Leo Sopicki
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Leo's Rom-Com Project
What I learned doing this assignment is that you need to go more deeply into your characters in order to craft a good story.
Who is She?
Dianne is a famous Internet Influencer: Miss Ultimate. We meet her as she prepares to broadcast about movies, music and technology. She enjoys poking fun at some of her more extreme followers.
We hear applause and cheering during her podcast, but then realize it is only sound effects, not real people.
She worked as a waitress before inventing Miss Ultimate.Who is He?
Leonard is a Systems Administrator for a sanitation agency. He hardly ever talks to anyone and spends most of his time behind his keyboard.
He is obsessed with Miss Ultimate.
He was a “military brat” and never got the chance to establish long term relationships in school.What makes them lovable?
Dianne likes helping random people when she sheds her Miss Ultimate persona. She is searching for a way to make a difference in the world but hasn’t yet found it.
Leonard saves people’s data and time and keeps their computers working. His dedication to his job keeps him from finding the time to connect with others.What attracts them to each other?
Leonard is attracted to Dianne because:
She asks him questions that have nothing to do with computers.
She tells heart warming stories about people she has helped.Dianne is attracted to Leonard because:
As a military brat he had been all over the world, while she’d never been out of this city.
He doesn’t ask her for any favors, just tries to make her smile.
She thinks she can help him overcome his obsession with his “online mystery women”.What needs does each fulfill for the other?
Leonard fulfills Dianna’s need for:
Real world relationship
Being appreciated as Dianna not Miss UltimateDianna fulfills Leonard’s need for:
Real world relationship
Appreciating someone for true values, not glitz -
Leo’s Rom-Com Project
What I learned doing this assignment is that there is a system that can get you started on the rom-com project. A lot of this was in my head, and it was helpful to get it down on paper.
1. Starting with whatever idea you have, fill in the blanks to create a concept.
• Two People Who Belong Together:
o Dianne is an internet influencer. She does a Dolly Parton make-over of herself before going online, so none of her friends or relatives recognize her. She is Miss Ultimate.
o Leonard is a systems administrator for a sanitation district. He spends all day behind his screen or in the server room.
• How Are They Separated:
o Dianne pretends to be enamored of her fans, but really prefers to make fun of them. She really likes mocking some guy who calls himself “OperatorOne”.
o Leonard spends way too much of his workday time online, under his pseudonym OperatorOne, following the activities of Miss Ultimate.
• What Forces Them together:
o Dianne wants to be appreciated for her real self, not her Miss Ultimate character. A drinking buddy talks her in to signing up for group therapy, to “find her real self”.
o Leonard gets busted by HR for spending too much time surfing the web and must attend group therapy or be fired. He ends up in the same group as Dianne.
• Issues to be Resolved:
o They must realize to whom they are talking in therapy.
o Dianne needs to develop self-esteem apart from Miss Ultimate.
o Leonard needs to realize he can like a woman who does not look like Dolly.
• On Their Journey of Love:
o They need to discover their real values and how this apparent stranger supports them.2. Then fill in the blanks to create your conventions. Even though some of these are the same, it is worth looking at them in the context of the conventions.
• Experience of Falling In Love: Through texting, online posts, arguments during therapy, and accidental encounters, Dianne and Leonard, unintentionally at first, help one another overcome the issues keeping them from connecting with others.
• The Journey of Love: They have connected with each other’s online personas, then discover that they actually treasure the real people underneath,
• Relationship Set-up: The two end up in the same group therapy, without recognizing each other.
• Issues each must Resolve: Dianne must realize that the non-glam version of herself is worthwhile, and Leonard must realize he needs to look deeper into a person than their online image.
• Separation: After each therapy session, they go their separate ways. Each needs to overcome a social anxiety in order to end up at the same place.
• How will Comedy be Expressed: There will be confusion caused by not realizing they have interacted with each other before. At a certain point each will start saying, “Hey, you wouldn’t believe this person online who…”. -
Leo’s Max Interest Part 1
What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is even when I think a scene is cool and good, looking at it again with the interest techniques in mind can yield improvements.
LOGLINE: Martin and Peaches decide they need to get back the magic pendant.
ESSENCE: Martin and Peaches overcome jealousy and fear in order to come up with a new plan.
CHANGES: Added more SUSPENSE – Who is coming up the elevator? CHARACTER CHANGE – Peaches agrees to let Martin go after Precious. TWIST – First time Martin and Peaches kiss.
INT. SECRET ROOM – NIGHT
Peaches hiding in the shadows. Hears the elevator.
She looks frightened. Sees the axe on the floor. Grabs it. Positions herself in striking distance of the elevator doors.
Elevator doors open. Martin jumps out aggressively waving a knife as Peaches swings the axe, barely missing him, the axe embedding into the floor.
They make eye contact.
MARTIN
Well, I knew you were mad at me…
PEACHES
I didn’t know it was you.
She looks in the elevator.
MARTIN
What?
PEACHES
Just checking to see if your girlfriend Precious was in there.
They turn towards one another.
MARTIN
She’s not my girlfriend. I was just trying to get Nunu’s pendant back. It has some kind of magical power over this place.
Elevator doors close behind them.
MARTIN
Did you show this place to anyone else?
PEACHES
No, but that doesn’t mean other people don’t know about it.
MARTIN
We need a plan.
He walks over to the open window and Peaches follows.
MARTIN
This is the only window that didn’t close.
He steps out on the ledge. The same one where Rolf was earlier. Peaches sticks her head out the window, worried.
MARTIN
If only I had a rope or something, I could swing over to those trees and get us down.
PEACHES
So, now you’re Tarzan?
She takes hold of Martin’s arm and guides him back in.
As she helps in they end up in each others arms.
MARTIN
We need a plan.
PEACHES
You really believe what you said about the pendant?
MARTIN
Yes.
PEACHES
Then get it back from Precious.
MARTIN
You won’t go whacko on me again?
PEACHES
Hey, you Tarzan, me Jane.
They kiss.
They break their embrace. Martin turns and pushes the elevator button. Peaches pulls the axe loose from the floor.
MARTIN
What’s that for?
PEACHES
Not letting you go alone. I’ll look for the others and get them up here where they’ll be safe.
Peaches holds axe up menacingly.
PEACHES
And if Precious gets too affectionate, I’m ready.
Elevator sound.
As the elevator doors open they jump into a defensive stance. The elevator is empty. Sigh of relief. The go in, and the doors close.
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Leo Profiles People
What I’ve learned is to keep working on characters in my story. The deeper you go, the more you “know” them, the more real they should end up in the story.
Person 1
1. Creative
2. Focused
3. Sense of humor
4. CaringPerson 2
1. Quick learner
2. Shallow loudmouth
3. Violent
4. InsecurePerson 3
1. Unpredictable
2. Serious entrepreneur
3. Like to party and dance
4. Good listener -
Leo Puts Essence to Work
What I learned was that I had gotten into the habit of thinking of scenes as “stuff happening between slug lines”. In looking for the essence in this script I realized that this was somewhat shortsighted, and drew lines in the script to indicate what I realized were the larger segments that delivered the essence.
Script I chose: Mama Says — Martin, a young man who believes his movie star mother abandoned him, attempts to find her, only to discover that he was adopted and that he has a brother who is trying to kill his real mother.
Scene 1 Location: Beginning of Act 1
Logline: Martin lives in a movie driven fantasy world.
Essence I’ve discovered: Family is important
New Logline: Martin and his brother Billy have strong connections.
Scene 2 Location: Establishing the Hero’s Normal World
Logline: Martin Helps his boss, Nunu, find her Mom’s pendant.
Essence I’ve discovered: There are supernatural forces at work.
New Logline: Martin and Nunu are somehow connected to the supernatural forces in the house.
Scene 3 Location: Inciting Incident
Logline: Martin wins a TV show contest which will let him meet his “mom”.
Essence I’ve discovered: Knowledge about one’s family can be incorrect.
New Logline: David, Martin’s “father”, tries to talk him out of going to meet his “mom”.
Scene 4 Location: Beginning of Act 2
Logline: Martin tells his girlfriend that he is going to meet his mom.
Essence I’ve discovered: Martin’s girlfriend is afraid she’ll lose him if he meets his movie star mom.
New Logline: Martin’s girlfriend tries to show him that “family” can be bigger than just blood relations.
Scene 5 Location: Mid-point of Act 2
Logline: Rolf the Butler tries to warn Martin and his girlfriend.
Essence I’ve discovered: Rolf wants to make up for his past wrongs.
New Logline: Rolf tries to warn Martin, but is stopped by a supernatural force.
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Leo Sopicki Finds the Essence
What I learned is that there are universal connections and emotions that we all have and usually keep hidden. A good script brings the human feelings to the surface, whether you want them to rise or not.
Script I choose: Field of Dreams
I saw this film in the early 1990s, a few months after my father passed away. I chose this script because my daughter reminded me it was the only time she had seen me cry while watching a movie.
Scene 1 Location: Beginning of Act I
Logline: Montage of Ray’s life before the film
Essence: Establishes Ray’s two most important relationships: his father and his wife, Annie.
Scene 2 Location: Scene 38 near end of Act I.
Logline: Ray and Annie look at completed field with lights on.
Essence: Ray admits he has just done something “totally illogical”, but Annie still loves him anyway.
Scene 3 Location: Scene 61, page 31, first part of Act II.
Logline: Annie’s relatives visit and try to talk her and Ray out of keeping the ball field.
Essence: Ray and Annie realize that only they, and their daughter Karin, can see the players on the field.
Scene 4 Location: Scene 101, page 70, second half of Act II.
Logline: Annie doesn’t tell Ray that her brother is threatening to foreclose on the farm.
Essence: Annie’s support for Ray remains strong even though they might lose everything.
Scene 5 Location: End of Act III
Logline: Ray and the spiritual reincarnation of his father, John, talk on the field.
Essence: Ray reconnects with his father.
My selection for most profound essence: Scene 5
RAY AND JOHN watch them for a while, then start to ,stroll across the field.
RAY
You catch a good game.
Thank you. JOHN It’s so beautiful here. It’s like, well for me, it’s like a dream come true.
Ray cannot speak. He nods.
JOHN
Can I ask you something?
Again, Ray nods.
JOHN
Is this heaven?
Ray smiles and shakes his head no.
RAY
It’s Iowa.
JOHN
Iowa. I could’ve sworn this was heaven.
RAY stops and looks intently at John. He asks this question as if he were asking the secret of life. Maybe he is.
RAY
Is there a heaven?
JOHN takes time to answer that. He looks up at the night sky and searches it.
JOHN
Oh, yeah….
Then he looks square into Ray’s eyes.
JOHN
Heaven’s where dreams come true.
RAY looks toward he house and sees his wife and daughter on the veranda, above them. He smiles. He finally understands. He turns and nods. back to John.
RAY
Then maybe this is heaven.
JOHN smiles wisely in return.
JOHN
Well … good night, Ray.
RAY
Good night.
John starts to walk off toward the door in the outfield fence.
RAY
Hey!
John turns back. Ray is holding a ball.
RAY
You wanna have a catch?
John closes his eyes for a second, and when he opens them; there is the hint of moisture. Does he know Ray is his son?
JOHN
I’d like that.
Ray tosses him the ball, picks up a glove lying there, and puts it on.
They throw the ball back and forth.
And as we pull up higher and higher we see a father and son bathed by white floodlights and car headlights … on the silent, satiny green of a baseball diamond at the edge of a cornfield.
FADE OUT
Essence: Ray reconnects with his father. It is the essence because it pays off the entire film. This is probably the part where, years and years ago, I cried. My father and I only played catch one time. I can’t be the only one who misses his father. This was the essence.
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Leo Sopicki
I’ve completed five feature length screenplays and a bunch of shorts. I’ve produced some short films, some of which have won awards. By taking this course, I hope to refine my techniques and to deliver finished products more systematically and quickly.
Unusual? I also write about movies, music and tech. I have close to 500 reviews posted at https://blogcritics.org/author/LeoOfMars/.
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<div>Leo Sopicki</div>
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Leo Sopicki – Scene Ratings
What I learned doing this assignment is that I thought this was valuable, but I’d like a more systematic methodology. Subjectively, as I went through it, I was thinking that the rating for basically the same scene is impacted by who is in the scene – extras, supporting characters, main characters. In other words, if extras are in danger E7, if supporting characters E8, if main characters E9. If the people in danger are children, that gets a higher rating than adults. This is complex, but I like it.
HIGH SCENES: E9 or E10 – Battle Scene, Last scene in which Ben and Acadia are reunited, scenes where main characters fight among themselves, a scene where a likable character dies, or other extremely emotional moments.
LOW SCENES: E5 or below—People just talking, planning, debating, or doing something physical but unexciting and not threatened in any way. I need to find a way to punch these up or make them superfluous somehow.
Mini-Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure
1. (E9) EXT. IRAQ BATTLEFIELD – SERIES OF SHOTS
American soldier Acadia takes cover behind a low wall. Insurgent in a room covered in Satanic images fires on her.
Automatic weapons fire strikes her position. Ben arrives next to her. Their eyes meet briefly. Ben throws a grenade, and they rush the insurgent position.
They break into the insurgent’s position from behind and shoot him. As he dies his body bursts into flame and Acadia reacts to a pain on her arm.
Ben looks concerned. Acadia shakes it off.
FADE TO
2. (E7) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
Thunder. Ben’s funeral. Taps plays against background of cloudy sky. Acadia is comforted by Bianca who tries to get her to make the sign of the cross. Pain in her left arm. She looks at and touches an old bruise on her arm which resembles part of a key. Her mind drifts…
3. (E7) EXT. DREAM WORLD – MONTAGE
Acadia and Ben in civilian dress laugh together in a beautiful forest. They say their vows in a wedding. Ben waives goodbye from a jeep. Acadia and Ben at ribbon cutting of School for the Lively Arts. Children sing and dance. Ben in uniform boards a plane.
4. (E8) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
Rifles fire into air. Acadia handed folded flag and sees momentary supernatural vision. Ben’s coffin is carried into Wilder family mausoleum.
5. (E7) INT. MAUSOLEUM – CONTINUOUS
Honor guard enters mausoleum and are frightened by strange sounds and movements of other coffins.
6. (E7) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Acadia tries to regain composure as she receives condolences.
7. (E8) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Fabien executes a captive offering a tribute of blood to the demonic face glowing in wall.
8. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
A stone floor tile moves. From below, a demon rises, savages inside of school and attacks a janitor.
9. (E5) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Only Acadia and Bianca remain. Bianca invites Acadia to stay with her tonight. She agrees.
10. (E9) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – MORNING
Acadia and Bianca return to the school to find it vandalized with threats painted on the wall. Acadia screams. Bianca tries to comfort her but notices things that make her suspect supernatural events. Acadia calls police.
11. (E4) EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Bianca passes Louis, the band leader, as she leaves. He finds students outside the school and tells them not to bother Acadia and to go home. They wander off.
12. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Acadia halfheartedly tries to clean-up. Louis comes in and suggests that the attack is supernatural in origin. Acadia rejects this violently.
13. (E5) EXT. GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – DAY
Fabien, from a shadowed doorway, accosts one of the wandering students and gives him a gift to deliver to Acadia.
14. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER Student places gift, a small statue on a shelf. Acadia hears strange noises coming from beneath the floor. She blames her mental state.
Mini–Movie 2 – Locked into Conflict
15. (E7) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Knocking on door wakes up Acadia. Students, parents. and staff enter, offer support and ask her to stay. They say they will help.
While parents discuss things with Acadia, Fabien bangs on the door and demands to be invited in, which he is by teenage student Mia.
As Fabien enters, he pauses as a memory flash into his brain of him as a young child standing naked in the middle of that room surrounded by Satanists. He continues.
Fabien tries to charm Acadia and makes an offer to buy the property. Parents and students don’t like him. Community asks her to stay. Acadia stalls on Fabien’s generous offer and asks to be left alone.
Bianca arrives and is shocked when she sees Fabien.
16. (E4) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER
Bianca tries to warn Acadia about Fabien, but Acadia does not take the warning seriously.
17. (E6) INT. JAZZ CLUB – NIGHT
Mia meets with Fabien. Louis who performs there sees them together.
18. (E4) EXT. SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Cab pulls up to the door where Louis and kids are cleaning graffiti. Cabby unloads luggage. Acadia has given up her apartment and prepares to live at the school. Cabby slides Acadia’s trunk over demonic tile.
19.(E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Kids are performing on the stage.
Mia whispers something to one of the younger boys and he runs from the school.
Louis warns Acadia about Mia.
20. (E6) Mia visits her Mom and gives her wad of money. Asks her advice about Fabien and Acadia.
21. (E6) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien sits before glowing image on wall. Sacrifices a rat. One of Acadia’s students enters. Fabien rewards student with money and gives him a package. Fabien drips rat blood on alter.
22. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER
Parent on ladder working on fixing lighting fixture gets bitten by a rat and grabs at electrical cord, gets electric shock. Falls.
23. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Emergency flashing light. Paramedics remove injured parent. Noah and other students crying. They share candy with Acadia. Acadia sits and sees vision of herself hanging.
Mia gives her a lead about the vandalism to investigate.
24. (E6) EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Bianca confronts Fabien, but he tries to recruit his old lover Bianca back to his side. She confirms her suspicions about his motivations.
25. (E8) EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Acadia follows up on lead from Mia and walks into an ambush. She fights her way out.
26. (E9) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Bianca finds Acadia making a hangman’s noose. Bianca reveals her Voodoo past to Acadia and offers to bring back Ben as a zombie to help her. Acadia suspects Bianca is crazy and fires her.
Acadia finds students who ate candy, sick and terrified. They tell her that Fabien gave them the candy. Now Acadia becomes angry and promises children she will not let this bad man hurt them again.
She swings the noose, knocks the sculpture Fabien gave her to the floor, shattering it. Throws the noose in the trash. Broken pieces of the sculpture glow with green light.
Mini-Movie 3: Standard Ways Fail
27. (E4) INT. SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – DAY
While waiting for police to show up, Acadia confronts Mia and tells her to get out.
Police arrive and Acadia tries to convive police of Fabien’s involvement. As they inspect the school one of the detectives recognizes a symbol burned into the door and promises to help.
28. (E3) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia construct traps and sets up cameras to catch vandals. Police detective sends a priest to help her, but she rejects the help. The Priest somehow knows things about Fabien and Acadia’s mother.
29. (E6) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Detective confronts Fabien. He’s on to Fabien’s tricks and just avoids being killed by Fabien.
30. (E5) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia reviews video recordings on computer. She sees Bianca hiding across the street keeping guard over the school. She regrets firing her. She runs out to look for her.
31. (E4) EXT. OUTSIDE OF IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Mia thanks Fabien and indicates understanding.
32. (E5) INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NIGHT
Mia tells priest that she is going to tell people what he has done. He tries to dissuade her from the path she is on, revealing more knowledge of Fabien.
33. (E4) INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
Acadia goes to the church and looks for the priest. No-one know where he is. Acadia sees symbol that Detective noticed, carved into a tree outside the church.
Mini-Movie 4: Hero Forms a New Plan
34. (E8) EXT. NEAR SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia waits for Bianca. When she arrives, agrees to try things her way, as a rapprochement. She doesn’t believe this will work, but she wants Bianca’s help. Bianca agrees, but seems distant.
35. (E8) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia asks why she has watched. Bianca reveals some things about Fabien, but fears Acadia will reject her again.
36. (E7) EXT. COMMUNITY GARDEN – NIGHT
Bianca is out gathering supplies for the ceremony when she is confronted by Fabien. He offers to restore her youth and be with her forever. She rejects his offer; knows he wants to control the demon portal to take revenge on the city. She knows how to keep him at bay.
37. (E7) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Acadia and Bianca enter Wilder family mausoleum.
38. (E7) INT. WILDER FAMILY MAUSOLEUM – CONTINUOUS
Bianca performs ceremony. When Ben reappears, Acadia thinks she’s gone mad and asks for proof. Ben shares with her things Bianca could not have known.
39. (E4) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
They debate over a plan to attack Fabien. The plan is vague, and Ben seems confused and spaced out.
40. (E6) EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
They attempt to scale tower to get to vampire vault. They are attacked by Gargoyle like creatures. Ben almost drops Acadia. Attack fails.
41. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
They retreat to the school defeated. Ben takes blame, not as strong as he used to be. The sculpture that Acadia shattered has somehow reassembled.
MID-POINT TURNING POINT: PLAN FAILS
MINI-MOVIE 5 – HERO RETREATS, ANTAGONIST PREVAILS – PAGES 60 — 75
42. (E4) EXT. STREET – NIGHT
While watching the In the Dark Club, Ben proposes to Acadia and Bianca that they bring back his ancestors who have fought in every war since the American Revolution.
Bianca has never tried to pull off something this big. She needs help. Convinces Acadia to go all in on the spirit world.
43. (E4) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien realizes what Bianca has done. He calls his minions together and sets a trap.
44. (E7) EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Students perform for tourists walking by. Noah dressed like a knight. Fabien springs his trap, luring Acadia and Bianca into a tourist bus. He mocks them in front of the students and recruits some students. Fabien again demands Acadia sign over her property and she still refuses.
Noah creates distraction by driving his sword into the radiator of the bus, making it look like a cross. Acadia and Bianca escape.
Fabien leaves, but several parents also leave, saying the school is too dangerous. Acadia is losing support in the community.
45. (E7) Acadia goes into voodoo “basic training”. Signs that she used to have faith. Under stress, she appears on the edge of insanity, and wanders off exploring her new powers. Ben and Bianca have to hunt her down and get her under control.
46. (E7) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Bianca and Acadia perform ceremony. Ben’s relatives are raised: Soldiers from Revolutionary, Civil War (north and south), WWI, WWII, Vietnam. New zombies are confused and begin to fight among themselves. Revolutionary and Civil War soldiers think they are enemies. Acadia quashes squabbling among Ben’s ancestors and takes command.
47. (E5) INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien performs ceremony asking his mentor for advice on dealing with zombies. Mentor can become powerful again if Fabien can control school and the cursed portal. Fabien will get revenge on New Orleans.
48. (E7) EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia leads direct assault against club, but demons, thugs, and vampires drive them off. Acadia and Bianca nearly fall to demons, but Gomez saves them, losing his life in the process.
49. (E8) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Someone obliterated WWI Zombie left to guard the school and Acadia’s trunk has been dumped. She recognizes a torn package which includes a picture of her mom and her mom’s crucifix, which she takes and puts on.
TURNING POINT: THE DECISION TO CHANGE
MINI-MOVIE 6 – HERO’S BIGGER, BETTER PLAN! – PAGES 75 — 90
50. (E8) INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NIGHT
Acadia enters pew and prays. Missing Priest comes out of hiding, gives her a map showing portal upon which her school rests. Reveals curse. Shows her bruise on his wrist.
Tells her he is her father, but she misunderstands.
Transfers bruise from his wrist, and power to Acadia. Bruise on her wrist becomes sharp like a tattoo of a key. As he walks away, he busts into flames.
51. (E5) INT. MAUSOLEUM – NIGHT
Fabien conducts false flag operation, taking advantages of the zombie’s prejudices, making them think they are being used for evil.
52. (E6) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Confederate and Union zombies fight among themselves
Acadia and Ben arrive, restore order. Explain plan. Zombies express regret at being brought back. Acadia appeals again for their help.
53. (E4) EXT. BEHIND GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Truck pulls up with supplies, Acadia driving. She unloads boxes, getting access to the club.
54. (E6) INT. BACKROOM GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia hides, searches for coffins. Notices rotting beams in tower, almost falling off of one. Locates coffins. Places explosive. As she leaves, she is observed by Mia.
55. (E1) EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia and Ben waiting to hear explosion.
56. (E8) EXT. ROOF OF GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Mia appears with explosive and throws it down to street.
57. (E9) EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Explosion destroys cars and hurts people. Panic. Police arriving.
58. (E10) EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia helps wounded. Finds her favorite student, Noah, dying.
59. (E6) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia tells Ben all is lost. Wants to leave. Ben’s zombie relatives appear and ask to be released back to the spirit world.
TURNING POINT: THE ULTIMATE FAILURE
MINI-MOVIE 7 – CRISIS AND CLIMAX – PAGES 90 – 105
60. (E6) EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Sign: Farewell Concert – School Closing. Sad families and kids enter. Bianca tells them Acadia will be there soon. Time to say goodbye. Some students and parents still don’t want her to go and not everyone knows she has been fighting Fabien.
61. (E6) INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Acadia thanking Ben and his relatives. Door slammed shut. Locked from outside by Fabien minion.
Acadia and Ben struggle with door.
62. (E7) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
As kids perform, smoke emerges from around demonic tile on floor. Kids and parents pass out.
63. (E4) INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Revolutionary war zombie opens door with sword. Gives sword to Ben.
64. (E7) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia rushes in. Everyone gone. Sculpture delivers message from Fabien. Has children, will kill them unless Acadia signs over her property and sets off a bomb during a Mardi Gras parade
Acadia and Ben hatch new plan and give it one last try.
65. (E5) INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Acadia and Ben look for Bianca and find zombies decided not to be released and are still there. New plan.
66. (E4) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia makes reservation for bachelor party.
MINI-MOVIE 8 – NEW STATUS QUO – PAGES 105 – 120
67. (E6) INT. FOYER OF GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia and team arrive in masks for bachelor party. Some masks conceal military style radios. Bouncer wants them to pass through metal detector. Bianca knocks out bouncer.
68. (E5) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Soldier/Zombies are entertained. Dancers discover peculiar guests and realize they are performing for Zombies. Look for Fabien. Not there. Vampires out hunting.
69. (E7) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER- NIGHT
Acadia discovers imprisoned kids. Radios Ben their location and asks for help.
70. (E6) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Ben and relatives start up stairs, but dancers turn demonic, and they must fight their way toward kids.
71. (E6) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER – NIGHT
Acadia finds vampire coffins. Attaches explosives to rotting beam. The trap is set to destroy the vampires, but kids are still in the building. Have to wait.
72. (E2) EXT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAWN
Bats fly in through window.
73. (E8) INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER – DAWN
Bats surround Acadia and take on vampire form. Mia rushes in from adjacent room. They threaten and hurt Acadia. Mia tries to defend Acadia and Fabien kills Mia.
As Vampires taunt her, Acadia hears radio message from Ben. Kids are safe. Acadia sets off explosives, collapsing roof, roasting vampires, burying herself in rubble.
74. (E8) INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia’s wake. Community in attendance.
Bianca begins voodoo chant to bring her back. Ben does not want to watch and walks into next room. Fabien emerges through floor in gaseous form and turns into vampire/zombie.
Fabien threatens attendees, backing them into a corner, promising to give them a horrible death. He then turns to Acadia’s body.
Zombie Fabien holds hand over Acadia’s body and key bruise/tattoo transfers from her wrist to his. Acadia’s body bursts into flame. Fabien looks triumphant just before Ben cuts off his head with revolutionary war sword, destroying him. Key bruise/tattoo disappears from Fabien’s wrist, and demonic tile in floor fuses with surrounding stone and demon picture fades away.
Only Ben and Bianca remain in room. Bianca says Acadia cannot be brought back.
75. (E6) INT. MAUSOLEUM – NIGHT
Bianca performs voodoo to release Ben’s spirit from his body. The spirit is freed as the body turns to dust. It is time for Ben to go home. He is alone. He feels the loss that Acadia felt. It his time to be lonely.
76. (E10) EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Ben’s spirit exits the mausoleum and sees Acadia’s spirit waiting. They embrace. They walk off hand-in-hand to music played by spirits of New Orleans jazz greats.
TURNING POINT: NEW STATUS QUO
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Leo Character Intros
What I learned doing this assignment is that the first description of a character in a script can contain non-visual information. I was actually told this about seven years ago, but I didn’t think that it was true. But, if Hal says it, it must be correct.
Protagonist – Acadia
I’ve been told she was too weepy and not strong enough. So, I added actions that can show primary traits. I also dropped the antagonist from this beat, so that his intro can be stronger.
The script begins with a flashback to Acadia and her future husband Ben in combat in Iraq.
OLD VERSION
American soldier ACADIA, 25, takes cover behind a low wall.
NEW VERSION
American soldier ACADIA, 25, slim, serious, no-nonsense, and dedicated, takes cover behind a low wall.
Ben has been killed in combat and the next scene is his funeral in New Orleans.
OLD VERSION
EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
Louder thunder. A New Orleans jazz band, led by LOUIS, 70, booms Amazing Grace.
An honor guard carries flag covered casket to front of mausoleum with name WILDER above entrance.
They stop in front of Acadia, seated in chair, surrounded by well-wishers. BIANCA DUVAL, 60, dressed in bright colors and too much jewelry, sits next to Acadia.
MIA, dance instructor, 16, stands nearby with a group of younger kids.
Acadia cries.
At a distance, a black-hooded man, wearing gloves, FABIEN BROUSSARD, handsome, Mediterranean-looking, 30ish, watches. He notices Mia.
Bianca tries to get Acadia to make the sign of the cross. Acadia shakes her head “No”.
NEW VERSION
Acadia’s action is different and the reference to FABIEN, the Antagonist, is omitted so he can be introduced more dramatically, not as someone in the background.
MIA, dance instructor, 16, stands nearby with a group of younger kids.
Acadia breaths deeply as she tries to hold back her tears.
Bianca tries to get Acadia to make the sign of the cross. Acadia shakes her head “No”.
SECOND ACTION CHANGE
OLD VERSION
Acadia opens her eyes.
Honor guard member offers folded flag to Acadia. From Acadia’s POV the honor guards hands look like a skeleton’s for a second. She is startled, but then the hands are normal. She accepts the folded flag.
NEW VERSION
Acadia opens her eyes.
Honor guard member offers folded flag to Acadia. From Acadia’s POV the honor guards hands look like a skeleton’s for a second. She is startled, but then the hands are normal. She stands. Snaps to attention and salutes the honor guard member. He returns her salute and hands her the flag. She remains standing at attention as the funeral proceeds.
Antagonist – Fabien
The change made here is adding the initial description of Fabien, since I have removed him from the funeral scene. The old version simply said:
Fabien enters. Stops in front of captive.
NEW VERSION
INT. GENTLEMEN’S CLUB DUNGEON – CONTINUOUS
DEMONIC FACE like the one on the devil statue in Afghanistan glows on the wall.
A young female CAPTIVE is chained to the floor in front of the wall. A key like symbol is on the floor.
She struggles with the chains. Moans and screams.
A silhouette of a man appears in the doorway.
FABIEN BROUSSARD, handsome, Mediterranean-looking, 30ish, hiding vile secrets and vengeful desires under his dashing exterior, enters the room.
FABIEN
Silence, whore.
Captive looks up terrified.
Fabien leans over close to her face and smiles lovingly.
FABIEN
Do you want to be free?
CAPTIVE
Yes, please. Please. I’m sorry. I didn’t know about the forbidden room. I was just curious.
Fabien looks at her with feigned sympathy.
FABIEN
I understand. You meant no harm.
CAPTIVE
No, I did, not. Please.
FABIEN
Very well.
Captive looks relived. Hopeful.
His fangs appear. Fabien bites captive on her neck. He pulls out a knife and slashes open her chest.
He drops the knife. Claws extend from his fingertips. He reaches into Captive’s chest and pulls out her heart.
He tosses her on the floor. Walks over to the face on the wall.
He holds out Captive’s heart.
FABIEN
For you, Asmodeus, my lord.
A snake-like tongue comes out of the glowing face on the wall.
FABIEN
Our day of revenge approaches.
He places the heart on the tongue, which pulls it into its mouth.
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Leo’s Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is a useful methodology. It created good ideas.
Character 1: Acadia
PROFILE
Role: Protagonist. Owner of Academy for the Lively Arts
Core Character Traits: caring, talented, emotionally vulnerable, reality-based
Character Subtext Logline: After an unfortunate, lonely childhood, Acadia is coming into her own, but tends to sarcasm to hide feelings and needs.
Flaw: Pessimistic because she keeps losing people
World View: Doesn’t believe in the supernatural
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Brokenhearted and discouraged because of the loss of her husband and the vandalizing of her music school.
· Finds new hope when she discovers supernatural powers.
· Makes a personal sacrifice for the children of her school.
BEATS
Heartbroken at loss of her husband in Iraq.
Discovers her music school has been vandalized and her janitor is missing.
Wants to quit, but delays because of community support and a purchase offer from Fabien.
Investigates purchase offer and ends up fighting her way out of an ambush.
Rejects Bianca’s supernatural explanation of events and fires her.
She commits to protecting the kids in her school.
Tries to use military skills to find the cause of her problems but no progress.
Reproachment with Bianca and agrees to try her way.
Sees Bianca raise her husband Ben as a zombie.
With Ben’s help attacks Vampire lair but is repulsed.
Another attack on her school convinces her to undergo Voodoo basic training.
Bianca and Acadia raise Ben’s military ancestors, creating zombie army.
Acadia and Ben lead an attack on Vampire lair but again are repulsed.
Acadia about to give up when Fabien kidnaps her students.
Acadia devises new, stealthier plan.
Acadia saves the kids, but she dies in the process.
Acadia and Ben reunited in the afterlife.
PART TO IMPROVE
“Sees Bianca raise her husband Ben as a zombie.”
IMPROVEMENT
I think I have made her conversion from non-believer to voodoo queen too easy. This needs to be more of a trauma.
“Sees Bianca raise her husband Ben as a zombie, thinks she has gone crazy and runs amok.”
Character 2: Fabien
PROFILE
Role: Antagonist. Wants to get control of Academy for the Lively Arts because it is over a demonic portal.
Core Character Traits: Arrogance, charm, duplicity
Character Subtext Logline: Fabien hates himself but wants power to take revenge on the city he blames for making him evil.
Flaw: He trusts no one
Secret: He’s a vampire.
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Serves a demon and rules a coven of vampires.
· Is winning battle with Acadia to give him the power to wreak vengeance on New Orleans.
· Underestimates Acadia and is destroyed.
BEATS
Appears at funeral of Acadia’s husband.
Makes human sacrifice to demon.
Unleashes demonic attack on Acadia’s school.
Sneaks demonic artifact into school to spy on Acadia.
Tries to get Acadia to sell the building to him.
Uses teenage Mia and innocent younger children to sabotage Acadia.
Tries to recruit Bianca to his side.
Threatens police detective helping Acadia.
Makes second effort to recruit Bianca.
Fabien becomes aware of the zombies and plans a trap for Bianca and Acadia.
Springs trap but fails.
Fabien begs Demon he serves for help.
Fabien conducts false flag operation making Zombies think they are being used for evil.
Fabien traps Ben and Acadia and kidnaps her students.
Threatens to kill students if Acadia does not cooperate.
Falls victim to Acadia’s commitment to her students.
Returns at Acadia’s wake, but is defeated by Zombie Ben.
PART TO IMPROVE
He’s not scary and evil enough.
“Makes second effort to recruit Bianca.”
“Fabien becomes aware of the zombies and plans a trap for Bianca and Acadia.”
“Springs trap but fails.”
IMPROVEMENT
“Makes second effort to recruit Bianca. When she refuses, he attacks her.”
“While attacking innocent people, Fabien becomes aware of zombies and plans trap for Bianca and Acadia.”
“Springs trap but fails, so attacks children’s parents”
Character 3: Bianca
Role: Mentor to Acadia and secretly a Voodoo Queen.
Core Character Traits: Caring, charitable, creative, and strong willed.
Character Subtext Logline: Wants to help Acadia because of all the good she is doing for the kids in the neighborhood, but needs to hide her voodoo connection.
Flaw: Impulsive
Secret: She had an affair with Fabien when they were young, and she has never found another man.
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Works at Acadia’s dance studio and is also a supportive friend.
· Reveals herself as Voodoo Queen
· Releases Ben and ancestors back into spirit world
BEATS
Comforts Acadia at Ben’s funeral.
Discovers vandalism of school with Acadia.
She suspects supernatural causes.
Tries to warn Acadia about Fabien, but not taken seriously.
Bianca confirms suspicions about Fabien.
Reveals her voodoo connections to Acadia, who fires her.
Bianca continues to observe and guard the school.
Acadia sees what Bianca is doing and they have a reproachment.
Bianca offers to raise Ben from the dead.
While gathering herbs for the ceremony, she is confronted, then attacked by Fabien.
Bianca raises Ben as a Zombie.
After Ben and Acadia fail to invade the Vampire resting place, Ben asks Bianca to restore his military ancestors.
Bianca has never done anything this big, so she convinces Acadia to help her.
Bianca and Acadia fall into a trap set by Fabien, but escape with the help of a student.
Bianca trains Acadia in voodoo, but Acadia runs amok, and Bianca and Ben must get her under control.
Bianca and Acadia bring Ben’s military relatives back as zombies.
During attack on vampire lair, Bianca and Acadia nearly fall to demons.
Bianca presides over “School Closing Concert”.
After Fabien kidnaps kids, Bianca assists with one last attack.
Bianca presides over Acadia’s wake, then, after Ben defeats zombie Fabien, she releases Ben back into the spirit world.
PART TO IMPROVE
“Bianca presides over Acadia’s wake, then, after Ben defeats zombie Fabien, she releases Ben back into the spirit world.”
IMPROVEMENT
Use Bianca to give even a happier end to the story. One more beat:
“Bianca leading children in song at the Acadia Academy.”
Character 4: Ben
Role: Sidekick/Guardian for Acadia
Core Character Traits: loyal, brave
Flaw: Physically weak in Zombie form compared to when he was alive.
Want/Need: To see Acadia happy again
Character Arc: Confusion about what has happened to acceptance of the spiritual world.
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Lost husband to Acadia
· As Zombie, helps save Acadia and her students
· Kills risen Fabien and joins Acadia in the afterlife.
BEATS
Acadia remembers Ben
Ben is brought back as a zombie.
Ben adjusts to new reality.
Ben and Acadia try to enter vampire lair, but he almost drops Acadia.
Ben proposes that Bianca bring back his military ancestors as a Zombie Army.
After Acadia gets Voodoo powers and wanders off, Ben and Bianca must save her.
Fabien makes zombies fight among themselves and Ben and Acadia must restore order.
Attack by Ben, Acadia and zombies goes wrong.
Ben and Acadia come up with deceptive plan.
Ben leads deception while Acadia goes after vampires.
Ben saves kids, but Acadia is killed as she destroys vampires.
Fabien returns as a Zombie Vampire and Ben defeats him.
Ben joins Acadia in the Spirit World.
PART TO IMPROVE
“Ben adjusts to new reality.”
IMPROVEMENT
This was all dialogue so add action.
“Ben adjusts to new reality after encountering unexpected creatures in graveyard.”
Character 5: Mia
Role: Cotagonist. Teenage Mia wants to help Acadia, but her hidden personal problems and moral choices create problems for Acadia.
Core Character Traits: Passionate, morally confused
Character Subtext Logline: Mia’s desperation to find help for her disabled mother causes her to make choices she must hide from everyone.
Flaw: Lacks moral compass
Mission/Agenda: Get money for her mom
Secret: She has done favors for Fabien in return for money
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Seems to be good helper to Acadia
· Becomes servant of Fabien
· Becomes Vampire but is killed by Fabien.
BEATS
Mia comforts Acadia at Funeral.
Mia helps around studio.
When Fabien demands to be invited into the school, Mia invites him in.
Mia meets with Fabien and performs tasks in return for money.
Mia gives bad instructions to kids at school.
Mia visits mother and gives her money.
Mia gives Acadia a lead to investigate which results in Acadia being ambushed.
Acadia tells Mia to get out of school.
Fabien gives her assignment to harass local priest.
Mia keeps attack on vampires from being successful.
Mia as a vampire tries to defend Acadia, but Fabien kills her.
PART TO IMPROVE
“Mia as a vampire tries to defend Acadia, but Fabien kills her.”
IMPROVEMENT
Keep her as a familiar to Fabien.
“Mia must choose between becoming a vampire and saving Acadia. When she chooses Acadia, Fabien kills her.”
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Leo’s Character Profiles
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is helpful to do character analysis on more than just the two or three main characters. I had never gone beyond that before.
LOGLINE – DEAD SOLDIERS – Horror – When her music school is sabotaged by a gang of vampires, an Army widow is helped by a voodoo priestess to raise her dead husband and his ancestors from their graves to battle the vampires and try to save her students.
Character 1: Acadia
Role: Protagonist. Owner of Academy for the Lively Arts
Core Character Traits: caring, talented, matter of fact, reality-basedCharacter Subtext Logline: After an unfortunate, lonely childhood, Acadia is coming into her own, but tends to sarcasm to hide feelings and needs.
Flaw: Pessimistic because she keeps losing people
World View: Doesn’t believe in the supernatural
IMPROVED ITEM: Change “matter of fact” to “emotionally vulnerable”, because that’s what causes her subtext, and “matter of fact” is not that different from “reality-based”.Character 2: Fabien
Role: Antagonist. Wants to get control of Academy for the Lively Arts because it is over a demonic portal.
Core Character Traits: Arrogance
Character Subtext Logline: Fabien hates himself but wants power over others to boost his ego
Flaw: He trusts no one
Secret: He’s a vampire.
IMPROVED ITEM: Change “wants power over others to boost his ego” to “wants power to take revenge on the city he blames for making him evil.” My original vision of Fabien was too generic of a vampire character. I see him now as a deeply damaged, sad, and vengeful character. Also, will add “charm” and “duplicity” to his Core Character Traits.Character 3: Bianca
Role: Mentor to Acadia and secretly a Voodoo Queen.
Core Character Traits: Caring
Character Subtext Logline: Wants to help Acadia because of all the good she is doing for the kids in the neighborhood, but needs to hide her voodoo connection.
Flaw: Impulsive
Secret: She had an affair with Fabien when they were young and she has never found another man.
What makes this character unique? She was part of Fabien’s world, but resisted corruption.IMPROVED ITEM: Need to develop this character more, so will add Core Character Traits of charitable, creative, and strong willed.
Character 4: Ben
Role: Sidekick/Guardian for Acadia
Core Character Traits: loyal, brave
Flaw: Physically weak in Zombie form compared to when he was alive.
Want/Need: To see Acadia happy again
Character Arc: Confusion about what has happened to acceptance of the spiritual world.IMPROVED ITEM: Had not analyzed Ben before or thought about his archetype so everything is new and should help.
Character 5: Mia
Role: Cotagonist. Teenage Mia wants to help Acadia, but her hidden personal problems and moral choices create problems for Acadia.
Core Character Traits: Passionate, morally confused
Character Subtext Logline: Mia’s desperation to find help for her disabled mother causes her to make choices she must hide from everyone.
Flaw: Lacks moral compass
Mission/Agenda: Get money for her mom
Secret: She has done favors for Fabien in return for money
IMPROVED ITEM: As with Ben, had not written down any of this before, so everything is an improvement. -
Leo’s Story Beats
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that looking at the beats individually is a way to get ideas on how to elevate them. I did have some trouble working backwards and stopped that after a while.
LOGLINE
Acadia, an Army widow who runs a music school in New Orleans, has her school and students threatened by Fabien, a twisted vampire king. Though an unbeliever, in desperation, she lets a Voodoo Queen raise her husband from the dead. Acadia and her husband lead a zombie army against the vampires to try to save her students.
— ORIGINAL BEATS —
Mini-Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure
1. EXT. IRAQ BATTLEFIELD – SERIES OF SHOTS
American soldier Acadia takes cover behind a low wall. Insurgent in a room covered in Satanic images fires on her.
Automatic weapons fire strikes her position. Ben arrives next to her. Their eyes meet briefly. Ben throws a grenade, and they rush the insurgent position.
They break into the insurgent’s position from behind and shoot him. As he dies his body bursts into flame and Acadia reacts to a pain on her arm.
Ben looks concerned. Acadia shakes it off.
FADE TO
2. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
Thunder. Ben’s funeral. Taps plays against background of cloudy sky. Acadia is comforted by Bianca who tries to get her to make the sign of the cross. Pain in her left arm. She looks at and touches an old bruise on her arm which resembles part of a key. Her mind drifts…
3. EXT. DREAM WORLD – MONTAGE
Acadia and Ben in civilian dress laugh together in a beautiful forest. They say their vows in a wedding. Ben waives goodbye from a jeep. Acadia and Ben at ribbon cutting of School for the Lively Arts. Children sing and dance. Ben in uniform boards a plane.
4. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
Rifles fire into air. Acadia handed folded flag and sees momentary supernatural vision. Ben’s coffin is carried into Wilder family mausoleum.
5. INT. MAUSOLEUM – CONTINUOUS
Honor guard enters mausoleum and are frightened by strange sounds and movements of other coffins.
6. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Acadia tries to regain composure as she receives condolences.
7. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Demonic face glowing in wall issues command to Fabien. He executes a captive offering a tribute of blood to the demon.
8.INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
A stone floor tile moves. From below, a demon rises, savages inside of school and attacks a janitor.
9. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Only Acadia and Bianca remain. Bianca invites Acadia to stay with her tonight. She agrees.
10. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – MORNING
Acadia and Bianca return to the school to find it vandalized with threats painted on the wall. Acadia screams. Bianca tries to comfort her but notices things that make her suspect supernatural events. Acadia calls police.
11. EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Bianca passes Louis, the band leader, as she leaves. He finds students outside the school and tells them not to bother Acadia and to go home. They wander off.
12. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Acadia halfheartedly tries to clean-up. Louis comes in and suggests that the attack is supernatural in origin. Acadia rejects this violently.
13. EXT. GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – DAY
Fabien, from a shadowed doorway, accosts one of the wandering students and gives him a gift to deliver to Acadia.
14. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER Student places gift, a small statue on a shelf. Acadia hears strange noises coming from beneath the floor. She blames her mental state.
Mini–Movie 2 – Locked into Conflict
15. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Knocking on door wakes up Acadia. Students, parents and staff enter, offer support and ask her to stay. They say they will help.
While parents discuss things with Acadia, Fabien bangs on the door and demands to be invited in, which he is by teenage student Mia.
Fabien tries to charm Acadia and makes an offer to buy the property. Parents and students don’t like him. Community asks her to stay. Acadia stalls on Fabien’s generous offer and asks to be left alone.
Bianca arrives and is shocked when she sees Fabien.
16. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER
Bianca tries to warn Acadia about Fabien, but Acadia does not take the warning seriously.
17. INT. JAZZ CLUB – NIGHT
Mia meets with Fabien. Louis who performs there sees them together.
18. EXT. SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Cab pulls up to the door where Louis and kids are cleaning graffiti. Cabby unloads luggage. Acadia has given up her apartment and prepares to live at the school. Cabby slides Acadia’s trunk over demonic tile.
19.INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Kids are performing on the stage.
Mia whispers something to one of the younger boys and he runs from the school.
Louis warns Acadia about Mia.
20. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien sits before glowing image on wall. Sacrifices a rat. One of Acadia’s students enters. Fabien rewards student with money and gives him a package. Fabien drips rat blood on alter.
21. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER
Parent on ladder working on fixing lighting fixture gets bitten by a rat and grabs at electrical cord, gets electric shock. Falls.
22. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Emergency flashing light. Paramedics remove injured parent. Noah and other students crying. They share candy with Acadia. Acadia sits and sees vision of herself hanging.
Mia gives her a lead about the vandalism to investigate.
23. EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Bianca confronts Fabien, but he tries to recruit his old lover Bianca back to his side. She confirms her suspicions about his motivations.
24. EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Acadia follows up on lead from Mia and walks into an ambush. She fights her way out.
25. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Bianca finds Acadia making a hangman’s noose. Bianca reveals her Voodoo past to Acadia and offers to bring back Ben as a zombie to help her. Acadia suspects Bianca is crazy and fires her.
Acadia finds students who ate candy, sick and terrified. They tell her that Fabien gave them the candy. Now Acadia becomes angry and promises children she will not let this bad man hurt them again.
She swings the noose, knocks the sculpture Fabien gave her to the floor, shattering it. Throws the noose in the trash. Broken pieces of the sculpture glow with green light.
Mini-Movie 3: Standard Ways Fail
26. INT. SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – DAY
While waiting for police to show up, Acadia confronts Mia and tells her to get out.
Police arrive and Acadia tries to convive police of Fabien’s involvement. As they inspect the school one of the detectives recognizes a symbol burned into the door and promises to help.
27. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia construct traps and sets up cameras to catch vandals. Police detective sends a priest to help her, but she rejects the help. The Priest somehow knows things about Fabien and Acadia’s mother.
28. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Detective confronts Fabien. Fabien has him taken prisoner. Bites his neck.
29. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia reviews video recordings on computer. She sees Bianca hiding across the street keeping guard over the school. She regrets firing her. She runs out to look for her.
30. EXT. OUTSIDE OF IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Mia thanks Fabien and indicates understanding.
31. INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NIGHT
Mia tells priest that she is going to tell people what he has done. He tries to dissuade her from the path she is on, revealing more knowledge of Fabien.
32. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia calls police department and asks for detective. They haven’t seen him. She opens refrigerator and his severed head is there. Police return.
33. INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
Acadia goes to the church and looks for the priest. No-one know where he is. Acadia sees symbol that Detective noticed, carved into a tree outside the church.
Mini-Movie 4: Hero Forms a New Plan
34. EXT. NEAR SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia waits for Bianca. When she arrives, agrees to try things her way, as a rapprochement. She doesn’t believe this will work, but she wants Bianca’s help. Bianca agrees, but seems distant.
35. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia asks why she has watched. Bianca reveals some things about Fabien, but fears Acadia will reject her again.
36. EXT. COMMUNITY GARDEN – NIGHT
Bianca is out gathering supplies for the ceremony, when she is confronted by Fabien. He offers to restore her youth and be with her forever. She rejects his offer, knows he wants to control the demon portal to take revenge on the city. She knows how to keep him at bay.
37. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Acadia and Bianca enter Wilder family mausoleum.
38. INT. WILDER FAMILY MAUSOLEUM – CONTINUOUS
Bianca performs ceremony. When Ben reappears, Acadia thinks she’s gone mad and asks for proof. Ben shares with her things Bianca could not have known.
39. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
They debate over a plan to attack Fabien. The plan is vague and Ben seems confused and spaced out.
40. EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
They attempt to scale tower to get to vampire vault. They are attacked by Gargoyle like creatures. Ben almost drops Acadia. Attack fails.
41. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
They retreat to the school defeated. Ben takes blame, not as strong as he used to be. The sculpture that Acadia shattered has somehow reassembled.
MID-POINT TURNING POINT: PLAN FAILS
MINI-MOVIE 5 – HERO RETREATS, ANTAGONIST PREVAILS – PAGES 60 — 75
42. EXT. STREET – NIGHT
While watching the In the Dark Club, Ben proposes to Acadia and Bianca that they bring back his ancestors who have fought in every war since the American Revolution.
Bianca has never tried to pull off something this big. She needs help. Convinces Acadia to go all in on the spirit world.
43. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien realizes what Bianca has done. He calls his minions together and sets a trap.
44. EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Students perform for tourists walking by. Noah dressed like a knight. Fabien springs his trap, luring Acadia and Bianca into a tourist bus. He mocks them in front of the students and recruits some students. Fabien again demands Acadia sign over her property and she still refuses.
Noah creates distraction by driving his sword into the radiator of the bus, making it look like a cross. Acadia and Bianca escape.
Fabien leaves, but several parents also leave, saying the school is too dangerous. Acadia is losing support in the community.
45. MONTAGE
Acadia goes into voodoo “basic training”. Signs that she used to have faith. Under stress, she appears on the edge of insanity.
46. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Bianca and Acadia perform ceremony. Ben’s relatives are raised: Soldiers from Revolutionary, Civil War (north and south), WWI, WWII, Vietnam. New zombies are confused and begin to fight among themselves. Revolutionary and Civil War soldiers think they are enemies. Acadia quashes squabbling among Ben’s ancestors and takes command.
47. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien performs ceremony asking his mentor for advice on dealing with zombies. Mentor can become powerful again if Fabien can control school and the cursed portal. Fabien will get revenge on New Orleans.
48. EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia leads direct assault against club, but demons, thugs, and vampires drive them off.
49. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Someone obliterated WWI Zombie left to guard the school and Acadia’s trunk has been dumped. She recognizes a torn package which includes a picture of her mom and her mom’s crucifix, which she takes and puts on.
TURNING POINT: THE DECISION TO CHANGE
MINI-MOVIE 6 – HERO’S BIGGER, BETTER PLAN! – PAGES 75 — 90
50. INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NIGHT
Acadia enters pew and prays. Missing Priest comes out of hiding, gives her a map showing portal upon which her school rests. Reveals curse. Shows her bruise on his wrist.
Tells her he is her father, but she misunderstands.
Transfers bruise from his wrist, and power to Acadia. Bruise on her wrist becomes sharp like a tattoo of a key. As he walks away, he busts into flames.
51. INT. MAUSOLEUM – NIGHT
Fabien conducts false flag operation, taking advantages of the zombie’s prejudices, making them think they are being used for evil.
52. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Confederate and Union zombies fight among themselves
Acadia and Ben arrive, restore order. Explain plan. Zombies express regret at being brought back. Acadia appeals again for their help.
53. EXT. BEHIND GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Truck pulls up with supplies, Acadia driving. She unloads boxes, getting access to the club.
54. INT. BACKROOM GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia hides, searches for coffins. Notices rotting beams in tower, almost falling off of one. Locates coffins. Places explosive. As she leaves, she is observed by Mia.
55. EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia and Ben waiting to hear explosion.
56. EXT. ROOF OF GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Mia appears with explosive and throws it down to street.
57. EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Explosion destroys cars and hurts people. Panic. Police arriving.
58. EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia helps wounded. Finds her favorite student, Noah, dying.
59. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia tells Ben all is lost. Wants to leave. Ben’s zombie relatives appear and ask to be released back to the spirit world.
TURNING POINT: THE ULTIMATE FAILURE
MINI-MOVIE 7 – CRISIS AND CLIMAX – PAGES 90 – 105
60. EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Sign: Farewell Concert – School Closing. Sad families and kids enter. Bianca tells them Acadia will be there soon. Time to say goodbye. Some students and parents still don’t want her to go and not everyone knows she has been fighting Fabien.
61. INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Acadia thanking Ben and his relatives. Door slammed shut. Locked from outside by Fabien minion.
Acadia and Ben struggle with door.
62. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
As kids perform, smoke emerges from around demonic tile on floor. Kids and parents pass out.
63. INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Revolutionary war zombie opens door with sword. Gives sword to Ben.
64. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia rushes in. Everyone gone. Sculpture delivers message from Fabien. Has children, will kill them unless Acadia signs over her property and sets off a bomb during a Mardi Gras parade
Acadia and Ben hatch new plan and give it one last try
65. INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Acadia and Ben look for Bianca and find zombies decided not to be released and are still there. New plan.
66. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia makes reservation for bachelor party.
MINI-MOVIE 8 – NEW STATUS QUO – PAGES 105 – 120
67. INT. FOYER OF GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia and team arrive in masks for bachelor party. Some masks conceal military style radios. Bouncer wants them to pass through metal detector. Bianca knocks out bouncer.
68. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Soldier/Zombies are entertained. Dancers discover peculiar guests and realize they are performing for Zombies. Look for Fabien. Not there. Vampires out hunting.
69. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER- NIGHT
Acadia discovers imprisoned kids. Radios Ben their location and asks for help.
70. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Ben and relatives start up stairs but dancers turn demonic and they must fight their way toward kids.
71. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER – NIGHT
Acadia finds vampire coffins. Attaches explosives to rotting beam. The trap is set to destroy the vampires but kids are still in the building. Have to wait.
72. EXT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAWN
Bats fly in through window.
73. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER – DAWN
Bats surround Acadia and take on vampire form. Mia is now a vampire. They threaten and hurt Acadia.
As Vampires taunt her, Acadia hears radio message from Ben. Kids are safe. Acadia sets off explosives, collapsing roof, roasting vampires, burying herself in rubble.
74. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia’s wake. Community in attendance.
Bianca begins voodoo chant to bring her back. Fabien emerges through floor in gaseous form and turns into vampire/zombie.
Attendees scream and flee.
Zombie Fabien holds hand over Acadia’s body and key bruise/tattoo transfers from her wrist to his. Acadia’s body bursts into flame. Fabien looks triumphant just before Ben cuts off his head with revolutionary war sword, destroying him. Key bruise/tattoo disappears from Fabien’s wrist, and demonic tile in floor fuses with surrounding stone.
Only Ben and Bianca remain in room. Bianca says Acadia cannot be brought back.
75. INT. MAUSOLEUM – NIGHT
Bianca performs voodoo to release Ben’s spirit from his body. The spirit is freed as the body turns to dust. It is time for Ben to go home. He is alone. He feels the loss that Acadia felt. It his time to be lonely.
76. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Ben’s spirit exits the mausoleum and sees Acadia’s spirit waiting. They embrace. They walk off hand-in-hand to music played by spirits of New Orleans jazz greats.
TURNING POINT: NEW STATUS QUO
— BEATS PULLED OUT —
Need to hint at Fabien’s relationship to this building and his problem:
OLD
15. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Knocking on door wakes up Acadia. Students, parents, and staff enter, offer support and ask her to stay. They say they will help.
While parents discuss things with Acadia, Fabien bangs on the door and demands to be invited in, which he is by teenage student Mia.
Fabien tries to charm Acadia and makes an offer to buy the property. Parents and students don’t like him. Community asks her to stay. Acadia stalls on Fabien’s generous offer and asks to be left alone.
Bianca arrives and is shocked when she sees Fabien.
NEW
…by teenage student Mia.
Fabien tries to charm Acadia and makes an offer to buy…
Mia mentions her mother, but we need to see her to establish sympathy for Mia’s plight.
NEW
19.B. Mia visits her Mom and gives her wad of money.
Detective Gomez needs to survive longer
OLD
28. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Detective confronts Fabien. Fabien has him taken prisoner. Bites his neck.
NEW
28. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Detective confronts Fabien. He’s on to Fabien’s tricks and just avoids being killed by Fabien.
Drop this and have Detective Gomez help Acadia and Bianca in assault on Fabien and have him die saving one of them.
32. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia calls police department and asks for detective. They haven’t seen him. She opens refrigerator and his severed head is there. Police return.
Too easy. Have the Voodoo capable Acadia wander off and Bianca and Ben have to coral her until she calms down.
OLD
45. MONTAGE
Acadia goes into voodoo “basic training”. Signs that she used to have faith. Under stress, she appears on the edge of insanity.
NEW
New demise for Gomez.
OLD
48. EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia leads direct assault against club, but demons, thugs, and vampires drive them off.
NEW
48. EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia leads direct assault against club, but demons, thugs, and vampires drive them off. Acadia and Bianca nearly fall to demons, but Gomez saves them, losing his life in the process.
Needs to be scarier.
OLD
74. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia’s wake. Community in attendance.
Bianca begins voodoo chant to bring her back. Fabien emerges through floor in gaseous form and turns into vampire/zombie.
Attendees scream and flee.
NEW
— NEW VERSION OF BEATS —
Mini-Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure
1. EXT. IRAQ BATTLEFIELD – SERIES OF SHOTS
American soldier Acadia takes cover behind a low wall. Insurgent in a room covered in Satanic images fires on her.
Automatic weapons fire strikes her position. Ben arrives next to her. Their eyes meet briefly. Ben throws a grenade, and they rush the insurgent position.
They break into the insurgent’s position from behind and shoot him. As he dies his body bursts into flame and Acadia reacts to a pain on her arm.
Ben looks concerned. Acadia shakes it off.
FADE TO
2. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
Thunder. Ben’s funeral. Taps plays against background of cloudy sky. Acadia is comforted by Bianca who tries to get her to make the sign of the cross. Pain in her left arm. She looks at and touches an old bruise on her arm which resembles part of a key. Her mind drifts…
3. EXT. DREAM WORLD – MONTAGE
Acadia and Ben in civilian dress laugh together in a beautiful forest. They say their vows in a wedding. Ben waives goodbye from a jeep. Acadia and Ben at ribbon cutting of School for the Lively Arts. Children sing and dance. Ben in uniform boards a plane.
4. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
Rifles fire into air. Acadia handed folded flag and sees momentary supernatural vision. Ben’s coffin is carried into Wilder family mausoleum.
5. INT. MAUSOLEUM – CONTINUOUS
Honor guard enters mausoleum and are frightened by strange sounds and movements of other coffins.
6. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Acadia tries to regain composure as she receives condolences.
7. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Demonic face glowing in wall issues command to Fabien. He executes a captive offering a tribute of blood to the demon.
8.INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
A stone floor tile moves. From below, a demon rises, savages inside of school and attacks a janitor.
9. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Only Acadia and Bianca remain. Bianca invites Acadia to stay with her tonight. She agrees.
10. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – MORNING
Acadia and Bianca return to the school to find it vandalized with threats painted on the wall. Acadia screams. Bianca tries to comfort her but notices things that make her suspect supernatural events. Acadia calls police.
11. EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Bianca passes Louis, the band leader, as she leaves. He finds students outside the school and tells them not to bother Acadia and to go home. They wander off.
12. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Acadia halfheartedly tries to clean-up. Louis comes in and suggests that the attack is supernatural in origin. Acadia rejects this violently.
13. EXT. GENTLEMEN’S CLUB – DAY
Fabien, from a shadowed doorway, accosts one of the wandering students and gives him a gift to deliver to Acadia.
14. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER Student places gift, a small statue on a shelf. Acadia hears strange noises coming from beneath the floor. She blames her mental state.
Mini–Movie 2 – Locked into Conflict
15. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Knocking on door wakes up Acadia. Students, parents. and staff enter, offer support and ask her to stay. They say they will help.
While parents discuss things with Acadia, Fabien bangs on the door and demands to be invited in, which he is by teenage student Mia.
As Fabien enters, he pauses as a memory flashes into his brain of him as a young child standing naked in the middle of that room surrounded by Satanists. He continues.
Fabien tries to charm Acadia and makes an offer to buy the property. Parents and students don’t like him. Community asks her to stay. Acadia stalls on Fabien’s generous offer and asks to be left alone.
Bianca arrives and is shocked when she sees Fabien.
16. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER
Bianca tries to warn Acadia about Fabien, but Acadia does not take the warning seriously.
17. INT. JAZZ CLUB – NIGHT
Mia meets with Fabien. Louis who performs there sees them together.
18. EXT. SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Cab pulls up to the door where Louis and kids are cleaning graffiti. Cabby unloads luggage. Acadia has given up her apartment and prepares to live at the school. Cabby slides Acadia’s trunk over demonic tile.
19.INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – CONTINUOUS
Kids are performing on the stage.
Mia whispers something to one of the younger boys and he runs from the school.
Louis warns Acadia about Mia.
19.B. Mia visits her Mom and gives her wad of money.
20. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien sits before glowing image on wall. Sacrifices a rat. One of Acadia’s students enters. Fabien rewards student with money and gives him a package. Fabien drips rat blood on alter.
21. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – LATER
Parent on ladder working on fixing lighting fixture gets bitten by a rat and grabs at electrical cord, gets electric shock. Falls.
22. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Emergency flashing light. Paramedics remove injured parent. Noah and other students crying. They share candy with Acadia. Acadia sits and sees vision of herself hanging.
Mia gives her a lead about the vandalism to investigate.
23. EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Bianca confronts Fabien, but he tries to recruit his old lover Bianca back to his side. She confirms her suspicions about his motivations.
24. EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Acadia follows up on lead from Mia and walks into an ambush. She fights her way out.
25. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Bianca finds Acadia making a hangman’s noose. Bianca reveals her Voodoo past to Acadia and offers to bring back Ben as a zombie to help her. Acadia suspects Bianca is crazy and fires her.
Acadia finds students who ate candy, sick and terrified. They tell her that Fabien gave them the candy. Now Acadia becomes angry and promises children she will not let this bad man hurt them again.
She swings the noose, knocks the sculpture Fabien gave her to the floor, shattering it. Throws the noose in the trash. Broken pieces of the sculpture glow with green light.
Mini-Movie 3: Standard Ways Fail
26. INT. SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – DAY
While waiting for police to show up, Acadia confronts Mia and tells her to get out.
Police arrive and Acadia tries to convive police of Fabien’s involvement. As they inspect the school one of the detectives recognizes a symbol burned into the door and promises to help.
27. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia construct traps and sets up cameras to catch vandals. Police detective sends a priest to help her, but she rejects the help. The Priest somehow knows things about Fabien and Acadia’s mother.
28. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Detective confronts Fabien. He’s on to Fabien’s tricks and just avoids being killed by Fabien.
29. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia reviews video recordings on computer. She sees Bianca hiding across the street keeping guard over the school. She regrets firing her. She runs out to look for her.
30. EXT. OUTSIDE OF IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Mia thanks Fabien and indicates understanding.
31. INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NIGHT
Mia tells priest that she is going to tell people what he has done. He tries to dissuade her from the path she is on, revealing more knowledge of Fabien.
33. INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
Acadia goes to the church and looks for the priest. No-one know where he is. Acadia sees symbol that Detective noticed, carved into a tree outside the church.
Mini-Movie 4: Hero Forms a New Plan
34. EXT. NEAR SCHOOL FOR THE LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia waits for Bianca. When she arrives, agrees to try things her way, as a rapprochement. She doesn’t believe this will work, but she wants Bianca’s help. Bianca agrees, but seems distant.
35. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia asks why she has watched. Bianca reveals some things about Fabien, but fears Acadia will reject her again.
36. EXT. COMMUNITY GARDEN – NIGHT
Bianca is out gathering supplies for the ceremony, when she is confronted by Fabien. He offers to restore her youth and be with her forever. She rejects his offer, knows he wants to control the demon portal to take revenge on the city. She knows how to keep him at bay.
37. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Acadia and Bianca enter Wilder family mausoleum.
38. INT. WILDER FAMILY MAUSOLEUM – CONTINUOUS
Bianca performs ceremony. When Ben reappears, Acadia thinks she’s gone mad and asks for proof. Ben shares with her things Bianca could not have known.
39. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – DAY
They debate over a plan to attack Fabien. The plan is vague, and Ben seems confused and spaced out.
40. EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
They attempt to scale tower to get to vampire vault. They are attacked by Gargoyle like creatures. Ben almost drops Acadia. Attack fails.
41. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
They retreat to the school defeated. Ben takes blame, not as strong as he used to be. The sculpture that Acadia shattered has somehow reassembled.
MID-POINT TURNING POINT: PLAN FAILS
MINI-MOVIE 5 – HERO RETREATS, ANTAGONIST PREVAILS – PAGES 60 — 75
42. EXT. STREET – NIGHT
While watching the In the Dark Club, Ben proposes to Acadia and Bianca that they bring back his ancestors who have fought in every war since the American Revolution.
Bianca has never tried to pull off something this big. She needs help. Convinces Acadia to go all in on the spirit world.
43. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien realizes what Bianca has done. He calls his minions together and sets a trap.
44. EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Students perform for tourists walking by. Noah dressed like a knight. Fabien springs his trap, luring Acadia and Bianca into a tourist bus. He mocks them in front of the students and recruits some students. Fabien again demands Acadia sign over her property and she still refuses.
Noah creates distraction by driving his sword into the radiator of the bus, making it look like a cross. Acadia and Bianca escape.
Fabien leaves, but several parents also leave, saying the school is too dangerous. Acadia is losing support in the community.
45. Acadia goes into voodoo “basic training”. Signs that she used to have faith. Under stress, she appears on the edge of insanity, and wanders off exploring her new powers. Ben and Bianca have to hunt her down and get her under control.
46. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Bianca and Acadia perform ceremony. Ben’s relatives are raised: Soldiers from Revolutionary, Civil War (north and south), WWI, WWII, Vietnam. New zombies are confused and begin to fight among themselves. Revolutionary and Civil War soldiers think they are enemies. Acadia quashes squabbling among Ben’s ancestors and takes command.
47. INT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Fabien performs ceremony asking his mentor for advice on dealing with zombies. Mentor can become powerful again if Fabien can control school and the cursed portal. Fabien will get revenge on New Orleans.
48. EXT. IN THE DARK GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia leads direct assault against club, but demons, thugs, and vampires drive them off. Acadia and Bianca nearly fall to demons, but Gomez saves them, losing his life in the process.
49. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Someone obliterated WWI Zombie left to guard the school and Acadia’s trunk has been dumped. She recognizes a torn package which includes a picture of her mom and her mom’s crucifix, which she takes and puts on.
TURNING POINT: THE DECISION TO CHANGE
MINI-MOVIE 6 – HERO’S BIGGER, BETTER PLAN! – PAGES 75 — 90
50. INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NIGHT
Acadia enters pew and prays. Missing Priest comes out of hiding, gives her a map showing portal upon which her school rests. Reveals curse. Shows her bruise on his wrist.
Tells her he is her father, but she misunderstands.
Transfers bruise from his wrist, and power to Acadia. Bruise on her wrist becomes sharp like a tattoo of a key. As he walks away, he busts into flames.
51. INT. MAUSOLEUM – NIGHT
Fabien conducts false flag operation, taking advantages of the zombie’s prejudices, making them think they are being used for evil.
52. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – NIGHT
Confederate and Union zombies fight among themselves
Acadia and Ben arrive, restore order. Explain plan. Zombies express regret at being brought back. Acadia appeals again for their help.
53. EXT. BEHIND GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Truck pulls up with supplies, Acadia driving. She unloads boxes, getting access to the club.
54. INT. BACKROOM GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia hides, searches for coffins. Notices rotting beams in tower, almost falling off of one. Locates coffins. Places explosive. As she leaves, she is observed by Mia.
55. EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia and Ben waiting to hear explosion.
56. EXT. ROOF OF GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Mia appears with explosive and throws it down to street.
57. EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Explosion destroys cars and hurts people. Panic. Police arriving.
58. EXT. STREET NEAR GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAY
Acadia helps wounded. Finds her favorite student, Noah, dying.
59. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – NIGHT
Acadia tells Ben all is lost. Wants to leave. Ben’s zombie relatives appear and ask to be released back to the spirit world.
TURNING POINT: THE ULTIMATE FAILURE
MINI-MOVIE 7 – CRISIS AND CLIMAX – PAGES 90 – 105
60. EXT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Sign: Farewell Concert – School Closing. Sad families and kids enter. Bianca tells them Acadia will be there soon. Time to say goodbye. Some students and parents still don’t want her to go and not everyone knows she has been fighting Fabien.
61. INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Acadia thanking Ben and his relatives. Door slammed shut. Locked from outside by Fabien minion.
Acadia and Ben struggle with door.
62. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
As kids perform, smoke emerges from around demonic tile on floor. Kids and parents pass out.
63. INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Revolutionary war zombie opens door with sword. Gives sword to Ben.
64. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia rushes in. Everyone gone. Sculpture delivers message from Fabien. Has children, will kill them unless Acadia signs over her property and sets off a bomb during a Mardi Gras parade
Acadia and Ben hatch new plan and give it one last try.
65. INT. MAUSOLEUM – DAY
Acadia and Ben look for Bianca and find zombies decided not to be released and are still there. New plan.
66. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia makes reservation for bachelor party.
MINI-MOVIE 8 – NEW STATUS QUO – PAGES 105 – 120
67. INT. FOYER OF GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Acadia and team arrive in masks for bachelor party. Some masks conceal military style radios. Bouncer wants them to pass through metal detector. Bianca knocks out bouncer.
68. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Soldier/Zombies are entertained. Dancers discover peculiar guests and realize they are performing for Zombies. Look for Fabien. Not there. Vampires out hunting.
69. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER- NIGHT
Acadia discovers imprisoned kids. Radios Ben their location and asks for help.
70. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – NIGHT
Ben and relatives start up stairs but dancers turn demonic and they must fight their way toward kids.
71. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER – NIGHT
Acadia finds vampire coffins. Attaches explosives to rotting beam. The trap is set to destroy the vampires but kids are still in the building. Have to wait.
72. EXT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB – DAWN
Bats fly in through window.
73. INT. GENTLEMAN’S CLUB TOWER – DAWN
Bats surround Acadia and take on vampire form. Mia is now a vampire. They threaten and hurt Acadia.
As Vampires taunt her, Acadia hears radio message from Ben. Kids are safe. Acadia sets off explosives, collapsing roof, roasting vampires, burying herself in rubble.
74. INT. SCHOOL FOR LIVELY ARTS – DAY
Acadia’s wake. Community in attendance.
Bianca begins voodoo chant to bring her back. Ben does not want to watch and walks into next room. Fabien emerges through floor in gaseous form and turns into vampire/zombie.
Fabien threatens attendees, backing them into a corner, promising to give them a horrible death. He then turns to Acadia’s body.
Zombie Fabien holds hand over Acadia’s body and key bruise/tattoo transfers from her wrist to his. Acadia’s body bursts into flame. Fabien looks triumphant just before Ben cuts off his head with revolutionary war sword, destroying him. Key bruise/tattoo disappears from Fabien’s wrist, and demonic tile in floor fuses with surrounding stone and demon picture fades away.
Only Ben and Bianca remain in room. Bianca says Acadia cannot be brought back.
75. INT. MAUSOLEUM – NIGHT
Bianca performs voodoo to release Ben’s spirit from his body. The spirit is freed as the body turns to dust. It is time for Ben to go home. He is alone. He feels the loss that Acadia felt. It his time to be lonely.
76. EXT. NEW ORLEANS CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Ben’s spirit exits the mausoleum and sees Acadia’s spirit waiting. They embrace. They walk off hand-in-hand to music played by spirits of New Orleans jazz greats.
TURNING POINT: NEW STATUS QUO
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Leo’s Concept and Basic Structure
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that I need to go deeper into the mysticism and relationships and corruption among some of the characters.
ORIGINAL VERSION
Logline: DEAD SOLDIERS
Genre: Horror
Acadia, an Army widow who runs a music school in New Orleans, has her school and students threatened by Fabien, a twisted vampire king. Though an unbeliever, in desperation, she lets a Voodoo Queen raise her husband from the dead. Together they lead a zombie army against the vampires to try and save her students.
Main Conflict: The vampire Fabien wants control of the music school run by Acadia, so he can unleash demons from the portal beneath it and take revenge on New Orleans. He kidnaps Acadia’s students and threatens to kill them.
1. Opening:
Acadia at her soldier husband’s funeral, grieves and remembers.
2. Inciting Incident:
Her music school is vandalized and marked with mystical symbols.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Fabien wants something from Acadia and is using her students against her.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Acadia overcomes self-pity and decides to fight Fabien.
5. Mid-Point: Her efforts to reveal Fabien’s misdeeds and plots with the help of the police fail when the detective that has been helping her is killed. She decides to turn to the supernatural for help.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
The zombie army she has raised fails in its attempts to defeat Fabien.
7. Crisis:
Fabien has taken Acadia’s students captive and will kill them if she does not give him what he wants.
8. Climax:
Acadia defeats Fabien and saves her students by sacrificing herself.
9. Resolution:
Acadia and her husband are reunited in the afterlife.
ELEVATED VERSION
Logline: DEAD SOLDIERS
Genre: Horror
Acadia, an Army widow who runs a music school in New Orleans, has her school and students threatened by Fabien, a twisted vampire king. Though an unbeliever, in desperation, she lets a Voodoo Queen raise her husband from the dead. Acadia and her husband lead a zombie army against the vampires to try to save her students.
Main Conflict: The vampire Fabien blames a web of depravity in New Orleans for his unhappiness. He wants control of the music school run by Acadia, so he can unleash demons from the portal beneath it and take revenge on the city. Acadia fights back, but then Fabien kidnaps Acadia’s students and threatens to kill them.
1. Opening:
Acadia at her soldier husband’s funeral, grieves and remembers, while being oblivious to supernatural events happening around her.
2. Inciting Incident:
Her music school is vandalized, the janitor is killed, and mystical symbols appear.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Fabien wants control of Acadia’s school and is using her students against her.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Acadia sees her students being harmed and promises them she will stop this evil man who is afflicting them.
5. Mid-Point: Her efforts to reveal Fabien’s misdeeds and plots with the help of the police fail. The detective helping her gets close to exposing the web of corruption around her school and he is killed. She decides to turn to the supernatural for help.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
The zombie army she has raised fights among itself and fails in its attempts to defeat Fabien.
7. Crisis:
Fabien has taken Acadia’s students captive and will kill them if she does not give him what he wants.
8. Climax:
Acadia defeats Fabien and saves her students by sacrificing herself.
9. Resolution:
Acadia and her husband are reunited in the afterlife.
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Benito Selim has a horror concept I like. If he is not available, anyone who is writing horror, or just likes zombies and vampires would be good.
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Leo Sopicki Logline and One Page
What I’ve Learned: You can make a script that you like better: I’ve already turned my logline on its head. I wrote this script in another SU course, but it needs to be better. I am committed to turning it into one of those amazing scripts Hal talked about.
DEAD SOLDIERS – Horror
Acadia, an Army widow who runs a music school in New Orleans, has her school and students threatened by Fabien, a twisted vampire king. Though an unbeliever, in desperation, she lets a Voodoo Queen raise her husband from the dead. Together they lead a zombie army against the vampires to try and save her students.
DEAD SOLDIERS
Horror genre by Leo Sopicki
Acadia runs a music school for poor kids in New Orleans and is happily married to her soldier husband. He is killed in combat. After the funeral, Acadia and her assistant, Bianca, return to find the inside of the music school vandalized, with threats written on the wall.
Mysterious and hurtful things continue to happen at the school and Acadia is ready to give up and sell out. She tells Bianca that if only Ben was there, he’d know what to do. Bianca reveals her voodoo past and offers to bring back Ben as a zombie. Acadia suspects Bianca is crazy and fires her.
Acadia contacts the police, who dismiss the incident as pointless vandalism, except for one detective who suspects something more. Fabien, the owner of the gentlemen’s club down the street from the school, wants Acadia’s property. He cajoles and threatens. Acadia’s students and their parents do not want her to leave. Out of desperation she contacts the clergy, but no one is of any help.
Out of desperation, she seeks out Bianca and agrees to Bianca’s plan. First Bianca brings back Ben and together they try and defeat the threat, but Ben discovers his zombie body is not as strong as his human body was and fails in an attempt to destroy the vampires.
Ben convinces Acadia and Bianca to bring back his military relatives going back to the revolutionary war. She does. After some convincing, they join Ben in an attack on Fabien.
Acadia and Ben’s attack fails because his relatives fight among themselves, and the attack falls apart.
Acadia and Ben reorganize their zombie army and prepare for one more attack. Their efforts are interrupted by increasingly evil attacks by Fabien, one by one destroying things Acadia thought she was fighting for.
Fabien sends a message to Acadia that he has all the children captive, and he will only release them if Acadia signs over her property and sets off a bomb during a Mardi Gras parade.
Acadia, Ben, and his Zombie relatives launch a rescue mission/attack on the vampires. They fight a night-long battle over the kids. In order to save them Acadia sets off an explosive, collapsing a roof, letting in the sunshine, roasting the vampires, but burying herself under the rubble and dying.
Ben mourns over Acadia at her wake. Bianca intervenes again to bring back Acadia, but the ceremony is interrupted by the one vampire that survived. Ben defeats him, but Acadia’s body burns, and she cannot be reanimated. Bianca release Ben from his zombified body.
At Acadia’s funeral, we see the children safe, and we see Ben and Acadia in spirit form as they reunite to the music of a ghostly jazz band whose members resemble past Jazz greats.
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NAME: Leo Sopicki
SCRIPTS: I’ve written 5 feature scripts and a bunch of short scripts. Several of the shorts have been produced and won awards at film fests. During the pandemic I wrote shorts for a YouTube channel.
THIS CLASS: It’s time to get those feature scripts sold, so I will be making them awesome over the next 10 weeks.
ABOUT ME: I like to <CENSORED> with <CENSORED> <CENSORED> and then <CENSORED> while singing A Horse With No Name.
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Leo Sopicki
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Leo’s Trust Relationships
What I learned is that this trust/distrust pattern was implied but I never explicitly thought about it.
The outline seems to be getting a little unwieldy, but it is good to have all these ideas in at least the approximately right spot. Also, I typed the word “quest” to describe Matt’s search for his father. Perhaps I should look at the Save the Cat Golden Fleece model before doing the final outline.
MAIN CHARACTERS/RELATIONSHIPS
Hero: Matt Strong – Needs to find,
reconnect with his fatherVillain: Hank – Wants revenge on
Matt’s father – Not TrustableRed Herring Character: Luke – Matt’s
Father – Trustable but appears notSidekick: Mike – Matt’s stand in and
buddy – TrustableMatt / Hank
Trust: New guy on set. Seems to be a
fan. No reason not to trust.
Distrust: Makes rude remark about
Matt
Trust: Says he’d like to help Matt,
but has obligations.
Trust: Tells Mike he understands
Matt’s predicament and offers to help.
Distrust: Tries to talk Mike out of
helping Matt.
Trust: Recruits people to help Matt
get to his father.
Distrust: Sets up Matt to fall into
a trap.
Distrust: Tries to kill both Matt
and Luke.Matt / Luke
Trust: Matt trusts his dad, Luke,
the soldier.
Distrust: Luke abandons Matt and his
mom.
Trust: Matt needs his dad and makes
a leap of faith to trust him.
Distrust: Matt realizes his recluse
dad might unintentionally kill him.
Trust: His dad realizes who Matt is
and asks his forgiveness.Matt / Mike
Trust: Mike has been a
stand-in/stunt man for Matt and they are friends
Distrust: Hank lies to Matt about
what Mike said.
Trust: Mike commits to helping Matt
find his dad
Distrust: Hank tricks Mike into
abandoning the quest.NEW OUTLINE
Mini-Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure – Matt is a movie star with a life threatening disease.
Matt / Luke – Trust: Matt trusts his dad, Luke, the soldier.
Matt / Luke – Distrust: Luke abandons Matt and his Mom
Current Direction: It appears to be an Indiana Jones style adventure
Twist: No! It’s only actors on a movie set
Matt / Hank – Trust: New guy on set. Seems to be a fan. No reason not to trust.
Life Threatening 1 — Matt has a life-threatening medical condition
Life Threatening 2 — Matt passes out in public
Villain’s Plan 1 — Pretend to not know anything about Matt’s background.
Matt / Mike – Trust: Mike has been a stand-in/stunt man for Matt and they are friends
Mini-Movie 2 – Locked into Conflict – Matt tries to locate his dad, Luke, but uncovers mysteries
Current Direction: Sweet old lady offers to help him
Twist: She turns on him when she realizes who he is
Current Direction: Creepy old guy tells him to go away
Twist: He comes back, armed, but willing to talk.
Matt / Luke – Trust: Matt needs his dad and makes a leap of faith to trust him.
Mystery 1: Where is Luke?
Life Threatening 3 — The floor of his old house has massive blood stain
Mini-Movie 3 – Hero Tries to Solve a Problem, but Fails – Matt looks for his dad, but fails and is attacked.
Mystery 2: Who is Hank?
Life Threatening 4 — Matt is being surveilled by a mysterious man
Life Threatening 5 — Someone shoots arrows at Matt’s car
Life Threatening 6 — Twitter threat – We know you’re looking for your dad. We’ll protect him, even if it means killing you.
Villain’s Plan 2 — Lie about his background and his injuries.
Villain’s Plan 3 — Create an incident that “makes him change his mind” and agree to help Matt.
Mini-Movie 4 – Hero Forms a New Plan – Matt accepts help from his stunt double Bill and military consultant Hank.
Current Direction: Matt is frustrated and without a plan
Twist: Stunt double Bill and Hank volunteer to help him.
Matt / Hank – Trust: Says he’d like to help Matt, but has obligations.
Matt / Hank – Trust: Tells Mike he understands Matt’s predicament and offers to help.
Matt / Mike – Distrust: Hank lies to Matt about what Mike said.
Current Direction: Matt is confused about his dad’s motivation
Twist: Hank tells him a lie which Matt believes
Mystery 3: Why no police?
Villain’s Plan 4 — Convince Matt not to involve the police in trying to find his dad.
Matt / Hank – Distrust: Tries to talk Mike out of helping Matt.
Matt / Mike – Trust: Mike commits to helping Matt find his dad
Mini-Movie 5 – Hero Retreats and the Antagonist Prevails – Matt tries to learn about his father in a mountain town near Luke’s camp.
Current Direction: Mountain town near dads camp seems safe
Twist: People are spying on him
Current Direction: Hank seems like a good person
Twist: He kills a townsperson in cold blood
Life Threatening 7 — Matt’s father has allies in the mountain town near his cabin – they are reporting on him
Matt / Luke – Distrust: Matt realizes his recluse dad might unintentionally kill him
Mystery 4: Why does Hank know so much?
Matt / Hank – Trust: Recruits people to help Matt get to his father.
Villain’s Plan 5 — Recruit people to infiltrate Luke’s survivalist group.
Villain’s Plan 6 — Kill the recruit and make it look like Luke did it.
Mini-Movie 6 – Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan! – Matt gets close to Luke’s camp, but loses Bill, and ends up in a trap.
Current Direction: Bill has been helping
Twist: Hank feeds Bill bogus info so he has to leave
Current Direction: Matt and Hank are closing in on Matt’s dad
Twist: Matt falls into a trap – a pit in the ground
Villain’s Plan 7 — Try to get rid of Bill, so Matt is totally dependent on him.
Mystery 5: What happened to Bill?
Life Threatening 8 — There are people patrolling the woods
Life Threatening 9 — They encounter a bear
Life Threatening 10 — Matt is caught in a trap
Mini-Movie 7 – Crisis and Climax – Hank rescues Matt and gives him instructions on how to get to Luke.
Matt / Mike – Distrust: Hank tricks Mike into abandoning the quest.
Villain’s Plan 8 — Train Matt to overcome the obstacles Luke has set up to protect his hermit camp.
Life Threatening 11 — Matt thinks he has killed his father
Life Threatening 12 — Matt considers suicide
Mini-Movie 8 – New Status Quo – By finally committing an act of real heroism, Matt is able to rescue his Dad and defeat Hank.
Matt / Hank – Distrust: Sets up Matt to fall into a trap.
Matt / Hank – Distrust: Tries to kill both Matt and Luke.
Current Direction: Matt is still reluctant to take risks
Twist: He jumps across a ravine to save his Dad from Hank
Current Direction: Matt’s Dad still doesn’t know who Matt is
Twist: He sees dog tags and realizes who Matt is.
Villain’s Plan 9 — Arrange the final meeting so he can first kill Matt in front of Luke, then kill Luke.
Life Threatening 13 — Matt must jump from one cliff to another
Life Threatening 14 — The antagonist has captured both Matt and his dad
Matt / Luke – Trust: His dad realizes who Matt is and asks his forgiveness.
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Leo’s Twists and Turns
What I learned is that each mini movie needs at least one twist. I had some, but I hadn’t identified them as such. I added new ones where they were missing. Also, these serve as good endings to acts.
Mini-Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure – Matt is a movie star with a life threatening disease.
Current Direction: It appears to be an Indiana Jones style adventure
Twist: No! It’s only actors on a movie set
Life Threatening 1 — Matt has a life-threatening medical condition
Life Threatening 2 — Matt passes out in public
Villain’s Plan 1 — Pretend to not know anything about Matt’s background.
Mini-Movie 2 – Locked into Conflict – Matt tries to locate his dad, Luke, but uncovers mysteries
Current Direction: Sweet old lady offers to help him
Twist: She turns on him when she realizes who he is
Current Direction: Creepy old guy tells him to go away
Twist: He comes back, armed, but willing to talk.
Mystery 1: Where is Luke?
Life Threatening 3 — The floor of his old house has massive blood stain
Mini-Movie 3 – Hero Tries to Solve a Problem, but Fails – Matt looks for his dad, but fails and is attacked.
Mystery 2: Who is Hank?
Life Threatening 4 — Matt is being surveilled by a mysterious man
Life Threatening 5 — Someone shoots arrows at Matt’s car
Life Threatening 6 — Twitter threat – We know you’re looking for your dad. We’ll protect him, even if it means killing you.
Villain’s Plan 2 — Lie about his background and his injuries.
Villain’s Plan 3 — Create an incident that “makes him change his mind” and agree to help Matt.
Mini-Movie 4 – Hero Forms a New Plan – Matt accepts help from his stunt double Bill and military consultant Hank.
Current Direction: Matt is frustrated and without a plan
Twist: Stunt double Bill and Hank volunteer to help him.
Current Direction: Matt is confused about his dad’s motivation
Twist: Hank tells him a lie which Matt believes
Mystery 3: Why no police?
Villain’s Plan 4 — Convince Matt not to involve the police in trying to find his dad.
Mini-Movie 5 – Hero Retreats and the Antagonist Prevails – Matt tries to learn about his father in a mountain town near Luke’s camp.
Current Direction: Mountain town near dads camp seems safe
Twist: People are spying on him
Current Direction: Hank seems like a good person
Twist: He kills a townsperson in cold blood
Life Threatening 7 — Matt’s father has allies in the mountain town near his cabin – they are reporting on him
Mystery 4: Why does Hank know so much?
Villain’s Plan 5 — Recruit people to infiltrate Luke’s survivalist group.
Villain’s Plan 6 — Kill the recruit and make it look like Luke did it.
Mini-Movie 6 – Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan! – Matt gets close to Luke’s camp, but loses Bill, and ends up in a trap.
Current Direction: Bill has been helping
Twist: Hank feeds Bill bogus info so he has to leave
Current Direction: Matt and Hank are closing in on Matt’s dad
Twist: Matt falls into a trap – a pit in the ground
Villain’s Plan 7 — Try to get rid of Bill, so Matt is totally dependent on him.
Mystery 5: What happened to Bill?
Life Threatening 8 — There are people patrolling the woods
Life Threatening 9 — They encounter a bear
Life Threatening 10 — Matt is caught in a trap
Mini-Movie 7 – Crisis and Climax – Hank rescues Matt and gives him instructions on how to get to Luke.
Villain’s Plan 8 — Train Matt to overcome the obstacles Luke has set up to protect his hermit camp.
Life Threatening 11 — Matt thinks he has killed his father
Life Threatening 12 — Matt considers suicide
Mini-Movie 8 – New Status Quo – By finally committing an act of real heroism, Matt is able to rescue his Dad and defeat Hank.
Current Direction: Matt is still reluctant to take risks
Twist: He jumps across a ravine to save his Dad from Hank
Current Direction: Matt’s Dad still doesn’t know who Matt is
Twist: He sees dog tags and realizes who Matt is.
Villain’s Plan 9 — Arrange the final meeting so he can first kill Matt in front of Luke, then kill Luke.
Life Threatening 13 — Matt must jump from one cliff to another
Life Threatening 14 — The antagonist has captured both Matt and his dad
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Leo’s Thriller Plot!
What I learned is that you need a little of each of the thriller elements in each part of the story structure.
Mini-Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure – Matt is a movie star with a life threatening disease.
Life Threatening 1 — Matt has a life-threatening medical condition
Life Threatening 2 — Matt passes out in public
Villain’s Plan 1 — Pretend to not know anything about Matt’s background.
Mini-Movie 2 – Locked into Conflict – Matt tries to locate his dad, Luke, but uncovers mysteries
Mystery 1: Where is Luke?
Life Threatening 3 — The floor of his old house has massive blood stain
Mini-Movie 3 – Hero Tries to Solve a Problem, but Fails – Matt looks for his dad, but fails and is attacked.
Mystery 2: Who is Hank?
Life Threatening 4 — Matt is being surveilled by a mysterious man
Life Threatening 5 — Someone shoots arrows at Matt’s car
Villain’s Plan 2 — Lie about his background and his injuries.
Villain’s Plan 3 — Create an incident that “makes him change his mind” and agree to help Matt.
Mini-Movie 4 – Hero Forms a New Plan – Matt accepts help from his stunt double Bill and military consultant Hank.
Life Threatening 6 — Twitter threat – We know you’re looking for your dad. We’ll protect him, even if it means killing you.
Mystery 3: Why no police?
Villain’s Plan 4 — Convince Matt not to involve the police in trying to find his dad.
Mini-Movie 5 – Hero Retreats and the Antagonist Prevails – Matt tries to learn about his father in a mountain town near Luke’s camp.
Life Threatening 7 — Matt’s father has allies in the mountain town near his cabin – they are reporting on him
Mystery 4: Why does Hank know so much?
Villain’s Plan 5 — Recruit people to infiltrate Luke’s survivalist group.
Villain’s Plan 6 — Kill the recruit and make it look like Luke did it.
Mini-Movie 6 – Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan! – Matt gets close to Luke’s camp, but loses Bill, and ends up in a trap.
Villain’s Plan 7 — Try to get rid of Bill, so Matt is totally dependent on him.
Mystery 5: What happened to Bill?
Life Threatening 8 — There are people patrolling the woods
Life Threatening 9 — They encounter a bear
Life Threatening 10 — Matt is caught in a trap
Mini-Movie 7 – Crisis and Climax – Hank rescues Matt and gives him instructions on how to get to Luke.
Villain’s Plan 8 — Train Matt to overcome the obstacles Luke has set up to protect his hermit camp.
Life Threatening 11 — Matt thinks he has killed his father
Life Threatening 12 — Matt considers suicide
Mini-Movie 8 – New Status Quo – By finally committing an act of real heroism, Matt is able to rescue his Dad and defeat Hank.
Villain’s Plan 9 — Arrange the final meeting so he can first kill Matt in front of Luke, then kill Luke.
Life Threatening 13 — Matt must jump from one cliff to another
Life Threatening 14 — The antagonist has captured both Matt and his
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Leo’s Life-Threatening Sequence
What I learned is I had a series of life-threatening situations planned, but not enough. I doubled the amount.
LIFE THREATENING SEQUENCE
Matt has a life-threatening medical condition
The floor of his old house has massive blood stain
Matt is being surveilled by a mysterious man
Twitter threat – We know you’re looking for your dad. We’ll protect him, even if it means killing you.
Matt’s father has allies in the mountain town near his cabin – they are reporting on him
Matt is caught in a trap
Someone shoots arrows at Matt’s car
There are people patrolling the woods
Matt passes out in a restaurant
They encounter a bear
Matt thinks he has killed his father
Matt considers suicide
Matt must jump from one cliff to another
The antagonist has captured both Matt and his father
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Leo’s Mystery Sequence
What I learned is that I don’t have a big enough mystery and excitement at the beginning. I will need to come up with that.
1 – What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?
He knows Matt’s father and wants to find him so he can kill him.
2 – How many ways can they cover that secret and 4 – Sequence:
Hank volunteers to help Matt – Mystery 1: Where is Luke?
Hide his relationship to Luke – Mystery 2: Who is Hank?
Hank blames Luke for his own crimes (Red Herring)
Hank doesn’t want any police blowing his cover – Mystery 3: Why no police?
Pretend he is a fan of Matt’s work – Mystery 4: Why does Hank know so much?
Hank thinks Bill know too much – Mystery 5: What happened to Bill?
3 – The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.
Mystery 1: Where is Luke? – Matt must find his dad, Luke, in order to save his own life.
5 – Create a Mystery Chain for each main mystery.
Mystery 1: Where is Luke?
— Lies about Luke breaking the law
— Lie about his background and his injuries.
Mystery 2: Who is Hank?
— Pretend to not know anything about Matt’s background.
— Create an incident that “makes him change his mind” and agree to help Matt.
Mystery 3: Why no police?
— Lies about wanting to protect Luke from unfair prosecution
— Convince Matt not to involve the police in trying to find his dad.
Mystery 4: Why does Hank know so much?
— Recruit people to infiltrate Luke’s survivalist group.
— Kill the recruit and make it look like Luke did it.
Mystery 5: What happened to Bill?
— Try to get rid of Bill, so Matt is totally dependent on him.
— Train Matt to overcome the obstacles Luke has set up to protect his hermit camp.
— Arrange the final meeting so he can first kill Matt in front of Luke, then kill Luke.
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Leo’s Villain Has a Great Plan
What I learned is that I was writing a thriller and didn’t realize it. This paragraph from the assignment is exactly what I was writing:
“The villain starts the movie many steps ahead of the Hero. Their plan is in effect from the very beginning without the Hero or audience knowing. They have spent much effort crafting this plan.”
1. What is the end goal?
Hank wants to take revenge on Luke, the Hero’s father. Hank and Luke were both Special Ops soldiers. Luke beat and crippled Hank decades ago when, open returning from deployment, Luke caught Hank messing with his wife.
2. How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?
Hank has been stalking Luke’s son, movie star Matt (our hero) for years, trying to locate Luke. Now that Matt has set out on a quest to locate his father, Hank volunteers to help him.
3. How can they cover it up?
Hank is a military consultant on the film Matt is currently acting in. He made friends with Matt’s stand-in, Bill. Bill introduces Matt to Hank. Hank feigns reluctance to get involved, but creates incidents that make Matt want to have him on his search team.
4. Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.
— Pretend to not know anything about Matt’s background.
— Lie about his background and his injuries.
— Create an incident that “makes him change his mind” and agree to help Matt.
— Convince Matt not to involve the police in trying to find his dad.
— Recruit people to infiltrate Luke’s survivalist group.
— Kill the recruit and make it look like Luke did it.
— Try to get rid of Bill, so Matt is totally dependent on him.
— Train Matt to overcome the obstacles Luke has set up to protect his hermit camp.
— Arrange the final meeting so he can first kill Matt in front of Luke, then kill Luke.
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Leo’s SOTL Stacking Suspense
Sympathetic Protagonist. Starling is the ultimate “unwitting but resourceful hero.” She is still a student, but is given the hardest case the FBI has.
The hero’s world should be full of threats, not just the main one.
Keep the villain mysterious and hidden.
Make other character’s motivations unclear in order to add to the intrigue.
Keep escalating the threat. In Staring’s case, from jerks hitting on her to a gun pointed at her head.
Make people think the action is going one direction and then surprise them with a reversal. I remember how shocked I was the first time I saw SOTL and realized the FBI were at the wrong house.
Give the hero secrets and wounds which can be used against him by the villain.
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Leo’s BI Stacking Suspense Part 1
I hadn’t seen “Basic Instinct” since it first came out. I had forgotten how gripping it was. The numbers below are the scenes during which I had these ideas.
1. Begin the mystery early — in the first scene if possible.
3. Point your hero in the wrong direction at first.
5. Introduce all your characters early to add to the mystery.
6. Create “Whoa!” moments, right at the end of scenes.
8. Have new information create multiple possibilities, increasing mystery and intrigue.
10. Create suspicions about your hero.
28. Make it look like something terrible is going to happen – Suspense!
42. Just when you think everything is OK, more suspense.
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Leo’s World and Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is that the character’s Mystery is a question, Intrigue involves backstory, and Suspense drives the action. < – – – Is that correct? Bueller, Bueller, anybody?
CONCEPT
Movie star Matt needs a kidney transplant to survive. His only potential donor is his father who has become a recluse, in a cabin on a mountain protected by traps, explosive devices, and his father’s hatred of all things living. Can Matt break through and save them both?
The Big M.I.S.
Big Mystery: What is Hank’s motivation to help Matt and why do things keep going wrong?
Big Intrigue: What is Hank’s secret and why does he know things about Matt that he shouldn’t?
Big Suspense: Will Matt succumb to his disease, be unintentionally killed by his recluse father, or be murdered as an act of revenge by Hank.
WORLD: The behind-the-scenes world of movie making and a hidden anarchist/mercenary camp in the California mountains.
HERO: Matt Strong
Mystery: Movie hero is far from heroic in his personal life. What happened to make him this way?
Intrigue: He tries to reconnect with his father, but for extremely selfish reasons.
Suspense: Will he make it though to his father, while avoiding being killed or accidentally killing his father?
RED HERRING: Luke
Mystery: Why has Matt’s father, a recluse, hiding in the mountains, rejected the world?
Intrigue: Luke has honed his guerilla and boobytrap skills for an unknown reason.
Suspense: Will he kill the man coming up the mountain whom he doesn’t realize is his son?
VILLAIN: Hank
Mystery: What is his reason for helping Matt try to find Luke?
Intrigue: He knows things about Matt and Luke that a stranger should not know.
Suspense: Will he get his revenge on Luke, maybe killing Matt along the way?
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Leo’s Big M.I.S.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to make the villain’s motivations stronger.
LOGLINE
Movie star Matt needs a kidney transplant to survive. His only potential donor is his father who has become a recluse, in a cabin on a mountain protected by traps, explosive devices, and his father’s hatred of all things living. Can Matt break through and save them both?
1. What are the conventions of your story?
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Matt has faced every kind of threat and monster you could think of on screen. He now must put those talents to use to get to his father, Luke, who abandoned him when he was a child.
Dangerous Villain: Matt accepts an offer of help from Hank, a military consultant on set, to help find his father. Hank’s real motivation is to get to Matt’s father and kill him. He is seeking revenge against Luke because when Luke returned from combat, he found Hank cheating with Matt’s mother. Luke beat Hank and disfigured him. He has wanted revenge for 30 years.
High stakes: Matt must get through to his father to save his life, without being killed by his father or Hank.
Life and death situations: Matt, Hank and a sidekick Bill must get through the maze of traps and attacks from Luke. Matt and Bill are also threated by Hank, but they don’t know it.
This story is thrilling because: The closer they get to Matt’s father, the more violent his efforts get to stop them, and the more determined Hank becomes to kill Matt in front of his father.
2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?
Big Mystery: What is Hank’s motivation to help Matt and why do things keep going wrong?
Big Intrigue: What is Hank’s secret and why does he know things about Matt that he shouldn’t?
Big Suspense: Will Matt succumb to his disease, be unintentionally killed by his recluse father, or be executed as an act of revenge by Hank.
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The Saint (2017 TV Movie) Thriller Conventions
What I learned doing this assignment: Mysterious relationships and clues being dropped here and there can draw a viewer into the story. The story I have in mind has similar elements, but I have not yet created the mystery or the clues.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Simon Templar, good at what he does, but facing hidden threats. He thinks he is working on one thing, but the events surrounding him involve a much bigger, personal story.
Dangerous Villain: The Fixer steals money from third world countries through hacking bank computers. He is deeply connected to Templar’s youth, but Simon does not know this.
High stakes: An innocent girl has been kidnapped.
Life and death situations: Battles every few minutes. A nuclear bomb. Helicopter minigun firing into hotel. Bank vault protected with explosives.
This movie is thrilling because? Although we don’t worry about Templar, he is The Saint after all, we don’t know if the people around him, or the people he is trying to save, or the law enforcement he interacts with, will survive.
Big Mystery: Who is the villain and what is his relationship to Simon Templar.
Big Intrigue: A Ring, identified as important to some family, appears early on and keeps reappearing at crucial moments in the story. Why?
Big Suspense: Ticking clock: “You’ve got 48 hours”. The innocent girl will be killed if money is not transferred.
What makes it a great thriller? You don’t understand certain things that you are seeing, but it is obvious that they are clues to some mystery. Unexpected connections appear that make it more mysterious as it progresses.
Fun note: This was supposed to be a pilot for a reboot of The Saint TV series. It did not get picked up. Roger Moore appear in it for about 30 seconds towards the end.
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Hello Creative People.
I am Leo Sopicki (last name pronounced like “rather choosy”).
I have completed four feature length scripts, written and produced four shorts, and currently am writing skits for the Mad Circus Comedy YouTube channel ( https://www.youtube.com/MadCircusComedy ).
I’ve never written a thriller before. When I began the idea I will work with in this course, I thought it was an action script. When I read Hal’s descriptions of the genres, I realized there was one critical element that made it more of a thriller. So, here I am.
Something about me? I’ve always been telling stories. But the stories faded away over time. That’s why I want to tell a story for a feature film which will still be here long after I am gone.
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Leo Sopicki
I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Leo’s Conventions!
What I learned from doing this assignment is that the genre is more complex than I thought.
Concept: A movie star needs a kidney transplant and discovers his only hope is his hermit father and must fight his way up a mountain to break through to him or they both are doomed.
Conventions
Hero: World famous action movie star with kidney failure.
Demand For Action: Get his father to give him a kidney transplant or die.
Mission: Break into recluse, survivalist father’s mountain stronghold.
Antagonist: Old enemy of his father who subverts his mission.
Escalating Action: Must fight both his father and his father’s old enemy.
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Leo Sopicki
I agree to the terms of this release form.
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Leo Sopicki’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment was the importance of a journey for the villain. I took an outline for the hero’s journey and put my antagonist into like he was the hero. This gave me a couple of ideas on how to flesh out Act 2.
I’ve put the Villain’s Journey first, and then the Beat Sheet with the theme in bold next.
The Antagonist’s Journey – Francis
Ordinary World
Francis run’s his used car dealership and is resentful of Nunu, his step-mother
Call to Adventure
He wants the fortune his father left to Nunu instead of him.
Refusal of the Call
He is bitter and take it out on his employee, Mongo.
Meeting with the Mentor
His sister, Precious, gives him an idea about how he can get his “rightful inheritance” back.
Crossing the first Threshold
He contacts Nunu.
Tests, Allies, Enemies
Francis tries to recruit Martin. Martin falls for it initially, but sees through him. He tries to regain the trust of Rolf, the butler. But Rolf remembers the things Francis did growing up.
Approach to the Inmost Cave
Francis plans a birthday party for Nunu, where he will fake her accidental death.
Ordeal
Francis accidentally eats the LSD cocktail he prepared for Nunu, and goes crazy, trying to kill everyone.
Reward (seizing the sword)
Francis traps everyone in the house.
The Road Back
Martin saves everyone else, but Francis captures him.
Resurrection
Francis is about to kill Martin when Nunu and his father’s ghost appear and make his plan go awry.
Return with the Elixir
Francis is carried away by police.
Beat Sheet with Theme Moments in Bold
ACT 1
INT. CASTLE – NIGHT
MARTIN HELFER (20), in peasant garb, stands on the steps of an ornate stairway flanked by banisters topped by life size wooden carvings of a cowboy on one side and a horse on the other, both smoking cigarettes. He battles werewolves and deamons trying to save his mom. He’s dreaming and a banging in the real world wakes him up.
THEME – In dream sequence he is trying to save his mother
INT. TOP OF A STAIRWAY – DAY
BILLY HELFER, thirty-something, Martin’s brother, bangs on the door to wake him up. Tells him his employer called and he needs to go into work early.
EXT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
On the inside, DAVID HELFER (70), Billy and Martin’s dad, turns over an “open/closed” sign on the door of the rough-at-the-edges old store to “OPEN”. The large sign overhead reads “Mighty Wheels – We Capable You”.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – CONTINUOUS
David tells Martin that his employer, NUNU MIDER, has some kind of special event happening she needs help with. Billy tries to tell his Dad what he saw Martin and his girlfriend PEACHES doing, but DAVID doesn’t want to hear about it.
THEME – Billy wants too work at Nunu’s house, but David reminds him that Martin’s job with Nunu is only temporary because the shop is a family business and families have to stick together.
INT. MIDER MANOR – DIMLY LIT
Inciting Incident – Martin helps Nunu discover a magical amulet, which belonged to Nunu’s mother, that her deceased husband, Brock, had hidden from her, releasing supernatural forces into the house.
Nunu tells Martin that Peaches, the maid and secretly Martin’s crush, said the kitchen ceiling fan wasn’t working.
INT. – KITCHEN – DAY
Martin is checking a ceiling fan, when PEACHES PARKER (20), dressed in a traditional maid’s outfit enters. She tells him she has discovered a secret room and invites him to check it out.
INT. SECRET ROOM – LATER
Martin and Peaches end up in an argument about him looking for his mom and she goes away mad.
INT. MIDER MOTORS SHOWROOM – DAY
FRANCIS MIDER reveals to his henchman MONGO, that he intends to separate Nunu from her money.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
While David, Billy and Martin work in the shop, Martin discovers a photograph that for the first time makes him doubt what his father has told him about his mom.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
THEME: Family rapprochement
Peaches tells Martin that Nunu’s stepkids, Francis and Precious, are coming to celebrate Nunu’s 55th birthday, and have a family rapprochement.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Nunu sits in her wheel chair looking through a photo album as the octogenarian German butler ROLF enters with a tray of snacks. Nunu speculates about the fate of the baby she had with Brock. What if it didn’t die. Rolf says he has no idea, but in his mind flashes back to the night the baby was born.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
Martin and Billy turn on the TV to see if they have won the chance to meet the “Star of Your Dreams” Contest. David says this contest is probably fixed. Billy reminds him:
THEME:
BILLY
You’ve always said “Family, family, that’s what it’s all about.”
They see that they won. They are going to Hollywood to be on TV. When David sees what has happened, he is concerned and confused.
EXT. MIDER MOTORS – DAY
Francis and Precious think of a way to get rid of Nunu.
INT. – KITCHEN – DAY
Martin tells Peaches about winning the contest. They have a spat about him leaving everyone at the manor who needs him.
THEME: Peaches tells Martin that the people he works with are family, too.
EXT. MIDER MANOR – LATER
As Martin leaves the manor, he and Rolf encounter Francis and Precious, and their henchmen. Francis tells Rolf to take the week off.
INT. BALLROOM – DAY
Martin tells Nunu that he’ll be gone for a few days to meet his Mom. He gives her a present of a super remote control which controls all kinds of things around the house, like doors and windows. Francis and Precious arrive and pretend to be happy to see Nunu.
INT. MARTIN’S ROOM – NIGHT
Martin packs his suitcase. David convinces him to take Billy with him.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF LAX TERMINAL – DAY
Martin and Billy emerge from terminal carrying their luggage.
TE 1 – Martin meets the lady he thought was his mom. He is rejected, discovering that she was his brother Billy’s mom, but not his.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – DAY
Martin and Billy meet the star. She remembers Billy, whom she hates for being a retard, but says she has no idea who Martin is because she aborted her second pregnancy. Disaster.
TE 2 – Confronts stepdad about lies and decides to move out. He leaves his stepfather and stepbrother.
EXT. OUTSIDE WHEELCHAIR SHOP – NIGHT
Martin and Billy return home. Martin confronts David over the lie.
THEME: Martin rejects his family and things get worse for him.
ACT 2
INT. SHED – MORNING
Martin has slept in a shed on Mider Manor grounds.
EXT. MIDER MANOR GROUNDS – DAY
Mongo and Martin work on a series of projects in and around the manor. They become friends.
INT. BALLROOM – NIGHT
Chandelier, lowers and rises.
INT. ATTIC – CONTINUOUS
Martin is working on wiring. Here’s a strange voice.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Rolf tries to warn Martin and Peaches that the house is haunted, but he is stopped by ghost.
EXT. MIDER MANOR – NIGHT
Rolf is on a ledge, by the roof, terrified.
EXT. GAZEBO ON MIDER MANOR GROUNDS – DAY
Francis and Precious trick Nunu into signing a will which with them as beneficiaries by telling her they want to build a Cancer clinic.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
Nunu tells Peaches and Martin about the clinic. They express concern.
Nunu tries to lower the chandelier and it almost kills her.
INT. WIRING ROOM – NIGHT
Martin checks wiring. Almost gets killed. Confronts ghost of Brock.
TE 3 — Peaches blames him for the chandalier that almost kills Nunu.
Martin tries to discover the secrets of the house.
TE 4 – Hounded by Francis’ henchmen.
Midpoint Turning Point —
THEME: Francis invokes “family” to have a birthday party for Nunu.
A birthday party for Nunu turns into an attempt by Francis to kill her. Martin, Nunu, and Peaches are trapped inside the main house of the estate as Francis goes mad and tries to kill them all.
ACT 3:
Rethink everything – Accepts Peaches friendship and vows to save her and Nunu.
TE 5. — Sees what can only be explained as a supernatural event.
Tries to get message to his stepfather and stepbrother.
TE 6 — Trapped by Francis and must come up with a plan.
New plan – Trick Francis into thinking his deceased father, Brock, has returned from the dead and has a message for him, so he will give up the fight.
Huge failure / Major shift – Because of Nunu’s magical amulet, Brock’s ghost really does return, bringing spirits with him. Now Martin must fight Francis and ghosts.
ACT 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Martin’s relationship to Nunu, Francis and Brock is revealed.
THEME: Martin realizes his family is much bigger than he thought.
Martin risks his life to save everyone else.
TE 7 — Confronts Francis face-to-face
Resolution. Martin and Peaches get married in the restored estate.
THEME: Martin’s real family and his adoptive family are united as one.
INT. BALLROOM – DAY
Martin and Peaches stand before a priest on the stairs. Nunu is the maid of honor and Billy is the best man. The statues of the horse and steel worker are no longer smoking.
Martin and Peaches kiss, then turn to face the crowd at the base of the stairs. Everyone cheers.
Billy points and laughs. A monkey is atop the statue of the steel worker who has the now wooden Precious over his knee, and the monkey is slapping Precious on the behind.
The monkey holds up his wrist to display Mongo’s Rolex.
Everyone laughs.
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Leo Sopicki’s High Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned is that this is a useful technique to get through the second act (“…where spec scripts go to die”). I still need more work on this one, but I am convinced of the value of the process. I am going to use the high-speed writing rules going forward.
ACT 1
INT. CASTLE – NIGHT
MARTIN HELFER (20), in peasant garb, stands on the steps of an ornate stairway flanked by banisters topped by life size wooden carvings of a cowboy on one side and a horse on the other, both smoking cigarettes. He battles werewolves and deamons trying to save his mom. He’s dreaming and a banging in the real world wakes him up.
INT. TOP OF A STAIRWAY – DAY
BILLY HELFER, thirty-something, Martin’s brother, bangs on the door to wake him up. Tells him his employer called and he needs to go into work early.
EXT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
On the inside, DAVID HELFER (70), Billy and Martin’s dad, turns over an “open/closed” sign on the door of the rough-at-the-edges old store to “OPEN”. The large sign overhead reads “Mighty Wheels – We Capable You”.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – CONTINUOUS
David tells Martin that his employer, NUNU MIDER, has some kind of special event happening she needs help with. Billy tries to tell his Dad what he saw Martin and his girlfriend PEACHES doing, but DAVID doesn’t want to hear about it.
INT. MIDER MANOR – DIMLY LIT
Inciting Incident – Martin helps Nunu discover a magical amulet, which belonged to Nunu’s mother, that her deceased husband, Brock, had hidden from her, releasing supernatural forces into the house.
Nunu tells Martin that Peaches, the maid and secretly Martin’s crush, said the kitchen ceiling fan wasn’t working.
INT. – KITCHEN – DAY
Martin is checking a ceiling fan, when PEACHES PARKER (20), dressed in a traditional maid’s outfit enters. She tells him she has discovered a secret room and invites him to check it out.
INT. SECRET ROOM – LATER
Martin and Peaches end up in an argument about him looking for his mom and she goes away mad.
INT. MIDER MOTORS SHOWROOM – DAY
FRANCIS MIDER reveals to his henchman MONGO, that he intends to separate Nunu from her money.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
While David, Billy and Martin work in the shop, Martin discovers a photograph that for the first time makes him doubt what his father has told him about his mom.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Peaches tells Martin that Nunu’s stepkids, Francis and Precious, are coming to celebrate Nunu’s 55th birthday, and have a family rapprochement.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Nunu sits in her wheel chair looking through a photo album as the octogenarian German butler ROLF enters with a tray of snacks. Nunu speculates about the fate of the baby she had with Brock. What if it didn’t die. Rolf says he has no idea, but in his mind flashes back to the night the baby was born.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
Martin and Billy turn on the TV and discover they have won a contest to meet the “Star of Your Dreams”. They are going to Hollywood to be on TV. When David sees what has happened, he is concerned and confused.
EXT. MIDER MOTORS – DAY
Francis and Precious think of a way to get rid of Nunu.
INT. – KITCHEN – DAY
Martin tells Peaches about winning the contest. They have a spat about him leaving everyone at the manor who needs him.
EXT. MIDER MANOR – LATER
As Martin leaves the manor, he and Rolf encounter Francis and Precious, and their henchmen. Francis tells Rolf to take the week off.
INT. BALLROOM – DAY
Martin tells Nunu that he’ll be gone for a few days to meet his Mom. He gives her a present of a super remote control which controls all kinds of things around the house, like doors and windows. Francis and Precious arrive and pretend to be happy to see Nunu.
INT. MARTIN’S ROOM – NIGHT
Martin packs his suitcase. David convinces him to take Billy with him.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF LAX TERMINAL – DAY
Martin and Billy emerge from terminal carrying their luggage.
TE 1 – Martin meets the lady he thought was his mom. He is rejected, discovering that she was his brother Billy’s mom, but not his.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – DAY
Martin and Billy meet the star. She remembers Billy, whom she hates for being a retard, but says she has no idea who Martin is because she aborted her second pregnancy. Disaster.
TE 2 – Confronts stepdad about lies and decides to move out. He leaves his stepfather and stepbrother.
EXT. OUTSIDE WHEELCHAIR SHOP – NIGHT
Martin and Billy return home. Martin confronts David over the lie.
ACT 2
INT. SHED – MORNING
Martin has slept in a shed on Mider Manor grounds.
EXT. MIDER MANOR GROUNDS – DAY
Mongo and Martin work on a series of projects in and around the manor. They become friends.
INT. BALLROOM – NIGHT
Chandelier, lowers and rises.
INT. ATTIC – CONTINUOUS
Martin is working on wiring. Here’s a strange voice.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Rolf tries to warn Martin and Peaches that the house is haunted, but he is stopped by ghost.
EXT. MIDER MANOR – NIGHT
Rolf is on a ledge, by the roof, terrified.
EXT. GAZEBO ON MIDER MANOR GROUNDS – DAY
Francis and Precious trick Nunu into signing a will which with them as beneficiaries by telling her they want to build a Cancer clinic.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
Nunu tells Peaches and Martin about the clinic. They express concern.
Nunu tries to lower the chandelier and it almost kills her.
INT. WIRING ROOM – NIGHT
Martin checks wiring. Almost gets killed. Confronts ghost of Brock.
TE 3 — Peaches blames him for the chandalier that almost kills Nunu.
Martin tries to discover the secrets of the house.
TE 4 – Hounded by Francis’ henchmen.
Midpoint Turning Point — A birthday party for Nunu turns into an attempt by Francis to kill her. Martin, Nunu, and Peaches are trapped inside the main house of the estate as Francis goes mad and tries to kill them all.
ACT 3:
Rethink everything – Accepts Peaches friendship and vows to save her and Nunu.
TE 5. — Sees what can only be explained as a supernatural event.
Tries to get message to his stepfather and stepbrother.
TE 6 — Trapped by Francis and must come up with a plan.
New plan – Trick Francis into thinking his deceased father, Brock, has returned from the dead and has a message for him, so he will give up the fight.
Huge failure / Major shift – Because of Nunu’s magical amulet, Brock’s ghost really does return, bringing spirits with him. Now Martin must fight Francis and ghosts.
ACT 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Martin’s relationship to Nunu, Francis and Brock is revealed.
Martin risks his life to save everyone else.
TE 7 — Confronts Francis face-to-face
Resolution. Martin and Peaches get married in the restored estate. His real family and his adoptive family are united as one.
INT. BALLROOM – DAY
Martin and Peaches stand before a priest on the stairs. Nunu is the maid of honor and Billy is the best man. The statues of the horse and steel worker are no longer smoking.
Martin and Peaches kiss, then turn to face the crowd at the base of the stairs. Everyone cheers.
Billy points and laughs. A monkey is atop the statue of the steel worker who has the now wooden Precious over his knee, and the monkey is slapping Precious on the behind.
The monkey holds up his wrist to display Mongo’s Rolex.
Everyone laughs.
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Leo’s High Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned is how to construct an outline which is practical and helpful. Outlines I had done before were to vague.
Act 1:
Opening
ACTION HOOK – In dream world MARTIN battles werewolves and monsters to save his MOM
In real world his brother wakes him up to tell him he needs to go into work for something special
Martin obsesses about his missing Mom and why he was abandoned
AT WORK
Inciting Incident – Martin helps Nunu discover a magical amulet that her deceased husband, Brock, had hidden from her, releasing supernatural forces into the house.
TE 1 – Martin meets the lady he thought was his mom. He is rejected, discovering that she was his brother Billy’s mom, but not his.
TE 2 – Confronts stepdad about lies and decides to move out. He leaves his stepfather and stepbrother.
Act 2:
New plan – Martin moves into room in garage of his employers estate.
Plan in action – Jokes begin to fall flat, especially with the maid, Peaches, upon whom he has a crush. Tries to help everyone, but begins to suspect that Francis is up to no good when an accident happens that could have killed Nunu.
TE 3 — Peaches blames him for an accident that almost kills Nunu.
Martin tries to discover the secrets of the house.
TE 4 – Hounded by Francis’ henchmen.
Midpoint Turning Point – A birthday party for Nunu turns into an attempt by Francis to kill her. Martin, Nunu, and Peaches are trapped inside the main house of the estate as Francis goes mad and tries to kill them all.
Act 3:
Rethink everything – Accepts Peaches friendship and vows to save her and Nunu.
TE 5. — Sees what can only be explained as a supernatural event.
Tries to get message to his stepfather and stepbrother.
TE 6 — Trapped by Francis and must come up with a plan Trapped by Francis and must come up with a plan
New plan – Trick Francis into thinking his deceased father, Brock, has returned from the dead and has a message for him, so he will give up the fight.
Huge failure / Major shift – Because of Nunu’s magical amulet, Brock’s ghost really does return, bringing spirits with him. Now Martin must fight Francis and ghosts.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Martin’s relationship to Nunu, Francis and Brock is revealed.
Martin risks his life to save everyone else.
TE 7 — Confronts Francis face-to-face
Resolution. Martin and Peaches get married in the restored estate. His real family and his adoptive family are united as one.
INT. CASTLE – NIGHT
MARTIN HELFER (20), in peasant garb, stands on the steps of an ornate stairway flanked by banisters topped by life size wooden carvings of a cowboy on one side and a horse on the other, both smoking cigarettes. He battles werewolves and deamons trying to save his mom. He’s dreaming and a banging in the real world wakes him up.
INT. TOP OF A STAIRWAY – DAY
BILLY HELFER, thirty-something, Martin’s brother, bangs on the door to wake him up. Tells him his employer called and he needs to go into work early.
EXT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
On the inside, DAVID HELFER (70), Billy and Martin’s dad, turns over an “open/closed” sign on the door of the rough-at-the-edges old store to “OPEN”. The large sign overhead reads “Mighty Wheels – We Capable You”.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – CONTINUOUS
David tells Martin that his employer, NUNU MIDER, has some kind of special event happening she needs help with. Billy tries to tell his Dad what he saw Martin and his girlfriend PEACHES doing, but DAVID doesn’t want to hear about it.
INT. MIDER MANOR – DIMLY LIT
Inciting Incident – Martin helps Nunu discover a magical amulet, which belonged to Nunu’s mother, that her deceased husband, Brock, had hidden from her, releasing supernatural forces into the house.
Nunu tells Martin that Peaches, the maid and secretly Martin’s crush, said the kitchen ceiling fan wasn’t working.
INT. – KITCHEN – DAY
Martin is checking a ceiling fan, when PEACHES PARKER (20), dressed in a traditional maid’s outfit enters. She tells him she has discovered a secret room and invites him to check it out.
INT. SECRET ROOM – LATER
Martin and Peaches end up in an argument about him looking for his mom and she goes away mad.
INT. MIDER MOTORS SHOWROOM – DAY
FRANCIS MIDER reveals to his henchman MONGO, that he intends to separate Nunu from her money.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
While David, Billy and Martin work in the shop, Martin discovers a photograph that for the first time makes him doubt what his father has told him about his mom.
INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Peaches tells Martin that Nunu’s stepkids, Francis and Precious, are coming to celebrate Nunu’s 55th birthday, and have a family rapprochement.
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
Nunu sits in her wheel chair looking through a photo album as the octogenarian German butler ROLF enters with a tray of snacks. Nunu speculates about the fate of the baby she had with Brock. What if it didn’t die. Rolf says he has no idea, but in his mind flashes back to the night the baby was born.
INT. WHEELCHAIR SHOP – DAY
Martin and Billy turn on the TV and discover they have won a contest to meet the “Star of Your Dreams”. They are going to Hollywood to be on TV. When David sees what has happened, he is concerned and confused.
EXT. MIDER MOTORS – DAY
Francis and Precious think of a way to get rid of Nunu.
INT. – KITCHEN – DAY
Martin tells Peaches about winning the contest. They have a spat about him leaving everyone at the manor who needs him.
EXT. MIDER MANOR – LATER
As Martin leaves the manor, he and Rolf encounter Francis and Precious, and their henchmen. Francis tells Rolf to take the week off.
INT. BALLROOM – DAY
Martin tells Nunu that he’ll be gone for a few days to meet his Mom. He gives her a present of a super remote control which controls all kinds of things around the house, like doors and windows. Francis and Precious arrive and pretend to be happy to see Nunu.
INT. MARTIN’S ROOM – NIGHT
Martin packs his suitcase. David convinces him to take Billy with him.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF LAX TERMINAL – DAY
Martin and Billy emerge from terminal carrying their luggage.
TE 1 – Martin meets the lady he thought was his mom. He is rejected, discovering that she was his brother Billy’s mom, but not his.
INT. TELEVISION STUDIO – DAY
Martin and Billy meet the star. She remembers Billy, whom she hates for being a retard, but says she has no idea who Martin is because she aborted her second pregnancy. Disaster.
TE 2 – Confronts stepdad about lies and decides to move out. He leaves his stepfather and stepbrother.
EXT. OUTSIDE WHEELCHAIR SHOP – NIGHT
Martin and Billy return home. Martin confronts David over the lie.
Act 2
INT. SHED – MORNING
Martin has slept in a shed on Mider Manor grounds.
EXT. MIDER MANOR GROUNDS – DAY
Mongo and Martin work on a series of projects in and around the manor. They become friends.
INT. BALLROOM – NIGHT
Chandelier, lowers and rises.
INT. ATTIC – CONTINUOUS
Martin is working on wiring. Here’s a strange voice.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Rolf tries to warn Martin and Peaches that the house is haunted, but he is stopped by ghost.
EXT. MIDER MANOR – NIGHT
Rolf is on a ledge, by the roof, terrified.
EXT. GAZEBO ON MIDER MANOR GROUNDS – DAY
Francis and Precious trick Nunu into signing a will which with them as beneficiaries by telling her they want to build a Cancer clinic.
INT. DINING ROOM – DAY
Nunu tells Peaches and Martin about the clinic. They express concern.
Nunu tries to lower the chandelier and it almost kills her.
INT. WIRING ROOM – NIGHT
Martin checks wiring. Almost gets killed. Confronts ghost of Brock.
TE 3 — Peaches blames him for the chandalier that almost kills Nunu.
Martin tries to discover the secrets of the house.
TE 4 – Hounded by Francis’ henchmen.
Midpoint Turning Point — A birthday party for Nunu turns into an attempt by Francis to kill her. Martin, Nunu, and Peaches are trapped inside the main house of the estate as Francis goes mad and tries to kill them all.
Act 3:
Rethink everything – Accepts Peaches friendship and vows to save her and Nunu.
TE 5. — Sees what can only be explained as a supernatural event.
Tries to get message to his stepfather and stepbrother.
TE 6 — Trapped by Francis and must come up with a plan Trapped by Francis and must come up with a plan
New plan – Trick Francis into thinking his deceased father, Brock, has returned from the dead and has a message for him, so he will give up the fight.
Huge failure / Major shift – Because of Nunu’s magical amulet, Brock’s ghost really does return, bringing spirits with him. Now Martin must fight Francis and ghosts.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Martin’s relationship to Nunu, Francis and Brock is revealed.
Martin risks his life to save everyone else.
TE 7 — Confronts Francis face-to-face
Resolution. Martin and Peaches get married in the restored estate. His real family and his adoptive family are united as one.
INT. BALLROOM – DAY
Martin and Peaches stand before a priest on the stairs. Nunu is the maid of honor and Billy is the best man. The statues of the horse and steel worker are no longer smoking.
Martin and Peaches kiss, then turn to face the crowd at the base of the stairs. Everyone cheers.
Billy points and laughs. A monkey is atop the statue of the steel worker who has the now wooden Precious over his knee, and the monkey is slapping Precious on the behind.
The monkey holds up his wrist to display Mongo’s Rolex.
Everyone laughs.
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Leo’s Transformational Events
What I learned doing this assignment is to define the transformational events. I had never done that before.
CONCEPT AND CHARACTER ARC
Martin, a young man who believes his movie star mother abandoned him, attempts to find her, only to discover that he was adopted and that he has a brother who is trying to kill his real mother. Martin, his newly discovered relatives, his girlfriend, and his adopted family are trapped in a creepy old house and Martin must figure out who to save before they are all killed by his chainsaw wielding brother.
· Internal Journey: From not taking anything seriously, to realizing the importance of family and commitment.
· External Journey: From the handyman that no one respects, to the savior of a family he didn’t know he had.
Martin’s Old Ways
Jokes about everything
Won’t make a commitment
Believes a lie about his familyMartin’s New Ways
Fights for his friends
Declares his love for his girlfriend
Learns the true meaning of familyChanges that need to happen – sequenced easy to hard
Find out that the lady in the picture is not his real mother
Take responsibility for himself
Reach out to his girlfriend before he loses her
Needs to stand up to threatening people
Make a spiritual leap
Forgive his stepdad for lying to him
Take the leadership of the “family”
Be willing to risk everything for those that he values
Transformational Events
Gets rejected when confronting the lady he thought was his mother
Confronts stepdad about lies and decides to move out
Peaches blames him for an accident that almost kills Nunu
Sees what can only be explained as a supernatural event
Hounded by Francis’ henchmen
Confronts Francis face-to-face
Trapped by Francis and must come up with a plan
Revised Outline
Act 1:
· Opening – Martin obsesses about his missing Mom and why he was abandoned.
· Inciting Incident – Martin helps Nunu discover a magical amulet that her deceased husband, Brock, had hidden from her, releasing supernatural forces into the house.
· Turning Point – Martin meets the lady he thought was his mom. He is rejected, discovering that she was his brother Billy’s mom, but not his. Confronts stepdad about lies and decides to move out. He leaves his stepfather and stepbrother.
Act 2:
· New plan – Martin moves into room in garage of his employers estate.
· Plan in action – Jokes begin to fall flat, especially with the maid, Peaches, upon whom he has a crush. Tries to help everyone, but begins to suspect that Francis is up to no good. Peaches blames him for an accident that almost kills Nunu. Hounded by Francis’ henchmen.
· Midpoint Turning Point – A birthday party for Nunu turns into an attempt by Francis to kill her. Martin, Nunu, and Peaches are trapped inside the main house of the estate as Francis goes mad and tries to kill them all.
Act 3:
· Rethink everything – Accepts Peaches friendship and vows to save her and Nunu. Tries to get message to his stepfather and stepbrother. Sees what can only be explained as a supernatural event. Trapped by Francis and must come up with a plan
· New plan – Trick Francis into thinking his deceased father, Brock, has returned from the dead and has a message for him, so he will give up the fight.
· Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Because of Nunu’s magical amulet, Brock’s ghost really does return, bringing spirits with him. Now Martin must fight Francis and ghosts.
Act 4:
· Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Martin’s relationship to Nunu, Francis and Brock is revealed. Martin risks his life to save everyone else. He faces Francis directly, and hands him over to the police.
· Resolution. Martin and Peaches get married in the restored estate. His real family and his adoptive family are united as one.
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Leo’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is that this story which I had been struggling with for a long time was missing what was identified in the lesson as Act 3. I was going directly from two to four. The lesson was helpful in solving this problem.
Mama Says
Concept – Two brothers reconnect with their mom. One to
meet her, the other to kill her.
Main Conflict – Martin seeks to protect his employer, Nunu,
who unbeknownst to him is his real mom, from exploitation and ultimately murder,
by Francis, a half-brother he didn’t know he had.
Old WaysJokes about everything
Won’t make a commitment
Believes a lie about his familyNew Ways
Fights for his friends
Declares his love for his girlfriend
Learns the true meaning of familyAct 1:
Opening – Martin obsesses about his missing Mom and why
he was abandoned.
Inciting Incident – Martin helps Nunu discover a
magical amulet that her deceased husband, Brock, had hidden from her,
releasing supernatural forces into the house.
Turning Point – Martin meets the lady he thought was his
mom, only to discover that she was his brother Billy’s mom, but not his.
He leaves his stepfather and stepbrother.Act 2:
New plan – Martin moves into room in garage of his
employers estate.
Plan in action – Jokes begin to fall flat, especially
with the maid, Peaches, upon whom he has a crush. Tries to help everyone,
but begins to suspect that Francis is up to no good.
Midpoint Turning Point – A birthday party for Nunu turns
into an attempt by Francis to kill her. Martin, Nunu, and Peaches are trapped
inside the main house of the estate as Francis goes mad and tries to kill
them all.Act 3:
Rethink everything – Accepts Peaches friendship and
vows to save her and Nunu. Tries to get message to his stepfather and stepbrother.New plan – Trick Francis into thinking his deceased father,
Brock, has returned from the dead and has a message for him, so he will
give up the fight.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Because of
Nunu’s magical amulet, Brock’s ghost really does return, bringing spirits
with him. Now Martin must fight Francis and ghosts.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Martin’s
relationship to Nunu, Francis and Brock is revealed. Martin risks his life
to save everyone else. He faces Francis directly, and hands him over to
the police.
Resolution. Martin and Peaches get married in the
restored estate. His real family and his adoptive family are united as
one. -
Leo’s Character Interviews
What I learned doing this assignment is that I really hadn’t completely developed the personalities of either my protagonist or antagonist. It was fun to do the interview, especially with the antagonist.
Martin Helfer – Protagonist
Tell me about yourself.
I’m just a guy trying to get bye. I love helping people. I guess that’s why I’m a handyman. I also like telling jokes and watching movies. I have been accused of being a pun-master. Could be.
Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?
Well, Nunu is a great lady. Funny and kind. I can’t imagine a better boss to work for. So, if she needs my help with something, I’m there.
You are up against Francis Mider. What is it about him that makes this journey even more difficult for you?
He is Nunu’s stepson, so I sometimes feel like I am caught in the middle. Also, he is a successful businessman. I see him doing commercials on TV for his car dealership. That’s something I can’t imagine me ever doing. He seems to dislike me, but I’m not sure. He seems to dislike everybody. He does kind of scare me.
In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?
I guess I need to overcome my feeling sorry for myself. I mean, it wasn’t my fault that my Mom abandoned me. You just can’t call up a Hollywood star and say, “I’m your long lost son, who you didn’t want to begin with.” But, if you mean helping out around Mider Manor and my Dad’s shop, hey, I’m pretty good at that already. Maybe I’ll have to learn to do taxes or something. I am good at following instructions.
What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?
So, you’re like a counselor, huh. Do you mind if I call you Nurse Ratchet? Just kidding. Did I mention that I like movies? I will let go of my homesickness for the planet Krypton. Ha! No, wait. I will travel to the orient and learn martial arts because “I’m Handyman”. Get it?
What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?
Wow, you just stay so serious, Dude. Lighten up. It’s my mom, alright? Don’t you get it. Who gets rejected by their mother and doesn’t feel hurt for the rest of their life? I’m not being held back. I like what I’m doing, and people like me. Except for Francis, of course.
What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
I build stuff. That’s why Nunu likes me. I make her life, with things from my Dad’s shop and from out of my head, much easier. Imagine being a fashion model, then being pushed down a flight of stairs and getting hurt so bad that you can hardly walk. I help her.
What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?
Well, I really like Nunu’s maid, Peaches. She’s so cute and efficient. When I wake up and don’t feel like going into work, I think about seeing Peaches and that gets me going.
What do you think of Rolf?
The butler? He’s like a character from an old horror movie. Quiet. Mysterious. Some kind of accent. He worked for Nunu’s husband for years and seems to know stuff he’s not sharing. “I vant to tell you ver di botties are buried.”
Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
I am here to help, and I will resist and fight anything that could harm Nunu. She’s like my pretend mom.
What does it do for your life is you succeed here?
Life is having a job to do. I like working here and I can’t imagine only taking care of my Dad’s shop. Success is fixing things and having a big screen TV.
Francis Mider – Antagonist
Tell me about yourself.
I am the owner/founder of Mider Motors. I restore cars that have been damaged in accidents and make them like new again. I am the rightful heir to the Mider Cigarette Company fortune. I get things done.
Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you?
Justice needs to be served. My sister and I should be living in Mider Manor, not Nunu. I am going to find a way back in and create the world that my sister and I deserve.
You are up against Martin. What is it about him that makes this journey even more difficult for you?
Martin? Oh, you mean the handyman. He’s always around. Really annoying with his stupid puns and “funny” voices. Nunu seems to like him, so that’s a problem. When I get in charge, it’s unemployment for that worthless sack of shit.
In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult?
I tend to be honest and direct and ask people to do what I want. You think selling used cars is easy? That’s not going to work with Nunu. I’ll need to tell her how much I miss her and how I want the family to be together again. (Rolls his eyes). I will have to learn to say what ever it takes to get this done.
What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of?
I’m not letting go of anything. Why would I want to change? I’m awesome.
What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back?
Duh. Being cheated out of a fortune kind of ruins your afternoon. I still don’t believe Dad wrote me out of his will. It must have been some kind of mistake or something Nunu did behind his back. If I’d been in charge, none of this smoking is bad for you stuff would have caught on. But, just in case, I’d have a line of Mider vaping pipes and tools.
What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist?
Did you miss the part where I told you who I was? Get real.
What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know?
If Nunu dies in some kind of accident, I will be soooo sad. Boo-hoo, boo-hoo.
What do you think of Nunu?
She’s a whore. Twenty-year-old super model marries 60-year-old millionaire. True love, my ass.
Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story.
Well, how fricking stupid are you. I want what is mine, that that bitch cheated me out of, and I will do anything to get it, dumb ass. I’m out of here.
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Leo’s Character Profiles Part 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are many questions to be asked about each character. I intend to go deeper with some of the characters besides the protagonist and antagonist.
Protagonist
Victim – Martin, a
twenty-something young man who believes his movie star mother abandoned
him, attempts to find her, only to discover that he was adopted and that
he has a brother who is trying to kill his real mother.Wound – He was
abandoned, then lied to about who his parents were. <div>Mission – Find
his real Mom. When he does, his mission becomes to save her from his
maniacal half-brother Francis.Internal Journey
– “Everything is a joke” to “Some things are worth dying
for.”External Journey
– From handyman orphan to millionaire and leader of a family.Antagonist
Predator – Francis Lee
Mider is a bitter psychopath who never got over the fact that his father,
Brock Mider, left his millions to his trophy wife, Nunu. He left Mider
Manner in anger and has had a series of sales jobs culminating in F. Lee
Milder Motors. He is tall, overbearing and somewhat threatening in his
manners. </div>Wound – He was left out of
his father’s inheritance.Mission – Make it look
like Nunu dies in an accident so he can claim the Midor fortune.Internal journey – Cold
and calculating to totally angry and out of controlExternal Journey –
Businessman to chain-saw wielding nut-case.<div>
Supporting characters:
Nunu Mider – Widow of
cigarette baron Brock Mider and Martin’s birth mother, Francis’ step-mom,
and the focus of their conflict.Billy – Martin’s mentally
challenged younger step-brotherDavid –
Martin and Billy’s dad. David is positive, work oriented, and proud
of his shop and his sons. He is getting up there and his memory and
mental agility is not what it used to be.Minor roles:
Peaches – Maid at Mider
Manor and Martin’s crush.Precious – Francis’ sister and henchman
Rolf – The butler who knows all the secrets
Mongo – Francis’ henchman.
Externally threatening, but with a kind spirit.Background characters:
Brock Mider – deceased
millionaire whose failings set the story in motion.Genre: Horror/Comedy
</div>
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Hello All,
My name is Leo. I’ve written four feature length screenplays and a bunch of shorts. I’ve produced short films, some of which have won awards. By taking this course, I hope to learn how to write more systematically and create a script from an idea I had over five years ago.
Unusual? I also write about movies, music and tech. I have about 400 reviews posted at blogcritics.org. (https://blogcritics.org/author/LeoOfMars/)
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Leo’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is that breaking down the journey and changes into smaller pieces helps see the character and creates new story ideas.
Martin, a young man who believes his movie star mother abandoned him, attempts to find her, only to discover that he was adopted and that he has a brother who is trying to kill his real mother. Martin, his newly discovered relatives, his girlfriend, and his adopted family are trapped in a creepy old house and Martin must figure out who to save before they are all killed by his chainsaw wielding brother.
Internal
Journey: From not taking anything seriously, to realizing the importance
of family and commitment.External
Journey: From the handyman that no one respects, to the savior of a family
he didn’t know he had.What are the Old Ways and New Ways?
Martin’s Old Ways
Jokes about everything
Won’t make a commitment
Believes a lie about his familyMartin’s New Ways
Fights for his friends
Declares his love for his girlfriend
Learns the true meaning of family -
Good catch. The logline and one-page should be able to stand alone. Thanks.
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Hi Benito,
I’d like to exchange feedback with you. We’re both working on horror scripts, although quite different.
Your concept reminded me of an idea I sketched out a few years ago but never wrote. I can share that with you.
Leo Sopicki