[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is…breaking the script into 4 Acts makes the plot much easier to write!
Create a first draft of your 4 Act Structure.
1. Tell us the following:
Concept: A realtor seeks shelter from a storm in a greenhouse and can’t leave because her an elderly homeowner says there are toxic fumes that surround the building…but her client says this is a lie!
Main Conflict: Can’t leave and doesn’t know who to believe.
2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.
Act 1:
Opening: A realtor, Louisa, seeks shelter greenhouse during a violent storm and finds a man there, her client, Jamison, searching for something.
Inciting Incident: An elderly woman, Agnes, appears and tells them there’s a foul odor in the bushes and it could be toxic!
Turning Point: Agnes pokes her head outside and gags from the toxic fumes and almost dies! They must ride out the storm in the greenhouse until help can arrive!
Act 2:
New plan: Louisa searches for anything to cover their mouths so they can escape and she finds some old masks.
Plan in action: They go outside wearing the masks but the seals don’t work and they all get sick and must retreat back to the greenhouse! Their cell phone service isn’t working!
Midpoint Turning Point: Louisa finds a hidden door that leads to a tunnel! They escape through the tunnel but Agnes turns into a sinister ghost and chases them into the basement of the mansion!

Act 3:
Rethink everything: Louisa and Jamison join forces to get out of the basement and they try to trap Agnes in a hole, but she escapes and tells them her husband killed her and buried her in the wall and they need to find her skeleton. They try to escape but she threatens to open a jar of the toxic fumes!
New plan: Louisa and Jamison find Agnes’ skeleton but then she says they can’t leave until they bury her skeleton in the yard. They find an escape passage to the first floor and decide to risk the toxic fumes and they escape through the first floor windows.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They escape and immediately get sick from the outside toxic fumes that surround the property and Agnes drags them back inside the house! She insists they find her skeleton and breaks their HAM radio!
Act 4:
Final plan: The clock strikes Midnight and Jamison morphs into a ghost! Agnes says he’s the husband who murdered her! Louisa doesn’t know who to believe!
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Louisa barricades herself behind a desk as the two ghosts fight it out! The house shakes and moans and the fumes enter the first floor.
Resolution: Louisa finds a lost skeleton, but it belongs to Jamison! Agnes was his wife and she murdered him and reenacts the murder every Dec 26! Jamison thanks Louisa for uncovering his skeleton, and the two ghosts fade into the mist. Louisa runs outside, and the storm has ended and the air is safe to breathe!

• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Delivering Multiple Layers!
What I learned doing this assignment is…adding layers is fun and makes the story come alive!

1. Brainstorm potential plot layers.
Major scheme revealed: Jamison isn’t really a realtor. He paid a shady realtor to get the keys to the greenhouse and the house to look for the formula.
Mystery revealed: Who is the Green Lady Ghost? It’s Mrs. Grimes, who says she was murdered by her husband and his maid. But it turns out she is the murderer! She’s not the nice old lady she says she is!
Thought it was one thing, but it is another: There’s a twist! The ghost is the killer!
Major shift in Meaning: When the tunnel is revealed, there’s more to the story than just a formula that supposedly hidden in the greenhouse. It could be hidden in the tunnel or somewhere in the mansion!
Hidden history: The house holds a secret: The skeletons of the Mr. Grimes and the maid, Betty, are hidden in the basement or the greenhouse, from the murder that was committed in 1920!
Hidden plan: Louisa didn’t just come out of the rain, she plans to buy the house and find the formula and manufacture it to become rich!

2. Brainstorm potential character layers.
Secret identity: Louisa is really the person who bought the house! She didn’t just “run into the greenhouse to get out of the rain!” She saw Jamison in the getting into the greenhouse with the key, and nobody has a key! Where did he get it? Jamison isn’t really a realtor, he’s a fortune hunter who wants to find the fabled formula, just like Louisa. Mrs Grimes isn’t the elderly neighbor next door who has a key to the house to water the plants…she’s really the Green Lady ghost who murdered her husband and their maid.

Intrigue layers: Louisa, Jamison and Mrs Grimes are all there, in the greenhouse, under false premises! Nobody is who they say the are and they all have hidden goals.
Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Jamison bribed the realtor who is selling the house for the key to the greenhouse! The realtor is really friends with Louisa, and Louisa and the realtor are in on Jamison’s scam and playing along with it!
Hidden Character history: Mrs Grimes isn’t the friendly elderly neighbor next year who “pops by every so often to water the plants the previous owner’s left behind!” She’s actually a ghost and she’s never left the property! She’s been searching for the hidden formula for 100 years!

3. Brainstorm potential location layers.
Hidden operation: The greenhouse is old and haunted by a Green Lady ghost. Nobody knows why but there’s always been a legend of murder because the house’s owner in 1924 went missing and so did the maid. They never found them!
Deeper meaning: The plants can be healing plants around the greenhouse, they’re not really toxic!
Trap to draw prey: Toxic fumes around the greenhouse
Unique sub-world: The Grimes in the 1920s grew all kinds of weird plants in the greenhouse and wanted to sell them for medicinal and healing purposes.

4. Tell us about the layers you’ve chosen. Use this format with each of them:
Surface Layer: An abandoned mansion and greenhouse from the 1920s.
Beneath That: The house and greenhouse are haunted by the Greenhouse Ghost who is reported to be kind but she’s really angry and vengeful and she’s looking for the formula too!
How Revealed: The third act climax Mrs Grimes turns into the Greenhouse Ghost and tries to make them look for the formula! Instead, they find the bodies of Mr Grimes and the maid! Louisa reveals she’s the new owner of the house and greenhouse and she’s bought it to look for the healing formula. She tells Jamison she knows his scheme because her friend is the realtor and they know he’s also looking for the formula.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Character Journeys!

What I learned doing this assignment is…adding a 3-Act Structure for each character adds a lot of depth and intrigue to the plot!

1. For each of your main characters, create a 3-Act Structure of their journey.

3 Act Journey For LOUISA
Beginning: She rushes into the greenhouse to seek shelter from the rain. She’s there to meet the realtor to buy the house, or so it seems. Was it an accident that she’s caught in the rain or did she deliberately arrive late to get into the greenhouse? What’s she looking for?
Turning Point: The Green Lady ghosts tells her they can’t leave because there could be toxic fumes, enhanced by the rain!
Midpoint: They try to escape from the greenhouse but lightning strikes a tree, it falls and blocks their way out! The fumes are starting to seep into the greenhouse. Louisa find a secret door/tunnel points to a way out…a secret tunnel that leads to the mansion. A ghost blocks their exit back to the greenhouse…they have to run through the tunnel to the mansion.
Turning Point 2: The Green Lady ghosts convinces Louisa it’s not safe to climb out the windows because of the toxic fumes, but Jamison doesn’t believe her. Louisa runs into the tunnel to escape the fumes.
Dilemma: Should Louisa believe Jamison when he says the green lady ghost admitted to poisoning her husband and their maid! She wasn’t poisoned, she was the killer!
3rd Act Climax: They find the hidden formula in the cellar and the skeletons of the green lady’s dead husband and maid. The skeletons become ghosts and accuse the green lady! The fumes invade the cellar. The husband and maid ghosts open a window for all of them to escape.

Ending: After they find the jewelry box in the greenhouse, Louisa reveals she’s the secret buyer of the house! She gives half the jewels to Jamison and they kiss!

3 Act Journey For JAMISON
Beginning: He’s searching for something in the greenhouse when Louisa arrives seeking shelter from the storm. He tells her his friend, the other realtor, is sick and he’s filling in. What’s he searching for? He claims he’s looking for a backup key to the house, because he dropped his on the lawn.
Turning Point: When Louisa arrives seeking shelter from the storm, he tells her his friend, the other realtor, is sick and he’s filling in. This is a lie. He paid the friend to meet with Louisa because he thinks she might know where the formula is hidden? What’s he searching for? He claims he’s looking for a backup key to the house, because he dropped his on the lawn.
Midpoint: Jamison twists his ankle and tells Louisa to leave him there in the tunnel and try to make it to the house where there’s a HAM radio left behind by the previous owners.
Turning Point 2: Jamison drags himself back into the greenhouse where he finds a diary that he thinks may be written by the Green Lady where she admits to poisoning her husband and the maid. He knows Louisa is in danger and he drags himself through the tunnel to the house but the diary falls out of his jacket.
Dilemma: Should Jamison believe the green lady ghost when she says the fumes are invading the house or should he work with Louisa to find the formula or escape before the fumes invade the cellar?
3rd Act Climax: They find the hidden formula in the cellar and the skeletons of the green lady’s dead husband and maid. The skeletons become ghosts and accuse the green lady! The fumes invade the cellar. The husband and maid ghosts open a window for all of them to escape.
Ending: The Green Lady Ghost dissolves when she breathes the toxic gases and a red mist envelopes her and pulls her down into a hole in the grown, meaning she’s gone to hell. Jamison and Louisa escape from the cellar and run across the law as they see the two ghosts float up into the clouds and Heaven. Jamison says there’s one thing he was looking for in the greenhouse. They go inside and find a secret panel, where there’s a jewelry box that was the maid’s. It’s filled with diamonds and rubies!

3 Act Journey For MRS GRIMES, THE GREEN LADY GHOST
Beginning: She is the elderly next door neighbor who claims to be there to water the plants left behind by the previous tenants, but she’s really the green lady ghost of legend.
Turning Point: Mrs Grimes gets stuck in the greenhouse with Louisa and Jamison when she seeks shelter from the rain. She needs to get home to check on her bread baking in the oven.
Midpoint: Mrs. Grimes grows angry because Louisa has found the secret tunnel. She tries to force them out of the greenhouse but it’s surrounded by toxic gasses so they run into the tunnel and she chases them!
Turning Point 2: Louisa discovers that Mrs Grimes is not really the neighbor…she sees her face in an old magazine from 1920! Mrs Grimes grows angry and turns into the green lady ghost in a green flapper dress.
Dilemma: Mrs Grimes is bent on revenge on the ancestor of her husband’s love child with the maid. She reveals that it’s Jamison, but she only has ten minutes to remain a ghostly form before she fades into the mist for “her crimes of the past?” Should she try to redeem herself and give them the formula or keep looking for the formula in the house?
3rd Act Climax: Louisa and Jamison find the hidden formula in the cellar and the skeletons of the green lady’s dead husband and maid. The skeletons become ghosts and accuse the green lady! The fumes invade the cellar. The husband and maid ghosts open a window for all of them to escape.
Ending: The Green Lady Ghost dissolves when she breathes the toxic gases and a red mist envelopes her and pulls her down into a hole in the grown, meaning she’s gone to hell.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Character Depth!

What I learned doing this assignment is…The more layers I add to the character’s, the more the story comes alive and it becomes intriguing!

1. With each of your characters, go through all of these questions to see which might fit for your story.

Internal Character Depth: Louisa, the real estate buyer
• Motivation: Money! She must find the treasure! She’s out of money!
• Secret: She never graduated from high school and didn’t get her college degree. She’s really a “professional wifey.” She poses as a buyer to examine the old plants in the greenhouse, but she’s really looking for the valuable formula. She acts like an airhead but she’s really smart and has a green thumb.
• Wound: Her parents didn’t love her and favored her older sister who had talent.
• Subtext: She has a horrible addiction, she eats rocks when she’s stressed. She substituted her alcohol addiction for another unhealthy addiction, eating rocks.
• Layers: She’s living in her car, and broke into the greenhouse several weeks ago and has been living there. She’s a scaredy cat by nature and runs from danger but longs to stand up for herself and make it on her own.
Character to character
• Conflict: She argues with Jamison and thinks he’s a jerk, they can’t agree on if the fumes around the greenhouse are toxic or not. He’s condescending and rude. He makes fun of her being a coward and she makes fun of his limp. She tries to hide from the ghost and not help her.
• Hidden Agenda: She’s really there to look for the hidden valuable formula.
• Conspiracy: She charmed the caretaker to get the keys to the greenhouse.
• Intrigue: She tries to drug Jamison to put him to sleep while she searches for the formula. She needs the keys to get into the mansion.

Character Situation
• Dilemma: Should she save Jamison when he cuts his leg or should she ignore him and follow the ghost to the mansion?
• Secret Identity: She has been squatting in the greenhouse for a month. She’s the “loser squatter” she’s been making fun of!

Internal Character Depth: Jamison, the real estate agent
• Motivation: He’s also looking for the fabled hidden formula
• Secret: He learned about the story of the hidden formula as a child, but he doesn’t let on to Louisa that he knows about it.
• Wound: He was injured in Navy Seal Training by an idiot trainer and had to drop out. He still walks with a limp but refuses surgery, although it could help him. It’s his badge of honor.
• Subtext: He doesn’t care about selling the house, he hopes it doesn’t sell right away, so he can keep looking for the hidden formula.
• Layers: His great uncle owned the house in the 1920s. He’s the great nephew of the ghost!
Character to character
• Conflict: Jamison pokes fun of Louisa’s airheaded ways and he pretends to have no knowledge of the house and is vague about its history with Louisa. He taunts the ghost and makes the situation worse.
• Hidden Agenda: He’s not even the listed agent for the house, his friend it, but they switched because he wants the keys to look for the formula. He doesn’t even want to sell it until he can find the formula.
• Conspiracy: He switched with another agent to show the house to Louisa so he could get the keys.
• Intrigue: He’s really the ghost’s great nephew, that’s why the ghost especially hates him!

Character Situation
• Dilemma: Should he share the formula with Louisa or leave her there to fight the ghost on her own
• Secret Identity: He’s the great-great nephew of the ghostly lady of Lilac Manor

Internal Character Depth: The Ghostly Lady in Green
• Motivation: Wants someone to find the formula and give it to scientists at the institute for botany research in their city.
• Secret: She was murdered (poisoned) by her husband and maid. She didn’t die of natural causes at age 50!
• Wound: Her husband had an affair with her maid and they had a baby together. She could never have children!
• Subtext: She wants to kill Jamison, because he’s the last living ancestor of her husband’s bastard son!
• Layers: She was a young bride but became bitter because she couldn’t have children and her husband ran around on her, so she devised a poison to kill them but they found it out first and poisoned her!
Character to character
• Conflict: She wants to kill Jamison! She wants to kill Louisa, but needs her to find the formula first because she can’t look for it herself because she’s not allowed back in the mansion…because of a curse?
• Hidden Agenda: She lured Jamison there to kill him!
• Conspiracy: ?
• Intrigue: She has the keys to the secret room within the greenhouse but doesn’t want to share them?
Character Situation
• Dilemma: She doesn’t want to burn down the toxic greenhouse, it was her sanctuary.
• Secret Identity: She’s the Ghostly Lady of Greenwood Hall.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Right Characters!
What I learned doing this assignment is… the more conflict I create between the characters and their reaction to being contained in one location adds so many layers and intrigue to the story!

Hook: Two sisters and a male cousin who don’t get along are stuck in a greenhouse with a vengeful ghost but if they try to leave, they will die because toxic fumes surround the building.

How does each main character fit with the Hook and enhance/cause conflict? These characters are right for this story because they have conflicts with each other, and with life in general, and they have to figure these problems out to get out alive.

Main Characters:

Sister #1: Fits with the Hook because she is a botanist stuck in a greenhouse she’s exploring for a paper she’s writing. She adds conflict because she’s claustrophobic but they can’t leave because of toxic gases.

Sister #2: Fits with the Hook because she’s a coward and a scaredy cat and is more afraid of the vengeful ghost than the toxic gases that surround the greenhouse. She keeps trying to escape to get away from the ghost, putting them in danger.

Male Cousin: Fits with the main Hook because he’s in a wheelchair due to an accident and he has his own ghosts to deal with, but he’s refused to try to walk again because he believes his life is over because he can’t be a Navy Seal. He’s as angry as the vengeful ghost and this adds to the conflict because he taunts the ghosts and makes her more angry and dangerous.

Vengeful Ghost: She is the previous lady of the mansion who loved flowers and growing them in her greenhouse, but she was poisoned by her husband there, because he wanted her money, which she meant for her daughter. The husband buried the money in the mansion, and her great granddaughter needs the money, and she will not be happy until the money is found and given to her rightful heir. She will not let anyone leave until they find the money. She created the toxic fumes through her mixture of decomposing odd and rare plants.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Great Hook!

A. How did this process work for you? Brainstorming different components works great for me and it’s fun!
B. What did you learn doing this assignment? There are many possible components in a contained movie.

1. Taking your 5 ideas from the Pre-Lesson, use the techniques below to brainstorm possible major hooks.
A. Intriguing Contained Setting: Greenhouse
B. Unique Device: Rare plants that disintegrate in the rain and produce toxic gasses
C. Unique Monster/Villain: A ghost with a vengeance
D. Mystery: Who created the toxic plants? Why is the ghost full of vengeance?
E. Impossible goal/Unsolvable problem: How can the three relatives get out of the greenhouse alive, when it’s surrounded by toxic gases?
F. Unique layers: Who created the plants that emit toxic gases in the rain? Who is the ghost haunting the greenhouse and why is she so vengeful?

2. Ask the High Concept Question.
Having to do with ghost stories, what haven’t we seen before?

3. Pick one and do the Exchanging Components process.
List the components of your current concept.
The current components are:
A. Two sisters and a male cousin, a vengeful ghost
B. Haunted greenhouse and mansion
C. Harassed by a ghost and threatened by toxic gases
D. Ghost who was killed by the toxic gases

A. Two sisters and a male cousin, a vengeful ghost
• A maid, a neighbor, a gardener, a romantic ghost
• An elderly grandmother, her grandson, a neighbor, a scary ghoul
• A realtor, a home buyer, a neighbor, a banshee
• A recluse, a neighbor, a gardener, a werewolf

B. Haunted greenhouse and mansion
• Haunted trail and recreation center
• Haunted apartment complex
• Haunted grocery store
• Haunted ski lodge and ski slopes

C. Harassed by a ghost and threatened by toxic gases
• Harassed by a ghoul and threatened by toxic paint on the walls
• Threatened by a ghost and doors that lock behind them
• Threatened by werewolf and man-eating giant frogs
• Chased by ghost and threatened by man-eating roaches

D. Ghost who was killed by the toxic gases
• Ghost who was killed by being pushed down the stairs by a jealous neighbor
• Werewolf who was tricked by a neighbor and was bitten by another werewolf
• Banshee who was killed by an evil man and is determined to warn other women about him
• Ghoul who murdered by a competitor and seeks revenge on the family

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Contained Version of The Day of the Jackal (1973)

What I learned doing this assignment is…even large budget movies, with many locations and many cast members and extras can be made with a small budget by limiting locations, cast and extras!
PART 1: Select Your Project
1. Go through your five ideas and determine which of them can easily fit these guidelines for a contained project. Three family members who don’t get along are stuck in green house during a violent thunderstorm where they are terrorized by a ghost that won’t let them leave until they solve her murder.
A. It can be done as a contained story. A greenhouse, an underground tunnel and an abandoned mansion
B. There is something unique about it. A toxic gas surrounds the greenhouse and will kill them if they breathe it.
C. You can write a pitch in one or two sentences. Three family members who can’t stand each are stuck in a greenhouse during a storm. They must solve the murder of an angry ghost and they can’t leave the area because toxic fumes are surrounding the estate.
D. It can be written for high entertainment. This can be a horror comedy, with many funny moments and spooky scenes.

PART 2: Rethink a bigger movie as a Contained project.
Pick a movie that has a bigger budget and lots of locations and give us your thoughts on how they could have make it as a contained movie.
TITLE: The Day of the Jackal (1973)
AS THEY DID IT:
A. Locations: Paris, Austria, London (Heathrow Airport, the British Museum); Genoa, Rome, Tulle (France)
B. People: The Jackal, The Inspector, The Gun Maker, The Forger, Charles de Gaulle, Yvonne de Galle, the Interrogator, Denise, police, military, military on horses, military band, priests, train ticket salesman hotel porter, hotel front desk staff, man driving car with dog, woman in park, 4 conspirators, 10 defense ministers, 4 nuns, 2 helicopter pilots, wealthy woman, landlady, man and dog in car, maid, gardener
C. Stunts: opening scene-attempted assassination of Charles de Galle, car crash, killing of The Jackal
D. Extras: nuns, large crowds in Genoa, Paris, churchgoers, crowds on streets in Paris and ceremony in Paris with Charles de Gall
E. Wardrobe: Various outfits and disguises for The Jackal, military uniforms, police uniforms, priests robes, suits for 4 conspirators, suits for defense ministers, hotel guests and staff,
CONTAINED VERSION:
A. Locations: Paris, Tulle (France), Genoa
B. People: The Jackal, The Inspector, 2 conspirators, 5 defense ministers, Charles de Galle, the Gun Maker, the Forger, wealthy woman, landlady, fewer crowds, fewer military on horses, smaller military band
C. Stunts: opening scene-attempted assassination of Charles de Galle, killing of The Jackal
D. Extras: smaller crowds in Paris, Genoa and Tulle (France)
E. Wardrobe: Same, but for less people.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty. I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Hello fellow screenwriters!

My name is Leona Heraty. I’ve written three scripts: two are horror comedies and one is a thriller comedy. In this class, I would love to learn how to write a high concept script that’s low budget, in one location, with very few characters. I’ve taken many ScreenwritingU courses, and I love them all! Something that’s interesting about me: I love cheezy sci-fi/creature feature movies from the 1950s, such as Creature from the Black Lagoon, IT Came from Outer Space, and many more! They’re so much fun for the whole family!

[Leona Heraty]

Daily Focus – Searching for Breakthroughs:

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights/breakthroughs into what makes this character great from a writing perspective.
This story is about the underdog, who must try harder to prove their worth and their fight to be understood and to win. Seabiscuit is the perfect horse for this scene because he’s smaller but faster and has more spirit than larger horses, and he’s not afraid to fight against people (the trainers) whom he doesn’t like.

Red is misunderstood and has had to fight for everything, even against other trainers who gang up on him, four to one! He’s perfect for this scene because he’s the human version of the star, Seabiscuit. They both have lots of spirit!

2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of any insights/breakthroughs you like.
One student mentioned that Seabiscuit is fighting off three handlers, and then a jockey. Meanwhile, Red is fighting off four guys with only a bucket. Seabiscuit is creative and scrappy, he kicks his stalls, and kicks at the handlers and bites the shirt off the jockey who tries to ride him. He uses his tools of his legs and hooves and teeth to fight back.

Red is using the only thing he can find to fight off the four guys: a bucket! So Seabiscuit and Red’s traits of scrappiness and the fighting spirit literally complement each other and show us clearly in this scene that they belong together!

3. Rethink or create a scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite that scene/character.
Tara, when cornered, has to fight back against the Termo-Lytes and lead Davie and Meg in their fight to survive. Although she lacks courage and confidence in her abilities, she rallies Davie and Meg and says no, they can’t surrender to Big Betty and the Termo-Lyes, because they can’t be trusted.

Big Betty rallies her gang, the Termo-Lytes, to fight against “these silly human Round-Up heads, and she pours an old can of Round-Up into the cocktails she’s trying to trick Tara, Davie and Meg into drinking. She’s using her courage and confidence to strike back, even though she’s afraid the humans will repeat what they did to her grandparents, when they killed her grandparents with Round-Up at the Halloween festival corn maze, when Tara was eight years old. Big Betty doesn’t trust the humans and Tara doesn’t trust Big Betty.

[Leona Heraty]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character…that I need to show that although my main characters don’t appear at first to have a lot in common, they belong together because they both have strengths that the other person doesn’t have, so they complement each other and without knowing it, challenge each other to grow.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Daily Focus – Searching for Breakthroughs

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights/breakthroughs into what makes this character great from a writing perspective. Sam is perfect for this movie because it’s a Rom/Com, and he is funny and kind and loving. He has a deep wound, from the death of his wife, and only love will heal his wound. Annie is also a great character because she’s perfect for a Rom/Com: funny, sweet and kind. She also has a wound, the recent breakup of her relationship and her hesitancy to trust again.

2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of any insights/breakthroughs you like. One student mentioned that despite their distance, living on separate coasts, this may not keep them apart. What could draw them together is their similar personal traits and loneliness and the need to be loved. So their journey in this story will be fun to see…will they somehow end up together? If so, how?

3. Rethink or create a scene for your script using your new insights and rewrite that scene/character. Changing the backyard cookout scene, where Davie shows he’s lonely because his parents are in Europe and Tara, who’s self-absorbed, finally takes notice of him and cooks him a burger he really likes, because she too doesn’t like her Dad’s cooking. Tara is a scaredy cat and doesn’t want to go any further than up the road to Disneyland.

Tara and Davie’s needs complement each other. Davie is fearless and he takes risks that Tara is afraid to take, and he challenges her to explore the country club. He’s afraid of losing his parent’s love, so he doesn’t want to leave town, even to go up to Disneyland, because his parents could come home from Europe early.

Tara needs to save Davie from the Termo-Lytes, and she needs to be less self-absorbed and think of others. So they both need each other in this story. They will also become unlikely allies because they work together and with Davie’s grandmother, Meg, to defeat the Termo-Lytes.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Sandeep!

Would you like to exchange scenes for feedback? My email is heraty.leona@gmail.com.

I’m revising my scene as we speak and can have it to you within the next 24 hours, probably less. I will have the “before” scene and the “after” scene, which will hopefully show more depth with my protagonist’s character traits. 😎

[Leona Heraty]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character…I needed to make the antagonist, Big Betty, more interesting by showing her wounds about the loss of her parents. This adds depth and irony, that a bug can have wounds too. She’s still a mean, nasty Termo-Lyte, but at least there’s a reason for her meanness and revenge.

I want to reveal Big Betty’s deeper wounds when her parents were killed by Round-Up and she had to raise herself, being the oldest, and her siblings. It’s ridiculous and somewhat comical, but it gives more insight into her revenge when on mankind, especially Tara, because Tara is the reason Big Betty’s parents were killed.

[Leona Heraty]

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights/breakthroughs into what makes this character great from a writing perspective.

Will is tough on the outside and very intelligent. But he’s hiding his wounds from his childhood abuse by being angry and pushing Skylar away. I found out from another student’s comments that one thing that makes this scene so interesting is that Will and Skylar come from opposite worlds. There is irony there and there’s irony that Skylar doesn’t care that Will is poor.

Skylar seems to have a carefree life because she’s rich and beautiful. But she reveals her deep grief and sadness at the loss of her father when she was 12 years old. She would give all her money back to see her Dad again.

2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of any insights/breakthroughs you like.

I found out from another
student’s comments that one thing that makes this scene so interesting is that
Will and Skylar come from opposite worlds. There is irony there and there’s
irony that Skylar doesn’t care that Will is poor.

[Leona Heraty]

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights/breakthroughs into what makes this character great from a writing perspective.
I accidentally posted this twice. Please see my post above.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

1. Please watch this scene and provide your insights/breakthroughs into what makes this character great from a writing perspective.

Scene 1: Jack is troubled and tired and worried about the plane crash and worries about the Marshall as he treats his wounds.

The Marshall isn’t worried about his own wounds, rather, he’s determined to tell the truth to Jack about Kate being wanted. Both want different things, but in the end, the Marshall convinces Jack to look in his pocket and find the wanted poster, with Kate’s photo on it, and then he says that Kate is dangerous!

Scene 2: Kate reluctantly plays the I Never game at Sawyer’s requests. She’s tough and doesn’t want to reveal her background to Sawyer.

Sawyer is so charming and inventive, he asks Kate to play the I Never game with him and he eventually reveals that he’s killed someone, and then Kate reveals that she too has killed someone.

Scene 3: Kate is very mysterious throughout the scene…why would she wait up late for a drunk guy to come home, and then tuck him in bed, despite the fact he stinks and his making unwanted advances at her?

Who is the drunk guy and why would Kate wait up for him and tuck him in bed? What is the drunk guy’s history with Kate?

2. Read the other writers comments and make notes of any
insights/breakthroughs you like.

Scene 1: I realized the writer has a
lot more time to reveal secrets in a TV show, vs a feature film. I also
realized that the action of the scene when Jack is treating the Marshall’s
wounds, sets up the need for the Marshall to reveal Kate’s secret quickly to someone,
Jack, in case he dies before the scene ends.

Scene 2: I learned from another
student’s comments that Jack is a scavenger, and he finds out other people’s
weaknesses and could use them against the other character later on, for his benefit.

Scene 3: I learned that Kate is a
patient person, because she’s willing to wait up late into the night for the
drunk guy to come home. I learned that she is determined and ruthless, because
after she tucks the drunk guy in bed, she blows up his house and kills him!

[Leona Heraty]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character…my main character’s traits need to be set-up better at the beginning of the script. She’s a self-center teenager who’s also a coward and doesn’t like to stick her neck out for anyone. We could have her drive by a lemonade stand in the opening scene and wave to the kids, like she’s pulling over, then have her drive away. Later on the script, she shows compassion for Davie, a kid and then works to save him from the Termo-Lytes.

[Leona Heraty]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character…I need to add a better set-up for my protagonist, Tara, so she is more of a self-focused teenager, a bit selfish typical teenager, who hides her lack of confidence and courage with jokes and teasing others.

If I add this at the beginning, through dialogue and actions, her transformation into a warrior princess who gains confidence and courage and overcomes her past to kill the Termo-Lytes will be outstanding!

One insight I gained when I watched this scene a second time was the significance of having Junah practice his golf swing at night, by himself, where nobody could watch or judge him. That means he’s lost is mojo and his belief in his abilities and optimism for the future.

Also, I noticed that having Baggar Vance emerge from the darkness at night enhances his mysterious character. When he mentions the 1916 golf tournament and how the star player hit the ball so far it took 20 mins to measure the distance, I realized that Baggar isn’t just some hobo walking along at night, looking for a meal. He knows and follows golf and he knows who Judah is and that Judah was the star player in the 1916 tournament.

[Leona Heraty]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character…the set-up is so important! Using action and subtext to set up the character’s journey and how they will change is everything! Sarah has never even done a field dressing, yet she does it perfectly, for the first time. This shows she will become a warrior who is expert at handling all kinds of medical emergencies.

The insights I gained are how important the setup is when we’re laying the plot for the how the character will change to meet their destiny. The more subtext through action the better, for example, when Sarah does a field dressing for Kyle’s wounded arm…she does it quickly and proficiently…for the first time! Wow!

[Leona Heraty]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character…this scene is funny and interesting because it has a lot of subtext! The writers worked really hard to show the character traits of Will, Chuckie, Skylar and Claude and made it intriguing, funny and even a bit menacing when Will challenged Claude in the end to a fight outside. The writing is great because there are so many layers to it! It’s definitely worth rewatching again and again. I didn’t even realize, until after reading other’s comments, that Will and Skylar were attracted to each other!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty. I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi everyone! My name is Leona Heraty. I’ve written three scripts. I taken many classes from Hal. I’m currently taking the TV Bingeworthy course.

My focus is on comedy. I hope to make my characters a lot more interesting. I think they’re good but I need to elevate them to outstanding.

I love cheesy sci-fi movies from the 1950s, like It Came from Outer Space, Creature from the Black Lagoon, Them! and many more!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

“What I learned doing this assignment is…I needed to change my hook to highlight the most unique part of the hero’s journey. I think the change makes the concept and elevator pitch more unique…at least I hope so!

High Concept: How do you hide from seven foot tall mutant termites when they’re eating all your cover?

Elevator Pitch: I’m finishing up a family sci-fi comedy that answers the question: how do you hide from seven foot tall mutant termites when they’re eating all your cover?

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned doing this assignment is…it’s much easier to write a synopsis by starting with the hooks! I think I’m off to a great start!

1. Take your list of 10 COM and 10 MIT for your story.

10 Components of Marketability (COM)

B. Great Title: Tara Vs. the Termo-Lites. It’s funny and tells you it’s a spoof and quirky, for the family. I can elevate this title by adding an exclamation point, so it could be: Tara Vs. the Termo-Lites!

E. It’s a first. It’s the first time a teenage girl has to fight off and kill mutant giant termites! I can elevate this idea by saying it’s a 1950s sci-fi movie for the modern age, with the first-of-their-kind mutant giant Termo-Lites!

10 Most Interesting Things (MIT)
A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?

Tara—Hero—She’s the least likely person to fight and kill mutant termites because she’s petrified of bugs!

Big Betty-the Queen of the Termo-Lites—Villain—She’s a termite who becomes a mutant seven-foot tall Termo-Lyte by consuming a green concoction with Spirulina!

B. Major hook of your opening scene? A glowing green concoction in a glass falls over, breaks and spills onto some dead termites…and they come to life and grow one foot tall!

C. Any turning points? Tara, Meg and Davy meet Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes and the mutant termites appear to be friendly at first…then they turn on them and show their pointy teeth and sharp claws. Big Betty kidnaps Davy, the 10-year old kid.

D. Emotional dilemma? Tara is heading to Disneyland with her friends, Max and Clare, for their second senior day of fun, and in the driveway and loading their car when Tara’s Dad drives up and pleads with her to be a tour guy for her Mom’s garden club. If she says no, she’ll let her Mom and Dad and the club members down, but if she says yes, she’ll let Max and Clare down.

E. Major twists? In the opening scene, there are dead termites on the floor. A figure brushes up again a glass of a glowing green concoction. It falls on the floor and breaks and the green concoction pours onto the dead termites…they wiggle and come to life!

F. Reversals? The termites are dead, they get covered with a green concoction and then come to life.

2. Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story.

B. Great Title: Tara Vs. the Termo-Lites. It’s funny and tells you it’s a spoof and quirky, for the family. I can elevate this title by adding an exclamation point, so it could be: Tara Vs. the Termo-Lites!

E. It’s a first. It’s the first time a teenage girl has to fight off and kill mutant giant termites! I can elevate this idea by saying it’s a 1950s sci-fi movie for the modern age, with the first-of-their-kind mutant giant Termo-Lites!

Tara—Hero—She’s the least likely person to fight and kill mutant termites because she’s petrified of bugs!

Big Betty-the Queen of the Termo-Lites—Villain—She’s a termite who becomes a mutant seven-foot tall Termo-Lyte by consuming a green concoction with Spirulina!

B. Major hook of your opening scene? A glowing green concoction in a glass falls over, breaks and spills onto some dead termites…and they come to life and grow one foot tall!

D. Emotional dilemma? Tara is heading to Disneyland with her friends, Max and Clare, for their second senior day of fun, and in the driveway and loading their car when Tara’s Dad drives up and pleads with her to be a tour guy for her Mom’s garden club. If she says no, she’ll let her Mom and Dad and the club members down, but if she says yes, she’ll let Max and Clare down.

3. Organize those hooks into a sequence that makes
sense for the story &
4. Using those hooks as an outline, write a
first draft of your synopsis.

Organized hooks into a sequence that makes sense for the story/First Draft of
Synopsis:

Great news! Your parents will buy you season passes to Disneyland every Bad
news? First, you gotta kill a mean batch of 7-feet tall mutant termites!

All Tara wants to do is enjoy her last summer at Disneyland with her friends
before starting college…but her parents insist that first she serves as driver
for her Mom’s garden club’s annual tour. But when Tara takes a wrong turn and
her group ends up at an abandoned country club, instead of smelling the
flowers, they’re now face-to-face with giant 7-feet tall termites!

Tara’s solution? Hide! She’s always been petrified of bugs and this is no time
to play the warrior princess!

But Big Betty, the Queen of the Termo-Lytes, insists on inviting Tara and her
group to their clan’s summer solstice celebration, whether they want to attend
or not.

Tara has one choice…fight back or become the Termo-Lytes main course!

Tara is proof that miracles still happen when she takes on vicious bugs…and
wins in Tara Vs. the Termo-Lytes.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned doing this assignment is…focusing on the most interesting parts of my script will really help me elevate my pitch and hopefully, attract a producer and a manager!

1. Go through your project and see which of these specific hooks you have:

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero?
Tara—Hero—She’s the least likely person to fight and kill mutant termites because she’s petrified of bugs!

Big Betty-the Queen of the Termo-Lites—Villain—She’s a termite who becomes a mutant seven-foot tall Termo-Lyte by consuming a green concoction with Spirulina!

B. Major hook of your opening scene? A glowing green concoction in a glass falls over, breaks and spills onto some dead termites…and they come to life and grow one foot tall!

C. Any turning points? Tara, Meg and Davy meet Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes and the mutant termites appear to be friendly at first…then they turn on them and show their pointy teeth and sharp claws. Big Betty kidnaps Davy, the 10-year old kid.

D. Emotional dilemma? Tara is heading to Disneyland with her friends, Max and Clare, for their second senior day of fun, and in the driveway and loading their car when Tara’s Dad drives up and pleads with her to be a tour guy for her Mom’s garden club. If she says no, she’ll let her Mom and Dad and the club members down, but if she says yes, she’ll let Max and Clare down.

E. Major twists? In the opening scene, there are dead termites on the floor. A figure brushes up again a glass of a glowing green concoction. It falls on the floor and breaks and the green concoction pours onto the dead termites…they wiggle and come to life!

F. Reversals? The termites are dead, they get covered with a green concoction and then come to life.

G. Character betrayals?

H. Or any big surprises?

2. Make a list of any other things in your script that could interest a producer.

OTHER INTERESTING THINGS IN TARA VS. THE TERMO-LITES

–Tara fights off the Big Betty and the Termo-Lyes, and Big Betty’s grandparents frightened Tara when she was a kid by crawling on her leg at a corn maze during Halloween, causing Tara’s lifelong fear of bugs.

–Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are regular termites who become seven foot tall mutant termites when a jar of glowing green goo falls on them and brings them to life and makes them continually grow to seven feet tall!

–Meg, Tara and Davy’s friend, who’s on their garden tour group, has a big secret…she recently bought the old abandoned country club, where the group sought shelter when they got lost on the tour, and that’s where Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are hanging out!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Meets Producer/Manager

“What I learned today is…how to work with managers and producers to meet their specific needs so we can work together to get my movie made and further our careers together!

Answer two questions:

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
I will tell them I have a mid-level budget script in their genre and that it’s similar to movies they’ve produced in the past, but unique. Then I’ll give them my brief, high concept pitch that has at least two of the 10 components of marketability. Then, if they seem interested, I’ll ask them if I can send them my script.

2.
How will you present yourself and your project to a manager?
I will let them know I’m looking for a manager
to guide my career and that I know they’re the experts in guiding
screenwriters, helping them connect with producers and getting them paid writing
assignments. I’ll also let them know I’m a team player and would love to work
with them to make my pitch the best it can be, so it will appeal to producers.

Then I’ll ask if I can give them my pitch, and if they’re interested, I’ll send
them my script. I’ll also mention that I have several other finished scripts
and I’d love to pitch these concepts to them as well and ask them to read my
other scripts.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Marketable Components

“What I learned doing this assignment is…picking out several components to that fit the 10 marketable components, then elevate those components in my pitch helps me think like a producer and focus on the elements what will sell my script!

1. Tell us your current logline.

Concept: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick a few that have the most potential for selling this script.

B. Great Title: Tara Vs. the Termo-Lites. It’s funny and tells you it’s a spoof and quirky, for the family. I can elevate this title by adding an exclamation point, so it could be: Tara Vs. the Termo-Lites!

E. It’s a first. It’s the first time a teenage girl has to fight off and kill mutant giant termites! I can elevate this idea by saying it’s a 1950s sci-fi movie for the modern age, with the first-of-their-kind mutant giant Termo-Lites!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Project and Market

“What I learned today is…how to put my business hat on and think like a producer, so I create a pitch that will appeal to them and also I learned to look for the most interesting things about my script!

1. Give us your Genre, Title, and Concept.

Genre: Comedy
Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Concept: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

The protagonist is a teenage girl with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs. The setting is unusual: an abandoned 1920s country club and the antagonists are seven foot tall mutant termites!

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

I will target producers first who make family sci-fi comedies in the mid-budget range of $10 to $20 million. I’m picking production companies because I don’t have a manager, yet, and I don’t have contacts, yet, with actor’s production companies. I can find the producers on IMDB pro.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Creating Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is…brainstorming ideas for character and situational irony is easy and fun! All I had to do was look for the opposite and pick my best ideas! Irony makes the characters and situations so much more interesting!

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

LOST | Season 1 | Episode 12

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and notice where irony shows up in this show — both in this episode and throughout the episodes you’ve already seen.

Tell us the irony you have already discovered in the Example Show.

LOST—Situational Irony in Season 1
The passengers crashed on a lovely, tropical island that appears to be paradise, but is filled with dangers from famine and thirst and unknown predators, human and unknown beings.

LOST—Character Irony in Season 1
Jack—surgeon…who’s an alcoholic
Kate—petite woman, who’s a tough explorer
Sawyer—Good looking guy…who’s a thief
Hurley—Fat guy who’s a doer and a helper
Michael—Guy with no parenting experience, suddenly forced to be a Dad to his estranged young son
John—Boring middle-aged bill collector who is a tough survivalist
Sayid—Communications officer who’s really a tough commando who knows how to torture Sawyer

LOST—Character Irony in Episode 12
Kate is pretty and petite, but we find out from a flashback that she was involved in a bank robbery, and one of the robbers who was killed was the man she loved and she killed him!

ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show

1. Look back through your previous assignments and find at least 20 different situations or character components that you could go opposite to create irony.

Character Irony

Genesis (Hero/Main Character) A retired middle-age nurse and property manager who seems to know very little about medicine and property management.

Jake (Main Character) One of Genesis’s tenants who is A teenager who’s a hipster yet doesn’t like modern technology and refuses to have a cell phone.

Pete (Main Character) One of Genesis’ tenants who is a 60-year old handyman who can’t fix much but who looks half his age and claims to have found the fountain of youth.

Wallis (Main Character) One of Genesis’ tenants who is an 80-year old lady who dresses and acts like she’s 25.

Morgan (Main Character) One of Genesis’ tenants who is 25-year old nurse who dresses and acts like she’s 55.

Queen of the Amphibious Sea Monsters (Antagonist) 10,000 years old with lots of tentacles with suckers that don’t work.

Helen (Connected Character) One of Genesis’ tenants who is a 30-something accountant in the town, who can’t balance her checkbook.

Kyle (Connected Character) The town’s 40-something mayor who isn’t honest.

Mike (Connected Character) One of Genesis’ tenants who is a fisherman but can’t swim and has an aversion to water.

Cassie (Connected Character) Genesis’ younger sister, 35, who says the job Genesis is taking over for her, as the new property manager, is a “breeze, like eating a corn dog at Disneyland,” but Genesis finds out it’s not that easy, and starts to take up all her time.

Cassie (Connected Character) also says the town is “like a fluffy lemon meringue pie, something out of your happiest sweet dreams,” but Genesis discovers sinister characters and places that look dangerous, then she must help lead the tenants in their escape from the invading Amphibious Sea Monsters.

Situational Irony

The island is advertised on a sign that says, “A lovely, quiet island, where nothing much happens, the way we like it!” but the place is isolated, scary place that’s invaded by amphibious sea monsters.

Some tenants appear to be friendly to the new property manager, Genesis, but are hiding something from her and the other tenants and she catches them whispering behind her back.

The town’s mayor acts like he’s promoting the town but meets with some shady characters who may not have the town’s best interest at heart.

The Amphibious Sea Monsters invade the town during the annual summer parade, Celebrate the Glories Sea.

The island is called the “safest of all the San Juan Island…yet unbeknownst to the residents, there is an old isolated road with several worn signs with a skull & crossbones that say “DO NOT ENTER! DANGER!

The only way on and off the island is via ferry…but yet, there’s a hidden, abandoned airport…with a new small plane on it.

When it rains, the Amphibious Sea Creatures get hungry and brighter and meaner.

The tenants have been assured by the mysterious owner that she won’t sell the apartment complex, but Genesis finds correspondence from a mysterious buyer who offers a huge amount of money to buy it, which is much more than it’s worth.

The ferry is brand new but suddenly develops holes in the hull and sinks, so they’re stuck on the island because the backup ferry is in for repairs.

The island is touted as having fresh, healthy sea air but a pink and light green mist surrounds the island and people start getting sick from it.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Plot and Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment is…using this method to add intriguing plot and character layers is fun and easy and adds a lot of depth to my show!

LOST | Season 1 | Episode 11

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.

Plot Surface: Jack is a surgeon, who has survived a plane crash and he has a drinking problem. This episode flashes back to Jack’s problems with his father, who is also a surgeon.

Layer 1: Major scheme revealed: Jack’s Dad, also a surgeon, tricked Jack into signing off on a surgery where Jack’s Dad’s patient died.

Layer 2: Mystery revealed: We find out that Jack’s Dad drinks at lunch, while on duty at the hospital.

Layer 3: Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: Jack’s Dad lied about where he was. It turns out he was drinking at lunch.

Layer 4: Major shift in Meaning: Jack’s Dad appears like he has Jack’s best interests at heart, but we find out the Dad can’t be trusted.

Layer 5: Hidden history: Jack’s Dad has a history of alcoholism and drinking while on duty at the hospital.

Layer 6: Hidden plan: Jack’s Dad had a plan to coerce Jack into signing off on a surgery where his Dad screwed up because he was drinking, and the patient died as a result.

Layer 7: Major betrayal: Jack’s Dad lied to Jack and didn’t tell Jack the patient who died was pregnant.

CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.

Character Surface: Jack is a surgeon and a nice guy, who survived a plane crash.

Level 1: Secret identity: Jack is an alcoholic, like his late Dad.

Level 2: Character Intrigue: Jack was in Sydney to find his father, who committed suicide while there.

Level 3: Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Jack’s dad tried to betray him by getting him to sign off on a patient’s death, that was caused by the Dad.

Level 4: Hidden Character History: Jack has a troubled relationship with his Dad, and he is possibly an alcoholic, like his Dad.
Level 5: Wound: Jack’s Dad was aloof emotionally and so is Jack.

ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show

Discover the layers that could exist for your show.

1. Brainstorm a list of possible PLOT layers.

PLOT LAYERS – Story beneath the story.

Plot Surface: An earthquake causes amphibious sea creatures to come onshore and invade a small town’s apartment complex and the residents must fight for their lives.
Layer 1: Major scheme revealed: Genesis, the property manager, took this job that nobody wanted because she’s there to look for hidden treasure on the island.
Layer 2: Mystery revealed: The apartment residents assumed the sea creatures came from a crack in the ocean floor, because of the earthquake, but it’s revealed they’re mutant creatures lying dormant in a sea cave, and were exposed to toxic waste from a government experiment in the 1950s.
Layer 3: Thought the story was one thing, but it is another: We thought Genesis was retiring to write her book, and that’s why she took the job as the property manager, on this small island, but she’s really there to search for hidden treasure.
Layer 4: Major shift in Meaning: After the earthquake, we find out that the amphibious sea creatures have been dormant in a cave on the island and they’ve been exposed to toxic waste and come alive. The island is full of toxic waste.
Layer 5: Hidden history: In the 1950s, the government was using the island to test toxic substances for warfare. Parts of the island aren’t safe, and some sea creatures were exposed to the toxic waste in the 1950s.

Layer 6: Hidden plan: The owner of the apartment complex only hired Genesis to be the manager for one year, and has plans to sell it back to the government, because the government plans to buy back the island and kick everyone off of it.

Layer 7: Major betrayal: Genesis and the tenants find out that they will soon be out of a place to live, if they survive the invasion of the sea creatures!

CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.

Character Surface: Genesis is sweet lady who wants to live a quiet life as the new property manager, but she’s really there to search for hidden treasure.

Level 1: Secret identity: She has a historical as a gambler and is addicted to online gambling. That’s why she moved from Las Vegas to Washington.

Level 2: Character Intrigue: She comes across as a sweet, middle-aged lady who hasn’t made the best choices in men, and now she wants to wash her hands of men and finally write her novel. However, she’s really addicted to something but we’re not sure what it is.

Level 3: Hidden relationships and conspiracies: The previous property manager is her cousin, who left because they suspected the property would be sold soon, but Genesis doesn’t know this.

Level
4: Hidden Character History: Genesis
has been married four times and has a gambling problem and lots of debts. She
left Las Vegas to get away from gambling and casinos, but started online
gambling.
Level 5: Wound: Her parents
abandoned her as a kid and she was raised in foster care. So she is too clingy
and needy with men and drives them away.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Has Incredible Monologues!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…following the monologue requirements helped me rewrite a bland scene and make it great! The process works!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

Tara—Hero

Set-Up: Tara, Meg and Davy have just entered the lobby of the abandoned country club. Tara is uneasy and tries to convince them they should leave right away.

14. INT./LOBBY

The group hears HUMMING and BUZZING. It gets louder. They open the huge door of the main lobby and as they step into a lobby that takes us back to the grandeur of The Great Gatsby, covered in cobwebs and decades of dust.

A gust of wind BLOWS the front door. It SLAMS shut with a BANG! The old room CREAKS and GROANS. Tara jumps and SCREAMS.

TARA
I have a bad feeling! This
isn’t a fun scary place, like
the Haunted Mansion. It’s more
like The House That Dripped Blood!

Meg and Davy LAUGH. Davy rushes around the room, checking it all out.

DAVY
This place is sweet! Let’s stay!
Don’t be a scaredy cat, Tara!

MEG
I wouldn’t call it that. But,
I wouldn’t call it haunted either.

The walls CREAK again. A huge piece of drywall in the dilapidated ceiling breaks free and CRASHES to the ground.

TARA jumps and SCREAMS.

TARA
Cringey! Cringey!

Davy rushes over to examine the piece of drywall on the floor, then does a double take, and touches it.

Something MOVES. Davy’s eyes widen. He flips over a piece of drywall. Oodles of termites scurry out and towards Tara’s feet! She SCREAMS.

DAVY
Cool!

TARA
They’re back to get me!
Like ten years ago…
(pause)
…but this time I’m ten years older!

Tara springs towards the front door and trips over some old cobwebbed boxes, filled with china and cutlery. CRASH! THUD!

TARA
UGH

Davy helps her up. She pats him on the head and runs out the door, motioning for Meg and Davy to follow.

Demanded by the situation: When the piece of drywall falls from the ceiling, the Meg and Davy aren’t concerned, but Tara is worried about the safety of the building.

Takes us to a deeper place: Tara hints at a time years ago when she felt unsafe and how this place makes her feel “shaky.”

Turning point: The termites scurry out from inside the broken up piece of drywall. Tara says she’s glad she followed her gut feelings, and says they should leave now!

Emotional: Tara screams and shrinks back and cowers like a child when she sees the termites.

High stakes: The whole roof could cave in on them!

Beginning: A gust of wind slams the front door shut as they enter the main entrance, and this causes or triggers a loose piece of dry wall to fall from the ceiling.

Middle: Tara hints about her past, facing bugs, and says they don’t want to go through what she went through ten years before. Davy laughs at her for being a scaredy cat and Meg chides her for being such a baby. Tara warns them that this place could hide unknown dangers. At the very least, she says it’s unstable and ready to be condemned!

End: Davy laughs and kicks the piece drywall. A bunch of termites scurry off of the piece of drywall and Tara screams. The group sees Tara’s point and they run outside.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty is great at Subtext Pointers!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding subtext pointers is challenging, fun and adds a lot of meaning to the scene!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

4. Make a list of your 5 favorite Subtext Pointer changes and for each one, tell us:

Before lines:

2. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Big Betty shakes off dust and debris and does a little dance. She files her nails with a cheese grater until they’re a sharp point and then munches on a piece of moldy cheese.

She puts on bright lipstick and kisses a mirror. She touches up her bright blue foot tall beehive and admires herself.

BIG BETTY
You look fab-u-lous! Just fab-u-lous!

After lines/subtext pointer method: Metaphor

2. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Big Betty shakes off dust and debris and does a little dance. She files her nails with a cheese grater until they’re a sharp point and then munches on a piece of moldy cheese.

She puts on bright lipstick and kisses a mirror. She touches up her bright blue foot tall beehive and admires herself.

BIG BETTY
You look fab-u-lous! The Marilyn Monroe of
termites!

Before lines:

3. EXT./INT. CAR – SAN DIEGO – POINT LOMA – DAY

TARA BARKER, 18, an attractive, athletic surfer girl, cruises along a San Diego street. A surfboard is strapped to the roof of her 1970s station wagon. She enjoys the summer sunshine and jams to the radio as she SINGS along.

She flips on her blinker and turns left, then right and slows her car to a curb. She looks around. This doesn’t look familiar. Lost again! She sighs and LAUGHS at herself.

TARA
Come on, girl! You can’t be
lost again! In your own
neighborhood!

She rolls her eyes, CHUCKLES and smiles and pokes at a bobble head on her dashboard that’s dressed in a cap and gown. A little label says CONGRATS HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE!

TARA
Whoo-hoo! I earned it, baby!

After lines/subtext pointer method: Sarcasm/Metaphor

3. EXT./INT. CAR – SAN DIEGO – POINT LOMA – DAY

TARA BARKER, 18, an attractive, athletic surfer girl, cruises along a San Diego street. A surfboard is strapped to the roof of her 1970s station wagon. She enjoys the summer sunshine and jams to the radio as she SINGS along.

She flips on her blinker and turns left, then right and slows her car to a curb. She looks around. This doesn’t look familiar. Lost again! She sighs and LAUGHS at herself.

TARA
Come on, girl! What are you?
On that old show Lost In Space?

She rolls her eyes, CHUCKLES and smiles and pokes at a bobble head on her dashboard that’s dressed in a cap and gown. A little label says CONGRATS HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE!

TARA
Whoo-hoo! I earned it, baby!

Before lines:

RESIDENTIAL SIDESTREET

TARA
No problem. You’re back on track.
Just a little detour, that’s
all. You’ll be home soon.

After lines/subtext pointer method: Sarcasm

RESIDENTIAL SIDESTREET

TARA
Just a little detour. You’re back
on track, girl. After all, you’ve only
driven this route a million and one times.

Before lines:

OFFICER MENDEZ
(into cell phone)
Hello. Mrs. Barker. It’s Officer
Mendez. Ummm…yeah, Tara’s okay.
She’s up a tree…
(pause)….again. She’ll call
you back.

After lines/subtext pointer method: Sarcasm/Metaphor

OFFICER MENDEZ
(into cell phone)
Hello. Mrs. Barker. It’s Officer
Mendez. Ummm…yeah, Tara’s okay.
Let’s just say she’s lost in a
found world.

Before lines:

The three look around the room. Tara walks over to the potted plants. Something squiggles around on the ground. She looks behind the plant. Termites crawl on the floor and start to crawl up the wall. Tara shivers.

TARA
Ugh. I hate termites.

After lines/subtext pointer method: Allusion

The three look around the room. Tara walks over to the potted plants. Something squiggles around on the ground. She looks behind the plant. Termites crawl on the floor and start to crawl up the wall. Tara shivers.

TARA
Ugh. Somethings you just can’t get
away from!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Loves Covering Subtext!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding covering subtext dialogue is fun and easy and adds more depth to each scene!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

Your goal: Build subtext dialogue into any scenes that you can.

I added subtext dialogue by having Davy make a joke of not even trying to slink away from his grandmother, Meg’s watchful eyes.

27. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM/MAKESHIFT LABORATORY

Davy sniffs the air and smiles. Something smells good. He starts to walk away.

DAVY
I know chocolate when I smell it.

Meg sees him out of the corner of her eye.

MEG
I see you, Davy. Don’t walk away.

DAVY
No problemo, Grans. I know you got eyeballs
the size of grapefruits on the back of your head.

Meg smiles and nods at Davy, then turns back to Tara and they get busy examining the makeshift laboratory and they don’t pay much attention to Davy. Davy grins and slinks away.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Everyone!

I have a family sci-fi comedy. I’m working on the 2nd draft, and with the high-speed writing techniques, I will be able to finish my fourth draft by tomorrow, Thurs, March 2, if anyone would like to partner up? Thanks!

Leona

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Big Picture Open Loops

What I learned doing this assignment is…open loop questions are great because they help me think about the future of my plot and how the season will flow and end.

LOST | Season 1 | Episode 10

ASSIGNMENT 1

1. Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the Big Picture open loops that were established early in the season.

Why did their plane crash?
Will they be rescued?
How will Jack lead the group to survive?
Will Jack and Kate get together?
Is someone or something else living on the island?
Is the island haunted?
What or who is the predator that’s hunting them?
How will they be rescued?
How long will they be on the island?

2. Watch the next episode and see how those open loops are being used to create the need to see future episodes.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Why did their plane crash? We still don’t know, but the pilot said it veered off course.

Will they be rescued? We still don’t know.
How will Jack lead the group to survive? Not sure!
Will Jack and Kate get together? Not sure.
Is someone or something else living on the island? Sayid says there’s another lady who has been on the island for 16 years.
Is the island haunted? We know Jack’s Dad’s ghost is there!
What or who is the predator that’s hunting them? We don’t know!
How will they be rescued? We don’t know.
How long will they be on the island? We don’t know.

ASSIGNMENT 2

1. Use this list to brainstorm big picture open loops for your first season that you will use to keep the audience captivated.

GOALS:

New
goals? How will Genesis and the group
survive the sea monsters?

Goals
related to the big picture? Killing
the sea monsters, re-establishing communication with the main land to be
rescued.

Crushed
goals? Trying to communicate with the
mainland but the cell towers are blown down from the storm.

Competition
/ conflict around goals? Genesis
doesn’t want to go out of the complex and fight the sea creatures, but the
others say they have no choice, or the sea creatures will come for them!

CONSEQUENCES:

Are
they going to be caught? They
will be chased and harassed and threatened when they try to escape the sea
creatures and then try to kill them.

Problems
created from past actions? Genesis
tries to hide when she sees the sea creatures from afar, via Jake’s
telescope. She wastes time and doesn’t work on a plan of action until it’s
forced upon her that they have to do something because the sea creatures
are heading their way!

Good
plans gone wrong? Genesis has
a plan that they can take some boats and leave the island, but the boats
have all sunk in the recent storm.

SOLVING PROBLEMS:

What
is the major problem for this character? Genesis needs to lead the group to escape from the
amphibious sea creatures….and later, to fight them!

What
are they trying to solve? How
to kill the amphibious sea monsters. What is there major weakness?

Major
change imposed on character? Genesis
is forced to deal with her claustrophobia and she has to overcome it and
crawl into small spaces to try to escape the sea monsters and then later,
to fight them.

Previous
solutions cause new problems? Genesis
wastes time trying to avoid the reality of the sea creatures, who are
heading their way. Her past solution of putting her head in the sand when
facing problems isn’t working anymore!

RELATIONSHIPS:

Relationships
in peril? Genesis is the new property
manager and the tenants don’t like her because the regular manager, her
sister, was well-liked and knew what she is doing. Genesis doesn’t have
any experience with this job and she’s just filling in for her sister, who’s
on vacation, so she’s putting the tenants’ relationship with her sister in
dangers. The tenants don’t like Genesis, so they’re not willing to listen
to her or follow her leadership at first.

New
relationships forming? Genesis
aligns with Jake at the start, because she needs him to help with all the reconnaissance
work, looking for the sea creatures. Pete aligns with Morgan at first,
because he thinks Morgan is much smarter and braver than Genesis.

Conflict
inside relationships? None of the
tenants really like Genesis because she can’t measure up to the regular
manager, her younger sister, and they think Genesis is lazy and a coward.

Relationships
changing? The tenants start out not
liking or trusting Genesis, but over the season, they grow to trust her
and eventually love her.

DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:

Can
they survive X? They will survive the
amphibious sea creatures….barely!

Putting
themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions? The group will be in constant danger of being eaten
alive by the sea creatures or taken to their “lair,” a sea cave, where
they will be eaten later on during a summer solstice party.

Who
else is pulled into their danger?
All of the tenants will eventually be threatened by the sea creatures.

Internal
dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)? Genesis has a drinking problem. Jake is addicted to
Oreo cookies and has to have them every day to function.

2. Tell us your top 5-8 Big Picture Open Loops that could be in your pilot.

How did the sea creatures come to the surface of the ocean?
How are the sea creatures also amphibious?
Are the sea creatures mutants from the 1950s government experiments or exposure to radioactivity?
Will Genesis and the group survive the attack of the sea creatures?
Will Genesis figure out a way to fight the sea creatures?
Will Genesis and the group be rescued from the island?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Show Mysteries

What I learned doing this assignment is…it’s easy and fun to create mysteries by acting like an investigative reporter and asking the questions!

LOST | Season 1 | Episode 9

ASSIGNMENT 1

Big Picture Mysteries: Who is the mysterious woman that Sayid met on the other side of the island and why is she there? What else is Sayid hiding from his past?

Smaller Mysteries
Who left the golf clubs? Were they already there or did they belong to a passenger on their plane?

ASSIGNMENT 2

Create two mysteries for your show — one that shows up strong in the Pilot and the other that is revealed over time.

1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

A. Shocking Event: There is an earthquake and Genesis and the gang’s island is invaded by amphibious sea creatures.

B. Secret: Genesis took the property manager job to look for hidden treasure on the island.

C. Investigation:

WHO: Genesis, Jake, Pete, Morgan and Wallis, the tenants
WHAT: An invasion of amphibious sea creatures on the island and apartment complex.
WHERE: An isolated island, one of the San Juan Islands, off the coast of Washington State
WHEN: Present day

WWWWW and How:

Part Withheld:

HOW: When the earthquake happens, the amphibious sea creatures emerge from a crack in the ocean floor.
WHY: The amphibious sea creatures were accidentally created in the 1950s, by a government experiment with radioactive material, when a lizard was exposed to it, then it mated with a sea creature.

2. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.

A. Cover up: Genesis is the property manager, but she took the job to hunt for hidden treasure.

B. Secret: Genesis is broke and has a gambling problems. She has become obsessed with a legend of lost treasure on the island and is determined to find it.

C. Reveals:

WWWWW and How:

WHO: Genesis-Hero/Property Manager
WHAT: Genesis reluctantly leads the tenants to fight off the invading amphibious sea creatures.
WHERE: On this island.
WHEN: Over one week on the island, after the earthquake and invasion of the amphibious sea creatures.

Part Withheld:

HOW: Her sister got her the job as the property manager, and they’re both working together to find the lost treasure. Her sister is hiding out on the island.
WHY: Genesis is broke and needs the money and is running from creditors.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Show Empathy/Distress

What I learned doing this assignment is…creating empathy and distress adds a lot of depth and emotion to my TV show and the more I put my characters in challenging situations, the more interesting the show becomes!

LOST | Season 1 | Episode 8

ASSIGNMENT 1

1. Watch the next episode of your Example Show and focus on the Empathy/Distress that shows up in this episode and throughout the season so far.

Empathy: We worry that Sawyer will be stubborn and not tell Sayid and Jack where they can find Shannon’s asthma medication, and then Sayid will torture him. We cringe when Sawyer is being tortured. We worry when Shannon has difficulty breathing and we fear she will die.

Distress: Sawyer is being tortured by Sayid. Shannon is dying from an asthma attack.

2. Notice the difference between Big Picture Empathy/Distress and detail oriented Empathy/Distress. Big Picture will have an impact across multiple episodes.

Big Picture Empathy/Distress: We worry if the stranded passengers will ever make it off the island and if they’ll even survive being lost on an unknown and mysterious and dangerous island.

They’re in distress when they’re running out of water and when they are injured. We also know something evil is lurking on the island and stalking them and we worry they will be killed, captured and/or injured by this unknown being.

Detail-oriented Empathy/Distress: Sawyer is tortured and Shannon has an asthma attack. We worry about Sawyer’s pain and we worry that Shannon will die from the attack.

ASSIGNMENT 2

1. Make a list of BIG PICTURE difficult situations and decisions your characters could make because of the main conflict of this series.

They have to decide whether to hide from the amphibious sea creatures or stand and fight back.

They have to decide who will stay behind in the rec room and guard the children and pets and who will go and fight the sea creatures.

Who will be the leader of the group that fights the sea creatures.

Just ask: “Knowing the concept, what are the big picture Empathy/Distress situations that could occur?”

A. Undeserved misfortune. Due to an earthquake in the ocean, Genesis and the gang are forced to deal with an invasion of amphibious sea creatures into their apartment complex and they have to fight them off to stay alive.

B. External Character conflicts. Genesis and Pete constantly pick at each other and try to one-up each other. Morgan constantly teases Jake and this causes distress for Genesis, because it brings back bad memories.

Jake puts Morgan down and tells her she’s not a good “babysitter” and only cares about herself. Wallis puts everyone down and looks down on the group as a bunch of “crullers” or losers.

Genesis doesn’t trust Pete because she finds out he was kicked off the police force. Pete doesn’t trust Genesis because he finds out she’s in debt and has a gambling problems.

Genesis doesn’t think she can rely on Jake because of his addictions and he doesn’t trust any of the adults because his parents “betrayed” him and forced him into rehab.

C. Plot intruding on life. They are happy in their apartment complex and just getting used to their new property manager, Genesis, when there’s an earthquake in the ocean, which splits open the ocean floor and amphibious sea creatures from deep below swim up, then swim to shore and invade their complex.

D. Moral dilemmas. Wallis wants to fight the sea creatures and doesn’t want to stay behind to care for the kids and pets because she’s “not a kid or pet person,” but she stays behind because someone has to do it, while the others fight off the sea creatures. Genesis throws Jake in the water and tells him to “sink or swim.”

E. Forced decisions they’d never make. Genesis and the group have to leave Morgan behind at the tennis court when Morgan breaks her leg and is slowing their progress.

Genesis and the gang have to leave the kids and pets behind with only Wallis to guard them, because they know they can’t find the sea creatures with the kids and pets in tow, but they’re worried the sea creatures will sneak up and attack the kids and pets from behind the complex.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Show Relationship Map

What I learned doing this assignment is…the TV Relationship Map is a useful tool to help me discover the relationships between the Hero and three main characters and add layers of subtext to their relationship. It’s a great tool and it works!

LOST | Season 1 | Episode 7
Jack—Hero/Leader/Surgeon

LOST—TV RELATIONSHIP MAP

Jack’s Relationship Map With Kate

Surface: Friends/Love Interest
Common Ground: Plane Crash Survivor
Conflict: They argue a lot; Jack won’t open up emotionally to her
History: None
Subtext: Attracted to each other
Relationship Arc: From never been to the cave to visits the cave and helps rescue him from the cave

Jack’s Relationship Map With Michael
Surface: Friends
Common Ground: Plane Crash Survivor
Conflict: NONE
History: NONE
Subtext: NONE
Relationship Arc: From little involvement with Jack to organizing his rescue from the cave-in.

Jack’s Relationship Map With Charlie
Surface: Friends
Common Ground: Plane Crash Survivor
Conflict: He hides his addiction but
Jack suspects he’s an addict
History: NONE
Subtext: Feels inferior to Jack
Relationship Arc: From not letting anyone help him to letting Jack help him
detox.

ASSIGNMENT 2

MY SHOW—TV RELATIONSHIP MAP

Genesis’s Relationship Map with Jake

Surface: Both are Tenants/Genesis is the property manager
Common Ground: Like classic rock; live in same complex
Conflict: He won’t listen to her. She thinks he’s spoiled and lazy.
History: Genesis’s sister was the previous property manager
Subtext: She knows he’s addicted to something. He knows she’s broke.
Relationship Arc: From disliking each to admiring each other.

Genesis’s Relationship Map with Pete

Surface: Both are Tenants/Genesis is the property manager
Common Ground: Middle-Age; live in same complex; like old movies
Conflict: He thinks she’s clueless. She thinks he’s a jerk.
History: Genesis’s sister was the previous property manager; they went to same high school
Subtext: Attracted to each other. Both know the other was fired from their jobs.
Relationship Arc: From arguing all the time to respecting each other and falling in love.

Genesis’s Relationship Map with Morgan

Surface: Both are Tenants/Genesis is the property manager
Common Ground: Live in same complex; unhappy with career
Conflict: She thinks Genesis is a loser. Genesis thinks she’s too prissy.
History: Genesis’s sister was the previous property manager
Subtext: She thinks she’s better than Genesis. Genesis thinks she’s a useless millennial brat
Relationship Arc: From not liking each other to trusting and admiring each other.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Character Emotions

“What I learned doing this assignment is…adding layers of emotions to my characters’ profiles makes them much more interesting and adds lots of depth too.

ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show

Watch the next episode of your Example Show and create an Emotional Profile for two or three main characters in this show.

LOST | Season 1 | Episode 6

Jack—Hero/Leader/Surgeon

A. Situational: Hope: To get off the island
Fear: Run out of water and die

B. Motivation: Want: To find water and shelter
Need: To prove he can lead and he’s brave after all

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Insecurity Public Mask: Leader, Brave warrior

D. Weaknesses: Alcoholic, can’t share his past with Kate

E. Triggers: ?

F. Coping Mechanism: Goes off by himself during emotional situations

Kate—Jack’s love interest & helper

A. Situational: Hope: To get off the island
Fear: To be recaptured and brought to justice

B. Motivation: Want: To be loved Need: To be understood

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Hurt
Public Mask: Tough girl, very independent

D. Weaknesses: Trust issues

E. Triggers: ?

F. Coping Mechanism? Sarcasm & humor

ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show

1. For each of your main characters, brainstorm an Emotional Profile,
filling in the following:

Genesis—Hero/Property Manager

A. Situational: Hope: To defeat the sea monsters
Fear: They will die alone on the island

B. Motivation: Want: To find the hidden treasure Need: Security

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Sadness
Public Mask: Uncaring & aloof

D. Weaknesses: Overeats/food addiction & claustrophobia

E. Triggers: Bullies people/pushy

F. Coping Mechanism: Sarcasm

Jake—Genesis’s helper/teenage drug addict

A. Situational: Hope: To stay alive
Fear: He will be killed by the sea monsters

B. Motivation: Want: Friends Need: Unconditional love from his family

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Anger Public Mask: Selfish slacker

D. Weaknesses: Fear of heights

E. Triggers: ?

F. Coping Mechanism: Jokes all the time

Morgan—Jake’s older sister/nurse/Genesis’s helper

A. Situational: Hope: To get off the island alive
Fear: Being killed by the sea monsters

B. Motivation: Want: Freedom/Independence
Need: Validation from her parents

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Anger
Public Mask: Perfection, judgmental

D. Weaknesses: Insecure

E. Triggers: Lazy people, like her brother, Jake

F. Coping Mechanism: Snaps at people

Pete—Handyman/Genesis’s helper & love interest
A. Situational: Hope: To survive the sea monster invasion
Fear: Being killed by the sea monsters

B. Motivation: Want: To find the hidden treasure
Need: Atone for his sins

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Disappointment
Public Mask: Cynical/Aloof

D. Weaknesses: Afraid of water, can’t swim

E. Triggers: Smart aleck kids and teenagers

F. Coping Mechanism: Withdraws and drinks

Wallis—Genesis’s helper/retired Air Force Officer

A. Situational: Hope: To make it off the island alive
Fear: Being killed by the sea monster

B. Motivation: Want: To build a luxury resort on the island
Need: To be remembered/leave a legacy

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: Melancholy
Public Mask: Bright/always cheerful

D. Weaknesses: Smoking/chain smoker

E. Triggers: Indecisive people

F. Coping Mechanism: She’s super prickly & defensive

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Intriguing Character Layers

What I learned doing this assignment is…adding layers of intrigue to my characters is fun and makes them so much more interesting! Even secondary support characters can have lots of intrigue!

ASSIGNMENT 1

1. Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character Intrigue in the previous episodes.

Example Show: LOST | Season 1 | Episodes 1-4

Jack: Main Character/Hero

Intrigue: Jack was injured in the crash, has a drinking problem and doesn’t want to join the others during the memorial service for the crash victims.

Kate: Main Character/Jack’s love interest & helper

Intrigue: Kate was a prisoner of a U.S. Marshal on the flight that crashed into the island. She is also very brave and knows how to climb high trees and use guns and knives.

2. Watch the next episode and see how Character Intrigue is being used to create the need to see more episodes.
Example Show: LOST | Season 1 | Episode 5

Character Name: Jack
Intrigue: Why is he so haunted?
Role: Hero/Leader/surgeon
Hidden Agenda: To find his dead father’s ghost, whose body was traveling on the plane when it crashed on the island
Competition: ?
Conspiracies: ?
Secrets: His father’s body was onboard the plane when it crashed, he has a drinking problem, like his father and is haunted from his childhood
Deception: He hasn’t told anyone that he sees his dead father’s ghost on the island.
Wound: Not being able to fight off a bully when he was a kid and stop another bully from beating up his friend.
Secret Identity: He doesn’t believe he’s the leader that the group thinks he is.

Character Name: Kate: Jack’s love interest & helper
Intrigue: What is she on the run from the law?
Role: Jack’s helper & love interest
Hidden Agenda: ?
Competition: She fights with Sawyer on how things should be done on the island
Conspiracies: She and Sayer have a secret past together…he says it’s been four years since they’ve been together.
Secrets: She’s a fugitive from the U.S. Marshals and she was arrested by the Marshal who died after the crash
Deception: By omission—the other passengers think she’s wholesome but she’s got a dark past and she’s a fugitive from justice
Wound: Something from her past made her leave Canada and go to Australia to go on the road.
Secret Identity: She’s a fugitive from justice, on the run

ASSIGNMENT 2

1. For your Inner Circle characters, fill in any of the Intrigue items that apply.

Character Name: Genesis
Role: Hero/Leader/Property Manager
Hidden agendas: She’s really there to look for hidden treasure, she plans to quit her new property manager job as soon as she finds it.
Competition: ?
Conspiracies: ?
Secrets: She has a gambling problem and was fired from her accounting job for stealing from the firm; she took the new job as property manager because she’s broke and wants to look for hidden treasure
Deception: She tells the tenants she’s wealthy and took the job to give her sister, the former property manager, a break from the job for one year to travel the world, but her sister got her the job as a favor from their old boss.
Wound: Her husband left her because of her gambling problem
Secret Identity: She thinks of herself as the new middle-aged female Indiana Jones and lives in a fantasy world.

Character Name: Jake
Role: Genesis’s teenage helper/Morgan’s younger brother
Hidden agendas: ?
Competition: With Morgan, his older sister, on how to do things, who’s better at doing things and who their parents love more
Conspiracies: ?
Secrets: Hidden drug problem, OCD
Deception: Hiding drugs, kicked out of school recently for cheating
Wound: His parents left him with Morgan, his older sister, when they left for the summer to travel the world, because they’re sick of dealing with him.
Secret Identity: ?

Character Name: Pete
Role: Genesis’s helper/Handyman/Love interest
Hidden agendas: He’s also looking for the same lost treasure that Genesis is looking for on the island
Competition: With Genesis on how to do things
Conspiracies: ?
Secrets: He’s a former cop who got kicked off the force for dealing drugs to other cops and being “on the take” with local drug dealers
Deception: He tries to lead the group away from the buried treasure, so they won’t find it and he can look for it on his own
Wound: His wife left him and took their kids when he got kicked oft the force for dealing drugs to other cops and being “on the take” with local drug dealers.
Secret Identity: The Dealer of Davenport Lane

Character Name: Morgan
Role: Genesis’s helper/nurse/Jake’s older sister and guardian
Hidden agendas: Get her parents to move back and take responsibility for Jake so she can leave him and get off the island and on with her life.
Competition: With Wallis, who tries to boss her around, and who their parents love more
Conspiracies: ?
Secrets: She got accepted to medical school in Australia and she’s moving there in the fall but Jake and their parents don’t know it yet.
Deception: Jake and their parents think she’s staying on the island forever because she just got a promotion as an ICU charge nurse, but she’s really leaving to go to medical school in Australia
Wound: She was kicked off the Olympic Ski Team for taking performance enhancing drugs seven years before, at age 20, and has never forgiven herself.
Secret Identity: She’s living in the past, she is an Olympic gold medalist in her own mind.

Character Name: Wallis
Role: Genesis’s helper & guide and wise sage/retired Air Force Officer
Hidden agendas: Wants to fix up the apartment complex and sell it.
Competition: ?
Conspiracies:?
Secrets: She is the new owner of the apartment complex and she plans to fix it up and sell it.
Deception: She acts like just another renter, like the rest of them, but she is the new owner of the complex
Wound: She never married and is bitter and lonely because she was dumped by an officer when she served as an officer in Viet Nam
Secret Identity: New owner of apartment complex

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Engaging Main Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is…using the Engaging Main Characters tool helped me start to flesh out the big picture ideas of who my main characters are and their motivation.

Example Show: LOST | Season 1, Episode 4

Jack: Main Character

A. Role in the show: A surgeon with a troubled past who saves the lives of hurt passengers after the crash and leads the group.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Purpose: Find a way to be rescued off the island
Expertise: Surgeon who saves lives

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Why is he afraid of joining the others in the memorial service?

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Burning the bodies left inside the fuselage.

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Why did he help build the fire to burn the bodies but walks away from the memorial service?

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Undeserved misfortune of the plane crash

Kate: Jack’s love interest

A. Role in the show: Kate is a 30-something escaped convict who is fearless and helps Jack.

B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Unique Purpose: Helps Jack and the others find a way off the island
Expertise: Athletic and fearless

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Why was she the U.S. Marshall’s prisoner?

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
They have run out of food and she’s a vegetarian. Will she eat wild boar?

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
She suddenly climbs a tree to try to secure a transponder at the top of it.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Undeserved misfortune of plane crash and possibly wrongfully convicted of a crime

ASSIGNMENT 2

1. Tell us the journey of your show. The tenants and the property manager start out safe then have to fight for their lives and end up as fearless warriors, safer, stronger and wiser.

2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?

Genesis and Josh

3. Answer these questions for each of those characters.
A. Role in the show:
Genesis: Reluctant Hero, middle-aged burned out property managers who was fired from her city job and is desperate for employment.
Josh: Selfish, rebellious teenager who doesn’t care about helping anyone.
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:

Genesis: Purpose: To lead the group in their fight against the amphibious monsters. Expertise: Expert marksman.
Josh: Purpose: To be Genesis’s right-hand man/helper. Expertise: Excellent surfer and swimmer.

C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Genesis: She has a gambling problem and lost all her savings in a poker game and is a thief.
Josh: He is hiding a drug problem

D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Genesis: Is it OK to break into off-limits buildings? Is it OK to take action and not wait for law enforcement, who promised to be there soon? Is it OK to ask a teenager to risk his life to save the group? Is it OK to steal stuff of value from the complexes?
Josh: Is it OK to do drugs to relieve anxiety? Is it OK to ignore others’ cries for help? Is it OK to try to run away and save only yourself?

E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Genesis: She tries to run away from the amphibious sea monster, then comes back to help the others left behind.
Josh: He tries to swim away and leave the others to save himself.

F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Genesis: Middle-aged, disillusioned with life and undeserved misfortune of earthquake and be hunted
by amphibious sea monsters.
Josh: Troubled teenager struggling with drug addiction after the death of
his father and undeserved misfortune of earthquake and be hunted by amphibious
sea monsters.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Three Circles of Characters

“What I learned doing this assignment is…using the visual diagram of the three circles for my characters really helps me keep track of them and how they relate to each other and the plot. It’s a great tool!

ASSIGNMENT 1:

Watch the next episode of your Example Show to see how the characters fit into these three circles:

Example Show: LOST

A. Main Characters Circle: Jack (hero), Kate, Charlie, Sawyer, Hurley, Sayid

B. Connected Circle: Sun-Hwa, Jin-Soo, John, Claire, Shannon, Walt, Rose, Marshal Edward Mars, Captain Gault, Michael, Boone

C. Environment Circle: Flight Attendants, Passengers (extras)

ASSIGNMENT 2:

1. Create the three circles of characters for your show.

A. Main Characters Circle: Genesis (hero), Pete (handyman), Josh (teenager), Wallis (elderly lady), Morgan (young lady); Main Amphibious Sea Monster

B. Connected Circle: Helen, Clara, Sarah, Kyle, Foxy Lady, Mike, Stone, Stanley, Becca

C. Environment Circle: Tenants in other complexes, firefighters, EMTs, police, townspeople (extras)

2. Give us a one sentence description of each of the Main Characters.

Genesis (Hero): Middle-Aged burned out, out of shape property manager who just wants peace and quiet.

Pete (handyman): 70-year old retired contractor who can fix anything and loves a challenge.

Josh (teenager): Junior in high school who is heading down the wrong path.

Wallis: 85-year old lady with more energy and spirit than people half her age, including Genesis.

Morgan: 20-something nurse who is a workaholic with no life.

Main Amphibious Sea Monster (Name?): 50,000 years old, makes the Kraken look like a friendly dolphin.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s 5 Star Model

Example Show: Lost

What I learned doing this assignment is… this show was a binge worthy hit because it meets the requirements of the 5 Star Model. There are so many layers to the plot and each character has subtext or secrets they’re hiding from the others. If I can master the 5 Star Model with my new show idea, I can also have a hit show like Lost!

2. From that, make a list of the 5 Star Points for that show.

1. Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show? Passengers on an airplane crash into a deserted south sea island….but they are not alone! Something or someone is trying to kill them!

2. Amazing and Intriguing Character
Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting? Jack, the surgeon, is resilient, strong, brave and kind, but he was injured in the crash and has a drinking problem.

3. Empathy / Distress
Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character? We worry that his wounds will get infected and we worry if he will survive and why he is an alcoholic.

4. Layers / Open Loops
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?

Why is Jack an alcoholic?

Why was Kate a prisoner being transported by a U.S. Marshall?

Is Sayid really a terrorist and did he bring down the plane?

Why is Sawyer so angry and sinister?

Why is Sun-Hua Kwon being controlled by Jin-Soo Kwon?

What or who is trying to kill them?

Why is this island so spooky and dangerous?

What went on, on this island, in the past?

Is this island a secret government facility?

Why would a polar beat be in a south pacific island?

Will Walt’s dog survive?

5. Inviting Obsession
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode? We need to see who will survive because we have empathy for the passengers and sorry about them. We know they each have secrets and we want to discover the answers to what they’re hiding from the others and why. We want to know who is trying to kill them and why and what is this island hiding? What’s really going on, on this mysterious island?

[Leona Heraty]

1. Leona Heraty

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

+1

[Leona Heraty]

1. Name? Leona Heraty
2. How many scripts you’ve written? I’ve written 2 feature scripts and I’m finishing up writing my third feature script in the Writing Incredible Movies (WIM) course.

3. What you hope to get out of the class? I would love to learn all I can about how to write a binge worthy TV series and the in’s and out’s of writing for TV in general! This will be a fun class!

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I love to volunteer for animal rescue groups. I plan to start volunteering for a horse, donkey and farm animal rescue, Laughing Pony Rescue, in Rancho Santa Fe, CA, this Spring. Helping animals, great movies and my faith in God bring me so much joy!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Loves Anticipatory Dialogue

What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding anticipatory dialogue makes the lines and the scene much richer and more fun to write and read!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)

Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

3. For any scenes that don’t have anticipatory dialogue, use one of these methods to rewrite or add a line.

Direct Predictions

OLD VERSION

10. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Tara arrives at the garden club in her station wagon. The garden club is a small Tiki hut thatched with palm fronds.

Tara’s Mom and Dad come out of the thatched hut and rush up to Tara.

JOAN
Thank you so much, sweetie! We owe you one!

Tara looks at Tad, who is passed out drunk on the front seat of his van. She rolls her eyes and SNICKERS.

TARA
I’ll say you do, Mom. You know how I go
into withdrawals. It’s not healthy.

KENT
True. But not going on the Haunted
Mansion at Disneyland isn’t exactly
like the D-T’s.

Kent gestures towards the Tad. They walk closer to the van and Tara peers inside at the passed out drunk.

TARA
If I don’t get my Haunted
Mansion fix, I just start wearing my
Minnie Mouse ears twenty-four-seven.
I’ll even sleep with them. Can’t be
helped.

Tara pulls her Minnie Mouse ears out of her backpack and puts them on.

MEG, 70, an old hippie chick, and Davy’s grandmother, comes outside of the hut with her grandson, Davy. She peaks in the van too and shrugs and smiles.

MEG
That’s my new boyfriend, Tad.
I was hoping he would be more…
(pause)
…productive than the last one
Jerry.

TARA
Oh, I remember Jerry. The guy
who never left his house. He had
some kind of weird business.

MEG
Well, it wasn’t that weird.

TARA
He made little houses out of
popsicle sticks. How can anybody
make a living doing that? I really
think you need to upgrade your choice
in boyfriends, Meg.

JOAN
Tara, how rude! Apologize at once!
You’re eighteen. You know very little
about relationships and the world in
general.

Tara hugs Meg.

TARA
I’m sorry, Meg. That was rude.
I just think you deserve better
than a lush and a popsicle dude.

KENT
She’s right, Meg. We all hope you
get a good man someday.

TARA
You better hurry up, Meg. You’re
no spring chicken.

KENT
Tara, you’re so rude. What’s gotten
in to you today?

TARA
Sorry, Meg. Let’s just say I didn’t
get my fix at the Happiest Place on Earth.

KENT
Well, we don’t have time to
waste. We need to get a move
on…
(pause)
…Tara, your Mom and I are
going to each be driving a
group. You can take your
golf cart if you want.

MEG
Thanks for helping us out,
Tara. I would drive the van,
but I’ve got cataracts…
(pause)
…I’m having surgery soon, but I
just don’t see that well.

DAVY
(to Tara)
See, I told you I was going on
the garden tour.

TARA
Why me? Ugh.

Kent hands the tour map to Tara.

KENT
Here. There are ten houses on
each route. But we’re spacing
them out by having each group
visit the houses in different
orders.

DAVY
Grandma Meg, why don’t didn’t
you guys just hire a bus and
everyone go together?

MEG
Well, it’s a long story.

JOAN
Well, some of the roads to
these old houses turns into
really narrow lanes. They’re
too narrow for a bus…
(pause)
…And, we wanted to space it
out so all fifty members don’t
descend on one house at a time.

DAVY
I guess that makes sense. Tara,
can I drive the golf cart?

JOAN/KENT/MEG/TARA
NO!

Davy frowns and pouts.

DAVY
Not even in the drive way here?

JOAN/KENT/MEG/TARA
NO!

MEG
Sorry, Davy. You gotta get
a license first.

NEW VERSION

10. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Tara arrives at the garden club in her station wagon. The garden club is a small Tiki hut thatched with palm fronds.

Tara’s Mom and Dad come out of the thatched hut and rush up to Tara.

JOAN
We owe you one, sweetie.
The check’s in the mail.

Tara looks at Tad, who is passed out drunk on the front seat of his van. She rolls her eyes and SNICKERS.

TARA
Let’s hope it covers the cost of my
therapy. I’m gonna need it ‘cause you
you know I go into withdrawals if I
don’t get my fix. It’s not healthy.

KENT
You’ll be fine. Not going on the Haunted
Mansion at Disneyland once a month isn’t
exactly the D-T’s.

Kent gestures towards the Tad. They walk closer to the van and Tara peers inside at the passed out drunk.

TARA
It is for me. If I don’t get my monthly
fix, you know what happens.

JOAN
You’ll wear you Minnie Mouse ears
twenty-four-seven.

KENT
We know. You’ve been doing it since
you were five. It’s happened before……
(pause)
…and it’ll happen again. Soon.

Tara grins, then pulls her Minnie Mouse ears out of her backpack and puts them on.

MEG, 70, an old hippie chick, and Davy’s grandmother, comes outside of the hut with her grandson, Davy. She peaks in the van too and shrugs and smiles.

MEG
That’s my new boyfriend, Tad.
I was hoping he would be more…
(pause)
…productive than the last one
Jerry.

TARA
Oh, I remember Jerry. The guy
who never left his house. He had
some kind of weird business.

MEG
Well, it wasn’t that weird.

TARA
He made little houses out of
popsicle sticks. How can anybody
make a living doing that? I really
think you need to upgrade your choice
in boyfriends, Meg.

JOAN
Tara, how rude! Apologize at once!
You’re eighteen. You know very little
about relationships and the world in
general.

Tara hugs Meg.

TARA
I’m sorry, Meg. You’re getting’ on.
I’m just a kid. But I think you need
to start picking better men.

KENT
Tara, that’s none of your business who
Meg dates. She a good person, who just
tries to help out guys who, let’s say,
have issues.

TARA
Issues? Meg, if you don’t watch it,
you’ll turn out to be a life-long
enabler.

KENT
Tara, you’re so rude. What’s gotten
in to you today? And how do you know
what an enabler is?

TARA
Sorry, Meg. Dad, I learned about it
in my psych AP class.

JOAN
Well, miss smarty pants, that’s no
excuse to be rude. We need you to
be a driver today and that’s that.

TARA
Sorry Mom. I’m being a brat. This day
is gonna suck since I can’t be at
the Happiest Place on Earth.

KENT
Well, we don’t have time to
waste. We need to get a move
on…
(pause)
…Tara, your Mom and I are
going to each be driving a
group. You can take your
golf cart if you want.

MEG
Thanks for helping us out,
Tara. I would drive the van,
but I’ve got cataracts…
(pause)
…I’m having surgery soon, but I
just don’t see that well.

DAVY
(to Tara)
See, I told you I was going on
the garden tour.

TARA
Why me? Ugh.

Kent hands the tour map to Tara.

KENT
Here. There are ten houses on
each route. But we’re spacing
them out by having each group
visit the houses in different
orders.

DAVY
Grandma Meg, why don’t didn’t
you guys just hire a bus and
everyone go together?
MEG
Well, it’s a long story.

JOAN
Well, some of the roads to
these old houses turns into
really narrow lanes. They’re
too narrow for a bus…
(pause)
…And, we wanted to space it
out so all fifty members don’t
descend on one house at a time.

DAVY
I guess that makes sense. Tara,
can I drive the golf cart?

JOAN/KENT/MEG/TARA
NO!

Davy frowns and pouts.

DAVY
Not even in the drive way here?

JOAN/KENT/MEG/TARA
NO!

MEG
Sorry, Davy. You gotta get
a license first.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…writing banter is fun and easy and I really think it improves my scene a lot!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

5. Give us one scene where you did Attack/Counterattack dialogue well.

OLD VERSION

10. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Tara arrives at the garden club in her station wagon. The garden club is a small Tiki hut thatched with palm fronds.

Tara’s Mom and Dad come out of the thatched hut and rush up to Tara.

JOAN
Thank you so much, sweetie! We owe you one!
I know how much Disneyland meant to you.
But you see–

KENT
We’re in a big jam! Our driver,
Tad, well, see for yourself.

Kent gestures towards the VW van. Tara walks over and peaks inside. Tad’s in the back seat, snoozing away. He smells of alcohol.

TARA
He looks hungover. Who is he?

MEG, 70, an old hippie chick, comes outside of the hut with her grandson, Davy. She peaks in the van too and shrugs and smiles.

MEG
That’s my new boyfriend, Tad.
Some help he is!

KENT
Well, we don’t have time to
waste. We need to get a move
on…
(pause)
…Tara, your Mom and I are
going to each be driving a
group. You can take your
golf cart if you want.

MEG
Thanks for helping us out,
Tara. I would drive the van,
but I’ve got cataracts…
(pause)
…I’m having surgery soon, but I
just don’t see that well.

DAVY
(to Tara)
See, I told you I was going on
the garden tour.

TARA
Why me? Ugh.

Kent hands the tour map to Tara.

KENT
Here. There are ten houses on
each route. But we’re spacing
them out by having each group
visit the houses in different
orders.

DAVY
Grandma Meg, why don’t didn’t
you guys just hire a bus and
everyone go together?

MEG
Well, it’s a long story.

JOAN
Well, some of the roads to
these old houses turns into
really narrow lanes. They’re
too narrow for a bus…
(pause)
…And, we wanted to space it
out so all fifty members don’t
descend on one house at a time.

DAVY
I guess that makes sense. Tara,
can I drive the golf cart?

JOAN/KENT/MEG/TARA
NO!

Davy frowns and pouts.

DAVY
Not even in the drive way here?

JOAN/KENT/MEG/TARA
NO!

MEG
Sorry, Davy. You gotta get
a license first.

NEW VERSION

10. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Tara arrives at the garden club in her station wagon. The garden club is a small Tiki hut thatched with palm fronds.

Tara’s Mom and Dad come out of the thatched hut and rush up to Tara.

JOAN
Thank you so much, sweetie! We owe you one!

Tara looks at Tad, who is passed out drunk on the front seat of his van. She rolls her eyes and SNICKERS.

TARA
I’ll say you do, Mom. You know how I go
into withdrawals. It’s not healthy.

KENT
True. But not going on the Haunted
Mansion at Disneyland isn’t exactly
like the D-T’s.

Kent gestures towards the Tad. They walk closer to the van and Tara peers inside at the passed out drunk.

TARA
If I don’t get my Haunted
Mansion fix, I just start wearing my
Minnie Mouse ears twenty-four-seven.
I’ll even sleep with them. Can’t be
helped.

Tara pulls her Minnie Mouse ears out of her backpack and puts them on.

MEG, 70, an old hippie chick, and Davy’s grandmother, comes outside of the hut with her grandson, Davy. She peaks in the van too and shrugs and smiles.

MEG
That’s my new boyfriend, Tad.
I was hoping he would be more…
(pause)
…productive than the last one
Jerry.

TARA
Oh, I remember Jerry. The guy
who never left his house. He had
some kind of weird business.

MEG
Well, it wasn’t that weird.

TARA
He made little houses out of
popsicle sticks. How can anybody
make a living doing that? I really
think you need to upgrade your choice
in boyfriends, Meg.

JOAN
Tara, how rude! Apologize at once!
You’re eighteen. You know very little
about relationships and the world in
general.

Tara hugs Meg.

TARA
I’m sorry, Meg. That was rude.
I just think you deserve better
than a lush and a popsicle dude.

KENT
She’s right, Meg. We all hope you
get a good man someday.

TARA
You better hurry up, Meg. You’re
no spring chicken.

KENT
Tara, you’re so rude. What’s gotten
in to you today?

TARA
Sorry, Meg. Let’s just say I didn’t
get my fix at the Happiest Place on Earth.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Dialogue Structures

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…using these dialogue structures can really take a bland scene and make it great!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

3. Use the Dialogue Structures and rewrite at least one scene each to have a major impact through this structure. I combined two dialogue structures to revise this dialogue scene:

Opposite Meanings in Dialogue/ Setup / Major Twist

OLD VERSION

9. EXT. TARA’S DRIVEWAY

Tara, Max and Clare are packing Tara’s car, loading up for their trip to Disneyland, excited and laughing.

Clare pulls three t-shirts out of a bag and hands one to Tara and one to Max. They say: The Three Amigo’s Summer Trip to Disneyland.

CLARE
Here, Tara, Max. I had these
made. Just for us three.

MAX
Thanks, cousin.

TARA
That’s so sweet of you, Clare.
Let’s go inside and change and
put them on.

A car pulls up behind them in the driveway. Tara’s Dad gets out and rushes over. He frowns as he rushes up to the three, clearly stressed out.

TARA
Dad, what are you doing here?
Aren’t you supposed to be a tour
guide today?

Kent looks down and shuffles his feet.

KENT
Tara, it’s like this. Meg’s boyfriend,
Tad, was going to drive but he’s well…
place…
(pause)
….incapacitated.

MAX
Huh?

KENT
Hungover. He showed up at the
garden club but passed out in his
van. He’s out for the count.
And we gotta have a fourth driver…
(pause)
I’m driving, your Mom’s driving and
so is Betty Masters. And this is the
club’s biggest fundraiser of the year.
Something the ladies look forward to
all year long. I’d hate to leave some of
them behind because we’re short a driver…
(pause)
…I know you guys
were planning on the Haunted Mansion
today but I can’t find anyone else to
drive the tour at such short notice.

Tara SIGHS and slumps back on the car. She pulls off her high school graduating class t-shirt that says ONE LAST BASH AT DISNEYLAND and folds it up and hands it to Clare.

Tara hugs her Dad as Max and Clare’s faces drop. What a disappointment.

KENT
I promise to make it up to you guys.
We can go again and spend the night at the
Disneyland Hotel, all on me. It’ll be a blast,
you’ll see.

TARA
No problem, Dad. I’m glad to help out,
just a little disappointed, that’s all.
I’ll get over it…
(pause)
…But you know I’m directionally challenged.
I’m the last person who should be a tour guide.
You of all people remember what
happened in that corn maze.

KENT
Yes, but that was when you were eight. Now
you’re eighteen. The past is the past.
You’ll have a map and you can use your
phone’s GPS…
(pause)
…You’ll find the house. It’s
a little remote, but you’ll
find it.

Tara shrugs and CHUCKLES.

TARA
Sure, Dad. If you say so.

Tara takes off her Mini Mouse ears and hands them to Clare.

TARA
(to Clare)
Hold on to these for me.

CLARE
Will do.

TARA
(to Clare and Max)
You guys should go without me.
It’ll be a fun day. Don’t miss
out because of me.

CLARE
(to Max)
It won’t be the same without Tara.
We’re the three amigos, remember?
MAX
Yup. It just won’t be the same.

TARA
Come on guys, I insist. Please go,
okay? I would feel so bad if you
stayed home because of me.

Clare and Max look at each other, unsure.

TARA
Come on, group hug!

Tara, Clare and Max form a hug circle.

Tara
(to Kent)
You too, Dad!

Kent joins the group hug.

TARA
(sings)
Note: Tara and the group sing the Patrick Henry High School fight song, then do a football break.

CLARE
(to Max)
Tara’s right. We should go to
Disneyland. And we can go with
Mr. and Mrs. Barker and Tara again next week.
Max looks at Tara and winks. She blushes.

MAX
Okay. We’ll go. As long as we’re going
again next week. Tara, you know how
I love to go.

Okay. Okay. I’m on my way.

TARA
I got bad news, kids. I gotta
drive for the garden tour. The
back-up and the back-up to the
back-up couldn’t do it.

CLARE
Oh, no! That sucks!

MAX
There’s no way you can get out of it?

TARA shakes her head NO.

TARA
I made a promise. You guys go
without me. Have fun. My Mom
said she’ll buy all three of
us tickets to go to Disneyland
again soon.

MAX
Okay, we’ll go. But it won’t be much
fun without you, Tara.

CLARE
Yeah. Maybe we shouldn’t go, Max.

TARA
No, I insist. Go. Have fun.
Take lots of photos. We’ll
go again soon.

Tara hands the t-shirt back to Clare and frowns and SIGHS.

TARA
Hold on to this for me, will
yah? I’ll wear it when we go,
hopefully next week.

REVISED VERSION

9. EXT. TARA’S DRIVEWAY

Tara, Max and Clare are packing Tara’s car, loading up for their trip to Disneyland, excited and laughing.

Clare pulls three t-shirts out of a bag and hands one to Tara and one to Max. They say: The Three Amigo’s Summer Trip to Disneyland.

CLARE
Here, Tara, Max. I had these
made. Just for us three.

MAX
Thanks, cousin.

TARA
That’s so sweet of you, Clare.
Let’s go inside and change and
put them on.

Tara’s Dad, Kent, pulls up behind them in the driveway. His windows are rolled up. He’s talking on his cell phone. Tara winks at Max and Clare.

TARA
(to Max and Clare)
Oh, my Dad’s just dropping by to tell
me the good news.

MAX
You got that summer internship?

TARA
Yup. He said he would deliver the
news in person. That’s how he is…
(pause)
So dramatic. But always considerate.
That’s why I love my Dad.

Kent’s windows are rolled up. He waves at Tara and indicates he’ll be off the phone in a second.

JOAN
(on speaker phone)
I know she’ll be disappointed. Just let
her know how much we appreciate
her filling in.

KENT
(on speaker phone)
Why do I always have to be the bad guy?

JOAN
(on speaker phone)
Because you’re so diplomatic, honey.
You can do it. Just tell her we’ll take
her and Max and Clare to Disneyland twice
this summer.

KENT
Okay.

Kent hangs up the speaker phone, frowns and shrugs, then puts on his happy face. He gets out of the car and strolls over, then smiles and hugs Tara and smiles at Max and Clare.

TARA
Dad, I already know what you’re gonna say.
And I’m so excited.

Kent coughs, fidgets with his keys and smiles.

KENT
You are?

TARA
Who wouldn’t be? It’s like a dream
come true.

KENT
Well, I wouldn’t put it that way.
But each to his own.

TARA
Well, it’s my dream come true. And
you always told me to go after my dreams.

KENT
True. True. But I —

TARA
And I would start today if I could.
But we’re headed to Disneyland.
So I can’t. But I’m sure Mr. and Mrs.
Townsend will understand.

KENT
The Townsends?

Tara rolls her eyes and pats her Dad on the back.

TARA
You always were a jokester, Dad.
But really. Let them know I can
start tomorrow?

KENT
Start? Umm…but we need you today.

Kent looks at his watch and frowns.

KENT
(CON’T)
In fact, it’ll be starting in about
an hour.

TARA
The Townsends said I could start after
the fifteenth. I already told them about
our trip to Disneyland.

Tara grins as Max and Clare CHEER and hug Tara.

KENT
What do the Townsends have to do with
your Mom’s Garden Club Tour today? Are
they joining us?

TARA
What are you talking about? They told you
I got the internship…at the yacht club…
this summer, right?

The lights come on in Kent’s eyes. He SIGNS and frowns, and looks down, kicking the ground.

KENT
Tara, honey, that’s not why I’m here. I
don’t have any news about your internship.

TARA
You don’t?

KENT
No, I’m sorry sweetie, for the misunderstanding.
It’s like this. You know Davy’s grandmother, Meg?

Tara nods YES.

KENT
(CON’T)
He was our backup driver. But he’s really
hungover. He showed up at the
garden club but passed out in his
van. He’s out for the count.
And we gotta have a fourth driver…
(pause)
I’m driving, your Mom’s driving and
so is Betty Masters. And this is the
club’s biggest fundraiser of the year.
Something the ladies look forward to
all year long. I’d hate to leave some of
them behind because we’re short a driver…
(pause)
…I know you guys
were planning on the Haunted Mansion
today but I can’t find anyone else to
drive the tour at such short notice.

Tara SIGHS and slumps back on the car. She pulls off her high school graduating class t-shirt that says ONE LAST BASH AT DISNEYLAND and folds it up and hands it to Clare.

Tara hugs her Dad as Max and Clare’s faces drop. What a disappointment.

KENT
I promise to make it up to you guys.
We can go again and spend the night at the
Disneyland Hotel, all on me. It’ll be a blast,
you’ll see.

TARA
No problem, Dad. I’m glad to help out,
just a little disappointed, that’s all.
I’ll get over it…
(pause)
…But you know I’m directionally challenged.
I’m the last person who should be a tour guide.
You of all people remember what
happened in that corn maze.

KENT
Yes, but that was when you were eight. Now
you’re eighteen. The past is the past.
You’ll have a map and you can use your
phone’s GPS…
(pause)
…You’ll find the house. It’s
a little remote, but you’ll
find it.

Tara shrugs and CHUCKLES.

TARA
Sure, Dad. If you say so.

Tara takes off her Mini Mouse ears and hands them to Clare.

TARA
(to Clare)
Hold on to these for me.

CLARE
Will do.

TARA
(to Clare and Max)
You guys should go without me.
It’ll be a fun day. Don’t miss
out because of me.

CLARE
(to Max)
It won’t be the same without Tara.
We’re the three amigos, remember?
MAX
Yup. It just won’t be the same.

TARA
Come on guys, I insist. Please go,
okay? I would feel so bad if you
stayed home because of me.

Clare and Max look at each other, unsure.

TARA
Come on, group hug!

Tara, Clare and Max form a hug circle.

Tara
(to Kent)
You too, Dad!

Kent joins the group hug.

TARA
(sings)
Note: Tara and the group sing the Patrick Henry High School fight song, then do a football break.

CLARE
(to Max)
Tara’s right. We should go to
Disneyland. And we can go with
Mr. and Mrs. Barker and Tara again next week.
Max looks at Tara and winks. She blushes.

MAX
Okay. We’ll go. As long as we’re going
again next week. Tara, you know how
I love to go.

Okay. Okay. I’m on my way.

TARA
I got bad news, kids. I gotta
drive for the garden tour. The
back-up and the back-up to the
back-up couldn’t do it.

CLARE
Oh, no! That sucks!

MAX
There’s no way you can get out of it?

TARA shakes her head NO.

TARA
I made a promise. You guys go
without me. Have fun. My Mom
said she’ll buy all three of
us tickets to go to Disneyland
again soon.

MAX
Okay, we’ll go. But it won’t be much
fun without you, Tara.

CLARE
Yeah. Maybe we shouldn’t go, Max.

TARA
No, I insist. Go. Have fun.
Take lots of photos. We’ll
go again soon.

Tara hands the t-shirt back to Clare and frowns and SIGHS.

TARA
Hold on to this for me, will
yah? I’ll wear it when we go,
hopefully next week.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Elevated Dialogue

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…using this method based on character traits to upgrade dialogue is easy and fun and it works!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

2. Follow these steps to rewrite any generic lines from your lead characters.

TARA–Protagonist
Character Traits
–Cowardly
–Gullible
–Silly/Playful
–Haunted by past

Generic Dialogue: Whoo-hoo! I earned it, baby!

Trait: Cowardly: I can’t believe I graduated…and on time!
Trait: Gullible: Dad said I might have to take summer school to graduate. I wonder if he was joking?
Trait: Silly/Playful: Thank God for my math tutor!
Trait: Haunted by Past: I guess even scaredy cats get to graduate.

BIG BETTY–Antagonist
Character Traits
–Fake Sweet/Funny
–Manipulative
–Vain
–Untrustworthy

Generic Dialogue: You look fab-u-lous! Just fab-u-lous!

Trait: Fake Sweet/Funny: I’m sure I’ll be on the cover of Vogue…very soon!
Trait: Manipulative: (Spoken to Tara): If you praise my fantabulous beauty, I might just let you live!
Trait: Vain: I could pass for Scarlett Johansson’s younger sister!
Trait: Untrustworthy: (Spoken to Tara) Tell you what, you get me into the Whiskey A Go-Go and I promise to give you a job, as my wingman!

DAVY—Supporting Character
Character Traits
–Inquisitive/Nosy
–Pesty
–Inventive
–Fearless

Generic Dialogue: (Spoken to Tara) Got you! You scally-wag matie!

Trait: Inquisitive/Nosy: (Spoken to Tara) Where have you been? You coulda called!
Trait: Pesty: (Spoken to Tara’s Mom and Dad): Can I move in…for the summer?
Trait: Inventive: (Spoken to Everyone at Backyard Party): I’m so good at scaring people, I could open my own haunted house!
Trait: Fearless: (Spoken to Tara). Don’t be mad at me for scaring you! Let’s duke it out!

MEG—Supporting Character

Character Traits
–Feisty
–Suspicious
–Practical
–Kind

Generic Dialogue: That’s my new boyfriend, Tad. Some help he is!

Trait: Feisty: That’s my new boyfriend Tad. But I might have to put him out to pasture soon!
Trait: Suspicious: That’s my new boyfriend, Tad. He’s not only a lush, I think he’s lying about being the new CEO of Facebook.
Trait: Practical: That’s my new boyfriend, Tad. He’s a lush…but at least his van is in working order.
Trait: Kind: That’s my new boyfriend, Tad. I was saving up for a new car, but I think I better spend the money on his rehab.

3. Tell us how many lines you rewrote for each character and give us three of your favorites just for fun.

I rewrote one line for each of the lead characters. Here are my new favorite lines:

TARA: Thank God for my math tutor!
BIG BETTY: Tell you what, you get me into the Whiskey A Go-Go and I promise to give you a job, as my wingman!

DAVY: Can I move in…for the summer?
MEG: That’s my new boyfriend, Tad. He’s a lush…but at least his van is in working order.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Elevated Interest

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is… every scene can and should be elevated using these techniques!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

Changes I made to elevate interest:

Opening—Added a more interesting setting: Add THUNDER, LIGHTNING and DARK SHADOWs over the walls, then show the glass of green glowing liquid falling, breaking and the shadows on the dead termites as the liquid oozes onto them and they slowly come to life.

Inciting Incident: Add Intrigue: When Tara and Max and Clare are in her driveway, packing their car for Disneyland, they get in the car and Tara starts to back out. Then we hear a FUNNY SOUNDING HORN and then an UGA-UGA sound. They MOAN IN DEFEAT because they know that horn sound but we don’t know where it’s coming from. Then Tara’s Dad pulls in the driveway behind them and blocks their exit.

Turning Point, Act 1: Add Uncertainty: Tara drives up to the Garden Club with her Dad following her in his car. Her Mom rushes over and says thanks for agreeing to be a driver. We have a surprise for you…one of your good friends will be in your tour group! Tara guesses, but can’t figure it out. Then Davy and his Grandma Meg come outside and Davy runs up waves at her and her heart sinks. The pest is back!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Elevated Emotion!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is… there are so many ways to add emotion to a scene or make the scene much more emotional by brainstorming ideas. This is a method that is easy to use and works!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

Scene 1 Essence: Dead termites are brought back to life!

How Intensified: The dead termites are brought back to life, GROWL and begin to scurry up the walls. They’re infesting the room!

Scene 2 Essence: Big Betty comes to life and she’s vain!

Version A: Struggle: Big Betty comes to life, then dies. Another termite dips Big Betty’s claw in the green goo. She comes to life again, MOANS, writhes on the floor, struggles to get up, falls, then finally gets up and stands triumphant!

Version B: Love Received: Big Betty comes to life and each termite kisses her feet.

Version C: Needs, Values, and Goals fulfilled: Big Betty comes to life and says, “After two thousand years, I’m back!”

Scene 3 Essence: Tara is petrified of bugs!

How Intensified: Raise the stakes: Tara can’t get her window to roll down to get the bug to fly out of her car!

Scene 4 Essence: Tara’s parents, friends and neighbor, Davy, are having fun in the backyard.

Version A: Abandoned: Tara’s Dad gets a phone call and delivers bad new to Davy: His parents need to stay in Europe one more week. Davy is crushed.

Version B: Proving themselves to others: The music goes stops. Tara’s Dad can’t get the record player to work. Davy jumps up and fiddles with the wires and the music comes back on. The group CHEERS and starts dancing!

Version C: Did everything they were supposed to, but it still isn’t working: Disappointment: Max, who has a crush on Tara, show’s Tara’s Mom a Mickey Mouse t-shirt he bought for Tara for their upcoming trip to Disneyland, but Max is disappointed frustrated when he finds out from Tara’s Dad that there’s a 50/50 chance she won’t be able to go to Disneyland because of a “previous commitment.”

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Dramatic Reveals!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…I can make the reveals much more dramatic and interesting by adding more intrigue to the demands! The set-ups are so important!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

ACT 1

SETUP: Big Betty pulls out a nail file and a hand mirror and files her pink nails and admires her face and hair in the mirror.

REVEAL: Big Betty is a vain and she’s a termite!

A. What is the DEMAND? Why does a termite have finger nails?

B. What is being REVEALED? She has human-like qualities

C. How is it presented DRAMATICALLY? She files her nails.

Changes: Make the Reveal more dramatic by having her file a nail then search on a little shelf for the perfect shade of nail polish, then start painting her nails.

SETUP: Big Betty HUMS.
REVEAL: Big Betty has a great voice when she sings a finale song for Tara, Davy and Meg before they go in the pot. (Act 4).

A. What is the DEMAND? Can a termite actually talk?

B. What is being REVEALED? An insect can talk!

C. How is it presented DRAMATICALLY? She sings a finale song in Act 4.

Changes: Make the Demand more dramatic by having Big Betty pick up an old sheet of music and have her tap her note and HUM to the song on the sheet music, from the 1920s, and then sing a little bit of the song.

SETUP: Big Betty HUMS.

REVEAL: Big Betty has a great voice when she sings a finale song for Tara, Davy and Meg before they go in the pot. (Act 4).

A. What is the DEMAND? Can a termite actually talk?

B. What is being REVEALED? An insect can talk!

C. How is it presented DRAMATICALLY? She sings a finale song in Act 4.

Changes: Make the Demand more dramatic by having Big Betty pick up an old sheet of music and have her tap her note and HUM to the song on the sheet music, from the 1920s, and then sing a little bit of the song.

ACT 2

SETUP: When Tara drives the group up to the front entrance of the abandoned country club, Meg mentions that she’s been here before, when times were good long ago.

REVEAL: Act 4: Meg reveals she and her late husband used to be members of the country club many years ago, and she took the money from his will and bought it, and tried to concoct a pesticide with Spirulina that wouldn’t be toxic to people and pets…but she had no idea the green goo would turn the termites into giant ancient Termo-Lytes.

A. What is the DEMAND? We want to know what is this old abandoned place?

B. What is being REVEALED? Meg mentions that she’s been here before, when times were good, long ago.

C. How is it presented DRAMATICALLY? Meg reveals she bought the old country club from the inheritance from her late husband.

Changes: Make the demand/intrigue stronger by showing half of the sign that marks the entrance to the country club…it just says CLUB and EST. 1920.

ACT 3

SETUP: Meg gets nervous and grabs her lighter and cigarette and tries to light up.

REVEAL: Big Betty grabs it out of her hand and says that smoking is bad for her health and LAUGHS.

A. What is the DEMAND? Has Meg given up smoking?

B. What is being REVEALED? Meg is trying to give up smoking but can’t give up her addiction when she’s nervous.

C. How is it presented DRAMATICALLY? Big Betty grabs it away and says smoking is bad for you, but ignores her own advice and tries to light up but can’t figure out how to use a lighter.

Changes: Make the Demand more intriguing by showing a patch on Meg’s arm and when Meg grabs her lighter and a cigarette out of her pocket, Tara notices the bump under her shirt on her arm, and points to it, then Meg nervously lifts up her t-shirt sleeve and reveals the Patch.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Loves Character Depth!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…there are so many ways to elevate my script by adding character depth through action!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

4. Tell us the changes you made using these tools.

Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.

Act 1-Tara recoils from the bug movie and hides under a blanket and shivers.

Act 2-Tara hides the tour guide map under a potted plant and says they’re out of maps so she can’t be the driver for the tour.

Act 2-At the abandoned country club, Tara is grossed out by the beetles infesting a tree and she throws up!

Act 2-Tara tries to run out of the lobby at the country club and trips on boxes.

Act 2-In the industrial kitchen at the country club, Tara notices a green bag of Spirulina on the floor and open containers of Turmeric and Paprika and sawdust and termites moving around. She shivers and covers her eyes with her hands.

Act 1-Big Betty is covered with Spirulina and comes to life and jumps up and ROARS.

Act 2-In the tunnel below the country club lobby, Big Betty leads the Termo-Lytes in a funny square dance and sings a funny song about the return of her clan, the Termo-Lytes.

Act 2-When Big Betty recaptures Davy and Meg, she says cooking them in a big cast iron pot is so cliché so she orders Lonnie to throw them in the hot tub and then throw a net on them.

Act 2-When Tara and Davy ride the gondola down the mountain, and Big Betty holds on underneath the gondola, she sings songs from her clan about good times her great grandparents had in the 1920s when the country club was built.

Act 2-In the Rum Runner’s Cave, a Little Cave Guy causes Big Betty to trip and she gets mad and almost eats him, but is restrained by her nephew, Lonnie!

Act 2-In the Rum Runner’s Cave, when Big Betty hears a noise and pulls back the alcove curtain, but nobody is there, she puts her face up by Davy and Meg and threatens to eat them if they’re planning any funny business!

Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?

Tara is hiding her horrible experience as a child when she gets lost in the Halloween corn maze at age 8 and is covered by termites while sitting on the hay bale. This has affected her life since then by causing her to not have a sense of direction and to be overly afraid of bugs.

Big Betty’s parents were there when Tara got lost in the Halloween maze and Tara’s Dad poured his water bottle on Tara’s leg and drowned Big Betty’s parents. Her revenge is personal!

Meg spent most of inheritance from her late husband’s estate to purchase the abandoned country club from the current owners because her great grandparents built it in 1920! She didn’t tell her kids or family and friends because she’s had many failed business ventures in the past and she thought they would make fun of her.

Meg also concocted the Spirulina drink to find a non-toxic way to kill the termites. She didn’t know the jar would crash, fall on the termites and cause them to grow seven feet tall!

Davy is hurt that his parents are spending their second honeymoon in Europe without him, so he lies and says they’re going to be in Europe for the entire summer and that his parents want his grandmother, Meg, to adopt him so they can get rid of him.

Tad, Meg’s boyfriend, knows Meg purchased the abandoned country club because he found the deed in her desk drawer. He also didn’t tell her that he’s more than a drunk old hippy…he’s rich! He will help her rebuild the country club!

Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?

Act 1, Opening Scene: When Tara is driving her wash wagon, and a big bug flies into her car, she SCREAMS, slams on the brakes and the laundry pitches forward and underwear covers her face! Ha! Ha!

Act 1, when Big Betty is covered by the Spirulina concoction and she comes to life then grows three feet tall, she sees the dead Termo-Lytes and gets angry and ROARS, then pours Spirulina on them and they come to life and grow three feet tall too and she kisses them.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Solved Scene Problems!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…using the Problem/Solution Grid Scenes tool really works! I found a lot of cliché scenes with cliché dialogue and boring scenes and scene that didn’t challenge Tara, the protagonist.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

3. For any scene problems you find, make the prescribed improvements according to this Problem/Solution Grid.

Here are some of the problems and solutions I made to my Second Draft:

Act 1, Scene 1. Basic Scene Design.
Problem: Needs stronger conflict.
Solution: Add that a pile of wood falls on Big Betty and covers her and she struggles to get out from under the pile, then she grows to three feet tall.

Problem: Not entertaining
Solution: After Big Betty grows to three feet tall, she puts on lots of makeup and blingey jewelry and pats her bright neon huge beehive hairdo and says, “Who says Termo-Lytes can’t look good and live their best life?” Then the Termo-Lytes bow before her and HUM loudly and Big Betty says “I look fan-tab-u-lous.”

Act 1, Scene 2. Uninteresting Scenes
Problem: Not exciting enough.
Solution: When Tara climbs the tree, have the branch break and she almost falls.

Act 1, Scene 4: Situations Don’t Challenge Characters & Uninteresting Scenes
Problem: Tara isn’t challenge by the scene
Solution: Add intrigue and set-up/payoff. Add a flyer on the table by the food. The flyer is about the garden tour with a list of tour groups and the driver for each group. On one group, Tara’s name is listed with a question mark and it’s circled in red ink. Add intrigue by having Tara’s Dad, Kent, fold up the flyer and put it in his pocket before Tara’s sees it.

Problem: Characters are boring and generic.
Solution: Add Interest Techniques. Tara’s Mom is now a former professional surfer and owns a surf shop. Tara’s Dad is now baker who owns a cupcake shop and he wears a t-shirt that says Kent’s Cupcake Shop. Tara’s best friends, Max and Clare wear Mickey Mouse ears. This shows they love

[Leona Heraty]

I’m catching up on my script, so I won’t be seeking feedback this time around.

I look forward to exchanging feedback on Module 7.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty is Cliché Busting!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…I have a lot of clichés in my second draft, but it’s fun to brainstorm new ideas and pick the best one. The more I spot the clichés and brainstorm new versions, the better I become at cliché busting!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

Cliché: Tara’s Dad, Kent, is a mild-mannered accountant or sort of a bland character.

New Version: Tara’s Dad owns a cupcake shop. He loves to bake!

Cliché: Tara’s Mom, Joan, is an independently wealthy Mom who dabbles in painting and her flower garden.

New Version: Tara’s Mom, Joan, owns a surfboard shop, and she’s an award-winning surfer and former Olympic gold medalist. She also loves plants and flowers.

Cliché: Max Farber is a jock and football player, who’s only interested in football and sports.

New Version: Max also loves Disneyland and isn’t too tough or macho to wear Mickey Mouse ears everywhere he goes, not just at Disneyland.

Cliché: Clare Faber, Max’s cousin, is boring. She’s only obsessed with make-up and getting into a sorority.

New Version: Clare also wears Minnie Mouse ears everywhere, like her cousin, Max, and she has a beautiful singing voice and plans to study music at Julliard and become an opera singer.

Cliché: Big Betty is mean all the time, as the antagonist.

New Version: She has human traits. She loves to belt out 1970s rock tunes and has a great singing voice. She loves sweets too.

Cliché: Big Betty throws Davy and later, Davy and his
grandmother, Meg, into a large cooking pot to cook them as the main dish for
the Summer Solstice celebration.

New Version: Big Betty throws Davy, and later, Davy and Meg, into the large swimming pool that’s filled with a blue glowing goo. There is seaweed at the bottom of the pool lying dormant.

When Big Betty instructs the Teenage Termo-Lyte (Name?) to dump a bucket of Spirulina in the pool, the seaweed comes alive, grows quickly, glows a bright green and at Big Betty’s commend, begins to wrap around Davy and Meg, to choke them, like in Little Shop of Horrors.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Solved Character Problems!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…I really need to revise my supporting characters so they’re not generic and not all the same. I’m making the revisions and I think this elevates the script a lot!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

2. Check your lead characters to see if they have any of the problems listed in this lesson.

A. Generic Lead Characters.

Tara Barker—Protagonist

Her character is good but can be better by making her more unique. She is very athletic and is a golfer, surfer and tennis player. She loves wearing a tennis skorts and her favorite color is lime green so she loves wearing a lime green shirt or skorts. She loves the 1960s fashions and hair her hair in a flip. She also uses golfing terms and phrases like “It’s so sub-par” or “You’re so sub-par.”

Note: Find other golfing terms. She listens to surf music in her car and eats Cheez-Its and Skittles and carries extra supplies in her car.

Note: Tara drops Cheez-Its on the paths for breadcrumbs to find her way back, since she has no sense of direction.

Note: Tara runs back to the car to get the box of cupcakes that her Dad, Kent, made at his shop. She uses it to lure/charm Big Betty, who loves sweets.

Big Betty mocks her weak generation who can’t read a map and has to rely on GPS Google Maps to get anywhere. Tara is terrified of ants in the lobby of the country club!

Davy Randall—Supporting Character/Member of Tara’s tour group
His character is good. I’m not going to change anything about him for now.

Meg Randall—Supporting Character/Member of Tara’s tour group
Her character is good. I’m not going to change anything about her for now.

Joan Barker, Tara’s Mom—Supporting Character
Her character is generic. I will revise so she owns a surfboard shop and she’s a former pro surfer. She’s 50 years old but looks 30 and she loves flowers and gardening as her hobby.

Joan is a member of the garden club and is the President of the club and is organizing the annual home garden tour. Her favorite sayings are “Surf’s up, so you better boogie!” and “When in doubt, surf it out!” Marigolds are her favorite flower because of Halloween and the Day of the Dead.

Kent Barker, Tara’s Dad – Supporting Character
His character is generic. I will revise so he’s a professional baker and owns a cupcake shop that does really well. He’s very handsome and masculine, but he wears an apron throughout the movie because “he’s always baking something.” His favorite phrase is “If you’re having a bad day, have a cupcake! It’ll cheer you up!”

Max Faber—Tara’s best friend—Supporting Character
His character is generic. I will revise so he’s a football jock with a soft side. He loves Mickey Mouse and Disneyland and isn’t too macho to wear Mickey Mouse ears on “game day” AKA when they go to Disneyland!

Max is one of the Three Buddies with Tara and Clare. He is Clare’s cousin, and he has a crush on Tara. The three are childhood friends. He wears a shirt that says, “Don’t be a Meanie!”

Clare Faber—Tara’s best friend—Supporting Character
Her character is generic. I will revise so she’s obsessed with Minnie Mouse and she loves to wear Minnie Mouse Ears on “game day” when they go to Disneyland or just for fun! She has a t-shirt that says, “I’m a Disney Princess.”

Clare is Max’s cousin and they’re the same age as Tara, all in the same high school graduating class. She wants to be an actress and star in Disney movies. She has a great singing voice and plans to move to Hollywood.

B. Weak protagonist or antagonist.
I think my protagonist, Tara and my antagonist, Big Betty, overall are strong characters.

C. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad.

Big Betty—Antagonist. She has a lot of negative traits but she needs more human and positive traits to make her more multidimentional. She has a great singing voice and likes to belt out rock tunes from the 1970s and she loves sweets. She loves Kent’s cupcakes and is lured into trusting Tara, but Tara is going to try to kill her in the end!

When Big Betty is happy, her blue beehive changes into rainbow colors but when she’s angry, it turns a bright orange. She says silly 1970s phrases like, “Cut me some slack, Jack” and has a unique phrase, “I look fan-tab-u-lous!”

D. Weak character intros.

Tara—Protagonist.
She has a strong intro, however, I added more humor by making her drop her phone when she’s up in the tree and the police officer picks it up and talks to her Mom and relays the messages.

Big Betty—Antagonist
I think her character intro is weak. I will revise so she grows bigger and taller after the green goo cover her and she immediately dances around and starts to belt out a disco tune, like a Donna Summer or Gloria Gaynor song! This will add humor and some cheesiness.

E. Characters not in action.
Tara and Big Betty are constantly in action and in almost every scene. This is an action-packed sci-fi comedy.

F. Protagonist journey not strong.
Tara’s journey is strong. She has to overcome her extreme fear of bugs when she does battle with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes, and she regains her lost sense of direction, which is really a new belief in herself and her abilities and goals.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>
G. All the characters seem the same.
The supporting characters needed elevating so they’re not generic, so I’m making the revisions.

H. Lead characters not present.
Tara and Big Betty and Davy and Meg are in almost every scene and they all take action in these scenes. However, I will revise the obstacles for Tara, Davy and Meg to overcome so they’re even more difficult and dangerous.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Structure Solutions!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…there’s always room for improvement and it’s fun to find creative ways to elevate my script.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must battle mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

Structural Changes I made to my script:

1. Script doesn’t match the pitch.

I think my script matches my pitch, but it was too wordy and long. So I revised my pitch to make it more concise and compelling.

Old Pitch: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

New Pitch: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must battle mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

2. Missed the outline in some places. I tweaked my outline to match the script, so the scenes have a specific time of day. This is important because most of the action takes place on the day of the Summer Solstice, with the Termo-Lytes celebrating the exact time of the Summer Solstice, at 12 pm, and then they continue to celebrate into the afternoon and early evening. I also changed the order of some of the scenes, to build add more suspense.

3. Weak Conflict. Note: Add more conflict between Tara, Meg and Davy. Tara wants to leave the country club ASAP, Peg wants to explore a little bit and see if they can find an outlet to charge her phone, and Davy wants to stay at the country club forever!

4. Do my Acts Work? Yes.

5. Need Stronger Turning Points. I think my turning points are good.

6. Weak Transformational Journey. Tara’s journey is strong. She starts out afraid of bugs and with no sense of direction. She ends up no longer afraid of bugs and she’s fearless with a strong sense of direction and sense of self.

7. Need Stronger Opening. In scene 1, I added more intrigue and interest with when the dead termites are reborn into their old selves: The mutant Termo-Lytes and they grow one foot tall.

In scene 2, I added more humor and conflict, showing that Tara has no sense of direction and she gets lost in her own neighborhood and she’s terrified of bugs. Then she checks Google maps and drives back to Rosecrans and is going the right way home until a bug blows in her car window and lands on her arm and then on her head.

Tara screams, lets go of the steering wheel and crashes the car to the curb. She climbs a tree as the bug chases her. She swats at the bug and almost loses her balance. She clutches a branch and saves herself.

A cop, Officer Mendez, pulls over and turns off the ignition in Tara’s car and grabs her keys. She walks over to the tree and looks up and recognizes Tara. She asks Tara if it was another wasp that chased her up the tree. Tara said she didn’t get a good look at it. It was just a scary bug, that’s all she knows.

8. Need Stronger Inciting Incident. I added a more dramatic Inciting Incident, where Tara’s Dad pulls into their driveway and blocks Tara’s car. Tara, Clare and Max were just getting ready to pull out of the driveway and go to Disneyland. Tara’s plans have abruptly changed for the day because she agrees to be a tour driver for the annual garden club home tour.

9. Need Stronger Midpoint. I think my Midpoint is strong, when Tara finally realizes that Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes aren’t just fun dancing huge mutant termites…they plan to eat Tara, Meg and Davy for their Summer Solstice Feast.

10. Need Stronger Ending. I think my ending is good.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

1. Leona Heraty

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Has Finished Act 4!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…Just keep writing as fast as I can and not look back. When I get distracted or start to edit, I put on a timer and get back on track and keep writing! It’s okay to write a shitty first draft! Ha! Ha!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

How things are going for me: I’m totally relieved to finally finish my first draft! I thought I wouldn’t have enough pages, but it turns out my first draft is 92 pages in Word. When I transfer the Word file into Final Draft, it will probably be even more pages. Yeay! This has been a fun experience writing a shitty first draft! I love my story and I’m having a lot of fun writing it! Onward and upward!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Continues Act 4

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…just keep going! When I had something I wanted to go back and change, I resisted the urge to do it. Instead, I wrote a note in the description to go back and change it later. It helps just to keep writing fast!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

How things are going for me: I’m making progress! I’ve written about 53 pages so far, and I’m proud of myself for just keeping going! The high speed writing rules work for me and I’ll be using them from now on during early drafts of my scripts! Hurray!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Started Act 4

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that this process works…just keep writing without judgment!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

How things are going for me: I’ve written 46 pages so far. The scenes are short and they will need fleshing out and lots of work…but that’s OK. The main thing is I’ve started Act 4!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty is Finishing Act 3

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…it’s totally liberating to write quickly and without wordsmithing and judgment!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

How the high-speed writing rules are working for me with finishing Act 3: The rules are working great for me! I’m getting Act 1 down on paper and that’s the main thing!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty is Continuing Act 3

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…to always do the empowerment exercise before I write and then just have fun and keep writing, without judgment!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

How the high-speed writing rules are working for me with starting Act 3: The process for first draft is working great and I’m moving ahead with Act 3. My outline is a little thin and I will need to add more scenes because the script is too short, but that’s OK. Right now, I just want to finish Act 3, since this is the first draft, and I’m only going for 30 percent. I will add more scenes in Draft 2. So it’s all OK!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Began Act 3

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…to keep writing, regardless of the quality and have fun without judging the quality of my writing.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

How the high-speed writing rules are working for me with starting Act 3: I’m enjoying the process and it’s a relief to not edit as I write, and just let the words and scenes flow.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Completed Act 2

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…it’s totally OK to right crap for the first draft! It’s liberating to just let the words flow and it’s fun not to judge my own writing!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned

How the high-speed writing rules are working for me: They’re working great! I’m having fun, writing fast and enjoying not wordsmithing!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Continuing Act 2

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is… just to keep writing, and not edit as I go! It works!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned

My Experience Not Wordsmithing: No editing as I write is liberating! It works and keeps my writing in flow!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Began Act 2

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…setting a time makes me write so much faster!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned

My Experience Racing With the Timer: I set the timer and it helped me write a lot faster, without judging my writing. It really works!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Finished Act 1 (place in first line)

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…when writing the first draft, have fun with it, keep going and don’t go back and edit my work!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned

How the High Speed Writing Rules Are Working for Me: Writing quickly without judgment is liberating! The rules are working great for me!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Next Act 1 Scenes

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…setting a timer when writing the scenes keeps me writing faster and also, it keeps me from going back and doing research. High speed writing frees me from being critical of my writing so I can stay focused on moving forward and writing quickly.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned

How the High Speed Writing Rules Are Working for Me: The rules work and help me to keep writing fast! I think my Act 1 is too short…but I know that’s okay for the First draft, since I will improve my script on subsequent drafts, when I can always add more scenes.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is… to use the high speed writing rules with a timer…it works! <b style=”font-weight: bold;”>

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

How I used the High Speed Writing Rules and insights I had about writing a first draft: I set a timer and tried to write each scene in five minutes. That was tough, so I ended up writing each scene in ten or fifteen minutes. But the process works, and I just kept going. The high speed writing rules freed me to just write without editing as I go, so the process works!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s High Speed Writing Rules

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…The high speed writing rules really work! I enjoyed writing the scene quickly and when I hit a snag in the dialogue, instead of shutting down, I added a note to fix it later, and kept going. These rules are liberating! Yeay!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

How it went using the New High Speed Writing Rules: Using these rules went really well for me. When I hit a snag in some dialogue, I added a note to check my character profile for certain phrases the main character would use when she’s exasperated. I just kept writing as fast as I could. Empowering myself first also helped me keep going and just have fun with writing the scene.

[Leona Heraty]

ASSIGNMENT

Leona Heraty’s First Scene

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…as long as I stick to the outline, it’s easy to write the scenes. The key is to keep it simple and not add new ideas on the first draft!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

How the process went for me: Writing the first scene was easy because I basically copied and pasted my outline, and I didn’t make any changes. I wrote it as concisely as possible. Also, I did the empowerment exercise before I wrote the scene and this really helps!

[Leona Heraty]

Oops, I don’t know how to delete this post.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

What’s your email? Also, on the outlines, are we supposed to keep in the Scene Arc, Essence, etc and Beginning, Middle and End?

[Leona Heraty]

Hello! I have a family sci-fi comedy and would love to exchange feedback. Thanks! 😎

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing
this assignment is…although this assignment took a long time to complete, it was really
worth it! I added many interest techniques to each scene and improved my
outline by at least 75 percent! Yeay!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction
and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an
abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

ACT 1:

1. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY

A retreating figure brushes against a jar of toxic green goo. CRASH! The jar falls on the floor and oozes onto some dead termites. They come alive! Big Betty, the queen, turns pink, smiles and grows bigger and the Termo-Lytes grow bigger too.

Scene Arc: Termites are dead then come alive!
Essence: The rebirth of dead termites!
Conflict:
Subtext: The green goo has restorative powers.
Hope/fear: We hope the bugs are benign but we fear they could be evil.

Beginning: An unknown person (superior position/intrigue brushes again a jar. It CRASHES to the floor (surprise).

Middle: The green goo begins to glow (intrigue) then oozes onto dead termites.

End: The dead termites, move, come alive, then GROWL! (suspense)

2. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty shakes off dust and debris and does a little dance. She files her nails with a cheese grater and eats the cheese. She primps in a mirror and puts on bright pink lipstick and kisses a mirror.

Scene Arc: Big Betty starts off disheveled and she gets pretty.
Essence: Big Betty has a personality.
Conflict:
Subtext: These are not normal termites.
Hope/fear: We hope they’re nice, but we fear they mean harm.

Beginning: Big Betty shakes off dust and debris and does a little dance. (Character changes radically)

Middle: Big Betty files her nails with a cheese grater. She eats the cheese. (Surprise)

End: She puts on lipstick and kisses a mirror. (Character changes radically)

3. EXT./INT. CAR – SAN DIEGO – DAY

A bug flies into Tara’s car. She spills her latte all over herself. She crashes her car into a bush, jumps out, climbs a tree as the bug chases her and her cell phone rings and she drops it.

Scene Arc: Tara starts out driving and ends up, up a tree.
Essence: Tara is petrified of bugs.
Conflict: Tara vs. the bug.
Subtext: Something made Tara extremely afraid of bugs.
Hope/fear: We hope she’s okay, but we fear she may get stung.

Beginning: A bug flies into Tara’s car. She spills her latte all over herself. (Surprise)

Middle: She crashes her car into a bush. (Surprise)

End: She climbs a tree, her cell phone rings and she drops it.

4. EXT. – TARA’S BACKYARD – SAN DIEGO – DAY
The backyard is a Tiki lover’s paradise, with a tropical bar, pineapple shaped pool and mini-waterfall. Tara’s friends, and parents and Davy are enjoying the pool party. A fun song plays. Davy stops eating, puts down his food and break dances. Tara munches on Cheez-Its and Davy pops out, startles her as she SCREAMS and drops her box of crackers and they scatter everywhere. Tara’s Mom whistles. The dog runs up and gobbles them up.

Scene Arc: Tara enters the back yard calm and is frightened when Davy pops out.
Essence: Davy is a pest.
Conflict: Tara wants to chill out and Davy won’t leave her alone.
Subtext: Why is this kid so annoying and who is he?
Hope/fear: We hope Tara doesn’t spill her Cheez-Its but we fear she will.

Beginning: The backyard is a Tiki lover’s paradise. (More interesting setting) Davy is stuffing his face. The music changes and he starts break dancing. (Surprise)

Middle: Tara munches Cheeze-Its and Davy pops out and she SCREAMS. (Surprise)

End: She spills the box of crackers, and tries to pick them up. Tara’s Mom whistles (betrayal). The dog gobbles them up. (betrayal/surprise).

5. EXT. – TARA’S BACKYARD – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Davy does a cannonball into the pool and splashes Tara. The floating pool filter sprays Tara in the face. Tara calls him a pest and he looks sad, then Tara apologizes. He puts on a t-shirt that says I CAN FIX ANYTHING. Tara mock claps. Davy fixes a broken Tiki torch and the pool filter that sprayed Tara. She eats her words and turns red.

Scene Arc: Davy is a pest but redeems himself.
Essence: Davy has some good qualities.
Conflict: Tara wants Davy to leave but doesn’t want to say so.
Subtext: Davy is a pest most of the time.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will redeem himself but we’re afraid he’ll be asked to leave.

Beginning: Davy does a cannonball into the pool. (Surprise) He splashes Tara’s already wet shirt. (Surprise)

Middle: Tara calls Davy a pest, he looks sad, then she apologizes. (Uncomfortable Moment)

End: Davy puts on a shirt that says I CAN FIX ANYTHING. (Character Changes Radically) Tara mock claps. Davy fixes a broken Tiki torch and the pool filter that sprayed Tara. (Character Changes Radically) She eats her words. (Mislead/Reveal)

6. EXT./INT. TARA’S HOUSE – SAN DIEGO – DAY

CRACK! LIGHTNING STRIKES. THUNDER RUMBLES. RAIN pelts the group. Everyone runs inside. The living room is a mini movie theater with rows of seats, a big screen TV and a popcorn/concession stand. Tara grabs the remote. Davy distracts her with a fake bug. She screams. He takes the remote from her and orders a sci-fi bug move from the 1950s. Tara scowls and grabs the remote and changes to ESPN golf.

Scene Arc: It’s a great pool party, then it rains!
Essence: Davy likes bug movies and Tara hates them
Conflict: Davy tries to control the remote but Tara takes it away.
Subtext: Davy acts like he lives there.
Hope/fear: We hope they can get along but we fear they can’t.

Beginning: CRACK! LIGHTNING! THUNDER RUMBLES. RAIN pelts the group. (Surprise)

Middle: The living room looks like a mini movie theater (More Interesting Setting)

End: Davy distracts Tara with a fake bug (Surprise). He takes the remote from her and orders a sci-fi bug movie from the 1950s (Mislead/Reveal). Tara scowls and says lets order something worthwhile. She takes the remote back and switches to golf. (Mislead/Reveal)

7. EXT./INT. TARA’S HOUSE – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara’s Dad puts his hands behind his back and asks her to pick hand. Home Garden Tour and she’s a back-up driver. She blushes and changes the subject.

Scene Arc: Tara starts out relaxed and ends up embarrassed.
Essence: Tara is sensitive about the tour.
Conflict: Tara’s parents want her on stand-by but she doesn’t want to go.
Subtext: Tara doesn’t want to go on the tour.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara will agree to go but we fear she won’t.

Beginning: Tara’s Dad puts his hands behind his back and asks her to pick hand. (Suspense)

Middle: She picks the left hand that has a folded flyer. (Suspense). She opens the flyer and frowns and shakes her head NO (Uncomfortable Moment).

End: Max reads the flyer out loud. It’s about the upcoming home garden tour. Tara is a back-up driver. She blushes and talks about their upcoming trip to Disneyland but her Mom says they might need her to drive for the tour. (External Dilemma)

8. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tad does a donut in the parking lot. He ROARS up in his beater car to drive for the tour. He’s hung over, rolls out of the VW Van and bonks his head on the curb. He SNORES, then wakes up and assures them he can drive the tour. He gets in the back seat and falls asleep and SNORES EVEN LOUDER. Who will drive?

Scene Arc: Tad arrives to be the driver but he can’t do it.
Essence: Tad isn’t reliable.
Conflict: Tara’s parents need Tad to drive, but he can’t do it.
Subtext: Tad has a drinking problem.
Hope/fear: We hope Tad can drive for the tour but we don’t think he can do it.

Beginning: Tad does donuts in the parking lot (Surprise).

Middle: He crashes his VW van on the curb. He falls asleep and they wake him up. He assures them he can drive for the home garden tour. (Twist)

End: He gets in the back seat and falls asleep and SNORES EVEN LOUD. (Major Twist/ Cliffhanger) Tara’s parents pull out a list of back-up drivers with Tara’s name at the bottom of the list. They start calling people (Suspense)

9. EXT./INT. TARA’S HOUSE – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Tara, Clare and Max load up their car for Disneyland. Clare has gifts for Max and Tara. They open the boxes to reveal Disneyland shirts. Tara’s Mom calls and Tara answers in an upbeat mood, then frowns, makes excuses, then agrees to be a back-up driver coerces her into being a driver for the home garden tour. Tara can’t go to Disneyland. She hands Clare back the shirt and pouts.

Scene Arc: Tara, Clare and Max are excited about Disneyland then end up sad they can’t go.
Essence: Their plans for fun have been ruined.
Conflict: They want to go to Disneyland but Tara can’t join them.
Subtext: Tara’s parents are great at coercing her.
Hope/fear: We hope they can go to Disneyland but we fear they can’t go.

Beginning: Clare gives Max and Tara gifts. (Surprise)

Middle: Tara’s in a good mood, then Tara’s Mom calls, and Tara frowns, makes excuses then agrees to be a back-up driver for the home garden tour (Suspense/Major Twist)

End: Tara hands the t-shirt back to Clare and pouts (Internal Dilemma/Major Twist)

ACT 2:

10. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara drives up in her golf cart. The garden club is a small Tiki hut thatched with palm fronds. Tara’s Mom says they’re leaving but two people still need a ride and it’s someone she really likes. Tara’s Dad laughs. Tara hesitates then says OK and smiles. Davy and his grandmother, Meg, come out of the Tiki hut, wave at Tara and her face drops. Tara’s Dad gives her the map and she turns red and changes the subject.

Scene Arc: Tara still wants to go to Disneyland. She agrees to drive the home garden tour instead.
Essence: Tara’s plans have been dashed.
Conflict: Tara wants to go to Disneyland but her parents need her to drive for the home garden tour.
Subtext: Tara can’t say no to her parents.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara can say no to her parents but we fear she can’t say no.

Beginning: Tara arrives at the garden club in a golf cart. The garden club is a small Tiki hut thatched with palm fronds. (More interesting setting

Middle: Tara’s Mom says two people still need a ride. (Suspense)

End: Davy and his grandmother, Meg, comes out of the Tiki hut (Mislead/Reveal)

11. EXT./ WINDING ROAD/LAGUNA MOUNTAINS COUNTRY CLUB
Tara drives a golf cart that says FUTURE PRO GOLFER on the side. They wind up hills and take sharp turns. The wind HOWLS and blows a map out of Tara’s hands. Davy catches it, then the wind blows it out of his hands. LIGHTNING STRIKES. They drive in circles and argue and end up at an abandoned country club.

Scene Arc: They going in the right direction, then they’re lost.
Essence: They’re lost.
Conflict: Tara thinks she knows the way but Meg says she’s going the wrong way.
Subtext: Tara doesn’t know where she’s going, and she has a bad sense of direction.
Hope/fear: We hope they can find their way to the garden house but we fear they’re lost.

Beginning: Tara drives a Tara drives a golf cart that says FUTURE PRO GOLFER on the side. They wind up hills and take sharp turns. (More Interesting Setting)

Middle: The wind HOWLS and blows the map out of Tara’s hands. Davy catches it, then the wind blows it out of his hands. (Major Twist/Uncertainty)

End: They drive around in circles and get lost (Major Twist/Uncertainty)

12. EXT./ WINDING ROAD/LAGUNA MOUNTAINS COUNTRY CLUB
Tara turns into a desolate long winding road filled with pot holes. They bounce along and don’t and see a sign that’s partially hidden behind overgrown tree branches. It says PRIVATE PROPERTY. HIT THE ROAD! THIS MEANS YOU! Tara winds through low hanging trees that block their vision, then come around a bend in the road, then a giant abandoned country club comes into view. She turns back, then runs over a big rake and pops all for tires. It starts to RAIN. They jump out and run to the front entrance.

Scene Arc: The car is driving fine at first, then the tire is popped and they’re stranded.
Essence: They’re stranded.
Conflict: Tara wants to leave but they won’t leave with her.
Subtext: This just isn’t Tara’s day.
Hope/fear: We hope they can leave. We fear that Davy and Meg are going to be left behind.

Beginning: Tara turns into a desolate long winding road filled with pot holes. They bounce along and doesn’t see a sign that partially hidden behind overgrown tree branches. It says PRIVATE PROPERTY. HIT THE ROAD! THIS MEANS YOU! (Suspense)

Middle: An abandoned country club comes into view. (Surprise)

End: Tara drives over a huge rake and pops a tire. It rains and they abandon the golf cart and run towards the main entrance. (Major Twist)

13. INT. LOBBY — LAGUNA MOUNTAINS COUNTRY CLUB – SAN DIEGO – DAY

The country club is built in the Art Deco style of the 1920s. Meg sits in an old chair. CRASH! It splinters and falls apart. She falls on the floor. Davy laughs. Tara said the place gives her the creeps and they should leave. Meg says she’s been here before in a dream. They hear loud BUGS HUMMING and FUNNY BUGGY LAUGHTER. They jump and look around, wide-eyed.

Scene Arc: They start out curious and then relax, then scared.
Essence: Something spooky is going on at the abandoned club.
Conflict: Meg and Davy want to stay but Tara wants to leave.
Subtext: Tara is intuitive and feels uneasy for some reason.
Hope/fear: We hope they’re safe at the club but we fear there could be danger.

Beginning: The country club is built in the Art Deco style of the 1920s. (More Interesting Setting) Meg sits in an old chair. CRASH! It splinters and falls apart. She falls on the floor. Davy laughs. (Surprise)

Middle: Tara says this place gives her the creeps. Meg says she’s been here before in a dream. (Intrigue)

End: They hear loud BUGS HUMMING and FUNNY BUGGY LAUGHTER. They jump and look around, wide-eyed. (Surprise/Uncertainty/Intrigue/Suspense)

14. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are now 8 feet tall and dressed in square dance costumes. They do a square dance and Big Betty calls the dance. They LAUGH and make playful loud BUGGY SOUNDS. She says this is the best day of the year!

Scene Arc: We hear bugs humming and then see 8 feet tall termites dancing.
Essence: These are mutant termites!
Conflict:
Subtext: There’s something strange going on here!
Hope/fear: We hope the bugs are friends, but we fear they might be mean.

Beginning: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are now 8 feet tall and dressed in square dance costumes. (More Interesting Setting/Superior Position)

Middle: They do a square dance and Big Betty calls the dance. (Superior Position)

End: She says this is day they’ve wait for all year (Suspense/Cliffhanger)

15. INT. LOBBY – LOBBY/HIDDEN STAIRCASE – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Tara gets up and says they need to leave. She trips on a magazine rack, then falls against a secret panel by the fireplace. It slides open. She trips again and rolls down a secret staircase and lands at Big Betty’s feet. Meg and Davy rust after her.

Scene Arc: Tara starts is in the lobby, then falls through a secret panel.
Essence: The country club is full of secrets!
Conflict: Tara wants to leave and Meg said they should stay and find a phone charger.
Subtext: Meg knows more than she’s letting on.
Hope/fear: We hope they’ll be safe, but we fear the Termo-Lytes are dangerous!

Beginning: Tara gets up and says they need to leave. She trips on a magazine rack, then falls against a secret panel by the fireplace. (Surprise/Intrigue)

Middle: It slides open. (Surprise/Intrigue)

End: She trips again and rolls down a secret staircase and lands at Big Betty’s feet. Meg and Davy rust after her. (Surprise/Intrigue)

ACT 3

16. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY – SAN DIEGO – DAY

The tunnel is filled with pots and pans, plates and utensil and glasses, like a caterer’s room. Bright green and blue lights cover the tunnel walls. Tara, Meg and Davy shrink back in terror. Davy hurls a plate at Big Betty but it bounces off her. They try to escape. The mutant bugs block their way then move closer. They surround them and continue their square dance.

Scene Arc: Tara, Meg and Davy went from safe to unsafe.
Essence: Big Betty and the Terma-Lytes may be dangerous!
Conflict: Tara, Meg and Davy want to leave but Big Betty won’t let them.
Subtext: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are dangerous!
Hope/fear: We hope they can leave but we fear they are trapped.

Beginning: The tunnel is filled with pots and pans, plates and utensil and glasses, like a caterer’s room. Bright green and blue lights cover the tunnel walls. (More Interesting Setting)

Middle: Davy hurls a plate at Big Betty but it bounces off her. (Surprise)

End: They try to escape. The mutant bugs block their way then move closer. They surround them and continue their square dance. (Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

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17. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Big Betty snatches drinks Meg’s green spirulina out of her hand. She drinks it in one gulp then grows taller. Tara grabs hurls Baby Ruth’s out of Davy’s backpack, then hurls them away down the tunnel. The Termo-Lytes run after the candy bars.

Scene Arc: The Termo-Lytes block their way then move away from them.
Essence: The Termo-Lytes are easy to distract.
Conflict: They want to get away from the Termo-Lytes but maybe they can’t!
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes can’t be trusted. They have ulterior motives.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara, Meg and Davy are OK but we fear they’re in danger.

Beginning: Big Betty snatches drinks Meg’s green spirulina out of her hand. (Surprise)

Middle: She drinks it in one gulp then grows taller. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: Tara grabs hurls Baby Ruth’s out of Davy’s backpack, then hurls them away down the tunnel. The Termo-Lytes run after the candy bars. (Surprise/Major Twist)

18. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY/LOBBY/HALLWAY – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara, Meg and Davy dash up the stairs. Tara trips and rolls back a few stairs and Davy comes back and helps her up. They rush into the lobby and slide the secret door behind them as Big Betty bangs on it and HOWLS IN RAGE. Meg points to a hallway that has a sign that says KITCHEN and they rush towards it.

Scene Arc: They start as prisoners to being free.
Essence: Tara is becoming proactive.
Conflict: They wanted to leave but the Termo-Lytes block their way.
Subtext: Tara is creative and getting braver.
Hope/fear: We hope they can get away but we fear they’re prisoners.

Beginning: Tara, Meg and Davy dash up the stairs. Tara trips and rolls back a few stairs and Davy comes back and helps her up. (Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: They rush into the lobby and slide the secret door behind them shut. as Big Betty bangs on it and HOWLS IN RAGE as she spits a foul sticky pink goo on the door. (Surprise/Uncertainty)

End: Big Betty bangs on the secret panel and HOWLS IN RAGE. She spits a foul sticky pink goo on the door. (Surprise/Uncertainty) Meg points to a hallway that has a sign that says KITCHEN and they rush towards it. (Surprise/Major Twist)

19. EXT./INT. BUILDING EXIT DOOR BY POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
The Termo-Lytes rush towards the pool that’s filled with murky green water and glowing. A tall totem has a mark that says SUMMER SOLSTICE. The totem comes to life and grins then goes to sleep. They get busy for the summer solstice brunch and ceremony and do a line dance to country music.

Scene Arc: They’re ready to eat Tara, Meg and Davy, then they’re celebrating.
Essence: The Termo-Lytes aren’t your average termites!
Conflict:
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes may be having Tara, Meg and Davy for brunch!
Hope/fear: We hope the Termo-Lytes are herbivores but they might be carnivores!

Beginning: The Termo-Lytes rush towards the pool that’s filled with murky green water and glowing. (More Interesting Setting)

Middle: A tall totem has a mark that says SUMMER SOLSTICE. The totem comes to life and grins then goes to sleep. (Surprise)

End: They get busy for the summer solstice brunch and ceremony and do a line dance to country music. (Surprise)

20. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Meg feels the wall covered by Tiki Totems and vintage travel posters. She finds a hidden lever. A secret door swings open to a hidden speakeasy bar with booze and a makeshift lab. Cobwebs cover the room and there’s a makeshift lab.

Scene Arc: They start in an industrial kitchen and end up in a hidden room.
Essence: This place is full of secret rooms.
Conflict:
Subtext: The makeshift lab and green goo may have revived the Termo-Lytes.
Hope/fear: We hope they can survive but we fear the Termo-Lytes may eat them!

Beginning: Meg feels the wall covered by Tiki Totems and vintage travel posters. (More Interesting Setting/Intrigue)

Middle: She finds a hidden lever. (Surprise)

End: A secret door swings open to a hidden speakeasy bar with booze and a makeshift lab. Cobwebs cover the room and there’s a makeshift lab. (Major Twist)

21. EXT. – POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty stops dancing. She tells everyone she has a plan. She pushes a vending machine filled with chocolate near the exit door. She breaks the glass and the candy falls out.

Scene Arc: Big Betty goes from playful to conniving.
Essence: Big Betty is up to no good!
Conflict:
Subtext: Big Betty is hatching an evil plan.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara, Meg and Davy will be OK, but we fear they’re in danger!

Beginning: Big Betty stops dancing. She tells everyone she has a plan. (Cliffhanger/Suspense)

Middle: She pushes a vending machine filled with chocolate near the exit door. (Intrigue/Mislead/Reveal)

End: She breaks the glass and the candy falls out. (Intrigue)

22. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM/INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/HALLWAY/EXIT DOOR
Davy smells something and perks up. He says he knows something good when he smells it. It’s his favorite… chocolate! He follows his nose towards the chocolate bars.

Scene Arc: Davy starts out safe then ends up in danger.
Essence: Davy is being tricked!
Conflict:
Subtext: Davy is moving towards danger.
Hope/fear: We wish Davy wouldn’t follow his nose, but we fear he will.

Beginning: Davy smells something and perks up. (Uncertainty)

Middle: He says he knows something good when he smells it. (Misinterpretation) It’s his favorite… chocolate! (Surprise)

End: He follows his nose towards the chocolate bars. (Suspense/Uncertainty)

23. EXT. EXIT DOOR/POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes hide behind some trees. Davy exits the building and runs towards the candy bars. He picks one up, takes off the wrapper and is about to take a bite when Big Betty steps forward. He screams. She snatches him up. Davy SCREAMS FOR HELP!

Scene Arc: Davy is safe in the building but then is in danger by the pool.
Essence: Davy is being lured into danger by Big Betty.
Conflict: We don’t want him to leave the building but he is lured away anyway.
Subtext: Davy is in danger.
Hope/fear: We hope he will survive but we fear the Termo-Lytes will eat him!

Beginning: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes hide behind some trees. (Intrigue/Suspense)

Middle: Davy exits the building and runs towards the candy bars. (Suspense)

End: He picks one up, takes off the wrapper and is about to take a bite when Big Betty steps forward. He screams. She snatches him up. Davy SCREAMS FOR HELP! (Mislead/Reveal/Major Twist).

ACT 4:

24. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR
Tara and Meg hear Davy’s screams for help. They rush down the hall but the exit door is stuck. Big Betty tosses Davy in the pool, then throws a net over the pool. He can’t get out! They finally get the door open.

Scene Arc: Davy is safe then he’s tossed in a murky pool
Essence: Davy is going to be brunch!
Conflict: Davy tries to get out of the pool but Big Betty stops him.
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes are sinister.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will be OK but we fear he will drown.

Beginning: Tara and Meg hear Davy’s screams for help. (Surprise) They rush down the hall but the exit door is stuck. (Surprise/Uncertainty)

Middle: Big Betty tosses Davy in the pool, then throws a net over the pool. (Surprise/Uncertainty)

End: They finally get the door open. (Suspense/Uncertainty)

25. EXT. PATH TO CADDY SHACK/CADDY SHACK/POOL PATIO
Tara and Meg rush to the caddy shack. The door is stuck, then it falls open and they sprawl on the floor and get covered by dust and cobwebs. They search for golf clubs and golf balls and find them hidden under some palm frond. They jump in a golf cart. It won’t start! Meg gets in the driver’s seat and Tara pushes it, then jumps in and roll downhill and over Big Betty’s toes. Meg twists her ankle and hides under a table.

Scene Arc: They start out safe, then out of danger, then back in danger.
Essence: Tara has a plan to rescue Davy.
Conflict: Tara is trying to rescue Davy but she only enrages Big Betty.
Subtext: Tara is getting braver and more creative.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will be okay but we fear he’ll drown.

Beginning: Tara and Meg rush to the caddy shack. The door is stuck, then it falls open and they sprawl on the floor and get covered by dust and cobwebs. (Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: They search for golf clubs and golf balls and find them hidden under some palm fronds. (Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: They jump in a golf cart. It won’t start! Meg gets in the driver’s seat and Tara pushes it, then jumps in and roll downhill and over Big Betty’s toes. Meg twists her ankle and hides under a table. (Suspense/Uncertainty/Surprise)

26. EXT. POOL/PATIO/CABANA/TUNNEL
Big Betty pulls off the net, scoops up Davy and stuffs him in her pocket. She rushes towards an old cabana. She kicks open the door, goes inside and presses a large pineapple ornament on the wall. A secret door swings open and it leads to a tunnel.

Scene Arc: Davy starts out in the pool and now he’s being carried away!
Essence: Davy is still in danger!
Conflict: Davy tries to get out of Big Betty’s grasp but she won’t let him go.
Subtext: Big Betty has plans for Davy!
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will survive but we fear he won’t!

Beginning: Big Betty pulls off the net, scoops up Davy and stuffs him in her pocket. (Intrigue/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: She rushes towards an old cabana. (Intrigue/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: She kicks open the door, goes inside and presses a large pineapple ornament on the wall. A secret door swings open and it leads to a tunnel. (Intrigue/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)

27. INT. TUNNEL/CAVE ON MOUNTAINSIDE
The tunnel blasts 1920s dance music and disco balls hang from the ceiling as lights dance off of the silver balls and sparkle on the walls. Big Betty dances and laughs as she lumbers along. She arrives at a cave that’s decked out in pastel colors, like an old-fashioned Victorian Bedroom. A sign on the wall says WELCOME TO BIG BETTY’S BOUDOIR. Glitter falls from the ceiling. She ties up Davy with a large ball of yarn and puts him in a cupboard filled with cobwebs.

Scene Arc: Davy is kidnapped then he gets tied up.
Essence: Davy is in danger!
Conflict: Davy tries to get away but Big Betty holds him tightly.
Subtext: Big Betty’s beautiful bedroom could be deadly for Davy.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy can escape but we fear he can’t get away.

Beginning: The tunnel blasts 1920s dance music and disco balls hang from the ceiling as lights dance off of the silver balls and sparkle on the walls. (More Interesting Setting) Big Betty dances and laughs as she lumbers along. (Mislead/Reveal/ Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: She arrives at a cave that’s decked out in pastel colors, like an old-fashioned Victorian Bedroom. (More Interesting Setting/Surprise/Intrigue)

End: A sign on the wall says WELCOME TO BIG BETTY’S BOUDOIR. Glitter falls from the ceiling. She ties up Davy with a large ball of yarn and puts him in a cupboard filled with cobwebs. (Intrigue/Supsense/Uncertainty)

28. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM
Tara grabs cloth napkins, bottles of booze and Meg’s lighter. She has too much to carry and drops several bottles of booze. They smash to smithereens. She regroups, grabs more bottles and rushes out.

Scene Arc: Tara starts with no plan and ends up with a plan.
Essence: Tara is fighting back against the Termo-Lytes.
Conflict:
Subtext: Tara is creative and will fight back. Hope/fear: We hope Tara’s plan will work but we worry that it won’t.

Beginning: Tara grabs cloth napkins, bottles of booze and Meg’s lighter. (Intrigue/Suspense)

Middle: She has too much to carry and drops several bottles of booze. They smash to smithereens. (Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: She regroups, grabs more bottles and rushes out. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

29. EXIT DOOR/POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara tries to lights a Molotov cocktail but it won’t light. She tries again, it lights then she and throws it at the Termo-Lytes. They scatter. She finds Meg hiding under the table. She says she’ll meet her soon at the caddy shack.

Scene Arc: Meg starts out a prisoner and ends up rescued.
Essence: Tara has a plan to defeat the Termo-Lytes.
Conflict: Big Betty tries to stop Tara but Tara wins.
Subtext: Tara is becoming assertive and creative.
Hope/fear: We hope Meg will be ok but we fear for her safety.

Beginning: Tara tries to lights a Molotov cocktail but it won’t light. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: She tries again, it lights then she and throws it at the Termo-Lytes. They scatter. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: She finds Meg hiding under the table. She says she’ll meet her soon at the caddy shack. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

30. TUNNEL/CAVE ON MOUNTAINSIDE

Tara trips on a box of dishes in the tunnel and scrapes her knee. She drops all but one bottle of booze and they shatter. She arrives at Big Betty’s Boudoir, and uses her last bottle of booze to light a Molotov cocktail at Big Betty and rescues Davy. They each jump in a giant pink plastic curler and roll down the side of the mountain.

Scene Arc: Davy is a prisoner but ends up rescued by Tara.
Essence: Tara is brave and creative.
Conflict: Big Betty tries to stop Tara but Tara wins.
Subtext: Tara is becoming assertive and creative.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will be ok but we fear for his safety.

Beginning: Tara trips on a box of dishes in the tunnel and scrapes her knee. She drops all but one bottle of booze and they shatter. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: She arrives at Big Betty’s Boudoir, and uses her last bottle of booze to light a Molotov cocktail at Big Betty and rescues Davy. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: They each jump in a giant pink plastic curler and roll down the side of the mountain. (More Interesting setting/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

31. INT. TUNNEL

Tara and Davy are chased down the hill by Big Betty. She yells at Tara through a giant megaphone and mocks Tara for being afraid of bugs. She says she and the Termo-Lytes were at the Halloween corn maze when she got lost there as a kid and they climbed on her foot and leg.

Scene Arc: Tara and Davy start at Big Betty’s bedroom and end up in the tunnel.
Essence: Tara is getting braver!
Conflict: Tara and Davy are trying to escape but Big Betty is trying to catch them.
Subtext: Big Betty knows something about Tara’s childhood wound.
Hope/fear: We hope they get away but we fear Big Betty will catch them.

Beginning: Tara and Davy are chased down the hill by Big Betty. (More Interesting Setting/ Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: She yells at Tara through a giant megaphone and mocks Tara for being afraid of bugs. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: She says she and the Termo-Lytes were at the Halloween corn maze when she got lost there as a kid and they climbed on her foot and leg. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

32. EXT. TUNNEL/POOL/PATIO
Davy and Tara hide behind a tree. Tara sticks out a pool pole and trips Big Betty. She rolls into the pool and flails around. The Termo-Lytes rush to help her. Tara and Davy run away. Tara pauses, runs back and sticks her tongue out at Big Betty and enrages her. She ROARS as Tara laughs.

Scene Arc: Big Betty is fine then ends up in the pool.
Essence: Big Betty can’t swim.
Conflict: Davy tries to trip Big Betty but the Termo-Lytes try to rescue her.
Subtext: Davy is creative and brave.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy is safe but we fear Big Betty will get him!

Beginning: Davy and Tara hide behind a tree. Tara sticks out a pool pole and trips Big Betty. (Mislead/Reveal/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: She rolls into the pool and flails around. The Termo-Lytes rush to help her. (Major Twist/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: Tara and Davy run away. Tara pauses, runs back and sticks her tongue out at Big Betty and enrages her. She ROARS as Tara laughs. (Character Changes Radically)

33. Ext. POOL/PATIO/CADDY SHACK/INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR
Tara, Davy rush to the Caddy shack and meet Meg there. They run into cobwebs and have to pull them off each other. They find croquet balls, golf balls, mallets and golf clubs under palm fronds. They rush to the speakeasy bar and dip the ball in olive oil and then in turmeric.

Scene Arc: They start at the caddy shack and end up in the speakeasy bar with a plan.
Essence: They have a plan to defeat the Termo-Lytes!
Conflict: The Termo-Lytes are nearby and they need to evade them.
Subtext: They have a creative plan.
Hope/fear: We hope their plan will work but we fear it won’t work.

Beginning: Tara, Davy rush to the Caddy shack and meet Meg there. They run into cobwebs and have to pull them off each other. (Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: They find croquet balls, golf balls, mallets and golf clubs under palm fronds. (Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: They rush to the speakeasy bar and dip the ball in olive oil and then in turmeric. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

34. INT. HALLWAY/INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM
Tara, Meg and Davy stuff the croquet and golf balls in their backpacks. They have to slow their pace because of Meg’s twisted ankle. They rush down a different hallway that Meg knows about. They exit through a different side door and sneak up to the hedges around the pool.

Scene Arc: They start out in the speakeasy bar and end up near the pool
Essence: They plan to kill the Termo-Lytes.
Conflict: They’re hiding but they might be seen by the Termo-Lytes.
Subtext: They’re in danger.
Hope/fear: We hope they won’t be seen but we fear the Termo-Lytes will hear them.

Beginning: Tara, Meg and Davy stuff the croquet and golf balls in their backpacks. They have to slow their pace because of Meg’s twisted ankle. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: They rush down a different hallway that Meg knows about. (Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: They exit through a different side door and sneak up to the hedges around the pool.

35. EXT. POOL/PATIO
A Termo-Lyte bangs a drum as the 10-second countdown begins. It’s Noon! The Summer Solstice! Sun touches the line on the Totem. The Totem wakes up and SINGS and LAUGHS. Big Betty does a ceremonial dance and all the Termo-Lytes dance around the totem, then bow down and pay homage to their Queen Big Betty. Tara step forward and hurls the poisoned croquet and golf balls at the Termo-Lytes. Big Betty grabs Davy and Meg and puts them in the pot. They are the main course.

Scene Arc: Davy and Meg start out safe and end up as the main course!
Essence: Davy and Meg are in danger!
Conflict: Tara is trying to kill Big Betty but she outsmarts them!
Subtext: Big Betty is devious and evil.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy and Meg survive but we fear they will perish.

Beginning: A Termo-Lyte bangs a drum as the 10-second countdown begins. It’s Noon! The Summer Solstice! (Major Twist/Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: The Totem wakes up and SINGS and LAUGHS. Big Betty does a ceremonial dance and all the Termo-Lytes dance around the totem, then bow down and pay homage to their Queen Big Betty. (Major Twist/Surprise/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: Tara step forward and hurls the poisoned croquet and golf balls at the Termo-Lytes. Big Betty grabs Davy and Meg and puts them in the pot. They are the main course. (Character Changes Radically)

36. EXT. POOL/PATIO
Big Betty yells at the Termo-Lytes to be careful but they don’t listen. They gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die and fall into the pool. Big Betty ROARS IN RAGE. She lights a fire under the pot. Tara hits a croquet ball at Big Betty and it bounces off her ear. She grabs her ear in pain and jumps around. Tara rescues Meg and Davy and puts out the fire.

Scene Arc: A Termo-Lyte is alive, then it dies.
Essence: Tara’s turmeric golf ball can kill a Termo-Lyte!
Conflict: Big Betty is trying to eat Davy and Meg for lunch.Tara is trying to save them.
Subtext: Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!
Hope/fear: We hope Tara’s turmeric golf ball kills the Termo-Lytes but we fear it won’t.

Beginning: Big Betty yells at the Termo-Lytes to be careful but they don’t listen. They gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die and fall into the pool. (Major Twist)

Middle: Big Betty ROARS IN RAGE. She lights a fire under the pot. (Suspense/Intrigue/Uncertainty)

End: . Tara hits a croquet ball at Big Betty and it bounces off her ear. She grabs her ear in pain and jumps around. Tara rescues Meg and Davy and puts out the fire. (Major Twist/Suspense/Intrigue/Uncertainty)

37. EXT. POOL/PATIO
Big Betty picks up Tara and opens her mouth to eat her. She says Tara will always be a scaredy cat and afraid of bugs. Tara hurls a croquet ball up Big Betty’s nose. Tara says her past doesn’t define her future. Big Betty breathes it in. Then she opens her mouth and puts Tara between her teeth. She breathes in the poison and dies. Tara jumps out of Big Betty’s teeth, jumps to a palm tree and shimmies down.

Scene Arc: Tara is in danger then she kills Big Betty.
Essence: Tara is brave and fights back.
Conflict: Big Betty is going to eat Tara but Tara fight back.
Subtext: Tara is no longer afraid of bugs, even giant mutant bugs!
Hope/fear: We hope Tara’s turmeric croquet ball works but we fear it won’t.

Beginning: Big Betty picks up Tara and opens her mouth to eat her. (Major Twist/Suspense/Intrigue/Uncertainty) She says Tara will always be a scaredy cat and afraid of bugs. (Intrigue/Mystery)

Middle: Tara hurls a croquet ball up Big Betty’s nose. Tara says her past doesn’t define her future. (Character Changes Radically/Intrigue/Suspense/Uncertainty)

End: Big Betty breathes it in. Then she opens her mouth and puts Tara between her teeth. She breathes in the poison and dies. Tara jumps out of Big Betty’s teeth, jumps to a palm tree and shimmies down. (Major Twist/Character Changes Radically)

38. EXT. FOUNTAIN AT COUNTRY CLUB MAIN ENTRANCE
Tara, Meg and Davy are safe but still stranded. Meg reveals that she used the money from her late husband’s estate to buy the country club. Meg wanted to build a new garden club, and created the green goo to kill the termites without harming any native plants. She didn’t know Spirulina brought termites to life and made them grow. Tad, Tara’s parents, and Clare and Max drives up in his hippy van to give them a ride home. He says the map they gave Tara was the wrong one!

Scene Arc: They go from stranded to rescued by Tad.
Essence: Tad is more than an old drunken hippy, he loves Meg!
Conflict:
Subtext: There’s more to Tad than meets the eye!
Hope/fear: We hope they find a way home but we fear they’re stranded.

Beginning: Tara, Meg and Davy are safe but still stranded. Meg reveals that she used the money from her late husband’s estate to buy the country club. (Mystery/Major Twist)

Middle: Meg wanted to build a new garden club, and created the green goo to kill the termites without harming any native plants. She didn’t know Spirulina brought termites to life and made them grow. (Mystery/Major Twist)

End: Tad, Tara’s parents, and Clare and Max drives up in his hippy van to give them a ride home. He says the map they gave Tara was the wrong one! (Mystery/Major Twist)

39. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM

ONE MONTH LATER: A rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eat away on the wood. The green goo starts to cover them. They start to come alive and grow bigger.

Scene Arc: The termites are dead, then they’re revived, and the cycle continues!
Essence: The green goo revives dead termites.
Conflict:
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes will be back!
Hope/fear: We hope the termites don’t come to life, but we fear they will.

Beginning: ONE MONTH LATER: A rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. (Major Twist/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)

Middle: The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eat away on the wood. (Suspense)

End: The green goo starts to cover them. They start to come alive and grow bigger. (Major Twist/Surprise/Suspense/Uncertainty)

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Herary’s Scene Requirements

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding scene requirements makes the scenes dynamic and fun!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

ACT 1:

1. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Toxic green goo oozes onto some dead termites and they come alive! Big Betty, the queen, turns pink, smiles and grows bigger and the Termo-Lytes grow bigger too.

Scene Arc: Termites are dead then come alive!
Essence: The rebirth of dead termites!
Conflict:
Subtext: The green goo has restorative powers.
Hope/fear: We hope the bugs are benign but we fear they could be evil.

2. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Big Betty shakes off dust and debris and sharpens her nails and primps in a mirror.

Scene Arc: Big Betty starts off disheveled and she gets pretty.
Essence: Big Betty has a personality.
Conflict:
Subtext: These are not normal termites.
Hope/fear: We hope they’re nice, but we fear they mean harm.

3. EXT./INT. CAR – SAN DIEGO – DAY

A bug flies into Tara’s car. She jumps out, climbs a tree as the bug chases her and her cell phone rings.

Scene Arc: Tara starts out driving and ends up, up a tree.
Essence: Tara is petrified of bugs.
Conflict: Tara vs. the bug.
Subtext: Something made Tara extremely afraid of bugs.
Hope/fear: We hope she’s okay, but we fear she may get stung.

4. EXT. – TARA’S BACKYARD – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara’s friends, and parents are enjoying the pool, and Davy. Tara munches on Cheez-Its and Davy pops out, startles her as she drops her box of crackers.

Scene Arc: Tara enters the back yard calm and is frightened when Davy pops out.
Essence: Davy is a pest.
Conflict: Tara wants to chill out and Davy won’t leave her alone.
Subtext: Why is this kid so annoying and who is he?
Hope/fear: We hope Tara doesn’t spill her Cheez-Its but we fear she will.

5. EXT. – TARA’S BACKYARD – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Davy annoys Tara then fixes the Tiki torches and the pool filter.

Scene Arc: Davy is a pest but redeems himself.
Essence: Davy has some good qualities.
Conflict: Tara wants Davy to leave but doesn’t want to say so.
Subtext: Davy is a pest most of the time.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will redeem himself but we’re afraid he’ll be asked to leave.

6. EXT./INT. TARA’S HOUSE – SAN DIEGO – DAY
It rain. Everyone runs inside. Davy takes over the remote. He orders THEM! Tara scowls and grabs the remote and changes to ESPN golf.

Scene Arc: It’s a great pool party, then it rains!
Essence: Davy likes bug movies and Tara hates them
Conflict: Davy tries to control the remote but Tara takes it away.
Subtext: Davy acts like he lives there.
Hope/fear: We hope they can get along but we fear they can’t.

7. EXT./INT. TARA’S HOUSE – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara’s parents remind her of the Home Garden Tour and she’s a back-up driver. She blushes and changes the subject.

Scene Arc: Tara starts out relaxed and ends up embarrassed.
Essence: Tara is sensitive about the tour.
Conflict: Tara’s parents want her on stand-by but she doesn’t want to go.
Subtext: Tara doesn’t want to go on the tour.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara will agree to go but we fear she won’t.

8. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tad, drives up in his beater car to drive for the tour. He’s hung over and falls asleep. Ted gets in the back seat and falls asleep.

Scene Arc: Tad arrives to be the driver but he can’t do it.
Essence: Tad isn’t reliable.
Conflict: Tara’s parents need Tad to drive, but he can’t do it.
Subtext: Tad has a drinking problem.
Hope/fear: We hope Tad can drive for the tour but we don’t think he can do it.

9. EXT./INT. TARA’S HOUSE – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara, Clare and Max load up their car for Disneyland. Tara’s Mom calls and coerces her into being a driver for the home garden tour.

Scene Arc: Tara, Clare and Max are excited about Disneyland then end up sad they can’t go.
Essence: Their plans for fun have been ruined.
Conflict: They want to go to Disneyland but Tara can’t join them.
Subtext: Tara’s parents are great at coercing her.
Hope/fear: We hope they can go to Disneyland but we fear they can’t go.

ACT 2:

10. EXT./ GARDEN CLUB PARKING LOT – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara arrives at the garden club. Her parents tell her she needs to drive Davy and his grandmother, Meg, on the garden tour and use the map.

Scene Arc: Tara still wants to go to Disneyland. She agrees to drive the home garden tour instead.
Essence: Tara’s plans have been dashed.
Conflict: Tara wants to go to Disneyland but her parents need her to drive for the home garden tour.
Subtext: Tara can’t say no to her parents.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara can say no to her parents but we fear she can’t say no.

11. EXT./ WINDING ROAD/LAGUNA MOUNTAINS COUNTRY CLUB
The wind blows a map out of Tara’s hands. They drive in circles and argue and end up at an abandoned country club.

Scene Arc: They going in the right direction, then they’re lost.
Essence: They’re lost.
Conflict: Tara thinks she knows the way but Meg says she’s going the wrong way.
Subtext: Tara doesn’t know where she’s going, and she has a bad sense of direction.
Hope/fear: We hope they can find their way to the garden house but we fear they’re lost.

12. EXT./ WINDING ROAD/LAGUNA MOUNTAINS COUNTRY CLUB
Tara jumps back in car, but Davy and Meg won’t get in. She tears out and drives over a rake and pops a tire and she’s stuck.

Scene Arc: The car is driving fine at first, then the tire is popped and they’re stranded.
Essence: They’re stranded.
Conflict: Tara wants to leave but they won’t leave with her.
Subtext: This just isn’t Tara’s day.
Hope/fear: We hope they can leave. We fear that Davy and Meg are going to be left behind.

13. INT. LOBBY — LAGUNA MOUNTAINS COUNTRY CLUB – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Meg and Davy relax in the lobby chairs but Tara said the place gives her the creeps and they should leave. They hear loud HUMMING. They jump and look around, wide-eyed.

Scene Arc: They start out curious and then relax, then scared.
Essence: Something spooky is going on at the abandoned club.
Conflict: Meg and Davy want to stay but Tara wants to leave.
Subtext: Tara is intuitive and feels uneasy for some reason.
Hope/fear: We hope they’re safe at the club but we fear there could be danger.

14. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY – SAN DIEGO – DAY

We hear a loud BUGS HUMMING and FUNNY LAUGHTER. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are now 8 feet tall as they dance around.

Scene Arc: We hear bugs humming and then see 8 feet tall termites dancing.
Essence: These are mutant termites!
Conflict:
Subtext: There’s something strange going on here!
Hope/fear: We hope the bugs are friends, but we fear they might be mean.

15. INT. LOBBY – LOBBY/HIDDEN STAIRCASE – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Tara leans against a secret panel by the fireplace, it slides open. She trips and rolls down the staircase and lands at Big Betty’s feet. Meg and Davy follow her.

Scene Arc: Tara starts is in the lobby, then falls through a secret panel.
Essence: The country club is full of secrets!
Conflict: Tara wants to leave and Meg said they should stay and find a phone charger.
Subtext: Meg knows more than she’s letting on.
Hope/fear: We hope they’ll be safe, but we fear the Termo-Lytes are dangerous!

ACT 3

16. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Tara, Meg and Davy shrink back in terror. The mutant bugs move closer.

Scene Arc: Tara, Meg and Davy went from safe to unsafe.
Essence: Big Betty and the Terma-Lytes may be dangerous!
Conflict: Tara, Meg and Davy want to leave but Big Betty won’t let them.
Subtext: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are dangerous!
Hope/fear: We hope they can leave but we fear they are trapped.

17. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Big Betty drinks Meg’s green spirulina shake and grows taller. The Termo-Tara hurls Baby Ruth’s down the tunnel and the Termo-Lytes run after the candy bars.

Scene Arc: The Termo-Lytes block their way then move away from them.
Essence: The Termo-Lytes are easy to distract.
Conflict: They want to get away from the Termo-Lytes but maybe they can’t!
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes can’t be trusted. They have ulterior motives.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara, Meg and Davy are OK but we fear they’re in danger.

18. INT. TUNNEL UNDER LOBBY/LOBBY/HALLWAY – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara, Meg and Davy dash up the stairs and into the lobby. Meg points to a hallway that has a sign that says KITCHEN and they rush towards it.

Scene Arc: They start as prisoners to being free.
Essence: Tara is becoming proactive.
Conflict: They wanted to leave but the Termo-Lytes block their way.
Subtext: Tara is creative and getting braver.
Hope/fear: We hope they can get away but we fear they’re prisoners.

19. EXT./INT. BUILDING EXIT DOOR BY POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
The Termo-Lytes rush towards the pool. A tall totem with a mark that says SUMMER SOLSTICE. They get busy for the summer solstice brunch and ceremony.

Scene Arc: They’re ready to eat Tara, Meg and Davy, then they’re celebrating.
Essence: The Termo-Lytes aren’t your average termites!
Conflict:
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes may be having Tara, Meg and Davy for brunch!
Hope/fear: We hope the Termo-Lytes are herbivores but they might be carnivores!

20. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM – SAN DIEGO – DAY
A secret door swings open to a hidden speakeasy bar with booze and a makeshift lab.

Scene Arc: They start in an industrial kitchen and end up in a hidden room.
Essence: This place is full of secret rooms.
Conflict:
Subtext: The makeshift lab and green goo may have revived the Termo-Lytes.
Hope/fear: We hope they can survive but we fear the Termo-Lytes may eat them!

21. EXT. – POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY

Big Betty stops dancing. She pushes a vending machine filled with chocolate near the exit door. She breaks the glass and the candy falls out.

Scene Arc: Big Betty goes from playful to conniving.
Essence: Big Betty is up to no good!
Conflict:
Subtext: Big Betty is hatching an evil plan.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara, Meg and Davy will be OK, but we fear they’re in danger!

22. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM/INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/HALLWAY/EXIT DOOR
Davy smells the chocolate and follows his nose towards the chocolate bars.

Scene Arc: Davy starts out safe then ends up in danger.
Essence: Davy is being tricked!
Conflict:
Subtext: Davy is moving towards danger.
Hope/fear: We wish Davy wouldn’t follow his nose, but we fear he will.

23. EXT. EXIT DOOR/POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Davy exits the building and runs towards the candy bars. Big Betty snatches him up. Davy SCREAMS FOR HELP!

Scene Arc: Davy is safe in the building but then is in danger by the pool.
Essence: Davy is being lured into danger by Big Betty.
Conflict: We don’t want him to leave the building but he is lured away anyway.
Subtext: Davy is in danger.
Hope/fear: We hope he will survive but we fear the Termo-Lytes will eat him!

ACT 4:

24. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR
They hear Davy’s screams for help and rush outside. Big Betty tosses Davy in the pool.

Scene Arc: Davy is safe then he’s tossed in a murky pool
Essence: Davy is going to be brunch!
Conflict: Davy tries to get out of the pool but Big Betty stops him.
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes are sinister.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will be OK but we fear he will drown.

25. EXT. PATH TO CADDY SHACK/CADDY SHACK/POOL PATIO
They rush to the caddy shack, grab some golf clubs and golf balls and jump in a golf cart and roll downhill over Big Betty’s toes.

Scene Arc: They start out safe, then out of danger, then back in danger.
Essence: Tara has a plan to rescue Davy.
Conflict: Tara is trying to rescue Davy but she only enrages Big Betty.
Subtext: Tara is getting braver and more creative.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will be okay but we fear he’ll drown.

26. EXT. POOL/PATIO/CABANA/TUNNEL
Big Betty grabs Davy and rushes towards and an cabana, where she enters it and opens a secret door that leads to a tunnel.

Scene Arc: Davy starts out in the pool and now he’s being carried away!
Essence: Davy is still in danger!
Conflict: Davy tries to get out of Big Betty’s grasp but she won’t let him go.
Subtext: Big Betty has plans for Davy!
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will survive but we fear he won’t!

27. INT. CAVE ON MOUNTAINSIDE
The cave is Big Betty’s fancy bedroom. She ties up Davy with a large ball of string.

Scene Arc: Davy is kidnapped then he gets tied up.
Essence: Davy is in danger!
Conflict: Davy tries to get away but Big Betty holds him tightly.
Subtext: Big Betty’s beautiful bedroom could be deadly for Davy.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy can escape but we fear he can’t get away.

28. INT. SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM
Tara grabs cloth napkins, bottles of booze and Meg’s lighter.

Scene Arc: Tara starts with no plan and ends up with a plan.
Essence: Tara is fighting back against the Termo-Lytes.
Conflict:
Subtext: Tara is creative and will fight back.
Hope/fear: We hope Tara’s plan will work but we worry that it won’t.

29. EXIT DOOR/POOL/PATIO – SAN DIEGO – DAY
Tara lights a Molotov cocktail and throws it at the Termo-Lytes. They scatter. She pulls Meg out of the pool and says she’ll meet her soon at the caddy shack.

Scene Arc: Meg starts out a prisoner and ends up rescued.
Essence: Tara has a plan to defeat the Termo-Lytes.
Conflict: Big Betty tries to stop Tara but Tara wins.
Subtext: Tara is becoming assertive and creative.
Hope/fear: We hope Meg will be ok but we fear for her safety.

30. TUNNEL/CAVE ON MOUNTAINSIDE
Tara throws a Molotov cocktail at Big Betty and rescues Davy. They run away.

Scene Arc: Davy is a prisoner but ends up rescued by Tara.
Essence: Tara is brave and creative.
Conflict: Big Betty tries to stop Tara but Tara wins.
Subtext: Tara is becoming assertive and creative.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy will be ok but we fear for his safety.

31. INT. TUNNEL
Tara and Davy are chased by Big Betty and Big Betty mocks Tara for her fear of bugs.

Scene Arc: Tara and Davy start at Big Betty’s bedroom and end up in the tunnel.
Essence: Tara is getting braver!
Conflict: Tara and Davy are trying to escape but Big Betty is trying to catch them.
Subtext: Big Betty knows something about Tara’s childhood wound.
Hope/fear: We hope they get away but we fear Big Betty will catch them.

32. EXT. TUNNEL/POOL/PATIO
Davy hides and sticks out a pool pole/net and trips Big Betty. She rolls into the pool and flails around the Termo-Lytes rush back to help her.

Scene Arc: Big Betty is fine then ends up in the pool.
Essence: Big Betty can’t swim.
Conflict: Davy tries to trip Big Betty but the Termo-Lytes try to rescue her.
Subtext: Davy is creative and brave.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy is safe but we fear Big Betty will get him!

33. Ext. POOL/PATIO/CADDY SHACK/INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR
Tara, Davy and Meg grab some croquet balls, golf balls, mallets and golf clubs. They rush to the speakeasy bar and dip the ball in olive oil and then in turmeric.

Scene Arc: They start at the caddy shack and end up in the speakeasy bar with a plan.
Essence: They have a plan to defeat the Termo-Lytes!
Conflict: The Termo-Lytes are nearby and they need to evade them.
Subtext: They have a creative plan.
Hope/fear: We hope their plan will work but we fear it won’t work.

34. INT. HALLWAY/INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM
Tara, Meg and Davy find stuff the croquet and golf balls in their backpacks and rush out a side door and sneak up to the hedges around the pool.

Scene Arc: They start out in the speakeasy bar and end up near the pool
Essence: They plan to kill the Termo-Lytes.
Conflict: They’re hiding but they might be seen by the Termo-Lytes.
Subtext: They’re in danger.
Hope/fear: We hope they won’t be seen but we fear the Termo-Lytes will hear them.

35. EXT. POOL/PATIO
Tara step forward and hurls the poisoned croquet and golf balls at the Termo-Lytes. Big Betty grabs Davy and Meg and puts them in the pot. They are the main course.

Scene Arc: Davy and Meg start out safe and end up as the main course!
Essence: Davy and Meg are in danger!
Conflict: Tara is trying to kill Big Betty but she outsmarts them!
Subtext: Big Betty is devious and evil.
Hope/fear: We hope Davy and Meg survive but we fear they will perish.

36. EXT. POOL/PATIO
Big Betty lights a fire under the pot. Tara hits a golf ball and it goes up a Termo-Lyte’s nose and it rolls over and dies. She rescues Meg and Davy and they start to run away.

Scene Arc: A Termo-Lyte is alive, then it dies.
Essence: Tara’s turmeric golf ball can kill a Termo-Lyte!
Conflict: Big Betty is trying to eat Davy and Meg for lunch.Tara is trying to save them.
Subtext: Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!
Hope/fear: We hope Tara’s turmeric golf ball kills the Termo-Lytes but we fear it won’t.

37. EXT. POOL/PATIO
Big Betty picks up Tara. Tara hurls a croquet ball up Big Betty’s nose and she dies.

Scene Arc: Tara is in danger then she kills Big Betty.
Essence: Tara is brave and fights back.
Conflict: Big Betty is going to eat Tara but Tara fight back.
Subtext: Tara is no longer afraid of bugs, even giant mutant bugs!
Hope/fear: We hope Tara’s turmeric croquet ball works but we fear it won’t.

38. EXT. FOUNTAIN AT COUNTRY CLUB MAIN ENTRANCE
Tara, Meg and Davy are safe but still stranded. Tad, Tara’s parents, and Clare and Max drives up in his hippy van to give them a ride home.

Scene Arc: They go from stranded to rescued by Tad.
Essence: Tad is more than an old drunken hippy, he loves Meg!
Conflict:
Subtext: There’s more to Tad than meets the eye!
Hope/fear: We hope they find a way home but we fear they’re stranded.

39. INT. INDUSTRIAL KITCHEN/SPEAKEASY BAR ROOM

ONE MONTH LATER: A rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eat away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them and they start to come alive and grow bigger.

Scene Arc: The termites are dead, then they’re revived, and the cycle continues!
Essence: The green goo revives dead termites.
Conflict:
Subtext: The Termo-Lytes will be back!
Hope/fear: We hope the termites don’t come to life, but we fear they will.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Intriguing Moments

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…that having lots of intriguing moments in my script adds a lot of excitement and fun, which I hope will intrigue the reader and the audience too.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

ACT 1: Tara takes a wrong turn!

1. Superior Position: Toxic green goo oozes onto some dead termites and they come alive!

2. Intrigue/Mystery: Big Betty, the largest Termo-Lyte, starts to grow and smiles like a Cheshire cat when her clan start to grow too.

3. Mystery: Big Betty pulls out a nail file and starts to sharpen her nails and laughs. She picks up a hand mirror and admires herself in the mirror.

4. Mystery: Big Betty HUMS then leads the clan in a HUM-A-LONG. ADD FUNNY SONG.

5. Mystery: A bug flies into Tara’s car and she screams runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree as the bug follows her.

6. Mystery: Tara’s cell phone rings when she’s in the tree and she says she hasn’t forgot and will be there soon.

7. Mystery: Tara drives up to her house and parks and she hears laughter from her backyard.

8. Superior Position: Davy is hiding behind a plant. He jumps out and scares her and he screams and her Cheeze-Its fly everywhere as Davy laughs. Tara’s best friend, Clare, and Clare’s cousin, Max, are at a table near the pool, getting food. Tara’s Mom and Dad serving non-alcoholic cocktails. They laugh too.

9. Tara scowls when Davy grabs a handful of M&M’s in a bowl on the table, pops them in his mouth and says on the table with the snacks and Davy says he can smell chocolate a mile away.

10. Davy does a cannon ball jump into the pool, then makes a pest out of himself as everyone laughs, except Tara.

11. Davy demands better snacks as Tara picks up the Cheeze-Its on the ground and rolls her eyes and groans. Davy complains that there’s no almond butter for his Hershey’s chocolate bar. Tara tells him to take it up with the Management as Tara’s Mom and Dad laugh.

12. Tara’s Dad says they’ll be sure to pick up more peanut butter at Jensen’s as he chuckles with Tara’s Mom.

13. Mystery/Intrigue: Davy redeems himself by saying he’s a kid of many talents as Tara, Max and Clare scoff and laugh at him. Then Davy fixes the spraying floating pool filter and the broken Tiki torches. They get the tiki torches lit up and the music playing.

14. CRACK! Lightning strikes on the horizon. Everyone jumps. It’s a summer Monsoon. They grab the food and drinks and laugh as they run inside as starts to rain and the group runs inside and plops on the couch.

15. Davy grabs the remote control out of Tara’s hand as she scowls and tries to get it back but he’s too fast. He selects Amazon Prime and orders THEM!

16. Mystery: As the movie starts and the giant ants show up and make a loud HUMMING sound, Tara hides her face behind her a pink and purple magic unicorn pillow. Davy pokes fun of her and Tara’s Mom laughs and brings in snacks.

17. Davy demands peanut butter since they don’t have almond butter to dip his Hershey’s bar in while Tara and Clare and Max look at him with big eyes and open mouths and shake their heads as Tara’s Mom and Dad laugh and her Dad goes in the kitchen and brings back some peanut butter for Davy, to his delight.

18. Mystery: Tara shudders at the giant ants in THEM! She distracts Davy, grabs the remote from his hand and switches to a Rom/Com, then puts down her pillow and smiles.

19. Mystery: Davy grabs the remote and switches it back to THEM! Tara protests and throws her pillow at Davy, who dodges it and ignores her and stuffs his face with snacks. Tara and her friends stare at Davy as Tara’s parents chuckle.

20. Tara’s Dad reminds her that Davy is their guest as Tara nods her understanding to her parents but makes a face at Davy.

21. Tara says guest rhymes with pest as she makes a face at Davy as everyone laughs.

22. Mystery: Tara’s Mom and Dad mention the Home Garden Tour in a few days and reminds her she’s a backup driver, and it’ll be good for her. She rolls her eyes and changes the subject.

23. Tara’s Mom shows her a map for the tour. Each group goes to a different area, then switches the next day to tour a different group of home gardens.

24: Mystery: Tara turns red and changes the subject again.

25. Tara is embarrassed because she can’t read a map, so she changes the subject.

26. Mystery: Davy says he might go on the tour with his grandmother. Tara’s Mom says she really likes Davy’s grandmother, and the garden tour is in two days as she smiles and says it will be a lot of fun for the garden club members.

27. Mystery: Davy says he wishes his parents can go but they have abandoned him for the summer as he slumps and frowns. Tara’s Mom says that can’t be true and gives him a hug.

28. Mystery: Clare reminds Tara that they’re going on a post-graduation trip to her favorite place on earth, the same day as the garden tour.

29. Max says he’d like to ride the Pirates of the Caribbean with Tara and she blushes and Davy groans and Tara throws popcorn at him.

30. Mystery: Wed morning at the garden club, Tad, Peg’s “gentleman friend” drives up in his beater car, and it’s clear he’s really hung over and he says he has a splitting headache.

31. Ted waves at Meg then gets in his back seat and falls asleep as Meg yells at him and the crowd stares, eyes wide open.

32. Meg can’t drive because she has a cast on her leg from a broken ankle and she wrings her hands. She tries to wake up Tad but he’s fast asleep and snoring. Meg scowls at him. All the cars are full up and leaving. Tara’s Mom is driving one car, and Tara’s Dad is driving another.

33. Tara and Clare and Max are at Tara’s house, loading up the car with snacks as they tease each other and laugh as they prepare for the road trip to Disneyland.

34. Mystery: Tara gets the call from her Mom that they need her to drive two members since they can’t fit in her car. She doesn’t want to do it but her Mom guilts her into driving and reminds her it will be good for her, and one of her friends will be there, so she agrees to do it.

INCITING INCIDENT: Tara’s parents coerce her into driving the tour group, despite her protests of not being able to read a map.

35. Tara shows up at the Garden Club, and scowls and moans when she sees Davy and Peg. Mom hugs her and gives her the map and says she’ll be fine. They’ll all meet back at the club at 6 pm for dinner.

36. Covert Agenda: Tara sneezes, coughs and groans and says she’s thinks she’s coming down with something and she doesn’t want to get Meg and Davy sick. Her Mom chuckles and says just a few minutes ago, Tara was well enough to go to Disneyland.

37. Mystery: Tara’s smile turns to a frown when Tara’s Mom wonders if she’s really sick.

38. Mystery: She takes Tara’s temperature and then frowns. It’s normal. She scowls then agrees to drive Davy and his grandmother, Meg, on the home garden tour. Davy laughs and sticks his tongue out at Tara.

39. Mystery/Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Meg hugs Tara and thanks her, then smiles and makes her a secret green spirulina shake for Tara to help her cold. Meg says she’s been mixing up a lot of green goo lately…to drink! HUMOR. FORESHADOWING.

40. Mystery/Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Meg takes a sip of the green shape and repeats a FUNNY and MYSTERIOUS PHRASE.

Note: Whenever Meg has a sip of the green shake, she repeats a FUNNY PHRASE.

41. Mystery: In the car, Davy drives Tara crazy with his constant bragging that he can fix anything, and since Tara’s car is making noises, he can fix it. FORESHADOWING

42. Tara is so annoyed at Davy, she says it would be better if he’s not around.

43. Mystery: Davy gets quiet and says nobody wants him around, even his in-laws. Tara is puzzled, Tara says she’s just joking and fluffs his hair and says it’s OK and gets cheerful and says they’ll have fun today, and Davy perks up and smiles.

44. Meg says Davy has an overactive imagination and laughs. FORESHADOWING.

45. On the drive, a storm starts, the map blows out of Tara’s hands and out the window.

46. Tara pulls over and chases it down but can’t catch it as the wind whips it out of her hand. Tara’s cell phone goes dead and she yells. Peg doesn’t believe in cell phones so she doesn’t have one and Davy forgot his at home as Tara rolls her eyes.

47. Mystery: Tara makes a wrong turn and they go in circles until turn into a long driveway that leads the abandoned Laguna Mountains Country club, built in 1925. SPEAKEASY REPUTATION. Tara groans and turns red.

ACT 2: Tara comes face-to-face with her greatest fear: giant bugs!

48. Mystery/Secret: They pull up to the country club reception area, and get out of the car, Tara gets spooked and says she hears HUMMING, like bugs and something’s not right. Meg says she knows she’s been here before, when times were much better…long that ago.

49. Mystery: Tara jumps back in her car and says this place is bad news and tells Meg and Davy to get in. She tears around the circular driveway and runs over a big metal rake and pops a tire and yells.

50. Tara jumps in the backseat and puts her magic unicorn pillow over her head as Davy and Meg stare at her and laugh.

51. Meg says they should go inside and see if there’s electricity, so Tara can charge her phone.

52. Mystery: Meg coaxes Tara out of the backseat. Meg tries to coax her into the lobby/reception. Tara hesitates but says she she’s been a devout coward forever, and although this place gives her the creeps, she doesn’t want to be in the parking lot alone.

53. Mystery/Intrigue: Meg smiles says once the phone is charged, they’ll call for help. They hear loud HUMMING near them and they all jump and look around, wide-eyed.

54. Mystery: We hear a loud HUMMING and FUNNY LAUGHTER. In the tunnel under the dining room, Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are now 8 feet tall as they dance around and laugh.

55. Mystery: Big Betty is SINGING A FUNNY SONG about the best day of the year (summer solstice).

56. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Big Betty sniffs the air and says she smells brunch! She puts on a big apron and HUMS loudly and laughs as the other Termo-Lytes join laugh!

57. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Big Betty pledges her love to her Termo-Lyte Clan as she hugs the Termo-Lytes. As the Queen, she will lead the charge so they survive, and she knows a way they can even thrive. She winks and laughs and picks up something and charges around like it’s a sword as everyone laughs.

58. Mystery: Tara says this place gives her the creeps they shouldn’t be here. It’s not all it seems. She shivers as she tries to run out the front door.

59. Meg stops Tara and says they need to seek shelter or Tara’s cold could turn into pneumonia. Tara starts to sneeze and she grabs her Cheeze-Its out of her backpack and starts munching on them and then she calms down.

60. Mystery: Tara questions how Meg seems to know her way around the country club. FORESHADOWING. Meg smiles and pats Tara’s arm and says she’s been in so many country clubs in her day, they’re all alike.

61. Mystery: Davy rustles in his backpack and says he has a cure for the common cold.

62. Mystery/Secret: Tara and Meg look interested and amused. Then Davy pulls out a few Baby Ruths and hands one to Meg, then gobbles one down and laughs and shrugs.

63. Tara offers Cheez-Its to Davy and Meg but Davy says it’s junk food and politely declines the snacks. Tara and Meg stare at him in disbelief as Meg takes a few Cheeze-Its.

64. Superior Position: In the tunnel under the lobby, Big Betty and her Termo-Lytes are MUNCHING LOUDLY on FOOD left over…provisions and HUMMING.

65. Mystery: Tara and Davy and Meg get jump and look around when they hear LOUD MUNCHING and HUMMING sounds.

66. Mystery: They try to run out but Meg stops them and says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees against the building but Tara says it’s something else, but Meg talks them into calming down. Meg reminds them they need to find a working outlet to charge Tara’s phone and call for help.

67. Superior Position: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ3: Big Betty and her clan are in a tunnel, planning a feast, mixing up dishes and moving here and there.

68. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Big Betty is picking pots and pans out of boxes and off of shelves and throws them at the Termo-Lytes to catch. She smiles sweetly, then has an evil grin and LAUGHS and says their summer solstice meal will have a special main course.

69. Mystery: Tara and the group are in the lobby, directly over Big Betty and her clan and they hear odd sounds that sound like a LAUGH and their eyes open wide as they look around them.

70. Mystery: Tara argues with Meg and says they need to get out of there because this place is spooky and who knows what’s around the corner and Davy says he agrees with Tara. Meg says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees outside and not to worry and that old buildings always have strange sounds.

71. Mystery/Superior Position: Big Betty hears Tara and the group arguing and shushes the Termo-Lytes. They get quiet.

72. Mystery/Covert Agenda/Superior Position: Big Betty grins widely, and smothers a LAUGH as green goo slips off of her body and onto the floor.

73. Mystery/Covert Agenda/Superior Position: Big Betty dips her long fingernail in the green goo and writes BRUNCH in giant letters on the wall and draws an arrow pointing upward and smiles.

74. Mystery/Covert Agenda/Superior Position: The Termo-Lytes smile and nod yes and put their bibs on!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and the group for brunch!

75. Mystery/Intrigue/Secret: Tara leans against a secret panel by the fireplace and screams as she falls into a hidden staircase and rolls down it into the tunnel. Meg and Davy hesitate, but hear Tara’s moans and then follow her down the staircase and into the tunnel.

76. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Tara and the group come face-to-face with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes! Big Betty leans over Tara and smacks her lips and smiles as Tara shrinks back and tries to scream but can’t.

77. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Big Betty smiles and says, “Oh goody, brunch is served!” as she claps her hands to rally the Termo-Lytes.

ACT 3: Tara and the group must fight for their lives to stay alive!

Add: Mystery/Intrigue: chase scenes through the tunnels,
Add: Mystery/Secret: Tara hides in a speakeasy bar in a secret room off of the kitchen.
Add: Mystery/Secret: Tara gets chased to a speakeasy cave filled with booze. She grabs a couple bottles of booze and stuffs them in her backpack. She uses Meg’s lighter to make a Molotov cocktails to distract Big Betty.
Add: Scheme/Secret: Tara tells Meg to hide in the caddy shack while she and Dave sneak out to the croquet lawn and he grabs the broken mallets and some palm fronds from the outdoor pool
Add: Mystery/Intrigue/Secret/Covert Agenda: Tara and Meg confront Big Betty in her boudoir in her cave where she finds where Davy is hidden. They distract her and find Davy, and they roll down the hill in her giant plastic curlers and end up at the croquet field as Big Betty chases them.

78. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Tara screams and tries to run but Big Betty’s big arms block her way and laughs and says they have plans for her and the kid and old bag.

79. Mystery/Covert Agenda/Hidden Identity: Big Betty introduces herself and her clan, the newly revived Termo-Lytes, who started out 1 million years ago as she puffs out her chest. She says green is her still her new fave color. She invites them to stay for brunch and enjoy the main course and LAUGHS.

80. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Tara sees BRUNCH and the arrow scrawled on the all as her eyes get big and she can’t speak.

81. Covert Agenda: As Meg shakes and taps her foot and lights up a cigarette and she and Davy cower as the Termo-Lytes surround them, Tara snaps out of her fear and says they’re going to be lunch if they don’t get out of there fast!

82. Big Betty frowns and grabs the cigarette out of Meg’s hand and points to a NO SMOKING sign down the hall and LAUGHS. She says, “Don’t you know smoking is bad for your health?”

83. Sabotage: While Big Betty is distracted by laughing at her own joke, Tara grabs Meg’s crutches and hits Big Betty on one of her giant painted red toenails, pissing off the Queen of the Termo-Lytes.

84. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Davy says they need to run for their lives and Big Betty picks him up and examines him then puts him down as he shakes. She says he’s a little chubby and would he like to join them for desert for their Summer Solstice feast and she laughs.

85. Covert Agenda/Scheme: Davy swaggers smiles and tries to charm Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes by offering to fix the broken door above them.

86. Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Big Betty turns on the charm, turning beautiful colors as she welcomes them to her humble home.

87. Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Tara is dazzled by Big Betty’s lovely colors and falls under her spell for a moment, and tells Davy and Meg that maybe Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes just want to be friends, and they mean no harm, and they’ve invited them to their Summer Solstice brunch so they must be nice after all.

88. Mystery: Davy says he might be a pest but he knows a predator when he sees one. He tells Tara to snap out of it and he pulls her hair and snaps her out of her trance.

89. Covert Agenda: The Termo-Lytes look hungry and advance on them, holding forks and knives and bibs on.

90. Covert Agenda/Scheme: Big Betty holds her clan back and says they act like children and not to worry, they’re herbivores anyway and gives them a Cheshire Cat grin.

91. Tara tries to run away but the bottom of the stairs is blocked by Big Betty.

92. Covert Agenda/Scheme: Big Betty insists that Tara and her friends stay for their Summer Solstice Feast. They will be her guests of honor! It’s at the big outdoor pool and patio nearby.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty won’t let Tara and the group leave. They’re trapped!

93. Covert Agenda/Scheme: Big Betty reassures the group and talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.” The Summer Solstice happens in one hour, at 12 pm, when the sun strikes the top line on the tiki totem by the pool.

94. Covert Agenda/Scheme: Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here for her clan. They need more food to have baby Termo-Lytes and help them grow up to 8 feet.

94. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Meg’s water bottle filled with her green spirulina shake rolls out of her purse and Big Bettie jumps around and laughs with glee.

95. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Big Betty snatches it up. She admires it then open takes a swig and says green is her new “fave” color!

96. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Big Betty grows one foot taller and turns dark red and orange flashing colors. Her eyes flash red. Big Betty gets mean and scary.

97. Mystery/Covert Agenda: Big Betty pours the rest of the green shake on the floor and tells the clan to have some.

98. Mystery/Covert Agenda: The Termo-Lytes lap up the green goo and grow one foot taller too as Big Betty laughs and cheers them on.

99. Covert Agenda: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes advance on Tara and Davy and Meg.

100. Covert Agenda: Big Betty starts to HUM loudly and the Termo-Lytes join her in a Hum-a-long. Note: Add a funny SONG.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty was lying! She and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and her group for brunch!

101. Covert Agenda/Scheme: Davy starts munching on a Baby Ruth and offers Big Betty one.

102. Covert Agenda: Big Betty snatches it out of Davy’s hand and gobbles it down. She tells Davy too many sweets with rot his teeth. She smiles sweetly as her sharp pointed teeth glisten and laughs.

103. Covert Agenda: Big Betty advances on Davy as he shrinks back and she tries to convince Davy that she can trust him. When he moves towards her in friendship, she snatches him up. She LAUGHS and says she lied, she is an omnivore after all.

104. Covert Agenda: Tara grabs Davy’s stash of candy bars out of his backpack, pauses and gives Davy a sly grin and a wink. She hurls the candy bars towards the other end of the tunnel, ignoring Davy’s protests.

105. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes chase after the candy bars.

106. Tara dashes for the stairs and motions for Meg and Davy to follow her.

107. Tara and the group run up the secret stairs and slam the door behind them as Big Betty and the Termo—Lytes almost catch them but are too big to fit through the secret door at the top of the stairs.

108. Covert Agenda: Big Betty tells the Termo-Lytes to follow her as she lumbers down the tunnel.

109. Covert Agenda/Intrigue: Big Betty yells, “The feast must go on! Summer Solstice is just around the corner! We have a new main course!” and she laughs.

110. Mystery/Intrigue: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes exit the building and run towards a large outdoor pool with a patio area. The pool is filled with palm fronds and flowers from nearby trees.

111. Mystery/Intrigue: Big Betty motions to a sign that says Big Betty’s Summer Solstice Wing-Ding! There’s a big pot that’s boiling soup over a pile of wood, and she laughs when she points to the pot.

112. Covert Agenda/Intrigue: The pot gives off steam and Big Betty pulls out a giant ladle and tastes the liquid and says it needs more flavor, and laughs. She says she has a new ingredient that and will give it just the kick it needs. She does a dance and the Termo-Lytes join in with her dance.

113. Tara and Davy helps Meg on her crutches as they slowly make their way through a hallway off the lobby.

114. Meg sees a sign that says KITCHEN and says they can hide in the large industrial kitchen.

115. Secret/Intrigue: Tara gets her courage up and finds a light switch and it lights up the room. She searches for weapons on the shelves that are stocked with giant cans of food. She pulls a giant can of olive oil off the shelf and the shelf swings open and reveals a secret room behind the kitchen.

116. Mystery: Tara, Davy and Meg go into the secret room and stop and their eyes open wide and Tara whistles. The room has a vintage bar and bottles of booze and a roulette table. At the bar is a makeshift lab, where there are all sorts of sizes of bottles and jars and a jar labeled SPIRULINA. It looks like Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory and somebody has been experimenting with different herbs and spirulina.

117. Mystery/Intrigue/Secret: Meg says this must be an old speakeasy bar, from the 1920s, when the country club was built. Tara questions how Meg can know so much about this place.

118. Mystery/Intrigue/Secret: Tara says the jar of SPIRULINA looks like the same stuff that Meg made Tara’s cold recovery shake out of and Meg turns red and changes the subject, but Tara said maybe that’s what’s making Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes get bigger and meaner.

119. Mystery/Intrigue/Secret: Meg lights up a cigarette and her hand shakes as she dismisses the idea and says it must be some toxic pesticide that’s making Big Betty and her clan so big. She changes the subject and says they should look for a good outlet to charge Tara’s phone.

121. Superior Position/Covert Agenda: Near the pool, Big Betty pushes a vending machine closer to the patio. The vending machine has Butterfingers and Baby Ruth’s. Then she tears off the wrappers on some Baby’s Ruth’s and puts them on a table.

122. Covert Agenda: Davy smells chocolate and wanders away without Tara and Meg noticing. He walks down the hallway and follows his nose to a sign that says POOL THIS WAY.

ACT 3: TURNING POINT

123. Covert Agenda: Davy smells the chocolate and smiles and walks to the vending machine. Big Betty sneaks up behind him and snatches him as he SCREAMS FOR HELP!
ALL IS LOST!

ACT 4: Tara saves Davy and they kill Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!

124. Covert Agenda/Unsolvable Problem: Big Betty says she has a treat for Davy. She drops him into the pool full of palm fronds and flowers as he yells for help. She says he’ll be safe until the Summer Solstice brunch in 30 minutes.

Note: Covert Agenda: Add a scene where Meg and Tara get in a golf cart and Tara pushes Meg down a hill and jumps in the cart and they she run over Big Betty’s toes. Big Betty runs after them and trips on something and gets stopped by a tennis court net.

Add: Mystery/Covert Agenda/Intrigue: Davy and Meg and are chased by Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to through a winding tunnel, where Tara freezes up and then end up at a cave built into the mountain, with a frilly bedroom. Who’s is it? It’s Big Betty’s boudoir, or her bedroom.

Add: Secret/Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Big Betty questions why Tara has been so afraid of bugs and has no sense of direction. She reveals she and her Termo-Lytes were the bugs crawling on Tara’s leg when she was 5 years old when she got lost at the Halloween corn maze. Tara cries and Big Betty taunts her and says she was a coward then and she’s a coward now. Tara gets mad and YELLS back at Big Betty and decides to fight with all her might.

125. Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Tara and Meg hear Davy’s SCREAMS. She says she has an idea and grins. She grabs some cloth napkins, opens some bottles of booze and grabs Meg’s lighter out of her hands and says come on, we need to rescue Davy.

126. Covert Agenda: Tara uses the bottles of scotch and Meg’s lighter to make Molotov cocktails, which she hurls at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes, pissing them off even more.

127. Covert Agenda: Big Betty dances and sings and HUMS as the the Termo-Lytes join her in her joy and prepare for their summer solstice feast at a covered patio next to outdoor pool.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes will be celebrating their return to the living!

128. Covert Agenda: Tara sneaks outside and grabs some croquet balls in the caddy shack in a grassy area near the pool.

129. Covert Agenda: Tara hurls some of the balls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention.

130. Covert Agenda: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes run away to catch the croquet balls.

131. Intrigue: Tara yells at Davy and says she’s going to get him out of the pool. She runs back and picks up some golf clubs from the caddy shack and uses one to rescue Davy from the pool.

132. Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Tara tells Davy she and Meg have a plan to kill the Termo-Lytes. Davy asks what it is and Tara says he’ll see. They run back to the speakeasy bar/lab where Meg is mixing potions.

133. Mystery: At the speakeasy bar/lab, Meg shakes and then she breaks down and cries and calls herself a loser. They says she’s a good person and Davy says she’s a warrior princess because she just rescued him. Tara says they need to learn the truth about her and she tells her story about the maze and termites when she was a kid.

134. Tara and Davy comfort her and the three have a group hug.

135. Mystery/Intrigue: Meg reveals she was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites but the spirulina makes them grow! She had no idea and didn’t mean for them to grow and know she’s afraid of what she’s done and the consequences.

136. Mystery/Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Tara yells with joy as she points to a turned over bottle of Turmeric that fell on a plant and it’s dying fast. She says she has a plan.

137. Covert Agenda: Tara says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric. It might kill the Termo-Lytes.

138. Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Big Betty is on the patio area near the pool, where she leads them in a SING-A-LONG. A clock shows 11:55 a.m. It’s five minutes until the Summer Solstice and the party will soon begin with a special main course on its way and she laughs.

139. Covert Agenda: The Termo-Lytes follow Big Betty’s orders and quickly set up the tables and decorations for the Summer Solstice Feast.

140. Covert Agenda: Big Betty motions that the big soup pot is boiling over and ready and she does a victory lap around the pool. She just needs to go find the main course to flavor the pot, and she’s sure they can’t be far away.

141. Mystery: It’s almost 12 pm – the exact hour when the sun cover the half-way Summer Solstice mark on the tall totem by the pool.

142. Mystery: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes dance around the totem and sign a FUNNY BUG SONG and start to count down ten to one.

143. Big Betty looks at her watch and announces it 12 pm, the Summer Solstice.

144. The sun casts a shadow on the mark on the totem where it says SUMMER SOLTICE.

145. Big Betty says welcome Summer Solstice! The Termo-Lytes go crazy in a frenetic dance!

146. Covert Agenda: Tara and the rush out outside and hurl the croquet balls dipped in olive oil and turmeric at the Termo-Lytes.

147. Covert Agenda: The Termo-Lytes gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die one by one, except for Betty, who is too smart to eat the balls.

148. Covert Agenda: Big Betty is enraged and turns red and orange and advances on them, nails out and teeth gleaming.

149. Covert Agenda/Secret/Scheme: Big Betty pops a poisoned croquet ball into her mouth, but doesn’t swallow it.

150. Covert Agenda/Secret/Scheme: Big Betty falls on the ground and rolls around and fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy as she turns into the lovely pastel and glittering colors.

151. Covert Agenda/Secret/Scheme: Tara falls for Big Betty’s crying routine and starts to pat Big Betty’s foot to comfort her.

152. Unsolvable Problem/Covert Agenda: Big Betty grabs Tara as Tara screams and Big Betty threatens to eat her!

153. Mystery/Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Big Betty spits out the poisoned croquet ball sits up and LAUGHS.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty is the source of Tara’s childhood fear of bugs and lack of a sense of direction!

154. Mystery: Big Betty tells Tara she knew her when she was a kid. Then she says she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze and makes Tara shake and cry as Tara remembers her past trauma and comments on it and how it’s affected her life.

155. Mystery/Intrigue/Covert Agenda: Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and it will be fun to have a new main course for their summer solstice feast.

156. Covert Agenda/Unsolvable Problem: Big Betty reminds Tara that she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against her as Tara shivers and cries.

157. Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago at the corn maze, because the farmer sprayed them with pesticides the next day.

158. Big Betty blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting all the Termo-Lytes out of business!

159. Unsolvable Problem: Big Betty stands up, scoops up Tara and grabs a large bottle of salt and pours some on Tara and then opens her mouth to eat her as Tara screams.

160. Tara shrinks back and freezes, then Davy yells at her to not give up and to fight back.

CLIMAX

161. Covert Agenda: Tara snaps out of it and grabs the last of the Turmeric balls out of her backpack and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril.

162. Big Betty breaths in the poisoned croquet ball, moans loudly and dies instantly!

163. The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes!

164. Mystery/Unsolvable Problem: Tara and Davy and Meg hurry away, laughing. They sit on the fountain by the main entrance, hugging each other, then wondering what they should do next to get home. The sun has come out and the clouds have cleared away.

165. Unsolvable Problem: A bug lands on Tara’s shoe and she cringes for a moment and shivers. Then she composes herself and laughs. Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!

RESOLUTION

166. Mystery: The sun clears the clouds away as Tad drives up in his hippy van with Tara’s Mom and Dad and Clare and Max, much to Tara, Davy and Meg’s surprise. Tad says he took a wrong turn following the map, and it turns out the map was wrong!

167. Mystery: Ted proposes to Meg and reveals he’s not the unemployed bum she thinks he is. He’s the owner of a gold mine. He’s not a bum after all!

168. Clare and Max said they couldn’t go to Disneyland without Tara. Max says Tara’s the only girl he want to go on Pirates with.

169. Mystery: Tara blushes, then notices Davy looking sad. She hugs him and say she won’t go to Disneyland without her best bud, Davy, and he smiles and says he can’t wait to go as the group cheers and Max and Clare says Davy is welcome to join them.

170. Mystery: Tara’s Mom’s phone rings. She says it’s some people who are very important on the phone. She hands Davy the phone. It’s Davy’s parents are calling him via WhatsApp. They tell him they miss him so much, they’re cutting their trip short and will be home tomorrow night as Davy whoops for joy.

171. Mystery/Superior Position: One month later: Inside the speakeasy lab: a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor.

172. Covert Agenda/Superior Position: The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eat away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them and they start to come alive and grow bigger.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Emotional Moments

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies and my audiences laugh a lot and I become independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding actions that cause emotions makes the beats of my outline more exciting and fun!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

ACT 1: Tara takes a wrong turn!

1. Mirth/Surprise: Big Betty/The Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ1: The toxic green goo oozes onto her and her clan and they come alive!

2. Surprise: Big Betty starts to grow and smiles like a Cheshire cat when her clan start to grow too.

3. Mirth: Big Betty pulls out a nail file and starts to sharpen her nails and laughs. She picks up a hand mirror and admires herself in the mirror.

4. Mirth: Big Betty HUMS then leads the clan in a HUM-A-LONG. ADD FUNNY SONG.

Deeper Layer: The green goo is dangerous because it brings termites back to life and makes them bigger!

5. Surprise/Mirth: Tara PJ 1: A bug flies into Tara’s car and she runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree as the bug follows her.

6. Mirth: A cop and a few people nearby laugh at Tara. FUNNY SCENE

7. Surprise/Mirth: While up in the tree, Tara gets a cell phone call from her Mom, reminding her that Max and Clare are at her house for the pool party.

8. Tara drives up to her house and parks, hearing laughter from her backyard.

9. Tara goes through the backyard gate, munching on Cheez-Its.

10. Surprise/Mirth: Davy is hiding behind a plant. He jumps out and scares her and he screams and her Cheeze-Its fly everywhere as Davy laughs. Tara’s best friend, Clare, and Clare’s cousin, Max, are at a table near the pool, getting food. Tara’s Mom and Dad serving non-alcoholic cocktails. They laugh too.

11. Annoyance: Tara PJ 2: Tara scowls when Davy grabs a handful of M&M’s in a bowl on the table, pops them in his mouth and says on the table with the snacks and Davy says he can smell chocolate a mile away.

12. Surprise/Mirth: Davy does a cannon ball jump into the pool, then makes a pest out of himself as everyone laughs, except Tara.

13. Annoyance/Mirth: Davy demands better snacks as Tara picks up the Cheeze-Its on the ground and rolls her eyes and groans. Davy complains that there’s no almond butter for his Hershey’s chocolate bar. Tara tells him to take it up with the Management as Tara’s Mom and Dad laugh.

14. Mirth: Tara’s Dad says they’ll be sure to pick up more peanut butter at Jensen’s as he chuckles with Tara’s Mom.

15. Success: Davy redeems himself by fixing the spraying floating pool filter and the broken Tiki torches. They get the tiki torches lit up and the music playing. Note: In Act 4, Davy fixes broken croquet mallets by wrapping them with palm fronds from the outside pool.

16. Surprise/Mirth: CRACK! Lightning strikes on the horizon. Everyone jumps. It’s a summer Monsoon. They grab the food and drinks and laugh as they run inside as starts to rain and the group runs inside and plops on the couch.

17. Surprise/Annoyance: Davy grabs the remote control out of Tara’s hand as she scowls and tries to get it back but he’s too fast. He selects Amazon Prime and orders THEM!

18. Fear/Mirth: As the movie starts and the giant ants show up and make a loud HUMMING sound, Tara hides her face behind her a pink and purple magic unicorn pillow. Davy pokes fun of her and Tara’s Mom laughs and brings in snacks.

19. Appalled/Mirth: Davy demands peanut butter since they don’t have almond butter to dip his Hershey’s bar in while Tara and Clare and Max look at him with big eyes and open mouths and shake their heads as Tara’s Mom and Dad laugh and her Dad goes in the kitchen and brings back some peanut butter for Davy, to his delight.

20. Fear/Relief/Joy: Tara shudders at the giant ants in THEM! She distracts Davy, grabs the remote from his hand and switches to a Rom/Com, then puts down her pillow and smiles.

21. Surprise/Frustration/Indifference/Mirth: Davy grabs the remote and switches it back to THEM! Tara protests and throws her pillow at Davy, who dodges it and ignores her and stuffs his face with snacks. Tara and her friends stare at Davy as Tara’s parents chuckle.

22. Compliant/Annoyance: Tara’s Dad reminds her that Davy is their guest as Tara nods her understanding to her parents but makes a face at Davy.

23. Mirth: Tara says guest rhymes with pest as she makes a face at Davy as everyone laughs.

24. Annoyance/Avoidance: Tara PJ 3: Tara’s Mom and Dad mention the Home Garden Tour in a few days and reminds her she’s a backup driver. She rolls her eyes and changes the subject.

25. Tara’s Mom shows her a map for the tour. Each group goes to a different area, then switches the next day to tour a different group of home gardens.

26. Embarrassment: Tara turns red and changes the subject again.

Deeper Layer: Tara is embarrassed because she can’t read a map, so she changes the subject.

27. Happiness: Davy says he might go on the tour with his grandmother. Tara’s Mom says she really likes Davy’s grandmother, Meg, and the garden tour is in two days as she smiles and says it will be a lot of fun for the garden club members.

28. Sadness/Defeat: Davy says he wishes his parents can go but they have abandoned him for the summer as he slumps and frowns. Tara’s Mom says that can’t be true and gives him a hug.

29. Clare reminds Tara that they’re going on a post-graduation trip to Disneyland on Wed, the same day as the garden tour.

30. Embarrassment/Disgust: Max says he’d like to ride the Pirates of the Caribbean with Tara and she blushes and Davy groans and Tara throws popcorn at him.

31. Frustration/Anger/Appalled: Wed morning at the garden club, Tad, Peg’s “gentleman friend” drives up in his beater car, and it’s clear he’s really hung over and he says he has a splitting headache. He waves at Meg then gets in his back seat and falls asleep as Meg yells at him and the crows stares, eyes wide open.

32. Frustration/Anger: Meg can’t drive because she has a cast on her leg from a broken ankle and she wrings her hands. She tries to wake up Tad but he’s fast asleep and snoring. Meg scowls at him. All the cars are full up and leaving. Tara’s Mom is driving one car, and Tara’s Dad is driving another.

33. Excitement: Tara and Clare and Max are at Tara’s house, loading up the car with snacks as they tease each other and laugh as they prepare for the road trip to Disneyland.

34. Frustration/Sacrifice: Tara gets the call from her Mom that they need her to drive two members since they can’t fit in her car. She doesn’t want to do it but her Mom guilts her into driving so she agrees to do it.

INCITING INCIDENT: Tara’s parents coerce her into driving the tour group, despite her protests of not being able to read a map.

35. Frustration/Annoyance: Tara shows up at the Garden Club, and scowls and moans when she sees Davy and Peg. Mom hugs her and gives her the map and says she’ll be fine. They’ll all meet back at the club at 6 pm for dinner.

36. Mirth/Hopeful/Frustration/Sacrifice/Mirth/Winning: Tara PJ 4: Tara sneezes and says she’s coming down with a cold and she doesn’t want to get Meg and Davy sick. Her Mom chuckles and says just a few minutes ago, Tara was well enough to go to Disneyland. Tara’s smile turns to a frown when Tara’s Mom takes her temperature and it’s normal. She scowls then agrees to drive Davy and his grandmother, Meg, on the home garden tour. Davy laughs and sticks his tongue out at Tara.

37. Grateful/Mirth: Meg hugs Tara and thanks her, then smiles and makes up a green spirulina shake for Tara to help her cold. Meg says she’s been mixing up a lot of green goo lately…to drink! HUMOR. FORESHADOWING.

Note: Whenever Meg has a sip of the green shake, she repeats a FUNNY PHRASE.

38. Annoyance: In the car, Davy drives Tara crazy with his constant bragging that he can fix anything, and that Tara’s car is making noises and needs a tune up. FORESHADOWING

39. Annoyance: Tara is so annoyed at Davy, she says it would be better if he’s not around.

40. Sadness/Confused/Hopeful: Davy gets quiet and says his parents have abandoned him. Tara is puzzled, Tara says she’s just joking and fluffs his hair and says it’s OK and gets cheerful and says they’ll have fun today, and Davy perks up and smiles.

41. Mirth: Meg says Davy has an overactive imagination and laughs. FORESHADOWING.

42. Surprise/Frustration/Disgust: TURNING POINT 1: On the drive, a storm starts, the map blows out of Tara’s hands and out the window as she yells and Tara’s cell phone goes dead and she yells. Peg doesn’t believe in cell phones so she doesn’t have one and Davy forgot his at home as Tara rolls her eyes.

43. Frustration/Embarrassment: Tara makes a wrong turn and they end up at the abandoned Laguna Mountains Country club, built in 1925. SPEAKEASY REPUTATION. Tara groans and turns red.

ACT 2: Tara comes face-to-face with her greatest fear: giant bugs!

44. Fear: They pull up to the country club reception area, and get out of the car, Tara gets spooked and says she hears HUMMING, like bugs and something’s not right. Meg says she knows she’s been here before, when times were much better…long ago.

45. Fear/Frustration: Tara jumps back in her car and says this place is bad news and tells Meg and Davy to get in. She tears around the circular driveway and runs over a big metal rake and pops a tire and yells.

46. Fear/Surprise/Mirth: Tara jumps in the backseat and puts her magic unicorn pillow over her head as Davy and Meg stare at her and laugh.

47. Hopeful: Meg says they should go inside and see if there’s electricity, so Tara can charge her phone.

48. Dilemma/Fear: Meg coaxes Tara out of the backseat. Meg tries to coax her into the lobby/reception. Tara hesitates but says she she’s a devout coward, and although this place gives her the creeps, she doesn’t want to be in the parking lot alone.

49. Hopeful/Surprise: Meg smiles says once the phone is charged, they’ll call for help. They hear loud HUMMING near them and they all jump and look around, wide-eyed.

50. Mirth: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ2: In the tunnel under the dining room, Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are now 8 feet tall as they dance around and laugh.

51. Joyful: Big Betty is SINGING A FUNNY SONG.

52. Happy/Mirth: Big Betty sniffs the air and says she smells brunch! She puts on a big apron and HUMS loudly and laughs as the other Termo-Lytes join laugh!

53. Love/Enthusiastic/Bravery: Big Betty pledges her love to her Termo-Lyte Clan as she hugs the Termo-Lytes. As the Queen, she will lead the charge so they thrive and survive. She picks up something and charges around like it’s a sword as everyone laughs.

54. Fear: Tara PJ 5: Tara says this place gives her the creeps and she shivers as she tries to run out the front door.

55. Distress/Relief: Meg stops Tara and says they need to seek shelter or Tara’s cold could turn into pneumonia. Tara starts to sneeze and she grabs her Cheeze-Its out of her backpack and starts munching on them and then she calms down.

56. Reassuring: Tara PJ 6: Tara questions how Meg seems to know her way around the country club. FORESHADOWING. Meg smiles and pats Tara’s arm and says she’s been in so many country clubs in her day, they’re all alike.

57. Mirth: Davy rustles in his backpack and pulls out a Baby Ruth and gobbles it down and laughs and shrugs.

58. Disbelief: Tara offers Cheez-Its to Davy and Meg but Davy says it’s junk food and politely declines the snacks and Tara and Meg stare at him in disbelief as she takes a few Cheeze-Its.

59. Contentment: In the tunnel under the lobby, Big Betty and her Termo-Lytes are MUNCHING LOUDLY on FOOD left over…provisions and HUMMING.

60. Surprise/Fear: Tara and Davy and Meg get jump and look around when they hear LOUD MUNCHING and HUMMING sounds.

61. Fear/Calmness: They try to run out but Meg stops them and says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees against the building and they calm down. Meg reminds them they need to find a working outlet to charge Tara’s phone and call for help.

62. Excitement: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ3: Big Betty and her clan are in a tunnel, planning a feast, moving here and there.

63. Mirth/Love/Excitement: Big Betty is picking pots and pans out of boxes and off of shelves and throws them at the Termo-Lytes to catch. She smiles sweetly, then has an evil grin and LAUGHS.

64. Fear: Tara and the group are in the lobby, directly over Big Betty and her clan and they hear odd sounds that sound like a LAUGH and their eyes open wide as they look around them.

65. Frustration: Tara argues with Meg and says they need to get out of there and Davy says he agrees with Tara. Meg says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees outside and not to worry and that old buildings always have strange sounds.

66. Surprise/Compliant: Big Betty hears Tara and the group arguing and shushes the Termo-Lytes. They get quiet.

67. Mirth: Big Betty grins widely, and smothers a LAUGH as green goo slips off of her body and onto the floor.

68. Mirth: Big Betty dips her long fingernail in the green goo and writes BRUNCH in giant letters on the wall and draws an arrow pointing upward and smiles.

69. Happiness/Compliance: The Termo-Lytes smile and nod yes and put their bibs on!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and the group for brunch!

70. Surprise/Hesitation: Tara leans against a secret panel by the fireplace and screams as she falls into a hidden staircase and rolls down it into the tunnel. Meg and Davy hesitate, but hear Tara’s moans and then follow her down the staircase and into the tunnel.

72. Fear: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Tara PJ 7: Tara and the group come face-to-face with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes! Big Betty leans over Tara and smacks her lips and smiles as Tara shrinks back and tries to scream but can’t.

73. Excitement: Big Betty smiles and says, “Oh goody, brunch is served!” as she claps her hands to rally the Termo-Lytes.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 3: Tara and the group must fight for their lives to stay alive!

Note: Add: chase scenes through the tunnels,
Add: Tara hides in a speakeasy bar in a secret room off of the kitchen.
Add: Tara gets chased to a speakeasy cave filled with booze. She grabs a couple bottles of booze and stuffs them in her backpack. She uses Meg’s lighter to make a Molotov cocktails to distract Big Betty.
Add: Tara tells Meg to hide in the caddy shack while she and Dave sneak out to the croquet lawn and he grabs the broken mallets and some palm fronds from the outdoor pool

74. Fear/Mirth: Tara screams and tries to run but Big Betty’s big arms block her way and laughs.

75. Prideful: Big Betty introduces herself and her clan, the newly revived Termo-Lytes, who started out 1 million years ago as she puffs out her chest. She invites them to stay for brunch and LAUGHS.

76. Fear: Tara PJ 8: Tara sees BRUNCH and the arrow scrawled on the all as her eyes get big and she can’t speak.

77. Nervousness/Fear/Resolve: As Meg shakes and taps her foot and lights up a cigarette and she and Davy cower as the Termo-Lytes surround them, Tara snaps out of her fear and says they’re going to be lunch if they don’t get out of there fast!

78. Disgust/Mirth: Big Betty frowns and grabs the cigarette out of Meg’s hand and points to a NO SMOKING sign down the hall and LAUGHS. She says, “Don’t you know smoking is bad for your health?”

79. Mirth/Anger: While Big Betty is distracted by laughing at her own joke, Tara grabs Meg’s crutches and hits Big Betty on one of her giant painted red toenails, pissing off the Queen of the Termo-Lytes.

80. Fear/Firth: Davy says they need to run for their lives and Big Betty picks him up and examines him then puts him down as he shakes. She says he’s a little chubby and will make an excellent desert for their Summer Solstice feast and she laughs.

81. Confident/Brave/Hopeful: Davy swaggers smiles and tries to charm Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes by offering to fix the broken door above them.

82. Betrayal: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ4: Big Betty turns on the charm, turning beautiful colors as she welcomes them to her humble home.

83. Charmed: Tara is dazzled by Big Betty’s lovely colors and falls under her spell for a moment, and tells Davy and Meg that maybe Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes just want to be friends, and they mean no harm, and they’ve invited them to their Summer Solstice brunch so they must be nice after all.

84. Suspicious: Davy says he might be a pest but he knows a predator when he sees one. He tells Tara to snap out of it and he pulls her hair and snaps her out of her trance.

85. Expectant: The Termo-Lytes look hungry and advance on them, holding forks and knives and bibs on.

86. Covert: Big Betty holds her clan back and says they act like children and not to worry, they’re herbivores anyway and gives them a Cheshire Cat grin.

87. Fear: Tara PJ 9: Tara tries to run away but the bottom of the stairs is blocked by Big Betty.

88. Excitement/Deceitful: Big Betty insists that Tara and her friends stay for their Summer Solstice Feast. They will be her guests of honor! It’s at the big outdoor pool and patio nearby.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty won’t let Tara and the group leave. They’re trapped!

89. Excitement/Anticipation: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ5: Big Betty reassures the group and talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.” The Summer Solstice happens in one hour, at
12 pm, when the sun strikes the top line on the tiki totem by the pool.

90. Excitement: Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here for her clan. They need more food to have baby Termo-Lytes and help them grow up to 8 feet.

91. Surprise: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ6: Meg’s water bottle filled with her green spirulina shake rolls out of her purse.

92. Excitement: Big Betty snatches it up. She admires it then open takes a swig and says green is her new “fave” color!

93. Anger: Big Betty grows one foot taller and turns dark red and orange flashing colors. Her eyes flash red. Big Betty gets mean and scary.

94. Love: Big Betty pours the rest of the green shake on the floor and tells the clan to have some.

95. Mirth/Excitement: The Termo-Lytes lap up the green goo and grow one foot taller too as Big Betty laughs and cheers them on.

96. Menacing: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes advance on Tara and Davy and Meg.

97. Mirth/Joy: Big Betty starts to HUM loudly and the Termo-Lytes join her in a Hum-a-long. Note: Add a funny SONG.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty was lying! She and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and her group for brunch!

98. Covert: Tara PJ 10: Davy starts munching on a Baby Ruth and offers Big Betty one.

99. Mirth: Big Betty snatches it out of Davy’s hand and gobbles it down. She tells Davy too many sweets with rot his teeth. She smiles sweetly as her sharp pointed teeth glisten and laughs.

100. Fear/Mirth/Betrayal: Big Betty advances on Davy as he shrinks back and she tries to snatch him up. She LAUGHS and says she lied, she is an omnivore after all.

101. Hopeful: Tara grabs Davy’s stash of candy bars out of his backpack and hurls them towards the other end of the tunnel.

102. Excitement: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ7: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes chase after the candy bars.

103. Winning: Tara PJ 11: Tara dashes for the stairs and motions for Meg and Davy to follow her.

104. Winning: Tara and the group run up the stairs and slam the door behind them as Big Betty and the Termo—Lytes almost catch them but are too big to fit through the secret door at the top of the stairs.

105. Conniving: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ8: Big Betty tells the Termo-Lytes to follow her as she lumbers down the tunnel.

106. Excitement/Mirth: Big Betty yells, “The feast must go on! Summer Solstice is just around the corner! Those humanoids will be our main course!” and she laughs.

107. Excitement: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes exit the building and run towards a large outdoor pool with a patio area. The pool filled with palm fronds and flowers from nearby trees.

108. Excitement/Mirth/Joy: Big Betty motions to a sign that says Big Betty’s Summer Solstice Wing-Ding! There’s a big pot that’s boiling soup over a pile of wood. The pot gives off steam and Big Betty pulls out a giant ladle and tastes the liquid and says it needs more flavor, and humanoids will give it just the kick it needs. She does a dance and the Termo-Lytes join in with her dance.

109. Bonding: Tara PJ 12: Tara and Davy helps Meg on her crutches as they slowly make their way a hallway off the lobby.

110. Success: Meg sees a sign that says KITCHEN and they hide in the large industrial kitchen.

111. Courageous: Tara gets her courage up and finds a light switch and it lights up the room. She searches for weapons on the shelves that are stocked with giant cans of food. She pulls a giant can of olive oil off the shelf and the shelf swings open and reveals a secret room behind the kitchen.

112. Excitement/Surprise/Admiration: Tara, Davy and Meg go into the secret room and stop and their eyes open wide and Tara whistles. The room has a vintage bar and bottles of booze and a roulette table. At the bar is a makeshift lab, where there are all sorts of sizes of bottles and jars and a jar labeled SPIRULINA. It looks like Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory and somebody has been experimenting with different herbs and spirulina.

113. Suspicious: Meg says this must be an old speakeasy bar, from the 1920s, when the country club was built. Tara questions how Meg can know so much about this place.

114. Suspicious/Embarrassment: Tara says the jar of SPIRULINA looks like the same stuff that Meg made Tara’s cold recovery shake out of and Meg turns red and changes the subject, but Tara said maybe that’s what’s making Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes get bigger and meaner.

115. Nervous/Deceitful: Meg lights up a cigarette and her hand shakes as she dismisses the idea and says it must be some toxic pesticide that’s making Big Betty and her clan so big and she says they should look for a good outlet to charge Tara’s phone.

116. Excitement: Davy smells chocolate and wanders away without Tara and Meg noticing. He walks down the hallway and follows his nose to a sign that says POOL THIS WAY.

117. Conniving: Near the pool, Big Betty pushes a vending machine closer to the patio. The vending machine has Butterfingers and Baby Ruth’s.

ACT 3: TURNING POINT

118. Contentment/Surprise: Davy smells the chocolate and smiles and walks to the vending machine and Big Betty sneaks up behind him and snatches him as he SCREAMS FOR HELP! ALL IS LOST!

ACT 4: Tara saves Davy and they kill Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!

119. Conniving/Fear/Deceitful: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Big Betty drops Davy into the pool full of palm fronds and flowers as he yells for help. She says he’ll be safe until the Summer Solstice brunch in 30 minutes.

Note: Add a scene where Meg and Tara get in a golf cart and Tara pushes her down a hill, where she runs over Big Betty’s toes and Big Betty runs after them and trips on something and gets stopped by a tennis court net. Add scene where Davy and Meg and are chased by Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to through a winding tunnel, where Tara freezes up and then end up at a cave built into the mountain, which is Big Betty’s boudoir, or her bedroom. Big Betty reveals she and her Termo-Lytes were the bugs crawling on Tara’s leg when she was 5 years old when she got lost at the Halloween corn maze and she taunts Tara that she was a coward then and she’s still a coward. Tara gets mad and YELLS back at Big Betty and decides to fight with all her might.

120. Winning: Tara and Meg hear Davy’s SCREAMS and she grabs some cloth napkins, opens some bottles of booze and grabs Meg’s lighter out of her hands and says come on, we need to rescue Davy.

121. Courageous/Winning/Anger: Tara uses the bottles of scotch and Meg’s lighter to make Molotov cocktails, which she hurls at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes, pissing them off even more.

122. Excitement/Mirth/Betrayal: Big Betty dances and sings and HUMS as the the Termo-Lytes join her in her joy and prepare for their summer solstice feast at a covered patio next to outdoor pool.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes will be celebrating their return to the living!

123. Courageous: Tara PJ 12: Tara sneaks outside and grabs some croquet balls in a grassy area near the pool.

124. Courageous/Winning: Tara hurls some of the balls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention.

125. Deceived: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ10: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes run away to catch the croquet balls.

126. Courageous/Winning: Tara PJ 13: Tara rescues Davy from the pool WITH WHAT?

127. Excitement: Tara and Davy run back to the speakeasy lab where Meg is mixing potions.

128. Embarrassment/Defeat: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Meg shakes and then she breaks down and cries and calls herself a loser as she tells Tara and Davy that she owns the country club and the story behind the green goo.

129. Love/Bonding: Tara PJ 14: Tara and Davy comfort her and the three have a group hug.

130. Shock/Regret: Meg says was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites but the spirulina makes them grow! She had no idea and didn’t mean for them to grow and know she’s afraid of what she’s done and the consequences.

131. Surprise/Excitement/Winning: Tara PJ 15: Tara yells with joy as she points to a turned over bottle of Turmeric that fell on a plant and it’s dying fast.

132. Hopeful: Tara says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric. It might kill the Termo-Lytes.

133. Mirth/Joy/Anticipation: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ11: Big Betty is on the patio area near the pool, where she leads them in a SING-A-LONG. A clock shows 11:55 a.m. It’s five minutes until the Summer Solstice.

134. Compliant: The Termo-Lytes follow Big Betty’s orders and quickly set up the tables and decorations for the Summer Solstice Feast.

135. Excitement/Joy/Anticipation: Big Betty motions that the big soup pot is boiling over and ready and she does a victory lap around the pool. She just needs to search for the humanoids to flavor the pot, who can’t be far away. It’s almost 12 pm – the exact hour when the sun cover the half-way Summer Solstice mark on the tall totem by the pool.

136. Joy/Mirth: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes dance around the totem and sign a FUNNY BUG SONG.

137. Anticipation: Big Betty looks at her watch and announces it 12 pm, the Summer Solstice.

138. The sun casts a shadow on the mark on the totem where it says SUMMER SOLTICE.

139. Joy/Mirth: Big Betty says welcome Summer Solstice! The Termo-Lytes go crazy in a frenetic dance!

140. Courageous/Surprise: Tara PJ 16: Tara and the rush out outside and hurl the croquet balls dipped in olive oil and turmeric at the Termo-Lytes.

141. Betrayal/Suspicious: The Termo-Lytes gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die one by one, except for Betty, who is too smart to eat the balls.

142. Rage/Viciousness: Big Betty is enraged and turns red and orange and advances on them, nails out and teeth gleaming.

143. Suspicious: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ12: Big Betty pops a poisoned croquet ball into her mouth, but doesn’t swallow it.

144. Deceitful: Big Betty falls on the ground and rolls around and fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy.

145. Sympathetic/Comforting/Bonding: Tara falls for Big Betty’s crying routine and starts to pat her foot to comfort her.

146. Surprise/Fear/Menacing: Big Betty grabs Tara as Tara screams and she threatens to eat her!

147. Deceitful/Mirth: Big Betty spits out the poisoned croquet ball sits up and LAUGHS.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty is the source of Tara’s childhood fear of bugs and lack of a sense of direction!

148. Wounds/Distress: Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ13: Big Betty tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze and makes Tara shake and cry as Tara remembers her past trauma and comments on it and how it’s affected her life.

149. Mirth: Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat!

150. Mean: Big Betty reminds Tara that she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against her.

151. Anger: Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago at the corn maze, because the farmer sprayed them with pesticides the next day.

152. Anger: Big Betty blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!

153. Betrayal/Fear: Big Betty stands up, scoops up Tara and opens her mouth to eat her as Tara screams.

154. Fear/Bonding: Tara shrinks back and freezes, then Davy yells at her to not give up.

CLIMAX

155. Courageous/Winning: Tara snaps out of it and grabs the last of the Turmeric balls out of her backpack and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril.

156. Defeat: Big Betty breaths in the poisoned croquet ball, moans loudly and dies instantly!

Tara PJ 17: Resolution: The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes!

157. Excitement/Mirth: Tara and Davy and Meg hurry away, laughing and sit on the fountain by the main entrance, wondering what to do next.

158. Mirth/Courageous: A bug lands on Tara’s shoe and she just laughs. Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!

RESOLUTION

159. Surprise/Mirth: The sun clears the clouds away as Tad drives up in his hippy van with Tara’s Mom and Dad and Clare and Max. They are surprised to see them. He took a wrong turn following the map, and it turns out the map was wrong!

160. Surprise/Love: Ted proposes to Meg and reveals he’s the owner of a gold mine. He’s not a bum after all!

161. Bonding/Love: Clare and Max said they couldn’t go to Disneyland without Tara. Max says Tara’s the only girl he want to go on Pirates with.

162. Embarrassment/Sadness/Bonding/Happiness: Tara blushes, then notices Davy looking sad. She hugs him and say she won’t go to Disneyland without her best bud, Davy, and he smiles and says he can’t wait to go as the group cheers.

163. Surprise/Excitement/Joy: Tara’s Mom’s phone rings and Davy’s parents are calling him via WhatsApp. They tell him they miss him so much, they’re cutting their trip short and will be home tomorrow night as Davy whoops for joy.

164. Surprise: One month later: Inside the speakeasy lab: a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor.

165. Surprise: The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eat away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them and they start to come alive.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Reveals!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies and my audiences laugh a lot and I become independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…building in Setup’s and Reveals now into my outlines makes my story more exciting and hopefully more compelling for the reader and viewer.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

REVEALS

Question 1: What will you reveal? Dead termites come to life.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story? Opening scene, Act 1.

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work? A figure brushes past a jar of glowing green goo and it falls on the floor and starts to ooze towards some dead termites.

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong? Opening Scene, Act 1

Question 1: What will you reveal? The dead termites come alive and start to grow a glowing green color and one termite grows bigger than the others and turns many colors.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story? Opening Scene, Act 1

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work? A figure brushes past a jar of glowing green goo and it falls on the floor and starts to ooze towards some dead termites.

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong? Opening Scene, Act 1

Question 1: What will you reveal? The largest and colorful termite is named Big Betty, Queen of the Termo-Lytes.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story? Opening Scene, Act 1

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?

ACT 1

SETUP: A figure brushes past a jar of glowing green goo and it falls on the floor and starts to ooze towards some dead termites.
REVEAL: The termites wake up and start to grow and one termite grows bigger than the others…it’s Big Betty, the Queen of the Termo-Lytes.

SETUP: Big Betty pulls out a nail file and a hand mirror and files her pink nails and admires her face and hair in the mirror.
REVEAL: Big Betty is a vain and she’s a termite!

SETUP: Big Betty HUMS.
REVEAL: Big Betty has a great voice when she sings a finale song for Tara, Davy and Meg before they go in the pot. (Act 4).

SETUP: A bug flies into Tara’s car and she crashes it on a curb, jumps out and runs up a tree.
REVEAL: Tara is petrified of bugs! (Revealed in Act 1 when Davy watches THEM! Act 4: when she goes face-to-face with Big Betty and Big Betty brings up Tara’s childhood fiasco with the termites at the Halloween corn maze.

SETUP: Tara munches Cheeze-Its when she walks into her backyard for the pool party.
REVEAL: In Act 2:Tara has extra boxes of Cheeze-Its in her backpack and eats them when she’s stressed and for fun. In Act 3, Tara lures the Termo-Lytes with Cheeze-Its towards their hideout in the caddy shack.

SETUP: Max says he can smell chocolate a mile away and he spots the big bowl of M&Ms on the table and grabs a handful and scarfs them down.
REVEAL: Act 3: Turning Point/All Is Lost: Big Betty pushes an old vending machine by the pool near their hiding place in ? and Davy can smell the chocolate and he ventures out to the vending machine and Big Betty grabs him!

SETUP: Davy does a cannon ball jump into the pool and splashes Tara and Max and Clare.
REVEAL: Tara rolls her eyes because Davy’s such a pest. He wasn’t even invited to the pool party, but he lives next door and heard all the fun.

SETUP: Davy complains about the lack of peanut butter for his Hershey’s bars, so he starts eating Baby Ruth’s and Butterfingers. He says his parents are never around to restock the pantry.
REVEAL: Act 3 Turning Point: Big Betty lures Davy to the vending machine by telling him there are Baby Ruth’s and Butterfingers, then she captures him. Act 4: Davy’s parents are in Europe for 10 days, not the whole summer.

SETUP: Davy fixes the pool filter that keeps spraying Tara. He helps Tara’s Dad fix the “broken” tiki torch at the pool party. He’s good at fixing things.
REVEAL: Act 4: Davy puts together the croquet mallot heads with the handles really fast.

SETUP: Davy order THEM! on Amazon Prime at Tara’s house and when Tara sees the giant ants, she Tara hides behind her pink and purple unicorn pillow, her comfort blanket, as her friends and Mom and Dad laugh.
REVEAL: Tara is petrified of bugs, even in a cheezy old sci-fi movie.
Act 1: Tara hides behind her pillow in the back seat of her car at the country club, not wanting to get out and go inside because the building creeps her out.

SETUP: Tara plays a round of put-put golf with her Dad and has a hole in one. She’s a great golfer.
REVEAL: Act 4: Tara has a perfect aim when she uses the croquet mallet to shoot a poisoned croquet ball up Big Betty’s nose and kill her.

SETUP: Tara turns red and changes the subject when her Mom and Dad show her the map to the homes in the garden tour.
REVEAL: Act 4: Tara is face-to-face with Big Betty and Big Betty mocks Tara for getting lost as a kid in the Halloween maze and having no sense of direction and being afraid of a few harmless termites crawling up her leg…they were her and the Termo-Lyte clan!

SETUP: Davy says his parents have abandoned him for the summer, that’s why he’s living with his Grandmother, Meg.
REVEAL: Act 4: Davy tells Meg and Tara he’s sorry for being such a pest. Meg tells him she loves him and his parents have only gone to Europe for 10 days for their 10^th anniversary and they’ll be back soon.

SETUP: Clare and Max reminds Tara they’re going on a post-graduation Summer Solstice trip to Disneyland on Wed.
REVEAL: Act 4: After the climax, when Tad drives up in the hippie van with Tara’s Mom and Dad and Clare and Max, they tell her they decided not to go to Disneyland until she could join them. Max says Tara is the only girl he wants to ride Pirates with.

SETUP: Meg mixes up a green shake for Tara’s cold. She says she’s been mixing up a lot of green goo lately.
REVEAL: Act 3: In the Speakeasy bar/laboratory room, Tara notices the green jars of goo labeled SPIRULINA and she says it looks like the same stuff Meg made her the health shake from, but Meg pooh pooh’s the idea and laughs.

SETUP: Meg is on crutches because she broke her ankle.
REVEAL: Act 3: Tara grabs Meg’s crutch and strikes Big Betty in the toe. Act 4: Tara grabs Meg’s crutch and uses it as a lifesaver to get Davy out of the pool filed with palm fronds.

ACT 2

SETUP: When Tara drives the group up to the front entrance of the abandoned country club, Meg mentions that she’s been here before, when times were good long ago.
REVEAL: Act 4: Meg reveals she and her late husband used to be members of the country club many years ago, and she took the money from his will and bought it, and tried to concoct a pesticide with Spirulina that wouldn’t be toxic to people and pets…but she had no idea the green goo would turn the termites into giant ancient Termo-Lytes.

SETUP: Tara is amazed that Meg seems to know her way around the country club but Meg laughs it off and says when you’ve seen one country club, you’ve seen them all.
REVEAL: Act 4: Meg reveals that she created the green goo with Spirulina to kills the termites eating the old country club and that she had no idea it would bring the ancient Termo-Lytes back to life.

SETUP: In the lobby, Tara and the group hear loud HUMMING under them that sounds like bugs, and Davy said prehistoric bugs were bigger and louder than any tiger or lion and Meg says there’s nothing prehistoric left on this Earth.
REVEAL: Act 2: Tara and the group come face-to-face with the HUMMING Termo-Lytes and Big Betty. Prehistoric bugs still exist!

SETUP: In the tunnel, Big-Betty is grabbing pots and pans and throwing them at the Termo-Lytes to catch and she LAUGHS when they drop them.
REVEAL: Act 4: The pots and pans are being used to cook a feast for the Summer Solstice ceremony and brunch…and Tara and the group will be the main course!

SETUP: Davy says he swears he hears loud munching sounds in the lobby.
REVEAL: Act 2: Tara and the group come face-to-face with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes who are munching on stale food.

SETUP: Big Betty insists that Tara and the group be her guests at the Summer Solstice brunch.
REVEAL: Act 4: Meg and Davy are in the big pot. Big Betty says as soon as she can get Tara into the pot and simmer and season them for a while, then brunch will be served!

SETUP: Big Betty turns on the charm and changes colors and dazzles Tara and she thinks Big Betty is nice and charming.
REVEAL: Big Betty stops them from leaving and she’s not so nice after all and Tara shows her gullibility.

ACT 3

SETUP: Meg gets nervous and grabs her lighter and cigarette and tries to light up.
REVEAL: Big Betty grabs it out of her hand and says that smoking is bad for her health and LAUGHS.

SETUP: Big Betty talks about the upcoming yummy Summer Solstice feast in one hour and there are sure to be some tasty treats.
REVEAL: Act 4: Tara and the group are going to be the “tasty treats” that Big Betty referred to.

SETUP: Meg’s bottle with the green shake falls out of her purse.
REVEAL: Big Betty snatches it up and drinks it up and says it’s yummy and green is her new “fave” color, then she grows 1 foot taller.

SETUP: Big Betty pours some of the green goo on the floor for the other Termo-Lytes and they lap it up.
REVEAL: Meg’s green shake helps bugs grow!

SETUP: In the speakeasy bar/lab, there are green jars of goo labeled SPIRULINA.
REVEAL: Act 4: Meg reveals that she bought the old country club and used spirulina to make a concoction to treat the termites, hoping it would be a non-toxic pesticide so patrons and pets won’t get sick when she opens renovates and opens the country club.

SETUP: In the speakeasy bar/lab, the shelves are lined with old bottles of booze.
REVEAL: Act 4: Tara uses the bottle of booze and cuts up a tablecloth into strips to make Molotov cocktails to throw at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes.

[Leona Heraty]

ASSIGNMENT

Leona Heraty’s Character Action Tracks!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…using to the protagonist’s and antagonist’s traits to create their action tracts keeps them in character and they come alive on the page!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

ACT 1: Tara takes a wrong turn!

1. Big Betty/The Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ1: The toxic green goo oozes onto her and her clan and they come alive!

2. Big Betty starts to grow and smiles like a Cheshire cat when her clan start to grow too.

3. Big Betty pulls out a nail file and starts to sharpen her nails and laughs. She picks up a hand mirror and admires herself in the mirror.

4. Big Betty HUMS then leads the clan in a HUM-A-LONG. ADD FUNNY SONG.

Deeper Layer: The green goo is dangerous because it brings termites back to life and makes them bigger!

5. Tara PJ 1: A bug flies into Tara’s car and she runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree. FUNNY SCENE

6. A cop and a few people nearby laugh at Tara. FUNNY SCENE

7. Tara gets a cell phone call from her Mom, reminding her that Max and Clare are at her house for the pool party.

8. Tara drives up to her house and parks, hearing laughter from her backyard.

9. Tara goes through the backyard gate, munching on Cheez-Its and sees her best friend, Clare, and Clare’s cousin, Max, at the pool with her Mom and Dad serving non-alcoholic cocktails.

10. Tara PJ 2: Tara is annoyed when Davy crashes Tara’s pool party with Clare and Max.

11. Davy does a canon ball into the pool, then makes a pest out of himself.

12. Davy demands better snacks and complains that there’s no peanut butter for his Hershey’s chocolate bar. Tara tells him to take it up with her Mom.

13. Tara’s Dad says they’ll be sure to pick up more peanut butter at Costco.

14. Davy redeems himself by fixing the spraying floating pool filter and the broken Tiki torches. They get the tiki torches lit up and the music playing. Note: In Act 4, Davy fixes broken croquet mallets by wrapping them with palm fronds from the outside pool.

15. It starts to rain and the group runs inside and plops on the couch.

16. Davy grabs the remote and switches to Prime and orders THEM!

17. Tara hides her face behind her a pink and purple magic unicorn pillow and is annoyed with Davy but Tara’s Mom laughs and brings in snacks.

18. Davy asks for FOOD to dip his Hershey’s bar in while Tara and Clare and Max look at him, appalled.

19. Tara shudders at the giant ants in THEM! and grabs the remote and switches to a Rom/Com.

20. Davy grabs the remote and switches it back to THEM!

21. Tara’s Dad reminds her that Davy is their guest.

22. Tara says it rhymes with pest as she makes a face at Davy.

23. Tara PJ 3: Tara’s Mom and Dad mention the Home Garden Tour in a few days and reminds her she’s a backup driver.

24. Tara’s Mom shows her a map for the tour. Each group goes to a different area, then switches the next day to tour a different group of home gardens.

25. Tara turns red and changes the subject.

Deeper Layer: Tara is embarrassed because she can’t read a map, so she changes the subject.

26. Davy says he might go on the tour with his grandmother. Tara’s Mom says she really likes Davy’s grandmother, Peg, and she’s going on the garden tour in two days.

27. Davy says his parents have abandoned him for the summer and Tara’s Mom says that can’t be true.

28. Clare reminds Tara that they’re going on a post-graduation trip to Disneyland on Wed, the same day as the garden tour.

29. Max says he’d like to ride the Pirates of the Caribbean with Tara and she blushes and Davy groan and Tara throws popcorn at him.

30. Wed morning at the garden club, Tad, Peg’s “gentleman friend” drives up in his beater car, and it’s clear he’s really hung over and has a splitting headache and he falls asleep in the back seat of his car.

31. Peg can’t drive because she has a cast on her leg from a broken ankle. All the cars are full up and leaving. Tara’s Mom is driving one car, and Tara’s Dad is driving another.

32. Tara is getting ready to leave for Disneyland when she gets the call from her Mom that they need her to drive Peg and Davy. She doesn’t want to do it but her Mom guilts her into driving.

INCITING INCIDENT: Tara’s parents coerce her into driving the tour group, despite her protests of not being able to read a map.

33. Tara shows up at the Garden Club, very perturbed to see Davy and Peg. Mom hugs her and gives her the map and says she’ll be fine. They’ll all meet back at the club at 6 pm for dinner.

34. Tara PJ 4: Tara has a slight cold and says she’s too sick to drive but Tara’s Mom takes her temperature and it’s normal, so she has to drive Davy and his grandmother, Meg, on the home garden tour.

34. Meg makes up a green spirulina shake for Tara to help her cold. Meg says she’s been mixing up a lot of green goo lately…to drink! HUMOR. FORESHADOWING.

Notes: Whenever Meg has a sip of the green shake, she repeats a FUNNY PHRASE.

35. Davy drives Tara crazy with his constant bragging that he can fix anything.

36. Tara is so annoyed at Davy, she says it would be better if he’s not around.

37. Davy gets quiet and says his parents have abandoned him. Tara feels bad and says it’s OK.

38. Meg says Davy has an overactive imagination. FORESHADOWING.

34. TURNING POINT 1: On the drive, a storm starts, the map blows out of Tara’s hands and out the window and Tara’s cell phone goes dead. Peg doesn’t believe in cell phones so she doesn’t have one and Davy forgot his at home.

35. Tara makes a wrong turn and they end up at the abandoned Laguna Mountains Country club, built in 1925. SPEAKEASY REPUTATION.

ACT 2: Tara comes face-to-face with her greatest fear: giant bugs!

36. They pull up to the country club reception area, and get out of the car, Tara gets spooked and says she hears HUMMING, like bugs and something’s not right.

37. Tara jumps back in her car and tells Meg and Davy to get in. She tears around the circular driveway and runs over a big metal rake and pops a tire.

38. Tara jumps in the backseat and puts her magic unicorn pillow over her head.

39. Meg says they should go inside and see if there’s electricity, so Tara can charge her phone.

40. Meg coaxes Tara out of the backseat and coaxes her into the lobby/reception area and charge her phone, she’s a devout coward, and this place gives her the creeps.

41. Meg says once the phone is charged, they’ll call for help. They hear loud HUMMING near them.

42. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ2: In the tunnel under the dining room, Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are now 8 feet tall.

43. Big Betty is SINGING A FUNNY SONG.

44. She sniffs the air and says she smells brunch! She puts on a big and to HUMS loudly and the other Termo-Lytes join in!

45. Big Betty pledges her love to her Termo-Lyte Clan. As the Queen, she will lead the charge so they thrive and survive.

46. Tara PJ 5: Tara says this place gives her the creeps and she tries to run out the door.

47. Meg stops Tara and says they need to seek shelter or Tara’s cold could turn into pneumonia. Tara starts to sneeze.

48. Tara PJ 6: Tara is amazed when Meg seems to know her way around the country club. FORESHADOWING. Meg says she’s been in so many country clubs in her day, they’re all alike.

49. Davy rustles in his backpack and pulls out a Baby Ruth and gobbles it down.

50. Tara pulls out a box of Cheez-Its from her backpack and shares them with Davy, but Meg says it’s junk food and politely declines the snacks.

51. In the tunnel under the lobby, Big Betty and her Termo-Lytes are MUNCHING LOUDLY on FOOD left over…provisions and HUMMING.

52. Tara and Davy get scared when they hear LOUD MUNCHING and HUMMING sounds.

53. They try to run out but Meg stops them and says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees against the building. Meg reminds them they need to find a working outlet to charge Tara’s phone and call for help.

54. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ3: Big Betty and her clan are in a tunnel, planning a feast.

55. Big Betty is picking pots and pans out of boxes and off of shelves and throws them at the Termo-Lytes to catch. She smiles sweetly, then has an evil grin and LAUGHS.

56. Tara and the group are in the lobby, directly over Big Betty and her clan and they hear odd sounds that sound like a LAUGH.

57. Tara argues with Meg and says they need to get out of there and Davy says he agrees with Tara. Meg says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees outside and not to worry and that old buildings always have strange sounds.

58. Big Betty hears Tara and the group arguing and shushes the Termo-Lytes. They get quiet.

59. Big Betty grins widely, and smothers a LAUGH as green goo slips off of her body and onto the floor.

60. Big Betty dips her long fingernail in the green goo and writes BRUNCH in giant letters on the wall and draws an arrow pointing upward.

61. The Termo-Lytes smile and nod yes and put their bibs on!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and the group for brunch!

62. Tara leans against a secret panel by the fireplace, then falls onto a hidden staircase and rolls down it into the tunnel and screams. Meg and Davy follow her down the staircase and into the tunnel.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Tara PJ 7: Tara and the group come face-to-face with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes! Big Betty leans over Tara and smacks her lips and smiles.

63. Big Betty leans over Tara and smacks her lips and smiles and says, “Oh goody, brunch is served!”

ACT 3: Tara and the group must fight for their lives to stay alive!

Note: Add chase scenes through the tunnels, Tara hides in a speakeasy bar in a secret room off of the kitchen. Tara gets chased to a speakeasy cave filled with booze. She grabs a couple bottles of booze and stuffs them in her backpack. She uses Meg’s lighter to make a Molotov cocktails to distract Big Betty. Tara tells Meg to hide in the caddy shack while she and Dave sneak out to the croquet lawn and he grabs the broken mallets and some palm fronds from the outdoor pool

64. Tara tries to run but Big Betty’s big arms block her way.

65. Big Betty introduces herself and her happy clan, the newly revived Termo-Lytes, who started out 3,000 years. Ago. She invites them to stay for brunch and LAUGHS.

66. Tara PJ 8: Tara sees BRUNCH and the arrow scrawled on the all and is petrified and can’t speak.

67. As Meg gets nervous and lights up a cigarette and she and Davy cower as the Termo-Lytes surround them, Tara snaps out of her fear and says they’re going to be lunch if they don’t get out of there fast!

68. Big Betty frowns and grabs the cigarette out of Meg’s hand and points to a NO SMOKING sign down the hall and LAUGHS. She says, “don’t you know smoking is bad for your health?”

69. While Big Betty is distracted by laughing at her own joke, Tara grabs Meg’s crutches and hits Big Betty on one of her giant painted red toenails, pissing off the Queen of the Termo-Lytes.

70. Davy says they need to run for their lives and Big Betty picks him up and examines him then puts him down. She says he’s a little chubby and will make an excellent desert for their Summer Solstice feast.

71. Davy tries to be brave and charm Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes by offering to fix the broken door above them.

72. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ4: Big Betty turns on the charm, turning beautiful colors as she welcomes them to her humble home.

73. Tara is dazzled by Big Betty’s lovely colors and falls under her spell for a moment, and tells Davy and Meg that maybe Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes just want to be friends, and they mean no harm, and they’ve invited them to their Summer Solstice brunch so they must be nice after all.

74. Davy says he might be a pest but he knows a predator when he sees one. He tells Tara to snap out of it and he pulls her hair and snaps her out of her trance.

75. The Termo-Lytes look hungry and advance on them, holding forks and knives and bibs on.

76. Big Betty holds her clan back and says they act like children and not to worry, they’re herbivores anyway and gives them a Cheshire Cat grin.

77. Tara PJ 9: Tara tries to run away but the bottom of the stairs is blocked by Big Betty.

78. Big Betty insists that Tara and her friends stay for their Summer Solstice Feast. They will be her guests of honor! It’s at the big outdoor pool and patio nearby.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty won’t let Tara and the group leave. They’re trapped!

79. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ5: Big Betty reassures the group and talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.” The Summer Solstice happens in one hour, at 12 pm, when the sun strikes the top line on the tiki totem by the pool

80. Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here for her clan. They need more food to have baby Termo-Lytes and help them grow up to 8 feet.

81. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ6: Meg’s water bottle filled with her green spirulina shake rolls out of her purse.

82. Big Betty snatches it up. She admires it then open takes a swig and says green is her new “fave” color!

83. Big Betty grows one foot taller and turns dark red and orange flashing colors. Her eyes flash red. Big Betty gets mean and scary.

84. Big Betty pours the rest of the green shake on the floor and tells the clan to have some.

85. The Termo-Lytes lap up the green goo and grow one foot taller too.

86. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes advance on Tara and Davy and Meg.

87. Big Betty starts to HUM loudly and the Termo-Lytes join her in a Hum-a-long. Note: Add a funny SONG.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty was lying! She and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and her group for brunch!

88. Tara PJ 10: Davy starts munching on a Baby Ruth and offers Big Betty one.

89. Big Betty snatches it out of Davy’s hand and gobbles it down. She tells Davy too many sweets with rot his teeth. She smiles sweetly as her sharp pointed teeth glisten.

90. Big Betty advances on Davy and tries to snatch him up. She LAUGHS and says she lied, she is an omnivore after all.

91. Tara grabs Davy’s stash of candy bars out of his backpack and hurls them towards the other end of the tunnel.

92. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ7: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes chase after the candy bars.

93. Tara PJ 11: Tara dashes for the stairs and motions for Meg and Davy to follow her.

94. Tara and the group run up the stairs and slam the door behind them as Big Betty and the Termo—Lytes almost catch them but are too big to fit through the secret door at the top of the stairs.

95. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ8: Big Betty tells the Termo-Lytes to follow her as she lumbers down the tunnel.

96. Big Betty yells, “The feast must go on! Summer Solstice is just around the corner! Those humanoids will be our main course!”

97. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes exit the building and run towards a large outdoor pool with a patio area. The pool filled with palm fronds and flowers from nearby trees.

98. Big Betty motions to a sign that says Big Betty’s Summer Solstice Wing-Ding! There’s a big pot that’s boiling soup over a pile of wood. The pot gives off steam and Big Betty pulls out a giant ladle and tastes the liquid and says it needs more flavor, and humanoids will give it just the kick it needs.

99. Tara PJ 12: Tara and Davy helps Meg on her crutches as they slowly make their way a hallway off the lobby.

100. Meg sees a sign that says KITCHEN and they hide in the large industrial kitchen.

100. Tara gets her courage up and finds a light switch and it lights up the room. She searches for weapons on the shelves that are stocked with giant cans of food. She pulls a giant can of olive oil off the shelf and the shelf swings open and reveals a secret room behind the kitchen.

100. Tara, Davy and Meg go into the secret room and it has a vintage bar and bottles of booze and a roulette table. At the bar is a makeshift lab, where there are all sorts of sizes of bottles and jars and a jar labeled SPIRULINA. It looks like Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory and somebody has been experimenting with different herbs and spirulina.

101. Meg says this must be an old speakeasy bar, from the 1920s, when the country club was built. pulls then end up in a secret speak easy bar behind the kitchen, where the green goo mixture and Meg’s secret lab is located.

102. Davy says the jar of SPIRULINA looks like the same stuff that Meg made Tara’s cold recovery shake out of and Meg turns red and changes the subject, but Tara said maybe that’s what’s making Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes get bigger and meaner.

103. Meg turns red, lights up a cigarette and her hand shakes as she dismisses the idea and says it must be some toxic pesticide that’s making Big Betty and her clan so big and she says they should look for a good outlet to charge Tara’s phone.

104. Davy smells chocolate and wanders away without Tara and Meg noticing. He walks down the hallway and follows his nose to a sign that says POOL THIS WAY.

105. Near the pool, Big Betty appears and points towards a vending machine that has Butterfingers and Baby Ruth’s.

106. Davy walks to the vending machine and Big Betty sneaks up behind hi and snatches him as he SCREAMS FOR HELP! ALL IS LOST!

107. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Big Betty drops Davy into the pool full of palm fronds and flowers where she says he’ll be safe until the Summer Solstice brunch in 30 minutes.

ACT 4: Tara saves Davy and they kill Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!

Note: Add a scene where Meg and Tara get in a golf cart and Tara pushes her down a hill, where she runs over Big Betty’s toes and Big Betty runs after them and trips on something and gets stopped by a tennis court net. Add scene where Davy and Meg and are chased by Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to through a winding tunnel, where Tara freezes up and then end up at a cave built into the mountain, which is Big Betty’s boudoir, or her bedroom. Big Betty reveals she and her Termo-Lytes were the bugs crawling on Tara’s leg when she was 5 years old when she got lost at the Halloween corn maze and she taunts Tara that she was a coward then and she’s still a coward. Tara gets mad and YELLS back at Big Betty and decides to fight with all her might.

108. Tara and Meg hear Davy’s SCREAMS and she grabs some cloth napkins, opens some bottles of booze and grabs Meg’s lighter out of her hands and says come on, we need to rescue Davy.

109. Tara uses the bottles of scotch and Meg’s lighter to make Molotov cocktails, which she hurls at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes, pissing them off even more.

110. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes prepare for their summer solstice feast at a covered patio next to outdoor pool.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes will be celebrating their return to the living!

111. Tara PJ 12: Tara sneaks outside and grabs some croquet balls in a grassy area near the pool.

112. Tara hurls some of the balls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention.

113. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ10: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes run away to catch the croquet balls.

114. Tara PJ 13: Tara rescues Davy from the pool WITH WHAT?

115. Tara and Davy run back to the speakeasy lab where Meg is mixing potions.

116. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Meg breaks down and tells Tara that she owns the country club and the story behind the green goo.

Tara PJ 14: Meg reveals she owns the abandoned country club.

117. Meg says was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites but the spirulina makes them grow!

118. Tara PJ 15: Tara notices that turned over bottle of Turmeric fell on a plant and it’s dying fast.

119. Meg says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric. It might kill the Termo-Lytes.

120. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ11: Big Betty is on the patio area near the pool, where she leads them in a SING-A-LONG. A clock shows 11:55 a.m. It’s five minutes until the Summer Solstice.

121. The Termo-Lytes follow Big Betty’s orders and quickly set up the tables and decorations for the Summer Solstice Feast.

122. Big Betty motions to that the big soup pot is boiling over and ready. She just needs to search for the humanoids to flavor the pot, who can’t be far away. It’s almost 12 pm – the exact hour when the sun cover the half-way Summer Solstice mark on the tall totem by the pool.

123. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes dance around the totem and sign a FUNNY BUG SONG.

124. Big Betty looks at her watch and announces it 12 pm, the Summer Solstice.

125. sun casts a shadow mark on the totem where it says SUMMER SOLTICE.

126. Big Betty says welcome Summer Solstice! The Termo-Lytes go crazy in a frenetic dance!

127. Tara PJ 16: Tara and the rush out outside and hurl the croquet balls dipped in olive oil and turmeric at the Termo-Lytes.

128. The Termo-Lytes gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die one by one, except for Betty, who is too smart to eat the balls.

129. Big Betty is enraged and turns red and orange and advances on them, nails out and teeth gleaming.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ12: Big Betty pops a poisoned croquet ball into her mouth, but doesn’t swallow it.

130. Big Betty falls on the ground and rolls around and fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy.

131. Tara falls for Big Betty’s crying routine and starts to pat her foot to comfort her.

132. Big Betty grabs Tara and threatens to eat her!

133. Big Betty spits out the poisoned croquet ball sits up and LAUGHS.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty is the source of Tara’s childhood fear of bugs and lack of a sense of direction!

134. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ13: Big Betty tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze.

135. Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat!

136. Big Betty reminds Tara that she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against her.

137, Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago at the corn maze, because the farmer sprayed them with pesticides the next day.

138. Big Betty blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!

139. Big Betty stands up, scoops up Tara and opens her mouth to eat her.

140. Tara shrinks back and freezes, then Davy yells at her to not give up.

CLIMAX

141. Tara snaps out of it and grabs the last of the Turmeric balls out of her pocket and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril.

142. Big Betty breaths in the poisoned croquet ball and dies instantly!

Tara PJ 17: Resolution: The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes!

143. Tara and the group run away and sit on the fountain by the main entrance, wondering what to do next.

144. A bug lands on Tara’s shoe and she just laughs. Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!

RESOLUTION

145. The sun clears the clouds away as Tad drives up and is surprised to see them. He took a wrong turn following the map, and it turns out the map was wrong!

146. One month later: Inside the speakeasy lab: a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor.

147. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eat away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them and they start to come alive.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s New Outline Beats!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…the three processes helped me fill in the missing beats of my beat sheet. Reading the beat sheet backwards really helps!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

New Outline Beats

ACT 1: Tara takes a wrong turn!

Big Betty/The Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ1: The toxic green good oozes onto her and her clan and they come alive!

Deeper Layer: The green goo is dangerous because it brings termites back to life and makes them bigger!

Tara PJ 1: A bug flies into Tara’s car and she runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree.

A cop and a few people laugh at Tara.

Tara PJ 2: Tara is annoyed when Davy crashes Tara’s pool party with Clare and Max.

Davy makes a pest out of himself.

Tara hurls a softball and Davy falls in the pool in the dunking booth.

Davy redeems himself by fixing the spraying floating pool filter and the broken Tiki torches.

It starts to rain and the group runs inside.

Davy grabs the remote and switches to Prime and orders THEM!

Tara is annoyed with Davy but Tara’s Mom laughs and brings in snacks.

Davy asks for peanut butter to dip his Hershey’s bar in while Tara and Clare and Max look at him, appalled.

Tara shudders at the giant ants in THEM!

Tara switches the movie to a Rom/Com.

Davy grabs the remote and switches it back to THEM!

Tara’s Dad reminds her that Davy is their guest.

Tara says it rhymes with pest.

Tara PJ 3: Tara’s Mom and Dad mention the Home Garden Tour and remind her she’s a backup driver.

Tara’s Mom shows her a map for tour.

Tara turns red and changes the subject.

Deeper Layer: Tara is embarrassed because she can’t read a map, so she changes the subject.

Davy says he might go on the tour with his grandmother.

At the garden club, a sign says WELCOME TO THE RANCHO SAN DIEGO GARDEN CLUB HOME TOUR!

A group of ladies and men are gathered there, getting into cars for the tour.

Tara’s Mom and Dad are organizing the day.

Tara’s Mom gets a call. Her best friend, Ellie, is sick and can’t drive the tour.

Tara’s Mom calls Tara and tells her she has to drive to take Ellie’s place.

INCITING INCIDENT: Tara’s parents coerce her into driving the tour group, despite her protests of not being able to read a map.

Tara PJ 4: Tara has a slight cold and has to drive Davy and his grandmother, Meg, on the home garden tour.

Meg makes up a green shake spirulina drink for Tara and she makes her a green shake.

Whenever Meg has a sip of the green shake, she repeats a FUNNY PHRASE.

Davy drives Tara crazy with his constant bragging.

Tara is so annoyed at Davy, she says it would be better if he’s not around.

Davy gets quiet and says his parents have abandoned him.

Meg says Davy has an active imagination.

TURNING POINT 1: The storm starts, the map blows out the window and Tara’s cell phone goes dead.

Tara makes a wrong turn and they end up at the abandoned country club NAME.

ACT 2: Tara comes face-to-face with her greatest fear: giant bugs!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ2: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are 8 feet tall.

Big Betty sniffs the air and says she smells brunch!

Tara PJ 5: Tara says this place gives her the creeps and she tries to run away.

Meg stops Tara and says they need to seek shelter or Tara’s cold could turn into pneumonia.

Tara PJ 6: Tara is amazed when Meg seems to know her way around the country club.

Tara follows Meg and Davy to the main lobby.

Tara and Davy get scared when she hears loud eating and growling sounds.

They tries to run out but Meg stops them and says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees against the building.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ3: Big Betty and her clan are in a tunnel, planning a feast.

Tara and the group are in the lobby, directly over Big Betty and her clan.

Big Betty hears Tara and the group arguing and shushes the Termo-Lytes.

Big Betty dips her long fingers in the green goo and writes BRUNCH in giant letters on the wall and draws and arrow pointing upward.

The Termo-Lytes smile and nod yes and put their bibs on!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and the group for brunch!

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Tara PJ 7: Tara falls into the secret staircase and the tunnel, followed by Meg and Davy.

Tara and the group come face-to-face with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!

ACT 3: Tara and the group must fight for their lives to stay alive!

Tara PJ 8: Tara sees BRUNCH and the arrow scrawled on the all and is petrified and can’t speak.

Davy tries to be brave and charm Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes by offering to fix the broken door above them.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ4: Big Betty turns on the charm, turning beautiful colors as she welcomes them to her humble home.

The other Termo-Lytes look hungry and advance on them, holding forks and knives.

Big Betty holds her clan back and says they act like children and not to worry, they’re herbivores anyway.

Tara PJ 9: Tara tries to run away but the exit is blocked by Big Betty.

Big Betty insists that Tara and her friends stay for their Summer Solstice Feast. They will be her guests of honor!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty won’t let Tara and the group leave. They’re trapped!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ5: Big Betty reassures the group and talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.”

Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here.”

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ6: Meg’s water bottle filled with her green spirulina shake rolls out of her purse.

Big Betty snatches it up. She admires it then takes a swig and says green is her new fave color!

Big Betty grows one foot taller and turns dark red and orange flashing colors. Her eyes flash red.

Big Betty gets mean and scary.

Big Betty pours the rest of the green shake on the floor and tells the clan to have some.

The Termo-Lytes lap up the green goo and grow one foot taller.

Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes advance on Tara and the group.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty was lying! She and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and her group for brunch!

Tara PJ 10: Davy starts munching on a Baby Ruth and offers Big Betty one.

Big Betty snatches it out of Davy’s hand and gobbles it down.

Tara grabs Davy’s stash of candy bars out of his backpack and hurls them towards the other end of the tunnel.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ7: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes chase after the candy bars.

Tara PJ 11: Tara dashes for the stairs and motions for Meg and Davy to follow her.

Tara and the group run up the stairs and slam the door behind them as Big Betty and the Termo—Lytes almost catch them.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ8: Big Betty tells the Termo-Lytes to follow her as they run down the tunnel.

Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes exit the building and stop by a big pool filled with palm fronds.

Big Betty motions to a sign that says Big Betty’s Summer Solstice Wing-Ding!

Tara PJ 12: Tara runs down a hallway off the lobby and the group follows her.

Meg sees a sign that says KITCHEN and they hide in there.

In the kitchen, Tara and the group discover a makeshift lab with green goo.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Meg breaks down and tells Tara that she owns the country club and the story behind the green goo.

Big Betty finds their hiding place in the kitchen.

Big Betty lures Davy out into the hallway by telling him she has some Butterfingers she found in an old vending machine.

Big Betty snatches Davy as he screams for help!

ACT 4: Tara saves Davy and they kill Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Big Betty drops Davy into the pool full of palm fronds.

Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes prepare for their summer solstice feast at a covered patio next to outdoor pool.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes will be celebrating their return to the living!

Tara PJ 12: Tara sneaks outside and grabs some croquet balls in a grassy area near the pool.

Tara hurls some of the balls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ10: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes run away to catch the croquet balls.

Tara PJ 13: Tara rescues Davy from the pool WITH WHAT?

Tara and Davy run back to the kitchen lab where Meg is mixing potions.

Climax: Tara PJ 14: Meg reveals she owns the abandoned country club.

Meg says was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites but the spirulina makes them grow!

Climax: Tara PJ 15: Tara notices that turned over bottle of Turmeric fell on a plant and it’s dying fast.

Meg says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric. It might kill the Termo-Lytes.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ11: Big Betty is on the patio area near the pool, where she leads them in a SING-A-LONG.

A clock shows 11:55 a.m.

It’s five minutes until the Summer Solstice.

The Termo-Lytes follow Big Betty’s orders and quickly set up the tables and decorations for the Summer Solstice Feast.

Big Betty motions to giant SOMETHING THAT WILL SERVE AS A SOUP POT.

It’s almost 12 pm – the exact hour when the sun cover the half-way Summer Solstice mark on the tall totem by the pool.

Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes put on a dance song.

They begin to dance around the totem.

The hour is 12 pm and the sun casts a shadow mark on the totem.

Big Betty says welcome Summer Solstice! The Termo-Lytes go crazy in a frenetic dance!

Tara PJ 16: Tara and the group go outside and start hurling the croquet balls dipped in olive oil and turmeric at the Termo-Lytes.

The Termo-Lytes gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die one by one, except for Betty.

Big Betty is too smart to eat the balls.

Big Betty is enraged and turns red and orange and advances on them.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ12: Big Betty pops a poisoned croquet ball into her mouth, but doesn’t swallow it.

Big Betty fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy.

Tara falls for Big Betty’s crying routine.

Big Betty grabs Tara and threatens to throw her in the soup pot.

Big Betty spits out the poisoned croquet ball.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty is the source of Tara’s childhood fear of bugs and lack of a sense of direction!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ13: Big Betty mocks Tara and tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze.

Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat!

Big Betty tells Tara she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against her.

Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago at the corn maze.

Big Betty blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!

Tara grabs the last of the Turmeric balls out of her pocket and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril.

Big Betty breaths in the poisoned croquet ball and dies instantly!

Tara PJ 17: Resolution: The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes!

Tara and the group sit on the fountain by the main entrance, wondering what to do next.

A bug lands on Tara’s shoe and she just laughs. Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!

The sun clears the clouds away and Davy pulls out his cell phone and hands it to Tara.

Tara calls her parents to pick them up.

Tara asks Davy why he didn’t use his cell phone earlier.

Davy said he was having too much fun to spoil the day!

Tara starts to sneeze.

Meg laughs and pulls out a water bottle and a packet of spirulina and mixes it up and hands it to Tara and SAYS THE FUNNY REPEAT PHRASE.

One month later: Inside the kitchen lab: a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor.

The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eating away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them and they start to come alive.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my screenplays produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding deeper layers now in the outline will give my story more depth and meaning and hopefully attract A-List actors!

Title: Termo-Lytes Attack!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

Beat Sheet – Draft 1

ACT 1: Tara takes a wrong turn!

Big Betty/The Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ1: The toxic green goo oozes onto her lifeless body and then onto the lifeless bodies of her clan, and she slowly starts to move and get bigger and then her clan members move and get bigger too.

Deeper Layer: The green goo is dangerous because it brings termites back to life and makes them bigger!

Tara PJ 1: Tara is frightened when a bug flies into her car and she runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree as a cop laughs at her.

Tara PJ 2: Tara is annoyed when Davy crashes Tara’s pool party with Clare and Max, and makes a pest out of himself but he redeems himself by fixing her spraying floating pool filter and he fixes her broken Tiki torches.

Tara PJ 3: Tara’s Mom and Dad mention the Home Garden Tour and remind her she’s a backup driver if they need her they show her the map of the route but she turns red, then changes the subject and sneers when Davy says he might go on the tour with his grandmother.

Deeper Layer: Tara changes the subjects because she can’t read a map and it’s embarrassing for her.

INCITING INCIDENT: Tara’s parents coerce her into driving the tour group, despite her protests of not being able to read a map. Tara’s Dad say Tara is “lost in a found world.”

Tara PJ 4: Tara has a slight cold and has to drive Davy and his grandmother, Meg, on the home garden tour. Meg is a health nut and makes up spirulina drink for Tara and she makes her a green shake, while Davy drives her crazy with his constant bragging. Meg says “spirulina mixed with other stuff can do wonders for so many things.”

TURNING POINT 1: The storm starts, the map blows out the window and Tara’s cell phone goes dead. She makes a wrong turn and they end up at the abandoned country club.

ACT 2: Tara comes face-to-face with her greatest fear: giant bugs!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ2: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are 8 feet tall. She sniffs the air and says she smells brunch!

Tara PJ 5: Tara says this place gives her the creeps and she tries to run away, but Meg stops her and says they need to seek shelter or Tara’s cold could turn into pneumonia.

Tara PJ 6: Tara follows Meg and Davy to the main lobby but she and Davy get scared when she hears loud eating and growling sounds and she tries to run out but Meg stops them and says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees against the building.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ3: Big Betty and her clan are in a tunnel, which is directly underneath Tara and the group, who are in the lobby. Big Betty hears Tara and the group arguing and shushes the Termo-Lytes. She dips her long fingers in the green goo and writes BRUNCH in giant letters on the wall and draws and arrow pointing upward. The Termo-Lytes smile and nod yes and put their bibs on!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and the group for brunch!

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Tara PJ 7: Tara falls into the secret room and the tunnel, followed by Meg and Davy. They come face-to-face with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!

ACT 3: Tara and the group must fight for their lives to stay alive!

Tara PJ 8: Tara sees LUNCH and the arrow scrawled on the all and is petrified and can’t speak. She points to it and Meg says this can’t be happening. Davy tries to be brave and charm Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes by offering to fix the broken door above them.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ4: Big Betty turns on the charm, turning beautiful colors as she welcomes them to her humble home. The other Termo-Lytes look hungry and advance on them, but Big Betty holds them back and says they act like children and not to worry, they’re herbivores anyway.

Tara PJ 9: Tara tries to run away but the exit is blocked by Big Betty who insists that Tara and her friends stay for their Summer Solstice Feast. They will be her guests of honor!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty won’t let Tara and the group leave. They’re trapped!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ5: Big Betty reassures the group and talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.” Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here.”

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ6: Meg’s water bottle filled with her green spirulina shake rolls out of her purse. Big Betty snatches it up. She admires it then takes a swig and says green is her new fave color! She grows one foot taller and turns dark red and orange flashing colors. Her eyes flash red. She gets mean and scary. She pours the rest of the green shake on the floor and tells the clan to have some. They lap it up and get one foot taller too. They all advance on Tara and the group.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty was lying! She and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and her group for brunch!

Tara PJ 10: Davy starts munching on a Baby Ruth and offers Big Betty one. She snatches it out of his hands and gobbles it down. Tara grabs Davy’s stash of candy bars out of his backpack and hurls them towards the other end of the tunnel.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ7: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes chase after the candy bars.

Tara PJ 11: Tara tells Meg and Davy to follow her back up the stairs. They run up the stairs and slam the door behind them as Big Betty and the Termo—Lytes almost catch them.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ8: Big Betty tells the Termo-Lytes to follow her as they run down the tunnel and exit the building and stop by a big pool filled with palm fronds.

Tara PJ 12: Tara runs down a hallway off the lobby and sees and sign that points to the KITCHEN. She says they can hide there. The group goes in and discovers a makeshift lab with green goo.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: While Meg breaks down and tells Tara that she owns the country club and the story behind the green good, Big Betty finds their hiding place, and talks to Davy behind the bared door of the kitchen. She lures him out into the hallway by telling him she has some Butterfingers she found in an old vending machine. He comes out into the hallway and she snatches him as he screams for help!

ACT 4: Tara saves Davy and she and the group kill Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Big Betty drops Davy into the pool as the Termo-Lytes prepare for their summer solstice feast in at a dining room next to outdoor pool.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes will be celebrating their return to the living!

Tara PJ 12: Tara sneaks outside to steal some croquet balls and mallots in a grassy area near the pool. She hurls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ10: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes run away to catch the croquet balls.

Tara PJ 13: Tara gets Davy out of the pool. Tara and Davy make it back to the kitchen lab.

Climax: Tara PJ 14: Tara and Meg retreat to the kitchen lab, and Meg reveals she owns the abandoned country club. She was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites, but she added too much Turmeric!

Climax: Tara PJ 15: Tara notices that turned over bottle of Turmeric fell on the plant and it’s dying fast. Meg says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ11: Big Betty is on the patio area near the pool, where she leads them in a sing-a-long then they quickly set up the tables and decorations for the Summer Solstice Feast. It’s almost 12 pm and the exact hour when the sun cover the half-way mark on the tall totem by the pool.

Tara PJ 16: Tara and the group go outside and start hurling the croquet balls dipped in olive oil and turmeric at the Termo-Lytes. The Termo-Lytes gobble them up and die one by one, except for Betty.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ12: Big Betty pops a poisoned croquet ball into her mouth, but doesn’t swallow it. She fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy, and Tara falls for it…until Big Betty grabs Tara and threatens to eat her!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty is the source of Tara’s childhood fear of bugs and lack of a sense of direction!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ13: Big Betty tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze.

Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat! Big Betty tells Tara she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against the Termo-Lytes! Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago! She blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!

Tara grabs the last of the Turmeric balls out of her pocket and and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril. She breaths it in and dies instantly!

Tara PJ 17: Resolution: The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes! They leave the abandoned country club and start walking down the road, away from the Termo-Lytes. A bug lands on Tara’s shoe and she just laughs. Tara is no longer afraid of bugs! A car pulls up and it’s Tara’s Mom and Dad, there to rescue them…better late then never.

One month later: Inside the kitchen lab: a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eating away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Deeper Layer!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my screenplays produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding deeper layers to my plot is fun and challenging and I think the deeper layers really make my story much more engaging!

Title: Termo-Lytes Attack!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

“Deeper Layer” Puzzle
Tara: Protagonist
Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes: Antagonist

Surface Layer: Tara is petrified of bugs has no sense of direction, and when her cell phone battery goes out, and a storm hits, she loses her sense of direction and the tour group gets lost.

Tara’s parents tell her leading a tour group will be “good for her sense of direction.” Meg says takes a teaspoon of spirulina in her water bottle to combat a cold and tells Tara and Davy they should take it too to build immunity.

Deeper Layer: Tara is petrified of bugs and lacks a sense of direction because she got lost in a corn maze as a kid and her legs were covered with biting termites.

Major Reveal: The big reveal is in the climax when Big Betty is chasing Tara through an underground tunnel to the “Termo-Lytes Feast” and Big Betty said she was there when Tara was covered with biting termites as a kid. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes were making a comeback eating hay, then they will killed again with insecticide!

The Termo-Lytes were “revived from the land of the dead” by the green goo made of spirulina. Big Betty thanks Meg for creating the green goo that brought them back from the dead and is helping them grow bigger and bigger all the time. Meg is embarrassed and tells her story and reveals her secret.

Influences Surface Story: Tara’s parents say leading the tour group will be “good for her sense of direction.” Tara’s Dad says that Tara is “lost in a found world.” Big Betty mentions the “glory days of old” for the Termo-Lytes. Big Betty mentions green as her “new favorite color.”

Tara and Meg and Davy into trusting her and lures them into the tunnel and enjoys it when they get lost and can’t find a way out, then she helps them find the exit, so they can trust her. However, Big Betty already knows that Tara lacks a sense of direction and is really petrified of bugs and freezes if a bug lands on her.

Hints: Tara crashes her car on a curb in the opening scene just because one little bug flew into her car. Tara can’t follow a map and gets lost without her GPS on her phone. Tara’s Dad says she doesn’t need to remain “lost in a found world.”

Tara tells Meg and Davy she’s “no big on following maps.” Meg tries to discourage Tara from turning into the abandoned country club lane…she says it could be dangerous since it’s been abandoned so long.

Big Betty talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.” Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here.”

Changes Reality: When Tara and Meg and Davy are lured into the Summer Solstice Feast, Big Betty tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze.

Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat! Big Betty tells Tara she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against the Termo-Lytes! Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago! She blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!

4-Act Structure With Deeper Meaning

ACT 1

Beginning: One month ago: In an industrial kitchen/homemade lab, a figure leaving the room brushes up against a jar of green goo on the counter.

Present Day: Tara is driving and a bug flies into the car, and she freaks out, loses control, runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree to get away from it.

Inciting Incident: Tara’s Mom and Dad ask her to drive the last tour group for the house garden tour and she reluctantly agrees to do it. Tara’s parents tell her leading a tour group will be “good for her sense of direction.”

Meg says takes a teaspoon of spirulina in her water bottle to combat a cold and tells Tara and Davy they should take it too to build immunity. Tara’s parents say leading the tour group will be “good for her sense of direction.” Tara’s Dad says that Tara is “lost in a found world.”

Turning Point 1: It starts to storm, Tara’s cell phone runs out of battery, they lose the GPS directions and run out of gas. They seek shelter at an abandoned country club.” Meg tries to discourage Tara from turning into the abandoned country club lane…she says it could be dangerous since it’s been abandoned so long.

ACT 2

Act 2: Tara, Meg and Davy try to call for help but their cell phones are dead, and the storm gets worse. They hear scary animal noises and Tara finds a place where they can hide until they can figure out their next plan. Davy starts to eat candy bars and leaves one half-eaten on the seat and Meg warns him it could attract bugs.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The group’s hiding place is a tunnel under a nest of giant Termo-Lytes, who spotted them! Big Betty says they just want to be friends, but some of the Termo-Lytes look really scary and hungry! Big Betty reassures the group and talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.” Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here.”

Big Betty smells the spirulina in Meg’s water bottle and she changes in an instant! She says green is her “new favorite color.” She snatches the water bottle from Meg and pours it on the floor and drinks it and immediately grows bigger. Big Betty’s eyes flash dark red and her teeth get pointed and longer and she and the Termo-Lytes advance on the group with hungry eyes. Big Betty says the three of them will be a “splendid additions to our Summer Solstice Feast!”

ACT 3

Act 3: Tara finds a new hiding place: an old industrial kitchen that looks like an abandoned lab. Green goo is oozing on a plant in the corner that has the good and is starting to grow fast. The Termo-Lytes are trying to break inside! Big Betty charms Tara into coming out to talk

Turning Point 3: Tara is talking to charming Big Betty, who suddenly turns on the group, snatches Davy, and takes him to an empty pool. Big Betty drops and forces him to climb into the pool as the Termo-Lytes prepare for their summer solstice feast in a dining room and their return to the living!

ACT 4

Climax: Tara and Meg retreat to the kitchen lab, and Meg reveals she owns the abandoned country club. She was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites, but she added too much Turmeric!

Tara sneaks out and stumbles across some croquet balls. She hurls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention and get Davy out of the pool. Tara and Davy make it back to the kitchen lab.

Tara notices that turned over bottle of Turmeric fell on the plant and it’s dying fast. Meg says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric.

They fight the Termo-Lytes in hand-to-hand combat as they die one-by-one from the Turmeric balls. Big Betty fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy, and Tara falls for it…until Big Betty grabs Meg and is about to eat her!

When Tara and Meg and Davy are lured into the Summer Solstice Feast, Big Betty tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze.

Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat! Big Betty tells Tara she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against the Termo-Lytes! Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago! She blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!

Tara grabs the last of the Turmeric balls and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril. She breaths it in and dies instantly!

Resolution: The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes! They leave the abandoned country club and start walking down the road, away from the Termo-Lytes. A bug lands on Tara’s shoe and she just laughs.Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!

Inside the kitchen lab, a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eating away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Character Structure

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my screenplays produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is… working out the protagonist’s and the antagonist’s character structure now will help me a lot later on, when I get into the details of the beats of the story.

Title: Termo-Lytes Attack!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

Character Structure

Tara: Protagonist

ACT 1

Beginning: Tara is driving and a bug flies into the car, and she freaks out, loses control, runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree to get away from it.

Inciting Incident: Tara’s Mom and Dad ask her to drive the last tour group for the house garden tour and she reluctantly agrees to do it.

Turning Point 1: It starts to storm, Tara’s cell phone runs out of battery, they lose the GPS directions and run out of gas. They seek shelter at an abandoned country club.

ACT 2

Act 2: Tara, Meg and Davy try to call for help but their cell phones are dead, and the storm gets worse. They hear scary animal noises and Tara finds a place where they can hide until they can figure out their next plan.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The group’s hiding place is a tunnel under a nest of giant Termo-Lytes, who spotted them! Big Betty says they just want to be friends, but some of the Termo-Lytes look really scary and hungry!

ACT 3

Act 3: Tara finds a new hiding place: an old industrial kitchen that looks like an abandoned lab. Green goo is oozing on a plant in the corner that has the good and is starting to grow fast. The Termo-Lytes are trying to break inside! Big Betty charms Tara into coming out to talk

Turning Point 3: Tara is talking to charming Big Betty, who suddenly turns on the group, snatches Davy, and takes him to an empty pool. Big Betty drops and forces him to climb into the pool as the Termo-Lytes prepare for their summer solstice feast in a dining room and their return to the living!

ACT 4

Climax: Tara and Meg retreat to the kitchen lab, and Meg reveals she owns the abandoned country club. She was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites, but she added too much Turmeric!

Tara sneaks out and stumbles across some croquet balls. She hurls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention and get Davy out of the pool. Tara and Davy make it back to the kitchen lab.

Tara notices that turned over bottle of Turmeric fell on the plant and it’s dying fast. Meg says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric.

They fight the Termo-Lytes in hand-to-hand combat as they die one-by-one from the Turmeric balls. Big Betty fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy, and Tara falls for it…until Big Betty grabs Meg and is about to eat her!

Tara grabs the last of the Turmeric balls and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril. She breaths it in and dies instantly!

Resolution: The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes! They leave the abandoned country club and start walking down the road, away from the Termo-Lytes. Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!

Inside the kitchen lab, a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eating away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them.

Character Structure

Big Betty/Termo-Lytes: Antagonist

ACT 1

Beginning: One month ago: In an industrial kitchen/homemade lab, a figure leaving the room brushes up against a jar of green goo on the counter.

Inciting Incident: The jar falls on the floor, shatters and oozes towards termites who are eating a hole at the base of a nearby wooden cabinet.

Turning Point 1: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are feasting on Palm fronds and getting bigger and bigger!

ACT 2

Act 2: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are planning their “come back” dinner for the Summer Solstice and in a few hours and they plan to take over the world!

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Big Betty finds Tara and the group’s hiding place and says she’s a friend and they can trust her and to come on out for the Summer Solstice feast!

ACT 3

Act 3: Big Betty charms Tara and the group into trusting them and helping them with the Summer Solstice feast, which is “totally vegetarian,” and the Termo-Lytes don’t eat meat, AKA people.

The Termo-Lytes turn on them and advance on them, saying they’ll make a tasty treat. Tara and the group escape to an industrial kitchen that has a makeshift lab, where they notice the green goo and the plant.

Turning Point 3: Davy runs outside the lab to grab his candy bar that fell out of his pocket and he’s snatched by Big Betty. She forces him to climb into the empty pool as the Termo-Lytes prepare for their summer solstice feast in a dining room and their return to the living!

ACT 4

Climax: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes lure Meg and Tara out of the lab, but the bugs don’t know that Meg and Tara have created Turmeric croquet balls that are poisonous to the Termo-Lytes.

Big Betty makes her big speech about their come-back and her plans to start with eating Tara, Meg and Davy first, as an appetizer. The Summer Solstice Feast will be spent invading San Diego and eating as many people as possible.

As Meg, Tara and Davy hurl the Turmeric balls at the Termo-Lytes, one-by one they eat them and die. Then Big Betty is left and has a broken leg. She begs for sympathy and they fall for it, until she grabs Meg and is about to eat her!

Tara grabs a croquet ball and jumps on Big Betty’s yucky, stinky, sticky body. She hits the croquet ball with a croquet stick and it zooms into Big Betty’s nostril. Big Betty breaths deep and it goes deeper into her nostril and before she dies, she says “I’ll be back!” then she drops dead!

Resolution: Inside the kitchen lab, a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eating away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Supporting Characters

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my screenplays produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…how to find out if my supporting characters have a purpose in the story for the protagonist’s journey and if the character provides value to the story. If they don’t have a purpose or value, they’re out!

Title: Termo-Lytes Attack!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

2. Tell us your supporting and background characters.

Supporting Characters:
–Ruth
–Mel
–Kurt
–Clare
–Max

Background Characters:
–Tour Guides/Garden Club Officers
–Garden Club Members

3. Focusing on those supporting characters, fill in the basic profile for each.

Support 1:

Name: Ruth

Role: Member of Tour Group/Garden Club Members

Main purpose: The real owner of the abandoned country club and the inventor of the green goo that awakens accidentally awakens the Termo-Lytes.

Value: Ruth is the reason the Termo-Lytes exist, and fighting the Termo-Lytes and winning is Tara’s goal.

Support 2:

Name: Mel

Role: Tara’s Mom

Main purpose: Mel pressures Tara into being the tour group driver for Ruth and her grandson, Davy. This is the inciting incident.

Value: Tara’s Mom is trying to help Tara read a map and get her confidence back and she gives Tara the challenge of leading the tour group.

Support 3:

Name: Kurt

Role: Tara’s Dad

Main purpose: Kurt also pressures Tara into being a tour driver and he is helping his wife, Tara’s Mom, organize the annual Spring Garden Club Tour. He’s trying to figure out who owns the old abandoned country club because he wants to purchase it and donate it to the Garden Club. He’s also part of the inciting incident.

Value: Kurt adds intrigue when he says he’s investigating a new location for the expanding Garden Club and he may have found the perfect place…if he can track down the buyer. He tells Tara it’s time to get over the trauma from her childhood and move on, and this adds mystery.

Support 4:

Name: Clare

Role: Tara’s best friend.

Main purpose: She tries to talk Tara out of being the tour guide so the two can attend a senior class party together.

Value: Clare presents Tara’s dilemma…should Tara do the right thing and agree with her Mom’s request to be the tour guide driver, or give into Clare and go with her to their senior party?

Support 5:

Name: Max

Role: Clare’s cousin and classmate of Clare and Tara.

Main purpose: Tara has a crush on Max, but he doesn’t know it. He thinks she just likes him as a friend. Max encourages Tara to join them at the Senior party and he even offers to drive the tour for Tara if she doesn’t want to do it.

Value: Max also presents Tara with a dilemma…should she let him do the tour group driving for her, so she doesn’t have to risk getting lost? Tara is afraid the tour will take all day and into the night, to tour all of the house gardens, and she’ll miss the Senior party, so she’s in a dilemma…to say yes to her parent’s request to lead the garden tour or say no and go to the party.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Character Profiles Part 2

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my screenplays produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…With my character profile list complete for the main characters, my character are coming alive and they are fun characters who I would like to meet and I hope the audience will too!

Title: Termo-Lytes Attack!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

2. With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:

Tara: Protagonist

The High Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

This character’s journey: Tara starts out with no sense of direction, lack of confidence, cowardly and an extreme fear of bugs and ends up with a new sense of direction, boosted confidence, courageous, and no more extreme fear of bugs.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Tara is kind, silly, a scaredy cat, overly afraid of bugs, but gains confidence and stands up to the bully and fights back and becomes courageous.

Big Betty: Antagonist (The Biggest of the Termo-Lytes/The Queen Termo-Lyte)
The High Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

This character’s journey: Big Betty starts out faking sweetness and concern for the lost tour group, and gains their trust, especially Tara’s trust, and ends up showing her true colors: a vicious predator with no sympathy and is a man-eater.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Big Betty can really turn on the charm and act sweet and kind and smile and change colors as she becomes nice, and even laughs…she ends up showing her true nature: she changes to an angry bug with a deep evil laugh and she shows no concern for anyone and she’s evil and devious.

Davy: Triangle
The High Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

This character’s journey: Davy starts out as a needy pest and selfish and self-centered to no longer a pest, more giving and willing to help others and not so needy.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Davy is super smart, pushy, funny, tries to be fearless, even when he’s afraid, but hides his sadness over his parents not spending enough time with him.

3. Brainstorm these profile components for each character.

Tara: Protagonist
Character Profiles, Part 2

7. Character Subtext:
Secret: Tara got lost in a corn maze as a kid and her legs was covered with termites.

8. Character Intrigue:
Unspoken Wound: Her legs were covered in termites as a kid.

9. Flaw:
Cowardice: Tara is extremely afraid of bugs and she tells herself she has no sense of direction without GPS on her cell phone.

10. Values:
Family: Tara loves her Mom and Dad and extended family.

11. Character Dilemma:

Winner Vs. Loser: Tara is a winner as a straight-A student but she feels like a loser because of her lack of a sense of direction and her extreme fear of bugs.

Big Betty: Antagonist (The Biggest of the Termo-Lytes/The Queen Termo-Lyte)
Character Profiles, Part 2
7. Character Subtext:
Lying: Big Betty lies when she says she won’t try to harm Tara and her group. She lies when she says she only eats wood and plants.
8. Character Intrigue:
Unspoken Wound: Big Betty is still hurt and angry about ancient man who wiped out the Termo-Lytes 5,000 years ago with pesticides.

9. Flaw:
Overconfidence: Big Betty tends to brag about her abilities and this is her downfall because she thinks she can outsmart Tara and the group.

10. Values:
Family: Big Bertha is the Queen of the Termo-Lytes and their Mom and she dotes on them constantly.

11. Character Dilemma:
Excitement Vs. Safety: Big Betty loves storms and water…but it’s not safe because she or the Termo-Lytes could drown.

Davy: Triangle
Character Profiles, Part 2:

7. Character Subtext:
Lying: Davy lies when he says his parents have abandoned him for the next year, when in fact, they’re on an anniversary trip for two weeks to Europe.

8. Character Intrigue:
Secrets: Davy has been stealing junk food from his Grandmother’s pantry and Tara’s parents’ pantry because he doesn’t want anyone to know he has an obsession with food.

9. Flaw:
Overconfidence: Davy brags about his grades, his new bike, his clothes and anything he can think of. He acts like he knows how to kill a Termo-Lyte but under pressure, at the climax, he admits he doesn’t know what would kill them.

10. Values:
Family: Davy misses his parents who are in Europe and he’s clingy with his Grandmother.

11. Character Dilemma:
Wanting External Admiration Vs. Loving Yourself: Davy brags about himself constantly to get praise or acknowledgment from others, but deep down inside, he feels bad about being overweight and a junk food eater.

4. Add those to your Character Profile from Lesson 6.

Tara: Protagonist
Tara: Character Profiles, Part 1:

1. Role in the Story: The Tour Guide without a sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs. She takes a wrong turn and drives her group to an abandoned country club overrun with giant mutant termites. She feels responsible for bringing the group here and she must overcome her fear of the giant termites to kill them and save herself and the group.

2. Age range and Description: Kooky and attractive 18-year old who would rather watch nature shows or Shark Week than go outside and risk encountering creepy crawlies, AKA bugs, or “big swimmy things,” AKA sharks or stingrays, in the ocean.

3. Core Traits:
–Cowardly
–Kind
–Silly
–Haunted

4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To kill the Termo-Lytes and survive
Need: To regain her sense of direction and get over her extreme fear of bugs.

5. Wound: Trauma from getting lost in a corn field maze as a little kid and having termites cover her shoes.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Tara puts up with Davy, the 10-year old pesty neighbor because his parents “abandoned him for the summer,” according to Davy; She tells Davy she’ll ask her Mom and Dad to buy his favorite foods, like Twinkies and Ding Dongs; she puts up with him doing a cannonball into her pool and splashing her and her best friend;

Tara only rolls her eyes and makes a face at Davy behind his back and she’s never cruel to him, only exasperated by his pushy ways; she’s kind to Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes at first, until she finds out they plan to eat her and the group!

Tara doesn’t make fun of Peg when Peg says she’s forgetful at times and it was creating the Termo-Lytes was an accident; She doesn’t make fun of Tad’s cheezy clothes and corny jokes and corniness around Peg, rather, she just watches him act cheezy and only rolls her eyes, but behind his back.

Tara’s too trusting of the Termo-Lytes and thinks the best of them at first; Tara is kind to pesty Rob; Tara gives into her parents’ request to drive the tour group on the garden tour, even though she had other plans with her friends; Tara doesn’t want to kill Queen and the Termo-Lytes…but she has to, to save her own life and the members of her tour group.

Relatability: Tara’s afraid of bugs to the extreme; she has no sense of direction and gets lost too easily and relies too much on her cell phone’s GPS; she’s struggling with trauma from the past.

Tara is a scaredy cat and avoids danger and relies on others to take charge and solve problems; she’s addicted to Cheez-Its; she still loves to climb trees at age 18; she can’t read a map and is embarrassed about it and tries to fake that she can’t read it and act like she knows where she’s going.

Empathy: Tara is petrified of bugs and jumps out of her car and climbs a tree to get away from them; She’s embarrassed that she can’t read a map and she gets lost easily and doesn’t like to go far from home.

Tara shares her story with tour group about getting lost in the corn maze as a kid and having her feet covered with termites; Tara is in peril when Queen turns on her and the group and tries to eat them; Tara gets hurt fighting Queen and Termo-Lytes;

Tara cries and says she’s petrified of bugs, and the Termo-Lytes are 10 feet tall and “getting big with each bite,” Tara gets lost in the maze of underground speakeasy tunnels at the country club and she gets scared and tries to hide; Tara and her group are throw in a pot for Queen and the Termo-Lytes “dinner special.”

Tara: Character Profiles, Part 2
7. Character Subtext:
Secret: Tara got lost in a corn maze as a kid and her legs was covered with termites.

8. Character Intrigue:
Unspoken Wound: Her legs were covered in termites as a kid.

9. Flaw:
Cowardice: Tara is extremely afraid of bugs and she tells herself she has no sense of direction without GPS on her cell phone.

10. Values:
Family: Tara loves her Mom and Dad and extended family.

11. Character Dilemma:

Winner Vs. Loser: Tara is a winner as a straight-A student but she feels like a loser because of her lack of a sense of direction and her extreme fear of bugs.

Big Betty (The Biggest of the Termo-Lytes/The Queen Termo-Lyte): Antagonist

Big Betty: Character Profiles, Part 1:

1. Role in the Story: The Queen of the Termo-Lytes and the largest one, she’s 10-ft tall. She’s determined to bring her species back to earth and right the wrongs from the past when the Termo-Lytes were killed by ancient versions of modern insecticides by the Sumerians.

2. Age range and Description: Large and in charge, 10-feet tall mutant termite with a flare for changing into light and pretty colors when she’s manipulating others, but can turn a dark red when she’s angry, then look out!

3. Core Traits:
–Fake sweet
–Manipulative
–Cares about her species surviving

–Not trustworthy

4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To eat Tara and the group
Need: To bring back her ancient species and ensure their survival

5. Wound: She’s angry about ancient man creating pesticides 5,000 years ago and wiping out her species.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Big Betty is charming when Tara and her group encounter her and the Termo-Lytes for the first time, and she gives them a dazzling smile and turns different sparkling colors and looks kind and motherly; Queen offers Tara and her tour group fresh water from the spring the Termo-Lytes dug and fruit and snack; she’s a loving Mom to the Termo-Lytes.

Big Betty says they can seek shelter at the country club until the storm passes. Queen assures Tara and her group that they only eat the wood furniture and other structures in the building and that humans “aren’t all that tasty.”

Relatability: Big Betty says having all this wood to eat is like being a “kid in a candy shop,”; Queen keeps growing taller and larger after every piece of furniture she eats and she laughs and said she’s going to have to “start watching her figure soon,”; Queen says it’s not easy being the Mother to ten Termo-Lytes and she hopes they don’t run out of tables and sofas to snack on.

Empathy: Big Betty is hurt and angry with ancient man, who invented insecticides 5,000 years ago and wiped out her special species of Termo-Lytes, and they’ve been waiting, dormant since then, to come back and enjoy life again.

Big Betty: Character Profiles, Part 2
7. Character Subtext:
Lying: Big Betty lies when she says she won’t try to harm Tara and her group. She lies when she says she only eats wood and plants.
8. Character Intrigue:
Unspoken Wound: Big Betty is still hurt and angry about ancient man who wiped out the Termo-Lytes 5,000 years ago with pesticides.

9. Flaw:
Overconfidence: Big Betty tends to brag about her abilities and this is her downfall because she thinks she can outsmart Tara and the group.
10. Values:
Family: Big Bertha is the Queen of the Termo-Lytes and their Mom and she dotes on them constantly.

11. Character Dilemma:
Excitement Vs. Safety: Big Betty loves storms and water…but it’s not safe because she or the Termo-Lytes could drown.

Davy: Character Profiles, Part 1

1. Role in the Story: Triangle
2. Age range and Description: 10-year old know-it-all mini-adult plump kid who eats too much junk food and loves old sci-fi bug movies, dinosaurs and is always up for adventure.

3. Core Traits:
–Inquisitive

–Pesty

–Needy

–Fearless

4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To kill the Termo-Lytes and survive
Need: To fit in and find love from his parents
5. Wound: He thinks his parents have abandoned him for the summer.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Davy is super smart and kind to all living things, even little bugs like gnats; he grows on a person, like he grows on Tara; he’s enthusiastic and always wanting to learn new things and he questions everything and tries to make up his own mine; he tries to be brave when he’s scared.
Relatability: New to the area, trying to make new friends, missing his old friends he left behind; worried his parents have abandoned him with his grandmother, Peggy.

Empathy: Davy is held captive by Big Betty and she’s planning to eat him! Davy scrapes his knees and is bleeding and needs help from Tara and the group. Davy says his parents have abandoned him and he can’t make new friends because his Grandmother, Peggy, doesn’t know any kids his age.

Davy: Character Profiles, Part 2:

7. Character Subtext:
Lying: Davy lies when he says his parents have abandoned him for the next year, when in fact, they’re on an anniversary trip for two weeks to Europe.

8. Character Intrigue:
Secrets: Davy has been stealing junk food from his Grandmother’s pantry and Tara’s parents’ pantry because he doesn’t want anyone to know he has an obsession with food.

9. Flaw:
Overconfidence: Davy brags about his grades, his new bike, his clothes and anything he can think of. He acts like he knows how to kill a Termo-Lyte but under pressure, at the climax, he admits he doesn’t know what would kill them.

10. Values:
Family: Davy misses his parents who are in Europe and he’s clingy with his Grandmother.

11. Character Dilemma:
Wanting External Admiration Vs. Loving Yourself: Davy brags about himself constantly to get praise or acknowledgment from others, but deep down inside, he feels bad about being overweight and a junk food eater.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Character Profiles Part 1

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have all of my screenplays produced into fabulous movies, thoroughly entertaining the audience and making them laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…It’s fun to create the character profiles because my characters are taking shape and coming alive! I can follow their profiles to create their dialogue and actions!

Title: Termo-Lytes Attack!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

2. With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:

Tara: Protagonist

The High Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

This character’s journey: Tara starts out with no sense of direction, lack of confidence, cowardly and an extreme fear of bugs and ends up with a new sense of direction, boosted confidence, courageous, and no more extreme fear of bugs.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Tara is kind, silly, a scaredy cat, overly afraid of bugs, but gains confidence and stands up to the bully and fights back and becomes courageous.

Big Betty: Antagonist (The Biggest of the Termo-Lytes/The Queen Termo-Lyte)
The High Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

This character’s journey: Big Betty starts out faking sweetness and concern for the lost tour group, and gains their trust, especially Tara’s trust, and ends up showing her true colors: a vicious predator with no sympathy and is a man-eater.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Big Betty can really turn on the charm and act sweet and kind and smile and change colors as she becomes nice, and even laughs…she ends up showing her true nature: she changes to an angry bug with a deep evil laugh and she shows no concern for anyone and she’s evil and devious.

Davy: Triangle

The High Concept: A teenage tour guide with an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

This character’s journey: Davy starts out as a needy pest and selfish and self-centered to no longer a pest, more giving and willing to help others and not so needy.

The Actor Attractors for this character: Davy is super smart, pushy, funny, tries to be fearless, even when he’s afraid, but hides his sadness over his parents not spending enough time with him.

3. Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.

Character Profiles, Part 1

Tara: Protagonist

1. Role in the Story: The Tour Guide without a sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs. She takes a wrong turn and drives her group to an abandoned country club overrun with giant mutant termites. She feels responsible for bringing the group here and she must overcome her fear of the giant termites to kill them and save herself and the group.

2. Age range and Description: Kooky and attractive 18-year old who would rather watch nature shows or Shark Week than go outside and risk encountering creepy crawlies, AKA bugs, or “big swimmy things,” AKA sharks or stingrays, in the ocean.

3. Core Traits:

–Cowardly

–Kind

–Silly

–Haunted

4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To kill the Termo-Lytes and survive
Need: To regain her sense of direction and get over her extreme fear of bugs.

5. Wound: Trauma from getting lost in a corn field maze as a little kid and having termites cover her shoes.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Tara puts up with Davy, the 10-year old pesty neighbor because his parents “abandoned him for the summer,” according to Davy; She tells Davy she’ll ask her Mom and Dad to buy his favorite foods, like Twinkies and Ding Dongs; she puts up with him doing a cannonball into her pool and splashing her and her best friend;

Tara only rolls her eyes and makes a face at Davy behind his back and she’s never cruel to him, only exasperated by his pushy ways; she’s kind to Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes at first, until she finds out they plan to eat her and the group!

Tara doesn’t make fun of Peg when Peg says she’s forgetful at times and it was creating the Termo-Lytes was an accident; She doesn’t make fun of Tad’s cheezy clothes and corny jokes and corniness around Peg, rather, she just watches him act cheezy and only rolls her eyes, but behind his back.

Tara’s too trusting of the Termo-Lytes and thinks the best of them at first; Tara is kind to pesty Rob; Tara gives into her parents’ request to drive the tour group on the garden tour, even though she had other plans with her friends; Tara doesn’t want to kill Queen and the Termo-Lytes…but she has to, to save her own life and the members of her tour group.

Relatability: Tara’s afraid of bugs to the extreme; she has no sense of direction and gets lost too easily and relies too much on her cell phone’s GPS; she’s struggling with trauma from the past.

Tara is a scaredy cat and avoids danger and relies on others to take charge and solve problems; she’s addicted to Cheez-Its; she still loves to climb trees at age 18; she can’t read a map and is embarrassed about it and tries to fake that she can’t read it and act like she knows where she’s going.

Empathy: Tara is petrified of bugs and jumps out of her car and climbs a tree to get away from them; She’s embarrassed that she can’t read a map and she gets lost easily and doesn’t like to go far from home.

Tara shares her story with tour group about getting lost in the corn maze as a kid and having her feet covered with termites; Tara is in peril when Queen turns on her and the group and tries to eat them; Tara gets hurt fighting Queen and Termo-Lytes;

Tara cries and says she’s petrified of bugs, and the Termo-Lytes are 10 feet tall and “getting big with each bite,” Tara gets lost in the maze of underground speakeasy tunnels at the country club and she gets scared and tries to hide; Tara and her group are throw in a pot for Queen and the Termo-Lytes “dinner special.”

Big Betty: Antagonist

1. Role in the Story: The Queen of the Termo-Lytes and the largest one, she’s 10-ft tall. She’s determined to bring her species back to earth and right the wrongs from the past when the Termo-Lytes were killed by ancient versions of modern insecticides by the Sumerians.

2. Age range and Description: Large and in charge, 10-feet tall mutant termite with a flare for changing into light and pretty colors when she’s manipulating others, but can turn a dark red when she’s angry, then look out!

3. Core Traits:
–Fake sweet
–Manipulative
–Cares about her species surviving

–Not trustworthy

4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To eat Tara and the group
Need: To bring back her ancient species and ensure their survival

5. Wound: She’s angry about ancient man creating pesticides 5,000 years ago an wiping out her species.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Big Betty is charming when Tara and her group encounter her and the Termo-Lytes for the first time, and she gives them a dazzling smile and turns different sparkling colors and looks kind and motherly; Queen offers Tara and her tour group fresh water from the spring the Termo-Lytes dug and fruit and snack; she’s a loving Mom to the Termo-Lytes.

Big Betty says they can seek shelter at the country club until the storm passes. Queen assures Tara and her group that they only eat the wood furniture and other structures in the building and that humans “aren’t all that tasty.”

Relatability: Big Betty says having all this wood to eat is like being a “kid in a candy shop,”; Queen keeps growing taller and larger after every piece of furniture she eats and she laughs and said she’s going to have to “start watching her figure soon,”; Queen says it’s not easy being the Mother to ten Termo-Lytes and she hopes they don’t run out of tables and sofas to snack on.

Empathy: Big Betty is hurt and angry with ancient man, who invented insecticides 5,000 years ago and wiped out her special species of Termo-Lytes, and they’ve been waiting, dormant since then, to come back and enjoy life again.

Davy: Triangle

1. Role in the Story: Triangle

2. Age range and Description: 10-year old know-it-all mini-adult plump kid who eats too much junk food and loves old sci-fi bug movies, dinosaurs and is always up for adventure.

3. Core Traits:
–Inquisitive

–Pesty

–Needy

–Fearless

4. Motivation; Want/Need:

Want: To kill the Termo-Lytes and survive
Need: To fit in and find love from his parents

5. Wound: He thinks his parents have abandoned him for the summer.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: Davy is super smart and kind to all living things, even little bugs like gnats; he grows on a person, like he grows on Tara; he’s enthusiastic and always wanting to learn new things and he questions everything and tries to make up his own mine; he tries to be brave when he’s scared.

Relatability: New to the area, trying to make new friends, missing his old friends he left behind; worried his parents have abandoned him with his grandmother, Peggy.

Empathy: Davy is held captive by Big Betty and she’s planning to eat him! Davy scrapes his knees and is bleeding and needs help from Tara and the group. Davy says his parents have abandoned him and he can’t make new friends because his Grandmother, Peggy, doesn’t know any kids his age.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have all of my screenplays produced into fabulous movies and be independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…making my protagonist and antagonist more likable, relatable and easy to feel empathy for makes them even more real to me and I’m hoping the audience will feel the same way!

Title: Termo-Lytes Attack!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

2. Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist through each of these:

Character Name: Tara
Role: Protagonist

Likability: Tara puts up with Rob, the 10-year old pesty neighbor because his parents “abandoned him for the summer,” according to Rob; She tells Rob she’ll ask her Mom and Dad to buy his favorite foods, like Twinkies and Ding Dongs; she puts up with him doing a cannonball into her pool and splashing her and her best friend;

Tara only rolls her eyes and makes a face at Rob behind his back and she’s never cruel to him, only exasperated by his pushy ways; she’s kind to Queen and the Termo-Lytes at first, until she finds out they plan to eat her and the group!

She doesn’t make fun of Peg when Peg says she’s forgetful at times and it was creating the Termo-Lytes was an accident; She doesn’t make fun of Tad’s cheezy clothes and corny jokes and corniness around Peg, rather, she just watches him act cheezy and only rolls her eyes, but behind his back.

Tara’s too trusting of the Termo-Lytes and thinks the best of them at first; Tara is kind to pesty Rob; Tara gives into her parents’ request to drive the tour group on the garden tour, even though she had other plans with her friends; Tara doesn’t want to kill Queen and the Termo-Lytes…but she has to, to save her own life and the members of her tour group.

Relatability: Tara’s afraid of bugs to the extreme; she has no sense of direction and gets lost too easily and relies too much on her cell phone’s GPS; she’s struggling with trauma from the past; she’s a scaredy cat and avoids danger and relies on others to take charge and solve problems; she’s addicted to Cheez-Its; she still loves to climb trees at age 18; she can’t read a map and is embarrassed about it and tries to fake that she can’t read it and act like she knows where she’s going.

Empathy: Tara is petrified of bugs and jumps out of her car and climbs a tree to get away from them; She’s embarrassed that she can’t read a map and she gets lost easily and doesn’t like to go far from home; Tara shares her story with tour group about getting lost in the corn maze as a kid and having her feet covered with termites; Tara is in peril when Queen turns on her and the group and tries to eat them; Tara gets hurt fighting Queen and Termo-Lytes.

Tara cries and says she’s petrified of bugs, and the Termo-Lytes are 10 feet tall and “getting big with each bite,” Tara gets lost in the maze of underground speakeasy tunnels at the country club and she gets scared and tries to hide. Tara and her group are throw in a pot for Queen and the Termo-Lytes “dinner special.”

3. Just to get the experience, give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these:

Character Name: Termo-Lyte #1 AKA Queen
Role: Antagonist

Likability: Queen is charming when Tara and her group encounter her and the Termo-Lytes for the first time, and she gives them a dazzling smile and turns different sparkling colors and looks kind and motherly; Queen offers Tara and her tour group fresh water from the spring the Termo-Lytes dug and fruit and snack;

Queen says they can seek shelter at the country club until the storm passes. Queen assures Tara and her group that they only eat the wood furniture and other structures in the building and that humans “aren’t all that tasty.”

Relatability: Queen says having all this wood to eat is like being a “kid in a candy shop,”; Queen keeps growing taller and larger after every piece of furniture she eats and she laughs and said she’s going to have to “start watching her figure soon,”; Queen says it’s not easy being the Mother to ten Termo-Lytes and she hopes they don’t run out of tables and sofas to snack on.

Empathy: Queen is hurt and angry with ancient man, who invented insecticides 5,000 years ago and wiped out her special species of Termo-Lytes, and they’ve been waiting, dormant since then, to come back and enjoy life again.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Character Intrigue

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have all of my screenplays produced into fabulous movies!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…building intrigue into my characters makes them much more real and interesting and fun to write about! Even giant mutant termites can have intrigue, ha! ha!

Title: Termo-Lytes Attack!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

2. For each of your main characters, use this list to brainstorm one or more Intrigue items that might apply. You don’t need all of them; just one or two.

Character Name: Tara
Role: Protagonist
Hidden agendas: Tries to get out of being the tour guide despite her parents’ request.
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets: She was lost in a corn maze as a child and had termites biting her legs and in her hair. She can’t read a map and she won’t even try. She can’t go anywhere without her GPS on her phone.
Deception: She pretends she can read the map on the tour because she’s embarrassed to admit that she doesn’t know how to read a map.
Unspoken Wound: She believes because she was lost in the corn maze as a child, she has no sense of direction and, therefore, doesn’t like to go far from home. She’s also petrified of bugs, especially termites.
Secret Identity:

Character Name: Termo-Lyte #1 AKA Queen
Role: Antagonist
Hidden agendas: Queen wants to get Tara and her group into the empty pool so she can throw a net she’s knitted over them, then add water from a water hose and make a “tasty soup” out of them!
Competition:
Conspiracies:
Secrets: Queen and her clan of Termo-Lytes lived 5,000 years ago and have been dead in the ground and were brought alive by the toxic green fluid that spilled on the ground. She and her clan are the ancient ancestors of today’s “weak and useless” termites.
Deception: Queen is sweet and kind to Tara and the group and she sings a siren’s song and changes to lovely colors and appears beautiful. Then, when angered, she can turn an angry dark orange and red and shriek like a demon. She doesn’t explain to Tara and the group that the Termo-Lytes grow quickly when they eat protein, AKA “people protein!”
Unspoken Wound: She’s angry about ancient man using insecticides to kill the Termo-Lytes to farm their land.
Secret Identity:

3. Give us an idea of how that character’s subtext might show up in your movie.

Character Name: Tara
Role: Protagonist

Tara doesn’t like to go drive further than a 10-mile radius from her home and school and parents and friends; If she has to drive further than that, she always get a friend, a neighbor, or her parents to drive her.

A bug flies into Tara’s car, she crashes it into the curb, jumps out and climbs a tree to get away! Tara gets lost easily without her GPS on her phone; Tara takes wrong turns and gets lost when she’s under pressure.

Tara goes out of her way to avoid the termites on the side of a neighbor’s house; Tara crosses the street to avoid an anthill on a neighbor’s lawn; at first waits for people to rescue her group from the abandoned country club and the Termo-Lytes; at first assumes Peg and John will figure out how to escape from the Termo-Lytes

Character Name: Termo-Lyte #1 AKA Queen
Role: Antagonist

Queen snarls, then when she encounters Tara and her group, she pastes on a fake smile and welcomes them to her “palace” at the country club and has a sweet chants; Queen appears kind and enchanting when she asks Tara and the group to join her and the Termo-Lytes in a “celebratory” feast and dance;

Queen changes to sparkling, lovely colors whenever she smiles; Queen tells Tara they must take a secret route to get to her “palace” which ends up being just an old ballroom with chandeliers; Queen talks Tara into climbing down into the pool to get her “baby” because she’s not good at climbing, then she tries to attack Tara.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Subtext Characters

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have all of my screenplays produced into fabulous movies!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…following these brainstorming steps makes it much easier to add subtext to my characters adding subtext makes the characters more interesting and intriguing and fun!

2. With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:
Movie Title: Shaun of the Dead
Character Name: Shaun
Subtext Identity: Grief/Loss Wound
Subtext Trait: Avoids change at all cost, likes to keep everything the same and mundane.
Subtext Logline: Shaun has a grief/loss wound and covers it by refusing to change.
Possible Areas of Subtext: He wants to drink at his favorite bar, The Winchester, ever day after work with the same people and his best friend, Ed and the bar regulars; he doesn’t want to change his boring job; he doesn’t want to change his lifestyle, even for his girlfriend, Liz; he won’t accept his Mom’s husband, even though she has been married to her husband for 17 years.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes!
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

3. For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:

Character Name: Tara (protagonist)
Subtext Identity: Fear & Abandonment Wound
Subtext Trait: Avoids challenges, doesn’t take chances, relies on others to solve her problems
Subtext Logline: Tara has a fear & abandonment wound and covers it by not driving out of her neighborhood and her extreme fear and avoidance of bugs.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Tara doesn’t like to go drive further than a 10-mile radius from her home and school and parents and friends; Tara gets lost easily without her GPS on her phone; Tara takes wrong turns and gets lost when she’s under pressure; Tara goes out of her way to avoid the termites on the side of a neighbor’s house; Tara crosses the street to avoid an anthill on a neighbor’s lawn; at first waits for people to rescue her group from the abandoned country club and the Termo-Lytes; at first assumes Peg and John will figure out how to escape from the Termo-Lytes

Character Name: Termo-Lyte #1,
AKA Queen (antagonist)

Subtext Identity: The Victim

Subtext Trait: Manipulator who
deceives Tara by being sweet at first and telling a tale of woe

Subtext Logline: Queen is a
victim of ancient pesticides from thousands of years ago and she is
secretly plotting revenge on the human race by growing bigger and eating
everyone.

Possible Areas of Subtext:
Queen snarls, then when she encounters Tara and her group, she pastes on a
fake smile and welcomes them to her “palace” at the country club; Queen
appears kind and enchanting when she asks Tara and the group to join her
and the Termo-Lytes in a “celebratory” feast; Queen changes to sparkling,
lovely colors whenever she smiles; Queen tells Tara they must take a
secret route to get to her “palace” which ends up being just an old
ballroom with chandeliers; Queen talks Tara into climbing down into the
pool to get her “baby” because she’s not good at climbing, then she tries
to attack Tara

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Actor Attractors!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have all of my screenplays produced into fabulous movies!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…Actor Attractors are fun to build into the main characters because they help make my characters unique and fun!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes!
Genre: Comedy (sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE

Lead Character Name: Tara

Role: Protagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? Tara is an unusual 18-year old because she’s unusually afraid of bugs, she has no sense of direction and she’s a scaredy cat and a bumbler.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? Tara has some strange quirks…she’s 18 but still loves to climb trees, she’s unusually afraid of bugs, like a little girl and she harbors a secret trauma from her childhood,

She likes to add “ISH” to the end of many of her words, in honor of one of her favorite singers, Billie Eilish, and she loves mid-century modern design, especially the Tiki culture.

Tara starts out as a scaredy cat bumbler and ends up as a fierce warrior who fights giant mutant termites, AKA the Termo-Lytes in hand-to-hand combat and wins!

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? In the opening scene, she a bug flies into her car while she’s driving. She speeds up, then crashes her car on the curb, jumps out and climbs a tree, as a cop tries to pull her over.

In the final scene, she leads the fight, along with 10-year old Robbie and 90-year old Margaret and 95-year old George, against the giant mutant termites. She figures out an ingenious way to kill the Termo-Lytes, with palm tree frond skink bombs!

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? In the opening scene, while Tara is driving and giving her philosophy about hiding when things get scary. She also talks about her fear of bugs, and that she loves old and current sci-fi bug and creature moves, where the hero fights the bugs/creatures and wins.

She explains can live vicariously through the hero without sticking her neck out or being in danger herself. She also adds “ISH” to many words when she speaks because she loves Billie Eilish’s songs.

A bug flies in her car window, she freaks out, guns it, crashes on a curb, jumps out and climbs up a tree to get away from it!

5. What could be this character’s emotional range? Tara starts out as a bumbling scaredy cat without any sense of direction and very little self-confidence, and she ends up as a fearless warrior who fights giant mutant termites, AKA the Termo-Lytes, who are trying to eat her and her tour group, and she wins!

6. What subtext can the actor play? Tara has an aversion to bugs and to corn on the cob, and the movie Children of the Corn, and makes reference to “being lost in a found world” and alludes to a childhood terror, and it’s revealed at the end of the movie what she’s referring to.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? She starts out being sick of her pesky 10-year old neighbor, Robbie, and trying to get rid of him, to working with him to kill the mutant termites, AKA Termo-Lytes, and the two get to know each other and see their other sides and share their secrets and at the end of the movie, they become good friends.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through the contrast of Tara’s unnatural fear of bugs and the fact that she has a love/hate relationship with creature feature movies, where she can live through the hero vicariously.

9. What could make this character special and unique? Tara’s goofy, scaredy-cat ways in the opening scene and her obsession with creature feature and bug movies, and how she uses this knowledge and courage she’s gain vicariously through the movie hero’s to fight the giant mutant Termo-Lytes and win! She gets her courage and ideas to fight the giant bugs from various creature feature and bug movies she’s watched since childhood.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE

Lead Character Name: Termo-Lyte #1, AKA the Queen

Role: Antagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
I’m assuming since this is a 10- or 15-foot giant mutant termite, this will be played by a voice actor. The Queen is charming, but manipulative and underneath, very mean and vicious. She wants to take over the world and lay Termo-Lyte eggs everywhere and kill all the humans. She pretends she is hurt to get Tara and the group’s sympathy then she strikes out at them and tries to wrap them up in her web.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? The irony of Queen being so sweet and motherly…she even knits booties for the baby Termo-Lytes.

She says she just wants to live in peace and co-exist with humans… like Charlotte in Charlotte’s Web, but that’s a façade, and she’s secretly building a giant nest to lay her numerous eggs. Underneath it all, she’s crazy, power hungry and vicious. She isn’t just happy to take over the country club…she wants to take over San Diego, SoCal, then the world!

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script? Queen hides and spews forth a pinkish red substance that looks like blood, to get Tara and the group’s sympathy…but the substance is a toxic goo that can paralyze a human.

In the final scene, Queen even bites off her own long leg and uses it as a weapon to fight in hand-to-hand combat with Tara, Robbie, Margaret and George.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? Queen starts out being friendly to Tara and the group as she’s cooking on a stove and making dinner for the Termo-Lytes. She even bakes a bug pie!

Queen invites Tara and her group to join them for dinner, then gains their trust and then wraps them up with yarn and throws them in her “pot on the stove for seasoning.” She’s so charming at first, even though she’s scary looking and a ten foot tall mutant termite, but she can become mean and vicious if Tara or anyone looks at her funny or she gets hungry, which is often.

She and the Termo-Lytes are half-way through eating the wood at the country club, and she says “people taste like wood and have good protein,” so when they finish all the wood, they’ll enjoy eating Tara and her friends.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range? Queen starts out faking like she’s in distress, and she’s just a helpless six-inch tall Termo-Lyte and she’s friendly and sweet…but over time, her mean side takes over and she becomes her true self…a vicious killer with a big appetite!

6. What subtext can the actor play? Queen talks about craving healthy green smoothies, and all kinds of lean proteins, because she’s on the Keto diet. However, the green smoothies are really the green “toxic” vat of bug killer goo that somebody left in a workroom at the country club, not knowing that the concoction is “really quiet delicious, nutritious and helps us Termo-Lytes grow big and strong.”

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?
Queen strikes up a friendship with Tara at first, because she’s in distress and Tara feels sorry for her and comes to her aid. She also strikes up a friendship with Robbie, but nobody realizes that she wants to get Robbie to drink some of the green goo, so he’ll become a Termo-Lyte too, and the bugs can make him their new mascot.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through the contrast of Queen’s sweet, kindly, but fake nature, and her vicious, hissing, striking, people-eating true self when her true nature is revealed. She can even change color from a pretty light pastels when she’s sweet to angry red and orange when she’s ready to kill them!

9. What could make this character special and unique? Queen’s dramatic appeal for help and faking her injury and crying when Tara and the group first come upon her at the country club to her vicious, true nature being revealed at the end when she tries to cook them in a pot of green goo and make a giant smoothie out of them! She can change colors as her mood changes, from sweet and light and frothy mint green and pinks to angry red and orange.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Actor attractors for SHAUN OF THE DEAD

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have all of my screenplays produced into fabulous movies!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…even comedy spoof movies have protagonists that go on a transformational journey and they have subtext and emotional range!

ACTOR ATTRACTORS Template

Movie Title: Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Genre: Comedy

Lead Character Name: Shaun

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role? Shaun’s character arc is amazing! He starts out as a passive, clueless clerk in an electronics store who floats through life and he ends up as a fearless, inventive warrior who goes face-to-face with zombies and wins!

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Shaun is an average guy who is called upon to do extraordinary things…he does hand-to-hand combat with a hoard of zombies, and he although he suffers loss of his Mom, Step Dad and best friend, at the end, although he is tougher and wiser, he’s still a nice guy, and he has won his girlfriend back.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie? Rescues his girlfriend and her roommates from zombies who surround her building. Rescues his Mom and Step Dad from zombies. Continually devises ways to outsmart and then kill some of the zombies to stay alive. He even stays friends with his best friend, Ed, after Ed becomes a zombie.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Shaun gets up and goes to work every day and is literally oblivious of his surroundings. His highlight in his day is drinking with his best friend, Ed, at the Winchester Bar in his neighborhood. He so oblivious of his surroundings when he goes to his local convenience store, and gets a soda out of the fridge, he doesn’t even notice bloody hand prints on the fridge’s glass door.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Shaun remains calm, cool and collected in the beginning but then he takes action and becomes a brave warrior and fights the zombies and wins, then in the end, he’s calm and cool and happy just hanging out with his girlfriend, and then in the final scene, he’s happy hanging out with his best friend, Ed, who’s now a zombie, and he’s still Shaun’s best friend, and they play video games like they always did!

6. What subtext can the actor play? Shaun still misses his father, who passed away when he was 13, and that’s why he’s never accepted his Step Dad, who has been married to his Mom for more than 15 years.

Because of the emotional trauma of losing his Dad when he was so young, he’s spent his teenage years and adult years avoiding any change. He wants everything to stay the same and he avoids conflict. He’s happy with the same-old same-old day after day because it’s safer than losing people or his world.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? Shaun remains loyal to his best friend, Ed, who is his roommate, although he rarely pays rent, is a slob and lays around all day and doesn’t work…Ed just wants to eat and drink and play video games.

Shaun will never say anything about Ed because they’re childhood friends. Shaun is so loyal to Ed that in the final scene, even though Ed is now a zombie, Shaun goes into the backyard shed where Ed is in chains, and they start playing their favorite video game!

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? Shaun is kind and never criticizes anyone! He even refuses to end his friendship with his best friend, Ed, who is a mooch and a slob, even though Shaun’s girlfriend is fed up with Shaun’s avoidance of change.

Shaun just wants to stay at his boring job at the electronics store and then go meet Ed at their favorite neighborhood bar, The Winchester. Shaun is oblivious of his surroundings every day! He goes through his days on auto pilot.

For example, when Shaun walks down to the corner store, and gets a soda out of the refrigerator, he doesn’t even notice the bloody handprints on the glass door! He’s oblivious of his surrounding and doesn’t even notice the bloody hand prints and the zombies in the street until there are a lot of them.

9. What makes this character special and unique? Shaun is kind, oblivious of the world around him, and he’s very likable, however, he’s able to go from a passive, mellow guy is loyal to his loser friend, Ed and who hates any kind of change to a courageous warrior who can kill zombies. Then at the end, he goes back to being mellow, but he’s braver, because he can still be best friends with Ed, who is now a zombie!

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.) In the final scene, when Shaun has killed the zombies in his house and the authorities have arrived and killed the rest of the zombies in London, Shaun goes out to the shed in his backyard, and we wonder why.

He opens up the door, goes in surprise! There is Ed, who we thought was killed by the zombies! However, Ed is now a zombie, but Shaun is still loyal to Ed as his best friend, and he admonishes Ed from trying to bite him, then laughs and the two start playing video games again, just like in the beginning of the movie. Shaun is still loyal to his childhood friend, Ed, even when Ed is zombie.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Genre Conventions

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my many scripts produced into fabulous movies!

What I learned doing this assignment is…building in the genre conventions early on in the writing process helps make the script much more engaging and hopefully more exciting too.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes!

Concept: A cowardly teenage tour guide leads her group in the wrong direction and they end up at an abandoned country club overrun by giant termites.

Genre: Comedy/sci-fi

CONVENTIONS OF COMEDY

PURPOSE: To entertain the audience with a story packed with laughter-inducing moments.

INCONGRUENCE: Some aspect of the journey, world, characters, or perspective is incongruent in a way that causes the audience to laugh. The unconventional pairing of two things, people, or situations in any way that causes laughter.

MECHANICS OF COMEDY: Specific devices are used to induce laughter: Primarily, the Setup / Punchline. Also, devices like toppers, running gags, sight and prop humor. This also includes comedic situations like “Fish out of water,” Incongruent Pairings, Hilarious Purpose, Absurd situation, Misinterpretation, etc..

COMEDIC PROTAGONIST(S): Whether deliberately funny or the ‘straight man’ of the story, the Protagonist triggers countless amusing situations through their incongruent perspectives, choices and reactions to events.

STRONG STORY: Comedy is not enough. You need a story that keeps us engaged throughout the movie.

4-Act Transformation Structure-With Genre Conventions Added

Act 1:

Opening: In a makeshift lab, a figure dressed in bulky raingear leaves the room and brushes against a bottle of green glowing solution labeled EPERIMENTAL BUG SOLUTION. DO NOT USE! It falls onto the floor and the fluid flows towards termites who are eating the base of a cabinet.

Tara is driving with her Google Maps on, giving her directions. Her cell battery goes dead and she’s lost. She pulls over and notices a spider in her car. She screams, tries to shoe it away. Distracted by the bug, she starts driving fast, makes a wrong turn and ends up going the wrong way on a one-way street.

She gets pulled over by a cop and begs him to remove the spider and he does while she jumps over the front seat and hides in the backseat and pulls a blanket over her head and starts munching a box of Cheez-Its.

Inciting Incident: Tara’s Mom and Dad rope her into being a garden tour guide. They give her a large map and point out the route and her guests arrive and a little kid sneers at her.

Turning Point: On the garden tour, Tara takes a wrong turn, they go in the wrong direction. It starts to storm and her map blows out the window. They are lost!

Act 2:

New plan: Tara says she remembers this area as a kid and everyone rolls their eyes. She there’s a short-cut to an abandoned mansion she went to as a kid on Halloween.

Plan in action: Tara drives past the mansion and pulls into a side road and they don’t see a sign that says PRIVATE PROPERTY. GET OUTTA HERE! WE MEAN IT! They arrive at an abandoned country club. The entrance is covered with termites and Tara screams and runs toward a side entrance. She finds an unlocked door that leads to an old locker room that leads to an office that looks like an old laboratory.

Midpoint Turning Point: They hear horrible loud noises outside the office laboratory…they open the door to an empty outdoor lap pool where giant mutant termites see them and start to move towards their hiding place. Tara dives under a desk to hide and starts munching on Cheez-Its. The kid tries to hide with her, she tries to push him out but he squeezes in along with the others.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Tara figures out that the mutant termites must have been concocted by the green solution on the workroom table. If they try to hide, the Termo-Lytes will eat them! They must fight back!

New plan: Tara notices that the Termo-Lytes eat anything but they don’t eat palm fronds. When a palm frond falls on a Termo-Lyte, the mutant shrivels up and melts.

Tara teams up with the bratty kid to climb palm trees and cut off palm fronds but both are afraid of heights and they can’t stand each other. She says they should lure the Termo-Lytes near the empty pool until they fall in and then throw balloons at them filled with rain water and cut up palm fronds.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The bratty kid is captured by the biggest Termo-Lyte who puts him on a table for their feast, as they prepare to eat them at a dinner!

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Clara reveals she owns the abandoned country club and she created the green fluid to find an eco-friendly way to get rid of the termites, but it made them into giant mutants.

The group gets busy making the water balloon until Clara and the old man are picked up by the Termo-Lytes and put on the table for dinner with the bratty kid. Tara starts pelting the mutants with rocks and makes faces at them and tempts them with Cheez-Its

The Termo-Lytes chase her to the pool. One by one, they fall in, and then Tara pelts them with more balloons, but it’s not enough to stop them. So she climbs a tree above the pool and starts cutting off palm fronts and tree limbs that fall into the pool. It kills all of the Termo-Lytes except for one, that grows up into the top of the tree, where Tara shoves a giant palm frond in its nose and kills it!

Resolution: The storm subsides and they finally get cell service and Tara calls her Mom and Dad to come and pick them up and says there’s no problem, they just took a short detour!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s 4-Act Transformational Structure

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my many scripts produced into fabulous movies!

What I learned doing this assignment is…the four-act structure is much easier to use because it breaks down the second act into two parts, and this makes the plot much easier to write.

Concept: A cowardly teenage tour guide leads her group in the wrong direction and they end up at an abandoned country club overrun by giant termites.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes!
Genre: Comedy (family)

Main Conflict: The termites are mutant, and they get bigger with anything they eat, and they’re intent on eating Tara and the members of her tour group.

TARA

Old Ways:

· Bumbling

· No sense of direction

· No self-confidence

· Scaredy cat

New Ways:

· New sense of direction

· Total self-confidence

· Fearless

· Brave

4-Act Transformation Structure

Act 1:

Opening:
A bottle of green solution
falls onto the floor, breaks into bits. The fluid flows towards termites
who are eating the base of a cabinet. Tara is driving with her Google Maps
on, giving her directions. Her cell goes dead and she’s stuck. She
makes a wrong turn and ends up going the wrong way on a one-way street.
She gets pulled over by a cop she knows and is given a ticket.

Inciting
Incident: Tara’s Mom and Dad need an
extra driver, so they rope her into being a tour guide for their home
garden tour, even though she has other plans and doesn’t want to do it.

Turning
Point: On the garden tour, Tara takes
a wrong turn, they go in the wrong direction, then her car runs out of
gas. It starts to storm and Clara points them in another direction, which
after a while leads them to nowhere.

Act 2:

New
plan: Tara says she remembers this
area as a kid and that there’s an old lane up ahead they should turn on,
and it’s a short-cut to an abandoned mansion she went to as a kid on
Halloween.


Plan
in action: They end up taking the wrong
turn and end up at an abandoned country club. The first entrance is
boarded up, so Tara suggests they try different entrance points. Each one
is locked…until she finds an unlocked door that leads to an old locker
room that leads to an office that looks like an old laboratory.

Midpoint
Turning Point: They hear horrible loud noises
outside the office laboratory…they open the door to an empty outdoor lap pool
where giant mutant termites see them and start to move towards their
hiding place.

Act 3:

Rethink
everything: Tara says the mutant termites
must have been concocted by the green solution on the workroom table. If
they try to hide, the Termo-Lytes will eat them! They’re trapped, so they
must fight back and kill the mutants.

New
plan: Tara notices that the
Termo-Lytes eat anything but they don’t eat avoid the palm fronds from the
palm trees. When a palm frond falls on a Termo-Lyte, it shrivels up and
melts. She says they should lure the Termo-Lytes near the pull until them
fall in and then throw balloons at them filled with rain water and cut up
palm fronds.

Turning
Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Jebbie,
a child, is captured by the biggest Termo-Lyte who puts him on a table for
their feast, as they prepare to eat them at a dinner!

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate
expression of the conflict:
Clara reveals she owns the abandoned country club and she created the green
fluid to find an eco-friendly way to get rid of the termites, but it made
them into giant mutants. The group gets busy making the water balloon
until Clara and several others are picked up by the Termo-Lytes and put on
the table for dinner.

Tara starts pelting the mutants and one by one, they
turn and chase her to the pool. One by one, they fall in, and then Tara
pelts them with more balloons, but it’s not enough to stop them. So she
climbs a tree above the pool and starts cutting off palm fronts and tree limbs
that fall into the pool. It kills all of the Termo-Lytes except for one,
that grows up into the top of the tree, where Tara shoves a giant palm
frond in its nose and kills it!


Resolution:
Clara reveals she owns the
abandoned country club and she created the green fluid to find an
eco-friendly way to get rid of the termites, but it made them into giant
mutants. The storm subsides and they finally get cell service and Tara
calls her Mom and Dad to come and pick them up.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Subtext Plot

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my many scripts produced into fabulous movies!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…adding subtext now will help me create an outline and plot that’s full of interesting stuff going on beneath the surface.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes!
Genre: Comedy (family)

Concept: A bumbling teenage tour guide leads her group in the wrong direction and they end up at an abandoned country club overrun by giant termites.

SUBTEXT PLOTS
Layering: Tara (protagonist), has no sense of direction without her cell phone. Throughout the story, she reveals small bits of her history and what happened to hear as a kid that caused her to lose her sense of direction and confidence.

Clara (supportive character) tries to get Tara to lead the group in another direction, away from the country club, and she makes snide remarks about Tara being “clueless,” with “no direction forward or backward.”

Clara will make remarks about her late husband making pour choices with money, and causing her lots of problems after he passed away. Clara also mentions how her old house is falling apart from bugs that eat the wood and she wishes there was a good product on the market that would get rid of them for good!

Someone Hides Who They Are:
Some people in the tour group are new to the area and they don’t know Tara’s infamous story about getting lost in the maze as a child. Tara tries to avoid the topic, but she inadvertently makes small comments about it, without even realizing it.

Clara doesn’t tell Tara or anyone in their tour group that she owns the abandoned country club because she doesn’t want them to know what’s really been going on there with the Termo-Lytes growing rapidly.

Competitive Agendas:
Clara tries to divert Tara and the tour group’s attention to make them go in another direction, away from the abandoned country club, but Tara believes they should go in the direction of the abandoned country club because she’s determined there’s a hidden short-cut to take them back into town.

How my Subtext Plot will play out inside this story:
Tara will make references to her “fiasco” as a kid, and others in the tour group who know her history about getting lost in the maze will make references to it too and tease her.

Clara will continually try to get the Tara to lead the tour group in the opposite direction of the country club, and when that doesn’t work and they end up at the abandoned area, she’ll still try to keep them out of the area where the giant Termo-Lytes are hatching and growing fast!

However, Tara will take them in the wrong direction again, even though Clara tries her best to divert their attention and get them to follow her to another area and leave the country club.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Transformational Journey

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have my many scripts produced into fabulous movies!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…My character’s transformational journey will make this a wonderful movie that I and the audience can really relate to.

TARA

Arc Beginning: Bumbling, directionless teenager
Arc Ending: Confident leader who destroys the giant termites and saves her tour group.

Internal Journey: From no sense of direction and lacking confidence to a fearless leader with total confidence in herself.
External Journey: From a bumbling, directionless teenager to a fearless fighter who kills the giant termites and saves her own life and the lives of her tour group.

Old Ways:

· Bumbling

· No sense of direction

· No self-confidence

· Scaredy cat

New Ways:

· New sense of direction

· Total self-confidence

· Fearless

· Brave

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Intentional Lead Characters

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have many of my scripts produced into successful movies.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…having a logline for the protagonist and antagonist helps me get a clearer picture of who they are and how they fit in the story. Also, picking out something unique makes the characters interesting and one-of-a kind!

Title: Escape from Buggy Club!

Concept: A bumbling teenage tour guide leads her group in the wrong direction and they end up at an abandoned country club overrun by giant termites.

Character:
Penny Schumacher (protagonist)

Logline:
Penny is teenager who must save
her group by defeating giant termites who are trying to eat them.

Unique:
She has no sense of direction
and relies on Google Maps on her cell phone to get anywhere, even school.
She’s also petrified of all bugs, especially termites.

Character:
Giant Termites (antagonist)

Logline:
Giant Termites are genetically
modified pests who want to eat everything in sight!

Unique:
Every time they eat anything,
they grow one foot taller!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

My Vision: I’m going to do all I can every day to be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and have many of my scripts produced into successful movies.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…outlining my script in advance will save me lots of drafts and time in the long run!

Title: Escape from the Buggy Club!

Concept: A bumbling teenage tour guide leads her group in the wrong direction and they end up at an abandoned country club overrun by giant termites.

Character Structure: Protagonist versus Antagonist

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

1. Name? Leona Heraty

2. How many scripts you’ve written? 2

3. What you hope to get out of the class? I want to elevate my writing and write a comedy script!

4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I love cheezy B sci-fi movies from the 1950s, like It Came from Outer Space and TV shows from the 1970s, like Rockford Files.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

+1

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Key Business Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment is…I can lower the budget on my script by having less locations, limited special effects and number of characters.

1. Give us the decisions that are in your current High Budget script:

Genre: Comedy/Family

Title: The Coward, the Ghoul & the Ghost

Concept: On a cruise, a scaredy cat accountant must work with
the ship’s ghost to prevent an evildoer from attacking guests at a Halloween
party if his demands are not met.

Audience: Male and female, under 25 and over 25.

Budget: $50 million

Lead
Characters: Betsy, the protagonist; The
Ghoul/Melvin, the antagonist; the Ghost/Captain Stoneleigh, the
protagonist (Betsy’s helper)
Journey/Character
Arc: Betsy starts out as an
unassertive, bumbling scaredy cat, who’s afraid of ghosts to an assertive,
confident young woman.
Opening/Ending: Betsy boards the ship and gets a tour of the control
room and accidentally turns the power on the ship and it moves! The final
scene, Betsy and her family and friends are having tiki drinks at the bar
where she now works, and the Ghost, Captain Stoneleigh, appears, gives
Captain Mary the bag of stolen watches, toasts them with a drink, then
crosses over to the Other Side.

2. Tell us which of those decisions you could improve to make your script more marketable.
I can keep the budget under $50 million and cut down on the number of locations.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Please see my previous post.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Specialty — Comedy

What I learned doing this assignment is…the best comedies not only make us laugh, but they cause us to care for the struggling hero, who is up against a difficult antagonist, and must do their best to overcome him.

My specialty: Comedy, subgenre: Family

Genre: Comedy

Title: Casper (1995)

How it delivered on the genre conventions: Casper delivered on all the comedy conventions, from start to finish. This is a funny, touching film, with a good blend of humor and depth. The underlying emotion of sadness, longing and grief were very real and I could relate to Kat wanting to fit in, in school, and Dr. Harvey’s grief.

Purpose: Laughter, joy, fun. The movie was funny from the opening scene until the end, and kept me laughing.

Demand for Action: A house is haunted and the new owner needs an exorcist to ride the house of ghosts.

Hero: Kat, the 12-year old girl, and Casper, the friendly ghost

Antagonists: Carrigan, who inherits the haunted house and Dibs, her henchman

High Stakes Come from Within: Kat and her Dad, Dr. Harvey, must overcome their fear of ghosts in the house and rid the hose of ghosts so Dr. Harvey can get paid by Carrigan. Also, Dr. Harvey needs to overcome his grief over the death of Kat’s Mom, and find joy again.

Emotionally Resonates: We feel sad for Kat, who is tired of moving around the country for her Dad’s job and she wants to stay in one place and have friends and a home. We also feel sad for Dr. Harvey, who mourns the death of Kat’s Mom, who died five years before.

When faced with real ghosts, Casper and his three ghostly uncles, Kat and Dr. Harvey, must face their fears and stand their ground and deal with the ghosts.

Real-Life Situations: The death of Kat’s Mom five years before brings grief as the underlying theme, and Dr. Harvey’s struggle to overcome his grief. Also, they are short on money, so although Dr. Harvey and Kat initially fear the ghosts, they have to stay and face them, so Dr. Harvey can rid the house of ghosts and get paid.

Outline

Opening Scene: A funny scene where Carrigan’s Dad’s will is read by a deadpan lawyer without any humor. Carrigan assumes her Dad will leave her his fortune, but instead, he leaves her a dilapidated haunted mansion.

Inciting Incident: Carrigan’s henchman, Dibs, sees a map in the house deed, and the map indicated buried treasure somewhere in the house.

Act 1: Carrigan and Dibs are driven out of the house by the Casper’s three ghostly uncles, so they hire a priest and then a ghostbuster to rid the house of ghosts, to no avail.

Turning Point, Act 1: Carrigan and Dibs see Dr. Harvey’s interview on TV, and Carrigan decides to hire Dr. Harvey to exorcise the house of ghosts. Dr. Harvey and Kat leave New Mexico and head towards Maine, to take the job.

Act 2: Dr. Harvey and Kat move into the haunted house in Maine and the three ghosts and Casper appear and scare them, but they must stay and figure out a way to get rid of the ghosts. Kat becomes friends with Casper and tries to make friends at school. Her teacher and classmates ask if they can have their class Halloween party at Kat’s haunted mansion.

Act 3: Carrigan and Dibs discover that the treasure is only a baseball mit and baseball. Carrigan dies and becomes a ghost and terrorizes Kat and Dr. Harvey. Casper asks Kat to help him start up his Dad’s old Lazarus resurrection machine, that brings the dead back to life.

Casper wants to come back to life, but he sacrifices his chance so Kat’s Mom can come back to life for a little while, and see Dr. Harvey and Kat. Kat’s Mom allows Casper to come back to life for a little while and he attends the Halloween party and kisses Kat.

The three ghostly uncles appear and the scare the kids, who run away, then they cross over. Casper goes back to his ghostly form and Dr. Harvey and Kat realize that love never dies, and Kat’s Mom’s Spirit and Casper are with them always.

Genre: Comedy

Title: The Goonies (1985)

How
it delivered on the genre conventions: The
movie was funny from the opening scene and full of action and adventure until
the final scene.

Purpose: Laughter, fun, adventure.

Demand for Action: The kids, aka,
the Goonies, go on adventure to find One-Eyed Willie’s lost treasure, to save
their house from foreclosure.

Hero: Mikey, and the Goonies.

Antagonists: The Fratelli Brothers
and Ma Fratelli

High Stakes Come from Within: Mikey
and his family will lose their home and the town of Astoria, OR will be ruined
by greedy developers.

Real-Life Situations: Mikey’s
parents are behind on their mortgage payments and will lose their house the
next day to the greedy developers, who also plan to turn the lovely town into a
resort.

Outline

Opening Scene: A prisoner, one of
the Fratelli brothers, breaks out of prison and is picked up by his nefarious
Mom and brother, and they speed away through the town, but the cops lose them.

Inciting Incident: In his attic, Mikey finds a treasure map that belongs to
the famous pirate, One-Eyed-Willie. Mikey and the Goonies go in search of the
treasure to get the money to save their house from foreclosure.

Act 1: Mikey and his brothers
receive a foreclosure notice from developers who are going to take back their
house the next day. They find an old treasure map in their attic, and they go
on an adventure to find the lost treasure, owned by the famous pirate, One-Eyed
Willie, and get the money to save their house.

Turning Point, Act 1: The kids go in search of the treasure, where they’re
captured by the Fratelli’s at an old abandoned restaurant on a sea cliff.

Act 2: The Goonies escape from the
Fratelli’s and follow the map to a tunnel under the restaurant and it leads to
an old wishing well. Then they find One-Eyed Willie and his pirate ship, and
the lost treasure, but the Fratelli’s are close on their trail.

Act 3: The Fratelli’s capture the
Goonies and make them walk the plank, but the outcast, Sloth Fratelli, who has
befriended Chunk, saves them and they’re able to escape to safety, but they
have to leave the treasure behind to save their lives. The police find the Goonies
on the beach, but Mike’s Dad has to sign over the deed to his house to the
greedy developers.

At the last minute, the maid finds Mike’s marbles, which have turned into
jewels. The jewels save the house and also keep the town from being ruined by
developers. The Fratelli’s are arrested, but Chunk explains to the police that
Sloth helped them, and he tells Sloth he can live with his family. The pirate
ship sails off into the sunset.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s LinkedIn Profile is Amazing!

Improvements on my LinkedIn Profile: I added the ProSeries and MSC-15 courses I completed, under the education section. I also added the Open for Word icon on my photo on my Profile page. I also added in the description area the two scripts I’ve completed, a comedy and a thriller. Finally, I added that I’m open to writing assignments with producers.

Over the next 30 days:
I will continue to send out Requests to Connect with Producers on LinkedIn and at least one a week post in the general posting area that I’m available for writing assignments from producers.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Credibility is Going Up!

What I learned doing this assignment is…I really need to build up my LinkedIn Profile, my IMDb Pro profile and my Twitter profile!

CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST
=====================

1. Your Writing Sample: Perilous Peak/Thriller
– ‘Recommend’ from Coverage–No
– Delivers on the genre in a strong way–Yes
– Delivers on the business decisions–Yes

2. Screenwriting Accomplishments
– Contest wins–No
– Smaller deals (options, sales, writing assignments)–No
– Larger deals–No
– Movies produced–No

3. The Google Factor
Google your name. How many items on the first page show you as a professional screenwriter? Two, my LinkedIn Profile and Twitter profile.

Buzz posts, interviews, news reports, etc..

4. Your Network
How many producers are in your network? 1,000
How many Connections do you have who are connected to producers? Approx. 950

5. Education specific to screenwriting
– Degree in film or screenwriting
– Master Screenwriter Certificate program at ScreenwritingU—I will
complete MSC-15 in Jan 2022. I have completed ProSeries-73.

6. Borrowed Credibility
– Represented by an agent or manager–No
– Working with a producer–No
– Connected to a star–No
– Connected to a funding source–No

7. IMDB CREDITS
Go to [url=”http://imdb.com/“]http://IMDB.com[/url] and search your name. What credits show up there for you?

My name and photos show up on IMDb, but without credits. However, I subscribe to IMDb Pro, and my name and photo show up with one credit: Under Filmography, I received a Thanks for sponsoring a short film, The Curious Case of the Murder That Wasn’t (2020).

8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:
– Novels published–No
– Producer or director experience–No
– Experience working with agencies, production companies, film festivals,
etc.— I am in a Toastmasters group, Success Masters, for
ScreenwritingU Alumni. Hal Croasmun is the president.

My Plan Over the Next 30 Days to
Increase My Credibility

1. Build up my LinkedIn profile. Highlight
my two completed scripts and classes I’ve taken with ScreenwritingU. State that
I’m available for screenwriting assignments. Add my membership in a
Toastmasters group, Success Masters, which is for ScreenwritingU Alumni and Hal
Croasmun is the president. Also, commit to sending out 20 requests a day to
connect with film producers in L.A.

2. Build up my IMDb Pro profile. My
profile needs a lot of work, so I will spend time building it up as much as
possible, focusing on my ScreenwritingU classes, my connections with film producers
on LinkedIn and my membership in a Toastmasters group, Success Masters, for ScreenwritingU
alumni, where Hal Croasmun is the president. Also, add the titles of my two
completed scripts.

3. Build up my Twitter profile. Add
more information about my Screenwriting career. Add my education with
ScreenwritingU. Add my connections in the film industry on LinkedIn. Add my
link to IMDb Pro. Also, add the titles of my two completed scripts.

4. Get Coverage on my thriller script,
Perilous Peak. Continue to elevate my script until I receive a Recommend,
then add the Recommend to my Linkedin profile, my IMDb Pro file, and my Twitter
profile.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Everyone. My name is Leona Heraty. I written two feature scripts, a comedy and a thriller.

My goals for this class are to learn the steps to get paid writing assignments and build my network and credibility in the film industry.

Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I love sci-fi movies from the 1950s! Some of my favorites are Creature from the Black Lagoon, It Came from Outer Space, The Thing (from Another World), Them! and many more!

I wish everyone all the best! We can and we will do great things in the film industry!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Projects and Insights

1. Hi! My name is Leona Heraty.

2. I’ve taken several classes with ScreenwritingU. I’m currently enrolled in the MSC-15 class and I’m a member of Hal’s Success Masters Toastmasters group, which is wonderful. I’ve written two scripts, a comedy with spooky elements and I thriller that also with spooky elements. I haven’t sold my two scripts yet, but through the Pro Series and the MCS-15 course, I’ve built a network of more than 1,000 producers on LinkedIn. Yeay!

3a. I would like to create another thriller, about a woman who lives alone and is terrorized by a bank robber who is hiding out in her neighborhood as the police helicopters fly overhead. The budget is $1 to $5 million.

3b. My finished script is a thriller, Perilous Peak. The budget range is
$1 to $5 million.

4. What I learned from the opening teleconference: I learned the main differences between writing a spec script and getting a writing assignment. I also learned that my goal with a paid writing assignment is to facilitate the producer’s creative process or vision! This makes me very valuable to the producer and builds my credibility for future writing assignments. I also learned the five main steps in the writing assignment process.

[Leona Heraty]

My name is Leona Heraty.

2. “I agree to the terms of this release form.”

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

If you agree to the terms of the release form, then you can post your assignments into the group and your cohort can give feedback on them.

Also, if you don’t agree to this group confidentiality agreement, you’ll still need to sign an agreement that says you will keep the strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Thriller Map Version 2

Title: TERROR ON THE TOTEM TRAIL

Villain’s Plan: Tuvelle has been stalking McKenzie and then she hires her neighbor, Todd, to stalk McKenzie too, wearing a creepy mask and cape while they’re hiking to Perilous Peak. Tuvelle wants to gain McKenzie’s trust, then push her off of Perilous Peak to her death.

Hero: McKenzie

Red Herring #1: Todd, dressed as the Figure With a Creepy Mask

Red Herring #2: The bird watcher guy

Logline: While searching for the Lost Totem Trail on her way to Perilous Peak, a woman encounters a hysterical young woman who says she’s being stalked by a man wearing a creepy mask, but the young woman may not be all she appears. T 1

EXT– DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO STREET – NEW YEAR’S EVE – NOON
A Creepy Masked Figure follows McKenzie as she drives to work, but she is too wrapped up in the music to notice.

EXT — DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO PARKING LOT
The Figure With a Creepy Mask lurks behind McKenzie. She hears footsteps behind her, looks back, and the masked figure darts into an alley. McKenzie looks behind her but nobody is there.

EXT./SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW
The Figure With the Creepy Mask lurks by the office, and then flits by a

INT. SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW – MCKENZIE’S OFFICE
McKenzie reads a flyer about hiking to Perilous Peak with a hiking group that afternoon.
McKenzie’s Uncle John and Aunt mention McKenzie’s “hiking fiasco 10 years ago.” McKenzie says she’ll see them tonight at their New Year’s Eve party.

EXT./SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW
McKenzie hurries down the side walk, shivers and turns to look behind her, but nobody is there.

EXT–DOWNSAN DIEGO PARKING LOT
McKenzie has a flat tire and fixes it and drives on. The Creepy Masked Figure follows McKenzie’s car, but McKenzie still doesn’t notice she’s being followed.

INT. SAN DIEGO – MCKENZIE’S CAR
McKenzie drives in circles and calls her sister, Betty, for directions to her house. Betty, shows up and she follows her back to their Mom’s house.

EXT/INT – SAN DIEGO – MCKENZIE’S MOM’S HOUSE
McKenzie shows her Mom a hiking magazine with the cover is a photo of Yosemite and a lady park ranger. McKenzie’s Mom wads up the hiking flyer, and throws it in the trash. McKenzie grabs the flyer out of the trash and says she’s going anyway, since her Mom just threw down the gauntlet. (Inciting Incident)

The Figure With the Creepy Mask flits leaves large cardboard cut-out of the Grim Reaper at their door and McKenzie kicks it!

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK/VISITOR CENTER
An Uber driver pulls up with McKenzie in the car. The Figure With the Creepy Masks gets out of their car and hides. Ranger Bob tells McKenzie the hiking group has already left and he gives her a new map with an alternate route to Perilous Peak. A large mural is labeled THE LEGEND OF THE LOST TOTEM TRAIL.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS
McKenzie follows the map, but takes a wrong turn, and gets lost. She calls Ranger Bob for directions but can’t get cell service and it starts to thunder and the sky darkens.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS
McKenzie is scared by a creepy bird watcher guy who tries to flirt with her, then he leaves.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS
McKenzie hears a young woman’s SCREAMS and she runs towards the sounds.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS
McKenzie trips over a backpack that has blood on it and she pulls out a bloody scarf and SCREAMS.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS – RIDGE
The Creepy Masked Figure appears above on a ridge and YELLS and waves a knife at McKenzie and we hear more SCREAMS from the young woman.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS – LARGE ROCK OUTCROPPING WITH HIDDEN RECESS
McKenzie follows the SCREAMS and finds a young woman, TUVELLE, who says she’s being stalked by a guy wearing a creepy mask and brandishing a knife. Tuvelle tells McKenzie she’s twisted her ankle and ask her to contact help for her and McKenzie agrees. (Turning Point at End of Act 1)

ACT 2

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS – RIDGE
McKenzie sees the Figure With the Creepy Mask running down a ridge, waving a knife at her and she runs away down another twisted trail.

EXT/INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE ENTRANCE
McKenzie rides out the storm in the cave and tries to call the cell number and talks to Tuvelle briefly until Tuvelle screams, asks for help then the line goes dead. A large tree falls in front of the cave entrance, blocking her way out.

INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE
McKenzie discovers a strange group called the Off-the-Grid Club. The leader points McKenzie to a cave with green and blue fluorescent ancient symbols painted on the walls glowing blue and green tiki torches and says to follow it to the exit.

INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK
McKenzie exits the cave, trips, rolls down a ravine to the bottom and then over a ledge and is rescued by the bird watcher man. He agree to go to the Visitor Center for help for Tuvelle. McKenzie will try to get to Perilous Peak.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS ON BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK—CLEARING SURROUNDED BY A GROVE OF TREES
McKenzie sees a sign for an old abandoned gold mine. The Creepy Masked Figure spots her and shakes the knife at her and starts to run her way.

INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK–ABANDONED GOLD MINE
McKenzie runs into the gold mine as the Creepy Masked Figure runs past outside the mine, brandishing a knife. McKenzie encounters ghostly miners and follows one of them on a mine cart to the exit, as she’s chased by the Creepy Masked Figure.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK–ABANDONED GOLD MINE EXIT – CONTINUOUS
McKenzie spots a trail sign towards the backside of PERILOUS PEAK and she follows it.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/HALLOWED OUT LOG BENCH – CONTINUOUS
McKenzie hears SOBBING and sees Tuvelle sitting on a log and she says she was chased by the Masked Figure with a knife, and she sprained her ankle. Tuvelle SCREAMS and points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider on the log. Tuvelle has been bitten by the spider! (Midpoint Turning Point)

ACT 3

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/HALLOWED OUT LOG BENCH
McKenzie ties a bandana around Tuvelle’s spider bite then sees a sign that says ALTERNATE ROUTE TO PERILOUS PEAK. She sees glowing blue and green totems that line the trail of tall pine trees. Tuvelle leans on McKenzie as they slowly make their way.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/ALTERNATE ROUTE TO PERILUS PEAK/GREEN AND BLUE TOTEM MARKERS ON TRAILS
At the trail head, are blocked by a rockslide. They backtrack down the trail, and McKenzie spots an elevated ridge.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE PERILOUS PEAK/ALTERNATE ROUTE TO PERILOUS PEAK/RIDGE/ROCKY CLEARING
McKenzie sees a trail that leads to a grassy clearing down below in the distance and glowing blue and green totems that line the steep mountain trail.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING
They find a large metal circular hatch stamped with PROPERTY OF U.S. DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE/WAR MUNITIONS STOARGE, 1942.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/HATCH IN GROUND
McKenzie and Tuvelle heave up the heavy metal opening.

EXT./INT./ CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/UNDERGROUND STAIRS
Tuvelle and McKenzie slowly head down the stairs which end at

INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/UNDERGROUND MUNITIONS TUNNEL
In a tunnel with blue and green wall sconces they hear VOICES MURMURING AND LAUGHING below them.

INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/UNDERGROUND MUNITIONS TUNNEL/MUNITIONS STORAGE ROOM
The storage room ha blue and green lights and WWII labeled munitions and Army supplies. McKenzie steps on a trap door and falls down a long chute.

INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/UNDERGROUND CAVERN/WAR ROOM
McKenzie lands in the room with Tuvelle behind her. GHOSTLY MEN AND WOMEN in WWII uniforms plan strategies around a large table map of the South Pacific. They point McKenzie and Tuvelle to a hidden exit door.

INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/UNDERGROUND CAVERN/EXIT STAIRS
They follow the stairs up to trap door and push it upward, then step outside to

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK
Tuvelle runs over the bridge. McKenzie falls through a hole in the bridge and plunges into the stream below and hits her forehead on a rock. (Turning Point: Huge failure/Major shift)

ACT 4

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE
The Creepy Masked Figure pulls McKenzie out of the water. His name is Todd and
Tuvelle hired him to scare them on the trail. A knife falls out of his cloak and McKenzie runs away.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE/BACK
SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/EDGE OF GRASSY CLEARING/BRIDGE OVER STREAM
McKenzie sees a sign that says TO FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER.

THE FIRE LOST LOOKOUT TOWER TRAIL
McKenzie runs up the twisty trail then down to a hidden valley below.

HIDDEN VALLEY/LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER/OUTSIDE LADDER
McKenzie picks her way across the rocky valley to an old fire lookout tower, climbs a tall tower and enters the tower.

INT. LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER
McKenzie sees a GHOSTLY PARK RANGER who points through the huge panoramic window to the LOST TOTEM TRAIL that glows with blue and green totems, lighting the way up to Perilous Peak.

EXT. EMBANKMENT NEAR BRIDGE AND STREAM
Tuvelle grabs the knife and kicks him in the side, grabs his binoculars and LAUGHS and scrambles up the embankment as Todd gets up and runs after her.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE/BACK
SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/EDGE OF GRASSY CLEARING/BRIDGE OVER STREAM
Tuvelle sees a sign that says TO LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER. She spots the hidden valley and fire lookout tower. She sees McKenzie in the lost lookout tower, though the tower’s giant window.

EXT. MONTAGE
Tuvelle sprints away, with Todd running after her, trying to keep up. Tuvelle takes the trail with the sign that says TO LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER with Todd chasing her.

EXT. HIDDEN VALLEY WITH LOST LOOKOUT TOWER
Tuvelle and Todd climb the ladder to the tower, but when they get inside, there’s no ghost. Tuvelle spots McKenzie in the distance below, resting on a giant rock

GIANT ROCK 300 FEET BEYOND THE TOWER AND HIDDEN VALLEY
McKenzie sees glowing blue and green totem trail up ahead, the Lost Totem Trail and heads that trips on a rock and falls, twists her ankle, then sits on a boulder to bandage it.

EXT. HIDDEN VALLEY WITH LOST LOOKOUT TOWER
Tuvelle scurries down the tower’s ladder with Todd close behind her and they rush to

GIANT ROCK 300 FEET BEYOND THE TOWER AND HIDDEN VALLEY
They confront McKenzie as she sits on the rock, rubbing her painful bandaged ankle. Tuvelle pulls out pepper spray and threatens to spray Todd if he doesn’t leave them alone.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK LOST TOTEM TRAIL – CONTINUOUS
McKenzie leans on Tuvelle as the two struggle up the trail, the glowing green and blue totems lighting the way. Tuvelle hoists herself over the side to

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK/PERILOUS PEAK
Tuvelle helps McKenzie up to the peak. She tries to dial nine-one-one, but can’t get cell coverage. Todd hoists himself up and onto the peak.

(Climax/Ultimate Expression of the conflict)

Tuvelle rushes at Todd with the knife and spills her backpack and plastic Black Widow spiders and press on spider bite tattoos fall out, then a can of pepper spray rolls out and Tuvelle picks it up and looks evil. Tuvelle admits that she did hire Todd to scare them and she’s been following McKenzie and sabotaging her since Nov 1, since McKenzie stole her “new prospect” at the Halloween party and made her break her winning streak with men and her grandparents called her a “magnificent loser.”

Tuvelle stabs him in the leg and he and tumbles off the cliff. Tuvelle walks towards McKenzie with the knife. We hear the TUM TUM TUM of drums. Several glowing giant blue and green totems appear over the edge of ridge and float above Tuvelle. Tuvelle SCREAMS, stumbles backward, trips on a boulder and falls off the cliff to her death.The ghostly totems swirl away across the summit and then disappear.

(Resolution)

McKenzie pulls Todd up off the cliff with a tarp and they crawl off peak. We hear the TUM TUM TUM of drums.

EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK/LOST TOTEM TRAIL
Blue and green ghostly totems float before them and line each side of the trail that leads them down toward the visitor center. Around the bend, in the distance, they see the Visitor Center. They continue to follow the totems down the trail, the Visitor Center within fifty feet, and then the totems swirl around them, then disappear. The sun sets and Todd kisses McKenzie and she invites him to a New Year’s Eve party.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned is…the Thriller Map is challenging to write and takes a lot of time and effort, but the results are worth it because the map helped me make sense of my plot and the sequence of events.

Title: TERROR ON THE TOTEM TRAIL

Villain’s Plan: Tuvelle has been stalking McKenzie and then she hires her neighbor, Todd, to stalk McKenzie too, wearing a creepy mask and cape while they’re hiking to Perilous Peak. Tuvelle wants to gain McKenzie’s trust, then push her off of Perilous Peak to her death.

Hero: McKenzie

Red Herring #1: Todd, dressed as the Figure With a Creepy Mask

Red Herring #2: The bird watcher guy

Logline: While searching for the Lost Totem Trail on her way to Perilous Peak, a woman encounters a hysterical young woman who says she’s being stalked by a man wearing a creepy mask, but the young woman may not be all she appears.

ACT 1

1. EXT– DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO STREET – NEW YEAR’S EVE – NOON

A Figure Wearing a Creepy Mask follows McKenzie as she drives to work, but she is too wrapped up in the music to notice. The license plate says Note: Add clue for license plate name.

2. EXT — DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO PARKING LOT

McKenzie exits her car, carries her purse and hurries down the sidewalk and looks at the date and time on her cell phone, 12 pm, Dec 31. She frowns, SIGHS and picks up her pace.

The Figure With a Creepy Mask lurks behind McKenzie. She hears footsteps behind her, looks back, and the masked figure darts into an alley.

McKenzie frowns, shakes her head and shivers. She looks at her phone’s time again: 12:01 pm. She quickens her pace, looks behind her again…nobody is there.

3. EXT/INT — SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW

McKenzie enters the office, waves good morning to the receptionist, and heads to her office.

4. EXT./SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW

The Figure With the Creepy Mask lurks by the office, and then flits by and turns a corner.

5. INT. SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW – MCKENZIE’S OFFICE

McKenzie pulls a flyer off her bulletin board. The flyer says START YOUR NEW YEAR’S FITNESS GOALS EARLY. JOIN THE SAN DIEGO HIKER’S CLUB FOR A NEW YEAR’S EVE DAY HIKE UP TO PORCUPINE PEAK AT CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK! MEET UP AT 2 PM.

McKenzie’s employers, her Uncle John and Aunt June, allude to the “fiasco 10 years ago”…she still gets lost driving to her Mom’s house. They warn her if she doesn’t get to the hike on time and misses the hiking group, and gets lost on the trail and falls in a hole and has to cut her leg off to get out?

Their son and McKenzie’s cousin, Brent, pops his head in too. A lightbulb goes out on the ceiling and McKenzie grabs a sturdy chair, and she and Brent play a tug-of-war with the chair, but McKenzie gets on the chair and has vertigo and has to sit back down.

McKenzie tells them she can’t help them set up for their New Year’s Eve party but she will be at the party before Midnight…she needs to meet her hiking goal. McKenzie dresses for hiking and leaves.

6. EXT./SAN DIEGO – BOARDMAN & BOARDMAN, ESTATE PLANNING LAW
McKenzie, carrying her purse and cell phone, hurries down the side walk, a slight wind blows her hair. She shivers and turns to look behind her, but nobody is there.

7. EXT–DOWNSAN DIEGO PARKING LOT
McKenzie unlocks her car…but hesitates, shivers and looks in the back seat, but nobody is there. She starts to drive out of the parking lot and has a flat tire. She uses Fix-A-Flat to fix the tire then pulls out of the parking lot.

The Figure With the Creepy Mask follows McKenzie’s car, but McKenzie still doesn’t notice she’s being followed.

8. INT. SAN DIEGO – MCKENZIE’S CAR
McKenzie calls her Mom on her cell phone and talks on the speak phone about the New Year’s Eve party they’re attending that night. She says she’s on her way over there to drop off some champagne for tonight’s party.

McKenzie drives in circles and calls her sister, Betty, for directions to her house. Betty, McKenzie’s sister, tells her to pull over and wait, and she’ll be there.

McKenzie parks in front of her Uncle Walter’s house. He comes out and says hello and says he’ll see her at the party tonight.

Betty drives by, honks and waves and McKenzie follows Betty and the masked figure follows them at a distance. The Figure With the Creepy Mask drives by McKenzie and shakes their fist at her, but she’s looking down for a second and doesn’t notice.

9. EXT/INT – SAN DIEGO – MCKENZIE’S MOM’S HOUSE
McKenzie goes inside texts for an Uber driver to pick her up. She and her Mom and sister argue about McKenzie’s law career. McKenzie says she’s bored and wants a more adventurous job.

McKenzie shows her Mom a hiking magazine with the cover is a photo of Yosemite and a lady park ranger. She points to it and says this is her goal.

McKenzie’s Mom and Betty laugh and say she has no sense of direction and no glowing blue and green totem is going to show up and lead her up to Perilous Peak or back down if she gets lost on the trails again.

10. INT. SAN DIEGO – MCKENZIE’S MOM’S HOUSE

McKenzie pulls out the flyer from her purse and shows it to her Mom and says she’s heading to Cuyamaca Rancho State Park for the meet-up hike.

McKenzie’s Mom snatches the flyer out of McKenzie’s hand, wads it up and toss it across the room, where it lands in a trash can and says it’s for your own good. McKenzie grabs the flyer out of the trash and says she’s going anyway, since her Mom just threw down the gauntlet. (Inciting Incident)

The Figure With the Creepy Mask flits away from McKenzie’s Mom’s door, and hides by the side of a neighbor’s house. There’s a large cardboard cut-out of the Grim Reaper at their door.

McKenzie opens the door and SCREAMS when she’s sees the Grim Reaper, then kicks it and says nothing will keep her from Perilous Peak. It must be a joker doing this!

11. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK/VISITOR CENTER

An Uber driver pulls up with McKenzie in the car. The car with the figure wearing a creepy mask pulls up nearby and parks. McKenzie gets out of the car and Figure With hides behind some trees, watching her.

McKenzie shows the flyer the Ranger Bob. He says the hiking group has already left on the hike. The Park Ranger gives McKenzie a map of the trails but warns her they’re dangerous and she doesn’t want “another mishap,” and says she shouldn’t attempt the hike alone, and the map shows an alternate route to Perilous Peak.

McKenzie stares at a huge wall mural of the various mountain trails that lead to Porcupine Peak. On the wall is a large mural of hiking trails with a trail highlighted with glowing blue and green totems.

A placard by the mural says THE LEGEND OF THE LOST TOTEM TRAIL. The park ranger makes reference to what happened10 years ago, but she laughs and says she’s determined to break the bad luck spell.

12. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS

McKenzie follows the map, but takes a wrong turn, and ends up lost. She tries to call the Ranger for directions but can’t get cell service. She starts to head back down the mountain trails. It starts to thunder and the sky darkens.

13. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS

McKenzie heads toward a rock outcropping. A man jumps down from a tree in front of her and scares the hell out of her! He’s a bird watcher, and he lost his footing. He asks her why she’s hiking alone and tells her it’s not a good idea. She asks him why he’s hiking alone. He says it’s ok, he’s a guy.

The bird watcher asks her if she wants to hike back to the visitor center with him, since it might rain and she declines. She asks if he’s seen the large hiking group heading to Porcupine Peak. He says yes, about an hour ago, and they were hiking fast, and says she won’t catch up to them in time to reach the peak. He leaves.

14. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS
McKenzie hears a young woman’s SCREAMS and hesitates. She runs towards the sounds.

15. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS
McKenzie searches everywhere for the screaming woman. She gets even more lost in on the winding trails, following the trail markers, but taking wrong turns.

She trips over a hiker’s Tiffany blue backpack with diamonds on it and rolls down a trail, scraping her leg. She gets up and runs up the hill and picks up the backpack. It has blood on it and she pulls out a bloody scarf and SCREAMS. Lightning flashes and thunder rumbles.

16. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS – RIDGE
The Figure With the Creepy Mask appears above on a ridge and YELLS. He brandishes a knife and points it at McKenzie. We hears more SCREAMS from the young woman. McKenzie hesitates on what to do next.

17. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS – LARGE ROCK OUTCROPPING WITH HIDDEN RECESS

McKenzie follows the SCREAMS and finds a young woman, TUVELLE, hunkering in a rock-covered recess. It starts to lightning, thunder and rain.

McKenzie gives Tuvelle her backpack and Tuvelle says she’s being stalked by a guy wearing a creepy mask and brandishing a knife. She tells McKenzie she thinks she’s twisted her ankle. McKenzie agrees to help her get back to the Visitor Center.

They wait out the storm under the rock, and swap stories about their backgrounds and goals. Tuvelle tells McKenzie the trails may be washed out below and to head to Perilous Peak for cell coverage if they are. T

Tuvelle can’t walk on her ankle so she decides to wait there for McKenzie to either get to the Visitor Center for help or to Perilous Peak and call for help and McKenzie leaves.

(Turning Point at End of Act 1)

ACT 2

18. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS – RIDGE

McKenzie sees the Figure With the Creepy Mask running down a ridge, waving a knife at her and she runs away down another twisted trail.

19. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE ENTRANCE
McKenzie enters a cave to hide.

20. EXT/INT – CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE
The masked ghoul runs by the cave. McKenzie hears THUNDER, LIGHTNING and RAIN.

McKenzie rides out the storm in the cave and tries to call the cell number. She talks to Tuvelle briefly and Tuvelle screams and asks for help then the line goes dead.

A large tree falls in front of the cave entrance, blocking her way out.

21. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE
McKenzie makes her way through the cave tunnels that are lit with torches. She heas CHANTING and SINGING.

McKenzie discovers strange men and women, dressed in long robes, and wearing pendants, and dancing around a fire pit, signing songs. The group is led by an old woman who says they are the Off-the-Grid Club, here for their monthly meeting.

They do a dance and ask her to join with them to live off the grid, at least one day a year, and take the road less traveled. McKenzie agrees and takes the pledge.

McKenzie asks if there’s a back entrance to the cave. The old woman says yes, and it leads to the rarely used back side of trails up to Perilous Peak. She points McKenzie to a cave with green and blue fluorescent ancient symbols painted on the walls glowing blue and green tiki torches and says to follow it to the exit.

22. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK

McKenzie exits the cave. It’s stopped raining. She sees a trail up ahead and runs towards it and trips on some tree roots. She rolls down a ravine to the bottom and then over a ledge. McKenzie SCREAMS as she hangs on for dear life to a shrub bush.

The bird watcher man appears, and pulls her back up and she explains her story about the screams and the backpack and that Tuvelle may be hurt and about the Masked Figure. They try to call for help but can’t get phone coverage.

The bird watcher says many trails are washed out and it’s too dangerous to hike to Perilous Peak. He encourages her to go with him back to the visitor center to get help for Tuvelle, but many of the back trails down to the Visitor Center are washed out too.

McKenzie declines and gives him Tuvelle’s cell number and asks him to let Ranger Bob know about Tuvelle and to send help. She will continue to try to find the trail up to Perilous Peak when she can get cell coverage.

The bird watcher warns her that she needs to return to the visitor center before night fall as it gets treacherous after dark and the storm could get worse. McKenzie promises to get back before nightfall. Todd leaves and promises to relay the message to Ranger Bob.

23. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS ON BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK— CLEARING SURROUNDED BY A GROVE OF TREES

McKenzie tries to climb a tree and gets dizzy, then rests, then overcomes her vertigo and climbs the low-hanging tree, pulls out her binoculars and is startled. She sees a sign for an old abandoned gold mine.

The branch breaks off and she falls and rolls down an incline but crawls back up to the ledge. She climbs up another tree branch and looks again with her binoculars. She spots the sign for the gold mine.

The Masked Figure comes into her view on a nearby ridge and makes a MOANING sound. McKenzie SCREAMS. He spots her and shakes the knife at her and starts to run her way. McKenzie rush away from the clearing and towards the abandoned gold mine.

24. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK–ABANDONED GOLD MINE

It starts to LIGHTNING and THUNDER and RAIN again! She runs into the gold mine. The Masked Ghoul runs past outside the mine, brandishing a knife.

We hear feet run past the mine entrance and then come back. The Masked Figure rushes into the mine and waves the knife and moans.

McKenzie rush deeper into the mine and the guy with the creepy mask chases them. It starts to THUNDER and LIGHTNING again. The WIND whips up and the old mine SHUDDERS.

An old wooden support beam CRACKS and falls across the path behind her. The mine behind her caves in. She keeps running using their flashlights to try to find an exit.

McKenzie come across some old mine carts with hand levers on a rail track. She jumps in and begins using the levers to get away.

The Masked Figure crawls out from the rubble by the old support beam and crawls over it and catches up to McKenzie. He jumps in an old mine cart and uses the levers to roll behind her.

The old mine carts dip and goes up and down, around the bend like a runaway mine train. They come to an exit covered with cobwebs. McKenzie blasts through the old door as it shatters in splinters

25. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/CAVE/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK–ABANDONED GOLD MINE EXIT – CONTINUOUS

The old mine cart hurtles to a stop at the end of the rail line. McKenzie is hurled several feet out of the cart in a heap on the rails, as her old mine card whizzes out on the rails and abruptly ends, throwing them a few feet out of the cart. McKenzie lands in heap at a group of old pine trees.

McKenzie spots a trail sign towards PERILOUS PEAK and she follows the trail, out of breath to

26. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/HALLOWED OUT LOG BENCH – CONTINUOUS

McKenzie hears SOBBINS and sees Tuvelle, who sits on a log. She said was chased by a man with mask and knife, and hobbled her with her sprained ankle.

McKenzie says the same figure has been chasing her, he must be able to be two places at once.

Tuvelle SCREAMS and points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider on the log. Tuvelle has been bitten by the spider!

(Midpoint Turning Point)

ACT 3

27. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/HALLOWED OUT LOG BENCH – CONTINUOUS

McKenzie takes a bandana out of her backpack and ties it around Tuvelle’s spider bite on her wound to slow down the spread of the venom.

McKenzie uses her binoculars and spots some large wooden arrows on trees that say ALTERNATE ROUTE TO PERILOUS PEAK. LIGHTNING. THUNDER. CRACK!

McKenzie uses her binoculars to search for markers or signs for Porcupine Peak. She spots fluorescent painted blue and green totems that line the trail of tall pine trees. Tuvelle limps and leans on McKenzie as they slowly make their way.

28. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/ALTERNATE ROUTE TO PERILUS PEAK/GREEN AND BLUE TOTEM MARKERS ON TRAILS

McKenzie and Tuvelle get to the trail head and can see the glowing in the far distance, further up the mountain trail. They hear RUMBLING and a RUSH of rocks. It’s a ROCK SLIDE.

Large and small boulders tumble down the trail, and they dive into some bushes just in time, as the boulders and rocks rush past them. They’re forced to backtrack. They inch their way back down the trail, and McKenzie spots an elevated ridge.

29. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/ALTERNATE ROUTE TO PERILOUS PEAK/RIDGE/ROCKY CLEARING

McKenzie tries to climb up to the ridge and gets vertigo and has to stop and deep breath and regain her composure. She keeps climbing up the ridge to a clearing and then uses her binoculars to survey the horizon.

She spots a trail that leads to a grassy clearing down below in the distance and beyond the grassy clearing again spots the glowing blue and green totems that line the steep mountain trail.

30. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING

Tuvelle leans on McKenzie and they slowly make their way down a trail that lead to the grassy clearing and they slowly make their way across the field. They look behind them. The coast is clear, no sign of the Figure With the Creepy Mask.

It starts to THUNDER and RAIN. McKenzie trips on something sticking out of the ground. They find a large metal circular hatch with a big rusty handle.

The hatch is stamped with PROPERTY OF U.S. DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE/WAR MUNITIONS STOARGE, 1942.

31. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/HATCH IN GROUND

The hatch is unlocked. McKenzie and Tuvelle heave up the heavy metal opening. They grab flashlights out of their backpacks and shine them down on creaky cobwebbed stairs.

32. EXT./INT./ CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/UNDERGROUND STAIRS

Tuvelle and McKenzie slowly head down the stairs which end at

33. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/UNDERGROUND MUNITIONS TUNNEL

They come to a tunnel that with blue and green wall sconces that cast a mysterious blue/green glow on the tunnel.

McKenzie and Tuvelle make their way slowly through the tunnel and hear VOICES MURMURING AND LAUGHING somewhere below them. They come to

34. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/GRASSY CLEARING/UNDERGROUND MUNITIONS TUNNEL/MUNITIONS STORAGE ROOM

They enter the storage room which is also lit with blue and green earie lights. The room has various WWII labeled munitions and Army supplies. They walk across the room, looking for an exit and McKenzie steps on a trap door and falls down a long chute to

35. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/UNDERGROUND CAVERN/WAR ROOM

McKenzie lands with a thud in the room then Tuvelle comes down the chute out of her way, CRYING IN PAIN, holding her ankle.

The room is lit with green and blue lights. A colorful mural on the wall depicts a vista of Porcupine Peak with the blue and green totems on the backside of it. GHOSTLY MEN AND WOMEN dressed in WWII military uniforms plan strategies around a large table map of the South Pacific.

McKenzie gathers her courage and asks them for the exit. The ghostly figures turn in unison and point to a hidden door in the wall that’s marked with a painting of glowing blue totem. McKenzie presses the blue totem on the wall and a secret door swings open and they go through it and come to rickety old stairs.

36. INT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK/UNDERGROUND CAVERN/EXIT STAIRS

They follow the stairs up to trap door and push it upward, then step outside to

37. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE/BACK SIDE OF PORCUPINE PEAK

McKenzie and Tuvelle arrive at a swaying rickety bridge over a rushing creek. Tuvelle runs over it, but McKenzie is afraid and hesitates. McKenzie doesn’t notice that Tuvelle has no problem with her ankle.

McKenzie picks her way across the bridge and falls through it. She plunges into the stream below and hits her forehead on a rock.

(Turning Point: Huge failure/Major shift)

ACT 4

38. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS

We hear YELLS around the corner and The Figure With the Creepy Mask rushes towards the bridge then bridge, slips and almost falling in but makes it across. He sees McKenzie in the creek and dives in the water and pulls her out of the water, her head bleeding.

Dazed, McKenzie grabs at the figure’s face and pulls off his mask. The Figure says he’s named Todd and is Tuvelle’s neighbor. She hired him to scare them on the trail. He says this has gone far enough and he asks Tuvelle for his $1,000 she promised to pay him.

Tuvelle says Todd is lying and is crazy and not trust him. McKenzie steps away from him, unsure who to trust. He tries to tie a bandana on MKenzie’s bleeding forehead but she resists him.

Todd drops the bandana and a knife falls out of his cloak. Tuvelle tells McKenzie to trust her, not Todd. Todd and Tuvelle both scramble for the knife and roll around on the ground.

McKenzie grabs the bandana from the ground, and not knowing who to trust, ties the the bandana around her head to stop the bleeding and runs away.

Tuvelle grabs Todd’s arm and they fight for the knife. Tuvelle trips on rock, tripping Todd and they both roll down to

39. EXT. STEEP EMBANKMENT NEAR BRIDGE/STREAM

like two cats in a cat fight, SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER.

40. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE/BACK
SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/EDGE OF GRASSY CLEARING/BRIDGE OVER STREAM

McKenzie, wild-eyed and afraid, sees her chance and runs away, and turns right at an old weathered sign that says TO FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER.

41. THE FIRE LOST LOOKOUT TOWER TRAIL
McKenzie runs up the twisty trail.

She goes around a corner and the trail abruptly turns downward and she sees a small valley and across the valley is an old fire lookout tower.

McKenzie runs down the steep trail to

42. HIDDEN VALLEY/LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER/OUTSIDE LADDER

McKenzie picks her way across the rocky valley to an old fire lookout tower. A tall ladder built into the side of the tower leads upwards.

McKenzie tries to climb the ladder, gets vertigo, but overcomes it and keeps going up the 500 foot tall ladder, not looking down. She struggles to open an old, heavy rusty door and rushes into

43. INT. LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER

McKenzie freezes, too afraid to move and stares at a GHOSTLY PARK RANGER who turns and smiles at her, then points through the huge panoramic window to the LOST TOTEM TRAIL that glows with blue and green totems, lighting the way up to Perilous Peak.

44. EXT. EMBANKMENT NEAR BRIDGE AND STREAM

Tuvelle lunges for the knife and Todd steps aside, and she falls, YELLING. Todd demands that Tuvelle pay him the thousand dollars she owes him.

She laughs at Todd then karate chops him in the neck and kicks him in the gut. Todd falls down, writhing and HOWLING in pain, dropping the knife.

Tuvelle grabs the knife and runs by Todd, then pauses, turns back, runs back to Todd and kicks him in the side for good measure, grabs his binoculars and LAUGHS as he GROANS.

She scrambles up the embankment as Todd rolls over and gets up and runs after her.

45. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK TRAILS/BRIDGE/BACK
SIDE OF PERILOUS PEAK/EDGE OF GRASSY CLEARING/BRIDGE OVER STREAM

Tuvelle scurries like a rat up a tree and uses the binoculars to scan the horizon. Through her eyes we see

the trail that has the sign that says TO LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER
and then she spots the hidden valley and fire lookout tower. She sees McKenzie in the lost lookout tower, though the tower’s giant window.

46. EXT. MONTAGE

–Tuvelle sprints away, with Todd running after her, trying to keep up

–Tuvelle takes the trail with the sign that says TO LOST FIRE LOOKOUT TOWER with Todd trailing behind her

47. EXT. HIDDEN VALLEY WITH LOST LOOKOUT TOWER

Tuvelle is only a few steps ahead of Todd, who winces in pain while he tries to keep up, as they climb the ladder to the tower, but when she enters the tower, there’s no ghost.

Through the giant panoramic window, Tuvelle spots McKenzie in the distance below, resting on a giant rock and checking her bloody forehead.

48. GIANT ROCK 300 FEET BEYOND THE TOWER AND HIDDEN VALLEY

McKenzie stands up and uses her binoculars. She can see the glowing blue and green totem trail up ahead, several hundred feet away.

She heads towards the trail, excited to finally find the Lost Totem Trail, and forgetting to watch out for sharp rocks.

McKenzie trips on a rock and falls, twisting her ankle. In pain, she pulls herself up to sit on a rock and pulls a bandage out of her backpack to wrap her ankle.

49. EXT. HIDDEN VALLEY WITH LOST LOOKOUT TOWER

Tuvelle scurries down the tower’s ladder with Todd close behind her and they rush to

50. GIANT ROCK 300 FEET BEYOND THE TOWER AND HIDDEN VALLEY

They confront McKenzie as she sits on the rock, rubbing her painful bandaged ankle. Todd tries to convince McKenzie to trust him, and Tuvelle tries to convince McKenzie to trust him, and in the end, McKenzie trusts Tuvelle.

Tuvelle pulls out pepper spray and threatens to spray Todd if he doesn’t leave them alone. Todd stops, not knowing what to do, but he still pleads with McKenzie not to trust Tuvelle, that she’s the one who’s crazy.

51. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK LOST TOTEM TRAIL – CONTINUOUS

McKenzie leans on Tuvelle as the two struggle up the trail, the glowing green and blue totems lighting the way.

They spot a glowing blue and green little steps. Tuvelle climbs on it and hoists herself over the side to

52. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK/PERILOUS PEAK

Tuvelle lies on the ground and extends her hand, helping McKenzie up and over the little steps and onto the peak.

They stare in amazement at the glorious peak, with vista views for miles and miles in each direction.

A marker says PERILOUS PEAK SUMMIT – 6,200 Feet.

McKenzie, wincing from her swollen ankle, limps to a rock and plops down.

She pulls her wet back pack off of her back and fishes in it for her cell phone. It’s wet from the stream. She tries to dial nine-one-one, but can’t get cell coverage.

They hear a NOISE and a YELL of RELIEF as Todd hoists himself up and onto the peak.

(Climax/Ultimate Expression of the conflict)

Tuvelle pulls the knife out of her backpack and rush at Todd. He dodges her and runs towards McKenzie, who stares in disbelief.

McKenzie gets up and smiles, and hobbles over to Tuvelle and hands out in friendship and asks Tuvelle to drop the knife.

Tuvelle puts the knife down on rock and smiles at McKenzie. Tuvelle fishes in her backpack for something. She tips her backpack upside down and spills its contents everywhere.

There’s sunblock, bottles of water, snacks, a coiled up rope and other supplies and several fake plastic Black Widow spiders and press on spider bite tattoos fall out, then a can of pepper spray rolls out and Tuvelle picks it up.

McKenzie spots the fake spiders and tattoos, then bends over and picks them up, pointing at the fake spider bite on Tuvelle’s arm and realizes Tuvelle’s Black Widow Spider bite is a fake!

Tuvelle CHUCKLES and sneers at McKenzie, a mean look in her eyes, like she’s suddenly transformed to Cruella Da Ville.

Tuvelle admits that she did hire Todd to scare them and she’s been following McKenzie and sabotaging her since Nov 1, since McKenzie stole her “new prospect” at the Halloween party and made her break her winning streak with men and her grandparents called her a “magnificent loser.”

McKenzie says the guy Tuvelle is referring to is her cousin Brent, and he needed a ride home because he drank too much and was sick, that’s why they left early.

Tuvelle doesn’t believe McKenzie’s story. She walks around, fingering the pepper spray, stopping to stare at Todd, then McKenzie, who are both befuddled by her strange behavior.

Tuvelle holds up the pepper spray and points it at McKenzie’s face and CHUCKLES.

Todd calls her a “Looney Tunes Gold Digger” and Tuvelle points the pepper spray at Todd.

Tuvelle turns into a nasty critter, SNARLS, SLAPS Todd, then sprays it in his eyes.

Todd HOWLS in pain, rubbing his eyes as staggers around. McKenzie, gets up and limps towards him, trying to help him.

Tuvelle LAUGHS and rushes over to the rock, picks up the knife, lunges at Todd, and stabs him in the leg.

Todd staggers backwards and tumbles off the cliff, SCREAMING.

Tuvelle laughs and walks slowly toward McKenzie with the knife. McKenzie shrinks back and SCREAMS and tells Tuvelle she’s certifiable crazy!

Tuvelle says she even threw rocks at McKenzie’s car on the freeway! McKenzie says Tuvelle needs help.

Tuvelle grabs the knife on the rock, LAUGHS and lunges towards McKenzie, cutting McKenzie’s arm.

The two fight over the knife as McKenzie SCREAMS ‘God hlp me!”

We hear the TUM TUM TUM of drums.

Several spooky glowing giant blue and green totems appear over the edge of ridge and floats towards them.

One of totems hovers right over Tuvelle. We hear it SHRIEK and GROAN.

Tuvelle SCREAMS, jumps back, drops the knife and stumbles backward, trips on a boulder and falls off the cliff to her death, SCREAMING all the way down to the rocks hundreds of feet below.

The haunted totems circle McKenzie and give off a warm glow as she stares in disbelief, then gets a hold of herself.

McKenzie smiles at them and waves and thanks the spiritual beings.

The haunted totems swirl away across the summit and then disappear.

(Resolution)

McKenzie hears Todd’s YELLS for help. She looks over the cliff’s edge and sees Todd clinging to a bush in a crevice.

McKenzie grabs her backpack and digs out a small tarp, rolls it up and uses it as a rope.

She throws the makeshift rope over the cliff and Todd grabs it.

She struggles and uses all her might to hoists him up and over the cliff to safety.

Todd, overwhelmed, LAUGHS then struggles up on his feet and hops over to a boulder, his leg bleeding.

McKenzie grabs a can of hydrogen peroxide out of her backpack and sprays it on his wound, then takes a t-shirt out of her backpack, rolls it up and uses it to bind Todd’s bleeding leg.

She grabs some bottled water from her backpack and rinses Todd’s eyes. Todd notices the bleeding cut on her arm.

We hear THUNDER and see flashes of lightning and it starts to lightly rain again.

Todd offers his arm for McKenzie to lean on, as the two hobble to the ledge of the peak.

We hear the TUM TUM TUM of drums.

Todd grins and nods YES.

He hoists himself over the ledge to the glowing blue rock below, then helps McKenzie down off of edge of Perilous Peak.

53. EXT. CUYAMACA RANCHO STATE PARK/LOST TOTEM TRAIL – CONTINUOUS

Several blue and green ghostly totems appear again and float before them, then slowly line each side of the trail that lead them down toward the visitor center.

Around the bend, in the distance, they see the Visitor Center. They continue to follow the totems down the trail, the Visitor Center within fifty feet, and then the totems swirl around them, then disappear.

The sun sets and Todd kisses McKenzie and thanks her for saving his life.

McKenzie says “you’re welcome” and invites him to a New Year’s Eve party. He says yes and kisses her again as the two keep walking towards the Visitor Center.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Misdirects…When Appropriate!

What I learned is…misdirections are fun to write! I already have a few in my story/Thriller Map, and I need to add a dialogue misdirection too.

1. Check these three to see how effectively you used misdirection

A.
The Red Herring character.
This is Todd, who is hired by
Tuvelle to wear a creepy mask and cloak and chase her and McKenzie on the
trails.

B.
The Villain’s plan.
Tuvelle is angry at McKenzie
for making her “end her winning streak” with men and turning her into a “magnificent
loser” so she hired her neighbor, Todd, to chase them around the trails so
scare McKenzie, then they end up at Perilous Peak, where Tuvelle tries to
murder McKenzie by pushing her off the cliff!

C. The cover-up for each mystery present as “Reality.”

Mystery 1: A masked figure is following McKenzie
Cover-up: We assume it’s a man following McKenzie, but it’s really Tuvelle.

Mystery 2: A masked figure is chasing McKenzie and Tuvelle on the trails leading up to Perilous Peak
Cover-up: It’s Todd, Tuvelle’s neighbor, who Tuvelle hired to chase them and scare McKenzie on the trails.

Mystery 3: After McKenzie pulls Todd’s mask off, he says he was hired by Tuvelle to scare them, but McKenzie doesn’t know if she should believe him or not.
Cover-Up: Tuvelle says she’s never met Tod before in her life, and he’s a crazy guy who may murder them!

Mystery 4: On Perilous Peak, McKenzie doesn’t know who to believe or trust, Tuvelle or Todd?
Cover-Up: Tuvelle pulls up Todd’s pant leg and exposes his hiking knife…is he really a killer?

2. Look through your Thriller Map for a few opportunities to add in misdirection.

A.
Clue Misdirection.
Todd has a hiking knife
strapped to his leg…is he a killer?


B.
Character Misdirection.
An older guy jumps down from a
tree on the trail, and scares McKenzie, and she thinks he’s weird, and
later thinks he might be the figure wearing the mask and stalking them.


C.
Dialogue Misdirection.
I’m still working on this one!

3. Decide on the ones that work and add them to the Thriller Map.
I already have the misdirections in my Thriller Map.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty Gives Great Clues!

What I learned is…I need to have clues leading to mysteries in every scene if possible. I need more covert clues!

Title: TERROR ON THE TOTEM TRAIL

THRILLER MAP

ACT 1

OPENING: McKenzie drives to work, and doesn’t notice she’s being followed by someone wearing a creepy mask.

Mystery 1: Who is the person wearing the creepy mask?

Mystery 2: Why is the person following her?

COvert Clue: The person with the mask has a Mercedes Benz with a license plate that says NAME, that’s a clue to the driver’s identity.

Covert Clue: A Mercedes Benz

Mystery 3: What is the story behind the Lost Totem Trail?

Overt Clue: One map says, “Can you find the way to Perilous Peak on the Lost Totem Trail?”

Mystery 4: Why does McKenzie want to climb to find the Lost Totem Trail to climb to Perilous Peak?

Overt Clue: The Lost Totem Trail figures into McKenzie’s life and history somehow.

Overt Clue: McKenzie stands on a chair to change a lightbulb in her office, but gets dizzy and has to step down, and her cousin, Brent, has to change it.

Mystery 5: Why does McKenzie get dizzy standing on a chair? Does she have vertigo?

Overt Clue: McKenzie’s tire is flat.

Mystery 6: Why is it flat? Did the masked figure let the air out of her tire?

Overt Clue: The Masked Figure gets out of his car and creeps near where McKenzie is parked, in front of Uncle Walter’s house.

Mystery 7: Who is this masked figure and why is his following her?

Overt Clue: McKenzie and her Mom and sister argue over McKenzie hiking up to Perilous Peak that same day, New Year’s Eve.

Overt Clue: The masked figure driving the Mercedes sedan parks near McKenzie’s Mom’s house and waits.

Overt Clue: The Masked Figure flits away from McKenzie’s Mom’s door, and hides by the side of a neighbor’s house.

Mystery 8: Who left the large cutout figure of the Grim Reaper at McKenzie’s Mom’s front door and why?

INCITING INCIDENT: McKenzie’s Mom wads up McKenzie’s flyer about the hike to Perilous Peak, and hurls it into the trash.

Overt Clue: The Masked Figure flits away from McKenzie’s Mom’s door, and hides by the side of a neighbor’s house.

Mystery 8: Who left the large cutout figure of the Grim Reaper at McKenzie’s Mom’s front door and why?

Overt Clue: The Masked Figure parks near where the Uber driver lets McKenzie off at the Visitor Center at Rancho Cuyamaca State Park.

Mystery 9: Why is this person following McKenzie to the state park, where she’ll be attempting to hike to Perilous Peak?

Overt Clue: On the wall in the Visitor Center is The mural is titled PORCUPINE PEAK AND THE LOST TOTEM TRAIL, CIRCA 1920. It features glowing green and blue totems that line the trail up to Perilous Peak.

Mystery 10: Why is this trail considered “lost” and what’s the history behind it? Are there really glowing blue and green totems on the trail?

Overt Clue: McKenzie misses the trail head marker for the main trail, then will miss the trail signs to the alternate trail to Perilous Peak.

Mystery 11: Will she make it up to Perilous Peak? If so, on what route?

Covert Clue: McKenzie climbs a high rock to try to get cell phone reception, but it doesn’t work.

Mystery 12: Will she be okay without cell phone reception?

Overt Clue: McKenzie hears a young woman’s scream on the trail.

Overt Clue: McKenzie finds a blue Tiffany backpack with rhinestones on it. The backpack has blood on it.

Covert Clue: The backpack has bling! It’s a clue to the owner’s personality.

Mystery 13: Who is screaming and why?

Mystery 14: Who does the backpack belong to?

Overt Clue: McKenzie hears a scream coming from inside the cave.

Mystery 15: Who is screaming and why?

TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT 1

ACT 2

Overt Clue: The Masked Figure runs by outside the cave.

Mystery 16: Who is the Masked Figure and why are they creeping around the cave? Are McKenzie and Tuvelle in danger in the cave?

Overt Clue: McKenzie and Tuvelle hear spooky singing and chanting in the cave.

Mystery 17: Who is singing and chanting and why? Are they in danger?

Covert Clue: The mural on the cave wall with drawings of three stages of turtles making progress.

Overt Clue: The Off-the-Grid Club members chant about the turtle making progress when it sticks its neck out.

Mystery 18: What’s the significance of the turtle drawings?

Overt Clue: The Leader of the Off-the-Grid Club encourages Tuvelle and McKenzie to take the road less traveled.

Mystery 19: Is the road less traveled the Lost Totem Trail?

Covert Clue: The tiki torches that lead on the tunnel that leads to the cave’s exit are painted glowing blue and green.

Mystery 20: Do the tiki torches signify the truth in the legend of the Lost Totem Trail?

Covert Clue: The small-size exit door to the cave.

Mystery 21: What does the small door signify? Does it mean that the way to Perilous Peak will be strange and difficult?

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT

Covert Clue: Tuvelle says she’s bitten by a Black Widow spider but it “really doesn’t hurt.”

Mystery 22: Is Tuvelle faking it?

ACT 3

Covert Clue: Tuvelle runs across the rickety bridge but doesn’t turn back to make sure McKenzie gets across it ok, despite McKenzie’s yells for help.

Mystery 23: Tuvelle says she didn’t hear McKenzie’s yells for help, but is that true?

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT

ACT 4

Covert Clue: Todd says to Tuvelle, “Not so fast, where’s my money?”

Mystery 24: What money? Did Tuvelle hire him to wear the mask and chase them around? What’s going on?

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF CONFLICT

Covert Clue: Tuvelle digs in her backpack and say, “I know it’s here. I just bought an extra can yesterday.”

Mystery 25: A can of what?

Covert Clue: Tuvelle says that McKenzie’s the “chick a the Halloween party who made her break her two-year winning streak.”

Mystery 26: What is Tuvelle talking about? What “winning streak” and what does McKenzie have to do with it?

Covert Clue: We hear TUM TUM TUM below Perilous Peak, getting closer.

Mystery 27: Where is this TUM TUM TUM sound coming from?

RESOLUTION

Overt Clue: McKenzie hears a YELL for help.

Mystery 28: Is Todd still alive?

Overt Clue: We hear the TUM TUM TUM again as McKenzie and Todd crawl down from Perilous Peak to a trail below.

Mystery 29: The glowing blue and green totems appear, showing the way down the mountain to safety. Is this the Lost Totem Trail?

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned is…The more scenes I have with MIS and a clever cover-up and dramatic reveal, the better my story is!

Reveal 1:

A. Reveal: McKenzie is being followed by a figure wearing a creepy mask.
B. How did it get covered up? A figure was wearing a fake “man’s face” mask.
C. Mystery: Why is a dark sedan driving so closely behind McKenzie’s car?
D. Suspense: Will the masked figure try to harm McKenzie?
E:
E: Reveal with dramatic impact: A person is wearing two masks! McKenzie is in danger

Reveal 2:

A. Reveal: McKenzie hears a noise by her car.
B. How did it get covered up? Nobody is within her line of site, but the creepy masked figure is lurking nearby.
C. Mystery: Why is she being followed?
D. Suspense: Will the creepy masked figure harm her?
E. Intrigue: Who wears two masks, one on top of the other?
F. Reveal with dramatic impact: She looks under her car, there’s nothing there, she’s safe.

Reveal: 3

A. Reveal: The Creepy Masked Figure is on the rooftop, staring down at McKenzie.
B. How did it get covered up? The person is wearing a mask.
C. Mystery: Who is wearing the mask and why are they following McKenzie?
D. Suspense: Will the Creepy Masked Figure try to harm McKenzie?
E. Intrigue: Why is this person acting so weird?
F. Reveal with dramatic impact: N/A

Reveal: 4

A. Reveal: In McKenzie’s office, we can see she loves hiking in state and national parks and she’s interested in finding the lost Totem Trail that leads to Perilous Peak. She walks around and admires the posters and tra
B. How did it get covered up? There are posters on the wall and old maps that show the hiking trails and the lost Totem Trail and Perilous Peak.
C. Mystery: One map says, “Can you find the way to Perilous Peak on the Lost Totem Trail?”
D. Suspense: N/A
E. Intrigue: What’s the history of the Lost Totem Trail?
F. Reveal with dramatic impact: McKenzie traces her finger on the map with the Lost Totem Trail and says, “I’m not giving up on you.”

Reveal: 5

A. Reveal: McKenzie pulls a flyer off her board that advertises a New Year’s Day hike up to Perilous Peak, and she plans to do the hike today.
B. How did it get covered up? We don’t notice it at first, when she walks into her office.
C. Mystery: N/A
D. Suspense: Will McKenzie make it to Perilous Peak safely?
E. Intrigue: Why is McKenzie so determined to make it to Perilous Peak today?
F. Reveal with dramatic impact: She rips the flyer off the bulletin board and says, “Okay, baby! You’re on!”

Reveal: 6

A. Reveal: McKenzie’s bosses, her Uncle John and Aunt June, hide behind her and yell, “Happy New Year’s Eve!”
B. How did it get covered up? They sneak up behind McKenzie.
C. Mystery: Will McKenzie hear them sneaking up behind her? Who are these people?
D. Suspense: Will McKenzie trip over the waste paper basket behind her?
E. Intrigue: Why are these people sneaking up behind McKenzie?
F. Reveal with dramatic impact: Uncle John and Aunt June yell, “Happy New Year’s Eve!” and McKenzie, startled, jumps back and trips on the waste paper basket behind her and falls on the floor.

Reveal: 7

A. Reveal: The two people who sneak up behind McKenzie are her Uncle John and Aunt June, who are also her employers.
B. How did it get covered up? We don’t know who these two people are who are sneaking up behind McKenzie.
C. Mystery: Who are these two people?
D. Suspense: Why are they sneaking up behind McKenzie?
E. Intrigue: N/A
F. Reveal with dramatic impact: Uncle John and Aunt June yell, “Happy New Year’s Eve!” and McKenzie is startled, trips backward over the waste paper basket and falls on the floor, laughing.

Reveal: 8

A.
Reveal: Brent is McKenzie’s
co-worker at the firm and her cousin.
B. How did it get covered up? We
don’t know who he is at first.
C. Mystery: We hear a voice singing Volare in the next room. Who is this?
D. Suspense: N/A
E. Intrigue: Who sings Volare in a law office?
F. Reveal with dramatic impact: McKenzie’s cousin, Brent, appears and he says, “Hi
Cuz!”

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Trust Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment is…adding trust and distrust into the main characters’ relationships makes the action more exciting and intriguing!

Create trust / distrust relationships between your characters and add them to your Thriller Map.

1. Make a list of the main characters.

Hero: McKenzie
Villain: Tuvelle

Red Herring Character: Todd (as the Masked Figure)
Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Tuvelle

Isn’t trusted, but should be: Todd (after he’s been unmasked by McKenzie)

2. With each character, ask these questions:

Hero: McKenzie
A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? Trustable

B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable? N/A-McKenzie is the hero!

C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other? N/A-McKenzie is the hero!

Villain: Tuvelle

A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? Not Trustable

B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable? Tuvelle appears trustable up until the climax, because she acts like the Masked Figure is after her, with the knife! Tuvelle also appears trustable because she asks McKenzie for help to get away from the Masked Figure, and she works with McKenzie where they both try to find places to hide from the Masked Figure.

C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other? Tuvelle switches from Trustable to Not Trustable at the climax on Perilous Peak, when she reveals she’s been sabotaging McKenzie since November 1^st and she hired Todd to chase them, and she followed her to work earlier that day!

Red Herring Character: Todd (as the Masked Figure)

A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable? Trustable

B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable? When Todd is dressed as the Masked Figure and has the plastic knife that he waves at Tuvelle and McKenzie, he appears to be Not Trustable and dangerous. But when McKenzie pulls off his mask, and she discovers the knife is plastic, she begin to trust him and believe his story that he was hired by Tuvelle to chase them!

C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other? After McKenzie pulls off Todd’s mask, and he shows her the knife is plastic, another knife appears strapped his leg, when he pant leg gets caught on some bushes, and the other knife is real!

3. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.

Hero / Villain: McKenzie/Tuvelle

TRUST: The doorbell rings at
McKenzie’s Mom’s house, so McKenzie answers the door.

DISTRUST: Tuvelle, dressed as
the Masked Figure, leaves a large creepy cardboard figure of the Grim
Reaper at the door.

TRUST: McKenzie finds Tuvelle hiding behind a tree, crying in fear.

DISTRUST: Tuvelle says she’s
being chased by the Masked Figure and she’s twisted her ankle and she asks
McKenzie to help her. However, Tuvelle is lying, she hasn’t twisted her ankle.

TRUST: Tuvelle tells McKenzie
she’ll stay hidden behind the big rock, if McKenzie will hike up to
Perilous Peak where she can get cell coverage and call 911.

DISTRUST: Tuvelle also tells
McKenzie the main trails are washed out and she’ll never be able to make
it back to the Visitor Center for help, even though McKenzie thinks she
can find several old, unused trails back to the visitor center. Tuvelle
says McKenzie looks like a girl who “gets lost easily.”

TRUST: Tuvelle tells McKenzie
not to trust Terry when Terry says that Tuvelle paid him to dress up as
the Masked Figure and scare them. She says Terry’s a nut and she never
paid him anything…and that he just enjoys scaring women!

DISTRUST: Tuvelle coaxes McKenzie
up to Perilous Peak and helps her up over the cliff, then turns on her and
Terry.

Hero / Red Herring Character: McKenzie doesn’t trust Todd when he’s the Masked
Figure, and isn’t sure she should trust him even when he says he was paid
by Tuvelle to scare them. When McKenzie sees the “real” knife strapped to
his leg, she is immediately distrustful of him and afraid. She trusts him
in the end, on Perilous Peak, when he begs her to not trust Tuvelle, who
is crazy and wants to kill them both.


Hero / Trusted, but shouldn’t
be: McKenzie is the hero and is
trustworthy, but not always reliable because she has a poor sense of
direction and gets lost easily because she lacks confidence in her literal
sense of direction on the trails, but also metaphorically because she’s
unsure about the direction of her life and if she’s really on the right
career path or if she should change careers and go back to college to become
a park ranger.
Hero / Isn’t trusted, but should be:

4. Create a sequence for each trust/distrust relationship (like I did with Three Days of The Condor) and then add that to your map. See #3 above.

5. Give us the new version of your Thriller Map.

ACT 1

OPENING: McKenzie is driving to work, and is followed by a Masked Figure!

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie blasts the music, keeps driving and is oblivious that she’s being followed.

TRUST: McKenzie parks her car in the lot by her office, not worrying about it, even though it’s a valuable classic car.

DISTRUST: McKenzie gets to her car in the lot and gets in and starts to drive, then hears a THUMP THUMP. She gets out and realizes her 4 tires are flat!

TRUST: McKenzie looks around, is a little spooked, but shrugs and gets the fix-a-flat out of her trunk and fills up the tires, shrugs it off and drives out of the parking lot.

TWIST: The Masked Figure speeds by her and shakes their fist at McKenzie, but McKenzie is looking down for a second and doesn’t notice.

INCITING INCIDENT: McKenzie’s Mom forbids her to hike alone at Cuyamaca Rancho State Park, and wads up her flyer and hurls it into the trash! McKenzie stands up to her Mom and says she’s going anyway!

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie grabs her keys and is about to head out the door, but she pauses to hug her Mom and sister and her Mom argues with her and tries to convince her not to hike to Perilous Peak.

TWIST: The Masked Figure gets out of his car, creeps
up onto rings McKenzie’s Mom’s doorstep, then leaves a large photo of the Grim
Reaper on the doormat, rings the doorbell and flits away like a phantom.

TRUST: McKenzie opens the door,
without looking through the peephole, even though her Mom tells her to always
do this.

DISTRUST: McKenzie is taken aback
and a little rattled when she sees the large cut-out figure of the Grim Reaper.

TRUST: McKenzie she sees a group of
teenagers driving down the street and tells her Mom and sister it’s probably
the same kids who always toilet paper her Mom’s house on Halloween!

TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1: McKenzie finds a backpack in the cave with a note that says “I’m being chased by a guy with a mask and knife! Please help me!

TRUST: McKenzie immediately worries about the person who wrote the note and decides to try to help them. She completely trusts that the note is real and she doesn’t think for a second that it might be fake.

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie is looking through the backpack for clues to the note writer’s identity.

TWIST: McKenzie pulls out a bloody white scarf and SCREAMS!

ACT 2

TRUST: McKenzie follows the SCREAMS and finds Tuvelle huddled behind a rock, crying and distraught, and she immediately tries to comfort her.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Tuvelle points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider that’s nearby. She’s been bitten by the spider and she sprained her ankle!

DISTRUST: McKenzie says she can treat the spider bite with her first aid kit, but Tuvelle says she doesn’t need the treatment as she’s “built an immunity to Black Widow Spider bites” and McKenzie says she never heard of anyone building an immunity to Black Widow spiders and she should let her treat the bite anyway, but Tuvelle says no, it’s not necessary. McKenzie frowns, but reluctantly agrees not to do anything about the bite.

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie wraps Tuvelle’s ankle with a bandage.

TWIST: A giant tree limb, battered by the rain, CRACKS and falls only a few feet away from them, making them both SCREAM!

ACT 3

TRUST: Tuvelle tells McKenzie she’ll never make it back to the Visitor Center, it’s too dangerous with the washed out trails, and that she should try to get to Perilous Peak where she can get cell coverage and dial 911 for her.

DISTRUST: McKenzie says she’s sure she can find the alternate trail down to the Visitor Center and maybe she should just go back the way she came but Tuvelle tells her she’ll never get there. McKenzie says the guy with the mask could be luring them further away from the Visitor Center, and she’s afraid to keep going to Perilous Peak and she doesn’t trust her own sense of direction because of the rain.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT: When McKenzie falls through the rickety bridge to the stream below and scrapes her leg on a rock and blood gushes out of her wound.

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie surfaces from the water and crawls to the shore, her leg gushing with blood.

TWIST:<b style=”font-weight: bold;”> McKenzie picks her way through some downed tree limbs from the storm, trips and falls hits her bloody leg on a large stone, and SCREAMS in pain.

ACT 4

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, climbs over the edge, and looks around for McKenzie, and Terry climbs over the edge and lunges at Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul. They struggle on the ground and McKenzie sees her chance and pulls off the Masked Figure’s mask, it’s Tuvelle!

TRUST: Tuvelle coaxes McKenzie over the ledge and puts her hand out to pull McKenzie over the ledge.

DISTRUST: Tuvelle steps on Terry’s hand and tries to push him back so he can’t get over the ledge. She said he’s the one who was wearing the Mask and the cloak, not her.

TRUST: Terry begs McKenzie for help up over the ledge, where he can prove to her that he’s trustworthy and that Tuvelle hired him to wear a mask and scare them. McKenzie believes him and helps him up over the ledge to Perilous Peak.

TRUST: Tuvelle runs behind a rock on Perilous Peak, to “use the facilities” and McKenzie tells Terry he’s mistaken, the Tuvelle is the one who’s the victim here, because he’s been chasing them.

DISTRUST: McKenzie realizes that
Tuvelle just ran behind the rock…what happened to her sprained ankle? She
starts to question who Tuvelle really is and her motives.

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie is
stunned when she finds Tuvelle runs out from behind the rock, dressed as the
Masked Figure!

TWIST: Tuvelle reaches out and SLAPS
McKenzie in the face, then rolls on the ground and SHRIEKS with demented
LAUGHTER.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Twists and Turns

What I learned doing this assignment is…there are many areas in my script where I can add twists, and twists make my story a lot more exciting and fun!

ACT 1

OPENING: McKenzie is driving to work, and is followed by
a Masked Figure!

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie blasts
the music, keeps driving and is oblivious that she’s being followed.

TWIST: The Masked Figure speeds by
her and shakes their fist at McKenzie, but McKenzie is looking down for a
second and doesn’t notice.

INCITING INCIDENT: McKenzie’s Mom forbids her to hike alone at Cuyamaca Rancho State Park, and wads up her flyer and hurls it into the trash! McKenzie stands up to her Mom and says she’s going anyway!

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie grabs her keys and is about to head out the door, but she pauses to hug her Mom and sister and her Mom argues with her and tries to convince her not to hike to Perilous Peak.

TWIST: The Masked Figure gets out of his car, creeps up onto rings McKenzie’s Mom’s doorstep, then leaves a large photo of the Grim Reaper on the doormat, rings the doorbell and flits away like a phantom.

TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1: McKenzie finds a backpack in the cave with a note that says “I’m being chased by a guy with a mask and knife! Please help me!

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie is looking through the backpack for clues to the note writer’s identity.

TWIST: McKenzie pulls out a bloody white scarf and SCREAMS!

ACT 2

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Tuvelle points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider that’s nearby. She’s been bitten by the spider and she sprained her ankle!

CURRENT DIRECTION: Tuvelle pulls out her first aid kit to treat the spider bite and wrap Tuvelle’s ankle.

TWIST: A giant tree limb, battered by the rain, CRACKS and falls only a few feet away from them, making them both SCREAM!

ACT 3

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT: When McKenzie falls through the rickety bridge to the stream below and hits scrapes her leg on a rock and blood gushes out of her wound.

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie surfaces from the water and crawls to the shore, her leg gushing with blood.

TWIST:<b style=”font-weight: bold;”> McKenzie picks her way through some downed tree limbs from the storm, trips and falls hits her bloody leg on a large stone, and SCREAMS in pain.

ACT 4

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, climbs over the edge, and looks
around for McKenzie, and Terry climbs over the edge and lunges at Tuvelle,
dressed as the Masked Ghoul. They struggle on the ground and McKenzie sees her
chance and pulls off the Masked Figure’s mask, it’s Tuvelle!

CURRENT DIRECTION: McKenzie is
stunned when she finds out Tuvelle is the Masked Figure! She’s too stunned to
speak for a few seconds.

TWIST: Tuvelle reaches out and SLAPS
McKenzie in the face, then rolls on the ground and SHRIEKS with demented
LAUGHTER.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Thriller Plot!

What I learned doing this assignment is…to keep the story thrilling, I need to have a lot of life threatening situations, which I do!

1. List out your structure using whatever structure you are comfortable with.
I’m using the 4-Act Structure.

2. Inside your structure, fill in the gaps with the Life Threatening situations, Mysteries, and Villain’s plan. Do this one at a time. That will keep you from getting confused.

ACT 1

OPENING: McKenzie is driving to work, and is followed by a Masked Figure!

Life Threatening 1: Will the person following McKenzie try to harm her?

Mystery 1: Who is the Masked Figure?

Mystery 2: Why is the Masked Figure following McKenzie?

Life Threatening 2: The Masked Figure follows McKenzie on her way to her Mom’s house and parks nearby when her sister “picks” her up at Uncle Bob’s house.

INCITING INCIDENT: McKenzie’s Mom forbid her to hike alone at Cuyamaca Rancho State Park, and wads up her flyer and hurls it into the trash! McKenzie stands up to her Mom and says she’s going anyway!

Mystery 3: Why is McKenzie’s Mom saying that McKenzie has no sense of direction and “remember 10 years ago?”

Life
Threatening 3: The
Masked Figure follows McKenzie and the Uber driver to Cuyamaca Rancho State
Park.

Mystery 4: The mural is titled PORCUPINE PEAK AND THE LOST TOTEM TRAIL, CIRCA 1920. What’s the history of the trail?

Mystery 5: Tuvelle screams on the hiking trails near McKenzie. Who is this person and why are they screaming?

Villain’s Plan 2: Tuvelle is luring McKenzie into the mystery and danger.

Life Threatening 5: Terry appears on a ridge as the Masked Figure, and waves a knife, to frighten McKenzie. Tuvelle hired Terry to dress as the figure also

Villain’s Plan 3: Tuvelle sobs loudly near the cave.

Mystery 6: Who is sobbing?

Villain’s Plan 4: Tuvelle leaves a backpack with bloody stains on it in the cave with a note saying she’s being chased by a guy with a mask and knife, with her phone number, and to please help!

(TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1)

ACT 2

Life Threatening 6: Terry is dressed as the Masked Figure and he runs outside past the cave, while McKenzie rides out the storm and meets the Off-the-Grid club.

Villain’s Plan 5: McKenzie exits the cave and calls Tuvelle’s cell number. Tuvelle says she’s being stalked by a guy with a mask and a knife, then screams and the line goes dead.

Mystery 7: Why is the Masked Figure stalking Tuvelle?

Life Threatening 7: Is Tuvelle OK?

Villain’s Plan 6: McKenzie spots Terry, who is dressed up Masked Figure, on a ridge above her, waving a knife. Terry is the RED HERRING.

Life Threatening 8: The Masked Figure is threatening McKenzie with a knife.

Mystery 8: Who is screaming? Is it Tuvelle? McKenzie follows more SCREAMS, and finds Tuvelle hiding behind a huge rock.

Villain’s Plan 7: Tuvelle pleads for McKenzie’s help and says she’s being stalked by a guy in a mask with a knife. Tuvelle is luring McKenzie even deeper into her web of danger and deceit.

Life Threatening 9: Tuvelle points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider that’s nearby. She’s been bitten by the spider and she sprained her ankle.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT

ACT 3

Life Threatening 10: McKenzie and Tuvelle both try to call 911, but can’t get cell coverage.

Villain’s Plan 8: Tuvelle encourages McKenzie to try to get to Perilous Peak, which does have cell coverage, rather than trying to make it back to the visitor center, since the lower trails have been washed out and covered with rocks in the rain and rock slides. Tuvelle wants to get McKenzie isolated on Perilous Peak so she can push her off the edge!

Villain’s Plan 9: Tuvelle says she’ll wait where she’s at for McKenzie to summon help. Tuvelle’s spider bite and twisted ankle are fake!

Life Threatening 11: Tuvelle, dressed as The Masked Figure, follows McKenzie as she runs into a gold mine to seek shelter from lightning and rain.

Mystery 9: Who is the Masked Figure and why are they brandishing a knife?

Life Threatening 12: As McKenzie goes further into the mine, the Tuvelle, dressed up as the Masked Ghoul, rushes into the mine after McKenzie, brandishing a knife.

Life Threatening 13: Tuvelle, dressed as Masked Figure, crawls out from the rubble by the old support beam and crawls over it and catches up to McKenzie. Tuvelle jumps in an old mine cart and uses the levers to roll behind her.

Villain’s Plan: 10: Tuvelle, dressed up as a Masked Figure, switches the trail signs, causing McKenzie to get even more lost on the way to Perilous Peak. McKenzie already distrusts her own sense of direction, now she’s really lost!

Life Threatening 14: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases McKenzie across a rickety, worn bridge over a stream.

Life Threatening 15: When McKenzie falls through the rickety bridge to the stream below and hits scrapes her leg on a rock and blood gushes out of her wound.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT

ACT 4

Life Threatening 16: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, circles back and chases McKenzie through a field, where McKenzie opens a hatch opening in the ground and seeks shelter in an old underground WWII bunker. Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases her, but McKenzie hits Tuvelle with an umbrella, stunning her temporarily, enough to get away and escape the bunker.

Mystery 10: Why is there a hatch opening in the middle of a field?

Life Threatening 17: McKenzie, despite having vertigo, climbs a tall tree and spots a trail of a small, hidden valley, where there’s an old Fire Lookout Tower.

Life Threatening 18: McKenzie runs towards the valley, and Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, appears on the edge of the valley, waving the knife.

Life Threatening 19: As McKenzie overcomes her vertigo as she’s climbing the old Fire Lookout Tower ladder, that’s surrounded on all sides by rocks.

Life Threatening 20: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, catches up to McKenzie and chases her up the tower’s tall outside ladder, but McKenzie kicks her, causing her to fall back and hang perilously from the ladder.

Mystery 11: McKenzie keeps running through the old Fire Lookout Tower room, where the ghosts point toward the lost Totem Trail, that glows with green and blue totems, and leads up to the unused backside of Perilous Peak. Who are these ghosts? Are the glowing green and blue totems for real or an illusions? Are they on the Lost Totem Trail?

Life Threatening 21: As McKenzie hurries down the exit ladder on the other side of the tower, Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases McKenzie as she heads toward the lost Totem Trail.

Mystery 12: McKenzie hears a man’s YELLS behind her and she looks back to see a man, Terry, chasing Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, and climbing down the exit ladder. Who is Terry? Is he a bad guy? Why is he chasing Tuvelle?

Mystery 13: Terry confronts Tuvelle, who is dressed as the Masked Figure, and tells her to give it up, the joke’s over! What joke is Terry referring to? Was this all planned in advance? If so, by whom?

Life Threatening 22: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, rushes at Terry and kicks him in the shins, then waves the knife, and chases after McKenzie, up the Totem Trail, to the edge of Perilous Peak.

Life Threatening 23: McKenzie pulls herself over the edge and onto the peak, and grabs a large tree branch, and hides behind a large rock.

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT

Life Threatening 24: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, climbs over the edge, and looks around for McKenzie, and Terry climbs over the edge and lunges at Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul. They struggle on the ground and McKenzie sees her chance and pulls off the Masked Figure’s mask, it’s Tuvelle!

Villain’s Plan 11: Tuvelle is the mastermind behind the plan to scare McKenzie!

Villain’s Plan 12: They have the showdown, and Tuvelle explains why she’s been stalking McKenzie, and Terry explains his role, but that he didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.

Life Threatening 25: Tuvelle pushes Terry off Perilous Peak!

Life Threatening 26: Tuvelle tries to push McKenzie off Perilous Peak, McKenzie steps aside and Tuvelle rushes past her and accidentally plunges off the peak to her death.

Life Threatening: 27: McKenzie hears Terry’s cries for help. He’s hanging onto a ledge below the peak. She helps him back up and he explains his role again, and they head back towards the visitor center.

Villain’s Plan 13: Terry explains that he was hired by Tuvelle to wear the mask and carry a fake knife to scare her and McKenzie, to lure McKenzie up to Perilous Peak after the rains started and to stop McKenzie from returning to the safety of the Visitor Center.

Mystery 14: The Lost Totem Trail leads them back towards a trail that leads them to the visitor center. The legend of the Lost Totem Trail is real! It does exist! Did McKenzie regain her lost sense of direction? YES!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Life Threatening Sequence

What I learned doing this assignment is…the best thrillers have danger in the opening scene and the hero is put in danger shortly thereafter, and the danger escalates for the hero in almost every scene until the move is over! I’m doing my best to escalate the danger my hero is facing, until the final scene, which has the climactic moment of danger for my hero!

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger? Tuvelle wants to kill McKenzie because McKenzie caused her to break her “winning streak” with men and turned her into a “magnificent loser” in front of her grandparents.

Tuvelle dresses up as a Masked Figure and follows McKenzie, and sabotages her throughout the story, and threatens her life in the end by trying to push her off a cliff.

What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain? McKenzie faces the dangers of perilous trails that have been washed out by a storm, rock slides, storms and lightning, vertigo and falling from trees, high ridges, and an old fire lookout tower, and ghosts that may or may not be benevolent.

Sequence those dangers in order and make a list.

1. Opens with McKenzie driving to work and a Masked Figure follows close behind her.

2. The Masked Figure climbs a fire escape and climbs on a roof and stares down at McKenzie as she walks from her car to the office.

3. The Masked Figure approaches McKenzie’s parked car.

4. The Masked Figure flits in front of McKenzie’s office.

5. When McKenzie goes to her car, she notices all four tires are flat.

6. McKenzie drives towards her Mom’s house, and the Masked Figure tailgates her and then pulls away, frightening McKenzie.

7. The Masked Figure follows McKenzie as she follows her sister, and drives to her Mom’s house, and watches McKenzie and her sister with binoculars, from a block away, as they enter their Mom’s house.

8. The Masked Figure follows the Lyft driver as he drives McKenzie to Cuyamaca Rancho State Park.

9. The Masked Figure hides behind a tree and watches McKenzie go into the park’s visitor center.

10. Tuvelle screams on the hiking trails near McKenzie.

11. Terry appears on a ridge as the Masked Figure, and waves a knife, to frighten McKenzie.

12. Tuvelle sobs loudly near the cave.

13. Tuvelle leaves a backpack with bloody stains on it in the cave with a note saying she’s being chased by a guy with a mask and knife, with her phone number, and to please help!

14. Terry is dressed as the Masked Figure and he runs outside past the cave, while McKenzie rides out the storm and meets the Off-the-Grid club.

15. McKenzie exits the cave and calls Tuvelle’s cell number. Tuvelle says she’s being stalked by a guy with a mask and a knife, then screams and the line goes dead.

16. McKenzie spots Terry, who is dressed up Masked Figure, on a ridge above her, waving a knife. Terry is the RED HERRING.
17. McKenzie follows more SCREAMS, and finds Tuvelle hiding behind a huge rock.
18. Tuvelle pleads for McKenzie’s help and says she’s being stalked by a guy in a mask with a knife. Tuvelle points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider that’s nearby. She’s been bitten by the spider and she sprained her ankle.
19. McKenzie and Tuvelle both try to call 911, but can’t get cell coverage.

20. Tuvelle encourages McKenzie to try to get to Perilous Peak, which does have cell coverage, rather than trying to make it back to the visitor center, since the lower trails have been washed out and covered with rocks in the rain and rock slides.
21. Tuvelle says she’ll wait where she’s at for McKenzie to summon help.

22. Tuvelle, dressed as The Masked Figure, follows McKenzie as she runs into a gold mine to seek shelter from lightning and rain.
23. Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, runs past the gold mine, brandishing a knife.

24. As McKenzie goes further into the mine, the Tuvelle, dressed up as the Masked Ghoul, rushes into the mine after McKenzie, brandishing a knife.

25. Tuvelle, dressed as Masked Figure, crawls out from the rubble by the old support beam and crawls over it and catches up to McKenzie. Tuvelle jumps in an old mine cart and uses the levers to roll behind her.

26. Tuvelle, dressed up as a Masked Figure, switches the trail signs, causing McKenzie to get even more lost on the way to Perilous Peak.

27. Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases McKenzie across a rickety, worn bridge over a stream.
28. When McKenzie falls through the rickety bridge to the stream below and hits scrapes her leg on a rock.
29. Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, circles back and chases McKenzie through a field, where McKenzie seeks shelter in an old underground WWII bunker, and Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases her, but McKenzie hits Tuvelle with an umbrella, stunning her temporarily, enough to get away and escape the bunker.
30. McKenzie, despite having vertigo, climbs a tree and spots a trail of a small, hidden valley, where there’s an old Fire Lookout Tower.
31. McKenzie runs towards the valley, and Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, appears on the edge of the valley, waving the knife.
32. As McKenzie overcomes her vertigo as she’s climbing the old Fire Lookout Tower, that’s surrounded on all sides by rocks.
33. Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases her up the tower’s tall outside ladder, but McKenzie kicks her, causing her to fall back and hang perilously from the ladder.

34. McKenzie keeps running through the old Fire Lookout Tower room, where the ghosts point toward the lost Totem Trail, that glows with green and blue totems, and leads up to the unused backside of Perilous Peak.
35. As McKenzie hurries down the exit ladder on the other side of the tower, Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases McKenzie as she heads toward the lost Totem Trail.

36. McKenzie hears a man’s YELLS behind her and she looks back to see a man, Terry, chasing Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, down the exit ladder.

37. Terry confronts Tuvelle, who is dressed as the Masked Figure, and tells her to give it up, the joke’s over!
38. Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, rushes at Terry and kicks him in the shins, then waves the knife, and chases after McKenzie, up the Totem Trail, to the edge of Perilous Peak.

39. McKenzie pulls herself over the edge and onto the peak, and grabs a large tree branch, and hides behind a large rock.
40. Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, climbs over the edge, and looks around for McKenzie, and Terry climbs over the edge and lunges at Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul. They struggle on the ground and McKenzie sees her chance and pulls off the Masked Figure’s mask, it’s Tuvelle!
41. They have the showdown, and Tuvelle explains why she’s been stalking McKenzie, and Terry explains his role, but that he didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.

42. Tuvelle pushes Terry off Perilous Peak!
43. Tuvelle tries to push McKenzie off Perilous Peak, McKenzie steps aside and Tuvelle rushes past her and accidentally plunges off the peak to her death.
44. McKenzie hears Terry’s cries for help. He’s hanging onto a ledge below the peak. She helps him back up and he explains his role again, and they head back towards the visitor center.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Mystery Sequence

What I learned doing this assignment is…starting with the villain’s secret and then finding interesting ways to cover them up is an easier way to create the mystery chain! This process is complex, but well worth doing!

1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?
Tuvelle has been stalking and sabotaging McKenzie since Nov 1 and plans to kill her at Perilous Peak by pushing her over the edge.

Mystery 1: Who is The Masked Figure that follows and stalks McKenzie in the opening scene, then later stalks Tuvelle and then Tuvelle and McKenzie? Why is the Masked Figure stalking them?

Mystery Chains

Tuvelle wears a mask and cloak in the opening scene and stalks McKenzie when she’s going to and from work and lets the air out of her tire.

Tuvelle follows McKenzie in her car when McKenzie gets lost on the way to her Mom’s house.

Tuvelle follows the Uber driver when he drives McKenzie to the state park.

Tuvelle screams on the hiking trails near McKenzie.

Terry appears on a ridge as the Masked Figure, and waves a knife, to frighten McKenzie.

Tuvelle sobs loudly near the cave.

Tuvelle leaves a backpack with bloody stains on it in the cave with a note saying she’s being chased by a guy with a mask and knife, with her phone number, and to please help!

Terry is dressed as the Masked Figure and he runs outside past the cave, while McKenzie rides out the storm and meets the Off-the-Grid club.

McKenzie exits the cave and calls Tuvelle’s cell number. Tuvelle says she’s being stalked by a guy with a mask and a knife, then screams and the line goes dead.

McKenzie spots Terry, who is dressed up Masked Figure, on a ridge above her, waving a knife. Terry is the RED HERRING.

McKenzie follows more SCREAMS, and finds Tuvelle hiding behind a huge rock.

Tuvelle pleads for McKenzie’s help and says she’s being stalked by a guy in a mask with a knife. Tuvelle points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider that’s nearby. She’s been bitten by the spider and she sprained her ankle.

McKenzie and Tuvelle both try to call 911, but can’t get cell coverage.

Tuvelle encourages McKenzie to try to get to Perilous Peak, which does have cell coverage, rather than trying to make it back to the visitor center, since the lower trails have been washed out and covered with rocks in the rain and rock slides.

Tuvelle says she’ll wait where she’s at for McKenzie to summon help.

Tuvelle, dressed as The Masked Figure, follows McKenzie as she runs into a gold mine to seek shelter from lightning and rain.

Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, runs past the gold mine, brandishing a knife.

As McKenzie goes further into the mine, the Tuvelle, dressed up as the Masked Ghoul, rushes into the mine after McKenzie, brandishing a knife.

Tuvelle, dressed as Masked Figure, crawls out from the rubble by the old support beam and crawls over it and catches up to McKenzie. Tuvelle jumps in an old mine cart and uses the levers to roll behind her.

Tuvelle, dressed up as a Masked Figure, switches the trail signs, causing McKenzie to get even more lost on the way to Perilous Peak.

Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases McKenzie across a rickety, worn bridge over a stream.

When McKenzie falls through the rickety bridge to the stream below and hits scrapes her leg on a rock.

Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, circles back and chases McKenzie through a field, where McKenzie seeks shelter in an old underground WWII bunker, and Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases her, but McKenzie hits Tuvelle with an umbrella, stunning her temporarily, enough to get away and escape the bunker.

McKenzie, despite having vertigo, climbs a tree and spots a trail of a small, hidden valley, where there’s an old Fire Lookout Tower.

McKenzie runs towards the valley, and Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, appears on the edge of the valley, waving the knife.

As McKenzie overcomes her vertigo as she’s climbing the old Fire Lookout Tower, that’s surrounded on all sides by rocks.

Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases her up the tower’s tall outside ladder, but McKenzie kicks her, causing her to fall back and hang perilously from the ladder.

McKenzie keeps running through the old Fire Lookout Tower room, where the ghosts point toward the lost Totem Trail, that glows with green and blue totems, and leads up to the unused backside of Perilous Peak.

As McKenzie hurries down the exit ladder on the other side of the tower, Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases McKenzie as she heads toward the lost Totem Trail.

Mystery 2: Who can be trusted, Tuvelle or Terry or neither of them?

Mystery Chains

McKenzie hears a man’s YELLS behind her and she looks back to see a man, Terry, chasing Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, down the exit ladder.

Terry confronts Tuvelle, who is dressed as the Masked Figure, and tells her to give it up, the joke’s over!

Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, rushes at Terry and kicks him in the shins, then waves the knife, and chases after McKenzie, up the Totem Trail, to the edge of Perilous Peak.

McKenzie pulls herself over the edge and onto the peak, and grabs a large tree branch, and hides behind a large rock.

Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, climbs over the edge, and looks around for McKenzie, and Terry climbs over the edge and lunges at Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul. They struggle on the ground and McKenzie sees her chance and pulls off the Masked Figure’s mask, it’s Tuvelle!

They have the showdown, and Tuvelle explains why she’s been stalking McKenzie, and Terry explains his role, but that he didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.

Tuvelle pushes Terry off Perilous Peak!

Tuvelle tries to push McKenzie off Perilous Peak, McKenzie steps aside and Tuvelle rushes past her and accidentally plunges off the peak to her death.

McKenzie hears Terry’s cries for help. He’s hanging onto a ledge below the peak. She helps him back up and he explains his role again, and they head back towards the visitor center.

2. The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.
The Masked Figure is threatening Tuvelle, and McKenzie tries to help her. Then, the Masked Figured threatens both ladies and they try to escape the evildoer to get to Perilous Peak, where they can get cell coverage and call for help.

However, when Tuvelle is bitten by a black widow spider and becomes ill, McKenzie must fight to survive as she tries to make it to Perilous Peak to call for help for Tuvelle, and she must stay one step ahead of the Masked Figure.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Villain Has a Great Plan!

What I learned doing this assignment is…starting with the Villain’s goal and then reverse engineering the Villain’s plan helped me make sense of my Villain and what she’s all about and will help me crystalize my plot! Also, understanding that the Villain’s plan was created long before Page 1 of my script helps me to keep the whole story in perspective, and to not use flashbacks or backstory! Yeay!

To create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:

1. What is the end goal? Tuvelle wants to kill McKenzie because McKenzie caused her to break her “winning streak” with men and turned her into a loser in front of grandparents.

2. How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way? Stalk McKenzie while she’s hiking to scare her, gain her trust, then push McKenzie off of Perilous Peak, so she falls to her death.

3. How can they cover it up?

· Wears a mask and cloak and stalks McKenzie when she’s going to and from work.

· Follows McKenzie in her car, on her way to work and when McKenzie gets lost on the way to her Mom’s house.

· Follows the Uber driver when he drives McKenzie to the state park.

· Screams on the hiking trails near McKenzie.

· Dresses up as a Masked Figure and switches the trail signs, causing McKenzie to get lost.

· More screams to frighten McKenzie.

· Appears on a ridge as the Masked Figure, and waves a knife, to frighten McKenzie.

· Sobs loudly near the cave.

· Leaves a backpack with bloody stains on it in the cave and a note from Tuvelle saying she’s being chased by a guy with a mask and knife, with her phone number, and to please help!

· The Masked Figure runs outside past the cave, while McKenzie rides out the storm and meets the Off-the-Grid club.

· McKenzie exits the cave and calls Tuvelle’s cell number. Tuvelle says she’s being stalked by a guy with a mask and a knife, then screams and the line goes dead.

· After Terry, the hiker, leaves for the visitor center to get help for Tuvelle, the Masked Figure appears on a ridge above McKenzie, moaning and waving a knife. The figure runs towards her.

· The Masked Figure runs past the gold mine, brandishing a knife. As McKenzie goes further into the mine, the Masked Ghoul rushes into the mine after her.

· The Masked Figure crawls out from the rubble by the old support beam and crawls over it and catches up to McKenzie. He jumps in an old mine cart and uses the levers to roll behind her.

· On the hallowed out log, McKenzie gives Tuvelle her backpack. Tuvelle says she’s being stalked by a Masked Figure and McKenzie says the guy is stalking her too. They should get to Perilous Peak where they can get cell coverage and call for help.

· Tuvelle SCREAMS! She points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider that’s nearby. She’s been bitten by the spider!

· Tuvelle tells McKenzie not to trust Terry, he came back with the cloak and mask! He’s the guy terrorizing them!

· Tuvelle helps McKenzie up to Perilous Peak, and kicks Terry in the head!

· Tuvelle pushes Terry off Perilous Peak!

4. Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.
The covert steps above are listed in sequence.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s SOTL Stacking Suspense

What I learned doing this assignment is…although it took about 4 hours to watch the movie and pause it after each scene, and fill in the Stacking Suspense Chart, it was totally worth it! I learned so much from this process! With this cart, I feel like we’ve been given the “key” to how to write a complex thriller! Yeay!

3. Give us a detailed list of the things you learned from doing this process that can help you write stronger thrillers.

· Clarice Starling, the protagonist, is a complex, deep and interesting character, with a deep wound from her childhood and we feel for her and worry about her. I can see why Jodie Foster wanted to play this part, because it has so much depth, and did an awesome job!

· Hannibal Lecter, Clarice’s helper, is a complex and scary character, deep, violent and mysterious. I can also see why Anthony Hopkins wanted to play this part, because it also has a lot of depth, and he did a great job!

· Buffalo Bill, the antagonist, is pure evil, but complex, flamboyant and interesting, all at the same time. I can also see why Ted Levine wanted to play this creepy character, and he also did a great job.

· The two main supporting characters, Clarice’s boss, Jack Crawford, played by Scott Glenn, and the psychiatric hospital warden, Dr. Chilton, played by Anthony Heald, are interesting characters, especially Dr. Chilton, and I can see why both actors wanted to play them and they also did a great job!

· The other main supporting character, such as the Senator’s daughter who is kidnapped, Catherine Martin, played by Brooke Smith, and Senator Ruth Martin, played by Carol Baker, were interesting, especially Catherine, who fought to stay alive and was very tenacious and resourceful.

· Almost every scene is has Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense, and the stakes are continually raised with each compelling scene! We know that it’s inevitable that Clarice will have come face-to-face with the evil Buffalo in the final showdown, and she will have to kill him or he will kill her!

· The Death Head’s Moth and its transformation from a pupae to a lovely moth is the perfect metaphor for Clarice’s transformation from a young woman with a major wound from her childhood, to a woman who sheds her cocoon, like the chrysalis, and in the end, blossoms into a strong, resilient, fearless warrior, like the chrysalis blossoms into the butterfly.

· I saw this movie when it came out in 1991, and I was so scared, I don’t think I realized how good it is, ha! ha! Now, after watching it years later, with new eyes, and analyzing each scene, I have a new respect for this movie. It’s one of the best modern thrillers ever made, IMHO.

· I think the most interesting part of the story is Clarice’s journey, from a young, brave, FBI cadet with a major wound from her past, to a confident, fearless new FBI academy graduate. Her journey is amazing and it’s worth it to take the journey with her. I cared a lot about her character and worried about her and I wanted to protect her and cheered and prayed for her to succeed and stay safe, and kill Buffalo Bill!

· In addition to the interesting, deep characters, and wonderful plot, the settings are creepy and add to the atmosphere: a frightening psychiatric prison for the criminally insane, the river where they found some of the victims’ bodies, the funeral home, the storage unit, the coroner’s office, the FBI academy, the home of Frederica, Buffalo Bill’s first victim, and the creepiest place of all, Buffalo Bill’s home/chamber of horrors!

· The action in each scene is nonstop and compelling and pulled me into the plot. Once I started the movie, I was glued to the edge of my seat and I couldn’t get up to get a snack or use the restroom!

· I love movie soundtracks and if I like a movie, I will usually purchase the soundtrack, and this soundtrack is spooky, like the soundtrack for Basic Instinct. Both soundtracks add a lot to the spooky atmosphere and enhance the thrills! I’m definitely purchasing both soundtracks!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s BI Stacking Suspense

What
I learned doing this assignment is…the
Stacking Suspense Thriller chart really works! It helps a writer take a complicated
plot and work it out so each scene has Mystery, Intrigue and Suspense (MIS) and
each main character has MIS too.

Here’s what I learned about the Stacking Suspense process from watching Basic
Instinct:
I learned that each scene in this move includes Mystery, Suspense, and/or
Intrigue in each scene. Including most of all of the MIS elements keeps the
interest high and the story flowing quickly. This movie is filled with lots of
irony, which also makes it great because life is full of irony.

There’s the irony when Beth is Nick’s psychologist and his former and on-again,
off-again girlfriend, and the irony that what she says will determine if he
keeps his job. There’s also the irony that Nick is investigating Catherine as a
murder suspect, and he’s also attracted to her, and eventually has an affair
with her.

Here’s what I learned about Thriller in general from watching Basic Instinct:
The opening music and graphics are very mysterious and set the mood. A great
soundtrack can really add to the depth of intrigue in a thriller. Each of the three
main characters have their own MIS, and this adds a lot of depth and interest
to the story.

We have to watch until the end to figure out whodunit and answer all the other
mysteries that have been set up earlier on in the movie. Also, it’s important
to have interesting secondary characters too!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s World and Characters!

What I learned doing this assignment is…by answering the Big MIS questions for each character by filling in the blanks, I’m able to understand my characters even more and make them more intriguing. Also, creating a unique “sub-world” for my story sets it apart from other thrillers and makes it even more thrilling!

TERROR ON THE TOTEM TRAIL

CONCEPT: While hiking on a remote mountain trail, a woman encounters a hysterical woman who asks for her help to evade a masked figure with a knife who begins stalking the two, but the hysterical woman may not be all she appears to be.

Big Mystery: Who is the masked figure and why is he chasing the hero and the other woman?

Big Intrigue: The other woman hired her neighbor to wear a cloak and mask and chase her and the hero around on the trails, to teach the hero a lesson for “stealing” her prospective new boyfriend at a Halloween party.

Big Suspense: Will the hero and the other woman outwit the masked figure and save their own lives? Will the hero outwit the other woman before the other woman kills her and the other woman’s neighbor?

WORLD: A lesser used, haunted area of Cuyamaca Rancho State Park with an abandoned old cave, a haunted gold mine, a haunted underground WWII War Room, haunted fire lookout towers, the lost Totem Trail and Perilous Peak.

HERO: McKenzie
Mystery: Who is the Masked Figure and why is he chasing her with a knife? Who can she trust in the end, the Masked Figure (Todd) or Tuvelle? Will she ever find the lost Totem Trail that leads to her goal, reaching the summit of Perilous Peak?
Intrigue: She is hiding her own secret, of her embarrassment for getting lost leading a group of kids 10 years before to find the lost Totem Trail, and her real reason for wanting to make it to Perilous Peak before the New Year.
Suspense: Will she be killed by the Masked Figure (Todd) or by Tuvelle?

RED
HERRING: The Masked Figure
(Todd)
Mystery: Who is this person? Why is
he wearing a creepy mask, brandishing a knife and chasing Tuvelle and McKenzie?
Intrigue: Todd is the Masked Figure
who brandishes a knife and chases McKenzie and Tuvelle. Todd is Tuvelle’s
neighbor. She is paying him to chase her and McKenzie. His car has been towed and he needs the money to get it out of the pound.
Suspense: Will Tuvelle kill him in
the end? Does he die when Tuvelle pushes him off the cliff? Will McKenzie have the strength to pull him up from where he hangs on the side of the cliff?

VILLAIN: Tuvelle
Mystery: Why is she hiking while she’s
sick with a cold? Can McKenzie trust her or does she have evil intentions? Is
she purposely steering them in the wrong direction, to an isolated area of the
park? Can Todd trust her to pay him?
Intrigue: She’s angry with McKenzie
and resents McKenzie for “stealing her potential new boyfriend” at the
Halloween party, and making her end her “winning streak at the men races,” that
she frequents every three months. She pays Todd, her neighbor, to wear a cloak
and mask and chase herself and McKenzie around the trails, to frighten McKenzie and teach her a
lesson “she’ll wish she could forget.”
Suspense: Will she be killed by the Masked Figure? Will survive the Black
Widow Spider bite? Will she make it off Perilous Peak alive?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Big M.I.S.

What I learned doing this assignment is…by answering the M.I.S. questions, it’s easy to fill in the blanks to figure out the main concept of my thriller. The process works if I keep it simple, short and sweet!

TERROR ON THE TOTEM TRAIL

LOGLINE: While hiking on a remote trail, a woman encounters another woman who is being chased by a masked figure with a knife, and the two must outwit the fiend to stay alive.

1. What are the conventions of your story?

Unwitting
but Resourceful Hero: The hero afraid
of heights, lacks a sense of direction and is too trusting, but she never
gives up and constantly strives to outwit the masked figure. In the end,
the hero must outwit the other woman to save her own life.


Dangerous
Villain: The masked fiend is frightening
and stalks and threatens the hero and the other woman. In the third act,
the other woman, tries to kill the hero and the masked fiend.


High
stakes: The hero and the other woman
are being threatened by a masked figure with a knife.


Life
and death situations: The hero and
the other woman are under constant threat of being killed by the masked
figure who chases them with a knife. In the end, the other woman tries to
kill the hero and the masked figure.


This
story is thrilling because? The
action is non-stop and the hero is constantly being threatened by the
masked figure. She must outwit the evildoer, and then later, she must
outwit the other woman to stay alive.

2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?

Big
Mystery: Who is the masked figure and
why is he chasing the hero and the other woman?

Big Intrigue: The other woman hired her neighbor to wear a cloak and
mask and chase her and the hero around on the trails, to teach the hero a
lesson for “stealing” her prospective new boyfriend at a Halloween party.

Big
Suspense: Will the hero and the
other woman outwit the masked figure and save their own lives? Will the hero
outwit the other woman before the other woman kills her and the other woman’s
neighbor?

[Leona Heraty]

SECRET OBSESSION Thriller Conventions

What I learned doing this assignment is…All thrillers work if they have a big mystery, big intrigue and lots of suspense. Also, for a thriller to grab an audience, we have to care about the hero and despise the villain. The villain has to be pure evil!

2. Watch the movie and as you do, note the conventions of THIS story.

Unwitting
but Resourceful Hero: Yes, the
hero, Jennifer has amnesia from an accident, and is kidnapped by an evil
villain, Russell, who is obsessed with her, but she keeps trying to get away from him and she never gives up.


Dangerous
Villain: Russell is pure evil. He is
obsessed with Jennifer and has killed her parents and husband and another
guy, just so he can have her all to himself, and he’s going to kill her and Detective Page.

High
stakes: Russell has proven he’s a
killer and when Jennifer starts to resist him and try to flee, he’s
threatened to harm her and then killer her.

Life
and death situations: Jennifer is
chased by a guy with a knife (Russell) in the opening scene, then
accidentally hit by a car, where she’s injured and has amnesia. Russell, the villain, kills another man who is investigating Jennifer’s accident and tries to kill Detective Page. When Jennifer starts to regain her memory and catches on to his scheme, Russell threatens to kill her and in the final scene, he holds a gun to her, but she fights back and saves herself and the Detective page and
kills Russell.


This
movie is thrilling because?
It has nonstop action and we care about Jennifer and hope she’ll be OK, as
she faces ever-increasing obstacles and threats from Russell, up to the
final scene.

3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?

Big
Mystery: Can Jennifer remember who she
is? Who is Russell? Is he really her husband?

Big
Intrigue: After Jennifer ends up with amnesia from a car accident, Russell poses as Jennifer’s husband and moves with her into her house. To eliminate her past life, Russell kills her husband and parents, so they can
start fresh as newlyweds. He isolates her in their house, which is in a remote area and takes her cell phone. He evades the nurse who is trying to get in touch with Jennifer to go to rehab and he evades Detective Page, who is on to him.


Big
Suspense: Once Jennifer figures out that
Russell is not her husband, she is under constant threat from him, from
assault to murder. Will she and Detective Page be able to kill Russell
before he kills them both?

4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller? The acting was great and the story had nonstop action. The hero faced many challenging and dangerous situations but she never gave up and kept fighting to get away from Russell and in the end, she killed Russell with his own gun and saved herself and Detective Page. Also, most of the action took place in a remote, isolated house in Northern California, which made the story even more suspenseful.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Everyone!

My name is Leona Heraty.

I’ve written one script, a comedy feature film, which I wrote in the MSC-15 class.

I’m writing my second script in the MSC-15 class, a low-budget thriller with supernatural, spooky elements. I really want to improve my thriller and make the stakes higher for the protagonist and antagonist and make it more exciting overall! So I’m hoping this class will help me do this!

Here’s something unique about me: I volunteer once a week for SoCal Parrot in San Diego County, where I live. SoCal Parrot rescues, rehabs and releases injured and sick parrots that we have here in Southern California. I love volunteering to help animals!

I am also on the Hospitality Committee at my parish, where I help serve coffee and donuts after Sunday Mass, and I really enjoy getting to know my fellow parishioners this way. For me, a life of service to others is a life worth living! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Glad my insights helped, Larry. The book was excellent! It dives deeper into how Seabiscuit and Red were truly underdogs and how their wins inspired a nation during the Great Depression.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Patricia. I’ll email you my scenes in a PDF today. Please email me your scene(s). I look forward to getting and giving feedback. My email is heraty.leona@gmail.com.

😊

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Patricia,

Can you give me your email, and I’ll cut and paste my scenes into it, if that works better for you>

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Patricia. I’m exchanging scenes with Sandeep first, then I can exchange with you after that, if that works. I think the best way to do it is to email the scenes back and forth. I have mine in a PDF, but if you don’t have Word, you could just copy and paste it into the email, no problem. I’ll touch base with you after I’ve gotten feedback from Sandeep. 😎

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Sandeep,
I really prefer email, so I’ll pass, but thanks anyway. 😎

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Sandeep,
I’m not sure how to do this in Twitter….I’ve only posted things that everyone reads. How would I DM you? Do you have email? That would be much easier. I saved it as a PDF but I could copy and paste it into an email if that works.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

Thanks Sandeep. What’s your email? I can’t figure out how to send you a private message. 🤔

Leona

[Leona Heraty]

You’re welcome!

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Larry! I too find that the more I let my story flow, and stop interrupting myself with self-judgement, the better my writing gets and the the writing process is more fun! 😎

[Leona Heraty]

Sandeep, you are not dull! You are a creative person! Keep up the great work! 😎

[Leona Heraty]

Great insight, Rita. I like the idea of a future “map” of the character’s changes and character arc. I find the visual aids to be really helpful!

[Leona Heraty]

I agree, Larry! When our characters surprise us and take the story in a different direction, this opens up all kinds of interesting possibilities. It makes writing more fun too!

[Leona Heraty]

Excellent insights Larry! Thanks for sharing!

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Larry, I too wasn’t that focused on Skylar. The only thing I noticed about her was that she seemed kind and not rude to Chuckie. I too didn’t notice her clothes and I missed the spark of interest between her and Will. Awww…these well written scenes have a lot of depth and are worth rewatching again and again! 😎

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Larry! 😊

[Leona Heraty]

Thanks so much, Robert! I really appreciate your kind words.

I’m having fun with it. I’m inspired by some of my favorite sci-fi bug/monster movies from the 1950s…Them! (1954), It Came from Outer Space (1953), The Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954), Tarantula (1955) and many more! Ha! Ha! 😎

[Leona Heraty]

You’re welcome! I hope my ideas help. We can do it! Onwards and upwards! 😎

Leona

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Robert!

I too was short on pages…so I went back to my third and fourth acts and added more hoops for my hero to jump through. I’m writing a family sci-fi comedy, Tara Vs the Termo-Lytes. It’s an homage and spoof on the wonderful sci-fi bug movies in the 1950s.

I’m now at about 92 pages, in a Word doc. When I transfer the Word doc to Final Draft, I’m hoping that will increase the pages to at least 100, because I know the first “shitty” draft is overwritten (which is fine) and it will need lots of streamlining, etc. So I’m hoping if I can get it to 100 pages, I’ll have more to work with.

So, in summary, after coming up short on pages, I reread my script and realized I just needed to add in more challenges for my protagonist, Tara, as she battles the mutant termites, AKA the Termo-Lytes, and make the challenges progressively more difficult until the final conflict. Hope this helps! Keep up the great work! We can do it! 😀

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Pat. I would love to exchange outlines with you!

Lori Lance gave me some excellent feedback on the first round, so I’d love your feedback on round 2.

I’m writing a family comedy. Your concept sounds like a lot of fun! My email is heraty.leona@gmail.com.😎

[Leona Heraty]

OK. Are you also including the Scene Arc, Essence, etc?

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Lori,
I can’t figure out how to do the IM. My email is heraty.leona@gmail.com.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Lori,

That’s great! I’ll send you an IM with my email.

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Teresa!
It’s great to have another MSC-15 in this class! Hope you’re doing well! Keep up the great work! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi CJ!

It’s great to see you again! I hope you’re doing well and that Success Masters is good too! I really enjoyed my time in your group! Cheers! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Andrew!

It’s great to see you again! I hope all is well with you and that Success Masters is going well too. I really enjoyed my time there! Cheers! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Tina!

I will connect with you on Facebook and LinkedIn. Cheers to us! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi John!

It’s great to have a fellow MSC-15 alum in our class! Yeay for us! Cheers! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Sandra!

It’s great to see you again! I hope you’re doing well and Success Masters is good too! Cheers! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Jane!
It’s great to see you again! I hope all is going well for you and the Success Masters is doing well too! Cheers! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Cherami!

It’s great to have a fellow MSC-15 alum in our class! Your trek up Mt. Everest is so inspirational! Keep up the great work! Cheers! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Susan!
It’s great to have a fellow MSC-15 alum in our class! Yeay for us! Cheers! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Mary!

It’s great you’re in this class too! I really enjoyed my time in Success Masters! Cheers to us! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Elizabeth,

It’s great you’re in this class too! I hope all is well with you and Success Masters. I had to drop out of the group as I’m trying to juggle too much stuff, but I really enjoyed my time there and may rejoin in the future. Cheers! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Congratulations on your retirement, Claire! Whoohooo! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

God bless you, Claudia! You are a true survivor and an inspiration! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Jill,

That’s wonderful that you’re back to good health an focused on fulfilling your dreams. Keep up the great work! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Bobby!

It’s great to have another MSC-15 alum in our class! Cheers!

[Leona Heraty]

That’s so cool, Claudia! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Jerry,

That’s awesome that you and your family raise service dogs, how wonderful! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Peter!

I’m glad you’re in this class! I hope all is well with you! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Eclipse!
It’s great to see another MSC-15 alumni in this class! 🙂

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Gregory,

We don’t need to upload our script here…just post assignment 1 here. Hope this helps.

Leona

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Roscoe, would you like to exchange feedback?

[Leona Heraty]

Hi Melanie, I love your term “cool road map!” Your villain and his devious plan sound intriguing! Keep up the great work! 🙂

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Leona Heraty]

I’m not sure, Kathy. I was wondering the same thing.