weeds from the front shrubs, Buzz tries to convince Elijah that Cassandra could not possibly have vanished into thin air, and Elijah says not unless she was a hologram. They reminisce about seeing holograms at Disneyworld, but can’t seriously think Cassandra was one. Sonny tells them he liked Disneyworld, which he got to live close to when Melantha worked there behind the scenes.

27. Lucy returns pictures to Elijah, she’s very upset at having passed an injured calf that she stayed with until Fire Chief Kevin could get there to take the calf to the town veterinarian. Elijah knows then that he’s lost his gift because if he hadn’t, he would have seen the calf and called for help. The camera was back at the office. Someone dropped it off on her desk and the Daniel pictures had been deleted.

EXT – DRIVEWAY WITH ZAYDEN’S CAR – LATER

27. As Elijah and Buzz start to get in the backseat, Zayden asks them to ride their bikes to graduation so he can get their pictures in their caps and gowns coming off The Snake. They agree and take off before Vera and Zoe come out to get in the car.

EXT – THE SNAKE PATH TO LOWER BELLAMOUNT – SAME DAY

28. In their graduation caps and gowns, Elijah and Buzz ride down The Snake and crash into a tree trunk blocking the path around the blind curve. Though severely injured himself, Elijah drags Buzz, who’s lost consciousness, down toward lower Bellamounta.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER

29. In the hospital Zayden gives them their diplomas. He says he now agrees that someone is trying to kill Elijah. He offers to pay all Elijah’s college expenses if he will write a will naming him as the beneficiary to receive his house. When both boys are sound asleep, Vera and daughter Zoe enter and tell Zayden they hope he hadn’t tried to talk property to Elijah in this condition. Opening his eyes, Elijah sees Zoe and says “Cassandra!”

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL OFFICE – LATER

30. A doctor assess Elijah’s mental health, and Elijah lies, saying he’d never seen Zoe before this day. He will be dismissed.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER

31. Melantha arrives and insists Elijah must spend the night with her and Sonny rather than home alone. Vera wants Elijah at her home in case she gets called back to the hospital to see Buzz, who is too weak to dismiss. Vera wins.

BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – LATER

32. Elijah calls Grayson and tells him of his narrow escapes from death. Grayson agrees Daniel was killed, but without his remote-viewing to show him, he has no way of finding out why.

INT – THE BRIGGS’ FAMILY ROOM – THAT NIGHT

33. Elijah is suspicious of Zoe, but their interaction concludes with Elijah knowing that Zoe recently had a short role in a movie, during which she was required to pronounce A E I O U many times. Her recitation of some of her dialogue was word-for-word what Cassandra had said. Elijah tells her what he did when Buzz got him drunk, and Zoe starts putting her brother down, calling him a Daddy’s boy who’d do anything to get praise from gruff Zayden. Elijah defends Buzz, and they argue until Zoe ends their fray with a a kiss, which Elijah quickly gets into.

INT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – THE NEXT DAY

34, Elijah, alone in the church, asks God’s forgiveness for misusing his gift and pleads with Him to give it back so he can find his father’s killer and save his own life. As he exits he bumps into Melantha, carrying a shopping bag. She says she’s there to water plants.

INT – BELLAMOUNT JOURNAL OFFICE – THE NEXT MORNING

35. Elijah goes to tell Janeen he’s lost his gift and won’t be able to help her prevent crime the way Daniel did. Before he can finish, she runs and throws up in the bathroom. Does the thought of pushing my mom down the belfry steps so you could have my dad to yourself make you sick to your stomach? She cries and tells him the nausea is morning sickness. Stunned, Elijah runs off, shouting back that she stole Lucy’s pictures too late. He already knew.

INT – ELIJAH’S BEDROOM – THAT NIGHT

23. In bed that night, Elijah begs God to give him back his gift. His doorbell rings.

INT – ELIJAH’S ENTRYWAY – It’s Janeen there to tell him she tried, but she didn’t get to first base with Daniel. And she deleted the pictures from the newspaper camera to keep Kevin from knowing she’d ever had a crush on another man.

EXT – ELIJAH’S BACKYARD – THE NEXT DAY

24. In his pajamas, Elijah takes a full trash bag out of a plastic waste can, ties a knot in it, and opens the back door to take it to the trash can. As he steps off the porch, he’s blasted with a spray so hard it makes him stagger and finally fall. Sonny drops the hose, dials 911, and quick-dials another number.

25. Seeing Elijah passed out on the lawn, a cloaked figure in rubber gloves detaches the hose from a huge canister and attaches it to the house’s outside faucet, then grabs Sonny and they run away.

26. Janeen, Kevin, and medics arrive on the scene and can smell the gas that knocked Elijah out. The medics wheel Elijah away, and Kevin detaches the hose and takes it with him.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER

27. Zoe and Vera watch over Elijah, still unconscious in a hospital bed next to Buzz.

INT – BELLAMOUNT SHERIFF’S OFFICE – LATER

28. Kevin, Janeen, Grayson, and other FBI agents discuss the deadly concoction found in the hose.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – SIMULTANEOUSLY

29. Elijah—delerious—awakens, calls Zoe Cassandra and asks her to use her psychic skills to find Daniel’s murderer.

INT – MELANTHA’S KITCHEN – SIMULTANEOUSLY

30. Melantha assures a worried Sonny that whatever happens to Elijah, it is not his fault.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL – LATER

31. Elijah awakens and convinces Zoe and Vera that he needs to get out of the hospital. The women are perplexed that he’s wondering where a projector would have to be to project a movie on the wall of the mausoleum.

EXT – ELIJAH’S FRONT YARD – LATER

Elijah gets out of Vera’s car and thanks her for the ride. He says nothing to Zo. He waits for them to drive away and starts to head for the church, Sonny comes out of the bushes, hugs him, and tells him how happy he is he wasn’t hurt badly.

INT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – MOMENTS LATER

32. Elijah enters the church and starts up the spiral staircase to the belfry. Cut to:

33. Elijah leads Grayson up the staircase. Grayson takes pictures of the machinery there, texts them to headquarters, and is told it’s a sophisticated hologram projector probably able to work in sync with artificial intelligence found in one or many of the attached machines. It can be set to project at a particular time. The FBI has been monitoring a global syndicate they suspect plans to use holograms some way toward their goal of population control—something to gather people together so masses can be gassed simultaneously. Elijah thinks the canisters Shay saw Melantha putting in her plane might contain something other than milk for children.

EXT – BELLAMOUNT AIRPORT – LATER

34. With Elijah watching, Grayson’s men unload eight canisters, from Melantha’s plane, open one enough to sniff, and say they’ve found the culprit.

35. Elijah tells Lucy, who has followed them, that she’s going to get the scoop of the century, and she keeps following.
EXT – MELANTHA’S FRONT PORCH – LATER
36. Sonny tells Grayson and Elijah that his sister went to the church to pray. He tells Elijah how happy he is to see him well. He was worried.
INT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – LATER
37. Grayson and Elijah find Melantha in the belfry. Cool and unperturbed, she wants them to be the first to know the treat she has planned for the community. She tells her history—how she studied the art of holograms and artificial intelligence, how she learned to combine both. She has set a timer for the surprise to happen in the sky above the mausoleum in exactly three hours.
EXT – BELLAMOUNT STREETS – LATER
38. Elijah and Fire Chief Kevin chat as fire trucks to speed through neighborhoods announcing over loud speakers for all to watch the sky over the mausoleum at exact eight o’clock..
39. Kevin calls the radio station and the TV station, even though it is far from Bellamount.
40. Two firetrucks screech around the perilous curves to lower Bellamounta and through all the roads there. also and notify radio and TV.
41. People are abuzz.
42. Melantha is ecstatic.
43. Melantha ascends to her airplane and finds Janeen and Grayson waiting for her. Janeen arrests her, and she turns ugly and collapses.
44. At exactly 8 p.m. a hologram of Sonny, looking exactly like Jesus, appears high in the sky and walks downward to earth. His lips repeatedly seem to say, “Meet me at the church.”
45. Melantha, in handcuffs, watching brags about how her brilliant plan would have killed thousands of Christians and how she planned to use the same scheme until she wiped them off the planet.
EXT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – LATER
44. Using a loud speaker Elijah speaks to the hundreds outside the church and on the road leading to it. Then he leads them in singing a hymn.
MONTAGE – A YEAR LATER
Zayden gloats and Vera look relieved at the construction in progress.
Kevin and Janeen play with their infant baby.
Melantha, in a mental institution, looks down her nose at people praying in the chapel.
Elijah stops suddenly as he walks with Zoe and Buzz on a college campus. His gifts is back, and he excuses himself to call Grayson.
Wearing his Jesus attire, Sonny signs autographs to an adoring crowd.
INT – TV STUDIO – DAY
Lucy Addams, now a TV reporter, reports the astounding improvements in Bellamount—all because of the new theme park featuring a hologram of Jesus. She’ll conclude with something like this: Who could imagine that something so wonderful was created by a deranged woman who wanted to kill Christians to get revenge on a man who dumped her to become a priest?
THE HOLOGRAM OF JESUS WALKING OUT OF THE CLOUDS WITH HIS LIPS SAYING “COME TO THE CHURCH.”
#

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Thriller Map for a screenplay that needs a good title. I would appreciate any suggestions that come to anyone’s mind while reading this.

EXT – GRAVEYARD – DAY

Mourners throw flowers down a grave and then move on to ELIJAH EVAN, standing by BUZZ BRIGGS, at the end of the grave. The first few very old PEOPLE say things about the grave responsibility 18-year-old Elijah has just inherited, that his own father inherited when he was only fifteen. One says it’s so sad he lost his mother such a short time ago. Mention of his grandmother using her gift to help the government during World War II. Assurance that their safe little town with Elijah’s gift will continue to be safe.
JANEEN JENNINGS, in her sheriff’s uniform, weeps so close to uncontrollably that KEVIN DAVIS, fire chief, supports her, looking perplexed and uncomfortable. Janeen says to Elijah, “It’s just you and me now,” and a single tear runs down Elijah’s face. Buzz embraces his shoulder. Kevin says, “Tragic accident.” And Elijah says, “No accident. It was murder.”
MELANTHA MORRIS overhears and agrees. She invited Elijah to spend the night with her because it’s not safe for him to be alone. Her simpleton brother SONNY MORRIS show delight at that idea and urge Elijah to accept the invitation, but Buzz says he’s staying with him.
ZAYDEN BRIGGS and VERA BRIGGS, the last in line, each hug Elijah. Zayden says his offer to buy the Evans’ property still stands, startling Elijah. Vera reprimands Zayden and apologizes to Elijah. Buzz makes a nasty comment to him.
People get into cars, and others start walking down the hill. Elijah and Buzz follow the walkers.

INT – ELIJAH’S BEDROOM – SAME DAY

7. Elijah reclines face down on his bed. Buzz sits on the desk chair. Buzz tries to convince Elijah not to be upset because Cassandra didn’t come to Daniel’s memorial service. If he’s willing to put up with her weird restrictions, he should realize she couldn’t get away from her domineering father. Buzz will feel guilty the rest of his life if Elijah has lost his gift because he got him drunk and goaded him into remote-viewing the new girl in town, LUCY ADDAMS, who just happened to be getting into her pajamas a the time. Elijah says Daniel was killed because he saw something big—big enough to get him killed to keep it secret. Buzz doesn’t buy it, but Elijah knows if it’s true, he’s next on the killer’s list. Even if he’s lost his gift, the whole town expects him to still have it and the ability to help Janeen keep the town safe.

EXT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH ON SAME ROAD AS THE CHURCH – LATER SAME DAY

8. Melantha, with Sonny along, brings a casserole to Elijah. Talk about how long Sonny’s hair and beard are. Sonny says, “Do I look like Jesus?” Elijah and Buzz agree he does.

EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – THAT NIGHT

8. Elijah’s watch says 7:50. He’s restless as he paces and gazes at the mausoleum’s corner Cassandra always comes around at exactly 8 p.m. CASSSANDRA arrives and he tells her how hurt he was by her skipping his dad’s funeral. Defending the reason she couldn’t come, she tells her history. She was a child psychic so exploited by her mother that her father convinced a court he should have sole custody. Since then, he’s aware of her every move, and she will have no freedom until she can legally leave him at age 18. Until then, she dare not let him touch her—her father promised he would know and not even let her out from 8 to 9. Elijah tells her about how he helps animals in need with his remote-viewing gift.

INT – ELIJAH’S LIVING ROOM – NEXT MORNING

9. Remembering he viewed Lucy in her undies, Elijah is flustered when she comes to his house. Lucy complains to Elijah that as a new reporter for the Bellamount Journal, she feels unfit to write an obituary/feature story about the town’s renowned minister, so she’ll be interviewing people selected by her editor. Apparently, the feature story was in the works before Daniel’s death, and her predecessor had already taken many pictures on the Journal’s camera. She wants Elijah to help her pick out the ones to use. Elijah is flabbergasted to find one of Janeen and Daniel kissing, with Janeen’s hand firmly on Daniel’s butt.

EXT – MELANTHA’S DRIVEWAY – SAME DAY

10. Returning Melantha’s casserole dish, Elijah finds Melantha and Sonny loading two huge canisters in their van. Sonny says Melantha wants him to look like Jesus, and he’s so glad Elijah thinks he does.

EXT – BELLAMOUNT FROM ABOVE – SAME DAY

11.The church, graveyard, mausoleum, and rows of houses on each side are on a road with many smaller roads leading down to Main Street. Melantha’s airplane flies over, turns around, flies a short distance, turns and swoops so low over Main Street that business signs can be seen. Then she flies uphill and past the church, mausoleum, and graveyard.

EXT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH – SIMULTANEOUSLY

12. Elijah and Buzz joke about Melantha giving the whole town a morning hello when she flies back from taking milk to an orphanage. They talk about her generosity to the whole town and the wonderful care she gives to her challenged brother. Bellamount is lucky to have her.

13. Elijah tells Buzz about the picture and wonders if she and Daniel were having an affair. Elijah was suspicious when his mother died falling down the belfry stairs, and Buzz suggests maybe he was right. Maybe Janeen shoved her to make Daniel and single man. Then she was the one who inspected the belfry and found nothing that might have lured his mother up there. Maybe she didn’t want to find anything.

EXT – THE BELFRY PLATFORM – LATER THAT DAY

14. Elijah and Buzz find the platform empty except for the bell.

EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – NIGHT

15. Cassandra goes into a psychic trance and tells Elijah that Daniel’s care contains a clue that might lead him to the murderer. Elijah confesses that he may have lost his remote-viewing gift because of misusing it.

EXT – HELICOPTER INTERIOR – THE NEXT DAY

16. SHAY COPELAND, pilot flying Elijah and Buzz to Daniel’s wrecked car, talks about how call and cool Janeen was when she and Kevin pulled Daniel’s body out of the demolished car. Talks about how the airport couldn’t keep operating with Melantha’s frequent use of her private plane and her frequent donations. They talk lovingly about her swoops over Main Street, church, and mausoleum. She’s got that low route down pat.

EXT – DANIEL’S SMASHED CAR – MOMENTS LATER

17. Elijah and Buzz tear off the passenger door. Elijah crawls in, finds Daniel’s cellphone, and pockets it. He opens the glove compartment, hears a ticking, and jumps head-first out of the car before it explodes in flames. Both he and Buzz catch on fire and roll in prickly bushes to put out the flame.

EXT – HELICOPTER INTERIOR – LATER

18. With Elijah and Buzz moaning and fidgeting in their seats, Shay fumbles with his radio, but can’t make a connection.

EXT – AIRPORT RUNWAY – LATER

18. Shay’s helicopter lands, and Zayden and Sonny, with broom and cleaning supplies, are waiting. The stairs come down from the plane, and Buzz descends. Zayden rushes to him, embraces him, and leads him toward his car, while Sonny tries to brush grime from his clothes.

Elijah yells, and Zayden, looking surprised, turns and stops abruptly to wait for him. Sonny cleans on Elijah, and Shay descends and promises Sonny a bigger tip for such a mess.

INT – ZAYDEN’S CAR – MOMENTS LATER

19. Buzz asks Elijah how he knew to dive out of the car, and Elijah said the tick scared him and a voice said “Go.” Buzz says that’s proof he hasn’t lost his gift, but Elijah is skeptical. If he still had his gift, it should be telling him to view something leading him to the murderer “ before he gets to me.” Zayden says he’ll double the price for Elijah’s property so he’ll have enough money to leave Bellamount where so much is expected of him and where he seems to think someone wants to murder him. Buzz and Zayden argue vehemently about Zayden’s not taking no for an answer.

INT – ELIJAH’S BEDROOM – LATER THAT DAY

20. Elijah finds Daniel’s phone has numerous calls to Janeen and a text to Grayson Crowe which reads, “Got a bad one,” with the reply, “I’m here. Come now.” Elijah calls the number and finds that Grayson is an FBI agent who followed up one Daniel’s tips outside the Bellamount area. Grayson has called Daniel’s number many times since he had not shown up and is sorry to hear about his death.

INT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH – MOMENTS LATER

21. Janeen brings Elijah a quiche, and Elijah confronts her about the pictures of her and Daniel. She’s barely able to carry on a conversation with him and leaves with worry on her brow.

EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – NIGHT

22. Cassandra takes credit for tipping Elijah off about a clue in his dad’s car. She sorry her psychic skills hadn’t told her about the ticking bomb. As Sonny passes, he tells Elijah to ask his girlfriend who he looks like. Cassandra’s answer strikes Elijah as weird.

INT – BELLAMOUNT JOURNAL OFFICE – THE NEXT AFTERNOON

23. Lucy, slumped over her desk, awakens and find the camera missing. She call Elijah to ask for more pictures and says she thinks someone put a sedative in her afternoon tea. Who but Janeen would want that camera? Why was she calm and cool pulling Daniel’s body from the wrecked car, but bordering on hysterical at his funeral?

EXT – THE SNAKE PATH TO LOWER BELLAMOUNT – SAME DAY

24. Elijah and Buzz ride bikes down The Snake to attend rehearsal for graduation and o pick up their caps and gowns at the high school. At the trails only wide spot, Elijah passes Buzz. Both take a treacherous blind curve without reducing speed.

EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – NIGHT

25. Cassandra and Elijah take a walk, talking about how wonderful it will be when she turns eighteen and can legally leave her father. She yearns to be in Elijah’s arms as much as he years to hold her. She says each time he looks at her, she feels a flush in the pit of her stomach. “Look at me now ‘cause I’m very cold,” she says. Elijah takes off his jacket, looks at her, and puts the jacket around her shoulders. Suddenly she’s gone. Poof! Vanished in thin air. He picks up his jacket, turns on his cellphones flashlight, flashes it around looking for her—finally noticing his next step would have taken him into an open grave. Hearing a sound in some shrubs, he runs there and finds Sonny at the wheel of a backhoe. Melantha is soon beside him. She had told Sonny to fill in a grave that had been dug in the wrong place. She was afraid someone might fall into it. No, she hadn’t seen a girl run away.

INT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH – NEXT DAY

26. Sitting on Elijah’s front porch as Sonny cleans weeds from the front shrubs, Buzz tries to convince Elijah that Cassandra could not possibly have vanished into thin air, and Elijah says not unless she was a hologram. They reminisce about seeing holograms at Disneyworld, but can’t seriously think Cassandra was one. Sonny tells them he liked Disneyworld, which he got to live close to when Melantha worked there behind the scenes.

27. Lucy returns pictures to Elijah, she’s very upset at having passed an injured calf that she stayed with until Fire Chief Kevin could get there to take the calf to the town veterinarian. Elijah knows then that he’s lost his gift because if he hadn’t, he would have seen the calf and called for help. The camera was back at the office. Someone dropped it off on her desk and the Daniel pictures had been deleted.

EXT – DRIVEWAY WITH ZAYDEN’S CAR – LATER

27. As Elijah and Buzz start to get in the backseat, Zayden asks them to ride their bikes to graduation so he can get their pictures in their caps and gowns coming off The Snake. They agree and take off before Vera and Zoe come out to get in the car.

EXT – THE SNAKE PATH TO LOWER BELLAMOUNT – SAME DAY

28. In their graduation caps and gowns, Elijah and Buzz ride down The Snake and crash into a tree trunk blocking the path around the blind curve. Though severely injured himself, Elijah drags Buzz, who’s lost consciousness, down toward lower Bellamounta.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER

29. In the hospital Zayden gives them their diplomas. He says he now agrees that someone is trying to kill Elijah. He offers to pay all Elijah’s college expenses if he will write a will naming him as the beneficiary to receive his house. When both boys are sound asleep, Vera and daughter Zoe enter and tell Zayden they hope he hadn’t tried to talk property to Elijah in this condition. Opening his eyes, Elijah sees Zoe and says “Cassandra!”

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL OFFICE – LATER

30. A doctor assess Elijah’s mental health, and Elijah lies, saying he’d never seen Zoe before this day. He will be dismissed.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER

31. Melantha arrives and insists Elijah must spend the night with her and Sonny rather than home alone. Vera wants Elijah at her home in case she gets called back to the hospital to see Buzz, who is too weak to dismiss. Vera wins.

BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – LATER

32. Elijah calls Grayson and tells him of his narrow escapes from death. Grayson agrees Daniel was killed, but without his remote-viewing to show him, he has no way of finding out why.

INT – THE BRIGGS’ FAMILY ROOM – THAT NIGHT

33. Elijah is suspicious of Zoe, but their interaction concludes with Elijah knowing that Zoe recently had a short role in a movie, during which she was required to pronounce A E I O U many times. Her recitation of some of her dialogue was word-for-word what Cassandra had said. Elijah tells her what he did when Buzz got him drunk, and Zoe starts putting her brother down, calling him a Daddy’s boy who’d do anything to get praise from gruff Zayden. Elijah defends Buzz, and they argue until Zoe ends their fray with a a kiss, which Elijah quickly gets into.

INT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – THE NEXT DAY

34, Elijah, alone in the church, asks God’s forgiveness for misusing his gift and pleads with Him to give it back so he can find his father’s killer and save his own life. As he exits he bumps into Melantha, carrying a shopping bag. She says she’s there to water plants.

INT – BELLAMOUNT JOURNAL OFFICE – THE NEXT MORNING

35. Elijah goes to tell Janeen he’s lost his gift and won’t be able to help her prevent crime the way Daniel did. Before he can finish, she runs and throws up in the bathroom. Does the thought of pushing my mom down the belfry steps so you could have my dad to yourself make you sick to your stomach? She cries and tells him the nausea is morning sickness. Stunned, Elijah runs off, shouting back that she stole Lucy’s pictures too late. He already knew.

INT – ELIJAH’S BEDROOM – THAT NIGHT

23. In bed that night, Elijah begs God to give him back his gift. His doorbell rings.

INT – ELIJAH’S ENTRYWAY – It’s Janeen there to tell him she tried, but she didn’t get to first base with Daniel. And she deleted the pictures from the newspaper camera to keep Kevin from knowing she’d ever had a crush on another man.

EXT – ELIJAH’S BACKYARD – THE NEXT DAY

24. In his pajamas, Elijah takes a full trash bag out of a plastic waste can, ties a knot in it, and opens the back door to take it to the trash can. As he steps off the porch, he’s blasted with a spray so hard it makes him stagger and finally fall. Sonny drops the hose, dials 911, and quick-dials another number.

25. Seeing Elijah passed out on the lawn, a cloaked figure in rubber gloves detaches the hose from a huge canister and attaches it to the house’s outside faucet, then grabs Sonny and they run away.

26. Janeen, Kevin, and medics arrive on the scene and can smell the gas that knocked Elijah out. The medics wheel Elijah away, and Kevin detaches the hose and takes it with him.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER

27. Zoe and Vera watch over Elijah, still unconscious in a hospital bed next to Buzz.

INT – BELLAMOUNT SHERIFF’S OFFICE – LATER

28. Kevin, Janeen, Grayson, and other FBI agents discuss the deadly concoction found in the hose.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – SIMULTANEOUSLY

29. Elijah—delerious—awakens, calls Zoe Cassandra and asks her to use her psychic skills to find Daniel’s murderer.

INT – MELANTHA’S KITCHEN – SIMULTANEOUSLY

30. Melantha assures a worried Sonny that whatever happens to Elijah, it is not his fault.

INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL – LATER

31. Elijah awakens and convinces Zoe and Vera that he needs to get out of the hospital. The women are perplexed that he’s wondering where a projector would have to be to project a movie on the wall of the mausoleum.

EXT – ELIJAH’S FRONT YARD – LATER

Elijah gets out of Vera’s car and thanks her for the ride. He says nothing to Zo. He waits for them to drive away and starts to head for the church, Sonny comes out of the bushes, hugs him, and tells him how happy he is he wasn’t hurt badly.

INT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – MOMENTS LATER

32. Elijah enters the church and starts up the spiral staircase to the belfry. Cut to:

33. Elijah leads Grayson up the staircase. Grayson takes pictures of the machinery there, texts them to headquarters, and is told it’s a sophisticated hologram projector probably able to work in sync with artificial intelligence found in one or many of the attached machines. It can be set to project at a particular time. The FBI has been monitoring a global syndicate they suspect plans to use holograms some way toward their goal of population control—something to gather people together so masses can be gassed simultaneously. Elijah thinks the canisters Shay saw Melantha putting in her plane might contain something other than milk for children.

EXT – BELLAMOUNT AIRPORT – LATER

34. With Elijah watching, Grayson’s men unload eight canisters, from Melantha’s plane, open one enough to sniff, and say they’ve found the culprit.

35. Elijah tells Lucy, who has followed them, that she’s going to get the scoop of the century, and she keeps following.

EXT – MELANTHA’S FRONT PORCH – LATER

36. Sonny tells Grayson and Elijah that his sister went to the church to pray. He tells Elijah how happy he is to see him well. He was worried.

INT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – LATER

37. Grayson and Elijah find Melantha in the belfry. Cool and unperturbed, she wants them to be the first to know the treat she has planned for the community. She tells her history—how she studied the art of holograms and artificial intelligence, how she learned to combine both. She has set a timer for the surprise to happen in the sky above the mausoleum in exactly three hours.

EXT – BELLAMOUNT STREETS – LATER

38. Elijah and Fire Chief Kevin chat as fire trucks to speed through neighborhoods announcing over loud speakers for all to watch the sky over the mausoleum at exact eight o’clock..

39. Kevin calls the radio station and the TV station, even though it is far from Bellamount.

40. Two firetrucks screech around the perilous curves to lower Bellamounta and through all the roads there. also and notify radio and TV.

41. People are abuzz.

42. Melantha is ecstatic.

43. Melantha ascends to her airplane and finds Janeen and Grayson waiting for her. Janeen arrests her, and she turns ugly and collapses.

44. At exactly 8 p.m. a hologram of Sonny, looking exactly like Jesus, appears high in the sky and walks downward to earth. His lips repeatedly seem to say, “Meet me at the church.”

45. Melantha, in handcuffs, watching brags about how her brilliant plan would have killed thousands of Christians and how she planned to use the same scheme until she wiped them off the planet.

EXT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – LATER

44. Using a loud speaker Elijah speaks to the hundreds outside the church and on the road leading to it. Then he leads them in singing a hymn.

MONTAGE – A YEAR LATER

Zayden gloats and Vera look relieved at the construction in progress.

Kevin and Janeen play with their infant baby.

Melantha, in a mental institution, looks down her nose at people praying in the chapel.

Elijah stops suddenly as he walks with Zoe and Buzz on a college campus. His gifts is back, and he excuses himself to call Grayson.

Wearing his Jesus attire, Sonny signs autographs to an adoring crowd.

INT – TV STUDIO – DAY

Lucy Addams, now a TV reporter, reports the astounding improvements in Bellamount—all because of the new theme park featuring a hologram of Jesus. She’ll conclude with something like this: Who could imagine that something so wonderful was created by a deranged woman who wanted to kill Christians to get revenge on a man who dumped her to become a priest?

THE HOLOGRAM OF JESUS WALKING OUT OF THE CLOUDS WITH HIS LIPS SAYING “COME TO THE CHURCH.”

#

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel misdirects when appropriate

I learned that a misdirect can add to viewers suspecting the Red Herring.

Shay’s heliocopter has no radio, and he didn’t have any way of alerting anyone about the boy’s being almost blown up. Buzz gets off the plane first, and Zayden has started directing him to his car before he glances back, sees Elijah, and is surprised. Misleads viewer to think he thought Elijah had been killed in the explosion.

When Janeen tells Elijah she prevented a crime without any remote-viewing help, she says she feels helpless about finding who’s trying to murder Elijah. “No doubt,” she says, “ the same rat who did in your dad and mom.” No one but Elijah had ever expected his mother was murdered, and he suspected Janeen did it. This misleads the viewer into thinking so too.

With this two additions, I believe I will have enough misdirects in my MIS.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel gives great clues

What I learned is that a script needs enough clues that the viewer will think he should have figured out the villain, but not enough for the viewer to actually figure it out. I added several things to my thriller map.

Main mysteries:

Who killed Daniel? (All covert)

Clues: Shay reports that Meltantha frequently lies canisters of milk to orphans.

Returning a casserole dish, Elijah sees Melantha loading a canister into her van to take to the airport.

Sonny unknowingly reveals that on one trip believed to be for orphans, they didn’t even land.

Melantha’s plane swoops low over Main Street and past the church.

What did Daniel view that caused him to be killed? (All overt)

It had to be something too big for Janeen to handle or he wouldn’t have been on his way to the FBI.

Whoever made the Cassandra hologram is probably who killed Daniel.

Zoe whose movie role had Cassandra’s dialogue was directed by an effeminate man.

The cloaked figure that came for Sonny after he sprayed Elijah had a feminine voice.

Has Elijah already lost his limited remote-viewing ability?

Buzz and Elijah argue about the night Buzz got him drunk and he misused his gift. (Overt)

When Cassandra asks him to view her bedroom, he explains the gift comes to him only when needed. (Overt)

Lucy helps an animal in need without Elijah telling her to. (Covert)

Elijah prays to get his gift back. (Overt)

Were Janeen and Daniel lovers?

Shay reports she was cool and calm when she and Kevin pulled Daniel’s body from the wrecked car. (Covert)

At Daniel’s memorial service, she’s overly sad and emotional. (Covert)

Lucy shows Elijah a picture of Janeen and Daniel kissing. (Overt)

She’s in the bathroom puking when Elijah stops by in the morning. Morning sickness? (Covert)

Kevin often compliments her beauty and her policing ability. (Covert)

THRILLER MAP

Daniel’s graveside service: Unnamed people hug a distraught Elijah and oldsters tell him the Gift will now be his. Mention of Daniel’s excellence as a minister. Mention of his grandmother and his great grandmother and the sadness of losing his mother only a few months ago. Assurances that no one will ever replace him Janeen (red-eyed and weeping, being consoled by Kevin) tells him she’ll now depend upon him to let her know any crimes being planned in Bellamounta. Kevin agrees, but disagrees when Elijah says his father was murdered. Melantha assures Elijah he’s right to think someone murdered his father. Zayden tells Elijah his offer to buy the Evans’ property still stands. His wife Vera reprimands him for bringing up the subject at this time.
Buzz assures Elijah that Cassandra was not being disrespectful by not coming to the funeral. They talk about her father’s unreasonable restrictions that control her life. Buzz clearly doesn’t support Elijah’s belief that his father was killed. Elijah thinks he’s lost his gift because of misusing it.
Melantha brings a casserole to Elijah with Sonny along. Mention of Sonny’s beard and long hair.

3. Nighttime: Elijah goes early to the mausoleum where he meets Cassandra, waits until 10 minutes past their usual time, starts to leave, glances back over his shoulder, and she’s there. She tells him he’s right to think his father was murdered. They talk about their gifts: hers is psychic, his is remote-viewing.

4. Lucy Addams comes to Elijah’s home next door to the church. Daniel’s death occurred on Tuesday, the weekly’s publication date, and the funeral on Friday. Now it’s Saturday and Lucy, a brand new reporter also new to Bellamounta, has the task of writing more than an obituary about Daniel. The story was planned before her predecessor left to report for The Daily Intrigue that publishes exposes. He left behind the newspaper’s camera he used with pictures he’d taken Elijah is flabbergasted to find many of Daniel and Janeen showing much too much familiarity to each other. In one they are kissing and Janeenl has her hand firmly on his butt.

4a Elijah returns casserole dish to Melantha and sees her loading canisters into her van. Elijah say to Sonny, “Gonna drop more milk at the orphanage?” And Sonny says, “No, just taking a plane ride to swoop down over Main Street.” Elijah says, “And the church. Melantha always flies over it too.”

5. Elijah tells Buzz about Daniel and Janeen possibly being lovers. Buzz says maybe Janeen pushed his mother down the belfry stairs to make Daniel a single man. They see Melantha’s plane swoop low over Main Street and up over the church.

6: Cassandra tells Elijah that Daniel’s car contains a clue to his father’s murderer. She asks him to use his gift to view see the bars on the wall of her bedroom. He explains he can only use his gift when it comes to him because an animal is in danger, but he’s expected to inherit bigger sight at his father’s death.

7. Helicopter pilot Shay, flying Elijah and Buzz to Daniel’s wrecked car, tells how Janeen was cool and collected when he flew her and Fire Chief Kevin to pull Daniel’s body from the smashed car. Also talk about how the airport couldn’t keep operating without eccentric Melantha’s frequent use of her private plane. She was just there yesterday loading the plane with large canisters, probably to take milk to some orphanage.

8. To gain entrance to the wrecked car, Elijah and Buzz tear off the passenger door. Elijah crawls in, finds Daniel’s cellphone and pockets it. He opens the glove compartment, hears ticking, and jumps head-first out of the car before it explodes in flames. Both he and Buzz catch on fire and roll in prickly bushes to put out the flame.

9. Shay’s helicopter lands and they find Zayden waiting to drive them home. Sonny comes up to the plane with a broom as the men are disembarking. He bemoans the mess Buzz and Elijah make in their filthy condition. Zayden offers Elijah a higher price for his property. Buzz and Zayden argue about his not taking no for an answer.

10. Buzz asks Elijah how he knew to dive out of the car, and Elijah said the tick scared him, and a voice said “Go!” Buzz says that’s proof that he hasn’t lost the gift because of what he viewed the night they both got drunk. Elijah’s not so sure—wouldn’t the voice be telling him who killed Daniel? They argue because Buzz got Elijah drunk and talked him into viewing a girl undressing in her bedroom.

10. Elijah finds numerous phone calls to Janeen on his father’s phone and a text to Grayson Crowe which read, “Got a bad one,” with the reply, “I’m here. Come any time.” Elijah calls the number, finds that Grayson is an FBI agent who followed up on Daniel’s tips outside the Bellamounta area. Grayson wondered why Daniel didn’t arrive that day and is sorry to hear about his untimely death.

10a. Janeen brings Elijah a quiche for either breakfast and Elijah tells her about her pictures with Daniel.

11. Cassandra takes credit for tipping Elijah off about a clue in his dad’s car. She’s so sorry her psychic skills hadn’t told her about the ticking bomb. Sonny passes and tells Elijah he looks like a guy who loves a girl. Elijah tells him he that ever since he grew that beard, he looks like a holy man. Sonny says, like Jesus? He says Melantha wants him to look like Jesus.

12. Slumped over her desk, Lucy awakens and finds the camera missing. When she call Elijah to ask for more pictures, she tells him she thinks someone put a sedative in her afternoon tea. Who but Janeen would want that camera?

13. Elijah and Buzz ride bikes down The Snake, a winding trail that leads from upper to lower Bellamounta where they attend high school and are now going for rehearsal for their graduation. Both take a treacherous blind curve without reducing speed.

14. Cassandra and Elijah take a walk, talking about how wonderful it will be when she turns eighteen and can legally leave her father. She yearns to be in Elijah’s arms as much as he years to hold her. She says each time he looks at her, she feels a flush in the pit of her stomach. “Look at me now ‘cause I’m very cold,” she says. Elijah takes off his jacket, looks at her, and puts the jacket around her shoulders. Suddenly she’s gone. Poof! Vanished in thin air. He picks up his jacket, turns on his cellphones flashlight, flashes it around looking for her—finally noticing his next step would have taken him into an open grave. Hearing a sound in some shrubs, he runs there and finds Sonny at the wheel of a backhoe. Melantha is soon beside him. She had told Sonny to fill in a grave that had been dug in the wrong place. She was afraid someone might fall into it. No, she hadn’t seen a girl run away.

15. Sitting on Elijah’s front porch as Sonny cleans weeds from the front shrubs, Buzz tries to convince Elijah that Cassandra could not possibly have vanished into thin air, and Elijah says not unless she was a hologram. They reminisce about seeing holograms at Disneyworld, but can’t seriously think Cassandra was one. Sonny tells them he liked Disneyworld, which he got to live close to when Melantha worked there behind the scenes.

16. When Lucy returns pictures to Elijah, she’s very upset at having passed an injured calf that she stayed with until Fire Chief Kevin could get there to take the calf to the town veterinarian. Elijah knows then that he’s lost his gift because if he hadn’t, he would have seen the calf and called for help. The camera was back at the office. Someone dropped it off on her desk.

16a Zayden asks Elijah and Buzz to ride their bikes to graduation so he can get their pictures in their caps and gowns coming off The Snake.

16c. In their graduation caps and gowns, Elijah and Buzz ride down The Snake and crash into a tree trunk blocking the path around the blind curve. Though severely injured himself, Elijah drags Buzz, who’s lost consciousness, down toward lower Bellamounta.

17. In the hospital Zayden gives them their diplomas. He says he now agrees that someone is trying to kill Elijah. He offers to pay all Elijah’s college expenses if he will write a will naming him as the beneficiary to receive his house. When both boys are sound asleep, Vera and daughter Zoe enter and tell Zayden they hope he hadn’t tried to talk property to Elijah in this condition. Openning his eyes, Elijah sees Zoe and says “Cassandra!”

18. In a small hospital room a doctor accesses Elijah’s mental health, and Elijah lies, saying he’d never seen Zoe before this very day.

18a. Melantha arrives and insists Elijah must spend the night with her and Sonny rather than home alone. Vera wants Elijah at her home in case she gets called back to the hospital to see Buzz, who is too weak to dismiss. Vera wins.

20. Elijah calls Grayson and tells him of his narrow escapes from death. Grayson agrees Daniel was killed, but without his remote-viewing to show him, he has no way of finding out why.

20. Zoe’s and Elijah’s interaction concludes with Elijah knowing that Zoe recently had a short role in a movie, during which she was required to pronounce A E I O U many times. Her recitation of some of her dialogue was word-for-word what Cassandra had said. Elijah tells her what he did when Buzz got him drunk, and Zoe starts putting her brother down, calling him a Daddy’s boy who’d do anything to get praise from gruff Zayden. Elijah defends Buzz, and they argue until Zoe ends their fray with a a kiss, which Elijah quickly gets into.

21. Elijah, alone in the church, asks God’s forgiveness for misusing his gift and pleads with Him to give it back so he can find his father’s killer and save his own life. As he exits he bumps into Melantha, carrying a shopping bag. She says she’s there to water plants.

22. Elijah goes to tell Janeen he’s lost his gift and won’t be able to help her prevent crime the way Daniel did. Before he can finish, she runs and throws up in the bathroom. Does the thought of pushing my mom down the belfry steps so you could have my dad to yourself make you sick to your stomach? She cries and tells him the nausea is morning sickness. Stunned, Elijah runs off, shouting back that she stole Lucy’s pictures too late. He already knew.

23. In bed that night, Elijah begs God to give him back his gift. His doorbell rings. It’s Janeen there to tell him she tried, but she didn’t get to first base with Daniel. And she deleted the pictures from the newspaper camera to keep Kevin from knowing she’d ever had a crush on another man.

24. The next morning in his pajamas, Elijah takes a full trash bag out of a plastic waste can, ties a knot in it, and opens the back door to take it to the trash can. As he steps off the porch, he’s blasted with a spray so hard it makes him stagger and finally fall. Sonny drops the hose, dials 911, and quick-dials another number.

25. Seeing Elijah passed out on the lawn, a cloaked figure in rubber gloves detaches the hose from a huge canister and attaches it to the house’s outside faucet, then grabs Sonny and they run away.

26. Janeen, Kevin, and medics arrive on the scene and can smell the gas that knocked Elijah out. The medics wheel Elijah away, and Kevin detaches the hose and takes it with him.

27. Zoe and Vera watch over Elijah, still unconscious in a hospital bed next to Buzz.

28. Kevin, Janeen, Grayson, and other FBI agents discuss the deadly concoction found in the hose.

29. Elijah awakens, calls Zoe Cassandra and asks her to use her psychic skills to find Daniel’s murderer.

30. Melantha assures a worried Sonny that whatever happens to Elijah, it is not his fault.

31. Elijah awakens and convinces Zoe and Vera that he needs to get out of the hospital. The women are perplexed that he’s wondering where a projector would have to be to project a movie on the wall of the mausoleum. They let him out at home, and while he’s waiting for them to drive away so he can head for the church, Sonny comes out of the bushes, hugs him, and tells hi how happy he is he wasn’t hurt badly. Elijah then goes to the church and starts up the spiral staircase to the belfry. Cut to:

31. Elijah leads Grayson up the staircase. Grayson takes pictures of the machinery there, texts them to headquarters, and is told it’s a sophisticated hologram projector probably able to work in sync with artificial intelligence found in one or many of the attached machines. It can be set to project at a particular time. The FBI has been monitoring a global syndicate they suspect plans to use holograms some way toward their goal of population control—something to gather people together so masses can be gassed simultaneously. Elijah thinks the canisters Shay saw Melantha putting in her plane might contain something other than milk for children.

32. At the airport Grayson’s men unload eight canisters, from Melantha’s plane, open one enough to sniff, and say they’ve found the culprit. Elijah tells Lucy, who has followed them, that she’s going to get the scoop of the century, and she keeps following.

33. Sonny tells Grayson and Elijah that his sister went to the church to pray. He tells Elijah how happy he is to see him well. He was worried.

34. Grayson and Elijah find Melantha in the belfry. Cool and unperturbed, she wants them to be the first to know the treat she has planned for the community. She tells her history—how she studied the art of holograms and artificial intelligence, how she learned to combine both. She has set a timer for the surprise to happen in the sky above the mausoleum in exactly three hours.

35. At Elijah’s request Fire Chief Kevin orders both firetrucks to speed through neighborhoods announcing over loud speakers for all to watch the sky over the mausoleum at that exact hour. They drive through lower Bellamounta also and notify radio and TV. People are abuzz, and Melantha is ecstatic.

36. Melantha ascends to her airplane and finds Janeen and Grayson waiting for her. Janeen arrests her, and she turns ugly and collapses.

37. At the exact hour expected a hologram of Sonny, looking exactly like Jesus, appears high in the sky and walks downward to earth. His lips repeatedly seem to say, “Meet me at the church.”

38. Using a loud speaker Elijah speaks to the hundreds outside the church and on the road leading to. Then he leads them in singing a hymn.

39. A year later: Wearing his Jesus attire, Sonny signs autographs to an adoring crowd. Zayden gloats and Vera look relieved at the construction in progress, Kevin and Janeen play with their infant baby, Melantha does exercises with other patients obviously in a mental institution. Elijah stops suddenly as he walks with Zoe and Buzz on a college campus. His gifts is back, and he excuses himself to call Grayson. Lucy Addams, now a TV reporter, reports the astounding improvements in Bellamounta—all because the new theme park featuring a hologram of Jesus, which looks very impressive on the TV screen.

#

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned with this assignment is how much reveals can increase mystery, intrigue, and suspense, and how planning them can make a big improvement in a plot.

Reveal 1:

Mystery: What gift mentioned by mourners is Elijah expected to inherit?

Mystery: Why does Elijah seem so reluctant to inherit it?

Intrigue: Is the gift the reason Elijah thinks his father was killed?

Reveal: When a remote-viewing member of the Evans family dies, the next person in line gets his gift increased to the dead person’s ability.

Reveal 2:

Mystery: Is Insensitive Zayden mean enough to kill Daniel for his property?

Mystery: Why does he keep upping the price he offers Elijah?

Intrigue: Why did he suggest Elijah and Buzz ride down The Snake in their caps and gowns?

Reveal: After their accident on The Snake, he shows he’s truly a loving, caring person.

Reveal 3:

Mystery: Why does Melantha believe Daniel was killed when others don’t?

Coverup: She’s the town matriarch, always doing something for others.

Intrigue: Was she really at the church to water the plants?

Mystery: Where does she take all those canisters of milk Shay sees her putting on her plane?

Intrigue: Why had she insisted that Sonny grow a beard and long hair?

Intrigue: Could she be the cloaked, masked person who helped Sonny after he sprayed Elijah and called 911?

Reveal: FBI agents smell the canisters on her plane and know she’s the villain.

Reveal 4:

Mystery: What can Cassandra meet Elijah only at the Mausoleum and only at 8 p.m. ?

Mystery: Is the reason she gives about being restricted by her father true?

Intrigue: If her psychic skill told her a clue was in Daniel’s wrecked car, why didn’t she also know Elijah should not open the glove compartment?

Reveal: Daniel puts his coat over her shoulders, she vanishes, and the coat drops to the path.

Is she a hologram?

Reveal 5:

Mystery: Why does Elijah call Zoe “Cassandra” when he wakes up at the hospital?

Mystery: Has Zoe. Pulled some kind of trick on Elijah?

Reveal: Her dialogue in a movie she recently acted in was the same as the story Cassandra told Elijah.

Reveal 6:

Mystery: Is Buzz misleading Elijah to help his father get his property?

Intrigue: He’s the one who got Elijah drunk and talked him into misusing his gift.

Intrigue: He researched Cassandra and found her story was a true one.

Reveal: He passes Elijah on The Snake and is badly injured by the tree blocking the path. He would never have passed if he was helping his father hurt Elijah.

Reveal 7:

Mystery: Was Daniel having an affair with Janeen?

Intrigue: Lucy shows Elijah suggestive pictures of Daniel and Janeen?

Intrigue: Might Janeen be responsible for Elijah’s mother falling down the belfry steps to her death? Did she push her to make Daniel a single man?

Reveal: Janeen tells Elijah she’s pregnant.

Later reveal: She never made it to first base with Daniel. She’s pregnant with Kevin’s baby.

Reveal 8:

Mystery: What had Daniel remote-viewed that caused him to be killed?

Intrigue: He had been on his way to see FBI agent Grayson when his accident occurred.

Reveal: Seeing the hologram projector in the belfry, he knew someone was up to no good.

Reveal 9:

Mystery: Did Elijah’s misuse of his remote-viewing gift cause him to lose it and therefore not inherit his father’s greater skill?

Intrigue: His gift to help animals in distress didn’t happen when Lucy found one he hadn’t been alerted to.

Intrigue: He asks God to give him Daniel’s bigger ability, but it hasn’t happened by the time Melantha

Reveal 10:

Mystery: What hologram did Melantha make to entice people to a place where she could easily kill them by having Sonny spray the deadly poison down on them?

Reveal: The hologram of Sonny, impersonating Jesus walking out of the cloud with his lips saying “Come to the church” brings thousands to outside the church and on the roads leading to it.

Reveal 11:

Mystery: What’s happening to all the people involved a year later?

Reveal: A theme park featuring the Jesus hologram has made Sonny a star. Zayden is happily overseeing construction of the hotel he so desired. Kevin and Janeen are parents of a new baby boy. Buzz, Elijah, and Zoe are at college, and Elijah’s remote-viewing is helping the FBI just as his father’s had.

Most of the reveals were already in my thriller map, but doing this assignment caused me to make two changes that I think add suspense and believabilithy.

Two Melantha intrigues:

Intrigue: Why had she insisted that Sonny grow a beard and long hair?

Intrigue: Could she be the cloaked, masked person who helped Sonny after he sprayed Elijah and called 911? (I previously intended her to be identified in this scene.)

Two Janeen intrigues:

Intrigue: Janeen tells Elijah she’s pregnant.

Reveall: She never made it to first base with Daniel. She’s pregnant with Kevin’s baby.

(I previously had her pregnant with Daniel’s baby.)

#

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Trust Relationships

I learned that having characters the hero trusts when he shouldn’t and doesn’t trust when he should builds emotion, intrigue, and suspense in the story. I added nine new things to my Thriller Map by doing this assignment.

1.

Hero: Elijah

Villain: Melantha

Red Herring Character: Zayden

Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Cassandra

Isn’t trusted, but should be: always Melantha, sometimes Sheriff Janeen and Buzz

2.

Elijah must find and expose his father’s murderer before he himself is killed. Whoever killed Daniel for what he saw by gift of remote-viewing will know that Daniel’s gift will now equal his father’s.

Melantha is not trustable, but appears trustable because she is the town’s thoughtful, benevolent matriarch and is loved and admired by the entire community

Zayden is trustable, but appears not trustable because he’s more interested in buying Elijah’s property than in allowing Elijah time to mourn.

Cassandra is not trustable, but—even though she’s a hologram—she seems real to Elijah, who researches and discovers the true backstory of a psychic girl whose father put her in hiding after her mother tried to exploit her—the story Cassandra claims as her own. Therefore, Elijah trusts her until she tries to lead him to an open grave.

Elijah doesn’t know whether or not to trust Sheriff Janeen, who was cool and composed when getting Daniel’s dead body out of his crashed car, but cried over-emotionally at his funeral. Adding to Elijah’s confusion are pictures he sees of her being overly chummy with Daniel. Elijah wonders if she might have killed his mother three months earlier—another death considered to be an accident.

Elijah wants to trust his best friend Buzz, but can he truly? After all, Buzz is the son of Zayden, whom Buzz might be keeping informed of what Elijah plans to do and when.

3.

ELIJAH/MELANTHA

Trust: Elijah trusts Melantha who agrees that Daniel was murdered for something he saw remotely.
Trust: Melantha brings Elijah a quiche and fruit for breakfast.
Trust: Melantha brings a casserole and salad after Elijah’s getting burned at the wreck site. She promises her simpleton brother Sonny will bring Elijah a set of encyclopedias for him to take to college.
Distrust: After he almost walks into an open grave, Elijah finds Melantha at the wheel of a backhoe. Elijah chides himself for at first being suspicious.
Trust: Melantha comes to the hospital and offers for Elijah to stay at her house when he’s dismissed.
Trust: When Elija exits the church, he bumps into Melantha, who says she’s there to water plants.

ELIJAH/ZAYDEN

Distrust: Zayden talks real estate business to Elijah, the grieving son.
Distrust: Driving Elijah and Buzz to the hospital after Daniel’s car blew up, Zayden ups his offer for Elijah’s home.
Distrust: Zayden tells Buzz and Elijah he’ll be at the bottom of The Snake to get their pictures riding it in their graduation caps and gowns.
Distrust: After both boys are hospitalized, Zayden asks Elijah to name him beneficiary to his house in exchange for all college expenses paid.

CASSANDRA/ELIJAH

1. Trust: Elijah trusts Cassandra after Buzz defends her for not attending the funeral. He has researched her and found the truth of her story about being an abused child psychic whose father hides her to keep her mother from exploiting her.

2. Mistrust: Elijah wonders why Cassandra didn’t arrive a little early on the day she missed his father’s funeral, but she regains his trust by supporting his theory that his father was murdered.

3. Trust: The psychic clue she gave him came true: his dad’s wrecked car contained his dad’s phone.

4. Mistrust: When he puts his coat over her shoulders, she disappears in thin air.

5. Mistrust: When he realizes that his next step on his walk with her would have been into an open grave.

SHERIFF JANEEN/ELIJAH.

Trust: But Elijah’s surprised at Janeen’s extreme tears and emotion at Daniel’s funeral.
Distrust: Lucy shows him compromising pictures of Janeen and Daniel.
Trust: She tells him she prevented a crime without any help, but is expecting his help from now on.
Trust: She admits the took the newspaper’s camera.
Trust: She tells him she’s pregnant with Daniel’s baby.

BUZZ/ELIJAH

Trust: Although Buzz thinks Elijah is crazy for falling in love with a girl who won’t let him touch her, he researches her and says she truly is the psychic she says she is.
Distrust: When Buzz suggests that Janeen maybe have killed Elijah’s mother to make Daniel a single man, is he trying to deflect Elijah’s suspicions about his own father?
Distrust: Did Buzz got Elijah drunk, did he do it to entice Elijah into breaking the rule for keeping his gift?
Trust: Buzz helps Elijah tear his way into Daniel’s wrecked car and catches fire when it explodes.
Trust: Buzz passes Elijah on The Snake and is first to run into the tree trunk pulled across the road.

NEW VERSION OF MY THRILLER MAP

Opening: Daniel’s graveside service

Unnamed people hug a distraught Elijah and oldsters tell him the Gift will now be his.
Mention of Daniel’s excellence as a minister. Mention of his grandmother and his great grandmother and the sadness of losing his mother only a few months ago.
Janeen (red-eyed and weeping) tells him she’ll now depend upon him to let her know any crimes being planned in Bellamounta.
Melantha assures him he’s right to think someone murdered his father and now they’ll be after Elijah.
Sonny, wide-eyed and frightened tells Elijah to be careful.
Zayden tells Elijah his offer to buy the Evans’ property to build a hotel and theme park still stands His wife Vera reprimands him for bringing up the subject at this time.
Buzz tells Elijah even though he still thinks he’s crazy for falling in love with a girl who won’t let him touch her, he thinks Cassandra was not being disrespectful by not coming to the funeral. They talk about her father’s unreasonable restrictions that control her life.
Melantha brings Elijah a quiche and fruit either for tonight or for breakfast the next day.

Inciting incident:

Cassandra says her psychic skill tells her a clue to his murder is in his wrecked car.
Lucy and Elijah finds pictures on the newspapers camera of Daniel and Janeen kissing.
Buzz suggests Janeen might have pushed Elijah’s mother down the belfry stairs to her death.
Helicopter pilot Shay, flying Elijah and Buzz to Daniel’s wrecked car, tells how Janeen was calm and cool when he flew her and Fire Chief Kevin to pull Daniel’s body from the smashed car. Also mentions Melantha loading her plane with large canisters.
Elijah finds Daniel’s cellphone in the wrecked car and pockets it. He opens the glove compartment, hears ticking, and jumps head-first out of the car before it explodes in flames.
Both he and Buzz catch on fire and roll in prickly bushes to put out the flame.
Sonny bemoans the mess they’ve made of the plane.
Zayden, driving both boys to the hospital, offers Elijah a higher price for his property.
Buzz assures Elijah his escape before the car exploded means he’s got his gift back.
Malantha and Sonny bring Elijah a casserole and salad.
Elijah calls a number from his father’s phone and calls Grayson, an FBI agent.
Elijah and Cassandra see Sonny passing—says he look like Jesus since he’s grown a beard.
Lucy, who awakens and finds camera missing, thinks someone spiked her tea.
Janeen brags about preventing a crime without help, but weeps to Elijah about Daniel.
On their bicycles Elijah passes Buzz and both take a blind curve without slowing down. Turning point 1:
Cassandra, leading Elijah into an open grave vanishes when Elijah puts his jacket on her shoulders.
Matilda (or Sonny—I can’t decide) drive a backhoe, wanting to fill the hole before someone gets hurt.
Elijah and Buzz discussion about her vanishing leads to speculation about holograms.
Sonny said he saw some at Disneyworld when Melantha worked there.
Elijah feels certain he’s lost his gift when Lucy tells him about helping an injured calf.
Zayden says he’ll wait at the bottom to take pictures of Elijah and Buzz as they bike down The Snake in their caps and gowns.
Buzz passes Elijah on The Snake and both crash into a tree blocking the path around the blind curve.
Elijah drags Buzz (unconscious) toward Zayden, who is waiting cellphone in hand.
In the hospital Zayden offers to pay Elijah’s college expenses if he’ll name him as beneficiary in his will.
Midpoint:
As Vera and Zoe comes into the hospital room, Elijah calls out, “Cassandra!”
Elijah lies to a doctor assessing his mental health, saying he’d never seen Zoe before.
Melantha and Vera argue politely about which of them should take Elijah home for the night.
Zoe’s telling about her role in a movie convinced Elijah that Cassandra is her hologram.
Elijah, leaving the church after asking God’s forgiveness for misusing his gift, bumps into Melantha coming in with aa big bag.
Janeen tells Elijah she’s pregnant with his dad’s child and swears their attraction to each other came only after his mother’s death.
In bed, Elijah begs God to give him back his gift.

Turning point 2:

Taking trash out, Elijah is blasted with a spray that knocks him out.
Sonny drops the hose and dials Melantha and then. 911.
Melantha removes the hose from the canister and runs away with Sonny.
Medics wheel Elijah to an ambulance.
Janeen and Kevin smell the gas and take the hose with them.
Zoe and Vera watch over Elijah, still unconscious in a hospital bed.
Kevin, Janeen, Grayson, and other FBI agents discuss the deadly gas concoction.
Elijah awakens and asks Cassandra to use her psychic skills to find who’s trying to kill him.
Melantha assures a worried Sonny that whatever happens to Elijah, it is not his fault.
Elijah awakens and convinces Zoe and Vera that he needs to get out of the hospital.
Zoe and Vera wait in their car until Elijah is inside his house.
Once they drive off, Elijah runs to the hospital.
He runs through the church and up the belfry staircase. Cut to:
Grayson follows Elijah up the staircase, takes pictures of the machinery there, texts them to headquarters, and is told it’s a sophisticated hologram projector probably able to work in sync with artificial intelligence found in one or many of the attached machines. The FBI expects a global syndicate has plans to use holograms for population control.
Elijah tells the officers about Melantha loading her plane with canisters.
Grayson’s men unload eight canisters from Melantha’s plane, sniff one, and nod.
Elijah tells Lucy to keep following for what might be the scoop of the century.
Sonny tells them his sister went to church to pray. He’s so happy Elijah is well.
Grayson, his men, and Elijah find Melantha in the belfry. Cool and unperturbed, she tells her history, how she studied the art of holograms and artificial intelligence, how she learned to combine both. She has set a timer for the surprise to happen in the sky above the mausoleum in exactly three hours.
Climax:
Kevin orders firetrucks to announce through all neighborhoodsthat everyone should watch the sky over the mausoleum at that exact hour.
People are abuzz, and Melantha is ecstatic.
Melantha ascends to her airplane and finds Janeen and Grayson waiting for her. Janeen arrests her, and she turns ugly and collapses.
At the exact hour a hologram of Sonny, looking exactly like Jesus, appears high in the sky and walks downward to earth. His lips repeatedly seem to say, “Meet me at the church.”
Elijah speaks to the hundreds outside the church and on the road leading to it. Then he leads them in singing a hymn.
A year later:
Zayden gloats and Vera looks relieved at the construction in progress, Kevin and Janeen play with their infant baby, Melantha—in a mental institution—looks down her nose at patients praying in the chapel. Elijah stops suddenly as he walks with Zoe and Buzz on a college campus. His gift is back, and he excuses himself to call Grayson. Wearing his Jesus attire, Sonny signs autographs to an adoring crowd. Lucy Addams, now a TV reporter, reports the astounding improvements in Bellamounta—all because the new theme park featuring a hologram of Jesus, which looks very impressive on the TV screen.

#

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel: Thriller Plot!

What I learned from this assignment is that carefully intertwining life threatening events and mysteries in each element of a screenplay’s structure makes a plot run with smoothness and suspense.

Opening: Greeting mourners after his father Daniel’s funeral, Elijah tells many that he’s sure his father was murdered for something he had remote-viewed.

Life threatening: From what mourners say, we learn that remote-viewing has been passed down in the Evans’ family for generations, so Elijah is expected to have the gift now as strong as his father had. Thus, whoever killed his father will now try to kill Elijah.

Mystery: Does Zayden, who tells Elijah at the graveside that his offer for the Evans’ house still stands, want it bad enough to kill for it? Why is Sheriff Janeen so overly emotional at Daniel’s graveside? Why does Melantha agree that Daniel was killed when others think Elijah is overreacting to his father’s auto accident?

Inciting incident: Cassandra tells Elijah his father’s wrecked car has a clue to his being killed.

Life threatening: Elijah almost gets killed in the wrecked car, but he gets out with his father’s cell phone with a text to an FBI agent indicating he’d remote viewed something ominous—too big for Janeen to take on.

Mystery: Was Daniel having an affair with Janeen, as the pictures he and reporter Lucy find on the newspaper’s camera indicate? Who put a sedative in Lucy’s tea and stole the camera while she slept? Who but Janeen would want those pictures? Why hasn’t Sonny, Melantha’s simpleton brother, had a shave or a haircut in six months?

Turning point 1: Cassandra tries to lure Elijah into an open grave.

Life threatening: Riding a backhoe, Sonny was on his way to fill in the grave Elijah almost fell in. Who sent him? The one who wanted him out of the way?

Mystery: Does Zayden’s huge monetary offer to Elijah to name him beneficiary to the Evans’ house legitimate, or is he making it because he plans to kill him? Did Buzz support Elijah’s relationship with Cassandra because he was his best friend, or to help his father?

Midpoint: After being injured in a bike accident, Elijah sees Zoe for the first time and realizes Cassandra was a hologram controlled by someone who wanted him dead.

Life threatening: Elijah is injured on his bike because a blind curve was blocked by a fallen tree.

Mystery: Will Elijah be safe from Zayden while staying at Buzz’s house?

Turning point 2: Elijah almost gets sprayed to death, and the hose contains a toxic gas.

Mystery: After he gets out of the hospital, will he find the machine that projected Cassandra near the mausoleum?

Climax: After Elijah and FBI agent Grayson know Melantha is the villain, she’s calm, cool, and unsuspecting, She claims the projector in the church belfry is set to make a wonderful display that will delight all Christians. The machinery is set to project into the sky in three hours.

Mystery: Why does Elijah talk the FBI man out of destroying the projector?

Resolution: As Melantha and Sonny board her plane, planning to fly over the crowd and spray them with a toxic chemical, Janeen arrests her. A huge crowd gathers at the church and roads leading to it to watch the hologram of Jesus descending from the crowds, Elijah speaks and leads them singing a joyous hymn.

A year later: Sonny signs autographs for an adoring crowd. Zayden gloats at construction in progress, Kevin and Janeen dance with romantic passion. In a mental institute’s chapel, Melantha looks down her nose at the worshippers. Elijah stops suddenly as he walks with Zoe and Buzz on a college campus, excusing himself to call Grayson, the FBI man. Lucy, now a TV anchor, reports on the astounding improvements in Bellamounta, all because of the new theme park featuring a hologram of Jesus, which looks very impressive on the TV screen.

#

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Life Threatening Sequence

I learned from that sequencing dangers to the hero is vital to build suspense, and that doing so helps flesh out both the characters and the plot.

Melantha, who killed Daniel for remote-viewing her holographic machinery in the church’s belfry, must now kill Daniel’s equally gifted son Elijah before his investigation into his father’s death reveals her sinister plan to kill all of Bellamounta’s Christians.

Elijah faces physical danger planned by Melantha at least four times:

When he activates a bomb by opening the glove box of his father’s wrecked car.
When Cassandra almost lures him into a dangerous situation: an open grave.
When Melantha’s simpleton brother Sonny sprays him with poison chemicals.
When he rides his bicycle down the path from upper to lower Bellamounta, he bumps into a tree trunk blocking the path.

Danger to someone Elijah just met: Lucy Addams, working on a story about Daniel, reviews pictures with Elijah taken by her predecessor on the newspaper’s camera. Many show enough to indicate Daniel may have been having an affair with Sheriff Janeen. Someone spikes Lucy’s afternoon tea so that she falls asleep on the job and awakens with the camera missing. Was it Janeen? And why won’t Janeen believe that Elijah was murdered? Maybe because she killed him?

Betrayal from someone close: When Buzz got Elijah drunk and talked him into viewing his girlfriend undressing in her bedroom, was he deliberately getting him to misuse his gift so that he might lose it? Was his encouraging Elijah’s unusual relationship with Cassandra motivated by knowing her job was to put him in life threatening situations? This idea becomes more likely when Buzz’s sister Zoe, who was model for the hologram Cassandra, comes home for a visit with her family and take an immediate liking to Elijah. Will finding out the details of her experience acting in a movie help Elijah find his father’s killer?

Public humiliation: Longtime residents of Bellamounta knows Elijah’s gift has been limited to seeing animals in distress, but everyone expects the more serious incidents that Daniel viewed will now go to his son, as had happened with Elijah’s great grandmother and grandmother. Only one at a time enjoys the complete gift. Elijah is stunned and humiliated when told of an injured calf dying in a ditch. His fear came true! His drunken prank cost him his gift.

A demand to stop pursuing the mystery: Is Zayden Briggs’ demand that Elijah stop looking for his father’s killer really motivated to protect Elijah’s saftety? Did he kill Daniel because he knew he’d never sell him the property he needs for his exorbitant hotel?

Does anyone care that Daniel had seen something bad enough to be killed for? Sheriff Janeen says she’s scared to get involved. Helicopter pilot Shay Copeland, who flies Elijah to Daniel’s wrecked car, scoffs at the idea until a bomb blows up and almost kills Elijah. Fire Chief Kevin Davis finally believes it when Sonny almost kills Elijah. No one will know Sonny was the sprayer—not even Elijah, but the viewer will know.

Sequence of mysteries:

Daniel’s graveside service: Unnamed people hug a distraught Elijah and oldsters tell him the Gift will now be his. Mention of Daniel’s excellence as a minister. Mention of his grandmother and his great grandmother and the sadness of losing his mother only a few months ago. Assurances that no one will ever replace him Janeen (red-eyed and weeping) tells him she’ll now depend upon him to let her know any crimes being planned in Bellamounta. Melantha assures him he’s right to think someone murdered his father. Zayden tells Elijah his offer to buy the Evans’ property still stands. His wife Vera reprimands him for bringing up the subject at this time.
Buzz assures Elijah that Cassandra was not being disrespectful by not coming to the funeral. They talk about her father’s unreasonable restrictions that control her life. Buzz clearly doesn’t support Elijah’s belief that his father was killed.

3. Nighttime: Elijah goes early to the mausoleum where he meets Cassandra, waits until 10 minutes past their usual time, starts to leave, glances back over his shoulder, and she’s there. She tells him he’s right to think his father was murdered. They talk about their gifts: hers is psychic, his is remote-viewing.

4. Lucy Addams comes to Elijah’s home next door to the church. Daniel’s death occurred on Tuesday, the weekly’s publication date, and the funeral on Friday. Now it’s Saturday and Lucy, a brand new reporter also new to Bellamounta, has the task of writing more than an obituary about Daniel. The story was planned before her predecessor left to report for The Daily Intrigue that publishes exposes. He left behind the newspaper’s camera he used with pictures he’d taken. Elijah is flabbergasted to find many of Daniel and Janeen showing much too much familiarity to each other. In one they are kissing and Janeenl has her hand firmly on his butt.

5. Elijah tells Buzz about Daniel and Janeen possibly being lovers. Buzz says maybe Janeen pushed his mother down the belfry stairs to make Daniel a single man.

6: Cassandra tells Elijah that Daniel’s car contains a clue to his father’s murderer.

7. Helicopter pilot Shay, flying Elijah and Buzz to Daniel’s wrecked car, tells how Janeen was hysterical when he flew her and Fire Chief Kevin to pull Daniel’s body from the smashed car. Also talk about how the airport couldn’t keep operating without eccentric Melantha’s frequent use of her private plane. She was just there yesterday loading the plane with large canisters, probably to take milk to some orphanage.

8. To gain entrance to the car, Elijah and Buzz tear off the passenger door. Elijah crawls in, finds Daniel’s cellphone and pockets it. He opens the glove compartment, hears ticking, and jumps head-first out of the car before it explodes in flames. Both he and Buzz catch on fire and roll in prickly bushes to put out the flame.

9. Shay’s helicopter land and they find Zayden waiting to drive them home. Sonny comes up to the plane with a broom as the men are disembarking. He bemoans the mess Buzz and Elijah make in their filthy condition. Zayden offers Elijah a higher price for his property. Buzz and Zayden argue about his not taking no for an answer.

10. Buzz asks Elijah how he knew to dive out of the car, and Elijah said the tick scared him, and a voice said “Go!” Buzz says that’s proof that he hasn’t lost the gift because of what he viewed the night they both got drunk. Elijah’s not so sure.

10. Elijah finds numerous phone calls to Janeen on his father’s phone and a text to Grayson Crowe which read, “Got a bad one,” with the reply, “I’m here. Come any time.” Elijah calls the number, finds that Grayson is an FBI agent who followed up on Daniel’s tips outside the Bellamounta area. Grayson wondered why Daniel didn’t arrive that day and is sorry to hear about his untimely death.

11. Cassandra takes credit for tipping Elijah off about a clue in his dad’s car. She’s so sorry her psychic skills hadn’t told her about the ticking bomb. Sonny passes and tells Elijah he looks like a guy who loves a girl. Elijah tells him he that ever since he grew that beard, he looks like a holy man. Sonny says, like Jesus? He says Melantha wants him to look like Jesus.

12. Slumped over her desk, Lucy awakens and finds the camera missing. When she call Elijah to ask for more pictures, she tells him she thinks someone put a sedative in her afternoon tea. Who but Janeen would want that camera?

13. Elijah and Buzz ride bikes down The Snake, a winding trail that leads to from upper to lower Bellamounta where they attend high school and are now going for rehearsal for their graduation. Both take a treacherous blind curve without reducing speed.

14. Cassandra and Elijah take a walk, talking about how wonderful it will be when she turns eighteen and can legally leave her father. She yearns to be in Elijah’s arms as much as he years to hold her. She says each time he looks at her, she feels a flush in the pit of her stomach. “Look at me now ‘cause I’m very cold,” she says. Elijah takes off his jacket, looks at her, and puts the jacket around her shoulders. Suddenly she’s gone. Poof! Vanished in thin air. He picks up his jacket, turns on his cellphones flashlight, flashes it around looking for her—finally noticing his next step would have taken him into an open grave. Hearing a sound in some shrubs, he runs there and finds Melantha at the wheel of a backhoe. She was on her way to fill in a grave that had been dug in the wrong place. She was afraid someone might fall into it. No, she hadn’t seen a girl run away.

15. Sitting on Elijah’s front porch as Sonny cleans weeds from the front shrubs, Buzz tries to convince Elijah that Cassandra could not possibly have vanished into thin air, and Elijah says not unless she was a hologram. They reminisce about seeing holograms at Disneyworld, but can’t seriously think Cassandra was one. Sonny tells them he liked Disneyworld, which he got to live close to when Melantha worked there.

16. When Lucy returns pictures to Elijah, she’s very upset at having passed an injured calf that she stayed with until Fire Chief Kevin could get there to take the calf to the town veterinarian. Elijah knows then that he’s lost his gift because if he hadn’t, he would have seen the calf and called for help.

16. In their graduation caps and gowns, Elijah and Buzz ride down The Snake and crash into a tree trunk blocking the path around the blind curve. Though severely injured himself, Elijah drags Buzz, who’s lost consciousness, down toward lower Bellamounta.

17. In the hospital Zayden gives them their diplomas. He says he now agrees that someone is trying to kill Elijah. He offers to pay all Elijah’s college expenses if he will write a will naming him as the beneficiary to receive his house. His wife Vera and his daughter Zoe enter and chide Zayden for his lack of empathy. Seeing Zoe, Elijah says “Cassandra!”

18. In a small hospital room a doctor accesses Elijah’s mental health, and Elijah lies, saying he’d never seen Zoe before this very day.

19. Vera insists that Elijah cannot spend the night alone in his house, so he spends the night at their home.

20. Elijah calls Grayson and tells him of his narrow escapes from death. Grayson agrees Daniel was killed, but without his remote-viewing to show him, he has no way of finding out why.

20. Zoe’s and Elijah’s interaction concludes with Elijah knowing that Zoe recently had a short role in a movie, during which she was required to pronounce A E I O U many times. Her recitation of some of her dialogue was word-for-word what Cassandra had said. Luckily, Zoe has none of Cassandra’s restrictions, and she and Elijah share a first, passionate kiss.

21. Elijah, alone in the church, asks God’s forgiveness for misusing his gift and pleads with Him to give it back so he can find his father’s killer and uncover the danger he’d seen. As he exits he bumps into Melantha, carrying a shopping bag. She says she’s there to water plants.

22. Janeen brings a meal to Elijah who tells her he’s lost his gift and won’t be able to help her prevent crime the way Daniel did. She cries and tells him she’s pregnant with Daniel’s baby, and she wants to have it, but not unless Elijah will accept it as his own half sister or brother. Stunned, Elijah asks her if she shoved his mother down the belfry steps.

23. In bed that night, Elijah begs God to give him back his gift.

24. The next morning in his pajamas, Elijah takes a full trash bag out of a plastic waste can, ties a knot in it, and opens the back door to take it to the trash can. As he steps off the porch, he’s blasted with a spray so hard it makes him stagger and finally fall. Sonny drops the hose, quick-dials his sister Melantha, and then dials 911.

25. Seeing Elijah passed out on the lawn, Melantha—in rubber gloves smiles as she detaches the hose from a huge canister and attaches it to the house’s outside faucet. She grabs Sonny and they run away.

26. Janeen, Kevin, and medics arrive on the scene and can smell the gas that knocked Elijah out. The medics wheel Elijah away, and Kevin detaches the hose and takes it with him.

27. Zoe and Vera watch over Elijah, still unconscious in a hospital bed.

28. Kevin, Janeen, Grayson, and other FBI agents discuss the deadly concoction found in the hose.

29. Elijah awakens, calls Zoe Cassandra and asks her to use her psychic skills to find Daniel’s murderer.

30. Melantha assures a worried Sonny that whatever happens to Elijah, it is not his fault.

31. Elijah awakens and convinces Zoe and Vera that he needs to get out of the hospital. The women are perplexed that he’s wondering where a projector would have to be to project a movie on the wall of the mausoleum. They let him out at home, but he goes to the church and starts up the spiral staircase to the belfry.

31. Grayson follows Elijah into the church and up the staircase. Grayson takes pictures of the machinery there, texts them to headquarters, and is told it’s a sophisticated hologram projector probably able to work in sync with artificial intelligence found in one or many of the attached machines. It can be set to project at a particular time. The FBI has been monitoring a global syndicate they suspect plans to use holograms some way toward their goal of population control—something to gather people together so masses can be gassed simultaneously. Might the canisters Shay saw Melantha putting in her plane contain something other than milk for children?

32. At the airport Grayson’s men unload eight canisters, from Melantha’s plane, open one enough to sniff, and say they’ve found the culprit. Elijah tells Lucy, who has followed them, that she’s going to get the scoop of the century, and she keeps following.

33. Sonny tells Grayson and Elijah that his sister went to the church to pray. He tells Elijah how happy he is to see him well. He was worried.

34. Grayson and Elijah find Melantha in the belfry. Cool and unperturbed, she wants them to be the first to know the treat she has planned for the community. She tells her history—how she studied the art of holograms and artificial intelligence, how she learned to combine both. She has set a timer for the surprise to happen in the sky above the mausoleum in exactly three hours.

35. Fire Chief Kevin orders both firetrucks to speed through neighborhoods announcing over loud speakers for all to watch the sky over the mausoleum at that exact hour. People are abuzz, and Melantha is ecstatic.

36. Melantha ascends to her airplane and finds Janeen and Grayson waiting for her. Janeen arrests her, and she turns ugly and collapses.

37. At the exact hour a hologram of Sonny, looking exactly like Jesus, appears high in the sky and walks downward to earth. His lips repeatedly seem to say, “Meet me at the church.”

38. Using a loud speaker Elijah speaks to the hundreds outside the church and on the road leading to. Then he leads them in singing a hymn.

39. A year later: Wearing his Jesus attire, Sonny signs autographs to an adoring crowd. Zayden gloats and Vera look relieved at the construction in progress, Kevin and Janeen play with their infant baby, Melantha does exercises with other patients obviously in a mental institution. Elijah stops suddenly as he walks with Zoe and Buzz on a college campus. His gifts is back, and he excuses himself to call Grayson. Lucy Addams, now a TV reporter, reports the astounding improvements in Bellamounta—all because the new theme park featuring a hologram of Jesus, which looks very impressive on the TV screen.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel: Mystery Sequence

I learned that starting with the villain’s big mystery leads to smaller mysteries—all of which threaten the hero’s life.

What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?

Melantha’s big secret is that she is almost ready to activate her devious plan to project a hologram of Jesus walking from above the clouds toward Bellamonta to lure Christians up the highest hill to the Community Church. While they all await the Second Coming, she will fly by in her Beechcraft Bonanza and her simpleton brother Sonny will release a mixture that—unknown to him—will kill the entire community. It’s a mixture of barium, aluminum salts, polymer fibers, thorium, and silicon carbide Melantha has bought and hoarded for many years.

What mysteries help cover that secret?

Remote-viewing Daniel Evans remotely saw her installing equipment in the church belfry, so she had to kill him. She slit his tire, counting on him being unable to manipulate the most dangerous mountain curve, but she had a backup plan—just in case—a dirty bomb that opening the glove compartment would activate, blow up, and destroy him and his car.

After Daniell’s funeral Zayden Briggs presses Elijah to sell him the Evans’ family home, offering a huge sum. Did he kill Daniel just to get his son to sell the property? Sheriff Janeen made a spectacle of herself moaning and crying at the graveside service. Everyone knew that her excellent reputation as a crime preventer was due to Daniel’s remote-viewing tips, but had their relationship gone beyond professional?

Everyone also knows that Elijah inherited the remote-viewing skill, so Melantha needs to kill him too—especially because he wants to prove that Daniel was murdered She uses Cassandra, a hologram whose highly advance artificial intelligent enables her to carry on normal conversations. Cassandra gives Elijah a tip for finding a clue to his father’s death, hoping to lead him to open the glove compartment and blow himself up. Sheriff Janeen seems disinclined to investigate who wanted Daniel dead and who almost killed Elijah and just as disincline to answer questions from Lucy Addams, reporter for the town’s weekly newspaper.

When Elijah escapes before the dirty bomb blows, Melantha has Cassandra lure him to walk into an open grave, with her standing by with a backhoe to quickly cover him with dirt. It’s a cold night, and when Elijah puts his jacket around Cassandra’s shoulders, she dissolves into thin air. Using his cellphone as a flashlight to search for her, he sees the open grave, where his next step would have taken him. Melantha’s excuse for being on the back hoe ready to throw dirt on his body was that she’d seen that misplaced grave and wanted it filled before someone got hurt falling into it.

Zayden tries to persuade Elijah to write a will, naming him as the inheritor of the Evans’ property, in the event of his death. He offers a sum large enough to pay for Elijah’s next four college years if he will do so. Is it because he knows someone else is trying to kill Elijah, or because he himself is the one?

In preparation for gassing the entire community, Melantha had trained her simpleton younger brother Sonny to unwind a hose nozzle to spray whatever is contained in the attached canister. Sonny waits for Elijah to come out of his back door, at which time he’ll spray him good. Poor Sonny, who has no idea the spray will harm Elijah, stops spraying when he realizes it has. He calls Melantha and 911. Melantha attaches the hose to a water nozzle, takes the canister, and runs before Sheriff Janeen arrives, followed by Lucy with her reporter notebook.

Elijah now knows that whoever killed his father knows how to use holograms and poisonous gasses and does not hesitate to kill anyone who gets in his way. Could that person have also killed his mother? Why would she have gone to the belfry? Noises! She heard noises and went up to see what was going on. She saw something she shouldn’t have seen and had to be killed. But Janeen and Fire Chief Kevin Davis had found nothing amiss there. Of course! Whatever it was would have to be removed until his mother’s death had been investigated.

As Elijah’s best friend, Buzz Briggs is in each chain of these mysteries, causing the viewer to wonder if he truly wants to help Elijah, or is he cleverly leading him to selling his property to his father? More suspicions are aroused when Buzz’s sister Zoe, whom Elijah has never met, comes for a visit and Elijah recognizes her as the model for Cassandra. Sonny’s innocently revealing why he is growing a beard also contributes to solving the movie’s big mystery. With his beard, he looks so much like Jesus.

#

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel: Villain Has a Great Plan!

From this assignment I learned that the villain’s backstory is very important.

Melantha Morris is Bellamount’s eccentric, rich old maid, beloved by all for the many charitable things she’s done in the community. In late 1999 when the town’s population outgrew the town’s only church, her contribution made the church’s expansion plan possible. She goes there often to meditate and is sometimes seen in the belfry, leaning with her eyes closed against the giant bell. Most marvel that a woman her age, 65 if she’s a day, can navigate the narrow winding stairs leading to the town’s highest spot. But then, everyone knows high heights don’t bother her. She flies her own airplane, a Beechcraft G36 Bonanza, often dipping her wings to say hello as she flies low over Main Street.

Old-timers remember that she once was expected to marry a young man who lived briefly in Bellamount when he was part of a contraction crew that built a bridge and road that made descending from this mountain town easier, though still somewhat dangerous. When the job was completed, he left town, and Melantha never married.

What old-timers didn’t know was that he had decided to become a priest, choosing a celibate life over married life with Melantha, who has hated Christian ever since. Her goal is to kill every Christian in Bellamount, but she wants to do it with a pizzazz that will make her a legend, not in the community—for there will be no one left—but in the world. At heart, she’s an atheist and thinks Christians are stupid, as she will have proven once she carries out her plan.

She took many years perfecting the art of hologram technology, and a timed projector in the church belfry will project a hologram of Jesus into the sky, showing him arriving for the second coming. As He come closer and closer, she will pull behind her Beechcraft (disguised with a new paint job) a banner saying “COME TO BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH.” She has practiced many low flights so as to be sure not to fly within the confines of the hologram.

She will padlock the church so her victims will gather around it and in the streets leading to it—easy prey to be killed instantly by the barium, aluminum salts, polymer fibers, thorium, and silicon carbide she has bought and hoarded for many years. Even though she had to drive many miles to do so because of that pest Elijah who always saved local animals in trouble, she tested it on a zoo’s monkey, panda, and wolf and knows that it works. She was sorry she could not take credit for all three mysterious deaths which were highly reported by the media.

Melantha was not sorry she had to slit Daniel’s tire so he’d be sure to lose control of his car on one of the sharp curves going down the mountain. She hated that family with their telesthesia and travelling clairvoyance, and had been very careful not to arouse suspicion with both Daniel’s mother and grandmother. But Daniel’s deeming power seemed to extend beyond his decision to use it. Something led him to the danger he needed to see.

Melantha had come this far—she couldn’t allow him to live. If the slit tire hadn’t done the trick, she would have found another way. Just as she’d found a way with both her parents when they wouldn’t give her the money she wanted to follow her boyfriend and lure him away from the priesthood. Too bad inheriting money hadn’t helped persuade him from his so-called calling. She certainly intended to let him know he caused the death of every Christian in Bellamount. And after she did, she’d find another belfry and keep killing Christians for the rest of her life.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel: Stacking Suspense

What I learned from this assignment is I don’t even have a good start for writing a thriller. I was very impressed at the interaction of the characters in both Basic Instinct and The Silence of the Lambs—possibly (I think) only because the writer knew them all well before putting one word into the screenplay itself. I know only three of my characters well at this point. Horrors!

I learned that very short scenes build mystery and suspense, but the long ones contribute the most intrigue. That’s when the viewer gets insight into characters’ inner workings and truly starts liking the hero and fears for his/her safety.

As unlikeable as Nick is, I still didn’t want Catherine to kill him. Hannibal was almost more likable than Nick. In fact, he would have been a very charming character if he didn’t have than nasty habit of eating people.

Watching and analyzing both these movies was a good assignment. Both show how MIS can exist in almost every scene, one building on the next, putting more and more questions in the viewer’s mind, keeping the viewer engrossed.

I need to get my characters fully drawn and my plot further developed before I can think of going further. Luckily, these movies have stimulated my imagination, and I hope the right ideas come to me in time for me to keep up with this class.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel: Big M.I.S.

From this assignment I learned that the danger to the hero must escalate even if the hero and the viewer don’t know where it’s coming from.

Logline: Elijah suspects his remote-viewing father Daniel was murdered to keep him from revealing a diabolical plot he’d witnessed with his inner eye. When authorities discredit his suspicion, Elijah must—with only his girl-crazy friend Buzz to help him—discover who killed him, what the plot is, and prevent the plot from happening.

What are the conventions of my story?

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Elijah is the naive, somewhat sheltered ,18-year-old son of Daniel Summers, Christian minister who uses his remote-viewing capability for the benefit of the tiny mountain community.

Dangerous Villain: Morris Stoker hates Christians, wants to eliminate the religion from the entire United States, and will kill anyone who gets in his way.

High stakes: The closer Elijah comes to discovering the truth, the more his life is in danger and the more likely most American Christians will be wiped out.

Life and death situations: A beautiful girl that Elijah doesn’t know is a hologram leads him to fall into an open grave.

In his father’s wrecked car, when Elijah finds a clue that convinces him the plot is not only against his community, but against the entire United States, the car blows up and he barely escapes.

This story is thrilling because:

Everyone in the community knows that Daniel’s mother and grandmother both had remote-viewing skills and assume that Elijah inherited it to.

Stoker can’t take the chance that Elijah might see his plan with his inner eye.

No one except Elijah and Buzz know that God took the skill away when Elijah misused it by looking into the girls’ locker room. Daniel has warned him this would happen.

The Big M.I.S. of my story:

Big Mystery: Can Elijah get the FBI to believe there’s danger to the entire nation when he doesn’t know what it is?

Big Intrigue: Morris Stoker is coordinating multiple high spots in the United States to simultaneously splash holograms of Jesus coming down from the clouds to draw Christians together for His second coming so they can be gassed and killed in mass.

Big Suspense: The main danger to Elijah is that Morris Stoker wants him dead so he can’t remote-view the nearby location of his hologram equipment.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel

THE PENTHOUSE Thriller Conventions

What I learned is that many unexpected twists and turns keep suspense built up in a movie..

Unwitting but Resourceful Hero is Peter, the Penthouse tenant, who watches a couple fighting frequently on a yacht docked within the marvelous view from eleven stories up.

Dangerous Villain is Charles who confines Tess to the boat while he cheats people needing storm renovations.

Peter’s wife Amanda befriends Tess when she comes to her shop.

Charles slaps Tess for leaving the boat.

Amanda suspects Tess’s facial bruise is from Charles.

Peter and Amanda see Charles in a bar, Peter tries to talk to him, but gets rejected.

Peter sees Charles taking boxes from the boat, and Tess is no longer around.

Charles apologies to Peter and invites him to the boat for beer. When Peter mentions Charles’ military days, Charles gets angry and tells him to leave.

Back in the penthouse, suspense builds as Peter can’t find Amanda although she’s at an event he knew she was going to.

The next day Peter gets arrested, charged with trespassing and stalking. There’s a video of him looking at Charles military memorabilia when going to the head and getting a beer.

Police won’t believe anything is suspicious about Charles, but have the video evidence against Peter.

The stakes get higher. Peter faces jail although he’s released on bond.

Peter is awakened by someone trying to get in the penthouse. Suspense builds when it happens a second night when alarm goes off. Peter gets a gun, finds no one, but leaves the gun out.

The next day Charles enters the penthouse, takes a sword from the wall, breaks the glass on a picture, and sprawls on a couch smoking a cigar.

Amanda spots all the things changed in the penthouse, but police don’t seem to take it seriously. She blames Peter because he should not have watched Charles and Tess from above.

It’s up to Peter to prove he’s good and Charles is bad. He googles and discovers that Charles was honorably discharged for stealing government property. He suspects he killed Tess.

When Peter discovers their dog Humphrey is missing, he drives his boat to Charles’ yacht, gets on it and finds Humphrey. He puts Humphrey in his boat, but Charles arrives before he gets in it himself.

Charles shoots a missed shot at Peter and the two then confront each other in the belly of the boat.

Peter accuses Charles of killing Tess, and he says he weighted her body and dumped her in the water.

Charles aims the gun at Peter and pulls the trigger, but there’s not another bullet. Peter pushes the sword into his heart.

Police by now have discovered the Charles follows storms along the water, gets 50% of a promised renovation job, and never returns to do the work.

Divers find Tess’s body in the red dress she bought from Amanda’s shop.

Peter and Amanda plan to move out of the penthouse and away from the bad memories.

This movie started with a realtor showing the penthouse to Peter and Amanda, who immediately fell in love with it. It ends with the same realtor showing it to another couple with the same reaction.

The Big Mystery was: Did Charles kill Tess?

The Big Intrigue was: Charles always outwitted Peter until the very end.

The Big Suspense was: Would Charles get off, but Peter get convicted?

I would not say this was a great thriller because the bad guy was obvious from the start, so the viewer knows he’s going to lose in the end. But it was suspenseful anyway and followed the expected thriller conventions.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel. I am a multiple-produced playwright and published novelist hoping to become a produced screenwriter. I have written three rom coms which I hope this class will help me upgrade to a salable stage. But my major reason for taking this class is because I think I have a super idea for a thriller, but I haven’t the faintest notion about how to write one.

I am an Edgar Cayce ambassador who has introduced hundreds to the renowned psychic with two books on his readings and eight years of classes on his insights into both creation and reincarnation.

Something strange and unusual about me is that I will never be able to pitch because I cannot hear well on the telephone. I’ll need to write better queries than the dozens I’ve sent that received no answers.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel: I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Lenore]

BOB BLAND

Member June 8, 2022 at 12:18 am

Reply

Bob Bland…. Query Letter Draft One

Hal asked us to change anything we thought needed changing, but I felt weird doing so because I had to guess at so many things like budget, size, and the circumstances of Tam’s and Frank’s meeting after 14 years. Good luck with this!. It sounds lnteresting. I hope you’ll critique mine for SWEETIE HEAVEN. I put my changes in red, but they didn’t come out red when I posted them here. Lenore

Learned? Hooks and editing things down are key.

Title: DOC BAND-AID

Genre: Drama/Romance

Dear (name),

Because you mentioned on Clubhouse you were looking for drama/romance scripts, I’d like to tell you about my mid-budget film that’s complete at 120 pages.

Can two broken people once deeply in love reconnect fourteen years later, heal under difficult circumstances, and love again?

After witnessing both the bombing of his Vietnamese fiancé’s village and the battlefield death of his fellow medic and best friend, Frank (Doc Band-Aid) was devastated.

Fourteen years later, thinking Tam dead, he’s shocked to see her handing out sandwiches to the destitute—and he’s one of them! She angrily accuses him of abandoning her in Vietnam. Although Tam’s become engaged to a more stable man, a small drawing gives Frank hope of reuniting with her. He sketched it for her many Vietnam years ago—and she’s kept it!

I met with and interviewed veterans to bring dimension and authenticity to this story. Additionally, I refined the script with notes and feedback from industry experts. Finally, a table read was held with professional actors to ensure the fluency of the dialogue.

If you like the concept, I’d be honored to send you the script.

Respectfully,

Bob Bland, 29177 Flowerpark Dr., Canyon Country, CA 91387; bobeblue@sbcglobal.net; 323.775.7617

[Lenore]

SWEETIE HEAVEN: Lenore Bechtel’s Target Market

From this assignment I learned that finding the right director is easy, but finding contact information for them is not. I hope we’ll cover that problem in one of the next lessons.

Logline: How can Meredith sing her own style and not alienate her Sweet Adeline family and remain a virgin and not lose her horny boyfriend?

Or

MUSIC MAN meets STRICTLY BALLROOM as Meredith wants to sing her own style without alienating her Sweet Adeline family and keep her chastity vow without losing her horny boyfriend.

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Five movies similar to SWEETIE HEAVEN:

WORK IT. TALL GIRL 2 . SEX APPEAL. HOLLYWOOD STARGIRL. CRUSH

Five actors who could play Meredith:

Ava Michelle, Sabrina Carpenter, Mika Abdalla, Grace VanderWaal, Angourie Rice

Producers who have produced rom/coms:

Tristram Miall Strictly Ballroom

Alicia Keys Work It

Elysa Koplovitz Dutton

Leslie Morgenstein

Corey L. Marsh Tall Girl 2

Mary Viola

Ryan Bennett Sex Appeal

Mark Fasano

Jeremy Garelick

Micky Liddell

Robbie Brenner

Andres Deane

Joey King

Ellen Goldsmith-Veing Hollywood Stargirl

Jordan Horowitz

Lee Stollman

Scott Aversano The Paper Boy

Scott Rudin

Chris Bender Senior Year

Timothy M. Bourne

Todd Garner

Rebel Wilson

Andrew Rouleau. What If

Danielle Renfrew Crush

Ryan Bennett

Andrew Miano The Farewell

Katie Newman The Last Man on Earth

Will Phelps Big Time Adolescence

Ben Poppleton The Ivies

Tara Riedl Crush

Britta Rowings Fatherhood

Maya Rudolph

Paul Weitz About a Boy

Chris Weitz

Reese Witherspoon

Ric Kidney Legally Blonde

Marc Platt

Albert Berger Election

David Gale

Keith Samples

Ron Yerxa

Gary Barber Four Christmases

Roger Birnbaum

Jonathan Glickman

Julie Ansell

James L. Brooks

Laurence Mark

Paula Weinstein 32

Stokely Chaffin Sweet Home Alabama

Neal H. Moritz

Sandra Varona. Filly Brown

Kip Calendine Valley Girls

Tina Iviev

Biaanca Malinowski

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Query Letter Draft ONE

I learned from this assignment is that the query should go only to producers who’ve made the same genre movie in the same budget range. And. Only a hook, not the plot, is enough for a query.

Dear Producer:

Title: SWEETIE HEAVEN

Genre: Romantic

Comedy

How can Meredith sing her own style and not alienate her Sweet Adeline family and remain a virgin and not lose her horny boyfriend?

Meredith’s tired of barbershop, but Gran—one of the founding Sweet Adelines—needs her singing lead in her quartet (the Dapper Dolls) to win the 1984 Gulf-Atlantic Regional and get her first chance to compete nationally. Will she stop going rogue on stage, and straighten up and sing straight barbershop?

Meredith turns down Quincy’s marriage proposal one moment, and sees him taking Sexy Squaw to a drum circle the next. She dumps him, but wonders, was she loony for refusing to be engaged if the diamond came with sexual expectations?

Even though a last-minute rule change prevents Meredith from singing with Gran at Regional, a surprise fill-in saves the night and they win. But Meredith’s new quartet, The Rhythmettes, steals the show causing squealing young females to swarm the stage to hug quartet after they sing “Biblical Brushoff” about dumping guys who pressure gals for pre-marital sex.

The after-show action ends this musical movie when Quincy sings a proposal to Meredith, promising to honor her chastity vow and keep it himself if she’ll let him place a ring on her finger.

Gran wishes outloud for a fourth generation Sweet Adeline, and all backstage listeners form a circle, kick, throw their arms toward Sweetie Heaven, and shout, “It’s great to be a Sweet Adeline.”

I am a multi-produced playwright and a former Sweet Adeline who knows this could be cast with any winning SA chorus (500 worldwide), making it low budget, but box office appealing.

If you’d like me to send a script that merges MUSIC MAN with STRICTLY BALLROOM and supports chastity until marriage while spoofing barbershop zealots, I’ll be in sweetie heaven the moment I get it out to you.

Harmoniously,

Lenore Vinyard Bechtel

306 S. 1st. Street, Eufaula, OK 74432 lbechtel@consolidated.net 936-499-7694

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s phone pitch

I learned a phone pitch needs to be even briefer than a query letter.

Lesson 9:

I’ll open with:

Hi, I’m Lenore Bechtel and I have a singing Strictly Ballroom movie that supports chastity until marriage while spoofing barbershop zealots. I’m a multi-produced playwright turned screenwriter, and I’m wondering if I could run a quick logline by you?

I’ll say this if the answer is yes:

How can Meredith sing her own style and not alienate her Sweet Adeline family and remain a virgin and not lose Quincy, her horny boyfriend?

This could be a very low-budget film using singers/actors from any winning SA chorus (500 worldwide) and maybe even with stars like Olivia Rodrigo (Disney’s Bizaardvark) or Meredith Bechtel (Dear Evan Hansen) as Meredith and Forrest Goodluck (The Revenant) as Quincy.

The script is 122 pages and you’ll be the first to see it.

If asked for the plot, I’ll be prepared with these:

Meredith’s tired of barbershop, but Gran—one of the founding Sweet Adelines—needs her singing lead in her quartet (the Dapper Dolls) to win the Gulf-Atlantic Regionals and get her first chance to compete nationally.

Gran (Marilee) named her daughters Marilou and Maryjane, and you can guess why Marilou named her firstborn Meredith and her twin daughters Doe and Rae. Can Meredith defy such competition-driven, Sweet Adeliners and sing the songs she’s writing with her Native American boyfriend Quincy?

Or WAS writing. She refuses to accept an engagement ring from Quincy because it comes with an expectation of pre-marital sex. She won’t break her vow of chastity until marriage, but she doesn’t hesitate to break up with Quincy when she sees him out with Sexy Squaw.

Meredith’s plan to sing with both the Dapper Dolls and her new quartet, the Rhythmettes, at Regionals is squelched when judges change the rule, but a surprising last-minute fill-in helps the Dapper Dolls win anyway.

The Rhythmettes, though, steal the show singing “The Biblical Brush-Off” about dumping guys who pressure gals for sex before marriage. An avalanche of girls from the audience swarm the stage hugging the quartet for standing up for them so bravely.

Here’s the ending:

The backstage action after the show ends this musical movie when Quincy draws a crowd from out of the dressing rooms as he sings a proposal to Meredith, promising to honor her chastity vow and keep it himself if she’ll let him place a ring on her finger.

Gran wishes outloud for a fourth generation Sweet Adeline, and the backstage group forms a circle, kicks, throws their arms toward Sweet Heaven, and shouts, “It’s great to be a Sweet Adeline.”

If you’d like to read the script, I’ll be in Sweetie Heaven the moment I send it out to you.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Pitch Fest Pitch

I learned from this assignment that by editing out details I once thought important for describing my scripts, I could make it easier to understand and actually increase suspense about how the outcome was accomplished. Here’s my pitch:

My name’s Lenore Bechtel and I’m a 13-play produced playwright and a former Sweet Adeline. I’ve written a family comedy called SWEETIE HEAVEN, which is where all barbershop singers are when they win competitions and where they expect to be when they sing in the afterlife.

This could be a very low-budget film using singers/actors from any winning SA chorus (500 worldwide) and maybe even with stars like Olivia Rodrigo (Disney’s Bizaardvark) or Meredith Bechtel (Dear Evan Hansen) as Meredith and Forrest Goodluck (The Revenant) as Quincy.

My story wonders how my protagonist Meredith—a third generation Sweet Adeline—can sing her own style without alienating her family and remain a virgin without losing her horny boyfriend?

Her Dapper Dolls quartet loses their tenor because Meredith goes rogue on stage, and they must find a new tenor in time to win the 1984 Gulf-Atlantic Regional for Meredith’s grandmother’s first chance at nationals.

Gran, whose name is Marilee, gave her girls stage names: Marilou who became a top gun Sweetie, and Marijane, the family skeleton who either dropped out or was kicked out of the original Dapper Dolls. Marilou hates that Meredith dislikes strictly barbershop.

Meredith and her Native American boyfriend Quincy are writing songs for an album called “Songs of Sages,” but that comes to a halt after Meredith refuses a diamond ring because it comes with sexual expectations, and she has taken a vow of chastity until marriage.

Heartbreak! Meredith dumps Quincy when she sees him taking out Sexy Squaw.

Complications! The Dapper Dolls keep losing tenors.

Conflict! Marilou slaps at Meredith for forming a new quartet, the Rhythmettes, to sing her original music.

Good news! A Record Producer is in the Gulf-Atlantic competition.

Bad news! No singer will be allowed to sing in two quartets.

Still, the Dapper Dolls win so Gran gets her chance at nationals, but the Rhythmettes’ “Biblical Brushoff” about dumping guys who pressure gals for pre-marital sex starts an avalanche of females swarming the stage to hug the quartet.

Backstage after the show the Record Producer says he’ll have the Rhythmettes’ single on the airwaves pronto and encourages Quincy and Meredith to finish their album.

A backstage crowd gathers as Quincy sings a proposal to Meredith promising to honor Meredith’s chastity vow and keep it himself if she will accept the diamond engagement ring.

As he slips it on her finger, he says he hopes their new break in the record business will make their engagement a short one, and Gran says, “Yes! And give me a great granddaughter—a fourth generation Sweet Adeline.”

All form a circle, kick, lift their arms toward Sweetie Heaven, and shout, “It’s great to be a Sweet Adeline!” And that concludes my very merry, musical.

If you’d like to read this script, I’ll be in sweetie heaven the moment I get it out to you.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s query letter

Dear Producer,

Title: SWEETIE HEAVEN

Genre: Family Musical Comedy

How can Meredith sing her own style and not alienate her Sweet Adeline family and remain a virgin and not lose her horny boyfriend?

Especially when the Dapper Dolls lose their tenor because Meredith goes rogue on stage, singing her better-than-barbershop style and baffling the quartet’s other three. Can they find a good tenor in time to win Gulf-Atlantic Regional and give Gran her first chance at nationals?

And especially when Quincy proposes marriage to Meredith one moment and takes a Sexy Squaw to a drum circle the next. Was Meredith loony for refusing to be engaged if the diamond came with sexual expectations?

These questions get answered at Regional competition when squealing young females swarm the stage to hug Meredith’s new quartet, The Rhythmettes, after they sing “Biblical Brushoff” about dumping guys who pressure gals for pre-marital sex.

This playwright turned screenwriter, with thirteen plays produced by community theaters and one college, is a former Sweet Adeline who knows this could be cast with any winning SA chorus (500 worldwide), making it low budget, but box office appealing.

If you’d like me to send a script that merges MUSIC MAN with STRICTLY BALLROOM and supports chastity until marriage while spoofing barbershop zealots, I’ll be in sweetie heaven the moment I get it out to you.

Harmoniously,

Lenore Vinyard Bechtel

306 S. 1st. Street, Eufaula, OK 74432 lbechtel@consolidated.net 936-499-7694

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel Synopsis Hooks

I learned from this assignment that a synopsis should hook the reader but not tell the whole plot.

Title: SWEETIE HEAVEN

Written by Lenore Vinyard Bechtel

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Meredith goes rogue on stage at an early 1984 Sweet Adeline show, baffling and enraging the others in the Dapper Dolls quartet. Audience members, except for barbershop zealots, love her singing of original lyrics, written by her and her boyfriend Quincy, a Native American, with whom she plans an album, “Songs of the Sages.”

After her controversial performance, Meredith is thrilled when Quincy proposes until she discovers he thinks being engaged makes pre-marital sex okay. At age twelve, Meredith took a vow of chastity until marriage. She won’t accept the small diamond ring with sexual ties to it.

Dapper Dolls’ tenor Ashley fears Meredith unpredictability will spoil the quartet’s chances of winning the Gulf-Atlantic regional, so she drops out to join a quartet which dropped Neva, who’s not married, because her pregnancy interfered with competition timeline.

Marilou, Meredith’s mother and Dapper Doll baritone who’s very angry at Meredith, arranges tryouts for tenors. As six tenors blend their voices singing “I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate” with Meredith, Marilou, and Meredith’s Gran, Citrus Chorus members make catty comments throughout. At the end Kelly, a Native American and new Sweet Adeline, whispers loudly, “I could do ten times better!”

Amused at first that a new member thinks she’s good enough for the Dapper Dolls, Meredith befriends Kelly who shows her how to write harmony for her originals songs so she might persuade her quartet to use them. They see Maryjane, Marilou’s sister, singing and dancing in a small practice room and wonder why she dropped out (or got kicked out) of the original Dapper Dolls.

While walking across campus after their last philosophy class, Quincy pulls Meredith behind bushes for passionate kissing which almost goes too far. Sadly, Meredith leaves, telling him she can’t be alone with him any more. His erection keeps him from following her.

When Meredith discovers Kelly is Quincy’s sister, she doesn’t let Kelly know how much she loves her brother. Meredith is with Kelly at her father Gerald’s music store when Quincy comes in with Sexy Squaw to pick up drums for a drum circle. After awkward introductions, Meredith flees, but waits outside, hoping Quincy will follow her. He doesn’t, and she’s devastated.

Will the Dapper Dolls find a tenor in time to win Gulf-Atlantic so Gran can have her first chance at nationals? Will Meredith have the spunk to defy Marilou and sing her own style with her own quartet? Will she and Quincy ever get back together? And will she remain a virgin if they do?

All these questions get answered at the Gulf-Atlantic Regional competition when Meredith’s quartet, The Rhythmettes, sing her original “Biblical Brushoff” about dumping guys who pressure gals for pre-marital sex and happily squealing females, ages fifteen to twenty-five, swarm the stage and hug the quartet members.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

From this assignment I learned that I should definitely memoize a one-sentence high concept and a one-sentence elevator pitch to be prepared to tell anyone what “Sweetie Heaven” is all about.

High Concept:

How can Meredith sing her own style and not alienate her Sweet Adeline family and remain a virgin and not lose her horny boyfriend?

Elevator Pitch:

“Sweetie Heaven” supports chastity until marriage while spoofing barbershop zealots as “Music Man” meets “Strictly Ballroom” in this low-budget, merry musical.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned from this assignment was the necessity of seeing a scene from the audience’s point of view.

Meredith is bored and frowning as she and the jubilant Citrus singers rush backstage after a well-received performance, and Meredith, Marilou, Gran, and Ashley unzip their costumes to change to their Dapper Doll quartet costumes.

On stage when the Dapper Dolls sing “So shine on, shine on harvest moon,” Meredith takes a big step forward, and sings, “For my own majority” and the tenor, baritone, and bass are flustered trying to harmonize with original lyrics, co-authored by Meredith and Quincy, her boyfriend.

During a passionate kiss and after offending Meredith by trying to get too sexual, Quincy puts a small diamond ring on her left ring finger, but when he seems to think being engaged makes pre-marital sex okay, Meredith gives the ring back to him.

Citrus singers share condescending comments as tenors audition to replace Ashley, who dropped out of the Dapper Dolls because of Meredith’s unpredictability.

Meredith is with Kelly at her father’s musical instrument store when Quincy comes in with Sexy Squaw to pick up drums for a drum circle. After introductions, Meredith flees, but Quincy doesn’t follow her. She’s devastated!

Meredith drops out of Dapper Dolls and forms her own quartet.

Marilou slaps at Meredith, but hits Jack, who steps in front of her.

Meredith returns to Dapper Dolls after learning a singer can sing in two quartets at Gulf Regional.

When judges change the rule about singing in two quartets, Maryjane puts on Meredith’s costume and sings lead for the Dapper Dolls. She’s wearing performance shoes and supplies the giant safety pins to hold the gap in the back together.

Girls ages 12 to 25 rush on stage after Meredith’s quartet sings her original “Biblical Brushoff.”

Quincy proposes to Meredith by singing backstage in front of many onlookers. His lyrics promises he too will honor her chastity vow.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel (Producer/Manager? Answer two questions:

How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?

No star needed for this low budget comedy feature about a third generation Sweet Adeline’s two struggles: resisting her family’s rejection of her own unique singing style while also resisting her boyfriend’s pressure to break her chastity vow. “Sweetie Heaven” has many barbershop favorites, but also introduces original new-style songs, and supports the new revolutionary movement among many young people to remain virgins until marriage. It could be cast with any winning Sweet Adeline chorus (500 worldwide), with crowd scenes filmed at any major competition, and have 21,000 members eagerly luring their friends and family to make it a box office success.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?

Of my three completed screenplays, “Sweetie Heaven” could be the quickest, easiest, and least expensive to produce, even with its multiple characters who could all be cast with any winning Sweet Adeline chorus (500 worldwide), with crowd scenes filmed at any major competition, and have 21,000 members eagerly luring their friends and family to make it a box office success.

“Sweetie Heaven” has many barbershop favorites, but also introduces original new-style songs, and supports the new revolutionary movement among many young people to remain virgins until marriage. This comedy feature revolves around a third generation Sweet Adeline’s two struggles: resisting her family’s rejection of her own unique singing style while also resisting her boyfriend’s pressure to break her chastity vow. It demonstrates that people shouldn’t get stuck in a rut, no matter how wonderful and admirable, nor should they follow current sexual mores, no matter how much the media and society extol their acceptance.

My other screenplays—“Thank You, Elvis” and “The Good Ole Gender-Benders” are also comedy features, with the latter leaning toward farce.

3. Answer the question “What I learned today is…?”

What I learned today was to emphasize what most interests the producer or manager in the screenplay’s logline.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Marketable Components

I’m pleased to learn that my script has more of the marketable components than I ever dreamed it had, and I’m grateful for the assignment that made me emphasize those components in new loglines.

Tell us your current logline.

After Meredith scandalizes Sweet Adeline purists by improvising on stage with original lyrics she and boyfriend Quincy wrote, she must choose between singing with her mother and grandmother at Gulf-Atlantic Regional competition or with a quartet that will sing her “Bibllical Brushoff,” aimed at Quincy, who she thinks betrayed her because of her chastity vow, in this moral, merry musical that pokes fun at barbershop zealots.

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick one or two that have the most potential for selling this script.

A. Unique: It is! The only movie dealing with Sweet Adelines was with Irene Dunn in 1934. <div>

B. Great Title. I think so! Some 21,000 Sweet Adeline members world wide will know its meaning, and chocolate lover will have their own interpretation.

C. True. It’s not true, but it’s plausible that a rebelious third generation Sweet Adeline would cause conflict with her mother and grandmother if she dropped out of their quartet.

D. Timely — Yes! There is a a revolutionary movement among many young people who are returning to the conviction that they should remain chaste until marriage.

E. It’s a first in two ways: It’s the first movie about female barbershop singing since 1934, and it’s the first movie that shows teenage girls’ desires to resist loose morality and remain chaste until marriage.

F. Ultimate. It will be the funniest depiction of barbershop zealots ever made.

G. Wide audience appeal. Yes! The 500 Sweet Adeline choruses around the world all have friends and family who’ve learned to love barbershop singing.

H. Adapted from a popular book. No!

I. Similarity to a box-office success. “Music Man” ( 1962 & 2003) and “American Harmony” (2009), both which had male barbershoppers, were box office successes.

J. A great role for a bankable actor. Yes! Gloria Rodrigo, whose international Sour Tour is already sold out May 17 – July 7, would draw huge numbers of fans who remember her in Disney’s High School Musical and Bizaardvark. If we couldn’t get a popular name like Gloria, we might talk my granddaughter’s agent into letting her do the role. Mallory Bechtel was Zoe Murphy in Broadway’s “Dear Evan Hansen,” was in the horror film “Hereditary,” and is now filming “Pretty Little Liars” for an upcoming HBO Max series.

3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.

I chose Timely and Similarity to Box Office Success:

A third generation Sweet Adeline struggles to resist her mother and grandmother to stay true to her own unique singing style, while struggling to resist her boyfriend’s attempts at intimacy to stay true to her chastity vow. “Music Man” meets “Strictly Ballroom” in this moral, merry musical that pokes fun at barbershop zealots and supports the new revolutionary movement for chastity until marriage.

Example: If you say your script has a great role, in one or two sentences, tell us how you can emphasize that role as you pitch your concept.

A female singer drawing crowds to stadiums—like Gloria Rodrigo—would enjoy expanding her fan base with the role or Meredith, who resists her Sweet Adeline family to sing her own way, while resisting her boyfriend’s sexual desires to keep her chastity vow, in Sweetie Heaven”—a moral, merry musical that pokes fun at barbershop zealots and supports the new revolutionary movement for chastity until marriage.

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and post it at the top of your work.

I’m pleased to learn that my script has more of the marketable components than I ever dreamed it had, and I’m grateful for the assignment that made me emphasize those components in my logline.

</div>

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel agrees to the terms of this release form.

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel

Title: Sweetie Heaven

Genre: Feature Comedy

Concept: People shouldn’t get stuck in a rut, no matter how wonderful and admirable the rut is.

My story’s strong point is that is has many distinctive characters that actors would enjoy portraying.

I will target indie producers first because although Sweetie Heaven is a big, moral, merry musical, it can be a low-budget film. The big audience scenes can be filmed at any Sweet Adeline competition, and inexpensive singers can be selected from the organization’s more than a thousand quartets.

I learned today that I need to identify producers that make movies of the comedy feature genre.

[Lenore]

Hello all,

I’m Lenore Bechtel, and I have written three feature comedy scripts and haven’t the faintest notion how to go about marketing them. That’s why I’m taking this class. An avid live theatre fan, I loved having thirteen of my plays produced by community theatre and one college, but I would have loved it more if I’d made some money. I moved from the area where my plays were produced and discovered that finding a new interested theatre isn’t easy. So I decided–why limit myself? Why not try writing screenplays? I’m counting on this class to show me how to get them produced. Something few people know about me is that I play two games of scrabble every day against artificial intelligence and have worked my way up to level 8 out of 10. Yay!

[Lenore]

Title: Hawala Ledger
Genre: One-hour Thriller TV Series
Only one thing can save the world of finance – a heist!
Priya, recruited to steal the secret ledger of the Hawaia who seek global financial control, is quickly spotted as a mole and kidnapped, along with her father.
Was her father—soon killed in an explosion—A Hawaia founder?
Was he the one who put the ledger up for sale?
Can she retrieve it in time to save the world from financial anarchy?
Priya survives a terror attack and cybercrime syndicate threats as she and her team crack codes and unearth secrets.
Each heist brings them closer to the shocking truth and “The Kuber Circle” – the mythical secret society that controls global wealth and power.
BIO: Sunil is an award-winning screenwriter who specializes in female-led thrillers. He is a finalist in several international screenwriting contests such as BIG BREAK and ISC@JIFF. A series pilot he co-wrote is currently in development for a TV network in the UK
Sunil, this is from lenorebechtel33@gmail.com. I love your plot but felt your synopsis was much too wordy, so I’ve given you my shorter take on the subject. Hope this helps. When I post my Module 5, lesson 11 assignment, I hope you’ll give me feedback as I have done for you. Unfortunately, when I post anything on this site, my spacing usually gets lost, so please know that many of the sentences is my condensation above were paragraphs by themselves, leaving lost of white space. Good luck!

[Lenore]

Did you take Hal’s class this past Saturday and know that he wants us to exchange outlines for feedback this week? I hope you’ll be interested in exchanging with me. If so send yours to lenorebechtel33@gmail.com. Once I have your email address, I’ll send mine. Thanks! Lenore Bechtel

[Lenore]

Replying to Margaret because it’s the only way I can post.

BWTV Mod 3 – Lesson 11

Lenore Bechtel’s Scene Requirements

What I learned from this assignment: Tackling my project this way made me rethink the order I’d planned for some scenes. This was a valuable assignment.

CONCEPT: Lilly must navigate the chaos of Hypnotist Joshua’s zany methods and the antics of his new-hire Sally while keeping scandal reporter Quinten at bay.

TURNING POINT: Joshua hypnotizes Timothy to believe he and Dr. Dan can also be invisible.

A STORY: Lilly arranges for Joshua’s unorthodox treatments for Timothy and Tyrell.

B STORY: Timothy who thinks he’s invisible has trouble adjusting to visibility.

C STORY: Shay, the son Lilly gave up for adoption, comes to investigate his birth mother.

BEAT SHEET:

TEASER.

INT. KARMA KLUB – NIGHT

Start: Several tiered rows of occupied tables face the stage, where Joshua performs a hypnosis show.

Challenging situation: Will Joshua get all on stage with him to do as he wants?

Conflict: Lilly’s stern face and Quinten’s evil smiling one contrast with the highly appreciative audience.

Action: Joshua quickly hypnotizes six people six ways, then puts Sally under his arm and walks gloatingly around. On stage, dialogue between Joshua and Sally result in him hiring her to work in his office

Finish: Quinten smirks and takes notes. Lillly tells Joshua these shows diminish his reputation and says he’d better be joking about hiring Sally. He’s not, and Lilly’s distraught.

ACT 1

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – DAY

The room has a receptionist desk with a complicated telephone, two tall filing cabinets, a medical-type scale, a reclining chair next to a CD player with headphones, and six chairs for waiting clients.

An archway nead the middle leads to the group room and the CD/TV maintenance room. A door on one side leads to Joshua’s office. Two doors on the opposite side lead to Lilly’s office and the 11th floor hallway of Tulsa Towers.

Start: Lilly paces, impatiently waiting for Joshua who is behind closed doors.

Challening Situation: Lilly tells Vicki that they need to keep Quinten from finding out about Joshua’s weird treatments for weird patients.

Conflict: Vicki, reading National Intrigue, admires Quinten for putting so many bad people out of business.

Action: Sally shows a picture Quinten took last night at the show.

Finish: Vicki says Joshua is being briefed by Dr. Dan about a new patient he’s referring.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Joshua’s desk and chair, plus two reclining chairs, dominate the room’s amusing, masculine decor.

Start: Dr. Dan admits he’s referring Timothy before his insurance runs out.

Challenging situation: Dr. Dan hasn’t helped Timothy, who thinks he’s invisible, but can Joshua?

Conflict: Dr. Dan believes long term psychotherapy more benefiicial than short-term hypnotherpy

Action: Joshua throws Dr. Dan’s lengthy referral into his “to file” box, finding the only thing interesting being Timothy’s distrust of banks.

Finish: Dr. Dan agrees to participate in anything Joshua plans to help Timothy.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Start: Sally reports she’s ruined Joshua’s master CDs, but Joshua forgives her.

Challenging situation: Tyrell gets free appointment, but Joshua won’t tell why.

Conflict: Lilly was waiting to talk to Joshua and doesn’t like it when he sees Tyrell first.

Action: Joshua’s happy-go-lucky attitude changes as he take Tyrell into his office.

Finish: Lilly storms into her office, but restrains herself from slamming the door.

LILLY’S PRIVATE OFFICE – LATER

The cluttered desk, big computer monitor, filing cabinet with one drawer half opened, and pictureless walls reflect its occupant’s no-nonsense get-down-to-business attitude.

Start: Joshua comes to Lilly’s office.

Challenging situation: Lilly reports that Quinten is coming to uncover a scandal.

Conflict: Joshua laughs that this office is the place to find one.

Action: Joshua massages Lilly’’s shoulders, gives her five $100 bills, and asks her to set up a fake bank robbery.

Finish: Lilly gets on the phone with Tulsa Tower’s bank manager.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Start: Timothy creeps into the office and startles Vicki.

Challenging situation: Vicki seats him and puts earphones on him.

Conflict: Timothy rebels when Vicki touches him.

Finish: He settles down and listens to Joshua’s pre-conditioning CD.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Vicki leads Timothy into Joshua’s office.

Challenging situation: Joshua pretends he can’t see him.

Conflict: Timothy argues that Joshua is lying to him about he and Dr. Dan also being invisible.

Finish: Joshua hypnotizes Timothy and sets him up to believe he and Dr. Dan can be invisible too.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Timothy bursts out of Joshua’s office.

Challenging situation: Vicki and Lilly don’t know how Joshua wants them to react.

Conflict: Timothy exits, screaming that Joshua is crazy

Finish: Joshua smiles and says, “He’ll be back.”

ACT 2

INT. LILLY’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Joshua confirms that Lilly has the bank robbery set up.

Challenging situation: They argtue about Sally ineptness.

Conflict: Lilly explodes when Joshua says Sally will each exercise classes.

Finish: Vicki buzzes to let Lilly know a woman named Kathy wants to see her and that Timothy is back in Joshua’s office. Lilly grabs Kathy and they exit quickly to take the $500 to the bank.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – DAY

Start: Timothy’s eyes close as Joshua talks to him.

Challenging situation: He frowns as Joshua tells him he and Dr. Dan are going to be invisible too.

Conflict: He smiles when Joshua tells him he’s going to steal back the money the bank stole from him.

Finish: He looks confident as Joshua tells him how easy their escapade will be.

INT. ELEVATOR – LATER

One of the advertisements scattered among mirrors on the elevator walls features Joshua’s weight control TV show.

Start: Joshua hypnotizes Timothy and Dr. Dan catches him.

Challenging situation: Dr. Dan is not happy with what they’re about to do.

Conflct: Dr. Dan argues that Joshua should be able to hypnotize Timothy to believe he’s visible.

Finish: Joshua gives Dr. Dan the option to opt out.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Start: Quinten enters and announces who he is.

Challenging situation: Lilly bursts from her office to keep Quinten at bay.

Conflict: Quinten is not intereted in seeing a Joshua TV show, as Lilly suggets.

Finish: To Lilly’s relief, He’s intereted in letting Sally show him some CDs. .

INT. BANK – MOMENTS LATER

The small bank has only two teller stations, an alcove with the manager’s desk, and a chair at the entrance where a guard sometimes sits.

Start: Timothy, Dr. Dan, and Joshua walk boldly into the bank.

Challenging situation: Timothy stops and shivers in front of a bank guard who pretends not to see him.

Conflict: Not able to use language and spoil the invisible illusion, Joshua physically pushes Timothy to the spot where a bank teller is counting out $20.

MONTAGE: Timothy repeatedly pulls out one $20 bill at a time.

Finish: The teller looks up and screams. Timothy, Joshua, and Dr. Dan run. .

INT. ENCLOSED STAIRWAY – MOMENTS LATER

Concrete stairs lead up then back to each floor of the 16 story building.

Start: Joshua, Dr. Dan, and Timothy start the ascent from first floor to the eleventh.

Challenging situation: Timothy is so happy about being seen, he keeps stopping and jumping up and down.

Conflict: Joshua wants them to keep running, but out-of-breath Dr. Dan prefers taking breaks and listening to Timothy’s delight.

Finish: They finally make it to the eleventh floor.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: The three run in to the reception room where Bernadine is having a breakthrough, witness by Lilly, Maudie, Sally, Vicki, and Quinten.

Challenging situation: Dr. Dan bumps into Bernadine, who is having a breakthrough. He’s immediately fascinated by her.

Conflict: Timothy bumps into Maudie, exposing her fat disguise. Sally reveals to Quinten the Maudie was the subject of the last TV show, but Lilly assures him the show will be re-shot with a new subject.

Finish: To Lilly’s dismay, Sally leads Quinten toward the CD room to see the bad Maudie show.

ACT 3

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Joshua finds out that Maudie pretended to be fat because of a suggestion he gave her at a Chamber of Commerce show.

Challenging situation: He has set her up to enjoy helping him on stage.

Conflict: She had not taken the suggestion when he told her it was for one night only.

Finish: He tells her she’s now a confident person, not needing to be around anyone else to feel good about herself. Just the opposite, she will now always be bold, aggressive, and happy all by herself.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Joshua introduces Timothy to Maudie who lures him out for coffee.

Challenging situation: Shay, who says he’s there to research hypnosis for a term paper, begs Joshua for some of his time.

Conflict: Vicki tells Joshua that Tyrell called and is coming back.

Finish: Joshua takes Shay into his office.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Joshua asks Shay if he’d like to be hypnotized.

Challenging sitatuioon: Shay says he doubt he could be, but starts nodding off when Joshua lowers his voice.

Conflict: Joshua recognizes that Shay is lying to him.

Finish: Shay tells him the truth: He wants a chance to investigate Lilly, his birth mother.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: As Joshua and Shay enter, Vicki tells Joshua that Tyrell is listening to a pre-conditioning CD.. Then she flirts with Shay.

Challenging situation: Sally slinks and Quinten smirks as he tells Joshua he’s seen the bad Maudie show. Lilly rushes from her office with a schedule for filming a new one.

Conflict: Joshua announces he’s hired Shay to handle CD reproduction, and Vicki will teach him. Lilly protests they don’t need more employees.

Finish: Joshua leads Lilly aside and tells her to find a safe that can’t be opened for part of Tyrell’s treatment.

MONTAGE INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE JOSHUA GRINNING AS HE GIVES SUGGESTIONS TO A HYPNOTIZED TYRELL.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Start: Vicki cleans up her desk, getting ready to leave for the day.

Challenging situation: Also getting ready to leave, Lilly announces she’s on her way to pick up what’s needed for Tyrell’s treatment and she might come in late tomorrow.

Conflict: Entering from the CD room with Sally, Quinten announces he’s well on his way to putting Joshua out of business. Sally asks Lilly to make it by 9 tomorrow for her exercise class.

Finish: Kathy comes in, embarrassing Lilly—dismayed—by inviting her out to dinner and more.

ACT 4

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – NEXT DAY

Start: Sally moves chairs closer to the wall in preparation for her exercise class.

Challenging situation: Lilly arrives, is glad to find Maudie and Vicki as Sally’s only participants, and says they should cancel the class.

Conflict: Ruining Lilly’s planned cancellation, Dr. Dan arrives, doing a favor for a buddy by exercising with Sally who leads them in a routine she calls “Six with Sally.”

Finish: Joshua joins the exercisers and announces “Six with Sally” will now become a segment on his TV show. Lilly nearly collapses.

INT. DR. DAN’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATE MORNING

A receptionist desk sits in front of a wall of filing cabinets and ten chairs flank the walls, covered with modern art of various shrunken heads. A silver door leads to Dr. Dan’s office.

Start: Lilly pulls a safe into Dr. Dan’s reception room.

Challenging situation: Receptionist Dixie tries to get her to leave because the office closes for lunch.

Conflict: Lilly pushes past her and opens door to Dr. Dan’s private office.

Finish: Dr. Dan asks, “Haven’t I done enough for my buddy today?”

INT. DR. DAN’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

A barrel chair sits next to a reclining chaise across from an ornate desk in this flamboyant room with touches of silver throughout. Dr. Dan’s safe is behind what appears to be a regular cabinet door.

Start: Lilly explains that Joshua needs this unopenable safe in his office for a treatment for Tyrell.

Challenging situation: They have trouble moving Dr. Dan’s actual safe into his private bathroom as they discuss who Tyrell truly might be.

Conflict: With the fake safe in its spot, Dr. Dan has apprehensions about the scheme, afraid Tyrell might steal something else when he finds he can’t open the safe.

Finish: Lilly persuades him that Joshua will be with Tyrell and will not let that happen.

INT. TULSA TOWER CAFETERIA – LUNCH HOUR

Booths flank two walls and tables for six fill the center of this room at the end of the cafeteria line.

Start: Lilly and Kathy talk seriously as they eat lunch in a corner booth.

Challenging situation: Quinten eavesdrops and gleefully takes notes on their conversation.

Conflict: Quinten snaps a picture of them, thanking Lilly for spicing up his Joshua story.

Finish: Lilly tells Kathy she’ll give her an answer at Bernadine’s show opening tonight.

MONTAGE: JOSHUA AND TYRELL GO UP ELEVATOR, THEN DOWN HALL, AND JOSHUA USES A KEY TO SNEAK THROUGH DR. DAN’S RECEPTION ROOM TO HIS OFFICE.

INT. DR. DAN’S PRIVATE OFFICE—MOMENTS LATER

Start: Joshua stands guard as Tyrell repeatedly fails to open the safe.

Challenging situation: Joshua has to talk Tyrell out of using the bathrooom.

Conflict: Tyrell opens Dr. Dan’s desk drawers, finds a petty cash envelope, and he and Joshua argue about what to do with it.

Finish: They leave to go back to Joshua’s office to continue Tyrell’s treatment.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Tyrell reclines in the chair closest to Joshua’s desk.

Challenging situation: Tyrell looks very tempted when Joshua drops Dr. Dan’s office key on his desk.

Conflict: Tyrell says he doesn’t want to be hypnotized and doesn’t realize he already is.

Finish: Joshua says, “When you wake up, you won’t remember a thing I told you but you’ll do exactly what I’m going to tell you to do.”

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – LATER

Start: Dr. Dan and Timothy—in crisis—lumber in, their repartee bringing Lilly right out of her office.

Challlenging situation: Timothy is plagued with guilt about stealing $500 and wants to take it back.

Conflict: Joshua is in session with a stop smoking group being watched by Quinten.

Finish: Lilly steers Dr. Dan and Timothy into his office to wait.

INT. LILLY’S OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Lilly phones the bank manager and explains the situation.

Challenging situation: The bank has lots of customers.

Conflict: Lilly tells the bank manager Joshua will have to cancel the two remaining appointments needed to maintain her 15-year-old son’s cure from thumb sucking unless she helps him with this one.

Finish: The bank manager says when Lilly calls that they’re on their way, she’ll tell all customers what’s going on.

MONTAGE OF SMOKING GROUP ONE BY ONE SHAKING JOSHUA’S HAND AND THEN INHALING AND EXHALING BIG BREATHS.

INT. JOSHUA’S PRIVATE OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Start: Timothy says he needs to return the money he stole.

Challenging situation: He’s already spent 88 of the 500 dollars.

Conflict: Dr. Dan seethes as Joshua explains how that happens to be the exact amount of rebate Dr. Dan owes Timothy for his last two appointments. $44 each.

Finish: Lilly opens Joshua’s office door, looks at Joshua, nods, and Joshua nods back.

MONTAGE OF CUSTOMERS WATCHING IN AMAZEMENT AS JOSHUA, DR. DAN, AND TIMOTHY STRIDE CONFIDENTLY INTO THE BANK AND TIMOTHY PUTS BILLS BACK ON A STACK THE TELLER COUNTS.

INT. BANK – CONTINUOUS

Start: Timothy puts the last bill in the stack the teller counts.

Challenging situatiion: The teller screams and customers scream.

Conflict: The bank guard pretends to try to catch Timothy.

Finish: The three escape to the stairwell.

INT. STAIRWALL – MOMENTS LATER

Start: As they start the climb up, Timothy feels his body, and complains that he can’t stay invisible anymore.

Challenging situation: Dr. Dan, painfully huffing, complains that invisibility is too strenuous.

Conflict: Timothy regrets that he no longer will be able to have invisible adventures with Joshua and Dr. Dan.

Finish: Dr. Dan insist they go up only to the second floor, then get out to take the elevator.

INT. JOSHUA’S RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Start: The Three enter and stop immediately to watch Bernadine who is having a breakthrough being observed by Lilly, Vicki, Sally, Shay, and Quinten.

Challenging situation: Bernadine recognizes Timothy from a previous life and invites him to her opening tonight. He says he already has a date. She says to bring her.

Conflict: Sally gives Timothy two CDs ordered by Joshua: Overcome Shyness and Enjoy Sexual Pleasure. Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s treatment—too much too soon.

Finish: Quinten confronts Lilly about Kathy, and Lilly tells him Kathy was a man when the two were married. Joshua and Shay hear her confession—Shay with horror, Joshua with delight—maybe pretended, maybe not. Vicki is stunned and Sally loves it.

ACT 5

INT. KARMA KLUB – NIGHT

Start: Dr. Dan, with his wife Gina, sit at the front table with Joshua, Vicki, Shay, and Sally. Lilly and Kathy sit at a dark corner booth.

Challenging situation: Just as lights are lowered, Maudie drags timid Timothy in, and they semi-hide at a back booth, inconspicuous among the weirdly dressed crowd.

Conflict: Bernadine finishes the first song of her act with a reprimand to Quinten for snapping pictures of all of the above.

Finish: Bernadine begins a let-go-and-let-love meditation to restore the audience’s serentiy.

INT. DR. DAN’S PRIVATE OFFICE – SIMULTANEOUSLY

Start: Tyrell tries repeatedly and unsuccessfuly to open the unopenable safe.

Challenging situation: Hearing someone come into the reception room, Tyrell hides under the desk.

Conflict: Two police barge in, handcuff him, and read him his rights.

Finish: Tyrell tells them Joshua hypnotized him to commit this crime.

INT. KARMA KLUB – CONTINUOUS

Start: Bernardine sings and drums to song about reincarnation.

Challenging situation: As she takes her bow, two police barge in, pulling Tyrell.

Conflict: They confront Joshua and tell him Tyrell blamed for his failed safecracking attempt.

Action: Bernardine jumps into a breakthrough, gets Tyrell on stage, and entices his accusations against Joshua.

Lilly weeps and collapses in Kathy’s arms.

Timothy weeps and collapses into Maudie’s arms.

Vicki tries to collapse into Shay’s, but he resists.

Gina gives a perplexed look to Dr. Dan who slumps as if trying not to be noticed.

Both policemen blow shrill whistles, and a hush falls over the nightclub.

Finish: The police ask Joshua, “Are you responsible for this man’s attempted safecracking tonight?” Joshua smiles and says “yes.” Quinten gleefully films it all.

BLACKOUT

The teaser for Episode 2 will have Tyrell playing piano on stage, with Bernadine singing and playing her frame drum. Joshua had not only set Tyrell up for a second safecracking failure, he’d set up the police to catch him, make him confess Joshua’s involvement, and bring him to the Karma Klub where he could have his musical talent appreciated.

[Lenore]

Unable to post my assignment, so am posting it as a reply.

BWTV Module 3, Lesson 7

Lenore Bechtel’s Open Loops and Mysteries

HYPNOTIZED BY HOPE: Season 1: Buffoonery for a Book

What I learned from this assignment is that I already have mysteries and open loops in my plot, so at this point I’m not adding more. Here are the ones I already have.

Mysteries: Questions about the past

Main Mystery: Will Lilly’s book get published and put Joshua on the national scene?

Sub-Mystery: Is Shane’s father Kathy, who was Kevin when married to Lilly?

Sub-Mystery: Why did Lilly and Kevin get married, and why does Kathy still want a relationship with Lilly?

Sub-Mystery: If Bernadine discovers her karmic dues in a past life regression, will it change her probably promiscuous life?

Opwn Loops: Questions about the future

Main Open Loop: Will Quinten discover Joshua’s unthodox cures and destroy his reputation by writing about them?

Sub-Open Loop: Will Sally’s cheerful incompetence push Lilly to the brink?

Sub-Open Loop: Will Timothy adjust to visibility or go back to feeling invisible?

Sub-Open Loop: What if Joshua’s attempts to help Tyrell go straight don’t keep him from pursuing cracksafing and worse?

Sub-Open Loop: When Vicki keeps flirting with Tyrell, what is he asks her out and he proves to be a bad guy?

Sub-Open Loop: Will Tyrell succeed as a pianist, or did he take the Karmic Klub job with a hidden agenda?

Sub-Open Loop: Will Maudie, after her fat disguise was exposed, find reasons to keep seeing Joshua?

[Lenore]

Vince, I’d be happy to exchange feedback with you.

My info: Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Written by: Lenore Bechtel

Email Address: lenorebechtel33@gmail.com

Genre: Drama/Suspense

High Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the

Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming

down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwine with theirs.

[Lenore]

BWTV -AI Mod 3 – Lesson 5

Lenore Bechtel’s Layers and Reveals

What I learned from this lesson

Pilot Episode for HYPNOTIZED BY HOPE: Invisible Angst

Teaser: Montage of Joshua on stage at the intimate Reincarnation, Travelers Tower’s nightclub. In the audiece, Lilly’s stern face contrasts with the highly appreciate audience, especially when Joshua puts beautiful, sexy Sally Singleton under his arm and walks gloatingly around while her feet and hair both barely clear the stage floor.

Turning point: Show over sneaky Quinten smirks as Lilly tells Joshua these shows diminish his essence and the reputation she’s been trying to help him build. He protests that they’re fun and bring in lots of clients. Layer and coverup: Joshua appears to be a superficial person more interested having fun than helping clients. At the very end of the pilot, we’ll find out how truly devoted he is to helping those in need.

Hook: Then Joshua shoots his bullet: He’s hired Sally to help Lilly in the office. Lilly’s aghast face says, “Not again!” Hidden agenda: Sally is not the inept ditzy blonde she’s pretending to be. We won’t find out until the last episode of the season who she really is.

Act I: Invisible Angst

Essence: Lilly knows Quinten Quebeck is coming to uncover a scandal and fears his story will hurt her chances of finding a publisher for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua. She’s skeptical about the treatment Joshua prescribes for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s schizophrenic who thinks he’s invisible. Wound: Timothy has many, the biggest being he scared to be around other people. Another being a distrust of banks because of an account he forgot about once being dropped from $500 to zero because of maintenance fees.

Actions: Dr. Dan briefs Joshua about Timothy. Tyrell gets free appointment. Sally ruins Joshua’s masters. Lilly reluctantly sets up fake bank robber. Secret identity: Tyrell is Joshua’s former cell mate. His relationship to Joshua will not be revealed until later seasons, but he’ll be revealed as a safecracker in the last scene of the pilot.

Turning point: Lilly forces herself to set up a fake bank robbery for Timothy’s treatment. Joshua hypnotizes Timothy to believe that both he and Dr. Dan can also be invisible so Timothy can get caught robbing the downstairs bank.

Hook: Timothy runs away, saying Joshua is crazy.

Act 2: Crime and Visibility

Essence: Lilly’s transgender ex’s visit doesn’t distract her from protecting Joshua and the office’s reputation. Wound: Lilly was devastated both by the marriage and divorce, the details of which she keeps very secret.

Actions: Joshua decideds Sally will teach exercise. Ugh! Timothy comes back, and the farciical bank robbery scheme succeeds. Bernadine engulfs Timothy, and does what Joshua suggests—takes Timothy to lunch. Fake-fat Maudie is exposed. Ongoing conspiracy: Bernadine wants Joshua to hypnotize her for past life regressions, but he refuses. She thinks her soul group will move on without her if she doesn’t find and pay off her karmic debt from previous incarnations in this present life.

Turning point: As the three invisibles escape from the bank to the office, Dr. Dan bumps into Maudie, exposing Maudie’s fat disguise. Hidden relationship history: At a C of C show, Joshua hypnotized Maudie to want to help him on stage, and she liked the suggetion too much to give it up.

Hook: Quinten sees Maudie’s fat disguise fall out when Dr. Dan bumps into her. Maudie was the subject on the just-filmed TV show.

Act 3: TV Tomfoolery

Essence: Lilly spars with Quinten, and Joshua hires Shay and will keep his true identity secret. Deception: Shay is the son Lilly gave up for adoption, but no one except Joshua will know his identity until late in season one.

Actions: Quinten snoops around. Joshua fixes Maudie and lures Timothy into taking her out. . Lilly hates having another new hire, but likes Shay instantly. Unable to talk Joshua out off his treatment for Tyrell, Lilly finds safe that can’t be opened. Reveal: Joshua tells Lilly that Tyrell came for hypnosis to get his safecracking skills back, so he wants to confirm in reality that the skills are los. Dr. Dan chides Joshua for Timothy’s dates with Maudie. Vicki flirts with Shay, and he’s flattered. Wound: Vicki’s steady high school boyfriend dumped her when he left for college. This will be revealed in later episodes.

Turning point: Sally offers to show Quinten Maudie’s show, amusing Joshua, infuriating Lilly.

Hook: After seeing the show Quinten announces he’s well on his way to putting Joshua out of business. While Vicki, Sally, and Shay wail about how much they need their jobs, and Lilly looks near collapse, Joshua laughs at the preposterous idea.

Act 4: Exercise Aggravation

Essence: Quinten outsmarts Lilly and discovers items she’d rather keep hidden.

Actions: Lilly puts safe in Dr. Dan’s office. Sally’s exercise class is a hit. Timothy has crisis that demands another bank prank, which Lilly arranges, and Dr. Dan participates in. Tyrell and Joshua fail to open safe. Quinten eavesdrops as Lilly and Kathy have lunch at the cafeteria.

Turning point: As the three invisible buddies return from getting caught again as they returned money, Berrnadine is having a breakthrough and recognizes Timothy from a previous life—all with Quinten listening.

Hook: Quinten confronts Lilly about her relationship with Kathy and rejoicingly tells he’s close to having his story. Reveal: Lilly lets Quinten know that Kathy was a man when the two were married.

Act 5: Public confession

Essence: Quinten takes another giant step toward finding the scandal he needs.

Actions: Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s treatment—two dates too much too soon. Bernadine’s new show is attended by Vicki and Shay with Dr. Dan and Joshua on the front row. Quinten and Sally sit behind them. Lilly and her transgender ex Kathy sit separately. Police arrest Tyrell trying to crack safe.

Turning point: Near the end of Bernadine’s show, police drag in Tyrell, who blames Joshua for his crime.

Hook: Bernadine’s breakthrough gets Tyrell’s confession on stage, which Quinten gleefully films.

[Lenore]

I am unable to reply the correct way, I am replying to Jerry to get my assignment on the forum.

BWtV Mod 3 – Lesson 6: Stacking Intrigue

Lenore Bechtel’s Stacked Intrigues

What I learned from this assignment is how to set up turning points by preceding them with elements of intrigue. Putting them into my outline, I found other things that needed clarification, so this assignment was valuable for me.

Pilot Episode for HYPNOTIZED BY HOPE: Invisible Angst

Teaser: Montage of Joshua on stage at the intimate Reincarnation, Tulsa Tower’s nightclub. In the audiece, Lilly’s stern face and Quinten’s evil, smiling one contrast with the highly appreciate audience, especially when Joshua puts beautiful, sexy Sally Singleton under his arm and walks gloatingly around while her feet and hair both barely clear the stage floor. Intrigue: why aren’t Lilly and Quinten enthralled by the show like everyone else?

Turning point: Show finished, sneaky Quinten smirks and takes notes as Lilly tells Joshua these shows diminish his essence and the reputation she’s been trying to help him build. Intrigue: Why is Quinten taking notes? Joshua protests that shows are fun and bring in lots of clients. Layer and coverup: Joshua appears to be a superficial person more interested having fun than helping clients. At the very end of the pilot, we’ll find out how truly devoted he is to helping those in need.

Hook: Then Joshua shoots his bullet: He’s hired Sally to help Lilly in the office. Lilly’s aghast face says, “Not again!” Hidden agenda: Sally is not the inept ditzy blonde she’s pretending to be. We won’t find out until the last episode of the season who she really is.

Act I: Invisible Angst

Essence: Lilly knows Quinten Quebeck is coming to uncover a scandal and fears his story will hurt her chances of finding a publisher for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua. She’s skeptical about the treatment Joshua prescribes for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s schizophrenic who thinks he’s invisible. Wound: Timothy has many, the biggest being he scared to be around other people. Another being a distrust of banks because of an account he forgot about once being dropped from $500 to zero because of maintenance fees.

Actions: Dr. Dan briefs Joshua about Timothy. Intrigue: He doesn’t refer patients before their insurance runs out, so why has he? Tyrell gets free appointment and won’t tell Vicki or Lilly why. Intrigue: What secret do he and Joshua share? Sally ruins Joshua’s masters, and Joshua says she’s done him a favor. Intiruge: Is Joshua in a relationship with Sally? Lilly protests when Joshua asks her to set up a fake bank robber. Intrigue: Will she do something she thinks is wrong, and if she does, why did she? Secret identity: Tyrell is Joshua’s former cell mate. His relationship to Joshua will not be revealed until later seasons, but he’ll be revealed as a safecracker in the last scene of the pilot.

Turning point: Lilly forces herself to set up a fake bank robbery for Timothy’s treatment.

Joshua hypnotizes Timothy to believe that both he and Dr. Dan can also be invisible so Timothy can get caught robbing the downstairs bank.

Cliffhanger: Timothy runs away, saying Joshua is crazy.

Act 2: Crime and Visibility

Essence: Lilly’s transgender ex’s visit doesn’t distract her from protecting Joshua and the office’s reputation. Wound: Lilly was devastated both by the marriage and divorce, the details of which she keeps very secret. Intrigue: Why did she marry him and why did he divorce her?

Actions: Joshua decides Sally will teach exercise. Intrigue: Did Sally and Joshua have a date last night? Kathy, Lilly’s transgender ex husband, talks with Lilly behind closed doors. Timothy comes back, and the farciical bank robbery scheme succeeds while Lilly keeps Quinten at bay by showing him one of Joshua’s past TV shows. Bernadine engulfs Timothy, and does what Joshua suggests—takes Timothy to lunch. Intrigue: Will Bernadine seduce Timothy? Fake-fat Maudie is exposed. Ongoing conspiracy: Bernadine wants Joshua to hypnotize her for past life regressions, but he refuses. She thinks her soul group will move on without her if she doesn’t find and pay off her karmic debt from previous incarnations in this present life.

Turning point: As the three invisibles escape from the bank to the office, Dr. Dan bumps into Maudie, exposing Maudie’s fat disguise. Hidden relationship history: At a C of C show, Joshua hypnotized Maudie to want to help him on stage, and she liked the suggetion too much to give it up.

Cliffhanger: Quinten sees Maudie’s fat disguise fall out when Dr. Dan bumps into her. Vicki reveals that Maudie was the subject on the just-filmed TV show, and Quinten smirks as Lilly explains they plan to re-shoot the show.

Act 3: TV Tomfoolery

Essence: Lilly spars with Quinten, and Joshua hires Shay to duplicate CDs and will keep his true identity secret. Deception: Shay is the son Lilly gave up for adoption, but no one except Joshua will know his identity until late in season one. Intrigue: Is his father the ex who is now Kathy? Intrigue: Why does Shay suddenly want to get to know his birth mother?

Actions: Quinten snoops around. Joshua fixes Maudie and lures Timothy into taking her out. . Lilly hates having another new hire, but likes Shay instantly. Unable to talk Joshua out off his treatment for Tyrell, Lilly finds safe that can’t be opened. Reveal: Joshua tells Lilly that Tyrell came for hypnosis to get his safecracking skills back, so he wants to confirm in reality that the skills are lost. Dr. Dan chides Joshua for Timothy’s dates with both Bernadine and Maudie. Vicki flirts with Shay, and he’s flattered. Wound: Vicki’s steady high school boyfriend dumped her when he left for college. This will be revealed in later episodes.

Turning point: Sally offers to show Quinten Maudie’s show, amusing Joshua, infuriating Lilly.

Cliffhanger: After seeing the show Quinten announces he’s well on his way to putting Joshua out of business. While Vicki, Sally, and Shay wail about how much they need their jobs, and Lilly looks near collapse, Joshua laughs at the preposterous idea.

Act 4: Exercise Aggravation

Essence: Quinten outsmarts Lilly and discovers items she’d rather keep hidden.

Actions: Lilly puts safe in Dr. Dan’s office. Sally’s exercise class is such a hit that Joshua decides it’ll be part of his TV show. Intrigue: Could Joshua possibly be having a relationship with a low IQer? Timothy has crisis that demands another bank prank, which Lilly arranges, and Dr. Dan participates in. Tyrell and Joshua fail to open safe. Quinten eavesdrops as Lilly and Kathy have lunch at the cafeteria.

Turning point: As the three invisible buddies return from getting caught again as they returned money, Berrnadine is having a breakthrough and recognizes Timothy from a previous life—all with Quinten listening.

Cliffhanger: Quinten confronts Lilly about her relationship with Kathy and rejoicingly tells he’s close to having his story. Reveal: Lilly lets Quinten know that Kathy was a man when the two were married. Joshua, Shay, and Vicki hear her confession—Shay with horror and Joshua with delight—maybe pretended, maybe real.

Act 5: Public confession

Essence: Quinten takes another giant step toward finding the scandal he needs.

Actions: Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s treatment—two dates too much too soon. Intrigue: Will the CDs do what they’re supposed to do—Overcome Shyness and Enjoy Sexual Pleasure? Bernadine’s new show is attended by Vicki and Shay with Dr. Dan and Joshua on the front row. Quinten and Sally sit behind them. Lilly and Kathy sit separately at a dark, corner booth. Upstairs in Dr. Dan’s office, Police arrest Tyrell trying to crack safe.

Turning point: Near the end of Bernadine’s show, police drag in Tyrell, who blames Joshua for his crime.

Cliffhanger: Bernadine’s breakthrough gets Tyrell’s confession on stage, where Joshua joins him and admits Tyrell is telling the truth. Lilly weeps and collapses into Kathy’s arms as Quinten gleefully films it all.

[Lenore]

.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Lenore Bechtel.

[Lenore]

What a smart way to do this assignment! Good for you!

[Lenore]

Lloyd,

Just want to let you know how interesting and well organized your outline seems to me. I hope when we get to the exchange-feedback lesson 5, you’ll let me exchange with you. In the meantime, maybe you will think in terms of what specific Act 4 action will be of both your Climax/ultimate Expression of the Conflict and your Resolution. What specific episode or action demonstrates that Reese is now a better person? I’m hoping it can be a tear-jerking scene. Remember, just because your story is based on a true incident, you don’t have to stick to the truth–unless you plan to name the true characters in the credits. I’m wondering, since you say the widow and Reese are connected, if you’re already thinking about making them a couple. And if not, could Reese be instrumental in getting her involved in a group that has men who knew and admired her husband? Sorry–I can’t refrain from brainstorming when I’m in love with a plot, as I am with yours. Write on! Lenore

[Lenore]

Margaret, Thanks for the question which prompted me to look at Lesson 1 and realize I hadn’t posted. I certainly thought I had and could probably find my post at module 5, lesson 1, but I’m not going to take the time to look for it. Now three of us have posted: you, me, and Lloyd Shellenberger. Lenore Bechtel

[Lenore]

Thanks for thinking my project is incredible. You already know I feel the same about yours, and I hope we get the opportunity to give feedback on each other’s finished script.

[Lenore]

Hi Vince, I’d be happy to exchange feedback with you. Yours is a drama/thriller and mind is drama/suspense, so we’re thinking along the same lines. My email is lenorebechtel33@gmail.com. If you’re interested, send me your Module 4, Lesson 10 outline, and I’ll send you mine.

[Lenore]

Lloyd, I have been interested in your plot from the beginning and hope you will want to be my first exchange partner. If so, please send me your Module 4 Lesson 10 outline, and be sure to put your concept/logline at the beginning. My email is lenorebechtel33@gmail.com.

[Lenore]

Lloyd, Seems to me you have it all thought out beautifully. I think you forgot to put the widow’s name right before her arc–confused me at first. Keep up the good work! Lenore

[Lenore]

I went back to the forum to read your assignments 6, 7, and 8, but find you haven’t posted them. You have a good protagonist and antagonist, and of course the all the family members will be characters. Don’t hesitate to put yourself in this story, maybe as journalist and narrator. And don’t feel you have to stick to facts as your screenplay can always be “based upon a true story,” giving you a lot more freedom in your writing. I’ll look forward to your next postings.

[Lenore]

Lloyd, Glad you’re doing a story about helping an interpreter’s family–a story that needs to be told after the dismal treatment our country gave interpreters in Afghanistan. I’m fascinated that yours is a true story and will look forward to seeing how you approach it. Letters From Baghdad indicates you might have a narrator and each letter would be a flashback. Just wondering! Lenore.

[Lenore]

Chris, Thanks for your feedback about my Berlin story. It’s good to know someone is actually reading what I’m writing in this class. Yours sounds like a real thriller with lots of martial arts and maybe lots of humor. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as a rotary cell phone, but what a great punishment that is! I’ll keep following yours and hope you’ll do the same with mine. Lenore.

[Lenore]

Horror horrifies me, but this idea excites me because of its comic potential. I would buy a ticket for this.

[Lenore]

Yours is a story that needs to be told, and it’s certainly very timely. Empower yourself for the right dramatic structure and you’ll figure it out. Good luck!

[Lenore]

I truly love the idea and hope it’s not going to be a dark comedy. Could it be a romcom with the female agent and her male star client romantically involved in the end?

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel: World and Characters!

From this assignment I learned that characters must have multiple dimensions.

Mystery: Can Elijah discover, and then follow up on—what his remote-viewing father saw that caused him to be killed?

Intrigue: Elijah inherited the remote-viewing ability but lost it by using it for his own pleasure.

Suspense: Will Elijah get killed before he discovers the disastrous behind-the-scenes plot that his father viewed?

Intriguing World: The national web of secret sites capable of using walking, talking holographs for nefarious purposes.

Top Three Characters:

Elijah, son of a preacher, is a recent high school graduate who discovered his remote-viewing gift at age five. In his small community of Beaumount, his family’s unusual skill is common knowledge. Elijah’s gift seemed to be limited to sensing animals in trouble, but his father Daniel saw more serious things.

His mystery: Although told he would lose his skill if he used it for anything but helpful purposes, he yielded to temptation one time. Since then, he’s waited for the ding in his head that came when he needed to see an animal in need.

His intrigue: Will he get the ding that leads him to his father’s killer and reveals what his father saw?

His suspense: Will he get killed as he’s trying to uncover the what his father saw that caused him to be killed?

Buzz has been his best friend since he moved to Beaumount for his senior year. He and Elijah prove that opposites attract. Buzz barely made his grades at a highly academic boarding school, and his father was afraid he wouldn’t make his grades to graduate. He thought Beaumont High School would be easier, but Buzz probably wouldn’t have earned his diploma without Elijah’s tutoring.

His mystery: He hates working for his father, who buys all that Beaumount property owners will sell with plans to build a resort hotel and turn Beaumount into a tourist town.

His intrigue: Did he entice Elijah to remote-view the girls’ locker room because he wanted him to lose his gift?

His suspense: Does he truly want to help Elijah or is he trying to keep Elijah distracted from trying to find his father’s killer?

Zoe calls herself Cassandra and pretends to have prophetic skills. She is beautiful beyond words, and Elijah falls in love with her, even though she tells him her rules up front. Elijah respects her wishes not to be touched, having no idea she is a hologram.

Her mystery: Buzz’s sister Zoe was the model for the Cassandra hologram.

Her intrigue: She makes her lie that her wicked father keeps all his children confined to their house seem believable.

Her suspense: Is she truly a lovable person or does she really want Elijah dead?

#