Lloyd Shellenberger
Forum Replies Created
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Working on the marketing using my pitches through IMDB and LinkedIn. Working hard to learn marketing wish me luck!
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Margaret,
Could I get some advice on how to get those script request please. Anything, please.
Respectfully Yours,
Lloyd Shellenberger
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Lloyd’s 4 pitches
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment was…how to write a pitch in four forms. This is a valuable skill since I do a lot of pitching to potential Executive Producers.
Title Benjain Greene
Genre Action Drama
1. Elevator pitch
I’ve written an episodic TV series called… Bejamin Greene – Similar to Blacklist and the Unit but it centers around the life of a Special Operations Soldier.
If that catches their attention, then…
It’s about…A Fort Bragg Special Operations Unit that is reassigned to a Top-Secret Pentagon Agency called the Puzzle Works whose mission is to make sure the nation’s secrets stay secret.
2. Phone pitch
Hi, I’m Lloyd Shellenberger and I’m wondering if I could run a quick pitch by you.
Covert Operations are happening every day around the world. What if an audience could get a front row seat to the inner working of a Pentagon spy agency from the comfort of their own home?
It’s an Action/Drama – The only retirement for Colonel Greene and his crew is Amendment.
The pitch goes like this…
Colonel Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin, turned special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon Agency called the Puzzle Works where the mission is to make sure the nation’s secrets stay secret.
3. Pitch Fest pitch
Hi, I’m an ex-psychological operations specialist who performed several tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. specialize in military themed movies and TV shows. This is inspired by true events.
Pitch: I’ve written a TV series that gives its viewers an inside glimpse of the spy game and the life of a Special Operations soldier. There are over 35 open loops and over a dozen mysteries embedded into the series to keep the viewer on the edge of their seats.
It’s a mid-budget pilot – $2.94 million to $4.38 million.
The action takes place around the world, wherever the military is needed. It starts in 2004 in Afghanistan.
After Colonel Benjamin Greene and his crew shut down a government run drug house in Afghanistan they return to Fort Bragg. They find the drug trade is closer than they think.
Four years later, they are recruited by the Puzzle Works to shut down a military-run drug ring On Fort Bragg. The rules are simple; No press; No witnesses; No loose ends.
4. Query Letter
Title Benjamin Greene 1 hour episodic
Genre: Action Drama
Colonel Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin turned special Operations Commander and his unit are re-assigned to a Top-Secret Pentagon Agency whose mission is to ensure the nation’s secrets stay secret.
In the opening teaser Greene and his crew shut down a remote drug house, terminating everyone. Four years later, the past comes back to haunt them as they are recruited into the Puzzle Works to finish the job they started years earlier in Afghanistan. The mission: Shut down a drug ring on Fort Bragg. The rules are simple, No press, no witnesses, and no loose ends.
Unfortunately, the ringleader is an old friend and trusted colleague. Greene and his crew have no choice but to terminate the operation with extreme prejudice or be “Amended” themselves.
The pilot ends with Greene successfully shutting down the operation only to find betrayal and murder around every corner. Colonel Greene is an anti-hero and killer with a heart. A perfect lead character for an A-Lister to play.
I can be reached at 747-210-1983 Cell or lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com. I have an IMDB Pro page for any inquiry.
Inquiry letter full form.
Benjamin Greene
Action-Drama 1-hour Episodic TV or Streaming Series.
Imagine if a Fort Bragg Army unit were reassigned to a Top-Secret Pentagon agency knowing there is no such thing as retirement only “Amendment”. How would they handle it?
Colonel Benjamin, a former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander, and his unit are suddenly plunged into the spy game where the only rules are kill or be killed.
The show’s teaser begins with Colonel Greene’s unit shutting down a government run drug house in Afghanistan. This first episode sets the tone for an action-packed series.
Four years later, Colonel Greene and his unit are brutally recruited into the Puzzle Works. Their first assignment is to shut down a military unit distributing drugs out of Fort Bragg.
Greene discovers the ringleader is an old friend and military colleague. Unfortunately, the rules are simple: no witnesses, no press, and no loose ends.
Over the next five seasons, the assignments become increasingly difficult. Is this a setup for failure? Who lives, who dies? There are over 35 open loops, and more than a dozen mysteries hidden in the story line designed to keep the audience guessing.
Can Colonel Greene and his crew find an exit strategy before The Puzzle Works “Amends” them?
Bio: Retired Sergeant First Class Lloyd Shellenberger is a former AFN reporter and Psychological Operations Specialist who covered the Iraq war. He has actual war time experience as a soldier.
If you are interested in reading this screenplay or the pitch bible, my contact number is 747-210-1983 or lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com. I have an IMDB Pro page.
Sincerely,
Lloyd Shellenberger
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This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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Lloyd’s 4 pitches
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is how to right pitches which I am using even more now.
1. Elevator pitch
I’ve written a movie called… Left Behind, Letters from Baghdad” – Similar to Covenant but it centers around saving the Interpreter’s widow from a terrorist hellbent on revenge.
If that catches their attention, then…
It’s about…An Iraqi interpreter who is murdered while working for the US Army in Baghdad, forcing his military unit to risk their lives and careers to protect the widow and her children from certain death.
2. Phone pitch
Hi, I’m Lloyd Shellenberger and I’m wondering if I could run a quick pitch by you.
At the height of the Iraq Afghanistan wars, over 100,00 locals and interpreters were left behind, persecuted, and murdered after the wars ended, many died waiting for asylum.
It’s an Action/Drama – The covenant with no happy ending for the interpreter.
The pitch goes like this…
After the murder of an Iraqi interpreter, SFC Miles Clark and his unit must risk their lives and careers to save a widow and her children from certain death at the hands of a vengeful terrorist.
3. Pitch Fest pitch
Hi, I’m an ex-AFN Journalist who covered the Iraq Afghanistan wars who specializes in military themed movies and TV shows. This is based upon true events.
Pitch: I’ve written a movie for the hundreds of thousands of local nationals who stepped up during the Iraq Afghanistan wars to help America. They were denied visas, hunted down, and branded traitors by their own countrymen, many of whom were murdered since then.
It’s a mid-budget movie – $10 million to $30 million.
The action takes place in the streets of Baghdad in 2004. It is based upon true events I covered as a journalist.
After the murder of Hammad, the Iraqi interpreter, SFC Clark must make a decision that will put him on a direct collision course with the State Department, his unit and Abu Rami. The stakes are high but selling his soul is not in Sergeant Clark’s future. The widow and her children must get the visas and they must leave Iraq at all costs.
4. Query Letter
Title Left Behind, Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Action Drama Inspired by true events
After the murder of an Iraqi Interpreter, SFC Miles Clark and his unit must risk their lives and careers to save the widow and her children from certain death at the hands of a vengeful terrorist.
SFC Clark’s initial attempts to secure asylum visas for the family fail, forcing Clark and his unit to risk their lives and careers in a plan to face off against Abu-Rami and his crew, in a winner takes all scenario.
The movie ends with SFC Clark taking the interpreter’s ashes atop the Baghdad convention center and releasing them to scatter toward the Haydar-Khana Mosque at the request of the widow. This scene is a metaphor for Clark releasing his past and moving forward. The interpreter’s widow suggests they will both find peace by doing this. The widow is given asylum.
I can be reached at 747-210-1983 Cell or lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com. I have an IMDB Pro page for any inquiry.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by
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What I learned from this assignment is how to use IMDB Pro and find contacts then get ready to market.
Lloyd’s Target Market
Currently compiling a list and acting on it for my TV and film projects.
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What I learned from this assignment is how to use IMDB Pro and find contacts then get ready to market.
Lloyd’s Target Market
Currently compiling a list and acting on it for my TV and film projects.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by
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Module 5 Lesson 9
Benjamin Greene: Lloyd’s Phone Pitch
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
“What I learned from this lesson is…how to keep things short, concise and to the point rather than talk myself out of a sale.
Hello,
I am a retired AFN broadcast journalist and Special Operations soldier who covered the Iraq and Afghanistan wars and I have actual war time experience. I am also an accredited executive producer as well. My videos and footage have appeared in several documentaries, including Operation Homecoming, nominated for an Academy award. The story you are about to hear is inspired by the life of a Special Operations soldier.
Colonel Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon Agency whose whole mission is make sure the nation’s secrets stay secret. In addition, retirement from the Puzzle Works is not an option, you are “Amended”.
The budget is between 2.94 and 4.38 million. I see John Hamm, Bradley Cooper as the protagonist.
This is currently with Joe Mehri, a prolific filmmaker in his own right.
Your company has produced great movies and TV with a kind of quality and production value I admire.
The teaser begins with Colonel Greene and his crew shutting down a government sponsored drug house. This sets the tone for an action-packed series. 4 years later, Greene and his crew are assigned the task of shutting down a military drug operation on Fort Bragg. The pilot ends with Colonel Greene and his crew successfully completing the mission but they face internal and external betrayals. There are over 35 open loops and more than a dozen mysteries to keep the audience guessing. Can Greene and his unit escape the clutches of the Puzzle Works, or will they be Amended?
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This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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WIM Module 10 lesson 8 Become a star at a pitch fest.
Lloyd’s Pitch Fest
Vision Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is… exactly what I will say and do a pitch fest and writers conference to get representation.
Hook:
Imagine you were told as an Interpreter you could apply for asylum while working for the Army, but you were denied. This is a true story based upon tens of thousands of locals abandoned and marked for death by their own countrymen after the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. This happens daily as we speak.
“Hi, I’m Lloyd Shellenberger. I am a writer, and producer with a feature film and several documentaries under my belt. I covered the Iraq and Afghanistan wars as a broadcast journalist and a Special Operations soldier. I covered the story of Letters from Baghdad. I am also a published author as well.
Action Drama Inspired by true events.
Left Behind Letters from Baghdad.
The budget range is 50-100 million.
I see this as a perfect lead role for Chris Pratt, Ian Somerhalder, and Cooper Barnes.
The inciting incident in the first act is the murder of Hammad, the interpreter.
This forces SFC Clark and his squad to reexamine their view of the military, our government and our policies. Sergeant Clark vows to secure a visa for the widow and her children at all costs but his first attempts fail.
In the second act Clark risks his life and the members of his unit by forcing a lumbering bureaucracy to reexamine their policies. He takes on the system and dares to question it.
By the end of the third act, Clark and his crew must face off against Abu-Rami and his terrorist cell in a winner takes all scenario. The countdown has begun, and the terrorist are intent on killing everyone involved with the interpreter. Will they succeed? In the final act Clark and his squad secure the visas with less than one day to spare. The widow and children are given asylum. Clark and his unit are vindicated. This is an action drama that intertwines the genre with genuine human interaction and dignity.
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BWTV Module 10 lesson 8 Become a star at a pitch fest.
Lloyd’s Pitch Fest.
Vision Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is exactly what I will say and do a pitch fest and writers conference to get representation.
“Hi, I’m Lloyd Shellenberger and I’m a broadcast Journalist, published author, and producer with a feature film and several documentaries under my belt. I covered the Iraq and Afghanistan wars as a journalist and a Special Operations soldier.
Benjamin Greene
Genre Action\Drama
What if you and your unit was forcefully recruited into a Pentagon Agency where the only rules are kill or be killed and there is no retirement, only “amendment”?
I have budgeted the Pilot at 4.38 million which can be brought down to 2.82 or less depending on the rewrites and locations.
The actor I see best fitting this lead role is John Hamm. This is a role and A-lister can sink his teeth into. The character arc is huge, and Greene is the very definition of a killer with a heart.
The pilot begins in Afghanistan as Colonel Greene and his crew shut down a government run drug house.
The second act begins four years later as Colonel Greene, a former CIA assassin. and his unit are brutally recruited by a Top-Secret Pentagon called the Puzzle works whose only mission is to make sure our nation’s secrets stay secret.
In the third and fourth acts Greene and his crew investigate a drug smuggling ring in Fort Bragg. The rules are simple, no witnesses, no press, and no loose ends.
The ringleader is an old and trusted military colleague. Unfortunately, Greene and his unit must comply or be “amended” Themselves.
The fifth act end as Colonel Greene successfully complete their mission only to face internal and external betrayals. The world of Benjamin Greene is rife with murder, black bag money, FBI agents, politicians, and betrayal around every corner.
Will Greene and his crew expose the Puzzle Work and find an exit strategy, or will they be Amended? There are over 35 open loops and more than a dozen mysteries in this five-year series.
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Lloyd’s Inquiry letter
Vision Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is… how to use professional inquiries to get script requests.
Imagine if soldiers or military personnel you know are recruited into the spy game by a Top-Secret Pentagon agency whose only rules are kill or be killed. How would you handle it knowing there is no retirement only amendment?
Benjamin Greene takes this reality one step further as Greene and his crew are assigned increasingly more difficult Special Operations assignments over a five-year period designed to hide the government’s truths while others seek to expose it.
Are these increasingly impossible assignments a setup for failure? Who lives, who dies? There are over 35 open loops, and more than a dozen mysteries hidden in the story line designed to keep the audience guessing.
Benjamin Greene exposes the secret world of special operations in a way never before seen. As time runs out, Colonel Greene and his crew must find an exit strategy before The Puzzle works “Amends” them.
From the mind of Staff Sergeant Lloyd Shellenberger, a former Psychological Operations Specialist with several tours under his belt this is a timely and entertaining series. Lloyd Shellenberger is also a film and television screenwriter, and independent producer. His perspective isn’t from the sidelines, he has actual war time experience.
REQUEST
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the TV and Streaming pilot.CONTACT INFO
Lloyd Shellenberger
1306 North Columbus Ave. Suite 215Glendale, CA 91202
747-210-1983Mars Production and Postproduction Services
Top Shelf Publications
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by
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Lloyd’s Inquiry letter
Vision Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is… how to use professional inquiries to get script requests.
Imagine if an employed Iraqi translator were told by the U.S. State Department, he would be considered for an Immigration Visa only to be denied. After the war, the translator is left behind and branded a traitor by his own country. This happens every day.
Left Behind, Letters from Baghdad takes this reality one step further. Left Behind, Letters from Baghdad focuses on the moral and ethical struggles of a U.S. Army Sergeant in war torn Baghdad. SFC Miles Clark and his squad defies orders to save a murdered Iraqi interpreter’s widow and children from certain death at the hands of a vengeful terrorist.
Letters from Baghdad exposes the human cost of war and its injustices in a profound and deeply impactful way, highlighting the continuing horrors occurring in Iraq and Afghanistan today. Letters from Baghdad boldly intertwines the action-drama genre with a humanistic approach, making it a unique and emotionally charged war movie.
Covered by AFN journalist, Staff Sergeant Lloyd Shellenberger, this is a timely and poignant story inspired by true events. Lloyd Shellenberger is a film and television screenwriter, and independent producer. His perspective isn’t from the sidelines, he has actual war time experience.
REQUEST
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.CONTACT INFO
Lloyd Shellenberger
1306 North Columbus Ave. Suite 215Glendale, CA 91202
747-210-1983Mars Production and Postproduction Services
Top Shelf Publications
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Lloyd Shellenberger – High Concepts / Elevator Pitches
VISION!!!
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
I hope I don’t mix up high concept with elevator pitches?ASSIGNMENT
Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.
To find your main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.Colonel Benjamin Greene and his unit are recruited into the espionage game where the only rules are kill or be killed.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
The main conflict revolves around keeping national secrets and dealing with internal and external threats, which is engaging and has high stakes.
The pilot also does a good job of introducing the high-stakes world of espionage and the characters’ roles within it. The inciting incident is the brutal recruitment of Colonel Greene and his team, which sets the tone for the series.3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
I’ve written a TV script called… Benjamin Greene. It’s about… Colonel Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin, turned Special operations Commander, and his crew, who are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon agency whose whole mission is to ensure the nation’s secrets stay secret.
The best aspect of my script is the high-stakes world I’ve created and the complex nature of the Puzzle Works agency.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by
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Lloyd Shellenberger – High Concepts / Elevator Pitches
VISION!!!
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
I hope I don’t mix up high concept with elevator pitches. Trying to shorten and improve my pitches.ASSIGNMENT
Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.
To find your main hook, give us what is most unique about your lead character’s journey from a big picture perspective.SFC Miles Clark and his unit risk everything to save a widow and her children from certain death.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
This script intertwines the action-drama genre with a humanistic approach.
3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
I’ve written a script called… Left behind. Letters from Baghdad – It’s about… SFC Clark’s struggle to protect the widow and children of a murdered Iraqi interpreter from a terrorist who seeks retribution.
The script presents a unique perspective on the Iraq War by focusing on the personal journey of SFC Miles Clark.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by
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Lloyd’s Synopsis Hooks
Vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is… how to fine tune my pitch using hooks.
Genre Action Drama
Title Benjamin Greene
Episodic or Streaming Series 1 hour long
Benjamin Greene High Concept A former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon agency whose mission is to ensure the nation’s secrets stay secret.
Logline: Col. Greene and his unit are brutally recruited into the espionage game where the only rules are killed or be killed.
Unique. The concept is strong, focusing on a former CIA assassin turned commander who is now part of a top-secret Pentagon agency. The main conflict revolves around keeping national secrets and dealing with internal and external threats, which is engaging and has high stakes.
N/A It may not be a first. Blacklist, Ray Donovan, The Unit, Seal team. The way this is presented allows the crew to travel around the world hiding or getting rid of the incrementing deeds of nefarious government agencies. The conflict lies in the resistance and desire at times to work outside of the Puzzle Works mandate and make up new rules as they go along.
Wide audience appeal. The emotional arc of the lead protagonist makes this a powerful role any actor would love to play. Audiences would embark on a wild emotional ride as they root for the lead characters and Colonel Greene and his crew.
Similarity to TV success. The Unit, Blacklist, Ray Donovan
A great role for a bankable actor. This story takes an actor all the way through the emotional arc from A to Z. Colonel Benjamin Greene is a strong and capable protagonist. His antagonist is just as capable and committed. Throughout the series rival factions conspire to expose or hide the truth as well, often putting Greene and his crew in compromising situations.
What is most unique about your villain and hero? My lead, Colonel Benjamin Greene is flawed and bitter, but he is the perfect man for the job of leading his crew through the world of espionage and murder. He is the definition of an anti-hero. A killer with a heart.
B. Major hook of your opening scene? The pilot does a good job of introducing the high-stakes world of espionage and the characters’ roles within it. The inciting incident is the brutal recruitment of Colonel Greene and his team, which sets the tone for the series. It begins with the raid on an Agency drug house in Afghanistan.
Any turning points? Situation Layers: The team’s recruitment and the real motives behind their missions. The Puzzle Works is all consuming and brutal. The whole series is defined by that moment. Murder is the first and last order of the day for this demented agency.
Emotional dilemma? Colonel Benjamin Greene left the Agency years before for his wife. He does not appear to be happy coming back to the spy world. His son Lt. Brian Greene is his last tether to humanity and his greatest trigger.
Reversals? There are enough open loops and twists in the first season to keep the audience guessing. Lt. Greene and Desmone’s enter the drug trade in what appears to be a direct betrayal of Colonel Greene, or is it? The end of the first season sees a major twist in why and for what purpose they did this. Nothing is as it seems.
Any big surprises? There are over 35 open loops. Maybe Greene wasn’t recruited? He may have recruited the agency. His wife’s death may have not been from natural causes. When you take away the one thing that keeps a killer civilized what happens to restraint?
First Draft:
The 1st act of Benjamin Greene introduces the main characters and the premise of a top-secret agency tasked with keeping the nation’s secrets. Colonel Greene and his crew open with an action-packed mission to shut down a government run drug operation in Afghanistan. This sets the tone for the entire series. The turning Point begins as the team is brutally recruited into the Puzzle Works 4 years after the Afghanistan mission. From this point on characters grapple with the implications of their mission and their uncertain future.
As former Puzzle Works agents and colleagues are brutally murdered you begin to understand you cannot walk away from the agency. In the 3<sup>rd</sup> act, a significant betrayal within the agency is revealed. The identity of Garnet is hinted at but not revealed. If she is a spoiler, Col. Greene and his unit have a big problem that could change everything. In the 4<sup>th</sup> and 5<sup>th</sup> acts a major character is put in mortal danger. Colonel Greene is a marked man. The only protection he has is from the one agency he hates the most, The Puzzle Works. The final act cements the characters’ commitment to their mission and to each other. In the 4th act, the burning down of a drug warehouse on Ft. Bragg and erasing all evidence becomes the operating theme of Greene and his crew. Finally, Col. Greene is critically wounded. FBI agent Stockton is hot on his heels, following the trail of bodies. Agent Stockton is every bit as ruthless and talented as Greene. The audience sees this in the final scene at the hospital. There is no line he will not cross to bury Greene and his crew.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by
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Lloyd Shellenberger– Synopsis Hooks
VISION!!!
Working hard every day to become the best writer and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
Taking the best parts of my script and highlighting them in an interesting and concise presentation.Title. Left Behind Letters from Baghdad
Genre. Action Drama
High Concept. An Iraqi interpreter is murdered while working for the US military forcing SFC Clark and his unit to risk their lives and careers to the save the widow and children from certain death at the hands of a vengeful terrorist.
ASSIGNMENT
3. Organize both and select the 10 most interesting things. Post those to the forums.
Lloyd’s ten most interesting things about Left behind, Letters from BaghdadA. What is most unique about your villain and hero. My hero, SFC Clark goes through a character arc that makes this an interesting role for a lead actor. Abu Rami was a real terrorist. I and other soldiers feared him and Al-Zarqawi. He was capable and ruthless.
B. Major hook of your opening scene. The opening scene shows our interpreter working. It highlights the fear and threats they faced daily working for the US. It also hints at the Sheik playing on both sides.
C. Any turning points? The first turning point is the Amil bombing. The true nature of terrorism rears deadly head. The second TP is the killing of Hammad. This sets Clark on a path, which there is no return.
D. Emotional dilemma. Clark must decide between duty and doing the right thing. His loyalties change from doing his military duty to doing the right thing at all costs.
E. Major twists? Clark proves there is a mole, and the Sheik is dirty. By doing this he has given himself some chips to bargain for the Widows freedom.
F. SFC Clark forces an entrenched and shortsighted State Department and US Military to reexamine its policies and decisions.
G. Character betrayals? When Clark discovers a mole, he must find a way to use this to force Abi-Rami’s hand. The mole does his job and betrays the Army.
H. Any big surprises? The revelation that the Sheik is dirty, and Ahmad is knee deep in the terrorist attacks.
The big idea here is the moral and emotional struggle of a military unit trying to save an Iraqi interpreter’s family from terrorist retribution, which is a unique angle on the war drama genre that combines action with a strong emotional core.
Suspense and Anticipation: The script creates suspense through the constant threat to the widow and her children and the unpredictability of Abu Rami’s actions.
The strength of my script lies in its compelling main conflict and the moral complexities it explores. The action sequences are intense and well-crafted, and the character of SFC Clark is a powerful protagonist.
The inciting incident, the midpoint revelation, the “all is lost” moment, the climax, and the resolution are all strong and effectively drive the story forward.
The ten best things about my script.
1. The initial convoy attack that sets the stakes at the Amil Power Plant.
2. The ambush on Haifa Street that showcases the unit’s combat skills.
3. The revelation of the mole, which adds a layer of internal conflict.
4. The confrontation with the Sheik which shows the dangerous and deceptive nature of war. This is also the point where Clark realizes using the same tactics won’t work so he switches gears.
5. The final showdown with Abu Rami, which is emotionally charged and action-packed. 6. The departure of Fazziz and her children, which provides emotional closure.
7. The scene on the Convention Center roof where Clark releases the ashes. It is also a physical release of the past and a healing moment.
8. Scene where terrorist threaten Fazziz, leaving us to wonder who he will kill.
9. SFC Clark speaking to his parents for the first time in years. The world is right again, and Clark can finally breathe.
10. The scene where Fazziz boards the plane but before she does, she makes the sign of the rainbow to Clark. This is a powerful and emotional connection to one another.
11. The graveyard scene highlights the struggles of the Iraqi people when we see all the graves marred by red spray
4. Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis.
FIRST DRAFT
Letters from Baghdad is a timely true story with a powerful message. Act 1is set in Baghdad in 2004. It introduces SFC Clark to a military operation, highlighting his skills and leadership. After the Inciting Incident, the murder of the Iraqi interpreter, Clark is forced to re-examine his view of the world and the military. He takes up the cause of the widow, desperate to save her and the children from certain death. To do this he must secure visas for the family against all odds. He quickly learns that conventional approaches will not work. Clark’s initial plan to secure visas for the family fails. He must now risk everything to secure the visas.
A new plan: Clark devises a risky plan to capture the terrorist leader and secure the coveted visas. He gathers valuable intel and trades that information on a mole to highlight the shortfalls in the CIA’s information network. In act three Clark forces a confrontation between his unit and Abu Rami’s forces. Clark confronts the antagonist, choosing not to kill him and instead bringing him to justice. This shows Clark’s growth and humanity. Clark secures the visas and sends the family to America. Clark finds peace in the final scene as he scatters the interpreter’s ashes over Baghdad. By doing this, he finds redemption for his past.
The script presents a unique perspective on the Iraq War by focusing on the personal journey of SFC Miles Clark, an American soldier, and his mission to save an Iraqi interpreter’s family from a vengeful terrorist. This intertwines the action-drama genre with a humanistic approach.
This story is inspired by true events SSG Lloyd Shellenberger covered as story a journalist. It may be the best and most accurate Iraqi war film ever. Because of this I believe it will have a wide audience appeal. The emotional arc of the lead protagonist makes this a powerful role any actor would love to play. The book is currently in development. It is due out in 2024.
The script effectively escalates the conflict and tension, particularly in the action sequences. It also creates suspense through the constant threat posed by the antagonist and the unpredictability of the mission.
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Lloyd’s 10 Most Interesting Things
Vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is… how to fine tune my pitch.
Marketable Components for Producer.
This project is highly marketable and proven because of the continued success of shows like The Unit, Blacklist, and Ray Donovan. Colonel Benjamin Greene is a fixer, just not in the traditional sense. Nor is he a hero in the traditional sense. He is the kind of anti-hero that an A-list actor will fall in love with. The Pilot for the TV and Streaming is budgeted and scheduled for any producer who would care to look at it.
Genre
Action Drama
Benjamin Greene High Concept
A former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon agency whose mission is to ensure the nation’s secrets stay secret.Logline:
After the murder of an Iraqi interpreter, SFC Miles Clark and his crew must risk their lives and careers to save the widow and her children from certain death.
A. Unique.The concept is strong, focusing on a former CIA assassin turned commander who is now part of a top-secret Pentagon agency. The main conflict revolves around keeping national secrets and dealing with internal and external threats, which is engaging and has high stakes.
B. Great Title.
The title is indicative of a strong lead that dominates the show and exemplifies excellent leadership qualities as a unit Commander and Special Operations operative.
C. True.
Some of the episodes were inspired by true events but because of the sensitive nature of the story, names and dates were changed to protect the true facts. I spent time in Psychological Operations and did tours performing those duties.
D. Timely.
Unfortunately, with the world in a state of chaos this story fits the current times perfectly.
E. N/A It may not be a first.
Blacklist, Ray Donovan, The Unit, Seal team. The way this is presented allows the crew to travel around the world hiding or getting rid of the incrementing deeds of nefarious government agencies. The conflict lies in the resistance and desire at times to work outside of the Puzzle Works mandate and make up new rules as they go along.
F. Ultimate.
This may be the best action-packed TV series to date.
G. Wide audience appeal.
The emotional arc of the lead protagonist makes this a powerful role any actor would love to play. Audiences would embark on a wild emotional ride as they root for the lead characters and Colonel Greene and his crew.
H. Book
I am contemplating creating a long running book series named The Puzzle Works or the Puppet Masters.
I. Similarity to TV success.
The Unit, Blacklist, Ray Donovan
J. A great role for a bankable actor.
This story takes an actor all the way through the emotional arc from A to Z. Colonel Benjamin Greene is a strong and capable protagonist. His antagonist is just as capable and committed. Throughout the series rival factions conspire to expose or hide the truth as well, often putting Greene and his crew in compromising situations.
This is a TV Series drawn from real life world events. Soldiers and government agencies are involved in covert operations all around the world daily. The TV or Streaming audience gets a front row seat to the inner workings of the espionage game.
Plot Layers: The true nature of the Puzzle Works agency and its influence on global affairs.
Character Layers: Greene’s past and the reasons behind his wife’s death. The best aspect of your script is the high-stakes world you’ve created and the complex nature of the Puzzle Works agency.Plot Layers: The conspiracy within the agency and the true extent of the corruption.
Character Layers: Greene’s past as an assassin, Mosely’s hidden agenda, and Garnet’s full capabilities.
Situation Layers: The betrayal within the team and the agency’s real purpose.
Reveal: The betrayal by Mosely and the agency’s true nature.What is most unique about your villain and hero? My lead, Colonel Benjamin Greene is flawed and bitter, but he is the perfect man for the job of leading his crew through the world of espionage and murder.
B. Major hook of your opening scene?
The pilot does a good job of introducing the high-stakes world of espionage and the characters’ roles within it. The inciting incident is the brutal recruitment of Colonel Greene and his team, which sets the tone for the series. It begins with the raid on an Agency drug house in Afghanistan.
C. Any turning points? Situation Layers: The team’s recruitment and the real motives behind their missions. The Puzzle Works is all consuming and brutal. The whole series is defined by that moment. Murder is the first and last order of the day for this demented agency.
D. Emotional dilemma? Colonel Benjamin Greene left the Agency years before for his wife. He does not appear to be happy coming back to the spy world. His son Lt. Brian Greene is his last tether to humanity and his greatest trigger.
E. Major twists? There are over 35 open loops and a dozen or more mysteries written into this show.
F. Reversals? There are enough open loops and twists in the first season to keep the audience guessing. Lt. Greene and Desmoines enter the drug trade in what appears to be a direct betrayal of Colonel Greene, or is it? The end of the first season sees a major twist in why and for what purpose they did this. Nothing is as it seems.
G. Character betrayals? There are a load of character betrayals starting with Sergeant Garnet. We learn from the first episode she may be the most dangerous person in the mix. Lt. Greene is not above betrayal directed at his father and Sergeant Garnet. Jones has a questionable pass that puts him in a compromising position from Agent Stockton.
H. Or any big surprises? There are over 35 open loops. Maybe Greene wasn’t recruited? He may have recruited the agency. His wife’s death may have not been from natural causes. When you take away the one thing that keeps a killer civilized what happens to restraint?
Ten most interesting things in my script:
1. Teaser: The opening scene is action-packed and establishes the high-risk world of the characters.
2. 1ST ACT: Introduces the main characters and the premise of a top-secret agency tasked with keeping the nation’s secrets. Who are the Puzzle Works?
3. Turning Point: The team is brutally recruited into the agency.
4. 2ND ACT: The conflict of trust and betrayal within the agency is introduced.
5. Turning Point: The team learns about the depth of the conspiracy they are dealing with The Puzzle Works agency is the in the spy game and no one escapes them. No One!
6. 3RD ACT: The characters grapple with the implications of their mission and their uncertain future. As former Puzzle Works agents and colleagues are brutally murdered you begin to understand you cannot walk away from the agency.
7. Turning Point: A significant betrayal within the agency is revealed. The true identity of Garnet is hinted at but not revealed. If she is a spoiler, Col. Greene and Lt. Greene have a big problem that could change everything.
8. 4TH ACT: The characters’ efforts to resolve the situation lead to further complications.
Turning Point: A major character is put in mortal danger. Colonel Greene is a marked man. The only protection he has is from the one agency he hates the most, The Puzzle Works.9. 5TH ACT: The final act cements the characters’ commitment to their mission and to each other. The burning down of the warehouse and erasing all evidence is the operating theme of Greene and his crew.
10. Agent Stockton is every bit as ruthless and talented as Greene and we see that in the final warehouse scene and at the hospital. There is no line he will not cross to bury Greene and his crew.
Plot Layers: The conspiracy within the agency and the true extent of the corruption.
Character Layers: Greene’s past as an assassin, Mosely’s hidden agenda, and Garnet’s full capabilities.
Situation Layers: The betrayal within the team and the agency’s real purpose.
Reveal: The betrayal by Mosely and the agency’s true nature.-
This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by
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Lloyd’s ten most interesting things about Left behind, Letters from Baghdad
Vision Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment…how to continually fine tune my pitch.
A. What is most unique about your villain and hero. My hero, SFC Clark goes through a character arc that makes this an interesting role for a lead actor. Abu Rami was a real terrorist. I and other soldiers feared him and Al-Zarqawi. He was capable and ruthless.
B. Major hook of your opening scene. The opening scene shows our interpreter hard at work. It highlights the fear and threats they faced on a daily basis working for the US. It also hints at the Sheik playing both sides.
<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>C. Any turning points? The first turning point is the Amil bombing. The true nature of terrorism rears </font>its<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> deadly head. The second TP is the killing of Hammad. This sets Clark on a path of which there is no return. </font>
D. Emotional dilemma. Clark must decide between duty and doing the right thing. His loyalties change from doing his military duty to doing the right thing at all costs.
E. Major twists? Clark proves there is a mole, and the Sheik is dirty. By doing this he has given himself some chips to bargain for the Widows freedom.
<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>F Reversals? Clark forces a </font>steadfast<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> State Department and US Military to reexamine its policies and decisions.</font><font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> </font>
G. Character betrayals? When Clark discovers a mole, he must find a way to use this to force Abi-Rami’s hand. The mole does his job and betrays the Army.
H. Any big surprises? The revelation that the Sheik is dirty, and Ahmad is knee deep in the terrorist attacks.
The big idea here is the moral and emotional struggle of a military unit trying to save an Iraqi interpreter’s family from terrorist retribution, which is a unique angle on the war drama genre that combines action with a strong emotional core.
Suspense and Anticipation: The script creates suspense through the constant threat to the widow and her children and the unpredictability of Abu Rami’s actions.
The strength of my script lies in its compelling main conflict and the moral complexities it explores. The action sequences are intense and well-crafted, and the character of SFC Clark is a powerful protagonist.
The inciting incident, the midpoint revelation, the “all is lost” moment, the climax, and the resolution are all strong and effectively drive the story forward.
The ten best things about my script. 1. The initial convoy attack that sets the stakes at the Amil Power Plant. 2. The ambush on Haifa Street that showcases the unit’s combat skills. 3. The revelation of the mole, which adds a layer of internal conflict. 4. The confrontation with the Sheik which shows the dangerous and deceptive nature of war. This is also the point where Clark realizes using the same tactics won’t work so he switches gears. 5. The final showdown with Abu Rami, which is emotionally charged and action-packed. 6. The departure of Fazziz and her children, which provides emotional closure. 7. The scene on the Convention Center roof where Clark releases the ashes. It is also a physical release of the past and a healing moment. 8. Scene where terrorist threaten Fazziz, leaving us to wonder who he will kill. 9. SFC Clark speaking to his parents for the first time in years. The world is right again, and Clark can finally breathe 10. The scene where Fazziz boards the plane but before she does, she makes the sign of the rainbow to Clark. This is a powerful and emotional connection to one another. 11. The graveyard scene highlights the struggles of the Iraqi people when we see all the graves marred by red spray paint and labeled traitors. “The Hurt Locker” (2008), “American Sniper” (2014), and “Lone Survivor” (2013) are successful movies that share similarities with this script in terms of genre, themes, and audience appeal.
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Lloyd Shellenberger – Producer/Manager
Vision
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment…Is how to create a pitch for the producer adn a different one for the manager.
Marketable Components for Producer/Manager
BIO
My name is Lloyd Shellenberger. I am a former Special Operations and Psychological Operations officer and Broadcast journalist. I have done tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, in each of those professional capacities. Because of my exposure to world events, my footage and my stories have been aired on the world stage as pool footage, movie footage, for various political and Geographical functions. My broad cross knowledge and first-hand experience of war makes me an excellent candidate to tell the wartime and military stories in Letters from Baghdad and Benjamin Greene.
Marketable Components for Producer.
This project is highly marketable and proven because of the continued success of movies like The Covenant, Greene Zone, Hurt Locker. SFC Miles Clark is a flawed Protagonist that experiences a character arc that should attract any A-List actor. The Movie is budgeted and scheduled for any producer who would care to look at it.
Genre
Action Drama
Left behind. Letters from Baghdad
While working for the US military, an Iraqi interpreter is murdered, SFC Clark and his unit must risk their lives and their careers to save the widow and her children from certain death at the hands of a vengeful terrorist.A. Unique. This is a movie about doing the right thing in the face of overwhelming odds and danger.
B. Great Title. Left Behind. Letters from Baghdad. I had to combine both. My alternate title is the road to Madinat Al Salam (City of peace)
C. True. This is inspired by true events but because of the sensitive nature of the story, names and dates were changed to protect the family. I covered this story as a journalist.
D. Timely. Unfortunately, with the world in a state of chaos. This story fits the current times perfectly.
E. It’s a first. The Covenant, Hurt Locker, Sniper, Green Zone, all had endings that were happy and uplifting. This story is designed to educate the public on what our nation did to those who stepped up to help us. The locals in Iraq and Afghanistan who helped us are facing death daily.
F. Ultimate. This may be the best and most accurate Iraqi war film ever.
G. Wide audience appeal. The emotional arc of the lead protagonist makes this a powerful role any actor would love to play. Audiences would embark on a wild emotional ride as they root for the lead character and the widow and her children.
H. Adapted from a popular book. The Road to Madanat Al- Salam comes out in April or May 2024
I. Similarity to box-office success. The Covenant, Green Zone American Sniper
J. A great role for a bankable actor. This story takes an actor all the way through the emotional arc from A to Z. SFC Miles Clark is a strong and capable protagonist.
This is a movie about war-torn Baghdad during 2004 and a soldier’s journey to redemption. Audiences will also witness the physical and emotional toll on the soldiers, local nationals, and the contractors, as they deal with the daily death and destruction. Many of the stories we have been told in the press don’t do it justice as to what really happened. SSG Lloyd Shellenberger spent time on the front lines chronicling the mass graves, Codel visits, and other AFN stories as they occurred. This is a chance to get a front row seat to Baghdad like it has never been seen before and gain insight into the hearts and minds of the brave men and women who served.
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Lloyd Shellenberger Producer Manager
Vision
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is… how to create a custom pitch for a producer and one for the manager.
BIO Intro
My name is Lloyd Shellenberger. I am a former Special Operations and Psychological Operations officer and Broadcast journalist. I have done tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, in each of those professional capacities. Because of my exposure to world events, my footage and my stories have been aired on the world stage as pool footage, movie footage, for various political and Geographical functions. My broad cross knowledge and first-hand experience of war makes me an excellent candidate to tell the wartime and military stories in Letters from Baghdad and Benjamin Greene.
Marketable Components for Producer.
This project is highly marketable and proven because of the continued success of shows like The Unit, Blacklist, and Ray Donovan. Colonel Benjamin Greene is a fixer, just not in the traditional sense. Nor is he a hero in the traditional sense. He is the kind of anti-hero that an A-list actor will fall in love with. The Pilot for the TV and Streaming is budgeted and scheduled for any producer who would care to look at it.
Genre
Action Drama
Benjamin Greene High Concept
A former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon agency whose mission is to ensure the nation’s secrets stay secret.Logline:
Colonel Greene and his crew are brutally recruited into the espionage game where the only rules are kill or be killed.
A. Unique.This series gives the viewers a unique insight into the espionage game where the only rules are kill or be killed.
B. Great Title.
The title is indicative of a strong lead that dominates the show and exemplifies excellent leadership qualities as a unit Commander and Special Operations operative.
C. True.
Some of the episodes were inspired by true events but because of the sensitive nature of the story, names and dates were changed to protect the true facts. I spent time in Psychological Operations and did tours performing those duties.
D. Timely.
Unfortunately, with the world in a state of chaos this story fits the current times perfectly.
E. N/A It may not be a first.
Blacklist, Ray Donovan, The Unit, Seal team. The way this is presented allows the crew to travel around the world hiding or getting rid of the incrementing deeds of nefarious government agencies. The conflict lies in the resistance and desire at times to work outside of the Puzzle Works mandate and make up new rules as they go along.
F. Ultimate.
This may be the best action-packed TV series to date.
G. Wide audience appeal.
The emotional arc of the lead protagonist makes this a powerful role any actor would love to play. Audiences would embark on a wild emotional ride as they root for the lead characters and Colonel Greene and his crew.
H. Book
I am contemplating creating a long running book series named The Puzzle Works or the Puppet Masters.
I. Similarity to TV success.
The Unit, Blacklist, Ray Donovan
J. A great role for a bankable actor.
This story takes an actor all the way through the emotional arc from A to Z. Colonel Benjamin Greene is a strong and capable protagonist. His antagonist is just as capable and committed. Throughout the series rival factions conspire to expose or hide the truth as well, often putting Greene and his crew in compromising situations.
This is a TV Series drawn from real life world events. Soldiers and government agencies are involved in covert operations all around the world daily. The TV or Streaming audience gets a front row seat to the inner workings of the espionage game.
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Lloyd Shellenberger – Marketable Components
Vision:
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
I am now learning how to write an effective pitch.
Benjamin Greene
A former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon agency whose mission is to ensure the nation’s secrets stay secret.ASSIGNMENT
Pick one or two components and tell us how your script already fulfills them AND how you might highlight these two in order to elevate the pitch.
1. Tell us your current logline. After the murder of an Iraqi interpreter, SFC Miles Clark and his crew must risk thier lives and careers to save the widow and her children from certain death.
2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick a few that have the most potential for selling this script.
A. Unique. This series gives the viewers a unique insight into the espionage game where the only rules are kill or be killed.B. Great Title. The title is indicative of a strong lead that dominates the show and exemplifies excellent leadership qualities as a unit Commander and Special Operations operative.
C. True. Some of the episodes were inspired by true events but because of the sensitive nature of the story, names and dates were changed to protect the true facts. I spent time in Psychological Operations and did tours performing those duties.
D. Timely. Unfortunately, with the world in as state of chaos this story fits the current times perfectly.
E. It’s may not be a first. Blacklist, Ray Donovan, The Unit, Seal team. The way this is presented allows the crew to travel around the world hiding or getting rid of the incrementing deeds of nefarious government agencies. The conflict lies in the resistant and desire at times to work outside of the Puzzle Works mandate and make up new rules as they go along.
F. Ultimate. This may be the best action-packed TV series to date.
G. Wide audience appeal. The emotional arc of the lead protagonist makes this a powerful role any actor would love to play. Audiences would embark on a wild emotional ride as they root for the lead characters and Colonel Greene and his crew.
H. I am contemplating creating a long running book series named The Puzzle Works or the Puppet Masters.
I. Similarity to a TV success. The Unit, Blacklist, Ray Donovan
J. A great role for a bankable actor. This story takes an actor all the way through the emotional arc from A to Z. Colonel Benjamin Greene is a strong and capable protagonist. His antagonist is just as capable and committed. Throughout the series rival factions conspire to expose or hide the truth as well often times putting Greene and his crew in compromising situations.
3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate the components you chose for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through those components.
Example: If you say your script has a great role, in one or two sentences, tell us how you can emphasize that role as you pitch your concept.This is a TV Series is drawn from real life world events. Soldiers and government agencies are involved in covert operations all around the world on a daily basis. The TV or Streaming audience gets a front row seat to the inner workings of the espionage game.
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Lloyd Shellenberger – Marketable Components
Vision:
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
I am now learning how to write an effective pitch.
Left behind. Letters from Baghdad
While working for the US military, an Iraqi interpreter is murdered, SFC Clark and his unit must risk their lives and their careers to save the widow and her children from certain death at the hands of a vengeful terrorist.ASSIGNMENT
Pick one or two components and tell us how your script already fulfills them AND how you might highlight these two in order to elevate the pitch.
1. Tell us your current logline. After the murder of an Iraqi interpreter, SFC Miles Clark and his crew must risk thier lives and careers to save the widow and her children from certain death.
2. Look through the 10 Components of Marketability and pick a few that have the most potential for selling this script.
A. Unique. This is a movie about doint the right thing in the face of overwhelming odds and danger.B. Great Title. Left Behind. Letters from Baghdad. I had to combine both. My alternate title is The road to Madinat Al Salam (City of peace)
C. True. This is inspired by true events but because of the sensitive nature of the story, names and dates were changed to protect the family. I covered this story as a journalist.
D. Timely. Unfortunately, with the world in as state of chaos this story fits the current times perfectly.
E. It’s a first. Covenant, Hurt Locker, Sniper, Green Zone, all had endings that were happy and uplifting. This story is designed to educate the public on what out nation did those who stepped up to help us. The locals in Iraq and Afghanistan who helped us are facing death daily.
F. Ultimate. This may be the best and most accurate Iraqi war film ever.
G. Wide audience appeal. Thye emotional arc of the lead protagonist makes this a powerful role any actor would love to play. Audiences would embark on a wild emotional ride as they root for the lead characters.
H. Adapted from a popular book. The Road to Madanat Al- Salam comes out in April or May 2024
I. Similarity to a box-office success. The Covenant, Green Zone American Sniper
J. A great role for a bankable actor. This story takes an actor all the way through the emotional arc from A to Z. SFC Miles Clark is a strong and capable protagonist.
3. Do a quick brainstorm session about ways to elevate the components you chose for this script and tell us how you might pitch the script through those components.
Example: If you say your script has a great role, in one or two sentences, tell us how you can emphasize that role as you pitch your concept.This is a movie about war-torn Baghdad during 2004 and a soldiers journey to redemption. Audiences will also witness the physical and emotional toll on the soldiers, local nationals, and the contractors, as they deal with the daily death and destruction. Many of the stories we have been told in the press don’t do it justice as to what really happened. SSG Lloyd Shellenberger spent time on the front lines chronicling the mass graves, Codel visits, and other AFN stories as they occurred. This is a chance to get a front row seat to Baghdad like it has never been seen before and gain insight into the hearts and minds of the brave men and women who served.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 4 months ago by
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Lloyd loves Getting 50 Script requests
What I learned from this assignment is you’re still on your own to get agents and managers as well as producers to talk to you.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
I have already started. I am buying LA 411 I have taken my BWTV series Benjamin Greene and Letters from Baghdad and pitched it to several producers. I have a pitch meeting next week and plan on going to Vegas early 2024 to a writer’s conference to sign an agent. This is by far the hardest part of the whole course as there is no clear path or list of agents and producers.
I have already received 5 script request and put my scripts into WB and Paramount for review.
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Lloyd loves Getting 50 Script requests
What I learned from this assignment is you’re still on your own to get agents and managers as well as producers to talk to you.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
I have already started. I am buying LA 411 I have taken my BWTV series Benjamin Greene and Letters from Baghdad and pitched it to several producers. I have a pitch meeting next week and plan on going to Vegas early 2024 to a writer’s conference to sign an agent. This is by far the hardest part of the whole course as there is no clear path or list of agents and producers.
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Yes,
I would If you want how would you like to do this and would you want to do it one week from now. I am finishing up as much of it as I can. Minor stuff but I have someone else that is reading my stuff as well. It might not be PG rated as this is about soldiers and the war? How do you feel about that. You can call me at 747-210-1983 and speak to me directly and let me know if you are comfortable with the concept.
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Subject Lloyd Feedback Exchange!
“What I learned doing this assignment is a script is a living and breathing document that will change right up to the day of the shoot. I can improve it every day”.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
Title: Left Behind Letters from Baghdad
Written by Lloyd Shellenberger
Email address: lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com
Genre: Action Drama
High Concept: An Iraqi interpreter is murdered while on patrol, SFC Reese and his unit must risk their lives and careers to save the widow and her children from certain death at the hands of a vengeful terrorists.
Based upon a true story.
Script 98 pages
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Subject Lloyd is a proof-reading star!
“What I learned doing this assignment is a script is a living and breathing document that will change right up to the day of the shoot. I can improve it every day”.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
I have been doing this process since day one as I am in the Binge Worthy class as well. I am on the 55th pass right now! I keep finding mistakes despite the fact I have read it backwards several time.
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Subject Lloyd’ Wordsmithing!
“What I learned doing this assignment is a script is a living and breathing document that will change right up to the day of the shoot. I can improve it every day”.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
I went through all 98 pages and made changes on 30-40 pages. Dialogue and description.
I went through the scene with Fazziz and Reese. She is Reese’s change agent, but the dialogue was awkward and unreadable. I changed it and made it meaningful and foreshadowing. I also did the same with the Chaplains dialogue.
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Subject Lloyd Has Tested Every Line!
“What I learned doing this assignment is a script is a living and breathing document that will change right up to the day of the shoot. I can improve it every day”.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
A. Is it necessary? I found several lines and descriptions that were unnecessary. They were removed.
B. Is it absolutely clear? Several descriptions were rewritten to clarify.
C. Can it be reduced (brevity) or made to read faster? I did this also on several instances. I went from 105 pages to 97.
I believe my script has a chance to be an award winner with more work and attention to detail.
6. Give us the before-and-after on the scene where you made the biggest changes.
<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”>I went through the scene with Fazziz and Reese. She is Reese’s change </font>agent,<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> but the dialogue was </font>awkward<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> and unreadable. I changed it and made it </font>relevant<font color=”rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)” face=”inherit”> and foreshadowing. </font>
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Lloyd loves to elevate dialogue.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from these assignments is how to continually elevate dialogue and description.
I have gone through my script, and I am on number 45 in saves and rewrites of dialogue and description as well as shoring up the structure and logic issues. I am happy with it. I had a reading so I could find boring flat dialogue. I went through the notes afterwards and updated it. I love the writing process. Taking and idea and bringing it to life!!!!
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This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by
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CJ give me your email I must have missed it sorry. I will send you the PDF for the streaming and the TV pilot for Benjamin Greene. I use word. Do you want to use word for feedback?
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WIM Module 8: Lesson 6
Lloyd has incredible monologues.
My vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is the monologues serve as character transformational points.
I wrote one for Reese at page 46 and 99. The Commander has a small one in which he talks about going home and concentrating more on being a father and a husband rather than a soldier. This shows an arc in the character’s beliefs.
My first monologue starts with Reese speaking to his men in the motor pool. I will look for more areas where it can work without significantly extending the length of the script.
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Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is to create subtext and further move away from writing on the nose. This is a bad habit I have worked hard to get rid of.
Lloyd is great at Subtext Pointers!
SUBTEXT POINTER METHODS
- Metaphor. Before not written. After: Reese compares himself to a false profit. Delaney says you can only be a false profit. Reese replies exactly! This alludes to the State Departments non-responsive visa policies.
- Implication That Reese had changed forever with his responses.
- Insinuation Before. Arnie threatens Reese with a phone call. After: Arnie suggest Reese will fail, die, or succeed with his plans.
- Hint The Shiek refers to Hammad as a Patriot but that is not what he means. He hints that Qasim knows of him. New scene.
- Sarcasm Reese I feel empowered! Doc Really! No, not really!
- Allusion: Reese alludes to the death of Anna, Hammad, and Ebel as the norm. The Commander reminds him to get with the program and work the system rather than letting the system work him.
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Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd loves covering subtext.
What I learned from this exercise is how to move farther away from writing on the nose which tens to be one of my irritating habits.
There were several instances and a new scene at the beginning that helped create subtext. I went through the entire script. I found that I wasn’t really wring on the head or being overly vague to avoid that. I did add the elements listed and improved several scenes.
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Lloyd loves anticipatory Dialogue.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from the assignment is to treat a script like a living breathing document that can always be improved.
- 1. Direct prediction. Several places have this.
- 2. Indirect prediction. I put in at least two or more areas of dialogue like that,
- 3. Countdown. Multiple cases of this are in the script.
- 4. Imply consequences. That was already there.
- 5. Imply hopelessness. That is also in there.
- 6. Shield from consequences in advance.
- 7. Warnings. Multiple dialogue was added.
- 8. Create reputation for the villain. The Protagonist and Antagonist reputations put in.
- 9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence. The State department and Reese have these types of discussions.
- 10. A challenge issued. Reese is challenged throughout this by his Commander.
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Lloyd Finished wordsmithing!
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I doo become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this module and this assignment is you really are never done improving the script.
I went through my TV and Streaming version and made sure it was in active present tense voice and no passive wording existed. It is a bad habit I have of writing in passive voice. I eliminated as much as possible. I also went through and really looked at the choice of words I used and tried to find a better choice of words. I went through and continued to wordsmith and improve. This is an ongoing process. I feel like I can go through the script a million times and still find errors.
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Lloyd has amazing descriptions!
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I doo become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this module and this assignment is you really are never done improving the script.
I went through my TV and Streaming version and made sure it was in active present tense voice and no passive wording existed. It is a bad habit I have of writing in passive voice. I eliminated as much as possible. I also went through and really looked at the choice of words I used and tried to find a better choice of words. I went through and continued to wordsmith and improve. This is an ongoing process.
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Lloyd has great introductions!
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I doo become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this module and this assignment is you really are never done improving the script.
I went through my TV and Streaming version and made sure it was in active present tense voice and no passive wording existed. It is a bad habit I have of writing in passive voice. I eliminated as much as possible. I also went through and really looked at the choice of words I used and tried to find a better choice of words.
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Lloyd’s description1!
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is to stay away from writing wordy descriptions in past tense or passive voice. I went through my TV and streaming pilots and examined the descriptions to make sure they were written in the proper format and tense. I found multiple errors and formatting issues despite this being the 30 pass!
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© © Lloyd loves Attack/Counterattack dialogue as well.
Banter is a normal part of military structure. What I learned from this assignment is the ability to continue elevate dialogue many times over by using this technique.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
Again, I did go through ever line of my script. A technique promoted by Binge Worthy TV my other class. I elevated as much as I could as well as description. Stayed away from passive voice and writing on the head. I also used bantering and attack counterattack on several occasions. I enjoyed the witty exchanges with my characters. Lenore is an excellent writer who is also an excellent technician. She has been invaluable!!! Thank you Lenore!
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by
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Lloyd’s Dialogue Structures
What I learned from this assignment is the ability to continue elevate dialogue many times over to create more interesting characters.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
I did go through ever line of my script. A technique promoted by Binge Worthy TV my other class. I elevated as much as I could as well as description. Stayed away from passive voice and writing on the head. I also used the techniques in the module where I could, bantering, Irony ect…. I have many more passes to go but feedback is the most valuable thing I have used. Lenore is an excellent writer who is also an excellent technician. She has been invaluable!!! Thank you Lenore!
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Lloyd has great dialogue Module 4 Lesson 11
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this was additional techniques that improve the quality of the dialogue. The script is a changing document almost daily.
I went through my TV script 40 pages and made several dialogue changes that fit my characters better, I will do the streaming version tomorrow.
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Hello, I am looking to exchange my Pilot. I wrote a TV and Streaming pilot. The TV is 45 pages, The streaming is 59. High concept: A former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon agency whose purpose is to make sure our nation’s secrets stay secret.
Genre: Action Drama
Title: Bejamin Greene
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Lloyd’s Dialogue 7 and 8
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is to continue to tailor your dialogue to the characters and their profiles. This is an ongoing process for the streaming and TV pilot for Benjamin Greene. I continue to use the dialogue techniques to come up with new and interesting ways to say something. Slowly but surely, I am eliminating average dialogue and learning to look for better ways to say something without saying it on the nose.
I also deleted and removed all of the profanity on the TV pilot. The dialogue is designed to be aired on national TV. The Streaming was toned down a bit. The TV pilot was edited at 45 pages while the Streaming ended up being 59 pages. Irony, sarcasm, banter, warnings, setup with open loops, someone hiding from future consequences, betrayal, indirect prediction about judgement day. These were all added.
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Lloyd’s Dialogue 3 and 5
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is to continue to tailor your dialogue to the characters and their profiles. This is an ongoing process for the streaming and TV pilot for Benjamin Greene.
I also deleted and removed all of the profanity on the TV pilot. The dialogue is designed to be aired on national TV. The Streaming was toned down a bit. The TV pilot was edited at 45 pages while the Streaming ended up being 58 pages. Irony, sarcasm, banter, warnings, setup with open loops, someone hiding from future consequences, betrayal, indirect prediction about judgement day. These were all added.
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Lloyd’s Dialogue 1 and 2
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is to continue to tailor your dialogue to the characters and their profiles. This is an ongoing process for the streaming and TV pilot for Benjamin Greene. I also deleted and removed all of the profanity on the TV pilot. The dialogue is designed to be aired on national TV. The Streaming was toned down a bit. The TV pilot was edited at 45 pages while the Streaming ended up being 58 pages. Irony, sarcassim, banter were all added.
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WIM Module 7, Lesson 1
Lloyd Shellenberger loves Elevated Dialogue
My vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is There is always more to our characters than the first draft.
I did go through all 95 pages and there were many instances of flat dialogue. The lead character didn’t have the best dialogue. I also found some reveals that I used to elevate the script. Overall, I am still at 50% while looking for new ideas to improve the script. I also found some examples of character arc and transformation that would improve the character depth.
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Lloyd’s Elevated interest
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is no matter how good you think the script is or isn’t yo can improve it.
I added more obstacles, more environmental hardships, changed scenes to challenge the characters more and used a montage in the final battle scene to shorten the overall script. Tightened the script overall.
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Module 7 Lesson 3
Subject Line: Lloyd’s Elevated Emotion!
Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…the need to improve your product and finding ways to squeeze out every little bit of quality.
I found several places in my script I added more emotion more intrigue and more tension between Reese and the Widow. I made it clear in the end there was a possibility of a hookup but because of cultural norms it wasn’t possible at the time. I tried to add metaphors for emotion and depth as well.
. Post on the forums at http://ScreenwritingClasses.com/forums
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by
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Lloyd’s Completed P/S Grid #2
What I’ve learned from all these assignments is to trust the high-speed process to edits later since the first writes are horrible.
Working hard to become the best writer I can and as a Result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
Alot of logic and scene issues corrected.
Added more open loops and clues as well as mysteries. I will add more in lesson seven when I start it tomorrow.
I had originally planned to write two opening episodes for my pilot. I found a way to put everything in one episode 44-45 pages. I will write the streaming version of 55-60 pages from this. Found a lot of structure errors and problems I fixed.
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WIM Module 7, Lesson 1
Lloyd Shellenberger loves character depth
My vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is There is always more to our characters than the first draft.
I found Reese is suspected of killing the gang member that killed his brother. He is haunted by his past.
Jones is not as street tough and experienced as we were led to believe. He is smart just not street smart. The Commander does care is not all about the regulations.
Reese becomes more and more disillusioned with the beaurocracy. He can never go back to blind faith.
Reese transformation is complete and he is no longer unaware of the suffering around him.
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Lloyd’s Dramatic Reveals
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment that despite having gone over this script a dozen times there were areas that the reveals could be much better.
We reveal Reese didn’t kill Carlos the gangbanger,
Reese will profess his feelings for Fazziz.
Reese begins to reveal more of his character instead of hiding behind his rank.
Reese finds out Hammad knew Abu Rami’s Lieutenant
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Finished Rough draft
What I’ve learned from all these assignments is to trust the high-speed process to edits later since the first writes are horrible.
Working hard to become the best writer I can and as a Result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
Completed TV Rough draft
Added more open loops and clues as well as mysteries. I will add more in lesson seven when I start it tomorrow.
I had originally planned to write two opening episodes for my pilot. I found a way to put everything in one episode 44-45 pages. I will write the streaming version of 55-60 pages from this. Found a lot of structure errors and problems I fixed.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by
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Finished 3, 4, 5
Working hard to become the best writer I can and as a Result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
Completed
What I’ve learned from all these assignments is to trust the high-speed process to edits later since the first writes are horrible.
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Finished Act two
Working hard to become the best writer I can and as a Result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
Completed
What I’ve learned from all these assignments is to trust the high-speed process to edits later since the first writes are horrible.
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Lloyd’s First act
Working hard to become the best writer I can and as a Result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
Completed and going to second act
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BWTV Module 4 Lesson 1 High speed writing
Lloyd’s High Speed Writing
Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
I have finished the teaser and found several issues with my outline as I did.
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WIM Module 6, Lesson 4
Lloyd Shellenberger’s Solved Scene Problems
My vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how important it is to make changes early so everything you write has relevance and pathways to the overall structure. I have allot of work and some tough decisions because this script is the most important one that I have ever written.
My Title: Letters from Baghdad (Left behind)
Concept: Against all odds, SFC Reese and his squad must risk their lives and careers to save the widow of an Iraqi interpreter and her family from certain death at the hands of a ruthless terrorist.
Dramatic triangle: Antagonists, State Department, Military Command
Genre: Drama/Action
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Lloyd’s Cliche busting
Module 6 Lesson 3
What I learned from this assignment is how to identify cliches and eliminate or replace them.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
I found several scenes that had cliches and phrase that were old and worn.
My chase scene in Baghdad was a recycled version of Die hard, that needed to go.
The ending needed some tweaking as well.
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Lloyd’s Building in Intrigue
BWTV Module 3 Lesson 12
Working hard to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is the mysteries, Open loops, and intrigue built into each scene is decided before hand and adjusted as I write the scene creating a living document tha breathes and grows.
I have two episodes for my pilot and over 30 scenes. At this point I have stuck close to my framework and mapped out what layers I want for each scene and act. I have a dozen or more open loops already and equal amounts of intrigue and mystery. Before I started this course, I was aware these existed, but I never made a conscious decision to add these into each scene. Now I realize a scene doesn’t pop without them. The additions are too numerous to write down here, but I am looking to put as many of these elements in a scene as I can.
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Lloyd’s Scene requirements
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is the outlining process is universal throughout the different platforms and essential to setting up the writing process.
CONCEPT: Col. Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin turn Special Operations Commander, and his crew are brutally recruited into a top-secret Pentagon agency to make sure the nations secret, stay secret.
Inciting Incident of Season 1: The Puzzle Works forces Col. Greene to kill a woman he is with or watch his son
die. They also threaten his son, forcing him to agree to their demands.2. List your A, B, and C Stories.
A story =Col. Greene and his crew are brutally recruited into the Puzzle Works. They must complete the
dangerous missions under the threat of exposure, even death.B story = Col. Greene’s relationship with his son, 1ST Sergeant Desmoines, and his crew.
C story = Col. Greene always under the threat of exposure, arrest and compromise from Politicians, Police,
Drug lords, and a host of questionable players from the Puzzle Works.I have outlined 11 pages of scenes and descriptions because my Pilot consists of two episodes.
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Lloyd’s Structure Problems Applied
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment was how important clear language makes for clear vision.
Mod 6: Lesson 1: Apply Structure Solutions
Act 1:
Opening/Old Ways: Reese is a man hiding behind rules and regulations. His life in the Army is all about avowing his past and his days on the streets of Brooklyn.
Inciting Incident: When several children are killed, and he loses his best soldier Reese must confront an open wound that haunts him.
Turning Point: Following the death of his Interpreter Reese sees the flaws and contradictions in the very same system that will hire an Iraqi local to help them but will not give them asylum when they need it.
Act 2:
New Plan: Reese decides to protect and pursue the asylum visa for the widow and her children. He approaches the State Department and tries to apply a hammer to a situation that would be better suited for the pen.
Plan in action: Reese and his men provide protection and help to the widow and her family at the risk of their own lives. Reese demands a visa for the widow, a plan that had no hope of succeeding.
Midpoint Turning Point: We see this approach could cost Reese and his crew everything as they are threatened with court- martial for their actions. Reese must now choose between his career and doing what is right.
Act 3:
React/Rethink: Reese now sees that seeking a Congressional sponsor and offering up Al-Sadr in exchange is his only hope of saving the family and his career. He must get the CIA, State Department, and his military command on the same page.
New Plan: Reese and his command offer Al-Sadr and his men in exchange for and SQ-1 visa for the Widow and her family.
Turning Point: After Reese threatens a CIA asset the command has told him he has 5 days to pack and go back to face court martial. He convinces his commander he can deliver Al-Sadr and presents a bold plan with he and his crew as bait.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: Reese uses disinformation and deception to lure Al-Sadr and his men into a gun battel on Haifa Street with his men and the 81<sup>st</sup> Airborne in which the winner takes all.
Resolution: Reese has now come full circle understanding the suffering of the Iraqis. He has also learned to forgive himself for the mistakes that cost his brother’s life. As The widow’s life has changed dramatically so has Reese’s. They are connected.
New Ways: Reese has now become a more complete and understanding person who sees both sides of the coin, including his father’s point of view. He is forever a better person as a result of his promise to Fazziz and her children.
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WIM Module 6, Lesson 2
Lloyd Shellenberger’s Solved Character Problems
My vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollwood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is speed writing creates weak characters that must be strengthened and layers that must be added to the process.
I will go through each character eventually and improve them.
My Title: Letters from Baghdad (Left behind)
Concept: When an Iraqi Interpreter is murdered by terrorist, SFC Reese and his men must step up and save the widow and her children from certain death.
Dramatic triangle: State Department, Military Command, Al-Sadr
Genre: Drama/Action
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This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by
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M3-Lesson 10 ASSIGNMENT
Lloyd’s Beat Sheet for Benjamin Greene Pilot Episode 1 and 2 Thou Shalt have no God before us.
What I learned doing this assignment was putting the main storylines in at the right places for the greatest
impact
Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in
Hollywood.
1. Tell us your Show Concept and Inciting Incident.CONCEPT: Col. Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin turn Special Operations Commander, and his crew are
brutally recruited into a top-secret Pentagon agency to make sure the nations secret, stay secret.Inciting Incident of Season 1: The Puzzle Works forces Col. Greene to kill a woman he is with or watch his son
die. They also threaten his son, forcing him to agree to their demands.2. List your A, B, and C Stories.
A story =Col. Greene and his crew are brutally recruited into the Puzzle Works. They must complete the
dangerous missions under the threat of exposure, even death.B story = Col. Greene’s relationship with his son, Desmoines, and his crew.
C story = Col. Greene always under the threat of exposure, arrest and compromise from Politicians, Police,
Drug lords, and a host of questionable players from the Puzzle Works.3. Present your current Beat Sheet with no dialogue.
TEASER:
INT. Drug warehouse Afghanistan – day
Bodies lie everywhere throughout the drug house as Lt. Greene and his crew load up sacks of money and
Herion.EXT. Rural road Afghanistan – day
Col. Greene’s convoy is ambushed, Greene and his men are pushed to the brink of extinction.INT. Greene’s Humvee after his has been overturned.
ACT ONE:
INT. Ft. Bragg Special Operations Command Greene’s office – dayA commotion is heard down the hall as First Sergeant Desmoines Yells at an agent loading up his car. He is
also served divorce papers by his soon-to-be ex-wife.EXT. Col. Greene’s Ft. Bragg Office – day
Desmoines is arrested for discharging a weapon. The MPs are loading him into the patrol car.INT. Ft. Bragg Brigg – day
Col. Greene retrieves his first Sergeant and signs for his release. Tells Desmoines to go home.INT. Fayetteville Bar – night
Col. Greene sits at the bar drinking with a woman when her husband and a friend enter. They harass Greene
who proceeds to almost kill them. The bartender saves them and tells Greene to leave. The women leaves
with him.EXT. Ft. Bragg NC Officer housing – night
Greene and the woman from the bar pull up to his quarters. Both are passionate and kissing outside the
house.INT. Greene and the woman enter the house. A light is on in his study, it is turned off, Greene sees this and
draws his pistol. He tells the woman to leave. She does. Greene is forced to kill woman and watch as his son
is threatened.ACT TWO
INT. Col Greene’s office – next morning
Col. Greene and his crew arrive the next day and open safe installed in office and confirmed this is real
mission.EXT. Tarmac Ft. Bragg -Night
Greene and his men board C-130 but it is stopped on Tarmac.
The MPs arrest and detain Greene and his crew.
INT. Ft. Bragg Brigg –night
Warned get in the air or his son dies. The do get in the air
EXT. Tarmac Kabul Afghanistan – dayINT. Command TOC – Day
ACT THREE
EXT. Afghanistan Rural regions – day
The convoy travels through a rural mountainous area until it arrives at a remote village that has no activity.
INT. Drug house raid – day
Dead bodies and blood are everywhere. Lt. Greene and his men load up drugs and money
EXT. Rural mountainous roads – day
Greene and his crews are ambushed, Greene and his
men are almost killed.ACT FOUR
EXT. Ft. Bragg Simmons Army Airfield ACP – night
Greene and his men drive their Humvees and equipment off the C-130
INT. Col. Greene’s office Ft. Bragg – day
Greene and his men evaluate the intel Jones has acquired.
EXT. Downtown Fayetteville NC abandoned building – night
SPC. Jones and SGT. Jones are performing surveillance on the drug operations.
ACT FIVE
EXT. Fayetteville NC warehouse – nightA raid is performed by Greene and his crew. The crew robs and kills everyone in the warehouse.
INT. Fayetteville NC warehouse-Night
Greene and his men weave their way through the isles and eliminate the drug crew one by one.
Episode 2 Tho shalt have no God before us.
Teaser
INT. Building 14 warehouse – night
Greene and his crew are going through the warehouse looking for the drugs delivered from Simmons Army
Base.The bodies of General Moseley’s men lie dead in the isles.
EXT. Warehouse Ft. Bragg NC Building 14 – night
The warehouse is in full blaze and explosions light up the night
ACT ONE
INT. Building 14 Warehouse – day
SGT. Jones Is going through bills of lading from Simmons Army Airbase Ft. Bragg NC
ACT TWO
INT. General Moseley’s quarters – day
Greene visits his old friend and realizes he set him up in Afghanistan.
EXT. General Moseley’s quarters – night
Greene follows his Friend to Building 14
ACT THREE
EXT. Fayetteville warehouse –night
A drug warehouse is raided by the local PD Col. Greene is with them.
INT. Fayetteville warehouse – night
Col. Greene kills the drug lord in charge.
ACT FOUR
EXT. Simmons Army Airbase Ft. Bragg NC –night
The last shipment from Afghanistan is highjacked by Greene and his crew
INT. Fayetteville storage – day
Greene and his men pay the clerk for the space and put a lock on the door
INT. Building Warehouse Ft. Bragg – night
SGT. Jones is threatened and tied up in the warehouse. She sends a message to Lt. Greene for help.
INT. Building 14 Ft. Bragg NC –night
Sgt. Jones is tortured and beaten.ACT FIVE
INT. Building warehouse 14 – night
Greene and his crew raid the warehouse looking for the drugs delivered from Simmons Army Base. The crew rescues SGT. Jones then kill every employee on sight.
EXT. Warehouse Ft. Bragg NC Building 14 – night
The warehouse is in full blaze and explosions light up the night Everyone is killed
INT. Fayetteville warehouse – day
Lt. Green and Desmoines stand in a vacant warehouse with a local real estate agent they are here to rent the space.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by
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Lloyd’s Setting Up The Future
What I learned from this assignment is the necessity of adding as many details and open loops and reveals to keep the plot moving forward.
New Setups added to BENJAMIN GREENE Pilot:
*The Puzzle Works forces Col. Greene to kill the women he is with or they kill his son.
*Lt. Greene’s date is murdered and Lt. Greene is framed to force his compliance.
*The Puzzle works has been watching Col. Greene for a long time. How and why?
*The Crew has been compromised by the Puzzle Works into compliance.
*First Sergeant Desmoines personal and financial life has collapsed.
*The Puzzle works demand for compliance at the cost of Col. Greene’s son.
* Did the Puzzle Works kill Col. Greene’s wife?
* The power the Puzzle Works displays when they kill everyone in the bar and burn it down.
* The money is untraceable and in sequences that the Treasury hasn’t even sequenced into yet. The money is not suppose to exist?
* The technology they use for the safe and cyber security is at the highest level and unbreakable.
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Lloyd’s adding empathy and distress. BWTV Module 3 Lesson 8
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is to up the stakes and keep going. I get to ruin and destroy my character’s lives and take them to the brink of disaster and back. Fun! The audience will love it too.
A. Crucible The first mission to Iraq forces Greene to kill American Soldiers caught up in the drug trade. This is the way Puzzle Works does business and so does Col. Greene now. He may be a killer but killing his own isn’t in his nature!
B. Betrayal Lt. Greene and Desmoines take the drugs and cash from the Afghanistan raid and the Fayetteville raid and hide it from Col. Greene.
C. Forced Decision Col. Greene must kill the woman he is with or PW Agents will kill his son and force Greene to watch remotely.
D. Hurt those they love: Lt. Greene has an addictive personality that the drug trade will not mesh with. Col. Greene will eventually be forced to save him over the first season. Col. Greene never wanted his on involved with “The Business”
E. Emotional Dilemma Col Greene must get the mission in the air within 24 hours or the Puzzle Works will kill his entire crew including his son.
F. Exposed Col. Greene’s past as an assassin is hinted at and shown the night he is recruited.
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences Col. Greene is against taking the drugs and reselling them as the drug world is violent and cut-throat. There will be future consequences for doing it. The Puzzle works wants the drug trade on the East Coast exposed. The drugs are bait.
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
Undeserved misfortune Did Col. Greene’s wife die of natural causes or was she killed by the Puzzle Works to bring him back into the Fold. Den scene Col. Greene is given choice of the women or his son’s life. They film the murder.
External character conflicts: Puzzle Works agents following his son and Sgt. Jones. They are evil and murderous.
Plot intruding on life Col. Greene intended to retire within the next year but the Puzzle Works took away his retirement and financial plans.
Plans that failed Retirement and swearing off the CIA are now out the window.
Witnessing the pain of others. Col. Greene watches as a woman that is with Lt. Greene and Sgt. Jones is murdered as a Message to him.
Extreme consequences Col. Greene and Lt. Greene have now been framed for murder and Lt. Greene’s life is always under threat from the Puzzle Works.
Major loss: Col. Greene’s freedom to ride off into the sunset is now gone. Things have gone from bad to worse. Col. Greene must wait for his opening and outsmart the Puzzle Works.
Brings their wound present. The loss of his wife and the broken promise to her is too much to bear. Killing and innocent woman is also not in his nature.
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Lloyd Shellenberger Mysteries and open loops
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is to put as much open loops and mystery to build upon future episodes.
Benjamin Greene Episode One: Thou shalt have no Gods before me!
Teaser: Col. Greene and his crew are ambushed by the Taliban and Americans on their first mission back to Afghanistan.
ACT ONE:
Intriguing World: Espionage and murder
(MM) Intrigue: Col. Greene why was he recruited. What is his past that they have watched and admired so closely?
(MOL) Mystery: who is the Puzzle works? Who runs it. Where do they get their money?
(SOL) Secret Identity: Col. Greene never admits he was a former CIA Assassin Will his son find out?
(MOL) Wound: Col. Greene is still reeling from the sudden death of his wife two months prior.
Act 1 Episode one:
(MM) Col. Greene is forcefully recruited into a secret organization called The Puzzle Works. He is forced to protect his son.
(SOL) First Sergeant Desmoines is facing certain divorce and financial devastation so this is an opportunity to grab some cash for a rainy day.
ACT TWO:
(MOL) Intriguing World: No rules, kill or be killed. Why are they shutting down the military drug trade? Who is ultimately behind the money and drugs? CIA Military Intel?
(MOL) Intrigue: Will Col. Greene complete the mission? What happens to the money and drugs the crew steals? Will someone come for it?
(SM) Mystery: Who killed the woman Col. Greene was with? Will they frame him for it? How did the Puzzle works burn down the bar and everyone in it and make it look like an accident?
Mystery: Who set up Greene and his crew for an ambush?
(MM) Deception: Desmoines and Lt. Greene steal the cash and drugs during the raid in Afghanistan. The escort Greene had to the safehouse turned on him.
(MM) Secret Identity: Col. Greene is a former CIA Assassin. A fact he hides from his son.
Wound: Col. Greene didn’t keep his promise of leaving that world behind to his dying wife.
Act 2 TP: When the crew kills Americans and Taliban involved with the supply of Hereon and Opium then steal the money and drugs, they have crossed over into an area they cannot return from.
ACT THREE:
(MOL) Intriguing World: The Ft. Bragg life and the secrets that exist in a Special Operations Command are top secret and dangerous. The Puzzle Works puts every team member in a compromising position by the nature of the assignments. The truth can never come to the light of day.
(SOL) Intrigue: Who is Lt. Greene? He is supposed to be his father’s conscience and trusted ward but he is compromised and undisciplined.
(MOL) Mystery: Will the crew uncover the whole drug network and what happens when Col. Greene finds out the (MOL) ringleader is a trusted colleague?
(MM) Secret: Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines decide to go into the drug business together despite the dangers and the moral conflict. They do not tell Col. Greene.
(SM) Secret Identity: Desmoines and Jones have a history on the streets. Both were gang members growing up.
(SM) Strange Behavior: Lt. Greene is too quick to grab the heroine and Opium. Desmoines is left with no choice since his retirement is probably gone with his ex-wife. He is opposed to drugs.
(MOL) Act 3 TP: When Desmoines and Lt. Greene identify the drug players and raid their warehouse it is equivalent to stirring up a nest of hornets. The killings were a result of Greene and Desmoines contacting them to move the product. The lords were unwilling to deal with them. At the end of Season one it almost cost them their lives and sends Col Greene on a killing spree.
ACT FOUR:
(MOL) Intriguing World: warehouse at Ft. Bragg and downtown Fayetteville, NC as well as the back alleys and dimly lit streets of both.
(OL) Intrigue: How does Spec. Jones know what to do and who to talk to? Jones will face his former life and the death of a store clerk.
(SM) Mystery: where’s the Puzzle Works during all this?
(SM) Deception: Col. Greene hides the fact he already has a mole in the warehouse. She is also running interference for the crew.
Conspiracy: drug dealer traps
(SM) Secret Identity: The Chaplain and the Assassin
(OL) Strange Behavior: Jones has been known to disappear for days. Where does she go? Is she a danger to the operations and the crew?
(SM) Accusation: Agent Stockton believes the crew is behind the murders at a local warehouse, but he cannot prove it. He is new to the case and is very good at what he does. He believes he is looking for novice drug dealers that will make more mistakes.
(MM) Act 4 TP: Desmoines and Lt. Greene move the dope. The pay day is huge. Col. Greene becomes suspicious about the source of the income. (OL) DEA. He confronts them both but allows them to keep it and devises a plan for deniability.
ACT FIVE:
Intriguing World: Building 14 Logistics Command, General Mosely.
(OL) Intrigue: how/why did he become a supplier for the local drug lords and the Eastern Seaboard. He used military resources to pull it off.
(OL) Mystery: where’s General Mosley and how can they connect him to the source?
(SM) Secret: General Mosely’s crew served under Col. Greene in Afghanistan.
(SM) Deception: It was General Mosely that tried to stop the transport from leaving the Tarmac.
(SM) Wound: General Mosely is bitter about his retirement and the amount he will receive. For a lifetime of service, it is not enough.
(MOL)Strange Behavior: The Puzzle works has warned Col. Greene no one is to be left alive as a witness from Mosely’s crew. Greene is reluctant to agree to that. He believes Mosely is innocent. (MOL) Greene knows every person he kills eats a little more at his humanity?
(SM) Act 5 TP: The mole is in place to get the operations and info on the warehouse. We leave the audience with a sense that something big is coming.
Benjamin Greene Episode Two: Thou shalt have no Gods before me!
(MM) Teaser: A Ft. Bragg warehouse is fully ablaze as Greene and his crew pull out of the back of the warehouse in a GSA van.
ACT ONE:
Intriguing World: Building 14 Logistics Command, General Mosely
(SM) Intrigue: The last of the Shipments arrives at Pope Air force base. Mosely and his men are aware of the fact their suppliers have been eliminated.
(SL) Mystery: How will they respond and can Sgt. Jones keep them misinformed long enough for Col. Greene to step in.
(SM) Secret Identity: General Mosely is known in drug circles as “The Commandant”.
(SM) Wound: Col. Greene feels betrayed that the culprit behind the tarmac incident is General Mosely.
ACT TWO:
(MM) Intriguing World: She has also accessed the Pope AFB personnel records and finds clues that tell her which flights to target. The operations have been extensive over the years.
(SM)Intrigue: Our mole has planted herself deep into the warehouse operations. Sgt. Jones is an Intel Officer who has served in the Pentagons. She is very resourceful.
Mystery: where’s General Mosley and how can they connect him to the source ? We still haven’t seen Mosely. There is still no proof.
(SM) Deception: Jones must canvass the warehouse workers and not get caught.
(MOL) Secret Identity: Jones is either a puzzle works agent or FBI so this may be Col. Greene’s first and last mission.
(SM) Wound: Jones’s mother was murdered by a drug dealer; she was raped by the same man. He later came up missing.
(SM) Act 2 TP: Sgt. Jones finds out when and where the last shipment comes into Pope AB. She informs Col. Greene and his crew.
ACT THREE:
(MM) Intriguing World: Pope AFB, a shipment arrives. Warehouse workers load the crates into a GSA van and exit the airport.
(SOL)Intrigue: What will happen to the workers and the shipment.
(SM) Mystery: Col. Greene and his crew dress as local gang members and rob the soldiers of the shipment.
(SOL) Secret: The full shipment has already been offered for sale by the Chaplain and his crew.
(MOL) Secret Identity: Lt. Greene and Desmoines who have already jumped the gun.
(MOL) Strange Behavior: Both men have not told Col. Greene what they have done. How will Col. Greene react to this betrayal?
(SOL) Act 3 TP: When Desmoines kills one of the Soldiers it is on camera. Will this come back to haunt him?
ACT FOUR:
(MM) Intriguing World: General Mosely is informed of the drug raids in Afghanistan and the raid on his shipment at Pope AFB. He is told it was a rival gang that is believed responsible for the theft. Mosely sets up a meeting and discovers the problem is from within.
(MM) Intrigue: Millions in cash and dope from Pope are seized and handed over to a DEA agent under Col. Greene’s watchful eye. Lt. Greene and Desmoines cannot meet their agreement. Will Stockton be thwarted?
(MOL) Mystery: Why is he handing it over? Too protect his son or plausible deniability.
(MM) Deception: Greene does not tell the DEA where the drugs are coming from. He uses a fake CID badge to justify his investigation.
(SM) Conspiracy: Mosely Orders a hit and Greene and his crew but he is unsuccessful.
Secret Identity: Col. Greene and Sgt. Jones are the primary targets.
(SM) Strange Behavior: Col. Greene stops by to see his old friend and chat he realizes everything is true.
(MOL) Accusation: Agent Stockton believes the crew is behind the murders at a local warehouse, but he cannot prove it. Will he get Col. Greene?
(MM) Act 4 TP: Desmoines and Lt. Greene move the dope from Afghanistan. The pay day is huge. Col. Greene becomes suspicious about the source of the income.
ACT FIVE:
Intriguing World: Building 14 Ft. Bragg warehouse Night operations.
(MM) Intrigue: Col. Greene is invited to the warehouse by General Mosely. He knows it is a setup, but he goes anyway.
(SOL)) Mystery: Will Mosely kill him or invite him into the business?
(MOL) Secret: Col. Greene set up surveillance throughout the warehouse. He plans to kill the whole crew including Mosely and burn the warehouse and evidence to the ground. Will he do it?
(SM) Deception: It has been SGT. Jones who has been setting up the transports and arranging the drops. Mosely has no Idea she was a mole. When he discovers she is the mole itis too late.
(SM) Wound: Greene trusted Mosely but he cannot let him live. He was betrayed when Mosely tries to kill him.
(MOL) Strange Behavior: The Puzzle works has warned Col. Greene no one is to be left alive a as witness from Mosely’s crew. Greene is reluctant to agree to that, but he must save his son. Is this how Puzzle Works does business in the future?
(MM) Act 5 TP: The warehouse is burned to the ground and the news reflects a terrible fire that claimed the lives of several Soldiers. As the warehouse burns Greene and crew drive out of the warehouse with a GSA van. They have killed the crew and stolen the cash. There is no turning back. The crew is locked in.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by
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<header>
Lloyd Shellenberger Stacks Intrigue
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is to put as much into the hidden mysteries to make the episode pop.
Benjamin Greene Episode One: Thou shalt have no Gods before me!
ACT ONE:
Intriguing World: Espionage and murder
Intrigue: Col. Greene why was he recruited. What is his past that they have watched and admired so closely?
Mystery: who is the Puzzle works? Who runs it. Where do they get their money?
Secret Identity: Col. Greene never admits he was a former CIA Assassin
Wound: Col. Greene is still reeling from the sudden death of his wife two months prior.
Teaser: Col. Greene and his crew are ambushed by the Taliban and Americans on their first mission back to Afghanistan.
Act 1 Episode one: Col. Greene is forcefully recruited into a secret organization called The Puzzle Works. He is forced to protect his son. First Sergeant Desmoines is facing certain divorce and financial devastation so this is an opportunity to grab some cash for a rainy day.
ACT TWO:
Intriguing World: No rules, kill or be killed. Why are they shutting down the military drug trade? Who is ultimately behind the money and drugs? CIA Military Intel?
Intrigue: Will Col. Greene complete the mission? What happens to the money and drugs the crew steals? Will someone come for it?
Mystery: who killed the woman Col. Greene was with ? Will they frame him for it? How did the Puzzle works burn down the bar and everyone in it and make it look like an accident?
Mystery: Who set up Greene and his crew for an ambush?
Deception: Desmoines and Lt. Greene steal the cash and drugs during the raid in Afghanistan. The escort Greene had to the safehouse turned on him.
Secret Identity: Col. Greene is a former CIA Assassin. A fact he hides from his son.
Wound: Col. Greene didn’t keep his promise of leaving that world behind to his dying wife.
Act 2 TP: When the crew kills Americans and Taliban involved with the supply of Hereon and Opium then steal the money and drugs, they have crossed over into an area they cannot return from.
ACT THREE:
Intriguing World: The Ft. Bragg life and the secrets that exist in a Special Operations Command are top secret and dangerous. The Puzzle Works puts every team member in a compromising position by the nature of the assignments. The truth can never come to the light of day.
Intrigue: Who is Lt. Greene? He is supposed to be his father’s conscience and trusted ward but he is compromised and undisciplined.
Mystery: Will the crew uncover the whole drug network and what happens when Col. Greene finds out the ring leader is a trusted colleague?
Secret: Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines decide to go into the drug business together despite the dangers and the moral conflict. They do not tell Col. Greene.
Secret Identity: Desmoines and Jones have a history on the streets. Both were gang members growing up.
Strange Behavior: Lt. Greene is too quick to grab the heroine and Opium. Desmoines is left with no choice since his retirement is probably gone with his ex-wife. He is apposed to drugs.
Act 3 TP: When Desmoines and Lt. Greene identify the drug players and raid their warehouse it is equivalent to stirring up a nest of hornets. The killings were a result of Greene and Desmoines contacting them to move the product. The lords were unwilling to deal with them.
ACT FOUR:
Intriguing World: warehouse at Ft. Bragg and downtown Fayetteville, NC as well as the back alleys and dimly lit streets of both.
Intrigue: How does Spec. Jones know what to do and who to talk to?
Mystery: where’s the Puzzle Works during all this?
Deception: Col. Greene hides the fact he already has a mole in the warehouse. She is also running interference for the crew.
Conspiracy: drug dealer traps
Secret Identity: The Chaplain and the Assassin
Strange Behavior: Jones has been known to disappear for days. Where does she go?
Accusation: Agent Stockton believes the crew is behind the murders at a local warehouse but he cannot prove it. He is new to the case and is very good at what he does. He believes he is looking for novice drug dealers that will make more mistakes.
Act 4 TP: Desmoines and Lt. Greene move the dope. The pay day is huge. Col. Greene becomes suspicious about the source of the income. He confronts them both but allows them to keep it and devises a plan for deniability.
ACT FIVE:
Intriguing World: Building 14 Logistics Command, General Mosely.
Intrigue: how/why did he become a supplier for the local drug lords and the Eastern Seaboard. He used military resources to pull it off.
Mystery: where’s General Mosley and how can they connect him to the source ?
Secret: General Mosely’s crew served under Col. Greene in Afghanistan.
Deception: It was General Mosely that tried to stop the transport from leaving the Tarmac.
Wound: General Greene is bitter about his retirement and the amount he will receive. For a lifetime of service it is not enough.
Strange Behavior: The Puzzle works has warned Col. Greene no one is to be left alive as a witness from Mosely’s crew. Greene is reluctant to agree to that. He believes Mosely is innocent.
Act 5 TP: The mole is in place to get the operations and info on the warehouse. We leave the audience with a sense that something big is coming.
Benjamin Greene Episode Two: Thou shalt have no Gods before me!
Teaser: A Ft. Bragg warehouse is fully ablaze as Greene and his crew pull out of the back of the warehouse in a GSA van.
<header>
ACT ONE:
Intriguing World: Building 14 Logistics Command, General Mosely
Intrigue: The last of the Shipments have arrived at the Pope Air force base. Mosely and his men are now on to the fact their supplier has been eliminated.
Mystery: How will they respond and can Sgt. Jones keep them misinformed long enough for Col. Greene to step in.
Secret Identity: General Mosely is known in drug circles as “The Commandant”.
Wound: Col. Greene feels betrayed that the culprit behind the tarmac incident is General Mosely.
ACT TWO:
Intriguing World: She has also accessed the Pope AFB personnel records and finds clues that tell her which flights to target. The operations have been extensive over the years.
Intrigue: Our mole has planted herself deep into the warehouse operations. Sgt. Jones is an Intel Officer who has served in the Pentagons. She is very resourceful.
Mystery: where’s General Mosley and how can they connect him to the source ? We still haven’t seen Mosely? There is still no proof.
<font face=”inherit”>Deception: Ones must </font>deceive<font face=”inherit”> the warehouse workers and not get caught snooping around.</font>
Secret Identity: Jones either a puzzle works agent or FBI so this may be Col. Greene’s first and last mission.
Wound: Jones’s mother was murdered by a drug dealer and she was raped by the same man. He later came up missing.
Act 2 TP: Sgt. Jones finds out when and where the last shipment comes into Pope AB. She informs Col. Greene and his crew.
ACT THREE:
Intriguing World: Pope AFB day a shipment arrives. Warehouse workers load the crates into a GSA van and exit the airport.
Intrigue: What will happen to the workers and the shipment.
Mystery: Col. Greene and his crew dress as local gang members and rob the soldiers of the shipment.
Secret: The full shipment has already been offered for sale by the Chaplain and his crew.
Secret Identity: This is Lt. Greene and Desmoines who have already jumped the gun.
Strange Behavior: Both men have not told Col. Greene what they have done.
Act 3 TP: When Desmoines kills one of the Soldiers it is on camera.
ACT FOUR:
Intriguing World: General Mosely is informed of the drug raids in Afghanistan and the raid on his shipment at Pope AFB. He is told it was a rival gang that is believed responsible for the theft. Mosely sets up a meeting and discovers the problem is from within.
Intrigue: Millions in cash and dope are seized and handed over to a DEA agent under Col. Greene’s watchful eye.
Mystery: Why is he handing it over? Too protect his son or plausible deniability.
Deception: Greene does not tell the DEA where is came from and he is using fake CID credentials to justify his investigation.
Conspiracy: Mosely Orders a hit and Greene and his crew but he is unsuccessful.
Secret Identity: Col. Greene and Sgt. Jones are targeted.
Strange Behavior: Col. Greene stops by to see his old friend and chat he realizes everything is true.
Accusation: Agent Stockton believes the crew is behind the murders at a local warehouse but he cannot prove it.
Act 4 TP: Desmoines and Lt. Greene move the dope. The pay day is huge. Col. Greene becomes suspicious about the source of the income.
ACT FIVE:
Intriguing World: Building 14 Ft. Bragg warehouse Night operations
Intrigue: Col. Greene is invited to the warehouse by General Mosely. He knows it is a setup but he goes anyway.
Mystery: Will Mosely kill him or invite him into the business?
Secret: Col. Greene set up surveillance throughout the warehouse. He plans to kill the whole crew including Mosely and burn the warehouse and evidence to the ground.
Deception: It has been SGT. Jones who has been setting up the transports and arranging the drops. Mosely has no Idea she is a mole.
Wound: Greene trusted Mosely but he cannot let him live. He is betrayed when Mosely tries to kill him.
Strange Behavior: The Puzzle works has warned Col. Greene no one is to be left alive a as witness from Mosely’s crew. Greene is reluctant to agree to that but he must to save his son.
Act 5 TP: The warehouse is burned to the ground and the news reflects a terrible fire that claimed the lives of several Soldiers. As the warehouse burns Greene and crew drive out of the warehouse with a GSA van. They have killed the crew and stolen the cash. There is no turning back.
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Module 3 Lesson
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment: This is a giant puzzle that I need to assemble piece by piece.
BENJAMIN GREENE PILOT FIRST DRAFT OUTLINE:
Episode one:
TEASER:
Col. Greene and his men are ambushed in Afghanistan while on a top-secret drug interdiction mission.
Turning Point: Reese and his men return with the money and drug they seized in Afghanistan. The allure of cold hard cash is hard to deny.
ACT ONE:
Col. Greene beginning: Working in Ft. Bragg office he must stop First Sergeant Desmoine from shooting a process server.
Desmoines beginning: We reveal he is going through a divorce and he’s broke. Col. Greene has influence over him.
Lt. Greene’s beginning: Lt. Greene is the unit IO officer and his father’s conscience.
Act One/Col. Greene’s Turning Point: The woman he is with is killed by the Puzzle Works. He is forced to work for the Puzzle Works or they kill his son.
ACT TWO:
Lt. Greene’s Turning Point: He returns to the office the next day to discover orders and black bag money with his father.
Desmoine’s Midpoint: While counting the money he realizes his financial problems may be solved.
Lt. Greene’s Turning Point: He wants to do the Afghanistan mission to prove to his father he can handle it. He doesn’t yet realize this involves murder and deceit.
ACT THREE:
Col Greene’s Midpoint: He boards the C-150, committing to the mission. Once he does, he can never go back.
Lt. Greene’s Midpoint: Once Greene has accepted the mission, his military career may be in jeopardy, but the money is too much to walk away from.
<font face=”inherit”>Desmoine’s Turning Point 2: He understands that once he boards the plane with the crew his military career and retirement are in </font>jeopardy<font face=”inherit”> as well, but he commits to it also. </font>
ACT FOUR:
Col. Greene’s Turning Point 2: By killing the soldiers and Afghan farmers Greene has stepped over a line of no return.
Lt. Greene’s Turning Point 2: Stealing the money and drugs during the raid in Afghanistan is the point of no return.
Desmoine’s Dilemma: Stealing the money and drugs during the raid in Afghanistan is the point of no return. He despises drugs and dealers.
Col. Greene’s Dilemma: He must protect his son from the Puzzle Works and break a promise to his dead wife. Is he back in the game?
Lt. Greene’s Dilemma: By agreeing to this new lifestyle, he understands the military, his father and everything around him will change. Does he want that or just a military retirement. This mission almost killed him and his father.
Col. Greene’s Major Conflict: can’t provide deniability for his son and protect him. The missions and dangerous and illegal often times.
ACT FIVE:
Col. Greene’s Major Conflict: Realizes the traitor who sold him out is none other that an old friend General Mosely who he must now kill.
Lt. Greene’s Major Conflict: He doesn’t want his father to kill Mosely but he realizes he has no choice. He also cannot resist the money and power that drugs bring.
Desmoines Major Conflict: He must decide to betray Col. Greene by taking the drugs from Afghanistan and selling them or destroying them.
Col. Greene’s Ending: Col. Greene must now shatter and destroy old alliances and create new ones that fit into this new world. Can he?
Lt. Greene’s Ending: He has decided to pursue the drugs and cash the illegal drug trade offers behind his father’s back with Desmoine’s.
Desmoine’s Ending: A man facing bankruptcy and ruin must now sell drugs and steal money with Lt. Greene behind Col. Greene’s back. This is everything he is not.
Working on Episode 2 Outline.
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Module 3 Lesson 5
Lloyd’s Layers and Reveals
What I learned from this assignment is that setting up reveals early will add to the intrigue later.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result i do become the best writer in Hollwood.
For my pilot I have built in several clues that will lead to huge reveals. The Puzzle Works murdered Col. Greene’s wife to bring him back into the fold. Desmoines is going through a divorce and is broke. Lt. Greene is prone to addictions and unfaithful. The Puzzle Works is a brutal and powerful organization that kills the woman Greene was with in the first act, but They cover it up in a bar fire.
I added character “covers” such as SGT. Jones being an Agent either for the Puzzle Works or the FBI. SPC. Jones committed murder before he joined the Army. The Puzzle Works can make that go away. The first episodes set up a relationship with Greene’s crew and the DEA. The first episode is designed to create more questions than answers.
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Module3 Lesson 4
Lloyd’s Pilot Structure
Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment was how to structure the Pilot to bring the most drama and Intrigue possible.
1. First draft of two pilot episodes.
Teaser:
Essence: Reese and his men are ambushed in Afghanistan after shutting down a drug supplier’s business.
Turning Point: Reese and his men survive but they realize they were set up by someone on the inside.
Act 1:
Essence: We go from a normal day at the office of Col. Greene and his crew with several reveals in the opener to the same night as Col. Greene is forcibly recruited into the Puzzle Works in order to save his son.
Act 2:
Essence: Col. Greene and his crew return to the Ft. Bragg office the next day to confirm the Puzzle Works has indeed assigned them a mission they must complete or die.
Act 3: Reese and his men are wheels up to Afghanistan to cut of the supply of Opium and Herion to Ft. Bragg.
Essence: Devon returns to Towers, finds love of his life murdered and daughter, Esme, missing
Turning Point: Greene and his men leave no one alive they are ambushed and forced to kill rogue American soldiers on the take.
Act 4:
Essence: Reese and his men return to Ft. Bragg only to realize the drug kingpin was only a doorstep away.
Turning Point: Col. Greene and his crew discover Brigadier General Mosely is the mastermind behind the Ft. Bragg operations using military resources and the dead of night to pull it off.
Act 5:
Essence: Reese plants a mole who give him the intel he needs to form a plan.
Lock In: Reese is ordered to remove all trace of the operation and these players but make it look like and accident.
Teaser Episode two.
Teaser:
Essence: The plan is complete. The warehouse explodes in a mysterious fire killing everyone in it.
Turning Point: They are now locked into the Puzzle Works agenda there can be no turning back after Murder and theft.
Act 1:
Essence: Reese and his crew tail Mosely and his crew to warehouses in downtown Fayetteville gathering intel.
Act 2:
Essence: Reese orders his crew to hit a drug warehouse leaving behind clues this was a rival drug lords hit. Lt. Greene and Desmoines head up the operation. Greene and Desmoines become greedy and rob their victims not telling the Col. of their intentions.
Act 3:
Essence: Reese is contacted by an Agent Stockton concerning the deaths of the local drug lords. Greene visits the local police Chief who agrees to give him top cover against Agent Stockton.
Turning Point: In a coordinated hit Greene, the local Fayetteville Police and hired thugs hit the drug house in one night.
Act 4:
Essence: Reese and his men return to Ft. Bragg and hit the warehouse killing Mosley and his crew. Lt. Greene and Desmoines steal the cash and drugs not telling Col. Greene.
Turning Point: This final act of murder and theft cements the first season and the intent of Lt. Greene and Frist Sergeant Desmoines. Their intent is completely opposite of what Col. Greene and the Puzzle Works wanted. The reveal later is this was all a setup to help the DEA bring down the East Coast Drug lords.
Act 5:
Essence: Reese and his men present themselves as the new suppliers of Opium and Herion on the East Coast
Lock In: Agent Stockton is hot on their heels knowing they killed the drug workers and stole the cash and drugs. He is relentless but Greene and his crew cannot go back.
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M3-Lesson 1 ASSIGNMENT
Lloyd’s Big Picture Components
What I learned doing this assignment is how to narrow down and focus my big-picture ideas into smaller and more specific bullet points
SERIES INFO:
World: The world of Intrigue, danger and spies. The Puzzle Works is a world where betrayal and murder are just a normal way of doing business.
Main mystery: Who are the Puzzle Works and why did they recruit Col. Greene and his crew?
Impossible Goal: The crew must find a way to complete the missions and stay alive and out of jail.
Main Conflict: Col. Greene’s promise to his dying wife to leave “The Agency” and protect his son from the threat of death.
Second Mystery: Who is Sgt. Diedra Jones? Is she a Puzzle Works mole or an FBI Agent? What other roadblocks exist that could land the crew in jail?
Season 1 Arc: Lt. Greene’s struggle with Drug and sexual addiction that could cost him and the crew everything. Col. Greene must navigate the dangerous waters of the Puzzle Works while trying to protect and save his son. Col. Greene’s humanity is often questionable at best. He does the right things for all the wrong reasons.
Season 1 Protagonist Internal Journey: Col. Greene must face his demons and his past while maintaining a front for the Puzzle Works. He learns how to do this while developing an escape plan for his crew and himself.
PILOT INFO:
Pilot Conflict: The Crew must accept a mission that places them in a compromising position. The crew realizes the drug trade was right outside their door the whole time. Old alliances are broken, new ones are formed.
Characters Introduced: Col. Benjamin Greene/Commander/Protagonist. Lt. Brian Greene/Tech Officer/Son, First Sergeant Willaim Demoines/Second in Command, Spc. Allan Jones/Unit Armorer, Sgt. Diedra Jones/Intell Officer 35M
Inciting Incident of Season 1: Col. Greene must work for an off the books rogue agency that has no rules or accountability to save his son and First Sergeant from certain death. He also must be at the top of his game and his alcoholic issues long enough to do the job.
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WIM Module 5, Lesson 13
Lloyd Shellenberger Continuing Act 4
My vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I continually write bad scenes in favor of speed. I can only trust the process and hope that the final phase will clean up the junk.
I am looking at as an opportunity to make my screenplay better.
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WIM Module 5 lesson 12 Starting Act four
Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is the need to watch and learn the direction the script is going. To me it often seems to have a mind of its own.
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WIM Module 5, Lesson 10
Lloyd Shellenberger Continuing Act 3
My vision Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I missed or put scenes in an improper order which created logic and linear problems. My outline needs to be more comprehensive and on point.
I added or rearranged several scenes since they were not in correct order or inaccurate A detailed outline is king!!!
I see all these mistakes as chance to learn and become better.
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WIM] Lesson 9: Start Act 3! 6 – 10 Pages.
Lloyd Shellenberger Began Act 3
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result, I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I am learning is the speedwriting process minus the word-smithing. I finished act two today and I am starting on Act three.
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Lloyd Shellenberger
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer In Hollywood
Writing 6-10 pages most of it pretty bad but we will fix that.
Learning to trust the process
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Lloyd Shellenberger working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
Finished act two
Busy writing crap can’t wait to wordsmith and stop being captain obvious lol
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This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by
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Lloyd Shellenberger
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
What I learned is to write the scene and move on to the next step
Halfway through act two must pick up pace and stay away from the perfection models
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Lloyd Shellenberger Visually Appealing Bible
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this lesson was how to put pictures and text together in Word and what to put together.
Module 2 – Lesson 12: Creating Beautiful TV Bibles
EXCHANGE FEEDBACK
I am looking for others who would like to exchange feedback. Please e-mail me at lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com
I will need the Title, Genre, Concept. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Lloyd Shellenberger
747-210-1983 Cell
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Lloyd’s Amazing Inciting Incident
What I learned from this assignment is… I am not sure I am trying to structure this and struggling through it I must admit LOL!
1. What is the “Inciting Incident” of my series?
That is how Col. Benjamin Greene is recruited into the puzzle works and the mission they are given that seems unsolvable.
Col. Benjamin Greene must work for an off- grid Pentagon agency in order to save his son and crew from certain death. He steady decline is temporarily halted after the sudden death of his wife to fulfil his missions.
2. Give us the main beats of that Inciting Incident:
Intriguing Concept: The Puzzle works is a shadowy agency that has a reach into every facet of Greene’s life and Army Career. He must complete their missions or face the certain death of his son.
Act 1: Col. Greene comes home from a late night of binging to discover Puzzle works Agents waiting for him at his Ft. Bragg home. They kill the women he is with and threaten his son if he does not comply.
Midpoint: Reese and his crew arrive at the office the next day to discover a safe and clock were installed overnight.
Lock In: Reese and his men accept the mission and board a C-150 headed to Afghanistan where the must end the drug flow. The mission has begun.
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Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment was how to take the character descriptions and redid them according to the exercise. I still have alot to learn to get this right lol
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WIM Module 5, Lesson 4
Lloyd Shellenberger Next Act 1 Scenes
My vision: Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
Today, I completed Act one and started on Act two. I find I missed a-lot in the opening outline and I am forced to add scenes but I am keeping the wordiness to a minimal. I was warned not to write a novel.
Will post more as I go along.
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Module 5 Lesson 3: High Speed Writing
Lloyd Shellenberger: Letters from Baghdad
Vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
Vision: What I learned doing this assignment was: I worked on pushing through the first scene and did not word smith which I am proud of myself for doing
State/activity: I’m going to be great at the high-speed writing model.
The first act is written with a few adjustments on my rough draft.
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Lloyd’s High Speed Writing Rules
One Sentence Vision: Working hard to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood!
What I learned from this assignment is…How to ignore the compulsion to make the scene perfect and move on to the next scene. I also discovered I missed quite a bit in my first draft!
How the process went: <font face=”inherit”>I am not the fastest writer and I tend to get bogged down on details </font>which<font face=”inherit”> takes away from the bigger picture. I am trying to get away from that very bad habit!</font>
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Lloyd’s First Scene
One Sentence Vision: Working hard to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is…. Trying not to wordsmith. I want to soooo badly!
I have already finished my first scene and I am halfway through completing my first act. No wordsmithing. I am vowing not to do it. Keep moving forward to get the scenes on paper first!
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Sent out and revised my outline from notes thanks to Lenore. She is working on an incredible project I think will be amazing. Best of luck Lenore!
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Lloyd Shellenberger
BWTV Module 2 Lesson 10: Riveting Episode Titles
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is another way to hook a producers interest.
These are the current titles I have and the episode description have been purposely removed as this is about the titles not the episode descriptions.
SEASON ONE:Episode 1:
Season Opener Pilot-Continued
Thou Shalt have no God before me!
Thou Shalt have no God before me! Part Two
Episode 2:
Thou Shalt have no God before me! Part 3
Episode 3
Thou Shalt have no God before me!
My brother’s keeper
Episode 4
The dead of night!
Episode 5
The Patsy
Episode 6
The Banker.
Episode 7
The spy that stayed for dinner.
Episode 8
The entrepreneur
Episode 9
Payback is a bitch!
Episode 10 Cliffhanger
SEASON TWO:
The Informant.
Episode 1
The Saint
Episode 2
The Attaché
Episode 3
The Attaché-Continued
Episode 4
The Butcher
Episode 5
The Butcher Continued
Episode 6
Oppie
Episode 7
Oppie-Continued
Room 39
Episode 8
Room 39-Continued
Episode 9
The Courier-Part 1
Episode 10 Season Finale
SEASON 3:
The Courier Part 2
Season 3 Opener
We’ve packed your bags for you.
Episode 2
The Militia Part 1
Episode 3
The Militia Part 2
Episode 4
My Digital signature is not real, sorry!
Episode 5
A Matter of service
Episode 6
Merrill Lynch my ass
Episode 7
You have been Psyop’d.
Episode 8
All in Black and White
Episode 9
Episode 10 Cliff Hanger
SEASON 4:
Give me your best shot!
Episode 1
Brother can you spare a dime?
Episode 2
The Bogota Dozen.
Episode 3
The Devil is back.
Episode 4
The Marine.
Episode 5
A friend indeed
Barrels of cash.
Episode 6
In her memory Part-1
Episode 7
In her memory Part-2.
Episode 8
The Influentials.
Episode 9
Forever my lover!
Episode 10 Cliffhanger
SEASON 5:
For my beloved
Episode 1
We’re back! Part one
Episode 2
We’re back! Part two
Episode 3
The Executioner
Episode 4
Operation Kill Castro
Episode 5
The Raid
Episode 6
The King has fallen.
All good things must end.
Episode 7
My Special Agent
Episode 8
The Saint-Continued
Episode 9.
The Greatest lie ever told.
Final Episode 10 Series End!
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Lloyd Shellenberger M2 Lesson 7
Working Hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What i Learned from this assigment is hard work pays off.
TITLE: BENJAMIN GREENE
GENRE: ACTION DRAMA
HIGH CONCEPT:
Col. Benjamin Greene, former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander, is brutally recruited into a top-secret Pentagon agency whose whole mission is make sure our nation’s secrets stay secrets.
INTRIGUING CONCEPT AND WORLD OF BENJAMIN GREENE
Intriguing Concept and World of Benjamin Greene.
High Concept to incorporate into pitch:
Col. Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander, is recruited into a world of intrigue and murder by a highly secretive Pentagon agency.
A. Engaging and highly pro-active hero.
Col. Greene is a former Assassin and career Special Operations Soldier with training and real-world knowledge.
B. Up against a major conflict…
Still reeling from the sudden death of his wife he is at the most vulnerable time in his life while trying to protect his son from the Puzzle Works.
C. Col. Greene’s Transformational journey will spiral into a world of alcohol and murder as his humanity fades. His son tries to be his conscience but unfortunately his son has leveraged his soul as well.
D. The world of the Puzzle works is filled with Puzzle Works agents, money, murderers, assassins, Analyst, police, politicians, FBI agents, and spies. All these elements conspire to stop or control Col. Greene and his crew.
2. This is the Special Operations world tinged with the Espionage world. It operates outside the confines of a military post and could take our crew anywhere.
Unique Sub-World: The rules are killed or be killed. No-one can be trusted and Black bag money flows like water. Nothing is as it appears, nothing!
Previously unexplored: This agency is off the books and funded by Black bag money that doesn’t exist and agents that don’t exist. It is very hard for Col. Greene and his crew to protect themselves when they never really know who the enemy is.
The unknown: Everyone is an agent, and no one tells the truth. Each mission could be the final setup or betrayal. Will the Black suits help you or kill you?
The unseen: There are agendas and rules that govern this world, but they are never spoken. Col. Greene navigates them because nobody is better than him at reading the tea leaves. FBI Investigation. Drug lords plan to keep their territories or take them back.
Unheard of Dangers: Murder is often the stock and trade while betrayal is the buzzword of the day. Will the local police chief go after Col. Greene and his crew? How far behind is Agent Stockton?
Reason to explore it: There is unlimited free money in this world. The Black bag money never stops flowing. For people like Col. Greene, First Sergeant Desmoines, this is a place to become rich. SPC. Jones sees it as a place to hide.
Hook 1:
What if a retired CIA assassin were brought into the agency to cover up the biggest government gaffs that could bring down the whole house?
Hook 2:
How does Col. Greene and his crew escape once they realize, their is no retirement in this field?
Hook 3. What if everything they believed about the Puzzle Works and Col. Greene is wrong, then who are they really?
Hook 4. Betrayal becomes the order of the day, no one is immune to it, not even father and son.
Hook 5: Nothing is as it seems, nothing!
Hook 6: How does a Special Operations Commander and former CIA Assassin navigate the dangerous underworld of The Puzzle Works?
SHOW SUMMARY
The series begins as Col. Benjamin Greene, former CIA assassin, is recruited into the Puzzle Works; a top-secret Pentagon agency that makes sure secrets stay secrets. From the beginning we see the Puzzle Works and Col. Greene are perfectly suited for each other. They are both brutal and merciless. The first episode sets up the entire show as the crew goes to Afghanistan to shut down the opium suppliers. While in country, Col. Greene’s crew are ambushed, they survive. When Col. Greene wakes up from a coma, he realizes who set him up. The head of the Ft. Bragg cartel is none other than his former colleague and friend, Major General Edwin Mosley, whom he served in Afghanistan with. After Col. Greene disposes of General Mosley and his crew in a mysterious warehouse fire Lt. Greene, his son, poses as a drug lord. He became an informant and dealer for the DEA and the Local P.D. but the audience didn’t know it. Despite all this activity, many high-profile cases pass through the Puzzle Works that need Col. Greene’s expertise. The Pentagon would prefer the mission’s targets to disappear. Throughout the series we never see or meet Puzzle Works agents.
Substantial amounts of Black Bag money are always involved. Greene and his crew are skeptical at first, but when they board a C-150 to Afghanistan the scenario suddenly becomes very real. Over the course of several seasons the crew faces multiple challenges and risks to complete dangerous missions after missions.
At the end of five seasons Col. Greene and his crew have become the targets of drug lords, ruthless FBI agents, politicians, and even the Puzzle Works themselves. The Final season culminates in Col. Greene exposing the Puzzle Works and leaving that world behind forever.
Compelling Character Descriptions
Protagonist/Lead Col. Benjamin Greene, is a former CIA assassin, current Special Operations Commander, recruited by a top-secret Pentagon Agency into a world of murder and intrigue. He is a middle-aged man who is true patriot but wants to retire. Instead, he must make life and death decisions every day. He can be described as a ruthless, merciless killer with a heart. A true anti-hero. He is a competent, knowledgeable, born leader. Spent time in the Middle East with First Sergeant Desmoines.
Following the sudden death of his beloved wife, he doesn’t care anymore. He promised his wife he would leave the agency and coming back eats away at him. He likes his drinking and can be a bit of a mean drunk. He is also a master at reading the room and cheating death. His one redeeming quality is his love for his son Brian, who is also in his unit. His contacts and the people he knows are long and impressive. His dislike of the Puzzle Works, his ruthless nature, along with a desire to amass wealth on his way out is an indicator his time is running short. With his dying breath he would protect his son. His triggers are disloyalty, dishonesty, and those who threaten his son.
Protagonist/Lead Lt. Brian Green, is an aid to the Commander and a unit 35 Fox (Intel) and 37Fox (Pysop) Specialist and IT officer with two tours in Afghanistan under his belt. He often doubles as his Father’s keeper. Brian is in competition with other soldiers for his father’s attention and acceptance. Following the death of his mother he has watched his father struggle emotionally. He himself wants to stay true to his mother’s memory but the job won’t let him.
As the first season progresses, Lt. Greene does things that are against his good nature. His father’s brutality is also a trigger for him as well. He is bagging Black ops money and stealing from drug lords. He has an exit plan. Lt. Greene’s ability to outthink others around him is his coping mechanism. Agent Stockton is doing everything he can to turn him but so far, he has been unsuccessful. In the end, does Lt. Greene set up Agent Stockton or does he betray his father?
By the end of the fifth season his fall from grace has been dramatic and sad. He is a sex addict who often puts himself in dangerous situations. He is no longer a good man, instead he is the very definition of a hypocrite. His hope to cultivate a great Army career is dead. The Puzzle Works may have ended that. His fear is he may have to turn on his father or go to jail. Like his father he is a true patriot even though the Puzzle Works has tainted his time in the military.
Protagonist First Sergeant William Desmoines, 2<sup>nd</sup> in command, 50 YO, Black. He is a tough kid who grew up in Brooklyn. Former Golden Gloves champion. Joined the military at 18 to get out of the neighborhood and has never returned. Became a Green Beret and Special Operations soldier at 22. Served several tours with Col. Greene. They know each other well. Col. Greene trusts and respects him completely. During the first season he has partnered with Lt. Green to sell drugs, rob dealers and steal black bag money. We feel bad for him, he has worked his entire life, but he is being pulled back into the fray. William wonders if he can do this anymore. Selling drugs was never in his wheelhouse until now. Desmoines harbors anger, resentment, and frustration over his career and financial status. He is a born leader, second in command and always in control. At the end of the third season, he conspires with Col. Greene to fake his death. The entire first season he has been deceiving Col. Greene about what he is doing with Lt. Greene. This creates a moral dilemma with him as well. He plans to disappear when he has saved enough money to fund his getaway. His triggers are disloyalty and dishonesty. His career choices are in direct Conflict with his core beliefs. The 12<sup>th</sup> hour is approaching and he sees the writing on the wall.
FBI Agent Lena Rodriguez, 35 YO, Hispanic, tough persona. She is a former New Yorker who works out of the FBI’s DC Field Office. Lena is well connected and often gets the undercover cases most agents cannot handle. She becomes Col. Greene’s love interest in season two and a close confidant. She is aware of the Puzzle Works and doesn’t like them In San Palo she saves Col. Greene from the riot in the San palo prison and partners up with him to nail a pedophile Diplomatic Attaché. She is fearless, tough, and more than a match for Col. Greene. She is fiercely loyal to those she cares about and a good person to the core. She knows of Agent Stockton and doesn’t like him. She has a side of her that isn’t above bending the rules to get the results, Spent 6 years in the Marine Crops.
Unit Intel NCO SGT Deidra Jones, 30 YO, Black. She grew up poor in Atlanta. She was the victim of rape by a family member. That person later came up missing. Sgt. Jones may be the spoiler alert in the crew. She is an undercover agent, Lt. Greene’s love interest and the most dangerous person in the mix. She is methodical and brilliant.
Unit Armorer- PFC Allan Jones, 30 YO, Black. He is the most compromised and best avenue of approach for Agent Stockton to exploit. He is a good kid that made a bad mistake, and he has never left it behind. He was involved with the murder of a store clerk when he was younger. He grew up on the streets of Philadelphia as a gang member.
FBI Agent Darren Stockton, 40 YO White. He is relentless and smart. He sees every angle, every avenue and knows how to take anyone down that dark road. He is also not what he appears to be. Col. Greene is always looking in his rear-view mirror for him. This is the antagonist who is every bit as capable as Col. Greene.
Environment Characters: The FBI, Police, Politicians, gang members, agents all play their part but are pawns in a larger scheme they are caught up in. Col. Greene uses them pawns on a chess board with impressive skill.
1-5 Season Cliffhangers and season openers
SEASON ONE:
Episode 1:
Season Opener Pilot
Thou Shalt have no God before me!
Col. Benjamin Greene sits in a bar in Fayetteville, NC. Having a drink with a local woman. Her redneck husband saunters in and starts trouble. When Greene has had enough, he beats him so badly the bartender draws down on him to stop him. The woman goes home with Greene, a choice she will regret later. When Col. Greene arrives home, he is greeted by The Puzzle Works, a top-secret Pentagon agency. The Agents brutally kill the woman he is with and tell him “Thou shalt have no God before me.” Col. Greene is told to go to his office the next day and more clues will be waiting. If he does not his son will die.
Thou Shalt have no God before me! Part 2
Episode 2:
Col. Greene
On his first deadly mission, he and his crew receive orders from the rogue agency to end the drug pipeline from Afghanistan to Ft. Bragg. Col. Greene and his crew are stopped on the tar mac while trying to leave. They are put back on the plane 24 hours later. The crew finds out the drug world has nestled in closer than they would have preferred.
Thou Shalt have no God before me! Part 3
Episode 3
Thou Shalt have no God before me!
While Greene is recovering in a Fort Bragg hospital, he realizes he was set up by someone on the inside. Greene realizes that the leak was from an old and trusted friend, Commanding General, Edwin Mosley, with whom he served with in Afghanistan. He is behind the trafficking! The drugs are distributed from a Fort Bragg warehouse and distributed from there to the East Coast. Col. Greene and his crew set the operation ablaze along with everyone involved. The headlines read “Ft. Bragg warehouse burns to the ground with 7 casualties including the Commanding General”!
Episode 10 Cliffhanger
Lt. Greene and the Chaplain are viewed as uninvited guests in the drug world. Local drug Lords decide to teach “The Chaplain” and his crew a lesson. Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines are ambushed and critically wounded. Several of the crew are killed. Agent Stockton sees his opportunity to put Col. Greene away forever.
SEASON TWO:
The Informant.
Episode 1
For the first time we see the entire operation run by Lt. Greene and Desmoines was a ruse authorized by the local police chief and the DEA. Lt. Greene worked as an informant during this time and provided invaluable intel. As a result, drug cartels on the east coast fall. For Col. Greene, this is of little solace as they almost killed his son and the First Sergeant. Col Greene targets the Drug Lords for death. One by one they come up missing.
<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>The Courier-Part 1
Episode 10 Season Finale
When a Psychological Operations courier is murdered traveling from Bothel, Washington to Rome Georgia, Col. Greene and his crew pose as undercover CID agents. Col. Greene discovers the agent was carrying top-secret documents about the drug interdiction program in Columbia that would turn Washingtons world upside down. These same documents also reveal the names and identities of the 4th POG, and CIA agents. Col. Greene and his crew must locate the documents before it is too late. The clock’s ticking and secrets are about to be revealed.
SEASON 3:
The Courier Part 2
Season 3 Opener
Col. Greene suspects this was a contract killing and believes a community of ex-Iraqi patriots may hold the key. When Col. Greene digs deeper, he realizes a sleeper cell of Iraqi terrorists are behind the killing. A bounty of fifty thousand dollars was placed on the Special Operations Soldier’s head. Col. Greene and his crew trace the documents to a sleeper cell. They must eliminate the witnesses so no one can tell the story.
Episode 10 Cliff Hanger
In the season’s final episode, the walls are closing in for the crew. First Sergeant Desmoines decides it is time for a curtain call. In an extraordinary chain of events Desmoines dies at sea just hours before Stockton plans to arrest him. Agent Stockton is not buying it.
SEASON 4:
Give me your best shot!
Episode 1
Agent Stockton investigates Desmoines murder and finds evidence that he may not have died. He brings in Col. Greene and tries to lean on him only to see how cool of a customer Greene really is. In the end, Stockton is forced to abandon his search and release Col. Greene.
<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Forever my lover!
Episode 10 Cliffhanger
SGT. Jones is brutally murdered on the Streets of Fayetteville, NC in a drive by shooting that doesn’t add up. Lt. Greene finds evidence to the contrary and digs deeper. The gang members and rogue police were involved. He extracts vengeance in a way that would make his father proud.
SEASON 5:
For my beloved
Episode 1
Lt. Greene and SPC. Jones sets out to make those responsible for the death of SGT. Jones pay but what they find at the bottom of the rabbit hole may not be what they wanted. There was an unknown player in the mix with deep pockets. He tracks down PW agents and finds out it wasn’t them. He confronts his father, he denies it.
We’re back! Part one
<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>The Greatest lie ever told.
Final Episode 10 Series End!
Congresswomen Janice Carden is a lifelong friend of Greene and his wife. She is also the head of Puzzle Works. She ordered Col. Greene’s wife to be killed to draw him back into the game. Col. Greene, First Sergeant Desmoines, Lt. Greene, SPC Jones, Agent Rodriguez, and Agent Stockton sit around a table playing high stakes poker when she walks in. She is surprised. She realizes this was a setup. Greene tells her he knew from the first time he investigated the hacking case. Only a Congresswoman on the Intel Committee could have that high of a clearance. The level of security clearance was a dead giveaway. That is why they could never trace it back to her office. Sgt. Jones also told him before he killed her. He forces her at gunpoint to sit and watch them play for millions of dollars. He taunts her by telling her this is her money. Col. Greene asks the crew what we should do about her? She threatens them. He tells her they quit; you can leave now. She takes her cue and leaves. A second later we hear a loud explosion, people screaming and a car burning on the streets. Col. Green says, “I’ll call.” Lt. Greene responds, “damn it was just getting interesting”.
Five Season Description for Benjamin Greene
Col. Benjamin Greene, a former CIA Assassin, turned Special Operations Commander and his crew are viciously recruited into a top-secret Pentagon program called the Puzzle Works. The Puzzle Works eliminates potentially embarrassing problems for the US Government and the Military at all costs. From the very beginning we see how “The Puzzle Works” and Benjamin Greene are perfectly suited for one another. They are both brutal and merciless. The season begins with Col. Greene drinking himself into oblivion at a local bar in Fayetteville, NC. With a beautiful blonde. It is less than two months since he suddenly lost his wife to a heart attack. The bar is quiet and peaceful until a local redneck enters and harasses Greene and the women he is with. It turns out, it is the man’s wife. After tolerating the loud and obnoxious antics of the man for a little while, he finally silences him. The bartender draws down on Col. Greene before he kills the redneck. Col. Greene leaves with the woman on his arm. A decision she would later regret. They drive to his house only to find the Puzzle Works waiting for him. The Agent behind Col. Greene’s desk kills the woman he is with and tells him “Thou shalt have no Gods before them.” You now work for us. They also told him a safe and clock were installed in his office and an envelope waits on his desk. Col Greene is shown a video of his son dancing at a local club. It is a warning. The next morning, he goes to his office on Ft. Bragg and opens the safe based upon the riddle in the envelope. The riddle reads “tic-Tok, baker’s lot, your neighbor’s lot, the cancer amongst you must be stopped.” With a new lord and master giving the orders, Col. Greene and his crew are off to Afghanistan on their first drug interdiction mission. While in Afghanistan Col. Greene is ambushed and injured. He returns to Ft. Bragg and solves the riddle that leads to General Edwin Moseley, Ft. Bragg’s director of logistics and the drug lord of Fayetteville, NC. The following year these missions came fast and furious for Greene and his crew. The Black Bag money flows like wine as well. During this year they are involved with hostage rescues, soldier reassignment and exile, along with a variety of drug and gang interdictions in Philadelphia and Fayetteville, NC. All this prompts Col. Greene, Lt. Greene, and his First Sergeant Desmoines to embezzle part of the Black Bag money used in the funding of the missions. There is an end game to this, and they want to be ready. Also, during this year Col. Greene and his crew find some unlikely allies and friends among police and politicians that support his covert agenda. One of those supporters is the Fayetteville police Chief and the DEA. Unfortunately, this puts Lt. Greene squarely in the sights of the local drug kingpins who decide Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines must die. Will Deville, the local drug lord, ambushes Lt. Greene and Desmoines, but they survive. Season twos opener finds Col. Greene in vengeance mode as he decides those responsible for shooting his son and First Sergeant must pay with their lives. Col. Greene leaves a trail of bodies in his wake obvious enough for FBI Agent Darren Stockton to follow. Darren Stockton’s philosophy is simple; The battlefield belongs to the military, but the streets belong to him. Agent Stockton is brilliant and ruthless. He misses nothing. It doesn’t escape his watchful gaze that Lt. Greene is now compromised and decides the best way to get Col. Greene is through his son. This begins a three-year campaign to turn Lt. Greene into a reliable informant. Another avenue for Agent Stockton is SPC. Allan Jones, the unit’s armorer. SPC. Jones was a former Philadelphia gang member who participated in the shooting and killing of a liquor store clerk. Agent Stockton is the best at exploiting mistakes, he never misses a chance to do so with Col. Greene’s crew. As season two progresses and the mission to bury secrets becomes more difficult. Lt. Greene continues to date SGT. Jones, a clear violation of military protocol. SGT. Deidra Jones is much more than an Intel officer with impeccable sources, she may be an FBI or a Puzzle Works agent. Season two introduces Col. Greene’s love interest, undercover FBI Agent Lena Rodriguez. They hook up while they are in San Palo, Brazil. She helps Col. Green and his crew stop a Diplomatic attaché, who is a pedophile and child trafficker. While the attaché sits safely in prison the crew devise a plan to send Col. Greene in to get him. Once he is in, a plan is hatched and executed. Now the crew must get him out. The Season three cliffhanger finds First Sergeant faking his own death just hours before his arrest by Agent Stockton. Agent Stockton is not buying it despite evidence to the contrary. He leans hard on Col. Greene and the crew to give him up but has nothing and he must let Col. Greene go. Col. Greene and his crew navigate through the waters of bribery, corruption, and murder the rest of the year. Agent Stockton arrest Lt. Green only to find out the DEA has shut down most of the east coast operations with the help of Lt. Greene as an informant. Season threes and Season fours travels to the 4<sup>th</sup> POG in Bogota, Columbia. When a Psychological Operations courier is killed, we discover he carried information that could change the way the public views our involvement in South America. Col. Greene and his crew must retrieve the top-secret documents before they published. This episode is also the season four opener for The Puzzle Works as well. Col. Green and his crew discover there is an active terrorist cell from Iraq operating in the US. He and his crew must also find and neutralize the cell. Over the course of Season Four Col. Greene becomes more distrustful of SGT. Jones and decides she must go. She is now engaged to his son, but she may be feeding the FBI or Puzzle Works information since they are one step ahead of the crew. This is the crux of the season and the conflict Col. Greene faces. Should he kill her or use her as an information and disinformation source? Throughout the entire season there is a delicate balance between what he tells his son and whether it will get back to SGT. Jones. SPC Jones has grown as a soldier and has become Col. Greene’s biggest asset since he can no longer convey information to his son and his First Sergeant is dead. He knows Agent Stockton is trying to turn him and he has documented the money SPC. Jones has paid him. The walls are closing in on Col. Greene and each mission presents a challenge for Col. Greene to keep it clean and leave nothing behind. The cliffhanger for season four is the murder of SGT. Jones. This is a devastating loss and appears to be the work of someone outside the crew, but we look closer we see that is not the case. Season five’s opener finds Lt. Greene challenging his father. He suspects his father had something to do with her death, it was the Puzzle Works. Lt. Greene blames his father for her death. He discovers his father’s past as a CIA assassin. He knows it never would have happened if he had not become involved with the Agency. As season five progresses the missions have become more dangerous. They leave little wiggle room for Col. Greene’s crew to protect themselves. The Puzzle Works now sees Col. Greene and his crew as liabilities, and they are hanging them out to dry. Lt. Greene sees this and begs his father to walk away but the Puzzle works. The continue threaten to kill his son and Agent Rodriguez. In an act of retaliation, Agent Stockton tries to kill Agent Rodriguez and blames it on Col. Greene. Episode eight foretells the end. Agent Stockton issues a warrant for Col. Greene and his crew. The Crew has decided the time has come to disband and get rid of Agent Stockton. Agent Stockton follows Lt. Greene to Col. Greene’s doorstep in Trinidad. Col Greene draws out two Puzzle works agents and executes them on film. This is his retaliation for his wife. In the video he tells the Puzzle Works crew The took everything now he will take everything from them. Finally, the ultimate betrayal is from his wayward son. Lt. Greene has changed in this series from a good man to his father. He is a hypocrite who is no better. Lt. Greene turns over video and documents of Stockton’s dirty deals to the FBI. Agent Stockton’s career is over. Stockton retaliates and tries to kill Col. Greene. Agent Stockton is killed by Col. Greene in a shootout in Trinidad. Due to overwhelming evidence that Stockton was dirty, the FBI is persuaded to let the death of Agent Stockton go or everything he did will become public knowledge. Season five’s finale leaves open loops that allow for more seasons with Lt. Greene as the possible commander. It can simply end there as well.
Additional open loops include:
Col. Greene and Agent Rodriguez faking their own deaths.
Lt. Greene knew SGT. Jones was an agent but she helped them out of a dislike for Stockton.
Stockton was a dirty agent who also Conspired with Col. Greene
We confirm that the First Sergeant is alive and well in Trinidad.
There are over thirty open loops in this series and layers that go two to three layers deep.
THE END
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Module 2 Lesson 9
Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
What I learned from this assignment is how to brainstorm episodic ideas and put them together like a puzzle.
SEASON 1EPISODE PILOT AND CLIFFHANGER
SEASON ONE:
Episode 1:
Season Opener Pilot
Thou Shalt have no God before me!
Col. Benjamin Greene sits in a bar in Fayetteville, NC. Having a drink with a local woman. Her redneck husband saunters in and starts trouble. When Greene has had enough, he beats him so badly the bartender draws down on him to stop him. The woman goes home with Greene, a choice she will regret later. When Col. Greene arrives home, he is greeted by The Puzzle Works, a top-secret Pentagon agency. The Agents brutally kill the woman he is with and tell him “Thou shalt have no God before me.” Col. Greene is told to go to his office the next day and more clues will be waiting. If he does not his son will die.
Thou Shalt have no God before me! Part 2
Episode 2:
Col. Greene
On his first deadly mission, he and his crew receive orders from the rogue agency to end the drug pipeline from Afghanistan to Ft. Bragg. Col. Greene and his crew are stopped on the tar mac while trying to leave. They are put back on the plane 24 hours later. The crew finds out the drug world has nestled in closer than they would have preferred.
Thou Shalt have no God before me! Part 3
Episode 3
Thou Shalt have no God before me!
While Greene is recovering in a Fort Bragg hospital, he realizes he was set up by someone on the inside. Greene realizes that the leak was from an old and trusted friend, Commanding General, Edwin Mosley, with whom he served with in Afghanistan. He is behind the trafficking! The drugs are distributed from a Fort Bragg warehouse and distributed from there to the East Coast. Col. Greene and his crew set the operation ablaze along with everyone involved. The headlines read “Ft. Bragg warehouse burns to the ground with 7 casualties including the Commanding General”!
My brother’s keeper
Episode 4
The unit armorer, SPC. Allan Jones family has become the target of a gang leader from Philly. The local gang boss hatches a plan to kill his little brother and threaten his family forcing him to hand over M-16 and M-4 weapons. Col. Greene finds out about it and decides to protect SPC. Jones. Col. Greene and his crew prime the streets of Philly for a gang war the local thugs wish they had never started!
The dead of night!
Episode 5
After the successful rescue of several “Oil workers” in Venezuela, the crew is tasked to dispose of the captors once they are of no use. Ironically, extraditing the prisoners would give away the identity of the hostages. The crew smuggles the prisoners out of the country in the dead of night and makes sure they are never seen again.
The Patsy
Episode 6
A Special Operations soldier raids a Taliban village in Afghanistan, killing every male in it. After the soldier is arrested, the Army faces a very public and messy trial. Before the media can find out the full truth, The Crew must make sure the true story is never told. Col. Greene decides to help him rather than dispose of him. Greene realizes the soldier did exactly what the brass ordered him to do.
The Banker.
Episode 7
Col. Greene’s crew delivers $434 Million in off the books cash to Iraq. Later, millions of dollars are missing. Was the money stolen by American soldiers? The Crew is asked to get that money back and teach the thieves a painful lesson. When the money is returned, Greene and the Crew don’t exact the justice demanded by the Puzzle Works. The crew returns the money and walks away from the mission.
The spy that stayed for dinner.
Episode 8
The Crew takes over an Iraqi Radio, and TV station formally under the control of ISIS and hands it over to the Lincoln Group. During the takeover, Col. Greene suspects there is an Al-Quida mole and sets out to uncover him. The mole may have stolen and laundered valuable radio equipment. Also, the current broadcast is Iraqi propaganda that is not sanctioned.
The entrepreneur
Episode 9
Nothing is as it seems in the drug trade. Early in season one, the crew raided a drug warehouse on Ft. Bragg. They seized drugs and cash and went into business for themselves. Lt. Greene and the First Sergeant AKA “The Chaplain,” sent shock waves up and down the East coast drug world following the change of management. Following anonymous tips, various drug house locations are raided.
Payback
Episode 10 Cliffhanger
Lt. Greene and the Chaplain are viewed as uninvited guests in the drug world. Local drug Lords decide to teach “The Chaplain” and his crew a lesson. Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines are ambushed and critically wounded. Several of the crew are killed. Agent Stockton sees his opportunity to put Col. Greene away forever.
Additional open loops include:
Col. Greene and Agent Rodriguez faking their own deaths.
Lt. Greene knew SGT. Jones was an agent but she helped them out of a dislike for Stockton.
Stockton was a dirty agent who also Conspired with Col. Greene
We confirm that the First Sergeant is alive and well in Trinidad.
There are over thirty open loops in this series and layers that go two to three layers deep.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by
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Season one Episode one The Puzzle Works Formally known Benjamin Greene
Not in my house!
Benjamin Greene is brutally recruited into the Puzzle Works. On his first deadly mission, he and his crew receive orders from the rogue agency to end the drug pipeline from Afghanistan to Ft. Bragg using any means necessary. Col. Greene and his crew are stopped on the tar mac while trying to leave. They are put back on the plane 24 hours later. The crew find out the the drug world has nestled in closer than they would have preferred.
Episode 2
Not In my house!-continued
Greene is recovering in a Fort Bragg hospital. He wakes up and realizes he was set up. What’s more, he realizes that the leak was from Fort Bragg! He and his crew find out Commanding General, Edwin Mosley, who he served with in Afghanistan is behind the trafficking. It is being done from a warehouse in Fort Bragg and being distributed on the East Coast. The illegal operation suddenly and literally goes up in a blaze of glory!
My brothers keeper
Episode 3
The unit armorer, SPC. Allan Jones who’s family is becomes the target of gang leader from Philly. The local gang boss hatches a plan to kill his little brother and threaten his family to force him to hand over the units M-16 and M-4 gun stock. Col. Greene finds out about it and decides to protect SPC. Jones. The Crew primes the streets of Philly for a gang war the local thugs wish they had never started!
The dead of night!
Episode 4
After the successful rescue attempt of several “Oil workers” the crew is tasked to dispose of their captors once they are no longer of use. Ironically, extraditing the prisoners would give away the true identity of the “Oil Workers”. The crew is forced to take the prisoners out of Venezuela in the dead of night and make sure they are never seen again.
The Patsy
Episode 5
A Special operations soldier is recruited to covertly raid a Taliban village in Afghanistan. After the soldier is arrested, he faces a very public and messy trial. Before the media can find out the full truth, The Crew must make sure the true story never sees the light of day. Col. Greene likes the soldier and decides to help him rather than kill him, because he realizes the soldier did exactly what he would have done and he was ordered to do it.
The Banker.
Episode 6
After the crew delivers $434 Million in cash to Iraq, it comes up missing in the State Department books. Some of the cash was stolen by Iraqi soldiers but the crew is having none of it and is tasked to get that money back and teach them a painful lesson. In the end, the Crew doesn’t exact the justice demanded by the Puzzle Works and walks away from the mission after retrieving the money.
The spy that stayed for dinner.
Episode 7
The Crew takes over a Baccuba Radio and TV station formally under the control of ISIS and hands it over to the Lincoln Group to broadcast Iraqi propaganda. During the takeover, Col. Greene suspects an Al-Quida mole and sets out to uncover him.
We’ve packed your bags for you.
Episode 8
Local gangs in Greens-Borough, NC outside of Fort Bragg are killing American solders and terrorizing neighborhoods. The Pentagon and the locals are tired of it. The local police chief contacts The Crew and asks them to fix it. Col. Greene Initially denies the request but the Puzzle Works green lights the project and the game is afoot.
The entrepreneur
Episode 9
Nothing is as it seems in the drug trade. Early in Season One the crew raided the drug warehouse on Ft. Bragg. They killed the drug crew and decided to go into business for themselves or it would appear that way. The fruits or that labor cannot go unrewarded as Lt. Greene and First Sergeant AKA “The Chaplain” send shock waves up and down the East coast drug world.
Cliffhanger end of Season 1
Payback
Episode 10
A new player in the drug world is not an invited guest and the local bad guys decide to teach The Chaplin and his crew a lesson. In an ambush Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines are critically wounded. Several of his crew are killed. Agent Stockton is right there and ready to take the entire operation down.
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Lloyd Shellenberger Episode Descriptions Mod 2 Lesson 6: Opening Summary that sells the season.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best
writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is how to assemble a bible that is interesting and binge worthy.
Season one Summary The Puzzle Works formally known as Benjamin Greene.
Season one of the Puzzle Works starts out with Col. Greene being forcefully recruited into the Puzzle Works. The Puzzle Works is a top secret Pentagon agency that makes sure embarrassing revelations never make the press or the light of day. From the very beginning we see how the Puzzle Works and Col. Benjamin Greene are perfectly suited for each other. They are both brutal and merciless. The season opens up with Col. Greene drinking himself into oblivion in a bar after the death of his wife months ago. A husband is abusing his wife and Col. Greene steps in. Why? He stepped in because the loud mouthed bumpkin was disturbing his drinking time not because he was abusing his wife. Throughout the whole series we see Col. Greene do the right thing for all the wrong reasons and this right up his alley. Col. Greene beats the man so badly the bartender must draw down on him to stop him.
Col. Greene leaves with the wife and go to his Ft. Bragg quarters only to be greeted by Puzzle Works agents. They kill the women and warn him “Thou hast no Gods before me”. This ominous meaning takes on new meaning when we discover Col. Greene was a former CIA assassin who left the agency for his wife. Col. is told a safe is now in his office Col. Greene defiantly ask what happens if he doesn’t? Do you know where your son is Col? He is sent a video of his son in a club dancing with his girlfriend Sgt. Deidra Jones. The women he is with is murdered and removed while Greene is told to go to his office the next morning. “You should never drink and drive Col., we need your command, remember that”. Col. Greene calls his son after the agents leave and asks him where he is at. He is at a club with Jones. The Black suits were there!
The next morning Col. Greene, Lt. Greene, First Sergeant Desmoines arrive at the office and find a safe in a corner where there was no safe before. and and the combination in the envelope reads “Tic Toc, Bakers clock, on your neighbors block, these are the villains you must chop” and you have until tomorrow afternoon to retrieve your orders and begin your mission. Col. Greene solves the riddle, which is 12-13-14 and retrieves a set of orders with no name on them and two bags of cash called the Black Bags. One bag contains Afghanistan currency while the second one contains American Dollars.
The first episode sets up the entire season as the crew goes to Afghanistan kills the growers. Unfortunately, while in Afghanistan Col. Greene and his crew are ambushed in Afghanistan but they survive. Col Greene wakes up from a coma and realizes who set him up. The head of the Ft. Bragg cartel is none other than his former colleague and friend Major General Edwin Mosley whom he serve in Afghanistan with. After Col Greene disposes General Mosley and his crew he cooks up a plan for revenge. He poses as a drug lord, while becoming an informant and dealer for the DEA and the Local PD. They agree to work with him and his crew.
Despite all this activity, several high profile cases pass through the Pentagon that need Col. Greene’s expertise. The pentagon would prefer they disappear go away forever with no hope of resurrection.
Each time these cases are assigned through orders found in Col Greene’s office. we never really see or meet the Puzzle Works agents and large amounts of Black Bag money are always involved. At first they do not believe this to be real until they have competed their first mission, when they are put on a C-150 and their targets are painted for them. This suddenly becomes very real and believable.
Over the course of the season Col. Greene and his crew become the targets of local drug lords and a ruthless FBI agent name Darren Stockton. The season culminates in the attempted murder of Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines. The survived, but will the drug lords survive the wrath of a father scorned?
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Lloyd Shellenberger
[Binge Worthy TV] Mod 2 Lesson 3: Easy Way to Five Seasons
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this exercise is an easier way to create a 5 season show arc and mainframe to build my characters and the show upon.
Season 1: Exploring more Dangerous ground. Bigger Mystery.
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. After Col. Greene and his crew are brought into the Puzzle works family, they quickly find a world of illegal drugs, black bag money, and murder.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: The honest and dangerous world of Special Operations just went from bad to worse, now Col. Greene is shot and almost killed on his first mission. He also must betray an old friend who ordered the hit.
C. Main Conflict: Dealing in drugs is a thorn in the Lt. Greene’s side. They must Reconcile what the Puzzle Works wants with what’s right. Col. Greene and his crew end the illegal drug trade by General Mosley. Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines take it over.
Gang members and drug lords have painted a target on the Puzzle works crew. The moral compass of the crew is being distorted badly.
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops: The local Police Chief has been helping them and getting a kickback. Can Col. Greene save his son and get him out? Will the Puzzle Works protect or turn on the crew? Will the crew be able to leave this lifestyle behind? Will Col. Greene’s secret be discovered?
E. Cliffhanger: Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines are shot and wounded by rival drug lords. Does the Puzzle Works execute the drug lords?
Cliffhanger: Col. Greene
Major Layer or reveal: They intend to shut it down once all the players in the local and regional area are exposed, arrested, or killed. They have been pocketing the money for the distribution. Bigger Mystery They are informants for the PD.
Season 2: Bigger Conflict. Major Layer Exposed. Bigger Opponent.
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. The past of several characters has shown up to haunt them including Col. Greene and SPC Jones.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: The past that Col. Greene and SPC. Jones has come back to haunt them and their enemies are not backing off. Agent Stockton is using this to his advantage.
C. Main Conflict: Agent Stockton is coming after Col. Greene full throttle as the missions are done and the body count rises. He uses the crew’s vulnerabilities to do this.
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops: Can Col. Greene save SPC Jones or will Agent Stockton use his past to turn him? Will he put Lt. Greene behind bars or turn him also? Will Col. Greenes son find our about his father’s past? Will Col. Greene cut a deal with Agent Stockton?
E. Cliffhanger: SPC Jones is arrested for murder.
Season 3: Bigger Opponents. Bigger Conflict. Bigger arena for the fight
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. The main concept for this season is The crew appears to do their job well while killing Black Suits and stealing Black Bag money.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: As the missions progress we see members of the crew who have set aside plans to leave the agency. Will they be able to leave or will the become a liability to the Puzzle Works?
C. Main Conflict: The Puzzle Works is not what it appears to be in the end it is still just another rogue agency that is manipulative and secretive. For Col. Greene and his crew, it is becoming harder and harder to reconcile that fact.
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops: Col Greene believes it was the Black Suits that shot his son. Lt. Greene must heal in secrecy. First Sergeant Desmoines stages his own death. Can he pull it off?
E. Cliffhanger: Lt. Greene is shot and injured in the season finale while Col. Greene takes revenge on those responsible.
Season 4: Bigger Conflict. Exploring more dangerous ground. Bigger Opponent, the PW.
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. Col. Greene and his crew decide they must eliminate the moles and agents after them.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: From Season 1 up to now, the bodies and evidence have piled up and the end of the road is in sight. Black Suit are ending up dead around the crew and the Puzzle Works is figuring out these casualties are not the cost of doing business but signs of betrayal. Black Bag money is disappearing as well.
C. Main Conflict: The Puzzle Works is beginning to see the crew as a liability so they must fix the problem or jettison them.
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops: Agent Stockton arrests Col. Greene. Can he make it stick? Can First Sergeant Desmoines remain hidden or does he return.
E. Cliffhanger: SGT. Jones is killed by Col. Greene. Lt. Greene suspects it wasn’t an accident. Will he find the truth? Does Agent Stockton finally get Col. Greene? SGT. Jones cannot testify since she is dead.
Season 5: Betrayal. Bigger Conflict. Final Conflict. Great Deception. Major Layer Exposed.
A. High Concept or major hook of the season. Col. Greene and his son are trying to leave the Puzzle Works and the Army without being killed or arrested.
B. Big Picture Season Arc/Journey: As with everything in life, timing is everything. Col. Greene, Lt. Greene, and SPC. Jones know it is time to get out. Everything they do is geared toward an exit plan. Agent Stockton has revealed his true colors since time is running out. Agent Stockton is bribing the crew. He also has plans to kill them off one by one to eliminate witnesses.
C. Main Conflict: Agent Stockton has now closed in and plans to recharge Col. Greene until we find out he is dirty. He arrest Lt. Greene instead and offers him a deal. Lt. Greene and SPC Jones decide Agent Stockton must die before they end up in prison themselves.
D. Main Mystery/Open Loops: Does Stockton keep Lt. Greene in jail or does he take the financial parachute and disappear? Why does Lt. Greene kill his father? Is it in retaliation to SGT. Jones? Is it a way of liberating him and letting him move on?
E. Cliffhanger: In the end Lt. Jones convinces the drug bosses the new kingpin is Agent Stockton and sets him up to be killed by the Drug Lords.
Lt. Greene kills his father after he agrees to testify against him or did he?
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Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this exercise is how to connect previous season cliffhangers to next season episode openers.
Lloyd Shellenberger
WBWTV Module 2 Lesson 4 Generating episode Ideas
PILOT Opener for:
THE PUZZLE WORKS
Note this is my new working title that could change.
Not in my house!
Benjamin Greene is brutally recruited into the Puzzle Works. On his first deadly mission, he and his crew receive orders from the rogue agency to end the drug pipeline from Afghanistan to Ft. Bragg using any means necessary. Col. Greene and his crew are stopped on the tar mac while trying to leave. They are put back on the plane 24 hours later. The crew find out the the drug world has nestled in closer than they would have preferred.
Episode 2
Not In my house-continued
Greene is recovering in a Fort Bragg hospital. He wakes up and realizes he was set up. What’s more, he realizes that the leak was from Fort Bragg! He and his crew find out Commanding General, Edwin Mosley, who he served with in Afghanistan is behind the trafficking. It is being done from a warehouse in Fort Bragg and being distributed on the East Coast. The illegal operation suddenly and literally goes up in a blaze of glory!
My brothers keeper
Episode 3
The unit armorer, SPC. Allan Jones who’s family is becomes the target of gang leader from Philly. The local gang boss hatches a plan to kill his little brother and threaten his family to force him to hand over the units M-16 and M-4 gun stock. Col. Greene finds out about it and decides to protect SPC. Jones. The Crew primes the streets of Philly for a gang war the local thugs wish they had never started!
The dead of night!
Episode 4
After the successful rescue attempt of several “Oil workers” the crew is tasked to dispose of their captors once they are no longer of use. Ironically, extraditing the prisoners would give away the true identity of the “Oil Workers”. The crew is forced to take the prisoners out of Venezuela in the dead of night and make sure they are never seen again.
The Patsy
Episode 5
A Special operations soldier is recruited to covertly raid a Taliban village in Afghanistan. After the soldier is arrested, he faces a very public and messy trial. Before the media can find out the full truth, The Crew must make sure the true story never sees the light of day. Col. Greene likes the soldier and decides to help him rather than kill him, because he realizes the soldier did exactly what he would have done.
The Banker.
Episode 6
After the crew delivers $434 Million in cash to Iraq, it comes up missing in the State Department books. Some of the cash was stolen by Iraqi soldiers but the crew is having none of it and is tasked to get that money back and teach them a painful lesson. In the end, the Crew doesn’t exact the justice demanded by the Puzzle Works and walks away from the mission after retrieving the money.
The spy that stayed for dinner.
Episode 7
The Crew takes over a Baccuba Radio and TV station formally under the control of ISIS and hands it over to the Lincoln Group to broadcast Iraqi propaganda. During the takeover, Col. Greene suspects an Al-Quida mole and sets out to uncover him.
We’ve packed your bags for you.
Episode 8
Local gangs in Greens-Borough, NC outside of Fort Bragg are killing American solders and terrorizing neighborhoods. The Pentagon and the locals are tired of it. The local police chief contacts The Crew and asks them to fix it. Col. Greene Initially denies the request but the Puzzle Works green lights the project and the game is afoot.
The entrepreneur
Episode 9
Nothing is as it seems in the drug trade. Early in Season One the crew raided the drug warehouse on Ft. Bragg. They killed the drug crew and decided to go into business for themselves or it would appear that way. The fruits or that labor cannot go unrewarded as Lt. Greene and First Sergeant AKA “The Chaplain” send shock waves up and down the East coast drug world.
Cliffhanger end of Season 1
Payback
Episode 10
A new player in the drug world is not an invited guest and the local bad guys decide to teach The Chaplin and his crew a lesson. In an ambush Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines are critically wounded. Several of his crew are killed. Agent Stockton is right there and ready to take the entire operation down.
SEASON TWO
The Courier Part 1
Episode 1
When a Psychological Operations courier traveling from Bothel, Washington to Rome Georgia is murdered on a public highway Col. Greene and his crew are sent in as undercover CID agents to investigate. Col Greene discovers the agent was carrying non classified documents but also a trove of top secret documents that would turn Washingtons world upside down in the press. The documents contained damaging secrets about the drug interdiction program in Columbia. Those same documents would also reveal the names and identities of the 4th POG and its agents. Col. Greene and Sgt. Jones must locate those documents before it is too late. The clock’s ticking and secrets are about to be revealed.
The Courier Part 2
Episode 2
Upon further investigation of the murder Col. Greene suspects this was a contract killing and believes a community of ex-Iraqi patriots may hold the key. When Col. Greene digs deeper he realizes a sleeper cell of Iraqi terrorists are behind the killing of a Pysop agent for a bounty of fifty thousand dollars. This bounty was put on place during the Iraq war and many believed it was no longer honored. After Col. Greene and Sgt. Jones retrieve the documents they realize they cannot leave the sleeper cell in place and they must eliminate it. No one is left to tell the story and the papers are delivered to the appropriate authorities.
The Informant
Episode 10 Season Finale
Local drug lords devise a plan to ambush and kill Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Desmoines AKA the Chaplin. They are distributing the remains drugs and robbing the local drug lords. Both Lt. Greene are shot and remain in critical condition while Agent Stockton swoops in to find out what happened. Agent Stockton arrest Col. Greene only to find out the drug operation was a sting put together by the DEA and the local Fayetteville PD. Col. Greene is released. This is unfortunate for the men who tried to kill his son because they will never see the inside of a courtroom.
SEASON 3
Hell hath no fury…like a father scorned.
Episode 1
Nothing in the drug world is as it seems. The entire operation run by Lt. Greene and Desmoines was a ruse authorized by the local police chief. As a result most of the Eastern drug lords are brought down.
Unfortunately for Col. Greene, this is of little solace as they almost killed his son and the First Sergeant. What happens next will make the remaining drug lords wish they had never laid eyes on “The Crew”.
I’m outta here!
Episode 10 Cliff Hanger
In the seasons final episode the walls are closing in for the crew and First Sergeant Desmoines decides it is time for a curtain call. In an extraordinary chain of events Desmoines dies at sea. Just hours from arresting him, agent Stockton is not happy and he is not buying it.
SEASON 4
Give your best shot!
Agent Stockton investigates Desmoines murder and finds evidence that he may not have died. He brings in Col. Greene and tries to lean on him only to see how cool of a customer Greene really is. In the end Stockton is forced to abandon his search and release Col. Greene.
Forever is not forever!
Episode 10 Cliffhanger
SGT. Jones is brutally murdered on the Streets of Fayetteville, NC in a drive by shooting that doesn’t add up. Lt. Greene finds evidence to the contrary and digs deeper.
Episode 2
SEASON 5
For my beloved
Episode 1
Lt. Greene and SPC. Jones set out to make those responsible for the death of SGT. Jones pay but what they find at the bottom of the rabbit hole may not be what they wanted.
The King has fallen
Final Episode
In this final Episode, Col. Greene faces the ultimate betrayal as Major Greene set his father up to kill him for the murder of his fiancé SGT. Jones. He also has had enough of Agent Stockton and ends his life and career. Because of evidence showing Stockton’s true colors as a corrupt player no charges are ever brought in his death.
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Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger WBWTV Module 2 Lesson 2 Compelling Character Descriptions B
What is learned from this assignment is how to write a short and interesting Bio about your show’s characters.
START: Protagonist/Lead Col. Benjamin Greene is a former CIA assassin, current Special Operations Commander, recruited by a top-secret Pentagon Agency into a world of murder and intrigue. He is a middle-aged man who is true patriot but wants to retire. Instead, he must make life and death decisions every day. He can be described as a ruthless, merciless killer with a heart. A true anti-hero. He is a competent, knowledgeable, born leader. Spent time in the Middle East with First Sergeant Desmoines.
MIDDLE: After the sudden death of his beloved wife, he doesn’t care anymore. He promised his wife he would leave the agency and coming back eats away at him. He likes his drinking and can be a bit of a mean drunk. He is also a master at reading the room and cheating death. His one saving grace is his love for his son Brian, who is also in his unit. His contacts and people he knows is long and impressive.
END: His dislike of the Puzzle Works, his ruthless nature, along with desire to amass wealth on his way out is an indicator his time is running short. The last thing he would do is to protect his son. His triggers are disloyalty, dishonesty, and threatening his son.
START: Protagonist/Lead Lt. Brian Green is an aid to the Commander and a unit Intel officer, 37Fox. He often doubles as his Father’s keeper. Unlike the other soldiers in the unit, Brian is in competition with other soldiers for his father’s attention and acceptance. Following the death of his mother he has watched his father struggle emotionally. He himself wants to stay true to his mother’s memory but the job won’t let him.
MIDDLE: He is Doing things that are against his good nature. His father’s brutality is also a trigger for him as well. He is bagging Black ops money and stealing from drug lords. He has an exit plan. Lt. Greene’s ability to outthink others around him is his coping mechanism. Agent Stockton is doing everything he can to turn him but so far, he has been unsuccessful. In the end, does Lt. Greene set up Agent Stockton or does he betray his father?
END: His fall from grace has been dramatic and sad. He is a sex addict who often puts himself in dangerous situations. He is no longer a good man, instead he is the very definition of a hypocrite. His hope was to cultivate a great Army career. The Puzzle Works may have ended that. His fear is he may have to turn on his father or go to jail. Like his father he is a true patriot even though the Puzzle Works has tainted his time in the military.
START: First Sergeant William Desmoines, 2<sup>nd</sup> in command, he is a tough kid who grew up in Brooklyn. Former Golden Gloves champion. Joined the military at 18 to get out of the neighborhood and has never returned. Became a Green Beret and Special Operations soldier. Served several tours with Col. Greene. They know each other well. Greene trusts and respects him completely.
MIDDLE: Since becoming part of the Puzzle Works, he has partnered with Lt. Green to sell drugs, rob dealers and steal black bag money. We feel bad for him as he worked his entire life to retire, he is being drug back into the fray. He wonders if he can do this anymore. Selling drugs was never in his wheelhouse till now. Desmoines has anger, resentment, frustration over his career and financial setup. This was not how he wanted to go out. He is a born leader second in command Always in control.
END: He conspires with Col. Greene to throw off the Puzzle Works and make them believe he is dead once it is over. He is deceiving Col. Greene about what he is doing with Lt. Greene, this creates moral conflict with him
as well. When he has saved enough money to fund his exit strategy he is gone. He wants to disappear once this is over, possibly Faking his own death. He knows the Puzzle Works has a long reach. His triggers are disloyalty and dishonesty. Oddly enough his life choices are in direct conflict with his core beliefs. For him, the 12<sup>th</sup> hour is approaching, he sees the writing on the wall.
SGT Jones Sgt. Jones may be the spoiler alert in the crew. She is an agent, Lt. Greene’s love interest and perhaps the most dangerous person in the mix.
SPC Jones is the most compromised and best avenue of approach for Agent Stockton to exploit. He is a good kid that made a bad mistake, and he has never left it behind.
Agent Stockton is relentless and smart. He sees every angle, every avenue and knows how to take anyone down that dark road. He is also not what he appears to be. Col. Greene is always looking in his rear-view mirror for him. This is the antagonist who is every bit as capable as Col. Greene.
Environment Characters: The FBI, Police, Politicians, gang members, agents all play their part but are pawns in a larger scheme they are caught up in. Col. Greene uses them pawns on a chess board with impressive skill.
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Intriguing Concept and World of The Puzzle Works formally known as Benjamin Greene.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from the assignment is how to picket and isolate the essential elements that make a great pitch.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 2 – Lesson 1: What Makes a Great TV Pitch Bible?
High Concept to incorporate into pitch:
Col. Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander, is recruited into a world of intrigue and murder by a highly secretive Pentagon agency .
A. Engaging and highly proactive hero.
Col. Greene is a former Assassin and career Special Operations Soldier with training and real world knowledge.
B. Up against a major conflict…
Still reeling from the sudden death of his wife he is at the most vulnerable time in his life while trying to protect his son from the Puzzle Works.
C. …goes on unique transformational journey.
Col. Greene will spiral into a world of alcohol and murder as his humanity fades. His son tries to be his conscience but unfortunately his son has leveraged his soul as well.
D. …Into an intriguing world.
The world of the Puzzle works is filled with Black suit agents, murderers, assassins, Analyst, police, politicians, FBI agents, and spies. All these elements conspire to stop or control Col. Greene and his crew.
2. Tell us the World of this show. This is the Special Operations world tinged with the Espionage world. It operates outside the confines of a military post and could take our crew anywhere.
Unique Sub-World: The rules are killed or be killed. No-one can be trusted and Black bag money flows like water. Nothing is as it appears, nothing!
Previously unexplored:
This agency is off the books and funded by Black bag money that doesn’t exist and agents that don’t exist. It is very hard for Col. Greene and his crew to protect themselves when they never really know who the enemy is.
The unknown:
Everyone is an agent and no one tells the truth. Each mission could be the final setup or betrayal. Will the Black suits help you or kill you?
The unseen:
There are agendas and rules that govern this world but they are never spoken. Col. Greene is able to navigate them because nobody is better than him at reading the tea leaves. FBI Investigation. Drug lords plans to keep their territories or take them back.
Unheard of Dangers:
Murder is often the stock and trade while betrayal is the buzzword of the day. Will the local police chief go after Col. Greene and his crew? How far behind is Agent Stockton?
Reason to explore it:
There is unlimited free money in this world. The Black bag money never stops flowing. For people like Col. Greene, First Sergeant Desmoines, this is a place to become rich. SPC. Jones see it as a place to hide.
Hook 1:
What if a retired CIA assassin was brought into the agency to cover up the biggest government gaffs that could bring down the whole house?
Hook 2:
How does Col. Greene and his crew escape once they realize their is no retirement in this field?
Hook 3. What if everything they believed about the Puzzle Works and Col. Greene is wrong, then who are they really?
Hook 4. Betrayal becomes the order of the day and no one is immune to it, not even father and son.
Hook 5: Nothing is as it seems, nothing!
Hook 6: How does a Special Operations Commander and former Special Forces soldier navigate the dangerous underworld of the Puzzle Works?
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Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the Best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 4 Lesson 10 Making Every Scene Fascinating
“What I learned from doing this assignment is the continued and precise plotting of these scenes helps to nail down what you want from your characters and the scenes themselves it helps to establish the beats.
First act interest techniques: Internal Dilemma-Reese and the death his brother and soldier. External Drama-interpreters struggles with the State Department and how Reese views them once he finds out. Mislead/reveal-the interpreter knows who Al-Sadar is but he is afraid to tell Reese. Mislead/Reveal- the ambush on Reese and his unit.
Title Letters from Baghdad
Genre Action Drama
ACT 1:
Scene 1 (Betrayal) We also see betrayal as the Interpreter is denied his visa. The mood dramatically changes. (Subtext) We see Reese’s old ways and his rigid approach to his soldiers. When the killings take place, Reese shows another side we didn’t see coming.
INT. OPERATIONS CENTER 306th INFANTRY CO. – PRE DAWN 2-5 Pages
SCENE ARC 1:
START: Early morning patrol prep. Designed to show Reese’s demand for compliance and protocol. Soldiers mock his preciseness.
END: the interpreter gets denial letter from the State Department, Reese retrieves it from the trash.
Scene 2 (Action) The power and might of the US Military is on full display Mystery/Suspense
EXT. GREEN ZONE FRONT GATE BAGHDAD – DAWN 5-10 Pages
SCENE ARC 2:
START: Humvees and MRPS exit the Green zone and rumble through the streets of Baghdad.
END: Scene ends with the Humvees and MRPS pulling up and dismounting at the market.
Scene 3
EXT. BAGDAD OPEN AIR MARKET – DAY
The convoys pulls up to the open air market. In the course of the patrol the Interpreter spots a well hidden trench and wires.
SCENE ARC 3:
START: Reese and his men dismount and begin their foot patrol.
Reese realizes his men, civilians, and the interpreter are in the Kill Zone.
Reese must extract his men and the civilians before the explosives are detonated.
END: Scene ends with the daisy chained M-122’s exploding killing a mother and her child.
Scene 4
INT. BAGHDAD APARTMENT COMPLEX ADJACENT TO PARK – DAY
SCENE ARC 4:
START: Reese and his men spot and chase Al-Sadar through an adjacent building and find out it was an ambush.The ambush was well thought out.
END: (Superior Position)We find out this was a setup for an ambush on Reese’s men. (Essence) This is the scene that sets the Antagonist and the Protagonist on the road to the final conflict.
Scene 5
INT. GREEN ZONE COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – LATER THAT DAY 2-3 Pages
SCENE ARC 5:
START: Reese sits in his office writing a letter to the family of the soldier. He can no longer contain himself and violently sweeps his desk. He has written too many of these.
END: Those words ring true. Reese breaks down and cries.
(conflict) The death of a soldier could cost him his career. (Essence) The essence of this scene is the statement on the condition of the Iraqi society and what war has done to them. Will Reese get it?
Essence: The scenes are designed to show how far the transformational journey for Reese must be. We also see the struggles and tragedy war has brought to the Iraqi people. The interpreters have been vilified and exposed.
Conflict: Reese and his men are up against a brutal and skilled terrorist cell. The State Department is part of the triangle Reese must defeat. War presents unforgiving consequences for any mistakes. The game is life and death.
Subtext: This scene opens a wound from Reese’s past about the loss of his brother in a drive by. Reese always plays by the rules until he can’t. Reese’s rude and dismissive behavior toward the interpreter is changed forever when he is saved by him. His realization that soldiers are not the only ones suffering in this war. The fact that the interpreter didn’t tell him he had applied for asylum is a stinging bite since Reese felt he understood the dynamics of the war better than anybody. During the market scene we foreshadow the murder of the Interpreter.
Hope/fear: His hope that day is to have an uneventful day. His fear is exactly what happened. He lost a man and he may be at fault for it.
Intrigue moments scene one: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene below.
Scheme: SFC Reese an his men are setup on routine patrol by a terrorist. The terrorist sets up the ambush leaving Reese and his men to decide who lives and dies. Reese is saved by his Iraqi interpreter. Reese lets his anger get the better of him and it costs the life of a soldier as this was a set for an ambush.
Irony/Intrigue: The same interpreter he is often rude and dismissive is the hero that saved him. He finds out the interpreter was a soldier too.
Cover up: Before the market scene. Reese gives his safety speech, meanwhile the Interpreter is called into the commanders office and given a letter. He later reads it in the briefing room and realizes it is another denial letter from the State Department for his Asylum request. He angrily tosses it into the trash and is visibly upset. He will not tell Reese. Reese retrieves the letter and reads it.
Mystery: What is he afraid of? Why won’t he show it to Reese? He believes Reese will never understand and would be of little help.
Intrigue: The letter is coming from the Baghdad office and an individual Reese thought was sympathetic to the plight of the interpreters. Why is he denying the request. We find out later it is the Iraqi government demanding the US Army turn over the names of the Interpreters which the State Department has resisted until now.
Second act interest techniques: Suspense-The attack on the family. Betrayal-The denial letters to the Interpreters family. Surprise-The attack was quick and lethal. Mystery-Will Reese get Al-Sadar and will his career survive?
ACT 2:
Scene 6
EXT. BAGHDAD STREET – PREDAWN A quite street appears normal but this is a prelude to the hell that is about to be unleashed by Al-Sadar and his men. (Mystery) What will happen to the family. 4-10 Pages
SCENE ARC 6:
START: (Suspense) The family appears to begin another day normally but it is the Interpreter’s last moments. Reese receives a phone call telling him his family is under attack. He immediately dispatches the QRF to the Interpreters home
END: (Surprise) The interpreter lies dead on the front lawn as the family watched his murder in horror.
Scene 7
INT. INTERPRETER’S HOME BAGHDAD – PRE-DAWN 4-10 Pages
SCENE ARC 7
START: (Intrigue) Reese and his men stakeout the the home to protect the family, Al-Sadar returns as promised. Reese tries to deal with an incompetent police force with little interest in helping. Reese finds stacks of denial letters from the State Department.
END: Al-Sadar returns, but he is unsuccessful. Reese’s newest soldier is killed in the raid.
Scene 8
INT. 306th INFANTRY DIVISION HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT 2-3 Pages
SCENE ARC 8:
START: Reese is told he will face disciplinary hearings for the loss of two men and he may loose his command. The Commander tells him his men should have never there.
END: His commander tells him to just do his job and get the hell out of this place alive. Reese tells him there is more than that to helping these people. He shows him the letters from the interpreters family.
Scene 9
INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE – DAY 2-3 Pages
SCENE ARC 9:
START: (Uncomfortable Moment) Reese throws the letters on the desk of the diplomat and asks him to justify the murder of his interpreter. He can’t but he tells him the Iraqi government is demanding the names of the interpreters but he hasn’t given them to the Iraqi officials.
END: Reese leaves vowing to help this family at all costs and suggest the Diplomat help and do not give the Iraqis the interpreters names.
Essence: The scenes are designed to show what levels of bureaucracy Reese must fight and the futility of the fight. We also see the fight the Interpreter and his family faced requesting Asylum.
Conflict: The State Department is being pressured not to give Asylum visas to the interpreters. Trying to keep the family alive with limited resources, cooperation, and manpower.
Subtext: Reese sees the family as his validation of everything he is doing as a soldier and vindication for his brother’s murder. The State department and those in charge can no longer be trusted.
Hope/fear: His hope is that he can get an asylum visa for this family. Fear, they will be killed before he can get them out.
Intrigue moments Act Two: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene.
Covert Agenda: Al-Sadar has decided he will make and example of the interpreter and his family. He ambushes them at his home killing an American Soldier.
Cover Up: the interpreter knew who the Terrorist was but said nothing out of fear. The Terrorist has moles even in the units and on the main post.
Conspiracy: Reese and his men deceive their command and protect the widow and her children. Reese believes he can kill Al-Sadar and sets him up at the widows home but he only wounds him. Reese realizes he is up against a skilled opponent.
Intrigue: The murder of the Interpreter and the threats on the family.
Wound open for Reese: connected to the child killed at the market. Reese’s soldier’s connect the dots and realize his brother was murdered in a drive by shooting.
Cover Up concerning Reese: They also suspect he killed the ones responsible for that. He has never returned home to Brooklyn and visit his parents like other soldiers.
Mystery: Did he kill his brothers murderers. Why is he so street smart? We see this in the First act. He immediately calls for the spotter.
He knows someone is watching and waiting to set off the bombs. He doesn’t tip his hand.
Scheme: He decides to play politics and take on the State Department. He will not accept the denial letter and he draws in the Congressman.
Covert Agenda: No one knows he was going to basically take the Congressman to the family home. The military command din’t know it was a setup when he volunteered for VIP protection duty. The audience didn’t know either.
Act Three interest techniques: Mystery/External Drama-Al-Sadar has stepped up his attacks on American Military. Intrigue/Mislead/Reveal- Reese is going after Al-Sadar by leveraging a local influential Sheik. Conflicts/Superior Position Reese knows what no one else knows, who is the mole and how to use him.
ACT 3:
Scene10
EXT. HUMVEE – STREETS OF BAGHDAD – DAY 4-6 Pages
SCENE ARC 10:
START: There are a series for bombings depicted on the news and in the streets of Baghdad. These are seen from the pedestrians point of view. News Clipping will also help. External Drama/Intrigue/Suspense
END. Bodies being place in body bags as the death toll mounts. (Uncertainty for the future of the Coalition forces.)
Scene 11
EXT. WIDOWS HOME – NIGHT 5-8 pages
SCENE ARC 11:
START: Reese and his men do an off the books mission of visiting a Sheiks house
(Twists/Mislead/Reveal) Reese and his men are leaving the wire after hours and approaching and threatening the local Sheik for information on Al-Sadar. When they get it they now have a bargaining chip to take him down and save the careers.
END: They convince him to give up Al-Sadar or the money will be cut off. (Surprise) no one thought he would give him up but the money flow was too important for the Sheik.
Scene 12
INT. US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE ROBERT DELANEY’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 12:
START: Congressmen and women from various districts are in his conference room. A knock on the doors alerts Robert. He answers and Reese appears. (Uncomfortable) Reese forces the State Department to help the family and embarrasses the Ambassador.
END: Reese volunteers for a mission as VIP protection for the targeted Congressman and his crew. (Intrigue) Reese introduce the Politician to the family in hopes he will sponsor them. (Mislead/Reveal)In order to do this he must make the command he is a team player who just wants to help.
Scene 13
EXT. STREETS OF BAGHDAD UP- ARMORED BUSES – DAY 5-8 Pages
SCENE ARC 13:
START: The Congressman stands up and walks to the front of the bus. He orders the driver to go to this address. It is the Widows. 8-12 Pages
END: After talking to the widow and her family the Congressman agrees to sponsor them. (Conflicts)The Diplomats are furious with Reese since he arranged this behind their back but there is nothing they can do. It appears his career is over.
Scene 14
INT. COMMANDERS OFFICE GREEN ZONE BAGHDAD – DAY 2-4 Pages
SCENE ARC 14:
START: Reese and his men are told they will be sent back and they will face disciplinary action. (Mislead/Reveal)Reese responds by saying he can bring down Al-Sadar. He says he is the only one that can. Reese tells them who the mole is and how they can use him. Plan is devised.
END: The state Department agrees to Reeses plan and allows him and his men to stay if he can pull it off. (Superior Position) Al-Sadar is to be brought in alive. Reese cuts a deal that allows him and his men to protect the widow and her children until they are on the plane and safe.
Scene 15
INT. MILITARY INTELLIGENCE/CIA OFFICE CONVENTION GATE 3 HOTEL – DAY 2-5 Pages
SCENE ARC 15
START: (Mystery) Reese is called into an intel meeting and ordered to give up his intel. He won’t do it unless he runs the raid. His commander backs him.
END: CIA and Intel officers confirm Al-Sadar has taken the bait and the 81st Airborne is put-on an alert for the offensive on Heifa Street.
Essence: Reese’s old ways are gone he is committed at all cost to stop Al-Sadar and save this family.
Conflict: Time is not in his favor or the widows. The terrorists will kill the family.
Subtext: This is Reese’s salvation. He cannot let the widow and children die like he did his brother. They are the one thing that validates him and who he has become and what he has left behind.
Hope/fear: His hope was to get the Congressman to sponsor them. His fear would be he wouldn’t and they would be denied the visa.
Intrigue moments Act Three: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.
Cover Up. Reese and his men are staying at the home of the widow against the orders of the Command. Reese reminds his commander of the promise he made.
Hidden Agenda: Reese uses this time to gather intel. He actually leaves the wire and contacts a local sheik. Reese demands he hand over Al-Sadar or the protection payments will end.
Hidden Identity: There is a mole on the main post identified by the Sheik. The command doesn’t fire him, instead they use him to set up Al-Sadar.
Covert Agenda: By feeding the informant false information the State Department is able to determine who the mole is. Reese follows him and locates Al-Sadar.
A sense of Urgency: Attacks around Baghdad have increased leaving bodies in their wake.
Reese says he can stop them. The CIA and intel mock him asking how a grunt can do what they can’t. He says because I know him, I am him!
Scheme: Reese and his men are facing military discipline but Reese cuts a deal to bring Al-Sadar in. He sets up Al-Sadar using the mole. Reese has no intention of bringing Al-Sadar in alive. He tells the mole their will be a small patrol on Heifa Street and when. He also tells the mole he will be leading that patrol. Al-Sadar has his sights set on Reese, the man who injured him.
Act Four interest techniques: Mystery/External Drama-Al-Sadar has stepped up his attacks on American Military. Mislead/Reveal- Reese is going after Al-Sadar by leveraging a local influential Sheik. (Character Change) Reese and his parents.
ACT 4
Scene 16
INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE – DAY 2-4 Pages
SCENE ARC 16:
START Reese is called in by the diplomat and a Col. who tells him The Visa is approved and the preparations are made to get them out of Baghdad but If he fails and more men are killed his career is over.
END: He convinces him he has intel and needs their help in setting up Al-Sadar, they agree and the plan is set in motion.
Scene 17
INT. TRAILER IN THE GREEN ZONE – NIGHT
SCENE ARC 17:
START: Reese and several of his men are drinking and talking about the raid tomorrow. (Uncertainty)
END: Reese reveals what happened to his brother while he was growing up in Brooklyn. It is the first time he ever told anyone. (Reveal)
Reese and his men drink and talk the night before the raid. We see Reese is worried for his men.
Scene 18
EXT. HEIFA STREET BAGHDAD – DAY 4-10
SCENE ARC 18:
START: It appears as though Reese and his men are on their own but they are acting as bait. (Mislead/Reveal) The 81st has already scouted the position and several OH-58’s are in the area ready for the battle. They will deploy the old draw out and seep in and destroy tactic developed in Vietnam.
END: Reese and his men Kill Al-Sadar and his crew. Reese does not lose anymore men. (Action/Intrigue)
Scene 19
INT. STATE DEPARTMENTS OFFICE US EMBASSY BAGHDAD – DAY 3-5 Pages
SCENE ARC 19:
START: Reese is told that the names of the interpreters were submitted but because of the language barrier they may have submitted the wrong names.(Surprise)
END: The ambassador thanks him for reminding him why we are here and tells him if he ever wants to run for office he should since he can play a pretty mean game of politics. He also tells him the mole was arrested.
Scene 20
EXT. GRAVEYARD BAGHDAD – DAY 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 20:
START: Reese and his men exit the MRP and escort the family to her husbands grave. Reese promises to come and see her and the boys. (Uncomfortable Moments) There seems to be something there between the Widow and Reese and The children adore him as well.
END: She boards the bus and we cut to the BIAP with a C130 taking off with Reese and his men watching the military transport taking off.
Scene 21
EXT. SOLDIER’S PHONE PHONE BANK GREEN ZONE- DAY 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 21:
START: Reese picks up a phone and hesitates. He hangs up and walks away.
END: A second later he returns and dials a number.
Scene 22
INT. REESE’S PARENTS HOME BROOKLYN, NY – NIGHT 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 22:
START: You see the parents and Reese talking on the phone/spit screen. They seem genuinely happy to hear from him.(Character Changes Radically) We see a side of Reese we have never seen. He is loving and positive with his mother and father on the phone.
END: We fade out as we see Reese finally at peace with himself and the ones he loves.
Essence: The essence of this act is simple. We also Reese put to bed the demons he has been wrestling with. Reese has achieved his inner journey and the transformation is complete.
Conflict: Finding and facing off against a formable foe such as Al-Sadar. Getting all the agencies to work together when they aren’t very good at it.
Subtext: Killing Al-Sadar was akin to slaying his own demons. He needed that to move on.
Hope/fear: The hope is Reese continues on with his military career and prospers and that he has left his negative past behind. The fear of failing was huge. Being sent back with his men in disgrace.
Intrigue Moments Act 4: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.
Covert Agenda: More false information is sent out. Al-Sadar takes the bait.
Superior Position: Soldiers from the 81st Airborne are deployed. The audience doesn’t
now they are already in place. Neither does Al-Sadar. Reese and his men act as bait. The battle ensues and Reese kills Al-Sadar and his crew. His command wanted him alive but they will let it go.
Act of Defiance: Reese and his unit take the widow and the family to her husbands grave.
Intrigue: Seeing the pain of leaving her country forever the widow ask Reese to come see
her again. She also tells him to forgive himself and call his parents. En-Shalla let it go. She knows what happened.
Wound: The wound Reese has been carrying around all these years is now settled. He calls his parents and they are happy to hear from him. They have forgiven him a long time ago. .
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by
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Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the Best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 4 Lesson 9 Scene Requirements
“What I learned from doing this assignment is the continued and precise plotting of these scenes helps to nail down what you want from your characters and the scenes themselves.
ACT 1:
INT. OPERATIONS CENTER 306th INFANTRY CO. – PRE DAWN 2-5 Pages
SCENE ARC 1:
START: Early morning patrol prep. Designed to show Reese’s demand for compliance and protocal. Soldiers mock his preciseness.
END: the interpreter gets denial letter from the State Department, Reese retrieves it from the trash.
EXT. GREEN ZONE FRONT GATE BAGHDAD – DAWN 5-10 Pages
SCENE ARC 2:
START: Humvees and MRPS exit the Green zone and rumble through the street of Baghdad.
They eventually pull up to the park entrance. Patrol mission: open air market in Baghdad. Interpreter spots trench and wires. Reese, his men, civilians, and the interpreter are in the Kill Zone. Reese must extract his men and the civilians before the explosives are detonated.
END: Scene ends with Reese and his men chasing Al-Sadar through a building only to find it was an ambush.
INT. GREEN ZONE COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – LATER THAT DAY 2-3 Pages
SCENE ARC 3:
START: Reese sits in his office writing a letter to the family of the soldier. He can no longer contain himself and violently sweeps his desk. He has written too many of these. Reese remembers what his father told him before he left home, “You are just as responsible as though you had pulled the trigger yourself”.
END: Those words ring true. Reese breaks down and cries.
Essence: The scenes are designed to show how far the transformational journey for Reese must be. We also see the struggles and tragedy war has brought to the Iraqi people. Reese must now recognize this fact also. In particular the interpreters have been vilified and exposed.
Conflict: Reese and his men are up against a brutal and skilled terrorist cell. The State Department is part of the triangle Reese must defeat. War presents unforgiving consequences for any mistakes. The game is life and death.
Subtext: This scene opens a wound from Reese’s past about the loss of his brother in a drive by. Reese always plays by the rules until he can’t. Reese’s rude and dismissive behavior toward the interpreter is changed forever when he is saved by him. His realization that soldiers are not the only ones suffering in this war. The fact that the interpreter didn’t tell him he had applied for asylum is a stinging bite since Reese felt he understood the dynamics of the war better than anybody. During the market scene we foreshadow the murder of the Interpreter.
Hope/fear: His hope that day is to have an uneventful day. His fear is exactly what happened. He lost a man and he may be at fault for it.
Intrigue moments scene one: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene below.
Scheme: SFC Reese an his men are setup on routine patrol by a terrorist. The terrorist sets up the ambush leaving Reese and his men to decide who lives and dies. Reese is saved by his Iraqi interpreter. Reese lets his anger get the better of him and it costs the life of a soldier as this was a set for an ambush.
Superior position. The interpreter figures out this is an ambush and saves Reese. Al-Sadar played upon Reese’s anger baiting him into a chase.
Irony/Intrigue: The same interpreter he is often rude and dismissive is the hero that saved him. He finds out the interpreter was a soldier too.
Cover up: Before the market scene. Reese gives his safety speech, meanwhile the Interpreter is called into the commanders office and given a letter. He later reads it in the briefing room and realizes it is another denial letter from the State Department for his Asylum request. He angrily tosses it into the trash and is visibly upset. He will not tell Reese. Reese retrieves the letter and reads it.
Mystery: What is he afraid of? Why won’t he show it to Reese? He believes Reese will never understand and would be of little help.
Intrigue: The letter is coming from the Baghdad office and an individual Reese thought was sympathetic to the plight of the interpreters. Why is he denying the request. We find out later it is the Iraqi government demanding the US Army turn over the names of the Interpreters which the State Department has resisted until now.
Scheme: Before every mission the Interpreter asks the commander to take care of his family if anything happens to him, but not Reese. Why? When Reese questions him about the letter he is offended that the interpreter has not come to him before.
ACT 2:
EXT. BAGHDAD STREET – PREDAWN A quite street appears normal but this is a prelude to the hell that is about to be unleashed by Al-Sadar and his men. 4-10 Pages
SCENE ARC 4:
START: The family appears to begin another day normally but it is the Interpreter’s last moments. Reese receives a phone call telling him his family is under attack. He immediately dispatches the QRF to the Interpreters home
END: The interpreter lies dead on the front lawn as the family watched his murder in horror.
INT. INTERPRETER’S HOME BAGHDAD – PRE-DAWN 4-10 Pages
START: Reese and his men stakeout the the home to protect the family, Al-Sadar returns as promised. Reese tries to deal with an incompetent police force with little interest in helping. Reese finds stacks of denial letters from the State Department.
END: Al-Sadar returns, but he is unsuccessful. Reese’s newest soldier is killed in the raid.
INT. 306th INFANTRY DIVISION HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT 2-3 Pages
SCENE ARC 5:
START: Reese is told he will face disciplinary hearings for the loss of two men and he may loose his command.
END: His commander tells him to just do his job and get the hell out of this place alive. Reese tells him there is more than that to helping these people. He shows him the letters from the interpreters family.
INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE – DAY 2-3 Pages
SCENE ARC 6:
START: Reese throws the letters on the desk of the diplomat and asks him to justify the murder of his interpreter. He can’t but he tells him the Iraqi government is demanding the names of the interpreters but he hasn’t given them to the Iraqi officials.
END: Reese leaves vowing to help this family at all costs and suggest the Diplomat help and do not give the Iraqis the interpreters names.
Essence: The scenes are designed to show what levels of bureaucracy Reese must fight and the futility of the fight. We also see the fight the Interpreter and his family faced requesting Asylum.
Conflict: The State Department is being pressured not to give Asylum visas to the interpreters. Trying to keep the family alive with limited resources, cooperation, and manpower.
Subtext: Reese sees the family as his validation of everything he is doing as a soldier and vindication for his brother’s murder. The State department and those in charge can no longer be trusted.
Hope/fear: His hope is that he can get an asylum visa for this family. Fear, they will be killed before he can get them out.
Intrigue moments Act Two: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene.
Covert Agenda: Al-Sadar has decided he will make and example of the interpreter and his family. He ambushes them at his home killing an American Soldier.
Cover Up: the interpreter knew who the Terrorist was but said nothing out of fear. The Terrorist has moles even in the units and on the main post.
Conspiracy: Reese and his men deceive their command and protect the widow and her children. Reese believes he can kill Al-Sadar and sets him up at the widows home but he only wounds him. Reese realizes he is up against a skilled opponent.
Intrigue:
Wound open for Reese: connected to the child killed at the market. Reese’s soldier’s connect the dots and realize his brother was murdered in a drive by shooting.
Cover Up concerning Reese: They also suspect he killed the ones responsible for that. He has never returned home to Brooklyn and visit his parents like other soldiers.
Mystery: Did he kill his brothers murderers. Why is he so street smart? We see this in the First act. He immediately calls for the spotter.
He knows someone is watching and waiting to set off the bombs. He doesn’t tip his hand.
Scheme: He decides to play politics and take on the State Department. He will not accept the denial letter and he draws in the Congressman.
Covert Agenda: No one knows he was going to basically take the Congressman to the family home. The military command din’t know it was a setup when he volunteered for VIP protection duty. The audience didn’t know either.
ACT 3:
EXT. HUMVEE – STREETS OF BAGHDAD – DAY 4-6 Pages
SCENE ARC 7:
START: There are a series for bombings depicted on the news and in the streets of Baghdad. These are seen from the pedestrians point of view. News Clipping will also help.
END. Bodies being place in body bags as the death toll mounts.
EXT. WIDOWS HOME – NIGHT 5-8 pages
SCENE ARC 8:
START: Reese and his men do an off the books mission of visiting a Sheiks house
END: They convince him to give up Al-Sadar of the money will be cut off.
INT. US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE ROBERT DELANEY’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY 1-2 Pages
START: Congressmen and women from various districts are in his conference room. A knock on the doors alerts Robert. He answers and Reese appears.
END: Reese is on the mission as VIP protection for the Congressman and his crew.
EXT. STREETS OF BAGHDAD UP- ARMORED BUSES – DAY 5-8 Pages
SCENE ARC 9: 10 Pages
START: The Congressman stands up and walks to the front of the bus. He orders the driver to go to this address. It is the Widows. 8-12 Pages
END: After talking to the widow and her family the Congressman agrees to sponsor them. The Diplomats are furious with Reese since he arranged this behind their back but there is nothing they can do.
INT. COMMANDERS OFFICE GREEN ZONE BAGHDAD – DAY 2-4 Pages
SCENE ARC 10:
START: Reese and his men are told they will be sent back and they will face disciplinary action. Reese responds by saying he can bring down Al-Sadar. He says he is the only one that can do. Reese tells them who the mole is and how they can use him. Plan is devised.
END: The state Department agrees to Reeses plan and allows him and his men to stay if he can pull it off. Al-Sadar is to be brought in alive. Reese also tells them they will protect the widow and her children until they are on the plane and safe.
Essence: Reese’s old way are gone he is committed at all cost to stop Al-Sadar and save this family.
Conflict: Time is not in his favor or the widows. The terrorists will kill the family.
Subtext: This is Reese’s salvation. He cannot let the widow and children die like he did his brother. They are the one thing that validates him and who he has become and what he has left behind.
Hope/fear: His hope was to get the Congressman to sponsor them. His fear would be he wouldn’t and they would be denied the visa.
Intrigue moments Act Three: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.
Cover Up. Reese and his men are staying at the home of the widow against the orders of the Command. Reese reminds his commander of the promise he made.
Hidden Agenda: Reese uses this time to gather intel. He actually leaves the wire and contacts a local sheik. Reese demands he hand over Al-Sadar or the protection payments will end.
Hidden Identity: There is a mole on the main post identified by the Sheik. The command doesn’t fire him, instead they use him to set up Al-Sadar.
Covert Agenda: By feeding the informant false information the State Department is able to determine who the mole is. Reese follows him and locates Al-Sadar.
A sense of Urgency: Attacks around Baghdad have increased leaving bodies in their wake.
Reese says he can stop them. The CIA and intel mock him asking how a grunt can do what they can’t. He says because I know him, I am him!
Scheme: Reese and his men are facing military discipline but Reese cuts a deal to bring Al-Sadar in. He sets up Al-Sadar using the mole. Reese has no intention of bringing Al-Sadar in alive. He tells the mole their will be a small patrol on Heifa Street and when. He also tells the mole he will be leading that patrol. Al-Sadar has his sights set on Reese, the man who injured him.
ACT 4
INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE – DAY 2-4 Pages
SCENE ARC 11:
START Reese is called in by the diplomat and a Col. who tells him he is playing a dangerous game. If he fails and more men are killed his career is over.
END: He convinces him he has intel and needs their help in setting up Al-Sadar, they agree and the plan is set in motion. The Visa is approved and the preparations are made to get them out of Baghdad.
EXT. HEIFA STREET BAGHDAD – DAY 4-10
SCENE ARC 12:
START: It appears as though Reese and his men are on their own but hey are bait. The 81st has already scouted the position and several OH-58’s are in the are ready for the battle.
END: Reese and his men Kill Al-Sadar and his crew. Reese does not lose anymore men.
INT. STATE DEPARTMENTS OFFICE US EMBASSY BAGHDAD – DAY 3-5 Pages
SCENE ARC 13:
START: Reese is told that the names of the interpreters were submitted but because of the language barrier they may have submitted the wrong names.
END: The ambassador thanks him for reminding him why we are here and tells him if he ever want to run for office he should since he can play a pretty mean game of politics. He also tells him the mole was arrested.
EXT. GRAVEYARD BAGHDAD – DAY 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 14:
START: Reese and his men exit the MRP and escort the family to her husbands grave. Reese promises to come and see her and the boys.
END: She boards the bus and we cut to the BIAP with a C130 taking off.
EXT. SOLDIER’S PHONE PHONE BANK GREEN ZONE- DAY 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 15:
START: Reese picks up a phone and hesitates. He hangs up and walks away.
END: A second later he returns and dials a number.
INT. REESE”S PARENTS HOME BROOKLYN, NY – NIGHT 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 16:
START: You see the parents and Reese talking on the phone/spit screen. They seem genuinely happy to hear from him.
END: We fade out as we see Reese finally at peace with himself and the ones he loves.
Essence: The essence of this act is simple. We also Reese put to bed the demons he has been wrestling with. Reese has achieved his inner journey and the transformation is complete.
Conflict: Finding and facing off against a formable foe such as Al-Sadar. Getting all the agencies to work together when they aren’t very good at it.
Subtext: Killing Al-Sadar was akin to slaying his own demons. He needed that to move on.
Hope/fear: The hope is Reese continues on with his military career and prospers and that he has left his negative past behind. The fear of failing was huge. Being sent back with his men in disgrace.
Intrigue Moments Act 4: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.
Covert Agenda: More false information is sent out. Al-Sadar takes the bait.
Superior Position: Soldiers from the 81st Airborne are deployed. The audience doesn’t
now they are already in place. Neither does Al-Sadar. Reese and his men act as bait. The battle ensues and Reese kills Al-Sadar and his crew. His command wanted him alive but they will let it go.
Act of Defiance: Reese and his unit take the widow and the family to her husbands grave.
Intrigue: Seeing the pain of leaving her country forever the widow ask Reese to come see
her again. She also tells him to forgive himself and call his parents. En-Shalla let it go. She knows what happened.
Wound: The wound Reese has been carrying around all these years is now settled. He calls his parents and they are happy to hear from him. They have forgiven him a long time ago. .
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by
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Subject line: Lloyd Shellenberger Intriguing Moments
WIM Mod 4: Lesson 8: Depth – Intriguing Moments
Working hard every day to become the best writer in Hollywood and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…by continuing to map out the characters emotional framework I can more accurately portray his responses and make him more interesting to the audience.
One of the differences between amateurs and pros is that the pro constantly engages the reader/audience. They are masters at getting our attention and keeping it.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
ACT 1
Scheme: SFC Reese an his men are setup on routine patrol by a terrorist. The terrorist sets up the ambush leaving Reese and his men to decide who lives and dies. Reese is saved by his Iraqi interpreter. Reese lets his anger get the better of him and costs the life of one of his soldiers. Al-Sadar shows he is a master tactician since this was a set up for an ambush of the unit.
Superior position. The interpreter figures out this is an ambush and saves Reese. Al-Sadar played upon Reese’s anger baiting him into a chase. the interpreter knows who Al-Sadar is.
Irony/Intrigue: The same interpreter he is often rude and dismissive is the hero that saved him. He finds out the interpreter was a soldier too.
Cover up: Before the market scene. Reese gives his safety speech, meanwhile the Interpreter is called into the commanders office and given a letter. He later reads it in the briefing room and realizes it is another denial letter from the State Department for his Asylum request. He angrily tosses it into the trash and is visibly upset. He will not tell Reese. Reese retrieves the letter and reads it.
Mystery: What is he afraid of? Why won’t he show it to Reese? He believes Reese will never understand and would be of little help.
Intrigue: The letter is coming from the Baghdad office and an individual Reese thought was sympathetic to the plight of the interpreters. Why is he denying the request? We find out later the Iraqi government is demanding the US Army turn over the names of the Interpreters, a request the State Department has resisted until now.
Scheme: Before every mission the Interpreter asks the commander to take care of his family if anything happens to him, but not Reese. Why? When Reese questions him about the letter he is offended that the interpreter has not come to him before.
ACT 2
Covert Agenda: Al-Sadar has decided he will make and example of the interpreter and his family. He ambushes them at their home, killing the Interpreter in front of his family.
Cover Up: the interpreter knew who the Terrorist was but said nothing out of fear. The Terrorist has Iraqi moles even in the units and on the main post.
Conspiracy: Reese and his men deceive their command and protect the widow and her children. Reese believes he can kill Al-Sadar and sets him up at the widows home but he only wounds him. Reese realizes he is up against a skilled opponent.
Intrigue:
Wound connected to the child killed at the market. The widow connects the dots and realizes Reese’s brother was murdered in a drive by shooting.
Cover Up: Authorities also suspect Reese killed the ones responsible for that. He does not return home to Brooklyn or visit his parents like other soldiers.
Mystery: Did he kill his brother’s murderers. Why is he so street smart? We see this in the
First act. He immediately calls for the spotter. He knows someone is watching and waiting to set off the bombs. He doesn’t tip his hand.
Scheme: He decides to play politics and take on the State Department. He will not accept the denial letter and he draws in a Congressman.
Covert Agenda: No one knows he was going to take the Congressman to the family home. The military command didn’t know it was a setup when he volunteered for VIP protection duty. The audience didn’t know either.
ACT 3
Cover Up. Reese and his men are staying at the home of the widow against the orders of the Command. One of the soldiers is killed in a pre-dawn raid by Al-Sadar. The police are slow to respond. The only thing that saves Reese and his men is the QRF. Reese reminds his commander of the promise he made. He knows the Iraqi police are of no help.
Hidden Agenda: Reese uses this time to gather intel. He actually leaves the wire and contacts a local sheik. Reese demands he hand over Al-Sadar or the protection payments will end.
Hidden Identity: There is a mole on the main post identified by the Sheik. The command doesn’t fire him, instead they use him to set up Al-Sadar.
Covert Agenda: By feeding the informant false information the State Department is able to determine who the mole is. Reese follows him and locates Al-Sadar.
A sense of Urgency. Attacks around Baghdad have increased leaving bodies in their wake.
Reese says he can stop them. The CIA and intel mock him asking how a grunt can do what they can’t. He says it is because I know him, I am him!
Scheme: Reese and his men are facing military discipline but Reese cuts a deal to bring Al-Sadar in. He sets up Al-Sadar using the mole. Reese has no intention of bringing Al-Sadar in alive. He tells the mole their will be a small patrol on Heifa Street and when. He also tells the mole he will be leading that patrol. Al- Sadar has his sights set on Reese, the man who injured him.
ACT 4
Hidden Agenda: Reese has convinced the Congressman to sponsor the family in the last act. The Visa is approved and the preparations are made to get them out of Baghdad.
Covert Agenda: More false information is sent out. Al-Sadar takes the bait.
Superior Position: Soldiers from the 81st Airborne are deployed. The audience doesn’t
now they are already in place. Neither does Al-Sadar. Reese and his men act as bait. The battle ensues and Reese kills Al-Sadar and his crew. His command wanted Al-Sadar alive but they will let it go.
Act of Defiance: Reese and his unit take the widow and the family to her husband’s grave.
Intrigue: Seeing the pain of leaving her country forever the widow asks Reese to come see
her again. She also tells him to forgive himself and call his parents. En-Shalla, let it go. She knows what happened.
Wound: The wound Reese has been carrying around all these years is now settled. He calls his parents and they are happy to hear from him. They have forgiven him a long time ago.
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Lloyd has completed this BW Framework.
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Lloyd Shellenberger WIM M4 L6 What do you reveal and when?
One Sentence Vision: Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is…Setup and reveal will serve me well in knowing what goes into each scene and why. This exercise will also help me pace the exposition over strategic areas.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Action / Drama
Genre Convention: Open with action
ACT 1: Reese, his interpreter, and his men are caught up in an act of terrorism by Al-Sadar and his crew in an open-air market in Baghdad.
Opening
Opening scene as Reese and his men patrol the market, bombs are set off and civilians die.
Setup: Reese immediately spots the daisy chained explosives. It appears as though he doesn’t.
Reveal: He is playing it cool in case there are spotters that will immediately trigger the bombs and kill all the civilians.
Reveal: After the explosions we see a flashback of Reese holding his younger brother. He is lying in the street fatally wounded from a gunshot wound.
Setup: Reese in his anger leads his men right into an ambush. One soldier is killed, Reese is to blame.
Reveal His unit holds him responsible for the Soldier’s death. Flashback: His father and mother tell Reese he killed his brother as surely as if he had pulled the trigger himself.
Setup: Reese vows to kill Al-Sadar and make him pay at all costs.
Setup: The Interpreter receives a letter denying him asylum. He tosses the letter in the trash at Reese’s unit.
Reveal Reese finds this letter and takes up his cause. We are aware the Interpreter saved Reese at the market and Reese owes him.
Act 2:
Inciting incident 2: Terrorists return to the interpreter’s home the next day. Despite the American soldiers waiting for them they are unable to stop Al-Sadar from killing the Interpreter in front of his family. The QRF intervenes and saves Reese and the family at the last moment. One soldier is killed along with a terrorist.
Setup: Reese is told information from the dying terrorist.
Reveal: Al-Sadar has his sights set on Reese and his men, but he plans on killing as many soldiers as he can before it is over. This was just the beginning. Attacks are planned all over the city.
Setup: The interpreter knew who Al-Sadar was.
Reveal: That is why Al-Sadar was able to call him on the Interpreter’s cell phone. The Interpreter was too afraid to tell Reese who he was.
Act 3:
Setup: Reese volunteers for VIP protection detail. He has decided to play politics since he has nothing to lose.
Reveal: Reese reveals his plans to the visiting Dakota Congressman and asks him to sponsor the family. This infuriates the State Department since he never let on that he was going to do this. Reese shows him the denial letter.
Setup: Reese made a promise to the Interpreter if anything happened to him.
Reveal: That promise was that he would help his wife and kids at all costs.
Inciting Incident: Meanwhile, attacks in the Baghdad area have increased and another Interpreter is murdered along with several soldiers.
Setup: Somehow Al-Sadar has inside contacts within the US State department through Iraqi soldiers and officers.
Reveal: Al-Sadar discovers the widow and her children have been granted asylum. He cannot allow them to leave. Al-Sadar attempts to kill the widow and her children again. He is unsuccessful. Al-Sadar is wounded during the attack.
Setup: Reese and his men are staying at the Widow’s house, but it is much more than that.
Reveal: Reese has been actively seeking intel on the streets of Baghdad and through the controlling Sheik. Reese threatens to cut off the money source if the Sheik doesn’t give him a name. The Sheik gives him the informants name.
Setup: Reese figures out who the informant is and where he is at. He decides to pass on false information in order to set Al-Sadar up.
Act 4: Reese and his men are reprimanded by the unit and the State Department for intervening. It looks like his career may be over. It also looks like Al-Sadar will go Scott-Free.
Reveal: As exact information is passed on to the terrorist cell. US Army intel isolate the mole and use him to set up Al-Sadar for the final confrontation on Haifa Street. Information is passed on. Al-Sadar is isolated and confronted.
Inciting Incident: A military operations designed to smoke out Al-Sadar begins.
Setup: The final confrontation takes place in Baghdad. Al-Sadar appears to have the advantage of surprise.
Reveal: Al-Sadar has been under their noses the whole time. He does not have the advantage of surprise; in fact, it is just the opposite.
Setup: Reese and his men have one last chance to bring down Al-Sadar. In an epic street battle on Haifa Street, they find and kill him. Al-Sadar never had the advantage it was a setup the whole time.
Reveal: Flashback. Reese killed the gang members that killed his brother. It is one of the reasons he has never gone back to Brooklyn. We see this in the final scene with Al-Sadar in flashbacks.
The Widow and her children are allowed to see the father’s grave. SFC Reese and his men escort them to a military transport and send them to America. Reese vows one day to see the family again.
Reveal: Reese promise he will come to see them when he gets back. There may be something there between Reese and the widow.
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Lloyd Shellenberger WIM Module 4 Lesson 7 Depth Emotional Moments
My Vision Working hard every day to become the best writer in Hollywood and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this lesson is how to map out the possible emotions tied to the actions of my characters.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Action-Drama
Act 1 Emotions:
Positive Emotional Moment as the Interpreter saves the life of SFC Reese.
Negative Emotional Moment: An open wound is revealed. The child and mother that are killed in the bombing reminds him of losing his brother in a drive by shooting.
Courage: Both Reese and his interpreter show incredible courage under fire trying to save lives.
Moral Issue: SFC Reese begins to question what it is he and his soldiers are doing and why after the bombing.
Act 1: Routine patrol turns deadly as the terrorists, Al-Sadar, targets SFC Reese and his men at an open -air market in downtown Baghdad.
Inciting incident: Al-Sadar sets off several daisy chained bombs after taunting Reese and his men. Reese and his men give chase not realizing it was a setup to an ambush.
Act 2 Emotions:
Betrayal Why was the interpreter denied asylum? We will gladly put them in harms way but do nothing to help them. It is a philosophy that rubs Reese the wrong way.
Moral Issue: The interpreter is killed, and the widow left behind, there is no good reason for it. Reese has failed to protect him and his family with no positive outcome.
Loss/Failure Reese and his men were not able to save the father. It is a wound that goes straight to the heart of why Reese and his soldiers are in Iraq. Reese also lost a soldier. It is a bitter pill to swallow.
Hatred and obsession. Reese is obsessed with killing Al-Sadar. He killed the gang members that killed his brother so he is well acquainted with the emotion of revenge.
Act 2: The Interpreter receives the news he was denied an asylum Visa by the State Department.
Inciting incident 2: Terrorists return the next day, but despite the American soldiers waiting for him, Al-Sadar kills the father in front of his children. The QRF intervenes and saves Reese and the family. One soldier is killed.
Act 3: Emotions
Bonding Reese and his men have now bonded with the widow and her children. They will fight to the last man to save her.
Sacrifice Reese and his men face disciplinary measure for leaving the post after hours and Reese is actively seeking Al-Sadar sometimes on his own outside the wire. His command finds out and has a problem with this.
Act 3: SFC Reese and his men are committed to helping the widow at all costs. The old ways of ignoring the suffering of the Iraqi people are gone. Reese has now developed a relationship with the children. Reese intervenes on behalf of the family with the State Department after finding the denial letter. The State Department denies him.
Inciting Incident: Al-Sadar attempts to kill the widow and her children again. He is unsuccessful. Al-Sadar is wounded during the attack. Al-Sadar vows revenge. Meanwhile attacks in the Baghdad area have increased.
A CODEL visits the embassy in Baghdad. Reese convinces the South Dakota Congressman to visit the home of the widow and the children. This convinces the Congressperson to sponsor the family, forcing the State Department to issue an Asylum Visa.
Act 4: Emotions
Distress: As military casualties mount Reese finally has a breakthrough in discovering who Al-Sadar is. Reese promises the Army he can bring Al-Sadar alive, but he has no intention of that.
Courage: Reese and his men meet Al-Sadar, and his men head on at Haifa Street. This is a duel to the death, take no prisoners type of situation.
Mutual Wounds: Reese and his men are on the same page since they also lost their fellow soldier. They want Al-Sadar as badly as Reese does. The wound is what drives them to take extraordinary chances at the end of their tour.
Sacrifice: Reese and his men are willing to sacrifice their careers to help this family. Reese is now keenly aware of the suffering the Iraqi people have endured.
Reese is now at peace and forgives himself for his brother’s death. There is a moment when Reese calls his parents and you know he is finally redeemed.
Act 4: Reese and his men are reprimanded by the unit and the State Department for intervening. It looks like his career may be over.
Inciting Incident: Attacks in the Baghdad area have taken the life of another Interpreter along with the soldiers from a roadside bomb. Military intelligence gets information to the whereabouts of Al-Sadar and his men.
Reese and his men have one last chance to bring down Al-Sadar. In an epic street battle on Haifa Street, they find and kill him. Reese tells him the Hydra is dead.
The Widow and her children are allowed to see the father’s grave. SFC Reese and his men escort them to a military transport and send them to America. Reese vows one day to see the family again.
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BWTV Module 1 Lesson 11 Discovering Creating Irony
Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is the continued examination and turning over rocks to find new solutions and situations is adding layers to the story.
Assignment One:
Title: Breaking Bad
In the last episode, Walter is offered a job and free health care. The irony of this is the man who offered it to him was a college friend.
The stark difference between Walter’s lifestyle and his friends is very evident. Walter gives his friend the most poignant gift, a memory and he is made to feel embarrassed by it.
When Jesse tries to cook meth the quality is nowhere what Walter can do. Prior to this it would have been just fine.
Both men are lost without each other. They belong in the criminal enterprise together even though they don’t really like each other.
Skyler loves him and supports him but she continues to do so even though he really does not step up to the plate for her like he should.
When Jesse tries to get a job, he is offered a menial one at best. He hints at his sales prowess but doesn’t tell them what he sold. It is impossible for him to take the job he is offered since he has made so much more money in the past.
Assignment two:
Title: Benjamin Greene
Genre: Action Drama
Col. Greene turns out to be the one who contacted the Puzzle Works rather than the other way around. This is full of Irony as he promised to leave the Agency for his wife.
Lt. Greene completely trusts his love interest, SGT. Jones. She may be the one that puts him away for life.
Lt. Greene constantly tries to reign in his father’s cruel side but we find out he has killed, sold drugs, and stolen money from drug lords. For a man who portrays himself as his father’s keeper he is a bit shady himself.
SGT. Jones is involved with another agency which could be a huge problem. Col. Greene is aware of it and uses her for disinformation purposes quite well.
Lt. Greene is not faithful to SGT. Jones and has issues that will lead to his eventual down-fall but he proclaims himself to be a career soldier.
SPC. Jones seems like a tech geek and all-around nice guy, but he was involved in the murder of a store clerk in PA.
Col. Greene and his men often ignore Puzzle Works directives stating the total elimination of all evidence, Ironically for reasons of humanity and doing the right thing. The Crew is just as quick to embezzle money and call it their Bahama fund.
The Puzzle Works themselves are questionable at best as they proclaim what they do is for the greater good of the public but is it?
First Sgt. Desmoines is often the first to bark orders and demand Col. Greene do what he must do but the compassionate side of him often prevails.
FBI Agent Stockton presents a respectable front that seems to be beyond reproach but his lust for money and power puts him in compromising positions.
Col. Greene has gone through great lengths to hide his past but his proclivity to kill is not new or unfamiliar to him. His son sees this and questions who his father really is. Col. Greene says one thing and does another.
Situational Irony: As the relationship with the Puzzle Works draws the crew farther and farther away from the military the loyalty between Col. Greene and the military begins to wain as well. Col. Greene has been a career soldier through and through, but he can no longer serve both masters. One must eventually go.
Col. Greene originally just wanted to put in his time and retire but things have changed, now he has been dealt a hand that may undermine all of his hard work.
The same agency Col. Greene works for now may be the one that killed his wife.
The ultimate betrayal and Irony of Col. Benjamin Greene is that his son may be the one that either kills him or sends him to prison for the rest of his life.
This crew is generally tight knit and loyal to each other, but Agent Stockton is a master at finding weaknesses with those who are compromised and exploiting it. In the end, Agent Stockton’s Greed is his undoing.
SGT Jones is dealing with loyalty issues that are causing her internal conflict. The real irony is that she does love Lt. Greene and may have to choose between her job and Lt. Greene.
All three of the leads have put aside money for an exit strategy, but supposedly no one knows the other is doing it.
Col. Greene is a master technician and sees everything that is happening but plays everything close to the vest.
Col. Greene is the antitheses of a hero, but we somehow still root for him. Why?
The old adage, “Just Following Orders” is true here, but it will not save Col. Greene and his crew.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger. Reason: Grammer
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by
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Lloyd Shellenberger Plot and Character Layers
Module 1 Lesson 10 Creating Intriguing Layers
Vision Statement Working Hard every day to become a better writer and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this lesson is… The more layers and questions you create about your characters the more interesting they become.
Assignment 1
Breaking Bad
List of possible plot layers.
Layer 1: Walter White and Jesse Pinkman produce Meth and distribute it while posing as a chemist teacher and car wash owner.
Layer 2: Jesse tries to go straight but no one wants to give him chance. The hidden message here is that Jesse will be back to manufacturing meth whether he wants to or not.
Major Scheme revealed: The life each lead character her wants is being chosen for them and they don’t even know it.
Layer 3: Walter attends a party of one of his colleagues and sees the life they are living vs. his. He wants that too. This is telling as he realizes he no where he wants to be and he may just have to go back to cooking.
Assignment 2
Title: Benjamin Greene
Genre: Action Drama
Character: Col. Benjamin Greene/ Protagonist Anti-hero
List of Possible plot layers
Layer 1: Col Green and his men are assigned to an off-grid agency called the Puzzle Works to complete missions for the Pentagon.
Layer 2: The agency is black bag and unsanctioned, putting Col. Greene and his crew in peril and at odds with his military command.
Additional Plot layers:
1. Col. Greene may have contacted the Puzzle Works himself since he believes they may have killed his wife. He may be seeking revenge.
2. Col Greene may appear as a Special Operations commander racing to retirement but he wants one last “Score” before he goes off into the sunset.
3. Col Greene is being forced back in to protect his son.
4. He has a particular target in mind he needs to get close to so he appears to be the dutiful soldier, he is anything but that.
5. The dynamics of the crew is varied and unpredictable. Who will be the patriot and who will be the villain?
6. Who can Col Greene trust and who does he eliminate?
7. Is there an ultimate betrayal just below the surface and from whom?
8. The dynamic between Col. Greene and Agent Stockton is tense and multi-layered.
9. Because of Col. Greene’s history, do we empathize with Col. Greene or does he turn out to be a greater villain than we suspected?
Major Scheme revealed:
1. The crew has been embezzling the Black bag money themselves for an exit pan.
2. Stealing the drugs and cash of local drug lords appears to be a selfish act of enrichment. It is revealed later to be a setup to end the cartels business with the military and bury the story of the militaries involvement with them.
3. Deidra Jones is Lt. Greene’s lover and she could be an FBI agent or Puzzle Works mole. Either way it will be revealed and she will probably die.
4. The Puzzle works finds out about the money the Greenes are laundering and stealing.
5. Lt. Greene finds out about his fathers prior work with the CIA. He also finds out it may have contributed to his mothers death. They devise a plan to even the score with the Puzzle works.
Mystery Revealed:
1. We get a glimpse of who the Puzzle works are and the scope of their influence. It is frightening!
2. Col Greenes history and influence is revealed and the audience sees how deep into the rabbit hole Greene was in.
3. Will the FBI agent Stockton get Col. Greene? He does have him for a brief second thanks to his son apparent betrayal but we later see it was an illusion.
Thought the story was one thing and we find out it was another.
1. We believed this was a story about a Special Operations unit completing missions for an unknown entity but it could have been a set up to steal money or extract revenge first and foremost.
2. We believed this was also about burying the facts and protecting the government but it was really about the Puzzle Works eliminating its enemies and enriching themselves as well. The level of corruption is disturbing.
Major Shift in Meaning:
1. Once we find out that Col. Greene may have recruited the Puzzle Works and not the other way around it changes the relationship. Why did he contact them and to what end? He is no longer the victim we perceived him to be.
2. Once we find out the true mission statement behind the Puzzle Works, is it as noble or trustworthy as we were led to believe?
3. When Agent Stockton figures out it is Col. Greene, and tries to flip his son does it turn out to be about the money? What is the real reason the FBI wants this shut down?
4. When the audience finds out the major players are planning an exit strategy everything they do takes on a new meaning.
5. There is a reason that 1st Sergeant DesMoines is so vicious. Once we find out why we seem him in a whole new light.
6. When the truth about SGT. Jones is revealed we now understand why she does the things she does.
7. When we see that Lt. Greene has contact with Agent Stockton we believe he is in collaboration with him until the great reveal and we understand he is misleading him or paying him off. Everything he does after that means something entirely different.
Hidden History:
1. Col. Greene’s past as a CIA operative changes our view of him and helps us understand why he is so good at what he does.
2. The First Sergeant has a history as a Special Forces soldier and ex-gang member himself which is why he gravitates toward SPC. Jones
3. SPC Jones is a potential murderer himself and is running from his past.
4. SGT. Jones has been a member of the FBI or Puzzle works for years.
5. Lt. Greene has a sorted hidden story himself that he would prefer to keep secret. That will be plotted later.
Hidden Plan.
1. Is Col. Greene setting up the Puzzle Works to kill those responsible for his wife’s death? Is Lt. Greene helping him or is he even aware of what is happening.
2. Both Col Greene, Lt. Greene, and First Sergeant Des Moines are putting away Black Bag money for a secret exit plan. Everything they do is centered around this. They all know this will go south. Will the Puzzle Works ever find out? They know they can trust no one.
3. SGT. Jones is incognito but we don’t know who she is working for.
4. Col. Greene is aware of this and is planning to get rid of her as discreetly as possible. What he says around her is completely different that what he tells the First Sergeant and even his son. He often uses his son for disinformation purposes since he knows they are secretly dating.
5. Col. Greene and the First Sergeant are working together to deceive the Black Suits and the Puzzle Works. In a reveal to the audience we see they do not betray each other as previously thought.
Major Betrayal:
1. Lt. Green appears to betray his father. Agent Stockton continues to turn up the heat trying to flip him.
2. SGT. Jones will betray Col. Greene and possibly Lt. Greene but she may or may not do it before she is killed.
3. Agent Stockton may turn out to be dirty and betray the FBI.
4. Does Col. Greene betray the First Sergeant or vice versa?
5. Does SPC Jones flip on the crew to save his skin from prosecution?
6. Will the Puzzle Works see Col. Greene and his crew as a liability and end the relationship?
7. Does Col. Greene ever betray his son?
Character Layers:
Secret Identity:
Col. Greene: Killer, ruthless, well connected and former assassin. Alcoholic.
Lt. Greene: Sex addict, manipulator, drug dealer and drug Lord.
First Sergeant: Former Special Forces, ruthless, partner with Lt. Greene stealing drugs and money from dealers and reselling them on the streets.
SGT. Jones: Works for the FBI or Puzzle Works. She is more than likely the reason for the fall of the crew.
SPC. Jones is a former gang member and murderer. Informant.
Plot Surface:
Col. Greene: Protagonist
Layer 1: Protagonist, He is a dutiful Soldier who follows orders. Competent and caring about his crew. His ability to think outside the box is amazing. He is at odds with the world. He appears to be just a commander of a Special Operations unit. Nothing more.
Layer 2: He is well connected with resources and intel he often deploys.
Layer 3: He protects his son and his First Sergeant and is loyal to those in his command. He increasingly becomes more and more at odds with his military command because of the opposing agenda of the Puzzle Works.
Layer 4: He appears to have much more resources available to him than he should. It leads to the questin “who is this guy”. As his military assets decrease, his government assets have increased. This is extremely questionable.
Lt. Greene:
Layer 1: A loyal and competent soldier and son who plays an important role in the success of the mission. Outwardly, he is loyal to the crew.
Layer 2: A trusted confidant to his father and the First Sergeant
Layer 3: A great boyfriend and trusted soul mate to Sgt. Jones but he must keep their relationship secret.
Layer 4: His morals and convictions are far more evident than anyone in the show or they appear to be. He is his father’s keeper and conscience.
SGT Jones:
Layer 1: The Love interest of Lt. Greene
Layer 2: Possibly the Wedge between Lt. Greene and his father.
Layer 3: The question mark that leaves you wondering who she really is. Is she an agent? Is she the possible foil to the crew?
Layer 4: She is Lt. Greenes inner voice and his soul mate. Can she save him?
First Sergeant:
Layer 1: A career soldier who has seen it all. He is Col. Greenes most trusted advisor.
Layer 2: He is willing to do what needs to be done when most others in the crew are not.
Layer 3: Smart and manipulative. He sees danger before everyone else and is Col. Greenes henchman.
Layer 4: He is also well healed and resourceful. What Greene cannot bring to the table or lacks he can provide. They are two pieces that compliment on another.
SPC. Jones:
Layer 1: Highly technical and competent
Layer 2: Top notch soldier who follows orders without question but he is compromised
Layer 3: He seems a bit off as though we never seems to see the complete story behind him.
Layer 4: Guarded and distrustful.
Agent Stockton Antagonist
Layer 1: Antagonist Highly technical and competent, A bulldog and a bit of a thug.
Layer 2: Well respected by the agency and above reproach.
Layer 3: He is brilliant and misses nothing. He is designed to connect the dots for the audiences.
Layer 4: Confrontational and not above using his authority to his advantage.
Character Surface:
Col. Greene: Protagonist
Layer 1: Competent and experienced commander. Committed and patriotic.
Layer 2: Loving father.
Layer 3 Grieving Husband
Layer 4: Uncompromising and knowledgable. A born leader.
Lt. Brian Greene:
Layer 1: Competent Soldier and loyal son. A good man. Like his father a born leader.
Layer 2: Cautious and observant. He misses nothing.
Layer 3 Devoted and loyal to those around him.
Layer 4: His immoral choices are causing internal conflict. Of all the characters on the show his is the most conflicted by far.
SGT.Jones:
Layer 1: Competent Soldier brilliant tactician and advisor behind the First Sergeant
Layer 2: We don’t know much about her. She was assigned to the unit one day and there are question marks that exist about her.
Layer 3: From and intel perspective she is the best in the unit. How does she know the things she does?
Layer 4: Loving and nurturing to Lt. Greene. Does not approve of Col. Greene.
SPC Jones:
Layer 1: Amiable and friendly but not necessarily forthcoming. Doesn’t speak about his past.
Layer 2: We know he lied to the commander about where he was from. He was assigned to the unit one day and there are question marks that exist about him.
Layer 3: From and weapons and technical perspective, he is the third best in the unit behind Col. Greene and the First Sergeant.
Layer 4: He is perhaps the hardest worker in the unit. Like Pauline from CSI he is dependable and knowledgeable.
Agent Stockton: Antagonist
Layer 1: While he appears to be man of conviction their is an air of brutality about him that suggest their are no limits he won’t cross to accomplish any goal.
Layer 2: Brilliant and unflappable.
Layer 3: His methods and approach to others leaves little room for compromise.
Layer 4: Willing to do whatever is needed to win.
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Binge Worthy TV Module 1 Lesson 9 Inviting Obsession Open Loops
Lloyd Shellenberger
My vision Statement Working hard Everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this lesson is to create the questions up front the audience will stick around and watch the show to get.
ASSIGNMENT 1
Big Picture Open Loops for Benjamin Greene
Open Loop 1: Will the FBI agent Stockton get Col. Greene?
Open Loop 2: When The Agent Stockton figures out it is Col. Greene, can he flip his son to turn him?
Open Loop 3: Does Col. Greene turn on First Sergeant Desmoine or the reverse?
Open Loop 4: Will Col. Greene come to distrust SGT. Diedra Jones and see her as a liability, what will he do when he does? Will he kill her despite the fact his son loves her?
Open Loop 5: Does SGT. Jones convince Lt. Greene to walk away from his father and transfer. She believes Col. Greene is toxic?
Open Loop 6: Does pressure from Des Moines convince Col. Greene to step up his game and be more efficient and leave nothing behind?
Open Loop 7: Will the Puzzle works ever find out about the money the Greenes are laundering and stealing or the exit plans they are putting in place?
Open Loop 8: Will SPC Allan Jones start thinking for himself and when he does will he turn his back on the crew?
Open Loop 9: Col. Greene is an indiscriminate killer that includes the Black suits. Will the Puzzle works ever blame Col. Greene for the death of their men?
Open Loop 10: Will the puzzle Works ever see Col. Greene and his crew as a liability and if they do what will they do to end the relationship.
Open Loop 11: Will his son, Lt. Greene ever find out about his prior work with the CIA?
Open Loop 12: SGT. Is Deidra Jones a mole from the Puzzle works or an FBI Agent? Will Col. Greene kill her?
Open Loop 13: SPC Allan Jones Will they ever find out Jones was involved in the murder of a store clerk during a robbery in PA?
Open Loop 14: From the very first episode we see there is something more to Col Greene than meets the eye but what is it?
Open Loop 15: Did the Puzzle Works kill his wife and if so is Col Greene’s journey about revenge? Is he appearing to go along so he can extract revenge?
Goals related to the big picture? Both Col Greene, Lt. Greene and First Sergeant Des Moines are putting away Black Bag money for a secret exit plan. Everything they do is centered around this. They all know this will go south. Will the Puzzle Works ever find out? They know they can trust no one.
Crushed goals? For Lt. Greene the promise of an honest and pure career with the Military is over.
For Col Greene The promise of leaving his former life behind is over. Can he ever get it back and keep the promise he made to his wife?
New Goals: Col. Greene and his son, and the crew must now create a plan to protect themselves from the Puzzle Works, Black Suits, and the FBI.
Their relationship with the Army has now changed even though it appears normal on the surface it is anything but that.
Competition / conflict around goals? Col. Greene never wanted his son involved with the Puzzle works.
CONSEQUENCES: Are they going to be caught?
If anyone is caught it is certain prison and dishonorable discharge at the very least. Life in prison or death is also possible.
What problems can be created from past actions? The past life of Col. Greene as a CIA assassin has already nested home and dragged his son into it. The Army is not letting anyone in the unit transfer out so everyone he is involved with must pay for his crimes.
Good plans gone wrong? Col. Greene tried to transfer his son out to protect him but the Puzzle works and the Army will not let him. Col Greene does his best to protect his soldiers but that isn’t always possible.
SOLVING PROBLEMS: What is the major problem for this character?
For Col Greene it is getting his son out and leaving this life behind. For Lt. Greene it is Helping his father stakeout of jail and getting away from this himself. For the First Sergeant the goal is the same do their job and leave this behind.
What are they trying to solve? A Puzzle.
Who’s is the Puzzle Works and how can we get as far away from them as possible once the crew realizes how toxic they are?
Major change imposed on character?
Col. Greene had left his past life behind and was content to sail off into the sunset as a retired soldier. For Lt. Greene he is becoming his father and he is a good man at heart who doesn’t want to kill or be part of this. The 1st Sergeant is treating this as his last run.
Previous solutions cause new problems?
In the past the crew was simply following orders under the Special Operations umbrella but now they are committing crimes like murder and theft under the umbrella of Government operations. The crew will not be justified and Agent Stockton will feast.
RELATIONSHIPS:
Relationships in peril?
Col. Greene and his son will become possible enemies or in the very least distrust each other?
New relationships forming? Between Lt. Greene and SGT. Jones
Conflict inside relationships?
Lt. Greene and SGT Jones disagree on the future role and involvement of his father in his life. Can SGT. Jones drag him away from the influence of his father?
Relationships changing? The loving and trusting relationship between Lt. Greene and his father becomes an unstable and distrusting relationship that may lead to one or the other or both of their deaths. Lt. Greene sees his father as a brutal man who he disagrees with his methods. The relationship between Lt. Greene and SGT. Jones will also suffer due to the stresses of the job. Secrets will also strain the relationships to the breaking point over time.
DANGER / SURVIVAL / RISKS:
Can they survive the missions and the close scrutiny?
Putting themselves in danger / making dangerous decisions that will put Agent Stockton on their trail.
Who else is pulled into their danger? Everyone in the crew. Anyone who crosses the path of the Puzzle works, friends, family.
Internal dangers (drug addiction, need for medicine, inner demons)?
Col. Greene finds comfort in the bottle at times while his son finds it in dangerous sexual situations. He often cheats on SGT. Jones. The audience will question how much different from his father is he?
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by
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Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result i become the best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 4 Lesson 5 Character Action Traits
What I have learned from this lesson is…The definition and emotional makeup of each scene and act is becoming more defined.
Character: SFC Jerry Reese
Character Profiles: Smart, can be defiant, tricky and vengeful, Well liked,
Old Ways: Indifferent at times, rigid and often by the book, Well versed in tactics but people confuse him sometimes.
New Ways: Reese at the turning point of this script commits to the family and maybe even the end of his career. He risks his life and sometimes throws caution to the wind to save them.
Act 1: Before the Patrol, Reese and his men are getting ready for their patrol. Reese is by the book.
Emotional state: We see them men jokingly call him “Har Commadent” because he wants everything prepared and by the book. In the future he will still rely on Protocol, Procedures, and Tactics but good old fashioned intuition is essential too.
Routine patrol turns deadly as the terrorist , Al-Sadar, targets SFC Reese and his men at an open air market in downtown Baghdad.
Emotional State: During the Patrol Reese spots the daisy chained M-122’s and realizes the market is set to blow. His street senses are at full alert.
A. His character’s emotional response is that he expects and demands compliance. Reese’s soldiering and street instincts kick in immediately along with his training.
In the future Reese will be more understanding of those around him who think outside the box since it saved him.
B. In the future Reese He will be more cautious dealing with Al-Sadar when he realizes he is up against a ruthless and capable opponent.
Inciting incident: Al-Sadar sets off several daisy chained bombs after taunting Reese and his men.
C. After a mother and child are killed his response borders on indifferent. This angers the Interpreter who knew the mother and child. His daughter went to school with the victims. This can be best shown when Reese sees the interpreters Son or Daughter’s reaction to the news.
Emotional State: In the future Reese understand it isn’t just the soldiers who are paying the cost for this war but the Iraqi’s as well.
Reese is taunted by Al-Sadar who somehow has the interpreters number. The number is a burner phone Al-Sadar uses. Reese spots him on a balcony overlooking the park.
Emotional State:
D. Reese responds with rage and vengeance giving chase to Al-Sadar only to find out is was a set up he has led his men into. Reese out-thinks Al-Sadar and saves his men. He is reprimanded for his actions.
In the future Reese sees Al-Sadar as someone that must die.
Act 2: The Interpreter receives the news he has been denied an asylum Visa.
Inciting incident: Terrorists visit the home of the Interpreter and his family and threaten him.
Emotional State: He hesitates to let Reese know because he feels as though Reese is just a small part of the big machine and he will not fight for Him.
A. Ironically, when Reese finds out his response is totally unexpected. Reese sees this as a complete betrayal of the Interpreter and his family.
B. He gradually becomes defiant and suspicious of the system as a whole.
2nd Inciting incident: Terrorists return the next day but despite the American soldiers waiting for him he kills the father in front of his children. The QRF intervenes and saves his family, and the soldiers at this home. One soldier dies.
1. Emotional State: Reese did not believe he could be defeated by Al-Sadar but the QRF is the only thing that saved him. He realizes Al-Sadar is very capable.
A. He is now becoming obsessed with Al-Sadar. This obsession may blind him and put his safety and that of his soldiers at risk. He doesn’t care he must find Al-Sadar!
B. He leaves the wire at night to gather intel putting himself at risk.
Reese intervenes on behalf of the family with the State Department after finding the denial letter. The State Department denies him.
Emotional State: When it comes to the State Department his relationship with the State Department and Ambassador Delaney, it has gone from comfortable and working to confrontational because of the family’s denial.
C. This only deepens his distrust in what he and his soldiers are doing in Iraq.
Act 3: SFC Reese and his men are committed to helping the widow at all costs.
Emotional State: The old ways of ignoring the suffering of the Iraqi people are gone. Reese has now developed a relationship with the children and cares for the family.
Inciting Incident: Al-Sadar attempts to kill the widow and her children again. He is unsuccessful. Al-Sadar is wounded. Al-Sadar vows revenge. Meanwhile attacks in the Baghdad area have increased.
Emotional State: This second attack has only deepened Reese’s commitment. There is no turning back.
A. This has only confirmed his belief that Al-Sadar must die before he kills the family. His obsession with Al-Sadar cannot be turned back. There is a frightening and destructive side to him now that can only be put to rest when Al-Sadar is dead.
B. Reese knows what he is about to do will draw the Ire of every official involved in the case and the end of his relationship with Ambassador Delaney. This is a matter of his soul he cannot ignore.
C. He must be deceptive in order to pull this off. A CODEL from several states visits the embassy in Baghdad. Reese convinces the South Dakota Congressman to visit the home of the widow and the children. Reese convinces the Congressman to sponsor the family, forcing the State Department to issue an Asylum Visa. Reese is threatened with administrative action.
Emotional State: Reese has now stepped over the line by taking the Congressman and his staff to the widow’s home. Even though is a world of hurt his conscience is clear.
D. He believes his career may be over but he no longer cares or respects a system that would let a women and her children die.
E. He also knows the Baghdad police are of no help. He does not trust them. If they stay behind they will die. He sees them as part of the problem.
Act 4: Reese and his men are reprimanded by his unit and the State Department for intervening. It looks like it is over and Reese and his men may be sent back stateside.
Inciting Incident: Attacks in the Baghdad area have taken the life of another Interpreter along with the soldiers from a roadside bomb.
Emotional State: Al-Sadar is his last and most important job. He is obsessed. It could kill him but he will never back down.
Reese and his men get information to the whereabouts of Al-Sadar and his men.
SFC Reese convinces his unit to give him and his men one last chance to bring down
A.Reese briefs his men. He tells them they are being sent back but they have one last mission, to kill Al-Sadar and his men and get the family on a plane. This is all that counts.
B. Those who go with him may face reprisals so it is their choice. The Soldiers back Reese and agree to go after Al-Sadar.
Emotional State: They either stop Al-Sadar or they go back with their tail tucked between their legs. Reese sees this as all or nothing, no in-betweens.
C. Al-Sadar. When an an epic street battle on Hifa street ensues, they find and kill him. Reese tells him the Medusa is dead motherfucker.
Emotional State: Reese has redeemed himself for the death of his brother.
D. The Widow and her children are finally allowed to see the interpreter’s grave.
E. SFC Reese and his men escort the family to a military transport and send them to America. Reese vows one day to see the family again.
Emotional State. Reese is at peace for the first time since he left Brooklyn and more importantly with his family.
F. He can be seen calling his father and mother for the first time in years. They are happy to hear from him.
Sorry Forgot to include what I had learned
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Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result i become the best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 4 Lesson 5 Character Action Traits
What I have learned from this lesson is…The more defined the emotional responses the more the character will make sense and the scene will make sense.
Character: SFC Jerry Reese
Character Profiles: Smart, can be defiant, tricky and vengeful, Well liked,
Old Ways: Indifferent at times, rigid and often by the book, Well versed in tactics but people confuse him sometimes.
New Ways: Reese at the turning point of this script commits to the family and maybe even the end of his career. He risks his life and sometimes throws caution to the wind to save them.
Act 1: Before the Patrol, Reese and his men are getting ready for their patrol. Reese is by the book.
Emotional state: We see them men jokingly call him “Har Commadent” because he wants everything prepared and by the book. In the future he will still rely on Protocol, Procedures, and Tactics but good old fashioned intuition is essential too.
Routine patrol turns deadly as the terrorist , Al-Sadar, targets SFC Reese and his men at an open air market in downtown Baghdad.
Emotional State: During the Patrol Reese spots the daisy chained M-122’s and realizes the market is set to blow. His street senses are at full alert.
A. His character’s emotional response is that he expects and demands compliance. Reese’s soldiering and street instincts kick in immediately along with his training.
In the future Reese will be more understanding of those around him who think outside the box since it saved him.
B. In the future Reese He will be more cautious dealing with Al-Sadar when he realizes he is up against a ruthless and capable opponent.
Inciting incident: Al-Sadar sets off several daisy chained bombs after taunting Reese and his men.
C. After a mother and child are killed his response borders on indifferent. This angers the Interpreter who knew the mother and child. His daughter went to school with the victims. This can be best shown when Reese sees the interpreters Son or Daughter’s reaction to the news.
Emotional State: In the future Reese understand it isn’t just the soldiers who are paying the cost for this war but the Iraqi’s as well.
Reese is taunted by Al-Sadar who somehow has the interpreters number. The number is a burner phone Al-Sadar uses. Reese spots him on a balcony overlooking the park.
Emotional State:
D. Reese responds with rage and vengeance giving chase to Al-Sadar only to find out is was a set up he has led his men into. Reese out-thinks Al-Sadar and saves his men. He is reprimanded for his actions.
In the future Reese sees Al-Sadar as someone that must die.
Act 2: The Interpreter receives the news he has been denied an asylum Visa.
Inciting incident: Terrorists visit the home of the Interpreter and his family and threaten him.
Emotional State: He hesitates to let Reese know because he feels as though Reese is just a small part of the big machine and he will not fight for Him.
A. Ironically, when Reese finds out his response is totally unexpected. Reese sees this as a complete betrayal of the Interpreter and his family.
B. He gradually becomes defiant and suspicious of the system as a whole.
2nd Inciting incident: Terrorists return the next day but despite the American soldiers waiting for him he kills the father in front of his children. The QRF intervenes and saves his family, and the soldiers at this home. One soldier dies.
1. Emotional State: Reese did not believe he could be defeated by Al-Sadar but the QRF is the only thing that saved him. He realizes Al-Sadar is very capable.
A. He is now becoming obsessed with Al-Sadar. This obsession may blind him and put his safety and that of his soldiers at risk. He doesn’t care he must find Al-Sadar!
B. He leaves the wire at night to gather intel putting himself at risk.
Reese intervenes on behalf of the family with the State Department after finding the denial letter. The State Department denies him.
Emotional State: When it comes to the State Department his relationship with the State Department and Ambassador Delaney, it has gone from comfortable and working to confrontational because of the family’s denial.
C. This only deepens his distrust in what he and his soldiers are doing in Iraq.
Act 3: SFC Reese and his men are committed to helping the widow at all costs.
Emotional State: The old ways of ignoring the suffering of the Iraqi people are gone. Reese has now developed a relationship with the children and cares for the family.
Inciting Incident: Al-Sadar attempts to kill the widow and her children again. He is unsuccessful. Al-Sadar is wounded. Al-Sadar vows revenge. Meanwhile attacks in the Baghdad area have increased.
Emotional State: This second attack has only deepened Reese’s commitment. There is no turning back.
A. This has only confirmed his belief that Al-Sadar must die before he kills the family. His obsession with Al-Sadar cannot be turned back. There is a frightening and destructive side to him now that can only be put to rest when Al-Sadar is dead.
B. Reese knows what he is about to do will draw the Ire of every official involved in the case and the end of his relationship with Ambassador Delaney. This is a matter of his soul he cannot ignore.
C. He must be deceptive in order to pull this off. A CODEL from several states visits the embassy in Baghdad. Reese convinces the South Dakota Congressman to visit the home of the widow and the children. Reese convinces the Congressman to sponsor the family, forcing the State Department to issue an Asylum Visa. Reese is threatened with administrative action.
Emotional State: Reese has now stepped over the line by taking the Congressman and his staff to the widow’s home. Even though is a world of hurt his conscience is clear.
D. He believes his career may be over but he no longer cares or respects a system that would let a women and her children die.
E. He also knows the Baghdad police are of no help. He does not trust them. If they stay behind they will die. He sees them as part of the problem.
Act 4: Reese and his men are reprimanded by his unit and the State Department for intervening. It looks like it is over and Reese and his men may be sent back stateside.
Inciting Incident: Attacks in the Baghdad area have taken the life of another Interpreter along with the soldiers from a roadside bomb.
Emotional State: Al-Sadar is his last and most important job. He is obsessed. It could kill him but he will never back down.
Reese and his men get information to the whereabouts of Al-Sadar and his men.
SFC Reese convinces his unit to give him and his men one last chance to bring down
A.Reese briefs his men. He tells them they are being sent back but they have one last mission, to kill Al-Sadar and his men and get the family on a plane. This is all that counts.
B. Those who go with him may face reprisals so it is their choice. The Soldiers back Reese and agree to go after Al-Sadar.
Emotional State: They either stop Al-Sadar or they go back with their tail tucked between their legs. Reese sees this as all or nothing, no in-betweens.
C. Al-Sadar. When an an epic street battle on Hifa street ensues, they find and kill him. Reese tells him the Medusa is dead motherfucker.
Emotional State: Reese has redeemed himself for the death of his brother.
D. The Widow and her children are finally allowed to see the interpreter’s grave.
E. SFC Reese and his men escort the family to a military transport and send them to America. Reese vows one day to see the family again.
Emotional State. Reese is at peace for the first time since he left Brooklyn and more importantly with his family.
F. He can be seen calling his father and mother for the first time in years. They are happy to hear from him.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by
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Lloyd Shellenberger
WIMM4L4 Basic Plotting
My Vision Working hard everyday to become the best writer in Hollywood and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this lesson is how to center the beats and build them forward or backward.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Action-Drama
Act 1: Routine patrol turns deadly as the terrorist , Al-Sadar, targets SFC Reese and his men at an open air market in downtown Baghdad.
Inciting incident: Al-Sadar sets off several daisy chained bombs after taunting Reese and his men. Reese and his men give chase not realizing it was a setup to an ambush.
Act 2: The Interpreter receives the news he has been denied an asylum Visa.
Inciting incident: Terrorists visit the home of the Interpreter and his family and threaten him.
2nd Inciting incident: Terrorists return the next day but despite the American soldiers waiting for him he kills the father in front of his children. The QRF intervenes and saves his family, and the soldiers at this home. One soldier dies.
Act 3: SFC Reese and his men are committed to helping the widow at all costs. The old ways of ignoring the suffering of the Iraqi people are gone. Reese has now developed a relationship with the children. Reese intervenes on behalf of the family with the State Department after finding the denial letter. The State Department denies him.
Inciting Incident: Al-Sadar attempts to kill the widow and her children again. He is unsuccessful. Al-Sadar is wounded. Al-Sadar vows revenge. Meanwhile attacks in the Baghdad area have increased.
A CODEL visits the embassy in Baghdad. Reese convinces the South Dakota Congressman to visit the home of the widow and the children. This convinces the Congressman to sponsor the family, forcing the State Department to issue an Asylum Visa.
<font face=”inherit”>Act 4: Reese and his men are </font>reprimanded<font face=”inherit”> by his unit and the State Department for intervening. It looks like his career may be over. </font>
<font face=”inherit”>Inciting Incident: Attacks in the Baghdad area have taken the life of another Interpreter along with the soldiers from a roadside bomb. Military </font>intelligence<font face=”inherit”> gets information to the whereabouts of Al-Sadar and his men. </font>
Reese and his men are given one last chance to bring down Al-Sadar. In an epic street battle on Hifa street, they find and kill him. Reese tells his the Hydra is dead.
The Widow and her children are finally allowed to see the interpreter’s grave. SFC Reese and his men escort them to a military transport and send them to America. Reese vows one day to see the family again.
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Lloyd’s Beat Sheet. First rough draft
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…the specifics and structure are coming together as a result of each layer.
Working Hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Action / Drama
ACT 1: SFC Reese meets his antagonist and is put in a life and death situation at the Baghdad open market.
Reese PJ 1: Reese comes from the tough streets of New York and has come to see the Army as a safe and soft landing he is comfortable with.
Reese PJ 2: Reese commands a unit of Soldiers on patrol in Baghdad. When bombs are set to go off, Reese recognizes this and must out-think the terrorist to save himself and others around him.
Al-Sadar AJ 1: Al-Sadar has been watching this Army unit for months waiting for the right moment to attack them. Reese represents a feather in his cap and a strong message to the Americans to go home.
Deeper Layer: Every death, every murder is an act of revenge for the death of Al-Sadar’s family.
Al-Sadar AJ 2: Al-Sadar mocks him, telling him the death of the Iraqi’s will be on his hands and he must choose who lives and who dies.
INCITING INCIDENT: When Al-Sadar taunts Reese telling him he can only save one but not both this is coupled with the fact Al-Sadar knows who the Interpreter is.
Al-Sadar AJ 3: When Reese spots him on balcony it is a clear message the two are locked in mortal combat with only one outcome
Deeper Layer: Al-Sadar is deeply committed to killing everyone involved with the coalition forces. He believes what he is doing is an act of war to rid the country of the infidels. Despite this he knows no amount of dead soldiers will ever compensate him for the murder of his family.
Reese PJ 3: Reese tries to reason with him to no avail.
Al-Sadar AJ 4: Al-Sadar activates the bombs and with one simple call he call set off a chain of deadly events. He calls the interpreter and tells him to tell Reese to make a choice his men or the Iraqis !
TURNING POINT 1: Al-Sadar detonates the bombsDeep Layer reveal: Reese doesn’t know he is about to put his military career in jeopardy. He is met with considerable resistance after the bombing. This is where he decides his career is not worth turning his back on the family. He asks God and his conscience for guidience for the first time ever.
ACT 2: The Interpreter and his wife receive a letter denying them asylum. He tells Reese that day and Reese confronts the State Department Representative asking him why.
Reese PJ 3 : Reese knows he cannot protect him from Al-Sadar. This is beginning to look exactly like the death of his brother in which he could do nothing.
Al-Sadar AJ 5: Al-Sadar has a new focus, He visits the Interpreter’s home to warn him or kill him and his family.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: When the Interpreter sees him he does not let on he knows him to save his life. Al-Sadar was once a good man that valued life. He was also the teacher for his daughter as well.Reese PJ 4: Reese is beginning to understand Soldiers are not the only ones suffering because of the war.
Reese PJ 5: Reese and his soldiers take up the cause of the family trying to protect them.
Al-Sadar AJ 6: Al-Sadar decides he will kill the interpreter and his family.
Deeper Layer: Al-Sadar decides the Americans must be met head on and every interpreter should face his wrath for their traitorous acts.
Al-Sadar AJ 7: Al-Sadar sends a foot soldier to scout the family and get intel. He comes back and tells him the Americans are waiting for him. Al-Sadar is furious.
INCITING INCIDENT: Al-Sadar openly defies the US Military, Reese and his unit and attacks the family despite their security, He manages to kill an American Soldier.Al-Sadar AJ 8: Al-Sadar is injured but he cannot go to a hospital He vows revenge on Reese and his men.
Deeper Layer: Al-Sadar is deeply committed to killing everyone involved with the coalition forces. He believes what he is doing is an act of war to rid the country of the infidels. Despite this he knows no amount of dead soldiers will ever compensate him for the murder of his family.
Reese PJ 6: Reese is also injured but will not return stateside.
Al-Sadar AJ 9: Al-Sadar threatens the local Sheik who protects the Americans for safe passage money. Al-Sadar attacks the family home and kills the father in front of his children despite being warned not to.
TURNING POINT 2: The father is killed in front of the family. Reese i saved by the QRF at the last second.
Al-Sadar AJ 10: Al-Sadar makes another attempt to kill the mother but fails.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: SFC Reese contacts the South Dakota congressman who agrees to sponsor them. He then walks the paperwork into the State Department personally. SFC Reese reveals to the widow how he lost his brother and the revenge he took on the rival gang members.ACT THREE: Rethinking Everything: Reese and his soldiers ignore orders and put themselves in harms way to save the wife and children defying military directives.
Old ways: The unit and the family are dealing with an unresponsive slow bureaucracy that will not help them. The unit tells the family “we are not personal bodyguards for anyone” betraying the family by adhering to the old ways and thinking.
Turning Point/Huge failure/Major shift: Reese decides to fight fire with fire using the press to force career opticians in the State department to do the right thing infuriating the powers that be. He gives an exclusive to NBC calling out the asylum policies of the State Department.
Reese PJ 7: During a Congressional Visit Reese takes the delegates to the families home and exposes the State Department refusal to give the Widow and the Children Asylum. This infuriates the Ambassador but he can do nothing when the Congressman offers to sponsor the family. An emergency Visa is issued. The catch is the family must go through a waiting period imposed by the Iraqi Government.
Al-Sadar 11: Al-Sadar has stepped up his attacks on Baghdad and the Americans. He finds out about the plans to take the widow to America and orders she be killed.
Turning Point: Following an early morning patrol several members of the military are killed despite safe passage money. Reese visits a Sheik and wants intel on Al-Sadar or he cut off the cash flow. The Sheik gives up Al-Sadar.
Reese PJ 8: Following the death of the soldiers on patrol Reese says he has intel on Al-Sadar and he will find him. The command does not want Al-Sadar alive. This is the tradeoff for getting the family out.
Al-Sadar AJ 12: Al-Sadar feeds his mole false intel to set up Reese and his unit. Reese recognizes it as a trap and sells the initiative to take on Hifa Street to clear out the terrorists once and for all.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Reese PJ 9 : Reese and his unit go on the offensive actively seeking out confrontation with the terrorists, openly defying the military and the State Department.
In an early morning raid in another part of Baghdad several terrorist and bomb makers are killed but this was a distraction that Reese uses to raid Al-Sadar’s hideout.
Al-Sadar AJ 13: In his last breath before Reese kills him he tells him you are taking nothing that hasn’t already been lost, Al-Sadar may have been saying he will be finally at peace.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 4: Al-Sadar 13. Reese and his unit take the wife and her children to the interpreter’s grave openly defying terrorists threats before taking the family out of Baghdad.
Deep Layer Reveal: The widow and Reese have become very close as well as the children. He has saved them but more importantly himself and shows that his mistakes don’t have to label him for the rest of his life. Reese finally calls his parents with whom he has not spoken to in years.
The family relocates to America, freedom and safety.
Reese saves his military career and restores his belief in the system he believed failed the family
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WBWTV Module 1 Lesson 7 Empathy/Distress : The Binge Worthy Drug!
Lloyd Shellenberger
Working Hard Everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
ASSIGNMENT 2:
A: Undeserved Misfortune:
1. The death of his wife and being dragged back into the Puzzle Works. The very same people he left for his wife. His fear is this could cost him and his son everything is overwhelming, distressing, and very real.
2. Both Col. Greene and Lt. Greene and their men know they are dealing with a 3 headed monster that will eventually bite them, not to mention the FBI agent who is never far behind. Because of the missions given to them, they are now under constant surveillance and investigation by the FBI and Black suits.
3. The audience feels for them as Col. Greene sinks further into drinking and his son, who is a good man by nature, sinks into character traits that are not him. The audience also feels for Col Greene as a father. He never wanted this for his son.
4. The opening episode runs into multiple roadblocks from trying to get wheels up for Afghanistan to almost dying in Afghanistan when his convoy is bombed.
B. External Character Conflicts/Show Empathy/Distress:
1. The FBI’s attempts to hunt him down and stop the missions are the most obvious. Agent Stockton has made it his personal goal in life to end Col Greene. More often than not, he is one step away from putting Col Greene away for life.
2. Black suits from other agencies make demands that put Col. Greene and his crew at risk. Col. Greene must navigate those risks and complete the missions.
3. The Affair between Lt. Greene and Jones is a serious case of fraternization that could end both of their careers and a compromising secret Agent Stockton tries to leverage to bring his father down.
4. Col. Greene and his First Sergeant work well together often giving out false gaffes that each understands implicitly. This will come in handy when faced up against the Black Suits, FBI, and the focus of their missions. Many times it appears they are at odds but they really are working together to give that appearance.
C: Plot Intruding On Life:
1. Col. Greene is running toward retirement and his exit plan. It always seems to be a fingertip away then it is snatched from him. He knows time is running out for him and his son.
2. Col. Greene’s desperate need to protect his son and his crew are his greatest vulnerability. The Puzzle Works, FBI, and Black Suits exploit this masterfully. This spills over into their personal lives if each had one!
3. Conversely, Lt. Greene’s loyalty to his dad is often challenged and exploited. Lt. Greene also seems to be right on the cusp of escaping as well but it never materializes. You often wonder will Lt. Greene give in.
D: Moral Dilemmas:
1. Col. Green and his crew are often asked to kill or silence others who were purposely sent to their demise by the very same government that recruited them.
2. No one faces a greater moral dilemma than Lt. Greene who watches his fathers humanity and character sink deeper into the abyss, mission after mission. Lt. Greene knows a reckoning is coming, he also knows he is danger of losing his moral compass too.
3. Lt. Greene is being coerced to turn on Col. Greene, the First Sergeant, and Jones. He knows they are in mortal danger even when the other characters don’t.
4. Eventually Lt. Greene is either forced to kill his father or protect him and give him an out, at the end of the shows run. It appears as though he chooses to kill him in order to save him from prison. It appears!!! I am toying with that. It may be a dead Col Greene who kills Agent Stockton and the Puzzle Works informant.
Forced Decisions They’d Never Make:
1. Eventually Lt. Greene is either forced to kill his father or protect him and give him an out at the end of the show’s run. It appears as though he chooses to kill him in order to save him from prison. It appears!!!
2. Col. Greene sees Jones as a liability he expects his son to jettison. The problem is Lt. Greene loves her and cannot harm her.
3. Col. Greene’s orders are very clear, leave nothing behind and no one alive. He is often faced with impossible choices during each mission that test his and his son’s moral code. These decisions involve life and death and the killing those who don’t deserve it.
4. In the end Lt. Greene must choose between his freedom, the people he cares about and killing Agent Stockton. At the end of season 5 or 6 these decisions force him to implement his exit strategy or face death or prison. Killing is not Lt. Greene’s favorite pastime and he dislikes his fathers aptitude for it. He does not find out until a few seasons later what Col. Greene did for the CIA. He must often stand up against his father and the First Sergeant to save lives.
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Lloyd Shellenberger-(WIM) Module 4 Lesson 2 The Deeper Layers
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this exercise is really making sure the story hook packs a punch when revealed. Seven was one of the greatest twists I ever saw.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Action-Drama
Main Conflict or High Concept:
When an Iraqi interpreter is murdered, SFC Reese and his soldier’s risk everything to save the widow and children from the wrath of a terrorist hellbent on revenge.
Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle
Surface Layer: SFC Reese appears to be a dutiful soldier but when pushed By Al-Sadar he proves to be a worthy opponent who will not back down. When the State Department drags their feet, he is very adept at playing politics.
Deeper Layer: SFC Reese is looking for redemption. After his brother was killed by a rival gang in a drive-by shooting, Reese has never forgiven himself for it.
Major Reveal: SFC Reese did kill the gang members that killed his brother.
Influences Surface Story: On the surface SFC Reese and his men are inching toward their ticket home but Reese cannot leave the family behind. He knows he could never look back at another failure that costs the life of someone he knew.
Hints: SFC Reese is often overly protective of the children and the widow. He is overly cautious while on missions and patrols often being hamstrung by his paranoia. He is harsh with soldiers who he feels do not take the safety of the family and their fellow soldiers serious enough.
Changes Reality: SFC Reese goes from a soldier who is just trying to finish his tour of duty uneventfully to actively seeking out confrontation with Al-Sadar. They have each other in their sights and one must die or both. He knows he must kill Al-Sadar in order for the family to survive. He also realizes this will not bring his brother back.
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Lloyd Shellenberger WIM Module 4 — Lesson 1: Character Journey Structure
Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I Learned from this exercise is….The continued refinement of my characters allows me to know them better and keep them true to the High Concept.
My Vision: Working hard everyday to become the vest writer I can be and as a result I will become very successful in Hollywood.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Drama-Action
High Concept: When an Iraqi interpreter is murdered by terrorists, SFC Reese and his Army unit must step in to save the widow and her children from certain death.
Major Story Hook: Impossible Goal/ Unsolvable Problem: SFC Reese must battle against the State Department, terrorists, and the military bureaucracy to take the widow and her children out of Baghdad to freedom.
Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle.
Character Name and Role: SFC Jerry Reese/Protagonist
ACT ONE: Opening Incident SFC Reese and his unit patrol an open air market in Baghdad. The market is bombed by a ruthless terrorist named Al-Sadar. SFC Reese now faces the humanity of the situation when the children are killed. One of the children killed was a fellow student of his interpreter’s daughter and son.
Turning Point 1: Terrorists visit the interpreter’s home threatening to kill him and his entire family if he doesn’t quit. The next day the interpreter begs for a visa from the State Department and asks Reese and his unit for help.
ACT TWO: Terrorist raid the Interpreter’s home and kill him in front of his wife and children. They promise to come back for the widow and her children.
Turning Point 2: SFC Reese and his soldiers take up guard against the terrorists in the family home. Reese and his men ore ordered to stand down and let the local police handle this but Reese has no confidence in their willingness to stand up against Al-Sadar.
ACT THREE: Reese and his soldiers ignore orders and put themselves in harms way to save the wife and children defying their military command.
Turning Point 3: One of Reese’s soldiers is killed by Al-Sadar in a predawn raid. Reese manages to save the wife and kids but Al-Sadar has set his sights on Reese as well. Reese decides to fight fire with fire using the press to force career politicians in the State department to do the right thing infuriating the powers that be. A visiting Co-Del visits the family at Reese’s invitation against the State Department wishes. The Congressman agrees to sponsor the family.
Act Four: Climax /Ultimate expression of the conflict: SFC Reese and his unit go on the offensive actively seeking out confrontation with the terrorists, openly defying the military and the State Department.
Resolution: Al-Sadar is dead, Reese and his unit take the wife and her children to the interpreter’s grave openly defying terrorists threats before taking the family out of Baghdad.
The family relocates to America, freedom and safety.
Reese saves his military career and renews his relationship with his parents after many years.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Drama-Action
High Concept: When an Iraqi interpreter is murdered by terrorists, SFC Reese and his Army unit must step in to save the widow and her children from certain death.
Major Story Hook: Al-Sadar Is determined to make those who help Americans pay but he must fight a formable foe in the American Soldier to get to the family.
Character Structure: For Al-Sadar it is Antagonist vs. Protagonist.
Character Name and Role: Al-Sadar/Antagonist
Beginning: Opening Incident: at an open air market in Baghdad Al-Sadar has set up a series of daisy chained bombs to kill the soldiers that patrol the shop on a regular basis.
Inciting Incident: False intelligence was given to the US Army making them believe the market was safe that day in order to lure Reese and his men into a foot patrol. They would be forced to leave the safety of their up-armored vehicles. Unfortunately for Al-Sadar, Reese figured it out in time saving countless lives.
Turning Point 1: In a chase, Al-Sadar is almost killed by Reese but he gets away. This is the very first time an individual soldier has dared to confront him. This is now personal.
Act 2: Al-Sadar recognized the Interpreter and goes to his home to kill him but he fails the first time.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:The QRF arrives in time to save everyone. The next day Al-Sadar returns and kills the Interpreter in front of his family and tells the wife and children they are next.
Act 3: Al-Sadar receives intelligence that Reese and his men are waiting at the interpreters home to ambush him.
Turning Point 3: Al-Sadar initiates a gun battle that kills an American Soldier and wounds Reese. He taunts Reese and tells him his fate is sealed and he will be back. Al-Sadar believes he cannot be defeated by an American Soldier.
Act 4 Climax:Resolution: Al-Sadar and his men receive false Intelligence designed to flush them out. The battle takes place on Hifa Street and Al-Sadar is killed by Reese. The widow and her family visit their father’s grave. Reese and his unit escort them to the plane and put them on a flight. Reese finally calls his father and Mother. They have forgiven him for the death of his brother and he can finally move on.
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Working Hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
What I learned from this assignment was the need for organizing all this information for future use on your characters along with additional guidelines on what your character will and wont do.
TV Relationship Map
Col Benjiman Greene Lead Protagonist
Lt. Brian Greene
Surface: Son Loving and devoted but he is also his father keeper when it comes to Col. Greene’s humanity because of his mother’s death.
Common Ground: He is as afraid of the Puzzle works as is his son. They Protect each other
Conflict: Son wants his father out of the PW. Dislikes his father’s actions. Desparatelt trying to save him.
History: Grew up as an Army Brat respects his father and his service
Subtext: He is hiding secrets and his relationship from his dad. Hiding exit plan too.
Relationship Arc: Over the 5-6 season their relationship becomes toxic until Lt. Greene kills his father to save him from prison
Sgt. Diedra Jones
Surface: Soldier in his command and confidant. Changed to Sgt. for dramatic purposes. Fraternization is illegal in the Army
Common Ground: She is in love with Lt. Green and protects him and his father.
Conflict: She is in conflict with Col Greene. Disagrees with his brutal methods. She is also in an illegal relationship with Lt. Greene and could be charged with fraternization if anyone ever found out.
History: She has been in the unit long 2 years and sees the toxic history Col. Greene can have and warns Lt. Greene to be careful.
Subtext: She is in competition with Col. Greene for Lt. Greene. She is always protecting him. She stands in the way of Col Greene’s complete control
Relationship Arc: Toward the end of the season we see Col. Greene view her as liability that must go.
1 st. Sgt. Desmoines
Surface: His top soldier and aid
Common Ground: Shared the battlefield Most trusted aid and friend. Respect each other and their command abilities
Conflict: He believes Col. Greene doesn’t go far enough to protect the unit
History: Served in Afghanistan and Iraq together. Knows his Commander’s history.
Subtext: There is an understanding between these warriors who both know this will end badly but they will not stop. They have each other’s back.
Relationship Arc: Their relationship is forged in battle and that is where they want it to end together. He may also betray Col Greene in the end and Col. Greene may kill him for it.
FBI Agent Darren Stockton
Surface: This agent is relentless and committed to ending the missions of Col. Greene. Very competent and devoted.
Common Ground: He understands Col. Greene well and knows what he is capable of.
Conflict: The murders and incursion by Greene and his unit will not stand in the civilian world. This is where he draws the line. That is his area
History: Grew up dreaming of being and agent sees this as his chance to correct the wrongs committed in the name of honor and duty.
Subtext: He is Col. Greene’s greatest test and adversary. He is never far behind and uses Col Greene’s son for leverage on the Col.
Relationship Arc: Surface Over the 5-6 season their relationship becomes increasingly toxic until Lt. Greene sets him up for a fall.
Spc. Allen Jones
Surface: Soldier in his command. Col. Greene took him in from the streets of Philly and sees him as a second son.Both are committed to the mission and loyal to each other.
Common Ground: Both are committed to the mission and loyal to each other. Each is committed to the Army way of Life.
Conflict: He also disagrees with Col Greene’s tactics but he will never turn on him. He will report dissent to the Col.
History: He has been in the unit long enough to see the new soldiers and their character. He is the Col’s eyes and ears.
Subtext: He often tells Col. Greene what he wants to hear than what he needs to protect his favored status. But he can be counted on thru thick and thin
Relationship Arc: Toward the end of the season we see Col. Greene view his proclamations with suspicion especially concerning his son.
<font face=”inherit”>General </font>Brigadier<font face=”inherit”> Mosely</font>
Surface: Commander at Ft. Bragg Superior he served with in Afghanistan The appear to have a working relationship until Greene.
Common Ground: Both career soldiers who are very patriotic. Both served together in theater and both are well connected.
Conflict: General Mosely has profited from importing Opium from Afghanistan using his military command resources for distribution. Col. Greene does not know this organization belongs to General Mosely but he has been ordered to end the drug network at all costs. This puts the two at odds with one another. History be damned.
History: Both have served together in Iraq and Afghanistan. Each knows the others strengths and weakness and capabilities.
Subtext: They do not share their secrets but those secrets will lead to a showdown in which one of them must die.
Relationship Arc: They start out as good friends and comrades but must duel to the death in the end. Greene must end his drug distribution and silence him forever.
Puzzle Works
Surface: The organization is the source of Col. Greene’s covert missions. The organization is full of shady people Col. Greene and his unit don’t trust
Common Ground: Completing their missions and keeping the negative press at bay so no one ever knows the truth.
Conflict: he scope and final outcome is often in disagreement but Col. Greene doesn’t openly challenge their authority
History: Because of Col. Greene’s past CIA and current Special Operation history they are well acquainted with each other.
Subtext: Col Greene and the Puzzle Works do not trust each other. There is always tension and caution on both sides. Col. Greene does not like them.
Relationship Arc: Their relationship is forged in distrust and symbiotic in nature. Eventually Greene will no longer be seen as loyal or useful and must be eliminated.
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Visions Statement
Working Hard to become the best writer I can be and as a result I become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this assignment is…by delving into the characters motivations, wants and needs we create a stronger better layered script that will work on multiple levels.
Lloyd Shellenberger BWTV Module 1 Lesson 5 Depth of Emotions
Assignment 1 Show Profile
Title: Breaking Bad
WALTER PROFILE
A. Hope: Walter hopes to make enough to pay for the Cancer treatments / Fear: Arrested, shamed or dead.
B. Want: To be the man that is respected but will never be in the real world. / Need: To provide for his family for self recognition that he has never received.
C. Base Negative Emotion: Anger, indignation, and pride / Public Mask: Meek family man and teacher
D. Weaknesses: He has led an isolated life therefore he would not be street smart but he does make up for it in genius and intuitive abilities. He is woefully ignorant about the bad people and their intentions in the beginning, in the end he is no different than the bad guys.
E. Triggers: Being bullied, threats to his family and security he has provided for them.
F. Coping Mechanism: Family: Lying and evasion. He completely changes from an essentially good person to a really bad and despicable person. The transformation is stark.
SKYLER PROFILE
A. Hope: Hopes to takes care of her family and keep a secure and loving home. / Fear: Walter is dying but also the lifestyle she and Walter have built may be going away as well.
B. Want: To keep things as they have always been, to keep her family intact / Need: To control to stop whatever bad is happening around her but she cannot.
C. Base Negative Emotion: Weak or inadequate / Public Mask: Warm mother and wife, unaware of the impending doom that awaits her and everyone in the family.
D. Weaknesses: Powerless, need to control, believes the lies Walter has told her rather than putting an end to what he is doing.
E. Triggers: Being lied to. When her family is being threatened, primarily her sister whom she loves very much she does not handle that well.
F. Coping Mechanism: Manipulation. Lashes out at Walter Confronts Jesse to protect him. She even throws Walter out in an attempt tout an end to his enterprises.
JESSE PROFILE
A. Hope: to enjoy a productive life and prove his parents wrong that he is not a loser. / Fear: Arrested or killed because of the company he keeps and the lifestyle he has chosen.
B. Want: Drugs and money. / Need: Love and validation from his parents and society he will never receive.
C. Base Negative Emotion: Not worthy of love and acceptance/ Public Mask: Low key gangster and underachiever in every aspect
D. Weaknesses: Drug user, weak mental fortitude, coward.
E. Triggers: Being disrespected, challenges to his mental and cognitive abilities that are not very formable. He also realizes in the end he is a good person who is also a loser and the guilt is too much for him to take.
F. Coping Mechanism: Shut down/avoid/use drugs/run to his low life friends for comfort.
ASSIGNMENT 2: My Show
Compiled Profiles for Benjamin Greene
Title: Benjamin Greene
Characters name: Col Benjamin Greene
Character Role: Protagonist/ Commander of Special Operations Unit US Army
Episodic TV
A. Situational: Hope / Fear
1. Col. Benjamin Greene’s greatest hope is also his greatest fear. He basis his self worth and feelings of accomplishments upon the successful completion of each mission. His greatest fears are grounded in the failure of the mission as well.
2. He hopes to set aside a considerable nest egg from the black bag money he steals from the Puzzle Works for an exit strategy for himself and his son.
3. His greatest fear is being exposed, arrested, killed and his son going down with him.
4. Each situation or mission is meticulously planned and executed to leave nothing to chance. He is detail oriented and misses nothing but that is also one of his fears that he might miss something.
B. Motivation: Want / Need
1. He wants to keep one step ahead of the FBI, other agencies, and prying eyes to stay free and operational. He needs to be in control at all times of his resources, crew, and life in order to do that.
2. He wants to have an exit strategy in place should this blow up in his face or if the Puzzle Works suddenly sees him as a liability. He needs money and anonymity to do this. He is motivated by his need to protect himself, his son, and his crew from the Black suits and the FBI.
3. Col Greene wants power but not for power itself but to effect change. He does have a need for the love and approval of his son and the soldiers under his command. This is tied to his self-esteem. He knows this road he is on will end badly but he motivated by the desire to serve his country and the people he helps.
4. He wants respect and admiration but what he really needs is a sense of humanity he lost when his wife passed away. No amount of money or accomplishments can buy this. She completed him.
C. Base Emotion: Negative Emotion / Public Mask
1. Base Emotion: Fear of being exposed/ Public Mask: Competent leader
2. Base Emotion: Fears being alone./Public Mask: He desperately needs of approval from his son and crew/Confident and needing no-one.
3. Base Emotion: A killer with a cunning and formable intellect /Public Mask: Reserved and secretive. Quite Hero.
4. Base Emotion: Terror/ Public Mask: Allows in control and has the answers to every scenario. A brilliant leader
5. Base Emotion: Shame for his past he has kept from his son/ Public Mask: He has always been a soldier as far as his son knows. Col Greene’s past life with the CIA is buried and he would like to keep it that way.
D. Weaknesses
1. He has a secret that he will do anything to conceal from his son. This leaves him compromised and easily manipulated.
2. His greatest weakness and strength all at once is his son. He will do anything to protect him and that also leaves him vulnerable as well.
3. He has an ego and and arrogance about him that could lead to his downfall one day if he underestimates his opponents.
4. Everyone in Col. Greenes circle of influence will be hurt by him. He cuts a wide swath and no one is spared. This is one of his greatest weakness.
E. Triggers
1. When Col. Greene is stressed he slows down and performs at his best. He is the best there is at reading the room and coming up with solutions that cheat death if need be.
2. He loves his son and he promised his wife before she died he would always take care of Brian. Anything that threatens his son is subject to a wrath and punishment that is merciless.
3. Threats do not intimidate Col Green but what they tend to do is bring out the beast in him. He is an absolute killer who will gladly respond in a negative manner if pushed.
4. Challenges to his authority. Working for the Puzzle Works Col. Greene knows his orders must be carried out or it could mean the difference between life or death. His First Sergeant is experienced understands this as well and accepts nothing less.
F. Coping Mechanism
1. Manipulate, threat: Col Greene is a master manipulator who can engineer an outcome contrary to what should happen but when that fails he resort to threats and attacks back.
2. Alter their state: He drinks a bit to hide his pain but he is functional and never lets on to others about his use.
3. Distract: Changes subjects about what his circle of characters talk about and takes an interest in. Col. Greene influences them without them even knowing it. Lt. Greene and his girlfriend are the only ones immune to this manipulation and distractions.
4. Denial: Denial and plausible deniability are Col. Greenes stock and trade because secrets are never to be discussed and revealed.
5. Analyze: For a man who is so good at analyzing others and the situations Col Greene is remarkably unaware. He come from the older generation that believes you should just suck it up and move on.
Title: Benjiman Greene
Characters name: Lt. Brian Greene
Character Role: Protagonist/ Son of Commander of Special Operations Unit US Army
Episodic TV
A. Situational: Hope / Fear
1. Lt. Brian Greene’s greatest hope is also his greatest fear. He seeks approval from his father whom he idolizes. He hopes to be the best soldier on each mission. His greatest fears are grounded in the failure of the mission as well.
2. Like his father he secretly sets aside a considerable nest egg from stolen black bag money for a solid exit strategy for himself and his girlfriend.
3. His greatest fear is being exposed, arrested, killed and his father going down with him.
4. Each situation or mission is meticulously planned and executed to leave nothing behind. He is not as detail oriented as his father which can be a source of anxiety between he and his father.
B. Motivation: Want / Need
1. He wants to keep one step ahead of the FBI, other agencies, and prying eyes trying to turn him on his father and the unit. He needs to be one step ahead of everyone else in order to do that.
2. He secretly has an exit strategy in place knowing this will blow up in his face. The Puzzle Works sees him as a liability. He needs money and anonymity to do this. He is want to protect himself, his father and his crew form the Black suits and the FBI.
3. Lt. Greene wants power but not for power itself but to change the direction of the unit and take the bullseye off his father. He knows his father will never allow that.. He does have a need for love and approval of his father. Lt. Green knows this will all end badly. Lt. Greene wants to serve his country. He has a sense of empathy his father no longer possesses and protects that part of him at all costs.
4. He wants respect and admiration but what he really needs is a sense of security he lost when his mother passed. He truly admired her.
C. Base Emotion: Negative Emotion / Public Mask
1. Base Emotion: Shame: Fear of being exposed/ Public Mask: Competent leader loyal to his father.
2. Base Emotion: Fears being alone./ Public Mask: After the loss of his mother he desperately needs the approval of his father and crew
3. Base Emotion: Victim: The loss of his mother deeply affected him/ Public Mask A bravado that is unlike his father. He is not a killer but he is in a man’s world where weakness will not be tolerated. Friendly and outgoing, personable Hero. Definitely a victim and activist for his father and unit’s well being. There is also a social activist side of him in keeping with his generation. It is often in conflict with his fathers world views.
4.. Base Emotion: Shame for the deception Lt. Greene must practice./ Public Mask Loyalty: Lt. Greene is actively deceptive to his father and others around him in order to protect him and fend off those seeking to undermine his father’s command. Lt. Green is a good man that does not like these deceptions and feels shame fro them. This is another reason for his complete hatred and dislike of the Puzzle Works.
D. Weaknesses
1. He has a secret that he will do anything to conceal from his father. This leaves him compromised and easily manipulated.
2. His greatest weakness and strength all at once is his father and sense of duty. He will do anything to protect him and that also leaves him vulnerable as well.
3. He has an empathetic and caring nature about him that could lead to his downfall one day if his opponents use this against him.
4. Everyone in Lt. Greenes circle of influence is very loyal to him to a fault. This is another area of manipulation availaible from his opponents.
5. Lt. Greene has a secret that could destroy him. When he was younger growing up in New York, he killed a gang member who killed his girlfriend. No one knows this and it is his greatest secret. The FBI Agent eventually finds out and tries to leverage this to force him to help arrest his father.
E. Triggers
1. In Lt. Greenes situation, stress is where he slows down and performs at his best like his father. He is good at reading the room and coming up with solutions, but he uses empathy and willingness to help others as his default character.
2. Lt. Greene loves his father but often questions his humanity because of this tension and disagreement often follow his fathers handling of certain situations.
3. Lt. Greene appears as though he can be manipulated but he is exceptional at the end game and plays life chess better that his opponents. Once this instinct is triggered he can be very lethal and precise.
4. Lt. Greene knows his orders are to be carried out since it could mean life or death to everyone but he actively searches for the weakness in their plans. He detest them puzzle works and is a foil when he can be. He is loyal to his men to a fault and will do whatever it takes to protect them.
F. Coping Mechanism
1. Manipulate, threat: Lt. Greene is also a master manipulator who can engineer an outcome contrary to what should happen but when that fails he must often resort to his father for help.
2. Alter their state: Lt. Greene often resorts to sex or there distracting behaviors when stressed. He also will drink but not to the excesses of his father.
3. Distract: Changes subjects attempt to focus his father on things he sees as a threat. He knows his father can be blindsided by the people he works with and recognizes their distractions so he will often throw smoke screens and false gaffes to help him .
4. Denial: Denial and plausible deniability are Lt. Greenes stock and trade because secrets are never to be discussed and revealed not even to his father.
5. Analyze: Unlike his father Lt. Greene is remarkably self aware of himself and others. This often creates internal and external conflicts that Lt. Greene cannot reconcile.
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Vision Statement Working hard everyday to become the best Writer I can be and as a result I become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is …By continuing to layer my characters now I have given them the justification, actions, and reasons they do things, I know my characters better.
Lloyd Shellenberger
Binge Worthy TV] Module 1 Lesson 4: Layers of Character Intrigue
Assignment 1
TV Model Analysis
Title: Breaking Bad
Character Name: Walter White
Role: Protagonist
Hidden agendas: Walter White is a Chemist and teacher who lives an ordinary life. When he is diagnosed with terminal cancer he secretly cooks and distributes Meth to amass a large financial nest egg to leave behind for his wife, son, and unborn child. He needs a RV to use as a meth lab. He recruits a kid named Jesse Pinkman as his assistant knowing he has connections. This is the first step in setting up his criminal enterprise but these unsavory characters will come back to haunt him and his family.
Competition: In the drug world the quality of the Crystal Meth can make or break you. It can make you desirable or irrelevant. Walter’s Meth is the best anyone has ever seen and he instantly becomes a player in a very competitive world. The Meth is pure and clear while most meth has a yellow or dark tint to it. He is instantly recognized as the best cook on the market. Walter must align himself with powerful drug lords for the protection he needs.
Conspiracy: Walter conspires with Jesse to cook the meth, with drug lords to distribute it, and anyone else that helps his criminal enterprise. Walter know he must work with a large cartel that will protect him from other Meth distributers who would try and shut him down. Also, Walter need to raise two million dollars for his cancer treatment and leave behind a financial nest egg for his family.
Secrets: Walter leads a double life by day a mild mannered teacher but when you peel back the layers we see he is drug lord who has amassed great wealth. He also hides his cancer until he must confess his condition to his family. The secrets and lies he tells his family is staggering but with all lies they tend to come undone.
Deception: He must lie and deceive his wife and son and family into believing that nothing is going on. He has a brother in law who is an FBI agent that he must hide all this from. Throughout the whole series Walter’s life becomes a series of deceptions, one greater than the previous lie. He tells his wife Jesse sells him pot in order to hide his meth production with him.
Wound: <font face=”inherit”>Because Walter has lived a marginal life, people around him marginalize and ridicule him. His students don’t understand him and disrespect him. His own brother in law, Hank makes </font>inappropriate<font face=”inherit”> comments as well. His boss at the car wash treats him badly as well. When Walter cooks up the meth that he is famous for he becomes a God. He is brilliant at it. Now the world is showing him the respect he deserves when they are not trying to kill him.</font>
Secret Identity: Walter leads a double life, by day a mild mannered teacher but when you peel back the layers we see he is drug lord who has amassed great wealth.
Character #2 Breaking Bad
Character Name: Jesse Pinkman
Role: Protagonist Meth assistant
Hidden agendas: He is trying to sell and distribute the meth for personal gain as well. He is shunned by his own judgmental family. Payback may be in mind.
Competition: He is trying to prove he is just as worthy and deserving as his younger brother of respect and love from his parents.
Conspiracies: Like Walter he partners with drug lords and distributers to sell his product. He conspires to hide his criminal drug trade.
Secrets: He is also a drug lord and good kid gone astray. Because of the world he lives in he is forced to do things that go against his very nature.
Deception: He must lie to everyone and make them believe he is something he is not.
Wound: His parents have turned their back on him which will fuel much of what he does.
Secret Identity: By day he is a drug user and loser but he also is a a God at cooking Meth as well.
ASSIGNMENT 2
Title: Benjiman Greene
Character Name: Col. Benjiman E. Greene
Role: Protagonist Anti-hero
Hidden agendas:
<font face=”inherit”>A. He is a special operations commander in a dangerous world. He must operate in secrecy and be ready on a moments notice to react to danger. He will protect his son, Lt. Brian Greene at all costs by </font>insulating<font face=”inherit”> him from the FBI and the black suits.</font>
B. There is a lot of black bag money involved and Col Greene wants a piece of it. It is part of his exit strategy. He devises a plan to steal the money and save it for himself and his son.
C. Col. Greene knows facts and information is far more valuable than money in his world and he is documenting everything.
D. Col. Greene’s past is something he doesn’t want his son or others to know. He once was an assassin for the CIA but left that world behind to become a soldier. It would seem that both worlds have combined.
Competition: Col. Greene is still trying to prove to himself, his command, and his son he still has it even though father time has had its way.
Conspiracies:There are agencies and operatives always running behind the scenes, each with different hidden agendas. Col. Greene must be one step ahead of them to protect those around him.
Secrets: For Col. Greene and his crew secrets are their stock and trade. What happens with he and his crew stays between his crew and the Puzzle Works.
Deception:
A. On multiple occasions we believe he has set up his first Sergeant William Desmoine but they are partners in crime.
B. He lies to his son to provide him plausible deniability. He believes his son does not know the true nature of what they do but he is mistaken.
C. He has hidden a nice chunk of money for a rainy day and developed a hidden financial network.
D. From the outside it appears that Col. Greene is a perfect soldier who always executes his duties as ordered but once you scratch beneath the surface you understand he doesn’t trust the Puzzle Works or anyone in it.
E. There are often bodies left in his wake but he has become a master at hiding his involvement.
F. Everything he does is centered around enhancing his exit strategy and completing the mission.
Wound: Since the loss of Col. Greenes wife his son has done his best to be that soul whispering in his ear keeping his humanity intact. Col Greene truly loved her and left the CIA behind for her.
Secret Identity: A a former CIA officer who left the agency for his wife he has hidden his past government involvement from his son. He was a former assassin for the CIA and knows exactly what the Black suits are capable of which is why he works so hard to isolate his son from that side of the job.
Title: Benjiman Greene
Character Name: Lt. Brian Greene
Role: Protagonist/Son
Hidden agendas:
A. He is a special operations soldier under his father’s command. He must operate in secrecy and stealth. Lt. Brian Greene may be the last thing that keeps his father honest and decent and he works hard at it every day.
B. There is a lot of black bag money involved and Col Greene has some of it and Lt. Greene knows it. Lt. Greene has an exit strategy as well but no one knows it.
C. Lt. Greene knows facts and information that his father has never told him but he says nothing and doesn’t let on. He just keeps documenting things.
Competition: Lt. Greene is trying to slow his father down so he must prove himself capable in order for him to trust his command abilities and relieve his father’s burden.
Conspiracies:There are agencies and operatives always running behind the scenes, each with different hidden agendas. Lt. Greene’s loyalty is constantly challenged by players within those agencies but he will not betray his father.
Secrets: Like his father, secrets are his stock and trade. What happens with he and his crew stays between his crew. In Brian’s case the Puzzle Works be damned since he does not like them.
Deception:
A. On multiple occasions we believe he has set up his Father for the FBI but it is just the opposite. He provides false gaffins that the FBI agent will gladly pursue in his desperation to nail Col. Greene.
B. He lies to his father to protect him from his covert actions.
C. Like his father he has hidden a nice chunk of money for a rainy day but his father is unaware of this fact.
D. Lt. Greene is Col. Greenes conscience so this often is in direct conflict with orders from above. As a result, plans are not always work out picture perfect. Once you scratch beneath the surface you understand Lt. Greene doesn’t trust the Puzzle Works or anyone in it. He would rather not associate with them.
E. There are often bodies left in Col Greene’s wake. Lt Greene has the empathy and humanity that his father has lost and this is the most difficult part of his job that he cannot reconcile. He does his best to control his father’s actions.
F. Like his father, everything he does is centered around enhancing his exit strategy and protecting his father.
Wound: Since the loss of his mother Lt. Greene has done his best to be that voice of reason in his father’s ear, keeping his humanity intact. He truly loved his mother and honors her memory.
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What I learned from this assignment… This in-depth charting of your lead characters allow the writer to really keep them intriguing and interesting and map out their first year and beyond as well.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 1 Lesson 3 Engaging main Characters
Assignment 1:
Breaking Bad: Walter White Lead
A. Role in the show: Walter White is the Lead Character of Breaking Bad
B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Walter is a genius when it comes to chemistry a passion no one else shares in the show Breaking Bad. Because he is a genius he creates the most pure meth on the marker every drug dealer wants.
C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Walter has cancer and he is a man who has nothing to lose. Prior to the diagnoses he has never taken risks and as a result never really lived. The more he takes risks the more he becomes addicted to it.
D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Walter is a moral man who normally would never commit murder or harm anyone. As Walter is exposed to the drug world he is forced to commit murder, exhortation and drug dealing. By the end of the Pilot he has murdered two people, now he can never go back.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
The violent and murderous nature of the drug trade will not allow Walter to go back to his cozy quite life. There are dangers around every corner.
F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Walter made meth to provide money for his family after his death. in his normal life he is a man that is disrespected. His personalty is dull and uneventful but he is a God when it comes to cooking Meth. We watch as Walter finds a way to come up with the money he needs for his cancer treatment. He is also trying to leave a nest egg behind for his family when he passes. We can identify with his desperation and extreme motivation.
Assignment 2:
Benjamin Greene: Lead character Colonel Benjamin E. Greene
A. Role in the show:
Col Greene is a career Army officer who commands a Special Operations unit out of Fort Bragg.
Lt. Brian Greene is the son of Col. Greene and more importantly the conscience that whispers in his ear and gives him a sense of humanity he badly needs.B. Unique Purpose / Expertise:
Col Greene has been deployed to the middle east and has extensive combat experience. He also understands the world of Special Operations better than anybody and how to succeed in it.
Lt. Brian Greene: Genuinely loves his father but he is in a tough spot as his father is also his unit commander. He has grown up around the military and understands the culture inside and out.C. Intrigue: What is secret beneath the surface?
Col Greene appears to be even headed but can be unpredictable and even a murderer. He can be ruthless and pathologically committed to successfully completing a mission.
Brian Greene: While Brian does not have his father’s drive and ruthlessness he is empathetic and sees the other side of the coin his father often misses. In so doing he is his father’s keeper.D. Moral Issue: What moral boundaries are they crossing?
Col. Greene: He will lie, murder and manipulate to protect the Army and his unit. These attributes often put him at odds with his son whom he loves very much. Lt. Brian Greene: Will he compromise his values and turn a blind eye to his father’s methods regardless of the mission or will he step in and try to stop him. He is not a murdered or a lier. During the first year Lt. Greene is forced to kill and lie against his nature.
E. Unpredictable: What will they do next?
Col. Greene: He is a master at reading the room and tailoring a response to fit the circumstances so each new situation requires him to adapt and overcome.
Lt. Brian Green: Lt. Green has picked up his father’s traits and learned well from him, so he can command his space fairly well like his father. Being in the Special Operations Command, missions from the Puzzle Factory are dangerous and unpredictable by their very nature.F. Empathetic: Why do we care?
Col Greene: We see that he truly is a patriot trying to do the Army and US Governments bidding and as a result he is often put in impossible situations and forced to make tough decisions.
Lt. Brian Greene: Lt. Brian Greene truly is a good man who honors his mother’s memory and is forced into responses that go completely against his core nature. It puts an incredible strain on his moral bearings to the point that we as an audience wonder how much more can he take? -
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I become the best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger Writing Binge Worthy TV Module 1Assignment 2: Creating 3 circles for the show
What I learned doing this assignment is how to an outline your cast. It is nice to know they are there when you need them.
For my Show Working Title: Benjamin Greene
A. Main Characters Circle:
Col. Benjamin Greene. (50’s White) He is a Commander of a Special Operations unit that works for a secret black-ops section of the Puzzle works in the Pentagon. His wife died several years ago and his job and his son are his life. He is the exact example of an Anti-hero. He can be a ruthless and merciless killer but always in the framework of protecting his soldiers and the US Military. His missions are off the books but have one thing in common they never see the light of day. He is a former New Yorker with a never back down attitude.
Lt. Brian Greene. (30’s, white) He is the son Col Greene and is his father’s likeness up to a certain point. He does not have the killer instinct and drive his father does and possesses a kinder more empathetic heart. This attribute often puts him at odds with his father, who is also his unit commander.
First Sergeant William Desmoine. (40’s black) He is an Iraqi and Afghanistan war veteran like Col. Greene who has been in his far share of battles. He is a former boxer and genuine tough guy nobody wants a piece of. HE hails from New York himself and grew up on the streets. He calls it the way it is and backs down from no-one, not even Col. Greene his commander.
Lt. Diedra Jones. (30’s, black) She is from Atlanta and knows a little about the streets. She grew up in a middle class household where her father was a minister and her mother was a nurse. She is tough and unafraid to scrap it out. She is operating in a male dominated society but that doesn’t mean she is second rate. To the contrary she may be the smartest member of Col Greene’s inner circle. She is also secretly dating Lt. Greene.
SPC. Allan Jones. (20-30’s Black Tall) He is a Philadelphia native who also joined to get away from the streets and the gang life. He never fully escaped it and has a secret that could cost him everything. When he was a younger he was involved with a robbery that cost the life of store clerk. This hangs over his head at all times. He did not kill the clerk and was not in the store at the time but he believes the law won’t care.
B. Connected Circle:
Darren Stockton. (40’s White) FBI Agent Daren Stockton is a by the book relentless agent who knows the bodies and disappearances involved in the cases assigned to him are part of a bigger picture. As he puts together the facts he begins to realize Col. Greene and his men might be involved. In a perfect world he would be the Protagonist but in this case he will be the Anti-antagonist. He harasses Col Greene mercilessly but he cannot prove what he knows. His career and reputation are linked to getting Col. Greene.
Major General Edwin Moses. (60’s white, distinguished) General Moses is a career Soldier and politician who served with Col. Greene in Afghanistan and is well connected to the CIA and various organizations and politicians. His is well spoken and invokes a sense of trust in others. This unfortunately is a front as he has secretly used the Afghanistan war to become a well heeled drug lord. He uses US military assets within his scope of operation to enhance his logistics network knowing he will not be questioned. This puts him at odds with Col. Greene when he is ordered to end the drug trafficking by the Puzzle Works with extreme prejudice.
C. Environment Circle:
FBI, police, politicians, fellow soldiers in Col. Greene’s unit, press, underground criminals and gang members.
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Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result I become the best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger Writing Binge Worthy TV Module 1 Assignment 2: Creating 3 Circles for the Characters
What I learned doing this assignment is how to an outline your cast. It is nice to know they are there when you need them.
A. Main Characters Circle:
Col. Benjamin Greene. Protagonist (50’s White) He is a Commander of a Special Operations unit that works for a secret black-ops section of the Puzzle works in the Pentagon. His wife died several years ago and his job and his son are his life now. He is the perfect example of an Anti-hero. He can be a ruthless and merciless killer but always in the framework of protecting his soldiers and the US Military. His missions are off the books but have one thing in common they never see the light of day to the public. He is a former New Yorker with a never back down attitude but loyal to his friends and soldiers.
Lt. Brian Greene. (30’s, white) He is the son Col. Greene and is his father’s likeness up to a certain point. He does not have the killer instinct and drive his father does and possesses a kinder, more empathetic heart. This attribute often puts him at odds with his father, who is also his unit commander.
First Sergeant William Desmoine. (40’s black) He is an Iraqi and Afghanistan war veteran like Col. Greene who has been in his fair share of battles. He is a former Army boxer and a genuine tough guy nobody wants a piece of. He hails from New York himself and grew up on the streets. He calls it the way he sees it and backs down from no-one, not even Col. Greene his commander.
Lt. Diedra Jones. (30’s, black) She is from Atlanta and knows a little about the streets. She grew up in a middle class household though where her father was a minister and her mother was a nurse. She is tough and unafraid to scrap it out but morals play an important role in all her decisions. She is operating in a male dominated society but that doesn’t mean she is second rate. To the contrary she may be the smartest member of Col. Greene’s inner circle. She is also secretly dating Lt. Greene.
SPC. Allan Jones. (20-30’s Black Tall) He is a Philadelphia native who also joined to get away from the streets and the gang life. He never fully escaped it and has a secret that could cost him everything. When he was a younger he was involved with a robbery that cost the life of store clerk. This hangs over his head at all times. He did not kill the clerk and was not in the store at the time but he believes the law won’t care because he is black.
B. Connected Circle:
Darren Stockton. Antagonist (40’s, White) FBI Agent Daren Stockton is a by the book relentless agent who knows the bodies and disappearances involved in the cases assigned to him are part of a bigger picture. As he puts together the facts he begins to realize Col. Greene and his men might be involved. In a perfect world he would be the Protagonist but in this case he will be the Anti-Antagonist. He harasses Col. Greene mercilessly but he cannot prove it. His career and reputation are linked to getting Col. Greene.
Major General Edwin Moses. (60’s white, distinguished) General Moses is a career Soldier and politician who served with Col. Greene in Afghanistan and is well connected to the CIA and various organizations and politicians. His is well spoken and invokes a sense of trust in others. This unfortunately, is a front as he has secretly used the Afghanistan war to become a well heeled drug lord. He uses US military assets within his scope of operation to enhance his logistics network knowing he will not be questioned. This puts him at odds with Col. Greene when the Bird is ordered to end the drug trafficking by the Puzzle Works with extreme prejudice.
C. Environment Circle:
FBI, police, politicians, fellow soldiers in Col. Greene’s unit, press, underground criminals and gang members.
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Lloyd Shellenberger Supporting Characters
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result becoming the best writer in Hollywood.
Lesson 8: Purpose Driven Supporting Characters
Supporting Characters:
Name: Farida Aziz
Role: Interpreter’s Wife
Main Purpose: She and her children are the reason Reese and his men risk their lives to help her. She gives his life a meaning and focus it has not had for a long time.
Value: The family’s value is to to humanize the war conflict and help Reese seek much needed redemption for his brother’s death. Reese can finally forgive himself and move on.
Question 1: Why is the Interpreter, his widow and children vital to this script? The death of the interpreter is the inciting incident but the Widow and her children represent the change agent to Reese and his soldiers.
Name Robert E. Delaney
Role: State Department official
Main Purpose: Ambassador Delaney is the Bureaucratic foil needed to add tension and barriers that Reese must navigate.
Value: The impossible odds that Reese faces may be is just the thing to make him realize there is something happening here that is bigger than himself. It is worth risking his career over.
Question 1: Why is Ambassador Delaney important? This is the transition from the old rigid ways to the new ways as Reese realizes he cannot take on the ambassador alone, he needs to bring in the Congressman. He becomes defiant, something that a career soldier shouldn’t be.
Name: Ahmed Al-Sadar
Role: Terrorist Antagonist
Main Purpose: Al-Sadar is the greatest problem that Reese must face for himself, his soldiers, and finally the family’s well being. He forces Reese to up his game or die.
Value: Al-Sadar figuratively represents the gang that killed his brother in a drive by so Reese sees this as his second chance to stop this tragedy since he couldn’t help his brother. Reese is also forced to seek out a confrontation with Al-Sadar to protect the family.
Question 1: Why is Al-Sadar vital? He represents to total commitment from old ways to new ways by helping this family to the point where he is willing to die to protect them.
Name: Gary E. Hamilton
Role: Commander of Reese’s unit
Main Purpose: The Commander’s role is to enforce a set of guidelines and rules on his unit, Reese, and his men. In some ways the Commander is a foil as well.
Value: The Commander adds another lever of conflict that presents a major conflict that could get in the way of Reese accomplishing his mission.
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Working hard every day to become the best writer I cn be and as result I become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from this exercise is how incredible and clear the beginning of Breaking bad is set up and how clear we and his fellow actors see Walter/
Module 1 – Lesson 1: What is a Binge Worthy Show?
ASSIGNMENT:
1. I picked Breaking Bad and since I am a big fan of the show and I felt this was my chance to really understand the setup for this whole show and how incredible and complete the character transformation becomes.
Big Picture Hooks
Ask this: The big hook of this show is taking a good man who leads a boring life and turning him into a ruthless drug lord.
Amazing and Intriguing Character
Ask this: Walter is a Science teacher who leads an uninteresting and often ridiculed life by his family and his employer. He is a good teacher but boring. His students mock and disrespect him.
What makes the main characters intriguing and interesting in this series is the absolute transformation Walter goes through and the effect it has on those characters around him. Walter starts as someone who is ridiculed during his birthday party as boring by his own brother law to someone who is a ruthless, brilliant drug lord with millions of dollars and control over a vast criminal empire. His family and friends are dragged into his toxic world and as a result of his actions they pay the ultimate price.
Empathy / Distress
We feel for Walter because of the level of disrespect he receives from those in his life. The diagnoses of cancer he receives put his life and mortality in perspective for the first time. Walter can’t catch a break and the audience is pulling for him because of this. we are saddened by his plight. We also understand that as her sees his mortality slip away he decides to do what he has to leave his family well cared for. This is something every family member can relate to and emphasize with.
Layers / Open Loops
The biggest question we ask as an audience is what will he do to help his family after he is gone. Additional questions like how will he be able to pull off the meth production right under his family’s nose as well as his brother-in -law’s watchful gaze. How will he become a bigger than life player in a very dangerous world and what happens to those around him as he delves deeper into this deadly world.6. Inviting Obsession
As Walter and his partner amass great wealth, his problems mount even more. How does he hide this money and the criminal enterprise from prying eyes. He has finally achieved the level of respect he never had as teacher which spurs him on even more. Unfortunately, this cause emotional conflict between his true good self and the drug lord he has become, but he cannot walk away from it now. Even if he wanted to, the big players in the drug world will never let him.
Ask this: How does this pilot create the need to see every single episode?
The pilot brilliantly explores the faults in Walters life and what is completely wrong in Walter’s life that would drive him to make meth. We as an audience can see this and feel empathy for Walter and root for him. We see the scene at the drug house and how Walter is intrigued and unafraid. This is a side of Walter that we never saw coming. The audience wants to see what is next.
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Module 3 Lesson 7: Character Profiles Part 2
Vision Statement Working Hard to become the best writer in Hollywood and as a result I do become the best screenwriter in Hollywood.
What I learned from this exercise…. The continued depth and layers of our characters can be explored and fleshed out to help improve the script but it takes a lot of organization to do this.
1: Role of the Story: SFC Jerry Reese Platoon Sergeant of the 1st Army division 361st Infantry Co. Company A 3rd Platoon Protagonists and Change agent
Age Range and
2: Description: SFC Reese is a stoic professional soldier who hails from Brooklyn. He is late 30’s to early 40’s medium height and build.
3: Core Traits: Brave, Haunted, Task Master, Rules driven, Sometimes Risk adverse until he mis forced to think outside the box and become a problem solver.
4: Motivation: Want/Need
SFC Reese wants to put the world he grew up in as far in the rear view mirror as possible.
Need: Self forgiveness and and vulnerability to let others in so that he can take a chance on others. He needs to redeem himself once more by saving the family.
5: Wound: The killing of his brother in a drive by shooting has left a deep wound he has never recovered from. In addition, Reese has never returned to Brooklyn since his brothers death or talked to his father since then because his father blames him for it.
6: Likability: SFC Reese is well liked by his company and the soldiers under his command, they trust him. The family of the slain interpreter comes to trust and care about him as well. The Congressman who steps in to help him has great respect for his grit and his never back down attitude. Reese reminds us that leader that you want in the foxhole next to you when things go bad.
Empathy: When the audience sees the flashback of Reese’s little brother murdered in a drive-by shooting we now understand why the children lost in that market hit him so hard. He feels he failed them and we feel his pain. The antagonist knows that Reese cares about the children and the widow and uses that to his advantage. Reese is injured but he never backs down or gives up In the battles that ensue.
Relatability: Reese is intensely focused and committed. The audience sees a side of him they can relate to and inspire to be. His life wasn’t always easy but he has overcome incredible odds to get here and serve his country. Everyone loves a survivor and Reese is definitely that. We all want to see the hero ride in on a white horse and save the day even if they are flawed at the core.
7: Character Subtext: Withholding, Hiding something Reese doesn’t speak about what happened in his youth and he is very secretive about it. His actions give him away when other soldiers are calling home he isn’t. He lives in a state of guilt and shame over what happened to his brother and is often overly cautious for because of his fear of what can happen to others.
Subtext Logline: SFC Reese’s go-to response is protocol but when the family is in eminent dangerous his safe world fails him and he must default to his street sense to save the family and himself.
8: Character Intrigue: Hidden agendas, Secretive, Withholding
9: Flaw: Unafraid, will take on the world if he has to. Reese has a never back down attitude which can be his demise. He often defaults to regulations and rules to hide behind until he no longer can than he must think outside the box.
10: Values: Loyalty, Honor, Duty, his eternal soul, doing the right thing above all else, he has a never back down attitude.
11: Character Dilemma:
External Dilemma: Reese goes from being hamstrung and overly cautious to a soldier who puts doing the right thing above all else.
Internal Dilemma: Reese must overcome his hidden demons and past to become a fearless protagonist and advocate for the family, regardless of the personal outcome for him.
1: Role of the Story: Al-Sadar Antagonist
2: Age Range and Description: Al-Sadar, Arab descent late 40’s early 50’s medium build. Rugged and intimidating.
3 : Core Traits: Unafraid, Ruthless, committed, deeply committed to his faith
4: Motivation: Want/Need
Al-Sadar wants every foreigner out of Iraq and anyone who helped the western coalition punished as traitors. What he really wants he can’t have, his family back.
Need: His deep need to avenge the death of his family and the scourge of the occupying forces is all consuming. He is a man rushing to meet death knowing that is his only peace.
5: Wound: The killing of his wife and children in an American bombing raid has driven him to the point of no return. He will inflict maximum damage on anyone associated with the coalition.
6: Likability: Al-Sadar is well respected by his cell. He believes himself to be a patriot and soldier of Allah and expects nothing less from those around him. He is also a seasoned soldier who lost everything when the US disbanded the Republican Guard and took away his command. This cements his status as their leader even more. Al-Sadar does not compromise and for that we don’t have to like him but we must respect him.
Empathy: Through a series of events we understand that Al-Sadar wasn’t always a terrorist. We see there once was someone decent and caring but that person died with his family. He knows that what he is doing would not be what his wife would have wanted for him. He believes in the sovereignty of the Pan-Arab world and the right to self governance without Western interference. He is willing to die for his beliefs.
7: Character Subtext: Secretive, Hiding something, Crafty, Evil, immoral .
Subtext Logline: Al-Sadar is a man who is staring into the abyss and knows where his actions will eventually lead him, but he is committed to taking as many with him as he can.
8: Character Intrigue: Al-Sadar’s life is secretive and built upon deception and hidden agendas. His secrets will eventually cost him and others their lives but he does not compromise with his core beliefs and allegiance to a Pan Arab view.
Unspoken Wound:The death of his wife and children during the initial bombing raids left a hole in him no amount of casualties will ever fill.9: Flaw: Angry, bitter, lacks empathy for others, lacks mercy, has a misplaced sense of morality and uses religion and politics to justify his immoral acts. Judgmental, harsh
10: Values: He is unafraid to take on the Americans, values loyalty above all else. Values his culture to the exclusion of all other alternatives. He truly values revenge and holding those responsible for the death of his family and other Iraqis.
10: Values: to his credit, he is unafraid to take on the world since death has no meaning for him. Values loyalty and obedience from his fellow insurgents. Secretive and manipulative. An excellent planner strategist, Leader, who is strong and unapologetic.
11: Character Dilemma:
External dilemma: Al-Sadar’s journey is very similar to a lot of ex-Republican Guard soldiers suddenly removed from conscript service by the invading coalition. This is what created the terrorist movement in Iraq. His countries political problems forced total and permanent change on every Iraqi involved.
Internal Dilemma: Al-Sadar’s internal dilemma is far different than his external dilemma. He was a proud and honorable soldier for his country. When his family was killed at the beginning of the war he turned his anger outward and became a terrorist, lashing out at everyone and everything. He is at war with the world and seeks death for comfort. Because of this, Al-Sadar is the deadliest foe Reese and his men have ever faced.
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Lloyd Shellenberger
Module 3 Lesson 6: Character Profiles Part 1B
Vision Statement Working Hard to become the best writer in Hollywood and as a result I do become the best screenwriter in Hollywood.
What I learned from this exercise…. The continued depth and layers of our characters can be explored and fleshed out to help improve the script but it takes a lot of organization to do this.
1: Role of the Story: SFC Jerry Reese Platoon Sergeant of the 1st Army division 361st Infantry Co. Company A 3rd Platoon Protagonists and Change agent
Age Range and
2: Description: SFC Reese is a stoic professional soldier who hails from Brooklyn. He is late 30’s to early 40’s medium height and build.
3: Core Traits: Brave, Haunted, Task Master, Rules driven, Sometimes Risk adverse until he mis forced to think outside the box and become a problem solver.
4: Motivation: Want/Need
SFC Reese wants to put the world he grew up in as far in the rear view mirror as possible.
Need: Self forgiveness and and vulnerability to let others in so that he can take a chance on others. He needs to redeem himself once more by saving the family.
5: Wound: The killing of his brother in a drive by shooting has left a deep wound he has never recovered from. In addition, Reese has never returned to Brooklyn since his brothers death or talked to his father since then because his father blames him for it.
6: Likability: SFC Reese is well liked by his company and the soldiers under his command, they trust him. The family of the slain interpreter comes to trust and care about him as well. The Congressman who steps in to help him has great respect for his grit and his never back down attitude. Reese reminds us that leader that you want in the foxhole next to you when things go bad.
Empathy: When the audience sees the flashback of Reese’s little brother murdered in a drive-by shooting we now understand why the children lost in that market hit him so hard. He feels he failed them and we feel his pain. The antagonist knows that Reese cares about the children and the widow and uses that to his advantage. Reese is injured but he never backs down or gives up In the battles that ensue.
Relatability: Reese is intensely focused and committed. The audience sees a side of him they can relate to and inspire to be. His life wasn’t always easy but he has overcome incredible odds to get here and serve his country. Everyone loves a survivor and Reese is definitely that. We all want to see the hero ride in on a white horse and save the day even if they are flawed at the core.
7: Character Subtext: Withholding, Hiding something Reese doesn’t speak about what happened in his youth and he is very secretive about it. His actions give him away when other soldiers are calling home he isn’t. He lives in a state of guilt and shame over what happened to his brother and is often overly cautious for because of his fear of what can happen to others.
Subtext Logline: SFC Reese’s go-to response is protocol but when the family is in eminent dangerous his safe world fails him and he must default to his street sense to save the family and himself.
8: Character Intrigue: Hidden agendas, Secretive, Withholding
9: Flaw: Unafraid, will take on the world if he has to. Reese has a never back down attitude which can be his demise. He often defaults to regulations and rules to hide behind until he no longer can than he must think outside the box.
10: Values: Loyalty, Honor, Duty, his eternal soul, doing the right thing above all else, he has a never back down attitude.
11: Character Dilemma:
External Dilemma: Reese goes from being hamstrung and overly cautious to a soldier who puts doing the right thing above all else.
Internal Dilemma: Reese must overcome his hidden demons and past to become a fearless protagonist and advocate for the family, regardless of the personal outcome for him.
1: Role of the Story: Al-Sadar Antagonist
2: Age Range and Description: Al-Sadar, Arab descent late 40’s early 50’s medium build. Rugged and intimidating.
3 : Core Traits: Unafraid, Ruthless, committed, deeply committed to his faith
4: Motivation: Want/Need
Al-Sadar wants every foreigner out of Iraq and anyone who helped the western coalition punished as traitors. What he really wants he can’t have, his family back.
Need: His deep need to avenge the death of his family and the scourge of the occupying forces is all consuming. He is a man rushing to meet death knowing that is his only peace.
5: Wound: The killing of his wife and children in an American bombing raid has driven him to the point of no return. He will inflict maximum damage on anyone associated with the coalition.
6: Likability: Al-Sadar is well respected by his cell. He believes himself to be a patriot and soldier of Allah and expects nothing less from those around him. He is also a seasoned soldier who lost everything when the US disbanded the Republican Guard and took away his command. This cements his status as their leader even more. Al-Sadar does not compromise and for that we don’t have to like him but we must respect him.
Empathy: Through a series of events we understand that Al-Sadar wasn’t always a terrorist. We see there once was someone decent and caring but that person died with his family. He knows that what he is doing would not be what his wife would have wanted for him. He believes in the sovereignty of the Pan-Arab world and the right to self governance without Western interference. He is willing to die for his beliefs.
7: Character Subtext: Secretive, Hiding something, Crafty, Evil, immoral .
Subtext Logline: Al-Sadar is a man who is staring into the abyss and knows where his actions will eventually lead him, but he is committed to taking as many with him as he can.
8: Character Intrigue: Al-Sadar’s life is secretive and built upon deception and hidden agendas. His secrets will eventually cost him and others their lives but he does not compromise with his core beliefs and allegiance to a Pan Arab view.
Unspoken Wound:The death of his wife and children during the initial bombing raids left a hole in him no amount of casualties will ever fill.9: Flaw: Angry, bitter, lacks empathy for others, lacks mercy, has a misplaced sense of morality and uses religion and politics to justify his immoral acts. Judgmental, harsh
10: Values: He is unafraid to take on the Americans, values loyalty above all else. Values his culture to the exclusion of all other alternatives. He truly values revenge and holding those responsible for the death of his family and other Iraqis.
10: Values: to his credit, he is unafraid to take on the world since death has no meaning for him. Values loyalty and obedience from his fellow insurgents. Secretive and manipulative. An excellent planner strategist, Leader, who is strong and unapologetic.
11: Character Dilemma:
External dilemma: Al-Sadar’s journey is very similar to a lot of ex-Republican Guard soldiers suddenly removed from conscript service by the invading coalition. This is what created the terrorist movement in Iraq. His countries political problems forced total and permanent change on every Iraqi involved.
Internal Dilemma: Al-Sadar’s internal dilemma is far different than his external dilemma. He was a proud and honorable soldier for his country. When his family was killed at the beginning of the war he turned his anger outward and became a terrorist, lashing out at everyone and everything. He is at war with the world and seeks death for comfort. Because of this, Al-Sadar is the deadliest foe Reese and his men have ever faced.
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Module 3 Lesson 6: Character Profiles Part 1B
Vision Statement Working Hard to become the best write in Hollywood and as a result I do become the best screenwriter I can be.
What I learned from this exercise…. The continued depth and layers of our characters can be explored and fleshed out to help improve the scrip but it takes a lot of organization to do this.
Lloyd Shellenberger
A. The High Concept.
Letters from Baghdad
SFC Reese becomes the guardian angel to the family of an Iraqi interpreter after he is murdered by terrorists.
B.SFC. Jerry Del Reese Protaganists
Arc Beginning: A man who hides behind rules and regulations.
Arc Ending: A fearless soldier willing to risk it all for others.
Internal Journey: From being hamstrung and cautious about his Army career to a soldier who puts doing the right thing above all else.s
External Journey: By seeing the Iraqi people as more than just a mission he chooses to become the guardian angel for this family risking everything
OLD WAYS
SFC Reese started the movie living in his old ways.
Isolated in his military lifestyle, safe and secure.
Close minded to the suffering of the Iraqis.
Desperate need for security. He secretly believes if he doesn’t care for someone they will be all right.
Didn’t believe in himself because no one believed in him as a child.
Accepted the hierarchy of the military without question.
NEW WAYS
In the end, SFC Reese becomes this families guardian angel
Clearly sees the sacrifices of the Iraqi nationals.
Knows he is stronger than he has led himself to believe
Can make a life changing contribution to the war through this family.
Courageous. He opens up and cares about the family and commits to them fully.
Fighting for a cause that is bigger than himself and the Army, the human cause.
This character’s journey.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
SFC Reese is a gritty and smart character by design as he must face off against a government bureaucracy and deadly terrorists. He does not negotiate with the terrorist and he cannot be intimidated. He is a force to be reckoned with at the very least.
Role of the Story: SFC Jerry Reese Platoon Sergeant of the 1st Army division 361st Infantry Co. Company A 3rd Platoon Protagonists and Change agent
Age Range and Description: SFC Reese is a stoic professional soldier who hails from Brooklyn. He is late 30’s to early 40’s medium height and build.
Core Traits: Brave, Haunted, Task Master, Rules driven, often he risk adverse until he must be a problem solver.
Motivation: Want/Need
SFC Reese wants is to put the world he grew up in as far in the rear view mirror as possible.
Need: Self forgiveness and and vulnerability to let others in so that he can take a chance on others. He also believes he is redeeming himself once more if he can save the family.
Wound: The killing of his brother in a drive by shooting has left a deep wound he has never recovered from. In addition, Reese has never returned to Brooklyn since his brothers death or talked to his father since then because his father blames him for it.
Likability: SFC Reese is well liked by his company and the soldiers under his command, they trust him. He is a professional on the surface but just under the surface he knows it can all end in a second.
The family of the slain interpreter comes to trust and care about him as well. The Congressman who steps in to help him has great respect for his grit and his never back down attitude. Reese reminds us of that leader we would get in a foxhole and fight beside.
Empathy: When the audience sees the flashback of Reese’s little brother murdered in a drive-by shooting we now understand why the children lost in that market hit him so hard. He feels he failed them and we feel his pain. The antagonist knows that Reese cares and uses that to his advantage. In the battles that ensue Reese is injured but he never backs down or gives up.
Relatability: Reese is intensely focused and committed. The audience sees a side of him they can relate to and inspire to be. His life wasn’t always easy but he has overcome incredible odds to get here and serve his country. Everyone loves a survivor and Reese is definitely that. We all want to see the hero ride in on a white horse and save the day even if they are flawed at the core.
Role of the Story: Al-Sadar Antagonist
Age Range and Description: Al-Sadar, Arab descent late 40’s early 50’s medium build. He is ruthless and unapologetic about what he does.
Core Traits: Unafraid, Ruthless, committed
Motivation: Want/Need
Al-Sadar wants every foreigner out of Iraq and anyone who helped the western coalition punished as traitors. His need for revenge is at the core of every want.
Need: His deep need to avenge the death of his family and the scourge of the occupying forces is all consuming. He is a man rushing to meet death knowing that is his only peace.
Wound: The killing of his wife and children in an American bombing raid has driven him to the point of no return. He will inflict maximum damage on anyone associated with the Americans.
Likability: Al-Sadar is well respected by his cell. He believes himself to be a patriot and soldier of Allah and expects nothing less from those around him. He is also a seasoned soldier who foresees the US Army’s ploys and tactics. This cements his status as their leader even more. Al-Sadar does not compromise and for that we don’t have to like him but we must respect him.
Empathy: Through a series of events we understand that Al-Sadar wasn’t always a terrorist. We see someone who once was decent and caring but that person died with his family. He knows this path would not be what his wife would have wanted for him. He believes in the sovereignty of the Pan-Arab world and the right to self governance without Western interference.
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Lloyd Shellenberger
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Module 3 Lesson 5 Audience Connection to Characters
Vision Statement: Working Hard to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best screenwriter in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger
Title: Letters From Baghdad
Protagonist: SFC Jerry Reese
Likability/Relatability/Empathy
What I learned…Every character that is layered and nuanced is a character the audience will embrace and want to watch. Dark secrets and character flaws enhance the character.
SFC Jerry Reese Protagonist
Likability: SFC Reese is well liked by his company and the soldiers under his command, they trust him. The family of the slain interpreter comes to trust and care about him as well. The interpreter trusted Reese with his life as well. The North Dakota Congressman who steps in to help him has great respect for his grit and his never back down attitude as well. Reese reminds us of that leader or uncle we went to for help and he made everything better.
Empathy: When the audience sees the flashback of Reese’s little brother murdered in a drive-by shooting we now understand why the children lost in the open market hit him so hard. He feels he failed them and we feel his pain. The antagonist knows that Reese cares about the children and the widow and uses that to his advantage. In the battles that ensue and the various encounters, Reese is injured but he never backs down or gives up.
Relatability: Reese is intensely focused and committed. The audience sees a side of him they can relate to and aspire to be like. His life wasn’t always easy but he has overcome incredible odds to join the Army and serve his country. Everyone loves a survivor and Reese is definitely that. In addition, we all want to see the hero ride in on a white horse and save the day even if they are flawed at the core.
Title: Letters From Baghdad
Antagonist: Al-Sadar
Likability: Al-Sadar is well respected by his cell. He believes himself to be a patriot and soldier of Allah and expects nothing less from those around him. He is also a seasoned soldier who foresees the US Army’s ploys and tactics. This cements his status as their leader even more. Al-Sadar does not compromise and for that we don’t have to like him but we must respect him.
Empathy: Through a series of events we understand that Al-Sadar wasn’t always a terrorist. He once was a soldier and patriot but he lost his whole family in bomb raids over Baghdad and he blames the Americans and Western coalitions for that. He also believes in the sovereignty of the Pan-Arab world and the right to self governance without Western interference.
Relatability: While audiences most likely will not agree with him turning to murder and terrorism as a solution they will identify with Al-Sadar’s national identity. He believes Iraq belongs to the Iraqis and shouldn’t be a political football for the west to kick about.
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Module 3 Lesson 4: Assignment Character Intrigue
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I become the best writer in Hollywood
“What I learned from doing this assignment…
Detailed outlines for the emotional responses and actions give the script deeper layers, making it more interesting”
ASSIGNMENT
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Character Name: SFC Jerry Reese
Role: <div>Role: Protagonist
Hidden agendas: Reese sets up the antagonists after he realizes he must face them to save the interpreter’s family. In addition, the death of SFC Reese’s younger brother as a result of a drive shooting when he grew up in Brooklyn plays heavy on each of his decisions.
Unspoken Wound:The death of SFC Reese’s brother as a result of a rival gangs drive by.Secret Identity: Former Brooklyn gang member who joined the Army to get away from the neighborhood and give himself a chance at a future.
LogLine Subtext: SFC Reese’s go to response is protocol but when the family is in eminent dangerous safe world fails him and he must default to his street sense to save the family and himself.
Act 1: The open market scene in Baghdad shows a side of Reese that is street smart and and decisive. He saves his soldiers and many of the Iraqi’s there. He fails to save an Iraqi child and we see the profound effect it has on him.
Act 2: When the Iraqi interpreter is murdered despite Reese’s best effort to prevent it. He is too late to save him.
Act 3: Reese decides to play politics to help the family get the asylum visa. He contacts his Congressman and a broadcast Journalist, he attempts to force the US State Department to help them.
Act 4: Reese and his unit set up the terrorist, Al-Sadar, by giving him false bait in an attempt to bring about a final confrontation. Al-Sadar takes the bait setting up the confrontation between Reese, and his soldiers. Reese believes he has won but the antagonist tells him you cannot cut off the head of the Hydra since the head will always grow back. This convinces Reese the family must leave Iraq.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Character Name: Al-Sadar Terrorist </div><div>
Role: Antagonist
Conspiracy: Al-Sadar and his legion plan the murder of the Interpreter and his family and anyone else that gets in the way.
Secret Identity: Al-Sadar is a former Republican Guard who believes he is doing God’s work by ridding his land of the Infidels and killing those who help the coalition. His real Identity must be hidden or he will be arrested and executed.
Act 1: We see Al-Sadar setting up the massacre at the Baghdad open market. This is where Reese recognizes him as his nemesis and Al-Sadar sets his sites on the interpreter, Jerry and his unit.
Act 2: It is upon Al-Sadar’s orders that the wheels are set in motion to kill the Interpreter and his family. Al-Sadar executes the interpreter in front of his family. It is a message for others who would dare defy him and help the Americans.
Act 3: Al-Sadar and his crew attempt to kill the family but he is stopped by Reese and the soldiers. The deadly game is now afoot and Reese cannot afford to make any mistakes. This is where the old thinking dies and he now becomes fully committed and willing to do whatever it takes.
Act 4: SFC Reese and his unit plant false information in an attempt to draw out Al-Sadar. He takes the bait but Al-Sadar was a career soldier who is not easily fooled. He is a worthy adversary to Reese and his unit. In the final action scene, Al-Sadar tells Reese there are many heads to the Hydra and he can’t kill them all. Even in death, Al-Sadar believes he is justified and has won.
</div>
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Lloyd Shellenberger Module 3 Lesson 3 Subtext Characters
One Sentence Vision: Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result become the best writer in Hollywood
What I learned from this assignment is…how to lay out a subtext path before you write scenes so you can layer your characters more effectively.
Movie Title: Wind River
Character Name: Cory Lambert/Jeremy Renner
Subtext Identity: A reservation wild-life officer battles his demons after he is asked to assist on a murder case that is eerily similar to the death of his own daughter.
Subtext Trait: In denial, sad, grieving, going through the motions as if he has died with his daughter. He has never truly faced her death.
Subtext Logline: Cory Lambert is a man that must relive the loss of his teenage daughters death after an FBI agent asks him to assist on a murder case that is very similair.
Possible Areas of Subtext: His inability to allow himself to open up to the female agent is a direct result of his continued grief. His divorce is a direct result of the loss of his daughter that he has never truly come to grips with. He tries to talk to his wife about the case but she realizes is more about him finding closure than the case itself. His ex-wife knows he cannot find the answers he’s looking for and tells him so. Cory echos the advice of the grief counselor to the girl’s family but he hasn’t fully come to grips with it until the end. His last scene where he sits with the other grieving father is just as much about him as it is the family that just lost their girl.
Movie Title: Wind River
Character Name: FBI Agent Jane Banner/ Elizabeth Olsen
Subtext Identity: Suspicious Secretive, Banner is a new and relatively inexperienced agent who is out of her depth in this murder investigation and she knows it so she asks Cory for help.
Subtext Trait: Boss/Advocate Driven by a desire to succeed, she is ambitious but misses the bigger picture the loss the family and the Indian community. Tragedy is a case file till it isn’t anymore.
Subtext Logline: Jane is well insulated from the horror of the crime, hiding behind her badge and training using professionalism and emotional distance as her shield.
Possible Areas of Subtext: She is in charge and competent but inexperienced as shown by the shootout scene since she put herself in harms way without realizing it. After nearly dying and facing her own mortality, Jane grieves for the young beautiful woman taken in her prime. -
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result becoming the best writer in Hollywood
What I learned from this assignment is making sure the role and the script are of the quality needed to sell and produce using the best actors you can get.
Lloyd Shellenberger
WIM Module 3 — Lesson 2: Roles that Sell Actors
Lead Character Name: SFC Jerry Reese
Role: Protagonist
1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?
SFC Reese is a gritty and smart character by design as he must face off against a government bureaucracy and deadly terrorists. He does not negotiate with the terrorists and he cannot be intimidated. He is a force to be reckoned with at the very least.
2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?
SFC Reese is the catalyst that moves this story forward. He is the conscience and commitment behind the move to save this family. His morality and beliefs drive everything that happens. In contrast the lead antagonist believes that anyone who aids the Americans are traitors and he is equally committed to stopping them.
3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the script?
SFC Reese takes the terrorists head on and defies the State Department and his unit while risking his life to do so. Reese also saves the family in a firefight at the families home. He becomes fearless in the end. He openly seeks out the terrorists cells to eliminate them. He will not back down or give in.
4. How was the role introduced in a way that sold it to an actor?
In the beginning SFC Reese responds to Baghdad open market, he is cool and deliberate under fire and saves the lives of his soldiers and the civilians around him. He is far more street smart than the bad guys.
5. What is this character’s emotional range?
SFC Reese goes from indifferent to deeply committed, afraid to fearless, and finally from self centered to empathetic of the plight of the family and the Iraqi people. He is always a professional soldier who has seen it all in his military career.
6 – Subtext the actor can play.
In the beginning Reese is there to do his job and get the hell out of Iraq. His personal growth all comes from understanding the lists of subtexts he must understand. His need for security and order, his not wanting to initially get involved but eventually finding a reason to. Finally, his caring and protection of the family all come from subtexts he must accept and understand. Finally his growth as a soldier and a Christian in understanding the plight of the Iraqis.
7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character had?
The relationship between Reese and the family becomes a deep and meaningful one by the end of the movie, particularly the children. His understanding of the American bureaucratic system takes a full 180 degree turn by the end. Reese is aware of the flaws in the system and no longer accepts the status quo. He no longer the word of the American Government as absolute truth, his eyes are wide open.
8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?
In the scene with his commander in which he puts his life in danger to step in between the terrorist and the family. He defies his Commander, putting his career in jeopardy. In addition, we see the terrorist confrontation scene where Reese is not afraid to die for what he believes in, even when the odds are stacked against him.
9. How will this character’s voice be special and unique?
Reese is a survivor of the highest degree but he finds he can be better leader and and a better person person through this experience. His tough “bring it on New York attitude and never back down persona” is impressive and needed in this situation.
10. In the final scene with the family, the widow and her children hug Reese as they are put on a military transport. Reese promises them they will see him again one day. This is a promise you know he will keep at all costs.
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Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I am one of the best writers in Hollywood
What I learned from this exercise is the need to write the script with the lead actors in mind so they will accept the roles and help to get the movie made.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 3 Lesson 1: Characters That Sell Scripts
Movie Title: Batman Begins
Lead Character Name: Bruce Wayne/Batman
Genre: Action Drama
1 – Actor notoriety – Wants to be known for this part.
Bruce Wayne is a socialite by day and Batman by night. The dichotomy of this is stark and contrasting. The role has a built in audience with action and conflict most actors would love to be known for.
2 – Character that is most interesting in movie.
While Batman’s enemies are unique and interesting Batman is just as unhinged as they are. He has built a whole network around this alter ego and the psychosis that comes with his secret life. You as the viewer are forced to watch him cut a wide, destructive, path knowing there is no good end to this second life as a winged vigilante
3 – Takes most interesting actions in the story.
<font face=”inherit”>Batman portions off parts of his life, his company, and his fortune to fund his nocturnal anti crime activities. He is a skilled fighter and shows this on multiple occasions. He is also a skilled </font>sleuth<font face=”inherit”> who must match wits with a homicidal maniac to save Gotham and himself. He often puts himself in harms way to stop the antagonist. He is the most relentless and fearless character in the movie. </font>
4 – Outstanding Introduction.
From the murder of his parents, to his travels in the far East, to his association with the League of Shadows he is an interesting and dark character you cannot stop watching. We see right up front he is the most skilled fighter amongst murderers and thieves. More often than not his psychosis is played out in physical confrontations as witnessed early in the fight scenes with other inmates. He was put in solitary confinement not for his safety but the safety of others.
5 – Range of emotions the actor can play.
Bruce Wayne undergoes a range of emotions ranging from sadness and dispair to controlled rage as his alter ego Batman. When he puts on the suit he fundamentally changes with the new role he must play. Police officers, soldiers, and emergency rescue personnel do the same thing every day. Unfortunately, the suit and his persona are deeply tied together. He has every emotion at his disposal should he want to play it. Christian Bale played these nuances masterfully.
6 – Subtext the actor can play.
The subtexts are plentiful in Batman Begins starting with the death of his parents to the question of why is he in an Asian prison being recruited and trained by a secretive and dangerous organization. None of this is ever fully explained. It is left to the audience to fill in the blanks. Because of who he is, the situation fits him well and the subtexts also do too.
7 – Relationships that are interesting.
We the audience begin our focus on Bruce Wayne who is in hiding in the far East and undergoing a fundamental life change that will impact every part of his future. He must make a decision to join the League of Shadows or escape their control and risk death. His relationships with others is strained and difficult and Rachel can never break through to Bruce Wayne without encountering Batman. He is a man alone for the most part.
8 – Unique Voice expressed through dialogue and action.
Bruce Wayne/Batman’s voice comes from witnessing the murder of his Mother and Father. He is rooted in violence and anger. His actions reflect a man who is forever tormented and seething just below the surface. He is loaded with triggers that would keep a competent psychiatrist busy for a lifetime.
9 – Something truly special about this character.
Batman in a perfect world would be Bruce Wayne the billionaire but every thing that has happened to him has created a dark anti hero at best or a murderer at worst. He is not unlike the people he battles. He barely hangs onto his humanity, but his mastery of control allows him to navigate tricky situations that would kill the normal hero.
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Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I am one of the best writers in Hollywood
What I learned from this exercise is the need to write the script with the lead actors in mind so they will accept the roles and help to get the movie made.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 3 Lesson 1: Characters That Sell Scripts
Movie Title: Letters from Baghdad
Lead Character Name: SFC Jerry Reese
Genre: Action Drama
Title: Letters from Baghdad
High Concept: An Iraqi interpreter is murdered by terrorist, SFC Reese and his unit must step in to save the widow and her children from certain death.
Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle/Protagonist vs Terrorists
Character Logline: SFC Reese is a career soldiers who always follows the rules but now he must think outside the box to save himself and the family.
Unique: Reese grew up tough and ready on the streets of New York as a former gang member. This strong street sense allows him to see things unfold before they happen. As a result of his unsure and often chaotic upbringing, structure and security are paramount for his daily functioning, the Army provides this.
1 – Actor notoriety – Wants to be known for this part.
SFC Reese is a gritty and smart character by design as he must face off against a government bureaucracy and deadly terrorists.
2 – Character that is most interesting in movie.
SFC Reese is the catalyst that moves this story forward and the conscience behind the movement to save this family. His morality and beliefs drive everything that happens. In contrast the lead antagonist believes that anyone who aids the Americans are traitors and he is equally committed to stopping it.
3 – Takes most interesting actions in the story.
SFC Reese takes on the terrorists head on and defies the State Department and his unit while risking his life to do so. He becomes fearless in the end.
4 – Outstanding Introduction.
In the beginning SFC Reese responds to and open market area of Baghdad and saves the lives of his soldiers and the civilians around him by being more street aware and smarter than the bad guys.
5 – Range of emotions the actor can play.
SFC Reese goes from indifferent to deeply committed, afraid to fearless, and finally from self centered to empathetic of the plight of the family and the Iraqi people.
6 – Subtext the actor can play.
In the beginning Reese is there to do his job and get the hell out of Iraq. His personal growth all comes from understanding the lists of subtexts he must understand. His need for security and order, his not wanting to initially get involved but eventually finding a reason to do so. Finally, his caring and protection of the family all come from subtexts he must accept and understand.
7 – Relationships that are interesting.
The relationship between Reese and the family becomes a deep and meaningful one by the end of the movie. His conflicted relationship with his superiors and the State Department also drive many of his motivations. His understanding of the American bureaucratic system takes a full 180 degree turn by the end changing every belief he held dear. Reese is aware of the flaws in the system and no longer accepts the status quo.
8 – Unique Voice expressed through dialogue and action.
Reese is a survivor of the highest degree but he finds he can be a better leader and and a better person person through this experience. His tough “bring it on New York attitude and never back down persona” is impressive and needed in this situation.
9 – Something truly special about this character.
Reese isn’t just fighting for this family he is fighting for his very soul as he believes turning his back on this family can never be undone. He believes the unit, his fellow soldiers, and the State Department owe this family everything. Reese and his soldiers will risk everything to do the right thing.
10.
In 3:10 to Yuma the scene that stands out more than anything is when Dan tells Wade a fellow soldier shot off his leg and that he isn’t a hero. Dan shows a kind of courage that the Antagonist can identify with and respect so Wade decides to help him.
In the end, Dan won the respect of Wade and more importantly his son. He realizes the gang he has been running with are not the kind of men he wants to be associated with.
Wade is a scholar of the bible so an eye for and eye is his final response. His gang took the life of Dan so Wade takes theirs for payment.
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Is there more to this course than just two modules. I thought there were 9? Please advise?
Respectfully Yours;
Lloyd Shellenberger
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Lloyd Shellenberger Module 2 Lesson: 6 Build in the Genre Conventions
My Vision: Working hard everyday to become the vest writer I can be and as a result I will become very successful in Hollywood.
SOCIAL COMMENTARY: Because we are dealing with a Pan Arab Muslim culture almost all the norms and conventions of the Western world are not applicable here. A women leaving her country and the guidance of male oversight is not acceptable. Cultural and moral issues become very important in a male dominated society.
What I learned from doing this assignment is …?
Be ready to jettison old ideas for newer, fresher and better ideas All new ideas are in highlighted brown font.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
High Concept: When an Iraqi interpreter is murdered by terrorists, SFC Reese and his Army unit must step in to save the widow and her children from certain death.
Genre: Drama-Action
Major Story Hook: Impossible Goal/ Unsolvable Problem: SFC Reese must battle against the State Department, terrorists, and the military bureaucracy to take the widow and her children out of Baghdad to freedom.
Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle.
List of conventions used:
Demand for action
1. Seeking confrontation with the Terrorist cell in order to save the family.
2. The widow must fight to save herself and her children during a home invasion
3. SFC Reese and his unit witness first hand the devastation left behind by the terrorist
Hero: SFC Jerry Del Reese He is a reluctant hero who believes the only real sacrifices being made are by his fellow soldiers and misses the costs of war often paid by the Iraq’s themselves.
Antagonist: Al-Sadar A former Republican guard turned Terrorist, believes in the sovereignty and purity of a Pan-Arab muslim world where Americans are a threat to their way of life and religious freedom. the Americans do not belong here! Take them home in body bags is his primary belief. He is equally committed to expelling the soldiers as well.
SFC. Jerry Del Reese
Arc Beginning: A man who hides behind rules and regulations and is just trying to get out of Iraq alive.
Arc Ending: A fearless soldier willing to risk it all for others.
Internal Journey: From being hamstrung and obediant to a soldier who puts doing the right thing above all else.
External Journey: By seeing the Iraqi people as more than just a mission he chooses to become the guardian angel for this family, risking everything
OLD WAYS
SFC Reese started the movie living in his old ways.
Isolated in his military lifestyle, safe and secure.
Close minded to the suffering of the Iraqis.
Desperate need for security.
Champions the children who have lost everything, chooses love over playing it safe.
Accepted the hierarchy of the military without question.NEW WAYS
In the end, SFC Reese becomes this families guardian angel
Clearly sees the sacrifices of the Iraqi nationals.
Knows he is stronger than he has led himself to believe
Can make a life changing contribution to the war through this family.
Courageous and present in this families life
Fighting for a cause that is bigger than himself and the Army, the human cause.
Reese cares for the Iraqi Widow and her children and is completely committed to helping them.Arc Beginning: A women whose whole life is built around Iraqi tradition and her family.
Arc Ending: A fearless women who stands up against the terrorists and the State department to protect her children.
Internal Journey: From feeling helpless to having the strength to stand up to the world to save her children.
External Journey: From a frightened dutiful wife to fighting the system to give her children a better life.
OLD WAYS
Iraqi widow started the movie living in his old ways.
Isolated in her traditional lifestyle, safe and secure.
Never expected this kind of tragedy to nest in her home.
Desperate need for security at all costs.
Didn’t believe in her husbands desire to help the American at first.
Accepted the Reality of Iraqi life without question.NEW WAYS
In the end, the Iraqi widow becomes this strong and fierce protector of her children.
She sees the traditional, obedient, cultural norms will not work if she is to save her children.
Now that tragedy has found her, she decides to meet it head on without fear.
Her secure world has been shattered but she learns to overcome and adapt.
In the end she fully understand the sacrifices her husband made for his family and country.
No longer blindly accepts the culture she has been raised in and shows the strength to look elsewhere for life’s answers.ACT ONE:
Opening: We see SFC Reese’s unit and interpreter responding to a local Baghdad market where a bomb has killed sixty people.
For Reese and his unit there is a coldness, a detachment to all of it, but for the interpreter it hits home since he knows many of the victims. Reese see this.
Inciting incident: Terrorists visit the interpreter at his home threatening to kill him and his entire family if he doesn’t quit.
Turning Point: The plan is to put soldiers in the family home of the Iraqi Interpreter but the military says no, their are assassination attempts, forcing Reese and his unit to disobey orders.
ACT TWO:
New Plan: SFC Reese realizes The situation has changed, they cannot protect the family so the only way to save them is the get them out of Iraq.
Plan in Action: Soldiers volunteer to help protect the family but Reese is initially reluctant because it is not normal protocol.
Turning Point: Soldiers help them, but despite the efforts of Reese and his unit, the interpreter is murdered. The Terrorist threaten to come back for the wife and kids.
ACT THREE:
Rethinking Everything: Reese and his soldiers ignore orders and put themselves in harms way to save the wife and children defying military directives.
Old ways: The unit and the family are dealing with an unresponsive slow bureaucracy that will not help them. The unit tells Reese to step back telling him we are not personal bodyguards for anyone. Reese sees this a betrayal of the family and the Interpreter’s memory.
Turning Point/Huge failure/Major shift:
When the family is denied an asylum visa once again, Reese decides to fight fire with fire using the press to force career opticians in the State department to do the right thing. This infuriates the powers that be. Reese is openly defying the military and the State Department to help the family
ACT FOUR:
Climax /Ultimate expression of the conflict: In a compromise, Reese offers to bring back the head of Al-Sadar in exchange for the State Department’s cooperation. SFC Reese and his unit go on the offensive killing Al-Sadar and his followers in a fight on Hi-fa Street.
Resolution: Reese and his unit take the wife and her children to the interpreter’s grave openly defying terrorists threats before taking the family out of Baghdad.
The family relocates to America, freedom and safety.
Reese saves his military career and stands up to the system he believed failed the family
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WIM Lloyd Shellenberger Four Act Transformational Structure
My Vision: Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be and as a result, I will become very successful in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is …?
Planning and setting up the major plot points works well in knowing where the script twists and turns and avoids logic problems in the future.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Drama-Action
High Concept: When an Iraqi interpreter is murdered by terrorists, SFC Reese and his Army unit must step in to save the widow and her children from certain death.
Major Story Hook: Impossible Goal/ Unsolvable Problem: SFC Reese must battle against the State Department, terrorists, and the military bureaucracy to take the widow and her children out of Baghdad to freedom.
Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle.
SFC. Jerry Del Reese
Arc Beginning: A man who hides behind rules and regulations.
Arc Ending: A fearless soldier willing to risk it all for others.
Internal Journey: From being hamstrung and cautious about his Army career to a soldier who puts doing the right thing above all else.
External Journey: By seeing the Iraqi people as more than just a mission he chooses to become the guardian angel for this family, risking everything
OLD WAYS
SFC Reese started the movie living in his old ways.
Isolated in his military lifestyle, safe and secure.
Close minded to the suffering of the Iraqis.
Desperate need for security. Accepted the hierarchy of the military without question.NEW WAYS
In the end, SFC Reese becomes this families guardian angel
Clearly sees the sacrifices of the Iraqi Nationals.
Knows he is stronger than he has led himself to believe and he can make a life changing contribution to the war through this family.
Courageous.
Fighting for a cause that is bigger than himself and the Army, the human cause.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Arc Beginning: A women whose whole life is built around Iraqi tradition and her family.
Arc Ending: A fearless women who stands up against the terrorists and the State department to protect her children.
Internal Journey: From feeling helpless to having the strength to stand up to the world to save her children.
External Journey: From a frightened dutiful wife to fighting the system to give her children a better life.
OLD WAYS
Iraqi widow started the movie living in his old ways.
Isolated in her traditional lifestyle, safe and secure.
Never expected this kind of tragedy to nest in her home.
Desperate need for security at all costs.
Didn’t believe in her husbands desire to help the American at first.
Accepted the Reality of Iraqi life without question.NEW WAYS
In the end, the Iraqi widow becomes this strong and fierce protector of her children.
She sees the traditional, obedient, cultural norms will not work if she is to save her children.
Now that tragedy has found her, she decides to meet it head on without fear.
Her secure world has been shattered but she learns to overcome and adapt.
In the end she fully understand the sacrifices her husband made for his family and country.
No longer blindly accepts the culture she has been raised in and shows the strength to look elsewhere for life’s answers.ACT ONE:
Opening: We see SFC Reese and the Interpreter on a mission but SFC Reese is often dismissive and rude showing little patience or cultural understanding of him.
We see a Soldier and his unit that are just trying to put in their time and leave as soon as possible, the plight of the Iraqi people is not their problem.
Inciting incident: Terrorists visit the interpreter at his home threatening to kill him and his entire family if he doesn’t quit working for the Army.
Turning Point: The plan is to put soldiers in the family home of the Iraqi Interpreter but the military says no, Reese initially obeys but when Terrorists try to kill the family, Reese and his soldiers disobey orders.
ACT TWO:
New Plan: The Reality has changed since it has become obvious they cannot protect the family, the only way to save them is to get them out of Iraq.
Plan in Action: Soldiers volunteers to help protect the family but Reese and his men have no idea the scope of terrorist activities they are dealing with.
Turning Point: Despite the efforts of Reese and his soldiers, the interpreter is murdered. The Terrorist threaten to come back for the wife and kids.
ACT THREE:
Rethinking Everything: Defying military directives, Reese and his soldiers ignore orders and put themselves in harms way to save the wife and children
Old ways: The unit and the family are dealing with an unresponsive slow bureaucracy that will not help them. The unit tells the family “we are not personal bodyguards for anyone” betraying the family by adhering to the old ways and thinking.
Turning Point/Huge failure/Major shift:
Reese decides to fight fire with fire using the press to force career opticians in the State department to do the right thing infuriating the powers that be.
ACT FOUR:
Climax /Ultimate expression of the conflict: SFC Reese and his unit go on the offensive actively seeking out confrontation with the terrorists, openly defying the military and the State Department.
Resolution: Reese and his unit take the wife and her children to the interpreter’s grave openly defying terrorists threats before taking the family out of Baghdad.
The family relocates to America, freedom and safety.
Reese saves his military career and leaves Iraq with his soul and conscience intact.
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Lloyd Shellenberger Subtext Plot Module 2 Lesson 4
[WIM] Module 2 — Lesson 4: What’s Beneath the Surface?
Vision Statement: Working hard everyday to become the best write I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
What I learned from this exercise is how to use the examples given to point out what actually happened in this story even though what thought would happen didn’t.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Drama-Action
High Concept: An Iraqi interpreter is murdered by terrorist, SFC Reese and his Army unit step in to save the widow and her children from certain death. True Story
Major Story Hook: Impossible Goal/Unsolvable Problem. SFC Reese battles military and State Department bureaucracy, and terrorists to take the widow and her children out of Baghdad to freedom.
Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle
Character: SFC Reese Protagonist
Character Log line: SFC Reese is a career soldier who always follows the rules but he must think outside the box the save himself and the family.
Unique: Reese grew up on the mean streets of New York and developed a strong survival mechanism that serves him well in this case.
I chose Competitive Agendas because the three main players, Reese and the family, The terrorists, and the State Department all seems to have different agendas.
On surface: The State Department, the family of the slain Interpreter, and SFC Reese appear to be in agreement on what should happen to help this family but what really happens is entirely different.
Under surface: The soldiers of this unit push back to the point of defying the State department, their unit, and the terrorists in an effort to get the wife and children out of Baghdad.Beneath The Surface: Reese is dealing with…
The murder of his Iraqi interpreter.
The fear that he cannot see past his professional constraints to do the right thing.
The intrigue of whether he is even capable of saving the family.
Breaking through his own internal resistance.
How this deadly triangle will play out.
SFC Reese’s relationship with this family.
The gap between what the State department says and does.
The dilemma of Reese’s life versus the Widow’s life.
The righteous and moral implications of turning your back on someone who died as a result of helping you and the Americans.
Subject Line: Lloyd Shellenberger Subtext Plot What’s Beneath the Surface?
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Thank you very much!
Cheers
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Cassie,
Actually the State Department was a major hinderance either because of indifference or strict adherence to the rule of law at the cost of the spirit of the law. The State Department had to be forced to give this family by the Congressman and public outcry. I cannot name the family or Congressman as time has been fortunate to protect them. What do think?
Cheers,
Lloyd Shellenberger
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Thanks Francine,
I am leaning toward dramatic Triangle and I am very much aware that Antagonist vs Protagonist is in this as well since it is SFC Reese vs. the terrorists. There is a characteristic of both here.
This script also lends to a demand for action so it is a Drama/Action genre or at least I believe so? What do you think? Thanks for your input.
Cheers,
Lloyd
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Sorry also the Character/Antagonist is named Robert Delaney as I have changed all the names of this script to protect the family. This is a true story I was asked to cover this by the State Department and the Dakotas Congressman who helped the family.
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Working hard everyday to become the best writer In Hollywood.
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…?”
I learned that laying out the emotional path ahead of time gives you a clearer road on which to take your characters down as far as personal growth.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 2 Lesson 3 The Transformational Journey
I believe there are two journeys that occur in this script including the widow and her family who must now face life alone without her husband and father of her children. How she approaches life is forever altered.
SFC. Jerry Del Reese
Arc Beginning: A man who hides behind rules and regulations.
Arc Ending: A fearless soldier willing to risk it all for others.
Internal Journey: From being hamstrung and cautious about his Army career to a soldier who puts doing the right thing above all else.s
External Journey: By seeing the Iraqi people as more than just a mission but he chooses to become the guardian angel for this family risking everything/
OLD WAYS
SFC Reese started the movie living in his old ways.
• Isolated in his military lifestyle, safe and secure.
• Close minded to the suffering of the Iraqis.
• Desperate need for security.
• Didn’t believe in himself because no one believed in him as a child.
• Accepted the hierarchy of the military without question.
NEW WAYS
In the end, SFC Reese becomes this families guardian angel
• Clearly sees the sacrifices of the Iraqi nationals.
• Knows he is stronger than he has led himself to believe
• Can make a life changing contribution to the war through this family.
• Courageous.
• Fighting for a cause that is bigger than himself and the Army, the human cause.
Iraqi Interpreter’s Widow
Arc Beginning: A women whose whole life is built around Iraqi tradition and her family.
Arc Ending: A fearless women who stands up against the terrorists and the State department to protect her children.
Internal Journey: From feeling helpless to having the strength to stand up to the terrorist and save her children.
External Journey: From a frightened dutiful wife to fighting the system to give her children a better life.
OLD WAYS
Iraqi widow started the movie living in his old ways.
• Isolated in her traditional lifestyle, safe and secure.
• Never expected this kind of tragedy to nest in her home.
• Desperate need for security at all costs.
• Didn’t believe in her husbands desire to help the American at first.
• Accepted the Reality of Iraqi life without question.
NEW WAYS
In the end, the Iraqi widow becomes this strong and fierce protector of her children.
• She sees the traditional, obedient, cultural norms will not work if she is to save her children.
• Now that tragedy has found her, she decides to meet it head on without fear.
• Her secure world has been shattered but she learns to overcome and adapt.
• In the end she fully understand the sacrifices her husband made for his family and country.
• No longer blindly accepts the culture she has been raised in and shows the strength to look elsewhere for life’s answers.
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Title: Letters from Baghdad
Genre: Drama-Action
High Concept: An Iraqi interpreter is murdered by terrorists SFC Reese and his Army unit must step in to save the widow and her children from certain death.
Major Story Hook: Impossible Goal/ Unsolvable Problem: SFC Reese must battle against the State Department, local terrorist, and the military bureaucracy to take the widow and her children out of Baghdad to freedom.
Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle.
Character: SFC Jerry Del Reese – Protagonist
Character Logline: SFC Reese is a career soldier who always follows the rules he must think outside the box to save himself and the interpreter’s family even if he risks it all to do so.
Unique: Reese grew up tough and ready on the mean streets of New York and has a strong sense of the streets allowing him to see two steps ahead of his enemies. Structure is his fortress, something he didn’t have growing up.
Character: Local Al-Quida Terrorist cell leader Mohammed Al–Sadar- Antagonist
Character Logline: Mohammed Al Sadar is a native Iraqi and former Iraqi Republican guard turned terrorist who has made it his personal mission to make all those who help Americans pay with their lives, including their families.
Unique: Al-Sadar is a cunning and formable opponent with military experience and an unrivaled ruthless streak to match.
Character: Robert Callahan – Antagonist
Character Logline: Robert Delaney is a career politician assigned to the Baghdad Provincial Reconstruction team in Baghdad province who sees the situation from a legal scenario rather than a human scenerio.
Unique: Robert knows the Iraqi landscape better than anybody and is quite capable of maneuvering around it but is he willing to risk it all for this family?
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Sorry Forgot to post vision statement
Module 2 Lesson two Intentional Lead Characters
IM: Lloyd’s Intentional Lead Characters
My Vision: Working hard everyday to become the vest writer I can be and as a result I will become very successful in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is …?
Having and Idea upfront about what lead characters actions will and won’t do based upon life experiences helps give you a clearer path.
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Lloyd Shellenberger
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be in Hollywood and as a result being successful at it!
What I learned from this fits my thinking and willingness to use formulas and established concepts in a modular mode.
[WIM] Module 2 — Lesson 1: Great Outlines Make Great Scripts!
High Concept: After several failed inquiries to secure a visa for the family of a murdered Iraq interpreter, U.S. Soldiers risk their lives to save widow and her children from certain death.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Major Story Hook: Sergeant Reese and his men risk their lives and careers to save a mother and her children from terrorists hellbent on murder.
Finally, a South Dakota Congressman steps in at the request of the soldiers from his district to force the State department do the right thing.
Based upon a true story. The names and faces will be changed to protect the family.
Character Structure:Dramatic Triangle
Dramatic Triangle
I am struggling trying to pick the character vehicle to use?
Is this where we post our assignments now? I hope so.
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I agree to the terms of this release.
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Lloyd Shellenberger
I have written 4 scripts and several documentaries and print projects. I hope to improve my script writing abilities through this class. I am an independent Producer who wants to improve my writing skills.
I was an AFN journalist during the Iraqi and Afghanistan wars. Covered the mass graves of Iraq with National Geographic. Created Public Affairs publicity kits for politician and dignitaries visiting the area of operations. I retired from the military in 2021. I look forward to working with all of you.
Respectfully Yours;
Lloyd Shellenberger
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5 script if you count the Bladerunner sequel that sits on my wall. I try not to count it.
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Lloyd Shellenberger
Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be in Hollywood and as a result being successful at it!
What I learned from this fits my thinking and willingness to use formulas and established concepts in a modular mode.
[WIM] Module 2 — Lesson 1: Great Outlines Make Great Scripts!
High Concept: After several failed inquiries to secure a visa for the family of a murdered Iraq interpreter, U.S. Soldiers risk their lives to save widow and her children from certain death.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Major Story Hook: Sergeant Reese and his men risk their lives and careers to save a mother and her children from terrorists hellbent on murder.
Finally, a South Dakota Congressman steps in at the request of the soldiers from his district to force the State department do the right thing.
Based upon a true story. The names and faces will be changed to protect the family.
Character Structure:Dramatic Triangle
Dramatic Triangle
A dramatic triangle has three characters wrapped up in a web where there are deeper implications to their relationships than what we see in the beginning. Much of the drama is based around how the three people are connected as the layers are revealed.
The triangle here that I see is the family, the terrorist vs the soldier, and finally the State department.
Protagonist versus Antagonist.
The Protagonist is the “hero” of the story. He or she is the main character that we follow throughout their journey. The Antagonist is the person who opposes them or who causes the most change in the Protagonist. This character structure pits these two against each other with these two being the main players. One is going to be the winner and the other the loser.This could also be a case of the Soldiers vs. Terrorist in a much simpler form.
I am struggling trying to pick the character vehicle to use?
Is this where we post our assignments now? I hope so.
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Lloyd Shellenberger
I have written 5 scripts
I hope to become a better writer and better producer
Former Military served in Iraq former AFN Journalist covered the Mass Graves of Iraq and visits from dignitaries and politicians and other historical events during my tenure
I look forward to learning and growing with all of you
Lloyd Shellenberger
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Lloyd Shellenberger.
“I agree to the terms of this release form.”
GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Brian,
I have actually followed your work and learned a lot from watching you. Thanks.
Would you be willing to critique my pitches and I would do the same if that is allright? Let me know please.
Respectfully Yours,
Lloyd Shellenberger
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Margaret,
Would you be willing to critique my pitches? If so let me know. I posted them in the forum.
Respectfully Yours,
Lloyd Shellenberger
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Module 10 Lesson 9
Left Behind, Letters from Baghdad: Lloyd’s Phone Pitch
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
“What I learned from this lesson is…how to keep things short, concise and to the point rather than talk myself out of a sale.
Hello,
“Hi, I’m Lloyd Shellenberger and I have the starting funds for a movie. Can I tell you about it in 30 seconds? I have a tentative commitment of 100 million if I can secure an A-list actor and director.
I am a retired AFN broadcast journalist and Special Operations soldier who covered the Iraq and Afghanistan wars and I have actual war time experience. I am also an accredited executive producer as well. My videos and footage have appeared in several documentaries, including Operation Homecoming, nominated for an Academy award. The story you are about to hear is inspired by true events.
After the murder of an Iraqi Interpreter, SFC Miles Clark and his unit must risk their lives and careers to save the widow and her children from certain death at the hands of a vengeful terrorist.
The budget is between 50 and 100 million. I see Bradley Cooper, Patrick Dempsy, Paul Rudd, and Orlando Bloom in the lead roles.
This is currently with the producers of Coming to America 2 and Joe Mehri, a prolific filmmaker in his own right.
Your company has produced great movies with a kind of quality and production value I admire.
The movie ends with SFC Clark taking the interpreter’s ashes atop the convention center and releasing them to scatter toward the Haydar-Khana Mosque at the request of the widow. This scene is a metaphor for Clark releasing his past and moving forward. The interpreter’s widow suggests they will both find peace by doing this.
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CJ are you ready to exchange scripts?
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Call me at 747-210-1983 or lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com when you are ready. Also I wrote a TV and Streaming version for both. High Concept. Colonel Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited by a Top Secret Pentagon Agency to make sure the nations secrets stay secret.
Action Drama
What’s yours?
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Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
Module 6 Lesson 5 Feedback
I had the privilege of reading Lenore’s script. It brought back great memories of my time in Berlin. More importantly, she gave me excellent advice and feedback and showed me several errors in my formatting. Lenore is an excellent writer and devoted to her craft and I am hopeful her script is picked up. Thank you, Lenore, for your advice.
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WIM Module 5, Lesson 14
Lloyd Shellenberger Has Finished Act 3 Working on Act 4
My vision: To become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I really write bad stuff that will require considerable re-write but this is teaching me to trust the process.
I’m hoping the next Modules will clean up the mess!
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Lloyd Shellenberger
Working hard to be the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood
What I learned from this is to stop word smithing and grinding myself to a halt. I am writing scenes as fast as I can and putting them down the moving to the next.
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Hello
I am looking for feedback would you be willing to exchange our outlines for review for lesson 11?
Respectfully Yours;
Lloyd Shellenberger
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Lenore,
I Had a chance to read your work. I think this reminds of a period piece much like Oppenheimer. I have been to East and West Berlin several times and it does lend to an air of romanticism as well. I think it would work well in this piece. There are also some facts that I remember such as the Unter-Bahn being the only thing that could travel East and West but that was secured in short fashion by the Soviets. The People’s Democratic Hall was by Checkpoint Charlie. The US State Department gaff that kicked off the cold war and caused the division of East and West Germany. Also, the Soviets used Diplomatic status to travel freely between East and West Germany to spy on people. Those are all facts I am sure you are aware of that affect the story.
If there are flashbacks in this piece they should be clearly noted as flashbacks. If not, it could be confusing. Their is a rich history that would lend to this story, making it very interestingm, I like it. It has a powerful and emotional feel to it. I do see it as more of a romantic period piece of love never realized that could draw you in. It leaves you wanting to know more about the lead characters connections as well as the two lovers fates. Best of luck and thank you for letting me read it.
Sincerely,
Lloyd Shellenberger
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I was looking for a partner and I was just coming on to do that. If you are interested it would be a great idea. My email is lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com and my phone # is 747-210-1983 if it is necessary? Let me know what you want to do? Here is Lesson 10 outline. Send me yours as well. I will also send it to your email too.
Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the Best writer in Hollywood.
Lloyd Shellenberger Module 4 Lesson 10 Making Every Scene Fascinating
“What I learned from doing this assignment is the continued and precise plotting of these scenes helps to nail down what you want from your characters and the scenes themselves it helps to establish the beats.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
High Concept: When an Iraqi interpreter is murdered by terrorist SFC Reese and his men risk everything to save the widow and her children from certain death.
First act interest techniques: Internal Dilemma-Reese and the death his brother and soldier. External Drama-interpreters struggles with the State Department and how Reese views them once he finds out. Mislead/reveal-the interpreter knows who Al-Sadar is but he is afraid to tell Reese. Mislead/Reveal- the ambush on Reese and his unit.
Title Letters from Baghdad
Genre Action Drama
ACT 1:
Scene 1 (Betrayal) We also see betrayal as the Interpreter is denied his visa. The mood dramatically changes. (Subtext) We see Reese’s old ways and his rigid approach to his soldiers. When the killings take place, Reese shows another side we didn’t see coming.
INT. OPERATIONS CENTER 306th INFANTRY CO. – PRE DAWN 2-5 Pages
SCENE ARC 1:
START: Early morning patrol prep. Designed to show Reese’s demand for compliance and protocol. Soldiers mock his preciseness.
END: the interpreter gets denial letter from the State Department, Reese retrieves it from the trash.
Scene 2 (Action) The power and might of the US Military is on full display Mystery/Suspense
EXT. GREEN ZONE FRONT GATE BAGHDAD – DAWN 5-10 Pages
SCENE ARC 2:
START: Humvees and MRPS exit the Green zone and rumble through the streets of Baghdad.
END: Scene ends with the Humvees and MRPS pulling up and dismounting at the market.
Scene 3
EXT. BAGDAD OPEN AIR MARKET – DAY
The convoys pulls up to the open air market. In the course of the patrol the Interpreter spots a well hidden trench and wires.
SCENE ARC 3:
START: Reese and his men dismount and begin their foot patrol.
Reese realizes his men, civilians, and the interpreter are in the Kill Zone.
Reese must extract his men and the civilians before the explosives are detonated.
END: Scene ends with the daisy chained M-122’s exploding killing a mother and her child.
Scene 4
INT. BAGHDAD APARTMENT COMPLEX ADJACENT TO PARK – DAY
SCENE ARC 4:
START: Reese and his men spot and chase Al-Sadar through an adjacent building and find out it was an ambush.The ambush was well thought out.
END: (Superior Position)We find out this was a setup for an ambush on Reese’s men. (Essence) This is the scene that sets the Antagonist and the Protagonist on the road to the final conflict.
Scene 5
INT. GREEN ZONE COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – LATER THAT DAY 2-3 Pages
SCENE ARC 5:
START: Reese sits in his office writing a letter to the family of the soldier. He can no longer contain himself and violently sweeps his desk. He has written too many of these.
END: Those words ring true. Reese breaks down and cries.
(conflict) The death of a soldier could cost him his career. (Essence) The essence of this scene is the statement on the condition of the Iraqi society and what war has done to them. Will Reese get it?
Essence: The scenes are designed to show how far the transformational journey for Reese must be. We also see the struggles and tragedy war has brought to the Iraqi people. The interpreters have been vilified and exposed.
Conflict: Reese and his men are up against a brutal and skilled terrorist cell. The State Department is part of the triangle Reese must defeat. War presents unforgiving consequences for any mistakes. The game is life and death.
Subtext: This scene opens a wound from Reese’s past about the loss of his brother in a drive by. Reese always plays by the rules until he can’t. Reese’s rude and dismissive behavior toward the interpreter is changed forever when he is saved by him. His realization that soldiers are not the only ones suffering in this war. The fact that the interpreter didn’t tell him he had applied for asylum is a stinging bite since Reese felt he understood the dynamics of the war better than anybody. During the market scene we foreshadow the murder of the Interpreter.
Hope/fear: His hope that day is to have an uneventful day. His fear is exactly what happened. He lost a man and he may be at fault for it.
Intrigue moments scene one: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene below.
Scheme: SFC Reese an his men are setup on routine patrol by a terrorist. The terrorist sets up the ambush leaving Reese and his men to decide who lives and dies. Reese is saved by his Iraqi interpreter. Reese lets his anger get the better of him and it costs the life of a soldier as this was a set for an ambush.
Irony/Intrigue: The same interpreter he is often rude and dismissive is the hero that saved him. He finds out the interpreter was a soldier too.
Cover up: Before the market scene. Reese gives his safety speech, meanwhile the Interpreter is called into the commanders office and given a letter. He later reads it in the briefing room and realizes it is another denial letter from the State Department for his Asylum request. He angrily tosses it into the trash and is visibly upset. He will not tell Reese. Reese retrieves the letter and reads it.
Mystery: What is he afraid of? Why won’t he show it to Reese? He believes Reese will never understand and would be of little help.
Intrigue: The letter is coming from the Baghdad office and an individual Reese thought was sympathetic to the plight of the interpreters. Why is he denying the request. We find out later it is the Iraqi government demanding the US Army turn over the names of the Interpreters which the State Department has resisted until now.
Second act interest techniques: Suspense-The attack on the family. Betrayal-The denial letters to the Interpreters family. Surprise-The attack was quick and lethal. Mystery-Will Reese get Al-Sadar and will his career survive?
ACT 2:
Scene 6
EXT. BAGHDAD STREET – PREDAWN A quite street appears normal but this is a prelude to the hell that is about to be unleashed by Al-Sadar and his men. (Mystery) What will happen to the family. 4-10 Pages
SCENE ARC 6:
START: (Suspense) The family appears to begin another day normally but it is the Interpreter’s last moments. Reese receives a phone call telling him his family is under attack. He immediately dispatches the QRF to the Interpreters home
END: (Surprise) The interpreter lies dead on the front lawn as the family watched his murder in horror.
Scene 7
INT. INTERPRETER’S HOME BAGHDAD – PRE-DAWN 4-10 Pages
SCENE ARC 7
START: (Intrigue) Reese and his men stakeout the the home to protect the family, Al-Sadar returns as promised. Reese tries to deal with an incompetent police force with little interest in helping. Reese finds stacks of denial letters from the State Department.
END: Al-Sadar returns, but he is unsuccessful. Reese’s newest soldier is killed in the raid.
Scene 8
INT. 306th INFANTRY DIVISION HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT 2-3 Pages
SCENE ARC 8:
START: Reese is told he will face disciplinary hearings for the loss of two men and he may loose his command. The Commander tells him his men should have never there.
END: His commander tells him to just do his job and get the hell out of this place alive. Reese tells him there is more than that to helping these people. He shows him the letters from the interpreters family.
Scene 9
INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE – DAY 2-3 Pages
SCENE ARC 9:
START: (Uncomfortable Moment) Reese throws the letters on the desk of the diplomat and asks him to justify the murder of his interpreter. He can’t but he tells him the Iraqi government is demanding the names of the interpreters but he hasn’t given them to the Iraqi officials.
END: Reese leaves vowing to help this family at all costs and suggest the Diplomat help and do not give the Iraqis the interpreters names.
Essence: The scenes are designed to show what levels of bureaucracy Reese must fight and the futility of the fight. We also see the fight the Interpreter and his family faced requesting Asylum.
Conflict: The State Department is being pressured not to give Asylum visas to the interpreters. Trying to keep the family alive with limited resources, cooperation, and manpower.
Subtext: Reese sees the family as his validation of everything he is doing as a soldier and vindication for his brother’s murder. The State department and those in charge can no longer be trusted.
Hope/fear: His hope is that he can get an asylum visa for this family. Fear, they will be killed before he can get them out.
Intrigue moments Act Two: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene.
Covert Agenda: Al-Sadar has decided he will make and example of the interpreter and his family. He ambushes them at his home killing an American Soldier.
Cover Up: the interpreter knew who the Terrorist was but said nothing out of fear. The Terrorist has moles even in the units and on the main post.
Conspiracy: Reese and his men deceive their command and protect the widow and her children. Reese believes he can kill Al-Sadar and sets him up at the widows home but he only wounds him. Reese realizes he is up against a skilled opponent.
Intrigue: The murder of the Interpreter and the threats on the family.
Wound open for Reese: connected to the child killed at the market. Reese’s soldier’s connect the dots and realize his brother was murdered in a drive by shooting.
Cover Up concerning Reese: They also suspect he killed the ones responsible for that. He has never returned home to Brooklyn and visit his parents like other soldiers.
Mystery: Did he kill his brothers murderers. Why is he so street smart? We see this in the First act. He immediately calls for the spotter.
He knows someone is watching and waiting to set off the bombs. He doesn’t tip his hand.
Scheme: He decides to play politics and take on the State Department. He will not accept the denial letter and he draws in the Congressman.
Covert Agenda: No one knows he was going to basically take the Congressman to the family home. The military command din’t know it was a setup when he volunteered for VIP protection duty. The audience didn’t know either.
Act Three interest techniques: Mystery/External Drama-Al-Sadar has stepped up his attacks on American Military. Intrigue/Mislead/Reveal- Reese is going after Al-Sadar by leveraging a local influential Sheik. Conflicts/Superior Position Reese knows what no one else knows, who is the mole and how to use him.
ACT 3:
Scene10
EXT. HUMVEE – STREETS OF BAGHDAD – DAY 4-6 Pages
SCENE ARC 10:
START: There are a series for bombings depicted on the news and in the streets of Baghdad. These are seen from the pedestrians point of view. News Clipping will also help. External Drama/Intrigue/Suspense
END. Bodies being place in body bags as the death toll mounts. (Uncertainty for the future of the Coalition forces.)
Scene 11
EXT. WIDOWS HOME – NIGHT 5-8 pages
SCENE ARC 11:
START: Reese and his men do an off the books mission of visiting a Sheiks house
(Twists/Mislead/Reveal) Reese and his men are leaving the wire after hours and approaching and threatening the local Sheik for information on Al-Sadar. When they get it they now have a bargaining chip to take him down and save the careers.
END: They convince him to give up Al-Sadar or the money will be cut off. (Surprise) no one thought he would give him up but the money flow was too important for the Sheik.
Scene 12
INT. US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE ROBERT DELANEY’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 12:
START: Congressmen and women from various districts are in his conference room. A knock on the doors alerts Robert. He answers and Reese appears. (Uncomfortable) Reese forces the State Department to help the family and embarrasses the Ambassador.
END: Reese volunteers for a mission as VIP protection for the targeted Congressman and his crew. (Intrigue) Reese introduce the Politician to the family in hopes he will sponsor them. (Mislead/Reveal)In order to do this he must make the command he is a team player who just wants to help.
Scene 13
EXT. STREETS OF BAGHDAD UP- ARMORED BUSES – DAY 5-8 Pages
SCENE ARC 13:
START: The Congressman stands up and walks to the front of the bus. He orders the driver to go to this address. It is the Widows. 8-12 Pages
END: After talking to the widow and her family the Congressman agrees to sponsor them. (Conflicts)The Diplomats are furious with Reese since he arranged this behind their back but there is nothing they can do. It appears his career is over.
Scene 14
INT. COMMANDERS OFFICE GREEN ZONE BAGHDAD – DAY 2-4 Pages
SCENE ARC 14:
START: Reese and his men are told they will be sent back and they will face disciplinary action. (Mislead/Reveal)Reese responds by saying he can bring down Al-Sadar. He says he is the only one that can. Reese tells them who the mole is and how they can use him. Plan is devised.
END: The state Department agrees to Reeses plan and allows him and his men to stay if he can pull it off. (Superior Position) Al-Sadar is to be brought in alive. Reese cuts a deal that allows him and his men to protect the widow and her children until they are on the plane and safe.
Scene 15
INT. MILITARY INTELLIGENCE/CIA OFFICE CONVENTION GATE 3 HOTEL – DAY 2-5 Pages
SCENE ARC 15
START: (Mystery) Reese is called into an intel meeting and ordered to give up his intel. He won’t do it unless he runs the raid. His commander backs him.
END: CIA and Intel officers confirm Al-Sadar has taken the bait and the 81st Airborne is put-on an alert for the offensive on Heifa Street.
Essence: Reese’s old ways are gone he is committed at all cost to stop Al-Sadar and save this family.
Conflict: Time is not in his favor or the widows. The terrorists will kill the family.
Subtext: This is Reese’s salvation. He cannot let the widow and children die like he did his brother. They are the one thing that validates him and who he has become and what he has left behind.
Hope/fear: His hope was to get the Congressman to sponsor them. His fear would be he wouldn’t and they would be denied the visa.
Intrigue moments Act Three: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.
Cover Up. Reese and his men are staying at the home of the widow against the orders of the Command. Reese reminds his commander of the promise he made.
Hidden Agenda: Reese uses this time to gather intel. He actually leaves the wire and contacts a local sheik. Reese demands he hand over Al-Sadar or the protection payments will end.
Hidden Identity: There is a mole on the main post identified by the Sheik. The command doesn’t fire him, instead they use him to set up Al-Sadar.
Covert Agenda: By feeding the informant false information the State Department is able to determine who the mole is. Reese follows him and locates Al-Sadar.
A sense of Urgency: Attacks around Baghdad have increased leaving bodies in their wake.
Reese says he can stop them. The CIA and intel mock him asking how a grunt can do what they can’t. He says because I know him, I am him!
Scheme: Reese and his men are facing military discipline but Reese cuts a deal to bring Al-Sadar in. He sets up Al-Sadar using the mole. Reese has no intention of bringing Al-Sadar in alive. He tells the mole their will be a small patrol on Heifa Street and when. He also tells the mole he will be leading that patrol. Al-Sadar has his sights set on Reese, the man who injured him.
Act Four interest techniques: Mystery/External Drama-Al-Sadar has stepped up his attacks on American Military. Mislead/Reveal- Reese is going after Al-Sadar by leveraging a local influential Sheik. (Character Change) Reese and his parents.
ACT 4
Scene 16
INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE – DAY 2-4 Pages
SCENE ARC 16:
START Reese is called in by the diplomat and a Col. who tells him The Visa is approved and the preparations are made to get them out of Baghdad but If he fails and more men are killed his career is over.
END: He convinces him he has intel and needs their help in setting up Al-Sadar, they agree and the plan is set in motion.
Scene 17
INT. TRAILER IN THE GREEN ZONE – NIGHT
SCENE ARC 17:
START: Reese and several of his men are drinking and talking about the raid tomorrow. (Uncertainty)
END: Reese reveals what happened to his brother while he was growing up in Brooklyn. It is the first time he ever told anyone. (Reveal)
Reese and his men drink and talk the night before the raid. We see Reese is worried for his men.
Scene 18
EXT. HEIFA STREET BAGHDAD – DAY 4-10
SCENE ARC 18:
START: It appears as though Reese and his men are on their own but they are acting as bait. (Mislead/Reveal) The 81st has already scouted the position and several OH-58’s are in the area ready for the battle. They will deploy the old draw out and seep in and destroy tactic developed in Vietnam.
END: Reese and his men Kill Al-Sadar and his crew. Reese does not lose anymore men. (Action/Intrigue)
Scene 19
INT. STATE DEPARTMENTS OFFICE US EMBASSY BAGHDAD – DAY 3-5 Pages
SCENE ARC 19:
START: Reese is told that the names of the interpreters were submitted but because of the language barrier they may have submitted the wrong names.(Surprise)
END: The ambassador thanks him for reminding him why we are here and tells him if he ever wants to run for office he should since he can play a pretty mean game of politics. He also tells him the mole was arrested.
Scene 20
EXT. GRAVEYARD BAGHDAD – DAY 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 20:
START: Reese and his men exit the MRP and escort the family to her husbands grave. Reese promises to come and see her and the boys. (Uncomfortable Moments) There seems to be something there between the Widow and Reese and The children adore him as well.
END: She boards the bus and we cut to the BIAP with a C130 taking off with Reese and his men watching the military transport taking off.
Scene 21
EXT. SOLDIER’S PHONE PHONE BANK GREEN ZONE- DAY 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 21:
START: Reese picks up a phone and hesitates. He hangs up and walks away.
END: A second later he returns and dials a number.
Scene 22
INT. REESE’S PARENTS HOME BROOKLYN, NY – NIGHT 1-2 Pages
SCENE ARC 22:
START: You see the parents and Reese talking on the phone/spit screen. They seem genuinely happy to hear from him.(Character Changes Radically) We see a side of Reese we have never seen. He is loving and positive with his mother and father on the phone.
END: We fade out as we see Reese finally at peace with himself and the ones he loves.
Essence: The essence of this act is simple. We also Reese put to bed the demons he has been wrestling with. Reese has achieved his inner journey and the transformation is complete.
Conflict: Finding and facing off against a formable foe such as Al-Sadar. Getting all the agencies to work together when they aren’t very good at it.
Subtext: Killing Al-Sadar was akin to slaying his own demons. He needed that to move on.
Hope/fear: The hope is Reese continues on with his military career and prospers and that he has left his negative past behind. The fear of failing was huge. Being sent back with his men in disgrace.
Intrigue Moments Act 4: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.
Covert Agenda: More false information is sent out. Al-Sadar takes the bait.
Superior Position: Soldiers from the 81st Airborne are deployed. The audience doesn’t
now they are already in place. Neither does Al-Sadar. Reese and his men act as bait. The battle ensues and Reese kills Al-Sadar and his crew. His command wanted him alive but they will let it go.
Act of Defiance: Reese and his unit take the widow and the family to her husbands grave.
Intrigue: Seeing the pain of leaving her country forever the widow ask Reese to come see
her again. She also tells him to forgive himself and call his parents. En-Shalla let it go. She knows what happened.
Wound: The wound Reese has been carrying around all these years is now settled. He calls his parents and they are happy to hear from him. They have forgiven him a long time ago. .
Thanks,
Lloyd Shellenberger
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by Lloyd Shellenberger.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by
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Lloyd Shellenberger Module 1 – Lesson 8: Inviting Obsession Through Mystery
Vision Working Hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.
What I learned doing this assignment is the pacing and length of time for the reveals helps draw out the mystery and draw your viewers in even more.
ASSIGNMENT 1: Breaking Bad
A. COVER UP: When Walter and Jesse kill the drug dealers, they are approached by drug lords who are willing to bankroll him. Their new-found wealth must remain hidden.B. SECRET: Walter and Jesse must hide their new secret identities as drug lords for their family and friends.
C. REVEALS: Walter reveals the side of him we never knew existed. He is well suited to handle the people he is in business with.
WHEN: 3<sup>rd</sup> Episode
WHERE: The offices where he meets another drug lord who wants to steal his product and kill him
HOW: By detonating an explosive he hid with the meth.
1. Shocking Event Mystery
A. Shocking Event: When Walter blows up the drug lords offices.
B. Secret: Walter smuggled in the explosives as a last ditch fail safe.
C. Investigation: His own brother-in-law, an FBI Agent, investigates the killing but he doesn’t associate Walter with it.WHO: Walter White
WHAT: Murdered drug Lords
WHEN: After they called him to make a deal then tried to kill him
WHY: The meth Walter cooks is the purest they have ever seen they want it.
WHERE: In Walter’s hometown in a warehouse.
HOW: By setting off an explosive made to look like crystal meth.
Part Withheld: The investigation and theories lead to a new Drug Lord but nobody knows who it is.
2. Over Time Mystery:
A. Cover up: Walter and Jesse never reveal they are the new kingpins.
B. Secret: Both Walter and Jesse hide their activities from everyone, but the lies eventually unravel.
C. Reveals: We see as time goes on that Walter and Jesse are not well matched, as the series goes on Jesse comes to despise him and regret his involvement.· WHO: Walter and his wife
· WHEN: During a phone call.
· WHERE: In the dining room of his house
Part Withheld:
· WHAT: That he was manufacturing drugs not buying pot
· WHY: To make it appear as though he was not involved with anything as bad as meth production.
· HOW: Buy cooking in an R.V. and always moving his operation around. By appearing to fumigate houses, Walter brings his mobile meth labs to the house for several days and makes product.
ASSIGNMENT 2: Benjamin Greene
A. Shocking Event: Col. Greene is
setup by his Commanding General Mosely to die in Afghanistan. <div>B. Secret: General Mosely is the
secret drug Lord Col. Greene is ordered to find and stop him. Col. Greene
doesn’t know it is him.C. Investigation: Upon finding questionable
resource allocation and odd working hours at a warehouse at Ft. Bragg, Col.
Greene plants a mole that gives him intel.Who: General Mosely, Commander
Logistics SOC. Ft. Bragg, NC, Col. Greene Commander Special Operations
unitWhat: Military resources are used
to smuggle Heroin and opium from Afghanistan to the United States. Third
Act of pilot, Part 1When: The pilot after Col. Greene
survives ambush, he returns to Ft. Bragg and realizes the betrayal is from
within and in the third act discovers who it was.Where: Fort Bragg, NC Logistics warehouse
located on the main post controlled by the Commanding General.Why: The network has become
highly profitable and lucrative. The drug distribution must be ended by
the Puzzle works and Col. Greene before anyone catches wind of it, it must
also look like an accident.How: Col. Greene and his men use
a warehouse fire to kill the drug smuggling crew and their General as well
as destroying the evidence. Col. Greene and his crew pocket the black bag
money.Part Withheld: Part 2 shows Col.
Greene and his men taking the money and drugs for future use. They are
planning to use these resources elsewhere to draw out the civilian kingpins
as well. This is despite the fact they have no authority there.2. The Over Time Mystery for Benjamin Greene
A. Cover up: The fire at the
warehouse covers up the military’s involvement. Col. Greene and his crew
must now present themselves as drug lords to draw out General Mosely’s
civilian associates.</div>B. Secret: Col. Greene and his
men are enticing drug buyers to buy their stolen product. Col. Greene and
his men appear to have gone into the drug business.C. Reveals: It was a ruse to draw
out the network. When the deal goes down Col. Greene and men kill the crew
and steal their money. They set it up to appear to be a rival drug lord.Who: Col Greene and his crew vs.
The local drug dealers in Fayetteville, NC
What: The fencing of the product
and setting up of the local drug lords is designed to eliminate any
potential witnesses to the military’s involvement.When: This happens in Part 2 of
the season opener. 1<sup>st</sup> and 2<sup>nd</sup> acts,
Where: It takes place on the
streets of Fayetteville, NC and back-alley locations and buildings.Why: The puzzle works was clear,
no one left alive to testify or implicate the military. Col. Greene does find
an odd friend in the local police chief.How: By isolating and planting evidence,
blowing up their meth factories and planting subtle clues Col. Greene and
his men are not suspected by the FBI initially. The police Chief offers
top cover but is he really?Part Withheld: Col Greene and his
men are being surveilled by the police chief who wants some kind of
protection if it all goes bad. -
I have purposely left out her name to protect the family. The name I come up with will be a false name as well. At no time do I use real names now or in the future to protect everyone involved. thanks for your interest you have been so helpful and I appreciate you.
Respectfully
Lloyd
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I would hope so since it is based upon true events Thanks
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Working hard everyday to become the best writer I can be in Hollywood and as a result being successful at it!
What I learned from this fits my thinking and willingness to use formulas and established concepts in a modular mode. Thanks Lenore and everyone for for your input.
I am going with Dramatic Triangle as I believe it provides more conflict and greater obstacles to SFC Reese succeeding.
[WIM] Module 2 — Lesson 1: Great Outlines Make Great Scripts!
Subject Line: Lloyd Shellenberger Title, Concept, and Character Structure!
High Concept: After several failed inquiries to secure a visa for the family of a murdered Iraq interpreter, U.S. Soldiers risk their lives to save widow and her children from certain death.
Title: Letters from Baghdad
Major Story Hook: Sergeant Reese and his men risk their lives and careers to save a mother and her children from terrorists hellbent on murder.
Finally, a South Dakota Congressman steps in at the request of the soldiers from his district to force the State department do the right thing.
Based upon a true story. The names and faces will be changed to protect the family.
Character Structure:Dramatic Triangle
Dramatic Triangle
Reese has two antagonists in my opinion. The first one is obvious and that is the terrorist, but the second one is just as formable. The bureaucracy he must battle is often unmovable and uncaring. It is hidden and absolute in its decisions and assessments.
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I was one of the lead journalist on this story and you are right we thanked the interpreters by handing their names over to a corrupt Iraqi government we installed. I did what I could to help get them out as I was part of the security detail on their last trip out of their homeland. They deserved better. It sounds like you know a little about this subject. I still haven’t decided exactly how to write this. The Letters refers to the request the family made for visas that were denied. Always looking for good ideas as this story needs to be told while protecting the family.
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Hello Steve,
My name is Lloyd Shellenberger. I was just curious is this the same Steve Spiro from WB The Commish? If it is a hearty hello Sir. We may know each other from playing ball on the lot?
Respectfully Yours,
Lloyd
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Lloyd Shellenberger
Former AFN broadcast journalist and print journalist. Former actor. Still active songwriter and musician.
I have written 5 scripts. 2 TV series bibles, written and produced several documentaries and TV pilot.
I shot and produced the news stories on the mass Graves in Iraq. That footage was shown worldwide. I am looking forward to learning and experiencing new things. Best of luck to everyone.
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You are so supportive and nice thank you I appreciate your positive input
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Will do thanks
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Hi Fancine,
Thanks for your advice I appreciate it. I posted a response and a question.
Cheers
Lloyd
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Cassie,
Actually the State Department was a major hinderance either because of indifference or strict adherence to the rule of law at the cost of the spirit of the law. Time was not on the side of the family. The State Department had to be forced to give this family by the Congressman and public outcry. I cannot name the family or Congressman as time has been fortunate to protect them. What do think?
Cheers,
Lloyd Shellenberger
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Sir,
Send your assignments to concepts@screenwritingu.com with the vision statement and what you have learned on top. In the subject box Put WIM your name and Module and lesson number and name. Hope this helps.
Respectfully Yours;
Lloyd Shellenberger
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Thanks hope you find what you are looking for here
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Hello Julia,
Nice to meet you hope you get what you want out of this course.
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Hello Eden,
Thank you for messaging me I hope all is well for you.
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Hello to you and I hope you are having a great day.