[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It was an eye-opener. I was able to work out so many little, but important details. It took my quite a while, but it was worth the effort.
ACT 1
1.1. OPENING
Scene Arc: From Mary getting ready to perform to falling off the stage.
1 INT. CONCERT CLUB, BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
MARY gets dressed in fancy stage clothing: high shoes, tight dress. With a shaking hand she puts on heavy “age-covering” make-up.
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Mary gets dressed with fancy stage clothing: high shoes, tight dress.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment): Mary’s hands shake when she puts on age-covering make-up.
End: (Suspense): Mary stands in front of the mirror, fully dressed but looking uncertain. It knocks on the door.
Essence: Mary gets ready for a performance.
Conflict: Mary fights age.
Subtext: Mary is covering up her age.
Hope/Fear: We hope all goes well. We fear something is going to happen to her.
2 INT. CONCERT CLUB, BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
The old club owner OLIVIA interrupts the preparations. She apologizes for not having the contract ready. Olivia wants to solve the issue after the concert. Mary is upset.
Beginning: (Suspense)
Vince finally finds Olivia and brings her to Mary in the backstage area. Vince says, “I finally found Olivia.” Olivia enters, clearly not in good shape, with a terrible cough. Mary’s relief is short-lived as she notices Olivia’s condition.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) As Olivia struggles to catch her breath, she apologizes for forgetting about the contract. Mary’s anger simmers beneath the surface, and she suppresses it, trying to remain composed. Olivia, between coughs, suggests solving the contract issue after the concert. What should sound promising instead fills Mary with doubt.
Ending: (Intrigue)
Vince tries to be exceptionally nice to Olivia, his manner almost sycophantic, creating an awkward atmosphere. Olivia’s worsening condition is evident, hinting at her later death. The scene ends with Mary looking conflicted, trying to refocus on her performance while the uncertainty about her contract looms large.
Essence: Mary is preparing for a performance while worrying about her future.
Conflict: Mary is anxious about securing her contract; Olivia is noncommittal.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of aging and becoming irrelevant.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will get the contract. We fear she will be dismissed because of her age.
Solving: Vince
1.2. INCITING INCIDENT
3 INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
Mary focuses on performing but is distracted by thoughts of the contract. Mary asks Olivia for a drink. Vince, from behind the piano, advises against it. As Mary reaches for the drink, she loses her balance and falls off the stage.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mary steps onto the stage, lights dimming as she grips the microphone, her hands trembling slightly. She begins to sing, but her eyes constantly dart towards Olivia, who is seated in the audience, a subtle reminder of the unresolved contract. The tension builds as the audience watches her struggle to focus.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment)
As her anxiety peaks, Mary abruptly stops singing and asks Olivia for a drink. Vince, from behind the piano, immediately advises against it, his voice filled with concern. The audience murmurs, confused by the break in performance. Mary, feeling the weight of their eyes, hesitates but reaches for the drink anyway, her hand shaking more visibly now.
Ending: (Major Twist) Just as Mary’s fingers brush against the glass, she loses her balance and topples off the stage. The crowd gasps, and chaos ensues. Vince rushes over, abandoning the piano, and the spotlight dramatically swings, casting a harsh light on Mary sprawled on the floor, bringing the scene to a shocking and suspenseful close.
Essence: Mary is anxious about her future and seeks solace in alcohol, leading to a dramatic fall.
Conflict: Mary’s internal struggle between performing well and worrying about her career versus Vince’s concern for her well-being and attempt to prevent her from drinking.
Subtext: Mary’s dependence on alcohol to cope with stress and her fear of being past her prime.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary delivers a great performance and manages her stress. We fear the drink will lead to negative consequences.
Scene Arc: From Mary getting rehab diagnoses to escaping hospital.
4 INT. HOSPITAL, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY
Vince is beside Mary after the operation. The doctor explains that Mary needs intensive rehab for her hip fracture.
Beginning: (Superior Position) Mary groggily wakes up in a hospital bed, her vision blurry. Mary tells Vince that she wants to go home as soon as possible. The audience already knows from Vince’s worried expression that the news isn't good, heightening the tension.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) The doctor enters and explains the severity of Mary’s hip fracture, emphasizing the need for intensive rehab. Vince immediately supports the doctor, emphasizing how important rehab is for her recovery.
Ending: (External Dilemma) After the doctor leaves, Mary, trying to prove she's fine, attempts to get out of bed and insists she can manage on her own. She grimaces in pain but forces a smile, pretending to be okay. Vince tells Mary that leaving without proper rehab could result in permanent damage.
Essence: Mary faces the reality of her injury.
Conflict: Mary’s denial versus medical reality.
Subtext: Her fear of losing independence and relevance.
Hope/Fear: We hope she accepts the need for rehab. We fear she will refuse it and worsen her condition.
5 INT. HOSPITAL, HALLWAY – DAY
Whenever there is an uncomfortable situation with her double room neighbor or nursing staff, Mary tries to use a wheel chair, crutches, or walking chair.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary, frustrated with the noise and invasiveness of her double room neighbor, grabs a wheelchair in a desperate attempt to find some peace and quiet.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Mary encounters a nurse who misinterprets her actions as an attempt to join a hospital activity. The nurse cheerfully tries to wheel her to a group session, making Mary even more uncomfortable and desperate to escape.
Ending: (External Dilemma) A nurse patronizes Mary, further pushing her to the brink. Fed up, Mary finally breaks away from the nurse, maneuvering herself down the hallway with the wheelchair. She reaches an exit door and hesitates, aware that escaping could lead to serious consequences but feeling trapped and desperate for freedom.
Essence: Mary is uncomfortable at the hospital and wants to go home.
Conflict: Mary’s desire to escape versus the hospital’s efforts to keep her in place.
Subtext: Mary’s discomfort and resistance to her current situation.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds some comfort. We fear Mary will injure herself or worsen her condition.
6 INT. HOSPITAL, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY (maybe drop)
A nurse patronizes Mary. Mary is fed up and escapes the hospital with a walking chair.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) The nurse patronizes Mary, speaking to her as if she is incapable of making her own decisions. Mary’s frustration is palpable as she grits her teeth and tries to keep her composure.
Middle: (Betrayal) The nurse leaves Mary to her own devices, assuming she’s too weak to do anything. Mary feels betrayed by the nurse’s condescending attitude, which fuels her determination to escape.
Ending: (Dilemma) Mary, fed up with the patronizing treatment, decides to escape. She struggles into a walking chair and begins her journey down the hallway, knowing that if she’s caught, she’ll be forced to stay, but if she makes it, she might regain some sense of control.
Essence: Mary escapes the hospital.
Conflict: Mary’s desire to leave versus the hospital’s rules.
Subtext: Her stubbornness and denial.
Hope/Fear: We hope she will reconsider. We fear she will injure herself further.
Scene Arc: From Mary “going back to normal” to arriving at the elderly home.
7 INT. VINCE’S HOME – DAY
Mary arrives at Vince’s home. She urges the shocked Vince to go to Olivia to get the contract, so they can start to prepare the program for the next season.
Beginning: (Surprise) Mary bursts through the door of Vince’s home, startling him. She is still dressed in her hospital clothes, and immediately starts talking about the contract.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Vince is clearly shocked and uncomfortable as Mary, ignoring her own condition, insists he go to Olivia to get the contract. He tries to steer the conversation towards her need for rest and recovery, but Mary brushes off his concerns.
Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Vince faces an internal dilemma as he looks at the determined yet fragile Mary. He knows pushing for the contract could worsen her health, but he also sees how much it means to her. Vince reluctantly agrees to go to Olivia, but his worry for Mary’s well-being is evident.
Essence: Mary urges Vince to secure the contract with Olivia.
Conflict: Mary’s demand for the contract versus Vince’s shock and concern for her health.
Subtext: Mary’s denial of her current physical state and desperation to cling to her career.
Hope/Fear: We hope Vince will prioritize Mary’s health over her career aspiration. We fear Vince will support Mary’s plan.
8 EXT. STREET – DAY
Angry Vince pushes Mary on her walking chair toward his car. He pressures Mary to start her rehab before doing anything else.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Vince angrily pushes Mary on her walking chair toward his car, attracting the attention of passersby who whisper and stare. The public setting amplifies Mary’s humiliation and Vince’s frustration.
Middle: (External Dilemma) Vince stops abruptly, looks Mary in the eye, and lays out the ultimatum: she starts rehab, or they won’t rehearse at all. Mary is faced with the choice of giving in to his demands or continuing to resist, risking her career and health.
Ending: (Cliffhanger) As Mary considers Vince’s ultimatum, the car door is open, and Vince stands there, waiting for her decision. The scene ends with Mary’s unresolved internal struggle, leaving the audience wondering what she will choose.
Essence: Vince pressures Mary to start her rehab.
Conflict: Vince refuses to rehearse unless Mary does her rehab.
Subtext: Vince’s genuine concern for Mary’s health masked by his anger.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will agree to start rehab. We fear she will resist and cause more conflict.
9 INT. CAR – DAY
In the car, Vince calls around to try to organize a place for Mary to start her rehab, after the hospital refuses to take Mary back (there is an insurance issue).
Beginning: (Superior Position) The audience sees Vince frantically making phone calls while driving, his voice filled with frustration. Mary, seated beside him, looks out the window, oblivious to the insurance issue that the audience knows about.
Middle: (External Dilemma) Vince gets through to a hospital administrator who informs him that Mary’s insurance won’t cover her stay due to a technicality. Vince is faced with the dilemma of finding another facility quickly or risking Mary’s health by delaying her rehab.
Ending: (Suspense) Vince finally gets a lead on a place that might accept Mary, but it’s an elderly home, not a rehab center. He glances at Mary, who is still unaware, and the scene ends with Vince hesitantly making the call, leaving the audience in suspense about whether it will work out.
Essence: Vince arranges rehab for Mary.
Conflict: The difficulty of finding a suitable rehab facility.
Subtext: Vince’s determination to ensure Mary gets the help she needs despite logistical hurdle.
Hope/Fear: We hope Vince will find a place for Mary. We fear the challenges will prevent it.
10 EXT. ELDERLY HOME, PARKING – DAY
Mary has a shock when Vince stops in front of an elderly home.
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) As the car pulls up to the elderly home, Mary looks around, confused, thinking they are lost. She expects to see a rehab facility, not an elderly home.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Vince gets out of the car and starts unloading Mary’s belongings. Mary’s confusion turns to horror as she realizes where they are. She starts to protest, but Vince insists, trying to gently explain the situation.
Ending: (Betrayal) Mary, feeling betrayed by Vince for bringing her to an elderly home instead of a rehab center, angrily accuses him of giving up on her. Vince, visibly hurt, tries to explain that this was the best option available, but Mary feels abandoned and betrayed, leaving their relationship strained as she reluctantly steps out of the car.
Essence: Mary realizes she will be staying at an elderly home for rehab.
Conflict: Mary’s shock and resistance versus Vince’s insistence.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of aging and losing her independence.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will accept the necessity of staying at the elderly home. We fear she will refuse and create more conflict.
ACT 2
1.3. TURNING POINT
Scene Arc: From Mary expecting to do rehab to “read books” to a child.
11 INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
Vince gets hit by a ball from the children playing during their break (there is an integrated primary school). Vince hands Mary over to PLACID (director).
Beginning: (Surprise) Vince gets hit by a ball from the children playing nearby, startling him and Mary. This unexpected moment sets the tone for the chaotic and unpredictable environment Mary is entering.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) As Mary and Vince approach Placid, Mary immediately starts listing her demands for a single room and a space to rehearse. Placid, caught off guard, tries to remain professional but is visibly taken aback by Mary's assertiveness.
Ending: (Mislead / Reveal) Placid, with a calm demeanor, agrees to Mary's demands, leading her to believe she has won. However, he then reveals that the single room is not available immediately, and the rehearsal space will be in the chapel, which is not what Mary expected. This reveal undercuts Mary's initial sense of control and sets up further conflict.
Essence: Mary’s arrival in her “new” world.
Conflict: Mary makes her demands (possibility to rehearse, single room).
Subtext: Mary’s resistance to her new environment and desire to maintain control over her life.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will start to adapt. We fear she will resist and make her stay difficult.
12 INT. MONTAGE – ELDERLY HOME – DAY
Placid shows Mary to the locations (rehab, integrated school, multipurpose room, chapel, lounge etc.).
Beginning: (Intrigue) As Placid leads Mary through the elderly home, he drops hints about the unique history and hidden stories of the residents and the building, piquing Mary's curiosity despite her resistance.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary tries to cut Placid off mid-tour, expressing her disdain for the strict schedule and rules. Placid firmly but politely continues, highlighting each location's importance and subtly pointing out how Mary’s cooperation would benefit everyone.
Ending: (Mislead / Reveal) Just as Mary begins to believe she might have some autonomy, Placid brings her to the chapel and insists this will be her rehearsal space. Mary is initially relieved until she realizes the chapel is also used for other daily activities, meaning she won’t have it to herself. This reveal frustrates her, as she thought she had found a loophole.
Essence: Placid introduces Mary to the rules.
Conflict: Mary hates to follow rules.
Subtext: Placid’s strictness versus Mary’s rebellious nature.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will accept the structure. We fear she will continue to resist.
Not to forget: candle in chapel for somebody who died (missing person in BB)
13 INT. ELDERLY HOME, LIBRARY – DAY
Each child from the Book Buddies Club reads a book with an elderly person. When Placid sees Sophie drawing on her own, he assigns Mary to read a book to Sophie.
Beginning: (Superior Position) Placid walks Mary into the library, pointing out how each elderly person is paired with a child. He then gestures to Sophie, who is sitting alone and drawing, and instructs Mary to read to her, leaving Mary visibly uncomfortable. (Mary’s dislike for kids has been established in a previous scene.)
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary reluctantly sits beside Sophie and awkwardly picks up a book. Sophie looks up with hopeful eyes, but Mary’s forced smile and stiff demeanor make it clear she’s out of her element.
Ending: (Misinterpretation) Sophie, noticing Mary’s discomfort, misinterprets it as disinterest in the book. Trying to please Mary, Sophie offers to show her drawings instead, but Mary, misunderstanding Sophie’s gesture, reacts coldly, making Sophie withdraw further into herself.
Essence: Placid applies his rule: if she wants to receive, she has to give.
Conflict: Mary hates kids.
Subtext: Mary’s reluctance to engage versus Sophie’s quiet need for connection.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will make an effort. We fear she will reject Sophie.
14 INT. ELDERLY HOME, LIBRARY – DAY
Mary tells stories from her past to Sophie, using jazz slang and metaphorical language in an attempt to be off-putting. Sophie listens attentively, trying to make sense of the stories, and starts drawing literal interpretations of Mary’s metaphorical language.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Mary, with a mischievous glint in her eye, starts telling Sophie wild stories from her jazz days, using slang and metaphors that seem nonsensical. Sophie, intrigued, leans in closer, trying to understand.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) As Mary continues, Sophie starts drawing, attempting to interpret Mary’s metaphors literally. Mary, noticing this, smiles to herself, thinking she has successfully confused Sophie.
Ending: (Subtle Realization) Sophie proudly shows Mary her drawings, which are surprisingly accurate and insightful representations of Mary’s metaphors. Mary, initially taken aback, maintains a neutral expression but her eyes betray a flicker of amazement. Sophie, perceptive to this subtle reaction, smiles softly, realizing she has impressed Mary. This creates a subtle bond between them, understood without words.
Essence: Mary shares her past with Sophie in a confusing, metaphorical style to repel her.
Conflict: Mary bends the rules of the Book Buddies Club.
Subtext: Mary’s attempt to push Sophie away versus Sophie’s unexpected interest and connection.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s stories will create a bond. We fear her behavior will push Sophie away.
Scene Arc: From checking into a double room to attending Olivia’s funeral.
15 INT. ELDERLY HOME, RESIDENTIAL WING – DAY
Nursing staff picks up Mary. They slowly walk through the corridors of the residential wing. On the way to her new room, Mary gets depressing glimpses of everyday life.
Beginning: (Intrigue) The nursing staff wheels Mary through the residential wing, and Mary catches sight of various scenes: a resident talking to an empty chair, another staring blankly at a TV, and a group playing a subdued card game. Each scene hints at stories and lives, piquing Mary’s curiosity despite her discomfort.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) As they continue, Mary spots an elderly man struggling to feed himself, food falling everywhere. The nurse stops to assist, creating an awkward pause in the journey. Mary’s discomfort is palpable as she watches, torn between pity and a fear of seeing her potential future.
Ending: (Suspense) They finally arrive at her new room, the door slowly opening to reveal a shared space. Mary's face falls as she sees the limited personal space, shared facilities, and a frail woman—her new roommate—who stares blankly at her. Mary’s internal struggle is visible as she takes in her new reality, the suspense of how she will react hanging in the air.
Essence: Mary is introduced to her new environment, highlighting her discomfort.
Conflict: Mary’s resistance to accepting her new surroundings.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of aging.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will find some comfort or adapt to her new surroundings. We fear she will feel trapped and resist integration.
16 INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY
Mary is crushed when she enters her new room: it’s a double room. Her room neighbor is the friendly Hortense with dementia, a Marlene Dietrich worshipper.
Mary wants to know, when she can leave the institution. The nurse says for weddings and funerals. (Hortense tells Mary that she broke her hip like Marlene).
Beginning: (Suspense) As Mary wheels into the room, the nurse’s nonchalant comment about leaving only for weddings and funerals hangs in the air. Mary’s eyes widen, the suspense building as she realizes the limitations of her new environment.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Hortense, with a friendly but confused smile, starts talking about Marlene Dietrich and how she also broke her hip, drawing a direct parallel between herself and Mary. Mary shifts uncomfortably, feeling her resistance to the forced companionship.
Ending: (Intrigue) The nurse, overhearing Mary’s insistence on leaving for the hairdresser, smirks and says, “Good luck with that.” The comment lingers, creating intrigue about how Mary will navigate this new reality and whether she will find ways to regain some semblance of control.
Essence: Mary is confronted with her new reality and the limitations of her situation.
Conflict: Mary’s desire for privacy and control versus the institution’s rules and setup.
Subtext: Mary’s struggle with accepting her aging and the loss of her autonomy.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will find a way to cope with her new situation. We fear she will feel even more isolated and desperate.
Not forget: we have to finish with “wedding and funeral”.
Also, Hortense must say something about “family”.
17 EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Vince and Mary stand at the open grave, when Olivia’s coffin is lowered into the grave. Vince points to a snobbish man in black, Olivia’s son Dieter, the new club owner.
Beginning: (Major Twist) Vince and Mary are at a funeral. The audience expects a different setting but is immediately thrust into the gravity of Olivia’s death and its impact on Mary’s future.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) As Olivia’s coffin is lowered into the grave, the solemnity of the moment is punctuated by the tension of what the future holds for Mary and Vince. The air is thick with unspoken fears and uncertainties.
End: (Intrigue) Vince discreetly points out Dieter, Olivia’s snobbish son, standing apart from the mourners. His aloof demeanor and cold stare make Mary uncomfortable, highlighting the potential challenges ahead.
Essence: The transition of power and control at the concert club.
Conflict: Mary’s grief over losing Olivia and uncertainty about the future.
Subtext: The looming challenge of dealing with Dieter and the changing dynamics at the club.
Hope/Fear: We hope there will be a future for Mary and Vince with Dieter as new owner. We fear Dieter will bring additional challenges to her already difficult situation.
2.1. NEW PLAN

Scene Arc: From setting up a test performance to delaying the contract
18 INT. RESTAURANT, FUNERAL MEAL – DAY
Mary reconnects with a familiar face among the mourners: Faye, a journalist and an old acquaintance. Mary and Vince condolence Dieter. He proposes a meeting to see them performing.
Beginning: (Surprise) Mary spots Faye, an old acquaintance and journalist, among the mourners. Their unexpected reunion in such a somber setting piques curiosity about their past connection and potential future interactions.
Middle: (Suspense) As Mary and Vince offer their condolences to Dieter, the awkwardness of discussing business amidst grief becomes palpable. Dieter's stoic demeanor and abrupt shift to business matters add to the tension.
End: (Uncertainty) Dieter proposes a meeting to see Mary and Vince perform, but his tone leaves them unsure of his true intentions. The uncertainty about whether this opportunity will be beneficial or another hurdle lingers as they part ways.
Essence: Dieter introduces the possibility of evaluating Mary and Vince's performance for future opportunities.
Conflict: The tension between mourning Olivia and addressing professional concerns.
Subtext: Dieter's pragmatic approach to business despite the emotional context.
Hope/Fear: We hope Dieter will see the value in Mary and Vince's performance. We fear he might be unsympathetic to their situation.
2.2. NEW PLAN IN ACTION
19 INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
Enrique works with Mary on her rehab exercises. Mary tries to overdo it, pushing herself too hard. Enrique has to stop her, emphasizing the importance of gradual progress.
Beginning: (Major Twist) Mary can't believe her eyes when she sees her rehab trainer, Enrique: the female gaze – for a change. Mary, determined to recover quickly, intensifies her rehab exercises, ignoring Enrique’s warnings. The tension builds as she pushes herself further, the potential for injury looming over each movement.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary’s face contorts in pain, but she hides it, trying to maintain her facade of strength. Enrique, noticing her struggle, steps in, creating an awkward confrontation as he insists she slow down.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Mary, torn between her desire to recover quickly and Enrique’s insistence on caution, reluctantly agrees to follow his advice. Her internal struggle is evident, as she battles between ambition and self-preservation.
Essence: Mary’s overexertion during rehab.
Conflict: Mary’s ambition to leave quickly versus Enrique’s insistence on a proper recovery.
Subtext: Mary’s desperation to escape and return to her career.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will follow Enrique’s advice. We fear she will harm herself by pushing too hard.
20 INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Mary insists on using the multipurpose room for rehearsals, but Placid refuses, stating it’s reserved for internal occasions. He offers the chapel instead, which Mary reluctantly accepts despite her discomfort with it. Placid also tells Mary that he expects her to continue with the Book Buddy Club, mentioning that Sophie has been asking for her.
Beginning: (Surprise) Mary barges into Placid’s office, insisting on using the multipurpose room for her rehearsals. Placid, taken aback by her audacity, listens with a raised eyebrow, creating a tension-filled atmosphere.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Placid calmly refuses Mary’s request, explaining that the multipurpose room is reserved for internal occasions. He offers the chapel instead. Mary, visibly frustrated and uncomfortable with the idea, reluctantly accepts. The tension between them is palpable as Mary struggles to hide her disappointment.
End: (Superior Position) Placid reminds Mary of her Book Buddy duties, mentioning that Sophie has been asking for her. Mary’s initial frustration is replaced by a look of realization as she understands the additional responsibilities and constraints she faces. The audience knows this added pressure will challenge Mary’s plans further.
Essence: Mary negotiates for a rehearsal space and is reminded of her Book Buddy duties.
Conflict: Mary’s persistence versus Placid’s rules and expectations.
Subtext: Mary’s desperation to reclaim her career versus the institutional constraints and her new responsibilities.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary gets a suitable rehearsal space. We fear the chapel will demoralize her and the additional responsibility will overwhelm her.
21 INT. ELDERLY HOME, CHAPEL – DAY
Vince and Mary rehearse together in the chapel, going over songs and performance routines. Elderly residents and children, including Sophie, gather outside the chapel, intrigued by the music. Placid observes the growing audience. Vince informs Mary that Dieter is coming the next day.
Beginning: (Surprise) Vince tells Mary that Dieter is coming tomorrow. Mary, though taken aback, quickly masks her anxiety with determination. They start their rehearsal in the chapel, the sound of their music beginning to fill the space.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) As Mary sings, her face occasionally shows hints of pain, but she pushes through, determined to perfect her performance. The music catches the attention of the elderly who start entering the chapel, clapping their hands out of rhythm. Mary is visibly annoyed by their presence and the offbeat clapping, but she keeps singing.
End: (Uncertainty) Placid enters and sees everybody enjoying the performance. Mary notices him but does not stop the elderly, even though she is unhappy about their participation. The scene ends with an air of uncertainty about how this impromptu audience will affect her rehearsal and performance.
Essence: Mary prepares for her comeback performance.
Conflict: Balancing the need for rest with the desire to perform.
Subtext: Mary’s anxiety about her readiness.
Hope/Fear: We hope the rehearsals go well. We fear Mary’s injury might hinder her performance.
Not forget: Maybe Vince tells her something at the end… so she goes to the rehab.
22 INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
Mary sneaks into the rehab room and starts doing the exercises on her own, determined to prove she can still perform. She overexerts herself and gets hurt.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mary carefully sneaks into the rehab room, glancing around to ensure she’s not caught. The room is dimly lit and quiet, creating a tense atmosphere as she starts her exercises with a determined look on her face.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) As Mary pushes through her exercises, her face contorts in pain, but she ignores it, gritting her teeth and continuing. The discomfort builds as she struggles with the equipment, her movements becoming increasingly strained.
End: (Major Twist) Suddenly, Mary’s leg gives out, and she collapses to the floor, gasping in pain. The scene ends with her lying there, clutching her injured leg, her expression a mix of fear and frustration at her own limitations.
Essence: Mary’s overexertion due to her determination.
Conflict: Her ambition versus her physical limitations.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of losing her career drives her to push too hard.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will realize her limits. We fear she will injure herself further.
23 INT. ELDERLY HOME, CHAPEL – DAY
Vince and Dieter are present in the chapel. Mary, having pushed herself too hard, arrives in a wheelchair with Enrique. Mary tries to stand and perform but is visibly struggling. Dieter sees this and says she has to be healthy before discussing a contract renewal. He leaves, and Vince insists that Mary focus on getting better before stressing over a new program.
Beginning: (Suspense) Vince and Dieter wait in the chapel, the tension palpable as they anticipate Mary's entrance. The sound of her wheelchair echoes, heightening the suspense as she appears with Enrique, clearly struggling but determined.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) As Mary attempts to stand and perform, her pain is evident. Her voice wavers, and she visibly strains to maintain her composure. The discomfort in the room grows as Dieter watches, unimpressed, while Vince’s worry intensifies.
End: (Betrayal) Dieter coldly states that Mary must be healthy before any contract renewal can be discussed, then leaves without further consideration. Vince, once more, supports Dieter's point of view, siding with Dieter, which leaves Mary feeling abandoned and betrayed by her closest ally.
Essence: Mary faces the consequences of overexertion.
Conflict: Mary’s desire to impress Dieter versus her physical condition.
Subtext: The physical manifestation of Mary’s internal struggle and desperation.
Hope/Fear: We hope Dieter will see Mary’s potential despite her condition. We fear her current state will delay the contract.
Scene Arc: From Mary restarting her rehab to being replaced by a young singer.
24 INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
Mary watches Dieter and Vince leaving; Vince does not turn around. When Mary turns around, she notices through the glass windows that children are laughing at Sophie when she is presenting something in the classroom. Then Sophie sits on her own.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Mary watches Dieter and Vince walk away, feeling a sense of abandonment as Vince doesn’t turn around to acknowledge her. The tension builds as Mary is left standing alone, the weight of isolation pressing down on her.
Middle: (Intrigue) Mary turns around and notices through the glass windows that children are laughing at Sophie as she presents something in the classroom. The scene shifts focus, piquing Mary's curiosity about what is happening to Sophie.
End: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary sees Sophie sitting alone after being laughed at by her classmates. The pain of witnessing Sophie’s isolation mirrors Mary’s own feelings, creating an emotional and uncomfortable moment for her as she contemplates her own vulnerability and growing connection to Sophie.
Essence: Mary observes the impact of her absence on Sophie and Vince's departure.
Conflict: Mary’s sense of abandonment and isolation versus her realization of Sophie’s struggle.
Subtext: Mary’s growing connection to Sophie and awareness of her own vulnerability.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will find a way to reconnect with Sophie. We fear she will feel more isolated and abandoned.
25 MONTAGE 1: Mary's Struggles and Observations
INT. ELDERLY HOME, DINING ROOM – DAY
(Uncomfortable Moment): Mary sits unhappy in front of her plate, alone at a table.
INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY
(Uncomfortable Moment): Hortense asks Mary if she has family; Mary denies it and is annoyed.
INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – NIGHT
(Intrigue): Mary, still hungry, sneaks into the kitchen at night and finds some food in the fridge.
INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
(Misinterpretation): Mary unmotivated works on her rehab exercises with Enrique. Enrique tries to cheer her up by incorporating stage performance moves.
INT. ELDERLY HOME, LOUNGE – DAY
(Betrayal): Mary calls Vince, but he does not pick up the phone. Then, Mary reluctantly joins other residents in playing cards.
INT. ELDERLY HOME, CHAPEL – DAY
(Uncertainty): Mary sits alone in the chapel, staring into the burning candle.
Essence: Mary’s struggle to adapt to her new environment and her observation of Sophie’s difficulties.
Conflict: Mary’s internal battle between resisting and accepting her new life versus the challenges Sophie faces.
Subtext: Mary’s denial of her situation and her growing empathy for Sophie, who is also alone.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds a way to adapt and connect with others. We fear she will continue to feel isolated and unhappy.
26 INT. ELDERLY HOME, LIBRARY – DAY
Mary does not want to tell stories; she wants Sophie to tell her something. Sophie tells Mary that her classmates made fun of her drawings. Mary encourages Sophie to be more confident and assertive despite the teasing. She admits that she loves Sophie’s drawings of her stories.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sophie reluctantly shares with Mary how her classmates made fun of her drawings. Mary's face hardens as she recalls similar experiences from her own past.
Middle: (Intrigue) Mary asks Sophie to tell her more about the drawings and what they mean to her. Sophie hesitantly explains, her eyes lighting up as she talks about her passion.
End: (Character Changes Radically) Mary reveals her admiration for Sophie’s drawings, telling her how much they resonate with her own stories. Sophie’s face lights up with newfound confidence, understanding that her work is valued.
Essence: Mary mentors Sophie in confidence.
Conflict: Sophie’s hurt feelings versus Mary’s encouragement.
Subtext: Mary’s own experiences with criticism.
Hope/Fear: We hope Sophie gains confidence. We fear she might remain discouraged.
Not to forget: Mary says something like: these drawings are terrible
27 MONTAGE 2: Mary's Growing Bond with Sophie and Recovery
INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
Mary makes progress and dares to take cool steps with Enrique.
INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – NIGHT
Mary sneaks into the kitchen to get some food. Julia, the kitchen aid, surprises her and makes her some extra food.
INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY
Mary lies on her bed, pretending to sleep. Sophie sneaks in to bring one of her drawings. Sophie discovers Hortense’s denture in the glass and thinks it looks funny. She takes it out. Mary can’t believe her eyes.
INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
Later, Mary observes how Sophie uses the denture and gets the other kids to laugh. Mary laughs too.
INT. ELDERLY HOME, CHAPEL – DAY
Mary is in the chapel on her own, singing.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Mary makes noticeable progress in her rehab, daring to take bold steps with Enrique’s encouragement. Her determination is palpable, hinting at her gradual recovery and rekindling her love for performing.
Middle: (Surprise) Mary sneaks into the kitchen for a late-night snack and is caught by Julia, the kitchen aid. Instead of reprimanding her, Julia surprises Mary by making her some extra food, showing a sense of community and support within the home.
End: (Humor/Uncertainty) Sophie sneaks into Mary’s room with one of her drawings and finds Hortense’s denture in a glass. She takes it out, finding it funny. Mary is initially shocked but can’t help but laugh when she sees Sophie using it to make the other kids laugh. This light-hearted moment strengthens their bond and shows Mary’s increasing acceptance of her environment.
Essence: Mary’s recovery process and her deepening bond with Sophie.
Conflict: Mary’s struggle to recover and engage with her environment versus her growing attachment to Sophie.
Subtext: Mary’s increasing acceptance of her situation and the impact of her influence on Sophie.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s recovery and bond with Sophie continue to strengthen. We fear any setbacks in her recovery or disruptions in her bond with Sophie.
28 INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
Mary is doing really well. Enrique thinks it’s finally time for Mary to start to rehearse again. Beginning: (Intrigue) Enrique watches Mary perform her rehab exercises with newfound vigor. He hints at a surprise, which piques Mary's curiosity.
Middle: (Surprise) Enrique finally reveals that he thinks Mary is ready to start rehearsing again. Mary’s face lights up with excitement, but Enrique reminds her to take it easy and not overdo it, creating a suspenseful moment of concern for her health.
End: (Uncertainty) Mary eagerly agrees and starts practicing some dance steps. While she looks strong, there are moments where she wobbles slightly, leaving both Enrique and Mary in a state of hopeful yet cautious anticipation.
Essence: Mary’s readiness to rehearse.
Conflict: Mary’s excitement versus the potential risks.
Subtext: Mary’s determination to return to the stage.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s rehearsals go well. We fear she might push herself too hard.
29 INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Mary surprises Placid, who is embarrassed when she catches him watching a ballet performance. Mary says Enrique has given her the green light and she would like to surprise Vince with the good news and adds, she needs to go to the hairdresser, making clear she needs permission to go. Placid gets the insider joke and lets Mary go.
Beginning: (Surprise) Mary catches Placid watching a ballet performance on his computer, causing him to be embarrassed. Her unexpected entrance and Placid’s hidden passion for ballet set an intriguing tone.
Middle: (Suspense) Mary, with a playful smile, informs Placid that Enrique has given her the green light to rehearse. She casually mentions needing to visit the hairdresser, hinting at her need for permission to leave. Placid gets the joke and relaxes a bit, enjoying the light-hearted moment.
End: (Uncertainty) Placid, still slightly flustered but amused, grants Mary permission to leave. However, his lingering hesitation hints at his concern for Mary’s well-being, leaving the audience wondering if she will overexert herself again.
Essence: Mary requests permission to leave.
Conflict: Mary’s request versus Placid’s rules.
Subtext: Mary’s playful approach and Placid’s hidden passion.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid allows Mary to go. We fear he might refuse.
30 INT. VINCE’S HOME – DAY
Mary arrives at Vince’s home, nicely dressed and fresh from the hairdresser. She is shocked to discover Vince singing with a younger singer. Vince and Mary argue until Vince admits that Dieter told him to look for a younger singer if he wants to continue with a weekly show in his bar.Beginning: (Surprise) Mary arrives at Vince’s home, looking refreshed and confident after her visit to the hairdresser.
Middle: (Major twist) Her optimism quickly turns to shock when she sees Vince rehearsing with a younger singer. Mary’s face hardens as she confronts Vince, her voice trembling with anger and hurt. Vince tries to explain the situation, but his words seem to fall flat, deepening the uncomfortable tension between them.
End: (Betrayal) Vince reluctantly admits that Dieter told him to look for a younger singer if he wants to keep his weekly show at the bar. Mary feels betrayed, her fear of being replaced and losing her relevance becoming a painful reality.
Essence: Mary confronts Vince about being replaced.
Conflict: Mary’s shock and anger versus Vince’s pragmatism.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of being replaced and losing her relevance.
Hope/Fear: We hope Vince explains the situation clearly. We fear this will create a rift between them.
Scene Arc: From Mary being on her own to reinventing herself.
31 INT. CAB – NIGHT
Mary, emotionally distraught, takes a cab back to the elderly home. The cab driver is oblivious to her pain and makes light-hearted conversation, exacerbating her feelings of isolation and hurt.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary, with tears welling up, hails a cab. As she gets in, the cab driver starts a light-hearted conversation, completely unaware of her emotional turmoil.
Middle: (Superior Position) The driver continues chatting about mundane topics, while Mary’s internal struggle intensifies. The audience knows the depth of her pain, creating a stark contrast with the driver's obliviousness, which exacerbates her feelings of isolation.
End: (Unexpected Reaction/Paradox) Instead of silently battling her emotions, Mary unexpectedly and sharply interrupts the driver’s cheerful chatter with a sarcastic remark about the superficiality of youth. This paradoxical reaction, laced with her signature wit and bitterness, showcases her emotional fragility while staying true to her character. The driver, taken aback, falls silent, highlighting Mary’s paradoxical nature and strength even in moments of vulnerability.
Essence: Mary’s emotional pain sets in during the cab ride.
Conflict: Mary’s internal struggle versus the driver’s obliviousness.
Subtext: Mary’s feeling of isolation and the insensitivity of others.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can hold herself together. We fear the driver’s comments will worsen her emotional state.
32 INT. ELDERLY HOME, EMPTY CORRIDORS – NIGHT
Mary walks through the empty corridors of the elderly home, the silence amplifying her sense of loneliness and despair. The dark and empty hallways reflect her internal state.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary walks through the empty corridors of the elderly home, her footsteps echoing in the silence. The dark and empty hallways amplify her sense of loneliness and despair.
Middle: (Superior Position) As Mary continues walking, she pauses by a window, looking out at the moonlit night. Her reflection in the glass shows a woman fighting to hold herself together, a stark contrast to the seemingly calm exterior she tries to maintain.
End: (Uncertainty) Mary reaches a crossroad in the corridor and pauses, unsure which direction to take, both literally and metaphorically. The uncertainty of her path forward mirrors her internal struggle, leaving the audience in suspense about her emotional state.
Essence: Mary’s loneliness and internal struggle.
Conflict: Mary’s feelings of abandonment and isolation.
Subtext: The emptiness of the corridors mirrors Mary’s emotional void.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds solace. We fear she will succumb to her despair.
33 INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – NIGHT
Mary destroys a picture of her and Vince, venting her frustration and pain. She then looks around the room and notices the pictures of Marlene Dietrich. Hortense wakes up and tells Mary that her breaking her hip is just like Marlene Dietrich’s experience, planting the idea in Mary’s mind.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary, overwhelmed with frustration and pain, tears apart a picture of her and Vince. Her anger and despair are palpable, filling the room with tension
Middle: (Intrigue) As Mary looks around the room, her eyes fall on the numerous pictures of Marlene Dietrich that decorate Hortense’s side. Her curiosity is piqued, and she remembers what Hortense told her about her broken hip and the parallel to Marlene Dietrich.
End: (Major Twist) Mary has an inspirational moment. She is completely taken by the idea and seems completely positively overwhelmed.
Essence: Mary’s emotional breakdown and the birth of a new idea.
Conflict: Mary’s despair versus the spark of inspiration from Hortense’s comment.
Subtext: The parallel between Mary and Marlene Dietrich.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds solace and inspiration. We fear she might remain stuck in her despair.
2.3. MIDPOINT
Scene Arc: From Mary announcing her comeback to discovering her son
34 INT. ELDERLY HOME, GARDEN – DAY
Essence: Mary discusses her comeback idea (Marlene program) with Faye, who encourages her and agrees to write an article under Mary's maiden name.
Beginning: (Character Changes Radically) Mary, energized by her new idea, sits with Faye in the garden and excitedly shares her vision for a Marlene Dietrich comeback program. Faye listens intently, her curiosity piqued by Mary’s enthusiasm and determination.
Middle: (Uncertainty) As Mary outlines her plans, doubts start to creep in. She worries aloud about whether she still has the talent and stamina to pull it off. Faye, sensing Mary’s anxiety, reassures her but also acknowledges the challenges they might face, adding a layer of suspense to the conversation.
End: (Suspense) Faye, inspired by Mary’s passion, agrees to write an article about the comeback, using Mary’s maiden name to create a fresh start. This agreement symbolizes a new beginning and the potential for success, but the road ahead remains uncertain.
Essence: Mary’s reinvention and sharing of her new vision.
Conflict: Mary’s excitement about the new program versus the uncertainty of its success.
Subtext: Mary’s transformation and Faye’s support.
Hope/Fear: We hope Faye supports Mary’s idea and helps her get it out. We fear the challenges that lie ahead.
35 INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Mary presents Faye's article to Placid and asks to use the multipurpose room for rehearsals.
Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Mary, brimming with excitement, presents Faye's article to Placid and asks to use the multipurpose room for rehearsals. Placid misunderstands her request and thinks she wants to organize a concert for the elderly home residents.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Placid, with a polite but firm tone, denies Mary’s request, stating that the multipurpose room is reserved for internal occasions only. Mary’s frustration becomes evident as she realizes her request is being misunderstood.
End: (Cliffhanger) Mary tries to explain her need to rehearse for a professional comeback, but Placid remains firm in his decision. Mary leaves the office, her determination clashing with the demoralizing reality of the institutional constraints, leaving her next move uncertain.
Essence: Mary asks Placid to use the multipurpose room for rehearsals. Placid misunderstands and thinks it's a concert for the elderly home.
Conflict: Placid denies Mary’s request, saying it's reserved for internal occasions, leading to Mary’s frustration.
Subtext: Mary’s desperation to reclaim her career versus the institutional constraints and her realization of the limitations imposed by the elderly home.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid allows Mary to use the multipurpose room. We fear he will misunderstand and refuse her request. We hope Mary finds another way to rehearse. We fear she will be demoralized by the refusal.
36 INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – NIGHT
Mary looks for a remote place to rehearse and finds Julia in the kitchen.
Beginning: (Superior Position) Mary sneaks into the kitchen, thinking it’s an ideal remote place to rehearse. She’s caught off guard when she finds Julia there, already drinking.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Julia, seeing Mary, offers her a drink, reminiscing about old times. Mary hesitates, visibly struggling with her temptation and her resolve to stay sober.
End: (Uncertainty) Mary firmly declines the drink and starts to leave, but Julia, feeling rejected, becomes more insistent. Mary stands her ground, but the tension remains high, leaving her next actions and the consequences uncertain.
Essence: Mary seeks out a remote place to rehearse and encounters Julia.
Conflict: Julia wants a drinking partner, but Mary wants to stay away from alcohol.
Subtext: Mary’s struggle with her past dependence on alcohol and her determination to stay sober.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can find a place to rehearse without compromising her sobriety. We fear Julia’s influence might lead her back to drinking.
37 INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – NIGHT (BACKSTORY)
Mary tells Julia about her difficult times and why she can’t have alcohol.
Beginning: (Character changes radically) Mary, feeling cornered by Julia’s insistence, decides to open up about her past. She starts hesitantly, revealing bits and pieces of her struggle with alcohol.
Middle: (Mislead A) Julia listens intently, her expression shifting from curiosity to understanding as Mary recounts the difficulties she faced and how hard it was to stay sober. Mary’s openness adds depth to her character and draws Julia’s empathy.
End: (Uncertainty) Julia, moved by Mary’s story, puts away the alcohol and promises to support her instead, assuring Mary that she will withhold it if asked. This creates a bond but leaves an air of uncertainty about the future.
Essence: Mary confides in Julia about her past struggles with alcohol.
Conflict: Mary’s need for a rehearsal space versus her past struggles with alcohol.
Subtext: Mary’s vulnerability and the strength it takes to stay sober.
Hope/Fear: We hope Julia understands and supports Mary. We fear this might strain their relationship.
38 INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – NIGHT
Hortense tells Mary that her son was here and looking for her.
Beginning: (Major twist) Mary enters the room, and Hortense, with a mixture of excitement and confusion, tells her that a young man was looking for her, claiming to be her son.
Middle: (Reveal B to Mislead A) Mary’s face tightens as she processes this information. The weight of unresolved family issues and the suddenness of the news create a tense atmosphere. Hortense, sensing Mary’s discomfort, tries to lighten the mood but only adds to the awkwardness.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Mary sits down, visibly shaken. She grapples with the decision of whether to reach out to her son or continue avoiding the pain of their past. The scene ends with Mary in deep thought, highlighting her internal struggle.
Essence: Hortense informs Mary that her son was looking for her.
Conflict: Mary’s emotional turmoil about her son’s visit.
Subtext: Mary’s unresolved issues with her family and her feelings of abandonment.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can reconcile with her past and her son. We fear this will add to her emotional burden.
Scene Arc: From Mary proudly announcing her upcoming concert to Robert suggesting she retire gracefully
39 INT. ELDERLY HOME, CAFETERIA – DAY
Mary meets Robert and tries to impress him with her upcoming show. Sophie approaches Mary to meet before the Book Buddy Club, but Mary sends her away because she is with her son. Vince arrives with flowers to apologize, but Mary rejects Vince and his flowers.
Beginning: (Superior Position) Mary, with a nervous smile, meets Robert in the cafeteria and tries to impress him by talking about her upcoming show. The tension is palpable as Robert seems more interested in connecting on a personal level.
Middle: (Misleading) Sophie, excited to meet with Mary before the Book Buddy Club, approaches their table. Mary, distracted by her conversation with Robert, brusquely sends Sophie away. The scene heightens as Vince enters with flowers, ready to apologize for his earlier actions.
End: (Betrayal) Mary, focused on impressing Robert, rejects Vince and his flowers in front of everyone, leaving him visibly hurt. This creates a sense of betrayal for both Vince and Sophie, who witness Mary's dismissal. The scene closes with Robert observing the unfolding drama, adding to the tension and uncertainty about their relationship.
Essence: Mary is rejecting Robert, Sophie, and Vince in her effort to focus on impressing her son with her upcoming concert.
Conflict: Robert wants to connect emotionally, but Mary focuses on impressing him. Sophie and Vince are also rejected in her pursuit.
Subtext: Mary’s need to justify her past decisions and impress her son, while struggling to balance her personal life and career ambitions.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will connect with Robert and gain his support. We fear she will alienate him by focusing solely on her career. We also fear Sophie and Vince will feel neglected.
40 INT. ELDERLY HOME, CAFETERIA – DAY
Mary has to leave to join the Book Buddy Club with Sophie. Robert and Vince feel rejected and disconnected from Mary. Robert and Vince meet for the first time. Placid comes by, and Vince gives him the flowers because Mary does not want them.
Beginning: (Misleading) Mary, aware of her obligation to the Book Buddy Club, reluctantly excuses herself from Robert and Vince. The awkwardness is palpable as both men feel sidelined by her decision.
Middle: (Superior Position) As Mary leaves, Robert and Vince, feeling rejected, strike up a conversation. They bond over their mutual frustration with Mary, unaware of her deeper struggles and responsibilities.
End: (Cliffhanger) Placid arrives, noticing the tension. Vince, still holding the flowers, hands them to Placid, explaining that Mary didn’t want them. Placid accepts the flowers with a puzzled look, adding a layer of intrigue to the scene as Robert and Vince watch Mary leave with a mix of understanding and lingering disappointment.
Essence: Mary’s obligation to Sophie disrupts her time with Robert, while Vince and Robert bond over their shared rejection by Mary.
Conflict: Mary’s commitment to the Book Buddy Club versus Robert’s desire for her attention. Vince’s attempt to reconcile with Mary is thwarted.
Subtext: The tension between Mary’s professional and personal responsibilities, and the mutual understanding between Vince and Robert.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can manage both commitments. We fear Robert will feel neglected. We hope the encounter leads to a better understanding between Vince and Robert, but we fear it will create more tension.
41 INT. ELDERLY HOME, BOOK BUDDY CLUB – DAY
Mary, excited about her show, asks Sophie about social media. Sophie tells Mary to focus on her son and not the concert.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary, excited about her upcoming show, eagerly asks Sophie for advice on using social media to promote it. Sophie, still feeling hurt from being brushed off earlier, responds coolly.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Mary, not picking up on Sophie’s mood, continues to talk about the concert. Sophie, trying to get through to Mary, suggests that she should focus on reconciling with her son instead of the concert, causing a moment of tension between them.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Mary, taken aback by Sophie’s advice, is left to contemplate whether to heed Sophie’s suggestion or continue prioritizing her career. The scene ends with Mary in deep thought, reflecting on her priorities and relationships.
Essence: Mary seeks Sophie’s advice on social media for her show, but Sophie advises Mary to prioritize her son.
Conflict: Sophie is upset about being neglected earlier, and Mary’s excitement about the concert versus Sophie’s advice.
Subtext: Mary’s focus on her career versus Sophie’s need for attention, and the balance between Mary’s career and her personal relationships.
Hope/Fear: We hope Sophie will help Mary. We fear Sophie’s feelings of neglect will affect their interaction. We hope Mary will take Sophie’s advice. We fear she will disregard it.
42 INT. ELDERLY HOME, ROOM – NIGHT
Mary makes videos of herself.
Beginning: (Uncertainty) Mary, determined but visibly anxious, sets up her camera and lighting, fumbling with the equipment. Her hands shake slightly as she adjusts the tripod, showcasing her nervous energy. She begins recording, her voice wavering slightly as she introduces herself and talks about her upcoming show.
Middle: (Surprise) As Mary continues, she experiences a mix of emotions. When she manages to deliver a particularly strong and confident take, her face lights up with a hopeful smile, a glimpse of the old Mary who loved performing. However, technical issues soon arise—the camera battery dies, or the lighting falls—causing her frustration to build. She slumps in her chair, the weight of her struggles evident. Determined not to give up, she resolves the issues and starts again, only to face another setback, plunging her back into despair.
End: (Cliffhanger) After finally recording a satisfactory video, Mary sits back, exhausted but somewhat satisfied. Just as she starts to feel a sense of accomplishment, she receives a message from Vince. Reading his words of disappointment and reluctance to support her concert, she feels a sharp sting of betrayal. The scene ends with Mary holding her phone, tears welling up as she teeters between giving up and pushing forward, leaving the audience in suspense about her next move.
Essence: Mary prepares for her concert by making promotional videos.
Conflict: Mary’s determination to succeed versus her emotional turmoil.
Subtext: Mary’s need to prove herself through her career.
Hope/Fear: We hope the videos will help her concert. We fear her efforts will be in vain.
43 INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – NIGHT
Robert comes back and proposes that Mary retire gracefully, offering financial support. Mary is devastated, saying artists don’t retire, they just die. Robert points out that she doesn’t even have a location for the show yet.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Robert enters the room, hesitating before he begins to speak. He softly suggests that Mary should consider retiring gracefully and offers financial support to help her through this transition. His tone is gentle, but the impact on Mary is profound.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Mary is devastated by Robert’s suggestion. She struggles to hold back tears as she explains that artists don’t retire; they just die. Her voice trembles with emotion, and the weight of her words hangs heavily in the air. Robert looks confused, failing to grasp the depth of Mary’s attachment to her career.
End: (Reveal) Robert, trying to be practical, points out that Mary doesn’t even have a location for her show yet. This stings Mary deeply, highlighting the logistical challenges she still faces and intensifying her sense of desperation and isolation. The scene ends with Mary sitting in silence, overwhelmed by the seeming impossibility of her dreams and Robert’s lack of understanding.
Essence: Robert suggests Mary retire, misunderstanding her need to perform.
Conflict: Mary’s need to perform versus Robert’s offer of financial support.
Subtext: The deep misunderstanding between Mary and Robert about her career and identity.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can convey her passion for performing to Robert. We fear this suggestion will hurt their relationship.
ACT 3
3.1. RETHINKING
Scene Arc: From Mary renting the concert space from Dieter to facing the setback of a negative article.
44 INT. CONCERT CLUB, OFFICE – DAY
Mary meets Dieter to rent the concert club. Dieter is skeptical about Mary’s ability to afford the rental fee. Mary calls Robert to confirm financial support, but Robert refuses to pay for the concert bar. Determined, Mary decides to save money by going to the cheaper hairdresser at the elderly home instead of her usual expensive salon.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mary enters Dieter's office, her determination clear despite the tension in the air. She confidently explains her plans for the concert and expresses her desire to rent the club. Dieter listens, but his skepticism is evident.
Middle: (Betrayal) Dieter questions Mary’s ability to afford the rental fee, casting doubt on her financial stability. Mary, feeling the pressure, calls Robert to confirm financial support. The room is silent as she waits for his response, but her hope is shattered when Robert refuses to pay for the concert bar.
End: (Surprise) Determined not to give up, Mary decides to make personal sacrifices. She tells Dieter she will save money by going to the cheaper hairdresser at the elderly home instead of her usual expensive salon, demonstrating her commitment and resourcefulness. Dieter, seeing her determination, remains skeptical but intrigued, leaving the outcome uncertain as Mary steps out of the office, resolved to find a way.
Essence: Mary negotiates with Dieter to rent the concert club and seeks financial support from Robert, ultimately deciding to make personal sacrifices to secure the venue.
Conflict: Dieter is uncertain if Mary can afford the rental fee, and Robert refuses to support Mary’s rental financially, leaving her to find a solution.
Subtext: Mary’s determination to prove herself and secure a venue for her comeback despite financial constraints and lack of support from her son.
Hope/Fear: We hope Dieter agrees to rent the club to Mary despite financial concerns. We fear Robert’s refusal will jeopardize her plans. We hope Mary’s decision to save money helps her secure the venue. We fear it might not be enough.
Not to forget: Mary suggests if concert goes well, it’s proof she can be back on stage.
45 INT. ELDERLY HOME, MARY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Mary reads an article by Faye in the local newspaper that trashes her social media presence and implies that the upcoming show might not meet expectations.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary sits in her room, eagerly flipping through the local newspaper, searching for the article by Faye. Her anticipation quickly turns to dismay as she reads the harsh critique of her social media presence, the words stinging like a personal attack.
Middle: (Surprise) As Mary reads further, the article implies that her upcoming show might not meet expectations. The revelation hits her hard, and her initial confidence begins to waver. The room feels smaller, the walls closing in as she processes the criticism.
End: (Suspense) Mary puts down the newspaper, her mind racing. She struggles internally, questioning whether she should continue pushing forward or give in to the doubts now clouding her thoughts. The scene ends with Mary staring out the window, caught in a moment of deep reflection and uncertainty.
Essence: Mary faces a setback with the negative article about her social media presence.
Conflict: Mary’s confidence is shaken by the negative article.
Subtext: The challenges and opposition Mary faces in her comeback journey.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can overcome this setback. We fear it might derail her plans.
Scene Arc: From Mary Refusing to Perform at Elderly Home to Having All Tickets Sold
46 INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Crisis conference with Placid, Vince, and Robert offer Mary the multipurpose room for her concert to help her after the negative article and save a lot of money. Mary refuses, stating she wants a "real" audience and not to play for the elderly and children. Mary leaves the room determined to go ahead with her original plan.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary sits in Placid's office, facing Placid, Vince, and Robert, who are all visibly concerned about her. The room is tense as Placid begins the discussion, proposing the use of the multipurpose room for her concert as a way to mitigate the damage from the negative article and save money.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) As Placid explains the benefits, Mary’s face shows a mixture of frustration and determination. Vince and Robert chime in, emphasizing the financial and practical advantages. Mary’s internal struggle is evident as she considers their points but remains steadfast in her desire for a "real" audience.
End: (Cliffhanger) Mary, with a resolute expression, stands up and firmly rejects the offer, stating that she wants to perform for a genuine audience, not just the residents and children. She leaves the room with a determined stride, leaving Placid, Vince, and Robert stunned and worried about the consequences of her decision. The scene closes on the uncertain expressions of the three men, hinting at the challenges Mary will face moving forward.
Essence: Mary rejects the offer of the multipurpose room, insisting on performing for a "real" audience.
Conflict: Mary’s determination to perform for a "real" audience versus Placid, Vince, and Robert’s attempt to help her.
Subtext: Mary’s desperation to reclaim her career and not settle for less.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s determination will lead to success. We fear her refusal might isolate her further.
47 INT. ELDERLY HOME, OFFICE – DAY
After Mary left, Robert and Vince insist that Placid help them prevent Mary from performing, trying to stop her from rehearsing.
Beginning: (Surprise) After Mary storms out, Robert and Vince stay behind, visibly concerned. They turn to Placid, explaining their fears for Mary’s well-being and urging him to help them stop her from going through with the concert.
Middle: (Uncertainty) Placid listens as Robert and Vince express their worries. Placid, torn between his duty to support the residents and his understanding of Mary’s fierce independence, finds himself in an awkward position. The tension in the room grows as he considers their request.
End: (Suspense) Placid, with a thoughtful expression, promises to think about their concerns but doesn’t give a definitive answer. He knows how much the concert means to Mary. The scene ends with Placid contemplating his next move, leaving Robert and Vince uncertain about whether their intervention will succeed.
Essence: Robert and Vince attempt to prevent Mary from performing by seeking Placid’s help
Conflict: Robert and Vince’s protective instincts versus Mary’s determination.
Subtext: The struggle between Mary’s autonomy and the protective efforts of those around her.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid will find a way to support Mary. We fear their interference might derail her plans.
48 INT. ELDERLY HOME, CORRIDOR TO KITCHEN – NIGHT
Placid stays late at the elderly home, searching for where Mary is rehearsing. He finds the kitchen and is surprised by how many residents are outside in the corridor, enjoying Mary’s rehearsal without her knowing. Placid is hesitant—should he stop Mary or continue to support her in his own way? To everybody’s surprise: Placid starts dancing (a bit like Christopher Walken in "Weapon of Choice"), and the elderly are amazed.
Beginning: (Intrigue) Placid stays late at the elderly home, searching for where Mary is rehearsing. He hears music and follows the sound to the kitchen, his curiosity piqued.
Middle: (Surprise) Placid finds the kitchen and is surprised by how many residents are outside in the corridor, enjoying Mary’s rehearsal without her knowing. Their quiet enjoyment and smiles move him, revealing the positive impact Mary’s music has on them.
End: (Character Changes Radically) Placid, hesitant at first, decides to join in. To everybody’s surprise, he starts dancing (a bit like Christopher Walken in "Weapon of Choice"), and the elderly are amazed. His unexpected dance supports Mary’s efforts and shows his shift from skepticism to enthusiastic support, leaving the residents delighted and creating a sense of unity.
Essence: Placid discovers the positive impact of Mary’s rehearsals on the residents and decides to support her in his own way.
Conflict: Placid’s hesitation to support Mary openly versus the evident joy of the residents.
Subtext: Placid’s internal conflict about supporting Mary’s efforts and his shift from skepticism to support.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid will see the value in Mary’s performance. We fear he will still try to stop her. We hope Placid’s support will encourage Mary. We fear his hesitation might still hold him back.
49 INT. ELDERLY HOME, MARY’S ROOM – DAY
Mary gets the news from Dieter that all the tickets are sold.
Beginning: (Surprise) Mary is in her room, going over her plans and rehearsals, when she receives a phone call from Dieter. The tension is palpable as she answers, unsure of what to expect.
Middle: (Reveal) Dieter informs Mary that all the tickets for her concert are sold out. Mary is initially stunned, her eyes widening in disbelief as the news sinks in. The weight of her doubts begins to lift.
End: (Mystery) Mary, still in shock, asks Dieter how this happened. Dieter, slightly evasive, gives an aleatory answer about word-of-mouth and interest in her comeback, leaving Mary intrigued and puzzled.
Essence: Mary learns that all the tickets for her concert are sold.
Conflict: Mary’s initial doubts versus the overwhelming support she receives.
Subtext: The validation of Mary’s efforts and determination.
Hope/Fear: We hope this news boosts Mary’s confidence. We fear she might still face obstacles ahead.
3.2. NEW PLAN
Scene Arc: From Mary Doing Final Rehearsals to Realizing That Placid Bought All the Tickets
50 INT. ELDERLY HOME, ENRIQUE'S REHAB – DAY
Mary rehearses with Enrique, including a costume selection. Mary is annoyed by her Marlene-wig.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary, dressed in her Marlene Dietrich costume, stands in front of the mirror, fussing with the wig. Her frustration is palpable as she struggles to make it look right.
Middle: (Misinterpretation) Enrique suggests a minor adjustment to the routine to accommodate the wig, but Mary misinterprets his advice as a critique of her performance. The tension between them escalates as Mary snaps back, insisting that everything must be perfect. This misunderstanding heightens the stakes, showcasing Mary’s anxiety and determination.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Enrique, sensing Mary’s growing frustration, suggests she get her hair done by the hairdresser in the Marlene style. Mary hesitates, torn between her desire for perfection and her need to manage within her current limitations. The scene ends with Mary considering Enrique’s suggestion, highlighting her internal struggle to balance her ambitions with practical solutions.
Essence: Mary prepares for her concert with Enrique’s help, expressing her annoyance with the wig.
Conflict: Mary’s determination to perfect her performance versus the need for a flawless appearance.
Subtext: Mary’s dedication to her comeback and her anxiety about every detail being perfect.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s rehearsal goes smoothly. We fear something will go wrong with her preparations.
51 INT. ELDERLY HOME, HAIRDRESSER – DAY
Mary goes to the in-house hairdresser to get the perfect blonde Marlene hair instead of the wig. The hairdresser does something wrong. We see Mary and the hairdresser’s shocking reaction but not what it is. As a solution to hide the catastrophe, Mary puts back on the Marlene-wig.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary, for the first time not at her usual hairdresser, sits in the hairdresser’s chair, explaining exactly how she wants her hair to look like Marlene Dietrich’s iconic style. The hairdresser listens intently, trying to reassure Mary despite her own nervousness.
Middle: (Suspense) As the hairdresser works, Mary’s anxiety grows. She keeps checking the mirror, her fingers tapping nervously on the armrest. The tension builds as the hairdresser makes the final touches. Mary senses something is off but tries to remain calm.
End: (Character Changes Radically) The hairdresser steps back, revealing her work. The camera shows Mary’s horrified reaction as she sees her hair dyed a shocking purple instead of the desired blonde. The audience is shown the disastrous result briefly. Desperate to fix the mistake, Mary hurriedly puts the Marlene-wig back on, hiding the purple hair. The scene ends with Mary staring at herself in the mirror, visibly shaken but determined to move forward despite the setback.
Essence: Mary seeks to complete her look with the perfect hairstyle, but the hairdresser’s mistake leads to a desperate search for a solution.
Conflict: The hairdresser’s attempt to achieve the perfect look versus the possibility of making a mistake and Mary’s increasing anxiety.
Subtext: Mary’s need for perfection and the pressure she puts on herself, struggling with unexpected setbacks and her fear of not being perfect.
Hope/Fear: We hope the hairdresser succeeds in giving Mary the perfect hairstyle. We fear the hairdresser will make a mistake and Mary’s appearance will be ruined.
3.3. HUGE FAILURE
52 INT. ELDERLY HOME, HORTENSE'S ROOM – DAY
Mary goes to Hortense to cry about the hair disaster. But Hortense, in bad shape, says it’s her last wish to see Mary perform. Mary discovers a ticket to her concert on Hortense’s night table. Hortense tells Mary that Placid bought tickets for everyone in the elderly home.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary, distressed by her hair disaster, rushes to Hortense’s room, tears streaming down her face. She breaks down, seeking comfort and reassurance from her old friend.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Hortense, in a much worse condition than before, barely speaks. She doesn't even ask the usual question about if Mary has "Family," highlighting her deteriorating state.
End: (Mystery B) Mary discovers a ticket to her show on Hortense's night table. Hortense, mustering her strength, reveals that it's her last wish to see Mary perform. Mary, confused and emotional, asks how Hortense got the ticket. Hortense reveals that Placid bought tickets for everyone in the elderly home. The revelation adds a layer of mystery and depth to the support Mary has received, leaving her both touched and determined.
Essence: Mary seeks comfort from Hortense after the hair disaster and discovers that Placid bought all the tickets. Hortense is in bad shape.
Conflict: Mary’s need for emotional support versus Hortense’s declining health.
Subtext: Mary’s vulnerability and the comfort she finds in Hortense’s presence. The truth behind the sold-out concert.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds solace in Hortense. We fear Hortense’s health will worsen.
Scene Arc: From Mary Attempting to Cancel the Concert to Hortense's Death.
53 INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
Mary calls Dieter to cancel the concert. Dieter refuses because he is happy to have a sold-out house and suggests her program might be a success for other elderly homes as well.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary, feeling overwhelmed and doubting her ability to perform, nervously dials Dieter's number. The phone call’s anticipation heightens her anxiety.
Middle: (Surprise) Dieter answers with enthusiasm, expressing his delight over the sold-out concert. Mary, hesitant and stumbling over her words, tries to explain her desire to cancel the show. Dieter cuts her off, emphasizing the importance of the sold-out status and his belief in her program's potential success.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Dieter suggests that if her concert is successful, it could be a hit in other elderly homes as well, adding more pressure on Mary. Mary, taken aback by his confidence and the new possibility, ends the call in a state of uncertainty, leaving the audience wondering how she will handle the added pressure and whether she will go through with the performance.
Essence: Mary attempts to cancel the concert but faces resistance from Dieter.
Conflict: Mary’s desire to cancel the concert versus Dieter’s insistence on keeping the sold-out show.
Subtext: Mary’s doubts and fears about the concert’s success and her ability to perform.
Hope/Fear: We hope Dieter’s encouragement will reassure Mary. We fear his refusal might increase her anxiety.
54 INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – DAY
Mary sneaks into the kitchen, where Julia hides her drinks. Mary contemplates taking a bottle and eventually gets the bottle.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary sneaks into the kitchen, her eyes darting around nervously. She approaches the cabinet where Julia hides her drinks, the tension building as she contemplates her next move.
Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Mary reaches for a bottle, her hands trembling. Just as she’s about to take it, Julia enters the kitchen, catching Mary in the act. Julia’s face registers a mix of shock and concern.
End: (Uncertainty) Mary, caught between her desperation and her resolve to stay sober, hesitates. Julia steps forward, trying to gently take the bottle from her. Mary clutches it tightly, her internal struggle evident. The scene ends with Mary’s grip loosening, tears welling up in her eyes, leaving the audience in suspense about whether she will give in to the temptation or find the strength to resist.
Essence: Mary struggles with the temptation of alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Conflict: Mary’s need to stay sober versus the temptation to drink.
Subtext: Mary’s internal battle with her past dependence on alcohol and her current stress.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary resists the temptation. We fear she might relapse.
55 INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
On her way back to her room, Sophie throws a ball at her. Mary is apathetic and does not really respond. Sophie mentions she is also coming to the concert tomorrow, along with some other kids. Mary freezes.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) On her way back to her room, Mary walks slowly, lost in thought, the bottle of alcohol weighing heavily in her bag. Sophie, full of energy, throws a ball at Mary, trying to engage her in play. Mary’s apathy is evident as she barely responds, her mind preoccupied with her internal struggle.
Middle: (Reveal) Sophie, noticing Mary’s unusual behavior, mentions casually that she and some other kids are coming to Mary’s concert tomorrow. Mary freezes at Sophie’s words, the weight of her influence on Sophie and the other children suddenly hitting her.
End: (Suspense) Mary stands motionless, torn between the bottle in her bag and the responsibility she feels towards Sophie and the children. The scene ends with Mary staring at Sophie, her face a mix of shock and realization, leaving the audience in suspense about whether she will succumb to her temptation or find the strength to be a role model.
Essence: Mary’s struggle with her decision to drink and the impact of Sophie’s words.
Conflict: Mary’s internal conflict about drinking versus her concern for Sophie’s expectations.
Subtext: Mary’s awareness of the influence she has on Sophie and the importance of being a role model.
Hope/Fear: We hope Sophie’s words will dissuade Mary from drinking. We fear Mary’s apathy might lead her to make a poor decision.
56 INT. ELDERLY HOME, MARY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Just as Mary is about to take a drink in her room, she realizes that Hortense has died. The shock causes her to drop the bottle, which gets destroyed as it hits the floor.
Beginning: (Suspense) Mary returns to her room, carrying the bottle of alcohol. She notices Hortense lying silently in bed, but she doesn't say anything. The eerie quietness heightens the tension as Mary moves to her own space.
Middle: (Major twist) Mary, feeling the weight of her struggles, finally raises the bottle to her lips. She glances at Hortense and, sensing something is wrong, goes to check on her. Mary realizes that Hortense has passed away, the shock hitting her like a physical blow.
End: (Cliffhanger) In her disbelief, Mary drops the bottle, and it shatters on the floor. The reality of Hortense’s death sinks in, bringing a sudden and sobering clarity. Mary’s eyes fill with tears, leaving the audience in suspense about her next move.
Essence: Mary is confronted with Hortense’s death at a critical moment, leading to an emotional grounding and recovery.
Conflict: Mary’s intention to drink versus the shock of Hortense’s death.
Subtext: The sudden confrontation with mortality and its impact on Mary’s perspective.
Hope/Fear: We hope Hortense’s death will serve as a wake-up call for Mary. We fear the emotional toll it will take on her.
ACT 4
4.1. CLIMAX
Scene Arc: From Refusing to Perform for the Elderly to Deciding to Perform
57 INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Mary tells Placid she can’t perform. Placid insists she must because death is part of life and emphasizes the positive impact her rehearsals have had on the residents. He reveals that Robert and Vince wanted to stop her from performing and that he bought the tickets himself, believing in the importance of her art. He shares his own backstory about being prevented from pursuing his passions due to being too small and wants to ensure Mary doesn’t suffer similarly. Outraged to learn Robert and Vince were behind Faye’s article, Mary must choose between giving up or proving her worth. She decides to prove them wrong.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary enters Placid’s office, her face marked with grief and exhaustion. She tells Placid she can’t perform, her voice breaking as she explains the emotional toll of Hortense’s death.
Middle: (Mystery C) Placid listens intently, then insists she must perform. He emphasizes that death is part of life and shares how her rehearsals have positively impacted the residents. He reveals that Robert and Vince tried to stop her from performing, and that he bought the tickets himself, believing in the importance of her art. Placid shares his own story about being prevented from pursuing his passions due to his small stature, expressing his desire to ensure Mary doesn’t suffer similarly.
End: (Character changes radically) Outraged to learn Robert and Vince were behind Faye’s article, Mary faces a critical decision. Her initial despair transforms into a fierce determination as she decides to prove them wrong. She leaves Placid’s office with a newfound resolve, determined to make her performance a success.
Essence: Mary struggles with the idea of performing, while Placid insists on the importance of her art for the elderly.
Conflict: Mary’s reluctance to perform versus Placid’s insistence on the significance of her performance.
Subtext: The deeper connection between life, death, and the importance of art in enriching
lives.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid’s words will resonate with Mary. We fear Mary will continue to refuse.
58 INT. ELDERLY HOME, MARY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Sophie, feeling neglected by Mary, looks for her and sneaks into her room. She finds Hortense’s denture glass empty, indicating she has taken it. Sophie exchanges Mary’s show clothes, following Mary’s earlier advice that surprising people is always effective.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Sophie, feeling neglected and alone, wanders through the elderly home, searching for Mary. She sneaks into Mary’s room, her movements cautious and quiet.
Middle: (Intrigue) As Sophie looks around the room, she notices Hortense’s denture in the glass, but Hortense is not there. In a bid to connect with Mary and perhaps get her attention, Sophie mischievously exchanges Mary’s show clothes and swaps the contents of Mary’s makeup wallet with the denture.
End: (Cliffhanger) Sophie sneaks out of the room, leaving the audience wondering how Mary will react to the changes and what impact it will have on their relationship.
Essence: Sophie’s actions reflect her understanding of Mary’s advice and her own need for connection.
Conflict: Sophie’s feelings of neglect versus her desire to connect with Mary.
Subtext: The impact of Mary’s actions on those around her and the importance of meaningful connections.
Hope/Fear: We hope Sophie’s actions bring her closer to Mary. We fear this might create more tension
Scene Arc: From Mary Preparing Backstage to Performing Without Costumes in the Dark
59 INT. CONCERT CLUB, BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Mary gets ready backstage, just like at the beginning of the story. She wants to put on her Marlene Dietrich performance clothes but realizes they have been exchanged. Vince comes to wish Mary good luck and notices her distress. Mary asks Vince to cut the electricity to avoid being seen without her proper costume. Vince says that means that there will be no music.
Beginning: (Major Twist) Mary gets ready backstage, mirroring the beginning of the story. She opens her wardrobe to put on her Marlene Dietrich performance clothes but realizes they have been exchanged. Her distress is immediate and palpable.
Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Vince comes to wish Mary good luck and notices her distress. Mary, on the verge of panic, explains the wardrobe disaster and pleads with Vince to cut the electricity to avoid being seen without her proper costume. The tension rises as Vince processes her request.
End: (Internal Dilemma) Vince, torn between helping Mary and the technical implications of cutting the electricity, hesitates. He finally tells Mary that cutting the electricity would also mean there will be no music. The scene ends with Mary’s desperate and anxious expression, leaving the audience in suspense about what will happen next.
Essence: Mary faces an unexpected wardrobe crisis and seeks a desperate solution.
Conflict: Mary’s need to be perfectly dressed for her performance versus the reality of her clothes being exchanged and the technical challenge of cutting electricity.
Subtext: The pressure of meeting expectations and the fear of failure. Mary’s reliance on external appearances to validate her talent.
Hope/Fear: We hope Vince can help Mary find a solution. We fear cutting the electricity might create more problems and ruin the show.
60 INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
In the dark, Mary stands on the stage and announces she will perform a cappella because there is no current. Vince goes to the piano to accompany her. They perform together.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) In the dark, Mary stands on the stage, her heart pounding. She gathers her courage and announces to the audience that she will perform a cappella because there is no current. The audience murmurs in surprise, creating a tense atmosphere.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Vince, sensing Mary’s vulnerability, goes to the piano. Despite the lack of electricity, he begins to play, providing a soft, acoustic accompaniment. The audience, initially skeptical, starts to quiet down, focusing on Mary and Vince.
End: (Reveal) As they perform together, Mary’s voice shines, her confidence growing with each note. The audience, captivated by the raw and intimate performance, responds with heartfelt applause. Mary realizes that her talent and connection with the audience are more powerful than any technical support, marking a triumphant and emotional moment.
Essence: Mary’s performance becomes a testament to her raw talent and resilience.
Conflict: Mary’s initial fear and vulnerability versus her eventual strength and adaptability. The challenge of performing without technical support.
Subtext: The power of inner strength and the ability to turn challenges into opportunities. Mary’s realization that her talent is enough.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s a cappella performance will be well-received. We fear the audience might not appreciate the impromptu change.
Scene Arc: From Mary Being Marlene to Becoming Mary
61 INT. CONCERT CLUB, BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Mary is in her element. Robert, watching from backstage, decides to turn the power back on to fully reveal Mary to the audience, showing his support for her true self.
Beginning: (Surprise) Mary is in her element on stage, performing with confidence and grace. Robert watches from backstage, his face reflecting a mix of pride and realization.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Overwhelmed by Mary’s talent and determination, Robert decides to turn the power back on. His action is a symbolic gesture of support, showing that he believes in her true self and her abilities.
End: (Suspense) The lights and sound system suddenly come back to life, fully illuminating Mary on stage. The audience gasps in surprise, and Mary hesitates for a split second, unsure of what just happened. Then, seeing Robert’s encouraging smile from backstage, she embraces the moment, continuing her performance with even more energy and passion. The scene ends with Mary shining brightly under the spotlight, fully supported by Robert’s gesture.
Essence: Robert acknowledges Mary’s dedication and takes action to support her.
Conflict: Robert’s initial skepticism versus his newfound understanding and support for Mary.
Subtext: The shift from doubt to support, highlighting the power of belief in someone’s potential.
Hope/Fear: We hope Robert’s decision to turn the power back on will enhance Mary’s performance. We fear it might disrupt the flow and surprise Mary.
62 INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
The lights come on, and everyone sees Mary in her usual clothes, with no make-up. Mary is initially shocked. Mary takes off her Marlene wig, revealing her purple hair. The audience, now seeing her true self, cheers even louder, screaming her name, "Mary!"
Beginning: (Surprise) The lights come on, revealing Mary in her usual clothes with no make-up. She is initially shocked, her vulnerability laid bare before the audience.
Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Gathering her courage, Mary takes off her Marlene wig, revealing her purple hair. The audience, taken aback at first, begins to cheer louder, appreciating her bravery and authenticity.
End: (Reveal) The cheers turn into a powerful chant of her name, “Mary!” The support and enthusiasm of the audience fill Mary with a renewed sense of confidence and validation. She embraces the moment, realizing that her true self is enough and deeply appreciated. The scene ends with Mary basking in the adoration of the crowd, symbolizing her triumph over her insecurities and external pressures.
Essence: Mary’s true self is celebrated and embraced by the audience.
Conflict: Mary’s initial shock and vulnerability versus her inner strength and dedication to her art.
Subtext: The triumph of inner beauty and talent over external appearances.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s decision to continue will resonate with the audience. We fear she might lose confidence and falter.
Scene Arc: From Mary Craving Applause to Stage Diving and Feeling Supported
4.2. RESOLUTION
63 INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
Mary is performing and reveling in the applause. Then Mary tells the audience to stop applauding and put their hands up. Mary stands at the edge of the stage and does a stage dive.
Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Mary is performing and reveling in the applause. She takes a moment to soak it all in, but something seems to be missing.
Middle: (Surprise) Mary, suddenly feeling a surge of bravery and desire for a real connection, tells the audience to stop applauding and put their hands up. The audience is momentarily confused but follows her lead, raising their hands in the air.
End: (Cliffhanger) Standing at the edge of the stage, Mary takes a deep breath and does a stage dive. The scene ends with Mary suspended in mid-air, leaving the audience and viewers in suspense, wondering if the crowd will catch her and embrace her bold move.
Essence: Mary seeks deeper connection beyond applause, making a bold move to engage with the audience.
Conflict: Mary’s desire for genuine connection versus the audience’s initial expectation of a traditional performance.
Subtext: The emptiness of superficial validation and the courage to seek true support.
Hope/Fear: We hope the audience understands and supports her. We fear they might be confused or disengaged.
64 INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
Mary is caught by the audience and everybody who is dear to her: Robert, Vince, Placid, Sophie, Dieter, Enrique, the elderly, etc. The audience is holding her up and letting her float, providing true support and connection.
Beginning: (Surprise) As Mary dives off the stage, the audience collectively reaches out, catching her. The tension breaks as she realizes she is safely in their hands.
Middle: (Character changes radically) Among the crowd holding her up are Robert, Vince, Placid, Sophie, Dieter, Enrique, and the elderly residents. Each face shows genuine joy and support, illustrating the deep connections Mary has formed.
End: (Resolution) The audience, with all those dear to Mary, lets her float above them, providing true support and connection. Mary’s face lights up with a mix of relief, joy, and gratitude, feeling the validation and support she had longed for, as the scene ends on a high note of unity and fulfillment.
Essence: Mary experiences true support and connection from her audience.
Conflict: Mary’s initial fear of rejection versus the overwhelming support from the audience.
Subtext: The fulfillment that comes from genuine human connection and support.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary feels validated and supported. We fear the moment might not last.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Scene Requirements

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: A huge step forward. Very helpful. Still, a lot of work to get the all the character arcs right and other small developments. But I keep moving forward. By working through this assignment, some more title ideas came to my mind.

ACT 1
1.1. OPENING

Scene Arc: From Mary getting ready to perform to falling off the stage.

1. INT. CONCERT CLUB, BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
MARY gets dressed in fancy stage clothing: high shoes, tight dress. With a shaking hand she puts on heavy “age-covering” make-up.
Essence: Mary gets ready for a performance.
Conflict: Mary fights age.
Subtext: Mary is covering up her age.
Hope/Fear: We hope all goes well. We fear something is going to happen to her.

2. INT. CONCERT CLUB, BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
The old club owner OLIVIA interrupts the preparations. She apologizes for not having the contract ready. Olivia wants to solve the issue after the concert. Mary is upset.
Essence: Mary is preparing for a performance while worrying about her future.
Conflict: Mary is anxious about securing her contract; Olivia is noncommittal.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of aging and becoming irrelevant.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will get the contract. We fear she will be dismissed because of her age.
Solving: Vince

1.2. INCITING INCIDENT

3. INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
Mary focuses on performing but is distracted by thoughts of the contract. Mary asks Olivia for a drink. Vince, from behind the piano, advises against it. As Mary reaches for the drink, she loses her balance and falls off the stage.
Essence: Mary is anxious about her future and seeks solace in alcohol, leading to a dramatic fall.
Conflict: Mary’s internal struggle between performing well and worrying about her career versus Vince’s concern for her well-being and attempt to prevent her from drinking.
Subtext: Mary’s dependence on alcohol to cope with stress and her fear of being past her prime.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary delivers a great performance and manages her stress. We fear the drink will lead to negative consequences.

Scene Arc: From Mary getting rehab diagnoses to escaping hospital.

4. INT. HOSPITAL, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY
Vince is beside Mary after the operation. The doctor explains that Mary needs intensive rehab for her hip fracture.
Essence: Mary faces the reality of her injury.
Conflict: Mary’s denial versus medical reality.
Subtext: Her fear of losing independence and relevance.
Hope/Fear: We hope she accepts the need for rehab. We fear she will refuse it and worsen her condition.

5. INT. HOSPITAL, HALLWAY – DAY
Whenever there is an uncomfortable situation with her double room neighbor or nursing staff, Mary tries to use a wheel chair, crutches, or walking chair.
Essence: Mary is uncomfortable at the hospital and wants to go home.
Conflict: Mary’s desire to escape versus the hospital’s efforts to keep her in place.
Subtext: Mary’s discomfort and resistance to her current situation.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds some comfort. We fear Mary will injure herself or worsen her condition.

6. INT. HOSPITAL, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY
A nurse patronizes Mary. Mary is fed up and escapes the hospital with a walking chair.
Essence: Mary escapes the hospital.
Conflict: Mary’s desire to leave versus the hospital’s rules.
Subtext: Her stubbornness and denial.
Hope/Fear: We hope she will reconsider. We fear she will injure herself further.

Scene Arc: From Mary “going back to normal” to arriving at the elderly home.

7. INT. VINCE’S HOME – DAY
Mary arrives at Vince’s home. She urges the shocked Vince to go to Olivia to get the contract, so they can start to prepare the program for the next season.
Essence: Mary urges Vince to secure the contract with Olivia.
Conflict: Mary’s demand for the contract versus Vince’s shock and concern for her health.
Subtext: Mary’s denial of her current physical state and desperation to cling to her career.
Hope/Fear: We hope Vince will prioritize Mary’s health over her career aspiration. We fear Vince will support Mary’s plan.

8. EXT. STREET – DAY
Angry Vince pushes Mary on her walking chair toward his car. He pressures Mary to start her rehab before doing anything else.
Essence: Vince pressures Mary to start her rehab.
Conflict: Vince refuses to rehearse unless Mary does her rehab.
Subtext: Vince’s genuine concern for Mary’s health masked by his anger.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will agree to start rehab. We fear she will resist and cause more conflict.

9. INT. CAR – DAY
In the car, Vince calls around to try to organize a place for Mary to start her rehab, after the hospital refuses to take Mary back (there is an insurance issue).
Essence: Vince arranges rehab for Mary.
Conflict: The difficulty of finding a suitable rehab facility.
Subtext: Vince’s determination to ensure Mary gets the help she needs despite logistical hurdle.
Hope/Fear: We hope Vince will find a place for Mary. We fear the challenges will prevent it.

10. EXT. ELDERLY HOME, PARKING – DAY
Mary has a shock when Vince stops in front of an elderly home.
Essence: Mary realizes she will be staying at an elderly home for rehab.
Conflict: Mary’s shock and resistance versus Vince’s insistence.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of aging and losing her independence.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will accept the necessity of staying at the elderly home. We fear she will refuse and create more conflict.

ACT 2
1.3. TURNING POINT

Scene Arc: From Mary expecting to do rehab to “read books” to a child.

11. INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
Vince gets hit by a ball from the children playing during their break (there is an integrated primary school). Vince hands Mary over to PLACID (director).
Essence: Mary’s arrival in her “new” world.
Conflict: Mary makes her demands (possibility to rehearse, single room).
Subtext: Mary’s resistance to her new environment and desire to maintain control over her life.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will start to adapt. We fear she will resist and make her stay difficult.

12. INT. MONTAGE – ELDERLY HOME – DAY
Placid shows Mary to the locations (rehab, integrated school, multipurpose room, chapel, lounge etc.).
Essence: Placid introduces Mary to the rules.
Conflict: Mary hates to follow rules.
Subtext: Placid’s strictness versus Mary’s rebellious nature.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will accept the structure. We fear she will continue to resist.

13. INT. ELDERLY HOME, LIBRARY – DAY
Each child from the Book Buddies Club reads a book with an elderly person. When Placid sees Sophie drawing on her own, he assigns Mary to read a book to Sophie.
Essence: Placid applies his rule: if she wants to receive, she has to give.
Conflict: Mary hates kids.
Subtext: Mary’s reluctance to engage versus Sophie’s quiet need for connection.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will make an effort. We fear she will reject Sophie.

14. INT. ELDERLY HOME, LIBRARY – DAY
Mary tells stories from her past to Sophie, using jazz slang and metaphorical language in an attempt to be off-putting. Sophie listens attentively, trying to make sense of the stories, and starts drawing literal interpretations of Mary’s metaphorical language.
Essence: Mary shares her past with Sophie in a confusing, metaphorical style to repel her.
Conflict: Mary bends the rules of the Book Buddies Club.
Subtext: Mary’s attempt to push Sophie away versus Sophie’s unexpected interest and connection.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s stories will create a bond. We fear her behavior will push Sophie away.

Scene Arc: From checking into a double room to attending Olivia’s funeral.

15. INT. ELDERLY HOME, RESIDENTIAL WING – DAY
Nursing staff picks up Mary. They slowly walk through the corridors of the residential wing. On the way to her new room, Mary gets depressing glimpses of everyday life.
Essence: Mary is introduced to her new environment, highlighting her discomfort.
Conflict: Mary’s resistance to accepting her new surroundings.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of aging.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will find some comfort or adapt to her new surroundings. We fear she will feel trapped and resist integration.

16. INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY
Mary is crushed when she enters her new room: it’s a double room. Her room neighbor is the friendly Hortense with dementia, a Marlene Dietrich worshipper.
Mary wants to know, when she can leave the institution. The nurse says for weddings and funerals. (Hortense tells Mary that she broke her hip like Marlene).
Essence: Mary is confronted with her new reality and the limitations of her situation.
Conflict: Mary’s desire for privacy and control versus the institution’s rules and setup.
Subtext: Mary’s struggle with accepting her aging and the loss of her autonomy.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will find a way to cope with her new situation. We fear she will feel even more isolated and desperate.

17.. EXT. CEMETERY – DAY
Vince and Mary stand at the open grave, when Olivia’s coffin is lowered into the grave. Vince points to a snobbish man in black, Olivia’s son Dieter, the new club owner.
Essence: The transition of power and control at the concert club.
Conflict: Mary’s grief over losing Olivia and uncertainty about the future.
Subtext: The looming challenge of dealing with Dieter and the changing dynamics at the club.
Hope/Fear: We hope there will be a future for Mary and Vince with Dieter as new owner. We fear Dieter will bring additional challenges to her already difficult situation.

2.1. NEW PLAN

Scene Arc: From setting up a test performance to delaying the contract

18. INT. RESTAURANT, FUNERAL MEAL – DAY
Mary reconnects with a familiar face among the mourners: Faye, a journalist and an old acquaintance. Mary and Vince condolence Dieter. He proposes a meeting to see them performing.
Essence: Dieter introduces the possibility of evaluating Mary and Vince's performance for future opportunities.
Conflict: The tension between mourning Olivia and addressing professional concerns.
Subtext: Dieter's pragmatic approach to business despite the emotional context.
Hope/Fear: We hope Dieter will see the value in Mary and Vince's performance. We fear he might be unsympathetic to their situation.

2.2. NEW PLAN IN ACTION

19. INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
Enrique works with Mary on her rehab exercises. Mary tries to overdo it, pushing herself too hard. Enrique has to stop her, emphasizing the importance of gradual progress.
Essence: Mary’s overexertion during rehab.
Conflict: Mary’s ambition to leave quickly versus Enrique’s insistence on a proper recovery.
Subtext: Mary’s desperation to escape and return to her career.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will follow Enrique’s advice. We fear she will harm herself by pushing too hard.

20 .INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Mary insists on using the multipurpose room for rehearsals, but Placid refuses, stating it’s reserved for internal occasions. He offers the chapel instead, which Mary reluctantly accepts despite her discomfort with it. Placid also tells Mary that he expects her to continue with the Book Buddy Club, mentioning that Sophie has been asking for her.
Essence: Mary negotiates for a rehearsal space and is reminded of her Book Buddy duties.
Conflict: Mary’s persistence versus Placid’s rules and expectations.
Subtext: Mary’s desperation to reclaim her career versus the institutional constraints and her new responsibilities.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary gets a suitable rehearsal space. We fear the chapel will demoralize her and the additional responsibility will overwhelm her.

21. INT. ELDERLY HOME, CHAPEL – DAY
Vince and Mary rehearse together in the chapel, going over songs and performance routines. Elderly residents and children, including Sophie, gather outside the chapel, intrigued by the music. Placid observes the growing audience. Vince informs Mary that Dieter is coming the next day.
Essence: Mary prepares for her comeback performance.
Conflict: Balancing the need for rest with the desire to perform.
Subtext: Mary’s anxiety about her readiness.
Hope/Fear: We hope the rehearsals go well. We fear Mary’s injury might hinder her performance.

22. INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
Mary sneaks into the rehab room and starts doing the exercises on her own, determined to prove she can still perform. She overexerts herself and gets hurt.
Essence: Mary’s overexertion due to her determination.
Conflict: Her ambition versus her physical limitations.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of losing her career drives her to push too hard.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will realize her limits. We fear she will injure herself further.

23. INT. ELDERLY HOME, CHAPEL – DAY
Vince and Dieter are present in the chapel. Mary, having pushed herself too hard, arrives in a wheelchair with Enrique. Mary tries to stand and perform but is visibly struggling. Dieter sees this and says she has to be healthy before discussing a contract renewal. He leaves, and Vince insists that Mary focus on getting better before stressing over a new program.
Essence: Mary faces the consequences of overexertion.
Conflict: Mary’s desire to impress Dieter versus her physical condition.
Subtext: The physical manifestation of Mary’s internal struggle and desperation.
Hope/Fear: We hope Dieter will see Mary’s potential despite her condition. We fear her current state will delay the contract.

Scene Arc: From Mary restarting her rehab to being replaced by a young singer.

24. INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
Mary watches Dieter and Vince leaving; Vince does not turn around. When Mary turns around, she notices through the glass windows that children are laughing at Sophie when she is presenting something in the classroom. Then Sophie sits on her own.
Essence: Mary observes the impact of her absence on Sophie and Vince's departure.
Conflict: Mary’s sense of abandonment and isolation versus her realization of Sophie’s struggle.
Subtext: Mary’s growing connection to Sophie and awareness of her own vulnerability.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will find a way to reconnect with Sophie. We fear she will feel more isolated and abandoned.

25. MONTAGE 1: Mary's Struggles and Observations

INT. ELDERLY HOME, DINING ROOM – DAY
Mary sits unhappy in front of her plate, alone at a table.

INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY
Hortense asks Mary if she has family; Mary denies it and is annoyed.

INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – NIGHT
Mary, still hungry, sneaks into the kitchen at night and finds some food in the fridge.

INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
Mary unmotivatedly works on her rehab exercises with Enrique. Enrique tries to cheer her up by incorporating stage performance moves.

INT. ELDERLY HOME, LOUNGE – DAY
Mary calls Vince, but he does not pick up the phone. Then, Mary reluctantly joins other residents in playing cards.

INT. ELDERLY HOME, CHAPEL – DAY
Mary sits alone in the chapel, staring into the burning candle.
Essence: Mary’s struggle to adapt to her new environment and her observation of Sophie’s difficulties.
Conflict: Mary’s internal battle between resisting and accepting her new life versus the challenges Sophie faces.
Subtext: Mary’s denial of her situation and her growing empathy for Sophie, who is also alone.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds a way to adapt and connect with others. We fear she will continue to feel isolated and unhappy.

26. INT. ELDERLY HOME, LIBRARY – DAY
Mary does not want to tell stories; she wants Sophie to tell her something. Sophie tells Mary that her classmates made fun of her drawings. Mary encourages Sophie to be more confident and assertive despite the teasing. She admits that she loves Sophie’s drawings of her stories.
Essence: Mary mentors Sophie in confidence.
Conflict: Sophie’s hurt feelings versus Mary’s encouragement.
Subtext: Mary’s own experiences with criticism.
Hope/Fear: We hope Sophie gains confidence. We fear she might remain discouraged.

27. MONTAGE 2: Mary's Growing Bond with Sophie and Recovery

INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
Mary makes progress and dares to take cool steps with Enrique.

INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – NIGHT
Mary sneaks into the kitchen to get some food. Julia, the kitchen aid, surprises her and makes her some extra food.

INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – DAY
Mary lies on her bed, pretending to sleep. Sophie sneaks in to bring one of her drawings. Sophie discovers Hortense’s denture in the glass and thinks it looks funny. She takes it out. Mary can’t believe her eyes.

INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
Later, Mary observes how Sophie uses the denture and gets the other kids to laugh. Mary laughs too.

INT. ELDERLY HOME, CHAPEL – DAY
Mary is in the chapel on her own, singing.
Essence: Mary’s recovery process and her deepening bond with Sophie.
Conflict: Mary’s struggle to recover and engage with her environment versus her growing attachment to Sophie.
Subtext: Mary’s increasing acceptance of her situation and the impact of her influence on Sophie.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s recovery and bond with Sophie continue to strengthen. We fear any setbacks in her recovery or disruptions in her bond with Sophie.

28. INT. ELDERLY HOME, REHAB ROOM – DAY
Mary is doing really well. Enrique thinks it’s finally time for Mary to start to rehearse again.
Essence: Mary’s readiness to rehearse.
Conflict: Mary’s excitement versus the potential risks.
Subtext: Mary’s determination to return to the stage.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s rehearsals go well. We fear she might push herself too hard.

29. INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Mary surprises Placid, who is embarrassed when she catches him watching a ballet performance. Mary says Enrique has given her the green light and she would like to surprise Vince with the good news. She says, “I’m invited to a wedding,” making it clear she needs permission to go. Placid gets the insider joke and lets Mary go.
Essence: Mary requests permission to leave.
Conflict: Mary’s request versus Placid’s rules.
Subtext: Mary’s playful approach and Placid’s hidden passion.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid allows Mary to go. We fear he might refuse.

30. INT. VINCE’S HOME – DAY
Mary arrives at Vince’s home, nicely dressed and bringing flowers. She is shocked to discover Vince singing with a younger singer. Vince and Mary argue until Vince admits that Dieter told him to look for a younger singer if he wants to continue with a weekly show in his bar.
Essence: Mary confronts Vince about being replaced.
Conflict: Mary’s shock and anger versus Vince’s pragmatism.
Subtext: Mary’s fear of being replaced and losing her relevance.
Hope/Fear: We hope Vince explains the situation clearly. We fear this will create a rift between them.

Scene Arc: From Mary being on her own to reinventing herself.

31. INT. CAB – NIGHT
Mary, emotionally distraught, takes a cab back to the elderly home. The cab driver is oblivious to her pain and makes light-hearted conversation, exacerbating her feelings of isolation and hurt.
Essence: Mary’s emotional pain sets in during the cab ride.
Conflict: Mary’s internal struggle versus the driver’s obliviousness.
Subtext: Mary’s feeling of isolation and the insensitivity of others.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can hold herself together. We fear the driver’s comments will worsen her emotional state.

32. INT. ELDERLY HOME, EMPTY CORRIDORS – NIGHT
Mary walks through the empty corridors of the elderly home, the silence amplifying her sense of loneliness and despair. The dark and empty hallways reflect her internal state.
Essence: Mary’s loneliness and internal struggle.
Conflict: Mary’s feelings of abandonment and isolation.
Subtext: The emptiness of the corridors mirrors Mary’s emotional void.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds solace. We fear she will succumb to her despair.

33. INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – NIGHT
Mary destroys a picture of her and Vince, venting her frustration and pain. She then looks around the room and notices the pictures of Marlene Dietrich. Hortense wakes up and tells Mary that her breaking her hip is just like Marlene Dietrich’s experience, planting the idea in Mary’s mind.
Essence: Mary’s emotional breakdown and the birth of a new idea.
Conflict: Mary’s despair versus the spark of inspiration from Hortense’s comment.
Subtext: The parallel between Mary and Marlene Dietrich.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds solace and inspiration. We fear she might remain stuck in her despair.

2.3. MIDPOINT

Scene Arc: From Mary announcing her comeback to discovering her son

34. INT. ELDERLY HOME, GARDEN – DAY
Essence: Mary discusses her comeback idea (Marlene program) with Faye, who encourages her and agrees to write an article under Mary's maiden name.
Conflict: Mary's excitement about the new program versus the uncertainty of its success.
Essence: Mary’s reinvention and sharing of her new vision.
Conflict: Mary’s excitement about the new program versus the uncertainty of its success.
Subtext: Mary’s transformation and Faye’s support.
Hope/Fear: We hope Faye supports Mary’s idea and helps her get it out. We fear the challenges that lie ahead.

35. INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Mary presents Faye's article to Placid and asks to use the multipurpose room for rehearsals.
Essence: Mary asks Placid to use the multipurpose room for rehearsals. Placid misunderstands and thinks it's a concert for the elderly home.
Conflict: Placid denies Mary’s request, saying it's reserved for internal occasions, leading to Mary’s frustration.
Subtext: Mary’s desperation to reclaim her career versus the institutional constraints and her realization of the limitations imposed by the elderly home.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid allows Mary to use the multipurpose room. We fear he will misunderstand and refuse her request. We hope Mary finds another way to rehearse. We fear she will be demoralized by the refusal.

36. INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – NIGHT
Mary looks for a remote place to rehearse and finds Julia in the kitchen.
Essence: Mary seeks out a remote place to rehearse and encounters Julia.
Conflict: Julia wants a drinking partner, but Mary wants to stay away from alcohol.
Subtext: Mary’s struggle with her past dependence on alcohol and her determination to stay sober.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can find a place to rehearse without compromising her sobriety. We fear Julia’s influence might lead her back to drinking.

37. INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – NIGHT (BACKSTORY)
Mary tells Julia about her difficult times and why she can’t have alcohol.
Essence: Mary confides in Julia about her past struggles with alcohol.
Conflict: Mary’s need for a rehearsal space versus her past struggles with alcohol.
Subtext: Mary’s vulnerability and the strength it takes to stay sober.
Hope/Fear: We hope Julia understands and supports Mary. We fear this might strain their relationship.

38. INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – NIGHT
Hortense tells Mary that her son was here and looking for her.
Essence: Hortense informs Mary that her son was looking for her.
Conflict: Mary’s emotional turmoil about her son’s visit.
Subtext: Mary’s unresolved issues with her family and her feelings of abandonment.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can reconcile with her past and her son. We fear this will add to her emotional burden.

Scene Arc: From Mary proudly announcing her upcoming concert to Robert suggesting she retire gracefully

39. INT. ELDERLY HOME, CAFETERIA – DAY
Mary meets Robert and tries to impress him with her upcoming show. Sophie approaches Mary to meet before the Book Buddy Club, but Mary sends her away because she is with her son. Vince arrives with flowers to apologize, but Mary rejects Vince and his flowers.
Essence: Mary is rejecting Robert, Sophie, and Vince in her effort to focus on impressing her son with her upcoming concert.
Conflict: Robert wants to connect emotionally, but Mary focuses on impressing him. Sophie and Vince are also rejected in her pursuit.
Subtext: Mary’s need to justify her past decisions and impress her son, while struggling to balance her personal life and career ambitions.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary will connect with Robert and gain his support. We fear she will alienate him by focusing solely on her career. We also fear Sophie and Vince will feel neglected.

40. INT. ELDERLY HOME, CAFETERIA – DAY
Mary has to leave to join the Book Buddy Club with Sophie. Robert and Vince feel rejected and disconnected from Mary. Robert and Vince meet for the first time. Placid comes by, and Vince gives him the flowers because Mary does not want them.
Essence: Mary’s obligation to Sophie disrupts her time with Robert, while Vince and Robert bond over their shared rejection by Mary.
Conflict: Mary’s commitment to the Book Buddy Club versus Robert’s desire for her attention. Vince’s attempt to reconcile with Mary is thwarted.
Subtext: The tension between Mary’s professional and personal responsibilities, and the mutual understanding between Vince and Robert.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can manage both commitments. We fear Robert will feel neglected. We hope the encounter leads to a better understanding between Vince and Robert, but we fear it will create more tension.

41. INT. ELDERLY HOME, BOOK BUDDY CLUB – DAY
Mary, excited about her show, asks Sophie about social media. Sophie tells Mary to focus on her son and not the concert.
Essence: Mary seeks Sophie’s advice on social media for her show, but Sophie advises Mary to prioritize her son.
Conflict: Sophie is upset about being neglected earlier, and Mary’s excitement about the concert versus Sophie’s advice.
Subtext: Mary’s focus on her career versus Sophie’s need for attention, and the balance between Mary’s career and her personal relationships.
Hope/Fear: We hope Sophie will help Mary. We fear Sophie’s feelings of neglect will affect their interaction. We hope Mary will take Sophie’s advice. We fear she will disregard it.

42. INT. ELDERLY HOME, ROOM – NIGHT
Mary makes videos of herself.
Essence: Mary prepares for her concert by making promotional videos.
Conflict: Mary’s determination to succeed versus her emotional turmoil.
Subtext: Mary’s need to prove herself through her career.
Hope/Fear: We hope the videos will help her concert. We fear her efforts will be in vain.

43. INT. ELDERLY HOME, DOUBLE ROOM – NIGHT
Robert comes back and proposes that Mary retire gracefully, offering financial support. Mary is devastated, saying artists don’t retire, they just die. Robert points out that she doesn’t even have a location for the show yet.
Essence: Robert suggests Mary retire, misunderstanding her need to perform.
Conflict: Mary’s need to perform versus Robert’s offer of financial support.
Subtext: The deep misunderstanding between Mary and Robert about her career and identity.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can convey her passion for performing to Robert. We fear this suggestion will hurt their relationship.

ACT 3
3.1. RETHINKING

Scene Arc: From Mary renting the concert space from Dieter to facing the setback of a negative article.

44. INT. CONCERT CLUB, OFFICE – DAY
Mary meets Dieter to rent the concert club. Dieter is skeptical about Mary’s ability to afford the rental fee. Mary calls Robert to confirm financial support, but Robert refuses to pay for the concert bar. Determined, Mary decides to save money by going to the cheaper hairdresser at the elderly home instead of her usual expensive salon.
Essence: Mary negotiates with Dieter to rent the concert club and seeks financial support from Robert, ultimately deciding to make personal sacrifices to secure the venue.
Conflict: Dieter is uncertain if Mary can afford the rental fee, and Robert refuses to support Mary’s rental financially, leaving her to find a solution.
Subtext: Mary’s determination to prove herself and secure a venue for her comeback despite financial constraints and lack of support from her son.
Hope/Fear: We hope Dieter agrees to rent the club to Mary despite financial concerns. We fear Robert’s refusal will jeopardize her plans. We hope Mary’s decision to save money helps her secure the venue. We fear it might not be enough.

45. INT. ELDERLY HOME, MARY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Mary reads an article by Faye in the local newspaper that trashes her social media presence and implies that the upcoming show might not meet expectations.
Essence: Mary faces a setback with the negative article about her social media presence.
Conflict: Mary’s confidence is shaken by the negative article.
Subtext: The challenges and opposition Mary faces in her comeback journey.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary can overcome this setback. We fear it might derail her plans.

Scene Arc: From Mary Refusing to Perform at Elderly Home to Having All Tickets Sold

46. INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Crisis conference with Placid, Vince, and Robert offer Mary the multipurpose room for her concert to help her after the negative article and save a lot of money. Mary refuses, stating she wants a "real" audience and not to play for the elderly and children. Mary leaves the room determined to go ahead with her original plan.
Essence: Mary rejects the offer of the multipurpose room, insisting on performing for a "real" audience.
Conflict: Mary’s determination to perform for a "real" audience versus Placid, Vince, and Robert’s attempt to help her.
Subtext: Mary’s desperation to reclaim her career and not settle for less.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s determination will lead to success. We fear her refusal might isolate her further.

47. INT. ELDERLY HOME, OFFICE – DAY
After Mary left, Robert and Vince insist that Placid help them prevent Mary from performing, trying to stop her from rehearsing.
Essence: Robert and Vince attempt to prevent Mary from performing by seeking Placid’s help.
Conflict: Robert and Vince’s protective instincts versus Mary’s determination.
Subtext: The struggle between Mary’s autonomy and the protective efforts of those around her.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid will find a way to support Mary. We fear their interference might derail her plans.

48. INT. ELDERLY HOME, CORRIDOR TO KITCHEN – NIGHT
Placid stays late at the elderly home, searching for where Mary is rehearsing. He finds the kitchen and is surprised by how many residents are outside in the corridor, enjoying Mary’s rehearsal without her knowing. Placid is hesitant—should he stop Mary or continue to support her in his own way? To everybody’s surprise: Placid starts dancing (a bit like Christopher Walken in "Weapon of Choice"), and the elderly are amazed.
Essence: Placid discovers the positive impact of Mary’s rehearsals on the residents and decides to support her in his own way.
Conflict: Placid’s hesitation to support Mary openly versus the evident joy of the residents.
Subtext: Placid’s internal conflict about supporting Mary’s efforts and his shift from skepticism to support.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid will see the value in Mary’s performance. We fear he will still try to stop her. We hope Placid’s support will encourage Mary. We fear his hesitation might still hold him back.

49. INT. ELDERLY HOME, MARY’S ROOM – DAY
Mary gets the news from Dieter that all the tickets are sold.
Essence: Mary learns that all the tickets for her concert are sold.
Conflict: Mary’s initial doubts versus the overwhelming support she receives.
Subtext: The validation of Mary’s efforts and determination.
Hope/Fear: We hope this news boosts Mary’s confidence. We fear she might still face obstacles ahead.

3.2. NEW PLAN

Scene Arc: From Mary Doing Final Rehearsals to Realizing That Placid Bought All the Tickets

50. INT. ELDERLY HOME, ENRIQUE'S REHAB – DAY
Mary rehearses with Enrique, including a costume selection. Mary is annoyed by her Marlene-wig.
Essence: Mary prepares for her concert with Enrique’s help, expressing her annoyance with the wig.
Conflict: Mary’s determination to perfect her performance versus the need for a flawless appearance.
Subtext: Mary’s dedication to her comeback and her anxiety about every detail being perfect.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s rehearsal goes smoothly. We fear something will go wrong with her preparations.

51. INT. ELDERLY HOME, HAIRDRESSER – DAY
Mary goes to the in-house hairdresser to get the perfect blonde Marlene hair instead of the wig. The hairdresser does something wrong. We see Mary and the hairdresser’s shocking reaction but not what it is. As a solution to hide the catastrophe, Mary puts back on the Marlene-wig.
Essence: Mary seeks to complete her look with the perfect hairstyle, but the hairdresser’s mistake leads to a desperate search for a solution.
Conflict: The hairdresser’s attempt to achieve the perfect look versus the possibility of making a mistake and Mary’s increasing anxiety.
Subtext: Mary’s need for perfection and the pressure she puts on herself, struggling with unexpected setbacks and her fear of not being perfect.
Hope/Fear: We hope the hairdresser succeeds in giving Mary the perfect hairstyle. We fear the hairdresser will make a mistake and Mary’s appearance will be ruined.

3.3. HUGE FAILURE

52. INT. ELDERLY HOME, HORTENSE'S ROOM – DAY
Mary goes to Hortense to cry about the hair disaster. But Hortense, in bad shape, says it’s her last wish to see Mary perform. Mary discovers a ticket to her concert on Hortense’s night table. Hortense tells Mary that Placid bought tickets for everyone in the elderly home.
Essence: Mary seeks comfort from Hortense after the hair disaster and discovers that Placid bought all the tickets. Hortense is in bad shape.
Conflict: Mary’s need for emotional support versus Hortense’s declining health.
Subtext: Mary’s vulnerability and the comfort she finds in Hortense’s presence. The truth behind the sold-out concert.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary finds solace in Hortense. We fear Hortense’s health will worsen.

Scene Arc: From Mary Attempting to Cancel the Concert to Hortense's Death.

53. INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
Mary calls Dieter to cancel the concert. Dieter refuses because he is happy to have a sold-out house and suggests her program might be a success for other elderly homes as well.
Essence: Mary attempts to cancel the concert but faces resistance from Dieter.
Conflict: Mary’s desire to cancel the concert versus Dieter’s insistence on keeping the sold-out show.
Subtext: Mary’s doubts and fears about the concert’s success and her ability to perform.
Hope/Fear: We hope Dieter’s encouragement will reassure Mary. We fear his refusal might increase her anxiety.

54. INT. ELDERLY HOME, KITCHEN – DAY
Mary sneaks into the kitchen, where Julia hides her drinks. Mary contemplates taking a bottle and eventually gets the bottle.
Essence: Mary struggles with the temptation of alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Conflict: Mary’s need to stay sober versus the temptation to drink.
Subtext: Mary’s internal battle with her past dependence on alcohol and her current stress.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary resists the temptation. We fear she might relapse.

55. INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLAZA – DAY
On her way back to her room, Sophie throws a ball at her. Mary is apathetic and does not really respond. Sophie mentions she is also coming to the concert tomorrow, along with some other kids. Mary freezes.
Essence: Mary’s struggle with her decision to drink and the impact of Sophie’s words.
Conflict: Mary’s internal conflict about drinking versus her concern for Sophie’s expectations.
Subtext: Mary’s awareness of the influence she has on Sophie and the importance of being a role model.
Hope/Fear: We hope Sophie’s words will dissuade Mary from drinking. We fear Mary’s apathy might lead her to make a poor decision.

56. INT. ELDERLY HOME, MARY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Just as Mary is about to take a drink in her room, she realizes that Hortense has died. The shock causes her to drop the bottle, which gets destroyed as it hits the floor.
Essence: Mary is confronted with Hortense’s death at a critical moment, leading to an emotional grounding and recovery.
Conflict: Mary’s intention to drink versus the shock of Hortense’s death.
Subtext: The sudden confrontation with mortality and its impact on Mary’s perspective.
Hope/Fear: We hope Hortense’s death will serve as a wake-up call for Mary. We fear the emotional toll it will take on her.

ACT 4
4.1. CLIMAX

Scene Arc: From Refusing to Perform for the Elderly to Deciding to Perform

57. INT. ELDERLY HOME, PLACID’S OFFICE – DAY
Mary tells Placid she can’t perform. Placid insists she must because death is part of life and emphasizes the positive impact her rehearsals have had on the residents. He reveals that Robert and Vince wanted to stop her from performing and that he bought the tickets himself, believing in the importance of her art. He shares his own backstory about being prevented from pursuing his passions due to being too small and wants to ensure Mary doesn’t suffer similarly. Outraged to learn Robert and Vince were behind Faye’s article, Mary must choose between giving up or proving her worth. She decides to prove them wrong.
Essence: Mary struggles with the idea of performing, while Placid insists on the importance of her art for the elderly.
Conflict: Mary’s reluctance to perform versus Placid’s insistence on the significance of her performance.
Subtext: The deeper connection between life, death, and the importance of art in enriching lives.
Hope/Fear: We hope Placid’s words will resonate with Mary. We fear Mary will continue to refuse.

58. INT. ELDERLY HOME, MARY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Sophie, feeling neglected by Mary, looks for her and sneaks into her room. She finds Hortense’s denture glass empty, indicating she has taken it. Sophie exchanges Mary’s show clothes, following Mary’s earlier advice that surprising people is always effective.
Essence: Sophie’s actions reflect her understanding of Mary’s advice and her own need for connection.
Conflict: Sophie’s feelings of neglect versus her desire to connect with Mary.
Subtext: The impact of Mary’s actions on those around her and the importance of meaningful connections.
Hope/Fear: We hope Sophie’s actions bring her closer to Mary. We fear this might create more tension

Scene Arc: From Mary Preparing Backstage to Performing Without Costumes in the Dark

59. INT. CONCERT CLUB, BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Mary gets ready backstage, just like at the beginning of the story. She wants to put on her Marlene Dietrich performance clothes but realizes they have been exchanged. Vince comes to wish Mary good luck and notices her distress. Mary asks Vince to cut the electricity to avoid being seen without her proper costume. Vince says that means that there will be no music.
Essence: Mary faces an unexpected wardrobe crisis and seeks a desperate solution.
Conflict: Mary’s need to be perfectly dressed for her performance versus the reality of her clothes being exchanged and the technical challenge of cutting electricity.
Subtext: The pressure of meeting expectations and the fear of failure. Mary’s reliance on external appearances to validate her talent.
Hope/Fear: We hope Vince can help Mary find a solution. We fear cutting the electricity might create more problems and ruin the show.

60. INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
In the dark, Mary stands on the stage and announces she will perform a cappella because there is no current. Vince goes to the piano to accompany her. They perform together.
Essence: Mary’s performance becomes a testament to her raw talent and resilience.
Conflict: Mary’s initial fear and vulnerability versus her eventual strength and adaptability. The challenge of performing without technical support.
Subtext: The power of inner strength and the ability to turn challenges into opportunities. Mary’s realization that her talent is enough.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s a cappella performance will be well-received. We fear the audience might not appreciate the impromptu change.

Scene Arc: From Mary Being Marlene to Becoming Mary

61. INT. CONCERT CLUB, BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Mary is in her element. Robert, watching from backstage, decides to turn the power back on to fully reveal Mary to the audience, showing his support for her true self.
Essence: Robert acknowledges Mary’s dedication and takes action to support her.
Conflict: Robert’s initial skepticism versus his newfound understanding and support for Mary.
Subtext: The shift from doubt to support, highlighting the power of belief in someone’s potential.
Hope/Fear: We hope Robert’s decision to turn the power back on will enhance Mary’s performance. We fear it might disrupt the flow and surprise Mary.

62. INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
The lights come on, and everyone sees Mary in her usual clothes, with no make-up. Mary is initially shocked. Mary takes off her Marlene wig, revealing her purple hair. The audience, now seeing her true self, cheers even louder, screaming her name, "Mary!"
Essence: Mary’s true self is celebrated and embraced by the audience.
Conflict: Mary’s initial shock and vulnerability versus her inner strength and dedication to her art.
Subtext: The triumph of inner beauty and talent over external appearances.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary’s decision to continue will resonate with the audience. We fear she might lose confidence and falter.

Scene Arc: From Mary Craving Applause to Stage Diving and Feeling Supported

4.2. RESOLUTION

63. INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
Mary is performing and reveling in the applause. Then Mary tells the audience to stop applauding and put their hands up. Mary stands at the edge of the stage and does a stage dive.
Essence: Mary seeks deeper connection beyond applause, making a bold move to engage with the audience.
Conflict: Mary’s desire for genuine connection versus the audience’s initial expectation of a traditional performance.
Subtext: The emptiness of superficial validation and the courage to seek true support.
Hope/Fear: We hope the audience understands and supports her. We fear they might be confused or disengaged.

64. INT. CONCERT CLUB, STAGE – NIGHT
Mary is caught by the audience and everybody who is dear to her: Robert, Vince, Placid, Sophie, Dieter, Enrique, the elderly, etc. The audience is holding her up and letting her float, providing true support and connection.
Essence: Mary experiences true support and connection from her audience.
Conflict: Mary’s initial fear of rejection versus the overwhelming support from the audience.
Subtext: The fulfillment that comes from genuine human connection and support.
Hope/Fear: We hope Mary feels validated and supported. We fear the moment might not last.

THE END

CHATGTP Analysis and comments

ACT 1
1.1. Opening
Scenes:
Mary prepares for a performance.
Olivia interrupts preparations; Mary is upset.

Analysis: These scenes effectively set up Mary’s fear of aging and career desperation. They establish her relationship with Olivia and introduce Vince as a supportive character.

1.2. Inciting Incident
Scenes:
Mary performs, worries about her career, falls off stage.

Analysis: This incident is crucial as it physically incapacitates Mary, forcing her into the main plot of rehabilitation.

Scene Arc: From Mary getting rehab diagnoses to escaping hospital
Scenes:
Mary’s diagnosis and refusal to accept it.
Mary’s discomfort in the hospital and eventual escape.

Analysis: These scenes highlight Mary’s denial and set up her struggle against the reality of her situation. It also introduces Vince’s concern.

Scene Arc: From Mary “going back to normal” to arriving at the elderly home
Scenes:
Mary insists on focusing on her career despite injury.
Vince pressures her to start rehab.
Mary realizes she will be staying at an elderly home.

Analysis: These scenes effectively transition Mary into the new setting, establishing her resistance to the elderly home.

ACT 2
1.3. Turning Point
Scene Arc: From Mary expecting to do rehab to “reading books” to a child
Scenes:
Mary is shown around the elderly home.
Placid introduces Mary to the rules.
Placid assigns Mary to read to Sophie.
Mary tells stories to Sophie using confusing language.

Analysis: These scenes introduce Mary to her new environment and responsibilities. Sophie’s introduction is key to Mary’s eventual emotional growth.

Scene Arc: From checking into a double room to attending Olivia’s funeral
Scenes:
Mary is shown her new room, meets Hortense.
Vince and Mary attend Olivia’s funeral.

Analysis: These scenes solidify Mary’s new reality and the challenges she faces.

2.1. New Plan
Scene Arc: From setting up a test performance to delaying the contract
Scenes:
Mary reconnects with Faye at Olivia’s funeral.
Mary negotiates with Dieter.
Mary tries to overdo rehab.
Placid refuses Mary’s request to use the multipurpose room, offers chapel instead.
Mary rehearses in the chapel, drawing attention.
Mary overexerts herself in the rehab room.
Mary tries to perform for Dieter, who delays the contract.

Analysis: These scenes show Mary’s struggle to reclaim her career and the physical and emotional setbacks she faces.

Scene Arc: From Mary restarting her rehab to being replaced by a young singer
Scenes:
Mary watches Vince leave and sees Sophie’s struggles.
Montage showing Mary’s isolation and struggles.
Mary mentors Sophie.
Montage showing Mary’s bond with Sophie and progress in rehab.
Mary requests permission to leave.
Mary discovers Vince with a younger singer.

Analysis: These scenes emphasize Mary’s emotional journey, her growing bond with Sophie, and her fear of being replaced.

2.2. New Plan in Action
Scene Arc: From Mary announcing her comeback to discovering her son
Scenes:
Mary announces her comeback idea to Faye.
Mary presents the idea to Placid.
Mary looks for a place to rehearse and meets Julia.
Mary confides in Julia about her past struggles.
Hortense tells Mary her son was looking for her.

Analysis: These scenes show Mary’s determination and the emotional hurdles she faces, including her strained family relationships.

2.3. Midpoint
Scene Arc: From Mary proudly announcing her upcoming concert to Robert suggesting she retire gracefully
Scenes:
Mary meets Robert, Sophie, and Vince in the cafeteria.
Mary joins the Book Buddy Club.
Mary makes videos of herself.
Robert suggests Mary retire.

Analysis: These scenes further develop Mary’s relationships and her struggle to balance personal and professional life.

ACT 3
3.1. Rethinking
Scene Arc: From Mary renting the concert space from Dieter to facing the setback of a negative article
Scenes:
Mary negotiates with Dieter.
Mary reads a negative article about herself.

Analysis: These scenes show Mary’s external struggles and internal doubts.

Scene Arc: From Mary Refusing to Perform at Elderly Home to Having All Tickets Sold
Scenes:
Crisis conference about the concert.
Mary rejects help and insists on performing for a real audience.
Placid discovers the positive impact of Mary’s rehearsals.
Mary learns all tickets are sold.

Analysis: These scenes show Mary’s determination and the growing support she gains.

3.2. New Plan
Scene Arc: From Mary Doing Final Rehearsals to Realizing That Placid Bought All the Tickets
Scenes:
Mary rehearses with Enrique.
Mary’s hairdresser mishap.
Mary seeks comfort from Hortense and discovers Placid bought all the tickets.

Analysis: These scenes show Mary’s final preparations and emotional journey.

3.3. Huge Failure
Scene Arc: From Mary Attempting to Cancel the Concert to Hortense's Death
Scenes:
Mary tries to cancel the concert.
Mary contemplates drinking but is stopped by Sophie’s words.
Mary finds Hortense dead, leading to emotional grounding.

Analysis: These scenes show Mary’s lowest point and her emotional recovery.

ACT 4
4.1. Climax
Scene Arc: From Refusing to Perform for the Elderly to Deciding to Perform
Scenes:
Placid convinces Mary to perform.
Sophie’s actions reflecting Mary’s advice.

Analysis: These scenes show Mary’s final decision and the impact she has on those around her.

Scene Arc: From Mary Preparing Backstage to Performing Without Costumes in the Dark

Scenes:
Mary’s wardrobe crisis and solution.
Mary performs a cappella.

Analysis: These scenes show Mary’s resilience and ability to adapt.

Scene Arc: From Mary Being Marlene to Becoming Mary
Scenes:
Robert supports Mary by turning the power back on.
Mary reveals her true self on stage.

Analysis: These scenes show Mary’s acceptance of her true self and the audience’s support.

4.2. Resolution
Scene Arc: From Mary Craving Applause to Stage Diving and Feeling Supported
Scenes:
Mary seeks a deeper connection with the audience.
Mary experiences true support and connection from the audience.

Analysis: These scenes show the culmination of Mary’s emotional journey and her acceptance by the audience and loved ones.

Overall, the scenes effectively capture Mary’s journey, but adding more depth to her interactions with the elderly and further exploring her emotional healing and family dynamics will create a more comprehensive and satisfying narrative arc.

Gaps/Issues to Address
Interactions with the Elderly: More scenes showing Mary’s interactions with other residents, highlighting her integration process.

Emotional Healing: Additional scenes that focus on Mary’s emotional healing and acceptance of her new life.

Family Dynamics: Further exploration of Mary’s relationship with her son and how it impacts her journey.

Career Resolution: Clearer resolution of Mary’s career and how she plans to move forward after the concert.

Sophie’s Development: More scenes showing Sophie’s growth and how Mary’s influence affects her.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Intriguing Moments
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: It was amazing to see, how many of the intrigues I got, AI came up with the same ones.

ACT 1:

1.1 Opening
Secret: Mary’s heavy use of makeup to hide her age and insecurities.
Intrigue: Mary is overly concerned about the contract, hinting at her desperation for validation and continuity in her career.
Scheme: Olivia’s reluctance to discuss the contract foreshadows a hidden agenda (Maybe she wants to hand Candy Club over to her son).
Hidden Identity: Vince’s overreaction to Mary’s drink shows he knows something about her past that the audience doesn't.

1.2 Inciting Incident
Surprise: Mary’s unexpected fall off the stage.
Intrigue: Mary’s dramatic complaints about the hospital suggest she’s used to a different lifestyle, hinting at past luxuries.
Covert Agenda: Why does Mary try different ways to advance quickly?
Mystery: Vince’s insistence on Mary’s rehab at the elderly home instead of her own home (maybe).

1.3 Turning Point
Hidden identity: Why does Vince know Placid?
Intrigue: How will Mary be able to adjust to the elderly home?
Mystery: What will happen with the Candy Club after Olivia’s death?

ACT 2:

2.1 New Plan
Hidden Identity: Sophie’s quiet observance hints she understands more about the adult world than she lets on.
Secret: Placid’s late-night dance practices.
Covert Agenda: Vince’s secret meetings with the new bar owner, Dieter.

2.2 Plan in Action
Secret: Mary’s overexertion in rehab hints at a deeper issue with proving her worth.
Superior Position: The audience knows about Mary’s injuries worsening, but she hides it from others.
Intrigue: Why is Dieter delaying the contract and what are his ambiguous intentions towards the Candy Club and its future?
Scheme: Vince’s attempts to sabotage Mary’s efforts by rehearsing with a younger singer.

2.3 Midpoint
Mystery: The significance of the Marlene Dietrich photo Mary finds.
Secret: Julia’s covert drinking habits and why Mary does not want to rehearse at the kitchen.
Hidden Identity: Robert’s revelation as Mary’s son, whom she gave up for adoption.

ACT 3:
3.1 Rethinking
Betrayal: Mary’s discovery of the critical article by Fanny, hinting at a larger plot against her.
Intrigue: The viral campaign and its unexpected backlash.
Secret: Placid’s suggestion to perform at the concert hall hides his true feelings about Mary’s talent.
Scheme: Vince’s role in orchestrating the bad press to manipulate Mary’s decisions.

3.2 New Plan
Success: Mary’s belief in her triumph when all tickets are sold.
Mystery: The unexplained generosity behind the ticket sales, despite the bad press.
Intrigue: Dieter’s vulnerability about living up to his father’s legacy.
Cover Up: The real reason behind the ticket sales, eventually revealed to be Placid’s doing.

3.3 Huge Failure
Betrayal: The revelation that Vince and Robert were behind the negative article.
Distress: Mary’s hair disaster before the performance.
Emotional Dilemma: Mary’s struggle to decide whether to perform in honor of Hortense.
Intrigue: The mystery surrounding Hortense’s life and her connection to Mary’s past.
Hidden identity: Placid is an artist manquée and does not want Vince and Robert to stop Mary from performing.
Intrigue: Will Hortense last wish be fulfilled?

ACT 4:

4.1 Climax
Surprise: Sophie’s costume swap, reflecting her growing influence.
Bonding: Vince’s unexpected support at the piano during Mary’s performance.
Bonding: Mary decides to perform for Hortense.
Secret revelation: Mary’s decision to perform without her elaborate costumes and makeup.
Success: The audience’s overwhelming positive reaction to Mary’s authentic performance.

4.2 Resolution
Love: Mary’s emotional reunion with her son during the final performance.
Courage: Mary’s embrace of her true self, symbolized by her purple hair.
Intrigue: The audience’s chant for “Mary,” signifying their acceptance.
Final Emotional Dilemma: Mary goes for dive instead of applause.
Surprise: Dieter’s father’s unexpected appreciation of Mary’s show, indicating a shift in the club’s future.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Emotional Moments
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It was interesting to see that some emotions, which I put as negative, AI proposed as different emotions, because I was more fixed on the emotions for the protagonist, while AI focused more on the emotion for the audience, which is correct. But the discrepancy made me think of the potential, of the emotional difference between what’s happening in the story and how it’s perceived by the audience.

ACT 1:
1.1 Opening
Hidden weakness: Mary is putting on too much make-up
Distress: Mary is stress out because Olivia did not bring the contract to be signed
Wound: When Mary is reaching out for a drink, Vince is overreaction, indicating that there is something wrong

1.2. Inciting Incident
Surprise: Mary falls off the stage
Distress: Mary suffers in the hospital the way she is treated, patronized like a small child
Courage: Mary tries to escape the hospital using a walker.
Betrayal: Vince brings her to the elderly home against her will

1.3 Turning Point
Distress: everything at the elderly home means distress to Mary

2.1 New Plan
Hidden weakness: Mary has to participate in Book Buddies club and read to a child
Wound: Mary has to share a room with Hortense
Emotional Dilemma: Mary attends Olivia’s funeral, torn between mourning her mentor and facing the future without her.

ACT 2:
2.2 Plan in action
Distress: Mary hurts herself by exercising too much
Distress: Dieter does not confirm the contract
Betrayal: Vince rehearses with a young singer, leading to an argument with Mary.
Bonding: Mary and Sophie sing in the chapel, strengthening their bond through music.
Distress: An elderly person died – memento mori

2.3 Midpoint
Excitement: Mary decides to do the solo program “Marlene.”
Hidden weakness: Julia drinks and she Mary has to withdraw from it
Wounds: Mary’s son, Robert, visits, revealing she gave him up for adoption long ago.
Excitement: Mary rents the Candy Club

ACT 3:
3.1 Rethinking
Betrayal: Mary discovers an article by Fanny who trashes her.

3.2 New Plan
Success: All the tickets are sold, despite the bad article

3.3 Huge Failure
Betrayal: Mary finds out that Placid bought all the tickets
Distress: Hortense is about to die
Betrayal: Mary finds out that Vince and Robert are behind the bad article
Emotional dilemma: do it for the living or honor Hortense
Distress: The hairdresser ruins her hair

ACT 4:
4.1 Climax:
Distress: Sophie takes away her costume
Surprise: Dieter’s tough father appreciates Mary’s show.
Bonding: Vince accompanies Mary at the piano
Sacrifice: Mary takes off her wig
Love: Mary’s son attends her final performance, leading to an emotional reunion.
Courage: Mary performs without heavy makeup and costumes, embracing her true self on stage.
Success/Winning: Mary’s final performance is a success, and the elderly residents catch and hold her up during a stage dive.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Reveals!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: the exercise made me realize how many reveals I got already, and it helped a lot by figuring out clearing, where and how they have to be setup. So far, I often had reveals without the proper setups, which gives away a lot of the surprise. There might be some more reveals to be added about.
Hortense’s son died long time ago in an accident
Enrique is not just a rehab instructor but also a break dancer
Maybe not enough reveals yet about Vince

1.2 Inciting Incident

Reveal 1:
Suspense: Mary falls off the stage.
Reveal: Mary wakes up in the hospital because she fractured her hip.
Set-up: Mary is anxious about the contract, which was not signed because Olivia forgot it.

Reveal 2:
Intrigue: With whom is Vince talking and where is he bringing her?
Reveal: Vince brings Mary to an elderly home to do rehab.
Set-up: Mary escape hospital.

1.3 Turning Point

Reveal 3:
Intrigue: What does a ball make at an elderly home?
Reveal: Mary has to read books to a kid at the Book Buddies program.
Set-Up: Mary gets hit by a ball in an elderly home

2.1 New Plan

Reveal 4:
Suspense: Will Mary’s wish get fulfilled?
Reveal: Mary has to share a double room with Hortense.
Set-up: Orientation scene at the elderly home.

2.2 Plan in action

Reveal 5:
Mystery: What does Olivia suffer from?
Reveal: Olivia dies.
Set-up: Opening scene where Olivia tells Mary, that she forgot the contract.

Reveal 6:
Mystery: Who is the guy who is so unemotional at Olivia’s grave?
Reveal: He is the new owner
Set-up: Dieter’s behavior at grave.

Reveal 7:
Intrigue: Who is singing with Vince?
Reveal: Vince rehearses with a young singer.
Set-up: Maybe some interaction between Vince and Dieter at the funeral.

Reveal 8:
Suspense: What is Mary doing next?
Reveal: Mary does a solo program “Marlene”.
Set-up: Mary’s inspiration from Hortense’s picture of Marlene Dietrich.

2.3 Midpoint

Reveal 9:
Mystery: Why has Mary a problem with Julia’s drinking?
Reveal: Mary had an alcohol problem because she felt guilty when she gave up her son for adoption.
Set-up: When Mary asks for a drink, Vince tries to prevent it at any means at the Candy Club.

Reveal 10:
Mystery: Who is the stranger who calls Mary “mother”?
Reveal: Mary has a son who just found her because she performs under her real name.
Set-up: Several times, when Mary answers aggressively to Hortense when she asks about family.

3.1 Rethinking

Reveal 11:
Intrigue: Why are there bad news about Mary?
Reveal: Mary tried a social media spot, which failed terribly.
Set-up: Sophie tells her in the Book Buddies club that it’s not the way to do it.

Reveal 12:
Mystery: Why did the journalist trash Mary’s social media attempt?
Reveal: Vince and her son Robert are behind the article because they want to prevent her from performing.
Set-up: not sure yet.

3.2 New Plan

Reveal 13:
Mystery: Why is the concert sold out, despite all the bad news?
Reveal: Mary’s concert is sold out.
Set-up: Dieter tells her.

3.3 Huge Failure

Reveal 14:
Intrigue: Who will be the audience?
Reveal: Placid bought all the tickets.
Set-up: Dying Hortense tells Mary that Placid invited everybody in the elderly home to her concert.

Reveal 15:
Intrigue: How will Mary get better?
Reveal: She gets worse because the hairdresser messes it up with dying her hair purple.
Set-up: The hairdresser makes mistakes before.

Reveal 16:
Suspense: Will Hortense be able to have her last wish fulfilled?
Reveal: Hortense dies.
Set-up: Hortense’s health issues, and her mentioning death often before her death.

4.1 Climax

Reveal 17:
Suspense: What does Mary do after Hortense’ death?
Reveal: Placid want Mary to perform because he wants her to win against Robert and Vince “age-biased” view and because he wants her to succeed because he is an artist manqué.
Set-up: Placid is secretly dancing when Mary performs in the kitchen, several hints of his hidden talents.

Reveal 18:
Intrigue: Will Mary perform without her costumes?
Reveal: Mary performs without her costumes, but she turns off the electricity.
Set-up: Early scene when Mary and Sophie get to know each other and Mary encourages Sophie to be more courageous (Sophie gets Hortense’s denture and Mary thinks it’s funny and encourages her to do daring things).

Reveal 19:
Suspense: What will happen if Mary does not have electricity to play her music?
Reveal: Vince steps in and play the piano.
Set-up: Vince’s redemption arc, his support for Mary’s authentic performance. Vince wants to make it good before but Mary refuses. Here, she lets him play the piano.

Reveal 20:
Suspense: What does Dieter do about Mary’s performance?
Reveal: Dieter enjoys it, after his tough father appreciates Mary’s show.
Set-up: Several moments showing Dieter’s pressure to impress his father, the father’s critical nature.

4.2 Resolution

Reveal 21:
Intrigue: Why does Mary want to applause to stop?
Reveal: Mary needs their hands not to clap, but to hold her for her not age-conform action.
Set-up: in the first scene Mary says, hands are here to clap and she mentions all the time that she craves applause.

Add-on
Reveal extra:
Intrigue: Why are Sophie’s drawings creating an outcry?
Reveal: Sophie drawing obscene things, because Mary talked about her jazz life using terms, which have double meanings.
Setups: When Mary does not want to read to Sophie and just talks about the early times, during act 2, at the beginning of Mary’s life at the elderly home.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Action Tracks!
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: It gave the opportunity to come up with great ideas for specific scenes, which elevates the entire story.

1.1 Opening
Backstage Candy Club
Mary puts on heavy “age-covering” make-up. Mary wants to renew the contract with bar owner Olivia for the next concert season, but Olivia wants to solve the issue after the concert.
Performance
Mary focuses on performing but is distracted by thoughts of the contract.
Encore
Olivia shouts if Mary wants a drink, and Vince advises against it, but Mary goes for the drink.

1.2 Inciting Incident
Fall
Mary falls off the stage while reaching for the drink.
Hospital
After the operation, the doctor explains that Mary needs intensive rehab for her hip fracture. Mary overly dramatic comp laints about the hospital food and accommodations.
Scene: Mary, in a hospital gown and with IV still attached, tries to escape the hospital using a wheelchair, dramatically complaining about the lack of glamour and luxury.
Impact: Showcases Mary’s defiance, humor, and her inability to accept her current reality.
Escape
Mary tries different ways to escape, showing her defiance and stubbornness. Then, Mary escapes the hospital with a walker.
Mary’s Home
Mary arrives at her home, where she bumps into Vince who takes care of her plants but refuses to rehearse if she does not do her rehab.

1.3 Turning Point
Elderly Home
Placid sets the rules for Mary, who has to share a room and participate in activities. Placid meticulously reviews the retirement home’s schedule and enforces strict rules on residents, showcasing his dedication to order.
Scene: During a private moment, Placid watches an old dance performance on TV and tears up, quickly composing himself when interrupted.
Impact: Highlights his emotional depth and the struggle to maintain his stoic exterior.
Book Buddies
Mary is assigned to read to Sophie in the Book Buddies program. Reluctantly mentoring Sophie, initially treating it as a nuisance. Gradually opening up to Sophie, sharing stories of her past, and starting to mentor her sincerely.
Mary’s Demands
Mary meets with Placid and demands preparation for her concert and a single room. Mary I is insisting on bringing glamorous stage costumes and makeup, clinging to her old life. Attempting to bribe or charm staff for better treatment. Refusing to participate in communal activities, making snarky comments about the other residents.
Orientation
Placid introduces house activities and rehab schedule; her room isn't ready.

2.1 New Plan
Introduction to Sophie
Placid assigns Mary to read to the shy girl Sophie at the Book Buddies club.
Scene: Sophie passively participates in a reading session with Mary, initially silent but deeply observant.
Impact: Sets the stage for her growth and eventual influence on Mary.
Reluctant Reader
Mary reads alone while Sophie draws.
Chapel Solution
Placid insists if Mary can sing, she can read to Sophie. Mary and Sophie go to the chapel to sing. Persuading Placid to let her use the chapel for singing practice, using her charm and persistence.
Scene: Placid secretly practices dance routines in his office late at night, ensuring no one sees his hidden passion.
Impact: Reveals his suppressed artistic side, contrasting sharply with his public persona.
Double Room Shock
Placid shows Mary her double room, which she shares with Hortense. Mary is shocked and asks to leave, but Placid states she can leave for a wedding or a funeral.
Hortense: “Do you have a family?”
Olivia’s Funeral
Mary and Vince attend Olivia’s funeral. Vince greets Dieter from far, revealing that he knows him.
Dieter: “This place needs a facelift. Out with the old, in with the new.”
Everyday life at Elderly home
Dressing up extravagantly for mundane activities, refusing to let go of her stage image. Creating dramatic scenes when things don’t go her way, seeking attention and validation.
Mocking or criticizing other residents’ performances in communal activities.
Sophie’s denture moment at Hortense’ room.
Scene: Enrique incorporates stage performance moves into Mary’s rehabilitation, aligning her recovery with her passion.
Impact: Provides professional support and integrates Mary’s love for performing into her healing process.

2.2 Plan in Action
Overexertion
Mary does extra rehab training, determined to prove she can still perform but overdoes it. Using setbacks as motivation to improve, showing her resilience and determination.
Surprise Visit
Dieter makes a surprise visit to see Mary and Vince perform, but Mary has to sit because of her injury. Dieter decides to wait on the contract renewal.
Hard Decision
Mary decides to stop extra training and rehearsal to heal.
Getting Involved
Mary spends more time with Sophie and other residents, playing cards.
Scene: Mary turns a mundane card game with the elderly into a high-stakes, glamorous event, complete with her own commentary and imaginary audience.
Impact: Displays her creativity and refusal to let go of her past life, while also starting to bond with the other residents in her unique way.
Feeling Better
Mary feels better and tells Placid she has a wedding to attend, planning to tell Vince personally to resume rehearsals.
Failed Wedding
Mary finds Vince rehearsing with a young singer, leading to an argument.
Desperation
Mary realizes she needs a new plan and destroys a picture of herself and Vince.
Confusion
Mary wanders around the elderly home, refusing invitations to play cards.
To Be or Not to Be
Mary sits alone in the chapel, contemplating her choices, and goes back to her room.

2.3 Midpoint
The Marlene Moment
Mary finds a Marlene Dietrich photo in Hortense's room and calls a journalist about her solo program.
Article Pitch
Mary shows Placid an article about her comeback and asks to use the concert hall. Placid assumes she wants to perform there, which Mary opposes.
Temptation
Mary considers rehearsing in the kitchen, near Julia, the kitchen aid who secretly drinks.
Determination
Mary decides to use the kitchen for rehearsals, determined to avoid drinking.
Son’s Visit
Mary’s son, Robert, visits, revealing she gave him up for adoption long ago.
Impressing Robert
Mary wants to impress Robert by bragging about her upcoming show.
Misalignment
Robert seeks a relationship, not career impressiveness.
Mary: “Artists don’t retire, they just die”.
Candy Club
Mary rents the Candy Club, thinking it will impress Robert.

3.1 Rethinking
Viral Campaign
Mary makes videos for viral marketing, which Vince and Robert share with the journalist.
Scene: Mary creates over-the-top, outdated viral marketing videos for her comeback, featuring exaggerated glamour and cheesy catchphrases.
Impact: Emphasizes her disconnect with the modern world and social media, adding comedic relief and setting up the journalist's critical article.
Negative Article
The journalist writes a critical piece about Mary’s viral campaign, hoping her show will be better.

3.2 New Plan
Placid’s Suggestion
Placid suggests performing at the concert hall, but Mary insists on the Candy Club.
Tickets Sold
Mary believes she’s victorious when Dieter announces all tickets are sold.
Scene: Dieter has a private moment of vulnerability, expressing his insecurities about living up to his father’s legacy.
Impact: Adds depth to his character, revealing the internal struggle beneath his arrogant exterior.

3.3 Huge Failure
Hortense’s Ticket
Hortense reveals Placid bought all the tickets, disappointing Mary.
Confrontation
Mary learns Vince and Robert were behind the negative article to protect her.

4.1 Climax
Torn Decision
Mary is torn between proving herself and performing for genuine appreciation.
Climax Decision
Mary decides to perform for the elderly, realizing they are her true audience.
Hortense’s Death
Mary uses Hortense’s death as an excuse not to perform. Placid insists she perform for the living. Mary decides to perform for the elderly, realizing they are her true audience.
Scene: Hortense’s death serves as a memento mori, reminding Mary of the inevitability of aging and the importance of living authentically.
Impact: Catalyzes a turning point in Mary’s transformation.
Costume Swap
Sophie swaps her costumes. Mary orders a power cut, performing in normal clothes with a wig. Vince supports her by accompanying on the piano.
Sophie: “You told me to believe in myself, Mary. Now it’s your turn.”
Electricity Restored
Someone restores power, revealing Mary in normal clothes. The audience chants "Marlene." When the light goes on, Placid dances in the back of the stage.

4.2 Resolution
Embracing True Self
Mary removes her wig, revealing purple hair. They audience chants “Mary”. Accepted by the audience, Mary takes a stage dive.
Scene: Mary removes her wig to reveal her purple hair, a mistake from an earlier attempt to dye it, and embraces her new look.
Impact: Marks her final acceptance of her true self and her age, turning a potential embarrassment into a statement of confidence and authenticity.
Scene: At the climax of her performance, Mary does a stage dive, and the elderly residents catch and hold her up, symbolizing their support and acceptance.
Impact: A powerful visual of her complete transformation and the deep bond she has formed with the residents, turning a typically rock-and-roll move into a touching moment.

• This reply was modified 11 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s New Outline Beats!
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting
What I learned from doing this assignment is: This exercise was a big help, because coming back from the ending and finding a way to have the ending working, was a big help to fill the plot holes between the middle and the ending. What a big help. I know, it’s not perfect yet, but I continue to uplift.

1.1 Opening
Backstage Candy Club
Mary puts on heavy “age-covering” make-up. Mary wants to renew the contract with bar owner Olivia for the next concert season, but Olivia wants to solve the issue after the concert.

Performance
Mary focuses on performing but is distracted by thoughts of the contract.

Encore
Olivia shouts if Mary wants a drink, and Vince advises against it, but Mary goes for the drink.

1.2 Inciting Incident
Fall
Mary falls off the stage while reaching for the drink.

Hospital
After the operation, the doctor explains that Mary needs intensive rehab for her hip fracture.

Escape
Mary escapes the hospital with a walker.

Mary’s Home
Mary arrives at her home, where she bumps into Vince who takes care of her plants but refuses to rehearse if she does not do her rehab.

1.3 Turning Point
Elderly Home
Placid sets the rules for Mary, who has to share a room and participate in activities.

Book Buddies
Mary is assigned to read to Sophie in the Book Buddies program.

Mary’s Demands
Mary meets with Placid and demands preparation for her concert and a single room.

Orientation
Placid introduces house activities and rehab schedule; her room isn't ready.

2.1 New Plan
Introduction to Sophie
Placid assigns Mary to read to the shy girl Sophie at the Book Buddies club.

Reluctant Reader
Mary reads alone while Sophie draws.

Chapel Solution
Placid insists if Mary can sing, she can read to Sophie. Mary and Sophie go to the chapel to sing.

Double Room Shock
Placid shows Mary her double room, which she shares with Hortense. Mary is shocked and asks to leave, but Placid states she can leave for a wedding or a funeral.

Olivia’s Funeral
Mary and Vince attend Olivia’s funeral.

2.2 Plan in Action
Overexertion
Mary does extra rehab training, determined to prove she can still perform but overdoes it.

Surprise Visit
Dieter makes a surprise visit to see Mary and Vince perform, but Mary has to sit because of her injury. Dieter decides to wait on the contract renewal.

Hard Decision
Mary decides to stop extra training and rehearsal to heal.

Getting Involved
Mary spends more time with Sophie and other residents, playing cards.

Feeling Better
Mary feels better and tells Placid she has a wedding to attend, planning to tell Vince personally to resume rehearsals.

Failed Wedding
Mary finds Vince rehearsing with a young singer, leading to an argument.

Desperation
Mary realizes she needs a new plan and destroys a picture of herself and Vince.

Confusion
Mary wanders around the elderly home, refusing invitations to play cards.

To Be or Not to Be
Mary sits alone in the chapel, contemplating her choices, and goes back to her room.

2.3 Midpoint

The Marlene Moment
Mary finds a Marlene Dietrich photo in Hortense's room and calls a journalist about her solo program.

Article Pitch
Mary shows Placid an article about her comeback and asks to use the concert hall. Placid assumes she wants to perform there, which Mary opposes.

Temptation
Mary considers rehearsing in the kitchen, near Julia, the kitchen aid who secretly drinks.

Determination
Mary decides to use the kitchen for rehearsals, determined to avoid drinking.

Son’s Visit
Mary’s son, Robert, visits, revealing she gave him up for adoption long ago.

Impressing Robert
Mary wants to impress Robert by bragging about her upcoming show.

Misalignment
Robert seeks a relationship, not career impressiveness.

Candy Club
Mary rents the Candy Club, thinking it will impress Robert.

3.1 Rethinking
Viral Campaign
Mary makes videos for viral marketing, which Vince and Robert share with the journalist.

Negative Article
The journalist writes a critical piece about Mary’s viral campaign, hoping her show will be better.

3.2 New Plan
Placid’s Suggestion
Placid suggests performing at the concert hall, but Mary insists on the Candy Club.

Tickets Sold
Mary believes she’s victorious when Dieter announces all tickets are sold.

3.3 Huge Failure
Hortense’s Ticket
Hortense reveals Placid bought all the tickets, disappointing Mary.

Confrontation
Mary learns Vince and Robert were behind the negative article to protect her.

4.1 Climax
Torn Decision
Mary is torn between proving herself and performing for genuine appreciation.

Climax Decision
Mary decides to perform for the elderly, realizing they are her true audience.

Hortense’s Death
Mary uses Hortense’s death as an excuse not to perform. Placid insists she perform for the living. Mary decides to perform for the elderly, realizing they are her true audience.

Costume Swap
Sophie swaps her costumes. Mary orders a power cut, performing in normal clothes with a wig. Vince supports her by accompanying on the piano.

Electricity Restored
Someone restores power, revealing Mary in normal clothes. The audience chants "Marlene."

4.2 Resolution
Embracing True Self
Mary removes her wig, revealing purple hair. They audience chants “Mary”. Accepted by the audience, Mary takes a stage dive.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.
What I learned doing this assignment is: It’s though, but I have to move forward even my beat sheet is not really perfect yet. I also realized it helps a lot to structure the story but it takes a lot of thinking and going back and forward. Sometimes I have issues between the structure beats and the story beats. I find sometimes easy to have a structure beat but I don’t know how to best translate it into a story beat.

BEGINNING: Mary puts up heavy make-up to hide her age.
Mary PJ 1: Mary wants to renew contract with the old bar owner Olivia for next season, but Olivia forgets contract because of her age.
Vince AJ 1: Mary wants a drink to celebrate the end of the season, but Vince refuses drink.
INCITING INCIDENT: When Mary reaches into the audience to get a drink, she falls off the stage.
Doc AJ 2: After the operation, the doctor explains to Mary, that she needs intensive rehab after her hip fracture.
Mary PJ 2: Mary escapes the hospital with walking chair.
Vince AJ 3: Arriving at Vince, he refuses to take care of Mary and brings her back to an elderly home for rehab.
TURNIN POINT 1: Placid, the director of the elderly home sets strict rules to participate in the elderly home, Mary wants a single room and Mary wants to rehearse.
Placid AJ 4: Placid says she can rehearse if she participates in the Book Buddy’s program.
PLAN IN ACTION: Mary hates the interaction at the elderly home: reading books to Sophie, singing in the chapel, where the elderly people sing along and clap their hands and share her room with Hortense.
Reveal: When Vince wants to get the new contract, Olivia has passed away.
Mary PJ 3: Mary overdoes her rehab training and hurts herself.
Reveal: Vince shows up with Dieter, the new bar owner as a surprise for the rehearsal, but Mary sits in wheel chair because of her over-exercise.
Reveal: Dieter reveals that he wants to wait with the contract.
Reveal: Mary makes a surprise visit at Vince’s place to discuss how to proceed, but she discovers that Vince is rehearsing with a young singer and Vince announces Mary that Dieter wants a younger singer – “just in case” she will not be fit.
2.1 NEW PLAN: Back home, Mary wants to figure out a new plan to get back on stage.
MIDPOINT: Placid proposes to Mary to do something with the elderly people from the home, but Mary wants to finally her solo program “Marlene” under her real name.
Reveal: Because Mary performs under her maiden name, her newly found son proposes Mary to retire gracefully (Artists don’t retire, they just die).
Robert AJ 5: Robert, Dieter and Vince scheme with a journalist, Mary asked to write a program review, to thrash Mary’s new performance.
Placid AJ 6: When Mary is destroyed after the critic, Placid offers Mary to perform at the elderly home but Mary does not want to perform for the elderly.
Mary PJ 4: Mary is overjoyed when her concert sells out.
HUGE FAILURE: Mary realizes that all the tickets got bought by Placid for the elderly people who are interested in Mary performing.
CLIMAX: Mary decides to go on stage to perform for the old ones.
RESOLUTION: Mary takes off her extra make-up and staffage on stage and become the real Mary.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Deeper Layer!
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: The process of writing back and forward with ChatGPT as a sounding board or a writers’ room to figure out a deeper layer. Very often, you don’t get the perfect answer, but you have to look for hints, which help to come up with better ideas. ChatGTP is sometimes not so much of an original creator, more of generator ideas, which in a next step leads to great original ideas.

Deeper Layer
Mary
Surface Layer: Mary is an aging jazz singer trying to reclaim her former glory after a stage accident. Deeper Layer: Mary's obsession with maintaining a youthful image and her fixation on Marlene Dietrich stem from a deep-seated fear of aging, irrelevance, and a troubled relationship with her son, paralleling Dietrich’s own life.
Major Reveal: Mary’s behavior is driven by a desire to live up to Marlene Dietrich’s legacy, who also faced a fall from grace after a stage accident. This obsession has estranged her from her son, similar to Dietrich’s strained relationship with her daughter.
Influences Surface Story: Mary’s attempts to emulate Marlene Dietrich influence her interactions with others, her approach to rehabilitation, and her performance plans. Her fear of irrelevance causes her to make drastic decisions to uphold her glamorous facade.
Hints:
Mary’s meticulous beauty rituals and reluctance to appear without makeup.
Conversations and flashbacks referencing Marlene Dietrich’s life and career.
Mary’s strained relationship with her son and her defensive reaction when compared to Dietrich.
Subtle comments about her being a “diva” and her unwillingness to show vulnerability.
Changes Reality: The realization that Mary’s obsession is rooted in her fear and unresolved issues with her son shifts the narrative from a simple comeback story to a deeper exploration of identity, legacy, and personal reconciliation. The audience sees Mary’s struggle not just as a battle against age but against the shadows of a legacy she feels compelled to honor.

Placid
Surface Layer: Placid is a highly disciplined and orderly director of the retirement home, known for his strict adherence to rules.
Deeper Layer: Placid’s hidden passion for dance and his past rejection from a dance academy due to his physical stature make him jealous and resentful of Mary’s artistic pursuits.
Major Reveal: Placid’s strictness and opposition to Mary stem from his own unresolved dreams and bitterness over his unfulfilled aspirations in dance.
Influences Surface Story: Placid’s rigidity and control over the retirement home environment clash with Mary’s creative spirit, intensifying their conflict.
Hints:
Placid’s secret dance practices when alone.
His emotional reactions to anything related to performing arts.
Flashbacks or subtle comments about his past aspirations and rejections.
Changes Reality: Understanding Placid’s motivations adds depth to his character and makes his opposition to Mary more nuanced, revealing his internal struggle between duty and passion.

Robert
Surface Layer: Robert is Mary’s overprotective son who believes she should retire and age gracefully. Deeper Layer: Robert’s overprotection is driven by his deep-seated resentment and emotional wounds from Mary’s neglect during his childhood.
Major Reveal: Robert’s protective nature is a mask for his unresolved anger and need for a mother figure, which he never had.
Influences Surface Story: His constant pressure on Mary to retire and his attempts to control her decisions create significant tension and conflict.
Hints:
Robert’s passive-aggressive comments about Mary’s career.
Flashbacks to his lonely childhood and moments of neglect.
His over-involvement in her life, reflecting his need for control.
Changes Reality: The revelation of Robert’s true feelings adds complexity to their relationship, highlighting themes of forgiveness and the impact of parental choices on children.

Vince
Surface Layer: Vince is Mary’s talented but insecure piano accompanist who dreams of achieving greatness but is constantly held back by his fear of conflict.
Deeper Layer: Vince’s pushover nature and ambition are driven by a childhood spent in poverty and a desire to escape his past.
Major Reveal: Vince’s behavior is a result of his upbringing, where conflict meant danger, and compliance was survival.
Influences Surface Story: His inability to assert himself causes friction with Mary and the new bar owner, complicating the journey to Mary’s comeback.
Hints:
Vince’s reluctance to challenge decisions even when they’re against his interests.
Flashbacks to his difficult childhood and moments of deprivation.
His moments of passive resistance that hint at his inner turmoil.
Changes Reality: Vince’s journey from compliance to assertiveness mirrors Mary’s struggle with her identity, adding a layer of parallel growth and self-discovery.

Dieter
Surface Layer: Dieter is the new, pretentious bar owner focused on modernizing the venue and increasing profits.
Deeper Layer: Dieter’s aggressive business tactics stem from his need to prove himself to his father, who disapproved of his career choice.
Major Reveal: Dieter’s drive for success and modernity is a reaction to his father’s constant criticism and pressure to uphold family traditions.
Influences Surface Story: His decisions to replace Mary and hire a journalist to trash her performance are rooted in his desperation for validation and fear of failure.
Hints:
Dieter’s references to his father’s expectations and comments about family legacy.
Flashbacks to moments of his father’s disapproval and pressure.
His overcompensation in business decisions, reflecting his need to prove himself.
Changes Reality: Dieter’s character reveals the impact of parental expectations on personal choices, adding a layer of understanding to his otherwise antagonistic actions.

Sophie (Traveling Angel)
Surface Layer: Sophie is a young, shy resident or worker at the retirement home, initially skeptical of Mary’s influence.
Deeper Layer: Sophie’s skepticism and later support stem from her own insecurities about fitting in and finding her place in the world, much like Mary’s struggles with her stage persona.
Major Reveal: Sophie reveals her own artistic aspirations and fears of failure, mirroring Mary’s journey of self-discovery and acceptance.
Influences Surface Story: Sophie’s transformation from skeptic to supporter reflects her own journey towards embracing her talents and finding confidence, influenced by Mary’s struggle and growth.
Hints:
Sophie’s reluctance to participate in creative activities.
Subtle admiration and envy of Mary’s past success.
Gradual involvement in Mary’s program, revealing her own talents.
Emotional moments where Sophie shares her fears and dreams.
Changes Reality: Sophie’s deeper layer adds a parallel journey of self-acceptance and artistic growth, reinforcing the film’s themes of overcoming insecurity and embracing one’s true self.

Renewed structure
Beginning: Mary is a glamorous jazz singer clinging to her youthful image, with the mantra “Youth is the key to success and relevance.”
Inciting Incident: Mary breaks her hip after falling off the stage, mirroring Marlene Dietrich’s own stage accident.
Turning Point 1: Placid enforces Mary to participate in the book buddies program in exchange for rehearsal time, beginning her reluctant immersion into the retirement home community.
Act 2: Robert pressures Mary to retire gracefully, seeing her plans as dangerous and image-destroying. Mary’s frustration builds as she struggles with the constraints of the retirement home and her son’s lack of faith in her.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Vince searches for a younger performer to replace Mary, increasing her desperation and intensifying her fixation on Marlene Dietrich. Mary decides to create the “Marlene program” as a means to reinvent herself and prove her worth.
Act 3: Placid stops the "Marlene program" but wants her to sing with the elderly, which Mary hates. Dieter hires a journalist to write a negative review of Mary’s performance, damaging her credibility. Despite these setbacks, Mary pushes forward, trying to salvage her program.
Turning Point 3: Placid buys tickets knowing Mary hates to perform in front of elderly people. Sophie steals her costumes to force her to perform authentically. Vince insists Mary stick to her old style to attract audiences and not a new program, creating a crisis for Mary.
Act 4 Climax: Dieter replaces her with the younger singer, and the journalist turns the light off when Mary goes on stage. Faced with the ultimate humiliation, Mary must decide whether to give up or perform without her equipment, symbolizing her struggle between clinging to the Dietrich facade and embracing her true self.
Resolution: On stage, Mary embraces her age and inner child, performing authentically and breaking free from her old mantra. This act reconciles her strained relationship with her son and allows her to create a new legacy, showing that true success comes from being authentic and embracing one’s true self.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Structure
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: Thanks to this exercise I was able to generate a much stronger opponent. Because I have different opponents, the chatgtp responses gave many different points to attack Mary’s journey.
That was a great help. I also know, it’s not perfect yet but I proceed…

Mary (Protagonist)
Beginning: Mary is a glamorous, renowned jazz singer who believes that youth and beauty are essential for success and relevance. She is confident on stage but deeply insecure and fearful of aging off stage.
Turning Point: Mary's life takes a drastic turn when she breaks her hip after falling off the stage, forcing her into rehab at a retirement home.
Midpoint: Mary reluctantly joins the book buddies program as an exchange for rehearsal space but faces a major setback when the new bar owner pressures Vince to replace her with a younger singer. Mary must find a new way to return to the stage.
Turning Point: Mary creates a new "Marlene program" with the elderly and children, believing she has something unique. However, her confidence is shattered when a journalist trashes her performance.
Dilemma: Mary faces a choice between reverting to her old ways to satisfy Vince and potentially save her career or embracing her new program and risking further humiliation and failure.
Major Conflict: Vince insists on Mary returning to her old performance style, but she decides to stick with her new, authentic approach, leading to a final showdown.
Ending: Mary performs on stage as her true self, without the heavy makeup and pretense, embracing her age and experiences. She realizes true success comes from authenticity, not superficiality.

Placid (Antagonist)
Beginning: Placid is a highly disciplined and orderly director of the retirement home, known for his strict adherence to rules. He hides his love for dancing and struggles to suppress his emotional side.
Turning Point: Placid’s orderly world is disrupted by Mary's arrival and her unorthodox ways, challenging his rigid control over the retirement home.
Midpoint: Placid becomes increasingly antagonistic towards Mary as she starts the "Marlene program," seeing it as a threat to the home's order and his authority.
Turning Point: Placid's secret passion for dance is accidentally revealed, adding a personal stake to his opposition against Mary's program, fearing it will undermine his authority if known.
Dilemma: Placid must choose between embracing his passion for dance and risking his professional reputation or continuing to suppress his true self and maintain his authority.
Major Conflict: Placid tries to sabotage Mary's performance, creating a climactic conflict where his own hidden vulnerabilities are exposed.
Ending: Placid is forced to confront his fear of being seen as weak. He eventually acknowledges his love for dance and allows himself to be emotionally expressive, finding a new way to connect with the residents.

Vince (Opponent 1)
Beginning: Vince is Mary’s long-time manager who initially supports her return to the stage but becomes pressured by the new bar owner to find a younger performer.
Turning Point: Vince’s loyalty is tested as he is coerced by the new bar owner to replace Mary, putting him at odds with her goals.
Midpoint: Vince decides to support the new bar owner's decision, leading to a confrontation with Mary about her ability to attract an audience.
Turning Point: Despite his attempts to help Mary, Vince is ultimately swayed by the bar owner’s demands and begins looking for a replacement, further undermining Mary’s confidence.
Dilemma: Vince struggles between his professional duty to ensure the bar’s success and his personal loyalty to Mary.
Major Conflict: Vince’s decision to fully back the bar owner’s plan puts him in direct conflict with Mary, leading to a decisive moment where he must choose between business and friendship.
Ending: Vince realizes that Mary’s authentic performance could be a unique selling point. He supports her final show, helping to promote it despite the risk to his professional reputation.

Sophie (Traveling Angel)
Beginning: Sophie is a young, shy resident or worker at the retirement home, initially skeptical of Mary's influence and dismissive of her attempts to reclaim her former glory.
Turning Point: Sophie’s skepticism is challenged when Mary encourages her to come out of her shell and embrace her own unique qualities.
Midpoint: Sophie witnesses Mary's struggle and begins to see the value in Mary’s authenticity, prompting her to become more supportive.
Turning Point: Sophie becomes an active supporter of Mary’s "Marlene program," helping to organize and promote it despite initial resistance from others.
Dilemma: Sophie faces a choice between supporting Mary’s unorthodox methods and adhering to the more conservative expectations of the retirement home’s administration.
Major Conflict: Sophie stands up to Placid and the new bar owner, advocating for Mary’s new program and highlighting the importance of authenticity over superficial success.
Ending: Sophie’s support helps Mary’s final performance succeed, and she finds her own voice and confidence through the process, embodying the positive change Mary inspires.

Robert (Opponent 2)
Beginning: Robert starts as a protective and overbearing son who believes his aging mother should no longer be on stage. He thinks Mary should accept her limitations and live a more subdued life.
Turning Point: Robert's conflict with Mary intensifies when she insists on continuing her career despite her accident, which he sees as reckless and dangerous.
Midpoint: Robert discovers Mary’s plan to create the "Marlene program" with the elderly and children. This revelation makes him realize that Mary is determined to stay active, leading him to attempt more direct intervention.
Turning Point: Robert's attempts to control and protect Mary clash directly with her growing determination to perform. His efforts to convince her to retire escalate, causing friction between them.
Dilemma: Robert faces a choice between supporting his mother's passion, which he believes is dangerous, or continuing to protect her in a way that undermines her independence and happiness.
Major Conflict: Robert confronts Mary in a heated argument, where he must decide whether to let her follow her dreams or continue to impose his will on her, risking their relationship.
Ending: Robert ultimately accepts Mary’s need for independence and self-expression. He learns to support her endeavors, recognizing that allowing her to pursue her passion is a form of love and respect, even if it means risking her physical well-being.

Story Structure Recap:
Beginning: Mary as a glamorous singer clinging to her youthful image with the mantra “Youth is the key to success and relevance.”
Inciting Incident: Mary breaks her hip after falling off the stage.
Turning Point 1: Mary has to participate in the book buddies program to be able to rehearse.
Act 2: Robert pressures Mary to retire from the stage to age gracefully.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Vince searches for a younger performer to replace Mary.
Act 3: Mary comes up with the “Marlene program” to reinvent herself.
Turning Point 3: A journalist hired by Dieter writes a negative review of Mary’s performance.
4th act Climax: Mary has to decide whether to perform without her equipment or not at all, symbolizing her struggle between old and new self.
Resolution: On stage, Mary embraces her age and inner child, performing authentically and breaking free from her old mantra.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Supporting Characters
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting
What I learned from doing this assignment is: This exercise gave me opportunity to rethink the web of characters and it helped me to improve the opponents and some strategic helpers for Mary. It clarified a lot.

Supporting Characters
Robert
Role: Mary’s son
Purpose: Opposes Mary’s return to the stage due to concerns about her image.
Value: Embodies societal views on elderly women, representing traditional perspectives on aging and public appearance.

Alex
Role: Initial bar owner
Purpose: Supports Mary’s return to the stage, giving her a chance to perform.
Value: Represents the initial hope and belief in Mary’s talent, setting the stage for her comeback attempt.

Dieter
Role: New bar owner
Purpose: Prioritizes profitability, pressures for a younger performer.
Value: Embodies the systemic issues of ageism and commercialism in the entertainment industry, increasing the stakes for Mary.

Faye
Role: Journalist
Purpose: Writes unfavorable pieces about Mary to undermine her confidence and deter her return to the stage.
Value: Highlights the media’s role in perpetuating ageism and the challenges of maintaining a public image.

Hortense
Role: Mary’s room neighbor in the elderly home
Purpose: Provides a grounded perspective and serves as a memento mori.
Value: Contrasts Mary’s struggles with the simplicity and inevitability of aging, offering key insights before her death.

Julia
Role: Kitchen aide
Purpose: Supports Mary by providing a secret rehearsal space, despite Placid’s rules.
Value: Represents a younger, rebellious version of Mary, showing the influence Mary can still have on others.

Enrique
Role: Rehab specialist at the elderly home
Purpose: Encourages Mary’s rehabilitation through stage performance moves, possibly a musician himself.
Value: Provides professional support and believes in Mary’s potential, offering a new perspective on health and performance.

Background Characters
Some other elderly people who populate the elderly home.
Some other children who are part of the integrated school class.
The school teacher.
Maybe Sophie’s parents who are unhappy with Sophie’s interaction with Mary.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’e Character Profiles Part 2
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: I helped me to get every character even more condensed and also working together as an ensemble.

1. Mary
Journey
From a vain, delusional singer clinging to past glory to embracing age and authenticity, championing against ageism.
1. Role in the Story (Protagonist): An aging jazz singer whose glamorous facade is increasingly at odds with her stark reality.
2. Age Range and Description:
In her late 60s. A striking figure who dresses in flamboyant, vintage attire, meticulously maintaining an image of youthful glamor despite visible signs of aging and frailty.
3. Core Traits:
Narcissistic: Obsessed with her past fame and appearance, she struggles to accept her aging self.
Fishing for Compliments: Constantly seeks validation from others, needing to be reassured of her worth.
Theatrical: Lives as if always on stage, even in mundane situations.
Delusional: Clings to unrealistic expectations of a comeback, refusing to acknowledge her limitations.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To make a grand comeback and reclaim her place in the spotlight.
Need: To accept her true self and find worth outside of her stage persona.
5. Wound:
Terrified of becoming irrelevant and forgotten, and ultimately of dying without having made a lasting impact.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: Distorted self-image and moments of vulnerability.
Relatability: Challenges of aging, societal norms, fear of aging and loss of relevance.
Empathy: Her poignant struggle to come to terms with her mortality, intensified by physical ailments and the harsh reality of a forgotten star.
7. Character Subtext:
Mary’s glamorous stage persona is a shield against the harsh realities of aging and masks deep insecurities about her worth without fame.
8. Character Intrigue:
Unspoken Wound: Deep-seated fear of being only loved for her youth and beauty.
9. Flaws:
Obsession with maintaining her youthful stage image.
Insecurity about her worth without fame.
Denial of her aging and physical limitations.
10. Values:
Glamour vs. authenticity
Youth vs. wisdom
Fame vs. inner worth
11. Character Dilemma:
Struggling between clinging to past glory and accepting her true self.

2. Placid
Journey
From emotionally repressed and overly rational to embracing artistic passions and balancing logic with emotion.
1. Role in the Story (Antagonist):
A strict, no-nonsense director of the retirement home who keeps everything and everyone in line with precision and efficiency and clashes with Mary's emotional and dramatic nature.
2. Age Range and Description:
Early 50s. Boringly dressed, with a clinical and somewhat aloof demeanor.
3. Core Traits:
Rigid: Adheres strictly to routines and protocols, resistant to change or improvisation.
Dispassionate: Keeps an emotional distance from residents, viewing them as cases rather than individuals.
Analytical: Relies on data and logic over intuition and emotion.
Calm: Maintains composure in all situations.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To maintain order and ensure the efficient operation of the retirement home.
Need: To learn to connect with others on an emotional level and appreciate the human element beyond just rationality and efficiency.
5. Wound:
Fear of chaos and emotional entanglement, which he believes will compromise his ability to perform his duties effectively.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: His dedication to the well-being of residents, even if through a detached manner.
Relatability: The struggle to balance professionalism with empathy.
Empathy: His hidden vulnerabilities and the occasional glimpse of his own loneliness and unfulfilled desire for meaningful connections.
7. Character Subtext:
Placid’s facade of calm rationality hides a trapped artistic soul and a fear of dealing with human emotions.
8. Character Intrigue:
Unspoken Wound: Buried artistic dreams due to past ridicule and rejection.
9. Flaws:
Detached and overly rational, avoiding emotional connections.
Fear of exposing his true artistic self.
Stubbornly clings to order and logic, even when it stifles creativity.
10. Values:
Order vs. chaos
Rationality vs. emotion
Expertise vs. passion
11. Character Dilemma:
Balancing his logical approach to life with the need for artistic expression and emotional connection.

3. Sophie
B. Journey
From shy and withdrawn to gaining confidence and balancing her dream world with real-world interactions.
1. Role in the Story (Traveling Angel):
Sophie, a timid child with a wild imagination, becomes an unexpected mirror and catalyst for Mary’s journey.
2. Age Range and Description:
A small, shy girl about 8-10 years old with an aura of quiet intelligence. She dresses in simple, whimsical clothing that hints at her imaginative nature.
3. Core Traits:
Innocent: Sophie’s innocence belies a deep perceptiveness, allowing her to see and understand more than the adults around her realize.
Timid: Her shyness makes her a keen observer of the world, noticing details and subtleties others overlook.
Eccentric: Sophie’s wild imagination fuels her unique perspective and unconventional behavior.
Manipulative: Her genuine empathy for others often leads her to manipulate situations subtly to achieve emotional connections or outcomes.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To connect with Mary and understand the adult world through her imaginative lens.
Need: To find her own voice and assertiveness, learning to balance her inner world with external realities.
5. Wound:
Fear of being overlooked and insignificant, stemming from a history of feeling ignored or misunderstood by adults and peers.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: Sophie’s spontaneous, joyful spirit and innocent charm endear her to others. Her imaginative escapades provide comic relief and light-hearted moments.
Relatability: Her struggles with shyness and the desire to be understood resonate with anyone who has felt overlooked or out of place.
Empathy: The audience feels for Sophie’s hidden pain and her attempts to navigate the complex adult world, rooting for her to find her place and voice.
7. Character Subtext:
Sophie sees her shyness to shield her wild imagination and keen observations.
8. Character Intrigue:
Unspoken Wound: Deep sense of abandonment from often absent or preoccupied parents.
9. Flaws:
Withdrawn into her dream world, making her disconnected from reality.
Innocent to the point of naivety, causing her to misinterpret adult complexities.
Timidity prevents her from asserting herself and voicing her true thoughts.
10. Values:
Innocence vs. experience
Imagination vs. reality
Observation vs. participation.
11. Character Dilemma:
Struggling between her withdrawn, imaginative dream world and overcoming her shyness to engage meaningfully with the real world.

4. Vince
B. Journey
From manipulative and deeply insecure to learning integrity and valuing real relationships, becoming more genuine.
1. Role in the Story (Antagonist):
Vince, the ambitious accompanying pianist and manager, represents the commercial pressures and pragmatism that challenge Mary's journey towards self-acceptance and artistic integrity.
2. Age Range and Description:
Early 60s: A slick, charismatic man who exudes confidence and charm, always impeccably dressed to maintain his polished image.
3. Core Traits:
Manipulative: Skilled at maneuvering situations and people to serve his ambitions, often resorting to deceit and cunning.
Charming: Possesses a suave and magnetic personality, easily winning over others with his charisma and smooth talk.
Ambitious: Driven by a relentless desire for success and recognition, he prioritizes his career above all else.
Insecure: Despite his outward confidence, he harbors deep-seated fears of failure and obsolescence, leading to his manipulative behavior.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To elevate his career and secure his place in the music industry by managing successful acts.
Need: To reconcile his drive for success with the need for genuine relationships and integrity.
5. Wound:
Like Mary: Fears of failure, obsolescence, and losing his status, drive his manipulative and deceitful behavior.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: Vince’s charm and wit make him an engaging character despite his flaws. His quick thinking and persuasive nature often make him the life of the party.
Relatability: His fear of failure and desire to stay relevant in a competitive industry are universal concerns, especially for those in high-pressure careers.
Empathy: Vince's internal struggle between ambition and morality, and his vulnerability when his plans fail, evoke empathy as viewers see his human side.
7. Character Subtext:
Vince’s charm and ambition mask insecurities and a fear of failure, driving him to manipulate and deceive to maintain his status.
8. Character Intrigue:
Hidden Agenda: Secretly maneuvers to replace Mary with younger talent to stay relevant and secure his position.
9. Flaws:
Manipulative tendencies to maintain his status.
Deep-seated fear of failure.
Sacrifices integrity for ambition, often deceiving others.
10. Values:
Success vs. failure
Image vs. substance
Manipulation vs. integrity
11. Character Dilemma:
Struggling to balance his ambition with maintaining genuine relationships and integrity.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Profiles Part 1
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Thanks to this exercise I was able to get deeper into each character and was helpful to grasp them as three-dimensional characters.

1. MARY
1. Role in the Story (Protagonist): An aging jazz singer whose glamorous facade is increasingly at odds with her stark reality.
2. Age Range and Description:
In her late 60s. A striking figure who dresses in flamboyant, vintage attire, meticulously maintaining an image of youthful glamor despite visible signs of aging and frailty.
3. Core Traits:
Narcissistic: Obsessed with her past fame and appearance, she struggles to accept her aging self.
Fishing for Compliments: Constantly seeks validation from others, needing to be reassured of her worth.
Theatrical: Lives as if always on stage, even in mundane situations.
Delusional: Clings to unrealistic expectations of a comeback, refusing to acknowledge her limitations.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To make a grand comeback and reclaim her place in the spotlight.
Need: To accept her true self and find worth outside of her stage persona.
5. Wound:
Terrified of becoming irrelevant and forgotten, and ultimately of dying without having made a lasting impact.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: Distorted self-image and moments of vulnerability.
Relatability: Challenges of aging, societal norms, fear of aging and loss of relevance.
Empathy: Her poignant struggle to come to terms with her mortality, intensified by physical ailments and the harsh reality of a forgotten star.

2. PLACID
1. Role in the Story (Antagonist):
A strict, no-nonsense director of the retirement home who keeps everything and everyone in line with precision and efficiency and clashes with Mary's emotional and dramatic nature.
2. Age Range and Description:
Early 50s. Boringly dressed, with a clinical and somewhat aloof demeanor.
3. Core Traits:
Rigid: Adheres strictly to routines and protocols, resistant to change or improvisation.
Dispassionate: Keeps an emotional distance from residents, viewing them as cases rather than individuals.
Analytical: Relies on data and logic over intuition and emotion.
Calm: Maintains composure in all situations.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To maintain order and ensure the efficient operation of the retirement home.
Need: To learn to connect with others on an emotional level and appreciate the human element beyond just rationality and efficiency.
5. Wound:
Fear of chaos and emotional entanglement, which he believes will compromise his ability to perform his duties effectively.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: His dedication to the well-being of residents, even if through a detached manner.
Relatability: The struggle to balance professionalism with empathy.
Empathy: His hidden vulnerabilities and the occasional glimpse of his own loneliness and unfulfilled desire for meaningful connections.

3. SOPHIE
1. Role in the Story (Traveling Angel):
Sophie, a timid child with a wild imagination, becomes an unexpected mirror and catalyst for Mary’s journey.
2. Age Range and Description:
A small, shy girl about 8-10 years old with an aura of quiet intelligence. She dresses in simple, whimsical clothing that hints at her imaginative nature.
3. Core Traits:
Innocent: Sophie’s innocence belies a deep perceptiveness, allowing her to see and understand more than the adults around her realize.
Timid: Her shyness makes her a keen observer of the world, noticing details and subtleties others overlook.
Eccentric: Sophie’s wild imagination fuels her unique perspective and unconventional behavior.
Manipulative: Her genuine empathy for others often leads her to manipulate situations subtly to achieve emotional connections or outcomes.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To connect with Mary and understand the adult world through her imaginative lens.
Need: To find her own voice and assertiveness, learning to balance her inner world with external realities.
5. Wound:
Fear of being overlooked and insignificant, stemming from a history of feeling ignored or misunderstood by adults and peers.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: Sophie’s spontaneous, joyful spirit and innocent charm endear her to others. Her imaginative escapades provide comic relief and light-hearted moments.
Relatability: Her struggles with shyness and the desire to be understood resonate with anyone who has felt overlooked or out of place.
Empathy: The audience feels for Sophie’s hidden pain and her attempts to navigate the complex adult world, rooting for her to find her place and voice.

4. VINCE
1. Role in the Story (Antagonist):
Vince, the ambitious accompanying pianist and manager, represents the commercial pressures and pragmatism that challenge Mary's journey towards self-acceptance and artistic integrity.
2. Age Range and Description:
Early 60s: A slick, charismatic man who exudes confidence and charm, always impeccably dressed to maintain his polished image.
3. Core Traits:
Manipulative: Skilled at maneuvering situations and people to serve his ambitions, often resorting to deceit and cunning.
Charming: Possesses a suave and magnetic personality, easily winning over others with his charisma and smooth talk.
Ambitious: Driven by a relentless desire for success and recognition, he prioritizes his career above all else.
Insecure: Despite his outward confidence, he harbors deep-seated fears of failure and obsolescence, leading to his manipulative behavior.
4. Motivation; Want/Need:
Want: To elevate his career and secure his place in the music industry by managing successful acts.
Need: To reconcile his drive for success with the need for genuine relationships and integrity.
5. Wound:
Like Mary: Fears of failure, obsolescence, and losing his status, drive his manipulative and deceitful behavior.
6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: Vince’s charm and wit make him an engaging character despite his flaws. His quick thinking and persuasive nature often make him the life of the party.
Relatability: His fear of failure and desire to stay relevant in a competitive industry are universal concerns, especially for those in high-pressure careers.
Empathy: Vince's internal struggle between ambition and morality, and his vulnerability when his plans fail, evoke empathy as viewers see his human side.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 4 weeks ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting
What I learned from doing this assignment is: This helps a lot to discover the unconventional traits of the characters. It’s interesting to see, that even the antagonists have the positive qualities that makes them “attractive” to an audience.

Mary
Likability: Mary's likability stems from her unapologetic honesty and wit. She openly expresses her frustrations with modern societal norms and isn't afraid to defy expectations about aging. Her directness and refusal to sugarcoat her feelings give her a unique charm, especially when she criticizes or mocks the absurdities of everyday situations that irritate her.
Relatability: Mary's experiences resonate with many as she navigates the challenges of aging in a society that often overlooks the elderly. Her struggles with physical limitations, ageism, and her fears about health and mortality strike a chord with anyone facing similar issues or watching their loved ones do so.
Empathy: The audience feels empathy for Mary through her series of personal setbacks. From the physical pain and vulnerability of a hip fracture to the emotional distress of seeing a younger rival take her place and reading harsh critiques about herself. These hardships, coupled with her fighting spirit and resilience, draw the audience closer to her, rooting for her success and well-being.
Likability: Unapologetic honesty, wit.
Relatability: Challenges of aging, societal norms.
Empathy: Personal setbacks, emotional distress.
Placid
Likability: Placid exudes a stiff demeanor as he attempts to assert authority, which feels somewhat contrived. Despite his overly correct attitude leading to missteps, his genuine passion for dance and quirky traits endear him to us.
Relatability: Placid's overprotectiveness stems from his deep concern for the elderly, revealing his compassionate side. His efforts, although occasionally clumsy, reflect a universal fear of seeing loved ones in distress, making his actions relatable.
Empathy: His protective nature makes him a maternal figure, contrasting with Mary’s independence. Placid's deep care for the elderly, treating them almost like children, draws empathy, especially as he learns to balance his protective instincts with respecting their autonomy.
Likability: Genuine passion, quirky traits.
Relatability: Compassionate, protective.
Empathy: Cares for elderly, learns to respect their autonomy.
Sophie
Likability: Sophie's likability comes from her spontaneous and joyful spirit, often providing comic relief and light-hearted moments that charm both other characters and the audience.
Relatability: Her actions and light-hearted demeanor resonate widely, as she navigates her relationship with Mary, reflecting common generational clashes with humor and heart.
Empathy: The audience empathizes with Sophie's challenges in connecting deeply with Mary, which are highlighted through her playful acts that sometimes mask deeper feelings of neglect or misunderstanding.
Likability: Joyful, spontaneous.
Relatability: Navigates generational relationships.
Empathy: Feels neglected, seeks deeper connections.
Vince
Likability: Vince's likability comes from his charm and suave demeanor. He is always quick with a joke or a smile, making him easy to like despite his flaws. He is supportive of Mary, showing loyalty and dedication, which endears him to the audience.
Relatability: Vince struggles with the fear of becoming irrelevant in his career, a concern many can identify with. His attempts to balance personal relationships with professional ambitions resonate with anyone who has felt conflicted between different aspects of life.
Empathy: The audience feels empathy for Vince as he navigates the pressures of the music industry and his role as a mentor and friend to Mary. When he faces the dilemma of possibly replacing Mary with a younger singer, his emotional turmoil and guilt are palpable, evoking sympathy from viewers who see his human side.
Likability: Charm, loyalty.
Relatability: Career relevance fears.
Empathy: Emotional turmoil, mentorship struggles.

• This reply was modified 12 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Intrigue
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.
What I learned doing this assignment is: Sometimes it can be overwhelming. It takes time to go through all the suggestions. I let them sink in, come back and make decisions later. The creative part shifts in a way, that one has to make selections and throw out. It’s different than always generating and coming up with ideas.

Character Intrigue: Mary

1. Hidden Agenda
Mary secretly works to sabotage the young replacement singer’s rehearsals, fearing that her successor will eclipse her legacy.
2. Competition
Mary competes covertly with a similarly aged performer at the retirement home, attempting to outshine her in informal performances and win the adoration of the residents and staff.
3. Conspiracy
Vince secretly conspires with the initial bar owner to replace Mary with a younger singer to draw a fresher crowd, implying it was the bar owner’s sole decision. However, after the bar owner’s unexpected death, it’s revealed that Vince was the mastermind. The new bar owner, complicit with Vince, imposes a harsh ticket sales condition on Mary’s performances. When sales falter due to negative press orchestrated by the new owner, Placid steps in, buying all the tickets and ensuring Mary’s show goes on, revealing the depth of the deception against her.
4. Secret
Mary hides her worsening health issues from everyone, pretending to recover fully while her condition affects her ability to perform, impacting her comeback efforts.
5. Deception
Suppose Mary, while undercover as a low-profile lounge singer, actually serves as an informant for a music industry watchdog organization. She gathers insider information on exploitative practices in the music business. Her ultimate goal is not just a comeback but to expose the corrupt underbelly of the industry that nearly destroyed her life.
6. Unspoken Wound
What if Mary, after her fall from grace, performed under her maiden name at small venues, and one of her unnoticed compositions became a hit, covered and popularized by someone else? At a small, heartfelt concert, her estranged son recognizes the song from his childhood—a melody she often hummed but never claimed publicly.
7. Secret Identity
Imagine that Mary, under her stage persona, secretly composes and produces hit songs for younger artists, using a pseudonym. None of her fans or critics know that the pop culture’s most recent chart-topping hits, which radically differ from her usual style, are her creations. This secret keeps her relevant and financially stable but at the cost of her artistic recognition.

Character Intrigue: Vince

1. Hidden Agenda
Vince harbors the covert plan to elevate his career by ensuring the new acts he introduces overshadow Mary, thus aligning himself with the fresh faces that could enhance his reputation and future opportunities.
2. Competition
He is in a constant battle not just with Mary, but within the musical community, to assert his relevance and superiority. His drive to remain atop his profession pushes him to make choices that strain his moral compass.
3. Conspiracy
Vince could be involved in a secret scheme with the new bar owner, plotting to manipulate Mary’s performances and public image to hasten her retirement, indirectly boosting his own status and control over the music lineup.
4. Secret
Vince might be hiding a personal relationship with a rising star he plans to replace Mary with, which he keeps under wraps to avoid conflicts of interest or accusations of favoritism.
5. Deception
He could be misleading Mary and others about the intentions of the bar’s management and their future plans, presenting himself as a mediator while actually steering decisions to his benefit.
6. Unspoken Wound
Vince may have experienced a significant professional failure or public embarrassment in the past, which now drives his relentless pursuit of success and fear of falling back into obscurity.
7. Secret Identity
Beneath his polished exterior, Vince could fantasize about being a renowned artist himself, using his position to vicariously live out his dreams through the talents he manages, while sabotaging those who might outshine him.

Character Intrigue: Sophie

1. Hidden Agenda
While Sophie doesn’t have malicious intentions, her hidden agenda could be her desire to connect deeply with Mary or other adults in the retirement home, which she pursues through her innocent but insightful interactions.
2. Secret
Sophie could have a secret hobby or talent that she keeps hidden due to her shyness, such as drawing or writing poetry, which becomes significant as she shares it with Mary and influences the narrative.
3. Unspoken Wound
Sophie’s shyness and reserved nature might stem from a previous experience of loss or rejection (perhaps related to family dynamics), which she slowly reveals to Mary, deepening their bond.
4. Secret Identity
In her imagination, Sophie could see herself as a guardian of hidden truths or a keeper of stories, which she slowly starts to believe she can be in real life, influencing how she begins to interact more boldly with the adults around her.

Character Intrigue: Placid

1. Hidden Agenda
Placid could be secretly working to undermine the strictures of the retirement home’s corporate management, aiming to transform it into a more culturally rich and supportive environment for its residents.
2. Conspiracy
Unbeknownst to others, Placid might be part of a covert group of staff and residents aiming to expose and reform the facility’s restrictive and profit-driven practices.
3. Secret
Placid hides his background as a dancer not only due to his current role but because of a past scandal or a dramatic failure that once ended his dance career, shaping his current identity and actions.
4. Deception
While he presents a facade of strict adherence to rules, he subtly bends them to foster a more creative and supportive atmosphere for the residents, disguising his true intentions under a veil of bureaucracy.
5. Unspoken Wound
Placid’s rigorous control over his environment and his hidden artistic passion could stem from a deep-seated fear of chaos or loss, perhaps due to a traumatic event in his past that he has not fully confronted.
6. Secret Identity
Internally, Placid sees himself as a protector of the elderly and a crusader for justice, which contrasts sharply with his outward persona as a stringent administrator.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Subtext Characters
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: It helped to look at the subtext for the characters to come up with more detailed character traits. I’m not sure yet with Vince, but I trust the process and continue, even though I’m not totally convinced of this version of the antagonist yet.

Mary
Subtext Identity: A seasoned singer who uses stage façade to protect herself from real life.
Subtext Trait: Holding on to her stage façade, stemming from a deep-seated fear of aging and losing relevance, ultimately death.
Subtext Logline: Seasoned singer who holds up stage façade to keep real life at a distance and protect herself from fear of obsolescence and death.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Interacting with others, feeling superior to her environment, avoiding interactions with real life issues, not let other people get close to her.

Placid
Subtext Identity: Artistic soul trapped in a bureaucratic role
Subtext Trait: Suppresses his artistic desires due to job demands
Subtext Logline: Placid is an artistic soul trapped in a bureaucratic role who yearns to express himself.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
Withholding: Keeps his past as a dancer secret.
Being Polite: Overly formal to mask his dissatisfaction with his current role.
Secret: Dreams of returning to his artistic roots, which he subtly supports by encouraging Mary.

Sophie
Subtext Identity: Timid child with a wild imagination
Subtext Trait: Uses her shyness to observe and learn from adults
Subtext Logline: Sophie is a timid child who uses her shyness to shield her wild imagination and keen observations.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
Afraid to Say: Keeps her true thoughts and feelings to herself, only sharing them in her drawings or through indirect means.
Luring/Seducing: Draws adults into her world through her innocence and unexpected insights.
Plotting: Uses her insights to manipulate situations to her emotional advantage, especially with Mary.

Vince
Subtext Identity: Ambitious Manipulator
Subtext Trait: Vince constantly masks his deep-seated fear of failure with a facade of success, using charm and deceit to maneuver through social and professional landscapes.
Subtext Logline: Vince is an ambitious manipulator who uses his charm and strategic thinking to climb the social ladder, regardless of the ethical compromises required.
Possible Areas of Subtext:
Hiding Something: Conceals his insecurities and true intentions behind a veneer of confidence and ambition.
Lying: Regularly bends the truth or presents things in a misleading way to maintain his image or gain advantage.
Plotting: Crafts plans and schemes to position himself advantageously within his social and professional circles, often at the expense of others’ well-being or trust.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Actor attractors for “Dirty Old Secret”.

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: I was able to go deep into Mary’s character and I came up with some interesting new insight about who she is and how she acts during the story.

Actor Attractor Template
Movie Title: DIRTY OLD SECRET
Lead Character Name: Mary

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
A seasoned singer who experiences her crumbling façade journey as ultimate life lesson.

2. What makes this character the most interesting character in the movie?
Mary’s journey from a deeply flawed façade-driven celebrity to a self-accepting, life-embracing vulnerable person makes her both relatable and inspirational, providing a deep dive into the challenges of aging in the limelight by revealing the double beauty standard for women in the showbiz.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Mary falls off the stage mimicking a legendary star, escapes from a hospital in a wheelchair, flouts elderly home rules, chooses dancing over prescribed exercises, entertains children by singing, unexpectedly sports purple hair due to a hairdresser's mistake, courageously reveals her age on stage, creatively integrates wardrobe malfunctions into her performance, perseveres through technical glitches during her show, sneaks out to get a hamster for a child, and confronts the impact of a neighbor’s death, and iconic walking chair moment as arguing scene with opponent.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
Introduced as a glamorous yet aging star during a performance, Mary's facade cracks when she physically falls off the stage, reaching for a drink, which is denied from the bar owner, a symbolic start to her unraveling and transformation.

5. What is this character's emotional range?
A dichotomy between her public persona and her private struggles: From being confident on stage to being lost backstage, from arrogant to unsecure, from performing to struggle to move, from defying age in the limelight to being afraid of death at the elderly home. Two persons: one in front and one behind the curtain.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
Underneath her public persona, there's a constant battle between her desire for fame and the reality of aging, as well her fear of dying, which she tries to hide less and less successful. Her stay at the elderly home is a constant Memento Mori, with no way to escape. The subtext theme being the fish out of water in the elderly home, where she has to land in order to get her coming of age.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
Mary has to deal with a shy girl who is very unsecure, and acts as a catalyst for Mary’s own insecurity, which she is not even aware about. Only with time Mary discovers that the girl Sophie and her suffer from the same feeling of low self-esteem, just a the two different ends of the age spectrum.
Sophie – The relationship with Sophie is emotionally potent because it highlights the universal struggle with self-esteem that transcends age, making it both relatable and significant for character development.
Mary and Vince have a difficult relationship because Vince and Mary for a long time are not aware of the age biases under which Mary suffers. Only with time, they get aware of it and even then, it’s hard for Vince to accept it.
Vince – The dynamic with Vince offers a complex view of professional and personal interaction clouded by unrecognized biases. Their evolving understanding of these biases adds layers to their relationship, enriching the story's thematic exploration.
Placid is a hidden gem, because he seems rigid but deep down he is a contstraint artist who admires Mary and helps her at the end. He himself wanted to be a dancer. He is a bit like Christopher Walken in the dance video “weapon of choice”.
Placid – Featuring Placid as a character who admires Mary yet appears rigid, adds a twist of irony and depth to his character, mirroring the hidden depths in Mary herself. His backstory as a constrained artist could provide poignant moments of connection and mutual respect that enrich the narrative.

8. How is this character's unique voice presented?
Through sharp wit and biting humor that shields her vulnerabilities (a bit like Will in “About A Boy”, transitioning to heartfelt sincerity as she embraces her true identity The transformation of Mary's use of humor from a defense mechanism to a therapeutic tool highlights her growth.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
Mary embodies the struggle against societal expectations of age and as a woman especially beauty, making a daring public transformation that challenges both herself and societal norms.

Antagonist Character Name: Vince
1. Known for Role
This role offers an actor the challenge of portraying a complex antagonist whose ambition drives both his success and his flaws, offering a rich tapestry of moral ambiguity to explore.
2. Most Interesting Character
Vince stands out as he embodies the modern struggle between personal gain and ethical standards, making him a reflection of the societal pressures that prioritize success over integrity.
3. Interesting Actions
Vince manipulates both personal and professional relationships to secure his ambitions, schemes to replace Mary to freshen the show’s appeal, and grapples with his own moral dilemmas when his plans face unforeseen consequences.
4. Introduction
Introduced as Mary’s trusted piano accompanist, Vince's deeper ambitions are gradually unveiled, revealing his strategic mind and personal insecurities, drawing the actor into a role that balances surface charm with deeper, conflicting motivations.
5. Emotional Range
Vince’s emotional journey spans from charismatic confidence to hidden vulnerability, showcasing his internal battle with fear of failure and desire for recognition.
6. Subtext
The actor can play with the subtext of Vince’s outward charm masking his desperation for success and fear of obsolescence, adding layers to his interactions and decisions.
7. Interesting Relationships
His complex dynamics with Mary, characterized by both genuine care and underlying betrayal, and his interactions with industry insiders, provide a canvas for exploring themes of loyalty, betrayal, and ambition.
8. Unique Voice
Vince’s dialogue would blend persuasive charm with subtle manipulation, using his eloquence to influence those around him while hiding his true intentions.
9. Special
Vince is special because he personifies the universal theme of the cost of ambition, making him a relatable and cautionary tale of what happens when one’s professional drive overshadows personal integrity.

Actor Attractor Template: Antagonist Character Name: Sophie
1. Known for Role
Sophie’s role would attract an actor looking to portray a deeply meaningful transformation from a shy, overlooked child to a confident young individual who can speak truth to power.
2. Most Interesting Character:
Sophie stands out as she embodies innocence with the power to see and speak the truth, often overlooked by adults, which allows her to influence the main character profoundly.
3. Interesting Actions
Initially, Sophie passively participates in reading sessions, but gradually she starts initiating conversations, asking poignant questions that challenge Mary, and eventually expressing her own views that serve as a reality check for Mary.
4. Introduction
Sophie could be introduced in a scene where she is almost invisible to others at the retirement home, absorbed in her books, hinting at her observant nature and depth, which Mary notices.
5.Emotional Range
From reticent and introspective to assertively honest, Sophie's character could explore a broad spectrum of emotions as she gains the courage to express her thoughts and stands up as Mary’s critic.
6. Subtext
The subtext of Sophie’s character involves her growing realization of her own voice and worth, influenced by her interactions with Mary, but also her internal struggle with being direct and honest in a world that often dismisses the insights of the young.
7. Interesting Relationships
Besides her transformative relationship with Mary, Sophie might develop subtle but significant interactions with other residents, perhaps inspiring them too, or with staff members who underestimate her.
8. Unique Voice
Sophie’s dialogue could start minimal and cautious, but gain in complexity and confidence, showcasing her development and the impact of Mary’s mentorship.
9. Special
What makes Sophie unique is her ability to mirror and then challenge Mary, catalyzing pivotal moments in the story through her newfound courage to speak the truth, making her a key figure in the narrative’s climax and resolution.

Antagonist Character Name: Placid
1. Known for Role
An actor would be drawn to Placid's unique blend of strict administration and his hidden artistic passions, alongside a profound commitment to justice, particularly in defending the elderly against discrimination.
2. Most Interesting Character
Placid intrigues as he balances his disciplined role with his secret life as a dancer and his unexpected fierce advocacy for the elderly, making him a figure of authority, creativity, and moral integrity.
3. Interesting Actions
From enforcing rules with a firm hand to secretly practicing dance moves, and eventually using his position to protect and empower the elderly, Placid's actions reflect his complex character.
4. Introduction
Introduced as a stringent administrator, hints of his deeper artistic passions and protective nature could be subtly revealed, perhaps showing him watching old dance performances or reacting more emotionally to issues affecting the elderly.
5. Emotional Range
Placid shows a wide emotional range, from the controlled exterior of an administrator to passionate outbursts defending his residents or when he engages in dance as a form of expression.
6. Subtext
The subtext of Placid’s actions could be his struggle between his public persona and his internal desires—his love for dance and his drive to act against injustice—highlighting a conflict between duty and passion.
7. Interesting Relationships
His relationships could dynamically show contrasts; professionally stern yet personally warm with Mary, subtly influencing her journey and vice versa, deepening their mutual understanding and respect.
8. Unique Voice
Placid’s dialogue could shift from formal and administrative to moments of eloquent passion about dance and justice, revealing his dual nature and deep convictions.
9. Special
Placid is special because he defies expectations—his role as an administrator and hidden dancer illustrates his complexity, and his advocacy for the elderly showcases his depth of character and commitment to equity.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Actor attractors for (About A Boy).

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: It’s amazing to see how well the character of Will is worked in the movie. Every detail is great and gets more interesting to more you watch the movie.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS Template

Movie Title: About a Boy

Lead Character Name: Will

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
It’s a smart, witty and challenging role about the social evolution of a human being.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?
His unique approach to life and his strange philosophy about how to get a girlfriend.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?
Laying about being a dad and acting like an immature, selfish human being when it comes to relationships.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?
With many simultaneous actions at the same time: visual, thinking, acting and talking and all point toward a strange personality.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?
From antisocial, immature to being a well-integrated member and well-loved partner.

6. What subtext can the actor play?
The person, who does not care about anybody and does not need anybody.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?
The relationship with the Marcus, a boy.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?
We hear what he is thinking and it’s pretty funny to listen to the way he sees life.

9. What makes this character special and unique?
The adult behaves like an immature person and the kid acts like an adult – and they have to learn from each other.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)
The end, where Will has to overcome his egoistical approach and get on stage to save Marcus. It’s a painful moment for Will and we suffer with him through the humiliation he gets through but we know, this action will save Marcus from social suicide.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

ASSIGNMENT
Madeleine’s Genre Conventions
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: This is the moment where I have to continue with the process although I’m not really satisfied with the result yet. This is difficult to do for me, but I leave my perfectionism behind and move forward.

1. Act 1: The “Old” Mary
Opening Scene: At her last concert before summer break, Mary is in the limelight announcing the next program “Marlene”. After a moment backstage where she confronts her vulnerability, she returns to the stage and requests a drink, denied by the bar owner. This sets up the thematic question about authenticity versus facade.
Inciting Incident: Mary reaches out for a drink from the audience, stumbles, and falls off the stage, suffering a hip fracture. This incident starts her journey of transformation.
Turning Point: Post-operation, the doctor informs Mary that she requires intensive rehab at an elderly home, signaling a permanent change from her old life.

2. Act 2: Mary Tries to Return to the “Old” Mary
Reaction: Mary reluctantly participates in the Book Buddies program, reading to Sophie, initially resisting change.
New Plan: Mary tries to infuse stage ambiance into her rehab sessions, leading to a conflict with Placid who enforces strict rules and stops the rehearsals.
Turning Point: After a failed attempt to perform in her old style that Vince witnesses, he begins searching for her replacement, highlighting her fear of becoming obsolete.

3. Act 3: The Wrong “New” Mary
Rethink: Facing no return to her former stage, Mary stages an open event with kids and elderly people, struggling through a role she never meant to play.
New Plan: Under her maiden name, Mary draws unexpected public and personal attention, leading to a reunion with her estranged son.
Turning Point: Her son’s offer to leave the elderly home and join his family pressures Mary to reconsider her desires deeply.

4. Act 4: The “Real” Encore Mary
New Plan: Mary contemplates living with her son’s family but feels unfulfilled.
Climax: On stage, Vince prepares everything in the old way. Mary, in a defiant move, strips away more than just her physical makeup—she exposes her genuine self, rejecting the scripted role.
Resolution: Mary’s transformation is celebrated not just for her stage persona but for her spirit and genuine acceptance of life’s realities, affirming her personal growth.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s 4 Act Transformational Structure
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.
What I learned doing this assignment is: 1. Even if AI does not give me an answer that fulfills all my dreams, it is still great as a sounding board, coming up with ideas that give me new inspirations. 2. I know the structure is not “perfect” yet, but I move on and trust the process.

Genre: Comedy

Concept: After a stage accident sidelines her upcoming program, an affected, elderly jazz singer finds her coming of age in rehab at a retirement home.
Conflict: An aging singer faces a crossroad: either conform to showbiz's youth-obsessed beauty standards or defy ageism by embracing her true self, conjuring her worst nightmare: dismantling her renowned image.
Mary’s Old Ways
– Hides behind the façade of makeup and glitz to mask her age.
– Sarcasm and denial about getting older, fearing the end of her relevance.
– Neglects genuine social connections due to not fitting the 'maternal' role society expects.
– Self-esteem is anchored in her stage persona, not her true self.
New Ways
– Showcases her natural talent and wisdom gained with age, without the guise of youth.
– Publicly advocates against ageism, becoming a symbol of dignity for aging artists.
– Accepts her unique life choices, including her decision not to be a mother.
– Confronts her mortality with grace, integrating it into her artistry.
– Empowers others by embodying honesty and genuine connection, on and off stage.
– Embraces a healthier lifestyle that reflects her respect for herself.

Act 1: The “old” Mary
Opening: At her last concert before summer break, Mary, asks for a drink on stage, which is denied by the bar owner.
Inciting Incident: Reaching out for a drink from the audience, Mary stumbles and falls off the stage, leaving her with a fractured hip.
Turning Point: After the hip operation, the doctor reveals to Mary that she needs intense rehab – in an elderly home.

Act 2: Mary tries to return to the “old” Mary
Reaction: In order to get ready for the new performance program, Mary grudgingly participates in the book buddies’ program where she has to read books to shy little Sophie, although she hates kids.
New plan: In order to get some stage feeling, she involves the elderly in her rehearsals with Vince, which leads to Placid forbidding her to continue to rehearse.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Mary learns of Vince's search for her replacement, because he fears for his stage job, if they aren’t ready with the new program in time.

Act 3: The wrong “new” Mary
Rethink: With no hope to be back on her former stage, Mary attempts to stage a concert with the kids, where she fumbles through a role she was never meant to play.
New Plan: In order not to be discovered, she performs under her maiden name, at the elderly homes and the parents as her audience.
Turning Point: Her long-lost son, drawn by her new persona, offers her to come home with him instead of staying at the elderly home, he has a family and a daughter who is as old as Sophie.

Act 4: The “real” encore Mary
New Plan: As the club owner pleads for her return, her son wants her to stay with his new family so she does not have to work anymore.
Climax: Mary tells the club owner, that she only returns, if she can do her own thing. On stage, she strips away more than her makeup; she unveils a raw and genuine soul, no longer playing a part but living her truth.
Resolution: Mary's transformation is complete as she garners respect not for her allure but for her undying spirit and unapologetic acceptance of life’s every act.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.
• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

ASSIGNMENT
Subject Line: Madeleine’s Subtext Plot
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Before I went to AI, I could only imagine one of the seven possible subtext plots. When I sent the prompt, I was surprised to discover that AI came up with interesting propositions for each of the seven subtext plots.
Beside asking for the different subtext plots, I asked, if there is a subtext theme and there I got some nice ideas, as “1. Façade of Glamour”.
Subtext Plot: The Fish Out of Water
The elderly home gives a stark contrast to Mary’s lifestyle. The surprising fact is, that it’s not her age, making the difference, but the way she lives it.
Creating a subtext plot involves developing a layer of narrative that runs parallel to the main plot, providing depth and meaning to the characters’ actions and the story’s events. Here are seven potential subtext plots for the screenplay “Dirty Old Secret,” with explanations on how they could unfold within the story:
1. Scheme and Investigation
o Vince, the pragmatic bandleader, schemes to replace Mary with a younger singer to ensure the band’s commercial success. Mary, unaware of his true motives, begins to sense the deception and starts her investigation, leading to a confrontation that forces Vince to reveal his intentions and Mary to reevaluate her place in the industry.
2. Layering
o Beneath the facade of the retirement home’s quiet routine, there’s a thriving underground scene of creativity, sparked by Mary’s presence. The elders, including Mary, begin to break out of their imposed limitations, revealing hidden talents and desires that redefine their twilight years.
3. Someone Hides Who They Are
o Placid, the strict administrator, hides his love for dance, fearing ridicule or undermining his authority. Mary’s influence and her own journey towards authenticity inspire him to reveal his passion, leading to an unexpected dance performance that wins over the residents and softens his rigid stance.
4. The Fish Out of Water
o Mary feels out of place in the retirement home, far from the glamour of her stage life. She finds herself in awkward, yet humorous situations as she adapts to this new environment, ultimately leading her to find joy in the simplicity and authenticity of life away from the spotlight.
5. Superior Position
o The audience is privy to Mary’s internal struggle with aging and her fears of losing her spotlight, while the other characters see only her confident exterior. This tension creates a poignant experience as viewers root for her to overcome her internalized ageism and embrace her journey of self-acceptance.
6. A Major Cover Up
o As Mary’s influence grows among the residents, Vince tries to cover up her increasing popularity, fearing it may threaten his plans for the band’s future. His attempts to suppress her impact backfire, making her more determined to use her voice and platform to advocate for age acceptance.
7. Competitive Agendas
o Vince and Placid, both representing different aspects of the system that Mary fights against, have their own agendas. Vince aims for commercial success, while Placid upholds order. Their competing goals create tension, with Mary caught in the middle, fighting for her right to define her own legacy.
Each of these subtext plots adds a layer of complexity to the main narrative, enriching the story and providing the audience with a deeper understanding of the characters and the thematic elements at play.

Proposed Theme Subtext Ideas
1. Facade of Glamour
• Subtext Theme: Behind the glamorous facade of the entertainment industry, there’s a harsh reality of ageism and disposability.
• Throughout the Story: Everything in the retirement home is a parallel to the showbiz industry—residents put on brave faces, hiding their ailments and pains like actors with makeup, portraying roles they think society wants them to play. The audience knows that Mary’s interactions and transformations are a critique of the broader societal and industry standards that value youth over experience.
2. Echoes of Youth
• Subtext Theme: The retirement home, a supposed twilight retreat, vibrates with the echoes of its residents’ youthful spirits and unfulfilled dreams, which clash with the societal expectation to “fade quietly.”
• Throughout the Story: Scenes of elderly individuals engaging in activities typically associated with youth (dance, music, art) serve as poignant reminders of the thin, often invisible line between past vibrancy and present invisibility. This juxtaposition continually reminds the audience of the ignored potential and stifling stereotypes faced by the elderly.
3. The Invisible Stage
• Subtext Theme: The retirement home acts as an invisible stage where the true selves of the elderly are revealed, away from society’s judgmental eyes.
• Throughout the Story: The audience is aware that each room and corner of the home is a stage of its own right—whether it’s a covert dance session in the living room or secretive rehearsals in the kitchen. This hidden vibrancy starkly contrasts with societal views of elderly homes as places of decay and irrelevance.
4. Cycles of Relevance
• Subtext Theme: The cyclical nature of relevance and obscurity experienced by the protagonist mirrors the societal treatment of the elderly—valued in youth, disregarded in age.
• Throughout the Story: Mary’s journey from fame to supposed obscurity and back towards self-realization underlines the transient nature of societal admiration and the enduring human need for recognition, no matter the age, creating a layered narrative about visibility and worth.
5. The Masquerade of Aging
• Subtext Theme: The retirement home is a masquerade where everyone is costumed as “old,” masking the vibrant identities they still hold within.
• Throughout the Story: Just as Mary sheds her stage persona to reveal her authentic self, other characters are also shown peeling away their aged exteriors (both metaphorically and literally) to reveal the complexities of their past and present desires, challenging the audience’s preconceptions of old age.
6. Walls of Silence
• Subtext Theme: The walls of the retirement home, while seemingly serene, are barriers that hold screams of silence—stories and histories the world chooses to ignore.
• Throughout the Story: Every smile, every quiet moment in the home is loaded with the background noise of what society refuses to hear—the dreams, fears, and realities of those deemed too old to matter. This subtextual narrative invites the audience to listen closer and challenges them to confront their own biases regarding age and visibility.
7. Rehearsal for Life
• Subtext Theme: The retirement home, rather than being a final bow, serves as a rehearsal space for the final acts of its residents’ lives, revealing that learning and transformation are not confined to youth.
• Throughout the Story: Mary’s music and interactions with other residents underscore that life within the home is an ongoing series of rehearsals for each resident’s next ‘performance,’ be it in this life or the next. This ongoing preparation subverts the notion of elderly homes as end-stage settings, instead portraying them as places of growth and dynamism.
These subtext plots utilize the “knowing audience” technique effectively, leveraging the deeper, often unspoken realities of aging and societal expectations to enrich the narrative tapestry.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Subject Line: Madeleine’s Transformational Journey

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: it’s important to work out the detail as much as possible to get a good answer from AI.

Protagonist: Elderly Jazz singer Mary

Arc Beginning: An affected jazz band singer
Arc Ending: A taboo-buster (women having to hide their age) solo artist

Internal Journey: From age-denying and self-absorbed to self-accepting and finding her true advocating destiny.

External journey: From an average jazz band singer to an icon for exposing double standards for aging women.

Old Ways:

• Putting up façade by hiding behind make-up and dressing to hide age (high heels).
• Fearing death and denying aging resulting in being sarcastic about age.
• Feeling guilty about not being the mother type woman (wound) and avoiding social interaction.
• Arrogant and affected to hide low self-esteem and insecurity.
• Redirecting her frustration onto those less powerful, as she feels oppressed by authority figures.
• Hurting herself to please others and showing victimizing behavior.
• Drinking and smoking.

New Ways:

• Finding her self-worth in her talent, which is independent of look and age.
• Fighting publically for the higher cause (taboo buster) as solo artist.
• Accepting the fact that she is not the mother type and not apologizing for it.
• Facing the cycle of life with death being part of it.
• Knowing what’s good for her and not getting pressed into a scheme.
• Helping others in an honest way but not taking on a role that is not her.
• Taking good care of herself (health).

AI

Protagonist: Elderly Jazz singer Mary

Arc Beginning: A seasoned jazz singer obsessed with maintaining her youthful stage image.

Arc Ending: Becomes an inspiring figure who breaks industry stereotypes about aging.

Internal Journey: From denying her age and fearing obsolescence to embracing her life’s experiences and authentic self.

External Journey: From chasing the fading spotlight to becoming a trailblazer for age acceptance in the entertainment industry.

Old Ways:

• Hides behind the façade of makeup and glitz to mask her age.
• Sarcasm and denial about getting older, fearing the end of her relevance.
• Neglects genuine social connections due to not fitting the ‘maternal’ role society expects.
• Self-esteem is anchored in her stage persona, not her true self.

New Ways:

• Showcases her natural talent and wisdom gained with age, without the guise of youth.
• Publicly advocates against ageism, becoming a symbol of dignity for aging artists.
• Accepts her unique life choices, including her decision not to be a mother.
• Confronts her mortality with grace, integrating it into her artistry.
• Empowers others by embodying honesty and genuine connection, on and off stage.
• Embraces a healthier lifestyle that reflects her respect for herself.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Intentional Lead Characters

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: It’s great to see how the prompt helps to generate a rounded image of each persona and creates an ensemble. Although the exercise uses the dramatic triangle, I have to add an antagonist 2 who is crucial to the story.

1. Character: Mary (protagonist) is an affected, elderly jazz singer who after a stage accident does intensive rehab in an elderly home to get back on stage.
Logline: An appearance-fixed, fame-obsessed jazz singer who grapples with her age and growing irrelevance and ultimately fears death.
Unique: She is a born stage person who knows her façade and has not explored her true self yet.

2. Character: Vince (antagonist 1) is a bandleader who is also the manager of the band and therefore responsible for the artistic and financial success of the band.
Logline: A pragmatic and opportunistic bandleader who thinks that success on stage demands though choices and puts monetary value over artistic value.
Unique: He is so into success that he does not realize that by replacing Mary with a younger singer, he destroys the soul of the band.

3. Character: Sophie (triangle character) is a withdrawn child who is part of the book buddies club at the elderly home where the elderly people read stories to them.
Logline: A validation-craving child with low self-esteem, living in a world of dreams and innocence.
Unique: Her innocence and honesty have the power to inspire and change others.

4. Character: Placid (antagonist 2) is a rigid administrator who is focused on the physical rehab role of his institution.
Logline: He is into order and routine because sticking to the plan ensures everyone’s safety and health, even if it means sacrificing personal desires. Maybe he secretly jealous of Mary, because she went fort he career.
Unique: He is actually a very good dancer, but always thought as dancer there is no way to make a living out of it and chose the job as an administer. He is a bit like the character of Christopher Walken in “Weapon of choice”.

Genre = Drama, Comedy, Coming of Age
Title = Dirty Old Secret
Concept = After a stage accident sidelines her farewell tour, an affected, elderly jazz singer finds her coming of age in rehab at a retirement home.

AI Answer

Protagonist:
Character: Mary, the aging jazz singer
Role: The Protagonist, undergoing a late-life coming of age
Journey: Mary’s journey is one of self-discovery and acceptance. After a stage accident, she is forced to do rehab in a retirement home, away from the limelight she is used to. Throughout her stay, she battles with her fear of aging, her relevance as an artist, and the fear of her own mortality.
Unique: Her past is peppered with standing ovations, encores, and the adoration of fans. Now, she’s challenged to find her worth off-stage, which proves to be her hardest performance yet.
Intentional: Mary is designed to challenge the societal views on aging, particularly in the entertainment industry. Her character is a vessel to explore the themes of vanity, fame, and the inevitable passage of time.

Antagonist 1:
Character: Vince, the bandleader and manager
Role: The Antagonist, challenging the protagonist’s journey
Journey: Vince’s journey is one of conflict between financial success and artistic integrity. His pragmatic approach clashes with Mary’s need for a dignified return to her art.
Unique: Vince isn’t a villain in the traditional sense but represents the pressures of commercial success that often undermine artistic expression and personal connection.
Intentional: His character underscores the conflict between the preservation of artistic legacy versus the demand for fresh appeal, setting the stage for Mary’s dramatic choice between succumbing to or defying ageism.

Triangle Character:
Character: Sophie, the young girl from the Book Buddies club
Role: The Connecting Character in a non-romantic triangle, representing innocence and truth
Journey: Sophie’s journey is about breaking out of her shell. Her interactions with Mary encourage her to find her voice, just as Mary is finding hers in a new stage of life.
Unique: Sophie’s innocence is a mirror to Mary’s lost authenticity, and her straightforward perspective helps Mary see beyond the glitz of her stage persona.
Intentional: She symbolizes the untainted perspective on life and success. Her character bridges the gap between the elderly and the young, showing how intergenerational relationships can lead to profound growth and understanding.

Antagonist 2:
Character: Placid, the opponent, is the stringent administrator of the retirement home, whose life revolves around the precise and unyielding structure of his duties.
Role: He is the antagonist to Mary’s desires, embodying the institutional constraints that threaten to stifle her creative spirit and drive for a comeback.
Journey: Placid’s journey is a battle between upholding the rigid order of the retirement home and his internal conflict over the artistic passions he himself suppressed for security.
Unique: Despite his strict adherence to rules, Placid harbors a passion for dance, reminiscent of the expressive freedom of Christopher Walken in “Weapon of Choice.” His skilled but hidden talent for dance contrasts sharply with his austere administrative role.
Intentional: Placid’s conflict with Mary stems from his belief in the importance of safety and order over personal desires, which he has adhered to at the cost of his own dreams. This internal struggle and his secret jealousy of Mary’s artistic career add depth to his opposition, providing a nuanced barrier for Mary to overcome on her transformative journey.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of original, emotionally rich stories, recognized for depth, humor, and enduring impact, resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: Because I have a few antagonist to the hero, I figured out that the dramatic triangle works best. It gives me the opportunity to have also conflict between the different opponents and not just between the hero and one antagonist.

Title: Dirty Old Secret

Concept: After a stage accident sidelines her farewell tour, an affected, elderly jazz singer finds her coming of age in rehab at a retirement home.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

The empowerment exercises are a game changer.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine Gentinetta, one finished script, getting used to work with AI to write a script, I live in Switzerland and love to snowboard.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine Gentinetta:

“I agree to the terms of this release form.”

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

LOGLINE: The experienced cyclist coach Phillip delivers the autohemotherapy to his young cyclist talent Brandy as preparation for her first competition.

ESSENCE: Brandy does not want to commit doping sins, as her coach wants.

SCENE:

INT. SMALL BATHROOM – DAY

Construction noises from behind closed toilet door. Scissors DROPPING on the floor.

BRANDY (O.S.)
Shi, shi, shi… shit.

The noise of tape being torn off.

BRANDY (O.S.)
Whew! I did it!

The toilet door opens. BRANDY (19) jumps out and performs a fist pump. She is dressed in a professional cycling outfit and carries scissors, tape, and an empty box of a surveillance camera.

INT. SMALL CYCLING STUDIO – DAY

Brandy quickly puts the scissors and the tape into her sports bag and grabs a Gatorade. She folds up the empty box and hides it under a sports mat.

Then she climbs on a training bicycle, sets the measuring devices, and starts to cycle like crazy.

CUT TO:

INT. SMALL CYCLING STUDIO – 15 Minutes later

Brandy is entirely soaked by sweat.

A KNOCK on the door.

BRANDY
Success-driven coach of promising young talent?

The door opens, and PHILLIP (59), a very athletic guy in a casual but sportive outfit, steps in. He carries a cooler.

PHILLIP
Yes… that’s me and myself. Here comes your personal Gatorade deliverer.

Brandy stops cycling and wipes off the sweat.

Phillip locks the door behind him. He walks across the studio to pose the cooler beside the small fridge.

BRANDY
Can you put them right into the fridge?

PHILLIP
That’s what I’m here for.

Phillip puts some Gatorade into the fridge. At the bottom of the cooler, two blood IV bags become visible.

BRANDY
Armstrong, Pantani… I’m on my way…

Phillip puts on a reassuring smile.

PHILLIP
You got the right attitude for your first race…
(pause)
and you’ll rise to the top with me. I promise.
(pause)
The only thing…

Phillip opens his vest, grabs some syringes and needles, and puts them on the fridge.

PHILLIP
The blood is fresh, and we must do it within the next few hours.

Brandy looks frightened.

BRANDY
I… I can’t do this!

PHILLIP
Trust me… you can do it even yourself… subcutaneously… really easy.

Heavy KNOCKING on the door?

Phillip looks at Brandy, puzzled.

PHILLIP
Somebody after us?

Brandy shrugs.

The KNOCKING gets more intense.

BRANDY
Who is it?

POLICE OFFICER 1 (O.S.)
Police… open the door.

BRANDY
I’m in a training cycle…

The closed-door shakes from the attempts to open it.

Phillip grabs the two blood IV bags and rushes to the toilet.

BRANDY
Coming…

Brandy opens a water bottle and sprinkles her face with it. Then she approaches the door.

POLICE OFFICER 2
Brandy? Brandy De… Deneve?

Brandy rolls her eyes.

BRANDY
Deneuve… it’s French, like Catherine Deneuve.

The police officers look around suspiciously.

POLICE OFFICER 1
Are you on your own… Madame?

BRANDY
No… my coach is… in the bathroom.

POLICE OFFICER 1
What’s his name?

BRANDY
Phillip Nash.

Police officer 2 approaches the bathroom door.

POLICE OFFICER 2
Are you in here, Mr. Nash? Please step out.

FLUSHING of toilet and WATER RUNNING from hand washing.

PHILLIP
I’m sorry… but my mother told me not to skip the hand-washing part.

Philipp steps out and looks puzzled as he sees the police officers.

PHILLIP
Good afternoon, gentlemen. How can we help you?

POLICE OFFICER 1
Who’s car is the red Toyota? 6 TRJ 244?
(pause)
We got a notice of severe speed driving.

Police officer 2 walks around and inspects the studio. Brandy notices the syringes and needles on the fridge.

She gets close to the fridge.

BRANDY
It’s my car… but…
(pause)
Somebody wants something to drink?

She gets the syringes and needles and opens the door of the fridge.

BRANDY
A Gatorade?

Phillip realizes that Brandy wants to hide the syringes and clears his throat.

PHILLIP
Yes, it’s her car… but I was driving… I’m really sorry, but I was in a hurry.

Brandy hides the syringes and needles in the fridge.

She looks at Phillip in disbelief.

POLICE OFFICER 1
We have to take you both to the police station to get some verification on this matter.

PHILLIP
I’m really sorry, Brandy…
(pause)
I’m her coach, and she should not get involved in this…
(pause)
She is in a critical training phase…

BRANDY
If you need me… let me know, and I’ll join you. Is that a deal?
(theatrical toward Phillip)
I would have never thought that you speed drive with my car… We’ll talk about this later.

Phillip nods, guilt-ridden.

POLICE OFFICER 1
Sorry, Miss Deneve.

BRANDY
Deneuve!

The two officers grab Phillip.

PHILLIP
Can you handle the situation without me?

Brandy gives him a thumbs up.

INT. POLICE STATION, INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Brandy sits at the interrogation table. Police officer 1 and 2 enter.

POLICE OFFICER 1
Bonjour, Miss Deneuve.

He throws some surveillance camera pictures on the table.

Brandy has a closer look. It’s obvious, that it’s her behind the steering wheel.

POLICE OFFICER 2
We got the order to release Mr. Nash immediately and take you into custody instead… speed driving, hiding crucial information.

They look at Brandy with disgust.

POLICE OFFICER 1
It’s up to your lawyer to come up with a reasonable justification for such behavior.
(pause)
Shall we get you one?

Brandy opens her bag and takes out some printed screenshots from a surveillance camera with the date and time on them. She spreads the pictures in front of the police officers.

POLICE OFFICER 2
That’s the time when we were at your studio.

The police officers look at the pictures where Phillip enters the toilet, opens the trash can, and puts some bags into it.

POLICE OFFICER 1
What do you want to show us?

Brandy opens her bag again and throws the two blood IV bags on the table.

BRANDY
It’s my blood.

The police officers cringe.

BRANDY
Remember Lance Armstrong? Remember Marco Pantani? They all did it…

The police officers nod.

BRANDY
Autohemotherapy… He forced me to do it as well… I saw no other way out.
(pause)
Maybe it’s time for a lawyer… do you know a good one?

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment was, I think my persons’ trait were already well developed but it was still possible to elevate them.

From:

ALEX: self-absorbed, inattentive, dominant, and calculating

EVE: Rebellious, enthusiastic, confrontational, sensitive

CORRIE: Avoidant, whitewashing, scheming, understanding

To:

ALEX: Inattentive, rational, patronizing, narrow-minded

EVE: Rebellious, enthusiastic, confrontational, sensitive

CORRIE: Avoidant, whitewashing, scheming, opportunistic

ALEX/EVE

Rapport: It’s a classical father/daughter tension relationship.

Conflict: He wants it the classical way, she is rebellious whatever he does or want.

Contrast: Not just age, but the way the approach. He with knowledge and experience, she wants the opposite.

Competition: The competition comes more from her because she wants to prove herself. He does not have to prove himself.

Subtext: They want each other’s approval but it’s hard to show their affection and admiration for each other – it always turns into a concurrence.

ALEX/ CORRIE

Rapport: It’s an “old couple” relationship.

Conflict: He feels like being the head of the family and knowing where things go.

Contrast: He is the brainer, she is the heart and intuitive person.

Competition: They both want to be doing their own thing.

Subtext: After many years, they got their routines.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

LOGLINE: The transgender women Renee and Maxine are at the beauty farm when Renee gets the phone call that she is HIV positive.

ESSENCE: Even best friends can betray each other.

TRAIT CHANGED: Renee
from conformist to upbeat drama queen.

OVER BLACK
MID-NOUGHTIES

RENEE (O.S.)
Patricia, honey… can you liberate me from the veggies, please?

MAXINE (O.S.)
Alas, I want to indulge this 24K gold as long as possible.
(beat)
Uh… any news from the lab?

RENEE (O.S.)
So sweet you care… no.

BEEPING SOUND of an alarm. TRIPPING FOOTSTEPS approach.

RENEE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Patricia? Hon?

The black screen abruptly turns into glaring white.

INT. BEAUTY FARM- FACIAL STUDIO – MORNING
Two transgender women RENEE and MAXINE in their thirties are lying on treatment chairs side by side. They wear white robes and their faces are plastered with gold beauty masks.
Patricia holds the two cucumber slices from Renee in her hands. She wants to dispose them.

RENEE
Patricia… have them wrapped for my rabbit… individually, please.

Patricia liberates Maxine from her cucumbers as well.

MAXINE
Rabbit? You got a rodent?
(whispering)
Don’t beg her for everything.

Renee and Maxine rub their eyes and stare at each other.

MAXINE (CONT’D)
What about this bunny?

Renee makes an explicit gesture for sexual intercourse.

MAXINE (CONT’D)
Mark?

RENEE
Yep, he craves for cucumbers.

MAXINE
(with a broken voice)
I don’t like when you rabbit Mark… He’s such a…

Renee pats Maxine’s hand.

RENEE
Sorry, sweetie…

Maxine blinks and turns away to hide her tears.

INT. BEAUTY FARM – NAIL STUDIO – MORNING
Renee and Maxine sit side by side at white tables and have their nails done simultaneously by Patricia and Silvia.

MAXINE
Sorry… before… I’m just so emotionally fragile…

Maxine blinks again.

RENEE
Emotionally fragile?

MAXINE
A birthday, simply a birthday.
(beat)
Don’t stab me in the back with this… ok?
(beat)
Vow.

Renee nods understandingly.

RENEE
Speaking of vow… can you zip it?

Maxine nods curiously.

RENEE (CONT’D)
Tonight, we fete birthday and betrothal.

Maxine’s face undergoes an instant aging.

RENEE (CONT’D)
I want this to be like Mark Anthony and Cleopatra… everlasting ardor.
(beat)
Wanna see the rock?

Renee’s mobile phone RINGS.

MAXINE
(whispering)
Betrothal? Betrayal. Such a snake.

Renee tries to reach for the mobile phone without the nails touching anything.

PATRICIA
Careful… your nails…

Renee looks at the number and shrugs.

RENEE
Coucou… yes…
(beat)
It’s me… Renee… Renee Fauxcul.
(beat)
Yes… uh-huh… yes…

Renee turns pale.

RENEE (CONT’D)
Are… you, I mean… are you sure?

Renee nods and bites her lips.

Renee throws herself at Maxine.

MAXINE
I’m sure you wrecked my nails.

Renee looks devastated. Patricia hands Renee a tissue, gets up and signals Silvia to get up as well.

PATRICIA
We’ll have an espresso…

Renee looks gratefully and sobs.

RENEE
That was the lab…

MAXINE
Oh well… they took their time.

RENEE
It’s… positive. I mean… I’m positive.

Maxine shakes her head.

RENEE (CONT’D)
Positive? Oh lord!

Maxine nods.

MAXINE
What about Mark?

RENEE
Mark?
(pause)
I gonna look like Freddy… towards the end.

Renee sobs.

Maxine holds Renee’s head.

MAXINE
Listen darling, nobody with HIV looks like Freddy anymore…. Nobody. They got great medicine and you will live for years and nobody will even know.
(beat)
Look at me…

RENEE
What?

Maxine avoids eye contact and distract by putting up a big smile.

MAXINE
I mean… look at me… it’s not about how we look… it’s about how we feel, no?

Renee sobs and nods.

MAXINE (CONT’D)
What about Mark?

RENEE
Mark? When shall I tell him?
Before or after the party?
(beat)
Or not at all?

MAXINE
Cancel the party and talk to him.

Renee stares at the ceiling.

RENEE
I only live once.

Maxine clears her throat.

MAXINE
Do you know… from whom?

Renee hesitates but leans over towards Maxine.

RENEE
(whispering into Maxine’s ear)
Presumptively Geoffrey… at this obscure opera orgy.

Maxine’s eyes widen, she fans herself, exhales heavily and shakes her head.

MAXINE
That’s the destiny of a big-game hunter… deadly fun.

RENEE
Can you take this to your grave?

MAXINE
Positive… I dig it.

Renee rolls her eyes.

MAXINE (CONT’D)
Sorry, dearie.

INT. RENEE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON
The luxurious kitchen is a beehive. Preparations for the opulent party are in full gear.
Renee looks upset and gives instructions.
When a good looking caterer rushes by, she pats his butt.
The DOORBELL RINGS.
Renee opens the door, the postman hands over her the large parcel with red stickers CAUTION: THIS SIDE UP.
Renee unwraps the parcel and discovers the cage with a rabbit in it, a letter as well.
Renee opens the cage, the rabbit jumps out and scampers away.
Renee does not even try to catch it. She opens the letter and reads.

RENEE
(shakily)
Renee… you know, Geoffrey was a no go… I’m heartbroken… by the time you read these words, the rabbit is already gone… His name is rocky but he doesn’t listen to it.
(beat)
Courage.
(beat)
And sorry about the positive news.
(beat)
I’m positive too… from Maxine.

Renee drops the letter. She wants to reach out for the chair, trips over the empty cage, falls and hits the ground.

Renee lies on the floor unconsciously.

Just minutes later, The DOORBELL RINGS several times and is followed by HEAVY KNOCKING.

MAXINE (O.S.)
It’s me… your tower of strength… Maxine.

The camera focuses on the back of the letter lying on the floor. It reads:

LETTER
PS… careful when you change the litter… there is a hunting knife. M.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Logline: A mother bear chooses the two most opposed bear youngsters to collect honey from the wild bees to secure their survival before winter starts.

Essence: Two young bears have to secure the survival of the bear family.

EXT. WILD RIVER LANDSCAPE, CANADA – DAY
Mama bear catches fresh salmons in the sunshine. Several bear cubs romp around on the riverbank.
Suddenly a large cloud covers the sun. Mama bear looks up anxiously and sniffs.

MAMA BEAR
Snow?

The cubs freeze and look toward their mother, also anxiously.

SQUIRE
So what! Let’s keep playing.
(pause)
Here Looli, catch the fish… you’re great at that.

Mama bear shakes her head.

NANCY
Squire! Stop up! Remember last year?

The bear cubs start to whine. Nancy whispers.

NANCY
We had a terrible winter… thanks to… Squire.

The bear cubs nod.

SQUIRE
Hmm… yes… but… we finally had a great winter sleep.

NANCY
Don’t play the innocent… we did not starve during winter because mama had good provisions and… I made sure that all the food got split equally.
(pause)
Remember, guys, I took good care of you?

The cubs nod. Squire nestles against his mother.

SQUIRE
But… I helped too? No, mom?

Mama bear shakes her head and pets Squire.

MAMA BEAR
I remember that you got yourself the biggest fish…

Mama bear stops laughing when suddenly heavy snowfall sets in.

Mama bear scratches her head and looks desperate. She picks a daisy and tears off the petals, one by one, whispering incomprehensibly.

The bear cubs cluster around their mother. When mama bear tears off the last petal, she sights.

MAMA BEAR
Ok… remember we agreed to do your wildlife graduation at the end of summer?

NANCY
Yes!

MAMA BEAR
We have to do it now… otherwise…
(pause)
We might starve to death.

The bear cubs freeze.

SQUIRE
But I did not have enough time to prepare…

NANCY
Nobody had…

MAMA BEAR
Nancy and Squire – stop! You will go and get the honeycomb. Now! And this is not just for fun… if you get the honey back, you already get your graduation – and next year… you’ll be with the adults.

Squire gets even closer to mama bear.

SQUIRE
I bring you all the honey, promised mom… but please… not with Nancy… she is way too…

Nancy gets between Squire and mama bear. She gets very close to her ear.

NANCY
Mom… Squire will keep the honey for himself… you know it. Let me go with Lolli… he’s stronger and faster… and not so egotistical.

Mama bear shakes her head.

MAMA BEAR
I have my reasons… it’s you two… and hurry up… and remember… it’s in your paws if we’ll pass a good winter.

Nancy and Squire loot at each other in disgust.

MAMA BEAR
Come back quickly… straight to our cave.

The bear cubs wave goodbye as Nancy and Squire disappear in the heavy snowfall.

EXT. FOREST, CANADA – DAY
The ground is slightly covered with snow. Some fresh human footprints in it.

EXT. FOREST, CANADA
Nancy stumps through the snow. Squire follows her and chases snowflakes. Nancy stands on her back paws and looks around.

SQUIRE
I’ve never seen such large snowflakes…

NANCY
Come on… where is the tree again?

SQUIRE
Why don’t you search for the tree and then come back!

Nancy pushes Squire in front of her.

NANCY
This is serious. Do you remember where the tree stands?

SQUIRE
Of course… just follow me.

Squire runs ahead, and Nancy follows him until they arrive at the bottom of a big tree. There is a giant bees’ nest a bit further up.

SQUIRE
Let me get up there…

NANCY
Of course… as soon as you’re up there… you’ll grab the biggest part for yourself… it would have been so much better with Lolli…

Squire dances in the snow.

SQUIRE
You know… I’m the better climber…

NANCY
Maybe… but mama bear chose me because I care for the others…

Squire starts to climb. The branches are already covered with snow and very slippery. Nancy tries to climb as well.

NANCY
Let me do it…

Squire pushes Nancy down from above. But Nancy does not give up.

NANCY
Stop it…

Squire throws snow at Nancy. But Nancy tries to get to the bee’s nest by climbing other branches.

Squire is definitively the better climber and reaches the bee’s nest first. He carefully watches it.

NANCY
Let me open it… I saw mama do it… you might get hurt…

Suddenly, a couple of gun SHOTS. Squire groans and Nancy sees blood dripping into the white snow.

NANCY
Squire? Squire!

Nancy looks to the top and sees Squire holding on to a branch without moving. Nancy quickly climbs backward, always looking back up.

NANCY
Squire… are you hurt?

Suddenly, Squire falls from the branch and lands right before Nancy. Nancy does not really see Squire. He is covered with bees.

NANCY
You’re bleeding…

Nancy tries to wipe the bees off Squire.

Another couple of gun SHOTS.

SQUIRE
I’m out of here…

Squire gets up and starts to run, the bees following him. Nancy follows Squire.

NANCY
Are you ok?

Also, Nancy is now covered with bees, and the entire swarm follows them as they run through the forest.

INT. CAVE, CANADA – DAY
Mama bear looks worried. The bear cubs play around.

MAMA BEAR
Let me have a look outside… see if they’re soon back.

Mama bear gets up and walks outside the cave. There is already a lot of snow, and she looks worried.
Suddenly she sees her two cubs approaching. They’re running like hell.

MAMA BEAR
What a dream team.

Then she squints her eyes.

MAMA BEAR
What’s this strange…
(pause)
Oh no!

Mama bear turns around quickly and starts to run toward the cave.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

EXT. WILD RIVER LANDSCAPE, CANADA – DAY
Mama bear catches fresh salmons in the sunshine. Several bear cubs romp around on the riverbank.
Suddenly a large cloud covers the sun. Mama bear looks up anxiously and sniffs.
MAMA BEAR
Snow?
The cubs freeze and look toward their mother, also anxiously.
SQUIRE
So what! Let’s keep playing.
MAMA BEAR
Squire… this is serious… remember last year?
The other cubs start to whine.
SQUIRE
Hmm… yes… but… we finally had a great winter sleep.
NANCY
Don’t play the innocent… we did not starve during winter because mama had good provisions and… I made sure that all the food got split equally.
(pause)
Remember, guys, I took good care of you?
The cubs nod. Squire nestles against his mother.
SQUIRE
But… I helped too? No, mom?
Mama bear shakes her head and pets Squire.
MAMA BEAR
I remember that you got yourself the biggest fish…
Mama bear stops laughing when suddenly heavy snowfall sets in.
MAMA BEAR
I have to change plans… otherwise…
The bear cubs cluster around their mother.
MAMA BEAR
Remember we agreed to do your wildlife graduation at the end of summer?
NANCY
Yes!
MAMA BEAR
We have to do it now… otherwise, it might be too late.
SQUIRE
But I did not have enough time to prepare…
NANCY
Nobody had…
MAMA BEAR
Nancy and Squire – stop! You will go and get the honeycomb. Now! And this is not just for fun… if you get the honey back, you already get your graduation – and next year… you’ll be with the adults.
Squire gets even closer to mama bear.
SQUIRE
I bring you all the honey, promised mom… but please… not with Nancy… she is way too…
Nancy gets between Squire and mama bear. She gets very close to her ear.
NANCY
Mom… Squire will keep the honey for himself… you know it. Let me go with Lolli… he’s stronger and faster… and not so egotistical.
Mama bear shakes her head.
MAMA BEAR
I have my reasons… it’s you two… and hurry up… and remember… it’s in your paws if we’ll pass a good winter.
Nancy and Squire loot at each other in disgust.
MAMA BEAR
Come back quickly… straight to our cave…
The bear cubs wave goodbye as Nancy and Squire disappear in the heavy snowfall.
EXT. FOREST, CANADA – DAY
The ground is slightly covered with snow. Some fresh human footprints in it.
EXT. FOREST, CANADA
Nancy stumps through the snow. Squire follows her and chases snowflakes. Nancy stands on her back paws and looks around.
SQUIRE
I’ve never seen such large snowflakes…
NANCY
Come on… where is the tree again?
SQUIRE
Why don’t you search for the tree and then come back!
Nancy pushes Squire in front of her.
NANCY
This is serious. Do you remember where the tree stands?
SQUIRE
Of course… just follow me.
Squire runs ahead, and Nancy follows him until they arrive at the bottom of a big tree. There is a giant bees’ nest a bit further up.
SQUIRE
Let me get up there…
NANCY
Of course… as soon as you’re up there… you’ll grab the biggest part for yourself… it would have been so much better with Lolli…
Squire dances in the snow.
SQUIRE
You know… I’m the better climber…
NANCY
Maybe… but mama bear chose me because I care for the others…
Squire starts to climb. The branches are already covered with snow and very slippery. Nancy tries to climb as well.
NANCY
Let me do it…
Squire pushes Nancy down from above. But Nancy does not give up.
NANCY
Stop it…
Squire throws snow at Nancy. But Nancy tries to get to the bee’s nest by climbing other branches.
Squire is definitively the better climber and reaches the bee’s nest first. He carefully watches it.
NANCY
Let me open it… I saw mama do it… you might get hurt…
Suddenly, a couple of gun SHOTS. Squire groans, and Nancy sees blood dripping into the white snow.
NANCY
Squire? Squire!
Nancy looks to the top and sees Squire holding on to a branch without moving. Nancy quickly climbs backward, always looking back up.
NANCY
Squire… are you hurt?
Suddenly, Squire falls from the branch and lands right before Nancy. Nancy does not really see Squire. He is covered with bees.
NANCY
You’re bleeding…
Nancy tries to wipe the bees off Squire.
Another couple of gun SHOTS.

SQUIRE
I’m out of here…
Squire gets up and starts to run, the bees following him. Nancy follows Squire.
NANCY
Are you ok?
Also, Nancy is now covered with bees, and the entire swarm follows them as they run through the forest.
INT. CAVE, CANADA – DAY
Mama bear looks worried. The bear cubs play around.
MAMA BEAR
Let me have a look outside… see if they’re soon back.
Mama bear gets up and walks outside the cave. There is already a lot of snow, and she looks worried.
Suddenly she sees in the distance her two cubs approaching. They’re running like hell.
MAMA BEAR
I never would have thought that they were back so quickly.
(pause)
What a dream team.
Then she squints her eyes.
MAMA BEAR
But what’s this strange hum?

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that there are always occasions on every level to intensify an already existing scene that was great and make it even better.

Scene 1

Logline: While Luke holds a small birthday reception for Alex, Flavia wants to convince Alex to be part of the student’s commission.

Essence: Alex gets a new professional perspective.

List of possible challenges

A. Goal: Go home soon and keep it light.
Have a discussion that takes longer
Having to hide that he hates birthdays

B. Needs: To hide personal issues.
Mirai is brough up as a topic
Flavia wants to invite him to the committee and he does not want to go
Having to say why he hates birthdays – again

C. Values: Trust and authority

He wants to brag about his authority, then Mirai knocks on the door

He does not know what Flavia is talking about and looks stupid

D. Wound: His personal health issues

Alex starts to sweat
Alex does not remember the names

Alex forgets something and has to return to the office later

E. Physical: Something happening at the apero

He confuses something essential (wasabi for guacamole)
He drops the glass

He spills something on the president

Summary:
The scene is already a challenge for Alex, but with these “small” enhancements here and there, it fortifies the dramatic impact on Alex who just wanted to have a very quick in and out situation for his birthday apero.

Scene 2

Logline: Corrie and Eve are in a garden center to buy a gift for Alex.

Essence: Corrie needs to buy something that does not feel like a gift.

List of possible challenges

A. Goal: Get a gift that does not feel like a gift
Corrie gets the wrong gift
Eve opposes her idea and comes up with a new idea
Corrie has a flashback of a former birthday which went completely wrong

B. Needs: To hide her personal issues
It turns out the sales person is a friend from childhood and knows all her issues

Eve knows the issues and makes fun of it in front of the sales person

C. Values: Love, money

The sales persons mentions that the bigger the gift, the bigger the love
Eve sings a song about it and makes fun of Corrie

D. Wound: Experiencing poverty

Corrie gets convinced to buy something that is too expensive

Corrie has to say something is too expensive (although it’s not expensive)

Eve mentions her trauma in front of the sales person

E. Physical: Something happening at the garden center

A part of the garden house breaks

A flower pot falls off the shelve

Corrie’s check bounces

Summary:
A quick visit a the garden center to shop something for Alex’s birthday becomes a situation which shows the traumatic childhood experience Corrie went through. It also shows how a small action, like buying a gift for Alex turns out to be a major challenge because of Alex’s issues with birthdays.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Full-out Characters

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is I really did this exercise very carefully and it took me a very long time – but I think it was so worth it. I will go back to all my figures and do it.

CURRENT profiles

Description: ALEX is a professor for growth economics who wants to avoid dealing with his aging issues.

Traits: self-absorbed, inattentive, dominant, and calculating.

Subtext: Alex hates his birthday because his father’s birthday was on the same day, and he died on his 65. Birthday party.

Description: EVE is Alex’s daughter who thinks it’s her mission to keep the family together.

Traits: possessive, pedantic, vulnerable, and manipulative.

Subtext: Eve wants to have time with her dad – and also wants to keep the family together.

Description: CORRIE is Alex’s wife who plans her professional comeback after years of putting back.

Traits: indecisive, avoiding confrontation, pleasing everybody, and scheming.

Subtext: Corrie experienced poverty when she was a child and does anything to keep her living standard.

REVISED profiles

Description: ALES (64) is a professor for growth economics who wants to become the new dean to prove his credo that everything is possible.

Traits: Inattentive, rational, patronizing, original

Subtext: Alex wants professional success to cover up his issues with aging.

Description: EVE (13) is the teenage daughter who wants to prevent her father from becoming the new dean because she thinks everything was better in the old days.

Traits: Rebellious, enthusiastic, confrontational, sensitive

Subtext: Eve fights every change because she longs for a past harmony.

Description: CORRIE (49) is Alex’s wife who tries to solve their problems by fleeing into dreaming and avoiding reality.

Traits: Avoidant, whitewashing, scheming, understanding

Subtext: Corrie whitewashes problems to cover up her fear from experiencing poverty again.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s rewrite QE cycle 2 for feedback

Logline: Monk John wants monk Nikolaos to confess the sexual abuses he committed.

Essence: John makes the biggest sacrifice to get to the truth.

Scene:

EXT. FORECOURT MONASTERY – DAY

JOHN (76), in a monk’s cowl, drops an envelope in a letterbox.

He crosses the forecourt of a monastery. He looks up at the large church clock.

When it hits half past five, John unlocks the wooden door to the church tower and disappears behind it.

INT. CHURCH TOWER, STAIRCASE – DAY

John gasps when he climbs the steep stairs. He lifts his habit so he does not stumble over it.

When he arrives at the level where the clocks hang, there is a little niche with a cross. John crosses himself.

JOHN

And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.

EXT. CHURCH TOWER TOP – DAY

John arrives on top, very exhausted. He gazes over the city calmly when the clock hits a quarter to five o’clock.

Then he listens carefully when he hears somebody coming up the stairs with heavy steps.

NICK

Brother John? Already up there – or do you need some help?

JOHN

Brother Nikolaos?

NICK (46) arrives on top of the church tower.

NICK

My god… why so formal?

John stands in front of Nick and holds his arms apart. Nick smiles sneakily.

NICK

This is no passion play.

JOHN

Don’t you want to search me?

NICK

Of course not… you’re a minister of God, his most loyal one…

JOHN

I could have a recording device.

Nick laughs.

NICK

Even if you had one… it would not be of much use.

JOHN

Why?

(pause)

Do you have a gun?

Nick spreads his arms. John searches Nick but does not find anything.

JOHN

Why do we have to meet up here? The confessional booth in the church is more practical.

NICK

I don’t want to confess… I just want to talk to you.

JOHN

It’s about time…

NICK

Did you already send the accusations along to the bishop?

JOHN

No, not yet. I want to hear from you…

NICK

Well done… I see there is still some good spirit left, then.

JOHN

All that matters, is the truth…. and I want it to hear from you…

NICK

These allegations are lies, that’s the truth.

John turns around and loosens a stone in the wall. Takes out a gun from behind the rock and points it at Nick.

Nick tries to hide that he is losing his confidence.

NICK

You… and a gun? This is not in the name of the lord…

JOHN

In the name of the lord… I will play this game… with different rules than you might expect.

NICK

What do you want me to say?

JOHN

As I said… the truth.

NICK

You threaten me… even if I would admit everything they say… it will be a forced confession and that… you cannot use in court.

JOHN

Bright as usual… that’s why I have a different plan… I actually want to help you.

Nick relaxes a bit.

JOHN

You might not know… but I’m terminally ill… maybe a couple more months to live… and then that’s it.

Nick smiles.

NICK

I’m sorry to hear that.

JOHN

Therefore my plan… you confess to me… I give you the absolution, and you shut me with this gun with all my fingerprints, and it looks like… a suicide… the bishop knows I’m terminally ill…

Nick smiles even more.

NICK

That’s brilliant… you’re… I love the idea of absolution…

JOHN

Up to you.

Nick gets nervous.

NICK

First, there was this incident with Maya…

All the church bells start RINGING at six o’clock for a long time.

Nick shouts a John, but his words are drowned by the sound of the bells for the audience. John understands what Nick says and nods.

After a couple of minutes the bells stop ringing. Nick sits down.

NICK

I feel better now… when it’s all out… thank you for doing this…

John still shakes his head in disbelief.

NICK

Where is the gun?

Nick smiles again.

JOHN

Oh… let’s not forget the absolution… can you give me my absolution before killing myself… before I absolve you?

Nick stops smiling.

NICK

Is this a trick?

(pause)

Why not? I love this absolution game.

Nicks goes toward John and puts his hand on John’s front.

NICK

Deinde ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus sancti. Amen.

John smiles at Nick, and Nick smiles back.

JOHN

Let me take a final look at mother earth before I join our father in heaven…

He approaches the reeling of the church tower, leans over it, and throws himself over the reeling with a yank.

NICK

John! What about…

Nick watches John falling down the tower in disbelief.

NICK

My absolution?

INT. BISHOP’S RESIDENCY, DAY

The hand in white gloves with a bishop’s ring opens an envelope with a prestigious letter opener.

The BISHOP reads the letter and MUMBLES incomprehensibly.

BISHOP

(reading)

Reverend… by the time you read this, I’m already with the lord.

(pause)

If I ended my life by suicide by jumping off the church tower, all the allegations against the priest, Nikolaos Salvatore, are true… The sacrifice of my life is proof of it.

The bishop drops the letter, and it floats to the floor.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Logline: Priest John wants priest Nick to confess all the sexual abuses he committed.

Essence: John makes the biggest sacrifice to get to the truth.

Scene:

EXT. FORECOURT CHURCH – DAY

JOHN (76), in a priest gown, drops an envelope in a letterbox.

He crosses the forecourt of a church. He looks up at the large church clock.

When it hits half past five, John unlocks the wooden door to the church tower and disappears behind it.

INT. CHURCH TOWER, STAIRCASE – DAY

John gasps when he climbs the steep stairs. He lifts his gown so he does not stumble over it.

When he arrives at the level where the clocks hang, there is a little niche with a cross. John touches it.

JOHN

I place my soul in your hands.

EXT. CHURCH TOWER TOP – DAY

John arrives on top, very exhausted. He gazes over the city calmly when the clock hits a quarter to six o’clock.

Then he listens carefully when he hears somebody coming up the stairs with heavy steps.

NICK

John? Already up there – or do you need some help?

JOHN

Nick?

NICK (46) arrives on top of the church tower.

NICK

I was wondering if you were going to make it up here.

John stands in front of Nick and holds his arms apart.

JOHN

Do you want to search me?

NICK

Of course not… you’re a minister of God, his most loyal one… I don’t fear you.

JOHN

I could have a recording device.

Nick laughs.

NICK

You? You’re just an old, lonely bastard… if yes, let me know, and I’ll help you to put it on.

JOHN

You’re a minister of God, too… spread your arms.

NICK

Forget it… I will never…

JOHN

Spread your arms! Now!

John searches Nick but does not find anything.

JOHN

So, why do we have to meet up here? The confessional booth is down in the church…

NICK

I just want to talk to you… privately…

JOHN

It’s about time…

NICK

Did you already send the accusations along to the bishop?

JOHN

No… I wanted to talk to you first.

NICK

Well done… I see there is still some good spirit left, then.

JOHN

I’m just here to find out the truth… nothing but the truth.

NICK

Of course, we all want the truth and nothing else…

John turns around and loosens a stone in the wall. Takes out a gun from behind the rock and points it at Nick.

Nick tries to hide that he is losing his confidence.

NICK

You… and a gun? This is not in the name of the lord…

JOHN

In the name of the lord… I will play this game… with different rules than you might expect.

NICK

What do you want me to say?

JOHN

I want to hear if the allegations of these young women are true.

NICK

You threaten me… even if I confess whatever you want to hear… this will be a forced confession that you cannot use in court.

JOHN

Bright as usual… that’s why I have a different plan… I actually want to help you.

Nick relaxes a bit.

JOHN

You might not know… but I’m terminally ill… maybe a couple more months to live… and then that’s it.

Nick smiles.

NICK

I’m sorry to hear that.

JOHN

Therefore my plan… you confess to me… I give you the absolution, and you shut me with this gun with all my fingerprints, and it looks like… a suicide… the bishop knows I’m terminally ill…

Nick smiles even more.

NICK

That’s brilliant… you’re… I love the idea of absolution…

JOHN

Enough of getting off the track… what happened with…

Nick gets nervous.

NICK

First, there was this incident with Maya…

All the church bells start RINGING at six o’clock for a long time.

Nick shouts a John, but his words are drowned by the sound of the bells for the audience. John understands what Nick says and nods.

When the bells stop ringing. Nick sits down.

NICK

I feel better now… when it’s all out… thank you for doing this…

John still shakes his head in disbelief.

NICK

Where is the gun?

Nick smiles again.

JOHN

Oh… let’s not forget the absolution… can you give me my absolution before killing myself… before I absolve you?

Nick stops smiling.

NICK

Is this a trick?

(pause)

Why not? I love this absolution game…

Nicks goes toward John and puts his hand on John’s front.

NICK

Deinde ego te absolvo a peccatis tuis in nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus sancti. Amen.

John smiles at Nick, and Nick smiles back.

JOHN

Let me take a final look at mother earth before I join our father in heaven…

He approaches the reeling of the church tower, leans over it, and throws himself over the reeling with a yank.

NICK

What about…

Nick watches John in disbelief.

NICK

What about… me?

INT. BISHOP’S RESIDENCY, DAY

The hand in white gloves with a bishop’s ring opens an envelope with a prestigious letter opener.

The BISHOP reads the letter and MUMBLES incomprehensibly.

BISHOP

(reading)

Reverend… by the time you read this, I’m already with the lord.

(pause)

If I ended my life by suicide by jumping off the church tower, all the allegations against the priest, Nicolas Salvatore, are true… The sacrifice of my life is proof of it.

The
bishop drops the letter, and it floats to the floor.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s scene ready for feedback.

INT. NOBLE HOTEL, LOBBY – NIGHT
ROBERT (33) dressed to the nines in a tuxedo looks around nervously. He approaches the front desk in an overly self-assertive manner.
ROBERT
I’m here for the birthday gala… where…
RECEPTION LADY
Good evening, sir. How are you doing?
ROBERT
Ah… good evening… hmm, I’m looking for the… Mr. Byron Birthday Gala… Mr. Trent Byron.
The Reception lady smiles and shakes her head.
RECEPTION LADY
I’m sorry Sir. We got no event scheduled for tonight.
Robert reaches into his pocket and takes out an amazing looking invitation. He hands it to the reception lady.
A clerk behind the desk nudges his colleague. They try to stay serious. Robert notices it and tries to look relaxed.
ROBERT
I’m probably a bit early.
(pause)
I could wait and have a drink.
RECEPTION LADY
Why don’t you have a seat in our lounge over there – just behind the flowers. I send somebody over.
Robert takes the invitation back and looks for his phone.
NINA (25) enters the lobby. She is nicely dressed but not too elegantly. She glances around and sees Robert.
NINA
Robert?
She approaches Robert and can hardly believe her eyes.
NINA
Am I missing something?
Robert is relieved to see somebody he knows, but also embarrassed because he notices the clerks realize that he is completely overdressed.
Robert takes Nina to the side and waves the invitation.
ROBERT
Trent invited me to his “birthday gala”.
NINA
Birthday gala? Trent told me that it’s just the three of us.

Robert hands her over the invitation. Nina laughs, Robert puts up a fake smile.
NINA
You should know him… he’s always a bit exaggerating.
ROBERT
Where is Trent actually?
(pause)
Are you… still together?
Nina looks puzzled.
ROBERT
Let’s go to the lounge and have a drink before our birthday kid arrives.
Nina and Robert walk towards the lounge.
ROBERT
You’re such a great looking woman…
(pause)
I really don’t know what Trent’s problem is.
NINA
What are you talking about?
Nina and Robert sit down in the lounge. Robert clears his throat.
ROBERT
I don’t know if I should tell you, but lately Trent always mentioned a “Simona”.
NINA
Simona?
ROBERT
Yes, every time I wanted to see him, he was busy… had an excuse.
Nina looks rattled.
ROBERT
I did not want to worry you… maybe it’s just work related.
(pause)
Are you actually still kickboxing?
Nina nods and bends toward Robert.
NINA
Now, when you say this… he was a bit strange lately…
Trent (30) casually dressed arrives at the lounge. He has a big smile on his face.
TRENT
Nina… Robert… I’m so happy to celebrate with you.
(pause)
Uh… Robert, nicely dressed.
Nina kisses Trent hesitantly. Robert gives Trent a big hug and squeezes him excessively. Trent pushes Robert away.
TRENT
Hey man…
Trent steps back and scrutinizes Robert with a smile. Then he takes off a hair of Robert’s shoulder.
Robert waves the invitation.
ROBERT
What about this?
Trent leans over to Robert.
TRENT
Hey man… listen… I got a problem… I was in a hurry… left my credit card and everything at home…
Robert smiles mildly.
ROBERT
Ah… I just forgot something at the desk… I’m right back.
Robert leaves the lounge quickly.
NINA
What’s the matter with you? You’re late… you do an number on Robert…
TRENT
That was funny… I asked at the front desk and they told me that he looked pretty lost…
NINA
… and what’s with this “Simona” Robert mentioned?
Trent shrugs absentmindedly because he tries to get the waiter’s attention.
The reception lady appears from behind the flowers. When she spots Trent, she walks straight toward him and hands him a nice rose together with a little envelope.
Trent looks puzzled.
Robert joins Nina and Trent nonchalantly.
ROBERT
Uh… what a nice rose.
(pause)
Are the two love birds ready for dinner?
Trent looks still puzzled. He opens the envelope and reads the card.
TRENT
Happy birthday… and love… Simona…
(pause)
Simona? Who?
Nina gets up harshly and walks towards the exit of the hotel. Trent gets up as well and follows her.
In the middle of the lobby he grabs her arm and tries to stop her.
TRENT
Let’s clear things over dinner, ok?
Nina frees herself with a perfect martial art hold and holds Trent tightly.
Everybody in the lobby stares with disbelief at the two.
TRENT
Nina darling, please believe me… somebody set me up for this.
NINA
It’s rather you, setting up everybody.
Trent glances hostilely toward Robert.
TRENT
Of course, you… Robert!
Nina deals him a heavy blow.
NINA
Happy birthday, Trent!
As Trent sinks down in the middle of the lobby as everybody stares at them in disbelief.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s first rewrite:

INT. NOBLE HOTEL, LOBBY – NIGHT
ROBERT (33) dressed to the nines in a tuxedo looks around nervously. He approaches the front desk in an overly self-assertive manner.
ROBERT
I’m here for the birthday gala… where…
RECEPTION LADY
Good evening, sir. How are you doing?
ROBERT
Ah… good evening… hmm, I’m looking for the… Mr. Byron Birthday Gala… Mr. Trent Byron.
The Reception lady smiles and shakes her head.
RECEPTION LADY
I’m sorry Sir. We got no event scheduled for tonight.
Robert reaches into his pocket and takes out an amazing looking invitation. He hands it to the reception lady.
A clerk behind the desk nudges his colleague. They try to stay serious. Robert notices it and tries to look relaxed.
ROBERT
I’m probably a bit early.
(pause)
I could wait and have a drink.
RECEPTION LADY
Why don’t you have a seat in our lounge over there – just behind the flowers. I send somebody over.
Robert takes the invitation back and looks for his phone.
NINA (25) enters the lobby. She is nicely dressed but not too elegantly. She glances around and sees Robert.
NINA
Robert?
She approaches Robert and can hardly believe her eyes.
NINA
Am I missing something?
Robert is relieved to see somebody he knows, but also embarrassed because he notices the clerks realize that he is completely overdressed.
Robert takes Nina to the side and waves the invitation.
ROBERT
Trent invited me to his “birthday gala”.
NINA
Birthday gala? Trent told me that it’s just the three of us.

Robert hands her over the invitation. Nina laughs, Robert puts up a fake smile.
NINA
You should know him… he’s always a bit exaggerating.
ROBERT
Where is Trent actually?
(pause)
Are you… still together?
Nina looks puzzled.
ROBERT
Let’s go to the lounge and have a drink before our birthday kid arrives.
Nina and Robert walk towards the lounge.
ROBERT
You’re such a great looking woman…
(pause)
I really don’t know what Trent’s problem is.
NINA
What are you talking about?
Nina and Robert sit down in the lounge. Robert clears his throat.
ROBERT
I don’t know if I should tell you, but lately Trent always mentioned a “Simona”.
NINA
Simona?
ROBERT
Yes, every time I wanted to see him, he was busy… had an excuse.
Nina looks rattled.
ROBERT
I did not want to worry you… maybe it’s just work related.
(pause)
Are you actually still kickboxing?
Nina nods and bends toward Robert.
NINA
Now, when you say this… he was a bit strange lately…
Trent (30) casually dressed arrives at the lounge. He has a big smile on his face.
TRENT
Nina… Robert… I’m so happy to celebrate with you.
(pause)
Uh… Robert, nicely dressed.
Nina kisses Trent hesitantly. Robert gives Trent a big hug and squeezes him excessively. Trent pushes Robert away.
TRENT
Hey man…
Trent steps back and scrutinizes Robert with a smile. Then he takes off a hair of Robert’s shoulder.
Robert waves the invitation.
ROBERT
What about this?
Trent leans over to Robert.
TRENT
Hey man… listen… I got a problem… I was in a hurry… left my credit card and everything at home…
Robert smiles mildly.
ROBERT
Ah… I just forgot something at the desk… I’m right back.
Robert leaves the lounge quickly.
NINA
What’s the matter with you? You’re late… you do an number on Robert…
TRENT
That was funny… I asked at the front desk and they told me that he looked pretty lost…
NINA
… and what’s with this “Simona” Robert mentioned?
Trent shrugs absentmindedly because he tries to get the waiter’s attention.
The reception lady appears from behind the flowers. When she spots Trent, she walks straight toward him and hands him a nice rose together with a little envelope.
Trent looks puzzled.
Robert joins Nina and Trent nonchalantly.
ROBERT
Uh… what a nice rose.
(pause)
Are the two love birds ready for dinner?
Trent looks still puzzled. He opens the envelope and reads the card.
TRENT
Happy birthday… and love… Simona…
(pause)
Simona? Who?
Nina gets up harshly and walks towards the exit of the hotel. Trent gets up as well and follows her.
In the middle of the lobby he grabs her arm and tries to stop her.
TRENT
Let’s clear things over dinner, ok?

Nina frees herself with a perfect martial art hold and holds Trent tightly.
Everybody in the lobby stares with disbelief at the two.
TRENT
Nina darling, please believe me… somebody set me up for this.
NINA
It’s rather you, setting up everybody.
Trent glances hostilely toward Robert.
TRENT
Of course, you… Robert!
Nina deals him a heavy blow.
NINA
Happy birthday, Trent!
As Trent sinks down in the middle of the lobby as everybody stares at them in disbelief.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

INT. NOBLE HOTEL, LOBBY – NIGHT
ROBERT (33) dressed to the nines in a tuxedo looks around nervously. He approaches the front desk in an overly self-assertive manner.
ROBERT
I’m here for the birthday gala… where…
RECEPTION LADY
Good evening, sir. How are you doing?
(pause)
How can I help you?
ROBERT
Ah… good evening… hmm, I’m looking for the… Mr. Byron Birthday Gala… Mr. Trent Byron.
The Reception lady smiles and shakes her head.
RECEPTION LADY
I’m sorry Sir… Mr. Byron? But are you sure?
Robert reaches into his pocket and takes out an amazing looking invitation.
ROBERT
Yes… here is the invitation…
He hands the invitation over to the reception lady, who looks at it.
A clerk behind the desk nudges his colleague. They try to stay serious. Robert notices it and tries to look relaxed.
ROBERT
I’m probably a bit early.
(pause)
I could wait and have a drink at the bar…
RECEPTION LADY
Sir… I’m really sorry, but we don’t have a birthday gala tonight…
Robert takes the invitation back and looks around.
RECEPTION LADY
I’m really sorry.
(pause)
Why don’t you call Mr. Byron and find out?
Robert looks for his phone.
NINA (25) enters the lobby. She is nicely dressed but not too elegantly. She glances around and sees Robert.
NINA
Robert?
She approaches Robert and can hardly believe it’s him.
NINA
What are you doing here? I mean, look at you?
Robert is relieved to see somebody he knows, but also embarrassed because he realizes he’s overdressed.
ROBERT
Are you also here for Trent’s birthday gala?
NINA
Wow, birthday gala? This sound pretty fancy. Trent just invited me and told me that it’s the three of us.
Robert hands her over the invitation.
Nina laughs, Robert puts up a fake smile.
NINA
You should know him… he’s always a bit exaggerating…
ROBERT
Where is Trent actually? Why is he not with you?
(pause)
Are you still together?
Nina laughs.
NINA
Of course, I was just working till before, so we thought it’s better to meet here… but I don’t know why he wrote you such an invitation…
ROBERT
Let’s go to the bar and have a drink till our birthday kid arrives.
Nina and Robert go to the bar.
ROBERT
You look great… I mean, we have not seen each other for a while.
NINA
Yes, what are you up to?
Robert looks quietly at Nina.
NINA
What’s wrong?
Robert clears his throat.
ROBERT
You’re such a great looking woman…
(pause)
I really don’t know what Trent’s problem is.
Nina looks critically at Robert.
ROBERT
I don’t know if I should tell you, but lately Trent always mentioned a “Simona”…
NINA
Simona?
ROBERT
Yes, every time I wanted to see him, he was busy or mentioned this Simona.
Nina looks rattled.
ROBERT
I did not want to worry you… maybe it’s just work related.
(pause)
Are you actually still kickboxing?
NINA
Now, when you say this… he was a bit strange lately…
Trent (30) casually dressed arrives at the bar. He has a big smile on his face.
TRENT
Nina… Robert… so, nice you’re here. Uh… Robert, nicely dressed.
Nina kisses Trent hesitantly. Robert gives Trent a big hug and squeezes him excessively. Trent pushes Robert away.
TRENT
Hey man…
Trent steps back and scrutinizes Robert with a smile. Then he takes off a hair of Robert’s shoulder.
TRENT
Nicely dressed, man.
Robert waves the invitation.
ROBERT
What about this?
Trent leans over to Robert.
TRENT
Hey man… listen… I got a problem… I left my credit card and everything at home…
ROBERT
So, I guess you want me to take the bill, right? After renting this tuxedo? I mean, are you ok?
TRENT
Sorry man… but I will pay you back later.
ROBERT
Why don’t you ask Nina?
(pause)
I just forgot something at the desk… I’m right back.
Robert leaves the bar quickly.
NINA
What’s the matter with you? You’re late… you do an number on Robert…
TRENT
That was funny… I asked at the front desk and they told me that he looked pretty lost…
NINA
… and what’s with this Simona… Robert mentioned you lately mentioned a Simona…
Trent shrugs.
The reception lady enters the bar. When she spots Trent, she walks straight toward him and hands him a nice rose together with a little envelope.
Trent looks puzzled.
Robert comes back nonchalantly.
ROBERT
Nina, Trent? What about some dinner? I mean… let’s celebrate Trent’s big birthday…
(pause)
It’s just the three of us, no?
Trent looks still puzzled. He opens the envelope and reads the card.
TRENT
Happy birthday… and love… Simona…
(pause)
Simona? Who?
Nina has tears in her eyes. She turns away.
NINA
I… I just quickly go to the restroom…
Robert hands her a handkerchief.
ROBERT
I’m so sorry Nina… I’ll go to the restroom with Trent as well and find out what’s up.
Nina nods and stumbles away.
Robert puts his arm around Trent’s shoulder.
ROBERT
Let’s go for a quick talk.
Trent looks terribly confused.
TRENT
Yeah man… I don’t know what’s happening here.
Robert and Trent leave the bar and walk towards the restroom.
INT. NOBLE HOTEL, MEN’S RESTROOM – NIGHT
Robert opens the door to the restroom and let’s Trent enter first.
TRENT
Oh man, somebody sets me up… I don’t know what to tell Nina…
Nina appears from behind the door and deals him a heavy blow. Trent sinks to the floor.
NINA
Happy birthday, Trent!

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that applying the interest techniques makes a big difference. I could probably go even further. This was just a first try applying some of the interest techniques.

Logline: While Luke holds a small birthday reception for Alex, Flavia wants to convince Alex to be part of the student’s commission.

Essence: Alex gets a new professional perspective.

Used interest techniques: suspense, major twist, surprise, uncertainty (hope/fear), and intrigue.

UNIVERSITY, IN FRONT OF THE DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Alex pulls himself together and wants to knock on the door, when Luke opens it unexpectedly. Alex looks surprised.

LUKE

Alex!

(pause)

Are you ok?

EVERYBODY (O.S.)

(singing)

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you… happy birthday, dear Alex, happy birthday to you.

Alex exhales deeply and looks a bit embarrassed.

ALEX

Thank you all… to you Luke… and…

(pause)

This was not necessary.

LUKE

Alex, it’s my pleasure and of course, it’s necessary…

(pause)

You’re reaching an age, where celebrating birthdays become a luxury…

Everybody laughs except Luke.

JOE

Luke, please, we’re here to celebrate and… please, will somebody pour some champagne for this still so young man?

Everybody laughs and touch each other’s glasses.

JOE

Have you heard about this latest initiative from our students’ organization?

PROFESSOR 1

Our progressive students’ organization…

Everybody is laughing.

FLAVIA

It’s the about “joining the FabLab” and it’s mostly Mirai’s idea.

ALEX

Mirai…

FLAVIA

Why don’t you join the committee? You and I could represent the faculty…

ALEX

If I had one birthday wish… it’s not become part of this Mirai guff…

JOE

Guff?

There is a heavy knocking on the door. Joe looks at the watch.

JOE

Consultation-Hour is over, Luke. This is Alex’s moment… let’s not spoil it with some…

The knocking continues. Everybody is irritated. Luke turns to the door. Alex has a nervous look.

ALEX

Maybe it’s something urgent…

Luke opens the door. Everybody gets back to the discussion. Alex tries to listen to the conversation.

LUKE (O.S.)

Not now, I don’t time…

(pause)

no…

(pause)

I mean, we’re in the middle..

(pause)

Check the consultation-Hours…

(pause)

Tomorrow, yes…

Luke closes the door and turns around. Everybody watches Luke.

LUKE

Speaking of the devil…

Everybody is laughing, Alex puts up a laugh as well.

FLAVIA

Maybe we should have a meeting… look at the proposition… I think this is this kind of idea that puts our department back on the map.

Everybody nods.

JOE

Well, that’s an excellent idea. Maybe think over it again, Alex.

Joe checks his watch.

JOE

I still have some stuff to do… it was my pleasure… Let’s set something up.

(to Alex)

I wish you an excellent continuation of your birthday… with your loved ones…

Alex approaches Luke and takes him to the side.

ALEX

Was this… Mirai?

Alex clears his throat.

ALEX

Can I tell you something quickly?

Luke opens the door to the terrace, overlooking the campus and let’s Alex step out on it. Then he follows.

LUKE

I’m not having enough occasions to profit from this great location anyway.

ALEX

Listen, today, I had an incident… I might have overreacted a bit… but, the way they treat you these days… this was just inconceivable some years ago…

LUKE

I know… also just before, I mean… Consultation-Hours are over… but they think it’s 24/7…

Luke lies his arms around Alex’s shoulder.

LUKE

Maybe it’s just us getting not any younger…

Alex nods.

ALEX

Listen, I… I even consider stop teaching…

Luke is seriously touched.

LUKE

Will this become a legal case?

ALEX

No, no way… it’s just… something I feel I can’t take it any longer… and they just get on my nerves.

Luke lets Alex go. Alex wants to make a step back toward the railing to hold on to it.

LUKE

No, no, stop right there.

Alex is irritated and stops immediately.

LUKE

Sorry, but the railing is defective.

Alex is relieved.

LUKE

It’s on my long list with things… Still to be accomplished before…

ALEX

Before… what?

LUKE

Alex… nobody knows this yet… would you like to become my successor?

ALEX

Don’t tell me that you retire! I mean… why?

LUKE

Maybe like you… I have enough… but for you, it would be perfect… much less student interaction, you know the university and are strong defender of our values… you know this place like nobody else…

ALEX

I mean… this would be… a very good solution…

LUKE

I actually think you would be perfect and I do everything to support you, my friend…

Luke opens the door to go back inside.

LUKE

Let’s toast to it…

ALEX

It’s code name is… “marathon”.

LUKE

Yes, let’s toast to “marathon”.

When they enter the office, everybody is getting ready to leave.

FLAVIA

Thank you, Luke… this was great… see you tomorrow, Alex!

EVERYBODY

See you… have a good evening.

After everybody left Luke and Alex are alone in the office.

ALEX

And… did she say what she wants?

LUKE

What do you mean?

ALEX

I mean Mirai, when she wanted to talk to you?

LUKE

Ah… that wasn’t Mirai… somebody wanted a …

(pause)

So, you’re incident was with Mirai..

ALEX

Yes… so you know, just in case she shows up…

LUKE

Don’t you worry, enjoy your evening and celebrate.

ALEX

I could have never imagined that “marathon” could become my greatest birthday present.

LUKE

Let’s hope it does not like the original marathon…

ALEX

With a breakdown?

LUKE

… death.

ALEX

You bet.

Alex laughs.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Budget

What I learned doing this assignment is that first I thought it’s not possible to make it cheaper. When thinking about it, there is always a way to change the budget in either way.

1. Cheaper version
Cut
down the number of pages
Cheaper actors
Less personal for the storming of the apartment
Have no outside shots

2. More expensive version
More outdoors weather scenes
More expensive actors
More pages
More expansive locations

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine Profiles People

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that looking around me, there are many examples of complex personalities who can give inspiring insights into character development.

Person 1

Charming

Adventurous

Profiting

Lying

Person 2

Funny

Generous

Naive

Dropout (never finish something)

Person 3

Accomplisher

Down to earth

Visionary

Slightly autistic

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine Puts Essence to Work

What I learned is that some scene had some essence but it is always good to go over it again and really look for the essence. Sometimes even the essence can be improved in a second go at it.

Script I choose: Menopausal Dad

Scene 1 Location: Opening scene

Logline: Alex lectures growth economics as usual. Mirai provokes Alex with a critical question.

Essence I’ve discovered: Alex realizes that he has changed.

New Logline: When Alex lectures as usual and gets interrupted by Mirai with a critical question, he reacts harshly. He overhears that a student mentions that he has changed.

Scene 2 Location: Garden center

Logline: Finding a birthday present for Alex.

Essence I’ve discovered: Finding a present that does not remind Alex of his birthday.

New Logline: Corrie and Eve try to find a present that helps Alex.

Scene 3 Location: Dean’s office

Logline: Luke holds an apero to celebrate Alex’s birthday

Essence I’ve discovered: Alex is fed up with teaching and wants.

New Logline: At the apero for his birthday, Alex turns down the offer to join the students’ committee only to receive a new professional opportunity as dean.

Scene 4 Location: Alex and Corrie’s car (parallel montage)

Logline: Alex and Corrie rehearse what they will say each other.

Essence I’ve discovered: Alex’s and Corrie’s vision for next year are in complete opposition.

New Logline: Alex and Corrie rehearse their opposing visions for next year.

Scene 5 Location: Birthday dinner at home

Logline: Major family argument about how to live in the future.

Essence I’ve discovered: The parents arguing leave the child in agony about her future.

New Logline: During the parents argument about their future the daughter realizes that the future of the family is at risk.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Writes Great Hope/Fear!

What did you learn doing this assignment?

It is a great tool to create non-stop excitement.

Act 1:

HOPE: The family gathers for Christmas and we hope they have good time.

FEAR: Nick is not yet here and can’t be reached.

HOPE: Nick finally arrives with an excuse.

TRIGGERING EACH OTHER: Robert blames his son for ruining Christmas.

Act 2:

TRAPPED: Robert and Anna are trapped together in the pied à Terre.

HOPE: Martha arrives as well.

INJURY: Anna suffers an abortion.

HOPE: Martha knows what to do and calls her husband Pierre for support.

Act 3:

PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES: Anna learns that Robert is not her father but Will.

HOPE: Pierre arrives to take care of Anna.

THREAT: Mega gangster Carlos arrives.

HOPE: The family can overwhelm him.

Act 4:

HOPE: Nick shows up and the family hopes he saves them.

OUT OF CONTROL: Nick is part of the drug dealer gang.

HOPE: Robert takes side for Nick and defends him.

HEART ATTACK: Robert suffers a heart attack.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s 4 Act Structure

What did you learn doing this assignment?

I’m not sure yet if the 4-act structure from one point of view works for this story because it’s a farce and everybody’s story is intertwined with each other’s. Because all of them have the same desire “to be alone” – the conflict is spread out over several persons and they all hit the beats at one point but not all of them hit all the beats.

Concept: The members of a dysfunctional family want to avoid spending Christmas together only to pursue their hidden lives and involuntary encounter each other at the family’s pied à terre.

Main conflict: The family escapes each other only to discover each other truly.

Act 1:

Opening: The family member suffers when they have to spend Christmas together.

Inciting Incident: Everybody has an excuse to leave early.

Turning Point: Robert discovers that his daughter Anna uses the pied à terre to spend time with her lover.

Act 2:

New plan: His wife Martha comes to the apartment to commit suicide.

Plan in action: His daughter Anna was pregnant from her lover and loses the baby.

Midpoint Turning Point: Robert’s lover and colleague actually wants to become dean.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Robert has to admit that Anna is not his daughter but Will’s.

New plan: Robert realizes that Pierre has not problem with Anna’s lifestyle.e

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Robert realizes that even the big gangster Carlos has a better appreciation of family than his family does.

Act 4:

Final plan: Robert discovers that his son Nick has a girlfriend who he does not dare to introduce to his family.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Robert suffers a heart attack when he realizes that his son deals with drugs.

Resolution: All the family members sing together a Christmas song.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine Delivering Multiple Layers!

What did you learn doing this assignment?

This is an amazing process that helped me to elevate the entire story. Based on this process step I will have to readjust the story.

Chosen layers

Plot

Surface layer: The family troubles take place at Christmas.

Beneath that: The entire story is a nativity play.

How Revealed: Not 100% sure yet, but the family kids play with the actual crib at the beginning, and at the end, other kids play their nativity play. The audience realizes that everybody from the story is a figure in the kids’ nativity play.

Characters

Surface layer: Everybody is just part of a normal family.

Beneath that: Every person has a role in the nativity play.

How Revealed: Not 100% sure yet, but the family kids play with the actual crib at the beginning, and at the end, other kids play their nativity play. The audience realizes that everybody from the story is a figure in the kids’ nativity play.

Location

Surface layer: The drama takes place in the pied à terre of the family.

Beneath that: The pied à terre is a crib.

How Revealed: Not 100% sure yet, but the family kids play with the actual crib at the beginning, and at the end, other kids play their nativity play. The audience realizes that everybody from the story is a figure in the kids’ nativity play.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine Finds the Essence

When I went through script to select the scenes, I realized how many scenes have essence and the essence is so basic and good – and told in an entertaining way. Theses are the reasons why the script was an Oscar winner.

Script I choose: Little Miss Sunshine

Scene 1 Location: INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Logline: RICHARD holds his class “Unleash the Winner Inside” in front of an unmotivated class.
Essence: In Richard’s teaches his credo that there are two classes of people “winners” or “losers”.

Scene 2 Location: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Logline: SHERYL picks up her brother FRANK from the clinic.
Essence: Sheryl’s brother is suicidal (we see that his wrists are bandaged and the doctor tells her to keep him away from sharp objects).

Scene 3 Location: INT. DINER – DAY
Logline: Everybody orders their meals.
Essence: What they order is an expression of their life-style and father Robert criticizes her daughter Olive to order ice cream because it makes her big and fat and that’s a sign for him for her being a loser.

Scene 4 Location: INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY
Logline: Frank buys a porn magazine for grandpa when the new lover of his professor enters the store and discovers it.
Essence: Complete humiliation for Frank in five ways: 1. he meets the new lover of his ex, 2. he has to hide his injured wrists, 3. He has to correct the way he lost his job, 4. He as a guy gay is seen as a buyer of a hetero porn magazine, and 5. The new lover tells about the encounter to the professor who tries to get a look of him.

Scene 5 Location: EXT. ON THE WATER – DAY
Logline: Outside the beauty pageant, Frank and Dwayne spend some time at the beach.

EXT. ON THE WATER – DAY

They sit on their boards and look out to sea.

FRANK

Man, it’s beautiful out here.

(beat)

I don’t know if I believe in God,

but the ocean — it’s always here

for you: infinitely bigger than you

are, and completely indifferent.

So… My version of God.

DWAYNE

Frank…?

(Frank looks over)

What’d it feel like when you cut

your wrists?

Frank takes a breath.

FRANK

You know, I wish I could tell you I

felt bad. But I didn’t. I was…

Outside the world, y’know? It was

very peaceful.

(beat)

But, I’m feeling that way now, too,

so…

He shrugs. Dwayne nods. He looks out to sea.

DWAYNE

Sometimes I wish I could just go to

sleep until I was eighteen. Just

skip all this crap — high school

and everything. Just skip it…

He shakes his head.

FRANK

Y’ever hear of Marcel Proust?

DWAYNE

He’s the guy you teach?

FRANK

Yeah. French writer. Total loser.

Never had a real job. Unrequited

love affairs. Gay. Spent twenty years

writing a book almost no one reads.

But… he was also probably the

greatest writer since Shakespeare.

Anyway, he gets down to the end of

his life, he looks back and he decides

that all the years he suffered —

those were the best years of his

life. Because they made him who he

was. They forced him to think and

grow, and to feel very deeply. And

the years he was happy? Total waste.

Didn’t learn anything.

Dwayne grins.

FRANK

So, if you sleep til you’re

eighteen…

(scoffs)

…Think of the suffering you’d miss!

High school’s your prime suffering

years. You don’t get better suffering

than that! Unless you go into

academia, but that’s a different

story.

They share a smile. Dwayne gazes out to sea. A beat.

DWAYNE

You know what…?

(Frank looks over)

Fuck beauty contests. It’s like life

is one fucking beauty contest after

another these days. School, then

college, then work. Fuck it. Fuck

the Naval Academy. Fuck the MacArthur

Foundation. If I want to fly, I’ll

find a way to fly. You do what you

love and fuck the rest.

Frank stares at Dwayne, impressed. Dwayne glances at Frank,

who tries to play it cool.

FRANK

I’m glad you’re talking again, Dwayne.

You’re not nearly as stupid as you

look.

Dwayne smiles. Frank looks around.

FRANK

So now what do we do?

DWAYNE

You got me, Frank. Maybe we can stay

out here forever.

A beat. They look at each other.

DWAYNE

We should go.

They begin paddling back to shore.

Essence: Based on Proust’s life and insights, Frank tells Dwayne that it’s ok to be a loser because Proust thought his entire life to be a loser, in fact he is the best writer after Shakespeare and the years he suffered the most, are the years that shape him the most.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine Gentinetta

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

1. My name is Madeleine Gentinetta

2. I have written one full-length script and one treatment, which won an award.

3. I have an idea for a contained movie, which I would like to develop further.

4. I live in Switzerland and love snowboarding.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Journeys!

What did you learn doing this assignment?

Creating a character journey for everybody and interweaving the different journeys gives more plot and strengthens the story. Because every turning point needs an event, I discovered some essential missing beats that make the story better.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Depth!

What did you learn doing this assignment?

I found many elements that helped add depth to all my characters.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Subject line: Madeleine’s Right Characters!

What did you learn doing this assignment?
I knew that my story is set in one place, but its narrative structure is a farce, meaning that there are many people. I realize this would not work for the Covid-situation, but I still want to do this screenplay, although it has more than a handful of people. The fact that it plays in one location, although there are many people, is still interesting enough for producers.

What makes these characters the “right ones” for this story?
Because the main topic is a dysfunctional family, each person in the story is a dysfunctional character with different wounds that lead to their specific dysfunctional behaviors. So, I would say that all my characters are “right ones” for this story. Of course, they can be worked on and elevated in many ways.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Subject line: Madeleine’s Great Hook!

What did you learn doing this assignment? It was an excellent exercise to double-check all my components and rethink the elements. I discovered that there were elements that could be improved, and that was very helpful.

A. How did this process work for you?

I already know which story I want to work with. It was a perfect exercise to double-check all the components and ensure they deliver on the various elements. I was able to elevate some aspects.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Subject line: Madeleine’s Guidelines for Parasite

What I learned doing this assignment is:

Part 1: I think I have a project that fit the requirements of the contained movie. There a small issue I have take care of.

Part 2: Although Parasite feels like a “big” movie, it’s basic setup is already very contained. The impressions of it being a “big” movie are elements such as the natural disaster, which is spectacular, but also the many extra scenes in different locations. But as the assignment 2 showed, if necessary, it can be adjusted.

ASSIGNMENT PART 1: Select Your Project

A. It can be done as a contained story: Yes in general. There is the issue about “stunts”, which I don’t know yet how to handle.

B. You can write a pitch in one or two sentences: Yes that should work out.

C. There is something unique about it: Yes, I think so.

ASSIGNMENT PART 2: Adjust a Produced Movie to Covid Guidelines

A. People: Two families, a couple and two employees, along with a large group of extras.

B. Stunts: Natural disaster.

C. Extras: Many extras in scenes such as shopping, worksite, and emergency shelter.

D. Wardrobe: Exclusive wardrobe for the Park family.

E. Hair and Make Up: Negligible.

F. Kids and Animals: A teenager daughter and a young boy.

G. Quarantine: Have large amount of extras for shots throughout the movie.

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:

A. People: The story needs the two families, the couple and the two employees (12 people), many of the extras can be cut.

B. Stunts: The natural disaster can be cut and be changed into a heavy rain or an incident, which floods the Kim’s apartment.

C. Extras: the shopping, worksite and emergency shelter scenes can be cut without changing the story.

D. Wardrobe: the exclusive wardrobe of the Park family can be reduced.

E. Hair and Make Up: Fine as is.

F. Kids and Animals: The teenager daughter and young boy can be changed to an age where they don’t need tutors.

G. Quarantine: Removing the natural disaster and all the extra scenes outside the two main locations (Kim’s and Park’s home).

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine Gentinetta

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video, or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

1. My name is Madeleine Gentinetta

2. I have written one full-length script and one treatment, which won an award.

3. I have an idea for a contained movie, which I would like to develop further.

4. I live in Switzerland and look forward to snowboarding next week.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine about writing the first scene

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is, it was a pleasure to sit down and start to write. It felt very good after I finished the first scene. I wrote quickly without worrying about many things… that comes later. I fell confident to continue like this.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Fascinating Scene Outlines!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned is although I don’t know yet everything perfectly, I go along and post so I can start with the first draft.

1. INT. UNIVERSITY, LECTURE HALL – DAY

Beginning: (Intrigue) Alex throws away the birthday card on his desk.

Middle: (Character changes drastically) Alex turns from a self-secure to an angry man.

Ending: (Reveal) Student mentions that Alex has changed lately.

Ending: (Suspense) Mirai threatens to report to the dean.

2. OUT. GARDEN CENTER – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Corrie and Eve stroll through a beautiful garden center.

Middle: (External dilemma) The cool garden house is too expensive.

Ending: (Surprise) There is a cheap version but it only will be delivered in a couple of weeks.

3. INT. UNIVERSITY, DEAN’S OFFICE / BALCONY – DAY

Beginning: (Superior position) Luke prepares little birthday reception. Alex gets call to come.

Middle: (Surprise) When there is the knocking on the door occurs, Luke is also annoyed about students.

Ending: (Major twist) Luke reveals he’s retiring and supports Alex’s candidacy.

4. INT. ALEX’S CAR / CORRIE’S CAR – NIGHT

Beginning: (Surprise) Alex and Corrie are both in their cars and do the same thing.

Middle: (Superior position) We hear both versions which are mutually exclusive.

Ending: (Suspense) Alex and Corrie with Eve practice versions of their life that will collide.

5. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Beginning: (Superior position) We know Corrie and Alex’s vision will clash.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Alex hates his present. Corrie and Eve hate Alex’s idea.

Ending: (Internal dilemma) Alex forgets to open Eve’s gift.

6. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, BEDROOM – NIGHT (NOT SURE YET)

Beginning: (More interesting setting) They crawl on the floor looking for a contact lenses.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) They bump into each other and have to laugh.

Ending: (Promise) Alex has to make a promise to see a doc.

7. EXT. SCHOOL – DAY

Beginning: … .

Middle: … .

Ending: … .

8. INT. MEN’S DOCTOR OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Alex waits in the doctor’s waiting room (male assistant and awkward magazines).

Middle: (Major twist) Doc reveals that Alex got andropause.

Ending: (Internal dilemma) Alex is about to call Corrie but then does not do it.

9. INT. UNIVERSITY, ALEX and FLAVIA’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Alex has to decide to apply or not.

Middle: (Surprise/Major twist) Mirai reminds Alex of the apology.

Ending: (Character changes radically) Alex starts with his application.

10. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Beginning: (Surprise) Alex brings flowers.

Middle: (Betrayal) Alex lies to Corrie about the doc’s diagnosis and why he is late and tired.

Ending: (Misinterpretation) Corrie catches Alex examining himself naked in the mirror.

11. INT. SUPERMARKET BINDENABTEILUNG, ELEVATOR– DAY

Beginning: (Surprise) Corrie bumps into Luke by on her way to enroll in the work agency.

Middle: (Major twist) Corrie realizes that Luke got cancer.

Ending: (Promise) Luke promises to take about Alex’s application.

12. INT. UNIVERSITY, ALEX and FLAVIA’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Flavia seems to avoid Alex when they meet.

Middle: (Betrayal) Alex discovers that Flavia applies for the dean position.

Ending: (Misinterpretation) Alex sees Flavia and Luke laughing together.

13. OUT. UNIVERSITY, DEAN’S OFFICE TO BALCONY – DAY

Beginning: (Superior position) We know Luke is sick and that Alex knows Flavia applies.

Middle: (Character changes radically) Alex is not sure if Luke supports him anymore.

Ending: (Internal dilemma) Alex has to decide meeting his enemy Mirai.

14. OUT. UNIVERSITY, CAMPUS CHAPEL – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Alex meets Mirai in the campus chapel.

Middle: (Misinterpretation) Mirai thinks that Alex wants to apologize.

Ending: (Internal dilemma) Alex can’t accept Mirai’s proposal.

15. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, FROM GARDEN TO OFFICE – DAY TO NIGHT

Beginning: (Character changes radically) Alex starts with physical training and is exhausted.

Middle: (Internal dilemma) Alex searches hormones.

Ending: (Illegal action) Alex orders illegal substances.

16. EXT. UNIVERSITY, SPORT FACILITY – DAY

Beginning: (…) …

Middle: (…) …

Ending: (…) …

17. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, KITCHEN – DAY
Beginning: (Unmoral action) Corrie opens Alex’s parcel

Middle: (Misinterpretation) Corrie suspects Alex having an affair.

Ending: (Intrigue) Corrie exchanges the content of the pills.

18. OUT. SOMEWHERE INTERESTING – DAY

Beginning: (Superior position) Alex has an ambitious goal and we know the pills won’t help.

Middle: (Major twist) Alex suffers a heart attack but does not want to go the hospital.

Ending: (Cliffhanger) Will Alex survive the heart attack?

19. INT. HOSPITAL, ALEX’S ROOM – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Alex recovers in the hospital.

Middle: (Major twist) Corrie visits Luke and announces that Luke passed away.

Ending: (Cliffhanger) Will Alex survive the second heart attack?

20. INT. UNIVERSITY, ALEX and FLAVIA’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) When Alex returns, nobody speaks with him.

Middle: (Surprise) Flavia’s desk is empty.

Ending: (Surprise) The movers tell Alex that they move the stuff to the dean’s office.

21. INT. UNIVERSITY, DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: (Surprise) Flavia is in the dean’s office.

Middle: (Major twist) Flavia is interim dean because Alex was in the hospital.

Ending: (Character changes radically) Flavia orders Alex to stay at home to recover.

22. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – DAY

Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Alex is very angry and does not know what to do.

Middle: (Character changes radcially) Alex starts building the garden house to exercise.

Ending: (Surprise) Alex feels good.

23. INT. SOMEWHERE INTERESTING – DAY

Beginning: (Major twist) Flavia writes Alex about reducing his workload because of dropping students’ interest.

Middle: (Surprise) Corrie seizes the opportunity to get a job, Alex does not stand a chance.

Ending: (Promise) Alex promises that he will do whatever to get the lessons back.

24. INT. SOMEWHERE INTERESTING – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) to be decided.

Middle: (Uncomfortable situation) Because Corrie is nervous; a gal gets angry at here.

Ending: (Surprise) The gal is here new colleague IRA (47).

25. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – DAY

Beginning: (…) …

Middle: (…) …

Ending: (…) …

26. INT. CORRIE’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: (Betrayal) Eve turns against Alex when he wants to throw out unnecessary stuff.

Middle: (Character changes radically) Alex burns the unnecessary stuff.

Ending: (Promise) Corrie says if he continues like this, she will leave.

27. INT. CORRIE’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Ira surprise crying Corrie.

Middle: (Mislead) Corrie lies why she cries, Ira pretends believing Corrie.

Ending: (Character changes radically) Ira sympathizes with Corrie.

28. INT. NICE RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Corrie invites her family to a really nice restaurant.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Alex and Corrie argue loudly and embarrass Eve.

Ending: (Major twist) Corrie and Eve take a taxi and leave on the their own.

29. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – DAY

Beginning: (Uncomfortable Moment) Alex meets Mirai at the students’ market stand.

Middle: (Misinterpretation) Mirai thinks that Alex came to get their support for the presentation.

Ending: (Intrigue) Alex realizes that Flavia has not invited him to the presentation.

30. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, OFFICE – NIGHT

Beginning: (…) …

Middle: (…) …

Ending: (…) …

31. INT. UNIVERSITY, AUDITORIUM – DAY / OUT. UNIVERSITY, GARDEN – DAY

Beginning: (Superior Position) Alex surprises Flavia by showing up for the presentation.

Middle: (Surprise) Alex’s presentation is an innovative curriculum.

Ending: (Major twist) Mirai supports Alex’s candidacy, Flavia has critical questions.

32. OUT. UNIVERSITY, ROOFTOP – DAY

Beginning: (Mislead) Alex thinks Flavia does not want him to become dean.

Middle: (Reveal) Flavia reveals that Luke was terminally ill and he asked Flavia to protect him from the position.

Ending: (Major twist) Flavia falls to her death.

33. INT. UNIVERSITY, ALEX’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Alex is alone in the dean’s office.

Middle: (Suspense) Police come to interrogate him.

Ending: (Surprise) Alex discovers Luke’s run down bonsai and takes it with him.

34. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, EVE’S GREENHOUSE – NIGHT

Beginning: (Surprise) When Alex brings home bonai, he discovers Eve’s green house.

Middle: (Major twist) Super dean checks on Alex and asks Alex, if he wants to become dean.

Ending: (Major twist) Alex invites Corrie and Eve to his upcoming birthday.

35. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, ENTIRE HOUSE – DAY

Beginning: (…) …

Middle: (…) …

Ending: (…) …

36. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Beginning: (…) …

Middle: (…) …

Ending: (…) …

37. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – NIGHT

Beginning: (…) …

Middle: (…) …

Ending: (…) …

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Scene Requirements

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned it’s a great approach to find out where there are missing conflicts. It’s also great to find out, where things have to be set up earlier in order to pay of later. There are still gaps…. I trust the process.

Menopausal Dad (v1: 2023.01.24)

1. INT. UNIVERSITY, LECTURE HALL – DAY

ALEX FRIEDMAN (49) lectures growth economics as usual. MIRAI (21) provokes Alex with a critical question. Because Alex reacts offensively, Mirai threatens to go to the dean, if Alex does not apologize. A student mentions, that Alex seems strange lately.

Scene Arc: A self-confident professor turns into a middle-aged man with a major problem.

Essence: Self-demontage of a personality and exposition of a psychological issue.

Conflict: Clash of opposing values between Alex and Mirai.

Subtext: Alex’s reaction shows that he has an solved issue.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex will apologize. We are afraid Mirai will go to the dean.

2. INT. UNIVERSITY, DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY

When Mirai wants to complain about Alex at the dean LUKE (65), she crashes Alex’s small birthday reception in his office. Alex is fed up with students and wants to give up teaching. Luke reveals secretly to Alex that he plans to retire and would support Alex as his successor.

Scene Arc: From Alex hating his teaching job to having a new professional perspective.

Essence: Alex gets a new professional perspective.

Conflict: Alex quarrels with his profession as teacher because of his age.

Subtext: Luke shares a secret with Alex.

Hope/fear: We fear that Mirai’s complaints will have negative consequences for Alex, we hope that Luke’s proposition is a good solution to deal with the Alex’s problem.

3. INT. CAR – NIGHT (parallel to 4)

Alex is excited about the idea to become the new dean. He practices how to tell Corrie the news.

Scene Arc: From insecure argumentation to self-secure argumentation.

Essence: Exposition and set up for upcoming clash of values (family, profession).

Conflict: Upcoming argument how to continue with their lives (private and professional).

Subtext: Alex has to admit that he is not happy with his professional life.

Hope/fear: We hope Corrie finds it a good idea. We’re afraid Corrie finds it a bad idea.

4. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, DINING ROOM – NIGHT (parallel to 3)

CORRIE FRIEDMAN (39) is excited to present Alex his gift (an easy-to-assemble garden house) and her vision for the next year: she wants him to take it easier at work and stay more at home, and relaunch her own career after many years of caring for the family and their daughter EVE. While preparing the dinner, she practices how she tells it Alex.

Scene Arc: From insecure argumentation to self-secure argumentation.

Essence: Exposition and set up for upcoming clash of values (family, profession).

Conflict: Upcoming argument how to continue with their lives (private and professional).

Subtext: Corrie has to admit that something is missing in her life.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex finds it a good idea. We’re afraid Alex hates the idea.

5. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, BEDROOM – NIGHT

Disillusioned Alex and Corrie get ready to go to bed. EVE (13) finally gets an opportunity to give Alex his birthday present: a bonsai tree. Before falling asleep, Alex has to promise to Corrie to go the doctor to get a health check because he seems very irritable lately.

Scene Arc: From fighting to finding a compromise.

Essence: Eve confirms Corrie’s concerns and Alex takes a next step to clear the issue.

Conflict: Argument about Alex’s health situation, which he denies.

Subtext: Corrie is worried about Alex’s health. Alex has to admit that he changed.

Hope/fear: We hope they reconcile. We’re afraid they hate each other.

6. INT. MEN’S DOCTOR OFFICE – DAY

The DOCTOR informs Alex that after all the blood tests came back, it seems as if he has an entered an early stage of andropause. He suggests taking it easy and doing exercises. He advises against taking medication or hormones.

Scene Arc: From not care about a health issue to having to deal with a health issue.

Essence: Alex has a health problem: early and strong andropause.

Conflict: Argument between doc and patient about how to deal with the health issue.

Subtext: Alex has a health problem he has to take care of.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex get good news. We’re afraid Alex has a health problem.

7. INT. UNIVERSITY, ALEX and FLAVIA’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Alex is alone in his office. He wants to put the away the application. But then there is a small thing that reminds him of hating to teach and he starts the application.

Scene Arc: From putting aside the application to starting to work on the application.

Essence: Alex starts the application process.

Conflict: Emotional dilemma: shall he apply or not?

Subtext: Alex denies his health issue and does the opposite of what the doc said.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex does not apply. We know Alex works on his application.

8. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

At dinner Alex lies about why he is late and about his results from the doctor, although he is obviously very tired.

Scene Arc: From trusting each other to mistrusting each other.

Essence: Alex and Corrie lie to each other and pretend not to pursue their personal interest.

Conflict: Unspoken conflict between Corrie and Alex because they mistrust each other.

Subtext: Alex and Corrie lie to each other – and somehow know it.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex the truth about doc and application. We’re afraid he lies about it.

9. INT. BUSINESS BUILDING, ELEVATOR– DAY

Corrie accidently meets Luke in the elevator. She goes for a job interview and he goes to the oncologist. Without talking to each other, they know what’s going on. Corrie says that she worries about Alex’s health. Luke gets it. He promises to take care of the problem.

Scene Arc: From small talk to talk about life and death.

Essence: Corrie knows that Luke got cancer and get the promise that he takes care of Alex.

Conflict: They have to trust to each other with personal information.

Subtext: Luke has cancer, but Alex should not know it.

Hope/fear: We hope Luke is fine. We fear Luke is very ill.

10. INT. UNIVERSITY, ALEX and FLAVIA’S OFFICE – DAY

When Alex is alone in the office, he discovers that his colleague FLAVIA (41) also plans to apply as dean and discovers a flyer for the school’s marathon.

Scene Arc: From self-confident to mistrusting Luke and Flavia.

Essence: Alex got concurrence when wanting to become dean.

Conflict: Alex does not know how to react to Flavia and Luke.

Subtext: Alex discovers that he got serious concurrence and starts to mistrust Luke.

Hope/fear: We hope Flavia and Luke just laugh together. We fear there is more to it.

11. OUT. UNIVERSITY, DEAN’S OFFICE TO BALCONY – DAY

Suspicious Alex talks to Luke about the way he plans to support his candidacy. He tries to figure out, if Luke knows about Flavia’s candidacy. Luke advises to meet with Mirai to make sure to get the student’s support.

Scene Arc: From expecting help to not being sure, if Luke can help him at all.

Essence: Alex wants to reconfirm Luke’s support and find out if he encouraged Flavia.

Conflict: Unspoken conflict, if Luke is still behind Alex or if he secretly helps Flavia.

Subtext: Luke makes clear, he alone can’t make that Alex becomes dean.

Hope/fear: We hope Luke tells Alex the truth and helps. We fear Luke can’t help Alex.

12. OUT. SOMEWHERE INTERESTING – DAY

Alex meets secretly with Mirais to secure the students’ support. But Mirai’s demands exceed Alex’s morals and attitude (more contemporary curriculum and personal involvement with students’ activities).

Scene Arc: From hopeful to get the students’ support to having to give up this hope.

Essence: Alex tries everything to get the student’s support.

Conflict: Clash of values in arguments.

Subtext: Alex has to hide the fact it’s a major blow to him to negotiate with his enemy.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex gets Mirai’s support. We’re afraid he does not get Mirai’s support.

13. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, OFFICE – NIGHT

Alex searches tutorials how to prepare for a marathon and secretly orders testosterone.

Scene Arc: From doing something good for his health to ordering illegal substances.

Essence: Alex orders illegal substances.

Conflict: Moral dilemma about following the doc’s advice and his will to please Mirai.

Subtext: Alex wants to hide the fact that he’s not fit.

Hope/fear: Alex does something good for his health. We’re afraid Alex hurts his help.

14. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – DAY

Corrie and Eve suspiciously observe and wonder about Alex’s new lifestyle, which includes the training for the marathon. He seems happier than ever.

Scene Arc: …

Essence: …

Conflict: no conflict yet.

Subtext: …

Hope/fear: …

15. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, KITCHEN – DAY

Corrie secretly opens a parcel for Alex. When she discovers the testosterone pills, she suspects that Alex has an affair and looks for a replacement of the pills.

Scene Arc: Happy to receive something from Alex to believing that he has an affair.

Essence: Corrie believes that Alex has an affair because she finds the testosterone pills.

Conflict: Moral dilemma how to interpret the pills and how to react to it.

Subtext: Corrie believes Alex has an affair.

Hope/fear: Corrie looks forward to a long-awaited gift. We’re afraid it’s not the expected gift.

16. OUT. SOMEWHERE INTERESTING – DAY

Alex overdoes the training and suffers a heart attack. (He should probably train with somebody – maybe Luke, Eve?)

Scene Arc: From bluffing about fit he is to almost dying.

Essence: Alex suffers a heart attack.

Conflict: Argument with Eve about calling the doc.

Subtext: Alex wants to hide the fact that he takes illegal enhancers.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex is ok. We’re afraid he dies.

17. INT. HOSPITAL, ALEX’S ROOM – DAY

Corrie visits Alex in the hospital and informs Alex, that Luke has passed away. Alex is shocked and wants to return to work as soon as possible.

Scene Arc: From getting better at the hospital to suffering a next heart attack.

Essence: Alex learns Luke passed away.

Conflict: Argument between Corrie and Alex about being more careful about life.

Subtext: Alex becomes aware of his mortality.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex is doing better. We fear Alex for Alex’s health.

18. INT. UNIVERSITY, ALEX and FLAVIA’S OFFICE – DAY

When Alex returns to work (way to early), he wants to enter his office. People are moving Flavia’s stuff and tell him ruthlessly that he person is now in the dean’s office.

Scene Arc: From returning hopefully to the office to realizing something is different.

Essence: On the way to the office, everybody behaves strangely.

Conflict: Everybody tries to avoid him.

Subtext: Everybody hides the secret.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex can resume his life before Luke died, we fear his life has changed.

19. INT. UNIVERSITY, DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY

When Alex goes to the dean’s office, he sees that Flavia is the interim dean. She tells him, that she got nominated because he was in the hospital. She orders him to go home to recover entirely.

Scene Arc: From having to accept that Flavia is interim dean to having to leave school.

Essence: Alex suffers a major blow on his way to become dean.

Conflict: Argument with Flavia about his health.

Subtext: Alex realizes that he lost against Flavia.

Hope/fear: We fear Alex gets bad news. We’re afraid that Alex gets really bad news.

20. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – DAY

On top of doing physio – out of anger, Alex starts building his garden house.

Scene Arc: From being hopelessly angry to finding a constructive way dealing with it.

Essence: Alex starts a new way of life by building the garden house.

Conflict: Moral dilemma, how to deal with his anger.

Subtext: Alex realizes that this activity is actually good for him.

Hope/fear: We fear for Alex’s health. We wonder if he is actually doing something good.

21. INT. SOMEWHERE INTERESTING – DAY

Flavia plans to reduce Alex’s “classical economy” lessons because of dropping students’ interest.

Scene Arc: From hopeful returning to work to realizing that his workload will be reduced.

Essence: Alex will have less work in upcoming semester.

Conflict: Argument with Corrie about her going to work. Corrie having a good reason to go.

Subtext: Fear of secured income.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex gets good new. We’ar afraid Alex gets bad news.

22. INT. SOMEWHERE INTERESTING – DAY

Out of fear of losing income, Corrie starts new job.

Scene Arc: …

Essence: …

Conflict: no conflict yet.

Subtext: …

Hope/fear: …

23. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – DAY

To attract the students’ interest, Alex reads about sustainable lifestyles and experiments with it in the garden house.

Scene Arc: …

Essence: …

Conflict: no conflict yet.

Subtext: …

Hope/fear: …

24. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – DAY

Eve gets interested in Alex’s activities and shares her dad’s new life with a webcam. Alex seems to be happy and his health gets stronger.

Scene Arc: …

Essence: …

Conflict: no conflict yet.

Subtext: …

Hope/fear: We hope

25. INT. CORRIE’S OFFICE – DAY

When Alex wants his family to share his lifestyle, Corrie who is poverty traumatized refuses. Alex gets very drastic and destroys “needless” stuff to force the family to share his life in the garden house.

Scene Arc: From enthusiastic about his new life to destructive for his family.

Essence: Alex wants to impose his new extreme lifestyle upon the family.

Conflict: Physical destruction of the family goods by Alex.

Subtext: Too much of the good intention also turns bad.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex respects his family. We’re afraid he alienates them.

26. INT. CORRIE’S OFFICE – DAY

Corrie flees her husband emotionally and starts an affair with a rich guy.

Scene Arc: From finding consolation to entering an affair.

Essence: Corrie starts an affair.

Conflict: Emotional dilemma:

Subtext: Corrie needs not just financial security but also emotional security.

Hope/fear: We hope Corrie finds consolation. We’re afraid she leaves Alex.

27. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – DAY

After a big argument about how to live together, Corrie and Eve move out. Corrie wants to frighten Alex with her affair, but he does not want to compromise and continues his ego trip.

Scene Arc: From giving the family a last chance to having a breakup happening.

Essence: Corrie and Eve move out.

Conflict: Argument between Corrie and Alex how live together in the future.

Subtext: The old family lifestyle is destroyed.

Hope/fear: We hope the family gets back together. We’re afraid the family splits.

28. OUT. MARKET – DAY

Mirai meets Alex and tells him, that the students’ support his new approach and look forward to see him at the upcoming presentation (part of the dean selection process). Alex realizes that Flavia has not invited him.

Scene Arc: …

Essence: …

Conflict: no conflict yet.

Subtext: …

Hope/fear: …

29. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, OFFICE – NIGHT

Alex works day and night at the presentation.

Scene Arc: …

Essence: …

Conflict: no conflict yet.

Subtext: …

Hope/fear: …

30. INT. UNIVERSITY, AUDITORIUM – DAY / OUT. UNIVERSITY, GARDEN – DAY

Alex surprises the committee, faculty, and students with an innovative curriculum. Although everybody is excited and supportive, Flavia speaks up against Alex’s nomination.

Scene Arc: From getting everybody’s support to getting opposition from Flavia.

Essence: Although Alex gets approval on a content level, there is a new issue.

Conflict: Conflict should be about something moral (what??)

Subtext: Here, a new problem arises.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex gets the nomination. We fear Alex does not get the nomination.

31. OUT. UNIVERSITY, ROOFTOP – DAY

During a hostile exchange on the rooftop, where Flavia reveals that Luke was terminally ill and wanted to prevent the same fate for Alex and therefore told her to do everything to prevent Alex from becoming dean, Flavia trips (this behavior will be set up) and falls to her death.

Scene Arc: From fighting Flavia for her behavior to understanding it but losing her.

Essence: Flavia reveals Luke terminally ill and wanted Alex to have more time with family.

Conflict: Argument about why Flavia did everything to prevent Alex from becoming dean.

Subtext: Flavia’s actions against Alex were directed by Luke and supposed to help Alex.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex and Flavia reconcile. We fear Flavia is dead.

32. INT. UNIVERSITY, ALEX’S OFFICE – DAY

Alex is alone in his office and discovers Luke’s small plant in the trash, which is in a bad and rushes home. He remembers that he has to take care of Eve’s greenhouse, which he promised but completely forgot.

Scene Arc: From neglecting the plant to taking care of the plant.

Essence: Alex decides to take care of Luke’s plant.

Conflict: Moral conflict about taking caring or not.

Subtext: Alex starts to care.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex takes care of the plant. We fear Alex neglects the plant.

33. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, EVE’S GREENHOUSE – NIGHT

Alex is blown away when he enters Eve’s greenhouse. The bonsai, which she offered him long time ago is the centerpiece of a flying bonsai installation with sunlight generated energy and electricity. He sinks down with Luke’s plant and realizes that he misses his family. Somebody from the university finds him and offers the dean job. He rejects and invites the family for his upcoming 50^th birthday with the good news.

Scene Arc: From rejecting dean position to inviting his family for his birthday.

Essence: Alex choses family over job.

Conflict: Moral dilemma when he is in the garden house and argument.

Subtext: Alex discovers his true life.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex rejects the dean position. We fear he takes the dean position.

34. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, ENTIRE HOUSE – DAY

Although, he hears nothing from Corrie and Eve, Alex prepares everything for his birthday. He reinstalls the house, prepares food. Mirai shows up and regrets. She looks for a place to stay. Alex invites her to stay but says that he has to discuss it with is family.

Scene Arc: From being alone to having Mirai helping him.

Essence: Alex sticks to his decision and creates a new family.

Conflict: Argument with Mirai about values.

Subtext: Alex creates a new family.

Hope/fear: We hope Alex gets news from the family. We fear Alex does not get news.

35. INT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, DINING ROOM – NIGHT

Alex sits alone at the table. Nobody is showing up. He is desperate and sad. Around midnight he gets ready to go to bed. A few minutes after midnight, tired Eve and Corrie show up. Corrie tells him, that hates celebrating birthday and therefore came after his birthday.

Scene Arc: From celebrating his birthday alone, to celebrating it too late but with family.

Essence: Overcoming birthday trauma by celebrating too late.

Conflict: Inner fight about overcoming trauma.

Subtext: Trauma is banned because Alex survived his 50^th birthday.

Hope/fear: We hope they come for the birthday. We fear they come not for the birthday.

36. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – NIGHT

Alex shares his new insight: because he realized that he “just got one family,” he will decline the position as dean. Corrie clarifies that she “just got one life” and wants to enjoy her new “luxury” life and see how it turns out. Eve says they all “just got one planet” and wants to move back home and live in the garden house. Alex accepts everybody’s new lifestyle.

Scene Arc: From celebrating to splitting in a good way.

Essence: Celebrating a fragile new start.

Conflict: New lifestyles clash gently – everybody takes care of each other.

Subtext: Everybody changed for the good but have to readjust.

Hope/fear: We hope the family stays together. We fear the family does not stay together.

37. OUT. FRIEDMAN’S HOME, GARDEN – NIGHT

Alex and Eve dream about Corrie coming back in the near future.

Scene Arc: From hoping to starting a new life.

Essence: Everything changed.

Conflict: Inner conflict between hope and insecurity.

Subtext: Everything changes.

Hope/fear: We hope Corrie comes back one day. We fear she does not come back.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Intriguing Moments

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned is that the fact that I added intriguing moments changed my entire set-up, so I have to rework the beats, but I do this for the next assignment. I just list the intriguing moments.

New beats and ideas for this version:

· Arch for Corrie: from family woman to biker bride

· Arch for Alex: from business man to house man and taking on Mirai

· Arch for Eve: from being a loner to getting together with Mirai for a bigger plan

· Flavia dies by tripping over (something that is set up early and has to do with Alex’ weakness or goal. Like seeing a ghost as trauma for little boy in Parasite.

· Triangle scene without gun: one family, one life, one planet

· Starting with birthday party being crashed by Mirai

ACT 1

· Intrigue – Mystery: why is Mirai crashing the birthday party?

· Intrigue – Covert agenda: Eve connects with Mirai after birthday crash

· Intrigue – scheme: Luke proposes Alex to become dean to avoid students

· Intrigue – covert agenda: Corrie buys Alex a garden house so he stays more at home

· Intrigue – conspiracy and superior position: Because Corrie talks secretly to Luke, we figure out that Flavia applies based on a recommendation by Luke – against Alex?

· Intrigue – Hidden agenda: Corrie plans to work again.

ACT 2

· Intrigue – secret: Alex self-medicates to be able to participate in marathon.

· Intrigue – mystery: Luke passes away and we don’t know why and Flavia becomes interim-dean.

· Intrigue – superior position: Corrie suspects an affair and changes the pill’s content.

· Intrigue – intrigue: Flavia cuts Alex’s hours.

· Intrigue – mystery: Mirai lives alone because she is an orphan

ACT 3

· Intrigue – secret: Eve shares pic of her father’s strange new life.

· Intrigue – covert agenda: Alex realizes that Flavia left him out of the presentation.

· Intrigue – covert agenda: Alex must find out where Corrie works now and realizes that she is love.

· Intrigue – conspiracy: Flavia reveals that Luke wanted her to prevent Alex from becoming dean, so he does not hurt his health and lives a long life.

ACT 4

· Intrigue – mystery: Eve shares different endings, so we don’t know what will happen to Corrie.

· Intrigue – secret: Alex has Mirai move in so Eve is not so alone and they form a new family.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Emotional Moments

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned is that I have many scenes with emotional moments – and it’s important to intensify them, especially during the writing process. I just put them in parenthesis, because I think, things are still changing a lot from pass to pass.

ACT 1 – 1.1 Opening: Old way: Alex teaches frontal and loses it with Mirai who asks a critical question. Alex is inattentive to his environment (students). (Surprise: Alex’s reaction to Mirai)

Deeper layer: Alex is irritable because he is in a new life stage. (Wound: Alex hates his birthday because it reminds him of his father’s death).

AJ 1 – Beginning: Corrie is dreaming about future, gift for Alex, is not satisfied with her life. (Excitement: Corrie loves to choose a gift for Alex)

AJ 2 – Inciting Incident: Corrie offers Alex a new garden house to start a new life at home.

Genre convention: Mirai crashes Alex’s birthday (negative surprise)

Deeper layer: Alex openly hates his birthday present because he wants more career time next year (fear of birthday, fear of decline, fear of death). (Distress: Alex hates the gift)

1.2 Inciting Incident: Alex wants to become dean (Excitement).

Refusal of call: Luke wants Alex to do a health check

Genre convention, build up: Doc reveals menopause (Distress: bad health news).

1.3 Turning Point 1: Alex starts application, is tired and lies about it (Emotional dilemma).

AJ 3 – Turning Point 1: Corrie realizes that Alex wants to apply and secretly informs Luke about his health (Moral issue).

AJ 4: Corrie checks out job opportunities (Distress, wound).

Genre convention Alex: Alex finds out that Flavia applies as well (Distress).

Genre convention Alex: Luke advices support from Mirai (Surpise/distress).

ACT 2 – 2.1 New plan: Alex sees no problem to contact Mirai for support (Courage).

Genre convention Alex: Mirai demands a workshop and personal involvement.

2.2 Plan in action: Alex self-medicates for marathon (Moral issue)

AJ 5 – Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Corrie finds Alex medication and secretly changes pills (Betrayal).

2.3 Midpoint: Alex suffers heart attack (Distress).

Genre convention Alex: Flavia becomes interim dean because Luke passed away (Distress).

Deeper layer: Alex builds garden house as therapy.

Genre convention: Flavia reduces hours (Distress).

AJ 6 – Act 3: Corrie has a job and starts an affair (Moral issue, excitement, betrayal).

ACT 3 – 3.1 Rethinking: Alex starts a self-sufficient life and feels good about it without asking his family (Excitement, surpise).

Deeper layer: Eve shares her dad’s new strange life and gets Mirai’s attention.

3.2 New Plan: Alex destroys home to force family to live in garden (Distress/Excitement)

3.3 Huge Failure: Corrie and Eve move out (poverty trauma) (Distress).

AJ 7 – Turning Point 3: Corrie moves out because she hates Alex’s new self-limiting lifestyle (poverty trauma).

Recovery: Mirai’s visits Alex and is fan of his new life.

Genre convention: Alex realizes that Flavia has not invited him for the presentation (surprise, distress, betrayal).

Genre convention: Flavia sabotages Alex’s lecture (Distress).

Reveal: Alex finds Luke’s letter and plant (Surprise, Love).

Reveal: Alex discovers Eve’s garden house “We must cultivate our garden 2.0” (Surprise, Love).

4.1 Climax: Alex invites Corrie and Eve for his birthday (Love).

AJ 8 – Act 4 Climax: Corrie comes after midnight to talk about divorce or conflict about future of the family (dean vs family – just one family). (Maybe different versions by the narrator Eve).(Distress, Love, Surprise, Success)

Deeper layer and moral action: not just one planet, one family, also just one life (celebration birthday, but nobody comes) (Excitement, Wondering)

AJ 9 – Resolution: Corrie starts her career and a new family life.

4.2 Resolution: New way of life and family. Corrie works, Alex teaches workshop at home, Corrie works successfully, Spends time with her affair and thinks about her future (every age has its needs), admits that he was an asshole and lets her free, Alex does workshop at home with student.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Reveals!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned, it was fun to come up with setups and reveals. The process is not finished yet, therefore I have not build them into the outline and they are not in complete order yet. They are happening at different levels of the story (small revelation, beginning and end revelations). It might sound strange, but sometimes I’m not sure, if it’s a setup or a reversal.

ACT 1

Setup: Alex reacts strangely to Mirai’s critic.

Reveal: Students notice that maybe it’s because of Alex’s birthday.

Setup: Corrie selects a garden house as gift.

Reveal: Corrie and Eve notice that Alex has changed.

Setup: Alex hates his birthday party.

Reveal: Alex is traumatized because his father died on his birthday.

Setup: Luke witnesses, Mirai crashing Alex’s party and Alex wanting to quit teaching.

Reveal: Luke promises Alex to get his position because he plans to retire.

ACT 2

Setup: Alex wants to work more.

Reveal: Corrie offers Alex a garden house because she thinks it helps him.

Setup: Corrie orders a health check.

Reveal: The doc reveals that Alex is menopausal and should take it easy.

Setup: Corrie secretly talks to Luke about Alex’s health condition.

Reveal: Alex discovers that Flavia plans to apply as well – and participates at marathon.

Setup: Luke tells Alex to talk to Mirai how to get their support.

Reveal: Alex can’t fulfill Mirai’s demands, which are based on her parents’ experience.

Setup: Alex gets illegal substances mailed to him.

Reveal: Corrie discovers them and thinks that Alex has an affair.

Setup: Corrie changes the pills.

Reveal: Alex suffers a heart attack.

Setup: Flavia becomes interim dean.

Reveal: Luke passed away.

ACT 3

Setup: Flavia reduces Alex’s hours and has him stay home.

Reveal: Corrie looks for work to generate income.

Setup: Eve shares Alex’s new and strange life.

Reveal: Mirai gets interested and shows up.

Setup: Alex starts a self-sufficient life.

Reveal: Corrie starts an affair.

Setup: Alex destroys parts of the home to force the family into the garden.

Reveal: Corrie and Eve move out.

Setup: Mirai visits Alex to ask what he will present and promise support.

Reveal: Alex has not been invited.

ACT 4

Setup: Flavia sabotages Alex’s lecture.

Reveal: Luke was terminally ill and asked Flavia to prevent Alex to become dean.

Setup: Luke last gift to Alex was his bonsai to take care of.

Reveal: When Alex discovers Eve’s garden house (we must cultivate our garden 2.0), he realizes that he just got one planet, one family, one life.

Setup: Although Alex invites to his birthday party, nobody shows up.

Reveal: They wait until his birthday is over, because they know that he hates birthdays.

Setup: Celebration of birthday, full circle: realizing that everybody is at a different station.

Reveal: Nobody knows how it ends with Corrie (acceptance of life cycle).

Setup first – scene: Somebody spitting it out seeds (story beginning: enigma).

Reveal final – scene: Eve, has to spit it out (story end: solution – it’s all about nature, life and everything).

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Action Tracks!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned is that this step also help to get the characters more defined and distinguish from each other. I also adjusted some beats according to the new character traits.

ACT 1 – 1.1 Opening: Old way: Alex teaches frontal and loses it with Mirai who asks a critical question. Alex is inattentive to his environment (students).

Deeper layer: Alex is irritable because he is in a new life stage.

AJ 1 – Beginning: Corrie is dreaming about future, gift for Alex, is not satisfied with her life.

AJ 2 – Inciting Incident: Corrie offers Alex a new garden house to start a new life at home.

Deeper layer: Alex openly hates his birthday present because he wants more career time next year (fear of birthday, fear of decline, fear of death).

1.2 Inciting Incident: Alex wants to become dean.

Refusal of call: Luke wants Alex to do a health check

Genre convention, build up: Doc reveals menopause.

1.3 Turning Point 1: Alex starts application, is tired and lies about it.

AJ 3 – Turning Point 1: Corrie realizes that Alex wants to apply and secretly informs Luke about his health.

AJ 4: Corrie checks out job opportunities.

Genre convention Alex: Alex finds out that Flavia applies as well.

Genre convention Alex: Luke advices support from Mirai.

ACT 2 – 2.1 New plan: Alex sees no problem to contact Mirai for support.

Genre convention Alex: Mirai demands a workshop and personal involvement.

2.2 Plan in action: Alex self-medicates for marathon

AJ 5 – Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Corrie finds Alex medication and secretly changes pills.

2.3 Midpoint: Alex suffers heart attack.

Genre convention Alex: Flavia becomes interim dean because Luke passed away.

Deeper layer: Alex builds garden house as therapy.

Genre convention: Flavia reduces hours.

AJ 6 – Act 3: Corrie has a job and starts an affair.

ACT 3 – 3.1 Rethinking: Alex starts a self-sufficient life and feels good about it without asking his family.

Deeper layer: Eve shares her dad’s new strange life and gets Mirai’s attention.

3.2 New Plan: Alex destroys home to force family to live in garden

3.3 Huge Failure: Corrie and Eve move out (poverty trauma).

AJ 7 – Turning Point 3: Corrie moves out because she hates Alex’s new self-limiting lifestyle (poverty trauma).

Recovery: Mirai’s visits Alex and is fan of his new life. Alex changes his lecture.

Genre convention: Flavia sabotages Alex’s lecture.

Reveal: Alex finds Luke’s letter and plant.

Reveal: Alex discovers Eve’s garden house “We must cultivate our garden 2.0”.

4.1 Climax: Alex invites Corrie and Eve for his birthday.

AJ 8 – Act 4 Climax: Corrie comes after midnight to talk about divorce or conflict about future of the family (dean vs family – just one family). (Maybe different versions by the narrator Eve).

Deeper layer and moral action: not just one planet, one family, also just one life (celebration birthday, but nobody comes)

AJ 9 – Resolution: Corrie starts her career and a new family life.

4.2 Resolution: New way of life and family. Corrie works, Alex teaches workshop at home, Corrie works successfully, Spends time with her affair and thinks about her future (every age has its needs), admits that he was an asshole and lets her free, Alex does workshop at home with student.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned is that I went over all beats again and found some spots to make correction. I know that the end is not working yet, but I move on – just trusting the process of filling in the blanks.

ACT 1 – 1.1 Opening: Old way: Alex teaches frontal and loses it with Mirai who asks a critical question.

Deeper layer: Alex is irritable because he is in a new life stage.

AJ 1 – Beginning: Corrie is bored and does not have a satisfying life on her own.

AJ 2 – Inciting Incident: Corrie offers Alex a new garden house to start a new life at home.

Deeper layer: Alex hates his birthday present because he wants more career time next year (fear of birthday, fear of decline, fear of death).

1.2 Inciting Incident: Alex wants to become dean.

Refusal of call: Luke wants Alex to do a health check

Genre convention, build up: Doc reveals menopause.

1.3 Turning Point 1: Alex starts application, is tired and lies about it.

AJ 3 – Turning Point 1: Corrie realizes that Alex wants to apply and informs Luke about his health.

AJ 4: Corrie looks for a new professional challenge.

Genre convention Alex: Alex finds out that Flavia applies as well.

Genre convention Alex: Luke advices support from Mirai.

ACT 2 – 2.1 New plan: A contacts M for support.

Genre convention Alex: Mirai demands a workshop and personal involvement.

2.2 Plan in action: Alex self-medicates for marathon

AJ 5 – Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Corrie finds Alex medication and thinks he has an affair.

2.3 Midpoint: Alex suffers heart attack

Genre convention Alex: Flavia becomes interim dean because Luke passed away.

Deeper layer: Alex build garden house as therapy

AJ 6 – Act 3: Corrie has a job and starts an affair.

Genre convention: Flavia reduces hours, Corrie starts to work and an affair

ACT 3 – 3.1 Rethinking: Alex starts a self-sufficient life and feels good about it.

3.2 New Plan: Alex destroys home to force family to live in garden

3.3 Huge Failure: A lives alone in garden and discovers Eve’s garden.

AJ 7 – Turning Point 3: Corrie moves out because she hates Alex’s new self-limiting lifestyle (poverty trauma).

Recovery: Alex holds Eve’s inspired lecture and gets Mirai’s support.

4.1 Climax: Corrie and Alex have conflict about future of family (dean vs family – just one family)

Deeper layer and moral action: not just one planet, one family, also just one life (celebration birthday, but nobody comes)

Deeper layer: Flavia tells Alex that Luke was worried about him and wanted her to be dean.

AJ 8 – Act 4 Climax: Corrie comes for birthday to discuss divorce.

AJ 9 – Resolution: Corrie makes a birthday party, starts her career and a new family life.

4.2 Resolution: New way of life and family. Corrie works, Alex teaches workshop at home.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Beat Sheet – Draft 1

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned is that I still have the tendency to have it “perfect” before I submit the assignment. It’s hard to get over that concept but I try to practice it more.

ACT 1 – 1.1 Opening: Alex teaches and loses it with Mirai who asks a critical question.

Deeper layer: Alex is irritable because he is in a new life stage.

AJ 1 – Beginning: Corrie is bored and wants a new life.

AJ 2 – Inciting Incident: Corrie offers Alex a new garden house to start a new life at home.

Deeper layer: Alex hates his birthday present because he wants more career time next year.

1.2 Inciting Incident: Alex wants to become dean.

1.3 Turning Point 1: Alex wants to apply but is tired.

ACT 2 – Genre convention Alex: Doc tells Alex that he is menopausal and has to take it easy.

AJ 3 – Turning Point 1: Corrie worries about Alex and talks to Luke.

Genre convention Alex: Luke wants Alex to prove that he is fit for the job.

AJ 4 – Act 2: Corrie looks for a new professional challenge.

2.1 New Plan: Alex checks what students want so he gets their support.

Genre convention Alex: Mirai demands a workshop in order to get the students’ support.

2.2 Plan in action: Alex self-medicates

AJ 5 – Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Corrie finds Alex medication and thinks he has an affair.

2.3 Midpoint: Alex suffers heart attack

Genre convention Alex: Flavia becomes interim dean because Luke passed away.

AJ 6 – Act 3: Corrie has a job and starts an affair.

ACT 3 – 3.1 Rethinking: Alex moves to the garden

Genre convention Alex: Flavia reduces Alex’ working hours.

3.2 New Plan: Alex becomes self-sufficient

AJ 7 – Turning Point 3: Corrie hates Alex’s new lifestyle (poverty trauma) and moves out.

3.3. Huge Failure: Alex destroy home after Corrie moves out

Deeper layer: Alex discovers Eve’s garden house with the flying bonsais.

Deeper layer: Flavia tells Alex that Luke was worried about him and wanted her to be dean.

ACT 4 – 4.1 Climax: Alex invites Corrie for birthday

AJ 8 – Act 4 Climax: Corrie comes for birthday to discuss divorce.

AJ 9 – Resolution: Corrie makes a birthday party, starts her career and a new family life.

4.2 Resolution: Alex and Corrie live a new family life.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Journey Structure

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned is to work with a new lightness that just feels like playing around.

Alex

Beginning: Alex teaches and loses it with Mirai who asks a critical question.

Inciting Incident: Mirai crashes Alex’s birthday party to get an apology.

Turning Point 1: Luke finds out that he is menopausal and should take it easier.

Act 2: Alex self medicates.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Luke passes away, Flavia becomes interim dean because Alex has to stay home after his break down.

Act 3: Alex contacts Mirai to get her support.

Turning Point 3: Corrie and Eva leave, because Alex lives his self-limiting life.

Act 4 Climax: Mirai is amazed and promises the students’ support, Corrie wants a divorce if he applies.

Resolution: Corrie starts her career, Alex teaches a new form of economy and they live a new family life.

Corrie

Beginning: Corrie is bored and does not have a satisfying life on her own.

Inciting Incident: For Alex’s birthday, Corrie offers him a new gardenhouse, so he can spend more time at home.

Turning Point 1: Corrie finds out that Alex wants to apply.

Act 2: Corrie looks for a new professional challenge.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Corrie finds Alex medication and thinks he has an affair.

Act 3: Corrie is frustrated and starts an affair.

Turning Point 3: Corrie moves out because she hates Alex’s new self-limiting lifestyle.

Act 4 Climax: Corrie comes to discuss divorce and pilot comes to pick her up.

Resolution: Corrie starts her career and they live a new family life.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Deeper Layer!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned is that I’m not quite sure how many deeper layers I have. It seems that I have 3 at the moment. It is also not quite clear, if they are a separate story or just a self-revelation. I would love to have something that reverses the story but I’m not there yet. I think, that there are some movie, which I like a lot but which don’t have a deeper layer (about a boy, little miss sunshine, etc.) maybe, I’m wrong and have not discovered them yet.

2. As we did above with The Sixth Sense, create each piece of this “Deeper Layer” puzzle.

Surface Layer: Because Alex shows menopausal symptoms, he wants to become dean to avoid the stressful students.

Deeper Layers: 1s. Alex has to recognize that nature’s laws are stronger than economics’ laws and he has to adjust to them in order to be healed. 2. Genesis 2.0: Paradise lies in front of his house and his daughter Eve is the key to enter it (spitting apples). 3. Voltaire 2.0: take care of your garden and be self-sustainable.

Major Reveal: When Alex discovers the flying bonsai garden house, he realizes that his daughter Eva holds the “key” to paradise.

Influences Surface Story: Eva always spits apples seeds, which Alex finds annoying. Eva is part of the natural cycle, when Alex discovers her menstruation blood tests.

Hints: Everything in her world is round, everything in his world is pointy. The bonsai, which she gives him for his birthday.

Changes Reality: Everything she did against him, was actually to help him to get healed.

3. Add the rest of the structure to the characters to the script. Try to get to the point as we’ve done in the Iron Man example above.

Beginning: Alex teaches and loses it with Mirai who asks a critical question.

Inciting Incident: Mirai crashes Alex’s birthday party to get an apology. (Luke offers his job, Eve offers bosai)

Turning Point 1: Luke finds out that he is menopausal and should take it easier.

Act 2: Alex self medicates. (Eve changes pill)

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Luke passes away, Flavia becomes interim dean because Alex has to stay home after his break down. (Eva does menstruation blood experiment)

Act 3: Alex contacts Mirai to get her support.

Turning Point 3: Corrie and Eva leave, because Alex lives his self-limiting life. (Alex discovers Eve’s flying bonsai garden house).

Act 4 Climax: Mirai is amazed and promises the students’ support, Corrie wants a divorce if he applies.

Resolution: Corrie starts her career, Alex teaches a new form of economy and they live a new family life.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Genre Conventions

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: I’ve learned that doing the structure is work in progress. There are still many things, which are not working. I have to practice to leave it like this and move forward – not an easy lesson.

Title: Menopausal Dad

Concept: What if an aging professor of growth economics gets confronted with his limits?

Genre: Comedy/Drama.

ACT 1:

Opening: Alex teaches growth economics and looses it with the student Mirai when she asks a critical question.

Inciting Incident: Mirai crashes birthday party to get apology.

Turning Point: Because the old dean Luke retires, he urges Alex to apply for his position, away from students.

ACT 2:

New plan: Alex self medicates.

Plan in action: Alex wants Mirai’s support but she wants a new curriculum.

Midpoint Turning Point: Flavia becomes interim dean because Alex has to stay home after a break down and Luke died.

ACT 3:

Rethink everything: Alex gives in and works out a curriculum that pleases the students.

New plan: Alex starts to practice the new self-limiting lifestyle.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Corrie and Eva move out, because they want their former life back.

ACT 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Mirai tells Alex that they support him and want Alex to become dean. Dilemma: become dean or keep family. à has to be between Corrie and Alex.

Resolution: Alex and the family live in a new, open-minded family situation.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Supporting Characters

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned, is, that I’m not sure at all, if the background characters are not the supporting characters and the supporting characters, more in the category antagonists and therefore also main characters. These three character reflect the opposition on the business side, whereas Corrie and Eva are the representatives for the personal, family life.

2. Tell us your supporting and background characters.

· Supporting Characters: the people with whom Alex has to work at University: the dean LUKE, the student’s head MIRAI, and the job rival FLAVIA.

· Background Characters: Sounding boards for Corrie, her LOVER and and sound board for Eva, her BEST FRIEND.

3. Focusing on those supporting characters, fill in the basic profile for each.

Support 1:

· Name: LUKE

· Role: Dean

· Main purpose: He is Alex’s friend who supports his wish to become dean.

· Value: Because he is terminally ill and dies, his supporting fuctions falls away and leaves Alex alone on his quest to become dean. Luke’s death is a reminder for Alex that all has an end.

Support 2:

· Name: MIRAI

· Role: Head of students

· Main purpose: She is the antagonist on the business side, because she puts in jeopardy his application by not supporting him.

· Value: She is the incorporation for the economy system, which is sustainable, sharing, seeing everything interconnected.

Support 3:

· Name: FLAVIA

· Role: Prorector

· Main purpose: She is Alex’s professional opponent because she applies for the same job.

· Value: Because she does not fit the qualifications and Luke’s vision for his successor, it’s a surprise, that she becomes a rival. This only happens, because Luke dies prematurely.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Profiles Part 2

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned, when answering all the questions, the characters take more shape. But it is continuing process, and not over yet.

1. Alex

High Concept: A professor for growth economics wants to become the new dean but starts to suffer from menopausal syndromes.

This character’s journey: From a dogmatic growth economist and tyrannical father to an open-minded member of society with new priorities.

Actor Attractors: A character with a very strong duality: when he faces andropause, which give him complete new insights and a palette of emotions. From being a dominator, he discovers a new, respectful new side. From dominating nature, he starts to live in it. He discovers the ecosystem, of which he is a part.

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist – A growth economy professor experiences the first signs of andropause and tries to defy them by taking on a new professional challenge which puts in jeopardy his family life. By the end he integrates the new life stage and lives a more fulfilling life.

2. Age range and Description: in his 50’s, sleek bulldozer alpha male, arrogant look, tinted glasses, thinks he looks best in a suit, only smiles with closed mouth and very short hair to hide the bolding.

3. Core Traits: Professor of growth economy: dominant, controlling, rational, and economical

4. Want: To become the new dean

Need: To embrace the circle of life

5. Wound: His father was born on the same day and died on his 50. Birthday party.

6. Likeability: Completely cracks when there is something small and vulnerable.

Relatability: He has to deal with obnoxious students who misbehave miserably and provoke him.

Empathy: He tries everything to get his old life back.

7. Character Subtext: hiding something / in denial

Alex is an aging growth economic professor / discovering that his character changes are due to menopausal symptoms and wants to deny them.

8. Character Intrigue: secrets / unspoken wounds

Alex experiences first symptoms of andropause and wants to cover them up / His father died on his 55 birthday and Alex is afraid of his own birthday which reminds him of his own death.

9. Flaw: impulsive and confrontational

10. Values: Career, achievement, money

11. Internal Dilemma: Believing into growth versus accepting the that there is an end.

Character Profiles Part 1

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist – A growth economy professor experiences the first signs of andropause and tries to defy them by taking on a new professional challenge which puts in jeopardy his family life. By the end he integrates the new life stage and lives a more fulfilling life.

2. Age range and Description: in his 50’s, sleek bulldozer alpha male, arrogant look, tinted glasses, thinks he looks best in a suit, only smiles with closed mouth and very short hair to hide the bolding.

3. Core Traits: Professor of growth economy: dominant, controlling, rational, and economical

4. Want: To become the new dean

Need: To embrace the circle of life

5. Wound: His father was born on the same day and died on his 50. Birthday party.

6. Likeability: Completely cracks when there is something small and vulnerable.

Relatability: He has to deal with obnoxious students who misbehave miserably and provoke him.

Empathy: He tries everything to get his old life back.

2. Corrie

High Concept: Corrie is Alex’s wife who wants to fulfill her professional dreams to overcome her midlife crisis.

This character’s journey: From a wife who wants to leave her married life to somebody who has to completely reinvent the roles in the family.

Actor Attractors: A frustrated wife who discovers a new family lifestyle (not there yet).

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist – the wife of Alex. She is going through a midlife crisis and would like to finally live her life after she spent most of her life taking her of her family. By the end, she finds a new way how to live her life and a new way with her relationship with Alex.

2. Age range and Description: in her 40s, always a bit over the top. Extravagant and loud, has to be elaborated.

3. Core Traits: manipulative, charming, optimistic, and fearless

4. Want: To leave her family behind to start a new life.

Need: to find a new way of how the family works.

5. Wound: She comes from a poor background and fears to experience poverty again, if Alex would not be around anymore to secure the income.

6. Likeability: She makes parties and takes care of her family.

Relatability: Unhappy with her actual life.

Empathy: She feels that she always has to cut back her personal interests because she has to take care of the family and her husband still peruse his career without caring about her professional interests.

7. Character Subtext: secretive, suspicious

Corrie is Alex’s wife / close to a midlife crisis and trying to avoid it with a new job and an affair.

8. Character Intrigue: secret / unspoken wounds

Corrie has an affair / she comes from a poor background and fears that if something happens to Alex, there will not be enough money.

9. Flaw: Putting up a façade, victimize herself

10. Values: Status, anxiety, success

11. Internal Dilemma: Extravagant to pretend versus experiencing an inner emptiness.

Character Profiles Part 1

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist – the wife of Alex. She is going through a midlife crisis and would like to finally live her life after she spent most of her life taking her of her family. By the end, she finds a new way how to live her life and a new way with her relationship with Alex.

2. Age range and Description: in her 40s, always a bit over the top. Extravagant and loud, has to be elaborated.

3. Core Traits: manipulative, charming, optimistic, and fearless

4. Want: To leave her family behind to start a new life.

Need: to find a new way of how the family works.

5. Wound: She comes from a poor background and fears to experience poverty again, if Alex would not be around anymore to secure the income.

6. Likeability: She makes parties and takes care of her family.

Relatability: Unhappy with her actual life.

Empathy: She feels that she always has to cut back her personal interests because she has to take care of the family and her husband still peruse his career without caring about her professional interests.

3. Eva

High Concept: Eve is their daughter is torn back and forth between her parents but basically wants a stress-free family life.

This character’s journey: She does not have a journey. She is the traveling angel character.

Actor Attractors: her metaphorical role as being the person who leads back the family to paradise via the apple seeds she is spitting out.

1. Role in the Story: Triangle – the teenager daughter of Alex and Corrie who tries to keep her parents together. Although, she is the youngest in the family, she is the only one who grasps the circle concept of life. Her role is to lead her family back to paradise (garden) and have them get in touch with the true life.
2. Age range and Description: Teenager, she is very smart for her age, but can also go quickly from extreme to another like be very intuitive and lovely to obnoxious. She loves to experiment with topics that are connected to the circle of life (menstruation blood). She has something angle-like, which is also her structural role as “traveling angel”.

3. Core Traits: Teenager: creative, obnoxious, complex, and sensitive.

4. Want: She wants her parents to stay together.

Need: She does not have a need, because she is still a child and does not have a moral or psychological flaw, which has to be changed.

5. Wound: She is a bit like from another sphere but and like Cassandra suffers from the fact that her family does not get or understand her.

6. Likeability: She knows people well and offers them the perfect gift.

Relatability: She is caught between her parents and does not know which side to be on.

Empathy: She is terrified when she hears her parents fighting and fears that they divorce.

7. Character Subtext: secretive, conspiring

Eva is the daughter / she engages in clandestine actions to keep her parents from separating and unintentionally changes the family’s garden into paradise.

8. Character Intrigue: hidden agenda / unspoken wound

She meets Mirai to prevent Alex from becoming the dean / She fears that her parents are going to get divorced.

9. Flaw: rebellious and stubbern

10. Values: Family, love, nature

11. Internal Dilemma: Being a child versus feeling like an adult.

Character Profiles Part 1

1. Role in the Story: Triangle – the teenager daughter of Alex and Corrie who tries to keep her parents together. Although, she is the youngest in the family, she is the only one who grasps the circle concept of life. Her role is to lead her family back to paradise (garden) and have them get in touch with the true life.
2. Age range and Description: Teenager, she is very smart for her age, but can also go quickly from extreme to another like be very intuitive and lovely to obnoxious. She loves to experiment with topics that are connected to the circle of life (menstruation blood). She has something angle-like, which is also her structural role as “traveling angel”.

3. Core Traits: Teenager: creative, obnoxious, complex, and sensitive.

4. Want: She wants her parents to stay together.

Need: She does not have a need, because she is still a child and does not have a moral or psychological flaw, which has to be changed.

5. Wound: She is a bit like from another sphere but and like Cassandra suffers from the fact that her family does not get or understand her.

6. Likeability: She knows people well and offers them the perfect gift.

Relatability: She is caught between her parents and does not know which side to be on.

Empathy: She is terrified when she hears her parents fighting and fears that they divorce.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Profiles Part 1

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned, is that it is more difficult for me to figure out the antagonist than the triangle character. I have to dig deeper to have a good antagonist.

1. Alex

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist – A growth economy professor experiences the first signs of andropause and tries to defy them by taking on a new professional challenge which puts in jeopardy his family life. By the end he integrates the new life stage and lives a more fulfilling life.

2. Age range and Description: in his 50’s, sleek bulldozer alpha male, arrogant look, tinted glasses, thinks he looks best in a suit, only smiles with closed mouth and very short hair to hide the bolding.

3. Core Traits: Professor of growth economy: dominant, controlling, rational, and economical

4. Want: To become the new dean

Need: To embrace the circle of life

5. Wound: His father was born on the same day and died on his 50. Birthday party.

6. Likeability: Completely cracks when there is something small and vulnerable.

Relatability: He has to deal with obnoxious students who misbehave miserably and provoke him.

Empathy: He tries everything to get his old life back.

7. Paradox: a professor of growth economy who is afraid of the natural course of life and therefore also the end of it.

2. Corrie

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist – the wife of Alex. She is going through a midlife crisis and would like to finally live her life after she spent most of her life taking her of her family. By the end, she finds a new way how to live her life and a new way with her relationship with Alex.

2. Age range and Description: in her 40s, always a bit over the top. Extravagant and loud, has to be elaborated.

3. Core Traits: manipulative, charming, optimistic, and fearless

4. Want: To leave her family behind to start a new life.

Need: to find a new way of how the family works.

5. Wound: She comes from a poor background and fears to experience poverty again, if Alex would not be around anymore to secure the income.

6. Likeability: She makes parties and takes care of her family.

Relatability: Unhappy with her actual life.

Empathy: She feels that she always has to cut back her personal interests because she has to take care of the family and her husband still peruse his career without caring about her professional interests.

7. Paradox: Extravagant to cover up an inner emptiness.

3. Eva

1. Role in the Story: Triangle – the teenager daughter of Alex and Corrie who tries to keep her parents together. Although, she is the youngest in the family, she is the only one who grasps the circle concept of life. Her role is to lead her family back to paradise (garden) and have them get in touch with the true life.
2. Age range and Description: Teenager, she is very smart for her age, but can also go quickly from extreme to another like be very intuitive and lovely to obnoxious. She loves to experiment with topics that are connected to the circle of life (menstruation blood). She has something angle-like, which is also her structural role as “traveling angel”.

3. Core Traits: Teenager: creative, obnoxious, complex, and sensitive.

4. Want: She wants her parents to stay together.

Need: She does not have a need, because she is still a child and does not have a moral or psychological flaw, which has to be changed.

5. Wound: She is a bit like from another sphere but and like Cassandra suffers from the fact that her family does not get or understand her.

6. Likeability: She knows people well and offers them the perfect gift.

Relatability: She is caught between her parents and does not know which side to be on.

Empathy: She is terrified when she hears her parents fighting and fears that they divorce.

7. Paradox: She is the youngest but knows the most about life.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Likability/Relatability/Empathy

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned, is that just a few little actions or behaviors of an actor can use these three forms of connections and it becomes a whole different story.

Alex

Likability: He picks up a nickel and throws it on plate in front of a beckoning cat from his daughter.

Relatability: When disturb by an obnoxious student during his class he loses his temperament.

Empathy: Angry and helpless, because we know that his reaction was wrong.

Corrie

Likability: She prepares a surprise party for her husband’s birthday.

Relatability: Pleasant anticipation and nervousness, how will Alex react?

Empathy: When the party gets crashed, we feel very sorry for Corrie for the destruction of the joy and all the work in vain.

Eva

Likability: Eva eats apples and spits the seeds playfully out and tries to have them hit the ground.

Relatability: She gives her father a lovely and thoughtful gift for his birthday.

Empathy: When her parents argue after the gone wrong birthday party, we feel awful and frightened with her.

Luke

Likability: He knows the names of all the students.

Relatability: Luke is terminally ill and tries to hide it.

Empathy: Alex falsely accuses him although Luke just wanted the best from him.

Mirai

Likability: Although she is in a hurry, she takes the time to help somebody.

Relatability: We feel helpless when we see how some people suffer from social injustice.

Empathy: Mirai asks a serious question out of concern and Alex does not take it seriously, then he treats her unfair by screaming at her.

Flavia

Likability: She listens to the student’s concern and does not react emotionally.

Relatability: She gets put in second line because she is a woman.

Empathy: She has to replace Luke who just passed away and we feel her pain.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Character Intrigue

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned, is that I already found some character intrigues that add to the complexity of the character. But, it’s just a start. There can be more to be found and

Character Name: Alex

Role: Protagonist (professor, husband and father)

Hidden agendas: Alex wants to become dean to prove to cover up his symptoms of aging.

Competition: Alex wants to defeat Flavia who also wants to become dean.

Conspiracies: Alex tries to collaborate with Mirai to get the students on his side.

Secrets: Alex experiences first symptoms of andropause and wants to cover them up.

Deception: Alex self-medicates to appear to be in physical shape.

Unspoken Wound: His father died on his 55 birthday and Alex is afraid of his own birthday which reminds him of his own death.

Character Name: Corrie

Role: Antagonist (professionally unsatisfied, wife and mother)

Hidden agendas: Wants to restart her professional life at Alex’s birthday.

Conspiracies: Talk to Luke to get Alex not considered to become the dean.

Secrets: Has an affair.

Deception: Beefs up her professional past to find a new job.

Unspoken Wound: She comes from a poor background and fears that if something happens to Alex, there will not be enough money.

Character Name: Eva

Role: (Teenage daughter of Alex and Corrie)

Hidden agendas: She meets Mirai to prevent Alex from becoming the dean.

Secrets: She knows that she has a secret power: life and nature and can open the door to paradise.

Unspoken Wound: She fears that her parents are going to get divorced.

Character Name: Luke

Role: Antagonist (dean, friend)

Hidden agendas: He wants to be in charge who follows after him.

Conspiracies: Luke tells Corrie about his condition but tells her not say anything to Alex.

Secrets: Luke is terminally ill.

Deception: Luke pretends that everything is ok.

Unspoken Wound: Luke is afraid of letting go and dying.

Character Name: Mirai

Role: Antagonist (head of student organization)

Hidden agendas: Wants a new kind of economy

Conspiracies: She mobilizes against Alex’s to become dean.

Secrets: tbd

Deception: tbd

Unspoken Wound: Her parents lost everything because of an unfair economical system

Character Name: Flavia

Role: Antagonist (vice dean)

Hidden agendas: She wants to become the new dean.

Competition: She wants to beat Alex.

Conspiracies: tbd

Secrets: tbd

Deception: tbd

Unspoken Wound: She has to prove herself in a men’s world.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Subtext Characters

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned this is a great approach to get to know the characters better and add the subtext levels. Every tool adds more depths and creates more interest.

2. With your example movie, give us the following answers for the character with the most subtext:

· Movie Title: About a Boy

· Character Name: Will

· Subtext Identity: A self-declared single dad who looks for single moms to have sex.

· Subtext Trait: scheming, lying

· Subtext Logline: Will is a single / “fake” single dad who looks for noncommittal sex.

· Possible Areas of Subtext: …

3. For your two leads, brainstorm these answers:

· Character Name: Alex Friedman

· Subtext Identity: A growth economist who is afraid of his own decline and death.

· Subtext Trait: secretive, in denial

· Subtext Logline: Alex is an aging growth economic professor / discovering that his character changes are due to menopausal symptoms and wants to deny them.

· Possible Areas of Subtext: trying to hide his new physical symptoms, trying to become dean, dealing with his new condition, aggressively trying out a new lifestyle. etc.

· Character Name: Corrie Friedman

· Subtext Identity: A wife who is tired of pretending to be a happy wife and wants a new life.

· Subtext Trait: secretive, suspicious

· Subtext Logline: Corrie is Alex’s wife / close to a midlife crisis and trying to avoid it with a new job and an affair.

· Possible Areas of Subtext: organizing a party for Alex but actually signaling that she wants a new life, discovering Alex’s self-medication drugs and suspecting an affair, having an affair herself, etc.

· Character Name: Eva Friedman

· Subtext Identity: A daughter who is terrified that her parents will separate.

· Subtext Trait: secretive, conspiring

· Subtext Logline: Eva is the daughter / she engages in clandestine actions to keep her parents from separating and unintentionally changes the family’s garden into paradise.

· Possible Areas of Subtext: noticing that her father changed, overhearing that her parents have issues with each other, looking for Mirai to get her help in finding a new dean, sabotage her mother’s affair, spiting everywhere to build a garden of eden, building a floating bonsai green house to get the family back together, etc.

· Character Name: Luke

· Subtext Identity: A dean who wants to retire because he is terminally ill but still wants to be in charge of his succession.

· Subtext Trait: manipulative, insidiously

· Subtext Logline: Luke is the dean / secretly uses his charm and take care of his succession.

· Possible Areas of Subtext: secretly trying to influence his succession, trying to take care of Corrie, etc.

· Character Name: Mirai

· Subtext Identity: A student leader who sees herself on a mission for a better future.

· Subtext Trait: scheming, conspiring

· Subtext Logline: The subversive student leader / uses sketchy, underground methods to fight by any means for a better future.

· Possible Areas of Subtext: she knows how to trigger Alex’s weak points and exploits it, she uses unfriendly action to get to her right, etc.

· Character Name: Flavia

· Subtext Identity: treacherous, underhanded

· Subtext Trait: An over rational professor who becomes deputy dean and starts to love it.

· Subtext Logline: A rational economic professor / when she becomes deputy dean by coincidence she secretly starts to love her new role and think she in entitled to it by higher forces.

· Possible Areas of Subtext: playing uninterested, although interested in the new position, scheming against Alex, using Luke’s death to strengthen her position, etc.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Actor attractors!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: What I learned is that I already know a lot about the protagonist, but not so much about my antagonist. It’s a start and will keep thinking about it. The tool is a good way to start to think about the important attractors and help to bild the character.

ACTOR ATTRACTOR TEMPLATE

Lead Character Name: Alex Friedman

Role: Aging growth economy professor

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

· An economy professor, who is a strong believer in growth economic but gets fundamentally shaken by his aging and experiencing his own physical limits. He uses any mean necessary to fight the way of the world.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

· His reckless fight to become dean in order to suppress his aging issues.

· The transformational journey from a dogmatic growth economist and tyrannical father to an open-minded member of society with new priorities.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

· The opening scene when he screams at a student for questioning his philosophy.

· When he makes a volte-scene and burns parts of the family goods.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

· A teaching professor who fights physical challenges and tries to hide them. But he can’t and looses control. (Subtext: why does he loses his nerves?)

5. What could be this character’s emotional range

· From impulsive to highly intellectual to weak and helpless – but always a powerful presence.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

· He knows that something has changed in his personality, when he finds out, that he goes through andropause, he tries to cover it up.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

· He has a distant relationship with his wife Corrie, also his daughter Eva feels like a stranger to him. He just rules over them. With the dean Luke, he has a more relaxed relationship.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

· He lives in the world of economy, everything has a economic value – emotions are out of it. He loves bonsai, where he is in total control over it development. So deep down, he has something very tender, which has to discovered yet.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

· A character with a very strong duality: when he faces andropause, which give him complete new insights and a palette of emotions. From being a dominator, he discovers a new, respectful new side. From dominating nature, he starts to live in it. He discovers the ecosystem, of which he is a part.

Lead Character Name: Eva Friedman

Role: Teenager daughter Alex and Corrie

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

· An unusual teenager, interest in experimenting with strange things, very sensitive and creative in coming up with ideas to get to her goal, namely to get her parents back together. Creating a floating bonsai green house for her day, leading her dad back into paradise.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

· She is Eva and gets her family back to paradise; she is the traveling angel who brings love and emotion between her parents who pursuit values such as success and money.

· She is intuitive, creative, loving, sensitive without any hidden agenda.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

· Doing interesting experiments about human life cycle (menstruation, death, life etc.)

· She creates a flying bonsai garden to get her parents back together.

· She spits apple seeds all over.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

· She eats apples and spits the seeds all over.

· She loves reptiles and comes up with whacky experiments.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range

· She is emotionally pretty stable. She is very persistent and decided for her age.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

· She knows the way of life and the way back to paradise and has a plan to save her family.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

· This question makes clear that there is none yet… of course, her parents. But she does not yet have a confident. Maybe she feels attracted toward Mirai, although Mirai is already a student.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

· She is a smart, nature kid, therefore her voice is organic, with natural growth aspects.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

· She is the most stable character, she is the traveling angel. She is full of creative chaos, positively destructive. She brings her family back to paradise.

Lead Character Name: Corrie Friedman

Role: Alex’s wife (interior architect)

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

· Don’t know yet.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

· She wants to start a new life but her husband does not really care.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

· Don’t know yet.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

· She is organizing the birthday party for her husband, but it is actually a party to start her life over again.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range

· From putting on a façade to losing it completely and acting desperate.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

· Getting back into life.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

· With her dominant husband and her daughter who still needs her.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

· She is outward driven.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

· Cheerful toward the outside, but bitter on the inside and get the two sides in balance.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Actor attractors for (About A Boy).

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: It’s amazing to see how well the character of Will is worked in the movie. Every detail is great and gets more interesting to more you watch the movie.

ACTOR ATTRACTORS Template

Movie Title: About a Boy

Lead Character Name: Will

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?
It’s a smart, witty and challenging role about the social evolution of a human being.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

His unique approach to life and his strange philosophy about how to get a girlfriend.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Laying about being a dad and acting like an immature, selfish human being when it comes to relationships.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

With many simultaneous actions at the same time: visual, thinking, acting and talking and all point toward a strange personality.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

From antisocial, immature to being a well-integrated member and well-loved partner.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

The person, who does not care about anybody and does not need anybody.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

The relationship with the Marcus, a boy.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

We hear what he is thinking and it’s pretty funny to listen to the way he sees life.

9. What makes this character special and unique?

The adult behaves like an immature person and the kid acts like an adult – and they have to learn from each other.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

The end, where Will has to overcome his egoistical approach and get on stage to save Marcus. It’s a painful moment for Will and we suffer with him through the humiliation he gets through but we know, this action will save Marcus from social suicide.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s 4 Act Transformational Structure

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: I’ve learned that it’s ok to come up with a first idea and just put it down, without starting to doubt and rethink every step. Let the process do the work.

Title: Menopausal Dad

Concept: What if an aging professor of growth economics gets confronted with his limits?

Main Conflict: Alex wants to become the dean to cover up his life phase and risks to lose his family.

Old Ways:

• The only thing that counts is his career.
• Wasteful and disrespectful.

• Dogmatic believer in never ending growth.
• Finds happiness in consumption focused and sees himself outside a system

New Ways:

• Cares about the needs of his wife and daughter.

• Conscious and caring.
• Embracing self-limiting life-style.

• Discovers his being part of a system discovers genuine happiness

ACT 1:

Opening: Alex teaches growth economics and looses it with the student Mirai when she asks a critical question.

Inciting Incident: Because the old dean Luke retires, he urges Alex to apply for his position, away from students.

Turning Point: Alex finds out that the much-appreciated Guy applies as well.

ACT 2:

New plan: Alex wants to know from Mirai what the students want from him, so they would favor him over Guy.

Plan in action: Alex physically tries to turn back the clock.

Midpoint Turning Point: Alex suffers a break down and has to stay home.

ACT 3:

Rethink everything: Alex works out a curriculum that pleases the students.

New plan: Alex starts to practice the new self-limiting lifestyle.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Corrie and Eva move out, because they want their former life back.

ACT 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Alex has to decide to either become the dean or keep his family.

Resolution: Alex and the family live in a new, open-minded family situation.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Subtext Plot

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: I’ve learned that instead of thinking of story to be a one level narrative, it’s an amazing insight to add the subtext-oriented plots. So far, I think that two structures could make sense. Picking these two plots will impact the way the story is going to be constructed, adding the subtext plot from the beginning.

Title: Menopausal Dad

Concept: What if a professor of growth economics gets confronted with his own natural limits?

Subtext Plots

1. Superior Position

Adding the Superior Position plot means that it will make sense, to shape the story in a way, that Alex might hide his condition from his family, so just the audience knows about it and is therefore at a superior position. It will add more interest and tension, than if everybody knows everything. I also think that, that the movie “Parasite” used this subtext plot, especially in the second part. So, it’s a good example how well this approach works out.

2. Competitive Agendas
It’s an approach, I’ve been thinking about, but having it as a subtext plot, it helps to shape the story in a way, so it puts this idea at the core and builds upon it. It will make the story stronger. It’s the approach that will help to introduce the scheming. It does not mean, that there have to be major fights, but it will help to build up interest and tension as how the two main character interact with each other.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Transformational Journey

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: I’ve learned that sometimes it’s better not to think to long but just type and get something on the page.

Arc Beginning: Selfish, established silverback growth economic professor and absent father.

Arc Ending: Caring father and member of an experimental community, practicing a self-limiting life-style.

Internal Journey: From dogmatic and self-pleased to open-minded and respectful.

External Journey: From a sumptuous professor to a happy minimalist father and educator.

Old Ways:

• The only thing that counts is his career.
• Wasteful and disrespectful.
• Dogmatic believer in never ending growth.
• Finds happiness in consumption and sees himself above the ecosystem.

New Ways:

• Cares about the needs of his wife and daughter.
• Conscious and caring.
• Embracing a self-limiting life-style.
• Discovers his is a part of the ecosystem and discovers genuine happiness.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Intentional Lead Characters

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: I’ve learned that it’s better to do the assignment in a reasonable amount of time than do it perfectly.

Title: Menopausal dad

Concept: A professor of growth economics wants to become dean and gets confronted with his own natural limits.

Character: Alex

Logline: A professor for growth economics wants to become the new dean but starts to suffer from menopausal syndromes.

Unique: He cultivates bonsais.

Character: Corrie

Logline: Corrie is Alex’s wife who wants to fulfill her professional dreams to overcome her midlife crisis.

Unique:

Character: Eve

Logline: Eve is their daughter is torn back and forth between her parents but basically wants a stress-free family life.

Unique: She loves to set up risky experiments.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine’s Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes for me to be a writer of amazing stories with meaning who can move the audience and change the world resulting in financial, critical and audience success.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: I’ve learned once more, it just takes one small step at the time to advance on the path to a great script. At first it sounded like an easy step, I took the time and went through all the different structure to finally choose the Dramatic Triangle.

Title: Menopausal Dad

Concept: What if a professor of growth economics gets confronted with his own natural limits?

Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Madeleine Gentinetta

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

1. My name is Madeleine Gentinetta

2. I have written one full length script and one treatment which won an award.

3. I would like to turn the treatment into a script.

4. The best green tea I ever drunk was at Ai Weiwei’s studio in Bejing.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Hi Linda
Would you like to exchange with me?
If yes, I try to get the pdf ready over the weekend…

Title: Purple Age
Genre: comedy/drama
High concept: After a stage accident sidelines her upcoming program, an affected, elderly jazz singer finds her coming of age in rehab at a retirement home.
Hook: What if a seasoned singer faces her biggest nightmare – her expiration date?

Best, Madeleine

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Hi Andrew

What a fantastic scene! I read the first line and was hooked.

You did a great job on almost everything: situation, scene arch, traits, subtexts, and interest techniques. I love the way you handle Squire’s subtext.

The two things I did not see: Nancy’s subtext and mystery. Maybe it’s there, but I did not spot it.

You could end with some gunshots and then silence to heighten the cliffhanger.

A great pleasure to read.

Best, Madeleine

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Hi James

I had a quick look at your scene… not much time, unfortunately – here are my observations.

Situation, scene arch, and traits:

It’s a cool scene with the dissection of the frog. I found almost all of Nancy and Squire’s character traits. I did not see Nancy being “scheming” or her subtext “scheming lady who is covertly competitive with peers.”

I did not see “situation: two people who don’t trust each other are teamed up to do a job.”. The scene starts, and they’re already a team. I did not see so much of the scene arch end “total mess out of the situation” because Squire is cutting the frog’s heart in the middle, which I considered “being the mess.”

Interest techniques:

I did not see the following:

Dilemma

Anticipatory Dialogue

Uncomfortable moment

Cliffhanger

English is not my mother tongue, so I may miss some things between the lines. In this case, I’m sorry for not catching it, and as mentioned in the beginning… I did not have much time.

I hope these comments are helpful for the next draft.

All the best, Madeleine

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Hi Mary

Thank you for your comment! We almost commented simultaneously. I just thought that you also could have the weather more threatening during the scene… just thinking about it because you said you were hooked by the coming of winter.

Best, Madeleine

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Hi Mary

Here is my feedback for your scene, which I liked to read because of its great setting and well-chosen situation.

Traits and story arch

You did a good job on the two characters and their traits. I’ve seen most of them several times, and they make them get across pretty solid. I did not see Squire’s evasive trait (I also had problems with this trait). I also got the story arch.

Interest techniques

I could clearly identify “Creating a Future,” “Cliffhanger,” and “Uncomfortable Moment.”

I’m not sure if there are: “Hook,” “Dilemma,” “Predictions,” “Something unseen,” “Mystery,” or “Anticipatory Dialogue.”

English is not my mother tongue, so I may miss some things between the lines. In this case, sorry for not catching it.

I hope this helps, and all the best, Madeleine

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Thank you, Mary! I’m very busy this week and don’t know yet, if I can give more feedback on your story or anybody else.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Hi Shelley

Because you already got feedback from others, I am trying a new approach: I point out some elements where I think you could heighten the traits… these are just suggestions. I like the scene, but I also think you have a lot of potentials to strengthen the interest techniques simply by cutting the part of the sentences where they say the obvious things.

Here are some examples of heightening the interest technique and traits.

NICK (28) (waiting for John to catch up)
Hey man, let’s get a back table. We need to get your story straight. (Potential for more suspense with more subtext than saying what it’s all about)

NICK (CON’T)
Look, the investigator is due any minute, and I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. (same)

JOHN
Why are you worrying about me, dude, it’s not your business, I can work this out. (same)

JOHN
Yeah, right. The truth. I wonder who’d you pay off? You know full on it is always the same, one beer, and you’re in the hole again. And you’re a cheating drunk. (Potential to shorten to make surprise stronger)

JOHN
Hey Luce. (turns back to Nick) You moonlight for the guy. I wouldn’t have taken him up the mountain if I knew he was sick. Nick, you know more than you tell and wanting more from the old guy. (Potential for more intrigue by just making allusion than saying it out loud, could also add the trait of John’s distrustfulness).

JOHN
Are you jealous? Look, I committed to helping Luce in the kitchen before all
this happened. But we’re not done with this conversation. There’s something off
here, and I will find out what it is. (Potential
for more intrigue with more subtext than saying what it’s all about).

JOHN
Hey, wait a minute… that’s it! Luce, that last ink you got says it- the one
Nick really didn’t like – what does it say? (To heighten suspens and intrigue:
Maybe have John just says: your last ink… )

NICK (interrupting)
<div>
What are you talking about? Leave her out of this! (Potential for more
intrigue, just keep: Leave her out of this!)</div><div>

etc.

Keep elevating – good luck!

</div>

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Madeleind Gentinetta.

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Feedback

You got a scene with many twists and turns – well done. I also found that you used most of the traits, Robert and Trent’s subtext and many of the different interest techniques and the scene arch as well. I put some of the ones I found in parenthesis (you used more of course).

I did not see so much of Robert being gregarious and low self-esteem. His subtext was very clear. I also did not see so much of Trent’s neediness – but maybe I missed it.

I liked the read and the suspense you were building – changing all the time.

I hate being late. (Meticulous)

Trent, we’re late because you made all those calls. (Set up)

Trent straightens his sleeves, taking a deep breath to steel himself for what’s to come. (Suspense)

Are you going to do this? (Secretive)

Hey everyone, Trent’s here. The fun’s about to start. (Mislead)

This isn’t your whole present. I’m going to get you something more. (Conspiring)

You don’t need to do that. I heard about your dad. (Secretive)

We heard about your dad losing all that money. (Subtext Robert)

He indicates to the guests with a gesture to stay calm, as he joins Trent at the table. (Secretive)

Look… thing is, Jack said he’s gonna beat you up. (Surprise)

Everyone knows you’re the one who starts rumors, Rob. (Aggressive)

Is he here? (Aggressive)

Trent crushes his cup in his hand as he eyes the guests. (Aggressive)

Tim takes the phone, but Trent doesn’t let go of it. Their eyes meet. Something passes between them. Tim nods. (Character changes radically)

Quick. It’s going to be a great show. (Intrigue)

He should be… he should be there. (Surprise)

Something’s wrong – just wait. (Surprise)

Suddenly, Robert is hit from behind, smashing into his bedroom door. (Betrayal)

You getting all this? (Reveal)

What you going to do with it? (Major twist)

[Madeleind Gentinetta]

Feedback for Laurie:

Andrew already gave a great feedback. Here some of my thoughts.

I put the interest techniques, traits, subtext I found in parenthesis (I did not mention all of them). You did a good job in getting them all in. The story you’re telling is a very creative execution of the exercise given.

I did not see so much of Robert’s “gregarious” trait – but maybe I missed it. The end is a very cool idea, maybe you can make the kangaroo surprise a bit punchier.

PS thank you for my feedback!

EXT. CARNIVAL TRAILER, DUST BOWL ERA, NEBRASKA – NIGHT (Interesting Setting)

TRENT. He carefully counts it into piles. (Meticulous) (Suspense)

A KNOCK. Trent quickly puts the money back in the box, puts it in a drawer and locks it. (Conspiring)

ROBERT I hope I haven’t done something wrong? (Low self-esteem)

Trent pours 2 glasses of whisky and offers Robert a cigar. Lights it for him. (Subtext)

About what? I’m a lowly clown, sir. (Low self-esteem)

TRENT

I need you to trust me, son. Can you do that? (Conspiring, needy)

Not exactly. I probably shouldn’t say anything, but I overheard Tommy talking to another one of the clowns. He was saying they’re not going to waste their time working me into the act —

(Subtext Robert)

TOMMY

Boss! Chester says to tell you the ‘roo ain’t cooperating. He can’t get the gloves on him no how and they don’t know what to do. (Suspense)

TRENT

Goddamn, Chester! You tell him to figure it out, pronto, if he knows what’s good for him. (Aggressive)

TOMMY

But you said — (Intrigue)

ROBERT

I’m guessing they have their own way of doing the act. I don’t want to be seen as taking over or trying to show them up. I’m more than happy to take my cue from what the others do if you know what I mean. (Smooth, low self-esteem)

ROBERT

Yes, sit. I’ll do my best. But like I said, can you be more clear? Is there anything in particular you want? (Low self-esteem)

TRENT

Be a goddamn good clown who does what he’s told! (Aggressive)

ROBERT

I think we have a misunderstanding. I don’t know where you got that idea? (Surprise)

ROBERT

I don’t recall — (Surprise)

TRENT

No man forgets his triumphs. I want details — (Meticulous)

ROBERT

Okay, if you’re really interested in my boxing record, I have plenty of stories to tell. I was quite the dandy in the ring, by the way, went by the name of Prancing Robbie, but when I take a punch now it’s for pretend, to keep the parents and kids laughing. (Character changes radically)

TRENT

The crowd knows the difference between a prat fall and the real thing. I want you to combine the two. Giggles and mayhem. That’s something new! (Mislead) (Subtext Trent)

ROBERT

I’ll give it my all! I only hope I don’t disappoint you. (Low self-esteem)

TRENT

I’m counting on it. Between you and me, I’ve got a new backer, who’ll shell out the big bucks, soon as all the pieces fit together. We have to prove ourselves. You and I, together, we’ll show him! (Conspiring)

EXT. CARNIVAL TENT – NIGHT

A big tent, crowds filing in. Above the entrance, a hand painted sheet flaps. We see a clown wearing a tutu standing in a boxing ring with his dukes up against a kangaroo. (Reveal)

ROBERT

Now I get it! One of the clowns will be wearing a kangaroo suit! (Major twist)

TRENT

It’s better to keep the world guessing, son. Things stay fresh that way. ‘Roos name in John L. After the great fighter. Now don’t hurt him. He likes to feel like he’s in charge and he’s worth a small fortune. But make it look real. Give the crowd a show! (Intrigue)

ROBERT

What? No! That’s your plan? I’m not going to fight a helpless animal. (Smooth)

TRENT

Oh, he’s not helpless. Those feet can deliver a mean punch. Just use your footwork. Dance him around the ring until he’s starting to get tired. But not until he’s delivered few punches your way. You know what I mean. Make it look real. The crowd loves a good ass kicking! (Character changes radically)