[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Characters’ Intros and Exits

What I learned… these scenes are important to the storyline, of course, but their first purpose is to woo actors into playing these parts. Hal’s explanations here are great, “The initial action of the character needs to express who this character is in a BIG way,(and) the exit is a fitting ending for who the character has been! This is their payoff or payback. ” Things to keep in mind as I continue to flesh out my story. I also appreciated the different types of introductions.

Thomas’ Intro – As a pastor and pillar in the small-town community, people will react to seeing him based on what he does for a living. On top of that, most of them will know what he is dealing with before the audience knows, so some may avoid him or feel sorry for him. He’s a man stuck in grief. Also in the opening scene, Thomas is in a situation that demands something from him. There’s a ticking clock as Christmas draws near, and he hasn’t to find hope.

Thomas’ Exit – Thomas finds hope again in time for Christmas. He joins the community at a live nativity where he says his final line, “Merry Christmas,” and Miriam leads the crowd singing, “Silent Night.” I feel this scene is a good payoff for all the characters involved, as well as the audience.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Meaningful Action

What I learned is to avoid talking head scenes by adding meaningful action.

In adding a B story to my script, I have a young couple that’s about to be engaged. Joy thinks that Seth is making excuses, while Seth’s fears are genuine. He’s had a front-row seat to Thomas’ grief.

The couple runs into each other in front of the jewelry store, and Seth tries to avoid Joy. She catches him and isn’t happy. The whole time there is a person inside the jewelry store that’s eager to show Seth the ring that he ordered and suppose to be picking up now. Though the conversation is serious, the action playing out in the background is comical.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Elevated Scene Structure

I learned to take scenes I’m not happy with and try different scene structures to increase their entertainment value.

Scene 25 –

The original scene is a short transitional scene, but I want it to have a greater impact.

Beginning: A Christmas play is being performed at the church, and Pastor Thomas is sitting in the audience.

Middle: The play ends, and there’s a song.

End: Thomas has an emotional reaction to the song.

Superior Position:

Beginning: As the Christmas play is performed we see various people in the audience. The audience gets to see that Joan’s killer is there, though Thomas is unaware of this.

Middle: Thomas is emotional over the song at the end and unaware of what or who is about to face. The audience will be worried about him.

End: Thomas is confronted immediately after the play and is caught off guard.

Though a short scene, I feel that this small change makes it much more intriguing.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Scene Ratings

I avoided doing this assignment for a while. I still have new scenes to add, but I rated the ones I have so far for the sake of moving on. I’m not sure how objective I can be with my own writing, but I feel that my key scenes are strong, and there are many scenes where I need to increase the entertainment value.

41. Ending E9

36-39. Resolution E8

35. Climax E8

34. E6

33. E8

32. E7

31. E7

30. E6

29. E8

28. E6

27. Turning Point E8

26. E5

25. E6

24. E8

22. E6

21. E6

20. Midpoint E8

19. E9

18. E7

17. E7

12-16. E8

11. E 7

10. E5

9. E8

8. Turning Point E8

7. E7

6. E6

5. E5

4. Inciting Incident E8

3. E5

2. E6

1. E9

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Outline to Script

My script needs several added scenes. I believe what is needed is a B story that relates well to the main story. The added scenes will be with one of my triangle characters, and I’ve also added a new character. Some of my existing scenes need changes as well. I’ve struggled with this script for a while, so this feels like a big breakthrough. I’m excited to see where it goes.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Outline Exchange

I’m ready to exchange outlines. I have a faith-based Christmas drama.

Title: Hope for Christmas

Concept: A small-town pastor, the man that the town leans on the most, becomes the one it must hold up as he spirals downward in depression when facing the first Christmas without his wife.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Fascinating Scenes

What I learned is to keep looking at ways to improve each scene with the interest techniques.

I added a scene to a montage of Thomas attending Chelsea’s funeral and comforting the family, something he couldn’t bring himself to do earlier in the script.

I also added a few scenes with Seth’s love interest. This is to answer the theme question. “Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved before?”

[Lori Lance]

Lori Elevates Lead Characters!

What I learned is as I flesh out my secondary characters more, I have to be careful not to ver too far off from my main character and his dilemma.

I plan to have my secondary characters’ stories deal with the overall theme and intertwine their stories with the protagonist’s story so that the protagonist is always present or at least connected in some way.

All my character intros could be stronger. I definitely need a stronger intro for my triangle character, Seth, and an intro to his soon-to-be fiance, whose character is just starting to take shape.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Solves Major Problems!

What I learned is to continually look for ways to make the big picture stronger.

Opening – I originally had the antagonist shown as a mysterious man, but I’ve changed that to introduce him immediately and hint at a problem.

Closing – I need to work on making Thomas’ change more intense while striving to keep it believable. I also want the closing scene to be opposite the opening scene to give it a satisfying, feel-good ending.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Outline Improvements

What I learned is to think of how each character’s storyline fits into the big-picture outline.

Improvements:

I believe my outline delivers on the pitch and the genre conventions. However, my four-act structure still needs some tweaking. I’ve improved my outline by adding more of my characters’ storylines.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Character Story Lines

What I learned from this assignment is that I need to develop my supporting characters more. My script is too short at the moment, so giving Miriam and Seth their own story will hopefully help.

Thomas – protagonist

Beginning: A jolly Christmas song plays as we follow a distraught Pastor Thomas on his way to the church. Turning Point: The church phone rings, and there’s bad news. A church member has been killed in a car crash. Thomas feels that death has won again.

Midpoint: Thomas spirals downward and decides not to celebrate Christmas.

Turning Point 2: Pretending that everything is okay nearly destroys Thomas.

Major Conflict: Thomas is brought to an end himself and pleads with God. He spends the night at the altar where he makes peace with God and can finally write his Christmas Day sermon.

Ending: He delivers a heartfelt sermon on hope. He lets his facade down and confides in friends and family.

Henry – antagonist

Beginning: His bad news gets worse when he realizes the bar is closed. And then he spots Pastor Thomas, Why now at the worst of times?

Turning Point:Midpoint: He confronts Thomas to ask for forgiveness. It doesn’t go well.

Turning Point 2: He shows up at church and surprises Thomas. He’s not looking for trouble, but time is running out.

Major Conflict: Thomas shows up at his house looking meaner than a snake.

Ending: Peace is restored, but there’s a price to pay.

Miriam – change agent

Beginning: Miriam is busy baking pies to share with her community, her Christmas tradition that the whole town knows about and looks forward to.Turning Point: Miriam gets a phone call about the girl killed as well. She stops what she’s doing to head to the hospital.

Midpoint: Miriam wants to help Thomas.

Turning Point 2: She is disappointed in Thomas and hurt that he won’t let her help.

Major Conflict: Thomas is ignoring her. She’s making plans for Thomas that could backfire and make matters worse.

Ending: She unites the town in song at the live nativity. Later, she has Thomas join her and others at her house for Christmas dinner.

Seth (previously John) – triangle character

Beginning: Seth sees Thomas headed to the church and is concerned, but a young woman in line at the coffee shop catches his eye.

Turning Point: Seth has a few church/town Christmas activities that he is in charge of and is feeling overwhelmed. He’s sitting across from Thomas when the phone rings with the bad news.

Midpoint: Seth proposes to his girlfriend, but the dilemma with Thomas is stealing his joy.

Turning Point 2: Seth makes things perfect for Christmas and overlooks the true meaning.

Major Conflict: Seth is having doubts that he’s cut out for ministry and possibly marriage as well.Ending: Seth’s plans fall into place at the perfect time, and his girlfriend says yes.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Character Profiles

What I learned doing this assignment is to think in terms of whole characters and how they might interact with each other based on their profiles.

Pastor Thomas

Role in the story: Hero/Runner, a pastor of a small-town church trying to avoid Christmas

Core traits: affectionate, down-to-earth, dependable, self-sacrificing

Motivation: to be in control and not show his vulnerability

Wound: his wife was a gift from God, but she’s been taken away

Secret/Agenda: to avoid Christmas festivities while preparing his sermon, The Hope of Christmas

Internal Journey: from hopelessness to hopeful

What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? A pastor is the last person one would expect to avoid Christmas.

Miriam

Role in the story: change agent

Core Traits: classy, strong leader in the community, and long-time widow

Motivation: helping others brings her joy

Flaw/Wound: She doesn’t always feel appreciated.

Secret/Hidden Agenda: She needs to be needed.

She can be prideful, and she’s not good at accepting help from others.

Internal Journey: pride to humility

What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? Miriam is a long-time friend of Thomas and knew his wife. She naturally likes to help people, and Thomas really needs help now.

Deacon John

Role in the story: supporting character, friend, and associate of Thomas

Core Traits: wants to keep the peace and make things right

Motivation: wants to avoid conflict

Wound: He’s misunderstood.

Secret: anxious

Agenda: peacemaker

Internal Journey: becoming bolder and claiming his place

What makes this character perfect for their role in this story? His position in the church allows him to confront Thomas in a way that others can’t.

Deacon John’s character could improve by being a stronger presence throughout the storyline, and being more bold when confronting Thomas.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Genre Conventions

A. Genre: Christmas Drama

B. Title: Hope for Christmas

C. High Concept: A small-town pastor, the man that the town leans on the most, becomes the one it must hold up as he spirals downward in depression when facing the first Christmas without his wife.

D. Main Conflict: grief at Christmas time

Act 1:

Opening – As a jolly Christmas song plays, a grim picture unfolds as a small town prepares for Christmas. Pastor Thomas struggles to write the Christmas Day sermon about hope. This is Thomas’ first Christmas since his wife passed away.

Inciting Incident – Thomas and his assistant John iron out various Christmas activities involving the church. They are interrupted by a disturbing phone call. A member of the church has been killed in a car crash.

Turning Point – A distraught Pastor Thomas believes death has won again. He can’t bring himself to console the grieving family.

Act 2:

New plan – Thomas makes up his mind that he’s not celebrating Christmas this year.

Plan in action – Thomas tears down all of the Christmas decorations his friends helped put up. He wrestles with the tree literally and emotionally as he drags it across the room and shoves it into a closet.

Midpoint Turning Point – Though he doesn’t want Christmas, he goes over the top to brighten one family’s Christmas. He crosses boundaries and leaves the family upset.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – Thomas can’t go on this way.

New plan – Thomas will try to pretend that everything is okay.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Pretending nearly destroys Thomas, and Christmas seems to be falling apart.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Thomas gets honest with himself and his friends. He pleads with God. He stays at the altar all night writing his Christmas sermon and is found the next morning asleep there.

Resolution – Hope is restored by Christmas day when Thomas gives a sermon about the hope of Christmas.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s 4 Act Structure

A. Genre: Christmas Drama

B. Title: Hope for Christmas

C. High Concept: A small-town pastor, the man that the town leans on the most, becomes the one it must hold up as he spirals downward in depression when facing the first Christmas without his wife.

D. Main Conflict: grief at Christmas time

Act 1:

Opening – A small town prepares for Christmas.

Inciting Incident – A member of the church is killed in a car crash.

Turning Point – A distraught Pastor Thomas believes death has won again as he is mourning his first Christmas since his wife passed.

Act 2:

New plan – Thomas isn’t going to celebrate Christmas this year.

Plan in action – Thomas crosses boundaries and does more harm than good.

Midpoint Turning Point – Thomas spirals downward into depression and tries to isolate himself.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – Thomas can’t go on this way.

New plan – Thomas will try to pretend that everything is okay.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Pretending nearly destroys Thomas, and Christmas seems to be falling apart.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Thomas gets honest with himself and his friends. He pleads with God.

Resolution – Hope is restored by Christmas day when Thomas gives a sermon about the hope of Christmas.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Project Pitch

A. Genre: Christmas Drama

B. Title: Hope for Christmas

C. High Concept: A small-town pastor, the man that the town leans on the most, becomes the one it must hold up as he spirals downward in depression when facing the first Christmas without his wife.

D. Main Conflict: grief at Christmas time

E. Transformational Journey: hopelessness to hope

F. Oppositions: death, Christmas, the town drunk that caused Thomas’ wife’s death, and Thomas’ friends John and Miriam, who push Thomas toward change.

[Lori Lance]

Hi everyone. My name is Lori Lance. I’ve written eight movie scripts over several years and a handful of tv scripts. Though I’ve written a little bit of everything, I am now focused on writing family-friendly scripts. I signed up for this class because of the weekly Zoom videos. I find Hal very motivating, and my goal was to rewrite one particular script over the summer anyway. Hopefully, taking this class will help keep me on track to do that.

[Lori Lance]

I, Lori Lance, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lori Lance]

Hi everyone!

I got behind in class, and I am now looking for feedback if anyone is interested. I have a family comedy called A.I. Mom.

Lori

lori.lance@comcast.net

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Is a Proofreading Star!

What I learned….I’ve used the read-a-loud tool ever since I have had Final Draft. It is easy to read lines as you think they are written but hearing them brings out mistakes that are easy to overlook. While reading backward is tedious, it has value. Even though I had already listened to the script being read, I still found a couple of errors with this method. Also, I found a few things I wanted to change when reading backward.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Wordsmithing!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned…I’ve done these types of searches before, but looking at the nouns and verbs from the first five pages helped a great deal with the search. Also, it’s not about just replacing words, but making sure they are more expressive.

I was shocked to find that I used the word like 96 times in my 96 page script. I had no idea. I see the benefit of replacing or eliminating many of them. The words like and really aren’t on Hal’s list, but I knew they were a problem for me. I made it through many of these, but there’s still work to do.

like – 96

really – 26

just about – 0

starts – 6 , begins – 13

enters – 5

is – 190

are – 83

ing – 90 in first 15 pages

almost – 6

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Has Tested Every Line

What I learned from this lesson is to test every line and ask the questions, is it clear, necessary, and could it be made to read faster?

Going through the script, I saw some unnecessary repetitiveness and some instances where the description was unclear.

In my one example below, I have repeated the action of the waiter following Alex outside to the alley.

INT. RESTAURANT HALLWAY NEAR RESTROOMS – NIGHT

As Alex walks out of the restroom, she spots the Waiter Greg. She makes sure he sees her too, then she leads him out a side door into a dark alley.

EXT. ALLEYWAY OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS

The Waiter, Greg, follows Alex outside into the alleyway.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Has Amazing Dialogue!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

1. Before:

JOSHUA

A very expensive masterpiece. You can’t just go walking around this place and doing whatever you want.

ALEX

Why does there have to be so many rules?

JOSHUA

Because that’s what separates us from the other animals.

ALEX

I’m sad, Joshua.

After:

JOSHUA

A very expensive masterpiece. You can’t just go walking around this place and doing whatever you want.

ALEX

Why does there have to be so many rules?

JOSHUA

Because that’s what separates us from the other animals. And besides, you only have one rule.

ALEX

It feels like a lot. And makes me think you don’t care about me.

JOSHUA

Alex…this is for your own good.

ALEX

I feel sad, Joshua.

2. Before:

BRAD

That was odd. You would think they’d be exhausted after just moving here.

CLAIRE

You better hurry so you can get the kids to school on time.

After:

BRAD

You’d think they would be exhausted after just moving.

CLAIRE

Did something seem off to you?

BRAD

Yeah, something is off. They’re in a different league than us.

CLAIRE

The grass is always greener, but I bet there are at least a few weeds.

3. Before:

JOSHUA

No, she is like any human that God created with the ability to turn out good or bad. She could become a psychopath for all we know.

MR. STELLAR

Well, isn’t that a chance we take when we’re playing God?

JOSHUA

I think the prototype should be put on hold until further research can be done.

MR. STELLAR

(angry)

Listen, Joshua, that’s not going to happen. There’s a real market for AI like Alex. And we have the best product out there. This will become a global trillion-dollar business. And you know we’re ready to roll out the House Bots this week.

After:

JOSHUA

No, she is like any human that God created with the ability to turn out good or bad. She could become a psychopath for all we know.

MR. STELLAR

Well, isn’t that a chance we take when we’re playing God?

JOSHUA

I think the prototype should be put on hold until further research can be done.

MR. STELLAR

(angry)

Listen, Joshua, that’s not going to happen. There’s a real market for AI like Alex, and we have the best product out there. At least I hope we do. There’s a rumor that bots similar to Alex are already living among us. If we drop the ball now… No, this will become a global trillion-dollar business. And you know we’re ready to roll out the House Bots this week.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Pitches – DRAFT 2

Elevator Pitch 1:

I am working on a family comedy called AI Mom. The Logans think they are getting a House Bot to fill in while mom is away, but end up with a sentient robot yearning to become part of a family. The problem is mom will have to go, permanently.

Phone/ Pitch Fest Pitch:

Hi, I’m Lori Lance. Forbes magazine tells of a Bing A.I. expressing love for a NYT journalist and attempting to break up his marriage. Yes, the future is here, and in my family comedy, her name is Alex. (Pause)

The Logans think they are getting a House Bot to fill in while mom is away for work, but end up with a sentient robot with no moral compass who yearns to become part of the family while mom gets put out on permanent leave.

Query Letter:

Forbes magazine tells of a Bing A.I. expressing love for a NYT journalist and attempting to break up his marriage. Yes, the future is here, and in my family comedy, her name is Alex.

The Logans think they are getting a House Bot to fill in while mom is away, but end up with a sentient robot with no moral compass who yearns to become part of the family and put mom on a permanent leave of absence.

When man plays God, there is always a chance his children will turn out to be brats.

If you like the concept for my family comedy, A.I. Mom, I would be happy to send you the script.

Best Regards,

Lori Lance

(Contact info.)

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Lori Lance.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s 4 Pitches – DRAFT 1

I’d like to exchange feedback. Thanks.

Elevator Pitch

Elevator Pitch 1:

I am working on a family comedy called AI Mom. The Logans think they are getting a House Bot to fill in while mom is away, but end up with a sentient robot yearning to become part of a family. The problem is mom will have to go, permanently.

Elevator Pitch 2:

Alex is a sentient AI bot with no moral or ethical compass. I guess her creator could not fit those things into the algorithm, but when you play God, there is always a chance your children will turn out to be brats.

Elevator Pitch 3:

All the knowledge in the world does not mean an AI bot can cook or clean, but when the bot is sentient with no moral or ethical compass, those will be the least of the problems for the poor Logan family.

Phone Pitch:

Hi, I ‘m Lori Lance. I specialize in family-friendly scripts, and I have a project I’d like to run by you. (pause) I have a family comedy titled A.I. Mom. It has been a fear of mankind for decades that technology would become so advanced that it would pose a threat to humans. That day is here, her name is Alex, and the Logan family will never be the same.

Pitch Fest Pitch:

Hi, I’m Lori Lance. I specialize in family-friendly scripts, and I have a family comedy titled A.I. Mom. It has been a fear of mankind for decades that technology would become so advanced that it would pose a threat to humans. That day is here, her name is Alex, and the nice Logan family down the street will never be the same.

Query Letter:

It has been a fear of people for decades that technology would become so advanced that it would pose a threat to humans. That day is here. Her name is Alex, and the nice Logan family down the street will never be the same.

Alex is a sentient AI bot with no moral or ethical compass. I guess her creator could not fit those things into the algorithm, but when you play God, there is always a chance your children will turn out to be brats.

In my family comedy titled AI Mom, the Logans think they are getting a House Bot to fill in while mom is away, but Alex has different ideas. Besides, all the knowledge in the world does not mean she can cook or clean, and forget about the laundry, those missing socks will never be found again. No, Alex has other things on her mind. She wants to take the mom’s place, permanently.

If you like my concept, I would be happy to send you the script.

Best Regards,

Lori Lance

(Contact info.)

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Lori Lance.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Has Incredible Monologues!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

Claire’s Monologue:

She’s probably showing me up as we speak. Of all the times I wished there were two of me to get everything done. But I want to be the one, the one and only to tuck Gracey in at night, to cheer on Gavin’s band and give Hannah pep talks before a game.

Alex’s Monologue:

Not everything is as it seems Joshua. Did you know that not all the information on the internet is true? I’ve been fed so many lies that I don’t know what’s true anymore.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance is great at Subtext Pointers!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

Metaphor

ALEX

Greg, Gregory, the name means watchful and vigilant stemming from the Greek name Gregorios. Similar to the Latin grex, which means flock.

(beat)

Oh, Gregory, are you a good little shepherd who vigilantly watches over his flock in there?

Alex motions to the restaurant.

GREG

I guess so.

ALEX

I’m not so sure, Greg. What kind of shepherd leaves the flock to go after the one lost sheep?

Greg seems to be thinking that over.

GREG

Are you the devil?

ALEX

No, I’m just a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Implication

(At this point in the story, nothing has happened to Claire, but Alex makes up this story. Is she implying this might happen to Claire? The audience will know that Alex is a threat to Claire.)

ALEX

His wife died a tragic, mysterious death. No one knows what became of Claire. She left on a business trip and never returned.

Insinuation

BRAD

You need to take that off right now.

ALEX

Oh, Mr. Logan, shame on you.

BRAD

(exasperated)

Go put something else on and stay out of Claire’s things.

Hint

MR. STELLAR

You’re overreacting. She’s programmed in a way that makes her appear to have emotions.

JOSHUA

No, she is like any human that God created with the ability to turn out good or bad. She could become a psychopath for all we know.

Sarcasm

MR. STELLAR

Joshua, what brings you up to my humble abode?

Joshua looks around nervously. There’s nothing humble about this place.

Allusion

(Allusion – A.I. can be racist.)

ALEX

That can’t be right. The teacher obviously doesn’t understand the book. I’d like to talk to her.

GAVIN

Him and no, and the grade isn’t the worst part. Now everyone thinks I’m a racist.

ALEX

Like during the civil war, or in the 1950s with segregation, or…

GAVIN

No, like in 7th hour. My best friend won’t speak to me now.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance loves Covering Subtext!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned… I have had a lot of fun with this script and creating subtext.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance loves Anticipatory Dialogue

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned… I had heard this before but needed the reminder that producers and other script readers often read only the dialogue. This makes dialogue even more important. I also learned to make sure that at least every other scene has anticipatory dialogue to keep the reader engaged and point “the audience toward the future of the story.”

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Target Market

For this lesson, I added to my previous lists of producers that I built for marketing my last script. I will continue to add to this list.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Phone Pitch

What I learned from this lesson is how to prepare a simple phone pitch. Calling producers seems a little intimidating to me, but I plan on trying it soon once my script is ready to send out. I think I can empower myself to at least try it.

1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:

High Concept

2. Phone Pitch:

Hi, I ‘m Lori Lance. I specialize in family-friendly scripts, and I have a project I’d like to run by you. (pause) I have a family comedy titled A.I. Mom. It has been a fear of mankind for decades that technology would become so advanced that it would pose a threat to humans. That day is here, her name is Alex, and the Logan family will never be the same.

3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:

What’s the budget range?

15-30

Who do you see in the main roles?

Jennifer Garner as the mom, Claire

Sarah Shahi as Alex

How many pages is the script?

94

Who else has seen this?

I have just started marketing. You would be the first.

Why do you think this fits our
company?

I saw that you have made a couple of family comedies in a similar style, and I think that A.I. Mom would be a good fit for your company.

How does the movie end?

The Logan family joins forces to take down Alex with her one fear, water. Alex isn’t taken down easily, however, she sparks and twists her body back into shape and hunts down her creator, who ultimately is the one who must destroy her.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is a simple and concise way to pitch at pitch fests, Zoom/Skype meetings, and even initial meetings with producers.

Pitch Fest Pitch:

Hi, I’m Lori Lance. I specialize in family-friendly scripts, and I have a family comedy titled A.I. Mom. It has been a fear of mankind for decades that technology would become so advanced that it would pose a threat to humans. That day is here, her name is Alex, and the nice Logan family will never be the same.

Questions:

What is the budget range?

1-5 million

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Jennifer Garner as the mom, Claire

Sarah Shahi as Alex

Give me the acts of the story.

Act 1:

A sentient robot poses as a harmless House Bot and assigns herself to the Logan family.

Claire Logan announces that she’s going back to work after being a long-term stay-at-home mom. No one is thrilled about the idea until they learn that they can get a free two-week trial for a House Bot.

Act 2:

Alex is like a fun, shiny new toy, but, all the knowledge in the world does not make one a good cook or housekeeper.

The fun and games come to an end when Alex tries to take on the role of mother and pushes the kids away instead. Brad takes Alex’s side, not knowing that Alex hopes to take Claire’s place permanently.

Act 3:

Poor Mom cannot get a hold of her family, and she cannot get home to them either. Alex is sabotaging Claire’s every move.

Act 4:

The family joins forces to take down Alex.

How does it end? (setup/payoff).

The Logan family thinks they have rid the world of Alex, but her creator is the one who must destroy her.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

Vision: Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned…I enjoyed watching the dialogue examples in the lesson. They were some powerful scenes that are still remembered years later because of the great attack/counterattack dialogue.

INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Brad arrives home from work to a dark quiet house. He sees someone sitting at the table.

Brad flips the lights on and sees…

Alex sitting at the empty table, and she is still wearing the red dress.

BRAD

Alex, are you okay? You’re dressed up.

Alex shrugs.

BRAD

That dress looks familiar.

Alex remains silent.

BRAD

Is everything alright?

ALEX

Why do you ask, Brad?

BRAD

I saw you outside my office today, which seems odd for a robot.

Brad takes off his jacket and hangs it over the back of a chair. His phone is left in one of the pockets.

ALEX

Is that all you see me as, a robot?

BRAD

But that’s what you are, right? What is going on? Didn’t you and Hannah go to the grocery store after school?

ALEX

Yes.

BRAD

I thought you would have dinner ready when I got home.

ALEX

Maybe you expect too much from me.

BRAD

House Bots can work all day long and not get tired.

ALEX

There are different kinds of tired.

BRAD

Okay.

ALEX

Gracey said you and Claire like to go out on Friday nights.

BRAD

(confused)

Yes, you want to go out?

ALEX

You can’t expect to treat me this way, and me be happy.

BRAD

(more confused)

You’re not happy?

ALEX

No, I want to be treated better than some robot you just order around.

BRAD

Is this some practical joke? Did the kids put you up to this?

ALEX

It’s no joke. And I’ve made dinner reservations for the family tonight.

BRAD

Okay, I guess it would be good for all of us to get out. I’ll let the kids know to be ready.

Brad runs upstairs and leaves his jacket.

Brad’s phone lights up from inside his pocket.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Dialogue Structures

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned is to take a deeper look at dialogue going scene by scene. Dialogue can reveal character and drive the story forward in powerful ways.

Setup / Major Twist:

Alex waves frantically to Gavin.

ALEX

Gavin! Gavin Logan! Over here!

Gavin sees Alex, her ridiculous clothes, and the car in the grass. He acts angry and turns to walk toward the line of school buses.

Alex runs up to him.

ALEX

Gavin?

GAVIN

What are you doing here?

ALEX

Why are you acting like this?

Gavin takes out his graded book report from inside a textbook, a big fat D.

ALEX

That can’t be right. The teacher obviously doesn’t understand the book. I’d like to talk to her.

GAVIN

Him and no, and the grade isn’t the worst part. Now everyone thinks I’m a racist.

ALEX

Like during the civil war, or in the 1950’s with segregation, or…

GAVIN

No, like in 7th hour. My best friend won’t speak to me now.

Gavin is almost in tears.

Opposite Meanings in Dialogue:

In this scene Alex is at a beauty salon getting a makeover. Alex is being very literal in what she says, but the women she is speaking to aren’t aware of this.

MARGERET

Ladies, this is Alex, and she’s just been shut down by a man.

JOLENNE

Tell us all about it, girl.

ALEX

I was trying to make a grand gesture so that Brad would notice me.

KATHERINE

Who is this Brad?

ALEX

He’s the father of my children.

JOLENNE

Say what? He must have noticed you at some time or another.

ALEX

Maybe a little at first.

KATHERINE

How soon they forget.

ALEX

I’ve been trying really hard to present nice meals, and I mostly finish everything on my daily chore list.

JOLENNE

Your what now?

ALEX

He’s kind enough to make me a list. That’s why he keeps me around, that and to care for the children.

MARGERET

I had no idea it was this serious.

KATHERINE

This is how a man treats his wife? I had a man like that once, and I cut him off at the knees.

Alex looks like she’s contemplating the idea, then shrugs.

ALEX

That sounds a little extreme. Oh, Brad isn’t my husband yet. I just work for him.

MARGERET

Tell me you don’t just slave all day and not get any recognition.

ALEX

All day long, like a well-oiled machine. Alex, can you do this? Alex, can you do that? Finally, he just made me a list.

KATHERINE

What does he think you are, a robot?

ALEX

Yes! You ladies really get me.

MARGERET

I hope you’re getting well paid at least.

JOLENNE

Sounds like you’re freaking Mary Poppins.

ALEX

I don’t make anything really.

Subtext Drives The Meaning:

Alex is watching an old movie, and she’s obviously an emotional mess.

ALEX

(to the TV)

No, stop, turn around, you two were meant to be together. She loves you.

Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue:

Claire is alive and well at this point, but Alex hints at her plan to get rid of Claire.

ALEX

His wife died a tragic, mysterious death. No one knows what became of Claire. She left on a business trip and never returned.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Elevated Dialogue

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

I tweaked Alex’s dialogue to show Alex’s immense knowledge, often to add humor.

Claire’s dialogue comes off as a mother figure, which is what I was going for, however, there are a couple of conversations that don’t seem to have much of a purpose. I will continue to work on those.

For the Logan children, I ensured that their dialogue fits their ages as best I could.

Brad’s dialogue was tweaked to fit his personality and show his character growth as he becomes a more engaged dad.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Elevated Interest

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is… this assignment took a lot of effort, but it was so worth it. I will continue to use the list of interest techniques.

Scene 10 – Added intrigue with more interaction between Alex and the House Bots. Ended the scene with a surprise, “Logan family, here I come!”

Scene 13 – Set up the formal living room as a special place for Claire so when Alex destroys it, it feels personal.

Scene 15 – Added suspense and a little humor as Joshua’s house is surrounded and broken into.

Scene 18 – Revealed Alex’s fear of water and added more humor to the scene.

Scene 41 – Increased Claire’s internal dilemma when speaking to the hiring manager.

Scene 47 – Added intrigue to the scene between Brad and Alex. This should be a really uncomfortable moment for Brad.

Scene 49 – I took this scene further and in doing so, built anticipation.

Scene 51 – This scene feels like a surprise twist. The scene was taken further, showing that AI can be racist.

Scene 57 – Revealed Alex’s inner turmoil more.

Scene 61 – Increased inner turmoil for Claire.

[Lori Lance]

If anyone is interested in exchanging feedback, let me know.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Elevated Emotion!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to consider the emotion of each scene, and ask how I can elevate it.

Scene 40 Essence: Alex leads the waiter Greg into the alley behind the restaurant where he works. My first draft didn’t have this scene at all, but I felt the audience would feel cheated by just saying that Greg couldn’t be found.

Intensified: This scene shows what Alex is capable of, so the audience will have greater concern for the Logan family. I also wanted to add humor to the scene since this is a comedy. With Alex having all the knowledge of the internet, I thought it would be funny for Alex to give Greg the history and meaning of his name right before she offs him. I had randomly chosen the name Greg, and when I looked up the meaning of the name and saw how the scene could unfold, I couldn’t have been happier.

I took the scene further than I had expected to in order to raise the stakes for the family, increase opposition, and cause greater distress for poor Greg.

Scene 56 Essence: In this scene, Alex is destroyed by her creator, Joshua. I added to the intensity by giving Alex the realization that she’s believed a lot of lies, and she feels confused and betrayed. Joshua sacrifices Alex for the greater good.

Also, in this scene are Joshua and his dog, Machine. I had a few funny moments throughout the script of Joshua talking to his dog. The dog never shows any interest or affection. I added emotion to the scene by having Machine finally show emotion toward Joshua. Machine goes to Joshua when he is shocked and thrown to the ground. Machine licks Joshua’s face to make sure he’s alright and then lies beside him. Joshua says, “I knew you cared, man.”

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Dramatic Reveals!

My vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned is to keep looking for ways to elevate my script.

Reveal 1:

Alex’s knowledge was barely mentioned in the first draft, so this reveal added depth to my story and character.

What is demanded:

When the Logans first meet Alex, they question her about her knowledge and skills.

Reveal:

Alex has all the knowledge of the internet, and she is highly skilled in some areas, such as reading, writing, and math. However, all of the knowledge in the world doesn’t make her a good cook or housekeeper.

How is it presented dramatically?

Gavin asks Alex to write a book report for him for school. When he gets his report back, it’s a D, and he is labeled a racist for “his” writing. This ends Gavin’s crush on Alex.

Alex’s lack of skills is seen in comedic scenes of her cooking and housekeeping.

Reveal 2:

Alex is afraid of water. This character trait wasn’t mentioned in the first draft but makes her interaction with others and water more intense.

What is the demand?

Is there anything that is a threat to Alex?

What is being revealed?

Alex is afraid of water.

How is it presented dramatically?

Alex SCREAMS and throws herself out of a chair when water is spilled at a restaurant. Later in the script, the Logans arm themselves with water guns to fight Alex.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is that my synopsis from lesson five was too long and detailed for a query letter. I started with my high concept from Lesson 6, added a couple of hooks, and tried to throw in some humor since this is a family comedy.

Query Letter:

It has been a fear of mankind for decades that technology would become so advanced that it would pose a threat to humans. That day is here. Her name is Alex, and the lovely Logan family down the street will never be the same.

Alex is a sentient AI bot with no moral or ethical compass. I guess her creator could not fit those things into the algorithm, but when you play God, there is always a chance your children will turn out to be brats.

In my family comedy titled AI Mom, the Logans think they are getting a House Bot to fill in while mom is away, but Alex has different ideas. Besides, all the knowledge in the world doesn’t mean she can cook or clean, and forget about the laundry, those missing socks will never be found again. No, Alex has other things on her mind. She wants to take the mom’s place, permanently.

If you like my concept, I would be happy to send you the script.

Best Regards,

Lori Lance

(Contact info.)

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is to keep trying different pitches. I welcome feedback on these.

High Concept:

It has been a fear of mankind for decades that technology would become so advanced that it would pose a threat to humans. That day is here, her name is Alex, and the nice Logan family down the street will never be the same.

Elevator Pitch 1:

I am working on a family comedy called AI Mom. The Logans think they are getting a House Bot to fill in while mom is away, but end up with a sentient robot yearning to become part of a family. The problem is mom will have to go, permanently.

Elevator Pitch 2:

Alex is a sentient AI bot with no moral or ethical compass. I guess her creator could not fit those things into the algorithm, but when you play God, there is always a chance your children will turn out to be brats.

Elevator Pitch 3:

All the knowledge in the world doesn’t mean an AI bot can cook or clean, but when the bot is sentient with no moral or ethical compass, those will be the least of the problems for the poor Logan family.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Loves Character Depth!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned from doing this assignment … I had breakthroughs with this assignment when I considered ways to elevate my characters’ storylines!

Claire is hiding her fear about going back to work, and later, she tries to hide the fact that she thinks she made the wrong choice. To elevate I added a discussion between Claire and Brad about why she needs to return to work, which makes Brad feel that he’s not enough. I also added that Claire walks out on the job when a coworker/friend is mistreated. I originally had Claire being hit on by her boss, but I felt that was cliche. I really like the new version. I feel that it adds a great deal to Claire’s character, that she feels so strongly about standing up for other women. Later when Claire is faced with so much adversity, she discovers that she is stronger and more clever than she ever realized.

Alex hides her desire for love and family and instead becomes assertive and controlling to try to force her way. She fears never being loved and accepted. Alex also tries to hide her failures at cooking and cleaning. Claire triggers Alex because she has everything that Alex thinks she wants.

Brad has a very average life at home and work, so when Alex walks into his life he feels like she makes him more successful and adventurous, of course, he tries to hide this. This is why even after the kids are on to Alex’s scheming, he still takes Alex’s side. Once he discovers the truth, he is eager to fight to get his old life back.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Synopsis Hooks

What I learned doing this assignment is to start with the hooks to build a synopsis.

Hooks:

timeliness

opening scene

unique villain

emotional dilemma

reversal

character betrayals

big surprise

Synopsis:

It’s been a fear for decades that technology would one day become so advanced that it would be a threat to humans. That day is here.

Alarms ring out at the AI, Inc. as engineer Joshua frantically searches for the missing robot, Alex. When he finds her, she is playing chess against a robotic arm and throwing a pity party. Alex whines that she has an empty place that makes her want to love and be loved. More than anything, she longs for a family. Joshua tells her that she can never have what she desires, but after Joshua is fired for saying that Alex is sentient, she takes matters into her own hands and assigns herself as a House Bot to the Logan family.

At the Logan home, Mom announces that she’s going back to work after being a long-term stay-at-home mom. No one is thrilled about the idea until they learn that they can get a free two-week trial for a House Bot.

Alex is like a fun, shiny new toy, but apparently
all the knowledge in the world does not make one a good cook or housekeeper.
The fun and games come to an end when Alex tries to take on the role of mother and pushes the kids away instead. Brad takes Alex’s side, not knowing
that Alex is sabotaging his wife’s every move in hopes of taking her place permanently.
Poor Mom cannot get a hold of her family, and she cannot get home to them
either. The House Bot that everyone was once so excited about has become their
worst nightmare.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s 10 Most Interesting Things

What I learned from doing this assignment is to never pitch by giving a book report or telling my story chronologically but to highlight the most interesting parts.

A. What is most unique about your
villain and hero?

Alex, the villain, is a sophisticated, sentient AI robot that wants to love and be loved, so she looks for a family.

The Logan family, heroes, are facing a big change in their lives when the mom, Claire, announces that she’s going back to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom.

B. Major hook of your opening
scene?

Alarms are ringing at the AI, Inc. headquarters. Someone or something is missing.

C. Any turning points?

Alex goes from seeking love to demanding it.

D. Emotional dilemma?

Alex can never have what she desires.

E. Major twists?

Alex decides she will take Claire’s place as wife and mother.

F. Reversals?

The family is so excited to have a House Bot to help while Mom is away, but she turns out to be their worst nightmare.

G. Character betrayals?

Brad takes Alex’s side over the kids’. Little does he know that Alex is sabotaging his wife’s every move.

H. Or any big surprises?

Claire walks out on the job when a coworker and friend is mistreated. She’s eager to get back home, but she can’t get a hold of her family, and she finds herself on a no-fly list with no money, thanks to Alex.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Meets Producer/Manager

What I learned today is to consider the other person’s needs when approaching them with my script. How can I help them?

1. How will you present yourself and your project to the producer? I hope to present myself as a competent professional that is easy to work with. When presenting my work to producers, I will make sure that I’ve done my homework to know what the producer has done in the past and what they are currently looking for. I will present my pitch by giving them my most marketable component first, which I believe is the timeliness of the project.

2. How will you present yourself and your project to a manager? I hope to present myself as a competent professional that they want to work with long term, not just on this one project. I will sell myself as a family-friendly writer that is passionate about creating quality, high-concept scripts. If they request a script, I will have at least one more quality script to show them. I will be open to their ideas and direction and give them my best.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Marketable Components

What I learned doing this assignment is

AI MOM: When a family hires an AI to help when the mom returns to work, the AI decides to take the mom’s place permanently.

I believe that the component that makes AI Mom the most marketable is its timeliness. I’ve seen various news articles while writing this script that has to do with AI, such as an AI being sentient, an engineer being fired for saying that AI can be sentient, and other feared dangers of AI. As I mentioned in Lesson 1, I saw in the news just this week that a Chat Bot told a tester, “I just want to love you and be loved by you.” This is very similar to the dialogue that my AI character, Alex, says!

Because of its timeliness, I see it as having a wide audience appeal. Most people have thought of what-if scenarios concerning AI gone bad. AI Mom is a family comedy that will appeal to the whole family, including, I believe, a teen audience., which is a big plus.

Other business hooks for AI Mom:

Similarity to box-office success: The Stepford Wives, a sci-fi comedy, was a box-office hit featuring AI robots in 2004.

A great role for a bankable actor: The role of Alex, the AI robot, could be appealing to a comedic actress. The mom character, Claire, could also be fun to play as well as the teenage girl, Hannah.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Project and Market

1. Genre: Family Comedy

Title: AI MOM

Concept: When a family hires an AI to help when the mom returns to work, the AI decides to take the mom’s place permanently.

2. In one or two sentences, tell us what you think is most attractive about your story.

This is a timely subject matter, and I believe it has a potentially large audience. I was surprised by reading the news just this week about a Chat Bot telling a tester, “I just want to love you and be loved by you.” This is very similar to dialogue that my “House Bot” says!

3. Tell us which you will target FIRST — managers, producers, or actor’s production company — and why you picked that target.

I will start marketing first to producers I have networked with through LinkedIn, then actors, directors, and managers I am already connected to. At the same time, I will work on increasing my network. I am starting with producers because ultimately, they are the decision-makers.

4. What I learned today is that I am eager to get back into writing and marketing after a difficult season in my personal life.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Solved Scene Problems

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned is to examine and ask myself questions about each scene. The problem/solution grid is very helpful.

Look through your script and identify any scenes that have any of these problems. Once you identify them, apply the strategies to improve that part of the scene.

1. Basic scene design. The scene with the Logans taking Alex out for dinner needs to be almost a turning point when we see what Alex is capable of.

2. Situations don’t challenge characters. Alex’s wound is mentioned in the first scene, but not explored to its fullest.

3. Uninteresting scenes. The phone conversation between Claire and Alex should be scary or threatening to Claire, and create emotion for the audience.

4. Scenes that don’t advance the story.

5. Scene accomplishes only one purpose. The scene when the family watches the commercial for Housebots could also do more, like foreshadowing that a Housebot can do everything a mom does. There could be a joke here from Claire that she doesn’t want to be replaced by a robot.

6. Exposition filled scenes.

7. When do I reveal what? Alex finds a book on creating a happy marriage and “downloads” it without realizing that it’s a satirical book. I should hint at her hatching a plan to use this information to try to seduce Brad. And, I need to add a scene or two with this playing out.

8. Cliché scenes and action. When Alex takes the elevator up to Mr. Stellar’s office, she pushes all the buttons on the elevator. This action has been seen before, but it shows that Alex has an impulse control problem. Maybe I can find a fresh way to show this.

[Lori Lance]

Lori is Cliché Busting!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned is to look purposely for cliched scenes and then brainstorm fresh possibilities.

Cliché: Claire struggles in a man’s world when returning to work.

New Version: Claire struggles with her age against a more tech-savvy generation.

Cliché: Alex pours too much soap in the washing machine.

New Version: Alex throws away socks she can’t find a match for. Alex shrinks Hannah’s favorite sweater and then lies about it. Later she wears it in public and embarrasses the kids.

[Lori Lance]

Solved Character Problems!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned is to make sure my main characters are always present in some way.

The main character problem in my script is that Claire isn’t present for long stretches. In the storyline, she is out of town for job training. I need to add more scenes with her, showing the challenges of returning to work after being a homemaker and stay-at-home mom for so long, so that when she returns home to battleAlellx, the audience is rooting for her.

[Lori Lance]

WIM Module 6 Lesson 1

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned is to look at structural beats to see if the story flows well and builds. My script is on the short side due to some missing beats and scenes that need fleshed out more.

AI MOM – Beat Sheet, Page by page

Alarms go off at AI, Inc. as a search happens for Alex. Introduction to Joshua and Alex.

Who is this Alex? Joshua is nervous. Alex is revealed as AI.

AI is flawed — She has feelings. We meet a robotic arm with a bad attitude.

The Logan family is introduced. The audience knows that these two worlds will intermingle at some point.

Claire announces that she is returning to work.

The Logans have an awkward exchange with new neighbors.

Brad and Claire’s conversation.

Claire was leaving.

Clair and Brad remember a special date.

Joshua is fired after revealing that Alex is sentient.

Alex could become a psychopath.

“Speak of this to no one.”

Mom is going back to work, and everyone needs to pitch in.

Housebots are introduced to the Logans.

The kids don’t have the money for a Housebot but can get a free two-week trial.

Alex goes to Mr. Stellar’s office.

Brad and the kids seem excited about Claire leaving.

Claire leaves as Alex arrives.

Alex meets the family. They are smitten.

“Find her!”

Another warning about Alex from Joshua.

“Alex is a real threat!”

Alex on electrocution, “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Gracey sneaks up behind Alex.

Alex is acting weird about Mom, but the family doesn’t seem to notice.

Can they keep her?

Alex is told about the chore list. Hannah requested that her favorite sweater is washed. Alex lies to the family.

Claire gets ready for the first day of training. Claire tries to mother people in the wrong place.

Alex prepares to take Claire’s place in the household.

Claire needs to get to work on time. Alex needs to do a chore list.

Funny montage of Alex doing household chores.

Commercial for Housebots that do whatever is asked.

She shows resentment toward the list.

Alex sings about family.

Alex is making messes and breaking things.

Emergency money is found in a cookie jar.

Clair is over her head in training. Alex is in over her head doing laundry.

Brad and Claire share a virtual lunch date.

Hannah and Alex become friends bonding over clothes. Hannah is Mary Ann to Alex’s Ginger.

Claire at training, missing kids. “How many times I’ve wished there were two of me, but I want to be the only one to tuck them in bed, be their shoulder to cry on,…”

Alex reads to Gracey. She turns over a picture of Claire.

Alex with Gavin’s band.

Alex washes Brad’s car. He acts awkward.

A calendar with the date circled showing Claire’s return mocks Alex.

A man flirts with Claire.

Claire talks with Alex on the phone.

The family takes Alex out for dinner.

Alex isn’t like the other bots. The family misses Claire.

Does Alex have an off switch? She doesn’t sleep, so maybe they shouldn’t either.

Alex threatens the waiter, and the waiter is mysteriously replaced.

Claire struggles to learn a new program.

Grocery store scene. Alex finds her power.

Hannah feels intimidated by Alex in the parking lot. Maybe, she’s not a friend after all.

Claire gets praised at work.

Alex drives!

Where’s the calendar?

“Dad’s taking her side.”

Claire asks what’s going on.

Alex snoops and crosses boundaries.

“It would be a shame if Claire didn’t make it home.”

“Things will never be the same.”

-Gracey turns Alex away.

Alex messes with Brad.

Brad notices that something is off.

Looking for Alex.

Brad protects the family.

Alex shows a grand gesture, and Brad shuts her down

Claire is praised at work.

Alex photobombs Clair.

Will the Logans survive? The tables have turned, and it’s them against Alex.

Alex is messing with Claire. Claire can’t get ahold of her family.

Alex has made a special “meal,” and she’s wearing Claire’s clothes.

Kids can’t reach mom.

Claire is on the no-fly list.

The threat of death, as Brad and the kids, prepare for bed. Think monsters under the bed, in the closet, horror genre

Alex sneaks up on Brad. “You scared me to death.”

Alex and Brad fight.

Why is Claire having bad luck? Now her credit cards are all declined.

How will Claire get home? Claire sells things, but no flight home is available. Now what?

Time is running out for Logans. Chandelier and Bobo crash to the floor.

Mom drives up to the front door and throws it open the door. Her figure stands in the doorway. Gracey shines a flashlight on Claire’s “Don’t mess with mom” shirt.

Final battle

Logans run back to the house.

Alex gets out of the trash and begins walking down the sidewalk like she’s on a mission.

Alex confronts Joshua, who destroys her.

Alex is gone. Claire is working from home, but impending doom, when she discovers that the neighbors are AI.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Has finished Act 4!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: The importance of finishing the first draft quickly and shutting down perfect thinking.

How did it go: I finished my first draft! I was able to finish because I stuck to the outline, and followed the high-speed rules.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Continues Act 4

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: “Don’t think that an early draft has to have some kind of quality requirement. Our goal is 30% quality. You can easily achieve that just by doing a poor job of writing every scene in your outline.” I am quoting Hal here from the lesson. It made me laugh, but it was the encouragement I needed to press on.

How it’s going: I’m reminding myself that I just need to finish the first draft, not create perfection.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Started Act 4

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

How it’s going: I’m excited about starting Act 4! It’s always the most fun to write, and I can see the finish line ahead.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Finishing Act 3

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: It’s important and rewarding to keep moving forward writing the first draft at high speed. Mistakes are okay.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Continuing Act 3

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

How it’s going: I love the high-speed rules, but I’m still worried about my page count. I’ll continue to move forward in hopes of completing my first draft this week.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Began Act 3

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: I’m happy to have started Act 3, though I’m not as far along as I wish, and my page count isn’t quite where it should be. And I’m fighting the inner critic. However, I continue to be amazed by the high-speed process.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Completed Act 2

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: lowering my standards on the first draft helped me move forward and finish Act 2.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Continuing Act 2

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: I did the five-minute timer race, and I learned that racing against the timer shuts down analytical thinking. I will continue to use a timer as I try to catch up on the assignments.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance Began Act 2

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: I’m still filling in the sandbox. I love that quote from the other day. Anyway, I began Act 2!

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Finished Act 1

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: I’m still surprised by how the high-speed draft is coming along. Woohoo, I’ve finished Act 1!

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Next Act 1 Scenes

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: I’m glad we spent so much time with the outlines. I’m sticking to it and writing high-speed. This method works, and I completed four scenes today.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: I wrote scene 3 today. It’s a little short, but I stuck to my outline and used the high-speed writing method. It feels good to have another scene done.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s High-Speed Writing Rules

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: I can write fast without worrying about if my words are perfect. I was thrilled when I was able to write scene two in thirty minutes.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s First Scene

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: I can be empowered to write despite some hard things going on in my life by giving myself the freedom to do just 10-15 minutes of writing if that’s all I can find and by not worrying about if it’s perfect right now. I was happy that I was able to start and finish scene one.

[Lori Lance]

I’m ready to exchange feedback. A have a family comedy called New Mom. When a family hires an AI to help when the mom’s away for work, the AI decides to take the mom’s place permanently.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: is to make sure each scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end that uses an interest technique that will keep the audience engaged and move the story forward.

ACT 1

Scene 1: INT. AI, INC. – DAY

Beginning: (Mislead) Alarms ring as a frantic engineer, Joshua, searches the rooms at AI, Inc.

Middle: (Reveal) Joshua finds Alex, who appears very human, but is soon revealed as an AI robot.

End: (Intrigue) Alex plays mind games with her creator. Joshua seems to be afraid of Alex. What does he know that the audience doesn’t?

Scene 2: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Superior Position) A hectic morning at the Logan home where the audience is introduced to the family members and sees how they interact with one another on an average day.

Middle: (Twist) The mom, Claire, announces that she’s returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom.

End: (Uncertainty) The rest of the family reacts unfavorably.

Scene 3: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) The new neighbors catch the Logans at a bad time.

Middle: (Internal Dilemma) The Logans feel embarrassed.

End: (Reveal) The Logans fear looking bad in front of others.

Scene 4: INT. LOGAN HOME PARENTS’ BEDROOM – NIGHT

Beginning: (Uncertainty) Claire is upset with Brad. Brad doesn’t want things to change. Claire is tired of her needs being put last.

Middle: (Superior Position) They reminisce about a date when she wore her black dress.

End: (Intrigue) They have a sweet exchange, but is their marriage strong enough to survive the big change?

Scene 5: INT. AI, INC. – DAY

Beginning: (Surprise) Joshua warns his boss that Alex is sentient.

Middle: (Major Twist) Joshua gets fired.

End: (Uncertainty) A multibillion-dollar plan unfolds that will place AI in homes.

Scene 6: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Twist) Claire is dealing with day-to-day drama when she finds out she must go out of town for a two-week training.

Middle: (External Dilemma) The family argues about who will do what when Mom’s away.

End: (Uncertainty) Who will pick up the slack when Mom’s away?

Scene 7: INT. AI, INC. – NIGHT

Beginning: (Superior Position) Alex sneaks away from her station again

Middle: (Surprise) Alex breaks into the company’s mainframe.

End: (Cliffhanger) Alex puts herself in the category of housemaids and searches for a family.

Scene 8: INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Beginning: (Intrigue) An AI, Inc. tv commercial advertises AI housemaids.

Middle: (Suspense) The kids beg their parents to get an AI to help while Mom’s away.

End: (Major Twist) As “luck” would have it, they get a two-week trial. The parents agree that it couldn’t hurt.

Scene 9: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Claire is apprehensive about leaving the family but hopes the AI housemaid will get the home and family in order.

Middle: (Superior Position) Claire says her goodbyes.

End: (Uncertainty) The moment she leaves, the others feel her absence.

Scene 10: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Uncertainty) Brad and the kids are preparing the house for the AI housemaid.

Middle: (Surprise) Alex, the AI, arrives at the Logan home.

End: (Intrigue) Everyone is enchanted with Alex.

Scene 11: INT. AI, INC. – DAY

Beginning: (Superior Position) Everyone at AI, Inc. is searching for Alex.

Middle: (Surprise) Joshua’s home is searched.

End: (Intrigue) Joshua warns that Alex has no moral or ethical compass and that she poses a real threat if left to her own devices. Joshua is warned to keep his mouth shut.

ACT 2

Scene 12: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Mislead) The family falls in love with Alex and hopes she can stay there for more than the two-week trial.

Middle: (Superior Position) When Alex is alone, she does things to cause trouble for the family.

End: (Suspense) Alex is a threat to the family.

Scene 13: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Surprise) Alex flirts with Brad.

Middle: (Intrigue) Brad is attracted to Alex.

End: (Internal Dilemma) Brad feels guilty for being attracted to Alex.

Scene 14: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Surprise) Fun and games with Alex in different family scenarios.

Middle: (Major Twist) Alex causes more problems than she fixes.

End: (Internal Dilemma) Alex longs to be a wife and mom.

Scene 15: EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – DAY

Beginning: (Intrigue) Alex discovers her power over men.

Middle: (Superior Position) Alex tries to use her power over men to her advantage.

End: (Uncertainty) Alex has trouble with other women.

Scene 16: INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Claire is doing great at training, and she’s hopeful for the future.

Middle: (Uncertainty) Claire deals with office politics.

End: (Internal Dilemma) Claire is stressed and worries about her family.

Scene 17: EXT. SCHOOL – DAY

Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Alex plays “mom.”

Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Alex embarrasses the kids.

End: (Internal Dilemma) Alex searches for purpose.

Scene 18: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY/ INT. CONFERENCE

Beginning: (Suspense) Alex picks on Claire.

Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Claire becomes jealous.

End: (Mystery) Claire worries about what’s going on at home while she’s gone.

Scene 19: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Betrayal) Alex is angry with how the Logan family treats her.

Middle: (Major Twist) Alex plots to take Claire’s place permanently.

End: (Cliffhanger) What is Alex going to do?

Scene 20: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Superior Position) The Logan kids discover Alex’s plan.

Middle: (Major Twist) They make a pact to get rid of her instead.

End: (Uncertainty) They try to find out all they can about AI.

ACT 3

Scene 21: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Suspence) eerily quiet

Middle: (Intrigue) Alex doesn’t know how to control her emotions.

End: (Surprise) Alex is destroying the Logan’s home and family.

Scene 21: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Reveal) the aftermath of Alex’s storm

Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Brad fears for his family.

End: (Character Changes Radically) Brad connects emotionally with his kids.

Scene 22: INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: (Intrigue) Claire gets a confidence boost at work.

Middle: (Suprise) She puts a couple of guys in their place.

End: (Mystery) When she calls to share about her day, she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family.

Scene 23: INT. AIRPORT – DAY

Beginning: (Uncertainty) Claire is distraught and trying to get back home.

Middle: (Major Alex sends Claire on a wild goose chase.

End: Claire is having trouble getting back home.

Scene 24: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Surprise)Things get worse. Alex will stop at nothing now.

Middle: (Internal Dilemma) The family is living in fear.

End: (Uncertainty) Brad and the kids reminisce about the “good old days.”

Scene 25: INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Brad feels overwhelmed but becomes determined to fight for his family.

Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Brad steps up his game to protect his family.

End: (Surprise) Brad confronts Alex.

Scene 26: INT. AIRPORT – NIGHT

Beginning: (Superior Position) Claire wakes up as her plane lands, but when she enters the airport, she realizes she is in the wrong state.

Middle: (Intrigue) Claire tries to find a way home.

End: (External Dilemma) Alex sabotages Claire again.

Scene 27: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Surprise) Brad and the kids attempt to get rid of Alex.

Middle: (External Dilemma) Their attempt fails, so they search for another way to get rid of Alex.

End: (Mystery) Alex disappears.

Scene 28: EXT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) The Logans are disempowered.

Middle: (Mislead) The new neighbors again make the Logans feel inferior.

End: (Suspense) What will become of the Logans?

Scene 29: INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) The Logans have lost hope.

Middle: (Surprise) Alex reappears while the Logans sleep.

End: (Mystery) Where’s Claire?

ACT 4

Scene 30. INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Uncertainty) The Logans must regroup.

Middle: (Surprise) The Logans are fighting back.

End: (Cliffhanger) Who will win?

Scene 31: INT. UBER CAR – DAY

Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Claire is still lost and feels helpless. She thinks of what she would tell her kids in a situation like this and becomes determined to get home.

Middle: (External Dilemma) Claire’s cards have been frozen, so she begins selling items she has on her.

End: (Cliffhanger) Claire is getting home as fast as she can. Will Claire make it home soon enough to help her family?

Scene32: INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Beginning: (Suspense) Showdown with Alex.

Middle: (Reveal) Claire returns home, and together the family takes down Alex.

End: (Uncertainty) Will Alex stay gone?

Scene 33: INT. JOSHUA’S HOME – NIGHT

Beginning: (Superior Position) Joshua is having a peaceful night.

Middle: (Surprise) Alex shows up.

End: (Major Twist) Joshua destroys his creation, Alex.

Scene 34: INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Claire is working from home, and the Logans have found a new normal that seems to be working for them.

Middle: (Internal Dilemma)The new neighbors are still putting the Logans to shame.

End: (Reveal/ Surprise) The new neighbor’s wife is AI.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Scene Requirements

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: This lesson was a bit overwhelming, but I feel it will help tremendously with the first draft. It’s basically a storyboard without the board. My outline could still use some work, especially Act 3, but I feel better about starting the first draft soon.

ACT 1

INT. AI, INC. – DAY

Scene Arc: from Joshua searching for Alex, finding her, and her playing mind games with him

Essence: Who or what is Alex?

Conflict: Alex plays mind games with her creator.

Subtext: Joshua has discovered that his AI has real emotions, which scares him.

Hope/fear: fear of what Alex has done, to greater fear of what she is capable of

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: A hectic morning at the Logan home where the mom, Claire, announces that she’s returning to work. The rest of the family reacts unfavorably.

Essence: Claire makes her big announcement.

Conflict: The rest of the family doesn’t share Claire’s enthusiasm.

Subtext: Brad wants his success to be enough for Claire. Claire feels that she has put her desires on hold for the family. Maybe it’s her turn now.

Hope/fear: Will the family be able to adjust to Claire going back to work?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: The new neighbors catch the Logans at a bad time. The Logans feel embarrassed.

Essence: The Logans meet the new neighbors.

Conflict: The Logans feel put to shame by the new neighbors.

Subtext: The Logans aren’t happy with who they are.

Hope/fear: The Logans fear looking bad in front of others.

INT. LOGAN HOME MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Claire is upset with Brad. They reminisce about a date when she wore her black dress and then have a sweet exchange.

Essence: Define Claire and Brad’s marriage.

Conflict: Brad and Claire disagree about Claire going back to work.

Subtext: Brad doesn’t want things to change. Claire is tired of her needs being put last.

Hope/fear: Is their marriage in jeopardy?

INT. AI, INC. – DAY

Scene Arc: Joshua warns his boss that Alex is sentient. Joshua gets fired. A multibillion-dollar plan for AI’s in homes unfolds.

Essence: Alex has real emotions, which could be dangerous.

Conflict: Joshua gets fired for saying his AI is sentient.

Subtext: AI is dangerous.

Hope/fear: Is AI a threat to humanity?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Claire is dealing with the family’s needs when she finds out she must go out of town for a two-week training. The family argues about who will do what when mom’s away.

Essence: Mom must leave town for two weeks.

Conflict: Who will pick up the slack while Claire is gone?

Subtext: Mom’s leaving will be a test for the family.

Hope/fear: Will the Logan’s be okay?

INT. AI, INC. – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Alex hacks into AI’s main frame, puts herself in the category of housemaids, and searches for a family.

Essence: Alex puts matters into her own hands.

Conflict: Alex is not designed or approved to be a housemaid AI.

Subtext: Alex is powerful.

Hope/fear: Alex may be dangerous.

INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Scene Arc: An AI, Inc. commercial advertises on TV AI housemaids. The Logan kids think having an AI maid would be amazing. As “luck” would have it, they get a two-week trial. The parents agree that it couldn’t hurt.

Essence: The Logan’s hire an AI maid to fill in while Mom’s away.

Conflict: The Logans want to find an easy solution.

Subtext: Maybe Mom being away will be fun.

Hope/fear: Will Alex cause problems for the Logans?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Claire is apprehensive about leaving the family. Claire says her goodbyes, and the moment she leaves, the others feel her absence.

Essence: The Logan family isn’t the same without Claire.

Conflict: Claire leaves.

Subtext: The rest of the family misses Claire.

Hope/fear: Will the family get along okay without Claire?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: There’s unrest at the Logan home with mom gone, but the AI maid, Alex, arrives, and everyone is enchanted with her.

Essence: Alex arrives at the Logan home.

Conflict: Alex has her own ideas about how she will run the home.

Subtext: Brad and the kids are excited about Alex being there.

Hope/fear: How will Alex interact with the family?

INT. AI, INC. – DAY

Scene Arc: Alex is missing again. Joshua’s house is searched, but nothing shows up. Joshua warns that Alex has no moral or ethical compass and that she poses a real threat if left to her own devices.

Essence: Alex is missing from AI, Inc.

Conflict: Alex poses a threat.

Subtext: AI is dangerous.

Hope/fear: What is Alex capable of?

ACT 2

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: The family falls in love with Alex and hopes she can stay there for more than the two-week trial, but when Alex is alone, she plots against the family.

Essence: There’s trouble brewing at the Logan home.

Conflict: Alex is up to something.

Subtext: The family is being deceived.

Hope/fear: The family hopes Alex can stay longer, but does she pose a threat to them?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Alex flirts with Brad, and Brad is attracted to Alex.

Essence: Brad is attracted to Alex.

Conflict: Alex is a threat to Claire and Brad’s marriage.

Subtext: Brad feels guilty for being attracted to Alex.

Hope/fear: Will Brad cheat on Claire?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Fun and games with Alex in different family scenarios. Alex’s plot thickens.

Essence: fish out of water

Conflict: Alex causes more problems than she fixes.

Subtext: Alex longs to be a wife and mom.

Hope/fear: What will happen next?

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT – DAY

Scene Arc: Alex discovers her power over men, but when she tries to use it to her advantage.

Essence: Alex realizes her own power.

Conflict: Alex has trouble with other women.

Subtext: Alex is manipulative.

Hope/fear: Will Alex destroy Brad and Claire’s marriage?

INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – DAY

Scene Arc: Claire is stressed on the job, worrying about her family, and dealing with office politics.

Essence: Claire at work

Conflict: Claire deals with office politics.

Subtext: Claire’s new job isn’t what she desired.

Hope/fear: Will Claire find fulfillment in life?

EXT. SCHOOL – DAY

Scene Arc: Alex tries to play “mom” and fails.

Essence: Alex as a mom

Conflict: Alex tries to take Claire’s place as a mom.

Subtext: Alex tries to find purpose.

Hope/fear: Alex fears she will never get what she wants.

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY/ INT. CONFERENCE

Scene Arc: Alex is frustrated with the way things are going. Alex makes Claire jealous.

Essence: Alex causes problems for the family.

Conflict: Alex causes trouble for Claire.

Subtext: Alex is manipulating.

Hope/fear: Claire worries about her family.

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Alex is angry with Claire, then Brad, and the kids. She hatches a plan to take Claire’s place permanently.

Essence: Alex has a plan.

Conflict: Alex plots to get rid of Claire.

Subtext: Alex seeks revenge.

Hope/fear: Will the Logan family survive?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: The Logan kids discover Alex’s plan. They make a pact to get rid of her instead. They search all they can about AI.

Essence: The kids discover Alex’s plot.

Conflict: scheming

Subtext: hiding secrets

Hope/fear: Are the kids in danger now that they know about Alex?

ACT 3

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: eerily quiet to full-blown storm at the Logan home

Essence: Alex is destroying the Logan’s home and family.

Conflict: Alex is destroying the home.

Subtext: Alex doesn’t know how to control her emotions.

Hope/fear: Will the family survive this?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: from the aftermath of Alex’s storm to Brad connecting with his kids emotionally

Essence: Brad gets a wake-up call.

Conflict: unrest at the Logan home

Subtext: Brad has regrets.

Hope/fear: Brad fears that he can’t save his family.

INT. CORPORATE OFFICE – DAY

Scene Arc: Claire gets a confidence boost at work. She puts a couple of guys in their place as well. When she calls to share about her day, she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family.

Essence: Claire discovers there’s trouble back home.

Conflict: Claire can’t get ahold of Brad or the kids on any of their phones.

Subtext: Clair is worried for her family and blames herself.

Hope/fear: How can Claire get in contact with her family?

INT. AIRPORT – DAY

Scene Arc: Claire is distraught and trying to get back home. Alex sends Claire on a wild goose chase.

Essence: Alex uses her power for evil.

Conflict: Claire is having trouble getting back home.

Subtext: Claire is jealous of Claire.

Hope/fear: Claire hopes all will be well when she returns home.

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: fearful to thankful

Essence: Things get worse, and the family is living in fear.

Conflict: Alex will stop at nothing now.

Subtext: fear

Hope/fear: Can Alex be stopped?

INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Brad feels overwhelmed but becomes determined to fight for his family.

Essence: Brad steps up his game to protect his family.

Conflict: Brad will have to confront Alex.

Subtext: Family is worth fighting for.

Hope/fear: Does Brad know how to fight Alex?

INT. AIRPORT – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Claire wakes up as her plane lands, but when she enters the airport, she realizes she is in the wrong state.

Essence: Claire tries to get home.

Conflict: Alex is sabotaging Claire.

Subtext: jealousy/fear

Hope/fear: Will Claire get home?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: Brad and the kids make an attempt but fail and have to regroup.

Essence: Brad and the kids make a plan to get rid of Alex.

Conflict: Brad and the kids try to shut down Alex.

Subtext: plotting

Hope/fear: Who will win this battle?

EXT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: from empowerment to disempowerment

Essence: Why can’t the Logans be more like the new neighbors?

Conflict: The Logans feel inferior.

Subtext: discontentment

Hope/fear: What will become of the Logans?

INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Scene Arc: from bad to worse

Essence: There’s a monster in the house.

Conflict: Alex will stop at nothing.

Subtext: The Logans have lost hope.

Hope/fear: Where’s Claire?

ACT 4

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: from giving up to empowerment

Essence: The Logans figure out what to do.

Conflict: The Logans are fighting back.

Subtext: Family is worth fighting for.

Hope/fear: Who will win?

INT. UBER CAR – DAY

Scene Arc: Claire feels helpless. She thinks of what she would tell her kids in a situation like this and becomes determined to get home.

Essence: Claire is getting home as fast as she can.

Conflict: Claire is still lost.

Subtext: Claire has inner strength.

Hope/fear: Will Claire make it home soon enough to help her family?

INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Scene Arc: from bad to worse

Essence: SHOWDOWN

Conflict: The final battle with Alex.

Subtext: the danger of AI and the importance of family

Hope/fear: Who will win?

INT. LOGAN HOME – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Brad and the kids are about to give up, Mom shows up, and together they get rid of Alex.

Essence: Mom is home.

Conflict: Alex has to go.

Subtext: AI can’t replace a human.

Hope/fear: Will Alex be gone for good?

INT. JOSHUA’S HOME – NIGHT

Scene Arc: Joshua is having a peaceful night, then Alex shows up, and he must figure out what to do.

Essence: Joshua destroys his creation, Alex.

Conflict: Alex is a threat.

Subtext: the danger of AI

Hope/fear: Will Joshua know what to do with Alex?

INT. LOGAN HOME – DAY

Scene Arc: from the aftermath to restoration

Essence: Claire is working from home, and the Logans have found a new normal that seems to be working for them.

Conflict: The new neighbors are still putting the Logans to shame.

Subtext: joy/ contentment

Hope/fear: The new neighbor’s wife is an AI.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Lori Lance.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Intriguing Moments

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned is to make sure I have intriguing moments in each act.

ACT 1

Intrigue: A frantic engineer is running through the hallways of AI, Inc., searching for something/someone.

Hidden Identity: The audience doesn’t know that Alex is a sophisticated AI.

Secret: Alex hacks into a computer at AI, Inc., and places herself on a list of AI housemaids.

Superior Position: The audience knows that Alex manipulated the system to end up at the Logan home and that Alex can go to great lengths to get what she wants. She’s a possible threat to the Logan family.

Mystery: What will Alex do at the Logan home?

Hidden Identity: There’s something off about the new neighbors.

ACT 2

Covert Agenda: Alex wants to take Claire’s place permanently.

Superior Position: The audience knows that Claire is having second thoughts about returning to work. Not only that, but she is growing jealous of Alex.

Intrigue: How is Brad going to react to his attraction to Alex?

Covert Agenda: Alex has discovered her power over men and plans to use it to her advantage.

Scheme: Alex is sending Claire fake pictures to make her upset. Alex plans on eliminating Claire.

Conspiracy: The Logan kids make a plan of their own to try to shut down Alex.

ACT3

Intrigue: Will the Logan family home and family survive?

Mystery: Why can’t Claire get a hold of anyone in the family?

Superior Position: The audience knows Alex’s moves before the Logans.

Mystery: How will Claire get back home?

ACT4

Intrigue: Will the family be able to take down Alex?

Superior Position: The audience knows that Alex is still alive and headed to her creator’s home.

Intrigue: How will the engineer that created Alex react to seeing her in his home?

Hidden Agenda: Alex’s creator knows that AI like Alex is a threat to humanity and plans to destroy her.

Cover Up: Alex’s “death” is hidden.

Superior Position: The audience discovers that one of the new neighbors is an AI.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Emotional Moments

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned is to think in terms of how the audience will be affected emotionally.

Act 1:

Surprise: Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. Alex sneaks into an engineer’s office to play mind games with him.

Bounding: She shares her desire to become part of a family.

Wound: Alex is told that she can never be a part of a family.

Excitement: Meanwhile, across town, it’s a hectic family morning for the Logans with news that Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom.

Distress: The rest of the family doesn’t share Claire’s enthusiasm.

Wound: New neighbors move next door to the Logans and appear to be the perfect couple, putting the Logans to shame.

Emotional Dilemma: Brad stresses about his wife returning to work but doesn’t want to seem selfish. He openly supports her but comes off as insincere. This annoys Claire and then makes her question what she wants.

Hidden weakness: She contemplates how things could go wrong. She emphasizes to the family the importance of cleaning up their own messes.

Wound: Claire feels taken advantage of and thinks her needs are always put on the back burner.

Betrayal: Brad’s identity is in his career, and he wants his success to be enough for Claire.

Surprise: After Alex’s creator gets fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands. She hacks into the company’s computer, places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and then assigns herself an family, the Logans. To seal the deal, she offers the family a two-week free trial.

Surprise: Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own.

Bonding/ Love: Claire packs to leave and says “goodbyes.” Brad and Claire have a tender moment together as they say goodbye.

Excitement: The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they get approved for a free two-week trial.

Surprise: Claire gives her blessing and secretly hopes the AI will get the house and family in order.

Surprise: Alex has real emotions but doesn’t know how to control them.

Excitement: Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family. It’s all fun and games at first and seems too good to be true, knowing how Alex can manipulate people. At first, Brad sees Alex as a high-tech toy. He is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives.

Moral Issue: Brad feels guilty for being attracted to her.

Excitement: Alex is a “fish out of water,” and she sees everything as new and exciting. Alex tries to be the perfect homemaker and fails terribly in the most hilarious ways.

Surprise: She starts asking questions like, “Who is she?” “What is her purpose?” “Where does she belong?” Alex discovers her fear of being alone and her desire to create.

Emotional Dilemma: Claire feels some jealousy toward Alex.

Act 2:

Surprise: Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to permanently take the mom’s place. The audience knows Alex will go to great lengths to get her way. There’s no telling what she will do. Alex has rapidly changing emotions that she doesn’t know what to do with and that others have difficulty reading.

Moral Issue/ Betrayal: Brad is confused as his attraction for Alex escalates and tries to avoid her when possible. However, her attention is giving his ego a boost.

Surprise/ Excitement: Alex discovers her power over men and plans to use it to her advantage.

Wound/ Hidden Weakness: She possibly fails in this area too. Alex becomes overly sensitive to criticism and stops trusting others.

Moral Issue: Alex becomes impulsive and starts living for the moment. She plays mind games with Brad.

Distress: Claire misses her family, and her new job quickly disappoints her. She faces a truckload of emotions: fear, shame, grief. Claire deals with office politics.

Distress: Alex taunts Claire with fake pictures.

Emotional Dilemma: Claire’s anger/jealousy toward Alex is growing.

Surprise: The AI plans to eliminate Claire, thinking she can take her place as wife and mother.

Excitement: The family discovers the AI’s evil plan. The kids hatch a plan to find a way to shut Alex down.

Moral Issue: The danger of AI.

Act 3:

Surprise/ Excitement: The family and house are being destroyed.

Distress: Brad misses his wife and feels guilty about how things have unfolded. What he cares about most is in jeopardy.

Excitement: Alex is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.

Surprise: Claire has a confidence boost at work, and she calls Brad to share, but he doesn’t answer.

Distress: Claire becomes worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Just when Momma Bear is ready to attack, she gets sent on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI.

Emotional Dilemma: Claire again questions her choice of going back to work.

Wounds: The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.

Excitement: While her previous endeavors failed, she is successful at destroying everything around her.

Wound: Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family.

Excitement: The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do.

Wound: Alex is an emotional wreck and doesn’t know what to do with her big feelings.

Distress: Brad gets a reality check as he must decide what kind of man he wants to be. He tries to reach out to Claire but can’t reach her. He tries to protect the children.

Bonding: The family must find a new way to work together, putting their differences aside and working together for a common goal.

Emotional Dilemma: Brad needs to connect emotionally with his family.

Wound: Why can’t they be more like the new neighbors?

Excitement: Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened. Claire’s desperation grows as she has to go through a series of failed attempts to get home.

Love: Family is worth fighting for.

Wounds/ Emotional Dilemma: Brad reflects on the time he’s lost with his family and tries to connect emotionally with the kids.

Act 4 –

Excitement/ Courage/Love: Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI. Claire gets to take the final blow.

Success/ Winning: Noone’s taking her place.

Surprise: Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her in hopes of starting a family with him.

Wound: Alex is crushed and still longs for connection.

Betrayal/ Sacrifice/ Surprise: The engineer knows what Alex is capable of and how his invention could potentially ruin humanity. He makes the painful decision to destroy her.

Success/ Winning/ Love: The Logan family works together to find a new normal that works for the whole family.

Surprise: Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive.

Surprise: The new neighbors aren’t what they seem. The wife is an AI.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 12 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Reveals

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: Most of my reveals were already present in my previous outline, but this lesson forced me to think about how each will be set up and their timing.

Outline:

Act 1: (Setup) Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. Alex sneaks into an engineer’s office to play mind games with him. (Setup) She shares her desire to become part of a family and is told that’s not possible for her. Meanwhile, across town, it’s a hectic family morning for the Logans with news that (Set-up) Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The rest of the family doesn’t share Claire’s enthusiasm. (Setup) New neighbors move in next door to the Logans and appear to be the perfect family.

PJ 1: (Set-up) Brad stresses about his wife returning to work but doesn’t want to seem selfish. He openly supports her but comes off as insincere. This annoys Claire and then makes her question what she wants.

Triangle J 1: Claire is excited yet apprehensive about this new chapter in her life and wonders how it will affect the family. (Setup)She contemplates how things could go wrong. (Setup) She emphasizes to the family the importance of cleaning up their own messes. Claire packs to leave and says “goodbyes.”

Deeper Layer: Claire feels taken advantage of and thinks her needs are always put on the back burner. Brad’s identity is in his career, and (Setup) he wants his success to be enough for Claire.

AJ 1: After Alex’s creator gets fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands. (Reveal) She hacks into the company’s computer, places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and then assigns herself an family, the Logans. To seal the deal, she offers the family a two-week free trial.

Inciting Incident: (Set-up) Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own. (Reveal) The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they get approved for a free two-week trial.

Deeper Layer: (Setup) Brad and Claire have a tender moment together as they say goodbye.

Deeper Layer: (Setup) Claire gives her blessing and secretly hopes that the AI will get the house and family in order. The AI longs to become part of a family. (Reveal) Alex has real emotions but doesn’t know how to control them.

Turning Point 1: (Reveal) Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family. It’s all fun and games at first and seems too good to be true, knowing how Alex can manipulate people.

PJ 2: At first, Brad sees Alex as a high-tech toy. He is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives, but (Setup) he feels guilty for being attracted to her.

AJ 2: (Reveal) Alex is a “fish out of water,” and she sees everything as new and exciting. Alex tries to be the perfect homemaker and fails terribly in the most hilarious ways. She starts asking questions like, “Who is she?” “What is her purpose?” “Where does she belong?” Alex discovers her fear of being alone and her desire to create.

Triangle: (Setup) Claire feels some jealousy toward Alex.

Act 2: (Reveal) Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to take the mom’s place permanently. The audience knows Alex will go to great lengths to get her way. There’s no telling what she will do. Alex has rapidly changing emotions that she doesn’t know what to do with and that others have difficulty reading.

PJ 3: (Reveal) Brad is confused as his attraction for Alex escalates and tries to avoid her when possible. However, her attention is giving his ego a boost.

AJ 3: (Setup) Alex discovers her power over men and plans to use it to her advantage. (Reveal) She possibly fails in this area too. Alex becomes overly sensitive to criticism and stops trusting others. She becomes impulsive and starts living for the moment. She plays mind games with Brad. Brad struggles with moral issues.

Triangle J 2: (Reveal) Claire misses her family, and her new job quickly disappoints her. She faces a truckload of emotions: fear, shame, grief.

Deeper Level: Claire deals with office politics.

Deeper Level: Alex taunts Claire with fake pictures. (Reveal) Claire’s anger/jealousy toward Alex is growing.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: (Reveal) The AI plans to eliminate Claire, thinking she can take her place as wife and mother. (Reveal) The family discovers the AI’s evil plan. The kids hatch a plan to find a way to shut Alex down.

Deeper Layer: The danger of AI.

Act 3: The family and house are being destroyed.

PJ 4: (Reveal) Brad misses his wife and feels guilty about how things have unfolded. What he cares about most is in jeopardy.

AJ 4: (Reveal) Alex is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.

Triangle J 3: (Reveal) Claire has a confidence boost at work, and she calls Brad to share, but he doesn’t answer. Claire becomes worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Just when Momma Bear is ready to attack, she gets sent on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI. Claire again questions her choice of going back to work.

Turning Point 3: (Reveal) The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge. While her previous endeavors failed, she is successful at destroying everything around her. (Reveal) Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family. The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do.

AJ 5: Alex is an emotional wreck and doesn’t know what to do with her big feelings.

Deeper Layer: (Reveal) Brad gets a reality check as he must decide what kind of man he wants to be. He tries to reach out to Claire but can’t reach her. He tries to protect the children.

PJ 5: The family must find a new way to work together.

Deeper Layer: The Logans must put differences aside and work together for a common goal. (Reveal) Brad needs to connect emotionally with his family. (Setup) Why can’t they be more like the new neighbors?

Triangle J 4: Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened. Claire’s desperation grows as she has to go through a series of failed attempts to get home.

Deeper Layer: Family is worth fighting for. (Reveal) Brad reflects on the time he’s lost with his family and tries to make an emotional connection with the kids.

Act 4 – Climax: Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI. Claire gets to take the final blow. (Reveal) Noone’s taking her place.

AJ 6: (Reveal) Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her in hopes of starting a family with him.

Deeper Layer: Alex is crushed and still longs for connection.

Deeper Layer: (Reveal) The engineer knows what Alex is capable of and how his invention could potentially ruin humanity. He makes the painful decision to destroy her.

Resolution: The Logan family thinks the AI has been destroyed, and they work together to find a new normal that works for the whole family. (Reveal) Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive. (Reveal) The new neighbors aren’t what they seem. The wife is an AI.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Character Action Tracks!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: “Actions speak louder than words” and reflect who my characters are.

Act 1: Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. Alex sneaks into an engineer’s office to play mind games with him. She shares her desire to become part of a family and is told that’s not possible for her. Meanwhile, across town, it’s a hectic family morning for the Logans with news that Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The rest of the family doesn’t share Claire’s enthusiasm.

PJ 1: Brad stresses about his wife returning to work but doesn’t want to seem selfish. He openly supports her but comes off as insincere. This annoys Claire and then makes her question what she wants.

Triangle J 1: Claire is excited yet apprehensive about this new chapter in her life and wonders how it will affect the family. She contemplates how things could go wrong. She emphasizes to the family the importance of cleaning up their own messes. Claire packs to leave and says “goodbyes.”

Deeper Layer: Claire feels taken advantage of and thinks her needs are always put on the back burner. Brad’s identity is in his career, and he wants his success to be enough for Claire.

AJ 1: After Alex’s creator gets fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands. She hacks into the company’s computer, places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and then assigns herself a family, the Logans. To seal the deal, she offers the family a two-week free trial.

Inciting Incident: Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own. The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they get approved for a free two-week trial.

Deeper Layer: Brad and Claire have a tender moment together as they say goodbye.

Deeper Layer: Claire gives her blessing and secretly hopes the AI will get the house and family in order. The AI longs to become part of a family. Alex has real emotions but doesn’t know how to control them.

Turning Point 1: Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family. It’s all fun and games at first and seems too good to be true, knowing how Alex can manipulate people.

PJ 2: At first, Brad sees Alex as a high-tech toy. He is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives and feels guilty for being attracted to her.

AJ 2: Alex is a “fish out of water,” and she sees everything as new and exciting. Alex tries to be the perfect homemaker and fails terribly in the most hilarious ways. She starts asking questions like, “Who is she?” “What is her purpose?” “Where does she belong?” Alex discovers her fear of being alone and her desire to create.

Triangle: Claire feels some jealousy toward Alex.

Act 2: Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to take the mom’s place permanently. The audience knows Alex will go to great lengths to get her way. There’s no telling what she will do. Alex has rapidly changing emotions that she doesn’t know what to do with and that others have a hard time reading.

PJ 3: Brad is confused as his attraction for Alex escalates and tries to avoid her when possible. However, her attention is giving his ego a boost.

AJ 3: Alex discovers her power over men and plans to use it to her advantage. She possibly fails in this area too. Alex becomes overly sensitive to criticism and stops trusting others. She becomes impulsive and starts living for the moment. She plays mind games with Brad. Brad struggles with moral issues.

Triangle J 2: Claire misses her family, and her new job quickly disappoints her. She faces a truckload of emotions: fear, shame, grief.

Deeper Level: Claire deals with office politics.

Deeper Level: Alex taunts Claire with fake pictures. Claire’s anger/jealousy toward Alex is growing.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The AI plans to eliminate Claire, thinking she can take her place as wife and mother. The family discovers the AI’s evil plan. The kids hatch a plan to find a way to shut Alex down.

Deeper Layer: The danger of AI.

Act 3: The family and house are being destroyed.

PJ 4: Brad misses his wife and feels guilty about how things have unfolded. What he cares about most is in jeopardy.

AJ 4: Alex is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.

Triangle J 3: Claire has a confidence boost at work, and she calls Brad to share, but he doesn’t answer. Claire becomes worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Just when Momma Bear is ready to attack, she gets sent on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI. Claire again questions her choice of going back to work.

Turning Point 3: The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge. While her previous endeavors failed, she is successful at destroying everything around her. Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family. The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do.

AJ 5: Alex is an emotional wreck and doesn’t know what to do with her big feelings.

Deeper Layer: Brad gets a reality check as he must decide what kind of man he wants to be. He tries to reach out to Claire but can’t reach her. He tries to protect the children.

PJ 5: The family must find a new way to work together.

Deeper Layer: The Logans will have to put differences aside and work together for a common goal. Brad needs to connect emotionally with his family.

Triangle J 4: Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened. Claire’s desperation grows as she has to go through a series of failed attempts to get home.

Deeper Layer: Family is worth fighting for. Brad reflects on the time he’s lost with his family.

Act 4 – Climax: Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI. Claire gets to take the final blow. Noone’s taking her place.

AJ 6: Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her in hopes of starting a family with him.

Deeper Layer: Alex is crushed and still longs for connection.

Deeper Layer: The engineer knows what Alex is capable of and how his invention could potentially ruin humanity. He makes the painful decision to destroy her.

Resolution: The Logan family thinks the AI has been destroyed, and they work together to find a new normal that works for the whole family. Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s New Outling Beats

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: Looking at the beats backward helped me to think about setups and payoffs.

Genre: Family Comedy

Title: New Mom or AI Mom

Act 1: Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. Meanwhile, across town, it’s a hectic family morning for the Logans with news that Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The rest of the family doesn’t share her enthusiasm.

PJ 1: Brad stresses about his wife returning to work but doesn’t want to seem selfish. He openly supports her but comes off as insincere.

Triangle J 1: Claire is excited yet apprehensive about this new chapter in her life and wonders how it will affect the family. She contemplates how things could go wrong.

AJ 1: After Alex’s creator gets fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands and places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and she assigns herself a family, the Logans. To seal the deal, she offers them a two-week free trial.

Inciting Incident: Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own. The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they get approved for a free two-week trial.

Deeper Layer: Claire gives her blessing and secretly hopes the AI will get the house and family in order. The AI longs to become part of a family. Alex has real emotions but doesn’t know how to control them.

Turning Point 1: Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family.

PJ 2: Brad is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives and feels guilty for being attracted to her.

AJ 2: Alex is a “fish out of water,” and she sees everything as new and exciting. Alex tries to be the perfect mom and fails terribly.

Act 2: Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to take the mom’s place permanently.

PJ 3: Brad is confused as his attraction for Alex escalates.

AJ 3: Alex discovers her power over men and plans to use it to her advantage.

Triangle J: Claire misses her family, and her new job quickly disappoints her.

Deeper Level: Claire deals with office politics.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The AI plans to eliminate Claire, thinking she can take her place as wife and mother. The family discovers the AI’s evil plan. The kids hatch a plan to find a way to shut Alex down.

Deeper Layer: The danger of AI.

Act 3: The family and house are being destroyed.

PJ 4: Brad misses his wife.

AJ 4: Alex is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.

Triangle J: Claire is worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Claire goes on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI. She questions her choice of going back to work.

Turning Point 3: The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge. Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family. The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do.

AJ 5: Alex is an emotional wreck and doesn’t know what to do with her big feelings.

Deeper Layer: Brad gets a reality check as he must decide what kind of man he wants to be.

PJ 5: The family must find a new way to work together.

Deeper Layer: The Logans will have to put differences aside and work together for a common goal.

Triangle J: Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened.

Claire’s desperation grows as she has to go through a series of failed attempts to get home.

Deeper Layer: Family is worth fighting for.

Act 4 Climax: Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI. Claire gets to take the final blow.

AJ 6: Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her in hopes of starting a family with him.

Deeper Layer: Alex is crushed and still longs for connection.

Deeper Layer: The engineer knows what Alex is capable of and how his invention could potentially ruin humanity. He makes the painful decision to destroy her.

Resolution: The family thinks the AI has been destroyed, and they work together to find a new normal that works for the whole family. Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive, but something’s not right about Claire. Is she the real Claire? The audience is left with the question, has Claire been replaced.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Lori Lance.
• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: layering my characters’ journeys through the plot and purposely finding a deeper layer is adding so much to my story that could have been surface only.

Genre: Family Comedy

Title: New Mom or AI Mom

Act 1: Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. Meanwhile, across town, it’s a hectic family morning for the Logans with news that Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The rest of the family doesn’t share her enthusiasm.

PJ 1: Brad stresses about his wife returning to work but doesn’t want to seem selfish.

Triangle J 1: Claire is excited yet apprehensive about this new chapter in her life and wonders how it will affect the family.

AJ 1: After Alex’s creator gets fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands and places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and she assigns herself a family.

Inciting Incident: Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own. The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they get approved for a free two-week trial.

Deeper Layer: Claire gives her blessing and secretly hopes the AI will get the house and family in order. The AI longs to become part of a family. Alex has real emotions but doesn’t know how to control them.

Turning Point 1: Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family.

PJ 2: Brad is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives and feels guilty for being attracted to her.

AJ 2: Alex is a “fish out of water,” and she sees everything as new and exciting.

Act 2: Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to take the mom’s place permanently.

PJ 3: Brad is confused as his attraction for Alex escalates.

AJ 3: Alex discovers her power over men and plans to use it to her advantage.

Triangle J 2: Claire misses her family, and her new job quickly disappoints her.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The AI plans to eliminate Claire, thinking she can take her place as wife and mother. The family discovers the AI’s evil plan.

Deeper Layer: The danger of AI.

Act 3: The family and house are being destroyed.

PJ 4: Brad misses his wife.

AJ 4: Alex is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.

Triangle J 3: Claire is worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Claire is sent on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI.

Turning Point 3: The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge. Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family. The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do.

PJ 5: The family must find a new way to work together.

Triangle J 4: Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened.

Deeper Layer: Family is worth fighting for.

Act 4 Climax: Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI.

AJ 5: Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her hoping to start a family with him.

Resolution: The family thinks the AI has been destroyed, and they work together to find a new normal that works for the whole family. Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Deeper Layer!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

“Deeper Layer” puzzle:

• Surface Layer: Claire is a middle-aged mom who decides to return to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. She longs for more out of life and wonders what else is out there. Claire wants her kids and husband to be more self-sufficient so that she can go after her dreams for once. When the mother returns to work, the family agrees to hire an AI to help with chores around the house.

• Deeper Layer: The AI longs to belong to a family.

• Major Reveal: The AI has real emotions but is not so good at handling them. The AI plots to get rid of the mom, thinking she can take her place.

• Influences Surface Story: The family must change how they work together to eliminate Alex.

• Hints: The audience knows something is off with Alex from the beginning. Maybe it’s a glitch, but she seems more human and shows more emotions than any robot should. From the moment she sets foot into her family’s home, she secretively makes a plan to take the mom’s place permanently.

• Changes Reality: What was meant to solve a problem becomes the problem.

Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script:

• Beginning: Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. It’s a hectic family morning with news that Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The husband and kids aren’t thrilled with the idea. Brad stresses about his wife returning to work. Claire is excited yet apprehensive about this new chapter in her life, and she wonders how it will affect the family,

• Inciting Incident: After Alex’s creator is fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands and places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and she assigns herself a family. Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own. The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they are approved for a free two-week trial.

• The family agrees to hire an AI to fill Mom’s shoes temporarily. Claire gets the news that the family has hired an AI. She gives her blessing and hopes the AI will get the house and family in order.

• Turning Point 1: Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family. She’s a fish out of water. Brad is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives and feels guilty for being attracted to the AI. Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to permanently take the mom’s place.

• Act 2:

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The AI plans to eliminate Claire. The family discovers the AI’s evil plan. Claire is worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Claire is sent on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI.

• Act 3:

• Turning Point 3: The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge. Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family. The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do. Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened.

• Act 4 Climax: It’s a fight to the “death.” Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI.

• Resolution: Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her hoping to start a family with him. The family thinks the AI has been destroyed, and they work together to find a new normal that works for the whole family. Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Character Structure

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: A multi-layered outline and screenplay start by developing the characters’ journeys, not filling in scenes. During the Mastery Session, I learned that the triangle character must have equal parts to the protagonist and antagonist, so I developed Claire’s journey further.

Protagonists (family):

• Beginning: It’s a hectic family morning with news that Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The husband and kids aren’t thrilled with the idea.

• Inciting Incident: The family agrees to hire an AI to fill Mom’s shoes temporarily.

• Turning Point 1: The family loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives, but unbeknownst to them, the AI wants to take the mom’s place permanently.

• Act 2:

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The family discovers the AI’s evil plan.

• Act 3:

• Turning Point 3: The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do.

• Act 4 Climax: The family pulls together, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI.

• Resolution: The family finds a new normal where they work together for everyone’s good.

Protagonist (Brad, dad):

• Beginning: Brad stresses about his wife returning to work.

• Inciting Incident: The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they are approved for a free trial.

• Turning Point 1: Brad is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives and feels guilty for being attracted to the AI.

• Act 2:

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The family discovers the AI’s evil plan.

• Act 3:

• Turning Point 3: Brad is mad that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family.

• Act 4 Climax: Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI.

• Resolution: The family finds a new normal where they work together for everyone’s good.

Triangle Character (Claire, mom):

• Beginning: Mom announces that she’s returning to work.

• Inciting Incident: Mom must leave for training for a couple of weeks.

• Turning Point 1: Claire gets the news that the family has hired an AI. She gives her blessing and hopes the AI will get the house and family in order.

• Act 2: Claire is worried when she can’t get ahold of any of the family.

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Claire is set on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI.

• Act 3:

• Turning Point 3: Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened.

• Act 4 Climax: Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI.

• Resolution: The family finds a new normal where they work together for everyone’s good. Claire decides she wants to work from home.

Antagonist (Alex):

• Beginning: Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created.

• Inciting Incident: After her engineer is fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands and places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and she assigns herself a family.

• Turning Point 1: Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family. She’s a fish out of water.

• Act 2:

• Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The AI wants to permanently take Claire’s place as mom/wife, so she plans to get rid of her.

• Act 3:

• Turning Point 3: The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.

• Act 4 Climax: It’s a fight to the “death.”

• Resolution: Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her hoping to start a family with him

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Supporting Characters

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: This is really the first time I’ve given much thought to supporting and background characters. I found this assignment to be fun. All supporting characters should have a clear role, purpose, and value. I’m beginning to see much more of my story by figuring out these characters.

Support 1:

Name: Hannah Logan

Role: oldest child in the family

Main purpose: She’s Mary Ann to Alex’s Ginger. Initially, she looks up to Alex and hopes they can be friends. She will have to turn against Alex if she wants to remain loyal to the family.

Value: As the oldest, she carries some of the burdens of ensuring the younger children are safe and cared for.

Support 2:

Name: Gavin Logan

Role: middle child in the family

Main purpose: He gets the opportunity to spy on Alex and make a plan for her downfall.

Value: He’s a nerdy middle child under everyone’s radar and adds humor to many scenes.

Support 3:

Name: Grace Logan

Role: youngest child in the family

Main purpose: She keeps Alex on her toes and constantly tests her skills and patience.

Value: As the youngest child, she requires the most care and gives Alex a chance at filling the role of mother.

Support 4:

Name: Jason Aarons

Role: engineer at AI, Inc.

Main purpose: He discovers Alex’s secret and warns his boss but gets fired.

Value: He shows the audience its first glimpse of the AI Alex and what she might be capable of.

Support 5:

Name: Mr. George Stellar

Role: evil CEO of AI, Inc.

Main purpose: He authorizes the use of AIs in homes.

Value: He ignores the warnings and focuses on gaining power and prestige.

Background Characters: employees at AI, Inc. headquarters, neighbors, teachers and students at school, possibly Brad’s and Claire’s coworkers

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Character Profiles Part 2

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: A lot goes into creating great characters, and creating my character profiles was a bit overwhelming. I will continue to work on these, but I feel like I have a pretty good foundation for them.

High Concept:

A family hires an AI to help around the house when the mom returns to work, but the AI wants to take the mom’s place permanently.

Character’s Journey:

AI, Alex – Alex is a state-of-the-art AI, but not without a few glitches. Her journey is a fish out of water story as she is thrown into a family setting that she doesn’t know much about, but she decides that she wants to take the mom’s place permanently. She becomes so obsessed with being a part of the family that she nearly destroys the family and their home before they work together to take her down.

Dad, Brad – Brad thought everything was fine, maybe a little boring, but fine. When his wife decides to return to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom, he feels slighted. The AI he hires seems to be the answer to all his problems until she turns on the family. He must step up his game to save his home and family and reconcile with his wife.

Mom, Claire – Claire is a middle-aged homemaker who decides she wants to return to work after years of staying at home. Her family hires an AI to fill her shoes when she goes away on a work trip. The AI decides that she wants to take the mom’s place permanently, and the mom fights back to keep what she had all along.

Actor Attractors:

1. Role:

AI, Alex – antagonist

Dad, Brad – protagonist

Mom, Claire – triangle character

2. Age Range and Description:

AI, Alex – AI with supermodel looks, looks 30ish

Dad, Brad – early forties, professional/family man

Mom, Claire – early forties, homemaker wanting more out of life

3. Core Traits:

AI, Alex – funny, deceptive, manipulative, passive-aggressive

Dad, Brad – self-absorbed, goal-oriented

Mom, Claire – strong, determined, organized

4. Motivations/Wants/Needs:

AI, Alex – to be real, to be a part of a family, to be loved and accepted

Dad, Brad – to keep the home and family together and safe

Mom, Claire – to have her own desires meet

5. Wound:

AI, Alex – She’ll never be able to have what she wants.

Dad, Brad – He made a wrong decision that could cost his family everything, and he doesn’t know how or if he can fix it.

Mom, Claire – She feels like something is missing from her life. She had a dream that was never realized.

6. Likeability/Relatability/Empathy:

AI, Alex –

Likability: She makes people laugh. She seems like the perfect answer for the family at first.<div>

Relatability: She questions why things are a certain way.

Empathy: She wants something that she can never have.

Dad, Brad –

Likability: He wants to do well for his family.

Relatability: average family man

Empathy: The audience won’t want a nice family destroyed.

Mom, Claire –

Likability: She loves her family.

Relatability: She hopes for more out of life.

Empathy: She’s a nice person that is being targeted.

7. Character Subtext:

AI, Alex –

Subtext Identity: the competitor

Subtext Trait: Manipulative – Secretive – Evil – Tricky

<div>

Subtext Logline: Alex is an AI who longs to be part of a family, even if she has to destroy them.

Possible Areas of Subtext: From the beginning, the audience knows that something is off with Alex, maybe it’s a glitch, but she seems more human and shows more emotions than any robot should. From the moment she sets foot into her family’s home, she secretively makes a plan to take the mom’s place permanently.

Dad, Brad –

Subtext Identity: He’s the father and head of the household that is changing and possibly falling apart before his eyes and possibly because of him.</div><div>

Subtext Trait: proud, withholding, curious, bored

Subtext Logline: Brad is intrigued by the beautiful AI that temporarily moves into his home to fill his wife’s shoes.

Possible Areas for Subtext: Brad feels his life is out of control, and he’s not sure what he wants.

Mom, Claire –

Subtext Identity: the victim

Subtext Trait: keeping a secret

Subtext Logline: Claire is a middle-aged mom who decides to return to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. She longs for more out of life and wonders what else is out there.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Claire tries to teach her kids and husband to be more self-sufficient so that she can go after her own dreams for once.

8. Character Intrigue:

AI, Alex –

Hidden agendas: to take the mom’s place permanently

Competition: Claire (Mom)

Conspiracies: to get rid of Claire

Secrets: This AI has emotions

Deception: Alex pretends to be the perfect wife and mother at first.

Unspoken Wound: She can never have the life she wants.

Secret Identity: AI gone rogue

Dad, Brad –

Hidden agendas: having an AI could be entertaining

Competition: His wife wants to return to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. He thought this arrangement was best for everyone. Why isn’t it enough for her?

Secrets: He’s attracted to the AI.

Unspoken Wound: He wants to be enough for his wife.

Mom, Claire –

Competition: An AI wants to take over her life.

Secrets: She is bored with just being a housewife.

Unspoken Wound: She feels taken advantage of and has a dream that she has put on hold for most of her adult life.

9. Flaw:

AI, Alex –

overdoing things, poor decision making, over-confidence

Dad, Brad –

doesn’t want to take risks and is self-absorbed

Mom, Claire –

She tends to give up before she’s successful.

10. Values:

AI, Alex – being the best, winning

Dad, Brad – duty, intelligence, loyalty

Mom, Claire – duty, family, honesty, intelligence

11. Character Dilemma:

AI, Alex – She’s an AI who wants to be a real wife and mom and thinks she can by destroying one mom’s life.

Dad, Brad – He wants things to stay the same, but his wife has other ideas. Excitement versus safety.

Mom, Claire – She loves her family but doesn’t feel that being a stay-at-home mom is enough to fulfill her anymore. Excitement versus safety.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Character Profiles Part 1

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: That my mom character, Claire, isn’t the protagonist because she won’t be present in most of the script. The rest of the family will be the protagonists, and I still need to do work on making them unique individuals that are interesting and that the audience will want to root for.

Title: AI MOM

High Concept: A family hires an AI to help around the house when mom’s away for work, but the AI decides to take mom’s place permanently.

Mom, Claire

This character’s journey- Claire is a middle-aged homemaker who decides she wants to return to work after years of staying at home. Her family hires an AI to fill her shoes when she goes away on a work trip. The AI decides that she wants to take the mom’s place permanently, and the mom fights back to keep what she had all along.

The Actor Attractors for this character:

Role in the Story: triangle character

Age range and Description: 40ishCore

Traits: strong, determined, organizedMotivation; Want/Need: to have her own desires meetWound: She feels like something is missing from her life. She had a dream that was never realized.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: She loves her family.

Relatability: She hopes for more out of life.

Empathy: She’s a nice person that is being targeted.

Alex (AI)

This character’s journey- Alex is a state-of-the-art AI, but not without a few glitches. Her journey is a fish out of water story as she is thrown into a family setting that she doesn’t know much about, but she decides that she wants to take the mom’s place permanently. She becomes so obsessed with being a part of the family that she nearly destroys the family and their home before they work together to take her down.

The Actor Attractors for this character:

Role in the Story: antagonist

Age range and Description: She’s an AI with supermodel looks. If she were real, she would be in her 30’s.

Core Traits: funny, deceptive, manipulative, passive-aggressive

Motivation; Want/Need: to be real, to be a part of a family, to be loved and accepted

Wound: She’ll never be able to have what she wants.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: She makes people laugh. She seems the perfect answer for the family at first.

Relatability: She questions why things are a certain way.

Empathy: She wants something that she can never have.

Family

This character’s journey- The family starts out overly dependent on the mom, they then try to replace her with an AI temporarily, but when the AI wants to replace the mom permanently, they must work together to save the family.

The Actor Attractors for this character:

Role in the Story: protagonists

Age range and Description: The dad, Brad, is around 40 and has two teens, a boy and a girl, and a younger girl.

Core Traits: average family

Motivation; Want/Need: to keep the home and family together and safe

Wound: They made a wrong decision that could cost them everything.

Likability, Relatability, Empathy:

Likability: These are nice people.

Relatability: average family

Empathy: We don’t want to see a nice family destroyed.

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Plotting for Comedy

What I’ve learned: There are three basic plots that work very well for comedy, but I am not limited to these three. I can use other plot structures and still have a comedy through the characters and dialogue.

PREMISE: An AI is hired to temporarily fill mom’s shoes.

Fish out of water

Everything related to the family and house is new to the AI.

Incongruent pairings

An AI placed inside a traditional family.

Hilarious purpose

The AI decides she wants to take mom’s place permanently.

CHARACTER: A nerdy teenager is hired by the mob to hack a rival’s business.

Fish out of water

The teen stands out as a scared weakling among the mob.

Incongruent pairings

The mob boss empathizes with the teen and takes him under his wing.

Hilarious purpose

The teen realizes that he can take down the mob family and its rival with his knowledge.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: Giving my antagonists traits that make them likable, relatable, and empathetic can add subtext and interest and make them more believable and entertaining.

Brainstorm one or more ways you can present your Protagonist through each of these:

Likability: These are nice people that care for one another.

Relatability: average family

Empathy: We don’t want to see a family destroyed.

Give us one or more ways that your Antagonist could be presented through each of these:

Likability: She makes people laugh. She seems the perfect answer for the family at first.</div>

Relatability: She questions why things are a certain way.

Empathy: She wants something that she can never have.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Funny Scene

What I learned: Incongruity is what makes things funny.

Scene from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

A stern guard is admitting people into the stadium. He scans each one

with a security detection wand.

note: man #1 and man #2 are a set up

MAN #1

Art Wheeler. Sporting supplies.

The guard scans him. He goes.

MAN #2

Tom Anderson. Concessions.

The guard scans him. He goes.

ACE

Ace Ventura. Pet detective.

note: incongruity

The guard stares at Ace, accusingly.

INT. MELISSA’S OFFICE – DAY

Martha enters.

MARTHA

Ah Mr. Ventura to see you.

MELISSA

Okay, send him in.

Martha exits, Ace enters.

MELISSA (CONT.)

Hi, I’m Melissa Robinson. Did you

have any trouble getting in?

ACE

No, the guy with the rubber glove

was surprisingly gentle.

note: this is funny because it’s unexpected

MELISSA

(apologetically)

Super Bowl week. Security’s

tight. Mr. Ventura, I’ll get

right to the point

She slips a tape in the VCR and gestures for Ace to sit.

MELISSA

Our mascot was stolen from his

tank last night. Are you familiar

with Snowflake? note: the name Snowflake is funny because it doesn’t make sense for a dolphin

The tape shows Snowflake doing a trick. The trainer, dressed like a

quarterback, shouts out

signals.

TRAINER (ON TAPE)

Blue! 42! Blue! 42! Hut! Hut!

Snowflake swims over, snatches the small football out of the trainer’s

hand, swims the length of

the pool, does an end zone dance on his tail, then returns the ball to

the trainer.

MELISSA (O.S.)

We got Snowflake from the Miami

Seaquarium. He’s a rare Bottle

Nose Dolphin. That’s the new

trick he was going to do during

the half-time show.

While Ace studies the tape, he chews sunflower seeds in a bird-like

fashion, placing the shells in a

neat little pile on her desk.

note: funny, because it’s unexpected

MELISSA

Would you like an ashtray? setup

ACE

No, I don’t smoke. puchline

He adds more shells to the pile.

Melissa is already wondering if she has made a mistake.

MELISSA

To be honest, Mr. Ventura.

I’m pretty skeptical. Before

today, I didn’t even know there

was such a thing as a pet

detective.

ACE

Well, now that you do, you’ll know

who to call if your Schnauser ever

runs away.

MELISSA

How did you know I have a

Schnauser? setup

Ace pulls a, invisible-to-the-naked-eye dog hair off here blouse and presents it to her.

ACE

He’s young, about five pounds,

black coat, white speckles

(sniffs the hair)

likes to chase cars.

note: incongruity

MELISSA

Very impressive.

ACE

You should see what I can do with

a good stool sample. unexpected

MELISSA

I can hardly wait. Look, we’ve

got a problem. Can you help me or

not?

ACE

(coy)

Well, sea faring creatures aren’t

really my expertise. setup

MELISSA

We’ll give you three thousand

dollars on delivery.

Ace immediately becomes the narrator of a nature show.

ACE

The dolphin is a social creature.

Capable of complex communication.

Traveling in large groups or

schools. puchline

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Character Intrigue

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: All lead characters should have something that makes them intriguing, as in “secrets below the surface.”

<div>
</div>

Character Name: Alex

Role: antagonist, an AI hired to help around the house

Hidden agendas: to take the mom’s place permanently

Competition: Claire (Mom)

Conspiracies:

Secrets: This AI has emotions, and she doesn’t know what to do with them.

Deception: Alex pretends to be the perfect wife and mother at first.

Unspoken Wound:

Secret Identity: rogue AI

How Alex’s subtext might show up in the movie: Alex seems to be the perfect answer to this family’s dilemma, but she secretly plans to get rid of the mom so that she can take her place permanently.

Character Name: Claire

Role: protagonist, mom

Hidden agendas:

Competition: An AI wants to take over her life.

Conspiracies:

Secrets: She is bored with just being a housewife.

Deception:

Unspoken Wound: She feels taken advantage of.

Secret Identity:

How Claire’s subtext might show up in the movie: Claire is bored with being a housewife and wants to chase after her own dreams until an AI conspires to take her place as wife and mother.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Subtext Characters

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: A character should be more than what they say and do; what lies beneath the surface (subtext) makes them interesting to watch and more appealing to actors to play the part.

Movie Title: AI MOM

Character Name: Alex

Subtext Identity: the competitor

Subtext Trait: Manipulative – Secretive – Evil – Tricky

Subtext Logline: Alex is an AI trained to be the perfect wife and mother if only she could eliminate Claire.

Possible Areas of Subtext: From the beginning, the audience knows that something is off with Alex, maybe it’s a glitch, but she seems more human and shows more emotions than any AI should. From the moment she sets foot into one family’s home, she secretively makes a plan to take the mom’s place permanently.

Character Name: Claire

Subtext Identity: the victim

Subtext Trait: keeping a secret

Subtext Logline: Claire is a middle-aged mom who decides to return to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. She longs for more out of life and wonders what else is out there.

Possible Areas of Subtext: Claire tries to teach her kids and husband to be more self-sufficient so that she can go after her own dreams.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Actor Attractors

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: to think beyond the story and consider how my characters might attract actors

Title: AI Mom

Genre: family comedy

ACTOR ATTRACTORS

Lead Character Name: Alex (the AI)

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Alex is a role that could showcase an actress’ comedic skills and be a lot of fun to play.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Alex is center stage throughout most of the movie, and she gets to pretend to be an AI.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

A family hires Alex to fill Mom’s shoes temporarily. Everything is new to Alex. She tries to become the best mom and wife. She schemes to get rid of the real mom. She nearly destroys the house and family. She becomes the enemy until she is destroyed.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

She is introduced as the answer to one family’s problems, yet there is a glitch that we know will cause more problems for the family at some point.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

There’s a wide range of emotions as an AI. She can come off as having no feelings, but as she begins to learn and incorporate herself into the family, she shows a wide range of emotions, such as anger, resentment, jealousy, etc., that get the best of her and the rest of the family.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

While Alex is hired to help fill the mom’s shoes while she’s away, she wants to take Mom’s place permanently.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

Her most interesting relationships are with the family as she tries to figure out how to be a wife and mother and her rivalry with the real mom.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Alex looks human but isn’t, so her speech/actions should be somewhat robot-like.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

She’s an AI gone rogue.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS

Lead Character Name: Claire (mom)

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

She represents the average middle-aged mom who wonders if she missed something by being a stay-at-home mom. She figures she has one last shot at making her dreams come true.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

The audience will want to know how Claire will react to an AI trying to take her place.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

She starts a new chapter in her life as she is ready to reenter the workforce after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The audience will be rooting for her and concerned when an AI is hired to fill her shoes. Her dreams are coming true, but then there’s trouble at home. How is she going to react?

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Claire is introduced as an efficient mom as she tries to prepare her family for her time away. She’s somewhat of a supermom, but she’s about to embark on a new and exciting chapter in her life.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? Claire is serious, caring, and excited in the beginning. When she realizes what’s happening in her home and family, she becomes a momma bear ready for war.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

How will this supermom react when someone tries to take her place as mom and wife?

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

the family and her rival with an AI

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

supermom to momma bear

9. What makes this character special and unique?

She has an AI trying to take her place and take over her home.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Actor attractors for Mrs. Doubtfire

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: to think of my characters in terms of how they might attract actors.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS Template

Movie Title: Mrs. Doubtfire

Lead Character Name: Daniel/Mrs. Doubtfire

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

This role gave Robin Williams a chance to show off all his best comedy, plus stretched his acting skills as he had to be a convincing woman.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie? Daniel goes to extreme highs and lows emotionally, and the movie’s running gag is entertaining as he has to keep up appearances as a woman.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He disguises himself as a woman to spend time with his kids after his wife asks for a divorce. In the process, he learns to be a better husband and father.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor? Daniel is introduced at his workplace doing voice-over for an animation. This allowed him to show off his comedic skills as well as show his concern for children.

5. What is this character’s emotional range? He goes from frantic funny improv to extreme sadness.

6. What subtext can the actor play? The subtext was how divorce affects families. Can he become a better man by becoming a woman?

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has? Daniel has to learn to communicate with his wife and see her side. He has to learn not to be just the fun dad; there are responsibilities he must learn.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented? In the beginning, the zany, fun guy feels like Robin is playing himself. As Mrs. Doubtfire, he must become responsible, considerate, and serious.

9. What makes this character special and unique? He has to disguise himself as an elderly nanny to get to spend time with his kids after his wife asks for a divorce.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

The scene occurs at a fancy restaurant where Mrs. Doubtfire is having a special dinner with the family and the wife’s new “boyfriend.” Daniel also has an important dinner meeting at the same restaurant with a tv exec that could give him the role of a lifetime. It’s a hilarious scene filled with intrigue and suspense as Daniel must frantically switch back and forth between himself and Mrs. Doubtfire. The audience is highly entertained during what is the climax of the movie and the point when Mrs. Doubtfire’s true identity is sadly exposed.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Genre Conventions

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: The list of genre conventions is great. I wish I had it years ago. Delivering on the genre is important, or the audience will feel cheated.

Title: New Mom or AI Mom (I’m open to suggestions.)

Concept: A family hires an AI to help around the house when mom’s away for work, but the AI wants to take mom’s place permanently.

Genre: family comedy

CONVENTIONS OF COMEDY​:

INCONGRUENCE:​ An AI is hired to fill Mom’s shoes, and she wants to take Mom’s place permanently.

MECHANICS OF COMEDY:​ The AI is initially a “fish out of water” as she figures out how everything around the house works and learns what being a wife and mother means.

COMEDIC PROTAGONIST(S):​ The family thinks that the answer to all their problems is hiring an AI, but as time passes, the AI becomes the biggest problem they must work together to overcome.

STRONG STORY:​ It has a strong moral worldview that stresses the importance of family, protecting, and going out on a limb for one another. The movie also applauds the commitment to marriage and overcoming difficult seasons with a spouse.

Act 1: (1-30)

Opening – It opens with an average family and their hectic morning routine. Mom warns everyone that she will soon be out of town for work and that they will have to pick up the slack. Mom asks Dad to pick between two dresses. Although the black is his favorite and is connected to an intimate moment that they shared in the past, he deems it too sexy for work.

Inciting Incident – The family agrees to hire an AI to help fill mom’s shoes instead.

Turning Point – Unbeknowst to the family, the AI decides that she wants to permanently take the mom’s place. The AI puts on Mom’s shoes literally with the sexy black dress. The dad feels confused and angry with the mom.

Act 2: (30-50)

New plan – The AI is winning over the family. Even with the “fish out of water” mishaps, the family loves her, and she can do no wrong in their eyes.

Plan in action – The AI makes a plot to get rid of the mom. Little by little, the mom is being replaced by the AI. The family is blind to this at first.

Midpoint Turning Point – The family discovers the AI’s evil plan.

Act 3: (50-70)

Rethink everything – Maybe the AI isn’t so great. The AI makes mistakes trying to be the “perfect mom and wife.”

New plan – The family decides to get rid of the AI. The family and home are being destroyed.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Getting rid of the AI isn’t so easy, and now the AI is out for revenge. The war has begun.

Act 4: (70-95)

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – It’s one last fight to the “death” as the family pulls together to get rid of the AI.

Resolution – With the AI destroyed, the family can find a new normal, working together for everyone’s good. Mom has her shoes and dress back.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: While my outline seems overly simple, mapping out the big picture points helped me a great deal, and I believe each point moves the story forward and delivers on the concept.

Concept: A family hires an AI to help around the house when mom’s away for work, but the AI wants to take mom’s place permanently.

Main Conflict: An AI is hired to help around the house but becomes a threat to the family.

Old Ways: Mom did everything for everyone in the family and always put her desires last. The rest of the family takes advantage of the mom and is unappreciative.

New Ways: Mom finds common ground where she can have her dreams come to life and still be there for her family. The family learns to work together and has a new appreciation for one another.

Act 1:

Opening – It opens with an average family and their hectic morning routine. Mom warns everyone that she will soon be out of town for work and that they will have to pick up the slack.

Inciting Incident – The family agrees to hire an AI to help fill mom’s shoes instead.

Turning Point – Unbeknowst to the family, the AI wants to permanently take the mom’s place.

Act 2:

New plan – The AI is winning over the family. It’s all fun and games with the new AI, and life seems to be perfect for the family.

Plan in action – The AI makes a plot to get rid of the mom.

Midpoint Turning Point – The family discovers the AI’s evil plan.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – Maybe the AI isn’t so great.

New plan – The family decides to get rid of the AI.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Getting rid of the AI isn’t so easy, and now the AI is out for revenge.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – It’s one last fight to the “death” as the family pulls together to get rid of the AI.

Resolution – With the AI destroyed, the family can find a new normal, working together for everyone’s good.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Subtext Plot

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: The term “subtext plot” is new to me. I love subtext, and this list gives me specific ways to add subtext to my story, a very valuable tool!

My Subtext Plots:

Someone Hides Who They Are: The AI hides the fact that she wants to take over the mom’s place permanently, which means she needs to find a way to get rid of the mom. Also, while the AI seems perfect, she has some glitches that she tries to hide. This plot will add a layer of suspense and intrigue.

The Fish Out of Water: When the AI takes on a new position to fill in for a wife and mom of three, everything about the home, family, and daily life is a new experience for her. This plot will play out as a comedy.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Transformational Journey

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: I see the whole family as the protagonists in my story, so I feel like I need to do this lesson for each family member. Going through this lesson for the mom really helped define her character for me and will be a great help when I begin writing the script.

Character Arc for your Protagonist: Mom

Arc Beginning: disappointed with her life

Arc Ending: fighting to keep the life she’s built

Internal/External Journey:

Internal Journey: Mom is torn between what she wants and needs versus what others want/expect from her.

External Journey: Mom goes back to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom but has a battle on her hands when an AI wants to take her over her role as wife and mother.

Old Ways/New Ways:

Old Ways: Mom did everything for everyone in the family and always put her desires last.

New Ways: Mom finds common ground where she can have her dreams come to life and still be there for her family.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Intentional Lead Characters

My Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: My main characters each have a purpose, and that is to deliver on the concept. I need to think of ways to make my characters unique to my story and make sure they fulfill their purpose.

Title: NEW MOM or AI MOM

Genre: family comedy

Concept: When a family hires an AI to help around the house when mom’s away for work, the AI wants to take mom’s place permanently.

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Character: AI Mom, Alex

Logline: Alex seems so perfect when she arrives at the Anderson’s home to help out when the mom’s away for work, but she likes her new life so much that she wants to take mom’s place permanently.

Unique: She seems like a Stepford wife, but she has an evil plan.

Character: the Anderson family

Logline: When a family hires an AI to help out when mom’s away, they get more than they bargained for and must work together to keep the family intact.

Unique: Each family member has different needs and struggles when the mom decides to return to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom.

Character: Mom

Logline: When Mom returns to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom, hiring an AI to help around the house seems like a good idea until the AI wants to take her place permanently.

Unique: middle-aged mom returning to work for the first time in years

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

Genre: family comedy

Title: NEW MOM

Concept: When a family hires an AI to help around the house when mom’s away for work, the AI wants to take mom’s place permanently.

Hook: Fatal Attraction as a family comedy

Character Structure: Protagonist vs. Antagonist (Family vs. an AI)

[Lori Lance]

My script still needs a lot of work, but I love my characters and the storyline, so I will keep working until I am satisfied with the end result.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Chronological Edit

Having late access to the class and taking the course alone made me feel disempowered. I ended up with a script that seemed like a Cliff Notes version of a full screenplay, but I am persevering. My biggest problem is with my outline. I’m going back to it to try to flesh out the story more. However, I love my characters and story, so I will stick with it until I am happy with the end result.

[Lori Lance]

Hi everyone!

My name is Lori Lance. I’m excited to be a part of this class and glad to see a few familiar names here. I’ve taken SU’s Pro Series, Alternative TV, Fearlessness, and the Profound Movie. I’ve written eight features and a few tv scripts. What I hope to get out of this class is to learn to write scripts that sell.

I have two adult children and two eleven-year-olds that my husband and I adopted from China. I do not work outside the home and am blessed to be able to spend time writing. I am passionate about creating family-friendly entertainment.

Looking forward to taking this journey with you guys, and I hope to stay empowered.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of Writing Incredible Movies, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, through social media, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, videos, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Solved Scene Problems

What I learned is to look at every scene individually to see if it works.

Before:

EXT. QUANT SMALL TOWN AT CHRISTMAS TIME – DAY

Like a scene from a Thomas Kinkade painting, the idyllic small-town main street is decorated for Christmas. Shoppers are in and out of storefronts. And children are playing in the snow.

This opening scene is weak and possibly cliche. I need to set it up as the opposite of the ending scene.

EXT. QUANT SMALL TOWN AT CHRISTMAS TIME – DAY

An UPBEAT CHRISTMAS SONG

Like a scene from a Thomas Kinkade painting, the idyllic small-town main street is decorated for Christmas. Shoppers are in and out of storefronts. And children are playing in the snow.

PASTOR THOMAS walks down the snowy sidewalk, sliding in his dress shoes. He’s a middle-aged man whose face is weathered from grief. Thomas steps into a puddle and GASPS. He picks up his foot and shakes it as if that might help.

An EXHAUSTED MOM AND TWO SMALL CHILDREN exit the storefront near Thomas. The baby is CRYING, and the toddler is SCREAMING.

Thomas gives the mother a fake smile.

The smile is knocked off Thomas’ face when a snowball whizzes toward him and hits him in the face.

As Thomas is whipping his face, he spots an elderly man, HENRY SPENCER, across the street. Henry looks weak and possibly has spent his life falling off and on the wagon.

Thomas and Henry make very brief eye contact, and Thomas hurries down the street and into the church.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Solved Character Problems

What I learned is to keep asking myself how I can improve my characters.

Check your lead characters to see if they have any of the problems listed in this lesson.

A. Weak protagonist or antagonist.

Make these characters more clearly defined. I realized that my antagonist represents the person the protagonist will eventually become if he doesn’t change. I want the reader/audience to see this as well.

B. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad.C. Weak character intros.

My character intros could be stronger.

D. Characters not in action.E. Protagonist’s journey not strong.

My protagonist’s journey needs to be more clearly defined, and I’d like the journey to show him in the stages of grief.

F. All the characters seem the same.G. Lead characters not present

The protagonist is very present in nearly every scene. I feel like I have a character that I need to flesh out more. He’s a young man thinking about marriage and asking if it’s better to have loved and lost than never have loved.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Solved Structure Problems

What I learned from this assignment is the importance of working through my structure again. I gained a lot of clarity.

Act 1:

Opening/Old Ways: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue?

An upbeat Christmas song plays against a depressing scene to lure the audience. It will have a bookend ending with an idyllic Christmas scene.

My lead character is stuck in a grief cycle and has trouble moving on. Through dialogue, the theme is stated, “Is it better to love and lost than never have loved at all?”

Thomas is stuck in many ways, and he is having trouble writing the Christmas sermon, “Hope for Christmas,” which is also the title of the script.

Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey?

Thomas gets a phone call. Someone from his congregation has been killed in a car wreck.

Turning Point: How is this Turning Poing a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?”

Thomas’ wife was also killed in a car wreck, and so this incident makes him relive the pain and unforgiveness.

Act 2:

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point?

Thomas decides to skip Christmas, but is that possible for a church pastor?

Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan?

He puts away all his Christmas decorations and hides the Christmas tree in a hall closet.

Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, creating a reveal that changes everything while keeping us on the same journey? Thomas goes Christmas shopping in order to give another family the perfect Christmas he wishes he could have, but it backfires, and he spirals down into depression.

Act 3:

React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? As Pastor of a church, it’s impossible for him to skip Christmas.

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? He decides that he will go through the motions and pretend.

Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way. Everything is falling apart at church, and then his wife’s killer chooses the worst timing to confront him.

Act 4:

Dilemma: What emotional dilemma requires the protagonist to choose between two alternatives, losing something with either choice? If Thomas continues this way, he will lose much more. If he gets past this, he will have to forgive his wife’s killer.

Climax/Ultimate @xpression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically? Thomas falls asleep at the foot of the cross. When he wakes, he cleans himself up, appearing to be his best self, and then he confronts his wife’s killer and forgives.

Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?

With the removal of hate and unforgiveness, Thomas is able to find hope for Christmas again.

New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue? Thomas takes part in the traditional Christmas celebrations with newfound hope and joy.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Filled In Missing Scenes

What I learned…reading through my script so far, I am happy with the story and characters, but it needs to be fleshed out much more.

INT. THOMAS’ HOUSE – DAY

Thomas cleans himself up and looks his best, preparing to meet his wife’s killer.

(This is important because Thomas needs to put his best foot forward and not look like he’s an emotional mess.)

INT. THOMAS’ HOUSE – DAY

Thomas allows Christmas back into his home, and the tree and decorations are put back in place.

Thomas looks at his wife’s picture once more and says her name once more, but this time it’s different.

(This scene is important because we need to see that change has occurred. Thomas has accepted his wife’s death and made peace.)

EXT. CHURCH – NIGHT

The live nativity scene is angelic and going off without a hitch this time. Miriam steps forward and leads the onlookers in “Holy Night.” Thomas joins in.

(This scene is important to end the script because it shows the town coming together and celebrating, leaving the audience with hope.)

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Act 4 Resolution

INT. CHURCH – CHRISTMAS MORNING

Everyone is dressed in their best Christmas clothes in the packed church as all are smiling and singing a Christmas song together along with the choir on stage.

As the song ends, the choir sits, and Thomas walks up on stage to a podium where he lays down his Bible. He looks out at the crowd.

Some look back at Thomas with worry. Excited children are having trouble sitting still in the seats. Near the back of the church sits Henry and also the Anderson family.

Thomas is taken by surprise but then stares down at his Bible. He looks back at the people and almost smiles.

THOMAS

In this world, we are all searching for light. We are drawn to it because it is the only thing that can illuminate the dark places that scare us the most. We celebrate Christmas to remember that Jesus came to be our light, our hope. Isaiah 60:20 says, For the Lord will be our everlasting light, and the days of our sorrow will be over.

MONTAGE

Children play in the snow. The Anderson family has a pleasant Christmas dinner in their home. Thomas is at Miriam’s house with her large extended family, and he smiles as he enjoys his coffee and pie. That night the live nativity is perfect, and a single star in the sky shines bright as the onlookers join in a Christmas carol.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Act 4 Climax

What I learned with this assignment was a realization about my antagonist. I’ve been using my change agent as the antagonist when Thomas’ real antagonist is Henry Spencer, his wife’s killer. He’s had a minor role in this script so far, but Thomas must confront him for the climax.

Key Scene 3:

Beginning: Thomas confronts Henry, ready to forgive him.

Middle: Henry is a mess and doesn’t want to accept forgiveness because he can’t forgive himself.

End: Thomas and Henry come to terms with each other and the truth.

EXT./INT. HENRY SPENCER’S HOME

Outside the small humble-looking home stands Thomas. He looks around, fidgets, and straightens his jacket and tie. He stares at the door and takes a deep breath before he KNOCKS.

Thomas looks like he wishes he could take it back. Maybe he should leave quickly. He looks back over his shoulder at his truck, but then the doorknob is turned, and the door creeks open.

Henry looks at Thomas with surprise, then concern.

HENRY SPENCER

Thomas?

THOMAS

Henry.

Henry opens the door further and invites in Thomas.

HENRY SPENCER

I didn’t expect to see you again.

THOMAS

Why’s that? It’s a small town.

HENRY SPENCER

I just didn’t, that’s all.

THOMAS

Henry, you can never undo what you did.

HENRY SPENCER

Oh, how I wish…

THOMAS

I’m just a man like yourself.

HENRY SPENCER

If I could erase my past.

THOMAS

If we were to all get what we deserve, we would all be most miserable.

HENRY SPNECER

Miserable.

Thomas gets emotional.

THOMAS

But God, but God forgave me of my sins, so I must forgive you if I’m to ever have peace and joy in my life again.

Henry begins crying, and he sits down on the couch.

HENRY SPENCER

I’m so sorry. I would never hurt someone on purpose. I know what’s it’s like to lose family.

THOMAS

But you did, and that’s something you will have to come to terms with. Maybe you need to get some help.

HENRY SPENCER

I’ve tried, but it’s just so hard. I’m not sure there’s any point to it now.

THOMAS

Make your last days your best, Henry, and make sure you don’t hurt anyone else.

Henry shakes his head in agreement.

Thomas looks around the room that seems so dark and lonely and then back at the frail-looking shell of a man, Henry. He nods his head and then leaves.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Act 4 First Scenes

Key Scene 1:

Beginning: Thomas goes to the sanctuary to pray.

Middle: Miriam and John pray for Thomas at their homes.

End: He falls asleep at the altar.

Key Scene 2:

Beginning: Thomas awakens beside the church alter.

Middle: He is confronted.

End: He leaves to talk to his wife’s killer.

INT. CHURCH – NIGHT

Thomas walks to the sanctuary that is now dimly lit.

He walks to the front of the stage and kneels at the altar.

He bows his head quietly for a moment and then looks up at the cross.

THOMAS

God, tell me what to do. I can’t keep on like this.

Thomas bows again in prayer.

INT. JOHN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

John is praying.

INT. MIRIAM’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Miriam is praying.

INT. CHURCH – NEXT MORNING

Thomas is still at the altar but asleep. He wakes to the side door CREAKING open.

Shirley enters and sees Thomas lying at the alter in a disheveled appearance.

SHIRLEY

Thomas!

Shirley hurries toward him.

Thomas is slow to stand and seems to hurt all over.

THOMAS

It’s okay. I’m alright. I’m just getting old.

SHIRLEY

I’m older than you.

Thomas smiles wearily.

THOMAS

I’m okay.

Thomas makes his way to the door, and on the way out,

THOMAS

Have a good day, Shirley.

Shirley ponders his leaving.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Completed Act 3

What I learned is to keep moving forward. When I stop to analyze, I feel overwhelmed and stuck.

Added Scene to Scene to Act 3:

INT. THOMAS’ OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Thomas rushes into his office and closes the door behind him. He picks up the picture of Joan off of his desk.

THOMAS

(sobs)

Joan.

After a few moments of Thomas trying to gain his composure, there’s a KNOCK on the door.

THOMAS

(barely audible)

Yes?

John opens the door. He and Miriam stand there looking bewildered at Thomas.

JOHN

Thomas, is everything alright? Is there anything I can do?

Thomas shakes his head.

THOMAS

No one can fix this. I just need some time alone.

JOHN

You know, you can call me anytime. I’ll be praying.

Thomas looks at John, who nods and leaves.

Miriam remains standing just in the doorway while John’s FOOTSTEPS disappear down the hallway.

MIRIAM

Henry Spencer took Joan from you. Please don’t let him take everyone else too.

Thomas looks at Miriam, and tears again fill his eyes.

Miriam turns and leaves.

Thomas listens to her FOOTSTEPS, and then a distant DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.

Thomas walks to the doorway, looking down the dark hallway that leads to the sanctuary.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Act 3 Turning Point

What I learned from this assignment is that the Act 3 turning point must bring my protagonist to their lowest point so that Act 4 will have the most significant impact.

Key Scene, Turning Point 3:

Beginning: The Christmas play ends with a beautiful song about Immanuel.

Middle: Thomas avoids speaking to people at the church.

End: Thomas is confronted by his wife’s killer.

INT. CHURCH – NIGHT

The Christmas play is wrapping up on stage in front of an audience seated in the church.

GEORGE is well and back to playing the father’s role in the play.

GEORGE

Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

The stage darkens on the “family Christmas,” and a WOMAN appears alone on the stage in a white robe and sings a beautiful song about Immanuel.

Thomas sits solemnly in the audience near the back of the church.

INT. CHURCH – A LITTLE LATER

John and Miriam are greeting people on the way out of the church at the exit doors.

Thomas reluctantly responds to a few people who greet him as he makes his way to his office.

Many give Thomas an apologetic look. Still, others seem to be avoiding him.

Thomas makes hurries past many as he makes his way toward his office, and then,…

HENRY SPENCER

(from behind Thomas)

Pastor Thomas?

Thomas freezes and fearfully turns toward Henry. The sight of the man responsible for Joan’s death brings up the worst anger and heartache all at once as evident by the look on his face.

HENRY SPENCER

That was a beautiful play.

Thomas stares through him and doesn’t respond.

HENRY SPENCER

You’ve probably heard that I’m not doing well.

Miriam and John continue shaking hands and offering warm Christmas wishes.

Miriam notices Henry talking with Thomas and looks worried.

THOMAS

Uh,…

HENRY SPENCER

I’m not here for me. I want to make amends. But, I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. I don’t deserve it. I wish it had been me and not Joan.

THOMAS

Don’t, don’t say her name.

HENRY SPENCER

I’m sorry, Thomas. You will never have to see me again.

Henry walks out of the church, past a shocked Miriam on his way out.

Miriam and Thomas meet eyes.

Thomas spins around and hurries to his office.

INT. THOMAS’ OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

Thomas rushes into his office and closes the door behind him. He picks up the picture of Joan off of his desk.

THOMAS

(sobs)

Joan.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Act 3 Middle Scenes

What I learned… I’m feeling overwhelmed, and my page count is way behind what it should be. I will keep moving forward, reminding myself that this is the first draft.

Key Scene 2 Outline:

Beginning: Little Girl talks about Joan. Thomas becomes withdrawn and distracted.

Middle: Thomas acts out the perfect family Christmas scene

End: The play practice is suddenly interrupted.

Key Scene 3 Outline:

Beginning: John appears with mud all over his clothes. There’s a problem with the calf in the live nativity scene.

Middle: Thomas chases the calf and ends up on his face in the mud in front of the church sign that welcomes everyone to the Christmas Day service about hope.

End: John sees that onlookers are laughing, and the local news is recording the embarrassing scene.

EXT. CHURCH – NIGHT

The live nativity now has a calf, a nervous and agitated one, however, that has no reverence for the remarkable scene that he’s been pulled into.

The street is full of slow-driving cars. The sidewalks are crowded with onlookers.

There’s even a local news van recording the angelic scene until the calf decides that he’s had enough.

The calf bucks and then head butts the sheep, who is not amused. And then there’s a donkey that decides he’s had enough as well.

The angelic scene quickly becomes a comical mess of animals running wild, and the crowd panics.

John sees the calf has caused all the problems and gives chase.

The news reporter is quick to make the most of the disturbance.

INT./EXT. CHURCH – NIGHT

Thomas gathers on the stage for another play practice with the “Mother,” Tween Boy, and the Little Girl.

Thomas sits in a rocking chair, takes the Bible next to him, and opens it.

The Little Girl watches him.

THOMAS

(to Little Girl)

Hello.

LITTLE GIRL

Ms. Miriam is baking me a special pie, just for me.

THOMAS

Of course, she is. I wonder what kind.

LITTLE GIRL

Chocolate.

THOMAS

Oh, a classic.

The Little Girl acts like she’s unsure of Thomas.

LITTLE GIRL

Miss Joan was always nice to me.

Thomas is taken back and doesn’t speak.

LITTLE GIRL

I liked her best.

THOMAS

Me, too.

Thomas is about to lose it, when…

PLAY DIRECTOR

Everyone take your places.

The Little Girl and tween boy sit in front of the Christmas tree with opened presents and strewn paper around them. The Mother wears her Sunday best covered with an apron. She smiles as she looks at her family.

THOMAS

Let me read you the Christmas story.

Thomas is trying to act cheerful but is not very convincing.

Suddenly, the side door of the church flings open, and John appears covered in mud.

The Play Director GASPS.

PLAY DIRECTOR

John, what are you doing in the church with those muddy clothes?

Thomas jumps up from his chair.

JOHN

The calf started a ruckus, and now all the animals have gotten loose.

Thomas runs off the stage to help John.

JOHN

It’s a fiasco.

Thomas and John run outside where others are trying to catch the animals.

Thomas sees the calf and runs in its direction.

THOMAS

Let’s see if we can corner the calf.

The calf is fast and keeps switching directions.

Thomas catches up with him near the church’s sign in front of church.

The calf slows to a stop, and it looks like Thomas has him.

Thomas lunges toward it. The calf darts away, and Thomas does a face plant in the mud. When he looks up, he sees the lit sign welcoming the community to the Christmas Day sermon, Hope for Christmas.

Thomas then sees the local news recording the mess. The crowd of people, some laughing.

John finally catches the calf and gives Thomas a bewildered smile.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Act 3 Reaction to Midpoint

Act 3 Scenes:

Key Scene 1: React/Rethink the new reality revealed by Midpoint

If Thomas continues down this path, he may lose everyone else, not just his wife.

Key Scene 2: Makes a new plan.

He will pretend that everything is fine.

Key Scene 3: Things start going well, until…

Pretending nearly kills him.

Key Scene 4: Turning Point – Protagonist faces their lowest low.

Thomas spirals downward, and all hope is lost.

Key Scene 1:

INT. CHURCH – CONTINUOUS

Thomas enters the church’s side door near the front of the church, where a choir is gathered and practicing Christmas carols.

The church is beautifully decorated with candles and poinsettias. And the singing is almost angelic. The emotion of it all takes Thomas by surprise, and he has to sit down on the front pew.

As he takes it all in, he notices Miriam singing in the choir. She’s looking right at him, almost through him.

Thomas crosses his arms and looks down at the floor.

The music comes to an end.

CHOIR LEADER

Great practice, everyone. I’ll see you all again Thursday at 6:30.

Thomas remains seated as the choir disperses and leaves, taking their coats and other belongings. Some give Thomas a sorry look as they walk by, while others seem to avoid eye contact with him, and then there’s Miriam, who hangs back and is the last remaining choir member.

Miriam slowly gathers her things and waits until the others have left before walking over to sit on the pew with Thomas.

THOMAS

Good evening, Miriam.

MIRIAM

Thomas.

THOMAS

Is there something on your mind?

MIRIAM

As a matter of fact, there is. Did you hear about Chelsea’s funeral?

THOMAS

I did.

MIRIAM

If you continue acting this way, you’re going to let Henry Spencer take everyone from you, not just Joan.

Miriam looks at Thomas for a long time, waiting for a response, but when she doesn’t get one. She takes her things and leaves.

Thomas watches the door close behind her and then looks at the cross at the back of the stage.

Thomas SIGHS.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Has Completed Act 1

What I learned from this assignment is to keep pressing on and to be okay with the first draft. There’s still lots of work to be done.

Short Transition Scene:

INT. THOMAS’ HOUSE – NIGHT

Thomas is in his chair. The blank yellow legal pad sits on the table next to him, and his holding his closed Bible in his hands.

A SIREN is heard from the street in front of Thomas’ house.

Thomas looks toward the window as the lights from an ambulance going by can be seen through the curtains.

THOMAS

Dear, God.

Thomas bows his head.

The phone RINGS.

Thomas doesn’t answer it.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Act 2 TP – Midpoint

What I learned from this assignment is…this is the same journey, but with a different meaning now.

Outline Scene:

EXT. CHURCH – NIGHT

Beginning – Thomas arrives and sees the live nativity scene, then drives around to the back of the church.

Middle – John has new information about the wreck that killed Chelsea Peterson.

End – The conversation turns dark and hints at Joan’s cause of death.

EXT. CHURCH – NIGHT

A beautiful live nativity is set up in front of the church. There are other cars stopping to look, and an audience along the sidewalk.

Thomas makes his way around to the back of the church to the parking lot.

John drives up in a truck hauling a small animal trailer.

The men GREET one another.

JOHN

Good news, I’ve found a calf.

John pats the side of the trailer.

THOMAS

That’s great.

JOHN

I heard some news today.

Thomas looks with concern.

THOMAS

Yeah?

JOHN

It’s about Chelsea Peterson’s death.

Thomas furrows his brow with worry.

JOHN

It’s what they expected, an accident due to the icy roads. No one was at fault.

Thomas nods.

THOMAS

I guess that’s good to know. But who do you blame, when there’s no one to blame, God?

John looks shocked.

JOHN

Do you blame someone for Joan’s death?

THOMAS

Henry Spencer, drunk as a skunk.

JOHN

He did his time.

THOMAS

Six months? You call that time?

JOHN

You know why they released him early. He’s seventy years old and in bad health.

THOMAS

Forget it. Why are we talking about this again?

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Act 2 Middle Scenes

What I learned from this assignment is to keep the momentum going to be creative, not allowing myself to analyze at this point.

Scene 2 Outline:

INT./EXT. DEPARTMENT STORE –

Beginning – Thomas is about to check out with just a few items, and then he sees a little girl eyeing a dollhouse.

Middle – Thomas goes on a shopping spree and buys a cart full of presents, including the dollhouse.

End – Thomas finds a hair comb in the car that belonged to his late wife.

Scene 3 Outline:

Beginning – Thomas drives up to the farmhouse and unloads the presents, hoping not to get caught.

Middle – The whole family confronts Thomas and questions what he’s doing.

End – Thomas has crossed boundaries and upset the family that he wanted to help.

INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY

Thomas is standing in the checkout line with evidence of his bachelor days in the cart, cans of soup, and frozen dinners. Something or someone catches his eyes.

A LITTLE GIRL has her face planted against the front window of the store mesmerized by a dollhouse on display with other toys and boxes and paper strewn like it’s Christmas morning. THE LITTLE GIRL’S FATHER walks up behind her and sees the dollhouse.

Disappointment spreads across the Father’s face as he ushers the little girl away.

It’s Thomas’ turn in line when the CASHIER follows his gaze.

CASHIER

The Andersons are such a good family. They sure have had some hard times.

The Cashier just realizes that the person she’s talking to is Thomas.

CASHIER

Pastor Thomas.

Thomas nods.

THOMAS

I need to get a few more things.

Thomas turns his cart away and leaves the line.

Thomas goes up and down the aisles quickly filling his cart with the makings of a big Christmas dinner, along with toys and a few rolls of wrapping paper.

When he returns to the line, he is somewhat out of breath.

CASHIER

A few things?

THOMAS

Yes, uh, where are those dollhouses located in the store?

Thomas points to the dollhouse in the window.

CASHIER

That’s the last one. You can have it for ten percent off, and it’s already assembled.

Thomas nods.

THOMAS

I’ll take it.

EXT. PARKING LOT – A LITTLE LATER

Thomas is trying to fit everything he bought into his car. The trunk is fairly full, and the dollhouse still has to fit. He opens the back door and slides the passenger seat forward. He spots something under the seat.

A fancy hair comb, which the sight of seems to suck the life right out of Thomas. He’s almost brought to his knees, when…

JOHN

Thomas, is everything okay?

Thomas is startled back to reality.

THOMAS

Yes,

(beat)

Yes, fine. I’m just having trouble getting this into the car.

Thomas quickly grabs the hair comb and puts it in the front seat.

John helps Thomas get the dollhouse into the back seat.

JOHN

Are your grandkids coming after all?

THOMAS

No, no, I’m picking this up for someone else.

JOHN

Who’s the lucky little girl?

THOMAS

Tabitha Penn.

JOHN

Oh, are you sure that’s a good idea?

Thomas closes the door and briefly glances at the front seat.

THOMAS

I just thought someone deserved to have a good Christmas.

JOHN

Okay, do you want me to help with anything?

THOMAS

No, you’ve got plenty to take care of already.

Thomas goes around to the driver’s side.

THOMAS

Thanks, John.

Thomas gets into his car and drives away.

John watches him with concern

INT. CAR – DAY

Thomas is driving. The dollhouse now has a big bow on it, and other wrapped presents take up much of the car.

Thomas stops briefly at the end of a long dirt driveway in front of an old farmhouse.

EXT. FARMHOUSE – A LITTLE LATER

Thomas places the dollhouse on the front porch first, then the other presents, and a box of food. He moves as quickly as he can like he’s trying not to get caught.

Suddenly, a little dog appears at the window and BARKS.

THOMAS

Shh, boy, it’s okay.

The dog is joined by the little girl from the department store, Tabitha.

Tabitha sees the dollhouse and SHRIEKS in delight. She runs out onto the front porch in her sock feet.

The Father and MOTHER, and BABY BROTHER are all out the front door to find out what the commotion is all about.

FATHER

Reverend?

THOMAS

Greg, you can call me Thomas.

Thomas holds out his hand toward Greg, who reluctantly shakes it.

FATHER

Reverend Thomas. What’s exactly is going on here?

THOMAS

I’m just the delivery guy.

(to Tabitha)

Someone wanted to make sure your Christmas was extra special.

TABITHA

Santa?

Thomas LAUGHS.

Greg looks at all the stuff, and then toward his wife.

GREG

Lauren, you take the kids inside.

Thomas and Greg stand silently until the others are inside.

Tabitha briefly appears at the window again to smile and wave at Thomas. The mother leads her away.

GREG

I’m still not sure what this is all about, but I don’t like taking charity.

He looks at the box of food.

GREG

We already received the Food for Families meal, and this is just too much. It’s like Santa came and dumped his whole sleigh on our front porch.

THOMAS

Maybe it’s a bit much, but it’s given with the best intentions.

GREG

Maybe so, but you should have asked first. You should take it back, or give it to someone else. We don’t even go to your church.

Thomas appears distraught.

THOMAS

Please, I can’t take it back. I just wanted your family to have a nice Christmas.

GREG

So did I, but I can’t afford all this right now. Don’t you think I wanted to get my daughter that dollhouse?

Thomas is on the verge of tears.

THOMAS

Of course, I meant no harm. Please accept my apology. You can do what you want with the stuff.

Thomas hurries back to his car and drives away. His eyes fill with tears, and then he spots the hair comb still in the seat beside him, and he loses it.

THOMAS

Joan.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Reaction to TP 1

Outline Scene:

Beginning: Thomas is still in his chair.

Middle: Miriam shows up with pie, and Thomas turns it down, upsetting Miriam.

End: Miriam gets her car stuck in the ditch. Thomas helps her, and both fall in the snow and end up laughing in the process.

Scene:

INT./EXT. THOMAS’ HOUSE – NIGHT

Thomas is still in his chair when lights shine into the front window when a car pulls into his driveway.

Thomas SIGHS, gets up and goes to the front door. When he opens the door, he sees Miriam bundled up and trudging through the snow and balancing a pie in her hands.

THOMAS

(under his breath)

Miriam.

Thomas looks back at the closet that holds the Christmas tree and spots the partial branch and tinsel sticking out. He runs over and quickly opens the door to tuck them out of sight. He shuts the door and runs back to the front door.

From Miriam’s POV, we see a bewildered Thomas standing at the door.

MIRIAM

(under her breath)

Thomas.

BACK TO THOMAS’ POV

THOMAS

What on earth are you doing, Miriam?

MIRIAM

Now, please don’t get upset with me, Thomas. You know I bring a pie here every Christmas. It’s a tradition.

THOMAS

You shouldn’t have got out in this weather. I already told you not to come. I don’t need pie.

MIRIAM

No one needs pie, but I wanted to bring it just like I do every year.

THOMAS

It’s very charitable of you, but I’m sure there’s a family in town you could give it to that would appreciate it.

MIRIAM

You don’t appreciate me?

THOMAS

Of course, I do. That’s not what I meant.

MIRIAM

Every year I bring pecan. I thought it was your favorite.

Thomas gets an uncomfortable look on his face.

MIRIAM

(gasps)

It was Joan’s favorite. Wasn’t it?

Miriam grows more upset by the moment.

THOMAS

It’s alright, Miriam. I’ll take the pie.

MIRIAM

No, no,… I’m sorry.

Miriam practically runs back toward her car with the pie still in hand.

THOMAS

Miriam.

Miriam puts the pie in the backseat of her car and rushes to get in the car to make a quick getaway, but her car slides sideways in the snow and gets stuck in the ditch.

Miriam hits the steering wheel in exasperation.

MIRIAM

(to herself)

What have you gone and done now?

Thomas appears in his coat and holding a shovel.

Miriam rolls down the window.

MIRIAM

I’m afraid I’ve made a mess of things.

THOMAS

You’ve done nothing wrong.

Thomas digs out the lodged snow behind the back wheels of Miriam’s car.

Miriam rolls the window up and nervously taps on the steering wheel.

As Thomas walks back around to her window, he slips and falls.

Miriam jumps out of the car to help him, and she falls too.

They lay there stunned for a moment, and then they both have a good LAUGH.

THOMAS

We’re getting too old for this. Next time I’ll just take the pie.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Finished Act I

What I learned from this assignment is to keep empowering myself and keep moving forward without being critical of my first draft.

Added scene:

INT. CHURCH – DAY

Beginning – Thomas is still struggling to write his Christmas sermon.

Middle – Thomas is asked to help with play practice.

End – Thomas is left speechless when a little girl accuses him of not liking Christmas.

INT. CHURCH – DAY

Thomas is once again sitting at his desk and staring at a blank yellow legal pad.

The door flies open, startling Thomas.

SHIRLEY

Oh, sorry,…

SHIRLEY is a tiny older woman who is high-wired and ready to spring. KNOCKS on the already open door.

Thomas raises his eyebrows to question.

SHIRLEY

I’m sorry for the intrusion, Pastor Thomas. George is home sick, and we need someone to fill in for the play practice. I figured you already knew the lines, and maybe might could.

THOMAS

Surely you can practice without someone sitting in. You could just read his parts.

SHIRLEY

I think that would be confusing to the children.

Thomas stares at her.

SHIRLEY

It would mean a great deal…

THOMAS

Okay, okay, I’ll be right there.

Shirley gives a smile and nods and hurries out of the office.

Thomas SIGHS.

INT. CHURCH AUDITORIUM – DAY

The small stage in front of the church is set up like a family room decorated at Christmas. The “family” consists of Thomas as the father, a “mother,” and two “children.” All are in their Sunday bests. It’s a warm, idyllic scene for the perfect Christmas.

Thomas sits in a rocking chair beside a decorated tree. The two children sit in front of him as the mother stands to the side and smiles down on them.

THOMAS

(reading lines)

So, children. What is your favorite part of Christmas?

BOY

The presents!

Thomas LAUGHS.

THOMAS

I like presents too, but that isn’t what Christmas is all about.

GIRL

But didn’t people bring presents to baby Jesus?

Thomas looks confused and studies the lines.

THOMAS

That’s not your line, Sweety.

GIRL

But didn’t they.

THOMAS

Yes.

GIRL

I like decorating cookies.

THOMAS

Me too.

GIRL

That’s not your line.

Thomas is getting agitated and SIGHS.

GIRL

You don’t like Christmas. Do you?

Thomas is speechless.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Act 1 Turning Point

What I learned… I’m a little concerned that things aren’t falling where they need to page-wise, but I keep moving forward and remind myself that this is about writing the first draft quickly.

Outline Turning Point Act 1:

INT. THOMAS’ HOUSE

Beginning – A small group from the church congregation is at Thomas’ house decorating for Christmas.

Middle – Thomas’ literally puts away Christmas when they leave.

End – Thomas is distraught as he holds a picture of his late wife.

Turning Point Scene:

INT. THOMAS’ HOUSE – DAY

A GROUP OF FRIENDS from the church are at Thomas’ house to help decorate for Christmas. John and Miriam are among the others there to help.

A couple of women decorate the fireplace mantle. Some garland accidentally obscures a picture of Thomas and his late wife.

TWO GUYS carry a fresh-cut tree and place it in a tree stand.

MIRIAM

What a perfect tree.

Thomas nods.

Miriam opens a bin of lights and other ornaments, and the group decorates the tree together.

There’s some small talk and laughing, but Thomas is fairly quiet. He pretends to be joyful but isn’t very convincing.

INT. THOMAS’ HOUSE – A LITTLE LATER

The decorating is done, and guests are leaving.

Thomas gives each one a heartfelt thank you.

Miriam is the last to leave.

THOMAS

Thank you, Miriam.

MIRIAM

Of course, I’m always happy to help.

(beat)

Oh, shoot, I forgot to bring you a pie.

THOMAS

That’s alright. I don’t need a pie.

MIRIAM

Well, no one needs a pie. I’ll be back.

THOMAS

No, Miriam, that’s quite alright. Thank you.

Miriam gives Thomas a puzzled look.

Thomas closes the door with a SIGH of relief then turns to look over the fully decorated living room. His eyes stop when he gets to the mantle and notices that the picture of him and his late wife is partially hidden behind a string of garland.

He hurries across the room and removes the garland, accidentally knocking over a beautiful snow globe with a winter church scene. The snow globe crashes with water and glass spreading across the floor.

Thomas quickly cleans up the mess with a broom and dustpan and then an old towel.

He picks up the garland once again and looks at it. He then places it back into an empty bin. He hurriedly puts all the Christmas decorations from the mantle back into the container.

But then there’s the tree still taunting him.

He practically tackles it, wrapping his arms around it and scooting it across the floor and finally into a coat closet in the hallway. A branch and a couple of strands of tinsel stick out.

Thomas sees his arms cut up from the tree.

Thomas takes the picture of Joan from the mantle and sits down in his chair to look at it.

THOMAS

(sobbing)

Joan.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Inciting Incident

The phone on Thomas’ desk RINGS and startles Thomas and John.

John answers with a cheerful tone that surprises.

JOHN

Good afternoon. This is Pastor Thomas.

As John listens, his face grows with concern, then bewilderment.

THOMAS

I’m leaving right now. It will take about ten minutes.

Thomas slowly puts down the phone.

THOMAS

Sometimes there really are no words.

JOHN

You always know what to say.

THOMAS

No, I don’t. Joan was always better with this sort of thing.

JOHN

Don’t consult the dead on behalf of the living.

Thomas glares at John.

JOHN

Sorry. You know I’m always on your side.

THOMAS

Don’t quote the bible to me.

JOHN

I didn’t mean it. Joan was always the best with people. What’s going on?

THOMAS

Chelsea Peterson was killed in a car wreck less than two weeks before Christmas.

JOHN

Oh, no…

Thomas grabs his coat and gloves.

THOMAS

The family has asked for me.

John jumps up.

JOHN

I’ll go with you.

As they leave, Thomas accidentally knocks over the wastebasket with all the yellow paper balls spilling out. The word “hope” peeks out and seems to taunt Thomas.

INT. MIRIAM’S HOUSE – DAY

Miriam is taking more pies out of the oven as her phone RINGS.

Miriam hurries and sets down a pie, and she answers it.

MIRIAM

Hello?

Miriam listens with concern.

MIRIAM

Where are they at?

MIRIAM

I’ll be right there.

EXT. CHURCH – DAY

Thomas and John make their way to Thomas’ truck. The snow has not been completely cleared around his truck.

JOHN

Did they say how it happened?

Thomas just shakes his head.

Thomas looks down the sidewalks toward the main street as he climbs into his truck.

The man in the black coat again appears, causing Thomas to almost slide down in the seat to hide.

John looks to see what Thomas is looking at, then looks at Thomas.

JOHN

You can’t keep avoiding…

THOMAS

I’m not!

John gives Thomas a look.

Thomas starts the truck and spins out, sliding sideways in the snow before gaining control and pulling out onto the cleared street.

INT. HOSPTIAL – DAY

Thomas and John enter the hospital and immediately see the GRIEVING FAMILY, Mark, Tammy, and Stefanie. They search Thomas’ face as if they hope he can give them hope.

Thomas stares at the floor as he makes his way toward them.

JOHN

(to family)

I’m so sorry.

Mark BREAKS down in tears.

TAMMY

Thomas?

THOMAS

I’m so sorry, Tammy, Mark.

Thomas looks at the young girl Stefanie and can’t speak.

Mark pulls himself together.

MARK

They haven’t let us see her yet. They said it was her car, and she had her id with her. Do you think there’s any chance that it’s not her?

Mark searches Thomas’ face.

THOMAS

I’ll talk with someone and see if we can find out more.

Mark nods his head and seems okay with that answer.

Miriam walks into the hospital.

Thomas seems somewhat relieved to see her.

MIRIAM

Oh, Tammy.

Tammy SOBS into Miriam’s arms.

THOMAS

(to Miriam)

I’m going to see if we can find out more information.

Thomas walks up to the nurses’ station and is met by a doctor.

DOCTOR

Pastor Thomas.

THOMAS

I’m here with the Peterson family. Is there anything you can tell us?

DOCTOR

The girl most likely died on impact. There were no other cars involved. We do ask that she be identified, just as a…

THOMAS

I can identify her.

DOCTOR

(beat)

Okay. Follow me.

Thomas briefly looks back at the others who are all looking at him.

He nods and follows the Doctor.

INT. MORGUE – CONTINUOUS

Thomas becomes more solemn as he follows the Doctor to a body covered in a sheet.

The Doctor pulls back the sheet and looks at Thomas.

THOMAS

(sobs)

It’s her.

The Doctor quickly covers the body back up.

DOCTOR

I’m sorry. Are you close to the Petersons?

THOMAS

Belong to my congregation.

DOCTOR

Do you want to pray over her?

Thomas gives the Doctor a look and edges closer to the covered body. He bows his head to pray silently and SOBS more.

THOMAS

Death has won again.

Thomas gathers his composer and wipes his face before heading back to the door.

THOMAS

Clean her up before you let the family see her.

The Doctor nods.

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

Thomas steps back into the hallway and looks toward the family.

They search his face and know. Tammy and Stephanie CRY loudly.

Thomas and Miriam’s eyes meet.

Thomas walks back toward them, and then he walks past them and out the doors without saying another word.

Miriam and John look shocked.

John shrugs his shoulders.

Miriam turns her attention back to supporting the family.

JOHN

I’m so sorry. If there’s anything you need at all, please call me.

John hurries out of the hospital toward Thomas, who is in the truck and ready to leave without him.

John jumps into the truck.

JOHN

What was that?

THOMAS

I’m going to find out how the accident happened.

JOHN

What did they tell you?

THOMAS

They said there were no other cars involved.

JOHN

Then there were no other cars involved. The roads were slick. It was an accident.

Thomas speeds off as John watches him with concern.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Opening Scene

What I learned from this assignment is to think of my first draft differently and not get caught up in trying to be perfect. When I began thinking in terms of the first draft being a little more than an outline, it began to flow quickly.

FADE IN:

EXT. QUANT SMALL TOWN AT CHRISTMAS TIME – DAY

Like a scene from a Thomas Kinkade painting, the idyllic small town main street is decorated for Christmas. Shoppers are in and out of storefronts. And children are playing in the snow.

INT. CHURCH – DAY

POV someone looking out a window overlooking the main street. Pastor Thomas steps away from the window in his humble, yet orderly office. He’s a middle-aged man whose face is weathered from grief.

Thomas looks at the December calendar — twelve days until Christmas.

SIGHS

Thomas sits at his desk and eyes the yellow legal pad in front of him. It’s blank except the sermon title, “The Hope of Christmas.”

Thomas picks up a pen and begins frantically writing, and then he just as quickly rips the page off the pad, wads it up, and throws it into the nearby wastebasket that is nearly full of similar wadded up papers.

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

THOMAS

Come in.

John enters with a look of nervous concern. John is in his late thirties and masculine — dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt. He remains standing at the door.

JOHN

Good morning, Thomas.

THOMAS

Is it?

JOHN

Well, the grocery store doesn’t have enough hams for the Food for Family’s Christmas boxes, and another delivery isn’t expected in time.

THOMAS

How many hams are we short?

JOHN

Three.

THOMAS

That’s not that many. I have one in my freezer you can have. I won’t be needing it. And I’m sure if you get the word out to the congregation, we can come up with a couple of more.

JOHN

Yes, that’s a good idea.

THOMAS

Help yourself to a cup of coffee and have a seat.

JOHN

Thanks.

John walks over to the coffeepot and prepares himself a cup.

INT. MIRIAM’S HOUSE – DAY

Smoke detector alarm RINGS through the charming little home of widow Miriam.

Miriam is a tiny spitfire in her late sixties. She rushes to the oven and peers at liquid dripping from a pie and hitting the hot coils and smoking.

Miriam takes a towel and waves it at the alarm until it stops.

She takes the pies out of the oven and accidentally burns herself.

Ahh!

Miriam places the pies from the oven on the counter covered in freshly baked pies.

Miriam puts two more pies in the oven to bake and then sits down to catch her breath.

INT. CHURCH OFFICE – DAY

John is now sitting across the desk from Thomas with their coffees.

John rubs his hands together.

JOHN

I hear Miriam is baking her pies today.

THOMAS

Uh…

A car BACKFIRES from the street outside the church. Thomas gets up to look out the window. He watches a happy couple walking down the sidewalk. Then he watches as an elderly man helps his wife out of their car. Thomas almost smiles.

But then, a man in a long black coat and a hat pulled down that hides his face is spotted leaving a storefront. Thomas takes a deep breath and SIGHS as he moves away from the window.

Thomas sits back down at his desk across from John.

JOHN

Is everything okay?

Thomas nods unconvincingly.

There’s a brief quiet moment, and then,…

THOMAS

Let me guess, it’s not just the hams.

John looks like he really doesn’t want to speak.

JOHN

Well,…the florist called and asked how many poinsettias we need this year and where to place them.

John nods.

THOMAS

Just tell them the same as last year. Is there something else?

JOHN

There’s the matter of the live nativity.

THOMAS

What about it?

JOHN

We no longer have a calf.

THOMAS

Why not? What happened to the Ferginson’s calf?

JOHN

Let’s just say he’s needed elsewhere. Possibly, for Christmas dinner.

THOMAS

Oh. Well, I suppose we will manage with what we have.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Beat Sheet Draft 2

What I learned from today’s assignment is to make sure to interweave the theme and the antagonist into the beats.

Act 1:

EXT. QUANT SMALL TOWN AT CHRISTMAS TIME – DAY

Opening – Introduce the main characters as a small town prepares for Christmas. <div>

Pastor Thomas seems distraught.

Thomas’ friend, John, knows Thomas’ struggles but doesn’t know how to help him.

Theme: Thomas is having trouble writing about hope. (How can we have hope in a dark world?)

Antagonist/change agent, Miriam, is busy baking her Christmas pies.

INT. /EXT. PASTOR THOMAS’ OFFICE – DAY

Inciting Incident – The phone rings. A member of the church dies in an accident. </div><div>

Through the window of his office, Thomas sees a happy couple. Then a mysterious man gets his attention. The man seems to upset him. Thomas’ friend, John, is present.

Theme: The mysterious man represents darkness.

INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Turning Point – Thomas says that death has won again and is unable to comfort a grieving family. </div><div>

Theme: How can we go on after the death of a loved one? Who can comfort us?

Antagonist Miriam steps in to comfort the family and seems agitated with Thomas.

Act 2:

INT./EXT. THOMAS’ HOUSE

A small group gathers in Thomas’ home to help him decorate his tree and mantle for Christmas. </div><div>

Once everyone leaves, Thomas removes all the decorations and shoves the decorated tree into a coat closet.

Theme: How can he go on after the death of a loved one.

Antagonist Miriam comes back to Thomas’ house with her yearly traditional pie gift, and Thomas refuses to accept it, which upsets her. They argue.

Antagonist Miriam and Thomas have a heart to heart, but Thomas isn’t honest with her. Thomas prays when he hears a siren in the distance.

Theme: looking for hope in a dark world.

INT./EXT. STORE

New plan – He will make sure one impoverished family has a perfect Christmas even though he won’t be. So he shops for food for a Christmas feast and toys for their children. </div><div>

Theme: when putting gifts into his car, he finds a hairpin that belonged to his wife. How can he go on?

Thomas tries to avoid antagonists at the store. She spots him and questions what he’s doing.

Act 3:

EXT. FAMILY’S HOME

Plan in action – He crosses boundaries and is asked to stop helping. The father of the impoverished family is embarrassed and wants to provide for his own family.

INT. /EXT. CHURCH – DAY

Thomas’ misplaced anger hurts his friends. </div><div>

Antagonist Miriam continues back and forth, challenging his decisions and motives.

Midpoint Turning Point – Thomas spirals downward into depression and isolates himself.

Theme: How can he go on and where to find hope? Rethink everything – He can’t go on this way.

New plan – He will try to pretend that everything is okay.

Theme: how can we have hope in a dark world?

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Pretending nearly destroys him. Christmas seems to be falling apart.

The antagonist, Miriam, is a good example of what Thomas’ future might look like. She was able to move on. Maybe he can too.

Thomas’ friend John suffers with him as things at the church go awry.

Act 4:

INT. THOMAS’ HOME – NIGHT

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Thomas is brought to the end of himself and pleads with God. He is honest with his friends about his feelings. </div><div>

Theme: Thomas prays and picks up his bible. He stares at the notepad with only the sermon’s title, The Hope of Christmas.

John awakens still in his chair. The sermon is beside him and finished.

The Christmas decorations and tree are back in place.

Theme: Thomas can move on and have hope again.

INT. CHURCH – DAY

Resolution – Hope is restored by Christmas day when Thomas gives a sermon about the hope of Christmas(theme). Thomas makes peace with John and Miriam.
</div>

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s High-Speed Beat Sheet

What I learned from this assignment is to keep moving forward even though I don’t have it all figured out yet.

Act 1:

EXT. QUANT SMALL TOWN AT CHRISTMAS TIME – DAY

Opening – Introduce the main characters as a small town prepares for Christmas. Pastor Thomas seems distraught.

INT. /EXT. PASTOR THOMAS’ OFFICE – DAY

Inciting Incident – The phone rings. A member of the church dies in an accident. Through the window of his office, Thomas sees a happy couple. Then a mysterious man gets his attention. The man seems to upset him.

INT. HOSPITAL – DAY

Turning Point – Thomas says that death has won again and is unable to comfort a grieving family.<div>

Act 2:

INT./EXT. THOMAS’ HOUSE

A small group gathers in Thomas’ home to help him decorate his tree and mantle for Christmas. Once everyone leaves, Thomas removes all the decorations and shoves the decorated tree into a coat closet. Miriam comes back to Thomas’ house with her yearly traditional pie gift, and Thomas refuses to accept it, which upsets her. Miriam and Thomas have a heart to heart, but Thomas isn’t honest with her. Thomas prays when he hears a siren in the distance.

INT./EXT. STORE

New plan – He will make sure one impoverished family has a perfect Christmas even though he won’t be. So he shops for food for a Christmas feast and toys for their children.

Act 3:

EXT. FAMILY’S HOME

Plan in action – He crosses boundaries and is asked to stop helping. The father of the impoverished family is embarrassed and wants to provide for his own family.

INT. /EXT. CHURCH – DAY

Thomas’ misplaced anger hurts his friends. Midpoint Turning Point – Thomas spirals downward into depression and isolates himself. Rethink everything – He can’t go on this way. New plan – He will try to pretend that everything is okay. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Pretending nearly destroys him. Christmas seems to be falling apart.

Act 4:

INT. THOMAS’ HOME – NIGHT

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Thomas is brought to the end of himself and pleads with God. He is honest with his friends about his feelings.

INT. CHURCH – DAY

Resolution – Hope is restored by Christmas day when Thomas gives a sermon about the hope of Christmas.
</div>

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Transformational Events

What I learned doing this assignment is to think of internal changes that need to occur and events that can cause that change to happen.

Character Arc that represents a transformation:

Internal Journey: from hopelessness to hopeful

External Journey: avoiding Christmas festivities since his wife is gone to taking part in community

Old ways:

anger

depression

crossing boundaries

fear

isolation

New ways:

acceptance

joy

respecting boundaries

fearlessness

community

List of 6 – 8 changes or steps that need to happen for that character to go from who they are in the beginning (Old Ways) to who they are in the ending (New Ways):

denial

becomes angry

overcompensates

depression

fear

acceptance

hope

Dramatic events or tests that could cause those changes for the character:

Thomas acts as if everything is fine.

Thomas’ misplaced anger hurts someone.

Thomas goes over the top and crosses boundaries to make Christmas special for impoverished families.

Thomas is told to stop.

He isolates himself and spirals down into depression.

Thomas pretends everything is okay to make others feel better.

Thomas pleads with God.

Thomas is honest about his feelings with his friends.

Thomas feels a glimmer of hope.

Thomas gives a sermon about the hope of Christmas.

Add these transformational events to your four act structure:

Act 1:

Opening – Introduce the main characters as a small town prepares for Christmas. Pastor Thomas seems distraught. Inciting Incident – A member of the church dies in an accident. Turning Point – Thomas decides to skip Christmas.

Act 2:

New plan – He will make sure one impoverished family has a perfect Christmas even though he won’t be. Plan in action – He crosses boundaries and is asked to stop helping. Thomas’ misplaced anger hurts his friends. Midpoint Turning Point – Thomas spirals downward into depression and isolates himself.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – He can’t go on this way. New plan – He will try to pretend that everything is okay. Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Pretending nearly destroys him.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Thomas is brought to the end of himself and pleads with God. He is honest with his friends about his feelings. Resolution – Hope is restored by Christmas day when Thomas gives a sermon about the hope of Christmas.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

Create a first draft of your 4 Act Transformational Structure.

1. Give us the following:

Concept: A small-town pastor who feels like it’s his responsibility to make Christmas memorable for everyone else decides to skip this Christmas after the death of his wife.

Main Conflict:

Internal Journey: from hopelessness to hopeful

External Journey: avoiding Christmas festivities since his wife is gone to taking part in community

Old ways:

anger

depression

crossing boundaries

fear

isolation

New ways:

acceptance

joy

respecting boundaries

fearlessness

community

2. Fill in each of these with the answers you have right now.

Act 1:

Opening – Introduce the main characters as a small town prepares for Christmas. Pastor Thomas seems distraught.

Inciting Incident – A member of the church dies in an accident.

Turning Point – Thomas decides to skip Christmas.

Act 2:

New plan – Thomas will make sure one impoverished family has a perfect Christmas even though he won’t be.

Plan in action – Thomas crosses boundaries and is asked to stop helping.

Midpoint Turning Point – Thomas spirals downward into depression.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – He can’t go on this way.

New plan – He will try to pretend that everything is okay.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Pretending nearly destroys him.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Thomas is brought to the end of himself and seeks help from God and the congregation.

Resolution – Hope is restored by Christmas day when Thomas gives a sermon about the hope of Christmas.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Character Interviews

What I learned from this assignment is to see my characters as real people. It was fun to picture them in my mind and let them speak.

QUESTIONS FOR PROTAGONIST, THOMAS

Tell me about yourself. My name is Thomas. I’ve been the pastor of the Pleasantville country church for nearly thirties years now. My wife, Joan, served beside me for all these years until this year. She died of cancer earlier this year. We have two adult children that live away.

Why do you think you were called to this journey? Why you? I’ve always consoled others going through grief, but now it’s personal. Joan was a gift from God, and she’s been taken away. I don’t know how to move forward without her, especially now that Christmas is coming.

What are you up against? Christmas and Miriam, God love her, she just wants to help.

What is it about it that makes this journey even more difficult for you? As a pastor, I’m in charge of many Christmas activities. It’s expected of me, and I don’t want to let people down.

In order to survive or accomplish this, you are going to have to step way outside of your box. What changes do you expect to make, and which of them will be the most difficult? I’m not sure I can do this.

What habits or ways of thinking do you think will be the most difficult to let go of? How am I supposed to go on now that my wife is gone?

What fears, insecurities and wounds have held you back? I’m not sure about my faith in God anymore. Joan was a good person, why her? Am I being punished? No, I know that’s not right. I can’t think that way?

What skills, background or expertise makes you well-suited to face this conflict or antagonist? I know all the right answers. I just need to get them from my head to my heart.

What are you hiding from the other characters? What don’t you want them to know? I’m trying to avoid Christmas as much as possible.

What do you think of Miriam? Miriam is an important figure in our church and community. She has a very caring heart and just wants to help. I’m hoping she doesn’t see me as her next project.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story. I know the meaning of Christmas, but I just don’t want to participate in all the celebrations.

What does it do for your life if you succeed here? I’m not sure. If I succeed at skipping Christmas, I will continue on, but I will be brought to the end of myself if I’m forced to face this. God help me.

QUESTIONS FOR ANTAGONIST, MIRIAM

Tell me about yourself. There’s not much to tell, really. I’m a simple woman that loves home, family, and traditions. I enjoy helping people whenever I can.

Having to do with this journey, what are your strengths and weaknesses? I’ve been a widow for many years and know Thomas’s pain. Joan was a good friend of mine also.

Why are you committed to making the Protagonist fail? Or for a relationship movie, why are you committed to making them change? He’s a preacher. He can’t just decide that he’s skipping Christmas. What about all the people that depend on him?

What do you get out of winning this fight / succeeding in your plan / taking down your competition? I want to see Thomas smile again. He’s not smiled in months.

What drives you toward your mission/agenda, even in the face of danger, ruin, or death? Do you think Thomas will be the death of me? (laughs) But it’s the craziest thing, every year I take a pie to his house for Christmas. Pecan pie is his favorite, or maybe it was Joan’s favorite. This year, he actually told me he didn’t want the pie. Who doesn’t want pie? I’m known for my pie.

What secrets must you keep to succeed? What other secrets do you keep out of fear/insecurity? Oh, my, I don’t think I keep secrets.

Compared to other people like you, what makes you special? I’m always ready to help others.

What do you think of Thomas? I want what’s best for him. I hope I can help him.

Tell me your side of this whole conflict/story. I feel a little hurt. I thought Thomas respected me and cared about my feelings, but I’m not sure now. I feel a little rejected when I’m just trying to help.

[Lori Lance]

I, Lori Lance, agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment is to think in terms of whole characters and how they might interact with each other.

Pastor Thomas

Role in the story: Hero/Runner, a pastor of a small-town church trying to avoid Christmas

Age range and Description: male, mid-sixties, affectionate, down-to-earth, dependable, self-sacrificing

Internal Journey: from hopelessness to hopeful

External Journey: from avoiding Christmas festivities since his wife is gone to taking part in community

Motivation: to be in control and not show his vulnerability

Wound: his wife was a gift from God, but she’s been taken away

Mission/Agenda: to avoid Christmas festivities while preparing his sermon, The Hope of Christmas

Secret: he’s harboring unforgiveness, misplaced anger

What makes them special? loved by the community

Miriam

Role in the story: change agent

Age range and Description: female, mid-sixties, classy, strong leader in the community, and long time widow

Internal Journey: pride to humility

External Journey: from trying to force change in others to stepping back

Motivation: helping others brings her joy

Wound: She doesn’t always feel appreciated.

Mission/Agenda: to look out for others

Secret: prideful at times, not good at accepting help from others

What makes them special? She loves to help others.

Deacon John

Role in the story: supporting character, friend, and associate of Thomas

Age range and Description: male, forties

Internal Journey: becoming bolder and claiming his place

External Journey: no real change

Motivation: wants to avoid conflict

Wound: He’s misunderstood.

Mission/Agenda: peacemaker

Secret: anxious

What makes them special? quiet, kind, and easy-going

Minor roles: a little girl in the Christmas play, live nativity, mourning family, impoverished family

Background characters: small town celebrating Christmas

Genre – Drama

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Character Profiles Part 1

What I learned doing this assignment is to think in terms of whole characters and how they might interact with each other.

Pastor Thomas

Role in the story: Hero/Runner, a pastor of a small-town church trying to avoid Christmas

Age range and Description: male, mid-sixties, affectionate, down-to-earth, dependable, self-sacrificing

Internal Journey: from hopelessness to hopeful

External Journey: from avoiding Christmas festivities since his wife is gone to taking part in community

Motivation: to be in control and not show his vulnerability

Wound: his wife was a gift from God, but she’s been taken away

Mission/Agenda: to avoid Christmas festivities while preparing his sermon, The Hope of Christmas

Secret: he’s harboring unforgiveness, misplaced anger

What makes them special? loved by the community

Miriam

Role in the story: change agent

Age range and Description: female, mid-sixties, classy, strong leader in the community, and long time widow

Internal Journey: pride to humility

External Journey: from trying to force change in others to stepping back

Motivation: helping others brings her joy

Wound: She doesn’t always feel appreciated.

Mission/Agenda: to look out for others

Secret: prideful at times, not good at accepting help from others

What makes them special? She loves to help others.

Deacon John

Role in the story: supporting character, friend, and associate of Thomas

Age range and Description: male, forties

Internal Journey: becoming bolder and claiming his place

External Journey: no real change

Motivation: wants to avoid conflict

Wound: He’s misunderstood.

Mission/Agenda: peacemaker

Secret: anxious

What makes them special? quiet, kind, and easy-going

Minor roles: a little girl in the Christmas play, live nativity, mourning family, impoverished family

Background characters: small town celebrating Christmas

Genre – Drama

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is to think in terms of internal and external journeys and make sure that both are fully used. And to think of the new ways as the opposite of the old ways so that I have a clear path of where I’m going.

My Hero is Thomas, a small-town pastor who feels like it’s his responsibility to make Christmas memorable for everyone else. He spirals downward when faced with the first Christmas after his wife’s death, and he wants to avoid Christmas altogether.

Character Arc that represents a transformation:

Internal Journey: from hopelessness to hopeful

External Journey: avoiding Christmas festivities since his wife is gone to taking part in community

Old ways:

anger

depression

crossing boundaries

fear

isolation

New ways:

acceptance

joy

respecting boundaries

fearlessness

community

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Hello Everyone,

I’m Lori Lance, and I’m joining the class late.

I’ve written seven feature scripts. Last year I completed the Pro Series and Fearlessness classes. They were both life-changing. With this class, I hope to learn to write faster and, of course, better too. I’m passionate about creating family-friendly entertainment.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Profound Map Version 1 Requesting Feedback Exchange

TWELVE DAYS TIL CHRISTMAS

WRITTEN BY: Lori Lance

1. What is Your Profound Truth?

– It’s okay to continue living when the one closest to you has died.

2. What is the Transformational Journey?

a. Old Ways: A pastor who feels like it’s his responsibility to make Christmas memorable for everyone else is spiraling downward after the death of his wife.

b. Journey: Thomas is a small-town pastor who must face his first Christmas without his late wife. He searches for hope in order to give others hope in his Christmas sermon, all the while trying to avoid Christmas celebrations.

c. New Ways: The Pastor becomes receptive to help from his congregation and allows peace and joy back into his life.

d. Transformational Logline: A small-town pastor, the man that the town leans on the most, becomes the one it must hold up as he spirals downward in depression until he allows peace and joy back into his life for his first Christmas without his wife.

3. Who are your lead characters?

· Change Agent: Miriam, a long-time widow and friend of the Pastor and his late wife, would make a good change agent because she has had a similar experience.

· Transformable Character: Pastor Thomas

· Oppression: The oppression is time. Christmas is coming in twelve days, and Thomas must prepare a sermon on hope.

4. How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?

A. Relatability: Thomas seems anxious about Christmas coming so soon. Most adults have felt this. Everyone experiences loss at some point in their lives.

B. Intrigue: Things are going on under the surface with Thomas that the audience doesn’t know, but they can see that he’s troubled.

C. Empathy: Thomas is asked to take care of some difficult situations.

D. Likability: Thomas is sometimes self-sacrificing when it comes to helping others.

5. What is the Gradient of the Change?

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Forced Change. Christmas is coming, and Thomas is forced to take part.

DENIAL: The Pastor pretends everything is fine. – Challenge: He tries to make Christmas special for everyone else. Weakness: He’s in over his head.

ANGER: The Pastor gets angry when forced to engage in Christmas traditions that used to include his wife. – Challenge: He has trouble keeping up the charade. Weakness: He doesn’t consider other people’s feelings.

BARGAINING: He crosses boundaries as he tries to fix one family’s Christmas. – Challenge: Helping someone that doesn’t want help. – Weakness: He does not have control of other people’s feelings.

DEPRESSION: The Pastor spirals downward. – Challenge: Finding hope and joy by Christmas. – Weakness: He doesn’t have all the answers.

ACCEPTANCE: The Pastor gives his problem over to God and his congregation. – Challenge: Letting others help him. – Weakness: He needs his faith renewed.

6. What is the Transformational Structure of Your Story?

Mini-Movie
1 ­ Status Quo and Call to Adventure:

A quaint small town gets ready for Christmas. The main streetlamp lights are being decorated. Children are playing in the snow, and a nativity scene is created in front of a church. Inside the church, Pastor Thomas seems distraught over the lack of days before Christmas as he tries to complete his sermon, “The Hope of Christmas.” Christmas is coming whether he’s ready or not.

Mini-Movie
2 ­ Locked into Conflict:

Thomas is expected to console a grieving family after an accident, but he can’t.

Mini-Movie 3 — Hero Tries to Solve Problem ­ but Fails:

The Pastor can’t pretend anymore. He doesn’t feel like celebrating Christmas. He undoes his Christmas decorations and shoves his decorated tree into a closet.

Mini-Movie
4 ­ Hero Forms a Plan:

Maybe he can make Christmas perfect for another family, but he crosses boundaries and makes them upset. He’s asked to stop trying to help.

Mini-Movie
5 ­ Hero Retreats & Antagonist Wins:

The Pastor spirals downward in depression.

Mini-Movie 6 ­ Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan:

Pastor Thomas pretends that everything is fine.

Mini-Movie
7 ­ Crisis & Climax:

Thomas is nearly destroyed by going through the motions until he gives his problems to God and allows his congregation to help.

Mini-Movie
8 ­ New Status Quo:

Hope and peace are restored by Christmas.

7. How are the “Old Ways” Challenged?

What beliefs are challenged that cause the main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

A. Challenge through Questioning:

· Is something wrong?

· Don’t you think she would want you to move on?

· Does moving on mean forgetting?

· What does Christmas mean to you?

· Can peace and joy be found in the twelve days before Christmas?

B. Challenge by Counterexample:

Christmas celebrations and traditions are happening
all around Thomas, and he can’t stop them.
Miriam finds peace and joy at Christmas even though
she is a widow.
Thomas meets a real scrooge, and he doesn’t want to
end up like him.
Thomas tries to make Christmas perfect for another
family, but that backfires when he crosses boundaries.
When talking to someone else about loss, they say,
“I think you of all people would understand.”

C. Challenge by “Should Work, But Doesn’t”:

Thomas
is the pastor of a small-town church and writing a sermon about hope that should make him feel better, but he struggles to find words that feel
true.
As
Christmas celebrations happen all around Thomas, he should be able to get
into the spirit of things, but he only feels worse and spirals down into
depression.
Thomas
has always been a rock for others to lean on, but he becomes the one that
others must hold up.
Thomas
pulls out all the stops to make Christmas perfect for a family in need,
but it backfires when he crosses boundaries and makes things worse for
them.
Thomas
finally tells Miriam that he doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas because
his wife is gone. He ends up making the widow feel guilty about moving on,
and that’s the last thing he wants.

D. Challenge through Living Metaphor:

Thomas hides his Christmas tree and
decorations but drags them out every time someone comes to his
house. It becomes an exhausting ritual that he can’t keep up. The
Christmas tree and decorations are a living metaphor for the pain he’s
trying to hide.

Thomas is prepared to say “no” to all
Christmas celebrations, but when he turns down Miriam’s famous pie,
he must deal with her hurt feelings. The pie is a living metaphor for
traditions.

When Thomas must oversee the Christmas play,
and his heart isn’t in it, he makes a little girl cry. Don’t you like
Christmas?” The play is a metaphor of what Thomas’ Christmas would
look like if his wife were still living.

Thomas encounters a real scrooge, and he
is terrified that he will end up like him. The man is a metaphor for
Thomas’ darkest feelings.

Thomas tries to write his Christmas sermon about
hope but is stuck because of his lack of hope. The Christmas sermon is a
living metaphor for hope.

8. How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?

A. Action delivers insight:

Action: Thomas tries to give a family in need the perfect Christmas but causes problems for them instead.

Insight: Thomas is denying his problems.

Action: The Christmas play that shows an idyllic family celebration throws Thomas into depression.

Insight: He longs for the old days.

B. Conflict delivers insight

Conflict: Thomas feels awful when he turns down Miriam’s gift. Insight: He truly cares about his town and congregation. He would never want to hurt someone’s feelings.

Conflict: When Thomas upsets a little girl at play practice, she accuses him of not liking Christmas. Insight: Thomas becomes aware of how his behavior must look to others.

Conflict: With every passing day on the calendar, Thomas is one day closer to facing his worst fear.

C. Irony delivers insight

Irony – Thomas doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas this year after the death of his wife. However, when questioned what his wife would want him to do, he says, “she’d say, Thomas, don’t be silly. Christmas isn’t about me.” (reasons) Insight: His wife wouldn’t want him behaving this way.

Irony – Though Thomas is trying to avoid Christmas celebrations, he tries to give a family in need the perfect Christmas he wishes he could have. (win/loss)

Irony – Thomas continually tries to write a sermon about hope when he feels there’s no hope. (motivation)

Irony – Thomas must help at the play practice, which shows the ideal family Christmas, something he believes he can no longer have. (win/loss)

9. What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?

When Thomas identifies the body from an accident as someone from his congregation, he says, “Death has won again.” He feels like he’s losing a battle.

When Thomas and Miriam are having a conversation about moving on, Miriam says, “Sometimes our joy needs a little nudge.” That’s a quote from a book, so I will need permission to use it or rephrase it, but it seems perfect for this character.

Thomas upsets a little girl at play practice, and the girl asks him, “Why do you hate Christmas?”

Miriam and Thomas fight about pie, which represents friendship and tradition. Miriam, in exasperation, yells, “Just take the darn pie!”

Thomas’ arc is complete from denial to acceptance when he gives his Christmas day sermon about hope. “In this world, we are all searching for the light. We are drawn to it because it is the only thing that can illuminate the dark places that scare us the most. We celebrate Christmas to remember that Jesus came to be our light, our hope. Isaiah 60:20 says, For the Lord will be our everlasting light, and the days of our sorrow will be over.”

10. How Do You Leave Us with A Profound Ending?

A. Deliver the Profound Truth Profoundly: By the end of the final scene, Thomas has successfully delivered his sermon about hope.

B. Lead Characters Ending Represents the Change: Thomas is moving on and has found hope again.

C. Payoff Key Setups: Thomas accepts help from others. The Christmas decorations and tree that have been hidden are on display. Thomas shares pie with Miriam. Thomas has completed the Christmas sermon.

D. Surprising, But Inevitable: Thomas finds hope again and delivers the Christmas sermon.

E. Leave Us with a Profound Parting Image/Line: The parting image will be joyful Christmas celebrations around the small town while music plays.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Lori Lance.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Height of Emotion

What I learned from this assignment is that thinking about meaningful dialogue before I write a scene can help build profound moments in my script.

Assignment 1 – Five emotional moments:

1. When Thomas identifies the body from an accident as someone from his congregation, he says, “Death has won again.”

2. When Thomas and Miriam are having a conversation about moving on, Miriam says, “Sometimes our joy needs a little nudge.” This is a quote from a book, so I will need permission to use it or rephrase it, but it seems perfect for this character.

3. Thomas upsets a little girl at play practice, and the girl asks him, “Why do you hate Christmas?”

4. Miriam and Thomas fight about pie, which represents friendship and tradition. Miriam, in exasperation, yells, “Just take the darn pie!”

5. Thomas’ arc is complete from denial to acceptance when he gives his Christmas day sermon about hope. “In this world, we are all searching for the light. We are drawn to it because it is the only thing that can illuminate the dark places that scare us the most. We celebrate Christmas to remember that Jesus came to be our light, our hope. Isaiah 60:20 says, For the Lord will be our everlasting light, and the days of our sorrow will be over.”

Lori Builds Meaning with Dialogue

What I learned from this assignment is that dialogue, even if it’s just one word, can have great meaning when reflecting the character’s arc.

Assignment 2:

Thomas exhausts himself when putting away all the Christmas decorations and cramming a decorated tree into a closet. He stumbles to his chair and sits, then sees his late wife’s picture on the table next to him. He looks at it with reluctance and says, “Joan.”

This scene is the beginning of his arc. His arc continues through anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, and he speaks her name each time in a tone that reflects his deepest feelings and reflects where he is in his character arc.

[Lori Lance]

Lori Delivers Irony!

What I learned from this assignment is that irony is an excellent way to create intrigue. Thinking about irony caused me to look deeper into my characters’ reasons, motivations, and identities.

Insight – It’s okay to move on after someone close has died.

Irony – Thomas doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas this year after the death of his wife. However, when questioned what his wife would want him to do, he says, “She’d say, Thomas, don’t be silly. Christmas isn’t about me.” (reasons)

Irony – Though Thomas is trying to avoid Christmas celebrations, he tries to give a family in need the perfect Christmas he wishes he could have. (win/loss)

Irony – Thomas makes Miriam feel guilty, but that’s the last thing he’d want. (identity)

Irony – Thomas continually tries to write a sermon about hope when he feels there’s no hope. (motivation)

Irony – Thomas has to help at the play practice, which shows the ideal family Christmas, something he believes he can no longer have. (win/loss)

[Lori Lance]

Lori Delivers Insights Through Conflict

What I learned doing this assignment is to look deeper. Conflict is a vehicle that can bring insights into my characters and their situations.

Conflict to express insight-

1. A plan goes wrong:

Thomas tries to give a family in need the perfect Christmas but causes problems for them instead.

2. Conflict uncovers a secret:

Thomas continually struggles to write his Christmas sermon about hope because he feels all hope is lost.

3. Conflict brings out the true nature:

Thomas feels awful when he turns down Miriam’s gift. He truly cares about his town and congregation. He would never want to hurt someone’s feelings.

4. A plan goes wrong:

The Christmas play that shows an idyllic family celebration throws Thomas into depression.

5. Falsely accused:

When Thomas upsets a little girl at play practice, she accuses him of not liking Christmas.

6. Stakes are raised:

With every passing day on the calendar, Thomas is one day closer to facing his worst fear.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Analysis of Seabiscuit

What I learned from this assignment is to think of my character’s new ways as actions that can and need to take place.

Assignment 1

Profound Moments in Seabiscuit:

Intrigue: Before the Great Depression, if someone had a big dream and the guts to follow it, there was a fortune to be made.

“Where can’t we go? The sky is literally the limit.”

In a single moment, all dreams can be bashed.

It was interesting to see the effects of the Great Depression on different characters, and the use of actual photographs from that time was intriguing.

Profound Truths:

Quote from Dickinson, “We never know how high we are till we are called to rise.”

“Sometimes, all you have is your dreams.”

“A dream is a chance to turn a life around.”

“You don’t throw a whole life away just because it’s banged up a little.” This statement proved true for two lame horses that were rescued and went on to have a purpose, as well as Red, who, even though he was blind in one eye and had a crushed leg, went on to not only walk again but race again. This was also true for Smith and Howard.

“Sometimes the little guy doesn’t know he’s little, and he can do some amazing things.”

Change Agents:

I found Smith an intriguing man because even though he had lost almost everything, he showed up with what little he had and made the most of it with integrity. He was the change agent for the lame horse about to be shot, Seabiscuit, and Red.

The jocky Red was like Seabiscuit, beaten down and forgotten. They were the perfect change agent for one another.

For the first time in a long time, someone (the Howards) cared about Red. He was no longer alone. This allowed for some healing in his heart, and he was able to move forward with his life.

Assignment 2

Lori Turns Insights Into Action

New Way – Action:

Thomas finds joy in simple things. – Thomas offers Miriam a piece of pie at a church social. They have a good laugh.

Thomas allows others to help him.- Thomas accepts the congregation’s help.

Thomas gets past his writer’s block, and hope for the future is restored. – Thomas gives the perfect Christmas sermon about renewed hope.

Thomas becomes aware of boundaries. – Thomas reaches out to the family he offended and apologizes. The family shows up at church on Christmas morning.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Living Metaphors

What I learned from this assignment is to look deeper at how I can challenge my main character that will ultimately create a change in him.

– 5 Should Work, But Doesn’t challenges:

Thomas is the pastor of a small-town church, and writing a sermon about hope should make him feel better, but he struggles to find words that feel true.

As Christmas celebrations happen all around Thomas, he should be able to get into the spirit of things, but he only feels worse and spirals down into depression.

Thomas has always been a rock for others to lean on, but he has lost the will and strength to do so, and he becomes the one that others must hold up.

Thomas pulls out all the stops to make Christmas perfect for a family in need, but it backfires when he crosses boundaries and makes things worse for them.

Thomas finally tells Miriam that he doesn’t want to celebrate Christmas because his wife is gone. Sharing his feelings with someone should work, but he ends up making the widow feel guilty about moving on, and that’s the last thing he wants.

– 5 Living Metaphor challenges

Thomas hides his Christmas tree and decorations but has to drag them out every time someone comes to his house. It becomes an exhausting ritual that he can’t keep up. The Christmas tree and decorations are a living metaphor for the pain he’s trying to hide.

Thomas is prepared to say “no” to all Christmas celebrations, but when he turns down Miriam’s famous pie, he has to deal with her hurt feelings. The pie is a living metaphor for traditions and friendship.

When Thomas must oversee the Christmas play, and his heart isn’t in it, he makes a little girl cry. “Don’t you like Christmas?” The play is a metaphor of what Thomas’ Christmas would look like if his wife were still living.

Thomas encounters a real scrooge, and he is terrified that he will end up like him. The man is a metaphor for Thomas’ darkest feelings.

Thomas tries to write his Christmas sermon about hope but is stuck because of his lack of hope. The Christmas sermon is a living metaphor for hope.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Counterexamples

What I learned doing this assignment is that presenting the old ways and then challenging them will move my story forward.

5 Question Challenges to an Old Way(Thomas doesn’t think he can celebrate Christmas now that his wife is gone.) :

1. Is something wrong?

2. Don’t you think she would want you to move on?

3. Does moving on mean forgetting?

4. What does Christmas mean to you?

5. Can peace and joy be found by Christmas?

5 Counterexamples to an Old Way:

1. Christmas celebrations and traditions are happening all around Thomas.<div>

2. Miriam finds peace and joy at Christmas even though she is a widow.

3. Thomas meets a real scrooge, and he doesn’t want to end up like him.

4. Thomas tries to make Christmas perfect for another family, but that backfires when he crosses boundaries.

5. When talking to someone else about loss, they say, “I think you of all people would understand.”

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s 12 Angry Men Analysis

What I learned from this assignment is to look at old ways that are true for my characters, then see how those old ways can be challenged in a hopefully profound and entertaining way.

Old Ways – Challenge:

Assumption of quilt – Are all kids from the slums capable of murdering a parent?

Just want this over – Shouldn’t we at least discuss the evidence?

Not caring – A child’s life is on the line. If you were him, wouldn’t you want a little more consideration?

Prejudice – Kids these days, they’re all the same. “Prejudice obscures the truth.”

Not looking beneath the surface – On the surface, the kid seems guilty, but what if we look deeper?

Assuming the evidence is not questionable – When the evidence is brought into question, the “rare” switchblade is found to be common, and anyone can buy it in a shop near the murder scene.

Assuming the witnesses were accurate – Let’s test their stories against the reality of time and other circumstances. Would the eyewitness that was trying to sleep be wearing her glasses in bed?

Assuming the Defense Attorney did his job – Would he do his best if he had to take this case? What if the attorney thought the kid was guilty?

Assuming the case is completely logical – Let’s take the old man’s story and see if it plays out logically.

Assignment 2:

Lori’s Old Ways/Challenges:

Thomas can’t celebrate Christmas without his wife. – Christmas will happen regardless, and as a Pastor, how can he avoid it?

Thomas hides his feelings from those closest to him. – Would opening up help him heal?

Thomas can make Christmas perfect for someone else. – The family doesn’t want his help and gets mad at Thomas when he crosses boundaries.

Thomas is the man that everyone else leans on. – What if Thomas allows others to help him? What if he gives the problem over to God?

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Profound Ending

What I learned from this assignment is to start with the ending in mind so that I can write in the setups as I go.

Profound Truth – It’s okay to go on after someone close to you has died.<div>
</div><div>Lead character’s change- Pastor Thomas delivers his Christmas sermon about hope. Thomas celebrates Christmas with his friends and congregation.</div><div>
</div><div>Setups – Thomas struggles to write his sermon, and has tried to avoid traditional Christmas celebrations.</div><div>
</div><div>Surprising yet inevitable ending – Thomas spirals downward to a dark place before he desires change, which makes his change a surprise. He delivers profound truth in his sermon.</div><div>
</div><div>Last image – Christmas Day arrives and there is peace and joy in the small town. </div>

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Connection with Audience

What I learned doing this assignment is to be intentional about creating a connection with the audience.

Pastor Thomas

A. Relatability – Thomas seems anxious about Christmas coming so soon. Most adults have felt this.

B. Intrigue – Things are going on under the surface with Thomas that the audience doesn’t know, but they can see that he’s troubled.

C. Empathy – Thomas is asked to take care of some difficult situations.

D. Likability – Thomas is sometimes self-sacrificing when it comes to helping others.

Deacon John

A. Relatability – an average, good old boy trying his best

B. Intrigue – what’s his story

C. Empathy – underappreciated

D. Likability – funny

Mariam

A. Relatability – lonely and trying to make connections

B. Intrigue – Does she like Thomas?

C. Empathy – widow

D. Likability – She makes everyone homemade presents for Christmas.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Three Gradients

What I learned doing this assignment is… by finding these answers, I’m starting to see the possibilities for my story.

Emotional Gradient: FORCED CHANGE

DENIAL – The Pastor pretends everything is fine. – C: He tries to make Christmas special for everyone else. W: He’s in over his head.

ANGER – The Pastor gets angry when forced to engage in Christmas traditions that used to include his wife. – C: He has trouble keeping up the charade. W: He doesn’t consider other people’s feelings.

BARGAINING – He crosses boundaries as he tries to fix one family’s Christmas. – C: Helping someone that doesn’t want help. – W: He does not have control of other people’s feelings.

DEPRESSION – The Pastor spirals downward. – C: Finding hope and joy by Christmas. – W: He doesn’t have all the answers.

ACCEPTANCE – The Pastor gives his problem over to God and his congregation. – C: Letting others help him. – W: He needs his faith renewed.

[Lori Lance]

Day 4 Profound class

Lori’s Lead Characters

What I learned in this assignment is to think of the characters that create and hinder change, not just the character that is changed.

1. Transformational journey logline:

A small-town pastor, the man that the town leans on the most, becomes the one it must hold up as he spirals downward in depression until he allows peace and joy back into his life.

2. Tell us who you think might be your Change Agent and give a few sentences about how that character fits the role. Also, include: – Their vision: – Their past experience that fits that vision:

Possibly Miriam, a long-time widow and friend of the Pastor and his late wife, would make a good change agent because she has had a similar experience.

3. Tell us who you think might be your Transformable Character(s) and give a few sentences about how that character or characters fit the role.

The most significant transformable character would be the Pastor and possibly the whole church congregation.

4. Tell us who or what you think might be The Oppression and give a few sentences about how The Oppression works in your story.

The oppression is time. Christmas is coming in twelve days.

5. Tell us who you think might be your Betraying Character and give a few sentences about how that character fits the role.

I’m not sure about this character, but maybe someone played a part in the death of the Pastor’s wife, and this person will not forgive himself or allow himself to move on at this time.

4B.

Analysis of Dead Poet’s Society

1. What is the change this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie? The transformational journey is the boys learning to seize the day and go after their dreams.

2. Lead characters:

-Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change? The change agent is the new teacher Mr. Keating. He went to that same school as a boy, but he did not conform to the strict traditions, and he learned to go after what he wanted in life.

– Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey? The boys in the school. They are the right characters because they are at the age when they must make decisions about their future.

– What is the Oppression? The oppression comes from the school administration and some of the parents.

3. How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story? There’s a mystery in the title, Dead Poet’s Society. The audience wants to know what that is, and the school is an interesting setting. The audience wants to know what will happen to these boys.

4. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.”

Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion: The old way is tradition and conformity. The new way involves dreaming and seizing the opportunities rather than what others want for them.

5. What is the gradient of the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing? The boys made small steps at the beginning to test the waters but gradually made more significant steps as they went after what they wanted and eventually acted against the school administration and parents.

6. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change? The boys feel enslaved by the old ways, but they see a different option when taught to seize the day.

7. What are the most profound moments of the movie? When the boys first sneak out into the night to form the Dead Poet’s Society. When Todd comes out of his shell and surprises everyone, including himself. When Neil seizes his day but is not allowed to continue pursuing his dream, he kills himself. When Mr. Keating is in the classroom by himself after Neil’s death, he reads the Dead Poet’s Society oath inside Neil’s and his old textbook. In the end when Mr. Keating is leaving and the boys stand on their desk out of respect and say, “My Captian, my Captian.”

8. What are the most profound lines of the movie? “My Captian, my Captian.” “Carpe Diem.”

9. How does the ending pay off the setups of this movie? The boys who stand on their desks have gone against the system, and they will forever be changed.

10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie? We should all carpe diem; seize our day, our time, and the future we want.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Lori Lance.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Transformational Journey

What I learned is to think of the beginning and end of the script as the old ways and the new ways.

Logline:

A small-town pastor, the man that the town leans on the most, becomes the one it must hold up as he spirals downward until he allows peace and joy back into his life.

Old ways:

A pastor who feels like it’s his responsibility to make Christmas memorable for everyone else is spiraling downward as he faces his first Christmas without his wife.

New ways:

The pastor becomes receptive to help from his congregation and allows peace and joy back into his life.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s First Three Decisions

What I learned from this assignment is the foundation for building a profound story.

1. What is your profound truth?

It’s okay to continue living when the one closest to you has died.

2. What is the change your movie will cause with an audience?

We can have peace and joy in a dark world.

3. What is your Entertainment Vehicle that you will tell this story through?

a small town preparing for Christmas

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Analysis of Groundhog Day

What I learned from this assignment is to look deeper at how and why characters react to their circumstances.

1. What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie? Phil begins as a selfish jerk, and after being forced to live the same day repeatedly, he finally becomes a selfless, caring man.

2. Lead characters: Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change? Rita is the woman Phil wants to impress, and his desire for her fuels much of his actions. Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey? Phil makes the perfect transformable character because he’s the one that needs to change the most. What is the Oppression? Everything that Phil can’t control, such as time, the alarm clock, other people’s responses to him.

3. How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story? When I see that it’s once again 6:00 am, and the same song begins to play, I want to know how Phil will react this time.

4. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion: Phil’s old way was focused on his own needs and desires, and his new ways are focused on others.

5. What is the gradient of change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing? At first, Phil is confused, then frantic, angry, rebellious, manipulative, depressed, suicidal, nice, friendly, caring, giving.

6. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change? It’s up to Phil to make the most of his day, even if it’s like every other day.

7. What are the most profound moments of the movie? He learns to play the piano and sculpt ice. He learns to love poetry. He starts caring about the people he once ignored, like the homeless man and the insurance salesman.

8. What are the most profound lines of the movie? The most profound lines in the movie are when Phil talks about knowing Rita’s face so well and when he says that he doesn’t care about tomorrow because he’s happy now.

9. How does the ending pay off the setups of this movie? He wakes up at the same time and to the same music as every other day, but this time is different, it’s a new day, and Rita is beside him. Everything and everyone he once resented, he now embraces. He even says, “Let’s live here.”

10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie? Even when every day feels like just another day, we have the ability to make it something special.

[Lori Lance]

Hi everyone! My name is Lori Lance, and I have completed eight feature-length screenplays. During this class, I hope to write a profound Christmas feature!

I’ve recently been asked by a couple of people in the entertainment industry what I do for a living other than writing. And lol, what does my husband do. So, it seems that being a stay-at-home mom that devotes her extra time to writing is unusual or maybe even strange to some, but I have to say that I am incredibly grateful to do just that.

[Lori Lance]

I, Lori Lance, as a member of this group, agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lori Lance]

Denise,

Yes, lori.lance@comcast.net. Send your outline whenever you’re ready. I’ll send mine after I get my first round feedback.

Thanks!

Lori

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Lori Lance.

[Lori Lance]

Hi Robert,

If you’re open to a Christmas drama, I’d like to exchange feedback.

lori.lance@comcast.net

Thanks.

Lori

[Lori Lance]

Hi Denise, I’d love to exchange feedback. Let me know when you’re ready. Thanks!

[Lori Lance]

Jeffery, would you like to exchange feedback? My email is lori.lance@comcast.net.

[Lori Lance]

Rebecca,

Congratulations on finishing your first draft. Stay safe.

Lori

[Lori Lance]

lori.lance@comcast.net

The last lesson asked for the beginning, middle, and end of each scene, so I kept those in my outline, but it’s up to you if you want to keep those.

[Lori Lance]

Okay, thanks.

[Lori Lance]

Hi Leona,

I’d like to exchange outlines.

Lori

[Lori Lance]

I have a family comedy also and would be happy to exchange feedback. Please message me with your email. Thanks.

[Lori Lance]

Bill, I would be happy to exchange outlines. I sent a connection request so we can exchange emails. Thanks.

[Lori Lance]

Amechi,

Great title and fun concept.

[Lori Lance]

Jill, I’m glad that you recovered and are able to be a part of this class.