Lisa Molenda
Forum Replies Created
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Lisa’s Pitch for “Jane the Vegan”
What I learned doing this assignment is that if you just do it, then it’s not as difficult as it seems.
A. Genre: Horror Comedy
B. Title: Jane the Vegan
C. High Concept: A vegan gets turned into a vampire
D. Main Conflict: Jane struggles to maintain her ethical code as she needs human blood to survive.
E. Transformational Journey: Jane is having difficulty controlling her cravings for blood. She resists killing her mom and the squirrels, but finally gives in when her snarky anti-vegan colleague teases her about her veganism and she feast on his blodd, sealing her fate as a vampire
F. Opposition: The vampires of orange county, who own all the factory farms and the human farms no one in the human society knows about.
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1. Name?
Lisa Molenda
2. How many scripts you’ve written?
2 pilots with bibles/binge-worthy framework, 3 features, numerous shorts, 2 pilots in progress
3. What you hope to get out of the class? Continuous improvement for a quality script.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you?
I do flying trapeze for fun. It’s how I learned I was afraid of heights.
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Lisa Molenda
I agree to these terms
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Lisa’s Query Letter Draft One
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m going into uncharted territory and it feels uncomfortable. I still feel like I need to know more before sending it out, or maybe I just need to do it. I would love some input on my query letter. Thanks!
Hi (name)
“Where do you get your protein?” is a question Jane gets asked all day every day. Annoying, yes but is it really worth killing over?
After Jane gets hit by a slaughterhouse truck doing animal activism, a vampire saves her life by giving her some of his blood. Initially, Jane chooses to die as she should have and spend her final hours with her sick mother, but she gives in to the temptation, biting her annoying co-worker and sealing her destiny as a vampire. The vampires of Orange County happen to be famous vampires from literature: Bram Stoker, Mina, Lucy and Vlad. What Jane doesn’t know is that the blood they had been supplying her with comes from farmed humans who have been taken off the streets of OC to provide the vampires blood against their will.
A group of rednecks believe the vampires have a secret society like the Illuminati that controls every aspect of their lives through brainwashing, secret meetings under pizza parlors, bird surveillance, etc. Most people think that they are just crazy, but they’re actually right, except vegans can’t be compelled, so the vampires want to put an end to veganism.
This story is unique because we haven’t seen a vegan as the protagonist, especially not a vegan vampire who is a black woman pursuing her doctorate in medical research. Veganism is trending right now among celebrities and everyday people. The plant-based treaty was just unanimously passed by Los Angeles City Council, which will help to shift to a plant-based food system to mitigate the climate crisis, which makes Jane the Vegan a very timely story which can educate while being hilarious and amusing.
Melinda and Lisa first went vegan more than 25 years ago when their mother went vegan. Not knowing the term, they pronounced it wrong until they finally met other vegans. They co-wrote on a feature Film, Guillotine, currently in post production, and their script, Jane The Vegan is currently rated in the top 35% on Coverfly.
I would love to send you the script!
If anyone would like to exchange input, you can email me at Lisa.molenda@gmail.com
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What I learned doing this assignment is that a lot of these producers are seemingly unreachable. It’s going to be some work to get in touch with them or their people.
Lisa Molenda’s Target Market
Jane the Vegan
A dark comedy series about a vegan who gets turned into a vampire, and struggles to keep her moral code, while needing blood to survive.
Shows similar to Jane the Vegan
1. Barry
Producers of Barry:
Alec Berg
Bill Hader
Aida Rodgers
Elizabeth Sarnoff
Emily Heller
Amy Solomon
Julie Camino
Jason Kim
Arturs Rusis
Kris Baucom
Ben Smith
Davin Michaels
Duffy Boudreau
John T. McCracken
Sarah Solemani
Megan Murphy
Johnny Brady
2. What We Do in the Shadows
Producers:
1.Garrett Basch
+13102345617 phone
2. Jemaine Clement
3. Ingrid Lageder
4. Paul Simms
5. Taika Waititi
3. Wednesday
Producers:
Kayla Alpert
Gail Berman
Tim Burton
Jonathan Glickman
Carla Gonzalez Vargas
Alfred Gough
Tommy Harper
Nick Lannelli
Kevin Lafferty
Miles Millar
David Minkowski
Kevin Miserocchi
Andrew Mittman
Carmen Pepelea
Steve Stark
Natalie Testa
Todd Williams
4.The End of the Fucking World
producers:
Andy Baker
Dominic Buchanon
Charlie Covell
Jonathan Entwistle
Murray Furgason
Ed MacDonald
Petra Fried
Rhian Griffiths
Liz Lewin
Kate Ogborn
Jenny Frayn
Vaughan Watkins (line producer)
5.The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window
producers:
Kristen Bell- representative Scott Winston 212-832–4008
Hugh Davidson
Larry Dorf
Jessica Elbaum
Will Ferrell
Michael Lehmann
Curt Moritz
Marti Noxon
Rachael Ramras
Brittney Segal
Danielle Weinstock
6. Pushing Daisies
Producers:
Bruce Cohen
Bryan Fuller (II)
Livia Hanich
Dan Jinks
Barry Sonnenfeld
Scott Nimerfro
Peter Ocko
Dylan K. Massin
Gretchen J. Berg
Aaron Harberts
Davey Holmes
Douglas Petrie
Lawrence Trilling
Rina Mimoun
Brooke Kennedy
Mark S. Glick
Adam Kane
Graham Place (II)
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Lisa’s Phone Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that your phone pitch doesn’t have to be memorized and that shorter and more concise is better.
Strategy:
Lead with high concept: Vegan who gets turned into a vampire
“Hi I’m Lisa Molenda and I was wondering if I could run a quick log line by you?”
What’s the budget range?What’s the budget range? 30 million per season
Who do you see in the main roles? Lizzo, Tabitha Brown.
How many pages is the script? 44
Who else has seen this? We entered it into a pitch competition and were rated in the top 30% on Coverfly.
Why do you think this fits our company? It’s in a similar tone as Barry, and will have a similar budget.
How does the show end?
The Pilot ends with Jane feasting on oher coworker, sealing her fate as a vampire. Season one ends with Jane finding out that the blood the vampires had been supplying her was coming from human farms.
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Lisa Molenda’s Pitch Fest Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to be concise and put all the most important hooks in the pitch.
Hi, I’m Lisa Molenda, and I’m a produced screenwriter. I have a dark comedy called Jane the Vegan. It’s about a vegan activist who gets turned into a vampire, and struggles to keep her moral code, while needing blood to survive. The budget range is medium- high. We would like to have Lizzo and Tabitha brown for the lead roles. In the story, Jane is in school for her PHD and she is being followed by a vampire, Marc, who follows her to a pig vigil, where Jane gets run over by a slaughterhouse truck. Marc, having fallen in love with Jane, saves her by giving her some of his blood and taking her to his house to recover from the crash. Jane wakes up, realizing she left her sick mother at home in the care of her brother, and rushes back, finding him furious. Meanwhile, Jane’s teacher , Dr. Berkwood is panicking since she saw Jane get hit and doesn’t know if she’s alive or dead. Jane calls out of her classes, and Dr. Berkwood sends the annoying, anti-vegan lab assistant who has a crush on Jane, to check on her. Jane’s blood lust has gotten stronger, and she ends up feeding on him at the end of the first episode, sealing her fate as a vampire.
I helped write the film, Guillotine, which is in post-production and expected to be released in 2023.
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Lisa’s Query Letter
I learned that shorter is better and too many details can get in the way. That said, I think my synopsis could have less words but I’m struggling with which ones to get rid of. Feedback is appreciated.
“Where do you get your protein?” is a question Jane gets asked all day long. Annoying, yes but is it really worth killing over?
When Jane, a vegan activist, gets turned into a vampire, she has to survive off of blood, avoid vampire hunting rednecks, and the vampires who want her dead all while trying to maintain her moral code which does not allow her to harm sentient beings to live. After Jane gets hit by a truck at a Pig vigil a vampire saves her life. The problem is, she has to drink blood to stay alive and thus become a vampire. While attempting to come to terms with her death and spend her final hours on Earth with her sick mother, she gives in to the temptation, biting her annoying co-worker and sealing her destiny as a vampire. The vampires of Orange County, just happen to be some famous vampires from literature. Bram Stoker, Mina, Lucy and Vlad are all alive and living in OC. They have their own blood bank, provide her with blood so she doesn’t have to hunt but she doesn’t know that they are farming humans for blood against their will. They “clean up” the streets of Orange County by taking the unhoused people to the blood farms.
A group of rednecks believe the vampires have a secret society like the Illuminati that controls every aspect of their lives through brainwashing, secret meetings under pizza parlors, bird surveillance, etc. Most people think that they are just crazy, but the older vampires HAVE established a secret society and are brainwashing people with their powers- except vegans can’t be compelled, so they want to put an end to the vegans.
This story is unique because we haven’t seen a vegan as the protagonist, especially not a vegan vampire who is a black woman pursuing her doctorate in medical research. Veganism is trending right now among celebrities and everyday people. The plant-based treaty was just unanimously passed by Los Angeles City Council and other cities have adopted it, which is helping people to shift to a plant-based food system to mitigate the climate crisis, which makes Jane the Vegan a very timely story which can educate while being ridiculously fun and funny.
Co-writers, Melinda and Lisa first went vegan more than 25 years ago when their mother went vegan. Not knowing the term, they pronounced it wrong until they finally met other vegans. They co-wrote on a feature Film, Guillotine, currently in post production and their script, Jane The Vegan is currently rated in the top 35% on Coverfly.
I would love to send you the script!
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Lisa’s Synopsis Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is that writing a synopsis isn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. It just needed a little organization.
Hooks:
1. Unique. We’ve never seen a vegan as the protagonist or a vegan vampire- especially a vegan or vampire who is pursuing a career in medical science
2. Timely — Veganism is trending. Vegan influencers and celebrities are blowing up right now and going vegan is the biggest thing an individual can do to reduce their contribution to pollution on the planet, more than driving an electric car or using solar energy so its becoming more important to our survival on this planet.
3. The vampires are farming humans for blood
4. The vampires “clean up” the streets of orange county by taking homeless people to the blood farms.
5. A bunch of rednecks believe the vampires have a secret society that is controlling every aspect of their lives through brainwashing.
6. The vampires are actually brainwashing people with their powers
7. Vegans can’t be compelled by the vampires, and they want to put an end to veganism.
8. Jane finally gives in and bites her coworker.
First Draft
Jane, a vegan activist, gets turned into a vampire and has to survive off of blood, avoiding vampire hunting rednecks and the vampires who want her dead, without losing her moral code. She finally gives in, biting her coworker and sealing her destiny as a vampire. She begins getting blood from the vampires or Orange County, who have their own blood bank, but she doesn’t know that they are farming humans for blood against their will. They “clean up” the streets of Orange County by taking the unhoused people to the blood farms. A group of Rednecks believe the vampires have a secret society that is controlling every aspect of their lives through brainwashing, and most people think that they are just crazy, but the vampires are brainwashing people with their powers, except vegans can’t be compelled, so they want to put an end to veganism.
This story is unique because we haven’t seen a vegan as the protagonist, especially not a vegan vampire who is black and also pursuing a career in medical science. Veganism is trending right now among celebrities and everyday people. The plant-based treaty was just unanimously passed by Los Angeles City Council, which will help to shift to a plant-based food system to mitigate the climate crisis, which makes Jane the Vegan very timely.
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Lisa’s High Concept/ Elevator Pitch
“A vegan activist gets turned into a vampire, and has to survive off of blood, avoiding vampire hunting rednecks and the vampires who want her dead, without losing her moral code.”
What I learned doing this assignment is that the elevator pitch doesn’t have to be that complicated. The simpler and more concise, the better.
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Lisa’s 10 Most Interesting Things
Jane is a vegan activist who gets turned into a vampire
The vampires are farming humans for blood
The vampires “clean up” the streets of orange county by taking homeless people to the blood farms.
A bunch of rednecks believe the vampires have a secret society that is controlling every aspect of their lives through brainwashing.
The vampires are actually brainwashing people with their powers
Vegans can’t be compelled by the vampires, and they want to put an end to veganism.
The vampires had planned on killing Jane all along, but don’t know that Marc turned her into a vampire
Jane finally gives in and bites her coworker
Being out in the sun causes extreme flatulence
When Dr. Berkwood and her husband are talking about cheating on veganism, her husband is talking about cheating on their relationship
The Villian, Lucy, has been around for hundreds of years and she is still shallow and vapid as she was when she was young, and still out for herself.
What I learned sign this assignment is that I have a lot of interesting things about my series, but that there’s a smart way to deliver it to make it more appealing to producers.
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Lisa Molenda Producer/ Manager
1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer?
I would present myself as a bubbly, well put together and knowledgeable screenwriter. I would give them information about who I would like to see cast in various roles, who could potentially direct it, and what the projected budget might be.
2. How will you present yourself and your project to the manager?
I would tell them the things that make my project unique and marketable and to what audiences they would attract. I would also have all of my backup scripts ready to present as well so that they can see that I am a serious writer with lots of ideas and works in the making.
What I learned today is that producers and managers have different interests when it comes to how they approach a person they want to work with.
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Lisa Molenda’s Marketable Components in Jane The Vegan
What I learned during this assignment is how to identify and organize the biggest selling points of my script. I have been aware of these components but never took the time to write them all down and try to elevate the most important aspects. I think this will benefit me when I go to pitch.
1. Logline: Jane, a vegan activist and biomedical research phD candidate gets turned into a vampire after a terrible accident, leaving her struggling to maintain her ethics as a vegan though she has to consume blood to “live.”
2. 10 Components of Marketability- The two top elements are in bold. Would love feedback if anyone thinks something else is more of a draw than what I selected.
A. Unique. We’ve never seen a vegan as the protagonist or a vegan vampire- especially a vegan or vampire who is pursuing a career in medical science.<div>
<div>
B. Great Title- Everyone Loves Jane The Vegan. The backup if I cannot trademark the title due to it’s similarity to Jane the Virgin is The Real Vampires of Orange County
C. True. N/A
D. Timely — Veganism is trending. Vegan influencers and celebrities are blowing up right now and going vegan is the biggest thing an individual can do to reduce their contribution to pollution on the planet, more than driving an electric car or using solar energy so its becoming more important to our survival on this planet.
E. It’s a first. I’ve never seen a vegan vampire in anything but maybe it exists.
F. Ultimate. In this world vampires are behind many of the world’s problems and scandals and the run a secret organization similar to the Illuminati
G. Wide audience appeal- teens and young adults are the fastest growing population of vegan and they love vampire movies. It’s also a comedy which tends to be a draw for all audiences though it would be too dark for children.
H. Adapted from a popular book. N/A
I. Similarity to a box-office success. Similar to What We Do in the Shadows which had a budget of $1.6 million and has made $7million. The TV version polls well with audiences of all ages averaging above 8.0 on IMDB across all demographics except under 18 women though I believe it is because it’s a male dominated cast.
J. A great role for a bankable actor. I want Lizzo to play the lead. It would be a great role for her and would make the character like nothing we’ve seen in this style of movie. She isn’t well-known as an actor but she is very popular and has produced a successful reality show and has other things in the works as well she has a first look deal with Amazon.
3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate those two components for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through the two components.
***will edit later need to sleep on it**
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Lisa Molenda Project and Market
Genre: Dark Comedy
Title: Jane The Vegan TV series
Concept: A vegan activist gets in a terrible accident which causes her to be turned into a vampire. She struggles to keep her vegan ethics while jugging work as a biomedical research PhD student and primary caretaker for her ailing mother all while trying to subvert the plans of the real vampires of Orange County.
What’s most attractive about your story:
It’s a unique story in a world we haven’t seen in television (vegan activism) with elements and characters from well-known vampire folklore wrapped in a dark, twisted comedy.
Target FIRST:
I want to target actors’ production companies as I have two specific actors in mind for this and producers. I also don’t currently have representation so I want to submit to managers as well. I am looking to target people and companies interested in producing projects with minority and female led casts and more importantly I want to target producers and actors who are vegan and who produce vegan or environmentally conscious projects.
What I learned today is: I need a great pitch and marketing package to get my script out there and then I can focus on improving and refining my script.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Lisa Molenda.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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1. Lisa Molenda
2. I’ve written about 15 scripts. Nine are short films for students.
3. Having written a couple TV series now. One using the binge worthy class, I’m hoping to figure out the next step to getting the TV shows to the people who can help me get them produced since I have no clue.
4. Something unique special or strange: I have all three. Unique: I’m a flying trapeze artist. I love it. Special: I have a pet squirrel who I consider my child. Strange: I am really good at being spooky. I have played Boris Karloff’s Mummy, was the only woman to get cast playing The Wolfman, and have played a Walking Dead Walker , La Llorona, a culebra stripper (From Dusk Till Dawn), and a Martha Washington the Purger at Universal Studios in Hollywood.
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Lisa Molenda- I agree to the terms in this release form.
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Lisa has amazing description
What I learned doing this assignment is that I could make things a little more concise without taking anything away from it.
examples:
1. before:
Marc is staring into her eyes now. It’s like Jane notices his piercing eyes for the first time. She gets lost for a second but Marc breaks his gaze, looking past her. He sees Lucy, a beautiful, pleasant, and sadistic red head, a colleague and arch enemy of Marc, as she removes her pig mask. She’s wearing a “vegans taste better” hoodie.
after:
Marc is staring into her eyes now. She gets lost in his gaze for a moment but Marc breaks his gaze, looking past her. He sees Lucy, a beautiful, pleasant, and sadistic red head, a colleague and arch enemy of Marc. She removes her pig mask. She’s wearing a “vegans taste better” hoodie.
2. before:
CAMERA PANS ACROSS THE MURAL SHOWING A FEW ANIMALS FLOATING UP IN THE CLOUDS WEARING HALOS. FOLLOW THIR EYELINE DOWN TO A FAMILY SITTING AT A PICNIC TABLE EATING BURGERS, CHICKEN NUGGETS AND BACON. THEY’RE HAPPY AND SMILING. FOLLOW THEIR EYELINE TO FARMER PETE, WHO STANDS SMILING, WAVING AND WEARING AN APRON WITH JUST A FEW SPLATTERS OF BLOOD ON IT. HE HOLDS A HATCHET AND STANDS OUTSIDE A BARN STRUCTURE
after:
A large mural spans across the building with a few pigs, cows and chickens wearing halos as they float into the clouds. Below them, a family sits at a picnic table eating burgers, chicken nuggets and bacon. They’re happy and smiling. The family looks to Farmer Pete, who stands smiling, waving and wearing an apron with light blood spatter on it. He holds a hatchet and stands outside a barn structure.
3.
before:
POV OF UNKNOWN PERSON WATCHING JANE FROM OUTSIDE HER HOUSE. CAMERA MOVES OUTSIDE THE HOUSE FROM THE BEDROOM WINDOW FOLLOWING HER THROUGH THE HOUSE AND INTO THE KITCHEN.
after:
Someone unseen watches her from outside.
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Lisa has Great Introductions
What I learned doing this assignment is that I didn’t have very strong introductions at first. I was glad to be able to improve hem, and since I already have the script written, it was easy to make them more memorable.
I added some irony to a coupe of the characters. There was some irony already there, which I was proud of. I added some more detail when describing the characters, making them have it more personality and intrigue. It was fun!
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Lisa Description 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that I still want to change some things, but haven’t thought about how. I think it’s good overall, but reading it again I think I want to change some things.
examples
1. before:
Dr. Berkwood gets a phone call and answers it.
after:
Dr. Berkwood’s phone rings.
INSERT OF DR BERKWOOD’S PHONE. IT SAYS INCOMING CALL- JANE WITH A LEAF emoji NEXT TO HER NAME.
Dr. Berkwood hastily answers it.
2. before:
Jane can’t shake the feeling that someone is watching her. She turns and sees a crow fly past the window, then looks back to Elizabeth who weakly smiles and nods, staring at Jane as if she were some kind of celebrity. So proud.
after:
She turns and is startled by a crow flying past the window. She looks back to Elizabeth, who weakly smiles and nods, staring at Jane so proudly.
3. before:
<font face=”inherit”>Marc Walks into the </font>classroom<font face=”inherit”>. Jane is taken by Marc’s handsomeness, but she maintains her professionalism.</font>
after:
Marc walks into the classroom. Jane stops to notice him. Her jaw drops at the sight of him, but she regains her composure.
4. before:
Marc walks through the door.
after:
Marc walks through the door. Dr Berkwood is doign some paperwork. She notices Marc, and takes off her glasses.
5. before: Marc puts a folder on the table. Dr. Berkwood stares into his eyes as if entranced, but shakes it off. She gives Marc a look.
after:
Marc puts a folder on the table, his eyes not leaving Dr. Berkwood’s. She stares into his eyes a moment as if entranced but shakes it off. She opens the folder and makes a confused face as she reads. She gives Marc an annoyed look.
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Lisa has great dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment was that I have great dialogue within me. I had several scenes I didn’t know could be improved so much by changing the dialogue. Something magical happened when I was writing different options for dialogue and I started coming up with ideas to make it more concise, witty and clever.
Here are some examples of lines that I changed:
1.
before:
This is Jane. Isn’t she ethereal? I mean she’s practically a Disney Princess.
after:
This is Jane. A real life Snow White. Is that the one who made friends with all the animals?
2.
before:
Yes mama. I’ll get you some.
after:
Orange juice, coming right up. Would like anything else?
3.
before:
Alright, sweetie. Thanks for breakfast. This is the most delicious breakfast.
after:
Alright, sweetie. Thank you for the delicious breakfast.
4.
before:
No. Where do you get your protein from?
after:
No. I was vegan for like a week and became anemic. Where do you get your protein?
5.
before:
Hey you made it. You know, it might be easier to wake up in the morning if you weren’t vegan. Where do you get your protein anyway?
after:
You look tired. The vegan thing must be taking a toll on you. Where do you get your protein anyway?
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Lisa’s dialogue 7-8
What I learned doing this lesson is that there is a way to improve things that aren’t great in my script.
there was a line “No thanks. I definitely wouldn’t pay for it with you.” and I changed it to “you want me to pay you? Get out of my office.”
<font face=”inherit”>I </font>changed<font face=”inherit”> </font>another<font face=”inherit”> line from “is there </font>something<font face=”inherit”> you’re trying to tell me.” to “no matter how juicy the burger, it’s still unethical and cruel.”</font>
<font face=”inherit”>I also changed the rest of that scene. I </font>might<font face=”inherit”> </font>change<font face=”inherit”> it again. Can’t decide right now.</font>
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What I learned doing this assignment is to not overthink things. Just do them and you’ll get a lot more done.
I added this scene, so there’s no before:
INT. COFFEE SHOP- DAY
Jane is at the counter, ordering coffee
JANE
I’d like an milk latte, please.
She notices the pastry case.
JANE
Oh, vegan chocolate loaf? I’ll take one of those, too.
CASHIER
Are you vegan?
JANE
Yes.
CASHIER
Where do you get your protein from?
JANE
Plants. Same way cows get theirs.
Here’s another scene I changed because I just didn’t like the dialogue. I was trying to show the relationship between Jane and DR. Berkwood. Here is the before:
INT. LAB- DAY
Class has ended and Jane is putting away the equipment. Doloris comes out of her office.
DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD
How’d it go?
Jane
Good. They didn’t throw tomatoes at me or drop any vials. Didn’t have to call HASMAT.
DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD
You’re doing just fine, honey. Now don’t let them bring any tomatoes. We don’t need any OSHA fines for food in the lab.
JANE
I don’t know how you did it, Dr. Berkwood. It’s hard work.
DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD
Well, I studied really hard, and smoked a lot of weed.
They both laugh.
DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD
Which I think you could use to take the edge off these days. (Whispers) I have a lot of ganja in my car if you wanna have a little smoke sesh after you’re done here.
JANE
Oh, no thank you. I appreciate it, but I just like to keep a clear mind. I do support you, though. My mom takes edibles, medicinally.
DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD
Is she sick?
JANE
Yeah, cancer. It helps her with the pain. Makes her say some funny shit, too. Not so much lately though.
Dr. Berkwood puts her hand on Jane’s shoulder.
DR. BERKWOOD
Well, honey, don’t burn yourself out. You can take Family leave if you need, and I’ll be more than happy to cover for you.
JANE
Thank you. I think I’ll be okay. I like to stay busy. It keeps my mind off things.
Jane gathers her things.
DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD
Well, don’t let me keep you. Hey, they have vegan empanadas in the cafe today. They’re pretty ok.
JANE
Thanks, but I brought my lunch. Never know what to expect from that place.
Jane grabs her belongings and walks out.
and AFTER:
INT. LAB- DAY
Class has ended and Jane is putting away the equipment. Doloris comes out of her office.
DR. BERKWOOD
How you holding up?
Jane is startled by Dr. Berkwood’s voice.
JANE
Fine. Just have some stuff at home I’m dealing with.
DR. BERKWOOD
How’s your mom?
JANE
Not great, but she’s hanging in there.
Jane gathers her things.
DR. BERKWOOD
I’m sorry to hear that.
JANE
Yeah.
Jane continues packing her things.
DR. BERKWOOD
Well, you can take family medical leave if needed.
JANE
Thank you. I’m fine though. I like to stay busy. Keeps my mind off of things.
Jane has finished gathering her things and looks at the time.
DR. BERKWOOD
Well, don’t let me keep you. Hey, see you at the vigil tonight?
JANE
I’ll do my best to be there.
Jane grabs her belongings and walks out.
Here’s another scene I changed BEFORE:
INT. ART STUDIO- DAY
Heather is painting as Jane is sitting at a table, eating lunch.
HEATHER
So, Ammo’s having another show tonight.
JANE
There’s a pig Vigil tonight. I thought you were going with me.
HEATHER
Well he’s playing at the encampment, which is a bigger, way cooler venue downtown. You should go.
JANE
Even if there wasn’t a vigil, I still wouldn’t go. Ammo hates vegans.
HEATHER
But he likes us. He invited us to his show for a discounted rate. Also, he keeps telling me I can’t get sufficient vitamin D as a vegan, and he recommended this supplement called the D, and he said it’s vegan.
Jane rolls her eyes.
HEATHER
What? Ammo is pretty book-smart. He works with you.
JANE
As a lab technician. He barely passed undergrad. I’m working on my PhD in biomedical research. You do see the difference, right?
HEATHER
Of course, but he didn’t have the same opportunities as you.
JANE
That makes no sense. We went to the same high school. I worked my ass off to pay my way through college, while he was smoking weed with his band mates for four years.
HEATHER
Well I’m just saying, you’re naturally smart, and he had to learn from books.
Jane gives heather a frustrated look.
JANE
What does that even mean?
HEATHER
Well, like school is a social construct, just like veganism, which I’m not saying I’m not going to be vegan anymore, but we do the things we do because we are taught that’s the way we are supposed to do it, like religion, you know?
JANE
Says the girl who got kidnapped by two cults.
HEATHER
The second one didn’t kidnap me. They just offered me a job in Las Vegas that I never took.
JANE
Only because I talked you out of it… Hey, I understand you can’t make it to the vigil, and that’s okay.
Jane’s phone rings.
JANE
I gotta go! Just remember to trust your intuition. Enjoy the concert.
Jane gets up hastily and walks from the studio as she answers her phone.
JANE
Hi Mom…. Oh… what? Ok I’m on my way.
and AFTER:
INT. ART STUDIO- DAY
Heather is painting as Jane is sitting at a table, eating lunch.
HEATHER
So, Ammo’s having a show tonight.
JANE
There’s a vigil tonight. I thought you were going with me.
HEATHER
Well he’s playing at the encampment, which is a bigger, way cooler venue downtown. You should go.
JANE
Bigger than a slaughterhouse?
Heather laughs. Jane is unamused
HEATHER
You know what I mean.
JANE
Even if there wasn’t a vigil, I still wouldn’t go. Ammo hates vegans.
HEATHER
But he likes us. He even gave us a discount, since we lack vitamin D. He said he has some really good D he can give us, and it’s vegan.
Jane rolls her eyes. Heather is completely oblivious.
HEATHER
What? Ammo is smart. He works with you.
JANE
As a lab technician. You do see the difference, right?
HEATHER
Of course, but he didn’t have the same opportunities as you.
JANE
That makes no sense. We went to the same high school. I worked my ass off to pay my way through college, while he was smoking weed with his band mates.
HEATHER
Well I’m just saying, you’re naturally smart, and he had to learn from books.
Jane gives heather a frustrated look.
JANE
I gotta go. Enjoy the concert.
Jane gets up hastily and walks from the studio. Heather calls out as she’s leaving
HEATHER
I’ll wear a vegan T-shirt!
Jane answers her phone.
another BEFORE scene:
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY-DAY
JANE
Hi Mom…. Oh… what? Ok I’m on my way.
As Jane rounds the corner, she bumps right into Marc. She realizes it’s the cute guy who interrupted her class.
MARC
My apologies
JANE
No, it’s my bad. I was in a hurry.
Marc holds out his hand
MARC
I’m Marc
Jane shakes his hand. She gets chills from touching him as he smiles and locks eyes with him.
MARC
Well, I’m actually glad I bumped into you. I wanted to ask if you have any tips for keeping up in the PHD program, but I know you’re in a hurry.
JANE
Yes, but, another time.
Jane starts to walk away, but notices a pamphlet in Marc’s hand for the pig vigil.
JANE
Oh, are you going to the vigil tonight?
Marc
Yeah, I wanted to go pay my respects.
JANE
Are you vegan?
MARC
I never thought about it, but recently I started to think more about where my food is coming from.
JANE
Well that’s a great start. I’ll see you tonight.
MARC
See you, Jane.
Jane smiles at Marc as she walks away, briskly.
Marc starts walking the other way until he sees that Jane is out of sight. He turns around and follows her.
and AFTER:
INT. HALLWAY- DAY
JANE
Hi Mom…. what?! Ok I’m on my way.
As Jane rounds the corner, she bumps right into Marc. She realizes it’s the cute guy who interrupted her class.
MARC
My apologies
JANE
No, it’s my fault. I was in a hurry.
Marc holds out his hand
MARC
I’m Marc.
Jane shakes his hand. She gets chills from touching him as he smiles and locks eyes with him.
MARC
Well, I’m actually glad I bumped into you. I wanted to ask if you have any tips for keeping up in the PHD program, but I see you’re in a hurry.
JANE
Yeah… another time.
Jane notices a pamphlet in Marc’s hand for the pig vigil.
JANE
Oh, are you going to the vigil tonight?
Marc
Yeah, I wanted to go pay my respects.
JANE
Are you vegan?
MARC
I don’t eat animals. I’m just not fully vegan yet.
JANE
Cheese, right?
MARC
You got me.
JANE
It’s addictive because it turns to morphine in your system.
MARC
Wow, that’s good to know.
Jane smiles at Marc as she walks away, briskly.
MARC
See you tonight!
Marc starts walking the other way until he sees that Jane is out of sight. He turns around and follows her.
Another scene I added:
EXT. CLASSROOM-EVENING
Dr Berkwood is leading a meeting in front of a group of vegans.
DR. BERKWOOD
Now remember this is a peaceful event, so no screaming, nothing agressive. This is to comfort the animals and bring our message of love for all beings.
An activist raises her hand
ACTIVIST 1
But what about being angry for a good cause? Like righteous anger.
DR. BERKWOOD
well, you have to have compassion for people too.
Another activist chimes in
ACTIVIST 2
But, you said that animal agriculture is like slavery. We should free the slaves!
More activists chime in. Several people leave and are talking over Dr. Berkwood.
DR. BERKWOOD
No, that’s not a good idea! We don’t want anyone going to jail over this.
Dr. Berkwood looks distressed. Some poeple walk out and some look concerned.
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Lisa’s dialogue 1 & 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that I can show more about the show within the dialogue, so that’s what I did for this scene:
Before:
INT. RESTAURANT- DAY
ABIGAIL
These croquettes are amazing.
The SERVER walks by
ABIGAIL
Excuse me! Can I have a refill on this rosé?
SERVER
Absolutely.
Abigail smiles, flirtatiously at Ben.
BEN
So what do you say we head to my place after this?
ABIGAIL
That could be arranged. We didn’t talk about pricing yet, but I’m assuming money’s not an issue for you.
BEN
Excuse me?
ABIGAIL
Oh, you were thinking this is.. a date?
BEN
I was assuming so.
Abigail giggles.
ABIGAIL
Sorry, it’s just… I mean you’re a lot older, and I’m.. Well, you know.
BEN
A prostitute
ABIGAIL
Gosh, no. I’m an actor by trade. This is just what I do to pay the bills.
BEN
(To server) check, please!
ABIGAIL
Good idea. This was starting to get awkward.
AFTER:
INT. BEN’S OFFICE- DAY
BEN BERKWOOD (40’s-50’s) handsome, but aging with dad bod. He pressed a button on his phone to page his assistant.
BEN BERKWOOD
Hey doll, can you come to the office?
ABIGAIL
(O.C.) One sec.
Abigail (20s) extra attractive, walks in. Ben smiles mischeviously.
BEN BERKWOOD
Lock the door.
Abigail locks the door behind her and walks toward the desk. Ben meets her half way and they kiss. He begins taking off her clothes as he does, he brings her to the desk and sits her down on top of it. the continue making out until he is about to take off her bra. She grabs his hands to stop him.
ABIGAIL
Dr Berkwood…
BEN BERKWOOD
Call me Ben, baby.
He attempts to continue. She stops him again.
ABIGAIL
(uncomfortably) Ben. I think, maybe we should keep things professional.
BEN BERKWOOD
What’s the matter, baby? Don’t you like it?
ABIGAIL
(lying) I do…
Ben backs away from her, knowing she’s lying.
ABIGAIL
It’s just… I’m young still and you’re… um…. old.
BEN BERKWOOD
(deflated) I see.
ABIGAIL
I mean. If it was beneficial for me somehow…
BEN BERKWOOD
No thanks. I definitely wouldn’t pay for it with you.
-
Lisa completed P/S grid #2
What I learned doing this assignment is that I can still make something great without having all the answers. I started coming up with ideas for clever dialogue and added intrigue for some scenes, so I changed and tweaked a few scenes. I think it’s really coming along and it’s going to be awesome!
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Lisa Completed grid P/S #1
I added some setups and intrigue and I moved some things around to follow the format for A story, B story, C story. I also had too much dialogue in different parts, so I changed it to show more instead of talking. I also added some funny dialogue I thought of along the way. It still needs more since it’s a comedy, but it will come to me eventually. This is so exciting! My pilot is coming right along.
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Lisa has finish act 4 and 5.
It isn’t perfect, but I just kept going and kept telling myself everything will be okay. I know it can still be better, but I’m just trusting that it will all come together the way I intended it to. I’m catching up, and it feels good!
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Lisa’s finished Act 3 Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is that the perfection thing is so hard to not stop me from completing this. I have to change some things around but it hurts my brain to think about right now. At least I finished the act and can move on now.
Rule 1: B
Rule 2:A
Rule 3:B
Rule 4:B
Rule 5:A
Rule 6:A
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Lisa’s finished act two
What I learned doing this assignment is that I still need to figure some things out for this act. It’s not perfect, but I gotta keep going. I started to get hung up on some details and didn’t like the dialogue, but I stoped myself from stopping writing and just kept working until I was finished.
Rule 1: b
Rule 2: a
Rule 3: b
Rule 4: a
Rule 5: b
Rule 6: b
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Lisa’s finished Act 1 Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s easy to stat writing when you have good outline.
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Lisa’s High Speed Writing
What I learned doing this lesson is that I already had thought about the teaser for so long it was super easy to write.
EXT. FARMER PETE’S – DUSK
Farmer Pete’s is a warehouse type building with a lovely mural of happy little animals frolicing on the farm.
CAMERA PANS ACROSS THE MURAL SHOWING A FEW ANIMALS FLOATING UP IN THE CLOUDS WEARING HALOS. FOLLOW THIR EYELINE DOWN TO A FAMILY SITTING AT A PICNIC TABLE EATING BURGERS, CHICKEN NUGGETS AND BACON. THEY’RE HAPPY AND SMILING. FOLLOW THEIR EYELINE TO FARMER PETE, WHO STANDS SMILING, WAVING AND WEARING AN APRON WITH JUST A FEW SPLATTERS OF BLOOD ON IT. HE HOLDS A HATCHET AND STANDS OUTSIDE A BARN STRUCTURE.
In the foreground of Farmer Pete’s, a group of vegans lines the street holding electronic candles looking very somber, like a funeral processional. A large truck with a trailer holding live pigs pulls up. The animals are crowded inside but some of the group of people moves in toward the trailer with water bottles. They give the pigs water. The pigs push their snouts through the holes of the truck and the people outside pet them, saying kind words and offering them treats. JANE pets one pig on the nose, the pig makes cute little noises and nuzzles Jane’s hand almost as if trying to console the crying Jane.
JANE
Oh you’re so sweet. I’m so sorry, little baby. I wish I could save you.
Jane Peers into the truck to look into the pig’s eyes. He leans his face peacefully into her hand like a sleepy puppy. The truck honks it’s horn and Jane and the others back away from the truck as it begins to pull away. The pig is immediately terrified and begins to screech in fear.
Suddenly a loud crash rings out and an angry mob runs up with a variety of signs that say things like: Meat is Murder, Food not Death, Friends not Food, etc. Some of them climb on the trailer attempting to open the trailer to free the pigs. The driver begins to drive off but in the confusion Jane ends up in front of the truck as it attempts to avoid some of the angry mob. The headlights light up Jane’s face as she is about to be run over by the truck. The scene freezes with close up on Jane’s face, the moment before she is hit.
MARC
(V.O.)
This was the moment it hit me… Well, literally Jane was the one who got hit… Maybe we should go back to the beginning.
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Lisa’s outline with intrigue
What I learned doing his assignment is how to identify the individual parts of a script as intrigue, setup, etc.
Show concept: Jane, a vegan activist is turned into a vampire.
Inciting incident: Jane is hit by a slaughterhouse truck and Marc, a vampire gives her some of his blood so she doesn’t die. She has to decide if she wants to survive by drinking human blood, or die.
A Story: Jane’s activism and taking care of her mom
B story: Marc following Jane and working at the farm, Jane and her colleagues
C story: Dr Berkwood’s school and home life
Teaser:
EXT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE- NIGHT: INTRIGUING WORLD
Essence: Jane leads a pig vigil at a slaughterhouse with other fellow vegans. She gives a pig water and he nuzzles her. She cries and the pig seems to comfort her.
Turning Point/ open loop: Jane gets hit by a slaughterhouse truck and lies on the ground, motionless and bleeding.
ACT 1:
EXT. Jane’s house- day: INTRIGUING WORLD
Essence: (J opening) Jane feeds the animals outside. The squirrels eat out of her hands and the birds chirp at her as if thanking her.
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY: INTRUGUING WORLD
SETUP: Jane takes care of her sick mother. She makes her breakfast and realizes she’s running late for school, and hurries out the door.
INT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE-DAY: HIDDEN LAYER
OPEN LOOP: M opening- Marc is seen at a slaughterhouse supervising. Every time the line backs up, someone says, “number ______ isn’t producing anymore. Let’s 86 it” A slicing sound is heard. Blood is seen flowing down the drain.
EXT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY: IMMINENT THREAT
MYSTERY: POV MARC, watching Jane from outside her house as she rushes out to her car.
INT. CLASSROOM- DAY: MYSTERY
DB opening: Dr Berkwood is covering for Jane teaching her class since Jane is not there yet.
EMPATHY/ DISTRESS: Jane rushes through the door, thanks Dr. Berkwood and takes her place, lecturing the class.
MYSTERY: M, J &DB TP1- Marc comes into Jane’s classroom looking for DB. Jane directs him to her office.
INT. DR. BERKWOOD’S OFFICE- DAY: STRANGE BEHAVIOR
MYSTERY: Marc tries to compel Dr. Berkwood to allow him to enroll in the program with Jane, even though it’s past the deadline to enroll in the program. She looks at him like he’s crazy and tells him it’s past the deadline and he needs to go to the registrar like everyone else.
INT. CLASSROOM- DAY: WOUND
EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Class has ended and Dr. Berkwood talks to Jane about being late and says she can get time off from school to care for her mother if needed.
EXT. HALLWAY- DAY: HIDDEN AGENDA
MYSTERY/SETUP: Jane exits the classroom and runs into MARC, dropping her and his books. Marc helps her pick up her things. A flyer for a pig vigil falls from Marc’s things and they talk about going to the Pig Vigil that night.
PLACEHOLDER: VEGAN MEETING
Dr berkwood leads a meeting for the pig vigil/ activism in frint of a group of vegans.
EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD- DAY: INTRIGUING WORLD
OPEN LOOP: Jane has a stupid conversation with HEATHER at lunch. Heather made a new piece of art that’s a vampire, but she says it has deeper meaning. EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Heather is going to Ammo’s show instead of the animal rights protest.
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- NIGHT: WOUND
EMPATHY/DISTRES: Jane conflict: Jane’s mom’s caretaker calls out for the night and there is no one to replace her, so she gets her brother as a last resort to stay with her while she goes to a pig vigil.
ACT 2
EXT. CITY STREET- NIGHT: MYSTERY
OPEN LOOP: A COP pulls up to a group of houseless people camped out under a bridge. A bus arrives behind him. He tells the people to pack their things and get on the bus.
EXT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE- NIGHT: IMMINENT THREAT
WOUND: People are lined up with signs, saying things like “Animals feel pain, too,” and gruesome photos of animals being slaughtered, with signs saying “they don’t want to die”
MYSTERY: There’s a woman in a pig mask wearing a “vegans taste better” shirt
SETUP: Marc turning pint 2, Lucy intro: Lucy takes off the mask and Marc recognizes her. He approaches her, angrily and asks why she’s there. She says she’s making sure he’s doing his job.
Intrigue: Jane has lots of followers at the protest and she seems to be leading it.
EMPATHY/DISTRESS: M&J midpoint: The driver of the truck angrily drives into the crowd of people to get into the building. Most of them move out of the way, but Jane is struck. Dr. Berkwood sees it happen, but most people are oblivious, Marc turns around to see that Jane is under the truck. Lucy grins and walks away. Dr. Berkwood yells at the driver that someone’s been hit. He backs up the truck, but no one is there.
EXT. FARMER JOHN’S- NIGHT: MYSTERY
Start: a van pulls up to a location in the dark, and opens the door.
Empathy/distress:Challenging Situation: The houselesss people are told they will have housing and jobs, but it’s at a slaughterhouse.
Conflict: Protestors are outside holding signs about animal rights. Cop cars are at the scene.
OPEN LOOP: Action: one of the protestors is telling an officer that they saw someone get run over by the slaughterhouse truck.
MYSTERY: Finish: cops try to locate a body, but there isn’t one, only remnants of blood. The cops try to block the crime scene from the protestors and new employees.
INT. CLASSROOM-DAY: MYSTERY
EMPATHY/DISTRESS: DB Major Conflict: Dr Berkwood is worried about Jane and stressed about her work and home life.
Dr. Berkwood calls Jane, but there’s no answer and her mailbox is full. People start coming into class. Dr. Berkwood starts teaching.
ACT 3
INT. MARC HOUSE- DAY: SECRET IDENTITY
PAYOFF: M&J TP2: Jane wakes up on Marc’s couch. He tells her who he is and what happened. He tries to give her a bag of blood, but she won’t take it because it’s not vegan.
EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Turning Point: Jane learns that she’s undead, and has to choose whether she wants to feed on blood to survive, or die.
Jane leaves to go check on her mom.
INT. RESTAURANT- DAY: MYSTERY
OPEN LOOP/SETUP, EMPAATHY/DISTRESS: Intro Dr. Berkwood’s husband: He is rejected by a younger woman on a date. She thinks he is seeking an arrangement and turns him down because he’s too old. He is angry and upset.
DR. BERKWOOD’S HOUSE- DAY: DECEPTION
EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Dr Berkwood arrives home and finds that her husband took the kids to get kids meals with meat.
PAYOFF: Her husband comes home late and tells her he wants a divorce.
ACT 4:
INT. BOARD ROOM- DAY: INTRIGUING WORLD
MYSTERY: There’s a meeting with the elite vampires and Marc. Lucy asks if “it’s done” to Marc. He says yes. Marc leaves the meeting and goes down to the farm where he’s supervising. Vlad says that they have issues with control, but he is shut down by the leader, who isn’t shown.
INT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE- DAY: CONSPIRACY
EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Essence: people are lined up in chairs, but from ports in their necks with metal connectors sticking out. Bags, being filled really fast and being mixed in huge tanks
Turning Point: Someone’s port clogs and the staff complains that they’re holding up the line. The person with the port is scared, and is dragged through a steel door.
PAYOFF: M ending: Marc is there. He looks away when they are killed.
IRONY: Marc conflict: Marc works in a business JANE would not agree with.
ACT 5:
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY: STRANGE BEHAVIOR
EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Jane major conflict: Jane goes home to tend to her mother. Her brother is angry and tells her he will never do that again. She nearly wants to feed on him, but tells him to leave.
Jane calls out from school and teaching in the lab. The animals are now scared of her.
INT. DR. BERKWOOD’S HOUSE- DAY:
EMPATHY/ DISTRESS: D B major conflict: She is stressed about work and home life and worried about Jane. She tells Ammo to go check on her.
EXT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY: SECRET IDENTITY
EMPATHY/DISTRESS: Ammo stops by Jane’s house to check on her. He taunts Jane and asks her where she gets her protein from, which triggers her.
OPEN LOOP: J ending: Jane feeds on Ammo
Dilemma: Did Jane kill Ammo? How will Jane maintain her vegan ethics as a vampire?
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Lesson 11 is empty, so I looked at the notes for audio 18 to see what I’m supposed to be doing
Lisa’s Scene Requirements:
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to stop letting things build and become bigger in my mind. It was so much easier than I thought once I did it. Still learning.
EXT. FARMER JOHN’S- NIGHT
Start: a van pulls up to a location in the dark, and opens the door.
Challenging Situation: The houselesss people are told they will have housing and jobs, but it’s at a slaughterhouse.
Conflict: Protestors are outside holding signs about animal rights. Cop cars are at the scene.
Action: one of the protestors is telling an officer that they saw soemone get run over by the slaughtehouse truck.
Finish: cops try to locate a body, but there isn’t one, only remnants of blood. The cops try to block the crime scene from the protestors and new employees.
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Lisa’s Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to let of trying to be perfect and just do it instead of overthinking. I know I still need to add some things and move stuff around, but I at least finished the assignment.
Show concept: Jane, a vegan activist is turned into a vampire.
Inciting incident: Jane is hit by a slaughterhouse truck and Marc, a vampire gives her some of his blood so she doesn’t die. She has to decide if she wants to survive by drinking human blood, or die.
A Story: Jane’s activism and taking care of her mom
B story: Marc following Jane and working at the farm, Jane and her colleagues
C story: Dr Berkwood’s school and home life
Teaser:
EXT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE- NIGHT
Essence: Jane leads a pig vigil at a slaughterhouse with other fellow vegans. She gives a pig water and he nuzzles her. She cries and the pig seems to comfort her.
Turning Point: Jane gets hit by a slaughterhouse truck and lies on the ground, motionless and bleeding.
ACT 1:
EXT. Jane’s house- day
Essence: (J opening) Jane is a kind and loving person. She feeds the animals outside. The squirrels eat out of her hands and the birds chirp at her as if thanking her.
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY
Jane takes care of her sick mother. She makes her breakfast and realizes she’s running late for school, and hurries out the door.
INT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE-DAY
M opening- Marc is seen at a slaughterhouse supervising. Every time the line backs up, someone says, “number ______ isn’t producing anymore. Let’s 86 it” A slicing sound is heard. Blood is seen flowing down the drain.
EXT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY
POV MARC, watching Jane from outside her house as she rusn out to her car.
INT. CLASSROOM- DAY
DB opening: Dr Berkwood is covering for Jane teaching her class since Jane is not there yet.
Jane rushes through the door, thanks Dr. Berkwood and takes her place, lecturing the class.
M, J &DB TP1- Marc comes into Jane’s classroom looking for DB. Jaen directs him to her office.
INT. DR. BERKWOOD’S OFFICE- DAY
Marc tries to compel Dr. Berkwood to allow him to enroll in the program with Jane, even though it’s past the deadline to enroll in class. She looks at him like he’s crazy and tells him it’s past the deadline and he needs to go to the registrar like everyone else.
INT. CLASSROOM- DAY
Class has ended and Dr. Berkwood talks to Jane about being late and says she can get time off from school to care for her mother if needed.
EXT. HALLWAY- DAY
Jane exits the classroom and runs into MARC, dropping her and his books. Marc helps her pick up her things. A flyer for a pig vigil falls from Marc’s things and they talk about going to the Pig Vigil that night.
EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD- DAY
Jane has a stupid conversation with HEATHER at lunch. Heather made a new piece of art that’s a vampire, but she says it has deeper meaning. Heather is going to Ammo’s show instead of the animal rights protest.
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- NIGHT
Jane conflict: Jane’s mom’s caretaker calls out for the night and there is no one to replace her, so she gets her brother as a last resort to stay with her while she goes to a pig vigil.
ACT 2
EXT. CITY STREET- NIGHT
A COP pulls up to a group of houseless people camped out under a bridge. A bus arrives behind him. He tells the people to pack their things and get on the bus.
EXT. SLAUGHTEHOUSE- NIGHT
Vagrants are being dropped off at factory farm. They are told that they will have a job and a place to stay.
EXT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE- NIGHT
People are lined up with signs, saying things like “Animals feel pain, too,” and gruesome photos of animals being slaughtered, with signs saying “they don’t want to die”
There’s a woman in a pig mask wearing a “vegans taste better” shirt
Marc turning pint 2, Lucy intro: Lucy takes off the mask and Marc recognizes her. He approaches her, angrily and asks why she’s there. She says she’s making sure he’s doing his job.
Intrigue: Jane has lots of followers at the protest and she seems to be leading it.
M&J midpoint: The driver of the truck angrily drives into the crowd of people to get into the building. Most of them move out of the way, but Jane is struck. Dr. Berkwood sees it happen, but most people are oblivious, Marc turns around to see that Jane is under the truck. Lucy grins and walks away. Dr. Berkwood yells at the driver that someone’s been hit. He backs up the truck, but no one is there.
INT. CLASSROOM-DAY
DB Major Conflict: Dr Berkwood is worried about Jane and stressed about her work and home life.
Dr. Berkwood calls Jane, but there’s no answer and her mailbox is full. People start coming into class. Dr. Berkwood starts teaching.
ACT 3
INT. MARC HOUSE- DAY
M&J TP2: Jane wakes up on Marc’s couch. He tells her who is and what happened. He tries to give her a bag of blood, but she won’t take it because it’s not vegan.
Turning Point: Jane learns that she’s undead, and has to choose whether she wants to feed on blood to survive, or die.
Jane leaves to go check on her mom.
INT. RESTAURANT- DAY
Intro Dr. Berkwood’s husband: He is rejected by a younger woman on a date. She thinks he is seeking an arrangement and turns him down because he’s too old. He is angry and upset.
DR. BERKWOOD’S HOUSE- DAY
Dr Berkwood arrives home and finds that her husband took the kids to get kids meals with meat. Her husband comes home late and tells her he wants a divorce.
Act 4:
INT. BOARD ROOM- DAY
There’s a meeting with the elite vampires and Marc. Lucy asks if “it’s done” to Marc. He says yes. Marc leaves the meeting and goes down to the farm where he’s supervising. Vlad says that they have issues with control, but he is shut down by the leader, who isn’t shown.
INT. SLAUGHTERHOUSE- DAY
Essence: people are lined up in chairs, but from ports in their necks with metal connectors sticking out. Bags, being filled really fast and being mixed in huge tanks
Turning Point: Someone’s port clogs and the staff complains that they’re holding up the line. The person with the port is scared, and is dragged through a steel door.
M ending: Marc is there. He looks away when they are killed.
Marc conflict: Marc works in a business she would not agree with.
Act 5:
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY
Jane major conflict: Jane goes home to tend to her mother. Her brother is angry and tells her he will never do that again. She nearly wants to feed on him, but tells him to leave.
Jane calls out from school and teaching in the lab. The animals are now scared of her.
INT. DR. BERKWOOD’S HOUSE- DAY
D B major conflict: She is stressed about work and home life and worried about Jane. She tells Ammo to go check on her.
EXT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY
Ammo stops by Jane’s house to check on her. He taunts Jane and asks her where she gets her protein from, which triggers her.
J ending: Jane feeds on Ammo
Dilemma: Did Jane kill Ammo? How will Jane maintain her vegan ethics as a vampire?
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Lisa setting up the Future
What I learned doing this assignment is that I already had some setups included in the pilot to add some mystery and intrigue for future episodes. I didn’t add anything because I didn’t want to reveal too much, but I did add some smaller reveals for the pilot and mystery for future episodes. This assignment was easier than I thought it would be.
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Lisa adding empathy/ distress
What I learned doing his assignment is that I already have high stakes. I don’t know how they can be higher than killing off my main character in the first episode. I already have life and death situations and those are the highest the stakes can be. I already have empathy and distress included in my episodes. I did add some details to add more empathy and distress for other characters though.
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Lisa’s Mysteries and open loops
What I learned doing this assignment is that my show already has a lot of mystery and open loops that I had already thought about previously, so I didn’t really add anything.
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Lisa Stacks intrigue
What I learned doing his assignment is that I need to quit being afraid of not doing it right or not being “good enough” and just do it, because I would’ve just dove in and gotten it done, I would be a lot further along than I am, but it’s okay. I’ll catch up sooner or later.
I added a few layers and intrigue and a couple conspiracies to the outline, so its coming along.
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Lisa’s Layers and Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is that I already had some plot layers and covers ups already thought out, but I was still worrying about how to make more coverups and layers to the point where I was considering rearranging everything and making it more complicated. I added some details introducing a couple more characters that will be beneficial to the plot line, such as Lucy being seen by Marc at the Pig Vigil, and introducing Dr. Berkwood’s husband to show what kind of person she’s married to and the distress she has in her life. I also added some intrigue to hint at the power that the vampires have over society.
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Lisa’s Character Story Lines
What I learned doing this assignment is that I am a procrastinator, when there is something confusing and difficult for me. Once I did it, I realized it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be.
Jane = J, Dr. Berkwood= DB, Marc=M
Essence: Jane goes to a pig vigil at a slaughterhouse with other fellow vegans
Turning Point: Jane gets hit by a slaughterhouse truck and lies on the ground, motionless and bleeding.
Act 1:
Essence: (J opening) Jane is a kind and loving person. She feeds the animals outside and takes care of her sick mother, and is in school for her PHD in biomedical research.
M opening- Marc stalks Jane at home and follows her to school. We don’t know who he is.
DB opening: Dr Berkwood is covering for Jane teaching her class since Jane is late.
M&DB TP1- Marc comes in to Jane’s classroom looking for DB. He compels her to allow him to enroll in the program with Jane.
Jane TP1: Jane doesn’t have a caretaker for her mom, so she gets her brother as a last resort to stay with her while she goes to a pig vigil.
Act 2:
M&J midpoint: Jane goes to a slaughterhouse to advocate for animal rights. She gets hit by a slaughterhouse truck in the process.
DB midpoint: Dr Berkwood sees Jane getting hit by the slaughterhouse truck but doesn’t see what happened to Jane after.
M&J Turning Point 2/Midpoint: Marc gives Jan some of his blood to save her life then swoops her away to his home.
DB Major Conflict: Dr Berkwood is worried about Jane and stressed about her work and home life.
Act 3:
M&J TP2: Jane wakes up on Marc’s couch. He tells her who is and what happened. He tries to give her a bag of blood, but she won’t take it because it’s not vegan.
Turning Point: Jane has to choose whether she wants to feed on blood to survive, or die.
Act 4:
Essence: people are lined up in chairs, but from ports in their necks with metal connectors sticking out. Bags, being filled really fast and being mixed in huge tanks
Turning Point: Someone’s port clogs and the staff complains that the’re holding up the line. The person with the port is scared, and is dragged through a steel door. Marc is there.
M ending: Marc is seen at a gruesome place where people, identified only by numbers, are getting blood drawn from large metal ports in their necks.
Marc conflict: Marc wants to help Jane but he also works in a business she would not agree with.
Act 5:
Jane major conflict: Jane goes home to tend to her mother. Her brother is angry and tells her he will never do that again. Jane calls out from school and teaching in the lab.
D B major conflict: She is stressed about work and home life and worried about Jane.
DB ending: Dr. Berkwood gets a disturbing phone call, which causes her even more distress.
J ending: Jane feeds on Ammo when he stops by to check on her.
Dilemma: Did Jane kill Ammo? How will Jane maintain her vegan ethics as a vampire?
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Lisa’s Pilot Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is to not be afraid to go dark to increase intrigue and tension and up the stakes.
1. Present the first draft of your pilot Acts.
Teaser:
Essence: Jane goes to a pig vigil at a slaughterhouse with other fellow vegans
Turning Point: Jane gets hit by a slaughterhouse truck and lies on the ground, motionless and bleeding
Act 1:
Essence:Jane is a kind and loving person. She feeds the animals outside and takes care of her sick mother, and is in school for her PHD in biomedical research
Turning Point: She doesn’t have a caretaker for her mom, so she gets her brother to stay with her while she goes to a pig vigil.
Act 2:
Essence: Jane goes to a slaughterhouse to advocate for animal rights. She gets hit by a slaughterhouse truck in the process and is dead.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Marc turns Jane into a vampire to save her life.
Act 3:
Essence: Jane wakes up on Marc’s couch. He tells her who is and what happened. He tries to give her a bag of blood, but she won’t take it because it’s not vegan
Turning Point: Jane has to choose whether she wants to feed on blood to survive, or die.
Act 4:
Essence: people are lined up in chairs, appearing to be donating blood, but from ports in their necks with metal connectors sticking out. Bags, being filled really fast and being mixed in huge tanks
Turning Point: Someone’s port clogs and the staff complains that the’re holding up the line. The person with the port is scared, and is dragged through a steel door. Marc is there.
Act 5:
Essence: Jane goes home to tend to her mother
Lock In: Ammo stops by Jane’s house and she ends up feeding on him.
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Lisa’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that I already have a good inciting incident and lock in for a binge worthy show.
1. What is the “Inciting Incident” of your series that this pilot needs to deliver powerfully?
Jane gets hit by slaughterhouse truck and turned into a vampire
2. Give us the main beats of that Inciting Incident:
Intriguing Concept: Vegan Vampire
Act 1: Jane going to school and taking care of her sick mother, while being stalked by someone
Midpoint: Jane gets turned into a vampire
Lock In: Jane chooses to feed on a human so she can live and continue her research and take care of her mother
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Lisa’s big picture components
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to just keep going and not get hung up on details. Still learning that.
SERIES INFO:
World: Jane, a vegan who is a PHD student and takes care of her sick mother. There are vampires in this world, but they’re not lke the usual folkloric vampires
Main mystery: Who else ar vampires? How much control do they have?
Impossible Goal: Jane must get blood ethically or die, also she wants to end the human farms once she discovers they exist.
Main Conflict: The vampires have all the control and want to keep it that way. Jane wants a world where there is equality and autonaumy for all creatures
Second Mystery: Where does the blood come from?
Season 1 Arc: Jane’s mom is deteriorating and Jane has to decide if she will turn her to save her, or let the sickness take it’s course, and she will lose her mom.
Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: Jane is conflicted with herself because she needs blood to survive, but wants to be ethical
2. Tell us the basic Pilot Info:
Jane goes to a vegan activism event outside a slaughterhouse, and gets run over by a slaughterhouse truck. Marc saves her by turning into a vampire.
She wakes up on Marc’s couch. Marc explains to her what happened, and that she has to choose whether to drink blood, or die. Jane realizes she left her sick mother with her brother. She rushes home where her brother is furious.
She goes outside to feed the squirrels, but they don’t trust her anymore. She’s very tempted by them and chases one into a tree. Ammo stops by her house to check on her. She can’t control herself and feasts on his blood.
PILOT INFO:
Pilot Conflict: Jane gets turne into a vampire, and needs to consume blood or die, but she’s vegan
Characters Introduced: Jane, Marc, Mina, Lucy, Vlad/Brad, Bram, Elizabeth, Heather, Ammo, Dr. Berkwood, Jane’s brother
Inciting Incident of Season 1: Jane gets turned into a vampire after being nearly killed by a slaughterhouse truck
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Lisa’s visually appealing bible.
I learned that one can make a bible really jump off the page by adding some color, pictures and keeping it “clean” not adding too much.
My process was to take shows that might be similar in tone to mine and borrow from the color palette and photos. Through searching images I got to come up with a lot more idea of how the show could look. I also found myself a bit at war with myself because I am writing a comedy that also has vampires so I started with bright colors like “The Good Place” or “Jane the Virgin” Since my title is “Jane the Vegan,” I have one image that plays off of that but then as you scroll through the pages it gradually gets darker, just like my show is supposed to. Email if you want to see my bible. Lisa.molenda@gmail.com.
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Lisa’s Edited TV Pitch Bible
Sorry, the formatting didn’t transfer here.
Jane The Vegan
45 minute comedy
Jane, a die-hard vegan is forced to become a vampire after being struck by a slaughterhouse truck while doing vegan activism. When her bloodlust becomes uncontrollable, she is taken to the vampires of Orange County. They teach her to control her impulses, and supply her with blood from their own blood bank. Jane doesn’t know if she can trust them, but she has no choice since she has to stay alive to take care of her sick mother.
Jane is in school for her PHD in Biomedical research. Her mentor and teacher, Dr. Berkwood tells Jane about a vision she had while on Ayahuasca. She was a witch in the 1400s, and her people were being enslaved and killed by Vlad The Impaler. She created a spell to give her people an edge over Vlad, which turned out to be a curse- the curse of the vampire. However, she thinks her vision was just her subconscious processing her traumas.
Dr Berkwood doesn’t know that Vlad is alive, has changed his violent ways, and runs a support group for people who suffer from rage addiction, like his partner Bram Stoker
After the death of her mother, Jane goes on an Ayahuasca retreat. She sees visions of farms of people, who are enslaved, raped, and eventually killed, all to provide blood for the vampires. Marc confirms that the farms exist, and Jane tells Dr. Berkwood everything. Dr. Berkwood does past life regression and realizes that her visions were indeed from a past life. She vows to destroy the curse she started at any cost. She and Jane go on a mission to end the farms. Jane has to find an ethical way to get blood, or die.
Character Descriptions
Jane (20’s)
Jane is a vegan, who loves animals and hates suffering. She is intelligent and resourceful, always thinking of new ideas. She is open-minded, but has a strong moral compass. She tries not to do anything that harms other beings. She has a small circle of close friends, and is dedicated to her work in biomedical research, determined to find cures from illnesses like her mother’s cancer. She gets engrossed in her studies to take her mind off her problems.
Dr. Berkwood (40’s)
Dr Berkwood is a vegan activist, teacher and mentor to Jane, who is like a daughter to her. She has supernatural abilities, which she has a hard time accepting, due to the analytical and scientific side of herself. She compares factory farming to slavery. She wants to turn everyone vegan. Many of her students are like children to her, so she struggles when she has to let her them go on to continue their lives after school.
Marc (30’s)
Marc is a vampire who was turned by Lucy Westerna in the 1950’s. He’s a country guy who thinks for himself, but he’s kind of shy. He doesn’t like harming others, but drinks the farmed blood because he doesn’t know any other way. He is expressive and adorable. He wants to connect with people, but can’t because they are food. He’s intrigued by Jane and protective of her. He loves animals, so he doesn’t eat them.
Lucy (20’s)
Lucy Westrena was turned in the late 1800’s. Bram Stoker immortalized her in a book, in exchange for her turning him and giving him eternal life. She strives for beauty, and lives in Orange County. She’s a narcissist and pathological liar. She’s best friends with Mina, but will betray anyone for power. She is obsessed with Marc, but he doesn’t love her because of her bad character.
Mina (20’s)
Mina is a rich Orange County Vampire and best friends with Lucy. She comes off as sweet but has a dark side. She never found love, but she uses rich old men and compels them to write her into their wills so she can get all of their wealth after they die.
Heather (20’s)
Heather is Jane’s best friend. She is obsessed with vampires. She’s an art major. She’s obsessed with beauty, and is only vegan for vain reasons, but sometimes goes to activism events with Jane. Jane is constantly schooling her on what it means to be vegan and what she can eat on a vegan diet. Heather is an incredible artist, but she lacks common sense. However, she says something profound every once in a while.
Ammo (20’s)
Ammo has known Jane since high school. He’s a lab assistant at Jane’s university, and a self- proclaimed engineer who makes inventions he thinks are groundbreaking, but they’re really just impractical versions of things that already exist. He’s anti-vegan, but is really into Jane. He has a way of being charming at first, but turns on anyone who doesn’t agree with him, except for Jane, since he hopes she will change. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women, but is not attractive.
Elizabeth (50’s)
Elizabeth is Jane’s mother. She is loving and compassionate, and was always very funny, and the one Jane would go to for advice, but becomes weak and sick from cancer. She wants the best for Jane and has always been supportive and proud of her. She gets messages from the other side when she’s out of it, which makes her mistrustful of Jane in that state.
Bram Stoker (40’s-50’s)
Bram Stoker created the book “Dracula” to immortalize Lucy Westerna in exchange for her turning him. He used to be one of Lucy’s suitors, but is a closeted gay who is in a relationship with Vlad the Impaler. He has anger and jealousy issues. He hates the “G” word, and kills anyone who suspects he might be gay, even though he is very flambouyant and eccentric. He pretends to be a womanizer, but he isn’t fooling anyone.
Vlad the Impaler (Brad Impala, 40’s)
Vlad now goes by Brad to hide his violent past. He has an accent that no one can pinpoint, but he swears he is American, born in the United States. He now has a 12- step program for Rage-a- holics like Bram, and is very understanding of their violent behavior. He fell in love with Bram upon attempting to kill him, but they ended up making out instead. Brad wants Bram to be out of the closet, and assures him that the reason for Bram’s anger is that he is suppressing his true feelings.
Episode Descriptions
Episode 1: Hungry Like the Wolf
Jane goes to a vegan activism event outside a slaughterhouse, and gets run over by a slaughterhouse truck. Marc saves her by turning into a vampire.
She wakes up on Marc’s couch. Marc explains to her what happened, and that she has to choose whether to drink blood, or die. Jane realizes she left her sick mother with her brother. She rushes home where her brother is furious.
She goes outside to feed the squirrels, but they don’t trust her anymore. She’s very tempted by them and chases one into a tree. Ammo stops by her house to check on her. She can’t control herself and feasts on his blood.
Episode 2: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Marc comes in to stop Jane from killing Ammo. He compels Ammo to make him not remember what happened. Marc brings Jane to Orange County, where she meets some fellow vampires, Vlad and Bram.
Mina and Lucy crash the party, which makes Marc angry, perhaps because they could expose his dark past, which he worries will make Jane hate him. Jane buys some blood from Mina, so she doesn’t get tempted to harm humans or animals.
Jane goes back to school, shocking Dr. Berkwood at how quickly Jane recovered from the accident. Jane finds her blood to be missing from her lunch cooler, and is mysteriously locked inside of Dr. Berkwood’s office with her. She breaks the door down with superhuman strength. Dr. Berkwood tells Jane to take some time off to recover.
Episode 3: Vlad & Brad
In the 1800’s, Lucy has a tea party. She Bram, one of her potential suitors, along with Vlad, since she thinks he would be a good match for her best friend, Mina.
Vlad is attracted to Bram, so he sleeps with Lucy and turns her, just to piss Bram off. Bram figures out Lucy’s secret, and convinces her to make him immortal in exchange for him immortalizing her in a book. Vlad finds out and is furious. He goes to Bram’s house at night to kill him, but their fight turns into a makeout sesh.
In present day, Bram gets angry with his house slaves and compels them all to kill themselves. Vlad comes home to the mess and gently tells Bram that he needs to come out, so that he can keep his rage under control.
Episode 4: Here Comes the Sun
Marc is training to be a police officer in the 1950’s, and assigned to pick up the local vagrants in Anaheim and take them to a remote location where he isn’t allowed inside.
Jane awakens, looking hungover because vampires don’t like the sun. she continues on her routine, but senses she is being watched. She nearly plunges a knife into Marc’s chest and accuses him of stealing her blood from school, but Marc swears it wasn’t him. Marc shows her how she can still communicate with the animals.
Marc, Jane and Heather attend activism in a park. Jane recounts all the terrible things that happen in factory farms, as Marc recalls the work he did at the human farms.
Jane comes home to find her mom being taken to the hospital. Marc tells Jane about how she has the option to turn her mother to save her.
Episode 5: Living on a Prayer
Jane returns to work. Everyone can tell something is off with her.
Jane gets angry at someone at an animal rights protest. She is tempted to kill, but Marc calms her down and tells her to slow down and rest, but she gets angry with him.
Jane visits her mom in the hospital as her mom’s condition worsens. She cuts her hand to give her mom her blood, just as her mom goes into A-fib and doctors rush in, and make Jane leave the room.
Episode 6: Don’t You forget About Me
Dr. Berkwood is going through a divorce with an omnivore and wealthy lawyer who forces their kids to eat meat, and the kids don’t like it. Dr. Berkwood buries herself in her work to cope.
Jane decides to go visit her mom, who is stable, but on a c-pap machine. Elizabeth wakes up and says some meaningful last words before she passes away, and Jane doesn’t have a chance to save her.
Episode 7: Beat It
Jane is stricken with grief from losing her mom, and has a breakdown at school. Dr. Berkwood tells her about plant medicine and how it helped her with her grief of losing her father. She also tells her a vision she had in which she was part of the Romani people, gypsies, who were enslaved and murdered by Vlad the Imapler. She created a curse to give her people super human strength so they could survive, but Vlad decides to fight like them. He bites a vampire and it tastes good. He begins biting others.
Bram has a barbecue to support Jane in her grief, and Lucy spikes Jane’s meal with meat, which enrages Jane, causing a fight. Jane tells Dr. Berkwood about Lucy. Dr Berkwood teaches her remote viewing. She tries to see Lucy, but Lucy sees her, and it freaks her out.
Episode 8: All Night Long
Jane goes on an ayahuasca retreat. She has visions of farms of people who are used for their blood. Some attendees try to help decipher her experience, but it doesn’t make sense to her. A healer does a clearing session on Jane, which causes Jane’s eyes to turn red and her veins start bulging, like when she’s hungry for blood, and everyone thinks she is possessed. The shaman comes and does something to calm Jane down.
When Jane tells Marc about her visions, he tells her that the farms are actually real, and that’s where her blood comes from. Jane is disgusted with herself and vows to never drink farmed blood again.
Season 2: People Farms
Jane starts getting sick, because she doesn’t have a blood supply anymore, so she tries to get blood ethically. Heather gets worried about Jane, Jane tells her she’s a vampire. Heather consents to Jane feeding on her. Jane comes out as vampire to Dr. Berkwood, and Dr. Berkwood doesn’t know if she can trust her. Dr Berkwood goes to a past life regression therapy and finds that she started the curse of the vampire, but Vlad killed her before she could correct the spell. Heather gets raped, and Jane goes on a mission to find the rapist rapist, making her first kill.
Season 3: The Dark Passenger
Jane decides to kill for blood. She is learning magic from Dr. Berkwood. There are conspiracy theorists who believe vampires are real, so a team of redneck Vampire hunters come into town, making it difficult for Jane to hunt. The higher ranked vampires that were turned by Vlad are still alive and started the illuminati. Jane kills a vampire hunter, who happened to be Mina’s son. Mina sets out to find her son’s killer
Season 4: Out for Blood
Jane is working with Dr. Berkwood on making synthetic blood. The elite vampires feel threatened, because Jane can make a lot of money. Jane starts doing activism in the vampire community to show them that they can live harmoniously with humans as their equals. Dr. Berkwood uses science, combined with magic to cause the blood to make the vampires mortal again. Lucy destroys the lab where they were working on the blood, causing Jane and Dr. Berkwood to have to start over.
Season 5: Burning Down the House
Some of the vampires start teaming up to free the people from the people farms, and doing activism to save the humans. Some vampires will be happy to be mortal again, while others are enraged. Some of the people farms get destroyed, and a war starts.
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Lisa’s Episode Titles
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m a little stubborn. I brainstormed a lot of ideas for my show title, but Jane the vegan is still the one I like best. Also, it’s really fun coming up with titles for all of the episodes and seasons, although it’s a bit challenging.
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Lisa Presents Non-stop Intrigue
What I learned doing this assignment is to be patient with myself and not try to rush through.
I added more details to some of the episode descriptions, and even came up with some ideas to add into the episodes when I write them. I also rewrote some things to have setups and payoffs, which made my bible more intriguing. I feel like I need to add some character maps to add more storylines to each of my episodes, so I’m going to add that to my framework, so then I could use it to add more depth to my episodes when I write them.
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Lisa’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is that line can be made more intriguing by using the intrigue tools.
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Lisa’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation
What I learned doing this assignment is that brainstorming is hard, but the tools work to cause critical thinking and come up with ideas. I spent a lot of time on this assignment and got a little more behind than I was, but I know that it will be beneficial for my show in the long run.
I added a bunch of details and changes some things in the season descriptions. I also added a few more details in character descriptions and episode descriptions. I had to figure out where my new ideas should go in the show, so that was challenging, but I finally got it done after a lot of brainstorming.
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Lisa’s Show Summary
What I learned doing this assignment is that I already have the material for my summary, so it was easier than I thought it would be to write the summary.
Jane is a vegan activist and animal lover who feeds the wildlife who come to her door every day. She is a biomedical research PHD student who is also taking care of her sick mother at home. She is being stalked by Marc, a Vampire, who is intrigued by her good heart. Jane goes to an animal protest and is hit by a slaughterhouse transport truck. Marc gives her some of his blood, so she doesn’t die.
Jane is angered by the situation, but time is running out as her cravings get stronger, and she has to get back home to care for her sick mother, and she has a lecture to teach at school. She has to make a choice, to feed on human or animal blood, or die.
She makes it home to care for her mom, and is tempted by her mom’s warm body. She goes outside to feed the animals and is tempted by them, too, and they are now afraid of her. Ammo, an anti-vegan frenemy who works at her school, shows up to her house to check on her. She ends up feeding on him and the life force starts to leave his body. She now has to decide how she will keep her ethics as a vegan while also being a vampire.
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Lisa’s episode descriptions
What I learned doing this assignment is that when it comes down to outlining the episodes, it gets kind of scary. I feel like an imposture and like I am wrong, but I tried to come from a place of empowerment and kept going, in spite of feeling inferior, and got it done, eventually.
Episode 1:
Hook/Intrigue: Jane gets run over by a slaughterhouse truck, and Marc turns her into a vampire
Main Character journey: Jane needs to find a way to get blood to survive without drawing attention to her being a sloppy hunter.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Jane is pissed that Marc turned her. He explains that it was to save her life. She needs to get back to her mom. She needs to also get to school to teach a lecture
Action/Reaction: She breaks a bunch of things at Marc’s place. Marc restrains her. Marc says she has to get her thirst under control, and tries to give her animal blood, but she doesn’t want to drink it. The only alternative is human blood.
Cliffhanger: Jane makes it back home to care for her mom. Her brother is no longer there and her mom is on the floor and can’t get up. She sees Ammo and feasts on his blood.
Summary: Jane, a vegan activist, loves the animals and feds the squirrels outside. They come up to eat the food out of her hands. Jane takes care of her mother, who is sick, while also in school to get her PHD. Jane is being followed by someone, but she doesn’t realize it.
Jane goes to a vegan activism event outside a slaughterhouse and gets run over by a slaughterhouse truck. Marc, who was following her the whole time, saves her by turning into a vampire. She wakes up on Marc’s couch and realizes she left her sick mother with her brother, who doesn’t like playing the role of caretaker, Jane has to reevaluate her ethics and find an ethical way to quench her thirst for blood.She is angry and irritable, because she is thirsty. Marc tries to give her some animal blood, but she won’t drink it. She escapes from Marc’s house and makes it to her mom’s house, where her mom is on the floor and can’t get up. She helps her mom up, but is having a hard time being around a warm human body. She goes outside to feed the squirrels and sees Ammo, her frenemy since high school. She can’t control herself and feasts on his blood.
Episode 2:
Hook/Intrigue: Marc stops Jane from killing Ammo
Main Character journey: Marc takes Jane to Orange County. Jane meets Mina, an OC vampire who takes her under her wing and gives her some blood bags.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Jane still needs to take care of her mom, but needs her thirst under control.
Action/Reaction: Jane drinks the blood bags and takes some home with her
Cliffhanger: Mina has kids. Jane wonders how. Mina says they’re adopted, but something seems off
Summary: Marc comes in to stop Jane from killing Ammo. He controls his mind to make him not remember what happened. Marc intervenes and tells Jane she has to get her thirst under control. He brings her to Orange County and introduces her to Mina, a wealthy beautiful woman from Orange county. She has two kids, human kids, which she says were adopted. She gives Jane some blood bags and says they are from a blood bank. Something seems off, but Jane can’t quite put her finger on it.
Episode 3:
Hook/Intrigue: Lucy steals Jane’s blood bags, and locks her in a room with Dr. Berkwood
Main Character journey: Jane has to get out of the room. She breaks the door down with superhuman strength.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Dr. Berkwood is suspicious of Jane, but tells her that she’s a witch, who found out from a plant medicine ceremony. .
Action/Reaction: Dr. Berkwood tells Jane about her ayahuasca experience where she remembers a past life where she was a witch during the time of Vlad the Impaler, and she made a curse to help her people survive. The curse was making them immortal vampires.
Cliffhanger: Dr. Berkwood thinks Jane is also a witch, and tells her she can help her use her powers for good.
Summary: Jane is at school and goes to the refrigerator to find her blood is missing. Jane gets locked in Dr. Berkwood’s office and is tempted to feast on her, but she does everything to control herself. She uses her superhuman strength to break the door down to get out. That makes Dr. Berkwood suspicious of Jane. Dr Berkwood tells Jane that she had an experience on ayahuasca where she saw herself as a witch in the 1800’s an she created a curse to protect her people from their oppressors, making them stronger and also having a desire for blood. Dr. Berkwood thinks that Jane is a witch when Jane breaks down the door with her superhuman strength because she’s getting thirsty for blood and doesn’t want to hurt Dr. Berkwood.
Episode 4:
Hook/Intrigue: Marc accompanies Jane and Heather to their activism in a park. Jane tells people about all the terrible things that happen in factory farms. She tells them about how animals are raped and their babies are taken away and how they’re just tossed away to die. As she recounts this, there are shots intercut with her words that show exactly that happening in the human farms as Marc recalls the work he did there and he feels so ashamed.
Main Character journey: Jane begins to question to herself if the blood she gets is ethical as she goes back to work in the lab with Marc. She communicates with him telepathically using the new skill he taught her.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Jane is frustrated that people don’t see that animal cruelty in factory farms is wrong, but is conflicted because she drinks blood from humans
Action/Reaction: Jane gets more blood from Mina, and Mina assures her it’s ethical and it comes from a blood bank..
Cliffhanger: Jane comes home to find her mom being taken to the hospital. Marc talks to her about how she has options, one of them being she can turn her mother to save her
Summary: Jane awakens in her own bed instead of waking like a Disney princess, she looks hung over. She goes about her normal routine, taking care of her mom. Now she can hear she’s being watched. She goes after the person with a knife and stops herself before she plunges the knife into Marc. Jane is upset that her plants are dying and her animals won’t communicate with her anymore. Marc promises to show her how she can still communicate with him.
Marc accompanies Jane and Heather to their activism in a park. Jane tells people about all the terrible things that happen in factory farms. As she recounts this, there are shots intercut with her words that show exactly that happening in the human farms as Marc recalls the work he did there and he feels so ashamed.
Jane begins to question to herself if the blood she gets is ethical as she goes back to work in the lab with Marc. She communicates with him telepathically using the new skill he taught her.
Jane gets more blood from Mina, and comes home to find her mom being taken to the hospital. Marc talks to her about how she has options, one of them being she can turn her mother to save her.
Episode 5:
Hook/Intrigue: Jane needs to make up for lost time after her accident. Even though Dr Berkwood knows she was in an accident at the vigil and has given her time to rest and recover, Jane feels she needs to throw herself into her work and activism. Jane is trying to go on like nothing happened but everyone can tell something is off. Dr Berkwood worries Marc might be a controlling presence in her life and tries to intervene.
Main Character journey: Jane gets in a screaming match with someone about how they don’t have any instinct to kill animals. She yells at them because they have never found themself sitting next to their dog wanting to rip their head off and drink their blood. As Jane gets more upset her face begins to change, Marc tries to calm her down so she doesn’t kill anyone.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Heather, Dr Berkwood, and Marc are all trying to help Jane. Jane just becomes angry with them. Meanwhile Jane needs help with her mother but she just misses being able to go to her mother for advice.
Action/Reaction: Jane goes to visit her mom in the hospital. She has gotten weaker. Jane asks her mom if she could magically make her better, would she? Her mom seems out of it, but she nods and smiles at Jane.
Cliffhanger: Jane decides to turn her mom.
Summary: Jane needs to make up for lost time from the accident, and decides to throw herself right back into work and activism. Everyone can tell something is off with Jane, and Dr. Berkwood thinks it has something to do with Marc, and that he’s controlling her. Jane gets angry at someone about speciesism and screams at them. She begins to turn, but Marc calms her down. Dr Berkwood and Marc try to help Jane slow down and rest, but she gets angry with them. She goes to visit her mom in the hospital as her mom’s condition gets worse. She asks her mom if she could magically make her better would she like that? Her mom nods. Jane decides to turn her, but just as she is about to give her mom her blood, her mom goes into A-fib and doctors rush in to help her and make Jane leave the room.
Episode 6:
Hook/Intrigue: Show Dr. Berkwood’s backstory of her family life. Her marriage failed and her husband wants custody of the kids and he forces them to eat meat when he has them. Dr. Berkwood doesn’t know who to talk to, since Jane is going through a lot, so she works herself to the bone.
Main Character journey: Jane notices Dr. Berkwood’s distress and talks to her about it. Jane realizes that she uses work to get away from her problems, just like Dr. Berkwood.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Jane is a workaholic and feels bad for not being there more for her mom.
Action/Reaction: Jane goes back to the hospital to be with her mom. She is stable but on a breathing machine.
Cliffhanger: Jane tries to turn her mom, and has a coherent conversation with her. Her mom tells her she had everything in life she ever wanted and that she will always be with Jane.
Summary: Dr. Berkwood is going through a divorce. Her husband is a wealthy lawyer, and fighting her for custody. He forces their kids to eat meat, and the kids don’t like it. Dr. Berkwood abhors it. She buries herself in her work to cope. Jaen realizes that she and Dr. Berkwood have this in common. Jane decides to go visit her mom, who is stable, but on a breathing machine. She gives her mom some of her blood and is able to have a coherent conversation with her. Her mom tells her that she had everything she wanted in life and that Jane is her gift to the world.
Episode 7: Jane’s mom dies
Hook/Intrigue: Jane’s mom has already been to the afterlife. She tells her grandma told her Jane won’t be joining in a dream, and Jane has other dreams where her mom won’t talk to her, and she can’t get to her, and that her mom is sick.
Main Character journey: Jane tells Dr. Berkwood and she tells Jane that it’s just trauma and not actually her mom. She recommends plant medicine. Jane signs up for ayahuasca
Major Challenge/Conflict: Jane is struggling with grief, and still wants to keep going to school and doing activism.
Action/Reaction: They have a barbecue with Bram and Lucy and Mina. Lucy spikes Jane’s meal with meat and they fight. Jane explains that animals are innocent and can’t consent, but humans can. Lucy tells Jane she ordered her homeless friend to be taken off the streets
Cliffhanger: Jane tells Dr. Berkwood something isn’t right about Lucy and that she can’t read her. Dr. Berkwood teaches her remote viewing and Jane sees Lucy and Mina. Lucy sees her.
Summary: Jane’s mom tells her that she was in the most beautiful place with her Grandparents and other loved ones who passed. Jane tells her she can stay now if she feeds on blood, but her mom wants to cross over. She says that isn’t right, but that she will always be with her, no matter what. Jane is stricken with grief from losing her mom, but continues going to school. Jaen is having disturbing dreams of her mom and thinks she’s in pain, and she has a breakdown at school. Dr. Berkwood pulls her aside and tells her about plant medicine and how it helped her with her grief of losing her father. Jane signs up.
Bram has a barbecue to support Jane in her grief. Lucy spikes Jane’s meal with meat, and Jane gets very angry. Lucy tells her that she is a hypocrite for not eating meat, but drinking blood. Jane explains to her that it’s about consent. Lucy tells Jane she had her houseless friend taken off the streets. Jane goes to Dr. Berkwood about Lucy. Dr Berkwood teaches her remote viewing. She tries to see Lucy, but Lucy sees her, and it freaks her out.
Episode 8:
Main Character journey: Jane goes to an ayahuasca retreat fort he weekend.
Major Challenge/Conflict: Jane’s mom comes to her and gives her a warning, shows her that the blood she drinks is poison. She sees human farms of people being tortured and killed for blood Jane is trying to figure out what she saw on her journey and why.
Action/Reaction: Other people try to tell Jane what her visions mean and it makes no sense. She has a session with a healer, who tells Jane that she has blockages and she can help her. She sees something strange that she can’t decipher and wants to work more with her, but Jane is afraid she’s onto her and gets paranoid. She starts to turn from the stress and the Shaman comes and calms her down.
Cliffhanger: Jane leaves the retreat feeling more confused and lost. She goes and tells Marc what she saw in her visions, and he tells her that what she saw is real and that there actually are people farms.
Episode 8: Jane goes on a plant medicine retreat. She sees her mom who seems to be giving her a warning. Her friends at the ceremony try to help decipher her strange experience and what it means but her shaman tells her all of her journey was inside of herself. The mother is showing what she needs to see to learn the truth about herself. Jane is confused by that. One more person, a healer and co-facilitator of the retreat offers to work with Jane privately. She tells Jane she sensed something strange about her and wants to help her work through it. Jane freaks out the second night and starts to turn, but the Shaman comes and does something to calm her down.
When she tells Marc about her visions, he tells her that her visions were actually real. He shows her one of the farms. Jane freaks out and vows to find another way to survive and also vows to put an end to human farms. Though she knows it could put Marc in danger, she tells Dr Berkwood about what she has learned.
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Lisa’s episode list rough draft
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to keep going with the flow, even though it’t hard to not know the answers.
Episode 1: Jane gets run over by a slaughterhouse truck and Marc, saves her by turning her into a vampire.
Episode 2: Jane has an unquenchable thirst for blood and can’t keep herelf under control and needs an intervention.
Episode 3: Marc introduces Jane to Mina, an OC vampire who takes her under her wing, and gives her some blood bags.
Episode 4: Lucy is cruel to Jane and tries to sabotage her
Episode 5: Jaen is curious about where the blood comes from, so Marc tells her that he used to work for the human farms
Episode 6: Mina takes Jane to a human farm, and assures her that the humans there are happy, but something seems off
Episode 7: Jane demands more information from Marc, but he swore to secrecy that he wouldn’t tell and his livelihood depends on it, but he shows Jane where the real farms are.
Episode 8: Jane finds the factory human farms , but can’t go inside, so she goes there undercover and applies to work there.
Episode 9: Jane discovers the truth, that her blood has been taken from humans who are kept in poor conditions, raped and eventually killed.
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Lisa’s Five Seasons
What I learned doing this assignment is that if I keep going and not get hung up on stuff, more creative ideas flow to me. I just have to let them come and go, or grasp it if it feels right.
Season 1: Jane learns how to get on her feet as a vampire
Season 2: Jane learns about the people farms and decides to find ethical ways to get her blood.
Season 3: Jane is killing for food. She has to choose whether to turn her mom into a vampire or let her die.
Season 4: Jane is still trying to make synthetic blood. She comes close, but her work is destroyed by Lucy, who doesn’t want her way of life altered.
Season 5: Jane discovers a way to make synthetic blood, and tries to market it to the OC vampires, but they don’t want her taking away their livelihood, and powers.
3. For each season, brainstorm the Building Blocks.
Season 1: Jane the Vegan
A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Jane gets turned into a vampire
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Jane finds out she can just buy her blood, but she doesn’t know where it comes from
C. Main Conflict: Jane finds out that there are human farms for the blood she’s getting
D. Mystery/Open Loops: Where do the vampires children come from? Are they human or are they vampires? Where is all the blood coming from?
E. Cliffhanger: Jane finds out about the human farms, where she’s been getting her blood.
4. Write a description of each season and give us the 5 seasons.
Season 2: People Farms
A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Jane has been getting her blood from farms where people are killed for their blood. Jane disagrees with the ethics of these places, and Mina shows her the “ethical” farms. She still doesnt’ want to get blood from the OC vampires
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Jane decides to get blood ethically, starts a blood drive, but then there si a blood shortage, so she donates her supply to the red cross.
C. Main Conflict: She needs blood, but it’s scarce, She starts getting sicker.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: How is she going to get enough blood to live, ethically?
E. Cliffhanger: Heather gets raped, and Jane goes after her rapist, making her first kill.
Season 3: Janester
A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Jaen decides to kill for blood since she can finds the bad people and get them off the streets, using remote viewing to find them.
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Jane is learning magic from Dr. Berkwood.
C. Main Conflict: Dr. Berkwood finds out Jane is a vampire. Jane earns her trust by saving one of Dr. Berkwood’s kids.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: Vampire hunters come into town. Will Jane get caught or killed? Will Dr. Berkwood help her or betray her?
E. Cliffhanger: Jane kills one of the vampire hunters, who is also Heather’s boyfriend.
Season 4: Out for Blood
A. High concept or major hook of the season: Jane is working with Dr. Berkwood on making synthetic blood
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: The OC vampires are suspicious fo Jane and wants to know what she’s up to, but she can’t tell them until she succeeds.
C. Main Conflict: Jane ends up telling one of the OC vampires and they feel threatened. She tries to explain how it will be better.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: Will the synthetic blood actually work? Will there be any weird side effects of the blood, and will it keep the vampires immortality? Will the vampires kill Dr. Berkwood since she knows? Dr. Berkwood is secretly imbuing the blood with her own to give it soul energy, but it’s taking form her. Jane doesn’t know
E. Cliffhanger: Jane finds out that Dr. Berkwood is using her own soul energy so the vampires can still have strong powers. Lucy destroys the lab where they were working on the blood.
Season 5: Ethical Vampires?
A. High Concept or major hook of the season: Jane and Dr. Berkwood have to start over on making blood, and find a way to make it desiraable to the vampires
B. Big Picture Arc/Journey: Jane and Dr. Berkwood do activism in the vampire community to raise awareness about ethics, and also promote the synthetic blood
C. Main Conflict: the synthetic blood doesn’t give them the full supernatural powers. Some vampires want the synthetic blood, but some want to keep theiir powers.
D. Mystery/Open Loops: will they be able to improve the strength of the blood? What will happen to the human farms? Will they let them go free or just kill everyone?
E. Cliffhanger: everyone at the people farms get turned into vampires.
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What I learned doing this assignment is to not get hung up on the details and keep it moving.
Lisa’s Character Descriptions
JANE
Who is the character? Jane Role in the show? Lead, fish out of water
Noteworthy traits: loves animals, hates suffering, is taking care of her sick mother while in school for her PHD
Intriguing history: has always been an overachiever and somewhat of a perfectionist.
Intrigue? She is a vegan activist and vampire. Mystery? She is existing among humans and among the secret society of vampires.
How do they support or drive the conflict with others? She wants to stop the rich OC vampires from operating their human farms.
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character. She is a vegan, but also a vampire. She doesn’t agree with the ethics of the vampires killing people, but she kills people who she decides are “bad enough”
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters Jane wants to stop the OC vampires, Lucy wants to Sabotage Jane, and Marc, vampire hunters want to kill the vampires, vampires want to survive off the blood from the human farms, and think it is ethical and normal.
Unpredictable? Who will Jane kill next? Will Jane be able to control her thirst? How will Jane be able to continue to call herself a vegan.
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters- love interest with Marc, Lucy is her enemy, she can’t stand Ammo, Heather gets on her nerves, but she loves her. Dr. Berkwood is losing trust in her and knows something is off.
3. Organize the answers and choose which you are going to use in your description of that character.
Jane, a vegan activist, gets turned into a vampire. She has to reevaluate her ethics in order to survive and keep her thirst incontrol. She finds out that there’s a secret society of vampires who have human farms, a way to keep “the undesirables” off the streets, but Jane doesn’t agree with their ethics, even though she has to kill to survive. She only kills the people she deems as “bad” who don’t deserve to live. Jane sets out on a plan to take down the Orange County Vampires, but she has no idea what she’s getting herself into. The vampires have control over the whole city and more. Plus, they have people in the government and high levels of authority who are either under their control, or are also vampires. Jane is unsure who she can trust, but she wants to take down this unethical organization.
MARC
Who is the character? Marc Role in the show? Love interest of Jane
Noteworthy traits: Doesn’t agree with the ethics of the OC vampires, but feels powerless against them. Care’s about Jane and wants to help her. Wants to know what it’s like to be an “ethical” vampire. Doesn’t like hurting people
Intriguing history: was turned in the 1950’s by Lucy, a ruthless and entitled vampire who is hundreds of years old
Intrigue? Mystery? Jaded and sarcastic. We don’t know what his past life was like before he was a vampire. He doesn’t remember what it was like to be a human, since he’s become so disconnected from humans, since they are his source of food
How do they support or drive the conflict with others? He wants to take down the OC vampires, but doesn’t know how. He can’t stand Lucy, but she’s in love with him and will do anything to have him or control him. He wants to gain Dr. Berkwood’s trust so he can gain Jane’s trust, but she’s onto them both. He still works for the OC vampires
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character. He doesn’t like killing, but he kills to survive. He is disconnected to humans, bu secretly loves Jane. He loves Jane, but might be betraying her
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters. He is on both sides, the OC vampires and Jane. Who will he choose? Dr. Berkwood doesn’t trust him.
Unpredictable? Who will he kill next? Will he get caught or killed by the vampire hunters?
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters. Lucy loves him. He can’t stand her. He loves Jane, but Jane is clueless. He doesn’t understand people, but he wants to remember what it was like being a human and having a support system.
Marc, a sarcastic and Jaded vampire who was turned in the 1950’s, takes an interest in Jane. He doesn’t understand her, but wants to know more. He turns her after she is hit by a slaughterhouse truck to save her life, but that’s not okay with Lucy, a much older vampire who turned him, and thinks she can have control of his life. Marc doesn’t like killing people, but needs to to survive. He is intrigued by Jaen, who still wants to be an ethical vegan, but he still has ties with the OC vampires, even though he doesn’t agree with their ethics. He wants to have a true connection again. He forgot what that feels like since he can’t connect with humans, since they are his food.
Dr. Berkwood
Who is the character? Role in the show? Scientist, mentor to Jane.
Noteworthy traits- helpful and encouraging to everyone.
Intriguing history: In a past life, she was the witch who created the curse of the vampire.
Intrigue? Mystery? She is a witch, but not comfortable with her powers, but feels it doesn’t feel like it’s real, since she’s a scientist
How do they support or drive the conflict with others? She doesn’t trust Marc. She’s suspicious of Jane ever since she turned.
Irony — Opposites or paradoxes that exist with the character: She’s a scientist who is a witch
Opposing agendas/etc. that naturally causes conflict with other characters: She wants to see her students succeed, but has a fear of abandonment so she hates seeing them leave. She loves animals, but she’s had to do research on animals to get her degree. Gets underneath some students skin because she compares factory farming to slavery
Unpredictable? She’s the sweetest person, but very protective of her kids. She takes on some of her students as children of her own
Intriguing relationship with one or more characters: She cares about Jane, but grows to not trust her, because Jane is hiding something from her, but she doesn’t know what. She’s suspicious of Marc.
Dr. Berkwood, Jane’s professor, is a vegan activist and mentor to Jane. She is a witch, who created the curse of the vampires in a past life. She has powerful intuition nd suspects something is off with Jane after she turns, and thinks Marc is behind it, so she doesn’t trust him either. She sets out to find out what they are hiding, which could come to her detriment if she does. Her scientific background makes her very sceptical of anything supernatural. She takes on some students as if they are her own kids, since she feels like she failed with her own, and she has a fear of abandonment, so when her students leave, she can’t handle it, so she drinks. That makes her lose control of her powers and cause more harm than good, and mostly to herself.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to trust the process and not worry about being perfect. Just keep going.
Lisa Molenda’s intriguing concept and World
1. Present your Concept.
A. Jane, a vegan activist
B. gets turned into a vampire
C. and has to reevaluate her ethics
D. in a world where she is not alone, but up against something bigger than she had ever imagined
2. Tell us the World of this show.
Unique Sub-World: The secret society of vampires
Previously unexplored: a vegan vampire
The unknown: How deep does the conspiracy go? How much control do the vampires have? How are they getting their blood? How are they not caught?
The unseen: human blood farms, secret society of rich vampires, average vampires who are lazy and don’t hunt,
Unheard of Dangers: vampire hunters, The O.C. Vampires, Jane getting caught hunting people, getting killed or sabotaged by Lucy
Reason to explore it: Haven’t seen vegan vampires on TV before, how will Jane navigate her ethics and her thirst for blood?
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Lisa Molenda is ready for feedback
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are so many options and different routes my show can go in. I don’t have to be married to just one outcome.
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Lisa’s Creating Irony
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are lots of different ways to create irony, and that it increases intrigue when there are lots of inconsistencies in the characters.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Vampire Diaries:
Elaina is a goody-two shoes who is dating a vampire.
Damon kills for fun, but he saved Elaina.
Damon and Stefan are together all the time and the hate each other, but they also love each other.
Elaina saves Damon’s life, even though he kidnapped her.
Deadline: 24 hours
<hr>ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show
Jane the Vegan situational Irony:
a vampire who is a vegan
Dr. Berkwood is Jane’s teacher, but Jane ends up teaching her something
Ammo thinks he’s super smart, but doesn’t get Jane at all, and can’t get Jane to like him. Everyone else can see that he isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.
Ammo thinks he’s gotten revelations, but it’s for super obvious things
Jane is caring for her sick mom, but she kills other people
Marc is disconnected to most humans, but is super intrigued by Jane.
Lucy is super Jealous of Jane and Marc, but is obsessively in love with Marc, so ends up helping him.
Heather is really into vampires, but doesn’t know that Jane is one.
Heather is outwardly pretty dumb, but very creative.
Jane is upset about the people farms, even though she kills people.
The O.C. vampires like to use the argument that they are more highly evolved humans, so that’s why they have the right to eat them.
The O.C. vampires say it’s in their nature to hunt, but all their blood is packaged.
The vampires raise human babies that they turn into vampires when they come of age to appear normal.
Vampires who have super powers, but they’re super lazy.
Vampire hunters who get turned into vampires
People who try to become vampires by working their way up the level of masonry, only to find out that their devotion leads them to become a vampire, or die.
People at the human farms don’t know that they are food, but they are obsessed about their appearance, etc.
Vampires who hunt get hunted most often because they take the most risks
Vegan activists who scream in people’s faces for eating meat, but then they get turned, and have to eat blood to survive, and they have to find someone new to judge.
O.C. vampires keeping the streets “clean” but with a dirty business of human slavery
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Lisa’s Plot and Character Layers
What I learned doing this assignment is that my show already has layers built into it, so it gives me hope that my writing will flow into something beautiful and intriguing once I get started.
ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show
Vampire Diaries:
Plot Layers:
Layer 1: Stefan falls in love with Elaina
Layer 2: Stefan is a vampire and he has to resist his urge to kill Elaina and other people, since He doen’t feel like it’s ethical.
Layer 3: Damon is jealous of Stefan and wants to make his life hell, so he tries to get him caught.
Layer 4: Damon actually does have some humanity when faced with a common enemy, so he kills Stefan’s best friend to cover for him so he can stay.
Layer 5; Stafan decides it’s best he leave town so more death and destruction doesn’t continue to follow him, but there’s another vampire turning people
Layer 6: A vampire hunter turns up and kills logan, so we can’t know who turned him in the first place.
Character Layers:
Layer 1: Elaina is a sad high school student trying to have a normal life
Layer two: She falls in love with Stefan, but he’s a vampire.
Layer three: Damon turns ELaina’s brother’s girlfriend, and she inevitably has to be killed. She wants to forget Stefan, because of the pain that followed him, but doesn’t want to lose the love she has for him.
Layer four: Elaina loves Stefan anyway. They break up since Stefan is leaving.
Layer five: Now Stefan isn’t leaving because there’s another vampire turning people. They get back together but Elaina finds out she looks just like Katherine, so she leaves her vervain necklace behind and goes on a drive, but hits an unknown vampire.
<hr>ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show
Discover the layers that could exist for your show.
1. Brainstorm a list of possible PLOT layers.
O.C. Vampires seem to control everything
O.C. Vampires have people farms
Hidden history between Marc and Lucy (they used to date. Lucy turned him because she was in love, but Marc fell in love with someone else. Lucy controlled Marc’s lover’s mind and caused her to commit suicide.)
Lucy is jealous of Jane. Will she kill her too?
Vampires are keeping the city “clean” of vagrants and any “undesirables” by having the farms.
2. Brainstorm a list of possible CHARACTER layers.
CHARACTER LAYERS – identity beneath the identity.
Jane:
Secret identity: Vampire
Character intrigue: has to go against her ethics being vegan and having to consume human blood
Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Hides her relationship with Marc from her professor
Hidden Character history: Hides her lifestyle while maintaining her activism
Marc:
Secret identity: Vampire
Character intrigue: doesn’t agree with the human farms, but also has to consume blood to survive.
Hidden relationships and conspiracies: Hides relationship past with Lucy. He feels dead inside. He can’t connect with humans since he has to eat them.
Hidden Character history: History with Lucy, previous life as a mortal.
Dr. Berkwood:
Secret identity: She’s a witch
Character intrigue: She’s just coming into her power
Hidden relationships and conspiracies: She wants to destroy the vampires.
Hidden Character history: She started the curse of the vampires in a past life. Can she fix what she started?
3. Organize them each into a possible sequence of reveals.
Plot Surface:
Layer 1: Jane’s a vegan activist, taking care of her mom
Layer 2: Marc has a spark for Jane, but Lucy is jealous
Layer 3:The O.C. Vampires control everything and Jane wants to know why. Marc keeps it hidden from her to protect her, but Jane finds out and her trust in him is betrayed.
Layer 4: The O.C. vampires have human farms that parallel factory farms and “humane” farms. Jane doesn’t agree with it, but they try to convince her that they are ethical, too.
Layer 5: Marc agrees that the human farms are unethical. He has started to see the truth. How far does it go and how can they stop these inhumane practices?
Character Surface:
Layer 1: Jane is a vegan activist who is taking care of her sick mother while in school for her PhD
Layer 2: Jane is a vampire who has to control her cravings for blood or find an ethical way to consume it.
Layer 3: Jane goes on a downward spiral trying to keep up appearances adn not lose her career
Layer 4: Jane learns about the farms and it becomes her mission to destroy them.
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Lisa’s Big Picture Open Loops
What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to have more triggers and inner demons developed in all of my characters.
ASSIGNMENT 1
Will Stefan and Elaina stay together?
WIll Elaina be able to trust Stefan?
Will Damon end up killing someone Elaina loves?
Does Damon have a conscience at all or is he a sociopath?
What will happen is Bonnie finds out about the vampires? WHat will she do?
Will Bonnie ever be able to control her power?
<hr>ASSIGNMENT 2:
GOALS:
New goals?
Jane needs to find a way to drink blood ethically
Goals related to the big picture?
Jane wants to find a way to create a blood alternative that can also be used in blood transfusions.
Crushed goals?
Jane being a perfect vegan
Competition / conflict around goals?
She’s a vampire, so Jane can’t be vegan because of her thirst for blood, unless someone offers it consentually
CONSEQUENCES:
Are they going to be caught?
Jane has to hunt people who she believe deserve to die, so there’s alwasy apossibility of getting caught
Problems created from past actions?
Marc has consequences of turning Jane. Jane resents him.
Good plans gone wrong?
In Jane’s plot to kill people Jane deems bad (child molestors, murderers), she kills soemone who is innocent
SOLVING PROBLEMS:
What is the major problem for this character?
Ethically, JAen is a vegan, but physically, she can’t do it
What are they trying to solve?
How to get blood ethically
Major change imposed on character?
Jane gets turned into a vampire. Marc gets turned “vegan”
Previous solutions cause new problems?
Jane’s life was saved by Marc turning her, but she has a new dilemma of needing blood to survive.
RELATIONSHIPS:
Relationships in peril?
Jane’s relationship with Dr. Berkwood, and heather, because they don’t understand her, and she becomes distant because of her condition fo being a vampire
New relationships forming?
Jane and Marc become closer. They kiss.
Jane meets Lucy, who is very manipulative.
Jane becomes friends with Mina, another vampire who lives on the farm.
Conflict inside relationships?
Jane finds out Mina is unethical.
Relationships changing?
Jane no longer trusts Mina
DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
Can they survive X? Can Jane survive being a vampire?
Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions? Will the vampire hunters find her?
Who else is pulled into their danger? Lucy could harm Jane’s mortal friends out of jealousy of Jane and Marc’s relationship
Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)? Jane is an overachiever and perfectionist, so she’s hard on herself, which is detrimental to her.
2. Tell us your top 5-8 Big Picture Open Loops that could be in your pilot.
Can Jane live with her being a vampire?
Will Jane’s mother survive her illness?
Will Jane and Marc get together?
What is the farm?
Will Jane get killed by the vampire hunters?
WIll Jane’s friends find out she’s a vampire?
How far reaching is the control of the O.C. vampires?
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Lisa’s Show Mysteries
What I learned doing this assignment is that characters and stories need to have many layers and depth to keep people interested. We need to keep some secrets to keep the mystery going.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Vampire Diaries
Is Catherine Elaina? What is the extent of Bonnie’s powers? Will anyone find out about what really happened to Vicky? Will the town find out that there are vampires among them? Will they find out that Damon and Stefan are vampires?
Deadline: 24 hours
<hr>ASSIGNMENT 2:
Create two mysteries for your show — one that shows up strong in the Pilot and the other that is revealed over time.
1. Create your Shocking Event Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.
A. Shocking Event: Jane gets hit by slaughterhouse truck and turned into a vampire
B. Secret: Jane is a vampire, Marc is also a vampire. There are many vampires in society. Who are they?
C. Investigation: Jane is turned into a vampire, but she is vegan
WWWWW and How:
WHO:Jane
What: Vampire
When: WHen jane gets hit by a truck
Where: at a vegan activism event outside a slaughterhouse
Why:
How:
Part Withheld: No one knows how evil the secret society of vampires can be, or even if they exist.
2. Create the Over Time Mystery and tell us the WWWWW and H, along with the part withheld.
A. Cover up: No one knows Jane or Marc is a vampire except other vampires
B. Secret: There is a secret society of vampires with an even darker secret
C. Reveals: The orange county vampires have been farming humans for years.
Who: Secret society vampires
What: human farms
When: it’s ongoing, but started in the 1950’s
Where: Underground in Anaheim
Why: for food for the vampires
How: started making factory human farms when factory farming of animals first started, but the richer vampires wanted higher quality blood, so they made better condiitions for the humans in some of the human farms so that they could have better, higher quality blood.
WWWWW and How:
Part Withheld: a lot of this is held for the first season. We don’t know about the farms, and the secret society of vampires. Some hunting vampires go missing periodically because of vampire hunters.
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Lisa’s Show Empathy/ Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is that I can really dig deeper to make a more powerful and moving story that people can connect to more. It just keeps getting better.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Vampire Diaries:
Damon turns Vicky into a vampire out of boredom. It makes her go through a struggle from her transition and her unquenchable thirst for blood. Stefan and Damon keep her away from people so she doen’t hurt anyone, but Jeremy and Mattie are really worried about her.
Vicky is in a lot of pain. She doesn’t want to be a vampire. She kills a human.
Vicky tries to kill Elaina and gets killed by Stefan. It makes Jeremy very sad. Elaina is sad for him.
Elaina wants to forget Stefan, because it hurts to know that he’s a vampire, but she doesn’t want to lose the way she feels about him.
Assignment 2
A. Undeserved misfortune: Jane getting turned into a vampire. Her mom sick with cancer
B. External Character conflicts: Lucy tries to sabotage Marc, Ammo trying to turn jane to an omnivore, Heather doing dumb shit and Jane has to help her get out of, Doloris loses her trust in Jane
C. Plot intruding on life: Jane doesn’t want to be a vampire. Jane needs to take care of her mom while juggling school
D. Moral dilemmas: Jane doesn’t like hurting others or using other beings for her own gain.
E. Forced decisions they’d never make: Jane would never kill or harm anyone and never drink blood of any other being unless it was between life and death.
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What I learned from this assignment is that you have to build a lot of layers and intrigue into both the plot and characters to make a show that totally addicts people.
BW Show: Vampire Diaries
Vampire Dairies takes place in small town. The Main characters are mostly high school students and a new guy comes to town who happens to be a vampire.
Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: What is the big hook of this show?Vampire Diaries: Elana is high school student who lost her parents so the audience feels bad for her. She becomes intrigued with a hot new guy with a secret.
My show: Jane is a vegan who gets turned into a vampire.
Amazing and Intriguing Character
Ask this: What makes these main characters intriguing and interesting?Vampire Diaries: Elena looks just like a woman from Stephan’s past, more than 100 years ago who he has in one of his diaries. Bonnie, Elena’s friend seems to be possibly discovering she has psychic powers due to her lineage of Salem witches. Stephan has a brother, Damian, a vampire who seems to want to destroy Damon but we don’t know why.
My show: Jane is a vegan who is also a vampire and has to find a way to satisfy her thirst for blood ethically. Marc is the vampire who saved Janes life after a terrible accident. He might be in love with her but he also is trying to break free from a controlling situation with the vampires of Orange County. He is just starting to awaken in himself a desire to be compassionate towards humans when previously he was disconnected due to humans being his food source. Lucy is the main vampire bitch who wants to keep control of Marc. Not sure if she loves him or just has a narcissistic need to control him.
Empathy / Distress
Ask this: What situation causes us to feel both empathy and distress for this character?Vampire Diaries: We feel compassion for Elena because she lost her parents and is just learning who she is as a person as her grief has changed her. We want Elena to be happy.
My show: We want Jane to succeed and live so she can take care of her ailing mother and continue her mission for saving animals.
Layers / Open Loops
Ask this: What questions are created by this first episode that can only be answered by watching the entire season?Who is Katherine? Why does Elena look like her. Why does Damon want so badly to destroy his brother? Will Elena and Stephan get together? Will Elena get over her grief.
My show: How does Jane get blood in a way that fits her ethics? How does she keep her secret? Does she get together with Marc? Does Marc change to be an ethical vampire, or does he turn Jane to becoming like the rest of the vampires? What is “the farm?”
Inviting Obsession
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?Vampire Diaries: I want to know what happens to Elena and her friends. Will they be safe from the vampires? Why does Elena look just like this woman from the 1800s?
My show: Starts with the death of the main character, and by the end, she transforms into a vampire. How will she cope?
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Lisa’s Show Relationship Map
What I learned doing this assignment is that when you explore your characters relationships, you can delve deeper and come up with ideas for more investing things to happen later on, which is exciting.
Assignment 1:
Elaina & Bobby
Surface: best friends
Common Ground: both students
Conflict: Bobby doesn’t trust Stephen
History: friends since grade school
Subtext: Bonnie is Psychic, Elaina isn’t
Relationship Arc: they drift apart?
Elaina & Stephen
Surface: just met
Common Ground: both students
Conflict: Stephen is distant, she does’t quite trust him
History: Elaina looks a lot like Katherine. She may have been her in another life
Subtext: they like each other
Relationship Arc: from strangers to dating
Elaina & Damon
Surface: just met
Common Ground: Damon is Dating her friend, Caroline
Conflict: He comes on to Elaina
History: May have also dated her in her past life
Subtext: Damon likes Elaina, but he can’t control her
Relationship Arc: from friendly to enemies
ASSIGNMENT 2:
Jane and Ammo
Surface: acquaintances
Common Ground: both like science
Conflict: Ammo hates vegans, but likes Jane. Jane can’t stand Ammo
History: known each other since high school, went on one date
Subtext: frenemies
Relationship Arc: from frenemies to enemies
Jane and Dr. Berkwood:
Surface: student/ teacher
Common Ground: both vegan and like science
Conflict: Dr. Berkwood doesn’t trust Marc
History: known each other since Jane was undergrad
Subtext: Jane is her Protege
Relationship Arc: from being protective of Jane to suspicious
Jane & Marc
Surface: both PhD students
Common Ground: both vampires
Conflict: Marc turned Jane and made her life more complicated
History:met at school
Subtext: Marc likes Jane. Jane is clueless but likes him too
Relationship Arc: from strangers to close
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Hello. I’m Lisa Molenda
I’ve written 15 scripts. Mostly shorts for friends in college but I was a co-writer on a feature and I made 12 short films during the beginning part of the pandemic.
I have several pilot/series ideas I’ve been thinking about (some that I’ve started) and I’d love to learn the formula for making them binge-worthy.
I’m an avid trapeze artist.
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What I learned doing this assignment is to dig deeper into the minds of my characters to get to know them more.
ASSIGNMENT 1: Example Show
Vampire DIaries
Elaina:
A. Situational: Hope:recover from the loss of her parents / Fear: that she’ll be sad forever
B. Motivation: Want: to feel powerful emotionally, validation / Need: love
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: depression / Public Mask: well adjusted highschool student
D. Weaknesses: cute vampire guys with blue eyes
E. Triggers: her brother using drugs
F. Coping Mechanism: writing in her diary
Stephen”
A. Situational: Hope: to be with Elaina / Fear: to be alone forever, hurting Elaina, people finding out he’s a vampire
B. Motivation: Want: love, a happy relationship / Need: love,
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: He’s afraid of hurting people / Public Mask: he’s a smart high school student
D. Weaknesses: Elaina, his thirst for blood
E. Triggers: his brother always gettitgn in the way and trying to sabatage him
F. Coping Mechanism: journaling
Damon:
A. Situational: Hope: to be part of society and have power / Fear: Stephen living a happy life
B. Motivation: Want: to Sabotage Staphen / Need: to be validated and loved
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: he hates Stephen / Public Mask: dreamy heartbreaker
D. Weaknesses: thirst for human blood
E. Triggers: Stephen getting the girl
F. Coping Mechanism: tries to set Stephen up to get him in trouble.
ASSIGNMENT 2: Your Show
Jane:
A. Situational: Hope: that her mother gets better and she can support her comfortably/ Fear: HEr mom dying and never seeing her become successful
B. Motivation: Want: to be successful, her mom getting better / Need: support
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: fear of failure, not making a difference in the world / Public Mask: vegan activist, scientist PhD student
D. Weaknesses: animal suffering, human suffering
E. Triggers: animal suffering, being bullied
F. Coping Mechanism: avoidance, until she becomes a vampire
Marc:
A. Situational: Hope: to find love, to stop the human farms / Fear: being alone, being hunted
B. Motivation: Want: jane / Need: love
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: feels bad about killing / Public Mask: PhD Student
D. Weaknesses: Thirt for human blood
E. Triggers: mistreatment of people
F. Coping Mechanism:
Dr. Doloris Berkwood:
A. Situational: Hope: to help her students be successful, spiritual enlightenment, changing the world by mentoring the youth to go vegan / Fear: not making a difference, being powerless
B. Motivation: Want: to make a difference in the world/ Need: love and acceptance
C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion: fears she won’t be able to do enough / Public Mask: Vegan activist, successful teacher and mentor
D. Weaknesses: suffering of animals, oppression
E. Triggers: seeing oppression
F. Coping Mechanism: activism and mentoring students to go vegan
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Hello, I had an issue getting access to all the forums so joining late.
Lisa Molenda
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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ASSIGNMENT 1:
What I learned doing this assignment is that adding layers makes your show more intriguing.
1. Think about your Example Show. Make a list of the places you’ve already seen Character Intrigue in the previous episodes.
Elaina:
Role: she wants to be happy.
Secrets: She has a diary
wound: is her loss of parents.
Stephen:
Secret: he’s a vampire and he writes in a diary
Secret identity: Vampire
Role: to control his urge to drink human blood, but is constantly tempted by Elaina.
Hidden Agenda: To be with Elaina
Wound: lost his parents and Katherine
Damon:
Role: to make life hell for Stephen
Secrets: He’s stalking Elaina
Secret identity: vampire
Hidden agenda: To take Elaina from Stephen
Conspiracy: Pretends to like Elaina’s friend, but uses her to his own advantage
Wound: He lost Katherine
ASSIGNMENT 2
1. For your Inner Circle characters, fill in any of the Intrigue items that apply.
Character Name: Jane
Role: main character, vegan who gets turned into vampire
Hidden agendas: To make people vegan to save the planet and the animals, and also find a way to make vampires not need cruelty
Competition: Orange county vampires
Conspiracies: People farms
Secrets: She’s a vampire
Deception: She’s vegan
Wound: Her mother is sick and she can’t do anything about it. She hates harming living things
Secret Identity: She’s a vampire
Character Name: Marc
Role: supporting, He is intrigued by Jane and wants her, but also wants to protect her.
Hidden agendas: He doesn’t support the human farms, and wants to stop them
Competition: Orange county vampires, especially Lucy
Conspiracies: People farms
Secrets: he’s a vampire
Deception: He’s a vampire
Wound: love of his life died in the 1950’s. He’s lost many people he loved because he outlived them
Secret Identity: a vampire pretending to be a PHd student
Character Name: Lucy
Role: villian
Hidden agendas: to maintain the status quo, keeping vampires hidden. She doesn’t want Marc to be happy.
Competition: Marc, and Jane
Conspiracies: People farms
Secrets: she’s a vampire
Deception: she’s a vampire, but also a narcissist. She wants control.
Wound: she loves Marc, but he doesn’t love her
Secret Identity: a vampire
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What I learned doing this assignment is that you need to have engaging characters that the audience cares about.
ASSIGNMENT 1:
Vampire Diaries: Elaina
A. Role in the show: She’s a fish out of water, a human who becomes a vampire and her world completely shifts.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: She cares so much about the animals and the environment. She’s good at biology, so she is working on a way to grow blood in a lab.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? She’s a vampire
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? SHe has a thirst for human blood, which goes completely against her morel compass.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Tries to find people she doesn’t feel bad about killing.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Because she is good and she loves animals and takes care of her mom and wants the world to be a better place.
ASSIGNMENT 2:
1. Tell us the journey of your show.
Jane becomes a vampire. She has to find a way to control her thirst for blood in an ethical way. She struggles to control her deep desire for blood and nearly kills someone who she didn’t intend to kill. She makes attempts at various ethical lifestyles of being an ethical vampire.
2. Who are the main characters that will sell your show?
Jane and Marc
3. Answer these questions for each of those characters.
JANE:
A. Role in the show: She’s a fish out of water, a human who becomes a vampire and her world completely shifts.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: She cares so much about the animals and the environment. She’s good at biology, so she is working on a way to grow blood in a lab.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? She’s a vampire
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing? SHe has a thirst for human blood, which goes completely against her morel compass.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Tries to find people she doesn’t feel bad about killing.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Because she is good and she loves animals and takes care of her mom and wants the world to be a better place.
MARC:
A. Role in the show: possible love interest of Jane. He’s sarcastic and jaded. He doesn’t agree with the other vampires human farms, even though he is disconnnected with humans.
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise: Despite being disconnected from humans, since they are his food, he’s somewhat of an ethical vampire as well, becasue he only hunts instead of killing farmed humans. He’s learning from Jane
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface? He’s a vampire, maybe he’s in love with Jane.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next? Will he feed in any of Jane’s friends or people she loves?
F. Empathetic: Why do we care? Because he has some goodness and he cares about Jane and protects her.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that people will not watch a show that doesn’t have a couple main characters who we care about more than anyone else, and all the other characters serve to move the main characters’ story along.
The Vampire Diaries
A. Main Characters Circle:
The vampire brothers, Alena
B. Connected Circle:
Caroline, elaina’s brother, Elana’s Aunt, the druggie girl at school and her boyfriend, The brothers’ nephew who lives with them
C. Environment Circle: Other kids at school, teachers
A. Main Characters Circle: Jane, Marc, Tabitha
B. Connected Circle:Jane’s dumb friend, Ammo, Orange county vampires, vampire hunter, Jane’s mom
C. Environment Circle: More orange county vampires, people at the people farm, homeless people, Jane’s school friends and teachers
Jane, a vegan activist, who is also a student working on her PHD is biochemistry, wants to make the world a better place, while caring for her sick mother.
Marc, a vampire, has been around since the 1800’s, and is intrigued by Jane, but also wants to protect her for some reason.
Tabitha is Jane’s mentor, who is also a vegan activist and professional at the school who mentors other students into going vegan.
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Lisa’s Act 3 Turning Point
A strong turning point is what will make the story satisfying to the audience. If nothing changes, no one cares and what’s the point? So in this story, the turning point is literally life or death.
The turning point in my story happens after Mayla sets fire to the house with her kids inside. This give David the chance to save the kids and make up for his mistakes in his past life. Seen as a hero dog now, David gets to live the last years of his life with his children.
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Lisa’s High Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is to build more substance into the characters and their stories for motivation etc. The audience needs to see this as a oiece of the cahracter’s lives rather than just feeling like the story materialized for the sake of the story.
Act 1
INT. KAI AND DIANE’S BEDROOM- NIGHT
David loves his wife and kids but Mayla, his wife, feels like kids are a burden. She tells David she doesn’t love him anymore. She tells him she hasn’t been interested in him since he was injured and lost his football scholarship. She just had the kids out of pity but she realized she could have married someone rich and successful…. And hot. At least if he was still hot or famous, he could help her career as an influecer.
After tucking in his two kids, Kai (8), and Diane (4), David Sterling has another argument with his wife Mayla. She laps him across the face and storms out of the house, to go out partying. David starts drinking as he watches Mayla livestream her wild night out. He drinks himself to sleep and passes out on the couch
INT COURT ROOM/ THEATER- NIGHT
TE 1: David wakes up in the afterlife. He drank himself to death. He wants to go back and see his kids again. His guides tell him he has already served his purpose in their lives and he will never see his kids again, and all other positions in their lives have been filled. They show him how Mayla is treating the kids, yelling at them, punishing them for no reason, and even hitting them.
David pleads with his guides to let him return. He’s so remorseful. They make an exception. He can go back as the family dog. David accepts the offer.
EXT RURAL STREET CORNER- DAY
TE 2: David, now a pitbull puppy, is abandoned in a box in the rain as a puppy.
A man finds him and brings him to a shelter.
Act 2:
INT. SHELTER- DAY
David is lonely and feels helpless. He can’t remember where he used to live in his human life. The shelter is cold and sterile. Days and weeks go by. Different people come by every day and bring home their new pets. No one wants to adopt him because he is a pitbull and they think he will be ferocious.
INT. SHELTER- DAY
David is adopted by a family, but it’s not his family. David is quiet the whole car ride to his new home.
INT. JANE’S ROOM- DAY
JANE (6) dresses David up like a babydoll and tries to put a bow on his head.
INT. MAYLA’S CHURCH
Mayla is acting like the perfect mother at church. Her kids are there with her. People compliment her on her parenting skills. KAI and DIANE are quiet.
EXT. MAYLA’S HOUSE- DAY
Mayla drops off Kai and Diane. She says she has to work.
EXT. STREET CORNER- DAY
Mayla poses for photographer in a skimpy dress.
INT. MAYLA’S HOUSE- NIGHT
Mayla arrives home with the kids. Tells them to make some sandwiches for dinner, and heads out for the night
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- NIGHT
David looks around for ways to escape. There are no open windows or doors. David goes to sleep on his mat.
Montage: David goes on walks, tries to get away, but it too small. He’e sent to a kennel for training. He gets bigger.
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY
Jane’s dad, ROBERT (30’s), comes through the front door with DAVID, now a grown pitbull. He takes the leash off David. The mailman arrrives to drop off the mail. Robert tells him he has a piece of mail to send out. He reaches out to grab it and David escapes, bursting through the front door, runnning into the mailman, and he keeps running and running
EXT. DOWNTOWN- EARLY EVENING
David find a dumpster thats open and rummages through it trying to find food. He eats some table scraps.
INT. MAYLA’S HOUSE- NIGHT
DIANE and KAI look for food in the fridge and cabinets. There’s nothing.
Mayla arrives home and asks her why they’re up. She gives them her leftover takeout food and tells them she shouldn’t have given them anythign because they’re too fat anyway.
EXT. STREET- DAY
David is looking for food in a dumpster. A houseless man, Charlie offers him some of his sandwich. They become friends. Charlie names him Danny.
INT. MAYLA’S CHURCH- DAY
A man, GREG (30’s), introduces himself to Mayla. She introduces him to her kids.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Charlie and David collect money and food from strangers.
David eats takeout food with Charlie.
Charlie talks to David. David communicates back by barking.
They decide to travel to David’s old city where he lived
EXT. STREET- NIGHT
TE 3: Winter comes and it gets very cold one night. David snuggles up to Charlie to keep each other warm. Charlie keeps drinking to stay warm. David wakes up shivering and Charlie has died, leaving David on the streets again.
INT.GRANDMA MAY’S HOUSE- CHISTMAS DAY
Mayla, Kai, and Diane are spending Christmas with David’s mother, May. May says she wants to see the kids more, and that she can help out if she needs help. Etc.
EXT. STREET-DAY
David goes through a dumpster looking for food. A STORE OWNER yells at him, tries to beat him with a broom to make him go away.
Act 3:
PLACEHOLDER: David tries using his dog instincts, picking up smells, trying to remember his kids scents, but doesn’t pick anything up.
David remembers the city where he lives. He sneaks on the bus to make it there. He tries remembering old landmarks, but it’s been a few years and things have changed.
EXT. STREET- DAY
TE 4: David sees his kids walking down the street with their mother and her boyfriend. David tries getting their attention. The kids stop to pet him and they want to keep him, but Mayla doesn’t let them. She puts the kids in the car and drives off. David tries to keep up and he can’t.
INT. MAYLA’S HOUSE- DAY
Mayla calls animal control and claims a pitbull attacked her.
Mayla and the kids are packing boxes to move in with Greg.
Diane says she wants to move in with Grandma instead.
EXT. CITY STREET- NIGHT
David gets picked up by animal control. He’s so mild tempered, they dont think he’s the right dog.
He gets sent to an animal shelter.
EXT MAYLA’S HOUSE- DAY
The kids load the last of their things in the car. Greg drives the truck ahead of them.
KAI opens the window and sticks his arm out as they are riding to their new house.
INT ANIMAL SHELTER- DAY
David is adopted by a scruffy looking man, JIMMY (40)’s
INT. JIIMY’S CAR- DAY
David recognizes some of the streets from his previous human life.
Flashback of human David driving down the same streets.
Jimmy tells David he’ll be a good fighting dog
David and Jimmy arrive at a rundown looking house in the country. There’s lots of barking heard from behind the house. Jimmy puts a collar on David and tries to take him to the back of the house. There are dogs in cages in the back. David struggles to get away, and bites Jimmy. Jimmy lets go, adn David runs away. Jimmy pulls out a gun, shoots, and misses. David keeps running.
MAYLA AND GREG’S HOUSE-NIGHT
KAI comes home with a black eye. Some kids beat him up after school. Mayla tells him it’s because he should learn how to fight back and not be like his father.
It’s becoming harder for her to keep her secret that she’s abusing her kids.
MONTAGE
Flashback of Human David driving down certain streets and seeing different street signs.
Dog David passes the same streets on foot from day to night.
This goes back and forth between human David and dog David
EXT. DAVID AND MAYLA’S OLD HOUSE- NIGHT
TE 5: David finds his old house, but it’s empty and for sale. He picks up his kids’ scents, and tries to trace them.
He seems to lose the scent in the driveway, but keeps sniffing around. He picks up a scent and follows it.
PLACEHOLDER: How does David find their new house? Does he run into the husband and track him? Or finds some trash that smells like someone and tracks them?
Act 4
EXT. GREY AND MAYLA’S HOUSE-NIGHT
David finds the new house. Mayla and Greg, her new husband, are having an argument. Greg storms out of the house. Mayla puts the kids to bed and gives them benadryl and packs a bag. She plugs in a bunch of things to an outlet and several power strips and starts a fire. She walks out the door and David bites leg and growls, ferociously. Mayla runs, leaving the door open. She gets in her car and drives off.
TE 6: David goes into the house and wakes up Kai, Kai bring himself and Diane out a window and David is trapped inside. Firefighters arrive, and pull David out of the house, but he’s unconscious. They try to revive him. After a couple minutes he wakes up.
EXT. MOTEL- DAY
TE 7: Mayla is arrested for multiple charges and is put in jail.
EXT. REMAINS OF GREG AND MAYLA’S HOUSE-DAY
Reporters stand outside covering the news. David is recognized for being a hero. Kai and Diane get to keep him and they all live with their grandmother.
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Lisa’s High Speed Beat Sheet
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep moving, even if I’m stuck and don’t know how a part is going to resolve. It was difficult to do that because the perfectionist in me wanted to figure it out first.
Act 1
INT. KAI AND DIANE’S BEDROOM- NIGHT
After tucking in his two kids, Kai (8), and Diane (4), David Sterling has an argument with his wife Mayla. She storms out of the house, to go out partying. David starts drinking. He drinks himself to sleep and passes out on the couch
INT COURT ROOM/ THEATER- NIGHT
TE 1: David finds himself in the afterlife. He drank himself to death. He wants to go back and see his kids again. His guides tell him he has already served his purpose in their lives and he will never see his kids again, and all other positions have been filled. They show him how Mayla is treating the kids, yelling at them, punishing them for no reason, and even hitting them.
David pleads with his guides to let him return. He’s so remorseful. They make an exception. He can go back as the family dog. David accepts the offer.
EXT RURAL STREET CORNER- DAY
TE 2: David, now a pitbull puppy, is abandoned in a box in the rain as a puppy.
A man finds him and brings him to a shelter.
Act 2:
INT. SHELTER- DAY
David is lonely and feels helpless. He can’t remember where he used to live in his human life. The shelter is cold and sterile. Days and weeks go by. different people come by every day and bring home their new pets, not wanting to adopt him because he is a pitbull and they think he will be ferocious.
INT. SHELTER- DAY
David is adopted by a family, but it’s not his family. David is quiet the whole car ride to his new home.
INT. JANE’S ROOM- DAY
JANE (6) dresses David up like a babydoll and tries to put a bow on his head.
INT. MAYLA’S CHURCH
Mayla is acting like the perfect mother at church. Her kids are there with her. People compliment her on her parenting skills. KAI and DIANE are quiet.
EXT. MAYLA’S HOUSE- DAY
Mayla drops off Kai and Diane. She says she has to work
EXT. STREET CORNER- DAY
Mayla poses for photographer in a skimpy dress
INT. MAYLA’S HOUSE- NIGHT
Mayla arrives home with the kids. Tells them to make some sandwiches for dinner, and heads out for the night
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- NIGHT
David looks around for ways to escape. There are no open windows or doors. David goes to sleep on his mat.
Montage: David goes on walks, tries to get away, but it too small. He’e sent to a kennel for training. He gets bigger.
INT. JANE’S HOUSE- DAY
Jane’s dad, ROBERT (30’s), comes throught the front door with DAVID, now a grown pitbull. He takes the leash off David. THe mailman arrrives to drop off the mail. Robert tells him he has a piece of mail to send out. He reaches out to grab it and David escapes, bursting throught the front door, runnnign into the mailman, and he keeps running and running
EXT. DOWNTOWN- EARLY EVENING
David find a dumpster thats open and rummages through it trying to find food. He eats some table scraps.
INT. MAYLA’S HOUSE- NIGHT
DIANE and KAI look for food in the fridge and cabinets. There’s nothing.
Mayla arrives home and asks her why they’re up. She gives them her leftover takeout food and tells them she shouldn’t have given them anythign because they’re too fat anyway.
EXT. STREET- DAY
David is looking for food in a dumpster. A houseless man, Charlie offers him some of his sandwich. They become friends. Charlie names him Danny.
INT. MAYLA’S CHURCH- DAY
A man, GREG (30’s), introduces himself to Mayla. She introduces him to her kids.
EXT. STREET- DAY
Charlie and David collect money and food from strangers.
David eats takeout food with Charlie.
Charlie talks to David. David communicates back by barking.
They decide to travel to David’s old city where he lived
EXT. STREET- NIGHT
TE 3: Winter comes and it gets very cold one night. David snuggles up to Charlie to keep each other warm. Charlie keeps drinking to stay warm. David wakes up shivering and Charlie has died, leaving David on the streets again.
INT.GRANDMA MAY’S HOUSE- CHISTMAS DAY
Mayla, Kai, and Diane are spending Christmas with David’s mother, May. May says she wants to see the kids more, and that she can help out if she needs help. Etc.
EXT. STREET-DAY
David goes through a dumpster looking for food. A STORE OWNER yells at him, tries to beat him with a broom to make him go away.
Act 3:
EXT. STREET- DAY
TE 4: David sees his kids walking down the street with their mother and her boyfriend. David tries getting their attention. The kids stop to pet him and they want to keep him, but Mayla doesn’t let them. She puts the kids in the car and drives off. David tries to keep up and he can’t.
INT. MAYLA’S HOUSE- DAY
Mayla calls animal control and claims a pitbull attacked her.
Mayla and the kids are packing boxes to move in with Greg.
Diane says she wants to move in with Grandma instead.
EXT. CITY STREET- NIGHT
David gets picked up by animal control. He’s so mild tempered, they dont think he’s the right dog.
He gets sent to an animal shelter.
EXT MAYLA’S HOUSE- DAY
The kids load the last of their things in the car. Greg drives the truck ahead of them.
KAI opens the window and sticks his arm out as they are riding to their new house.
INT ANIMAL SHELTER- DAY
David is adopted by a scruffy looking man, JIMMY (40)’s
INT. JIIMY’S CAR- DAY
David recognizes some of the streets from his previous human life.
Flashback of human David driving down the same streets.
Jimmy tells David he’ll be a good fighting dog
David and Jimmy arrive at a rundown looking house in the country. There’s lots of barking heard from behind the house. Jimmy puts a collar on David and tries to take him to the back of the house. There are dogs in cages in the back. David struggles to get away, and bites Jimmy. Jimmy lets go, adn David runs away. Jimmy pulls out a gun, shoots, and misses. David keeps running.
MAYLA AND GREG’S HOUSE-NIGHT
KAI comes home with a black eye. Some kids beat him up after school. Mayla tells him it’s because he should learn how to fight back and not be like his father.
It’s becoming harder for her to keep her secret that she’s abusing her kids.
MONTAGE
Flashback of Human David driving down certain streets and seeing different street signs.
Dog David passes the same streets on foot from day to night.
This goes back and forth between human David and dog David
EXT. DAVID AND MAYLA’S OLD HOUSE- NIGHT
TE 5: David finds his old house, but it’s empty and for sale. He picks up his kids’ scents, and tries to trace them.
He seems to lose the scent in the driveway, but keeps sniffing around. He picks up a scent and follows it.
Act 4
EXT. GREY AND MAYLA’S HOUSE-NIGHT
David finds the new house. Mayla and Greg, her new husband, are having an argument. Greg storms out of the house. Mayla puts the kids to bed and gives them benadryl and packs a bag. She plugs in a bunch of things to an outlet and several power strips and starts a fire. She walks out the door and David bites leg and growls, ferociously. Mayla runs, leaving the door open. She gets in her car and drives off.
TE 6: David goes into the house and wakes up Kai, Kai brings himself and Diane out a window and David is trapped inside. Firefighters arrive, and pull David out of the house, but he’s unconscious. They try to revive him. After a couple minutes he wakes up.
EXT. MOTEL- DAY
TE 7: Mayla is arrested for multiple charges and is put in jail.
EXT. REMAINS OF GREG AND MAYLA’S HOUSE-DAY
Reporters stand outside covering the news. David is recognized for being a hero. Kai and Diane get to keep him and they all live with their grandmother.
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OOPS! I had posted days 7’s assignment here on accident, but I will post it in the day 7 forum, instead
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Lisa Molenda. Reason: oops! posted day 7 assignment on day 6
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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Lisa’s Transformational Events
What I learned doing this assignment is to use certain events to make a gradual change in the Protagonist’s character. I believe in him more now.
David Sterling Old Ways:
Alcoholic, drinks himself to sleep every night
Lets life live him, doesn’t feel in control of his circumstances
Lets Mayla run the show
David Sterling New Ways:
Hopeful of a better future with his kids
Does whatever he can to find his kids
Knows what he wants, and doesn’t let anyone get in the way of that
Changes that need to happen:
See that Mayla is the enemy
Accept his new fate, as an opportunity to see his kids again
He needs to become more disciplined to fight for what he wants
He needs to adjust to being a human in a dogs body
He needs to learn basic survival skills
He needs to connect to his senses and use new ways to find his kids
Stand up to Mayla
Save his kids
Transformational Events:<div>David is in the afterlife and is shown the abuse that Mayla is doing to his kids, but is told he can’t see his kids again unless he goes back as a dog
David is abandoned and adopted by a family who treats him like a doll
Charlie, his one true companion, dies
David sees his kids with their mom but they drive away, and he doesn’t know where to find them
David uses his doggy senses to try and locate his kids
Sees Mayla fleeing the house after setting it on fire. He bites her, but she drives away
David goes into a burning building to save his kids, but gets trapped once they get out of the house. Will he survive.
Mayla is sent to jail, and David gets to live with his kids as a loyal companion for the rest of his days. He values his time with them more than ever.
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Lisa’s Four Act Transformational Structure
What I learned from doing this assignment was that I need a stronger conflict with the antagonist to make the story more interesting.
Concept:
After an alcoholic father dies, He is given a chance to go back to see his kids, but as the family dog. He has to fight to survive, while trying to find his kids to save them from their abusive mother.
Main Conflict:
Mayla resents David for leaving her behind with the kids and she’s taking it out on the kids, being abusive and neglectful. Deep down she wants to get rid of the kids.
David Sterling Old Ways:
Alcoholic, drinks himself to sleep every night
Lets life live him, doesn’t feel in control of his circumstances
Lets Mayla run the show
David Sterling New Ways:
Hopeful of a better future with his kids
Does whatever he can to find his kids
Knows what he wants, and doesn’t let anyone get in the way of that
Act 1
Opening: After tucking in his two kids, Kai (10), and Diane (6), David Sterling has an argument with his wife Mayla. She storms out of the house, to go out partying. David starts drinking. He drinks himself to sleep and passes out on the couch
Inciting Incident: David finds himself in the afterlife. He drank himself to death. He wants to go back and see his kids again. His guides tell him he has already served his purpose in their lives and he will never see his kids again, and all other positions have been filled. THey show him how Mayla is treating the kids, yelling at them, punishing them for no reason, and even hitting them.
David pleads with his guides to let him return. He’s so remorseful. They make an exception. He can go back as the family dog, but he will first experience the same abuse and neglect his kids experienced by him being gone
Turning Point: David accepts the offer and returns to earth as a dog. He is abandoned in a box in the rain as a puppy. Someone finds him and brings him to a shelter.
Act 2:
Reaction: David is lonely and feels helpless. He can’t remember where he used to live in his human life. The shelter is cold and sterile. Finally he is adopted by a family, but it’s not his family. The little girl dresses him up like a babydoll and treats him like a toy. He misses his family.
Meanwhile, Mayla is posing as a perfect example of a mother at her church, and is an instagram model/ influencer. At home, she is always angry and abusive towards her kids.
New Plan: David finds a way to escape. It’s hard for him to find food and shelter. He gets adopted on the street by a houseless man, Charlie, who takes care of him. They travel from city to city. David enjoys the freedom and company, but doesn’t recognize his surroundings, and still can’t remember details from his human life.
Mayla has started dating a man from her church. Things are getting serious.
Turning Point 2: Winter comes and it gets very cold one night. David snuggles up to Charlie to keep each other warm. Charlie keeps drinking to stay warm. David wakes up shivering and Charlie has died, leaving David on the streets again.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: David tries using his dog instincts, picking up smells, trying to remember his kids scents, but doesn’t pick anything up.
New Plan: David remembers the city where he lives. He sneaks on the bus to make it there. He tries remembering old landmarks, but it’s been a few years and things have changed.
David sees his kids walking down the street with their mother and her boyfriend. David tries getting their attention. They stop to pet him and they want to keep him, but Mayla doesn’t let them. She puts the kids in the car and drives off. David tries to keep up and he can’t.
New insights:
Somehow, seeing his kids has made him remember his old address. He starts looking for ways to get back to his old house.
Mayla has remarried and moves in with her new husband in his house. It’s becoming harder for her to keep her secret that she’s abusing her kids.
Turning Point 3: David finds his old house, but it’s empty and for sale. He picks up his kids’ scents. He keeps searching.
Act 4
Climax: David finds the new house. Mayla and Greg, her new husband, are having an argument. Greg storms out of the house. Mayla puts the kids to bed and gives them benadryl and packs a bag. She plugs in a bunch of things to an outlet and several power strips and starts the fire. She walks out the door and David pulls her pant leg and growls, ferociously. Mayla runs, leaving the door open. She gets in her car and drives off.
David goes into the house and wakes up Kai, Kai bring himself and Diane out a window and David is trapped inside. Firefighters arrive, and pull David out of the house, but he’s unconscious. They try to revive him. After a couple minutes he wakes up.
Resolution: Mayla is arrested for multiple charges and is put in jail. David is recognized for being a hero. Kai and Diane get to keep him and they all live with their grandmother.
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Lisa’s Character Interviews
What I learned doing this assignment is the root of the antagonist, Mayla’s abuse towards her kids, and what what drives her. Also I uncovered a lot of backstory of her and David’s relationship.
QUESTIONS FOR YOUR PROTAGONIST
1. Tell me about yourself. “I’m David Sterling. I’m a father of a little boy and a little girl. Kai, my son is 10, and Diane, my daughter, is 6. I have a wife, Mayla, of ten years, same age as my son. She can be difficult, downright cruel sometimes. I try to be the best father I can be to my kids. They’re my life. I drink a bit, but I’ve always been a good provider. I have a good job. I’m not one for causing trouble.”<div>2. Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you? “Well I think I was meant to be a father. Maybe I wanted to prove to myself that I could be one. I guess I failed. My time was cut short, but it was my fault. I could’ve done better. I should’ve stood up for myself. Now I’ve gotten this opportunity that isn’t common. I get to go back. I gotta make it right. My kids deserved better. I want to make things better.”</div><div>3. You are up against Mayla. What is it about them that makes this journey even more difficult for you? “Well, I heard from the powers that be that she’s mistreating my kids, and I can’t be there to stop it. I gotta do something, and no one knows what she’s capable of other than me. I’m the only one who sees through her. My kids wouldn’t dare say anything. She’s got them so scared of the foster care system they wouldn’t make a squeak, but what she’s doing is wrong. My kids are good kids. They don’t deserve that mistreatment she’s putting them through. I wish I could say something and expose her lies.”</div><div>4. In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make and which of them will be the most difficult? “I’m not going drink anymore, not that I’d really be able to as a dog. I gotta push through and survive. I’d do anything for my kids. I’m the only one who cares as much as I do. I know It’s gonna be hard without being able to speak, or drive, or talk, or do any of the things I was used to doing in my old life, but I don’t have any other choice. I’ll take what I can get and make the most of it.”</div><div>5. What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of? “My insecurity and not believing in myself. That was always the toughest. I never has a father figure to look to to show me the right way. I always felt so lost and like I didn’t know what I was doing, when I had more than enough resources at my fingertips. I could’ve done so much better. I see that now” </div><div>6. What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back? “My fear of not being able to be a good father, of not being able to satisfy my wife, my wound of not having a father, and now my wound of failing my kids and being absent from their lives.”</div><div>7. What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist? “I know Mayla like no one else does. I know her weakness, that she’ll do anything for attention. If there’s some way I can get through to my kids, I can stop her. Or at least get my kids away from her.”</div><div>8. What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know? “As a dog, I can’t speak, so no one will know that it’s me. It’s kind of embarrassing though, so I wouldn’t want Mayla to know its me. It’s my cover. Part of me wants my kids to know that it’s me and part of me doesn’t, in case they don’t accept me.”</div><div>9. What do you think of Mayla? “She’s wounded. I understand her. She grew up without a father like I did. She can be difficult, but I deal with it the best I can and try to make it work. She used to just be a bully to me, but now that I’m not there she’s taking out on the kids. I once hoped things can workout, but I just don’t feel the same way about her I once did. And she goes out. I can’t blame her. I know I wasn’t always the most present with her. My kids need me though. She thinks she would get custody if we ever separated, and I believe her. The tend to side with the mom anyway.”</div><div>10. Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story. “I think I did a pretty good job of raising my kids as far as I did. Then one night Mayla and I had an argument. She left after the kids were asleep, and I started drinking. I should’ve stopped, but I just couldn’t. Next thing you know, I’m in the afterlife. I’m being talked to about my life choices. I’m in shock. I didn’t think it would come to this. They show me Mayla mistreating the kids. They’re crying. I can’t take it. I had to stop her. I want to go back, but they tell me all the positions have been filled for my kids lives and that I already served my purpose, and will never see them again. I can’t accept that, so I beg and plead with them, defending my case. They make an exception. Tell me I can go back as a dog. It’s not what I was expecting, but I take the offer. Once I get to earth, I thought maybe they would adopt me as a puppy, but I was abandoned in the rain in a cardboard box. A truck driver found me and took me to a shelter. From there I was adopted by another family, but they weren’t mine. I was comfortable, but not with my kids, and the little girl treated me like her baby doll. I’m a human being. Well, was one anyway. I escaped one day and ran away. I had to find my kids. I was a scavenger, begging for food on the streets. For a while actually. Then one day I saw them. My kids. They were a few years older. I started barking and wagging. I was so happy to see them. They even asked if they could take me home, but their mom wasn’t having it. I tried to protect them, to take them away from her, but she took them in the car and they drove off. I was out on the streets again. I had another owner take me in temporarily, a homeless man. Charlie was his name. Hardly anyone knew that. It got pretty cold and he kept drinking to stay warm. I tried to keep him warm, but it didn’t do any good. Charlie died that night the same way I did. Found myself in a shelter once again. I wasn’t a puppy anymore. My time was running out. They were gonna put me down, but then I saw Kai and Diane. Kai was all grown up. I started wagging and barking. They didn’t pay me much attention. They almost left with another dog, but I wouldn’t stop. Diane looked into my eyes. I think she saw me. She said maybe they should pick me because I love them. They were right.”</div><div>11. What does it do for your life if you succeed here? I can have a life with my kids and show them the love and kindness they deserve.</div><div>
QUESTIONS FOR YOUR ANTAGONIST
1. Tell me about yourself. “I’m Mayla, a single mother of two kids, and a widow. I never had a father growing up, so I always wonder what my life would’ve been like with one. I’m an instagram model and influencer. I’m active in my church, and part of the choir. One day I’ll be the soloist, or maybe the music pastor. I can play percussion.”</div><div>2. Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? “My strengths are my hair, and my face, my body for sure, especially after having two kids.. and my kids, of course. They can get difficult, but mother always knows best. I’m doing what I think is best, for me, and those chubby little brats. Weaknesses? I guess my kids fall in that category, too. They don’t want to be around me, and I don’t want other people to know. I need the attention from them. I crave it. I’ve had such a hard life. I wish people could understand.”</div><div>3. Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change? “David was an alcoholic. He left us to fend for ourselves. Didn’t even leave behind a life insurance policy. I wish I could make him pay.”</div><div>4. What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition? “ I deserve to be the center of attention, in the spotlight.”</div><div>5. What drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death? “I have to keep doing what I’m doing, making a better life for myself, getting more followers. It just feels good to get attention. I never got enough of it as a kid. I deserve to be seen, and these kids keep taking it from me. David was supposed to be here and every day, they remind me that he’s not, and it just me. I hate it!”</div><div>6. What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear / insecurity? “I can’t let people know what it’s really like being at my house. Can’t quite keep these kids in line, no matter what I do. I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m not doing my job as a mother. I take pride in that.”</div><div>7. Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? “People like me? There’s no one else like me. I’m just prettier than they are. Okay and I’ve accomplished a lot more.”</div><div>8. What do you think of David? “David is weak. The kids liked him more because he always played mister nice guy and left me to be the disciplinarian. That was supposed to be his job. I wish I could give him what he deserves. He loved these kids. They definitely take after their father. He was a chubby, awkward kid.”</div><div>9. Tell me your side of this whole conflict / story. “David and I were once in love. Then Kai came along, and things just weren’t the same. I wasn’t ready to be a mother, and frankly I don’t think he was ready for fatherhood either. We were supposed to travel the world together. I could’ve had such an amazing modeling career. Abortion wasn’t an option here. He swore he’d do whatever he could to let me have my career. It was working for a while, but then Diane came along.. I resented him after that. We had our church and our kids, but I always wanted so much more. I just wanted to be seen, and the kids were always getting in the way, especially after David was gone. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was so selfish. These kids drive me crazy, and they remind me of him so much. I can’t stand it! I wish I could pawn them off on someone else, but that wouldn’t look good on me. I’ll just keep smiling and putting on my makeup. Everything is fine.”
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Lisa’s Character Profiles Part 2
What I learned about this assignment is that I need to go deeper into the minds of my characters to make them more rounded and believable. It also helps to drive the story along in a more powerful way.
David Sterling (protagonist)
Role in the story: Fighter/ Dreamer Loving, yet alcoholic father dies, and wants to return to earth to be with his kids and be a better man.
Age range and description: late 20’s/ early 30’s, in shape, attractive but not like a model
Internal Journey: From feeling weak and helpless, remorseful for not being there for his kids, to fighting to find them so he can be their loyal companion and protector.
External Journey: Has a rough relationship with his wife. abuses alcohol and dies from alcohol poisoning. Has to go back as a dog and suffer the same abuse and neglect he caused his kids for not fulfilling his role as a father, before he can be with his kids.
Motivation: Wants to be with his kids again
Wound: remorse for failing as a father
Mission/Agenda: to find his kids and be their protector and companion
Secret: He’s an alcoholic
What makes them special?
He’s a dog who has human memories, but can’t communicate as a human.
Mayla Sterling (antagonist)
Role in story: Predator Abusive wife of David, and mother of two kids, was neglectful of her two kids when her husband was alive, and abusive to them after he dies. Doesn’t want to be a mom anymore.
Age range and Description: late 20’s, beautiful model-like
Internal Journey: no change
External Journey: Gets more abusive to her kids after her husband dies, neglecting them more and more, going out and bringing home strange men. Meanwhile she seems like a perfect single mom and damsel in distress to her church friends.
Motivation: wants to punish her kids for being a burden and resents David for leaving
Wound: abandonment issues
Mission/Agenda: to have her freedom back, and to get as much attention as possible
Secret: she abuses her kids
What makes them special? No one at her church thinks she abuses her kids. Wise con artist.
Supporting Characters:
Kai Sterling
age 10, Older brother of Dana, and son of Mayla and David.
Dana Sterling
Age 6, younger sister of Kai and daughter of David and Mayla.
Minor Roles:
Shelter owner
Veterinarian
Mom, dad, and daughter (5), who adopt David as a dog
Spirit Guide(s) who tell David he can’t go back to see his kids, unless he returns as a dog
Judge, who emancipates Kai and makes him the guardian of Dana
Puppy that Kai and Dana almost adopt
Background roles
People who mistreat David on the streets
People at the animal shelter
People at the park, playing with their dogs
People at church
Genre: Drama
Part 2
David Sterling
What draws us to this character?
David is a loving father who cares about his kids, but he’s flawed. He is so remorseful for his failure as a father, but is so grateful for getting a chance to redeem himself, and he will do whatever it takes to have a happy life with his kids.
Traits: vulnerable, goes from helpless to empowered, non-confrontational to protector
Subtext: stuffs his emotions and tries to drink them away. needs to drink to stand up to his wife. He is affectionate to his kids.
Flaw: He’s an alcoholic
Values: Loves his kids, is a good provider and puts his kids first, believes in staying married til death
Irony: He’s an alcoholic, but is actually the better parent, even though he feels like a failure. He would always stuff his emotions instead of communicating. Then as a dog, he desires so badly to be able to speak to his kids to tell them its him and that he’s sorry, but he can’t because he’s a dog.
What makes him the right character for this role? He’s kind-hearted deep down. He just lacks confidence and assertiveness, until he is forced to survive to have a life with his kids again.
Mayla Sterling
What draws us to this character?
Mayla is two faced, charming around her friends at church, but emotionally abusive and neglectful to her kids at home.
Traits: Narcissist, manipulative, polite in public, superficial
Subtext: Everything she does has to serve her in some way, constantly seeking attention and making up stories to make people feel bad for her.
Flaw: Can’t connect with people because she lies so much
Values: Attention, looking good, appearing as a damsel in distress
Irony: She gets a lot of attention from people, but can never really connect. People find out her secret when her son gets emancipated and he gets legal guardianship of his younger sister. Her world of lies she tried so hard to build, falls apart, so she moves away.
What makes her the right character for this role?
She’s really good at being two-faced, she disguises her selfishness and appears a saint to some
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Lisa’s Transformational Journey
What I learned from this assignment is to go deeper into the mind of the character and to empathize with them, making a more powerful character arc in the story.
David, an alcoholic dad of two young children, dies of alcohol poisoning, leaving them behind with their abusive mother. He wants to come back and make amends for his kids and be a better father, but the only way he can go back is by becoming a dog. What he doesn’t know is that he must experience the same abuse and neglect he caused his kids before he can be reunited with them. By the end of the movie, he is so profoundly grateful for his kids, being their loyal companion and friend.
Internal journey: from weak and overcome by alcoholism, to loyal and protective, determined to be there for his former kids.
External journey: From alcoholic, absent father to loyal family pet and companion.
Old ways:
Alcoholic
Doesn’t stand up for himself
Absent from his kids lives much of the time
New ways:
Loyal companion
Grateful to be in the presence of his former kids
Fights for what he wants and doesn’t give up until he can be with his kids once again
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What I learned doing this assignment is that I needed to fill out other aspects of the lead characters to make them more believable.
Making Amends
David Sterling (protagonist)
Role in the story: Fighter/ Dreamer, Loving, yet alcoholic father dies, and wants to return to earth to be with his kids and be a better man.
Age range and description: late 20’s/ early 30’s, in shape, attractive but not like a model
Internal Journey: From feeling weak and helpless, remorseful for not being there for his kids, to fighting to find them so he can be their loyal companion and protector.
External Journey: Abuses alcohol and dies from alcohol poisoning. Has to go back as a dog and suffer the same abuse and neglect he caused his kids for not fulfilling his role as a father before he can be with his kids
Motivation: Wants to be with his kids again
Wound: remorse for not being there for his kids
Mission/Agenda: to find his kids and be their protector and companion
Secret: His failure as a father
What makes them special?
He’s a dog who has human memories, but can’t communicate as a human.
Mayla Sterling (antagonist)
Role in story: Predator, Abusive wife of David, and mother of two kids, was neglectful of her two kids when her husband was alive, and abusive to them after he dies. Doesn’t want to be a mom anymore.
Age range and Description: late 20’s, beautiful model-like
Internal Journey: no change
External Journey: Gets more abusive to her kids after her husband dies, neglecting them more and more, going out and bringing home strange men
Motivation:wants to punish her kids for being a burden and resents David for leaving
Wound: lost her husband, always felt abandoned ever since she was a kid.
Mission/Agenda: to have her freedom back, no matter what
Secret: she abuses her kids
What makes them special? No one at her church thinks she abuses her kids. Wise con artist.
Supporting Characters:
Kai Sterling
age 10, Older brother of Dana, and son of Mayla and David.
Dana Sterling
Age 6, younger sister of Kai and daughter of David and Mayla.
Minor Roles:
Shelter owner
Veterinarian
Mom, dad, and daughter (5), who adopt David as a dog
Spirit Guide(s) who tell David he can’t go back to see his kids, unless he returns as a dog
Judge, who emancipates Kai and makes him the guardian of Dana
Puppy that Kai and Dana almost adopt
Background roles
People who mistreat David on the streets
People at the animal shelter
People at the park, playing with their dogs
Genre: Drama
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I love this concept. I want to see it.
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Lisa Finished word smithing!
What I learned doing this assignment is that you catch new mistakes you didn’t see before when you read it out loud.
I was able to make some more edits and it took some time to do all these steps, but it feels great to know that this Pilot is complete!
I had the word “walks” in there so many times, so it made a big difference to go through and change it to other words and made my script have the tone I desired more and made my characters personalities show a little more.
If you want to swap you can email me at Lisa.molenda@gmail.com