Lesley Harter
Forum Replies Created
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Lesley’s Thriller Map vs. 1
What I learned: How to turn the original thriller map into scene descriptions so that I have a ‘bare bones’ outline of my plot.
THRILLER MAP vs. 1
1. EXT. FOCUS MAGAZINE LOBBY – DAY
All Los Angeles glam and gloss. Focus magazine covers float by on the giant display behind a striking-looking RECEPTIONIST.
2. INT. FOCUS OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
The opposite of glam. Dirty carpet, phosphorescent lights, general chaos. SAMANTHA REICHEK (Sam) is crammed into one of the overflowing cubicles when her phone rings.
3. INT./EXT. ETHAN’S OFFICE – LATER
Sam knocks on the Editor’s door and is waved in by ETHAN LONG. There’s tension between them; Ethan is very ‘handsy.’ Ethan assigns Sam to write a story on Christian Sparrow. Sparrow spent five years in prison for killing his wife when his life sentence was overturned after blood expert Justin Lambert in the trial plead guilty to tampering with evidence. Ethan gives Sam the name of Tracy Jenowitz, Sparrow’s attorney, and tells her to set up the interview.
4. INT. SAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Sam is on her laptop, reading an article on the Sparrow trial. He was a successful investor before his arrest. Christian’s wife Nicole was having an affair with neighbor JOHN ROSSMOOR when she died — John was the initial suspect but he was never charged. Sam scrolls down, her eyes land on the heavily bearded face of CHRISTIAN SPARROW.
5. EXT. FREEWAY – DAY
A gray Subaru with Sam in the passenger seat, makes its way down the congested freeway. The car’s driver is Focus photographer BRIAN WASHINGTON. Brian implies that Sam is the wrong person for the assignment — Her brother Frank was killed in a prison fight after Martha turned him in for stealing money from her to buy drugs.
6. INT./EXT. VALLEY HOUSE – LATER
Brian parks the Subaru in front of a modest house with an old Ford in the driveway. TRACY JENOWITZ opens the front door, invites Sam and Bryan inside. They find CHRISTIAN SPARROW, working in the garden. He’s clean shaven now and has lost some of his prison bulk. Christian explains that the house belongs to an old college roommate who “owes him.” The interview goes well although Tracy appears to be very familiar and possessive with Christian.
7. INT. SAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Sam looks up the owner of the Valley House. It belongs to “Rick Passero.”
8. INT. VALLEY HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Christian sits at a battered desk with an ancient computer on top of it. He googles “Sam Reichek,” and discovers that Sam is from “old money,” has one daughter, a deceased younger brother, and no signs of a husband.
9. INT./EXT. VALLEY HOUSE – NIGHT
The doorbell rings and Christian opens it. Tracy struts in, throws down a copy of Sam’s positive article, and accuses Christian of flirting with Sam. He warns Tracy that he’s done with her — and, if she ever contacts him or Sam again, he’ll get Tracy disbarred for inappropriate sexual contact during the trial.
10. INTERCUT: SAM’S CUBICLE/VALLEY HOUSE GARDEN
Christian calls Sam, thanks her for the article, and invites her to lunch. She declines.
11. INT. SAM’S CUBICLE – DAY
Sam calls Christian back and accepts the lunch invitation. Brian disapproves and reveals that Sam’s brother Frank went to prison after Martha turned him in for robbing her to pay for drugs. He was killed in a prison fight.
12. EXT. MEXICAN FOOD TRUCK – DAY
Sam and Christian enjoy the “best burritos in Los Angeles.” The chemistry between the two is obvious.
13. INT. SAM’S CUBICLE – DAY
Sam gets an anonymous email warning her to stay away from Christian Sparrow.
14. INT. SAM’S CUBICLE – DAY
15. INT. /EXT. CAFÉ – DAY
Christian calls Sam at work, wants to see her again. Frightened by the email, she declines. Christian acts understanding, but when he hangs up, you see the anger in his face.
16. EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – DAY
Christian follows Sam around town, studying her from the shadows.
17. INT./EXT. CINEMA – NIGHT
Christian “accidentally” runs into Sam at the movies.
18. EXT. CINEMA OUTDOOR CAFÉ – LATER
Sam and Christian have coffee. Sam tells Christian about the email. He tells her that a jealous Tracy sent it. Christian accuses Sam of thinking that he killed his wife and storms out.
19. INTERCUT – SAM’S BEDROOM/ VALLEY HOUSE BEDROOM – NIGHT
Christian call Sam to apologize. They talk intimately and the connection feels deep… After all, he’s been studying her. Soon, Sam and Christian are now talking every night. The conversations are getting flirty. Sam invites Christian to dinner at her house.
20. INT. SAM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
21. Sam and Christian talk and enjoy dinner, and soon, they’re making love – only to be interrupted when KELSEY REICHEK, Sam’s daughter, appears unannounced. It’s awkward and Christian leaves.
22. INT. SAM’S KITCHEN – MORNING
Sam and Kelsey fight. Kelsey accuses Sam of being desperate to sleep with Christian – she knows who he is because she read the interview. Sam learns that Kelsey, a college dropout, was fired from the boutique she worked in after berating a customer, and thrown out of her apartment for back rent.
23. INT. /EXT. MARTHA’S ESTATE – DAY
Sam and Kelsey visit MARTHA PHILLIPS, Sam’s mom, who is an alcoholic. Martha’s relationship with Sam is frosty but she adores Kelsey. When Kelsey tells Martha that Sam is screwing a murderer, Martha accuses Sam of doing it to get back at her for putting Frank in prison.
24. INT. SAM’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
At dinner, Christian tries and fails to charm Kelsey who’s moved back in.
25. INT. SAM’S HOUSE – DAY
Christian is under the sink fixing a clogged grain when Sam comes home, tells him that she has to go out of town on an assignment. Sam leaves. Kelsey comes home and gets drunk with Christian. Christian finds out that Sam is broke because Sam refused her inheritance, and Kelsey is the one with money — At least, she will be in 6 months when she turns 21 and receives her trust fund money. They fall into bed – Sam’s bed – and have headbanging sex. Christian says he hates children.
26. INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
On assignment, Sam checks her email and finds a second anonymous email. This time it says Christian Sparrow is a serial killer. Stay away from him unless you want to be his next victim. “
27. INT. SAM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Sam returns from her trip. Both Christian and Kelsey are gone. Kelsey calls Sam: Kelsey and Christian have eloped.
28. INT. SAM’S HOUSE – DAY
A fight erupts when Kelsey comes to pick up her clothes. Sam wants to get the marriage annulled. Kelsey informs Sam that there’s no prenup.
29. INT. VALLEY HOUSE – DAY
Kelsey is on the phone with her grandmother and very agitated. She slams the phone down, tells Christian that her grandma is going to revoke Kelsey’s trust fund because of the marriage — and Kelsey won’t inherit a dime. Kelsey says she’d be better off if Martha died before she could change the trust … If Martha dies before Kelsey turned 21, Kelsey’s inheritance would become immediately available to her.
30. INT. MARTHA’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Kelsey and Christian visit Martha at her mansion but it’s clear that she’s going to revoke the trust as soon as her attorney is back from vacation next week.
31. INT. VALLEY HOUSE BEDROOM – MORNING
Christian steps out of the shower. Kelsey informs him that she’s going to the gym.
32. INT./EXT. MARTHA’S MANSION – LATER
Christian breaks in, finds Martha passed out upstairs, an empty bottle of Scotch on her bed stand. He suffocates her with a pillow.
33. INT. FOCUS OFFICE – DAY
Sam is called into the conference room where Detective MISHA DIMITRI informs her that Martha is dead – the maid found her. An autopsy is underway. Sam is convinced that Christian killed Martha.
34. EXT. VALLEY HOUSE – LATER
Kelsey opens the front door. Sam walks in, tells Kelsey that Martha is dead and says Christian killed her. Kelsey asks her to leave.
35. INT. SAM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Detective Dimitri calls Sam, informs her that there’s no evidence of foul play in Martha’s death.
36. INT./EXT. CANYON HOUSE – DAY
A “SOLD” sign stands in front of spectacular. A brand new Porsche is parked in the driveway.
Christian opens the front door and carries Kelsey over the threshold. The make love in the living room with its breath-taking view of the ocean.
37. INT. TRACY’S OFFICE – DAY
Sam begs Tracy for help. Tracy apologizes but says she can’t help Sam.
38. EXT. FOCUS – DAY
Clive is sitting on a bench, eating a sandwich when Sam appears. She gives him Rick Passero’s address and asks Clive to find out how to reach him. She tells Clive that Passero is probably in his mid-thirties – early forties and may have gotten into trouble in college.
39. INT. SAM’S CUBICLE – LATER
Sam gets an unexpected call from Tracy who tells her to talk to Justin Lambert, the incarcerated blood expert found guilty of evidence tampering – Lambert, who pleaded guilty, had always maintained that he didn’t manipulate the blood evidence in the Sparrow trial.
40. INT. ETHAN’S OFFICE – LATER
Sam informs Ethan that she’s taking time off to arrange Martha’s funeral.
41. INT. PRISON VISITING ROOM – DAY
Sam meets with Justin Lambert. He assures her that he never messed with the evidence in the Sparrow case – He didn’t have to; Sparrow was guilty as hell.
42. EXT. CHRISTIAN’S OLD NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Sam studies the upscale house where Nicole Sparrow died. HOLLY RANIER, the neighbor across the street, walks over… tells Sam that, shortly before Nicole died, she’d heard Christian and Nicole fighting over Nicole’s pregnancy – Christian wanted her to get an abortion. Holly points to the house next to Christian’s – it’s where John Rossmoor, Nicole’s suspected lover, lives. John is a librarian at the Ridgestone Public Library in the Valley, but she thinks it’s his day off.
43. EXT. ROSSMOOR HOUSE – LATER
Sam rings the doorbell and JOHN ROSSMOOR opens it a crack. When she starts to introduce herself, he tells her that he knows who she is. She tells him that she knows that he’s the one whose been sending the anonymous emails. John smiles then closes the door.
44. INT. SAM’S CUBICLE – DAY
Clive sticks his head in. He’s tracked down Rick Passero: He’s 71 years old and living at Sunrise Assisted Living in Bakersfield.
45. INT. SUNRISE ASSISTED LIVING – DAY
Sam meets with Rick Passero who has Stage 4 lung cancer. When she asks how he knows Christian, Rick explains that Christian Sparrow is his son Christopher Passero – “Passero” means “Sparrow” in Italian.
46. INT. SAM’S HOME OFFICE – NIGHT
Sam googles “Christopher Passero” — discovers that he was engaged to Cecelia Meza who went missing and was never found.
47. EXT. DINER – NIGHT
Sam sits at a wooden table across from waitress OLIVIA MEZA. Olivia tells Sam that daughter Cecelia was pregnant when she disappeared. No charges were made, but Olivia’s convinced that “Chris” killed her because she was pregnant. Olivia also reveals that when Chris was seven, he ‘accidentally’ killed his newborn brother because he was jealous of the attention the infant was getting.
48. INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
Kelsey and Christian finish ordering. Kelsey toasts Christian, tells him that he’s going to have a son. Christian, enraged, tells her to “Get rid of it,” and walks out of the restaurant, leaving her stranded.
49. INT. CANYON HOUSE – LATER
Christian and Kelsey have an enormous fight. When Kelsey walks away, Christian grabs her by the arm, spraining it.
50. INT. POLICE STATION CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Sam meets with Det. Dimitry, tells him everything she’s found out and says he needs to arrest Christian. He tells her that there’s no reason to arrest Christian.
51. INT. SAM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Kelsey comes over, arm in a sling, and hysterical… She tells Sam that she’s pregnant and Christian is furious. Kelsey confesses that she thinks Martha is dead because she wished it. Sam begs Kelsey to stay with her but Kelsey goes home.
52. INT. GUN STORE – DAY
Sam buys a small pistol. There’s a 10-day waiting period before she can take the gun home.
53. INT. CANYON HOUSE MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT
In the middle of the night, Christian stumbles in, drunk and belligerent. Kelsey accuses him of screwing around, says she’s going to divorce him. He tells her to go ahead; California is a “No Fault” divorce state and he’s entitled to fifty percent of Martha’s money.
54. INT. SAM’S HOUSE – DAY
Sam opens the door and Kelsey rushes in. She tells Sam that she’s afraid Christian is going to kill her and the unborn baby. After Kelsey promises to lock the doors and not leave the house, Sam retrieves the gun she bought and leaves.
55. INT. CANYON HOUSE – LATER
Christian opens the front door. Sam walks in.
56. INT. CANYON HOUSE LIVING ROOM – LATER
Sam confronts Christian with everything she knows and tells him that she’s going to the police. When he approaches, she draws the gun on him but Christian knocks it out of her hand, starts choking her. Kelsey walks in. Christian throws Sam against the wall and she collapses. He goes after Kelsey but she manages to get a hold of the gun and points it at him. Christian lunges at Kelsey and Kelsey shoots him in the leg. Christian is in pain and immobilized. Sam finds her phone, is dialing “911” when she hears the second shot: Kelsey has just killed Christian in cold blood.
SEVEN YEARS LATER:
57. INT. CANYON HOUSE – POOLSIDE – DAY
Kelsey is throwing a party to celebrate Sam’s promotion to Editor (Ethan was fired for sexual harassment) and son DANNY’s seventh birthday. Danny, who looks like a young Christian, is indifferent when Kelsey gives him a tiny puppy with a big bow around its neck… In fact, he seems indifferent and superior to everything that’s going on. Later, Danny unsuccessfully tries to drown a smaller kid, and gets caught trying to light the puppy’s tail on fire… Kinda makes you wonder if Danny is a psychopath like his father.
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Lesley Misdirects…When Appropriate!
What I learned:
– The significance and types of misdirection.
– Misdirection Rocks!
LESLEY’S THRILLER MAP
OPENING: Sam’s editor at the magazine assigns her to interview Christian Sparrow who caught “life” for killing his wife but was released after the blood expert who investigated his case goes to prison for corrupting evidence in his cases to get convictions.
Mystery 1: Why did Sam catch this assignment?
Mystery 2: Does editor have it in for Sam?
Clue: Sam was an investigative reporter before going to work for the magazine.
Mystery 3: Why has Christian agreed to be interviewed?
Mystery 4: Did Christian murder his wife?
Intrigue: Why does Christian refuse to be interviewed until he googles Sam and reads about her wealthy family?
Clue: He’s after Sam’s money.
Suspense: Is Christian guilty or innocent? He was released on a technicality
Reveal 1: Sam rejected her editor’s sexual advances and he’s making her pay.
Reveal 2: Something bad happened to Sam’s brother.
Mystery: Before his incarceration, Christian was a very successful investor. How he got the money to start with is unknown.
Misdirection: Christian’s wife Nicole was having an affair with neighbor JOHN ROSSMOOR when she died — John was the initial suspect but he was never charged.
INCITING INCIDENT: Sam meets Christian.
Direction: Sam expects Christian Sparrow to be thug.
Twist: He’s educated, insightful, sensitive, and very attractive.
Clue: Christian can be extremely charming.
Mystery 5: What is Christian’s relationship with Tracy, his attorney?
Twist 2:
Direction: Tracy is the pro-bono attorney responsible for getting Christian’s sentence overturned.
Twist: She’s sleeping with him.
Villain’s Plan 1: Christian knows that Sam comes from wealth. He needs to get her to trust him.
Reveal 3:
S: What will Christian be like? (He’s bearded, pumped up, and thuggish-looking in his prison photo’s.)
R: Christian is slim, shaven, good-looking, and educated.
M: Why doesn’t Tracy like Sam?
Misdirection: In-house investigator CLIVE WASHINGTON tells Sam that the threatening email was sent from the Ridgestone Public Library in the Valley. Tracy lives in the Valley.
M2: Who is the mysterious friend who loaned Christian the house and “owes him”?
Reveal 4:
I: Tracy is jealous; accuses Christian of flirting with Sam.
I2: Christian threatens to have Tracy disbarred if she doesn’t stay away from him.
R: Tracy and Christian are sleeping together.
Clue: Christian threatens Tracy.
Mystery 6: Is Sam going to write a positive or negative article? How will Christian react?
Twist 4: (NEW)
Direction: Sam is determined to write an objective article.
Twist: Sam is not objective – Her brother went to prison for stealing money from his mother to buy drugs and he was killed while incarcerated.
Clue: Sam has a bias against the legal system
Life Threatening 2: Christian decides to make Sam his next victim.
Twist 5:
Direction: Sam declines Christian’s invitation to dinner.
Clue: Sam has fits of rage
Twist: A few days later, she re-invites herself.
Twist 6:
Direction: Sam ‘s attraction to Christian deepens.
Clue: Sam believes Christian’s innocent.
Twist: Sam gets an anonymous email warning her to stay away from him and panics.
TURNING POINT 1: Sam falls for Christian.
Villain’s plan 2: Christian follows Sam; studies her.
Life-threatening 3: Christian sets Sam up to be seduced.
Mystery 7: Why does Sam trust Christian?
Direction: Sam stops seeing Christian after the email.
Twist: Christian ‘bumps’ into her at the cinema…
Clue: He’s stalking her.
Twist 7: Christian seduces Sam,
Reveal 6:
I: Sam, frightened by the email, stops all communication with Christian and he’s angry.
I2: Christian starts following Sam, studying her.
S: What is Christian going to do?
R: Sam is drawn back into Christian’s web when he ‘accidentally’ runs into her at the cinema.
Clue: Sam is falling for Christian
S2: Has Sam become Christian’s prey?
R2: Sam sleeps with Christian.
R3: Kelsey shows up.
MIDPOINT: Sam betrays Christian.
Life threatening 4: Christian sleeps with Sam’s daughter.
Villain’s plan 3: Christian realizes that Sam has no money but her daughter Kelsey will get her trust fund money when she turns nineteen.
Reveal 6:
M: Who is Sam’s daughter Kelsey? Why does she return home?
I: Kelsey dislikes Christian and wants to undermine his relationship with Sam.
R: Kelsey is spoiled, narcissistic, and troubled.
Clue: Kelsey wants to hurt Sam… She wants to undermine Sam’s relationship with Christian.
M2: Why did Sam refuse her inheritance?
R2: Martha, Kelsey’s grandmother is controlling and an alcoholic.
R3: When Sam’s younger brother stole money from Martha to buy drugs, Martha had him arrested and put in prison. He was killed during a prison fight.
Reveal 8:
S: What will Christian do now that he knows Sam has no money and Kelsey will be rich when she turns 21?
Clue: Christian targets Kelsey. He’s after her money.
I: Is there sexual energy between Kelsey and Christian?
R: Christian and Kelsey have sex.
R2: Christian & Kelsey elope.
Clue: No pre-nup. Is Kelsey really in love with Christian?
M: Why doesn’t Christian want children?
Clue: He resented his mother’s pregnancy and the birth of his little brother.
R3: Sam starts investigating. What will she find out?
TURNING POINT 2: Christian elopes with Kelsey; no pre-nup.
Mystery 8: Why is Kelsey so angry?
Mystery 9: Is Kelsey really in love with Christian or is she trying to punish her mother?
Direction: Kelsey, Sam’s hot-mess daughter, can’t stand Christian.
Twist: She ends up sleeping with him.
Life threatening 5: Sam is determined to find out the truth about Christian.
Life threatening 6: Sam gets another anonymous text
Twist 9:
Direction: Kelsey is about to receive all of the money her grandma Martha’s put in her trust.
Twist: Martha is going to void trust because of Kelsey’s marriage.
Twist 10
Direction: Kelsey loves her grandma
Twist: Kelsey thinks that she’d be better off if Martha was dead.
Life threatening 7: Sam discovers that Christian may have killed his fiancé who disappeared shortly after she announced that she was pregnant.
Reveal 9:
M: Who does the house that Christian had been living in belong to?
I: Sam finds out that the house is owned by a Rick Passero
R: Rick Passero is Christian’s father – he’s in hospice for stage 4 lung cancer. Christian changed his name from Passero (Sparrow in Italian)
Clues:
– Christian’s real name is Christopher Passero.
– Christian Passero filed for a marriage license to marry Donna Morales
– Olivia Morales, Donna’s mother, believes Christian killed Donna after she got pregnant.
Reveal 10:
S: Martha is going to change Kelsey’s trust – Kelsey will not receive her inheritance when she turns 21.
I: Kelsey tells Christian that she’d be better off if Martha was dead.
S2: Christian learns that death by suffocation is the hardest to prove. Now what is he going to do?
R: Christian kills Martha.
Reveal 11:
M: Was Kelsey responsible for Martha’s death?.
Clue: Kelsey believes that she’s responsible for Martha’s death.
I: Sam believes that Christian killed Martha.
R: The autopsy does not reveal foul play.
Misdirection: When Sam tells Kelsey that her grandmother is dead, Kelsey’s face is expressionless. When Sam accuses Christian of killing Martha, Kelsey is furious and throws her out.
Misdirection: Kelsey goes on a shopping spree with trust fund money.
Reveal 12:
S: Sam visits convicted blood expert Lambert in prison.
R: Lambert says that he didn’t touch the evidence in Christian’s case; he didn’t have to because Christian is guilty as hell.
Reveal 13:
S: Sam discovers that Christian’s pregnant fiance went missing and was never found.
I: Sam visits the mother of the missing girl at her home in the valley. She’s convinced that Christian murdered her daughter when she refused to get an abortion.
R: Christian, at seven, ‘accidentally’ killed his baby brother.
Clue: Christian resented his mother’s pregnancy.
R2: The dead girl’s mother was sending the emails.
Reveal 14:
I: Kelsey is pregnant.
Clue: Kelsey defies Christian’s wishes.
M: Why would Kelsey get pregnant against Christian’s wishes?
S: When Christian finds out, he’s furious. What will he do?
Clue: He’s no longer acting “nice.”
R: Christian grabs Kelsey’s arm hard enough to sprain it and leave bruises.
R2: Sam finds out what Christian did to Kelsey and buys a gun.
Twist 11
Direction: Sam believes that Tracy is sending the emails
Twist 12
Direction: Christian said that the house he was staying in belonged to a friend from college who owed him.
Twist: The ‘friend from college’ turns out to be his father who is in hospice care (Christian changed his name.) Turns out, a seven-year-old Christian ‘accidentally’ killed his younger brother in a jealous fit.
Life threatening 9: Martha dies under unexplained circumstances before she can change her will.
Misdirection: Kelsey buys a luxury home with some of her trust fund money
Life threatening 10: Sam discovers that Christian may have killed his fiancé who disappeared shortly after she announced that she was pregnant.
Life threatening 11: Kelsey is pregnant.
Clue: Christian was fighting with his wife over her getting an abortion when she “tripped and fell down the stairs.”
Mystery 10: Why did Kelsey get pregnant when she knew that Christian didn’t want children?
Misdirection:
Twist 13
Direction: Christian said that the house he was staying in belonged to a friend from college who owed him.
Twist: The ‘friend from college’ turns out to be his father. (Christian changed his name when he was 18)
Twist 14
Direction: Sam meets with Blood spatter expert Justin Lambert who admits that he doctored results on multiple cases.
Twist: Lambert swears that he never doctored evidence in Christian’s case.
Life threatening 12: When Christian finds out that Kelsey is pregnant, he’s enraged and shakes her hard enough to leave marks.
Life threatening 13: Sam realizes that Christian is going to kill Kelsey as soon as he can get away with it.
Life threatening 14: Sam buys a gun.
CLIMAX: Sam confronts Christian. Christian attacks Sam. Kelsey kills him.
Life threatening 15: Sam warns Christian to keep his hands off Kelsey, confronts him with everything she knows, says she’s going to tell the cops everything.
Life threatening 16: Sam draws her gun but Christian lunges at her and the gun is knocked out of her hand.
Twist 15
Direction: Sam & Christian are alone because Kelsey is in class
Twist: Kelsey comes home unexpectedly, picks up Sam’s gun, points it at Christian.
Direction: Christian is cornered; Kelsey has Sam’s gun trained on him. Sam starts to call 911….
Twist: Kelsey shoots Christian in cold blood.
Mystery 11: Why does Kelsey kill Christian when she has a gun trained on him and Sam’s calling 911?
RESOLUTION: Kelsey’s son’s fifth birthday…. Christian is dead, Sam is now editor of the magazine & Kelsey’s son is healthy.
TWIST 17 (NEW)
Direction: All is well that ends well.
Twist: Is the kid a psychopath like his dad?
Reveal 15:
I: Editor is fired.
M: Why is the editor fired?
R: Sam is the new editor of the mag.
Reveal 16:
R: It’s Kelsey’s son Teddy’s fifth birthday.
M: What’s wrong with Teddy?
R2: Teddy is a psychopath like his dad (and possibly his mother.)
TRUST RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Main characters.
Hero: SAM
Villain: CHRISTIAN
Villian #2: KELSEY
Red Herring Character: TRACY
2. With each character, ask these questions:
A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable?
SAM: Trustable
CHRISTIAN: Not trustable
KELSEY: Not trustable
TRACY: Trustable
B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?
CHRISTIAN: Appears trustable but isn’t… In the beginning he is loving, gentle & and generous with Sam (then Kelsey) but he’s a predator.
KELSEY: Appears untrustable but isn’t…. Kelsey is a hot mess who is intentionally cruel to Sam (and may wish her grandmother was dead) but she is devastated by the loss of her grandmother & she risks her life to save Sam’s.
TRACY: Appears untrustable but isn’t ….Tracy behaved inappropriately by having a sexual relationship with Christian when she was defending him during his trial.
C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?
SAM: Trustable… but will stop at nothing to protect her daughter.
CHRISTIAN: Not trustable… but pretends to be in order to seduce his prey.
KELSEY: Not trustable… but realizes what she’s done and saves Sam.
TRACY: She appears untrustable and intent on derailing Sam’s relationship with Christian – until she risks Christian’s anger by warning Sam that she’s in danger.
3. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.
D = Distrust T = Trust
Sam/Christian: (Hero/Villain)
D: Sam believes that Christian may have murdered his wife.
T: Sam meets Christian and discovers that he’s not a thug.
T: Sam believes that Christian’s relationship with Tracy is professional.
D: Sam finds out that Christian was sleeping with Tracy.
T: Sam discovers that she & Christian share the same values, dreams, and desires.
D: Sam gets ‘warning’ email about Christian.
T: Christian charms Sam into falling for him by mirroring her.
D: Christian betrays Sam by having sex with Kelsey.
D: Christian elopes with Kelsey.
D: Sam realizes that Christian was playing her for her money then targets Kelsey when he realizes that Sam rejected her family’s wealth.
D: Christian kills Martha.
D: Sam discovers that a seven-year-old Christian killed his baby brother.
D: Sam discovers that Christian may have killed his pregnant ex-fiance.
D: Sam discovers that Christian did murder his wife.
D: Christian hurts Kelsey and Sam is convinced that he will kill both of them as soon as he can pull it off without getting caught.
Christian/Sam: (Villain/Hero)
T: Christian knows that Sam is rich.
D: Christian discovers that Sam renounced her mother’s wealth because of what Martha did to Sam’s brother.
T: Kelsey will receive her trust fund money when she turns 20.
T: Christian believes that he has control of Kelsey.
D: Kelsey gets pregnant against his wishes.
D: Sam accuses him of killing Martha.
D: Sam threatens Christian, reveals everything she’s learned and is going to the police.
D: Sam pulls a gun on Christian.
Kelsey/Christian (Villain #2/Villian
D: Kelsey thinks Christian is exploiting Sam.
T: Kelsey has sex with Christian.
T: Kelsey elopes with Christian.
T: No pre-nup.
D: Christian turns on her when she gets pregnant.
D: Did Christian kill Kelsey’s grandmother?
D: Kelsey kills him.
Kelsey/Sam: (Villian #2/Hero)
D: Kelsey blames Sam for rejecting Martha’s money.
D: Kelsey blames Sam for not having a father.
T: Kelsey believes that her mother will always be there for her no matter what she does.
D: Kelsey believes that Sam is punishing her for taking away Christian.
T: Kelsey realizes that Sam is only trying to protect her.
T: Kelsey risks her life to save Sam’s.
Sam/Kelsey: (Hero/Villian #2)
D: Sam knows that Kelsey is fucked-up.
T: Sam thinks that having Kelsey back home will be good for Kelsey.
D: Kelsey has sex with Christian.
D: Kelsey elopes with Christian.
D: Kelsey gets pregnant.
T: Kelsey comes to her senses about Christian.
T: Kelsey saves Sam’s life.
Sam/Tracy: (Hero/Red Herring):
T: Tracy got Christian’s sentence reversed.
D: Tracy is sleeping with Christian
D: Tracy is sending warning emails about Christian to Sam because she’s jealous and wants to undermine the relationship.
T: Tracy did not send the emails.
T: Tracy risks her own safety to help Sam.
THE MAIN MYSTERIES:
MAIN MYSTERY #1: Is Christian a psychopath?
Clues:
– Christian wasn’t proven innocent; his verdict was overturned because of tainted evidence.
– Before his incarceration, Christian was a very successful investor. How he got the money to start with is unknown.
– Someone sends Sam an anonymous email warning her to stay away from Christian.
– Christian follows Sam and studies her. What’s he up to?
– He can be extremely charming.
– He has fits of rage.
– He’s after Sam’s money.
– He’s after Kelsey’s money.
– His pregnant ex-fiancé went missing.
– He ‘accidentally’ killed his baby brother when he was seven.
– He was fighting with his wife over her getting an abortion when she “tripped and fell down the stairs.”
MAIN MYSTERY #2: Can Sam solve the mystery & stop Christian from killing again?
Clues:
– Sam was an investigative reporter before going to work for the magazine.
– Something bad happened to Sam’s brother.
– Sam’s convinced that Christian is innocent.
– Kelsey elopes with Christian.
– Sam tracks down Rick Passero.
– Christian’s real name is Christopher Passero.
– Christian Passero filed for a marriage license to marry Donna Morales
– Olivia Morales, Donna’s mother, believes Christian killed Donna after she got pregnant.
– Sam tracks down Jason Lambert.
– Kelsey is pregnant.
– Sam buys a gun.
MAIN MYSTERY #3: Is Kelsey trustworthy or untrustworthy?
Clues:
– Kelsey dropped out of college and was just fired from her job in boutique.
– Kelsey returns home because she has been thrown out of her apartment because of back rent.
– Kelsey tries to undermine Sam’s relationship with Christian.
– Kelsey seduces Christian.
– Kelsey elopes with Christian. No pre-nup.
– Does Kelsey want Martha dead?
– Kelsey defies Christian and gets pregnant.
– Kelsey saves Sam.
– Kelsey kills Christian in cold blood after she’s out of danger.
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Lesley Gives Great Clues!
What I learned:
– I discovered that I wasn’t clear on what the main mysteries are in my plot.
– The assignment made me realize that I needed to revise my thinking on several characters and their trajectories.
– Each of Hal’s ‘filters’ helps me dive deeper into character and plot development.
– That I hadn’t focused enough on developing clues.
– Some of the challenges I’m having may be related to the fact that I’m going to be writing a psychological thriller.
THE MAIN MYSTERIES:
MAIN MYSTERY #1: Is Christian a psychopath?
Clues:
– Christian wasn’t proven innocent; his verdict was overturned because of tainted evidence.
– Before his incarceration, Christian was a very successful investor. How he got the money to start with is unknown.
– Someone sends Sam an anonymous email warning her to stay away from Christian.
– Christian follows Sam and studies her. What’s he up to?
– He can be extremely charming.
– He has fits of rage.
– He’s after Sam’s money.
– He’s after Kelsey’s money.
– His pregnant ex-fiancé went missing.
– He ‘accidentally’ killed his baby brother when he was seven.
– He was fighting with his wife over her getting an abortion when she “tripped and fell down the stairs.”
MAIN MYSTERY #2: Can Sam solve the mystery & stop Christian from killing again?
Clues:
– Sam was an investigative reporter before going to work for the magazine.
– Something bad happened to Sam’s brother.
– Sam’s convinced that Christian is innocent.
– Kelsey elopes with Christian.
– Sam tracks down Rick Passero.
– Christian’s real name is Christopher Passero.
– Christian Passero filed for a marriage license to marry Donna Morales
– Olivia Morales, Donna’s mother, believes Christian killed Donna after she got pregnant.
– Sam tracks down Jason Lambert.
– Kelsey is pregnant.
– Sam buys a gun.
MAIN MYSTERY #3: Is Kelsey trustworthy or untrustworthy?
Clues:
– Kelsey dropped out of college and was just fired from her job in boutique.
– Kelsey returns home because she has been thrown out of her apartment because of back rent.
– Kelsey tries to undermine Sam’s relationship with Christian.
– Kelsey seduces Christian.
– Kelsey elopes with Christian. No pre-nup.
– Does Kelsey want Martha dead?
– Kelsey defies Christian and gets pregnant.
– Kelsey saves Sam.
– Kelsey kills Christian in cold blood after she’s out of danger.
LESLEY’S THRILLER MAP:
OPENING: Sam’s editor at the magazine assigns her to interview Christian Sparrow who caught “life” for killing his wife but was released after the blood expert who investigated his case goes to prison for corrupting evidence in his cases to get convictions.
Mystery 1: Why did Sam catch this assignment?
Mystery 2: Does editor have it in for Sam?
: Sam was an investigative reporter before going to work for the magazine.
Mystery 3: Why has Christian agreed to be interviewed?
Mystery 4: Did Christian murder his wife?
Intrigue: Why does Christian refuse to be interviewed until he googles Sam and reads about her wealthy family?
Clue: He’s after Sam’s money.
Suspense: Is Christian guilty or innocent? He was released on a technicality
Reveal 1: Sam rejected her editor’s sexual advances and he’s making her pay.
Reveal 2: Something bad happened to Sam’s brother.
Clue: Before his incarceration, Christian was a very successful investor. How he got the money to start with is unknown.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>INCITING INCIDENT: Sam meets Christian.
Direction: Sam expects Christian Sparrow to be thug.
Twist: He’s educated, insightful, sensitive, and very attractive.
Clue: Christian can be extremely charming.
Mystery 5: What is Christian’s relationship with Tracy, his attorney?
Twist 2:
Direction: Tracy is the pro-bono attorney responsible for getting Christian’s sentence overturned.
Twist: She’s sleeping with him.
Villain’s Plan 1: Christian knows that Sam comes from wealth. He needs to get her to trust him.
Reveal 3:
S: What will Christian be like? (He’s bearded, pumped up, and thuggish-looking in his prison photo’s.)
R: Christian is slim, shaven, good-looking, and educated.
M: Why doesn’t Tracy like Sam?
M2: Who is the mysterious friend who loaned Christian the house and “owes him”?
Reveal 4:
I: Tracy is jealous; accuses Christian of flirting with Sam.
I2: Christian threatens to have Tracy disbarred if she doesn’t stay away from him.
R: Tracy and Christian are sleeping together.
Clue: Christian threatens Tracy.
Mystery 6: Is Sam going to write a positive or negative article? How will Christian react?
Twist 4: (NEW)
Direction: Sam is determined to write an objective article.
Twist: Sam is not objective – Her brother went to prison for stealing money from his mother to buy drugs and he was killed while incarcerated.
Clue: Sam has a bias against the legal system
Life Threatening 2: Christian decides to make Sam his next victim.
Twist 5:
Direction: Sam declines Christian’s invitation to dinner.
Clue: Sam has fits of rage.
Twist: A few days later, she re-invites herself.
Twist 6:
Direction: Sam ‘s attraction to Christian deepens.
Clue: Sam believes Christian’s innocent.
Twist: Sam gets an anonymous email warning her to stay away from him and panics.
TURNING POINT 1: Sam falls for Christian.
Villain’s plan 2: Christian follows Sam; studies her.
Life-threatening 3: Christian sets Sam up to be seduced.
Mystery 7: Why does Sam trust Christian?
Direction: Sam stops seeing Christian after the email.
Twist: Christian ‘bumps’ into her at the cinema…
Clue: He’s stalking her.
Twist 7: Christian seduces Sam,
Reveal 6:
I: Sam, frightened by the email, stops all communication with Christian and he’s angry.
I2: Christian starts following Sam, studying her.
S: What is Christian going to do?
R: Sam is drawn back into Christian’s web when he ‘accidentally’ runs into her at the cinema.
Clue: Sam is falling for Christian.
S2: Has Sam become Christian’s prey?
R2: Sam sleeps with Christian.
R3: Kelsey shows up.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Clue: There’s something going on between Sam & Kelsey.
MIDPOINT: Sam betrays Christian.
Life threatening 4: Christian sleeps with Sam’s daughter.
Villain’s plan 3: Christian realizes that Sam has no money but her daughter Kelsey will get her trust fund money when she turns nineteen.
Reveal 6:
M: Who is Sam’s daughter Kelsey? Why does she return home?
I: Kelsey dislikes Christian and wants to undermine his relationship with Sam.
R: Kelsey is spoiled, narcissistic, and troubled.
Clue: Kelsey wants to hurt Sam… She wants to undermine Sam’s relationship with Christian.
M2: Why did Sam refuse her inheritance?
Clue: Martha & Sam are at odds.
R2: Martha, Kelsey’s grandmother is controlling and an alcoholic.
R3: When Sam’s younger brother stole money from Martha to buy drugs, Martha had him arrested and put in prison. He was killed during a prison fight.
Reveal 8:
S: What will Christian do now that he knows Sam has no money and Kelsey will be rich when she turns 21?
Clue: Christian targets Kelsey. He’s after her money.
I: Is there sexual energy between Kelsey and Christian?
R: Christian and Kelsey have sex.
R2: Christian & Kelsey elope.
Clue: No pre-nup. Is Kelsey really in love with Christian?
M: Why doesn’t Christian want children?
Clue: He resented his mother’s pregnancy and the birth of his little brother.
R3: Sam starts investigating. What will she find out?
TURNING POINT 2: Christian elopes with Kelsey; no pre-nup.
Mystery 8: Why is Kelsey so angry?
Mystery 9: Is Kelsey really in love with Christian or is she trying to punish her mother?
Direction: Kelsey, Sam’s hot-mess daughter, can’t stand Christian.
Twist: She ends up sleeping with him.
Life threatening 5: Sam is determined to find out the truth about Christian.
Life threatening 6: Sam gets another anonymous text
Twist 9:
Direction: Kelsey is about to receive all of the money her grandma Martha’s put in her trust.
Twist: Martha is going to void trust because of Kelsey’s marriage.
Twist 10
Direction: Kelsey loves her grandma
Twist: Kelsey thinks that she’d be better off if Martha was dead.
Life threatening 7: Sam discovers that Christian may have killed his fiancé who disappeared shortly after she announced that she was pregnant.
Reveal 9:
M: Who does the house that Christian had been living in belong to?
I: Sam finds out that the house is owned by a Rick Passero
R: Rick Passero is Christian’s father – he’s in hospice for stage 4 lung cancer. Christian changed his name from Passero (Sparrow in Italian)
Clues:
– Christian’s real name is Christopher Passero.
– Christian Passero filed for a marriage license to marry Donna Morales
– Olivia Morales, Donna’s mother, believes Christian killed Donna after she got pregnant.
Reveal 10:
S: Martha is going to change Kelsey’s trust – Kelsey will not receive her inheritance when she turns 21.
I: Kelsey tells Christian that she’d be better off if Martha was dead.
S2: Christian learns that death by suffocation is the hardest to prove. Now what is he going to do?
R: Christian kills Martha.
Reveal 11:
M: Was Kelsey responsible for Martha’s death?.
Clue: Kelsey believes that she’s responsible for Martha’s death.
I: Sam believes that Christian killed Martha.
R: The autopsy does not reveal foul play.
Reveal 12:
S: Sam visits convicted blood expert Lambert in prison.
R: Lambert says that he didn’t touch the evidence in Christian’s case; he didn’t have to because Christian is guilty as hell.
Reveal 13:
S: Sam discovers that Christian’s pregnant fiance went missing and was never found.
I: Sam visits the mother of the missing girl at her home in the valley. She’s convinced that Christian murdered her daughter when she refused to get an abortion.
R: Christian, at seven, ‘accidentally’ killed his baby brother.
Clue: Christian resented his mother’s pregnancy.
R2: The dead girl’s mother was sending the emails.
Reveal 14:
I: Kelsey is pregnant.
Clue: Kelsey defies Christian’s wishes.
M: Why would Kelsey get pregnant against Christian’s wishes?
S: When Christian finds out, he’s furious. What will he do?
Clue: He’s no longer acting “nice.”
R: Christian grabs Kelsey’s arm hard enough to sprain it and leave bruises.
R2: Sam finds out what Christian did to Kelsey and buys a gun.
Twist 11
Direction: Sam believes that Tracy is sending the emails
Twist: The mother of the missing girl has been sending the warning emails.
Twist 12
Direction: Christian said that the house he was staying in belonged to a friend from college who owed him.
Twist: The ‘friend from college’ turns out to be his father who is in hospice care (Christian changed his name.) Turns out, a seven-year-old Christian ‘accidentally’ killed his younger brother in a jealous fit.
Life threatening 9: Martha dies under unexplained circumstances before she can change her will.
Life threatening 10: Sam discovers that Christian may have killed his fiancé who disappeared shortly after she announced that she was pregnant.
Life threatening 11: Kelsey is pregnant.
Clue: Christian was fighting with his wife over her getting an abortion when she “tripped and fell down the stairs.”
Mystery 10: Why did Kelsey get pregnant when she knew that Christian didn’t want children.
Twist 13
Direction: Christian said that the house he was staying in belonged to a friend from college who owed him.
Twist: The ‘friend from college’ turns out to be his father. (Christian changed his name when he was 18)
Twist 14
Direction: Sam meets with Blood spatter expert Justin Lambert who admits that he doctored results on multiple cases.
Twist: Lambert swears that he never doctored evidence in Christian’s case.
Life threatening 12: When Christian finds out that Kelsey is pregnant, he’s enraged and shakes her hard enough to leave marks.
Life threatening 13: Sam realizes that Christian is going to kill Kelsey as soon as he can get away with it.
Life threatening 14: Sam buys a gun.
CLIMAX: Sam confronts Christian. Christian attacks Sam. Kelsey kills him.
Life threatening 15: Sam warns Christian to keep his hands off Kelsey, confronts him with everything she knows, says she’s going to tell the cops everything.
Life threatening 16: Sam draws her gun but Christian lunges at her and the gun is knocked out of her hand.
Twist 15
Direction: Sam & Christian are alone because Kelsey is in class
Twist: Kelsey comes home unexpectedly, picks up Sam’s gun, points it at Christian.
Direction: Christian is cornered; Kelsey has Sam’s gun trained on him. Sam starts to call 911….
Twist: Kelsey shoots Christian in cold blood.
Mystery 11: Why does Kelsey kill Christian when she has a gun trained on him and Sam’s calling 911?
RESOLUTION: Kelsey’s son’s fifth birthday…. Christian is dead, Sam is now editor of the magazine & Kelsey’s son is healthy.
TWIST 17 (NEW)
Direction: All is well that ends well.
Twist: Is the kid a psychopath like his dad?
Reveal 15:
I: Editor is fired.
M: Why is the editor fired?
R: Sam is the new editor of the mag.
Reveal 16:
R: It’s Kelsey’s son Teddy’s fifth birthday.
M: What’s wrong with Teddy?
R2: Teddy is a psychopath like his dad (and possibly his mother.)
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Lesley Harter.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by
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Lesley’s Dramatic Reveals
What I learned:
– The strategy of working backwards from the “Reveal” really works!
– Sometimes it hard for me to differentiate between Intrigue and Suspense.
The “Reveals”:
Reveal 1:
M: Why is there tension between Pamela & Sam?
I: Does Pamela have it in for Sam? The assignment is juicy but is it dangerous?
S: Who is Christian Sparrow?
R: Sam slept with editor Pamela’s husband when they were separated.
I: Why does Christian refuse to be interviewed until he googles Sam and reads about her wealthy family?
S2: Is Christian guilty or innocent? He was released on a technicality.
Reveal 2:
S: What will Christian be like? (He’s bearded, pumped up, and thuggish-looking in his prison photo’s.)
R: Christian is slim, shaven, good-looking, and educated.
M: Why doesn’t Tracy like Sam?
M2: Who is the mysterious friend who loaned Christian the house and “owes him”?
Reveal 3:
I: Tracy is jealous; accuses Christian of flirting with Sam.
I2: Christian threatens to have Tracy disbarred if she doesn’t stay away from him.
R: Tracy and Christian were lovers while she was representing him.
Reveal 4:
I: After Sam writes a positive article on Christian, he invites her to lunch.
M: Why does Sam at first turn down Christian’s lunch invitation and then reconsider?
S: Sam gets an anonymous email at her office warning her to stay away from Christian.
M2: The email was sent from an internet café in the valley.
I2: Tracy lives in the valley.
Reveal 5:
I: Sam, frightened by the email, stops all communication with Christian and he’s angry..
I2: Christian starts following Sam, studying her.
S: What is Christian going to do?
R: Sam is drawn back into Christian’s web when he ‘accidentally’ runs into her at the cinema.
S2: Has Sam become Christian’s prey?
R2: Sam sleeps with Christian.
R3: Christian’s living with Sam.
Reveal 6:
M: Who is Sam’s daughter Kelsey? Why does she return home?
I: Kelsey dislikes Christian and wants to undermine his relationship with Sam.
R: Kelsey is spoiled, narcissistic, and troubled.
M2: Why did Sam refuse her inheritance?
R2: Martha, Kelsey’s grandmother is controlling and an alcoholic.
R3: When Sam’s younger brother stole money from Martha to buy drugs, Martha had him arrested and put in prison. He was killed during a prison fight.
Reveal 7:
S: What will Christian do now that he knows Sam has no money and Kelsey will be rich when she turns 21?
I: Is there sexual energy between Kelsey and Christian?
R: Christian and Kelsey have sex.
R2: Christian & Kelsey elope. No pre-nup.
M: Why doesn’t Christian want children?
R3: Sam hires Agnes, private PI. What will Agnes find out?
Reveal 8:
M: Who does the house that Christian had been living in belong to?
I: Agnes finds out that the house is owned by a Rick Passero
R: Rick Passero is Christian’s father – he’s in hospice for stage 4 lung cancer. Christian changed his name from Passero (Sparrow in Italian)
Reveal 9:
S: Martha is going to change Kelsey’s trust – Kelsey will not receive her inheritance when she turns 21.
I: Kelsey tells Christian that she’d be better off if Martha was dead.
S2: Christian learns that death by suffocation is the hardest to prove. Now what is he going to do?
R: Christian kills Martha.
Reveal 10:
M: Was Kelsey responsible for Martha’s death?.
I: Sam believes that Christian killed Martha.
R: The autopsy does not reveal foul play.
Reveal 11:
S: Agnes visits convicted blood expert Lambert in prison.
R: Lambert says that he didn’t touch the evidence in Christian’s case; he didn’t have to because Christian is guilty as hell.
Reveal 12:
S: Agnes discovers that Christian’s pregnant fiance went missing and was never found.
I: Sam visits the mother of the missing girl at her home in the valley. She’s convinced that Christian murdered her daughter when she refused to get an abortion.
R: Christian, at seven, killed his baby brother out of jealousy.
R2: The dead girl’s mother was sending the emails.
Reveal 13:
I: Kelsey is pregnant.
M: Why would Kelsey get pregnant against Christian’s wishes?
S: When Christian finds out, he’s furious. What will he do?
R: Christian grabs Kelsey’s arm hard enough to sprain it and leave bruises.
R2: Sam finds out what Christian did to Kelsey and buys a gun.
Reveal 14:
S: Sam tells Christian that she’ll kill him if he lays another hand on Kelsey.
I: Sam confronts Christian with everything she knows, says she’s going to the police.
S2: Sam draws her gun on Christian when he approaches her. He knocks it out of her hand, starts strangling her.
R: Kelsey returns home unexpectedly, grabs the gun, points it at Christian, saving her mother. Sam dials 911.
R2: Kelsey shoots Christian in cold blood.
I2: When cops come, Sam tells them that Kelsey shot Christian in self-defense.
Reveal 15:
I: Pamela is fired.
M: Why is Pamela fired?
R: Sam is the new editor of the mag.
Reveal 16:
R: It’s Kelsey’s son Teddy’s fifth birthday.
M: What’s wrong with Teddy?
R2: Teddy is a psychopath like his dad (and possibly his mother.)
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Lesley’s Trust Relationships
ASSIGNMENT: Create trust / distrust relationships between your characters and add them to your Thriller Map.
What I learned: That there’s a lot of redundancy in some of these questions… That going through the process even when I find it tedious inevitable helps me resolve issues and develop plot twists and define characters.
1. Make a list of the main characters.
Hero: SAM
Villain: CHRISTIAN
Villian #2: KELSEY
Red Herring Character: TRACY
2. With each character, ask these questions:
A. What is their basic state — trustable or not trustable?
SAM: Trustable
CHRISTIAN: Not trustable
KELSEY: Not trustable
TRACY: Trustable
B. How might they really be trustable, but appear not trustable OR be not trustable, but appear trustable?
CHRISTIAN: Appears trustable but isn’t… In the beginning he is loving, gentle & and generous with Sam (then Kelsey) but he’s a predator.
KELSEY: Appears untrustable but isn’t…. Kelsey is a hot mess who is intentionally cruel to Sam (and may wish her grandmother was dead) but she is devastated by the loss of her grandmother & she risks her life to save Sam’s.
TRACY: Appears untrustable but isn’t ….Tracy behaved inappropriately by having a sexual relationship with Christian when she was defending him during his trial.
C. What circumstances might cause them to switch from one to the other?
SAM: Trustable… but will stop at nothing to protect her daughter.
CHRISTIAN: Not trustable… but pretends to be in order to seduce his prey.
KELSEY: Not trustable… but realizes what she’s done and saves Sam.
TRACY: She appears untrustable and intent on derailing Sam’s relationship with Christian – until she risks Christian’s anger by warning Sam that she’s in danger.
3. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.
D = Distrust T = Trust
Sam/Christian: (Hero/Villain)
D: Sam believes that Christian may have murdered his wife.
T: Sam meets Christian and discovers that he’s not a thug.
T: Sam believes that Christian’s relationship with Tracy is professional.
D: Sam finds out that Christian was sleeping with Tracy.
T: Sam discovers that she & Christian share the same values, dreams, and desires.
D: Sam gets ‘warning’ email about Christian.
T: Christian charms Sam into falling for him by mirroring her.
D: Christian betrays Sam by having sex with Kelsey.
D: Christian elopes with Kelsey.
D: Sam realizes that Christian was playing her for her money then targets Kelsey when he realizes that Sam rejected her family’s wealth.
D: Christian kills Martha.
D: Sam discovers that a seven-year-old Christian killed his baby brother.
D: Sam discovers that Christian may have killed his pregnant ex-fiance.
D: Sam discovers that Christian did murder his wife.
D: Christian hurts Kelsey and Sam is convinced that he will kill both of them as soon as he can pull it off without getting caught.
Christian/Sam: (Villain/Hero)
T: Christian knows that Sam is rich.
D: Christian discovers that Sam renounced her mother’s wealth because of what Martha did to Sam’s brother.
T: Kelsey will receive her trust fund money when she turns 20.
T: Christian believes that he has control of Kelsey.
D: Kelsey gets pregnant against his wishes.
D: Sam accuses him of killing Martha.
D: Sam threatens Christian, reveals everything she’s learned and is going to the police.
D: Sam pulls a gun on Christian.
Kelsey/Christian (Villain #2/Villian
D: Kelsey thinks Christian is exploiting Sam.
T: Kelsey has sex with Christian.
T: Kelsey elopes with Christian.
T: No pre-nup.
D: Christian turns on her when she gets pregnant.
D: Did Christian kill Kelsey’s grandmother?
D: Kelsey kills him.
Kelsey/Sam: (Villian #2/Hero)
D: Kelsey blames Sam for rejecting Martha’s money.
D: Kelsey blames Sam for not having a father.
T: Kelsey believes that her mother will always be there for her no matter what she does.
D: Kelsey believes that Sam is punishing her for taking away Christian.
T: Kelsey realizes that Sam is only trying to protect her.
T: Kelsey risks her life to save Sam’s.
Sam/Kelsey: (Hero/Villian #2)
D: Sam knows that Kelsey is fucked-up.
T: Sam thinks that having Kelsey back home will be good for Kelsey.
D: Kelsey has sex with Christian.
D: Kelsey elopes with Christian.
D: Kelsey gets pregnant.
T: Kelsey comes to her senses about Christian.
T: Kelsey saves Sam’s life.
Sam/Tracy: (Hero/Red Herring):
T: Tracy got Christian’s sentence reversed.
D: Tracy is sleeping with Christian
D: Tracy is sending warning emails about Christian to Sam because she’s jealous and wants to undermine the relationship.
T: Tracy did not send the emails.
T: Tracy risks her own safety to help Sam.
4. Create a sequence for each trust/distrust relationship (like I did with Three Days of The Condor) and then add that to your map.
See above.
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Lesley’s Twists and Turns
What I learned: This was really a great learning experience. Adding twists and turns to my Thriller map helped me organize my story, add tension, and resolve two plot issues that had me stuck.
OPENING: Sam’s editor at the magazine assigns her to interview Christian Sparrow who caught “life” for killing his wife but was released after the blood expert who investigated his case goes to prison for corrupting evidence in his cases to get convictions.
Mystery 1: Why did Sam catch this assignment?
Mystery 2: Is there friction between Sam & her boss?
Mystery 3: Why has Christian agreed to be interviewed?
Mystery 4: Did Christian murder his wife?
INCITING INCIDENT: Sam meets Christian.
Twist 1:
Direction: Sam expects Christian Sparrow to be thug.
Twist: He’s educated, insightful, sensitive, and very attractive.
Mystery 5: What is Christian’s relationship with Tracy, his attorney?
Twist 2:
Direction: Tracy is the pro-bono attorney responsible for getting Christian’s sentence overturned.
Twist: She was sleeping with him during the trial.
Villain’s Plan 1: Christian knows that Sam comes from wealth. He needs to get her to trust him.
Mystery 6: Is Sam going to write a positive or negative article? How will Christian react?
Twist 4: (NEW)
Direction: Sam is determined to write an objective article.
Twist: Sam is not objective – Her brother went to prison for stealing money from his mother to buy drugs and he was killed while incarcerated.
Life Threatening 2: Christian decides to make Sam his next victim.
Twist 5:
Direction: Sam declines Christian’s invitation to dinner.
Twist: A few days later, she re-invites herself.
Twist 6:
Direction: Sam ‘s attraction to Christian deepens
Twist: Sam gets an anonymous email warning her to stay away from him and panics.
TURNING POINT 1: Sam falls for Christian.
Villain’s plan 2: Christian follows Sam; studies her.
Life-threatening 3: Christian sets Sam up to be seduced.
Mystery 7: Why does Sam trust Christian?
Twist 7:
Direction: Sam stops seeing Christian after the email.
Twist: Christian ‘bumps’ into her at the cinema…
MIDPOINT: Sam betrays Christian.
Life threatening 4: Christian sleeps with Sam’s daughter.
Villain’s plan 3: Christian realizes that Sam has no money but her daughter Kelsey will get her trust fund money when she turns nineteen.
TURNING POINT 2: Christian elopes with Kelsey; no pre-nup.
Mystery 8: Why is Kelsey so angry?
Mystery 9: Is Kelsey really in love with Christian or is she trying to punish her mother?
Twist 8:
Direction: Kelsey, Sam’s hot-mess daughter, can’t stand Christian.
Twist: She ends up sleeping with him.
Life threatening 5: Sam hires Agnes Chinn, a private detective
Life threatening 6: Sam gets another anonymous text
Twist 9:
Direction: Kelsey is about to receive all of the money her grandma Martha’s put in her trust.
Twist: Martha is going to void trust because of Kelsey’s marriage.
Twist 10
Direction: Kelsey loves her grandma
Twist: Kelsey thinks that she’d be better off if Martha was dead.
Life threatening 7: Agnes discovers that Christian may have killed his fiancé who disappeared shortly after she announced that she was pregnant.
Twist 11
Direction: Sam believes that Tracy is sending the emails
Twist: The mother of the missing girl has been sending the warning emails.
Twist 12
Direction: Christian said that the house he was staying in belonged to a friend from college who owed him.
Twist: The ‘friend from college’ turns out to be his father who is in hospice care (Christian changed his name.) Turns out, a seven-year-old Christian ‘accidentally’ killed his younger brother in a jealous fit.
Life threatening 9: Martha dies under unexplained circumstances before she can change her will.
Life threatening 10: Agnes discovers that Christian may have killed his fiancé who disappeared shortly after she announced that she was pregnant.
Life threatening 11: Kelsey is pregnant.
Mystery 10: Why did Kelsey get pregnant when she knew that Christian didn’t want children.
Twist 13
Direction: Christian said that the house he was staying in belonged to a friend from college who owed him.
Twist: The ‘friend from college’ turns out to be his father. (Christian changed his name when he was 18)
Twist 14
Direction: Agnes meets with Blood spatter expert Justin Lambert who admits that he doctored results on multiple cases.
Twist: Lambert swears that he never doctored evidence in Christian’s case.
Life threatening 12: When Christian finds out that Kelsey is pregnant, he’s enraged and shakes her hard enough to leave marks.
Life threatening 13: Sam realizes that Christian is going to kill Kelsey as soon as he can get away with it.
Life threatening 14: Sam buys a gun.
CLIMAX: Sam confronts Christian. Christian attacks Sam. Kelsey kills him.
Life threatening 15: Sam warns Christian to keep his hands off Kelsey, confronts him with everything she knows, says she’s going to tell the cops everything.
Life threatening 16: Sam draws her gun but Christian lunges at her and the gun is knocked out of her hand.
Twist 15
Direction: Sam & Christian are alone because Kelsey is in class
Twist: Kelsey comes home unexpectedly, picks up Sam’s gun, points it at Christian.
Twist 16
Direction: Christian is cornered; Kelsey has Sam’s gun trained on him. Sam starts to call 911….
Twist: Kelsey shoots Christian in cold blood.
Mystery 11: Why does Kelsey kill Christian when she has a gun trained on him and Sam’s calling 911?
RESOLUTION: Kelsey’s son’s fifth birthday…. Christian is dead, Sam is now editor of the magazine & Kelsey’s son is healthy.
TWIST 17 (NEW)
Direction: All is well that ends well.
Twist: Is the kid a psychopath like his dad?
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Lesley’s Thriller Plot!
What I learned:
I’m beginning to see how to create & organize MIS in my script.
OPENING: Lure us into the story and introduce the lead character in action:
Life Threatening 1: Sam’s editor at the magazine assigns her to interview Christian Sparrow who may have killed his wife..
Mystery 1: Why did Sam catch this assignment?
Mystery 2: Is there friction between Sam & her boss?
Mystery 3: Why has Christian agreed to be interviewed?
INCITING INCIDENT: Sam meets Christian.
Mystery 4: What is Christian’s relationship with Tracy, his attorney?
Villain’s Plan 1: Christian knows that Sam comes from wealth. He needs to get her to trust him.
Mystery 5: Is Sam going to write a positive or negative article? How will Christian react?
Life Threatening 2: Christian decides to make Sam his next victim.
TURNING POINT 1: Sam falls for Christian.
Villain’s plan 2: Christian follows Sam; studies her.
Life-threatening 3: Christian sets Sam up to be seduced.
Mystery 6: Why does Sam trust Christian?
MIDPOINT: Sam betrays Christian.
Life threatening 4: Christian sleeps with Sam’s daughter.
Villain’s plan 3: Christian realizes that Sam has no money but her daughter Kelsey will get her trust money when she turns nineteen.
TURNING POINT 2: Christian elopes with Kelsey; no pre-nup.
Mystery 7: is Kelsey trying to punish her mother?
Mystery 8: Why is Kelsey so angry?
Life threatening 5: Christian is furious when Kelsey gets pregnant.
CLIMAX: Christian attacks Sam. Kelsey kills him.
Mystery 9: Does Kelsey have to kill Christian when she has a gun trained on him?
RESOLUTION: The end of the journey in an emotionally satisfying way.
Christian is dead, Sam is now editor of the magazine & Kelsey’s baby is healthy.
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Lesley’s Life Threatening Sequence
What I learned:
To continuously add plot twists & to layer-in life-threatening sequences leading up to the final life-threatening confrontation between the hero & villain.
– To ask myself 3 questions for every scene:
1. How
does the Villain’s plan put the Hero in danger?2. What
will the Villain do to protect the mystery?3. How
do the Hero’s actions raise the stakes and increase the danger to him or
her?*What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?
Christian intends to get his hands on his target’s inheritance – even if he has to kill to accomplish it.
*What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?
Loss of career
Surveillance
Physical danger
Danger to someone they know
Betrayal from someone they know
Other parties want the villain dead.
*From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.
Sequence those dangers in order and make a list.
(ACT ONE)
– Sam’s magazine assigns her to interview Christian who went to prison for murdering his wife
– There’s tension between editor and Sam. Why?
– Christian needs to elevate the public’s perception of him.
– Sam researches Christian — He was released on a technicality.
– Christian researches Sam, discovers that she’s from a very rich family
– Christian, with Tracy, his attorney present, is interviewed by Sam in a beautiful home that Christian says belongs to a friend who owes him a favor. Who is this friend? What kind of favor?
– Christian was sleeping with Tracy during the trial.
– Christian starts following Sam; studying her.
– Christian warns Tracy to leave him alone & keep her mouth shut — or she’ll regret it.
– Christian ‘accidently’ runs into Sam at her favorite director’s movie.
– Christian and Sam start sharing late-night calls; he manipulates her by mirroring her values, insecurities, desires.
– Christian seduces Sam.
– Kelsey, Sam’s daughter, thinks Christian killed his wife and accuses Sam of being desperate to choose him.
– Christian tries to win over Kelsey; he gets hostile when he fails.
– Sam gets an anonymous letter warning her to stay away from Christian.
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Lesley’s Mystery Sequence
What I learned is…
– All of the villain’s secrets are MYSTERIES.
– I need to establish a mystery chain.
– The writer’s strategy is “secret” then “cover-up”; the reverse of the audience’s.
1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?
He’s already killed twice and he’ll stop at nothing to get his hands on Kelsey’s inheritance.
2. How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries.
Christian’s murder conviction was overturned on a technicality.
He appears to be understanding, gentle, and kind — until he’s not.
3. The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.
– Mystery 1: Did Christian murder his wife?
– Mystery 2: Who is sending anonymous warnings about Christian to Sam?
– Mystery 3: Did Christian kill Sam’s mother – or did she die of natural causes?
– Mystery 4: Did Vince Landau kill Christian’s wife? (red herring)
4. Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.
Mystery 1: Did Christian murder his wife?
– His sentence was overturned on a technicality.
– The blood expert accused of corrupting evidence to get a conviction pleads guilty but later claims that he didn’t manipulate Christian’s case.
– The mother of Christian’s fiancé who disappeared alleges that Christian murdered her because she was pregnant and going to make trouble for him. If she’s right, he’s killed before.
Mystery 2: Who is sending anonymous warnings about Christian to Sam?
– Could it be his ex-lover trying to cause trouble?
– His ex-fiance’s mother?
– The blood spatter expert?
– Is Kelsey doing it?
Mystery 3: Did Christian kill Sam’s mother – or did she die of natural causes?
– She has a history of pills and alcohol abuse
– Christian has an alibi.
– She was about to write Kelsey out of the will.
– Did Kelsey ask Christian to kill her grandma?
Mystery 4: Did Vince Landau kill Christian’s wife? (red herring)
– He has a history of violence.
– What did Christian do to cover for Vince in college?
– Why is Christian living in Vince’s house?
– Is Christian blackmailing Vince?
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Subject Line: Lesley’s Villain Has a Great Plan!
“What I learned is…?”
– The power of reverse engineering!
– How building and layering MIS in every scene dramatically improves my characters and plot. ( I build plot using the beat board in Final Draft and this class is having major impact on my scenes and sequencing.)
– How it’s equally important to analyze your script by scene and by sequence.
To create your Villain’s plan, answer these four questions:
1. What is the end goal?
– To get his hands on the Phillips’ wealth
2. How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?
– By studying,
charming, mirroring, and seducing his victims.3. How can they cover it up?
– By appearing to be in vulnerable, open, and loving.
4. Sequence it to make it as intriguing as possible.
a) He selects his prey.
b) He studies his prey.
c) He sets his prey up by mirroring their values, needs, etc.
d) He captures his prey in his web.
e) He starts fucking with his prey.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Lesley Harter.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Lesley Harter.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by
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What a cool group. It’s going to be fun getting to know everybody through their work!
Lesley
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Lesley’s SOTL Stacking Suspense
What I learned:
Phew, this was a tough assignment for me, compounded by the fact that I closed my eyes through a significant number of scenes.
I can see how to start layering each element in each scene and how effective the MIS technique is.
It was really interesting to watch BI and then SOTL. For me, BI had a simpler plot and used sexuality to escalate the tension where SOTL leaned more on character development.
I discovered that the filled-in chart develops the story if you read the columns “top-to-bottom” or “across.”
Also, noticed that the movie score mirrors the beats in the script.
I wasn’t sure that I correctly identified some of the elements (creating redundancies on my chart) but I didn’t sweat it — which was a great lesson.
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Lesley Harter’s Basic Instinct Stacking Suspense
What I learned doing this assignment:
– Despite its age, the film remains as intense, taut, and compelling as it was when it first came out.
– Thanks to the MIS model, I saw things in the movie that I didn’t notice when I first saw it.
– Almost every scene adds to the mystery & suspense.
– The characters keep you interested as much as the twists.
– I’m starting to understand the power of using the MIS model & breaking down each scene.
– Oh, and I loved the ambiguous ending!
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Lesley Harter’s World and Characters!
What I learned:
– The importance of having a “Red Herring” Character.
– The need to understand more about my characters behavior.
– The importance of an “intriguing world.”
“Untitled Thriller” Logline:
While writing an article on Christian Sparrow, the convicted wife-killer released from prison on a technicality, “Sam” Reichek finds herself falling for him. Big mistake.
1. Remind us of your CONCEPT and the Big M.I.S. of your story.
Big Mystery: Who is Christian Sparrow? Did he kill his wife? What does he want from Sam?
Big Intrigue: Christian is a conniving sociopath passing as a good human being. What is he up to?
Big Suspense: As long as Christian is alive and not behind bars, Sam and her family are in extreme danger. How can she stop him?
2. Tell us the Intriguing World you have selected for this story.
The inner and outer world of a psychopath masquerading as a good guy.
3. MIS of each character:
MYSTERY:
SAM (HERO): Why is Sam drawn to Christian? Why would she get involved with him? Why is her relationship with her mother so contentious? Why does her daughter hate her?
CHRISTIAN (VILLAIN): Is Christian a murderer? Did he kill his wife? What does he want from Sam? What is he hiding?
KELSEY (RED HERRING): Why does Kelsey want to hurt her mother (Sam)? Does Kelsey suggest to Christian that she’d be better off if her Grandma died?
INTRIGUE:
SAM (HERO): Sam, usually co-dependent when it comes to lovers, is capable of anything when the chips are down.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>CHRISTIAN (VILLAIN): Christian is a ruthless opportunist. When seducing Kelsey is more beneficial than staying with Sam, he changes course without remorse. He’ll ‘remove’ any obstacle in his path.
KELSEY (RED HERRING): Kelsey who is immature, narcissistic, and angry, can’t see past her own needs and will stop at nothing to feed them.
SUSPENSE:
SAM (HERO): Did Christian kill his wife? Did he kill Sam’s mother? Is he planning to kill Sam? Will she be able to stop him?
CHRISTIAN (VILLAIN): Is Christian planning to kill Sam? How can Christian prevent Kelsey’s grandmother from writing Kelsey out of her will? How will he react when he finds out Kelsey is pregnant?
KELSEY (RED HERRING): Is Kelsey really pregnant with Christian’s child? Did she have a hand in her grandmother’s demise.
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Lesley Harter’s Big M.I.S.
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
– Loglines really are the ‘strippy’ version of storytelling.
– How to define the MIS of my plot so that I can then build on each element and learn to layer them.
– Don’t sweat the assignment. You have time to refine your answers.
“Untitled Thriller” Logline:
While writing an article on Christian Sparrow, the convicted wife-killer released from prison on a technicality, “Sam” Reichek finds herself falling for him. Big mistake.
1. What are the conventions of your story?
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero:
It’s “kill or be killed” when Sam (Samantha) Reichek’s and her family’s lives are threatened after she get involved with sociopath Christian Sparrow. She has to come up with a plan to beat him at his own game.
Dangerous Villain:
Christian Sparrow presents as open, genuine, spiritual, and loving. He’s none of those things.
High stakes:
If Sam can’t stop Christian, he’s going to kill her and/or her daughter.
Life and death situations:
– Sam’s mother dies unexpectedly of unknown causes.
– The blood expert who is caught manipulating evidence and is responsible for Christian’s release reveals that he did not monkey with Christian’s blood to ‘prove’ him guilty.
– Sam learns that Christian may have killed his fiancé as well as his pregnant wife.
This story is thrilling because?
Each ‘reveal’ in the plot increases the likelihood that Christian is a murderer and is going to kill again.
2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?
Big Mystery: Who is Christian Sparrow? Did he kill his wife? What does he want from Sam?
Big Intrigue: Christian is a conniving sociopath passing as a good human being. What is he up to?
Big Suspense: As long as Christian is alive and not behind bars, Sam and her family are in extreme danger. How can she stop him?
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MISERY Thriller Conventions
What I learned: The thrillers that I’m drawn to, like Gone Girl, The Wolf Hour, and Nocturnal Animals, have anti-heroes and ambiguous endings which makes them much harder to analyze using course structure. I decided on Misery because it had a simple plot. Despite that, I had to really think about it.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: When Romance Novelist PAUL SHELDON crashes his car on a deserted Colorado road, he’s ‘rescued’ and then held captive by “Number One Fan” Annie Wilkes who demands that he doesn’t kill off his character Misery Chastaine in the final book in his series. Paul finds ways to placate Annie while plotting his escape.
Dangerous Villain: ANNIE WILKES will stop at nothing to get Paul to write ‘her’ ending to his novel – including maiming him and keeping him prisoner.
High stakes: After a motorcycle accident, Paul finds himself with broken arm and leg, drugged & held captive in Annie’s home, sure that she’ll kill him if he doesn’t write the ending to his novel she wants. Watched by Annie and unable to walk, Paul must find a way to escape.
Life and death situations:
– Annie nearly kills Paul over the fact that he has killed Misery in his final book, tells him that she never called the local hospital which she said she had. She threatens to kill him if anything bad happens to Misery.
– Annie becomes desperate and tells Paul that she’s going to kill Paul and herself.
– When Paul is caught trying to escape, Annie maims him.
– When looking for Paul, Officer Buster visits Annie’s house, she kills him.
This movie is thrilling because?
-The deck gets progressively more stacked against the hero
3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?
Big Mystery:
– Who is Annie Wilkes? Is she a pathetic fan — or crazy enough to kill Paul?
Big Intrigue:
– Annie pretends that she’s called for help when she hasn’t. She has no intention of releasing Paul.
Big Suspense:
– When Annie rescues Paul, is she friend or foe?
– Paul discovers that Annie killed her father, her college roommate, and many patients in hospitals where she was a nurse.
– Officer Buster finds Sheldon’s ’65 Mustang buried in the snow. Will he be able to find Paul and rescue him from Annie?
– How will an immobilized, drugged Paul undermine Annie?
Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller?
As it turned out, I found Misery to be a little outdated and not quite an ‘edge-of-your-seat’ thriller. On a positive note, I was impressed by the clever use of humor in a thriller, and the very effective use of a single location (Annie’s home).
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Greetings! I graduated from Hal’s Pro Series course six years ago and I’m excited to start this new class. I’ve written six scripts, rewritten them god knows how many times. Currently a staff writer on Torry Colvin’s Forgotten District and just signed production deals/shopping agreements on a screenplay and tv series. Looking forward to meeting everyone.
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Lesley Harter
I agree to the terms of the release form.
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Hi Mary. I really like your plot development. Hope that we get a chance to review each others work!
Lesley
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Thanks, Bree! You sound like a kindred spirit.