Liz Janzen
Forum Replies Created
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Hi Cheryl,
I am electing to do this class privately.
Thanks
Liz Janzen
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Liz Janzen’s Marketable Components
Current log line for SAFE CONDUCT:
A U.S. Special Forces operative pursues the love of an American medical doctor after meeting her briefly during the war in El Salvador and finally convinces her she needs him.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I realized I have a Timely marketable component. Also, I ‘m now looking at the script in terms of ‘firsts.’ But the two bankable components I’m choosing for this assignment are 1) timely, and 2) a great role for a bankable actor.
Timely: because of Russia’s current invasion of Ukraine.
While SAFE CONDUCT begins during the war in El Salvador in 1981, it soon moves to 1986 and Russia’s war with Afghanistan. Russia’s unprovoked 1979 invasion of Afghanistan led to an eight-year war which Russia lost at great cost to itself. Its current aggression towards Ukraine harks back to the Russian-Afghanistan conflict.
Bankable actor roles:
Steve Barnes: Main character. Principled/ brave/resourceful/excels at his job/perseveres/has a soft spot for women in distress. Knows unequivocally that he’s found his soul mate when he meets Nina.
Nina Banks: Co-star. Cut from the same cloth as Steve when it comes to bravery and principles but harbours a dark secret from her time in El Salvador; resists Steve’s pursuit of her because she is afraid to let love into her life.
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Liz Janzen Project and Market
Genre: Drama
Title: Safe Conduct
Concept: When a U.S. Special Forces operative briefly encounters an American medical doctor during the civil war in El Salvador in 1981 he is convinced he has found his soul mate. But after she returns stateside he is unable to locate her until, four years later, he finds her on the eve of his deployment to another war zone.
Most attractive thing about the story: It’s a perfect date movie. Women will fall in love with the main character; men will want to be him.
First target: I’m torn between wanting to pursue a manager with this script because I think it could open the door to developing a long-term relationship, or approaching actors’ production companies with it, knowing there are two strong roles in both the male and female lead characters.
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Hi! I’m Liz Janzen. I live in Manitoba, Canada.
I’ve written 7 screenplays. I’m profoundly bad at pitching and if I can develop any skills at all in this area through this class I will be thrilled.
My professional background has been an odd combination of film and broadcasting. More recently I’ve had the opportunity to write scripts for four true crime docudrama series.
Unusual thing: I attended the same high school as Joni Mitchell did in her youth in Saskatoon, SK.
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I, Liz Janzen, agree to the terms of this Release Form.
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Liz Janzen’s Life Threatening Sequence in The Maze
The Villain’s plan and how it puts the Hero in danger: The Villain’s plan is revenge on the Hero’s husband which includes kidnapping and killing her.
1. Someone is taking surveillance photos of Laura on the day her husband leaves town.
2. Her husband Richard completely blindsides her when she receives a ‘Dear Jane’ letter from him telling her he has left the marriage.
3. Someone sabotages her market garden by cutting off the water to the sprinkler system during a heat wave.
4. Laura hires an ex-con asking for work (Steve) to help with her garden, against the advice of her best friend Sylvie.
5. Sylvie discovers – just as she is about to board a plane to Australia – that Steve is not who he says he is and tries to warn Laura by email and voicemail to get rid of him.
6. Steve intercepts Sylvie’s warnings so that Laura never sees them.
7. Steve begins staying on Laura’s property after she offers him the use of her guest house.
8. A warning message from Sylvie slips past Steve and gets to Laura. She calls 911 before Steve can stop her.
10. Police arrive at the door. Steve tells her if she sends them away he will tell her the truth about who he is and about Richard’s past. She is forced to make the decision whether to trust Steve or let the cops in and have Steve arrested.
11. She decides to gamble on Steve’s promise to level with her.
12. Steve learns from contacts in Europe that the tables have been turned on Richard and that Kornikov has him. Steve feels compelled to go and rescue him. He teaches Laura how to use his gun.
13. A minion of Kornikov’s arrives at night. Steve kills him and learns from the dead man’s cell phone that Laura is a kidnap target.
14. Steve buries the body in the garden without Laura ever learning about the man’s arrival.
15. Steve leaves to rescue Richard, believing he has thwarted the danger to Laura.
16. Laura finds a bullet casing in the grass that does not match Steve’s gun.
17. Laura realizes that she alone must save herself if someone comes for her.
18. Kornikov himself arrives but she is prepared and kills him with Steve’s gun in the maze on her property.
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What I learned with this assignment – or what I realized – is that the Hero is not immediately engaged in solving the first mystery, but by proximity becomes the character in the movie most affected by the first mystery and is the one who has to confront it head on at the end.
What is the big secret the Villain is covering up?
– Revenge on the people who put him behind bars: the Judge who sentenced him and Richard Slater who he blames for getting caught in the first place.
How is the Villain covering up his plan?
– With stealth
Main Mystery 1: Who killed the Latvian judge?
Main Mystery 2: Where has Laura’s husband Richard gone and why?
Main Mystery 3: Why does Steve Garrett deceive Laura about who he is?
Main Mystery 4: Will Laura survive once she is left to defend herself?
Mystery Chain for Mystery 1:
– A Latvian judge has his throat slit by an unknown assailant
– Richard learns about it from a contact in Europe and also learns that Russian mob boss Vasily Kornikov has recently been released from prison
– Richard believes himself to be Kornikov’s next target
Mystery Chain for Mystery 2:
– Richard fears Laura could become collateral damage if Kornikov is not prevented from finding them in Canada
– Richard leaves Laura, deceiving her by telling her he has left her for another woman in order to buy time alone to try to deal with Kornikov
Mystery Chain for Mystery 3:
– If Steve had simply showed up at Laura’s house and told her everything about Richard’s criminal past and his present predicament with Kornikov she would have either simply not believed him or else called the authorities/law enforcement and reported everything he told her to them (which would endanger Richard.)
– Steve takes advantage of Laura’s goodwill to insinuate himself into her life and gain her trust before he reveals who he is (Richard’s best friend) and why (he’s there to protect her).
– Because of his duplicity and certain tactics he uses that make us fear for Laura, Steve is a Red Herring until we learn his real identity and motives.
Mystery Chain for Mystery 4:
– Steve is duty-bound to go to Russia to rescue Richard who has been caught by Kornikov.
– Steve has just killed a member of Kornikov’s gang on Laura’s property (but doesn’t tell her) and by doing so he hopes/believes he has thwarted Kornikov’s attempt to kidnap her and then kill her in front of Richard (which he learns about from the gang member’s cell phone).
– He teaches Laura how to use his gun and leaves it with her before he departs for Russia.
– When Laura finds a bullet casing on the lawn near the house after Steve leaves, she realizes he didn’t tell her how close danger already is. She realizes she must take her own measures to protect herself and invents her own ingenious plan before the next killer arrives.
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Liz Janzen’s Villain Has a Great Plan
What I learned from this exercise is that I needed to change the existing ending – which was Laura combating one of the Villain’s deputies – to having her face off with the Villain himself.
The Villain’s end goal: To exact merciless revenge on Richard Slater whom he blames for the prison sentence he has just served.
How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way: By sending a member of his gang to arrive covertly at the Slaters’ home, kidnap Laura and bring her to Russia where he will kill her in front of her husband.
Secrets covered: Vasily Kornikov, the head of a Russian mafia gang, has been released from a Latvian prison after serving a ten-year sentence for attempting to smuggle stolen European luxury cars into the port of Riga.
Kornikov blames Richard Slater, the black marketeer he had contracted to assist with the job, for the caper having failed. Now, a decade later, Richard has learned through an old black market connection that Kornikov is out of jail and looking to get revenge on him.
Sequence of events:
Kornikov learns Richard is in Europe and coming for him as a pre-emptive move before Kornikov can come for him in Canada, which would put Laura’s life in jeopardy.
Kornikov turns the tables on Richard, employing his resources to find and capture him.
Kornikov sends one of his deputies to Canada to kidnap Laura and bring her to Russia.
Kornikov realizes the kidnapping plan has failed after contact with the deputy goes cold.
Kornikov makes the journey to Canada to get Laura himself.
Alone at the house when he arrives, Laura must save herself in a final showdown that pits her against the Villain himself.
Fyi as in Basic Instinct, much of the MIS in The
Maze derives from a Red Herring – Laura’s protector Steve. He is the one
whose covert actions, lies and deception impact Laura non-stop. None of that
however would have been set in motion if it weren’t for the Villain’s revenge plan. -
Liz Janzen – SOTL Stacking Suspense
Charting the MIS and Action for Silence of the Lambs reveals two Villains in the film – Buffalo Bill and Hannibal Lecter – plus a third devious person in Chilton, the arrogant prison doctor who undermines the FBI’s case.
In some scenes I found it difficult to decide whether what was happening belonged in the ‘Mystery’ box or the ‘ Suspense’ box. The ‘Intrigue’ items were easier to identify if I stuck to the quantifiers of ‘deception, underhandedness, concealed or crafty’ (that’s how I came to include Chilton as a bad actor.) I would count the discovery of the body found in the river – which didn’t quite match the ‘style’ the killer had used on previous victims – as Intrigue as well as a Mystery. I thought this was going to be a red herring (is there a second killer/copycat killer on the loose?) until the cocoon was found in the throat which then gave finding this body meaning and mystery.
Great suspense is generated towards the end of the film by the short scenes inter-cutting quickly between the police about to break into the wrong house and Buffalo Bill going about his business in his house until Clarice interrupts him by ringing his doorbell (nice ‘confusion’ occurring when the police ring the door bell at the same time at the wrong house.) The tension continues to ramp up in the next scenes which are the film’s most suspenseful: Clarice in the house with the Buffalo Bill, culminating in the darkness she is thrown into while he has the advantage of night vision goggles and pitting the Hero against her #1 Antagonist in a life and death showdown.
One thing I appreciated about the MIS in this film was the pursuit of clues by the tenacious and resourceful Hero: Clarice tracks down a friend of previous victim Fredericka Bimmel, learns Bimmel’s address, visits the house and gets the inspiration/realization that Buffalo Bill has tailoring skills because of what she sees there. Finding the polaroids of Fredericka concealed in her jewelry box reveals another part of Buffalo Bill’s M.O. to her: he is victimizing full-figured women and starving them in order to obtain more flesh.
Once the final clues fall into place the action ramps up, resulting in an increasingly greater ‘race to the finish’ and suspense for the audience.
A minor mystery for me off the top in the film is Crawford selecting Clarice for the job of trying to ferret out information from Lecter. Is it bad judgment on his part to give the job to such an inexperienced recruit? Or does he dislike her for some reason and is setting her up to fail? Or does he really believe that if anyone can budge Lecter it’s her and he himself is gambling on her being the perfect agent for the job. The answer becomes clear soon enough but I liked this ambiguity off the top.
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Liz Janzen : Basic Instinct Stacking Suspense
What I learned through this exercise is that you can reveal important information related to the main mystery and intrigue quite late in the script without seeding it at the beginning.
I’m thinking of the late reveal that Lieutenant Nilsen was in possession of the campus report on Lisa Hoberman for a whole year before the start of the story (begging the question did he already suspect Beth and was he running his own investigation of her?)
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Concept: A woman living alone on her rural property after her husband leaves her is unaware she is about to become a victim of his illicit past.
Big Mystery: Should Laura Slater trust the stranger (Steve Garrett) who reveals her husband’s secret criminal history to her and claims that he has been sent to protect her?
Big Intrigue: A Russian mafia boss is out to get revenge on Richard Slater and wants to kidnap and kill Laura as part of it.
Big suspense: Will Laura escape the Russian’s attempt to kidnap her?
WORLD
There are two worlds in this story and the intrigue arises when they collide. One is set in 2010 on a rural acreage in Canada which is home to a successful market garden entrepreneur. The second is set in the black market and Russian organized crime world after the collapse of the Soviet empire in the early 90s.
LEAD CHARACTERS
HERO: Laura Slater
Mystery: Why is her husband’s past putting Laura in danger?
Intrigue: Can she trust Steve – the stranger she has let into her life – even after she learns he is not who he pretended to be?
Suspense: Will she fall victim to Richard’s past and be killed?
RED HERRING: Steve Garrett
Mystery: He appears out of nowhere and gains Laura’s trust by deceiving her. Who is he really and what does he want?
Intrigue: He intercepts Laura’s emails and phone calls, has photos of her, and a sat phone and a gun in his possession. After he gains access to her life his demeanour changes from the down and out ex-con she hired to help her with her business into an assertive, in-control strategist with international criminal experience.
Suspense: Will he be able to fend off the threat about to arrive at Laura’s door?
VILLAIN: Vasily Kornikov
Mystery: Why is Laura in danger from this man?
Intrigue: A Russian mobster who controls his own gang, Kornikov landed in a Latvian jail in the mid-90s after an import deal in the Baltic port of Riga went awry. He blamed Richard Slater, whom he had contracted for it. Now out of prison, Kornikov is out for revenge and killing Laura in front of her husband is part of it.
Suspense: When will the Russian mafia arrive at Laura’s house and what will happen when they do?
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What I learned doing this assignment: I need to introduce some spectre/hint of the Villain earlier than is currently in the script, using it to create some additional early intrigue.
Logline for ‘The Maze’: A woman learns she is about to become the collateral damage of her husband’s secret criminal past – a past she knew nothing about.
Thriller conventions in The Maze:
Unwitting but resourceful Hero: Laura Slater, an entrepreneur with a successful market garden business on the rural acreage where she lives with her husband Richard, a successful high-end insurance investigator.
Dangerous Villain: A Russian mobster who believes he was double-crossed by Richard more than a decade earlier during the days of freewheeling black-market capitalism following the collapse of the Soviet empire in the early 90s.
High Stakes: A just-released con insinuates himself into Laura’s life, playing on her good will and naivete when he comes looking for odd job work after her husband leaves her. To her shock she eventually learns Steve Garrett is actually her husband’s best friend, sent by Richard to protect her from danger while he’s in Europe trying to pre-empt the threat of the Russian mobster who is coming for them.
Life and Death situations: The Russian sends a minion to kidnap Laura but he is killed by Steve. Richard gets into trouble in Europe and Steve, believing that Laura is now safe, leaves to rescue him. Soon after Steve leaves, the Russian mobster himself arrives at the house and Laura must defend herself alone.
The story is thrilling because of Steve’s initial duplicity and our uncertainty as to whether Laura should trust him at all; Richard’s duplicity (he has Laura believing he left her for another woman so that she won’t initiate a search for him); the revelation of Richard’s illicit past which he had kept hidden from Laura; Laura’s naivete which makes her too trusting; her growing reliance on her own intuition; the physical threats posed by the Russians who arrive at the house.
Big Mystery: Should Laura Slater trust the stranger who reveals her husband’s secret criminal history to her and claims he is tasked with protecting her from the imminent danger arising from it?
Big Intrigue: A Russian mobster blames Richard Slater for the prison sentence he served in a Latvian jail and is now out for revenge.
Big Suspense: Will Laura evade the mobster’s attempt to kidnap and kill her?
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What I learned doing this assignment is that the hero can be an ordinary person (as opposed to someone with special or extraordinary skills) as long as they are persistent and resourceful enough to get to the bottom of the mystery.
For this assignment I watched ‘The Girl in the Spider’s Web’ (which turned out to be the origin story for Swedish hacker Lisbeth Salander), and the Lawrence Kasdan film ‘Body Heat’ starring Kathleen Turner and William Hurt. But in the end I chose an old favourite of mine as the best fit for this assignment: ‘Frantic’ starring Harrison Ford.
Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Dr. Richard Walker, San Francisco surgeon in Paris with his wife Sondra to present at a medical conference.
Dangerous Villain: A Middle-Eastern terrorist who hired a young Parisian woman – Michelle – to bring a nuclear detonator device from the US to Paris, hidden in a Statue of Liberty souvenir in her luggage. She thinks she’s muling drugs for him.
High Stakes: Sondra’s life is at stake; Walker is obliged to find her himself after the Paris police and US Embassy prove virtually useless; Michelle’s life is in danger; Walker under the threat of a deadly foe; the threat to the world posed by the device falling into the hands of a terrorist.
Life and Death Situations: Walker discovers the first lead on the trail to finding Sondra has had his throat slit, causing him to realize he’s up against a ruthless foe; he narrowly escapes falling from the steep roof of a six-storey apartment building; he gets beaten up by two Israeli agents interrogating Michelle in her apartment; Walker, Sondra and Michelle are all caught in a final shootout between the terrorist’s men, the two Israeli agents and Paris police on the bank of the Seine as Sondra is being exchanged for the device. Michelle is shot by the terrorist and dies.
This movie is thrilling because we sympathize every step of the way with the fish-out-of-water situation Walker is in – a foreign city in which he has to solve the mystery of his wife’s disappearance virtually alone.
The Big Mystery: Who kidnapped Dr. Richard Walker’s wife Sondra from their Paris hotel and why?
Big Intrigue: Due to a luggage mix-up at the airport, a terrorist expecting to take delivery of a nuclear detonator device believes Sondra is in possession of it and kidnaps her, holding her hostage until he gets it.
Big Suspense: Will Walker be able to get his hands on the device and trade it for Sondra?
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I Liz Janzen agree to the terms of the release form.
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Hello everyone. I’m Liz Janzen. This will be my fifth course with ScreenwritingU.
I have seven completed scripts, including two which I want to elevate from suspensers to actual thrillers by participating in this program. So rather than starting with a new idea I’ll be reworking one of my existing stories.
Something unique about me… I worked in broadcasting for a number of years but my passion has always been film.
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Liz Janzen’s Connection with Audience
What I learned doing this assignment:
There are four characters who establish a connection with the audience within the first half hour: Sally Moss (the protagonist); Herman Abrams (change agent); Louise Abrams; Charlie (who Sally encounters before she meets the Abrams).
SALLY
Relatability: She’s 14 – we’ve all been that age – and a beloved only child. She’s also a young person in a vulnerable situation.
Intrigue: The immediate intrigue is: what will happen to her after the house fire leaves her alone in the world and the family down the road, although they take her in for a night, can’t afford to keep her (it’s the Depression). This triggers her decision to find her aunt and the subsequent intrigue of: what will happen to her on the road alone as she sets out on foot for San Francisco. This is followed by the intrigue of: what’s in store for her once she is taken up by the Abrams, followed by what’s in store for her now that she has become the star of a successful film series?
Empathy: Empathy for Sally is generated by a heart-rending opening, followed by callousness towards her when she’s hungry, followed by more callousness from the desk clerk at the hotel where the Abrams are checking in on their holiday. When Louise intervenes and ‘hires’ Sally as her maid for the week and buys her dinner, Sally is overwhelmed with gratitude for Louise’s kindness and generosity and so are we.
Likeability: Sally is an obliging, plucky girl whom we are thrilled to see rescued from her dire circumstances.
HERMAN ABRAMS
Relatability: Herman is a business man suddenly beset with a business and legal problem – he needs to break contract of the current ‘Belle’ actress because she’s no longer right for the role, which means dealing with her difficult stage mother. Herman’s problems occur concomitantly with Sally’s in the opening pages. His almost comic situation and behavior are a counterweight to Sally’s dire straits at the beginning of the movie.
Intrigue: First intrigue: what will be the outcome of Sally’s screen test – has he found the next Belle, as he hopes? Next intrigue: will Herman be able to fire Edna Flount, the current ‘Belle’ actress, and replace her in the face of Edna Flount Sr’s rage at her daughter’s being dismissed from the role?
Empathy: 1) Edna Sr. is a nightmare and Herman dreads dealing with her (so do we). 2) After meeting Sally, Herman hires a private detective to locate Sally’s aunt in San Francisco and arranges for gravestones for her parents at his own expense. We warm to his humanity and generosity.
Likeability: He’s lovable and comic (without intending to be) in whatever frustration he is experiencing and relies on the calming abilities of his wife Louise to keep him on track. We also appreciate his business acumen.
LOUISE ABRAMS
Relatability: She’s her husband’s right arm. She’s loyal and intuitive and understands what drives Herman. She’s relatable to the audience as Herman’s ideal helpmate.
Intrigue: Like Herman, she’s hoping the gamble on Sally will pay off as the new Belle.
Empathy: Louise herself is empathy writ large, and consequently we feel whatever she feels.
Likeability: In the same comic vein of Herman’s problems at the beginning, Louise establishes herself with the audience as the voice of reason in the face of hysteria. We also love her for being savvy about the film business. She functions like a producer in many ways.
CHARLIE
Relatability: He’s kind to someone in need. A decent kid stuck in a menial job.
Intrigue: Will we ever see him again after Sally heads off on the rest of her journey? Then, at the half hour point, he happens to meet her again…. will anything develop between them?
Empathy: He’s governed by a tough as nails mother.
Likeability: He secretly defies his mother and gives food to Sally. He’s unsentimental and a realist when he tells Sally just how far she still has to go to get to San Francisco.
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Liz Janzen’s transformational structure…
What I learned doing this exercise is that this script is still very much a work in progress. I am grateful for how much impetus these exercises have given it after being stalled for some time.
The Emotional Gradient is Desired Change.
MM #1: 14-year-old Sally Moss loses her home and family in a fire and sets out on foot to find her aunt in San Francisco. Along the way she encounters a young man – Charlie – at a roadside diner who is kind to her. The same day she is taken up by Hollywood producer Herman Abrams and his wife Louise.
Challenge: her life is suddenly turned upside down. Weakness: vulnerability
Emotional gradient: loss; uncertainty; excitement
Turning point: setting out for a new life with Frances and the Abrams.
MM #2: Becomes the successful young star of the ‘Belle’ serial. Her life is managed by Aunt Frances and the studio (the Abrams). Re-encounters Charlie who is now bussing tables at the studio commissary.
Challenge: a career on the rise, Weakness: naivete; thinks she’s in control of her life.
Turning point: Sally is told she can’t continue to go out with Charlie after the tabloids spot them together.
MM #3: The Belle series comes to an end. Frances marries. Sally, now 18, is given a more mature role and works with a new director and an objectionable male co-star while Frances is away on her honeymoon. She tells Louise about the co-star’s behaviour but Herman declines to intervene – everyone needs the bankable male star to finish the picture.
Challenge: working with new people (without Herman’s protection/control). Weakness: inexperience with men; Herman’s failure to support her.
Turning point: Disillusion re the protective bubble she has been in.
MM #4: Sally makes it through the film, finding her own way of dealing with the co-star. When Charlie leaves LA to fight in the Spanish Civil War Sally is unaware he wanted her to see him off and he leaves thinking she doesn’t care for him. She doesn’t know it yet but Frances deliberately kept her from learning Charlie was leaving. She is offered a role in a film in England and goes there alone.
Challenge: encountering adult problems; Weakness: she is still impacted by the decisions of others.
Turning point: Leaves for England.
MM #5: Shoots the film in England without any of her old supports around her. WW 2 breaks out. She meets a wealthy young heir to an estate who is an officer in the Armed Forces. They fall in love.
Challenge: the war. Weakness: uncertain future for everyone.
Turning point: Romance
MM #6: After a whirlwind romance, Sally and the officer marry secretly. The UK press discovers it and jumps on the story. Overnight it breaks in America. Frances is disappointed Sally married without telling her. Frances confesses she was the one who kept the news of Charlie’s departure from her 3 years earlier, shocking Sally.
Challenge: learning of Frances’s betrayal. Weakness: deep disappointment in Frances, her trusted friend; the struggle to forgive her.
Turning point: Marriage
MM #7: Sally’s husband is sent to the Continent on a dangerous mission. Sally embarks on another British film. Her husband is declared missing in action. Frances and Sally reconcile.
Challenge: anxiety over missing status of her husband; Weakness: feels once again like she has no control over her affairs; helplessness.
Turning point: Husband missing
MM #8: Sally gets a telephone call from the War Ministry advising her the situation looks grim regarding hope for her husband. Sally reads between the lines: he won’t be coming back. A motorcycle driver arrives at Sally’s door with the telegram confirming his death. The messenger turns out to be none other than Charlie, who had no idea who he was delivering the message to.
New way: Sally and Charlie can pursue a future together.
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Liz Janzen’s three gradients…
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’ve been unable to connect the main character’s ‘Weaknesses” to the “Old Ways”. As a result I think the Weaknesses listed below are mostly emotions, rather than character traits or habits.
I’ve changed the logline slightly.
Transformational logline:
After her rural home burns to the ground, an orphaned teen’s life is changed overnight when a kindly producer in 1930s Hollywood molds her into a star, until she realizes she must take control of her own destiny.
Using the Desired Change gradient…
Emotional gradient: Sadness
Action gradient: Sally’s house burns down and she is orphaned; she learns her nearest relative is 50 miles away.
Challenge: She is alone in the world; no one to help her.
Weakness: She’s very young, with no resources
Emotional gradient: Surprise
Action gradient: Meets a young man – Charlie – on her way to find her aunt. Is taken up en route by producer Herman Abrams and his wife Louise, and with her Aunt Frances goes to Hollywood with them.
Challenge: Herman and Louise and Frances are suddenly governing her life.
Weakness: Doesn’t question anything or anyone.
Emotional gradient: Happiness
Action gradient: Becomes hugely successful young star of ‘Belle’ franchise. Lives happily with Aunt Frances. Encounters Charlie at the studio one day and is glad to see him again.
Challenge: Will eventually age out of Belle role.
Weakness: Thinks she is in control of her life.
Emotional gradient: Discouragement
Action gradient: Caught together by the tabloids, Sally is told by Frances (who was told by Louise) that the studio doesn’t want her to see Charlie anymore. He tells Sally he is planning to go off to Spain to fight the Fascists in the civil war there.
Challenge: Learns she can’t see Charlie anymore.
Weakness: Confronted with the fact she doesn’t ‘own’ decisions about her life.
Emotional gradient: Courage
Action gradient: The Belle series ends and Sally is given a more mature role. Frances gets married and leaves on her honeymoon just as the new film starts. She asks Louise to watch over Sally while she’s gone. Sally has to deal with unwanted attention from her male co-star. To make matters worse the tabloids try to make ‘a thing’ of the two.
Challenge: Unwilling to confide in Louise, Sally tries to find her own way to deal with the co-star.
Weakness: Is inexperienced with men.
Emotional gradient: Discouragement
Action gradient: Charlie calls the house and tells Frances he is leaving for Spain and wants Sally to see him off at the train station. Frances does not pass on the message – she doesn’t want to risk Sally becoming serious about Charlie and interrupting her career. He leaves for Europe believing Sally doesn’t care about him anymore. Sally finds out what Frances did.
Challenge: Learning that Frances interfered.
Weakness: Feels alone and betrayed. Feels she can’t trust anyone anymore.
Emotional gradient: Courage
Action gradient: WW 2 breaks out. Sally gets a role in a film to be shot in England with another studio, i.e. Herman not producing. She meets an English officer and after a whirlwind courtship, marries him without telling anyone at home in the U.S.
Challenge: Goes to UK alone – without any benefactors/friends – taking big life steps on her own.
Weakness: decides she will rely solely on her own judgment
Emotional gradient: Shock
Action gradient: Her husband is killed in Europe. The one who delivers the telegram to her is none other than Charlie, who had joined up with the British as soon as the War began. Charlie is unaware of who he is delivering the bad news to until he gets to her home.
Challenge: Suddenly widowed
Weakness: Alone again; heartbroken
Emotional gradient: Triumph
Action gradient: Charlie and Sally realize they were destined to be together.
Challenge: Charlie is still fighting in the War – his future is uncertain.
Weakness: Sally needs to find a way to accept the possibility she could lose him.
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Liz Janzen’s lead characters…
What I learned doing this assignment is that there is a benign character in my script who I could turn into a Betraying Character.
Transformational journey logline:
An orphaned teen’s life is changed overnight when a kindly producer in 1930s Hollywood molds her into a star, until she realizes she must step outside the wishes of her benefactors in order to achieve her own destiny.
Agent of Change:
Charlie is a young man three years older than Sally and working in a small town diner alongside his waitress mother when he meets Sally briefly just before she encounters the producer who will change her life. Later Charlie runs into Sally in Hollywood after she has become a big star. They go out once or twice but the studio puts an end to it after the tabloids turn it into an undesirable sensation.
Charlie is the one who encourages Sally to think for herself instead of continuing to follow other people’s directives for her. Young as he is, Charlie is very much his own man and is inspired to leave America to fight with the Republicans in the Spanish Civil War.
Fate will reunite Charlie and Sally further down the road when all of Europe is at war.
Transformable Character:
After her rural family home burns down and she is orphaned, fourteen-year-old Sally Moss sets out to find her aunt in San Francisco. En route, she is ‘discovered’ by a kindly producer and his wife who are looking to replace the teen star who has aged out of the role of ‘Belle,’ a successful Hollywood serial. Sally becomes the new Belle and is soon a huge success, her career managed by her Aunt Frances and her producer. But after the studio puts a halt to her friendship with Charlie, Sally begins to question how much power her circle of benevolent protectors should have over her.
The Oppression:
While it created a life for her beyond her imagining, Sally will eventually feel oppressed by the Hollywood machine and its strictures regarding stars’ personal lives.
The Betraying Character:
Sally’s Aunt Frances, her legal guardian, accompanies her to Hollywood when she is discovered. They are best friends, until Frances disrupts Charlie’s and Sally’s friendship by not telling Sally that Charlie wants her to see him off when his ship sails for Spain. Charlie therefore leaves America believing Sally doesn’t care for him anymore. Frances will keep the secret of what she did for years until she finally confesses it to Sally.
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<div>Liz Janzen’s transformational journey…</div><div>
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What I learned doing this assignment is to write a logline that reveals more about the movie (and is hopefully more enticing) than my existing logline for it. Also, the script has been stuck at the midpoint for several months and through concentrating on the transformational journey I think I can see where to take it now to complete it.
Logline for the transformational journey:
A young teen catapulted to overnight fame in 1930s Hollywood grows up to realize she must step outside the protective circle around her in order to take control of her own destiny.
[My previous logline: When the family house burns down on a hard-scrabble farm in 1930s rural California, fourteen
year old Sally Moss is the only survivor. But the winds of fate soon blow her to Tinsel Town
where she becomes a star overnight.]btw this movie has a substantial comedy element and spans a decade in Sally’s life.
Old ways:
Naive due to young age and isolated rural background
Is a blank slate that can be molded by others
Has limited real-life experience due to the movie studio’s control
Is influenced by her guardian aunt and the producers who made her a star
Doesn’t question others’ decisions for her
New ways:
Begins to chafe at the studio’s trying to regulate her personal life
Craves real life experience outside her bubble
Wants to explore love and romance as she matures
Becomes willing to risk disappointing the well-meaning people of authority in her life
Becomes confident in her own decisions
Makes mistakes based on her judgment
Accepts she has made mistakes
Finds love
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Liz Janzen’s answers to the 3 questions:
What I learned doing this assignment is that I want to refocus my script, which is currently at the mid-point, so that it changes from a story that is merely entertaining into something profound (without losing the entertaining aspects) by re-thinking the main character’s journey so that it leaves the audience with something to take away.
Answers to the 3 questions….
1) The profound truth: As we grow into adulthood we must begin to take responsibility for our own lives.
2) The change the movie will cause with the audience: the realization that in spite of others’ influences, ideas and wishes for us we must step into our own future – the one that is right for us.
3) The Entertainment Vehicle: A combination of Media (film) and Business? – it’s set in Hollywood in the 1930s but is not based on true events.
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Analysis of Groundhog Day by Liz Janzen
Transformational Journey: Going from being a narcissist to a considerate human being, finding love along the way, and changing from a glass half empty to a glass half full outlook on life.
Change Agent: Rita, Phil’s producer. Right character because 1) Phil is already in love with her and 2) because she doesn’t reject Phil during his journey in spite of his behavior.
Transformable Character: Phil, the unhappy prima donna weatherman. Right person for the transformational journey because he is unhappy but also unaware he needs to change his outlook on life, i.e. lack of self-awareness.
The Oppression: the time warp Phil is caught in that makes him repeat Feb. 2 for a week.
How we are lured into the profound journey/ what causes us to connect with this story: We can relate to Phil’s frustration with a situation beyond his control; anticipation of when/how the repetition of Feb. 2 will stop; wanting Phil to begin seeing the error of his ways and waiting for that to happen; Rita’s ability to handle Phil the way she does; the prospect of romance.
Old way of being: sarcastic, self-absorbed, arrogant prima donna who needs to be in control.
New way: Kind, considerate person who goes out of his way to help people AND who embraces what life has to offer him.
The steps in the Gradient Change: the two men Phil drinks with in the bowling alley relay their glass half empty/glass half full philosophy to Phil; he doesn’t let them drive themselves afterward (first instance of helping anyone); asks Rita for help the next day, admitting he’s troubled; discovers there are no consequences to his crazy actions and announces he’s ‘not going to live by their rules anymore’, i.e. he is starting to embrace the idea of change/shrugging off the shackles keeping him the way he is; accepts the fact (instead of being annoyed) at 6 am the next morning that it’s still Feb. 2, showing a degree of equanimity with his situation; tells Rita in the diner his new ‘no consequences’ theory (i.e. letting go of worrying about the future); tells Rita the town is beginning to grow on him (i.e. acceptance of his situation); wakes up happier the next day and reveals his attraction to Rita; asks her what she wants from life and tells Rita ‘what I really want is someone like you.’; WANTS to stay in town – rips the spark plugs out of the TV van; begins trying to reel Rita in and tells her “I think people place too much emphasis on their careers’; unsuccessful seduction attempt makes him grumpy again; gets angry and smashes the clock radio; reaches his nadir with a succession of suicide attempts which he survives, and then encourages Rita to think he’s a god ‘because I want you to believe in me.’; admits to Rita he’s a jerk; she disagrees, indicating to him she has warmed up to him; after the auction they wake up together and the spell is broken: it’s finally no longer Feb. 2; Phil is a completely changed man, asking “Is there anything I can do for you today?” and saying the town is ‘so beautiful.’
How the ‘old way’ is challenged: Phil is stuck in his job, stuck in his arrogant mindset and stuck in his own selfish world. When he becomes stuck in Feb. 2, a succession of events finally forces him to accept what life has to offer him (glass half full point of view), and when he embraces the changes he needs to make, he attains the love of his life.
Profound moments in the movie:
The glass half empty/glass half full talk in the bowling alley.
In the car, headed for the train on the tracks: “Sometimes I think you just have to take big chances.” “I’m not going to live by their rules anymore. You make choices and you live with them.”
Phil, trying to revive the old man on the street, realizes it isn’t going to work and he can’t pretend to be a god any longer – he isn’t the master controller of the day’s events after all.
Confessing his love to Rita: “What I wanted to say is I think you’re the kindest, sweetest, prettiest person I’ve ever met in my life. I’ve never seen anyone that’s nicer to people than you are… I don’t deserve someone like you.”
Phil’s Chekhovian speech on camera on his last day: ‘Winter is a step in life’ etc. and his talk about basking in the warmth of the town citizens’ hearths and hearts: “I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.”
Profound lines in the movie:
Phil: “No matter what happens for the rest of my life I’m happy now. I love you.”
Phil: “I’m a jerk. I’ve killed myself so many times I don’t even exist anymore.”
Rita: “I don’t know, Phil – maybe it’s not a curse. It just depends how you look at it.”
Phil to Rita: “What would you do if you were stuck in one place, and everything was the same and none of it mattered?”
Phil to Rita: “You think I’m acting like this because I’m egocentric?” Rita: “I know you’re egocentric. It’s your defining characteristic.”
How does the ending pay off the setups of this movie: Phil has become a changed man, with something other than his work and himself as the center of his universe.
What is the profound truth of this movie: You will see what life has to offer if you look outside yourself.
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I Liz Janzen agree to the terms of this release form.
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What makes this scene interesting…
It joins the 3 points of the triangle. Tess is ‘reunited’ with Danny for the first time since he got out of prison; Terry meets Danny for the first time.
There are conflicts between Danny and Tess (achieving the added bonus of this being a ‘worthy opponents’ scene, showing they are equally matched in the cleverness of their traded quips), and between Danny and Terry who both want the girl.
The stakes for Danny are emotional: he wants Tess back in his life and hasn’t been able to take off his wedding ring after their divorce. Terry immediately recognizes danger in Danny’s appearance – he’s a threat to Terry’s being able to retain Tess and there’s a sense that Terry is uncertain he will be able to because there’s a history between Tess and Danny he’ll never be able to scale.
This scene introduces a number of uncertainties and shows the characters living into their collective future: who will Tess choose – her old love who could make her laugh, or the businesslike Terry, who arrives late to dinner with an account ledger in hand. What will Terry do to make good on his warning to Danny when he says, “I don’t imagine we’ll be seeing Mr. Ocean any time soon, right? The ‘right’ at the end of the sentence shows he’s uncertain he can count on Tess to stick with him and not take Danny back.
Breakthrough…
Try to accomplish several things when setting up a triangle scene: reveal history/past character relationships; have them living into the future; create intrigue – hint at who’s going to win in the long run and at what cost; make sure to reveal the character traits that are essential to the scene.
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What makes the Coach character great in this scene…
Denzel Washington’s character (the Coach) first of all quickly thwarts the opposition presented by the three white coaches with a few deftly-worded lines that leave them at a loss for words and unable to argue with him.
Next he is confronted with opposition to his game plan by players Gary and Dean. Again, using deft (and fast) talk he gets ahead of them, taking control of the situation by expanding his audience to address everyone in earshot in the parking lot, thereby stepping up his humiliation of the two using the Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin analogy to make fools of them. By doing this he goes over the top (publicly humiliating sidekick Dean in addition to Gary) in order to obtain Gary’s total acquiescence to the situation (Gary will NOT be making player decisions, only the Coach will).
Insights:
1) The Coach is a silver-tongued genius who thinks fast on his feet, able to outfox his opponents by taking advantage of whatever comes to hand, i.e. seizing the opportunity to capitalize, on the spot, on Gary’s and Dean’s names with the Gary/Jerry bit.
2) The Coach can read personalities: somehow he discerned that the father/son dynamic would be the perfect metaphor to use in deflating Gary’s ego, turning him into a child.
3) The Coach uses nothing but wordplay to get his desired effect in this very physical world of football.
Breakthroughs:
1) Think about who is in the room with the characters in a power struggle scene to see how those other characters’ reactions might be used to augment the drama (or the comedy) in the scene.
2) Think of unexpected tactics that could be used by one (or both) of the characters in a power struggle that could surprise or delight an audience, e.g. a quiet, calm, measured take down when a more aggressive argument is anticipated.
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Insights re Greenbook…
The manner in which characters present themselves (physicality and diction) can communicate as much or more than their dialogue, and can also supply subtext.
Breakthrough…
Look for ways to present characters on the page that will speak to an audience other than just through dialogue.
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Insights….
1. A very tense scene with a little dark humor added: Doc’s mocking Ringo’s gun dexterity with his own dexterity with a cup = a potentially lethal taunt but at the same time a funny bit.
2. The surprise addition of erudition to the scene : both men know Latin.
Breakthrough: incorporate something unexpected or that upends the expected outcome in a scene where two opponents are facing off.
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Insights…
There are 2 triangles in this scene. The first one is Sam, his son Jonah and Dr. Marsha. It sets the future for the second triangle: Sam, Jonah and Annie. This scene is also an example of living into their future.
Second insight: there’s almost no dialogue employed in introducing Annie into the second triangle beside the one key line when both she and Sam react together (magically!) at the same time and in the same way to something Dr. Marsha says. The rest is conveyed by Annie’s visual reactions which indicate a growing interest in Sam and Jonah because of what she’s hearing.
Breakthrough for me: I have a scene in a script for which I need to reconsider how to convey attraction between two characters when one of the characters is resisting it.
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Insights about this scene…
– the fight is a game changer in their relationship. Things are spoken that have never emerged before
– the scene transforms from tranquil to nasty in a very short amount of time
– since neither of them wins this fight it creates the expectation of an aftermath in which there will be an attempt to resolve the impasse
– it reveals both of their backgrounds in a more dramatic way than a calm conversation would
– high drama + information/exposition make for a dynamic and memorable reveal
Breakthrough for me
I have a scene in a script very much like this one but with the roles reversed: the male lead gives the female lead exactly the same ultimatum: tell me you don’t love me and I’ll go. And she does send him away, because she’s afraid of opening up her life to him.
He feels compelled to save her from herself. He tries to save another female character later on as well although for very different reasons. The breakthrough is that I have been treating this propensity to rescue women as simply a trait of his but now I think I should invest him with – and reveal – a wound that has led to this trait.
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What I learned rewriting my character, who has a preternatural gift she is reluctant to use, is that she could be persuaded to go on her mission by another character who inadvertently supplies her with information that pushes her over the top into deciding she must use the gift. This will be more interesting than just having her come to the conclusion on her own that she must use it and will also amp up the dynamic between the two characters.
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1st viewing
Will’s traits:
Observant: sees right away Chuckie is walking into trouble
Loyal: sticks up for his friend – intervenes without being asked to
Highly intelligent: knows U.S. economic history PLUS historians’/economists’ perspectives
Confident: not intimidated by the Harvard swell who is trying to humiliate Chuckie
Brawn AND Brain: offers to take the fight outside
Prizes originality: laughs at the Harvard swell’s insult re ‘you’ll be serving my kids French fries down the road’
Chuckie’s traits
Self-deceived: believes he’s a charmer
Not very original in his approach to picking up women
More bravura than brains – takes a risky approach as an opening by posing as a former fellow student of Skylar’s
Naive to think he can pull off the caper
An outsider in this Harvard bar milieu
Doesn’t recognize when he’s in too deep
Skylar’s traits
Self-possessed: doesn’t react negatively to Chuckie’s ploy to pick her up; experienced with men’s approaches
Knows when to keep to herself: doesn’t defend Chuckie to the swell – just observes how it’s going to go.
Kind: she doesn’t blow off Chuckie by calling him on his lie.
Second viewing:
In fact Skylar does rebut the swell when he starts picking on Chuckie and tells him to go away. That didn’t register with me on the first viewing. Nor did her surprise at Will’s genius, a reaction I caught the second time around.
Insight: Chuckie rides Will’s coattails at the end of the scene, getting in the last word after Will has won is battle for him. Chuckie is happy to capitalize on Will’s genius.
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Liz Janzen here.
I’ve written half a dozen spec scripts.
I’ve sometimes been told my scripts ‘need more character development.’ I’m hoping to remedy that by taking this class.
Looking forward!
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Liz Janzen
I agree to the terms of this release form
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Elizabeth Janzen here. I would like to do the class privately. I will sign an agreement that says I will keep the strategies,
teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class
confidential. -
Spot on, Zachary! Yes. Laura is not only caught in a psychological maze, but she has an actual maze she built on her property which she ultimately lures the killer into to kill him.
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Thanks Vivien!
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Yes, thank you both to Claudia and JD!
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So many great insights here, Steven. I never gave the Walter Scott poem its due.
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Thanks Bob!