[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Living Metaphors

What I learned doing this assignment: How to re-visit many scenes and situations in my script, and challenge the old ways of writing, continually coming up with new perspectives. Attempt to always think “out of the box”.

Brainstorm at least five of each of today’s challenges that you can put in your screenplay.

1. Go through your story outline or script and brainstorm the following: – 5 Should Work, But Doesn't challenges – 5 Living Metaphor challenges
2. With each, tell us the Old Way and the Challenge, and how you think it might play out in your story.
1. Challenge: Ruby is on drugs, strung out, and gets abducted/kidnapped
a. New Way: She is actually enjoying a sunset with friends, then abducted. She might know her abductors.
b. New Way: Perhaps her abductors are in costume/dressed as humans but are aliens
c. New Way: Instead of being abducted by a flying UFO, she is ushered into the side of a mountain. She doesn’t even resist until she realizes what happens.
2. Challenge: Once “clean” , Ruby sets out to “clean up” her town of drugs, including exposing the town mayor who is the drug “lord”. She meets great resistance.
a. New Way: She must expose the druggies indirectly. Can’t be her doing it!
b. New Way: She must make a public scene, to reveal the mayor kingpin. Kind of like: “the Pentagon Papers” being released to the NY Times metaphor.
3. Challenge: Instead of aliens looking weird and the town would not believe her:
a. New Way: Aliens are very “human like”, similar to “The Day the Earth Stood Still”. He was alien but looked and spoke just like an intelligent human
b. New Way: Aliens can shape shift into anything they want to look like
c. New Way: Aliens live here, not on another planet

• This reply was modified 6 months, 3 weeks ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Counterexamples

What I learned from this lesson: I learned to look at a “fixed” or “knee jerk” response more creatively, look at scenes and scenarios from different perspectives.

Brainstorm at least 5 Question challenged and 5 Counterexamples you can put in your screenplay.

Title: Rubytown

Logline: A teenage track star turned drug addict is abducted by friendly ET’s and returns with super powers. She struggles to overcome the dark forces of a small town as she begins shutting down its drug lords.

Example 1:
Ruby’s stepmother, Ida, thinks Ruby needs institutionalized, due to her irradicate behavior.
Counterexample: Ruby simply needs understanding and time due to her father’s death. Ida should not take the easy way out and simply send Ruby off. She must put her prejudices aside, and realize Ruby can be healed without the old school way of institutions.

Example 2:
Ruby is rejected by her friends, especially her boyfriend Troy, when she says she was abducted by aliens and treated.
Counterexample: Troy needs to “think out of the box”, and listen to Ruby. If Ruby is healed, doing better, he should feel her joy…. he needs less judgement, like “I’m so happy you are well!” (no matter how you got here… I believe you!)

Example 3:
Ruby goes public with the mayor’s (Eddie Pasconi) involvement with drugs…. he’s local “kingpin”. He and his cronies go after her and her family.

Counterexample… she needs to change her approach. Instead of rushing publicly with the mayor’s role in the drug scene, Ruby could be more creative and set up a scenario in which the mayor stumbles on his own, and he can’t go after Ruby.

Example 4: The town folk thinks Ruby is corrupt and “crazy”, and not cured from her drug addiction.
They must realize people can change, they need to observe her actions now, not from her actions from the past.

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s 12 Angry Men Analysis

What I learned doing this assignment: Always re-visit scenes and old ways of thinking, to come up with different perspectives. This approach can also lead to a more open, creative approach to any scene, and the entire plot.

(lesson)
Watch the movie 12 ANGRY MEN. As you do, fill in the Old Ways you see; using the chart, make a list of Old Ways for the movie — habits, assumptions, filters of perception, beliefs, social values, rules, etc. – and the Challenges presented to those Old Ways.

Old Ways: First of all, as a general comment, this movie depicts a typical scenario from that era in the movies – all white males! Not only were there no women in the movie, but all the men were white, middle or working class, and for the most part “old school” thinkers. This sets the stage for prejudice, stubborness in thinking, and impatience . . . among the many “fixations” of that situation.

Except for Henry Fonda’s character, the 11 other jurors were content, in the beginning, to simply assume the kid was guilty, assume the attorneys were all truthful, the information feed in the court was all factual, and, not to mention, most of these guys were anxious to get home, not taking the kid’s life seriously. (if found guilty, he would be executed.)

Here’s few details:
1) Most of the jurors assumed the kid was guilty without questioning.

Challenge: Henry Fonda challenged all 11 to a discussion before they sentenced him to death.

2) One witness stated she saw the murder through a train car. Most jurors did not challenge that statement.

Challenge: one juror re-visited that testimony and discovered that the lady witness needed glasses, and probably did not have them on and did not actually identify the murderer correctly.

3) One juror stated , “you’ll not change my mind in a hundred years”.

Challenge: By looking at the actual evidence, and putting prejudices aside, minds can be changed. Look at situations from different angles and different perspectives.

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Profound Ending

What I learned from doing this assignment: I learned how to set up a profound ending, partly by “reverse engineering” that ending and creating better “set ups”. Also, I learned how important and powerful the final images of a movie are.

Assignment: Design your ending to have a profound impact.

1. What is your Profound Truth and how will it be delivered powerfully in your ending?
Title: “Rubytown”

1. Profound Truth:
#1 The power of one person to change/heal a city.
#2 (or) The power of one person.
#3 (or) Aliens are among us, and they can help humanity

2. How do your lead characters (Change Agent and Transformable Characters) come to an end in a way that represents the completed change?

Transformable Character is Ruby, the teenager who gets hooked on drugs, then gets healed/helped/saved by and advanced group of aliens. After resistance and sabotaging from the locals, especially the Mayor Drug Kingpin, she is able to
1) clean up the town, and
2) prove to her friends and family that she was healed by this advanced group of beings and she wasn’t lying.
Change Agent is Jupad, an alien who looks and dresses like a human. His mission is to help Ruby, but he starts out in an arrogant and platonic fashion which pushes Ruby away. Eventually he understands human emotions better, and develops compassion and empathy towards humanity while pulling Ruby into his sphere of influence.

3. What are the setup/payoffs that complete in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?
Set Up/Payoff: Ruby and her family are adamant that ETs do not exist. She then proceeds to get hooked on drugs after her father’s accidental death, only to get abducted and healed by aliens. She assists in healing her small town.
Also: The mayor of the small town appears to be a supporter of her and her family, only to be discovered to be the drug “kingpin”. Ruby gets clean and takes him down.

4. How are you designing it to have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens?
Because Ruby is addicted to drugs, we don’t know if she’ll make it out. Then she goes missing which adds to the mystery, but because she is a good person, we know somehow things will work out. The surprise is that aliens have helped her heal physically and emotionally.

5. What is the Parting Image/Line that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds?
The ending has 2 critical reveals:

1. A court room scene in which Mayor Eddie Pasconi is being sentenced for his part in selling/pushing drugs to teens in his town, causing at least one fatality.

2. Final: The ETs that healed Ruby, and coached her through some tough times against the drug lords, are seen flying away. To that point no one, not her friends or family members, believed Ruby when she told them that aliens had saved her from disaster.

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Connection with Audience
What I learned doing this assignment: How to “pull” the audience in to the main characters quickly. This lesson really helped me define my characters better and with more depth.

Lesson:

Tell us which characters you are going to INTENTIONALLY create a connection with the audience.

Show the following for each: Relatability B. Intrigue C. Empathy D. Likability

Ruby – Main character, Protagonist:
Relatability – teenage girl, typical issues, friendly, good friends;
Intrigue – excellent athlete who somehow manages to compete at the highest level;
Empathy – depressed when father dies, loves and supports her younger, handicapped brother;
Likability – gives teammates lots of credit, humble, everyone likes her in the beginning.

Jack – Ruby’s brother: .
Empathy and Relatabilty – He’s handicapped, requires wheelchair;
Likability – loves Ruby, supports her journey, would sacrifice anything for her.

Benjamin (Benny, the Mayor) – Antagonist.
Relatability – everyone knows a governmental figure who has a dark side, or even a criminal;
Intrigue – how does he manage to cover-up/hide the fact he is the local drug lord?
Likability – not him! We learn to dislike his antics and how he is able to “feed” the teens drugs to make himself money.

• This reply was modified 7 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment:

This assignment helped me incorporate the gradients into the main character. I also was able to include those in the 4-act outline. I can see the excellent value of looking at all three gradients when developing the main characters.

“RUBYTOWN” (Sci-fi Drama/Feature)

1) Transformational Logline: (transformational character) A teenage track star, turned “drug addict”, goes missing for weeks. She returns cured, along with possessing super-powers, but must overcome strong resistance from from her small town as she begins “cleaning up” and shutting down the powerful drug lords.

2) Tell us who the main character will be: Ruby, a teenage track star and excellent student. She turns to drugs upon the accidental death of her father.

3) List out your 4-Act structure:

Act 1:
• Opening: Ruby is enjoying being a teenager, along with the popularity of being attractive, good student, and high school track star

• Inciting Incident: After winning a comeback victory in a relay, which she breaks a record at, she discovers her father was killed in an auto accident. Goes into depression, becomes a “victim”

• Turning Point: She tries, and likes, heroine. It soothes her pain, hides her trauma, etc. Goes into denial of her father’s death. Quickly addicted.

• Handicapped brother (wheelchair) loves and tries to help.

Act 2:
• New plan: Her mother puts her in rehab, but Ruby escapes. She is angry at life. Unable to compete in sports.

• Plan in action: she becomes a drug dealer to support her habit and helps her widowed mother with finances. Mother depressed as well due to loss and Ruby’s addiction

• Midpoint Turning Point: Ruby goes missing for nearly a month.

• Handicapped brother searches the town with his friends with no success

Act 3:
• Rethink everything; She mysteriously returns “clean” from drugs, re-joins the track team, and possesses super-powers. She starts having flashbacks of an alien abduction in the desert near her small town.

• New plan: She lives a clean life, plans to help the community. The situation now looks good.

• Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: She discovers the mayor is the drug “kingpin” of the small town, and he does everything to stop her attempt to clean up the town. His minions even beat up her brother, and start foreclosure on her mom’s house in an attempt to stop Ruby from her “clean up” mission. The entire community rejects her powers….thinks she’s a quack. Ruby gets depressed, near hopelessness, considers drugs again.

Act 4:
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Ruby goes to the newspaper, to the TV stations, and uses ingenuity to indirectly expose the mayor, taking down the drug cartel in town. The town folk do not believe her powers. Flashback: She was abducted by ETs (give some hints along the way)

• Resolution: She exposes the mayor via surveillance set up by her handicapped brother. She lets everyone know she’s been healed by extraterrestrials. The town folk begin to believe her and celebrate. The citizens of this town, Middletown, is renamed: “Rubytown”.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s three Gradients

What I learned from doing this assignment: I learned a much deeper and complex emotional journey for my transformational character. Very helpful in making this character unique, as well as drawing in the audience….seducing them into the character’s journey.

1. What is the Emotional Gradient
   you’ll use?

Forced Change Gradient

Title: “Rubytown” Sci-fi/drama Feature

Logline: A teenage track star turned “drug user” is abducted by friendly ET’s and returns with super powers. She must overcome strong resistance from everyone as she begins shutting down the drug lords in her small, “clickish” town.

2. For each emotion of that
   gradient, tell us the following: A. Emotion: B. Action: C. Challenge / Weakness: A. Emotion:
   B. Action: C. Challenge / Weakness: A. Emotion: B. Action: C. Challenge /
   Weakness: Etc..

Action challenge/weakness

DENIAL denies her addiction

c: deal with cause of the drug use

w: drugs are easier than dealing with dad’s death

ANGER hates people trying to help her

c: keeping her friends/not pushing them away

w: drugs keep her trapped

BARGAINING tries to “monitor” drug Use/remain connected to friends/family

c: they want her off drugs/see her attitude/life disintegrating

w: can’t bargain well with a diluted mind from drugs

DEPRESSION drugs bring her down, but she doesn’t realize it

c: how to get out of it when she doesn’t know how/won’t listen to friends

w: can’t deal with the reality of her life

ACCEPTANCE she must accept her loss

c: can she accept help from the outside, are “Ets real?

w: facing all the realities of her life, and moving forward

• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

What I learned doing this assignment is: This assignment really helped me define the characters and the roles they need to play. It helped me lay down a better “framework” for the plots and sub-plots.

Title: Rubytown

Genre: Feature/Sci-fi Drama

1.Tell us your transformational journey logline.

A troubled teenage track star is abducted by friendly ET’s, only to return with super powers. She must overcome strong resistance from everyone as she begins shutting down the drug lords in her small, “clickish” town.

2. Tell us who you think might be your Change Agent and give a few sentences about how that character fits the role. Also, include: – Their vision: – Their past experience that fits that vision:

Highly advanced space aliens abduct troubled people of Earth, change their DNA, and give them a better perspective of Earth life through love and wisdom. Their culture has learned many lessons in which Earth citizens have yet to learn.

3. Tell us who you think might be
your Transformable Character(s) and give a few sentences about how that
character or characters fit the role.

Ruby, a star athlete with fatherless, troubled home life and resultant negative attitude. She finds herself succumbing to her peers’ drug use, and gets hooked. She needs guidance, and eventually becomes a leader in her small town.

4. Tell us who or what you think
might be The Oppression and give a few sentences about how The Oppression
works in your story.

Her oppressor is her home life, then it is the drug addiction. One leads to the other. She eventually conquers both, through much resistance and trial and error.

5. Tell us who you think might be
your Betraying Character and give a few sentences about how that character
fits the role.

The local mayor is actually a drug “kingpin” for the small town, and as Ruby attempts to clean up the town, he does everything he can to repress her, slander her, and stop her attempts at every turn

• This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s transformational journey

What I learned doing this assignment: This assignment helped me to better define the old way of the protagonist, take steps in the transformation, then define the new ways.

Title: Rubytown
Genre: Feature/Sci-fi Drama

1. Tell us your logline for the transformational journey:
Logline: A teenage track star turns to drugs and goes missing for weeks, only to return with super powers. Her small town rejects her strange behavior, but she eventually eliminates all of the local drug lords.

2. Tell us what you see as the Old Ways:
Teenage track phenomenon, Ruby Goldsmith, turns to drugs upon discovering her father had been killed in a fiery crash. Her drug habit cost her all of her friends and family, along with a college scholarship. She was a miserable “victim” of life, and pushed away nearly everyone.

3. Tell us what you see as the New Ways:
Ruby was consulted by aliens and taught how to live a clean, prosperous, and compassionate life. Though the town folk initially rejects her “new” persona, she eventually begins to respect others, get outside of herself, and successfully lead a campaign to rid the town of all drugs.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

What Lonnie learned from doing this assignment: I revisited my script, and delved more deeply into the profound truth to its message. I also discovered what I really wanted the audience to receive from it, in addition to the entertainment value.

(My) Name of Feature: Rubytown Genre: Sci-Fi

1. What is your profound truth? Never give up. If you know in your heart you are doing the right thing, then never give up on your desires and intentions. Also, a strong resistance to your journey usually brings greater success and strength.

2. What change will the movie cause with audience?

Twofold: a. The power and will of one person should never be denied, and can change an entire community.

b. As a plausible concept, there are good, positive space aliens who come to Earth to assist in many areas of our lives to help individually and collectively.

3. What is the entertainment vehicle? The broad perspective of the strength and will of a high school teenager in a high school setting.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s assessment of “Groundhog Day”

;What I learned doing this assignment:
The importance of the transformational journey of the protagonist, and that it happens in stages, not just an “arc” that happens at the end of the movie.

The change: From a selfish narcissist who is dismissive and disdainful to a caring human being who appreciates his fellow humans, as well as each day in his life

Change agent: Everyone around him, Phil, who feeds back to him his awful behavior (s).
After he wakes up every day, no happier than the day before, and in love with Rita, he realizes the nee d to change.

The oppression: waking up every day and he’s no happier and it’s the same ole same ole.
What causes us to connect? He’s selfish, but funny and sometimes self-depricating, we want him to change so he can fall in love.

Gradient : After Rita calls him out, and he experiences the same day, everyday, waking up mserable, he tries to kill himself. But, he eventually learns that being a good, compassionate person actually makes him happier…that attracts Rita to him.

How are the old ways challenged? The old ways are challenged because 1) they aren’t working for him and (2) no matter what he thinks makes him happy (with no repurcussions), he wakes up miserable every morning.

Most profound moments : When they wake up together and it’s the next day, and he realizes she loves him for what he is now, and him being himself…..along with the fact he didn’t have to have sex with her to love her.

How does ending payoff the setups: Set up: he’s mean, egotistical, sarcastic…. then learns that’s not a path to happiness, then by being understanding and simply accepting himself, he attracts everyone to him in a loving fashion.

Profound Truth: Like attracts like; being understanding, loving, and a good person, attracts that same energy and “vibe” to yourself.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Solved Scene Problems

What I learned from this assignment: Since this script (13 Down… A time to reveal/A time to heal) is historical fiction, I have many scenes in which are placeholders, but need further research into such books as Michener’s, etc. Actual dialogue will replace some of the placeholders. Scenes which need to be reviewed or embellished with historical facts:

1) Opening shots of JFK, MLK, and RFK speaking: need the rights

2) Scenes on KSU campus with Chuck and Karen…. not exciting. I am interviewing Chuck Ayers in May at KSU, an actual student photographer during the KSU shootings, and will update the dialogue at that point.

3) some scenes with a “suspicious man” are fiction, but they need more action. They are based on a real undercover man, Terry Norman. I will go through them all after further research.

4) I’m missing the courtroom scenes in which the slain students’ parents sued the National Guard and Governor Rhodes of Ohio, as I need to get the rights to a couple of books depicting them in great detail.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s solved character problems.

What I learned from this assignment:

Here are the character issues and “fixes/embelishments” I made:

Chuck and Jeffrey are too much alike.

The fix: Jeff is much more liberal in dress and politics. Chuck has a weight problem, extremely religious and a right-winger.

Karen: I did not describe her enough and she’s a key actor (not main)

Fix: Developed her free spirit, enthusiasm for life, her physical description.

Terry Norman (suspicious photographer/FBI undercover) a bit too vague:

Fix: more descriptions of his physical appearance, his behaviors

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s solved structural problems.

What I learned from this assignment: This forced me to re-evaluate all the structural forms for each Act, setting up the next act…. and finding a resolution even though this is an historical fiction.

Act 1:

Opening/Old Ways: Students at Kent State are angry with Vietnam War, some protest violently, some uninformed. Government very rigid on their approach to any protesting.

Inciting Incident: Nixon announces invasion of Cambodia.

Turning Point: Rioting downtown Kent, Ohio, some windows broken.. A suspicious man on a phone checks his revolver to be sure it’s loaded.

Act 2:

New Plan: A student photographer tries to warn the Mayor and police that the ROTC building my get burned down the next day. No one listens. The mayor calls in the National Guard which creates more friction with the students.

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Midpoint Turning Point: A couple of students light the ROTC building on fire, no police show up, the suspicious man takes pictures of the protestors, mostly peaceful

Act 3:

React/Rethink: Chuck encourages more students to peacefully protest, to help get the Guard off campus.

New Plan: calls his friends.

Turning Point: The National Guard turns and opens fire on students hundreds of feet away. Four die. One is in wheelchair for life. Campus shut down.

Act 4:

Dilemma: Parents file lawsuit against the Ohio governor and the National Guard. Guardsmen are aquitted

Climax/Ultimate @xpression Of The Conflict: Federal government and state prolong hearings and appeals by nine years…..parents of slain students get only $15, 000.

Resolution: Healing, release the past. Chuck has a dream and the four slain students ask for healing and forgiveness, so the trauma for so many can be released. Government admits shootings were wrong.

New Ways: Less aggression on peaceful protestors… less violence from protestors.

Dan Ellsberg released the Pentagon Papers to the NY times one year later, helped to de-escalate the war

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s filling in missing scenes

What I learned from this assignment: To put placeholders in place for further development, and to do “light” editing. Not the final product for sure!

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

SCREAMS FROM STUDENTS

Hundreds run away, seeking shelter inside.

Near Blanket Hill, about 50?? unarmed, angry and terrified STUDENTS organize, ready to charge the Guard.

STUDENT #1

For God’s sake their killing us!

STUDENT #2

Let’s rush those fuckers! They’re killing our friends!

STUDENT #1

I don’t care if I’m shot. T

PROFESSOR GLEN FRANK (55), grey hair, glasses shows up. He’s an emotional wreck. Begs students to back off.

PROFESSOR FRANK

I beg you please! Stop! They will shoot! There will be more bloodshed! I beg you! Give me just a moment. I will talk with them.

Professor Frank rushes back toward the Guard.

STUDENT #2

I’m pissed…so pissed. But, wait, let’s see what that prof can do…cause I don’t care if I die, but they’ll kill us all if we charge.

He puts his hands up toward the students.

STUDENT #2

Let’s wait…no more death.

In the parking lot, EMT’s still attending to several students.

SIRENS roar as the last of the 13 are rushed off campus in ambulances.

On Blanket Hill many of the Guardsmen still have their guns pointed toward the students, while GENERAL CANTERBURY and other commanders stop them from shooting.

GENERAL CANTERBURY

No more shooting, put your rifles down.

Glen Frank rushes to the General.

PROFESSOR FRANK

Please, please! No more shooting. I talked with the kids. They are holding back.

GENERAL CANTERBURY

Good, cause we’re still ready if they charge.

PROFESSOR FRANK

For God’s sake, no more shooting! Please, I beg you.

GENERAL CANTERBURY

You tell those punks to stay right where they are.

PROFESSOR FRANK

I will General, I will. Please hold back your men.

Nearly all the students who had gathered slowly disperse.

Placeholder: President of KSU Robert White shuts down campus.

Placeholder: KSU police discover suspicious man, TERRY NORMAN, and confiscate his hand gun…fired 4 times.

Placeholder: his name: Terry Norman… was on the local Akron news that night confessing he shot 4 shots: “they would have killed me!”

EXT. BUSY STREET – KENT, OHIO – EXT. – DAY

Karen and Chuck stuck in traffic….all Roads packed leaving Kent. All phone lines jammed.

SUPER: (VARIOUS) NEWSPAPER HEADLINES: 4 STUDENTS SHOT AT KENT STATE UNIVERSITY….”4 DEAD IN OHIO”

EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – DAY

A black, four-door Sedan pulls up to a row of 2-story homes and apartments.

TWO MEN in coat and tie get out, fast-walk to front door and KNOCk.

The suspicious man from the previous scenes arrives at door.

MAN IN TIE

It’s time. We need to get you out of here.

SUSPICIOUS MAN

Let me grab my stuff.

Two men on porch wait impatiently.

Suspicious man walks out, and gets rushed to the car, where the MALE DRIVER (40ish), “FBI” on his shirt, has stepped outside the car to have a smoke.

They all jump into the car. It races away.

Placeholder: Students on many, many campuses across the country protest the war in Vietnam.

INT. SUBURBAN HOME – AKRON, OHIO – LATE NIGHT

Chuck and Jeffrey, both exhausted, sit on a sofa, sip coffee.

Chuck’s eyes are red from crying.

JEFFREY

You gonna be okay?

Chuck gets up slowly. Shakes head.

CHUCK

I guess time is my friend.

JEFFREY

Get some rest, man.

CHUCK

That campus will never be the same… I’ll never be the same.

JEFFREY

I’m a mess, and I wasn’t even there. I’m pissed.

They both stare at the wall. Chuck gets up.

CHUCK

See ya in the morning.

He goes to bed. Jeffrey lingers, then lies down on the sofa, face up. He cradles his head in his hands. Eyes wide open.

FLASHBACK:

EXT. CEMETERY – RURAL INDIANA – DAY

SUMMER BREEZE bends the eloquently tall maple trees. Over a hundred people stand over at a grave site where a casket, draped with the American flag, sits silently.

MARY SHELTON (45), red-eyed and weary, stands between her two sons, all with arms interlocked with each other. Jeffrey scruffy dark hair, athletic, and, brother DAVID (18) dishwater blond, shorter, scruffy beard, hangs on their mother.

Summer heat is sweltering.

LAST FEW GUNSHOTS FROM A 21-GUN SALUTE ECHO through the rural valley.

The American flag, neatly covering the casket, is diligently folded by members of all the armed services into a triangle then handed to Mary.

GUN SHOTS END. TAPS BEGIN.

The casket starts its slow descent into the dark crevice below. All present walk silently to their cars. Brief flashes of lightning, and DISTANT THUNDER now echo through the area.

LATER…

INT. BATHROOM – SHELTON’S MIDDLE CLASS HOME – DAY

Bathroom is steamed up. Young man’s SOBS come from behind shower curtain.

Jeffrey is hunched over in shower sobbing. Face in hands. Mumbles…

JEFFREY

What kind of God would give you a dad, then take him away? You piece of shit!

The bathroom mirror drips with sweat.

JEFFREY

(screams)

What the hell is death? Why is there death for God-fucking sakes?

END FLASHBACK

Jeffrey, remains wide-eyed as he rolls over, processing his past.

SUPER: July 1970

Placeholder: Parents of murdered students file lawsuit against the National Guard and Governor Rhodes of Ohio.

SUPER: June 1971:

Placeholder: Dan Ellsberg delivered the “Pentagon Papers” to the New York Times. This was the beginning of the end of the war.

INTERVIEW OF ELLSBERG.. ‘WOULDN’T YOU RISK YOUR LIFE TO END AN ILLEGAL WAR?”

SUPER: MAY 5TH 1975

INT. COURTROOM – CLEVELAND, OHIO – DAY

Plaintiffs, the parents vs defendants, NATIONAL GUARDS MEN WHO FIRED SHOTS, and Governor James Rhodes. They all confront each other in court, headed by Judge Young.

Judge did not allow pictures showing distance from the Guard to the fallen victims.

One guard admitted shooting one student. Stated “thought his life was in danger”.

SUPER: JANUARY 1979

Placeholder: Parents of four slain students received $15,000. Dean Kahler…..(show Amounts for all 13 students/parents)

INT. JEFF’S COLLEGE RENTAL – MUNCIE, IN – 1970 – NIGHT

Jeff is in his party house, BSU campus, 1970. A few students walking around with beer in hand. Jeff hears someone on the drums and it’s Jeff Miller (one of the killed students) playing his drums.

As he walks toward the drums, Allison Krause steps in the dining room. Jeff stops and stares.

JEFFREY

Are you…..

ALLISON

Yes, Jeff, I’m Allison.

Jeff looks at her, then Jeff Miller, then Bill Shroeder steps up from the back. Jeff turns and stares.

Sandy Scheuer walks up.

SANDY

Hi Jeff.

She kisses him on the cheek, as Jeff Miller gets up from the drums and walks over to the four of them. The slain students surround Jeff as he turns and looks at them in dismay.

EXT. HEAVILY WOODED AREA – DAY

Suddenly the five of them are standing in an opening, surrounded by lush flowers and trees.

JEFFREY

What’s going on? Where are we?

SANDY

We picked a place that would be peaceful for us talk with you.

Jeff, still dismayed, looks around as the four students smile at each other. Their figures are scintillating, very “ethereal”.

SANDY

Thanks for telling our story, Jeffrey. It was our wish.

The four nod, smiling.

SANDY

You have revealed a lot of valuable information.

BILL

You are very brave, Jeffrey.

They nod. The four form a circle around Jeff, then hold hands.

SANDY

But now it’s time to let go..and complete the healing for so many.

ALLISON

It was a challenging time, we know that. But it’s over now, my friend.

JEFF MILLER

We’re good here, we’ve been good all along. We don’t want anymore suffering…it’s all in the past.

Jeffrey begins to smile as he turns and looks at all of them.

Allison, Bill, Sandy, and Jeff Miller all begin to walk away in four different directions in the forest. They evaporate into the woods.

Jeff sits on a fallen log. A beautiful mountain bluebird lands at his feet, he then hears footsteps behind him.

It’s his FATHER, now appearing as a 25-year old.

JEFFREY

Dad? Dad…is that you?

Jeffrey jumps up and hugs his dad. They embrace briefly.

JEFFREY

I have so many things to tell you, Dad……I–

JEFFREY’S DAD

I know, Jeff, I know. Let’s sit down over here for a moment.

Jeff’s dad faces him.

JEFFREY

How are you? How have you been? Did–

JEFFREY’S DAD

I don’t have much time, Son.

JEFFREY

Can I stay here. We need to catch up.

JEFFREY’S DAD

Son, I must leave in a few moments. You must return. You have work to do… you can do things I could never do.

JEFFREY

But, I want to stay with you. I love you.

JEFFREY’S DAD

I love you and always have, Jeff. I know I wasn’t always there for you when you were younger, but I’m here for you now–always.

Jeffrey’s dad gets up and starts to walk away.

JEFFREY’S DAD

Just call on me anytime.

Jeffrey’s dad disappears in the woods.

JEFFREY

Dad! Dad! Where are you–

INT. BEDROOM – SUBURBAN HOME – MUNCIE, INDIANA – NIGHT

Jeffrey’s WIFE (70), long, gorgeous grey hair, places her hand on the sleeping Jeff’s forehead. Gently wakes him.

JEFFREY’S WIFE

Jeff, love, you’re dreaming…I’m here.

Jeffrey, now 75, grey hair, small goatee, wakes up. Startled, looks around the room. Looks at his wife.

Grabs her and pulls her on him.

JEFFREY

I love you so much. You won’t believe what just happened.

JEFFREY’S WIFE

You were dreaming, Sweetie.

JEFFREY

No, it wasn’t a dream, it was real..it was very real.

She nods lovingly.

JEFFREY

I have some work to do…good work.

JEFFREY’S WIFE

I’ll put on some coffee. I want to hear all about it.

End

Interviews with survivors.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Act 4 Resolution

What I learned from this assignment: This is an historical fiction, so the resolution is not necessarily a good one, and is already mostly determined. I added a light touch to a tragic story, by putting a dream into one of the protagonist’s life which hopefully brings a sense of healing to those traumatized by the KSU shootings. Still have many placeholders, requiring some research.

(End of Act 4)

INT. SUBURBAN HOME – AKRON, OHIO – LATE NIGHT

Chuck and Jeffrey, both exhausted, sit on a sofa, sip coffee.

Chuck’s eyes are red from crying.

JEFFREY

You gonna be okay?

Chuck gets up slowly. Shakes head.

CHUCK

I guess time is my friend.

JEFFREY

Get some rest, man. This is tough stuff.

CHUCK

That campus will never be the same… I’ll never be the same.

JEFFREY

I’m a mess, and I wasn’t even there.

CHUCK

See ya in the morning.

Chuck goes to bed. Jeffrey lies down on the sofa, face up, cradles head in hands. Eyes wide open.

FLASHBACK:

EXT. CEMETERY – RURAL MIDDLETOWN, INDIANA – DAY

SUMMER BREEZE bends the eloquently tall maple trees. Over a hundred people stand over at a grave site where a casket, draped with the American flag, sits silently.

MARY SHELTON (45), red-eyed and weary, stands between her two sons, all with arms interlocked with each other. Jeffrey scruffy dark hair, athletic, and, brother DAVID (18) dishwater blond, shorter, scruffy beard, hangs on their mother.

Summer heat is sweltering.

LAST FEW GUNSHOTS FROM A 21-GUN SALUTE ECHO through the rural valley.

The American flag, neatly covering the casket, is diligently folded by members of all the armed services into a triangle then handed to Mary.

GUN SHOTS END. TAPS BEGIN.

The casket starts its slow descent into the dark crevice below. All present walk silently to their cars. Brief flashes of lightning, and DISTANT THUNDER now echo through the area.

LATER…

INT. BATHROOM – SHELTON’S MIDDLE CLASS HOME – DAY

Bathroom is steamed up. Young man’s SOBS come from behind shower curtain.

Jeffrey is hunched over in shower sobbing. Face in hands. Mumbles…

JEFFREY

What kind of God would give you a dad, then take him away? You piece of shit!

The bathroom mirror drips with sweat.

JEFFREY

(screams)

What the hell is death? Why is there death for God-fucking sakes?

END FLASHBACK

Jeffrey, remains wide-eyed as he rolls over, processing his past.

SUPER: July 1970

placeholder: Parents of murdered students file lawsuit against the National Guard and the Governor of Ohio, Rhodes.

SUPER: June 1971:

Placeholder: Dan Ellsberg delivered the “Pentagon Papers” to the New York Times. This was the beginning of the end of the war.

INTERVIEW OF ELLSBERG.. ‘WOULDN’T YOU RISK YOUR LIFE TO END AN ILLEGAL WAR?”

SUPER: MAY 5TH 1975

INT. COURTROOM – CLEVELAND, OHIO – DAY

Plaintiffs, the parents vs defendants, NATIONAL GUARDS MEN WHO FIRED SHOTS, and Governor James Rhodes. They all confront each other in court, headed by Judge Young.

Judge did not allow pictures showing distance from the Guard to the fallen victims.

One guard admitted shooting one student. Stated “thought his life was in danger”.

SUPER: AUGUST? 1979

placeholder: Parents of slain students receive $15,000 in settlement.

INT. JEFF’S COLLEGE RENTAL – MUNCIE, IN – 1970 – NIGHT

Jeff is in his party house, BSU campus, 1970. A few students walking around with beer in hand. Jeff hears someone on the drums and it’s Jeff Miller (one of the killed students) playing his drums.

As he walks toward the drums, Allison Krause steps in the dining room. Jeff stops and stares.

JEFFREY

Are you…..

ALLISON

Yes, Jeff, I’m Allison.

Jeff looks at her, then Jeff Miller, then Bill Shroeder steps up from the back. Jeff turns and stares.

Sandy Scheuer walks up.

SANDY

Hi Jeff.

She kisses him on the cheek, as Jeff Miller gets up from the drums and walks over to the four of them. The slain students surround Jeff as he turns and looks at them in dismay.

EXT. HEAVILY WOODED AREA – DAY

Suddenly the five of them are standing in an opening, surrounded by lush flowers and trees.

JEFFREY

What’s going on? Where are we?

SANDY

We picked a place that would be peaceful for us talk with you.

Jeff, still dismayed, looks around as the four students smile at each other. Their figures are scintillating, very “ethereal”.

SANDY

Thanks for telling our story.

The four nod, smiling.

SANDY

You have revealed a lot.

BILL

You are very brave.

They nod.

SANDY

But now it’s time to let go..and complete the healing.

ALLISON

It was a challenging time, we know that. But, it’s over now, my friend.

JEFF MILLER

We’re good here, we’ve been good all along. We don’t want anymore suffering…it’s all in the past.

Jeffrey begins to smile as he turns and looks at all of them.

Allison, Bill, Sandy, and Jeff Miller all begin to walk away in four different directions… they evaporate into the woods.

Jeff sits on a fallen log. A beautiful mountain bluebird lands at his feet, he then hears footsteps behind him.

It’s his father, now appears as a 25-year old man.

JEFFREY

Dad…Dad…is that you?

Jeffrey jumps up and hugs his dad. They embrace briefly.

JEFFREY

I have so many things to tell you… I have some great kids…you will love them…I…

JEFFREY’S DAD

I know Jeff, I know. Let’s sit down over here for a moment.

Jeff’s dad faces him.

JEFFREY

How are you? How have you been? Did–

JEFFREY’S DAD

I don’t have much time.

JEFFREY

Can I stay here. We need to catch up.

JEFFREY’S DAD

Son, I must leave in a few moments. You must return. You have work to do… you can do things I could never do.

JEFFREY

But, I want to stay with you. I love you.

JEFFREY’S DAD

I love you and always have, Jeff. I know I wasn’t always there for you when you were younger, but I’m here for you now.

Jeffrey’s dad gets up and starts to walk away.

JEFFREY’S DAD

Just call on me anytime.

Jeffrey’s dad disappears in the woods.

JEFFREY

Dad! Dad! Where are you–

INT. BEDROOM – SUBURBAN HOME – MUNCIE, INDIANA – NIGHT

Jeffrey’s WIFE (70), long, gorgeous grey hair, places her hand on the sleeping Jeff’s forehead. Gently wakes him.

JEFFREY’S WIFE

Jeff, love, you’re dreaming…I’m here.

Jeffrey, now 75, grey hair, small goatee, wakes up. Startled, looks around the room. Looks at his wife.

Grabs her and pulls her on him.

JEFFREY

I love you so much. You won’t believe what just happened.

JEFFREY’S WIFE

You were dreaming, Sweetie.

JEFFREY

No, it wasn’t a dream, it was real.

She nods lovingly.

JEFFREY

I have some work to do…good work.

JEFFREY’S WIFE

I’ll put on some coffee. I want to hear all about it.

End

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Act 4 Climax

What I learned from this lesson: I am seeking the rights to some books, detailing the courtroom scenes where the parents of some of the killed students filed a lawsuit against the National Guard and the Governor of OHIO. This is the real climax of the scene, resolution to follow. But here’s some placeholders.

NEWS HITS THE TV (SUPER: HEADLINES)

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Chuck and Karen stuck in traffic leaving campus.

All phone lines tied up.

EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – DAY

A black, four-door Sedan pulls up to a row of 2-story homes and apartments.

TWO MEN in coat and tie get out, walk to front door and KNOCk.

The suspicious man from the previous scenes arrives at door.

MAN IN TIE

It’s time. We need to get you of here.

SUSPICIOUS MAN

Let me grab my suitcase.

Two men on porch wait impatiently.

Suspicious man walks out, and gets rushed to the car, where the MALE DRIVER (40ish), “FBI” on his shirt, has stepped outside the car to have a smoke.

They all jump in car. It races away.

Placeholder: Students on many, many campuses across the country protest the war in “Nam.

Parents of murdered students file lawsuit against the National Guard and the Governor of Ohio, Rhodes.

SUPER: MAY 5TH 1975

INT. COURTROOM – CLEVELAND, OHIO – DAY

Plaintiffs, the parents vs defendants, NATIONAL GUARDS MEN WHO FIRED SHOTS, and Governor James Rhodes. They all confront each other in court, headed by Judge Young.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s ACT 4 First Scenes

What I learned from this assignment: The importance of the response by the protagonist. In this historical fiction, there are many protagonists, one being Professor Frank who begs the students NOT to charge the guard…no more bloodshed. Later in the ACT, the parents of the shot students become the protagonists, and file suit against the guard and the State of Ohio.

ACT 4

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

SCREAMS FROM STUDENTS

Near Blanket Hill, about 50?? unarmed, angry and terrified STUDENTS organize, ready to charge the Guard.

STUDENT #1

For God’s sake their killing us!

STUDENT #2

Let’s rush those fuckers! They’re killing our friends!

PROFESSOR GLEN FRANK, grey hair, glasses shows up. He’s an emotional wreck. Begs students to back off.

PROFESSOR FRANK

I beg you please! Stop! They will shoot! There will be more bloodshed! I beg you! Give me just a moment. I will talk with them.

Professor Frank rushes back toward the Guard.

STUDENT #1

I say we charge those mother fuckers.

STUDENT #2

I’m pissed…so pissed. But, wait, let’s see what that prof can do…cause I don’t care if I die, but they’ll kill us all if we charge… kill all our friends.

He puts his hands up toward the students, holding them back

STUDENT #2

Let’s wait…no more death.

Meanwhile, in the parking lot, ET’s still attending to several students.

SIRENS roar as the last of the 13 shot are rushed off campus in ambulances.

On Blanket Hill many of the Guardsmen still have their guns pointed toward the students, while GENERAL CANTERBURY and other commanders stop them from shooting.

GENERAL CANTERBURY

No more shooting, put your rifles down.

Glen Frank rushes to the General.

PROFESSOR FRANK

Please, please! No more shooting. I talked with the kids. They are holding back.

GENERAL CANTERBURY

Good, cause we’re still ready if they charge.

PROFESSOR FRANK

For God’s sake, no more shooting! Please, I beg you.

GENERAL CANTERBURY

You tell those punks to stay right where they are.

PROFESSOR FRANK

I will General, I will. Please hold back your men.

Nearly all the students who had gathered slowly disperse.

KSU police discover suspicious man, TERRY NORMAN, and confiscate his hand gun…fired 4 times.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Completed ACT III

What I learned from this assignment: I have a good start and ending to act III, but need some further research for many of the middle scenes (historical fiction). I put placeholders there. Won’t take much to fill in the blanks.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Hundreds of National Guardsmen move about the campus, while some stand in pairs watching students. All with M1 rifles, bayonets attached.

Chuck and Karen confront two guards cordially.

KAREN

Do you know why you’re here?

GUARDSMAN

Not sure, to suppress any violence, I guess.

Chuck moves in closer.

CHUCK

You don’t seem like the violent type–

GUARDSMAN

Please stand back, Sir.

CHUCK

Why the bayonets?

GUARDSMAN

Orders, Sir.

CHUCK

What kind of rifle is this?

GUARDSMAN

M1, Sir.

Chuck takes a step back, paralyzed by the look of that weapon.

(placeholder):

INSERT: video on specs/power/purpose of the M1

KAREN

Are you married?

GUARDSMAN

Engaged, Mam.

KAREN

Want a family?

GUARDSMAN

Mam, I’m on duty, no response.

He looks to his side, watches students move around.

CHUCK

You seem like a good guy. Please, no shooting.

The guardsman gives a slight nod, turns the other way to observe the other students mulling around.

Chuck and Karen move on.

CHUCK

We need more peaceful protesting, more students here. They might leave.

INSERT:

Wikepedia: M1 Rifle

The M1 Garand or M1 rifle[nb 1] is a semi-automatic rifle that was the service rifle of the U.S. Army during World War II and the Korean War.

The rifle is chambered for the .30-06 Springfield cartridge and is named after its Canadian-American designer, John Garand. It was the first standard-issue autoloading rifle for the United States.[12] By most accounts, the M1 rifle performed well. General George S. Patton called it “the greatest battle implement ever devised”.[13][14] The M1 replaced the bolt-action M1903 Springfield as the U.S.’ service rifle in 1936,[

Gov Rhodes: “Attributing the violence to students “worse than the ‘brownshirt’ and the Communist element and also the night-riders in the vigilantes…the worst type of people that we harbor in America,” the governor pledged: “We are going to eradicate the problem…. It’s over within Ohio.”

Placeholder: he shows up at the ROTC building, now in ashes: “Brown baggers”

INT. OFFICE – REP. PETE MCCARTHY – SOMEWHERE CALIFORNIA – DAY

DAN ELLSBERG (mid 40-s) –slim, dark hair, the man who has been running copies sits in front of U.S. Congressman, PETE MCCARTHY.

ELLSBERG

Congressman McCarthy, if you take these papers to the Senate, it is not illegal.

MCCARTHY

I’m concerned about you being put in prison for this.

ELLSBERG

Look these over. There are lies and astrocities that you won’t believe.

MCCARTHY

Well, I have indeed been against this war all along. I’ll see what I can do, but understand the majority of Congressmen support this war.

ELLSBERG

Just give it a try, Congressmen, we must stop the endless killing.

Chuck and Karen call all their friends to help demonstrate.

“These guys aren’t mean”

Peaceful protesting on Sunday afternoon… but some students are rude… girls flash breasts, boys call them names.

Chuck – who started the fire, why were’nt the police there?

Did the weird guy know in advance?

What can we do? What should we do?

Placeholders: brief scene with the 4 who eventually died

Somewhere:

Placeholders:

INSERT: 5-6 GUARDS HUDDLING, TALKING AMONGST THEMSELVES ON THE HILL

DEVELOP CHARACTER OF FIRST GUARD TO SHOOT, MAYBE SGT. LAWRENCE SHAFER

SCENE #2: party house

JEFFREY (V.O.)

Not everything was bad for us. We managed to party quite a lot. It was just a diversion we needed.I wasn’t dealing with Dad’s death very well, and the tensions of the times was swelling up. Parties were our escape.

INT. SMALL HOUSE – MUNCIE, IN – NIGHT

White-framed, 2-bedroom, messy house with old, semi-finished basement.

A mixture (boys/girls) of a few college kids all holding a beer bottle, chatter in the small kitchen. Empty beer bottles and cans galore.

LOUD MUSIC OF THE ‘70’S comes from the adjacent door leading to the basement, where about 30 kids are partying.

Jeffrey holds a beer in one hand, other arm around cute blond who’s had a few drinks and kissing him on the neck. Jack walks in–no signs of intoxication–with Stephanie.

JACK

Hey, Jeffrey, did you hear what Nixon said?

JEFFREY

Crap, now what?

JACK

He’s sending troops into Cambodia.

JEFFREY

Cambodia! Shit, what is this asshole thinking?

JACK

No joke.

Jack grabs his dates’ hand and heads to the living room where it’s quieter and TWO OTHER, COLLEGE-AGE–COUPLES are chatting.

Jeffrey follows slowly, in tow with his date. He passes a half-open bedroom door and peeks in. Two couples sit in a circle, covered with towels over their legs, nude from waist up.

MAN IN BEDROOM

Hey Jeff-Man, wanta play some strip poker?

Jeffrey sniffs the air as he checks out the large breasts of one the players.

JEFFREY

You need to get rid of the pot.

MAN IN BEDROOM

Come on, join in with your hot date. We’re just getting started.

JEFFREY

I can tell.

Jeffrey backs out and closes the door.

His date, REBECCA, pulls him toward another bedroom.

REBECCA

Come on sweetie, time for bed. I’ve been waiting all night for you.

Now drunk, she grabs his ass, then his crotch. Kisses his face.

REBECCA

You big hunk.

Jeffrey gently pushes her away.

JEFFREY

I wanta hear what Nixon said. He’s on TV in there.

REBECCA

Now, baby. Now, I want you…

As he pulls away she slides down the wall, then slowly passes out on the floor.

Jeffrey stands outside his bedroom door and watches the black and white TV in the adjacent living room as Nixon announces his entry into Cambodia on the 10 o’clock news.

Jeffrey walks to the front door, heads outside.

EXT. PORCH – SMALL HOUSE – MUNCIE, IN

He stands on his porch. MUSIC DRIFTS OUTSIDE.

He takes a sip of his beer, stares at the gorgeous maple tree in the front yard. Finds a seat on the concrete steps and sits alone in contemplation.

After a few moments, he gets up and angrily throws his empty beer bottle in the yard, then storms back inside.

Placeholder betweeen Chuck and Jeffrey: the black caucus was wise not to participate

OTHER STUDENTS WHO WERE PEACEFUL, BUT THERE TO HELP

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Guardsmen form a line, push students around Taylor Hall. A couple kids through rocks, but they do not reach the Guard.

A few hundred kids watch from parking lot, most on their way to class.

INT. SMALL HOUSE – MUNCIE, IN – DAY

Jeffrey plays his drums….louder, Louder.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Six National Guardsmen huddle together near the pagoda by Blanket Hill. Whisper something.

Behind them a short distance is the suspicious photographer. He is surrounded by 6 KIDS (student age) shouting at him:

STUDENTS

You’re undercover! You ass!

The kids close in.

STUDENTS

You’re done, man. You’re busted. You must be FBI or CIA.

The suspicious man pulls out a revolver and fires four shots over their heads. They scatter.

INT. SMALL HOUSE – MUNCIE, IN

Jeffrey keeps playing, his volume and speed incredible as the drums and cymbals crash louder…louder.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – BLANKET HILL – DAY

Party on Martin st… jeff starts drumming….gets Louder and louder

Placeholder:

TENSION WITH RIOTERS. TERY NORMAN FIRES 4 SHOTS

GUARDS TURN IN UNISON…WAS IT PLANNED?

Jeffrey on drums….cymbals and toms crashing!

Blends in with….SHOOTINGS

KIDS RUN

BLACK SCREEN, 67 GUNSHOTS OVER 13 SECONDS.

MOMENTARY SILENCE.

EXT. PARKING LOT KENT STATE – DAY

A young MALE student and FEMALE student lie on the parking lot, behind a car.

MALE STUDENT

Okay, Allison, I think the shooting is over, let’s get going.

She does not move, she is hit.

ALLISON

I’m hit Gary.

MALE STUDENT

Shit!

He rushes over covers her wound.

MALE STUDENT

(screams)

Someone call an ambulance! Now!

SUPER:

ALLISON KRAUSE, A GEOGRAPHY MAJOR?

SHOT FROM 343 FEET FROM THE GUARD

WALKING TO CLASS

DIED SHORTLY AFTERWORDS.

(INSERT QUOTE FROM A TEACHER)

BLACK SCREEN. MOMENTARY SILENCE.

BILL SCHROEDER KNEW TO GET DOWN WHEN HE HEARD THE SHOTS RING THROUGH THE CAMPUS. HE WAS AN ‘A’ STUDENT, ENJOYED THE ROTC, EXCELLENT ATHLETE.

HE GOT DOWN QUICKLY WHEN THE SHOTS STARTED. HE DID NOT GET UP.

SUPER:

BILL SCHROEDER, ROTC STUDENT, ALL-AMMERICAN.

SHOT FROM 382 FEET FROM THE GUARD

WALKING TO CLASS, OBSERVING

DIED SHORTLY AFTERWORDS.

(INSERT QUOTE FROM A TEACHER)

BLACK SCREEN. MOMENTARY SILENCE.

In another area of the parking lot, JEFF MILLER lies face down. Massive amounts of blood run away from his neck area.

Fouteen-year-old MARY M, Knees over him, screaming.

SUPER: JEFF MILLER, HISTORY MAJOR

SHOT AT 265’ FROM THE NATIONAL GUARD

UNARMED, PEACEFULLY PROTESTING

DIED INSTANTLY

(INSERT QUOTE FROM A TEACHER)

BLACK SCREEN. MOMENTARY SILENCE.

In another area of the parking lot, students SANDY SCHEURER and YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, lie face down. YYYYYYY gets up

YYYYY

Ok, Sandy, I think the shooting has stopped.

Sandy does not move.

YYYYY

Sandy? Sandy?

Sany has a gunshot wound to the neck. She is still breathing.

SUPER: SANDY SCHEUER, SPECIAL ED MAJOR

SHOT AT 390 FEET FROM THE NATIONAL GUARD

NEVER PROTESTED, WALKING TO CLASS. DIED THAT DAY

(QUOTE FROM TEACHER)

INT. AMBULANCE – KSU CAMPUS – DAY

TOM GRACE lies on a stretcher shot in the knee. Above him is a FEMALE being attended to by the medics. It is Sandy Sheurer.

Closing scene:

Tom Grace in ambulance under Sandy pulling out of KSU, who is bleeding!

Her blood drips onto his gurney. He covers his face as he weeps.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s ACT 3 TURNING POINT

What I learned from this assignment: How to make this the lowest point for the protagonist, setting up ACT 4. In this historical fiction, it was a bit easy, as it was the shooting moment at Kent State by the National Guard.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Guardsmen form a line, push students around Taylor Hall. A couple kids through rocks, but they do not reach the Guard.

A few hundred kids watch from parking lot, most on their way to class.

INT. SMALL HOUSE – MUNCIE, IN – DAY

Jeffrey plays his drums….louder, Louder.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Six National Guardsmen huddle together near the pagoda by Blanket Hill. Whisper something.

Behind them a short distance is the suspicious photographer. He is surrounded by 6 KIDS (student age) shouting at him:

STUDENTS

You’re undercover! You ass!

The kids close in.

STUDENTS

You’re done, man. You’re busted. You must be FBI or CIA.

The suspicious man pulls out a revolver and fires four shots over their heads. They scatter.

INT. SMALL HOUSE – MUNCIE, IN

Jeffrey keeps playing,his volume and speed incredible as the drums and cymbals crash louder…louder.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – BLANKET HILL – DAY

Suddenly a doze Guardsmen turn and open fire for 13 seconds, firing 67 shots.

13 students hit. One less than a hundred feet away. Most 200-300 feet away near the parking lot.

Four killed:

placeholder: Allsion Krause, Sandy Sheurer, Jeff Miller, Bill Schroeder (develop bio/history on these four and the nine others)

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s ACT III Middle Scenes

What I learned from this assignment: Though I still have much research to do on this historical fiction, I was able to come up with a general set of scenes, in line with history, that fit the models for key scenes #2 and #3. Getting ready for the big turn around at the end of ACTIII.

ACT III

Key scene #2:

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Hundreds of National Guardsmen move about the campus, while some stand in pairs watching students. All with M1 rifles, bayonets attached. The ROTC building, now in ashes, is heavily guarded by the National Guard.

Chuck and Karen confront two guards cordially.

KAREN

Do you know why you’re here?

GUARDSMAN

Not sure, to suppress any violence, I guess.

Chuck moves in closer.

CHUCK

You don’t seem like the violent type–

GUARDSMAN

Please stand back, Sir.

CHUCK

Why the bayonets?

GUARDSMAN

Orders, Sir.

Chuck takes a step back.

KAREN

Are you married?

GUARDSMAN

Engaged, Mam.

KAREN

Want a family?

GUARDSMAN

Mam, I’m on duty, no response.

He looks to his side, watches students move around.

CHUCK

You seem like a good guy. Please, no shooting.

The guardsman gives a slight nod, turns the other way to observe the other students mulling around.

Chuck and Karen move on.

CHUCK

We need more peaceful protesting, more students here. They might leave.

INT. OFFICE – REP. PETE MCCARTHY – SOMEWHERE CALIFORNIA – DAY

DAN ELLSBERG (mid 40-s) –slim, dark hair, the man who has been running copies sits in front of U.S. Congressman, PETE MCCARTHY.

ELLSBERG

Congressman McCarthy, if you take these papers to the Senate, it is not illegal.

MCCARTHY

I’m concerned about you being put in prison for this.

ELLSBERG

Look these over. There are lies and atrocities that you won’t believe.

MCCARTHY

Well, I have indeed been against this war all along. I’ll see what I can do, but understand the majority of Congressmen support this war.

ELLSBERG

Just give it a try, Congressmen, we must stop the endless killing.

Chuck and Karen call all their friends to help demonstrate.

“These guys aren’t mean”

Key Scene #3

SUPER: MONDAY MAY 4th, 1970

EXT. KSU CAMPUS

Several hundred students gather around the “bell” . At noon many more gather, some in the parking lot, simply going between classes and observing.

The National Guard becomes aggressive when a couple students (or non-students) start throwing rocks… Very few even reach the Guard.

The Guard starts marching together pushing back the students, most are hundreds of feet away.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Act III Reaction to Middle Point

What I learned from this assignment: Being historical fiction, I need more research as to the real events on this day after the burning of the ROTC building. But this is a start. I learned the importance of responding quickly to the MID POINT.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Hundreds of National Guardsmen move about the campus, while some stand in pairs watching students. All with M1 rifles, bayonets attached.

Chuck and Karen confront two guards cordially.

KAREN

Do you know why you’re here?

GUARDSMAN

Not sure, to suppress any violence, I guess.

Chuck moves in closer.

CHUCK

You don’t seem like the violent type–

GUARDSMAN

Please stand back, Sir.

CHUCK

Why the bayonets?

GUARDSMAN

Orders, Sir.

Chuck takes a step back.

KAREN

Are you married?

GUARDSMAN

Engaged, Mam.

KAREN

Want a family?

GUARDSMAN

Mam, I’m on duty, no response.

He looks to his side, watches students move around.

CHUCK

You seem like a good guy. Please, no shooting.

The guardsman gives a slight nod, turns the other way to observe the other students mulling around.

Chuck and Karen move on.

CHUCK

We need more peaceful protesting, more students here. They might leave.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s completed ACT II Draft I

What I learned from this assignment: I still needed to put some placeholders in the script, since I have not yet interviewed all the people that have offered their assistance on the KSU campus. This lesson helped me with getting the main scenes “down” on paper.

(ACT II: 13 Seconds – 13 Down)

SUPER: Saturday May 2nd, 1970

EXT. DOWNTOWN – KENT, OHIO – MORNING

Town is a mess after student protests, some store windows broken. Garbage in streets. Burned down wooden stand.

A number (20-30) of KSU STUDENTS are donating their time to help with the clean-up.

Several POLICEMEN patrol the streets, some help with clean-up.

Chuck and girlfriend, KAREN RAYMOND (19), full figured, dark hair, assist in the clean up.

CHUCK

I saw this weird dude on the phone last night–

KAREN

So? Sweetie Pie, there’s a lot of weird dudes in this town right now.

CHUCK

But this guy was suspicious like no others.

KAREN

Yeah? How’s that?

CHUCK

He had a yellow trench coat on, sunglasses, and was taking pictures of some of the protestors. I started taking pictures of him, then moved closer.

They throw some broken glass into a nearby dumpster.

KAREN

You were eavesdropping? You sneak!

CHUCK

He walked over to an outside pay phone. Must have been talking to a superior of some type. Sounded like government “talk”. Creepy.

KAREN

Like what?

CHUCK

He was telling his contact that “things are really heating up…National Guard isn’t here yet…”

KAREN

(stands back)

That’s funky shit.

CHUCK

Here’s the heavy stuff: after he hung up the phone, he pulled a revolver out of his jacket pocket and checked the chamber. It was loaded.

KAREN

Get out! You need to report this to the police. Did you get a pic of that?

CHUCK

Yeah.

KAREN

Get that to the police, Babe, like right now!

CHUCK

That’s the plan.

An old garbage truck pulls up and Chuck helps load garbage bags full of trash, along with some burnt plywood onto the truck.

Chuck walks over to A POLICEMAN (40ish) patrolling and helping with the clean-up.

CHUCK

Officer, I’d like to report an incident last night, actually two that I overheard that might be of concern.

POLICEMAN

(reluctant)

OK, what do you have?

CHUCK

There was this weird guy in an orange jacket over there at that outside pay phone. He was telling someone…very serious conversation–that “things were heating up”, and, “Guard isn’t here yet”, and then he pulled out a revolver and checked the chambers. It was loaded.

The policeman did not seem at all surprised, but pulled out a small notebook, looked around, then took a few notes.

POLICEMAN

OK, son, we’ll look into it. What’s your name?

CHUCK

That’s it? Want me to go to the station and report this? I’m Chuck–Chuck Baker.

POLICEMAN

No, I got this. Much appreciated.

CHUCK

Oh yeah, I overheard another student say they were burning down the ROTC building tonight. Will you let Chief Thompson know.

POLICEMAN

(smirk)

Oh, yeah, we hear that all the time. Sure, I’ll tell the Chief.

He looks around. Sees a traffic jam.

POLICEMAN

Excuse me–I’ve gotta’

get this car moving up.

Puzzled, Chuck walks back over to Karen, who’s sweeping more glass on the sidewalk.

KARE

What’d he say?

CHUCK

He didn’t seem concerned at all. Something’s up with these policemen…this town.

KAREN

Sweetie, you might need to go to the station and report this stuff yourself. Get those pics developed.

CHUCK

You’re right, I’ll track this guy myself. There’s something strange about this, because the cop acted like he knew this weird guy with the gun. The campus photo lab is closed until Monday, so no pics till next week.

Chuck bends over with a large dust pan and helps Karen with some more broken glass.

Place holder: Chuck goes to Mayor’s office -Mayor Leroy Satrom. He warns about the ROTC bldg burning that night. They are disinterested. Chuck is deflated.

Placeholder: Is there a subversive plan that the authorities are in on? Why would the police and mayor not take heed to the warnings about a suspicious guy with a gun? Or, talk of burning down the ROTC building on KSU campus?

FLASHBACK FROM NARRATOR:

INT. 1956 CHEVROLET SEDAN – NIGHT

JEFFREY (V.O.)

Our generation went through a lot…much more than most today realize. We didn’t have any reference points. It was a bit scary at times. We were on new turf. If you were anti-war was to be anti-patriotic. I had some intense moments to be sure–

THREE YOUNG COLLEGE BOYS (19) and a driver, Jeffrey Shelton, pull into the snow-packed parking lot of a rural bar. Lot half full of Ford pick-up trucks.

Jeffrey a has pony tail, army jacket, and “John Lennon” glasses.

Front seat passenger, ROBBIE, large, muscular college football player turns around to Jack Stidham and DARYL CLEVELAND. Daryl, short, athletic, highly intelligent.

JEFFREY

So what is it? Strohs? Bud?

ROBBIE

Strohs for me!

JACK

I’m in for anything. Heck bring out some chics.

ROBBIE

Yeah, beer and chics, what’s better on a Friday night. I got a game tomorrow. Toleod’s in town, so chics are better than beer.

JEFFREY

I’ll get a couple 8-packs.

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Jeff jumps out of car, heads to the country bar.

INT. BAR

Jeff finds a seat at the bar. No bartender. Looks at MAN, 30-something, baseball hat, depressed, next to him.

JEFFREY

Know if they have carry-out here?

MAN AT BAR

I don’t know, and I don’t give a good God damn!

He stares down the hippie-looking Jeffrey, who ignores his attempt at conflict. Turns to arriving BARTENDER.

Attractive FEMALE BARTENDER (30ish) arrives, very cordial.

BARTENDER

Can I help you?

JEFFREY

Have carry-out?

BARTENDER

Sure do, Sweetie, whata ya need?

FOUR MEN (40ish) in crew cuts at table behind the driver are doing cat calls and whistles at the driver. Driver ignores.

MAN AT TABLE

Didn’t make it to “Nam” did you, you hippie-fag.

Jeffrey ignores the hostile moves.

JEFFREY

Can I have two, 8-packs of Stroh’s?

BARTENDER

You got it.

LAUGHTER from the table behind driver. Everyone in bar stares.

Jeffrey sits, stares straight ahead, taps foot nervously. Anticipates getting jumped from behind by the four men.

Bartender brings two 8-packs of Strohs beer, Jeff pays in cash. Picks up the sack and heads to the door.

SLOW MOTION: One man at the table gets up and kicks Jeffrey hard in the back of the leg. Jeffrey ignores–keeps walking.

JEFFREY (V.O.)

I knew that if I could get to the door I could outrun anyone of these assholes. And I knew if I could get to the car, we’d have an even go at it. I had three buddies, and one could whip all four of these dudes.

EXT. BAR

The four men race out the door, following Jeffrey. Jeffrey runs with his beer to toward the car. Slips a bit on the icy snow.

EXT. BAR PARKING LOT

Lost in laughter, Jeff’s friends in the car don’t notice him running out.

JEFFREY

(yells)

Hey! Open the door, I got company.

One man from bar tackles Jeff. The other three stand over him.

Immediately, Robbie slowly gets out of car. He stands 6’3” very muscular. He rubs his hands together.

ROBBIE

Just what I need for a pre-game warm-up.

He races over and shoves all three to the ground. Jack and Daryl jump out. Immediately, there are four fights going on, mostly four matches rolling the nearby snow drifts of the parking lot.

JEFFREY (V.O.)

All four of us had played football in high school or wrestled…we were still in decent shape. We always had each other’s back…something about loyalty back then. There were no knives or guns to worry about–that was below every man’s integrity when there was a scuffle.

Fists fly. No one seriously hurt.

LOUD GUNSHOT ECHOES THROUGH THE PARKING LOT.

A short, bearded man (60) in farmer jeans and old baseball hat, the BAR OWNER, points the gun at Jeffrey, then walks up and points at Robbie.

BAR OWNER

Now you fuckin’ kids get in that junk heap Chevy of “yurs” and get the hell out of here if you know what’s good for ya.

All eight stand up, dust off the snow. Robbie stares at one man from the bar.

ROBBIE

We live at the end of Martin St, Muncie, why don’t you come over sometime and we’ll finish this the right way. You think you are such a bad ass–

MAN FROM BAR

Fuck you, Punk.

They head toward each other, but bar owner fires another shot in the air.

Jeffrey grabs Robbie.

JEFFREY

Let’s go Robbie. It’s not worth it, that old man just might shoot us.

DARYL

You mean “happy finger”?

JEFFREY

I guess being a physics major with good grades and athlete is a bad thing around here.

Bar owner fires a fourth shot, this time at their feet.

BAR OWNER

I said outta here shits! Next one’s to ur head.

Jeffrey picks up the sack of beer, a few broken bottles, but still intact, and the other three jump in the car, with only a few scrapes. Car slips and slides out of the icy parking lot.

Bar owner lowers his gun. Turns to the four from the bar.

BAR OWNER

Now you four get in there, pay your bill and get home. What are you

doing out here fighting for Christ’s sake? BILLY, You should be home with your family. THOMAS JOHN DAILY, get home. Tell your mom I’ll be there in an hour. Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving for Christ’s sake, she might need some help gettin’

things ready.

Placeholder: Boys talk in car on way home. Jeff plays drums back at his house.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Helicopters buzz the campus. Armed guards are scattered around the campus. Guns with bayonets. Jeeps running around.

Placeholder: Allison Krause with flower in gun

Placeholder: Sandy Sheurer, Jeff Miller, William Shroeder– give some background on their activities this day, 5/2/70

INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – KENT, OHIO – DAY

Kent Mayor – Leroy Satrom — calls Ohio Governor’s office (Rhodes). Requests National Guard to come to KSU.

Placeholder: SDA meeting at the ”bell” around noon

INT. REMOTE OFFICE – SOMEWHERE IN D.C. – NIGHT

In a small office with large copy machine are TWO men (40ish), and a YOUNG BOY (13). They are running copies of a large stack of papers. Placing each original on the machine, one at a time.

The copies are stacked to the side. The three stacks are very tall.

INT. CAFETERIA – KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Karen and Chuck, disheveled, finish dinner, slurp their coke. Chuck pulls up a wrinkled newspaper from an adjacent chair. Scans front page.

CHUCK

I can’t believe this!

KAREN

Now what?

CHUCK

This jerk of a President is calling us bums. Says we’re blowing up campuses.

KAREN

What?

CHUCK

Check this out.

He reads.

CHUCK

Nixon said, “You see these bums, you know, blowing up the campuses.”

Karen is astonished.

CHUCK

He goes on to say, “they’re burning books, hell, get rid of the war there will be another…”

He slowly folds the paper, drops it back on the adjacent chair. They stare at each other.

KAREN

I can’t believe that asshole. Hey, let’s see what’s going on out there. Wonder if anything’s gonna really happen to the ROTC building.

CHUCK

Rumor from the SDS group is that all of the ROTC sites on the campuses around the country are just offices designed to spy on the students.

KAREN

FBI?

CHUCK

Dunno. Probably. Could just be the military.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Helicopters buzz overhead of students.

National Guard are everywhere–armed with M1 rifles with long bayonets.

Students gather in peaceful protest at the “bell”, some near the ROTC building, as sun sets.

ONE FEMALE STUDENT walks up to a young GUARDSMAN.

FEMALE STUDENT

Hey, Cutie.

She flashes her bare breasts at him.

FEMALE STUDENT

What’s your wife doing while you’re here watching us? Huh?

Guardsman ignores her.

Other MALE STUDENTS yell obscenities at the guard.

MALE STUDENT #1

What the fuck are you doing on our campus, jerk?

MALE STUDENT #2

Get out! You’re not wanted here!

Chuck and Karen stroll with a large group headed to the “bell”, but notice another group forming at the ROTC building. All are peaceful except for 5 or 6 who yell obscenities at the guard.

Chuck nods toward the ROTC building, and pulls out his camera. They walk briskly to the ROTC.

EXT. ROTC BUILDING – KSU CAMPUS – NIGHT

A group of about 100(check Michener) gather at the ROTC building.

A handful of Guardsmen stand in the area around the ROTC building. No police on site, neither campus police or Kent police.

Two young men start throwing moltoff cocktails into the building, a fire starts.

The building is vacant. No one tries to put out the fire.

It smolders, then goes out in a few minutes.

CHUCK

Clearly, our warnings to the police and mayor didn’t do shit.

KAREN

Somebody wanted that building burned. Somebody downtown.

CHUCK

Or higher up the food chain.

A few minutes later, a younger boy comes up throws another flame or cocktails into the building this time, it is sustained. Fire starts engulfing building.

Chuck notices the suspicious other photographer and takes pics of him, ash the suspicious guy takes pics of the students–not the fire.

Firemen arrive and start pulling out their hoses, but some of the radicals turn off the water, and even try and cut the fire hoses.

One student “hatchets” one fire hose, cutting it.

The large FIRE CHIEF walks up to one of the PROFESSORS present.

FIRE CHIEF

I’m pulling my men out. They’re at risk here, and with no police, I have to protect them. Where is the police anyway?

PROFESSOR

I don’t know….I just don’t know. We’ve put calls in several times to the station downtown. We’ve put in calls to the campus police as well. Nothing.

The National Guard quarantined off the building as it burns to the ground.

Chuck continues to take pics of burning building, and suspicious man.

INT. OVAL OFFICE – WHITE HOUSE – WASHINGTON D.C. – NIGHT

President Nixon holds the phone with feet propped up.

NIXON

Let me get this straight, Rhodes, you got students who burned down a building there, a government facility?

INT. STATE HOUSE – COLUMBUS, OHIO – NIGHT

OHIO GOVERNOR RHODES sits straight up in his office in Columbus, holds phone close.

RHODES

(uptight)

Yes, Mr. President. I’m hot and at my wits end with these kids.

NIXON

These kids need to know who’s in charge there. Make sure those guards have live ammunition in those M1s.

RHODES

Yes, Sir. You got it.

NIXON

And, Rhodes, you’re the Governor…you know what to do.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s ACT II TP

What I learned from this assignment: The importance of the TP in Act II, the Midpoint of the script. This lesson helped me connect the previous actions of the protagonist with the TP, and the protagonist’s failure, and how the stakes are now even higher. The antagonist is much bigger than previously thought.

INT. CAFETERIA – KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Karen and Chuck, disheveled, finish dinner, slurp their coke. Chuck pulls up a wrinkled newspaper from an adjacent chair. Scans front page.

CHUCK

I can’t believe this!

KAREN

Now what?

CHUCK

This jerk of a President is calling us bums. Says we’re blowing up campuses.

KAREN

What?

CHUCK

Check this out.

He reads.

CHUCK

You see these bums, you know, blowing up the campuses.

Karen is astonished.

CHUCK

He goes on to say, “get rid of the war there will be another…”

He slowly folds the paper, drops it back on the adjacent chair. They stare at each other.

KAREN

I can’t believe that asshole. Hey, let’s see what’s going on out there. Wonder if anything’s gonna really happen to the ROTC building.

CHUCK

Rumor from the SDS group is that all of the ROTC sites on the campuses everywhere are just offices designed to spy on the students.

KAREN

FBI?

CHUCK

Dunno. Probably. Could just be the military.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Helicopters buzz overhead of students.

National Guard are everywhere–armed with bayonets.

Students gather in peaceful protest as sun sets.

ONE FEMALE STUDENT walks up to a young GUARDSMAN

FEMALE STUDENT

Hey, Cutie.

She flashes her bare breasts at him.

FEMALE STUDENT

What’s your wife doing while you’re here watching us? Huh?

Guardsman ignores her.

Other MALE STUDENTS yell obsenities at the guard.

MALE STUDENT

What the fuck are you doing on our campus, jerk?

Chuck and Karen stroll with a large group headed to the “bell”, but notice another group forming at the ROTC building.

Chuck nods toward the ROTC building, and pulls out his camera. They walk briskly to the ROTC.

EXT. ROTC BUILDING – KSU CAMPUS – NIGHT

A handful of Guardsmen stand in the area. No police.

Two young men start throwing moltoff cocktails into the building, a fire starts.

The building is vacant. No one tries to put out the fire.

It smolders and goes out.

A few minutes later, a younger boy comes up throws another flame or cocktails into the building this time, it is sustained. Fire starts engulfing building.

Chuck notices the suspicious other photographer and takes pics of him, ash the suspicious guy takes pics of the students–not the fire.

Firemen arrive and start putting out the , but some of the radicals turn off the water, and even try and cut the fire hoses.

The large FIRE CHIEF walks up to one of the PROFESSORS present.

FIRE CHIEF

I’m pulling my men out. They’re at risk here, and with no police, I have to protect them. Where is the police anyway?

PROFESSOR

I don’t know….I Just don’t know. We’ve put calls in several times to the station downtown. (KSU police? Where were they?)

National Guard quarantined off the building as it burns to the ground.

Chuck continues to take pics of burning building

INT. OVAL OFFICE – WHITE HOUSE – WASHINGTON D.C. – NIGHT

President Nixon holds the phone with feet propped up.

NIXON

Let me get this straight, Rhodes, you got students who burned down a building there, a government facility?

OHIO GOVERNOR RHODES sits in his office in Columbus, holds phone close.

RHODES

Yes, Mr. President. I’m hot and at my wits end with these kids.

NIXON

Well make sure those guards have live ammo. These kids need to know who’s in charge there.

RHODES

Yes, Sir. You got it.

NIXON

Rhodes, you’re the governor…you know what to do.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s ACT II Middle Scenes

What I learned from this assignment: Mostly how to set up the protagonist actions to fail, setting up the T.P. for Act II.

Chuck walks over to A POLICEMAN (40ish) patrolling and helping with the clean-up.

Key scene #2:

CHUCK

Officer, I’d like to report an incident last night, actually two I overheard that might be of concern.

POLICEMAN

(reluctant)

OK, what do you have?

CHUCK

There was this weird guy in an orange jacket over there at that outside pay phone. He was telling someone…very serioius conversation… that “things were heating up”, and, “Guard isn’t here yet”, and then he pulled out a revolver and checked the chambers. It was loaded.

The policeman did not seem at all surprised, but pulled out a small notebook, took a few notes.

POLICEMAN

OK, son, we’ll look into it.

CHUCK

That’s it? Want me to go to the station and report this?

POLICEMAN

No, I got this. Much appreciated.

CHUCK

Oh yeah, I over another student say they were burning down the ROTC building tonight

POLICEMAN

Oh, yeah, we hear that all the time.

He looks around. Sees a traffic jam.

POLICEMAN

You take care. I’ve gotta get this car moving up.

Chuck walks back over to Karen, who’s sweeping more glass on the sidewalk.

KAREN

What’d he say?

CHUCK

He didn’t seem concerned at all. I’m floored.

KAREN

Sweetie, you might need to go to the station and report this stuff.

CHUCK

I think I’ll track this guy myself. There’s something strange about this, because the cop acted like he knew this weird guy with the gun.

Chuck bends over with a large dust pan and helps Karen with some more broken glass.

Key Scene #3:

Chuck goes to Mayor’s office, warns about the ROTC bldg burning that night. They are disinterested. Chuck is deflated. He realizes the authorities won’t take his warning seriously. Is there a plan to burn down the ROTC building? A nefarious plan?

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Act II reaction to T.P. from Act I

What I learned from this assignment: The importance of the protagonist reaction or action after the T.P. Still learning this writing process.

(from ACT I)

(V.O.): “When the shit hits the fan, do what it takes to show those kids whose in charge.”

Norman: “Got it”.

Norman Hangs up phone. Looks around, doesn’t see Chuck, pulls out pistol….checks loaded gun chamber. Slips gun back in his pocket.

ACT II

Saturday May 2nd

EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – DAY

Town is a mess after protesting, some store windows broken. Garbage in streets… burned down wooden stand.

A large number 9 (20-30) of KSU students are donating their time to help with the clean-up.

POLICEMEN patrol the streets, some helping with clean-up.

REACTION TO TURNING POINT:

Chuck and KAREN RAYMON (19), full figured, dark hair, assist in the clean up.

CHUCK

I saw this weird dude on the phone last night–

KAREN

So? Sweetie Pie, there’s a lot of weird dudes in this town right now.

CHUCK

But this guy was suspicious like no others.

KAREN

Yeah? How?

CHUCK

I started taking pictures of him, then moved closer. He didn’t know I could hear him.

They throw some broken glass into a nearby dumpster.

KAREN

You were eavesdropping? You sneak!

CHUCK

Well, he must have been talking to a superior somebody…government shit.

KAREN

Like what?

CHUCK

He was telling his contact that “things are really heating up…National Guard isn’t here yet”.

KAREN

That’s funky shit.

CHUCK

Here’s the heavy stuff: after he hung up the phone, he pulled a revolver out of his jacket pocket and checked the chamber. It was loaded.

KAREN

Get out! You need to report this to the police.

An old garbage truck pulls up and Chuck helps load garbage bags full of trash, along with some burnt plywood onto the truck.

Chuck walks over to A POLICEMAN (40ish) patrolling and helping with the clean-up.

CHUCK

Officer, I’d like to report an incident last night, actually two I overheard that might be of concern.

POLICEMAN

(reluctant)

OK, what do you have?

CHUCK

There was this weird guy in an orange jacket over there at that outside pay phone. He was telling someone…very serioius conversation… that “things were heating up”, and, “Guard isn’t here yet”, and then he pulled out a revolver and checked the chambers. It was loaded.

The policeman did not seem at all surprised, but pulled out a small notebook, took a few notes.

POLICEMAN

OK, son, we’ll look into it.

CHUCK

That’s it? Want me to go to the station and report this?

POLICEMAN

No, I got this. Much appreciated.

CHUCK

Oh yeah, I over another student say they were burning down the ROTC building tonight

POLICEMAN

Oh, yeah, we hear that all the time.

He looks around. Sees a traffic jam.

POLICEMAN

You take care. I’ve gotta get this car moving up.

Chuck walks back over to Karen, who’s sweeping more glass on the sidewalk.

KAREN

What’d he say?

CHUCK

He didn’t seem concerned at all. I’m floored.

KAREN

Sweetie, you might need to go to the station and report this stuff.

CHUCK

I think I’ll track this guy myself. There’s something strange about this, because the cop acted like he knew this weird guy with the gun.

Chuck bends over with a large dust pan and helps Karen with some more broken glass.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s finished ACT I

What I learned from this assignment: Still learning to “speed write”. This lessoned helped me in that direction. Used some “placeholders” in places where more detail/research is required, as this is an historical fiction script.

(Robert F. Kennedy’s Final Speech Los Angeles, CA, June 1968)

SUPER: Ambassador Hotel, Los Angeles, CA June 1968

Start: 7:53 “…the Country wants to move in a different direction…”

End: 8:02 “…. Peace in Vietnam.”

Freeze Frame

Black Screen

One, echoing gunshot.

(Martin Luther King’s “I’ve Been to the Mountain Top” speech, Memphis, TN, April, 1968)

SUPER: Memphis, TN, April 1968

Start: 40 seconds to 1:02

Freeze Frame

Black Screen

One, echoing gunshot.

(John F. Kennedy’s Peace Speech/American University June 1963)

SUPER: American University June 1963

Start: 2:55 “…I’m talking about genuine peace..”

End: 3:28 “…total war makes no sense…”

Freeze Frame

Repeat: “…total war makes no sense”

Black Screen

One, echoing gunshot

CLIP of actual taped recording of Nixon in ‘69 talking with Henry Kissinger at White House.

NIXON

For once we’ve got to use the maximum power of this country against this shit-ass little country.

HENRY KISSINGER

I’m concerned about the civilians…

NIXON

Henry, the only place we disagree is about the bombing. You’re so goddamned concerned about the civilians…I don’ give a damn! I don’t care.

Blank screen.

NIXON (V.O.)

…I don’t give a damn…I don’t care–

INSERT VIDEO (FROM D. ELLSBERGS’ DOC)… THROWING BODIES INTO MASS GRAVE

(2) Suggest: “PEOPLE GOTTA BE FREE” YOUNG RASCALS fade in

SUPER: MUNCIE, INDIANA MAY 4TH,1970

INT. LIVING ROOM – SMALL RENTAL HOUSE – NIGHT

TWO COUPLES (20ish) watch a black & white TV with rabbit ear antennae in an unkept living room, all four sipping Stroh’s beer, laughing, jovial mood. Cigarette smoke fills the room.

MUSIC BLARES IN BACKGROUND

JEFFREY SHELTON, in cut-off jeans and T-shirt sits in old recliner. REBECCA, a cute blond co-ed, sits in his lap. Jeffrey’s hair in pony tail, face rough shaven.

Rebecca lights a joint, but Jeffrey puffs a cigarette and shakes head on the joint, declining.

The other couple, JACK DIXON (20), conservatively dressed, short hair, and STEPHANIE (20), tall neatly-dressed brunette, are stretched out on a worn couch.

JEFFREY

I gotta study, guys, big physics test tomorrow. Didn’t do so hot on my last one.

He puts his cigarette out.

JACK

Hey, check that out! Turn off the stereo!

Jeffrey jumps up, turns off turn table.

Jack sits up, points to TV emphatically. Jumps to old the small TV and turns it up.

JACK

Shee..it!

JEFFREY

Are you shitting me?

All four sit up in attention. Rebecca knocks over a beer.

Evening news shows National Guard at Kent State University marching down a hill, firing rifles at students hundreds of feet away.

NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.)

…and the names of the four students killed today at Kent State University are being held until all the families have been notified…

The room is silent. The four are dumbfounded. They all shake their heads, stare at each other in shock.

Rebecca, frozen, watches the ashes build on her joint, then falls on the dirty carpet.

Jeffrey sets his beer down on a dilapidated end table next to other empty beer cans and a glass astray packed with cigarette butts.

JEFFREY

Now they’re shooting students for Christ sake! First they kill us in wars, they assassinate our Presidents and leaders, and now us!

He pulls a cigarette out of his shirt pocket. The six-foot-tall Jack Stidham stands up, scratches his near burr-cut head.

JACK

Don’t know what to say, man–

JEFFREY

Nothin’ to say. This government is out of control with their control. Nixon said he would get us out of ‘NAM–

JACK

Dude, this wasn’t caused by Nixon–

JEFFREY

Hell if it wasn’t, he promised to get us out of ‘Nam, and now he just sent troops into Cambodia. We’ve got to do something about this madman!

(2A)

INT. OFFICE – RAND CORP. SECTOR – PENTAGON – WASHINGTON D.C. – DAY

BUSINESS MAN (mid-40’S) slowly turns combination lock on large safe. Glances over many files and books.

He spots files: “VIETNAM–TOP SECRET”, then pulls out a few hundred pages and slides them in his briefcase.

Turns off office light. Exits, locking door behind him.

INT. LIVING ROOM – SMALL RENTAL HOUSE – DAY

STEPHANIE

Not much we can do, I feel helpless, and I ain’t bombin’ no buildings.

JEFFREY

Jack, it was the “National Guard” right? Nixon loves guns and war. That shit flows downhill–just like the draft he put in place back in December. He would nuke “Nam if Kissinger would let him–

STEPHANIE

I’m outta hear. I have a special ed class in the morning. This whole thing is so sad…so sad.

REBECCA

I’m with you. Let’s bolt. I can’t handle this shit. Are those military dudes at Ball State?

JACK

You guys are over-reacting. There’s no guard here.

JEFFREY

Sure ‘bout that?

JACK

I just had class at 4. Nothing happening on campus.

BAM! Dilapidated front screen door slams as the two girls head out.

JACK

Wanta go down stairs and crank up some CCR or Doors?

JEFFREY

I feel like it, man, but need to study. Test in the morning. I’m on for this weekend, though. There’ll be a lot of chicks here.

JACK

Oh yeah…forget it’s your brother’s birthday party. We gotta get a keg.

INT. DINING ROOM – COLLEGE RENTAL HOUSE – NIGHT

Jeff walks in and sits down to his Rogers drumset. He picks up his sticks and starts to play, then suddenly throws his sticks down, disgusted.

JEFFREY

War….who needs war? I don’t get it.

(3) he goes to his bedroom.

INT. BEDROOM – SMALL RENTAL – NIGHT

Describe: Track ribbons, trophies, mattress on floor. Jeff head in hands, lights a ciggy then picks up physics book and studies.

(4) KSU campus: day: Chuck Ayers with Karen…Karen’s crying. trying to get off campus…phone lines tied up/all highways busy…blue vw buG…)NEXT ACT?)

(6) EXT. BALL STATE UNIVERSITY – MIDDLE OF CAMPUS – DAY

Weather perfect. Light spring breeze. Buildings in center of campus for a rectangle, with lush grass and tall trees filling the middle.

Criss-crossing sidewalks connect the Student Union with the various class buildings.

Jeffrey walks west into this “square” on one of the sidewalks, books in hand.

He has the same Tshirt on as the previous night, but now dons tie-dyed jeans.

He is hypersensitive, as he enters the open area. He slows his walking pace and diligently looks around.

JEFFREY (V.O.)

I wondered in that moment: Could the National Guard be here? Are they watching me? Are they hiding behind these buildings…ready to shoot?

He picks up his pace.

JEFFREY (V.O.)

I continually looked around for signs of military. I started walking at a near-run pace toward the science building. I was scared.

He nearly knocks over a gorgeous brunette, BARB CAIN, in sorority-style attire.

BARB

Hey, Jeff, haven’t seen you in a while.

JEFFREY

Yeah, got caught up in some stuff.

He looks all around as he talks to her.

BARB

You haven’t called in while, figured you met someone else.

Jeffrey looks away.

JEFFREY

Hey, we’re having a party Saturday…my brother’s birthday. He’s turning 19.

BARB

(gloomy)

I’ll see. Last time I came to your house, you had plenty of girls there.

She gives a smirkish smile.

JEFFREY

I’ll be better. I gotta run. Test you know.

BARB

Ok.

JEFFREY

(yells back)

Don’t forget Saturday.

He stops and looks around. Takes a seat on nearby concrete bench in the shadows of a towering willow tree.

(7) JEFF’S MINDSCAPE: from previous night’s news cast: Pic of JEFF MILLER (19)face down, deceased, on pavement in the parking lot on KSU campus.

(8)Jeff reluctantly picks up his physics book and slowly heads toward the old science building.

JEFFREY (V.O.)

Were the students violent? Did they have guns? Was it a peaceful protest? Were they just walking to class? No way to know back then…no internet, cell phones, or even cable news.

Jeffrey stops just in front of the steps to the science building, looks around one more time, then heads up the stairs.

(9) INT. BALL STATE UNIVERSITY – SCIENCE BUILDING

Jeffrey races up a packed stairway, hundreds of carefree students scurry up and down.

LOUD CHATTER (V.O.)

JEFFREY (V.O.)

That day…that emotion is forever embedded in my mind and heart. How can this be? How can students get killed going to class. Years would pass before I would be able to process the full story…and the cover-up.

NEXT DAY…

(9A) INT. LIVING ROOM – SMALL RENTAL – DAY

Jeff frantically calling on wall phone..line busy.

He then dials another number:

JEFFREY

Hey, Mom, can you give me Cousin Chuck’s number in Akron? I can’t get a hold of him at school.

Jeff scribbles it down on the wall.

Dials frantically

CHUCK (V.O.)

(traumatized/shaking)

S;lkfasflk. Hello…I’m still in shock, dude. This is too much…………….

JEFFREY

I’ve got a test Friday, then I’ll head up…Dave has a birthday party here, but I’ll skip

“What happened man, what’s goin on?”…we gotta meet, here’s the story:

(9B) Jeff goes to Chuck’s house in Akron, they pop a beer and ciggy’s….Chuck Tells his story:

(10) KSU campus: Chuck is visiting SDS meeting, big rap session: SDS meets here, crash house/flop house. HAUNTED HOUSE/CRASH HOUSE Sds heated discussions…peeps unknown..Chuck joins in conversation.

SUPER: Thursday, April 30, 1970

CHUCK AND KAREN GO TO CLASS, BRING TV AND WATCH NIXON’S SPEECH where he announced going into Cambodia.

(12)lots of talk on campus about the speech on Cambodia.

(12A) haunted house in kent from Psycho P.76-Michener. p.78 Key note. Kids from Berkely, Harvard, Michigan–it was headquarters for SDS… mentin Debie Shryock and Rick Erikson also p.83

(12B) House on Ash st + haunted house….radicals. 1/2 not students

Corky benedict p.87

(13) chuck and karen…..chuck taking pics of the scuttlebutt

(13A) 5/1/70 noon, students, GET NAME FROM MICHENER’S BOOK “bury constitution”….it’s Dead, no longer follow it!

Terry Norman taking pics of ceremony

(13B) Rudy Perry, black leader, calls meeting, keeps the blacks out of site. He doesn’t want the black community on campus to be blamed for any of the protests/riots.

See pgs 32-34 Michener’s book,(13C) quotes from Weathermen p.61 – Michener, and SDS stuff here

(13 D) house on Ash st, p.66 – Michener. Flop house, hard to describe, but typical college type / wide variety for sure. Good description on p. 72..p.74 Some violent plans

ermerged from here…SDS problems in ‘69 see pgs99,100, 103

(13E) INT. KENT CITY MAYOR’S OFFICE – KENT, OHIO – NIGHT

Kent mayor makes initial call to Columbus for nat’l guard (calls governor’s office) dialogue on p.114

(14) EXT. KENT, OHIO – DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT

Bar scenes/students spill into the streets after they get kicked out of bars…early curfew, they’re now even more upset and full of beer!

(13F)INT. BEDROOM – DINGY APARTMENT – KENT, OHIO – DAY

Terry Norman (25), slender, dark hair, conservative dress looks out of his bedroom window at the many students parading toward downtown Kent, Ohio.

He pulls a revolver out of his dresser, looks it over. Places it in his jacket pocket. Heads out.

The Cobra BIKERS from Youngstown arrive.

(15A) INT. NATIONAL GUARD CAMP – COLUMBUS, OH – NIGHT

Captain Snyder was reading to his troop about their official behavior: p. 118 (see Michener for details)

(16) A few young people break windows, start fires.

(16a) Kent police arrive

(17) Chuck takes pictures. He spots a suspicious male student taking pics as well. This man goes to a pay phone. Looks around suspiciously.

(19A) INT. PENTAGON SECURITY EXIT DOOR – NIGHT

Dan Ellsberg leaves with briefcase full of classified documents. Security Guards look at him, but do not examine the breifcase.

EXT. KENT, OHIO – OUTSIDE PAY PHONE – NIGHT

Chuck walks up to man, overhears conversation:

Suspicious student, Terry Norman takes one last picture, then walks over to pay phone.

Norman: “Things are really heating up here at Kent”.

(V.O.): “You have your weapon. Use it if you need to.”

Norman: “The Guard isn’t here yet, but the Mayor will probably call them in tomorrow”.

(V.O.): “When the shit hits the fan, do what it takes to show those kids whose in charge.”

Norman: “Got it”. Hangs up phone. Looks around, doesn’t see Chuck, pulls out pistol….checks loaded gun chamber. Slips gun back in his pocket.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Turning Point1

What I learned from this assignment: How important turning points are for the script at the end of Acts I – III.

TURNING POINT OUTLINE (END OF ACT I):

(15) EXT. KENT, OHIO – NIGHT

Protesters, all students or that age crowd streets

Bikers – the Cobra BIKERS from Youngstown arrive

(15A) Captain Snyder was reading to his troop about their official behavior: p. 118 (Michener’s book)

(16) A few young people break windows, start fires.

(16a) police arrive

(17) Chuck takes pictures. He spots a suspicious male student taking pics as well. This man goes to a pay phone. Looks around suspiciously.

(19A) INT. PENTAGON SECURITY EXIT DOOR – NIGHT

Dan Ellsberg leaves with briefcase full of classified documents. Guards look at him, but do not examine it.

EXT. KENT, OHIO – OUTSIDE PAY PHONE – NIGHT

Chuck walks up to man, overhears conversation:

Suspicious student, Terry Norman takes pics, then walks over to pay phone.

Norman: “Things are really heating up here at Kent”.

(V.O.): “You have your weapon. Use it if you need to.”

Norman: “The Guard isn’t here yet, but the Mayor will probably call them in tomorrow”.

(V.O.): “When the shit hits the fan, do what it takes to show those kids whose in charge.”

Norman: “Got it”. Hangs up phone. Looks around, doesn’t see Chuck, pulls out pistol….checks Ammo.

TURNING POINT WITH DETAIL:

(13E) INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – KENT, OHIO – NIGHT

Kent mayor makes initial call to Columbus for nat’l guard (calls governor’s office) dialogue on p.114 (Michener)

(14) EXT. KENT, OHIO – DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT

Bar scenes/students spill into the streets after they get kicked out of bars…early curfew, they’re now even more upset and full of beer!

The Cobra BIKERS from Youngstown arrive.

(15A) INT. NATIONAL GUARD CAMP – COLUMBUS, OH – NIGHT

Captain Snyder was reading to his troop about their official behavior: p. 118 (see Michener for details)

(16) A few young people break windows, start fires.

(16a) Kent police arrive

(17) Chuck takes pictures. He spots a suspicious male student taking pics as well. This man goes to a pay phone. Looks around suspiciously.

(19A) INT. PENTAGON SECURITY EXIT DOOR – NIGHT

Dan Ellsberg leaves with briefcase full of classified documents. Security Guards look at him, but do not examine it.

EXT. KENT, OHIO – OUTSIDE PAY PHONE – NIGHT

Chuck walks up to man, overhears conversation:

Suspicious student, Terry Norman takes one last picture, then walks over to pay phone.

Norman: “Things are really heating up here at Kent”.

(V.O.): “You have your weapon. Use it if you need to.”

Norman: “The Guard isn’t here yet, but the Mayor will probably call them in tomorrow”.

(V.O.): “When the shit hits the fan, do what it takes to show those kids whose in charge.”

Norman: “Got it”. Hangs up phone. Looks around, doesn’t see Chuck, pulls out pistol….checks Ammo.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Act I Opening Scene

What I learned from this assignment: To speed write, without editing, while following a high level outline. Introduce main characters as quickly as possible, include antagonist early as well.

ACT I

(1) OPENING SCENE – Set up Antagonist

(Robert F. Kennedy’s Final Speech Los Angeles, CA, June 1968)

SUPER: Ambassador Hotel, Los Angeles, CA June 1968

Start: 7:53 “…the Country wants to move in a different direction…”

End: 8:02 “…. Peace in Vietnam.”

Freeze Frame

Black Screen

One, echoing gunshot.

(Martin Luther King’s “I’ve Been to the Mountain Top” speech, Memphis, TN, April, 1968)

SUPER: Memphis, TN, April 1968

Start: 40 seconds to 1:02

Freeze Frame

Black Screen

One, echoing gunshot.

(John F. Kennedy’s Peace Speech/American University June 1963)

SUPER: American University June 1963

Start: 2:55 “…I’m talking about genuine peace..”

End: 3:28 “…total war makes no sense…”

Freeze Frame

Repeat: “…total war makes no sense”

Black Screen

One, echoing gunshot

CLIP of actual audio tape recording of Nixon in ‘69 talking with Henry Kissinger at White House.

SUPER: PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON DISCUSSING NUCLEAR BOMBING OF VIETNAM WITH HENRY KISSINGER – SUMMER 1969

NIXON

Henry, the only place we disagree is about the bombing. You’re so goddamned concerned about the civilians…I don’ give a damn! I don’t care.

Blank screen.

(beat)

NIXON (V.O.)

…I don’t give a damn…I don’t care–

(2) SCENE – introduce two characters

MUSIC OF ‘70’S FADES IN (“suggest: PEOPLE GOTTA BE FREE” YOUNG RASCALS)

SUPER: MUNCIE, INDIANA MAY 4TH,1970

INT. SMALL RENTAL HOUSE – NIGHT

TWO COUPLES (all four 20ish) watch a black & white TV with rabbit ear antennae in an unkept living room, all four sipping Stroh’s beer, laughing, jovial mood. Cigarette smoke fills the room.

JEFFREY SHELTON (PROTAGONIST) , in cut-off jeans and T-shirt sits in old recliner, with REBECCA, a cute blond co-ed, sits in his lap. Jeffrey’s hair now in pony tail, face rough shaven.

Rebecca lights a joint, but Jeffrey puffs a cigarette and shakes head on the joint, declining.

The other couple, JACK STIDHAM , conservatively dressed, short hair, and STEPHANIE , tall neatly-dressed brunette, are stretched out on the worn couch.

JEFFREY

I gotta study, guys, big physics test tomorrow. Didn’t do so hot on my last one.

He puts his cigarette out.

JACK

Hey, check that out!

Jack sits up, points to TV emphatically. Jumps to old turntable, turns it off.

JACK

Shee..it!

JEFFREY

Are you shitting me?

All four sit up in attention.

Evening news shows National Guard at Kent State University marching down a hill, firing rifles at students hundreds of feet away.

NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.)

…and the names of the four students killed today at Kent State University are being held until all the families have been notified…

Living room is silent. The four are dumbfounded. They all shake their heads, stare at each other.

Rebecca, frozen, watches the ashes build on her joint, then falls on the dirty carpet.

Jeffrey sets his beer down on a dilapidated end table next to other empty beer cans and a glass astray packed with cigarette butts.

JEFFREY

Now they’re shooting students for Christ sake! First they kill us in wars, they assassinate our Presidents and leaders, and now us!

He pulls a cigarette out of his shirt pocket. The six-foot-tall Jack Stidham stands up, scratches his near burr-cut head.

JACK

Don’t know what to say–

JEFFREY

Nothin’ to say, man. This government is out of control with their control. Nixon said he would get us out of ‘NAM–

JACK

Dude, this wasn’t caused by Nixon–

JEFFREY

Hell if it wasn’t, he sent troops into Cambodia. We’ve got to do something about this madman! He’s got the country believing killing innocent Vietnamese is good for our country!

INT. PENTAGON – RAND DIVISION – DAY

Dan Ellsberg (protagonist) opens safe, and takes secret files from office…. the “Pentagon Papers”

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s beat sheet draft #2

What I Learned from this assignment: To interweave the theme throughout the four acts, as well as developing and evolving the actions of the antagonist, raising the tension in the script.

ACT I

INT. FLASHBACKS OF BRIEF MOMENTS OF 3 SPEECHES BY JFK, MLK, AND RFK

INT. COLLEGE RENTAL HOME – MUNCIE, IN – DAY

Jeff and Jack see Cronkite’s announcement on Kent State Shooting

EXT. BALL STATE CAMPUS – DAY

Jeff goes to class wondering if he can get shot

INT. COLLEGE RENTAL HOME – DAY

Jeff calls cousin, Chuck Baker, at KSU… what happened? Chuck was a student photographer

INT. AKRON, OH – SMALL BAR – DAY

Chuck proceeds to tell Jeff story of the four dreadful days of protest at KSU. Starts on Thurs 4/30

INT. AUDIO OF PRESIDENT NIXON – April 30, 1970

Speech announces invasion of Cambodia

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Students symbolically bury the U.S. Constitution

INT. PENTAGON – WASHINGTON, D.C. – DAY

Dan Ellsberg of Rand Corp, starts stealing Vietnam files, carries them out in briefcase

INT. WHITE HOUSE – WASHINGTON D.C – DAY

President Nixon referred today to some campus radicals who violently oppose his Vietnam policies as “bums” and, in contrast, he said American soldiers were “the greatest.”

EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – NIGHT

Peaceful protest, but a few break windows , start fires

Bikers arrive from Youngstown.

ACT II – Saturday 5/2/70

INT. KENT, OHIO – MAYOR’S OFFICE

Kent Mayor calls OHIO Governor’s office (Rhodes). Requests National Guard to come to KSU.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Helicopters buzz overhead of students.

Guard are everywhere.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – NIGHT

One or 2 students started fire at the R OTC building… eventually burned down (Mayor was warned, but no police arrived)

Firemen arrived but left because there were no policemen to protect them

National Guard quarantined off the building.

ROTC bldg. burns down

EXT. ROTC BUILDING – KSU CAMPUS – NIGHT

Chuck gets lots of pics

He takes pics of one suspicious student photographer in trench coat…FBI agent?

ACT III Sunday 5/3/70

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – SITE OF BURNED ROTC BUILDING

2 Students talking: “These ROTC establishments are probably to spy on the students… why else are they here?

EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – NIGHT

Peaceful demonstrations downtown. Students sit. Minor confrontations with Guard and Police

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

General Canterbury: “It’s about time they (students) find out what law and order is all about” (possibly on Monday)

INT. SECRET OFFICE BUILDING – WASHINGTON D.C. NIGHT

Dan Ellsberg and two others frantically are running hundreds of copies of papers he took from Pentagon

EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – NIGHT

Suspicious photographer stands alone on street corner taking pics of protesting students.

Monday 5/4/70

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Around noon, between classes many students gather on campus for a rally

National Guard starts moving the students around… guards have bayonets and gas masks on .

A Few students throw small rocks, non threatening.

Around 12:20 about 20 guards men turn around simultaneously and start firing 13 seconds, 67 shots.

13 students hit.

4 killed. SILENCE

FREEZE FRAME:

Brief bio of the 4 killed

Ambulances arrive

Chuck Baker jumps in his vb bug and gets in the traffic to go home to Akron

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – NEAR GUARD

Glen Frank, professor, talks the remaining students to remain peaceful, no more blood shed… pleads to guards as well.

INT. AMBULANCE – KSU CAMPUS

Tom Grace who was shot lies under a girl who was shot, and her blood drips down on him.

Girl is Sandy Schurer, who dies at hospital.

President White of KSU announces campus is closed down.

ACT IV

EXT. MONTAGE OF PROTESTS ON COLLEGE CAMPUSES ALL OVER THE COUNTRY – DAY

INT. SMALL TOWN OHIO – LOWER MIDDLE CLASS HOME – DINING ROOM – DAY

Jeff is now married. Argues with his wife because he is turning down job offer from Dept of Defense which would get him more money for the family.

INT. NEWSROOM – N.Y. TIMES HEADQUARTERS, NY, NY – DAY June 1970

Newspaper Headline: Truth about the Vietnam War releases as “The PENTAGON PAPERS”

EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. CAPITOL? – DAY

Ellsberg: “Wouldn’t you risk your life to end an illegal war?” (check exact words)

INT. SMALL HOME – AKRON, OHIO – LIVING ROOM – DAY MAY 8 1970

FBI shows up and takes Chuck Baker’s camera and all film… INTERROGATES HIM

INT. WHITE HOUSE – WASHINGTON, D.C. – DAY SEPTEMBER 1971

September, 1971 Nixon “Remember Kent State!”

INT. COURT ROOM – CLEVELAND, OHIO – DAY (spring, 1975)

Attorney, Joseph Kelner, starts opening statements in suit against the National Guard and Governor Rhodes

INT. COURTROOM – CLEVELAND, OHIO – 1979

9 years after shootings, a deal was made whereby the parents of the slain students received $15,000.

Dean Kahler received $350K ??

SUPER: PRESENT DAY

Jeffrey Shelton is now a physics professor

Has a dream that the 4 killed in OHIO come to him and tell him they are fine, we need peace, let go… heal

Further research required for actual dialogue

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s High Speed Beat Sheet

What I Learned from this assignment: To keep putting down scenes without editing or judging. Some are incomplete, and some very conceptual, and that is good. I need further research as this is an historical fiction, so needs quite a lot of research for historical accuracy.

ACT I

INT. FLASHBACKS OF BRIEF MOMENTS OF 3 SPEECHES BY JFK, MLK, AND RFK

INT. COLLEGE RENTAL HOME – MUNCIE, IN – DAY

Jeff and Jack see Cronkite’s announcement on Kent State Shooting

EXT. BALL STATE CAMPUS – DAY

Jeff goes to class wondering if he can get shot

INT. COLLEGE RENTAL HOME – DAY

Jeff calls cousin, Chuck Baker, at KSU… what happened? Chuck was a student photographer

INT. AKRON, OH – SMALL BAR – DAY

Chuck proceeds to tell Jeff story of the four dreadful days of protest at KSU. Starts on Thurs 4/30

INT. AUDIO OF PRESIDENT NIXON

Speech announces invasion of Cambodia

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Students symbolically bury the U.S. Constitution

INT. PENTAGON – WASHINGTON, D.C. – DAY

Dan Ellsberg of Rand Corp, starts stealing Vietnam files, carries them out in briefcase

EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – NIGHT

Peaceful protest, but a few break windows , start fires

Bikers arrive from Youngstown.

ACT II – Saturday 5/2/70

INT. KENT, OHIO – MAYOR’S OFFICE

Kent Mayor calls OHIO Governor’s office (Rhodes). Requests National Guard to come to KSU.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Helicopters buzz overhead of students.

Guard are everywhere.

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – NIGHT

One or 2 students started fire at the R OTC building… eventually burned down (Mayor was warned, but no police arrived)

Firemen arrived but left because there were no policemen to protect them

National Guard quarantined off the building.

ROTC bldg. burns down

EXT. ROTC BUILDING – KSU CAMPUS – NIGHT

Chuck gets lots of pics

He takes pics of one suspicious student photographer in trench coat…FBI agent?

ACT III Sunday 5/3/70

EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – NIGHT

Peaceful demonstrations downtown. Students sit. Minor confrontations with Guard and Police

INT. SECRET OFFICE BUILDING – WASHINGTON D.C. NIGHT

Dan Ellsberg and two others frantically are running hundreds of copies of papers he took from Pentagon

EXT. DOWNTOWN KENT, OHIO – NIGHT

Suspicious photographer stands alone on street corner taking pics of protesting students.

Monday 5/4/70

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – DAY

Around noon, between classes many students gather on campus for a rally

National Guard starts moving the students around… guards have bayonets and gas masks on .

A Few students throw small rocks, non threatening.

Around 12:20 about 20 guards men turn around simultaneously and start firing 13 seconds, 67 shots.

13 students hit.

4 killed. SILENCE

Ambulances arrive

Chuck Baker jumps in his vb bug and gets in the traffic to go home to Akron

EXT. KSU CAMPUS – NEAR GUARD

Glen Frank, professor, talks the remaining students to remain peaceful, no more blood shed… pleads to guards as well.

INT. AMBULANCE – KSU CAMPUS

Tom Grace who was shot lies under a girl who was shot, and her blood drips down on him.

Girl is Sandy Schurer, who dies at hospital.

ACT IV later that day…

President White of KSU announces campus is closed down.

INT. COURT ROOM – CLEVELAND, OHIO – DAY (spring, 1975)

Attorney, Joseph Kelner, starts opening statements in suit against the National Guard and Governor Rhodes

Further research from here forward

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Transformational Events

What I Learned from this assignment: This assignment was excellent in helping me understand the key events of the Kent State tragedy and how it helped some of those involved mature, evolve, and find their way forward after suffering significant trauma.

13 Seconds – 13 Down

An Historical Fiction

Since this is an historical fiction, the characters, events, and even the arcs are already defined by history. However (not being a true documentary) I will embellish the characters and events somewhat to emphasize the historical events, especially the murder of 4 students (and 9 others injured) by the National Guard and the various forces behind this tragedy.

Make a list of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways).

Jeffrey Shelton.

Old Ways: intelligent, athletic, but unkept, heavy drinker and smoker, naïve, unkept dress and home, irreverent and irresponsible.

New Ways: Responsible family man, wiser, at peace with himself, becomes a professor

Changes required: the death of his father and the shootings at Kent State, both which play on his mind, along with the previous assassinations of JFK, RFK, and MLK…. All pushing him to understand death somewhat, and forcing him to mature. He must witness the operations of the government and judicial system and come to peace with the fact that life is not always fair and he must carve out his own life, make his own integral changes, and seek a career.

Chuck Baker:

Old Ways: naïve student photographer, unaware of government over-reach on campus, overweight, carries some wounds from his past

New Ways: Mature adult, professional photography and graphic artist, wise to “the ways of the world”, healed through therapy.

Sequence the steps from easiest to most difficult. This will imply the journey the character takes. Brainstorm dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character.

For both Jeffrey and Chuck:

· The murders at Kent State University triggered them both to address their personal issues.

· Visiting with their friends and family afterwards started a catharsis, an inner journey

· They both re-examined their thoughts on death

· They both had to decide whether or not to rebel more against the government, or be a peaceful advocate for good

· They both were forced to move forward with their life…sort out their career.

6. Add these transformational events to your four act structure. – DONE

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment: This definitely helped me layout the outline for the entire historical fiction, especially the turn-arounds at the end of each act. Since this feature is based on historical fact, the protagonist’s and the antagonist’s key actions are blended simultaneously in this outline. Each worked concurrently against the other, culminating in the killing of 4 students and the injuring of 9 others.

Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.

1. Give us the following:

· Concept: Who gave the order to the National Guardsmen to fire 67 shots at unarmed Kent State students in May of 1970? New, in-depth perspectives on the tragedy of the Vietnam war, the cultural clashes that fueled intense divisions across America, and the multitudes of Federal and State governments’ errors, and the subsequent cover-ups and acquittals that were hidden from the public are all brought to light in this historical fiction.

Main Conflict: The students’ protest of the war in
Vietnam vs the government’s continual involvement

Old Ways: violent protesting, rock throwing, threats,
agitating the government (National Guard)

New Ways: peaceful protest, mature dialogue and
speeches, positive activism

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening: Brief (20 second) speeches by JFK, RFK,
and MLK
Inciting incident: Nixon announced invasion of Cambodia <div>

Turning Point: Riots in
downtown Kent, OH, by KSU protesters…protesting Nixon’s invasion of Cambodia….
tensions have built up..students start fires

Act 2:

New plan: Next Day, students rally on campus </div><div>

Plan in action: Mayor calls in national Guard to Kent
and KSU campus

Midpoint Turning Point: A couple of students burn down ROTC bldg
on campus.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Governor Rhodes shows up, wants the
students quieted “at all costs”
New plan : National Guard
infiltrates campus/students agitate them, not much violence, 2000 students
show up peacefully, most headed to class observing. </div><div>

Turning Point: Huge failure /
Major shift: National Guard suddenly turn and fire 67 shots into the
students 300-600’ away, most are headed to class, kills 4 injures 9!

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of
the conflict: Court hearings over
murder; judge sides with National Guard, some who lied about the students
being a threat. Judge

acquits Guards who shot the fatal shots.

Resolution: Reveal the facts,
the cover-up, and invoke the release and healing of all of those involved,
the students, the parents, the victims who survived…..and honoring the
fallen ones of course!

</div>

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Character Interviews

What I learned doing this assignment: I discovered much more about my characters…this is an excellent tool for character development, and I’ll add some details to my character profiles.

Interview each character, knowing that they will answer any questions you ask. As you interview them, allow them to tell you their experience.

Interview with Protagonist Jeffrey Shelton:

Tell
me about yourself: Well, I’m 21, physics major, have one brother, love
women. In high school, I lettered in 3 sports…..out of shape now! Too much beer, I guess <div>

Why
do you think you were called to this journey? Why you? Someone needs to tell this story, and I
have some technical background and some writing experience…. I was a
senior at Ball State U. During the KSU shootings….we were somewhat
traumatized as well…it’s a time to heal
You
are up against .

What is it about them that makes this journey even more
difficult for you? Well, you know, the government can hush up anyone if
they want to cover-up an issues…..this will be a bit of a dance to get
the full story out to the public
In
order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way
outside of your box.

What changes do you expect to make and which of them
will be the most difficult?
What
habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let
go of? I’m learning to realize that there are dark forces in our world
that we often don’t see or know the extent of…..I need to be more aware
of those forces…and let go of my image of our country

What
fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back? Mostly just my lack of
maturity. Now I want to tell the story with no fear….I have a better
sense of how to tell the truth, without offending too many people.

What don’t you want them to
know? I like to party now….worked so hard for 3 years, now I’m letting
go…. I have not dealt well with my dad’s death….my friends don’t know
that…I guess I’m not dealing my grief very well, I hide my emotions
quite a lot…..

What
do you think of ?
Tell
me your side of this whole conflict / story. It’s quite a story, the Kent
State Murders on 5/4/70….the 4 kids killed were basically just walking
in the parking lot… some 400 feet away from the Guard… then
afterwards, the judges sided with the Guard, who were not in any immanent
danger….it was a murder, yet I want to bring it up for healing
purposes…. let some of the grief go after all these years.

What
does it do for your life is you succeed here? Me and my buddies can hopefully help
release and heal some of those who were on campus that day, and their
families.

Interview with Antagonist President Nixon:

Tell me about yourself. I love being President, was my goal my whole life. I’m trying to get this country straight.

Having
to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? I’m a
strong, conservative leader, I have a clear, agenda for our people. I
don’t have many weaknesses, maybe I’m a little sensitive on some issues
when I’m attacked. </div>

Why
are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? These protesting,
violent students must shape up and support our government… they are too
liberal and don’t understand that our government is the best and this war
in Vietnam must be won .

What
do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking
down your competition? To save our
country from the deterioration by liberal thinking. The office of the President must be
respected. My authority must be respected
What
drives you toward your mission / agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin,
or death?

What
secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of
fear / insecurity? I have felt insecure at times…. I don’t handle
criticism well…. I hide that side of me.

Compared
to other people like you, what makes you special? It’s my determination to
do good for this country… we are the leaders of the world and we must
always show that. I can keep that image going.

Tell
me your side of this whole conflict / story. I never gave an order to
shoot those kids. It was terrible. But those guards must be allowed to do
their jobs. Those were good men out there at Kent State.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Subject line: Lonnie’s Character Profile Part 2

What I learned doing this assignment: This lesson helped me create needed details of my 2 main characters. Of course they will evolve, but I now have a great start as I start the script.

Fill in Part 2 of the character Profile for your two lead characters.

Lead #1: Jeffrey Shelton

What
draws us to this character? Likeable, long-haired, but straight-laced 21-
yr-old of the ‘70’s: He is tremendously affected by the Kent State
shootings <div>

Traits:
genius mind, funny, happy-go-lucky

Subtext:
physics major, peace keeper, ex-athlete, borderline alcoholic

Flaw:
drinks too much, chain smoker, good
looking, but unkept hair/clothes
Values:
peace keeper, respects others, gentleman to women

Irony:
ex star athlete, straight A student, now party guy who hates the Vietnam
war. Not afraid of a bar fight

What
makes this the right character for this role? (historical fiction, Jeffrey is a real
person, somewhat traumatized by the KSU shootings, tells his story through
his cousin who was there)

Lead #2: Chuck Baker (represents the KSU student body, and their experience of the shootings)

What
draws us to this character? He was a student photographer during the Kent
State shootings. Approached by FBI </div><div>

Traits:
Takes studies seriously, very conservative, loves his girlfriend, large
guy, but Teddy Bear inside

Subtext:
insecure with women, not sure of his future

Flaw:
allows others to manipulate him
Values:
accommodates others, serves his church out of selflessness, great student

Irony:
Puts his life on the line: he wants
to help by photographing the shooting/events, but is deeply shaken due to
his fear

What
makes this the right character for this role? (historical fiction, Chuck
is a real person, traumatized by
the KSU shootings, tells his story: he was there, he was confronted by the
FBI and had his pictures taken by them.)

*****************************************************

(Part I):

Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Two protagonists: Jeffrey Shelton and KSU student body; both are victims on the shootings on 5/4/70.

Jeff was on an adjacent campus, with little knowledge of the 4 students killed, except that 2-3 of them were simply walking to class…. Could he get shot? Was the National Guard on his campus?

The KSU student body were all traumatized (those present that weekend, and those returning as well) by the 4 students shot and killed , along with 9 others shot/wounded.

3. Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Antagonist: Government officials (the Feds + State of Ohio + National Guard)

During this era, the President called all students “Bums”, the Governor ordered the guard to use live ammo….etc, etc.

4. What other characters might be necessary?

Supporting
characters: Chuck Ayers (real person) student photographer at the time
Minor
roles: Dan Ellsberg, responsible for the Pentagon Papers
Background
characters: Terry Norman, FBI undercover agent/photographer on campus

5. Pick your genre.

Historical Fiction, or, a type of drama with some action/drama, naturally.

6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.

Role
in the story: Jeffrey Shelton, college student. Main character, tells the
story of Kent State shooting through the eyes of his cousin, Chuck Ayers
Age
range and Description: good looking, but unkept college male of the ‘70’s.
21. Fun loving, but genius as a physics major

Internal
Journey: goes from fear and insecurities of the world (“Nam era), to being
content, loving, at peace with life
External
Journey: goes from being an
anti-war musician,drop out to being a college professor

Motivation:
understand death, understand forgiveness
Wound:
his dad’s accidental death by fire
Mission/Agenda:
to help reveal the cover ups at Kent State, and help heal all those
traumatized by it.
Secret:
he never forgot that day,May 4^th, 1970, even though he was 200
miles away from the shootings
What
makes them special? He was very talented,
yet sensitive. He retained empathy for those who suffered at KSU,
along with the intention for the country to heal from JFK, RFK, and MLK
assasinations.
</div>

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Character Profiles, Part I

What I learned from this assignment is: This lesson helped me ‘hone in” on my lead character’s motivation, along with his internal and external journeys. My main character(s) are better defined now.

2. Pick the type of role your Protagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Two protagonists: Jeffrey Shelton and KSU student body; both are victims on the shootings on 5/4/70.

Jeff was on an adjacent campus, with little knowledge of the 4 students killed, except that 2-3 of them were simply walking to class…. Could he get shot? Was the National Guard on his campus?

The KSU student body were all traumatized (those present that weekend, and those returning as well) by the 4 students shot and killed , along with 9 others shot/wounded.

3. Pick the type of role your Antagonist will play and give us a few sentences on how they will fulfill that role.

Antagonist: Government officials (the Feds + State of Ohio + National Guard)

During this era, the President called all students “Bums”, the Governor ordered the guard to use live ammo….etc, etc.

4. What other characters might be necessary?

Supporting
characters: Chuck Ayers (real person) student photographer at the time
Minor
roles: Dan Ellsberg, responsible for the Pentagon Papers. <div>

Background
characters: Terry Norman, FBI undercover agent/photographer on campus

5. Pick your genre.

Historical Fiction, or, a type of drama with some action/drama, naturally.

6. Fill in whatever answers come to you about your lead character profiles.

Role
in the story: Jeffrey Shelton, college student. Main character, tells the
story of Kent State shooting through the eyes of his cousin, Chuck Ayers. </div>

Age
range and Description: good looking, but unkept college male of the ‘70’s.
21. Fun loving, but genius as a physics major

Internal
Journey: goes from fear and insecurities of the world (“Nam era), to being
content, loving, at peace with life

External
Journey: goes from being an
anti-war musician,drop out to being a college professor

Motivation:
understand death, understand forgiveness
Wound:
his dad’s accidental death by fire

Mission/Agenda:
to help reveal the cover ups at Kent State, and help heal all those traumatized
by it.

Secret:
he never forgot that day, May 4^th, 1970, even though he was 200
miles away from the shootings

What
makes them special? He was very talented,
yet sensitive young man at age 21. He retained empathy for those who suffered at KSU,
along with the intention for the country to heal from JFK, RFK, and MLK
assasinations.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie Nichols’ transformational journey

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” —

I learned more about the arcs of my protagonists and the difference between internal and external journeys.

CONCEPT: Who gave the order to the National Guardsmen to fire 67 shots at unarmed Kent State students in May of 1970? New, in-depth perspectives on the tragedy of the Vietnam war, the cultural clashes that fueled intense divisions across America, and the multitudes of Federal and State governments’ errors, along with the subsequent cover-ups and acquittals that were hidden from the public are all brought to light in this historical fiction.

Who is your Hero and what is their Character Arc that represents a transformation?

Heroes are: Jeffrey Shelton and the KSU students

Internal
Journey: Jeffrey Shelton: evolved
from fear to wisdom, immaturity to maturity,

KSU students: naive, rebels to
maturity and understanding

External
Journey: Jeff: long-hair, immature student to
professor and father

KSU students: rioters and hippies to peacekeepers and speakers on activism

3. What are the Old Ways and New Ways?

Jeff: Old Ways: Drank and smoked often. Cussed, slept around, sloppy dress

New: no smoking, good family man, good father and excellent professor.

KSU students: Old: naive actions, many stood by and watched with no purpose, a few rebelled violently.

New: became active in society, took responsible jobs, spoke positively about activism, raised families

[Lonnie Nichols]

Hi, my name is Lonnie Joseph Nichols. I’ve completed 3 scripts with coverage on all, and now jumping into a historical fiction. I’m also a published author of fiction and non-fiction. I also teach holistic health (energy) techniques. I’ve played drums since I was 6 yrs old.

I have quite a diversity of experience, especially managing projects in SE Asia.

My goal is to complete my historical fiction and have it ready by July to market and I’m sure this class will help me greatly in that goal. cheers

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie Nichols

“I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Marketing Campaign.

What I learned: There are many ways (10) to set a marketing plan in place. This forced me to focus on the best plan for me.

May marketing campaign is #3: Getting an agent, or, manager

Plan: To search IMBDpro, linkedin, and virtual pitchfest for manager and/or agent in my genre (s).

Step #1 – Search Virtual Pitchfest for a manager and or agent and start sending out the query letter.

With 2 scripts completed in similar genres, and 2 synopsis completed for 2 more, I feel that an agent is the way to go.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Query Draft #2

What I learned: Provide plenty of hooks and provide the ending. The challenge is to squeeze the best hooks in a short letter, but still tell the essence of the story. I ask myself: If I were a producer, would this interest me?

Dear {Producer} I enjoyed reading your wide variety of genres on IMBDPro, and I believe you would like my latest work, “Elevator Down”:

Title: ELEVATOR DOWN

Genre: Sci-fi/Suspense

Concept: A kidnapped boy struggles to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids who kidnap and clone world leaders, then send them to the surface to take control of world governments and economies.

Ben Shaeffer, a fragile 9-year-old, is witness to a jetliner hijacking. He is immediately kidnapped and held in a deep, underground cell by shape-shifting, powerful reptoids.

The evil leader, Adronis, wants him eliminated.

Meanwhile, in a Washington D.C. hotel, his frantic parents suddenly receive eerie messages on their TV, letting them know their son is alive. Who sent these messages? And, where is he?

But Adronis’ female partner in crime, Aurora, is endeared by Ben and his love for his family. She cannot kill him and drops hints with codes for the one, single escape route to the surface: the Elevator!

Does Ben get the hints? He gets part of the way. He sends up his mobile phone with explicit pictures of the underground complex, along with voice recordings of the reptoids’ evil agenda and how they will carry it out… in Washington, Rome, and London.

The Secret Service, FBI, and Washington P.D. team up to flood the complex with water, flushing out all the reptoids. Ben has magically got himself and the other prisoners out.

In the end, the jailed and dying Aurora relinquishes all of her powers of healing and more to little Ben.

BRIEF BIO: Published fiction and non-fiction author, Master’s degree: George Washington U.

If my concept intrigues you, I’ll be happy to send you a copy of my script.

Regards, Lonnie Joseph Nichols

Ph: 520-282-1294

Email: ljenterprises77@gmail.com Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/l-joseph-nichols-4718b61b4/

This reply was modified 17 hours, 45 minutes ago by Lonnie Nichols.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Query Draft #1

What I learned: Provide plenty of hooks and provide the ending. The challenge is to squeeze the best hooks in a short letter, but still tell the essence of the story. I ask myself: If I were a producer, would this interest me?

Dear {Producer} I enjoyed reading your wide variety of genres on IMBDPro, and I believe you would like my latest work, “Elevator Down”. Let me know what you think:

Title: ELEVATOR DOWN

Genre: Sci-fi/Suspense

Concept: A kidnapped boy struggles to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids who kidnap and clone world leaders, then send them to the surface to take control of world governments and economies.

Ben Shaeffer, a fragile 9-year-old, is witness to a jetliner hijacking. He is immediately kidnapped and held in a deep, underground cell by shape-shifting, powerful reptoids.

The evil leader, Adronis, wants him eliminated.

Meanwhile, in a Washington D.C. hotel, his frantic parents suddenly receive eerie messages on their TV, letting them know their son is alive. Who sent these messages? And, where is he?

But Adronis’ female partner in crime, Aurora, is endeared by Ben and his love for his family. She cannot kill him and drops hints with codes for the one, single escape route to the surface: the Elevator!

Does Ben get the hints? He gets part of the way. He sends up his mobile phone with explicit pictures of the underground complex, along with voice recordings of the reptoids’ evil agenda and how they will carry it out… in Washington, Rome, and London.

The Secret Service, FBI, and Washington P.D. team up to flood the complex with water, flushing out all the reptoids. Ben has magically got himself and the other prisoners out.

In the end, the jailed and dying Aurora relinquishes all of her powers of healing and more to little Ben.

BRIEF BIO: Published fiction and non-fiction author, Master’s degree: George Washington U.

I would like to send along the full script of Elevator Down upon your request.

Regards, Lonnie Joseph Nichols

Ph: 520-282-1294

Email: ljenterprises77@gmail.com Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/l-joseph-nichols-4718b61b4/

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Target Market

What I learned: I have worked with IMBpro in the past, so this was learning to “tweek” the process. I looked for actors as well as producers and directors this time, with focus on Producers.

Title: Elevator Down

Genre: Sci-fi/Mystery

Logline: A kidnapped boy struggles to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids who kidnap and clone world leaders, then send them to the surface to take control of world governments and economies.

Movies (comps):

American Horror Stories – most recent

X-file Series – on Ets/paranormal

Star Trek – various

Creature from the Black Lagoon

The Fly

Actors:

Sam: Ben Affleck

Jessica: Nina Arianda

(Jessica/back up): Emma Stone

Detective: Vincent D’Onofrio

Police Chief: Lance Reddick

Senator: Anya Taylor-Joy

I have over 200 producers in my genre from Imbdpro and Linkedin. I have been gathering since Jan of this year.

10/15/21 lesson 9

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s phone pitch.

What I learned from this lesson: I learned it’s ok to call producers, just make sure they are the right ones for my script. Also, keep all the elements in mind, like budget, marketability, etc. It’s important to be ready for questions. Choose the right strategy for the script you are marketing.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

Lead with a great title, also, High Concept if there’s a good spot to bring it in.

2. Give us your script for phone call pitches:

“Hi, I’m Lonnie Nichols I have a sci-fi/thriller, titled: “Elevator Down” I’d like to pitch to you.

(note: if there’s a pause, then…) Here’s the logline:

A kidnapped boy struggles to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids who kidnap and clone world leaders, then send them to the surface to take control of world governments and economies.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

What’s the budget range? $5M – $10M

Who do you see in the main roles? Vin Diesel (type), Emma Stone/Mary Louise Parker, Ben Affleck, and a 9-year-old boy, TBD

How many pages is the script? 115

Who else has seen this? “Recommend” from Coverfly, and two other coverages.

Why do you think this fits our company? Similar to your successfully-produced movies.

How does the movie end? Young Ben gets kidnapped because he saw them taking down 3 pilots in a 777 jet. He is locked in a cell deep below the Earth’s surface, but he overcomes all odds, befriends a leader of the reptoids, and figures a way to escape, bringing all prisoners with him. In the end, the lead reptoid, Aurora, passes her powers off to little Ben.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned: mostly who I’d like in the lead roles, and delineating the acts. This forced to flush much of this out.

1. Tell us your credibility: Published author of fiction and non-fiction titles. Two screenplays completed with excellent coverage. Masters from George Washington U. Completed various classes at ScreenwritingU.

2. Tell us your genre and title. “Elevator Down”, sci-fi/suspense

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?:

A kidnapped young boy needs to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids, who are kidnap and clone world leaders for world dominance.

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range? – $5M
– $10M

What actors do you like for the
lead roles?

Sam, the father: Ben Afflect (laid back as in, Gone
Girl)

Jessica, the mother: Nina Arianda (edgy, sassy, sexy)
Aurora, female reptoid
leader: Sigourney Weaver (a
younger version, fem/masc.)/ Emma Stone – powerful/controlling

Adronis, male reptoid leader:
Vin Diesel type, younger swartzenager-type

Detective Bradely: Vincent D’Onofrio-type,
old school, but smart

Chief Stevens: Lance Reddick –
stiff, like Bosch series

Give me the acts of the story.

Act 1 Nine-year-old Ben gets
kidnapped by underground reptoids . A high profile Senator also gets kidnapped, riding an elevator hundreds of feet down.

Act 2: Senator gets cloned/Ben
befriends one reptoid leader

Act 3: Ben plans his escape…for
everyone . Senator’s clone gets sent up, her husband gets suspicious. Ben’s parents receive odd messages through their TV that someone has Ben, but who, what, and where?

Act 4: Surprise escape by Ben and all hostages, then the destruction of evil reptoids

How does it end? (setup /
payoff).

The young boy gets kidnapped
by this evil cult, but one of the leaders develops feelings/compassion
for him, and provides clues for his escape….she also gives him the powers of healing and more.

Credibility questions What have
you done?

Am a published author ,
fiction and non-fiction, received various post-graduate degrees.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Query Letter

What I learned: The format of the short query, short and sweet, use the best hooks, lots of white space.

Title: ELEVATOR DOWN

Genre: Sci-fi/Suspense

Logline: A kidnapped young boy seeks to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids who kidnap and clone world leaders, then send them to the surface to take control of the governments and economy…solidifying their control matrix.

Query:

A fragile Ben Shaeffer, age 9, is held in a deep, underground cell by shape-shifting, powerful reptoids. The evil leader reptoid, Adronis, wants him eliminated.

His frantic parents suddenly receive eerie messages on their TV, letting them know he is alive. Who has him? Who sent the message? Where is he?

Young Ben must figure out an escape plan. Can he help the other prisoners?

Adronis’ partner in crime, Aurora, opens up to Ben. She is endeared by him and his love for his family. She cannot kill him, and drops hints of the required codes to the one escape route: the elevator.

Ben gets the hint, but does not trust her and secretly sends up his cell phone with pictures and drawings of the complex.

The FBI, secret service, and Washington PD work together to flood the complex and capture the reptoids, including Aurora. Ben has released all prisoners and escaped. But the Head of the Cult, Adronis, escapes on his own underground shuttle to the Denver Pod.

The jailed Aurora relinquishes to the young boy her powers to heal and more.

BRIEF BIO: Published fiction and non-fiction author, Master’s degree: George Washington U.

I would like to send along the full script of Elevator Down upon your request.

Regards, Lonnie Joseph Nichols

Ph: 520-282-1294

Email: ljenterprises77@gmail.com

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/l-joseph-nichols-4718b61b4/

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Synopsis/Hooks

What I learned: This forced me to organize my hooks, clarify them, and put them in an organized synopsis. It’s a little rough and needs trimming, but a good start.

2. Select 6 – 10 hooks that could give an overview of your story.:

Hooks:

1) Major hook of your opening scene – Ben, the 9-year-old, sees all of the pilots of a jetliner get murdered from the window of the boarding area at Heathrow airport. His parents don’t believe him, but he is kidnapped soon afterwards after the flight was diverted from Atlanta to Washington D.C.

2) What is most unique about your villain and hero – The hero is a scared, kidnapped 9-year-old boy who figures out how to escape a shape-shifting cult of reptoids. The villain is a powerful female reptoid, leading the underground, shape-shifting cult with intentions of taking over Washington D.C. She and her partner have super-human powers.

3) Major twists –

a. As Ben’s parents watch TV in their temporary hotel, strange and eery messages start coming through their TV, revealing: they have Ben and they know where the parents are… but who? Why? How they used a tv?

b. Ben secretly records conversations of the reptoids’ plans and takes pictures of the underground complex, then sends his phone up on an elevator. He gets a copy of a reptoid palm print, and escapes using the palm reader. The authorities are alerted.

c. Aurora starts having feelings for Ben, heals him and starts dropping hints on

.

4) Character betrayals – Aurora vs Adronis: they have a plan to take over Washington from their underground, high-tech bunker. They have “pods” under London and Rome. This plan has been in the works for decades. But at the last minute, Aurora befriends Ben, and betrays Adronis by letting Ben escape rather than killing him—Ben takes all the human hostages with him..

5)

OTHER: In a surprise attack, the Washington PD, Fire Dept, and Secret Service commence flooding the underground base…Ben has already escaped with the other hostages. Aurora surrenders.

6) The reptoids….The powerful, shape-shifting reptoid, Aurora, once she is captured gives the young Ben all of her powers to heal and more. Ben then heals his sister…and family.

7) Adronis wants Ben dead, Aurora befriends him HOOK: leader wants Ben eliminated, in a twist, a female reptoid befriends him, provides a code for elevator

Ending: Aurora gives her healing power to Ben, who heals is nearly blind, little sister and protects his family.

Using those hooks as an outline, write a first draft of your synopsis:

Title: ELEVATOR DOWN

Genre: SCI-FI/SUSPENSE

SYNOPSIS:

Heathrow airport: Nine-year-old, Ben Shaeffer, sees all the pilots on a jet he’s about to board, get killed. But his parents don’t see anything and don’t believe him. But mysteriously, the jet is diverted from Atlanta to Washington D.C., where Ben is immediately kidnapped. Ironically, it was the same female flight attendant who assisted in the kidnapping.

He finds himself in a cell, deep in an underground bunker, operated by a group of powerful, shape-shifting reptoids. Their goal: to kidnap high profiled politicians, clone them, then send them up to control all facets of the power grid, government, and the military. Ben is simply collateral damage because of what he saw.

Adronis, the head reptoid wants Ben eliminated, but his female counterpart, Aurora, befriends the child, heals him, and gives him hints on how to escape. His parents are frantic as to his unknown whearabouts.

But as his parents watch TV in the local hotel, a strange and eerie message comes to them on the screen, letting them know they are being tracked….and they have Ben. But who sent the message? What is there agenda? Ben’s Mother is feeling terrorized!

Ben is able to get Aurora’s palm print, which eventually allows him to escape his cell to the elevator, while Aurora drops hints to Ben on the code to the elevator. She betrays Adronis and their mission by allowing Ben to escape.

Ben takes pictures on his phone, and recordings from the cult leaders, and sends the phone up on the elevator for authorities to find… the Reptoids are revealed.

Aurora has great powers and heals Ben’s lungs, and he wants her to heal his sister’s eyes someday, but we don’t know until the end whether or not Ben’s life is in danger from Adronis, or if he will escape, ushering the others out as well.

Ben is able to get all the information the FBI and secret service need, so they can flood the cult and capture all of the reptoids. Adronis escapes on a high-speed, underground shuttle.

Aurora gives herself up, and while in jail calls for Ben. Bens’ mother Jessica asked her to heal her daughter, but she calls for Ben instead. Aurora transfers her powers of healing to Ben.

Ben is now a brave, powerful young man who heals his sister and protects his family. Aurora’s powers are gone and she is shrivelled, dying creature.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned: I learned the key differences between the high concept, elevator pitch , and the logline. We have to have all three, and be ready with elevator pitch at all times — one never knows! The key is utilizing the best hooks of the script.

title: Elevator Down

genre: Thriller/Suspense

HIGH CONCEPT: A kidnapped young boy needs to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids, who are kidnapping and cloning world leaders for world dominance.

ELEVATOR PITCH: A young boy gets kidnapped by a shape-shifting cult of underground reptoids. They are cloning U.S. officials and sending them back up to the U.S. Capitol to control the power grid, the internet, and military. But one female reptoid develops compassion for the young boy and discreetly provides him some secret codes. He must now figure a way to escape and save all the hostages without being killed. He becomes a hero, and the cult is revealed and destroyed—their agenda for world domination thwarted.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s 10 Most Interesting Things

This was an excellent exercise, what I learned was to go deep into the story and extract out the key hooks. I learned what they were and how to clarify them as selling points.

A. What is most unique about your villain and hero? The hero is a scared 6-year-old boy who has serious breathing issues, which get resolved and he shows courage and becomes a hero against a group of villains. The villain is a reptoid, leading an underground, shape-shifting cult with intentions of taking over Washington D.C.

B. Major hook of your opening scene? Ben, the 9-year-old, see two pilots of a jetliner get murdered from the window of the boarding area. His parents believe he is telling a tall tale, but when they arrive at their destination, he is kidnapped by the replacement pilots and the hostess who served him.

C. Any turning points? Turning point, when he is kidnapped. Turning point, when a Senator takes an elevator to the first floor of the Capitol building, and finds it sailing hundreds of feet down to and underground bunker. Turning point, when Ben’s parents suddenly messages from the underground cult on their TV about Ben. Turning point, when the main villlian, a female reptoid, willingly allows Ben to escape, and thereby allowing all the hostages to escape.

D. Emotional dilemma? Either/or: The female reptoid leader, Aurora, develops affection for Ben….should she let him go and risk being exposed, or kill him as her partner, Adronis, mandates?

E. Major twists. Give us the Setup / Twist. In a twist, one early morning 4 swat team members sail down the elevator to the cult. With no one responding, they give the go ahead, and the secret service, CIA, and FBI proceed to flood the entire complex. Ben, and all those kidnapped, have magically already escaped. Also, at the end, Adronis escapes on a high speed, underground shuttle to Denver, DIA Pod. One other twist is that, instead of Aurora harming Ben, she actually heals his lungs, and throws away his inhaler.

F. Reversals? Aurora goes against a millenia-long agenda to take over the U.S. Capitol, and let’s Ben and the hostages escape, thereby destroying the plan. She develops a compassion for this little human.

State it powerfully as a “Setup / Reversal.”

G. Character betrayals? Aurora vs Adronis: they have a plan to take over Washington from their underground, high-tech bunker. This plan has been in the works for decades. But at the last minute, Aurora befriends the young human, Ben, and betrays Adronis by letting Ben escape, taking all the human hostages with him..

H. Or any big surprises? The powerful, shape-shifting reptoid,Aurora, once she is captured gives the young Ben all of her powers to heal and more. Ben escapes, reveals the cult, then heals his sister…and family.

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Producer/Manager

Imagine you have two meetings set up — with a producer and then with a manager. What would you say and do differently based upon this model?

Answer two questions:

1. Producer: Pitch my best script/story with the best hooks. Be ready to answer all questions, and I’m open to suggestions, changes. Let him/her know I’m available to rewrite/rework at any time. Be ready to pitch 2^nd script, and more concepts if asked.

2. Manager: Pitch my best script/story with the best hooks. Pitch myself as a writer with a number of concepts, and two completed scripts. Have a bio ready. Will emphasize this is my career, and want to sell many more scripts. I’m flexible with changes.

3. What I learned today is to remember who I am talking to, and pitching to, and remember the key differences between a producer and a manager. Manager will help me market my scripts, and wants to market for future work, a producer will produce the movie/series, hire directors, etc.

[Lonnie Nichols]

1. “ELEVATOR DOWN”, Thriller/Paranormal

A kidnapped young boy seeks to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids who kidnap and clone world leaders, then send them to the surface to take control of the governments and economy…solidifying their control matrix.

2. Very conspiratorial, in a popular sense. Also, the arc of the main characters: a) 9-year old Ben goes from a scared child to a brave hero, and b) female Reptoid leader goes from cold hearted, evil being to one who develops compassion.

3. Managers, now that I have two completed, they can market my scripts better, especially to the larger producers

4. I learned the importance of the pitch, targeting producers in this genre, and setting up a quality campaign to sell my scripts. I learned I need a better “campaign”

[Lonnie Nichols]

Hi Cara – yes, just a place holder. Depends on the producer, of course, I would try and be more specific, like naming the movies they’ve produced.

thanks for the feedback,! Lonnie

ps – yes, happy ending

[Lonnie Nichols]

I struggle with every logline I’ve eve done! but overall… it’s there for yours, just some minor tweeking

[Lonnie Nichols]

thanks for that feedback! talk tonight! Lon

[Lonnie Nichols]

Hi Karen – an excellent concept. There’s plenty of conflict in the story, but the query doesn’t quite reflect it.

One example could be revising the opening line or two, like: A teenage girl dreams of being the ballerina her mom was, but is forced to decorate cakes in her father shop. (a bit of conflict).

Another example..it’s very cool she won a scholarship. Did she struggle for years to get it? Was it from her dancing? grades? Since it’s a comedy maybe she wins a scholarship, unexpectedly for cake decorating, or something she doesn’t even like doing. #2: “Out of no where, she’s awarded a scholarship from a cake decorating contest at the state fair…she hates decorating cakes!

Maybe provide some conflicts and hooks because the story sure has them!

Just some thoughts, thanks, Lonnie Nichols

[Lonnie Nichols]

Hi Guil – The letter flows nicely. I would put a logline at the top or concept. Often that explains quite a lot, and gives you more space to go into another hook in the letter. Also, question: is Valenti a producer they know? Might help to describe Valenit (could be a crooked producer, one that used them, or a high profile one that can give them some money, etc.)

Just my thoughts.

note: I think the first line could be your concept, but most would have the protagonist in it, plus some action… ideally a conflict with a possible solution, or implied solution.

Lonnie Nichols

[Lonnie Nichols]

Hi Debra – I think this is very good. One comment on the concept is in the end: “…..her identity as she fights the invasion of not only her womb but of the earth.” Just wondering at the very end of the sentence it could be phrased to imply “fighting off those who want the fetus”, or something along those lines. It was little awkward for me to get the “….but of the earth.

Who else is she fighting? (I know after reading the letter).

I like the letter and how it flows after the concept. Just my thoughts, take care, Lonnie

[Lonnie Nichols]

Very nice, Deborah!

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s marketable Components: Unique, It’s A First, and possibly title

l learned what “market hooks” or bullets are, and how they are important when pitching to producers…know what they need!

1. “ELEVATOR DOWN” logline: A kidnapped young boy seeks to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids who kidnap and clone world leaders, then send them to the surface to take control of the governments and economy…solidifying their control matrix.

2. Unique: UNDERGROUND REPTOIDS CLONING HIGH PROFILE/POWERFUL PEOPLE TO SEND BACK TO CONTROL THE INTERNET AND THE POWER GRID

It’s a first: KIDNAPPING THROUGH A DEEP ELEVATOR AND THEN CLONING PEOPLE THEN

Great Title: ELEVATOR DOWN; ALTERNATE: REPTOID DOWN

3. UNIQUE: This concept hasn’t been used before to my knowledge: UNDERGROUND REPTOIDS CLONING HIGH PROFILE/POWERFUL PEOPLE TO SEND BACK TO CONTROL THE INTERNET AND THE POWER GRID. Combining the concept of reptilians doing this action makes it unique. This could be a big hit, as reptilians and underground civilizations are also a popular subject.

It’s a first: Same as #2: no other like it

Title: The title, “Elevator Down”, is unique and seems to “grab” people. It has action that is intriguing.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  Lonnie Nichols.