Marcus Dawson
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What I’ve learned about the assignment is the Beat Sheet allows me to correctly pace my story, which allows it to be very clear concise when writing it or making edits.
Logline: A deserted nature guy with animal senses bonds with a wolf and nosy camp kids to take down an animal-smuggling ring.
(ACT #1)
1. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Hank hears a gun shot and tries to find out want happens. He finds a wounded wolf, tries to help it and gets bit on the hand.
2. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank names the wolf Charlie and tries to comfort it. He surprisingly discovers he can talk to animals. Hank strangely becomes dizzy and faints.
3. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Shean and Mimi struggle to teach 11-year-old Camp Kids how to pitch tents.
4. MONTAGE – HANK SPIES ON SHEAN AND THE CAMP KIDS
1)Hank stands on hill and spies on Shean and the Camp Kids
2)He holds binoculars to and away from his eyes.
3)Hank throws away is binoculars as he realizes his vision has improved like a hawk.
4)He pulls a family photo out his back pocket and reminisces about his lost family.
5. FLASHBACK – WHITEWATER RAFTING ACCIDENT
Hank relives the horrible day he lost his family in a whitewater rafting accident.
6. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – LATER
Captain Woodhead hammers up a wanted poster with Hank’s picture on it. The Camp Kids return to find their tents magically built for them. Captain Woodhead flirts with Shean she rejects him.
7. EXT. CAMPGROUND MAIN ENTRANCE – DAY
Captain Woodhead introduces Camp Kids to the park and tries to quiet unruly kids. Shean yells and gets them under control. The restless camp kids soak Captain Woodhead with water guns.
8. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Three clumsy Forest Ranger tried to kick Hank out of the forest pack. He refuses and the wolf runs them off.
9. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Four Camp Kids get lost in the forest searching for firewood.
10. EXT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
The Four Camp Kids stumble across a secluded Barn House and find animals being caged and tortured inside by the Forest Rangers.
11. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST
The Three Forest Rangers crazily chase the kids away from the Barn House.
12. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank uses his new strong sense of smell and sniffs out the Camp Kids. The lost Camp Kids nervously approach and ask for help. Jo-Jo a Camp Kid swings a stick at Hank for protection.
13. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Shean hugs the Camp Kids because they were gone too long from the camp site. The Camp Kids tried to describe Hank and introduce him to Shean but he disappeared off into the forest.
14. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank vigorously chops down a tree with a hatchet. Two Beavers fast talk Hank and try to con him for half of the tree he’s cutting down.
15. I/E. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank returns with firewood to find the Camp Kids knocking on his door. He invites them in and is hit Hank with a ton of questions about the floaties and lifesaver hanging of the walls until one ask about his family and he ask them to leave.
16. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank watches Shean from a distance and is mesmerized by her beauty. He begins to sing the Temptations son “My Girl” of key and other animals began to complain about it.
17. EXT. VOLLEYBALL SAND COURT – DAY
Hank and Charlie the Wolf stand behind a try and watch the Camp Kids get slaughtered by a Rival Team in a game of volleyball. Two mean Kids from the Rival Team prank Eddie and Tommy and pour paint on their head. Hank retaliates by signaling Birds to bomb the Two mean Kids with bird poop.
18. EXT. BLUE WOLF LAKE – DAY
Jo-Jo alerts Hank that is fishing near bye that Carlos one of the Camp Kids is drowning. Hank rushes to the edge of the lake to help but freezes due to his fear of water. Shean has to dive in a save him.
19. I/E. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
The Three blundering Forest Ranger trash and demolish Hank’s Old Camp Trailer with sledgehammers.
20. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank’s jaw drops when he finds his home wrecked. He wildly digs through the rubbish and floaties to find his torn family picture and pieces it back together.
21. INT. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Captain Woodhead scolds the blundering Forest Rangers because they wrecked Hanks’s Camp Trailer but did not manage to catch him.
22. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Jo-Jo huddles the Camp Kids together to build Hank a tent to live in after his old dusty Camp Trailer was demolished.
23. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – LATER
Jo-Jo and the Camp Kids surprise Hank with a tent to live in. He tries to be strong and hold back his tears.
24. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – DAY
Jo-Jo and the Camps Kids find a transport truck filled with animals. They are unable to free the animals because cage doors are padlocked.
25. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – LATER
Captain Woodhead finds the kids snooping around and catches Tommy.
26. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank angrily sits outside of his tent, sharpening a knife and vents about how Captain Woodhead has treated the Camp Kids. He throws the knife at a tree and it lands between the eyes of a Captain Woodhead picture.
27. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – LATER
Crazy Tex Cattleman enters the national park in an old white stretch limousine with bull horns on the front. He discusses the illegal sale of exotic animal with Captain Woodhead.
28. INT. ANIMAL TRANSPORT TRUCK – DAY
Hank enters the Transport Truck to find caged animals inside. He talks to the wacky animals inside; each displays a musical talent and vows to save them.
29. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – DAY
Charlie the Wolf barks as Hank is arrested by a Forest Ranger.
30. I/E SHEAN’S LOG CABIN – DAY
Captain Woodhead slides a letter under Shean’s and invites her to dinner. Shean’s assistant Mimi answer secretly agrees to go to dinner.
31. I/E FOREST RANGER CAR – DAY (Page 38)
The Forest Rangers Pete and Ranger Larry drive down a country road as they plan to drop off Hank far away from national park. While riding in the backseat he manages to have the Forest Ranger turn on each other. He is then dumped on an old country road miles away from the forest.
(ACT #2)
1. I/E SHEAN’S LOG CABIN – DAY
The Camp Kids stare at Captain Woodhead as he drives a golf cart up to Shean’s Log Cabin. He knocks on the door t holding roses. Shean tosses the roses to MiMi and they leave.
2. EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY
Hank sleeps on the side of road and a Bird lands on him. He lets him know the animals need him and his girl was out on a date. Hank jumps up tries to catch a ride.
3. I/E REST STOP – DAY
Hank exits a pickup truck and enters the rest stop. He bumps into Crazy Tex Cattleman the animal smuggler in the restroom.
4. I/E ANIMAL TRANSPORT TRUCK – DAY
Hank sniffs out the animal transport truck and enters it to find the smuggled animals inside. He frees the animals, but they choose to go back to the forest him.
5. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Captain Woodhead lays a blanket on the ground and grabs a picnic basket. Shean looks around and realizes there is not meeting. She rejects his advances, beats him and leaves him on the ground and drives off.
6. EXT. ARCHERY RANGE – DAY
The Camp Kids struggles to shoot a bow and arrow bull’s eye. Hank shoots from a distant and hits dead center. He then joins the Camp Kids and shoots Captain Woodhead’s ranger hat off his head.
7. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank and the Camp Kids are attached by a huge python snake. The snake coils around Hank and Charlie The Wolf bites its tail and they can safely get away.
8. EXT. SHEAN’S LOG CABIN – DAY
The Camp Kids introduce a nervous Hank to Shean. Shean attacks Hank with a fire extinguisher because of the wanted poster misconception and Hank runs away.
9. EXT. BLUE WOLF RIVER – DAY
Captain Woodhead takes Shean and the Camp Kids on a white-water rafting ride. Hank and Charlie The Wolf watch them.
10. EXT. BLUE WOLF RIVER – LATER
Captain Woodhead falls off the raft in rough water, they lose control and Hank has to save them. He rides a horse to catch up, saves them with a rope and bow and arrow but doesn’t touch the water due to his fear of it.
11. EXT. PAINTBALL FIELD – DAY
The Camp Kids are losing in a paintball war.
12. MONTAGE – HANK JOINS THE PAINTBALL WAR
1)Hank sneaks into the paintball war undisguised wearing a mask.
2)Hank takes out a rival player.
3)Captain Woodhead and Forest Ranger takeout another Ranger.
4)Two Camp Kids are taken out by Captain Woodhead and Forest Ranger. Shean takes out the Forest Ranger.
5)Hank takes out with Captain Woodhead in a tough battle.
13. EXT. PAINTBALL FIELD – LATER
Captain Woodhead forces Hank to remove the paintball helmet and mask. The Forest Ranger try to apprehend Hank, but the Camp Kids help him escape by shooting the Forest Rangers with paint balls.
14. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank searches through his old demolished camp trailer and finds an old wooden trunk. He opens the trunk to find survival gear inside.
15. MONTAGE – HANK AND CAMP KIDS BUILDING BOOBY TRAPS
1)Hank huddles the Camp Kids and teach them how to build booby traps.
2)Camp Kids struggle to dig a trap pit.
3)Camp Kids hand a rope to Hank and he climbs a tree.
4)Camp Kids attach rope to a net and cover it with leaves.
5)Hank and Camp Kids cover a pit with tree limbs and twigs.
16. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK FOREST – DAY
Hank and the Camp Kids trick a Forest Ranger searching for him. Hank sneaks up from behind clubs him with a branch and steals his tight-fitting uniform and walkie-talkie. He calls the other rangers to their location.
17. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Shean is realizing some of the Camp Kids are missing a lot and searches for them.
18. EXT. HANK’S CAMP TRAILER – DAY
Hank and Camp Kids lure two Forest Rangers into his traps. While leaving Hank forgets about his own trap and hangs trapped in the air by a rope.
19. EXT. JO-JO’S LOG CABIN – DAY
The Camp Kids huddle in a log cabin to figure out how to free Hank. Shean and MiMi enter the room and questions the kids.
20. EXT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
The Forest Ranger walk a hand cuffed Hank to the Barn House. Hank tries to fast talk his way out of being hand cuffed, but the Ranger does not fall for it.
(ACT #3)
1. INT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
Hank is shoved into a cage by two Forest Rangers. He meets some wild, wacky and musically talented animals while locked away in the barn.
2. I/E. BARN HOUSE – DAY
Captain Woodhead and the Forest Rangers stand outside of the Barn House. The Forest Ranger Hank clubbed runs to them in boxers and a t-shirt. Hank thinks Charlie The Wolf is coming to save them, but he is trapped in a cage too.
3. EXT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
A Pizza Guy delivers three pizzas to the Forest Rangers. They fight over which pizza they want.
4. I/E. BARN HOUSE – DAY
Jo-Jo steals a Forest Ranger’s quad ATV. As they chase him the other Camp Kids free Hank and he then frees the Animals.
5. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Jo-Jo speeds down a forest trail until he runs into a tree. The Forest Rangers then arrest him.
6. INT. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Captain Woodhead screams about the Forest Rangers for getting the ATV Quad stolen. They forget to guard the Barn House and Jo-Jo is locked away in a cell.
7. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Shean and MiMi look for Jo-Jo. The Camps cover for him and lie about his where about.
8. INT. BARN HOUSE – DAY
The Forest Rangers enter the Barn House with all the cages empty.
9. INT. BATHROOM – DAY
The Camp Kids huddle in the bathroom and try to plan how to free Jo-Jo. Hanks exits a bathroom stall and surprises them. He agrees to have a makeover to impress Shean.
10. MONTAGE – HANK’S IMAGE SWAG-OVER
1) Hank shaves his hairy body in the shower and leaves hair clump mountain on the floor.
2)The Camp Kids try to wash Hank’s clothes but the washer overflows from too much soap.
3)Hank tries on a geeky plaid shirt that was stolen from laundry sac.
4)A Camp Kid cuts Hank’s hair into a mohawk and he acts like Mr. T.
5)The Camp Kid cuts Hank’s hair and carves a wolf head into it.
11. INT. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Jo-Jo stands in a station Jail cell and demand to be released. He insults the two Forest Rangers and they both want to attack him.
12. INT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
A newly transformed Hank is unrecognizable to some of the Camp Kids.
13. EXT. SHEAN’S LOG CABIN – DAY
Hank builds up the courage to knock on Shean’s door. MiMi and Shean don’t remember him. He asks for Shean’s help to free Jo-Jo.
14. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Hank and Shean team together to go free Jo-Jo. He then has Charlie The Wolf guard the Camp Kids while they are gone.
15. INT. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Shean approaches the Forest Ranger with a picnic basket and tied up shirt to look sexy. They flirt with her, but she keeps her cool.
16. I/E. CAPTAIN WOODHEAD’S OFFICE – DAY
Shean hears Latin music playing outside of Captain Woodhead’s office as he dances to Zumba. She cries and puts on an act to find her missing son Jo-Jo. He calls the blundering Forest Rangers to find him.
17. I/E. FOREST RANGER STATION – DAY
Hank sneaks into the station, finds and frees Jo-Jo. While leaving the station they run into a Forest Ranger. Charlie the Wolf saves them, and they wait outside for Shean.
18. I/E. CAPTAIN WOODHEAD’S OFFICE – LATER
Captain Woodhead chases Shean around a desk in his office. Hank breaks in and accused him of illegal animal smuggling. He Shean hostage and tries to escape.
19. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Captain Woodhead Shoves Shean into an ATV Buggy and drives away. Hank hops on a quad ATV and chases after them.
20. EXT. CAMPGROUNDS – DAY
Jo-Jo and Charlie The Wolf arrive back to the campgrounds and are greeted by the other Camp Kids.
21. EXT. BLUE WOLF RIVER – DAY
Captain Woodhead exits the ATV Buggy and drags Shean down the boardwalk. They enter a speedboat with a Parasail attached. Hank nervously faces his fear of water, hesitantly puts on Parasail equipment and is thrusted in the air.
22. EXT. BLUE WOLF RIVER – LATER
Hank floats in the middle of the river and Mr. Crocodile attacks. He defeats Mr. Crocodile in water brawl and is given a ride to Shean. Hank unties Shean and carries her to safety.
23. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Hank uses his strong sense of smell to track Captain Woodhead. He has to outsmart a Black Bear and continues to trail Captain Woodhead.
24. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK ROAD – DAY
Captain Woodhead tries to make a getaway in a Animal Transport but the Camp Kids blocks his way. Hank catches up to Captain Woodhead and punches him in the jaw knocking him to the ground. A swarm of Forest Ranger Cadets approach and arrest Captain Woodhead even though Hank thought he was getting arrested.
25. EXT. BLUE WOLF NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Hank is approached by the Forest Ranger Sergeant and is offered an honorary Forest Ranger Captain job. Shean congratulates Hank with a kiss.
26. INT. CAPTAIN HANK’S OFFICE – DAY
Hank can’t stand his quiet office and opens a window. A female Turtle flirts and calls out his names. He sinks into his chair and tries to ignore the female Turtle.
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“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?” Following the 9 – Act Structure can lead to an all around stronger script and helps to point out what needs to be fixed and adjusted within the story.
HANK THE NATURE GUY
Logline:
A deserted nature guy with animal senses bonds with a wolf and nosy camp kids to take down an animal-smuggling ring.
Main Conflict:
Hank wants to live deep in the forest away from civilization to grieve his loss but a crooked Forest Ranger Captain wants him out.
“9-Act Structure”
1. Opening
Hank hears a gunshot not far from his old dusty camp trailer and finds an injured wolf. As he tries to help the wolf, the wolf bites his hand causing a strange animal like reaction, allowing him to talk to animals.
2. Inciting Incident
Hank misses his family and reminisces over a family picture. He flashes back to the day he lost them in a whitewater rafting accident. He feels worthless that he could not help them because of his fear of water. The sight of the camp kids and their beautiful counselor give him a since of hope.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
A band of blundering forest rangers try to kick Hank out of his home because he has over stayed his welcome in the forest but the wolf runs them off. The nosy camp kids discover the illegal animal smuggling ring and ask Hank for help.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Hank tries to help a gang of crazy animals from being smuggled but ends up getting captured and exiled from the forest. While Hank is away Forest Ranger Captain unsuccessfully hits on Shean the camp counselor.
5. Mid-Point
Hank accidentally saves the gang of crazy animals and sneaks back into the forest campsite. After just barely saving the camp kids from a hungry python, they reward him by introducing Hank to Shean their camp counselor but she violently runs him off.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Hank disguises himself as a paintball player and defends the camp kids from an embarrassing paintball war loss. The Ranger Captain being a sore loser forces Hank to reveal himself and gets locked up with caged animals.
7. Crisis
Hank reluctantly makes a change to his grungy appearance and transforms his useless way. He finally builds up the courage to confront Shean and ask her to help to free a camp kid which happens to be her son.
8. Climax
As the evil Ranger Captain’s animal empire crumbles he kidnaps Shean to get away, takes Hank on a wild chase and he is forced to face his biggest fear of water.
9. Resolution
The Ranger Sergeant arrest the evil Ranger Captain and awards Hank the position of the new Forest Ranger Captain. He is also allowed to officially live in the forest and Shean rewards him with a kiss.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Marcus Dawson.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by
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Marcus Dawson, I agree to the terms of this release form.
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What’s up Team,
I’m looking for a partner to share my Logline and One Page with. If you need a partner let me know.
Thanks Marcus
Logline: A deserted nature guy with animal senses bonds with a wolf and nosy camp kids to take down an animal-smuggling ring.
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What I’ve learned is wordsmithing is only 10% of the re-writing process.
Title:
Hank The Nature Guy
Logline:
A deserted nature guy with animal senses bonds with a wolf and nosy camp kids to take down an animal-smuggling ring.
One Page Synopsis:
Hank feels worthless after losing his family in a water accident. He chooses to live guarded and isolated deep within the forest away from meddling forest rangers trying to kick him out.
The bite from an eerie wolf gives him unreal senses. He adapts to a new look on life and learns how to care again while making friends with nosy camp kids and hiding a secret crush on their camp counselor.
Hank uselessly vows to protect the crazy camp kids while meeting wild and wacky animal friends along the way. He puts himself in danger after numerous failed attempts of trying to protect them.
In a last ditch effort he must over come his biggest fear, save his love crush and take down an illegal animal smuggling ring or risk losing it all.
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Hello Everyone,
I’m Marcus Dawson. I’ve written 5 scripts and have others in the works. I’m a former world ranking US Olympic alternate in the sport of Judo. I’m competitive and always up for a challenge, just like how I achieved one of the highest marks in my sport I want to hone my skills in the sport of screenwriting. I’ve chosen one of my scripts to re-write and look forward to completing this class a better writer and soon hope to write on a professional level. I enjoy all genres of screenwriting.
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Hi PJ I know it’s a little late but do you want to partner up again and review our 9-Act Structure assignment 2.
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Thanks PJ I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I will put them to good use.
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PJ I enjoyed reading your logline and one pager. Soul Trafficker is very interesting and takes you on a journey.
The only advise that I would give so far is less is more when it comes to the One Pager. Try to brush over beginning, middle and end without giving to much.
Show your protagonist figuratively being an Orphan (what makes them unique), Wanderer (trying to find answers), Warrior (fighting to resolve central question) and finally a Martyr (willing to lose it all to win in the end).
I hope this advise helps out. I’m looking forward to you review on my logline and one pager. I find it hard to following my own advise sometimes and sometimes I feel I may be giving too less on my synopsis.
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Thanks I will review you logline and One Pager now.
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Hi Martin sure we can partner up. Have you posted your logline and One Page synopsis under the Day 1 Assignment Forum yet. Mine is posted there but I’m not sure if I see yours.
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Hi PJ this is Marcus and I’m interested in partnering up on assignment 1.
My Logline is – A deserted nature guy with animal senses bonds with a wolf and nosy camp kids to take down an animal-smuggling ring.