LINDA Walton
Forum Replies Created
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LINDA’S Marketing Plan
What I learned doing this assignment is this is where it all comes together!! Having had an enforced break over Christmas (moving house), I am now back on it, so my plan looks like this:
1. Re-read / review all the course notes from this program
2. Craft the email request using my own words and style
3. Continue to build my network on Linked In. (I started inviting 20 2nd tier contacts before Christmas and this worked well)
4. Ask for personal recommendations about my work from 5 people who know me well and would be prepared to comment.
I will complete the course evaluation but just wanted to note here that this course has been great. I feel it’s given me the tools and confidence to put myself out there and focus on finding new contacts and producers who will pay me for my work. Thanks, Hal. -
Linda’s Plan for Increasing Perceived Value
What I learned is that the actual $$ fee at the outset is far less relevant than establishing the relationship with a producer whereby I can learn the process in action and build my credibility with that producer and for the future.
1. My specialty is Drama, with a focus on female protagonists often battling ‘the system’, and mostly adaptations of existing narratives.
2. I was amazed to discover I actually have 58 producers in my 1st level network. (Not all may be true film producers though)
3. Plan for:
a. TODAY – go back over my writing sample and improve.
b. NEXT 30 DAYS – continue to connect with 20 new 2nd level producers each day. This has already borne fruit as invitations sent have been accepted. Also develop a 2nd writing sample using the same techniques. In fact, get my ‘pack’ ready so I am prepared when a producer makes contact.
c. NEXT 6 MONTHS – start conversations with new producers. Continue to improve and update my Linked In profile. Approach known producers with enquiry letters. -
Linda’s Rewrite of Karen Christine’s Treatment
What I learned is that this was so much fun! Connecting with Karen was a pleasure and we had a good interview and exchange of ideas. The main big decision was to change the genre – from Love Drama to Romantic Comedy, so this rewrite reflects the start of that. Thank you, Karen.
WORKING TITLE: THE BITTER AND THE SWEET
GENRE: ROMANTIC COMEDY
LOGLINE: Successful businesswoman, Laura returns to her homeland of Sicily to sell a plot of land only to find the man who opposes the sale is irresistibly charming.ACT 1
Opening
LAURA, 30, has worked hard to achieve a successful career and happy relationship with FRANZ in Frankfurt, Germany. There is however, a nagging doubt about her long term future as she has unanswered questions about her heritage and native homeland in Sicily.Inciting Incident
Out of the blue, Laura receives notification that she has inherited an orange grove in Sicily and must visit to claim it. Franz jokes about her turning into an orange and that, if she goes, she will never return. Laura dismisses the idea but decides to go on a short trip to claim her dues.
She meets NINO, 65, an embittered old man, who lost a brother in an earthquake many years before and lives with raging anger and regret for a life he feels has slipped away. Meanwhile, Laura discovers there is a debt of 25000 euros and she can sell the land to pay off the debt. Nino is violently opposed to this course of action as he believes it will impact on his nephew’s lively bar business situated between the land and the coast.
Act 1 Turning Point
Laura is about to ignore his concerns, when she meets the nephew, LUCA, 29 and is immediately attracted to him.
Act 2
Luca, however, while attracted to Laura, aligns himself with his uncle as they battle against Laura’s plans to sell the land. With two strong men and the local authorities against her, Laura is in despair and baulks at the proposition of having to pay off the loan herself, which she cannot afford. Luca teases her with drinks and snacks from his bar but Laura cannot decide whether he is playful or manipulative. Eventually, there is a tender moment when they kiss, but still Luca and Nino oppose the sale.
Midpoint
On the verge of returning home, Laura meets 90 year-old matriarch, fun-loving CONCETTA – the ultimate hostess – who persuades her to stay and fight for what is legally hers.
Act 2 Turning Point
Luca reveals his true colours – that he is only courting her to avoid her taking action and Laura’s hopes of selling and a romance with Luca are dashed.
Act 3
Concetta embraces Laura with a love that she has never known before and adopts her ‘as her own’. She teaches her to cook Sicilian food, drink the wine and make luxury cosmetics using the oil from the orange trees. Laura warms to Concetta and to the Sicilian lifestyle and wonders whether the future of her life is indeed in Sicily.
Crisis:
Laura approaches Luca to discuss the land issue and they realise they are in love. Laura must decide what to do.
Climax:
Sales from the cosmetic business take off rapidly partly due to Concetta’s local (mafioso) contacts! Laura must decide whether to take the offer she has had on the orange grove or keep it and develop the land and the company.
Resolution:
Franz arrives from Germany curious as to Laura’s absence and discovers the truth. Laura is in love with Luca and will stay in Sicily.
Luca faces off to his uncle, Nino, to tell him Laura will sell SOME of the land which Luca will use to develop a restaurant next to his bar and they will develop both together. Nino grudgingly accepts that change is for good.
Franz flies back to Germany. Concetta throws a party for Laura and Luca.
Laura realises that she belongs in Sicily – and that the development of the orange grove (and related business) is a metaphor for change and renewal, a new phase of her life – with a good future ahead.NOTES:
1. I’ve rewritten the treatment as a Romantic Comedy, as we discussed, but aware it needs more ‘comedy’ elements in it than are here.
2. A brainstorm to come up with alternative titles would be good. I wondered if something to do with ‘oranges’ could be developed into something funny to convey the new genre? Seems relevant as it relates to the actual grove but also the metaphor of renewal and growth of Laura (avoiding anything resembling ‘Oranges are not the only fruit’ – the novel by Jeanette Winterson!)
3. This version has eliminated the character of Serena which we felt was superfluous and of course helps with budget!
4. Logline – I’ve come up with one idea – sure you can improve on this!Happy writing and please let’s brainstorm again in the future.
Best
Linda -
LINDA is a Note Taking Professional
What I learned doing this assignment is that the challenge to change some aspect of the story can actually open up other ideas that may be better than my existing ones. I feel energised by this rather than down hearted!
Logline: In 19th century Iceland, an itinerant priest becomes the unexpected investigator of a brutal murder of the local farmer.
1. Cut the budget in half
I estimate my budget to be c $1m so half would be £500,000. I would cut out two characters who are boyfriend/girlfriend and reduce the total characters to 3 from 5. I would centre the action on the farmhouse (inside and outside) and the surrounding countryside only.
2. Write it for a different audience
It is currently for males over 25 as my protagonist is a 32 year old male priest. To adapt it to be for females under 25, I would make the young housemaid about 19/20 and refocus the story around her.
3. Double the conflict
Reducing the cast size to 3 means there is an obvious ‘love triangle’ opportunity to exploit so I would change the relationship with the priest to be one in which the ‘priest’ was a former lover, may be the first boyfriend of the housemaid and pitting that relationship against the farmer.
4. Change the sex and age of the lead character
I’ve already done this – several times!! Now I feel very relaxed about either the housemaid (female younger) or the priest (male older) being the protagonist.
5. Change the genre
Currently it is a drama/mystery. I could change it to a Horror with one of each of the 5 characters dying a gruesome death in turn. Large kitchen type knives are one of the key objects in play and each character could realistically be able to use one to stab a person as well as for cooking/hunting. -
LINDA’S DECREASED BUDGET
What I learned doing this assignment is that responding to a request to reduce budget is an opportunity to get even more creative and that it is an essential aspect of working with a producer efficiently. I feel excited to practice this and to improve.
My highest budget script
If the producer asks me to cut the budget by 25%, I would propose the following:
• Expensive locations. I have several scenes filmed in central London near the Houses of Parliament. They could be filmed in a cheaper area of the country with the Houses of Parliament image in the background.
• Number of pages. Currently my script has 110 pages. I could reduce this to 95 (maybe 90), specifically the scenes in which my protagonist is with her children and her maid.
• Crowd scenes. My script opens and ends with a crowd scene. Both could be a smaller number of people with the same effect.
• Kids – I have 3 kids who are integral to the story so I am reluctant to reduce them to 2, but it could be done.
• Animals – as it is a period drama, I have horses and carriages in several scenes. I could cut them all out and use a sound effect of the horses hooves/ neighing without them actually appearing. It might make it even more dramatic!My high budget scene is the Meeting of the Love Interest at a drinks party
The high budget item is NUMBER OF PAGES
What is the dramatic goal I am trying to accomplish with this scene?
The dramatic goal is to set up Melbourne as the love interest of my protagonist and hence enflame her husband.
How can I accomplish this without the expense?
Re-reading the scene, I realise it is long and over-indulgent. I can cut down the dialogue (and hence the pages) and rely more on what is unsaid between them – eye contact, facial expressions etc. -
Linda’s Fantastic Treatment
What I learned during this assignment – I found the structure Hal in this lesson very helpful in constructing the treatment and will continue to use and practice with it.
I used the 3 Act structure, though this is far from perfect, but I wanted to get something posted. It was an extra challenge because I changed the protagonist following my call with Steven on the last lesson, so had to re-work the whole story. However, I realise this might have been a good exercise if I am asked to change the protagonist in a future project.
Title: Conspiracy of Ravens
Genre: Drama/Mystery
LOGLINE: In 19th century Iceland, an itinerant priest becomes the unexpected investigator of a brutal murder of the local farmer.
SYNOPSIS
In a remote outpost in northern Iceland, a priest, FATHER JACOBUS (32), closes down the local church, with a heavy heart. He visits the farmstead and counsels the farmer, NATAN KETILSSON (38) clearly one of many sessions in which he helps the farmer to find healing from and repentance for his past indiscretions. Farmhand, FRIDRIK (25) and his girlfriend, SIGGA (23) discuss a plan to defraud Natan of money from the sale of fish Fridrik has caught. Sigga is unsettled, wants to leave the farm as soon as possible but Fridrik is adamant that they bide their time to accumulate enough money to set up home. Sigga excitedly looks forward to the arrival of a new housemaid with whom she can share ‘girl’ things but Fridrik cautions Sigga not to mention their plan, thus creating more tension between them.
Jacobus welcomes AGNES (28), an enigmatic girl who has journeyed miles to take up the role of house maid but she will have no time for him or his attempts at preaching. He points out the circling ravens overhead – a flock of which is known as a ‘conspiracy’ – adding to the tension.
Agnes settles quickly into farm life forming a bond with Sigga and evoking a rare kindness in Natan. He teaches her to make herbal potions to sell in the market. Jacobus observes a pleasant change in the farmer. Unable to contain herself, Sigga confides in Agnes about the ‘fish’ plan; later Agnes discovers that Natan is fully aware of the ‘secret’ and is watching Fridrik. Jacobus continues to counsel Natan and we discover he has had a long history of violence towards women.
After a long and enjoyable supper of lamb cooked by Sigga and Agnes, Jacobus leaves the farm to attend to other duties. On departing, however, he is struck by a dramatic image of a brutal stabbing in a bedroom. It’s unclear who is the victim and who is the perpetrator, but the ravens above remind him that a conspiracy of some sort is at stake.Despite her efforts to repel him, Jacobus succeeds in accompanying Agnes around the farm gently questioning her about the reason for taking the job and her relationship with Natan. She knows her Bible well enough to challenge him on faith and for the first time, we see Jacobus doubt – himself and God. Natan encourages Agnes to produce more herbal potions and attempts some gentle physical contact. Agnes freezes but doesn’t reject him; she seems highly conflicted.
Fridrik threatens Agnes to keep her silence, but Agnes tells him Natan already knows. Sigga becomes unwell and, on putting her to bed, Agnes sees her stomach is swollen and realizes that she is pregnant. Sigga begs her not to tell Fridrik but Agnes can’t understand why. Agnes seeks the help of Jacobus. This opens up a conversation about the nature of birth and Jacobus gently explores Agnes’ parents and birth circumstances. He learns that she never knew her father, was brought up by her mother who had recently committed suicide.
Sigga admits to Agnes that Natan is the father of her baby – the result of one unwanted attack. This enflames Fridrik who sees all his plans for their life together fall into ruins and he vows to take action. Jacobus and Agnes argue about the concept of Christian forgiveness, and we discover she too is much more interested in revenge. Later that evening, the brutal murder takes place, exactly as envisioned by Jacobus and though we still don’t know the attacker, we see the victim is Natan.
Due to the distance from capital, Reykjavik, the authorities cannot send a man of the law and Jacobus is instructed to initiate the investigations. He questions Agnes, Sigga and Fridrik in turn – each of whom has motive, means and opportunity – but he cannot determine who is guilty. He prays, seeking help from God but hears nothing. Jacobus asks the three to prepare another meal during which he witnesses the dexterity with which Agnes uses the knife to skin the lamb and believes it is the same hand he ‘saw’ in his vision. Sigga confesses Fridrik was with her the night of the murder and therefore couldn’t have committed the crime, but Jacobus doubts her sincerity. Jacobus elicits from Fridrik that he wanted to kill Natan but that someone else had got there first. Jacobus receives notification from Reykjavik that he alone must decide who is guilty along with information that Agnes’ mother had been in a relationship with Natan. Jacobus asks Agnes about it, but she refuses to talk. In a dramatic climax, Jacobus names Agnes as the murderer which she doesn’t deny.
Agnes is hanged on the gallows which, ironically, stand on the hill next to the church that Jacobus had closed. As the blade falls, we wonder if the verdict is right but a replay of the vision of the stabbing does indeed show Agnes as the murderer. Natan had destroyed her mother’s life when he left her for another woman, so Agnes had sought revenge. In the end, with bittersweet realization, we see that justice has been served and Jacobus is absolved. -
Linda’s Producer Interview Experience
What I learned during this assignment is that talking a concept through with another writer is always helpful to gain different perspectives and ideas.
I partnered with Steven Avigliano.
As Producer (of my project), Steven asked me searching questions about my story concept and we established that one of the other characters may indeed be the better protagonist. He challenged me on structure and got me thinking more about the key Act 1 and 2 turning points. He helped me to frame my story in a ‘murder mystery’ plot and see what I needed to do to it to improve what I had. He’s given me lots to think about – all very helpful.
As Writer, I was fascinated to discover more about his story. A comedy/horror genre is not one I know well but which I understand is popular. We had a healthy discussion about his plot and lead character – which he may tweak. He’s got a great idea which has commercial potential, with a manageable budget. I found it a little challenging as I would be unlikely to be a writer for this genre but I wouldn’t have missed the experience for anything!
Thanks, Steven.
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Linda’s synopsis for Producer Interview
Title: CONSPIRACY OF RAVENS
Format: Feature
Genre: Drama/Crime/Mystery
Inspired by a true story.
Writer: Linda J Walton
LOGLINE: In 19th century Iceland, a young housemaid starts a new job troubled by the premonition of an imminent and violent murder.
Comps: Tess, The Wonder.
SYNOPSIS
Travelling across the bleak and rugged terrain of northern Iceland to the farmstead where she will start a new job, housemaid AGNES (28), has a frightening picture of a brutal murder. This dramatic image unnerves her – in part, because it is unclear who is the victim and who is the perpetrator. She encounters FATHER JACOBUS (32), the itinerant priest, who questions why she ventures this far for work and adds to her fear and foreboding by pointing out the circling ravens – a group of which is known as a ‘conspiracy’.
Settling in, she befriends the other housemaid, SIGGA (23) and her farmhand boyfriend, FRIDRIK (25), who counsel her about the unpredictable and aggressive nature of the farmer, NATAN (36). However, NATAN takes a shine to AGNES teaching her to make herbal potions and sell them in the local market. FRIDRIK becomes suspicious of AGNES setting up conflict with SIGGA who sees her as a female confidant.
Meanwhile, AGNES discovers a plot by FRIDRIK and SIGGA to defraud NATAN and escape with enough money to start a new life together. FATHER JACOBUS tries to talk to Agnes about faith, but she angrily rejects his preaching, and he wonders again about her motivations for taking the job. AGNES discovers SIGGA is pregnant but refuses to tell FRIDRIK; she begs AGNES to keep her secret. AGNES agrees on condition they leave the farm soon. FRIDRIK refuses to be pushed by AGNES and insists his timing is perfect.
FATHER JACOBUS learns that NATAN used to be in a relationship with Agnes’ mother and challenges AGNES on that connection. She fobs it off as irrelevant as her mother is long since dead. AGNES continues to spend time with NATAN, travelling to the market to see her potions. There, she hears of a lady, ROSA, apparently NATAN’s lover but never meets her. This upsets AGNES more than is normal – something she discusses with FATHER JACOBUS.
In a desperate moment, SIGGA admits to AGNES that NATAN is the father of her unborn baby – the result of an unwanted attack – highlighting the reason to keep the pregnancy quiet from FRIDRIK. But AGNES tells him, and FRIDRIK vows to get revenge.
On a dark night, the farmhouse bursts into flames and we witness the murder as seen in AGNES’ premonition. Now, through the fire, we recognise the victim is NATAN but the attacker, stabbing him repeatedly in the chest, is still unclear.
FATHER JACOBUS talks to each of AGNES, FRIDRIK and SIGGA in turn, trying to elicit the murderer. Each accuses another. AGNES was discovered holding the bloodied knife, so the focus falls on her. She denies her guilt. FATHER JACOBUS pleads to the court for more time, but AGNES is sentenced. At the hanging, with the audience torn over her innocence, we learn about AGNES’ difficult upbringing including her mother’s love affair with NATAN and how, when he left, she committed suicide. He destroyed her mother’s life, so AGNES has destroyed him. In the end, with bittersweet realization, the audience sees that justice was eventually and duly served.Steven Avigliano and I have agreed to partner for this exercise. Steven – my email is lindajwalton@btinternet.com. +44 (0) 7767786226. Look forward to arranging a date/time.
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Hi Karen
Many thanks for posting your writing sample which I thoroughly enjoyed reading! What a great ‘world’ this is – very exciting and watchable both for a young audience – and an older one!!
My Feedback:
THE SET-UP
1. It is very clear it is a movie for CHILDREN so you have delivered on the genre. It would help to state which age group your book is aimed at because that would encourage us to ‘place’ it more accurately in our minds.
2. I was unsure what a ‘seagirl’ is? this may be due to the translation. I assume it is a Mermaid ie female human upper body and the tail of a fish? if so, the word Mermaid is probably a better one to use. I assume therefore her mother is also a Mermaid? Maybe there is a way of clarifying.
3. I understand Onda is an octopus but what animal/sea creature is Furia – and indeed the other characters you mention? You have probably described them earlier in the script but as we are reading this sample in isolation, it would be good to know as it helps to build a varied picture.
4. If all the action in your story takes place underwater, you could state this upfront – or do we ever go over the sea / onto land?
5. I learned later on but it would be good to make clear 17 Waves is the name of the hotel! Perhaps you could also give us an idea of the ‘layout’ of the hotel ie the different floors that you refer to in your slug lines.
THE SAMPLE
6. I wondered at what stage of the screenplay this sample occurs? and why you chose these pages? If ‘boycotting’ the opening of the hotel is a BIG THING because, perhaps, Furia has huge influence in the underwater world, then it would be good to feel the jeopardy a little more. Perhaps the food is a disaster? Perhaps the guest list has been destroyed – so that by the end of the sample, we really empathise with Smeralda and her mother – how are they going to succeed?
7. I wondered who the protagonist of your story is. I assume it’s Smeralda because you introduce her first and because she is named in the title of your book. However, in this sample, she doesn’t necessarily come across as a very heroic figure. It seemed to me that Onda is taking more action to get things done.
Finally, did you know that there is an (very successful) children’s animation movie called Coraline? I’m sure you did and I realise she is not your protagonist, so it may not be a problem to use her name in your screenplay.
I do hope these comments are helpful. I don’t feel I’m very good at giving feedback but I do love watching animations, so reading your work made me smile. Good luck.
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Stephen
very many thanks for your helpful and insightful comments (and compliments!) on my writing sample. I love your more abridged version of my set up and other useful hints about not including another slug line when a character is simply moving from one room to another. Very encouraging – thank you again!! -
Linda’s DRAMA Writing Sample Plan
What I learned doing this assignment is that ‘stacking the deck’ is exciting and going through my 10 pages made me try to improve each line. Looking forward to getting feedback from a fellow student. (Hope this reads/formats OK).
THE SCANDALOUS MRS NORTON
SET UP
The screenplay is based on a true story set in Victorian England. The action below takes place at the end of Act 1/beginning of Act 2.
Caroline Norton, 28, has been forced into an unhappy marriage by her mother to pompous aristocrat George. Caroline has made every effort to be a good wife and has borne him 3 sons, now 7, 5 and 2 years old. Following the accusation by George of adultery with Lord Melbourne, the then Prime Minister and a subsequent unsuccessful court case against him, George has taken the boys to his country estate in Surrey where his brother, Lord Grantley, lives and intends to prevent Caroline having any access.
EXT. THE SURREY COUNTRYSIDE – DAY
The horse and carriage gallops.
EXT. WONERSH ESTATE – DAY
Caroline flings open the door of the carriage and races inside.
INT. WONERSH ESTATE – DRAWING ROOM – DAY
Maid Eliza cradles William, 2, who whimpers. His face, chest and hands are covered in pink spots.
Caroline runs in, SHRIEKS, grabs him.
CAROLINE
Measles!
ELIZA
‘e ‘ad a fever yesterday, ma’am, then spots today.
Caroline rocks him gently as she moves around.
CAROLINE
I only agreed to the boys coming down here because I knew you’d be with them all the time.
Eliza flushes.
ELIZA
So sorry, ma’am ’bout everything. ‘e, Lord Grantley, that is…
CAROLINE
Promised you money to speak against me in court?
Eliza hangs her head.
ELIZA
‘E said if I wanted to keep me job…
A beat.
CAROLINE
We’re going home. Where are Fletcher and Brinsley?
ELIZA
Wi’ the ‘orses. Will I get ’em?
CAROLINE
Yes. Now.
Eliza runs out.
Caroline caresses William. He calms down.
LORD GRANTLEY (O.S.)
It’s a bloody outrage. Where is she?
Lord Grantley BURSTS in; George behind him.
LORD GRANTLEY
How dare you enter my house uninvited!
CAROLINE
I’ve come to collect my children.
LORD GRANTLEY
Get out!
CAROLINE
With pleasure.
LORD GRANTLEY
George, seize the boy.
George lunges to grab William; Caroline shields him.
CAROLINE
He needs a doctor!
George and Caroline fight; George snatches William. Caroline fist-punches George.
LORD GRANTLEY
Fluke!
Fluke runs in.
LORD GRANTLEY
Restrain her.
Fluke wraps his arms around Caroline’s waist. She kicks him – and again.
FLUKE
Ow!
Lord Grantley grabs Caroline’s arm. Together, he and Fluke march her to the door. She wriggles, struggles with all her might.
CAROLINE
I am not leaving without my children. Don’t do this, George.
George, holding William, looks on, defiant.
EXT. WONERSH ESTATE – DAY
Lord Grantley and Fluke manhandle a desperate Caroline into the carriage.
Fluke jumps up into the seat, cracks the whip, drives off. Eliza, Fletcher and Brinsley run out of the front door, shouting.
FLETCHER & BRINSLEY
Mother!
Eliza places a protective arm around Fletcher and Brinsley. Caroline pokes her head out of the window, SHOUTS.
CAROLINE
I love you! I love you!
The carriage disappears into the distance.
INT. GEORGE AND CAROLINE’S HOME – DRAWING ROOM – DAY
Caroline signs and folds a letter. A new maid, JANE, 35, severe and doleful, pours coffee. Caroline seals the envelope, scribbles George’s name, hands it to Jane.
JANE
Another one, ma’am?
CAROLINE
I’ll write every day until he responds. Have you heard from Eliza?
JANE
No, ma’am.
CAROLINE
No word from Lord Melbourne either?
Jane shakes her head.
CAROLINE
I’m going out.
INT. STICKLETHWAITE AND SONS, SOLICITORS – DAY
Dusty room. Papers scattered haphazardly over a desk, some in tall piles. Mr. Sticklethwaite peeps his head over the top.
He gestures to Caroline to sit, adjusts his monocle.
MR. STICKLETHWAITE
How may I be of assistance?
CAROLINE
Mister Sticklethwaite, it’s been over a week since I’ve seen my children. I’ve written 8 letters to my husband but received no reply.
MR. STICKLETHWAITE
What do you expect me to do? The law states that your children are your husband’s property.
CAROLINE
We’re talking about human beings not houses. I am their mother.
MR. STICKLETHWAITE
You too are your husband’s property.
Caroline glares.
CAROLINE
Does that mean I have no rights?
Mr. Sticklethwaite nods slowly, deliberately.
CAROLINE
This is totally preposterous. What can I do?
MR. STICKLETHWAITE
Well, there’s always the matter of divorce. But your husband would have to bring a case against you for adultery and, hmmm…
Mr. Sticklethwaite removes his monocle, stares accusingly.
MR. STICKLETHWAITE
…the recent court case concluded your innocence on that count.
He clears his throat pointedly, puts his monocle back on.
Caroline pushes her chair back, paces the room.
CAROLINE
So, let me understand. I am stuck in a marriage in which I have been a faithful wife, borne my husband three sons, and now have no rights to them?
Mr. Sticklethwaite nods.
CAROLINE
My youngest is just two. He needs his mother. They all do.
Mr. Sticklethwaite picks up a sheet of paper, slowly opens his pen, prepares to dip it in black ink.
MR. STICKLETHWAITE
I could write him a letter.
CAROLINE
How will that help?
Mr. Sticklethwaite shrugs.
Caroline THUMPS her hands down on the desk. Mr. Sticklethwaite flinches.
CAROLINE
Mister Sticklethwaite, I want action. Justice. Justice for me and my children.
MR. STICKLETHWAITE
Lex est iusta.
CAROLINE
No. The law is not just. Not at all.
Caroline picks up her bag, walks to the door.
MR. STICKLETHWAITE
I’ll send you my fee note, Mrs Norton.
CAROLINE
Send it to Mister Norton. He controls everything, does he not?
Caroline slams the door behind her. Mr. Sticklethwaite shakes his head, sniggers, places his pen neatly back in its holder.
EXT. NO 10 DOWNING STREET – DAY
Caroline knocks. It is opened from inside.
INT. NO 10 DOWNING STREET – RECEPTION ROOM – DAY
Melbourne’s Personal Assistant, WILLOUGHBY, 35, works at a desk — outside the PM’s office. Caroline marches in.
WILLOUGHBY
Missus Norton. Good morning.
CAROLINE
Dear Willoughby. It may be for you, but not for me. I need a few minutes of his time.
WILLOUGHBY
He can’t be disturbed right now.
CAROLINE
I’ll wait.
She plonks herself down on a chair. Willoughby shuffles uncomfortably, looks at a diary.
WILLOUGHBY
He has meetings all morning then lunch, then…
CAROLINE
…more meetings. Am I right?
Willoughby flushes, clears his throat.
WILLOUGHBY
He cannot see you today.
CAROLINE
Or tomorrow, I assume? I must—
She makes a bolt for the door, opens it, steps over the threshold.
CAROLINE
Oh!
Caroline freezes.
INT. NO 10 DOWNING STREET – OFFICE – DAY
Melbourne discusses affairs of state seated around a table with four MINISTERS.
Willoughby runs in after.
WILLOUGHBY
Prime Minister, I do apologise.
Melbourne looks at the Ministers.
MELBOURNE
Gentlemen, would you excuse us for a moment, please?
The Ministers collect papers, rise and leave the room, cast their eye disdainfully at Caroline. Willoughby closes the door behind them.
CAROLINE
I’m sorry but I had to see you. I’ve been expecting a letter, some word from you, something – and yet, nothing.
MELBOURNE
I’m under strict orders from my Party to have no contact whatsoever.
CAROLINE
But your name was cleared.
MELBOURNE
My reputation is shaky — at best. We’re hanging on by a lifeline.
CAROLINE
What I’d give for one of those! George keeps my boys captive and doesn’t reply to my letters.
MELBOURNE
I’m sorry.
CAROLINE
And you refuse to see me. This is no life. Or rather, it’s not the life I want.
Caroline slumps in a chair.
MELBOURNE
Beg him to bring them home. Reunite with him. A wife should be with her husband.
Caroline shakes her head.
MELBOURNE
Many couples find a way to live together and pursue their own interests.
CAROLINE
No. He would forbid me to see you. No, I cannot, will not live under those conditions.
A beat.
MELBOURNE
So, what are you minded to do?
CAROLINE
Something that I can only do with your help. We must change the custody laws.
MELBOURNE
We?
CAROLINE
Well, you are the prime minister after all.
MELBOURNE
There’ll be no appetite amongst the Members in the House for that. Furthermore…
CAROLINE
-William. It’s a scandal in our society that mothers have no legal access to their children. Surely you can attest to that. There must be an MP who would take this on. Think! Who can I talk to?
Melbourne ponders.
A KNOCK.
Willoughby pokes his head around the door.
WILLOUGHBY
Your next appointment is in 15 minutes. And…the ministers are still waiting.
MELBOURNE
Thank you, Willoughby.
He leaves.
MELBOURNE
You could try Thomas Talfourd. He represented me in court.
CAROLINE
The junior counsel. I remember him.
MELBOURNE
One of the smartest legal brains around. And a father of young children.
CAROLINE
He sounds promising. Thank you.
She stands, holds out her hands.
MELBOURNE
Don’t tell him it was my idea.
Melbourne squeezes her hands, fondly.
CAROLINE
Would I?!
Caroline grins, cheekily.
INT. NO 10 DOWNING STREET – RECEPTION ROOM – DAY
Caroline strides out, beams triumphantly at the Ministers.
THE END -
Linda’s Key Business Decisions
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s quite difficult to be critical about one’s own work! Especially if you’ve spent many years on it and worked with script consultants. I’d be very keen to hear any comments from fellow students!
• Genre: Drama (historical)
• Title: The Scandalous Mrs Norton
• Concept: The powerful true story of Caroline Norton, an English poet and aristocrat, whose husband forbade her to see their 3 young sons, following his accusation of her adultery. Caroline discovered she had no rights in law as their mother and set about to change the custody laws of Victorian England thereby bringing justice for herself and all other women.
• Audience: Females over 25
• Budget: $10-15m
• Lead Chars:
Caroline, the protagonist, feisty, determined, flirtatious.
George, the antagonist, her weak, abusive husband.
Lord Melbourne, the Prime Minister, the love interest.
• Journey: Caroline starts as a single woman in search of a husband. Persuaded by her mother to marry George, bears him 3 sons who he kidnaps, which propels her to fight the legal system to win back her right to be a mother.
• Opening: Court scene in which George accuses Melbourne of adultery with his wife. Caroline watches, in disguise, from the public gallery
• Ending Caroline celebrating the passing of new custody laws with her sons.
What I could improve:
• While historical dramas are necessarily expensive, I could try to reduce the budget to make it more appealing.
• I don’t think I completely understand ‘Concept’ so probably need to work on this. I realise it’s important. -
Linda’s Specialty – DRAMA
What I learned doing this assignment is that this movie delivers to a very high level on the Drama conventions.
Genre: Drama
Title: Erin BrockovichHow it delivers on the genre conventions:
Character-driven Journey – From the beginning of the movie, we see Erin, a straight-talking, uneducated Mom trying to earn a living to support herself and her 3 kids. She hates that she has never been taken seriously and has always been used by the men in her life. Through the highs and lows, compromised between her work and her family, Erin comes to trust herself and others and prove to herself that she has worth, restoring her self-esteem.High stakes: Both in the plot ie that Erin is fighting for HUGE settlements against one of the largest corporates in America and in her private life, where she must constantly juggle life at work with time with her kids and George. This battle runs all the way through the movie intensifying as the story develops.
Emotionally resonates: Her straight-talking style gets her into lots of problems but also gets her out of some. She exerts bravery even when she doesn’t have it! She feels a failure, unwanted, a bad mom, incapable – all very normal human emotions but learns that she is anything but.
Challenging, emotionally-charged situations: At work, at home, with her clients – each of these presents Erin with difficult challenges.
Outline: Erin Brockovich, a straight-talking, uneducated Mom tries to earn a living to support herself and her 3 kids. She secures a job in a law office only to come up against prejudice and ‘the system’. She battles her way through making mistakes but learning from them, burying herself in one specific case against PG&E. Challenged to the core when her time at work means she has to forgo time with her beloved family, she uses her innate charm and feminine wiles to win access and friends, eventually gaining multi-million $ settlements for her clients and a large bonus cheque for herself. She’s earned the respect of her boss but more importantly, her own self-respect and self-confidence. (Movie is based on a true story). -
Linda’s Linked In profile is (going to be) Amazing!
What I learned doing this assignment is a very good Linked In profile is crucial to my success in attracting writing assignments.ACTION TAKEN – IMMEDIATELY
• Added a link to my own website
• Changed the picture behind my photo (but need a better one)
• Added the ‘Verification’ badge to my profile
• Updated the Education section to bring my writing education into the forefrontACTION – NEXT 30 DAYS
• Amend / upgrade the Introduction text
• See endorsements from those I know/have worked with
• Explore how (?) to put up a short video and music sample
• Start to connect with Producers -
Linda’s Credibility is going up!
What I learned doing this assignment is that Producers need to see that I have the talent and character to hire me and I can influence that to a large degree by taking steps to improve my credibility. Also, it’s important to ‘start small’, gain experience (make mistakes!) and build my credibility and confidence.
Today I had a causal conversation with a friend who has a producer friend who is looking for a writer. The producer has tried 2 writers so far and not happy with either. So, it’s a door that may open. I gave him a 30 second verbal pitch which he will relay to his friend…!
CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST
1. Your Writing Sample
• ‘Recommend’ from Coverage – NO
• Delivers on the genre in a strong way – YES
• Delivers on the business decisions – ?
2. Screenwriting Accomplishments
• Contest wins – YES, 1ST PLACE IN INTERNATIONAL COMPETITION
• Smaller deals (options, sales, writing assignments) – YES BUT IN THEATRE NOT FILM
• Larger deals – NO
• Movies produced – NO
3. The Google factor
Google your name. How many items on the first page show you as a professional screenwriter?
2 ITEMS – A PHOTO AND LINK TO MY LINKED-IN PROFILE. (There is a professional model with the same name as me who comes out on top!)
Buzz posts, interviews, news reports, etc..
4. Your Network
• How many producers are in your network? – 10 PRODUCERS (500+ connections in total)
• How many Connections do you have who are connected to producers? – MAYBE 50
5. Education specific to screenwriting
• Degree in film or screenwriting – NO
• Master Screenwriter Certificate program at ScreenwritingU – NO, BUT COMPLETED A NUMBER OF COURSES; ALSO COURSES AND MENTORING WITH VOYAGE MEDIA IN HOLLYWOOD
6. Borrowed Credibility
• Represented by an agent or manager – NO
• Working with a producer – NOT CURRENTLY
• Connected to a star – NO FAMILY TIES BUT 2 YOUNG ACTORS ARE FRIENDS OF FRIENDS
• Connected to a funding source – POSSIBLY 1
7. IMDB CREDITS
• Go to [url=”http://imdb.com/”]http://IMDB.com[/url] and search your name. What credits show up there for you? NO CREDITS, BUT THAT’S UNDERSTANDABLE AS I HAVENT YET BEEN PRODUCED
8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:
• Novels published – NO
• Producer or director experience – NO
• Experience working with agencies, production companies, film festivals, etc.. – NOACTION TO IMPROVE CREDIBILITY – IN THE FUTURE
• Prepare 2 great writing samples (and pitch decks?) to send out to interested parties
• Ask for referrals to Producers from close connections
• Upgrade my Linked In profile and website
• Enter contests with my finished scripts
• Be bold in my approach to request writing assignmentsACTION TO IMPROVE CREDIBILITY – 2 / 3 STEPS IN NEXT 30 DAYS
• Upgrade my Linked In profile (do people pay for the Premium service on Linked In?)
• Prepare the writing samples (once we’ve covered this in class) -
LINDA’S Projects and Insights:
The 2 projects I am bringing in are:
1. Idea to create – Conspiracy of Ravens. A crime drama set in northern Iceland inspired by the last woman to be beheaded. Budget $1-5m.
2. Finished script – The Scandalous Mrs Norton. A historical drama based on the life of the woman who changed the custody laws in Victorian England. Budget $15-40m.What I learned from the opening teleconference:
Writing scripts on assignment is a different process to writing a speculative script. Firstly, I am writing to another person’s idea and vision and secondly, I am working in close collaboration with them to create the final version. Since the majority of scripts in Hollywood (and elsewhere?) are commissioned in this way, it makes sense to understand the process and position myself to be credible for an assignment.
Getting paid is a bonus but I understand the fee is unlikely to be high at the outset. The important point though, is I can market myself as a ‘commissioned writer’ and the fees will increase if I do a good job.
Building a network of producers is crucial. Asking for referrals to other producers will be easier when I have completed a good job.
I feel very excited about this course and look forward to meeting my fellow writers and to learning more about writing assignments. -
LINDA’S Projects and Insights
The 2 projects I am bringing in are:
1. Idea to create – Conspiracy of Ravens. A crime drama set in northern Iceland inspired by the last woman to be beheaded. Budget $1-5m.
2. Finished script – The Scandalous Mrs Norton. A historical drama based on the life of the woman who changed the custody laws in Victorian England. Budget $15-40m.What I learned from the opening teleconference:
Writing scripts on assignment is a different process to writing a speculative script. Firstly, I am writing to another person’s idea and vision and secondly, I am working in close collaboration with them to create the final version. Since the majority of scripts in Hollywood (and elsewhere?) are commissioned in this way, it makes sense to understand the process and position myself to be credible for an assignment.
Getting paid is a bonus but I understand the fee is unlikely to be high at the outset. The important point though, is I can market myself as a ‘commissioned writer’ and the fees will increase if I do a good job.
Building a network of producers is crucial. Asking for referrals to other producers will be easier when I have completed a good job.I feel very excited about this course and look forward to meeting my fellow writers and to learning more about writing assignments.
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Hi Hal, Cheryl and everyone
My name is Linda Walton and I live in London, UK.
I’ve written 4 completed screenplays, all of which have won a placing in international competitions, but nothing yet produced. I’ve recently become a little dejected by this speculative writing process, because having taken many courses (including some great Screenwriting U ones) and worked with professional script consultants to get my work to industry standard, I’ve been unable to find a producer to take any of them on. This course has come just at the right time!
I started my writing career in theatre writing the ‘book’ in two stage musicals. It was a highly collaborative process from the get-go so I am used to working closely with other creatives, and look forward to learning more about how to do this in the screen world. Also, I have a business background much of which involved sales, so hoping to bring some of that experience to the party too.
What I hope to achieve – I hope to feel fully inspired and equipped to approach producers and to know more about what they are looking for in a writer they are looking to hire.
Something unique – I’ve been a keen tennis player since I was 9 and have just been invited to join a ‘seniors’ county squad (at my advanced age!!).
As I’m based in the UK, my posts will necessarily be a little later, but I have cleared the decks for the program!
Can’t wait to meet my fellow class students. -
LINDA WALTON
GROUP RELEASE FORM.
I agree to the terms of this release form.
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.-
This reply was modified 7 months ago by LINDA Walton.
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This reply was modified 7 months ago by
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My 5 ideas for contained screenplays are:
Title: ICE-O-LATED
CONTAINED ENVIRONMENT – a remote farm in northern Iceland
CONTAINED CHARACTERS – 2 Maids, a farmhand and the farmer
DIFFICULT SITUATION – farmer is a tyrant
REASON FOR CONTAINMENT – they need the work / farm miles from anywhere
Title: CAUSEWAY CRISIS
CONTAINED ENVIRONMENT – Small hut on the causeway to Holy Island (island off north east coast of England)
CONTAINED CHARACTERS – a married couple
DIFFICULT SITUATION – they hate each other
REASON FOR CONTAINMENT – the sea has risen and trapped them in.
Title: TANGO TRYST
CONTAINED ENVIRONMENT – a Bar in the back streets of Buenos Aires
CONTAINED CHARACTERS – a couple and the former sweetheart of the girl
DIFFICULT SITUATION – a classic love triangle
REASON FOR CONTAINMENT – Sweetheart is not leaving without the girl
Title: THE GARDEN OF DIFFICULT PEOPLE
CONTAINED ENVIRONMENT – a lush garden (later to be revealed she has died / it is heaven)
CONTAINED CHARACTERS – a woman and 4 friends
DIFFICULT SITUATION – she must listen to unpleasant truths before she can leave
REASON FOR CONTAINMENT- the friends have the keys to the locked gates.
Title: THE PERSECUTED PRIEST
CONTAINED ENVIRONMENT – a church
CONTAINED CHARACTERS – priest, 3 members of the congregation in bible study
DIFFICULT SITUATION – 3 friends want to sack the priest
REASON FOR CONTAINMENT – they won’t leave until he agrees.
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Linda Walton. I agree to the terms of this release form.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by LINDA Walton.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Hi everyone. My name is Linda and I live in London, UK. I’ve taken several of Hal’s classes and each time been inspired and informed so looking forward to this one too! As I’m 8 hours ahead of CA, I will likely pick up the class the following day and respond then.
I won an award for my first screenplay which encouraged me to take the classes and learn what I should be doing! Before that, I wrote musical theatre and had 2 shows on stage in the UK. It’s still an art form I love and will write another musical when I find the right partner (composer, as I don’t write music).
Like Veleka, I don’t write horror and a lot of contained movies seem to be horror so I’m curious to learn which other genres can work in this format. Drama? Comedy?!
Look forward to sharing our work together.
Linda x
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by LINDA Walton.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by LINDA Walton.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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I’m happy to do that, Karen!
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Hi Karen
I’ve used ChatGPT successfully for ‘brainstorming’ ideas, concepts, titles, loglines etc and feel it gives good feedback but haven’t (and I don’t think I would) use it to write scenes. Linda 🙂 -
Hi Karen
Would you like to do a producer interview with me? It’ll be my 2nd and I’m very keen to do another one. I live in London, UK so we’ll have to sort times if you agree! Linda