ray Moore
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Ray’s Profound Map
What I learned doing this assignment is how to connect all the dots to make an ironic, emotional, surprising, and satisfying script.
My Script (Version 3)
1) Profound Truth: Exhibit JOY (Jesus – Others – Yourself) in every area of your life and always keep moving forward.
2) Transformational Journey:
Old Ways: Sad. Hopeless. No sense of purpose.
Journey: Eve is heartbroken with the death of her husband. She feels like she cannot complete the plan they had started. Along comes Ava, who has her own set of problems. Together, they must decide to look to the future with hope and love.
New Ways: Eve and Ava regain hope, get over heartbreak, and start two businesses.
Transformational Logline: A brokenhearted woman seeks God during her time of tragedy. God reveals himself to her in an unimaginable way to help her deal with Satan and his plans to keep her away from her purpose.
3) Lead Characters:
Change Agent: Eve Transformable Characters: good dolls Oppression: Death of Husband
Change Agent: Ava Transformable Character: Eve Oppression: Death of Parents
Change Agent: Caleb Transformable Characters: bad dolls Oppression: Death of Mother
4) Connect With the Audience:
a. Relatability: An ordinary lady dealing with the loss of her recently acquired husband.
b. Intrigue: Has to move into her husband’s mansion alone.
c. Empathy: Having to begin a journey of starting their business on her own.
d. Likability: Takes in Ava even though she doesn’t get along well with children.
5) Gradient of the Change:
Emotional Gradient: Forced Change. Eve is forced to shift from Happily Ever After to starting a business on her own.
Denial: I cannot continue on my own
Anger: Lord, why did you take him away from me
Bargaining: Mom, let me stay with you until I resolve the mansion situation
Depression: Eve sitting at her husband’s gravesite crying
Acceptance: Eve moves into the mansion
Action Gradient:
Setup
Adam and Eve are soon to be married
They make plans to start a business together
Adam dies on their wedding night
Journey
Eve loses her confidence and her faith
God talks to her and she regains confidence
The little boy finds the bad dolls that try to foil Eve’s plans
The good dolls reveal themselves to Eve and encourage her
Ava is dropped at her doorstep
The good dolls teach her how to draw Ava close to her
The little boy and the bad dolls sway Ava to their side
Eve and the good dolls bring Ava back into the fold
The little boy and the bad dolls wage a war with Eve, Ava and the good dolls
Payoff
Good triumphs over evil
Eve and Ava get the business up and running
Challenge/Weakness Gradient
Challenge: Making a life-changing decision Weakness: Ignorance of the future
Challenge: Starting a business on her own Weakness: Feeling hopeless without her husband
Challenge: To continue on with life while grieving the loss of her husband Weakness: Self doubt
Challenge: Rise above the obstacles and create her business Weakness: Unclear where to start
Challenge: Pick up the pieces and meet her deadlines Weakness: The little boy and the bad dolls
C/W Gradient: C: Bad dolls throw up several obstacles W: The little girl that she adopts turns against Eve
6) Transformational Structure
Mini Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure
We start with a date between Adam and Eve where Adam asks Eve to marry him. Eve says yes and immediately shows Adam her dolls.
They come up with an idea for a business venture together. They begin plans for the business as they prepare for the wedding. They get married and go off on their honeymoon where Adam is killed in a fatal accident. Eve is left mourning during her honeymoon.
Mini Movie 2 – Locked Into Conflict
While dealing with the stages of grief, Eve cannot imagine living without Adam let alone starting the business alone. As she is visiting Adam’s gravesite, God communicates to her that she is not alone. He told her to return to her first love and he will send her a miracle that will see her through.
Mini Movie 3 – Hero tries to Solve Problem = But Fails
Good dolls present themselves to Eve and encourage her to start the business. Just as Eve cracks down and gains focus, she is presented with Ava, her niece who suddenly lost her parents and have to move in with Eve.
Mini Movie 4 – Hero Forms a New Plan
Eve adjusts to living with a child in her custody and regains focus on her business adventure when the little boy finds the bad dolls who are sent by the devil to prevent Eve from starting her business.
Mini Movie 5 – Hero Retreats & The Antagonism Prevails
Little boy turns Ava against Eve and they scheme to set Eve behind in meeting deadlines, with the help of the bad dolls.
Mini Movie 6 – Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan!
Eve convinces Ava that the little boy and his dolls are trying to turn them against each other so they will not start the business.
Mini Movie 7 – Crisis & Climax
Eve and Ava work together to start the business. The little boy and his dolls attack Eve and her dolls.
Mini Movie 8 – New Status Quo
Eve and her dolls defeat the little boy and his dolls. Ava apologizes for her part in everything and admits that she wants to stay with Eve.
7) How are the Old Ways challenged?
Question Challenges to old ways
1. Why should I try trust you?
2. Why shouldn’t I trust the boy?
3. What makes the dolls so good?
4. Why are the dolls trying to help us?
5. Why do we continue to fail?
Counterexamples to old ways
1. The boy is always getting into trouble.
2. The boy does things trying to prevent Eve from starting her business.
3. God requires Eve to study the Bible first and not think about the business.
4. Eve adopts a child even though she doesn’t get along with children.
5. Starting a business on her own.
Challenge by “Should work, but doesn’t”
Being nice to Ava should work, but she doesn’t trust adults
The little boy should stay out of her business, but he is too angry
Challenge through living metaphors
The good dolls = faith, love, hope
The bad dolls = discord, hate, deceit
Starting a new business = hope for the future
8) Insights through Profound moments
A. Action delivers Insights
1. Eve realizes the Butlers lost faith in God so she invites them to church.
2. Eve realizes Ava doesn’t know about God so she tries to teach her about the Bible.
3. Eve sees that Ava doesn’t know how to pray so she shows her how.
4. Love realizes Eve is not good with children so she shows her how to draw her closer.
5. Eve realizes that Ava feels hopeless about her future so she adopts her and helps her start her own business.
B. Conflict delivers insights
1. New Way/Insight – Eve tries to convince Mr Butler and his wife to go to church with her.
Conflict – Eve argues with the Butlers about taking Caleb to church.
2. New Way/Insight – Love shows Eve how to bring Ava closer.
Conflict – Love makes Eve realize that Ava just wants to be wanted.
3. New Way/Insight – Eve tries to study the Bible with Ava and Caleb.
Conflict – Eve argues with Ava about Caleb’s activities.
4. New Way/Insight – Eve teaches Ava and Caleb to pray.
Conflict – After discussing a Bible verse, Ava wants to learn more about God.
5. New Way/Insight – Eve teaches Ava about dolls and enlists her help with starting the business.
Conflict – Ava is feeling hopeless about a life without family so Eve shows Ava that she is her fam – I – Love – You
C. Irony delivers Insights
1. New Way/Insight – Eve tries to convince Mr Butler and his wife to go to church with her.
Eve tells them she wants to take them to see a movie but take them to a church event.
2. New Way/Insight – Love shows Eve how to bring Ava closer.
Ava is in her room crying because someone snuck in and trashed her room. When she opens her eyes, the room has already been straightened out. Ava asks Eve how she cleaned up so fast. Eve says, “the dolls did it”, and laughs.
3. New Way/Insight – Eve tries to study the Bible with Ava.
Eve tells Ava that she has a good book to read. She is telling her about some of the things that happens in the book. Ava is so excited to see the book. Eve gives Ava the Bible.
4. New Way/Insight – Adam wills his house to Eve.
Adam’s brother shows up with an old will that says he gets the house. Then, Eve produces a new will giving the house to her.
5. New Way/Insight – Eve teaches Ava about dolls and enlists her help with starting the business.
As Eve is teaching Ava about the business, she is setting it up so that she is starting her business, but also starting a business for Ava. Her faith not only led to her business being started, but also for Ava, as well.
9) Profound Lines
a. Find somebody else.
Eve was very unsure about Ava living with her
b. The dolls did it.
Meaning built over multiple scenes. Goes from an excuse to a realization that there were also bad dolls
c. We are family
Meaning built over multiple scenes. Goes from a question to a declaration of love – We are FAMILoveYou
10) Profound Ending
A. Express the Profound Truth: By the end of the scene, Eve has started her business and adopted Ava
B. The Change: Eve has regained her confidence and hope for the future, gotten past her heartache, and settled into her mansion.
C. Payoffs: Answers to: Will Eve ever love again? Will Eve get her business started? Will Ava accept Eve and remain at the mansion?
d. Surprising: we think the bad dolls will prevent Eve from starting her new business. The dolls thwart several attempts, but in the end Eve regains her faith which allows her to get the business going.
e. Parting image/Line: Eve and Ava walk into the mansion arm in arm, each carrying a reproduction of one of the good dolls. This has profound meaning. We see that Eve is comfortable calling the mansion home. We see that Eve and Ava have become close and we see the first reproduction of the dolls.
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Ray’s Height of the Emotion
What I learned doing this assignment is how to use a perfect line to build on an emotional situation.
Assignment 1
1. Death of Eve’s fiance.
Go back to your first love. Adam is my first love… but you took him from me. My child, I am your first love. Go back to the time when you were thirsty to learn more of me.
2. Eve meeting Ava for the first time.
Find somebody else.
3. Ava’s room being trashed.
The dolls did it.
4. Eve seeing the doll come to life.
Forgive me Lord. I know you will never forsake me because I would not forsake you.
5. Eve adopting Ava.
We are family. Fam, I Love You!
Assignment 2
1. The dolls did it!
a. Eve says it to break the ice
b. Ava says it to be comical
c. Caleb says it, Eve and Ava know that the bad dolls came to life
2. We are family!
a. Eve questions the CPS agents
b. Ava explains to Caleb why she is living with Eve
c. Eve confirms to Ava that she can stay with her forever
3. Faith never fails
a. Love says it to help Eve deal with her loss
b. Eve says it to Ava to help her deal with her loss
c. Eve says it to the Butlers so they can deal with their unruly child
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Ray’s Delivers Irony
What I learned doing this assignment is how to use irony to deliver an insight.
1. New Way/Insight – Eve tries to convince Mr Butler and his wife to go to church with her.
Eve tells them she wants to take them to see a movie but take them to a church event.
2. New Way/Insight – Love shows Eve how to bring Ava closer.
Ava is in her room crying because someone snuck in and trashed her room. When she opens her eyes, the room has already been straightened out. Ava asks Eve how she cleaned up so fast. Eve says, “the dolls did it”, and laughs.
3. New Way/Insight – Eve tries to study the Bible with Ava.
Eve tells Ava that she has a good book to read. She is telliing her about some of the things that happens in the book. Ava is so excited to see the book. Eve gives Ava the Bible.
4. New Way/Insight – Adam wills his house to Eve.
Adam’s brother shows up with an old will that says he gets the house. Then, Eve produces a new will giving the house to her.
5. New Way/Insight – Eve teaches Ava about dolls and enlists her help with starting the business.
As Eve is teaching Ava about the business, she is setting it up so that she is starting her business, but also starting a business for Ava. Her faith not only led to her business being started, but also for Ava, as well.
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Ray’s Deliver Insights through Conflict
What I learned doing this assignment is how using conflict to deliver an insight makes the story more interesting for the audience.
1. New Way/Insight – Eve tries to convince Mr Butler and his wife to go to church with her.
Conflict – Eve argues with the Butlers about taking Caleb to church.
2. New Way/Insight – Love shows Eve how to bring Ava closer.
Conflict – Love makes Eve realize that Ava just wants to be wanted.
3. New Way/Insight – Eve tries to study the Bible with Ava and Caleb.
Conflict – Eve argues with Ava about Caleb’s activities.
4. New Way/Insight – Eve teaches Ava and Caleb to pray.
Conflict – After discussing a Bible verse, Ava wants to learn more about God.
5. New Way/Insight – Eve teaches Ava about dolls and enlists her help with starting the business.
Conflict – Ava is feeling hopeless about a life without family so Eve shows Ava that she could use her help with starting a business.
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Ray’s Turns Insight into Actions
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create profound moments that help deliver important insights.
Assignment 1
1. Insight: Make a better spoke.
Action – open a bicycle shop.
2. Insight: Bikes not selling.
Action – build a better car.
3. Insight: Look to the future.
Action – horses out and new cars in.
4. Insight: Just because it is banged up, you don’t have to throw it away.
Action – Kept the horse and trainer. Found a rider.
5. Insight: Better to break a man’s leg than break his heart.
Action – let Red ride seabiscuit.
Assignment 2
Insights
1. Eve realizes the Butlers lost faith in God.
2. Eve realizes Ava has never been to church.
3. Eve sees that Ava doesn’t know how to pray.
4. Love realizes Eve is not good with children.
5. Eve realizes that Ava feels hopeless about her future.
Actions
1. Eve tries to convince Mr Butler and his wife to go to church with her.
2. Eve tries to study the Bible with Ava and Caleb.
3. Eve teaches Ava and Caleb to pray.
4. Love shows Eve how to bring Ava closer.
5. Eve teaches Ava about dolls and enlists her help with starting the business.
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Ray’s Living Metaphors
What I learned doing this assignment is how to add subtle changes that make the audience more willing to change.
Should Work – But Doesn’t
1. Eve tries to figure out everything on her own, but everything fails until she trusts in God.
2. Ava doesn’t trusts adults, only children. In the end, Caleb was the one that she should not have trusted.
3. Kane follows the devil and constantly sabotage Eve and Ava’s efforts and loses everything.
4. Eve tries to warm Ava up, but Ava turns against her until the dolls show Eve how to gain Ava’s trust.
5. The cook tries to get Eve and Ava out of the house and almost get put out herself.
Living Metaphors
1. The dolls are living metaphors that bring about the change in Eve and Ava.
2. The company is a living metaphor that gives Eve a new purpose.
3. Ava’s belongings are a living metaphor that Kane uses to turn Ava against Eve.
4. The good dolls are a living metaphor that comes to help Eve start the business.
5. The bad dolls are a living metaphor that help Kane sabotage Eve’s business.
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Ray’s Counterexamples
What I learned doing this assignment is
5 Question Challenges to old ways
1. Why should I try trust you?
2. Why shouldn’t I trust the boy?
3. What makes the dolls so good?
4. Why are the dolls trying to help us?
5. WHy do we continue to fail?
5 Counterexamples to old ways
1. The boy is always getting into trouble.
2. The boy does things trying to prevent Eve from starting her business.
3. God requires Eve to study the Bible first and not think about the business.
4. Eve adopts a child even though she doesn’t get along with children.
5. Starting a business on her own.
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Ray’s Old Ways Challenge Chart
What I learned doing this assignment is how to push the story by challenging old ways of doing things.
Old Ways Challenge
1. Cannot start business without husband Focus on studying the Bible to renew faith in God
2. Can’t raise a child Adopts Ava and helps her through a tough time
3. Children don’t like me Tries to build rapport with the boy
4. Always done things on her own Trust in God and the dolls
5. Life is over after death of husband Creates a new life with her business and Ava
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Ray’s 12 Angry Men Analysis
What I learned doing this assignment is how to present old ways to connect with the audience. Then present things that challenge the old in order to bring about a change in the audience.
Old Ways Challenges
Assume guilt Only one “Not Guilty”
Peer pressure Plead not guilty if there is a shadow of doubt
Trust investigator Question if witness really heard the boy’s voice
Trust lawyer Could the witness make it to the door to see the boy
Trust witness Could the witness see past the traveling train cars without glasses
Knife coincidence Shows his matching knife
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Ray’s Profound Ending
What I learned doing this assignment is to create an impactful profound ending I must introduce many setups throughout my story that will give meaning to the ending.
1. God still performs miracles even today
2. Eve and Ava recognize the miracles and come to trust and believe in God
3. Eve and Ava finally get the business up and running, Ava decides to stay with Eve
4. Eve will actually get to talk to Adam at the end for the final miracle
5. The little boy will see the final miracle which causes him to believe
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Ray’s Connection with Audience
What I learned while doing this assignment is to connect the audience to the main character so they can live the transformation.
1. Eve – Empathy – loss of husband and starting a new business endeavor alone
2. Ava – Empathy – loss of parents moving in with complete strangers
3. Adam – Likability – proposing to Eve and committing to start a business with Eve
4. The little boy – intrigue – loss of father and foiling Eve’s plans
5. Eve, Ava, and little boy – Relatability – losing a loved one
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Ray’s Transformational Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create mini stories within my story to build up or transform the characters.
A woman, struggling through creating a business while dealing with her husband and partners death, learns to have faith in God in a most unusual way.
Desired Change for Eve
Forced Change for Ava, little boy, and the Booty Toots
Mini Movie Structure
Mini Movie 1 – Status Quo and Call to Adventure
We start with a date between Adam and Eve where Adam asks Eve to marry him. Eve says yes and immediately shows Adam her dolls.
They come up with an idea for a business venture together. They begin plans for the business as they prepare for the wedding. They get married and go off on their honeymoon where Adam is killed in an accident. Eve is left mourning at the end of her honeymoon.
Mini Movie 2 – Locked Into Conflict
WHile dealing with the stages of grief, Eve cannot imagine living without Adam let alone starting the business alone. As she is visiting Adam’s gravesite, God communicates to her that she is not alone. He told her to return to her first love and he will send her a miracle that will see her through.
Mini Movie 3 – Hero tries to Solve Problem = But Fails
Animated dolls present themselves to Eve and encourage her to start the business. Just as Eve cracks down and gains focus, she is presented with Ava, her niece who suddenly lost her parents and have to move in with Eve.
Mini Movie 4 – Hero Forms a New Plan
Eve adjusts to living with a child in her custody and regains focus on her business adventure when the little boy finds another set of dolls who are sent by the devil to prevent Eve from starting her business.
Mini Movie 5 – Hero Retreats & The Antagonism Prevails
Little boy turns Ava against Eve and they scheme to set Eve behind in meeting deadlines. With the help of her dolls.
Mini Movie 6 – Hero’s Bigger, Better Plan!
Eve convinces Ava that the little boy and his dolls are trying to turn them against each other so they they will not start the business.
Mini Movie 7 – Crisis & Climax
Eve and Ava work together to start the business. The little boy and his dolls attack Eve and her dolls.
Mini Movie 8 – New Status Quo
Eve and her dolls defeat the little boy and his dolls. Ava apologizes for her part in everything and admits that she wants to stay with Eve.
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Ray’s Three Gradients
What I learned doing this assignment is how to take the audience through levels of emotions to keep them engaged.
1. Excitement:
Action Gradient: Adam and Eve are going to begin a new business adventure together.
C/W: C: Making a life-changing decision W: Ignorance
2. Doubt:
Action Gradient: Eve is not sure she can start the business without Adam
C/W: C: Starting a business on her own W: Feeling hopeless
3. Hope:
Action Gradient: God talks to her and tells her to have faith
C/W: C: To continue on with life while grieving the loss of her husband
4. Discouragement:
Action Gradent: The little boy finds the Booty Toots who help him destroy what Eve tries to create
C/W: C: Rise above the obstacles and create her business W: Self doubt
5. Courage:
Action Gradient: The Frooty Toots reveal themselves to Eve and encourages her to continue
C: Pick up the pieces and meet her deadlines W: The little boy and the Booty Toots
6. Triumph:
Action Gradient: Devils many attempts to break her
C: Booty Toots throw up several obstacles W: The little girl that she adopts
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Ray’s Lead Characters
What I learned from doing this assignment is how to identify the main characters and exactly what their roles are in the story.
1. A woman, struggling through creating a business while dealing with her husband and partners death, learns to have faith in God in a most unusual way.
2. Change Agent is Eve because the helps the girl deal with grief even as she is processes her own pain.
3. The Transformable Characters are the Frooty Toots because they constantly encourage Eve to continue her journey.
4. The Oppression is Adam’s death because this was the very thing that caused Eve to doubt herself and her future.
5. The little boy is the Betraying Character because through it all, he was the prankster that kept causing problems and trying to prevent Eve from starting her business.
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Ray’s Transformational Journey
What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a logline the explains the transformation of the lead character.
1. A woman, struggling through creating a business while dealing with her husband and partners death, learns to have faith in God in a most unusual way.
2. When her husband first passes away, she could not imagine going through the process of creating the business because it was something they were going to do together.
3. She learns to believe that God is in control and that she just has to believe in herself and the process.
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Ray’s First Three Decisions
What I learned doing this assignment is how to twist the story to make a change in the audience.
1. My Profound Truth is that God is still in control and trying to get in touch with his people.
2. My Audience Change is that God is still performing miracles today.
3. Entertainment Vehicle is Metaphor
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Ray’s Analysis of Groundhog Day
What I learned doing this assignment is how to analyze movies to make the content deeper.
———————QUESTIONS FOR THE MOVIE——————-
We are looking at this movie from the perspective of the change that occurs for the lead character and the audience.
What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?
Lead characters:
The CHANGE is Phil turning from a jerk to a caring person.
Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?
Rita is the CHANGE AGENT and she is the right character because Phil falls in love with her.
Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?
Phil is the Transformable Character because he is the reporter covering groundhog day.
What is the Oppression? The oppression is Phil being stuck in a loop of groundhog day
How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story?
We are lured because we watch Phil kill himself over and over yet still wake up in the same loop.
Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion:
Phil didn’t care about anything at first (not his job or the people he work with) but by the end of the movie he was saving people lives that he didn’t even know. Also when he realized that he liked Rita, he was just trying to sleep with her but by the end of the movie he just wanted to be in her presence.
What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?At first, Phil is very uncaring (groundhog day, the town of Punxsutawney, Nancy, Rita or Larry). Then, he learns to play the piano for Rita and he has a real conversation with Larry. Phil also maps his day to help the townspeople that he previously saw in need.
How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?
Rita tells Phil that she wants a man that can play an instrument, who is kind and caring.
What are the most profound moments of the movie?
Buster dying several times, Rita slapping Phil over and over.
What are the most profound lines of the movie?
How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?
Phil changes to a caring man and he gets the girl.
What is the Profound Truth of this movie?
The Profound Truth is you must be kind to everyone because it just might change your life.
Anyone can change if they have the desire to change.
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Ray Minor
I agree to the terms to this release form
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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Ray’s Unique Action
What I learned doing this assignment is how to add uniqueness to an action scene to make it more interesting.
1. Looking at your entire story, what is unique about each of these places:
1.Environment: Hero’s mother’s greenhouse
2. Rules: Don’t mess with Mama
3. Villain: Villain’s lack of love in his heart
4. Mission: Villain’s attempt to kidnap the hero’s mother
5. Struggle: Protect loved ones and the portal device
6. Unique Skillset: hero’s mother is a master with plant life
7. Meaning: The mother has tricks up her sleeve to protect her and her garden
8. Allies: Hero’s partner sense of timing and speed and unpredictableness in a situation
9. Weapon: Using the hero’s mother as a bargaining tool to get the portal device
2. Brainstorm ways to make one or more of those places unique:
A. What if the hero’s mother can fight
B. The hero’s mother defends herself with her plants
C. Specific to character or environment. Greenhouse has exotic plants and she will protect them with her life
D. Shocking or Surprising. The mother is fighting her attackers
E. Go opposite.The mother using household items to protect herself
F. What haven’t we seen? The mother using one of her plants to kill some of the Hitsquad and escapes
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Ray’s Unique Action
What I learned doing this assignment is how to add uniqueness to an action scene to make it more interesting.
1. Looking at your entire story, what is unique about each of these places:
1.Environment: Hero’s mother’s greenhouse
2. Rules: Don’t mess with Mama
3. Villain: Villain’s lack of love in his heart
4. Mission: Villain’s attempt to kidnap the hero’s mother
5. Struggle: Protect loved ones and the portal device
6. Unique Skillset: hero’s mother is a master with plant life
7. Meaning: The mother has tricks up her sleeve to protect her and her garden
8. Allies: Hero’s partner sense of timing and speed and unpredictableness in a situation
9. Weapon: Using the hero’s mother as a bargaining tool to get the portal device
2. Brainstorm ways to make one or more of those places unique:
A. What if the hero’s mother can fight
B. The hero’s mother defends herself with her plants
C. Specific to character or environment. Greenhouse has exotic plants and she will protect them with her life
D. Shocking or Surprising. The mother is fighting her attackers
E. Go opposite.The mother using household items to protect herself
F. What haven’t we seen? The mother using one of her plants to kill some of the Hitsquad and escapes
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Ray’s Level 3 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is how to add danger, excitement, and adrenaline to take an action scene to the next level.
Final Fight Scene
1. Danger – The aliens are coming through a portal from another planet. They are devising their own efficient plan of attack against humans.
2. Excitement – The facility armament defends the laboratory to impede the trespassers.
3. Adrenaline = When the hero and his allies cross the line, the facility begins deploying weapons to stop the trespassers.
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Ray’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is the progression of suspense, shock, and suspense to keep the roller coaster moving in the right direction.
1. Getting Promotion – Surprise
Setup – The captain tells him to come in the office
Transition – Coworkers acting squirrelly
Surprise – Captain pins badge on hero’s shirt
2. Seeing the Alien Army – Shock
Setup – Watch the first human being invaded
Transition – Slowly watching humans being invaded
Shock- Witnessing the Alien Army
3. Finding out the villain has been taken over by an alien – Suspense
Setup – See alien flying up to the villain
Transition Seeing the alien go into the villain
Suspense- Alien invades the villain
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Ray’s Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is How to keep the audience involved in the story with an emotional roller coaster.
1. Running through the tunnel.
Anxiety – hearing the sewer creatures
Fear – Fear of being eaten alive
Relief – Figuring out a deterrent
2. Talking to ex-wife during the gunfight (dropping his phone and gun)
Anxiety – seeing that she is calling during a gunfight
Fear – Fear of not answering the call
Relief – Hanging up on her and retrieves his fallen weapon
3. Mother’s attack
Anxiety – Heard his mother’s name from the villain
Fear – Fear that his mother would be hurt or killed
Relief – The attack was thwarted
4. Wife and son kidnapping
Anxiety Sees loved ones on the camera with the villain
Fear – Fear that his loved ones would be hurt or killed
Relief – Allies rescue them
5. Hero attacked by Hitsquad
Anxiety – Stalked and attacked
Fear – Outnumbered and outgunned
Relief – They escaped
6. Son injured
Anxiety – Hero finds son in a pool of blood
Fear – Rushes son to hospital in fear of his survival
Relief – He walks into the son’s room and sees him sitting on the bed
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Ray’s Favorite Twists
1. What I learned doing this assignment is how to put great twists in the story to keep the audience guessing and interested.
2. What if the alien inhabits the hero or a family member?
3. What if the aliens have been there all along hiding from their enemies and there enemies came through the portal?
4. What if hero is killed and the enemies defeat the aliens and still take over the planet (kill the humans)?
5. What if the secret laboratory holds proof that this was originally the alien’s planet and we took the planet from them?
6. What if the aliens come up with something to kill the humans?
7. What if the government has an alternate agenda for the super humans?
8. What if the lackies switch sides and join the hero to save Earth?
9. What if the super humans join forces with the aliens to take over Earth?
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Ray’s Likability/Empathy/Justification
What I learned doing this assignment is
1. Likability/Lovability
1A. Was promoted – boss felt he had potential (if not so reckless)
1A. Admired by his partner who also learns from him
1A. Son looks up to him, thinks he is a good papa
1A. Mother loves him
1A. Ex-wife loves him
1B. Shows love for finding the truth about the recent deaths
1B. Loves gambling
1B. Loves alcohol
1C. Make sure no one else is taken away by a bail jumper
1C. Stop a killer
1C. Save the planet
1D. Discover the secret of the portal device for his mentor
1E. Back and forth retoric with his partner all the time
1E. Likes playing jokes on his boss
1F. Positivity for truth
1G. Law Enforcement
1G. Trying to find justice for recent string of murders
1G. Protect the portal device to save the planet
2. Empathy/Distress
2A. Father killed
2A. Mentor killed
2A. Son injured
2A. Mother attacked
2A. Wife and child kidnapped
2A. Captured by villain
2A. Partner blown up
2B. Loansharks trying to recover his debt
2B. Going through divorce
2C. Down with the law (killing law enforcement)
2C. Planet invasion
2D. Give up the portal device to save his wife and child
2D. Risk his life to save the planet
2F. After losing his father, now his mentor is also killed
3. Justification
3A. Hero is captured
3A. Hero’s mother is attacked
3A. Hero’s wife and son are kidnapped
3A. Partner killed
3B. Villain threatens him to get him to hand over the portal device
3C. His father is killed
3C. His mentor is killed
3C. His mother is attacked
3C. His wife and child is kidnapped
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Ray’s Story Map
What I learned doing this assignment is how to combine the missions and objectives of the characters to map out how my story will reveal itself.
1. Opening: The hero is in pursuit of a mark running in the sewer tunnels searching for evidence in his father’s murder case and runs into the middle of a skin trade.
Mission 1: The hero is in pursuit of a mark running in the sewer tunnels.
Action 1: The aliens are in the tunnels and begin inhabiting the bodies of the rival gang members. They begin shooting at each other with laser assault rifles.
Action 2: During the gunfight, a preservation capsule where the enhanced humans were stored was loosened.
Action 3: Some of the gunmen escape the gunfight and report back to the villain that they had been interrupted.
2. Inciting Incident: The hero learns that his mentor has been murdered.
Villain 1: The villain sends the Hit Squad to kill the hero’s mentor.
Mission 2: The hero recovers the portal device.
Villain 2: The villain sends some of the Hit Squad to recover the preservation capsules.
3. First Turning Point at end of Act 1: Several more bounty hunters are killed. The hero makes a conscious decision to find out who is killing the bounty hunters. The hero gains an ally in an enhanced human.
Mission 3: The hero must protect the portal device.
Villain 3: The villain captures the hero in exchange for the portal device.
4. Mid-Point: The alien inhabits the villain. Not only are bounty hunters being hunted but the whole planet is in jeopardy.
Action 4: The villain is inhabited by the alien.
Villain 4: The hero’s mother is attacked but the attack is thwarted.
5. Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: The hero’s mother is attacked and his wife and child kidnapped.
Villain 5: The villain sends the Hit Squad to kidnap the hero’s wife and son.
6. Crisis: The Police Headquarters is blown up and the hero’s partner is killed. The villain gains an ally in an enhanced human.
Villain 6: The Police Headquarters is blown up. Several officers are killed including the hero’s partner.
7. Climax: The alien army comes through the portal to take over the planet.
Action 5: The alien army comes through the portal.
8. Resolution: The hero’s enhanced human defeats the villain’s enhanced human. The hero overpowers the villain. The hero drives the aliens back into the portal and the portal is closed. The villain and his Hit Squad are imprisoned.
Mission 4: The hero attempts to enter a secret laboratory where the enhanced humans were created but is met with biotech drones that lay dormant to guard the building.
Villain 7: The villain attacks the secret laboratory along with his enhanced human.
Mission 5: The hero defeats the villain and his Hit Squad, the alien army is conquered. The portal device is safe.
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Ray’s 3 Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is focusing on a 3 Act Structure. This structure sets the pace of a thrilling action ride.
1. Opening: The hero is in pursuit of a mark running in the sewer tunnels searching for evidence in his father’s murder case and runs into the middle of a skin trade.
2. Inciting Incident: The hero learns that his mentor has been murdered.
3. First Turning Point at end of Act 1: Several more bounty hunters are killed. The hero makes a conscious decision to find out who is killing the bounty hunters. The hero gains an ally in an enhanced human.
4. Mid-Point: The alien inhabits the villain. Not only are bounty hunters being hunted but the whole planet is in jeopardy.
5. Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: The hero’s mother is attacked and his wife and child kidnapped.
6. Crisis: The Police Headquarters is blown up and the hero’s partner is killed. The villain gains an ally in an enhanced human.
7. Climax: The alien army comes through the portal to take over the planet.
8. Resolution: The hero’s enhanced human defeats the villain’s enhanced human. The hero overpowers the villain. The hero drives the aliens back into the portal and the portal is closed. The villain and his Hit Squad are imprisoned.
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Ray’s Action Track
What I learned doing this assignment is how to find purpose in the actions. How each action or nonaction drives the script to the end.
Foot Chase: The hero is in pursuit of a mark running in the sewer tunnels.
Purpose: The hero is searching for evidence in his father’s murder case and runs into the middle of a skin trade. Hit Squad recoup skin payment when someone is not able to payoff their debt.
Bounty Hunter Attack: The villain sends the Hit Squad to kill more bounty hunters.
Purpose: The bounty hunters are raiding the villain’s casino one by one. Unfortunately, this bounty hunter is the hero’s mentor. While investigating the scene, the hero recovers the mentor’s portal device.
Shootout: The aliens are in the tunnels and begin inhabiting the bodies of the rival gang members. They begin shooting at each other with laser assault rifles.
Purpose: The aliens are desperate to find hosts so they can survive in this atmosphere. The gunfight starts by chance as the bodies are being inhabited.
Rescue: During the gunfight, a preservation capsule where the enhanced humans were stored was loosened.
Purpose: Seven enhanced humans were manufactured in case of an alien invasion. They were placed in preservation chambers where they would stay until needed. During this fight, only one capsule was found. The hero finds an ally with the enhanced human.
Escape: Some of the gunmen escape the gunfight and report back to the villain that they had been interrupted.
Purpose: This alerts the villain that the hero has emerged.
Acquisition: The villain sends some of the Hit Squad to recover the preservation capsules.
Purpose: The villain is trying to gain some profit to cover losses. The villain gains an ally with an enhanced human.
Villain Inhabited: The villain is inhabited by the alien.
Purpose: The alien is in search of the portal device to summon his alien army.
Mother Attack: The hero’s mother is attacked but the attack is thwarted.
Purpose: The villain is trying to get the hero to give up the portal device.
Hero Captured: The villain sends the Hit Squad to kidnap the hero’s wife and son.
Purpose: The villain’s continued actions to recover the portal device.
Meeting: The hero is captured and brought to the villain but the hero escapes.
Purpose: The villain wants to force the hero to give up the portal device.
Family Kidnap: The hero’s wife and son are kidnapped.
Purpose: Villain’s continued attempt to gain the portal device but the hero attempts to rescue his family without handing over the portal device.
Headquarters Attack: The Police Headquarters is blown up. Several officers are killed including the hero’s partner.
Purpose: Villain wants to kill all law enforcement.
Shootout: The hero attempts to enter a secret laboratory where the enhanced humans were created but is met with biotech drones that lay dormant to guard the building.
Purpose: The hero tries to gain entrance and find out about the alien attack.
Final Showdown: Once the hero gains entrance to the laboratory, the villain shows up with his enhanced human. The enhanced humans fight, the hero and the villain fight.
Purpose: The villain is defeated, The hero’s enhanced human destroys the villain’s enhanced human. The hero drives the aliens back into the portal. The portal is closed. The villain and his Hit Squad are imprisoned.
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Ray’s Villain Track
What I learned doing this assignment is to define the elevating actions of the villain.
Version 2 Plan: Before the movie started, the villain learned of the attacks on his various casino’s. In turn, he decides to kill the bounty hunters that he feel is responsible for the attacks. The hero is tossed into the mix without knowing the full extent of the situation.
1. Bounty Hunter Attacks: The vllain sends the Hit Squad to kill various bounty hunters. One happens to be the mentor of the hero, so the hero is hot on the trail of the villain.
2. Hero Attack: The Hit Squad attacks the hero’s mother and she thwarts the attack. Then, they kidnap the wife and son of the hero to force a meeting with him.
3. Headquarters Attack: The Hit Squad blow up the Headquarters building and the hero’s partner is killed.
4. Planet Attack: The aliens inhabit compatible hosts in order to take over the planet. The alien army combat the enhanced humans.
5. Fitting End: The enhanced humans defeat the alien army and force them back through the portal. The hero is able to close the portal. The villain and his Hit Squad are imprisoned.
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Ray’s Hero Mission Track
What I learned doing this assignment: I learned how to understand each character’s mission ahd how they overlap
Clear Mission: Close the alien portal and stop the Hit Squad from killing bounty hunters
Motivation: internal: loss of father and mentor external: protect the portal device
Inciting Incident: The Hero’s mentor is killed
First Action: Villain kidnaps his wife and son
Obstacle: Alien inhabits the villain
Escalation: Other bounty hunters are killed
Overwhelming Odds: Law Enforcement Agencies being attacked
New Plan: Blow up the Police HQ
Full out Attack: Alien army fights the enhanced humans
Success: The enhanced humans overpower the alien army
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Ray’s Hero and Villain
What I learned doing this assignment is.. brainstorming is one of the most important skills to learn
It opens the door to new realities and resolutions.. for a more engaging story. I’m discovering more about the hero and villain and I hate to say thinking like the villain is a strong stand.
Concept: An irresponsible street fighter searching for his father’s killer stumbles onto an alien invasion by an inhabited casino racketeer.
Hero Morally Right: hero fights to stop an alien invasion and save his wife and son.
Villain Morally Wrong: corrupt villain has been killing off lawmen when he discovered the hero were targeting his franchise and black market affairs of monopolizing the casino industry.
Hero:
A. Unique Skill Set: a street fighter with determination and persistence and will to win, losing is not an Option
B. Motivation: Save the planet and stop a killer from destroying the planet.
C. Wound: Loss of Father, mentor, and partner afraid of losing anyone else he loves and not allowing anyone else to go through this heartache
Villain: Racketeer
A. Unbeatable: inhabited by a force that gives him additional strength and an army with unique abilities.
B. B. Plan/Goal: Take over the planet kill the hero and make the acknowledge his fist of fear and strangle the law into submission. Finances to build a military army at beck and call, willing to kill anyone who gets in his way, and will stop at nothing will stand in his way of dominance
C. What they lose if Hero survives: loss of respect and power, pride, control, freedom, finances- death would be better than being put in a cage.
Impossible Mission: the hero must find out the force’s weakness and stop its army from taking over or destroying the planet.
A. Puts Hero in Action: Hero loved ones are killed attacked or captured.
B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: after losing loved ones he must fight even harder to stop the invasion
C. Destroy the Villain: changes the narrative by going on the offense with his allies and takes the fight to the villain’s doorstep
Extrapolate- digging deeper into my villain’s psyche, and his cruelty will help evolve my villain my hero’s character to evolve and change to be a better
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What I learned from this assignment is the opening scene should drop little nuggets to surprises and secrets in later scenes. It is an opportunity to explore higher concepts and more action packed concepts.
An irresponsible bounty hunter stumbles across a secret that threatens the very existence of life on Earth
Highly Skilled Hero: Retired street fighter turned bounty hunter
Demand for Action: turn over the 4leaf clover before his wife and son are killed
Mission: stop the aliens from getting the 4 leaf clover to prevent the aliens from taking over the planet
Antagonist: Crimelord Racketeer inhabited\shadowed by an alien
Escalating Action: avoid getting killed by hitmen squad and save his wife and child