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Forum Replies Created
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M.M.’s Chronological Edit
What I learned is how to use the high speed writing rules on this chronological edit.
I considered changing the opening scene to make the story chronological from the beginning, but like the pre-resolution scene as the opening scene so I kept it. As this was not a complete dialogue-filled screenplay since I am writing the foundation for my sequel to one of my novels, I did not approach the edit in that way. I like the chronology the way it is but will do a more thorough third draft complete with dialogue. That way, the fully-written scenes will show me if there are any gaps or if I need more clarity.
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M.M.’s Solved Scene Problems
What I learned is 4 different ways to look at scenes, but no details or examples.
What I did NOT learn and what could have been very beneficial in this lesson was more detail in each of the different strategies depicted in scenes from films.
For example, instead of a partial list, describe in more detail the “interest techniques” (intrigue, suspense, surprise, betrayal, etc.) and give film scenes with examples of those techniques. Another suggestion was to challenge the character through a goal, needs, values, wound, and physically, which really needs more explanation. Again, no examples of scenes in films were given.
It’s not enough to just mention some words – film scene examples are needed (as was done in earlier lessons) to relate the technique to existing films.
I felt this lesson was just a superficial summary to add another lesson to get the 29. It was disappointing – the first time — after taking a number of courses here.
Here are some scenes that needed improvement and the strategies used to upgrade them.
A. Basic Scene Problems: Added in after Emilio is expelled and kicked off the team, the last inning of the college championships to create tension (Emilio comes back to cause trouble) and to make the agent and scout conversations more interesting rather than talking to the coach in his office or on the phone.
B. Weak Scenes: Bella’s first scene learning about the pro life movement shows her in the office and later outside the fence of an abortion clinic. The office scene was cut and tightened up to where she becomes an activist by talking to the directors outside the fence.
C. Scenes That Don’t Challenge the Characters: I strengthened the wedding scene where Emilio’s family crowd around her leaving Bella alone to add the scene where Bella dances with Luke. Instead of Inez telling Emilio to act (there are other scenes of her directing her son and his doting on his mother’s every word), he throws a punch at Luke instead of cutting in. Bella is horrified and when no one helps him, she takes ice from a champagne bucket on the table and puts it in a linen napkin to hold to Luke’s swollen face. More anger from Emilio but this time Inez calms him down and she tells Bella to go to her husband. Then Inez’s goons throw Luke out.
D. Cliché Scenes: Proposal in the restaurant was done too many times, to it was changed to one in the gun range where Emilio and Bella shoot their targets, and then when they press the button that automatically brings the paper target to them, a written proposal is on it and he kneels and holds out the ring.
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M.M.’s Solved Character Problems
What I learned in this assignment are the various character problems and the questions to ask to fix them before moving on to the 2nd draft.
Placeholders needed to resolve all these issues:
A. Weak protagonist or antagonist.
B. Protagonist Too Good or Antagonist Too Bad.
C. Weak character intros.
D. Characters not in action.
E. Protagonist journey not strong.
F. All the characters seem the same.
G. Lead characters not present.Specifics:
Lead Character/Protagonist: Bella Cortez – need to show the other side – anger, tears – she is too level-headed and one-sided and needs to break down earlier before she calls Luke after she locks herself in the bathroom after Emilio knocks her down (and possibly hurts the baby).
A – too weak; B. too good; C. weak character intro; E. protagonist journey could be stronger with the pro life movement
Lead Character/Antagonist: Emilio Cruz – Need to show redeeming qualities such as kindness or tolerance instead of just his hot-headedness, arrogance,and violent temper.
B. Too bad; C. Character not always in action; G. lead character not always present
Supporting Character: Luke Morrison – need more interaction with Mia showing his frustration/anger with her instead of just putting up with her; he needs to put his foot down and break up with her – too cliché to do it in a restaurant but something else public would work better – Mia can explode at the MLB draft too and he has to have her removed. C. weak character intro; D. character needs more action F. character seems the same as others;
Supporting Character: Coach Matt Morrison – need more interaction with Bella relative to agents. C. weak character intro; D. character needs more action F. Character seems the same as others;
Recurring Characters: Hector and Inez (primarily Inez): B. Too bad, not showing the good side enough; C. weak character intro; D. character needs more action; F. Character seems the same as others.
Recurring Character: Valentina (Bella’s mom): B. Too good; C. weak character intro; D. character needs more action F. character seems the same as others.
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M.M.’s Filled in Missing Scenes – Act 4
What I learned is to go back and add scenes before rewriting the first draft.
These scenes before the wedding create the tension where Emilio builds resentment towards Bella, whom he holds responsible. His jealousy of Luke and Bella’s friendship has been working overtime.
INT. DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY
The Dean expels Emilio from the university.
Emilio protests this will hurt his MLB chances.
The general counsel for the university explains he can still go through the draft and doesn’t need to finish college.
The Dean tells him Coach Matt is waiting for him. Emilio sulks as he exits.
INT. COACH MATT’S OFFICE – DAY
Matt kicks Emilio from the team.
Emilio makes the same arguments about hurting him as an MLB draft pick. They fall on deaf ears.
Matt stands to shake Emilio’s hand and thanks him for a good job during the season. Emilio tosses his chair across the room and storms out.
EXT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – DAY
Luke and Bella are talking while sitting on a bench outside the library.
Emilio walks up to them and grabs Bella’s hand.
BELLA: Where did you come from? Did something happen?
EMILIO (glaring at Luke): Ask your buddy. He did it.
LUKE: Me? What are you talking about?
EMILIO: Don’t act like you don’t know. I know. And now you know I know. Bella, let’s go grab a bite.
BELLA: See you Luke.
As they walk away Bella turns to Emilio.
BELLA: How in the world did you find me here? Or was it just a lucky coincidence?
Emilio pulls out his cell. A tracking app blinks where they are standing. She looks at her cell. Turns it off. The app continues to run.
EMILIO: Want to make sure you’re safe at all times. You aren’t mad are you?
BELLA: No, but I wish you would have told me.
They walk to his car in the parking lot. Emilio turns to her.
EMILIO: Mind if I just take you home? I’m not feeling okay.
Bella puts her hand on his shoulder.
BELLA: No problem. I’m happy I got to see you today.
INT. EMILIO’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Emilio paces the room, picks up a lamp and throws it against the wall, breaking it into a million pieces. He grabs his cell and punches in the numbers.
EMILIO: Mommy? This is all her fault. Her buddy Luke convinced his dad to drop me from the team. Then the coach talked the dean into kicking me out. I just made one mistake. That’s all. I got mad. Sometimes I get mad. It didn’t mean anything.
Emilio breaks down, crying and feeling sorry for himself. His knees buckle and he drops to the floor, wiping his eyes.
INTERCUT APARTMENT/LUXURIOUS POOL DECK – NIGHT
Inez tries to calm her son.
INEZ: Calm down and listen to Mommy. I’ll take care of it. And if they don’t want you back in school or the team, you’re moving on to bigger and better things. You send a house full of flowers to that girl and make sure the wedding is still on. I have big plans for you, son.
Added a scene to show Bella after filing charges against Emilio coming to the realization of how much she cares for Luke, much more than just as a friend.
INT. MALL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – MONTAGE – SHOPPING MALL
Luke takes Bella to the mall. They stop in a few women’s boutiques and bought Bella new clothes. Then they go to the baby stores and buy baby furniture and clothes. He agrees with her choices and Bella feels secure and validated in her decisions.
While shopping, Bella sneaks glances at him enjoying being with her. and her laughing and being so happy with him. She beams with pride at being with him when the salesgirl flirts with him.
I added scenes to show Bella’s commitment to her own pregnancy as well as to the pro life movement.
INT. PROLIFE AMERICA OFFICE – DAY
Bella builds a new life for herself as a volunteer with ProLife America.
EXT. ABORTION CLINIC – DAY
Bella volunteers with ProLife America to join prayer groups outside the abortion clinic.
Through the fence, she befriends a young woman hesitating about having an abortion and shows how pregnant she is and her ultrasound. The woman changes her mind.
The abortion clinic director screams at Bella for interfering with their business.
The young woman drives out, then parks on the street and joins the prayer group, hugging Bella for helping her not make the biggest mistake of her life.
INT. PROLIFE AMERICA OFFICE – DAY
The director praises Bella’s courage and offers her a full-time position with as much time off as she needs for the baby.
Bella happily accepts, knowing she has found a real home that loves her and her baby.
Top of Form
Bottom of Form
I added scenes to show the escalating violent nature of Emilio to lead up to the climax. He is out of control at this point, hiring a PI to track Bella so he knows where to find her.
I also added Bella and Luke in the scene to show that they have become even closer since Emilio was arrested.
EXT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Back from weeks of team practice out of town, Emilio walks into the bedroom, and notices a draw in the dresser is partially open. He looks in and sees some of Bella’s clothes.
It triggers him, and he pulls the drawer out and throws it against the wall, splitting the sheet rock.
He calms down long enough to make a phone call.
FEMALE VOICE: (VO) Hillside private investigations. How can we help you today?
EMILIO: Get me Tony on the phone. Emilio Sanchez here.
(a beat)
Tony? Where is she?
He listens a moment and slams the phone down.
Enraged, he jumps in his sports car.
INT. EMILIO’S SPORTS CAR, MOVING – NIGHT
Emilio heads for Luke’s house.
He drives slowly by the high stucco security fence, peering through the wrought iron gate. He glares at Luke and Bella through a large window.
They arrange furniture and toys in a baby’s room, laughing and talking together. She is very pregnant.
Emilio punches his fist on the steering wheel, then parks next door and jumps out of the car.
EXT. LUKE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Emilio parks and walks up to the gate. As he puts his hand on the handle, security lights turn on and alarms go off. He hides behind the fence.
Luke presses a button and the shades descend closing off any view into the rooms. He is on the phone.
LUKE: Yes. Password is “crazy fastball”. Looks like someone tried to break in through the gate.
Within a minute, private security sirens approach.
Emilio rushes back to his car and drives off.
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M.M.’s Act 4 Resolution
What I learned doing this assignment is how to wrap up the story with a “bang” (literally and figuratively). I also added a cliffhanger at the end because this is a trilogy – this is the second of three novels, with a plan to also have the screenplay ready as I do for book 1.
EXT. STADIUM FIELD – NIGHT
FANS are still screaming and pushing to get out of the stands.
A shot rings out and Emilio drops to the ground.
A pair of EMT’s rush to the scene and pronounce him dead. They put him in a body bag.
Another pair run to the dugout.
EXT. DUGOUT – NIGHT
Bella stares at Emilio on the ground. Then at the gun in her hand, which she drops to the ground. She slumps onto the bench.
The EMT’s carry Luke out on a stretcher then place it on a gurney. He tries to argue that the bullet just grazed him but they won’t have it. He’s going to the hospital whether he likes it or not.
COPS arrive and take statements from Bella and Luke.
They continue interviewing the other players and coaches in the dugout.
Bella walks alongside Luke toward the ambulance as the EMT’s wheel him out quickly.
INT. AMBULANCE – BACK DOORS – NIGHT
The EMT’s slide the gurney into the back and are about to close the doors.
BELLA: Luke, mind if I go with you?
LUKE: I wouldn’t have it any other way.
INT. AMBULANCE, MOVING – NIGHT
As the siren blasts away, Luke and Bella are in their own little world, though one EMT monitors Luke’s vital signs.
Luke grabs Bella’s hand and turns to her.
She leans down as he lifts his head.
They kiss for a long beat.
Suddenly she jumps. Her water breaks all over the ambulance floor. The EMT comes to her aid but she brushes him off.
BELLA: Way to end a romantic moment.
Luke moves her face to hers again.
LUKE: Just the first of many.
They kiss again. For a longer beat.
FADE OUT.
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M.M.’s Act 4 Climax
What I learned are the 4 steps in the Climax. I like structure and this was an easy way to expand my beat sheet into an outline and the scenes to end with a literal “bang”.
Key Scene 3: Climax – The Ultimate Expression of The Conflict
NEW SCENES: 3: Climax
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Bella rushes into the bedroom and locks the door. She grabs a gun from her nightstand.
She hears Emilio beating on the door in an uncontrollable rage.
She rushes into the bathroom and locks herself in.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME, BATHROOM- NIGHT
Bella dials 9-1-1 for the police and an ambulance.
She hears Emilio beating on the bedroom door and screaming at her in a rage.
She falls to the floor and holds her stomach, bleeding. (don’t know if she lost the baby).
Bella shakily points her gun at the bathroom door as she dials Luke’s number.
When he answers she speaks faintly, in a whisper.
BELLA: Luke, he’s going to kill me…
Then she passes out.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – BEDROOM- NIGHT
Emilio kicks down the bedroom door and rushes to the bathroom, pounding on it and demanding that Bella come out.
INT. LUKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Luke is on the phone.
LUKE: Bella? Bella are you there.
He hears Emilio’s threats.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – BEDROOM – NIGHT
EMILIO: I’ll kill you and that baby if it’s the last thing I do. You ruined my career!
Then Luke hears shouts.
POLICE: Police. Hands up! Drop the gun and the bat. Drop them now.
EXT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – NIGHT
Police push Emilio into the perp backseat and they drive off.
Luke drives up after they leave, finding the house dark but the front door wide open. He enters, sees the damage, takes photos everywhere not touching anything. He leaves just as the evidence van drives up.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Emilio is booked, fingerprinted, mug shot taken.
INT. LUKE’S CAR, MOVING – NIGHT
While driving fast, Luke calls area hospitals but they won’t tell him if she is there.
He drives to one hospital. Bella’s not there. On to the next one.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Emilio’s family’s expensively-dressed lawyer shows up.
INT. JUDGE’S CHAMBERS – NIGHT
Emilio’s parents’ VIP status allows the lawyer to arraign him privately and get him out on $1,000,000 bail.
INT. COURTHOUSE HALL – NIGHT
The lawyer warns Emilio not to go near Bella. Emilio tunes him out. He’s got his own ideas.
INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT
Luke rushes in and asks for Bella Sanchez.
The night nurse at reception does not want to give any information.
LUKE: She’s all alone and her husband nearly killed her. I’m her only friend and we’re close. We’re very close.
NIGHT NURSE: How close?
LUKE: She’s moving in with me as soon as the doc gives the okay.
NIGHT NURSE: Are you related?
LUKE: She’s pregnant and all alone. She may have even lost the baby when he — Please let me go up and make sure she’s safe.
NIGHT NURSE: Room six o seven. Elevators to the right.
LUKE: Thanks so much. You may have just saved a life. Actually, two.
He catches the elevator and sprints down the hall, telling the nurse at the station he’s going to Bella’s room.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Police detectives arrive and find Luke sitting next to Bella’s bed. She’s groggy but awake. They ask Luke to leave, then they interview Bella and ask if she wants to press charges.
At first she hesitates, then says no, but Luke steps back into the room and says she has to press charges if she wants to be safe.
The detectives make him leave again and Bella agrees to press charges.
In the hallway, Luke calls his dad. Matt and asks for the best divorce lawyer in town before Emilio’s family hires him.
Matt suggests someone and Luke arranges an appointment in the hospital for the next day.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Luke has stayed in Bella’s room all night. He is watching the news and sees a headline that Emilio was arrested and is out on bail.
Luke pulls out his cell and makes a call.
MALE VOICE (VO): Windward Private Security. How can we make you feel safer today?
LUKE: Jake? It’s Luke Morrison. That job we talked about? It’s go-time. Send the full team to my house. Sensors, cameras, lights, plain clothes, the works. Let me know when you’re there and I’ll unlock it from my phone.
MALE VOICE: We’re on it.
The doctor walks in.
DOCTOR: I’ve got the best news. The ultrasound shows the baby is fine. You’re fine. But I want you to stay here for another day for observation.
Luke interjects. LUKE: Her attacker just got out on bail. My home is very secure. It would be much safer for her and the baby to go home with me.
BELLA: Would you do that for me?
LUKE: Your safety and your baby’s is a top priority.
BELLA: But the draft?
LUKE: Forgot to tell you. I got in.
BELLA: What pick?
LUKE: One.
BELLA: Luke!
DOCTOR: Mrs. Sanchez —
BELLA: I’m going back to Cortez. Ms. Cortez.
DOCTOR: Ms. Cortez, your vitals are good and you’re strong so I can discharge you now if you
EXT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Bella is discharged. Luke insists she move into his home and she and the baby can stay as long as she likes. She agrees she needs protection from Emilio.
INT. LUKE’S HOUSE – DAY
Luke moves Bella in with him.
INT. LUKE’S HOUSE, GUEST/BABY ROOM – NIGHT
Luke and Bella paint the baby’s room, laughing and flicking paint on each other. Bella paints clouds and stars on the ceiling with luminous paint.
They turn the light off and stare at the ceiling.
Luke stares at Bella until she turns and he praises her artwork.
Bella senses he wants more but she ignores it.
Luke wonders if she wants more than just friendship.
PLACEHOLDER SCENES:
INT. LUKE’S HOME – DAY
Scenes showing Luke directing delivery men to the guest room with new furniture for Bella.
Luke and Bella decorate her room. She orders clothes on the internet and soon her closet is full.
INT. MALL – DAY
Scenes showing Luke and Bella shopping for baby furniture and clothes.
EXT. BASEBALL STADIUM
Scenes showing Luke practicing and Bella watching him in the stands.
Luke introduces Bella to the other team players. They treat her like one of them.
EXT. BASEBALL STADIUM (same as teaser opening image):
Luke is starting pitcher in his first game for the farm team on his way up to MLB. Bella sits on the field not far from home plate, not in the stands.
When the game starts and Luke pitches, Emilio, in disguise, moves down to a seat just above Bella and in front of home plate.
Emilio pulls out a gun and starts spraying bullets onto the field at Luke.
Luke goes down. His leg is bleeding.
Fans scream and scatter, blocking exits so police cannot get down to Emilio’s spot.
Police call for backup and use a megaphone to demand that Emilio stand down.
Emilio grazes Luke’s leg. Luke gets up and hobbles, looking to stay out of Emilio’s way.
Emilio has disappeared from the stands.
The catcher and Luke rush Bella into the dugout, the closest place of safety.
Emilio appears on the field where Bella was. Infuriated, he sprays bullets onto the field and the fleeing players, coaches and umpires rushing to dugouts and the clubhouse, escaping to safety.
Emilio heads to the dugout.
Cops are in the spot where Emilio was. They finally spy him on the field and call out for him to put the gun down. Emilio runs faster toward the dugout.
EMILIO: Bella. Come out. I won’t hurt you. I want the baby, too. We belong together. We’re a family.
INT. DUGOUT – DAY
Bella grabs a concealed carry from Luke’s bag, having seen him pack a gun before practice together in high school.
Luke doesn’t see Bella lean out of the dugout looking for Emilio.
From out of nowhere, Emilio shoots but misses Bella as she quickly retreats.
Luke hobbles over trying to get the gun from Bella.
LUKE: I need to do it.
Bella refuses to give up the gun.
BELLA: I need to do it more.
Bella leans out and sees Emilio rushing toward her. She aims quickly and pulls the trigger.
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M.M.’s Act 4 First Scenes
What I learned in this assignment is to put Bella in the most difficult position she could be in on two levels – professionally in the MLB draft, and personally discovering she is pregnant and is married to an abusive man.
TWO MONTHS LATER
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – TV ROOM – NIGHT
Emilio is a couch potato watching the MLB draft. The house is furnished impeccably, a gift from Emilio’s parents.
He yells out to Bella.
EMILIO: Where are you? I’m hungry. Snacks. Now.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – BATHROOM – NIGHT
BELLA: Be there in a minute.
Bella checks the pregnancy test and jumps for joy! Then bites her lip, unsure of what Emilio will say.
BELLA: Coming!
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – TV ROOM – NIGHT
Emilio is on the phone with his agent, the one his parents bought off.
EMILIO: Jackson, my favorite agent. What’s happening? Wait – repeat that. The top team in the league is going to draft me? What pick? That low? Ok, Ok. It’s my stats. Got it. Thanks for the call, bro.
Bella sets a tray laden with sandwiches, chips, dips and other snacks on the table. She snuggles up to Emilio and kisses him on the cheek. He edges away from her, concentrating on the TV.
BELLA: Could we talk for a minute?
EMILIO: Not now. The draft just started. And I’m in! What do you think about that?
BELLA: Honey, I am so happy for you. Congratulations. Actually, congratulations twice. I waited till I was sure. Now I am. I’m having a baby. Isn’t it wonderful?
Emilio doesn’t look at her, trying to concentrate on the TV.
He pulls a stack of $100 bills from his wallet.
EMILIO: Get an abortion. Tomorrow.
She is shocked, disillusioned, angry.
BELLA: Absolutely not!
EMILIO: You heard me. I can’t be saddled with a kid and make it to the Show.
BELLA: I gave up baseball for you and now we’re starting a family. Your parents will be thrilled, even if you aren’t.
She reaches for the phone. He grabs it out of her hand and yanks it out of the wall.
She stands up and tries to run to the bedroom to escape. He grabs her shirt and pulls her back. Then he knocks her down to the floor.
EMILIO: I’ll kill you and the baby if I have to. Nothing is going to stop my career.
He turns back to the TV.
Bella takes her opportunity to escape and locks herself in the bedroom.
Emilio watches the draft and throws the entire snack tray at the TV. Luke is the number 1 draft pick.
INT. MLB DRAFT, PRESS ROOM – DAY
Luke and Coach Matt hold a press conference after Luke as the # 1 pick.
REPORTERS clamor for a question to Matt.
REPORTER # 1: So is it going to be like father, like son, Coach Matt?
Matt waves him off but grins at looks at Luke.
MATT: Luke is his own man. He did the work and earned this all on his own.
LUKE: It’s my honor to sign with this amazing team. I owe it all to my Mom, Dad and stepmom Grace. And I have to say my agent Phil Allen did have a hand in this, too.
Laughter throughout the room.
Luke’s cell buzzes with a text. He looks at it and goes white as a sheet.
LUKE: Thank you everyone. I am sorry but I have an emergency.
He leaves everyone wondering, including Matt until he leans down and explains. Matt nods and turns to the reporters.
MATT: Now, gentlemen, maybe you CAN give me some of the spotlight after all.
He is still adored as an MLB legend. PHOTOGRAPHERS click away as REPORTERS bombard Matt with questions.
INT. LUKE’S HOTEL ROOM – DAY
Luke calls Bella.
LUKE: What’s wrong? Your text scared me.
INT. BELLA’S BATHROOM – DAY
Bella whispers in response.
BELLA: He hit me. Pushed me down. I’m pregnant and I’m scared he’ll hurt both of us. I’m hiding int the bathroom.
They both hear Emilio screaming and beating a door not far away. It’s the bedroom door.
LUKE: Call 9-1-1.
BELLA: I already did. He’s hitting the bedroom door with a bat.
LUKE: Can you get out?
BELLA: Window is too high and too small. His mother picked it out. I think she went through what I’m going through. She told me to just take it. Let him vent.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
CRASH!
Emilio breaks through the bedroom door and rushes to the bathroom, beating on it.
EMILIO: Bella? Bella come out or I’m coming in to get you.
Police sirens are heard. They’re closer. They’re at the house. Emilio doesn’t care. He keeps screaming at her.
EMILIO: Open the door!
INTERCUT HOTEL ROOM/PHONE – Continuous
BELLA: Oh, Luke, I’m bleeding. I’m…
LUKE: Bella? Bella are you there?
He hears the POLICE.
POLICE: Hands up! Toss the bat and the gun. Turn around slowly.
Luke hears Emilio screaming, “BELLA!”, then a thud and skirmish, followed by heavy footsteps fading. Then he hears another CRASH!
LUKE: Bella? Bella?
INT. BELLA’S BATHROOM – DAY
Two EMT’s check Bella’s vitals, set up an IV and oxygen. A POLICEWOMAN confers with them as they wheel her out. Then she picks up the phone.
POLICEWOMAN: Hello? Who is this?
INT. LUKE’S HOTEL ROOM – DAY
LUKE: Luke Morrison. A friend, a good friend of Bella Sanchez.
INT. BELLA’S BATHROOM – DAY
POLICEWOMAN: They’re taking her to St. John’s Hospital.
Key Scene 2: Protagonist faces their Dilemma
EIGHT MONTHS LATER
INT. LUKE’S HOUSE – DAY
Luke sets up a crib in one of the guest rooms. Bella fills it with beautiful linens and holds up a long linen christening dress. She hugs it to her growing baby bump.
BELLA: Mom dressed each of us in this when we were baptized. I think she — or he — will look perfect in it.
LUKE: And the new generation begins.
BELLA: I can’t believe I only have one more month. You were a lifesaver letting me live here with you.
LUKE: What else could I do? I need a cheering fan at my first game.
BELLA: It’s right before my due date so I hope I’ll be there.
A doorbell rings. Bella immediately stiffens.
LUKE: Stay calm.
He checks the doorbell app on his phone. A man at the door with a large envelope. Luke frowns and hands the cell to her.
LUKE: Know him?
BELLA: (sigh of relief) My lawyer’s courier. I’ll get it.
She disappears and Luke watches through the window as the courier drives away. Bella returns beaming, pulling legal documents out of the envelope.
BELLA: The divorce came through. Thank goodness.
LUKE: What did his parents do?
BELLA: They set up a trust like they did for Emilio. I’m thankful Inez made me the trustee so I could stay home and raise him — or her.
LUKE: Any strings?
BELLA: It’s Inez. Of course there are strings. She and Hector can see the baby once a month as long as I’m there. The negotiations were more difficult than the divorce.
LUKE: In any case, Emilio is finished. After he got a suspended sentence, the team booted him for breaching his contract’s morality clause. He won’t ever play pro ball.
BELLA: Inez bought his way out. He would have killed me and the baby. I’m sure of it.
LUKE: At least he’s back in Puerto Rico.
BELLA: Hope he stays there.
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M.M.’s Completed Act 3
What I learned in this exercise is to continue to write quickly, use free association and this time I added dialogue.
INT. RITZY BEACH CLUB DINING ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING:
Hector, Inez and Emilio eat breakfast. Their table is laden with every breakfast food imaginable – pancakes, waffles, toast, muffins, eggs, a platter of meats, jars of jellies and jams, and fresh fruit.
HECTOR: Time to fire Phil as your agent.
EMILIO: No way, Dad. He says he’s talking to MLB agents for both of us.
HECTOR: I told you the fix is in. You WILL be drafted. You will have realized your dream, although why you want to play that hot, sweaty game is lost on me.
INEZ: Yes, son, you should get rid of that rough exterior and be smooth like your Dad.
They give each other knowing glances.
HECTOR: We’ll get you in the clubhouse, but after that you’ll have to play to their standards. Prove yourself.
INEZ: But if you do fail, the door is wide open for you to move with your bride to San Juan and manage the rum factory there. When your Dad decides to retire, you can come back to the States and run the international empire.
HECTOR: Which will be many years for you to enjoy our mansion on the island.
INEZ: Many years, indeed.
MIDDLE:
Emilio balks at firing Phil.
EMILIO: May I remind you Phil also reps Bella. If he’s not looking after my interests, too, he might get something better for Bella. But if it’s lucrative enough, I’d have to go along with it.
HECTOR: O ye of little faith. Don’t you know your mother’s money can buy anyone, anywhere, anytime? She’s done it many times and she can do it again.
EMILIO: I like being able to control Bella’s future by approving or disapproving Phil’s offers.
END:
Inez puts her foot down.
INEZ: Fire the agent and take control of your wife. Tell her what her job is now and that you expect her to do as you say. Now eat your breakfast and wake up your bride. We have a sailfish catch before we go home!
HECTOR: Two would look even better in the downstairs bar.
INT. LUXURY HOTEL HONEYMOON SUITE – DAY
BEGINNING:
Bella calls Luke after getting Emilio’s voicemail.
BELLA: Luke? Can you talk?
LUKE: What’s wrong? I can hear it in your voice.
BELLA: No, nothing. Well, at least I think it’s nothing.
LUKE: Where’s Emilio?
BELLA: On his way back. Had to talk to his parents. Probably about his trust.
LUKE: The family trust is legendary. Even Mark, my agent, knows about it. He has repped a lot of Puerto Rican players. Don’t know why he didn’t pick up Emilio.
BELLA: Yes you do. Unfortunately, we both do. I guess too many people do.
MIDDLE:
LUKE: What can I do?
BELLA: Just assure me I made the right decision.
LUKE: Bella? After one night? What happened – he hit you?
Bella is silent.
LUKE: I was joking. Tell me that isn’t true.
BELLA: Nothing like that. Of course not. I mean, he kicked you out —
LUKE: Escorted me was the word they used, but it felt more like being dragged out like trash.
BELLA: I am so sorry —
LUKE: That’s nothing. I was happy to see you.
END:
BELLA: I guess I wanted to hear your voice.
LUKE: Last night it looked like you — both of you — are so much in love.
BELLA: We are. I am. I mean I hope he loves me as much as I love him.
LUKE: Well it shows. I’m sure he does. I mean, just your ring. Has to be ten carats. If that’s not love —
BELLA: It’s his mother’s. Family heirloom.
She admires it on her finger.
BELLA: But I have to admit it is gorgeous. Other than my medal of St. Rita, the baseball patron saint, I don’t even have any other jewelry.
LUKE: If you want it, I’m sure he and his trust fund will oblige. I wish you so much happiness, Bella. You deserve it.
Bella hears the card key clicking and the door opening.
BELLA: He’s coming in – gotta go.
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M.M.’s Act 3 Turning Point
What I learned in this assignment is to set the character up for the breakthrough in Act 4, where I’ve previously written 3 acts and an “epilogue” so it’s a new structure.
KEY SCENE 4: Turning Point – Protagonist faces her lowest low.
INT. RITZY BEACH CLUB – DAY
BEGINNING: Emilio and Bella stand facing each other by a huge picture window overlooking the beautiful beach. The priest pronounces them man and wife, and Emilio chastely kisses Bella. She wears a simple yet elegant beaded wedding gown and traditional veil. They walk into the reception and are greeted by all of Hectors and Inez’s friends. Bella meets up with her mom Valencia and her siblings, but she sees none of her college friends except Luke. She addressed their invitations, but Inez assured her she would mail them. Oh well, Bella figures they just got lost in the mail.
MIDDLE: After the first dance with Bella, Emilio is mobbed by his family, leaving Bella alone. His parents’ friends hug Emilio and mingle with everyone else, talking excitedly. Luke asks Bella to dance and she looks for Emilio but can’t find him, so she accepts. She asks how Luke got an invitation when their other friends and teammates didn’t. Luke admits he did not get an invitation but figured it out. Out of the corner of his eye Emilio sees Luke and Bella dancing and he frowns at her but she ignores him and laughs with Luke. Emilio starts to walk over to Luke, but Inez hands Emilio a thick envelope, explaining what it is. He hugs and kisses her emotionally and tucks it inside his tux, then points to Luke. She tells Emilio something and he nods, then goes up to the couple and cuts in on Luke’s dance.
END: Bella escorts Valencia and her siblings and Luke to their reserved table at one end of the room, far from the head table. Bella takes her seat, alone at the big long table. Bella and her family are alone in a sea of Emilio’s family and friends. Emilio and his family join her at the head table and in the commotion she does not see two security guards approach Luke and escort him out. He looks at Bella but she is hidden by Emilio’s family and friends congratulating her.
INT. LUXURY HOTEL SUITE – DAY
BEGINNING:
The morning after the wedding night, Bella wakes up and turns to Emilio. Instead, she sees a breakfast tray by his pillow with a note that he will be back soon. She calls his cell which goes to voice mail. Then she notices a text from Luke saying he was asked to leave and accused of crashing the wedding. He says for her not to worry and his plane is about to leave. He wishes her the best and will see her at the MLB draft if not before when she returns.
MIDDLE: Emilio suddenly returns and tells her to get dressed to go on a deep sea fishing trip with his parents. She asks where he has been. He says eating breakfast with his parents and as an aside tells her she can now have anything she wants by just asking him. He explains his mother transferred the trusteeship of his multi-million dollar trust to him. She asks if he married her just to get the money. He just stares at her. Bella tells Emilio she expects his parents to leave as Valencia did so they will be together all week by themselves. She said she looks forward to a proper honeymoon since she saved herself for him. He says when he tells her to do something she needs to do it.
END: Bella asks for an apology. Emilio cruelly smiles and says he fired Phil from representing her. He says now that she’s married to him, her job is to support his bid for an MLB team and to go with him wherever he gets drafted. She tries to reason with him that she is a better baseball player than he is and she wants to be in the draft. He slaps her and tells her to get dressed. Pressing her hand to her smarting face she heads for the bathroom. He tells her to cover the bruise with makeup and make it look good.
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M.M.’s Act 3 Middle Scenes
What I learned in this assignment is to keep moving forward and just to write a 20% draft as long as the twists and turns are in it.
ACT 3, KEY SCENE 2: makes a new plan
INT. TRENDY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: The two agents sit with Coach Matt and Luke when Bella and Emilio walk up. Agent Phil is shocked to see both of them but pleased to see Bella. She explains Emilio is there and would make a great client, too. Phil demurs but wants to keep Bella happy so says he will definitely consider it and talk to the head agency manager. Matt and Luke and very happy with Mark and sign up with him.
MIDDLE: When the two agents leave with Coach Matt, Luke encourages Bella to sign with Phil. Emilio interjects that Luke doesn’t know what he’s talking about and Emilio has contacts that he wants Bella to check out. Luke tries to protect Bella and Emilio tells him to butt out. Luke and Emilio have words and Emilio nearly comes to blows. Bella is shocked but calms him down and Luke excuses himself and leaves.
END: Bella is about to leave too, when Emilio apologizes and gets on his knees, pulling out a huge diamond ring. He says he’s been planning it a long time but didn’t want to wait any longer and his mother gave him her ring to give Bella. The entire restaurant applauds and the manager brings over a bottle of champagne to celebrate. As the audience clamors for a “Kiss, kiss!” Emilio pulls her back in a tango move, kisses her passionately and then says, now they can both use the same agent. Bella is so giddy over the engagement ring that she lets it slide, hoping his focus is on her, not the agent.
EXT. TRENDY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Waiting for the valet, Emilio calls his parents, INEZ and HECTOR. EMILIO: She loved the ring. INEZ: We’ll make the final plans the night before graduation. Now let me talk to Bella.
Inez tells Bella how excited she is to meet her Emilio at the luncheon Inez planned next week. She asks how Bella likes the ring. Bella gushes about how beautiful it is but more importantly she can’t wait to meet her and Hector. Emilio takes the phone back and listens to the instructions from his parents. He answers “yes” to every one of their directives that they will organize the wedding in short order. Emilio keeps his arm around Bella’s waist the entire time. Bella is too excited about being engaged to even listen to him.
MIDDLE:
EXT. COLLEGE AUDITORIUM – DAY
After the graduation ceremony, Inez and Hector meet Bella and Emilio in their caps and gowns, taking video and many photos. Bella’s mom Valencia walks up and Emilio’s parents insist she join them in the limousine to the private club for lunch. Walking to the vehicle, Inez scoots in between Valencia and Bella, locking arms with Bella and telling her they will become best of friends as she was with her mother-in-law. Hector grills Valencia and learns she has a janitorial cleaning service, then suggests he’d be happy to invest in the business and expand it to Atlanta where he could send her some business. Valencia graciously thanks him but says she prefers to stay small and local to raise her four other children. The dad is miffed but Emilio smoothes everything over by giving Valencia his arm and complimenting her on raising such a terrific daughter.
END:
INT. PRIVATE CLUB – DAY
At the lunch in a private room, servers and a sommelier cater to everyone’s whim. Hector taps his champagne glass and toasts to the couple, saying they will host the wedding in Puerto Rico and their wedding gift will be a new home fully furnished. Bella is overwhelmed with happiness, crying tears of joy. Valencia quietly asks her if Inez has talked to her about what Bella wants for a wedding and Bella says it doesn’t matter. She wants an MLB contract and a husband and now she can have it all, just as her Papa dreamed for her. Valencia warns that Inez and Hector like to control and is worried about Emilio being the same way. Bella says not to worry because Emilio adores her and she will be very happy. While at the lunch, PHIL the agent calls and texts Emilio’s phone, but he ignores them. On the way out, Phil texts Bella to meet him for coffee the next day alone. She nervously bites her lip, then texts OK.
ACT 3, KEY SCENE 3: Things start going well until…
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
BEGINNING:
Phil explains to Bella he has been calling Emilio for weeks with no answer. Bella says they got engaged and have been busy. He again offers to rep her, get endorsements and promote her in the draft. She tells him he has to represent Emilio or she won’t do it. She corrects herself, she can’t do it to her fiancé. Reluctantly, Phil agrees. She calls Emilio with the good news of the offer to represent them both. Emilio blows up and accuses her of going behind his back. He rushes over to the coffee shop ready to attack the agent, but Phil pulls out two contracts. Emilio grabs them and says they have to let their lawyers go over them.
INT: LAW OFFICE – DAY
MIDDLE:
Hector explains to his lawyer JAMES that he has paid bribes to get Emilio drafted. All James has to do is play along and pretend to be a tough negotiator but in the end give in to their terms so they will both get a deal. But add in the contingency that Bella’s approval is contingent on Emilio’s agreement too. Soon, Phil, Bella and Emilio arrive and after the lawyer wants to change a word or phrase here or there, they sign the two representation agreements with the contingency that Bella does not even see. Phil signs the deal and immediately presents some endorsements to them and the lawyers to approve. Emilio says he can’t approve without getting endorsements for him. Bella is surprised that the would try to hold her back. She puts her hand on his and says this will be good for both of them as they build their reputations and lives together. Hector tries to interject but Emilio stops him, almost as if on cue. The lawyer reminds Hector that Emilio has the final say, not Hector. They’ve rehearsed this but Bella doesn’t realize. Emilio grudgingly agrees, which makes Bella so happy she kisses Emilio in the office, a public display of affection she doesn’t like.
EXT. LAW OFFICE – DAY
END:
Outside the building, while Emilio is still with the lawyer, Phil tells Bella it will become more difficult to get her good deals if Emilio has to approve them. And he is finding it hard to get interest in Emilio due to his hothead reputation. He says some team scouts he’s been talking to won’t touch him even if they want a good catcher. He wants her to be prepared that she may be the only one drafted, leaving Emilio in the dust. Bella laughs it off and says they just don’t know him and he’s wonderful. She is sure he will be drafted. Phil says he hopes she’s right. Bella nods and says she knows she is.
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M.M. Has Completed Act 2 Draft 1
What I learned in this assignment is to outline scenes first and plug them in the holes, then work on writing them to upgrade from the 20% level. These new scenes show the POV of the other characters before they interact in certain scenes with Bella.
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NEW SCENE:
INT. BELLA’S DORM ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Luke tells Bella his stepmom Grace consulted with a law firm on a Supreme Court case that was just decided in their favor. She helped with the Second Amendment Constitutional issues. Bella asked what it was about.
MIDDLE: When Luke explains the case and its impact on gun ownership, Bella says she has been thinking about buying a handgun. He asks if anything has happened in the dorm. She assures him it’s still very safe requiring key fob entries to elevators and floors, but she wants to get one for her own protection.
END: Luke offers to help her pick out a gun and then show her how to shoot at his favorite indoor shooting range. Bella is elated. As a postscript she asks how he and Mia are doing. He says he has just been too busy to worry about it but he calls her and she says she understands how busy he is. Bella comments that he has his priorities in order, with the MLB draft coming up in a few months. They agree to go to the gun shop after the next practice.
NEW SCENE:
INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Emilio walks up, late, dressed in a suit, with a white silk shirt open to his navel. His parents are waiting on him. His father taps his watch. His mother tells him to button his shirt, stop dressing like a playboy, and start acting like the respectable young man she raised.
MIDDLE: All through dinner the only topic is Emilio’s love life. Who are you dating? Why did you stop seeing the other one? Who are your prospects for a wife? Over dessert, his father lays down the law. If Emilio wants to continue living off his trust fund he needs to get married. Pick a girl – one who can have babies – and marry her by this summer after he graduates, if not sooner. His mother tells him he needs an heir to the family fortune.
END: Emilio defiantly says his goal is to get drafted to MLB and he wants to be a pro before he gets married. His father puts him in his place and tells him beggars can’t be choosers. He isn’t the top catcher in the college rankings but he will still get on a team. Emilio can’t get a word in edgewise until the waiter gives his father the check. Emilio grabs it from him, pays it and tells his parents that when he gets drafted, he’ll get married. His father him not to worry – the fix is in. He has paid the right scouts and agents to make sure he’ll be picked. His mother adds she’ll buy a house and have it fully furnished and decorated for him and his bride. All he needs to do is find someone he wants permanently in his bed. She reminds him that the money is from her family and she will cut him off if he gets a divorce. Emilio meekly agrees. He isn’t about to give up all that money even though he doesn’t want to get his wings clipped. He’ll just have to make it work. But with which girl?
NEW SCENE:
INT. DORM KITCHEN – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Mia returns to the dorm and runs into Bella in the kitchen, cooking a delicious Puerto Rican meal. She sits down at the table and of course Bella invites her to join her. Bella asks how she and Luke are doing. Mia waves her off with a quick “Fine,” and continues eating her food.
MIDDLE: Bella tells her the plan of playing hard to get isn’t getting any reaction from Emilio. She asks Mia what else she can do to get his attention. Does she have any other tricks of the trade? Mia just stares at her and tells her to forget him. Emilio is out of her league. She should know because she’s been seeing him since Bella introduced them. She rubs it in by saying she sees a future with him, especially since he’s sure to become a pro MLB player.
END: Bella says then she won’t mind if Bella spends more time with Luke, since she’s tied up with Emilio. Mia jumps up and tells her to stay away from Luke because he’s still her official boyfriend. She adds Emilio is just a friend that Mia is working on to become more. Bella says Luke doesn’t deserve to get hurt and maybe she’ll just bring him up to speed. Mia tosses her plate of food on Bella and threatens her not to tell Luke a word or she’ll be sorry. She adds they are through as friends. Mia storms out. Bella shrugs and says they were never friends, just acquaintances who went to the same school She pulls out her cell and punches in a number. Luke answers.
NEW SCENE:
INT. CONVERTIBLE – MOVING – NIGHT
BEGINNING: On the way home from the shooting range, Emilio gets a call on his cell. It’s Mia.
MIDDLE: Angry from the loss to Luke, he takes it out on Mia, insulting her that he was never interested in her to begin with and just wanted to make Bella jealous.
END: Mia starts crying. Emilio ignores her sobs and tells her not to call him again.
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M.M.’S ACT II TP – MIDPOINT
What I learned doing this assignment is to turn the story around by keeping the character on the same journey but with a different meaning.
EXT. DORM BUILDING – NIGHT
Luke drops Bella off and kisses her on the cheek. In the shadows near the steps, Emilio watches jealously and waits till Luke drives away. When Bella walks up the steps to the building, Emilio surprises her. He hands her a bouquet of flowers.
She is overwhelmed by the gesture. She smells the flowers longer than usual waiting for him to speak first.
Emilio apologizes to her for blowing up and blaming her. She continues to smell the flowers, ignoring what he says and then thanking him for the flowers and reaching for the door.
He puts his hand on hers and asks her to go with him to have a burger. She agrees.
EXT. BURGER DRIVE IN – NIGHT
Emilio and Bella munch on burgers, fries and malts in his expensive convertible with the top down, of course. Several girls in a car drive by and wave to him. He starts to wave to them, but instead takes Bella’s hand and kisses it chivalrously. He pushes the remote to put the convertible top back on. It’s much more intimate in the small car.
He turns to her and being serious for the first time. At first he fumbles over his words. “I can’t explain it but I am drawn to you. You’re a mystery .” She says with a sly grin, “But you knew me in Puerto Rico.” He nods slowly. “My bad for not recognizing you right away. I knew your name was familiar but — well, that’s water under the bridge, isn’t it? Can we start again?”
Bella motions to the other girls in the car that parked nearby. The girls are focusing on Emilio. “What about them?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing. They’re nothing. I don’t even know who they are.”
She says, “If this were to work — and that’s a BIG IF — I need the truth from you. Jealousy isn’t in my nature, and I don’t need details but I do want the truth.”
He nods, “I went out with the redhead once – only once.”
She said, “Don’t tell me anything else. But what about Mia?”
Emilio looks surprised. “Mia? What about Mia?”
Bella asks, “She said she’s been seeing you. Are you? You know she’s Luke’s girlfriend? At least supposed to be.”
Emilio said, “Actually I didn’t. We studied once – you know that. She called me several times. A pest really. She just talks about shopping and herself. I never called her back. She’d probably like to go out again, but she’s boring. I think she got the message – gives me the cold shoulder in class. But you. Bella, you’re —– different.”
Bella looks at him questioningly.
Emilio adds quickly, “In a good way. In a very good way. I want to know more about you. Give me a chance to show you what a good boyfriend I can be? How great I can be to you? I guess what I’m saying is will you be my girlfriend?”
Bella asks, “Exclusive?”
Emilio nods. “Absolutely.”
Bella offers her hand again to him. As he kisses it slowly, she adds, “I’m a virgin and will stay that way till marriage.”
His lips lift slightly off her hand and then he kisses it again. “Understood.”
Same journey: Bella has played hard to get for a relationship with Emilio all the way to marriage.
Different meaning: Now he’s chasing her and will have to prove himself to her, rather than the other way around.
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M.M.’s Act 2 Middle Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is how to be even quicker with an outline. The story is not going the way I thought or had on my beat sheet, so it is constant course correction. The characters know where they want to go, which is often surprising.
KEY SCENE 2
EXT. COLLEGE BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
BEGINNING: At practice, Luke and Bella joke around playfully as they pitch and catch. Emilio walks up and asks if they need a catcher but they both turn him down simultaneously. Mia is in the stands, ostensibly to watch Luke, or her friend Bella, but she can’t take her eyes off Emilio.
MIDDLE: Luke and Bella clap each other’s shoulder and Bella taps Luke’s behind. When he doesn’t flinch, Emilio thinks they may be more than just friends. Maybe he’s missing out. He looks up in the stands and sees Mia who waves and grins, but he ignores her and turns back to Luke and Bella as he catches for relief pitchers on the team.
END: He turns to watch Luke and Bella with their heads together whispering and quietly laughing about something. He fumes and misses a pitch. The asst coach yells at him. For the first time, Emilio is jealous.
INT./EXT. LOCKER ROOMS – MEN’S- DAY
BEGINNING: After his shower, Emilio purposely runs into Luke and casually asks what he thinks about Bella. Luke is cagey which riles Emilio.
INT./EXT. LOCKER ROOMS – WOMEN’S – DAY
MIDDLE: Bella darts out of the girls’ locker room to find Emilio there. He feigns bumping into her and waits for her to say something. Bella follows her “hard to get” plan which is getting harder for her. She tells Emilio, “Sorry. See you later,” and she rushes out. Bites her lip. That was hard to just walk away. Even harder not to turn back and smile at him. She’s determined to win him over even though she hates playing the “hard to get” game.
EXT. LOCKER ROOMS – HALL – DAY
END: Emilio watches Bella meet up with Luke as he exits the locker room. She tells Luke about her plan and they talk loudly enough for Emilio to overhear them. Luke offers to take her to his favorite gun shop and practice on the indoor shooting range. They high-five each other, heading for the exit. Now Emilio is the one left alone in the hall. But at least he knows where they’re going.
KEY SCENE 3
INT. GUN SHOP – DAY
BEGINNING: Bella looks over the guns in the cases, asking for Luke’s advice. He suggests a few and she tries out different ones.
MIDDLE: The female clerk recognizes them and they talk baseball and handguns. Bella picks out a Glock, completes the FBI application and is instantly approved. Bella asks Luke how long he thinks it will take Emilio to show up and Luke says, “He’s driving into the lot now.”
END: They delay going into the range until they see Emilio enter the shop. He pretends to be surprised to see them. Bella realizes her plan is working. Luke challenges Emilio to a shooting contest in the range. Emilio, always up for competition, agrees. Emilio buys a new gun for the challenge, then he sees a long gun with laser and scope and loads up on ammo.
SCENE 3:
INT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
BEGINNING: Luke and Emilio start shooting in separate lanes. Bella walks behind the partition watching them and following the progress of each. Emilio is up one target, then Luke.
MIDDLE: In the final two rounds, Emilio and Luke are tied. Bella calls out encouragement to Emilio just as he fires his last shot and he misses the center target. Luke hits it and wins.
END: Emilio loses the competition and he fumes with anger. Luke offers to buy burgers for everyone but Emilio refuses. Bella tries to apologize to him, but he raises his voice so loud the owner asks him to leave. He storms out. Bella is distraught. The plan has backfired. She asks Luke to just take her home.
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M.M.’s Act 2 Reaction to TP 1
What I learned doing this assignment is to have fun doing a 20% version – gives more freedom to experiment and explore the character and the scenes.
ACT 1 TP (revised):
EXT. COLLEGE CLASSROOM – DAY
Bella smiles at Emilio, then half-heartedly introduces Mia to Emilio, who enjoys Mia’s flirtatious attitude. Mia asks Emilio if he has time to help her with the professor’s question on a specific painting he showed in class. Emilio grins and accepts. Bella’s heart drops. Mia places her hand on Emilio arm and coos up at him. He’s got her where he wants her. The two leave Bella standing alone in the hall in a sea of students swarming around her as they walk out of the building together.
ACT II, KEY SCENE 1: (Reaction to Act 1 Turning Point)
INT. BELLA’S DORM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Bella tries to study but can’t. Paces up and down. Opens a book. Closes it. Lifts some handheld barbells to relieve the tension. Doesn’t work. Walks down the hall to Mia’s room and knocks. No answer. Another knock. Silence.
MIDDLE: Back in her room, she has only typed the title of a paper. She can’t concentrate. Goes to the dorm kitchen and pops a frozen dinner in the microwave. From the communal living room, she hears a deep male laugh and what sounds like Mia’s voice giggling. She peers around the corner into the room and sees what looks like Mia’s head.
END: Bella walks up to her and says, “Mia, what’s going on? I thought we were going to get together tonight.” The girl turns her head – it’s not Mia. Bella turns red with embarrassment and rushes to her room. For the first time she’s jealous.
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M.M.’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is to continue to use the high speed writing rules and be satisfied with a 20% (or a little more) draft of Act I.
JUNE, 6 MONTHS FROM NOW
EXT. PRO BASEBALL STADIUM – NIGHT
The stadium is filled with screaming fans. First game of the season! MLB Icon Matt Morrison’s son Luke is starting pitcher. High hopes that this farm team game will spearhead a winning streak.
EXT. SEATING BEHIND HOME PLATE – NIGHT
Bella watches her good friend preparing to pitch on the mound. She is visibly pregnant, wearing her monogrammed All-American baseball jersey.
EXT. INTERCUT MOUND/HOME PLATE – NIGHT
Luke warms up with his catcher, tossing and returning.
EXT. OUTFIELD – NIGHT
Outfielders get in position.
EXT. HOME PLATE – NIGHT
The first hitter takes his place and nods.
EXT. MOUND – NIGHT
Luke winds up. “First pitch of the rest of my life in MLB. No pressure here,” Luke mutters to himself. No problem. He blasts out a sizzling fastball.
EXT. HOME PLATE – NIGHT
WHIZ! The ball flies by the batter into the catcher’s glove.
“Strike one!” The ump makes the call.
Bella claps with excitement behind the plate with the VIP’s.
EXT. MOUND – NIGHT
Luke is excited. His first strike on his first pitch in his first game on an MLB farm team.
EXT. STANDS – NIGHT
Out of nowhere, a shot rings out.
Pandemonium!
The fans scatter, screaming and blocking all the exits as they push their way to safety.
EXT. FIELD – NIGHT
More shots ring out onto the field as players, coaches and umpires rush to dugouts and the building for safety.
Stadium security calls for police back-up while trying to locate the point of the shots. They finally spy a lone shooter, male, tall, and packing.
Bella scurries as fast as she can toward the dugout as a bullet whizzes by her.
Luke rushes toward her, just as POW! A bullet hits him in the leg.
EXT./INT. DUGOUT – NIGHT
Luke helps Bella join his teammates in the dugout. He opens his bag to find two concealed carries.
Luke gives Bella a determined look and peers out of the dugout with his trusty Glock.
BANG! BANG! Two shots, but who shot whom?
JANUARY, PRESENT DAY
EXT. COLLEGE BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
It’s college spring baseball tryouts. Coach Matt Morrison talks to the hopefuls sitting in the stands. He explains the rules of how tryouts will be run.
EXT. BASEBALL STANDS – DAY
Pitchers Bella and Luke sit with their group in the special “reserved” section for seniors.
The stands are filled with players, many of them wanna-be’s, anxious for some pearls of wisdom from MLB icon Coach Matt Morrison.
Luke and Bella chat. They’ve heard it all before – the Coach is Luke’s dad.
A to-die-for handsome dude saunters in and takes a seat below the group of seniors. He scans the place – who’s the cute girl? He nods to Bella.
Bella is taken aback. She knows him – Emilio Cruz. Hasn’t seen him in 5 years since they played on opposing baseball teams back in San Juan. She always had a secret crush on him but he didn’t give her the time of day. Maybe today will be different?
Emilio looks back up at Bella. She seems his glimmer of recognition, or is it just his playboy ways? He winks and points to the seat next to him. It’s all about control with him. Especially control over women.
PLACEHOLDER (backstory): Emilio was the star catcher in Puerto Rico – All-National team, every baseball award you could win. The ones he didn’t actually win were bought by his filthy rich parents. His mom’s family owns a multi-generational internationally-known rum factory. They decided to move with him to Georgia to help him get drafted into MLB. Their only child and son deserves his dream come true.
Emilio watches Bella walk down the steps to meet him, smiling at him. He chuckles to himself. His motto is “when a girl smiles at you, she’s already in your bed.”
Bella takes the seat next to him. Emilio smiles – perfect teeth. He brushes his jet black hair back – perfect hair. He waits to let her talk. She doesn’t want to tell him who she is so asks him about himself. What position do you play? From then on, Emilio dominated the conversation. “Catcher. And a really strong one. Made the All-Star team in Puerto Rico.”
Bella smiles. She may not have much experience with men but she does with baseball players. They love to talk about themselves.
Emilio is intrigued and asks her out — not for any particular day, just to see what she’ll say. “Want to go out with me?”
“Sure” she says. Then she asks him about the All-Star team. He beams and rattles on nonstop.
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Coach Matt calls the student hopefuls onto the field to begin the tryouts.
EXT. BASEBALL STANDS – DAY
Emilio excuses himself to Bella. He saunters down the stadium steps with his lanky legs.
Bella hurries to catch up with him.
Emilio turns back to see her. Surprise on his fact. She plays, too? A girl on a college team? Wait a minute – is she the one from San Juan that pitched against him?
EXT BASEBALL FIELD – EXT.
All the hopefuls line up on the field by position. Coach Matt and his assistant coaches start the exercises.
Tryouts begin.
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Bella, Emilio and Luke walk out of baseball tryouts together, exhausted but happy. Each made the team.
Bella congratulates Emilio on his superb catching to her pitching.
He puts his arm around her and says they make a great team.
Luke knows he’s a third wheel and splits off in a different direction and says he’s got to call his on-again girlfriend Mia. Bella asks him to tell her hi for her.
Bella tells Emilio she’ll see him in practice but he steers Bella to his car, a shiny new convertible. He asks her if she wants to go with him to grab a burger.
She beams and accepts. She stands by the door waiting for him to open it. He ignores it then says to hop in. She shrugs and gets in.
As Emilio drives off, he tells her he doesn’t even know her name.
Bella stares at him in shock. He doesn’t remember her? They played on opposing baseball teams in San Juan. She keeps it to herself and tells him her name.
He says it sounds familiar.
She keeps it to herself, wondering if she should tell. But she’s still excited to be on a date with him!
INT. UPSCALE WOMEN’S BOUTIQUE – DAY
Bella meets up with Mia, her sort of BFF at college after Mia apologized for being a mean girl to her in high school. After all, Bella is a baseball star and Mia loves to bask in that limelight.
Bella asked to meet with Mia for some romantic advice. Mia has money to burn and asks Bella to carry a load of clothes to the dressing room.
Bella asks how Mia and Luke are getting on and Mia says great but she’s bored because all Luke wants to do is study and play baseball.
Mia asks Bella about the interesting man she’s met that she wanted to talk about.
Bella mentions a new baseball player who transferred in this semester; doesn’t mention his name.
Self-absorbed Mia half listens while trying on clothes, darting out for Bella’s required approval then changing into a new outfit.
Bella finally says his name is Emilio Cruz.
Mia jumps out of the dressing room. Mia says he’s the hottest guy in her Art History class, a cinch class that C students take for the credit hours. She’s been trying to get his attention with no luck.
Bella casually mentions they’ve known each other for years back in Puerto Rico and played baseball for different schools.
Mia lights up and asks for an introduction.
Bella says they’ve already had a date and he asked her out again for the weekend.
Mia pouts and goes back to trying on clothes.
As Mia pays the expensive tab for all her clothes and loads Bella down with bags and boxes, Bella says she really likes Emilio and with all their things in common, she sees him as husband material.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Mia piles her purchases into her car parked in front of the boutique. She gives Bella some last-minute advice.
“Play hard to get and let him go out with other girls. Then he’ll miss you and come back begging to be exclusive with you.”
Bella is worried. “But I really like him. I don’t want to chase him away. I think he likes me too.”
Mia says, ‘That’s the point. You don’t have enough experience to know a guy like Emilio. He’ll rush you hard then break your heart.”
Bella says they have a lot in common, from their old hometown to their culture and language and moving to the U.S. and playing baseball.
Mia says if she wants him long-term she has to let him spread his wings now. Mia then offers generously to go out with him to help Bella.
Bella ask if Luke would mind and Mia says he won’t know and if he knows, he won’t care.
Besides Mia sees Emilio with a different girl after every class so he’s clearly a player. Bella agrees to introduce them, then bites her lip, realizing she made a big mistake.
INT. COLLEGE DORM DINING ROOM – DAY
Mia meets Bella on the pretext of giving Bella more advice on men. Bella is all ears, waiting for advice to make Emilio more interested in her.
Mia convinces Bella the best plan is to introduce Emilio to her “to make him jealous.”
Bella balks because she really likes him and doesn’t want to push him away. She is also concerned that if Mia starts seeing Emilio, she will hurt her good friend Luke, who is Mia’s boyfriend.
Mia assures her Luke is too busy and won’t know anything.
Bella is inexperienced with men and trusts worldly Mia, so she agrees to go ahead with the plan after Mia’s class.
EXT. COLLEGE CLASSROOM – DAY
Bella waits outside Mia’s Art History classroom for the class to end. Students come and go. Bella gets a phone call.
Bella answers it. It’s Luke.
As they talk, Bella feels a tap on the shoulder. Luke hangs up the phone and continues their conversation in person.
Bella learns he is there to surprise Mia since he’s been too busy with practice and games lately. He wants to show her he cares. Bella feels guilty about the plan.
The classroom door opens. Mia walks out a few students ahead of Emilio. She spies Bella and smiles.
Then Mia sees Luke and her face drops, motioning to Bella to cancel the plan.
But Bella is still engrossed in a laughing conversation with Luke. She doesn’t see Emilio walk out into the hall.
Emilio is focused on Luke and Bella laughing. He doesn’t like it.
Bella introduces Emilio to Mia. He barely nods at her.
Mia is humiliated in front of Bella, who doesn’t even notice.
Emilio links arms with Bella, takes charge and says he’s taking her to one of his favorite places. Mia is crushed.
Luke puts his arm around Mia, not noticing her disappointment. Luke suggests a double date at the local malt shop.
Emilio abruptly cuts him off and says he has something special planned for Bella.
Bella, oblivious to the emotions raging among the others, waves happily to Luke and Mia as she walks off with Emilio, his head close to hers as he whispers sweet nothings in her ear. Bella adores him already.
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M.M.’s Turning Point Act 1
What I learned in this assignment is how crucial the Turning Point of an Act is and that each Act must end with a Turning Point that flips the action in another direction.
ACT 1 BEAT SHEET
INT. COLLEGE DORM DINING ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Mia meets Bella to give her more advice on Emilio.
MIDDLE: Bella balks at introducing her to Emilio to date.
END: Bella agrees but doesn’t want Luke to get hurt.
EXT. COLLEGE CLASSROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Bella waits outside Mia’s Art History classroom.
MIDDLE: Luke walks up and starts chatting.
END: When class is out, Mia exits and sees Luke. Emilio walks out and high fives Luke. Bella half-heartedly introduces her and Emilio links arms with Bella, inviting her on a surprise date.
ACT 1 OUTLINE
INT. COLLEGE DORM DINING ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Mia meets Bella on the pretext of giving Bella more advice on men. Bella is all ears, waiting for advice to make Emilio more interested in her.
MIDDLE: Mia convinces Bella the best plan is to introduce Emilio to her “to make him jealous.” Bella balks because she really likes him. She is also concerned about hurting her good friend Luke, who is Mia’s boyfriend.
END: Mia assures her Luke is too busy and won’t know anything. Bella is inexperienced with men and trusts worldly Mia, so she agrees to go ahead with the plan after Mia’s class.
EXT. COLLEGE CLASSROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Bella waits outside Mia’s Art History classroom for the class to end. Students come and go and Bella gets a phone call.
MIDDLE: Bella answers it. It’s Luke. As they are talking, Bella feels a tap on the shoulder as Luke hangs up the phone and continues their conversation in person. Bella learns he is there to surprise Mia since he’s been too busy with practice and games lately. He wants to show her he cares. Bella feels guilty about the plan.
END: The classroom door opens. Mia walks out a few students ahead of Emilio. She spies Bella and smiles. Then she sees Luke and her face drops, motioning to Bella to cancel the plan. Emilio is focused on Luke and Bella laughing. He doesn’t like it. Bella introduces Emilio to Mia. He nods and links arms with Bella, takes charge and says he’s taking her to one of his favorite places. Mia is crushed, Luke happily puts his arm around Mia, not noticing her disappointment, and Bella waves happily to both of them with Emilio
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M. M.’s Act I Opening Scenes
What I learned in this lesson was how to speed write the start of the script. Fun – no wasting time – no waiting for the right words – just pure writing and fast.
TEASER: PROTAGONIST INTRODUCTION
EXT. PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL STADIUM – NIGHT (Ending to this scene is the ending of the screenplay)
BEGINNING: Bella watches her good friend Luke warm up on the mound, pitching his first game on an MLB farm team. She is visibly pregnant, wearing her monogrammed All-American baseball jersey.
MIDDLE: Out of nowhere, a shot rings out. Pandemonium! The fans scatter, screaming and blocking all the exits. More shots ring out onto the field as players, coaches and umpires rush to dugouts and the building for safety. Stadium security calls for police back-up while trying to locate the point of the shots. They see a lone shooter, male, tall, and packing.
END: Bella scurries as fast as she can toward the dugout as a bullet whizzes by her. Luke rushes toward her, just as POW! A bullet hits him in the leg. He and Bella join teammates in the dugout and he opens his bag to find two concealed carries. He gives Bella a determined look and peers out of the dugout with his trusty Glock. Unbeknownst to him, Bella grabs the other gun and aims outside the dugout. BANG! Another gunshot, but who shot who?
SCENE 2: ANTAGONIST INTRODUCTION
EXT. COLLEGE BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
BEGINNING: It’s college spring baseball tryouts. Pitchers Bella and Luke sit with their group in the special “reserved” section for seniors.
The stands are filled with players, many of them wanna-be’s, anxious for some pearls of wisdom from MLB icon Coach Matt Matthews. Luke and Bella chat. They’ve heard it all before – the Coach is Luke’s Dad.
MIDDLE: A to-die-for handsome dude saunters in and takes a seat below the group of seniors. He scans the place – who’s the cute girl? He nods to Bella then takes his seat. Bella is taken aback . She knows him — Emilio Sanchez. Hasn’t seen him in 5 years. They were on competitive baseball teams back in San Juan. She always had a secret crush on him but he didn’t give her the time of day. Maybe today will be different?
Emilio looks back at Bella. She sees his glimmer of recognition, or is it just his playboy ways? He winks and points to the seat next to him. It’s all about control with him. Especially control over women. Emilio was the star catcher in Puerto Rico – All-National team, every baseball award you could win. The ones he didn’t actually win were bought by his filthy rich parents. His mom’s family owns a multi-generational internationally-famous rum factory. They decided to move with him to Georgia to help him get drafted into MLB. Their only son deserves his dream come true.
END: Emilio watches Bella walk down the steps to meet him, smiling at him. He chuckles to himself. His motto is “when a girl smiles at you, she’s already in your bed.” Bella takes the place next to him. Emilio smiles – perfect teeth. He brushes his hair back. Perfect hair. He strikes up a conversation and immediately asks her out. She smiles.
Coach Matt calls the seniors onto the field. Emilio excuses himself, then finds Bella trailing after him. She plays, too? Tryouts begin.
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M.M.’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned in this assignment is how to do improve the Beat Sheet by interspersing the theme and adding the Antagonist’s Journey.
Act 1:
EXT. BASEBALL STADIUM – NIGHT
Teaser: Lone shooter in the baseball stadium during the national college championships game; turns out to be Emilio (end of the story).
EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – DAY
Luke honks the horn and Bella rushes out. He laughs and reminds her that she was late the first time he ever met her as a college senior on tryouts day.
INT. COLLEGE GYM – DAY
Opening: Head Coach Matt explains how the spring tryouts will work and talks up the national college baseball championships.
EXT. COLLEGE BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
College spring baseball tryouts. Bella and Luke and many others listen to Coach Matt before the tryouts begin. A devastatingly handsome dude saunters in and takes a seat near them. Bella recognizes him – Emilio – a high school crush from back in Puerto Rico. They strike up a conversation. Emilio immediately takes control and asks Bella to sit with him. She does. They catch up and tryouts begin.
INT. RITZY RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Emilio sits with his parents. His father says he is a college senior and it’s time to settle down, pick a wife and have an heir. His mother says he doesn’t have to love her but he does need to treat her well, and that they will give her a monthly allowance so he won’t have to cut his lifestyle. Emilio says what if he just wants to play baseball. His parents say that is not an option and he better find a wife before MLB draft – that gives him about 6-8 months. His father says they will be closing on a house soon so it will be move-in ready. His mother says his bride will love not having to decorate and pick out furniture, and she’ll have everything down to guest towels and dishware. They continue talking about the parents’ criteria in a bride and Emilio dutifully listens. When he asks what happens if he doesn’t, his father shakes his head and says he will be cut off so don’t even think about it.
PLACEHOLDER (SERIES OF SCENES/DATES)
Emilio immediately puts the rush on Bella and they become a couple.
INT. WOMEN’S BOUTIQUE – DAY
TE 1: Bella believes she will have love and security by marrying Emilio. She discusses it with Mia, Luke’s girlfriend. Mia, jealous of Luke’s relationship with Bella, pushes Bella toward Emilio.
EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
Inciting Incident: Emilio asks Bella out on a first date at the range. She proves to be a natural marksman, beats Emilio. She teases him about beating him to the point that he barely holds his temper.
EXT. COLLEGE BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Luke and Bella joke around so playfully, tapping each other on the shoulder and behind as players do, that Emilio gets jealous.
INT. HUNTING LODGE – NIGHT
Emilio introduces Bella to his parents on a hunting weekend. They check her out and when Bella is taking a shower in the guest room, they tell Emilio they approve. She seems submissive enough for Emilio and will fit into the family as a Puerto Rican living in the States. And she is a rising baseball star. Emilio tells them she will have to drop that. They ask how he will convince her to do it and he says he’s the master of the house and he will get what he wants or else. Emilio’s mother gives him a family heirloom ring and tells him to propose that night. After dinner, the parents retire early to the room and Emilio invites Bella outside for a walk.
EXT. MOONLIT LAKE – NIGHT
Turning Point – Emilio gets serious about Bella and proposes on a deck in the moonlit lake near the cabin. She is thrilled to accept but she makes him promise not to say anything to the team until baseball season is over. He agrees. He broaches the subject of not continuing with the MLB draft, and she changes the subject asking him to soak up the romantic view.
MONTAGE – BASEBALL GAMES, DUGOUT GLANCES, HUNTING TRIPS
They share a passion for baseball and hunting and make a good team. During games in the dugout, Emilio and Bella steal glances at each other. Several times Emilio tries to raise the idea of dropping out of baseball but Bella changes the subject. Emilio’s temper flares but he manages to keep it in check. He gets frustrated that she keeps controlling the conversation.
Act 2:
EXT. COLLEGE BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
New plan: Scouts watch the team in action and approach Bella, but not Emilio. He is infuriated and walks off, punching his fist in his hand. He cannot let her get ahead of him, not in baseball.
INT. EMILIO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
He calls his parents and tells them he has to be the star of their relationship; a girl can’t outshine him, even if he does care for her. They tell him not to worry – that their connections have arranged for him to be drafted but for him not to expect being in the top few picks. They have to make it look natural since his stats aren’t worthy of a top draft pick.
INT. BELLA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Bella shares her plan with Luke over dinner at her place to have it all – MLB draft, husband and then a family. Luke cautions her about Emilio’s temper shown on the field. Bella brushes it off.
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
TE 2: Over dinner, Emilio shares that he wants them to use the same agent — hers. Bella balks. Emilio pressures her. She realizes he is using her to get an agent for the MLB draft but she goes along with it.
INT. AGENCY OFFICE – DAY
Bella’s agent meets with Emilio. He is polite and says he wants to think over signing him but Bella gives him an ultimatum – he has to rep Emilio or he can’t rep her. The agent reluctantly agrees. Emilio says that he will be making all decisions for Bella in the future and the agent has to go through him. Bella nods meekly. The agent advises against it and asks if she will reconsider and she starts to say yes, but Emilio squeezes her hand so it smarts and she shakes her head.
EXT. PUERTO RICAN BEACH – DAY
Plan in action: Emilio and Bella get married back “home”. Emilio dances with all the women.
INT. BEACHFRONT MANSION – DAY
Emilio’s parents sit Bella down and tell her what is expected of her as Emilio’s wife. His father gives her a debit card and tells her how much money he will put in an account for her every month if she is a “good girl” and does what Emilio wants. Emilio walks in and Bella asks if he knows about it. Emilio says she knew what she was getting into and now she has to quit the MLB draft. Bella is speechless. Emilio is in total control.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – NIGHT
Bella and Emilio return and move into a beautiful new home bought by Emilio’s wealthy parents. She thought they would be living in his apartment, and cannot stand the decor but feigns happiness at the furniture that is not at all her taste or what she wants in a home.
INT. PRIVATE CLUB – NIGHT
Emilio’s parents throw a huge post-wedding party with all of their friends to introduce Bella to them. Emilio drags her on his arm to show her off like a prized possession. She wonders if this is what her life will be like. He insists she follow his lead, do as he says and say what he suggests. She feels smothered and completely dominated.
EXT. CAFE – DAY
Bella talks with her mother Valencia about Emilio’s temper. Valencia tells her to be understanding and any arguments will blow over. Her advice: Just be a good wife.
INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – DAY
Bella is hard at work studying in a carrel back to back with Luke. He leans around and starts joking. They start laughing so much the other students shush them until they rush out.
EXT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – DAY
Emilio is waiting for Bella and angry that she is with Luke. She learns Emilio has a tracking app on her phone. Luke tries to calm him down and he threatens him unless he leaves. He says he ha a date with Mia anyway so no problem. Bella chides Emilio for treating their friend that way. Emilio reminds her she is his wife and she is to do as he says. And he wants her to stay away from Luke. She reminds him they are all on the same team and Emilio says she can be polite but not talk alone with him.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – NIGHT
Bella gets a call from the agent who is dropping her and Emilio and won’t discuss it further. She is furious and disillusioned, feels trapped with nowhere to go. Emilio accuses her of telling the agent to drop her. Bella tries to talk to Emilio and explain she can be trusted. He brushes her off.
INT. BURGER JOINT – DAY
Bella continues her friendship with Luke and asks him what to do about Emilio wanting to control her decisions with her agent. He suggests talking to his dad Coach Matt. Mia pops in and squeezes into the booth, interrupting their conversation.
COACH MATT’S OFFICE – DAY
Bella asks Coach Matt for advice about the agent who dropped her. He makes a couple of phone calls to agents. They speak to Bella and schedule a trip to visit with her. She asks about Emilio and they say they can’t take him on due to his non-stellar career. She says she has to think about it and can’t make a decision without talking to him. Coach Matt asks her if she is sure she knows what she is doing and she nods.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – BATHROOM – NIGHT
Midpoint Turning Point: Bella learns she is pregnant from a pregnancy test. She jumps for joy!
EXT. SHOOTING RANGE – DAY
TE 3: In the middle of shooting, Bella can’t hold it in any longer. She tells Emilio she is pregnant. Emilio waves his gun in her direction telling her to get an abortion until the range director rushes over. Emilio says he was joking. She discovers Emilio is the enemy who wants her to abort her child.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
On the way home, Emilio orders her to have an abortion even though it is against their religion and Emilio feels guilty. She refuses. They get into huge fight. He accuses her of not respecting their wedding vows promising to “obey” and she accuses him of wanting to murder their child. He slaps her in the car. She cries and curls up in her seat.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – GUEST BEDROOM – NIGHT
Bella cries herself to sleep, hugging her stomach.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT
Emilio paces in the room.
INT. PRIVATE CLUB – NIGHT
Emilio’s parents meet with a baseball agent and hand him a stack of bills in an envelope. He agrees to sign Emilio and calls him.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT
Emilio gets a phone call from the agent and goes out..
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – GUEST BEDROOM – NIGHT
Bella hears the front door slam shut. Feels a sense of relief, but checks the lock on the door to make sure it is locked. She calls Luke and tells him what happened. Luke warns her to get out of there before Emilio returns and he’ll help her get a divorce lawyer. Bella downplays it and apologizes for calling him and says it will be fine..
Act 3:
EXT. PROLIFE AMERICA BUILDING – DAY
Rethink everything: Can Bella stay married to Emilio if he wants her to abort their baby, which goes against every value she holds? Bella drives back and forth in front of the building, wary of abortion activists jeering at her and throwing water balloons at her car. She builds up her courage, drives up to the gated parking lot, presses the button for entry and the gate opens enough to let her in. She drives in and sits quietly in her car. A young woman in a ProLife America T-shirt raps on her window and smiles. She escorts Bella in.
INT. PROLIFE AMERICA OFFICE – DAY
Bella goes in to get support. Gets an ultrasound and sees she is having a baby boy. The volunteer gives her a print of the ultrasound which Bella keeps with her. They coach her on how to handle Emilio and placate him and protect her baby, but warn her to document everything and install cameras in the house. She says she could not do that but thank them.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’s HOME
New plan: Bella wants to placate Emilio that they can both play baseball and that his career is more important than hers. She agrees to step back from the draft for a year; he makes her agree she won’t sign with an agent again. When she agrees, he tells her he signed with an agent who guarantees he will be drafted.
INT. PROLIFE AMERICA OFFICE – DAY
TE 4: Bella makes the decision to keep her child and drop out of the draft. Considers the best way to tell Emilio she is keeping the baby with the counselor. Decides not to tell Emilio right away.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Bella informs Emilio of her decision to keep the baby now that she won’t be drafted. Emilio is pleased that she is not competing with him in the draft. But he is still pushes her to have an abortion. She refuses and says if he does not support her having their baby, she will not say anything to the draft and stay in just to prove a point — that she will get drafted in a higher rank then he will. Emilio lies, saying he will support the pregnancy if she drops out.
INT. COACH MATT’S OFFICE – DAY
Bella tells Coach Matt about her pregnancy and Emilio’s reaction. Coach invites Bella and Emilio to dinner at his home with his wife Grace and son Luke and his girlfriend Mia. He plans to bring out their new baby boy that should melt Emilio’s heart for children.
INT. COACH MATT’S HOME – NIGHT
Dinner is a disaster. The baby cries and spits up all over Emilio who leaves in a huff and leaves Bella stranded. Mia pushes Luke to get engaged and she elicits Bella’s help but Bella won’t take sides. Bella
INT. COACH MATT’S OFFICE – DAY
Coach Matt and Bella talk by video chat with Emilio’s agent. Coach explains the situation and asks about endorsements during Bella’s off year.
PLACEHOLDER
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – The new agent drops Emilio and pivots to get endorsements for pregnant Bella with baby food and clothes companies.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
At home, Emilio is rageful about losing the agent and that he reps Bella now. He pushes Bella down and stomps into the kitchen, shouting at her. She is athletic and gets up and rushes down the hall to their bedroom.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME, MASTER BEDROOM- NIGHT
She locks herself in the bedroom and grabs her gun from her nightstand. Emilio beats on the door in an uncontrollable rage. She rushes into the bathroom and locks herself in.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME, BATHROOM- NIGHT
Bella dials 9-1-1 for the police and an ambulance. She hears Emilio beating on the bedroom door and screaming at her in a rage. She falls to the floor and holds her stomach, bleeding. (don’t know if she lost the baby).
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME, MASTER BEDROOM- NIGHT
Emilio kicks down the bedroom door and rushes to the bathroom, pounding on it and demanding that Bella come out.
INT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME, BATHROOM – NIGHT
Bella shakily points her gun at the bathroom door as she dials Luke’s number. When he answers she says “Luke, he’s going to kill me…” then passes out.
INT. LUKE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Luke is on the phone calling for Bella to talk to him. He hears Emilio’s threats “I’ll kill you and that baby if it’s the last thing I do. You ruined me and my career!” Then he hears shouts, “Police! Hands up!”
EXT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOME – NIGHT
Police push Emilio into the perp backseat and they drive off.
Luke drives up after they leave, finding the house dark but the front door wide open. He enters, sees the damage, takes photos everywhere not touching anything. He leaves just as the evidence van drives up.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Emilio is booked, fingerprinted, mug shot taken.
INT. LUKE’S CAR, MOVING – NIGHT
Luke calls area hospitals but they won’t tell him if she is there. He drives to each one to find her. Finally succeeds.
INT. POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Emilio’s family’s expensively-dressed lawyer shows up.
INT. JUDGE’S CHAMBERS – NIGHT
Emilio’s VIP status allows the lawyer to arraign him privately and get him out on a $250,000 bail.
INT. COURTHOUSE HALL – NIGHT
The lawyer warns Emilio not to go near Bella. Emilio tunes him out. He’s got his own ideas.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Police detectives ask Luke to leave, then they interview Bella and ask if she wants to press charges. At first she hesitates, then says no, but Luke steps in and says she has to press charges if she wants to be safe. The detectives make him leave and Bella agrees to press charges. In the hallway, Luke calls his dad Matt and asks for the best divorce lawyer in town. He thinks Emilio’s wealthy family will try to hire that lawyer so he wants to hire the lawyer first. Matt suggests someone and Luke arranges an appointment in the hospital for the next day.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Luke has stayed in Bella’s room all night. The doctor walks in and announces the ultrasound shows the baby is fine but wants her to stay for observation for another day.
EXT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Bella is discharged. Luke insists she move into his home and she and the baby can stay as long as she likes. She agrees she needs protection from Emilio.
INT. LUKE’S HOUSE – DAY
Luke moves Bella in with him.
INT. LUKE’S HOUSE, GUEST/BABY ROOM – NIGHT
Luke and Bella paint the baby’s room, laughing and flicking paint on each other. Bella paints clouds and stars on the ceiling with luminous paint. They turn the light off and stare at the ceiling. Luke stares at Bella until she turns and he praises her artwork. Bella senses he wants more but she ignores it. Does she want more, too? The mood is shattered by his cell phone and Mia leaving a message complaining she has not heard from him all day and that she’s bored.
INT. DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY
The Dean expels Emilio from the university. Emilio protests this will hurt his MLB chances. The general counsel for the university explains he can still go through the draft and doesn’t need to finish college. The Dean tells him Coach Matt is waiting for him.
INT. COACH MATT’S OFFICE – DAY
Coach Matt drops Emilio from the team.
EXT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Emilio is enraged Bella is not home. He jumps in his sports car.
INT. EMILIO’S SPORTSCAR, MOVING – NIGHT
Emilio heads for Luke’s house.
EXT. LUKE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Emilio can see Luke and Bella laughing in the dining room window. As Emilio approaches, Luke’s security lights and alarms go off. Within a minute, sirens approach and Emilio jumps in his car and drives off.
INT. PROLIFE AMERICA OFFICE – DAY
TE 5: Bella builds a new life for herself as a volunteer with ProLife America.
EXT. ABORTION CLINIC – DAY
Bella volunteers with ProLife America to join prayer groups outside the abortion clinic. She befriends a young woman hesitating about having an abortion and shows how pregnant she is. When the woman learns who Bella is, she changes her mind. The abortion clinic director screams at Bella for interfering with their business. The young woman drives out, then parks on the street and joins the prayer group, hugging Bella for helping her not make the biggest mistake of her life.
INT. PROLIFE AMERICA OFFICE – DAY
The director praises Bella’s courage and offers her a full-time position with as much time off as she needs for the baby. Bella happily accepts, knowing she has found a real home that loves her and her baby.
Act 4:
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Emilio tries to enter the field but is blocked by security. He shouts threats through the fences at Luke warming up. When he sees Bella sitting on the bench nearby, he threatens her until campus security rush toward him. Then he drives away.
INT. LUKE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Luke and Bella discuss the threats by Emilio with Coach Matt and an attorney who suggests getting a restraining order. Bella decisively agrees but also asks that he prepare divorce papers. The attorney makes a call and the top divorce lawyer in the state gets on a conference call and agrees to have the paperwork done the next day.
INT. CLERK’S OFFICE – DAY
Bella walks with her lawyer who files her divorce papers. He tells her not to worry and that he will go with her when the papers are served. The process server picks the papers and leaves to go to serve Emilio. Bella and the lawyer walk out in the direction of the courtrooms.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Bella sits with her lawyer. He obtains a restraining order from the judge. Following her tracking, Emilio is furious and bursts into the courtroom, trying to grab Bella saying she is his wife. The judge orders the bailiff to take Emilio to a holding cell and grants the order. Emilio shouts through the hallway that he is her husband and he can see his wife anytime he wants.
INT. HOLDING CELL – NIGHT
Emilio’s family’s expensively-dressed lawyer appears and says it was much more expensive to get him out this time. Emilio says his father can afford it.
EXT. EMILIO’S HOUSE – DAY
Emilio is served with the restraining order and divorce papers. He punches holes in the wall, and starts to light the master bedroom bed on fire but thinks better of it at the last minute.
MLB DRAFT – DAY
No surprise that Luke is a first draft pick as pitcher. He and Coach Matt hold a press conference – like father, like son. Emilio is not even considered for the draft. He calls his parents who tell him no one would touch him after the restraining order. His father chides him and says he had it all, and just had to hold his temper but he couldn’t do it and he’s a no-good loser. He’ll have to make it on his own. Emilio asks his mother and she says his father makes all the decisions. All he had to do was control his wife and this would never have happened, so it’s his fault for not keeping her in line. He tells them she is pregnant and they both shout at him that he should never have touched her. That is their heir too. His father says he is cutting him off from support.
INT. MALL – DAY
TE 6: Bella realizes she is in love with Luke, and has been since she met him her senior year in high school, four years earlier. After court, Luke takes Bella shopping and they buy baby furniture and clothes. While shopping, Bella comes to this realization.
INT. LUKE’S HOUSE – DAY
Luke sets up the baby furniture in one of the guest rooms.
EXT. BASEBALL STADIUM (teaser opening image):
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Luke is starting pitcher in his first game for the farm team on his way up to MLB. Bella sits on the field near the dugout, not in the stands. When the game starts and Luke pitches, Emilio in disguise moves down to a seat just above Bella and in front of home plate.
Emilio pulls out a gun and starts spraying bullets onto the field at Luke and Bella.
Fans scream and scatter, blocking exits so police cannot get down to Emilio’s spot.
Police call for backup and use a megaphone to demand that Emilio stand down.
Bella is rushed into the dugout by the catcher and Luke. Emilio grazes Luke’s leg but he hobbles into the dugout.
Emilio refuses and continues spraying bullets onto the field, though all the players, umpires and coaches have escaped to safety.
Emilio jumps down from the stands to the ground and heads to the dugout.
INT. DUGOUT – DAY
Bella has grabbed a concealed carry from Luke’s bag, having seen him pack two guns many times during practices together.
Luke grabs another one and together they both lean out of the dugout looking for Emilio.
From out of nowhere, Emilio shoots but misses as they both quickly retreat.
Bella tells Luke she needs to do this. He says he must do it.
TE 7: Bella protects herself against Emilio by shooting him. She leans out and sees Emilio rushing toward her, and shoots him just as Luke does the same thing.
EXT. STADIUM FIELD – DAY
Resolution: Emilio drops to the ground. EMT’s rush to the scene and pronounce him dead. They put Luke on a stretcher and Bella follows him as they walk toward the ambulance.
INT. AMBULANCE – DAY
TE 8: Bella commits to begin the relationship with Luke by riding in the ambulance with Luke on a stretcher.
INT. AMBULANCE, MOVING – DAY
Closing: Luke grabs Bella’s hand and leans up as Bella leans down to him. They kiss slowly for a long beat.
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M. M.’s Transformational Events
What I learned doing this assignment is to how to utilize transformational events to create plot turns and twists and help the character grow out of old ways into new ways for a richer story.
Bella’s Old Ways:
· Desire for love and security
· Submissiveness to Emilio and feeling “less than”
· Resignation to putting him first in life, love and baseball
· Giving up her dream (and her father’s for her) of being on an MLB team
· Acceptance of his abuse
Bella’s New Ways:
· Taking control of her life
· Self -confidence to divorce Emilio
· Self-worth as a woman, pitcher and future single mom
· Independence to join a pro-life movement
· Valuing herself over Emilio
Bella’s 8 Steps for Transformational Events Sequence:
· Believes she will have love and security by marrying Emilio.
· Learns Emilio is using her to get an agent for the MLB draft.
· Discovers Emilio is the enemy who wants her to abort her child.
· Makes the decision to divorce Emilio, keep her child and drop out of the draft.
· Builds a new life for herself with the pro-life movement.
· Protects herself against Emilio by shooting him.
· Realizes she has been in love with Luke for years.
· Commits to begin that relationship with a kiss.
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M.M.’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is that my original idea has changed substantially while going through this process and that the structure provides an outline of deepening the characters, story, plot and motivation.
THE PITCHER’S PRAYER: FIELD OF FIRE
· Concept: When a nationally-ranked college female pitcher marries a teammate just before the MLB drafts, she faces a crossroads of family and career that will change her life.
Main Conflict: Bella wants both
an MLB career and a family, but her new husband Emilio wants her to forget
her baseball dream and just support his career, aborting their baby along the
way.<div>· OLD WAYS:
o Acceptance of a traditional marriage
o Submissiveness to Emilio’s domination
o Putting Emilio first in life, love and baseball
· NEW WAYS:
o Self-confidence
o Independence
o Belief in her self-worth
o Taking control of her life
Act 1:
Teaser: Lone shooter in the baseball stadium
during the national college championships game; turns out to be Emilio (end of the story).Opening: College spring
baseball tryouts, where senior Bella runs into a high school crush from
back in Puerto Rico, Emilio, who transferred to the same college and both
make the team.Inciting Incident – Emilio gets jealous of Bella’s
platonic friendship with an MLB icon’s son Luke, a teammate; Emilio asks
Bella out on a first date at a shooting range. She proves she’s a natural
marksman.Turning Point – Emilio gets
serious about Bella and proposes; she accepts. They share a passion for
baseball and hunting and make a good team.Act 2:
New plan: Scouts watch the team
in action and approach Bella, but not Emilio. He wants to be the star of
their relationship; a girl can’t outshine him, even if he does love her.
Bella’s plan is to have it all – MLB draft, husband and then a family. <div>Plan in action: Emilio and
Bella get married, and Bella continues her friendship with Luke. Agents
start contacting Bella about a baseball career and endorsements, but
ignore Emilio.Midpoint Turning Point: Bella learns she is pregnant, but Emilio
orders her to have an abortion even though it is against their religion
and Emilio feels guilty. She refuses and joins a pro-life group for support.Act 3:
Rethink everything: Can Bella stay married to Emilio if he
wants her to abort their baby, which goes against every value she holds?New plan: Bella wants to
placate Emilio that they can do both and that his career is as important
as hers and agrees to step back from the draft for a year. She agrees with his demand that she won’t sign with an agent unless he represents both she and
Emilio.Turning Point: Huge failure /
Major shift – The agent drops Emilio and pivots to get endorsements for
pregnant Bella with baby food and clothes companies. Emilio is enraged and
tries to hurt Bella, who calls 9-1-1 when Emilio walks out. In the hospital, Bella calls Luke who takes her away
to live with him and protect her and her baby. Emilio is dropped from the team and
expelled from school.Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of
the conflict – Emilio becomes more
violent making threats to both Luke and Bella, but police do nothing. Emilio
is not even considered for the MLB draft. Luke is a # 1 draft pick as
pitcher. Bella files for divorce from Emilio.Resolution – In the national
college football championship game, Luke is starting pitcher for the Georgia
university. Bella is in the dugout though not playing. When the game
starts and Luke pitches, a lone shooter in the stadium sprays bullets down onto the field. The
shooter is Emilio in a disguise. He hits Luke in his leg and tries to
maneuver around to the dugout to shoot Bella, but Luke is helped limping
into the dugout by other players who are now out of range. Emilio darts down
to the field as police re blocked by thousands of spectators trying to escape.Closing: Bella and Luke have
concealed carries in their team bags. They spot Emilio rising toward the
dugout and they both pull out their guns and aim at Emilio. Shots ring out
and Emilio falls with multiple gunshots to the chest and heart. Unknown
who actually shot him, but Emilio is gone and isn’t coming back. Bella
gets in the ambulance with Luke on a stretcher. They kiss each other as
the ambulance doors close. -
M.M.’s Character Interviews
What I learned in this assignment is how easily the characters talk to you when you’re under the gun to write. It has always taken more time for my characters to talk to me, but now that we are moving at an exponential pace, they are blurting out a lot of things I would never have gotten so quickly otherwise.
PROTAGONIST BELLA
1. Bella: I just turned 21 and am more than ready to graduate in May. But in the meantime, we’ve got spring baseball training and a lot of games to get through to the state then national championships. Of course we’re going to win. We have to win. I need to stand out in the MLB draft. Sure I’ll go to a farm team – everybody does. I’m also more than excited about being engaged to Emilio. I mean, he was such a player in San Juan I thought he considered me more of a sister when we both played together, but now we’re a real team together, a real couple. I’ve got the same goal as Emilio, which bothers me a bit because he hasn’t gotten that much attention from scouts and agents. I mean I’m a traditionalist when it comes to a marriage – my mom and dad were so in love. It nearly killed her when he died but we still haven’t been able to get much information from the military about the circumstances. That’s one of my goals when I get more money – hire a PI to help me find out what really happened in Afghanistan. Okay, that’s enough for now. I’m really a private person, shy in most instances, and prefer to let you peel away the onion layers.
2. I’ve been ready for an adventure ever since I was a little girl helping Mom clean houses in Puerto Rico to help make ends meet. The military didn’t pay Papa that much. Then when we came to the U.S. after he died, it was even tougher. But I know that I have a story to tell. And it’s much more than just about baseball. It is about my values and my pro-life stance. When I get some time I want to volunteer for the prayer vigils outside abortion clinics. It’s wrong, dead wrong and I want — make that need – I need to step out of just being a good Christian and start doing something – I’m not an advocate but maybe I should be. But at the same time I’m worried about that affecting my chances for the draft. I’m not in agreement with being politically correct and when you ahve conservative values you just have to keep your mouth shut. So my goals are coming to a crossroads. In the end I know I will be true to myself and my values, no matter the consequences.
3. Emilio is a contradiction because on one hand he loves me. I know he does. On the other hand, he gets so jealous if a guy on the team spends what he thinks is too much time with me. And I’ve heard rumors that he’s a player, but he’s so attentive and generous with me that I don’t believe them. If it turns out he is, I hope I find out before we get married, because I’m only getting married once. No divorce. And he’s the right man for me. I want him to be the father of my children, except lately he’s been talking about waiting to have kids or maybe not even having an at all. I don’t believe that part of it. He would be a great dad. I’m fine with waiting a while so we can both go through the draft and see where we are but if we had one right away I would put that ahead of the draft even though Papa’s dream for me would be delayed.
4. I don’t like conflict or argument or even debate. I’m strong and can hold my own but again, I feel a little inferior when it comes to doing that with my teammates or even Emilio. I was raised that the man is right and is the decision-maker so I always want to defer to them. I’m intelligent so it isn’t that. It’s more cultural so I think if a decision about kids ever came to a head I would win but I worry about the cost with Emilio due to his stubbornness.
5. It will be hard to be vocal about my Christian values in today’s political correctness but I am determined to get over my fears of being attacked and chastised and speak up.
6. I’ve been afraid if I speak about my values – or be “too Christian” that the school or the team or the fans will erupt into a backlash. Social media at school can be vicious and I know I am appreciated for the good games I play, but would that translate into tolerance or even acceptance of values that they don’t share? Fortunately, it might not be too difficult this year, as a senior in Georgia, but who knows?
7. My faith is unshakeable and unbreakable. That’s all I need.
8. I really don’t want my teammates to know how insecure I feel sometimes. I need to project strength to be accepted on this team – all the guys are tough and it took the last 3 years for them to finally treat me like one of them instead of with kid gloves. So I’ve got to overcompensate most of the time because (as I told you) I’m shy much of the time. I can’t share my deepest thoughts except with my best friend on the team, Luke. He even went to jail for his faith. I’ve got so much respect for him. I can still learn a lot from him, not only in pitching but in life.
9. Emilio? I love Emilio. He’s fun, and respectful most of the time. It’s just when he gets into his jealous funks that he’s really hard to be around. I just tread lightly and it always goes away. He snaps out of it. Never threatens me or anything but I saw plenty of it back in PR in the neighborhood. He was raised in the upper echelon so I can’t imagine a violent streak.
10. Right now the only conflict is our talking about children. I’ve agreed to delay it but in the back of my mind I am wondering if he wants kids at all. If he doesn’t I don’t know what I would do. I love him too much to leave him but I want kids and a happy marriage too.
11. What a full life we would have – a traditional marriage with two parents and hopefully 3 or 4 kids, not just one or two. And we’d have baseball in our lives two, hopefully for both of us. That’s the dream – to have it all.
12. How do you feel about your teammate Luke? I love Luke. Did I just say that? I mean, platonically. He got me through such a difficult time in high school after my dad died and my mom and I had to work multiple jobs while I went to school then took care of the 4 little kids. So he’s been an amazing friend. Yes, I’m not afraid to say I love that guy.
ANTAGONIST EMILIO
1. What can I say? The ladies have always flocked to me. Sure I was a player but that was high school and the first two years of college. When I transferred to State and reconnected with Bella I knew I had found the right woman. I mean, I had a crush on her in third grade and don’t know if it ever went away. I even slept with other women and wondered what it would be like with her. She won’t have sex with me before the wedding and that’s okay because I think she is amazing in baseball and will make a terrific wife. I haven’t really thought about the parenting idea yet because I think we’re too young. I want a great career in baseball and I’d like to see her do something – maybe she could coach a girls’ high school team wherever my team is playing. She is a great pitcher but she’s a girl so, you know, she’s not going to make it in MLB. I’ve got charisma and am a great catcher and hit better than most of the guys on the team including Bella, so I think I’ll be in demand in the draft. These days you have to be able to be articulate on TV and in press conferences to stay on a team. And I stay away from controversial subjects. Bella always wants to talk about her thoughts with me but I tell her to go share that stuff with Luke. Better him than me. But that better be all they are doing. Or else.
2. My strengths are obviously a great ball player and a great teammate, and I treat Bella like a princess. But I do see some weaknesses – my jealousy just takes over. Sometimes it feels like I turn into the Hulk without the violence. But I do wonder if I have that capability. I have never raised a hand to a woman and am not about to now – Bella is fantastic. You know, I can talk a good game about the surface of anything, but I don’t have the intellectual capacity to go very deep in any subject. I just use my charm and good looks to win people over. It’s worked so far and my family money hasn’t hurt.
3. I don’t want Bella to fail – I just want her to change and realize her place in our marriage won’t be on the MLB field. It will be in the stands supporting me. How could our marriage work if both of us were traveling to different locations for different teams? it wouldn’t. She and I are both culturally conservative and want the traditional marriage, though i have to say still not sure about the kids. I want a long career adn I know I could make her happy. I think after we’re married she’ll get off the kid kick pretty quickly.
4. Of course I’ll win this tussle. She doesn’t even know my agenda yet. I don’t want to burst her bubble. Her papa wanted her to be an MLB player like him – he was in the minors and pretty good till he joined the military. Some secret division I think. Never got that full story. But she defers to me most of the time so we’ll work out well. I’ll get a great career, a loving wife, and maybe kids down the road.
5. Nothing will stop me from MLB. It’s my passion and I am using my secret weapon – my family’s political connections – to make sure I get drafted to a great team. Sure I’ll start on the farm team but I’ll move up fast. They’ll make sure of it. I was born to be a baseball hero.
6. My family made a lot of money in PR and continued their enterprises here so they’ve got the connections. Sure, some of them aren’t the cleanest but they know how to get people to do what they want. But they keep me out of the details and I wouldn’t want anybody else, even Bella, to know what they are doing for me. Nothing like murder. Just twisting some arms and calling in some favors.
7. Did you really ask what makes me special? My rugged good looks, jet black hair, clear blu eyes, muscular build and baseball moves.
8. I love Bella but I just didn’t know it. I’ve dated a lot of beautiful girls and though Bella is not the most beautiful to some, she’s the most beautiful to me both inside and out. I can trust her with my secrets, if I decide to tell her. she’s patient and lets me go through my moods without chastising me. And she doesn’t withdraw or hold a grudge against me. How could I not love a woman like that?
9. I’ll tell you more later about the conflict because as of now it hasn’t boiled up to even be a conflict. But I’ll win. I always do. Bella respects that about me. I’ll win for sure.
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M.M.’s Character Profile Part 2
What I learned doing this assignment is to delve deeper into characters and juxtapose the main characters against each other for the greatest interest and impact.
· WHAT DRAWS US TO THIS CHARACTER?
BELLA: The only female player on a top 5 college baseball team; how a low-income Puerto Rican navigates to get in the door of MLB fame and fortune.
EMILIO: Ruggedly handsome tough guy who seems protective of Bella, but will he stop his player ways? And what happened in Puerto Rico that made him move to the U.S.?
· TRAITS:
BELLA: Determined; moral/ethical; ambitious; caring.
EMILIO: Win at all costs; charming; ruthless; entitled.
· SUBTEXT:
BELLA: She rubs Emilio’s arm to cool him down; bites her lip to cover her insecurities; constantly sizes up other teammates and uses her female position to move up where she can.
EMILIO: Takes revenge on those who don’t bend to his will; manipulates others to do what he wants; wants the spotlight.
FLAW:
BELLA: Passive-aggressive; people-pleaser; teammates don’t trust her to tell the truth but what she thinks they want to hear.
EMILIO: Bullies people to get his way but turns them into enemies instead of allies; won’t let go of grudges to move on.
· VALUES:
BELLA: Morality; Christianity; blind faith; self-motivated.
EMILIO: Control; power; egotistical; entitled
· IRONY:
BELLA: Her humble beginnings in Puerto Rico cleaning homes with her mother contrast with her national college player ranking and ambition to be a female MLB player.
EMILIO: He wants to move up to an MLB team but his sense of entitlement and need for the spotlight kills his chances of being a team player so he becomes an agent.
· WHAT MAKES THIS THE RIGHT CHARACTER FOR THIS ROLE?
BELLA: Nationally-ranked female college pitcher who gets pregnant just before the MLB draft.
EMILIO: An Alpha Male hunk makes him desirable; he marries Bella as much to stay in the spotlight as for love; a Latino controller.
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M.M.’s Character profiles – Part 1
What I learned about this assignment is to free associate and let the characters come forward instead of shooting for perfection. It was great to just write without editing, but I have a head start with many characters from the first novel in this series moving on to this sequel.
2. Protagonist role: Fighter — Bella is constantly proving herself as the only female on the team, torn between loyalty to her teammate husband and her baseball ambition; battles her husband to keep her baby; fights for the pro-life movement against her best friend.
3. Antagonist role: Villain — Bella’s new Puerto Rican husband Emilio is also her baseball teammate; jealous of all men; especially her long-time platonic relationship with the starting pitcher Luke; abuses Bella when drunk; competitive with her in everything – baseball, shooting range, hunting and sex.
4. Other characters:
Supporting characters: Best friend Mia; MLB agent; Coach O’Brien; pro life organization
director. <div>Minor roles: Luke’s
parents Matt and Grace; Bella’s mother ValenciaBackground characters: Team players; college students; MLB participants; game
spectators; shooting range trainer5. Genre: Family drama about the 2nd Amendment and pro-life Christian values in a baseball setting.
6. Lead Character Profiles:
· <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Age range and Description: Female, 21, athletic, tough as nails sole female player on the baseball team, devout Christian.
· Internal Journey: From being too afraid to stand up to her abusive, jealous husband to believing in herself and divorcing him.
· External Journey: From accepting her abusive husband pressuring her for an abortion to divorcing him and raising their child while being drafted into MLB.
Motivation:
To have it all – an MLB career and a family </div>Wound:
Fear of not achieving her deceased
father’s dream for her of making an MLB team.
Mission/Agenda:
Be drafted to MLB team and raise a family with her husbandSecret: She
is pregnant but only her husband knows.What makes them special? Bella and Emilio are both marksmen and love to hunt.
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Hey, everybody. I’m Michele, but I use M.M. as a nom de plume. I’ve written numerous screenplays and a mini-series teleplay – many optioned but only one produced. I’m in this class to write a script that I’ll convert into a sequel to one of my novels. It will be my 22nd published book. Look forward to working with everyone.
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I agree to the terms of this release form.
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Subject Line: Bella’s (M.M.)’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is by bringing empowerment it also brings more enthusiasm to my writing, a surprising benefit.
My Hero is a Heroine: Bella Cortez is a 21-year old Puerto Rican college senior who is relief pitcher on the #2 nationally-ranked U.S. college team. In her senior year she marries a teammate from San Juan who gets her pregnant and pressures her to have an abortion due being drafted by MLB.
Transformation: From resigning herself to an abusive marriage without playing baseball after college, to raising her child alone and being drafted to an MLB farm team.
Character Arc Beginning: Being submissive to her abusive husband pressuring her for an abortion and to give up baseball to support him.
Character Arc Ending: Raising her child post-divorce and playing in the Minor Leagues.
Internal Journey: From being too afraid to stand up to her abusive husband to believing in herself and standing up to him in a divorce.
External Journey: From accepting her abusive husband pressuring her for an abortion to divorcing him and raising their child while being drafted into the Minors.
Old Ways:
Submissiveness
Resignation to her traditional marriage
Acceptance of abuse
Feeling “less than”
Putting him first in life, love and baseball
New Ways:
Self-confidence
Independence
Self-worth
Valuing herself
Taking control of her life