[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s MIS Structure

What I learned is putting first place to MIS, I have been able to create a doable structure. It is different from the one I had envisioned, but is much more fleshed out, without that sagging middle I had no idea for earlier.

OPENING: Lure us into the story and introduce the lead character in action.
___ SCREAMING WOMAN as slasher closes in on her. Zoom out to see screenwriter Jace in nearly empty movie theater viewing his end-of-franchise Slasher Simon movie, drinking a 5th from brown bag, A woman in the audience SCREAMS. Jace tries to calm her but makes it worse, asked to leave. Coughs a bit from the LA fire smoke.
___ MYSTERY Why is Jace there, drinking, depressed? Will he write/sell more screenplays? What’s his problem?
___ SUSPENSE: such drinking can be lethal, suicidal indicator.
___ JACE’S MIS: Jace tries to be helpful, seems concerned. He is a troubled person. Is it only because his career is currently in a downturn? What else made him that way? Will he get over his problems and get on a positive road?

INCITING INCIDENT: An event that propels the Hero on the Journey.
___ After Jace argues with barflies in a bar (LA fires on TV) also saying he’s in the neighborhood to research who started the LA fires, he is slashed and rolled in the alley. SIRENS for a house nearby going up in flames. POLICE, ABULANCE SIRENS for unconscious Jace. To the hospital.
___ MYSTERY: Why didn’t the attacker take the money? Strange MO the police tell once Jace in hospital can talk to them.
___ SUSPENSE: TALKING ABOUT THE DANGER: the police question injured Jace, warn him he is in danger of the guy coming to finish the job before he can regain memory and ID him. Depressed, Jace doesn’t seem to care and even his ex-wife wants him dead, maybe she hired the guy.
___ SUSPENSE: TALKING ABOUT THE DANGER. Jace meets fire-injured Howie in the hospital, the grandson of the woman killed in the nearby house fire, wants to help him, says it could be arson, that he even thought of writing a screenplay about such in the midst of the ongoing 2025 LA wildfires (tho it was an off-handed facetious comment in the bar). But Howie doesn’t want to have the fire investigated as arson; he fears criminals and crime in the neighborhood after a drive-by shooter killed a child last month and says, “What can the police do anyway, but get there too late?”
____ MYSTERY: Was Howie’s gm’s house an arson case or just part of the raging LA wildires, which are close, but not too close.
____ INTRIGUE: Who set the nearby house fire, if it really was arson, and why? (Unknown to Jace and audience, Trevor, a big real estate developer, had henchman Gint torch the home and stage the drive-by. Gint overhead Jace in the bar talk about researching the fires as arson for a screenplay, got nervous, tried to kill Jace.)
____ JACE’S MIS: Jace, though generous, seems to compensate for his woes by being a bit snitty and a show-off. Seems that is what got him into trouble (slashed and rolled). ((Note: I need to give him an immediate reason for snitty to make his less unlikeable — like responding to barfly (red herring) Pike’s nasty remark when Jace well-dressed enters the bar, “Ouh, look what that LA smoke blew in!”))

TURNING POINT 1 (end Act 1) : A major twist that locks the hero into the conflict. Point of no return.
____ After Jace’s police protection detail is withdrawn in the hospital, and after some suspicious person has been checking up on Jace (falsely claiming to be Jace’s friend), Howie offers to let Jace live with him in his Tiny Home or trailer behind some house. Jace is now more suspicious about his attacker and Howie’s g’mother’s house fire due to some factors ?? and convinces Howie they should investigate the fire as arson, while he also starts research on his new screenplay (which unknown to Jace and audience really sets covert forces against him).
____ MYSTERY: Why was the police detail withdrawn? The reasons sound flimsy.
____ INTRIGUE: Someone questions hospital staff about Jace, hangs around eavesdropping on discussions about Jace, but he is not Jace’s friend Hank/Harriet Smithers, as the person claims. (It is Gint or another Trevor henchman, maybe a woman, maybe posing as a nurse??)
____ MYSTERY: Might there be some connection between the attack on Jace and the house burning? What would the connection be, if any?
____ SUSPENSE: Seems someone may be after Jace, also factors indicate house burning may have been arson (tho not by owner, since she did not have insurance), but instead of wisely and cautiously keeping a low profile, Jace is now eager to investigate. He goes from depressed to angry with new missions (help Howie, new screenplay).
____ JACE’S MIS: Jace still has it in him to bond with a person (Howie) and fight against evil. He is edging back to his original youth dreams and plans. Will this last or be strong enough for troubles to come?

MIDPOINT: A major revelation. The opposition is 10 times worse than thought.
____ Audience (not Jace yet, not completely) sees to some extent Trevor is behind the problems Jace and Howie are facing. And the police and other officials don’t want to go after Trevor (or think suspicions re him are ridiculous). He has had people fired. Top officials love him for his donations and development projects to “Make LA Great Again,” esp now with the devastation of the fires. They need his resort/conference center to enhance a positive tourist/conference image, not the declining, crime-increasing neighborhood of Cordina Enclave (where the house burned, the drive-by killed a child, and Trevor plans to replace with an upscale resort). But Jace is in the way and a danger to Trevor and his project if he finds out the nefarious ways Trevor has used to obtain properties for his projects, including this new one. Seems there will be no one to help Jace and Howie with their efforts. Someone who was helpful to Jace and expressed suspicions about Trevor meets with an “accident” and dies.
____ SUSPENSE: Will Jace come out of this with his career intact? Or alive? Will he find out about Trevor’s crimes, if any, before it’s too late?
____ MYSTERY: Why is Jace’s agent and his producers now against his new screenplay concept, whereas before they had been open, if not enthusiastic? Has someone gotten to them, besides Lanette (his ex-wife and producer’s daughter) who hates him? Also why is Howie now reluctant and wants Jace to move out of his tiny home?
____ INTRIGUE: What the audience and Jace to some extent learn there is something fishy about Trevor’s new development plan, also that he has enough influence over city officials to block Jace’s investigation and/or prevent his screenplay from being optioned. Both his life and career are threatened. What they don’t know (and city officials don’t know) is Trevor is behind serious crimes, violent and property.

TURNING POINT 2 (end of Act 2): Major setback. The lowest of the low.
____ TREVOR HAS GINT KILLED for being too much of a risk. He was Jace’s last hope to pin crimes on Trevor — Jace’s slashing, house burning. Jace finds out Trevor is the hidden owner of the LLCs that have been buying up Cordina property, and that with Trevor’s influence over city officials, including even certain police authorities, there is no way Jace can win against Trevor, no way he can retain his career, and no one to protect him from Trevor having him killed.
____ MYSTERY: Did Trevor have anything to do with the rumor that a heavy, polluting and noisy industry was being planned adjacent to Cordina Enclave, the rumor that got people selling their homes at below value?
____ MYSTERY: Did Trevor have anything to do with the drive-by killing of the little girl that scared more people into selling (fear of increasing crime, fear of values lowering).
____ MYSTERY: and what about Howie’s g’mother’s house fire? She was the last hold-out to sell her home to an obscure LLC?
____ MYSTERY: how can Jace get proof, with all avenues dried up and closed down?
____ SUSPENSE: Will Trevor’s men kill also him before he can out Trevor, if he can out him?
____ INTRIGUE: It’s becoming more apparent Trevor will use any means, even violence and arson, to accomplish his ends.

CLIMAX: The ultimate expression of the main conflict.
____ Jace confronts Trevor, which causes Trevor’s henchmen to pursue Jace with vigor to kill him. What they and the audience don’t know is it is a trap in which Howie and one or more honest policeman/people who believe Jace are there to get evidence of Trevor’s wrong-doing. But there are some flubs and Jace and others nearly get killed in the process.

RESOLUTION: The end of the journey in an emotionally satisfying way.
____ While all homes in the Cordina neighborhood have been sold (except Howie’s g’mother’s, which is in probate), a new, decent neighborhood for low-income people is being planned (by the one city planner who was against Trevor’s plan bec they need residences for all people, not just the rich). Maybe Howie will be able to rebuild a home/apt complex and live there. Jace and Howie have become a team in Jace’s screenwriting, and their screenplay is now being optioned by a prodco into that type of screenplay. Trevor’s corruption has been weeded out. Maybe Jace is now dating the nurse who helped him??

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Life Threatening Sequence

What I learned is the list of dangers really helped me to see what dangers I already had, plus create more. Even if I don’t know exact details of each I’m sure that will come during the writing. And as I write I can keep these in mind. Re the sequence of dangers I ended up marking out 40 beats (many blank at this time) to help situate the dangers, adding non-danger items. This is a good start toward a beat sheet.

CREATE YOUR LIFE THREATENING SEQUENCE

1. WHAT IS THE VILLAIN’S PLAN AND HOW DOES THAT PUT THE HERO IN DANGER?
____ Villain Trevor is planning a huge resort, using unscrupulous means to acquire the properties for it. His henchman Gint, nervous after just torching a house at Trevor’s request, takes it on himself to try to kill Jace fearing Jace may be investigating his arson. They could both go down if Trevor’s plan and wrong doings are discovered.

2. WHAT OTHER POTENTIAL DANGERS COULD YOUR HERO EXPERIENCE AS THEY TRY TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY AND CONFRONT THE VILLAIN?
____ Jace could also lose his career. Some veiled threat re that, perhaps by way of making him stop investigating.
____ Howie, whom Jace is trying to help, could be put in danger, either to get Jace to stop investigating or to have Howie stop.

3. FROM THE LIST OF POTENTIAL DANGERS, CHOOSE THE ONES THAT WORK FOR THIS STORY.

THREATS
____ Jace’s career is threatened. His life is threatened. Both by henchmen or by villain Trevor as vague remarks.

TALKING ABOUT THE DANGER
_____The police warn Jace he is in danger of the guy coming to finish the job after Jace has been slashed.
_____The nurse warns that Mary may be up to putting Jace in danger
_____Howie is reluctant to get involved if it is arson. He says he’s afraid of criminals, esp after that drive-by shooting of a kid 2 months ago.

PHYSICAL DANGER
____ Jace is rolled, slashed, and left for dead on page 5.
____ Howie’s grandma’s house burns down. She is killed, Howie injured.

SURVEILLANCE / WATCHED/STALKED
____ someone or something alerts Jace to the fact that he’s being surveilled/watched/onvestigated. Maybe his agent complains someone asked about his new screenplay.

CHASED
____ a chase in which Jace chases the person surveilling him, but the person suddenly turns and starts shooting at Jace, and now Jace is running from him.

LURED INTO A DANGEROUS SITUATION
____ Mary is trying to get him to investigate, but it puts him in danger – the Nurse had suspicions about her (because she appears in hospital without checking in or going thru security, etc).
____ Maybe a city worker lures Jace to a lonely place where he is beaten.
____ Pìke at bar in scene 2 gives a false direction to the john; Jace ends up in the alley where he is slashed & rolled.

CLOSENESS TO THE VILLAIN
____ Trevor calls Jace to come to his office re ???. He really wants to find out how much Jace knows and what he’s up to.

TRAPPED / ABDUCTED / ARRESTED
____ not sure I will use this at this point, but it could be Howie who is abducted or arrested. Or Jace for using illegal means to get info about the attack on him (earlier) or Trevor’s activities.

DANGER TO SOMEONE THEY KNOW and/or PEOPLE AROUND THEM DIE OR ARE INJURED.
____ Nurse is threatened?? Howie is threatened or beaten??
____ Howie’s grandmother is killed in arson fire (the blaze kills her just after Jace is slashed)
____ Jace’s ex-wife killed and it is made to look like Jace did it.

THUGS OR PROFESSIONALS HIRED TO HURT THEM.
____ Gint, plus others, one to kill Gint when Trevor fears he will cave.

PRESENCE OF WEAPONS OR THUGS
____ Ruffians in the bar in 2nd scene who become suspects in Jace’s attack. Pike, who argued with Jace, is a petty criminal just out of jail, a RED HERRING.

THE UNKNOWN
____ Jace (and the police on the beat) cannot figure what is going on with the attack and aftermath. The MO doesn’t match other crimes in the area.

——————————-
DANGER COULD ALSO COME FROM OTHER AREAS:

SOMETHING THAT DAMAGES THEIR REPUTATION
____ Ex-wife (who later dates Trevor??) is trying to damage Jace’s rep so he can’t sell his scripts. Or Trevor is.

THE CHANCE THAT A RELATIONSHIP COULD END
____ Mary leaves, telling he doesn’t need her anymore (before we find out she is a ghost)
____ the relationship btw Jace & Howie looks good, like father-son, but Howie betrays, or some secret of Jace is revealed that is upsetting to Howie.

THE THREAT THAT THEIR OWN SECRET COULD BE REVEALED
___ When Jace starts investigating Trevor’s activities to expose his criminal activities (beyond research for his screenplay), someone (maybe ex-wife or Howie under duress) threatens to reveal some secret about Jace. Secret-that Jace knows about Trevor, or that hevhas been unfaithful?? (Ex-wife falsely accusing him).
____ Maybe about Jace’s finances

PUBLIC HUMILIATION

LOSS OF A JOB OR CAREER
____Jace can’t option his screenplay or concept (due to ex-wife or Trevor, or Trevor’s henchman)

A DEMAND TO STOP PURSUING THE MYSTERY
____ Trevor’s henchman or some police official tells him there’s no use in pursuing the matter – we don’t want the city to look bad. Makes Jace all the more suspicious.

BETRAYAL FROM SOMEONE CLOSE
____ ? Howie (gets scared, backs out). Or his agent (they have gotten to him).

SOMEONE OPERATING COVERTLY AROUND THEM
____ a policeman, son of the Commissioner.

OTHER PARTIES WHO NEED TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY FIRST

OTHER PARTIES WHO WANT THE VILLAIN DEAD.

4. SEQUENCE THOSE DANGERS IN ORDER AND MAKE A LIST LIKE THE ONE I DID FOR BASIC INSTINCT ABOVE.

___ 1. Opens with Slasher Simon slashing a victim, SHRILL SCREAMS, zoom out to show it’s a movie (now in bokeh as Simon attacks), the last of the Slasher Simon franchise. Protag Jace, its drunk and depressed screenwriter, calls in anguish for Mary, his muse (mystery).
___2. Jace, after drinking more in a bar and getting into arguments with a ruffian (RED HERRING), telling the barflies a lie, that he is in the neighborhood doing research for his next screenplay on who set the LA fires (which are going at the time in Jan/Feb 2025), a new one just a few blocks away.
___ 3. Jace is slashed & rolled in an alley, loses consciousness, and is taken away in an ambulance, SHRILL SIRENS. ((p. 5))
___ 4. Right after that an old woman dies in that nearby house fire (set by Gint for villain Trevor; she was the last hold-out). SHRILL FIRE ENGINE SIREN. Her grandson Howie is badly injured and taken in ambulance, SHRILL AMBULANCE SIREN. It is all mystery and confusion to the audience at this time, but a highly dangerous scene.
___ 5. Jace has a series of hallucinations, some of them scary, with dangerous/menacing images and actions.
___ 6. Police question Jace in the hospital, but he was too drunk and it was too dark for him to remember who attacked him; they WARN him the attacker is likely to come to finish the job so Jace cannot ID him. They leave a police detail there to protect him. PLANT: What was Jace doing in that locale? He wanted to seek out someone in the nearby Cordina Enclave (the neighborhood where the house burnt down), but lost courage and went to see his last movie, then to the bar. Note: Jace is depressed and a bit suicidal.
___ 7. BRIEF SHOTS of “The Usual Suspects”: The police interviewing the barflies who were there that night. Gint gets off, being a well-paid agent for Trevor (well-known Tax Assessor and real estate developer who has greatly enhanced LA), as well as some 2 or more others (MOS), but RED HERRING Pike (who argued with Jace and is a petty criminal just out of jail) is on the hook.
___ 8. IF GHOSTS: Mary his childhood sweetheart comes to comfort him and get him over his depression and back to writing something better than his slasher scripts (which he agrees he won’t be able to write anymore), but NURSE MARTHA is suspicious of Mary (a potential RED HERRING), wondering how she got past the police.
___ 9. Jace’s pathologically jealous ex-wife, Lanette, comes as Mary disappears, and says she wishes him dead (potential RED HERRING)
___ 10. Jace meets Howie in the hospital, sympathizes about loss of his grandma and her home, wondering if it could be arson… starts getting interested in the concept he mentioned that Mary was enthused about. But HOWIE IS AFRAID to go down that path of thinking, since it is a crime-ridden neighborhood, speaks of a young girl recently killed in a drive-by shooting (done by Gint to scare the few hold-outs into selling). ?? IF GHOSTS – Howie mentions how he thought he saw his grandfather with his grandma, who then helped him)). ((should end around p. 25))

ACT 2
___ 11. Jace’s agent comes, hollow sympathy, upset Jace refuses to do more slasher scripts, but will look at Jace’s new concept CAREER HARM/DANGR (it will later be a twist when the agent doesn’t even want to touch it, being controlled by the villain).
___ 12. (part of previous scene) The newspapers have a field day with Jace the slasher writer being slashed, mistakenly claiming he has amnesia (it was drunkenness) and may soon finger the criminal and solve all those similar crimes in the area. That puts Jace in MORE DANGER.
___ 13. Trevor balls out Gint (earlier questioned by police & not a suspect), mentions mistakes, maybe a property having to go thru probate. Gint: “but it should be ready by next year when you plan to start building.”
___ 14. THE POLICE DETAIL IS REMOVED FROM PROTECTING JACE (they say resources are stretched thin and no one has tried anything yet and they caught some bad guys, including Pike at the bar that night, gang members) and someone does pursue him in hospital?? Some FALSE ALARMS of people after him??
___ 15. Jace’s apt is off limits due to fire, so Howie has him come stay with him in a dorm or apt?? Jace does research and does find out it could be arson, but with all focused on the huge conflagration, no one to investigate the lone fire in the Cordina neighborhood.
___ 16. Jace finds out someone is tagging him….
___ 17. He investigates Tax Assessors office and other city places. They act funny or reticent??
___ 18. Maybe they threaten Howie.
___ 19. Trevor gets report from Gint (speaking in coded lang about resort plans and property for it), but insists he surveil and investigate Jace rather than do him in… see if he really does know anything, only going to the extreme if necessary. ((maybe this can be done without knowing it is Gint or Trevor).We see Trevor is behind it ??? Is this where we see Trevor ball out Gint & have Jace tagged? Or maybe there is ref to their earlier discussion in which Trevor tells him to tag, not kill Jace ??? We still don’t know what Trevor’s plan is or if he is connected to Howie’s fire or why he is interested in Jace.

MIDPOINT (ACT 3) ((should begin around p. 50))
___ 20. Jace goes to various city offices to find out about the
___ 21.
___ 22.
___ 23. A CHASE SCENE in which Jace first chases the person surveilling him, who turns shooting at Jace, then chasing Jace.
___ 24.
___ 25. Maybe Lanette threatens to expose Jace re ?? (maybe something made up) ?? Or that Jace is investigating Trevor (he’s just jealous, she doesn’t really believe Trevor is up to no good  puts Jace AND Lanette in danger.
___ 26.
___ 27.
___ 28.
___ 29. Jace realizes he cannot win against Trevor after finding out the city bigwigs are really into Trevor working wonders to bring LA back from the brink, making it a better tourist/conference center, esp now after the fires. Maybe Trevor has contributed donations to some beautification and city enhancement projects. They don’t know (and Jace only slightly suspects) Trevor is behind false rumors and drive-by killing, and arson, to get people to sell. It seems Jace is all alone, even Howie has backed out, with the powers that be angry with him for pushing his investigation.

ACT 3 (ACT 4) ((should begin around p.75))
___ 30. Trevor calls Jace into his office supposedly to discuss Lanette, whom Trevor is now dating. So we understand both want Jace dead.
___ 31. Maybe Lanette threatens to tell Trevor that Jace is investigating him?
___ 32. Jace relentlessly researches and find out more about Trevor’s project and the false rumors he spread to get people to sell. Which Trevor learns about and is really upset now.
___ 33. Jace’s agent is now against even considering Jace’s arson concept.
___ 34. Maybe Lanette is killed. She knows too much.
___ 35.
___ 36. Trevor has loose-cannon Gint killed, just before Jace can find out about Gint’s role in the drive-by death and arson death.
___ 37.
___ 38. Jace does come to understand Trevor via Gint were behind the drive-by and arson deaths, goes to the police, who shun him.
___ 39. Trevor’s henchman shoots Jace, who ends up in the hospital again. The police finally take him seriously. And the news media. The whole story is made public – the only way Jace can protect himself, Howie, and the neighborhood people and city officials who have given him info that together incriminates Trevor.
___ 40. Jace becomes Howie’s helper, with Howie assisting him with AI, etc. Companions, sidekicks. Jace over his depression and on with life.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Mystery Sequence

What I learned is so much here that my story is changing and evolving for the better. It is really beginning to look like a thriller. I especially appreciate learning how I need to keep various mysteries connected to the big one flowing, which has me doing more coverups, etc.

CREATE YOUR MYSTERY SEQUENCE. GIVE US THE ANSWER TO THESE QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT IS THE BIG SECRET THAT THE VILLAIN IS COVERING UP?

___Trevor is buying out houses in a low-income community in LA to build an upscale resort.

2. HOW MANY WAYS CAN THEY COVER THAT SECRET? THOSE BECOME THE MYSTERIES.
___ 1st (near last in script) he had created several LLCs under hidden ownerships so as not to cause suspicion to his plan (or the property values might go up with homeowners dickering)
____2nd he has created the rumor that the adjacent area has been zoned for heavy industry and some heavy industry is planning to build there and cause a lot of pollution and noise, greatly lowering property values (so people will be eager to sell to his companies at below market price); even other realtors have gotten wind of the rumor and are pulling back from buying there.
_____3rd he has henchman Gint do some drive-by shootings to scare people into selling. A little boy dies in the process.
_____4th he has Gint torch the last hold-out’s home during the 2025 LA conflagration so they will think it is from natural causes, not arson. The handicapped old lady dies in the blaze, and her beneficiary is agreeable to sell. The house is uninsured since the lady couldn’t afford the insurance.

3. THE FIRST MYSTERY MUST ENGAGE THE HERO INTO SOLVING IT.
_____ Who slashed and rolled Jace, leaving him for dead? After torching the home Gint goes to a local bar where drunken, depressed protag Jace falsely claims to nasty ruffian Pike that he’s in that bad neighborhood to do research for his next screenplay… about who is setting these LA fires. A man later rolls and slashed Jace in the back alley. Jace and the audience doesn’t see who it is.

4. SEQUENCE THE MYSTERIES SO THAT EACH ONE LEADS US TO THE NEXT ONE. INCLUDE ONE RED HERRING MYSTERY IF YOU CAN.

____ 1. Who slashed and rolled Jace, leaving him for dead?
____ 2. Did Pike do it? Any of the others? RED HERRING 1
____ 3. Did someone torch Howie’s grandma’s home?
____ 4. Who is following Jace or looking into what Jace is doing? (his ex-wife hates him and wants him dead — RED HERRING 2).
____ 5. Why would a petty criminal attacker follow, surveil, look into what Jace was doing? Wouldn’t he just try to kill him? Or, is there more than one thing going on here?
____ 6. Why does big real estate developer Trevor want to talk to Jace?

5. CREATE A MYSTERY CHAIN FOR EACH MAIN MYSTERY.

____ 1. Who slashed and rolled Jace?
________ a. The police note different MO and say Jace will be in danger if he comes back to finish the job before Jace can regain his memory.

____ 2. Did Pike do it? Any of the others?
________ a. the police question people at the bar that night, focusing attention on roughneck Pike who was arguing with Jace. Seems Pike is also a petty criminal just out of jail. RED HERRING 1
________ b. Gint (who did it) gets off the hook somehow, as a well-paid agent for Trevor, the rich real estate developer.
________ c. Jace is unable to ID any of them – he as drunk as a skunk and it was dark, but a doctor claims he may have amnesia and might remember later (alert for attacker and more danger for Jace).

____ 3. Did someone torch Howie’s grandma’s home?
________ a. Jace meets Howie in the hospital, gets interested in his situation (now thinking of actually doing a screenplay about arson and the LA fires); he asks Howie if it could be arson. Howie gets to thinking…
________ b. Jace does a bit of inquiry and finds authorities suspect that several of the disconnected fires might be arson (from pyromaniacs, or other into fraudulent insurance claims, etc. the usual cases).

____ 4. Who is following Jace or looking into what Jace is doing? (someone has alerted him to someone asking or investigating him).
_______ a. Jace’s ex-wife is pathologically jealous, said she wanted Jace dead, and Jace suspects her. RED HERRING 2.
_______ b. Or the man who attacked him was not hired by his wife, but a low-life, lone wolf. However…

____ 5. Why would such a guy follow, surveil, look into what Jace was doing? Wouldn’t he just try to kill him? Or, is there more than one thing going on here? The slash/roll and his new screenplay ideas. Could they be connected?

____ 6. Why does real estate developer Trevor want to talk to Jace?
________ a. Some cover, like he is dating Jace’s ex-wife, or wants to get Jace to talk to Howie, or??

_____ 7. What is Trevor up to and how is he going about it?
_________a. Jace talks to people who work with (or worked with) Trevor, starts investigating him. They police won’t touch that avenue. More Qs arise, needing answers.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Designing the Villain’s Plan

What is learned is this process really got me into developing the hidden plot of the villain and making the story logical. It really improved my initial concept and ideas. I also found out my type was one in which the protag just happens to run into the villain's plot and gets involved (the antag thinks) finding out too much; there was no plan earlier to go after him.

1. WHAT IS THE END GOAL?
Trevor (LA Tax Assessor and Real Estate Developer) wants a certain area with low-income neighborhood of 24 houses on it for development of an LA resort. He had bought one derelict home earlier for the price of back taxes and got the idea to buy up some 23 more properties there to develop a resort.

2. HOW CAN THE VILLAIN ACCOMPLISH THAT IN A DEVIOUS WAY?
He created several LLCs under different names with ownership hidden so as not to raise suspicions, then had the RUMOR SPREAD that a heavy, polluting and noisy industrial park was planned for the adjacent area (and property values would plummet) so he could buy the homes a very low prices. However, even then some homeowners refused to sell. To make the area seem crime-ridden, he had Pike do some “drive-by shootings” just to scare people, but ended up killing a little boy. That did get more people to sell, except for one. Right after the LA fires started, he had an arsonist set fire to that place to make it look like part of the LA conflagration, even though it was a bit far from the other fires. The handicapped woman was unable to escape and died on the day the story begins.

3. HOW CAN THEY COVER IT UP?
1. To evade suspicion about what he was up to (which might raise property values or creating dickering) to buy the properties he created several LLCs under different names with ownership hidden.
2. He had the false rumor spread that a heavy industrial park, polluting and noisy, was going to be built on the adjacent area, which would plummet the property values.
3. He had Pike do some staged drive-by shootings to make people there think the area was becoming crime ridden.
4. He had Pike set fire to the final hold-out to make it look like part of the 2025 LA urban conflagration.

4. SEQUENCE IT TO MAKE IT AS INTRIGUING AS POSSIBLE.

After the above backstory sequence of events, right after Pike's arson:
1. Pike happens to be in the bar where drunken protag Jace (a has-been screenwriter) tells the customers there that he’s doing research for his next screenplay about who started the LA fires (which are in full blast). He is only making it up, but Pike thinks Jace might be a threat and find out about his/Trevor’s role in the fire caused, so he does a fake “roll” on Jace and slashes him, thinking he killed Jace.

2. Jace gets into investigating his own attack and also cases that seemed to be arson (there actually were a few suspicious cases during the LA fires) for his new screenplay. Trevor gets nervous and both Pike and Trevor are after Jace, trying to find out how much Jace might know, friends he might have told, and silence him/them.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan

ASSIGNMENT 1 – BASIC INSTINCT

I did note many MIS and Character MIS in the chart, which helped me with Assignment 2, since I was having a bit to trouble distinguishing between mystery and intrigue. Don't have time to write up notes, so I'll go on to Assignment 2.

ASSIGNMENT 2 – SILENCE OF THE LAMBS:
I was able to fill in nearly all Action, MIS, Character MIS, and Stakes slots for all the scenes. After Catherine was abducted, the stakes and suspense re would they save her in time cut across most scenes, in addition to other narrower suspense and stakes items.

I found plenty of MIS and character MIS in nearly every scene, plus surprising and shocking twists. I especially liked the way many scene endings would feed into the next scene such as when Lecter tells Clarice to give him a trade (Fed prison transfer) or what will happen to another Buffalo Bill victim (cliff-hanger) feeding into the next scene with Gump and Catherine.

Near the climax, the cutting back and forth between SWAT/Jack surrounding/entering supposedly Gumb’s house in Chicago and Clarice at Mrs. Lippman door in Ohio to gather evidence was great, and a highly suspenseful twist when Gumb answered there instead of in Chicago.

I’ve looked at both the screenplay and movie; the movie changes made it a lot better, snappier, reducing redundancies and unnecessary side info.

The way Clarice’s MIS and backstory was doled out piecemeal in the right dramatic context was great, with her screaming lambs past midpoint when Lecter was in the Memphis cage. It was further dramatic because she was not supposed to tell anything about herself and let Lecter get into her head.

The mystery and suspense were maintained or heightened due to something happening in the scenes that failed to get the most important questions answered or problems solved.

The CREEPY and SCARY parts were done well, adding to suspense in quite a few scenes–Lecter's storage, the Lipmann house after Clarice knew he was Gumb. Even the grey wilderness setting of the first scene and ominous music added to suspense and mystery, followed by the contrast of small, vulnerable-looking Clarice with the big male FBI cadets, who looked askance at her, then going through the armory (Chekhov's guns), then her looking at clippings of Buffalo Bill murders. It was better than the script, which had her on a role-playing violent arrest.

The mystery, especially near the end, came off as sort of an exciting Sherlock Holmes thing with Clarice using Lecter’s help and advice, investigating and piecing together who Buffalo Bill was and where he might be. Great plants for all this earlier in the movie.

Even the final scene was great leaving it to our imagination whether Lecter would have Chilton, who had betrayed the FBI which led to Lector’s escape, for dinner (a creepy double entendre).

I don't like horror, but this was very intellectual/psychological with complex characters, which kept it above the gore.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Day 3: Creating World/Characters with MIS

ASSIGNMENT
Lynn Vincentnathan

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT is before reading “Don’t get stuck in the trap of researching that world for more than 15 minutes,” I spent a whole day researching, because I was unsure of the various issues and possibilities within LA Tax Assessment and Calif Real Estate Development, as well as the LA fires. I couldn’t go forward until I had a better grasp of it.
……..The idea for this story, LEFT HAND OF REDEMPTION, was on my back burner for years, so I had already thought up most of the characters and some of their issues, but I brought in the LA fires, and doing the assignment gave me a lot of new ideas and possibilities. In fact, this course has made me drastically change my story by bringing in Trevor and his underhanded scheme; before the villains were just the thugs who rolled and slashed Jace.

1. CONCEPT and THE BIG M.I.S. OF MY STORY

CONCEPT: Robbers are out to kill the has-been screenwriter they slashed before he can regain his memory, but their boss wants him dead for a more nefarious reason.

BIG MYSTERY: Who is trying to kill Jace, what are they up to, and why are they so keen about it?

BIG INTRIGUE: Trevor, L.A. County Tax Assessor and big-time realtor, has been using unethical means to acquire property for his Fab Resort project, plus he harbors a nagging wound of being rejected early in life (for one thing by Hollywood) and wants revenge. He fears Jace will discover his dealings and he envies Jace for his success in Hollywood. (Jace married into his success, which makes Trevor hate him all the more.)

BIG SUSPENSE: What is the main danger to your Hero that will continue to escalate throughout the script?
At first it’s will he survive and recover from the attack on page 10 and get over his depression and suicidal impulses. Then will he evade the attackers who fear he will regain his memory and finger them. Then will Trevor have him killed because he is stumbling upon Trevor’s scheme. And it also seems his first love (whom he dumped) may be purposely putting him in danger by getting him involved in the Trevor matter. And his pathologically jealous ex-wife would like to kill him herself.

2. TELL US THE INTRIGUING WORLD YOU HAVE SELECTED FOR THIS STORY.

While it is fiction and no LA Tax Assessor is also a realtor, there is no law or rule against being both. (I know of a case in Texas, a tax assessor who uses inside/early info to do quite well in real estate.) Trevor, using two names, not only uses inside info, but also deceit spreading false info to scare people into selling, intimidation, threats, violence, and arson to achieve his means. Set during Jan/Feb 2025, Trevor is also piggy-backing on the LA urban conflagration to do a little arson himself in areas where he needs properties for his projects.

3. WITH YOUR TOP 2 OR 3 CHARACTERS, TELL US THE ROLE THEY PLAY AND THEN ANSWER THESE THREE QUESTIONS:

HERO – JACE
A. WHAT IS THE MYSTERY OF THIS CHARACTER? He is a man with regrets for his past wrongs, who still has potential to do great things. Why does he tend to throw it all away?
B. WHAT IS THE SUSPENSE OF THIS CHARACTER? He is a man who needs redemption before he or someone ends his life. Will his good side win out. Will he get involved investigating what’s going on with Trevor and the LA fires and find out before they kill him?
C. WHAT IS THE INTRIGUE OF THIS CHARACTER? From a working class family, he fell for an upper middle class girl in HS and college, who became his inspiration, his muse, until her father bought him out and dire ambition and low self-concept drove him to another woman. He is both snooty (protection, veneer) and has a low self esteem he can never shake, and now his first flame has reentered his life and he as a glimmer of hope at the end of the long, dark tunnel.

VILLAIN – TREVOR
A. WHAT IS THE MYSTERY OF THIS CHARACTER? Why does he need so much property for his project, what pushes him to do evil?
B. WHAT IS THE SUSPENSE OF THIS CHARACTER? Will he succeed in getting by with crime, arson, and murder? Can money, extortion, and connections keep him above the law?
C. WHAT IS THE INTRIGUE OF THIS CHARACTER? Trevor’s father was a high stakes real estate developer who disowned him because he wanted to make it in Hollywood instead of join with dad in the biz. Rejected by Hollywood he takes to realty with a vengeance and wheedles his way to becoming the top LA Tax Assessor. Seems he wants to be caught and punished OR He just thinks he can get by doing any unscrupulous things he wants.

RED HERRING 1 – ROUGHNECK PIKE
Note: the man/men who slashed and rolled Jace could be anyone, including anyone at the bar where Jace had insulted the customers prior to being attacked. Pike is the obvious attacker, since he interacted in a rough way with Jace, even mentioning Jace being rubbed out and giving him false directions to the men’s room–door to the alley, where Jace was attacked.
A. WHAT IS THE MYSTERY OF THIS CHARACTER? Who is trying to pin the blame on him?
B. WHAT IS THE SUSPENSE OF THIS CHARACTER? Why is someone trying to pin the blame on him?
C. WHAT IS THE INTRIGUE OF THIS CHARACTER? He hates snooty people like Jace because ?????

RED HERRING 2 – MACK
Note, Mack and Clint were the guys who actually slashed and rolled Jace, but it is their boss Trevor who is the force behind trying to kill Jace.
A. WHAT IS THE MYSTERY OF THIS CHARACTER? What crimes has Mack been involved in (past) and what is he planning to do in the present and future?
B. WHAT IS THE SUSPENSE OF THIS CHARACTER? Will Trevor do something against Mack to silence him? Will Mack fight back or squeal?
C. WHAT IS THE INTRIGUE OF THIS CHARACTER? He is sly, playing Trevor and others, a long time petty criminal, specializing in arson.

RED HERRING 3 – CLINT
Mack’s fearful sidekick/accomplice
A. WHAT IS THE MYSTERY OF THIS CHARACTER? What does Mack have on Clint that keeps him loyal and doing things he’d rather not?
B. WHAT IS THE SUSPENSE OF THIS CHARACTER? Will Trevor do something against Clint to silence him? Will Clint fight back or squeal?
C. WHAT IS THE INTRIGUE OF THIS CHARACTER? He is somewhat of a weakling, going along with and helping in Mack’s crimes.

RED HERRING 4 – MARY
Jace’s first love, whom he had to dump due to her father paying him off and/or threatening him and/or his ambition to make it in Hollywood.
A. WHAT IS THE MYSTERY OF THIS CHARACTER? Is Mary trying to help Jace or take her revenge on him? Why didn’t Mary chase after Jace if she loved him and help him avoid the pitfalls of life he fell into? Why has she suddenly appeared in Jace’s life now? Is she trying to help him, use him for her motive, or even get back at him as a final revenge?
B. WHAT IS THE SUSPENSE OF THIS CHARACTER? Will she succeed in helping Jace? Or will she throw him to the dogs?
C. WHAT IS THE INTRIGUE OF THIS CHARACTER? She appears to be sweet, helpful, even saintly, but Jace’s hospital nurse doesn’t trust her one bit (at least what Jace says about her). She is hiding what she really is, a ghost who died giving birth after Jace had left her. Her motive is to get Jace to uncover Trevor’s scheme. (Maybe also to get Trevor in shape to connect to their son he never knew he had.) Her father (now deceased) had kept everything about her from Jace.

RED HERRING 5 – LINNETTE, Jace’s ex-wife
A. WHAT IS THE MYSTERY OF THIS CHARACTER? She has a love/hate of Jace. Will she kill him? Will she tip off Trevor to where he is so Trevor can have him killed? Will she try to kill Mary?
B. WHAT IS THE SUSPENSE OF THIS CHARACTER? Will she be driven from Jace for good, or will she be there to nag and/harm him on into the future?
C. WHAT IS THE INTRIGUE OF THIS CHARACTER? She is a pathologically jealous person and a narcissist with an explosive temper, but more dangerous due to being the only child of a big movie producer. Maybe she is in cahoots with Trevor ??

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan

What I learned doing this assignment is that I needed to ratchet up the stakes, suspense, intrigue, and mystery. It was all sort of b-story ideas before and now I’m bringing it into the main plot.

TITLE: The Left Hand of Redemption

LOGLINE: Robbers are out to kill the has-been screenwriter they slashed before he can regain his memory.

1. WHAT ARE THE CONVENTIONS OF YOUR STORY?

UNWITTING BUT RESOURCEFUL HERO: At first Jace has no idea the thugs are out to get him, despite police fearing it. He’s has lost his career and material assets, he’s depressed over losing all, including use of his right hand. But there is one thing he hopes for, to get back to writing profound scripts, so his “research” seems to the bad guys that he’s closing in on them. Once he is alerted to their efforts, he’s curious to find out why and that puts him in more danger. But the more danger he faces, the more determined he is to find out what’s really going on.

DANGEROUS VILLAIN: Trevor Eckhart, an unscrupulous real estate developer, has killed and destroyed property in pursuit of his goal to build a chain of exclusive resorts; he now needs to have JACE killed, because he could thwart his plans if he regains his memory, follows connections, and does research that would out Trevor.

HIGH STAKES: Jace is nearly killed and now they need to finish the job. But as he gets more involved in finding out what’s really going on he discovers there are more people’s lives at stake.

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS: Jace is attacked by page 10, and now they are trying to finish the job. He is also suicidal or depressed and needs to overcome that and fight back. The big picture – Jace needs to find out about Trevor’s plot and out him before he can destroy more people’s lives.

THIS STORY IS THRILLING BECAUSE? It is set during the 2025 fires and a few of these were set by various arsons. We get into the underworld of arson and unscrupulous real estate development, as we are rooting for our hero to uncover the crimes before he himself is killed.

2. TELL US THE BIG M.I.S. OF YOUR STORY?

BIG MYSTERY: WHAT IS THE MAIN MYSTERY OF YOUR STORY THAT WILL KEEP US WONDERING THROUGHOUT THE STORY?
Why are the small-time attackers so intent on killing Jace, risking getting caught. What is really behind their crimes?

BIG INTRIGUE: WHAT IS THE COVERT, CLANDESTINE, UNDERHANDED PLOT THAT WILL LIVE UNDER THE SURFACE FOR MOST OF THE MOVIE?
Trevor has hired arsonists to wipe out a low-income neighborhood to buy them out and build a high-end resort. He also has a narcissistic personality disorder that makes him more over-the-top dangerous.

BIG SUSPENSE: WHAT IS THE MAIN DANGER TO YOUR HERO THAT WILL CONTINUE TO ESCALATE THROUGHOUT THE SCRIPT?
Jace is rolled and because he fought back, he is slashed, losing use of his right hand. Now the attackers want to finish the job (or monitor Jace) so he can’t ID them once he regains memory. They are also afraid to tell their boss, Trevor, who would be dangerously angry. But once Trevor finds out and that Jace was doing “research” on who started the LA fires (which Jace said off-the-cuff, not meaning it) big guns are now out to find and kill him.

COMPLICATIONS and RED HERRINGS: The police also fear the bad guys might come back to harm him, so they help Jace. And his first love in high school (the B story) is now helping him, but it seems at one point she may be putting him in danger. Why? Who is she and what has she become? Plus his pathologically jealous ex-wife would also like to see him dead and causes problems for him.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan

Movie (screenplay): THE SIXTH SENSE

What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to focus more on life and death situations than what’s in THE SIXTH SENSE, since I am not as skilled as M. Night Shyamalan (his movie falls a bit short in that area). However, his movie does have a lot of great mystery and a major thrill at the end and a lot of dramatic emotion, which holds it up.

I chose THE SIXTH SENSE because I am thinking of including ghosts in my thriller (though it will have more life and death situations as found in regular thrillers). For THE SIXTH SENSE regular life and death situations come too early or are too vague in the future: by page 10 Malcolm is shot and the implication that Cole could kill Malcolm if he fails in curing him seems vague and in the future. The story is more about serious emotional dangers: loss of a wife’s love and his beloved career/practice. What drives it more than SUSPENSE is MYSTERY.

WATCH THE MOVIE AND AS YOU DO, NOTE THE CONVENTIONS OF THIS STORY.

UNWITTING BUT RESOURCEFUL HERO: Malcolm is unwitting about what Cole’s (and Vincent’s) problem is and how to solve it, he is unwitting that he is actually dead, but he is quite resourceful and perseverant in is profession and coming up with smart solutions that finally pay off.

DANGEROUS VILLAIN: I do not consider Vincent, who shot Malcolm on page 10 or Cole (who much later could turn into a Vincent) to be the main or dangerous villains. It seems to me the DISGRUNTLED GHOSTS are the dangerous villains (sort of like a mild Zombie Apocalypse, but Malcolm doesn’t believe in them, then can’t see them). They are harming Cole (as they did Vincent), which interferes with Malcolm’s career success. Also his marriage in that he attributes working too hard on Cole’s case for neglecting his wife. That is the ghosts seem dangerous until the end when Malcolm figures out they just need someone to listen to them so they can go on.

HIGH STAKES: Failure in love/marriage and profession (which are high stakes for most people, esp Malcolm). There is also this niggling fear that Cole if he grows up disgruntled like Vincent could be a threat and is a threat or great challenge re Malcolm’s need for success this time.

LIFE AND DEATH SITUATIONS: In the first 10 pages, after a celebration of his successful career and loving conversation with his wife, Vincent threatens then shoots Malcolm because he could not cure him as a child. Thereafter Malcolm’s situation (we assume he recovered from his gunshot wound) is more in EMOTIONAL DANGER of his wife rejecting him and losing his practice. He needs to regain his wife’s love and his professional practice. The opportunity arises when he gets his first patient, the boy Cole, much like Vincent, who has serious problems.

THIS MOVIE IS THRILLING BECAUSE we are sympathetic to Malcolm’s and Cole’s situations (including the bullying Cole receives) but something creepy and weird is going on, a mystery and a bit scary. And it is really thrilling when Malcolm accepts the ghosts are real near the end, and finally when we find out Malcolm himself is one of those dissatisfied ghosts who need to let go. Whoa, what a spine-chilling thrill.

WHAT IS THE

BIG MYSTERY: What is troubling Cole, why is it so difficult for Malcolm to help him, this just escalates as the story progresses, even after we, then Malcolm, find out it is ghosts and their behavior.

BIG INTRIGUE: the whole disgruntled ghost world and how it interfaces with living people.

BIG SUSPENSE: Will Malcolm cure Cole, find success, save his marriage, get over his depression and sense of failure? Plenty of suspense with the struggles and blockages to this endeavor.

ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SAY ABOUT WHAT MADE THIS MOVIE A GREAT THRILLER?
Though not as much a thriller as other thrillers, it is really unique and a must see.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan

I’ve written 6 scripts, all in the Cli-Fi (climate change) subgenre, in various genres — action, sci-fi, rom-com, holiday rom-com.

I hope this class will help me write my 7th screenplay in the thriller genre.

Something special about me. I have a degree in anthropology and am a retired professor but have always been interested in fiction writing. Wrote and published a romance novella set in India some 40 years ago.

I am starting this course some 3 years after signing up for it. I took several others of Hal’s courses in the meantime.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan
I agree to the terms of this confidentiality agreement:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

NOTE ABOUT TV HOLIDAY SCREENPLAY PAGING: I gave people a bum steer when I wrote about the 9-act structure earlier. ACT ONE should be about 20 pages (elsewhere I read 18 pages). I wrote earlier it should be 25 pages. All the others are between 8-12 pages (elsewhere I read ACT TWO should be about 12 pages, with the other around 8-10 pages).

Brian Ruberry (professional TV romance screenwriter for Lifetime, etc) gave me script analysis on SOPHIE'S WHITE CHRISTMAS (now A WHITE CHRISTMAS GETAWAY) that had me put my meet-cute in Act One (something I and you all had been concerned about); he said it is usually around page 10, but he told me to at least put it by the end of Act One. So I'm into a serious rewrite and making good progress. He charges $250, but it is well worth it.

I had originally thought Act One was supposed to be 25 pages because Rick Garman's Hallmark scripts are that way; but after Brian's script analysis I checked again and saw that Act One in a SHOOTING SCRIPT of Rick's came to about 20 pages. It showed that several of his scenes had been cut or combined and there were a lot of partial pages.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Romance Emotions Part 2

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is that there are not as many of these stronger emotions as in Part 1 and they do tend to come more after the midpoint and lead to stronger audience engagement. Also, things like passion seem to be lacking or are muffled in Hallmark type movies. In fact, I was sort of worried my script’s stronger emotions went beyond the Hallmark model, though they should be enhanced in the regular RomCom model, esp “passion,” which I didn’t quite nail and will be working on.
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Look through your outline and find places you can build these emotions in scenes.
For each emotion, tell us what the scene is about and how you build the emotion into it:

Ethan’s need and goal is to have a family. His best friend Paul and now new friend Tilly fill that for him. He would never want to hurt either of them. After the midpoint, when he is free of (dumped by) his girlfriend he continues to fall harder for Tilly and later finds she is falling for him, but he has to suppress and discourage that because his friend Paul is obsessed with Tilly, wanting to date her, even though he hasn’t met her yet. He is caught on the horns of a dilemma.

BETRAYAL
ETHAN BETRAYS TILLY: Tilly wants nothing to do with the blind date her family is setting up for her. Ethan doesn’t tell her that he is in on setting that up with his friend Paul. Ethan delays telling her, then tries but fails to tell her. At the end of Act 3, Tilly finds out by overhearing a conversation, feels betrayed by Ethan, is terribly hurt and angry, and figures he only wanted to use her like her previous boyfriend did.

ETHAN BETRAYS PAUL: After midpoint, Ethan struggles not to betray Paul by taking Tilly away from him. He does not tell Paul the wonderful woman who saved him is Tilly, or about their growing attraction and love. At the end of Ac 3 Paul hears from a person that Ethan’s girl dumped him, and he suspects Ethan is in love with Tilly and is taking her away from him. He feels terribly betrayed.

ANGER
TILLY’S ANGER: At the end of Act 1 Tilly is very angry her family is setting up a blind date for her. At the end of Act 3 Tilly is angry (and terribly hurt) that Ethan is in on this blind date thing and has betrayed her. She also gets a bit angry in Act 1 when Weatherman 2 (Ethan) posts a negative comment about her, but she realizes there’s some truth to it. In several other instances in Act 1 and 2, she gets miffed by other happenings, but gets over it, realizing the situation.

PAUL’S ANGER: Paul gets very angry with Ethan when he figures out Ethan is in love with Tilly and taking her away from him, and has betrayed him by not telling the whole truth.

PASSION
Tilly struggles to suppress the possibility of sexual passion for Ethan, first because Ethan plans to propose to another, and later because she figures Ethan needs time to heal. I need to enhance this emotion. His main “passion” is expressed in her desire to care for others with a focus on Ethan in distress/trouble.

Ethan struggles to suppress his possibility of sexual passion for Tilly, first because he plans to marry another, then because Paul wants to date Tilly (and he has been in on setting it up). I need to enhance this emotion. His main “passion” is expressed in his desire for family.

OBSESSION
TILLY is obsessed with avoiding the blind date her family is setting up, from end of Act 1 onward, but relents a little, realizing it sounds crazy.

PAUL is totally obsessed with dating Tilly (her family setting it up for him via a common friend) from the beginning through about half of Act 4. Ethan is against him dating her at first, then when he meets and gets to know her, he’s all for it. Then when his girl dumps him and he can no longer deny his growing attraction & love for her, he tries to dissuade Paul from his obsession with a woman he’s never met, but it doesn’t work. It seems Paul has become more obsessed as the story goes on.

LOVE
Early in Act 2 when Tilly saves Ethan’s life, there is an attraction, but also a growing friendship, sympatico. As they are hole up together these feeling grow stronger, despite Ethan’s other commitments.

Tilly’s assistant is the one to point out to Ethan that Tilly has fallen hard for him, and later to Tilly that Ethan loves her.

At the very end Tilly and Ethan openly express their love.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Romance Emotions Part 1

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is that emotions can grip the audience. In fact, I came to realize the audience may be feeling more emotion at certain point than the characters (and vice versa).
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Look through your outline and find places you can build these emotions in scenes.
For each emotion, tell us what the scene is about and how you build the emotion into it:

ATTRACTION/DESIRE
— First scene with Ethan; he is at work with friend Paul discussing holiday plans — Tilly’s family is arranging a date for Tilly with Paul. Paul shows Ethan Tilly’s photo. Because Ethan finds her attractive (Action: Ethan sees her beauty and stifles his attraction) he is against his friend dating her, because he was left broken-hearted by a glamorous woman. Then on P19: Ethan, home alone on his laptop, can’t take his eyes off Tilly on her magazine website. Talks to himself: “She is a beauty… All the more reason to run away fast, Paul.”
——- By the time Ethan meets Tilly in person on P35-36 when she saves his life, not knowing she is Tilly, he says, “You’re a saint.” This is what he said about his plain jane girlfriend on P7 (because of her taking care of her sickly father), so it’s a different type of attraction. Then as she treats him for frostnip, Ethan’s grateful face looks adoringly at her close face. And a page later: She glances up at him. They smile warmly. They share a moment of magnetic connection, more than mere attraction, which is also there. Ethan breaks the spell–he has to–and looks at his foot, wriggling his toes. ETHAN: “Big Foot.” (in reference to her calling him Yeti when he appeared at her door). And the attraction phase continues…
— As for Tilly, she is against getting involved with anyone, having been used by a guy she loved. This plays out through the end of Act 1 when she gets angry with her family for trying to set her up with a blind date. However, when Ethan appears at her door all covered in snow and frost on P35, she somewhat affectionately calls him “Yeti.” Then, as above, they “share a moment” on P37.
——- By the next morning Tilly has come to know Ethan is determined to risk danger to travel to Chicago to propose to his girlfriend and attend her father’s funeral: Tilly is bit disappointed and mumbles to herself: “All the good ones are taken.”

DESIRE/YEARNING
— In Act 2 as Tilly and Ethan are holed up together, fleeting moments of desire flare up, but are suppressed because of Ethan’s commitment to his girlfriend. These increase.
— In Act 3 things take a different turn after Ethan’s girlfriend dumps him for an old beau. Their desire continues to increase, but now Ethan suppresses it because Tilly is the woman his best friend Paul plans to date and is really into it (the woman Ethan first discouraged Paul from in Act 1, then was all for their dating/love in Act 2, and is now conflicted between loyalty to Paul and his own growing love for Tilly in Act 3)
— In Act 4 when all is lost — Tilly angry that Ethan was in on setting her up on the blind date, thinking he was only playing her for that; Paul for suspecting Ethan loves Tilly and is angry with Ethan for not being forthcoming about all that was going on — Ethan leaves, yearning for Tilly, at least to make amends, and for his friendship with Paul.

DOUBT
— I’ve made it fairly clear from the beginning Tilly and Ethan are the leading characters (with differences that could help fulfill the other’s needs, and similarities in being dumped and other experiences). However, throughout Act 1 there is doubt (on the part of the audience) Tilly will even fall for Ethan or that she might fall for his friend Paul instead of Ethan.
— Throughout Act 1 there is doubt (on the part of the audience) Ethan’s relationship with his girlfriend will somehow end and that he will fall for the very type of glamorous woman he is determined never to fall for again.
— There is no hope for their relationship in Act 2, due to Ethan’s commitment to his girlfriend.
— In Act 3 things take a different turn after Ethan’s is dumped. He struggles to be loyal to Paul, hoping Paul is not that serious about Tilly, hoping Tilly will not be interested in Paul. But his loyalty compels him to at least let Paul have his try. He doubts he has much chance with Tilly, then when the issue that she has a boyfriend back east comes up (she is just using that to get her family off her back) Ethan doubts either he or Paul have a chance with her.
——- In a scene in the middle of Act 3 assistant Susan tells Ethan that Tilly loves him. He his now doubtful they can get together because he cannot backshoot Paul by taking Tilly away.
———— On P71 Ethan asks Paul if he’s “really, really” keen about dating Tilly; Paul says he is, so Ethan says he’ll do what he can to swing her his way. Paul says, “You’re the best friend a guy could have.”
— In Act 3, Tilly doesn’t have much doubt that Ethan will eventually come around after healing from him being dumped, which makes for a comedy conflict — Tilly into Ethan, Ethan into her, but trying all sorts of tactics to dissuade her.
— End of Act 3 Tilly finds out Ethan was in on setting her up on the blind date and now thinks he was only playing her for that (betrayal), whereas before she thought his reticence was because he only needed time to heal from being dumped. She doubts he ever loved her or was into her (also echoes the bad experience she had with an earlier guy).

JEALOUSY
— More disappointment than jealousy: In Act 2, Tilly feels bad that Ethan is “taken” (committed to another).
— More disappointment than jealousy and worry for Paul’s prospects with Tilly: In Act 3 Ethan guesses (wrongly) that Tilly has a serious boyfriend back East.
— End of Act 3 Paul becomes irately jealous on P87 when he figures Ethan is in love with Tilly and taking her away from him (he hasn’t even dated her yet).
— Paul gets jealous on P102 (5 pages from the end), after falling for Susan instead of Tilly, when Ethan calls Susan to figure out what he should do after messing up the second time. Paul grabs the phone and tells him, “Just-just you stay away from my daisy [ref to Susan].”

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Comedy Situations SOPHIE’S WHITE CHRISTMAS

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is I don’t have a lot of LOL comedy in my script, but will try to include more using this lesson. I was able to ramp up the humor in a few places, and when I realized I needed a new scene to make the Ethan’s hesitance about Tilly more believable while keeping it that he is falling for her, I was able to include good comedy in that scene, using these techniques (NEW ADDED SCENE below). Now my understanding is that many of the holiday movies, while labeled “romantic comedy” do not have a lot of comedy in them. More like heart-warming, smiley moments. So I’m also going after smiles as much as LOLs.

1. MISINTERPRETATION
— Ethan doesn’t recognize Tilly for a few scenes, only thinking she is this wonderful woman, a saint who saved his life, so he’s getting close to her (despite having a girlfriend he plans to propose to), then when he comes to realize it is “Tilly the traveler,” as he snidely remarked to Paul, he is embarrassed and ashamed of what he said against her.
— Tilly doesn’t know Ethan is “Weatherman 2” (who made a neg, but correct comment about her) but guesses correctly toward the end of Act 3 when both are confessing things. However, she’s in a rush and doesn’t give Ethan the time to tell the greatest deception — that he is in with her family in setting up his friend Paul to date her. This leads to somewhat funny responses and actions in Act 3 when Ethan tries to dissuade her from him, but she only thinks it’s because Ethan needs time to heal after being dumped by his girlfriend. Trying to push her toward the blind date man (his friend Paul), Ethan only draws her closer to himself.
— The Mayor thinks Ethan is Tilly’s husband, which leads to a bit of an embarrassment…. And the last thing Ethan wants with his friend expecting to date Tilly.
—NEW ADDED SCENE (Paul misinterprets the situation of Ethan falling for Tilly and Tilly has no idea Ethan is struggling to be loyal to Paul — sort of like the medieval rack, so it is also “Comedic Tragedy,” and the scene ends with “Embarrassment.”): Ethan has found out from Susan that Tilly has fallen for him, and having fallen for her he calls Paul to find out if Paul is really really into Tilly. Which Paul says he is (a bit of comedic repartee between them). Intercutting scene.
———-ETHAN (on cell): “Well, you couldn’t really really be that keen about dating her—” Tilly then emerges from the chalet to pick up the cap she left, but Ethan’s back is to her so he doesn’t see her. PAUL: “I am. I had a wonderful dream about Tilly last night. Please, please tell me I still have a chance.” The other meteorologists there smile or roll their eyes. ETHAN (very heavy sigh): “I just wanted to know if you’re really really keen about it… So, don’t worry, Bro, I’ll do what I can to swing it your way.” Tilly cocks her head, wondering what’s up. PAUL: “You’re the best friend a guy could have. Gotta get back to work.” Paul ends the call, a smile on his face. Ethan turns, sees Tilly, gets an OMG face. TILLY: “So…?” ETHAN (nervous): “A guy at work. Uh, wants something. I said I’d help.” Ethan gives her a cheeye smile, but Tilly is still confused as she heads back inside.

2. COMEDIC SURPRISE
SCENE TWISTS/ECHOES: Not sure if “scene twists” (in which the next scene plays upon something in the preceding scene, but usually a twist) might fit here, but I have a lot of them. Here are a few:
— P1-2: Tilly’s mom and sis worried about Tilly, and yikes about Sophie (Tilly’s niece) taking after Tilly, then NEXT SCENE we meet Tilly, the female protag. But it’s not surprise she fulfills her family’s concerns.
— P4-5: As Tilly and assistant Susan start their trip from NYC westward, singing “off to see the wizard…,” “follow the yellow brick road,” and “Go west, young gal, go west” implying a mythical adventure and pioneer spirit, the NEXT SCENE: EXT. LOS ANGELES – DAY: Establish [big bustling city] Los Angeles at Christmas, Hollywood sign, etc. And we meet the male protag.
— P9: Tilly and Susan discussing marriage and problems with meeting Mr. Right, then NEXT SCENE Ethan (re Paul wanting to date Tilly), says it depends on whether you want meaningless dates or to find Ms. Right, settle down, and have a family…
———- TOPPER: Paul says, “Family. But I reject your premise. Wow-looking doesn't mean she's not wifely or motherly. Don't judge a gal by her lipstick…”
—P22: Tilly and Susan are luxuriating in the Silver Bells hot spring pool. NEXT SCENE: Ethan and Paul are on their way to meet Tilly’s family, Paul saying, “Oh boy, oh boy, I’m in hot water.” Ethan, “Relax, they won’t boil you alive.”
—P27-35, the scenes go back and forth between Ethan struggling on his journey east from LA with setbacks, and Tilly having a great time in Silver Bells town and the chalet, until Ethan ends up frozen stiff at her door. And instead of hitting him over the head with the log she has in hand, fearing an intruder, she relaxes and exclaims, “Yeti!”

—METEOROLOGIST CAUGHT IN A BLIZZARD. Ethan has figured it all out, knows he can beat the blizzard by many hours, but not only is he delayed, and has failed to consider mountainous topography (which makes weather more fickle), but he fails to change his watch one hour ahead to MST (and his cell had died because his goofy ride-share Howie had plugged his zero-charge cell into the port).
———-ONE OF THE DELAYS: Ethan drives the whole way, because Howie only has a learner’s permit, so Ethan’s looking for more coffee and exits to get some. Howie says he needs a big hot meal. Ethan: “I have sandwiches.” Howie, “Growing boy.” Ethan spots a burger place just off the road and says, “A burger and fries will have to do.” Howie, “But I’m vegan. Save the earth.” Ethan says his sandwiches are veg, but have cheese.” Howie shakes his head, “won’t do.” Ethan passes the burger place and heads for the town. “Maybe we’ll find something in the town.”
———-WON’T PAY THE SCAM PRICE: Howie’s father tells Ethan he needs snow tires or tire chains if the Traction Law goes into effect (which is does). Ethan stops by a gas station to get chains, but they are $150. Ethan: “That's highway robbery!” Attendant, “You know how it is, we charge more—” Ethan, “Jack up the price.” Attendant, “Yeh, when we only have a few left and a storm’s coming.” Ethan, “I’ll just take my chances.”
—————-TOPPER: Attendant, “Well, good luck, buddy.”

— THE SNOW FAMILY: Near end of Act 2 because Ethan and Tilly are stuck at the chalet for a few days, Tilly suggests they do fun things, like make a snowman (a regular Hallmark Christmas trope). When in Act 3 Ethan is trying to dissuade Tilly from him, she shifts the talk to, “Why don't we get out and enjoy the snow, build a snow woman for our snowman.”
———- TOPPER 1: Ethan responds, “Next you’ll want a snow baby.”
———- TOPPER 2: Tilly, “Good idea.”

—I’LL RAISE YOU ONE: Near the end of Act 2, Tilly and Ethan are comparing their heartbreak stories and find them quite similar. Tilly fell hard for a guy who was just using her to get free publicity for his boss’s resort. “That’s my story,” says Ethan, explaining how he fell for a gal who was just using him to get a TV weathercaster position. Tilly, “And Cheryl [his current girlfriend] comforted you?” Ethan, “You know my story.” Tilly, “Well, I’ll raise you one. Mine already had a fiance.” Ethan, “Oh that poor woman.” Tilly, “Yeh. I hadn’t thought of it that way. That poor, unlucky woman.” … Tilly, “… And I didn’t have anyone to comfort me, only a family to make me feel worse ever since that I’m not married.” Ethan (sympathetic eyes) “I can’t beat that. I fold. You win the pot.” (a twinkle in his eyes) “So I owe you, what? I know, a dinner at a great restaurant. Do they have one in Silver Bells?” Tilly is thoroughly enjoying this now. “You bet. I think I’ll have lobster.”
———-A bit later, when Tilly tells Ethan he’s lifted her spirits, he replies, “That’s backwards. You’ve lifted mine. Not just saving my life, but I was drowning in, uh, past experiences.” Tilly, “Like almost unable to breathe?… So, I guess it’s a draw.”
———-And later, after Ethan has been dumped by his girl and they are luxuriating in the hot spring pool, he asks how she found this place. “Followed the yellow brick road. That’s my life. Exploration. Adventure.” Ethan, “But Dorothy only wanted one thing, to get out of Oz and get back home.” Tilly, “But she did have a great adventure.” Ethan, “So I guess that's a draw.” Tilly, “Yep.”

—PAY IT FORWARD: Ethan, grateful that Tilly saved and treated him, says a couple of times, “I don’t know how I can repay you.” She says, “If you were going west to L.A., there might be a way. [this is in reference to Susan’s suggestion she get someone to pose as her boyfriend to get her mom off her back]. [1] But you already repaid me. I was feeling lonely, especially with the storm.” A bit later when he again says he doesn’t know how he can repay her, she says, “ [2] Just pay it forward.” Then much later in Act 3 when Tilly’s family and the blind date are coming to CO, and when Ethan is trying to sway Tilly toward Paul (she doesn’t know it’s Ethan’s friend and is trying to get out of the blind date), she says, “You could stand in as my boyfriend. [3] You owe me, remember?” Which puts Ethan in a terrible bind, because he would never do anything to hurt his best buddy.

WEDDING CARRIAGE: Town holiday events include carriage rides for charity, with assorted carriages and horse wagons. Tilly and Ethan get in a lavish one, which says “Just Married” on the back. Susan has snapped a photo of them leaving, Tilly’s face and the sign visible, but not Ethan’s face. Tilly gets the photo and sends it to her family, who send it on to Paul, who calls Ethan frantic. [there was an earlier episode of Tilly’s sis telling Paul that Tilly may have a boyfriend. Paul says to Ethan, “So now Tilly is married. You could have told me.” Ethan calms Paul down telling Tilly doesn’t have a boyfriend and is not married….

3. WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE RESPONSE
— YETI/BIG FOOT — P2: TILLY: “I’d rather do skiing season in the Alps, confront Yeti… the Abominable Snowman, Rachel. Us fighting over Santa’s cap on the cover of GREAT GETAWAYS…. [reason] I don't like my mom and sister pestering me. Gets worse every Christmas. [not too funny here, but further mentions of Yeti and Big Foot in Act 2 and 4 tie it up]. This is only “exaggeration” not really “wildly inappropriate.”
———-Topper 1: When Ethan barely makes it to the chalet, frozen, covered in snow and frost, Tilly come to the door, picks up a log afraid of danger, opens the door and sees Ethan, she relaxes, puts the log down, and exclaims, “Yeti!”
———-Topper 2: A little later she is treating Ethan for frostnip, pressing a warm, wet hand towel against part affected. They have a connection/attraction, so when she gets to his foot, he wriggles his toes and says, “Big Foot.” “Hmm?” ETHAN: “They don’t call us Yeti here. We’re called Big Foot.”
———-Topper 3: In Act 4, after Ethan has failed patch up and Susan on the phone says, “But I wish you hadn’t told Paul that Tilly is his. That didn’t help.” Ethan responds, “I’m big foot… in my mouth… Well, I just came back to apologize, but messed up again. It’s best I go back to L.A.”
———-Topper 4: In the final scene Tilly says, “I love you, my Yeti.” Ethan responds, “Big Foot.” Tilly, “No, you’ll always be my Yeti.” Ethan, “You win.” (Note he uses “you win” with her and Paul when he just wants to end it or get on.)

4. FORCED UNION OF INCOMPATIBLES
— INCOMPATIBLES 1: Serious protag Ethan with co-worker and house-mate Paul (joker, insecure).
———-P5 Ethan speaks of bad weather, can’t definitively predict LA Xmas weather 2 weeks in advance, disturbing low in the Pacific. Paul: What, Ethan? You expect a blizzard? Ethan (eye roll) Ha-ha, Paul…. A bit later, when Ethan mentions there are pros and cons to heavy snow, Paul says, So you're the Grinch who stole white Christmas from L.A. They continue to engage in other somewhat humorous repartee in this 1st introductory sequence of scenes.
———- They have kept secrets from each other (re Ethan going to propose to girlfriend, Paul getting a blind date with Tilly) now revealed in their first scene. But there’s more to these secrets because of their DEAL: whoever get married first gets their great L.A. house near the beach they bought together in a big market dip.
—————- On P6. when Ethan says he’s going to propose, Paul responds: “Propose! So that’s it. Our deal.” Then Ethan accuses Paul of dating Tilly re the deal. Sort of a friendly, not-too-serious competition.
—————- TOPPER 1: P48: Ethan (before his girlfriend dumps him) tells Tilly about the DEAL trying to get her interested in Paul via the nice house Paul will get when Ethan marries and transfers to Chicago, but Tilly deflects that and turns it against this guy her family is trying to set her up with. This is MISINTERPRETATION, bec she doesn’t know Ethan’s friend is that guy… so his attempt only makes it worse.
—————- TOPPER 2: P64: In a Christmas white elephant exchange in which Tilly, Ethan, and Susan form one unit like a family, they get a pair of toddler roller skates, which Ethan says isn’t really a white elephant since one of us might use them if we have a kid. Tilly with a twinkle then says, “Okay, here's the deal. Whoever gets married and has a kid first gets the skates.”
—————- TOPPER 3: The thing keeping Tilly and Ethan apart in Act 3 and 4 is Ethan’s loyalty to Paul re Paul’s desire to date Tilly, but near the end of Act 4 it turns out that Paul is smitten by Susan, so when Ethan and Tilly finally get back together in love (a page before the end), Paul murmurs “Uh-oh, the deal.” After a while with Ethan & Tilly lovey-dovey, we turn to Paul, sitting on the settee with Susan, “Do your know about the house deal I have with Ethan?”
—————- TOPPER 4: Susan responds, “I heard and I’m game. And there’s a roller skate deal.” [not nearly as funny as Joe E. Brown at the end of SOME LIKE IT HOT, saying, “Nobody’s perfect.”]

— INCOMPATIBLES 2: Sophie (age 11) and her Aunt Tilly are adventurous dreamers as opposed to Tilly’s sis (Sophie’s mother) and mom, who are serious, realistic, and conventional.
———- p2: Sophie’s grandmother (Tilly’s mother) suggests Sophie takes after Tilly – drawing “yikes” expressions (age 11) as opposed to her realistic parents and grandmother telling her she won’t get a white Christmas in LA, “Aunt Tilly'll make it happen!”

— INCOMPATIBLES 3: While protags Tilly and Ethan shared heart-break experiences and a love of their scout experiences, they are very different in certain respects, which plays off of each other. They argue about the meaning of the Wizard of Oz – she points to the adventure, he says all Dorothy wanted was to go home, etc.

5. EMBARRASSMENT
— When Tilly takes Ethan to meet Susan she’s in the hot spring pool, Susan looks down at her bathing suit, a bit embarrassed, saying, “Hi, Ethan. Glad you’re keeping Tilly company. I’m not very presentable.” Ethan responds, “You’re fine. In California beach country that’s formalwear.”
———- TOPPER: Susan then suggests that they come and have a dip in the pool, to which he responds (embarrassed due to not wanting to get to close to Tilly because he plans to propose to another), “I didn't bring my, uh, California formalwear.” [And that might be the risque limit for Hallmark]
— ETHAN RETURNS (Act 4). Ethan appears at the kids’ snow event and watches Sophie and others from a distant. He goes to congratulate her when she places in a contest. Sophie and Tilly’s family are happy to see him, but not Tilly, who considers him a personal non grata for hurting her. She steps back.
———-TOPPER 1: Paul is not there, but arrives shortly, and when he sees Ethan he growls, “You can’t keep away from her [meaning Tilly].” They look at Paul. Sophie is distressed, Ethan crushed, Susan unhappy. Paul notes her reaction, making him feel ashamed.
———-TOPPER 2: Ethan notes Paul is standing close to Susan, as if they are a couple. Ethan says, “So Paul, how’s it going with Tilly?” Paul looks at Susan, nervous, unable to speak. She looks at him, waiting for the answer she would like. Ethan continues, “I’m not interfering. I have a place to stay. So… Tilly’s yours if she’ll have you.” Ethan gives Tilly a quick smile. She looks down. Before there can be any more talk Ethan walks away. [Note, Ethan probably should have said he just came back to apologize, whence we later get, “I’m Big Foot… in my mouth.”
— THE FINAL KISS. Ethan being a shy, discreet person, has herded Tilly out of view of her family and Paul and Susan to kiss her. Sophie rushes over, sees them and announces to the group, “They’re kissing.”

6. COMEDIC TRAGEDY
—THE INTERROGATION: Near the end of Act 1, Ethan goes with Paul to meet Tilly’s family, which scares Paul stiff and Ethan has to speak for him… which ends up the family likes Ethan more than Paul, which is the last thing Ethan wanted.
— End of Act 3, this is more tragic than funny, Tilly overhears Ethan speaking to Paul and comes to realize Paul is the guy her family AND ETHAN, were setting her up with. She misinterprets that Ethan was only playing her for his friend.
— All Ethan ever wanted was a family and Paul and Tilly are the closest he has to one, so when he hurts Paul and Tilly by not being truthful with them (afraid he’ll lose them), he is bereft, but of his own doing. More sad than funny, but some of the quips surrounding this fall out are a bit funny.
— Paul is with Susan (into her, but too shy to express it) when Ethan calls Susan to say he messed up again and is returning to L.A. Paul hears Susan’s end and knows it’s Ethan. He takes the phone. [note: a setup in Act 1 in which Ethan warns Paul against Tilly, “Find a nice daisy here. Don’t look for-for orchids. Or trouble.”] PAUL: “Paul here, Ethan. Just-just you stay away from my daisy.” Susan scrunches her face in confusion. ETHAN: “Not into your daisy, Bro. But since the orchid ship has sailed, I’m sailing back to L.A.” PAUL: “Whatever. Free country.” Paul ends the call and hands the cell back to Susan. ———- TOPPER: SUSAN: “Who is Daisy?” PAUL: “I, uh, well, uh, sometimes give people nicknames. It’s you, Susan.” She smiles broadly. Paul’s worry turns happy.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Plot – SOPHIE’S WHITE CHRISTMAS

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is those three previous assignments brought in together pretty much fill out the story. One thing I noticed for this story is there are several phases of inciting incidents (which I read somewhere is okay) — when in Act 1 separately they are made to go on their journeys and when they “meet” not in-person; and early in Act 2 when they are snowed in together and meet in person for the 1st time. Also 2 phases of the meet-cute, when they become aware of each other (not in-person) and later when they meet. If it weren’t for Sleepless in Seattle, I’d be worried… But I am worried there may not be enough of “they are meant for each other” in Act 1, except that they have what the other needs (he family commitment, she adventurous spirit).

1. Start with the structure; 2. Build in Stages of Romance; 3. Build in both transformational journeys; 4. Fill in any other scene ideas that come to you and smooth it out.
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ACT 1:
OPENING few scenes: Tilly with assistant Susan his headed from NY to LA on assignment, expressing dislike for her family in LA pushing marriage on her. Ethan is in his LA weather service office with best friend Paul; he mentions his upcoming trip to Chicago to propose to his girlfriend and shows disdain for Paul’s planned date with Tilly, because he thinks she’s flighty and Paul will get hurt.
_ _ _ _ _HER INITIAL STATE: Tilly, a glamorous travel writer, seems happy/satisfied with her career, but is stressed by her family pushing marriage on her and had problems with them discouraging her adventurous spirit. Also she was crushed when a guy she fell for used and cheated her (these points are dribbled out or alluded to in various Act 1 scenes and spelled out more clearly in Act 2 & 3).
_ _ _ _ _HIS INITIAL STATE: Ethan lives a staid life, wanting a family above all else, planning to propose to (whom he think’s is) sure thing, stable Cheryl, after having been dumped by a glamor woman.
_ _ _ _ _HIS MEET-CUTE MOMENT 1: Ethan sees Tilly’s magazine photo (stifles his attraction to her) in his first scene when his friend Paul says her family is arranging a date for him with her, but Ethan is against that, not wanting Paul to be hurt by a flighty glamor woman (as he was).
_ _ _ _ _HER MEET-CUTE MOMENT 1: When Tilly “meets” Ethan a few scenes later in a negative comment under his pseudonym she is upset, but also realizes there’s some truth in it.

HER INCITING INCIDENT 1: Tilly has to do a story on her boss’s uncle’s CO Airbnb; Tilly and Susan go there and to Silver Bells, CO nearby, finding it is a winter wonderland with hot springs pool, etc. They are happy there and Tilly considers staying rather than proceed to LA.

HIS INCITING INCIDENT 1: Ethan’s girlfriend’s father just died, so he has to get to Chicago in time for the funeral; he gets a ride-share, but it’s through CO rather than his preferred safer NM route (he hasn’t left yet).

TURNING POINT: Tilly’s mom and sister’s family invite Paul for dinner to check him out, but he insists Ethan come; Ethan is personable, Paul is scared stiff shy; they all like Ethan better, but know he has a gal. They then call Tilly to tell her they are setting up a blind date with a guy. She is furious and tells them she has a boyfriend (Susan knows it’s a lie, as does her mother); her mother says fine, bring him to LA, they’d love to meet him.

ACT 2:
NEW PLAN: Tilly considers having a friend at work pose as her boyfriend, or only seeing her family briefly unannounced, or not going to LA. Ethan sets out on his trip to Chicago (thru CO r/t preferred NM), despite a CO blizzard warning, figuring with drive-sharing he’ll pass through in plenty of time.
INCITING INCIDENT (ACT 2): the blizzard locks Tilly and Ethan in together for days. It makes her miss her L.A. assignment. It makes him miss Cheryl’s father’s funeral AND (Mid-Point) leaves it open for Cheryl to get engaged to an old high school beau.
_ _ _ _ _HIS MEET-CUTE MOMENT 2: When Ethan meets Tilly in person in the blizzard (not recognizing her) as she saves his life there’s an instant attraction and connection.
_ _ _ _ _HER MEET-CUTE MOMENT 2: When Tilly meets Ethan in person in the blizzard, not knowing he is the negative commenter, she is attracted and impressed by his strong commitment to get to a funeral, despite extremely bad weather. She sees him as a daring traveler (not at the staid guy he is).
_._._. ATTRACTION/FLIRTING: When they meet in person, not realizing who each is, and she saves his life and treats him for frostnip, there is an attraction between them, and more importantly a friendship develops. They engage in playful banter and enjoy each other’s company. There’s simpatico.

PLAN IN ACTION: Ethan’s trip is slowed down by several (mostly humorous) factors. Ethan is struggling. Tilly has Susan stay in SB, while she stays as the Airbnb. The historic blizzard hits. Ethan is barely able to make it to Tilly’s Airbnb. Tilly saves his life and treats him for frost nip. He comes to realizes she is a good person and would be good for Paul. There’s something growing between him and Tilly, but due to his plan to propose to his gal, they understand it can’t go further than friendship. An ensuing avalanche blocks access to the freeway, so Ethan misses the funeral and Tilly misses her work assignment in L.A. The blizzard thwarts their plans.
_._._. DENIAL: Ethan is on his way to propose to another woman, so both suppress those feelings of attraction. She mumbles, “The best ones are taken.”
_ _ _ _ _HIS INITIAL CHALLENGES, PART 1: He suppresses that attraction because he’s planning to propose to another. He’s concerned she doesn’t want to date Paul, but hopes it works for Paul and Tilly (now that he’s found her to be a fantastic, caring person), then everyone can be happy.
_ _ _ _ _HER INITIAL CHALLENGES, PART 1: When she shortly finds out Ethan’s trip is not just for a funeral, but to propose to another, she’s a bit disappointed, “All the good ones are taken.”
_._._. SEPARATION/FORCED TOGETHER, PART 1: They are snowed in together in a remote chalet and are together for 6 days, but because of his plan to marry another woman, they suppress their feelings for each other, even though their friendship and attraction grows.
_ _ _ _ _HIS MAJOR CONFLICT / OBSTACLE, PART 1: When at mid-point his “stable” girl dumps him and Ethan is growing more attracted to Tilly, developing a stronger connection, he suppresses that because Paul plans to date Tilly, claiming she’d make a good wife for him. Ethan cannot betray his best friend and needs to at least give Paul and Tilly a chance without interfering.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Ethan’s gal informs him she met an old friend who proposed, and she’s going to marry him. Ethan gets dumped and the Ethan-Tilly world changes.

ACT 3:
_._._. SEPARATION/FORCED TOGETHER, PART 2: Still snowed in together. When Ethan’s girlfriend dumps him, what keeps him psychologically separated is Paul’s desire to date Tilly. What keeps Tilly from pushing her love for Ethan is thinking he needs time to heal from being dumped.
_ _ _ _ _HIS INITIAL CHALLENGES, PART 2: After being dumped he still has to suppress his growing love for Tilly because of loyalty to his friend, who plans to date Tilly.
_ _ _ _ _HER INITIAL CHALLENGES, PART 2: Tilly thinks Ethan just needs time to heal and that’s why he’s reticent. She goes on up to Act 4 with this thinking, expecting him to heal so they can be together in love.

RETHINK EVERYTHING: Ethan is distressed and wants to return to LA after being dumped. Tilly now has some hope for their relationship, not knowing Paul is Ethan’s best friend, and Ethan now thinks Tilly is wonderful, good for his friend. Even though Susan tells Ethan that Tilly is in love with him, he doesn’t believe it. However, he does all he can (most humorous) to dissuade her, which only makes her love him more. As the three participate in Silver Bells’ pre-Christmas festivities, they come to feel they’d like to stay longer.
_._._. WORKING THROUGH ISSUES/DIFFERENCES: Ethan is family oriented, having lost his parents as a kid. She resists her family’s pressure to get married and tries to avoid them. He is a stay-at-home guy into “staycations,” she is a travel writer into exploration and adventure. (His negative comment was “What are you running from,” which she acknowledges holds some truth—she knows she’s running from a guy who cheated her and from her family suppressing her longing for adventure as a kid.) Before the big betrayal where all is lost, they have come to express these issues and have started to resolve them. He recognizes adventure is important, she realizes family is important.

NEW PLAN: Tilly, having missed the date for her LA assignment and knowing Sophie wants a white Christmas, invites her mother and sister’s family to come to CO for Christmas. Ethan invites Paul, saying he’s a good friend (Tilly not knowing he is the blind date). Paul has been getting upset by hearing about Tilly’s reluctance, but Ethan reassures him.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE / MAJOR SHIFT: Paul finds out Ethan’s girl has dumped him and is now upset Ethan is stealing Tilly from him. Paul calls Ethan and Tilly overhears Ethan’s end and comes to understand Paul is that blind date and Ethan is with her family in on it. She thinks Ethan has only been stringing her along for Paul and is furious. Ethan, having lost his friendship with Paul AND with Tilly, decides to leave for LA.
_._._._ HATE/BETRAYAL/ALL HOPE IS LOST: Ethan had belatedly tried to tell Tilly the truth about being Paul’s friend, but circumstances prevent that. When she does find out, she is furious and deeply hurt, thinking Ethan was just playing her for his friend, while she had thought he just needed time to heal from being dumped (“I’m stabbed in the heart again”). Ethan leaves realizing he has hurt her and his friend Paul (who thinks Ethan is trying to take Tilly away from him). Note: Tilly and Paul have not met yet, but Paul with her family are coming to CO be with her for Christmas. Her assistant Susan was not able earlier to convince Ethan that Tilly loves him, and now is unable to convince Tilly that Ethan loves her.
_ _ _ _ _HER MAJOR CONFLICT / OBSTACLE: When Tilly finds out at end of Act 3 that Ethan has been in on her family getting her into a blind date (she hasn’t met Paul yet), she is furious and hurt.
_ _ _ _ _HIS MAJOR CONFLICT / OBSTACLE, PART 2: At end of ACT 3 when Tilly finds out Ethan was in on setting her up (and supposes he was only stringing her along for that), she is so upset and hurt, that Ethan decides to leave, thinking he has lost the precious friendship of both Tilly and Paul.
_ _ _ _ _HIS SELF-REFLECTION: In Act 4 Ethan realizes he made terrible mistakes not being fully honest early on with Tilly and Paul (and not trusting them) – and is very sorry he lost the friendship of both, when what he dearly wants is family, and they were the closest to family he had.

ACT 4:
CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT: Ethan overnights with his ride-share’s family in Grand Junction and they coax him into going back. He wants to apologize to Tilly (she was too angry before to accept it) so he finds another place to stay in Silver Bells. But Tilly and Paul are not happy to see him. Paul is now falling for Susan and worries Ethan having lost Tilly is now after Susan. Ethan thinks of leaving, but an elderly couple convince him to stay and try, saying he has to “tickle her funny bone.”
_ _ _ _ _HER SELF-REFLECTION: After the blow-up (with Ethan leaving) Tilly’s assistant Susan tries to get her to understand that Ethan loves her, but she doesn’t accept that (which harks back to her earlier disappointment in love). Tilly does understand Ethan has (as she puts it) a misguided loyalty to his friend.
_ _ _ _ __HER ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH: Ethan has helped her develop a better consideration for her family and the need for family. In an earlier scene some 10 pp before the big blow-up, she has expressed a desire to change her career in a direction more compatible with Ethan’s life. There was a plant in Act 1 that she had other (unspecified) ideas about her career, and Ethan helps her to feel okay about having family life AND adventure. Susan’s message is sinking in, that Ethan loves her and not all men are like the former cheater.
_ _ _ _ _DEMONSTRATE HER CHANGE: She has increasingly shown throughout her journey her ability to get over her issues (gets upset, then relents), so in the end it is not surprising that she accepts/forgives Ethan. In Act 4 she graciously accepts her family’s visit and Paul (which she earlier rejected and feared).
_ _ _ _ __ HIS ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH: Ethan accepts his wrong-doing and his wrong-headedness about Tilly being unsuitable for Paul (and for him). Instead of continuing his flight away from them after the blow-up (what he accused Tilly of much earlier), he realizes he needs to go back and try again to apologize, but that he can’t stay with them and hotels are booked. An older person encourages him to look into B and Bs.
_ _ _ _ _DEMONSTRATE HIS CHANGE: He goes back and tries to make amends, but messes up. Then tries again.
RESOLUTION: Ethan arrives at the Airbnb Christmas day in a Santa’s cap with gifts. Sophie says all she wants from him for Christmas is to help her with scouts. Paul says he didn’t get a gift for Ethan. Ethan says all he wants for Christmas is his friendship–they tearfully embrace. Tilly says she didn’t get him a gift. Ethan says all I want for Christmas is you and declares it was “love at first frostbite.” He gets on his knee and begs her forgiveness. She says, “Sheesh, Ethan. I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.” Ethan surprised asks, “Would you? Marry me?” And she says that’s all she wants for Christmas. They go to a private place and kiss. Sophie peeks then announces to all, “they’re kissing.”
_._._.LOVE HAPPENS: the elderly B and B couple help Ethan to go back and apologize. At first that backfires, but he persists, gets down on his knee and asks her to forgive him (see above).
_ _ _ _ _HIS REUNION: If he can’t have her love, he wants her friendship and focuses on apologizing. He professes his love and she accepts him, professing her love.
_ _ _ _ _HER REUNION: When Ethan shows up at the end of Act 4, she is so ready to accept him and is a bit disappointed he only seems to want her forgiveness. But when he expresses his love for her, they come together.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Her Journey / His Journey – SOPHIE’S WHITE CHRISTMAS

WHAT I LEARNED from this assignment is the importance of tracking each lead’s transformational journey, for one thing because each has a separate journey with steps perhaps not aligned with each other.

CREATE THE INDIVIDUAL TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY FOR EACH LEAD CHARACTER.

ETHAN’S TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY CONTAINS:
1. INITIAL STATE: Ethan lives a staid life, wanting a family above all else, planning to propose to (whom he think’s is) a sure thing, stable woman, after having been dumped by a glamor woman.
2. MEET-CUTE MOMENT: Ethan “meets” her in a magazine photo in his first scene when his friend Paul says a date with her is being arrange–and he’s against that, not wanting Paul to be hurt by a flighty glamor woman (as he was). When 10 pp into Act 2 he meets her in person in the blizzard (not recognizing her) as she saves his life there’s an instant attraction and connection.
3. INITIAL CHALLENGES: He suppresses that attraction because he’s planning to propose to another. He’s concerned she doesn’t want to date Paul, but hopes it works for Paul and Tilly (now that he’s found her to be a fantastic, caring person), then all can be happy.
4. MAJOR CONFLICT / OBSTACLE: When at mid-point his “stable” girl dumps him and Ethan is growing more attracted to Tilly, developing a stronger connection, he suppresses that because Paul is very much hoping to date Tilly, claiming to be in love with her. He cannot betray his best friend and needs to at least give Paul and Tilly a chance without interfering. But when Tilly finds out Ethan was in on setting her up (and supposes he was only stringing her along for that), she is so upset and hurt, that Ethan decides to leave.
5. SELF-REFLECTION: In Act 4 Ethan realizes he made terrible mistakes not being fully honest with Tilly and Paul (and not trusting them) – and is very sorry he lost the friendship of both, when what he dearly wants is family, and they were the closest to family he had.
6. ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH: He accepts his wrong-doing and his wrong-headedness about Tilly being unsuitable for Paul (and him). Instead of continuing his flight away from them (what he accused Tilly of much earlier), he realizes he needs to try again and apologize to her but can’t stay with them & hotels are booked; an older person encourages him to look into B&Bs. He wants to make amends
7. DEMONSTRATE THE CHANGE: He goes back and tries to make amends, but messes up. Then tries again.
8. REUNION: More than her love, he wants her friendship and focuses on apologizing, but she has already gotten over her anger and idea that he was not in love with her, but just using her (for Paul). He professes his love and she accepts him, professing her love.

TILLY’S TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY CONTAINS:
1. INITIAL STATE: Tilly, a glamorous travel writer, seems happy/satisfied with her career, but is stressed by her family pushing marriage on her and had problems with them discouraging her adventurous spirit. Also she was crushed when a guy she fell for used and cheated her.
2. MEET-CUTE MOMENT: When Tilly “meets” him in a negative comment under a pseudonym she is upset, but also realizes there’s some truth in it. When she meets him in person in the blizzard she is attracted and is impressed by his extreme commitment to get to a funeral, despite extremely bad weather. She sees him as a daring traveler (not at the staid guy he is).
3. INITIAL CHALLENGES: When she shortly finds out he’s traveling mainly to propose to another, she’s a bit disappointed, “All the good ones are taken.” When Ethan’s girl dumps him, she thinks he just needs time to heal and that’s why he’s reticent (not knowing he’s the friend of the guy with whom her family is trying to set her up). She goes on up to Act 4 with this thinking, expecting him to heal so they can be together in love.
4. MAJOR CONFLICT / OBSTACLE: When Tilly finds out at end of Act 3 that Ethan has been in on her family getting her into a blind date (she hasn’t met Paul yet), she is furious and hurt.
5. SELF-REFLECTION: After the blow-up (with Ethan leaving) Tilly’s assistant Susan tries to make her understand that Ethan loves her, but she doesn’t accept that (which harks back to her earlier disappointment in love). Tilly does understand Ethan has (as she puts it) a misguided loyalty to his friend.
6. ACCEPTANCE AND GROWTH: Ethan has helped her develop a better consideration for her family and the need for family. In an earlier scene some 10 pp before the big blow-up, she has expressed a desire to change her career in a direction more compatible with Ethan’s life (there was a plant in her 1st scene that she had other ideas about her career). He helps her realize she can do that without giving up her adventurous spirit (he’s not like her family, trying to discourage that – in fact, Ethan develops a desire for that different adventure). And he helps her (and himself) realize they can have that AND a good family life as well. Susan’s message is sinking in, that Ethan loves her and not all men are like the former cheater, and she has not been able to get over her feeling for him.
7. DEMONSTRATE THE CHANGE: She has increasingly shown throughout her journey her ability to get over her issues (upset, then relent), so in the end it is not surprising that she accepts/forgives Ethan. In Act 4 she graciously accepts her family’s visit and Paul (which she earlier rejected and feared).
8. REUNION: When Ethan shows up at the end of Act 4, she is so ready to accept him and is a bit disappointed he only seems to want her forgiveness. But when he expresses his love for her, they come together.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s 7 Stages of Love – SOPHIE’S WHITE CHRISTMAS

WHAT I LEARNED doing this assignment is that despite myself I seem to have hit all these stages, but this will really help with the next script I write, for which I’m about to outline at this point.

CREATE THE 7 STAGES OF LOVE FOR YOUR TWO LEAD CHARACTERS.

1. MEET-CUTE: They don’t meet in person until soon after Act 1. However, Ethan “meets” Tilly early on (p. 7) as the travel magazine writer his friend Paul wants to date (he sees her glamorous photo in the magazine) and he’s against that because she is too glamorous and unstable; he’s afraid his friend will be hurt the way he was by a glamorous woman. He considers Paul to be the brother he never had.

Tilly “meets” Ethan on p. 15 under his screen name when she reads his negative comment about her, but she also realizes it holds some truth.

2. ATTRACTION/FLIRTING: When they do meet in person he doesn’t recognize her and she doesn’t know he’s the negative commenter. She saves his life and treats him for frostnip. There is an attraction between them, and more importantly a friendship develops.

3. DENIAL: Ethan is on his way to propose to another woman, so both suppress those feelings of attraction. She mumbles, “The best ones are taken.”

4. SEPARATION/FORCED TOGETHER: They are snowed in together in a remote chalet and are together for 6 days, but because of his plan to marry another woman, they suppress their feelings for each other, even though their friendship and attraction grows. When Ethan’s girlfriend dumps him mid-point, what keeps him psychologically separated is Paul’s desire to date Tilly and Paul’s professed love for her. What keeps Tilly from pushing her love for Ethan is thinking he needs time to heal from being dumped.

5. WORKING THROUGH ISSUES/DIFFERENCES: He is family oriented, having lost his as a kid. She resists her family’s pressure to get married and tries to avoid them. He is a stay-at-home guy into “staycations,” she is a travel writer into exploration and adventure. (His negative comment was “What are you running from,” which she acknowledges holds some truth—a guy who cheated her and her family suppressing her longing for adventure thru scouts as a kid.) Before the big betrayal where all is lost, they have come to express these issues and have started to resolve them.

6. HATE/BETRAYAL/ALL HOPE IS LOST: Ethan tries to tell Tilly the truth about being Paul’s friend (the guy her family is pushing, whom she absolutely does not want to blind date), but circumstances prevent that. When she does find out, she is furious and deeply hurt, thinking Ethan was just playing her for his friend, while she had though he just needed time to heal from being dumped (“I’m stabbed in the heart again”).

Ethan leaves realizing he has hurt her and his friend Paul (who thinks Ethan is trying to take Tilly away from him). Note: Tilly and Paul have not met yet, but Paul with her family are coming to see her for Christmas. Her assistant Susan was not able earlier to convince Ethan that Tilly loves him, and now is unable to convince Tilly that Ethan loves her.

7. LOVE HAPPENS: elderly people help Ethan to go back and apologize. At first that backfires, but he persists, gets down on his knee and asks her to forgive him. She says, “Sheesh, Ethan, I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.” Ethan, surprised, says, “Would you? Marry me?”

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Bigger Story SOPHIE’S WHITE CHRISTMAS
I thought I had already posted this, but here it is:
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT is the importance of looking into the best way to present these characters and their love journey. Even though I just finished writing the rough draft, I came on some other ideas for different versions (one with less settings!). Then the filling in the acts and beats helped me realize where my weaknesses and strengths were. NOTE: I wrote it with the Hallmark 9 Act structure (the first one, 25 pages; the other 8 ranging from 8 to 12 pages, usually 3 to 5 scenes). This was helpful because I tried to finds some hook cliff-hangers at the end of each act. And if it doesn’t sail with Hallmark, I can take the Act markers out for the other Holiday prodcos and distributors.

1. BRAINSTORM AT LEAST 5 IDEAS FOR EACH OF THESE AND SELECT THE ONE OR COMBINATION YOU LIKE BEST FOR YOUR BIGGER STORY.
A. WHAT INTERESTING WORLD COULD THIS MOVIE/SHOW BE SET IN? My idea was to have a blizzard and one character telling the other it may have been enhanced by global warming (more precip, greater storms, Rossby waves, etc). If it is a Hallmark script, this “issue” will have to be light and subtle (they don’t do issues). If not Hallmark type it could be more risque, slightly more issue-oriented, and more dramatic.
_____ 1. Hallmark type: Ethan is a meteorologist in snow country (CO or elsewhere), and Tilly comes on assignment and they get snowed in. (this might be good for less settings)
__X__ 2. Hallmark type: Ethan is going from LA to Chicago to propose to a woman, Tilly is going from NY to LA on assignment. A harsh blizzard and avalanche make them hole up together in CO.
_____ 3. Not Hallmark type: Ethan is a meteorologist in the Rio Grande Valley, Tilly has come to do a story. A big freeze happens (like the 2021 one, except worse) and she gets stuck there.
_____ 4. Not Hallmark type: No 2 above, except Tilly is the one who tells Ethan that the warming is causing harsher blizzards.
_____ 5. Hallmark type: Tilly and Ethan knew each other in high school and dated, but went their separate ways. He is now a widow with a daughter, Sophie, and has brought her to a snow resort because she wanted a white Christmas, but what she really wants is a mother and works to get them together. They get snowed in by a blizzard and avalanche….

B. WHAT MAJOR CONFLICT COULD BE HAPPENING? Note: Hallmark types don’t have very huge conflicts, and the antagonists turn out not to be bad or they come around to being good.
__X__ 1. Hallmark type: RE No 1 & 2 above: Ethan thinks Tilly is bad for his friend, until they are holed up in a blizzard. Tilly doesn’t like Ethan under his online screen name for making somewhat negative comments.
_____ 2. Not Hallmark type: Tilly is planning to marry a guy (who is just using her for free publicity for his resort) and resents Ethan trying to dissuade her. Ethan resents her from dissuading her against the gal he plans to marry.
_____ 3. Not Hallmark type: Both Tilly and Ethan agree about CC being a danger, but their bosses are against. Tilly’s or Ethan’s reluctance to go against the boss puts them at odds.
_____ 4. Hallmark type: Ethan is against the arranged date between his best friend and Tilly, because he thinks Tilly is not good for Paul.
_____ 5. Hallmark type: RE No 5 above: Tilly left Ethan because she wanted a career and free lifestyle, but is settled now in that town with a small business she loves. Something happens to make her think Ethan is going back to another woman or career opportunity ???

C. WHAT INTRIGUING SITUATION COULD THESE CHARACTERS BE ENGAGED IN?
_____ 1. Hallmark type: RE No 1 above: Ethan’s girlfriend is planning to join him and he’s planning to propose. Meanwhile his co-worker friend is planning to date Tilly when she comes (but Ethan thinks she is bad). Only Ethan and Tilly alone are holed up together during the blizzard and avalanche, he finds she is good. They fall in love, but due to girlfriend and friend issues, Ethan can’t express it until these get resolved.
_____ 2. Not Hallmark type: Tilly could be the one planning to marry a guy (who is just using her to get free publicity for his resort), and Ethan is on his way to an assignment at a meteorology station, but they get snowed in together.
_____ 3. Not Hallmark type: Both Tilly and Ethan are on the same page re CC, but their bosses are against. The issues that keep them apart are Tilly’s or Ethan’s reluctance to go against the boss.
__X__ 4. Hallmark type: RE Nos 1 and 2 above: When holed up with Tilly in a blizzard he finds she is a good person, but can’t express his love for her due to other commitments, while she comes to love him, not knowing he’s trying to set her up with his friend.
_____ 5. Hallmark type: RE No 5 above: Tilly left Ethan because she wanted a career and free lifestyle, but is settled now in that town with a small business she loves. They are falling in love again, but something happens to make her think Ethan is going back to another woman or career opportunity ???
______________________________________________________________________________
2. TURN THAT BIGGER STORY INTO A 3-ACT OR 4-ACT STRUCTURE.

ACT 1:
__OPENING few scenes: Tilly with assistant Susan his headed from NY to LA on assignment, expressing dislike for her family in LA pushing marriage on her. Ethan is in his LA weather service office with best friend Paul; he mentions his upcoming trip to Chicago to propose to his girlfriend and shows disdain for Paul’s planned date with Tilly, because he thinks she’s unstable and Paul will get hurt.
__INCITING INCIDENT: Tilly has to do a story on her boss’s uncle’s CO Airbnb; Tilly and Susan go there and to Silver Bells, CO a few miles farther, finding it is a winter wonderland with hot springs pool, etc. They are happy there and Tilly considers staying rather than proceed to LA; Ethan’s girlfriend’s father just died, so he has to get there in time for the funeral; he gets a ride-share, but it’s through CO rather than his preferred safer NM route (he hasn’t left yet).
__TURNING POINT: Tilly’s mom and sister’s family invite Paul for dinner to check him out, but he insists Ethan come; Ethan is personable, Paul is scared stiff shy; they all like Ethan better, but know he has a gal. They then call Tilly to tell her they are setting up a blind date with a guy. She is furious and tells them she has a boyfriend (Susan knows it’s a lie, as does her mother); her mother says fine, bring him to LA, they’d love to meet him.

ACT 2:
__NEW PLAN: Tilly considers having a friend at work pose as her boyfriend, or only seeing her family briefly unannounced, or not going to LA. Ethan sets out on his trip to Chicago, despite a CO blizzard warning, figuring with drive-sharing he’ll pass through in plenty of time.
__PLAN IN ACTION: Ethan’s trip is slowed down by several (most humorous) factors. Ethan is struggling. Tilly has Susan stay in SB, while she stays as the Airbnb. The historic blizzard hits. Ethan is barely able to make it to the Airbnb. Tilly saves his life and treats him for frost nip. He comes to realizes she is a good person and would be good for Paul. There’s something growing between him and Tilly, but due to his plan to propose to his gal, they understand it can’t go further than friendship. An avalanche blocks access to the freeway, so Ethan misses the funeral.
__MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Ethan’s gal informs him she met an old friend who proposed, and she’s going to marry him.

ACT 3:
__RETHINK EVERYTHING: Ethan is distressed and wants to return to LA. Tilly now has some hope for their relationship, not knowing Paul (her blind date & who has expressed to Ethan that he loves her) is Ethan’s best friend. Even though Susan tells Ethan that Tilly is in love with him, doesn’t believe. However, he does all he can (most humorous) to dissuade her, which only make her love him more. As the three participate in Silver Bells’ pre-Christmas festivities, they come to feel they’d like to stay longer.
__NEW PLAN: Tilly, knowing Sophie wants a white Christmas, invites her mother and sister’s family to come to SB for Christmas. Ethan invites Paul, saying he’s a good friend (Tilly not knowing he is the blind date). Paul has been getting upset by hearing about Tilly’s reluctance, but Ethan reassures him.
__TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE / MAJOR SHIFT: Paul finds out Ethan’s girl has dumped him and is now upset Ethan is stealing Tilly away from him. He calls Ethan and Tilly overhears Ethan’s end and comes to understand Paul is that blind date and Ethan is with her family in on it. She thinks Ethan has only been stringing her along for Paul and is furious. Ethan, having lost his friendship with Paul AND with Tilly, decides to leave for LA.

ACT 4:
__CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT: Ethan overnights with his ride-share’s family in Grand Junction and they coax him into going back. He wants to apologize to Tilly (she was too angry before to accept it) so he finds another place to stay in Silver Bells. But Tilly and Paul are not happy to see him. Paul is now falling for Susan and worries Ethan having lost Tilly is now after Susan. Ethan thinks of leaving, but an elderly couple convince him to stay and try, saying he has to “tickle her funny bone.”
__RESOLUTION: Ethan arrives at the Airbnb Christmas day in a Santa’s cap with gifts. Sophie says all she wants from him for Christmas is to help her with scouts. Paul says he didn’t get a gift for Ethan, thinking he wouldn’t be there. Ethan says all he wants for Christmas is his friendship – they tearfully embrace. Tilly says she didn’t get him a gift. Ethan says all I want for Christmas is you and declares is “love at first frostbite” for her. He gets on his knee and begs her forgiveness. She says, “Sheesh, Ethan. I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.” Ethan surprised asks, “Would you? Marry me?” And she says that’s all she wants for Christmas. They go to a private place and kiss. Sophie peeks then announces to all, “they’re kissing.”

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Bigger Story SOPHIE’S WHITE CHRISTMAS

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS ASSIGNMENT is the importance of looking into the best way to present these characters and their love journey. Even though I just finished writing the rough draft, I came on some other ideas for different versions (one with less settings!). Then the filling in the acts and beats helped me realize where my weaknesses and strengths were. NOTE: I wrote it with the Hallmark 9 Act structure (the first one, 25 pages; the other 8 ranging from 8 to 12 pages, usually 3 to 5 scenes). This was helpful because I tried to finds some hook cliff-hangers at the end of each act. And if it doesn’t sail with Hallmark, I can take the Act markers out for the other Holiday prodcos and distributors.

1. BRAINSTORM AT LEAST 5 IDEAS FOR EACH OF THESE AND SELECT THE ONE OR COMBINATION YOU LIKE BEST FOR YOUR BIGGER STORY.
A. WHAT INTERESTING WORLD COULD THIS MOVIE/SHOW BE SET IN? My idea was to have a blizzard and one character telling the other it may have been enhanced by global warming (more precip, greater storms, Rossby waves, etc). If it is a Hallmark script, this “issue” will have to be light and subtle (they don’t do issues). If not Hallmark type it could be more risque, slightly more issue-oriented, and more dramatic.
_____ 1. Hallmark type: Ethan is a meteorologist in snow country (CO or elsewhere), and Tilly comes on assignment and they get snowed in. (this might be good for less settings)
__X__ 2. Hallmark type: Ethan is going from LA to Chicago to propose to a woman, Tilly is going from NY to LA on assignment. A harsh blizzard and avalanche make them hole up together in CO.
_____ 3. Not Hallmark type: Ethan is a meteorologist in the Rio Grande Valley, Tilly has come to do a story. A big freeze happens (like the 2021 one, except worse) and she gets stuck there.
_____ 4. Not Hallmark type: No 2 above, except Tilly is the one who tells Ethan that the warming is causing harsher blizzards.
_____ 5. Hallmark type: Tilly and Ethan knew each other in high school and dated, but went their separate ways. He is now a widow with a daughter, Sophie, and has brought her to a snow resort because she wanted a white Christmas, but what she really wants is a mother and works to get them together. They get snowed in by a blizzard and avalanche….

B. WHAT MAJOR CONFLICT COULD BE HAPPENING? Note: Hallmark types don’t have very huge conflicts, and the antagonists turn out not to be bad or they come around to being good.
__X__ 1. Hallmark type: RE No 1 & 2 above: Ethan thinks Tilly is bad for his friend, until they are holed up in a blizzard. Tilly doesn’t like Ethan under his online screen name for making somewhat negative comments.
_____ 2. Not Hallmark type: Tilly is planning to marry a guy (who is just using her for free publicity for his resort) and resents Ethan trying to dissuade her. Ethan resents her from dissuading her against the gal he plans to marry.
_____ 3. Not Hallmark type: Both Tilly and Ethan agree about CC being a danger, but their bosses are against. Tilly’s or Ethan’s reluctance to go against the boss puts them at odds.
_____ 4. Hallmark type: Ethan is against the arranged date between his best friend and Tilly, because he thinks Tilly is not good for Paul.
_____ 5. Hallmark type: RE No 5 above: Tilly left Ethan because she wanted a career and free lifestyle, but is settled now in that town with a small business she loves. Something happens to make her think Ethan is going back to another woman or career opportunity ???

C. WHAT INTRIGUING SITUATION COULD THESE CHARACTERS BE ENGAGED IN?
_____ 1. Hallmark type: RE No 1 above: Ethan’s girlfriend is planning to join him and he’s planning to propose. Meanwhile his co-worker friend is planning to date Tilly when she comes (but Ethan thinks she is bad). Only Ethan and Tilly alone are holed up together during the blizzard and avalanche, he finds she is good. They fall in love, but due to girlfriend and friend issues, Ethan can’t express it until these get resolved.
_____ 2. Not Hallmark type: Tilly could be the one planning to marry a guy (who is just using her to get free publicity for his resort), and Ethan is on his way to an assignment at a meteorology station, but they get snowed in together.
_____ 3. Not Hallmark type: Both Tilly and Ethan are on the same page re CC, but their bosses are against. The issues that keep them apart are Tilly’s or Ethan’s reluctance to go against the boss.
__X__ 4. Hallmark type: RE Nos 1 and 2 above: When holed up with Tilly in a blizzard he finds she is a good person, but can’t express his love for her due to other commitments, while she comes to love him, not knowing he’s trying to set her up with his friend.
_____ 5. Hallmark type: RE No 5 above: Tilly left Ethan because she wanted a career and free lifestyle, but is settled now in that town with a small business she loves. They are falling in love again, but something happens to make her think Ethan is going back to another woman or career opportunity ???
______________________________________________________________________________
2. TURN THAT BIGGER STORY INTO A 3-ACT OR 4-ACT STRUCTURE.

ACT 1:
__OPENING few scenes: Tilly with assistant Susan his headed from NY to LA on assignment, expressing dislike for her family in LA pushing marriage on her. Ethan is in his LA weather service office with best friend Paul; he mentions his upcoming trip to Chicago to propose to his girlfriend and shows disdain for Paul’s planned date with Tilly, because he thinks she’s unstable and Paul will get hurt.
__INCITING INCIDENT: Tilly has to do a story on her boss’s uncle’s CO Airbnb; Tilly and Susan go there and to Silver Bells, CO a few miles farther, finding it is a winter wonderland with hot springs pool, etc. They are happy there and Tilly considers staying rather than proceed to LA; Ethan’s girlfriend’s father just died, so he has to get there in time for the funeral; he gets a ride-share, but it’s through CO rather than his preferred safer NM route (he hasn’t left yet).
__TURNING POINT: Tilly’s mom and sister’s family invite Paul for dinner to check him out, but he insists Ethan come; Ethan is personable, Paul is scared stiff shy; they all like Ethan better, but know he has a gal. They then call Tilly to tell her they are setting up a blind date with a guy. She is furious and tells them she has a boyfriend (Susan knows it’s a lie, as does her mother); her mother says fine, bring him to LA, they’d love to meet him.

ACT 2:
__NEW PLAN: Tilly considers having a friend at work pose as her boyfriend, or only seeing her family briefly unannounced, or not going to LA. Ethan sets out on his trip to Chicago, despite a CO blizzard warning, figuring with drive-sharing he’ll pass through in plenty of time.
__PLAN IN ACTION: Ethan’s trip is slowed down by several (most humorous) factors. Ethan is struggling. Tilly has Susan stay in SB, while she stays as the Airbnb. The historic blizzard hits. Ethan is barely able to make it to the Airbnb. Tilly saves his life and treats him for frost nip. He comes to realizes she is a good person and would be good for Paul. There’s something growing between him and Tilly, but due to his plan to propose to his gal, they understand it can’t go further than friendship. An avalanche blocks access to the freeway, so Ethan misses the funeral.
__MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: Ethan’s gal informs him she met an old friend who proposed, and she’s going to marry him.

ACT 3:
__RETHINK EVERYTHING: Ethan is distressed and wants to return to LA. Tilly now has some hope for their relationship, not knowing Paul (her blind date & who has expressed to Ethan that he loves her) is Ethan’s best friend. Even though Susan tells Ethan that Tilly is in love with him, doesn’t believe. However, he does all he can (most humorous) to dissuade her, which only make her love him more. As the three participate in Silver Bells’ pre-Christmas festivities, they come to feel they’d like to stay longer.
__NEW PLAN: Tilly, knowing Sophie wants a white Christmas, invites her mother and sister’s family to come to SB for Christmas. Ethan invites Paul, saying he’s a good friend (Tilly not knowing he is the blind date). Paul has been getting upset by hearing about Tilly’s reluctance, but Ethan reassures him.
__TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE / MAJOR SHIFT: Paul finds out Ethan’s girl has dumped him and is now upset Ethan is stealing Tilly away from him. He calls Ethan and Tilly overhears Ethan’s end and comes to understand Paul is that blind date and Ethan is with her family in on it. She thinks Ethan has only been stringing her along for Paul and is furious. Ethan, having lost his friendship with Paul AND with Tilly, decides to leave for LA.

ACT 4:
__CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT: Ethan overnights with his ride-share’s family in Grand Junction and they coax him into going back. He wants to apologize to Tilly (she was too angry before to accept it) so he finds another place to stay in Silver Bells. But Tilly and Paul are not happy to see him. Paul is now falling for Susan and worries Ethan having lost Tilly is now after Susan. Ethan thinks of leaving, but an elderly couple convince him to stay and try, saying he has to “tickle her funny bone.”
__RESOLUTION: Ethan arrives at the Airbnb Christmas day in a Santa’s cap with gifts. Sophie says all she wants from him for Christmas is to help her with scouts. Paul says he didn’t get a gift for Ethan, thinking he wouldn’t be there. Ethan says all he wants for Christmas is his friendship – they tearfully embrace. Tilly says she didn’t get him a gift. Ethan says all I want for Christmas is you and declares is “love at first frostbite” for her. He gets on his knee and begs her forgiveness. She says, “Sheesh, Ethan. I thought you were going to ask me to marry you.” Ethan surprised asks, “Would you? Marry me?” And she says that’s all she wants for Christmas. They go to a private place and kiss. Sophie peeks then announces to all, “they’re kissing.”

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

It just occurred to me that the bigger story is the historic CO blizzard (that throws them together), which Ethan explains could be enhanced by global warming bec it causes greater precip and storms, some coming as more snow and worse blizzards in some places. Which makes me think of Naomi Kline's book about climate change, This Changes Everything,… it also changed the trajectories of my 2 protags….

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

The HALLMARK 9 ACT STRUCTURE: I wanted to clarify how I think it relates to the SU's 4 act structure:
SU Act 1 = HM Act 1 (the 1st act alone being 25 pp)
SU Act 2 = HM Acts 2, 3, 4 (each act after Act 1 being between 8 and 12 pp)
SU Act 3 = HM Acts 5, 6, 7
SU Act 4 = NM Acts 8, 9
more or less…..

You can check how this 9-Act structure works in most of Rick Garman's scripts (he writes mainly for Hallmark) at https://rickgarman.com/projects/tv-movies/

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Rom Com Project SOPHIE’S WHITE CHRISTMAS

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT is that focusing on these characteristics and traits helps to include them in the script and up the action, dialog, and general story strands to cover them in an organic way. These traits make the story more appealing to write and hopefully for audiences to view.

CONCEPT: A travel magazine writer and a meteorologist headed in opposite career and driving directions before Christmas hole up together in a blizzard making them refigure what direction to go in their lives.

1. STARTING WITH YOUR CONCEPT AND CONVENTIONS, FILL IN AS MANY BLANKS AS YOU CAN FOR EACH OF YOUR LEAD CHARACTERS.
– WHO IS SHE? Tilly is a travel magazine writer, dynamic, into exploration and adventure; afraid to get involved after a heartbreak; upset with mom and sister for pushing marriage; caring, loves her niece Sophie.
______ 1st brief scene Tilly’s mom and sister worry and complain about her. Sophie is sure Aunt Tilly can get her a white Christmas, despite them living in L.A.
______ 2nd and 4th scenes show Tilly on journey from NY to LA on assignments. Her assistant Susan draws it out about her being against getting romantically involved and against her family pushing; also that Tilly had an idea for a different type of travel magazine (unspecified at that point).
______ Early on Tilly expresses CARE for niece and when she meets Ethan early in Act 2, she saves his life.
______________________________________________________________
– WHO IS HE? Ethan is an L.A. meteorologist, a STAY-AT-HOME guy who wants marriage and family because of losing his family as a kid; COMMITTED to his girlfriend and to his best friend Paul.
______ 3rd and 5th Scenes show him at work with Paul discussing his objection Tilly and her family arranging a date for Paul with Tilly and his own plan to propose to his girlfriend. Also Paul brings up how traveling to Chicago to propose mucks up Ethan’s “STAYCATION” idea. In Scene 5 there is mention of his heartbreak from a glamor girl dumping him.
______ After the midpoint when Ethan’s “stable” girlfriend dumps him and he has come to realize Tilly is a wonderful person, it is Ethan’s COMMITMENT to friend Paul, his need not to hurt him, that prevents him from expressing and acting on his love for Tilly.
_______________________________________________________________
– WHAT MAKES THEM LOVABLE?
_______ ETHAN: his commitment to friends; his desire for marriage and family; his value of character over glamor; his vulnerability of being dumped; his friendly repartee and joking around, despite being mature and somewhat serious. Facing the horns of a dilemma — hurt his friend or hurt Tilly.
_______ TILLY: adventurous, fun, caring for others, vulnerability from being dumped, ability to get over problems, relents, and forgives.
________________________________________________________________
– WHAT ATTRACTS THEM TO EACH OTHER?
_______ WHAT ATTRACTS TILLY TO ETHAN: his goodness, stable commitment, physical attraction, their fun and repartee, their shared disappointments in love and other experiences/values, his need for being saved and cared for (physical and emotional).
_______ WHAT ATTRACTS ETHAN TO TILLY: her saving his life and caring for him, physical attraction, their fun and repartee, their shared disappointments in love and other experiences/values.
_________________________________________________________________
– WHAT NEEDS DOES EACH FULFILL FOR THE OTHER?
_______ WHAT NEEDS DOES ETHAN FULFILL FOR TILLY: stability, reorientation to family, inspiration for a new career direction, the need to care for someone in need, all without losing her need for adventure and fun.
_______ WHAT NEEDS DOES TILLY FULFILL FOR ETHAN: zest for life, fun, and adventure; courage to follow his dream of a new career direction; his deep need for a loving wife and family.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Rom Com Project

WHAT I LEARNED from this assignment are the basic ingredients of romcoms (with good examples) and that I should get those right before anything else. The SU RomCom free class I watched earlier covered much the same and got me thinking about my concept (plus lots of info on how to write holiday movies). I finally plunged in and started writing it, so now this lesson will help with the rewrite and final pages since it got me thinking much deeper on those points. And I’ll be using them on the next rom-com screenplay I’m already thinking about.

CREATE YOUR CONCEPT AND CONVENTIONS
1. Starting with whatever idea you have, fill in the blanks to create a concept.
–TWO PEOPLE WHO BELONG TOGETHER: they share values and experiences (we find out later), they dislike each other before meeting in person, but once they do meet (not knowing who they are) there is chemistry and sympatico. They heal each other’s broken heart. As for their obvious differences, those help to complete the other: he stabilizes her; she adds the zest of adventure for him.

–HOW ARE THEY SEPARATED: not only are they on opposite sides of the country (driving toward each other), but without meeting in person, Ethan (a meteorologist) is sure Tilly (a travel magazine writer) will be bad for his best friend Paul (her family is trying to set up a date between them). And she is really ticked off by a comment he made on her article under the pseudonym, Weatherman 2. He plans to propose to his girlfriend; she wants nothing to do with dates or men after being hurt in love. She is a traveler; he is a stay-at-home guy.

–WHAT FORCES THEM TOGETHER: holing up together in a Colorado blizzard, she saves his life.

–ISSUES TO BE RESOLVED: Ethan is planning to marry another gal, who midpoint breaks up with him, but once he realizes who Tilly is and that a date is being set up between her and his very best friend Paul (who seems head over heels for her, despite never meeting her), he is in a terrible dilemma (Tilly doesn’t yet know Ethan is Paul’s friend). She is very upset her family is pushing her on marriage and now trying for fix a date for her, so she told them a lie that she had a boyfriend. She is trying to get Ethan to pose as that boyfriend. They both need to come clean and get into trusting each other. Toward the end Ethan has tried to tell her the truth, but that was blocked. She finds out and is furious. And Paul finds out Ethan’s girlfriend dumped him and suspects rightly that Ethan loves Tilly and wrongly that Ethan is trying to take her away from him. All is lost at that point. Somehow Ethan needs to make effective amends, and Tilly needs to come around. That’s the part I still need to write.

–ON THEIR JOURNEY OF LOVE: When the meet and get to know each other as persons (not knowing who they are) there are sparks of love and a good friendship. The above things keep them apart, and even after Ethan is dumped and Tilly now thinks she has a chance with him, she thinks his reluctance is due to his love-hurt and that he needs time to heal from that. Because of deceptions on both parts, their coming together in forgiveness in the end is very strong.
==========================================================================

2. THEN FILL IN THE BLANKS TO CREATE YOUR CONVENTIONS. Even though some of these are the same, it is worth looking at them in the context of the conventions.
–EXPERIENCE OF FALLING IN LOVE: 2 meet-cutes: 1. FRIST before they meet in person Ethan has a low opinion of Tilly; he doesn’t want Paul to get involved with her, fearing he’ll be hurt. He makes a negative comment about her on her travel story site using a avatar name. She is upset with him, but also realizes there is some truth. 2. SECOND They meet in person but don’t recognize each other when he shows up nearly frozen and she nurses him to health. Holed up together in the blizzard they become loving friends, attraction suppressed because he's planning to get engaged. After his girlfriend breaks up with him, Tilly falls in love with him, but due to his hurt doesn’t want to push it. He is falling in love with her, but suppresses it because he doesn’t want to hurt Paul.

–THE JOURNEY OF LOVE:
____TWO PEOPLE GO FROM THEIR “MEET-CUTE”– From the FIRST one (without meeting in person) we only know Ethan wants to marry his girl because he lost his family, and he doesn’t really seem to love her. Plus he is physically attracted to Tilly based on her photo, but shuns that because his heart-break was with a glamor girl like Tilly. As for Tilly she has problems with her family and is being too skittish about getting involved again. So the audience may be rooting for them to get over it and on to a better life. Since both characters are likable, in command, with some flaws, the audience may be seeing them get together, with problems. From the SECOND meet-cute, we know there is something great between them.
____DENIAL OF LOVE: because of Ethan’s plan to marry his girl, and internal problems each as, they are in denial and suppressing their feelings. For Ethan, even when his girl dumps him.
____ TO OVERWHELMING ATTRACTION. Despite efforts to suppress, the attraction and love, it’s palpable. Tilly’s assistant knows Tilly loves Ethan and tells him (he dismisses it), and she knows Ethan loves Tilly (she dismisses it). However, they are going forward with a great sympatico friendship, which is all Ethan can hope for at this point.
____BREAKING UP OVER DIFFERENCES: Ethan does try to come clean and tell Tilly the truth, but is interrupted. She finds out the hard way and is furious, plus Paul is angry with Ethan…. So he’s lost everything that’s important to him. And Tilly has again been stabbed in the heart by a deceitful man.
____FINALLY REUNITING AND EXPERIENCING THE LOVE OF THEIR LIFE. I have to write this part, but they do come together, stronger for having gone through problems and overcome them by forgiveness and true love.

–RELATIONSHIP SET-UP: I was glad SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE was successful, even though they didn’t meet until the end, because in mine they don’t meet in person until the first part of Act 2. So in a way there are 2 meet-cutes: 1. When Ethan finds Paul wants to date her and he’s very much afraid Paul will be hurt, that Tilly is not right for him, unstable. Ethan writes a negative comment on her page, which make Tilly dislike him, while admitting he is sort of right. 2. When they meet in person during the blizzard.

–ISSUES EACH MUST RESOLVE: Each person has an internal personal issue that must be resolved for them to truly be together. This requires personal growth for them to become a couple. Ethan is too reserved, stay-at-home, fearful of adventure (after losing his parents as a teen, and other things). Tilly is running away from something (Ethan’s comment on her page), from her broken heart and from her family’s efforts during childhood to stifle her adventurous spirit. He helps her to understand that family and stability are important; she helps him to venture out into adventure, and that they can have both.

–SEPARATION: FIRST it is Ethan’s plan to propose to his girlfriend that keeps them friends only, but because there are hints that he’s not really in love with his girlfriend, the audience may yearn for him to not marry her, also that he comes to really care for, like, and love Tilly. SECOND, Ethan does not want to betray Paul (the audience might think that Paul doesn’t really love Tilly and knows she is totally against going on a date her family sets up). THIS LAST SEPARATION may be what makes the audience yearn more for them to get together: It comes out and Tilly is furious, as is Paul to find out later that Ethan’s girlfriend broke up with him. Paul suspects rightly that Ethan loves Tilly, but wrongly that Ethan is trying to steal her away. Ethan leaves, having lost at love again and his friendship with Paul.

–HOW WILL COMEDY BE EXPRESSED:
______1. Disagreements/conflict between Ethan/Paul, Tilly/ Her family, Tilly/Ethan—some comedic with witty repartee, some dramatic. The Tilly/Ethan argument over the meaning of the Wizard of Oz, etc.
______2. The set piece of Ethan driving from LA to CO, everything going wrong like causing delays, into the blizzard over several scenes, and showing up all iced over at Tilly’s door, she greeting him as “Yeti!” (with an earlier Yeti plant on page 2, which also informs that Yeti is the Abominable Snowman), and the topper re Big Foot when she treats his big feet for frostnip, and he says here we’re called Big Foot. Tilly, “No, you looked like Yeti to me.”
______3. The arrangement of scenes between Ethan and Tilly with opposing takes on the same thing.
______4. It seems my story fits Mernit’s (Writing the Romantic Comedy) COMEDY-DRAMA tone more than his other tone types. Also the Hallmark type is a bit bland, so the other types don’t seem to fit its model.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

1. Lynn Vincentnathan
2. How many scripts you’ve written? 5.9
3. What you hope to get out of the class? Improve my rom-com and general screenwriting skills.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I live in Edinburg, TX, but am in India right now. I wrote a romance novella (published) set in India decades ago, THE MARRIAGE SEASON. I'm now into climate change (cli-fi) screenwriting in various genres — sci-fi, action, now rom-com. I just finished Act 8 of the Hallmark holiday 9-Act structure on a cli-fi Christmas Rom-Com. Don't worry it has a blizzard of Colordao snow because the warming causes more precip and storms, but not sure if I will use that in this class, or one I'm thinking of writing next, set in the Rio Grande Valley. None of my screenplays are set in India so far.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Budget

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS I couldn’t at this point reduce costs down to 1M, it’ll probably be at least 5-10M – need to keep thinking of how to lower it further. And I need to brainstorm more for the high budget one…. which I don’t think will be too difficult as I write that version, even as I write the low-budget version, putting a “wish-list” on the side.

==============================

LOW BUDGET (5-10M)

MAIN VARIABLES

NUMBER OF LOCATIONS: 3 INT in fixed up rooms in house, office, room fixed to look like a bunker (curved ceiling), 2 EXT at front of house & yard with a grave marker

EXPENSIVE LOCATIONS: none

NUMBER OF CHARACTERS: 5, none A-list

SPECIAL EFFECTS: none

NUMBER OF PAGES: 90

STUNTS, CHASE SCENES, AND FIGHT SCENES: very limited within rooms

SPECIAL SETS: simple bunker (not like 10 Cloverfield Lane) with 2 rooms max

SECONDARY VARIABLES

RIGHTS TO MUSIC, BRANDS, BOOKS, ETC: Create a Ballad of Jerrod McKay (writer can do this)

EXPLOSIONS AND FIREARM: No actual use of firearms, except one shot to the lead toward the end. 2 small sidearms and 3 power arms (like AR-15s)

KIDS — SHORTER WORK DAYS, TUTOR ON THE SET: none

WEATHER — RAIN, SNOW, WIND, TORNADOS: From INT they heard a hard knock – from a horrific storm outside (we don’t hardly see)

NIGHT SCENES: ?? not sure

HELICOPTERS, AIRCRAFT, DRONE SHOTS: none

GREEN SCREEN WORK: ?? not sure

EXTENSIVE MAKE-UP/WARDROBE: wardrobe should look like poor clothes in near future ravaged by climate change (minor differences)

ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE: ?? not sure

ANYTHING ELSE DANGEROUS THAT INCREASES PREPARATION TIME AND/OR INSURANCE: ?? note sure

===============================

HIGH BUDGET (20-50M)

MAIN VARIABLES

NUMBER OF LOCATIONS: 6 or 7 INT in fixed up rooms, 2 EXT at front of house, yard with a grave marker (more extensive footage of this and front of somewhat futuristic home in the year 2108, adapted to ravages of climate change.

EXPENSIVE LOCATIONS: not sure, but if a city or actual area is mentioned, some CGI or FX to make the place look like climate ravaged in the future (year 2108)

NUMBER OF CHARACTERS: 5, some A-List (I’m thinking Harrison Ford for the lead as 87 yr old Lew).

SPECIAL EFFECTS: ?? not sure, as needed

NUMBER OF PAGES: 110

CROWD SCENES: none

STUNTS, CHASE SCENES, AND FIGHT SCENES: more dramatic within house than the low-budget version

SPECIAL SETS: INT bunker with more elaborate rooms, passages.

SECONDARY VARIABLES

RIGHTS TO MUSIC, BRANDS, BOOKS, ETC: have professionals do the ballad

EXPLOSIONS AND FIREARM: more firearm use, maybe a small bomb dropped into the bunker or teargas & smoke.

KIDS — SHORTER WORK DAYS, TUTOR ON THE SET: none (or Megan’s child is born, a toddler)

WEATHER — RAIN, SNOW, WIND, TORNADOS: more footage of the storm that sends the branch crashing against the door.

NIGHT SCENES: ?? not sure

HELICOPTERS, AIRCRAFT, DRONE SHOTS: maybe of Lew’s property

GREEN SCREEN WORK: ?? not sure

EXTENSIVE MAKE-UP/WARDROBE: wardrobe should look like poor clothes in near future ravaged by climate change (greater differences)

ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE: shots of storms, wildfires, floods and other ravages of climate change

ANYTHING ELSE DANGEROUS THAT INCREASES PREPARATION TIME AND/OR INSURANCE: ?? not sure.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Writes Great Hope/Fear

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS coming up with more emotional ways to present the flow of action and dialogue. Doing so also covers up exposition a bit; emotional dialogue can make it so we can skip certain action scenes & reduce pages (I’m thinking Quint’s monologue in JAWS that packs a lot of fear and makes us visualize, as if we actually saw it). I also came up with more ideas for the script.

========================

Concept: When the third elder massacre flares up, an old man must fight back to protect his family.

Main Conflict: Between Lew and himself (regrets), between Lew and Josh & Megan (for different reasons), and MAINLY between a wise elder (Lew) and elder killers (Roz and Hillard).

ACT 1

DESPAIR: Lew, age 87, is like a repentant monk in a monastery, a hiding place in grandson Josh’s home

INCOMPATIBILITY, SOME HOPE: He overhears Megan (Josh’s wife) complain about Lew, that there won’t be enough rations when their baby come. Fight between Josh & Megan.

HOPE: Josh enters and encourages Lew, says he’s already done great things in life & deserves to live.

DESPAIR: Lew says he’s gonna die soon anyway & doesn’t want to be a burden or draw trouble from authorities to them. He agrees that the “elderly camps” Megan mentioned are actually death camp.

HOPE, sort of: Lew sees Josh, who loves him very much, is upset & sooths him saying he’ll make his decision later, much, much later.

WOUNDS: Meanwhile in the Local Rations Department: Roz, Chief Rations Recipients (Rat-Res) Inspector, discusses problems with Hillard, her young, hot-headed assistant, bringing in their wounds from climate change harming their loved ones.

PSYCHOLOGICAL/IDEOLOGICAL ISSUES (that make Roz seem the more formidable of this pair): Roz tells of her hero, JERROD ISAACS, the legendary leader of the original geronticide of 2049 – his writing, Doomer, re his ideology and techniques.

DANGEROUS/RESTRICTING/NOT LIVABLE: They get a call from their superior: they will have to find a way to cut rations, with food supplies dwindling faster than expected.

INCITING INCIDENT

INCREASING TENSION: Roz makes an appointment to visit/inspect Josh and Megan.

UNPREDICTABILITY: Josh & Megan have to make sure Lew is well hidden

TURNING POINT 1

THREAT: Rations inspectors arrive at Josh’s home & Hillard makes threatening comments, checking around the house.

HOPE: Roz takes control, tamps down Hillard, and acts very pleasantly, putting them at ease.

NOT LIVABLE: Roz says sorry, they cannot give more rations to Megan bec she’s pregnant, and even the food for her child will be barely enough. The whole world is running short on food.

THREAT: Roz also mentions that they need to find all the elderly and trot them off to an elderly camp, where they’ll be given less rations – Hillard: “until they die. Hopefully sooner than later.”

ACT 2

DANGER: After the inspectors leave Josh tells Lew and Megan he does buy it, remembering the earlier geronticides

INCOMPATABILITY: There’s a big fights between Megan & Josh, with Lew thinking of leaving & letting them have more.

HOPE-NEW PLAN: Josh puts down his foot; Lew and Megan agree to see how it goes with Lew’s new horticultural efforts and their rations.

DESPAIR: Lew says “I don’t really deserve it,” but reluctantly acquiesces to Lew’s solution.

HOPE: Lew happily works on the indoor garden

TURNING POINT 2

IMPENDING DOOM: Josh receives a call that they have information that he is harboring an eldering person, which could endanger his entire family.

MORE DANGER – UNPREDICTABILITY: They also find out there’s elderly killings – the start of another geronticide??

ACT 3

OPPOSING NEEDS/DESIRES/REGRETS: Megan admits she informed on Lew, thinking it best for all & didn’t realize Josh, she & baby would also be in jeopardy.

HOPE: Lew suggests they fight (note the real Lew was a pacifist). They start setting up the house with booby traps, making a 2ndary hiding place (so they can admit they did have an elderly, but he died and they were afraid to tell).

IMCOMPATIBILITY: Josh begins wondering how Lew knows all the tactics and has horded various arms – it doesn’t fit the writings about his grandfather.

THREAT to RELIEF: Heavy knock against the door (real fright) – false alarm, it’s a branch that flew against it in the storm.

TURNING POINT 3

TICKING CLOCK: Roz and Hillard barge in, case the house, take Josh & Megan as hostages (with pitiful sidearms), shouting for the elder to come out or they’ll kill Josh & Megan in 3 minutes.

ACT 4

HOPE: Lew gets out his semi-machine gun (locked & hidden away), comes crashing out like a commando. He scolds them for acting outside their rules… of being part of the illegal elder killing spree.

DANGER: Roz is willing to release, but hothead Hillard won’t, blurting his wound, even if it means his death – a Mexican standoff.

FORCED TO DEAL WITH EACH OTHER: Roz turn weapon on Hillard, blurting her wound, and saying there’s no place for this doomer to flee to. He’ll be caught and killed, these, too. Killing them now & getting killed – they win.

HOPE: Roz gets Hillard to desist & release Josh & Megan. They flee thru secret passages.

THREAT: Roz tells this isn’t over, and she gets reluctant Hillard to leave.

IMPENDING DOOM: Outside she tells Hillard they be back and take care of them. She wonders how Lew Grayson (a pacifist whom all had thought dead long ago) had that weapon and knew how to use it.

HOPE to FEAR to CONTINUE PLAN + NEW: Lew, Josh, and Megan discuss event, feeling relief; Lew says they’re coming back with more fire-power; they continue to fix of the home for an attack.

ATTACK: Roz & Hillard come back with arms, tear gas, hand grenades.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES: not sure how the attack and counter attack and booby traps go, but there comes a point where Roz speaks to Lew thru and intercom system – she has figured out he is not Lew Grayson. He reveals in shame that he is Jerrod Isaacs and made a terrible mistake of killing Lew Grayson and his son Lew Grayson, Jr., who were great figures in the climate change mitigation efforts. He realized his ideology was all wrong – killing is not the answer to problems. And he tells Roz she will be regretting her actions all her life if she kills him, Josh, and Megan, and Megan’s baby on the way. She be suicidal, like him. He’s willing to give up, but knows they’ll only go on to kill Josh and esp. Megan, since she is pregnant with other mouth to feed. The issue now is rations, not who caused climate change, and who is worthy to receive them, and how to justify killing.

INCOMPATIBLE: Roz is dissuaded from killing them, but not Hillard.

ATTACK: Hillard goes wild, romping through the home looking for the 2nd hiding place.

DEATH: Hillard kills Lew.

HOPE: Hillard falls into a booby-trap and dies. Roz is a changed person. Lew & family are safe, with a new understanding.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s 4 Act Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is that the character journeys really helped and I’m glad I did those first, since I got new and better ideas from them. So this wasn’t too hard AND I got better ideas for the script. I did fill in more details that asked for, because I wanted to remember them, even though the details may change as I write it.

============================

1. LIST CONCEPT AND MAIN CONFLICT

Concept: When the third killing spree of the elderly flares up, an old man must resist.

Main Conflict: Between Lew and himself (regrets), between Lew and Josh & Megan (for different, opposite reasons), and MAINLY between a wise elder (Lew) and elder killers.

2. ACT 1: 25 TO 30 PAGES — INTRO THE CHARACTERS AND SET UP THE CONFLICT

Opening: Lew, age 87, is like a repentant monk in a monastery — a hiding place in grandson Josh’s home. Josh says he has nothing to feel bad about, that he was a hero in getting people on board to mitigate climate change. However, Josh’s wife, Megan, with baby on the way is concerned there might not be enough rations for them all. She’s heard of some elderly camp. Josh points out Lew is growing veggies and nearly makes up for any loss.

Meanwhile in the Rations Department: Roz, chief inspector, is discussing problems with Hillard, her young, hot-headed assistant. And they get a call that they will have to find a way to cut rations, with food supplies dwindling faster than expected.

Inciting Incident: The Rations Recipients (Rat-Res) Inspector makes an appointment to visit Josh and Megan. They have to make sure Lew is well hidden

Turning Point: Rations inspectors arrive at Josh’s home, telling they cannot give more rations to Megan bec she’s pregnant, and even the food for her child will be barely enough. They also mention that they need to find all the elderly and trot them off to an elderly camp, where they’ll be given less rations – Hillard: “until they die. Hopefully sooner than later.”

3. ACT 2: 20 TO 30 PAGES — CHALLENGE THE CHARACTER’S REALITY

Reaction: After the Rations Inspectors leave Josh tells Lew and Megan he does buy it (remembers earlier geronticides), but Megan seems to (or remains silent) – big fights, with Lew thinking of leaving & letting them have more.

New plan: With Josh putting down his foot, Lew and Megan agree to see how it goes with Lew’s new horticultural efforts and rations. Lew saying “I don’t really deserve it.”

Turning Point/Midpoint: Josh received a call that they have information that he is harboring an eldering person, which could endanger his entire family. They also find out their been some elderly killings – the start of another geronticide??

4. ACT 3: 20 TO 30 PAGES — WITH MIDPOINT CHANGE, EVERYTHING MUST BE RETHOUGHT

Rethink Everything: Megan admits she informed, thinking it best for all & didn’t realize they would also be in jeopardy.

New Plan 1: Lew suggests the fight (note the real Lew as a pacifist). They start setting up the house with booby traps, making a 2ndary hiding place (so they can admit they did have an elderly, but he died and they were afraid to tell).

Turning Point 3: Roz and Hillard begin to case the house, barge in, take Josh & Megan as hostages.

5. ACT 4: 25 PAGES — TEST THE CHANGE IN THIS CHARACTER!

New Plan 2: Lew gets out his weapons (locked & hidden away).

Climax: Hillard is about to kill Josh or Megan, and Roz calls him to cease and desist, telling Lew that she’s figured out he is not Lew Grayson (who’d be 120 yrs old), but Jerrod Isaacs, her hero, the man who killed many elderly in the 2049 geronticide. Jerrod explains he lived a life of regret because he’d aimed to kill off elderly, whom he blamed for CC and the death of his first wife, but that Lew (he came to realize) had done great things to get people to mitigate it. And he doesn’t want Roz to go through that same life of regret and repentance.

Resolution: Hillard kills Lew; Roz chases Hillard, or??, who falls into Lew’s trap and dies. She is a changed person.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Delivering Multiple Layers!

What I learned doing this assignment is I had already had some of these layers by doing earlier assignments and creating a backstory for myself. However, this assignment helped me flesh them out and come up with better ideas.

I learned something else — the reason I didn’t like THE MAN FROM EARTH (which I loved as first, since I’m an anthropologist and got into the early man stuff) is because when it got to part that he was Jesus, that bonked me out of my suspended disbelief with the thought this writer wrote it with an agenda to promote his view. It wasn’t only because I’m a Christian, but because it just didn’t fit what I’ve learned about Jesus. And why would people follow such a non-charismatic not-so-great man?

But this made me realize that my own agenda, to write about climate change, may also have the same repercussions for the climate change denialist crowd (the very people I would hope to persuade), so I’m probably just preaching to the choir. I’ve got to really take this to heart and find the best, most effective way, to write CC screenplays.

=================================================================

TELL US ABOUT THE LAYERS YOU’VE CHOSEN. USE THIS FORMAT WITH EACH OF THEM:

Surface Character Layer: Lew Grayson, an elder, has a great history of getting many to mitigate climate change, then argued against the geronticide, that it would perpetuate evil against humanity and the earth

Beneath That: Jerrod Isaacs, a legendary leader of the 49ers out to kill the elderly as retribution, killed Lew Grayson and later assumed his identity and became repentant.

How Revealed: First Lew reveals it to Josh and Megan after the Midpoint in his bid to convince them he is not worth saving, that they should save themselves. Then in Act 3 Roz (who considers Jerrod her hero and inspiration) figures it out and Lew confirms it, leading her to grasp Lew’s anguish for his killing, and reform.

———————————————

Surface Character & Plot Layer: It seems someone is informing about elders, including Lew, being hidden. Josh and Lew think it may be a neighbor, wondering how he would have known.

Beneath That: It is Megan, Josh’s pregnant wife, who has tipped them off.

How Revealed: Around mid-point Megan in anger confesses, but when Josh threatens to divorce her, she tearfully explains how she was trying to protect and provide for their baby on the way.

———————————————–

Surface Plot Layer: The new 49ers (Roz, etc) are out to kill the elderly again.

Beneath That: Their plan is to kill others as well and their new motive is more to reduce the population so the remaining can have more rations, than revenge (as it was with the original 49ers), but using revenge is a better motivator.

How Revealed: some early hints, such as dwindling rations being a problem & Roz in charge of rations recipient (Rat-Recip) inspections. Misled when Roz refers to the earlier 2049 geronticide as the great revenge and whips up Hillard to help her go out and kill them (and others who get in their way). Then at the time of the great dilemma toward end of Act 2, we come to understand their plan is just to kill as many as possible in seemingly justifiable ways. And later Roz/Hillard make that clear.

———————————————–

Surface Location Layer: This is Lew Grayson’s home, with his books, and eco-projects

Beneath That: Lew (Jerrod) took it over years later when he came to regret his killing of this great man. Then he created t a hiding place within it when threats of geronticide erupted.

How Revealed: It is understood to be Lew’s home, but the hiding place is revealed soon in Act 1 setup. That Jerrod took it over as well as Lew’s name come up later when Lew blurts it out to Josh and Megan after the Midpoint, and Roz figures it out in Act 3.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Character Journeys!

What I learned doing this assignment is that filling in the beginning & ending was easy; then the turning point 1, midpoint, and Act 3 a bit difficult; and turning point 2, dilemma more difficult. However, it was worth it. I’m thinking it more important to do the 2 main characters, then the others. And I found out in the process that the main antag does an about face for the good. That’s really something!

=======================================================

LEW:

BEGINNING: Depressed & repentant (like a repentant monk in a monastery, self-flagellation), feels like he should have some mission in life or just end it, let the 49ers (those out to kill off the elderly) kill him off.

TURNING POINT: when the 49ers suspect Lew is hiding there, he starts to arm the house with booby traps and better hiding projects, explaining to Josh how he fought earlier battles, but is still indecisive about whether to just give up.

MIDPOINT: It is revealed that the 49ers are also killing people who hide elders (from their other project, reduce the population so more rations for those who are left). Lew decides to fight back.

TURNING POINT 2: We find out Lew is actually Jerrod Isaacs, a prominent leader and ideologue of the 2049 geronticide, which causes issues with grandson Josh and Josh’s wife Megan.

DILEMMA: When Roz threatens harm to Josh & Megan for harboring an elder, Lew must decide whether to sacrifice himself by surrendering to Roz (in which case they will probably also kill Josh & Megan), or let Josh and Megan take the heat, & hopefully not be harmed.

3RD ACT CLIMAX: Roz and Hillard crash-enter Lew’s home and start scouring for Lew (not sure if they are threatening Josh & Megan, holding them hostage, or Josh & Megan are away at the time.

ENDING: ?? he is killed by Hillard, despite Roz’s protest, but as he dies, is glad Roz suddenly understands that killing is not the way to solve problems.

==========================

JOSH:

BEGINNING: meek, torn betw Lew’s safety and his wife/unborn baby

TURNING POINT: Josh decides to keep Lew hidden.

MIDPOINT: He stands up to Megan when he finds out she’s the informer, and is angry, wants to divorce.

TURNING POINT 2: He embraces Megan, saying they can all survive…

DILEMMA: Should Josh let Lew give himself up and protect himself and Megan, or stand and fight, endangering them.

3RD ACT CLIMAX: Fights back against Roz & Hillard

ENDING: Willing to risk his life for Lew (but Lew doesn’t let him)

==========================

MEGAN:

BEGINNING: She is frustrated they are hiding Lew, which will mean less rations for them, esp with her baby on the way.

TURNING POINT: When Roz gets some info that Josh may be hiding an elder, Megan gets nervous.

MIDPOINT: We find out Megan is the one who informed the 49ers.

TURNING POINT 2: Megan now regrets informing she now regrets it, feels it will also harm her & baby on the way (they are out to punish all those harboring elderly)

DILEMMA: Should she let them take Lew or harm/kill her and Josh.

3RD ACT CLIMAX: She helps to keep Lew safe, standing up to Roz.

ENDING: She’s grateful for Lew & his wisdom (for her, Josh, and baby on the way)

==============================

ROZ:

BEGINNING: strident ideologue, 49er leader, rations inspector, pragmatic about killing off elderly – not only because past generations have done them wrong, but because there’s less rations to go around. She knows rations are reducing, and is not only for killing off the elders, but also anyone else who gets in the way, hiding elders. She enters the story right away as a rations inspector going to Josh’s home.

TURNING POINT: She gets a tip about Lew, but it may be a fraud – some neighbor just out to dispose of his neighbors.

MIDPOINT: She now suspects an elder, Lew, is at Josh’s home and is out to get him.

TURNING POINT 2: She turns Josh’s home inside out, can’t find Lew, then confronts/threatens Josh and Megan.

DILEMMA: Should she let Hillard rampage and kill Josh & Megan in their pursuit to find Lew, or wait until they are sure they are hiding Lew, putting herself and Hillard at risk

3RD ACT CLIMAX: she begins to suspect Lew is not Lew, but Jerrod Isaacs.

ENDING: she comes to realize that killing is not a solution, and very harmful to self and society.

===============================

HILLARD:

BEGINNING: submissive follower of Roz, into her…

TURNING POINT: He insists they go right away to Josh’s home

MIDPOINT: With Roz’s approval he comes of his own as a 49er.

TURNING POINT 2: He wants to burn down the home, killing all.

DILEMMA: Should he disobey Roz and go all out killing all, or obey her and play it cool until the find Lew.

3RD ACT CLIMAX: Resists Roz’s call to cease and desist.

ENDING: Goes completely blood-thirsty wild & ends up dying ?? in a trap set by Lew.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Character Depth!

What I learned doing this assignment is that this makes me come up with character depth ideas I never would have without it. I didn’t fill out all the things, and did more for the main protag Lew and antag Roz. I’m keeping this open to add more. And I might not use all these things, but it did get me to come up with a lot of ideas.

===========================================================================

DOOMER

– HOOK: “How can an old man survive when the world is out to kill the elderly?”

– CONTAINED SETTING: a house in the year 2108 with a hiding room and a place where the bad guys plot their moves.

– THEME: ?? You can’t hide from yourself.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

With each of your characters, go through all of these questions to see which might fit for your story:

LEW (age 87, protag) resourceful, smart, scholar who did urban combat (secret – he participated in the earlier geronticide), but feeble, somewhat suicidal

Internal Character Depth

–MOTIVATION: wants to survive, wants to atone with his “mound cave garden experiments,” wants to finish his memoirs (true history); want to protect grandson & pregnant grand-daughter-in-law

–SECRET: he participated in the earlier geronticide, killed a top climate activist bec he didn’t know…. Later made it a point to study history and learn the facts. He is actually Randoph Greg, the original leader of the 49s (elder killers), purveyor of their ideology, but has since done a 180 and denounced it.

–WOUND: his first wife died in a heatwave & he blamed the “doomers” (the elderly people who had caused the problem); he took revenge during the geronticide and is sorely sorry for that.

–SUBTEXT: he speaks of regret, etc for his secret past, but only to the point of Josh thinking he’s referring to something else, something noble action failure. He speaks of dying to Josh… as a way to get Josh

–LAYERS: became bad as a teen (killing doomers), repented, did good,

Character to character

–CONFLICT: Josh tries to cheer him up, dissuade him from his death wish (but is also worried about wife and baby on the way)

–HIDDEN AGENDA: in addition to atoning for his secret sin by helping food production, he’d also like to help end the cycles of geronticide

–CONSPIRACY: ?? between him and Josh to convince Megan he has value alive

–INTRIGUE: he’s contacting someone in Josh’s name re ending geronticides

Character Situation

–DILEMMA: wants to survive and make right v. he wants to die

–SECRET IDENTITY: he is a 49er leader (part of the mob that participated in the geronticide) – he is idolized by Roz as a hero for that, but she doesn’t know it’s him (he changed his name, etc).

===================================

JOSH (Lew’s grandson, supporting) loving (wife & grandfather), provider, torn between past (grandfather) and future (wife and expected baby), indecisive

Internal Character Depth

–MOTIVATION: provide for and protect Lew, his grandfather, and his pregnant wife, Megan

–WOUND: his father (full of hate, who hated Lew & knew about him) disowned him, and Lew took him under wing

======================================

MEGAN (Josh’s wife, supporting) strong, practical/pragmatic (willing to sacrifice Lew, if necessary), focused on her expected baby

Internal Character Depth

–MOTIVATION: to protect her expected baby

–WOUND: her mother tried to protect her grandmother as the expense of letting her baby sister die

–SUBTEXT: “future of humanity” implies killing off elderly or letting them die so the young can survive.

Character to character

–CONFLICT: with Josh over whether they should continue to protect Lew, since their rations are low and the baby is coming.

–CONSPIRACY: she has tipped off the 49ers about Lew

Character Situation

–DILEMMA: brief one in the beginning about whether or not to tip 49ers off about Lew. Then Lew does or says something that makes her decide to tip them off.

==========================================

ROZ (antag) steady, determined, ideological, pathological, focused on the bigger “pathological” worldview; daughter of the powerful autocrat

Internal Character Depth

–MOTIVATION: to take over an important leadership role, promote her ideology of ruthless oppression, thru divide and conquer;

–SECRET: she killed her brother and made it look like an accident; she revealed her father’s hiding place during the

–WOUND: her father favored her weaker brother in his attempt to establish patriarchy

–SUBTEXT: she hints at what she wants and her accolades get it and follow thru

–LAYERS: uses Hillard as a lover and to do dirty deeds, and to scare others

Character to character

–CONFLICT: with Hillard to get him not to flub, but to be effective in helping her get ahead; with those who try to hide their elders (O.S., backstory); with Lew & maybe with Josh who’s trying to protect him

–HIDDEN AGENDA: to become the leader of the county ?? or cell ??

–CONSPIRACY: with some O.S. others to oust O.S. competitors ??, with Hillard to root out Lew and kill him.

–INTRIGUE: ?? maybe she comes with Hillard to Josh’s cave home and acts as a tax collector or something… to scope out Josh’s home (on a tip… from Megan) that there’s an elder hidden there.

Character Situation

–DILEMMA: once she finds out Lew is actually Randoph Greg, whom she idolizes, she has doubts about killing him or herself hiding him.

–SECRET IDENTITY: acts as a tax collector, when she’s actually a 49er (killer of elderly).

=====================================

HILLARD (antag, supporting) angry, out for blood, hot-headed, passionate (for Roz), influenced by Roz

Internal Character Depth

–MOTIVATION: to kill, joy of destroying

–SECRET: he killed someone and got by with it

–WOUND: orphaned, brutalized by others

Character to character

–CONFLICT: with Roz (wants to rampage, rather than be sneaky and scope things out, as Roz wants); with Lew, Josh, and Megan, ready to kill them all.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Right Characters!

What I learned doing this assignment is that I came up with some good characteristics that cause problems and conflicts internally, among the good guys, between the bad guys, and between the good and bad guys. I also had a child in the story (creating concern for the child’s welfare), but now changed it to the woman being pregnant & concerned about expected baby’s welfare.

===========================================

Compare your concept to your lead characters to find unique ways for them to fulfill the concept.

1. Think about your Concept Hook and Contained Setting.

HOOK: “How can an old man survive when the world is out to kill the elderly?”

CONTAINED SETTING: (1) a house in the year 2108 with a hiding room and (2) a place where the bad guys plot their moves.

2. With each of your main characters, how can they uniquely fit with the Hook?

LEW (age 88)

– resourceful, smart, scholar who did urban combat (secret – he participated in the earlier geronticide), but feeble, somewhat suicidal

JOSH (Lew’s grandson)

– loving (wife & grandfather), provider, torn between past (grandfather) and future (wife and expected baby), indecisive

MEGAN (Josh’s wife)

– strong, practical/pragmatic (willing to sacrifice Lew, if necessary), focused on her expected baby

HILLARD (bad guy)

– angry, out for blood, grieved by past ???, hot-headed, influenced by Roz

ROZ (bad gal)

– steady, determined, ideological, pathological, focused on the bigger “pathological” worldview

3. Thinking about the conflict that hook creates, how does each main character enhance or cause that conflict?

– Lew & Josh in conflict (Josh wants Lew to live; Lew is despondent, somewhat suicidal)

– Josh and Megan (fight over whether to protect Lew)

– Hillard and Roz, the bad guys (Hillard too rash, Roz has to keep him focused and calm)

– Hillard & Roz v. Lew (Hillard falls into trap Lew has set; Roz gets Hillard back on track of finding and killing Lew);

– Hillard & Roz against Josh & Megan ????

4. Tell us what makes these characters the “right ones” for this story?

-Both among the good guys & between the bad guys, and between good & bad: Their strengths create greater conflict, their unique backstories create internal and external conflict/suspense, their weaknesses cause problems

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Great Hook!

A. How did this process work for you?

– I only had time to work on my best concept, but it gave me a lot of new ideas for layers and mystery, etc, and I plan to do the process on my other concepts… and keep coming up with new concepts.

– I just saw IDENTITY (mentioned in this lesson) and read the script – WOW! That’s also giving me some ideas.

B. What did you learn doing this assignment? I learned a concept can truly be improved, and it’s best to do that up front, before diving into plotting and writing it.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Guidelines for PSYCHO (2023)

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s actually difficult to come up with contained screenplay ideas that also meet the Covid guidelines (though I’ve read those more relaxed guidelines will expire in December).

PART 1: I found that most of my ideas can be squeezed into the contained structure and pitched in 1-2 sentences, but also meeting Covid made that more difficult. However, doing so actually reduced costs (fewer characters, etc).

PART 2:

TITLE: PSYCHO (1960) into my 2023 remake

This version cuts out all the early scenes up to visibly nervous Mary driving on the highway. Difference is she calls her sister on the phone to tell she’s going to visit Sam, her boyfriend and won’t be home for a while (giving backstory about her job, the big cash deposit she was supposed to make ??, & relationship with Sam, etc). As in original, a patrolman stops her, but for a broken taillight, and is suspicious at her fear & guilt, takes down her license & plates, etc.

Bates Motel/spooky house scenes: Mary decides to pull off the highway as it gets dark…. Continue as in original script until Mary gets to her room. She gets a call Sam on her cell, we see him in his hardware shop. He tells her he’s ready to marry her despite financial problems. She tells him she made a terrible mistake today (without details) and needs to clear that up first. Rest as in original, Norman arguing with his mother O.S., stabs her to death.

Arbogast shows up at Sam’s…. and goes to Bates, gets killed. Sam goes there, no luck, contacts the police, gets connected to patrol man….

Much of this is over the phone.

AS THEY DID IT:

A. People: 36 cast members

B. Stunts – no stunts to no stunts

C. Extras – some city pedestrians and moving cars

D. Wardrobe – regular

E. Hair and Make Up – regular make up, except for Norman in drag

F. Kids and Animals – no kids and animals

G. Quarantine – difficult with so many cast members and extras

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:

A. People – 5 (Mary (1st victim), Sam (boyfriend), Norman (psycho), Arbogast (detective, 2nd victim); patrolman/sheriff

B. Stunts – no stunts

C. Extras – no extras (except unseen in a few cars passing by on the highway)

D. Wardrobe – own regular clothes (actors’ own clothes); Norman in regular clothes and old lady drag.

E. Hair and Make Up – each actor with their own kit, Norma character learning to put on his own drag hair & make up.

F. Kids and Animals – no kids and animals

G. Quarantine – 5 cast members, and crew for 3 settings (road where the patrolman stops Mary’s car for broke taillight (including interior car driving); and the motel/spooky house and pond setting; and Sam’s place)

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan

I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Hi, I’m Lynn Vincentnathan. I’ve written 5 scripts — 3 sci-fi, 1 action/thriller, 1 rom-com. All involving climate change.

Most of these are mid to high budget and I really need to do 1 or 2 contained scripts.

An interesting thing — I wrote and published a romance novel decades ago…. set in India!

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Cycle 6 – First Draft

LOGLINE: A man captures an autocrat’s wife to defeat the autocrat, reigniting his past love for her.

ESSENCE: Blood might turn out to be thicker than love. Yikes!

SCENE:

EXT. HANK’S GAS STATION – DAY

An abandoned, decrepit station on a neglected highway in a desert, seemingly growing out of a hillock cliff. It might appear to be from the 1930s, except on a closer look the station is circa 2020.

A half-fallen sign tops the station:

……………….HANK’S GAS AND SUPPLIES

…………Visit the attached Tarantula Cave – $10

To the side, a futuristic SkydroGen power “tree” towers above the gas station, small lightening jags zapping between it and the sky.

SUB: Year 2149

A hover car, darkened windows, zips along the deserted highway leaving a voluminous wake of dust. It pulls into the station.

An ANDROID emerges and plugs into the cable from the SkydroGen. It opens the other door, takes out a reluctant, squirming, squealing PASSENGER, hands cuffed in back, sack over her head. It hauls her toward the station door.

INT. HANK’S GAS STATION – DAY

Sunlight filters through windows opaque with grime. The room, pay counter, and small grocery and dining area are defunct and dusty. Grocery Items long since stripped from collapsing shelves. A holo-ball light hovers in the rear, casting an eery glow. Over the back door:

…………………TARANTUAL CAVE

…………..…Enter if you dare, $10

MARCUS (38) in futuristic commando gear paces and speaks seemingly to no one in this empty room.

MARCUS: No, shove her in. Alone.

The front door opens, the woman, CARLEY (35), is shoved forward. The door closes behind her.

CARLEY: (muffled from the bag) Where am I and what’s this all about?

MARCUS: It’s not about you. Though I could use some information.

CARLEY: Who ARE you?

MARCUS: Just call me Heller.

CARLEY: Oh, God. Please just kill me now. I’d never give you anything that would help your cause of destroying the world. NEVER. (sobbing) I suppose you’ll use torture.

MARCUS: How dramatic. No, I don’t plan to harm you. I want Clovis.

CARLEY: And why should I do anything to help?

MARCUS: First I’d want to know why you married him.

Carley squirms to get free.

CARLEY: The greatest hero the world has ever known? I’d like to know why you want to destroy him… and the world.

MARCUS: (sighs defeat) Guess you’re an Automatonon?

CARLEY: And what is that supposed to mean?

MARCUS: You know damn well — susceptible to his Trinopter, bamboozled into the ArtReal world of lies. So this conversation is going nowhere and I’ll just have get on with my more brutal plan–

CARLEY: (sweet) It may surprise you to know I’m one of those nine-percenter Libertrinos, not at all affected by his Trinopter. Clovis is a genius. For real. He needed me. Can a person refuse to help save the world? (harsh) Whatever you are, it’s neither Automatonon nor Libertrino, but I’m loathe to say, someone who’s gone over to evil… who’s even afraid to show me his, uh, not so pretty face.

Marcus fumes anger as he steps to Carley, reaches over, and tugs off her head sack. There’s a metal device attached to her neck.

CARLEY: Don’t you dare disconnect my tracker.

MARCUS: Wouldn’t dream of it.

Carley’s face is in the shadows, but we can make out she’s beautiful. Carley jerks back in shock upon seeing Marcus.

CARLEY: Marcus Drake! You are Heller?!

MARCUS: I’m sorry Clovis and I made you go on that early version A.I. Ganjoco brain trip. That’s why you went for him.

CARLEY: You were too playful… and dangerous. Into war games, military inventions. Clovis had only one purpose in life–to save the earth from destruction. Humanity’s destruction.

MARCUS: Yeh, well the tables are turned now.

Marcus points to a halo-globe-light hovering behind him. It brightens, revealing more of the decrepit station and old, yellowing bruises on Carley’s face.

MARCUS (CONT’D): Your face. Who beat you?

CARLEY: You droid was very rough, Marcus.

MARCUS: No. I told him not to harm you. Those bruises are old…

………………………………………………….CUT TO:

INT. FUTURISTIC PALATIAL OFFICE – DAY

A stark, palatial office with no windows. Behind a massive screen-top desk with info dancing around sits CLOVIS RIKER (38), swollen, lumpy bald head, six small metal devises attached to it.

Around the room are four large screens with various live happenings:

>> Massive forest fire

>> PEOPLE on a busy city sidewalk, with one in eleven PEDESTRIANS gagging and falling dead, the OTHERS just walking on by zombie-like.

>> Floods drowning out a large swathe or a residential area

But Clovis is focused on the

FOURTH SCREEN: the Gas Station scene with Marcus and Carley playing out.

MARCUS (ON SCREEN, CONT’D): …Clovis has been hitting you. (off her closed face) Why do you stay? What does he have over you?

CLARLEY (ON SCREEN): The question is, why are you destroying the earth?

MARCUS (ON SCREEN): Me? I’m saving it. It’s Clovis who’s gone mad with all that A.I. Ganjoco fogging his brain. He’s gone from saving the earth to taking control of it, massacring the Libertrinos… because he can’t control them.

CLARLEY (ON SCREEN): You know people need to be regulated, or life on planet earth will end. You were all for that.

MARCUS (ON SCREEN): My mistake.

Clovis presses a control on the desk and speaks to the screen.

CLOVIS: I hate to interrupt your interesting tête-à-tête–

…………………………………………………….CUT TO:

INT. HANK’S GAS STATION – DAY

Marcus and Carley jump back.

CLOVIS (O.S.): –but we’re tracking you and it won’t be long before Carley is returned safely home and you’re dead, Marcus A.K.A. Keller.

MARCUS: Safely, I’ll bet. We know what you’re up to.

Marcus turns to Carley and as Clovis speaks, Marcus pushes Carley toward the tarantula cave. She squirms and resists.

CLOVIS (O.S.): Without the Libertrinos causing problems, the world will soon be a better place.

MARCUS: Yeh-yeh, Ganjoco-head. Carry on…

Marcus pushes Carley into

INT. TARANTULA CAVE – DAY

Marcus shuts the very heavy door behind them. The place is dark.

CARLEY: I don’t like spiders.

MARCUS: Don’t worry, they’re long gone. We fitted this with lead so that–

Just then they are rocked by a MASSIVE EXPLOSION.

EXT. HANK’S GAS STATION – DAY

The station, exploded, up in flames. The hover car, shooting away.

INT. HOVER CAR – DAY

The Android drives, speaks on the radio.

ANDROID: Tracking locked–

INT. CAVE – DAY

ANDROID (O.S., CONT’D): — Clovis will be evaporated in thirty-three seconds.

Marcus ons the holo-light. The cave is set up like a command post. He uncuffs Carley. She rubs her wrists.

MARCUS: He tried to kill you, the bastard… But you’ll soon be a widow.

CARLEY: I tried to divorce Clovis. I never loved him, Marcus, not the way I loved you… and, yes, he was abusive… And I did know he went way off-script. I was trying to stop him. Persuasion, the only thing that works on Libertrinos.

Marcus gives her a shrew look.

CARLEY (CONT’D): (shivers) What are you going to do with me?

Marcus takes her in his arms and kisses her. She responds.

CARLEY: I am so ashamed I didn’t leave him.

Marcus gently kisses her face, then pulls back.

MARCUS: I still don’t understand what kept you with him once you realized….

CARLEY: Can we just get on with a more hopeful future….

ANDROID (O.S.): Trouble ahead. Marcus’s son is taking over. Report claims he’s continuing his father’s mission to annihilate Libertrinos, but more efficiently, without the fog of A.I.ganjoco.

Carley gives Marcus a look of desperation.

CARLEY: Please, Marcus, don’t harm him. We can use persuasion…

END OF SCENE

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s QE Cycle #5 REVISED

Hal’s critique of Magafas’s scene is really helpful, especially the last part about (1) looking at each line of dialogue to see if it delivers on at least one character trait, and then (2) looking for areas to enhance character traits that are missing or weak.

Because of my schedule (I’m rushing because this week I won’t be able to do any screenwriting) I didn’t rework this scene as much as I could have…. Jeremy’s suggestion of giving Brandy a stronger motive was great. I fumbled around with that before, but he really got me to come up with something better.

===============================

LOGLINE: Brandy is in trouble with the police over illegal dogs and Phil is there to get her off the hook, until he’s the one arrested.

ESSENCE: Brandy gets back at Phil for giving the best acting roles for another actress. Revenge is sweet and ugly, but it doesn’t pay off in the long run!

SCENE ARC: From Brandy looking innocent, a damsel in distress, to her looking evil.

BRANDY: Traits: Status seeking, Entertaining, Needy, Deceptive

— Subtext: Brandy willingly lies when it serves her purpose.

PHILLIP — Traits: Manipulative, Sense of entitlement, Guilt ridden, Polite

— Subtext: Phillip is polite…as he manipulates those around him.

===============================

EXT. RESIDENTAL STREET – DAY

Small, but immaculate two-bedroom houses with expansive back yards line the street. Trees, shrubs, flowers. Farm fields behind. Idyllic. [CURRENT SCENE SITUATION]

An older sedan sits in the driveway of A PINK HOUSE, an ANIMAL CONTROL VAN parked at the curb.

BRANDY (32), glitzy clothes and makeup, stacked and oozing sex, stands near the curb on her cell.

BRANDY (ON CELL): Phil, you’ve got to get over here. Someone called Animal Control on me. I don’t know what’s up. [mystery, creating a future; CHARACTER CURRENT SITUATION/COVER-UP: sweet damsel in distress]

The ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER (40s) comes from the back yard with a FEMALE PITBULL on a catch pole, GROWLING. [something unseen]

Brandy offs her cell and speaks to the AC Officer, feigning a haughty accent.

BRANDY: I was away for a month. I don’t know how that dog got in my yard. He seems vicious. (orchestrated shiver) [PLOT/SITUATION Demand/Current Situation – how did the dog get there; mystery]

AC OFFICER: It’s a female and there’re puppies back there. You should know it’s illegal to have or breed pitbulls in Hidalgo. And the dog and puppies look half starved. This is serious. I’ll have to call the police. [hook, suspense, creating a future, anticipatory dialogue, fear]

BRANDY: (hand-to-ample chest) Oh my God, the police?! And you mean it’s a pitbull?! [fear, entertaining]

The dog strains against the pole, tries to bite the Officer, but as it passes Brandy is gives PITIFUL WHINE and looks to her for help. [setup, intrigue] He loads the dog into the van, then pulls his cell, speaks out of earshot.

PHIL (45) comes rushing out of a house on her left and sidles up to Brandy. The AC Officer offs his cell, then approaches Brandy and Phil with a clipboard and pen in hand.

BRANDY: (to Phil) He says it’s a pitbull!

PHIL: A pitbull! Well that explains why it’s so vicious. Nearly attacked me several times. (to the AC Officer) So glad you came and took it away, Officer. [polite] I had no idea it was a pitbull. In fact, when Brandy asked me to feed her dog while she was away, I thought she had a poodle. (turns to Brandy) You did have a poodle, right? (off her nod) What happened to it? (beat) Oh God, I hope this monster didn’t kill and eat your dog. [mystery, misinterpretation, superior position – he doesn’t know this is serious and police have been called; guilt ridden]

BRANDY: (trembling) I just don’t know, Phil. Poochi-Poo is nowhere to be found. The monster probably ate him! (sob)

Phil gives her a perfunctory embrace [polite].

PHIL: It’s all my fault, Dear. I should have called you when I wondered if that could possibly be your dog. I mean I just don’t know anything about dogs. {misinterpretation – implicating himself; guilt ridden]

BRANDY: And I don’t know who called Animal Control.

She glances at NEIGHBOR FRANK (40s) on the porch of the house to the right. He’s standing, arms folded, viewing the scene. [something unseen, intrigue] Phil follows her line of vision, then back to the AC Officer.

PHIL: As you can see, Brandy, isn’t responsible for this. As her talent agent–

AC OFFICER: (to Brandy) It was an anonymous tip. A man’s voice. (to Phil) So, you said you were feeding it. And the puppies?

PHIL: Well, I would just shove the food into the yard before the dog could jump me. I never saw puppies.

AC OFFICER: (writing notes) Then you are the one responsible for the dog. (off Phil’s gawk shock) You see, even if you feed a dog one day, the dog becomes your responsibility. [fear, Major Twist… we thought Brandy was in trouble]

As Phil studders incredulity, A POLICE CAR arrives. A big, tougher-looking POLICEMAN gets out, joins the AC Officer, Phil, and Brandy.

POLICEMAN: (to the AC Officer) I’ll take from here. [uncomfortable moment — Phil had no idea it was that serious]

AC OFFICER: I’ll go get the puppies.

The Policeman nods. The AC Officer goes gets a box from his van, then heads back to the yard.

POLICEMAN: (to Phil) What’s your full name and address? Your occupation?

PHIL: Philip Barlow, Officer. 2118 Rosy Lane, Hidalgo, California. I’m a-a talent agent… And got into real estate, but having problems with that. [slight DEMAND re properties]

The Policeman writes it down. Phil fret speaks.

PHIL (CONT’D): I’m head of the neighbor watch. I have great relations with your police chief. [sense of entitlement]

POLICEMAN: And what’s your connection to this property, (Looks at his clipboard) 2116 Rosy Lane?

PHIL: I own all the houses on this street, and–

POLICEMAN: (gottcha) I see.

PHIL: No, officer, you don’t understand. I’m renting this house out to Miss Brandy here. She was away for a while and asked me to feed her dog. I thought it was a poodle, but–

POLICEMAN: (to Brandy) And your name, address, and occupation?

BRANDY: (flushed and effusive) Brandy Lamarr, with two “Rs.” 2116 Rosy Lane, Hidalgo. I’m a movie star. (baby voice) You may have seen me in “Too Late, George”?

POLICEMAN: (viewing her cleavage) No, I… didn’t see that one.

BRANDY: “Quannah’s Quandry”?

POLICEMAN: “Whoa, that was a great movie. You were in that?!”

BRANDY: Well, I was pretty far down the credits. (glares at Phil) The saloon girl?

POLICEMAN: I guess I’ll have to see it again, be on the lookout for the saloon girl. (to Phil, serious) So what we have here is a 13-50, possession of a pitbull, and 13-75, breeding pitbulls. I’ll have to take you in, since you were the one feeding the dog. [surprise re how serious it is; fear]

PHIL: (knocked back) What?! You mean arrest me over a dog thing?

POLICEMAN: That’s the law. Lack of knowledge of the law–

PHIL: (disgusted) I know, … is no excuse. But I don’t even live here and Miss Brandy was away for a month.

BRANDY: (interjecting) On one of those spaghetti Westerns, “Bushwhacker’s Den.” Which’ll surely top the Django series.

Phil looks to Brandy shocked, meekly succumbing as the Policeman handcuffs him [polite] while murmuring the MIRANDA RIGHTS.

PHIL: I thought you were with your sick father? [Brandy, a liar] (to the Policeman) I’m innocent, Officer. [hope]

POLICEMAN: They all say that. [fear]

PHIL: I need to call my attorney. [hope]

POLICEMAN: At the police station.

The AC Officer returns with his box full of puppies.

AC OFFICER: These dogs are sick. One is dead. It’s more serious than I thought. [fear]

Brandy shrugs, turns to Phil, who is worried sick over his predicament.

BRANDY: I WAS with Daddy a few days… Phil, you weren’t getting me any parts. I got another agent. I need money. I’m in debt. [needy, deceptive]

As the Policeman leads compliant Phil to the Police Car and loads him in, Phil calls back.

PHIL: I understand why, Brandy Dear. But you blew the parts I got you. No pun intended. And-and “Bushwhacker’s Den”? You’re going back to that? [mystery/intrigue – what is “that”?]

BRANDY: (shouts with contorted face) You got all the good parts for high class Marla Dubois! Is she better in bed than me, you dirty, rotten cheater! [character change]

All look with horror at her ugly transformation, except Frank on his porch, who smiles. The Police Car zooms away with Phil. Brandy pulls her cell.

BRANDY (ON CELL): Hi Daddy. You were so right about the law. [character changes back] And they took your sick pitbull and puppies away. (whimpers, near tears) You can bring back Poochi Poo now. [PLOT/SITUATION Reveal – Brandy arranged to put the dog there & setup Phil, betrayal, willing to lie]

Neighbor Frank approaches.

FRANK: I didn’t call the cops, Miss Brandy. I swear.

BRANDY: I know that, Franky Baby. But I am glad to get Phil the Red Pill out of my hair. (off Frank’s confusion) Trying to change little ole me… The jailbird won’t be laying Marla tonight. [CHARACTER REVEAL – she’s evil all along]

FRANK: (headshake TSK) Well, I hope they lock him away for good. The slumlord. Always raising rent on these rat-infested shacks.

Frank looks across the street at the eyesore of A MASSIVE JUNKYARD. [REVEAL more interesting setting UNSEEN, new circumstance, surprise]

FRANK (CONT’D): This is nothing but a rural slum… But I guess he gave you a concession.

BRANDY: An itty-bitty one… So how’re things with your big construction contract? You thought of moving to a real swanky place…

INT./EXT. POLICE CAR/CITY STREETS – DAY

PHIL: I wanted to save her. “Bushwhacker’s Den” is NOT a western. It’s porn. So I failed at that and much more…. [guilt-ridden; mystery re “much more”] (eyes the Policeman in the rearview mirror) And I don’t sleep with my clients, despite her allusion. I just want to help actors become rich and famous AND live good, decent lives. I’ve discovered more star material than anyone in our agency. [manipulative]

POLICE: So, you’re a talent agent? … Any parts for policemen?

PHIL: They’re hot right now. Yeh, I could get you some parts. Start with a couple of bits and who knows how far you’ll go. (beat) So what’s the penalty for this dog crime?

POLICE: The dogs are starved and sick, but we won’t make that an issue… A month in jail at most, but probably a fine. Surely your attorney’ll get you off. And if he doesn’t, I know one who will. (beat) Ya know, my wife’s on the Community Improvement Committee. We could look into rezoning and getting rid of that junkyard… It’d improve your property value.

PHIL: (smiles) Why, thank you, Officer, uh?

POLICE: Briggs, Joe Briggs.

PHIL. Glad to meet you… I’ve been trying to get the street rezoned ever since they set up that junkyard…

They ride in silence a while into a town.

POLICE: So you think the woman’s guilty?

PHIL: Not for that dog crime, no. And I don’t think the neighbor put the dog there either, even though he’s a pitbull himself. It’s likely the dog just came into the yard because Brandy was away… (whines) And ate her little poodle. I feel so responsible. For her poodle, not her. [guilt-ridden] (long beat) But you might want to investigate Brandy for other things. Her real name is Bertha Foglehorse. And if you want her junkie’s contact info… [cliffhanger, twist]

0

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s QE Cycle #5 REVISED

Hal’s critique of Magafas’s scene is really helpful, especially the last part about (1) looking at each line of dialogue to see if it delivers on at least one character trait, and then (2) looking for areas to enhance character traits that are missing or weak.

Because of my schedule (I’m rushing because next week will be a bear) I didn’t rework this scene as much as I could have…. Jeremy’s suggestion of giving Brandy a stronger motive was great. I fumbled around with that before, but he really got me to come up with something better.

===============================

LOGLINE: Brandy is in trouble with the police over illegal dogs and Phil is there to get her off the hook, until he’s the one arrested.

ESSENCE: Brandy gets back at Phil for giving the best acting roles for another actress. Revenge is sweet and ugly, but it doesn’t pay off in the long run!

SCENE ARC: From Brandy looking innocent, a damsel in distress, to her looking evil.

BRANDY: Traits: Status seeking, Entertaining, Needy, Deceptive

— Subtext: Brandy willingly lies when it serves her purpose.

PHILLIP — Traits: Manipulative, Sense of entitlement, Guilt ridden, Polite

— Subtext: Phillip is polite…as he manipulates those around him.

===============================

EXT. RESIDENTAL STREET – DAY

Small, but immaculate two-bedroom houses with expansive back yards line the street. Trees, shrubs, flowers. Farm fields behind. Idyllic. [CURRENT SCENE SITUATION]

An older sedan sits in the driveway of A PINK HOUSE, an ANIMAL CONTROL VAN parked at the curb.

BRANDY (32), glitzy clothes and makeup, stacked and oozing sex, stands near the curb on her cell.

BRANDY (ON CELL): Phil, you’ve got to get over here. Someone called Animal Control on me. I don’t know what’s up. [mystery, creating a future; CHARACTER CURRENT SITUATION/COVER-UP: sweet damsel in distress]

The ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER (40s) comes from the back yard with a FEMALE PITBULL on a catch pole, GROWLING. [something unseen]

Brandy offs her cell and speaks to the AC Officer, feigning a haughty accent.

BRANDY: I was away for a month. I don’t know how that dog got in my yard. He seems vicious. (orchestrated shiver) [PLOT/SITUATION Demand/Current Situation – how did the dog get there; mystery]

AC OFFICER: It’s a female and there’re puppies back there. You should know it’s illegal to have or breed pitbulls in Hidalgo. And the dog and puppies look half starved. This is serious. I’ll have to call the police. [hook, suspense, creating a future, anticipatory dialogue, fear]

BRANDY: (hand-to-ample chest) Oh my God, the police?! And you mean it’s a pitbull?! [fear, entertaining]

The dog strains against the pole, tries to bite the Officer, but as it passes Brandy is gives PITIFUL WHINE and looks to her for help. [setup, intrigue] He loads the dog into the van, then pulls his cell, speaks out of earshot.

PHIL (45) comes rushing out of a house on her left and sidles up to Brandy. The AC Officer offs his cell, then approaches Brandy and Phil with a clipboard and pen in hand.

BRANDY: (to Phil) He says it’s a pitbull!

PHIL: A pitbull! Well that explains why it’s so vicious. Nearly attacked me several times. (to the AC Officer) So glad you came and took it away, Officer. [polite] I had no idea it was a pitbull. In fact, when Brandy asked me to feed her dog while she was away, I thought she had a poodle. (turns to Brandy) You did have a poodle, right? (off her nod) What happened to it? (beat) Oh God, I hope this monster didn’t kill and eat your dog. [mystery, misinterpretation, superior position – he doesn’t know this is serious and police have been called; guilt ridden]

BRANDY: (trembling) I just don’t know, Phil. Poochi-Poo is nowhere to be found. The monster probably ate him! (sob)

Phil gives her a perfunctory embrace [polite].

PHIL: It’s all my fault, Dear. I should have called you when I wondered if that could possibly be your dog. I mean I just don’t know anything about dogs. {misinterpretation – implicating himself; guilt ridden]

BRANDY: And I don’t know who called Animal Control.

She glances at NEIGHBOR FRANK (40s) on the porch of the house to the right. He’s standing, arms folded, viewing the scene. [something unseen, intrigue] Phil follows her line of vision, then back to the AC Officer.

PHIL: As you can see, Brandy, isn’t responsible for this. As her talent agent–

AC OFFICER: (to Brandy) It was an anonymous tip. A man’s voice. (to Phil) So, you said you were feeding it. And the puppies?

PHIL: Well, I would just shove the food into the yard before the dog could jump me. I never saw puppies.

AC OFFICER: (writing notes) Then you are the one responsible for the dog. (off Phil’s gawk shock) You see, even if you feed a dog one day, the dog becomes your responsibility. [fear, Major Twist… we thought Brandy was in trouble]

As Phil studders incredulity, A POLICE CAR arrives. A big, tougher-looking POLICEMAN gets out, joins the AC Officer, Phil, and Brandy.

POLICEMAN: (to the AC Officer) I’ll take from here. [uncomfortable moment — Phil had no idea it was that serious]

AC OFFICER: I’ll go get the puppies.

The Policeman nods. The AC Officer goes gets a box from his van, then heads back to the yard.

POLICEMAN: (to Phil) What’s your full name and address? Your occupation?

PHIL: Philip Barlow, Officer. 2118 Rosy Lane, Hidalgo, California. I’m a-a talent agent… And got into real estate, but having problems with that. [slight DEMAND re properties]

The Policeman writes it down. Phil fret speaks.

PHIL (CONT’D): I’m head of the neighbor watch. I have great relations with your police chief. [sense of entitlement]

POLICEMAN: And what’s your connection to this property, (Looks at his clipboard) 2116 Rosy Lane?

PHIL: I own all the houses on this street, and–

POLICEMAN: (gottcha) I see.

PHIL: No, officer, you don’t understand. I’m renting this house out to Miss Brandy here. She was away for a while and asked me to feed her dog. I thought it was a poodle, but–

POLICEMAN: (to Brandy) And your name, address, and occupation?

BRANDY: (flushed and effusive) Brandy Lamarr, with two “Rs.” 2116 Rosy Lane, Hidalgo. I’m a movie star. (baby voice) You may have seen me in “Too Late, George”?

POLICEMAN: (viewing her cleavage) No, I… didn’t see that one.

BRANDY: “Quannah’s Quandry”?

POLICEMAN: “Whoa, that was a great movie. You were in that?!”

BRANDY: Well, I was pretty far down the credits. (glares at Phil) The saloon girl?

POLICEMAN: I guess I’ll have to see it again, be on the lookout for the saloon girl. (to Phil, serious) So what we have here is a 13-50, possession of a pitbull, and 13-75, breeding pitbulls. I’ll have to take you in, since you were the one feeding the dog. [surprise re how serious it is; fear]

PHIL: (knocked back) What?! You mean arrest me over a dog thing?

POLICEMAN: That’s the law. Lack of knowledge of the law–

PHIL: (disgusted) I know, … is no excuse. But I don’t even live here and Miss Brandy was away for a month.

BRANDY: (interjecting) On one of those spaghetti Westerns, “Bushwhacker’s Den.” Which’ll surely top the Django series.

Phil looks to Brandy shocked, meekly succumbing as the Policeman handcuffs him [polite] while murmuring the MIRANDA RIGHTS.

PHIL: I thought you were with your sick father? [Brandy, a liar] (to the Policeman) I’m innocent, Officer. [hope]

POLICEMAN: They all say that. [fear]

PHIL: I need to call my attorney. [hope]

POLICEMAN: At the police station.

The AC Officer returns with his box full of puppies.

AC OFFICER: These dogs are sick. One is dead. It’s more serious than I thought. [fear]

Brandy shrugs, turns to Phil, who is worried sick over his predicament.

BRANDY: I WAS with Daddy a few days… Phil, you weren’t getting me any parts. I got another agent. I need money. I’m in debt. [needy, deceptive]

As the Policeman leads compliant Phil to the Police Car and loads him in, Phil calls back.

PHIL: I understand why, Brandy Dear. But you blew the parts I got you. No pun intended. And-and “Bushwhacker’s Den”? You’re going back to that? [mystery/intrigue – what is “that”?]

BRANDY: (shouts with contorted face) You got all the good parts for high class Marla Dubois! Is she better in bed than me, you dirty, rotten cheater! [character change]

All look with horror at her ugly transformation, except Frank on his porch, who smiles. The Police Car zooms away with Phil. Brandy pulls her cell.

BRANDY (ON CELL): Hi Daddy. You were so right about the law. [character changes back] And they took your sick pitbull and puppies away. (whimpers, near tears) You can bring back Poochi Poo now. [PLOT/SITUATION Reveal – Brandy arranged to put the dog there & setup Phil, betrayal, willing to lie]

Neighbor Frank approaches.

FRANK: I didn’t call the cops, Miss Brandy. I swear.

BRANDY: I know that, Franky Baby. But I am glad to get Phil the Red Pill out of my hair. (off Frank’s confusion) Trying to change little ole me… The jailbird won’t be laying Marla tonight. [CHARACTER REVEAL – she’s evil all along]

FRANK: (headshake TSK) Well, I hope they lock him away for good. The slumlord. Always raising rent on these rat-infested shacks.

Frank looks across the street at the eyesore of A MASSIVE JUNKYARD. [REVEAL more interesting setting UNSEEN, new circumstance, surprise]

FRANK (CONT’D): This is nothing but a rural slum… But I guess he gave you a concession.

BRANDY: An itty-bitty one… So how’re things with your big construction contract? You thought of moving to a real swanky place…

INT./EXT. POLICE CAR/CITY STREETS – DAY

PHIL: I wanted to save her. “Bushwhacker’s Den” is NOT a western. It’s porn. So I failed at that and much more…. [guilt-ridden; mystery re “much more”] (eyes the Policeman in the rearview mirror) And I don’t sleep with my clients, despite her allusion. I just want to help actors become rich and famous AND live good, decent lives. I’ve discovered more star material than anyone in our agency. [manipulative]

POLICE: So, you’re a talent agent? … Any parts for policemen?

PHIL: They’re hot right now. Yeh, I could get you some parts. Start with a couple of bits and who knows how far you’ll go. (beat) So what’s the penalty for this dog crime?

POLICE: The dogs are starved and sick, but we won’t make that an issue… A month in jail at most, but probably a fine. Surely your attorney’ll get you off. And if he doesn’t, I know one who will. (beat) Ya know, my wife’s on the Community Improvement Committee. We could look into rezoning and getting rid of that junkyard… It’d improve your property value.

PHIL: (smiles) Why, thank you, Officer, uh?

POLICE: Briggs, Joe Briggs.

PHIL. Glad to meet you… I’ve been trying to get the street rezoned ever since they set up that junkyard…

They ride in silence a while into a town.

POLICE: So you think the woman’s guilty?

PHIL: Not for that dog crime, no. And I don’t think the neighbor put the dog there either, even though he’s a pitbull himself. It’s likely the dog just came into the yard because Brandy was away… (whines) And ate her little poodle. I feel so responsible. For her poodle, not her. [guilt-ridden] (long beat) But you might want to investigate Brandy for other things. Her real name is Bertha Foglehorse. And if you want her junkie’s contact info… [cliffhanger, twist]

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s QE Cycle #5 WRITE THIS SCENE

What I learned from this assignment is that the sheet of ITs so far has really helped.

===============================

LOGLINE: Brandy is in trouble with the police over illegal dogs and Phil is there to get her off the hook, until he’s the one arrested.

ESSENCE: Brandy gets back at Phil for not getting her acting roles and for being a “red pill.”

SCENE ARC: From Brandy looking innocent, a damsel in distress, to her looking evil.

BRANDY: Traits: Status seeking, Entertaining, Needy, Deceptive

— Subtext: Brandy willingly lies when it serves her purpose.

PHILLIP — Traits: Manipulative, Sense of entitlement, Guilt ridden, Polite

— Subtext: Phillip is polite…as he manipulates those around him.

===============================

EXT. RESIDENTAL STREET – DAY

A row of small, but immaculate two-bedroom houses with expansive back yards line the street. Trees, shrubs, flowers. Farm fields behind. Idyllic. [SITUATION current idyllic scene/situation]

An older sedan sits in the driveway of A PINK HOUSE, an ANIMAL CONTROL VAN parked at the curb.

BRANDY (32), glitzy clothes and makeup, stacked and oozing sex, stands near the curb on her cell.

BRANDY (ON CELL): Phil, you’ve got to get over here. Someone called Animal Control on me. I don’t know what’s up. [mystery, creating a future; CHARACTER CURRENT SITUATION/COVER-UP: sweet damsel in distress]

The ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER (40s) comes from the back yard with a FEMALE PITBULL on a catch pole, GROWLING. [something unseen]

BRANDY: (to the AC Officer): I was away for a month. I don’t know how that dog got in my yard. He seems vicious. (orchestrated shiver) [PLOT/SITUATION Demand/Current Situation – how did the dog get there; mystery]

AC OFFICER: It’s a female and there’re puppies back there. You should know it’s illegal to have or breed pitbulls in Hidalgo. And the dog and puppies look half starved. This is serious. I’ll have to call the police. [hook, suspense, creating a future, anticipatory dialogue, fear]

BRANDY: (hand-to-ample chest) Oh my God, the police?! And you mean it’s a pitbull?! [fear, entertaining]

The dog strains against the pole, tries to bite the Officer, but as it passes Brandy is gives PITIFUL WHINE and looks to her for help. [setup, intrigue] He loads the dog into the van, then pulls his cell, speaks out of earshot.

PHIL (45) comes rushing out of a house on her left and sidles up to Brandy. The AC Officer offs his cell, then approaches Brandy and Phil with a clipboard and pen in hand.

BRANDY: (to Phil) He says it’s a pitbull!

PHIL: A pitbull! Well that explains why it’s so vicious. Nearly attacked me several times. (to the AC Officer) So glad you came and took it away, Officer. [polite] I had no idea it was a pitbull. In fact, when Brandy asked me to feed her dog while she was away, I thought it was a poodle. (turns to Brandy) You did have a poodle, right? (off her nod) What happened to it? (beat) Oh God, I hope this monster didn’t kill and eat your dog. [mystery, misinterpretation, superior position – he doesn’t know this is serious and police have been called; guilt ridden]

BRANDY: (trembling) I just don’t know, Phil. Poochi-Poo is nowhere to be found. The monster probably ate him! (sob)

Phil lightly embraces her.

PHIL: It’s all my fault, Dear. I should have called you when I wondered if it was your dog. I mean, I just don’t know anything about dogs. [misinterpretation – implicating himself; guilt ridden]

BRANDY: And I don’t know who called Animal Control.

She glances at NEIGHBOR FRANK (40s) on the porch of the house to the right. He’s standing, arms folded, viewing the scene. [something unseen, intrigue] Phil follows her line of vision, then back to the AC Officer.

PHIL: As you can see, Brandy, isn’t responsible for this. As her talent agent and head of the neighborhood watch–

AC OFFICER: (to Brandy) It was an anonymous tip. A man’s voice. (to Phil) So, you said you were feeding it. And the puppies?

PHIL: Well, I would just shove the food into the yard before the dog could jump me. I never saw puppies.

AC OFFICER: (writing notes) Then you are the one responsible for the dog. (off Phil’s gawk shock) You see, even if you feed a dog one day, the dog becomes your responsibility. [fear, Major Twist… we thought Brandy was in trouble]

As Phil studders incredulity, A POLICE CAR arrives. A much tougher-looking POLICEMAN gets out, joins the AC Officer, Phil, and Brandy.

POLICEMAN: (to the AC Officer) I’ll take from here. [uncomfortable moment — Phil had no idea it was that serious]

AC OFFICER: I’ll go get the puppies.

The Policeman nods. The AC Officer goes gets a box from his van, then heads back to the yard.

POLICEMAN: (to Phil) What’s your full name and address? Your occupation?

PHIL: Philip Barlow, Officer. 2118 Rosy Lane, Hidalgo, California. I’m a-a talent agent… And into real estate. I’m head of the neighbor watch. I have great relations with your police chief. [sense of entitlement]

POLICEMAN: And what’s your connection to this property, (Looks at his clipboard) 2116 Rosy Lane?

PHIL: I own all the houses on this street, and–

POLICEMAN: (gottcha) I see.

PHIL: No, officer, you don’t understand. I’m renting this house out to Miss Brandy here. She was away for a while and asked me to feed her dog. I thought it was a poodle, but–

POLICEMAN: (to Brandy) And your name, address, and occupation?

BRANDY: (flushed and effusive) Brandy Lamarr, with two “Rs.” 2116 Rosy Lane, Hidalgo. I’m a movie star. (baby voice) You may have seen me in “Too Late, George”?

POLICEMAN: (viewing her cleavage) No, I… didn’t see that one.

BRANDY: “Quannah’s Quandry”?

POLICEMAN: “Whoa, that was a great movie. You were in that?!”

BRANDY: Well, I was pretty far down the credits. (glares at Phil) The saloon girl?

POLICEMAN: I guess I’ll have to see it again, be on the lookout for the saloon girl. (to Phil, serious) So what we have here is a 13-50, possession of a pitbull, and 13-75, breeding pitbulls. I’ll have to take you in, since you were the one feeding the dog. [surprise re how serious it is; fear]

PHIL: (knocked back) What?! You mean arrest me over a dog thing?

POLICEMAN: That’s the law. Lack of knowledge of the law–

PHIL: (disgusted) I know, … is no excuse. But I don’t even live here and Miss Brandy was away for a month.

BRANDY: (interjecting) On one of those spaghetti Westerns, “Bushwhacker’s Den.” Which’ll surely top the Django series.

Phil speaks to Brandy, meekly succumbing as the Policeman handcuffs him [polite], murmuring the MIRANDA RIGHTS.

PHIL: I thought you were with your sick father? (to the Policeman) I’m innocent, Officer. [hope]

POLICEMAN: That’s what they all say. [fear]

PHIL: I need to call my attorney. [hope]

POLICEMAN: At the police station.

The AC Officer returns with his box full of puppies.

AC OFFICER: These dogs are sick. One is dead. It’s more serious than I thought. [fear]

Brandy shrugs, turns to Phil, while Phil is worried stunned at his predicament.

BRANDY: I WAS with Daddy a few days… Phil, you weren’t getting me any parts. I got another agent. I need money. I’m in debt. [needy, deceptive]

As the Policeman leads compliant Phil to the Police Car and loads him in, Phil calls back.

PHIL: I understand why, Brandy Dear. But you blew the parts I got you. No pun intended. And-and “Bushwhacker’s Den”? You’re going back to that? [mystery/intrigue – what is “that”?]

The Police Car zooms away with Phil. Brandy pulls her cell.

BRANDY (ON CELL): Hi Daddy. You were so right about the law. And they took your sick pitbull and puppies away. (whimpers) Can you can bring back Poochi Poo? [PLOT/SITUATION Reveal – Brandy arranged to put the dog there & setup Phil, betrayal, willing to lie]

Neighbor Frank approaches.

FRANK: I didn’t call the cops, Miss Brandy. I swear.

BRANDY: I know that, Franky Baby. But I am glad to get Phil the Red Pill out of my hair. (off Frank’s confusion) Trying to change little ole me. [CHARACTER REVEAL – she’s evil all along]

FRANK: (headshake TSK) Well, I hope they lock him away for good. The slumlord. Always raising the rent on these rat-infested shacks.

Frank looks across the street and we see for the first time an ugly, massive junkyard. [surprise, more interesting setting, REVEAL: new scene/situation, a rural slum]

FRANK (CONT’D): Though I guess he gave you a concession.

BRANDY: An itty-bitty one… So how’re things with your big construction contract? You said you’ll be able to move to a real swanky place…

INT./EXT. POLICE CAR/CITY STREETS – DAY

PHIL: I wanted to save her. “Bushwhacker’s Den” is NOT a western. It’s porn. So I failed. [guilt-ridden] (eyes the Policeman in the rearview mirror) I just want to help actors become rich and famous AND live good, decent lives. I’ve discovered more star material than anyone in our agency. [manipulative]

POLICE: So, you’re a talent agent? … Any parts for policemen?

PHIL: They’re hot right now. Yeh, I could get you some parts. Start with a couple of bits and who knows how far you’ll go. (beat) So what’s the penalty for these dog crimes?

POLICE: The dogs are starved and sick, but we won’t make that an issue… A month in jail at most or a fine, but surely your attorney’ll get you off. And if he doesn’t, I know one who will. (beat) So you think the woman’s guilty?

PHIL: Not for that, no. And I don’t think the neighbor put the dog there, even though he’s a pitbull himself. It’s likely the dog just came into the yard because Brandy was away… (whines) And ate her little poodle. I feel so responsible. For her poodle, not her. [guilt-ridden] (long beat) But you might want to investigate Brandy for other things. Her real name is Bertha Foglehorse. And if you want her junkie’s contact info… [cliffhanger, twist]

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Interest Scene – 1st Draft

What I learned doing this assignment is I had to think up a more dramatic situation as my first choice was pretty lame, and then it was easier to add in Structural and then Character ITs. I can now more easily up the dialogue ante on my next draft.

LOGLINE: Shana, working from home, balls out husband Jack in front of his poker buddies, he pacifies her, then once his buddies leave goes in for the big attack.

INTEREST TECHNIQUE IDEAS:

1. STRUCTURAL

A. SUSPENSE: Ron tells Jack he shouldn’t let wife dominate. J: I know. I’ll take care of it

B. MAJOR TWIST: Shana doing business on zoom meeting, then sudden loud noise from other room makes her stop and go there. Jack is having a fine time with friends, the Shana balls him out, shames him in front of his buddies, and he has to deal with it.

C. SURPRISE: The policeman is outside. It’s a movie! However, surprise, the gun is real and loaded. It’s a real homicide.

D. PUT IN A MORE INTERESTING SETTING: Ramshackle home. Courtroom.

E. MISLEAD / REVEAL: We think it’s real, but it’s just a movie, but then we find out the murder is real…And that the 2 stars have issues in real life.

F. SUPERIOR POSITION / DRAMATIC IRONY: The police are called by neighbors and are outside. Those inside the house don’t know.

G. UNCERTAINTY — HOPE / FEAR: Hope the guys will keep it down so Shana can do her work. Fear when noise gets loud. Fear when Shana gets angry and spills the beans about her supporting them.

H. INTRIGUE: Jack is getting money from Shana, and has found her stash… to lose at gambling.

I. MYSTERY: Jack thinks someone’s sleeping with his wife.

J. CLIFFHANGER: He kills Shana in the movie, but the gun was really loaded and she’s actually dead. What will happen to Vance (AKA Jack), the defendant, since he was having issues with Marge (AKA Shana) in real life and someone knows about it?

K. DILEMMA: Shana can confront Jack and bring on problems, or let him make noise and perhaps lose her job.

L. SOMETHING UNSEEN: They start the poker while Shana (unseen) is doing business in the bedroom, then we hear loud noise from Jack. Baby or small child is there, we don’t see it until it starts crying loudly. They are making a movie; we don’t see the director, but hear his “Cut!” And the whole thing is playing out in a courtroom.

———————-

2. CHARACTER

A. CHARACTER CHANGES RADICALLY: Shana very polite with business associates, but like a witch with Jack. Jack jovial with buddies, but violent killer. And they are both actors, but then they have problems and are real bitches.

B. BETRAYAL: Jack’s friend, Harry, is having an affair with Shana. Harry is the only one who meekly defends her.

C. DILEMMA: see above.

D. UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT: Uncomfortable 1. when noise starts, 2. when Shana balls out Jack, 3. When Jack discusses with buddies, 4. When the actors allude to their personal problems.

E. MISINTERPRETATION: Shana thinks all is okay, even after disclosing his lack of employment and her supporting him, and continues to ball him out.

===================

EXT. RAMSHACKLE HOME – NIGHT – ESTABLISHING

A dinky home in a bad neighborhood. Light emanating from the windows.

INT. RAMSHACKLE HOME – NIGHT

This is a two-bedroom dump, the living-dining room a mess, set up for a poker game on the formica dining table. Five chairs are squeezed around it. Low volume boombox music.

JACK (30s) sets out chips, beer in an ice chest.

KNOCK ON THE DOOR.

Jack goes to answer. In saunters RON (30s).

JACK: Hey, Ron. Where’re the guys?

RON: Coming with Harry. Hope you have the funds to stay in the game this time.

JACK: (whispering) No problem. I found the stash.

MORE KNOCKING. The door opens, TWO GUYS and HARRY (30s) come in. HI-FIVES and LAUGHING. They settle around the table, and get started.

FROM THE BEDROOM DOOR, SHANA (late 20s) sticks her head in. A beauty with a stylish do and make-up, oddly out of place here. We don’t see her attire.

SHANA: Hi guys. Have fun, but please keep the noise down. And… Jack, remember our limit.

The guys look her way. She shuts the door, they return to setting up their game.

RON: (to Jack) Do you let her boss you that way?

JACK: (shrugs) What can I do. Gotta please my woman or she just might fly away (glare at Harry)

HARRY: Yeh, that’s the best policy.

BEDROOM

Unlike the living room, this small room is clean and neat. A double bed and small desk with computer. Shana, in business jacket and torn jeans, settles in at the desk. Behind Shana, a neutral backdrop.

The computer displays a Zoom meeting with TWO BUSINESSMEN and A BUSINESSWOMAN waiting for her.

SHANA: (to the computer) Had to take care of something. Now, Frank, you were saying about last week’s report…

FROM THE LIVING ROOM we hear LOUD BOOMBOX MUSIC vibrating the door.

LIVING ROOM

Ron is upping the volume.

RON: That ought to teach her to sass my buddy.

JACK: I donno, she can get purdy mad… But, hey, I’ve had enough of her guff.

He shrugs and deals.

THE BEDROOM DOOR OPENS.

Shana marches in, stands before the group.

SHANA: (shouting over the boombox) I told you to keep it quiet and what do you do. Make is louder!

She goes and turns off the boombox, whirls toward Jack.

SHANA: I’ve had it, Jack! You’re a no good, lazy bum who doesn’t earn a cent.

She doesn’t note the surprise on the buddies’ faces, but Jack does, his jaw grinding.

SHANA (CONT’D): I have to support us. And by working remotely because of your insane jealousy. And then you make it impossible for me to work from home. And you spend all our money on gambling. (turns to the group) You’re ruining our lives! I want you all out of here! Now!

Three buddies arise to leave. Ron and Jack alone remain seated. Ron signals for them to sit back down.

JACK: Come on, now, Shana honey. This is the only fun I have.

Jack gets up, goes apologetically to Shana. Clasps her arms, soothing.

JACK (CONT’D): We’ll be quiet until your meeting’s over. Okay?

SHANA: (relenting) It’ll be over in about an hour. So, if you could just keep it down until then–

She disappears back into the bedroom. The guys return to their places.

RON: Pussy-whipped.

Jack glares at him.

HARRY: No, Ron, Jack’s right for letting her have her space, do her thing.

Jack looks daggers at Harry.

JACK: (sarcastic accusation) Always taking her side, Harry. I wonder why?

Harry puts hands up in a whoa gesture.

RON: I wonder what happened to your big fat construction job, Jack. Not earning even a cent from it?

JACK: Okay, okay, guys. I think our game night is over… Let’s do it at Ron’s house next time. Huh, Ron?

Ron and others get up to leave.

RON: You know my mother’s there, dying from cancer. Can’t do it.

JACK: Well, it looks like I can’t do it either… at least not until I take care of matters.

The guys say their good byes and leave.

BEDROOM

Shana’s in her zoom meeting when Jack bursts in, fire in his eyes and on his face.

JACK: You stinking, rotten bitch!

ON THE COMPUTER: Zoom people, shocked.

EXT./INT. STREET CURB/POLIC CAR – NIGHT

In the cop car in front to Jack’s house a POLICEMAN (40s) speaks.

POLICEMAN (INTO SHOULD MIC): Are you sure this is the address. I don’t hear any loud noise. (beat) Well, I can wait a few minutes more, but I have to attend to real crime calls.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Shana is holding the computer defensively, HER SLOT on zoom going haywire. Jack approaches her slowly, prepping his attack.

ZOOM MAN (COMPUTER): Is everything okay there?

Shana backs away. Jack reaches over grabs the computer and smashes it against the desk, then slaps her hard across the room. The computer goes off, maybe damaged.

JACK: Don’t you ever shaming me in front of my buddies again.

Shana gets up, moves behind the desk

SHANA: I’m sorry, Jack. I just get so mad.

Jack circles around toward her.

Shana opens the desk drawer, revealing a pistol.

JACK: I know what you and Harry are up to behind my back.

SHANA: No, Jack. There’s nothing between us.

Shana pulls the pistol as Jack lunges for her. He grabs the pistol from her.

JACK: You lying, unfaithful bitch.

Shana SCREAMS. A child’s SCREAM echoes hers.

FROM THE DOOR a GIRL (6) stands crying.

GIRL: No, Daddy.

Jack doubles down in anger and violent intent, then shoots Shana with a LOUD BANG.

EXT./INT. STREET CURB – NIGHT

POLICE (ON SHOULDER MIC): I heard that too.

He springs out of his car.

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

The policeman bursts into the room, gun pulled. Jack is standing over Shana, lifeless on the floor. The child has thrown herself over the body, crying.

ZOOM OUT to see we are in

INT. A COURTROOM – DAY

The PEOPLE in the courtroom are viewing the movie footage ON A SCREEN.

AN ATTORNEY is sitting next to VANCE (AKA Jack from the movie) at the defendant’s table.

ON SCREEN: The girl looks up straight at us into the O.S. camera terrified.

GIRL (ON SCREEN): I think Marge is really dead. The blood keeps coming. Not from the fake place.

ON SCREEN: A MAN’S O.S. VOICE from the movie.

MAN (O.S.): Cut!

DEFENSE ATTORNEY: (whispers to Vance): Vance, are you sure no one knows you were having problems with Marge?

VANCE: No one, except Larry, the guy humping her, but Larry’s wife is pathologically jealous, so I doubt he’ll speak up.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

BTW, just read a very good article on Suspense that used THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION to show there can be a lot of suspense even in a drama: https://scriptmag.com/breaking-entering-barri-evins/what-will-happen-next-the-art-of-suspense?utm_campaign=SPM%20-%20Script%20Newsletters&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=263461135&_hsenc=p2ANqtz–iYTCuiHjfCoML6JUn40vIxq5M-4qOm9ya9n06Bif2Gd-wM06llyoIbsMMSvOTXxZXEuvf1HLw5aWTnDd0yEavSUuneQ&utm_content=263265017&utm_source=hs_email

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was the importance of cover-ups and reveals. And I’ll be looking to improve more and more scenes with cover-ups and reveals.

RE the scene I selected, while I have other more important cover-ups and reveals and this one isn’t much of a cover-up/reveal, it’s the first one that changes Jim’s trajectory from playboy trying to win a bet to serious thoughts about Ellie. I earlier had the reveal right up front (more like part of a 1st Act setup point) and even thought it should come a bit later, with the audience learning the same time Jim did, worried like Jim. This lesson made me look for and find a way to do that…

I also have a fake cover-up/reveal for humor: Jim dated Jen in the past and he’s trying in all sorts of ways to cover that up from Ellie, also in this scene, but in a later scene it comes out Jen had told Ellie right off and it didn’t matter to Ellie at all.

===========================

SCENE LOGLINE: Jim goes from being a playboy trying to win a bet by scoring with Ellie to getting serious about her.

LIST THE STRUCTURE OF THE SCENE THROUGH THE THREE STEPS OF THE REVEAL MODEL

DEMAND: Jim is a playboy trying to score with women to win bets, Ellie his current target, but is that all there is to him… a negative trait? We don’t want to see Ellie hurt…

COVER-UP: Jim has a serious side. More re this will come out in later scenes…. This is the first scene in which it is revealed a bit.

REVEAL: Not only about Ellie’s other uncle (more like 1st Act setup), but that Jim can be serious.

WRITE THE SCENE. This is a rewrite, keeping the audience in the dark until it is revealed to Jim, instead of revealing it rigt away….

========================

[COVER-UP, Current Situation in previous scenes: Ellie has a great-uncle who lives on an off-grid ranch the club plans to visit… including Jim, who not only wants to score with Ellie to win a bet, but is into alt energy and interested in the ranch trip. But she has another uncle….]

EXT. GULF BEACH – DAY

The sun casts shadows from the west. To the east a long beach, calm Gulf waves. Clubbers spread out with plastic bags and pick up the trash while BEACH-GOERS swim and lounge.

Ellie, open shirt over bikini, megaphone strapped on her wrist, holds up diapers with a grimace, bags it. Jen with her bag goes up to Ellie. Jim and Mack look from the distance out of earshot.

JEN: I feel terrible how the students treated you in class.

ELLIE: I’m getting used to it… But who is that student who said our club was abolished? Hanging with the Dean of Students. Who abolished our club.

JEN: Oh, Craig Gordon. His family’s a big college oil funder. He’s back for his M.B.A. A real jerk.

ELLIE: That explains stuff… Another thing, who’s the man upstairs?

JEN: Haven’t the foggiest. But I’ve heard that expression.

ELLIE: (nods) So you joining the club… assuming it’s not abolished forever?

JEN: Yes. It’ll help tie my eco-concerns with my business degree.

AT A DISTANCE

Mack with empty bag speaks to Jim, who holds up a bikini top, then puts it in his bag.

MACK: What you won’t do for a twenty. Bo-ring! Go get her or pay up.

JIM: Patience. It’s all in technique.

MACK: Just don’t swerve into serious territory. It’d be a trainwreck. You might even get defunded.

JIM: You worry too much, Man.

MACK: And you don’t worry enough.

Mack drifts away toward the PAVILION, gives Gecko his bag.

From the distance Jim hears Jen exclaim loudly to Ellie.

JEN: Your uncle! Wow!

Ellie turns away upset. [DEMAND – what is the issue with her uncle?] She and Jen continue to talk out of Jim’s earshot. But Ellie seems upset.

And Jim is a bit worried. [is the ranch trip off, with it jeopardize is plan for scoring with Ellie?}

Jen then leaves Ellie and heads toward Jim. Jim notes Ellie viewing them and edges away [they dated in the past], picks up trash more quickly, stumbles.

JEN: Hey, Jim, what’s going on?

Jim, embarrassed, turns.

JIM: Picking it up fast so we can get on to the party.

JEN: Well, Party Animal, I hate being a party-pooper, but–

JIM: Not really.

JEN: I warn you, don’t dabble with Ellie’s heart.

Jim gestures with mock fear.

JIM: Dabbily babbily boo.

JEN: If you knew who her uncle is it’d stop your joking dead.

JIM: I know, the ranch owner. So?

JEN: Not that one.

JIM: (worried) So who’s the other one?

Jen turns halfway and picks up a juice box.

JEN: Maybe it’s not my place to say. She seemed upset about him.

JIM: Come on, now. I gotta know. I mean, is he a cartel guy or something?

Jen pauses. Jim squirms.

JEN: That’s for me to know and you to find out. The hard way.

JIM: Jen, don’t play with me.

JEN: Look who’s talking, Playboy.

Jim turns away, exasperated.

JEN: He’s our pastor, Reverend Rudy.

JIM: (whirls around) Reverend Rudy?!

Jim notes Ellie glance his way and voices down a decibel.

JIM: Wow. We never see her in church.

Jen shrugs. Jim becomes gut-slugged serious. [REVEAL, The New Situation: Ellie’s the niece of Jim’s pastor. Can he now try to score with her? And that’s something for him to consider re Ellie, to whom he’s totally attracted]

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan. Reason: Tweaked it a bit, added COVER-UP, DEMAND, REVEAL

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Don’t know if it’s appropriate to post announcements, but the HOLLYWOOD CLIMATE SUMMIT (Jane Fonda will be speaking) will begin June 21st to 24th. Too late I think for in-person attending, but I think virtual attending may be open: https://www.hollywoodclimatesummit.com/

Their Climate Pitchfest (which was supposed to be part of it) has been postponed until the WGA strike is over. I was a semi-finalist last year, and from the 2022 Summit got my idea for “Weathering It,” which I’m using in this course and have entered in their 2023 Pitchfest. I think their gist is they want to see more positive portrayals that inspire action than the typical apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic climate (cli-fi) eco-doom movies. My thinking, even if climate change is just mentioned a bit, that could do more good than, say, “Day After Tomorrow,” etc.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Forgot to mention, virtual attendance is free.

The sign up link is: Hollywood Climate Summit (swapcard.com)

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Character Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment was that I had the important traits (from an earlier SU course), but didn’t really see how they came together in relationships, causing sympatico, conflict, and subtext.

I’m rushing to do this, so I might not have done it right, but I can see how it will be helpful in rethinking and improving scenes and the whole story.

=============================================

TAG: A feisty eco-activist falls for a wannabe oil engineer.

LOGLINE (RomCom): Two college students struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

ELLIE (protag, 20, college student in communications at McGee U in the Rio Grande Valley)

TRAITS: eco-committed, somber/eco-despair/guy-shy (undergirded by father abandonment despair), caring/doesn’t want anyone hurt, hates/fears loud cacophonic noise (such as in big cities)

JIM (protag, 24, studying for Masters in Oil Engineering at McGee)

TRAITS: playboy, happy-go-lucky (covering his father loss grief), into alt energy, loyal to family members

Ellie’s UNCLE LAYO (antag, 60s, alt energy inventor living on an off-grid ranch in the Rio Grande Valley)

TRAITS: misanthrope (doesn’t trust anyone but Ellie), eco-concerned, cantankerous/crude, stubborn

Jim’s UNCLE FRED (antag, 60s, head of his oil engineering firm in Houston)

TRAITS: rudely domineering, hates everything eco, business/money oriented, some family concern.

ELLIE / JIM:

RAPPORT: in the context of her eco-commitment and his alt energy interest AND with her caring (not wanting people hurt) and his loyalty to family AND their father loss issues, despite difference in circumstances and how they handle it

CONFLICT: with her eco-despair and his happy-go-lucky/extravert style (they do a trait/role reversal before the final Act, which still puts them in conflict) AND her guy-shy and his playboy trait

CONTRAST: with her eco-despair and his happy-go-lucky (and her guy-shy and his playboy trait). She trying to save the earth, he’s trying to get the girl.

COMPETITION: with his loyalty to work for Uncle Fred in Houston and her hatred/fear of big cities/cacophony AND her eco-commitment (to help Layo on his off-grid ranch in the Rio Grande Valley) and his loyalty to work for Uncle Fred in Houston (which leads to the big fallout between them at mid-point). Also her eco-commitment vs. him not being very eco-aware creates funny moments for this comedy

SUBTEXT: Ellie into eco-concerns, Jim into woman conquest

ELLIE / LAYO:

RAPPORT: Both are eco-committed/concerned; both withdraw (Ellie from urban & other clatter, Layo as a misanthrope/hermit)

CONFLICT: Ellie caring, Layo misanthrope & cantankerous; Ellie wants to save the earth (using her communications skills to promote his inventions) v. Layo the misanthrope wants nothing to do with people, a total useless wheel-spinning withdrawal

CONTRAST: Ellie caring, Layo cantankerous and stubborn

COMPETITION: Ellie’s strong eco-commitment and caring (and falling for Jim) v. Layo rejecting all human involvement (except Ellie), and especially hating Jim’s Uncle (they have a past) and thus Jim.

SUBTEXT: humanistic eco-concerns v. misanthropic eco-concerns, Ellie (knowing Layo trusts and cares for her) using that to get her way v. Layo’s stubbornness.

JIM / FRED:

RAPPORT: Jim’s loyalty to family members (Uncle Fred, but mainly to his mother, who insists he go along with Fred) & Fred’s family concern.

CONFLICT: Jim’s happy-go-lucky v. Fred’s business/money oriented; Jim’s alt energy focus v. Fred’s hatred of anything eco;

CONTRAST: Fred’s rudely domineering trait v. Jim’s happy-go-lucky & family loyalty

COMPETITION: Jim’s alt energy focus v. Fred’s hatred of everything eco.

SUBTEXT: Jim’s loyalty to family v. Fred’s domineering (taking advantage of Jim); eco-concern v. hate of anything eco; Jim’s loyalty v. Fred’s rudeness.

JIM / LAYO:

RAPPORT: both into alt energy, Layo eco-concerned

CONFLICT: Jim playboy who is taking Ellie away v. Layo’s misanthrope, depending only on Ellie; Conflict re Layo’s hatred of Jim’s Uncle Fred (see below).

CONTRAST: Jim happy-go-lucky v. Layo’s cantankerous & stubborn

COMPETITION: Jim playboy v. Layo misanthrope

SUBTEXT: Jim’s wants to do right by his family and wants to establish a family with Ellie v. Layo hermit, depending only on Ellie.

ELLIE / FRED:

RAPPORT: Ellie not wanting to hurt anyone pulls along with Fred, whatever his horrible traits are; Ellie caring & Fred with some family concern.

CONFLICT: Ellie eco-concerned v. Fred hating everything eco, but it’s mainly in action/subtext. Ellie, not wanting to hurt anyone, avoids conflict with Fred until close to the end.

CONTRAST: Ellie caring, Fred domineering & rude

COMPETITION: Ellie wanting Jim and Jim to get into alt energy as he desires v. Fred hating all eco-things and being domineering and business/money minded.

SUBTEXT: Ellie wants Jim and wants him to get into alt energy buts has to blossom out with finesse to handle Fred, so it seems like she’s caving to Fred (going over to the dark side).

LAYO / FRED:

RAPPORT: both engineers; both with similar personality traits — cantankerous, domineering, rude, crude (history — they went to college together and… good times & bad)

CONFLICT: they developed a strong hatred of each other decades ago over their differences re alt energy and eco-things, and… Their conflict drive a chasm between Ellie and Jim (a comedic Romeo & Juliet type thing).

CONTRAST: Layo into alt energy v. Fred hating eco-things; Layo living a poor hermit v. Fred business/money oriented

COMPETITION: Layo promoting alt energy v. Fred promoting oil

SUBTEXT: the hatred turns out to be more than just disagreements over pro-eco v. anti-eco, there is something underlying it and how they turned out to be so mean….

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s DRAFT 3: Sinners in Church

Renee’s trait of “prissy” changed to “aggressive”

NOTE: Hal’s critique of that scene agency helped. I thought up a better cliffhanger. Though this is not my best…

===============================================

LOGLINE: A covert hostilities between “sinners” erupts into a verbal brawl in church.

ESSENCE: Renee considers herself perfect and entitled, but is, after all, a sinner, like Maxine.

—————————————————–

INT. CHURCH MEETING CENTER – DAY

THE DARK DRESSING ROOM OFF THE STAGE

From the back door, A MAN we don’t see clearly enters into the dressing room. [dark, eerie mystery] He ons the light revealing a GROTESQUE DEVIL COSTUME, choir robes, a couple of clerical robes, and various other costumes.

He hears CREAKING-SCRATCHING NOISE from THE HALL [something unseen, suspense] and goes onto

THE DARK BACK STAGE

It’s set up for a play. The Man peeks through the heavy curtain, into

THE HALL

An auditorium/events room with folded tables and chairs in back along the wall. The Man sees RENEE DAVIS (73), a strong athlete in her day and still fit, unfolding chairs, setting them up for an event.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN ON THE STAGE

The Man, without Renee noticing him, returns to the

DRESSING ROOM, leaving the door to the stage open.

IN THE HALL

Renee angrily [aggressive] places the chairs for a meeting, leaving an aisle down the middle.

MAXINE PORTLAND (73), unattractive, didn’t age well, arrives from the main entrance.

RENEE: You’re late, Maxine. I needed your help starting ten minutes ago. [aggressive]

Maxine goes to help unfold and set up chairs.

MAXINE: My plane was delayed. But glad I’m not missing the meeting or that “Woke Devil” play tonight… Now what’s this about Helen?

IN THE DRESSING ROOM the Man’s head swivels as he listens.

RENEE (O.S.): (impatient) You know as well as I do that her daughter married a Jew from India, real dark fellow. But you may not have heard that Helen threatened to leave our church, until (sarcastic) our beloved pastor convinced her to stay. She’s out for the Ladies Auxiliary president as far as I’m concerned.

MAXINE (O.S.): Well, I thought of running.

RENE (O.S.): Don’t be ridiculous. You’re never here, gallivanting off on trips.

IN THE HALL

Maxine is stunned, holding a chair, lost in some past anguish. [wound] Renee yanks it out of her hand and sets it up.

RENEE: Come on, get this done. [aggressive, something unseen – man listening to them]

Maxine pats her chest, snaps out of it, and goes to work.

MAXINE: Well, meetings are only once a month. I do have leadership experience.

RENEE: Well, you know how fussy our members are. They might have issues. [devious]

MAXINE: I know my family had problems. Guess it comes with being rich… And it seems some members are jealous of me. [snob]

RENEE: I wasn’t referring to your wealth or you running away as a teen for a piddly weekend. [re Maxine’s wound]

MAXINE: Seeking shelter… (beat, thinking) You’re not saying they know about… I mean, you promised not to tell. [hook, mystery re “what happened”]

RENEE: Don’t be so uptight. A promise is a promise.

MAXINE: But we had a falling out last year, Maxine. You got so angry when I suggested we do an Earth Day program. And people here look at me funny. [paranoid, hook/mystery, subtext prediction/creating a future]

RENEE: What an imagination! Let’s get on with setting up. Help me put a table up near the stage.

The women go get a plastic folding table, take it up the aisle, and position it as they speak.

MAXINE: (murmuring, sotto voce) At least I’ve kept my promise about your, uh, issue….

RENEE: What’s that?

MAXINE: Nothing, Renee… (sly look) Well, we do need several candidates, so I’ll run, but you can run, too. [tricky] You’re still tough and strong. Women’s hockey champion in school. (tight smile) [Renee outgoing; Maxine tricky]

RENEE: I SHOULD be president after all I’ve done for the Auxiliary. [entitled] But if we both run, we’d split the vote and give it to Helen.

MAXINE: Okay, how about this, I won’t run, IF you will do an earth day this year. [tricky]

RENEE: I resent being bribed.

MAXINE: We could call it Creation Day, like they do over at Saint Mary’s… My granddaughter is thinking to leave us and join them. She wants it. Not my idea. [tricky]

RENEE: And become a Catholic?! [conformist] God, no… Okay, but no environmental woke stuff like the climate change hoax. The ladies won’t have it. [conformist to the group mores] (blows a PHEW) And if I’m the only one against Helen I’m sure to be elected. [prediction, creating a future] Just imagine, if Helen were president she’d lead us straight to hell. [prediction] It’s bad enough with blowhard Reverend Jacobs taking over after Reverend Peters passed.

MAXINE: Well, it’s good Janet Peters is still with us. Barely. Such a saintly woman. [creating a future, setup] But what’s wrong with Reverend Jacobs? I thought– [mystery]

RENEE: He’s totally woke. [still a mystery]

THE STAGE CURTAIN just above them slits open and grabs their attention. A MAN in a GROTESQUE DEVIL COSTUME comes out, giving the women a terrible fright. He takes off his devil mask. It’s REVEREND JACOBS (56). [uncomfortable moment]

JACOBS: Prepping for your meeting, ladies?

RENEE: Speaking of the Devil, Reverend Jacobs. We didn’t know you were here. And don’t worry. We have an important election, but we’ll be out of here in an hour.

JACOBS: I know. I heard. I’m just trying on my costume for the “Woke Devil” play tonight. But I could lead you ladies in a prayer and say a few words, maybe something on “The First Stone.”

Maxine looks at Renee, who gets hot under her collar. THE LADIES AUXILIARY MEMBERS start drifting in.

RENEE: I suppose you mean who should throw the first stone? Are you mocking us?

JACOBS: Yes, that passage… And no, it was something I was working up for this week’s sermon… Well, I need to go get supplies from my car. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

Jacobs leaves. Renee turns to Maxine, as THREE MEMBERS join Renee and Maxine, including JOAN (60s) and A FIFTIES SOMETHING WOMAN. Renee casts her a scornful glance, then turns to the Maxine.

RENEE: See, what did I tell you, he’s woke. He needs to go.

MAXINE: I agree he’s a bit progressive, Renee. Not a Democrat, of course. But I sorta wonder what “woke” means anyway?

Renee huffs impatience. The Fifties Something woman looks back and forth at the conversation with a snitty look.

RENEE: I can’t believe you don’t know by now… It means every horrible thing we are not. Sinful, homo and its many ramifications, black, foreign, non-Christian, pro-choice, Democrat, socialists, (with emphasis) drug addicts–

Maxine shivers a bit. [setup, wound, secret]

JOAN: Hey, my family’s been Democrat for over a hundred years.

The others sneer and frown. By now some TWELVE MEMBERS have congregated around Renee.

RENEE: Surely they don’t vote that way.

JOAN: Come to think about it, not for years.

RENEE: As I was saying, before being so rudely interrupted, woke includes environmentalists, like Sierra Club members…

MAXINE: Hey, I just joined the Sierra Club. My granddaughter insisted. Lots of great trips.

MEMBER 1: My husband’s an ecologist at the university here.

Some members go ew-faced. Helen, the Fifties Something Woman, speaks up.

HELEN: My daughter married a Jew from India and he is more conservative, less “woke” as you would call it, than us.

RENEE: Who cares, Helen. I thought you were leaving this church.

HELEN: And where did you hear that?

Loaded silence.

MEMBER 2: (hesitant soft) My daughter, well, she told us she was a lesbian last month. (near tears) And I love her dearly and won’t throw her to you wolves.

RENEE: (angrily) How dare you call us wolves!

The group erupts into a SHOUTING MATCH. Reverend Jacobs peeks in from behind the curtain, amused.

In floats a grand ole dame, JANET PETERS (94). The shouting match ceases with Renee’s last “AND YOU ARE TOO, B-WORD!!

JANET: Sorry I’m late. You good ladies didn’t have to wait for me. We have such an important election. Why don’t we all sit down and get started.

They take their places. Janet goes to the head table.

JANET: So any candidates? As I said I’m only temporary president after Hilda was called to her eternal home.

RENEE: Well, this auxiliary needs someone without flaws, tough enough to stand up against all the evil going on.

MEMBER 3: (to Renee) Miss High and Mighty.

Reverend Jacobs steps down off the stage and joins the group.

JACOBS: Ready for a prayer and my “First Stone” talk?

JANET: I think we need to clear the air first, Reverend… (to the group) As for imperfections among us, I think Maxine’s bout with drugs so many many years ago, which you’ve all been gossiping about recently–

Maxine starts boiling at Renee.

JANET (CONT’D): –is not nearly as serious as mine. Which would certainly disqualify me in Renee’s eyes. (dead silence). You see, I was with love-child when I approached Reverend Peters for help seventy-two years ago. He shielded me from public scrutiny and helped me give the baby up for adoption. And then, bless his heart, married me a few years later and kept my secret the rest of his life.

MAXINE: (to Renee) You were my sister-in-law! At least for a while. And my best friend since high school!

RENEE: Hardly. You tricked me into including you in my school clique by dangling your wealthy, football hero brother, total doofus snob, in front of me. You druggie!

MAXINE: (shouts) You-you evil witch! They should know about you!

Maxine looks about ready to rip Renee apart. Renee takes a chair and slams it against the floor. Members shakes step back away from her.

JANET: Now-now, Maxine, Renee, we all of us have our flaws. ALL of us.

JACOBS: I can lead you in prayer now. Sister Janet has stolen my topic and my heart.

JANET: Maybe I should run for president after all.

MAXINE: (fake sweet) And I suggest for our next meeting we really clear the air, that is air out our worst secrets, as Sister Janet did so bravely, especially if they’ve already hit the gossip circuit. [cliffhanger/creating a future]

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Lesson 17 Write this Scene–Sinners in Church

For some reason I had trouble doing this scene (didn’t seem dramatic or action enough). I started with trying to get in the character traits, but the plot was not very strong and had trouble getting in the interest techniques….

====================

LOGLINE: A covert rivalry between “sinners” erupts into a verbal brawl in church.

ESSENCE: Renee considers herself perfect, but is, after all, a sinner, like Maxine.

====================

INT. CHURCH MEETING CENTER – DAY

THE DARK DRESSING ROOM OFF THE STAGE

From the back door, A MAN we don’t see clearly enters into the dressing room. [dark, eerie mystery] He ons the light revealing the room full of choir robes, a couple of clerical robes, and various costumes, including angels and devils.

He hears CREAKING-SCRATCHING NOISE from THE HALL [something unseen, suspense] and goes onto

THE DARK BACK STAGE

It’s set up for a play. The Man peeks through the heavy curtain, into

THE HALL

An auditorium/events room with folded tables and chairs in back along the wall. The Man sees RENEE DAVIS (73), a real beauty in her younger years, unfolding chairs, setting them up for an event.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN ON THE STAGE

The Man, without her noticing him, returns to the

DRESSING ROOM, leaving the door to the stage open.

IN THE HALL

Renee places the chairs an orderly fashion for a meeting, leaving an aisle down the middle.

MAXINE PORTLAND (73), unattractive, didn’t age well, arrives from the main entrance.

RENEE: Ah, Maxine. Thought you were at the Grand Canyon.

Maxine goes to help unfold and set up chairs.

MAXINE: Just got back for the meeting and that “Woke Devil” play tonight… Now what’s this about Helen?

IN THE DRESSING ROOM the Man’s head swivels as he listens.

RENEE (O.S.): It’s a scandal. Her daughter married a Jew from India, real dark fellow. Then Helen threatened to leave our church, until (sarcastic) our beloved pastor convinced her to stay. So she’s no longer a shoe-in for the Ladies Auxiliary president.

MAXINE (O.S.): Well, I thought of running.

RENE (O.S.): Maxine, you’re always off on trips.

IN THE HALL

Maxine sets up a chair a bit crooked.

RENEE: No-no-no, keep the rows in line. [prissy, something unseen – man listening to them]

Maxine gives more care to placing the chairs.

MAXINE: But meeting are only once a month. And we Portlands have contributed substantial amounts over the years. [snob] I do have leadership experience.

RENEE: Well, you know how fussy our members are. They might have issues. [prissy, devious]

MAXINE: I know my family had problems. Guess it comes with being rich… [snob]

RENEE: I wasn’t referring to you having to run away. [re Maxine’s wound]

MAXINE: Seek shelter… (beat, thinking) You’re not saying they know about… I mean, you promised not to tell. [hook, mystery re “what happened”]

RENEE: I’d almost forgotten, it’s been so long. My promise, of course, holds.

MAXINE: But we had a falling out last year, Maxine, over my suggestion we do an Earth Day program. And people here look at me funny. [paranoid, hook/mystery, subtext prediction/creating a future]

RENEE: You’re just imagining. Here, help me put a table up near the stage.

The women go get a plastic folding table, take it up the aisle, and position it as they speak.

MAXINE: Well, I only feel comfortable when I’m away on trips. Everyone here seems to be against me. Can’t even go grocery shopping without people staring… So, don’t know if I should run or not. (sly look to Renee) [dilemma, tricky] But how about you? Still a party gal, popular homecoming queen and all. (tight smile) [Renee outgoing; Maxine tricky]

RENEE: I have done the most for the Auxiliary. [entitled] And, yes, I do get together a lot with members… AND I’ve maintained a squeaky-clean life. (looks askance at Maxine) [prissy] But if we both run, we’d split the vote and give it to Helen.

MAXINE: Okay, I’ll promise not to run, IF you will do an earth day this year. (off Renee’s reluctance) Maybe call it Creation Day, like they do over at Saint Mary’s… My granddaughter is thinking to leave us and join them. She wants it. Not my idea.

RENEE: You mean she’d convert and become a Catholic?! Oh, God, no… Okay-okay, as long as we leave out the environmental woke stuff like climate change… And Creation Day does sound better, though it did take seven days, not one. (blows a PHEW) And I’m sure to be elected. [prediction, creating a future] Heaven knows if Helen were to become president what path she’d lead us down. [prediction] And I mean DOWN! It’s bad enough with Reverend Jacobs taking over after Reverend Peters passed.

MAXINE: Well, it’s good Janet Peters is still with us. Barely. Such a saintly woman. [creating a future, setup] But what’s wrong with Reverend Jacobs? I thought– [mystery]

RENEE: He’s so… so… I hate to say it. Woke. [still a mystery]

THE STAGE CURTAIN above them slits open and grabs their attention. A MAN in a grotesque DEVIL COSTUME comes out, giving the women a terrible fright. He takes off his devil mask. It’s REVEREND JACOBS (56). [uncomfortable moment]

JACOBS: Prepping for your meeting, ladies?

RENEE: Oh, Reverent Jacobs. Didn’t know you were here. Yes, the Ladies Auxiliary. Maybe you could lead us in prayer, say a few words. If you keep it less than ten minutes. We have an important election.

JACOBS: I know. I heard. Yes, nine minutes tops. I’m trying on my costume for the “Woke Devil” play tonight. But I could say a few words, maybe something short on “The First Stone.”

Maxine looks at Renee, who gets flustered. THE LADIES AUXILIARY MEMBERS start drifting in.

RENEE: (meek) As in who will cast it?

JACOBS: Yes, that passage… Well, carry on. I need to go get supplies from my car. I’ll be back in ten.

Jacobs leaves. Renee turns to Maxine, as THREE MEMBERS join Renee and Maxine, including JOAN (60s) and A FIFTIES SOMETHING WOMAN. Renee looks askance at her.

RENEE: See, what did I tell you? He’s woke and needs to go.

MEMBER 1: I agree he’s a bit on the progressive side — not a Democrat, of course — but I sorta wonder what does “woke” mean anyway?

Renee huffs impatience. The Fifties Something woman looks back and forth at the conversation with a snitty look.

RENEE: It means every horrible thing we are not. Sinful, homo and its many ramifications, black, foreign, non-Christian, pro-choice, Democrat, socialists, drug addicts–

Maxine shivers a bit. [setup]

JOAN: Hey, my family’s been Democrat for over a hundred years.

The others sneer and frown. By now some twelve MEMBERS have congregated around Renee.

RENEE: But they don’t vote that way, do they?

JOAN: No… not for years.

RENEE: As I was enumerating, woke includes environmentalists, like Sierra Club members…

MAXINE: Hey, I just joined the Sierra Club. It’s my granddaughter who insisted. Lots of beautiful trips.

MEMBER 2: My husband’s an ecologist at the university here.

Some members go ew-faced. Helen, the Fifties Something Woman, speaks up.

HELEN: My daughter married a Jew from India and he is more conservative, less “woke” or whatever you call it, than us.

RENEE: That’s nice, Helen. But I thought you were leaving this church.

HELEN: And where did you hear that?

Loaded silence.

MEMBER 3: (hesitant soft) My daughter, well, she told us she was a lesbian last month. (near tears) And I love her dearly and won’t throw her to you wolves.

RENEE: (peaceably) Are you calling us wolves?

The group erupts into a SHOUTING MATCH. Reverend Jacobs peeks in from behind the curtain, amused.

In floats a grand ole dame, JANET PETERS (90s). The shouting match ceases.

JANET: Sorry I’m late. You good ladies didn’t have to wait for me. We have such an important election. Why don’t we all sit down and get started.

They all take their places. Janet goes to the head table.

JANET: So any candidates? As I said I’m only temporary after Hilda passed away.

RENEE: Well, we want someone highly upstanding within the church and community.

MEMBER 5: Miss High and Mighty.

Reverend Jacobs steps down off the stage and joins the group.

JACOBS: Ready for a prayer and my “First Stone” talk?

JANET: I think we need to clear the air first, Reverend… As for imperfections among us, I think Maxine’s bout with drugs so many years ago, which you’ve all been gossiping about recently–

Maxine starts boiling at Renee.

JANET (CONT’D): –is not nearly as serious as mine, which would certainly disqualify me in Renee’s eyes. (dead silence). You see, I was with love-child when I came to Reverend Peters seventy-two years ago. He not only helped me avoid public scrutiny and give the baby up for adoption, but also married me later and kept my secret all his years.

MAXINE: (to Renee) You were my sister-in-law — at least for a while! And my best friend since high school!

RENEE: Hardly. You tricked me into including you in my school clique by dangling your wealthy, football hero brother, total doofus snob, in front of me. You druggie.

MAXINE: (shouts) You-you evil witch!

Maxine looks about ready to rip Renee apart.

JANET: Now-now, Maxine, we all of us have our flaws. ALL of us.

JACOBS: I can lead you in prayer now. Sister Janet has stolen my topic and my heart.

JANET: Maybe I could run for president after all. [cliffhanger]

MAXINE: (fake sweet) And I have a few surprises for you, dearest Renee. [cliffhanger/creating a future]

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Not sure how to do this assignment, so I’m posting the changed character here:

LOGLINE: A rivalry between “sinners” erupts into a brawl in church.

ESSENCE: Renee considers herself entitled, but is, after all, a sinner, like Maxine.

This second iteration with a changed trait (“prissy” to “aggressive”) was not so difficult. But I’m imagining it would have been more difficult if I had changed “outgoing” to “introvert” — then Renee may have tried to convince Maxine to run for president so as to defeat Helen. And “devious” would have become more prominent.

=====================================

Renee’s trait of “prissy” changed to “aggressive”

======================================

INT. CHURCH MEETING CENTER – DAY

THE DARK DRESSING ROOM OFF THE STAGE

From the back door, A MAN we don’t see clearly enters into the dressing room. [dark, eerie mystery] He ons the light revealing the room full of choir robes, a couple of clerical robes, and various costumes, including angels and devils.

He hears CREAKING-SCRATCHING NOISE from THE HALL [something unseen, suspense] and goes onto

THE DARK BACK STAGE

It’s set up for a play. The Man peeks through the heavy curtain, into

THE HALL

An auditorium/events room with folded tables and chairs in back along the wall. The Man sees RENEE DAVIS (73), a real beauty in her younger years, unfolding chairs, setting them up for an event.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN ON THE STAGE

The Man, without her noticing him, returns to the

DRESSING ROOM, leaving the door to the stage open.

IN THE HALL

Renee places the chairs an orderly fashion for a meeting, leaving an aisle down the middle.

MAXINE PORTLAND (73), unattractive, didn’t age well, arrives from the main entrance.

RENEE: You’re late, Maxine. I needed your help starting ten minutes ago. [aggressive]

Maxine goes to help unfold and set up chairs.

MAXINE: My plane back from the Grand Canyon trip was delayed. But glad I’m not missing the meeting or that “Woke Devil” play tonight… Now what’s this about Helen?

IN THE DRESSING ROOM the Man’s head swivels as he listens.

RENEE (O.S.): You know as well as I do that her daughter married a Jew from India, real dark fellow. But you may not have heard that Helen threatened to leave our church, until (sarcastic) our beloved pastor convinced her to stay. She’s out for the Ladies Auxiliary president as far as I’m concerned.

MAXINE (O.S.): Well, I thought of running.

RENE (O.S.): Don’t be ridiculous. You’re never here, gallivanting off on trips.

IN THE HALL

Maxine sets up a chair a bit crooked. Renee goes over and straightens it out with force.

RENEE: Keep the rows in line, Maxine. [aggressive, something unseen – man listening to them]

Maxine gives more care to placing the chairs.

MAXINE: But meetings are only once a month. And we Portlands have contributed substantial amounts over the years. [snob] I do have leadership experience.

RENEE: Well, you know how fussy our members are. They might have issues. [devious]

MAXINE: I know my family had problems. Guess it comes with being rich… [snob]

RENEE: I wasn’t referring to you having to run away to your aunt’s place for a piddly weekend. [re Maxine’s wound]

MAXINE: Seek shelter… (beat, thinking) You’re not saying they know about… I mean, you promised not to tell. [hook, mystery re “what happened”]

RENEE: Don’t be so uptight. A promise is a promise.

MAXINE: But we had a falling out last year, Maxine. You got so angry over my suggestion we do an Earth Day program. And people here look at me funny. [paranoid, hook/mystery, subtext prediction/creating a future]

RENEE: What an imagination! Let’s get on with the work at hand. Help me put a table up near the stage.

The women go get a plastic folding table, take it up the aisle, and position it as they speak.

MAXINE: Well, I only feel comfortable when I’m away on trips. Everyone here seems to be against me. Can’t even go grocery shopping without people staring… So, don’t know if I should run or not. (sly look to Renee) [dilemma, tricky] But how about you? Still tough and strong. Women’s hockey champion in school. (tight smile) [Renee outgoing; Maxine tricky]

RENEE: I do deserve to be president after all I’ve done for the Auxiliary. [entitled] I can still gather a team around me… AND no issues in my life. (looks askance at Maxine). But if we both run, we’d split the vote and give it to Helen.

MAXINE: Okay, I’ll promise not to run, IF you will do an earth day this year.

RENEE: I don’t like people bribing me.

MAXINE: We could call it Creation Day, like they do over at Saint Mary’s… My granddaughter is thinking to leave us and join them. She wants it. Not my idea.

RENEE: And become a Catholic?! God, no… Okay, but no environmental woke stuff like the climate change hoax… (blows a PHEW) And I’m sure to be elected. [prediction, creating a future] Just imagine, if Helen were president she’d lead us straight down to hell. [prediction] It’s bad enough with blowhard Reverend Jacobs taking over after Reverend Peters passed.

MAXINE: Well, it’s good Janet Peters is still with us. Barely. Such a saintly woman. [creating a future, setup] But what’s wrong with Reverend Jacobs? I thought– [mystery]

RENEE: He totally woke. [still a mystery]

THE STAGE CURTAIN above them slits open and grabs their attention. A MAN in a GROTESQUE DEVIL COSTUME comes out, giving the women a terrible fright. He takes off his devil mask. It’s REVEREND JACOBS (56). [uncomfortable moment]

JACOBS: Prepping for your meeting, ladies?

RENEE: Speaking of the Devil Reverend Jacobs. We didn’t know you were here. And don’t worry. We’ll be out of here in an hour or so. We have an important election.

JACOBS: I know. I heard. I’m just trying on my costume for the “Woke Devil” play tonight. But I could lead you ladies in a prayer and say a few words, maybe something “The First Stone.”

Maxine looks at Renee, who gets hot under her collar. THE LADIES AUXILIARY MEMBERS start drifting in.

RENEE: I suppose you mean who should throw the first stone? Are you mocking us?

JACOBS: Yes, that passage… And no, it was something I was working up for this week’s sermon… Well, I need to go get supplies from my car. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

Jacobs leaves. Renee turns to Maxine, as THREE MEMBERS join Renee and Maxine, including JOAN (60s) and A FIFTIES SOMETHING WOMAN. Renee looks askance at her.

RENEE: See, he’s woke. He needs to go.

MAXINE: I agree he’s a bit on the progressive side, Renee. Not a Democrat, of course. But I sorta wonder what “woke” means anyway?

Renee huffs impatience. The Fifties Something woman looks back and forth at the conversation with a snitty look.

RENEE: I can’t believe you don’t know… It means every horrible thing we are not. Sinful, homo and its many ramifications, black, foreign, non-Christian, pro-choice, Democrat, socialists, drug addicts–

Maxine shivers a bit. [setup]

JOAN: Hey, my family’s been Democrat for over a hundred years.

The others sneer and frown. By now some TWELVE MEMBERS have congregated around Renee.

RENEE: Surely they don’t vote that way.

JOAN: No… not for years.

RENEE: As I was saying, before being so rudely interrupted, woke includes environmentalists, like Sierra Club members…

MAXINE: Hey, I just joined the Sierra Club. My granddaughter insisted. Lots of beautiful trips.

MEMBER 1: My husband’s an ecologist at the university here.

Some members go ew-faced. Helen, the Fifties Something Woman, speaks up.

HELEN: My daughter married a Jew from India and he is more conservative, less “woke” as you would call it, than us.

RENEE: Who cares, Helen. I thought you were leaving this church.

HELEN: And where did you hear that?

Loaded silence.

MEMBER 2: (hesitant soft) My daughter, well, she told us she was a lesbian last month. (near tears) And I love her dearly and won’t throw her to you wolves.

RENEE: (angrily) How dare you call us wolves?

The group erupts into a SHOUTING MATCH. Reverend Jacobs peeks in from behind the curtain, amused.

In floats a grand ole dame, JANET PETERS (94). The shouting match ceases with Renee’s last “AND YOU ARE TOO.”

JANET: Sorry I’m late. You good ladies didn’t have to wait for me. We have such an important election. Why don’t we all sit down and get started.

They all take their places. Janet goes to the head table.

JANET: So any candidates? As I said I’m only temporary after Hilda was called to her eternal home.

RENEE: Well, this auxiliary needs someone without flaws, who can stand up against all the evil going on.

MEMBER 3: (to Renee) Miss High and Mighty.

Reverend Jacobs steps down off the stage and joins the group.

JACOBS: Ready for a prayer and my “First Stone” talk?

JANET: I think we need to clear the air first, Reverend… (to the group) As for imperfections among us, I think Maxine’s bout with drugs so many years ago, which you’ve all been gossiping about recently–

Maxine starts boiling at Renee.

JANET (CONT’D): –is not nearly as serious as mine. Which would certainly disqualify me in Renee’s eyes. (dead silence). You see, I was with love-child when I approached Reverend Peters for help seventy-two years ago. He shielded me from public scrutiny and helped me give the baby up for adoption. And then, bless his heart, married me and kept my secret all his years.

MAXINE: (to Renee) You were my sister-in-law — at least for a while! And my best friend since high school!

RENEE: Hardly. You tricked me into including you in my school clique by dangling your wealthy, football hero brother, total doofus snob, in front of me. You druggie!

MAXINE: (shouts) You-you evil witch!

Maxine looks about ready to rip Renee apart. Renee takes a chair and slams it against the floor. Members shakes step back away from her.

JANET: Now-now, Maxine, Renee, we all of us have our flaws. ALL of us.

JACOBS: I can lead you in prayer now. Sister Janet has stolen my topic and my heart.

JANET: Maybe I should run for president after all. [cliffhanger]

MAXINE: (fake sweet to Renee) And I have a few surprises for you, dearest Renee. [cliffhanger/creating a future]

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s QE Cycle #3: REWRITE of Nancy and Squire Make a Mess Together

What I learned from rewriting this scene that is improving my writing is I could find some places to add more interest technique, but it made it a bit longer… but more interesting. It’s now almost like a short.

=================================================================

LOGLINE: Nancy reinvestigates Squire’s case and it blows up.

ESSENCE: Nancy’s investigation twist-turns against Squire, then against Nancy.

================================================

EXT./INT. CITY STREET/CAR – DAY

A car pulls over to the side in front of the Police Station. NANCY COLMES (29) in a sleek dress suit slides into

INT. THE CAR on the passenger side.

You wouldn’t know it was an unmarked police car, except for the interior: police lights on the rear and front windows, the radio/control board with knobs and buttons, the computer, and the stash of notepads and clipboards.

In the driver’s seat JOE SQUIRE (32), jacket-no-tie, gives her a quick smile.

SQUIRE: Let’s get this straight. I don’t need or want another partner. Anything else, like let’s go on a date, fine. (graucho raised brows, smile). [uncomfortable moment, seductive]

NANCY: The P.D. said I needed a partner to show me the ropes. And while I really wanted to get into investigation, I’m not exactly happy you’re the one to show me… [uncomfortable moment] But I can understand how you feel, or at least should feel, about Barb’s death… [hook, scheming, suspense, subtext: he’s selfish, not concerned about his previous partner]

SQUIRE: Leave Barb out of this. Internal Affairs cleared me of any part in her suicide, if that’s what you’re angling at. [mystery, change of character] She wasn’t my type and her affair was with someone else… Her husband thinks someone from Fulcrum, where she seemed to hang around a lot… [mystery, set-up] But outside her personal life, of which I knew nada, she was okay as a partner. I just don’t want go through this again. (stiff smile) [mystery, suspense – what is “this”?]

Nancy seems to be mulling, making mental notes of what he’s saying. [scheming]

NANCY: Well, I knew Barb, went to school with her, and it won’t be anything like that with me. At least not the way you describe it. [anticipatory dialogue, subtext: she doubts his story]

They sit in silence a while, then–

SQUIRE: So what made you want to leave patrol? I know, I know, (wink-smiles at her) [seductive] you have your masters in criminal justice with police academy training in detective work, top of class, so you’ll do well learning the ropes from me [subtext control: you’re the student, I’m the teacher]

He gives her an alluring smile [seductive], then he starts driving down the street as they talk.

NANCY: (facetious) Good job, Squire! On investigating me. [competitive – damning with faint praise] So, yes, I thought I might put my skills and education to better use.

SQUIRE: (flashing brows, sexual humor) And female intuition? [subtext control: put down]

NANCY: That, too. (strained smile) [subtext control, competitive: I have superior abilities]

SQUIRE: So what’ll it be, Dinky Donuts or Ranch Burgers? Great places to investigate. [happy-go-lucky]

Nancy gives him a sly glance as she pulls her note pad from her satchel purse. She pretends to read it.

NANCY: Fulcrum. We need to go to there.

SQUIRE: (shocked) But that suicide-murder investigation is long over. [fear, character change]

NANCY: Apparently not, according to Lieutenant Whitney. He told me to start there. [anticipatory dialogue]

SQUIRE: (looks daggers at her) He’s wrong. Must not have read the final report. [uncomfortable moment, hook] The guy was fired from Fulcrum Upholstery, had marital difficulties — he killed her, then himself. A typical case. (off her obstinate glare) It’s a one company town. He’d lost his only chance in life.

NANCY: But Whitney wants me to investigate the Fulcrum case. (turns on charm) Maybe just for practice. [scheming]

SQUIRE: We aren’t going there, Nance, if I may call you that. It’s out in the boonies. And that’s final.

NANCY: Then I’ll just have to go there myself. [Stubborn]

SQUIRE: (really worried) Okay, okay, M’am. But you’ll regret it. [anticipatory dialogue; dilemma for Squire, the better horn]

NANCY: And why’s that?

SQUIRE: For one thing, it’ll take time away from real cases. [contradiction=subtext mystery/suspense/creating a future – he wanted donuts]

NANCY: And?

He clams up with a grunt [mystery, creating a future] and they head out on a two -lane highway.

LATER

They pass ranches and barren land.

LATER

They see a small town in the distance and a big ugly industrial plant with smoking smokestacks. As they approach, a sign comes into view, “FULCRUM, pop. 359,” then the plant sign, “FULCRUM UPHOLSTERY.”

NANCY: Stop here at the plant.

SQUIRE: (freaked) Why?! The family of that couple is on the other side of town. [fear, mystery]

Squire drives past the plant entrance.

NANCY: Then I’ll just have to come out here myself. [stubborn, allusion to Barb’s story=suspense]

Squire does an angry donut on the road and heads in through the plant’s open gate. They get out at the office building. Nancy scrunches her noise, holds it, makes a “Phew” sound. [something unseen, but smelled]

INT. MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY

THE MANAGER (50s), behind the desk. Nancy and Squire, in front.

MANAGER: That’s all I can tell you. We had to let him go. It’s unfortunate that he took it so hard.

Nancy is scribbling notes. She’s LEFT-HANDED [set-up]. Squire is trying to look bored, dithering on nervous [mystery — why?].

MANAGER (CONT’D): (rising) So if there’s anything else I can help you with…

Squire stands, but Nany remains seated.

NANCY: What I don’t understand is there’s no termination notice and his family says they weren’t aware he was fired.

MANAGER: (upset) He probably threw it in the trash… Now I really have some important work…

Nancy jots down her final notes, closes her notebook, and gets up.

NANCY: So what is it you manufacture? Upholstery?

As they walk out the door into

THE CORRIDOR

the manager explains.

MANAGER: Not exactly. We manufacture the D.E.H.P. that goes into making upholstery and other products. (off Nancy’s questioning look) Di-2-ethylhexyl-phthalate. It’s what makes synthetic materials soft and pliable. [hook, creating a future, something unseen. Why is the plant called by the innocuous name Fulcrum Upholstery?]

He gives her a stiff smile, and backs away to leave.

NANCY: And, of course, you’d have a copy of the termination notice.

The manager turns heel and strides down the corridor. [creating a future, hook, uncomfortable moment, mystery]

SQUIRE: Nice work, Nance. You just severed our most important tie to the community here.

Nancy gawks a shocked face. [hook… why is Squire siding with the manager, why is he not interested in important case details?]

SQUIRE: (sassy) So now I suppose you’ll want to meet the parents.

INT. SMALL RANCH-STYLE HOUSE – DAY

THE MOTHER and FATHER (60ish) sit in arm chairs, Squire and Nancy on the sofa, Squire looking bored.

NANCY: (scrunching her nose) The factory smell is pretty bad. You even get a bit of it here.

FATHER: That’s what we call the sweet smell of money. [something unseen, but smelled]

Nancy nods, looks down at the report, then up at the parents.

NANCY: Now, according to the report you said you didn’t know anything about your son John being fired.

MOTHER: We hadn’t been on good speaking terms with John and Sarah, our daughter-in-law, for several months before they passed. (grief sob)

FATHER: (harsh) This is a one-company town. You can’t buck the company. Likely John WAS fired. That’s all I’m gonna say. [mystery, hiding something ?]

Seems the father may be hiding something. Nancy studies him.

NANCY: Now I understand they had a baby. Are you the guardians?

MOTHER: No, Meg, his sister is. She knows more about John and his wife. They were close.

Nancy flips through the report, then glances at Squire with slight astonishment.

NANCY: Seems Meg wasn’t interviewed… Do you have her phone number and address. (sly superiority glance at Squire) [competitive, thinks she’s better than Squire]

The Mother goes to the dining table and writes down the info. Squire gets very worried and stands.

SQUIRE: This isn’t necessary, Nance. We need to get back and deal with real cases.

NANCY: And donuts? [subtext – I’m thorough, you’re sloppy and too happy-go-lucky]

Squire’s at the door, Nancy stands in place. They wait. The Mother comes and hands the note to Nancy.

INT. CAR – DAY

Squire and Nancy are driving on Fulcrum’s small town street when the radio buzzes.

WHITNEY (O.S., RADIO): Lieutenant Whitney here… Sergeant Squire, I see you and Corporal Colmes are in Fulcrum. Why did you go there when the case was closed? [surprise, twist, uncomfortable moment, creating a future]

Squire in total shock stops the car and turns to Nancy. She puts on her hard face.

NANCY: Lieutenant Whitney, Sir, I found some holes in the report and thought they should be investigated.

Squire is about to blow his top then Whitney responds.

WHITNEY (O.S., RADIO): Good work, Corporal. I myself had questions. Proceed then…

The radio off, Squire turns to Nancy in hot rage.

SQUIRE: You-you, bitch. You think you can outdo everyone. This case is now officially closed and we’re headed home. [mystery why he’s so angry]

NANCY: Not until we interview the sister! [creating a future, anticipatory dialogue]

INT. A DIFFERENT RANCH-STYLE HOUSE – DAY

A smaller home. MEG (24) on the sofa, Nancy and Squire in plastic lawn chairs.

MEG: My brother wasn’t fired to my knowledge. And he and Sarah, his wife, were getting along as well as could be, considering…

A baby’s CRY. [something unseen]

NANCY: Is that their baby?

MEG: Yes.

NANCY: Can I see it?

MEG: I don’t know… Well, okay.

She rises and goes, Nancy following, leaving her satchel and Squire behind [set-up], into

A BEDROOM

Meg lifts the ANENCEPHALIC BABY (6 months, small, flattish head) from the crib. [surprise, uncomfortable moment]

Nancy extends her arms, holding back her discomfort. Meg transfers the baby to her. Nancy coos and smiles at the baby [caring]

They head back into

THE LIVING ROOM

Nancy gives the baby back to Meg. They sit down

NANCY: You were talking about your brother and his wife’s marital problems [scheming – she knows Meg didn’t say that]

MEG: No, what I meant is they were getting on fine. It’s that they were worried about the baby’s anencephalic brain deformity. (she rocks the baby) He thought it might have been caused by Fulcrum Upholstery operations. Also the cancers. Quite a few in Fulcrum. [mystery, hook]

SQUIRE: Well, he isn’t a scientist–

MEG: That’s what he said, so he got the company to hire one. But the scientist said Fulcrum’s population was way too small to make any determination, but–

SQUIRE: See–

MEG: But my brother wasn’t satisfied. [hook/mystery-did brother investigate further?] He was a perfectionist, a good worker. [twist – good worker, fired?]

NANCY: (stands). Well, thanks for your time and we hope something can be done for the baby.

Squire also gets up, relieved it’s over, and they head to the door.

EXT./INT. CAR ON A COUNTRY ROAD – DAY

They drive in silence as the town receded in the background. Nancy surfaces the net on her cell. Then she looks up at Squire.

NANCY: D.E.P.H. is linked to anencephaly AND cancer. (off Squire’s shrug) Maybe the company felt he knew too much. It could be a double murder, not a murder-suicide. [creating a future, mystery]

SQUIRE: (tight smile) Good work, Nance. You’re a better detective than me. [allusion to her competitiveness]

Squire makes an abrupt turn onto a dirt road. [suspense]

NANCY: (alarmed) Where are we going?

SQUIRE: I have something to show you before we leave these boonies. (wink-smiles at her) [charm to control, seductive] Don’t worry I’m not about to seduce you. You’re not my type. (another smile)

Well off the highway, he stops the car and gets out. Nancy exits her side and looks around.

NANCY: There’s nothing here. What is it you have to show me?

Squire pulls a gun on Nancy. [surprise, cliffhanger, suspense]

SQUIRE: Your gun. I took it while you were in the bedroom. [payoff]

He shoots her in the head, blood and brains splattering. She falls to the ground dead.

SQUIRE: Why-o-why do these suicides keep happening?

He wipes the gun and pushes it into her RIGHT hand. [cliff-hanger for Squire/story & payoff re her left-handedness]

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s QE Cycle #3: Nancy and Squire Make a Mess Together

What I learned from writing this scene that is improving my writing is I needed to figure the larger context first (the basic gist of the movie), which helped me to included some of the max interest techniques. So it’s a bit long, a series of scenes, but each have some interest techniques.

=================================================================

LOGLINE: Nancy reinvestigates Squire’s case and it blows up.

ESSENCE: Nancy’s investigation twist-turns against Squire.

================================================

EXT./INT. CITY STREET/CAR – DAY

A car pulls over to the side in front of the Police Station. NANCY COLMES (29) in a sleek dress suit slides into

INT. THE CAR on the passenger side.

You wouldn’t know it was an unmarked police car, except for the interior: police lights on the rear and front windows, the radio/control board with knobs and buttons, the computer, and the stash of notepads and clipboards.

In the driver’s seat JOE SQUIRE (32), jacket-no-tie, gives her a quick smile.

SQUIRE: Let’s get this straight. I don’t need another partner. [uncomfortable moment]

NANCY: The P.D. said I needed one. To show me the ropes. And while I really wanted to get into investigation, I’m not exactly happy you’re the one to show me… [uncomfortable moment] But I can understand how you feel with Barb’s death… [hook, scheming, suspense]

SQUIRE: Leave Barb out of this. Internal Affairs cleared me of any part in her suicide, if that’s what you’re angling at. [mystery] Her affair was with someone else… And outside her personal life, she was okay as a partner. But I don’t want go through this again. (gives her a hard look) [mystery, suspense – what is “this”?]

Nancy seems to be making mental notes of what he’s saying. [scheming] They sit in silence a while, then–

SQUIRE: So what made you want to leave patrol? I know, I know, (wink-smiles at her) [seductive] you have your masters in criminal justice with police academy training in detective work, top of class.

He gives her an alluring smile [seductive], then he starts driving down the street as they talk.

NANCY: Good job, Squire! On investigating me. [competitive – damning with faint praise] So, yes, I thought I might put my skills and education to better use.

SQUIRE: (flashing brows, sexual humor) And female intuition?

NANCY: That, too. (strained smile)

SQUIRE: So what’ll it be, Dinky Donuts or Ranch Burgers? Great places to investigate. [happy-go-lucky]

Nancy gives him a sly glance as she pulls her note pad from her purse. She pretends to read it.

NANCY: Fulcrum. We need to go to there.

SQUIRE: (worried) But that suicide-murder investigation is long over. [fear, character change, anticipatory dialogue (subtext)]

NANCY: Apparently not, according to Lieutenant Whitney. He told me to start there.

SQUIRE: (looks dagger at her) He’s wrong. Must not have read the final report. [uncomfortable moment, hook] The guy was fired from Fulcrum Upholstery, had marital difficulties — he killed her, then himself. A typical case. (off her obstinate glare) It’s a one company town. He’d lost his only chance in life.

NANCY: But Whitney wants me to investigate the Fulcrum case. (turns on charm) Maybe just for practice.

SQUIRE: We aren’t going there, Nance, if I may call you that. It’s out in the boonies. And that’s final.

NANCY: Then I’ll just have to go there myself. [Stubborn]

SQUIRE: (really worried) Okay, okay, M’am. But you’ll regret it. [dilemma (neither choice appears good to Squire), anticipatory dialogue]

NANCY: And why’s that?

SQUIRE: For one thing, it’ll take away time from real cases. [contradiction=subtext mystery/suspense/creating a future – he wanted donuts] And I know you’re an efficiency expert.

NANCY: And?

He clams up [mystery, creating a future] and they head out on a two -lane highway.

LATER

They pass ranches and barren land.

LATER

They see a small town in the distance and a big ugly industrial plant with smoking smokestacks. As they approach, a sign comes into view, “FULCRUM, pop. 359,” then the plant sign, “FULCRUM UPHOLSTERY.”

NANCY: Stop here at the plant.

SQUIRE: (totally disturbed) Why?! The family of that couple is on the other side of town. [fear, mystery]

Squire drives past the plant entrance.

NANCY: Then I’ll just have to come out here myself. [stubborn]

Squire does an angry donut on the road and heads in through the plant’s open gate. They get out at the office building. Nancy scrunches her noise, holds it, makes a “Phew” sound. [something unseen, but smelled]

INT. MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY

THE MANAGER (50s), behind the desk. Nancy and Squire, in front.

MANAGER: That’s all I can tell you. We had to let him go. It’s unfortunate that he took it so hard.

Nancy is scribbling notes. She’s LEFT-HANDED [set-up]. Squire is trying to look bored, dithering on nervous [why?].

MANAGER (CONT’D): (rising) So if there’s anything else we can help you with…

Squire stands, but Nany remains seated.

NANCY: What I don’t understand is there’s no termination notice and his family says they weren’t aware he was fired.

MANAGER: (upset) He probably threw it in the trash… Now I really have some important work…

Nancy jots down her final notes, closes her notebook, and gets up.

NANCY: So what is it you manufacture? Upholstery?

As they walk out the door into

THE CORRIDOR

the manager explains.

MANAGER: Not exactly. We manufacture the D.E.H.P. that goes into making upholstery and other products. (off Nancy’s questioning look) Di-2-ethylhexyl-phthalate. It’s what makes synthetic materials soft and pliable. [creating a future, something unseen, fear? Mystery? Why is the plant called by the innocuous name Fulcrum Upholstery?]

He gives her a stiff smile, and backs away to leave.

NANCY: And, of course, you’d have a copy of the termination notice.

The manager turns heel and strides down the corridor. [creating a future, hook, uncomfortable moment, mystery]

SQUIRE: Nice work, Nance. You just severed our most important tie to the community here.

Nancy gawks a shocked face. [hook… why is Squire siding with the manager, why is he note interested in important case details?]

SQUIRE: (sassy) So now I suppose you’ll want to meet the parents.

INT. SMALL RANCH-STYLE HOUSE – DAY

THE MOTHER and FATHER (60ish) sit in arm chairs, Squire and Nancy on the sofa, Squire looking bored.

NANCY: According to the report you said you didn’t know anything about your son being fired.

MOTHER: We hadn’t been on good speaking terms with our son and daughter-in-law for several months before they passed. (grief sob)

FATHER: (harsh) This is a one-company town. You can’t buck the company. Likely he WAS fired. That’s all I’m gonna say. [mystery, hiding something ?]

Seems the father may be hiding something, Nancy studies him.

NANCY: Now I understand they had a baby. Are you the guardians?

MOTHER: No, his sister is. She knows more about him and his wife. They were close.

Nancy flips through the report, then glances at Squire with slight astonishment.

NANCY: Seems she wasn’t interviewed… Do you have her phone number and address. (sly glance at Squire) [competitive, doing better than Squire]

The Mother goes to the dining table and start writing down the info. Squire gets very worried and stands.

SQUIRE: This isn’t necessary, Nance. We need to get back and deal with real cases.

NANCY: And donuts?

Squire’s at the door, Nancy stands in place. They wait. The Mother comes and hands the note to Nancy.

INT. CAR – DAY

Squire and Nancy are on Fulcrum’s small town street, looking for the house, when the radio buzzes.

WHITNEY (O.S., RADIO): Lieutenant Whitney here… Sergeant Squire, I see you and Corporal Colmes are in Fulcrum. Why did you go there when the case was closed? [surprise, twist]

Squire in total shock stops the car and turns to Nancy.

NANCY: Lieutenant Whitney, Sir, I found some holes in the report and thought should be investigated.

Squire is about to blow his top then Whitney responds.

WHITNEY (O.S., RADIO): Good work, Corporal. I myself had questions. Proceed then…

The radio off, Squire turns to Nancy in hot rage.

SQUIRE: You-you, bitch. You think you can outdo everyone. This case is now officially closed and we’re headed home. [mystery why he’s so angry]

NANCY: Not until we interview the sister! [creating a future, anticipatory dialogue]

INT. A DIFFERENT RANCH-STYLE HOUSE – DAY

A smaller home. SISTER (24) is on the sofa, holding an ANENCEPHALIC BABY (6 months, small, flattish head). [surprise, hook, uncomfortable moment] Squire and Nancy sit in plastic lawn chairs.

SISTER: He wasn’t fired to my knowledge, and he and Sarah, his wife, were getting along well, considering they were worried about their baby, her anencephalic brain deformity. (she rocks the baby) He said it was caused by Fulcrum Upholstery. Also the cancers. Quite a few in Fulcrum. [mystery, hook,

Nancy is busy on her cell. Squire gets huffy.

SQUIRE: Well, he isn’t a scientist, so–

SISTER: That’s what he said, so he got the company to hire a scientist. But the scientist said Fulcrum’s population was way too small to make any determination.

SQUIRE: See–

SISTER: But my brother wasn’t satisfied. [hook/mystery-did brother investigate further?] He was a good worker, a perfectionist. [twist – good worker, not fired]

NANCY: (looking up from her cell) Yes. D.E.P.H. is linked to anencephaly AND cancer.

EXT./INT. CAR ON A COUNTRY ROAD – DAY

Squire drives. Nancy scribble notes, looks at Squire.

NANCY: It seem more like a double murder. Maybe the company felt he knew too much… [creating a future, mystery]

SQUIRE: Good work, Nance. You’re such a better detective than me.

Squire makes an abrupt turn onto a dirt road. [suspense]

NANCY: (alarmed) Where are we going?

SQUIRE: I have to show you something before we leave this god-forsaken place. (wink-smiles at her) [charm to control, seductive] Don’t worry I’m not about to seduce you. (another smile)

Well off the highway, he stops the car and gets out. Nancy exits her side and looks around.

NANCY: There’s nothing here. What is it you have to show me. [suspense]

Squire pulls a gun on Nancy. [surprise, cliffhanger]

SQUIRE: This. I took the liberty of taking your gun.

He shoots her in the head, blood and brains splattering. She falls to the ground.

SQUIRE: Why-o-why do these suicides keep happening?

He wipes the gun and pushes it into her dead RIGHT hand. [payoff (re her left-handedness); cliff-hanger]

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Max Interest 2

What I learned that is improving my writing is that I can find some of these techniques to include in scenes. However, that tends to lengthen the script and call for more changes later and earlier based on those additions. Which is good, because those changes also add to Max Interest. And I guess I’ll find ways to cut my script back down by ridding it of non-interesting/gripping parts.

====================================

Scene 3 from WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com0

LOGLINE: Ellie and Luz try to promote the Eco Club and its turtle trip, but are thwarted by the Dean.

ESSENCE: Ellie struggles to promote eco-issues against forces obstructing these.

EXT. CAMPUS WALKWAY – DAY

Pillars on the covered walkway with event posters, including:

>> ØØØ (Phi Phi Phi) Frat’s lemonade stand, Library Plaza

>> Anime Club poster, an ANIME PIZZA SLICE IN A MOUTH

>> The SEA TURTLE poster.

Ellie, sweaty, wipes her brow, then ties the fourth string of the poster to a wire on the pillar. Luz holds it in place.

Finished, they hand out flyers on reused paper, words x-ed out on the other side. Some STUDENTS take them, some don’t. ONE disregards the turtle trip info and reads the x-ed back, about the Pythagorean theorem, fascinated.

A COED takes a flyer, skims, and chucks it. Ellie rushes to pick it up while Luz stomps after the coed.

LUZ: D’ya want global warming to boil the oceans and bake us to death?

COED: (stops and turns) How’re turtles gonna help on exams?

The coed struts off. Ellie sidles up to Luz.

ELLIE: Don’t exaggerate. It’ll turn ’em off. Mention the beach party… Or maybe how scientists underestimated Greenland melt–

LUZ: Nothing works, Ellie, and the heat’s killing us. [minor hook, to this point mostly setup info]

ELLIE: Guess we’ll have to weather it. The way things are NOT going.

They resume handing out flyers. A GUY takes one, lets it slip to the ground. Luz picks it up and chases after him.

LUZ: No exaggeration, Greenland’s melting away.

The guy stops, smiles at Luz.

GUY: Good thing we live in the Rio Grande Valley then.

He heads on as THE DEAN OF STUDENTS (50s) comes and cuts down the turtle poster. [small hook] Ellie sees him, dashes over. [uncomfortable moment]

ELLIE: What’s going on, Dean?

The Dean looks nervous, speaks hesitantly.

DEAN OF STUDENTS: Your club’sss abolished. You can’t have posters promoting it.

Luz listens from a distance, horrified.

ELLIE: But you told me we were reinstated after some radicals left and we agreed to avoid controversy.

DEAN OF STUDENTS: No I didn’t.

ELLIE: Yes, you did.

DEAN OF STUDENTS: No, I didn’t. And my hands are tied. You can’t have meetings, events, or club trips.

Ellie, hands on hips, huffs at the Dean.

ELLIE: I’d like to know who’s tying your hands behind your back.

DEAN OF STUDENTS: (he’s lying) No one. Rules are rules. The club violated them.

ELLIE: What rules?

DEAN OF STUDENTS: They’re in the handbook of college club rules. You can make an appointment with my secretary and come see the handbook… But she’ll be busy the next couple of weeks. [Anticipatory Dialogue – this will delay or kill the club]

ELLIE: You know, McGee University needs an eco club to get Campus Go-Green certified. The man upstairs’ll get mad if he finds out it’s abolished. [Creating a Future/Prediction – also humorous, since in earlier seen the librarian used this tact to try and get Ellie to stop fishing paper from the recycling bin to make flyers, saying the same thing]

The Dean looks worried. [small cliffhanger – who is the man upstairs and what will he do or not do?]

DEAN OF STUDENTS: I-I didn’t know.

ELLIE: You can make an appointment and talk to him about it.

The Dean gawks shock, then walks away.

LUZ: Good show, Ellie. But who’s this man upstairs anyway. [Mystery]

ELLIE: No idea. The Library Dean?… President Garcia?… God?

LUZ: Now whadda we do about the turtle trip? [implied dilemma]

ELLIE: Skip the posters. Let’s go hand out flyers near the library and grab some Phi-Phi-Phi lemonade.

LUZ: But I’m scared. [anticipatory dialogue]

ELLIE: Of what? La Llorona? El Cucuy? [humor]

LUZ: That, too. But what if– [humor topper; anticipatory dialogue]

ELLIE: What? They abolish us?

LUZ: (nods bravely) Okay, then we can hand ’em out on the business and engineering side, æ [as in add, jesting]. [creating a future]

ELLIE: No way. My temper won’t hold.

LUZ: But they need your salsa in their face.

ELLIE: My guess, it’s someone from that side that’s behind our problems. [mystery, something unseen]

Eek-faced they grab their bags and head down the walkway.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

After seeing that Sawyer Conned scene and Max Technique pointers, I fixed up my scene at bit – the following (and some more not posted here):

EXT. CAMPUS WALKWAY – DAY

Pillars on the covered walkway with event posters, including:

>> ØØØ (Phi Phi Phi) Frat’s lemonade stand, Library Plaza
>> Anime Club poster, an ANIME PIZZA SLICE IN A MOUTH
>> many others

The back of a MAN (50s), well dressed, posters under one arm, cuts the strings to THE TURTLE TRIP POSTER. It falls to the ground. He puts it under his arms and heads down the path.

FOUR PILLARS AWAY

Ellie wipes her sweaty brow…

———-

Thought this would be more of a hook and something unseen or mystery….

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is this exercise really helps elevate the drama.

I added a new introduction scene a couple of days ago and rearranged other setup scenes (all of which demand serious rewriting), so I now have thought up a lot more challenges to be added that also help bring out the characters’ core traits while creating more exciting drama and humor.

===========================================

SCENE 1 (a new opening scene in screenplay):

A. CURRENT SCENE LOGLINE: In the college library Ellie and Luz fish out paper from recycling bin to reuse for flyers, while Jim on cell passes and smiles at Ellie — Luz responds, Ellie doesn’t see him. Then Jim frowns as Uncle Fred lays into him.

B. ESSENCE: Introducing Ellie and Jim with some of their core traits, goals/needs, story setups.

C. BRAINSTORM LIST OF POSSIBLE CHALLENGES to Ellie and Jim (the 2 protags)

ELLIE:

– GOAL/VALUE: librarian gives her a tougher time, pointing out that paper is for recycling, pulling the paper from her hands — tough-of-war (PHYSICAL, also HUMOROUS), while Ellie tries to explain that reuse is a higher principle than recycle.

– NEEDS: Luz tries to get Ellie interested in romance or mentions how some guy (Jim) is giving her the eye; Ellie denies her need for such relationships, they only obstruct doing what needs to be done and cause misery (subtext re father abandonment WOUND). Ellie: please, I don’t need complications. The place is crawling with creeps, full of sex maniacs. Luz: It’s a college campus, Ellie. Nothing better than a quiet library pick-up…..

– GOAL of promoting eco-actions: Instead of Ellie suggesting she go arrange for the off-grid ranch trip (doubting she can arrange it), Luz asks her to go and Ellie tries to explain there’s no hope (WOUND – eco-despair, father abandonment would). Luz: can you see about a trip to the ranch. E: I don’t think he’ll agree. L: why not. I mean, after all you do for him… E: I don’t know, that’s just the way he is – gets upset at the slightest thing…. Or don’t want to upset him… more than necessary. L: what’s his problem. E: I don’t know. MAYBE JIM hears about off-grid (at this point in the script, rather than a couple of scene later), perks up with interest??? Ellie reluctantly ends up agreeing to go to the ranch to try…

JIM:

– PHYSICAL: Jim tries to get E’s attention, stumbles, circles around, she keeps her head down sorting the used paper. Ellie: has the creep gone?? Luz: He’s a good-looker, Ellie….

– WOUND: on cell with Uncle Fred – frowns, tries to protest, librarian shakes finger at him for talking. Jim (with tinge of grief): Dad would not have said/done that…. (setup/mystery)

– GOAL of attracting Ellie, then defying uncle: Jim ends up in defeat joining Mack in next carrel. Jim: just not my day….

D. QUICK SUMMARY of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Will incorporate the used paper struggle between Ellie and the librarian, and Jim struggling to see Ellie, and perhaps some others from above.

E. NEW SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie struggles with getting used paper for eco-club flyers and overcoming reluctance to arrange the off-grid ranch trip, while Jim struggles trying to attract Ellie, then defying his uncle. Ellie succeeds, Jim fails.

==============================================================

SCENE 2 (this is most of Scene 6 moved to Scene 2):

A. CURRENT SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie tries to get her Great-uncle Layo to allow the Eco Club to visit his off-grid ranch, but he refuses.

B. ESSENCE: Introduces obstinate, misanthrope Layo (with serious wounds from the past) and his whacky off-grid ranch, and shows Ellie’s loving but difficult relationship with him.

C. BRAINSTORM LIST OF POSSIBLE CHALLENGES

– WOUND – Layo brings up something about her no-good father (triggering her father abandonment wound)

– GOAL: Ellie wants to help save the Earth but doubts her commitment to help Layo on his off-grid ranch will do anything re that goal (or even his goal to save the earth)

– NEED: Ellie needs love and family; Layo, an misanthrope, needs love and family… but he is warping and obstructing that need in her. He accuses her of planning to marry and leave him to die alone on his ranch… to which she vehemently disagrees, professing her commitment to help him, that his alt energy inventions are important, tho they both know he is refusing to sell or share them (GOAL, thwarted GOAL) – humorous catch-22.

VALUES: Layo selfishly expects Ellie to give up everything to help him AND blame her for not buying him Cheapo Mercado toilet paper because it’s better for his methane disgester, even tho it dissolves when he wipes his butt, which he constantly complains about.

PHYSICAL: Ellie gets to the ranch but searches and searches, calling Tio; he never responds and she finally finds him on the human hamster wheel, totally ignoring her.

D. QUICK SUMMARY of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Will use bring in Ellie’s commitment to live on the ranch and help with it, but doubts that will do much to help save the earth. Will increase the struggle and argument between Ellie and Layo. Not sure if bringing up her father will work here, but will try and see (note: it comes out in Act 4 that Layo was in part responsible for her father leaving her mother and her).

E. NEW SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie struggles with her obstinate, misanthropic Great-uncle Layo to arrange an Eco Club visit to his off-grid ranch, which he refuses by excoriating her for not bringing flimsy toilet paper.

==========================

SCENE 3 series (original Scene 1, now Scene 3):

A. CURRENT SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie and Luz try to get others interested in the turtle trip and potentially in joining the Eco Club and doing things to help save the earth. But they fail.

B. ESSENCE: Ellie’s eco-despair is partly justified and the weather is unusually hot for mid-September

C. BRAINSTORM LIST OF POSSIBLE CHALLENGES

– WOUND – When students rebuff Ellie and Luz’s attempts to get students interested in the turtle trip and other eco-issues her eco-despair opens up into her father abandonment despair

– GOAL: bigger struggle between Ellie/Luz vs. other students. Struggle between Ellie & Luz??

– PHYSICAL: ?? some authority comes and tears down their poster (?? They didn’t get permission) – they plead with him, almost a fight. They didn’t get permission because they knew it would be denied…. the club has not yet been reinstated. It’s scheduled to be reinstated in 4 days on Friday (the day before the turtle trip).

VALUES: following rules vs. saving the whole world

D. QUICK SUMMARY of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

E. NEW SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie and Luz work against the rules and the Dean of Students to try and get more Eco Club members.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Full-out Characters

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that I not only need to put character traits in more and more of the dialogue and action, but also ramp up those character traits.

I’m posting this rather soon because I’m going away for a few days, so I’ll be thinking up more ways to ramp up those traits.

============================

ELLIE (protag in WEATHERING IT, a Rom-Com)

LOGLINE: Two college students struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

CURRENT PROFILE:

– somber (from eco-despair, father abandonment)

– committed to saving the earth (and helping Great-uncle Layo on his off-grid ranch), but feels hopeless

– doesn’t want to hurt others (or be hurt)

– thinks she has and anger problem and fears it

– avoids romantic involvement

– unsure of herself

SUBTEXT: Ellie is striving to avoid relationships in order fulfill her commitment to helping the uncle on his off-grid ranch so she can help save the earth.

REVISED PROFILE:

– somber (from eco-despair, father abandonment)

– suffers panic attacks from loud cacophonous noise (crashing, smashing, clattering)

– committed to saving the earth (and helping Great-uncle Layo on his off-grid ranch), but feels hopeless

……………..(she actually wants to hide from the world, be a hermit like him)

– doesn’t want to hurt others (or be hurt), or turn people off from eco-actions

– but has an anger and sassy problem

– avoids romantic involvement, pent up desires

– apostate – angry that religion is eco-hypocritical, promoting empty messages of hope and joy (her Uncle Rudy is a pastor and Jim a congregant)

SUBTEXT: Ellie is striving to avoid relationships against her pent up DESIRE in order to hide from the world on her uncle’s ranch, contrary to her goal of helping to save the earth.

============================================

JIM (protag in WEATHERING IT, a Rom-Com)

CURRENT PROFILE:

– playful & a joker

– dislikes his obligation to work at his uncle’s oil engineering consultancy

….. but loves his mother & won’t disappoint her

– prides himself on his prowess with women

– joker

– intelligent, well educated in engineering

– churchgoer (at insistence of his mother)

SUBTEXT: Jim is having fun before he has to go work for his uncle, but falls seriously in love with Ellie and has to finesse her again and again to get her.

REVISED PROFILE:

– playful and a joker, covering a deep sorrow for losing his father

– hates his obligation to work at his uncle’s oil engineering consultancy

….. but loves his mother & won’t disappoint her

– concerned about his friends, wants to help them

– intelligent, well educated in engineering

– churchgoer (at insistence of his mother)

– past girlfriends, never really fell in love

– sincere

– suicidal (will only come out in one scene)

– seems up and positive… then later falls into despair (as Ellie buds hope)

SUBTEXT: Jim is having fun, joking around, covering his father loss and dreaded obligation to work for his uncle, but Ellie, for whom he falls hard, introduces him to serious issues that puts him in a tailspin from happy-go-lucky to eco-despair.

=======================================

ISHI (protag in THE VENUSIAN CHRONICLES, a sci-fi)

LOGLINE: When the discovery of a spaceship wreck on the Moon strikes people with fear of invasion, a meek Venusian professor must reveal his true identity to stop vigilante attacks on innocent people and steer Earth away from the fate that ended life on Venus.

CURRENT PROFILE:

– He’s a descendant of Venusians who came to Earth 6 million years ago, passing as human

– timid and afraid of outing himself, which would also out his 94-year-old grandmother (they are the last surviving Venusians)

– concerned about his grandmother and others, including his research assistant, Julie

– wants to help save the earth from climate catastrophe, as happened on Venus

– intelligent, well educated, a linguist with artistic talent

SUBTEXT: Ishi is dithering about publishing his works which will out him and his grandmother, and perhaps put Julie off.

REVISED PROFILE:

– He’s a descendant of Venusians who came to Earth 6 million years ago, passing as human

– wants to help save the earth from climate catastrophe, as happened on Venus

– but won’t publish his 500-page monograph (explaining what happened on Venus and their history on earth) that could help that goal, because it would out his 94-year-old grandmother (they are the last surviving Venusians) and likely put her life at risk

– concerned about his grandmother and others, including his research assistant, Julie

– loves Julie, but figures he could never marry (he’s phenotypically like a human, but genotypically quite different) and SUFFERS from that unfulfilled love (she also loves him and he has to put her off).

– intelligent, well educated, a linguist with artistic talent

– HATES bigoted/sexist bullies, like Dean Olin, but fears losing his professorship and having to move his elderly grandmother.

– subtext SASSY

– on the horns of so many dilemmas until “Space Alien Vigilantes” (like scared, racist militia guys) start killing innocent people they think are space aliens; that forces him to act, and he does ACT!

SUBTEXT: Ishi thought of living a hidden life, but that blew up with the Venusian spaceship discovery and scared vigilantes killing people they think are Venusians; Ishi takes responsibility and control of his life to stop that and inform people of the grave harms from climate change, which destroyed all of life on Venus.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I posted this on 9, and am posting it again here for feedback exchange:

=============

LOGLINE: Geek John dares to confront the most dangerous bully in school to get back his USB with his whole life on it.

ESSENCE: John needs to prove himself to himself and his father.

=================

EXT. SCHOOL YARD – DAY

Students milling around during lunch break. JOHN (17), a gangly geek with sunken chest and coke bottle glasses, approaches geek RHINO (17).

JOHN: Hey, Rhino, do you know where Nick is?

RHINO: Switchblade Nick? Why in blue blazes would you want to find him, John? [suspense, fear]

JOHN: I think it’s his gang that stole my flash drive. [fear]

RHINO: (incredulous) You didn’t make a back-up?

JOHN: Been busy with vidoeing my Harvard interview. I, uh, forgot. [fear] (whines) And I can’t put anything on my laptop, the way my Mom is. [distrusts] And as Dad lays it into me I’m not anywhere near sports scholarship material.

RHINO: Look, Switchblade’ll kill you just for looking at him cross-eyed. [suspense, fear, set-up 1]

JOHN: I-I’m not afraid. I’ve known that big bully since second grade when I was three inches taller than him and he looked up to me. [set-up 2] (off Rhino’s worry) My whole life is on that drive. I need it to get into college AND get an academic scholarship. It’s live brave or die a coward. Or is that live a coward or die brave? [daring]

RHINO: Playing too many Nathan Drake video games, huh? (off John’s “oh brother” face) Okay, I saw him go into the gym with his gang. You’d better take a guard or teacher with you. Or both. [fear, suspense]

JOHN: I have to do this alone. [loner]

Rhino, gaping mouth, goes wide-eyed with fear. [suspense, fear]

JOHN (CONT’D): They’re all afraid of him. I can’t trust them to help and they’d just stop me from going. [distrusts]

RHINO: I’d go with you, but-but… I have to practice for the scrabble tournament…

JOHN: No problem, Bud, but thanks anyway… And I’ll be there tomorrow to back you at the tournament. [loyal]

RHINO: (eek) If it’s live for you and not die. [suspense, fear]

John heads toward the gym, sees COACH (40s) in sportswear with cap and whistle on the way. John pauses to speak MOS with him. Coach shakes his head “no,” listens, then nods “yes.” [intrigue, set-up 3]

John heads into

INT. THE GYM – DAY

Shooting baskets are TWO HOMEBOYS (15, 16). Burly SWITCHBLADE NICK (17) watches tough-faced.

NICK: Okay, five free shots. Winner gets the fake Rolex. [giving]

He opens his jacket, revealing various stolen items, including the fake Rolex. The boys line up and start shooting.

In the corner are TWO OTHER DEADBEAT HOMEBOYS and purple-haired ANGEL (15), a home girl, their lunch trash strewn about. Other than those few the huge gym is empty.

John peeks in then enters nervously, tries to strut out his sunken chest. Nick notes him with a sneer of expectation. [confident] John approaches him, carefully skirting the basketball players. [fear; no authorities around]

JOHN: Seems I, uh, misplaced my flash drive. D’ya know where it might be?

NICK: You don’t have a backup?

John shakes his head no. Nick give him a nasty TSK.

NICK: Nope, no idea.

Nick pokes his finger into John’s chest. [fear]

NICK: You shouldn’t leave valuable things like that in your back pocket. I mean, five terabytes. No telling who may have paid that pickpocket big bucks for it. [subtext: Nick has it or know where it is. Suspense/fear – is it gone forever or erased? Will John fight Nick for it?]

JOHN: (scrunches his face) Look, I could maybe offer to buy it back. [hope]

NICK: No deal. What I want is something much more. Like getting the school to lay off me and my boys here, and girl. They keep gunning for us. And we want free range of the gym during lunch break, no harassment for booze at school events, and no police interference. [Conniving]

JOHN: How can I do that? [fear he can’t produce]

NICK: Since Vice Principle Ferguson is your dad, it shouldn’t be hard.

JOHN: I don’t know. Dad’s the type who would blow my drive just to retaliate against you, but I’m sure I could get Coach to take care of those matters. He’d do anything for me, thinking I have influence on Dad… who’s getting upset with Coach because of all our football losses.

NICK: You drive a hard bargain, Geekling, but back to buying it AND getting Coach to take care of those matters. Afterall, I need to provide something for my homeboys. [giving] Especially for Angel, since she got it from your pocket when Alfie distracted you, and she still has it.

Angel takes the drive and waves it in the distance. John looks at her with a satisfied grin.

JOHN: (squeaky voice) No deal and I’m calling the police. [character change; fear – can they get there in time to stop the fight?]

Nick shoves John, who nearly falls backward.

NICK: You’re a fool. Straight “A”s and so stupid. Do you know what we can do to you? Who do you think hoisted Hammerhead Jerkins up the flagpole? [fear]

JOHN: Go ahead, slug me. [Surprise, fear, character change]

NICK: (fake meek) I don’t want to fight you, Bro… and get juvie. [character change]

JOHN: What? You don’t hit guys with glasses?

John takes off his glasses and pockets them. His eyes going CGI-BOING CROSS-EYED.

JOHN: There…

Nick sees John’s crazy eyes and slowly builds up to crazy angry. [fear, pay-off to set-up 1] In the bokeh background–a direction we have not viewed until now–some FIGURES stand in the shadow at the far exit. [pay-off 2? Hope?] Nick flips out in rage and slugs John in the gut.

John reels in pain, then as the background figures march forward he takes out his glasses, wipes them and puts them back on. It’s Coach and TWO POLICEMEN.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> [hope; pay-off 2] Policeman 1 goes to Nick, cuffs him. Nick looks daggers at John. [betrayal]

COACH: Good work, John. Are you hurt?

JOHN: Never felt better. But for the record, (fake crying) he hit me hard. I think I have internal bleeding.

COACH: We’ve been trying to collar these slick miscreants for years. Your Dad’ll be so proud of you… You should join a police academy. Harvard, pooff.

Policeman 2 retrieves the flash drive from Angel, waves it to John, then cuffs her.

JOHN: (to himself with pride) John Nathan Drake!

He pulls a yes-fist.

As Nick is being led out, he looks back at John and whimpers.

NICK: We were friends. We used to catch pollywogs together in second grade! What happened, Bro? [character change; conniving]

JOHN: They turned into frogs?… (relents) Look, uh, Bro, I’m not really hurt at all. I’ll tell ‘em that, okay. [pay-off 2, loyal; twist]

NICK: And my girl. I think she’s carrying my baby.

JOHN: Your baby, huh?… Okay, Bro, I loaned it to her to help with that history assignment.

The policemen shake their heads, and Coach throws up his hands and whirls around in defeat.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Critiquing my own scene:

As per Hal’s final suggestions for the western scene, I realized mine was sorta like that scene in that the whole school had been afraid of Nick and gang, so while John gave in at the twist ending out of loyalty to his childhood friend, Nick, he did bring the whole school together. And that can be show by a bigger confrontation with teachers and maybe other victim-students entering from all entrances to surround gang members trying to flee.

And since it’s a comedy, one gang guy seeing a dowdy teacher enter could get really scared: “It’s Miss Hummerbill, and I haven’t done that history assignment yet!”

Might take the time to redo this, if I have time.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

LOGLINE: Geek John dares to confront the most dangerous bully in school to get back his USB with his whole life on it.

ESSENCE: John needs to prove himself to himself and his father.

EXT. SCHOOL YARD – DAY

Students milling around during lunch break. JOHN (17), a gangly geek with sunken chest and coke bottle glasses, approaches geek RHINO (17).

JOHN: Hey, Rhino, do you know where Nick is?

RHINO: Switchblade Nick? Why in blue blazes would you want to find him, John? [suspense, fear]

JOHN: I think it’s his gang that stole my flash drive. [fear]

RHINO: (incredulous) You didn’t make a back-up?

JOHN: Been busy with vidoeing my Harvard interview. I, uh, forgot. [fear] (whines) And I can’t put anything on my laptop, the way my Mom is. [distrusts] And as Dad lays it into me I’m not anywhere near sports scholarship material.

RHINO: Look, Switchblade’ll kill you just for looking at him cross-eyed. [suspense, fear, set-up 1]

JOHN: I-I’m not afraid. I’ve known that big bully since second grade when I was three inches taller than him and he looked up to me. [set-up 2] (off Rhino’s worry) My whole life is on that drive. I need it to get into college AND get an academic scholarship. It’s live brave or die a coward. Or is that live a coward or die brave? [daring]

RHINO: Playing too many Nathan Drake video games, huh? (off John’s “oh brother” face) Okay, I saw him go into the gym with his gang. You’d better take a guard or teacher with you. Or both. [fear, suspense]

JOHN: I have to do this alone. [loner]

Rhino, gaping mouth, goes wide-eyed with fear. [suspense, fear]

JOHN (CONT’D): They’re all afraid of him. I can’t trust them to help and they’d just stop me from going. [distrusts]

RHINO: I’d go with you, but-but… I have to practice for the scrabble tournament…

JOHN: No problem, Bud, but thanks anyway… And I’ll be there tomorrow to back you at the tournament. [loyal]

RHINO: (eek) If it’s live for you and not die. [suspense, fear]

John heads toward the gym, sees COACH (40s) in sportswear with cap and whistle on the way. John pauses to speak MOS with him. Coach shakes his head “no,” listens, then nods “yes.” [intrigue, set-up 3]

John heads into

INT. THE GYM – DAY

Shooting baskets are TWO HOMEBOYS (15, 16). Burly SWITCHBLADE NICK (17) watches tough-faced.

NICK: Okay, five free shots. Winner gets the fake Rolex. [giving]

He opens his jacket, revealing various stolen items, including the fake Rolex. The boys line up and start shooting.

In the corner are TWO OTHER DEADBEAT HOMEBOYS and purple-haired ANGEL (15), a home girl, their lunch trash strewn about. Other than those few the huge gym is empty.

John peeks in then enters nervously, tries to strut out his sunken chest. Nick notes him with a sneer of expectation. [confident] John approaches him, carefully skirting the basketball players. [fear; no authorities around]

JOHN: Seems I, uh, misplaced my flash drive. D’ya know where it might be?

NICK: You don’t have a backup?

John shakes his head no. Nick give him a nasty TSK.

NICK: Nope, no idea.

Nick pokes his finger into John’s chest. [fear]

NICK: You shouldn’t leave valuable things like that in your back pocket. I mean, five terabytes. No telling who may have paid that pickpocket big bucks for it. [subtext: Nick has it or know where it is. Suspense/fear – is it gone forever or erased? Will John fight Nick for it?]

JOHN: (scrunches his face) Look, I could maybe offer to buy it back. [hope]

NICK: No deal. What I want is something much more. Like getting the school to lay off me and my boys here, and girl. They keep gunning for us. And we want free range of the gym during lunch break, no harassment for booze at school events, and no police interference. [Conniving]

JOHN: How can I do that? [fear he can’t produce]

NICK: Since Vice Principle Ferguson is your dad, it shouldn’t be hard.

JOHN: I don’t know. Dad’s the type who would blow my drive just to retaliate against you, but I’m sure I could get Coach to take care of those matters. He’d do anything for me, thinking I have influence on Dad… who’s getting upset with Coach because of all our football losses.

NICK: You drive a hard bargain, Geekling, but back to buying it AND getting Coach to take care of those matters. Afterall, I need to provide something for my homeboys. [giving] Especially for Angel, since she got it from your pocket when Alfie distracted you, and she still has it.

Angel takes the drive and waves it in the distance. John looks at her with a satisfied grin.

JOHN: (squeaky voice) No deal and I’m calling the police. [character change; fear – can they get there in time to stop the fight?]

Nick shoves John, who nearly falls backward.

NICK: You’re a fool. Straight “A”s and so stupid. Do you know what we can do to you? Who do you think hoisted Hammerhead Jerkins up the flagpole? [fear]

JOHN: Go ahead, slug me. [Surprise, fear, character change]

NICK: (fake meek) I don’t want to fight you, Bro… and get juvie. [character change]

JOHN: What? You don’t hit guys with glasses?

John takes off his glasses and pockets them. His eyes going CGI-BOING CROSS-EYED.

JOHN: There…

Nick sees John’s crazy eyes and slowly builds up to crazy angry. [fear, pay-off to set-up 1] In the bokeh background–a direction we have not viewed until now–some FIGURES stand in the shadow at the far exit. [pay-off 2? Hope?] Nick flips out in rage and slugs John in the gut.

John reels in pain, then as the background figures march forward he takes out his glasses, wipes them and puts them back on. It’s Coach and TWO POLICEMEN.<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> [hope; pay-off 2] Policeman 1 goes to Nick, cuffs him. Nick looks daggers at John. [betrayal]

COACH: Good work, John. Are you hurt?

JOHN: Never felt better. But for the record, (fake crying) he hit me hard. I think I have internal bleeding.

COACH: We’ve been trying to collar these slick miscreants for years. Your Dad’ll be so proud of you… You should join a police academy. Harvard, pooff.

Policeman 2 retrieves the flash drive from Angel, waves it to John, then cuffs her.

JOHN: (to himself with pride) John Nathan Drake!

He pulls a yes-fist.

As Nick is being led out, he looks back at John and whimpers.

NICK: We were friends. We used to catch pollywogs together in second grade! What happened, Bro? [character change]

JOHN: They turned into frogs?… (relents) Look, uh, Bro, I’m not really hurt at all. I’ll tell ‘em that, okay. [pay-off 2, loyal; twist]

NICK: And my girl. I think she’s carrying my baby.

JOHN: Your baby, huh?… Okay, Bro, I loaned it to her to help with that history assignment.

The policemen shake their heads, and Coach throws up his hands and whirls around in defeat.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

LOGLINE: Geek John dares to confront the most dangerous bully in school, to get back his USB with his whole life on it.

ESSENCE: John confronts Nick to find out some information about something valuable or important.

EXT. SCHOOL YARD – DAY

Students milling around during lunch break. JOHN (17), a gangly geek with sunken chest and coke bottle glasses, approaches geek RHINO (17).

JOHN: Hey, Rhino, do you know where Nick is?

RHINO: Switchblade Nick? Why would you want to find him, John? [suspense, fear]

JOHN: I think it’s his gang that stole my flash drive. [fear]

RHINO: (incredulous) You didn’t make a back-up?

JOHN: Been busy with vidoeing my Harvard interview. I, uh, forgot. [fear] (whines) And I can’t put anything on my laptop at home, the way my Mom is. [distrusts]

RHINO: Look, he’ll kill you just for looking at him cross-eyed. [suspense, fear, set-up 1]

JOHN: I-I’m not afraid. My whole life is on that drive. It’s live or die. [daring]

RHINO: Playing too many Nathan Drake video games, huh? (off John’s “oh brother” face) Okay, I saw him go into the gym with his gang, their usual lunch hideout. (beat) You’d better take a guard or teacher with you. Or both. [fear, suspense]

JOHN: I have to do this alone. [loner] (off Rhino’s wide-eyed fear) You know they’re all afraid of him. But thanks, Bud. And I’ll be there tomorrow to back you at championship scrabble. [loyal]

RHINO: If it’s live for you and not die. [suspense, fear]

John heads toward the gym, but pauses to speak MOS with the COACH in coach-wear on the way. Coach nods. [intrigue, set-up 2]

Then John heads into

INT. THE GYM – DAY

Shooting baskets are TWO HOMEBOYS (15, 16). Burly SWITCHBLADE NICK (17) watches sour-faced. In the corner are TWO OTHER DEADBEAT HOMEBOYS and purple-haired ANGEL (15), a home girl, their lunch trash strewn about. Other than those few the huge gym is empty.

John peeks in then enters nervously, tries to strut out his sunken chest. Nick notes him with a sneer of expectation. [confident] John approaches him, carefully skirting the basketball players. [fear; no authorities around]

JOHN: Seems I, uh, misplaced my flash drive. D’ya know where it might be?

NICK: You don’t have a backup?

John shakes his head no. Nick give him a nasty TSK.

NICK: Nope, no idea.

Nick pokes his finger into John’s chest. [fear]

NICK: You shouldn’t leave valuable things like that in your back pocket. I mean, five terabytes. No telling who may have paid that pickpocket big bucks for it. [subtext: Nick has it or know where it is. Suspense/fear – is it gone forever or erased? Will John fight Nick for it?]

JOHN: (scrunches his face) Look, I could maybe offer to buy it back. [hope]

NICK: No deal. What I want is something much more. Like getting the school to lay off me and my boys here, and girl. They keep gunning for us. And we want free range of the gym during lunch break, no harassment for booze at school events, and no police interference. [Conniving]

JOHN: How can I do that? [fear he can’t produce]

NICK: Since Vice Principle Ferguson is your dad, it shouldn’t be hard.

JOHN: I don’t know. Dad’s the type who would blow my drive just to retaliate, but I’m sure I could get Coach to take care of those matters. He’d do anything for me, thinking I have influence on Dad… who’s getting upset with Coach because of our football losses.

NICK: You drive a hard bargain, but back to buying it AND getting Coach to take care of it. Afterall, I need to provide something for my homeboys. [giving] Especially for Angel, since she got it from your pocket when Alfie distracted you, and she still has it.

Angel takes the drive and waves it at John in the background. John looks at her with a satisfied grin.

JOHN: No deal and I’m calling the police. [fear – can they get there in time to stop the fight?]

Nick shoves John, who nearly falls backward.

NICK: You’re a brave fool. Do you know what we can do to you? [fear]

JOHN: Go ahead, slug me. [Surprise, fear, character change]

NICK: I don’t want to fight you and get canned. [character change]

JOHN: What, you don’t hit guys wearing glasses?

John takes them off his glasses and pockets them. His eyes going BOING CROSS-EYED.

JOHN: There…

Nick sees John’s crazy eyes and builds up to crazy angry. [fear, pay-off to set-up 1] In the bokeh background–a direction we have not viewed until now–some FIGURES stand in the shadow at the far exit. [pay-off 2?] Nick loses control and slugs John in the gut.

John reels in pain, then takes out his glasses, wipes them and puts them back on.

The background figures march forward. Coach and TWO POLICEMEN. [hope; pay-off 2] Policeman 1 goes to Nick, cuffs him.

COACH: Good work, John. Are you hurt?

JOHN: Never felt better. But for the record, (fake crying) he hit me bad.

COACH: We’ve been trying to collar these slick miscreants for years. You should join a police academy. Harvard, pooff.

Policeman 2 retrieves the flash drive from Angel, waves it to John, then cuffs her.

JOHN: (to himself with pride) John Nathan Drake.

He pulls a yes-fist.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Fight Scene, 4th Draft, for exchange

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that Hal’s and other critiques and scenes really helped me get into not only the character traits, but also the interest techniques. Thanks to Brenda, I’ve fixed up most of her areas of concern. However, I ended with more pages than I’d planned.

And… this was actually fun once I got into the swing of it.

============================

EXT. RANCH – DAY – ESTABLISHING

Arial view of a two-hundred-acre ranch in a green valley. Pastures, white fences, horses, a mansion and barn. Cars parked in a field, cars arriving near the mansion.

A huge party-dressed CROWD milling about the ranch yard near the mansion and barn.

EXT. RANCH YARD AND MANSION – DAY

The yard and wrap-around verandah of the mansion are decorated for a helluva celebration.

JOHN (80), the center of it, sits in an ornate chair on the verandah with a dominance smile. OTHERS fawn over him. It’s his 80th birthday. A multi-layered birthday cake on a table below the verandah awaits the ritual with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN” on it.

A Benz arrives. The CHAFFUER slips out, opens the rear door as the ranch VALET slides into the driver’s seat. MARGOT FORTIER (71), a raging beauty in her youth, clothed in opulence, emerges from the car. From the other side emerges TRENT MORGAN (29), dressed to kill. The Valet drives the car away.

Trent search-looks, spots, and sours on ROBERT MORGAN (26) [slight fear–he’s negative on Robert; slight suspense he may do something against Robert or to spoil the party]

TEN YARDS AWAY

the center of a CLIQUE OF FIVE. Robert pumping hands and laughing with TWO MORE joining his clique. [gregarious]

A WOMAN (45) commandeers Robert and as he turns to her he sees Trent and Margot joining the bash in the distance. He frowns, then pastes a smile for the woman. [change in character; fear bad dealings with Trent and/or Margot; slight suspense]

SOME OTHERS in his group also notice the arrival.

WOMAN: So what are your plans, Robert? For the estate?

Robert glances over at John on the verandah, then at Margot weaving slowly there, greeting WELL-WISHERS on the way. And then at Trent, headed into the crowd.

Robert refocuses on the woman.

ROBERT: Granddad’s as healthy as a marathon runner.

WOMAN: That’s not what we heard, Robert. In fact, I think it was you who told Clarice about the terminal cancer… And people in the valley would like to know your plans for his estate. [gossips]

His group looks at him expectantly.

ROBERT: (sly smile). I don’t plan ahead… [secretive] But did you hear about Margot Fortier? [gossips]

WOMAN: forever and ever.

ROBERT: No, something new. Seems she has a-a keep, I guess you’d call him.

A MAN in his group who also noticed Margot arrive with Trent speaks up.

MAN: Manstress? Yeh, that’s new. I guess you mean your brother, Trent, I surmise?

ROBERT: Half-brother and not the better half. [fresh gossip about Margot, implicating Trent]

CHUCKLES.

WOMAN: A 70s-something woman! And so soon after her husband’s passing. (TSK)

Robert glance-frowns at Trent, who’s been waylaid by ANDREW (40s).

TRENT AND ANDREW

Trent replies to the Andrew out of Robert’s earshot. Andrew looks with pity on Trent.

TRENT: Yes, Andrew, the Duchene Investment WAS a great idea, on the way to success, then someone, someone I know well (daggers at Robert) botched it. I lost a lot of money, but that’ll never happen again. [lost money, needy for other people’s investments]

Andrew notes Trent’s obvious implication of Robert and looks over at Robert. Then Trent and Robert exchange fake smiles and Robert waves Andrew to come join his group.

TRENT: (to Andrew) I’m developing a new startup on the other coast, totally secured. I could keep you in the loop if–

ANDREW: (to Trent) Excuse me.

Andrew leaves and drifts over to Robert’s group. Trent grinds his teeth. [fear/suspense]

ON THE VERANDAH

Margot greets John, who arises to give her a brief kiss. He’s all smiles for her, but shakes his head, when he sees his handsome but haggard ranch hand, GEORGE (41), sneak off into the TACK ROOM attached to the barn with a half scotch bottle. Margot follows his line of vision and smiles.

MARGOT: George does deserve a break. (turns to John) There’s an interesting new development, John…

TRENT

sees URSULA (25), svelte and aloof, pass near Robert’s group.

He strides toward her.

TRENT: (calls out) Ursula!

ROBERT watches Ursula pivot away from Trent, head held high, and smiles smugly.

Trent with forced smile approaches Robert, emotions conflicted.

TRENT: Hey, Robert!

ROBERT: Hey, Trent! Didn’t expect you here.

On Robert’s face, guilt. And his clique, apprehensive, as Trent joins them.

TRENT: You mean, you hoped I wouldn’t come after certain, uh, happenings… or mishappenings. [fear, subtext accusation]

Robert is closed faced. Trent puts on a stiff smile.

TRENT: But Margot insisted I accompany her.

Robert’s clique shakes their heads knowingly.

ROBERT: The Dame Margot Fortier. When will you give it up?

TRENT: I don’t scam, if that’s what you mean. People, especially the rich, (turns to the clique) like you folks here, want to make more money. They find my investments attractive. And regarding Margot, I’m doing detective work for her. Pro bono. [fear, need to defuse with smooth]

ROBERT: Yeh, sure. But it’s only because you’re associated with us and people think you’re rich and successful. (off Trent’s rising anger) And you could be, Trent, with your law degree. You’re smart. (sigh) So you’re here… I guess to get clients for your next venture, or should I say misadventure. [hope] (getting tough) And if that’s the case– [fear]

The clique worries, watching this back-and-forth tennis game of sibling spars.

TRENT: Not at all. I came to celebrate your grandfather’s birthday.

ROBERT: You mean, our grandfather.

TRENT: Maybe step-grandfather, but he doesn’t even think that. But, hey, you guys are the only family I have now. [hope]

ROBERT: (soothing) And you’re my big brother I could never measure up to. In school, in smarts. Granddad even said he wished I’d be more like you. [hope]

The clique at this point slowly disperses.

TRENT: Must have been years ago.

ROBERT: Yeh, when I flunked algebra.

Robert forces A LAUGH, but not Trent.

TRENT: Well, I’m hoping we can be real brothers… Say, where’s our dear ole dad?

ROBERT: In town at the Shamrock, I guess.

TRENT: (TSKs) Stud service, then out to pasture. (sigh) Despite everything, I owe the old coot (head swing to John) for providing a loan for my education. Which I paid off with heavy interest.

ROBERT: With whose money, Trent? [fear]

TRENT: Okay, bro, enough… I want you to see the great gift I have for Granddad. [hope, mislead…]

Trent, cunning smile.

ROBERT: So, where’s this great gift? And who paid for it?

TRENT: In the tack room. Money can’t buy everything.

They head toward the tack room. Robert waves and smiles at GUESTS they pass.

ROBERT: (expecting a flare up) So, you’re not upset about Ursula? [fear]

TRENT: (shrugs) Why should I be? She’s too high and mighty for me. Good she backed out of our engagement, so I didn’t have to. [hope]

ROBERT: I worried you may have taken it hard. (not really) Maybe it was because of Margot?

TRENT: Margot?! She’s like a grandmother. No, Ursula broke a month before I started working for Margot. Guess it was just… incompatibility. But why are you so concerned about my life all of a sudden?

Robert gets a guilty look as they open the door to the tack room.

INT. THE TACK ROOM – DAY

Full of expensive tack, saddles, tools, A SCYTHE. Ranch hand George hears THE DOOR OPEN, hides with his bottle beside a large armoire in the back corner shadow.

The two brothers enter. Robert gives the room a quick eye-search without seeing George, then turns to Trent. [suspense re George & brother conflict, superior position–we know George is there]

ROBERT: So, where’s this great gift that money can’t buy?

TRENT: I’ll show you in a minute. First I want to know why you told Ursula I had cheated my business associates. [fear, suspense – fight?, betrayal]

ROBERT: I didn’t–

TRENT: She told me you did. And you know those were legitimate business ventures that failed.

ROBERT: That’sss … a matter of opinion. I heard from Lindon–

TRENT: The liar. I’m ninety thousand dollars in the hole because someone — I suspect you — botched my latest deal with your vicious gossip.

ROBERT: (incredulous) You’re in the hole?! You mean your backers are in the hole!

Trent borders on furious. Robert rachets down.

ROBERT (CONT’D): (reasonable, calm) So you don’t really have a gift, you just wanted to–

TRENT: No, I do have a gift. Two, actually… First, you granddad and you’ll be glad to know Margot’s staking my new startup on the East Coast– air-tight, you can’t destroy it–but maybe sad I’ll be moving there… What will you do for gossip once I’m gone?

Trent TSKs and shakes his head.

ROBERT: It’ll be good riddance… So what’s this other so-called gift?

TRENT: It’s actually from Margot. Good news, your grandpa has another grandson. [surprise, reveal]

ROBERT: What the hell–

TRENT: Yeh, you know all that gossip about Margot, how she broke her leg, gave up ballet, came back home here? Got in trouble?

ROBERT: Yeh, with some ballet dude, like fifty years ago.

TRENT: That’s the only part you gossipers got wrong. [fear]

ROBERT: No way it could be granddad’s. There would have been a paternity suit. [hope]

TRENT: Ever heard of discreet, Robert? No? Well, that’s Margot, and it’s why she wanted me to discuss this with you in private. Plus she has her own estate… [fear]

ROBERT: Doesn’t ring true. Why now after so many decades? Right when granddad’s about to–

TRENT (CONT’D): Croak?… Short story, long: She gave her son up for adoption, got married a few months later, and didn’t bother to search for him until after her husband’s passing. (sassy) Or rather until I brought it up a couple of weeks ago on the hunch those rumors were true. [betrayal, maybe; intrigue] (off Robert’s glare) Surprise! They were, and she asked me to find her son. Then after some persuasion she revealed the real sire. (sardonic) Granddad John Henshaw!

ROBERT: And who is this whelp supposed to be? IF there is one.

TRENT: You know about the Griffins–they had a small cabbage farm nearby. They adopted the boy anonymously.

George in hiding perks up.

ROBERT: No, they said it was the kid of his Texas brother who’d passed. According to what I heard.

TRENT: Maybe to throw people off. Anyway, as fate would have it–

ROBERT: Granddad bought their farm.

TRENT: Cheated them actually. They ended up–

ROBERT: (ho-hum sigh) Working as ranch hands… But I heard their son met with an accident, died. Decades ago.

George hangs his head, sad.

TRENT: Not before marrying and having his own son. Your cousin. Who is alive and well. (beat) He’s George, your ranch hand! [surprise]

George, hiding next to the armoire, shifts, makes A SLIGHT SOUND.

Trent and Robert look over in that direction, but don’t see anything. [fear]

TRENT: Rats. They’re overrunning the estate! Or, should I say running it. [hope]

Robert swings his glare back to Trent.

ROBERT: That’s ludicrous about George! (beat) It-it’ll never hold up in court. The will is set. I’m the only heir.

TRENT: Oh, you’re not happy to have a cousin? Well anyway, it’ll be great to see George get his claws into your granddaddy’s estate with you out of half… or more. With my help, of course, thanks to the great education your granddaddy helped me get. [betrayal]

ROBERT: You, bastard!

TRENT: Ah-ah, slander will get you nowhere. But I doubt it’ll get to court. Margot’s explaining it to John, and I’m sure he’ll be happy to have another grandson.

ROBERT: Granddad loves me. He hates George!

George in the shadow quakes. Robert is fuming mad.

TRENT: Hate? Come on. He loves ole George. Good worker, unlike you.

Robert shoves Trent hard.

TRENT: My final gift for the old coot–

Trent comes back hard and slugs Robert in the face as he speaks.

TRENT (CONT’D): –a bloody nose on his grandson. The bad one.

Robert, nose bloodied, comes back swinging. George remains out of their view.

ROBERT: You rotten cheat. (punches continue) Granddad always said you’re no good.

The fight progresses to serious blows.

Robert starts to best Trent. George peeks. Robert sees him, gets distracted, as Trent delivers a heavy blow that

sends Robert stumbling backwards

into the scythe.

Robert gives a LOUD YELP. [major twist, suspense]

Trent is immobilized in horror. George goes flat against the wall next to the armoire, stiff with palpitating fear. Then Trent rushes to Robert.

TRENT: Bobby. I didn’t mean– [character changes]

He moves Robert, blood gushes from his side. He tries to stanch it with his hand. Robert moves a bit. He’s alive. Barely.

Trent rushes out to the

EXT. RANCH YARD – DAY

TRENT: Help! There’s been an accident! Robert’s hurt himself. We need a doctor.

Guests and John rush toward the tack room, looking past Trent. Trent whirls around, sees George, drunk and dazed, staggering out of the tack room. Trent’s expression turns to utter horror as if seeing a ghost.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Thanks, so much all of you for your feedback. Based on most of it I was able to reduce the scene by going back to the “essence” and cutting out some subplots/backstories. The DNA I sort of solved by Trent saying Margot told him John was the only man in her life at that time… so in later scenes (if this really were a movie) the DNA test would surely come back positive match.

I’m not going to post this again, but get on with reading others’ scenes and giving feedback.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Fight Scene, 3rd Draft UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Just saw some comments & am forging ahead with my 4th draft now….

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Fight Scene, 3rd Draft

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that Hal’s and other critiques and scenes really helped me get into not only the character traits, but also the interest techniques.

============================

EXT. RANCH – DAY – ESTABLISHING

Arial view of a two-hundred-acre ranch in a green valley. Pastures, white fences, horses, a mansion and barn. Cars parked in a field, cars arriving near the mansion.

A huge party-dressed CROWD milling about the ranch yard near the mansion and barn.

EXT. RANCH YARD AND MANSION – DAY

The yard and wrap-around verandah of the mansion are decorated for a helluva celebration.

JOHN (80), the center of it, sits in an ornate chair on the verandah with a dominance smile. OTHERS fawn over him. It’s his 80th birthday. A multi-layered birthday cake on a table below the verandah awaits the ritual with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN” on it.

A Benz arrives. The CHAFFUER slips out, opens the rear door as the ranch VALET slides into the driver’s seat. MARGOT FORTIER (71), a raging beauty in her youth, clothed in opulence, emerges from the car. From the other side emerges TRENT MORGAN (29), dressed to kill. The Valet drives the car away.

Trent search-looks, spots, and sours on ROBERT MORGAN (26)

TEN YARDS AWAY

the center of a CLIQUE OF FIVE. Robert greedily shaking hands with TWO MORE joining his clique.

A WOMAN (45) commandeers Robert and as he turns to her he sees Trent and Margot joining the bash in the distance. He frowns, then pastes a smile for the woman.

SOME OTHERS in his group also notice the arrival.

WOMAN: So what are your plans, Robert? For the estate?

Robert glances over at John on the verandah, then at Margot weaving slowly there, greeting WELL-WISHERS on the way. And then at Trent, headed in the opposite direction enter the TACK ROOM attached to the barn. Robert refocuses on the woman.

ROBERT: Granddad’s as healthy as a marathon runner.

WOMAN: That’s not what we heard, Robert. In fact, I think it was you who told Clarice about the terminal cancer… And people in the valley would like to know your plans for his estate.

His group looks at him expectantly.

ROBERT: (sly smile). I don’t plan ahead… But did you hear about Margot Fortier?

WOMAN: forever and ever.

ROBERT: No, something new. Seems she has a-a keep, I guess you’d call him.

A MAN in his group who also noticed Margot arrive with Trent speaks up.

MAN: Manstress? Yeh, that’s new. I guess you mean your brother, Trent, I surmise?

ROBERT: Half-brother and not the better half.

CHUCKLES.

WOMAN: A 70s-something woman! And so soon after her husband’s passing. (TSK)

Robert glance-frowns at Trent, who now exits the tack room and gets waylaid by ANDREW (40s).

TRENT AND ANDREW

Trent replies to the Andrew out of Robert’s earshot.

TRENT: Yes, Andrew, the Duchene Investment is still open, and the Water Project WAS a great idea. It took me a year to iron out the details. It was on it’s way to success, then someone, someone I know well (daggers at Robert) botched it. Lost a lot of money. But that’ll never happen again. Guaranteed.

Andrew notes Trent’s obvious implication of Robert and looks over at Robert. Then Trent and Robert exchange fake smiles and Robert waves Andrew to come join his group.

TRENT: (to Andrew) And my Duchene Investment is even better, more certain–

ANDREW: (to Trent) Excuse me.

Andrew leaves and drifts over to Robert’s group. Trent grinds his teeth.

ON THE VERANDAH

Margot greets John, who arises to give her a brief kiss. He’s all smiles for her, but shakes his head, amused when he sees his handsome but haggard ranch hand, GEORGE (41), sneak off into the TACK ROOM with a half full scotch bottle. Margot follows his line of vision and smiles.

MARGOT: George deserves a break. (turns to John) There’s an interesting new development, John…

TRENT

sees URSULA (25), svelte and aloof, pass near Robert’s group.

He strides toward her.

TRENT: (calls out) Ursula!

ROBERT watches Ursula pivot away from Trent, head held high, and smiles smugly.

Trent with forced smile approaches Robert, emotions conflicted.

Guilt and worry spreads over Robert’s face.

TRENT: Hey, Robert!

ROBERT: Hey, Trent! Didn’t expect you here.

TRENT: You mean, I wasn’t invited. (off Robert’s closed face) I came as Margot’s guest.

ROBERT: The Dame Margot Fortier. When will you give it up?

TRENT: I don’t scam, if that’s what you mean. People, especially the rich, want to make more money. They find my investments attractive. And I’m doing detective work for Margot. Pro bono.

ROBERT: Yeh, sure. But it’s only because you’re associated with us and people think you’re rich and successful. (off Trent’s rising anger) And you could be, Trent, with your law degree. You’re smart. (sigh) So you’re here… I guess to get clients for your next venture, or should I say misadventure.

TRENT: No, I came to celebrate your grandfather’s birthday.

ROBERT: You mean, our grandfather.

TRENT: Maybe step-grandfather, but he doesn’t even think that. (hard) But, hey, you guys are the only family I have now.

ROBERT: (soothing) And you’re my big brother I could never measure up to. In school, in smarts. Granddad even said he wished I’d be more like you.

TRENT: Must have been years ago.

ROBERT: Yeh, when I flunked algebra.

Robert forces A LAUGH, but not Trent.

TRENT: Well, I’m hoping we can be real brothers… Say, where’s our dear ole dad?

ROBERT: In town at the Shamrock, I guess.

TRENT: (TSKs) Stud service, then out to pasture. (sigh) Despite everything, I owe the old coot (head swing to John) for providing a loan for my education. I want you to see the great gift I have for him.

Trent, cunning smile.

ROBERT: So, where’s this great gift?

TRENT: In the tack room.

Robert waves and smiles at SOME GUESTS.

ROBERT: (expecting a flare up) So, you’re not upset about Ursula?

TRENT: (shrugs) Why should I be? She’s too high and mighty for me. Good she backed out of our engagement, so I didn’t have to.

ROBERT: I worried you may have taken it hard. (not really) Maybe it was because of Margot?

TRENT: Ursula broke off months before I started working for Margot. No, it was… just incompatibility. But why are you so concerned about my life all of a sudden? You never even return my calls.

Robert gets a guilty look as they open the door to the tack room.

INT. THE TACK ROOM – DAY

Full of expensive tack, saddles, tools, A SCYTHE. Ranch hand George hears THE DOOR OPEN, hides with his bottle beside a large armoire in the back corner shadow.

The two brothers enter. Robert gives the room a quick eye-search without seeing George, then turns to Trent.

ROBERT: So, where’s the gift?

TRENT: I’ll show you in a minute. First I want to know why you told Ursula I had cheated your grandfather and my business associates.

ROBERT: I didn’t–

TRENT: She told me you did. And you know I didn’t cheat them. Those were legitimate business ventures that failed.

ROBERT: That’sss … a matter of opinion. I heard from Lindon–

TRENT: The liar. I’m ninety thousand dollars in the hole because someone — I suspect you — botched my latest deal with your vicious gossip.

ROBERT: (incredulous) You’re in the hole?! You mean your backers are in the hole! (beat, soothing) Face it, Trent, you were only after Ursula’s money.

TRENT: (sneer-smiles) I love her, but money does help, just like dad going after your mom.

ROBERT: He loved her to the end! (beat, relents) So you don’t really have a gift, you just wanted to–

TRENT: No, I do have a gift. Two, actually. The first is from Margot. Good news, your grandpa has another grandson.

ROBERT: What the hell–

TRENT: Yeh, you know all that gossip about Margot, how she broke her leg, gave up ballet, came back home here? Got in trouble?

ROBERT: Yeh, with some ballet dude.

TRENT: That’s the only part you gossipers got wrong.

ROBERT: No way it could be granddad’s. There would have been paternity suits.

TRENT: Ever heard of discreet? That’s Margot. Plus she has her own estate. She gave the boy up for adoption and didn’t bother to find him until after her husband’s passing. Or rather until I brought it up a couple of weeks ago on the hunch those rumors were true. Surprise! They were, and she asked me to find her son.

ROBERT: And who is this welp supposed to be?

TRENT: Short story long. The Griffins–they had a small cabbage farm here–they adopted the boy. Anonymously.

George in hiding perks up.

TRENT (CONT’D): And because your dear ole grandpa bought them out, cheated them actually, they ended up working as ranch hands. Margot’s son followed that noble profession, but met with a deadly accident some years back.

George looks sad.

TRENT (CONT’D): However, his son, your cousin, is alive and well. He’s George, your ranch hand!

George, hiding next to the armoire, shifts, makes a MUTED SOUND.

Trent and Robert look over in that direction, but don’t see anything.

TRENT: Rats. They’re overrunning the estate! Or, should I say running it.

ROBERT: It’ll never hold up in court. The will is set.

TRENT: Margot will surely take care of him. Of course, it’d be great to see him get his claws into grandpa’s estate with you out on your but. But-but-but we need to get on with MY birthday gift.

Trent swings a fist at Robert, smack on the face.

TRENT: A bloody nose on his grandson, the bad one.

Robert, nose bloodied, comes back swinging. George remains out of their view.

ROBERT: You rotten cheat and liar. (punches continue) Granddad said you’re no good.

The fight progresses to serious blows. Robert starts to best Trent. George peeks. Robert sees him, gets distracted, as Trent delivers a heavy blow

that sends Robert stumbling backwards

into the scythe.

Robert gives a LOUD YELP.

Trent is immobilized in horror. George goes flat against the wall next to the armoire, stiff with palpitating fear. Then Trent rushes to Robert.

TRENT: Bobby. I didn’t mean–

He moves Robert, blood gushes from his side. He tries to stanch it with his hand. Robert moves a bit. He’s alive. Barely.

Trent rushes out to the

EXT. RANCH YARD – DAY

TRENT: Help! There’s been an accident! Robert’s hurt himself. We need a doctor.

Guests and John rush toward the tack room, looking past Trent. Trent whirls around, sees George, dazed, stagger out of the tack room. Trent’s expression turns to utter horror as if seeing a ghost.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Draft 2 for “QE Cycle 1 Critique Scene Example”

What I learned that’s improving my writing skills is to try and work in more of the character traits in Trent and Robert’s dialogues (thanks to Hal’s critique of that really great scene). Could still use improvement…

===========================================================

EXT./INT. RANCH – DAY

Aristocratic horse ranch decorated for a helluva celebration. A HUGE CROWD, some in swanky dress, some in riding habits, photographers.

Riders jump horses over a course in the ring. Others cluster in smaller groups, eat and drink at tables near the mansion and on the wraparound verandah.

JOHN (80), the center of attention, sits in an ornate chair on the porch like a king overlording his kingdom with a dominance smile. OTHERS fawn over him. It’s his 80th birthday. A multi-layered birthday cake on a table below the verandah awaits the ritual.

John notes his decrepit ranch hand, GEORGE (60s), sneak off into the TACK ROOM attached to the barn with a half full scotch bottle, and shakes his head with a smile.

ROBERT (26) greedily shakes hands with TWO GUESTS, who join his CLIQUE OF FOUR. A WOMAN (45) in his clique commandeers him.

WOMAN: So what are your plans, Robert? For the estate?

Robert shoots John a forced smile, then turns to her.

ROBERT: He’s as healthy as a marathon runner.

WOMAN: That’s not what we all heard, Robert, and you know it. In fact, I think it was you who told Clarice about the terminal cancer… And people in the valley would like to know your plans for this ranch and the rest of the estate.

His group looks at him expectantly.

ROBERT: (shifty smile). I don’t plan ahead… But did you hear about the Water Board debacle?

Robert glances over at TRENT (29), dressed to kill, champagne in hand, talking to ANDREW (40s) on the other side of the ranch yard. A brief frown grazes Robert’s face.

TRENT AND ANDREW

Trent replies to the Andrew well out of Robert’s earshot.

TRENT: Yes, Andrew, it WAS a great idea. (off Andrew’s interest) It took me a year to iron out the details, and it was up-up-up, then someone, someone I know well (daggers at Robert) botched it. Lost a lot of money. But that’ll never happen again. Guaranteed.

Andrew notes that Trent’s obvious implication of Robert, looks over at Robert. Then Trent and Robert exchange fake smiles and Robert waves Andrew to come join his group.

TRENT: (to Andrew) And this new investment I’m working on is even better–

ANDREW: (to Trent) Excuse me.

Andrew leaves and drifts over to Robert’s group.

Trent grinds his teeth, then sees URSULA (25), svelte and aloof, pass nearby. He strides toward her… and closer to Robert.

TRENT: (calls out) Ursula!

Robert watching, Ursula sees Trent, and pivots away, head held high.

Robert smiles smugly. Trent with forced smile approaches Robert. Guilt and worry spreads over Robert’s face.

TRENT: Hey, Robert!

ROBERT: Hey, Trent! I didn’t know you were coming.

Robert leaves his group with a smile and wave, to speak with Trent alone. John on the verandah looks displeased.

TRENT: You mean, I wasn’t invited. (off Robert’s blank face) I came as Lucille’s guest.

ROBERT: The Dame Lucille Henshaw?! When will you give it up?

TRENT: I don’t scam, if that’s what you mean. People, especially the rich, want to make more money. They find my investments attractive. I’m a broker of sorts.

ROBERT: Only because you’re associated with us and people think you’re rich and successful. (off Trent’s rising hackles) And you could be, Trent. You’re smart. (sigh) So you’re here… I guess to get clients for your next adventure, or should I say misadventure.

TRENT: No, I came to celebrate your granddad’s birthday.

ROBERT: You mean, our granddad.

TRENT: Maybe step-granddad, but he doesn’t even think that. (hard) But, hey, you guys are the only family I have now.

ROBERT: (soothing) And you’re my big brother I could never measure up to. I mean, in school, in smarts. Granddad even said he wished I’d be more like you.

TRENT: Must have been years ago.

ROBERT: Yeh, when I flunked algebra.

Robert forces a laugh, but not Trent.

TRENT: Anyway, I owe the old coot for providing a couple of contacts when I started out… and helping with my mother’s funeral… I want you to see the great gift I have for him.

Trent, cunning smile.

ROBERT: So, where’s this great gift?

TRENT: In the tack room.

They head toward the tack room.

TRENT: Of course, it wasn’t anything like your mom’s funeral.

ROBERT: Mom’s his only child.

TRENT: Yes, of course, I just meant he was generous to provide the box for my mom, since our dad doesn’t have control over funds or anything.

ROBERT: And Dad… had issues with your mom.

TRENT: (grits his teeth) Not of your doing, of course… But, hey, that’s all over now.

Robert waves and smiles at SOME GUESTS.

ROBERT: (expecting a flare up) So, you’re not upset about Ursula?

TRENT: (shrugs) Why should I be? She’s too high and mighty for me. Good she backed out of our engagement, so I wouldn’t have to.

ROBERT: I was worried you may have taken it hard. (not really)

TRENT: Why are you so concerned all of a sudden about my life? You never even return my calls.

Robert gets a guilty look as they open the door to the tack room.

INT. THE TACK ROOM – DAY

Full of expensive tack, fancy English and Western saddles on racks, tools, a scythe. Ranch hand George hears THE DOOR OPEN and hides with his bottle beside a large armoire near the back corner.

Robert looks around in a quick eye-search without seeing George, then turns to Trent.

ROBERT: So, where’s the gift?

TRENT: I’ll show you in a minute. First I want to know why you told Ursula I had cheated your grandfather and my business associates.

ROBERT: I didn’t–

TRENT: She told me you did. And you know I didn’t cheat them. Those were legitimate business ventures that failed.

ROBERT: That’sss … a matter of opinion. I heard from Lindon–

TRENT: The liar. I’m ninety thousand dollars in the hole because someone — I suspect you — botched my latest deal with your vicious gossip.

ROBERT: (incredulous) You’re in the hole?! You mean your backers are in the hole! For their plot to buy up land around the ranch and cut off Granddad’s water rights. (beat) So you don’t really have a gift, you just wanted to–

TRENT: No, I do have a gift, a very special gift.

Trent shoves Robert, then swings a fist at him, smack on the face.

TRENT: A bloody nose on his sole beloved heir. For keeping me in the hole.

Robert, nose bloodied, comes back swinging. George remains out of their view.

ROBERT: You rotten cheat (continued punches and blows) Granddad said you’re no good.

The fight progresses to serious blows. George peeks. Robert sees him, gets distracted. Trent delivers a final blow that sends Robert across the room, stumbling into the scythe. Robert gives a LOUD YELP.

Trent is immobilized a second in horror. George goes stiff with palpitating fear flat against the wall next to the armoire. Then Trent rushes to Robert.

TRENT: Bobby. I didn’t mean–

He moves Robert, blood gushes from his side. He tries to stanch it with his hand. Robert moves a bit. He’s alive. Barely.

Trent rushes out to the

EXT. RANCH YARD – DAY

TRENT: Help! There’s been an accident! Robert’s hurt himself. We need a doctor.

Guests and John rush toward the tack room, looking past Trent. Trent whirls around, sees George, drunk and dazed, staggering out of the tack room. Trent’s expression turns to utter horror.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Fight Scene – 1st Draft

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that after fuming about what to do, then sleeping on it, I finally came up with a good idea used Hal’s ideas to include the arc, interest techniques, and most characters traits.

My first reaction to this assignment: I really have about 10,000 emails I have to delete, gotta do that. I deleted about 1,000 then got down to working on this scene :).

==============

OUTLINE:

1. A big crowd is celebrating John Henshaw’s 80th birthday on his aristocratic horse ranch. But Trent Morgan (29), his step-grandson, is agitated about losing some business deal.

2. Trent sees rich Ursula (25), to whom he was engaged, but she avoids him.

3. Trent then sees Robert (26), struggles to smile at him, and calls him over.

4. Trent tells Robert he has a gift for his grandfather, but it’s in the tack room.

5. As they go to the tack room, they discuss things (backstory) and Robert wonders if Trent is upset about Ursula (a rich women) calling off their engagement. Trent says not at all and that he’s glad.

6. However, once they are in the tack room, Trend accuses Robert of making Ursula leave him through his gossip and says that his “gift” to Robert’s grandfather is giving beloved sole heir Robert a bloody nose, as he swings and hits Robert in the face.

7. A fight ensues, Trent besting Robert, who stumbles back on a scythe and is seriously injured.

8. Trent rushes out calling for help.

=============

EXT./INT. HENSHAW RANCH – DAY

Aristocratic horse ranch decorated for a helluva celebration. A HUGE CROWD, some in swanky dress, some in riding habits, photographers.

Riders jump horses over a course in the ring. Others eat and drink at tables near the mansion and on the wraparound verandah.

JOHN HENSHAW (80), the center of attention, sits in an ornate chair on the porch like a king viewing his kingdom with a glorious, proud smile. It’s his 80th birthday. A multi-layered birthday cake on a table below the verandah awaits the ritual.

But TRENT MORGAN (29) in the ranch yard, champaign in hand, isn’t celebrating. He’s agitated, explaining something to a MAN (40s).

TRENT: Yeh, great idea, but someone, someone I know well, botched it. Lost a lot of money.

Trent sees URSULA (25), svelte and aloof, pass nearby.

TRENT: (to the man) Excuse me.

Trent strides toward Ursula.

TRENT: (calls out) Ursula.

Ursula sees him and pivots away, head held high. Then Trent spots ROBERT MORGAN (26) greedily shaking hands with people.

Robert turns, sees Trent, and gets a super-guilty look on his face. Trent struggles to paste on a smile, then approaches Robert.

TRENT: Hey, Robert!

ROBERT: Hey, Trent!

TRENT: I wanna show you the great gift I got your granddad.

Robert recovers from his guilt and goes to Robert.

ROBERT: Our granddad.

TRENT: I don’t think so, maybe step-granddad, but he doesn’t even think that. But, hey, you guys are the only family I have.

ROBERT: (relieved) And you’re my only brother, my big brother I could never measure up to. I mean, in school, in smarts. Granddad even said he wished I’d be more like you.

TRENT: Must have been years ago.

ROBERT: Yeh, when I flunked algebra.

Robert laughs, but not Trent.

TRENT: Anyway, I owe the old coot for having staked me when I started out… and paying for my mother’s funeral.

ROBERT: So where’s the gift?

TRENT: In the tack room.

The head toward the tack room, attached to the barn.

TRENT: Of course, it wasn’t anything like your mom’s funeral.

ROBERT: Mom’s his daughter, his only child.

TRENT: Yeh, of course, I just meant it was generous of him to do it for my mom, since our dad doesn’t have control over funds or anything.

ROBERT: And he pretty much hated your mom.

Trent grits his teeth, unseen by Robert.

TRENT: Yeh, that too. But, hey, now that that’s all over, maybe–

ROBERT: So, you’re not upset about Ursula?

TRENT: Why should I be? (shrugs) She’s too high and mighty for me. It was good she’s the one who backed out of our engagement.

Robert nods his head in agreement, but is disappointed Trent isn’t crushed.

TRENT: But why are you so concerned all of a sudden about my life?

Robert again gets that guilty look as they enter

INT. THE TACK ROOM – DAY

Full of expensive tack, fancy English and Western saddles on racks, tools, a scythe.

Robert looks around, then turns to Trent.

ROBERT: Where is it?

TRENT: I’ll show you in a minute. First I want to know why you told Ursula I had cheated your grandfather and Harvey.

ROBERT: I didn’t–

TRENT: She told me you did. And you know I didn’t cheat them. They were legitimate business ventures that failed.

ROBERT: That’sss … a matter of opinion. I heard from Lindon–

TRENT: The liar. I’m sixty thousand dollars in the hole because someone — I suspect you — botched my latest deal.

ROBERT: (incredulous) You’re in the hole?! You mean your backers are in the hole!… So you don’t really have a gift, you just wanted to–

TRENT: No, I do have a gift, a very special gift.

Trent shoves Robert, then swings at him, smack on the face.

TRENT: A bloody nose on his sole, beloved heir to his fortune.

Robert comes back swinging, nose bloodied.

ROBERT: You no good cheater. Granddad said you’re no good.

They come to serious blows, Trent besting Robert. A final blow sends Robert across the room, stumbling into the scythe. He gives a LOUD YELP.

Trent is immobilized a second with horror. Then he rushes to Robert.

TRENT: Bobby. I didn’t mean–

He moves Robert, blood gushes from his side. He tries to stanch it with his hand. Robert moves a bit. He’s alive. Barely.

Trent rushes out to the

EXT. RANCH YARD – DAY

TRENT: Help! There’s been an accident!

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that this is more difficult because I already added interest techniques throughout my screenplay previously AND I find it difficult to find them for the scene I’m trying to improve (that’s why it needs improving), but am looking for more interest techniques, since my current screenplay isn’t doing as well in the contests as my others.

==========================================

WEATHERING IT (rom-com): pp. 25-28, end of Act 1, part of set up, or Break into Act 2.

ESSENCE: Ellie has a problematic relationship with her Uncle Rev. Rudy and his church since her mother (his sister) passed, and Rudy dislikes his Uncle Layo — Ellie’s great-uncle whom she is planning to help. Also introduces Rudy and his wedding venue, and further indications of Rio Grande Valley’s tropical/subtropical climate (important for the story when the severe freeze in Act 4 hits). Much of it is set up for later scenes.

LOGLINE: Ellie needs a story for the campus paper and interviews Rudy about his Marriage Barn for it.

INTEREST TECHNIQUES INTRODUCED:

….1. INTRIGUE (new): Rudy suggests there is something bad or underhanded about Layo and that Ellie should not throw her life away helping him, but religious politeness prevents him from saying (it comes out in Act 4).

….2. UNCERTAINTY — HOPE / FEAR (already had this): It looks like Ellie may now be thinking of marrying (Jim and she just kissed in previous scene), Rudy detects this, but she adamantly objects when he suggests that.

ELEVATED HUMOR: added in the Kool-Aid

=========================

INT. THE MARRIAGE BARN – DAY (pp. 25-28, end of Act 1, part of set up, or Break into Act 2)

The sides and back of the large hall host decorations and pinup murals in beach motif. Corner recycling bins. Niches hold statues of St. Francis and Our Lady of Guadalupe. Ribbons, bows, streamers, paper lanterns up above.

Covered folding chairs, round tables, half folded fill the center. REV. RUDY PEREZ (40s), a somewhat comical man, takes two tables to a storeroom and returns.

Ellie enters, recorder in hand, sets her backpack down.

ELLIE: Reverend Perez.

RUDY: Elliana. What a blessed surprise. No “tio” for me?

ELLIE: Tio Rudy, I need to do an article for the campus paper. I thought–

RUDY: Wonderful. We could use the publicity. Okay, shoot (mumbles embarrassed) myself in my foot. (aloud) I mean, go ahead, ask.

Ellie fumbles the recorder on.

ELLIE: I already know about your church and wedding venue, so tell me what’s going on now.

RUDY: Bueno, as you can see we had a wedding with our beach theme. I’m now setting up for Bible study.

ELLIE: Why the beach theme?

RUDY: Well, the couple didn’t want the fall theme because leaves don’t turn red or orange much in the Valley, but they would’ve been fine with winter wonderland, even though we don’t get snow. Go figure. They finally settled on beach.

Ellie gets out her cell.

ELLIE: Can I photograph pages in your theme book?

RUDY: Sure.

He goes, brings an album from the storeroom. Ellie sets it on the head table, flips pages, snaps photos. Rudy continues to take folded tables to the storeroom.

RUDY: And mention we give discounts. Well, to couples who need them.

Rudy notices Ellie smiling at a picture of the BARN THEME.

RUDY: Are you thinking of… marrying?

ELLIE: (hard flips the page) No. Not at all.

RUDY: Si, bueno, you seem– Never mind… You stopped coming to church.

Ellie miffed turns to Rudy as he takes a table to storage.

ELLIE: I’ve told you it’s eco-hypocritical.

Rudy stops.

RUDY: How would you know? You haven’t been here since your mother passed. Note our recycling bins. (grand gesture to them) We added St. Francis. (uplifting gesture to it) And I preach about creation care. You made a good point years ago, Ellie. We’ve changed.

ELLIE: What about the National Affiliation of Non-denominational Churches? They consider climate change the devil’s deception.

RUDY: Ah, them. We pulled out. This close to campus our members, not only me, couldn’t drink their Kool-Aid.

ELLIE: (smiles) Kool-Aid, Uncle Rudy?

RUDY: Yeh, well, gotta keep up with these kids. Hope it’s not a swear word.

ELLIE: No, and it’s, yes, on target.

Rudy approaches her.

RUDY: I’ve tried to be a father to you. After your father, uh, went away.

ELLIE: Abandoned Mamita and me! It broke Mom’s heart. And, yes, Tio, you’ve been there for us. And Uncle Layo.

RUDY: Uncle Layo doesn’t need anyone. Or so he thinks.

ELLIE: I mean he’s been there for us.

RUDY: (anger flares) I’d hardly… but if I can’t say anything nice, can I say don’t drink his Kool-aid? (off Ellie’s smile) You don’t know about him, Ellie. Your mother, my sister, wouldn’t approve of you throwing your life away on him and his ranch.

ELLIE: Does anyone ever really know anyone?

Ellie frowns and leaves. Rudy throws up his hand.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Can't delete this post, so thought I'd use it to share a great help I just found on ScreenCraft: "101 CREATIVE CHARACTER ARC PROMPTS." I'm finding some better character ideas AND interest techniques, etc. I've started with doing my protag, answering the Qs (I'm down to #22 now), but plan to do it with other main characters.
https://screencraft.org/blog/101-creative-character-arc-prompts/  

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to give my characters several more extreme core traits, some good, some bad. I already did this in the Writing Incredible Movies course, but am revisiting it here and making sure I have these complex of traits for my characters. And hope to make them more “extreme.”

I had even been thinking for some time that the trait configurations of these persons below might be great for some movie characters… I think my script characters are more bland than those below in real life :).

================================================

PERSON 1, Core Traits:
– great people skills, protocol polite, great with children– liar, cheater, thief (seems pathological, but more likely intentional)
– inner rage, anger, jealousy, destructive
– victim/failure (convinces others that he is) – as perpetrator, he gets others to consider him the victim, makes his victims into the perpetrators. People feel sorry for him, a failure, supposedly due to others, blames his victims as “perpetrators.”
– stubborn, refuses to acknowledge any wrong-doing at all, whatsoever.
– alcoholic

PERSON 2, Core Traits:
– natural leader & fun party guy
– successful
– good family man
– feels something lacking, strives to overcome that
– alcoholic, but overcomes it at times

PERSON 3, Core Traits:
– compliant and pleasant, seems reasonable much of the time
– pathological jealousy & suspicion

– paranoid, cannot hold down a job
– depressed

============================

My main characters in WEATHERING IT (rom-com): Two college students struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

ELLIE (protag):
– somber (eco-despair, father abandonment, mother passed)
– dedicated to saving the earth, never wants to marry
– loyal to her Uncle Layo and his alt energy inventions
– fears her anger problem, fears hurting others, turning them off

JIM (protag):
– playful playboy, covering
– deep sorrow, father loss (hides it)
– loyal to his mother and Uncle Fred
– somewhat reckless/suicidal due to obligation to work for Fred

LAYO (antag):
– misanthrope, trusts no one but Ellie
– committed to inventing alt energy projects
– crude, cantankerous
– stubborn, but his affection wins out

FRED (antag):
– negative, rude
– demanding
– successful businessman, driven
– affection for and commitment to brother’s family (Jim and his mother)

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Puts Essence to Work

What I’ve learned is finding the essence, even if it’s difficult and I’m not sure I got it, really helps in figuring out how to improve at least certain scenes.

Also, I added another requirement for myself, Elevated Comedy, since this is my first Rom-Com, and the discovered essence helped this pursuit.

As I commented earlier, right after doing Assignment 1 I got contest notes saying my intro was not good, and by finding the essence at that point it helped my rewrite the first 2 scenes (which I had thought was impossible before).

===============================

My script I choose: WEATHERING IT (rom-com): Two college students struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

Scene 1 Location: First scene
Logline: Introduction with shots of the Rio Grande Valley, including an oil jack and oil-covered bird [not very exciting, no dialogue]
Essence I’ve discovered: Introduce the audience to the movie and draw them in
New Logline: Introduction with footage of eco-harms–floods, hurricanes, wildfires, oil rig explosion–ending with obnoxious ad-jingle type music over the explosion and a VO to cut that [this shows it involves eco-issues, but it’s a comedy; indications that it’s set in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas are moved to the following 2 scenes]
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Elevated Humor: The jingle music at the end and VO

Scene 2 Location: Second scene
Logline: The environmental club is prepping an Eco-Horror Show video for Halloween
Essence I’ve discovered: The environmental club is failing from harsh university restrictions and too few members
New Logline: The environmental club, down to a few members, must conceal that they’re producing a video about serious eco-problems.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Elevated Humor: When a member asks where’s Gecko and Ellie says doing an interview with Columbia, Javi (the videographer) gets excited it’s Columbia Pictures, then disappointed it’s Columbia University.

Scene 3 Location: p. 28 of a 109 page script (2 scenes before Act 2)
Logline: Ellie avoids Jim [after he had kissed her in a previous “cute meet” scene] — no words in this scene
Essence I’ve discovered: Ellie doesn’t want involvement with Jim, who is determined to succeed with her
New Logline: When Ellie avoids Jim, Mack teases him about not getting her, but he says he nearly made it.
Elevated Humor: Jim starts to wave at Ellie, then when she turns down another path in an obvious avoidance, he retracts his wave. And Mack says “Not even the foothills,” using subtext metaphor from an earlier scene when he bet Jim he’d freeze to death before reaching summit on Mt. Everest; Jim replies, “I got to the foothills, Man, but guess I slid back down.”

Scene 4 Location: p. 28 (one scene before Act 2)
Logline: Jim attends the Environmental Club meeting to snare Ellie, but arrives late so she won’t suspect he dated Jen.
Essence I’ve discovered: The club presents the serious Arctic methane outgassing issue, but Jim doesn’t find out about that until much later; Ellie again brushes Jim off because she doesn’t want anyone hurt.
New Logline: Jim attends the Environmental Club meeting to snare Ellie, but arrives late so she won’t suspect he dated Jen and he misses the methane outgassing issue. [Note I changed the 2nd eco-issue to microplastics, which could have been about anything, so logline is basically the same, but more humor added].
Elevated Humor: The slide changes to sexy women in fashion clothes and they talk about microplastics from laundering synthetic materials bioaccumulating up to humans causing health effects, and a member says a college donor is opening a synthetic clothing factory, to which Ellie says, “Just when we thought we had a university-safe issue… “ Jim enters then with, “Wow, a fashion show or what.”

Scene 5 Location: p. 75 (part of “All is Lost” scenes in Act 3 in 4-act structure)
Logline: They plan their wedding, but Jim regrets taking Ellie away from Layo’s alt energy invention work and feels he won’t be able to dissuade his uncle from the Arctic project.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ellie buds hope in her new mission to help Jim scuttle the Arctic drilling project, while Jim falls into eco-despair (role reversal)
New Logline: While Jim despairs of taking Ellie away from her work with Layo and their ability to get his Uncle Fred to scuttle the Arctic drilling project, Ellie buds hope in this new mission.
…[[Note: a major weakness of the story has been how Ellie has so easily changed from her plan to help Layo on his off-grid ranch to marrying Jim, but finding the essence helps correct this: I bring in here how she has come to realize that stopping Fred is much more important than helping Layo, who anyway refuses to spread his ideas and she says would be much more difficult to change than Fred. In other words, she loves Jim, but she also realizes a very important mission she has with him to save the earth.]]
Elevated Humor: The scene ends with:

JIM: That old crank needs you, Ellie. His inventions are great. Your writing is super. You’re a team.

ELLIE: Frankly, Jim, I think Uncle Layo is much more difficult to change than your Uncle Fred. We’ll do great and better things together. We’re an eco-warrior team. Right?

JIM: If you say so. I guess.

ELLIE: Not that we won’t keep trying to change ole Uncle Layo AND Uncle Fred, those obstinate dangety-dangs.

JIM: If that’s the extent of your profanity, Lady, I can teach you a few things.

They laugh, couple hands. Ellie buds hope, but Jim drifts apart as he falls back into despair.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Finds the Essence

What I learned is the importance of knowing the essence of each scene. Also that profound essence statements need a good, skilled scene and build up maybe over the entire script so as to come across without seeming “on-the-nose” or academic. For that to happen it helps to have other subplots criss-crossing.

================================

Script I choose: ERIN BROCKOVICH (revised shooting draft, 129 pages)

Scene 1 Location: pp. 13-15, “the catalyst”
Logline: Erin makes Ed give her a job in his law office
Essence: This scene shows Ed’s office is in some disarray (he really needs more help but maybe can’t afford it?); he doesn’t want Erin there, but she persists and he finally gives in (having failed to win her case). Also the staff look askance at her, portending that she’ll have a rough time there.

Scene 2 Location: pp. 17-19, after set-up, the “B-story”
Logline: New neighbor George with a loud motorcycle annoys Erin, but is really into her.
Essence: George is a tough-looking biker, into Erin, and NOT dissuaded by her having three kids and 2 divorces.

Scene 3 Location: pp. 28-31, break into Act 2
Logline: Donna reveals to Erin that PG&E, that wants to buy her house, is also paying medical bills for their cancer and cysts… because of “the chromium.”
Essence: Introducing Donna, a fine homemaker and mother, who strongly faces their illnesses, and doesn’t want to sell her home to PG&E, at least not for their offering price. The mystery/confusion that led Erin to investigate is partly solved as to why med bills are mixed in with real estate matters: PG&E, which Donna says has done so much for their community, is paying them due to “the chromium” and wanting to buy out their house. Strange. (and the next UCLA scene makes it more ominous… probably chrom 6, the toxic one; and the following Water Board scene confirms it)

Scene 4 Location: p. 75
Logline: George tells Erin on the phone of her baby saying her first word.
Essence: Erin is not present when her baby says her first word, which shows the sacrifice she is making for this important Hinkley case.

Scene 5 Location: pp. 86-87 (see below)
Logline: Ed gets staff and Erin to look like attorneys to confront the PG&E attorneys and their offer.
Essence: Lower class Erin takes over and not only rejects $20M the offer for the 400 plaintiffs, but in a monologue asks how much their spine and uterus is worth (life is fundamental, outweighing money).

Scene 6 Location: pp. 120-124, series of scenes
Logline: A creepy man from earlier scenes comes to Erin with important case information.
Essence: A creepy man Erin thinks is trying to hit on her tells her of the final, important piece of info for their case — documents he didn’t shred.

================================

My selection for most profound essence:

INT. MASRY & VITITOE – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY (pp. 86-87)

Sanchez, Webster, Buda, and Cooper are seated.

The door opens and Ed enters, legal pad under his arm. Followed by Erin,
legal pad under her arm. Followed by Anna (looking professional in Brenda’s

suit coat), legal pad under her arm. Followed by Donald (in a suit

produced from who knows where), legal pad under his arm. If you didn’t
know better, you’d assume it was a team of lawyers as well.

…………………………ED
…………………….Counselors —

…………………………MR. SANCHEZ
…………………….Counselors.

Ed and Erin sit down and get to work. Mario and Anna,
clearly told to just follow along, sit down a moment later.

INT. MASRY & VITITOE – CONFERENCE ROOM – LATER

Mario and Anna are sitting mutely in their seats beside Ed
and Erin, firing blank looks across the table.

…………………………SANCHEZ
…………………….Let’s be honest here. Twenty million
…………………….dollars is more money than these people

…………………….have ever dreamed of.

Erin has no patience for this today.

…………………………ERIN
…………………….Oh, see, now that pisses me off. First
…………………….of all — since the demur, we now have
…………………….more than four hundred plaintiffs…and
………………………………..(mocking her)
……………………”let’s be honest”, we all know there’s

…………………….more out there. Now, they may not be the

…………………….most sophisticated people, but they do
…………………….know how to divide, and twenty million

…………………….dollars isn’t shit when it’s split
…………………….between them.

Donald and Anna exchange a look. This is getting interesting.

…………………………ED
…………………….Erin —

But there’s no stopping her.

…………………………ERIN
…………………….And second of all — these people don’t
…………………….dream about being rich. They dream about
…………………….being able to watch their kids swim in a
…………………….pool without worrying they’ll have to
…………………….have a hysterectomy at age 20, like Rosa
…………………….Diaz — a client of ours — or have their
…………………….spine deteriorate like Stan Bloom.
…………………….Another client of ours.

Ed sits now with a light smile, content to let Erin continue.

…………………………ERIN (CONT’D)
…………………….So before you come back here with another
…………………….lame-ass offer, I want you to think real
…………………….hard about what your spine is worth, Mr.

…………………….Buda — or what you’d expect someone to
…………………….pay you for your uterus, Miss Sanchez —
…………………….then you take out your calculator and
…………………….multiply that number by a hundred. Anything
…………………….less than that is a waste of our time.

Sanchez, throughout her speech, has been reacting in a patronizing manner
– as if Erin’s words were of no import. By the end of Erin’s speech, Sanchez
has picked up a glass of water in front of her and is about to drink, when Erin says:

…………………………SANCHEZ
…………………….I think this meeting is over.

…………………………ERIN
…………………….Damn right it is.

Erin gets up and storms out first. We see on Anna’s face, the first signs of respect for Erin.

—————–

Essence: Lower class Erin takes over, gaining staff appreciation and Ed’s okay, a David defending her own kind of people against the haughty and patronizing PG&E giant. She not only rejects the $20M offer for the 400 plaintiffs, but asks the PG&E attorneys how much their spine and uterus are worth. The important essence here is that even though they can only get money as compensation, life and health totally outweigh money–something Erin in her life experiences and work with the victims understands & gets the point across brashly. Secondarily Erin has “come into her own” and gains the approval of Ed and his staff.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

After finishing this assignment I got script notes from a contest. Now I don’t use ALL feedback I get. I usually do if 2 or more analysts point to the same problem, but this time the analyst told me my opening was not good and gave some suggestions — something no one had pointed out, but I myself felt was weak compared to the really good openings for my other screenplays. And I had actually worried about it, but couldn’t think of anything different that would also get in all/most of the essentials I needed, without introducing new issues and characters.

It was just before bedtime and I felt really bad, but I woke up with a great idea… I would put another scene before my opening scene that was much more exciting/entertaining, take some essentials from the old opening and other scenes… I still haven’t figured out how to cover what needs to be covered, but I’m now working on it.

In the “Writing Incredible Movies” course I just finished here Hal said we should give such problems over to our creative process, take a walk or a nap (I’ve always called it “the sleep technique,” which has helped me solve math and physics problems and others).

That along with me focusing on the Essence is now really helping…

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Hi everyone,

I’ve written 5 scripts, all involving climate change — 3 sci-fi, 1 action, and a rom-com! They’ve won various contests, but have weaknesses. I hope this course will help me improve the quality of these scripts and future ones.

I’ve taken many free classes and short courses here and just finished the “Writing Incredible Movies,” an 8-month course that greatly helped me write my rom-com. And it helped me create a list of producers I can contact once the WGA strike is over.

I’m a retired anthropology professor, but have been writing fiction for decades, including a published romance, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, set in India.

Last June I attended (online) “The Hollywood Climate Summit–Writing Climate: Pitchfest for TV & Film,” and was a semi-finalist. It was really educational with great tips for climate change screenwriting. It gave me the idea for my rom-com. I’ve entered again this year with that script and hope to be a finalist, their highest award.

Lynn Vincentnathan

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan

“I agree to the terms of this release form”:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s 4 Pitches — Draft 1

Ready to exchange. My email: lynnvinc@hotmail.com

1. ELEVATOR PITCH

I’m finishing up a Romeo and Juliet Rom-Com about an eco-activist, who falls for a man — obligated to work as an oil engineer!

2. PHONE PITCH

Hi, I’m Lynn Vincentnathan and have published a romance novel and won numerous screenplay awards, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest Houston. I’d like to run a quick concept by you: I have a Romeo and Juliet Rom-Com script about an eco-activist into promoting alternative energy, who falls for a man — obligated to work as an oil engineer! Would you be interested? [wait and see if they want more info]

3. PITCH FEST PITCH

Hi, I’m Lynn Vincentnathan and have published a romance novel set in India, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, and won numerous awards for my five screenplays, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest Houston.

I have a Romeo and Juliet Rom-Com script, WEATHERING IT, about an eco-activist, who falls for a man — obligated to work as an oil engineer!

Any questions? (beat) Would you like to see the script?

4. QUERY LETTER

Title: Weathering It

Genre: Romantic Comedy

An eco-activist falls for an oil engineer!

Dear xxx,

In this comedic Romeo and Juliet story set in tropical Tejano South Texas — think TICKET TO PARADISE — struggling eco-activist Ellie plans to help Uncle Layo on his whacky off-grid ranch. Jim covers his dreaded obligation to work for Uncle Fred’s oil engineering firm by being a playboy.

When the couple meets at college, Jim bets a friend he can score with Ellie. Instead, they fall in love only to find out their uncles nurse a long-time hatred that tears them apart. Just as they get back together, the worst-ever of Texas freeze and grid-failure quashes their wedding plans, leaving their only option to hold it at Layo’s off-grid ranch. But will the two uncles tear them apart for good?

Youth will love this for its focus on climate change and nature, and for the college and beach settings. As a rom-com it will have wide audience appeal. Climate change concerned actors, like Javier Bardem and Mark Ruffalo, may be interested in playing the grouchy uncles.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Thanks for your consideration,

Lynn Vincentnathan

Address

Phone

Email

Webpage

BIO: I have published a romance novel and written five screenplays, which have won numerous contests, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest-Houston.

================================

ANSWERS to elevator, phone, and pitchfest questions that may arise — or info I could add if they’re still interested:

1. WHAT IS THE BUDGET RANGE?

— mid-budget, $15 to $30 million

2. WHAT ACTORS DO YOU LIKE FOR THE LEAD ROLES?

— For the young couple, maybe Galilea La Salvia (a climate activist) and Noah Fearnley. For the grouchy uncles, maybe climate activists like Javier Barden and Mark Ruffalo.

3. GIVE ME THE ACTS OF THE STORY (note: I put this in 3 acts, combining 2 & 3).

— Act 1: Struggling eco-activist Ellie is so guy-shy it takes Jim, who bets he’ll score but then falls in love with her, the whole first act to coax Ellie into a situationship, which he defines as “a no-commitment, no-regrets-if-you-drift-apart non-relationship.”

— Act 2: After some complications the couple goes from situationship to wedding plans, but then finds out they have opposing obligations and life goals — Ellie to help Uncle Layo with his alternative energy inventions; Jim to work at Uncle Fred’s oil engineering consultancy.

They call it off at midpoint. Both Ellie and Jim are devastated, but when Jim finds out his project at Fred’s firm would send the climate into a methane dragon apocalypse, he vows to halt the project and enlists Ellie’s help. They are back to wedding plans, but because the two uncles nurse a long time hatred and Layo has disrupted weddings in Ellie’s family, they decide not to invite Layo.

— Act 3: When the worst-ever Texas freeze hits and the grid fails, their only option is to have the wedding at Layo’s off-grid ranch, bringing the warring uncles together with a weird reversal. At last the couple weds — in freezing Gulf waters rescuing cold-stunned turtles.

4. HOW DOES IT END? (SETUP / PAYOFF).

— In Act One they visit the Sea Turtle Rescue Center, where a staff says that during the great Texas freeze of ’21 they had to call on locals to help save cold-stunned turtles from drowning. At the end of the script the wedding is disrupted by the Turtle Center calling on locals to help save hundreds of cold-stunned turtles during the worse-ever freeze. The wedding party rushes to the beach in wedding clothes to rescues turtles. Thigh-deep in frigid waters the pastor pronounces the couple married… or baptized.

5. CREDIBILITY QUESTIONS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

— I published a romance novel set in India, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, and have written five screenplays, which have won numerous awards, including a Platinum and Gold Remi at WorldFest Houston.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Target Market

I LEARNED that this is a much easier way of finding lots of producers faster, though it’s still a chore.

They didn’t have “Romantic Comedy” as a genre, so I got plenty under “Romance,” then selected those that also had “comedy” as a genre. As for climate fiction films (only a handful) I just went to them individually and got the producer info.

Unfortunately I came to realize my screenplay would be in a mid-budget range, maybe $15M to $30M. So I’ll try harder next time to do lower budget.

===================================

I found some 60 movies that fit “Rom-Com” and $15-30M range. Starting with the ones that look most promising, I have more than 20 producers so far, with a looong way to go in completing this.

As for “climate fiction” (cli-fi), whatever the range (these are usually high budget) I have some 10 movies, but had to go back 20 years, and I have some 12 producers so far, with a looong way to go. With some there is no mention in their scripts of climate change or global warming, but only implications, as in THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL (2008): “Now it’s reached the point of no return” (used by many to describe the danger point in climate change).

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’m still doing this, but a few tips:

1. The IMDbPro producer list is in alphabetical order (not by importance).

2. And I really needed contact info for DON’T LOOK UP, but nothing on IMDbPro, so I found their production company’s physical address on the Film & Television Industry Alliance production list: https://productionlist.com/production-contact/

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Phone Pitch

I LEARNED that this is even more difficult than the Pitch Fest pitch because of having to get to the main hooks so they won’t hang up, and getting the important things in before they get impatient.

——————————————————

What I lead with may depend on the prodco.

For ROMCOM PRODCOS NOT INTO CLIMATE CHANGE, I might start with creds, then slide into a very brief spiel on others:

Hi, I’m Lynn Vincentnathan and have published a romance novel and won numerous screenplay awards, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest Houston. I have a Rom-Com script, WEATHERING IT that asks, would an eco-activist give up promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, an oil engineer? Would you be interested? [wait and see if they want more info]

For CLIMATE CHANGE PRODCOS, I might start with creds but also mention something about cli-fi:

Hi, I’m Lynn Vincentnathan, published a novel, won numerous screenplay awards, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest Houston. I have a Cli-fi Rom-Com script, WEATHERING IT that asks, would an eco-activist give up promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, an oil engineer? I think actors and directors into climate change may be want to participate. Would you be interested? [wait and see if they want more info]

For PRODCOS, IF I CAN GET ACTORS INTERESTED, mentioning cli-fi, if they are into that:

Hi, I’m Lynn Vincentnathan, have published a novel and won numerous screenplay awards, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest Houston. I have a script that xxx would love to star in. It’s a [Cli-fi] Rom-Com, titled WEATHERING IT, that asks, would an eco-activist give up promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, an oil engineer? Would you be interested? [wait and see if they want more info]

GIVE US A ONE OR TWO SENTENCE ANSWER TO THE QUESTIONS A PRODUCER MAY ASK:

WHAT’S THE BUDGET RANGE?

— Mid Budget: $15 to $30 million

WHO DO YOU SEE IN THE MAIN ROLES?

— For the young couple, maybe Galilea La Salvia (a climate activist) and Noah Fearnley. For the grouchy uncles, maybe climate activists like Mark Ruffalo and Javier Bardem.

HOW MANY PAGES IS THE SCRIPT?

— 105 pages

WHO ELSE HAS SEEN THIS?

— Some script analyst and my friend Laura Perez, producer at Alma Libre Films.

WHY DO YOU THINK THIS FITS OUR COMPANY?

— You’ve done successful rom-coms, like xxxx.

Or

— You’ve done great cli-fi movies, like xxx.

HOW DOES THE MOVIE END?

— For the SETUP, in Act One Ellie takes her club to the Sea Turtle Rescue Center, where a visitor claims global warming can’t harm the turtles, it’s a hoax, remember the great Texas freeze. A staff says that freeze also harmed the turtles and they had to call on locals to help save cold-stunned turtles from drowning.

— In the final scenes the wedding during the worse-ever freeze is disrupted by the Turtle Center calling on locals to help save hundreds of cold-stunned turtles. The wedding party rushes to the beach and ends up thigh-deep in the frigid Gulf in their wedding clothes rescuing turtles, where the pastor finally pronounces them married.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Pitch Fest Pitch

I LEARNED that this was hard, especially finding actors for the roles, and especially actors into climate activism — which might help bring them on board this cli-fi movie. However, I also found a good possibility for my main protag, one with a direct email contact, which I might use later as a foot in a door. I also tweaked my character description a bit to make it right for her.

================================================

MY PITCH FEST PITCH

Hi, I’m Lynn Vincentnathan and have published a romance novel set in India, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, and won numerous awards for my five screenplays, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest Houston.

I have a Rom-Com script, WEATHERING IT that asks, would an eco-activist give up promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, an oil engineer?

Any questions? (beat) Would you like to see the script?

GIVE YOUR ONE OR TWO SENTENCE ANSWER TO EACH OF THESE QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT IS THE BUDGET RANGE?

— Low to mid-budget, $5 to $10 million

2. WHAT ACTORS DO YOU LIKE FOR THE LEAD ROLES?

— For the young couple, maybe Galilea La Salvia (a climate activist) and Noah Fearnley. For the grouchy uncles, maybe climate activists like Mark Ruffalo (or George Clooney) and Gregory Zaragoza (or Joaquin Phoenix).

3. GIVE ME THE ACTS OF THE STORY.

— Act 1: Struggling eco-activist Ellie is so guy-shy it takes Jim, who bets he’ll score but then falls in love with her, the whole first act to coax Ellie into a situationship, which he defines as “a no-commitment, no-regrets-if-you-drift-apart non-relationship.”

— Act 2: After some complications the couple goes from situationship to wedding plans, but then finds out they have opposing obligations and life goals — Ellie to help Uncle Layo with his alternative energy inventions; Jim to work at Uncle Fred’s oil engineering consultancy. They call it off at midpoint.

— Act 3: Both Ellie and Jim are devastated, but when Jim finds out his project at Fred’s firm would send the climate into a methane dragon apocalypse, he vows to halt the project and enlists Ellie to help. They are back to wedding plans, but because the two uncles nurse a long time hatred and Layo has disrupted weddings in Ellie’s family, they decide not to invite Layo.

— Act 4: When the worst-ever Texas freeze hits and the grid fails, their only option is to have the wedding at Layo’s off-grid ranch, bringing the warring uncles together with a weird reversal. At last the couple weds — in freezing Gulf waters rescuing cold-stunned turtles.

4. HOW DOES IT END? (SETUP / PAYOFF).

— In Act One Ellie promotes a college trip to the Sea Turtle Rescue Center, a friend bets Jim twenty he’ll freeze to death before reaching summit on Mount Everest with Ellie, and at the turtle center when a skeptic doubts turtles are harmed by global warming, citing the great Texas freeze, a staff says that freeze also harmed the turtles and they had to call on locals to help save cold-stunned turtles from drowning. Ellie’s nerdy friend tries and fails to explain the freeze was caused by global warming, which gets a clearer explanation in Act 4. In the final scenes the wedding is disrupted by the Turtle Center calling on locals to help save hundreds of cold-stunned turtles during the worse-ever freeze. The wedding party rushes to the beach and ends up thigh-deep in the frigid Gulf still in wedding clothes rescuing turtles. Jim pays his friend the twenty and the pastor pronounces the couple married… or baptized.

5. CREDIBILITY QUESTIONS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

— I published a romance novel set in India, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, and have written five screenplays, which have won numerous awards, including a Platinum and Gold Remi at WorldFest Houston.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Just found another Latino actor who might do for cantankerous Uncle Layo with a 177 starmeter rating: Javier Bardem (found him as the lead in MOTHER! and saw him in NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. He’s a great actor and he’s really into climate activism! The only problem is he’s 54 and the role calls for someone in their 60s. But I sort of figure by the time they might actually shoot the movie (if I’m so lucky), he would be close to or over 60, and with make-up would look fine as someone in their 60s who “looks wild with unkempt facial hair and mussed clothes.”

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Query Letter

I LEARNED that I had to really cut and jazz this up, but it is much better than the boilerplate ones I’ve done for Virtual Pitchfest. As before I did two — one for those into climate change and one for those into Rom-Coms.

=====================================================================

QUERY LETTER for those into Climate Change:

Would an eco-activist give up promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, an oil engineer?

Dear xxx,

With climate change an ever-increasing concern, how about a climate fiction romantic comedy (a cli-fi rom-com)? In this comedic Romeo and Juliet story set in tropical Tejano South Texas — think TICKET TO PARADISE — struggling eco-activist Ellie plans to help Uncle Layo on his whacky off-grid ranch. Jim covers his dreaded obligation to work for Uncle Fred’s oil engineering firm by being a playboy.

When the couple meets at college, Jim bets a friend he can score with Ellie. Instead, they fall in love only to find out their uncles nurse a long-time hatred that tears them apart. Just as they get back together, the worst-ever of Texas freeze and grid-failure quashes their wedding plans and gives skeptic Fred ammo against Layo. Their only option, hold it at Layo’s off-grid ranch. But will the two uncles tear them apart for good?

Youth will love this for its focus on climate change and for the college and beach settings. As a rom-com it will have wide audience appeal. As for actors, the young couple would attract up and coming actors in their 20s and the crotchety old uncles, seasoned actors concerned about climate change.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: Lynn helped establish an Environmental Studies Program and has written five screenplays, which have won numerous contests, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest-Houston.

Thanks for your consideration,

Lynn Vincentnathan
Address
Phone
Email
Webpage

———————————————————–

QUERY LETTER for those into Rom-Coms:

Would an eco-activist give up promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, an oil engineer?

Dear xxx,

In this comedic Romeo and Juliet story set in tropical Tejano South Texas — think TICKET TO PARADISE — struggling eco-activist Ellie plans to help Uncle Layo on his whacky off-grid ranch. Jim covers his dreaded obligation to work for Uncle Fred’s oil engineering firm by being a playboy.

When the couple meets at college, Jim bets a friend he can score with Ellie. Instead, they fall in love only to find out their uncles nurse a long-time hatred that tears them apart. Just as they get back together, the worst-ever of Texas freeze and grid-failure quashes their wedding plans, leaving their only option to hold it at Layo’s off-grid ranch. But will the two uncles tear them apart for good?

Youth will love this for its focus on climate change and for the college and beach settings. As a rom-com it will have wide audience appeal. As for actors, the young couple would attract up and coming actors in their 20s and the crotchety old uncles, seasoned actors concerned about climate change.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

BIO: Lynn has written five screenplays, which have won numerous contests, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest-Houston.

Thanks for your consideration,

Lynn Vincentnathan
Address
Phone
Email
Webpage

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch

I LEARNED from this lesson that my story is a bit weak on conflict (though I’ve jazzed that up), but I can still put it in the best possible light with these High Concept and Elevator Pitch instructions.

The elevator pitch assignment also brought to mind the “major news story” that inspired my script — we actually lived through and suffered the great Texas freeze and grid failure of 2021. Fortunately we had our goose-down comforter and several other comforters from when we lived up north :). Unfortunately we have an all electric house and were not able to cook or make coffee, etc etc. And then we had to listen to skeptics harking on climate change as a hoax and wind power causing the grid failiure, with me having difficulty explaining the increasing severe freezes are caused by global warming….

=========================================

HIGH CONCEPT (using DILEMMA):

Would an eco-activist give up her goal of promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, who’s obligated to work for an oil engineering consultancy?

==========================================

ELEVATOR PITCH

A. Using a MAJOR NEWS ITEM: I’m writing a story involving a great Texas freeze and grid-failure, worse than the one in 2021, and how skeptics use it to claim climate change is a hoax and wind turbines caused the grid to fail.

B. Using the HIGH CONCEPT: I’m finishing up a story that asks would an eco-activist give up her goal of promoting alternative energy to marry the man she loves, who’s obligated to work for an oil engineering consultancy on deep Arctic Ocean drilling?

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Synopsis Hooks

I LEARNED that the MITs and COMs really help create better synopses, and that I need at least 2 depending on what type of prodco or agent I submit to. I added an intro paragraph for those seeking climate change stories. Also this is flexible; I created another MIT, “GREAT SETTINGS.” I checked “how to write a synopsis” on the internet and saw they suggest about 400 words, and I needed more words to get in all the important MITs & COMs than the 141 used for Zombieland here, so I beefed it up. Maybe it is too long & I may have to cut back…

==============================================================================

FOR PRODCOS into Climate Change

With climate change an ever-increasing problem, climate fiction (cli-fi) features are on the rise. Most center on climate disasters and apocalyptic worlds. How about a cli-fi romantic comedy that gives climate change a more central focus than “The American President,” which used it as a device and was quite prescient for its time.

In this comedic Romeo and Juliet story set in the Tejano area of tropical South Texas, struggling eco-activist Ellie, guy-shy from father abandonment and eco-despair, plans to help her misanthropic uncle on his whacky off-grid ranch. Jim covers his dreaded obligation to work for his cantankerous uncle’s oil engineering consultancy by being a playful playboy.

When the couple meets at college, Jim bets a friend he can score with Ellie. Instead, they fall in love only to find out their uncles nurse a long-time hatred that tears them apart. Should Ellie give up her life goals of saving the earth to help Jim struggle with his uncle? Should Jim shaft his uncle and beloved mom, go with Ellie, and follow his dream of getting into alternative energy? Will Ellie’s uncle even accept him, the nephew of his arch-enemy?

What about the grid-collapsing Texas extreme freezes of recent years? Do they give Jim’s uncle ammo that climate change is a hoax? Hint: they do not. When the worst-ever of these throws them into a grid-failure deep-freeze and darkness, the only option for the couple is to hold their wedding at the off-grid ranch, if Ellie’s uncle is willing.

Youth will love this for its focus on climate change and the college setting. As a rom-com it will have wide audience appeal.

As for actor attraction, the young couple would appeal to up and coming actors in their 20s and the crotchety old uncles would appeal to seasoned actors concerned about climate change.

[[304 words]]

—————-

FOR PRODCOS into Rom-Coms

In this comedic Romeo and Juliet story set in the Tejano area of tropical South Texas — think “Ticket to Paradise” — struggling eco-activist Ellie, guy-shy from father abandonment and eco-despair, plans to help her misanthropic uncle on his whacky off-grid ranch. Jim covers his dreaded obligation to work for his cantankerous uncle’s oil engineering consultancy by being a playful playboy.

When the couple meets at college, Jim bets a friend he can score with Ellie. Instead, they fall in love only to find out their uncles nurse a long-time hatred that tears them apart. Should Ellie give up her life goals of saving the earth to help Jim struggle with his uncle? Should Jim shaft his uncle and beloved mom, go with Ellie, and follow his dream of getting into alternative energy? Will Ellie’s uncle even accept him, the nephew of his arch-enemy?

What about the grid-collapsing Texas extreme freezes of recent years? Do they give Jim’s uncle ammo that climate change is a hoax? Hint: they do not. When the worst-ever of these throws them into a grid-failure deep-freeze and darkness, the only option for the couple is to hold their wedding at the off-grid ranch, if Ellie’s uncle is willing.

Youth will love this for its college setting and focus on climate change. As a rom-com it will have wide audience appeal.

As for actor attraction, the young couple would appeal to up and coming actors in their 20s and the crotchety old uncles would appeal to seasoned actors concerned about climate change.

[[256 words]]

——————————————————-

HOOKS USED:

COM D. TIMELY. Climate change is here to stay and will be getting worse over 100s of years, so this script is ever more timely as time goes on.

COM A. UNIQUE. In being both a Rom-Com and cli-fi (climate fiction), while most cli-fis center on disasters or post-apocalyptic worlds.

MIT 11. GREAT SETTINGS? Tropical South Texas, Tejano land, college campus, beach, whacky off-grid ranch.

COM I. SIMILARITY TO A BOX-OFFICE SUCCESS. It is written along the lines of “The American President” (Rom-Com, climate change conflict) and “Ticket to Paradise” (tropical setting, comedic Romeo & Juliet aspect).

MIT 2. MAJOR HOOK OF YOUR OPENING SCENE? Ellie unsuccessfully tries to get students eco-concerned, while Jim wants to score with guy-shy Ellie.

MIT 1. WHAT IS MOST UNIQUE ABOUT YOUR VILLAIN AND HERO? Antagonist Layo, a whacky misanthrope and alt energy inventor, wants to save the earth, but is unwilling to reveal his inventions to help save the earth.

MIT 4. EMOTIONAL DILEMMA?

– Should Jim shaft his uncle and mom, go with Ellie, and follow his dream?

– Should Ellie give up her life goal of saving the earth and helping uncle, and help Jim struggle with his Uncle’s anti-environmental business?

MIT 8. OR ANY BIG SURPRISES? The big Texas freezes are not proof against global warming, but are actually caused by it.

MIT 3. ANY TURNING POINTS? Worst-ever Texas freeze and grid failure brings the wedding to a halt

COM G. WIDE AUDIENCE APPEAL. Youth will like it for its college focus and environmental issues. It has romance and comedy, an overall appeal.

COM J. A GREAT ROLE FOR A BANKABLE ACTOR. While the couple would appeal to up and coming actors in their 20s, the crotchety old uncles would very much appeal to seasoned actors, especially those into climate change or other eco-issues

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s 10 Most Interesting Things

I LEARNED that I not only did this list help me find some interesting things (maybe not all 10 are great), but the whole impetus for writing this script (global warming is worsening the freezes) was one of them, and I’d sort of forgotten that.

==========================================

GO THROUGH YOUR PROJECT AND SEE WHICH OF THESE SPECIFIC HOOKS YOU HAVE:

A. WHAT IS MOST UNIQUE ABOUT YOUR VILLAIN AND HERO? Antagonist Layo, a whacky misanthrope and alt energy inventor, wants to save the earth, but is unwilling to reveal his inventions to help save the earth.

B. MAJOR HOOK OF YOUR OPENING SCENE? Ellie unsuccessfully tries to get students eco-concerned, while Jim wants to lay guy-shy Ellie.

C. ANY TURNING POINTS? Worst-ever Texas freeze and grid failure brings the wedding to a halt

D. EMOTIONAL DILEMMA?

– Should Jim shaft his uncle and mom, go with Ellie, and follow his dream? ((Mack says, I warned you not to get involved))

– Should Ellie give up her life goals of saving the earth and helping Layo and go along with Jim, help him struggle with

his Uncle’s anti-environmental business?

E. MAJOR TWISTS? Jim is not obligated to Uncle Fred. His mom and Fred just wanted him to grow up.

F1. REVERSALS? The weather goes from extraordinarily hot to extraordinarily cold. Either way the characters have to “weather it.”

F2. REVERSALS (CHARACTER JOURNEYS):

– Ellie goes from shy and somewhat compliant to taking charge of Jim and the situation when she comes to understand her father abandonment wound & eco-despair and how she needs to confront rather than shrink back.

– Jim goes from playful playboy to serious young man intent on marriage and saving the earth with Ellie.

– Fred goes from hating alternative energy to being intrigued and willing to help Layo.

– Layo becomes open to engaging the world.

G. CHARACTER BETRAYALS? Fred betrayed Jim after his father died AND Layo decades ago.

H. OR ANY BIG SURPRISES? The big Texas freezes are not proof against global warming, but are actually caused by it.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Meets Producer/Manager

I LEARNED that I need 2 different approaches for producers and managers, and also tweaking regarding specific companies that have different foci. A boilerplate won’t do.

================

Imagine you have two meetings set up — with a producer and then with a manager. What would you say and do differently based upon this model?

1. HOW WILL YOU PRESENT YOURSELF AND YOUR PROJECT TO THE PRODUCER?

I’ve been writing climate fiction screenplays for a couple a decades in the sci-fi and action genres, winning top awards at over twenty film festivals, including a Platinum Remi from WorldFest Houston.

Searching for what will entice audiences, I hit on this fun rom-com idea that gives as much space to solutions as to problems.

WEATHERING IT is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

This modern-day Romeo and Juliet comedic story is set in the tropical Rio Grande Valley of Texas and written along the lines of TICKET TO PARADISE, but focuses on the young couple.

Audiences, especially the youth, will love this refreshing cli-fi departure from bleak apocalyptic depictions. Although it’s unique, it is also at the intersection of THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, a rom-com, with a climate change subtheme; DOCTOR DOLITTLE, for its focus on wildlife; AVATAR for its focus on eco issues; and YOU’VE GOT MAIL — the college couple falls in love, but doesn’t realize until midpoint that that they have opposing life directions. Ellie is an ardent eco-activist, committed to helping her whacky uncle on his off-grid ranch, while Jim is obligated to work at his grinchy uncle’s petroleum engineering consultancy. The two uncles nurse a long-time hatred that threatens to tear the couple apart.

Climate change is becoming an evermore timely subject, the majority of the world’s population are now concerned about it, and rom-coms (mine would be G or PG rated) have that universal, big tent appeal. Green-focused actors and directors would surely be interested in participating.

Please let me know if I can send you the script, and thanks for your time and consideration.

2. HOW WILL YOU PRESENT YOURSELF AND YOUR PROJECT TO A MANAGER?

I’ve been writing screenplays for several decades, taken a lot of screenwriting courses, including Screenwriting University’s fabulous Writing Incredible Movies. That course in particular has taught me how to grind out a first draft in a few weeks, then rewrite, revise, and polish in several successive drafts.

My first four screenplays have won over twenty top awards in competitions, including best screenplay at the Miami Sci Fi Film Festival and at ZedFest, and I have received Platinum, Gold, and Silver Remis at WorldFest Houston.

All of my screenplays deal with climate change in some way, a topic becoming evermore timely and of increasing public concern. I’ve written my stories in several genre: three, sci-fi; one, action; and my fifth, which I’ve just finished polishing, is a rom-com. I also published a romance novel years ago, so I am comfortable writing in many media and absolutely love screenwriting.

I am now looking for representation as I push forward with my screenplays and start to dig into my future screenplays in various stages of development, from concepts to outlines.

I’d like to have you look at my current one, WEATHERING IT, or any that may interest you. It is a modern-day Romeo and Juliet comedic story, set in the tropical Rio Grande Valley of Texas, and written along the lines of TICKET TO PARADISE, but focuses on the young couple.

LOGLINE: Two college students struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

Audiences, especially the youth, will love this cli-fi departure from bleak apocalyptic depictions. Although it’s unique, it is also at the intersection of THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, a rom-com, with a climate change subtheme; DOCTOR DOLITTLE, for its focus on wildlife; AVATAR for its focus on eco issues; and YOU’VE GOT MAIL — the college couple falls in love, but doesn’t realize until midpoint that that they have opposing life directions. Ellie is an ardent eco-activist, committed to helping her whacky uncle on his off-grid ranch, while Jim is obligated to work at his grinchy uncle’s petroleum engineering consultancy. The two uncles nurse a long time hatred that threatens to tear the couple apart.

Please let me know if I can send you the script, and thanks for your time and consideration.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Marketable Components

CONCEPT: Two college students struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that WI hit most of the buttons, and in future scripts I need to be more aware of these right from the start. Also that I can use these when revising further.

================

A. UNIQUE. In being both a Rom-Com and cli-fi (climate fiction), except for maybe The American President.

B. GREAT TITLE: Simple and it not only applies literally — they have to weather the heat from climate change and also the great freeze — but also figuratively, putting up with the flack, resistance, and heart-break.

C. TRUE. N/A, except it is based on true science and things I experienced as an eco-activist

D. TIMELY. Climate change is here to stay and will be getting worse over 100s of years, so it is ever more timely as time goes on.

E. IT’S A FIRST. N/A

F. ULTIMATE. The worst ever Texas freeze and grid collapse.

G. WIDE AUDIENCE APPEAL. Youth will like it for its college focus and environmental issues. It has romance and comedy, an overall appeal.

H. ADAPTED FROM A POPULAR BOOK. N/A

I. SIMILARITY TO A BOX-OFFICE SUCCESS. It is a modern day Romeo and Juliet comedic story somewhat written along the lines “American President” (Rom-Com, climate change conflict), “Free Willy” (wildlife, eco themes), and “You’ve Got Mail” (the couple doesn’t find out until midpoint that they have opposing life plans).

J. A GREAT ROLE FOR A BANKABLE ACTOR. While the couple would appeal to up and coming actors in their 20s, the crotchety old uncles would very much appeal to seasoned actors, especially those into climate change or other eco-issues.

——————————-

THE TWO MOST PROMISING COMPONENTS:

TIMELY: Climate change will be getting worse over 100s of years (1000s of years the way things are NOT going, as my protag points out), so screenplays incorporating it are ever more timely as time goes on. And romance is timeless.

WIDE AUDIENCE APPEAL. Youth will like it for its college focus and environmental issues. It has the overall appeal of romance and comedy.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Project and Market

I LEARNED that I’ll need to target several different marketing places, since my script is both a Rom-Com and Cli-Fi

==================================

1. GIVE US YOUR:

GENRE: Romantic Comedy, subgenre Climate Fiction (Cli-Fi)

TITLE: Weathering It

CONCEPT: Two college students struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

2. IN ONE OR TWO SENTENCES, TELL US WHAT YOU THINK IS MOST ATTRACTIVE ABOUT YOUR STORY.

This is a modern-day Romeo and Juliet comedic story that involves environmental themes and conflicts. It is set in the Rio Grande Valley of Texas with its Tejano subculture.

3. TELL US WHICH YOU WILL TARGET FIRST:

I would target production companies of actors passionate about climate change, with the idea that if my script is not of interest to them, they might point me in the direction of a company or manager who would be interested. Since I am only aware of DiCaprio’s Appian Way at this point, I may quickly go to choice 2 and 3…

Secondarily I would target production companies and producers into Rom-Coms. Third, those who have produced environmentally themed movies.

I’d need separate pitches and foci for each one.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Wordsmithing!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that I just 🙂 wasn’t able to get rid of all those KEY WORDS, but reduced them by more than half. I had 45 “justs” in dialogue, 7 in action and reduced them to 13 in dialogue, 2 in action.

I understand ACTION is better than mere DESCRIPTION, but I had to use “is” for a lot of my descriptions in cases in which rewording would have made it worse. However, many times getting rid of key words, including “is,” made the sentences better and stronger.

TIGHTENING re orphan lines and page reducing almost always makes for better writing.

Aside from tips mentioned in the lesson, I think there are words that shouldn’t be used more than once or twice in a script. I thought I had overused “cringe” but found only 5; I looked up synonyms and was able to replace 3 of them with different words. Also, it seems that mundane, unobtrusive words like “walk” can be used more times than flashier, more specific words like “ambles,” “strides,” or “pads.”

============================

I must have made 100 changes. Lost track of which were best.

Here are some from the first few scenes:

1. “Anime Club poster, an ANIME PIZZA SLICE GOING INTO A MOUTH.” To “Anime Club poster, an ANIME PIZZA SLICE IN A MOUTH.”

2. “Just then a strikingly handsome LATINO (GECKO, 22) — self-absorbed, somewhat mechanical with emotions-lacking Aspergers — comes from a distance in a HERD OF STUDENTS.” To “A handsome Latino, GECKO (22), self-absorbed, approaches from a distance in a HERD OF STUDENTS.” [the Aspergers arises later in dialogue, no need to include here].

3. “Layo pauses, looks at her suspiciously.” To “Layo eyes her.“

4. “The car speeds, recklessly passing other cars.” To “The car zips around other cars.“

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Has Tested Every Line!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that it’s not only a matter of reducing pages to make a script more appealing re page count, but reducing the action/description and making it more zippy so as to appeal to the word-weary reader. And I found this can easily be done. It’s much easier than elevating the dialogue.

I thought I had already been reducing/condensing the action dialogue all along to reduce page count, but in this lesson I found I could 1. Reduce words/lines, 2. Make them read easier and more quickly, 3. And deliver the same meaning, or at least get the important aspects across.

===========================================

I reduced my script by 2.5 pages in this lesson. Yay!! Hope to reduce even more…

In the following brief scene I reduced the action/description by 4 lines, or from a 3/4 page scene to a 1/2 page scene, though movie time with beautiful visuals would/could be longer. I’m also thinking I could cut the entire scene if necessary since it doesn’t advance the plot that much. The previous scene has a horrible interaction with Jim’s s Uncle Fred that could turn Ellie off of Houston and marriage to Jim. In this scene using great visuals Ellie gains a more positive view of Houston and Jim, making the marriage now more likely. (Several scenes later, it is Jim who calls off the marriage…. but Ellie hereafter is more on board)

BEFORE:

INT. BUTTERFLY MUSEUM, HOUSTON – DAY

Ellie and Jim are in super-snit mode, Ellie more so, stiff, traumatized as they enter the upper level of the butterfly greenhouse garden. Jim, arm around Ellie, side-squeezes her and points at a beautiful butterfly. Ellie half-smiles, looks up at Jim.

They start wandering down the winding path between lush tropical plants and a multitude of gorgeous butterflies flitting all around. As they descend deeper into the garden, Ellie relaxes and gets into the spirit of overwhelming beauty, stopping to gaze at various butterflies.

By the time they reach the bottom at the pond Ellie is in awe and wonder, happier than we’ve ever seen her.

ELLIE: Oh, Jim, you’re wonderful knowing I needed this… this… beauty.

OTHERS watch as Ellie gives Jim a peck-kiss on the cheek. He puts his arm around her pulls her to his side, giving the spectators a cat smile and Groucho raised eyebrows.

JIM: Now to the beach.

AFTER:

INT. BUTTERFLY CENTER, HOUSTON – DAY

Ellie and Jim in super-snit, traumatized enter the upper level of the butterfly center. Jim side-squeezes her, points at a beautiful butterfly. She half-smiles, looks up at him.

They wander down the lush tropical garden with a multitude of gorgeous butterflies flitting all around. As they descend deeper, Ellie relaxes, awed by the overwhelming beauty, stops to gaze at various butterflies.

They reach the bottom pond. Ellie is happier than we’ve ever seen her.

ELLIE: Oh, Jim, you’re wonderful knowing I needed this… this… beauty.

OTHERS watch as Ellie gives Jim a kiss on the cheek. He side-hugs her, gives spectators a cat smile and Groucho eyebrows.

JIM: Now to the beach.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Module 9 isn’t up yet, but I find synonym lists helpful. Here’s one for “walk”: https://www.dailywritingtips.com/60-synonyms-for-walk/

It starts:

1. Amble: walk easily and/or aimlessly
2. Bounce: walk energetically
3. Clump: walk heavily and/or clumsily
4. Falter: walk unsteadily
5. Foot it: depart or set off by walking
6. Footslog: walk through mud
7. Gimp: see limp
8. Hike: take a long walk, especially in a park or a wilderness area
9. Hobble: walk unsteadily or with difficulty; see also limp
10. Hoof it: see “foot it”
11. Leg it: see “foot it”
12. Limp: walk unsteadily because of injury, especially favoring one leg; see also falter
13. Lumber: walk slowly and heavily
14. Lurch: walk slowly but with sudden movements, or furtively
15. March: walk rhythmically alone or in a group according to a specified procedure
——————————

I’ve also stored up files on “wince” and facial expressions, etc.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Here’s another great one: https://bluecatscreenplay.com/the-bluecat-screenplay-competition-blog/1000-words-write/

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn had Amazing Dialogue!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that there is always room for improving the dialogue, no matter how many rewrites I’ve done. Also by looking at script vs. movies, I see a lot of better dialogue in the movies, but as a spec writer I need to do that in the script AMAP.

===============================================

One problem my script has is it’s too preachy about climate change, so:

1. Jim leads Ellie in a prayer, first for the turtles they just saw, she adds on “And to end global warming.” Then Jim adds on: “And for the doofuses who deny it.”

I changed this latter to:

“And for the doofuses of the world. Like me.” (This fits since he has just found out her uncle is his pastor and he’s changing his plan from bedding her to getting serious.)

2. I also changed the word “deniers” a few scenes later to “skeptics.”

3. I spill the beans too much when Ellie explains her wound & fear of losing her temper on page 30 (when she has just shied from plates breaking in the cafeteria) from: “Mom broke a lot of dishes once… in a fit of rage and… Never mind” to “Mom broke a lot of dishes once… and… Never mind.” Then the whole & better story comes out in her monologue on page 82.

4. In a scene before Jim realizes he serious about Ellie (see #1), he’s driving recklessly. His friend tells him “Hey, buddy, trying to kill us? Slow down.” To “Hey, buddy, Slow down. I’m not part of your death wish.” The former sounded a bit generic and the latter helps get the point across better that Jim has some issues.

Made many more changes, mostly just wordsmithing, but a few more important changes, plus I need to see if I can redo a particular scene….

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’ve been worried about my sagging 3rd Act, so I’m making it a bit more iffy about whether it will work out for the couple (and I may have to do much more as I improve it). So I changed the following:

ELLIE: I’ve also been thinking, Jim.
Without you I’m as effective as the
living dead. But I won’t mess it up
between you and your mother.
(voice warble)
If I still had MY mother, I
wouldn’t hurt her for anything. So
I’ll go to Houston with you.

Changed the last part to: So– (no enthusiasm) I’ll go to Houston with you.

AND the following responses:

JIM: No Ellie. It’s a big fat city.
You’d hate it.

ELLIE
(tsks): I’ve been there. It’s okay. We’ll
do something better than Uncle
Layo’s closed circuit ranch.
(off his skeptical look)
I finally realized that I just
wanted to hide out at his ranch,
avoid the world. So I insist.

I cut out “We’ll do something better…” so as not to make it too hopeful, but kept “I finally realized I just wanted to hide out at Uncle Layo’s ranch, avoid the world. So, yeh, I’ll go with you.”

AND

ELLIE: I’m all in, Jim. I think God had
better plans than mine. So… it
feels right. Like it’s meant to be.
But I worry they [his uncle and mom] won’t like me.

JIM: Let’s just enjoy our time before
arriving at the Houston gallows.
(off Ellie’s worry)
Gallows humor.

Jim warms her with his heart-melting smile, then kisses her
passionately. A lone passer-by CLAPS.

TO:

ELLIE: I worry they won’t like me.

JIM: And I worry you won’t like Uncle
Fred or his business. But let’s just enjoy our time
before arriving at the Houston
gallows.
(off Ellie’s worry)
Gallows humor.

Jim warms her with his heart-melting smile, then kisses her.
A lone passer-by CLAPS.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Has Incredible Monologues

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that it’s okay to have long dialogue entries (monologues) IF they are demanded by the situation, takes us to a deeper place, serve as a turning point, are emotional, are high stakes, and have a beginning, middle, and ending.

===================================================================

Protag Ellie sort of had such a monologue (not very long or developed). I have now increased and improved it.

It’s near the end of Act 3 after Jim has called off the wedding even tho he loves her because he wants her to go ahead with her mission to help her Uncle Layo “save the earth.” Up until this point Ellie has been somewhat of a retreatist due to her perceived anger problem. As the story has progressed Ellie has become a more capable “people person,” using finesse and tact with people, but hasn’t lost all her meekness, fear of “breaking things/relationships,” tearfully accepting Jim’s calling off their marriage. And then:

Ellie’s sitting on the bed.

JIM: You okay?

ELLIE: No, I’m not. My father left Mom and me and it ruined our lives. She loved him to the end. It likely gave her the cancer, so he took Mom away from me as well.

Jim face fills with sorrow.

ELLIE: But the thing is I was just five and what I remember is Mom’s terrible fit of rage, breaking dishes, and I blamed her for years for pushing him out. But she only did that after he left. I understand now at a gut level it wasn’t because of her anger. So– (stronger voice) I’m taking the reins.

Ellie stands, fists on hips. Jim sits down in the chair.

ELLIE: Let me tell you, Jim Higson, I’m not going to end up like my mom. We’re getting married. You’re not the only one making decisions. I’m Texas woman strong. You can’t railroad me off my track. I’ll Sadie Hawkins you all the way to the altar.

JIM: But–

ELLIE: No buts or you’ll be landing on yours. The wedding is on. I’ll find a way to pursue my dreams, help Uncle Layo, AND face life with you.

JIM (fake distaste): So you’re going to be one of those equality wives?

ELLIE: Dang right. Maybe even domineering.

JIM (sighs): I still don’t feel right about it. I just told Uncle Fred–

ELLIE: I’ll handle it.

… She goes on to confront Uncle Fred and then handle the worse situation that arises in Act 4.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Before jumping into this assignment, here is another great monologue from Quint in Jaws (1975) – The Indianapolis Speech Scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9S41Kplsbs

Another thing, here is the screenplay version (shooting draft) of THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA – “Cerulean Sweater Scene monologue,” which is shorter and not as good as the final movie version. I’m thinking it is partly because writers are afraid to write long monologues and somewhat struggle to reduce pages to have it accepted and/or the movie within budget.

MIRANDA: This… stuff? Okay. I understand. You think this has nothing to do with you. Let’s talk for a moment about that awful blue sweater you’re wearing. Cameron Diaz wore a dress that color on the cover of Runway. The same shade of blue quickly appeared in eight other designers’ collections, then went to the secondary designers, the department store labels, and to some lovely Old Navy, where you no doubt found it. That blue is worth many millions of dollars and countless jobs. And it was selected by the people in this room from a pile of… stuff.

NOTE: in the movie, while delivering her monologue Miranda is selecting accessories and a jacket for the ballerina dress. I think the movement may help the visuals during such a monologue.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I need to study a lot more about how to introduce more intrigue and suspense into my scripts.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR: BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, AND SETUPS/PAYOFFS.

– not familiar with this series and couldn’t get the link, but figured it must be from Season 8, Episode 3 “The Long Night.”

– based on that (I watched about 15 minutes), they are preparing for a big epic battle against terrifying forces. This comes through by all the extreme battle preparations, the array of the huge army, and the fear on all their faces.

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– not into such movies, but it does have a lot of suspense, holding the audience glued to the tube.

WHAT ARE YOUR INSIGHTS ABOUT STACKING INTRIGUE?

– not sure what this means, but am looking into it online. There is “stacking suspense,” so I’m reading more about suspense and how to create it. I imagine this means having various plotlines or complications, each adding to the suspense of making the audience thing, what will happen, will the good guys win, will it all get straightened out?

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE:

– easier to write, very expensive to produce (tho I noticed a few tricks to make it seem like a gigantic cast of 1000s

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’m wondering when Module 9 (Create a Complete Marketing Campaign for Your Script!) will open up.

Also some FINAL WORDSMITHING TIPS that help me beyond spell check:

1. Print out the script and read it hard copy

2. Use SPEECH CONTROL that reads it out to you. On FINAL DRAFT, it is under “Tools.” You can assign various male and female voices to your characters. You’d be surprised how many mistakes I find that way, in addition to things that need tweaking.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I LEARNED that visual/audio scenes can tell us a lot without any dialogue or VOs. I do need to see what I can do with this, even in a RomCom. But I did a little of it.

I needed to cover several weeks of time in my script after they’ve decided to marry showing the romance is on and/or getting deeper, which might be boring if done as 2-3 page scenes with dialogue. Not filling those time gaps would have forced me to do a lot of exposition. So I decided to do two series of shots, no dialogue. These ties up loose ends (payoffs), give some set-ups, and give flavor of the setting, Tejano subculture, and story. More importantly the 2nd series below also shows the weird fluctuating weather by the clothes they wear (setup for the big freeze and power outage):

SERIES OF SHOTS [after Halloween to Thanksgiving]:

A. INT. THE MARRIAGE BARN decorated for Dia de los Muertos. MARIACHI MUSIC. Murals of skeleton mariachis and dancers. Ofrenda tables with PHOTOS of persons, candles, flowers, fruits, pan dulce, and calaveras (colorful skulls). PEOPLE file past these as Ellie and Jim talk to Rudy MOS.

B. INT. THE MARRIAGE BARN, same setting. Ellie takes Jim to a table with a photo of a woman, then Jim takes Ellie to a table with a photo of a man. Their deceased parents.

C. EXT. CAMPUS WALKWAY. Jim and Ellie in short sleeves walk along so into each other that they fumble their books, making them look like clumsy clowns. Ursula walks by with a snicker.

D. INT. MARRIAGE BARN in Beach Theme. Luz and Javi marry, Ellie the bridesmaid, Gecko the best man, Jim in attendance. Ellie fails to catch the bouquet. It falls into a SMALL GIRL’S hands. Fake disappointment, bright smile for the girl.

D. INT. COLLEGE BALLROOM. Barn theme with a banner, “THE SADIE HAWKINS DANCE.” Jim and Ellie dressed in hick clothes, along with OTHER STUDENTS, dancing.

E. INT. THE LIBRARY. Ellie and Jim studying in adjacent carrels, Jim stands to make faces at her over the separator.

F. INT. THE LIBRARY. Ellie creeps up and tickles Jim’s neck. He grabs her without looking up from his laptop.

G. EXT. THE BEACH. In windbreakers and long pants they walk holding hands. Jim bends down to seemingly pick up a shell, but pulls from his pocket a shell box and presents it to Ellie, who opens it. Inside script “Will You Marry Me” and a butterfly engagement ring. He puts it on her and they kiss.

H. EXT./INT. PARKING LOT/CAR. They load the car with carry-ons then get in. Jim starts the car.

JIM: Houston, we have a problem. [a reference to problems they’ll have with Uncle Fred that may tear them apart.]

ELLIS: I know. Gallows humor.

The car heads out of the lot and down the road.

Then later (after difficulties making it all okay with Uncle Fred during Thanksgiving break) more shots to cover a shorter time gap:

SERIES OF SHOTS [after Thanksgiving break thru finals to Dec 6th]:

A. EXT. LIBRARY – DAY. Ellie and Jim in jackets head into the library with book bags.

B. INT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT – DAY. Ellie unpacks a lacy cotton wedding gown, veil nearby. We only get a glimpse. Jen helps.

C. EXT. CAFETERIA – DAY. Jim and Ellie in short sleeves enter the cafeteria, as Ursula leaves, giving them a sneer.

D. EXT. LIBRARY – NIGHT. Ellie and Jim, short sleeved, emerge from the library with piles of books.

E. INT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT. Ellie and Jen, short sleeves, at the table with their laptops writing papers.

F. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY. Jim in a pullover sweater takes an exam with OTHER STUDENTS, as the PROFESSOR stalks around.

G. INT. ANOTHER CLASSROOM – DAY. Ellie, long sleeves, sweater on back of chair, takes an exam with OTHER STUDENTS, as the ANOTHER PROFESSOR sits up front, eyeing the students.

H. INT. MARRIAGE BARN – DAY. Jim and Ellie, long sleeves and jackets, are with Rudy going over wedding preparations.

[The next couple of scenes entail the deep freeze and statewide power outage — disrupting their wedding plans.]

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST FOR: BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, AND SETUP/PAYOFFS.

– I had to look at the script to figure out what’s going on. What did the scene reveal (without that) — pants flying, an RV recklessly going on a road. Man only in underpants wearing a gas mask driving, passenger in gas mask slumped beside him (why is he only in undies??), some drunk or dead guys in back. Lots of junk rumbling around inside (not sure what it is). RV crashes, man gets out, distressed, seems sick (? from something dangerous or poisonous in the RV ??). Sirens — police are after him. Stress-thinks what to do. Puts on a shirt (slumped passenger in view). Gets a gun from dead man, a his wallet and a recorder. Gets out again and start his confession into the camcorder.

WATCH 2ND FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– very suspenseful, lots of mystery (what’s going on), police sirens amp it up. Desperate man, even though he looks like a regular middle-aged joe.

HOW 9 PIECES OF NEW INFO ARE REVEALED.

– as above. All without dialogue. Dirt road desert wilderness, reckless RV (escape), driver (regular joe), in undies (??), passenger out (drugged??), dead bodies (crime), sirens (they are after him), puts on glasses, later shirt (seems to be a decent guy), takes a gun (he’s desperate & sick — will he shoot the police, will he commit suicide?). Junk in the RV — will it explode or be evidence — seems to be dangerous?

HOW EACH REVEAL IS DEMANDED.

– rushing RV (why) — there seems to be a murder and illegal activity (bodies, junk, gas masks, police sirens)

HOW SOME REVEALS ANSWER QUESTIONS AND CREATE QUESTIONS AT THE SAME TIME.

Knowing a bit about the story, I think the RV is a drug lab, but that’s not clear to me from this scene.

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE:

– Lots of action and visuals, plus sirens — it’s a chase scene and there’s crime, which means good and bad guys. CONTRADICTIONS, ? fish out of water? : We wonder if the man is good (looks like a good type) or bad (situation indicates he’s in big trouble).

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I learned that you can go over-the-top extreme if you take it step by step. That not only brings the audience along, but also builds tension and suspense.

I’ll be looking for scenes in which I can use this technique. I don’t have like that and the ones I have don’t quite go to over-the-top extreme, but I do have one where Ellie has to convince Uncle Layo to host the wedding in his off-grid barn. She does this by asking the smallest thing first, working up to the biggy:

Ellie and Layo are sitting in the living room drinking hot chocolate.

LAYO: So you want your roommate to come [here]. That’s fine.

ELLIE: And, Tio, I have a boyfriend. Can he also come?

LAYO: There’re only two bedrooms. He could sleep on the sofa… As long as it’s not that Higson fellow.

ELLIE: It is, and we’re getting married.

LAYO: Married? What’s this all of a sudden. You’re just a baby.

ELLIE: I’m twenty-one, and abuelita got married at sixteen.

LAYO: Keep my sister-in-law out of this. So you’re getting married. What, after Spring graduation?

ELLIE: Well, uh, actually it was scheduled this coming Saturday.

Layo is gob smacked silent.

ELLIE: We knew you were against marriage, and especially my Jim, so–

LAYO: This was Rudy the mocoso’s idea not to invite ole Uncle Layo.

ELLIE: Well, sort of. [audience knows it’s because Layo’s nemesis, Fred, is Jim’s uncle and is invited]

LAYO: Look, Ellie, I did have a drinking problem, but he knows I gave that up years ago. (beat) I think I’ll get those old dusty tequila bottles out of the woodshed and down them.

He gets up to leave.

ELLIE: Anyway, The Marriage Barn [a wedding venue] lost power, so I was just wondering…

Whips around.

LAYO: You want it here?! (off her cringe-nod) L’audacia! First you don’t even come to see me for three months.

ELLIE: It’s been six weeks, Tio.

LAYO: That Geeko fellow.

ELLIE: Gecko.

LAYO: Whatever. He comes in his E.V. like clockwork twice a week to run on my wheel. Said he thought of marrying you. That would be something to consider before jumping blindly into the Higson snake pit.

ELLIE: I love Jim and we’re getting married and that’s that.

LAYO: Anyway, Geeko’s a strange fellow.

ELLIE: He has Aspergers, but he’s a genius, going to be a climate scientist in New York.

LAYO: And that would never do, since you’ll be staying here.

ELLIE: That’s another thing, Tio… It’s best to tell you now… Jim and I’ll be moving to Houston. It won’t work out for us to move here.

Layo turns, stomps out. Ellie follows him to

EXT. THE YARD

Ellie frantically follows Layo past the woodshed and into

INT. THE BARN

The pigs are in a small pen. The horse, cow, and goats are tethered. The chickens are in a large cage. Ten potted tropical plants line the sides. Two space heaters connected to Airlo and Airlene [compressed air systems] are stationed away from the animals.

Layo enters, then Ellie. Layo turns back.

LAYO: I’m not going for the sauce, Ellie. I wouldn’t waste it on a BAD occasion. I came to made sure the stock didn’t get loose and kick over the heaters.

Ellie looks around assessing.

ELLIE: This is warmer than my apartment and with more space heaters– (beat) It would be perfect. We could clean it up, decorate it. What’d’ya say, Tio Abuelito.

LAYO: No, no, no. A thousand no’s.

ELLIE: Does that mean yes? (beat) We plan to name our first son “Eladio” after you. Little Layo.

LAYO: You drive a hard bargain, Ellie. Okay, but not more than ten people, including me.

ELLIE: We’ve invited sixty.

LAYO: Uninvite them. You’re hard-hearted enough not to invite me. (off her distress) We can’t do more than fifteen. I have to keep the animals and me warm and I have limited power.

Ellie kisses Layo on the cheek.

ELLIE: One more thing. Do you have a small power station I can borrow?

Layo rolls his eyes, heads into the tack room.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, AND SETUPS/PAYOFFS.

– There’s some contention between Annie (suggesting a cheaper bridesmaid dress) and Helen (preferring the expensive one). At first Megan burps, then they are feeling queasy as they try on various dresses and then they go vomit or diarrhea in the toilet, sink, street. All the while Annie suggesting it’s not from the dinner she hosted. But the only one not affected is nemesis Helen, who didn’t eat that food.

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– the slowly impending “doom” of Annie’s dinner vs. Helen’s bridal shop spree

THE ESCALATION ON A GRADIENT FROM “NORMAL TO EXTREME.”

– they are all doing something different — deciding on beautiful dresses — as they go from queasy to over the top vomiting and diarrhea.

EXPRESS CHARACTER ON THE EDGE.

– they all seem to be on edge — those who ate the dinner physically, Annie striving to deflect from it’s her fault and denying her queasiness, the shop owner’s fear they’ll ruin the dresses.

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE:

– because it happens step-by-step the audience it taken along into over-the-top happenings, which otherwise they may not go. As for my part, I didn’t really like the movie or the scenes, mainly because Annie was not a sympathetic character for me. I don’t really sympathize with extreme jealousy, but I do understand there are people like that, and over-the-top competitive types like Helen, as well.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WHAT I LEARNED is that scenes with twists can be very powerful and propel the story in a different direction. They are also surprising and entertaining…. Keeping the audience awake.

I have a few scenes with twists — the major one being the first time the couple calls off their marriage at midpoint.

They are planning their wedding at the wedding venue when their opposing obligations are revealed to each other — the audience already knows but would have been wondering how this would impact them. They call off the wedding.

Many of my scenes prolong the conflict until the end, it seems something will happen (or not) and then the opposite occurs — these are not really strong twists as much as not knowing what the outcome of a conflict will be.

OTHER TWIST SCENES:

Scene 2, it seems Jim is really into Ellie, but at the end it become a bet between him and friend about whether he can get her in bed.

Pp. 36-40, The club trip to Layo’s off-grid ranch, it seems Jim is really getting into Ellie, her uncle and the ranch (something like that had always been his dream) when Layo hears his last name and goes ballistic — we already know Jim is obligated to his Uncle Fred Higson, who we now find out is Layo’s arch enemy nemesis — Juliet finds out Romeo is a Capulet. Just when it looked promising for the couple.

Pp. 69-71, In the oil consultancy office — looks like it’ll be totally negative with Fred coming down hard on Ellie, and then she defuses it and:

Mexican stand-off. Then Fred throws up his hands.

FRED: You’ve disarmed me, gal.

ELLIE: (baby voice) Can I call you “Tio”?

Fred smiles.

FRED: I might could warm to that.

Pp. 79-80, Jim is about to carry Ellie into his bedroom, then he plonks her down on the sofa and says can’t go through with this. She asks, did you hear me object? Jim: I don’t mean thaaat. I mean I’m calling off the marriage. I can’t take you away from your uncle and what you could do to help him.

Pp. 84-5. Their wedding is on, they finished exams and are returning library books, then the power gets cut statewide and their wedding it off again.

Pp. 99-108. In a series of scenes the wedding venue is now on Layo’s off-grid ranch and we’re expecting Fred, Layo’s nemesis, to come and ?? maybe they’ll totally blow up of everything. It does get bad, but then calms down as the real truth of their conflict is revealed. Then the wedding is held up by Layo and Fred making plans for an alt energy business — both suggesting the couple should really wait a few years to get married.

Pp. 108-111. The wedding is now happening, they are exchanging rings, then cell phones go off. The Turtle Center is calling on locals to help save cold-stunned turtles. They all rush out to help.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST FOR:

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, AND SETUP/PAYOFFS.

– a somewhat weak-looking man being interrogated by slow-low-voice-talking, dangerous looking fed-types, accusing him of leading a dual life — one re illegal computer stuff. Yet he protests his right to make a phone call. Then weirdly they make his mouth paste shut — really frightening. Then they hold him down and a scorpion-like creature slithers into his belly button — extremely horrifying. He screams, then wakes up from a nightmare. It was just a dream or ???

WATCH 2ND FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– bank of TV screens looking down on Neo. Feds enter, slap down a huge file, including damning info on him. Low/slow voice of Agent Smith. The mouth gluing together (they didn’t do anything to cause it — just Smith’s words), then the mechanical scorpion, then the big twist — he awakens from this nightmare… or so it seems.

HOW THE TWIST WAS SET UP.

– In an earlier scene with a side business client: NEO: “You ever have the feeling that you’re not sure if you’re awake or still dreaming?” CHOI: “All the time. It’s called mescaline and it is the only way to fly.”

– also the weird impossible things that are happening seem like a nightmare.

WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE TWIST.

– he wakes up and everything seems normal.

HOW THE TWIST CHANGED THE DIRECTION AND MEANING OF THE SCENE.

– we now don’t know if it was a dream or reality, or what is reality à sets us up for the rest of the story.

INTERESTING ACTION AND DIALOGUE.

– very low/slow talk of Agent Smith, sort of positive and normal, but with underlying threat. Neo’s brazen response, giving Smith the finger and demanding his phone call.

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE

– Simple interrogation room, 1 table, 2 chairs. Many tough-looking feds with sunglasses against a somewhat weak-looking normal guy. They say they have something very incriminating against him and could ruin his life. Then the sci-fi stuff, but then it was a nightmare, or ?? So at least 2 twists: normal to sci-fi, then sci-fi to it was a dream.

===================================================================

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I learned that the characters need to become really frightened (or any other emotion) for the audience to also feel it and the suspense. That’s because the feat is not accomplished yet and we fear it will be terrific then it happens.

In my RomCom, the couple comes together in love several times, but call it off because of the hatred between their uncles. So once that’s resolved — Ellie will go along with Jim and they won’t invite her uncle to the wedding — there’s a statewide deep freeze and power outage. They will have to have the wedding on her uncle’s off-grid ranch, which will bring the 2 uncles together and it could explode everything.

So the 1st sighting of Jaws happens about 3/4 through the script. I looked at my scene around that place, and sure enough the power outage has happened and Ellie then comes up with the idea to move the wedding venue to Uncle Layo’s off-grid ranch — to Jim’s utter shock and horror, since they have not even told Layo about the wedding, he wasn’t invited, and he doesn’t know Ellie won’t be going to help on his ranch after college, but going away with Jim, or that Jim’s uncle (Layo’s nemesis) has been invited to the wedding and Jim will be working for him — triple or quadruple shafting of Layo.

INT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

[They’re shivering in the dark with cell phone lights and some candles…. And their wedding venue is cancelled until spring, which Jim finds unacceptable] …

ELLIE: I guess Uncle Layo is fine. Off-grid. Warm, lights. (little laugh) Maybe we should move over there. (beat) Yeh, maybe we can have the wedding there. In a real barn. You wanted the barn theme, Jim.

JIM: And I thought I was the joker. That’s a whopper, Ellie, but somehow I’m too frozen to laugh.

He fingers his mouth, as if trying to make a smile.

ELLIE: I’m serious. It’s the only way.

JIM: Ellie! It’s a total no-go. I’d even feel bad about moving in there. IF he’d have us after we’ve shafted him so badly. (beat) And I suppose we’d disinvite Uncle Fred. Assuming he’ll find some gas stations open to even come here.

ELLIE: (wincing) Maybe if the two could meet, they might patch up?

JIM: Are you sure we’re talking about Fred and Layo, the most obnoxious people on Planet Earth?

ELLIE (meek): Maybe they’d become less obnoxious?

JIM: You can’t teach old dogs new tricks. They’ll fight and destroy us to boot.

Ellie gets up and mills around in the semi-dark BUMPING into stuff. Jen, worried, looks in her direction.

JEN: Now I’m a dog person and I resent the way–

JIM: Ha-ha-ha, Jen. I’m not laughing. Besides your parents’ old dog can’t even lift his tail.

ELLIE: Jim!

JIM: Sorry, Jen. Guess I’m becoming a mean ole junkyard dog.

Ellie reappears in the candlelight with her purse and keys.

ELLIE: No, not that. Well, that too. Behave yourself. (beat) What I’m saying is, I’m going to Layo’s and give it a try. At least see if we can stay there.

JIM: He’ll buck you off hard.

. . . .

Then the next scene with Layo is explosive, and later a scene were Layo meets his nemesis Fred (Ellie has just told Layo that he’s coming) and it looks like they will explode the wedding.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST FOR:

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, AND SETUP/PAYOFFS.

– Brody doesn’t like throwing the chum, wants to trade driving the boat with Hooper, but when Quint insists he throw it, Brody does so with disgust, facing the men, throwing it back… and that’s when he gets a first CU of Jaws, looks like about to eat him. He goes scared stiff, unable even to tell the others until they also see it. Quint says he’s never seen on that big. They are intrigued, excited, terrified. That’s the one. They try to get him, rushing to get their stuff in place just in time. But they don’t kill him this time and it’s all calm again, but there’s a terrible suspense the shark could surface again and ? destroy the boat (ref. need for a bigger boat) and eat the people. Note that “You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat” is not in the script, but as a spec writer I’ll need some dialogue like that.

WATCH 2ND FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– a lot of suspense intermingled with seafaring stuff.

WHAT SETS UP THE SUSPENSE AND CAUSES US TO WORRY?

– there’s suspense all along in the movie because they’re hunting a killer shark, but when they see it — bigger than they’ve ever seen before — the suspense is amped up a lot more. It could destroy the boat.

HOW IS THE SUSPENSE DRAWN OUT?

– waiting, fiddling around. When they step on the edge of the boat, it looks like they might fall in the water and ?? get eaten?? They don’t kill him this time, but now they know what they’re up against. A giant man-eating shark.

WHAT INCREASES THE SUSPENSE?

– first sighting.

WHAT IS THE PAYOFF IN THE END?

– they’ve found what they’re looking for and the waiting is suspenseful because we know it’ll be a really tough fight to kill that shark… and they may get killed in the process.

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE

– they finally see that they’re hunting and it’s terrifying to them — Brody (even afraid of water) is totally terrified (he says they need a bigger boat), the scientist and the old shark hunter are both excited (for different reasons), and terrified. This serves to terrify the audience.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn is great at Subtext Pointers!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that many of my items in Lesson 4 Subtext Cover-up assignment were actually Subtext Pointers, and I seem to be better at pointers. I already have plenty of them in my script. Also I’m thinking that “talking past each other” quite often involves subtext pointers.

==================================

Scene 1B:

TALKING PAST EACH OTHER:

Luz hands out a flyer for a trip to the turtle center trip and the coed chucks it. Luz confronts her:

LUZ: Do you want global warming to boil the oceans away and bake us all to death?! (IMPLICATION, INSINUATION, HYPERBOLE)

COED (stops and turns): How’re turtles gonna help on exams? (SARCASM, IMPLICATION that she’s only concerned about her immediate life, turtles don’t interest her, and perhaps she doesn’t believe in global warming)

After Ellie chides Luz for exaggerating:

LUZ (to Ellie): Yeh, but nothing works, Ellie, and it’s the end of September and the heat’s killing us (implication it is due to global warming)

ELLIE: Guess we’ll have to weather it. (despondent sigh) The way things are NOT going. (METAPHOR meaning “put up with the way people are” as well as on the nose of “bearing the hot weather”; IMPLICATION that people are not going to do enough about global warming no matter what).

My script is chucked full of these, but I’ll be looking for ways to elevate the dialogue even further with subtext cover-ups (which I need to improve on) and pointers.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I learned the importance of having an interesting relationship between the protag and antag. Make them similar in some ways, and different in others. Give them philosophies, maybe some interesting backstory together or parallel.

I think I’ve done that with my 2 protags and 2 antags. Both protag Ellie and antag Layo want to hide from the world that they want to save. I’ve added in that about Ellie. Only in her maturing journey does she realize she needs to be in the world, not hiding from it.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:·

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, AND SETUP/PAYOFFS.

– Batman is bashing the Joker in the interrogation room (his super-strength, not allowed, police brutality??) to the Joker holding out about the whereabouts of Dent and Rachel (beginning to get the upper hand by evil smarts) to he gives the far apart locations — seems to cave, but Batman can only save one, so the evil joke will be on Batman because one will die (as if Batman killed that one, when it was the Joker who did, but Batman will blame himself, or at least regret).

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– Joker’s theme that the Batman completes him (? They are 2 sides of the same coin ?), thus he really doesn’t want to kill Batman

HOW THESE TWO ENEMIES ARE SIMILAR AND HOW THEY ARE DIFFERENT.

– They are both “freaks” as the Joker points out (one a super-hero, one a super-villain). They are both vigilantes, working outside the law. They’re both smart and active against the crime world, but for different reasons. Batman is more straight and together; the Joker has serious psycho problems & is not only against the bad guys, but the good guys whom he thinks are also evil or prone to evil. The Joker is downright arrogant, Batman is self-assured and more human-vulnerable. Joker has no rules, Batman has one??

WHAT ARE THEIR MOTIVATIONS FOR BEING IN THIS RELATIONSHIP?

– They seem to be after the same bad guys, the mafia, but the Joker uses ruthless methods and gets regular and semi-bad people to become worse and/or get killed. So Batman is not only out to control regular crime but also to stop the Joker. But the Joker is out to outwit Batman and best him, like the evil stepmother wanting to be the fairest of them all — total arrogance and need to be number one.

INTERESTING ACTION AND DIALOGUE.

– Batman getting rough with the Joker (who just takes it, taunting Batman), and discussion of their similar and different roles and ethics/philosophies/worldviews, and them compared to regular people.

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE

– not only does Batman need to get the info on the whereabouts of Dent and Rachel, but the interesting banter between them.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WHAT I LEARNED REWRITING MY SCENE:

– Re SPIDERMAN, it’s best to show not tell when revealing character. I reveal various things about my characters in various parts of the script and it’s mainly show. However, when it is “tell,” like backstory wound, I strive to make it dramatic, like in anger or some other emotion.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, AND SETUPS/PAYOFFS.

– starts as normal school cafeteria scene, then weird things start happening to Peter and his spider threads pull a food tray into a tough guy, who goes to fight him the in hall, but Peter’s new powers save him – he and others are astonished.

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– weak guy gets powers to best the tough bully

HOW IS THE REVEAL DEMANDED BY THE SITUATION?

– because the tough guy is fighting him this draws out his powers, to his own surprise & that of others

HOW DOES THE SCENE REVEAL PETER PARKER’S POWERS THROUGH ACTION?

– no word about the powers, only action, starting with spoon clinging to his “spider” hand, then the spider threads

HOW DOES PETER AND OTHERS REACT TO THE REVEAL?

– shocked and surprised

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE

– the audience always like the smaller weakling besting the bigger tough bully.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

What I learned: make your protag very uncomfortable with subtext cover-up that they don’t quite get.

I have a scene like that. Uncle Fred (the eco-hater) covers up his blame of Ellie for getting nephew Jim into eco-things, which becomes clear in the next scene, but in this one during Thanksgiving dinner it is a coverup that creates discomfort; and Jim and Ellie are covering up that Ellie is vegan and into eco-concerns:

FRED: You’re not eating the turkey?

Ellie looks to Jim, who mulls it.

JIM: She has a stomach disorder, Uncle. No meat. But it doesn’t affect her. She’s very healthy.

FRED: Well, that’s good. (beat) So y’all have been dating for how many years?

Jim looks to Ellie.

ELLIE: It’s only been three months. I guess that sounds a short time for–

FRED (suspicious): Yeh, yeh. Seems like you’ve known each other for years.

Jim smiles.

JIM: It happened right away, Uncle Fred, at least for me. Took weeks to get Ellie on board. But I feel I’ve known her for years. My soulmate.

Jim and Ellie smile at each other.

FRED (to Jim): So, if you start at the Consultancy in December (side eyes Ellie) what about Ellie’s degree in Mass Communications, whatever that is.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, AND SETUPS/PAYOFFS.

– Rose is introducing black boyfriend Chris to guests at her parents’ party, which seems a bit awkward at first (to be expected), but becomes increasingly very weird. The weirdest being the black guy Chris meets, who is very mechanical and doesn’t speak “black” or naturally, and when Chris offers him a fist shake, the black offers his hand (as if he’s a stilted very old white guy)

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– the expected awkwardness and usual questions about black virility creates an embarrassing situation, but it gets very weird as it goes.

WHICH CHARACTERS ARE OBVIOUSLY COVERING THE REAL MEANING BENEATH THE SURFACE?

– they seem to be saying, oh, you’re black, so what are all the stereotypes things we can ask to make conversation. It’s inept, bordering on rude. Like they just think of blacks as being bodies, not people.

HOW MANY WAYS DO THEY COVER-UP?

– one man talks about skin color, says white used to be in, but now black is. They all seem to be hiding something, but what. The cover-up seems to be the over-the-top they keep bringing up race and skin color.

WHAT CAUSES YOU TO BELIEVE THERE IS SOMETHING UNDER THE SURFACE?

– it almost seems they were all expecting him and are sizing him up for something to happen later. They ask/imply too stereotypical type of things over the top.

– the other black guy seems to fit right in with these awkward rich whites…. As if that’s where Chris will be made to go if he sticks with Rose.

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE

– all the party people, including the black, are making Chris very uncomfortable, as if he’s the animal object of their awkward attention… making the audience feel that discomfort. Like a fish in water that keeps getting hotter.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I learned that a great twist for a RomCom (I think this Harry/Sally scene is about the midpoint) has the characters reversing roles to some extent.

My own script has the Ellie (female protag) as in despair and serious in the beginning and Jim (male protag) as happy-go-lucky, a playful playboy. They actually need each other to bring them into maturity and better persons. I have it about 3/4 through my script that these roles reverse. Ellie with Jim’s zest for life and romancing has made her hopeful and more positive, more dynamic and into living in the world, rather than hiding from it. On the other hand, Jim has fallen into despair — a need phase for his maturing — and Ellie is now leading the way for them.

This plays out over a few scenes in Act 3 and Act 4 (4-Act structure).

One, and “All is Lost” scene, is where Jim has sunk into total despair and is calling off the wedding, this time for a more mature reason:

While visiting his mother, they are heavily into love-making and she worries his mother will be coming back from shopping, so he suggests they move operations into his bedroom, and starts to pick her up. Then he plonks her down on the sofa:

JIM: I can’t go through with this.

ELLIE: Did you hear me object?

JIM: I don’t mean thaaat. I mean I’m calling off the marriage. I can’t take you away from your uncle and what you could do to help him.

ELLIE: Jimmm, I made up my mind to go with you and do great and wonderful things. I need you. And you need me. I’m your shell. Remember?

JIM: It’s no good. You and Layo have important work. I can’t interfere. Just because I have this obligation doesn’t mean you have it.

ELLIE: Don’t you love me?

JIM: Of course I love you. That’s why I have to let you go.

ELLIE: Now that makes fat sense. I said I’m okay here, fine in fact.

JIM: I don’t want to discuss it. You gave me love. I gave you love. And we’re better for it. We can go on our separate destinies now. (beat) It was me. I needed time to be sure. And now I am. Plus I still have a horrible banger and I’m going to bed.

Jim marches off to his bedroom. Ellie bites her lip as if that will hold back tears that fill her eyes.

————-

Then in later scenes starting at the end of Act 3 Ellie takes charge, gets Jim back and gets them to confront their worst fears… bringing their opposing, bitter enemy uncles together at their wedding…. which Jim thinks will blow up their wedding, even the whole state of Texas.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, AND SETUP/PAYOFFS.

– Sally & Harry (who are “friends,” not “lovers”) are in a diner discussion about dating. Sally accuses Harry of leaving too early (not getting to know the women) and it progresses to a discussion of female orgasms, which Sally says women do fake sometimes. Harry says it never happened to him, so she fakes an orgasm there in public, people watching, then calming resumes eating. This is very funny, she is teaching him about women, and there is a lot of conflict and banter between them.

– as a extremely good comedic topper (which I understand was not in the original script) a woman at another table (I think Reiner’s mother) after seeing Sally’s “orgasm,” says, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

– moves it forward because Sally is really teaching a lot about women to Harry, which she may not have been able to do it they were lovers instead of friends. (The whole movie is a debate between them about whether women can be friends with a man, which Harry says is impossible.)

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– even though it is “talking heads” in a diner, what they say and the action performance of Sally make it really great.

– it is also probably the breaking point in which Harry begins to have more respect for Sally AND interest/attraction.

HOW DOES EACH CHARACTER SPEAK AND ACT FROM THEIR UNIQUE CHARACTER PROFILES?

UNIQUE CHARACTER ACTION AND DIALOGUE-

– Harry has been taking the upper hand of know-it-all to this point, with Sally (appearing to be somewhat of a light feather-head to Harry) unable to convince him of anything by her words. Now she has convinced him of something by her action.

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE

– sex sells, and so does really good comedy. This has both.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

LOST INTRO: Rethink your Character Intro scene using your new insights and rewrite the scene. Then post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene…?”

– It’s a RomCom mainly set on a college campus. I’ve added a brief establishing scene before the character intro scenes that shows we are in the Rio Grande Valley of South Texas and on a college campus (entry sign) with MARIACHI MUSIC.

– I’ve added some visuals to my character intro scene. Originally I had a “Turtle Center visit” poster with protag Ellie and friend Luz putting it up. So before that I gave visuals of other posters: An Anime Club poster about their pizza sale, a Ø Ø Ø (Phi Phi Phi) Frat’s lemonade stand poster to raise funds for their Hazing Party, and The Green Rangers trip to lasso the Texas Legislature poster, with a graphic of green cowboys lassoing the Texas Capitol Building. THEN my protag’s poster.

– I also added a new character in conflict with the Ellie and her club, the leader of the Green Rangers, and in their snippy and angry snarls mention of her splitting off and nearly destroying the Ellie’s Environmental Club.

– made more changes to bring exposition into a conflict or banter dialogue.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

– BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS — SCENE ARC, SITUATION, CONFLICT, MOVING THE STORY FORWARD, ENTERTAINMENT VALUE, AND SETUPS/PAYOFFS.

– starts with a disheveled man, somewhat injured, in a suit and tie on a tropical beach somewhere, looking very shocked and worried and wondering. Great contrasting images & suspense.

– ends with him, Jack, becoming somewhat of a leader at a plane crash site, helping injured man and pregnant lady…. Seems to be a doctor or with medical experience. Orders people around to help the injured. No mention of anything about Jack or what happened — it’s all through action.

– dangerous wind from propeller, fire, leaking fuel, mention of danger and need to get out of there, and explosion, struggling to save people in time.

– right now we’re worried about triage and immediate needs of injured, but in the back of our minds, will they get help from outside, will they make it, etc.

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT?

– very dramatic scene of a plane crash on a beach somewhere with lots of unanswered questions. The immediate need to get away from possible explosion (which does happen), to help injured. Some get killed.

HOW IS THIS LEAD CHARACTER INTRODUCED, AND WHO THEY ARE INTRODUCED TO US AS?

– Man in suit (professional??), then he starts to help injured and orders people to help. He’s a natural or professional leader, probably a doctor the way he treats the man and the pregnant woman. He’ll be at least one of the main characters in this story.

WHAT MAKES HIM SPECIAL OR UNIQUE?

– he seems better dressed, responds to call for help, takes command of the situation.

INTERESTING DIALOGUE.

– less dialogue, but very interesting: warning of possible explosion due to fuel leak and need to get away, Jack ordering people to help injured. And finally someone asks his name – Jack. (He doesn’t say Dr. Xxxx).

HOW ARE THEIR ACTIONS DIFFERENT THAN EVERYONE ELSE?

– no one is reacting quickly enough, they are all stunned. Jack is stunned at first, but then overcomes it when the injured man calls for help and his professional persona takes over.

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER INTRO SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE

– there isn’t much dialogue, no expository, just the scene, the action, and minimum dialogue that says it all.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn loves Anticipatory Dialogue

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that I can use most of these 11 techniques to amp up my anticipatory dialogue.

=====================================

Have amped up some scenes & dialogue with these anticipatory dialogue techniques:

In my 2nd scene friend Mack warns Jim about Ellie & I reworked the dialogue. At first Mack encourages Jim re lots of foxy babes on campus. Jim looks back at Ellie and friend Luz, who are handing out eco flyers, and says, “Yeh, Mack. Just spotted one,” to which Mack replies, “No, man. They’ll eat you.” I had Jim reply, but replaced it with silence at a strange time as Jim with a smile herds Mack back toward the girls.

Mack at the end of the same scene makes a direct prediction that protag Jim won’t be able to get Ellie in bed and warning —
…..“Jim! It looks complicated, man, like climbing Mount Everest. I’ll bet you twenty you freeze to death before reaching summit.” The wager is a <u style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>challenge.

I’ve added reference to that in a couple more places, and in the last scene in freezing cold Gulf waters Jim gives Mack a twenty saying “You win, Mack.” Prompting Ellie to ask what’s that about, and Jim to answer, “Tell you later. Maybe after Little Layo’s [they plan to name their 1st son after Uncle Layo] daughter, Ellie, is born. (beat) But I was thinking if we get out of this alive, we could do some mountain climbing… to Mamita’s village.” Indicating he is now healing over the loss of his father, who met and married Gabby in a Peruvian mountain village. Mamita (Mom) Gabby is there with them and she smiles.

Added Mack warning Jim about getting serious about Ellie — “Just don’t swerve into serious territory. It’d be a trainwreck considering your career path.” And put this just before Jen says to Jim, “I warn you, don’t dabble with Ellie’s heart,” and goes on to explain Ellie’s uncle is their pastor, leaving him with 2 contradictory warnings and playful boy Jim gut-slugged serious.

Added/reworded dialogue re predictions and warnings that Layo and Fred (their two uncles) will ruin their wedding (also implying consequences).

Ellie expressed hopelessness (in eco-despair) up to nearly the end, while Jim is happy-go-lucky positive (added reckless). In the end Jim is the hopeless one (re eco-doom and marrying Ellie), and Ellie has become hopeful in a mature way. Fixed some dialogue to make this clearer.

RE countdown, I don’t have much, but near the end their wedding is in 3 days and there’s a statewide power cut. Their wedding venue with her Uncle Rudy is booked solid ’til spring, so Ellie has to scramble to try and get cantankerous Uncle Layo to host it on his off-grid ranch — after they have shafted him in various ways and NOT INVITED HIM.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that banter really spices up a script and I need more by having characters have Different perspectives, objectives, realities, emotional states, philosophies, or issues.

=====================================

I have several banter scenes, but need to ramp up more. Here’s one between protag Jim and support Jen about protag Ellie. Jim is in a wager with a friend to see if he can get her in bed. He doesn’t want Ellie (who’s in the distant b.g.) to think Jen is/was his girlfriend. They’re at the beach cleanup with a beach party to follow:

Jen strides to catch up with Jim collecting trash. In the distance Ellie looks over at them. Jim notes that and edges away from Jen, picking up trash more quickly. Jen walks faster. He picks up speed, stumbles a bit.

JEN
Hey, Jim. What’s going on?

Jim, embarrassed, turns toward her.

JIM
I’m picking it up as fast as I can so we can get on to the party.

JEN
Well, Party Animal, I hate being a party-pooper, but–

JIM
Not really.

JEN
I warn you not to dabble with Ellie’s heart.

Jim gestures with mock fear, then gives an impish smile.

JIM
Dabbily Dibbily babbily boo.

JEN
If you knew who her uncle is it’d stop your joking dead.

JIM
I know, the ranch owner. Big deal.

JEN
Not that one.

JIM
(worried at bit)

So who’s the other one?

Jen turns halfway and picks up a juice box.

JEN
Maybe it’s not my place to say. She seemed upset about him.

JIM
Come on, now. I gotta know. I mean is he a cartel guy or something?

Jen pauses, making Jim squirm.

JEN
It’s for me to know and you to find out. The hard way.

JIM
Jen, don’t play with me.

JEN
Look who’s talking, Playboy.

Jim turns away, exasperated.

JEN
He’s our pastor, Reverend Rudy.

JIM
(whirling around)

Reverend Rudy?!

Jim notes Ellie look his way and voices down a decibel.

JIM
Wow… Why don’t we see her in church?

Jen shrugs. Jim becomes gut-slugged serious.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

AMERICAN BEAUTY

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS

–SCENE ARC – from just dying to a happy and peaceful transition into death

–SITUATION – someone (? his wife) has just killed Lester, but weirdly there is an epilog

–CONFLICT – conflict is over for Lester now — it’s all peace, satisfaction, happiness in death: “gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.”

–MOVING THE STORY FORWARD – we’re wondering where this weird movie is taking us, like into weirder territory

–ENTERTAINMENT VALUE – the movie is entertaining, and the ending fits the movie

–SETUPS/PAYOFFS – seems this is just the big final payoff for the movie.

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

HOW DOES THIS BRING THE MOVIE TO A CONCLUSION?

— The movie starts with Lester’s daughter’s friend offering to kill him. And him saying he’s going to die within a year.

I’ve been told the ending should be like the other bookend, somewhat mirror or addressing the beginning. This ending proves that out. He dies, but this last series of shots is very weird, tying up Lester’s search for beauty and happiness.

HOW THIS SHOWS THE NEW STATUS-QUO.

— ?? only in death we get peace, as in Rest In Peace ??

HOW IT IS A SATISFYING ENDING.

— We expected it to be a tragedy, but it isn’t quite that, so it’s satisfying. He’s grateful for his life. Mainly, he is no longer obsessed ?? Life means obsession, in death there’s release from this ??

DELIVERING CHARACTER.

— He’s having a mid-life crisis and this show that he’s overcome it.

INTERESTING DIALOGUE, ESPECIALLY THE LAST LINE OF THE MOVIE.

–he tells us what the moment of death is like, “it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time.” Then the last line: “You (the audience) have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry, you will someday (like when we die).”

This is a fitting ending to a man obsessed with finding beauty, including an affair with his daughter’s beautiful friend. In the end he finds that beauty and weird satisfaction.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS

–SCENE ARC – seems Kaffee is losing his case to he gets Jessep to admit he ordered a “Code Red.”

–SITUATION – 2 marines up for murder, defense lawyer trying to get them off

–CONFLICT – between Kaffee & Jessep, also between formal and informal law/orders

–MOVING THE STORY FORWARD – Kaffee starts slow, looks like he’s losing, then he ramps up questioning Jessep (I’m thinking this is like the final court scene in LEGALLY BLONDE), making Jessep more and more angry until he lets out the truth.

–ENTERTAINMENT VALUE – dramatic argument with dramatic meaning about defending the country & what Jessep felt was necessary beyond the rules/law.

–SETUPS/PAYOFFS. Kaffee is weak. Jessep thinks it’s over, starts to walk out, the Kaffee strengthens begins asking and pushing, finally getting the truth from Jessep

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

–HOW THIS SCENE IS THE ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT. Saw the movie, so it is a conflict between young, inexperienced, follow the law/rules vs. old/experienced/deviate from law out of (what he thinks is) necessity

–THE ESCALATION OF THE CONFLICT. THE FINAL TWIST AT THE END OF THE SCENE. Jessep finally admits to what all have been covering up.

–INTRIGUING DIALOGUE· THE FINAL PAYOFFS OF THIS MOVIE. In addition to the main conflict, there is the side issue of respect and using proper titles, the judge also demanding respect.

—————–

WHAT MAKES THIS SCENE GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE

–the climax of a courtroom battle, very dramatic. Defense lawyer Kaffee does a “Perry Mason” in getting Jessep to admit he had ordered the two defendants to do a “Code Red” (informal discipline) which got out of hand and killed the marine. It’s dramatic they way Jessep explains his side, why he did it.

——————–

NOTE: I saw the original 3:10 TO YUMA (1957) — great movie. Will look into the climax in the remake later.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I haven’t rewritten the 3 turning points yet, but if BRIDESMAIDS is the standard, mine fall very short of extreme drama/comedy in my RomCom.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

BRIDEMAIDS

This scene is likely turning point 3, starting at page 82 of the 109 page script.

Apparently Annie’s anger has been building up during the story and she finally and totally loses it totally — jealously over her best friend being taken over by a really rich woman. It’s funny because of all the antics Annie gets into and harsh, funny words.

—————————-

My own 3rd turning point is when the Texas grid goes down during the worst ever freeze — putting the wedding (and marriage) in jeopardy, again for the 3rd time.

My 1st turning point is when Jim finally snags reluctant Ellie into a non-commitment “situationship,” and the implications don’t look good.

The 2nd is when those implications play out and they have to call off their wedding/marriage off due to opposing obligations and life plans.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I learned that a great movie can be made in a very limited scene by having each actor be very different and unique, causing conflict over a pressing issue. And also 11 against 1 is a great inciting incident. Will they persuade the one to give up his values, or will he convince the others to at least talk about the case?

I’m working on improving my inciting incident scenes, understanding there are some 3 inciting incident scenes in Act 1:

1. few minutes into a movie something ignites the story. Protag Ellie meets protag Jim in this RomCom.

–Giving stronger & unique intros to major characters with conflicting motives, and making the conflict stronger: She’s into saving the earth & failing, not romance. He’s into getting the gal into bed and winning a wager.

2. around 12 minutes into the movie the protagonist is introduced to the conflict they’ll need to resolve in the rest of the movie (this is the one in the 12 ANGRY MEN scene).

–I bring in very unique, bellicose antag Great-uncle Layo on his off-grid/alt-energy ranch & mention of the other antag who dissed & hurt him decades ago (details come up later). Ellie has committed to live on the ranch and help with the inventions. The inciting incident is that Layo is so obstinate about not wanting anyone to know about his inventions, Ellie considers both of them complete failures in the mission to save the earth.

3. around 25 minutes into the movie the protagonist is hit by another major crisis. They then leave Act 1 to enter the “new world” of Act 2.

–Ellie agrees to a non-commitment “situationship” with Jim, but expresses disdain for “dirty oil money,” at which Jim unseen by Ellie expresses “Yikes!” We are left wondering if they will fall in love & get married. Will Jim win his bet and get her in bed? Will Ellie fulfill her mission to help save the earth, getting Layo (who has real solutions) on board, or will Jim derail her?

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Dialogue Structures

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that I had already used these dialogue structures in my screenplay, mostly to increase the humor, but now I understand what they are and will be able to consciously apply them in the future. I will also be looking for other scenes in which I can apply these.

=====================================

A. Setup / Major Twist

In SCENE 13C, Jim is really into Ellie’s Uncle Layo’s off-grid ranch (and Ellie is thinking Jim could settle with her on the ranch, as she promised Layo she would do), but at the scene’s end it turns out Layo’s nemesis is Jim’s uncle, to whom Jim is heavily obligated. Juliet finding out Romeo is a Montague.

In SCENE 36, When Jim is into heavy love making & backs out saying he can’t go through with it. Ellie thinks he means sex and says she’s not objecting, but what he means is he’s calling off the marriage.

B. Opposite Meanings in Dialogue

In SCENE 22 Jim is worried that Ellie has drifted to Gecko and Ellie wants to call off the relationship with Jim over the wager Mack made with Jim re whether he could get Ellie in bed. Ellie clears up she was simply consoling Gecko. Jim thinks it’s okay, but Ellie is still upset, thinking she found out he had dated Jen. So they have different views of reality, reflected in their dialogue and creating humor. This blow up between them leads to a big make-up, profession of love, and proposal of marriage at scene’s end.

In SCENE 30 Jim’s Uncle Fred thinks the couple have been dating for years and blames Ellie for getting Jim into eco-things. The couple worry that Fred will think because they have not dated for very long, he’ll be against the match, so they struggle to make him realize it is true love. In the next scene, Jim finally understands Fred’s view and disabuses him of it, saying he was into eco-things well before he met Ellie.

C. Subtext Drives the Meaning

In SCENE 1C — THE SETUP Mack tells Jim about his intention to hit on Ellie: “Jim! It looks complicated, man, like climbing Mount Everest. I’ll bet you twenty you freeze to death before reaching summit.” Then in SCENES 11B, 19B, 22, and 49 mention of Mt. Everest, mountain climbing, and/or the wager surface and create uncomfortable moments/humor in those scenes.

D. Deeper Layer Opposes Dialogue

In SCENE 12, Jim’s at Ellie’s apt on their first non-date of their non-relationship/situationship when his mom calls. He not only covers up to her that he’s at Ellie’s by saying he’s in the library studying, but also hides his mom’s mention of his obligation to Uncle Fred from Ellie. The deeper layer is he wants to get into a strong relationship with Ellie which opposes his light-hearted and jovial dialogue both with Ellie and his mom.

Not sure if this fits here, but in SCENE 13A Layo shows his alt energy inventions to the clubbers. To make it humorous I added Strauss’s FANFARE from ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA (used in 2001 Space Odyssey) — the music meaning “this is really important stuff” when he shows them somewhat humorously Cassy, the compressed air system he made from a sixteen-foot storage tank in his silo.

———————

Will be looking at possibly using more of these “dialog structures” in other scenes to elevate my script.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Elevated Dialogue

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that I can quickly check and improve dialogue by using my character profile in conjunction with Final Draft’s character’s dialogue report (under “Reports” under “Tools,” selecting “Character Report” on that character, then selection “Scene Heading” and “Dialogue”).

=====================================

I’ve made more changes to other character’s dialog, but found some 15 places to change in protag Ellie’s.

I’ve been trying to add something of Rio Grande Valley speak, such as æ [as in add], which people here use to indicate “just joking.” Several other characters use it early on, but Ellie doesn’t, since she’s suffering from eco-despair underlaid by her father abandonment wound. However, as she goes on her journey and improves, she does use it.

Some changes in Ellie’s dialogue:

–“The way things are going” to “The way things are not going.”

–“I know… My bad” to “Guess I flunked diplomacy. Again.”

— “And don’t ever lose your playful zest for life” to “Hoo-geh-tohn! I like you that way.” (used this Spanish term for “playful guy” a few times before)

— “Oh, Jim, this is wonderful. And you’re wonderful, knowing I needed this. I had forgotten how much beauty there is in the world. Houston is beautiful.” To “Oh, Jim, you’re wonderful, knowing I needed this… this… beauty.”

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

QUICK NOTE: I’m using Final Draft’s “Reports” under “Tools,” to select “Character Report” on my protag, then include “Scene Heading” and “Dialogue,” and print it out.

That way I can skim it really fast for generic dialogue and make changes.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Elevated Interest

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that interest elements can be added even after rough drafts have been written.

=====================================

CHANGES TO AN IMPORTANT SCENE – intro to Ellie’s Great-uncle Layo (Antag 1) and her obligation to him.

In the previous SCENE 3 Jim gives Ellie a flower and she blushes. Out of her view, he calls Mack to say he’s reeling Ellie in (on a wager with Mack that he’ll get her into bed), then:

SCENE 4. EXT. ELY’S OFF-GRID RANCH – DAY

Ellie is wearing that flower in her hair as she goes to cantankerous Great-uncle Layo’s ranch of weird alt energy inventions. Ellie tries to convince him to allow the club visit. He resists.

She speaks of a member who is into alt energy engineering (Jim), and Layo notes the flower in her hair and suspects she’s in love and planning to move away. She throws down the flower and adamantly reminds him she’s coming to live with him after college and help out.

I’m also introducing more about Ursula, who was the club’s president, but nearly destroyed it (back story). Note: I added Ursula into the first scene to ramp up the conflict and reveal Ellie’s anger problem, and am now added a bit about her in a few more scenes.

=========================

Looking into other scenes in which to add interest elements.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Elevated Emotion!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that I can make scenes more emotions for the audience by using the prompts here and adding my own of making it funnier (necessary for a RomCom).

===================

SCENES FOR ELEVATED EMOTION

SCENE 3. EXT. CAMPUS – DAY: Ellie regrets losing her temper and turning off students from eco-concerns in previous scene. Jim consoles her and elicits a couple of smiles. She blushes at the end and Jim gets the signal she’s attracted.

CHANGES (looming betrayal): Just as the audience might be thinking Jim is sincere about Ellie, I’ve added a final several lines: Jim calls Mack, reinforcing his pursuit of Ellie is a bet and he’s a playboy. Then in the first sentence of the next scene Ellie is wearing the flower Jim gave her in her hair. The audience may be worried, if they weren’t earlier, that Jim will dupe her, break her heart, and push her more into her shell.

—————

6. EXT. BEACH – DAY: The environmental clubbers are cleaning up the beach Jim is learning more about Ellie and revealing his playful playboy character and a hint of a problem that could derail his chance with Ellie.

MACK WITH JIM (added new: betrayal, unknown opposition, opposing demands): refers to the bet and Mack warning it would be a trainwreck if Jim gets serious about Ellie.

The audience would again be reminded Jim is in a wager and would worry about that, but also wondering and worried about what Mack meant by trainwreck. Foreshadows opposing demands on Jim — and he may have to let someone down. The audience hopes it’s not Ellie.

JIM WITH JEN (humor at Jim squirming re danger from Ellie’s uncle): Jens tells Jim things about Ellie.

Added: Jen warning against dabbling with Ellie’s heart. Jim mocking Jen (funny for him, but more worry for the audience). Then Jen warning about Ellie’s other uncle — made it look more ominous for Jim. Jim’s worried and the audience (who knows the uncle is a pastor) gets a kick out of him squirming, thinking the uncle may be a cartel guy. But When Jen informs the uncle is their pastor Rev. Rudy, that brings up serious emotions for both Jim and the audience, who is now rooting “don’t dabble with her heart, guy.”

——————

11B. INT. CAFETERIA – DAY: Jim pursues Ellie, asks her to have a non-commitment “situationship” with him. Mack asks Jim about “Mt. Everest summit [won the sex wager] or going vegan?”

ADDED (make it funnier & make it more painful): at the beginning when Ellie and Jim search for a table, two distracted students hard bump into each other, crashing their trays and china. This adds humor and startling sound for the characters and audience. But Ellie freaks out, setting up a later reveal of how she partly blames her mother breaking dishes in anger for pushing her father away, and bringing in a theme of breaking. And giving Jim a chance to be consoling again. It also fits why she hates big, noisy cities.

ADDED (make it more painful): When Ellie asks what Mt. Everest is about and Jim tells they had planned to do some mountain climbing, off the table for now (he’s not going to bed her yet), he then becomes a bit sad when he adds that his father once climbed a mountain. His own words trigger his wound. Then he snaps out of it to talk about “situationships.” Foreshadows his controlling his sad emotions. The audience may now have a tad of sympathy for Jim AND hope he is sincere about Ellie or can become so.

———————–

Checking other scenes to make them more
emotional.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I noticed in Rudy that the coach, who was apparently the antag, became okay in the end, allowing Rudy. So not all movies have a bad end to the antagonist.

That makes me feel better about my ending in which the two major antagonists and one very minor one all come around and are there to help save the cold-stunned turtles. That my protag, Ellie, was the cause of their transformations shows her transformation into an effective activist. All loose ends are tied up, with a humorous topper re Jim (the other protag) — who went from playful playboy to serious and in love.

Even in MEET THE PARENTS, Jack finally comes around and goes after Greg to get him back to marry his daughter.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

HOW DOES THE CHARACTER ACCOMPLISH THE FOLLOWING:

–FITTING ENDING BASED UPON WHO THEY HAVE BEEN. With others shouting “Rudy,” Rudy finally gets to play, and does a good job tackling the opponent, helping to win the game.

–THEY EXPERIENCE THE END IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE WAY. He’s not sure at first, waits for the coach’s signal to go ahead, then gives it his all.

–THIS BRINGS THEIR JOURNEY TO A CONCLUSION. Rudy finally realizes his dream of playing football for Notre Dame, which also got him into a lot of other great things in life, like going to Notre Dame.

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

WHAT MAKES THESE CHARACTERS ENGAGING? Coach is tough and opposing, other teammate just wants to score for Rudy, but others are cheering for him. Rudy himself doesn’t seem to expect to play, though he is dressed for it, and is surprised when the call him into the game, then gives it his all.

HOW ARE THEY EXPRESSING THEIR PROFILE? Though short and not expected to do well, he is determined and forges on ahead.

WHERE DO YOU SEE CHARACTER DEPTH IN THIS SCENE? Doesn’t seem upset being left on sidelines, but does his best then they all call upon him. He is very well loved by all, which means he must have won them over during the story.

————–

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE?

Someone obviously not built for football, yet persists. And it seems his persistence inspires many others.

SIDENOTE: My parents went many times to the USC-Notre Dame game in LA, and took us there once. They always rooted for USC, being Californians.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

RE MEET THE PARENTS and putting characters in uncomfortable situations, I’ve learned I can amp that up in various scenes. It not only contributes to creating empathy for my two protags, but also makes my RomCom more funny.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

HOW MANY WAYS IS THIS CHARACTER MADE UNCOMFORTABLE? Greg is caught peeping in Jack secret nook, made to take polygraph test, made to lie about undercooked pot roast and about watching pornographic videos. Also Jack is uncomfortable that Greg has found his secret nook and might find out the truth about him.

HOW DOES THIS PUT HIM IN A WEAK POSITION? Jack now has the upper hand, having found Greg snooping in that way making him take the test. Also Greg is getting an inkling that Jack is hiding something, but his finding this nook makes him vulnerable to whatever Jack is hiding.

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

WHAT DRAMA IS THIS SCENE BUILT AROUND? Potential father-in-law finding Greg snooping a secret nook and grilling Greg. Jack doesn’t want Greg to marry his daughter and is trying to get rid of him. It revolves around Jack giving Greg a lie detector test, but Greg only has small things to lie about, while Jack is the big liar — hiding his true profession as a CIA agent.

WHAT PROFILE ITEMS SHOWED UP IN THESE TWO CHARACTER’S WORDS AND ACTIONS?

Greg is a nice guy, sincere, compliant, a bit weak vs. Jack being tough, suspicious, and demanding

Greg as some SECRETS, like having seen some porno videos, but Jack has a big secret — an undercover CIA agent.

Greg is living the FUTURE of marrying Jack’s daughter; Jack is living in the future of having his daughter marry the most perfect man.

What makes this character great from a writing perspective?

The contrast between these characters and their clashes coming together. In true RomCom fashion, both characters are serious in their pursuits and intentions, not comedic, but it is the situation of uncomfortable moments that makes the movie funny.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Made some improvements toward the end of my script by pushing Jim to the breaking point of breaking up with Ellie, then with the scene where Ellie gets so pushed to the breaking point, she takes charge and gets Jim back, revealing a shift and change in her character.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

What makes this character great from a writing perspective?

Sean is built up to the breaking point, but he seems to be handling Will very well right up to Will saying, “Maybe you married the wrong woman.” At which point Sean snaps and Will has a gleam in his eye for finding Sean’s weakness. Will obnoxiously presses again and Sean gets violent.

Both characters show confidence and think they’ll outsmart the other, lots of sassy dialogue in a smarts contest, then weightlifting. They are sizing each other up. But Will wins by triggering Sean’s rage over mention of his wife, Sean’s big wound, which also makes him a very sympathetic and likeable character, despite his violent reaction.

—————-

I need more build up and conflict between my main characters in a way that also makes them sympathetic and resonate with the audience.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

RE the WALKING DEAD scene, it’s weird but protag Ellie in my RomCom later explains to the protag Jim that she was about as effective as a walking dead before she met him. (I hadn’t seen the series, so I might change that now :).

I’m trying to give her a better character arc — instead of weak and ineffective, she thinks she has an anger problem that makes her ineffective, and thus limits her contact with others, eschewing romance. I’m working on that — partly from her eco-despair, but underlying that her father abandonment wound. Her mother had thrown a fit of anger the day he left them, breaking dishes (Ellie was only 5). So I’m thinking of having some breaking glass sound early on that startles her, puts her in a fit, or something.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

What makes this character great from a writing perspective?

Rick is a conscience policeman in a devastating scene, trying to save a little girl. But when she turns, he understands she’s a walking dead. He doesn’t do anything at first, but when she starts to growl and come after him, he shoots her in the head, killing her for good.

It’s a double or triple tragedy for him — concern/compassion for people, earlier telling his partner how his wife accused him of not caring (the ultimate put down for a caring man), and that in front of their son, a cruelty he claims he would never do; sense to duty to rescue people, then having to kill a child. Horrible twist.

Range of emotions, upset about what his wife told him and his son hearing it, horror at the death/destruction situation, horror at himself, etc.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Just noticed I went beyond that scene. Because I wasn’t familiar with the show, I read the first part of the script…. into the flashback. But that did give me info on who Rick was.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Been a long time since I’ve seen this movie, but it’s a great.

What makes this scene great from a writing perspective?

Even though it’s in a limited setting, each juror is different with different agenda, goals, backstories, personalities, and issues. Most are eager to get out of there, esp one who has tickets for a ballgame that evening. And one juror votes “not guilty,” gumming up the 11 who voted “guilty,” but he does so out of a sense of justice and fairness in making a life or death decision, not because he truly believes the defendant is not guilty – he says he doesn’t know, but wants to talk about it first.

So there is conflict, setup/payoffs, invitation to the journey and it is a challenging situation, intriguing dialogue, revealing something inside Fonda that makes him need to go on this journey, even though 11 are opposed to him.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

What I learned rewriting my scene…?

— I learned I need most/all of these elements ramped up in my 2 intro scenes introducing the 2 protags. The elevating elements in this lesson really helped me make some improvements, though I may be making further improvements in the future.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Watch 1st time for:·

BASIC SCENE COMPONENTS:

SCENE ARC: shots of clown maskers entering into a complex bank job with many roles, including killing off a specific clown masker until only the Joker (who planned it all) is left getting away with all the loot.

SITUATION: bank hold up in a big city

CONFLICT: between clown maskers and bank staff, and among clown maskers, one banker head comes shooting so we don’t know then if he’ll foil the plot.

MOVING THE STORY FORWARD: each doing their part to make bank job a success re alarm, safe, escape bus, etc; pulling it off, killing people & clowns…

ENTERTAINMENT VALUE: clown contradiction (clowns are for amusing kids, but they are lethal criminals here), fast-paced, well-organized & planned bank job plot, danger, fighting, killing, killing within criminal team

SETUPS/PAYOFFS: dissing Joker as not worthy of getting a share, planning to cut him out of it because he’s not participating in the job, but he is present to hear that and IS participating and gets the entire payoff after all other clowns are killed by other clowns or bank staff; greed driving clown maskers to kill other clown maskers to get a bigger cut (they are assigned by Joker to kill certain clowns once they’ve served their purpose) until only the Joker is left. When asked who the Joker is, they don’t know but a clown masker says the Joker (bank job leader) wears make-up, not a mask à we see the Joker with makeup AND a mask over that participating (tricking others).

INTRO TO WORLD — NOTICE THEY DIDN’T EXPLAIN THE WORLD, BUT PUT US INTO IT!

— big city bank, warning about it being mob money (asking for trouble), world of crime and killing well planned; weird clown-masker gang… to one left, the Joker, who is not only brazen enough to plan and pull off a big heist, but one of mob money. Total ruthlessness. Wondering how could it get worse than this? Bank guy laments how the criminals (the mob) used to believe in things, honor, respect. Joker takes off his mask…. He believes in whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stranger. ?? what does that mean??

LEAD CHARACTER INTRO.

— one clown-masker replies re who’s the Joker — he uses make-up, not a mask, war paint to scare people (not a clown to amuse kids!); we see a man on the street holding a mask with down-turned mouth, puts it on just before getting in the criminal gang car, so they & audience don’t know it’s the Joker joining them. Another clown-masker tells the Joker, who planned it, shouldn’t get any cut since he’s not doing the hard work of carrying it off — greedily suggesting they’d all get bigger cuts. ACTIONS–the Joker does participate and gets the entire payoff in the scene’s end. This implies he’s a great thinker/planner, exceedingly ruthless (but against greedy criminals), and dares to steal mob money. We wonder who is this guy????

Watch 2nd time for:·

CHALLENGING SITUATION

— greedy robbers out to get larger shares by eliminating each other; robbing a bank in a well-armed, alarmed, secure bank of mob money in a big and busy city.

INTRIGUE

— Will they pull it off (looks iffy); they wonder who the Joker is, then we wonder who the Joker is, esp at the end when he wins out over all others, why did he hit his mob bank, will the mob be after him (as a bank manager warned).

INTERESTING ACTION

— going by a high wire from one building to bank building roof, each doing a role to pull off bank job (like drilling into the really secure-looking safe), frightening bank customers and staffers, killing some, KILLING EACH OTHER, bus crashing thru building and the Joker getting away.

INTRIGUING DIALOGUE

— robbers wondering who Joker is; discussion/concern of (money split into) 5 shares, 6 with the planner Joker, and cutting the cutting him out.

TONE

— tense, negative (bad guys pulling it off, even tho it is a mob bank), weird with happy & sad masks. The Joker wears a sad mask — he’s sad for some reason??

LURES US INTO THE STORY

— high wire ride to the bank roof and other coordinated tactics, including planned killing off of robbers by robbers, as well as daring to hit a mob bank, makes us want to know who is this genius planner, the Joker, and why did he want to hit this mob bank beyond getting the loot. Does he have some plan with that loot?

TWIST AT CONCLUSION OF THE SCENE

— we are told the Joker is not participating (he wears makeup, they/we assume not a mask) and they are planning to cut him out of a share, but the Joker is participating and is the last man standing, escaping with ALL the loot.

What makes this scene great from a writing perspective:

— it has all the elements listed above, luring us into the story, wondering who this Joker is.

How I will improve my opening scene:

— I need to have more elements like this

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Hi everyone,

I’ve written 5 scripts, all involving climate change. The first four have done well winning various contests and the 5th is in 2nd draft. Three are sci-fi, one action, and the last one is a RomCom.

I hope this course will help me improve my scenes, especially the opening scene of my 5th screenplay.

I’m a retired anthropology professor, but have been writing fiction for decades — including a published romance novella, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, set in India.

I recently attended (online) The Hollywood Climate Summit – Writing Climate: Pitchfest for TV & Film. It was really educational with great tips for climate change screenwriting.

Lynn Vincentnathan

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan

I agree to the terms of this release form:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

RE the Vinny clip and exercise:

I am thinking of rewriting my character to contrast with an opposite type, but her “weakness” actually becomes her strength, like Vinny’s girlfriend, in car repair, becomes an expert witness.

Great for humor in my RomCom.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Doing Vinny here:

Watch 1st time for:

How is she tested and how does it build to an emotional moment?

— she’s not eager to be in court and tries to leave admitting she’s not a tire track expert, but the judge makes her stay and Vinny claims it’s only necessary for her to be a car expert. Trotter then gives her a trick question about cars which she can’t answer, but the judge probes, making her stay.

What is the result of the test?

— she explains it’s a trick question but then gives an astonishingly detailed answer for another car, showing her expertise.

Watch 2nd time for:

What drama is this scene built around?

— Vinny is grasping for some way to get the guys off the murder charge and hopes his girlfriend will be able to help
What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

— Because she is blue collar with amazing car repair experience (perhaps disvalued on a social scale), she’ll make a terrific expert witness.

Great for writing: the contrast between Southern type v. blue collar NY type is very funny. And in a formal courtroom situation. A fish totally out of water.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Dramatic Reveals!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that it is important to keep the suspense as to why this or that, but then reveal it strongly at the appropriate time and preferably under distress.

————————

A LIST OF IMPORTANT REVEALS IN MY SCRIPT:

ACT 1:

<u style=””>DEMAND: Ellie says she doesn’t want romantic involvement. Why? She seems attracted to Jim.

REVEALED in Act 1: Not only is she suffering “eco-despair” (which is revealed/implied in several scenes up through Act 3) but underlying that, father abandonment (which worsens her despair).

ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY (father abandonment): In SCENE 9B, the Marriage Barn scene, her uncle, Rev. Rudy, brings up how he’s tried to be a father to her since her father “went away.” She angrily responds “Abandoned Mamita and me! I hardly remember him. I was just five.” I ADDED: “But it killed Mom. Killed her slowly.” They audience would surmise that’s why she shies away from romance. Then in ACT 3 it is revealed she blames her mother’s cancer death on her father abandoning them — but by Act 3 she’s already in love with Jim and demands that they call the marriage back on because she doesn’t want to end up like her mom.

DEMAND: In Scene 2, class presentation, a denialist claims global warming is a hoax which the great Texas freeze of 2021 and others should have ended. Considering there’s an increase in such unusual freezes, it this proof global warming is a hoax?

REVEALED in Act 1: Ellie responds weakly saying weather events shouldn’t be confused with climate.

ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY in Act 1: instead of Ellie sounding like a weak wimp, she responds angrily with sarcasm, giving her a better flaw and also revealing (in next scene) why she has a wrong impression that she’s no good with people because of her anger problems, and (later) why she wants to live like a hermit on Great-uncle Layos ranch (she’s afraid of relationships and how they can harm people, herself & others, also relating to her father abandonment issue). However, is even her stronger response enough to quash denialist arguments? The issue keeps coming up.

REVEALED in Act 4: Layo, Gecko, and Jim explain to Jim’s Uncle Fred that these extraordinary freezes are actually caused by climate change, specifically warming in the Arctic.

ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY/HUMOROUSLY in Act 4: Layo sasses Fred with how to do averages (re global AVERAGE temps) and “So you don’t know pig shit about how Arctic burning brings severe freezes down south?” Gecko in Sheldonlike fashion gives the geeky science answer: “Yes, studies find that Arctic amplification and sea ice loss are linked to disruptive stratospheric polar vortex stretching, which delivers severe cold waves to mid-latitudes.” And Jim concurs. Ellie softens it with “But you’re right, Tio Fred, climate change doesn’t cause deep freezes… or heatwaves, it just makes them more likely.” Layo explodes with her use of “tio” for Fred, his arch enemy. When Fred disses Gecko, Jen angrily defends him — tying up that minor part of the story (Gecko gets a gal, now that he can’t get Ellie).

NOTE ALSO: There are lots of scenes where the weather is hotter than usual, tricky weather (hot, then cold, then hot), and at the end there is the worst-ever freeze. Some of this is revealed through the clothing they wear: short-sleeve, jackets, puffer jackets. (might find some way to put humor in this)

ACT 2:

DEMAND: Jim has some major obligation to Uncle Fred. Will this derail his relationship with Ellie? In SCENE 11 (end of ACT 1) Jim gives a “yikes!” expression when Ellie speaks of dirty oil money. Why? In SCENE 12 (1st of ACT 2) Jim’s mom mentions Jim’s big obligation to Fred and how he needs to come back to Houston end of semester. What is that obligation?

REVEALED: In SCENE 14 we find out Fred expects Jim to take over designing equipment for Arctic oil drilling for his oil engineering consultancy. Ellie doesn’t find out until SCENE 23 when she tells of her promise to live on Layo’s ranch and they call off their plan to marry.

ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY: In SCENE 14 at a college engineering function to honor alumnus Fred, Fred announces that Jim is going to work for him and design that equipment, putting Jim on the spot. Jim privately expresses dislike for that and his uncle. His uncle expresses his dislike for Jim taking alternative energy courses. In SCENE 23, because Jim in SCENE 13C expressed it was his dream to have a ranch like Layo’s (with shade of sadness), Ellie had assumed that would be their plan, but Jim says, “A house? On his ranch? Ellie, I owe Uncle Fred everything. He’s been paying for my education and Mom’s mortgage. I’m working for his company in a few months. I have to, even if I’d rather do something else. He’s been priming me for it.” They call it off.

ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY: In SCENE Act 3 scene 37 when Ellie confronts Fred and demands he release Jim from the obligation, at least get into alternative energy. Then in Act 4 scene 46, when Ellie against pleads with Fred to release Jim from his obligation and (surprise twist) we find out Fred is obligated to Jim for using Jim’s father’s inheritance to expand his business. Jim is now released, but quick follow-on with Layo accusing Fred of being a cheater, stealing the love of his life away from him decades ago.

DEMAND: In SCENE 13C we find out Ellie’s Great-uncle Layo hates Jim’s Uncle Fred. Is it just a climate change disagreement? How will this affect the couple’s relationship? This consuming hatred also partly reveals why Layo seems bitter and against people.

REVEALED: In ACT 4 we find out not only the climate change disagreement, but that Fred had stole Layo’s great love, Sarah, away from him.

ELEVATED DRAMATICALLY: As above – Act 4 scene 46.

DEMAND: In Scene 1C, Mack makes Jim a wager he won’t be able to get Ellie in bed (in subtext)–that he’ll freeze to death before reaching summit on Mt. Everest. Is Jim’s pursuit of Ellie just to win a wager? He does seem to be falling for her, or is he an extremely smooth operator? What will happen if Ellie finds out about the wager?

REVEAL: Various progressive scenes in Acts 1 and 2 seem to indicate Jim’s sincerity and increasing love for Ellie. But in Act 2 Scene 20 Ellie finds out about the wager and in Scene 22 she confronts Jim about it.

DRAMATICALLY: In this Act 2 confrontation, Jim wrongly suspects Ellie has “drifted” to Gecko, and Ellie is furious Jim has made a wager about her. This ends with them clearing up the misunderstandings, professing their love, and the proposal of marriage. And this then leads to the Midpoint wedding planning when they find out their opposing obligations and have to call the wedding off, but now very much in love.

COMICALLY: ADDED NEW end of ACT 4 as a comedic topper: In the final scene of the screenplay Jim gives Mack a twenty dollar bill while they are freezing knee-deep in Gulf waters searching for cold-stunned turtles. Subtext: Mack won the bet that Jim would freeze to death before reaching summit (bedding Ellie). Ellie wonders what that’s about. Jim says he’ll tell her later, after their grandkid is born.

There are other reveals I need to look into for more drama/comedy.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan Loves Character Depth

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who struggle to overcome family fights about global warming, then try to get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that I can give my characters even more depth after all this time of developing the story.

Changes I made in ELLIE using:

1. CHARACTER STORYLINES AND ELEVATE

Got this INSIGHT while writing out the storyline & am making CHANGES:

Bringing it in stronger that Ellie has her comfort zone and wants to stay in it (partly from her father abandonment wound), which is why she hates big cities and plans to live as a near recluse with Great-uncle Layo, helping him. She doesn’t even like the business and engineering side of campus, Jim’s side, which in her view is anti-environmental. She’s afraid to leave her comfort zone because she fears her anger would be triggered and cause problems (see below).

2. WHAT ARE THEY HIDING FROM ME?

Ellie (wrongly) thinks she has an anger problem. She’s afraid losing temper will turn people off rendering her ineffective and harming the cause. As much as she blames her father for abandoning them, she thinks it was her mother’s bad temper that drove him away. All she remembers at age 5 is her mother being extremely angry, a lot of dishes being broken, and her father leaving without even turning back to her when she called out “Daddy.” She never saw him or heard from him again. She later learns it was his unfaithfulness that caused her mother’s anger, but cannot get over her primal fear of anger, of breaking things, breaking relationships, breaking the world. Somehow she handles and deals with Layo despite his anger problem, but perhaps also believes that’s why he’s a recluse and ineffective (like her).

3. HOW CAN THIS STORY TRIGGER THE CHARACTER?

What triggers Ellie’s anger the most is anti-environmental flack. But she also fears her anger will turn people off of environmental pursuits.

– Luz angrily exaggerates env problems to a anti-environmental student –> Ellie scolds her for turning people off. Then Ellie controls her anger when another student givea env flack, but then lets loose on the environmentalist who nearly destroyed the env club. She also snaps at Jim and Mack for “scoping them out” (Sc1), feels bad about it.

– Flack from B&E class –> Ellie struggles to control anger, but when someone says global warming is a hoax, she loses it with a sarcastic retort. Then as she leaves the classroom she angrily shouts out a topper to the others about GW also harming the birds and butterflies (Scene 2).

– She worries to Jim about her anger problem, but Jim jokes about her not being angry enough (Scene 3)

– She later gets angry about Jim’s bet with Mack (toward end of Act 2).

– eventually toward the story’s end she becomes diplomatic dealing with difficult others, using finesse rather than anger, and gains faith in herself and idea that she has now become a people person, able to face the world and effectively help rather than harm.

=============

Changes I made in JIM using:

1. CHARACTER STORYLINES AND ELEVATE

Jim (2nd protag) goes from happy-go-lucky, playful playboy to serious and in love.

2. WHAT ARE THEY HIDING FROM ME?

I didn’t quite know why Jim was that way, but it was actually a cover for losing his beloved father and having to deal with his ornery, demanding uncle. He is actually a good person, not really into a heartless playboy life. But he can’t let his cover down or it might swallow him into a blubbering blob.

3. HOW CAN THIS STORY TRIGGER THE CHARACTER?

— whenever there is something sad or serious or conflicting, he makes jokes and strives to reject these. He fears his sorrow that might arise and he won’t be able to deal with life.

— when students attack Ellie, he doesn’t confront them (Sc2), and afterword (Sc3) makes a joke out of her fear of her anger causing problems.

— when he is attracted to Ellie and falling for her (Sc1), he goes along with Mack in making it out to be a bet about whether he can get her in bed. He continues falling for her, but also accepts Mack’s idea that it’s a bet up to the inciting incident after learning his pastor is Ellie’s uncle and he kisses her.

— He no longer thinks of it as a bet, but is seriously striving to win very reluctant, afraid of relationships Ellie. However he continues to be playful and make jokes, esp when confronted with problems… which actually helps Ellie lighten up.

— Ellie is very serious about environmental problems, Jim though concerned, seems not as serious — he’s conflicted since he has to work for his uncle in his oil engineering consultancy, designing equipment for drilling in the deep Arctic Ocean — which could threaten disaster. But he suppresses all this with his playfulness. Be merry, for tomorrow the salt mines and death to the world.

— only at the end at their wedding when Ellie (having become a stronger person) demands the uncle release Jim from his obligation, does the uncle and Jim’s mother explain that Jim has no obligation, they had only made him think so because he had been too playful and wanted him to mature and become serious. At that point he explains he was covering up for his great sorrow of losing his dad.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I clicked “complete” on all that I could and got to Week 3 Day 4: Character Climax – THE MATRIX. Will have to wait until tomorrow night to get the next one.

Once we get to Vinny, I’ll post to this lesson, and hope they open up forums for the real “Week 3.”

Meanwhile I’m saving up all my answers for when the forums open up for them.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Attraction can be subtle, fraught with resistance.

I added a simple gesture to Ellie (who is strong about not getting involved). In scene 4, She has the flower Jim gave her in scene 3 (as a way of making up to her for getting her into a difficult situation) in her hair, even though in later scenes she protests any interest.

This way I dribble it along in various scenes that she is attracted to Jim AND tries to resist it.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Watch 1st time for:

– Where do you see attraction show up for Ally?

……. Seems when she asks about him, then makes up a song about him after his sad story, but definitely at the end when she touches his face

– Where do you see attraction show up for Jack?

……… He seems into her all along, more when she make up the song, and but definitely when she sings the song she came up with a few days earlier and he then kisses her hand

– What is causing that attraction?

……….

Watch 2nd time for:

– What drama is this scene built around?

She has hurt her hand and he is trying to fix it with frozen peas

– What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

INSIGHTS: attraction is something inside, can be expressed by expressions, but it is something budding that ends up expressed in words and actions. It’s perhaps sudden, but it’s also a process.

———————

What makes this character great from a writing perspective

……. A famous singer/songwriter, alcoholic indicating serious inner problems and wounds, and at least portending a future self-destructive crash

…….. A shy, self-effacing/doubting gal with great talent — will she bud out or remained closed?

INSIGHTS: I really love the “will such persons with such differences fall in love and get together” suspense.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

– What makes this love triangle interesting?

…….. Danny is smooth and determined to get Tess back. Tess is upset, but she also still has something for Danny. Tess is with Terry, who is a rich casino owner and doesn’t lie or steal, like risky Danny.

– Where do you see secrets, intrigue, and emotional needs?

…….. SECRETS: Danny is probably not going to tell Tess his plan to rob the casino. Tess is not telling Danny she has something for him.

……. INTRIGUE: Will Danny’s desire for Tess ruin his scheme, esp if Tess finds it out. Will Tess finally go with Danny, or try to help Terry avoid the theft.

……. EMOTIONAL NEEDS: Tess indicates she needs stability and security, but she really needs love. Danny needs love, but he desired money and revenge ?

– Where do you see conflict between each point of the triangle?

…….. Between Danny and Tess (struggle to get together, stay apart), Tess and Terry (struggle to hang on to each other, Tess wavering about telling him about Danny and the plot), Danny and Terry (over Tess and re the Danny’s plot to rob him)

—————————————————————

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

– What drama is this scene built around?

…….. Danny is out of prison and surprises Tess with his determination to win her back.

—————————————————————-

– What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

…….. Danny is a slick theft, charming, he is hurt Tess has divorced him, will be robbing Danny and getting Tess? Or ?

…….. Tess is sophisticated and capable of brushing off men and getting what she wants, she’s been hurt by Danny, she will get what she really wants ?? a straight guy Danny, who still has attractive charm ??

———————

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE?

– Danny has a range of emotions and inner conflicts between getting Tess and getting the money. Great dialogue with lots of subtext.

– Tess has a range of emotions and inner conflicts between keeping her life stable and happiness with crooked Danny. Great dialogue with lots of subtext.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

How is this power struggle created?

– What is it about these characters that demand this power struggle?

—– seems the white boy is a top player and racist, against the black coach and blacks on the team (wants to segregate offense v. defense players)

—– the black coach has his own dignity and authority position and will not let others trample on these

– How does each character’s audience influence and depend upon this power struggle?

—– the black coach as another black coach ? and black players from the other school, plus his audience is all the whites there. He cannot give into a white student under his authority or he’ll lose respect of the blacks AND the whites.

——- the white boy has his parents and white coaches there; he wants to impress them, but he can’t afford to get into trouble with the black coach or he’ll lose his position on the team ? He apparently expected the blacks, including the coach, to obey all the whites, even the students.

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

– What drama is this scene built around?

—– desegregation of two schools, racism

– How are they expressing their Profile (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) through their words and actions?

—– the white boy at first is cocky, sure he can boss the black coach, but demurs in shame. He’s living in his future of maintaining his position on the team and being a great player.

—– the black coach is cocky with the white coaches, seems he wants to create a future in which they do not mistreat him or keep him down… he plows through the white coaches with cocky quips. He makes a joke out of the white boy and friend and puts them in their place, establishing his authority over them.

– – – – –

I’m thinking of the distinction Archbishop Tutu made between authoritative and authoritarian. The black coach was more toward the authoritative side, the whites more authoritarian.

———————

What makes this character great from a writing perspective?

— Great role for Denzel Washington — he is walking into a reactionary, racist, resistant-to-change situation and has to establish his position and equal footing early on. Great dialogue and actions

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

How mismatched are these two?

– night and day and not just racial difference; Tony’s a lower-class tough guy bouncer, Don is a well-educated classical musician. Tony’s poor, Don is rich and in command.

What do they have to get over to be able to work together and become friends?

– racial prejudice, class prejudice, and a long itiniery

<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Knowing that Tony gets the job, how does this mismatch create a future for both characters?

– they will either have to get along or bust up. The struggles they will face in early 1960s Deep South will get them fighting on the same team against the problems there. Tony will come to appreciate blacks and elites; Don will come to appreciate whites and working class folks.

————

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

What drama is this scene built around?

– Prejudiced Tony needing a job, considers if he willing to “lower” himself to work for a black, though not to the extent of shining his shoes.

– Don considers if uncouth Tony is right for the tough job ahead.

What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

– Tony is crude, tough, ready to fight, but has to grovel for a job

– Don is aloof, upper strata, refined, famous, into classical music

—————-

WHAT MAKES THIS CHARACTER GREAT FROM A WRITING PERSPECTIVE?

– The relationship and contrast between the crude white guy and the refined, snobbish black. It’s a terrific cliche reversal.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character:

Working on it — In my Rom-Com, it’s more like the 2 antags are the ones in conflict that causes the couple to call off their wedding several times. And they are equally matched, worthy opponents — college mates with degrees in engineering. Fred went into oil engineering, Layo went into alt energy engineering. Both equally cantankerous and they hate each other with purple passion, though they haven’t seen each other in 40 years. And the underlying wound that makes it worse — a woman Fred stole from Layo.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

RE the GREEN BOOK, the mismatch in my script is again between the 2 Antags. While they are worthy opponents, they are totally mismatched in their lifestyles, pursuits, goals, and values. They have hated each other from afar for decades. They finally resolve their dispute and differences toward the end of the script, which it seems will allow the Protags’ wedding to go on in peace, but then their new common ground also threatens the wedding (it’s a Rom-Com, so this is for comedic effect).

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1st TIME FOR:

What tension comes from putting these two worthy opponents face-to-face?

– Ringo’s friend disses Earp, then Earp’s friend Doc Holliday calls out Ringo (they’ve heard of each other & their reputations), expresses hate toward him, then they compete with Latin & gun/cup tricks.

– Doc says Ringo reminds him of himself — suggesting they are equals in gun skills.

What does Doc discover about Johnny’s character in their first meeting?

– That Ringo is a show-off and arrogant, with a need to best his rivals

How these two characters stand out from the others.

– they are both very skilled in gun handling & have reputations for that

– they are both educated (know Latin), but Doc outdoes Ringo

(this is believable to me since my grandmother (b. 1887) got Latin education in grammar and high school, and we know Doc was educated well beyond high school.)

– they are both very brave and confrontational, even foolishly confrontational

———————-

WATCH 2nd TIME FOR:

What drama is this scene built around?

– When confronted by Ringo and friend about being the law, Earp says he’s retired, but when they ask Doc, he says he’s in his prime (coughing from TB). Doc expresses hatred for Ringo, which starts their competition in Latin and gun & cup tricks.

What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

– brave, confrontational, competitive, show-offs

– Doc has TB and will probably be dying from it at a young age… which may make him foolhardy.

– Doc is protective of Earp

– Ringo and Doc will be meeting in the future in a deadly confrontation & since both are equally skilled, it is a toss-up (tho most know the story from history or earlier movies)

—————————————-

What makes this character great from a writing perspective?

– both are excellent fighters and skilled gunmen

– both can battle well with words, retorts

– they are cool, not given to emotions or getting ruffled/angered

– Doc, however, is emotionally bound to his friend, Earp.

– Doc is slowly dying from from TB, but disregards that danger

– Ringo is ruthless, evil

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

What causes you to believe these two belong together?

– Red and Seabiscuit are both pugnacious, with anger issues

– Both are willing to fight against all odds

Notice any similar emotions and actions.

– Red and Seabiscuit are full of fight and anger in their words (and neighs) and fighting, resisting

———————————

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

What drama is this scene built around?

– read the synopsis – Red and Seabiscuit are living in the future of being jockey and racehorse. They are being “rescued” by Charles

What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

– anger, fight, willingness against odds, wounded past, winning future

———————

What makes this character great from a writing perspective

– emotion, anger, fight, willing to fight against bad odds

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character:

I needed to make sure there was more than attraction between Ellie and Jim in this Rom-Com. I needed to improve the notion that they belong together.

I think I did this in Scene 3 when I rewrote it for last week’s exchange. She is in despair, he is happy-go-lucky (on the surface). She needs him to lighten her load, help her become an effective eco-activist; he needs her to help him through his difficult future (which comes out in later scenes). Without Jim, Ellie is too serious and despairing. With him in Scene 3 and later he gets her to smile a bit, infuses her with a more positive and hopeful zest.

It really comes out in Scene 6 where he finds out Ellie is his pastor’s (Rev. Rudy’s) niece. From that point Jim is into wanting a more serious relationship than a fling, though it isn’t stated. His only problem with her is he has to go to great lengths to get romance-shy Ellie into a relationship without her knowing it’s a relationship.

—————————————-

A BREAKTHROUGH from Week 2 Audio and “Start looking at scenes and ask what’s their future and is there anything in that scene that indicates their future” & in reference to A STAR IS BORN.

It occurred to me that I hadn’t really given Ellie much of a future — just a vague idea of eco-activism, getting married, and helping her great-uncle Layo with his alt energy inventions.

Now I’m making it clearer her future is to be a talented writer/communicator in her eco-activism pursuits. We know she’s a journalism major & has class assignments to write for the college newspaper. We know she wants to help Layo publicize his inventions. But I needed a plant or two about her great writing skills, so I redid Scene 12 (1st scene in Act 2) in which her roommate and Jim praise her article. And a bit in Scene 31.

However, she had earlier envisioned writing as a way of hiding — she had figured she could live on recluse Great-uncle Layo’s remote ranch and write about his inventions, avoiding engaging the world in a more personal way. I’ll see if I can stick that in some way… Fixed now in Scenes 35 & 36, just before the final act.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

What causes you to believe these two belong together?

– Sam obviously needs someone. He’s seems a great guy and parent.

– Annie is emotionally tuned into Sam and his son. She needs someone.

Notice any similar emotions, words, and actions.

– she gives the same answers as Sam

– she’s tearing up

– he’s also emotional, beyond concern for his motherless son.

——————

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

What drama is this scene built around?

– Sam’s son has called a talk radio psychologist, Sam has intervened; Annie is listening on her car radio, really tuned into their plight

What profile items (right character, traits, secret, wound, future) showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

– Sam: loving father, can’t sleep due to losing his wife, had a great marriage

– Annie: very emotional, into Sam and his son,

– seems they may be right for each other, but are worlds apart.

– future: somehow they WILL get together.

————————————-

What makes this character great from a writing perspective?

– they both have problems — he’s grieving loss of his wife and needs someone; she also seems sad and needs someone

– they are both emotional and tuned into others’ issues and problems

– he denies he needs anyone, but we know that’s not true. His son knows he needs someone.

– they are apart and that looks like the major hurdle

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I learned that even though I had given my protags (and even the antags) wounds, I had not had that strong scene before the last act in which the Ellie reveals her father abandonment wound in a dramatic way to Jim. She had somewhat revealed it to her uncle and the audience in Act 1. It was needed there to help explain why she was so against getting romantically involved beyond her eco-anxiety, which was made worse from her earlier, deeper wound.

My later scene is now fixed and more dramatic.

Another thing: I just watched the old PRIDE & PREJUDICE (1940). Darcy’s wound also gets revealed near the end — his sister had been defrauded by the same guy Elizabeth’s sister had been defrauded by). Although Darcy was of a higher status than Elizabeth and thought it an issue, this commonality made them right for and sympathetic toward each other. And it also explained why Darcy was too serious — it was not his arrogance.

In THE PROPOSAL, orphaned Margaret also blurts out her wound to the Andrew before the final act, “I forgot what it’s like to have a family.” This also helps explain why she was so hard-nosed to her underlings at work.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

What causes both characters to reveal their wounds?

– Skylar is going to California and wants Will to come with her, but he’s afraid she’ll ditch him over there (out of his element)

How are those wounds motivating their emotions, actions, and reactions?

– For Will, it has made him distrust any loving relationship, stifled his emotions, and because it also involves severe physical wounds, has made him bellicose.

– For Skylar, it has made her search for a more authentic love than the superficial ones in elite society.

How is each character threatening the other’s wound?

– Skylar wants a deeper, loving relationship, but Will’s afraid to love and be loved due to being an orphan and mistreated in foster care.

– Will would like to continue the non-commitment relationships with Skylar in his familiar territory, where he feels safest.

——————————————————

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

What drama was this scene built around?

– They are making love, but are about to split, with her going to California and him staying behind. Or he could go with her.

What traits showed up in these character’s words and actions?

– Skylar is heart-broken at the loss of her father. She is a loving person and needs a deeper relationship. She loves Will and wants him to love her and be with her.

– Will is almost totally closed off, afraid of all relationships because of the hurt it may bring. He is violent and it seems she is triggering him to be violent against her, but he hits the wall instead (which I guess is his way of saying I love you).

– When Will says he doesn’t love Skylar, we know that it not true — it is only a way to keep him sealed off from emotions and the world.

—————————————————–

They are great characters because of their deep wounds, esp Will’s, and that makes them somewhat right for each other, but also in conflict.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’m ready to exchange scripts.

I have a Rom-Com, WEATHERING IT, about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Solved Scene Problems!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that even the toughest scene problems can be elevated.

One of my improvements: Scene 2 with 10 bored students in 30-seat classroom for a Business and Environment course was a boring setting, even tho the dialogue was fine. When I focused on its main purpose — to show Ellie as a failure at getting students interested in environmental issues (among other purposes), but not a weak unrelatable wimp — the solution came to me. Now the setting is a 100-student auditorium classroom, dark gallery with the 10 bored students scattered around, bright stage with lights blinding Ellie, a screen behind and above her reaching to the high ceiling with the huge letters “E S G,” a really intimidating situation, especially when the students start tearing into her and she can hardly see them. It’s like the room itself is against her! To create humor RomComs are supposed to put their protags in excruciating and embarrassing situations and I think this does it. It’s sort of like Thurber’s cartoon of a man coming home to his 2-storey house that looks like his huge wife about to devour him.

Most of my scenes seem fine, re 1 through 8 on the Scenes Grid. I’ve left notes on seven scenes that have some problems and am working on those.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn is Cliche Busting!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that I haven’t seen a whole lot of movies, so I’m not sure if I have some cliches unawares. But to my knowledge I don’t have any cliche scenes. That’s mainly because nearly all the scenes come from my personal experiences in the Rio Grande Valley and Houston and my unusual focus on climate change stories. This latter seems to me a bigger turn-off problem. I know, if you want to send a message, use Western Union.

I do have a cliche “situation” — where the heroine in this Rom-Com falsely suspects the hero of having a bad motive and he wrongly suspects her of drifting to “the other man.” However, I think these situations are common to a lot of romances, if not most or all. I’m hoping this doesn’t make for a turn-off cliche. If so, I could redo it. All it does is extend Act 2 and cause the couple on make-up to come together more strongly, admit their love for each other and desire to get married. These are not their biggest hurdles.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

What I learned rewriting my scene/character:

1. I’m thinking the first clip makes Kate out to be dangerous.

2. The second makes her out to be someone relatable, a bit vulnerable, trying to cope in a bad situation. She doesn’t seem so dangerous.

3. The third shows what she did, why she’s considered dangerous by authorities, but also implies she’s mainly dangerous to sleezy drunken men who perhaps have harmed her, maybe someone like Sawyer, but not necessarily to someone like Jack.

————————————————-

I don’t have any characters like those, but I do have several set-up/reveal situations. I’ve made some changes to one to help reveal character more:

Scene 11: After Ellie has agreed to a “situationship” with Jim, when she says something negative about oil money, Jim (without Ellie seeing) gives a “yike” expression.

Scene 12: Jim talks to his mom who reminds him of his obligation to his uncle, which Jim is trying to postpone. His mom tells him his uncle is visiting campus next week, which has Jim worried. He covers this up to Ellie.

Scene 13C: Visiting a ranch, Jim tells Ellie he’s always wanted a brushlands ranch, but it’s just a dream and he wishes he could go through life dreaming. Ellie wonders about that.

Scene 14: Jim’s uncle reminds Jim of his obligation to work for him in his petroleum engineering consultancy (reveal to the audience, creating suspense re how Ellie will react).

This set-up/reveal is a set-up for the big reveal to Ellie at midpoint when they call off their wedding due to conflicting obligations and life directions.

The trick here is to make Jim a good and relatable protag, without making him bad and deceitful in a mean way. So, I’m rewriting to make him more resistant to his uncle, and sort of afraid of losing Ellie if she knows the truth, figuring he’ll be able to get her on board once she’s more committed to him. Also Ellie has her own reveal about her commitment to help at the ranch; she has assumed Jim would be all in for that, but she, like Jim, didn’t discuss it with him earlier. They both come across as a bit immature, which is fine since they have the second half of the script to grow up.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1st TIME FOR:

How is Kate’s secret set up?

– A dying marshal has Jack get a wanted poster on Kate, saying she’s dangerous

What causes demand to know what the secret is?

– Kate plays a game with Sawyer that makes her admit she killed a man (he also admits he did too)

How is Kate’s secret revealed?

– in a flashback – she explodes a house with the man in it. It seems she may have some reason for that action — the man has really hurt her in some way, and she’s unable to solve it with outside help.

– the audience knows this secret, but the characters don’t know

—————————————————————–

WATCH 2nd TIME FOR:

What drama was this scene built around?

– there’s been a plane crash on an island, a man is dying, Jack, a surgeon, is attending him.

– he has some important info to get across and has Jack get the wanted poster on Kate and warns him about her

– they are trying to salvage what they can. Sawyer has gotten the liquor bottles. Jack probably wanted those to use as antiseptics.

– they have flashbacks to reveal backstories on them

What traits showed up in these character’s words and actions?

– Jack is a conscientious surgeon, hates to have people die; he’s brave

– Kate seems to be an okay person, but there’s a wanted poster on her; she seems to have issues and cause for murdering that man, but also her crime has perhaps hardened her in some way, she may think herself a criminal. She’s never been to college, is into having a good time with Sawyer, and is not put off by his sleeziness. She seems to get involved with the wrong man again. Low self-esteem.

– Sawyer appears to be a “bad boy” type, sleezy. He pretends he’s been to college, uses “ain’t” and also “fancy words” like “carte blanche.” He appears intelligent, selfish, and perhaps dangerous.

——————————————

What makes these characters great from a writing perspective?

– Jack from his traits appears to be the hero of the program, the “good guy.”

– Kate seems to be between Jack and Sawyer — somewhat good (which make the wanted poster a real shocker) and perhaps fell into bad due to circumstances, so we don’t know whether she’ll be on Jack’s side or Sawyer’s side. That creates suspense and mystery.

– Sawyer appears to be an antagonist, even though they are in the same situation and will need to cooperate to survive. But he’s also handsome and engaging, though a “bad boy.”

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WHAT I LEARNED FROM REWRITING MY SCENE/CHARACTER

Another thought I had is that despite Junah’s loss of faith in himself, he is willing to give it a try for the person and community he loves and for the sport and his ID as a golfer he loves. Perhaps even willing to suffer humiliating defeat, if he goes thru with the tournament. His love and desire to help others (and himself come out of the dumps) makes this poignant to the extent that spiritual forces send him help.

I’m thinking this is my 2 protags (it’s a Rom-Com): Jim is “sent” to help Ellie blossom out and become a strong eco-leader. Ellie is “sent” to help Jim weather his uncle’s demands on him, which pull him in an opposite direction to where he wants to go, and finally help him break out of those demands.

I was able to bring this more into various scenes throughout my script (in the dialogue) — Ellie’s lack of belief in herself (like Sarah and Junah), and finally realizing her earlier life’s plan had simply been to hide out on her reclusive great-uncle’s ranch when her actual goal and desire was to help save the earth.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1st TIME FOR:

Where is Junah coming from?

– he’s an alcoholic without any faith in his ability

Where is Bagger Vance coming from?

– I looked it up because I hadn’t seen the movie — he’s a Krishna figure out to coax and coach a reluctant Arjuna figure to engage in battle and win, a golf tournament. He’s portrayed here as a poor black drifter.

What makes them right for their roles in this movie?

– Junah was a local champion, but has lost it and lost his faith in himself (which has driven him to drink). He has a great mid-life hero’s journey to regain it and win.

– Bagger is cheery, helpful, and persistent, but not too pushy. A great mentor role. And because he’s black he fits the “Magical African-American Friend” (a point that got criticized). It probably wouldn’t have worked with a white.

——————————————

WATCH 2nd TIME FOR:

What drama was this scene built around?

– Junah is out in the dark (ashamed of himself), seeing whether he has the ability to golf well again.

What traits showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

– Bagger won’t let go, but persists in a gentle way to become Junah’s caddy and coach. It’s gentle, with a touch of gentle sarcasm.

– Junah was worried he may have hit Bagger, worried for his well-being, offers him some food in his house, seeing he’s a drifter who only wants $5 to be his caddy. He offers Bagger some booze, showing the audience he is a heavy drinker (even outside in the yard).

– Junah is reluctant to claim he’s a golfer, but says Bagger is when Bagger hits the ball way out. Bagger demurs, but finally gets Junah to hit it way out.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WHAT I LEARNED FROM REWRITING MY SCENE/CHARACTER

I was worried that my heroine Ellie was too weak and ineffective in the first few scenes. That’s okay. She’s like Sarah, with good, relatable traits like compassion and a willingness, a bit reluctant though it may be (due to her wrong self-assessment, like Sarah’s), to get into things new and frightening to her. I actually didn’t have to rewrite these scenes much, but if I had not had this breakthrough insight, I might have rewritten it based on that worry and made her too competent. I did make a few changes to make her a bit more compassionate and concerned about the future.

In a way Jim, the male protag, is sort of like Kyle in that he falls in love with Ellie right away. She doesn’t see it, and even the audience dithers between knowing that and wondering if he’s just trying to trick her into bed, but later he confesses he loved her right from the beginning. His future is aligned with Ellie’s, to save the earth, but his future right from the beginning is Ellie, to marry her, though he doesn’t totally understand that.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Week 1 Day 2: Living Into Their Future – THE TERMINATOR

WATCH 1ST TIME FOR:

What future is Sarah Connor living into?

– She will train her son, John Conner, to be the leader of the resistance

What future is Kyle Reese living into?

– It is unclear in this scene, but I know the movie, so he will become the father of John Connor, but will die — I forget how, from his wound or from protecting Sarah. He loves her and is willing to die for her and for the cause.

What is Sarah’s transformation that is implied by this scene?

– she will go from a weakling, unable to balance her checkbook to a very strong woman, organized, battle-knowledgeable, able to train John well to lead the resistance.

—————————————————————–

WATCH 2ND TIME FOR:

What drama was this scene built around?

– they are evading the dangerous Terminator out to kill Sarah (and Kyle). They’re in hiding in a culvert, waiting for dawn. A lull in the intense action of the story.

– they have a chance now to get into each other. Kyle expresses his love and admiration for Sarah he’s had or a long time. Sarah now believes him and the future and is worried she may diss the father of her son. She shows compassion, concern for Kyle re his wound (which she patches, tho she didn’t know how to treat before — he compliments her, she’s proud), and concerned that he has volunteered for this dangerous mission to save her.

——

What traits showed up in these two character’s words and actions?

– Sarah now believes Kyle. She’s compassionate. She’s horrified, then sympathetic about Kyle’s wound. She’s concerned about the future. However, she also feels unable to fulfill her destiny and briefly rejects it, but then seems resigned to it. She’s a budding hero, willing to learn.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Solved/Solving Character Problems!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that I had some talking-head scenes that needed revision. Also I’m not ecstatic about the character intros, but for this story these seem okay. The bad guys fair better in their mean/difficult personalities coming out in their intros.

No problem with A, C, G, F (for female protag), or H

Enhanced “F. male protag transformational journey.”

Could improve “B. weak protag,” “D. somewhat weak intro,” “E. characters not in action.” Giving these to my creative process.

D. Protag intros: I think the problem is I didn’t want the good guys to look too bad or too weak to the point of the audience not being able to ID with them. I need to find the right balance. So the heroine is somewhat weak, ineffective, in eco-despair, but strongly committed to her eco-mission without romance (she doesn’t want to hurt anyone, re to her father abandonment wound). The hero is somewhat of a playboy, but more just playful, and this is his cover for his wound of his father dying and his uncle forcing him into a career he hates.

I’m thinking the problem is these are college kids/adults not quite toughened the way Margaret is in THE PROPOSAL. It’s sort of a tail-end coming of age story. They go through trials and tribulations with their romance and families and come out more mature and strengthened.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WHAT I LEARNED FROM REWRITING MY SCENE/CHARACTER

Later on I got this additional breakthrough/insight from the video scene: the setting was a set-up for conflict and character reveal. The pub was Harvard student territory. Clark was not so much protecting the coed, but the territory, as in “you don’t belong here.” Will and the boys had purposely gone there, even though they knew it was not their territory. Seems not only to pick up girls, but as a joke.

I had Scene 2 in my Rom-Com screenplay in what I considered a very boring setting, a 30-seat college classroom. I had been worrying about that for many weeks. The purpose of that scene was to show heroine Ellie as ineffective in getting people into eco-concerns & people not really into eco-concerns. I think the dialogue was fine — they attacked her; it was not her course, but the hero had invited her to come there to present about the environmental club and an upcoming trip.

My problem was I didn’t want to make her out to be an extreme, unrelatable, unlikeable weakling, but just give her a journey. Solution: make the setting much more intimidating, even against her. So I changed it to a 100-seat auditorium classroom, the gallery with attacking students dark, the stage with a huge screen behind Ellie (all the way up to the high ceiling with unrelated huge letter E S G) bright, lights nearly blinding Ellie so she could hardly see the students or who was attacking her. That way she became even more out of her element, like Will and boys, like Andy in Miranda’s territory, with the setting sort of attacking her. Reminded me of Thurber’s man coming home to his 2-storey house that had morphed into his devouring wife.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

WATCH 1ST TIME – TRAITS:

WILL’S TRAITS:

– protective of his friend, who is trying to impress a Harvard coed & gets pulled down by a grad student.

– dislikes Clark and perhaps all snobbish Harvard grad students.

– extremely knowledgeable about pre-revolutionary U.S. history

– a tough guy, ready to fight for his dignity and that of his friend

– ends by expressing contempt for the upper class & okay with his working class status/job.

SKYAR’S TRAITS:

– She’s a Harvard student out for fun and pickup?

– She dislikes Clark’s snobbery and dissing of Chuckie

CHUCKIE’S TRAITS:

– out to pickup a girl

– tries to impress her, though she doesn’t seem interested whether he does or not

– spars with Clark over the fake “history course,” but is losing it when Will steps in.

– admires Will

—————————————————————————————

WATCH 2ND TIME – MORE TRAITS:

– has a strong Boston accent, probably working class (saw the movie, so I know that much)

– also his shirt has tears.

– he has a cut lip — did he already fight someone?

– humor — smiles at the exchange between his friend (thick accent, working class) and the Harvard guy (without accent).

– puts the grad down by outdoing him re knowledge — in defense of his friend

– re his extreme knowledge about pre-revolutionary history, since this was just brought up, we can assume he’s very knowledgeable about many other subjects. He’s probably a genius.

– interesting that part of the subject is that last part is about class differences, which is what’s going on in the scene

SKYAR’S TRAITS:

– gets embarrassed by Clark’s attack on Chuckie

– dislikes Clark’s snobbery and dissing of Chuckie, tells Clark to go away

– astonished by Will’s knowledge

CHUCKIE’S TRAITS:

– spars with Clark over the fake “history course,” but is losing AND ABOUT TO PICK A FIGHT, when Will steps in

– admires Will

– once Will puts Clark in his place, he throws a “chop.” Has to have the last word.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan

I agree to the terms of this release form:

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Hi everyone,

I’ve written 5 scripts, all involving climate change. The first 4 have done well winning various contests but have weaknesses. The 5th is in its 2nd draft stage in SU’s “Writing Incredible Movies” course. I hope this course will help me improve my characters.

In addition to the WIM course, I’ve taken many “free” classes here and several shorter courses, such as the ones on dialogue, rewriting, and subtext. And I’ve taken other online and in-class screenwriting courses.

I’m a retired anthropology professor but have been writing fiction for decades — including a published romance novella, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, set in India. 😁

Last summer I attended (online) The Hollywood Climate Summit – Writing Climate: Pitchfest for TV & Film. It was really educational with great tips for climate change screenwriting. In fact, I got my idea for my current script from it.

Lynn Vincentnathan

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Structure Solutions

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

I LEARNED that I didn’t include everything from my “WIM OUTLINE Plus,” an extended outline including the brief WIM outline, the various earlier assignments (protag’s journey, action tracks, subtext, etc), plus various ideas that popped into my head. I found a few nuggets there to help deliver on the pitch, improve the structure, or add more comedy.

RE THE GRID CATEGORIES:

1. Script doesn’t match the pitch (see pitch above).

I worry that “the worst ever Texas freeze” only materializes in Act 4. However, since the script fits the title both literally and figuratively and it’s the story I want to tell, I might think of ways to fix the pitch instead. Also I peppered the script with mentions of the past great Texas freeze of 2021, which portends the even worse fictional one in Act 4, and how it is used to deny climate change, but near the end characters explain how these severe freezes are actually linked to climate change. I’ve also added more references to the odd weather, some via clothing, like summer clothes into November, next day frigid winter wear in that subtropical setting. I’m hoping this is enough.

2, 4, 7, 9, seem to be okay. I followed the outline pretty strictly, except for a couple of scenes in which I got the same info across and achieved the same story progression, but in more creative and powerful ways. The writing process, as opposed to the outlining process, brought that out of me.

3. Weak Conflict. Beefed it up a bit, but could always do more to intensify conflict (giving it to my creative process).

5. Need Stronger Turning Points. Fine for first 2 acts, but Act 4 turning point seemed weak, until I realized it should start at Scene 40 instead of Scene 38. Then it became great and also made the page count per act more even.

6. Weak Transformational Journey. The heroine’s journey seems fine. The hero’s journey, however, was a bit weak, so I’ve made him a more playful playboy at start to a serious, committed man, from fanciful hope to deep despair (role reversal for the couple), then back to a mature positive attitude. Also, the 2 antagonistic uncles go through better transformations with character-strengthened Ellie helping/forcing their journeys.

8. Need Stronger Inciting Incident (Cute-Meet for RomComs): It seems okay. Ellie is strongly against romance/marriage and in eco-despair (father abandonment wound underlying this), but when Jim lightens her up during a few scenes, then gently kisses her, it’s like sleeping beauty awakened, and actually makes her resist Jim more for several more scenes — awakened, aware, resisting, until Jim uses other gentle approaches to bring her about (he’s a smart trickster).

11. Need more humor and comedic elements (my own category for this RomCom): Did some improvements, but could use more, especially structure-related rather than gratuitous humor. Giving it to my creative process.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

Finished the script, waiting for Module 6, taking care of my life outside of screenwriting that got postponed and piled up.

I have swords at my back and also a “save the world from catastrophe” mission pulling me. I have flexible but limited time; have other things to do in life, and I’m in the final phase of life. I tell myself I have to write these screenplays about climate change to help save the world. And even when disappointed by rejections (the “All is Lost” beat) I tell myself at least my script analysts and contest readers are reading them. That’s something, the Little Way of Environmental Outreach. And I plow on through.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Continues Act 4

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

Not sure if it is “allowed,” but there are 2 passage-of-time parts in my script in which the lovers are in the “together mode,” so I filled these in a bit with things not in the outline. I did this by having 2 SERIES OF SHOTS (one between Halloween and the dramatic/harrowing Thanksgiving, and the other between Thanksgiving and the dramatic/harrowing Dec 6th and on). These shots don’t go “off-story-line” or even move the plot forward much, but I think spice it up, like the Marriage Barn done up for Dia de los Muertos with the couple MOS discussing wedding plans.

It’s just that as I was writing I knew these time passages had to be filled in a tad. During time passages when they are in the “split up” mode, I just have a scene or two with them plugging along unhappy.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

In the outline I did mention “Series of Shots,” giving vague ideas of what they could cover, but in the writing process I came up with what they cover. Only in writing the script, I realized what was needed, which I hadn’t realized when doing the outline.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Start Act 4

Lesson 12 Avail 11/18

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

Finished the script, waiting for Module 6, taking care of my life outside of screenwriting that got postponed and piled up.

RE the empowerment process, I also use other techniques, such as prayer (that would work for religious people).

Reading over the script now, making a few corrections.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Finishing Act 3

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

Finished the script, waiting for Module 6. This Module 5 is great because it got me to write fast and finish before a ton of other work crashed down on me this month, but when I was working 60 hrs a week before retirement, it would have been a great time for me to try and catch up.

The creative “I don’t yet have the answer” process (as per Mastery Session 18) reminds me so much of my experiences with math and physics as a school/college kid. Sometimes the answer would come without any caterpillar effort, just an intuition butterfly. Sometimes after sweating bullets trying & trying to solve, I’d just relax and MEDITATE ON THE PROBLEM itself and the solution would come. So I guess this isn’t really a matter of genius, just a matter of different approaches, looking at it from different angles, and never giving up. Same with screenwriting.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Act 3 the next 6-10 pages

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that by glancing at my 1st draft I see a lot of “talking heads” parts, even though I tried to create more interesting actions and settings. But that’s okay because in future drafts I’ll work on creating more action within those scenes and/or making the settings more interesting. I could include comedic actions, since it’s a RomCom. And maybe some action that has subtext that might contradict the dialogue, or point to other things, or be symbolic.

I don’t have any time for writing or other screenwriting activities now that I’ve finished the script’s 1st draft. Life has piled up. But I’m letting my creative process take over and percolate until we get Module 6 and into the second draft.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Begin Act 3

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that I improved in speed as I went forward, mainly by leaving notes at problem places within a scene or at the top of the scene if it applied to the whole scene, then just plowing ahead. I think I found my draft speed, which is variable, sometimes flowing really fast, sometimes going more slowly to give it a bit more thought (but not dwelling on anything very long). That works for me.

Finished the script! But I don’t want to start the second draft until the lessons for it come up, so I’m now spending what little time I have for screenwriting these days doing necessary research. I’d gotten into some technical/scientific/etc areas in which I know little to squat. And I’m also catching up on some “how to” readings re screenwriting & reading some RomCom scripts.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Completed Act 2

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED per Mastery Session 17 it’s a good thing I didn’t major in English, because I don’t have any standards and thus no writer’s block, as my English prof friend has, which she said had prevented her from writing fiction. But I did keep on learning to forgo rewriting as I write, though I continue to do this a bit so as not to forget good ideas, but if they can be put in a reminder note, I’m opting for that.

I’m almost finished with my script, I just have a brief transition scene, then the final scene to write, which I think can be finished by tomorrow, leaving me with a completed first draft with lots of fixing up needed in succeeding drafts.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Continuing Act 2

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that due to rushing too fast I now have time to pause briefly for some needed research.

I have only two scenes left to finish the script, but since I needed a modicum of research on things like various alternative energy issues and the wedding script (for the 2nd to last scene), I took a brief break to do that. I’ve now gone back to add a bit of description, dialogue, and notes and am now educated enough to go forward with ease for these final two scenes. No wordsmithing or locking in though.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Began Act 2

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that I can now more easily skip over problems about what to put in some spots leaving a note to myself and moving on. This is wonderful and sometimes I get some ideas later (e.g., after sleeping or in the shower), but I don’t go and write it. I just add the idea to the note, to be made part of the scene later, and move on.

I’m now into Act 4 with 6 more scenes to write up. Hoping I’ll finish in about three days after which the sh*t will hit the fan and may bring my writing to a halt for some time. Not totally a metaphor… I have a colonoscopy coming up in addition to heavy work demands. And I’m getting to the wedding scene in the barn with a menagerie of farm animals brought in from the severe freeze. While they don’t have “odorama” in theaters today, I may write about the guests turning up and holding their noses when a boo-boo happens.

I’ve also found very helpful the critiques others in class have given me, which helped me improve my outline and fix glaring problems with it. For instance several noted my need for more comedy (it had sounded more like a drama). I also keep their insights in mind while writing.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Finished Act 1

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that I still sometimes fall back into slow writing, looking stuff up, going back fixing things. I think it’s because I’m so into the story that I have to keep going and have gotten way ahead. Next time I do a script on my own, I’ll set a much shorter deadline so I can better practice speed writing, spending a lot of time upfront with the outline.

It’s going fast. I’m just finished Act 3 on page 71, which is great. I’ve never written a screenplay less that 120 pages, then had to whittle them down to a more acceptable 110 or 115 pages.

I keep writing and can’t wait to see how the story turns out, even though I have the outline and know…. Also I’m racing against a deadline of severe working coming up very soon that will derail my screenwriting, hoping I can complete the first draft in the next 5 days.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Next Act 1 Scenes

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED is that I really can’t do a three page scene in five minutes — it ends up taking more time to fix it to passable, first draft quality beyond gobblety-gook. Better to pace myself and let the great ideas flood in while I’m writing, since it’s a RomCom and I need much more comedy (and I only have a tad in my outline) and that only comes if I write a bit slower. So maybe 1 page in five minutes. That’s still 12 pages in an hour. I’m not even there yet, maybe closer to 7 pages an hour. But that’s 20 pages in 3 hours (which is the very most I have for writing each day, usually only 1 or 2). I’ll keep striving for 10-12 pages an hour and hope to accomplish that.

I’m now well into Act 2, and when ideas come during my “sleep technique” for elevating earlier scenes, I’m going back and either adding those in or putting notes there to trigger my memory to add them in. It’s going very well.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Act 1 First Draft Part 1

NOTE: I’m rushing ahead and finished Act 1 in 22 pages (a bit less than the 25 planned) because I have stuff happening in November that may disrupt my writing time, and I’ll surely fall behind at that point.

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED how to use the high speed rules more proficiently. I expect further improvement as I go.

I’m getting better at using the High Speed Writing Rules, not breaking as much for problems, just inserting notes with xxx (I prefer to look them up within the script rather than side notes). Giving them to my creative process.

One problem I’ve had is that I had to take out some comedic points from the outline to reduce it, so I’m added those back in not, since it’s a RomCom. No problem, since I’ve kept most of those in another file. I’m also coming up with more as I go.

Not sure if the Rules allow it, but I’ve added in a few brief transition and establishing scenes, most of them less than 12 lines, and one brief scene of 13 lines in which I put some stuff from the outline because it fit better there. These scenes were needed for the smooth flow of the story, and one was to address a problem a classmate pointed out. However they didn’t take more than a few minute and did not deviate from my concept, but helped fulfill it better.

I’m keeping the slugline numbers for now, so I just add “A” and “B” for these extra scenes.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s High Speed Writing Rules

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED how not to dwell on perfections, going mostly forward no matter what.

THE PROCESS: I mostly went forward, though I did go back a few times as the story details unfolded to stick in a few earlier setup plants. I was able to write 5 pages in about an hour.

I did change a few words as I wrote, but no thesaurus looking. And I did a brief google search on one research item; after I realized I could have forgone that and fixed it in later drafts.

Rule 1: Choose speed over quality for EARLY drafts.

Did this for the most part.

Rule 2: Master writing in drafts.

Kept in mind this is only a 1st draft

Rule 3: Keep yourself empowered!

Kept telling myself I can do this, mistakes and all

Rule 4: Allow yourself to start (or continue) without all the answers.

Didn’t do any prep, had the outline to help

Rule 5: Keep moving. Don’t ever allow yourself to stall out.

Kept it up, only breaking for my morning coffee

Rule 6: Anything you don’t solve quickly, give it to your creative mind to process, knowing it will come to you!

I didn’t have any problems in these scenes 6 though 8, though I did write a note to fix something in scene 2 yesterday and will fix it in a future draft.

Also before going to bed I looked over the scenes I’d be working on today and gave them to my “creative process” in what I call THE SLEEP TECHNIQUE (which I’ve used since college for math and term papers, etc).

Great. I can do this, a whole script in 25 days, though there may be a few days I don’t have more than 15 minutes for writing. Those days I can maybe write a page and do more than 5 on other days.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Now I’m writing faster, did the 5-minute exercise to write a scene (Mastery Session 16), but since it was a very short scene, went on to write the next scene (also short). I’m thinking the 5-minute exercise should be “write 2 to 3 pages in 5 minutes,” rather than a scene in 5 minutes. Or one page in 2-3 minutes.

Also rushing too much leads to “haste makes waste” since I stumbled a lot and had to go back and fix some things that were total jibberish/typo/icks. There’s got to be a maximal speed in first draft (imperfect) writing that does not create so many unnecessary problems it will take more time to fix them in the future than if one just glides along, accepting some problems, typos, etc, but not an extreme amount. Maybe that’s the 2-3 minutes per page speed.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s First Scene

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED how to convert my outline into the beginnings of a script and the importance of speed writing the first draft. Before when I started I had thought, this is the one & only draft, but it never was, especially since I hadn’t planned out the outline so well and ended up with severe rewrititis, never really able to correct severe plot deficits.

THE PROCESS went very well. I copied and pasted my outline into Final Draft and, voila, all 49 slug lines appeared as slug lines with all else as description, which I then started using to write the description/action and dialogue of the first 3 scenes and started 4. Luckily I had done a lot of research along the way so I didn’t have to look up very much. It went fast. I added in FADE IN: at the top.

I did add in at the end of Scene 2 “[MAKE MORE INTERESTING],” but didn’t stop to actually do that, just wrote on. And after completing each scene I deleted the stuff that had carried over and helped me write that scene. Looks pretty good for a first drafty draft.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’m ready to exchange again.

Lynn

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’m ready for my next exchange of my RomCom, WEATHERING IT.

This has really been a great chance for outline improvement.

Lynn Vincentnathan

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Will be ready again in a few days to exchange. Busy revising based on great feedback. I’ll notify when ready.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Outline Exchange 1

Ready to exchange my WEATHERING IT outline (a RomCom about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze) for your outline.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED from the Mastery audio that I made scene descriptions too long, but by cutting them down I’ve lost some comedic elements and the story seems more like a drama than a comedy, but I’m saving the cut-outs and all previous assignments so I can add stuff back in. From this lesson I’ve learned to make each scene more engaging, even though most of my interest techniques don’t seem very intense/great. I’ll see what I can do to elevate these.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

=====================================================================

Scene Arc: From Ellie being unattached to being slightly reeled in by Jim.

1. EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS WALKWAYS – DAY

Ellie and Luz put up posters for the Sea Turtle Rescue Center trip, while Jim and Mack follow the “babes.” Jim says he’s interested in the trip, asks Ellie to speak to his class.

Essence: Girls on a mission to save the earth; boys on a mission to get the babes.

Conflict: Ellie rejects Luz’s suggestion she should go with Gecko. The girls confront the boys.

Subtext: Eco-despair has Ellie against romantic involvement. Is Jim sincere about Ellie or just a smooth talker?

Hope/fear: We hope Ellie can find happiness, we fear Jim’s motive.

Beginning: The girls speak of the unusual heat, eco-endeavors being hopeless, Ellie not wanting romantic involvement, and doubt she can arrange the off-grid ranch trip (Mystery).

Middle: The boys scope out the “babes,” eavesdrop. Mack assumes it’s a sex conquest wager (Intrigue, Misinterpretation/Mystery re motive).

Ending: Confronted, Jim expresses interest in the trip and wants Ellie to tell his class about it (Twist).

2. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

As Ellie finishes her talk, A student says the great freeze a few years ago disproves global warming. Student Jen silent. Ellie, distressed, freezes.

Essence: Ellie is unsuccessful in recruiting students into eco-concern.

Conflict: Some give anti-environmental flack, talk about the great Texas freeze.

Subtext: Ellie’s eco-despair seems well-founded.

Hope/fear: We hope Ellie can convince others of eco-concerns, fear she’ll be unsuccessful and disappointed.

Beginning: Ellie tells about the trip and her Environmental Club to Jim’s classmates.

Middle: Students give flack, Ellie struggles to answer (Uncomfortable Moment).

Ending: A student says the great Texas freeze disproves global warming. Ellie can’t answer (Surprise, Uncomfortable Moment).

3. EXT. PRIVATE NOOK ON CAMPUS – DAY

Jim consoles Ellie, she melts down. Jim distracts with interest in the off-grid ranch trip, speaking of his course in Alternative Energy Engineering.

Essence: Seems Jim is interested in Ellie’s projects… or he’s a great smooth talker.

Conflict: Ellie is hard to console.

Subtext: Ellie is now interested in Jim, perhaps because he’s into her projects?

Hope/fear: Jim is sincere, fear he is after a conquest. We hope Ellie is interested in Jim more than in his useful background.

Beginning: Ellie melts down, despairs about eco-doom (Mystery – is there more re her eco-concern?).

Middle: Jim tries to console her (Uncomfortable Moment).

Ending: Jim distracts revealing his background, intriguing Ellie (Character Change – despair to slight hope).

4. EXT. ELY’S OFF-GRID RANCH – DAY

A ranch of weird alt energy contraptions. Ellie tries to convince cantankerous Great-uncle Ely to allow the club visit, mentions she’ll be moving in after college, helping with his projects.

Scene Arc: Ellie, unable to convince Ely, does so by reminding him of her commitment.

Essence: Ellie gets Ely to agree to the Club’s visit to the ranch.

Conflict: Ely ignoring, resisting Ellie’s plea.

Subtext: Ellie wants to save the earth, so does Ely, but they both seem ineffective. Despite Ely’s gruffness Ellie loves this cranky old man.

Fear/Hope: She won’t be able to arrange the trip, hope she will, aiding her relationship with Jim.

Beginning: Ely ignores Ellie, then objects when she says one has alt energy background (Mystery why is Ely that way?).

Middle: Ellie reminds him of her commitment (Bribe, Reveal re Ellie’s commitment).

Ending: Ely finally agrees to the visit (Ely’s External Dilemma).

Scene Arc: from Turtle Center through the cute-meet kiss.

5. INT/EXT. SEA TURTLE RESCUE CENTER – DAY

Tour of the Center, a speaker talks about harms to the turtles. A person gives flack.

Essence: a visit through turtle displays to a denialist objecting to global warming harms.

Conflict: A visitor raises the great Texas freeze. The speaker tells how that freeze harmed the turtles.

Subtext: The freeze means no global warming so it can’t be harming the turtles.

Fear/hope: The turtles will become extinct, hope they won’t.

Beginning: Visit to the turtle center (Interesting Setting).

Middle: They learn about harms, including global warming reducing male turtles (Surprise).

Ending: The speaker tells how the freeze put cold-stunned turtles in danger and they called on locals to help save them (Surprise).

6. EXT. BEACH – DAY

During beach clean-up Jen tells Jim their pastor is Ellie’s uncle, Rev. Rudy, which peaks Jim’s interest.

Essence: Jim finds out more about Ellie, peaking further interest (Surprise, Reveal).

Conflict: Jen knows about Ellie, hesitates to gossip.

Subtext: Jim’s a church-going guy, he likes Ellie even more now.

Hope/fear: Ellie can get over her plan never to marry, fear she won’t.

Beginning: Jen asks if Jim knows about Ellie’s uncle, he doesn’t (Interesting Setting).

Middle: Jen tells Jim he’s their pastor, increasing Jim’s interest in Ellie (Surprise – Jim is a churchgoer and probably sincere about Ellie).

Ending: Jim wonders why he doesn’t see Ellie in church (Mystery).

7. EXT. BEACH – DAY

Jim asks Gecko about his relationship with Ellie — just a good friend. Jim pockets a shell.

Essence: Jim finds out more about Ellie from Gecko.

Conflict: tries to pry info from Gecko as to why he isn’t involved with Ellie, Gecko only says Ellie is a good friend.

Subtext: Jim wonders if Gecko is involved with Ellie and why not.

Hope/fear: We hope Ellie can get over her despair and fear she won’t.

Beginning: Jim asks about Ellie (Suspects something between Gecko and Ellie).

Middle: Jim asks why Gecko isn’t involved with her, but he doesn’t tell (Mystery since Gecko likes Ellie).

Ending: Jim picks up a shell, pockets it.

8. EXT. BEACH – NIGHT

As club members dance around a campfire, Ellie sits pensively until Jim takes her up a hillock and they kiss.

Essence: Jim and Ellie get romantically involved.

Conflict: When Jim gives Ellie the shell and asks her to be his shell, Ellie laughs, accepts it, but makes clear no involvement.

Subtext: Jim seems to want Ellie’s protection.

Hope/fear: Ellie can find happiness with Jim, fear she’ll miss the opportunity.

Beginning: Ellie is pensive while others have a ball.

Middle: Jim takes her away, asks her to be his shell in a mock proposal, she accepts with a laugh (Surprise, Character Change), but makes it clear no involvement.

Ending: Jim kisses her, she responds (Twist, Suspense – where will this lead?).

9. INT. THE MARRIAGE BARN – DAY

Ellie interviews her uncle, Rev. Rudy, at his wedding venue for the campus paper. He asks why she hasn’t been to church, detects she’s in love, she refuses.

Scene Arc: Ellie starts out businesslike then becomes emotional when topics about her arise.

Essence: Ellie has lost faith and refuses to acknowledge feelings she has for Jim.

Conflict: Rudy asks why Ellie hasn’t been to church since her mother died; Ellie gets angry, complains it’s eco-hypocritical. He tells how he’s tried to be like a father after her father left, which triggering emotions.

Subtext: Ellie has a father abandonment wound that underlies her eco-despair and refusal to get involved.

Hope/fear: We hope Rudy and Jim can heal Ellie’s wound and bring her happiness, we fear they cannot.

Beginning: Rudy delighted to see niece Ellie, but she’s all business (Interesting Setting, Uncomfortable Moment).

Middle: Rudy asks why she hasn’t been to church after her mother died. Her anger flares over it being eco-hypocritical.

Ending: Rudy tells how he has tried to be like a father to her after her father left, which triggers Ellie’s emotions (Uncomfortable Moment).

10. EXT./INT. AROUND CAMPUS/CLUB MEETING ROOM – DAY/NIGHT

Ellie avoids Jim until he comes to the Environmental Club meeting. Jim interested in the off-grid ranch visit. He asks why she’s avoiding him.

Scene Arc: Ellie’s avoidance of Jim to she’s happy to have him as a club member.

Essence: Ellie avoids with Jim until he expresses interest in the off-grid ranch trip.

Conflict: Jim pursues, Ellie flees.

Subtext: She flees because she’s already involved.

Hope/fear: Ellie maintains her involvement-free life and hope she gets involved.

Beginning: Ellie avoids Jim (Ellie’s Internal/External Dilemmas, Uncomfortable Moments).

Middle: Jim comes to the Club meeting interested in the ranch trip (Uncertainty/Mystery: is Jim after Ellie or eco-concerns or both?).

Ending: Alone, Jim asks why she’s avoiding him. Ellie is glad to have Jim as a member but doesn’t want involvement because it always ends in someone getting hurt (Internal/External Dilemma, Wound).

11. INT. CAFETERIA – DAY

Jim pursues Ellie, wants an exclusive relationship. They agree on a no-commitment, no-regrets-if-they-drift-apart “situationship.” Mack drops by, ask Jim if he’s become a vegan.

Scene Arc: Jim pursues Ellie, they end in a “situationship.”

Essence: Jim gets Ellie, sort of.

Conflict: Ellie resists Jim. She defuses Mack’s snark.

Subtext: Ellie loves Jim and she doesn’t want to hurt him.

Hope/fear: Ellie gets further involved, fear she’ll drift away.

Beginning: Jim wants an exclusive relationship. Mack asks if Jim has gone vegan (Uncomfortable Moment).

Middle: Jim explains “situationship.”

Ending: Ellie agrees and they leave a couple (Suspense – can this work or last?)

12. INT. ELLIE AND LUZ’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Ellies cooks for Jim. He receives a call from his mother, Gabby, demanding he return home to Houston for summer, reminding him of his obligation to his Uncle Fred.

Scene Arc: Ellie and Jim happy together to worries about future separation.

Essence: Jim has an obligation that could split him from Ellie.

Conflict: Ellie worries as Jim speaks to his mother.

Subtext: Despite Ellie’s denial they have a more serious relationship, which is now threatened

Hope/fear: Jim’s mother and Fred may split Jim from Ellie, hope not.

Beginning: Ellie cooks for Jim when he receives a call (Intrigue).

Middle: Jim’s mom insists he come home for summer to work for Uncle Fred (Suspense/Uncertainty for Ellie, Intrigue re Jim/Mom/Fred) and reminds him of his obligation (Superior Position — Ellie doesn’t hear that; Mystery – what does the obligation entail?).

Ending: Jim tells taking an important summer class, then tells Ellie he now has to look for a summer class (Conspiracy/Intrigue against mom/Fred).

13. EXT./INT. ELY’S OFF-GRID RANCH – DAY

Ely leads club members around his ranch, explaining his “vortex bladeless wind turbines” (look like palm trees) and other contraptions, but explodes hearing Jim’s last name is Higson. Jim assures him he is not Fred Higson’s son.

Scene Arc: Interesting tour to Ely exploding over Jim.

Essence: Ellie happy that Jim is enthralled by the ranch, but Ely hates Jim’s Uncle Fred.

Conflict: Ely spars with Jim about Fred Higson.

Subtext: Ellie wants Jim to join her on the ranch. Fred has wounded Ely in some way.

Hope/fear: Jim will take to Ely’s ranch, fear Ely won’t accept him.

Beginning: Jim is enthralled with the ranch (Interesting Setting, Uncertainty re Ellie’s stance on non-involvement).

Middle: Jim says his dream was to have a ranch like this (Superior Position, we know Jim has an obligation, but Ellie doesn’t; and Jim doesn’t know about Ellie’s commitment to Ely).

Ending: Ely explodes over Jim’s last name, Jim says Fred is not his father (Suspense, Uncomfortable Moment, Twist, Superior Position – we & Ellie know Jim is Fred’s nephew, but he hides that from Ely).

Scene Arc: Jim attends reception to Fred lambasting Jim about his obligation.

14. INT. RECEPTION HALL – NIGHT

Jim with Uncle Fred hobnobs with administrators and professors honoring Fred for his contribution.

Essence: Jim plays Fred’s dutiful nephew.

Conflict: Inuendoes & subtext of Fred upset with Jim and Jim upset with his obligation.

Subtext: Jim is frustrated with Fred. Fred is frustrated with Jim.

Hope/fear: We fear Fred will burst out against Jim and hope Jim can get out of his obligation.

Beginning: Jim plays Fred’s dutiful nephew (Superior Position – we know Jim has different dreams).

Middle: Inuendoes & subtext of Fred and Jim upset with each other (Uncomfortable Moment).

Ending: As Jim drives Fred to his hotel Fred digs into Jim about summer (Superior Position – we know Jim wants to stay with Ellie during summer).

15. INT./EXT. CAR/HOTEL PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Fred bursts out against Jim for staying in college too long, taking nonsense courses like Alt Energy, threatens to cut off funding.

Essence: Fred expects Jim come work for him in his Petroleum Engineering Consultancy after college.

Conflict: Fred attacks Jim, Jim meekly spars with excuses.

Subtext: Fred has the upper hand with Jim.

Hope/fear: We fear Jim’s obligation will ruin his relationship with Ellie, and hope Jim can get out of it, or at least it won’t ruin their relationship.

Beginning: Fred digs in about Jim wasting time, taking nonsense eco-courses (Superior Position – we know Jim likes alt energy and eco-issues, Suspense – will Fred stop funding Jim’s education?).

Middle: Jim lies they were the only ones available, but it’s good to include eco-things in the business, to which Fred explodes (Surprise – Fred hates any mention of alt energy or eco-concerns).

Ending: Fred brings up Jim’s obligation to come work for is Petroleum Engineering Consultancy after college (Major Twist – Jim is obligated to Fred big time; Suspense — will this end his relationship with Ellie).

Scene Arc: Luz suggests Ellie and Jim marry to the couple separately checking out the feasibility.

16. INT. ELLIE AND LUZ’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Ellie and Jim into heavy kissing when Luz bursts in telling she’s marrying Javi and moving out, suggests Ellie and Jim get married. Jim says they’re only in a “situationship,” which sort of upsets Ellie.

Essence: Ellie and Jim are really into each other when Luz interrupts, suggests they marry.

Conflict: Kissing interrupted; Ellie wants to object to Jim’s claim of “situationship.”

Subtext: They want a deeper relationship.

Hope/fear: They want a deeper relationship, fear they will be torn apart by the uncles.

Beginning: Ellie and Jim into heavy kissing (Character Change – to a more serious involvement).

Middle: Luz interrupts the couple, saying she’s moving out & getting married, why don’t they marry (Betrayal sort of – Luz reneges on being Ellie’s roommate).

Ending: Jim explains they’re in a situationship, upsetting to Ellie (Suspense & Superior Position, are they serious or not; if so, can it work with their opposite obligations?)

17. INT. JIM’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jim calls Fred to ask for help if he gets married. Fred opposes. Mack overhears, thinks marrying is going too far just to win a bet; Jim dazed doesn’t respond.

Essence: Jim wants to marry Ellie, asks Fred for help.

Conflict: Jim wants financial help; Fred is dead set against it.

Subtext: Jim doesn’t have the money to get married.

Hope/fear: Jim and Ellie can find a way to get married and fear they won’t.

Beginning: Jim calls Fred to ask money to marry but doesn’t tell Ellie is an eco-activist (External Dilemma, Uncertainty).

Middle: Fred opposes (Uncertainty, Uncomfortable Moment).

Ending: Mack still thinks Jim is trying to win a bet by marrying (Uncomfortable Moment).

18. EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH/TACK ROOM – DAY

Ellie tells Ely if she were to marry someone like Jim he could be of real help to the ranch. Ely is against it and against marriage altogether but mentions there’s space for another house.

Essence: Ely is against Ellie marrying but won’t oppose it.

Conflict: Ellie argues with Ely about Jim and marriage.

Subtext: Ely has some wound about marriage but doesn’t want to lose Ellie.

Hope/fear: Ely will bless the marriage, fear he’ll cause problems.

Beginning: Ellie broaches marriage, Ely is against marriage in general (Uncomfortable Moment, External Dilemma for Ellie, Mystery – why does Ely oppose marriage?).

Middle: Ellie says it’s Jim and he could help with Ely’s project (Misinterpretation).

Ending: Ely gets more upset but mentions there’s space for another house there (Misinterpretation, External Dilemma for Ely).

19. INT. THE MARRIAGE BARN/CHURCH – DAY

Jim broaches the possibility of marrying Ellie with Rudy, who is delighted and offers to host it at cost.

Essence: Rudy agrees to help Jim and Ellie marry.

Conflict: Jim hesitates asking Rudy for help, finally gets up courage.

Subtext: Jim is really serious, willing to seek outside help to marry Ellie.

Hope/fear: We fear the couple can’t afford to marry, now hopeful with Rudy’s support, but fear problems from the other uncles.

Beginning: Jim helps put hymnals away, waiting for all others to leave church to speak with Rudy, until Rudy asks what he wanted to talk about (Uncertainty, Uncomfortable Moment).

Middle: Jim broaches marrying Ellie, Rudy is delighted (Surprise).

Ending: Jim finally asks about the price, but Rudy says he’ll do it at cost (Surprise, Twist).

Scene Arc: Ellie and Jim have misunderstandings, then come together strong and decide to marry.

20. EXT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT — DAY

Jim asks Luz where Ellie is. Luz is nervous telling Ellie just left to meet a friend on campus.

Essence: Jim wants to speak with Ellie but not at home, with “a friend.”

Conflict: Luz reminds Jim of their “situationship” and is nervous telling Ellie left to meet a friend.

Subtext: Jim plans to propose. Luz assumes Ellie is drifting apart and getting together with someone else.

Hope/fear: Luz is right about Ellie drifting apart, hope she is not.

Beginning: Jim wants to speak with Ellie, can’t find her at home.

Middle: Luz peaks of “situationship,” nervously says she went to campus to meet a friend (Mystery).

Ending: Jim leaves worried about what that means (Uncertainty).

21. EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Jim sees Mack, confirms his plan to marry Ellie. Ellie spots Jim, gets within hearing distance unnoticed, hears Mack’s tease Jim Ellie being a sex conquest.

Essence: Ellie misunderstands Jim’s motive, thinks he was only after one thing.

Conflict: Jim and Mack spar over Jim’s idea to marry Ellie; then Ellie gets the wrong idea about Jim.

Subtext: Ellie is crestfallen that Jim isn’t serious about her.

Hope/fear: We hope Ellie is not so turned off it ruins the relationship, but fear she is.

Beginning: Searching for Ellie, sees Mack (Uncertainty about Ellie).

Middle: Confirms he plans to marry Ellie. Ellie sees them from a distance, hears Mack speak of her being a sex conquest bet (Uncomfortable Moment, Suspense, Superior Position – we know it’s serious).

Ending: Ellie turns away angry and disappointed, doesn’t hear Jim deny it was a bet (Uncertainty, Intrigue, Cliffhanger).

22. INT. CAFETERIA – DAY

Luz meets Gecko in the cafeteria, sorry to hear his mother died. At a distance Jim sees Ellie hug Gecko, turns away angry.

Essence: Ellie sympathizes with Gecko, but Jim thinks she’s drifted and is now going with Gecko.

Conflict: Ellie with Gecko makes Jim jealous and angry.

Subtext: Jim loves Ellie and can’t bear losing her.

Hope/fear: Ellie will clear up the misunderstanding, but fear she’s turned off by her own misunderstanding.

Beginning: Ellie finds Gecko in the cafeteria; Gecko tells her his mom died.

Middle: Ellie hugs Gecko. Jim sees, thinks she’s into Gecko (Uncertainty, Suspense).

Ending: Jim leaves angry/crushed (Uncertainty, Intrigue, Cliffhanger).

23. INT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jim confronts Ellie and she confronts Jim. They clear things up, come together strong, and decide to marry, but omit revealing their opposing obligations.

Essence: They confront each other, clear them the misunderstandings, and decide to marry.

Conflict: Big outburst of jealousy and betrayal between Ellie and Jim.

Subtext: they love each other but aren’t forthright about their obligations.

Hope/fear: Their obligations will ruin their relationship and hope they iron these out.

Beginning: Jim asks Ellie if she has drifted to Gecko. Ellie screams he lost his bet.

Middle: Jim explains Mack’s misunderstanding, that he loved her all along. She explains she was consoling Gecko.

Ending: They realize they’re in love and decide to marry, but edge around their opposing future obligations (Suspense, Uncertainty).

24. INT. MARRIAGE BARN – DAY

Planning the wedding, Rudy suggests not inviting Uncle Ely, who disrupted Ellie’s mother’s weddings. Jim agrees. Ellie suggests not inviting Fred. Jim reveals his obligation to Fred, Ellie reveals her commitment to Ely, and they call off the wedding.

Scene Arc: From planning their wedding to calling it off.

Essence: Ellie and Jim realize marriage between them is impossible.

Conflict: Ellie gets angry with Rudy and Jim for being against Ely.

Subtext: They can’t/won’t get out of their obligations in order to marry.

Hope/fear: It goes smoothly, fear uncle problems prevent the marriage.

Beginning: Ellie and Jim plan their wedding.

Middle: Rudy suggests not inviting Uncle Ely. Jim agrees (Superior Position). Ellie suggests not inviting Fred.

Ending: They reveal their opposing obligations and angrily call off the wedding (Mislead/Reveal, Major Twist, Cliffhanger).

25. INT. ELLIE AND LUZ’S APARTMENT – DAY

Luz is moving out, tells Ellie not to give up on romance, there are many turtles in the sea. Ellie says they’re going extinct, remember, to which Luz lights up with some idea. Ellie cries that there’s only one Jim.

Scene Arc: Ellie says Jim was a mistake, ends up determined to carry on with her life’s mission.

Essence: Ellie is heart-broken over the breakup, braves life alone.

Conflict: Ellie and Luz disagree over needing romance, then over many eligible men vs. only one, then having to self-sacrifice.

Subtext: Ellie loves Jim but he isn’t an eco-warrior like Javi, so the breakup and her self-sacrifice is for the best.

Hope/fear: She makes up with Jim, fear she will not.

Beginning: Ellie says Jim was a mistake (Misinterpretation), a derailment from her life’s mission.

Middle: Luz brings up many “turtles in the sea” (Misinterpretation); Ellie reminds her they’re going extinct, which gives Luz some idea (Mini-Suspense, Intrigue), and Ellie cries over only one Jim.

Ending: Ellie could kick herself for self-pity when the world is dying (Internal Dilemma), Luz crying with her, whom she comforts by saying Javi is a true eco-warrior.

26. INT. CLUB MEETING ROOM – DAY

The Club discusses a Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors for Fall. Ellie, unhappy, and all leave except Gecko. Jim arrives, tells Gecko about their break up. Gecko thinks he could marry Ellie.

Scene Arc: Ellie weathers it at the meeting to Jim okay with Gecko wanting to marry her.

Essence: Ellie and Jim are both unhappy, Gecko thinks he could marry her.

Conflict: No conflict Ellie and Jim are listless.

Subtext: Ellie and Jim love each other even more now.

Hope/fear: They have given up on love, hope they have not.

Beginning: Ellie is listless (Superior Position – she cannot live without Jim’s love)

Middle: Jim is heart-broken (Superior Position – he cannot live without Ellie)

Ending: Gecko wants to marry her, Jim okay with that (Uncomfortable Moment, Uncertainty)

27. INT. JIM’S APARTMENT – DAY

Mack suggests other women as Jim packs for Houston, Jim’s not interested. Mack mentions a rumor that climate change will make men go extinct. Jim says it’s ridiculous, but supports Ellie’s eco-causes, worries about Ellie.

Scene Arc: Jim heading to Houston to worrying about Ellie

Essence: Jim is going back to Houston for summer.

Conflict: He disagrees about other women and the “eco-freak” rumor.

Subtext: Mack tries to wean Jim from Ellie by bringing up an eco-freak rumor, but Jim loves Ellie and her eco-causes.

Hope/fear: Jim won’t go to Houston for summer, fear he will lose Ellie forever.

Beginning: Jim’s going to Houston for summer (Twist) and is not interested in other women.

Middle: Jim thinks the rumor ridiculous (Mystery, Superior Position — we suspect Luz), supports Ellie’s eco-causes.

Ending: Jim hopes Ellie will do well maybe with Gecko (Misinterpretation, Superior Position — we think she won’t be happy without Jim).

28. EXT. AROUND CAMPUS – DAY

Fall shots, Ellie and Jim avoid each other, offer stiff smiles, Jim sees Ellie with Gecko. Ellie and Jen put up a “Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors” poster. Later Jim looks at it.

Scene Arc: Ellie and Jim avoiding to Jim interested in the club event.

Essence: Months pass, nothing stirring between Ellie and Jim.

Conflict: avoidance of conflict

Subtext: they are weathering it, still in love

Hope/fear: They’ll never get over each other and hope they will get back together.

Beginning: Ellie and Jim avoid each other, Jim disturbed to see Ellie with Gecko (Misinterpretation? Mystery).

Middle: Jim sees Ellie and Jen putting up the Halloween poster.

Ending: He gets a better look (Suspense, will Jim rejoin the club, get back with

Ellie?).

29. EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Pathway lined with eco-horror displays. Jim comes in a turtle costume, takes Ellie in a butterfly costume aside says he’ll renege on his obligation to Fred. Ellie accepts him back, obligation and all.

Scene Arc: Ellie tries to keep up a positive façade to Ellie and Jim back together again.

Essence: Jim is willing to sacrifice for Ellie; Ellie is willing to sacrifice for Jim.

Conflict: Jim confronts Ellie about Gecko, then they argue over him sacrificing for her vs. her sacrificing for him.

Subtext: They are concerned about each other’s prospects and feelings, willing to sacrifice for each other.

Hope/fear: They clear it up, Ellie’s sacrifice may make her unhappy or ruin their relationship.

Beginning: Jim wants Ellie back, but fears she’s already going with Gecko (Misunderstanding, Mystery)

Middle: Jim says he’ll sacrifice his obligation to make it work (External Dilemma). Ellie argues against that (Suspense).

Ending: Ellie is willing to sacrifice her plans and her eco-identity for Jim; they decide to go to Houston for Xmas and see if they can work it out (Suspense, Internal Dilemma for Ellie).

30. INT. GABBY’S (JIM’S MOTHER’S) HOME, HOUSTON – NIGHT

Gabby tells Ellie about Fred helping after Jim’s father died with the mortgage and Jim’s education. Fred comes, dislikes Ellie, says they should wait to marry until Jim works a few years.

Scene Arc: Ellie learns the depth of Jim’s obligation to Jim sparing with uncle about marriage.

Essence: Mom accepts Ellie, Fred does not.

Conflict: subtext tension between Ellie and Gabby, sparring between Fred and Ellie and Fred and Jim.

Subtext: Gabby and Fred sense Ellie may not want to go along with Jim’s obligation; Fred suspects Ellie got Jim into eco-concerns. Ellie suspects Gabby is not being honest about Fred paying the mortgage.

Hope/fear: Ellie can weather Jim’s obligation, fear Fred will halt the wedding.

Beginning: Gabby tells (warns) Ellie about Jim’s deep obligation (Uncomfortable Moment).

Middle: Fred creates Uncomfortable Moments discussing his business and Jim’s role, trying to put Ellie in an External Dilemma.

Ending: Fred wants the marriage postponed for years (Uncomfortable Moment, Uncertainty).

31. INT. HIGSON PETROLEUM ENGINEERING CONSULTANCY – DAY

Jim shows Ellie Fred’s company; employee Heather flirts with him. Fred is uptight with Ellie, but she soothes him saying he helps facilitate a well-oiled society.

Scene Arc: Heather flirts with Jim and Fred causes tension to a final flicker of pleasant ease.

Essence: Ellie pretends to admire the business, Fred finally warms to her a bit.

Conflict: Fred subtly attacks Ellie, but Ellie spars back with flattery.

Subtext: Ellie hates the business and Fred’s opposition to eco-concerns.

Hope/fear: Fred and/or Heather may spoil Ellie’s chances with Jim, hope Fred accepts Ellie and becomes amenable to eco-concerns.

Beginning: Heather flirts with Jim (Slight Twist), warns them not to speak of alt energy.

Middle: Fred bursts in causing tension, digging into Ellie (Uncomfortable Moment).

Ending: Ellie soothes Fred with positive comments (Self-Betrayal).

32. INT. BUTTERFLY MUSEUM, HOUSTON – DAY

Jim takes Ellie down the multi-storied path of the atrium-garden full of butterflies.

Scene Arc: Ellie goes from the tension to awe in this butterfly wonderland.

Essence: Ellie regains her eco-spirit, becomes happier than she’s ever been.

Conflict: Jim struggles to get Ellie to like Houston but she hates cities, Fred’s business, and Jim’s obligation.

Subtext: Ellie has lived in negative territory all her life, but now unfurls like a butterfly.

Hope/fear: Ellie will split and go back home, hope Jim will get her to like Houston.

Beginning: Ellie, disturbed by Fred and his business, feels like fleeing (External & Internal Dilemma).

Middle: Ellie begins to forget her troubles, entranced by the multitude of butterflies (More Interesting Setting, Surprise).

Ending: With Jim’s love and butterfly beauty she begins to feel she can make it (Character Begins to Change from Despair to Hope).

33. EXT. GALVESTON BEACH – DAY

Jim and Ellie walk along the beach talking. They see homes on tall stilts with car parking under them.

Scene Arc: Ellie enjoys the beach to being upset thinking about enhanced hurricanes.

Essence: Ellie enjoys beach, worries about the hurricane-prepped homes.

Conflict: Jim triggers Ellie when he explains how the homes are on stilts due to flooding from hurricanes; Ellie gets upset about global warming enhancing hurricanes and Jim tries but can’t override that.

Subtext: Jim wants Ellie to like the Houston area and temper down her eco-concern, but it backfires.

Hope/fear: Ellie will like the Houston area and be happy there, fear her eco-despair will not allow happiness.

Beginning: Ellie takes to the beach (Interesting Setting).

Middle: They discuss why the home are built on stilts, the history of Galveston hurricanes (Uncomfortable Moment).

Ending: Ellie pops back into eco-despair about hurricanes and sea-rise getting worse; she feels guilty abandoning her life’s mission (Character Changes Back to Eco-Despair, Self-Betrayal).

34. INT. GABBY’S HOME, HOUSTON – NIGHT

Christmas tree decorating. Jim gets drunk trying to convince Ellie he’ll get out of his obligation, at least get Fred to add alt energy to his business. Gabby worries. Ellie assures her she’ll stand by Jim.

Scene Arc: Jim’s unrealistic talk about changing Fred to getting drunk.

Essence: Ellie is unhappy about their predicament but will stand by Jim.

Conflict: subtext sparring about changing Fred, Ellie upset with Jim’s drinking/sorrow. Gabby warning vs. Ellie sticking to Jim.

Subtext: Ellie is unhappy. Jim tries to make her happy. Jim is unhappy.

Hope/fear: Jim will make Ellie happy, fear she will back out of the marriage.

Beginning: Ellie argues against Jim promising change (Uncertainty).

Middle: Ellie is upset with Jim’s drunk (Character Change).

Ending: Gabby is worried Ellie is tearing Jim apart. Ellie says he was already torn apart before they met (it’s his Internal Dilemma), he needs her, and she’ll stand by her man.

35. EXT. BUFFALO BAYOU PARK, HOUSTON – DAY

Snow flurries. As the couple walks through the park, Ellie speaks with Rudy about wedding plans, then she and Jim discuss the plans.

Scene Arc: Invigorated that Rudy is facilitating the wedding end of January to feeling terrible that they won’t tell or invite Ely.

Essence: Ellie is willing to sacrifice her relationship with Ely, but Jim feels terrible about it.

Conflict: They argue over what to do about Ely. When Ellie mentions Ely’s hydrogen electrolyzer and generator, Jim gets excited and more regretful they are dumping Ely.

Subtext: Jim hates harming Ellie’s relationship with Ely and the positive impact she could have helping him.

Hope/fear: the wedding and marriage will be successful, fear Ely, Fred, and eco-concerns will harm/destroy it.

Beginning: The couple happily discusses wedding plans (Interesting Setting).

Middle: Jim gets excited about Ely’s inventions, wishes he could join Ely (Minor Twist).

Ending: Ellie insists they not invite Ely, Jim sorely regrets it and Ellie’s (and his) sacrifice (Uncomfortable Moment).

36. INT. GABBY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jim and Ellie are into heavy lovemaking. Jim pulls away, calls off the wedding. He doesn’t want Ellie to sacrifice and wants Ely/Ellie’s eco-plans to succeed. Ellie objects.

Scene Arc: From lovemaking to calling off the wedding.

Essence: Jim doesn’t want Ellie (and planet earth) to sacrifice and calls off the wedding.

Conflict: They argue over calling off the wedding.

Subtext: Jim will sacrifice his personal happiness for Ellie and the earth.

Hope/fear: their relationship will mend, fear it won’t.

Beginning: Alone, the couple gets into heavy kissing.

Middle: Jim pulls away, calls off the wedding out of love for Ellie (Major Twist).

Ending: Ellie objects to no effect.

Scene Arc: Tense from Jim and Ellie calling off their wedding to Ellie’s resolve to make it work and Jim’s worry.

37. INT. GABBY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Xmas day, snowing outside. Ellie, Jim, Gabby, and Fred open presents. Jim announces the wedding is off, that Ellie has important work to do and it wouldn’t work. Fred regrets because he now likes Ellie.

Scene Arc: Jim announces the wedding is off to Fred regretting as he now likes Ellie.

Essence: Jim announces the wedding is off and explains why; Fred regrets.

Conflict: Tension about Jim calling off wedding, Fred and Gabby arguing they want it on.

Subtext: Jim hates harming Ellie and her chance for effective eco-activities.

Hope/fear: We fear they have split for good, hope it can be ironed out.

Beginning: Jim says the wedding it off.

Middle: Gabby and even Fred are disappointed (Surprise).

Ending: Jim explains why in vague terms (Superior Position, we know why).

38. INT. BEDROOM – DAY

Ellie takes Jim aside and strongly says she wants the marriage and she’ll find a way to pursue her dreams AND face life with him. Jim acquiesces, but worries/despairs.

Essence: Ellie gets Jim to agree to the marriage.

Conflict: Between Jim and Ellie about whether to marry.

Subtext: Jim despairs of harming Ellie; Ellie pulls up hidden strength to make the marriage work for both of them. A role reversal.

Hope/fear: Ellie is right about making it work, fear Jim’s despair will cause problems.

Beginning: Ellie wants the marriage, but Jim doesn’t (Suspense).

Middle: Ellie wonders if Jim loves her; he does, that’s why he won’t marry her (Paradox, Dilemma).

Ending: A stronger Ellie gets despairing Jim to agree (Character Changes, Ellie from ineffective/despairing to strong/positive; Jim from strong/positive to despairing).

39. INT. GABBY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Ellie announces it’s back on, confronts Fred. TV: a bitter cold front coming from up north but the Texas grid is more resilient – no worries. Fred blames the previous power outage on wind generators.

Essence: Ellie announces wedding on, confronts Fred unsuccessfully.

Conflict: Between Ellie and Fred about how he needs to expand his business into alt energy.

Subtext: Ellie developed some strength of character to confront Fred, thanks to Jim’s love and impact.

Hope/fear: Ellie changes Fred, fear she cannot, which will cause marital problems.

Beginning: Ellie announces the wedding is on, Fred and Gabby are surprised by her strength.

Middle: Ellie reveals she’s an eco-activist and confronts Fred about including alt energy in his business (Surprise, Suspense, Uncertainty).

Ending: Fred had figured that and accepts marriage (Some Character Change) but won’t accept alt energy.

Scene Arc: From a power cut that threatens the wedding to Ellie’s appeal to get Ely to host it.

40. EXT. CAMPUS – NIGHT

Jim and Ellie headed to library saying it’s never gotten this cold in the Valley when all the lights go out around campus.

Essence: The freeze causes a power cut, threatening the wedding.

Conflict: Nature and the power grid failure against Ellie and Jim’s wedding.

Subtext: Does this more severe freeze and power outage disprove global warming AND derail the wedding?

Hope/fear: fear the wedding won’t happen to hope for a solution.

Beginning: Ellie and Jim are freezing; it’s never been this cold in these subtropics (sort of Surprise).

Middle: The power goes out (Twist).

Ending: Worried the wedding will be called off (Suspense, will Nature & the Texas Grid Betray them).

41. INT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Freezing with lights off, Ellie calls Rudy, no power at the Marriage Barn, their wedding canceled, no slots until Spring. Ellie decides to get Ely host it in his barn. Jim thinks it’s crazy, but says go ahead figuring Ely won’t agree.

Essence: With Rudy’s venue out, Ellie suggests having the wedding at Ely’s.

Conflict: Jim with Ellie against having it at Ely’s.

Subtext: Ellie gets the idea that this was meant to be, including bringing Ely and Fred together.

Hope/fear: We fear they won’t get married to hope Ely will host it.

Beginning: Ellie and Jim struggle in the cold and dark, cell juice running out (Interesting Predicament Setting).

Middle: Rudy’s wedding venue is out (Nature & Grid Betray them)

Ending: Ellie dares to consider having it at Ely’s (Suspense).

42. INT. ELY’S RANCH HOUSE – DAY

After telling Ely about the wedding venue problem, that he wasn’t invited, and that she’ll be moving to Houston and renege on her commitment to him, Ellie has it tough getting him to host the wedding.

Essence: Ellie gets Ely to agree to host the wedding in his well-lit and warm barn.

Conflict: As Ellie tells each upsetting thing Ely gets more angry until he bursts out.

Subtext: Ellie is brave be that honest with Ely, because she knows he loves her, but she’s not foolish or brave enough to tell him Fred will be coming.

Hope/fear: Hope Ely will agree to host the wedding, then fear what will happen when Fred comes.

Beginning: Ellie tells each upsetting thing to Ely, making him all the more angry (Suspense, Uncomfortable Moment).

Middle: She asks to have the wedding in his barn; Ely explodes (Uncomfortable Moment).

Ending: When he finally agrees (Ely’s slight Character Change), we worry what will happen when Fred comes (Suspense, Superior Position).

43. INT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Back home Ellie and Jim argue over the wedding at Ely’s until Jim caves in despair saying at least it’ll be fun to see the blow up between Ely and Fred. They call guests about the change.

Scene Arc: From arguing over whether to have it at Ely’s to calling guests to tell them the change.

Essence: They get busy making arrangements for the new venue.

Conflict: Jim opposes having it at Ely’s fearing a blowup, but mainly because he feels bad they dumped Ely earlier.

Subtext: Jim is a sensitive guy despairing, while Ellie has become the strong one with a thick shell.

Hope/fear: fear problems between the uncles, hope it will work somehow.

Beginning: Jim is against having it at Ely’s (External/Internal Dilemma).

Middle: Jim considers not inviting Fred, but Ellie opposes that (Jim’s Dilemma).

Ending: Jim finally agrees, expects disaster (Suspense).

44. EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH – DAY

Ellie, Jim, and GUESTS arrive with supplies, get busy cleaning/decorating the barn, helping set up the alt energy batteries and generators. Fred is late. Ellie tells Ely that Fred is coming, be nice.

Scene Arc: From wedding guests arriving to setting things up.

Essence: Ellie, Jim, Ely and guests get the barn ready for the wedding.

Conflict: Several guests vie over the outlets to charge up their cell phones, Ely frustrated when people ignore his directives and blows up when he hears Fred is coming.

Subtext: This will be a wedding to remember.

Hope/fear: It will all come together for a great wedding, fear what will happen when Fred arrives.

Beginning: They get the barn ready for the wedding.

Middle: Ely fusses but is proud when Jim goes bonkers over his electrolyzer invention (Surprise: this could be a real money-maker, in addition to his bladeless vortex wind turbines).

Ending: Ely explodes on hearing Fred is coming (Suspense).

Scene Arc: tension and blow up between Ely and Fred to Jim owes Fred nothing and the couple makes their vows.

45. EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH – DAY

When Fred arrives with Gabby Fred snorts this certainly disproves global warming, rejecting Ely and Gecko’s explanation that such freezes are made more likely due to the warming.

Essence: Ely and Gecko explain global warming enhanced the great freeze, but Fred rejects that.

Conflict: Uncles try to be polite but get in an argument over global warming.

Subtext: Beneath the surface are issues between the uncles.

Hope/fear: fear wedding derailment when Fred arrives to hope they can keep it civil.

Beginning: Fred and Ely restrain themselves with tension and innuendo (Suspense).

Middle: They get into an argument about climate change (Surprise that climate change could have brought the freeze). Fred rejects it (Uncomfortable Moment, Suspense due to underlying tension).

Ending: Jim sides with Ely, Fred feels ganged upon, and Ellie sides with Fred saying it only makes it more likely.

46. EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH – DAY

Ellie pleads with Fred to release Jim from his obligation. Fred confesses that Jim owes him nothing because he cheated Jim’s father. Ely explodes against Fred for stealing his love. Fred explains she also left him.

Essence: Jim is not obligated to Fred and the deeper wound between the uncles was over a woman.

Conflict: Ellie confronts Fred over Jim’s obligation to him, which leads to a big explosion about Fred stealing Ely’s love.

Subtext: Jim is released to live his own life. Ely’s wound is healing.

Hope/fear: fear the uncles and Ellie’s confrontation will obstruct the wedding, hope these don’t.

Beginning: We find out Jim is not obligated to Fred, Gabby was in on the deception for Jim’s sake (Mislead/Reveal, Surprise, Betrayal).

Middle: Ely hates Fred because Fred stole his love (Betrayal, Uncomfortable Moment).

Ending: Fred says she also left him, Ely softens, almost feels sorry for Fred (Character Change).

47. EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH – DAY

Fred, intrigued by Ely’s inventions, discusses how they could market them. Others worry the energy won’t last and draw the focus back on the wedding.

Essence: Fred and Ely discuss marketing Ely’s inventions.

Conflict: Ellie and Jim have it hard getting Fred and Ely to refocus on the wedding before the power runs out.

Subtext: the two uncles again prevent the wedding

Hope/fear: the uncles get along, fear their new focus will obstruct the wedding.

Beginning: Jim shows Fred Ely’s inventions, Fred gets interested (Surprise).

Middle: Fred and Ely discuss marketing Ely’s invention, on & on & on (Twist).

Ending: Others worry power will run out preventing the wedding (Suspense).

48. EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH – DAY

Jim and Ellie draw the focus back on the wedding and make their vows, but before the grand kiss cell phones beep that The Sea Turtle Rescue Center wants all to come save the cold-stunned turtles. They all rush out.

Essence: Wedding vows are made, then the Turtle Center calls all to help rescue the turtles.

Conflict: Nature disrupts the wedding — The Turtle Center has them all run out to save the turtles.

Subtext: all are concerned about the couple, and also the turtles.

Hope/fear: hope wedding goes smoothly, fear something will disrupt it; hope they can save the turtles, fear they can’t.

Beginning: The wedding is on again (Suspense – what can do wrong now?).

Middle: The couple finally makes their vows (Surprise, Relief, Joy).

Ending: Turtles in danger disrupts the event before the kiss (Final Twist – event cut short).

49. EXT. BEACH – DAY

Ellie, Jim, and guests, with locals, save cold-stunned turtles; Ely and others set up generators to warm them. The couple breaks for their wedding kiss.

Scene Arc: wedding party and others rescue 1000s of turtles saved to the couple kisses.

Essence: Turtles get saved, Ellie and Jim seal their wedding with the kiss.

Conflict: mad rushing around saving turtles against the ticking clock of nature.

Subtext: Ellie and Jim will be able to pursue ALL their plans and dreams and there is hope for planet earth.

Hope/fear: fear for the turtles’ safety, hope for a good future with concerned, active people.

Beginning: Ellie, Jim and all rush around saving the turtles (Interesting Setting, Uncertainty for turtles).

Middle: Ely, Fred, and others set up warming stations for the turtles with hydrogen electrolyzer, battery, AND gasoline generators.

Ending: Ellie and Jim have their wedding kiss knee deep in the frigid Gulf (Unusual end to the wedding).

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan Scene Requirements

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that although I’d already been thinking in terms of scenes due to the “action track” assignment, there was a lot more work, and that having to come up with conflict made me realize I has scenes without much conflict. I still need to beef that up. The Hope/Fear part reminded me of Save the Cat’s idea of having a +/- or -/+ for each scene. Also although I had 40 beats, I need to ad more “bridge” scenes for logical flow.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

==================================================================

Scene Arc: From Ellie being unattached to being slightly reeled in by Jim.

EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS WALKWAYS – DAY

ELLIE FERRIS (20) and LUZ (19) are putting up posters for the Sea Turtle Rescue Center trip, despairing about the unusually hot weather and the possibility of getting people to do the eco thing, Ellie says she’s against romantic involvement. She also thinks she won’t be able to arrange the next trip to an off-grid ranch. JIM HIGSON (23) and MACK (22) follow the “babes,” listening in, when they turn and confront the boys. Jim insists he’s interested in the turtle trip (showed a flicker of interest in the off-grid trip), and wants Ellie to present about it to his class; she hesitates then agrees. As the girls leave, Jim says he wants to save that turtle, but Mack warns him she’s complicated and he won’t succeed.

Essence: Girls on a mission to save the earth; boys on a mission to get the babes.

Conflict: Ellie rejects Luz’s suggestion she should date Gecko, then the girls confront the boys for scoping them out.

Subtext: Ellie despairs about global warming and her own future re romance; while Jim is after “the babe.”Hope/fear: Ellie goes from despairing of the future (global/personal) to slight hope (less despair); Jim goes from hoping to catch a babe to more hope in doing so.

INT. CLASSROOM – DAY

Ellie nervously stands in front of the class of only 8 STUDENTS, including JEN (21), finishing her presentation about the turtle trip the Environmental Club, receives anti-environmental flack and freezes in distress; A STUDENT says the freeze several years ago disproves global warming. Jim tries to defend her and receives some flack. Jen remains silent.

Essence: Ellie seems unsuccessful in recruiting students into eco-concern

Conflict: Some students give anti-environmental flack, like who needs turtles, how about some beautiful birds or butterflies. One mentions how the great Texas freeze several years ago disproves global warming, but Ellie is unable to answer and freezes.

Subtext: Ellie’s eco-despair is well-founded

Hope/fear: Ellie and Jim hope to enlist students to disappointment and frustration in that effort.

EXT. PRIVATE NOOK ON CAMPUS – DAY

Jim takes Ellie outside to a private spot and consoles her, gives her a heart-melting smile, then distracts her expressing his interest in the off-grid ranch trip, reveals he has a BS in Engineering with background in Alt Engineering & is working on his MBA. Ellie goes from emotional meltdown and interest in Jim.

Essence: Seems Jim is truly interested in Ellie’s projects… or he’s a great smooth-talker.

Conflict: Ellie is hard to console, but finally comes around.

Subtext: Ellie is now interested in Jim, but is it because he’s into her projects or him?

Hope/fear: Ellies goes from eco-despair to some hope for the future.

EXT. ELY’S OFF-GRID RANCH – DAY

A ranch with weird alt energy contraptions. Ellie has a hard time convincing her cantankerous Great-uncle ELY PEREZ () to allow the club to visit the farm due to the club messing up the place last year. She at last convinces him saying only a few will be visiting (the club had a blow up), including some into alt energy (Jim), then sweet-talks him about how she’ll be moving in with him after college and helping with his projects. As a journalist major she’ll be able to help him write his book and create an off-grid blog, but is not mechanical to help with his contraptions.

Scene Arc: Ellie, unable to convince Ely, finally does by reminding him of her commitment to his projects.

Essence: Ellie wants to save the earth, and so does Ely, but they both seem ineffective.

Conflict: Ely ignoring, resisting Ellie’s plea.

Subtext: Despite all this resistance Ellie loves this cranky old man and his ranch

Hope/fear: fearing she won’t be able to hope that the trip (and her budding relationship with Jim) will be a success.

Scene Arc: from Turtle Center through wandering off down the beach, Jim is focused on Ellie; she finally caves in to passion.

INT/EXT. SEA TURTLE RESCUE CENTER – DAY

Shots of Environmental Club members — Ellie, Luz, JAVI, GECKO and FOUR OTHERS — plus Jim and Jen, plus 7 OTHER VISITORS touring the Sea Turtle Rescue Center. Final scene, A SPEAKER gives a talk in the amphitheater about harms to the turtles. A PERSON gives flack.

Essence: a visit through turtle displays, Jim attentive to Ellie, then a denialist’s objection to global warming.

Conflict: A visitor raises the great Texas freeze when talk of global warming it broached. The speaker deflects by telling how that freeze put 1000s of cold-stunned turtles in danger and they had to call on locals to help save them.

Subtext: The freeze means no global warming, therefore it can’t be harming the turtles. Jim pursues Ellie.

Hope/fear: Jim hopes he’ll get Ellie; fear the endangered turtle will become extinct; fear the global warming denialists will continue to deny.

EXT. BEACH – DAY

During the Club’s beach clean-up Jen thanks Jim for consoling Ellie after class, that she was thinking of doing that. Then she says our pastor is Ellie’s uncle. (You mean Rev. Rudy, who runs The Marriage Barn? Yes). This peaks Jim’s interest. He wonders why they never see Ellie at church. Ellie is a bit put off seeing Jim and Jen together. As the clean-up winds down, Jim sees Gecko collecting shells. He falls in step with him and Jim asks about Gecko’s relationship to Ellie. Then Jim picks up a shell, washes, then pockets it.

Essence: Jim finds out more about Ellie, peaking further interest, and scoping out Ellie’s “other man.”

Conflict: Jim tries to pry info from Gecko as to why he isn’t involved with Ellie, thinking it might be his Apergers; Gecko says no, it’s another reason, but that Ellie is a good friend and has helped him — making Jim wonder.

Subtext: To Jim Ellie looks more and more to be the right woman for him.

Hope/fear: Jim fears Ellie is not into involvement as she said in the opening, but hope of getting together with her increases with Gecko’s input.

EXT. BEACH – NIGHT

As club members and Jen dance wildly around a campfire, Gecko sorts his shells, Ellie sits pensively. Then Jim takes Ellie down the beach and up a hill and they kiss.

Essence: Jim and Ellie get romantically involved; it’s more than just sexual.

Conflict: When Jim gives Ellie the shell and humorously/seriously asks her to “be his shell,” she accepts but makes it clear no involvement.

Subtext: Jim seems to want Ellie’s protection.

Hope/fear: Jim’s hope for a relationship is somewhat lessened when Ellie make clear this doesn’t mean involvement.

INT. THE MARRIAGE BARN – DAY

Ellie is interviewing her uncle, RUDY PEREZ (41), pastor of Iglesia Granero and proprietor of its wedding venue, The Marriage Barn, for the campus newspaper. He asks why she hasn’t been to church since her mother died three years ago, he mentions her father abandoning her, and he also detects she’s in love, but she refuses.

Scene Arc: Ellie is businesslike in interviewing, but becomes emotional when topics about her arise.

Essence: Ellie has lost faith and she refuses to acknowledge feelings she has for Jim.

Conflict: Rudy wonders why Ellie hasn’t been to church; Ellie claims the church is eco-hyprocritical, Rudy arguing back. Rudy detects she’s in love, and when she objects, he brings up how he’s always tried to be the father she never had after her father abandoned her and her mother, but that only rubs salt into the wound.

Subtext: Ellie has a father abandonment wound that underlies her eco-despair and refusal to get involved.

Hope/fear: Ellie goes from positive journalist to being shaken in her beliefs and persona/cover. She fears the truth.

EXT./INT. AROUND CAMPUS/ELLIE’S APARTMENT – DAY/NIGHT

Shots of Ellie avoiding Jim, ending in the Environmental Club meeting scene with of 10 STUDENTS, where she’s president. Jim arrives, interested in the off-grid ranch visit, then lags behind to talk to Ellie privately about why she’s avoiding him.

Scene Arc: Ellie’s avoidance of Jim to how she’s happy to have him as a club member and visit the ranch.

Essence: Ellie tries to avoid involvement with Jim.

Conflict: Jim pursues, Ellie flees.

Subtext: She’s already involved with Jim, but why does she not want it?

Hope/fear: Ellie hopes to maintain her involvement-free life and fears getting involved.

INT. CAFETERIA – DAY

Jim finds Ellie in the cafeteria and says he wants an exclusive relationship, no other guys. She assures him there are no others, but relationships end in someone getting hurt. They agree on having a “situationship” — no commitment, but they can go around together and drift apart without regrets.

Scene Arc: Jim pursues Ellie, they leave together a “situationship” couple.

Essence: Jim get Ellie, sort of.

Conflict: Ellie resists Jim’s come-on but finally caves.

Subtext: Ellie loves Jim, but she doesn’t want to hurt him.

Hope/fear: Ellie fears a relationship, but is less fearful about a “situationship” with Jim.

INT. ELLIE AND LUZ’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Ellie is cooking dinner for Jim when he receives a call from his mother, GABRIELLA “GABBY” HIGSON (40s), demanding he come home to Houston for summer to work for his Uncle Fred, reminding him of his great obligation to Fred. He hides the “obligation” part from Ellie. Ellie wonders if Jim likes it here; Jim says he loves it, but– His mother calls again to ask if he wants anything from home that she can send through Fred when he comes there next week for a reception.

Scene Arc: Ellie and Jim happy together to worries about future separation.

Essence: Jim has obligations that could split him from Ellie.

Conflict: Ellie worries as Jim argues with his mother about coming to Houston for summer.

Subtext: Ellie and Jim are in a more serious relationship that now seems threatened

Hope/fear: Ellie hopes they can stay together to Ellie fears Jim will drift off.

EXT./INT. ELY’S OFF-GRID RANCH – DAY

Ely and Ellie lead six club members, Jen now a member, and Jim around the alt energy contraptions, including the monolith battery in the silo. Ely explodes when he hears Jim’s last name is Higson; Jim assures him he is not Fred Higson’s son.

Scene Arc: Interesting tour of the ranch to Ely exploding over Jim.

Essence: Jim is enthralled by the ranch, but Ely hates Jim’s Uncle Fred.

Conflict: Ely spars with Jim about Fred Higson.

Subtext: Ellie loves Jim and would like him to join her in working with Ely. Fred has wounded Ely in some way.

Hope/fear: Ellie hopes Jim will take to Ely and his ranch, which Jim does, to fear Ely won’t accept Jim.

INT. UNIVERSITY RECEPTION HALL – NIGHT

Jim is with his uncle, FRED HIGSON (60ish) hobnobbing with college administrators and professors, honoring Fred for his contribution.

Essence: Jim plays Fred’s dutiful nephew in this honoring of Fred.

Conflict: Inuendoes, subtext of Fred upset with Jim, Jim upset with his obligation.

Subtext: Jim is not happy, neither is Fred.

Hope/fear: Jim fears Fred will burst out against him, but Fred isn’t Ely. So far, so good.

INT./EXT. CAR/HOTEL PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Fred bursts out against Jim for staying in college too long, taking nonsense courses like Alt Energy Engineering and Business & the Environment, threatens to cut off his funding.

Essence: Fred expects Jim to get out of college and come work for him in his Petroleum Engineering Consultancy.

Conflict: Fred attacks Jim, Jim meekly spars back with excuses.

Subtext: Fred has the upper hand with Jim.

Hope/fear: Jim fears Fred, and fears him even more with the threat to cut him off.

Scene Arc: Luz suggests Ellie and Jim marry, to Ellie and Jim separately checking out the feasibility.

INT. ELLIE AND LUZ’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Ellie is with Jim watching TV, heavy kissing, when Luz bursts in telling she’s marrying Javi and will be moving out, suggesting Ellie and Jim get married.

Essence: Ellie and Jim are really into each other; Luz interrupts, suggests they marry.

Conflict: Kissing interrupted; Jim explains to Luz they are only in a “situationship.”

Subtext: They want a marital relationship

Hope/fear: Ellie hopes for more with Jim and end up a bit disappointed he denies interest in marriage, fears he’ll drift away from her.

INT. JIM’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Jim’s on the phone Fred if he can help out if he gets married. Fred vehemently opposes it.

Essence: Jim wants to marry Ellie, asks for help.

Conflict: Jim wants financial help to marry; Fred dead set against it.

Subtext: Jim doesn’t have the money to get married.

Hope/fear: Jim hopes Fred will foot the bill, ends up disappointed.

EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH/TACK ROOM – DAY

Ellie searches for Ely and find him in the tack room, broaches the possibility of marrying Jim. Ely is against Jim and marriage in general. She suggests Jim could be a real asset to the ranch; at the end Ely begrudgingly mentions there’s plenty of space for another house on the land.

Essence: Ely is against Ellie marrying, but won’t oppose it.

Conflict: Ellie argues with Ely about Jim and marriage.

Subtext: Ely has some wound about marriage

Hope/fear: Ellie fears Ely won’t be amenable to her marrying Jim (if it comes to that), then hopeful.

INT. THE MARRIAGE BARN/CHURCH – DAY

Rudy’s Marriage Barn is configured as a church, services just ended, people leaving. Jim comes up and helps put away the hymnals, then after all leave except Rudy, Jim speaks about wanting to marry Ellie. Rudy offers to have it there and foot the bill, very pleased with the prospect. Jim’s only problem now, will she marry him. Mentions she’s at Ely’s for a few days.

Essence: Rudy agrees to help Jim and Ellie marry.

Conflict: Jim hesitates in asking for help from Rudy (who is as poor as a church mouse), finally gets up courage.

Subtext: Jim is willing to seek outside help to marry Ellie.

Hope/fear: Jim fears he can’t afford to marry Ellie to hopeful with Rudy’s support.

EXT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT — DAY

Jim at the front door asks Luz where Ellie is. Luz says she just came back from ranch and rushed over to campus, something about meeting a friend.

Essence: Jim wants to propose, tell Ellie that Rev. Rudy will foot the bill.

Conflict: Ellie is not home.

Subtext: Jim impatient to tell Ellie.

Hope/fear: hope she’s home, put off she is not, wonders about “a friend.”

EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Looking for Ellie Jim comes across Mack, tells him he’s planning to marry Ellie. Ellie spots Jim, gets within hearing distance unnoticed, hears Mack’s teasing response about Jim not being able to get Ellie as a sex conquest.

Essence: Ellie misunderstands Jim’s motives, thinks he was only after her as a sex conquest.

Conflict: Jim and Mack spar over Jim’s idea to marry Ellie; then Ellie gets the wrong idea about Jim.

Subtext: Ellie is crestfallen that Jim isn’t serious about her.

Hope/fear: Ellie is hoping to let Jim know Ely is sort of okay with them, but ends up fearing it was all a mistake.

INT. CAFETERIA – DAY

Luz meets Gecko in the cafeteria, so sorry to hear that your mother died. Jim sees Ellie at a distance as she puts her arm around Gecko. Jim turns away angry.

Essence: Ellie sympathizes with Gecko over his loss, but Jim thinks she’s drifted apart from him and is going with Gecko.

Conflict: Ellie with Gecko gets Jim jealous and angry.

Subtext: Jim really loves Ellie and can’t bear losing her.

Hope/fear: Jim is quite hopeful they can marry, then find Ellie with the other man.

INT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Luz leaves with Javi, and a moment later Jim bursts and confronts her about Gecko. She confronts him about what Mack said, they clear it up, come together strong without revealing their opposing obligations and decide to marry ASAP (so he can stay in the valley and she can keep the apartment).

Essence: They confront each other with misunderstandings, then clear them up and decide to marry.

Conflict: Big outburst of jealous and betrayal between Ellie and Jim.

Subtext: they are sort of immature and rushing it too much, and aren’t honest about their obligations & future plans.

Hope/fear: They fear the whole thing is off, a big breakup rather than a no-regrets drifting apart and end up hopeful about getting married.

INT. MARRIAGE BARN – DAY

Rudy is leading them through the various requirements for a simple, cheap wedding, but when they get to the guest list and Rudy suggests not inviting Uncle Ely (since he disrupted his own wedding and Ellie’s mother’s wedding), and Jim agrees (knowing the hatred between Ely and Fred, who has to be invited), Ellie explodes, suggesting they not invite Fred then. Jim reveals his obligation to Fred and Ellie reveals her commitment to Ely, and they say some over-the-top negative things about each other and call off the wedding.

Scene Arc: From planning a wedding to calling it off.

Essence: In planning the wedding they come to realize that marriage between them is impossible.

Conflict: Ellie angry with Rudy for being against Ely and big argument between Ellie and Jim.

Subtext: They can’t/won’t get out of their obligations/commitments in order to marry.

Hope/fear: very hopeful about getting married to complete fear that they can never marry.

INT. ELLIE AND LUZ’S APARTMENT – DAY

Luz is packing to move in with Javi and splitting things with Ellie. Luz says don’t give up hope re romance, there are many turtles in the sea. Ellie says they’re going extinct, remember? Luz gets a lightbulb idea. Ellie cries that there’s only one Jim Higson.

Scene Arc: Ellie feels justified that marriage is a doomed enterprise and thinks she can go back to her original life plan, but ends by crying over her loss.

Essence: Ellie is heart-broken over the breakup.

Conflict: Ellie and Luz disagree over Ellie going back to life without relationship, then over many eligible men vs. only one man for Ellie.

Subtext: Ellie loves Jim more than ever.

Hope/fear: hopes she can get back to life as before to fears she cannot.

INT. CLUB MEETING ROOM – DAY

End of meeting, Ellie leads a discussion of what else the club should do next year. They decide on another Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors, show slides of last year’s event. All leave except Gecko, who asks if Jim is still in the club. Ellie says guess not since they broke up. Ellie leaves, Gecko stays. Jim arrives, thought meeting was now. Speaks about how their relationship is impossible, but he can’t think of anyone except Ellie.

Scene Arc: Ellie conducts the meeting, unhappy, leaves. Jim comes late, unhappy.

Essence: Ellie and Jim are unhappy but plan to carry on without each other, go through the motions.

Conflict: Ellie doesn’t argue or disagree with anyone — she’s listless.

Subtext: Ellie and Jim love each other even more now.

Hope/fear: Ellie has no hope, no fear.

INT. JIM’S APARTMENT – DAY

Jim is packing to go home to Houston for the summer. Mack suggests another woman, Jim’s not interested. Mack speaks of a rumor from the eco-freaks that climate change will make men go extinct. Jim says that’s ridiculous, but that he supports eco causes and regrets he said nasty things about eco-activism to Ellie, hopes she does well.

Scene Arc: Jim goes from thinking about summer in Houston to worrying about Ellie

Essence: Jim’s going back to Houston for summer.

Conflict: disagrees with Mack about dating other women

Subtext: he loves Ellie

Hope/fear: hopes Ellie does well in life, fears she’ll also have trouble

EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Shots of Fall semester, Homecoming signs, students registering for classes, then sitting in class. Ellie and Jim see each other, avoid when they can, offer stiff smiles when they can’t. Last shot, Ellie and new roommate Jen putting up a “Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors” poster. Jim waits for the girls to finish and walk away, then goes and looks at it.

Scene Arc: Excitement of college starting, Ellie and Jim avoiding, Jim interested in club event.

Essence: Summer’s over, a couple of months pass, nothing stirring between Ellie and Jim

Conflict: avoidance of conflict

Subtext: they are braving it, but still in love

Hope/fear: hope they are over each other to fear they’ll never get over it as time passes.

EXT. CAMPUS – DAY

Pathway of eco-horror displays, club member in various costumes, Ellie in a monarch butterfly costume. Jim approaches in a turtle costume and takes Ellie aside, saying “I’m not extinct yet.”

Scene Arc: Ellie trying to keep up a positive façade to Ellie and Jim back together again.

Essence: Jim is willing to sacrifice for Ellie so they can marry; Ellie is willing to sacrifice for Jim.

Conflict: Ellie thinks Jim just wants a fling – he whirls her around, she protests/resists; he objects, says he’ll renege on his obligation to Fred, pay him back somehow. Ellie points out he’ll be harming his relationship with his mother, Jim deflates/agrees. Ellie doesn’t want him to sacrifice for her, she’ll think about going with him to Houston, renege on her commitment to Ely. They’ll try to work it out, but should take it slowly this time since they weren’t frank with each other before.

Subtext: They are maturing, concerned about each other’s prospects and feeling, willing to sacrifice for each other.

Hope/fear: Ellie fears getting involved with Jim again to they both have measured hope it will work out.

INT. GABBY’S (JIM’S MOTHER’S) HOME, HOUSTON – NIGHT

Jim and Ellie go to Houston to stay with Gabby for Christmas break. Gabby graciously accepts Ellie, show her to a separate bedroom speaking about how Fred helped them keep this nice house after Jim’s father died. Uncle Fred comes for dinner with the Christmas tree to see them, expresses how people should wait until they are financially settled before thinking about marriage.

Scene Arc: Nervous meeting mom, but cleared up in her warmth, to sparing with uncle.

Essence: Mom accepts Ellie and their marriage, Fred does not.

Conflict: subtext sparring between Fred and Ellie, Fred and Jim, Gabby and Jim, and Fred and Gabby.

Subtext: Fred is against their marriage and might throw a wrench in it.

Hope/fear: Hopeful when Gabby embraces Ellie (literally/figuratively) to fear Fred will destroy it.

INT. HIGSON PETROLEUM ENGINEERING CONSULTANCY – DAY

Jim leads Ellie on a tour of Fred’s company, meet EMPLOYEES, including good-looking HEATHER (28), who speaks about how Fred hates any mention of alt energy. Fred arrives, proud of his business, but uptight with Ellie. She tells him he’s doing something important to help society run smoothly on oil. He likes that. Jim says he’s taking Ellie to the Butterfly Museum.

Scene Arc: Friendly tour until Fred causes tension to a final flicker of pleasant ease.

Essence: Ellie is pretending interest in the business and to like it.

Conflict: Fred subtly attacks Ellie, but Ellie spars back with flattery.

Subtext: Ellie hates the business, it’s emphasis on oil only, no alt energy.

Hope/fear: Ellie and Jim fear Fred and his reaction to hope with Fred beginning to like Ellie.

INT. BUTTERFLY MUSEUM, HOUSTON – DAY

Brief scene of Ellie and Jim walk MOS down the multi-storied path of the atrium-garden with a multitude of butterflies. Ellie in complete wonder. At the end near the pond, Jim says he’ll take her to Galveston tomorrow.

Scene Arc: Ellie going from the tension at Fred’s business to awe in this butterfly wonderland.

Essence: Ellie regains her eco-spirit and become even more happy.

Conflict: Jim tries to get Ellie enthused about Houston but she hates cities, ends in Ellie being slightly pleased with Houston (it’s not all bad).

Subtext: Jim wants Ellie to like Houston, but Ellie hates cities, hates Jim’s obligation to Fred, but likes a few things about Houston — his mom, the museum.

Hope/fear: Ellie goes from doubt about liking city life to hope that there are some good things.

EXT. GALVESTON BEACH – DAY

Jim and Ellie walk along the beach talking. In the b.g., homes on tall stilts, with car parking under them.

Scene Arc: Ellie likes the beach (not as much as the one in the Valley) to being upset over thinking about global warming enhanced hurricanes, bonking her back into eco-mode.

Essence: Ellie likes the beach gets reminded of eco-causes.

Conflict: Jim triggers Ellie when he explains how the homes are on stilts due to flooding from hurricanes; Ellie gets upset about global warming increasing hurricanes and Jim tries, but can’t override that.

Subtext: Jim wants Ellie to like the Houston area and temper down her eco-concern, but that backfires.

Hope/fear: hope that Ellie will like Houston area to be happy there to fear her eco-spirit will not allow happiness.

INT. GABBY’S HOME, HOUSTON – NIGHT

Ellie and Jim are decorating the Christmas tree, sipping drinks, while Gabby cooks dinner. Jim tries to convince Ellie he’ll try to get out of his obligation to Fred, and at least work on getting Fred into alt energy in addition to oil, but both know that’s impossible. As Jim gets tipsy, Gabby privately tells Ellie about Jim’s father idolizing big brother Fred and how after his death Fred has been supporting them, how they owe Fred. Ellie assures Gabby she’ll stand by Jim.

Scene Arc: unrealistic talk about changing Fred mind to Jim getting drunk because he can’t make it better for Ellie.

Essence: Ellie is unhappy about their predicament — Jim working in oil, Fred dominating them, she unable to help Ely with his projects.

Conflict: subtext sparring about changing Fred’s mind, and how both Jim and Gabby want to make Ellie happy.

Subtext: Ellie is unhappy. Jim tries to make her happy. Gabby explains so as to keep Ellie with Jim.

Hope/fear: Jim and Gabby hope to make Ellie happy, they fear she may back out of the marriage.

EXT. BUFFALO BAYOU PARK, Houston – DAY

A few snowflakes as Ellie and Jim walk through the park. Ellie is speaking with Rudy about wedding plans, gets off the cell and she and Jim discuss the plans.

Scene Arc: They feel invigorated that Rudy is facilitating the wedding by end of January to feeling terrible that they won’t tell or invite Ely.

Essence: Ellie is willing to sacrifice her relationship with Ely, but Jim feels terrible about it.

Conflict: They argue over what to do about Ely, Jim wanting to include him when Ellie tells him about Ely’s hydrogen electrolyzer and generator, which Jim thinks is brilliant.

Subtext: Jim likes Ely and hates having to dump him; he hates that he is harming Ellie’s relationship with Ely and her hopes for eco-activism with Ely and the positive impact that could have.

Hope/fear: they hope for a successful wedding and marriage to fear issues — Ely, Fred, eco-concerns — will harm/destroy it.

INT. GABBY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Gabby is away Xmas Eve shopping, Jim and Ellie are into heavy love-making, when Jim pulls away, saying he wants to call off the wedding because he loves Ellie too much to have her sacrifice her goals and commitments to Ely, which could have a good impact on the world. Ellie objects. Gabby returns.

Scene Arc: From love-making to calling off the wedding.

Essence: Jim doesn’t want to make Ellie sacrifice her goals and commitments so he calls off the wedding.

Conflict: Jim calls off the wedding, Ellie objects, they argue.

Subtext: Jim has matured to the point of sacrificing for Ellie.

Hope/fear: they start out hopeful about their relationship to fearing it should be called off for Ellie’s and the world’s sake.

INT. GABBY’S HOUSE – DAY

Snowing outside the window. Ellie, Jim, Gabby, and Fred, bundled in warm clothes, TV on low with Xmas show/music, open their presents, then Jim announces the wedding is off, that Ellie has important work to do in life and it just wouldn’t work out. Gabby is shocked, Fred is disappointed, since he likes Ellie. Ellie follows Jim into his bedroom and says it’s not off, she’ll find a way to pursue her dreams and stand beside and face life with him. Jim acquiesces, but worries about her well-being and mission. Ellie goes out announces it’s back on and confronts Fred in a reasonable way. TV announcer interrupts program to announce bitter cold front coming from up north — naughty Santa.

Scene Arc: Starts tense for Jim and Ellie due to calling off their wedding, but ends with Ellie’s resolve to make it work and Jim’s worry about it.

Essence: Jim announces the wedding is off; Ellie calls it back on again and confronts Fred, who is against it (politely).

Conflict: Between Jim and Ellie about calling the wedding off and between Ellie and Fred about how he needs to keep up with the time and expand his business into alt energy.

Subtext: Jim hates harming Ellie; Ellie is willing to sacrifice for Jim and got some hidden strength of character to confront Fred.

Hope/fear: Jim hopes since Ellie is released from the relationship she’ll be happy to fear/despair with it back on that she won’t. Ellie fears she’ll be miserable without Jim (and her new mission to stand by him) since he called it off to a very hopeful resolve they will make it work. (This is a role reversal from the beginning in which Ellie suffers eco-despair and Jim is happy-go-lucky hopeful of snagging Ellie.)

Scene Arc: From thinking about their wedding to a power cut that threatens it to Ellie’s appeal to get Ely to host it.

EXT. CAMPUS – NIGHT

Jim and Ellie are headed to the library to return books, bundled in Chicago-type winder jackets, saying it’s never gotten this cold in the Valley. Hope it’s not cold Saturday for their wedding. As they approach the library, all the lights go out around campus.

Essence: The freeze has caused a power cut, threatening the wedding.

Conflict: Nature and the power grid failure against Ellie and Jim’s wedding.

Subtext: another severe freeze and power cut like the one before, only worse. Does this indeed disprove global warming.

Hope/fear: hope for a successful wedding to fear it won’t happen

INT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

No lights, except a lantern. Ellie is on her cell with Rudy, Jim and Jen nearby. She gets off and tells them no power at the Marriage Barn and authorities are saying it will be off for a week, but Rudy says we’ll have to cancel until Spring because he’s booked — thanks to my article in the college paper. Jen leaves to buy something (leave the two alone). Jim and Ellie are deflated until Ellie gets an idea — have the wedding in Ely’s barn. That’s the only place that will have heat and lights. Jim thinks it’s crazy, but in his state of despair says go ahead ask, but he won’t agree to it, suggests we could have it in the cold and dark, just us two, Rudy officiating.

Essence: Rudy’s place is out, so Ellie suggests having the wedding at Ely’s.

Conflict: Ellie tries to get Rudy to host the wedding sooner, then argues with Jim over having it at Ely’s.

Subtext: Ellie gets the idea that this was meant to be, bringing Ely and Fred together.

Hope/fear: fear they won’t get married at all if they wait until Spring to Ellie hoping Ely will host it in his barn.

INT. ELY’S RANCH HOUSE – DAY

Ellie enters house, goes to charge her cell, helps Ely cook dinner, while telling him she’ll be marrying Jim, moving to Houston, where he has to work for Fred. She lets him know that they had planned the wedding and didn’t invite him due to his grudge with Fred, but that Jim really likes him a lot. Ely is quite upset. Then she tells him Rudy’s place doesn’t have power, so could we have the wedding here. He flies off the handle, but at the end agrees.

Essence: Ellie gets Ely to agree to host the wedding in his barn.

Conflict: As Ellie tells each unpleasant (to Ely) thing he gets more and more angry until he burst out.

Subtext: Ellie is honest and brave to confront this cantankerous old man, because she knows he loves her.

Hope/fear: Ellie fears Ely will refuse to hope the wedding goes well in his barn.

INT. ELLIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Back home with Jim and Jen and the flickering lantern for light Ellie and Jim argue about having the wedding at Ely’s until Jim caves in despair saying at least it’ll be fun to see the blow up between Ely and Fred. They get busy calling the guests about the change in venue.

Scene Arc: From arguing over whether to have it at Ely’s to calling guests to tell them the change.

Essence: They get busy making the making the new arrangements

Conflict: Jim bitterly opposes having it at Ely’s not only because there’ll be a blowup between the uncles, but also because they dumped Ely and he feels bad about it.

Subtext: Jim is a sensitive guy now despairing, while Ellie has become the strong one with a thick shell.

Hope/fear: Jim and Ellie fear the problems putting the two uncles together, but at least Ellie is hopeful it will work somehow.

Scene Arc: From wedding guests arriving, setting things up to Ellie and Jim taking their vows.

EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH – DAY

Shots of Ellie, Jim, and GUESTS (Rudy and family, some club members, etc) arriving with bundles of supplies and getting to work cleaning the barn, decorating, cooking. The men helping Ely set up the alt energy batteries and generators. KIDS having fun running on the human hamster wheel and horsing around. Ellie brings up to Ely that Fred will be coming.

Essence: Ellie, Jim, Ely and guests get the barn ready for the wedding.

Conflict: Several guest vie over the outlets to charge up their cell phones, Ely tries to directing actions, gets frustrated with people ignore him and proceed with speed. Ely gets upset when he hears Fred will be coming.

Subtext: This will be a wedding to remember.

Hope/fear: Ely and others hopeful they can fix up the place and make it a wonderful wedding to fear about what will happen when Fred arrives.

EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH – DAY

Fred and Gabby arrive at the ranch. Fred and Ely try to be polite, then Fred snorts that the freeze certainly disproves global warming. Ely explains that such freezes are made more likely due to the warming with Gecko chiming in, Jim pointing out Gecko is studying climate science. Fred feels ganged upon. There’s a big blow up between the two uncles, Ellie soft-talking Fred and Jim siding with Ely re alt energy, until Fred finally agrees about it’s benefits. Fred explains how the woman he stole from Ely also left him. Then when Ellie pleads with Fred to release Jim from his obligation (Jim would never ask), Fred confesses that Jim owes him nothing because he cheated Jim’s father out of his inheritance — he needed to expand his consultancy, thinking he’d make more money to provide more for Jeff.

Scene Arc: Great tension when Fred arrives to a blow up between the uncles to a resolution and Fred’s confession that Jim owes him nothing.

Essence: Global warming enhanced the great freeze, Fred and Ely resolve differences, Jim owes nothing to Fred.

Conflict: over global warming and over Ely’s grudge against Fred.

Subtext: Ellie was right to bring the two uncles together; things got resolved.

Hope/fear: great fear of destruction of wedding when Fred arrives.

EXT./INT. ELY’S RANCH – DAY

Fred gets intrigued by Ely’s inventions, thinking they could join together and make good money off them. The discussion goes on and on as the battery power is being used up threatening to derail the wedding, Fred turning to Jim, telling him he’ll need him here at the ranch to help develop and market the invention. Finally Rudy, Jim, and Ellie draw the focus back on the wedding. Ellie and Jim make their vows in a sweet ceremony (sort of like the Xmas nativity scene). But before their grand kiss cell phones beep text messages among all present. The Sea Turtle Rescue Center is calling everyone to come save the 1000s of cold-stunned turtles. They all rush out, including Ellie, Jim, Ely and Fred.

Essence: Fred and Ely plan to develop and market one of Ely’s inventions, then Ellie and Jim make their vows, then the Turtle Center calls all to come help rescue cold-stunned turtles, and all rush out to do so.

Conflict: Ellie and Jim have a hard time getting Fred and Ely to refocus on the wedding before the power runs out. The Turtle Center disrupts the wedding after vows but before the kiss.

Subtext: all are concerned about the couple, then the turtles.

Hope/fear: fear that they won’t be able to get the uncles off their business planning to hope the married couple will have a great marriage to fear for the turtles safety.

EXT. BEACH – DAY

Ellie, Jim and wedding guests bundled in winter jackets, along with MANY LOCALS and CENTER STAFF, out saving the cold-stunned turtles. Ely and some guests setting up generators and batteries in the Center to help warm the turtles. The couple takes a brief break for their wedding kiss.

Scene Arc: wedding party arrives and gets to work rescuing turtles to 100s of turtles saved, to the couple has their wedding kiss.

Essence: Turtles are saved, Ellie and Jim seal the wedding with the kiss.

Conflict: mad rushing around, some confusion, getting to work saving turtles. ?? Maybe Fred is squeamish about wading into the freezing water, egged on by others.

Subtext: Ellie and Jim will be able to pursue ALL their plans and dreams. There is hope for planet earth.

Hope/fear: fear for the turtles safety to hope for a good future with concerned, active people.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Intriguing Moments

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED the importance of intrigue and various types, and due to all the previous work was able to ID these in the outline and elevate a few, though Act 3 seems a little short on intrigue — need to beef it up a bit. I also figured out the difference between MYSTERY (re something that already happened, but not revealed, like a wound) and INTRIGUE (something important going on and where it leads we don’t know).

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

==================================================================

ACT 1: Ellie and Jim meet and are attracted to each other, issues regarding their uncles arise.

MYSTERY 1: Why does Ellie despair of getting married/involved, seems to go deeper than her eco-despair.

MYSTERY 2: Why is Ellie hesitant to present to Jim’s class?

INTRIGUE 1: What does Jim really want by getting involved with Ellie — a difficult sex conquest or ? What kind of guy is he anyway? Is his interest in turtle trip smooth-talk or genuine? Will Jim get Ellie into a relationship with him?

INTRIGUE 2: Why does Ellie think she won’t be able to arrange the off-grid ranch trip?

INTRIGUE/MYSTERY 3: Does that previous severe Texas freeze disprove global warming? Ellie can’t answer that. Will it happen again, and will that definitely disprove global warming?

MYSTERY 3: What’s wrong with Ely, beyond upset over last year’s trip? Like Ellie he wants to “save the earth,” but being a bitter recluse is not really doing much aside from reducing his own eco-footprint.

SECRET/SUPERIOR POSITION 1: Ellie is planning to live on Ely’s ranch and help him with his projects after college, which may be at least one reason she’s not planning to marry. This is keep secret from Jim until mid-point breakup.

INTRIGUE/MYSTERY 3 again: Does the previous severe Texas freeze disprove global warming? The host doesn’t answer, but goes into how that cold affected the turtles.

MYSTERY 4: Ellie seems to have affection for Gecko, but his aspergers is not the reason she didn’t get involved with him. What is the reason?

INTRIGUE/MYSTERY: Jim jokingly says he needed Ellie’s protection, but he was somewhat serious. Why does he need it?

MYSTERY: Why has Ellie given up praying, religion?

INTRIGUE/MYSTERY: Ellie seems attracted to Jim, but what about her resolve not to get involved? Is their relationship going to work?

TURNING POINT 1 (Ellie’s Denial of Love):

SECRET 1 kept up: Ellie gives Jim some general idea about her future plans, failing to mention her plans with Ely.

SECRET/SUPERIOR POSITION 2a: Jim has a big obligation to his Uncle Fred, which he keeps secret from Ellie. Audience doesn’t know the exact obligation now.

MYSTERY/INTRIGUE: Why does Ely hate Fred Higson? Will this bode ill for Jim and Ellie’s relationship?

COVER UP/HIDDEN IDENTITY: Jim covers up from Ely that he is closely related to Fred and that he’s obligated to him. Ellie sort of knows his relationship to Fred, but not his obligation.

SECRET/SUPERIOR POSITION 2b: Jim’s obligation to work in Houston after college for Fred’s Oil Engineering Consultancy is laid bare to the audience, who will worry more about Jim and Ellie’s relationship.

CONSPIRACY 1: Ellie “conspires” with (tells) Ely about Jim’s engineering and business background and how that could really help with Ely’s project if she were to marry him; nevertheless Ely opposes the idea of her marrying but begrudgingly mentions there’s plenty of space for another house on the land.

CONSPIRACY 2 (minor): Jim conspires with (enlists) Rudy in his plan to get Ellie to marry him.

END OF ACT 2 – MIDPOINT (Break up over differences): Planning the wedding, break up over guest list.

ACT 3: Knowing they are in love, they try to work it out.

CONSPIRACY/COVERUP/HIDDEN IDENTITY 3: Ellie and Jim plan not to tell Fred about Ellie being an eco-activist while in Houston, just as Jim has to avoid speaking of his interest in alt energy and environmentalism.

CONSPIRACY 3: They plan not to tell Ely that they’re getting married and plan not to invite him — Ellie now realizing that Jim loves her Uncle Ely and it is also a sacrifice for him.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: A severe freeze and power cut throughout Texas makes it impossible for them to wed.

CONSPIRACY: Ellie with Jim sort of onboard plans to get Ely to have the wedding in his barn.

COVER UP: Ellies doesn’t tell Ely that Fred will be coming to the wedding.

INTRIGUE: Will they be able to pull of the wedding with both Ely and Fred present? Jim doesn’t think so, Ellie isn’t sure.

INTRIGUE: Now that the 2 uncles are okay and deep into discussion about developing an alt energy project, will the wedding happen before they lose power?

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Emotional Moments

NOTE: I’m keeping all the beats, character journeys, action tracks, and setup/reveals as I add them in, but am doing an abbreviated version for posting on Forums, so as to keep it simple for other students.

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED the importance of emotional moments and setting them up more powerfully, making them more intense, and raising the stakes (and I need to do more on that). I was glad to discover I already had enough of these (it’s a RomCom afterall), but am glad to identify and label them, and will now work on them even harder.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

==================================================================

ACT 1: Ellie and Jim meet and are attracted to each other, issues regarding their uncles arise.

DISTRESS/WOUND: Ellie receives a lot of flack in presenting about turtle trip to Jim’s class; she gets flustered and freezes, then alone with Jim she has a meltdown about her inability to reach denialists and anti-environmentalists (something must be disturbing her at a deeper level).

AFFECTION: Jim consoles Ellie, distracts her by showing interest in the off-grid farm trip.

DISTRESS/BITTERNESS: Ely is gruff with Ellie about the club’s trip to his farm, but it seems to go much deeper than problems from last year’s visit.

AFFECTION: Ellie puts up with Ely and out of affection/concern expresses commitment to him and his project.

INCITING INCIDENT (Cute-Meet): Jim and Ellie kiss, awakening her passion.

LOVE: Jim kisses Ellie. They are attracted to each other and it’s more than just sexual.

BETRAYAL: Ellie feels Rev. Uncle Rudy and his church betrayed their values, saying they are hypocrites for not being into eco-activities to reduce harm to God’s creation, including us people. Rudy objects, saying we’ve changed, but you haven’t been here to see that, points to recycling bins, efficient lighting. He says I’m not your Gran-Tio Ely, but I love you like a father (referencing to her father abandonment wound/betrayal).

TURNING POINT 1 (Ellie’s Denial of Love): Ellie is obviously falling in love with Jim, but insists she is not.

ACT 2 (overwhelming attraction): They go from “situationship” to “dating” to planning to marry.

EMOTIONAL DILEMMA/MORAL ISSUE: Jim has a major obligation to Fred, and his mother reminded him to be a trooper and fulfill it, but this conflicts with his growing love for Ellie.

EMOTIONAL DILEMMA: Ellie’s commitment to Ely (expressed 8 beats ago) conflicts with her growing love for Jim, since Ely hates Jim’s uncle and maybe Jim.

EXCITEMENT: After Fred tries to dissuade Jim from marriage, Jim is ecstatic when Rev. Rudy (Ellie’s uncle) favors his marriage to his niece Ellie and offers to help with the wedding AND when Rudy mentions that he suspected Ellie was in love, and it couldn’t be with a better man than Jim.

BETRAYAL: Ellie overhears Mack and thinks Jim is only interested in her as a difficult sex conquest, and is surprised she’s hurt, since she thought their relationship was only a “situationship.”

BETRAYAL: Jim sees Ellie huddled with Gecko, know there is already something between them, and suspects it’s more than something.

LOVE: They clear up their misunderstandings and jealousies, which draws them into a deeper love, and they plan to get married.

END OF ACT 2 – MIDPOINT (Break up over differences): Planning the wedding, break up over guest list.

GREAT DISTRESS: They get into a heated argument over not inviting Ely to the wedding, letting it all out, their opposing plans and obligations, plus over-the-top nasty remarks about each other’s lives, and call the wedding off.

ACT 3: Knowing they are in love, they try to work it out.

ELLIE’S WOUND: Though Ellie refuses to admit it, she is heart-broken over the breakup, which is a sore layer on top of her father abandonment wound.

JIM’S WOUND: Jim is also heart-broken over the breakup and impossibility of reconciling their differences. He mentions how he needs a stable marriage like his mother and father had to weather his future working for his uncle, but he can’t even think of marrying anyone else.

SURPRISE: Five months later Ellie is surprised to see Jim at the Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors in a turtle costume, and wanting to make up with her, and he’s surprised she also wants to make a go of it. This time take it slowly, wedding end of January.

ELLIE’S SACRIFICE: Ellie is giving up promoting eco causes and her commitment to Ely, and is planning to stand by her man Jim, but this has a negative impact on her persona, makes her listless, in more despair than at the start of the movie.

DISTRESS: Jim suffers emotionally over Ellie’s (and his) sacrifice.

TURNING POINT 3 (break up over differences 2):

JIM’S SACRIFICE: Jim breaks up with Ellie to set her free from HIS Faustian obligation to Fred.

COURAGE: Ellie gathers her strength and determination and gets back with Jim, saying she’ll make it work, and somehow get Fred to moderate his anti-environmental stance. SHE CONFRONTS FRED, revealing to him that she’s an eco-activist and his consultancy should get into eco-activities. Fred is polite, but sarcastic and doesn’t agree to change.

DISTRESS: Jim accepts Ellie back, but doesn’t really think she’ll be happy. In a role reversal he is now that one in despair over the future, as Ellie was up until this point.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: A severe freeze and power cut throughout Texas makes it impossible for them to wed.

DISTRESS: Because of the freeze and power cut, and because Rudy’s Marriage Barn is solidly booked, they will have to postpone their wedding until Spring. Since they’ve already gone through so many ups and downs, they fear they may not make it (esp Jim).

COURAGE: Against Jim’s judgment that if Ely and Fred are both at the wedding, it will blow up, Ellie goes and asks Ely to host the wedding in his barn — the only place with heat and light. And this after Ely had not been told they were getting married and that he was not invited, and knowing he is against her marrying Jim and against marriage in general, and furthermore she will not be honoring her commitment to live on his farm and help with his projects. Of course, he flies off the handle and it’s like pulling teeth to finally get him to agree. However she lacks the final ounce of courage to tell him Fred will be coming.

SURPRISE: Ely and Gecko (a genius, studying to be a climate scientist) surprise Fred and all there by explaining how the unusual, severe freeze is actually caused (enhanced) by global warming. Fred doesn’t accept, but he softens.

BETRAYAL/ANGER/WOUND: It’s not just ideological differences over environmental issues; Fred betrayed Ely decades ago, stealing his love, and that’s behind the outburst of anger between Ely and Fred that nearly derails the wedding, until Fred explains that the woman also left him and they make peace for the sake of their beloved niece Ellie and nephew Jim.

SURPRISE/BETRAYAL: It turns out Fred cheated his brother, Jim’s father, out of his inheritance decades ago to expand his business, thinking he would repay him, and it is Fred who owes Jim. Jim is not obligated to Fred and is free to pursue his own dream — which includes working with Ely on his alt energy farm. However, since Fred and Ely are getting into an agreement about developing Ely’s invention, Jim can still work for/with Fred as a liaison on Ely’s farm and work to develop the project.

IMPATIENCE/DISTRESS: As Fred and Ely go on & on about developing and marketing Ely’s invention, at first Ellie, Jim, and others are pleased, but as the minutes, then an hour ticks by and the energy is running out, they get worried, distressed, impatient, until Ellie and Jim interrupt and draw attention back to the wedding and are able to make their vows.

EXCITEMENT: Cells throughout the barn go off right after the vows, but before the grand kiss; the Sea Turtle Center is texting everyone to come help rescue cold-stunned turtles. All the guests and Ellie and Jim rush to the rescue.

LOVE: Jim and Ellie take a brief break from rescuing turtles, knee-deep in near freezing water, to have their grand kiss.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Reveals!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED I already had a lot of setups & reveals from previous lessons, but some reveals needed better setups. This lesson made me try to find better setup and reveals. Many setups/reveals here are fairly minor (some included for the humor due to it being a RomCom), but I include them for my future reference in writing the script. Also are the 3rd type (the setups give us hints so that it suddenly makes sense when the reveal shows up) and I need more of the 1st and/or 2nd type (these two oppose each other, shocking us, or the setups mislead us, creating a surprise). Another thing, some of my setups are simultaneously revealed to the audience, but not to the other character.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

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ACT 1: Ellie and Jim meet and are attracted to each other, issues regarding their uncles arise.

SETUP 1: Ellie doesn’t want rsomantic involvement; hint she despairs of eco-doom.

SETUP 2a: Ellie has some sort of relationship with Gecko.

SETUP 2b: Jim seems interested in a difficult sex conquest.

SETUP 3: The weather’s very hot for Spring, hints a global warming.

SETUP 4: Ellie doesn’t think she can set up a trip to the off-grid farm.

SETUP 5a: When a denialist raises the issue of the unusual Texas freeze several years ago (by way of denying global warming), this foreshadows the bitter freeze and power cut in the 4th Act, and the surprising argument that it is made more like because of global warming.

SETUP 6: Jim has education in alt energy and is very interested in the off-grid farm trip; Ellie is more interested in Jim because of that.

REVEAL 4: Ely hates people, is a very difficult person, had problems with last year’s off-grid farm trip, which is why Ellie thought she couldn’t convince him.

SETUP 7: Something must have happened to make Ely into a bitter recluse beyond last year’s trip.

SETUP 8: Ellie has a commitment to live with Ely and help with his projects after college.

REVEAL 6 & 8: Ellie may be interested in Jim because of her commitment to Ely and his project and thinks Jim can help.

SETUP 5b: When the same (or another) person raises the issue of the unusual Texas freeze and the host speaks of how they had to rescue 1000s of cold-stunned turtles, this foreshadows the final scene.

SETUP 1b: Gecko says that’s not why Ellie didn’t get involved with him, it’s another reason (mystery).

SETUP 9: Jim pockets a perfect blue shell.

INCITING INCIDENT (Cute-Meet): Jim and Ellie kiss, awakening her passion.

REVEAL 2 & 9: Jim finds out his pastor is Ellie’s Uncle Rudy, asks Ellie to be his shell, kisses her, asks her to pray; he considers her more than a sex conquest.

SETUP 9 continued: Ellie wonders if Jim needs some kind of protection, Jim doesn’t deny that.

REVEAL 1: Rudy mentions Ellie’s father abandonment (and father leaving mother), which seems to be at least one reason she doesn’t want involvement, doesn’t want to hurt others or be hurt, maybe also why she feels all is doomed.

REVEAL 6: It is becoming obvious that Ellie is attracted to Jim though she still denies it, but seems she has ulterior motives re him.

TURNING POINT 1 (Ellie’s Denial of Love):

SETUP 11: They talk in generalities about the future, but do not reveal their plans/obligations.

ACT 2 (overwhelming attraction): They go from “situationship” to “dating” to planning to marry.

SETUP 12a: Jim has some major obligation to Fred.

SETUP 12b: Jim says he loves the RG Valley and would like to live here after college, but– (interrupted by another call).

SETUP 13: Ely hates Fred Higson, but why?

SETUP 12b continued: Jim loves Ely’s farm, it’s his dream place.

REVEAL 12: Jim is obligated to work in Houston for Fred in his oil consultancy firm, but this is not revealed to Ellie.

REVEAL 13: Fred hates alt energy and environmentalism — maybe that’s why Ely hates him, but it seem there’s more.

SETUP 14: When Ellie broaches possibility of marrying Jim, Ely is against it, and against marriage, period.

SETUP 15: When Jim broaches the possibility of marrying, Fred is against marriage.

REVEAL 2b: Mack thought Jim was only after a sex conquest, but it doesn’t ring true to audience now, only to Ellie.

REVEAL 2a: Ellie is just a friend to Gecko (as stated in beginning), but Jim now thinks otherwise.

REVEAL 2a & 2b to each other: They clear up other man, other woman misunderstandings.

END OF ACT 2 – MIDPOINT (Break up over differences): Planning the wedding, break up over guest list.

REVEAL 8, 11, 12 played out: The break up over all their opposing plans and obligations revealed to each other, though the audience has known and worried about this incompatibility for many beats.

SETUP 16: Ely was an alcoholic and ruins weddings.

SETUP 17: Ellie expresses hatred for Fred’s business.

SETUP 18: Jim expresses disdain for environmentalism (tho he seemed to be in it earlier, maybe to please Ellie)

SETUP/REVEAL 1: Ellie may suffer a wound from father abandonment.

ACT 3: Knowing they are in love, they try to work it out.

REVEAL 1: Ellie suffers a wound from father abandonment.

SETUP 19: Luz gets some idea re Ellie saying turtles going extinct, especially male turtles.

REVEAL 19: Someone, probably Luz, is spreading a rumor about CC making men go extinct.

REVEAL 19: Someone, probably Luz, is spreading a rumor about CC making men go extinct.

REVEAL 18: Jim in his turtle costume and participation in the event assures Ellie he does not have disdain for environmentalism or the turtles… or her.

REVEAL 19: It was Luz who spread the rumor about CC making men go extinct.

REVEAL 17: Ellie is trying hard not to express her hatred for Fred’s business.

REVEAL 1: Ellie’s father abandonment wound underlies her eco-despair, but makes her open now to risking marriage and fate in Houston and with denialist Fred in her life — the very type of thing she feared the most — since she’s had to “weather” her wound all her life and this has strengthened her.

SETUP 20: Jim feels more than ever he needs to change Fred. Ellie is wondering how that can happen. They both think it’s hopeless.

REVEAL 8, 11, 12 played out differently 1: RE Ellie and Jim’s opposing plans/obligations Ellie now understands and accepts Jim’s obligation and the problem with Ely and is maturing to take on a more complex role of being helpful and supportive to Jim, being his shell.

TURNING POINT 3 (break up over differences 2):

REVEAL 8, 11, 12 played out differently 2: RE Ellie and Jim’s opposing plans/obligations Jim thinks he’s harming Ellie, gutting her dreams and plans by bringing her into his constrained and controlled world, figures it’s HIS Faustian deal with Fred, not hers, so he wants to free her and backs out of getting married.

REVEAL 8, 11, 12 played out differently 3: RE Ellie and Jim’s opposing plans/obligations Ellie comes back strong saying she will make it work — both their plans/obligations and life pursuits — or die trying.

REVEAL 17: Ellie tells Fred her disdain for his business in a reasonable way and suggests it become more eco-friendly.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: A severe freeze and power cut throughout Texas makes it impossible for them to wed.

REVEAL 8 to Ely: Ellie lets Ely know she won’t be living with him after marriage, but will do what she can to help and that Jim is also on board. They’ll come frequently for long visits.

SETUP 21: Guests’ cell phones get charged up.

SETUP 21: Guests’ cell phones get charged up.

REVEAL 3 & 5: The severe freeze is due to global warming.

REVEAL 16: Ely, along with Fred, is ruining this wedding, but not due to being drunk.

REVEAL 7, 12, 13, 14, 15: Ely is not only against Fred because he’s anti-environment, but mainly because Fred stole his love, and that’s why Ely is also against marriage and was an alcoholic. And Fred is also against marriage because she left him too.

REVEAL 12: Jim owes Fred nothing and is free to pursue his own dreams.

REVEAL 8 & 12: Jim and Ellie will be able to fulfill commitments/obligations to both uncles.

RESOLUTION (reuniting in love): Ely overcomes his bitterness and forgives Fred. Both uncles bless the wedding, and the couple can now happily marry.

REVEAL 20: Cell phones interrupt the wedding after vows but before kiss with call to duty to the turtles.

REVEAL 5b: the turtles are cold-stunned and all must go out to rescue them.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Character Action Tracks!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED from Mastery Session 10 Basic Plotting that I did previous assignment wrong. Here I reduce most beats to one sentence. This makes me see I need to conceive of beats as scenes with possible settings for the action. I’d done that for the beginning scenes and a few others, but I have now converted a bunch of non-scenes into scenes because action needs a place. Also it find it difficult putting action in this RomCom, but I have THE PROPOSAL to tell me RomComs can and do have action besides the lovey-dovey stuff. Also I’m including paralanguage and kinesics (e.g., expressions), but not dialogue here, since these are important “actions” in RomComs. I STILL NEED MORE AND BETTER ACTION and will be looking for it hereafter.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

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PROTAG 1 – ELLIE’S ACTION TRACK

ACT 1: Ellie and Jim meet and are attracted to each other, issues regarding their uncles arise.

BEAT 1: Ellie and friend Luz are putting up Turtle Trip posters on McGee University campus as Jim and friend Mack follow, checking out the babes. Ellie and Luz confront them, but Jim expressed interest in the trip and asks Ellie to present to his class.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie puts up Turtle Trip posters, walking, looking for other places. She’s all-business serious despite lively Luz trying to draw her out, but she seems hopeless; She turns and confronts the boys following her, but relents when Jim expresses interest in the trip & asks her to tell class about it; she’s attracted to his heart-melting smile, can’t help smiling back (her 1^st smile in the movie). Worried/afraid to talk to his class.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim and Mack are attracted to the “babes,” follow/listen to them. Jim has heart-melting, engaging smile. Shows serious interest when girls speak of trip to off-grid farm. When confronted Jim turns businesslike in expressing interest in Turtle Trip, but his smile is back in reassuring Ellie when he gets her to come to his class.

BEAT 2: Ellie presents about the Turtle Trip to Jim’s class and receives anti-environmental and climate denial flack, then Jim consoles her afterwards.

After class Ellie is shaken, Jim consoles her, expresses interest in her Uncle Ely’s off-grid farm.

Ellie’s Action Track: Stands in front of class presenting, gets flustered when attacked, tries to parry, but closes down.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim is surprised and upset by flack against Ellie and environment, defends environmentalism.

BEAT 3: After the presentation Jim takes Ellie outside to a private spot and consoles her, says he’s interested in the off-grid farm trip and reveals he has a BS in Engineering & is working on his MBA.

Ellie’s Action Track: At first she melts down in anger/frustration/near-tears revealing problems with the club and environmental activism on campus/elsewhere, despairs about doom, but calms with Jim’s consolation, engaging smile, and takes positive interest in his alt energy interest and education.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim herds Ellie into a private spot and consoles her, then a more private spot as students pass by, shifting focus to him, his education and interest in the off-grid farm trip. Shifts between eyeing other students passing, staring (protective of Ellie) and smiling at Ellie (coaxing her consolation).

BEST 4: Ellie goes to Great-uncle Ely’s weird off-grid farm, convinces him to host the Environmental Club’s visit there, which he’s firmly against because of them trashing it last year.

Ellie’s Action Track: walking thru grove of small weird wind generators up to Ely, who’s ignoring her, jogging on a human hamster wheel generator near the barn. Begs him from below to allow club trip. Gets frustrated and shouts. When he gets off, he asks her to run on it to help charge up is new battery, which she does while pleading with him. When he goes into the barn, she gets off and follows.

Ely’s Action Track: Ely sees Ellie coming and gets on his human hamster wheel generator & ignores her when she pleads with him. Then he gets off, make her get on. Then he goes into the barn.

BEAT 5: Shots of the Sea Turtle Rescue Center visit, with a presentation about harms to the turtles.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie shines leading the group (mostly MOS) thru turtle exhibits. She and others do various turtle pantomiming. During the outside amphitheater presentation, she has to stand up mid-section and shout at rowdy others to be quiet while speaker speaks.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim is enthralled by the turtles and worried about injured ones (mostly MOS). He tries to sit next to Ellie in the amphitheater, but others crowd in first. He gets one to move away as Ellie is turned aside talking to someone. When she turns toward him he gives engaging smile and she give him a brief smile, then looks away a bit shyly. When Jim makes a good comment she looks over at him with a wondering gaze.

BEAT 6: During the beach clean-up Jim talks to Gecko about why Ellie didn’t get involved with Gecko, and he pockets a shell, finds out his Pastor Rudy is Ellie’s uncle.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie guides others in cleaning up, using a simple megaphone. When it is very clean, she remembers the Scouts are coming next day to clean up, and guides them to put a few things back above the high tide line. Then herds the others to arrange the party while Jim hangs back with Gecko. She looks back at Jim with a flicker of interest.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim walks beside Gecko asking about Gecko’s relationship with Ellie as Gecko collects shells, dodging the tide. Jim is astonished to discover his Pastor Rudy is Ellie’s uncle. Jim spots a few shells, then settles on a perfect blue scallop, which he pockets.

INCITING INCIDENT (Cute-Meet): Jim and Ellie kiss, awakening her passion.

BEAT 7: During beach party Jim and Ellie wander down the beach and up to the Jesus statue where Jim humorously asks Ellie “be his shell” and she wonders humorously why he’d need her protection, then he kisses her, she responds, and they pray for the environment.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie sits pensively, distracted near the beach fire as others dance wildly to boisterous boombox music (and Gecko arranging his shells). When Jim asks her to walk with him down the beach, she goes far down the beach, hikes up a steep incline to the base of a huge statue. They talk, he gives her the shell, then he kisses her and she responds with passion that shocks her, then demurs looking up at the huge Jesus statue above them.

Jim’s Action Track: Some girl wants to dance with Jim, but he politely declines then gets Ellie to wander down the beach with him, where he offers the shell to her, then kisses her, then gets her to pray with him.

BEAT 8: Ellie visits her Rev. Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn (wedding venue and church) to do a story for the college newspaper and when Rudy asks why she hasn’t been to church since her mother died. Rudy detects she’s in love, which she refuses, but he offers to do her wedding at cost when she’s ready.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie helps Rudy put up decorations for a “May Flowers” themed wedding as she interviews him about his wedding venue. She seems wistful and distracted, in contrast to her previous down-to-business persona. She gets defensive when he suspects she’s in love.

BEAT 9: Ellie avoids Jim on campus until he seeks her out at an Environmental Club meeting in a small Student Union Conference Room, then she makes excuses why she hasn’t time to date him, but wants him as club member and to visit Ely’s farm.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie takes a detour when she sees Jim on campus. At the club meeting she shows slides of ??. Jim arrives; she tries to hide her interest in him, shying from his spotlight attention on her. After the meeting she tries to escape him, but he detains her. She struggles to control her feelings for him and become businesslike, nervously fumbles, drops something, shies from his intense gaze as he stupes down to get it for her. She politely works to evade him.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim tries to find Ellie on campus, then head to the Env Club meeting where he finds her — can’t keep his burning gaze off her. He tries to detain/block her after but she squeezes past and heads off to a class.

TURNING POINT 1 (Ellie’s Denial of Love):

BEAT 10: Meeting for lunch in the cafeteria Jim wants a more committed relationship and Ellie agrees to a non-commitment “situationship,” then they talk about future plans, hedging about bringing the other into their plans, but not revealing those exact plans. Maybe Mack drops by to ask if Jim’s become a vegan yet.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie picks out her vegan lunch items, sits at an empty table. She puts on polite, businesslike demeanor as she talks with Jim regarding their relationship. After lunch (after she agrees to a “situationship”) they leave together a couple now. ?? Various people come and interrupt them at lunch at key points.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim sees Ellie, follows her into the cafeteria, gets in line 2 students behind her, picks out non-vegan items, then goes and sits beside her. Matches her persona with a businesslike proposition, but smiles broadly when they leave as a couple. After splitting to go to classes, Mack come and asks if he’s reached summit on Mt Everest yet with Ellie (= sex conquest), irritating Jim.

ACT 2 (overwhelming attraction): They go from “situationship” to “dating” to planning to marry.

BEAT 11: While with Ellie at her apt Jim receives a call from his mother reminding him he needs to come home for summer and work for Fred, but Jim argues with her saying he’s taking a summer course, then tells Ellie he wants to be with her.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie cooks dinner for Jim, curious about the call, a bit concerned though enthralled that he has a loving mother. After dinner Jim wants to stay & make love, but Ellie says she has a test tomorrow, so they kiss and say good night.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim humorously evades letting Ellie know all that’s being said. Maybe he steps outside or turns away saying he we’ll talk about it later? Then he skillfully turns conversation to talking about his and her parents, helps Ellie take the dishes to the tiny dining table. During dinner he speaks of his uncle’s upcoming visit.

BEAT 12: Ellie takes the club to Ely’s farm and Ely explodes when he hears Jim’s last name “Higson.” Jim says he’s not Fred’s son, and Ely explains how Fred and he were engineering students decades ago and had issues.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie helps Ely in giving the club a tour of the farm, showing them how to run the hamster wheel, glad Jim is into the inventions, then in total awe when she and others see the huge “monolith” battery in the silo, a bit worried when Ely gruffly refuses to let them see what’s in the tack room. She gets embarrassed and upset when Ely burst out in anger. Although Jim defuses it, Ellie is deflated. She manages to distract Ely to get off of Jim.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim is bonkers over the inventions, then is taken aback when Ely bursts out in anger, shaken but quick to defuse and charm with his smile.

Ely’s Action Track: Ely is gruff, but somewhat cordial, proud when visitors go gaga over his inventions. Shows the inventions, explains. He gruffly refuses to tell them or let them see what’s in his tack room, then gives a Power Point presentation in his huge barn. Suspects Ellie is gone on Jim. Bursts out in ugly anger when he hears Jim’s last name, Higson. Doesn’t quite recover calm when Jim assures him he’s not Fred’s son. Ely is suspicious Ellie is in love with Jim and fears Jim will take her away (deeper layer).

BEAT 13: Uncle Fred comes to campus for a reception to honor him (for funding the College of Engineering) with Jim as his guest; after they’re alone he lambasts him for staying in college too long and not coming to work for him in Houston in his Oil Engineering Consultancy.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim is attentive to his uncle during the reception, engaging in staged smiles & chatter, even with Fred’s innuendos against him, then is brought down low by Fred’s open attack as Jim drives him to his hotel and gets out in the parking lot.

BEAT 14: After dinner, watching TV in Ellie’s apt when Jim starts kissing Ellie, Luz bursts in, saying she and Javi are getting married in a month and she’ll be moving out, then suggests Ellie and Jim get married.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie is responding to Jim’s lovemaking until Luz bursts in and is taken aback by what Luz suggests, look like she wants to object to Jim classifying it as a situationship, and is really worried about Jim leaving for summer.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim recovers, stands up, informs Luz they are just in a situationship, and besides his mother wants him home in Houston for the summer.

BEAT 15: Ellie tells Ely she if she marries Jim his engineering and business background Jim could really help with Ely’s alt energy projects, but Ely strongly opposes the idea.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie searches the farm and finds Ely working in the tack room with contraptions, then brings up how marrying Jim might be good for Ely’s farm and project, not able to get him to agree.

Ely’s Action Track: Ely’s taken by surprise by Ellie, explains the contraptions are a hydrogen electrolyzer and generator. He closes up, goes to feed his goats, then his chickens as he talks to Ellie (she helps), at first refusing to discuss Jim, then he’s against her marrying him, then against marriage, and finally that he’s worried Jim will take her away.

BEAT 16: Jim tells Uncle Fred he might get married and wants his help, but Fred refuses and expresses disdain for marriage.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim is walking across campus on his cell excited about maybe marrying Ellie, but deflates when Fred tells him no help from Fred. MORE ACTION??

BEAT 17: After church Jim talks to Rev. Rudy about marrying Ellie, and he’s very pleased, assures him he will help out.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim is in the Marriage Barn (church mode) and helps Rev. Rudy put away the hymnals, etc, and reconfigure for a wedding, speaking as he does about possibly marrying Ellie. He’s buoyed up by Rudy’s positive response and offer to help and throws up a bouquet of flowers ??. MORE/DIFFERENT ACTION??

BEAT 18: Ellie overhears Mack talk to Jim about Jim wanting Ellie as a sex conquest, and Jim has to later assure her that’s not true.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie is walking across campus when she heard Mack say that and is extremely angered and crushed. She later turns away from Jim in anger.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim doesn’t understand what happened.

BEAT 19: Jim sees Ellie talking to Gecko, arouses his suspicion, which Ellie has to later clear up.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie is in the cafeteria with Gecko consoling/advising him, leaning in closely due to confidentiality.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim sees them and worries Ellie is splitting from him and going with Gecko.

BEAT 20: Jim bursts into Ellie’s apt and confronts her about Gecko, she confronts him about what Mack said, and they clear it up, come together strong without revealing their opposing obligations and decide to marry.

Ellie’s Action Track: Angry at Jim, then okay, then hooked on marrying him. She’s in his face angry, then at a distance cooling off (she goes to fix him some coffee or ??), then they come together and tearfully embrace.

Jim’s Action Track: Upset with Ellie splitting off while admitting it was only a situationship, but that he felt something a lot stronger and even talked to Rudy about marriage. He in her face upset, then at a distance cooling off (she goes to fix him some coffee or ??), then they come together and tearfully embrace ignoring what she fixed for him.

END OF ACT 2 – MIDPOINT (Break up over differences): Planning the wedding, break up over guest list.

BEAT 21: Ellie and Jim go to Uncle Rev. Rudy’s Marriage Barn to plan a wedding and explode over Rudy and Jim not wanting to invite Ely (he’d ruin it), and they call the wedding off.

Ellie & Jim’s Action Track: Ellie’s into Jim as they approach Rudy to discuss the financial feasibility of getting married soo. When it comes to figuring the guest list Rudy suggests they not invite Uncle Ely (his uncle, Ellie’s great-uncle) because he’d spoil it like he did for his own wedding and for her mother’s wedding. When Jim agrees because it seems Ely hates Fred, Ellie angrily suggests not inviting Fred. In anger they then REVEAL their opposing plans and obligations and call off the wedding. JIM STORMS OUT, Ellie bursts out crying.

ACT 3: Knowing they are in love, they try to work it out.

BEAT 22: Ellie in her apt with Luz feels justified that marriage doomed (she suffers from father abandonment) and thinks she can go back to square one — activism without romance.

Ellie’s Action Track: Luz is packing to move in with Javi. Ellie is even more bereft. She speaks as Luz packs and they split up their items. Ellie bursts out crying, Luz talks about plenty of turtle in the sea; Ellie, but they’re going extinct, esp the males. Ellie cries harder. Luz considers, agrees (some lightbulb moment ??).

BEAT 23: At the end of a nervous wreck Env Club meeting all leave as Ellie packs up, but Gecko hangs back, asks where’s Jim. She tells him they called off their wedding.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie wants Gecko’s consolation but with autism, he can’t give it, but he’s confused since she told him she’s not into marriage. She ends up consoling Gecko after letting him know she doesn’t want to marry him. She leaves while Gecko dawdles writing math formulas on the white board.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim arrives after all have left except Gecko, thinking the meeting was in this later time slot. They talk, Jim is distraught. ? ACTION ?

BEAT 24: Jim with Mack at Jim & Mack’s apt is heart-broken that it didn’t work out and doesn’t think there will be another woman for him, despite Mack’s promptings.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim is packing to head home to Houston for the summer (after finals in a few days) as he talks to Mack.

BEAT 25: During the Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors Ellie and Jim get back together and decide to take it slowly this time, wedding at end of January.

Ellie and Jim’s Action Track: Shots of Ellie seeing Jim on campus Fall semester, avoiding, cordial smiles, wistful smiles/ greetings as 2 months go by, then Jim shows up for the club’s Halloween event and tells Ellie he can’t live without her. They decide to give it another try, Ellie to go to Houston for Xmas and meet his mother & Fred. MORE ACTION HERE ??

BEAT 26: They go to Houston for Xmas to Jim’s mom’s home where Jim introduces Ellie to his Uncle Fred and tries to make them like each other, with Ellie being careful not to let anti-environmentalist Fred know she’s an eco-activist. Ellie loves Jim’s mom, and does or says something positive for Fred that affects him for later change.

Ellie’s Action Track: warms to Jim’s Peruvian mother right away, but struggles to interact with Fred, suppressing her eco-activism, etc., playing the home-maker type who knows nothing about business, escapes into the kitchen to help the mom.

Jim’s Action Track: keen to get Fred to accept Ellie. Makes drinks for all.

BEAT 27: Ellie loses her zest for life as she tours the Higson Petroleum Engineering Consultancy, so Jim takes her to the Butterfly Museum (she’s delighted), then to Galveston, where she sees hurricane-ready homes on pylons — making her eco-concerns resurface.

Ellie and Jim’s Action Track: As Fred leads Ellie and Jim through his consultancy, Ellie struggles to show interest but is disgusted. Jim explains to Fred that Ellie has a stomach problem that’s affecting her. He then takes Ellie to the butterfly museum (shots) where Ellie revives, then to Galveston, where she sees hurricane-ready homes on pylons — making her eco-concerns resurface.

BEAT 28: At Jim’s mom’s home Jim tries to convince Ellie and himself that she can pursue her goals and he can change Fred, get him into alt energy, but they both know Fred is impossible to change. Ellie is willing to sacrifice for Jim.

Ellie’s Action Track: They are decorating the Xmas tree and putting up decorations, mom tells Ellie about Jim’s dad, an alcoholic who died in debt, but she loved him. Ellie is appalled at Jim getting drunk, worried, but covering in front of his mother. Mother takes her into the kitchen and advises that you don’t marry to change someone, you have to accept them as they are. Ellie agrees.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim is getting drunk, sounding like a used car salesman trying to convince Ellie, pacing around the room. He stumbles and falls into her lap with a silly smile. Then straightening up, admits it’s a farce.

BEAT 29: Walking in Buffalo Bayou Park they make wedding plans and agree not to tell or invite Ely.

Ellie’s Action Track: They are jogging in flutters of snowflakes, can’t wait to get back to the warm Rio Grande Valley. He stops her and they discuss marriage

Jim’s Action Track: Jim feels terrible about not inviting Ely but realizes that’s the only option.

TURNING POINT 3 (break up over differences 2):

BEAT 30: At mom’s house, mom away shopping, into heavy love-making, Jim decides to back out of the relationship, because he loves Ellie too much to have her sacrifice her goals and commitment. He leaves, goes to Fred’s office and tells Fred, who saddens, since he now likes Ellie.

Ellie’s Action Track: Jim withdraws from love-making, Ellie is stunned by his decision, crushed. NEED ACTION HERE.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim tells Ellie he’s backing out, stiffens, leaves the house & goes to Fred’s office & tells him.

BEAT 31: At Jim’s mom’s house Christmas day, Ellie regains resolve, pursues Jim. Says she’ll find a way to pursue her eco-activism, do what is right. Jim acquiesces, but is worried about Ellie’s well-being. Fred comes for dinner.

Ellie’s Action Track: She then tells Jim he has to marry her or she’ll get out her shotgun, then convinces him she’ll be fine. They open presents, now joyfully, then Fred comes with presents for all. They have dinner while Ellie now tells Fred she an eco-activist and thinks he should work a bit more on making his projects more energy efficient and conservative if she to agree to marry Jim. Fred drops his fork, but quietly says he knew all along, then “If it saves our clients money.”

Jim’s Action Track: Jim agrees to the marriage, but is still worried about Ellie, then shocked when she confronts Fred.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: A severe freeze and power cut throughout Texas makes it impossible for them to wed.

BEAT 32: Jim with arm around Ellie, as they walk across campus in freezing weather, steps into the cafeteria, then the lights go off the college shuts down. Ellie with Jim and Jen back in her apt frantically calls Rudy, who tells that the Marriage Barn lacks power and it’s booked until mid-summer. Ellie bucks up and says they’ll have the wedding in Ely’s barn. Jim in a role reversal has lost hope and is in despair, horrified Ely and Fred would blow up the whole thing, IF Ely even agrees.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie and Jim huddle together in her apartment, her new roommate Jen with them (a club member in earlier scenes), drink cold coffee it’s hot chocolate. They call Rudy, his power is down and if it doesn’t come back within 5 days he’ll have to cancel their wedding until Spring. Ellie tells Jim they’ll have it at Ely’s, but has a hard time convincing him.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim is now the one hopeless and in despair, caves to Ellie’s idea of having the wedding at Ely’s.

BEAT 33: Ellie at farm (only place with heat & lights) has a tough time getting Ely to allow the wedding in his barn; she doesn’t mention Fred will be coming.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie finds Ely in his warm and well-lit house cooking a hot meal. Ellie plugs in her cell and pitches in and helps cook, telling him she’s marrying Jim. Over dinner she tries to convince him to allow the wedding in his barn. She gets in her car with no success when he acquiesces.

Ely’s Action Track: Ely gruffly acknowledges/ignores her, since she didn’t come stay with him for Xmas. Still against her marrying Jim, totally upset he wasn’t invited, but as she leaves he agrees to host it, saying he always hates to see her leave, getting emotional. But he can only host 25 people and that’s final.

BEAT 34: Back in Ellie’s apt Jim (now hopeless, in despair) finally agrees to shifting the wedding venue to Ely’s. They now call guests, disinviting some, telling other about the change — Ellie, Jim, and Jen on their cells.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie is animated announcing it’s on for Ely’s barn. Brings them hot food and coffee from the farm.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim refuses, then at last agrees, triggering a barrage of cell calls to guests.

BEAT 35: Ellie and guests arrive at the farm early morning with supplies, get busy cleaning and decorating Ely’s real barn. Jim, Ely, Gecko and others set up the energy system required to keep all warm and the lights on.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie arrives at farm with Jim, Jen, Gecko, Luz, and Javi in Javi’s van. Other cars arrive. All rush to plug in their cell phone, vying for slots, then take out supplies and start working to set things up. Ellie with women goes to kitchen to prepare a hot meal.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim and Gecko go with Ely to set up the energy system required to keep all warm and lights on.

Ely’s Action Track: Ely is gruff with Jim but takes to Gecko as he pitches in setting things up.

BEAT 36: When Fred arrives in the afternoon with Jim’s mother he and Ely try to be polite, then Fred snorts that the freeze disproves global warming. Ely explains that such freezes are made more likely due to the warming with Gecko chiming in. Fred feels ganged upon.

Ellie’s Action Track: tries to get Fred and Ely together to resolve their problem, against Jim’s efforts.

Jim’s Action Track: totally worried, tries to steer Fred away from Ely

Ely’s Action Track: struggles to be polite to Fred, then tries calmly to explain that such freezes are made more likely, enhanced Rossby waves, etc, but Fred doesn’t buy it; Ely is taken away by Jim re some issue with the energy system.

BEAT 37: There’s a big blow up between the two uncles, Ellie soft-talking Fred and Jim siding with Ely re alt energy, until Fred finally agrees about it’s benefits.

Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie takes Fred aside and soft-talks him.

Jim’s Action Track: Jim throws support for Ely’s money-saving, eco-saving alt energy projects.

Ely’s Action Track: Ely blows up at Fred for his anti-environment stance, which devolved into a big REVEAL that Fred stole the love of his life away from him.

BEAT 38: Fred gets intrigued by Ely’s inventions, thinking they could make good money off them… This discussion goes on and on as the battery power is being used up threatening to derail the wedding, until Rudy, Jim, and Ellie intervene and draw the focus back on the wedding.

Ellie and Jim’s Action Track: Ellie and Jim are pleased with the resolution but now worried about their wedding being done before the power runs out. They follow the uncles out, leaving guest seated for the vows, and listen, hesitating to interrupting their ideas and planning. Jim looks at the power gauge, which is getting low.

Ely’s Action Track: After Fred shows remorse and explains the woman divorced him within 2 years and happily married someone else, Ely calms down, and when Fred shows interest in Ely’s projects they walk out of the barn and get to talking about commercializing one and making good money.

RESOLUTION (reuniting in love): Ely overcomes his bitterness and forgives Fred. Both uncles bless the wedding, and the couple can now happily marry.

BEAT 39: Ellie and Jim make their vows in a sweet ceremony (sort of like the Xmas nativity scene). But before their grand kiss cell phones beep text messages among all present. The Sea Turtle Rescue Center is calling everyone to come save the 1000s of cold-stunned turtles. They all rush out, including Ellie, Jim, Ely and Fred.

Ellie and Jim’s Action Track: They finally interrupt the uncles and bring them back into the barn, then take their place at the bale-stack “altar” and take their vows. However, before the grand wedding kiss, cell phones go off with messages, and the guest all rush out & get in their cars leaving the couple at the altar, then the couple rushes out.

Ely’s Action Track: Ely realizes and worries about the energy going down, then he and Fred rush to help the wedding proceed. Ely gushes over how he always thought Jim would be the ideal husband for Ellie.

BEAT 40: All are at the beach saving turtles, while Ely provides heat at the Center to help warm them.

Ellie and Jim’s Action Track: they are with the other guests and other locals rescuing turtles. They take a short break for their wedding kiss to the cheers of the guests.

Ely’s Action Track: Ely with Fred’s help sets up generators to give heat and light to the Center so the turtles can recover.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s New Outline Beats!

NOTE: I don’t know why some text appears in red. I didn’t do it.

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED the valuable lesson of going from start to finish and backwards over the beats, making sure to fill in plot potholes to create a logically and emotionally flowing script, tying later scenes to earlier references, hints, and intrigues. I still have more to do (note the blank beats). Also figuring the 40 beats suggested by Snyder’s Save the Cat!, I’ve tried to put in 10 slots for each act — some of them not yet filled, and some that may have to be cut or combined.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

==================================================================

KEY:

P1J = Protagonist 1 Journey (Ellie)

P2J = Protagonist 2 Journey (Jim)

AJ = Antagonist Journey (Ely)

GENRE: ROM-COM

ACT 1: Ellie and Jim meet and are attracted to each other, issues regarding their uncles arise.

OPENING IMAGE: A poster for a trip to the Sea Turtle Rescue Center. Ellie’s putting it up.

Ellie P1J 1: Ellie wants to devote her life to saving the Earth and doesn’t want romantic involvement; she accepts to talk about the Turtle Trip to Jim’s class, she implies difficulty in arranging a trip to an off-grid farm.

Deeper Layer: She suffers from father abandonment wound and figures marriage is a doomed enterprise; she fears talking to the class, because she thinks eco-actions are doomed to failure; and she doesn’t think her Great-uncle Ely will allow the visit to his farm.

Jim P2J 1: Jim seems to be a carefree college playboy, attracted to Ellie, though he expresses interest in the Turtle Trip, but is definitely into the Off-Grid Farm trip; he invites her to his Business and Environment class to tell about the Turtle Trip and Env Club.

Deeper Layer: Jim suffers from his father’s death and being beholden to his uncle’s financial support, obligated to work for him after college; while he appears a playboy, he really wants to establish his own solid marriage and family, and someone to help him “weather” his uncle. Ellie might be a good prospect.

Ellie P1J 2: Ellie presents about the Turtle Trip to Jim’s class and receives anti-environmental and climate denial flack, including mention of the severe Texas freeze 5 years ago disproving global warming. They say the Env Club was disbanded; Ellie tells them no, that she and others kept it going.

Jim P2J 2: Jim defends Ellie.

Ellie P1J 3: After class Ellie is shaken, but finds Jim increasingly appealing. She doubts she can convince Ely to allow the off-grid farm trip after what happened the previous year.

Jim P2J 3: Jim consoles her, reveals he’s an MBA student with a BS in Engineering, interested in alt energy and the trip to her Uncle Ely’s off-grid farm.

Ely AJ 1: Ely Perez is all about developing alt energy to help save the Earth, and hates people because they are not into that enough. He reluctantly agrees to her club’s visit, but gets her to be more committed to helping him, letting her know he’s earning good money off of some of his inventions and can pay her.

Deeper Layer: Ely suffers his love Sarah leaving him for Fred, thinking it was because Fred looked more economically promising in his oil consultancy than he did pursuing (what Fred called) pie-in-the-sky alt energy pipedreams. He has become a bitter and lonely old man. Ellie is the only one who gets along with him. And he wants her with him as a daughter and to take over when he passes (not ideal, since she is a journalism major, not into alt energy engineering).

Ellie P1J & Turtle Center visitors: Shots of the Sea Turtle Rescue Center visit, then a presentation that includes mention of how global warming is endangering the turtles, including causing more turtles to be born female, males in sharp decline. A denialist (maybe from class presentation) brings up the past Texas freeze. The host talks about cold-stunned turtle & how they had to call on the community to help rescue them.

Deeper Layer: Denialist argues against global warming.

Jim P2J 4: During the beach clean up Jim spots Gecko collecting shells and organizing them. Jim figures Gecko (Ellie’s “other man”) is autistic (aspergers) and that’s why Ellie didn’t get involved with him; Gecko says that’s not the reason, that she’s not into marriage at all. Jim also finds out that Ellie is the niece of his church’s pastor, Rev. Rudy Perez, and he is even more into her now. Jim picks up a perfect blue scallop shell and pockets it.

Deeper Layer: Jim attends Rudy’s church.

INCITING INCIDENT (Cute-Meet): Jim and Ellie kiss, awakening her passion.

Ellie P1J 5: After humorously agreeing to “be his shell” (but making it clear she’s not into relationships) Jim kisses her and she responds. She is even more into him when he asks her to pray with him, admitting she hasn’t prayed in a long time and doesn’t go to church anymore. They find out they are both non-denominational Christians.

Jim P2J 5: Jim humorously asks Ellie to be his “shell” and she humorously wonders why he needs her protection; he more seriously says he does. They kiss, and after he asks her to pray and they talk about religion.

Deeper Layer: Jim needs protection against his Uncle Fred. The shell Jim gives Ellie when he asks her to “be his shell” is not only a symbol of protection but also a symbol of commitment.

Ellie P1J 6: Ellie visits her Uncle Rudy’s (mother’s brother’s) Marriage Barn — a non-denominational church on Sundays, a marriage venue other times. She’s doing a story on it for the college paper. When Rudy asks why she hasn’t been to church since her mother died 3 years ago, she says they’re all hypocrites. Rudy says he’s change, become more environmentally friendly re God’s creation. He detects she’s in love, which she refuses, but he offers to do her wedding at cost when she’s ready. She says marriage is useless, doomed to failure. Rudy says that just because her father left when she was six, but that his own marriage is very successful, though it requires a lot of commitment, adjustments, and sacrifice.

Ellie P1J 7: Ellie avoids Jim on campus, then makes excuses why she has no time to date him, but does want him as club member and to visit Ely’s farm. She is finding Jim more and more attractive as she sees his sincerity re env projects and alt energy.

Jim P2J 6: Jim seeks her out, goes to the Env Club meeting, tries to get her to date him.

Deeper Layer: She has a sinking feeling she is doomed to get involved and abandoned as her mother was, no matter what Rudy or Jim tell her.

OR ELLIE P1J 7 IS MERGED WITH PIJ8 & JIM P2J6 WITH P2J7, if it’s getting too long.

TURNING POINT 1 (Ellie’s Denial of Love):

Jim P2J 7: Jim becomes impatient and says he wants a more committed relationships and doesn’t want her dating others. He brings up the humorous rumor that global warming will make men extinct, so she’d better grab him now.

Ellie P1J 8: Ellie assures him there are no others, says she cannot fall in love with anyone, but finally agrees to a “situationship.” Ellie wonders where that rumor came from, says it’s ridiculous, that GW impacts women more negatively.

Jim P2J 8: While with friend Mack Jim receives a call from his Uncle Fred, who lambasts him for staying in college too long, taking nonsense courses like Bus & Env, and not coming to work for him in Houston in his Oil Engineering Consultancy. Mack asks if he’s reached summit on Mt Everest yet with Ellie (= sex conquest), irritating Jim.

Deeper Layer: Mack has assumed all along Jim is just after Ellie as a difficult sex challenge, and Jim doesn’t make it clear that he’s serious about Ellie.

Ellie P1J 9 & Jim P2J 9: Ellie and Jim talk about future plans, hedging about bringing the other into their plans, but not revealing those exact plans.

Deeper Layer: Jim is afraid Ellie will be turned off if she finds out about his obligation to Fred. Ellie is not telling Jim about her commitment to Ely, afraid that might turn him off.

ACT 2 (overwhelming attraction): They go from “situationship” to “dating” to planning to marry.

Ellie P1J 10: Ellie takes the club and Jim to Ely’s farm with weird wind generators, solar configurations, etc.

Jim P2J 10: Jim is into the alt energy projects, has to cover up his relationship to Fred Higson.

Ely AJ 2: Ely tries polite, but explodes when he hears Jim’s last name “Higson.” Jim cools him down, claiming he’s not Fred’s son. Ely explains how Fred and he were engineering students decades ago and had issues. Ely is suspicious that Ellie is in love with Jim.

Deeper Layer: Ely is afraid Jim will take Ellie away from him.

Reveal: Ely hates Fred Higson, Jim’s uncle. This portends badly for Ellie and Jim’s relationship.

Jim P2J 11: While with Ellie Jim receives another call from Fred and has to skillfully/humorously evade letting Ellie know what’s being said (or Jim talks to his mother, who scolds him about his obligation to Fred). Jim lets Ellie know his mother is of Peruvian descent.

Ellie P1J 11: Ellie is curious/concerned about the conversation, but Jim reassures her it’s nothing.

Reveal: Jim is also half Latinx, like Ellie.

Deeper Layer: They are compatible in terms of both being half Latinx.

Ellie P1J 12: They talk about marriage, but Ellie wants more reassurance they are compatible, wants Jim to take some stupid online compatibility test.

Jim P2J 12: Jim reluctantly agrees, pointing out how compatible they are — same religion, into env issues, being half Latinx, etc.

Deeper Layer: This test will not get at their incompatible opposing future obligations.

Ellie P1J 13: Ellie mentions on the phone to Ely she might marry Jim, trying to convince him that would be a good thing, since Jim has the engineering and business background to really help with the project.

Ely AJ 3: Ely upset with the idea of Ellie marrying Jim, even though it might benefit his project. He says he was in love once to a fickle woman; it didn’t work out and he’s glad because he could devote his life to something important.

Deeper Layer: Ellie is still immature, not being asked or being willing to sacrifice, in that she is using Jim to fulfill her goals of working with Ely AND finding personal happiness, not really thinking about Jim’s life goals or needs. Ely is afraid he’ll lose Ellie if she marries, plus because of his own love wound he is against marriage — it’s doomed to failure.

Jim P2J 13: Jim passes Ellie’s compatibility test, then asks Ellie to go to church with him.

Ellie P1J14: Ellie refuses, but is pleased Jim is going to her Uncle Rudy’s church. Says she might consider going in the future, mentions The Marriage Barn, that if she were ever to marry, she’d want Uncle Rudy to officiate.

Reveal: Jim attends her Uncle Rudy’s church.

Deeper Layer: Now Jim is certain he wants to marry Ellie, and she is warming to the idea.

Jim P2J 14: Jim tells Fred he might get married & can Fred help with expenses, indicating that he needs someone the way his father and mother had a loving marriage. Fred disagrees (women are fickle, only cause problems), besides he’s against Jim rushing into it, unwilling to foot the bill.

Deeper Layer: Jim needs Ellie to help him “weather” working for Fred. He is still immature, wanting a loving relationship to help him, without much consideration for Ellie’s life goals. Fred has some emotional wound from a woman.

SOME OF THE FOLLOWING CAN BE COMBINED, CONDENSED, REARRANGED OR OMITTED if it’s getting too long

Ellie P1Jxx: Roommate Luz is moving out of their apt to marry Javi — June wedding. Luz tries to get Ellie to marry Jim; Luz says that college kids do it all the time & with GW making men extinct, need to grab one now. Ellie wonders how that rumor got started. Luz says that’s what they said about turtles. Ellie replies that making stuff up is not the way to get people on board mitigating GW, it turns people off instead.

Deeper Layer: Luz started it.

Ellie P1J xx: Overhears Mack talk to Jim about Jim wanting Ellie only as a sex conquests ?? Jim later assures her that’s not true.

Jim P2J xx: Sees Ellie talking to Gecko, arouses his suspicion, which Ellie has to later clear up. Maybe Gecko is talking about having a Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors next Halloween, like they did last year. Or talking about Gecko becoming a climate scientist, etc.

Ellie P1J xx: When Ellie talks to Ely (on phone or in person) about marrying Jim, he’s totally against it.

Jim P2J xx: When Jim talks to Rev. Rudy (in person) about marrying Ellie, he’s very pleased, assures him he will help out.

Ellie P1Jxx & Jim P2J xx: They come together strong, clear up misunderstanding (but do not reveal their opposing obligations) and decide to marry.

END OF ACT 2 – MIDPOINT (Break up over differences): Planning the wedding, break up over guest list.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: Ellie and Jim go to Uncle Rev. Rudy’s Marriage Barn to plan a wedding and explode over Rudy and Jim not wanting to invite Ely (he’d ruin it), and they call the wedding off.

Reveal: Ellie and Jim open up & find out about their opposing goals and obligations, which seem to make their marriage impossible.

Deeper Layer: Only problem is, they are now very much in love.

ACT 3: Knowing they are in love, they try to work it out.

Ellie P1J xx: Ellie feels justified in her prediction of marriage as doomed and thinks she can go back to square one — activism without romance. She’s with Luz or Gecko or both. If with Gecko, he’s confused since she told him she’s not into marriage at all. If with Luz, she breaks down and cries.

Deeper Layer: She is really in love with Jim.

Jim P2J xx: Jim is heart-broken that it didn’t work out. He’s unable to look around for another marriage prospect, despite others’ promptings.

Deeper Layer: Jim really loves Ellie, and she is the only one for him.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: During the Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors (in silly costumes, something about men going extinct) Ellie and Jim get back together and decide to take it slowly this time — a possible wedding at the end of January (3 months later) with the understanding we can back out if it doesn’t work out — and plan for both to visit Jim’s mom & Uncle Fred in Houston for Xmas break. Mentor Rudy: Marriage involves adjustment and sacrifice. Rudy says last Sat in Jan fine, but after that he’s booked solid until mid-summer (thanks to Ellie’s article in the paper).

Deeper Layer: Ellie hates big cities (why she didn’t consider Gecko, since his plan was to work in NYC), and she hates Jim having to work for Fred.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: They go to Houston for Xmas where Jim tries to warm her up to Fred and make a go of it. Ellie has to be careful with Fred, not letting him know she’s an eco-activist. Ellie loves Jim’s mom.

Ellie P1J xx: She starts losing her zest for life, but thinks it’s a sign of maturity.

Jim P2J xx: Jim, concerned about Ellie’s mental state, takes her to the Butterfly Museum (delighted), then Galvaston, where she sees hurricane-ready homes on pylons — making her eco-concerns resurface.

Deeper Layer: Ellie’s conflicted in denying her goals and needs to satisfy Jim’s obligation to Fred.

Deeper Layer: Jim knows this is tearing Ellie apart.

Jim P2J xx: Jim tries to convince Ellie and himself that she can pursue her goals and he can change Fred, get him into alt energy — which is the wave of the future (even of the present); it’s not only the eco-thing, but also the economic thing to do…. Or after several years he can find a way to pay Fred back and get out of the obligation.

Ellie P1J xx: Ellie strives to be positive.

Deeper Layer: They both know Fred is impossible to change. Ellie is willing to sacrifice for Jim.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: Making wedding plans, they decide not to tell or invite Ely.

TURNING POINT 3 (break up over differences 2):

Jim P2J xx: Jim decides to back out of the relationship. Maybe Uncle Ely and/or Uncle Fred have contributed to this.

Deeper Layer: He doesn’t explain it’s because he loves Ellie too much to have her sacrifice her goals and commitment.

Ellie P1J xx: Ellie is heart-broken, but bears it.

Ellie P1J xx: Regaining strength, Ellie pursues Jim. Says she’ll find a way to pursue her eco-activism, do what is right.

Jim P2J xx: Jim acquiesces, but is worried about Ellie’s well-being.

Reveal: Jim admits it was because he loves her so much (willing to sacrifice). And Ellie insists she is willing to sacrifice for Jim.

Deeper Layer: Jim knows he won’t/can’t get out of his obligation to Fred due to loyalty/honor, if not money (which is also why Ellies loves him, his good character). He knows Ellie will not find her fulfillment with him working for Fred.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: A severe freeze and power cut throughout Texas makes it impossible for them to wed.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: They are back in college, which shuts down due to the freeze and power cut. Their wedding is off because the Marriage Barn lacks power and it’s booked until mid-summer. Ellie & Jim fear they may not last that long. Then Ellie bucks up and says they’ll have the wedding in Ely’s barn. Jim in a role reversal has lost hope and is in despair, saying Ely and Fred would blow up the whole thing, IF Ely even agrees, why not wait ‘til summer. Ellie: “I’ll make it work.” In a role reversal Ellie has become the strong, hopeful, and positive one in the relationship.

Deeper Layer: Ellie has now matured enough to get married and make it successful.

Ellie P1J xx: has a very tough time getting Ely to allow the wedding in his barn, since he was not invited and is against the marriage (she doesn’t mention Fred will be coming).

Ely AJ xx: He finally agrees but shows distaste for his nephew Rev. Rudy officiating. He limits the guest list to 25 people, including “my awful nephew Rudy, the brat.”

Ellie P1J xx & J P2J xx: Ellie has to convince Jim (he’s hopeless, in despair) and pouts she doesn’t want him to go extinct (to bring out his heart-melting smile). He reluctantly agrees to shifting the wedding, says you know this won’t work, but figures, yeh, it’ll at least be fun to see the fireworks.

Ellie P1J xx: Ellie and guests (10 env club members, some relatives, friends), arrive at the farm; they’ve brought bedding and things to help and get busy cleaning and decorating the barn. But 1st they rush to plug in their cell phones, vying with each other for slots.

Jim P2J xx: Jim, Ely and others, get busy setting up the energy system required to keep all warm and the lights on.

Ely P1J xx: Reveals his new project in the tack room, a hydrogen electrolyzer that converts water to hydrogen fuel, connected to a hydrogen generator (which emits water vapor). Jim and Gecko go gaga over it.

Ely P1J xx: When Fred arrives with Jim’s mother — complaining they had trouble finding a gas station that had power — he and Ely try to be polite, but when Jim tells Fred how great alt energy is, Fred snorts that the freeze certainly disproves global warming. Ely explains that such freezes are made more likely due to the warming, explaining how it enhances Rossby waves, bringing arctic weather down south while the arctic warms more. Fred doesn’t buy it. ?? Gecko continues to explain.

Jim P2J xx: Sides with Ely and Gecko; Fred feels ganged up on. Jim’s mother tries to cool them down.

Ely AJ xx: The two uncle can’t stay polite for long and there’s a big blow up between them.

REVEAL: It’s not just ideological differences between Ely and Fred, but Fred’s dastardly deed of stealing Sarah from Ely (by making her think Ely had fallen for another gal). Fred reveals that Sarah divorced him within 2 years, and married someone else, leaving Fred heart-broken.

Ellie P1J xx: Tries to convince Fred to get into alt energy.

Jim P2J xx: Jim defend’s Ely & joins Ellie in getting Fred to see benefits of alt energy.

Deeper Layer: Jim has now matured enough to take on Uncle Fred.

Ely AJ xx: Fred finally agrees about alt energy benefits (it’s hard not to when that’s what’s keeping them warm and with lights) and gets intrigued by Ely’s inventions, thinking they could make good money off them… This discussion goes on and on, as the battery power is being used up, threatening to derail the wedding, until Rudy, Jim, and Ellie intervene and draw the focus back on the wedding.

RESOLUTION (reuniting in love): Ely overcomes his bitterness and forgives Fred. Both uncles bless the wedding, and the couple can now happily marry.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: Ellie and Jim make their vows in a sweet ceremony (sort of like the Xmas nativity scene). But before their grand kiss cell phones beep text messages among all present. The Sea Turtle Rescue Center is calling everyone to come save the 1000s of cold-stunned turtles. They all rush out, including Ellie, Jim, Ely and Fred.

FINAL SCENE: All are at the beach saving turtles. Ely provides heat at the Center to help warm them. Ellie and Jim take a short break for their wedding kiss.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan. Reason: Figures some "plants" to put in earlier scenes that play out and strengthen later scenes -- came after sleeping on it, as Hal suggests
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Realized after hearing “Mastery Session 10: Basic Plotting” and starting Lesson 5 I did this wrong — should only be one sentence, 2 at most. Also some of these are based on scenes/settings I’ve imagined, but most are not, but when thinking up action (in this RomCom) I’m having to think up actual scenes & settings, which is a lot harder for those 2nd & 3rd act slump areas, but exactly what needs to be done. 🙂

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that this is a lot easier than I thought with all that I’ve done before. It still needs work and maybe I have too many deeper layers and will have to leave some off (as I did in this beat sheet); at least they are there on the side if I need to bring them in during the writing process.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

==================================================================

KEY:

P1J = Protagonist 1 Journey (Ellie)

P2J = Protagonist 2 Journey (Jim)

AJ = Antagonist Journey (Ely)

GENRE: ROM-COM

ACT 1: Ellie and Jim meet, Jim expressing interest in the Turtle Trip and especially the trip to the off-the-grid farm. Ellie gives a talk to Jim’s class re the trip, receives flack, Jim supports her. Ellie visits Uncle Ely’s farm to arrange for a trip there.

Ellie P1J 1: Ellie wants to devote her life to saving the Earth, and doesn’t want romantic involvement.

Deeper Layer: She suffers from father abandonment wound and figures marriage is a doomed enterprise.

Jim P2J 1: Jim is obligated to his Uncle Fred, but would really like to get out of it and pursue his own (at this point) nebulous goals.

Deeper Layer: Jim suffers from his father’s death, being beholden to his uncle’s support; while he appears a carefree college playboy, he really wants to establish his own solid marriage and family. Jim’s strong character, involving loyalty and honor, will never allow him to stiff his uncle to pursue his own goals.

Ely AJ 1: Ely is all about developing alt energy to help save the Earth, and hates people because they are not into that project.

Deeper Layer: He suffers losing his love Sarah to Fred, thinking it was because Fred looked more economically promising in his oil consultancy than he did pursuing (what Fred called) pie-in-the-sky alt energy pipedreams.

Ely AJ 2: When Ellie comes to arrange for trip to his farm, he talks her into helping him with his alt energy project & coming to live on his farm after college.

Deeper Layer: He is a lonely old man and Ellie is the only one who gets along with him; he wants her with him as a daughter and to take over when he passes (not ideal, since she is a journalism major, not into alt energy engineering).

INCITING INCIDENT (Cute-Meet): Jim kisses Ellie and awakens her passion. Later (before TP1) Ellie goes to Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn to do a story for the college paper; he wonders why she gave up church, guesses she’s in love, affirms the wonders of marriage to her.

Ellie P1J 2: Ellie resists her feelings for Jim and makes him understand “no commitment.” Discusses her problems (father abandonment, env activism) and marriage with her Uncle Rev. Rudy.

Deeper Layer: She has a sinking feeling she is doomed to get involved and abandoned as her mother was, no matter what Rudy or Jim tell her.

Jim P2J 2: Jim is now really hooked on Ellie, especially when he finds out she is niece of Rev. Rudy, his pastor (Ellie doesn’t know this yet about him since she gave up going to church).

Deeper Layer: Ellie is the one who can fulfill his dreams and help him cope with his Uncle Fred.

TURNING POINT 1 (Ellie’s Denial of Love): Jim indicates he wants a more committed relationship; Ellie doesn’t, but doesn’t want to hurt him, agrees to a “situationship.”

REVEAL: We find out Jim’s obligation to work in Houston for Uncle Fred’s Oil Engineering Consultancy after college.

COUNTER-REVEAL: Ellie doesn’t find out about Jim’s obligation until Midpoint, so she’s thinking Jim could be a great help with Ely’s alt energy projects, as he has an engineering degree and took a course in alt energy.

ACT 2 (overwhelming attraction): Jim passes Ellie’s stupid compatibility test and they begin “dating.” They go on trip to Ely’s farm; Jim covers up his relationship to Fred Higson.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Ely hates Fred Higson, Jim’s uncle.

Ely AJ 3: Ely tries to be polite to the students and to Jim, tries to change for Ellie.

Deeper Layer: He doesn’t want to lose Ellie and is especially afraid Jim will take her away from him.

Ellie P1J 3: Ellie is more into Jim because of Jim’s background in alt energy engineering and she begins to see a future for them as a married couple

Deeper Layer: She is still immature in that she is partly using Jim to fulfill her goals of working with Ely and finding a loving, solid marriage.

Jim P2J 3: Jim is more into Ellie, thinking she can help him “weather” Uncle Fred and be a good wife.

Deeper Layer: Jim is still immature in that he is partly using Ellie to fulfill his needs, without concern for her goals and needs.

END OF ACT 2 – MIDPOINT (Break up over differences): Ellie and Jim go to Uncle Rev. Rudy’s Marriage Barn to tentatively plan a wedding and explode over Rudy and Jim not wanting to invite Ely, call the wedding off.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Ellie and Jim open up & find out about their opposing goals and obligations, which seem to make marriage impossible. Only problem is, they are now very much in love.

Ellie P1J 4: Ellie thinks she’s satisfied that her prediction of marriage as doomed is correction and thinks she can go back to square one — activism without romance.

Deeper Layer: She is really in love with Jim

Jim P2J 4: Jim is heart-broken that he didn’t succeed in getting Ellie, and planning to look around some more.

Deeper Layer: Jim really loves Ellie, and she is the only one for him.

ACT 3: Knowing they are still very much in love, they try to work it out, taking it more slowly this time — a wedding at the end of January (3 or 4 months later). Rudy: Marriage involves adjustment and sacrifice. They go to Houston for Xmas where Jim tries to warm her up to Fred and make a go of it.

Ellie P1J 5: Ellie loses her zest for life and mistakes that for growing up, maturing.

Deeper Layer: She is conflicted in denying her goals and needs to satisfy Jim’s obligation to Fred.

Jim P2J 5: Jim thinks he’s happy with Ellie by his side and tries to get her to like Houston and Fred.

Deeper Layer: Jim knows this is tearing Ellie apart.

TURNING POINT 3 (break up over differences 2): Jim decides to back out — not explaining it’s because he loves Ellie too much to have her sacrifice her goals and commitment.

REVEAL: Jim truly and deeply loves Ellie (not just as a sex conquest) and she loves him (not just as a help for Ely’s alt energy projects).

Ellie P1J 6: Ellie insists that they get back together, figuring she will find some way to engage in env activism under Fred’s nose.

Deeper Layer: She knows that won’t work out; it will be a big sacrifice on her part.

Jim P2J 6: Jim accepts, saying he’ll find a way to get out of his obligation.

Deeper Layer: He knows he won’t/can’t get out of his obligation (loyalty/honor, if not money, will not allow him to do so). He knows Ellie will not find her fulfillment with him working for Fred.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: A severe freeze and power cut throughout Texas makes it impossible for them to wed in Rudy’s Marriage Barn — which6 is booked solid until summer. Ellie bucks up and insists they marry at uninvited Ely’s farm, the only place with power. Jim goes along, knowing it’ll be a failure.

Ellie P1J 7: Ellie has now become the strong and hopeful one in the relationship, leading all to do the right thing and help bring about the marriage.

Deeper Layer: She has now matured enough to take on marriage.

Jim P2J 7: Jim in a role reversal has lost hope and is in despair; he goes along until the very end after Fred arrives and after the initial blow up he again regains hope due to Ellie’s efforts.

Deeper Layer: Jim has now matured enough to take on Uncle Fred.

REVEAL: When Fred arrives at Ely’s farm we come to realize it is not just ideological differences between Ely and Fred, but Fred’s dastardly deed of stealing Ely’s love, Sarah. Fred reveals that Sarah divorced him within 2 years, and happily married someone else, leaving Fred heart-broken.

RESOLUTION (reuniting in love): Ely overcomes his bitterness and forgives Fred and with Ellie and Jim’s prompting Fred takes an interest in Ely’s money-saving alt energy projects (sees a business opportunity). Both uncles bless the wedding, and the couple can now happily marry.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Deeper Layer!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED the importance of having surface and deeper layers to engage the audience, and this exercise helped me dig deeper into that, especially for Protag 2, Jim, in his Rom-Com, since I had already pretty much done the work for Protag 1 and the Antag.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

==================================================================

THE LAYER OF PROTAGONISTS’ LIFE PLANS AND THE UNCLE’S FEUD

SURFACE LAYER: Ellie and Jim, attracted to each other, seem to be compatible, an ideal match.

DEEPER LAYER: Ellie’s commitment to her Great-uncle Ely’s farm and alt energy project (she considers him a saint) and her hatred of big cities versus Jim’s obligation to his Uncle Fred to work in Houston for Fred’s oil engineering consultancy threaten to undermine their wedding and marriage. Ely and Fred have been bitter enemies since their college days over ideological differences and Fred stealing Ely’s great love. Neither sees any value in marriage and considers it a doomed project, as does Ellie due to her father abandonment wound and Ely’s influence.

MAJOR REVEAL: At midpoint we learn just how much Ellie’s commitment to Ely and Jim’s obligation to Fred make their marriage impossible.

INFLUENCES SURFACE STORY: At midpoint when they fight over whether to invite Uncle Ely to the wedding (Ellie’s Uncle Rudy and Jim are against, Ellie is for) they blow up and open up about their divergent obligations and life plans and call off their wedding.

HINTS: Scene 1, Ellie gives hint about not being sure about the Environmental Club’s trip to the off-the-grid farm, then in Act 1 it becomes clearer that Uncle Ely is a bitter, difficult recluse to whom Ellie is committed. In the same Act we get some hint of Jim’s obligation to his Uncle Fred, pulling him in an opposite direction to Ellie’s direction.

CHANGES REALITY: Ellie and Jim are not at all compatible in terms of overall life plans and goals UNLESS major changes are made on her part, his part, or both their parts. Or their intransigent uncles change. But by Act 3 they are sorely in love and have to work it out, somehow, someway.

————————————-

THE LAYER OF ELLIE’S “MILD MILD AUTISM” & THE OTHER MAN

SURFACE LAYER: There is an “other man” (supporting character) for Ellie, Gecko, who is mildly autistic (at Greta Thunberg’s level).

DEEPER LEVEL: Ellie thinks she is mildly mildly autistic (and she is angry that it & Gecko’s autism is due to their being exposed to pollution as a babies); but she figures she should not get involved with or marry Gecko because, after all, it could be genetic (not environmental) & would make it much more likely their children would be severely autistic. Another issue it that Gecko plans to become a climate scientist and work in NY City and she hates cities.

EVEN DEEPER LAYER: Ellie is not mildly autistic.

MAJOR REVEAL: Somewhere in Act 3 Jim helps Ellie understand that she has confused her father abandonment wound for mild autism, which then makes Gecko a viable “other man.”

INFLUENCES SURFACE STORY: Because of the autism issue Ellie avoids romantic involvement with Gecko, and also feels an affinity with recluse Uncle Ely, until she finds out in Act 3 that she is not autistic. In Act 3 Jim gets the idea that Ellie is getting involved with Gecko.

HINTS: Scene 1, when Luz says she should get involved with Gecko, Ellie says he’s a dear friend but he has issues. In Act 1 she intimates to Jim that she as “issues” to warn him off of her. Also in Act 1 in the beach scene (after the Turtle Center visit) Jim figures out Gecko is autistic. Somewhere in Act 1 or 2 Ellie explains to Luz or someone that she figures she’s mildly mildly autistic — so the audience knows her wrong assessment, but not Jim at that point.

CHANGES REALITY: Ellie cannot marry Gecko because he’s autistic and with her autism it might be trouble for their children. This changes to Ellie not being autistic and now she could consider marrying Gecko.

————————————–

THE WEATHER LAYER

SURFACE LAYER: Opening scene: It’s a hotter than usual Spring and Ellie and friend despair it will get a lot hotter — global warming? The extreme freeze in Act 4 makes us (and Uncle Fred) think this global warming assessment is wrong. It’s just fluctuating weather.

DEEPER LAYER: climate change enhances the probability of more frequent hot spells AND it also enhances the probability of bringing worse cold spells by enhancing greater Rossby waves (bringing Arctic weather down south).

MAJOR REVEAL: Late in Act 4 Uncle Ely disabuses Uncle Fred of his denialist view that the freeze disproves global warming, explaining Rossby wave enhancement, etc.

INFLUENCES SURFACE STORY: Weather is background, but when the extreme freeze happens in the subtropical Rio Grande Valley and knocks out power throughout Texas, the wedding plans seem doomed… until Ellie bucks up and gets Uncle Ely (uninvited to the wedding) to host the wedding at his off-the-grid farm.

HINTS: Some mention of an earlier unusual Texas freeze in a previous year — denialist student in Scene 2 brings it up in Ellie’s presentation about the Turtle visit as proof against global warming (but Ellie doesn’t have Ely’s good answer to that).

CHANGES REALITY: a simple understanding of global warming to a more complex understanding.

———————————————————————————

ADD THE REST OF THE STRUCTURE TO THE CHARACTERS TO THE SCRIPT.

PROTAGONIST’S (ELLIE’S) STRUCTURE

BEGINNING: Ellie and friend Luz putting up Turtle Trip posters on campus, Jim & friend Mack following the “babes.” Girls confront the guys, but there’s an attraction between Ellie and Jim.

SURFACE LAYER: Ellie is not interested in romance due to her concern about climate change & its effects on sea turtles and other life on earth; DEEPER LAYER: this is due to her father abandonment wound and her mistaken thinking she is mildly mildly autistic. SURFACE: it’s very hot for Spring; DEEPER: due to climate change. HINT: mentions about the heat, her lack of romantic interest, and implies difficulty in arranging the off-the-grid farm trip.

INCITING INCIDENT: Ellie begins to feel something special when Jim kisses her, and more so when he asks her to pray with him for the turtles and climate change mitigation.

SURFACE: solidly attracted to Jim, more so because of his interest in the turtle’s welfare and religious side. DEEPER: She feels it’s hopeless to get involved. HINT: She tries to warn Jim off, saying she has issues.

TURNING POINT 1: Ellie, after being irritable with others, finally gives in to her feelings for Jim, despite Uncle Ely’s warnings; she’s now willing to hang with Jim in a situationship. Uncle Rudy gets her to consider marriage in the abstract, though she still considers marriage as doomed (father abandonment wound, mother dying).

SURFACE: going along with Jim, but DEEPER knowing it’s hopeless. HINT: Uncle Ely seen as anti-social and Ellie into going along with him; REVEAL: Uncle Rudy brings up her father abandonment and mother’s failed marriage, but focuses on his own successful marriage and how it is a wonderful thing.

ACT 2: Ellie fears turning Jim’s marriage proposal down, doesn’t want to hurt him. Begins considering marriage with Jim. Jim with Uncle Rudy’s help convinces her to take a chance on marriage.

HINT & REVEAL: as above (TP1)

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Ellie and Jim make arrangements for the wedding at Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn, then argue over inviting Ely to the wedding (Rudy says he’ll spoil it and Jim agrees) and they call the marriage off.

MAJOR REVEAL BETWEEN ELLIE & JIM (revealed earlier to the audience): their opposing goals and commitments.

ACT 3: Ellie, heart-broken about losing Jim, is willing to go back to Jim, but she overhears Mack mentioning that it was all a bet with Jim re Ellie as a sex conquest. Once that’s dispelled, Ellie is finally willing to go along with Jim’s obligation to work for his Uncle Fred and marry Jim. They want to take it slow this time to make sure; they plan the wedding months later, end of January before mid-Feb when Marriage Barn has an opening.

FALSE REVEALS that turn Ellie and Jim against each other: Ellie thinks she has mild mild autism (why she wouldn’t go for Gecko), but Jim thinks Ellie is not going back to Gecko; Ellie overhears Mack saying Jim was only interested in Ellie as a sexual conquest. TRUE REVEALS of their love for each other get them back together.

TURNING POINT 3: Ellie loses her zest for life and call to climate activism due to Jim’s obligation and she hates big cities like Houston. However, she is learning to cope with denialist Fred (she’s maturing) and to understand that marriage is based on commitment, adjustment, and sacrifice, not feelings (as Rudy taught her). [[add some Russian drudgery music here??]]

ACT 4 CLIMAX: When the freeze and power-cut threatens to spoil their wedding, Ellie bucks up, comes back to life, and dares to get Uncle Ely to have the wedding at his off-the-grid farm, knowing there will be conflict and problems with Uncle Rudy and especially with Uncle Fred, and the whole thing may blow up, but she knows it will work now.

RESOLUTION: Ellie is able to help all three uncles change and get along, and she and Jim finally get married.

=============================================

PROTAGONIST’S (JIM’S) STRUCTURE

BEGINNING: Jim jokingly tells friend Mack he wants to “save that turtle” Ellie; he’s sexually attracted to her — unspoken understanding (on Mack’s part) that it’s about a sexual conquest. Jim has been a carefree playboy up to this point, but knows he’s obligated to work for his Uncle Fred’s oil engineering consultancy after his MBA (revealed to the audience before TP1).

SURFACE: Jim a regular guy interested in the babes, seems carefree. DEEPER: Jim is weary of meaningless relationships, wants to start a family, and is obligated to his Uncle Fred to work for him after college.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jim kisses Ellie, gets her to feel something for him. He’s more into her now. Jokingly asks her to be his shell.

SURFACE: it seems Jim may still only be interested in Ellie as a sexual conquest. DEEPER/REVEAL: after finding out she’s Rev. Rudy’s niece, he’s more committed to a marital relationship to her.

TURNING POINT 1: Jim finds out Ellie is Rev. Rudy’s niece, decides he needs to marry her to help him “weather” his obligation to his Uncle Fred (he feels he needs her protection/help/saving); he assures his mom it’s not one of his “flings.” He even takes Ellie’s stupid compatibility test to assure Ellie he’s right for her.

REVEAL: as above.

ACT 2: Jim proposes, Ellie considers.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Ellie and Jim argue over inviting Ely to the wedding and call the marriage off.

REVEAL to each other: their opposing goals and commitments make marriage impossible.

ACT 3: Jim truly loves Ellie, but decides it would be too much of a sacrifice for her to go along with his obligation to his Uncle Fred.

SURFACE: Jim seems to emotionally dump Ellie. DEEPER: He truly loves her now, but is willing to sacrifice his happiness with her in marriage to her better interests (she would not be able to adjust to Houston or his obligation to Uncle Fred).

TURNING POINT 3: Jim accepts Ellie back, but wants to take it slowly this time, give her an out, introduce her to his horrible Uncle Fred (his compatibility test).

FALSE REVEALS that turn Ellie and Jim against each other: Ellie thinks she has mild mild autism (why she wouldn’t go for Gecko), but Jim thinks Ellie is not going back to Gecko; Ellie overhears Mack saying Jim was only interested in Ellie as a sexual conquest. TRUE REVEALS of their love for each other get them back together.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: Jim goes along with Ellie’s effort to change the wedding venue to Ely’s farm, knowing the whole thing will finally blow up and split them forever. He has lost all hope, just as Ellie has gained it for the 1^st time in her life.

RESOLUTION: He with Ellie’s prompting and her new strength of character are finally able to convince the three uncles to go along with their marriage and plans.

===============================================

ANTAGONIST’S (ELY’S) STRUCTURE

BEGINNING: Decades earlier before Ely’s story relating to this movie starts Ely (Ellie’s great-uncle) had a big fight with Fred (Jim’s uncle) over climate change and environmental issues — Ely being concerned, Fred being a denialist. And Fred stole Ely’s love away from him. It’s what made Ely a bitter, grouchy recluse into alt energy and even against having students come to see his off-the-grid farm. ((Not sure if this is just backstory that is revealed later or the start of Ely’s journey in this movie like Noah Cross’s 10 year earlier journey in CHINATOWN.))

Or, the beginning could be a year before Ellie’s journey when she came with a large group of Environmental Club students to his off-the-grid farm and they messed up the place. In Ellie’s Act 1 Ely refuses to have students visit this year. However, he wants Ellie to help with his project of spreading the news about his alt energy inventions and off-the-grid farm, but without revealing his location.

INCITING INCIDENT: Ely finally agrees to host a student trip to his farm in exchange for Ellie agreeing to help him with his alt energy projects and take over once he passes.

SURFACE: Ely is willing to have students visit his farm & have Ellie make his project more public. DEEPER: He wants Ellie with him as a “daughter” in his lonely recluse life.

TURNING POINT 1: When the students, including Jim, come he gets very angry hearing Jim’s last name is Higson, until Jim cools him off by saying he’s not Fred Higson’s son… only a distant relative (Jim’s true connection and obligation remains hidden from Ely, but audience knows of this foreboding problem between Ely and Fred).

SURFACE: He’s trying to be polite to outsiders for Ellie’s sake. DEEPER: he hates them, especially Jim because he’s a Higson and a threat to taking Ellie away from him.

ACT 2: Ely tries to convince Ellie not to think about marriage, a doomed enterprise, and to come work for him.

SURFACE/DEEPER: as above.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Ely is ecstatic that Ellie has cancelled the wedding and stood up for him against Jim and Rudy; he consoles her, becoming a bit more compassionate.

ACT 3: Ely is crestfallen that Ellie is getting back with Jim, but starts to think it might work out well, since Jim could also take part in his project, knowing something about alt energy engineering (Ely doesn’t yet know about Jim’s commitment to Fred).

TURNING POINT 3: Ely very reluctantly accepts having Ellie’s wedding in his barn. He’s opening up to the world, the world of hurt and problems.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: During the wedding preparations at his farm he and Fred blow up at each other, but then get into alt energy discussions and business opportunities… nearly derailing (losing focus of) the wedding. He finds out his great love also left Fred high and dry once she found out Fred had tricked her about Ely.

REVEAL: it is not just ideological differences between Ely and Fred, but Fred’s dastardly deed of stealing Ely’s love, Sarah. Fred reveals that Sarah divorced him within 2 years, and happily married someone else, leaving Fred heart-broken.

RESOLUTION: Ely overcomes his bitterness and forgives Fred and they both bless the wedding.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Character Structure

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that I need to bring in all sorts of layers and wounds revolving around these 2 protags and the antag, and how they overcome these, and how these all intersect, come together at the end, and get resolved — a difficult dance to pull off.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

=================================================================

PROTAGONIST’S (ELLIE’S) STRUCTURE

BEGINNING: Not interested in romance due to her concern about climate change & its effects on sea turtles and other life on earth; and later we learn due to her father abandonment wound.

INCITING INCIDENT: Ellie begins to feel something special when Jim kisses her, and more so when he asks her to pray with him for the turtles and climate change mitigation.

TURNING POINT 1: Ellie, after being irritable with others, finally gives in to her feelings for Jim, despite Uncle Ely’s warnings; she’s now willing to hang with Jim in a situationship. Uncle Rudy gets her to consider marriage in the abstract, though she still considers marriage as doomed (father abandonment wound, mother dying).

ACT 2: Ellie fears turning Jim’s marriage proposal down, doesn’t want to hurt him. Begins considering marriage with Jim. Jim with Uncle Rudy’s help convinces her to take a chance on marriage.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Ellie and Jim make arrangements for the wedding at Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn, then argue over inviting Ely to the wedding (Rudy says he’ll spoil it and Jim agrees) and they call the marriage off.

ACT 3: Ellie, heart-broken about losing Jim, is willing to go back to Jim, but she overhears Mack mentioning that it was all a bet with Jim re Ellie as a sex conquest. Once that’s dispelled, Ellie is finally willing to go along with Jim’s obligation to work for his Uncle Fred and marry Jim. They want to take it slow this time to make sure; they plan the wedding months later, end of January before mid-Feb when Marriage Barn has an opening.

TURNING POINT 3: Ellie loses her zest for life and call to climate activism due to Jim’s obligation and she hates big cities like Houston. However, she is learning to cope with denialist Fred (she’s maturing) and to understand that marriage is based on commitment, adjustment, and sacrifice, not feelings (as Rudy taught her). [[add some Russian drudgery music here??]]

ACT 4 CLIMAX: When the freeze and power-cut threaten to spoil their wedding, Ellie bucks up, comes back to life, and dares to get Uncle Ely to have the wedding at his off-the-grid farm, knowing there will be conflict and problems with Uncle Rudy and especially with Uncle Fred, and the whole thing may blow up, but she knows it will work now.

RESOLUTION: Ellie is able to help all three uncles change and get along, and she and Jim finally get married.

=============================================

PROTAGONIST’S (JIM’S) STRUCTURE

BEGINNING: Jim jokingly tells friend Mack he wants to “save that turtle” Ellie; he’s sexually attracted to her — unspoken understanding (on Mack’s part) that it’s about a sexual conquest. Jim has been a carefree playboy up to this point, but knows he’s obligated to work for his Uncle Fred’s oil engineering consultancy after his MBA (revealed to the audience before TP1).

INCITING INCIDENT: Jim kisses Ellie, gets her to feel something for him. He’s more into her now. Jokingly asks her to be his shell.

TURNING POINT 1: Jim finds out Ellie is Rev. Rudy’s niece, decides he needs to marry her to help him “weather” his obligation to his Uncle Fred (he feels he needs her protection/help/saving); he assures his mom it’s not one of his “flings.” He even takes Ellie’s stupid compatibility test to assure Ellie he’s right for her.

ACT 2: Jim proposes, Ellie considers.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Ellie and Jim argue over inviting Ely to the wedding and call the marriage off.

ACT 3: Jim truly loves Ellie, but decides it would be too much of a sacrifice for her to go along with his obligation to his Uncle Fred.

TURNING POINT 3: Jim accepts Ellie back, but wants to take it slowly this time, give her an out, introduce her to his horrible Uncle Fred (his compatibility test).

ACT 4 CLIMAX: Jim goes along with Ellie’s effort to change the wedding venue to Ely’s farm, knowing the whole thing will finally blow up and split them forever. He has lost all hope, just as Ellie has gained it for the 1^st time in her life.

RESOLUTION: He with Ellie’s prompting and her new strength of character are finally able to convince the three uncles to go along with their marriage and plans.

===============================================

ANTAGONIST’S (ELY’S) STRUCTURE

BEGINNING: Decades earlier Ely (Ellie’s great-uncle) had a big fight with Fred (Jim’s uncle) over climate change and environmental issues — Ely being concerned, Fred being a denialist. And Fred stole Ely’s love away from him. It’s what made Ely a bitter, grouchy recluse into alt energy and even against having students come to see his off-the-grid farm. ((Not sure if this is just backstory that is revealed later or the start of Ely’s journey in this movie like Noah Cross’s beginning 10 years earlier in CHINATOWN.))

Or, the beginning could be a year before Ellie’s journey when she came with a large group of Environmental Club students to his off-the-grid farm and they messed up the place. In Ellie’s Act 1 Ely refuses to have students visit this year. However, he wants Ellie to help with his project of spreading the news about his alt energy inventions and off-the-grid farm, but without revealing his location.

INCITING INCIDENT: Ely finally agrees to host a student trip to his farm in exchange for Ellie agreeing to help him with his alt energy projects and take over once he passes.

TURNING POINT 1: When the students, including Jim, come he gets very angry hearing Jim’s last name is Higson, until Jim cools him off by saying he’s not Fred Higson’s son… only a distant relative (Jim’s true connection and obligation remains hidden from Ely, but audience knows of this foreboding problem between Ely and Fred).

ACT 2: Ely tries to convince Ellie not to think about marriage, a doomed enterprise, and to come work for him.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Ely is ecstatic that Ellie has cancelled the wedding and stood up for him against Jim and Rudy; he consoles her, becoming a bit more compassionate.

ACT 3: Ely is crestfallen that Ellie is getting back with Jim, but starts to think it might work out well, since Jim could also take part in his project, knowing something about alt energy engineering (Ely doesn’t yet know about Jim’s commitment to Fred).

TURNING POINT 3: Ely very reluctantly accepts having Ellie’s wedding in his barn. He’s opening up to the world, the world of hurt and problems.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: During the wedding preparations at his farm he and Fred blow up at each other, but then get into alt energy discussions and business opportunities… nearly derailing (losing focus of) the wedding. He finds out his great love also left Fred high and dry once she found out Fred had tricked her about Ely.

RESOLUTION: Ely overcomes his bitterness and forgives Fred and they both bless the wedding.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Supporting Characters

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED how to distinguish between supporting and background, though I’m not sure if one or more of my backgrounds might be supporting and vice versa. I also cut a role altogether, Ellie’s mother, since I will probably be able to pull off the story beefing up Uncle Rudy’s role a bit more & doing what Ellie’s mother may have done. I also learned thru IMDb that COLLATERAL had a 112 character cast, so I didn’t feel so bad about my “non-contained” cast list; but I’m assuming many are mentioned down the list because of the actions they take in that action movie more than speaking/important roles. Also Felix was down the list a bit, but surely he IS supporting.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

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SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

1. Fred Higson

2. Rudy Perez

3. Luz

4. Gecko ? (the other man)

BACKGROUND CHARACTERS (minor speaking, or one-time speech):

1. Rufina Higson (Jim’s mother)

2. Mack (Jim’s sounding board friend)

3. Students in Jim’s class (who speak out)

4. Gecko ? (the other man, Env Club member)

5. Professor in Jim’s class

6. Sea Turtle Rescue Center host (one-time speech about endangered sea turtles)

7. Environmental Club Members (5 to 10 students, some with speaking roles)

EXTRAS (non-speaking):

Students & professors walking around campus

People at the Turtle Rescue Center

People at the beach party

Non-speaking students in Jim’s class

Wedding guests — family, friends, Environmental Club members

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SUPPORT 1

Name: Fred Higson

Role: Jim’s uncle

Main purpose: Supports Jim’s education and family, obligates Jim to work for his oil engineering consultancy after graduation.

Value: He’s a cantankerous climate change denialist, ideologically opposed to Ely and environmentalists, who stole Ely’s love (causing Ely’s wound). He portends to destroy Jim and Ellie’s relationship and marriage plans.

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SUPPORT 2

Name: Rudy Perez

Role: Ellie’s uncle (mother’s brother)

Main purpose: He runs a small non-denominational church and The Marriage Barn, and gives help and advice regarding marriage and Jim, contrary to Ely’s negative impact.

Value: He helps Ellie and Jim get back together and offers at-cost wedding at his venue, making it possible before graduation. He is opposed to inviting Uncle Ely to the wedding, because he’d spoil it, which triggers the big mid-point fight between Ellie and Jim.

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SUPPORT 3

Name: Luz Cantu

Role: Ellie’s best friend and Environmental Club member

Main purpose: More a dynamic sounding board who confronts Ellie about her need for romance.

Value: Mainly a sounding board, but also opposes Ellie in many ways, such as her distrust of Jim’s motives. She tries to help and protect Ellie, but this mainly backfires.

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SUPPORT 4

Name: Gregg (Gecko) Reilly

Role: Ellie’s friend and Environmental Club member (minor role, might even be “background,” depending on how the story goes).

Main purpose: He also has autism, like Ellie, but much worse, so Ellie and he have decided they should not get romantically involved because it might be genetic.

Value: Jim assumes he’s Ellie’s boyfriend at one point in Act 2 or 3, which turns Jim off of Ellie.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Character Profiles Part 2

NOTE: I’m racing ahead because I won’t be able to participate much after this module until Oct.

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that these last 5 components helped elevate the characters even more, especially the character dilemma — that’ll create a lot of tension. The flaw and values are also a great addition.

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ELLIE FERRIS

A. HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

B. This character’s journey: Ellie goes from ineffective in helping save the earth and in romantic involvement to falling in love, and through struggles with family and other conflicts becomes self-confident and bold, effecting not only her marriage with Jim but also getting self and others to do the eco-things.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character:

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it: A climate activist who through family and romantic conflicts brings about climate solutions.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story: She’s ice regarding future despair and romance, but in sleeping beauty fashion but with struggle against family fights and problems with Jim awakens to love and hope.

3. The most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script: Leading trips to a turtle rescue center and whacky off-the-grid farm. Beach party antics. Kissing under a huge Jesus statue. Hugging, snuggling lead man during a freeze and black out. Being left at the altar by wedding guests. Rescuing cold stunned turtles.

4. Introducing this role in a way that could sell it to an actor: Heading a turtle rescue center trip, expresses climate despair and her lack of interest in romance. The lead man Jim follow the “hot babe.” She confronts him but he expresses interest in the turtle rescue trip and has her talk about it to his class. During her talk denialist students give her a rough time and she goes mute (from her autism). When alone with Jim she melts down emotionally over that. She explains to him she has “issues” (which we later find out is autism).

5. This character’s emotional range: Despair, to fear of connecting, lack of appropriate emotions (autism), to blossoming sexuality, to autistic mutism and emotional meltdown, to more mature coping.

6. Subtext the actor can play: She wants Jim to take over Uncle Ely’s off-the-grid project and help in the climate effort, but hides that pretending she’s only into him. She also hides her activism with his Uncle Fred (oil engineer), and hides Jim’s connection and obligation to Fred with her Uncle Ely, who hates Fred. Throughout the movie she puts climate change, her father abandonment wound, and her mild autism in subtext to avoid embarrassment, controversy and confronting these head on.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has: With Jim as her relationship with him and the family conflicts surrounding their relationship helps draws her out of her shell, sexually, romantically, and spiritually. With her two uncles: Ely the bitter grump, with whom she’s closer, and Rudy the positive, long married pastor. With Jim’s uncle, trying to please him, hiding her identity as an activist (and Jewish descent).

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? With her minor autism she goes from lacking appropriate emotion/expression/responses to temporary mutism in high conflict situations to total meltdown and panic over fairly minor things. ((I’m thinking Mr. Magoo was not only nearly blind, but also autistic.))

9. What could make this character special and unique? She fears involvement, lives in despair, and has rejected religion because her father abandoned her at age 5. This layer underlies her climate despair layer. However she is forced to overcome these to accomplish her goals of marriage to Jim and helping to save the earth.

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The First 6 Parts of The Profile

1. ROLE IN THE STORY: Protagonist, leading lady in a Rom-Com

2. AGE RANGE AND DESCRIPTION: early 20s, looks Anglo but half Tejana (Latina)

3. CORE TRAITS: highly focused and committed to help save the earth, abhors hurting people/animals, but lacks emotional involvement due to her mild autism, goes mute or into emotional melt down when distressed

4. MOTIVATION; WANT/NEED: She wants to save the earth and a bit later wants to marry Jim; she needs love and support to overcome her father abandonment wound, eco-anxiety, and to some extent her autistic-related behavior.

5. WOUND: father abandoned her at age 6 and never contacted her thereafter.

6. LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY: She is committed to saving the earth and help with turtle rescue, she likes Gecko in a non-romantic way and is considerate of him; she is pursued by some guys following “hot babes”; she is given a tough time by the class and by her relatives, but weathers it to accomplish her goals.

7. CHARACTER SUBTEXT: Ellie is hiding from Jim that she plans to help Ely after graduation, sort of lying to him by being evasive. She also has a secret that she has mild autism. She is plotting with Jim to change his uncle’s plan for Jim. She is being polite or careful to sometimes withhold discussion of climate change, especially in company with denialists.

8. CHARACTER INTRIGUE: She plans to help Ely and is covering up her unspoken father abandonment wound. She secret identities are having mild autism and with Uncle Fred being an eco-activist and being of Jewish heritage. She somewhat deceives Jim at first by making him think she’s more into him than into getting him to help with Ely’s project. She is half Tejana (Latina) mistaken as Anglo, but then “dares” Jim to disapprove of her when it comes out by overacting her heritage; it turns out he is also half Peruvian (Latino). She finds out later she is of Jewish descent but then has to hide that from Uncle Fred.

9. FLAW: With her autism, Ellie tends to overdo her climate change focus and making sure Jim is compatible, with ridiculous compatibility tests. Ellie is afraid to deal with climate denialists and with conflict in general. She undervalues herself in thinking she can’t change Uncle Fred. And she doesn’t want to risk love and marriage when she thinks/knows these are doomed to failure, just like saving the earth.

10. VALUES: Ellie values family, but Ely over others; she is committed to helping save the earth against all odds. She feels a sense of duty and loyalty to Ely, partly due to her sympathy for the recluse and partly because he is brilliant in his alt energy efforts.

11. CHARACTER DILEMMA: Ellie’s dilemma is between being an activist versus being polite without conflicts. She later feels a terrible dilemma between her eco-activist goals and her love for Jim, with his obligation to work in Houston for Uncle Fred and Fred’s hatred of environmentalism.

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JIM HIGSON

A. HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

B. This character’s journey: Jim is under obligation to work for his uncle despite his own conflicting goal. When he falls for Ellie, who has various difficult issues, he goes on a journey of learning about environmental problems and how to put his parents’ teachings about love into practice and how to help his uncle get on the right track.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character:

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? Hot, sexy guy, with a sensitive, religious side, conflicted by an obligation.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? Falls for a climate activist, who draws him into environmental activities and concerns. However, he’s under an obligation to his oil engineer uncle that will tear them apart.

3. The most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script: Follows the “hot babes.” Beach party antics. Kisses Ellie under a huge Jesus Refuge of Seafarers statue. Into alt energy. Hugging, snuggling Ellie during a freeze and black out. Being left at the altar by wedding guests. Rescuing cold stunned turtles.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor: Follows the “hot babes” but protests he’s only interested in the turtle rescue and invites Ellie to give a talk. Talk backfires, upsets her, and he then cheers her with interest in her uncle’s off-the-grid farm.

5. This character’s emotional range: Guy sexy-hot for a gal, sensitive and willing to go along with her, meek and obliged to his uncle, angry when gal tells him not to invite his uncle, stubborn in reestablishing the relationship, very down about the break-up (still in love), angry with his uncle.

6. Subtext the actor can play: Pretends to be environmentally concerned to get it on with Ellie. Doesn’t tell her about his commitment to his oil engineer uncle. Once he tells her, says he can get out of that obligation or change his uncle, when he knows he can’t.

7. The most interesting relationships this character can have: With Ellie, falling for her, going to great lengths to be the man she wants, then it snaps when he just can’t go along anymore. But by then he loves her so puts forth great effort to win her back and prevent family conflicts from interfering.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Hot, sexy guy, but with a sensitive, religious side. Joking, serious, meekly agreeable to please others, later strong to get what he really wants and needs.

9. What could make this character special and unique? Sexy but religious and family-oriented.

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The First 6 Parts of The Profile:

1. ROLE IN THE STORY: Protagonist, leading man in a Rom-Com

2. AGE RANGE AND DESCRIPTION: mid-twenties, looks Anglo but half Latino.

3. CORE TRAITS: Regular hot-blooded guy, but sensitive and religious, energetic, studious. Has BS in Engineering, working on his MBA.

4. MOTIVATION; WANT/NEED: Wants to break away from his uncle and get into alternative energy engineering, wants a loving, wholesome wife and family. He needs love, comfort, and support from others.

5. WOUND: His loving father died when he was 16 and he’s had a hard time getting along with his cantankerous Uncle Fred, who is paying for his education — rubbing salt into the wound.

6. LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY: He helps others and the sea turtle, falls in true love; regular guy hot after a beautiful woman, working hard to get ahead in his education and future career; struggles with and against his cantankerous, domineering uncle and deals with the ups and downs of his relationship with Ellie.

7. CHARACTER SUBTEXT: Jim hides his obligation to work for his Uncle Fred’s oil engineering consultancy. He works double hard to lure and win Ellie, who is romantic relationship shy. He pretends to his friend to be a regular guy womanizer when he is actually a family guy looking for a loving marriage. He plots with Ellie to try and get Uncle Fred to change.

8. CHARACTER INTRIGUE: He has a father bereavement wound. He is half Latino but mistaken as Anglo; when Ellie dares him to disapprove of her heritage, he comes back in the same way with his heritage. He hides from Ellie his obligation to work for Fred. In pursuit of Ellie he pretends to be more interested in eco issues than he actually is. When Ely confronts him about being a Higson, related to Fred Higson, Jim deceives him into thinking there’s no relationship.

9. FLAW: Jim is afraid to confront his Uncle Fred, doesn’t want to upset him, and undervalues his ability to change Fred. He is overconfident in dealing with women, so when Ellie proves difficult to get, he takes it as a challenge and doggedly pursues her — instead getting led in a direction he would never have gone.

10. VALUES: Jim values family and duty and loyalty to family above all else. He is into winning — getting college degrees and the woman of his interest, Ellie. Determined.

11. CHARACTER DILEMMA: Jim’s desire to pursue his own career goal comes into greater and greater conflict with his sense duty and obligation to Uncle Fred. His love for Ellie goes against his obligation to his Uncle Fred.

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ELY PEREZ

A. HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

B. This character’s journey: Elderly Ely, having become a bitter reclusive misanthrope from losing his great love, still wants to save the earth and tries to get Ellie to help and take over. This plan is thwarted when Ellie plans to run off the Houston with Jim. Ely must come out of his shell and bitterness and be amenable to others until he finally fulfills his goal and his need.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? Grumpy, argumentative old man into alternative energy who disrupts others’ plans and relationships.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? Flies off the handle regarding his arch enemy, the leading man’s oil engineer uncle and at various obstructions. Wants to save the earth, but fails at outreach efforts. Depends on grand-niece Ellie to carry on his project (has to be out-of-character nice to her).

3. Most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script: Against his recluse nature he hosts the club’s field trip to his off-the-grid farm, a hilarious grove of weird wind generators, solar arrays, batteries. Hosts the wedding in his barn during the worst freeze and black out in Texas history. Helps with the rescue of cold stunned turtles.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? In Ellie’s Act One visit to his crazy alt energy farm he comes out swinging in anger against various issues and doesn’t want nasty students coming and trashing his farm — Ellie has to convince him. In Act Two when they come, he’s okay until he hears Jim’s last name is Higson — flies off the handle in rage… until Jim assures him Fred Higson is not his father.

5. This character’s emotional range: Angry, grumpy, with a soft spot for Ellie, and changes to being more friendly, inviting, and helpful. Gives some serious heart-felt advice to Ellie, practically in tears over issues in his life.

6. Subtext the actor can play: He’s angry that no one seems to be saving the earth, especially denialist obstructionists like the lead man’s uncle, so even when he’s calm and nice, this comes out as subtext. Underlying this is his hurt from his enemy tricking the love of his life, Sarah, away from him.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With Ellie, loving, dependent relationship. With Jim hopeful, then suspicious re Jim’s relationship to his uncle. With Jim’s uncle shear anger and hatred. With Ellie’s Uncle Rudy and her mother, contempt.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through his expression of environmental concern various frustrations and angers, and underlying this his life-altering hurt from losing his love.

9. What could make this character special and unique? He is anti everything, except the environment and Ellie, but pushes her away and fails to do much positive for the environment because of his anger and frustrations.

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The First 6 Parts of The Profile:

1. ROLE IN THE STORY: antagonist

2. AGE RANGE AND DESCRIPTION: 60s, Tejano (Latino), slovenly

3. CORE TRAITS: cantankerous, hateful, prone to explosive anger, focused on his projects, cares about Ellie (but no one else)

4. MOTIVATION; WANT/NEED: wants to save the earth with his projects and get Ellie to help him and take over; needs someone to break through with (? tough ?) love.

5. WOUND: his love stolen away from him, prejudice against Latinx and Jews –> made him cantankerous and hateful

6. LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY: trying to save the earth, intelligent, industrious, inventive; angry at obstructions, loving toward Ellie; lives alone, not caring for self, losing his great love.

7. CHARACTER SUBTEXT: Ely usually blurts out all his frustrations, seemingly no subtext, but they tend to be surface for his lost love wound, racism, and other things he suffered when young. However, he has to control himself and be polite to lure Ellie into helping him with his project (and being company to him, alleviating his loneliness). He is also hiding his Jewish heritage, assuming family members know, but Ellie doesn’t know.

8. CHARACTER INTRIGUE: Ely’s lose love is his main unspoken wound. He is obviously Latino, but not obviously of Jewish descent. He has a serious grudge with Jim’s Uncle Fred, both ideological differences, college competitiveness, but mostly that Fred lured his love away from him. His hidden agenda is to get Ellie to help him.

9. FLAW: Ely overdoes his work on alt energy project without caring about anything or anyone else, to the extent of failing to promote and share them (which is his goal). He is over-confident in his abilities & rightly so, to the extent of pushing others away. Says all the wrong things, many overly frank, that push others away. He not only give up easily, he doesn’t even try to do what needs doing to accomplish his goals of saving the earth.

10. VALUES: Saving the earth, considers that love of humanity, but hates people, except Ellie. Values intelligence and creativity; disvalues almost everything else. Disvalues love, marriage, family. Hates climate denialists and gluttonous consumerism. Values simple living, nature (esp the native brushlands), creation/environment.

11. CHARACTER DILEMMA: Seeks solitude but needs love. Wants to save the earth but hates dealing with people in order to accomplish that, or pushes them away. Seeks solitude but lives with conflicting, opposing people in his mind.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Character Profiles Part 1

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that Ely is more an antagonist like “Quint” rather than the triangle character I thought he was; he’s not against the protags so much as against the world. This lesson made me continue to strengthen and elevate the 3 main characters, their cross goals/needs, and their interactions and impacts on each other.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

==========================================================

ELLIE FERRIS

A. The High Concept (? Subtext Logline ?): Ellie falls for Jim against her better (wounded layer) judgment, tries to convince herself that he would be helpful in her eco projects.

B. This character’s journey: Ellie goes from ineffective in helping save the earth and in romantic involvement to falling in love, and through struggles with family and other conflicts becomes self-confident and bold, effecting not only her marriage with Jim but also getting self and others to do the eco-things.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character:

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it: A climate activist who through family and romantic conflicts brings about climate solutions.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story: She’s ice regarding future despair and romance, but in sleeping beauty fashion but with struggle against family fights and problems with Jim awakens to love and hope.

3. The most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script: Leading trips to a turtle rescue center and whacky off-the-grid farm. Beach party antics. Kissing under a huge Jesus statue. Hugging, snuggling lead man during a freeze and black out. Being left at the altar by wedding guests. Rescuing cold stunned turtles.

4. Introducing this role in a way that could sell it to an actor: Heading a turtle rescue center trip, expresses climate despair and her lack of interest in romance. The lead man Jim follow the “hot babe.” She confronts him but he expresses interest in the turtle rescue trip and has her talk about it to his class. During her talk denialist students give her a rough time and she goes mute (from her autism). When alone with Jim she melts down emotionally over that. She explains to him she has “issues” (which we later find out is autism).

5. This character’s emotional range: Despair, to fear of connecting, lack of appropriate emotions (autism), to blossoming sexuality, to autistic mutism and emotional meltdown, to more mature coping.

6. Subtext the actor can play: She wants Jim to take over Uncle Ely’s off-the-grid project and help in the climate effort, but hides that pretending she’s only into him. She also hides her activism with his Uncle Fred (oil engineer), and hides Jim’s connection and obligation to Fred with her Uncle Ely, who hates Fred. Throughout the movie she puts climate change, her father abandonment wound, and her mild autism in subtext to avoid embarrassment, controversy and confronting these head on.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has: With Jim as her relationship with him and the family conflicts surrounding their relationship helps draws her out of her shell, sexually, romantically, and spiritually. With her two uncles: Ely the bitter grump, with whom she’s closer, and Rudy the positive, long married pastor. With Jim’s uncle, trying to please him, hiding her identity as an activist (and Jewish descent).

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? With her minor autism she goes from lacking appropriate emotion/expression/responses to temporary mutism in high conflict situations to total meltdown and panic over fairly minor things. ((I’m thinking Mr. Magoo was not only nearly blind, but also autistic.))

9. What could make this character special and unique? She fears involvement, lives in despair, and has rejected religion because her father abandoned her at age 5. This layer underlies her climate despair layer. However she is forced to overcome these to accomplish her goals of marriage to Jim and helping to save the earth.

———————

The First 6 Parts of The Profile

1. ROLE IN THE STORY: Protagonist, leading lady in a Rom-Com

2. AGE RANGE AND DESCRIPTION: early 20s, looks Anglo but half Tejana (Latina)

3. CORE TRAITS: highly focused and committed to help save the earth, abhors hurting people/animals, but lacks emotional involvement due to her mild autism, goes mute or into emotional melt down when distressed

4. MOTIVATION; WANT/NEED: She wants to save the earth and a bit later wants to marry Jim; she needs love and support to overcome her father abandonment wound, eco-anxiety, and to some extent her autistic-related behavior.

5. WOUND: father abandoned her at age 6 and never contacted her thereafter.

6. LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY: She is committed to saving the earth and help with turtle rescue, she likes Gecko in a non-romantic way and is considerate of him; she is pursued by some guys following “hot babes”; she is given a tough time by the class and by her relatives, but weathers it to accomplish her goals.

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JIM HIGSON

A. The High Concept (? Subtext Logline ?): Jim hides his deepest wounds and needs, but finds Ellie may be the perfect woman to fulfill these, but he has to hide his obligation to Uncle Fred, fearing it may push Ellie away.

B. This character’s journey: Jim is under obligation to work for his uncle despite his own conflicting goal. When he falls for Ellie, who has various difficult issues, he goes on a journey of learning about environmental problems and how to put his parents’ teachings about love into practice and how to help his uncle get on the right track.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character:

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? Hot, sexy guy, with a sensitive, religious side, conflicted by an obligation.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? Falls for a climate activist, who draws him into environmental activities and concerns. However, he’s under an obligation to his oil engineer uncle that will tear them apart.

3. The most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script: Follows the “hot babes.” Beach party antics. Kisses Ellie under a huge Jesus Refuge of Seafarers statue. Into alt energy. Hugging, snuggling Ellie during a freeze and black out. Being left at the altar by wedding guests. Rescuing cold stunned turtles.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor: Follows the “hot babes” but protests he’s only interested in the turtle rescue and invites Ellie to give a talk. Talk backfires, upsets her, and he then cheers her with interest in her uncle’s off-the-grid farm.

5. This character’s emotional range: Guy sexy-hot for a gal, sensitive and willing to go along with her, meek and obliged to his uncle, angry when gal tells him not to invite his uncle, stubborn in reestablishing the relationship, very down about the break-up (still in love), angry with his uncle.

6. Subtext the actor can play: Pretends to be environmentally concerned to get it on with Ellie. Doesn’t tell her about his commitment to his oil engineer uncle. Once he tells her, says he can get out of that obligation or change his uncle, when he knows he can’t.

7. The most interesting relationships this character can have: With Ellie, falling for her, going to great lengths to be the man she wants, then it snaps when he just can’t go along anymore. But by then he loves her so puts forth great effort to win her back and prevent family conflicts from interfering.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Hot, sexy guy, but with a sensitive, religious side. Joking, serious, meekly agreeable to please others, later strong to get what he really wants and needs.

9. What could make this character special and unique? Sexy but religious and family-oriented.

———————

The First 6 Parts of The Profile:

1. ROLE IN THE STORY: Protagonist, leading man in a Rom-Com

2. AGE RANGE AND DESCRIPTION: mid-twenties, looks Anglo but half Latino.

3. CORE TRAITS: Regular hot-blooded guy, but sensitive and religious, energetic, studious. Has BS in Engineering, working on his MBA.

4. MOTIVATION; WANT/NEED: Wants to break away from his uncle and get into alternative energy engineering, wants a loving, wholesome wife and family. He needs love, comfort, and support from others.

5. WOUND: His loving father died when he was 16 and he’s had a hard time getting along with his cantankerous Uncle Fred, who is paying for his education — rubbing salt into the wound.

6. LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY: He helps others and the sea turtle, falls in true love; regular guy hot after a beautiful woman, working hard to get ahead in his education and future career; struggles with and against his cantankerous, domineering uncle and deals with the ups and downs of his relationship with Ellie.

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ELY PEREZ

A. The High Concept (? Subtext Logline ?): Ely wants to save the earth and is trying to use grand-niece Ellie to help him do that.

B. This character’s journey: Elderly Ely, having become a bitter reclusive misanthrope from losing his great love, still wants to save the earth and tries to get Ellie to help and take over. This plan is thwarted when Ellie plans to run off the Houston with Jim. Ely must come out of his shell and bitterness and be amenable to others until he finally fulfills his goal and his need.

C. The Actor Attractors for this character

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it? Grumpy, argumentative old man into alternative energy who disrupts others’ plans and relationships.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story? Flies off the handle regarding his arch enemy, the leading man’s oil engineer uncle and at various obstructions. Wants to save the earth, but fails at outreach efforts. Depends on grand-niece Ellie to carry on his project (has to be out-of-character nice to her).

3. Most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script: Against his recluse nature he hosts the club’s field trip to his off-the-grid farm, a hilarious grove of weird wind generators, solar arrays, batteries. Hosts the wedding in his barn during the worst freeze and black out in Texas history. Helps with the rescue of cold stunned turtles.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor? In Ellie’s Act One visit to his crazy alt energy farm he comes out swinging in anger against various issues and doesn’t want nasty students coming and trashing his farm — Ellie has to convince him. In Act Two when they come, he’s okay until he hears Jim’s last name is Higson — flies off the handle in rage… until Jim assures him Fred Higson is not his father.

5. This character’s emotional range: Angry, grumpy, with a soft spot for Ellie, and changes to being more friendly, inviting, and helpful. Gives some serious heart-felt advice to Ellie, practically in tears over issues in his life.

6. Subtext the actor can play: He’s angry that no one seems to be saving the earth, especially denialist obstructionists like the lead man’s uncle, so even when he’s calm and nice, this comes out as subtext. Underlying this is his hurt from his enemy tricking the love of his life, Sarah, away from him.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have? With Ellie, loving, dependent relationship. With Jim hopeful, then suspicious re Jim’s relationship to his uncle. With Jim’s uncle shear anger and hatred. With Ellie’s Uncle Rudy and her mother, contempt.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented? Through his expression of environmental concern various frustrations and angers, and underlying this his life-altering hurt from losing his love.

9. What could make this character special and unique? He is anti everything, except the environment and Ellie, but pushes her away and fails to do much positive for the environment because of his anger and frustrations.

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The First 6 Parts of The Profile:

1. ROLE IN THE STORY: antagonist

2. AGE RANGE AND DESCRIPTION: 60s, Tejano (Latino), slovenly

3. CORE TRAITS: cantankerous, hateful, prone to explosive anger, focused on his projects, cares about Ellie (but no one else)

4. MOTIVATION; WANT/NEED: wants to save the earth with his projects and get Ellie to help him and take over; needs someone to break through with (? tough ?) love.

5. WOUND: his love stolen away from him, prejudice against Latinx and Jews –> made him cantankerous and hateful

6. LIKABILITY, RELATABILITY, EMPATHY: trying to save the earth, intelligent, industrious, inventive; angry at obstructions, loving toward Ellie; lives alone, not caring for self, losing his great love.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that I already had some audience connectors from doing previous lessons (I also have read Save the Cat), but need to flesh them out more. I’ll be thinking of more specific ways to show them especially in the first few scenes and first act.

CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze

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Ways you can present your Protagonist ELLIE through each of these:

LIKABILITY: Ellie is heading a trip to the Sea Turtle Rescue Center; she tells Luz (re another’s name) it’s Gecko, not Geeko, that he’s a good friend but has issues (she cares for him non-romantically); she agrees to give a talk about the trip and when pressed “what’s the financial gain,” she explains there’s no gain, in fact there’s a fee to help rescue more endangered turtles.

RELATABILITY: She and Luz speak of it being hot now in spring and hotter in summer and later (implying with global warming). They confront the guys tagging them. She later shows romantic interest in Jim.

EMPATHY: Guys are following her and Luz — checking out the “babes.” When students rag & embarrass her about the trip, she goes mute/shock. She explains to Jim she has issues (autism, revealed later).

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Ways you can present your Protagonist JIM through each of these:

LIKABILITY: Jim shows interest in the Turtle trip, says he wants to rescue that turtle (Ellie), and in the next scene stands up for Ellie, then comforts her. Under the huge Jesus Protector of Seafarers statue, after their 1st kiss, he asks Ellie if she prays, then they pray for the endangered turtles and for ending global warming.

RELATABILITY: He and friend are pursuing “babes,” but not in an evil way. He’s a college guy under obligation to his elders.

EMPATHY: Ellie and Luz catch Jim and friend following them and confront them (a bit embarrassing). Later we find out he is obligated to his uncle, who paid for his education, and has to work for him when he’d rather do something else.

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Ways you can present your Triangle Character ELY through each of these:

LIKABILITY: He’s an old grump, but he’s working on alt energy projects and his Off-The-Gridder blog to help save the earth. He is very fond of his grand-niece Ellie and wants to help her. He’s a naturalist, letting his farm return to the native brushlands.

RELATABILITY: We later find out why he’s so grumpy and full of hatred for Fred (Fred stole his love), but in the end they patch up.

EMPATHY: His love was tricked away from him. In Act 1 we see that he lives alone, has issues, and his only relationship is with Ellie.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Character Intrigue

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that the earlier lessons and assignments have already helped with much of this assignment, but this assignment has helped me dig a lot deeper. Also I had toyed with giving the lead lady minor ASD autism a couple of days ago, but thought it might make her behavior unlikeable. Now I’m thinking of including it; which could also be a chance to inform the audience, help the audience accept behavioral differences, which seems to be harder than racial and religious differences.

CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze

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Many of the following are in the outline, but fleshed out more here. Some I’ve added NEW.

CHARACTER NAME: Ellie Ferris

ROLE: Lead Lady

HIDDEN AGENDAS: Ellie wants to be a writer and recluse like Uncle Ely, helping save the earth, but at a good distance from others. On the surface she’s a journalism major telling all that she plans to work for a newspaper or TV station. Only Uncle Ely and the audience know her hidden agenda. When she starts going with Jim she figures she can use Jim to fulfill Ely’s hidden agenda (see below).

COMPETITION: NEW: ?? In Act 3 Ellie plans to out Jim’s Uncle Fred for causing pollution ?? to the local news (?? The type of air pollution she thinks caused her autism) to force him to stop, but this may ruin her relationship with Jim.

CONSPIRACIES: She and Ely plan for her to live on his farm after her graduation so she can try her hand at writing books. After she falls for Jim she figures she can get him to move there, since he’s into alt energy and seems to be flexible, but Jim has his own “conspiracy,” his obligation to his Uncle Fred.

SECRETS: NEW: She has minor autism (ASD, Autism Spectrum Disorder), which makes her 5 senses very sensitive; gives her some anxiety/depression/PTSD; inflexibility; introvert; selective mutism; poor short-term memory, meltdowns (temper tantrums over minor things); difficulty with empathy (she has to fake it). This actually fits her somewhat, and she thinks it’s linked to air pollution when her mother was pregnant. Also is fits a theme about love and marriage — that it’s less about feelings and emotions and more about commitment and sacrifice for the other, weathering it, which her Uncle Rudy (pastor and the only one with a successful marriage) instructs her after the mid-point break-up.

The surface behaviors might make Ellie less likable so I’ll need the audience to understand the root cause early enough so they don’t get turned off. Maybe an oblique mention of Greta Thunberg, the great climate activist kid and her Aspergers.

Because of her ASD Ellie is AFRAID to go out of the Rio Grande Valley. She especially hates big cities like Houston, where unknown to her Jim is obliged to work.

This will be a big hurdle for Jim to overcome and marry her.

Perhaps Gecko (the other man in a fairly minor role) has ASD at a higher level, which explains Ellie’s mention of “he has issues” in scene one (which I just started writing) and it would highlight the autism spectrum range, plus her concern for Gecko, plus why she doesn’t want to get involved with him, because she thinks it could be genetic and doesn’t want children more disadvantaged — even though she tells Jim (when she opens up about it) that it was likely due to her mother’s exposure to pollution or pesticides. Another reason Ellie is into eco issues.

DECEPTION: In Act 3 with Jim’s Uncle Fred she conceals that she’s an eco-activist, which he would absolutely hate.

UNSPOKEN WOUND: Underlying her less-spoken eco/climate anxiety (that the world and future are doomed) she suffers from father abandonment. He left when she was 6 and never contacted her thereafter. But we find out later her mother prevented it, thinking it best (maybe the mom makes some oblique reference to that earlier). On the surface Ellie thinks/knows marriage is doomed to failure, so why get involved.

SECRET IDENTITY: Ellie is half Tejana (Latina), but because of her Anglo looks and last name. The audience finds out when we meet her mom and uncles, but Jim doesn’t find this out until later. She’s not hiding it, it just doesn’t come up until then.

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CHARACTER NAME: Jim Higson

ROLE: Lead Man

HIDDEN AGENDAS: Jim is obligated to work for Uncle Fred in his Petroleum Engineering Consultancy in Houston after college, even though he doesn’t really want to. Fred has taken over as father figure after Jim’s loving father died and has paid for all his education and more. Jim hides this from Ellie, figuring it would push her away, but since she’s going into journalism and has said she’s flexible (hiding her agenda), he figures she’ll have even better opportunity to get a job in Houston.

COMPETITION: NEW: He also makes oblique references to out Fred’s wrong consulting re covering up polluting practices to get him to change and “go clean,” include alt energy consulting.

CONSPIRACIES: ?? NEW: He enlists Ely’s Uncle Rudy in winning Ellie back. He and Ellie plot to change Uncle Fred.

SECRETS: He is hoping to break away from is obligation to Fred if he can’t convince him to “clean up” his consulting and get into alt energy (Fred expresses great hostility to alt energy). This turns into a CONSPIRACY in Act 3 when he enlists Ellie to help him convince Fred.

DECEPTION: He has to pretend to Fred he is totally into the Oil Engineering Consultancy and an anti-environmentalist.

UNSPOKEN WOUND: Bereaved over beloved father’s death (younger brother to Fred) when he was 16, which leads to his need for establishing a loving, wholesome family, and using Ellie as a way to soothe him in his plight re his obligation to Fred.

SECRET IDENTITY: (1) Jim’s mother is Peruvian, but because of his Anglo looks and last name Ellie and the audience doesn’t find this out until later (or maybe his Uncle Fred brings it up to him privately as a sneer, so the audience finds out earlier, making them think “these two are meant for each other”). Jim’s not hiding it, it just doesn’t come up until later. When their 2 Latinx identities are revealed, they feel even better they are compatible, but at first Ellie with her humorous ASD thinks not since her half is Tejana (Texas Latina) vs. his half is Peruvian.

(2) NEW: Jim is a religious, wholesome guy wanting a good marriage and family, but he pretends to be into sex only with his side-kick — a guy competitive thing. This backfires later when Ellie overhears them. ?? The audience also only slowly comes to understand Jim’s true character.

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CHARACTER NAME: Ely Perez

ROLE: Triangle Character (Ellie’s great-uncle)

HIDDEN AGENDAS: Ely wants Ellie to take over his alt energy and blog outreach operations when he passes, he hints at it obliquely and avoids telling anyone else, but Ellie makes it clear she doesn’t have the knowledge or skills to do that and she doesn’t want to be tied down. She only wants to have a place lacking distractions where she can write… on a trial basis.

COMPETITION: He wants to destroy competitor Fred Higson in any way he can because Fred stole his love away from him and is an arch climate denialist.

CONSPIRACIES: ?? NEW: Joins with Jim in working to get Ellie to make up. Maybe Jim tells him he has a little obligation for a few years, but will be free to come and take over Ely’s alt energy project.

SECRETS: ?? NEW: Ely is running out if money but pretends he has plenty to keep Ellie in good condition when/if she takes over his off-the-grid farm

DECEPTION: ?? NEW: Because he’s going bankrupt, he is plotting to get Ellie to support him and his farm; he covers his situation and not using his farm for crop/livestock production and letting it return to brushland by saying he’s a naturalist.

UNSPOKEN WOUND: He lost the love of his life to Fred Higson and became a grumpy old recluse.

SECRET IDENTITY: ?? NEW: He is of Jewish Converso descendent — those who escaped Spain’s persecution of Jews by fleeing to the Rio Grande Valley centuries ago. That’s why he hates religion, underlying his anger at religious folk for not adequately addressing climate change and other eco issues.

Ely’s dislike of religion contributed to Ellie not attending her Uncle Rudy’s non-denominational church for the past 3 years, but she doesn’t know Ely and her family are of Jewish descent. Ely isn’t hiding it, he just assumes it’s known.* When Ellie, Jim and the audience find out they worry about what Uncle Fred (an Archie Bunker type) will think and do.

*Ellie’s mom knows, but as with her choosing to keep the Anglo last name of her ex-husband to help Ellie in a racist world, she thinks it best this Jewish identity be left unknown.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Subtext Characters

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED to think about subtext potential before finishing an outline or beat sheet. Also this is difficult even though in real life we do use subtext a lot. I learned from another source that occasionally subtext blurts out as on-the-nose dialogue. Also that it should not be so secret that the audience never gets it. Natural, like in real life. It also makes me put in more conflict and tension (internal & external), out of which subtext arises.

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Movie Title: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com): Two college students try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze

Character Name: ELLIE FERRIS

Subtext Identity: Ellie has a father abandonment wound and climate anxiety

Subtext Trait: She covers these up and tries to deal with them by helping other people and species and striving to save the earth, all the while thinking it is hopeless. She avoids relationships because she thinks/knows they are doomed to failure. When her helping save the earth runs up against others’ lack of interest, hostility or climate denial she loses her cool and flies off the handle — either open anger or harsh, sassy subtext.

Subtext Logline: Ellie is falling for Jim against her better (wounded layer) judgment, trying to convince herself that he would be helpful in her projects of helping Uncle Ely with his alt energy and helping to save the Earth, and healing the wound she has (abandonment, eco-anxiety).

Possible Areas of Subtext

Throughout the script Ellie expresses her underlying wounds/anxiety in subtext or subtle ways.

Act 1: Ellie gets upset with her mother and Uncle Rudy for their lack of eco-interest; she gets upset with Luz for suggesting she get romantically involved. She nearly freaks out giving a class presentation to a bunch of uninterested, hostile, and denialist students. She is upset with Uncle Ely for not being effective in his eco-efforts. When Jim kisses her and she responds with budding sexuality, she gets upset at the prospect of being sucked into a doomed relationship. She humorously relies on a ridiculous compatibility test to reassure her about Jim.

Act 2: Ellie continues ignoring her inner warnings about getting involved with Jim, convincing herself he’d be the best thing for her and saving the earth, until a final blow up over him not wanting to invite her Uncle Ely to the wedding (he’s afraid with his Uncle Fred there the whole thing would blow up) and they call off the wedding. Ellie throws a fit (he pushes all her subtext triggers), all is revealed about Jim’s obligation to Fred and Ellie’s commitment to Ely and they break up.

Act 3: Ellie cannot overcome her love for Jim and they decide to try it again, taking it slow. This time she is aware of the issues and has matured somewhat and knows she must mature more. She struggles to change herself to make a go of it, agreeing not to invite Uncle Ely. During her Xmas with Jim & Uncle Fred she has to fake not being an eco-activist and fake happy to move to Houston where Jim will be working for Fred’s Oil Engineering Consultancy. She with Jim’s coaxing keeps convincing herself they’d be able to change Fred & it would work out, but she knows deep down it won’t. She is losing her passion for life, but pretends all is okay.

Act 4: With the freeze and black-out hitting it seems all is lost and the wedding and marriage is really doomed to failure (better before vows than after), until Ellie pulls up her strength of character and recklessly insists they have the wedding at Uncle Ely’s off-the-grid farm (at least they’d keep warm). Here is where the subtext tends to surface and much is revealed to others. Ellie may have some subtext in coaxing others to go along with moving the wedding venue to Ely’s farm, and to Ely in getting him to agree.

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Character Name: JIM HIGSON (male lead)

Subtext Identity: Has a father bereavement wound and needs family and faith. He is most concerned about getting a good wife — someone committed, religious, and into areas of his interest, which are opposed to his Uncle Fred’s plans for him. He needs this to weather the obligations he has to Fred and figures Ellie is the right gal for it. He’s more into Ellie than he is into eco-things.

Subtext Trait: He covers these up to the guys, trying to fit in (regular guy after sex, not wholesome marriage); hides his obligation to Fred from Ellie, figuring it would push her away; and hides his deepest interests and needs to Uncle Fred, who would oppose them. When threats to his goals or needs arise he gets upset, backs out…. xxx ??

Subtext Logline: Jim hides his deepest wounds and needs, but finds Ellie may be the perfect woman to fulfill these, but he has to hide his obligation to Uncle Fred, fearing it may push Ellie away.

Possible Areas of Subtext

Throughout the script Jim expresses his underlying wounds/anxiety in subtext or subtle ways, even opposite ways (surface happy, self-assured, deep down hurting).

Act 1: Uses whatever means he can to lure Ellie into his arms, even taking her stupid compatibility test, hiding his disbelief in all the (mostly silly to him) rigmarole. He hides his obligation to Fred from Ellie (such as when Ellie is overhearing him speak to Fred on his cell) and his relation to Fred from Ely.

Act 2: A continuation of this in Act 2, up until at Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn in prepping for the wedding, Rudy and Jim are against inviting Uncle Ely (Rudy bec Ely’s obnoxious; Jim bec he’d get into big fight with his Uncle Fred). Jim explodes (she pushes all his subtext triggers), all is revealed about Jim’s obligation to Fred and Ellie’s commitment to Ely and they break up.

Act 3: Jim realizes he loves Ellie and knows she’s right for him, so overcomes stubbornness (with lots of subtext) to give it another try, this time slower… subtext re their passion. He hides from Uncle Fred his interest in alt energy and climate issues, and also tells Ellie he’ll be able to convince Fred to change and allow alt energy consulting in his business — though both know that will be nearly impossible. He knows Ellie is losing her passion for life and he is too (neither will be able to achieve their dreams and goals), but he pretends all is fine. He toys thru subtext with breaking up just to give Ellie a chance to pursue her goals, but she’s in love and won’t leave him.

Act 4: With the freeze and black-out hitting it seems all is lost, until insists they have the wedding at Uncle Ely’s off-the-grid farm. Jim thinks it’ll be disaster then Uncle Fred shows up (suppresses/subtexts this), but at least they’d keep warm). His inner needs and goals are shouted to Fred and he figures it’ll be disaster. He sticks up for Ely, betrays Fred – which actually propels Fred into revealing the truth about tricking Sarah away from Ely…. And Fred becomes amenable adding alt energy consultancy to his business.

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Character Name: ELY PEREZ (triangle character)

Subtext Identity: Deeply wounded by his love Sarah leaving him for Fred Higson, climate anxiety and a sense all is doomed to failure, but with a strong ethic of never give up.

Subtext Trait: Grumpy old recluse, hair-trigger temper.

Subtext Logline: Wants to save the earth and is trying to use grand-niece Ellie (the only relative who gets along with him, puts up with him) to help him do that.

Possible Areas of Subtext

Throughout the script Jim expresses his underlying wounds/anxiety in subtext or subtle ways, even opposite ways.

Act 1: Ellie wants him to allow club visit to his off-the-grid farm, but he is angling to get her to take it over and help him.

Act 2: When students visit he makes all sorts of grumpy subtext references to eco-disaster, hopelessness in relationships, etc. He flies off the handle when he hears Jim’s last name. He assumes Jim is Fred’s son out to do him harm, but also muses about Sarah (Of course, your mother, poor woman…). Jim says he doesn’t know what Ely’s talking about, that he’s not Fred Higson’s son (hiding that he’s his nephew). Ely: “Of course, you could be related to Fred and into alt energy.”

Act 3: Mainly references to Uncle Ely in Act 3.

Act 4: With the freeze and black-out hitting, Ellie begs Ely to have the wedding in his barn. Ely is pissed he wasn’t invited and hates having people there, but doesn’t want to push away Ellie on whom he’s relying so much of this is subtext – excuses, under-the-breath comments. He finally relents and allows it. As guests come he makes various negative subtext references to eco-apocalypse and marriage doomed to failure. When Fred arrives there’s a big blow up, followed by resolution. Ely finds out Fred had tricked Sarah away from him (lying about Ely having another woman) and that she left Fred due to his infidelity, which heals his feeling about Sarah.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Actor attractors!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED how difficult this is, but necessary to lay out beforehand. The conflict/drama isn’t great enough now and I COULDN’T COME UP WITH MUCH ACTION for the characters (though the scenery and backdrop is pretty good). Even though this isn’t an action flick, but a rom-com, at this point it doesn’t come near the great action in the rom-com, THE PROPOSAL. I truly believe (empowering myself here) I’ll come up with more conflict and action ideas perhaps also during the writing process if not before.

Concept: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com): Two college students try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

Lead Character Name: Ellie Ferris

Role: Protagonist or Antagonist)

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

A climate activist who through family and romantic conflicts brings about climate solutions.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

She’s ice regarding future despair and romance, but in sleeping beauty fashion awakens to love and hope.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Leading trips to a turtle rescue center and whacky off-the-grid farm. Beach party antics. Kissing under a huge Jesus statue. Hugging, snuggling lead man during a freeze and black out. Being left at the altar by wedding guests. Rescuing cold stunned turtles.

I need to ORGANICALLY BUILD IN MORE INTERESTING ACTION for Ellie. Lots of great scenes, but not much interesting action so far (as in THE PROPOSAL), mostly talking heads and kisses.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

She’s putting up turtle rescue posters, expressing to her sidekick Luz her climate despair, their next event to an off-the-grid farm, and her lack of interest in romance. Wears sweaty summer clothes. All the while lead man Jim and his sidekick follow and overhear the “hot babes.” She confronts them. Jim protests he’s interested in the turtle rescue and wants her to talk about it to his class, but later tells his sidekick he’s going to save that turtle (Ellie). In the class denialist students give her a rough time, but Jim tries to rescue her. Afterwards she rants to Jim about denialists and her climate despair, but he perks up her interest when he focuses on her events, especially the off-the-grid farm.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range

Despair, to fear of connecting, to blossoming sexuality, to anger, to hope and maturity.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

She is mainly interested in Jim as someone who can take over Uncle Ely’s off-the-grid project and help in the climate effort, but hides that pretending she’s only into him. She later has to hide her activism when they’re with his Uncle Fred (oil engineer), and hide Jim’s connection and obligation to Fred with her Uncle Ely, who hates Fred. Throughout the movie she puts climate change in subtext to avoid controversy and confronting it.

Since I’m steering more to a G or PG Hallmark movie, there may not be much R-type sexy subtext ???

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

With Jim as her relationship with him helps draws her out of her shell, sexually, romantically, and spiritually.

With her two uncles: Ely the bitter grump, with whom she’s closer, and Rudy the positive, long married pastor.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

She abhors hurting people (and animals) but is okay with using them…. For the greater good of saving the earth (inner conflict). But she’s finding nothing seems to work, until she herself changes toward the end.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

She fears involvement, lives in despair, and has rejected religion because her father abandoned her at age 5 and her mother. This layer underlies her climate despair layer.

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Lead Character Name: Jim Higson

Role: Protagonist

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Hot, sexy guy, with a sensitive, religious side, but conflicted by an obligation.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Falls for a climate activist, who draws him into environmental activities and concerns. However, he’s under an obligation to his oil engineer uncle that will tear them apart.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Follows the “hot babes.” Beach party antics. Kisses lead lady under a huge Jesus statue. Into off-the-grid farm. Hugging, snuggling lead lady during a freeze and black out. Being left at the altar by wedding guests. Rescuing cold stunned turtles.

COULD USE MORE ACTION HERE.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Follows the “hot babes” but protests he’s only interested in the turtle rescue and invites the lead lady to give a talk. Talk backfires, upsets her, and he then cheers her with interest in her uncle’s off-the-grid farm.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range?

Guy sexy-hot for a gal, sensitive and willing to go along with her, meek and obliged to his uncle, angry when gal tells him not to invite his uncle, stubborn in reestablishing the relationship, very down about the break-up (still in love), angry with his uncle.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Pretends to be environmentally concerned to get it on with the lead lady. Doesn’t tell her about his commitment to his oil engineer uncle. Says he can get out of that obligation or change his uncle, when he knows he can’t.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

With the lead lady, falling for her, going to great lengths to be the man she wants, then it snaps when he just can’t go along anymore. But by then he loves her so a arduous effort to win her back and prevent family conflicts from interfering.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Hot, sexy guy, but with a sensitive, religious side. Meekly agreeable to please everyone, then strong to get what he really wants and needs.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

Sexy but religious and family-oriented.

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Lead Character Name: Ely Perez

Role: Antagonist — Triangle Character – Ellie’s great-uncle

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

Grumpy, argumentative old man into alternative energy who disrupts others’ plans and relationships

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

Flies off the handle regarding his arch enemy, the leading man’s oil engineer uncle. Wants to save the earth, but fails at efforts to outreach. Depends on his grand-niece Ellie, the only one he gets along with, to carry on his project.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Hosts the club’s field trip to his off-the-grid farm, a hilarious grove of weird wind generators, solar arrays, batteries. Hosts the wedding in his barn during the worst freeze and black out in Texas history. Helps with the rescue of cold stunned turtles.

COULD USE MORE ACTION HERE.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

After coming upon his crazy alt energy farm he comes out swinging in anger against various issues.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range?

Angry, grumpy, with a soft spot for Ellie, and changes to being more friendly, inviting, and helpful. Gives some serious heart-felt advice to Ellie, practically in tears over issues in his life.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

He’s angry that no one seems to be saving the earth, especially at denialist obstructionists like the lead man’s uncle, so even when he’s calm and nice, this comes out as subtext. Underlying this is his hurt from his enemy tricking the love of his life, Sarah, away from him.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

With Ellie, loving, dependent relationship. With Jim hopeful, then suspicious re Jim’s relationship to his uncle. With Jim’s uncle shear anger and hatred. With Ellie’s Uncle Rudy and her mother, contempt.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

Through his expression of environmental concern various frustrations and angers, and underlying this his life-altering hurt from losing his love.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

He is anti everything, except the environment and Ellie, but pushes her away and fails to do much positive for the environment because of his anger and frustrations.

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Lead Character Name: Fred Higson

Role: Antagonist — Triangle Character – Jim’s uncle

Much the same as for Ely Perez, grumpy, angry, opposing ideology to Ely’s, hates Ely, domineering and controlling of Jim (his substitute son), pushes people away. One difference is that he is deceitful, having tricked Ely’s love away from him, but she also left him so he’s also grumpy-bereaved.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Actor attractors for THE PROPOSAL

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED just how completely these characters of Margaret and Andrew, as well as Gammy (grandma) are very attractive to actors from their emotional range to their humorous antics, great subtext, and especially Margaret’s emotional journey and change. Reading the script and seeing the changes in the movie I also learned that a good script can be made much better in production.

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What would attract the actors to be in THE PROPOSAL

Criteria:

A. In your genre: Rom Com

B. Has big actors: Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds, also Betty White and Craig Nelson

C. Is a well known movie (but not a Marvel or DC movie).

For each lead character, list out the 9 Actor Attractors as I did with 3:10 TO YUMA. Use the Actor Attractor questions:

MARGARET TATE (Sandra)

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Tough AND sensitive, great comedienne. Tough businesswoman instilling fear in underlings, then becoming a fish out of water in Alaska, becoming an underling to her underling Andrew, and put through the ringer and test, coming to love Andrew’s whacky, loving family, until it breaks into her inner wound of being orphaned and changes her until she realizes she loves Andrew and his family and can’t go through with the sham.

2. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?

Willing to use Andrew & marry him to stay in the U.S., but seems uninterested in marriage or family… until later. Her fish out of water antics in Alaska trying to fool his family and trying to fit in are really funny. Great dialogue.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Whips through the office instilling fear, fires a loafer. Tries to get along with Andrew’s family, doing all sorts of out-of-character things, even doing a Native American ceremony with Grandma morphing it into raunchy disco dance. Falls in the water, rescued by Andrew. Fakes love for Andrew as she feelings are gradually awakened over the course of the movie.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Running on a treadmill, reading AND watching video scene, sees in mirror she’s not getting any younger (she’s attractive but puts everyone off), rushes to work doing business on cell. No niceties to employees, all back away and get to work at sight of her, fires a loafer. Then she finds out she will be deported and out of her job and she has to grovel and fake love for Andrew.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Tough, efficient; afraid of the INS guy and being deported; going along with Andrew’s family to a humorous extreme, letting loose in a raunchy disco dance with Gammy, worried she’ll hurt them; vulnerable due to losing her parents, in love & hurt by the breakup.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Concealing her real reason for marriage to the INS guy AND Andrew’s family. Hiding/suppressing her emotional wound about losing her parents and need for family (even from herself), which bursts out later. Covering her wound under a veneer of emotionlessness. We understand how she got to be mean, emotionless and insensitive.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With Andrew as she actually does fall in love with him and his family. With Andrew’s various family members, especially Grandma as she works to fool them into thinking the marriage is for real.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

Though she’s tough and business-minded her voice is sort of low-key and soft, and she’s good a fooling his family and trying to fit in, but later admits her inner wound and genuine love for his family and… Andrew. The ice-dam melts and emotions flood out.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Her desire to keep her position and stay in the US, even if it means faking a marriage and putting up with all sort of things against her grain, plus her growing desire not to hurt Andrew or his family.

===============================================

ANDREW PAXTON (Ryan)

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Ambitious career guy and writer willing to leave a loving family, being a wealthy businessman, the woman he loves, AND get into a sham marriage to prevent losing his career and advancing it, but has a loving family and soft side.

Romantic guy, good comedian. Aspiring assistant editor and writer wanting to get ahead and his manuscript published is willing to put up with overbearing Margaret as her assistant to advance and to escape his overbearing father and father’s business. Then he uses her predicament to bribe her into promoting him and in role reversal takes the upper hand with her.

2. What makes this character the SECOND most interesting character in the movie?

He’s willing to go along with Margaret to prevent losing his job and to advance his publishing career to the extent of marrying her AND his role switches from sycophantic underling to lording it over her.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

He puts on a fake show of being Margaret’s fiancé and makes her go on her knees and propose. Takes over as superior, being somewhat abusive (carry her own luggage, etc) as a payback for her meanness. Forced to kiss her, but that awakens his feelings for her. In a nude scene he bumps into her and they tumble and freak out. Saves her from drowning in icy water and has to hold, rub, and cuddle her, drawing him into loving her. Great comedic actions and dialogue.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Wakes up, sees the clock, mouths “sh—.” Runs to work. The coffee barista who has his 2 coffees ready is into him (he’s attractive). He brings coffee to Margaret and has everything lined up. Messages all underlings “the witch is on her broom” when she leaves her office to confront someone.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

From gravelling, efficient sycophant to lording it over Margaret, in conflict with his father, party guests make them kiss & his face shows it affected him, falling in love with the new/changing Margaret.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Obviously dislikes Margaret (witch comment), but does all for her AND to gets himself ahead and promoted. Fakes his love for Margaret and about the fake upcoming marriage to his family and the INS man. Begins to get attracted to Margaret, but covers that up from her and at first from himself.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

With Margaret. She’s using him, but he’s also using her. They have to fake their love… until they actually fall in love.

Conflict with overbearing father (sort of similar to that of overbearing Margaret), shunning family wealth and businesses.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

He can say some rough things under his breath and in the witch message, but then has fun tormenting Margaret at his parents’ home. Enjoys rattling off things he knows about Margaret for the INS from being her attentive, efficient underling, knowing she knows nada about him and has to struggle learning about him.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

Though his family is rich and he could have a great, wealthy (and wholesome) small town life taking over his father’s business, he has a different dream and ambition — to be a published writer and big NY editor. But down deep he’s a family guy and the perfect match for Margaret’s inner need for family and her similar interests in the publishing world.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Genre Conventions

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED the importance of bringing in the Rom Com genre conventions. However, I think much of the comedy will be coming up as I write, or I’ll have to do some more detailed outlining to bring in more comedy.

===================================================================

GIVE US THE FOLLOWING:

TITLE: Weathering It

CONCEPT: Two college students try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

GENRE: Rom-Com

CONVENTIONS OF ROM-COMS:

PURPOSE:​ To have the audience experience falling in love again.

THE JOURNEY OF LOVE:​ Two people go from their:
1. “cute-meet” to
2. denial of love to
3. overwhelming attraction to
4. breaking up over differences
to
5. finally reuniting and
experiencing the love of their life.

RELATIONSHIP SET-UP:​ From the moment of the “cute-meet.” we see the romantic future for the couple, even if they refuse to believe it.

ISSUES:​ Each person has an internal personal issue that must be resolved for them to truly be together. This requires personal growth for them to become a couple.

SEPARATION:​ Either physically or because of a specific situation, something keeps this couple apart. It is this separation that causes the audience to yearn for them to come together.

COMEDY:​ Relationship and personal issues are dealt with through humor. As we laugh at the embarrassing moments on the screen, the audience feels better about their relationships. NOTE: most of these comedic moments are too specific for inclusion here… many will come up with the writing.

===================================================================

ACT 1 (20-25 pp or 5-8 scenes)

OPENING: Ellie and sidekick Luz are putting up posters for the Turtle Rescue Center trip around the college campus for their Environmental Club. They despair over people not doing enough to mitigate climate change (expressing their hopeless climate anxiety). Luz also asks if Ellie has arranged for the next trip to her great uncle’s off-the-grid farm. Not yet (worried). Then Luz brings up how a club member wants to date her and is willing to take Ellie’s test (mystery), but Ellie demurs, not interested in romantic involvement; Luz warns her not to retreat into her turtle shell (ISSUES, Denial of Love beforehand).

JIM’S “CUTE-MEET” – attracted to Ellie: The whole time Jim and friend Mack have been following the “babes,” overhearing, and Jim tells Mack he is going to save that turtle (Ellie), but Mack warns that it looks complicated, a difficult conquest. The girls turn and accuse the guys following them (COMEDY). Jim steps forward and says no, he wants to go on the trip and could Ellie come and give a presentation about it to his Business and Environment class.

During the presentation students ask Ellie rough questions, fluster her. Jim comes to her rescue, negative response, then Ellie has to come to his rescue, which also fails (COMEDY).

Ellie’s goes to Uncle Ely’s farm to make plans for the club’s trip. It is an old farm with huge barn and silo but no crops or animals, just a grove of weird (COMEDIC) wind generators and solar arrays. We find out how cantankerous and bitter Ely is, but he reluctantly agrees to the club visit. Ely wants Ellie to help him his project, but she, a journalism major, figures she wouldn’t be much use — everything is doomed she figures. Ely agrees but coaches her to never give up. ELLIE’S GOAL ISSUES – she is committed to Ely and his project & “saving the earth,” which will interfere with her love for Jim.

INCITING INCIDENT: At the beach party after the Turtle Rescue Center trip Jim kisses Ellie – she’s surprised by her feelings for him. RELATIONSHIP SET-UP, ELLIE’S “CUTE-MEET: attracted to Jim

Ellie briefly visits her Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn business to run a story on it and get him to put an ad in the student magazine. Rudy notes that she seems to be in love and says when her time comes he’ll do her wedding venue for her at cost. Ellie insists she won’t ever need that (denial of love)

TURNING POINT: After Jim takes Ellie’s stupid compatibility test (COMEDY) Ellie is ready to date Jim. (Increased attraction)

————————————————————-

ACT 2 (20-30 pp or 5-9 scenes)

NEW PLAN: Ellie and Jim date and talk about marriage as a general topic (COMEDIC SUBTEXT). Jim is eager to go to Ely’s farm.

Several scenes with Jim and his Uncle Fred on the phone let us understand that (1) Fred is paying for Jim’s education, (2) Jim is obliged to work for Fred in his Houston-based Petroleum Engineering Consultancy firm, (3) Fred is upset Jim is taking the Bus and Environment course, and (4) Fred hates any mention of alternative energy. JIM’S EXTERNAL ISSUES – his obligation would thwart Ellie’s goals. Since Ellie is with Jim during one or more of these calls, he has to hide stuff from her while not upsetting Fred (COMEDY)

PLAN IN ACTION: The club and Jim visit Ely’s farm. They see in the silo Ely’s big battery he invented, but aren’t allowed in his tack room — something he’s working on. Jim enthralled by Ely and the magical (as he sees it) farm proposes to Ellie. At the end when Ely learns Jim’s last name is Higson, he flies off the handle re Fred Higson, his arch enemy. They had both majored in engineering together decades ago. Jim assures Ely he is not Fred’s son (hiding his connection to Fred). (COMEDY)

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: By the end of the Spring semester Ellie and Jim have decided to marry in summer. They go to Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn to discuss plans. Rudy tells them they’ll need to making guest lists, but advises Ellie not to invite Uncle Ely since he would disrupt the whole thing and he’s against marriage anyway. Ellie disagrees because she’s committed to Ely and his project. Jim sides with Rudy, knowing his own uncle is a grumpy guy, and that Ely hates him — it would disrupt the wedding. Ellie angered tells Jim not to invite his uncle. There’s a big fight and all sorts of issues are revealed. They decide to call it off. (BREAK UP OVER DIFFERENCES)

SEPARATION: In the following scenes it is obvious that Ellie and Jim are still very much in love. (OUTWARD DENIAL OF LOVE, INWARD INCREASING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF LOVE)

————————————————————–

ACT 3 (25 pp (20-30 pp or 5-9 scenes)

RETHINK EVERYTHING: Ellie and Jim come to realize they cannot live without each other and they finally decide to get married, but take it slowly this time and have their wedding end of January, whittling it down from 6 to 3 months. (COMEDY)

However, Ellie seems to have lost her life goals and energy, knowing she will have to move to Houston where Jim will work for Fred. She agrees not to invite Ely to the wedding. She puts on airs that everything is fine while suffering inside (COMEDY)

NEW PLAN: Jim assures Ellie he will do what he can to convince Fred to include energy conservation and efficiency more in the consultancy firm, maybe even get Fred into alt energy consultancy — which they both realize will be impossible.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE / MAJOR SHIFT: JUST BEFORE THE WEDDING THE WORST-EVER TEXAS FREEZE HITS AND THE POWER GOES OFF IN THE ENTIRE REGION, INCLUDING AT THE MARRIAGE BARN. Since the Marriage Barn is booked solid until spring, Ellie and Jim will have to wait, but everyone, including the couple know their relationship is doomed for various reasons. Ellie and Jim know they are miserable because they can’t realize their true goals under Jim’s obligation to Fred. Jim figures at least Ellie should be free to pursue her goals. They call off the wedding. (A SECOND BREAK UP over circumstances and differences, while love has increased so much it makes this painful)

—————————————————————

ACT 4 (25 pp or 6-8 scenes)

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT: Ellie then takes charge and says the wedding will go through, though she doesn’t know how. She assures Jim they will convince Uncle Fred to let Jim off the hook so he can pursue his goals. Love for Jim has given her a hope and belief for a good future she never had before, and strength of character she’d at least die trying.

Lightbulb moment — Ellie says they could have the wedding at Uncle Ely’s off-the-grid farm, the only place that has electricity, lights and heat. Jim, figuring the wedding and marriage is doomed anyway, says why not, knowing Ely and Fred would tear apart the whole thing. But at least they’d all keep warm at Ely’s farm.

WHEN FRED ARRIVES the explosion between him and Ely is worse than expected. It turns out Fred had tricked Ely’s love-of-his-life Sarah away from him.

Ellie scolds Ely for fighting, but Jim takes Ely’s side regarding alt energy, stands up to Fred, shows him Ely’s big battery invention in his silo, and his hydrogen electrolyser and fuel cell generator in the tack room now fully functional..

RESOLUTION: Fred relents, tells Ely that Sarah divorced him after two years, and he regrets what he did to Ely. Fred is impressed with Ely’s inventions. Talk about marketing them. Fred is now open to Jim’s requests that he get into energy efficiency and conservation and alt energy. The batteries are starting to run low, no sun or wind for the alt energy — will the couple ever get married? (COMEDY)

Finally Jim and Ellie happily make their vows. (REUNITING AND EXPERIENCING THE LOVE OF THEIR LIFE)

The cell texts buzz, disrupting the wedding before the grand kiss and the after party. The Turtle Rescue Center is calling everyone to come help save the 1000s of cold-stunned turtles. All the wedding guests rush out. (<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>COMEDY)

Closing scene, they are all bunded up in winter jackets, including Ely and Fred, saving turtles at the beach. Ellie and Jim TAKE A SHORT BREAK TO HAVE THEIR GRAND KISS, then back to saving turtles.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Just a comment on the 4-Act Structure.

I’ve been thinking it’s 4 acts all along, since Act 2 in the 3-Act Structure is twice as long as Acts 1 and 3, plus there is a very dramatic mid-point sort of breaking Act 2 into 2 parts.

Also as an anthropologist I know that threes are an Indo-European cultural construct — the 3 bears, the 3 little pigs, 3 wishes, the Christian and Hindu trinities, etc. It’s everywhere in our culture.

Native Americans favor the number 4 — the 4 cardinal directions, etc. So, wow, the 4-Act structure fits with Native American culture 🙂

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED from this lesson and Lesson 3 that I needed a greater arc (worse old ways, bigger change) for Ellie, which I think will enhance the story & explain the initial desire for her to marry Jim before their 1st breakup, because she thinks he can do what she can’t/won’t do, letting her remain in her shell and old ways — not a good foundation for marriage.

=================================================================

GIVE US THE FOLLOWING:

CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (RomCom) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

MAIN CONFLICT: As a RomCom it is this couple belongs together, but they have a very hard time getting together and making it work, for one thing because each has loyalty to her/his own uncle and those uncles are bitterly opposed to each other.

ELLIE’S

Old Ways: afraid to go outside her comfort zone and petition denialists and those not “eco-aware” and afraid to get romantically involved, rejecting/hurting guys who try to love her, disappointed with mother & Uncle Rudy because they aren’t doing the eco-things she thinks they should.

New Ways: to confronting and appealing to everyone about eco-harms, helping them to get into the program, and getting involved with & married to Jim

JIM’S

Old Ways: Does whatever others want (which is partly good, helping others with their goals), afraid to confront Uncle Fred.

New Ways: Stands up to Uncle Fred, working toward his own goals and bringing the others’ goal into alignment with his.

ELY’S (Ellie’s great-uncle)

Old Ways: living alone convinced he is doing good and right by doing his part for the world; self-righteous; very cranky, grumpy, and angry

New Ways: inviting others into his world and heart, learning humility, forgiveness and how to really help others.

————————————————————-

ACT 1 (20-25 pp or 6-10 scenes)

OPENING: Ellie and sidekick Luz are putting up posters for the Turtle Rescue Center trip around the college campus for their Environmental Club. They despair over people not doing enough to mitigate climate change (expressing their hopeless climate anxiety). Luz also asks if Ellie has arranged for the next trip to her great uncle’s off-the-grid farm. Not yet (worried). Then Luz brings up how a club member wants to date her and is willing to take Ellie’s test (mystery), but Ellie demurs, not interested in romantic involvement; Luz warns her not to retreat into her turtle shell.

The whole time Jim and friend Mack have been following the “babes,” overhearing, and Jim tells Mack he is going to save that turtle (Ellie), but Mack warns that it looks complicated, a difficult conquest. The girls turn and accuse the guys following them. Jim steps forward and says no, he wants to go on the trip and could Ellie come and give a presentation about it to his Business and Environment class.

During the presentation students ask Ellie rough questions, put her down. Jim comes to her rescue.

Ellie’s goes to Uncle Ely’s farm to make plans for the club’s trip. It is an old farm with huge barn and silo but no crops or animals, just a grove of weird wind generators and solar arrays. We find out how cantankerous and bitter Ely is, but he reluctantly agrees to the club visit. Ely wants Ellie to help him with his project, but she, a journalism major, figures she wouldn’t be much use — everything is doomed she figures. Ely agrees but coaches her to never give up.

INCITING INCIDENT: At the beach party after the Turtle Rescue Center trip Jim kisses Ellie – she’s surprised by her feelings for him.

Ellie briefly visits her Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn business to run a story on it. Rudy says when her time comes he’ll do her wedding venue at cost.

TURNING POINT: After Jim takes Ellie’s stupid compatibility test Ellie is ready to date Jim. And he has an engineering degree with knowledge about alt energy and working on an MBA — things Ellie figures will help in the environmental movement.

————————————————————-

ACT 2 (20-30 pp or 6-11 scenes)

NEW PLAN: Ellie and Jim date and talk about marriage. Jim is eager to go to Ely’s farm.

Several scenes with Jim and his Uncle Fred on the phone let us understand that (1) Fred is paying for Jim’s education and (2) Jim is obliged to work for Fred in is Petroleum Engineering Consultancy firm.

PLAN IN ACTION: The club and Jim visit Ely’s farm. They see in the silo Ely’s big battery he invented, but aren’t allowed in his tack room — something he’s working on. Jim enthralled by Ely and the magical (as he sees it) farm PROPOSES TO ELLIE. At the end when Ely learns Jim’s last name is Higson, he flies off the handle re Fred Higson, his arch enemy. They had both majored in engineering together decades ago. Jim assures Ely he is not Fred’s son, hiding his connection to Fred.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT: By the end of the Spring semester Ellie and Jim have decided to marry in summer. They go to Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn to discuss plans. Rudy tells them they’ll need to making guest lists, but advises Ellie not to invite Uncle Ely since he’d disrupt it. Ellie disagrees. Jim sides with Rudy, knowing his own uncle hates alt energy and that Ely hates him. Ellie angered tells Jim not to invite his uncle. There’s a big fight and various issues are revealed. They decide to call it off.

In the following scenes it is obvious that Ellie and Jim are still very much in love.

————————————————————–

ACT 3 (25 pp (20-30 pp or 6-10 scenes)

RETHINK EVERYTHING: Ellie and Jim come to realize they cannot live without each other and they finally decide to get married, but take it slowly this time and have their wedding end of January.

However, Ellie seems to have lost her life goals and what little energy she had, knowing she will have to move to Houston where Jim will work for Fred. She agrees not to invite Ely to the wedding.

NEW PLAN: Jim assures Ellie he will do what he can to convince Fred to include energy conservation and efficiency in the consultancy firm, maybe even get Fred into alt energy consultancy — which they both realize will be impossible.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE / MAJOR SHIFT: JUST BEFORE THE WEDDING THE WORST-EVER TEXAS FREEZE HITS AND THE POWER GOES OFF IN THE ENTIRE REGION, INCLUDING AT THE MARRIAGE BARN. Since the Marriage Barn is booked solid until spring, Ellie and Jim will have to wait, but everyone, including the couple know their relationship is doomed. Ellie and Jim are miserable because they can’t realize their true goals under Uncle Fred. Jim figures at least Ellie should be free to pursue her goals. They call off the wedding again.

—————————————————————

ACT 4 (25 pp or 6-10 scenes)

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT: Ellie then takes charge and says the wedding will go through, though she doesn’t know how. She assures Jim they will convince Uncle Fred to let Jim off the hook so he can pursue his goals. Love for Jim has given her a hope and belief for a good future she never had before, and Uncles Ely and Rudy have coached in her strength of character that she should at least die trying.

Lightbulb moment — Ellie says they could have the wedding at Uncle Ely’s off-the-grid farm, the only place that has electricity, lights and heat. Jim, figuring the marriage is doomed anyway, says why not, knowing Ely and Fred would tear it apart. But at least they’d all keep warm at Ely’s farm.

WHEN FRED ARRIVES at the farm the explosion with Ely is worse than expected. It turns out Fred had tricked Ely’s love-of-his-life Sarah away from him.

Ellie scolds Ely for fighting, but Jim takes Ely’s side regarding alt energy, stands up to Fred, shows him Ely’s big battery invention and his hydrogen electrolyser and fuel cell generator in the tack room now fully functional and helping warm & light the farm.

RESOLUTION: Ellie coaxes Fred to relent. Fred tells Ely that Sarah divorced him after two years, and he regrets what he did to Ely. Fred is impressed with Ely’s inventions. There’s talk about marketing them. Fred is now open to Jim’s requests that he get into energy efficiency and conservation and alt energy.

Jim and Ellie now happily make their vows. Cell texts buzz. The Turtle Rescue Center is calling everyone to come help save the 1000s of cold-stunned turtles. The wedding guests rush out.

Closing scene, they are all bunded up in winter jackets, including Ely and Fred, saving turtles at the beach.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Subtext Plot

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that figuring out these subtext plots (at least main ones) are really important before jumping into a plot outline or beat sheet, since they sort of color a lot of things along the way – and figuring them out will probably reduce the need for a lot of unnecessary rewriting. Also there could be other minor subtext plots cropping up, which may add to rewriting.

I’d better post now or I’ll be flooding this with more ideas.

========================================================================

CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (RomCom) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

SUBTEXT PLOTS & HOW THEY WILL PLAY OUT:

Someone Hides Who They Are & Superior Position: Jim fears Ellie’s reaction so he doesn’t let on that his uncle runs an oil engineering consultancy, that he’s funding Jim’s education, & that Jim is obligated to work for him in Houston after college; Jim hides that he is related to Fred Higson the major donor to the Higson College of Engineering. Ellie doesn’t let Jim know that she plans to join her Great-uncle Ely in his efforts at climate activism. Ellie and Jim have only agreed they don’t need to settle in McBride (fictitious name) in South Texas, both indicating (or assuming) that their post-college careers are flexible regarding where they can settle.

Though we the audience find these things out in Act 1, Ellie and Jim don’t find out until mid-Act 2 when they get into a big argument and call off their wedding plans.

Layering the Uncles’ feud: Ellie’s Great-uncle Ely and Jim’s Uncle Fred are bitter opponents in the climate change debate. Ellie & Jim fight over their wedding invitation list – Jim not wanting to invite Ely, to whom Ellie is devoted (much more than Jim realized), since he’s a trouble-maker. Jim knows his own Uncle Fred is a trouble-maker and that Ely bitterly hates Fred, which would cause a big disruption to the wedding if Ely were there, but since Fred funds Jim’s education (and will help with the wedding) he has to be invited. This fight is the main reason they call off the wedding midpoint Act 2. Toward the end of Act 3 we learn the uncles’ feud goes much deeper than ideological differences: Fred tricked Ely’s love-of-his-life Sarah away from him during their college days, which turned Ely into a grumpy old hermit and against marriage, which also contributed to Ellie being romance-shy in Act 1, along with her and her mother having been abandoned by her father.

Layering the weather: The opening scene is set during sweltering hot spring weather portending an even hotter summer, which implies global warming and underlying climate anxiety for Ellie & friends (which colors their lives), while denialists in later scenes argue that weather fluctuations do not imply global warming. Then the biggy – the worst ever Texas freeze in the Act 3 winter, which denialist Uncle Fred jumps on as proof global warming is not happening. Until Ellie’s Uncle Ely informs them that the weird freeze is actually caused by global warming, as it makes negative arctic oscillations and Rossby waves much worse causing more ferocious polar temps to jet stream down south. The state-wide power outage following on the heels of the freeze leads to change of wedding venue to Uncle Ely’s off-the-grid farm – he’s now not only invited, but the host. Uh-oh!
As a weather subplot around the trip to the TURTLE RESCUE CENTER (big in Act 1) we learn that, aside from the other problems turtles face, the warming temperatures are leading to a severe dearth of male turtles. Someone then starts the rumor that global warming will lead to less (human) males; we know it’s Ellie’s environmental club sidekick Luz, but Ellie gets blamed. Also in the 1st scene as Ellie and Luz put up posters for the Turtle Rescue Center trip, Luz tells Ellie not to withdraw into her turtle shell re romance; Jim and friend following the “babes” overhear them and Jim tell his friend he wants to rescue that turtle (Ellie). And then at the end of Act 3 during the severe freeze, right after they say “I do” at the wedding but before the grand kiss, text messages go abuzz — the Turtle Rescue Center needs everyone to come rescue 1000s of cold-stunned turtles. They all rush out, with Ely and Fred also joining in.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Transformational Journey

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that I could create before & after ideas that show a better character journey than just starting out writing the script, which has me further looking for backstories that explain the injured/stymied starting points and various personality types that fit, etc.

WEATHERING IT (RomCom) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

——————————-

ELLIE FERRIS’S JOURNEY

TELL US THE CHARACTER ARC FOR YOUR PROTAGONIST 1

Arc Beginning: Ellie is unable to get others involved in eco activism and she’s afraid of romantic involvements

Arc Ending: Ellie has gotten the big oil engineer & arch climate denialist to do the right/better thing and gets happily married to his nephew, plus brings her hermit Uncle Ely out of his shell.

—————————————————————

GIVE US THEIR INTERNAL/EXTERNAL JOURNEY

Internal Journey: Ellie goes from the wound of her father abandonment and climate anxiety (she feels/knows everything, including marriage and the fate of the world, is doomed to failure) to overcoming her wound/anxieties and feeling confident and happy that she can do something realistic and important and make marriage work and help “save the earth.”

External Journey: Ellie goes from causing her own failures to be effective and avoiding romantic entanglements to doing something positive, her part in “saving the earth” and to getting happily married.

—————————————————————-

TELL US THEIR OLD WAYS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE AND THEIR NEW WAYS AT THE END

Old Ways: afraid to go outside her comfort zone and petition denialists and those not “eco-aware” and afraid to get romantically involved, rejecting/hurting guys who try to love her.

New Ways: to confronting and appealing to everyone about eco-harms, helping them to get into the program, and getting involved with & married to Jim

=========================================================================

JIM HIGSON’S JOURNEY

TELL US THE CHARACTER ARC FOR YOUR PROTAGONIST 2

Arc Beginning: Jim is afraid to cross his Uncle Fred (runs a big oil engineering consultancy and is an arch climate denialist) to do what he really wants to do

Arc Ending: Jim goes against his uncle both in marrying Ellie and in reducing his obligation to Uncle Fred, and with Ellie’s help convinces Fred to go into energy efficiency/conservation and alt energy consulting.

—————————————————————

GIVE US THEIR INTERNAL/EXTERNAL JOURNEY

Internal Journey: Jim hurts from losing his father to death and is afraid his uncle will cut off his college funds, feels the need to deny himself and please his uncle to being independent and being happy with Ellie, who gives him the love he felt lacking. Maybe he’s afraid his uncle (who has a heart condition) will die, again leaving him fatherless again. From weak to strong.

External Journey: Jim is following his uncle’s wishes against his own inclinations to he’s following his dream of doing something good for humanity & establishing a family with Ellie.

—————————————————————-

TELL US THEIR OLD WAYS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE AND THEIR NEW WAYS AT THE END

Old Ways: Jim does whatever others want (which is partly good, helping others with their goals)

New Ways: Jim is working toward his own goals and bringing the others’ goals into alignment with his.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Intentional Lead Characters

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that developing main characters for my screenplay is a bit difficult. I started several weeks ago and couldn’t for the life of me figure out what their professions were…. until I realized they are college students, idealistic, future-oriented, more mature than teens, but not as strong and set in their ways as older adults, which fit the script concept much better.

WEATHERING IT (RomCom) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

——————————-

LEAD CHARACTERS

PROTAGONIST 1: Ellie Ferris

LOGLINE: Ellie, a journalism major in college, is committed to mitigating climate change and not letting romance or marriage get in the way, but falls hard for Jim.

UNIQUE: Ellie’s father abandoned her and her mother when she was five and she fears marriage would be doomed to heartbreak and failure, and this also feeds into her “climate anxiety,” shared by other members of her Environmental Club.

————

PROTAGONIST 2: Jim Higson

LOGLINE: Jim, an MBA student with a BS in petroleum engineering obliged to work for his overbearing Uncle Fred’s Oil Engineering Consultancy firm, falls hard for Ellie.

UNIQUE: Jim has a strong faith in marriage as his father was happily married to his mother until his death.

————

DRAMATIC TRIANGLE CHARACTER: Ely (Elias) Perez

LOGLINE: Ely, a grumpy hermit living on his off-the-grid farm, tries to get his devoted grandniece Ellie to take over his Off-The-Gridder campaign and dump Jim.

UNIQUE: Ely went to college decades ago with Jim’s uncle, who tricked the love of his life away from him; he’s opposed to marriage.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED that Rom-Coms have a different character structure (I’ve just now been reading a book on writing Rom-Coms, which says the same thing), so this is really really going to help me in developing a great outline. I would have been in deep water over my head without swimming lessons otherwise.

TITLE: Weathering It

CONCEPT: Two college students try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

CHARACTER STRUCTURE: Rom-Com with Two Characters Owning the Story

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I learned the empowerment of positive thinking :). Seems I knew that in 3rd grade; when I was really bad at spelling, I started telling others that spelling was my favorite subject… and my spelling improved. Why did I forget that all these years?

Staying in the creative process without letting the quest for perfection derail me.

Giving feedback to others is more beneficial than getting feedback… like when I was teaching I often felt I learned more than the students did.

I’ve already dealt with feedback & script analyses issues, going from “What the #&$#,” to “maybe he/she has a small point in a small area,” to “yes, I really do need to rewrite my script, not just proof it.” But it was good to hear about feedback issues. I learned to consider what areas that a particular analyst is good in and focus on those areas.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Hi everyone,

I’ve written 4 scripts, all involving climate change. They’ve done well winning various contests, but have weaknesses. I hope this course will help me do better on my next ones.

I’ve taken many “free” classes here and several shorter courses, such as the ones on dialogue, rewriting, and subtext.

I’m a retired anthropology professor, but have been writing fiction for decades — including a published romance novella, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, set in India. 😁

I recently attended (online) The Hollywood Climate Summit – Writing Climate: Pitchfest for TV & Film. It was really educational with great tips for climate change screenwriting.

Lynn Vincentnathan

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Hi everyone,

My name is Lynn Vincentnathan (not “Lyn”). I may not be able to attend during the regular time slots or return assignments on time, but will do my best.

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Saw your concern about 1st cousin marriage on video. As an anthropologist I can say that is quite common around the world & in some place one has to marry their 1st cousin (either their cross-cousin or parallel cousin), also they found 1st cousin marriages in villages in Germany.
Also, there are states in the US that allow it, and some even expect or prefer it. I remember reading about a Tennessee pastor and his wife (1st cousins) being assigned to a church in Illinois. They had to get a divorce since 1st cousin marriage in IL was not allowed. 1st cousin marriage is allowed in Tennessee, South Carolina, and Rhode Island.
So I don’t think there is any problem. Plus if they never knew each other before meeting as adults, it just seems okay to me. But it does make a good separation issue. Maybe he or she could point out that 1st cousin marriages are permitted in some states and areas of the world. That would be funny if he’s thinking they have to move to some far off boondocks country.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I like your concept and characters. My idea for a future script is very slightly like your — he doesn’t want children, but they have one. She ?? divorces him and shuns him away (he has a career in another city anyway) because she wants to protect their son from all negativity (like Buddha’s parents). But eventually he comes back and in the end helps his son deal creatively with negative aspects of life (from which no one can really escape)… Your ideas have really helped me get into that story now.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Love your concept and characters. I’m thinking it is a wee bit similar to A CALIFORNAI CHRISTMAS (Netflix) in which a real estate guy is sent to buy out the gal’s winery and by mistaken ID he ends up working on that winery in disguise as the foreman they expected to arrive.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

My problem was that I wanted the meeting-in-person to be the only meet-cute, but it comes at the end of Act 2 on page 36 in the Hallmark 9-Act structure. I was aiming for it to happen at the end of Act 1 (on page 25). When that didn’t happen, I went back and had Ethan make a negative comment on Tilly’s magazine page on p 14, and her negative reaction on p 15.

I was aware that meeting in person can come late as in SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE, but I think most in-person meet-cutes happen before p 15. So I made sure they were aware of each other early enough (him on p 7, her on p 15 under his pseudonym). But when they meet in person in a positive way (she saves his life) they don’t recognize each other at first, and I think the 1st negative meet-cute strengthens the suspense, because the audience knows who they are.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

This sounds like it could fit the Hallmark-type rom-com. If it’s their 25 reunion there are some older Hallmark-type favorite actresses and actors who could be brought in. A story re proms and later coming back to the high school is Rick Garman’s PixL TV script LATE BLOOMER at https://rickgarman.com/projects/tv-movies/late-bloomer/ (script linked on that page). It’s a different story, but has couple of similarities. The career woman coming back to her small town and falling for the man there is much loved among Hallmark viewers.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Not sure if this fits re the ill father (yours is not Hallmark), but this article is what got me started on my Hallmark holiday ideas: “How Hallmark Christmas movies help me process grief” at https://www.americamagazine.org/faith/2023/12/22/hallmark-movies-grief-christmas-246774

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

This is important — hope it gets made and helps heal the polarization.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Loved your “The setup naturally lends itself to comedy because these two people are putting forward their worst selves.” I also use a bit of that on the man’s side when Ethan is trying to dissuade Tilly from falling for him, bec his best friend (thinks he) loves her. She keeps countering it and even finds good in his flaws, etc.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I recently read a double couple RomCom (one straight, one gay) you may be interested in. It’s Notes of Autumn by Rick Garman, available on his website: https://rickgarman.com/projects/tv-movies/

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

You’re doing great. Bollywood. In Chennai, there is Kollywood (in Kodambakkam) for Tamil movies. People may not know that India has the largest movie industry in the world, partly because of the many languages for which they need movies. Also we know people from Iran and Africa who just love Indian movies. Can’t get enough of them.

My nephew in India was into movies until his mom steered him into a more certain career (he’s in Australia now).

I wrote a Harlequin type romance novella set in India decades ago (published), THE MARRIAGE SEASON. I haven’t yet felt the call to write a screenplay set in India, but who knows…

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Wow. You’re doing good.
My current and the one I’m planning are Hallmark-type Christmas screenplays, with a slight mention of global warming. So they might not go with Hallmark, but maybe with some other holiday movie prodco/distributor.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Somehow I thought you lived in the Pacific NW. My story is set in the fictitious town of Silver Bells, CO — 2+ hours west of Denver. Also my sister lives in Lyons.

While looking up stuff I found that a favorite Hallmark movie star was a featured guest at the Estes Park holiday to-do some years back. And there’s a whole series of novels about the fictitious town Christmas, CO, and a movie based on one of those. I’ll send you the script.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Hi Renee. Good to see you. Big Foot and Yeti get a mention in my current Hallmark-type romcom. 🙂

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Wow, I’m from southern California, but went up to San Francisco just out of high school in 1965, hung around the Bay area until 1971, married my husband from India at Berkeley where I did my BA in Anthropology.
From 1965 to 1967 I lived in the Sunset Dt, and when the Hippie movement started in the Haight-Ashbury, they had to reroute my bus around it. My sister came a couple of years later as a Hippie there. In grad school in the 70s I wrote a term paper on the Hippie Movement as a Revitalization Movement.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Thanks, Jeremy. That really helped.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Wow, what a cliffhanger and twist. I think Maxine does sound snobbish about the age thing… it almost seems she knows Renee is the other woman. As for emotionally wounded, I’m thinking this is something that is happening now — she’s getting wounded by going into a loveless marriage and having to sneak around it to have her love. Or maybe her own parents were divorced or had a loveless marriage… Maybe she’s paranoid about the other woman or others perhaps finding out her secret, which could be a cliffhanger topper to your cliffhanger….

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Got in a lot of the ITs and core traits.

Loved the surprise ending, though not exactly a cliffhanger. The obvious implication that Renee had done just the same thing to get a promotion that Maxine was planning to do…

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Gripping story. Lots of ITs and core traits. But it was supposed to end in a botched job (like the bad guy got away or something), so maybe you need another short scene to show that.

Not sure what the drag queen thing was about, unless the cash was for a tip or something.

Also wondered why Nancy was taking care of Squire’s sister… but in a full script that may have been explained earlier.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

This is a good one. Nearly all the ITs and core traits. Really a great cliffhanger with the lady stealing stuff because they didn’t clean/check the bathrooms. Not sure if it fits for Nancy to also have taken some money (thought she did that so Squire would later get the blame), but maybe she just checks the money drawer and sees it’s okay and closes it….

BTW, this is what happened to us at a church event — an elderly woman stayed after and stole stuff. And that same woman, who is known for doing that at various events around town, also came to our gym during my aerobics class. I made sure my purse was in a place I could view.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

The story worked well with character traits and ITs, but seemed a bit too complex. Maybe the first scene without Squire could be reduced a bit.

Also it was a surprise that the set fell down, though I was expecting some kind of retaliation. And a shock when someone was injured, but the dress rehearsal goes on? But it was a total disaster….

Also doofus me, I didn’t know what MIP was, had to look it up — monthly investment plan, mortgage indemnity premium, marine insurance policy, and finally adding “slang” to the search “Minor In Possession (drugs).” I tend to put definitions in [] if I think the word will make the reader look it up. Like I used “Tejana” in my screenplay, but followed it with [Latina] the first time I used it.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Good job, but I think Squire’s seductive remarks might be cut perhaps even in half with the same effect. The whole thing on stage was an embarrassing moment par excellence.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Thanks, Jeremy. I reduced some of the dialogue, put it in fragments when possible.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Gripping scene. Got most of the character traits. Not sure what “put in” means here, perhaps getting drunk? It would fit Squire’s happy-go-lucky.

The hook and suspense (disaster brewing) were quite strong throughout. Plenty of predictions, dilemma, mystery, something unseen, creating a future, anticipatory dialogue and uncomfortable moments.

A good cliff-hanger.

You got it all in!

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Good work, Alfred. I think you got nearly all the Part 2 Techniques and character traits/subtext in that scene. It took me a series of scenes to get all/most in.

Nancy, the competitive/efficient, caring one, Squire the happy-go-lucky/joker/seducer.

To me the initial hook would be putting a woman (Nancy) in charge of a man (Squire) who is her equal co-worker — it’s still a man’s world (as my draughtsman Mom used to say 60 years ago). Other than that I didn’t see any early hooks, though Nancy’s idea of arranging the animals according to the Bible/evolution was a hook, as well as showing her character traits competitive/organizer.

Insisting cats coming first, that showed Nancy’s stubbornness and confrontational traits.

And putting the cats and dogs close, with Squire saying she’ll be sorry, was a zinger — creating a future, anticipatory dialogue, prediction, some suspense (audience in a superior position knowing it probably won’t work out).

Good suspense was created and sustained first by the dogs getting out, then other animals getting loose.

Something unseen came in with the snake being lost somewhere in the store.

It was a cliff-hanger when the Manager arrives.

I couldn’t find “mystery,” except maybe as to whether Squire was married or not, but since so many other techniques had been included, mystery was unnecessary.

I don’t really have any strong criticisms. Maybe the seductive part was overdone, but not sure. There was a slight feel of this not being very “organic” (fitting together naturally as if meant to be) I think because of the assignment to put as many techniques and character traits in as possible. But I think it’s okay the way it is. And I even think “technique” supersedes “organic.”

Good for a humorous comedy. Sort of reminded me of Sam and Diane in CHEERS. BTW, I liked your story/scene better than the one Hal critiqued. Maybe because practical jokes turn me off, esp if they cause people to die or get a heart attack.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

This an improvement, esp the back & forth suspense for Nic whether John will discover the body.

RE your response to my earlier feedback, I knew it wasn’t John who killed Stephanie, but thought it might be Nic’s mother, since it would be too hard for Nic to stuff the body into the hamper… And good you made it clearer the John didn’t see the body. And I really got it that it was Nic who killed her, though she perhaps learned about raging anger and the will to kill from her mother.

This time I took more notice of Nic harming Trent (in the full movie the situation surrounding that would be clearer).

And this time the “1, 2, 3, go for the knee” made more sense to me… she would have to immobilize her victim first.

The scene made me think of THE BAD SEED, but because Nic is younger she wouldn’t have as full an understanding of right & wrong. Tho it seems she might have reason to think her dad deserves to die (for fooling around with Steph, if he did).

So not quite HONEY, I BLEW UP THE KID gone awry or monster movies (monsters only being dangerous, not evil), but something between that and THE BAD SEED. A truly frightening horror movie, since no one ever suspects a small kid.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I also thought the same about “babysitter” – how to get that in without is sounding unnatural. As you said in a full movie there wouldn’t be that problem…

I did figure that either Nic or her mother killed Shelly, not John, but also had the same problem with Nic’s age. How would a small kid like that be able to kill her (unless maybe with a gun)?

What came to mind was the movie The Bad Seed and Village of the Damned.

But Nic’s young age prevents her being evil like that, since she’s too young to really understand in a more conscientious way — so the age is good for that reason (a bit closer to “Honey, I Blew of the Kid” gone awry). Or maybe closer to the monster movies, since the monsters are not evil, just dangerous, though Nic’s limited understanding of right and wrong sort of makes it more horrible.

Anyway, it is excellent horror!

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Got it that Nick is the good guy here, John the bad. May still need some “loyalty” for John, like maybe he’s loyal to his cause or some friend? For instance, why is he setting off a bomb, even sacrificing himself (since the bomb is there)? Nick does seem a bit rebellious against authority (doesn’t want to call in higher authority, even tho the situation is dangerous and warrants it). Can’t see the “giving” part.

As for interest techniques, pretty good job, esp suspense. It is somewhat of a surprise the bomb is there itself, and a twist that would cause a change of direction if the scene continued (I guess the next step is the bomb goes off?). Setting is a place where a policeman can perhaps use untoward techniques to get info – good for putting the characters or their goals in jeopardy or adding to the drama.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Very dramatic with lots of twists. But I’m not sure what’s going on. Is it Stephanie’s body in the hamper? Would a body fit in a hamper? And it seems that maybe John’s wife killed her???? Or Nic did ???? Not sure. Seems Nic is capable, but she wouldn’t have been able to put her in the hamper.

It might be good to mention that John did not see the body, even though you mention his eyes were locked on Nic. Because I thought he had seen the body (which made it very weird).

It might make more sense it Nic is older, maybe 7 or so???

Maybe indicate Stephanie was supposed to babysit earlier, like: “Damn Stephanie for bailing on us and no time to get another babysitter!” Or “no chance of getting another babysitter.”

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Great scene and interesting/dangerous setting, full of suspense and intrigue and twists, etc.

Can condense the intro setting to essentials — even down to Crook’s Peak being a peak with a remarkably vertical sheer face two thousand feet down (if it were made into a movie, the filmmakers would decide whether to include all that other info)

Also much of the initial description cannot be known to the audience, so it needs to come thru with dialogue and action. Like the audience won’t know John is an agent (double or straight) or expert mountain climber until it is revealed through dialogue and action later in the scene. Same with Nick; audience would have no way of knowing he’s an aerospace engineer, from Southern California, with a wife and family, unless it comes out in action and/or dialogue.

Unlike Jeremy I did get it that someone else (not John) had arranged for the two to meet there, and it was suspenseful re who was the double agent until Nick revealed it thru action and words.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’m also confused about what’s it all about. However, unlike Jeremy here, I think the rather tame ending could work if it’s a comedy. Like we’re expecting violence, but it’s just a chess game and winner get what he wants. Maybe they could pretend shoot each other with their fingers made to look like guns and wink-wink, or something.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

This is very dramatic, got glued to it. I think the arc works, from stand-off to Nick and Shelly beating themselves. Interest Techniques fit well: “surprise,” “twist,” “suspense,” and “intrigue” (between Nick & Shelly against John).

John is “loyal” up to a point. Not sure if we got “loner” but “daring” and “distrustful” are there. Maybe Shelly is his first live-in girlfriend and he’s been a loner all his life??

Nick is Confident, Conniving, Rebellious, and perhaps Giving re Shelly

But perhaps some of these traits could come out more.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Good job with character traits, Trent posing as rich to get the girl, poor/needy, gets others to pay his bar tab. It all comes across as quite natural. The characters are very believable and Robert’s gossip comes across as necessary and warranted (to protect Kimmie, but also to have fun taking Trent down for stiffing him with tabs and cheating women).

I was taken out of my suspension of disbelief by them working at McDonalds, but then later thought this would work well if the movie were to establish at the beginning was a comedy. If not a comedy, then some other blue collar job might be more believable, though most pay pretty good, though Trent could be poor and needy from something else, maybe like alimony and child support — that’s only if it is not a comedy.

Kimmie’s stuttering works well and also makes her more unique.

Also, when reading the earlier draft I thought, you know bloodthirsty audiences, they’d like to see the fight. HOWEVER, if it is a comedy, having the fight behind closed doors with bruised and bloody fighters emerging later works better and is funnier.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

This is funny! I was thinking to try & do it as a comedy, but nothing came to mind.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Good use of subtext. RE covid (Trent not doing as well as he’d been bragging about), and not calling Dad, speaking about how he was the one working the farm along side dad (= Trent doesn’t deserve anything).

I guess the gossip is Robert dissuading his father from including Trent in the will, or at least from giving any portion of the farm to Trent.

MINOR POINT: I think that all descendants need to be given at least something (if there is no spouse who gets the whole thing), even something tiny, or they could contest the will. But that would have made them have to wait for Trent to be there to read the will (though from my experience, it can be done through the mail). Maybe Trent threatens to contest it… Or maybe there was a tiny thing for him and the letter re that is on its way to him in London….

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

It’s very interesting that Robert has gotten other guys to beat up Trent. I wouldn’t have thought of that, but it’s a good idea.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Seems that alcoholism is just one trait and the person with that trait has a very different configuration of other traits. I remember when I took “Health Ed” in jr college, we had a section on substance abuse (alcoholism and mj use). The expert said that alcohol brings out different traits for different people, and I insisted that it made everyone mean and difficult. But I now see these 2 persons on my list are very different, one more mean and difficult than when sober and the other mellow and fun to be with… sorta silly philosophical.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

This is interesting — we’re both doing border stories, but very different. For some reason since I live in the Lower Rio Grande Valley and love it I can only think of positive and humorous stories, like my rom-com above. And TEJANO BRIGADOON, a musical in the idea stage. I sort of buried it when they were taking babies away from their parents and locking them up… not such a “magic valley” during those days. Now I’m rethinking it again.

But most border stories do fit the crime-type, like yours…. No Country for Old Men, and the earlier Wayne movies, etc.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Impressive accomplishments.

You mentioned J. Michael Straczynski to Leah, so I looked him up on IMDbPro. I missed Babylon 5 — we didn’t have cable then. But I saw that he is doing a remake of FORBIDDEN PLANET. I saw that in the theater as a 9 yr old kid in 1956 and it scared the bejiggers out of me — gave nightmares for a month because of that terrible invisible monster. A screenwriting friend told some years back that it was based on Shakespeare’s The Tempest, which I read in college. And also some Freudian stuff, I think the monster representing the id.

Gotta see the remake when it comes out.😨

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Good job. I had Chinatown on my list for this assignment 😀. Also, I consider it an environmental movie, among other genre.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

My nephew (originally from India) lives in a Sydney suburb and works at a bank. He was into movie making, but gave up well before moving to Australia…

He’s now into Buddhism, to the consternation of his Catholic mom, but I think it helps him. Sort of.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Wow! I live in the Lower Rio Grande Valley, in Edinburg, Texas. But am currently in India where my husband has research.

And I taught several environmental courses some years ago. One reading was on a goldmine in the Colorado/New Mexico mountainous region that was very polluting.

Also, I wrote a screenplay set in Taos (at fictitious Taos University). Since I’m not that familiar with New Mexico, I had to do a lot of research….

And I did have a scene in another screenplay in the Himalayas (a glacier/flood thing), but took it out to reduce the page count and production cost.

Lynn

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Keep up the good work.

2 Tom Jones items here:

1. My granddad was named Tom Jones 😀

2. We bought a Tom Jones record (remember records) decades ago for a cheap price, played it and… it wasn’t Tom Jones singing his songs. In very small print: “To imitate him is to praise him…” 😞 But 😀 since it’s been a running joke for us over the decades.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I can exchange. My email is lynnvinc@hotmail.com

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’m seeing the same thing.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Hi Joan,

How are you getting the lessons ahead of schedule? They’re blocked for me until a day or so later.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Thanks. I’m sending you my scene. Looking forward to yours. My email is lynnvinc@hotmail.com

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I think if you can keep it 120 pages or less that would be fine. OTOH, Schindler’s List is 163 pp (spec), 155 (shooting). Especially since yours is based on a true story and an important historical event.

As a spec writer, they do want shorter scripts. One lit manager told me he wouldn’t take anything more than 105 pp, but I’ve never been able to get any of my scripts down that short. Most contests that have page limits specify 120 pp max, but some specify higher.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I think if you have 90 pages, that’s really great. My experience with managers I was trying to enlist is they don’t want anything over 105 pages and less is better.

All my previous scripts came to about 120 or so on first draft, and cut as I may, I could never get them below 110 to 115.

I feel good with my 102-page first draft here, which became 103 when I added in some details needing further research, which was postponed until I finished. I’m just hoping I can keep it to 105 or less on the final draft.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

My email is: lynnvinc@hotmail.com

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’m ready now. I can exchange with you.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Maybe Andrew should swap first, then I can swap with you. Some notes came in and I’m in process of revising right now.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Great. My email is lynnvinc@hotmail.com

Lynn

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Would you like to exchange it for my RomCom, WEATHERING IT, about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze?

Lynn

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I’d like to exchange once I’m finished with my current exchange – maybe in a day.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Ready to exchange with you!

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Ok. Sending my outline. Looking forward to yours.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

This probably doesn’t belong under Module 3, but under Module 2 – Lesson 6: Build In The Genre Conventions

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Though this is sci-fi/fantasy it reminded me of a folk legend common among many Native American tribes — STAR HUSBAND, in which a girl (in some versions 2 girls) is sleeping under the stars and looks up at one who is very handsome. She wishes he could be her husband, instead of some ordinary tribal guy. He takes her up to the star world and marries her. After some time she misses her family and tribe, but has a very hard time escaping back down (which sounds sort of like Wizard of Oz, which I think may be partly based on Star Husband).

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Here’s a contest to enter maybe next year: https://www.bigfootscriptchallenge.com/

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Sure

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I heard the legend as a teen in Solana Beach, CA, but without it being named Big Foot, and I thought it was a true story — about how a bunch of teens would drive down near the slough forested by big trees, roll up the windows and wait, and a big hairy human-ape creature would come and rock the car. They’d all scream and get their kicks.

Later as an anthropology student I starting thinking, it could be a descendant of Australopithecus Robustus — which could also explain Yeti. I also read in a newspaper that a policeman in W. Viginia was driving at night up a country road when he spotted what looked like a bear standing up in the road. When he got out of his car with rifle and got a better look, it was a big hairy humanoid with breasts, which ran off into the forest — the female of the species, I guessed.

Then as a professor teaching folklore, I sort of realized this was just an urban (supranatural) legend — but sometimes legends can be true, since they are the folk history of the people, only different from actual “history” in that they don’t have at least 2 verified sources. When these legends have policemen in the story, it makes them more believable.

I’m now living in the Rio Grande Valley where we don’t have forests of tall trees to house Big Foot, but we do have stories of CHUPACABRA — sucks blood out of goats and small animals. 🙂

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Wow! Sounds somewhat like THE TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE (1948) — one of my most favorite movies of all times. I once told a friend it was my favorite movie. If only you could get Humphrey Bogart to play the lead and John Huston to direct it 😃

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Wow! THE HANDMAID’S TALE meets THE HUNGER GAMES (sort of) meets what the stupid American media are criminogenically promoting as the coming SECOND CIVIL WAR in the US.

I was wondering how the latter could happen since political opposites live side-by-side as neighbors around the country, tho they do tend to be concentrated in various red and blue states and cities.

But I can definitely see this movie and want to see it.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Great idea. Loved THE FUGITIVE. And the idea of alien abductions actually sounds realistic from the movies I’ve seen about them. And the online conspiracy theory chat rooms it right up today’s alley.

Gotta see this movie.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Great idea. And it draws attention to the real problem of for-profit multinationals taking over city/county water supplies, causing serious problems for the people.

The concept sort of reminds me of THE ARRIVAL (1996) with Charlie Sheen in which aliens are contributing heavily to global warming with the idea of killing out humans and taking over the much hotter planet to which they are accustomed.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Very timely, great concept & title. Got to see the movie! Will it be a comedy, drama, or action/thriller?

I’m into “cli-fi” (climate fiction) and recently read & watched DON’TLOOK UP, a parody on the climate change debate/polarization. It’s also a satire on political polarization.

It got me to thinking about doing a climate change debate/polarization, not getting into (other) political issues, as sort of a parody on political polarization…. with a resolution at the end for the opposed lead/support characters in the story. And that led to my current project here, a RomCom.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

I love family-friendly love stories. If we watch anything R we have to fast-forward thru those scenes or just not watch them in the 1st place, since the language is especially offensive to my husband. I’ve been watching Hallmark channel romances recently to get ideas for my own RomCom — some are fairly good, others not as compelling.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Sounds great. Is the diary by the friend of Anastasia? Or of a different daughter?

I remember seeing Anastasia on TV (the 1956 version with Ingrid Bergman and Yul Brynner) long ago. Loved it.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

You’ve done really well.

I think WorldFest Houston is a great place to submit screenplays. I’ve won Remis on all my screenplays, one a Platinum Remi. I know this sounds Woody Allen & not empowerment thinking, but my guess that my success there is because you have to actually send in hard copies of the screenplays…. which might mean the competition is less?? 😃

Lynn

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Glad to see another senior here. I’m 75. The golden years are great and a great time for screenwriting. I started ideas, research, and beat-boarding for a teen movie (the bullying now is a lot worse than when I was a teen) and I think I’m settling into a young adult romcom for this course. Though I do have a finished script with a 95 year old supporting character/mentor who is just fabulous — a Venusian here on earth passing as human giving confidence to her timid Venusian grandson.