[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Is a Proofreading Star!

Vision: Get this script optioned.

This in depth proofreading allowed me to catch a number of errors. Particularly, there were several places where I had skipped a word, usually something like “to”. The last thing I want is to distract a reader with a bunch of typos.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Wordsmithing!

Vision: Get this screenplay optioned.

I didn’t keep strict count, but there were dozens of places in my script where this exercise allowed me to tighten up the description lines. Especially widow and orphan lines. The other stuff is not so much of a problem for me, as I have good writing habits at this point.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus has Amazing Dialog!

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment taught me a good way to polish the dialog in my script.

Here’s a couple of examples of improved lines:

CHARLOTTE

You think you can tell? Well, I got you fooled, and everybody else, too. It ain’t love, it’s just sex.

CHARLOTTE

That so? Not skilled enough to take the theater stage, I do my best acting on my back. How I make my living, is all it is.

HANNIBAL

Like he knew this was coming. Was you in on it, too, boss?

JAKE

Hell, no.

HANNIBAL

Like he knew this was coming. Was you in on it, too, boss?

JAKE

Violence ain’t in my nature, Hannibal.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Feedback exchange 2

I did one script swap and am ready for another.

By the way, mine is in the Drama/Action genre (specifically, a western). It’s about a desperate builder who takes his crew to a ghost town to dismantle it for lumber. There, they run into a vicious gang of outlaws who use the place for a hideout.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Feedback Exchange 1

I’m ready to swap scripts. Who’s interested?

Email me at:

marcus.wolf1@comcast.net, and we’ll work out the trade.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus has tested every line!

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment reinforced for me the value of brevity in the action lines. I’ve been observing this practice for years, but it’s nice to have it reviewed.

<div>
</div><div>

Going through my script, I
cut a lot of action lines. There are still a lot, but this is an action/drama.
The choices of what to cut are difficult.

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus is great at subtext pointers!

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment taught me a lot about subtext, a critical aspect of great writing.

I went through the entire script with this in mind. Here are some changes I made:

Before lines:

ISAAC

Somebody’s been stealing our lumber.

JAKE

Maybe if you put it on the building, they’d stop taking it.

After lines:

ISAAC

Somebody’s been stealing our lumber.

JAKE

They taking it off the building?

Isaac looks at Jake quizzically, puzzled.

JAKE (CONT’D)

Try hiding it on there. Maybe they won’t find it.

Before lines:

ISAAC (CONT’D)

We got a problem over at the site.

Jake resumes walking briskly. Isaac keeps up.

JAKE

Let’s review, Isaac. You’re my foreman. Foreman. Solves. Problems. Now, go do some of that. I got a lot on my mind.

After lines:

ISAAC (CONT’D)

We need you over at the site.

Jake resumes walking briskly. Isaac keeps up.

JAKE

No, Isaac. You’re my foreman. I got a lot on my mind.

Before lines:

JAKE

I started out with about this much, saved up from my soldiering pay. And this, right here, is all of this I got left. That business was all I had. And our client, Abernathy? He’ll see me in jail. I’m making me a tactical withdrawal. Come with. I need a good foreman. There’s just enough here to start over.

ISAAC

Things look poorly, I’ll concede, but there’s a better way forward.

After lines:

JAKE

I started out with about this much, saved up from my soldiering pay. And this, right here, is all of this I got left, after four years.

ISAAC

You’ve got a lot of…

(pats the bed)

Necessary expenses.

JAKE

You find this funny? Our client, Abernathy? He’ll see me in jail. I’m making me a tactical withdrawal. Come with. I need a good foreman. There’s just enough here to start over.

ISAAC

Things look poorly, I’ll concede, but there’s a better way forward.

Before lines:

BILLY

Hey, Mr. Castle, they got ghosts here? I’m getting chills up my spine.

ISAAC

Ghosts aren’t real, Billy. It’s just a dead town.

After lines:

BILLY

Hey, Mr. Castle, they got ghosts here? I’m getting chills up my spine.

ISAAC

Ghosts aren’t real, Billy. There’s nobody here, living or dead, but us.

Before lines:

ISAAC

And on the official record, I’m not here for the money. You can have it all, for what little I care.

JAKE

That’s a lot of trouble you went to to not get any money.

After lines:

ISAAC

And on the official record, I’m not here for the money. You can have it all, for what little I care.

JAKE

What the fuck have you got me into?

Before Lines:

Isaac pulls out his locket, opens it and punches it into Jake’s chest. Jake takes it, looks down at it. Peeks out the window at Adelaide. Jake checks the locket again.

JAKE

Son of a bitch. That’s why we’re really here.

After lines:

<div>Isaac pulls out his locket,
opens it and punches it into Jake’s chest. Jake takes it, looks down at it.
Peeks out the window at Adelaide. Jake checks the locket again.</div><div>

JAKE

It couldn’t have been about
money. That’d be too fucking easy.

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus loves Covering Subtext!

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment taught me a lot about subtext, a critical aspect of great writing.

I went through the entire script with this in mind and elevated the dialog with it in a number of places.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus loves Anticipatory Dialogue

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment taught me yet another way to elevate my dialog and in turn, elevate the script. Having that list of 11 methods really helped in getting through another draft of the script.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus loves Attack / Counterattack Dialogue

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment teaches the specialty dialog type: banter. I’ve always been interested in having clever banter between my characters and have focused on it in my scripts. This lesson taught me a few ways to refine that.

In this scene, the protagonist, Jake wakes out of a nightmare and briefly rough handles the woman, Charlotte, he sleeps next to:

CHARLOTTE

Christ almighty, sweetie, what in hell were you dreaming about this time?

Jake kisses her on the cheek. He gets up, stands over the commode and urinates.

JAKE

Sorry, Charlotte. Did I hurt you?

CHARLOTTE

I’ve had worse. Yesterday you like to broke my nose.

Charlotte laughs cheerfully. Jake winces.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)

I’m sorry, Jake. I don’t aim to make light of it. We all got our demons, don’t we?

Jake goes to the basin, pours water from the pitcher, rinses his face. Looks at himself in the mirror. Jake pulls his underwear away from his left collarbone revealing a gnarly stab wound scar.

JAKE

Nothing of the kind. Just a dream, is all, my love.

He touches the scar briefly and works his shoulder.

CHARLOTTE

Easily confused with anybody else’s nightmares, your dreams.

Jake gets in bed with Charlotte. He kisses her. She kisses back. Growing excited, he starts to roll on top of her.

She abruptly turns away, checks her pocket watch.

CHARLOTTE (CONT’D)

Listen, sweetie, I got somewheres I need to get.

Holds her hand in front of him, palm up, expectantly.

JAKE

Wait, just a few more minutes. Let’s just live. In this moment, just live a little. You and me.

CHARLOTTE

Live? That your new name for it?

Charlotte giggles and shoves Jake out of bed. He goes to the bureau, takes some cash from a drawer and hands it to her. As she takes it, he holds on to it.

JAKE

A life together. Not like this. Marry me, Charlotte.

Charlotte laughs cheerfully.

CHARLOTTE

(jokingly, not asking but confirming)

Rescue me from my hardship as a fallen woman, will you, sir?

She tugs. Jake releases the money. She puts on her shoes.

JAKE

After how long it’s been, I see your feelings for me. I can tell.

CHARLOTTE

That so? Not skilled enough to take the theater stage, I do my best acting on my back. How I make my living, is all it is.

JAKE

I never told nobody I loved her before. You’re my dream.

CHARLOTTE

(serious)

Judging by your dreams? Might call into question what you mean by love, Jake. I ain’t in no position to marry you, even if I wanted it.

Charlotte gets out of bed, taking her pocket watch.

JAKE

Then you’ll come to love me. Surely.

<div>CHARLOTTE</div><div>

(huffs angrily)

Tell yourself whatever you
please.

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Dialog Structures

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment provided some very specific things to look for to improve dialog. I’ve always known that the value of dialog is nearly inestimable and this lesson teaches an important aspect of it. But it’s harder than Hal makes it sound to do this well.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Elevated Dialog

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment taught me some good ways to look at dialog and rewrite it.

Protagonist Jake Barnet.

I rewrote 19 of his lines to some degree. Here’s a good example:

“Lord, you know I don’t ask for nothing. You done taken my parents. And my brothers. I’m all that’s left. I got through the wars without your help. But just a little something for me now?”

Changed to,

“Lord, we got the biggest building boom in the history of the world going on out here. And here I can’t make a living at carpentry. I asked for your help a few times during the wars and I didn’t hear nothing from you. And I understood it, off all your preaching peace. But carpenter to carpenter, a little help would go a long way.”

Antagonist Lucien Rickey.

I rewrote 6 of his lines. Example:

<div>“Lay down them guns or I’ll
shoot him dead.”
</div><div>

Changed to,

“I shoot him now, my ears will be ringing for a
week. That don’t mean I won’t do it. Guns down.”

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Elevated Interest

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment taught some good techniques for making scenes more interesting. It’s a good skill to use, and I’ve tried to make it a habit, as I write.

I do not have my scenes numbered at this time, but here are a few examples of scenes I used this on:

Scene x: Added suspense to
the major twist at the end of act 3.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Elevated Emotion!

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment taught a way to improve emotional impact. It made clear how this could be done. It’s not as easy as it sounds, but at least I have a way forward on this.

Many of my scenes were already quite emotional. Here are a few examples of ones that I elevated:

Scene 2 Essence: Jake, a cavalry officer orders a terrified private into a fierce battle.

How Intensified: Raise the stakes. At the end of the scene, the private is about to die. Jake attempts to save him and fails.

Scene 4 Essence: Jake tries to “buy” the prostitute he’s fallen in love with from her pimp.

How intensified: Humiliation. The prostitute runs away from Jake when he enters the saloon because she doesn’t want him. The other prostitutes laugh at Jake. The pimp chases Jake away with a shotgun.

Scene (I don’t have my scenes numbered) Essence: Carpenter Isaac shows apprentice how to use a saw.

How Intensified: Triggers a wound. Isaac looks at a picture in a locket and becomes sad. Apprentice asks him what’s wrong and Isaac snaps at him.

Scene X Essence: Isaac’s men challenge him to shoot a target they have just shot.

How Intensified: Escalate
the conflict. The men tease him at first, then the criticisms become harsh and
Isaac sees he’s losing their respect. Near-sighted and a poor shot, he gives in
and tries anyway.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Dramatic Reveals

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment gave me some inspiration on how to improve reveals. It is a very important story element, and I tend to drop them in, let them happen, then look at other things. But this time I went through the script and looked at each one with an eye to improving it.

Example: In my first scene, the protagonist wakes up next to a woman who the audience is supposed to assume is his wife. It is soon revealed that she is a prostitute. And that he is in love with her, almost obsessively. I was able to rewrite this scene to make that reveal more impactful.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Loves Character Depth

My Vision: Get my script made into a movie.

This assignment showed some good ways to put more depth into characters.

My main characters had a lot of what this lesson taught already, but my protagonist needed some work. I had a hard time with it. I found that the lesson did not go into the concept well enough for me to easily apply some of the methods to my own characters. However, I think I got the hang of most of it. My main character still needs some work, but I’ll keep going back to him as I continue these rewriting exercises.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Script Exchange

I got some good and useful feed back from my first exchange.

[Marcus Wolf]

Hi –

I’m a little late with this, but I’ve got my script ready to exchange if anyone is interested.

Contact me here or my email: marcus.wolf1@comcast.net.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Solved Scene Problems

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This assignment was supposed to help identify and fix certain types of scene problems. I did my best to find and correct these, but the link to the grid only led me to an error page. I’m an experienced script writer, so hopefully, I got the job done here anyway.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Is Cliché Busting.

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This assignment pointed out that getting rid of cliches will improve the quality of the movie. It’s always a good idea to be original, but a closer check for cliches seems like a good idea that might easily be overlooked. My problem is that I’m writing a western and every scene feels like a cliché. Not sure I’m getting this one.

[Marcus Wolf]

I’m going out of town for a couple weeks. But my script is almost ready. I’ll get back to you when I return.

[Marcus Wolf]

Please scroll down and see my next post…

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Solved Character Problems!

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This assignment taught a good way to make sure characters are engaging. There are good ideas on how to fix issues with them.

There were a few character
problems in my script, but for the most part, my characters are good.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Structure Solutions!

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This assignment taught a good way to do a first rewrite of the rough draft.

There were quite a number
of problems in my script, although the fundamental story was there. I didn’t
catalogue them all, but most of them were in Act 2 and Act 3.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Has Finished Act 4

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

I finished the first draft of my script. It’s got a lot of problems, so I’m looking forward to rewriting it into something good!

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Contiues Act 4

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

Speed writing the script is getting the job done.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Started Act 4

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

I’m continuing to move
along in writing my script at a rapid pace.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Finishing Act 3

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

I’m continuing to move along in writing my script at a rapid pace.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Continuing Act 3

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

I’m continuing to move along in writing my script at a rapid pace.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Began Act 3

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This method is great for a first draft and is working well for me.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Completed Act 2

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This method is great for a
first draft and is working well for me.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Continuing Act 2

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This method is great for a
first draft and is working well for me.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Began Act 2

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This method is great for a first draft and is working well for me.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Finished Act 1

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This method is great for a first draft and is working well for me.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Next Act 1 Scenes

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

This method is great for a first draft and is working well for me.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Act 1 First Draft Part 1

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

With little or no worries
about quality, I was able to write the entire first act in a few hours. It’s
definitely a 30% job, but the story is there.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ High Speed Writing Rules

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

When I learned this
technique in a previous class, the revelation for me was to not worry in the
least about quality. I had always been a fast writer, but I could get bogged down sometimes trying for perfection in very early drafts. Then,
too much detail, combined with sketchy outlines, gave me these massive scripts
that I had to spend weeks paring down. The key here is to trust yourself to create the bones and let perfection develop as you go.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ First Scene

My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.

I have done this before and the process went well. It was relatively easy to write the scene as long as I didn’t have to get it perfect.

[Marcus Wolf]

Hi Everybody,

I’m ready to swap outlines.

Mine is a Western (Drama) entitled, BEYOND THE FADED TRAIL.

A builder, critically short on lumber takes his men to a ghost town to dismantle it, only to discover that it is being used by a gang of outlaws as a hideout.

Marcus

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Fascinating Scene Outlines

My vision: I get a script made into a movie.

This lesson teaches an excellent (but tedious) method of adding interest to scenes. Breaking everything down into interest techniques is a very good tool for enriching scenes.

ACT 1:

1 INT. JAKE BARNET’S HOTEL ROOM – DAY

Barnet wakes up in the morning with CHARLOTTE, he comes out of a PTSD nightmare and they speak like a married couple. She collects money from Barnet, revealing she’s a prostitute.

Scene Arc: Barnet and Charlotte, a “married couple” become a customer and prostitute.

Essence: Establish Barnet as someone fooling himself.

Conflict: Barnet thinks he’s in love but Charlotte doesn’t take him seriously.

Subtext: Barnet sets an unrealistic goal that will ultimately fail and deep down he knows it.

Hope/fear: We hope that poor Barnet will find love. His hopes are dashed.

Beginning: (Mislead) Barnet wakes up in the morning with CHARLOTTE and they speak like a married couple.

Middle: (Reveal/Surprise) Charlotte collects money from Barnet, revealing she’s a prostitute.

Ending: (Uncomfortable moment) Barnet asks her to quit her job and marry him. She turns him down flat.

2 INT. SALOON – DAY

Barnet approaches ALF, the proprietor and pimp, and asks to buy out his interest in Charlotte. When Barnet gets too insistent, Alf pulls a shotgun on him. Barnet backs down.

Scene Arc: Barnet goes to plan B concerning Charlotte.

Essence: Still fooling himself, he thinks getting Charlotte out from Alf’s control will make her his.

Conflict: Barnet and Alf butt heads over Charlotte.

Subtext: Barnet can’t really take responsibility for his feelings toward Charlotte.

Hope/fear: We hope that Barnet will come to his senses. Fear he’ll get shot.

Beginning: (Intrigue) Barnet approaches ALF, the proprietor and pimp, and asks to buy out his interest in Charlotte.

Middle: (mislead/reveal) Alf politely tells Barnet to go fuck himself. Barnet insists on a price. Alf quickly grows mean and pulls out a shotgun.

Ending: (Uncomfortable moment) Barnet backs off saying it was only a joke, but we know he was serious.

3 INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT – DAY

Near evening. Jake meets with prospective CLIENTS for his building business. They finish dinner which Barnet magnanimously pays for. But they won’t consider his proposal until they see what he’s done. They set out for the construction site.

Scene Arc: Works with the next scene.

4 EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY

Near evening. ISAAC Castle’s carpenters are not very good and he tries to instruct them. Jake and Clients show up. Isaac tells the men to knock off a little early to practice shooting while it’s still light. Barnet’s angry. Isaac complains that some of the lumber has been stolen. Clients leave unimpressed. Isaac takes the youngster BILLY with him to find Sheriff Edmund.

Scene Arc: The men are poor carpenters. Isaac wants them to be good gunmen.

Essence: Establish that Isaac hired unqualified carpenters but good gunmen.

Conflict: Barnet wants his foreman and his men to make a good impression. They don’t.

Subtext: Barnet does not have control of his business. He’s more hung up on getting paid than doing a good job, and the goings-on at his construction site confirm it.

Hope/fear: We hope Barnet can get business.

Beginning: () Jake has dinner with prospective clients. Does well. Offers them whores but they’d rather see the construction site.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Barnet brings them to the site where they see disorder that Barnet didn’t know about. Clients leave after one is nearly killed by a bucket of nails on a pulley.

Ending: () Barnet is mad at Isaac, but Isaac distracts him with complaints of stolen lumber. Isaac explains he’s training the men to guard the site during off hours.

5 EXT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE/JAIL – DAY

Isaac and Billy reach the sheriff’s office having seen the thoroughfare pasted with copies of wanted posters for Lucien RICKEY and Holland Whitaker. Sheriff EDMUND and a DEPUTY stand outside handing out posters to numerous young men crowding around. Isaac argues that hanging so many posters is stupid. The poster of Lucien Rickey especially infuriates him. Edmund ignores him. Isaac makes a speech to the young men about the dangers of hunting this outlaw. Isaac sees a rival builder in the crowd, accuses him of stealing lumber and attacks him. Edmund throws Isaac in jail. Billy runs to find Barnet.

Scene Arc: Isaac goes to complain about theft and ends up in jail himself.

Essence: Isaac gets himself thrown in jail.

Conflict: Isaac and Edmund disagree on the posters. Isaac loses his temper and attacks someone.

Subtext: Isaac wants to be thrown in jail. And he wants to kill Rickey himself.

Hope/fear:

Beginning: () Isaac argues with the sheriff.

Middle: (Character change) Isaac identifies and attacks the lumber thief.

Ending: () Isaac gets thrown in jail.

6 EXT. DESOLATE AREA WITH ROAD – DAY

Lucien RICKEY instructs his gang on how they are going to approach and take the stage scheduled to pass through, shortly. Stage is better protected than Lucien thought and one of his guys gets killed. One stage DRIVER survives, begs for his life. Adelaide and Rickey’s men ague to let him go. Lucien murders him on his knees for working for the railroad, anyway. This greatly surprises Rickey’s men and troubles Adelaide.

Scene Arc: Robbery turns to cold-blooded murder.

Essence: Lucien is a skilled leader, but is a fanatic.

Conflict: Adelaide and the men don’t want him to murder Driver.

Subtext: Lucien is not the man he used to be.

Hope/fear: Will Lucien make this robbery into something evil?

Beginning: (Interesting setting) Robbing the stage.

Middle: (Surprise) Rickey commits cold blooded murder.

Ending: (Character change) Adelaide and the men begin to doubt him.

7 EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT

Jake’s lumber is on fire and the blaze builds.

Scene Arc: this scene works with the next two scenes.

8 INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Billy, having located Barnet, brings him to get Isaac out of jail. Edmund lets Isaac out of jail when alarm bells ring. Everyone is needed to help with a fire.

9 EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT

Barnet, Isaac, Billy and the Sheriff run to the construction site and help to put out the blaze. It is quite destructive. Barnet’s lumber is ruined. His customer is angry. His men, having no work and hence, no pay, walk off the job. Isaac accuses the other builder, but Edmund won’t act on it because there is no evidence, and the other builder and his men help put out the blaze.

Scene Arc: A mysterious fire basically destroys Barnet’s business.

Essence:

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/fear: Will they put the fire out in time? What will happen to Barnet’s business?

Beginning: (Superior position) There is a device near the wood that causes fire in a delayed reaction to the lumber.

Middle: (Interesting Setting) Firefighting, bucket brigade, etc.

Ending: (Major Twist) Barnet’s business is destroyed.

10 INT. JAKE BARNET’S HOTEL ROOM – DAY

Barnet, having decided to take a powder, hurriedly packs his bags. Isaac comes in and tries to convince Barnet to stay. Isaac tries to convince Barnet to pay the men for just a few more days – he knows of a source of lumber: an abandoned town. Barnet, short on money, is reluctant to sink his last few dollars into a failed business. Isaac tells him he used to live in the town and is aware of some hidden money there that he has wanted to retrieve. But the trail there is unsafe and he has feared to traverse it alone. He’ll split the money with Barnet and it will save the business.

Scene Arc: Barnet bailing out of his problem to Barnet willing to participate in a potential solution to it.

Essence:

Conflict: Can Isaac convince Barnet not to give up so easily?

Subtext: Isaac is somehow more deeply invested in Barnet’s business than he ought to be.

Hope/fear: Will Barnet Listen to Isaac, who seems to have a great idea?

Beginning: () Barnet decides to run. Barnet resists Isaac’s entreaties to stay for all the right reasons. Reveals a guaranteed source of quality lumber. Not enough.

Middle: (Uncertainty) Isaac reveals the existence of treasure in the abandoned town. Barnet hesitates.

Ending: () Isaac changes Barnet’s mind. Barnet bets his last money on this gamble.

11 EXT./INT. RAIL YARD OFFICE – NIGHT

Rickey and Adelaide break into a railroad office to steal a payment schedule. Adelaide wants to discuss why he murdered the driver. Rickey explains his plans to revive the town with her. She thinks he’s dreaming – the town will never come back without a water supply beyond a few muddy wells. (The river providing the town’s water had been diverted.) Rickey sees that Adelaide is right about the water diversion, but justifies his murdering the driver.

Scene Arc: Rickey setting up more robberies of the railroad, to changing his plan.

Essence: Rickey is doing his robberies for a higher purpose than just stealing money.

Conflict: Adelaide and Rickey disagree on the murder of the driver.

Subtext: Adelaide, still troubled by Rickey’s murder hopes to get him back on track with reviving the town.

Beginning: (Interesting setting) Rickey and Adelaide break into the rail office, where they argue while burglarizing.

Middle: () Rickey argues for the revival of the town – ended by the railroad – as an excuse for criminal behavior.

Ending: () Adelaide convinces him that river diversion, not the railroad, killed the town.

ACT 2:

12 EXT. ON THE TRAIL – DAY

Early Evening. Barnet’s men get drunk and start shooting at bottles. The intellectual Castle is reluctant to engage in this but is cajoled by the men. He can’t hit a single target. Barnet is bothered by the gunfire and asks them to stop. They tease him. They think he’s probably an even worse shot than Castle. Finally, Barnet leaps onto his horse, does riding tricks, and as he passes by the bottles, shoots his pistol and hits all of them. He jumps off his horse onto the main guy making fun of him, tackles the guy, and holds a knife to his throat. Barnet thus gains the respect (and fear) of his men by showing his hidden skills – and temper. Isaac has to pull him off. Barnet reveals his fear of combat left over from the war, where he was a cavalry officer.

Scene Arc: Barnet developing a relationship with his workers, who he had previously neglected.

Essence: Barnet earns the men’s respect and shows leadership, but also certain weakness.

Conflict: Will Barnet earn respect?

Subtext: Barnet has some deep-seated problems buried in his mind that affect his actions.

Hope/fear: We hope Barnet will know something that will impress his men. We fear that he might go too far and kill somebody over losing his temper.

Beginning: (Interesting setting) The men having fun in the wild.

Middle: (Reveal) Skills or lack of skills of each man are revealed. Barnet’s deep wound revealed.

Ending: (Reveal) Barnet’s deep wound explained.

13 EXT. THE WEIR – DAY

Evening. Rickey brings his gang to the weir that diverted water away from his town, intending to blow it up and correct the direction of water flow. His gang is unhappy that there’s no money in this. He pulls his gun on them and threatens. None of them is any good with explosives. Rickey laments that Whitaker is no longer there, him being an explosives genius. Nor do they really understand the weir’s construction and purpose. They fail to destroy it. Rickey vows to try again, but his men are unhappy about it. They ride for “town”.

Scene Arc: Rickey insists on destroying the weir. The attempt fails.

Essence: It is clear that Rickey and his men have different ideas about the goals of the gang.

Conflict: Reviving the town Rickey’s excuse for crime. His men disagree. They are in it for the money. Adelaide struggles with her feelings for Rickey – she wants to support his purpose, but sees that now it has become an excuse.

Subtext: Blowing the up the weir is Rickey’s last hope of reviving the town. When that fails, he becomes an ordinary hardened criminal.

Hope/fear:

Beginning: (Superior Position) Rickey’s gang is angry that they have been brought to a weir rather than to intercept a rich stage coach.

Middle: (Suspense) Rickey explains the bigger picture, but none of the men are buying it. They try to blow the dam.

Ending: (Suspense) The weir remains intact. Rickey’s men are at the point of mutiny.

14 EXT/INT. ABANDONED TOWN SALOON – DAY

Near sunset. Barnet and his men arrive in town to find a fully stocked saloon. This raises Barnet’s suspicions. The men start drinking. Isaac has disappeared. Barnet thinks Isaac is going to grab the hidden money and run. Barnet goes in search of Isaac.

Scene Arc: Arrive in an abandoned town to find evidence of habitation. Barnet realizing that Isaac knows more than he told Barnet and suspects Isaac of cheating him.

Essence: Mystery of this town is introduced.

Conflict: Barnet believes Isaac will cheat him.

Subtext: More is going on in this town than previously suspected.

Hope/fear: Will Barnet find Isaac?

Beginning: (Mystery-Who) Unexpected circumstances in the abandoned town.

Middle: (Intrigue) Barnet is distracted by suspicion of Isaac of cheating him.

Ending: (Interesting setting) Barnet leaves the saloon out the back alley where he learns back entrances to all the former businesses, and other obstacles and unexpected turns.

15 EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – NIGHT

Nightfall. Barnet roams through town seeking Isaac. Talks to himself. Puts together that it could have been Isaac who burned the lumber, except that he was in jail during the fire. Finds Isaac in the church.

Scene Arc: this scene works with the next scene.

Beginning: (Interesting setting) Barnet roams the town.

16 INT. CHURCH – NIGHT

Barnet, sees a light, climbs up the steeple where he finds Isaac. Isaac is drunk and drinking. Barnet is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Isaac about the fire. Isaac reveals that he was once mayor of this town. He shows Barnet the bulk of the gang’s loot, hidden (in the steeple) under tarps. Only Isaac and Rickey know this location, not even Rickey’s men. But Isaac isn’t interested in this fortune. Barnet is puzzled as to how Isaac would know where this stash is and can’t understand why he wouldn’t want it, as he claimed he did after the fire. Barnet becomes suspicious.

Scene Arc: Barnet finds Isaac with the treasure and gets some answers.

Essence: Isaac wants Barnet to know where the money is hidden and to understand part of why he is here.

Conflict:

Subtext: Isaac has a mysterious reason for being here.

Hope/fear:

Middle: (Intrigue) Barnet finds Isaac with the hidden treasure. Barnet is surprised and puzzled to find that Isaac doesn’t care about the money.

Ending: (Suspense) Isaac’s attitude raises more questions than answers.

ACT 3:

17 INT. CHURCH – DAY

Barnet and Isaac, having drunk too much and fallen asleep, wake up in the morning. They spot Rickey’s gang in the distance. Rickey is returning to town earlier than Isaac expected. Isaac reveals that he had once been part of Rickey’s gang, but they’d had a falling out. Jake sends Isaac to round up the men to hide in the hotel across the street from the saloon. Jake stays behind briefly. Opens one of the chests and stuffs cash into his pockets. Closes it and re-covers it with tarps. He runs to his horse. He changes his mind. If he leaves his men, they will die.

Scene Arc: Isaac and Barnet discover the outlaws coming to town and try to warn the men. Isaac grabs a considerable sum of cash.

Essence:

Conflict: Leave with a wad of cash, or stay and save the men.

Subtext: Barnet still struggles with PTSD.

Hope/fear: Will Barnet leave or will he do the right thing?

Beginning: (Twist) Isaac was once part of Rickey’s gang.

Middle: (Mislead) Barnet takes a wad of cash. Barnet runs to his horse. Cash into saddlebags. He mounts to ride away.

Ending: (Reveal) Barnet dismounts, then hurries to join the men.

18 EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

Rickey and his men ride into town and dismount outside of the Saloon. Rickey tells his men that he’s going to store the loot with the rest for safe keeping. They argue that it’s time to start distributing the loot. Some of them want to go their separate ways. Rickey refuses, indicating that the money was to rehabilitate the town, not to enrich them. The men don’t see it that way and threaten to mutiny. Adelaide turns on Rickey and sides with the men. Rickey slaps her and tells her to stay out of it.

Scene Arc: Rickey and his men return to their hideout. Rickey and the men dispute over dividing the spoils.

Essence: Rickey and his men no longer agree on the purpose of the robberies.

Conflict: Rickey and the men fight over the loot and Rickey fights with Adelaide who he believes is betraying him.

Subtext: Adelaide no longer loves Rickey.

Hope/fear:

Beginning: (Suspense) Rickey and his men disagree over the disposition/use of their loot.

Middle: (Betrayal) The gang threatens Rickey with mutiny.

Ending: (Betrayal) Adelaide sides with the gang and Rickey beats her.

19 INT. HOTEL – DAY

Barnet and his men hide. He wants to stay out of trouble. His men recognize Lucien from the wanted posters and want to go after him for the reward money, as Isaac had predicted. Barnet urges patience. Isaac eggs them on. The men pull guns and become restless. Isaac sees Rickey smack Adelaide and becomes agitated.

Scene Arc: The men go from staying out of trouble to looking for trouble.

Essence: Isaac’s reasons for coming to town are being revealed. He has feelings for Adelaide.

Conflict: Barnet wants to stay out of trouble. The men don’t and Isaac in particular is likely to disobey Barnet.

Subtext: Barnet’s PTSD, Isaac’s ulterior motive.

Hope/fear: Will they get into a fight they can’t win?

Beginning: (Superior position) Hiding from bad guys. They don’t know about unrest in the gang.

Middle: (Uncertainty) Wanting to confront bad guys – for the wrong reasons (reward money).

Ending: (Reveal) Barnet learns Isaac’s real reason for coming here – his feelings for Adelaide.

20 INT. SALOON – DAY

Rickey’s men go into the Saloon to avoid the fight he’s having with Adelaide. They see the mess that Barnet’s men left. They come out to tell Rickey.

Scene Arc: This scene works with the next scene.

21 EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

Rickey and Adelaide scream at each other. Rickey pulls a knife.

Scene Arc: An argument escalates to potential violence.

Essence: Adelaide means less to Rickey than she thought she did.

Conflict: Adelaide and Rickey’s disagreement escalates drastically.

Subtext: Their relationship is in jeopardy.

Hope/fear: Will Rickey control his temper? We fear he will stab Adelaide.

Beginning: (Twist) Somebody’s been eating my porridge.

Middle: (Betrayal) Adelaide vs. Rickey escalates to potential violence.

Ending: (Reveal) Adelaide means less to Rickey than she thought she did.

22 INT. HOTEL – DAY

No longer able to control his temper, Isaac runs out to the thoroughfare against Barnet’s wishes.

Scene Arc: Works with the next scene.

Conflict: Barnet wants to keep hidden and Isaac is blowing it.

23 EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

Isaac confronts Rickey in the thoroughfare. Rickey reveals that Isaac Castle is really the outlaw Holland Whitaker. Isaac shoots at Rickey but misses and hits Adelaide, wounding her badly.

Rickey shoots Whitaker and tries to help Adelaide. But Adelaide crawls to Isaac, rejecting Rickey, a selfish, power-hungry crook. Adelaide tells Isaac she never should have left him, then dies.

Scene Arc: Isaac goes from hiding to confrontation with Rickey.

Essence: Isaac loves Adelaide and is his reason for being here.

Conflict: Isaac begins his fight with Rickey.

Subtext: Everything Isaac has done up to this point has led to this confrontation.

Hope/fear: Isaac can win back Adelaide. Will she die? Will Rickey kill him?

Beginning: (Character changes/Intrigue) Barnet loses control of Isaac who’s now on his own. We learn his true identity and that he fooled everyone into supporting him in a desperate situation.

Middle: (Twist) Isaac wants to win back Adelaide but accidentally shoots her.

Ending: (Uncertainty) Adelaide comes back to Isaac. Can they be happy? No, she dies.

24 INT. HOTEL – DAY

Despite Barnet warning his men to stay quiet, they see Isaac get shot and start shooting. Rickey’s men, surprised, retreat into the Saloon. Barnet struggles with whether to run or overcome his fear of battle and organize his men. They start running out into the thoroughfare and getting shot. Barnet fears for his men come true. He finally jumps in, overcoming his trauma.

Scene Arc: Barnet the coward becomes Barnet the leader.

Essence: Barnet’s moment of epiphany.

Conflict: The gunfight.

Subtext: Barnet is now committed to his men and ultimately, his business.

Hope/fear: Will Barnet overcome his fear and become a hero?

Beginning: () Barnet loses control of his men, who start a gunfight.

Middle: (Suspense) Barnet confronts his inner demons.

Ending: (Reveal) Seeing his men getting killed spurs Barnet to action.

ACT 4:

25 INT. HOTEL – DAY

Barnet quickly devises a plan and reorganizes his men.

Scene Arc: This scene works with the next.

26 EXT. ALLEYWAY BEHIND THE SALOON – DAY

Barnet takes two men and sneaks around the back of the saloon, flanking Rickey and his men. The rest of Barnet’s men distract Rickey’s men by shooting from the hotel. Rickey tries to rally his men, but they ignore him and run into the town thoroughfare to escape. Rickey kills the men with Barnet.

Scene Arc: Barnet takes charge then changes the tide of the battle.

Essence: Barnet shows his skills as a leader.

Conflict: Barnet and his men undertake a dangerous mission which could go wrong.

Subtext: Rickey has lost the confidence of his men.

Hope/fear: Can Barnet’s men defeat the outlaws.

Beginning: () Barnet takes charge and enacts a plan.

Middle: (Suspense) Barnet and two men undertake a dangerous mission.

Ending: () Surprise attack in the Saloon results in Barnet’s men getting killed and Rickey’s men going into chaos.

27 EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

Rickey’s men get mowed down by Barnet’s men from the hotel.

Scene Arc: This scene supports the previous scene.

28 EXT. ALLEYWAY BEHIND THE SALOON – DAY

Rickey escapes into the alleyway. Barnet chases Rickey. They fight. Barnet barely wins, using all his skills. Barnet captures Rickey.

Scene Arc: Rickey escapes, Barnet catches him.

Essence: Climax. The ultimate showdown of the two leaders.

Conflict: Barnet versus Rickey in one-on-one fight.

Subtext: Good versus evil.

Hope/fear: It looks like Rickey has the advantage. Will he kill Barnet?

Beginning: (Suspense) Rickey escapes.

Middle: (Suspense) Barnet chases and fights Rickey who nearly kills him.

Ending: (Intrigue) Barnet captures Rickey.

29 EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

What’s left of Rickey’s men have surrendered and are on their knees. When they see Rickey, they call for his death for cheating them and leading them to ruin. Barnet’s men want to split the reward. Rickey is wanted dead or alive. Despite Barnet’s arguments, the men bring Rickey to the town gallows – a permanent structure in this town, and hang him. Barnet doesn’t let them murder the men on their knees.

Barnet and his men feel like Isaac has tricked them. Isaac cries over Adelaide. Barnet realizes that Isaac had been preparing them for this fight all along, even himself. The payoff for the men will be the reward money for Rickey, which Barnet will give to the men as a bonus, and the lumber for Barnet realizes that his business is his redemption. Building instead of killing.

No one knows where the treasure is and Isaac and Barnet aren’t revealing that they do. They make a deal with the men that whoever stays on as builders will come to this town to continue dismantling it. Including Rickey’s men. Someday the treasure will be uncovered and those who stay on will split it.

Scene Arc:

Essence:

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/fear:

Beginning: () Decision on what to do with Rickey.

Middle: (Uncertainty) Decision what to do with Isaac.

Ending: ()

30 EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY

Barnet and his men arrive back to the site with a massive load of new lumber. They get back to work. Barnet and Billy take two dead bodies to the Sheriff’s office.

Scene Arc: Works with the next scene.

31 INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY

They turn over Rickey and another man they claim is Holland Whitaker. Sheriff gives them the reward money. Barnet instructs Isaac to divvy it up among the men. The real Whitaker is now Isaac Castle, builder.

Scene Arc: Barnet arrives back in town with renewed purpose. He makes sure that Isaac gets a second chance.

Essence: Things will work out for Barnet and his crew as well as Isaac.

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/fear: Will the Sheriff believe the dead guy is Holland Whitaker?

Beginning:

Middle:

Ending: () Isaac gets a second chance.

32 INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT – DAY

The town hero now, Barnet squares everything with his customer. He runs into Charlotte on the way out. Charlotte now sees him as serious. But he knows that she will never leave Alf’s employ. He realizes that what attracted him to her was her unavailability – he would never have had to take responsibility for a relationship.

Barnet meets the new school teacher, an attractive lady, who is trying to get funding for a new schoolhouse. Barnet asks her to join him for dinner – he knows someone who could build her school. She says yes.

Scene Arc: Barnet goes from the woman who’s not right for him to the one who is.

Essence: Barnet realizes his insecurities and unrealistic expectations.

Conflict: Barnet still thinks he wants Charlotte.

Subtext: Barnet’s realistic behavior shows that he is healing.

Hope/fear: We hope that Barnet has finally found the right woman.

Beginning: Realizes Charlotte is not right for him.

Middle: Meets school teacher, they have a moment.

Ending: () Barnet finds potential true love and can put his business to good work in the community.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Scene Requirements

My vision: I get a script made into a movie.

This lesson teaches the value of studying each scene in the outline ensure it is not wasted time onscreen that will bore an audience. With this method, I found some scenes that needed to be punched up to make them interesting and I knew how to approach the problem.

ACT 1:

INT. JAKE BARNET’S HOTEL ROOM – DAY

Barnet wakes up in the morning with CHARLOTTE and they speak like a married couple. She announces she has to go to work. She collects money from Barnet, revealing she’s a prostitute.

Scene Arc: Barnet and Charlotte, a happy married couple become a customer and prostitute.

Essence: Establish Barnet as someone fooling himself.

Conflict: Barnet thinks he’s in love but Charlotte doesn’t take him seriously.

Subtext: Barnet sets an unrealistic goal that will ultimately fail and deep down he knows it.

Hope/fear: We hope that poor Barnet will find love. His hopes are dashed.

INT. SALOON – DAY

Barnet approaches ALF, the proprietor and pimp, and asks to buy out his interest in Charlotte. When Barnet gets too insistent, Alf pulls a shotgun on him. Barnet backs down.

Scene Arc: Barnet goes to plan B concerning Charlotte.

Essence: Still fooling himself, he thinks getting Charlotte out from Alf’s control will make her his.

Conflict: Barnet and Alf butt heads over Charlotte.

Subtext: Barnet can’t really take responsibility for his feelings toward Charlotte.

Hope/fear: We hope that Barnet will come to his senses.

INT. HOTEL RESAURANT – DAY

Near evening. Jake meets with prospective CLIENTS for his building business. They finish dinner which Barnet magnanimously pays for. They won’t consider his proposal until they see what he’s done. They set out for the construction site.

Scene Arc: Works with the next scene.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY

Near evening. ISAAC Castle’s carpenters are not very good and he tries to instruct them. He tells the men to knock off a little early and to practice with their guns while there’s still light. Complains that some of his lumber has been stolen and takes the youngster BILLY with him to find Sheriff Edmund. Barnet’s prospective clients are unimpressed.

Scene Arc: The men are poor carpenters. Isaac wants them to be good gunmen.

Essence: Establish that Isaac hired unqualified carpenters but good gunmen.

Conflict: Barnet wants his foreman and his men to make a good impression. They don’t.

Subtext: Barnet does not have control of his business. He’s more hung up on getting paid than doing a good job and the goings on at his construction site confirm it.

Hope/fear: We hope Barnet can get business.

EXT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE/JAIL – DAY

Isaac and Billy reach the sheriff’s office having seen the thoroughfare pasted with copies of wanted posters for Lucien RICKEY and Holland Whitaker. Sheriff EDMUND and a DEPUTY stand outside handing out posters to numerous young men crowding around. Isaac argues that hanging so many posters is stupid. The poster of Lucien Rickey especially infuriates him. Edmund ignores him. Isaac makes a speech to the young men about the dangers of hunting this outlaw. Isaac sees a rival builder in the crowd, accuses him of stealing lumber and attacks him. Edmund throws Isaac in jail. Billy runs to find Barnet.

Scene Arc: Isaac goes to complain about theft and ends up in jail himself.

Essence: Isaac gets himself thrown in jail.

Conflict: Isaac and Edmund disagree on the posters. Isaac loses his temper and attacks someone.

Subtext: Isaac wants to be thrown in jail. And he wants Rickey for himself.

Hope/fear:

EXT. DESOLATE AREA WITH ROAD – DAY

Lucien RICKEY instructs his gang on how they are going to approach and take the stage scheduled to pass through, shortly. Lucien’s plan works perfectly. One of the stage DRIVERs survives and begs for his life. Adelaide and his men ague to leave him alone. Lucien murders him on his knees for working for the railroad, anyway. This greatly troubles all Rickey’s men and Adelaide in particular.

Scene Arc: Robbery turns to cold-blooded murder.

Essence: Lucien is a skilled leader, but is a fanatic.

Conflict: Adelaide and the men don’t want him to murder Driver.

Subtext: Lucien is not the man he used to be.

Hope/fear: Will Lucien make this robbery into something evil?

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT

Jake’s lumber is on fire and the blaze builds.

Scene Arc: this scene works with the next two scenes.

INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Billy, having located Barnet, brings him to get Isaac out of jail. Edmund lets Isaac out of jail when alarm bells ring. Everyone is needed to help with a fire.

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT

Barnet, Isaac, Billy and the Sheriff run to the construction site and help to put out the blaze. It is quite destructive. Barnet’s lumber is ruined. His customer is angry. His men, having no work and hence, no pay, walk off the job. Isaac accuses the other builder, but Edmund won’t act on it because there is no evidence, and the other builder and his men help put out the blaze.

Scene Arc: A mysterious fire basically destroys Barnet’s business.

Essence:

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/fear: Will they put the fire out in time? What will happen to Barnet’s business?

INT. JAKE BARNET’S HOTEL ROOM – DAY

Barnet, having decided to take a powder, hurriedly packs his bags. Isaac comes in and tries to convince Barnet to stay. Isaac tries to convince Barnet to pay the men for just a few more days – he knows of a source of lumber: an abandoned town. Barnet, short on money, is reluctant to sink his last few dollars into a failed business. Isaac tells him he used to live in the town and is aware of some hidden money there that he has wanted to retrieve. But the trail there is unsafe and he has feared to traverse it alone. He’ll split the money with Barnet and it will save the business.

Scene Arc: Barnet bailing out of his problem to Barnet willing to participate in a potential solution to it.

Essence:

Conflict: Can Isaac convince Barnet not to give up so easily?

Subtext: Isaac is somehow more deeply invested in Barnet’s business than he ought to be.

Hope/fear: Will Barnet Listen to Isaac, who seems to have a great idea?

EXT./INT. RAILYARD OFFICE – NIGHT

Rickey and Adelaide break into a railroad office to steal a payment schedule. Adelaide wants to discuss why he murdered the driver. Rickey explains his plans to revive the town with her. She thinks he’s dreaming – the town will never come back without a water supply beyond a few muddy wells. (The river providing the town’s water had been diverted.) Rickey sees that Adelaide is right about the water diversion, but justifies his murdering the driver.

Scene Arc: Rickey setting up more robberies of the railroad, to changing his plan.

Essence: Rickey is doing his robberies for a higher purpose than just stealing money.

Conflict: Adelaide and Rickey disagree on the murder of the driver.

Subtext: Adelaide, still troubled by Rickey’s murder hopes to get him back on track with reviving the town.

ACT 2:

EXT. ON THE TRAIL – DAY

Early Evening. Barnet’s men get drunk and start shooting at bottles. The intellectual Castle is reluctant to engage in this but is cajoled by the men. He can’t hit a single target. Barnet is bothered by the gunfire and asks them to stop. They tease him. They think he’s probably an even worse shot than Castle. Finally, Barnet leaps onto his horse, does riding tricks, and as he passes by the bottles, shoots his pistol and hits all of them. He jumps off his horse onto the main guy making fun of him, tackles the guy, and holds a knife to his throat. Barnet thus gains the respect (and fear) of his men by showing his hidden skills – and temper. Isaac has to pull him off. Barnet reveals his fear of combat left over from the war, where he was a cavalry officer.

Scene Arc: Barnet developing a relationship with his workers, who he had previously neglected.

Essence: Barnet earns the men’s respect and shows leadership, but also certain weakness.

Conflict: Will Barnet earn respect?

Subtext: Barnet has some deep-seated problems buried in his mind that affect his actions.

Hope/fear: We hope Barnet will know something that will impress his men. We fear that he might go too far and kill somebody over losing his temper.

EXT. THE WEIR – DAY

Evening. Rickey brings his gang to the weir that diverted water away from his town, intending to blow it up and correct the direction of water flow. His gang is unhappy that there’s no money in this. He pulls his gun on them and threatens. None of them is any good with explosives, nor do they really understand the weir’s construction and purpose. They fail to destroy the weir. Rickey vows to try again, but his men are unhappy about it. They ride for “town”.

Scene Arc: Rickey insists on destroying the weir. The attempt fails.

Essence: It is clear that Rickey and his men have different ideas about the goals of the gang.

Conflict: Reviving the town Rickey’s excuse for crime. His men disagree. They are in it for the money. Adelaide struggles with her feelings for Rickey – she wants to support his purpose, but sees that now it has become an excuse.

Subtext: Blowing the up the weir is Rickey’s last hope of reviving the town. When that fails, he becomes an ordinary hardened criminal.

Hope/fear:

EXT/INT. ABANDONED TOWN SALOON – DAY

Near sunset. Barnet and his men arrive in town to find a fully stocked saloon. This raises Barnet’s suspicions. The men start drinking. Isaac has disappeared. Barnet thinks Isaac is going to grab the hidden money and run. Barnet goes in search of Isaac.

Scene Arc: Arrive in an abandoned town to find evidence of habitation. Barnet realizing that Isaac knows more than he told Barnet and suspects Isaac of cheating him.

Essence: Mystery of this town is introduced.

Conflict: Barnet believes Isaac will cheat him.

Subtext: More is going on in this town than previously suspected.

Hope/fear: Will Barnet find Isaac?

EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – NIGHT

Nightfall. Barnet roams through town looking for Isaac. Talks to himself. Puts together that it might have been Isaac who burned the lumber, despite being in jail during the fire. Finds Isaac in the church.

Scene Arc: this scene works with the next scene.

INT. CHURCH – NIGHT

Jake, seeing a light, climbs up the steeple where he finds Isaac. Isaac has a bottle and is drinking. Barnet is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Isaac about the fire. Isaac reveals that he was once mayor of this town. They talk about why Isaac didn’t run for mayor of their town. He shows Barnet the bulk of the gang’s loot, hidden in the steeple under tarps. Only Isaac and Rickey know this location, not even Rickey’s men. This amount of money is life changing, but Isaac clearly isn’t interested in taking it. Barnet is puzzled as to how Castle would know where this stash is and can’t understand why he wouldn’t want to steal it. He becomes suspicious.

Scene Arc: Barnet finds Isaac with the treasure and gets some answers.

Essence: Isaac wants Barnet to know where the money is hidden and to understand part of why he is here.

Conflict:

Subtext: Isaac has a mysterious reason for being here.

Hope/fear:

ACT 3:

INT. CHURCH – DAY

Jake and Isaac, having drunk too much and fallen asleep, wake up in the morning. They spot Rickey’s gang in the distance. Rickey is returning to town earlier than Isaac expected. Isaac reveals that he had once been part of Rickey’s gang, but they’d had a falling out. Jake sends Isaac to round up the men to hide in the hotel across the street from the saloon. Jake stays behind briefly. Opens one of the chests and stuffs cash into his pockets. Closes it and re-covers it with tarps.

Scene Arc: Isaac and Barnet discover the outlaws coming to town and try to warn the men. Isaac grabs a considerable sum of cash.

Essence:

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/fear:

EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

Rickey and his men ride into town and dismount outside of the Saloon. Rickey tells his men that he’s going to store the loot with the rest for safe keeping. They argue that it’s time to start distributing the loot. Some of them want to go their separate ways. Rickey refuses, indicating that the money was to rehabilitate the town, not to enrich them. The men don’t see it that way and threaten to mutiny. Adelaide turns on Rickey and sides with the men. Rickey slaps her and tells her to stay out of it.

Scene Arc: Rickey and his men return to their hideout. Rickey and the men dispute over dividing the spoils.

Essence: Rickey and his men no longer agree on the purpose of the robberies.

Conflict: Rickey and the men fight over the loot and Rickey fights with Adelaide who he believes is betraying him.

Subtext: Adelaide no longer loves Rickey.

Hope/fear:

INT. HOTEL – DAY

Barnet and his men hide. He wants to stay out of trouble. His men recognize Lucien from the wanted posters and want to go after him for the reward money, as Isaac had predicted. Barnet urges patience. The men pull guns and become restless. Isaac sees Rickey smack Adelaide and becomes agitated.

Scene Arc: The men go from staying out of trouble to looking for trouble.

Essence: Isaac’s reasons for coming to town are being revealed. He has feelings for Adelaide.

Conflict: Barnet wants to stay out of trouble. The men don’t and Isaac in particular is likely to disobey Barnet.

Subtext:

Hope/fear: will they get into a fight they can’t win?

INT. SALOON – DAY

Some of Rickey’s men go into the Saloon and see the mess that Barnet’s men left. They come out to tell Rickey.

Scene Arc: This scene works with the next scene.

EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

Rickey and Adelaide scream at each other. Rickey pulls a knife.

Scene Arc: An argument escalates to potential violence.

Essence: Adelaide means less to Rickey than she thought she did.

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/fear:

INT. HOTEL – DAY

No longer able to control his temper, Isaac runs out to the thoroughfare.

Scene Arc: Works with the next scene.

Conflict: Barnet wants to keep hidden and Isaac is blowing it.

EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

Isaac confronts Rickey in the thoroughfare. Rickey reveals that Isaac Castle is really the outlaw Holland Whitaker. Isaac shoots at Rickey but misses and hits Adelaide, wounding her badly.

Rickey shoots Whitaker and tries to help Adelaide. But Adelaide crawls to Isaac, rejecting Rickey and seeing him as a selfish, power-hungry crook. Adelaide dies after telling Isaac she never should have left him.

Scene Arc: Isaac goes from hiding to confrontation with Rickey.

Essence: Isaac loves Adelaide and is his reason for being here.

Conflict: Isaac begins his fight with Rickey.

Subtext: Everything Isaac has done up to this point has led to this confrontation.

Hope/fear: Isaac can win back Adelaide. Will she die? Will Rickey kill him?

INT. HOTEL – DAY

Despite Barnet warning his men to stay quiet, they see Isaac get shot and start shooting Rickey’s men who, surprised, retreat into the Saloon. Barnet must decide whether to run and hide, or overcome his fear of battle and get control of his men. Their disorganization works against them. They start running out into the thoroughfare and getting killed. Barnet can’t tolerate this and finally jumps in, overcoming his trauma.

Scene Arc: Barnet the coward become Barnet the leader.

Essence: Barnet’s moment of epiphany.

Conflict: The gunfight.

Subtext: Barnet is now committed to his men and ultimately, his business.

Hope/fear: Will Barnet overcome his fear and become a hero?

ACT 4:

INT. HOTEL – DAY

Barnet quickly devises a plan and reorganizes his men.

Scene Arc: This scene works with the next.

EXT. ALLEYWAY BEHIND THE SALOON – DAY

Barnet takes two men and sneaks around the back of the saloon, flanking Rickey and his men. The rest of Barnet’s men distract Rickey’s men by shooting from the hotel. Rickey tries to rally his men, but they ignore him and run into the town thoroughfare to escape.

Scene Arc: Barnet takes charge then changes the tide of the battle.

Essence: Barnet shows his skills as a leader.

Conflict: Barnet and his men undertake a dangerous mission which could go wrong.

Subtext: Rickey has lost the confidence of his men.

Hope/fear: Can Barnet’s men defeat the outlaws.

EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

Rickey’s men get mowed down by Barnet’s men from the hotel.

Scene Arc: This scene supports the next scene.

EXT. ALLEYWAY BEHIND THE SALOON – DAY

Rickey escapes into the alleyway. Barnet chases Rickey and they have a fight which Barnet barely wins, using all his skills. Barnet captures Rickey.

Scene Arc: Rickey escapes, Barnet catches him.

Essence: Climax. The ultimate showdown of the two leaders.

Conflict: Barnet versus Rickey in one-on-one fight.

Subtext: Good versus evil.

Hope/fear: It looks like Rickey has the advantage. Will he kill Barnet?

EXT. TOWN THOROUGHFARE – DAY

What’s left of Rickey’s men have surrendered and are on their knees. When they see Rickey, they call for his death for cheating them and leading them to ruin. Barnet’s men want to split the reward and Rickey is wanted dead or alive. Despite Barnet’s arguments, the men bring Rickey to the town gallows – a permanent structure in this town, and hang him. Barnet doesn’t let them murder the men on their knees.

Barnet and his men feel like Isaac has tricked them. Barnet realizes that Isaac had been preparing them for this fight all along, even himself. The payoff for the men will be the reward money for Rickey, which Barnet will give to the men as a bonus, and the lumber for Barnet who now, more than ever, realizes that business is redemption for him. Building instead of killing.

No one knows where the treasure is and Isaac and Barnet aren’t revealing that they do. They make a deal with the men that whoever stays on as builders will come to this town to continue dismantling it. Including Rickey’s men. Someday the treasure will be uncovered and those who stay on will split it.

Scene Arc:

Essence:

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/fear:

EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY

Barnet and his men arrive back to the site with a massive load of new lumber. They get back to work. Barnet and Isaac take two dead bodies to the Sheriff’s office.

Scene Arc: Works with the next scene.

INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – DAY

They turn over Rickey and another man they claim is Holland Whitaker. Sheriff gives them the reward money. Barnet instructs Isaac to divvy it up among the men. Isaac yells at Edmund to take down the posters. The real Whitaker is now Isaac Castle, builder.

Scene Arc: Barnet arrives back in town with renewed purpose. He makes sure that Isaac has a second chance.

Essence: Things will work out for Barnet and his crew as well as Isaac.

Conflict:

Subtext:

Hope/fear:

INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT – DAY

Barnet squares everything with his customer. He runs into Charlotte on the way out. Charlotte now sees him as serious. But he knows that she will never leave Alf’s employ. He realizes that what attracted him to her was her unavailability – he would never have had to take responsibility for a relationship.

Barnet meets the new school teacher, an attractive lady, who is trying to get funding for a new schoolhouse. Barnet asks her to dinner. She says yes. He hands her a wad of cash for the schoolhouse.

Scene Arc: Barnet goes from the woman who’s not right for him to the one who is.

Essence: Barnet realizes his insecurities and unrealistic expectations.

Conflict: Barnet still thinks he wants Charlotte.

Subtext: Barnet’s realistic behavior shows that he is healing.

Hope/fear: We hope that Barnet has finally found the right woman.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Intriguing Moments

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This assignment taught me to pay particular attention to intriguing moments and to elevate them where possible. Intrigue is something I’ve always included in my work, but I’ve never really looked at it as something to pay particular attention to and to specifically work on.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

ACT 1:

Hidden Identity: Charlotte is not Jake Barnet’s wife, but a prostitute.

Scheme: Jake thinks he can change Charlotte’s mind by obtaining her contract to work as a prostitute. (It doesn’t work.)

Intrigue: Building Foreman Isaac Castle is only hiring experienced gunmen – who are poor carpenters – to work as builders.

Mystery: Someone burns all his lumber, stopping work on his project. Although he blames rivals, there’s no evidence that any of them did it.

Hidden Identity: Holland Whitaker, former criminal and former town mayor, poses as Isaac Castle, master builder and foreman.

Hidden Identity/Conspiracy: Lucien Rickey, road agent and robber, is actually on a crusade to hurt the rail company. He believes his men are part of his plan.

ACT 2:

Hidden Identity: Jake demonstrates in dramatic fashion that he was once a cavalry officer in the army.

Hidden identity: Most of Jake’s men were also in the army and have at least some criminal backgrounds. And little experience with carpentry.

Mystery/Cover up: Why did Isaac choose these men over experienced carpenters?

Mystery: Why is the saloon in an abandoned town fully stocked and in good condition?

Secret/Mystery: Barnet figures out that it was probably Isaac that burned the lumber. But why?

Hidden Identity: Isaac was once mayor of this abandoned town. Then he became the partner of the outlaw Lucien Rickey.

ACT3:

Secret: Lucien has hidden the bulk of the gang’s loot in a secret place they don’t know about. Only Isaac knows where.

Hidden Identity: Lucien was once the Sheriff of this town and wants to be again.

Hidden Identity: Isaac was once the mayor of this town, Holland Whitaker.

ACT 4:

Conspiracy: Lucien’s surviving men call for his death after the gunfight.

Hidden Identity: Holland Whitaker will now forever be Isaac Castle.

Conspiracy: All the men are sworn to secrecy about Castle’s identity.

Superior Position: Jake secretly took the money stash and uses it to pay his debts and to finance charitable works, like a new schoolhouse or the like.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Emotional Moments

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This assignment taught me to pay particular attention to emotional moments and to elevate them where possible. Emotional moments are something I’ve always included in my work, but I’ve never really looked at it as something to pay particular attention to and to specifically work on.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

ACT 1:

Love – Protagonist Jake shows love to Charlotte and she to him, at first.

Distress, possibly Betrayal – It is revealed that Charlotte is a prostitute pretending to love Jake as long as he pays. Jake actually thinks he loves Charlotte.

Distress – A fire of unknown cause destroys Jake’s lumber. He has no chance of getting more for at least a month. His customer is livid.

Hidden Weakness – Triangle character Isaac overreacts to the Sheriff hanging wanted posters all over town to the point where he hits the Sheriff and lands in jail.

Moral Issue – Jake can’t figure out how to continue construction and decides to just skip town, cheating his customer. (Isaac must dissuade him.)

Wound – Antagonist Lucien, whose goal is to revive an abandoned town, is disabused of this notion by his girlfriend, Adelaide, who gives him realistic arguments on its impossibility.

Moral Issue – Lucien, formerly a law-and-order Sheriff, acts as a criminal, but justifies what he’s is doing as part of a greater good. When Adelaide convinces him that reviving the town is impossible, he realizes that he’s nothing but a common criminal.

ACT 2:

Hidden Weakness – On the trip to the abandoned town, Isaac is forced to reveal that he’s a terrible shot. He loses respect from his carpenters, who are all gunmen.

Hidden Weakness – Jake, on the other hand, reveals that not only is he a crack shot, but that he’s a master horseman. But in so doing, loses his temper, attacks one of his crew and has to be pulled off. His PTSD is now revealed.

Bonding – Jake and most of the men bond over shared stories of the horrors of war.

Betrayal, possibly Moral Dilemma – Lucien brings his gang to destroy a weir and they refuse because there’s no money in it. Lucien realizes that his men are criminals who have lost the hope that he has of reviving his town. He forces them to do this at gunpoint, losing their respect.

Bonding – Jake finds Isaac, who has gone missing, and they talk about how Isaac was once the Mayor of the abandoned town and why he never tried to become Mayor of the current town. Isaac breaks down and reveals his criminal past.

Betrayal – Jake puts together that it was Isaac who burned his lumber and has orchestrated the trip to the abandoned town from the start, for his own reasons.

Moral Dilemma – Isaac shows Jake Lucien’s secret money stash. Jake must decide whether to grab it and run, or to leave it a secret and help Isaac.

ACT3:

Betrayal – Lucien’s gang rolls into town and they demand to get their share of the gang’s accumulated loot. Lucien refuses them, indicating that the money was to rehabilitate the town, not to enrich them. The men don’t see it that way and threaten to mutiny.

ACT 4:

Sacrifice – Isaac confronts Lucien to save Adelaide, knowing that he won’t survive it.

Wound – When the gunfight erupts between Jake’s men and Lucien’s men, Jake’s PTSD kicks in and he freezes up, when he needs to show leadership.

Courage – Jake’s men start to get shot because of their disorganization. Jake overcomes his trauma and takes control.

Betrayal – Jake’s men feel as though Isaac has deceived them.

Success – Jake revives his
business with a group of dedicated carpenters and a loyal foreman.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Reveals

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This assignment taught that there are many ways to do reveals and many places to put them. And the more the better. They engage the audience and enrich the story.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

ACT 1: A burgeoning western town, rapidly growing. Jake Barnet has a business as a building contractor. He spends money as quickly as he gets it and is in debt. Nevertheless, he tries very hard to be successful at his business.

Barnet wakes up in the morning with Charlotte and they speak like a married couple. Then she has to go to work and collects money from Barnet, revealing she’s a prostitute. Barnet thinks he’s in love with her. He’s been paying to “play house” with her. She tells him she might consider leaving prostitution for a man of real means, but with his happy-go-lucky attitude, she doesn’t think he’s a safe bet.

Barnet then tries to buy her contract from the saloon/brothel owner, Alf. When Alf rejects his offer, Jake insists. Alf pulls out a gun. Jake backs down.

Tries to find new business for his builders. Brings some prospective clients to see his latest building under construction.

Whitaker under his new identity, Isaac Castle, came to town and his skills as a carpenter got him the job of Barnet’s foreman. Castle hires all experienced gunmen to work for him as carpenters. Sheriff Edmund hangs wanted posters all over town. Castle argues that hanging so many posters is stupid. The poster of Lucien Rickey especially infuriates him. Edmund ignores him. Castle takes a swing at him landing himself in jail overnight.

Rickey has put together a gang to rob railroad payroll shipments. Rickey is smart about how he leads his gang and they are very successful. They catch a stage coach in a desolate area of road and quickly capture it. Rickey insists on executing the rail employees defending it. Some of his men think it overly harsh, but quickly forgive when they get the chest full of money. Rickey claims he’s not in it for the money. He hates the railroad.

INCITING INCIDENT: A fire of unknown origin destroys Barnet’s building supplies (lumber) as well as damaging the building under construction. (It is Whitaker who burned his boss’ lumber and the building under construction, but audience doesn’t know this yet.)

TURNING POINT 1: The customer is angry with Barnet, who has no further source of wood. He threatens to go to Barnet’s competitor, and demands his money back. Barnet promises restitution. The men, having no work and hence, no pay, walk off the job.

Barnet decides to skip town. There’s nothing for him here. But first he gets Castle out of jail.

Whitaker tries to convince Barnet to pay the men for just a few more days – he knows of a source of lumber: an abandoned town. Barnet, short on money is reluctant to sink his last few dollars into a failed business. Whitaker tells him he used to live in the town and is aware of some hidden money there that he has wanted to retrieve. But the trail there is unsafe and he could never traverse it alone.

Whitaker tries to talk Barnet into sending him there with the men while Barnet stays in town and does damage control. Barnet can’t look Charlotte in the eye and feels bad about his customer, so decides he must go.

Rickey rides with Adelaide, who sees him as a real man and Whitaker as an indecisive coward. Rickey discusses his plans to revive the town with her. She thinks he’s dreaming – the town will never come back without a water supply. Rickey sees that Adelaide is right about the water diversion.

ACT 2: The journey to the ghost town. It is a two-day trip.

First evening, the men get drunk and start shooting at bottles. The intellectual Castle is reluctant to engage in this but is cajoled by the men. He can’t hit a single target. Barnet seems bothered by the gunfire and asks them to stop shooting. They tease him. They think he’s probably an even worse shot than Castle. Finally, Barnet leaps onto his horse, does riding tricks, and as he passes by the bottles, shoots his pistol and hits all of them. He jumps off his horse onto the main guy making fun of him, tackles the guy, and holds a knife to his throat. Barnet thus gains the respect (and fear) of his men by showing his hidden skills – and temper. Castle has to pull him off. Barnet reveals his fear of combat left over from the war, where he was a cavalry officer. He goes into his tent and breaks down.

They arrive in town the next evening to find a fully stocked saloon. This raises Barnet’s suspicions. He notices that Castle has disappeared. Barnet wants the money and thinks Castle is going to grab it and run. He goes looking for Castle.

Rickey brings his gang to the weir that diverted water away from his town, intending to blow it up and correct the direction of water flow. His gang is unhappy that there’s no money in it. He pulls his gun on them and threatens. None of them is any good with explosives, and they fail to destroy the weir. Rickey vows to try again, but his men are unhappy about it. They ride for “town”.

TURNING POINT 2: First night in Justice, Barnet puts together that it might have been Castle who burned the lumber, despite being in jail during the fire. Barnet is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Castle when he finds him. Castle reveals that he was once mayor of this town. They talk about why Castle didn’t run for mayor of their town. He shows Barnet where the bulk of the gang’s loot is hidden – a location he knows but that Rickey thought was secret.

This amount of money is life changing. Barnet is puzzled as to how Castle would know where this stash is. He becomes suspicious.

At dawn, they spot Rickey’s gang on its way into town, sooner than Whitaker had expected.

ACT 3: Rickey’s men roll into town and Barnet’s men hide. Rickey’s men go to the building where the loot is stored and discover it missing. They accuse Rickey of stealing from them.

TURNING POINT 3: Whitaker confronts Rickey, shoots at him but accidently hits Adelaide, wounding her badly. Rickey reveals that Isaac Castle is really the outlaw Holland Whitaker. Rickey shoots Whitaker. A gunfight with Rickey’s gang ensues. Barnet must decide whether to run and hide or try to overcome his fear of battle and lead his men.

ACT 4: The big gunfight.

CLIMAX: Barnet sees Castle/Whitaker gunned down in the street. His men start an erratic disorganized gunfight. He must take action or flee. Barnet does not want to fight. But he overcomes his fears. He takes a few men and sneaks around the back of the saloon flanking Rickey and his men.

CHANGES REALITY: Barnet and his men feel like Whitaker has tricked them. But Barnet realizes that Whitaker has been preparing them for this fight all along, even himself. The payoff for the men will be the reward money for Rickey, which Barnet will give to the men as a bonus and the lumber for Barnet who now realizes what his business could mean for him.

Rickey guns down Whitaker and tries to help Adelaide. Adelaide crawls to Whitaker, rejecting Rickey and seeing him for what he is, a selfish, power-hungry crook. Rickey runs into a building with his men.

Barnet chases Rickey up an alley and they have a fight which Barnet wins using all his skills. He captures Rickey and hangs him.

RESOLUTION: Return to town where they get to work.

Jake settles into his
business as a contractor. Charlotte now sees him as serious. But he realizes
that she will never leave Alf’s employ. He realizes that what attracted him to
her was her unavailability – he would never have had to take responsibility for
a relationship.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Character Action Tracks

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

Having written many scripts and read many books and articles on screenwriting, it comes naturally to me at this point to have my characters show as much by action as possible. This lesson was a review for me.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

ACT 1: A burgeoning western town, rapidly growing. Jake Barnet has a business as a building contractor. He spends money as quickly as he gets it and is in debt.

Barnet thinks he’s in love with prostitute Charlotte. He “plays house” with her, but takes it seriously. He tries to buy her contract from the saloon/brothel owner, Alf. When Alf rejects his offer, Jake insists. Alf pulls out a gun and Jake immediately backs down.

Tries to find new business for his builders. Brings some prospective clients to see his latest building under construction, then to inciting incident.

Whitaker under his new identity, Isaac Castle, takes up residence in a new town. His skills as a carpenter get him a foreman job. He hires all experienced gunmen to work for him as carpenters. He sees wanted posters go up. He argues with Sheriff Edmund that hanging the posters all over town is stupid. Edmund ignores him and Castle takes a swing at him landing himself in jail overnight.

Rickey seeks revenge on the railroad. He has put together a gang to rob its payroll shipments. Rickey is smart about how he leads his gang and they are very successful. They catch a stage coach in a desolate area of road and quickly capture it. Rickey insists on executing the rail employees defending it. Some of his me think it overly harsh, but quickly forget when they get the chest full of money.

INCITING INCIDENT: A fire of unknown origin destroys Barnet’s building supplies (lumber) as well as damaging the building under construction.

Whitaker secretly burns his boss’ lumber and the building under construction.

TURNING POINT 1: The customer is angry with Barnet, who has no further source of wood. He threatens to go to Barnet’s competitor, and demands his money back. Barnet promises restitution.

Barnet decides to skip town. There’s nothing for him here.

Whitaker finds Barnet in his hotel room packing his case. He convinces Barnet to stay by telling him of a source of lumber as well as some hidden money, in an abandoned town. He tries to talk Barnet into sending him there with the men while Barnet stays in town and does damage control. Barnet doesn’t trust Castle and decides to go.

ACT 2: The journey to the ghost town.

One night, the men get drunk and start shooting at bottles. The intellectual Castle is reluctant to engage in this but is cajoled by the men. He can’t hit a single target. Barnet shows his fear of combat left over from the war, where he was a cavalry officer and saw atrocities. He asks them to stop shooting and they make fun of him. He leaps onto his horse, does riding tricks and as he passes by the bottles, shoots his pistol and hits all of them. He jumps off his horse onto the main guy making fun of him, tackles the guy, and holds a knife to his throat. Barnet thus gains the respect (and fear) of his men by showing his hidden skills – and temper. Castle has to pull him off. He goes into his tent and breaks down.

Rickey brings his gang to the weir that diverted water away from his town intending to blow it up and correct the direction of water flow. His gang is unhappy that there’s no money in it. He pulls his gun on them and threatens. He seduces Adelaide, who has come to see him as a real man and Whitaker as an indecisive coward.

TURNING POINT 2: Lucien Rickey’s gang rolls into town.

First night in Justice, Barnet suspects that it was Castle who burned the lumber. He is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Castle. Instead, they talk about why Castle didn’t run for mayor of their town. Castle admits who he is. Early the next morning, they spot Rickey’s gang on its way into town, unexpectedly.

ACT 3: Confrontation with the gang who uses the town as a hideout.

Barnet must decide whether to run and hide or try to overcome his fear of battle and lead his men.

TURNING POINT 3: Barnet takes charge.

It is revealed that Isaac Castle is really the outlaw Holland Whitaker.

Whitaker confronts Rickey, shoots at him but accidently hits Adelaide. A gunfight with Rickey’s gang ensues.

ACT 4: The big gunfight.

CLIMAX: Barnet sees Castle/Whitaker gunned down in the street. His men start an erratic disorganized gunfight. He must take action or flee. Barnet does not want to fight. But he overcomes his fears. He takes a few men and sneaks around the back of the saloon flanking Rickey and his men.

CHANGES REALITY: Barnet and his men feel like they’ve been tricked by Whitaker. But Barnet realizes that Whitaker has been preparing them all for this fight all along, even himself. The payoff for the men will be the reward money for Rickey, which Barnet will give to the men as a bonus and the lumber for Barnet who now takes his business more seriously.

Rickey guns down Whitaker and tries to help Adelaide. Adelaide crawls to Whitaker, rejecting Rickey and seeing him for what he is, a selfish, power-hungry crook. Rickey runs into a building with his men.

Barnet chases Rickey up an alley and they have a fight which Barnet wins using all his skills. He captures Rickey and hangs him.

RESOLUTION: Return to town where they get to work.

Settles into his business as a contractor with loyal hard-working men.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ New Outline Beats!

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This assignment teaches some good ways to keep a proper plot flow.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Barnet PJ-Jake Barnet’s Protagonist Journey

Whitaker TJ-Isaac Castle/Holland Whitaker’s Triangle Journey

Rickey AJ-Lucien Ricky’s Antagonist Journey

Genre: Drama

ACT 1: A burgeoning western town, rapidly growing. Jake Barnet has a business as a building contractor. He spends money as quickly as he gets it and is in debt.

Barnet PJ 1: Barnet thinks he’s in love with prostitute Charlotte and tries to buy her contract from the saloon/brothel owner. Tries to find new business for his builders. Brings some prospective clients to see his latest building under construction, then to inciting incident.

GENRE CONVENTION: Barnet’s failed love life and clumsy way of trying to correct it.

Whitaker TJ 1: Whitaker under his new identity, Isaac Castle, takes up residence in a new town. His skills as a carpenter get him a foreman job. He hires all experienced gunmen to work for him as carpenters. He sees wanted posters go up.

Rickey AJ 1: Rickey seeks revenge on the railroad. He has put together a gang to rob its payroll shipments. Rickey is smart about how he leads his gang and they are very successful.

INCITING INCIDENT: A fire of unknown origin destroys Barnet’s building supplies (lumber) as well as damaging the building under construction.

Whitaker TJ 2: Secretly burns his boss’ lumber and the building under construction.

TURNING POINT 1: The customer is angry with Barnet, who has no further source of wood. He threatens to go to Barnet’s competitor, and demands his money back.

Barnet PJ 2: Barnet decides to skip town. There’s nothing for him here.

Whitaker TJ 3: Convinces Barnet to stay by telling him of a source of lumber as well as some hidden money, in an abandoned town. He tries to talk Barnet into letting him go there while Barnet stays in town and does damage control. Barnet doesn’t trust Castle and decides to go.

ACT 2: The journey to the ghost town.

Barnet PJ 3: Barnet shows his fear of combat left over from the war, where he was a cavalry officer and saw atrocities. Castle encourages Barnet. Reluctantly, Barnet gains the respect of his men by showing his hidden skills at shooting and horseback riding and knife fighting.

Rickey AJ 2: Rickey brings his gang to the weir that diverted water away from his town to blow it up and correct the direction of water flow. His gang is unhappy that there’s no money in it. He seduces Adelaide, who has come to see him as a real man and Whitaker as an indecisive coward.

GENRE CONVENTION: The relationship between Rickey and Adelaide, and Whitaker and Adelaide.

TURNING POINT 2: Lucien Rickey’s gang rolls into town.

Barnet PJ 3: First night in Justice, Barnet suspects that it was Castle who burned the lumber. He is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Castle. Instead, they talk about why Castle didn’t run for mayor of their town. Castle admits who he is. Early the next morning, they spot Rickey’s gang on its way into town, unexpectedly.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: A criminal gang uses the abandoned town as a hideout.

ACT 3: Confrontation with the gang who uses the town as a hideout.

Barnet PJ 4: Barnet must decide whether to run and hide or try to overcome his fear of battle and lead his men.

TURNING POINT 3: Barnet takes charge.

ACT 4: The big gunfight. It is revealed that Isaac Castle is really the outlaw Holland Whitaker.

Whitaker TJ 4: Whitaker confronts Rickey and accidently shoots Adelaide, starting a gunfight with Rickey’s gang.

CLIMAX: Barnet sees Castle/Whitaker gunned down in the street. His men starting an erratic disorganized gunfight. He must take action or flee. Barnet and a few others sneak around the back of the saloon and flanks Rickey and his men.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Castle is Whitaker, a former member of this gang. All along he has engineered this expedition in order to get back at Rickey for stealing his girlfriend.

CHANGES REALITY: Barnet and his men feel like they’ve been tricked by Whitaker. But Barnet realizes that Whitaker has been preparing them all for this fight all along, even himself. The payoff for the men will be the reward money for Rickey, which Barnet will give to the men as a bonus and the lumber for Barnet who now takes his business more seriously.

Rickey AJ 3: Rickey guns down Whitaker. Adelaide crawls to Whitaker, rejecting Rickey and seeing him for what he is, a selfish, power-hungry crook.

Barnet PJ 5: Barnet chases Rickey up an alley and they have a fight which Barnet wins using all his skills. He captures Rickey and hangs him.

RESOLUTION: Return to town where they get to work.

Barnet PJ 5: Settles into his business as a contractor with loyal hard-working men.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Beat Sheet – Draft 1

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This assignment teaches the first steps in creating the all-important beat sheet.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Barnet PJ-Jake Barnet’s Protagonist Journey

Whitaker TJ-Isaac Castle/Holland Whitaker’s Triangle Journey

Rickey AJ-Lucien Ricky’s Antagonist Journey

Genre: Drama

ACT 1: A burgeoning western town, rapidly growing. Jake Barnet has started a business as a building contractor.

Rickey AJ 1: Rickey tries to get revenge on the railroad. He has put together a gang to rob its payroll shipments. Rickey is smart about how he leads his gang and they are very successful.

Barnet PJ 1: Barnet thinks he’s in love with prostitute Charlotte and tries to buy her contract from the saloon/brothel owner.

GENRE CONVENTION: Barnet’s failed love life and clumsy way of trying to correct it.

Whitaker TJ 1: Whitaker shaves, puts on glasses and a new hat and assumes a new identity, Isaac Castle. He takes up residence in a new town where his skills as a carpenter get him a foreman job. His plan comes together and he hires all experienced gunmen to work for him as carpenters. He sees wanted posters go up.

INCITING INCIDENT: A fire of unknown origin destroys Barnet’s building supplies (lumber) as well as damaging the building under construction.

TURNING POINT 1: The customer is angry with Barnet, who has no further source of wood. He threatens to go to Barnet’s competitor, and demands his money back.

Whitaker TJ 2: Secretly burns his boss’ lumber and the building under construction.

Barnet PJ 2: Barnet decides to skip town. There’s nothing for him here.

Whitaker TJ 3: Convinces Barnet to stay by telling him of a source of lumber as well as possibly some hidden money, in an abandoned town.

ACT 2: The journey to the ghost town.

Barnet PJ 3: Barnet gains the respect of his men by showing his hidden skills at shooting and horseback riding and knife fighting.

Rickey AJ 2: During his falling out with Whitaker, he seduces Adelaide, who has come to see him as a real man and Whitaker as an indecisive coward.

GENRE CONVENTION: The relationship between Rickey and Adelaide, and Whitaker and Adelaide.

TURNING POINT 2: Lucien Rickey’s gang rolls into town.

Barnet PJ 3: First night in Justice, Barnet finds out that it was Castle who burned the lumber. He is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Castle. Instead, they talk about why Castle, didn’t run for mayor of their town. Castle admits who he is. Early the next morning, they spot Rickey’s gang on its way into town, unexpectedly.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: A criminal gang uses the abandoned town as a hideout.

ACT 3: Confrontation with the gang who uses the town as a hideout.

Barnet PJ 4: Barnet must decide whether to run and hide or try to overcome his fear of battle and lead his men.

TURNING POINT 3:

ACT 4: The big gunfight.

CLIMAX: Barnet sees Castle/Whitaker gunned down in the street. His men starting an erratic disorganized gunfight. He must take action or flee. Barnet and a few others sneak around the back of the saloon and flanks Rickey and his men.

Whitaker TJ 4: Whitaker confronts Rickey and accidently shoots Adelaide, starting a gunfight with Rickey’s gang.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Whitaker is a former member of this gang and has engineered the entire expedition in order to get back at his former associate and get his girlfriend back.

CHANGES REALITY: Although Barnet and his men feel like they’ve been tricked by Whitaker, Whitaker has been preparing them all for this fight all along, even Barnet. The payoff for the men will be the reward money for Rickey, which Barnet will give to the men as a bonus and the lumber for Barnet who now takes his business more seriously.

Rickey AJ 3: Rickey guns down Whitaker. Adelaide crawls to Whitaker, rejecting Rickey and seeing him for what he is, a selfish, power-hungry crook.

Barnet PJ 5: Barnet chases Rickey up an alley and they have a fight which Barnet wins using all his skills. He captures Rickey and hangs him.

RESOLUTION: Return to town where they get to work.

Barnet PJ 5: Settles into his business as a contractor with loyal hard-working men.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Deeper Layer!

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This assignment teaches the value of a deeper layer and how to add it in, or where to look for it. In my case, the deeper layer was already there.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Surface Layer: Carpenters go to an abandoned town in search of salvageable lumber to save a builder’s business.

Deeper Layer: A criminal gang uses the abandoned town as a hideout. One of the carpenters is a former member of this gang and has engineered the entire expedition in order to get back at his former associate and get his girlfriend back.

Major Reveal: Happens at (Barnet’s) turning point three. Castle admits that he’s the outlaw Holland Whitaker or it is revealed during his fight with Rickey.

Influences Surface Story: Everything Castle does in town is based on his goal of getting back to Justice with a “gang” of his own. His Act 3 happens during Barnet’s Act 1.

Hints: Castle doesn’t hire experienced carpenters to work for Barnet, but all the men he hires happen to be expert gunmen.

Changes Reality: Although Barnet and his men feel like they’ve been tricked by Whitaker, Whitaker has been preparing them all for this fight all along, even Barnet. The payoff for the men will be the reward money for Rickey, which Barnet will give to the men as a bonus and the lumber for Barnet who now takes his business more seriously.

Protagonist: Jake Barnet

Beginning: In a burgeoning new town trying to get business as a building contractor.

Inciting Incident: Barnet’s building supplies (lumber) are destroyed in a mysterious fire which also damages the building under construction. The customer is angry with Barnet, who has no further source of wood, threatens to go to Barnet’s competitor and demands his money back.

Turning Point 1: Barnet decides to skip town. Castle convinces him that they can correct the whole situation and even come out ahead if they go to his secret source of lumber – a ghost town. Castle reveals that he knows of some abandoned treasure in the ghost town appealing to Barnet’s apparent greed. He is desperate to get Barnet to go along or his whole scheme falls apart.

Act 2: Barnet, Castle and their men embark on the journey to the ghost town, Justice, to salvage lumber. Along the way, Barnet gains the respect of his men by showing his hidden skills at shooting and horseback riding and knife fighting.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: First night in Justice, Barnet finds out (probably from Billy) that it was Castle who burned the lumber. He is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Castle about it. Instead, they talk about why Castle didn’t run for mayor of their town. Castle admits who he is. They spot Rickey’s gang on its way into town, unexpectedly.

Act 3: Rickey’s gang comes into town. Barnet has all his men hide.

Turning Point 3: Castle admits to the men who he is (Whitaker). He privately tells Barnet where the gang hides its considerable loot. He goes out to confront Rickey. Now, Barnet has to decide whether to lead his men into battle or to run and hide. The men look to him for leadership, which he is capable of but reluctant to do.

Act 4 Climax: Seeing Castle/Whitaker gunned down in the street and his men starting an erratic gunfight causes Barnet to take action. He chases Rickey up an alley and they have a fight which Barnet wins using all his skills. He captures Rickey and hangs him.

Resolution: Returns to town with lumber and the body of a wanted criminal. Settles into his business as a contractor with loyal hard-working men. He never reveals the existence of the treasure.

Triangle: Isaac Castle aka Holland Whitaker

Beginning: Mayor of a town called Justice. He and the Sheriff, Lucien Rickey, make a deal with the railroad to come through Justice.

Inciting Incident: The railroad reneges on the deal and changes its route.

Turning Point 1: The town dies and there is an exodus.

Act 2: Rickey wants to get revenge on the railroad and puts together a gang to rob its payroll shipments. Whitaker is unsure this is a good way to go, but his girlfriend, Adelaide, convinces him to give it a try.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Rickey, the gang leader, and Whitaker, have a falling out. Whitaker tries to convince the men that what they are doing it wrong. They’re making too much money and won’t listen to reason. Even Adelaide sides with Rickey. Whitaker leaves the now empty town plotting revenge on Rickey and Adelaide.

Act 3: Whitaker shaves, puts on glasses and a new hat and assumes a new identity, Isaac Castle. He takes up residence in a new town where his skills as a carpenter get him a foreman job. His plan comes together and he hires all experienced gunmen to work for him as carpenters.

Turning Point 3: He secretly burns his boss’ (Jake Barnet’s) lumber, as well as the structure under construction, then tells Jake about Justice where they can go to get more. There they confront Rickey’s gang. Whitaker’s deception is revealed at this point and his men all see him differently now. Will they fight for him after this deception?

Act 4 Climax: Whitaker confronts Rickey and accidently kills Adelaide, starting a gunfight with Rickey’s gang.

Resolution: Whitaker is gunned down by Rickey.

Antagonist: Lucien Rickey

Beginning: Law and order Sheriff of a town called Justice. He and the Mayor, Holland Whitaker, make a deal with the railroad to come through Justice.

Inciting Incident: The railroad reneges on the deal and changes its route.

Turning Point 1: The town dies and there is an exodus.

Act 2: Rickey decides to get revenge on the railroad. He puts together a gang to rob its payroll shipments and convinces the mayor to go along. Rickey is smart about how he leads his gang and they are very successful.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: During his falling out with Whitaker, he seduces Adelaide, who has come to see him as a real man and Whitaker as an indecisive coward.

Act 3: Rickey guns down Whitaker. Adelaide runs to Whitaker, rejecting Rickey and seeing him for what he is, a selfish, power-hungry crook.

Turning Point 3: A gunfight breaks out between Rickey’s gang and Barnet’s men.

Act 4 Climax: Barnet and a few others sneak around the back of the saloon and flank Rickey. Rickey makes a run for it and Barnet chases him down. They fight and rickey loses. Barnet takes him prisoner then hangs him.

Resolution: Rickey hangs from the gallows he built and for which the town had been named.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Character Structure

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This assignment teaches an interesting way of looking at character development and gives a way to make sure that the main characters are excellent.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Protagonist: Jake Barnet

Beginning: In a burgeoning new town trying to get business as a building contractor.

Inciting Incident: Barnet’s building supplies (lumber) are destroyed in a mysterious fire which also damages the building under construction. The customer is angry with Barnet who has no further source of wood and threatens to go to Barnet’s competitor and demands his money back.

Turning Point 1: Barnet decides to skip town. Castle convinces him that they can correct the whole situation and even come out ahead if they go to his secret source of lumber – a ghost town. Castle reveals that he knows of some abandoned treasure in the ghost town.

Act 2: Barnet, Castle and their men embark on the journey to the ghost town, Justice, to salvage lumber. Along the way, Barnet gains the respect of his men by showing his hidden skills at shooting and horseback riding and knife fighting.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: First night in Justice, Barnet finds out that it was Castle who burned the lumber. He is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Castle. Instead, they talk about why Castle, didn’t run for mayor of their town. Castle admits who he is. They spot Rickey’s gang on its way into town, unexpectedly.

Act 3: Rickey’s gang comes into town. Barnet has all his men hide.

Turning Point 3: Castle admits to the men who he is (Whitaker) and tells them where the gang hides its considerable loot. He goes out to confront Rickey. Now, Barnet has to decide whether to lead his men or to hide.

Act 4 Climax: Seeing Castle/Whitaker gunned down in the street and his men starting an erratic gunfight causes Barnet to take action. He chases Rickey up an alley and they have a fight which Barnet wins using all his skills. He captures Rickey and hangs him.

Resolution: Returns to town with lumber and the body of a wanted criminal. Settles into his business as a contractor with loyal hard-working men.

Triangle: Isaac Castle aka Holland Whitaker

Beginning: Mayor of a town called Justice. He and the Sheriff, Lucien Rickey, make a deal with the railroad to come through Justice.

Inciting Incident: The railroad reneges on the deal and changes its route.

Turning Point 1: The town dies and there is an exodus.

Act 2: Rickey wants to get revenge on the railroad and puts together a gang to rob its payroll shipments. Whitaker is unsure this is a good way to go, but his girlfriend, Adelaide, convinces him to give it a try.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Rickey, the gang leader, and Whitaker, have a falling out. Whitaker tries to convince the men that what they are doing it wrong. They’re making too much money and won’t listen to reason. Even Adelaide sides with Rickey. Whitaker leaves the now empty town plotting revenge on Rickey and Adelaide.

Act 3: Whitaker shaves, puts on glasses and a new hat and assumes a new identity, Isaac Castle. He takes up residence in a new town where his skills as a carpenter get him a foreman job. His plan comes together and he hires all experienced gunmen to work for him as carpenters.

Turning Point 3: He secretly burns his boss’ (Jake Barnet’s) lumber, as well as the structure under construction, then tells Jake about Justice where they can go to get more. There they confront Rickey’s gang.

Act 4 Climax: Whitaker confronts Rickey and accidently kills Adelaide, starting a gunfight with Rickey’s gang.

Resolution: Whitaker is gunned down by Rickey.

Antagonist: Lucien Rickey

Beginning: Law and order Sheriff of a town called Justice. He and the Mayor, Holland Whitaker, make a deal with the railroad to come through Justice.

Inciting Incident: The railroad reneges on the deal and changes its route.

Turning Point 1: The town dies and there is an exodus.

Act 2: Rickey decides to get revenge on the railroad. He puts together a gang to rob its payroll shipments and convinces the mayor to go along. Rickey is smart about how he leads his gang and they are very successful.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: During his falling out with Whitaker, he seduces Adelaide, who has come to see him as a real man and Whitaker as an indecisive coward.

Act 3: Rickey guns down Whitaker. Adelaide runs to Whitaker, rejecting Rickey and seeing him for what he is, a selfish, power-hungry crook.

Turning Point 3: A gunfight breaks out between Rickey’s gang and Barnet’s men.

Act 4 Climax: Barnet and a few others sneak around the back of the saloon and flank Rickey. Rickey makes a run for it and Barnet chases him down. They fight and rickey loses. Barnet takes him prisoner then hangs him.

Resolution: Rickey hangs from the gallows he built and for which the town had been named.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Supporting Characters

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This assignment was a good primer on developing supporting roles and making sure there are no unnecessary ones.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Supporting Characters: Jake’s favorite prostitute, Saloon owner of Jake’s hangout (where prostitutes work and there is gambling), Isaac’s protégé, Sheriff of Jake’s town, Lucien’s girlfriend (formerly Isaac’s)

Background Characters: Jake’s workers, town businessmen who need buildings, gamblers, drinkers, prostitutes, Deputy Sheriff, townspeople, and Lucien’s gang

Support 1:

Character Name: Charlotte

Role: Jake’s favorite prostitute

Main Purpose: Shows some of Jake’s deep-down desires that he normally will hide.

Value: She plays along when being paid, but reveals one of his wounds when she rejects him. She can reveal some of his back story showing his primary problem.

Support 2:

Character Name: Alf Edmund

Role: Saloon owner of Jake’s hangout

Main Purpose: He tries to keep Jake under control and won’t sell him Charlotte’s contract.

Value: Reveals some of Jake’s deep-down wounds.

Support 3:

Character Name: Billy

Role: Isaac’s protégé

Main Purpose: A foil for Isaac.

Value: Let’s Isaac demonstrate some of his likeable traits, especially how he cares for those who are close to him.

Support 4:

Character Name: Arthur Edmund (Alf’s brother)

Role: Town Sheriff

Main Purpose: A semi-antagonist for Isaac.

Value: This character shows the respect that a sheriff can have. He will also represent stupidity which will reveal one of Isaac’s weaknesses – temper. He will put Isaac in jail. Causing problems for Jake and leading to the inciting incident.

Support 5:

Character Name: Adelaide

Role: Lucien’s girlfriend/Isaac’s girlfriend

Main Purpose: Isaac’s true goal is his quest to win Adelaide back.

Value: Her struggle to decide between what Lucien represents and what Isaac represents will reveal a lot about both of them and will move the story along.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Character Profiles Part 2

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson showed a good way to continue to develop characters and have a reference for them during script writing.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Character Name: Jake Barnet

High Concept: A building contractor desperate for lumber takes his crew on a risky journey into a lawless place to salvage wood from abandoned buildings and save his business.

Character Journey: An ex-soldier and adventurer trying yet another in a series of get-rich-quick schemes becomes part of his community committed to creating a legacy in his town.

Actor attractors: An ex-soldier who designs his life around hiding PTSD.

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist.

2. Age Range and Description: Mid-40s. A good-looking fit man.

3. Core Traits: Devil-may-care, seeks the easiest path, can’t commit to his business

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Have a normal life with money and a wife.

5. Wound, What They Can’t Face: The horrors he witnessed as a cavalry officer during the Mexican-American war.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: He is very good to his horse. Jake falls in love with a prostitute, or thinks he does. He can’t have her. Jake tries really hard, but he’s a bad businessman. His business goes up in smoke when someone burns his lumber. Jake’s men don’t respect him.

7. Character Subtext: Traumatized. He tries to escape his memories of wartime horror by focusing on making a quick buck. He’s a good time guy who’s secretly looking to settle down.

8. Character Intrigue: Deception. Works to convince local businessmen that they should hire him to do their building for them. He convinces them that nothing matters more to him than quality. He really wants to make as much money as possible. Secret. A former cavalry man, he is an expert horseman and a crack shot. He also knows how to fight with knives. Unspoken Wound. The horrors of the war had a profound effect on his attitude about violence. Secret Identity. A respected member of the community and a family man.

9. Flaw: Can’t look at his fears. Wants to stay out of danger and away from potential horror.

10. Values: Peace, wealth, love.

11. Character Dilemma: Deal-making, excitement and partying versus normalcy.

Character Name: Isaac Castle (aka Holland Whitaker)

High Concept: A wanted criminal hides in plain sight and plots an elaborate revenge against his former partner in crime.

Character Journey: Former member of Lucien’s gang, he gives up crime to work as a carpenter, keeps his background secret, convinces the builder to take a risky trip for a potentially lucrative reward. All to win back his girlfriend.

Actor attractors: A criminal hiding in plain sight determined to get restitution and revenge.

1. Role in the Story: Triangle

2. Age Range and Description: 30. Neatly trimmed hair, sideburns and mustache.

3. Core Traits: Intellectual, skilled carpenter, mentor

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to get his girlfriend back.

5. Wound, What They Can’t Face: Betrayed by his best friend, Lucien, who stole his girlfriend.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: He’s smart. Takes his younger workers under his wing. Tries to do a good job and mentors his workers. He is faced with stupidity of those around him that impacts his work and even his everyday life. Later we will find out he has been in love and lost that love. His boss doesn’t always do what’s right for the business, and Isaac must work hard to make up for it. His former partner in crime stole his girlfriend.

7. Character Subtext: Hiding something. Isaac is a former criminal who detests criminals. He must plan for covert criminal behavior to rescue his girlfriend. Character Intrigue. Hidden Agendas. Everything he does is toward his goal of killing the outlaw Lucien Rick and getting his girlfriend back. Secrets. Appearing to be a soft intellectual, he was once a hardened criminal. Deception. He hires his workers based on gunfighting ability. He burns his own lumber and blames it on the competition. He convinces Jake to go to an abandoned town in search of lumber, but he has ulterior motives for wanting to go there. He knows it’s a hideout for Lucien Rickey’s gang. Unspoken Wound. He fears that his girlfriend she may actually love Lucien Rickey.

8. Flaw: Too easily angered by what he sees as stupidity. Becomes brash.

9. Values: Intelligence, devotion.

10. Character Dilemma: Honesty versus being a criminal.

Antagonist Character Name: Lucien Rickey

High Concept: The leader of a gang of successful stage coach robbers uses an abandoned town as a hideout and storage for plunder, which he will protect at any cost.

Character Journey: A hardened criminal who was previously a law-and-order town sheriff dies for his crimes.

Actor attractors: A man doing bad things for (what he believes to be) a good cause. A variation on a Robin Hood type.

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist.

2. Age Range and Description: Late 30s. A fit man.

3. Core Traits: Air of superiority, anger issues, prideful

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Revenge against the railroad company.

5. Wound, What They Can’t Face: His town will never return. He will never be the most important guy in town again. He will be furious to find out that Barnet is dismantling it.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: A former law-and-order sheriff, he kept his town peaceable. Might possibly show him as a popular man. His men are fiercely loyal to him. Wanted a good life for himself and others. The railroad reneged on its deal with his town and as a result, the town died. He’s getting revenge on them.

7. Character Subtext: Secret. He leads his gang to make money, but he really wants to bring his town back to life. Misses being the most important guy in the town.

8. Character Intrigue: He must find ways to justify how he’s not really a criminal.

9. Flaw: Cannot admit to himself the futility of his quest to reinvigorate his town.

10. Values: Respect.

11. Character Dilemma: Being a criminal versus devotion to law and order.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Character Profiles Part 1

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson showed a good way to develop characters and have a reference for them during script writing.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Character Name: Jake Barnet

High Concept: A building contractor desperate for lumber takes his crew on a risky journey into a lawless place to salvage wood from abandoned buildings and save his business.

Character Journey: An ex-soldier and adventurer trying yet another in a series of get-rich-quick schemes becomes part of his community committed to creating a legacy in his town.

Actor attractors: An ex-soldier who designs his life around hiding PTSD.

1. Role in the Story: Protagonist.

2. Age Range and Description: Mid-40s. A good-looking fit man.

3. Core Traits: Devil-may-care, seeks the easiest path, can’t commit

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Have a normal life with money and a wife.

5. Wound, What They Can’t Face: His past as a cavalry officer during the Mexican-American war. The horrors he witnessed.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: He is very good to his horse. Jake falls in love with a prostitute, or thinks he does. He can’t have her. Jake tries really hard, but he’s a bad businessman. His business goes up in smoke when someone burns his lumber. Jake’s men don’t respect him.

Character Name: Isaac Castle (aka Holland Whitaker)

High Concept: A wanted criminal hides in plain sight and plots an elaborate revenge against his former partner in crime.

Character Journey: Former member of Lucien’s gang, he gives up crime to work as a carpenter, keeps his background secret, convinces the builder to take a risky trip for a potentially lucrative reward. All to win back his girlfriend.

Actor attractors: A criminal hiding in plain sight determined to get restitution and revenge.

1. Role in the Story: Triangle

2. Age Range and Description: 30. Neatly trimmed hair, sideburns and mustache.

3. Core Traits: Intellectual, skilled carpenter, mentor

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to get his girlfriend back.

5. Wound, What They Can’t Face: Betrayed by his best friend, Lucien, who stole his girlfriend.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: He’s smart. Takes his younger workers under his wing. Tries to do a good job and mentors his workers. He is faced with stupidity of those around him that impacts his work and even his everyday life. Later we will find out he has been in love and lost that love. His boss doesn’t always do what’s right for the business, and Isaac must work hard to make up for it. His former partner in crime stole his girlfriend.

Antagonist Character Name: Lucien Rickey

High Concept: The leader of a gang of successful stage coach robbers uses an abandoned town as a hideout and storage for plunder, which he will protect at any cost.

Character Journey: A hardened criminal who was previously a law-and-order town sheriff dies for his crimes.

Actor attractors: A man doing bad things for (what he believes to be) a good cause. A variation on a Robin Hood type.

1. Role in the Story: Antagonist.

2. Age Range and Description: Late 30s. A fit man.

3. Core Traits: Air of superiority, anger issues, prideful

4. Motivation; Want/Need: Revenge against the railroad company.

5. Wound, What They Can’t Face: His town will never return. He will be furious to find out that Barnet is dismantling it.

6. Likability, Relatability, Empathy: A former law-and-order sheriff, he kept his town peaceable. Might possibly show him as a popular man. His men are fiercely loyal to him. Wanted a good life for himself and others. The railroad reneged on its deal with his town and as a result, the town died. He’s getting revenge on them.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Likability/Relatability/Empathy

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson was a good exercise in developing characters.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Character Name: Jake Barnet

Likability: He is very good to his horse.

Relatability: Jake falls in love with a prostitute, or thinks he does. He can’t have her.

Empathy: Jake tries really hard, but he’s a bad businessman. His business goes up in smoke when someone burns his lumber. Jake’s men don’t respect him.

Character Name: Isaac Castle (aka Holland Whitaker)

Likability: He’s smart. Takes his younger workers under his wing. Tries to do a good job and mentors his workers.

Relatability: He is faced with stupidity of those around him that impacts his work and even his everyday life. Later we will find out he has been in love and lost that love.

Empathy: His boss doesn’t always do what’s right for the business, and Isaac must work hard to make up for it. His former partner in crime stole his girlfriend.

Antagonist Character Name: Lucien Rickey

Likability: A former law-and-order sheriff, he kept his town peaceable. Might possibly show him as a popular man. His men are fiercely loyal to him.

Relatability: Wanted a good life for himself and others.

Empathy: The railroad
reneged on its deal with his town and as a result, the town died. He’s getting
revenge on them.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Character Intrigue

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson was a good exercise in developing characters.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Character Name: Jake Barnet

Role: Owner of a building business.

Deception: Works to convince local businessmen that they should hire him to do their building for them. He convinces them that nothing matters more to him than quality. He really wants to make as much money as possible.

Secret: A former cavalry man, he is an expert horseman and a crack shot. He also knows how to fight with knives.

Unspoken Wound: The horrors of the war had a profound effect on his attitude about violence.

Secret Identity: A respected member of the community and a family man.

Jake puts a lot of effort into finding new clients to build for without any consideration of whether he can deliver on his promises. He avoids conflict. He seems unconcerned that his workers do not respect him, but earns their respect when he shows what he can do during the trip to the abandoned town. When the time comes to fight the outlaws, he tries to avoid violence, but his options become limited when Isaac starts a gunfight.

Character Name: Isaac Castle (aka Holland Whitaker)

Role: Foreman

Hidden Agendas: Everything he does is toward his goal of killing the outlaw Lucien Rick and getting his girlfriend back.

Secrets: Appearing to be a soft intellectual, he was once a hardened criminal.

Deception: He burns his own lumber and blames it on the competition. He convinces Jake to go to an abandoned town in search of lumber, but he has ulterior motives for wanting to go there. He knows it’s a hideout for Lucien Rickey’s gang.

Unspoken Wound: Lucien Rickey stole his girlfriend and he fears she may actually love him.

Isaac is a diligent foreman
who has done all the hiring and hired only experienced gunmen, not carpenters.
He tries to teach them carpentry. He is angered to see wanted posters all over
town, especially because one of them is actually of him. He creates unnecessary
drama with a rival builder, then secretly burns all his lumber. There being no
immediate sources of lumber and building deadlines to meet, he convinces his
boss to come to a ghost town to get all the lumber they can use. Isaac knows
that a local infamous criminal uses this town for his gang’s hideout. He has a
axe to grind with this man.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Subtext Characters

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson taught me a good way to develop subtext for my characters’ dialog.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Character Name: Jake Barnet

Subtext Identity: traumatized by the violence of the (Mexican) war

Subtext Trait: The salesman, good-time guy, restless

Subtext Logline: He tries to escape his memories of wartime horror by focusing on making a quick buck. He’s a good time guy who’s secretly looking to settle down.

Possible Areas of Subtext: He leaves his building business to his foreman (Isaac) and spends his time partying with prospective clients. But he really cares about quality and bases his sales pitches on it.

Character Name: Isaac Castle (aka Holland Whitaker)

Subtext Identity: Secretive, former criminal, in love

Subtext Trait: throws people off by being an intellectual

Subtext Logline: Isaac is a former criminal who detests criminals. He must plan for covert criminal behavior to rescue his girlfriend.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Actor Attractors!

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson taught me to really focus on developing interesting characters and how to make them so. I found it extremely difficult.

Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Concept: A builder and his team go to a ghost town to dismantle it for wood and find thieves’ treasure stored there. His men mutiny over the treasure, then the thieves themselves show up.

Jake Barnet

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

An ex-soldier who designs his life around hiding PTSD.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

He walks his horse wherever he goes, never rides. Takes meticulous care of the animal.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Tries to buy the contract of a local whore from the saloon keeper with a wanted poster. Claims he’s going to catch Lucien Rickey, then he’ll make good on the cash.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range?

Raucous partier to sly businessman to teary-eyed defender of the weak.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

Always looking to sell, Jake analyzes everything people say and probes for possible interests.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

9. What could make this character special and unique?

Isaac Castle (aka Holland Whitaker)

1. What about this role would cause an actor to want to be known for it?

A criminal hiding in plain sight determined to get restitution and revenge.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in your story?

He’s philosophical and well-read. He tries to mentor his younger workers in spite of their short-comings.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead could take in the script?

Walks out into the street and fearlessly confronts the outlaw Lucien Rickey in front of all Lucien’s men.

4. How can you introduce this role in a way that could sell it to an actor?

Confronts the Sheriff who is hanging wanted posters all over town. Explains why it is stupid to do this (causes inexperienced men to want to be bounty hunters for a quick buck, then get killed). Starts tearing them down and gets thrown in jail for the night.

5. What could be this character’s emotional range?

6. What subtext can the actor play?

He constantly guides his workers to do a better job, all the while encouraging them to keep up with target practice and other skills that are good in a fight but worthless to carpentry.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character can have?

His relationship with Lucien Rickey.

8. How will this character’s unique voice be presented?

He frequently speaks like a college professor, but then has to dumb it down when speaking to less smart people.

9. What could make this character special and unique?

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Actor Attractors for “Silverado”

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

I learned the basics of not just writing to attract a big actor, but making lead characters excellent.

Movie Title: Silverado

Lead Character Name: Emmett

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

An upstanding guy with a shady past. A man of action who knows when to keep his nose clean and when to get into the fight.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

He’s an honest guy, but not too honest. Helps his brother and a friend escape jail. Helps a guy in abandoned in the desert. Served 5 years unfairly. He is good in a gunfight. Makes a comeback from being kicked the head by a horse. Seeks justice when his nephew is kidnapped.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Saves Paden. Catches his enemy in a position to kill him with his horse, the way that guy tried to kill him.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Ambushed by three unknown assailants while he sleeps. Fights them off and kills them.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

Cool under extreme pressure. Greatly angered when his nephew is kidnapped, but maintains composure.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

When he realizes that McKendrick sent the three unknown assailants to kill him, he does not react in the least or let on that he knows. Not subtext, per se, but he is now on high alert.

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

Tolerant of his screw up brother.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

9. What makes this character special and unique?

He’s as cool under pressure as it is possible to be. Is masterful in a gunfight.

10. (Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

When he finds out that the money box has been stolen from Hobart’s wagon train, he leads Jake, Paden and Mal to get it back. He rides into the bad guys’ hideout and pretends, very convincingly, to be someone he isn’t. This gives Paden, who is playing dead, a chance to secure the strong box while the bad guys are distracted by the gunfight that erupts. They ride out of the hideout with the strongbox and return it to Hobart. They ask for nothing in return.

Character Name: Paden

1. Why would an actor WANT to be known for this role?

Former bad guy turned honest, then goes back to work for his former boss, a bad guy. Proves his true colors in the end and guns down the bad guy.

2. What makes this character one of the most interesting characters in the movie?

Wants to be involved in the saloon and gets the job of pit boss. But when push comes to shove, he does the right thing and betrays his boss, and old friend who is a bad guy – and the Sherriff of Silverado.

3. What are the most interesting actions the Lead takes in the movie?

Buys a crappy gun – with which he’s a crack shot – so he can kill the guy who stole his horse. Kills a guy to get back his favorite hat. The story of him the dog. Becomes immediate friends with Stella. Becomes the pit boss of the saloon, hired by Cobb. Kills Cobb in a gun fight.

4. How is this character introduced that could sell it to an actor?

Lying in the desert wearing only his long johns, expecting imminent death.

5. What is this character’s emotional range?

He risks his life to save an injured dog – that he doesn’t even like. He risks his life to return a stolen strongbox for no compensation, because it’s right.

6. What subtext can the actor play?

7. What’s the most interesting relationships this character has?

Forms an immediate bond with Stella, the proprietress of the saloon. Won’t do anything to help Emmett because he worries for Stella’s safety. She assures him she can take care of herself and he then does the right thing.

8. How is this character’s unique voice presented?

9. What makes this character special and unique?

He always does what’s right, even if it involves killing people. Shows immense empathy for the plight of others. Yet he’s tough as nails.

(Fill in a scene that shows the character fulfilling much of the Actor Attractor model.)

His first meeting with Stella where she teaches him that “the world is what you make of it”. He is impressed by how her intellect and determination make up for her small stature. She is impressed with his cool nature and how he understands what she says. Paden then comes in and tells the story of the dog which demonstrates Paden’s compassion for a helpless animal and determination to always do what’s right.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Genre Conventions

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

I learned about genre conventions and making sure they’re correct and fully incorporated into your movie.

Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Concept: A builder and his team go to a ghost town to dismantle it for lumber and find that thieves’ have been using it as a hideout. The thieves arrive and a fight for survival ensues.

Genre: Drama

Act 1:

Opening –Jake Barnet parties with a local businessman in the town saloon, while his foreman, Isaac Castle (aka Holland Whitaker in disguise) has conflicts with another builder, who he accuses of stealing supplies. Jake’s workers are all mediocre carpenters and Isaac continuously tries to show them how to improve. He tries to get Jake to help. Jake brushes him off with the prospect of another payday imminent. The local Sheriff hangs wanted posters all over town for local thieves, Lucien Rickey and Holland Whitaker.

Inciting incident – A suspicious fire destroys all of Jake’s lumber causing him to delay all his construction projects in the booming town by weeks. His customers threaten to go to the competition, who gets a timely delivery of wood. Jake can’t handle the pressure. He packs up to leave town, abandoning his troubles. He’ll start over somewhere else.

Turning point – Isaac convinces Jake to stay with it. He tells Jake about an abandoned town he knows about, two days ride away, where they could procure free lumber by dismantling old buildings. It’s not a journey Jake wants to make. Isaac reveals that he knows of some hidden treasure that might be there. The town is called Justice because thieves were hung in the town and they left the gallows standing.

Act 2:

New plan – during the trip, Jake has no respect from his crew. Jake avoids riding his horse, preferring the wagon, hates sleeping outdoors. Insists on putting up a tent for himself and makes the men help him. They think he’s a soft city boy.

Plan in action – Some of the men practice shooting targets. They are all very good. Jake has flashbacks to combat. He tells them to stop. The men challenge him: hit a target and they will quit for the night. Jake is an amazing shot. Admits he was a cavalry officer in the Mexican-American War and it made him hate guns. The men all turn out to be ex-Army or hunters. Isaac had hired all of them.

Midpoint turning point – They arrive in Justice in the evening. The men go into the town saloon and are surprised to find a fully stocked bar. They commence to party and get drunk. Isaac is conspicuously absent. Jake decides to let the men blow off steam and goes in search of Isaac. Isaac is in the steeple of the church with a telescope. He reveals to Jake that a gang of thugs uses Justice for a hideout. Jake learns that it was Isaac who burned the lumber in order to convince Jake to go to Justice. Jake wants to leave immediately. Isaac reveals that he knows where the treasure is and there’s lots more than he’d said. He believes the gang will be robbing the stage coach and won’t be back to the town for two days.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – Next morning, Isaac has the men dismantle the Sherriff’s building which is well built. An old sign on the wall there says, “Sheriff Rickey”. Jake notices that all of the men are very bad at their jobs and there is unnecessary waste. He wants to give up. Isaac privately convinces Jake that if they don’t get a substantial amount of lumber, there will be nowhere to hide the treasure where the men won’t find out about it. Jake insists on seeing this treasure. As Isaac leads him through town, they see a cloud of dust in the distance. It’s the outlaws on the way to town, earlier than expected.

New plan – They go to the work site and tell the men. The men want to get out, but Jake convinces them that they have a great tactical position plus surprise. They will win the fight and they can all split whatever loot the thieves have with them and collect bounties. Jake’s army experience kicks in. He directs the men to tactical positions and gives instructions. The thieves ride into town and roll up to the saloon.

Turning point: Huge failure/Major shift – Isaac shocks everyone. He reveals that all along he came here to take down Lucien’s gang. Then he walks into the street and confronts the gang leader, Lucien Rickey, at twenty paces. Lucien knows Isaac, calls him Holland. Lucien holds Isaac’s girlfriend hostage. Jake’s men stay hidden in buildings and watch as the girl, dressed in men’s clothes, dismounts her horse and goes to Lucien’s side. Isaac is infuriated. He draws and shoots, misses Lucien and shoots the girl in the belly. Lucien guns down Isaac. The girl crawls to Isaac’s side. Jake’s men start shooting and a massive gunfight ensues. Lucien’s men go into the saloon. Now everyone has defensive positions that result in a standoff. Jake’s men are low on ammo and Lucien knows it. Jake takes two of his best shooters with him, sneaks out the back of his building and flanks the outlaws. The outlaws run out in the street and Jake’s men run out in the street and gun them down.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Lucien takes off down a back street. Jake must pursue on horseback or lose Lucien. He rides. Out of bullets, they fight with knives. Lucien tells Jake that he’d been sheriff of this town and it died because the railroad owners got a better deal from another town and changed the path of the railroad. He formed his gang and has been stealing from the railroad payroll deliveries for revenge. This revenge backfired. It only hurt the rail workers who weren’t getting paid. Jake subdues Lucien and hangs him from the gallows.

Resolution – Jake gets back to town with a load of lumber and two (dead) wanted men. He begins building in earnest, teaching his gunfighters to be craftsmen.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 5

Marcus’ Four-Act Transformational Structure

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson gave me a way to start my script outline. Most sources on script writing talk about the three-act structure. Hal breaks up act 2 into two acts, which seems completely logical. I’ve always wondered why act 2 was twice the length of acts 1 and 3, especially when there’s supposed to be a significant event right at the midpoint. Anyway, works for me!

Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Concept: A builder and his team go to a ghost town to dismantle it for lumber and find that thieves’ have been using it as a hideout. The thieves arrive and a fight for survival ensues.

Main conflict: Jake Barnet goes to a ghost town for lumber and fight with the thieves who are using the town.

Old Ways:

Jake Barnet is an adventurer primarily concerned with getting rich quick then getting out.

Good time guy who spends most of his time in the local saloon and whore house.

Fully leaves his business in the hands of his foreman. Some of his crew barely know who Jake is. Jake focuses on wining and dining prospective customers.

New Ways:

Jake is a contributing and respected member of his community.

He is his own foreman at all his ongoing projects.

Act 1:

Opening –Jake parties with a local businessman in the town saloon, while his foreman, Isaac Castle (aka Holland Whitaker) has conflicts with the competition who he accuses of stealing his supplies. The workers are all mediocre carpenters and Isaac continuously tries to get them to improve. He tries to get Jake to help, but Jake brushes him off with the prospect of another payday imminent. The local Sheriff hangs wanted posters all over town for local thieves, Lucien Rickey and Holland Whitaker.

Inciting incident – A suspicious fire destroys all of Jake’s lumber causing him to delay all his construction projects in the booming town by weeks. His customers threaten to go to the competition, who gets a timely delivery of wood. Jake packs up to leave town, abandoning his work. He’ll start over somewhere else.

Turning point – Isaac convinces Jake to stay with it. He tells Jake about an abandoned town he knows about, two days ride away, where they could procure free lumber by dismantling old buildings. Jake isn’t quite convinced. Isaac reveals that he knows of some hidden treasure that might be there. The town is called Justice because thieves were hung in the town and they left the gallows standing.

Act 2:

New plan – during the trip, Jake has trouble gaining the respect and confidence of some of his crew. Jake complains about the conditions, hates sleeping outdoors. Insists on putting up a tent for himself and makes the men help him. He’s worried that Justice is haunted. The men think he’s a little crazy.

Plan in action – Some of the men practice shooting targets. They are all very good. Jake bitches about the noise. The men challenge him: hit a target and they will quit for the night. Jake is an amazing shot. Admits he was a cavalry officer in the Mexican-American War. The men all turn out to be experienced gun fighters. Isaac turns out to be a terrible shot.

Midpoint turning point – They arrive in Justice in the evening and see the gallows. The men go into the town saloon and are surprised to find a fully stocked bar. They commence to party and get drunk. Isaac is conspicuously absent. Jake decides to let the men blow off steam and goes in search of Isaac. Isaac is in the steeple of the church with a telescope. He reveals to Jake that a gang of thugs uses Justice for a hideout. Jake finds out that it was Isaac who burned the lumber in order to convince Jake to go to Justice. Jake wants to leave immediately. Isaac reveals that he knows where the treasure is and there’s lots more than he had revealed before. He believes the gang will be robbing the stage coach and won’t be back to the town for two days.

Act 3:

Rethink everything – Next morning, Isaac gives all the hung-over men coffee and makes them start dismantling the Sheriff’s building which is well built. An old sign on the wall there says, “Sheriff Rickey”. Jake notices that all of the men are very bad at their jobs and there is unnecessary waste. Isaac privately convinces Jake that if they don’t get a substantial amount of lumber, there will be nowhere to hide the treasure where the men won’t find out about it. Jake insists on seeing this treasure. As Isaac leads him through town, they see a cloud of dust in the distance. It’s got to be the outlaws on the way to their hideout, earlier than expected.

New plan – They go to the work site and tell the men. The men want to get out, but Jake convinces them that they have a great tactical position plus surprise If they win the fight, they can all split whatever loot the thieves carry with them. Jake’s army experience kicks in. He directs the men to tactical positions and gives instructions. The thieves ride into town and roll up to the saloon.

Turning point: Huge failure/Major shift – Isaac shocks everyone. He reveals that he burned the lumber so he could bring gunfighters to Justice and take down Lucien’s gang. Then he walks into the street and confronts the gang leader, Lucien Rickey, at twenty paces. Isaac has an axe to grind with Lucien, who holds his girlfriend hostage. Lucien knows Isaac who he calls Holland. Jake’s men hide in buildings and watch as the girl, dressed in men’s clothes, dismounts her horse and goes to Lucien’s side. Isaac is infuriated. He draws and shoots, misses Lucien and shoots the girl in the belly. Lucien guns down Isaac. The girl crawls to Isaac’s side. Jake’s men start shooting and a massive gunfight ensues. Lucien’s men go into the saloon. Now everyone has defensive positions that result in a standoff. Jake’s men get low on ammo, though, and Lucien knows it. Jake takes two of his best shooters with him, sneaks out the back of his building and flanks the outlaws. The outlaws run out in the street and Jake’s men run out in the street and gun them down.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Lucien takes off down a back street with Jake in pursuit. Out of bullets, they fight with knives. Lucien tells Jake that he’d been sheriff of this town and it died because the railroad owners got a better deal from another town and changed the path of the railroad. He formed his gang and has been stealing from the railroad payroll deliveries for revenge. But this revenge only hurt the rail workers who weren’t getting paid. Jake subdues Lucien and hangs him from the gallows.

Resolution – Jake gets back
to town with a load of lumber and two (dead) wanted men. He begins building in
earnest, teaching his gunfighters to be craftsmen.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Subtext Plot

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson taught me how to get the plot started with built in complexity from the start, rather than not having it or having to add it in later with difficult rewrites.

Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Concept: A builder and his team go to a ghost town to dismantle it for or wood and find thieves’ treasure stored there. His men mutiny over the treasure, then the thieves themselves show up.

Subtext plots:

Someone hides who they are – the builder’s foreman is a dedicated and skilled worker who hides his identity as a former member of the gang of thieves. He knows the treasure will be in the ghost town but tells no one.

The builder himself hides his identity as a former soldier with PTSD issues that partially explain his poor behavior early on.

Major cover up – the
foreman has an axe to grind with the leader of the gang of thieves. In addition
to stealing their loot, he wants to be in a position to kill the gang leader.
He has made sure that members of the building crew are former thugs so he’d
have a gang of his own to bring when the opportunity presented itself.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Transformational Journey

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson taught me to begin the writing process by focusing on the protagonist’s journey, rather than developing the overall story arc, which the protagonist just gets squeezed into. After coming up with my concept, I had a flat two-dimensional protagonist. After giving it enough thought, I came up with a character arc that, in turn, opens up a whole vista of opportunities for the story itself. When your main character has a purpose that you, as a writer, commit to, anything can happen in the story.

Now I think I have a character framework from which I can create an intriguing character who contributes to the story in an enriching way. In the past, I usually didn’t plan my characters’ journey in advance. Sometimes a journey sort of appeared for them and sometimes, the characters were nothing more than bone heads speaking lines. Then I couldn’t figure out why the script wasn’t any good.

(Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Concept: A builder and his team go to a ghost town to dismantle it for or wood and find thieves’ treasure stored there. His men mutiny over the treasure, then the thieves themselves show up.)

Protagonist Character Arc:

Arc
Beginning: An ex-soldier and adventurer trying yet another in a series of
get-rich-quick schemes.

Arc Ending: A
part of his community committed to creating a legacy in his town.

Protagonist Internal/External Journey:

<div>Internal
Journey: From a careless schemer to a committed planner.
</div><div>

External
Journey: From happy-go-lucky party guy to businessman and craftsman.

</div>

<div>Protagonist’s Old Ways at the beginning of the movie and his New Ways at the end:
</div><div>

Old Ways: An
adventurer primarily concerned with getting rich then getting out.

</div><div>

New Ways: A contributing
and respected member of his community.

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Intentional Lead Characters

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson taught me a specific way to start character creation.

Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Concept: A builder and his team go to a ghost town to dismantle it for wood and find thieves’ treasure stored there. His men mutiny over the treasure, then the thieves themselves show up.

Protagonist:

<div>
Character: Master
Builder</div><div>

Logline: A building
contractor desperate for lumber takes his crew on a risky journey into a
lawless place to salvage it and save his business.

Unique: He is
conflicted between stealing treasure and abandoning his business, or
getting his wood without getting killed by bandits.

</div><div>

</div>

Antagonist:

<div>
Character: Gang
Leader
</div><div>

Logline: The
leader of a gang of successful stage coach robbers uses an abandoned town
as a hideout and storage for plunder, which he will protect at any cost.

Unique: Has
eluded capture because of sagacity and violence, including finding a
unique hide out.

</div><div>

</div>

Triangle Character:

<div>
Character: Foreman
</div><div>

Logline: One
of the gang members has given up crime to return to work as a carpenter,
keeps his background secret from his boss, convinces the builder to take a
risky trip for a potentially lucrative reward.

Unique: Gave up a life of
crime for stability, but misses the action. He’s ready for one last adventure.

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Title, Concept, and Character Structure!

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This lesson taught me the broad basics of character structure. The characters don’t just show up for the overall story, they have their own stories within the overall story structure.

Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Concept: A builder and his team go to a ghost town to dismantle it for wood and find thieves’ treasure stored there. His men mutiny over the treasure, then the thieves themselves show up.

Character Structure:
Dramatic Triangle

[Marcus Wolf]

When is the next call? I’m not getting any notifications. Thanks!

[Marcus Wolf]

Hi, I’m Marcus. I’ve written about 8 or 9 feature film scripts, around 20 short subject scripts (some of which I produced) and two TV pilots.

I’m in the current Bingeworthy TV Class and one of my pilots is the one I wrote for that. I learned a lot of skills in that class that easily translate to screenplay writing, but I would like to really get better at it.

I first started writing scripts because I wanted to make an independent film. But I tried, and wrote a script that everybody who read it was very unimpressed. I read a bunch of books on script writing and my writing improved greatly, but still isn’t excellent.

While I’d love to sell a script to a producer, I’d also like to write one that I can produce myself and have success in film festivals. I spent decades in another profession that I didn’t like but was good at and worked hard at. Now I’m doing something I really like, so getting good at it is a priority. Empowerment is not a problem for me.

[Marcus Wolf]

Having taken another class, some of the material in the teleconference was review. The part that I found most interesting was on feedback. While I don’t depend on it, I’ve always wanted it because I find myself too close to my material to be as objective as I want to be. I need someone else to let me know what is confusing or what doesn’t work and so forth. The thing is, I’ve found that most people don’t know how to give good feedback. Most of the feedback I get is either not useful or marginally useful, and doesn’t agree with or overlap other people’s feedback.

If I understand correctly, we’re going to learn a way to give feedback properly. Looking forward to that! I can’t say that I’m great at it myself, so it’s another skill to learn as an improving writer.

[Marcus Wolf]

<div>I, Marcus Wolf, agree to the terms of this release form:</div><div>

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 15

Marcus Finished Wordsmithing!

This assignment taught me a regimented way of wordsmithing. In the past, I just did it as it I was doing other editing. And actually, I did a bit of that through the whole editing process. But when we got to this lesson, I found that there was a lot I could fix by going through the six steps.

I replaced a lot of repeated words using a Thesaurus, where I needed it. I was also happy to finally understand that I could take out all the “ands” and most pronouns, etc. I always thought everything needed to be in complete sentences. But this way, its shorter and flows more quickly. I did find some unnecessary sentences and phrases, too.

My script is finished and looks pretty good. But I know it still needs more work. I’m anxious to trade it with any classmates and get a critique. Until then, I’ll keep going through it.

What now? Are we getting Module 5??

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 14

Marcus Has Amazing Description

I learned a lot from this lesson about the best way to do description, but I also found the accompanying lecture to be particularly helpful. I’m very good at the basics, since I’ve read so many books on screenplay writing and written so many movie scripts. But there were always some questions I had about the real details of doing great description, and I think these lessons have really answered them.

I was able to go through my entire script and really clean up the descriptions.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 13

Marcus Has Great Introductions!

I learned a lot from this lesson about what really needs to go in descriptions and action lines. I now know that if you keep the descriptions intriguing yet relevant and precise, you improve greatly the chances that they won’t bore the readers and cause them to skip to dialog. My show has quite a bit of action, and I was worried about having too much text. But now that I know better how to write it properly, I’m a lot lees worried about how much I put in, and as a result, with just a few extra words or better choices of wording, here and there, I’ve got a much less dry and unengaging language.

I went through the entire script and rewrote everything I could using this lesson.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 12

Marcus’ Description 1!

I learned a little about improving the tone and visual impact of my descriptions. I’ve written around 15 feature length scripts, so show, don’t tell and present tense is automatic, as well as the other basics. But I have frequently questioned how far to go in descriptive imagery. On the one hand, you’re told to keep it short because no one wants to read the descriptions, and on the other hand you’ve got to show the reader how people and situations are playing out through tone and emotion, etc. This lesson plus the lecture gave me a better handle on that.

One example of improvement that I managed to remember to keep looks like this. In this scene, Jean discovers that the body Endor has supplied him to create a zombie with is actually decades old — despite it’s completely fresh appearance.

BEFORE:

He opens his eyes, looks at Endor, taken aback.

AFTER:

He pops open his eyes, jerks his head around toward Endor, taken aback.

In this scene, Endor is enticing Jean (who doesn’t want to make the zombie) with a display of affection:

BEFORE:

Jean gently disengages. His face still grim.

AFTER:

Jean gently but firmly disengages himself from Endor’s embrace.

I went through the entire script and did this everywhere I could.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 11

Marcus Has Great Dialogue.

I learned that no matter how good you think your dialogue is, you can always go back and make at least some improvements.

I went through the entire script and tried to rewrite every line of dialogue. In most cases, I couldn’t find a better way to do it. But in a handful of places, I was able to tighten up the characters’ lines and add interest.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Dialog 7-8

I learned a more regimented way to do subtext. I’ve always focused on it, but it’s nice to have a list of techniques to help.

As I did my rewrite, I again forgot to keep the original text. But here is an example of some dialog with subtext. The subtext is that Endor plays on Jean’s vanity, but also his love for her and desire to prove himself. Jean does not want to revive the zombie (Deathsong), but Endor is trying to convince him.

ENDOR
Are you stalling? Can you really do it? What am I saying? Of course you can, no one is better than you.

JEAN
Humph. Doing isn’t the question. “Why” is the question. This body holds many secrets. Secrets not meant for us. You may not like what you learn, Endor.

Endor caresses Deathsong’s face and gently kisses Deathsong’s forehead. Then she gently puts her arms around Jean.

ENDOR
She would never displease me. And neither would you, ma cher. Would you?

In this scene, Beatrix is not confident in her ability to do a diagnosis spell. In the original text, Beatrix said she couldn’t do it. :

BEATRIX
I don’t have a lot of time, Cassandra. What can I do to help?

CASSANDRA
Tell me what’s wrong with me.

BEATRIX
You’re a selfish bitch.

CASSANDRA
Ha ha. Okay, fine. Are we done with the pleasantries? You know what I mean.

BEATRIX
I’m doing other things now. Things that will make a difference. For us. I need to focus on that.

CASSANDRA
Nonsense. It’s a simple thing. I’ve seen you do it a hundred times.

BEATRIX
Do it yourself.

CASSANDRA
I did. I need a second opinion.

Beatrix hesitates. She takes off her coat.

BEATRIX
Shall I make you some tea?

CASSANDRA
What’s wrong with you? Do the spell!

BEATRIX
Surely, they did an MRI at the hospital. What could I find that they didn’t?

CASSANDRA
What they found that they shouldn’t have. We need to know.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 9

Marcus’ Dialog 4-6.

I learned doing this assignment some more ways to punch up my dialog. Like Phyllis, I had a lot of setup/payoff and anticipatory dialog already. In fact, I didn’t think I’d really find any place to add anything new. But I was surprised. These (and irony) let me do some nice rewrites. I thought I was pretty good at dialog, but having specific goals for each pass of rewriting it really helps. I went through my entire script with this.

I didn’t save any of the “before” dialog, but I was proud of the “afters”. A lot of times in the past, I’ve looked at dialog and wondered if it was good enough. I mainly focused on subtext and avoiding exposition. Now I have several more tools to mindfully work with.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 8

Marcus’ Dialog 1+2

This assignment taught me a couple of ways to really tighten my dialog – specific things to look for and specific things to do.

I did the assignment for every character and every scene in my script. I normally write like that, but this really focused me on upping my game. I believe it helped. The last thing I want to do in a script is have the audience get bored. As a script writer friend of mine puts it, you want the dialog to sound like ordinary conversation, but it’s the farthest thing from it.

In this scene, one of my main characters (Cassandra) finds herself in the hospital after being rendered unconscious in an accident. Before I rewrote it this way, there was some attack/counterattack, but focusing on that aspect showed me how to rewrite a lot of the lines and also inspired me to add a few lines that I think helped. Cassandra is a somewhat cantankerous individual, so character came out naturally here. Before this rewrite, I had okay, but largely functional dialog that got the job done, but was a relatively uninteresting scene.

NURSE
She’s awake!

Doctor puts on a stethoscope and starts using it. Cassandra shoves it away.

CASSANDRA
What am I doing here?

Doctor backs off, surprised that Cassandra has spoken. Nurse rushes out of the room.

DOCTOR
You hurt yourself. Do you remember?

CASSANDRA
I’m not senile if that’s what you’re asking. Where are my clothes? I’m ready to leave.

DOCTOR
I’m afraid that’s not possible. You see-

CASSANDRA
Not possible? Am I in prison?

DOCTOR
Please, Ms….

CASSANDRA
Just call me Cassandra. Now detach all this, these… devices.

Nurse and a few INTERNS come in the room. They murmur among themselves about Cassandra.

DOCTOR
Cassandra, we took an x-ray to see if… Well, we discovered a large tumor in your brain and several small strokes, not to mention a fractured skull. Further testing indicated that your cancer has metastasized extensively-

CASSANDRA
You tested me? Without my consent?!

DOCTOR
(patronizing)
You were unconscious. From a blow to the head. It’s protocol. I want to be clear about this, Cassandra. Your condition is critical.

CASSANDRA
Still not senile.

DOCTOR
Yes, okay, fine. But I’ve consulted with our two best oncologists and honestly, we don’t understand how you’re still alive. I’m sorry, I don’t know a less blunt way to put it.

CASSANDRA
You had no business looking inside me. I’m leaving.

DOCTOR
You’re in no condition to… Do you understand that you could die at any moment? The pain must be unimaginable. We can keep you comfortable here. Is there anyone I can call? I-

CASSANDRA
Just shut up and get out of here. All of you. This isn’t a damned freak show!

Doctor, Interns and Nurse leave the room. Cassandra rips off the remaining attached stuff and stomps out of the room.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 7

Marcus Completed P/S Grid #2

I learned a group of ways to improve my characters and what they’re doing.

I really tightened up a lot of the action and upped the ante on conflict. Each category in the grid guided me to seek specific problems, and when I found them, how to address them. It’s a lot of work! But hopefully, my script is up to the 50% I think it’s supposed to have achieved by this point in the process.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Completed P/S Grid #1

This assignment taught me a specific and systematic way to attack problems in the script. But I will say that it just isn’t as easy as Hal makes it sound!

One of my really weak points is that my Act 3 is too brief. I was able to find more material, interesting and relevant, to add to it, using the grid. I identified a few other problems and got to work on them as well.

I can’t wait to get to the next step, because my script still needs quite a bit of help.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus has finished Acts 4 & 5.

I’m not used to writing a “30%” script. It takes some getting used to. As I write, I worry that I won’t be able to fix all the problems of this script in later drafts. But I’m sticking to the new method. My problem is similar to Phyllis’. My dialog writing seems flat and on the nose. To get it done fast, I wrote what I wanted the characters to say, but not the way they need to say it (clever, subtext, etc.)

I’m looking forward to continuing on with this method, though. I like where it’s going. I think a number of aspects of my writing have already improved, so let’s see where we go from here.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Finished Act 3

What I learned doing this assignment is the same as before. Stick to the high speed method.

this time I really stuck to the rules and zipped through the act. Nice.

I have a great turning point for my story, I think. The problem is that Act 3 came out way too short. I have room for a lot more content which is not in my outline. But this draft is only expected to be 30%. In the future I’ll have to fill in some blanks. Now on to Act 4!

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Finished Act 2

This assignment taught me to continue with the high speed method for act 2 first draft.

I consistently used the high speed writing rules, or mostly anyway. Some old habits are hard to break.

I had a little trouble continuing without answers in a few places, and I stalled a bit. But I got back on track and finished writing act 2 in two sessions of writing.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Finished Act1 Draft 1

This excercise reinforced what I learned writing the Teaser – having a great outline makes the writing easy and quick. My only issue is that it came out a bit short. It’s really hard to tell from the outline how long the act is going to be. I suspect it means that I am missing something from my story.

I used the high speed writing techniques. I’ve always written something like that anyway, so it hasn’t been a difficult transition for me.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Teaser/High Speed Writing

What I learned doing this assignment was the value of the work put into the outline. Without that, I don’t think the high speed method works too well. I was able to write my teaser in one day. As expected, it needs quite a bit of work, but the basics are mostly all there and I’m ready to start writing act one.

In the past, I’ve always written some type of treatment to guide my writing of the script. But I always did a perfunctory job of it, so I had to make up a lot of stuff as I wrote the script. As expected, when you do that, you start leaving the confines of your original story and your writing slows way down and the story sometimes suffers. High speed writing is relatively easy and fun when you have a detailed outline or treatment or beat sheet – whatever you want to call it – to work from. It’s all in the prep work!

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 12

Marcus’ Outline with Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment was how to further hone the outline for the pilot script. Mine still needs some work…

TEASER

EXT. SHACK IN THE WOODS – NIGHT: Mystery (with the next scene)

SUPER: 1141 A.D. Near Lincoln, England

YOUNG TRABEUS, 20s, a man dressed in long dark robes carrying a lantern, followed by SOLDIER, 20s, a very large man dressed in battle armor carrying a large axe, walk up to the wooden shack. Soldier kicks open the door. Young Trabeus enters and beckons Soldier to follow. Soldier looks inside and is afraid to go in.

INT. SHACK IN THE WOODS – NIGHT

One empty room with no furniture. YOUNG WINIFRED, 20s, a woman dressed in battle armor, stands before a pentagram drawn in the dirt floor with candles at each point. Hovering above the center of the pentagram is a small halo of blue smoke. Young Winifred is magically creating the halo. She stops and looks at Young Trabeus, annoyed. Young Trabeus demands the whereabouts of Cassandra. Winifred resumes her work. Young Trabeus examines the halo and informs her that it won’t do what she hopes it will. She scoffs. Insulted, he does something magical that disperses the halo. The candles go out and the shack goes dark.

<div>
Open
Loop: Who is Cassandra? What does Young Trabeus do to Young Winifred? Why
is Winifred in armor?
</div><div>

Mystery:
What is Young Winifred doing? Who is Young Trabeus? Why is Soldier afraid?

Empathy/Distress:
Young Trabeus messes up Young Winifred’s work. Young Winifred disrespects
Young Trabeus.

Payoff:

Irony:
The big scary soldier is afraid of a woman on her knees.
Setup:
Conflict between witches and Trabeus. Intro to Cassandra. Later
flashbacks.

</div><div>

</div>

INT. CASSANDRA’s APARTMENT – DAY:

LIVING ROOM

SUPER: Present Day

A small, sparsely furnished living room with no technology other than a land line phone. Odd, inexplicable items lie around the place. There are portraits lined up on the wall above a couch starting with a small medieval tapestry, to renaissance era paintings, to early photographs. All are portraits of Cassandra, Winifred, Beatrix, Endor and various fifth women. The apparent ages of the women increase in the newer pictures.

CASSANDRA, 80, looks at the tapestry. Embroidered women wearing armor. Cassandra walks down the line and looks at the last photograph. Written in white ink at its bottom: “Belgium, 1917”. In it, Cassandra, Winifred, Endor and Beatrix appear to be in their late 60s, Astra is 30. They all wear military uniforms of the British Expeditionary Forces and are armed.

Cassandra smiles.

Within the photo, the witches move. All, except Cassandra, drop their weapons and walk away in separate directions.

Cassandra sighs unhappily and turns away.

<div>
Open
Loop:
Mystery:

Empathy/Distress:
The last photo makes Cassandra sad.</div><div>

Payoff:
Irony:

Setup:
The coven has gone their separate ways.

</div>

EXT. WAR ZONE – DAY

SUPER: 1917 A.D. Near Messines, Belgium

Cassandra and her coven go up against Trabeus directly. ASTRA, 30, is now the fifth witch. There is a great deal of discord among the witches. BEATRIX argues against killing Trabeus. After argument, they agree to stick to the plan and disable him.

They fight Trabeus magically and after a vicious struggle, they place a spell on him, focused through Cassandra, that suppresses the greatest of his powers. Trabeus is gravely wounded and they leave him. Beatrix sneaks away from the others and checks on Trabeus. She says she did what she could and must go now, but she’ll be back. Shortly after she joins the other witches at a distance, the entire area where they left Trabeus explodes. Trabeus is assumed dead. Beatrix is devastated, but hides it when among the witches. Cassandra, too, is sad.

There are hard feelings among the witches as they pose for a portrait.

<div>
Open
Loop: Why is Beatrix going back for Trabeus?
</div><div>

Mystery:
What did Beatrix do for Trabeus? Why is she speaking to him? Why is
Beatrix devastated? Why is Cassandra sad after destroying her enemy?

Empathy/Distress:
Beatrix is sad. Trabeus is injured.

Payoff:

Irony:
Beatrix just participated in Trabeus’ downfall, yet shows concern for him.

</div>

·Setup: Beatrix and Cassandra both have complicated relationships with Trabeus.

INT. SUPERMARKET – DAY: Secret Identity

SUPER: Present Day

Cassandra pushes a shopping cart through the aisles. She is bored, and impatient when people get in her way. No one acknowledges her presence. She enters an empty aisle. She can’t reach a can atop a shelf and is angry and frustrated. She fails to get anyone’s attention. She performs magic (with SFX) and the can flies around over her head. Enjoying this little display of power, she makes a few other cans fly around in formation. Suddenly she loses control, and a can hits her on the head and knocks her out. Someone finally calls an ambulance.

• Open Loop: How bad is the injury?

• Mystery:

• Empathy/Distress: People ignore her. She does her magic wrong. She gets hurt.

• Irony: Only when she is badly injured and blocking the aisle do people pay attention.

• Setup: Cassandra’s magic is weakened. Cassandra’s life will get exciting.

ACT 1

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT: Secret

Hospital room with two beds. Cassandra lies in one bed; the other is empty. She is festooned with tubes, oxygen, etc. A large bandage is on her head. She awakens from unconsciousness. Bewildered by all the machinery around her, she pulls the sensor off her finger and the heart monitor flatlines. She removes other things. NURSE runs in and tries to reattach these things and struggles against Cassandra’s resistance. Nurse calls the doctor.

DOCTOR comes and informs Cassandra that while unconscious, they did extensive tests uncovering that she has end stage metastasized cancer and some other bad problems, as well. He doesn’t understand how she could even be alive. She’s very upset that they did all these tests without her consent. Doctor insists she stay in the hospital. Doctor and Nurse leave the room. Cassandra rips off all the attached stuff and leaves the hospital against medical advice.

• Open Loop: What’s keeping her alive?

• Mystery: Why didn’t she want tests done? If she’s so sick, why leave the hospital?

• Empathy/Distress: Struggle with the nurse. Disagreement with doctor.

• Payoff:

• Irony:

• Setup: More about how magic works.

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT: Intriguing World

LIVING ROOM

Cassandra arrives home. She tries to do a magical examination on herself but can’t get it right. Frustrated, she agonizes, then reluctantly gets on the phone and calls Beatrix.

• Open Loop: What’s wrong with her magic? What might magic reveal that medicine didn’t? Why does Cassandra live like this? What are these items lying around?

• Mystery: Why doesn’t she want to speak to Beatrix?

• Empathy/Distress: Can’t get her magic to work right. Doesn’t want to call for help.

• Payoff: More magic.

• Irony:

• Setup: We’re going to meet another witch.

INT. PHYSICS LABORATORY – NIGHT: Secret Identity

Beatrix, late 70s, collects data on a device under test. Other PHYSICISTS and ENGINEERS also work feverishly on this clearly critical project: a new technology handheld weapon.

Beatrix gets Cassandra’s call. She unhappily speaks to Cassandra who she doesn’t want to hear from. She tries to get out of helping Cassandra. Cassandra begs pathetically.

Beatrix argues with her BOSS, citing a family emergency. He insists they can’t do without her. She leaves the lab, irritating Boss. She holds up her cell and tells him he can always get ahold of her. He threatens to take away her position as head of research over this. She leaves.

<div>
Open
Loop: How much trouble is Beatrix in at work?
</div><div>

Mystery:
Why has Beatrix turned into a scientist? Why hasn’t Cassandra? Why does
Beatrix drop everything for Cassandra, someone she seems to dislike?

Empathy/Distress:
She’s critical to the project but must walk out for her friend. Cassandra
begs her.

Payoff:
We meet Beatrix.

Irony:
She’s great at science, but is being called by someone for whom technology
failed.
Setup:
What is going to happen between Cassandra and Beatrix? Beatrix will use
technology, including the new weapon.

</div><div>

</div>

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT: Hidden Agenda

LIVING ROOM

Cassandra opens the door and Beatrix storms in. There’s no warm greeting. Beatrix notices Cassandra’s head with minimal concern. Cassandra, gets right to it. She lays on the couch and tells Beatrix to examine her magically. Beatrix refuses. An argument ensues.

Beatrix agrees, on the condition that it’s the last time. With great effort she holds her hands over Cassandra and performs magic scan. Beatrix confirms the cancer.

Beatrix also discovers something else. Remnants of the spell they had cast on Trabeus are there, indicating that Trabeus lives! This spell connects them to Trabeus in a magical way. Beatrix quickly suppresses momentary joy. Cassandra is overtly happy because now she has renewed purpose in life. Kill Trabeus.

The spell itself has weakened in proportion to Cassandra’s weakening condition. Cassandra and Beatrix argue bitterly over what to do about Trabeus. Cassandra: kill – she admits to holding a grudge about something unspecific and seeks revenge. Beatrix: leave him alone. Either way, the old spell connects Cassandra with Trabeus. Cassandra entreats Beatrix to help her find Trabeus.

Beatrix, distracted, leaves the apartment without another word.

<div>
Open
Loop: Beatrix and Cassandra are each happy that Trabeus lives, but why?
</div><div>

Mystery:
Why doesn’t Beatrix want to perform magic? Where has Trabeus been all
these years? How did he survive the explosion in 1917?

Empathy/Distress:
Beatrix is angry with Cassandra. They argue bitterly. Cassandra’s
important spell is fading away. Her magic is fading. Her life is ending.

Payoff:
Beatrix and Cassandra have a tense relationship. Cassandra’s life is no
longer boring and meaningless.

Irony:
Beatrix doesn’t want to use magic, but it shows her something that makes
her happy.
Setup:
Beatrix wants to find Trabeus for her own reasons.

</div>

ACT 2

EXT. TRABEUS’ NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY: Hidden Layer

An old suburban neighborhood with tall old trees along the street.

TRABEUS, 70s, distinguished, well-dressed, smiling and pleasant, walks along the sidewalk. Everyone he passes happily says hello to him, calling him “Mr. Belmondo”. He helps somebody do something. He covertly uses magic to help do it. MARIUS, 40s, a very large man, comes up behind Trabeus. The person Trabeus helps sees Marius and fearfully hurries away. Trabeus, startled, turns to see Marius. Trabeus is annoyed and orders Marius to go home. Marius is sad.

Trabeus is accosted by three MUGGERS, young men. He tries to reason with them. They close in. Some NEIGHBORS see what’s happening and start to rally around Trabeus. Muggers get nervous but don’t run; they pull out knives and adopt fighting stances. Trabeus tells everyone to stay calm and asks Muggers to just leave, or else. Marius returns. Muggers get nervous.

Sports car pulls up. ANTONIO, 30, well-dressed good-looking man, gets out and joins Trabeus. Antonio approaches Muggers, they back off. They recognize him. He tells them to get lost and they run off. Neighbors look at Antonio with anger and fear. They disperse.

Trabeus becomes angry. He confronts Antonio, a gangster. Trabeus’ deal with the gang is they stay out of his neighborhood. Especially Antonio! Antonio tells him he hasn’t been answering his burner phone and Carlos, the gang leader sent him to get Trabeus. Trabeus tells him he’ll get there on his own. Antonio reluctantly leaves.

Trabeus pulls out the burner phone. It won’t work. He hands it to Marius who tells him the battery is dead. Another phone rings, Trabeus pulls it out and says he’ll be right there.

• Open Loop: Who is Antonio to Trabeus?

• Mystery: How did Trabeus get a deal with the local gang to stay away? Who called Trabeus? Trabeus drops everything to respond to the phone call – why?

• Empathy/Distress: Kindly old man mugged.

• Payoff:

• Irony: A gangster shows up to keep the peace.

• Setup: Who is Antonio?

INT. US MARSHAL’S OFFICES – DAY: Secret Identity

Trabeus’ witness protection CASE OFFICER is very friendly with Trabeus. She informs him that she’s being transferred for a promotion. The REPLACEMENT CASE OFFICER is an asshole who asks detailed questions about Marius. His computer screen shows a file on Marius with arrest pictures. Marius is known to the criminals that Trabeus had testified against. Trabeus defends Marius and threatens to leave the program, despite the dangerous criminals who are hunting him. Replacement Case Officer immediately lets him go, despite vehement objections from Case Officer.

<div>Open Loop: Are Trabeus and Marius in danger from criminals from their past? Do their new criminal associates know about the old ones?
</div><div>

Mystery: Who did Trabeus
testify against before? Why would he be involved with criminals in his new
life? Is Trabeus a nice guy or a recidivate criminal?

Empathy/Distress: New Case
Officer is a hard ass.

Payoff: Trabeus is in
witsec.
Irony: Trabeus is happy for
Case Officer but unhappy that she’s leaving. He has treated Marius
disdainfully, yet gives up witsec for him. Trabeus associates with Marius,
who knows the people Trabeus ratted on.
Setup:

</div><div>

Mystery: Who did Trabeus
testify against before? Why would he be involved with criminals in his new
life? Is Trabeus a nice guy or a recidivate criminal?

Empathy/Distress: New Case
Officer is a hard ass.

Payoff: Trabeus is in
witsec.

Irony: Trabeus is happy for
Case Officer but unhappy that she’s leaving. He has treated Marius
disdainfully, yet gives up witsec for him. Trabeus associates with Marius,
who knows the people Trabeus ratted on.

Setup:

</div>

INT. TRABEUS’ CAR – DAY: Wound

Trabeus gets in and tells Marius what happened. Marius drives. He is unhappy that Trabeus didn’t discuss it with him first. Trabeus ignores him. Marius pulls the car over. Marius complains that Trabeus never listens to him. Trabeus reminds Marius what will happen (unspecified) if he doesn’t obey. Trabeus orders him to go to the gangster’s house. Marius expresses disapproval about working for the gangster. Trabeus ignores him. Marius drives, steaming.

<div>
Open
Loop: Why does Trabeus treat Marius so poorly? What does Trabeus hold over
Marius? What makes Marius so valuable to Trabeus?
</div><div>

Mystery:
Why does Trabeus work for gangsters?

Empathy/Distress:
Trabeus is dismissive of Marius and doesn’t show any respect.

Payoff:

Irony:
Marius is unhappy that Trabeus left witsec even though he’s not in it. He
worries about Trabeus even though Trabeus disrespects him.

Setup:
Marius will eventually betray Trabeus.

</div>

INT. GANG HEADQUARTERS – DAY:

A living room in a lower-class house. CARLOS, late 30s, the gang leader, speaks disrespectfully to Trabeus, angering Marius. Trabeus does independent jobs for Carlos. Carlos, seated, is flanked by Antonio and ARCANGELO, 30, young man, who stand. Other GANGSTERS sit around the room.

Marius steps forward and insists that Carlos show respect. Gangsters quickly stand up and move towards Marius, drawing weapons. Marius stands menacingly, bares his teeth and breathes heavily. This makes Gangsters nervous. Trabeus calmly orders Marius to go wait in the car. Marius stares at Gangsters’ necks. Trabeus tells him again. Marius leaves.

Trabeus sternly orders Gangsters to put away their weapons. They look at Carlos. Antonio tells them to stand down. Half of them do. Carlos nods and the rest back off. He warns Trabeus not to order his men around. He gives Trabeus an important assignment: capture and get information from a rival gang member. By whatever means necessary. It can’t be traced back to the gang.

<div>
Open
Loop: What’s up with Marius and the teeth?
</div><div>

Mystery:
What makes Trabeus the kind of expert who Carlos calls in?

Empathy/Distress:
Trabeus is disrespected. Trabeus throws Marius out.

Payoff:

Irony:
Trabeus mistreats Marius, yet Marius defends Trabeus.
Setup:
Antonio will try to take over the gang. Marius is a vampire.

</div>

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – DAY:

LIVING ROOM

Cassandra desperately wants to kill Trabeus while he’s still weak and she’s still alive. Using her magical connection to him, she does a locating spell. She does it wrong, inadvertently interfering with the locating spell Trabeus is using.

<div>
Open
Loop: How will Cassandra find Trabeus? If she can’t do magic properly, how
will she fight him?
</div><div>

Mystery:
Why does she hate Trabeus so much?

Empathy/Distress:
Can’t do magic properly. Interferes with Trabeus’ magic.

Payoff:

Irony:
Trabeus does his locating spell right, but it looked like he messed it up.

Setup:
Cassandra’s incorrectly cast spell will cause Trabeus’ spell to go wrong.

</div><div>

</div>

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – DAY: Intriguing World

LIVING ROOM

A warm and cozy sitting room with Victorian style décor.

Marius, Trabeus’ magic apprentice, asks to cast the location spell to find the rival gangster. He can’t get it right. Trabeus loses patience with Marius and belittles him – it’s a simple spell.

Trabeus, feeling particularly strong, does it himself. He can tell something is going wrong as he casts it but won’t let Marius help. Marius insists that Trabeus has located the wrong man, angering Trabeus. Trabeus intimidates Marius with magic that causes him to lose control of himself and bare his teeth. Then Trabeus stops the magic. Marius once again backs off, brooding.

<div>
Open
Loop: How much magic is Marius capable of? How competent is Trabeus? What
is this spell Trabeus has on Marius? Why does Trabeus mess up an easy
spell? Why is Trabeus so stubborn?
</div><div>

Mystery:
Empathy/Distress:
Trabeus is mean to Marius. He won’t listen to Marius.

Payoff:
Trabeus’ spell goes wrong.

Irony:
Trabeus is the master but screws up his spell. Marius, the apprentice,
recognizes the problem.

Setup:
Trabeus will find the wrong man. Marius is a vampire.

</div>

ACT 3

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – DAY: Wound

OFFICE

A small spartan bedroom. An old dusty computer sits on a desk. Cassandra tries to find Trabeus on the internet, but gets nowhere. She’s frustrated. She angrily starts to make the computer fly, then touches the bandage on her head and lets the computer down. She smashes the computer. She calls Beatrix.

<div>
Open
Loop: Will Beatrix come?
</div><div>

Mystery:

Empathy/Distress:
Cassandra can’t find Trabeus. She’s no good with technology.

Payoff:
Irony:
She’s no good with technology and her magic isn’t working right.

Setup:
Cassandra’s lack of tech competence will work against her.

</div>

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – NIGHT: Secret Identity

BASEMENT

An unfinished basement with a drain in the floor. A metal chair is attached to a pole. VICTIM, 30s, man, is tied to the chair. Trabeus tortures the man physically, causing Marius to wince. Trabeus then attempts to extract information magically. Everything fails. Marius asks to try. They argue – Trabeus doesn’t think Marius is strong enough. Marius insists and Trabeus gives in. Marius uses magic. Trabeus sees Marius’ competency, but hides it.

Marius tells Trabeus that this is the wrong man and he knows nothing. They argue intensely, Trabeus loses his temper.

Trabeus lifts a spell he has on Marius that quells his vampire bloodlust. Marius uncontrollably drinks the man’s blood, killing him. Marius is furious with Trabeus for allowing him to do such a thing when he’d promised to prevent it. Marius starts to come at Trabeus, but stops. He fears Trabeus.

Trabeus quickly reestablishes the spell. Marius remarks that it took him three days to put that spell on the first time. Trabeus is getting stronger. Marius reminds him that he promised to remove Marius’ vampirism permanently when his strength returned. Trabeus says nothing.

<div>
Open
Loop: How strong is Trabeus’ magic and how much stronger will it get? What
will Trabeus do about Marius’ vampirism? Then what?
</div><div>

Mystery:
What’s Marius’ story? Why does he hate violence?

Empathy/Distress:
Marius hates violence. Trabeus seems jealous of how well Marius performs
magic.

Payoff:
Marius is a vampire. This is what Trabeus holds over him.

Irony:
Marius hates torture, but asks to try.
Setup:
Marius will betray Trabeus.

</div><div>

</div>

ACT 4

INT. GANG HEADQUARTERS – DAY: Conspiracy

Carlos is furious about Trabeus’ failure to get the information. Trabeus tells him a better way to do what the information would have helped him with. Carlos is appeased but still angry with Trabeus and reduces his payment by half.

Trabeus, unhappily leaves the house. Marius stays behind to use the bathroom.

Marius discusses with Carlos joining the gang. Marius claims he brings many skills to the table and feels Trabeus under uses him. Carlos says he’ll get back to Marius. Meantime, it’s just between them.

Marius privately prays that his own magic is now strong enough to keep his vampirism suppressed without Trabeus’ help.

<div>
Open
Loop: What will happen if Marius leaves Trabeus? How will he get rid of
his vampirism? Will Carlos take on Marius? Can he afford to anger Trabeus
by doing so?
</div><div>

Mystery:
Why did Marius believe Trabeus could remove his vampirism?

Empathy/Distress:
Trabeus loses half his pay. Carlos doesn’t immediately take Marius on.
Payoff:
Marius betrays Trabeus.

Irony:
Marius stayed with Trabeus waiting for his magic to return so he could
save Marius from vampirism, but now that Trabeus might be able to, he
betrays him.

Setup:

</div>

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – NIGHT:

LIVING ROOM

Trabeus offers to teach Marius a new spell. Marius sees this as reconciliation and is happy. The spell has to do with why Trabeus’ strength is improving by the day. He can’t perform it on himself.

Marius performs the spell which reveals that the long-term suppression spell from Cassandra is weakening. Trabeus can now feel the presence of Cassandra, wherever she is. She can feel his presence as well.

Trabeus then determines that Cassandra’s spell is to blame for his failure to find the right guy. He orders Marius to find Beatrix. Using only the internet. Marius questions this, why Beatrix when Cassandra is the head of the coven?

Trabeus tells Marius that Beatrix is more moderate that Cassandra and may help them. Trabeus can’t try to magically connect with Beatrix without alerting Cassandra to his whereabouts. Trabeus knows Beatrix – she will search for him on the internet. He orders Marius to lay some clues for Beatrix on the internet – something Trabeus is not capable of doing – that will lead her to Trabeus.

Trabeus wants to find Beatrix before Cassandra finds him. Cassandra and her coven have repeatedly foiled his attempts to rid the world of injustice. He senses her weakness and feels the best course of action is to avoid her at all cost – until she dies – rather than a potentially costly confrontation.

But with this new threat, he will have to accelerate other plans.

<div>
Open
Loop: How does Trabeus think that consorting with gangsters will help him
rid the world of injustice?
</div><div>

Mystery:
Why doesn’t Trabeus want Cassandra to know where he is? Even in her
weakened state, he fears her enough to change accelerate his plans – why?

Empathy/Distress:
Payoff:
Irony:
Trabeus teaches Marius magic, not knowing about Marius’ betrayal.

Setup:
Trabeus and Beatrix had a secret affair in the past. They are still in
love.

</div>

INT. BEATRIX’S OFFICE – DAY:

Beatrix speaks to Cassandra on the phone. Cassandra has sensed the murder Trabeus caused and eagerly informs Beatrix. Beatrix is disturbed by this. She tells Cassandra she doesn’t want to get involved in this conflict with Trabeus. If Trabeus hasn’t caused trouble in a hundred years, he’s no longer a threat.

Nevertheless, Beatrix has her first clue to find Trabeus (the murder made local news). She searches for smaller towns where there was recently a murder. Many results come in, frustrating her.

Boss catches her doing something not work-related on her computer.

<div>
Open
Loop: Can Beatrix find Trabeus? Why is iso urgent to her? Is Beatrix’s physics
career in danger?</div><div>

Mystery:
Why does Cassandra want to convince Beatrix of how evil Trabeus really is?
Empathy/Distress:
Beatrix doesn’t like hearing that Trabeus is killing people.

Payoff:

Irony:
Beatrix tells Cassandra she won’t look for Trabeus, then does it. Beatrix
hates that Trabeus murdered someone, but it will help her find him.

Setup:
Beatrix is being sucked into involvement with Cassandra again.

</div>

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – NIGHT: Deception

OFFICE

Marius sits at a modern computer table and works with a first-class computer set up. He works diligently, but can’t find what he wants. He tries casting a spell on the computer, then resumes typing.

Marius, works for hours and doesn’t find what he’s looking for. He casts another spell on the computer. He types briefly and a photo of Beatrix pops onto the screen.

He opens a dialog window. In it, he greets Beatrix, posing as “Mr. Belmondo”.

<div>
Open
Loop: will Beatrix believe she’s messaging with Trabeus?
</div><div>

Mystery:
Marius is extremely proficient with his computer.

Empathy/Distress:
Can’t find Beatrix on the internet easily.

Payoff:
A hint about Marius’ next betrayal of Trabeus.

Irony:
Marius, proficient with the computer, must still resort to magic.

Setup:
Posing as Trabeus, Marius will try to capture Beatrix and ransom her to
Trabeus.

</div><div>

</div>

INT. BEATRIX’S OFFICE – DAY: Deception

A dialog window pops open on Beatrix’s screen. She is being contacted by a Mr. Belmondo. “Mr. Belmondo” implies that he’s Trabeus and reveals information that only Trabeus could know. Beatrix is very excited. Mr. Belmondo proposes a live meeting in a hotel in a town several hours away.

Beatrix goes to Boss to beg for leave for a few days. Boss threatens to fire her. She goes home anyway, in tears.

<div>
Open
Loop: What will happen in the hotel? What will happen at work?</div><div>

Mystery:
Empathy/Distress:
She has to beg for leave.

Payoff:

Irony:
She is so excited at the idea of meeting with Trabeus that she will sacrifice
her career in physics.

Setup:
She’s not going to meet Trabeus. We’re going to find out what Marius wants
to do with her.

</div>

INT. BEATRIX’S APARTMENT – DAY:

BEDROOM

Nice comfortable bedroom. Beatrix feverishly packs a bag.

Cassandra calls Beatrix to see how far she’s gotten. Beatrix tells her she’s been unsuccessful and will let her know as soon as she finds anything. Cassandra insists she hurry, angering Beatrix.

Cassandra wants her help contacting the rest of the coven. She wants help bringing them back together to once fight Trabeus – finally, with the possibility of completely defeating him.

Beatrix hangs up on Cassandra.

Beatrix gets in her car and drives away.

<div>
Open
Loop:
</div><div>

Mystery:

Empathy/Distress:
Cassandra can’t get any commitment from Beatrix.

Payoff:

Irony:
Beatrix thinks she’s found Trabeus and is going to help him.

Setup:
We’ll meet the rest of the coven.

</div><div>

</div>

ACT 5

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – DAY: Hidden Agenda

OFFICE

Trabeus pops his head in and informs Marius he’s going out. Trabeus is dressed casually but elegantly. Marius insists that he should drive, but Trabeus orders him to keep working. Marius’ job is to protect Trabeus and wants to know where he’s going. Trabeus tells Marius he’s fine on his own and that Marius is going nowhere until he finds Beatrix.

<div>
Open
Loop: Where’s Trabeus going?
</div><div>

Mystery:

</div><div>

Empathy/Distress:
Marius once again dissed by Trabeus.

</div><div>

Payoff:

</div><div>

Irony:

</div><div>

Setup:

</div><div>

</div>

INT. GANG HEADQUARTERS – DAY: Intriguing World.

BACK YARD

There is a large grill where Carlos cooks meat. There are tubs filled with ice and beer. GANGSTERS and their GIRLFRIENDS party. Trabeus, clearly unexpected, is confronted by two GANG MEMBERS. Carlos sees Trabeus and calls them off. He waves Trabeus over.

Antonio quickly approaches and hands Trabeus a cold one. Carlos fixes a hamburger for Trabeus and Trabeus goes off with Antonio to a picnic bench to eat. He privately informs Antonio that plans have been moved up and he should be ready to take over the gang, as planned. Today. Antonio thinks he needs more time – he’s not on solid enough ground yet. Trabeus tells him to be ready.

Trabeus turns and looks at Carlos. Trabeus magically focusses on Carlos. No one else can sense the magic – except for Arcangelo. Arcangelo doesn’t know what he’s seeing but watches intently.

Carlos clutches his head and falls to the ground. An ambulance is called, but he is dead.

Antonio takes charge and most of the gang goes along, informally accepting him as the new leader – for now.

The barbecue breaks up and Girlfriends and most Gangsters leave. Antonio calls a meeting of the leadership in the house. Everyone goes inside including Trabeus.

Arcangelo insists that Trabeus leave. Antonio says he can stay. Several Gangsters back Arcangelo. A fight between Arcangelo and Antonio erupts.

Trabeus tries to help Antonio with magic, but his magic won’t work on Arcangelo, who can actually see it. Arcangelo punches Antonio. There is magic in the punch. Antonio drops to the floor, dead. Arcangelo stares at his fist. Gangsters are amazed.

Arcangelo takes over. There is a brief fight between some of Antonio’s backers and Arcangelo’s men, who prevail.

Arcangelo faces off with Trabeus and pulls out a gun. Trabeus surrounds himself with a magical aura which he knows Arcangelo will sense. Arcangelo is not intimidated. He aims the gun at Trabeus’ forehead and cocks the trigger.

<div>
Open
Loop: What will Arcangelo do? What will Trabeus do? Will Arcangelo learn
about magic and how to use it?
</div><div>

Mystery:

Empathy/Distress:
Trabeus plan failed and his candidate failed to take over the gang.

Payoff:

Irony:

Setup:
Arcangelo will learn more magic.

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 11

Marcus’ Scene Requirements

What I learned doing this assignment is a way to amp up every scene. A lot of my scenes were getting the point across, but were not too interesting. I used this method to figure out how to raise most of them up a level and make each scene interesting.

Here’s what it looks like now. I’m still having trouble with the teaser, though:

TEASER

MONTAGE

SUPER: 1141 A.D. Near Lincoln, England

EXT. A LARGE FIELD – DAY

In the distance is a castle and a cathedral in the town of Lincoln. On the field before the castle, a pitched battle rages with infantry and cavalry.

All women in their 20s, CASSANDRA, BEATRIX, WINIFRED and ENDOR, dressed in armor, stand at the points of a pentagram. At the fifth point, stands EMPRESS MATHILDA, 40, dressed in royal clothes. They are far enough from the battle to go unnoticed by the combatants. They join hands. Led by Cassandra, completely coordinated, they perform SFX magic.

EXT. BATTLEFIELD – DAY

At the battle itself.

The fighting suddenly changes. Leaders from one side flee. TRABEUS, a man in his 20s desperately tries to rally the losing troops and uses magic. But to no avail. It becomes a massacre. Trabeus narrowly escapes.

SUPER: [15^th century]

Place holder: Cassandra and her coven influence an event. They are now in their mid-40s. They argument before Cassandra can assert her dominance. They are successful against Trabeus who is involved on the other side of things and who appears to be on the side of evil.

SUPER: [18^th century]

Place holder: Cassandra and her coven influence an event. They are now in their late 50s. There are significant arguments before Cassandra can assert her dominance. They are successful against Trabeus who is involved on the other side of things and who appears to be on the side of evil.

SUPER: [early 20^th century]

Place holder: Cassandra and her coven go up against Trabeus directly. They all appear in their late 60s. ASTRA, 30s, is now the fifth witch. There is a great deal of discord among the witches. Beatrix argues against killing Trabeus. After argument and negotiation, they agree try to disable him.

They fight Trabeus magically and after a vicious struggle, they place a spell on him, focused through Cassandra, that suppresses the greatest of his powers. Trabeus is gravely wounded and they leave him to die. Beatrix sneaks away from the others and checks on Trabeus. She says a tearful goodbye to him, apologizing for what they have done to him and telling him that she had hoped that he would survive. He’s too wounded to respond. Beatrix has to leave.

There are hard feelings among the witches and they go their separate ways. Beatrix returns to where Trabeus was, but he’s gone. There are evident reasons why his body might be gone leading to the conclusion is that he’s dead.

SUPER: Present Day

INT. SUPERMARKET – DAY

CASSANDRA, 80, pushes a shopping cart through the aisles. She is bored and impatient when people get in her way. No one acknowledges her presence. She enters an empty aisle. She can’t reach a can atop a shelf and is angry and frustrated. She fails to get anyone’s attention. She performs magic (with SFX) and the can flies over her head. Enjoying this little display of power, she makes a few other cans fly around in formation. Suddenly she loses control, and a can hits her on the head and knocks her out. Someone calls an ambulance.

ACT 1

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT

Hospital room with two beds. Cassandra lies in one bed; the other is empty. She is festooned with tubes, oxygen, etc. A large bandage is on her head. She awakens from unconsciousness. Bewildered by all the machinery around her, she pulls the sensor off her finger and the heart monitor flatlines. She removes other things. NURSE runs in and tries to reattach these things and struggles against Cassandra’s resistance. Nurse calls the doctor.

DOCTOR comes and informs her that while unconscious, they did extensive tests uncovering that she has end stage metastasized cancer and some other bad problems, as well. He doesn’t understand how she could even be alive. She’s very upset that they did all these tests without her consent. Doctor insists she stay in the hospital. Doctor and Nurse leave the room. Cassandra rips off all the attached stuff and leaves the hospital against medical advice.

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

LIVING ROOM

A small, sparsely furnished living room with no technology other than a land line phone. Cassandra arrives home. She tries to do a magical examination on herself but can’t get it right. She agonizes, then finally gets on the phone and calls Beatrix for the first time in years.

INT. PHYSICS LABORATORY – NIGHT

Beatrix, late 70s, collects data on a device under test. Other PHYSICISTS and ENGINEERS also work feverishly on this clearly critical project, some new weapon tech. Beatrix gets the call and unhappily speaks to Cassandra who she doesn’t want to hear from, especially right now.

She tries to get out of helping Cassandra. Cassandra begs pathetically. Beatrix reluctant, argues with her BOSS citing a family emergency. He insists she continue her work. She leaves the lab, irritating her BOSS. She holds up her cell and tells him he can always get ahold of her. He threatens to take away her position as head of research over this. She leaves.

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Cassandra lets Beatrix in. Beatrix is angry. There’s no warm greeting. Beatrix looks at Cassandra’s head with minimal concern. Cassandra, gets right to it. She lies on the couch and tells Beatrix to examine her magically. Beatrix refuses. An argument ensues.

Beatrix agrees, on the condition that it’s the last time. With great effort she holds her hands over Cassandra and performs SFX magic scan.

Beatrix confirms the cancer. She also discovers something else. The remnants of the spell they had cast on Trabeus are there, indicating that Trabeus lives. Beatrix quickly suppresses momentary joy. Cassandra, too, is happy, because now she has a purpose in life. Kill Trabeus.

The spell itself has weakened in proportion to Cassandra’s weakening condition. Cassandra and Beatrix argue bitterly over what to do. Cassandra: kill – she admits to holding a grudge about something unspecific and seeks revenge. Beatrix: leave him alone. Either way, the old spell connects Cassandra with Trabeus. Cassandra entreats Beatrix to help her find Trabeus.

Beatrix, distracted, leaves the apartment without another word.

ACT 2

EXT. TRABEUS’ NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

An old suburban neighborhood with tall old trees along the street.

TRABEUS, 70s, distinguished and well-dressed, smiling and pleasant, walks along the sidewalk. Everyone he passes happily says hello to him, calling him “Mr. Belmondo”. He helps somebody do something.

Trabeus is accosted by three young MUGGERS. He tries to reason with them. They pull out knives. MARIUS, 40s, a very large man, comes up behind Trabeus, joining him, and stares angrily at the thieves. Thieves are a little intimidated but don’t run; they adopt fighting stances. Trabeus tells Marius to back off and asks the muggers to just leave, or else.

Nice car pulls up, ANTONIO, 30, a well-dressed good-looking man gets out and joins Trabeus. He approaches the thieves, they back off. They recognize him. He tells them not to bother Trabeus and they run off.

Trabeus turns angry and confronts Antonio, who is a gangster. His deal with the gang is they stay out of his neighborhood. Antonio tells him he hasn’t been answering his burner phone and the Carlos wants to see him, then leaves.

Trabeus pulls out the phone and it won’t work. He gives it to Marius who tells him the battery is dead. Another phone rings, Trabeus pulls it out and says he’ll be right there.

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING DOWNTOWN- DAY

Establishing shot. Marius waits in the car. Trabeus enters.

INT. US MARSHAL’S OFFICES – DAY

Trabeus’ witness protection CASE OFFICER is very friendly with Trabeus and informs him that she’s being transferred for a promotion. The REPLACEMENT CASE OFFICER is an asshole who complains about Trabeus’ association with Marius, a suspected criminal, known to the people that Trabeus had testified against. Trabeus defends Marius and threatens to leave the program, despite the dangerous criminals that are hunting him. Replacement Case Officer takes him up on it despite vehement objections from Case Officer.

INT. TRABEUS’ CAR – DAY

Trabeus tells Marius what happened. Marius drives. He is unhappy that Trabeus didn’t discuss it with him first. Trabeus ignores him. Marius pulls the car over. Marius complains that Trabeus never listens to him. Trabeus reminds Marius what will happen (unspecified) if he doesn’t obey. He orders him to go to the gangster’s house. Marius expresses disapproval about working for the gangster. Trabeus ignores him. Marius drives, steaming.

EXT. LOWER CLASS SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

The houses have bars on the windows and doors, etc. Trabeus and Marius enter one.

INT. GANG HEADQUARTERS – DAY

CARLOS, late 30s, the gang leader, speaks disrespectfully to Trabeus, angering Marius. Trabeus does independent jobs for this man. Marius steps forward and insists that Carlos show respect. A number of GANGSTERS stand up and move towards Marius, drawing weapons. Marius stands menacingly. Trabeus calmly asks Marius to go wait in the car. Marius hesitates. Trabeus tells him again. Marius leaves. Trabeus sternly orders Gangsters to put away their weapons. They don’t. Carlos tells them to back off. He gives Trabeus an important assignment: capture and get information from a rival gang member. By whatever means necessary.

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – DAY

LIVING ROOM

The suppression spell that Cassandra and the coven used on Trabeus connects them and might be used to locate Trabeus if a locating spell is cast in conjunction with it. Cassandra desperately wants to kill him while he’s still weak and she’s still alive. She does her locating spell wrong, inadvertently interfering with Trabeus’ locating spell, which then goes wrong.

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – DAY

LIVING ROOM

A warm and cozy sitting room with 19^th century style décor.

Marius, Trabeus’ magic apprentice, wants to cast the location spell to find the rival gangster. He can’t get it right. Trabeus loses patience with Marius and belittles him. Trabeus does it himself. He can tell something is going wrong as he casts it but won’t let Marius help. Marius insists that Trabeus has located the wrong man, angering Trabeus. Trabeus does something magical that intimidates Marius. Marius once again backs off, brooding.

ACT 3

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – DAY

OFFICE

A small bedroom. An old dusty computer sits on a desk. Cassandra tries to find Trabeus on the internet, but gets nowhere. She’s frustrated. She angrily starts to make the computer fly, then touches the bandage on her head and lets the computer down. She smashes the computer. She calls Beatrix.

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – NIGHT

BASEMENT

An unfinished basement with a drain in the floor. A metal chair is attached to a pole. VICTIM, 30s, is tied to the chair. Trabeus tortures the man physically, causing Marius to wince. Trabeus then attempts to extract information magically. Everything fails. Marius asks to try. They argue – Trabeus doesn’t think Marius is strong enough. They argue and Trabeus gives in. Marius tries to use magic. He tells Trabeus that this is the wrong man and he knows nothing. They argue intensely, Trabeus loses his temper.

Trabeus lifts a spell he has on Marius that quells his vampire bloodlust. Marius uncontrollably drinks the man’s blood. Marius is furious with Trabeus for allowing him to do such a thing when he’d promised to prevent it. Marius starts to come at Trabeus, but stops. He fears Trabeus.

Trabeus quickly reestablishes the spell. Marius remarks that it took him three days to put that spell on the first time. Trabeus is getting stronger. Marius is losing respect.

ACT 4

INT. GANG HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Carlos is furious about Trabeus’ failure to get the information. Trabeus tells him a better way to do what the information would have helped him with. Carlos is appeased but still angry with Trabeus and reduces his payment by half. Trabeus, unhappily leaves the house. Marius stays behind to use the bathroom.

Marius discusses with Carlos joining the gang. Marius brings many skills to the table and no longer feels safe with Trabeus. Carlos says he’ll get back to Marius. Meantime, it’s just between them.

Marius privately prays that his own magic is now strong enough to keep his vampirism suppressed without Trabeus’ help.

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – NIGHT

LIVING ROOM

Trabeus offers to teach Marius a new spell. Marius sees this as reconciliation and is happy. The spell has to do with why Trabeus’ strength is improving by the day.

Marius performs the spell and the result is that the long-term suppression spell on Trabeus is weakening. It allows Trabeus to feel the presence of Cassandra, wherever she is. She can feel his presence as well.

Trabeus then determines that Cassandra’s spell is to blame for his failure to find the right guy. He orders Marius to find Beatrix. Using only the internet. Marius questions this, why Beatrix when Cassandra is the head of the coven?

Trabeus reveals to Marius that he had once loved Beatrix and still does. Trabeus can’t try to magically connect with Beatrix without alerting Cassandra to his whereabouts. Trabeus knows Beatrix – she will search for him on the internet. He orders Marius to lay some clues for Beatrix on the internet – something Trabeus is not capable of doing – that will lead her to Trabeus.

Trabeus eagerly wants to find Beatrix before Cassandra finds him. Cassandra and her coven have repeatedly foiled his attempts to rid the world of injustice. He senses her weakness and feels the best course of action is to avoid her at all cost – until she dies – rather than a potentially costly confrontation.

But with this new threat, he will have to accelerate other plans.

OFFICE

Marius sits at a well-appointed computer table and works at a first-class computer set up. He works confidently and expertly.

ACT 5

INT. BEATRIX’S OFFICE – DAY

A very modern office with a window. Beatrix sits at a computer feverishly working. She searches for her old lover, Trabeus, online.

Beatrix speaks to Cassandra on the phone. Cassandra has sensed the murder Trabeus committed and tells Beatrix. That gives Beatrix her first clue to find Trabeus (the murder made local news). She searches for smaller towns where there was recently a murder. Many results come in, frustrating her.

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – DAY

OFFICE

Marius, working through the night, finds what he’s looking for. He knows Beatrix is a famous scientist and finds where she works.

He opens a dialog window. In it, he greets Beatrix, posing as “Mr. Belmondo”.

INT. BEATRIX’S OFFICE – DAY

A dialog window pops open on Beatrix’s screen. She is being contacted by a Mr. Belmondo. “Mr. Belmondo” implies that he’s Trabeus and reveals information that only Trabeus could know. Beatrix is very excited. Mr. Belmondo proposes a live meeting in a hotel in a town several hours away. Beatrix goes to her boss to beg for leave for a few days.

INT. BEATRIX’S APARTMENT – DAY

BEDROOM

Nice comfortable bedroom. Beatrix feverishly packs a bag.

Cassandra calls Beatrix to see how far she’s gotten. Beatrix tells her she’s been unsuccessful and will let her know as soon as she finds anything. Cassandra insists on more information and Beatrix hangs up on her.

Beatrix gets in her car and drives away.

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – DAY

OFFICE

Trabeus pops his head in and informs Marius he’s going out. Trabeus is dressed casually but elegantly. Marius insists that he should drive, but Trabeus orders him to keep working. Marius’ job is to protect Trabeus and wants to know where he’s going. Trabeus tells Marius he’s going nowhere until he finds Beatrix.

EXT. LOWER CLASS SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

Trabeus parks in front of gang headquarters. Some local toughs eye his nice car. Trabeus, cocky, puts a spell SFX on the car. He goes into the house. The toughs touch the car which shocks them with painful sparks. They hustle away.

INT. GANG HEADQUARTERS – DAY

BACK YARD

There is a large grill where Carlos cooks meat. There are tubs filled with ice and beer. GANGSTERS and their GIRLFRIENDS party. Trabeus, clearly unexpected, is confronted by two GANG MEMBERS. Carlos sees Trabeus and calls them off. He waves Trabeus over.

Antonio approaches and hands Trabeus a cold one. Carlos fixes a hamburger for Trabeus and Trabeus goes off with Antonio to a picnic bench to eat. He privately informs Antonio that plans have been moved up and he should be ready to take over the gang, as planned. Today. Antonio is worried and doesn’t think it’s a good idea for Trabeus to murder Carlos out in the open with everyone to see. Trabeus assures him that he isn’t murdering anyone. He simply has a hunch Carlos isn’t as healthy as he looks.

Trabeus turns and looks at Carlos. Trabeus magically focusses on Carlos with SFX. No one else can sense the magic except for MATEO, a lieutenant of Carlos. Mateo doesn’t know what he’s seeing but watches closely.

Carlos clutches his head and falls to the ground. An ambulance is called, but he is dead.

Antonio takes charge and most of the gang goes along, informally accepting him as the new leader.

The barbecue breaks up and Girlfriends and most Gangsters leave. Antonio calls a meeting of the leadership in the house. Everyone goes inside including Trabeus.

Mateo insists that Trabeus leave. Antonio says he can stay. Several Gangsters back Mateo. A fight between Mateo and Antonio erupts.

Trabeus with magic SFX tries to help Antonio, but his magic won’t work on Mateo, who can actually see it. Mateo punches Antonio. There is a magic SFX in the punch. Antonio drops to the floor, dead. Mateo takes over. There is a brief fight between some of Antonio’s backers and Mateo’s men, who prevail.

Mateo faces off with Trabeus and pulls a gun.
Trabeus surrounds himself with a magical aura (SFX) which he knows Mateo will
sense. Mateo is not intimidated.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 10

Marcus’ Beat Sheet

I learned how to start a beat sheet for a TV pilot.

Show Concept: The happy side effect of the practice of magic is extreme longevity. But longevity can only delay the inevitable. At long last, elderliness afflicts even the most powerful witches. Witches who still have something to prove.

Inciting Incident: Cassandra discovers that her ancient arch-enemy, Trabeus, thought to be long-dead, is alive and active.

A Story: Cassandra

B Story: Trabeus

C Story: Beatrix/Marius

TEASER [at some point, maybe Cassandra meets Trabeus in secret, he tells her he loves another]

MONTAGE

SUPER: 1141 A.D. Near Lincoln, England

EXT. A LARGE FIELD – DAY

In the distance is a castle and a cathedral in the town of Lincoln. On the field before the castle, a pitched battle rages with infantry and cavalry.

All women in their 20s, CASSANDRA, BEATRIX, WINIFRED and ENDOR, dressed in armor, stand at the points of a pentagram. At the fifth point, stands EMPRESS MATHILDA, 40, dressed in royal clothes. They are far enough from the battle to go unnoticed by the combatants. They join hands. Led by Cassandra, completely coordinated, they perform SFX magic.

EXT. BATTLEFIELD – DAY

At the battle itself.

The fighting suddenly changes. Leaders from one side flee. TRABEUS, a man in his 20s desperately tries to rally the losing troops and uses magic. But to no avail. It becomes a massacre. Trabeus narrowly escapes.

SUPER: [15^th century]

Place holder: Cassandra and her coven influence an event. They are now in their mid-40s. There are arguments before Cassandra can assert her dominance. They are successful against Trabeus who is involved on the other side of things and who appears to be on the side of evil.

SUPER: [18^th century]

Place holder: Cassandra and her coven influence an event. They are now in their late 50s. There are significant arguments before Cassandra can assert her dominance. They are successful against Trabeus who is involved on the other side of things and who appears to be on the side of evil.

SUPER: [early 20^th century]

Place holder: Cassandra and her coven go up against Trabeus directly. They all appear in their late 60s. ASTRA, 30s, is now the fifth witch. There is a great deal of discord among the witches. Beatrix argues against killing Trabeus. After argument and negotiation, they agree try to disable him.

They fight Trabeus magically and after a vicious struggle, they place a spell on him, focused through Cassandra, that suppresses the greatest of his powers. Trabeus is gravely wounded and they leave him to die. Beatrix sneaks away from the others and checks on Trabeus. She says a tearful goodbye to him, apologizing for what they have done to him and telling him that she had hoped that he would survive. He’s too wounded to respond. Beatrix has to leave.

There are hard feelings among the witches and they go their separate ways. Beatrix returns to where Trabeus was, but he’s gone. There are evident reasons why his body might be gone leading to the conclusion is that he’s dead.

SUPER: Present Day

INT. SUPERMARKET – DAY

CASSANDRA, 80, pushes a shopping cart through the aisles. She is bored, going through the motions. She can’t reach a can atop a shelf and is angry and frustrated. She fails to get anyone’s attention. Seeing no one else in the aisle, she performs magic (with SFX) and the can flies over her head. Enjoying this little display of power, she makes a few other cans fly around in formation. Suddenly she loses control, and a can hits her on the head and knocks her out. Someone calls an ambulance.

ACT 1

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – NIGHT

Hospital room with two beds. Cassandra lies in one bed; the other is empty. She is festooned with tubes, oxygen, etc. A large bandage is on her head. She awakens from unconsciousness. Bewildered by all the machinery around her, she pulls the sensor off her finger and the heart monitor flatlines. NURSE runs in and calls the doctor.

DOCTOR comes and informs her that while unconscious, they did extensive tests uncovering that she has end stage metastasized cancer and some other bad problems, as well. He doesn’t understand how she could even be alive. She’s very upset that they did all these tests without her consent. Doctor insists she stay in the hospital. She leaves the hospital against medical advice.

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

LIVING ROOM

A small, sparsely furnished living room with no technology other than a land line phone. Cassandra arrives home. She agonizes, then finally gets on the phone and calls Beatrix for the first time in years.

INT. PHYSICS LABORATORY – NIGHT

Beatrix, late 70s, collects data on a device under test. Other PHYSICISTS and ENGINEERS also work feverishly on this clearly critical project, some new weapon tech. Beatrix gets the call and unhappily speaks to Cassandra.

She tries to get out of helping Cassandra. Cassandra begs pathetically. Beatrix reluctantly leaves the lab, irritating her boss. She holds up her cell and tells him he can always get ahold of her if there’s an emergency.

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Cassandra lets Beatrix in. There’s no warm greeting. Beatrix looks at Cassandra’s head with minimal concern. Cassandra, gets right to it. She lies on the couch and tells Beatrix to examine her magically. Beatrix refuses. An argument ensues.

Beatrix agrees, on the condition that it’s the last time. With great effort she holds her hands over Cassandra and performs SFX magic scan.

Beatrix confirms the cancer. She also discovers something else. The remnants of the spell they had cast on Trabeus are there, indicating that Trabeus lives. Beatrix quickly suppresses momentary joy. Cassandra, too, is happy, because now she has a purpose in life. Kill Trabeus.

The spell is weakening in proportion to Cassandra’s weakening condition. Cassandra and Beatrix argue bitterly over what to do. Cassandra: kill – she admits to holding a grudge about something and seeks revenge. Beatrix: leave him alone. Either way, the old spell connects Cassandra with Trabeus.

Beatrix storms out.

ACT 2

EXT. TRABEUS’ NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

An old suburban neighborhood with tall old trees along the street.

TRABEUS, 70s, distinguished and well-dressed, smiling and pleasant, walks along the sidewalk. Everyone he passes happily says hello to him, calling him “Mr. Belmondo”. He helps somebody do something.

Trabeus is accosted by three young thieves. He tries to reason with them. They pull out knives. MARIUS, 40s, a very large man, comes up behind Trabeus, joining him, and stares angrily at the thieves. Thieves are not intimidated; they adopt fighting stances.

Nice car pulls up, [NEED-NAME], 30, a well-dressed good-looking man gets out and joins Trabeus. He approaches the thieves, they back off. They recognize him. He tells them not to bother Trabeus and they run off.

Trabeus turns angry and confronts Need-name. His deal with the gang is they stay out of the neighborhood. Need-name tells him he hasn’t been answering his burner phone and the boss wants to see him, then leaves. Trabeus pulls out the phone and it won’t work. He gives it to Marius who tells him the battery is dead. Another phone rings, Trabeus pulls it out and says he’ll be right there.

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING DOWNTOWN- DAY

Establishing shot. Marius waits in the car. Trabeus enters.

INT. US MARSHAL’S OFFICES – DAY

Trabeus witness protection case officer is very friendly with Trabeus and informs him that she’s being transferred for a promotion. The replacement is an asshole who complains about Trabeus’ association with Marius, who is not actually in the program and who could lead the people Trabeus turned on, to him. Trabeus threatens to leave the program, despite the dangerous criminals that are hunting him and the new case officer takes him up on it.

INT. TRABEUS’ CAR – DAY

Trabeus tells Marius what happened. Marius drives. He is unhappy that Trabeus didn’t discuss it with him first. Trabeus ignores him and tells him to go to the gangster’s house. Marius expresses disapproval about working for the gangster. Trabeus ignores him.

EXT. LOWER CLASS SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

The houses have bars on the windows and doors, etc. Trabeus and Marius enter one.

INT. GANG HEADQUARTERS – DAY

[GANG LEADER], late 30s, speaks disrespectfully to Trabeus, angering Marius. Trabeus does jobs for this man. The job assignment is to find and get information from a rival gang member. By whatever means necessary.

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – DAY

LIVING ROOM

A warm and cozy sitting room with 19^th century style décor.

Marius, a magic apprentice, wants to cast the location spell to find the rival gangster. He can’t get it right. Trabeus loses patience with Marius and belittles him. Trabeus does it himself. He can tell something is going wrong as he casts it but won’t let Marius help. Marius insists that Trabeus has located the wrong man, angering Trabeus.

ACT 3

INT. CASSANDRA’S APARTMENT – DAY

LIVING ROOM

The suppression spell that Cassandra and the coven used on Trabeus connects them and might be used to locate Trabeus if another spell is cast in conjunction with it. Cassandra desperately wants to kill him while he’s still weak and she’s still alive. She does her locating spell wrong, inadvertently interfering with Trabeus’ locating spell, which then goes wrong, leading him to the wrong man. She goes into…

OFFICE

A small bedroom. An old dusty computer sits on a desk. Cassandra tries to find Trabeus on the internet, but gets nowhere. She’s frustrated. She calls Beatrix.

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – NIGHT

BASEMENT

An unfinished basement with a drain in the floor. A chair is attached to a pole. VICTIM, 30s, is tied to the chair. Trabeus tortures the man physically, causing Marius to wince. Trabeus attempts to extract information magically. Everything fails. Marius tries to use magic. He tells Trabeus that this is the wrong man and he knows nothing. They argue intensely, Trabeus loses his temper.

Trabeus lifts a spell he has on Marius that quells his vampire bloodlust. Marius uncontrollably drinks the man’s blood. Marius is furious with Trabeus for allowing him to do such a thing when he’d promised to prevent it. Marius starts to come at Trabeus, but stops. He fears Trabeus.

Trabeus quickly reestablishes the spell. Marius remarks that it took him three days to put that spell on the first time. Trabeus is getting stronger.

ACT 4

INT. GANG HEADQUARTERS – DAY

Gang Leader is furious about his failure to get the information. Trabeus tells him a better way to do what the information would have helped him with. Gang Leader is appeased but still angry with Trabeus and reduces his payment by half. Trabeus, unhappily leaves the house. Marius stays behind to use the bathroom.

Marius discusses with Gang Leader joining the gang. Marius brings many skills to the table and no longer feels safe with Trabeus. Gang Leader says he’ll get back to Marius. Meantime, it’s just between them.

Marius privately prays that his own magic is now strong enough to keep his vampirism suppressed.

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – NIGHT

LIVING ROOM

Trabeus offers to teach Marius a new spell. Marius sees this as reconciliation and is happy. The spell has to do with why Trabeus’ strength is improving by the day.

Marius performs the spell and the result is that the long-term suppression spell on Trabeus is weakening. It allows him to feel the presence of Cassandra, wherever she is. She can feel his presence as well.

Trabeus determines that while Cassandra’s spell is to blame for his failure to find the right guy, he orders Marius to find Beatrix. Marius questions this.

Trabeus reveals to Marius that he had once loved Beatrix and still does. Trabeus can’t try to magically connect with Beatrix without alerting Cassandra to his whereabouts. Trabeus knows that Beatrix will look for him on the internet. So, he orders Marius to lay some clues for Beatrix on the internet – something Trabeus is not capable of doing.

Trabeus eagerly wants to find Beatrix before Cassandra finds him. Cassandra and her coven have repeatedly foiled his attempts to rid the world of injustice. He senses her weakness and feels the best course of action is to avoid her at all cost – until she dies.

But with this new threat, he will have to accelerate other plans.

OFFICE

Marius sits at a well-appointed computer table holding a first-class computer set up and works confidently and expertly.

ACT 5

INT. BEATRIX’S OFFICE – DAY

A very modern office with a window. Beatrix sits at a computer feverishly working. She searches for her old love online.

Beatrix speaks to Cassandra on the phone. Cassandra has sensed the murder Trabeus committed and tells Beatrix. That gives Beatrix her first clue to find Trabeus (the murder made local news).

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – DAY

OFFICE

Marius, working through the night, finds what he’s looking for. He opens a dialog window. In it, he greets Beatrix, posing as Mr. Belmondo.

INT. BEATRIX’S OFFICE – DAY

A dialog window opens on Beatrix’s screen. She is being contacted by a Mr. Belmondo. “Mr. Belmondo” implies that he’s Trabeus and reveals some information that only Trabeus could know. Beatrix is very excited. Mr. Belmondo proposes a live meeting in a hotel in a town several hours away. Beatrix goes to her boss to beg for leave for a few days.

INT. BEATRIX’S APARTMENT – DAY

BEDROOM

Nice comfortable bedroom. Beatrix feverishly packs a bag.

Cassandra calls Beatrix to see how far she’s gotten. Beatrix tells her she’s been unsuccessful and will let her know as soon as she finds anything.

Beatrix gets in her car and drives away.

INT. TRABEUS’ HOUSE – DAY

OFFICE

Trabeus pops his head in and informs Marius he’s going out. Trabeus is dressed casually but elegantly. Marius insists that he should drive, but Trabeus orders him to keep working.

EXT. LOWER CLASS SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

Trabeus parks in front of gang headquarters. Some local toughs eye his nice car. Trabeus, cocky, puts a spell SFX on the car. He goes into the house. The toughs touch the car which shocks them with painful sparks. They go away.

INT. GANG HEADQUARTERS – DAY

BACK YARD

There is a large grill where Gang Leader cooks meat. There are tubs filled with ice and beer. GANGSTERS and their GIRLFRIENDS party. Trabeus, clearly unexpected is confronted by two GANG MEMBERS. Gang Leader sees Trabeus and calls them off. He waves Trabeus over.

Need-Name approaches and hands Trabeus a cold one. Gang Leader fixes a hamburger for Trabeus and Trabeus goes off with Need Name to a picnic bench to eat. He privately informs Need Name that plans have changed and he should be ready to take over the gang, as planned. Need-Name is worried and doesn’t think it’s a good idea for Trabeus to murder Gang Leader out in the open with everyone to see. Trabeus assures him that he has a hunch Gang Leader isn’t as healthy as he looks.

Trabeus turns and looks at Gang Leader. Trabeus magically focusses on Gang Leader with SFX. No one else can sense the magic except for GANG LEADER 2, a lieutenant of Gang Leader. Gang Leader 2 doesn’t know what he’s seeing but watches closely.

Gang Leader clutches his head and falls to the ground. An ambulance is called, but he is dead.

Need Name takes charge and most of the gang goes along, informally accepting him as the new leader.

The barbecue breaks up and Girlfriends and most of the Gangsters leave. Need Name calls a meeting of the leadership in the house. Everyone goes inside including Trabeus.

Gang Leader 2 insists that Trabeus leave and Need Name says he can stay. Several Gangsters back Gang Leader 2. A fight between Gang Leader 2 and Need Name erupts.

Trabeus with magic SFX tries to help Need Name, but his magic won’t work on Gang Leader 2, who can actually see it. Gang Leader 2 punches Need Name. There is a magic SFX in the punch. Need Name drops top the floor, dead. Gang Leader 2 takes over. He orders Trabeus to leave.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 9

Marcus’ Setting up the Future

What I learned doing this assignment was another group of things to look for that could be used to make the pilot more interesting. In truth, at this point, there was so much in there already, that when I listed all the things I wanted to add in to set up the future, much of it was already there. I found one or two to add in though.

Here’s what I found and used:

Beatrix is a brilliant physicist who will later use that knowledge.

Beatrix secretly loves Trabeus.

Trabeus loves her back.

The internet is as important as magic.

Marius is a vampire.

Marius hates being a vampire.

Marius is mad at Trabeus and decides to capture Beatrix and hold her hostage.

Marius will betray Trabeus.

Why is Cassandra so obsessed? No one else is.

Cassandra will seek a powerful spell that may not even be real.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 8

Marcus Adds
Empathy/Distress!

What I learned from this assignment is to keep pushing. This is yet another step in making sure that absolutely nothing in the outline is boring or ordinary.

I found several places where some changes could be made to add in more empathy/distress. At first I didn’t think I’d be able to, but I found the places it would work.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 7

Marcus’ Open Loops and Mysteries

What I learned from this assignment is yet another way to add to the complexity and interest of the pilot outline.

While doing this assignment I found quite a few mysteries and open-loops to add to my pilot. I added them to my outline, which is now getting pretty confusing-looking. But here is a definite direction to it.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 6

Subject: Marcus Stacks Intrigue

What I learned doing this assignment is a good turning point can be amplified by setting it up with intrigue. We have to look for ways to do this. As usual, Hal makes it sound easy to do. It ain’t always so easy. But knowing you have to do it makes your writing purposeful and can yield better results.

Act 1:

Mystery: Beatrix and Cassandra argue vigorously over just how dangerous Trabeus is. Cassandra can’t understand why Beatrix appears to be defending Trabeus. Cassandra says it’s not the first time, either, but Beatrix denies it.

Secret: Beatrix can only do limited magic anymore and with enormous effort. This is the real reason she’s turned to science. She is reluctant to let Cassandra see her magical weakness.

Wound: Cassandra admits that some of her reason for hating Trabeus is personal but won’t elaborate. She holds a grudge and wants revenge.

Hidden Agenda: Beatrix advises Cassandra to stop using magic because she has become a danger to herself. But Beatrix doesn’t want Cassandra to find Trabeus before she does because she’s in love with him. Cassandra can’t know this.

Hidden Layer: There was always a balance of power that kept Cassandra and the coven from being able to destroy Trabeus. But now that everyone is weaker, it might be done. Cassandra thinks she may have a way to get an edge.

Hidden Layer2: Beatrix had always secretly helped Trabeus. This will be seen in the Teaser.

<div>

Turning
Point: During her magical examination, Beatrix also finds that Cassandra’s
weakening state (i.e., old age) has caused her old – yet still active – suppression
spell on Trabeus to weaken. Cassandra believes Trabeus is fundamentally a criminal
who wants to rule the world. Since the spell was cast, Trabeus was believed
to have died. Now they know he’s alive somewhere. And the spell connects
them to him, but especially Cassandra. She and Beatrix argue over what to
do about it.
</div><div>

</div>

Act 2:

Mystery: Why does Trabeus want to keep Marius under his control so badly that he elects to leave the witness protection program? Partly because he feels his magic returning and gets cocky, but there’s more.

Mystery2: Marius unhappily works for Trabeus and does magic for him that Trabeus can’t do. He appears more powerful than Trabeus, yet fears Trabeus.

Mystery3: After turning on the last gangsters he worked for, he goes to work for local gangsters even while in witness protection.

Intrigue: Trabeus feels the spell on him from Cassandra and the coven weakening. His own power is increasing because of this. He happily tells Marius, but Marius doesn’t seem happy about it, in fact, he seems frightened.

Secret Identity: Trabeus believes that he can rule the world, and can remove injustice. With his power coming back, he resumes his long-abandoned work on a world domination spell.

Secret: Trabeus became disillusioned with politics after being betrayed by more than one King he supported. We will see this in the teaser. He has decided that moving up in the world via the world of crime was the only viable path to world domination. He wants to start by taking over a local gang. His first try at this didn’t go so well.

<div>
Turning
Point: Trabeus and Marius are called to meet with a local gang leader they
do independent jobs for. Trabeus is working from the inside to protect his
neighborhood from the gangster and plans to take him out when the time is
right. The job assignment is to find and get information from a rival gang
member. Unbeknownst to anyone but Marius, Trabeus is magical. He casts a
location spell to find the rival gangster.</div><div>

</div>

Act 3:

Intriguing world: As Trabeus’ magic returns, Marius advises Trabeus to take it slowly and continue to leave the magic to him, but Trabeus insists on using his own, growing magical power to find the target of their search. Marius, fascinated, admits that how Trabeus casts this spell is far superior to the way he would have done it.

Mystery: Despite his admiration of Trabeus’ seeking spell, Marius contends that they have found the wrong man. Trabeus insists that his seeking spell is infallible, but is nevertheless troubled by Marius’ certainty.

Hidden Agenda: One reason Marius has stayed with Trabeus was to learn to do more powerful magic.

Wound: Marius hates the horrible things Trabeus makes him do. During the interrogation, Marius’ goal is to get information without seriously hurting the target individual. Trabeus allows him to take the lead in the interrogation but joins in unexpectedly and unintentionally fatally.

Accusation: Marius believes Trabeus killed the target intentionally. He is furious.

Mystery: How could an infallible spell fail?

<div>
Turning
Point/Midpoint: With Marius’ help, Trabeus tortures and murders an
innocent man because of Cassandra’s botched spell.
</div><div>

</div>

Act 4:

Mystery: Trabeus determines that Cassandra’s spell is to blame for his failure to find the right guy. Trabeus orders Marius to find Beatrix, rather than Cassandra. Marius questions this.

Secret: Trabeus reveals to Marius that he had once loved Beatrix and still does.

<div>
Turning
Point: Trabeus eagerly wants to find Beatrix before Cassandra finds him.
Plus, he knows she will help him. But Trabeus can’t try to magically
connect with Beatrix without alerting Cassandra to his whereabouts. Knowing
Beatrix will look for Trabeus, he orders Marius to lay some clues for Beatrix
on the internet – something Trabeus is not capable of doing.
</div><div>

</div>

Act 5:

Intriguing World: Marius and Beatrix leave the realm of magic and delve into the complexities of the internet.

Deception: Marius is clever with the clues he feeds to Beatrix on the internet. She eagerly follows these clues unaware of Marius’ interventions.

Mystery: Beatrix eventually realizes that someone is intervening in her search, but doesn’t know who.

Hidden Agenda: Beatrix is desperate to find Trabeus to be with him and to defend him against Cassandra. She wants to end the conflict between Trabeus and her coven (read: Cassandra) once and for all, so she can be with him openly.

Deception: Beatrix lies to Cassandra about her progress seeking Trabeus.

Intrigue: Trabeus feels besieged, working against the gang leader on one side and planning a defense against Cassandra on the other. Something has to give. He must focus on one at a time.

Hidden Agenda: Trabeus had been working on helping a pliable member of the gang become the gang leader’s successor. Someone he could control. This one wasn’t really ready, yet, but Trabeus’ time has run out.

Turning
Point: Trabeus must find a way to defend himself against Cassandra, who he
knows will come for him. Trabeus decides to accelerate his plans to kill
the gang leader. Gang leader is promptly replaced by someone worse, who
has latent magical abilities he’s as yet unaware of.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 5

Subject: Marcus’ Layers and Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment is essentially show, don’t tell. I already knew it, but I had never thought to purposely add it into the script (outline).

I found quite a number of places where an ordinary action could be transformed into a reveal in all of my pilot acts, including the teaser.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 4

Subject: Marcus’ Character Story Lines

What I learned doing this assignment is the next step in outlining the pilot script. As we learned in module 1, each character has to have its own story and not just show up where needed in the overarching story line. This is how to merge character and main story, resulting in engaging and meaningful character development within the big picture.

C = Cassandra

T = Trabeus

B = Beatrix

M = Marius

Teaser:

· Essence: A montage of brief episodes from the past (beginning in the 12^th century) moving toward the present. Cassandra and her coven start as young, beautiful and powerful, involved in battles, royal courts, boardrooms, etc. influencing outcomes with magic, as a team. Trabeus is frequently involved on the other side of things from them. They age slowly as time passes. By the early 1900s, they appear late middle aged, are not getting along too well with each other and aren’t anywhere as important as previously.

· Turning Point: Fade to the present, where Cassandra is elderly and alone. She uses magic in a grocery store to get an item from a top shelf she can’t reach. She does it poorly. A number of items fall to the floor. Something hits her head and she faints. An ambulance comes.

· C-b – Alone and going through the motions. She barely cares what happens.

Act 1:

Essence:
After an exhaustive battery of medical tests in the hospital, Cassandra’s
doctor informs her she has late-stage cancer and should already be dead.
Cassandra goes home and calls Beatrix to come diagnose her with magic. Beatrix
confirms the disease but can’t cure it magically.

· C-tp – She discovers that she has a terminal uncurable illness.

· B-b – Happily working as a physicist for a government contractor.

· B-tp – Gets an urgent call from Cassandra to help her with a medical problem. She reluctantly uses magic on Cassandra for old times’ sake.

Turning
Point: During her magical examination, Beatrix also finds that Cassandra’s
weakening state has caused one of her old – yet still active – spells to
weaken. This spell’s purpose was to suppress the magical power of an old
enemy Trabeus. Cassandra believes Trabeus is fundamentally criminal and wants
to rule the world. Since the spell was cast, Trabeus was believed to have
died. Now Cassandra knows he’s alive somewhere. And the spell connects
them.

· C-m – With Beatrix’s help she also discovers that she is connected to an old enemy. Now she has purpose. Find and kill Trabeus.

Act 2:

Essence: Trabeus
is a kindly old man, beloved in his neighborhood. He’s also in witness protection.
His case officer complains about his association with a suspected
criminal, Marius. Trabeus asks to leave the program, despite the dangerous
criminals that are hunting him.

· T-b –Works his plan to protect his neighborhood by working for the local gangster with the intent of ruining the gang from the inside.

· T-tp – His case officer for witness protection, not knowing about the gangsters, orders him to stop associating with Marius. A heated exchange ensues.

· T-m – Trabeus leaves the witness protection program.

<div>
M-b – A
morose individual, Marius is Trabeus’ steward and driver. Trabeus ignores
Marius’ unhappiness.
M-tp – Trabeus
does not consult Marius about quitting witsec. Marius fears the people
that are hunting for him and Trabeus, who he and Trabeus ratted on to get
into witsec to begin with. Trabeus won’t discuss it with Marius.
Turning
Point: Trabeus and Marius are called to meet with a local gang leader they
do independent jobs for. Trabeus is working from the inside to protect his
neighborhood from the gangster and plans to take him out when the time is
right. The job assignment is to find and get information from a rival gang
member. Unbeknownst to anyone but Marius, Trabeus is magical. He casts a
location spell to find the rival gangster.
</div><div>

</div>

Act 3:

Essence: The old
spell that Cassandra used on Trabeus connects them and it might be used to
locate Trabeus if another spell is cast in conjunction with it. Cassandra desperately
wants to kill him before she dies. She does her locating spell wrong, inadvertently
causing Trabeus’ locating spell to go wrong, which then leads him to the
wrong man.

· C-tp2 – Cassandra can’t locate Trabeus magically and she’s no good with the internet. Trabeus lives in witness protection, making it almost impossible to find him.

<div>
Turning
Point/Midpoint: With Marius’ help, Trabeus tortures and murders an
innocent man because of Cassandra’s botched spell.
</div><div>

</div>

Act 4:

Essence:
Trabeus kills the wrong guy. His gangster boss is furious about his
failure.

· C-mc – Cassandra orders Beatrix to find Trabeus for her. Beatrix argues against renewing an ancient conflict. She doubts that Trabeus is capable of conquering the world. She and Cassandra fight about it. She reluctantly agrees to help, but has her own agenda.

T-tp2 –
Trabeus murders the wrong guy. He realizes that Cassandra is to blame, that
she knows he’s alive, and that she will start hunting him. reports his
failure to the gang leader and the gang leader threatens Trabeus that he
has one more chance and better get it right this time, stat.

· T-mc –Trabeus’ plan to destroy the gang includes replacing the current leader with someone more pliable. Trabeus accelerates his plan to groom this one.

· M-m – Marius sees Trabeus’ magic improving greatly as Cassandra’s spell on him weakens. Marius, nervous about it, secretly meets with the gang leader to discuss joining the gang, where he will feel safer and appreciated.

· B-m – Cassandra asks Beatrix to find Trabeus on the internet without magic.

Turning
Point: Trabeus reveals to Marius that he had once loved Beatrix. He
eagerly wants to find her before Cassandra finds him. Plus, he knows she
will help him. But Trabeus can’t try to magically connect with Beatrix
without alerting Cassandra to his whereabouts. So, he orders Marius to lay
some clues for Beatrix on the internet – something Trabeus is not capable
of doing.

· M-tp2 – Trabeus enlists Marius’ help to find Beatrix and to keep Cassandra away. Marius starts to see some possibilities for getting free of Trabeus’ rule.

· M-mc – During the interrogation of the wrong guy, Marius repeatedly implores Trabeus to let the guy go. Marius senses that he’s innocent and knows nothing. Trabeus ignores Marius, as usual. Trabeus, whose magic is getting stronger and stronger puts a spell on top of the one Marius uses which kills the guy. Marius is quietly furious.

Act 5:

Essence: Beatrix,
knowing that Trabeus isn’t dead, searches for her old love online. Cassandra
senses the atrocity Trabeus has committed and tells Beatrix. That gives
Beatrix the first clue to finding Trabeus (the atrocity made local news). Marius
plants clues to help Beatrix find him. Cassandra wants her to find Trabeus
and she wants to find Trabeus, but for different reasons.

· B-mc – Now knowing that Trabeus still alive, Beatrix wants to find him, but does not want Cassandra to know where he is. She is torn between loyalty to Cassandra and love for Trabeus.

· C-e –Reinvigorated and purposeful, Cassandra seeks an old enemy to do one last great deed – kill him. She knows she must reunite her coven for the fight.

B-e – Searching
for Trabeus online, she starts finding clues that she determines are being
planted for her. She starts searching for whomever is laying these clues.
Turning
Point: Marius is clever with the clues he feeds to Beatrix on the internet.
Beatrix lies to Cassandra about her progress seeking Trabeus. Trabeus must
find a way to defend himself against Cassandra, who he knows will come for
him. Trabeus is forced to accelerate his plans to kill the gang leader. He
is promptly replaced by someone worse who has latent magical abilities
he’s as yet unaware of.
T-e – With
his magical strength steadily coming back he’s able to surreptitiously
magically murder the gang leader. He is not strong enough to put into
power the person he’d hoped to replace the other gang leader with.
M-e – Marius
decides to betray Trabeus by leading Beatrix to himself and then holding
her hostage for his freedom.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 3

Marcus’ Pilot Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is the structure of a TV episode and a pilot in particular. Accomplishing this will also cause me to have to rewrite parts of my Pitch Bible.

Teaser:

<div>
Essence:
After an exhaustive battery of medical tests in a hospital, Cassandra’s
doctor tells her she has late-stage cancer and should already be dead.
Cassandra calls Beatrix to her home to cure her with magic.</div><div>

</div><div>

Turning
Point: Beatrix confirms the disease but can’t cure it magically. During
her magical examination, Beatrix also finds that Cassandra’s weakening
state has caused one of her old spells to weaken – a spell which suppresses
the magical power of an old enemy, Trabeus. Trabeus was supposed to be
dead, but now Cassandra knows he’s alive and active somewhere.

</div><div>

</div>

Act 1:

<div>
Essence: Trabeus
is a kindly old man, beloved in his neighborhood. He’s also in witness
protection. His case officer complains about his association with a
suspected criminal, Marius. Trabeus asks to leave the program, despite the
dangerous criminals that are hunting him.</div><div>

</div><div>

Turning
Point: Trabeus and Marius are called to a local gang leader they do independent
jobs for. Trabeus is working from the inside to protect his neighborhood
from the gangster. The job assignment is to find and get information from
a rival gang member. Unbeknownst to anyone but Marius, Trabeus is magical
and casts a location spell to find the rival gangster.

</div><div>

</div>

Act 2:

<div>
Essence: The old
spell that Cassandra had used on Trabeus connects them and might be used
to locate Trabeus if another spell is cast along with it. Cassandra desperately
wants to kill him before she dies. She does her locating spell wrong, inadvertently
causing Trabeus’ locating spell to go wrong which then leads him to the
wrong man.</div><div>

</div><div>

Turning
Point/Midpoint: Trabeus tortures and murders an innocent man because of
Cassandra’s botched spell.

</div><div>

</div>

Act 3:

<div>
Essence:
Trabeus, with Marius’ help, finally realizes he killed the wrong guy. He
also realizes Cassandra is to blame, she knows he’s alive and she will
start hunting him. His gangster boss is furious about his failure. Trabeus
is forced to accelerate his plans and murders the gang leader. He is promptly
replaced by someone worse. And he has latent magical abilities he’s as yet
unaware of.</div><div>

</div><div>

Turning
Point: Trabeus reveals to Marius that he had once loved Beatrix. If he
finds her before Cassandra finds him, she will help him. But Trabeus can’t
try to magically connect with Beatrix without alerting Cassandra to his
whereabouts. So, he orders Marius to lay some clues for Beatrix on the
internet – something Trabeus is not capable of doing.

Act 4:

Essence: Beatrix,
knowing that Trabeus isn’t dead, searches for her old love online. Cassandra
senses the atrocity Trabeus has committed and tells Beatrix. That gives
Beatrix the first clue to finding Trabeus (the crime made local news). Then
she finds other clues (planted by Marius). Cassandra wants her to find
Trabeus and she wants to find Trabeus, but for different reasons.</div><div>

</div><div>

Turning
Point: Marius, unhappy with Trabeus, decides to lead Beatrix directly to
himself and use her as a hostage to gain his freedom from Trabeus. He is
clever with the clues he feeds her. She lies to Cassandra about her
progress seeking Trabeus.

</div><div>

Act 5:

Essence:
Cassandra knows she must reunite her old coven and needs to find them.</div><div>

</div><div>

Lock In: Trabeus
must find a way to defend himself against Cassandra, who he knows will
come for him, and this new gang leader, who could become seriously
dangerous.

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 2

Marcus’ Amazing Inciting Incident

What I learned doing this assignment is fundamental structure for episode 1 of the show.

Intriguing Concept: Old age and modern technology have presented problems for the witches that they never expected. Each pursues her or his unique way of coping.

Act 1: Trabeus is a nice old man about the neighborhood by day, and contract killer to gangsters by night. Cassandra is lonely and purposeless in the 21^st century and discovers she hasn’t long to live.

Midpoint: Trabeus tortures and murders an innocent man because of a botched spell his enemy, Cassandra put on him (from afar). He must find a way to defend himself against Cassandra. Cassandra must reunite her coven and find and kill Trabeus.

Lock in: Cassandra has begun her hunt for Trabeus and her quest to reunite her defunct coven. Trabeus must find a way to defend himself against Cassandra and her coven as well as the new leader of the gang he works for.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 1

Marcus’ Big Picture Components

What I learned doing this assignment is a new way to begin creating a treatment for a TV show. This is a much different process than I’m used to, coming from a screenplay writer’s perspective. It looks to me that it could be a powerful tool. But it’s harder than it looks!

SERIES INFO:

<div>
World: Ancient witches try to rid the
world of evil – as they see it – in the 21^st century.</div><div>

Main mystery: Is eternal youth the
answer to all their problems?

Impossible Goal: Why does Cassandra
hate Trabeus so much and so obsessively?

Main Conflict: Cassandra’s
long-standing grudge against Trabeus.

Second Mystery: How can the coven
reunite when each has such serious problems?

Season 1 Arc: From Cassandra rediscovering
her ancient enemy, Trabeus, to locating all her coven mates and getting
involved in their horrible problems.

Season 1 Protagonists Internal
Journeys: Cassandra lonely and purposeless to reuniting with her coven and
getting wrapped up in their terrible problems. Trabeus unlocking part of a
malevolent spell on himself to bad entanglements with local gangster and
hiding from an ancient enemy.

</div><div>

</div>

PILOT INFO:

<div>
Pilot Conflict: Trabeus causes an
atrocity due to the meddling of Cassandra.</div><div>

Characters Introduced: Trabeus,
Cassandra, Beatrix, Marius, unnamed gangster, others?

Inciting Incident of Season 1:
Trabeus finally removes part of a restraining spell which arch-enemy Cassandra
put on him but which unintentionally reconnects them.

</div>

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Visually Appealing Bible

I learned the value of proper artwork in a pitch bible.

I only used one picture, though.

I am VERY INTERESTED in having classmates critique my pitch bible. PLEASE contact me if you are at all interested. And of course, I’ll be HAPPY to look at yours for you!

I’ve been following the class’ work in the forum and I think there’s some very cool ideas there. I’d really be interested in reading other bibles. I’ve been a member of a screenplay critique group for several years. I know how to critique and I know how to take criticism. Please don’t be shy! This is the purpose of this forum.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Edited TV Pitch Bible

This lesson gave me a structured, step-by-step way to edit without missing anything. Instead of going through the text and doing general editing, it makes sense to focus on one aspect of editing, get that completed, then move on.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ Episode Titles

I learned a good way to come up with interesting and relevant titles. In the past, I’ve unknowingly used some of these methods to find titles, but this will make it very much easier going forward.

Some of my titles still need a bit of work, but I was surprised how much easier it was with a guide to create them with:

Show Title: Modern Witchcraft

Episode 1: Love Thine Enemy…Then Kill Him

Episode 2: Leaders and Misleaders

Episode 3: Race for the Fountain of Youth

Episode 4: Old Friends and Their New Enemies

Episode 5: Where the Other Half Live

Episode 6: When Zombies Run Scared

Episode 7: The Hideous and the Blind

Episode 8: Rabbit Hole Revisited

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Presents Non-Stop Intrigue

I learned from this lesson a very good method to do a rewrite. Going into a rewrite with a specific goal in mind for that rewrite leads to better results than just trying to make random improvements.

This process, which I should probably do yet another time, has really punched up my bible. At this point ist’s become a reasonably good overall picture of the series I want to create.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’s Intrigue Patterns

I learned a good way to make writing less vague and more interesting.

The sentence I found was, “Trabeus is an ancient sorcerer with many deep secrets.”

Using the methods of improving intrigue, I replaced it with, “Trabeus is a kindly old man who everyone in the
neighborhood loves. No one knows he’s in witness protection. Or that he’s a
contractor to a local gang. And only his magical indentured servant, Marius,
knows that he’s a powerful sorcerer.”

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’s TV Pitch Bible Investigation

In this lesson, I learned a good way to do a real rewrite.

I used the tools to find some new and useful material for the Episodes section. I found that digging deeper worked the best for me here and used it on every episode.

I also used it on the Seasons section, but that part is still a bit weak. Some work remains to be done.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 6

Subject: Marcus’s show Summary

What I learned doing this assignment is another piece of the Pitch Bible puzzle.

Trabeus is a kindly old man who everyone in the neighborhood loves. No one knows he’s in witness protection. Or that he’s a contractor to a local gang. And only his henchman, Marius, knows that he is a powerful sorcerer. Trabeus has infiltrated the gang to stop their activities and protect his neighborhood – without the Feds, this time. Marius, a magical indentured servant, wants his long overdue freedom.

Elderly retired witch, Cassandra, feels useless and incompetent in the 21st century. Her spiraling life crisis suddenly comes to a halt. Her archenemy, Trabeus, has partially undone a spell she cast on him many years before. Now it tugs at her. In an effort to locate the evil Trabeus, she uses the spell’s connection to him, but does it badly. Now she’s got a purpose in life, final destruction of Trabeus. It will be her last great contribution to the world. Cassandra has a terminal disease that can’t be cured with medicine or magic. Except for one dark and dangerous spell.

Trabeus, using infallible magic, locates a rival gang member he’s been ordered to interrogate. But he finds, tortures and kills an innocent man. Devastated, he figures out what happened and he knows Cassandra will be after him. Witness protection will slow her down. The fact that his atrocity makes all the local papers will help her – if she can figure out the internet. The fact that her magical connection to him is a two-way street might help him defend himself.

Yet Trabeus is excited by the imminent renewal of hostilities with Cassandra. His old secret lover, Beatrix, is a member of Cassandra’s coven and will surely be assigned to find Trabeus. They can finally be together. Marius may have something to say about that. He lures her and intercepts her on her way to her reunion with long-lost Trabeus.

[Marcus Wolf]

Subject line: Marcus’s Episode Descriptions

What I learned doing this assignment was the next step in writing episode descriptions. I had questions about some things. Hopefully, I guessed the right answers.

Episode 1:

Trabeus, contractor to a local gangster, captures a rival gang member and tortures him for information, both physically and with infallible truth magic. The man dies in agony giving up nothing. Trabeus learns that he had the wrong man – an innocent “civilian”. Stymied, Trabeus finds that he’s infested with an old spell linking him to Cassandra.

Cassandra, seeking her old enemy, had incorrectly cast a spell that temporarily confused Trabeus’ magical senses, causing his mistake. But his atrocity makes his local newspapers. Cassandra, terrible with the internet, calls on Beatrix to help. Beatrix, a member of the coven, is secretly in love with Trabeus and now knows he’s still alive.

Episode 2:

Cassandra wants to resume her ancient war with Trabeus who lives in witness protection. Difficult to find. She trusts Beatrix to find the town where the atrocity happened. She orders Beatrix to help her reconstitute the coven for the upcoming fight.

Trabeus, knowing that Cassandra is hunting him, also knows that he might now reunite with Beatrix. He can’t seek her without alerting Cassandra, so he orders his henchman, Marius to quietly locate her. But Marius is disgruntled and this is his opportunity to get back at Trabeus.

Episode 3:

Cassandra knows two things: She’s getting too old to fight and her coven mates (also old) have lives they are reluctant to put on hold. The answer is to find the fabled Puer Aeternum (eternal youth) spell. And it takes some special magic to even find a spell like that – if it even exists.

Trabeus, unable to unlink himself from Cassandra yet, accordingly knows of her search for Puer Aeternum. He can’t actively interfere without revealing himself, but he must seek Puer Aeternum on his own. It’s a race.

Episode 4:

Beatrix reports to Cassandra that their former coven mates each have serious problems that Cassandra will have to help with. Astra is in prison. Endor and her Voodoo boyfriend have created a zombie and it escaped, and Winifred, worst of all, has opened a portal to a deep netherworld and has become mercilessly entangled with a creature.

Cassandra visits Winifred and finds her deathly ill. Cassandra tries to nurse her, but Winifred inexplicably throws her out. Cassandra spies on her and sees the creature, Nightblue, but doesn’t know what it is. It merges with Winifred and she becomes young.

Episode 5:

Cassandra redoubles her efforts to uncover Puer Aeternum. She has a breakthrough, but only half the spell materializes, puzzling her deeply. Cassandra knows her own history of mishandling big spells and starts over. She doesn’t know that Trabeus intercepted it and stole the other half of the spell.

Marius surreptitiously plants clues for Beatrix to find on the internet and she narrows her search for Trabeus to three towns. She packs her bags and hits the road. And doesn’t inform Cassandra.

Episode 6:

Beatrix has disappeared. Cassandra desperately needs help figuring out what she did wrong finding Puer Aeternum and on what Winifred has gotten herself wrapped up with. She travels to Louisiana to find the brilliant and powerful Endor.

Endor’s boyfriend, Jean St. Mark, won’t let Cassandra in. Cassandra hears Endor sobbing inside the house and angrily barges in. Endor is blind drunk and babbling. Jean furiously insists that Cassandra leave and won’t reveal what’s going on except to say that Endor should have told him who the cadaver was that they used to raise the zombie.

Episode 7:

Cassandra, trying to help Endor, goes to town and searches for the zombie who is called Deathsong. She finds the hideous Deathsong in a back alley defending a blind homeless man against would-be thieves. Deathsong is powerful and kills both men in the fight.

Cassandra recognizes Deathsong as Endor’s long-dead daughter. She tries to convince Deathsong to return to Endor. The police come and Deathsong flees. Cassandra is arrested for murder.

Episode 8:

Cassandra fabricates a story and magically convinces the police of it, but not well enough to get the charges dropped. The judge releases her without bail, though. Deathsong has vanished and Endor won’t talk to her.

Winifred then surprises Cassandra asking for help. Cassandra hurries there to find a young, healthy and beautiful Winifred (inhabited by Nightblue). Another creature, Twilightgreen is there. Winifred apologizes profusely and Twilightgreen absorbs itself into Cassandra’s body and takes control.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 4

Subject line: Marcus’s Episode List Rough Draft

Season Beginning: With no meaningful purpose in the modern world, the coven has split up. Each pursues her private quest, be it dark arts, voodoo, or crime. Cassandra seeks long-gone enemy Trabeus and casts a poorly done spell on him.

Season Ending: Working apart, each witch has created a disaster that she can’t clean up on her own. Trabeus locates part of a powerful dark spell that Cassandra desperately wants and holds it hostage. Cassandra must get the coven back together.

Mystery 1 Set Up: Trabeus, using infallible magic, locates a rival gang member who he’s been ordered to interrogate. But he finds, tortures and kills an innocent man.

Mystery 1 Solved: Cassandra, trying to find Trabeus, cast a spell that interfered with Trabeus’ magic. The resulting crime made headlines that Cassandra uses to find him.

Mystery 2: What is the real reason for Cassandra’s obsessive hatred of Trabeus? Trabeus wants to save the world.

Mystery 3: Winifred has brought the creature Nightblue into our world. Using Nightblue is addictive. How dangerous is it?

Cassandra seeks both Trabeus and a fabled ancient spell to restore youth. She creates a magical connection to Trabeus but can’t find his location. That magical connection goes both ways and allows Trabeus to find part of the spell and keep it from Cassandra.

Layer 1: Trabeus is a kindly old man who everyone in the neighborhood knows and loves. No one knows he’s in witness protection.

Layer 2: He is secretly a contractor to a local gang.

Layer 3: He has infiltrated this gang to stop their activities and protect his neighborhood.

Layer 4: Trabeus commits an atrocity. Devastated and puzzled, he blames the gang leader for his mistake.

Layer 5: Trabeus discovers Cassandra is to blame.

Layer 6: Beatrix, a member of the coven, is secretly in love with Trabeus and has secretly undermined Cassandra’s efforts against Trabeus for years.

Layer 7: Endor is ashamed of her creation of and treatment of Deathsong (a zombie) and doesn’t want Cassandra to find out. She betrays Cassandra and seeks help from Trabeus.

Main Story Line – Trabeus’ life of crime and Cassandra’s obsession with finding him.

Story line 2 – Endor and Jean St. Mark raise Endor’s daughter from the dead.

Story Line 3 – Winifred opens a portal to a dangerous underworld and unleashes a creature from it.

Story Line 4 – Astra, working with a mysterious associate, is thrown in prison protecting the associate. There she starts a new coven.

Story Line 5 – Stewart, a surf bum, barely hides his horrific PTSD and can’t find a way out.

Story Line 6 – Beatrix, who’s abandoned magic for physics, learns that her secret lover Trabeus is still alive and goes in search of him.

Episode 1: Trabeus commits an atrocity, caused by Cassandra. Endor wants a zombie.

· Cassandra casts an incorrectly done spell on Trabeus who then, under orders from his mob boss, mistakenly tortures and murders an innocent person.

· Trabeus, in witness protection, is popular in his neighborhood. He secretly contracts for gangsters.

· As an added benefit, Trabeus’ new identity hides him from Cassandra.

· Endor lives with Jean St. Mark, a Voodoo Priest, and wants to learn how to raise a zombie. He resists strenuously, it’s dangerous magic.

· Stewart is the local surf shop burnout. His PTSD is destroying him. He doesn’t love his girlfriend, won’t let her help him, so she leaves him.

Episode 2: Winifred has an unnatural relationship with Nightblue. Cassandra works to reunite the coven to fight Trabeus.

· Jean St. Mark is in love, as well as vain about his powers, and Endor is relentless. He believes that if he can convert her to Voodoo, she will stop her sacrilegious magical practices.

· Stewart spends days in a drunken stupor. His apprentice in the shop rips him off.

· Winfred, lonely and ancient, dabbles in dark magic and opens a portal to The Deep. Nightblue comes through. Nightblue can enter Winifred’s ancient body and restore her youth and strength, but exerts control over her. With Nightblue, she does unsavory things. Nightblue, becomes an addiction.

· Cassandra wants to resume her ancient war with Trabeus who she believes wants to enslave the world. Cassandra must re-form her old coven. But they have problems of their own and no serious problem with Trabeus.

· Beatrix works in a physics lab and wants nothing more to do with magic. Cassandra won’t leave her alone about it. Beatrix agrees to help Cassandra re-form the coven for old times’ sake.

· Trabeus misses Beatrix with whom he had a secret affair years ago and renewed war will give him a way to be with her again.

Episode 3: Endor terrifies her new zombie. Cassandra seeks an ancient dark spell.

· The cadaver Endor supplies to Jean St. Mark was Endor’s daughter. The hideous zombie is called Deathsong. Deathsong recognizes Endor. Endor is horrified and frightens Deathsong, who runs away.

· Stewart returns to work and breaks defective boards his apprentice made. They fight, Stewart beats him senseless, then partially heals him with magic.

· Astra, a happy-go-lucky spirit, commits a crime with an “associate” who throws her under the bus, landing Astra in prison.

· Marius, Trabeus’ henchman, grows unhappy. Trabeus takes him for granted.

· Secretly, Beatrix hopes to reunite with her old clandestine lover, Trabeus, while protecting him from the coven.

· Cassandra needs to overcome her age problems and entice her coven, so she seeks the fabled Puer Aeternum (eternal youth) spell.

Episode 4: Endor must save Deathsong from the world. Stewart tries therapy. Astra starts her own coven.

· Endor is devastated with guilt. Jean St. Mark is furious with Endor. A zombie cannot be on her own. Endor goes in search of Deathsong.

· Nightblue wants more and more. Winifred learns just how dangerous Nightblue is. Every time it leaves Winifred, she is weaker and sicker.

· Astra receives a call from her associate, vows to escape and plots revenge.

· Embittered, Astra begins to organize her own coven behind bars.

· Cassandra, who does not have a good handle on the magic that binds her to Trabeus, cannot find his exact location.

· Stewart goes to a therapist. During the session, Stewart hallucinates and messes up the office with magic.

· Trabeus works to free himself of the spell Cassandra put on him long ago that restricts him. Marius must do things the spell prevents Trabeus from doing.

Episode 5: Cassandra and Winifred reunite. Beatrix gets closer to finding Trabeus.

· Deathsong discovers her powers. She feels no pain and is inhumanly strong. She helps a blind homeless man. They work together to survive on the street.

· Astra must prove to potential coven members that she is magical.

· Beatrix, uses the internet to track Trabeus’ atrocity, finds a number of possibilities of who and where he might be.

· Cassandra visits Winifred and sees that she is sick. Cassandra tries to nurse her, but Winifred inexplicably throws her out. Cassandra spies on her and sees Nightblue but doesn’t know what it is.

· Cassandra calls Endor and tells her that Trabeus has returned. Endor will come, but must tie up some loose ends.

Episode 6: Cassandra and Beatrix need to know what Nightblue is doing to Winifred. Astra’s new coven turns bad.

· Cassandra tries to find out what she saw at Winifred’s and gets Beatrix to help.

· Returning one night from getting food, Deathsong finds her friend has been robbed and murdered. She hunts the murderers.

· Three of Astra’s new coven immediately start using what she teaches them for violence and intimidation. One is loyal to Astra.

· Cassandra visits Astra in prison. Astra wants nothing to do with her and her obsession with Trabeus.

Episode 7: Winifred’s problem with the Deep intensifies. Deathsong is arrested for murder.

· Cassandra incorrectly casts the spell needed to find Puer Aeternum and only gets part of it.

· Twilightgreen follows Nightblue into this world and is jealous of Nightblue’s activities. Twilightgreen inhabits the body of one of Winifred/Nightblue’s lovers who quickly dies.

· Twilightgreen is angry and threatens to kill Winifred if she doesn’t find a suitable host.

· Deathsong kills the murderers with her bare hands and is caught by the police. They immediately put her in the hospital under arrest.

· Endor finds Deathsong just as she is arrested but can’t do anything about it.

· Marius suffers and begs Trabeus to free him. Trabeus refuses.

Episode 8: Cassandra tries desperately to pull the witches back together and re-form the coven.

· Ashamed about Deathsong, Endor can’t let Cassandra know, so she decides to seek help from Trabeus, the most powerful sorcerer she knows.

· Winfred asks Cassandra to help her and when Cassandra arrives, Twilightgreen is waiting. Beatrix is nowhere to be found.

· Trabeus kills the evil mob boss, who is immediately replaced by someone worse.

· Astra must destroy her new coven and start over. Easier said than done.

· Trabeus, now in magical contact with Cassandra, easily finds the missing part of Puer Aeternum. Now he has a bargaining chip.

· Beatrix figures out where Trabeus lives and goes in search of him. Marius senses her presence in town and plots to intercept her.

· Stewart’s Aunt Endor contacts him with a possibility: replace Astra in her coven.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 3

Subject: Marcus’s Five Seasons

What I learned doing this assignment is how to develop and write up a five season outline worthy of a pitch bible. I hope.

1. Season 1 to 5 arc.

Season 1 Start: A long retired coven of aging witches, each struggling with the modern world in her own way, reunite to confront an old enemy who struggles with his own issues.

Season 5 End: Together, they cast the most dangerous dark spell known in the magic world and start a new existence.

2. The Seasons Stair Step + Building Blocks.

Season 1: How Far We Have Fallen

Cassandra casts an incorrectly done spell on Trabeus who then, under orders from his mob boss, tortures and murders an innocent person in a case of mistaken identity. But this incident leads Cassandra to find Trabeus and resume her ancient war with him. She believes he wants to enslave the world. She must re-form her old coven. But they have problems of their own, problems with each other and no serious problem with Trabeus. Cassandra needs to overcome her age problems and entice her coven, so she seeks the fabled Puer Aeternum (eternal youth) spell. She incorrectly casts a spell needed to find Puer Aeternum and only gets part of it. Trabeus, now in magical contact with Cassandra easily finds the missing part of Puer Aeternum. Now he has a bargaining chip. (cliffhanger)

Trabeus, in witness protection, is in hiding from a mob boss who he ratted out. As an added benefit, his new identity hides him from Cassandra. He has partially broken the entrapment spell she laid on him long ago, which she did incorrectly. In his new location, he is now involved with a local crime boss who he secretly wants to destroy. Cassandra’s bumbling interferes with his plans and he is infuriated with her. He misses Beatrix with whom he had a secret affair years ago and this war gives him a way to be with her again. Marius grows unhappy. Trabeus kills the evil mob boss who is immediately replaced by someone worse. (cliffhanger)

Stewart lives an aimless hedonistic but unfulfilling life. He’s the local surf shop burnout. No one realizes how bad he suffers from PTSD. He has vivid flashbacks to the horrors of the wars he fought in (Spanish-American, WWI, WWII and Vietnam). He goes to therapy, but loses his cool in a session where he uncontrollably causes damage to the office with magic. Therapy is off the table, nor can he solve the problem with sex, drugs or risk taking for very long. He seeks another way. His Aunt Endor contacts him with a possibility: replace Astra in her coven. (cliffhanger)

Astra, a happy-go-lucky spirit, commits a crime with an “associate” who throws her under the bus, landing Astra in prison. She has become bitter and will have her revenge. She begins to organize her own coven behind bars. But her new coven does not turn out the way she’d hoped. Now, all she can do is destroy them and start over. Easier said than done. (cliffhanger)

Winfred, lonely and bored, dabbles in dark magic and opens a portal to The Deep. Nightblue comes through. Nightblue, a “Friend from the Deep”, becomes an addiction for Winifred. Nightblue can enter her ancient body and restore her youth and strength, but also exerts limited control over her. Nightblue wants more and more. Winifred learns just how dangerous Nightblue is. Every time it leaves Winifred, she is weaker and weaker. Twilightgreen follows Nightblue into this world and is unhappy about (or is jealous of) Nightblue’s activities. (cliffhanger)

Beatrix works in a physics lab and wants nothing more to do with magic. Cassandra won’t leave her alone about it. Beatrix agrees to help Cassandra re-form the coven for old times’ sake. Secretly, she hopes to reunite with her old clandestine lover, Trabeus, while protecting him from the coven. Cassandra, who does not have a good handle on the magic that binds her to Trabeus, cannot find his exact location. Beatrix wants this information, but Cassandra can’t know. Beatrix figures it out, almost getting caught. Beatrix packs her bags and goes in search of Trabeus. (cliffhanger)

Endor lives with Jean St. Mark, a Voodoosaint (practitioner of Voodoo) who she wants to teach her how to create zombies. He resists greatly, citing the dangers of dabbling in that type of magic. But he is in love, as well as vain about his powers, and Endor is relentless. He believes that if he can convert her to Voodoo, she will stop her sacrilegious magical practices. He creates a zombie for her called Deathsong, proving he can do it. But the cadaver Endor supplied for Deathsong was Endor’s daughter. Deathsong calls Endor “mama” and Endor is horrified. She frightens Deathsong, who runs away. Endor is devastated with guilt. Jean St. Mark is furious with Endor. A zombie cannot be on her own. (cliffhanger)

Season 2: Ambivalence at First Sight

Cassandra pulls the coven into a loose and uneasy confederation, promising each of them help with their individual problems in exchange for help against Trabeus. Work on these problems consumes her and each witch is resentful whenever she helps one of the others. And all their problems are so big, she can barely focus on Trabeus. The confederation falls apart. (cliffhanger)

Trabeus, ignores Marius’ misery and trivializes his pleas for help, while helping everybody in the neighborhood with their problems. Trabeus knows that it’s only a matter of time until Cassandra’s coven comes for him. He works on a plan. Marius betrays Trabeus with the new mob boss. The new boss realizes that Trabeus is not loyal. He also realizes that Marius has turned on his master and cannot be trusted. Unfortunate, because Marius is so useful. But he has to go. Marius is more powerful than the mob boss anticipated and kills dozens of gangsters in a climactic street fight. But they prevail and take Marius away to torture and kill. Trabeus steps in to save Marius but is himself captured by an unexpected trick Marius had previously taught the new mob boss. (cliffhanger)

Stewart leaves the surf shop in the hands of his assistant and travels to Endor, having nightmares, meaningless sex and drunken brawls along the road. He arrives to find Endor a babbling mess and is at a loss to help her or even find out what she had planned for him. He meets with Cassandra whom he had last seen at Woodstock, not knowing who she was at the time. He recalled a spell she cast on him which went horribly wrong. Cassandra, fearing retribution, orders Stewart to return to his surf shop. But Stewart isn’t going anywhere. He had undone Cassandra’s bungling almost immediately and now he has something to hold over her head. He insists on helping get Endor back to her senses. He demonstrates his full power to Cassandra who is intimidated and furious that he could scare her. She convinces him that she knows magic which will cure Endor’s melancholy. Stewart is fascinated with the idea, as he believes it might also work on him. He strikes an uneasy truce with Cassandra. Cassandra needs some help on this complex spell from Astra and takes Stewart to the prison to visit her. Stewart is in love at first sight with Astra. She finds herself obsessed with him, but rejects him because she is angry with at Cassandra and associates him with her. She refuses to help Cassandra and believes that Cassandra brought Stewart as a trick.

Astra, distracted by her thoughts of Stewart, is attacked and beaten by three of her coven mates. The remaining loyal one is nowhere to be found. The three had secretly killed her earlier. Astra is sent to a local hospital because her injuries are too great for the hospital infirmary. Stewart comes to visit her but she chases him away. She sees a chance to escape, but is too weak and gets caught. Under heavy guard, she becomes well enough to return to prison. One by one, she shows her new coven just how powerful a witch she is. But the last one, Catori, has talents that Astra didn’t expect. During their mortal combat, the entire prison riots and they are separated. They fight their way to each other for the final show down. (cliffhanger)

Winifred loses her struggle to resist Nightblue who takes complete control of her. Twilightgreen hides in this world unbeknownst to Winifred who thinks it has returned to the deep. The other witches don’t fully understand the problem, until Winifred winds up in a hospital ICU, comatose. Nightblue and Twilightgreen, trapped in this world, seek new hosts. (cliffhanger)

Beatrix arrives in Trabeus’ new hometown and sets about finding him. She doesn’t know exactly where Trabeus is, what his new name is, or even what he looks like (he is disguised). Marius has a power, a sense of nearby magical power. He senses the presence of a new witch in town and seeks her out. When Marius locates Beatrix and realizes who she is, he makes it his mission to prevent her from reuniting with Trabeus. He becomes her new friend and lulls her into a sense of trust and security. Then tries to kill her. About to die, she barely fights Marius off and flees town to escape him. She needs a new plan to get to Trabeus. (cliffhanger)

Endor descends into heroin addiction and alcoholism and rejects everyone’s help. Stewart meets Jean St. Mark and asks for his help with her. Jean, devastated that Endor never loved him, is reluctant to get involved. Stewart knows some very powerful healing magic, which he shows Jean. But it isn’t enough and Stewart knows the Voodoosaints can do things he can’t. He strikes a deal with Jean to trade knowledge if he will join in saving Endor. Together, they try. (cliffhanger)

Season 3:

Cassandra must find a way to revive Winifred from her coma. She respects Winifred and needs her council. She knows she can’t address the problem of Nightblue on her own. Cassandra becomes obsessed with the Puer Aeternum. She believes that she can cast it using only the part that she has. She reveals what she has to Endor who doesn’t believe it, Puer Aeternum being a fable. When Cassandra shows it to Endor, they fight over it. Without the entire spell, there is extraordinary danger as well as severe side effects – and that’s if the spell even works. Endor knows how bad Cassandra messes up casting and barely convinces her not to try the Puer Aeternum. Cassandra gets a phone call from Trabeus. (cliffhanger)

Trabeus believes Marius is once again his faithful servant and once again ignores his problems to deal with the gangsters and the threat of Cassandra. With Beatrix out of the picture, Marius sets about finding Cassandra on his own to join her in her fight against Trabeus. Trabeus, working diligently, finally removes the last part of the spell that connects him to Cassandra. He is shocked to find that Marius has been using it to try to locate Cassandra. Trabeus has underestimated Marius and must kill him. Marius runs. Beset on all sides, Trabeus decides to deal with Cassandra once and for all. He calls her on the phone to discuss a meeting. (cliffhanger)

Stewart attempts to assist Cassandra while struggling to hide his problems from her. He visits Astra in prison but she won’t see him. He goes to the hospital with Cassandra to see Winifred. He uses his powers to diagnose her illness. He discovers that she is not in the vegetative state she appears to be in, but is infected with a magical poison which he can’t identify. He remembers having seen something like this in the past but can’t remember what it was. He spends hours at Winifred’s bedside, angering Cassandra who requires his assistance and who doesn’t want him to know about Nightblue. Stewart finally remembers that during World War I there was a gas attack, but not the usual stuff the Germans used – something with a magical component. It killed all his men, despite gas masks. But to remember what saved him, he would have to allow – initiate – a flashback, in spite of its cost. Knowing that Cassandra is hiding something, he doesn’t trust her to help, so he has to take the chance and cause the very thing he’s trying to cure himself of. And do it by himself. In a seedy motel room. (cliffhanger)

Astra magically messes with Catori’s mind and turns her into a babbling crazy woman. Now Astra can focus on Stewart, what’s going on in her old coven, and formation of another new coven, but doing it right this time. But Catori isn’t as far gone as she looks. (cliffhanger)

Winifred, on life support, is useless to Nightblue. Nightblue infests some random people, but they die quickly and horribly, and unpleasantly for Nightblue. Nightblue seeks a stronger host (a witch). Twilightgreen sees the possibilities of this world. Twilightgreen is way more dangerous and powerful than Nightblue. Twilightgreen opens the door wider and multiple Friends from the Deep come through. The witches see the magnitude of the problem and try to resist the Friends. They fail and the Friends scatter into the world. (cliffhanger)

Beatrix sets up a laboratory and works on a weapon that is part technology, part magic. With it, she will kill Marius and free Trabeus from his menace. In her new home base, she runs into the Alley Rats, a gang of runaway kids. Alley Rats try to rob Beatrix and she doesn’t want to hurt them. But their leader, a horrible teenager named Willet gets violent and she is forced to subdue him with magic. The other kids are impressed, but Beatrix accidentally kills Willet and is devastated by it. She takes the kids in and turns them to her control. Many of them are unredeemable, but she still tries. With their help (finding useful supplies) she completes her weapon. The worst of the kids immediately steals it. Winifred must now find it before they hurt somebody with it – or hurt themselves with a device they don’t understand in the least. (cliffhanger)

Endor, cured of addiction by Stewart and Jean, goes to the Voodoosaints to seek help against the Friends from the Deep, but they don’t want to work with sacrilegious impure witches. Nightblue hears about Deathsong. (cliffhanger)

Season 4:

Cassandra

Trabeus

Stewart embarks on his journey into the past to relive the horrors of World War I. Memories flood back to Stewart that he’s long suppressed – for good reason. Stewart is unable to distinguish his flashback from reality. He loses touch with reality. He delves into constant combat and growing survivors’ guilt as all his friends die around him. This goes on for days. Stewart meets a comrade he’d completely forgotten and it starts to come back to him. This soldier was a self-taught sorcerer who practiced solely in dark magic and had delighted in coming to a battlefield to try his magic. But he unleashed something he didn’t fully understand. At dawn, in an unusual deathly silence, it comes creeping across the battlefield like gray smoke. The men all don gas masks. Stewart casts a spell to protect himself from poison gas. The other soldier does, too. He tells Stewart that he is going to open the portal that this smoke came from and force it to go back through, then lock the portal permanently. The smoke gets to the men and all but Stewart and the other sorcerer die horribly. The other sorcerer works frantically. Stewart tries to help, but he doesn’t know this kind of magic. He watches and learns and the other sorcerer tells him what he’s doing. The other sorcerer finally opens the portal, but the smoke won’t go through. In an act of desperation, he draws it into himself and dives into the portal. Stewart closes it behind him and suddenly he’s back in his motel room, starving and drenched in sweat. But he has an idea what to do. He gets into the shower in a fetal position crying.

Astra can’t find a suitable candidate for her coven, let alone four. She decides to attempt an escape from prison. On the night of her escape attempt, she runs into Catori, also trying to escape. Astra convinces Catori that if they fight, they will get caught, so must work together. They can then go their separate ways and never see one another again. Working together, they make it out of prison, but Catori turns Astra in and she’s picked up and brought back to prison in solitary confinement.

Winifred has a small bit of Nightblue inside her. Stewart comes to the hospital during the decision to take her off life support. Cassandra desperately tries to delay the doctors, but she’s neither a relative nor has power of attorney. Stewart begs ten minutes alone with Winifred to say good bye and the doctors reluctantly agree. Stewart removes the piece of Nightblue by absorbing it into himself. Winifred comes to in a remarkable recovery from vegetative state. But Stewart, already suffering serious malnutrition gets sick. He implores Cassandra to get him home immediately. She is reluctant to leave Winifred, not comprehending what Stewart has done. Stewart stumbles out of the hospital by himself and passes out. He is brought into the ER, unconscious. (cliffhanger)

Nightblue finds Deathsong and infests her, the perfect vessel. Deathsong is in agony, but Nightblue grows tremendously in strength. Twilightgreen and the Friends witness this and want zombies of their own. They attack Jean St. Mark and force him to try to raise more dead people. Jean St. Mark tries to kill himself to prevent the raising of more zombies. Endor saves him. The witches join with the Voodoosaints and go to war. But not all the Voodoosaints are against the Friends from the Deep. (cliffhanger)

The kids with Beatrix’s weapon use it to do a crime spree that includes murder and arson. Beatrix desperately seeks their hideout. So do the cops. Beatrix develops an app that allows her to track the weapon. Then she develops a spell to counteract its effects. As she finds the kids, they are holed up in a house where they are in a shoot out with the cops. They turn the weapon on the cops, but Beatrix has disabled it and the kids are apprehended. The device is confiscated by the police. (cliffhanger)

Endor and Jean St. Mark battle the rebel Voodoosaints as well as Deathsong/Nightblue. Endor realizes that she can’t have her daughter back and the only way to rid the world of Nightblue is to destroy Deathsong. They find a way to exorcise Nightblue from Deathsong. Endor tearfully says goodbye to Deathsong and puts her to rest. Now to work on the other Friends from the Deep. But Nightblue is not destroyed, as anticipated. (cliffhanger)

Season 5:

Cassandra and Trabeus put aside their differences to cast the eternal youth spell (Puer Aeternum) together.

Trabeus and Beatrix start over as youths, but lose all magical ability.

Astra gets out of prison and locates her “associate” on whom she gets revenge. Then she tracks down Catori and notifies the police of her whereabouts. Catori goes back to prison.

Stewart and Astra develop a lasting love and get married. Stewart, with Astra’s help finds a way to participate constructively in therapy.

Endor gets back together with Jean, who she really loves. They defeat the bad Voodoosaints and destroy all the bad zombies.

Winifred dies sending Nightblue and the Friends from the Deep back to the Deep permanently.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 2

Subject: Marcus’s Character Descriptions

I learned the basics of creating the character descriptions which need to be in the pitch bible.

Cassandra

The retired head of a defunct witches’ coven, Cassandra can’t say goodbye to magic nor can she find a place in the modern world for it. She can barely contain her glee upon discovering that her arch-enemy, Trabeus, who she thought was out of the picture, has made a comeback – with evil intent.

Known for her expertise in strategy, Cassandra will need everything she’s got to reunite her coven. Cassandra is at her best when beset on all sides by doubters. And being alone is the worst thing that can happen.

She’s been making some unfortunate mistakes with her spells the last several years, but none will come back to bite her like the one she makes with Trabeus.

Trabeus aka Mr. Bellamondo

A kindly old man with time for everybody, the neighbors all love Mr. Bellamondo. He sees the world as an unnecessarily cruel, disastrously filthy and overcrowded place. He can help.

Trabeus is in witness protection, and he vows that this time will be different. Except that he has secretly gone to work for a mid-level crime boss as a loyal contractor. He needs to extinguish the local crime problem from the inside – no cops this time. His expertise in the dark arts will come into play.

He needs to stay a step ahead of Cassandra, who never understood him and is the only person he fears.

Stewart

A slacker, a risk taker, a failure at relationships, Stewart hates himself for having no good purpose in life, yet can’t seem to correct that. And he makes a helluva surf board with or without the one thing he’s great at: magic.

Winifred

The most ancient of the coven, Winifred has lost herself in very dark magic. She has conjured a creature from the Deep called Nightblue who provides her with temporary youth. Nightblue’s visits take a heavy toll, but Winifred is addicted. When Cassandra gives Winifred the call, Nightblue is eager to meet some new friends.

Astra

A formerly happy-go-lucky innocent, Astra has fallen in with some mysterious and evil company. One of her “associates” has landed her in prison. Where she starts her own coven. Her “associate” will answer for the betrayal soon enough.

Endor

Unable to accept the long-ago loss of her daughter and with time on her hands, an aging Endor needs to talk to her daughter one last time. Endor seduces a powerful Voodoo practitioner who she convinces to do something he is very reluctant to do and legitimately fearful of. He warns her. She doesn’t listen.

Beatrix

Always the most cerebral of the coven, Beatrix has taken up science in her old age. With a Ph.D. under her belt, she no longer needs magic to seek a cure for what ails her. It helps that she has a secret lover. But Cassandra would be furious if she knew who it was.

Nightblue

An inscrutable shadow creature from the Deep who plays his evil games with Winifred. But she’s no longer enough.

Deathsong

A resurrected dead person should never hear their original name. So, she’s called Deathsong. And Endor should not have compelled her boyfriend raise this one.

Marius

As morose as he is enormous, Marius doesn’t have much to say. His skills say it for him. He owes his life to Trabeus and isn’t happy about it. But he does as he’s told. For now.

[Marcus Wolf]

Subject: Marcus’s Intriguing Concept and World

NOTE: I put aside my original concept and started over. Anyone who would like to see my new BW Framework, let me know. I’d love to hear your thoughts!!

This assignment helped me do a better job of describing the big picture. Before, I was focusing on describing what my characters were doing in the story to the exclusion of the overarching story itself. Also, of course, it taught me how start my pitch bible and began to show me the value of the framework document.

Concept

A coven of witches suffering the effects of old age have retired in the 21st century. But the modern world has no answers to the tribulations of old age. Magic might, though. As each one is separately engrossed in exploring ways to “cure” aging, they are interrupted by a bigger concern. They must deal with very old issues to re-form the coven, so they can battle an old enemy who has returned.

The World

Unique sub-world: The hubris of dabbling in dark magic, whose consequences they are not prepared for. People who have been friends or enemies for centuries.

Previously unexplored: Elderly witches desperate to contend with the issues of aging and loss.

The unknown: Creatures from another, inscrutable world. A daughter raised from the dead. A sorcerer involved with organized crime. A witch being blackmailed.

The unseen: The motivations of a sorcerer who might be powerful enough to subjugate the human race.

Unheard of dangers: Poorly thought-out attempts to regain youth through magical means, also including raising a loved one from the dead. An ancient and hideously dangerous spell.

Reason to explore it: To regain youth. To save the world.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus is ready for feedback!

Creating a TV show is very complicated. This process gave me a way to organize all the information needed in an accessible way.

I would be happy to trade frameworks with a classmate to get feedback on my framework and to critique your framework.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 2

Subject: Marcus Wolf’s Creating Irony!

This lesson taught me the importance of paying attention to irony. In my example show, irony is everywhere and creates a great deal of interest. It can do a lot of things, like adding to empathy for characters and adding elements to the story.

Character Irony:

– Harold Godwinson is a good son and a good Earl. He does everything right and is honorable. For this he is ignored by his father. His brother Sweyn gets all the attention, protection and help, no matter what he does, which angers and frustrates Harold to no end. Perhaps Harold tries to come up with a clever and subtle way to get rid of Sweyn, but murder is not out of the question.

– Sweyn Godwinson will do anything to advance his own agenda including lies, rape and murder. In the end, the only thing he can do is become penitent, then dies before he can truly make amends. In Sweyn’s criminal behavior, there might be irony, if in fact, he perpetrates his criminal behavior for valid reasons of which the other characters are not aware. Perhaps his father was actually King Cnut, as Sweyn claims and that is the family’s dirty secret. Perhaps he didn’t rape the Abbess of Leominster but they were actually in love and conspiring to steal the church’s lands together. Perhaps he didn’t murder his cousin Earl Beorn in cold blood, but had good reason to do it (still working on what that could be).

– Perhaps Sweyn, the evil son, has made his pilgrimage and is now truly penitent. While near Constantinople, he is murdered by assassins paid by Harold, the good son. Perhaps prior to his death, he finds proof that he is actually son of King Cnut and not Godwin. His dilemma will be to decide what to do with this information now that he is penitent.

– Godwin, who has been extremely loyal to every prince and king (five of them including Edward) he has served, turns on King Edward.

– William of Normandy, a somewhat pious man, resorts to extremely unchristian atrocity to end a prolonged siege. Perhaps he is haunted by this action to the extent that he can’t find a way to confess and gain absolution. Yet he desperately needs forgiveness to remove this stain on his reputation.

– King Edward considers Count Baldwin V of Flanders an enemy. William, whose grandfather and father sheltered Edward during his exile, marries Baldwin’s daughter, Matilda.

– Robert of Jumieges is a loyal advisor and faithful confidante to King Edward. When he is promoted to Archbishop of Canterbury (the highest ecclesiastical rank in England), he is influenced heavily by his subsequent meeting with Pope Leo IX, empowered, but not to become more pious, but to try to become more powerful and independent of King Edward.

Situational Irony:

– During the English crisis of 1051, all parties involved are seeking to enhance their own power and standing. But neither Edward nor Godwin is actually willing to start a civil war. In this situation, from our knowledge of Edward and Godwin thus far, we expect Edward to back down. But he stands firm. We expect Godwin to not only stand firm, but to fight, if necessary. Instead, he goes into exile.

– Although married for several years, King Edward and Queen Edith have no children. There is probably a way to work irony into this situation, I’m working on that.

[Marcus Wolf]

Examples of Irony in Game of Thrones:

– Ned Stark was the most honorable man in the kingdom. He is executed for treason.

– Robb Stark has no thoughts of being a king, and has not gone to war to become one. His banner men spontaneously name him King in the North.

– Arya Stark always wanted to be treated like a boy and do male activities. To escape King’s Landing, she must pose as a boy against her will.

– Sansa Stark wanted to be a Queen and live in a royal court. Now she is a hostage of the King she wanted to marry, and suffers for it.

– Bran Stark always wanted to climb. Now he has to learn to live without use of his legs.

– Drogo is the greatest fighter of the Dothraki. He dies of an infected cut after easily defeating and killing the man who gives him the cut.

– When Drogo dies, Danaerys decides that no price would be too high to bring him back to life. The price she pays is too high: death of her son.

– The “final” death of Drogo, who Danaerys wanted alive but had to “kill”, results in her proving that she is a true Targeryon who can’t burn, and also gaining three dragons.

– Ser Jorah lives in exile for shaming his family with stupid criminal activities. Now he is Danaerys’ wisest advisor and most honorable servant. (I’m not sure this is real irony…)

– Joffrey, who is the bastard of another man, and has no claim to the throne, has become King. Gendry is a true (albeit bastard) son of King Robert, but must run like a criminal and hide his identity.

– Jamie Lannister, sworn to protect the king, assassinates the mad king to save the kingdom. Now he is branded, “Kingslayer” in dishonor.

– Tyrion gets no respect from anyone but Jamie. Now he is acting Hand of the King and everyone must do as he says.

– Tyrion, a nobleman, falls in love with a whore.

– The death of a mad king resulted in the kingdom going into civil war, eventually won by the man (Robert Baratheon) whose “son” (Joffrey), clearly a mad man, becomes king.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 2

Subject: Marcus Wolf’s Show’s Plot and Character Layers

This lesson taught me a way to make my writing much more interesting on a holistic story level. Although I’ve probably occasionally used layers in screenplay writing, it was not intentional. I can see how this method will work for every kind of narrative writing, including TV, screenplays, stage plays and novels.

In the following, some of the layers occur after the pilot.

PLOT SURFACE

Layer 1: Edward, having spent years establishing himself in his position as King of England, enjoys a somewhat uneasy balance of power between himself and his three great Earls. But Earl Godwin is becoming troublesome because he is gaining too much power.

Layer 2: Count Eustace of Boulogne shows up for a visit to King Edward with an idea which he believes will help his brother-in-law (Edward) get control of Earl Godwin. (Eustace will want Edward’s support against any problems from his neighbors Baldwin of Flanders and William of Normandy.) Eustace’s subsequent attack on Dover will set in motion a complete upheaval in English nobility. Edward will get to reapportion the Earldoms more to his liking after exiling Godwin’s family.

Layer 3: The Godwin family goes into exile. Edward sends Queen Edith to a nunnery.

Layer 4: The Godwin family returns to power and a new balance must be found. It is easier with Sweyn gone. Godwin now feels secure. He does not realize that the King still harbors anger toward him.

Layer 1: William is consolidating his Dukedom in Normandy. The King of France is his friend and helps him when William asks. Particularly against count Geoffrey Martel of Anjou.

Layer 2: Geoffrey Martel convinces King Henry I that William has become too powerful, posing a threat to Henry and that he (Geoffrey) would make a much better suited assistant in any problems that might arise with the Germans (aka Holy Roman Empire). King Henry turns on William. Also, William’s uncles, a Count and a Bishop, betray him.

CHARACTER SURFACE

Layer 1: King Edward’s friend, Robert of Jumieges, as Bishop of London, is helpful, almost sycophantic, yet influential. Edward promotes Robert to Archbishop of Canterbury.

Layer 2: While Robert is in Rome collecting his pallium, Pope Leo IX encourages/orders him to use his newfound power to reform the English church. This is a revelation to Robert who realizes he can do more than just reform the church. He can become the power behind the throne. Robert returns to England, changed. He has become a power-hungry church “reformer”. He sees a place for himself above the King.

Layer 3: Robert now presents a problem for King Edward. Where once Robert was useful, now he is becoming dangerous.

Layer 4: When Godwin’s family returns from exile and is reinstated, King Edward has an excuse to rid himself of Robert. Edward exiles Robert. He appoints a new Archbishop (Stigand) who will be easy to control.

Layer 5: On his way into exile – having been betrayed by his friend, King Edward – Robert kidnaps Wulfnoth Godwinson and Hakon Sweynson, who Edward had been holding hostage. Robert will use them as a bargaining chip with William of Normandy. Robert will use them to get revenge on Edward and the Godwins.

Layer 1: Harold feels he is living in his older brother Sweyn’s shadow. Sweyn, who does seemingly criminal acts is consistently promoted, supported and defended by his father Godwin. Harold, the young Earl of East Anglia, has been doing everything right. He commanded ships in his father’s fleet and he commanded a fleet against German pirates. He has ruled over East Anglia justly. Yet he is overlooked not only by his father, but by the King who takes him for granted and lumps him together with his criminal brother. Deep down, Harold is timid and fears his brother, but is also jealous of Sweyn’s reckless abandon.

Layer 2: Harold convinces his father that the only way that Sweyn can possibly clear his name is for him to make a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. Godwin, enraged by Sweyn’s activities, finds the pilgrimage to be a terrific idea and orders Sweyn to go. Now Harold has the chance to help his family regain their lands and influence in England by going on a mission to Ireland to raise a mercenary army. He must overcome his inner fears.

Layer 3: Upon his reinstatement to Earl, Harold is now determined to make himself useful and a friend of the King. He does not realize that the King has not gotten over his hatred of Godwin and has not forgiven Godwin for things that he did (such as being complicit in his brother Alfred’s murder, stealing church land, defending his criminal son, and generally holding great power in the traditional seat of Royal power, Wessex). Edward decides to murder Godwin. Edward is a master of poison, which he learned during his exile in Normandy. (Normans were known for poisoning their enemies.)

Layer 4: Godwin collapses at a Royal feast and dies a few days later. This death is similar to that of King Harthecnut, whom Edward had also poisoned nine years before. Harold does not yet know what Edward has done. Edward promotes Harold to Earl of Wessex. Harold’s dream of being recognized has come true. Edward believes he can control Harold.

Layer 5: working on this one, but it will have to do with Harold’s reaction to learning how his father died

Layer 6: working on this, but perhaps Harold forgives Edward, but secretly angry, poisons him. Harold becomes King.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 1

Game of Thrones Layers

A new layer is revealed early on when Bran sees Cersei and Jamie having sex.

White Walkers are revealed to be real.

Danaerys, having lost everything after the death of Kal Drogo, now has dragons – thought to be extinct. Her super power, hinted at before, is now fully revealed: she’s fire proof. She is starting from scratch with almost nothing else, but these are a good start.

Robert Baratheon’s death changes things drastically.

Ned Stark’s execution changes everything for his children.

Robb Stark’s banner men spontaneously declare him King in the North. This changes the reasons he is fighting a war.

Sansa goes from a debutante of sorts to a political prisoner who is tortured by Joffrey. this will change the kind of person she is.

Arya goes from rich tomboy, to a poor girl who must pose as a boy to survive.

Joffrey Baratheon’s behavior, now that he’s is king, has blossomed into sadism. His grandfather, Tywin Lannister (or Joffrey’s uncle Tyrion) must step in to effectively rule the kingdom.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 2

Subject: Marcus Wolf’s Big Picture Open Loops

All drama depends on conflict and resolution to create interest and develop story lines. I learned an excellent way to create and introduce conflict into the story in a way that can engage the audience and strongly guide their motivation to watch.

There are a number of big picture open loops that will start in the pilot:

Goals:

Queen Edith has not produced an heir for King Edward and he is looking for a way to get rid of her. Once her father, Earl Godwin, is exiled, there is no way to stop Edward from pushing her aside. Can she find a way to continue on as queen? Can she regain Edward’s affection?

Consequences:

Sweyn has brought massive trouble and disgrace upon his family and has lost everything. Can he find a way to gain forgiveness? Can he redeem himself?

Godwin’s bluff to intimidate King Edward goes awry and results in the exile of the whole family. Can they find a way to regain their standing in English society?

William commits an atrocity after losing his temper at the siege of Alencon. The church does no look kindly upon this event. The support of the church is important to William and now it is in jeopardy. Can William gain forgiveness? Can he find a way to remove this stain on his reputation?

Solving Problems:

Harold, always in Sweyn’s shadow is desperate to get his father’s attention and approval, despite their contentious relationship. How will he achieve this?

Duke William’s two uncles betray him and King Henry turns on him, placing all he has achieved in Normandy in peril. How can he survive this crisis and retain his hold on Normandy?

Relationships:

Harold’s wife, Edith (not to be confused with his sister, Queen Edith) has been with him for years, helped him build his power base in East Anglia and born him sons, yet they have still not had a Christian wedding recognized by the church (although they are married under Dane Law). Harold could marry another woman at any time without going through the massively complicated divorce proceedings demanded by the church. Can Edith prevent this? Can Harold find a way to make Edith happy while keeping his options open?

Sweyn claims that his real father was King Cnut and that he has a claim to the Danish throne. His mother, Gytha, vehemently denies ever having an affair with Cnut (her brother-in-law), yet there is a lingering question about it. While he had been exiled from England (on his own, previously to the exile of his whole family) he had gone to Denmark and gotten himself exiled for there due to his insistence on royal standing. Can Sweyn find the evidence he needs? Will he continue to shame his family by going down this road?

The two children, Wulfnoth and Hakon are given as hostages during the crisis between Godwin and Edward. Then Godwin’s family is then forced into exile. What will happen to the children?

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 1

Game of Thrones Open Loops

1) What will happen to Jon Snow? Will he make it in the Night’s Watch, which he was forced to join? Now that his brother Robb is going to war, he must choose between his sworn duty and his loyalty to his house. What will he do?

2) Can Sansa achieve her goal of a royal marriage? Now that her father has been executed for treason, it seems unlikely, so what will her fate be now, at the mercy of King Joffrey?

3) Can Danaerys survive and eventually get back the throne of Westeros? Now that Kal Drogo is sick and may die, what will be her fate? Can she survive the mortal danger she’ll be in if Drogo dies?

4) Arya is on her own now. Can she survive? How?

5) Can Tyrion ever gain the respect of his father?

6) Can the Night’s Watch get help to defend against the White Walkers? Now that they’ve seen one, they believe, but will anyone else? Can this threat somehow overshadow the civil war that is happening?

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 2

Subject: Marcus Wolf’s Show Mysteries

What I learned doing this assignment is an excellent way to grab the audience’s attention, and a way to keep it. Standard script writing (for movies, at least) requires an inciting incident early in Act I. The shocking event can be the inciting incident or it can be used to reinforce the inciting incident. The over time mysteries, properly done, keep the main characters’ journeys fresh and continually intriguing.

My shocking events, while shocking, still need some work, as they do not necessarily pose deep mysteries. I’ll be putting more thought into this one.

Shocking Event Mystery 1:

A. Shocking Event: Count Eustace of Boulogne visits England. He brings his men, heavily armed soldiers, into Dover and attacks the people of the town on a flimsy pretense. A violent riot breaks out in which dozens of people (including many of Eustace’s men) are killed. Eustace goes to King Edward (his brother-in-law), blames the people of Dover (of which Godwin is protectorate) and demands justice. Edward orders Godwin to ravage Dover as punishment. Godwin refuses and the country poises for civil war.

B. Secret: Edward believes that Godwin is too well established and influential in England and getting stronger. Edward has unsuccessfully sought a way to redress this imbalance of power. Eustace believes he has provided it (for which Edward now owes him).

C. Investigation: Bishop Stigand is called in as a mediator and tries to discover the real reason the King is so angry with Godwin. The king demands a trial, but will not present charges. Stigand must also discover why Godwin refuses his king’s commands.

D. Who: Count Eustace of Boulogne

E. What: Attack on town of Dover

F. When: After a visit to King Edward

G. Where: Dover, deep in Earl Godwin’s territory

H. How: Riding horseback from house to house killing

I. Part Withheld: Instead of punishing a foreigner who attacked one of his cities, the king wants the town itself punished. Why?

Shocking Event Mystery 2:

A. During the battle of Alencon, William is teased by the town defenders about being a bastard of low birth. William completely loses his cool. He captures them and brings them to Alencon castle. In front of the castellan, he has all of their hands and feet cut off. He tells the castellan that if he forces William to lay siege, this will be their fate when they do eventually come out. He then has the bodies stacked in front of Domfront castle, which he is also besieging, and has the hands and feet catapulted into the castle. They get the idea and surrender.

B. Secret: King Henry invades Anjou to support William’s efforts in Domfront and Alencon. He is shocked by William’s atrocity. William has now become too powerful and may also be turning into a monster.

C. Investigation: Like Edward, Henry perceives an imbalance of power which frightens him. He seeks ways to redress this.

D. Who: William of Normandy

E. What: committed atrocity

F. When: during the sieges of Domfront and Alencon

G. Where: Alencon Castle

H. How: Amputated the hands and feet of 30 men.

I. Part Withheld: Why would William do such a thing? A simple siege of the castles would have eventually resulted in their surrender, as was normally done at that time. Will there be repercussions? It doesn’t seem so to William, but what he’s done has rattled some of his own followers and disgusted his ally, King Henry.

Over Time Mystery 1:

A. Cover up: Although married for several years, King Edward and Queen Edith have no children.

B. Secret: Not sure yet. Any of: Edward is sterile, Edith is barren, Edward is gay, Edward detests Edith, Edward does not want children with Edith because she is Godwin’s daughter and a son would guarantee a grandson of Godwin on the throne. It leaves open the idea of divorce as well.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 1

Example Show: Game of Thrones

Shocking Event Mystery

A. Shocking Event: Bran Stark sees Queen Cersei and Jamie Lannister having sex. To protect his and Cersei’s secret, Jamie pushes Bran out a tower window, presumably to his death.

B. Secret: All of Cersei’s children are by Jamie, not King Robert. Robert doesn’t know this or even suspect. Jon Arryn, about to uncover the truth is murdered by the Lannisters to preserve this secret. This murder itself was a secret, as Jon Arryn looked like he died of natural causes.

C. Investigation: Ned Stark begins to follow in the footsteps of Jon Arryn to find out what he knew. Ned meets some of King Robert’s bastards. Ned also discovers the truth about Cersei and Jamie’s children.

Over Time Mystery

A. Cover up: The White Walkers have arisen and are preparing to go south. Not actually a cover up per se, but it is a mystery which unfolds slowly over several episodes.

B. Secret: White Walkers are believed to be mythical. No one who hasn’t seen them believes and no one takes rumors of their presence seriously.

C. Reveals: We see White Walkers kill a few wildlings in the pilot. No one believes the survivor. Later, a White Walker shows up at the castle of the Night’s watch and almost kills Jon Snow and Lord Mormont.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 2

Subject line: Marcus Wolf’s Show Empathy/Distress

This assignment taught me how to draw in the audience using specific types of emotional situations and ideas on how to manufacture them. I can see how using this method will greatly help in manufacturing better, more engaging scenes for my characters.

A.
Undeserved misfortune.

-Harold Godwinson is constantly overlooked because
of the criminal behavior of his older brother. He is associated unfairly with
his father, who King Edward believes has wronged him as well as England.

-William is born a bastard and comes into his inheritance at too young an age to be taken seriously. Many powerful men have a legitimate claim to William’s Duchy.

B.
External Character conflicts.

-Robert of Jumieges hates Godwin and is King Edward’s closest advisor.

-Count Geoffrey Martel’s attempt to take over County Maine by military force causes William to have to fight him.

-William’s uncles both turn on him during a critical phase of this fight with Count Geoffrey Martel.

-Count Geoffrey Martel visits King Henry and successfully convinces him to turn on William. Until then, King Henry had sided with William against Geoffrey.

C.
Plot intruding on life.

-King Edward banishes Earl Godwin’s entire family
from England. All of them, including Harold, suffer a major disruption to
their way of life and their aspirations.

-William marries the daughter of Count Baldwin of Flanders to gain a powerful ally. But King Henry hates Baldwin and is now further angered by William.

D.
Moral dilemmas.

-Harold owes fealty to King Edward, but also loyalty to his
father, Godwin. When those two come to loggerheads, Harold must decide whom
to support.

-Godwin must decide whether to make war on his own king, thereby bringing grief and vulnerability to his own kingdom or to lose everything he can’t carry to escape what he feels will be a predetermined judgement in court.

-King Edward must decide whether to go along with Count Eustace’s plot to goad Godwin into a showdown. Edward is also egged on by his close advisor, Robert of Jumieges to do it. Yet, as a more subtle operator, Edward struggles with whether this is really the best way to achieve his goals.

-King Henry attacks Normandy on two different occasions. William has sworn an oath of fealty to this king, who also helped him when he needed it most. The dilemma is whether or not to fight his own king.

E.
Forced decisions they’d never make.

-Neither Harold nor William would
ordinarily go against their own respective king. Yet circumstances force
both of them to do so.

-When Godwin’s family returns to England with mercenary armies, as well as support of many English, King Edward must relent. Edward must also make the decision to banish his old friend and confidant, Robert of Jumieges, never to see him again.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 1

Big Picture Empathy/Distress in Game of Thrones:

Ned Stark – Forced by King Robert to take a job he doesn’t want. Faced with moral dilemmas concerning who to back when King Robert dies. Thrown into prison by King Joffrey.

Jon Snow – Rejected by his family because he’s a bastard.

Daenerys – The king in Westeros sends an assassin to kill her. She learns that the king will never stop trying to kill her.

Drogo – His anger at the attempt on Daenerys’ life makes him decide to invade Westeros, something which no Dothraki ever tried.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 2

Subject: Marcus Wolf’s Character Relationship Maps.

This assignment taught me how to begin to set up relationships between my main characters. It seems that interrelationships between characters are sort of characters themselves and can’t be superficial. It is the interaction between characters that creates all drama, so having a method of creating complex relationships is critical to the story.

-Harold Godwinson to William of Normandy

Surface: Acquaintances

Common Ground: Noble men, relationship by marriage to Count
Baldwin V

Conflict: William holds Harold’s brother and nephew hostage

History: William believes Harold should support his claim to
King of England

Subtext: Both want to succeed Edward as King.

Relationship Arc: Acquaintances to deadly enemies

-Harold Godwinson to King Edward of England

Surface: A vassal lord to the King

Common Ground: England, defense of the realm

Conflict: Power struggle between Harold’s family and King
Edward

History: The revolt of 1051 then reinstatement of 1052, then a
new balance of power. They become close friends.

Subtext: Harold, closely associated with his father and older
brother, must prove himself.

Relationship Arc: Enemies to best of friends

-William of Normandy to King Henry of France

Surface: Henry is former protector of William, now adversary

Common Ground:

Conflict: Henry comes to see William as a threat as he gains power and independence.

History:

Subtext: Henry was his friend only as long as it suited him.

Relationship Arc: Friends becoming
enemies.

-William of Normandy (William) to William Fitz Osbern (Fitz Osbern)

Surface: Closest friend and deputy to William

Common Ground: The rule and protection of Normandy.

Conflict:

History: Fitz Osbern’s father protected William as a child.
They became close.

Subtext: Fitz Osbern is devoted to William, trust.

Relationship Arc: Lifelong friends.

-William of Normandy to Count Geoffrey Martel of Anjou

Surface: Worst enemy and rival

Common Ground: Powerful lords in France.

Conflict: Ultimate control of Normandy (and County Maine).

History: They vie for the favor and support of King Henry.
Geoffrey wins.

Subtext: A hatred which goes from “business” to personal.

Relationship Arc: Constant warfare. Geoffrey loses.

-King Edward to Robert of Jumieges

Surface: Friend and advisor to Edward

Common Ground: Life in Normandy as young men

Conflict: Robert is too single-minded in hating Godwin and
becomes a religious fanatic – where it suits his interests.

History: They meet during Edward’s exile and become friends.
Later, Edward must exile him from England.

Subtext: Robert begins to take advantage of Edward’s good
will. He thinks he’s better than Edward.

Relationship Arc: Good friends during Edward’s exile, Edward brings
him to England and gives him important positions in the church. Edward must exile him
because he becomes too troublesome.

-King Edward to Earl Godwin of Wessex

Surface: Vassal lord to Edward

Common Ground: Rule of England

Conflict: Both are players in the balance of political power in England.

History: Godwin played a hand in the murder of Edward’s
brother, Alfred. Godwin supported Edward’s accession to the throne.

Subtext: Edward needs Godwin but does not trust him in the
least and vice versa.

Relationship Arc: Godwin opposes Edward (and his brother)
overthrowing King Harthecnut. After Harthecnut dies, Godwin supports Edward.
Edward later exiles Godwin. Godwin wins back his title and lands.

-King Edward to Count Eustace of Boulogne

Surface: Brothers-in-law

Common Ground: Edward’s sister, Goda married Eustace as her second
husband. Certain political expediencies. Edward can help Eustace with his problems, so
Eustace must find a way to make Edward indebted to him.

Conflict:

History: During his exile, Edward finds friends in Boulogne.
Eustace even marries his sister. Eustace then looks for friendship from the
King of England.

Subtext: They each feel that the other can further their
goals of power.

Relationship Arc: Eustace marries Goda. Goda dies without children by
Eustace. Eustace comes to Edward with a mutual proposition which instigates the
revolt of the Godwins.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 1 – As the Relationship Map does not appear to be transferable to this forum post, I’ll type it out.

Relationship Maps, Game of Thrones: Character 1 – Jon Snow

Character 2 – Ned Stark

Surface – Father/son

Common Ground – family

Conflict – acceptance as a real son

History – brought home as and infant and raised as a bastard

Subtext – Jon feels disappointment and resentment

Arc – from birth until Jon enlists in the Night’s Watch

Character 2 – Alliser Thorne

Surface – fight instructor

Common – Night’s Watch

Conflict – looks down on Jon as a noble boy and a bastard

History – off to a bad start at the Night’s watch

Subtext – Alliser sees Jon as a snob and resents his privilege

Arc – from bad to worse

Character 3 – Samwell Tarly

Surface – friends

Common – both of noble upbringing

Conflict – Jon is dismissive of Sam at first because he can’t fight

History – Jon comes to accept Sam and becomes his guardian

Arc – from pity to respect to friendship

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 1

Marcus W.

Jon Snow:

Hope: to be a Ranger in the Night’s Watch / Fear: to lead a useless life

Want: to be respected / Need: to be taken seriously

Base Negative Emotion: bitterness and disappointment / Public Mask: bravery and leadership

Weakness: insecurity

Triggers: being taunted for being a bastard or for his standing in society

Coping: fighting

Ned Stark:

Hope: to govern well / Fear: failure to straighten out King Robert’s messes

Want: peaceful rule in the north / Need: keep his family safe

Base Neg. Emotion: anger / Public Mask: stern but competent, never backs down

Weakness: bravery without caution

Triggers: confrontation, deceit

Coping: first uses his wits but then fighting if that doesn’t work

[Marcus Wolf]

Subject: Marcus Wolf’s Character Emotions

This lesson taught me yet another group of specific ways to add interest and complexity to my characters. Creating interesting characters is not always intuitive for me and this method really makes it a lot easier. I uncovered traits of my characters that I hadn’t thought about before with this exercise.

1) Emotional Profile of Harold Godwinson:

A. Situational: Hope: be
successful, become Earl of Wessex, later, King / Fear: being discounted, his
brother Sweyn will overshadow him.

B. Motivation: Want: power and influence
/ Need: confidence

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion:
inferiority/ Public Mask: competence, bravery

D. Weaknesses: lack of
experience and opportunity makes him insecure

E. Triggers: disloyalty, criminal
behavior in the nobility

F. Coping Mechanism: fight

<div>2) Emotional Profile of William of Normandy:</div><div>

A. Situational: Hope: security /
Fear: loss of everything he worked for

B. Motivation: Want: consolidation of power in and expansion
of Normandy/ Need: respect of peers

</div>

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion:
hostility / Public Mask: just, religious

D. Weaknesses: blind loyalty to
King Henry

E. Triggers: disrespect, betrayal

F. Coping Mechanism: fight

<div>3) Emotional Profile of King Edward:</div><div>

A. Situational: Hope: attain real
control over England / Fear: poor counsel will mislead him, disgracing the
crown, the Godwin family will take over England

B. Motivation: Want: protect
the realm from outside invaders and consolidate or balance power from
within/ Need: trust, friendship

</div>

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion:
bitterness, suspicion, resentment / Public Mask: tenacity, resilience

D. Weaknesses: feelings of
inferiority, non-acceptance in English noble society

E. Triggers: felling betrayed, being
shamed, members of nobility or clergy trying to take power

F. Coping Mechanism: wielding
royal power to maximum extent, opportunist, exploiting fear and greed in
others, manipulate

<div>4) Emotional Profile of Godwin of Wessex:</div><div>

A. Situational: Hope: keep the
balance of power in his family / Fear: Loss of power and wealth

</div>

B. Motivation: Want: have his sons
made Earls and a grandson on the throne / Need: acceptance and respect

C. Mask: Base Negative Emotion:
anger / Public Mask: upstanding

D. Weaknesses: love for his
wife and her people (the Danes)

E. Triggers: loss of control,
having to take blame for others’ misdeeds

F. Coping Mechanism: negotiation
first, show of force when negotiation doesn’t work

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 2

Subject: Marcus Wolf’s Intriguing Character Layers

This lesson taught me specific ways to create complexity in characters beyond what I have previously been doing. It also taught me that this complexity is necessary to make characters great.

Inner Circle Characters Intrigue items:

<div>Character Name: Harold
Godwinson</div><div>

Role: Earl of East Anglia

</div>

Hidden agendas: Harold wants
his brother and any other obstacles out of the way in order to become the
Earl of Wessex after his father, Godwin. After he eventually achieves
this, he sets his sights on being King of England.

Competition: Harold hates his
older brother Sweyn. He also sees potential in his younger brother Tostig
for trouble. Harold will come to recognize William as competition for the
English throne.

Conspiracies: When King Edward
exiles the Godwins, Harold conspires with Godwin to raise an army of
mercenaries to fight King Edward for reinstatement or possibly to make
Godwin King. During the period of Sweyn’s banishment from England, Harold
conspired with his cousin Earl Beorn to keep Sweyn out of England.

Secrets: Harold is unsure of
himself and hides this from everyone but his wife, Edith.

Deception: Harold will do everything
he can to make Sweyn look bad in Godwin’s eyes. When the time comes,
Harold will betray his younger brother Tostig after being very close to Tostig
for years.

Wound: Harold is constantly
overlooked and ignored by Godwin in favor of Sweyn, despite Sweyn being a
bad actor and Harold doing everything expected of him. Harold was hurt by
the murder of his cousin Beorn by Sweyn.

Secret Identity: Harold comes
to think of himself as invincible.

Character Name: William of
Normandy

Role: Duke of Normandy
Hidden agendas: As William
secures his position in Normandy, he gets the idea that he could conquer
England.

Competition: Count Geoffrey
Martel of Anjou, King Henry of France and other lesser Counts. Harold
Godwinson.

Conspiracies: William marries
the daughter (Mathilda) of the powerful Count Baldwin V of Flanders. There
could come a time when William and Baldwin need to back each other against
King Henry.

Secrets:

Deception:

Wound: Being a bastard. Many of
William’s rivals discount him as a duke because of his status as a
bastard. Some of them taunt him endlessly for it and some question his
legitimacy as Duke over their claims, because of it. William is particularly
wounded when his protector, King Henry I, turns on him and attacks.
William gives two of his uncles prestigious positions in Normandy and they
betray him.

Secret Identity:

Character Name: King Edward

Role: King of England

Hidden agendas: Ill at ease in
England among a long established nobility, Edward would replace the major
magnates with men of his own choosing to consolidate his rule.

Competition: Earl Godwin has
amassed great wealth and power under the previous three Kings. Godwin
pressured Edward to marry his daughter. Godwin is the competition.

Conspiracies: He generally
conspires with Robert of Jumiege against Earl Godwin. He plays the great
Earls against one another despite them previously living together in peace
for 20 years. After Godwin’s return, Edward conspires with him to get rid
of Robert of Jumiege. He conspires with Harold to get rid of Tostig, who
had become an Earl and a friend of Edward.

Secrets: Edward poisoned the
previous King (Harthecnut) to become King. Later, after exiling Earl Godwin
and his family, Edward sets his sights on the other great Earls. He wants
to rid England of the old guard and put all of his own men in.

Deception: Edward deceives the great
northern Earls (Siward and Leofric). After calling on them to support him
against the rebellious Earl Godwin, he plans to remove them from power.

Wound: Edward was exiled as a
very young man after his father (King Aethelred) and older half-brother
(King Edmund) were defeated by another conquering King (Cnut). He was
further wounded when his mother married King Cnut, had a son (Harthecnut)
and backed that son over Edward as candidate for King on the previous king’s
death. Edward is deeply wounded when his younger brother Alfred is murdered
by the men of a previous King (Harthecnut), which he blames on Godwin. He is
a bitter man who felt he was given his due too late in life.

Secret Identity: Deep down,
Edward is still a poor exile living at the mercy of wealthy benefactors
who he is powerless repay. It informs his identity.

Character Name: Godwin of
Wessex

Role: Earl of Wessex

Hidden agendas: A poorly hidden
agenda, but nevertheless, Godwin ultimately wants his family to run
England. He wants to be King or more likely one of his sons or certainly a
grandson.

Competition: King Edward. Even
though Edward could not have become King without Godwin’s backing, he gives
no quid pro quo. Now Godwin’s candidates for Archbishop and lesser Earldoms
must compete with Edward’s choices.

Conspiracies:

Secrets: Godwin was aware
that Edward murdered King Harthecnut and agreed to keep it secret and back
Edward’s rise to the throne.

Deception:

Wound: Godwin is tortured by
the fact that his oldest son (Sweyn) has grown into a criminal. Sweyn
takes after Godwin’s father Wulfnoth, who had also behaved criminally and
who had gotten himself exiled from England. Godwin also never got over an
episode where he was ordered by a previous King (Harthecnut) to “punish”
the town of Worcester for revolting against unfair taxes. Godwin’s (and
Harthecnut’s) men burned the city down, in some cases with the buildings still
occupied.

Secret Identity:

• This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by  Marcus Wolf. Reason: A few typos

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 1

Subject: Game of Thrones main character intrigue:

Competition – Jamie Lannister vs. Ned Stark, Jon Snow vs. a number of men of the Night’s Watch, Valerys vs. Kal Drogo

Conspiracy – Queen Cersei and Jamie Lannister hate King Robert.

Secrets – Cersei and Jamie’s secret love affair, Ned’s refuses to reveal who Jon Snow’s mother is. Cersei sent an assassin to kill Bran Stark (this may have been a conspiracy with her brother Jamie; at this point it’s not clear).

Deception – Cersei deceives King Robert into believing that he is the father of her sons,

Wound – Jon Snow is wounded by his status as a bastard, Tyrion Lannister is wounded by his status as a dwarf, Danearys is wounded by her brother’s treatment of her, Catlyn Stark is wounded by Ned having a bastard son, Ned’s having to leave Winterfell, and the attempt on her son’s life

Secret Identity – Arya Stark wishes she was a boy who could become a knight.

[Marcus Wolf]

Subject: Marcus Wolf’s Engaging Main Characters

This assignment taught me the basics of main character creation. The main characters must be differentiated from the second circle of characters in non-obvious ways. There are specific ways to add depth to these characters.

1. This show is the story a low-level English nobleman who works his way to become King, and of the man who then defeats and replaces him as King.

2. The main characters selling the show are Harold Godwinson, William of Normandy and King Edward of England.

3. Engaging profiles:

A. Role

Harold: The second son of a powerful Saxon nobleman. A minor Earl.

William: The Duke of Normandy.

Edward: The King of England.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise

Harold: He has a talent for leading men and for learning from the mistakes of others.

William: He must continually defend his dukedom from covetous Counts who would take it from him. William is a master of cultivating a loyal following, a master of battle strategy and brings prosperity to Normandy.

Edward: Continually consolidating his power in what is to him a foreign situation, Edward is a master of political maneuvering.

C. Intrigue

Harold: He must prove to his father that he is more worthy than his older brother. He must prove to the King that he is a friend.

William: He must constantly deal not only with external enemies, but with betrayal from within his own ranks and betrayal from powerful allies.

Edward: Plays his Earls against one another to consolidate and increase his own power.

D. Moral Issue

Harold: His loyalty to his father conflicts with his loyalty to the King and he must choose.

William: A religious man, William is wracked with guilt over his hatred of his enemies, which he can’t always control.

Edward: His chief advisor and friend, Robert of Jumiege constantly pushes Edward toward conflict with the powerful Earl of Wessex. When Robert becomes Archbishop of Canterbury, he becomes a religious freak and Edward must decide what to do with his oldest friend as he becomes less useful and more dangerous.

E. Unpredictable

Harold: Normally extremely level headed, he loses his temper with his brother. Later, William will make him lose his temper the same way.

William: Normally an orthodox strategist in war, at the battle of Alençon, he resorts to atrocity to force the castle to surrender without a siege.

Edward: Edward strips his best friend and advisor of all rank and exiles him.

F. Empathetic

Harold: A completely capable nobleman and general, he lives in the shadow of his incompetent and criminal older brother. He wants to serve his king, but his king hates his father and Harold must side with his family.

William: Born a bastard, William must overcome a lack of respect from other noblemen and betrayal from within his family and by his own king.

Edward: He finds himself in a position (King of
England) he never really expected. He has to figure out how to be a king. And
he must choose his enemy over his best friend and closest advisor.

[Marcus Wolf]

Subject: Engaging Profiles, Game of Thrones

A. Role

Ned Stark: A major northern lord, best friend of King Robert and the King’s chief advisor (Hand of the King).

John Snow: A new member of the Night’s Watch.

B. Unique Purpose/Expertise

Ned Stark: Politically savvy and administratively experienced, Ned has unquestioned loyalty to the King.

John Snow: He wants to be a Ranger, like his uncle. He has extensive training in fighting. A great mentor.

C. Intrigue

Ned Stark: He delves into a world of spies, liars, sycophants and violent men. They all have agendas. All try to influence the Hand of the King.

John Snow: Discovers that the Night’s Watch isn’t what he’d been led to believe.

D. Moral Issue

Ned Stark: All the King’s men have agendas that he must decide whether and how far to go along with, regardless of how distasteful.

John Snow: He has to find a way to live and work with criminals.

E. Unpredictable

Ned Stark: He has a violent and angry side which is revealed under stress.

John Snow: He has a violent and angry side which is revealed under stress.

F. Empathetic

Ned Stark: A good man forced to do a dirty job that he has no taste for. But he is determined to do it properly.

Jon Snow: Forced to leave his family because of his lowly status as a bastard, he finds himself in a new situation where he is hated for being high born.

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 2:

Subject: Marcus Wolf’s Three Circles of Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is that the characters tell the story. Not necessarily with what they say, but through their journey. The story is there for the characters, the characters are not there for the story. I’m doing a historical drama and my idea had been to tell the story according to history and have the characters show up as needed. It will actually be much more engaging to specifically follow the main characters as they move through the events. Separating the characters into three categories really helps on a number of levels. It clarifies every character’s purpose and what you can and shouldn’t do with them.

The three circles of characters for my show:

A. Main Characters Circle:

– Harold Godwinson – The second son of a powerful English Earl, he will work his way from a minor Earl to become King of England.

– William of Normandy – The bastard child of a powerful French Duke, he constantly defends his dukedom from those who would take it from him by force. Overcoming extreme odds, he will consolidate his power in France, then set his sights on conquering England.

– King Edward of England – Having returned from a life of exile in Normandy as an older man, Edward is uncomfortable in England. He hates his bitter rival, Earl Godwin of Wessex.

– Earl Godwin of Wessex – The most powerful man in England after the king, Godwin wants all of his sons in positions of power and a grandson on the throne.

B. Connected Circle:

– Robert of Jumieges, Archbishop of Canterbury

– Queen Edith (Edward’s Queen, Godwin’s daughter)

– as yet unnamed advisor to Harold

– Housecarl Scalpi (Saxon knight and servant)

– Sweyn Godwinson, Earl of Herefordshire

– Tostig Godwinson, Earl of Northumbria

– Edith Swannesha (Harold’s wife)

– Judith of Flanders (William’s wife)

– Count Geoffrey Martel of Anjou

– King Henry I of France

– William Fitz Osbern, Ducal Steward

– Count Robert of Mortain

– Bishop Odo of Bayeux

– Viscount Roger II of Montgomery

C. Environment Circle:

English:

– Gunhilda Godwinsdaughter

– Leofwine Godwinson, Earl of Kent

– Gyrth Godwinson, Earl of East Anglia

– Wulfnoth Godwinson

– Elgiva Godwinsdaughter

– Thegn Eadric

– Gytha Thorkelsdottir (Godwin’s wife)

– Judith of Flanders (Tostig’s wife)

– Spearhafoc, Archbishop-elect of London

– Earl Siward of Northumbria

– Earl Ralf of Herefordshire

– Bishop Stigand of Winchester (later Archbishop of Canterbury)

– Godwin Haroldson, Edmund Haroldson and Magnus Haroldson (Harold’s young sons)

– Gunhild Haroldsdaughter, Gytha Haroldsdaughter (Harold’s young daughters)

– Hakon Sweynson (Sweyn’s only son)

– Thegns (low level noblemen)

– Housecarls (Saxon knights)

French:

– Lord Walter Giffard of Longueville

– Ralph Fitz Gerald of Tancarville

– Count Guy of Ponthieu

– Ivo Taillebois

– Count William of Talou and Archbishop Mauger of Rouen (William’s uncles)

– Viscounts (low level noblemen)

– Mounted Soldiers (this is prior to the era of knights)

Others:

– Count Baldwin V of Flanders

– King Diarmait of Ireland

– Count Eustace of Boulogne

– Monks, Priests, Bishops, etc.

– Townspeople

– Sailors

– Servants

– Peasants

[Marcus Wolf]

Assignment 1:

Subject: Game of Thrones Character Circles

A. Main Characters: Daenerys, Queen Cersei, King Robert, Ned Stark, Tyrion Lannister, Jon Snow

B. Connected Circle: Kal Drogo, Vaserys, Ser Jorah Mormont, Catelyn Stark, Prince Joffrey, Jamie Lannister, Ser Sandor, Bran Stark, Robb Stark, Sansa Stark, Maester Lumin, Theon Greyjoy, the Stark’s head knight (didn’t get his name)

C. Environment Circle: Benjin Stark, Ser Illyin Payne, Cersei’s younger daughter and son, the assassin, the butcher’s boy, Dothraki warriors and people, King’s knights and retinue, Daenerys’s maidservants, Stark blacksmith, Stark soldiers and servants,townspeople, criminals, various servants

For some of the characters, it was not obvious to me whether they belonged in Main or Connected circles. Particularly, Catelyn Stark and Jamie Lannister.

[Marcus Wolf]

Subject: Game of Thrones 5 Star Model

Doing this assignment, I learned that quite a number of characters can be introduced in the first episode and all of them can be made intriguing without causing fatigue in the audience. An advantage is that you don’t have to love every character, but you’ll surely love some of them. There is an enormous amount of story potential opened up, as well. Most of them are at least peripherally involved in the Big Picture Hooks. During this episode, an interesting world was introduced and populated with interesting characters with many issues that seem important.

Basic outline:

Opening scene – Three men in black, assigned to “track wildlings” beyond a gigantic wall, encounter dead people who come back to life with eerie blue eyes. Two men in black are killed, one escapes.

Scene 2 – The escapee is hunted down. We meet Ned Stark and his children. The escapee is a deserter from the Night’s Watch and tells Ned what he saw. In accordance with law, Ned beheads him while his sones and retinue watch. On the way home, they come across a dead Dire Wolf and her puppies, who should not be on this side of the wall. Ned gives each child a puppy and Jon gets the runt.

Scene 3 – Jon Arryn, Hand of the King lies in state. We meet Jamie and Queen Cersei who wonder if Jon knew their secret and if so, told anyone. We don’t yet know the secret.

Scene 4 – Ned is saddened by the news of Jon Arryn’s death and hears that the King is coming north to visit him. He knows what that visit means.

Scene 5 – The King asks Ned to replace Jon Arryn as Hand of the King. Ned is extraordinarily reluctant to do so, but knows he ultimately can’t refuse his King. We also learn that Robert loved Ned’s sister, who died, and is in a loveless political marriage.

Scene 6 – We learn of the fallen House Targaryen whose last scions live in exile: Viserys and Daenerys. Viserys has arranged to marry his sister to a local warlord, Drogo, with a vast army (the Dothraki) who Viserys can then use as mercenaries to reconquer Robert’s kingdom and become King.

Scene 7 – The King and his retinue arrive at Ned’s home, Winterfell. Sansa is immediately smitten with Robert’s son, Prince Joffrey.

Scene 8 – That night is a big feast. Lady Stark does not allow Jon Snow, Ned’s bastard, to attend. We meet Ned’s brother Benjin who is in the Night’s watch. Jon respects Benjin immensely and the feeling is mutual. Jon entreats Benjin to convince Ned to let him join the Night’s watch.

Scene 9 – Later, in Ned and Catelyn Stark are in their bed chamber. They are informed Catelyn’s sister, who was Jon Arryn’s wife, has fled to their ancestral lands because she believes that Jon Arryn was assassinated, not stricken with a fever. Catelyn and Ned have reason to believe this. Lady Arryn warns that the King is now in danger. Now Ned knows that he must shed his doubts about becoming the Hand and go protect his King (and close friend).

Scene 10 – Daenerys and Drogo have a Dothraki wedding. Among her gifts are three petrified dragon eggs and a beautiful horse. She is disgusted by the bloodshed and violence that accompany the festivities and is terrified to have sex with Drogo.

Scene 11 – Ned is departing for the south with Robert. It is a sad time for his family. Robert knows that Ned is his most loyal supporter.

Scene 12 – Bran, forbidden from climbing by his mother, climbs a stone tower. He sees Jamie having sex with Cersei and their secret is revealed to him. Cersei is furious, so Jamie pushes Bran out the window without a second thought to preserve the secret.

1. Big Picture Hooks

Political intrigue surrounding the King and danger to him. Also, unusual signs point to the rebirth of an ancient evil (the White Walkers).

1. Amazing and Intriguing Character & …

2. Empathy / Distress

– Ned Stark – A lord who is friends with the King. He is honest, upholds the law to the letter, but is fair. He commands the respect of his followers and even potential enemies. He tries to teach his children right from wrong and loves his land. But the call comes from the King to service and Ned is reluctant to leave. He hates the capital, but is dutiful to a fault and follows his King. He knows there is a great danger to the King from the Queen’s family but does not fear them.

– Jon Snow – Bastard son of Ned. He is a good brother and mentor and shows great intelligence. But he is a sad character, because his status as a bastard taints his relationships with everyone in his family. He struggles to hide his anger and embarrassment when he is snubbed or even teased for his lowly status. His dream is to escape and work with his Uncle Benjin in the Night’s Watch. We respect him and feel for him. He seems to be a good and strong man who is being cheated in life.

– Arya Stark – Ned’s oldest daughter. She loves the life of a lady and wants to be a queen. She excels at ladylike activities and adores Prince Joffrey (who she actually knows nothing about).

– Sansa Stark – Ned’s youngest daughter. She hates the life of a lady. She is a tomboy who wants nothing more than to be able to do the things her brothers do. She is grimly determined to succeed at “manly” endeavors.

– Lady Stark – Ned’s wife. She came to the north from elsewhere and doesn’t feel entirely comfortable there. She hates that Ned is being called away. She worries for his safety after learning from her sister that the guy Ned is replacing (the King’s Hand) was probably murdered. She worries that Ned will suffer that fate, too. She is a good mother, yet doesn’t treat Jon fairly, even though it’s not his fault he’s a bastard.

– Robb Stark – Ned’s oldest. He wants to follow in his dad’s footsteps, but does not yet know how to earn the respect that he needs from his peers.

– Jamie Lannister – The Queen’s brother. He is handsome and a great fighter. He is a good brother to his brother and way too good of a brother to his sister, with whom he’s having an affair. He doesn’t know what to make of Ned Stark and tests the waters by inviting him to a tournament. Ned refuses, yet his reason gives Jamie something to think about. Jamie will protect his sister and their secret above all else and proves this by Pushing Ned’s son Bran out a tower window when Bran sees them having sex.

– Queen Cersei – She is a schemer. She has secrets including the incestuous affair with her brother and that she may be responsible for the death of the previous Hand. She is extremely cruel, but in a subtle and intelligent way. She is someone to be feared.

– King Robert – A fighter and a lover. He knows his shortcomings but he also knows what to do to make up for them. Hire a loyal, fair and intelligent man to be at his side.

– Bran Stark – Ned’s youngest son. He has insatiable curiosity and is an excellent and avid climber. This get him in trouble when he climbs to a tower window and sees Jamie and Cersei having sex. He may pay for that with his life.

– Tyrion Lannister – Brother to the Queen and Jamie. Cersei hates Tyrion and Jamie loves him. Tyrion, a dwarf, has the same problems that Jon Snow does, but is older and wiser. Possessed of extreme intelligence, Tyrion’s talents are wasted. He uses his position and wealth to drink and whore to excess. We feel sorry for him, but unlike Jon Snow, Tyrion hides any overt anger he might have and bides his time.

– Daenerys Targaryen – An innocent young woman who longs to return home and fears being forced into a political marriage. She also fears the man she must marry. She is a pawn of her brother, though and must go through with it. She is overwhelmed by sadness and inability to improve her situation.

– Viserys Targaryen – Direct descendant of the King prior to Robert, Viserys is determined to become King. He is a petty, hateful person. Selfish to a fault and single minded, he believes the world owes him something. He marries his sister to the savage warlord Drogo to get Drogo to commit his vast army to the overthrow of King Robert. He cares nothing about his sister and is somewhat cruel to her. This character will likely come to a bad end.

– Drogo – A very powerful warlord of few words. It is hard to earn his respect and he sees Daenerys as an object.

3. Layers / Open Loops

What is the deal with the White Walkers, are they real? If so, how much of a threat do they pose? Was the King’s Hand assassinated or did he die of a fever? If so, who did it? Was it the Lannisters? If so, who was complicit? Can Jon Snow find happiness and purpose? Can he finally gain the respect he craves? Will Tyrion use his incredible intelligence to an interesting purpose or will he just remain a drunkard? What price will Jamie pay for pushing Bran out a window?! Can Daenerys escape misery and find happiness?

4. Inviting Obsession

Is King Robert in danger? Is Ned in danger, now that he is the new Hand? Will Viserys mount an attack on Robert’s kingdom? Will Jamie and Cersei’s secret come back to haunt them?

[Marcus Wolf]

1. Hi, I’m Marcus Wolf.

2. I’ve written about 15 feature screenplays, a feature length stage play and bunches of short films and stage plays. And I wrote a pilot with a bible.

3. The pilot I wrote was originally going to be a screenplay, but I realized I’d never get the job done in 1.5 to 2 hours. So I want to turn it into a show.

4. I’m an indie filmmaker and I’ve made quite a number of short films which went into film festivals. I really want to make a feature film, so that’s in the plans. For years, I thought history was a boring subject. Then I read a couple of historians who wrote it in the style of fiction. I realized that some of the most interesting stories out there actually happened. And I have one to tell. (At least.)

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus Wolf, I agree.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Marcus Wolf]

Thanks, Renee,

I’m working with another classmate, but as soon as I’m done with his feedback, I’ll swap outlines with you.

-Marcus

[Marcus Wolf]

Let’s swap outlines, Joel. My email is marcus.wolf1@comcast.net. I’ll send you mine as soon as I get yours.

-Marcus

[Marcus Wolf]

Thanks, Lynn.

[Marcus Wolf]

I suspect they just haven’t set it up yet…