[margo meck]

Margo’s Profound Map Version 1

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” That I am not very effective during the Holidays. When our start date got pushed out, this assignment came during Christmas week. That is something I can work on as I need to be effective on demand.

TITLE: No title yet.
WRITTEN BY: margo

What is Your Profound Truth? Deep loss can create unexpected opportunities.

What is the Transformational Journey?
Old Ways: Small town dreams, narrow world-view, unskilled, dependent.

Journey: Brandi finds out her uncle is her father. Most of the town shuns her. Hoping a parachute jump out of a plane will kill her, she finds it exhilarating. She beings training in the extreme sport of parachute surfing and finds she has a knack for it.

New Ways: Independent, respected and well-known by her competitors, successful competing nationally.

Transformational Logline: The product of incest turns a death wish into a successful life as an extreme sport competitor.

Who are your Lead Characters?
Change Agent (the one causing the change): Brandi’s parasurfing coach
Transformable Character(s) (the one who makes the change): The protagonist, Brandi.
Betraying Character (if you have one):
Oppression: Incest taboo.

How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?
A. Relatability – They Are Us!
A young woman is excited about and preparing for her wedding day.
She is innocent, naïve, with small-town aspirations.

B. Intrigue
What are the results of the DNA test?
Is her mother really guilty of incest?
Who is Brandi’s absent uncle/father?

C. Empathy
Fiancé cancels the wedding.
Townspeople, friends, and neighbors shun her.
The rug just got pulled out from under her; her whole future has been destroyed.

D. Likability
She has the courage to confront her mother about who her father is.
She makes a decision to go her own way and rise above her treatment by the townspeople.
She is vulnerable.

Gradient of Change – Forced Change
Emotional Gradient 1: Denial – It’s not true. Mom would never do something like that.
Emotional Gradient 2: Anger – The wedding is canceled and it is her mother’s fault.
Emotional Gradient 3: Bargaining – Brandi tries to figure out how to live on her own
Emotional Gradient 4: Hope – Someone gives her a job and a place to stay
Emotional Gradient 5: Discouragement – Self-doubt that she has the skill to compete in parasurfing
Emotional Gradient 6: Courage – She stands up to her major competitor’s threat
Emotional Gradient 7: Acceptance/Triumph – She is who she is not what her parents did.

Gradient 2. The Action Gradient
Setup: Brandi is about to live her dream of marriage and then making a family
She lives in a small town with small town dreams
A friend pressures her to submit her DNA to an ancestry website to find out who her absent father is

Journey: Results from DNA test come back; her uncle is her father.
The town finds out and shuns her.
Hatred over what her mother did, she leaves her mom’s house and goes out on her own.
Distressed over her beginnings she parachutes from plane hoping it will kill her but finds it exhilarating. Encouraged by her boss’s friend, she gives parasurfing a try and loves it.
The coach sees her natural talent but Brandi believes she isn’t good enough to compete in parasurfing but
her coach enters her in competition anyway. She loses.

Payoff: Brandi makes it to the national level.
Her primary competitor at top level competition threatens to release the nature of her parents to the press if she doesn’t withdraw from competition.
She is who she is, not what her parents did. She stays in the competition and wins.

Gradient 3. The Challenge / Weakness Gradients:

Challenge/Weakness Gradient 1: Her fiancé cancels the wedding/Marriage and family was her dream. No other options.
Challenge/Weakness Gradient 2: Must find a job/no skills
Challenge/Weakness Gradient 3: Courage/despair
Challenge/Weakness Gradient 4: Learn new skill/no athletic training before in her life
Challenge/Weakness Gradient 5: Competes with accomplished athletes/doubts her skill level
Challenge/Weakness Gradient 6: She must decide to walk away or face the shame/Need to protect her mother’s name as much as her own.
Challenge/Weakness Gradient 7: International professional competition/First time competing at this level. Can she make the cut?

What is the transformational Structure of your story.
Act 1

Brandi is planning her wedding. Her big dream is to marry and have a family. The wedding is only weeks away.

Inciting Incident – A friend talks her into submitting DNA to Ancestry dot com. From the results she finds out that her absent uncle is also her father.

Her fiancé cancels the wedding.

In denial she confronts her mother who admits it’s possible.

Turning point: Her dreams are shattered. In anger at what her mother did, Brandi moves out of her mother’s house, but she has no money, no skills, and no knowledge of the world.

Act 2

A friend of her mother’s helps Brandi. He trains her as his receptionist and general go-fer and lets her live in a room at his airplane hangar. Brandi struggles to learn the ropes.

The people in the small town find out about her being the product of incest and shun her. Her old high school friends hassle and torment her.

Turning point: Filled with shame, she has a death wish. She parachutes with her boss hoping it will kill her.

Act 3

Surprisingly, the parachute jump didn’t kill her; in fact, she found it exhilarating.

A friend of her boss talks her into trying parachute surfing. He tells her she has a natural talent and she has hope that maybe life is worth living. Against her wishes, her coach signs her up for a competition. She loses.

She is discouraged but with the help of her coach, she trains harder. She enters other competitions and every time her performance improves. She goes to an intense national competition.

Turning point: Her primary competitor finds out about her past and threatens to release the information to the press if she doesn’t withdraw from the competition.

Act 4

Brandi is torn between her shame and wanting to prove her skill at the competition.

She finds the courage to overcome her shame.

Climax: She competes and wins.

Resolution: Her peers respect her for her skill. She is accepted for who she is, not what her parents did.

How are the “Old Ways” Challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

Challenge through Questioning – Five Question Challenges to 5 Old Ways
1 Do you always do what your mother tells you to?
Brandi is 18 and lives with her mother. She goes from being dependent on her mother to wanting to get married right out of high school and being dependent on her husband.

2 So, your Big Dream is marriage and a family? Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. What will you do when you get divorced?
Brandi lives in a small town and her dreams are not very big.

3 Are you going to let those jerks get under your skin?
Because of Brandi finding out (and then most of the small town finding out) that she is the product of incest, she is full of shame and everyone in town shuns her.

4 Don’t you want to see the world before you settle down? Don’t you know there’s more out there than this little speck on the map?
Brandi lives in a small town and has never been far from it. She is ignorant of the larger world and what it might have to offer.

5 Don’t you want to learn new things? What skills do you have that you could sell in case something happened, like your husband was hurt and couldn’t work or lost his job, or dozen other things?
Brandi has no sellable skills. She is dependent financially on her mother now, and then her husband after her marriage. If something doesn’t change, she will always be dependent.

Challenge by Counterexample – Five Counterexamples to one Old Way (dependence)
1 Brandi is so dependent, she didn’t even learn to drive. Her only transportation is a bicycle.
A friend of her mother’s will let her use his Vespa if she can pass the driving test. She studies and passes.
Driving the scooter is a big lift to independence she didn’t know she was missing.

2 A friend of her mother’s gives her a job as a go-fer. With her own source of income, again she gets a taste of independence.

3 When Brandi jumps out of an airplane on a parachute jump hoping it will kill her but finds it is exhilarating, she gets yet another “feeling” of independence in the free fall.

4 She gets that same “feeling” of freedom from learning parachute surfing and opens a whole new world to her.

5 When she picks up the skills for parachute surfing quickly and starts competing, she sees a new picture of who she is and “gets” what independence might look like.

Challenge by “Should Work, But Doesn’t” – 5 Should Work, But Doesn’t challenges

1 One of Brandi’s Old Ways is her dependency on others to take care of her. She is still living at home with her mother on the threshold of her wedding. Her mother asks Brandi to go get something from the store for the wedding. Brandi reminds her mother that she doesn’t drive and her mother should go get it. Her mother tells Brandi that she scoots around well enough on her bicycle and to go get it on her bike.

2 Brandi doesn’t work and is dependent on her mother for an allowance. Brandi asks her mother for a little extra money. Her mother is neck deep in wedding expenses and refuses.

3 Brandi has a fight with her mother (after the wedding was canceled) and moves out. She goes to the church thinking she can get a room with one of the parishioners. Because the parishioners know she is an incest baby she has become an untouchable, and no one will take her in.

4 Brandi goes to the church’s minister thinking he can get someone to take her in, but he doesn’t want the church to be tainted by her taboo and asks her to stop coming to church.

5 Brandi goes to the high school career counselor to get help finding a job, but because she has no skills; she can’t even get an interview.

Challenge through Living Metaphor – 5 Living Metaphor challenges

1 Brandi has to deal with the fallout of the cancelled wedding. She is “challenged” by what to do with her wedding gown.

2 Brandi is at a total loss. She feels her life is over. She has a death wish. Even though, trying parachuting is something new, she hopes it will kill her so she gives it a try. Her Old Way of doing nothing new is challenged by trying a parachute jump. But, when she finds the jump exhilarating and exciting, her Old Way dissipates.

3 Brandi is dependent on her bicycle for transportation as she never learned to drive. Her employer offers her an old Vespa if she will get her license. This challenges her Old Way of being dependent and not trying anything new.

4 Because the whole small town now knows Brandi is the product of incest, she has become a pariah. She is full of shame and considers herself a pariah, too. Learning to parachute surf is a living metaphor of “rising above” and the beginning of seeing herself differently.

5 Winning the competition at the end of the story is a Living Metaphor that she has overcome the taboo and has “won” in running her life her way.

How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?

Action delivers insight

New Way One: Proud of her accomplishments.
Action: When we meet Brandi, she doesn’t have a driver’s license (even though she is 18). Her only transportation is her bicycle. She studies for and gets her license. She swaps her bicycle for a motor scooter.
She is proud of her accomplishment and a new sense of independence.

New Way Two: Brandi becomes a national figure not a small town nobody.
Action: She shows a natural talent for para-surfing and begins competing. Through hard work, dedication, and grit she works her way up through the ranks of competing at the national level.

New Way Three: Congenial camaraderie with peers instead of being shunned.
Action: When almost the whole small town finds out Brandi is the product of incest, they shun her. Her new peers and fellow competitors accept her. She has a new-found camaraderie.

New Way Four: Brandi is respected for who she is not what her parents did.
Action: Her skills in para-surfing blossom. Her new community respects her for her abilities as she moves up through the ranks of this competitive sport.

New Way Five: Brandi creates her own narrative.
Action: When Brandi loses the only future she could foresee, she moves out of her mother’s home and starts building a life of her own.

Conflict delivers insight

1 Brandi is still living at home, doesn’t have a job, doesn’t even have a driver’s license. She has a fight with her mother and moves out.

2 Brandi, has no place to live and no means to support herself. She goes to her minister and asks for help. Brandi has become a pariah because of the news that she is a child of incest. The minister wants her out of his church and refuses to help her.

3 An old friend of the family lets Brandi stay in a small room in his hanger and pays her to be a go-fer. She is late with an important delivery because her only transportation is a bicycle. Her boss comes down on her. Angry about the late delivery he threatens Brandi: “either get a driver’s license or leave.” She studies and gets the license. This is a big shift toward independence.

4 Brandi’s big dream was marriage and having a family. She goes to her doctor who tells her because of genetic complications from incest, she shouldn’t have children. This internal conflict is resolved and shows independence when she does research to find out about adoption or even foster care.

5 At the end of the story Brandi has a major dilemma. In a national competition her primary competition threatens to go to the press and release her background if she doesn’t withdraw from the competition. This not only is a threat to her, but it also puts a spotlight on her mother. Her decision on how to react to this threat shows at the climax her New Way of independence.

Irony delivers insight

1 Deal: Brandi’s friend dares her to have her DNA tested to find out who her father is. She finds her father alright, but finds he is her uncle.

2 Credit (but I changed it to Blame): Brandi is on a go-fer errand for her boss. Her ex-fiancé puts a hole in her bicycle tire which makes her late and she gets chewed out for not doing her job.

3 Credit (but I changed it to Blame): Brandi blames her mother for intentional incest with her brother, but we find out her mother was gang-raped while she was unconscious and she didn’t know who the father was.

4 Identity: As Brandi wins more competitions and comes into her own, her relationship with her mother goes south; that is, she loses sight of what’s important.

5 Deal: Brandi’s coach enters her into her first competition against her wishes. But she goes along with it. To everyone’s surprise including her own, she places in the competition. She is better than anyone thought (except her coach).

What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?

Pattern A: Height of the Emotion

Emotional moment 1 – A friend has talked Brandi in to submitting DNA to ancestry dot com to find out who her unknown father is. The test comes back and she finds out her father is her uncle. She runs the gambit of shock, denial, and anger. This new information shakes Brandi’s world.

Dialog line – She asks herself: “What does that make me?”

Emotional moment 2 – Brandi’s big dream is marriage and a family. When her fiancé finds out she is an incest baby, he cancels the wedding. Brandi’s future just got pulled out from underneath her. She has lost everything she wanted out of life.

Dialog line – Brandi to her fiancé: “I wanted to grow old with you. This isn’t what love looks like.”

Emotional moment 3 – Brandi’s first para-surfing lesson. It exhilarates her. She feels free for the first time in her life. (She is a bit of a goody-goody and doesn’t swear.) She returns to shore.

Dialog line – To her coach: “Hot damn.”

Emotional moment 4 – Brandi’s major competitor threatens to expose her past if she doesn’t withdraw from the competition. This is a dilemma moment for Brandi. This threat throws her back into shame and she regresses. She pulls herself up by the bootstraps.

Dialog line – To her competitor – “Bite me. Expose me. Humph. We’ll just see what gets exposed.”

Emotional moment 5 – Brandi is learning para-surfing. Her teacher sees potential in her and enters her in a local competition. She adamantly refuses. She is only a beginner.

Dialog line – Brandi to her coach: “You’re crazy. I won’t go.” Coach to Brandi: You gotta stretch your wings, kid.”

Pattern B: Build Meaning Over Multiple Scenes

Early in Act 1 – The song “Faithfully” plays. Brandi is young and naïve. Brandi (talking about her fiancé): “Faithfully. And, forever.”
Here the meaning is complete commitment.

Middle of Act 1 – Brandi’s fiancé cancels the wedding when he finds out Brandi is an incest baby. Brandi says: “Faithfully.”
This time it is said sarcastically meaning he broke his promise.

Somewhere in Act 2 – Brandi sees her former fiancé with another woman on his arm. Brandi says: “Faithfully.”
The meaning he’s a creep and she’s is lucky she escaped being stuck in a marriage with him.

Act 3 – Brandi is successful and a national celebrity in her sport. Her fiancé approaches her wanting to move forward with the marriage. Brandi says “Faithfully.”
The meaning here is that she is now faithful to herself and he can take a hike.

DIALOG LINE 2: “WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?”

In scene 4 of Act 1 Brandi finds out her uncle is her father and asks her friend “What does that make me?”
The meaning here is she thinks she is something dirty, icky, creepy.

At the end of Act 1 Brandi is still living with her mother. She asks her mother “What does that make me?”
The meaning here is if she stays with her mother does that imply she condones her mother’s action.

Somewhere in Act 2 Brandi goes to a doctor to ask questions about being an incest baby. She asks him “What does that make me?”
Here she means is she some sort of mutant? If she has children, they will also be freaks?

At the Crisis in Act 3, Brandi is threatened by a competitor to withdraw or he will tell the press about her being an incest baby. She talks it over with a friend. “If I compete and he spreads this about me, what does that make me?” Here she is aware that her mother’s name will also be drug through the mud. If she competes, is she being selfish?
The meaning here is to confirm by her friend who answers the question with: “A winner.”

DIALOG LINE 3: “It’s good.”

At the very beginning of the script (Act 1 scene 2) Brandi is working on her wedding decorations. Her friend tells her “It’s good.”
The meaning here is that everyone will love it.

In Act 2 after Brandi moves out of her mother’s home, has no place to live and can’t get a job, an old friend of the family offers her a job as a go-fer. He shows her a small utility room where he will let her stay. She looks over the room and says: “It’s good.”
The meaning here is that it is better than living on the street.

After her coach sees how quickly Brandi picks up para-surfing he says: “It’s good.”
The meaning here is that he sees potential in her and starts her on serious training to compete.

Brandi’s coach enters her in a competition against Brandi’s wishes. She says, “Yeah, it’s good.”
The meaning here is sarcastically the opposite: she is scared and doesn’t want to go through with it.

At the very end Brandi and her mother reconcile. Her mother congratulates her on winning a national competition and making something of herself. Brandi’s reply: “It’s good.”
The meaning here is she can face whatever life throws at her.

How Do You Leave Us With A Profound Ending?
Deliver The Profound Truth Profoundly
Brandi wins a national competition. She is successful in a bigger world. She no longer is limited by the horizon of small-minded people in a small town.

Lead Characters Ending Represents The Change
Brandi’s world collapsed when she found out she was the product of incest. But because her dream life disintegrated, she found an unexpected world that opened up to her and an unknown potential.

Payoff Key Setups
Answers to: Will Brandi give up on life because her dream is gone? Will Brandi rise above the taboo and the shunning of the town’s people? Is this new life too big for her? Does she have the “right stuff”?

Surprising, But Inevitable
There is more to Brandi than even she realizes. Turning a death wish into a commitment to hone a natural talent surprises Brandi as well as us. But it was inevitable because she was always bigger and had more potential than the limited horizon of her small town.

Leave Us with a Profound Parting Image/Line
Throughout the story Brandi asks herself “what does that make me?” when she finds out her uncle is her father. The final image is Brandi winning a national competition and her friend answers that question by saying: “A winner.”

[margo meck]

Margo Builds Meaning with Dialogue

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” There was one line I thought would be very effective if used only once. If I used it more, it would lose its punch. Without a written script to work with, coming up with these lines seemed forced. But the exercise did help me see how this could be a powerful tool in my toolbox. When Hal pushed the start date out a week, I also learned it’s hard to work on my writing during Christmas. :o(

Three lines from my script I made up for this exercise (the script isn’t written).

DIALOG LINE 1 FROM THE SONG “FAITHFULLY” BY JOURNEY

Early in Act 1 – The song “Faithfully” plays. Brandi is young and naïve. Brandi (talking about her fiancé): “Faithfully. And, forever."
Here the meaning is complete commitment.

Middle of Act 1 – Brandi’s fiancé cancels the wedding when he finds out Brandi is an incest baby. Brandi says: “Faithfully.”
This time it is said sarcastically meaning he broke his promise.

Somewhere in Act 2 – Brandi sees her former fiancé with another woman on his arm. Brandi says: “Faithfully.”
The meaning he’s a creep and she’s is lucky she escaped being stuck in a marriage with him.

Act 3 – Brandi is successful and a national celebrity in her sport. Her fiancé approaches her wanting to move forward with the marriage. Brandi says “Faithfully.”
The meaning here is that she is now faithful to herself and he can take a hike.

DIALOG LINE 2: “WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME?”

In scene 4 of Act 1 Brandi finds out her uncle is her father and asks her friend “What does that make me?”
The meaning here is she thinks she is something dirty, icky, creepy.

At the end of Act 1 Brandi is still living with her mother. She asks her mother “What does that make me?”
The meaning here is if she stays with her mother does that imply she condones her mother’s action?

Somewhere in Act 2 Brandi goes to a doctor to ask questions about being an incest baby. She asks him “What does that make me?”
Here she means is she some sort of mutant? If she has children, they will also be freaks?

At the Crisis in Act 3, Brandi is threatened by a competitor to withdraw or he will tell the press about her being an incest baby. She talks it over with a friend. “If I compete and he spreads this about me, what does that make me?” Here she is aware that her mother’s name will also be drug through the mud. If she competes, is she being selfish?
The meaning here is to confirm by her friend who answers the question with: “A winner.”

DIALOG LINE 3: “IT’S GOOD.”

At the very beginning of the script (Act 1 scene 2) Brandi is working on her wedding decorations. Her friend tells her “It’s good.”
The meaning here is that everyone will love it.

In Act 2 after Brandi moves out of her mother’s home, has no place to live and can’t get a job, an old friend of the family offers her a job as a go-fer. He shows her a small utility room where he will let her stay. She looks over the room and says: “It’s good.”
The meaning here is that it is better than living on the street.

After her coach sees how quickly Brandi picks up para-surfing he says: “It’s good.”
The meaning here is that he sees potential in her and starts her on serious training to compete.

Brandi’s coach enters her in a competition against Brandi’s wishes. She says, “Yeah, it’s good.”
The meaning here is sarcastically the opposite: she is scared and doesn’t want to go through with it.

At the very end Brandi and her mother reconcile. Her mother congratulates her on winning a national competition and making something of herself. Brandi’s reply: “It’s good.”
The meaning here is she can face whatever life throws at her.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Height of the Emotion

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” What the impact a good piece of dialog can have. In Seabiscuit the trainer is asked “How does he look?” I would have said something like “Slow” or “Lazy.” But what the trainer actually says is: “Asleep.” That single word just nails it. This lesson helps me see that I could come up with something that simple and yet captures the essence.

Emotional moment 1 – A friend has talked Brandi in to submitting DNA to ancestry dot com to find out who her unknown father is. The test comes back and she finds out her father is her uncle. She runs the gambit of shock, denial, and anger. This new information shakes Brandi’s world.

Dialog line – She asks herself: “What does that make me?”

Emotional moment 2 – Brandi’s big dream is marriage and a family. When her fiancé finds out she is an incest baby, he cancels the wedding. Brandi’s future just got pulled out from underneath her. She has lost everything she wanted out of life.

Dialog line – Brandi to her fiancé: “I wanted to grow old with you. This isn’t what love looks like.”

Emotional moment 3 – Brandi’s first para-surfing lesson. It exhilarates her. She feels free for the first time in her life. (She is a bit of a goody-goody and doesn’t swear.) She returns to shore.

Dialog line – To her coach: “Hot damn.”

Emotional moment 4 – Brandi’s major competitor threatens to expose her past if she doesn’t withdraw from the competition. This is a dilemma moment for Brandi. This threat throws her back into shame and she regresses. She pulls herself up by the bootstraps.

Dialog line – To her competitor – “Bite me. Expose me. Humph. We’ll just see what gets exposed.”

Emotional moment 5 – Brandi is learning para-surfing. Her teacher sees potential in her and enters her in a local competition. She adamantly refuses. She is only a beginner.

Dialog line – Brandi to her coach: “You’re crazy. I won’t go.” Coach to Brandi: You gotta stretch your wings, kid.”

[margo meck]

Margo Delivers Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is…?” That I don’t “get” irony. Even with Hal’s description and examples, I struggled coming up with these examples and they might not even be true irony.

Insight I want the audience to experience – Things aren’t always what you think they are.

1 Deal: Brandi’s friend dares her to have her DNA tested to find out who her father is. She finds her father alright, but finds he is her uncle.

2 Credit (but I changed it to Blame): Brandi is on a go-fer errand for her boss. Her ex-fiancé puts a hole in her bicycle tire which makes her late and she gets chewed out for not doing her job.

3 Credit (but I changed it to Blame): Brandi blames her mother for intentional incest with her brother, but we find out her mother was gang-raped while she was unconscious and she didn’t know who the father was.

4 Identity: As Brandi wins more competitions and comes into her own, her relationship with her mother goes south; that is, she loses sight of what’s important.

5 Deal: Brandi’s coach enters her into her first competition against her wishes. But she goes along with it. To everyone’s surprise including her own, she places in the competition. She is better than anyone thought (except her coach).

[margo meck]

Margo’s Delivers Insights Through Conflict

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” The power of asking “what do I want the audience to experience?” I looked at my New Ways / Insights in a new way based on asking this question.

What is the New Way / Insight you want to deliver?
Brandi goes from being very dependent and being taken care of to being independent and self-sufficient. The New Way I want to deliver is Brandi becoming more and more independent.

Five different ways using conflict to express an insight:

1 Brandi is still living at home, doesn’t have a job, doesn’t even have a driver’s license. She has a fight with her mother and moves out.

2 Brandi, has no place to live and no means to support herself. She goes to her minister and asks for help. Brandi has become a pariah because of the news that she is a child of incest. The minister wants her out of his church and refuses to help her.

3 An old friend of the family lets Brandi stay in a small room in his hanger and pays her to be a go-fer. She is late with an important delivery because her only transportation is a bicycle. Her boss comes down on her. Angry about the late delivery he threatens Brandi: “either get a driver’s license or leave.” She studies and successfully gets her license. This is a big shift toward independence.

4 Brandi’s big dream was marriage and having a family. She goes to her doctor who tells her because of genetic complications from incest, she shouldn’t have children. This internal conflict is resolved and shows independence when she does research to find out about adoption or even foster care.

5 At the end of the story Brandi has a major dilemma. In a national competition her primary competition threatens to go to the press and release her background if she doesn’t withdraw from the competition. This not only is a threat to her, but it also puts a spotlight on her mother. Her decision on how to react to this threat shows at the climax her New Way of independence.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Seabiscuit Analysis

What I learned doing this assignment is…?” I learned some of the differences between an event being emotional and it being profound. I will claim this as my “Breakthrough” for this week :o)

There were many many emotional scenes in this film, but there weren’t that many scenes that were actually profound for me. Here are a few of them:

1 When Smith stopped the white horse from being shot for having a fractured foot. Later this action is put into dialog: “You don’t throw a whole life away just ‘cause he’s banged up a little.” This was profound for me because it seems that throwing away a life happens too often in the modern world including a person throwing his/her own life away. This scene hit me hard.

2 The “He fouled me” scene was profound for me. Red was compelled to fight back instead of focusing on the big picture of winning the race. This was profound for me because there was a time in my life when it was more important to “be right” than to see the big picture. Red was “fighting” for the wrong thing. One of the “Truths” of the film might be: “Keep your eyes on the prize.”

3 Smith says about Seabiscuit: “He’s forgotten what he was born to do. He just needs to learn how to be a horse again.” This was profound to me because this seems to happen too often in life. We get beat down and lose any notion of what we were “born to do.” Smith has some ideas about what they need to do to help Seabiscuit “learn how to be a horse again.” Where is our manual about how we can find our way and get back in the race?

[margo meck]

Margo Turns Insights into Action

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” I think this assignment just confirmed my view on this medium that the point is to “show not tell” through dialog. However, I also learned that the Action could be emphasized by reiterating it through dialog.

New Way One: Proud of her accomplishments.
Action: When we meet Brandi, she doesn’t have a driver’s license (even though she is 18). Her only transportation is her bicycle. She studies for and gets her license. She swaps her bicycle for a motor scooter. She is proud of her accomplishment and a new sense of independence.

New Way Two: Brandi becomes a national figure not a small town nobody.
Action: She shows a natural talent for para-surfing and begins competing. Through hard work, dedication, and grit she works her way up through the ranks of competing at the national level.

New Way Three: Congenial camaraderie with peers instead of being shunned.
Action: When almost the whole small town finds out Brandi is the product of incest, they shun her. Her new peers and fellow competitors accept her. She has a new-found camaraderie.

New Way Four: Brandi is respected for who she is not what her parents did.
Action: Her skills in para-surfing blossom. Her new community respects her for her abilities as she moves up through the ranks of this competitive sport.

New Way Five: Brandi creates her own narrative.
Action: When Brandi loses the only future she could foresee, she moves out of her mother’s home and starts building a life of her own.

[margo meck]

Margo’s 12 Angry Men Analysis

What I learned doing this assignment is…? Well, I learned I’m not very good at analysis. I could see the beliefs and how they were challenged, but I couldn’t break it down by “habits, assumptions, filters of perception, beliefs, social values, rules, etc.”

Old Ways: Belief that the knife was one of a kind that belonged to the boy.
Challenge: An identical knife was produced from a pawn shop in the boy’s neighborhood.

Old Ways: Belief that the old man with a gimpy leg could walk down the hallway in 15 seconds.
Challenge: Simulation of similar circumstances that took 45 seconds.

Old Ways: Belief that the man heard the boy threaten to kill his father.
Challenge: Introduce doubt that the yelling could be heard over the noise of the “L” passing by.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Living Metaphors

“What I learned doing this assignment is…? That I get “Should Work but Don’t” challenges, but this metaphor thing is a little vague in my mind. I need more work on this. Maybe an AI session on this would help me.

5 Should Work, But Doesn't challenges

1 One of Brandi’s Old Ways is her dependency on others to take care of her. She is still living at home with her mother on the threshold of her wedding. Her mother asks Brandi to go get something from the store for the wedding. Brandi reminds her mother that she doesn’t drive and her mother should go get it. Her mother tells Brandi that she scoots around well enough on her bicycle and to go get it on her bike.

2 Brandi doesn’t work and is dependent on her mother for an allowance. Brandi asks her mother for a little extra money. Her mother is neck deep in wedding expenses and refuses.

3 Brandi has a fight with her mother (after the wedding was canceled) and moves out. She goes to the church thinking she can get a room with one of the parishioners. Because the parishioners know she is an incest baby she has become an untouchable, and no one will take her in.

4 Brandi goes to the church’s minister thinking he can get someone to take her in, but he doesn’t want the church to be tainted by her taboo and asks her to stop coming to church.

5 Brandi goes to the high school career counselor to get help finding a job, but because she has no skills; she can’t even get an interview.

5 Living Metaphor challenges

1 Brandi has to deal with the fallout of the cancelled wedding. She is “challenged” by what to do with her wedding gown.

2 Brandi is at a total loss. She feels her life is over. She has a death wish. Even though, trying parachuting is something new, she hopes it will kill her so she gives it a try. Her Old Way of doing nothing new is challenged by trying a parachute jump. But, when she finds the jump exhilarating and exciting, her Old Way dissipates.

3 Brandi is dependent on her bicycle for transportation as she never learned to drive. Her employer offers her an old Vespa if she will get her license. This challenges her Old Way of being dependent and not trying anything new.

4 Because the whole small town now knows Brandi is the product of incest, she has become a pariah. She is full of shame and considers herself a pariah, too. Learning to parachute surf is a living metaphor of “rising above” and the beginning of seeing herself differently.

5 Winning the competition at the end of the story is a Living Metaphor that she has overcome the taboo and has “won” in running her life her way.

• This reply was modified 5 months ago by  margo meck.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Counterexamples and Question Challenges

What I learned doing this assignment is…? Not only do I need to figure out how to show the Old Ways so that I can question them, but which Old Ways would be the best to emphasize.

Five Question Challenges to 5 Old Ways

1 Do you always do what your mother tells you to?
Brandi is 18 and lives with her mother. She goes from being dependent on her mother to wanting to get married right out of high school and being dependent on her husband.

2 So, your Big Dream is marriage and a family? Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. What will you do when you get divorced?
Brandi lives in a small town and her dreams are not very big.

3 Are you going to let those jerks get under your skin?
Because of Brandi finding out (and then most of the small town finding out) that she is the product of incest, she is full of shame and everyone in town shuns her.

4 Don’t you want to see the world before you settle down? Don’t you know there’s more out there than this little speck on the map?
Brandi lives in a small town and has never been far from it. She is ignorant of the larger world and what it might have to offer.

5 Don’t you want to learn new things? What skills do you have that you could sell in case something happened, like your husband was hurt and couldn’t work or lost his job, or dozen other things?
Brandi has no sell-able skills. She is dependent financially on her mother now, and then her husband after her marriage. If something doesn’t change, she will always be dependent.

Five Counterexamples to one Old Way (dependence)

1 Brandi is so dependent, she didn’t even learn to drive. Her only transportation is a bicycle.
A friend of her mother’s will let her use his Vespa if she can pass the driving test. She studies and passes. Driving the scooter is a big lift to independence she didn’t know she was missing.

2 A friend of her mother’s gives her a job as a go-fer. With her own source of income, again she gets a taste of independence.

3 When Brandi jumps out of an airplane on a parachute jump hoping it will kill her but finds it is exhilarating, she gets yet another “feeling” of independence in the free fall.

4 She gets that same “feeling” of freedom from learning parachute surfing and opens a whole new world to her.

5 When she picks up the skills for parachute surfing quickly and starts competing, she sees a new picture of who she is and “gets” what independence might look like.

• This reply was modified 5 months ago by  margo meck.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Old Ways Challenge Chart

What I learned doing this assignment is:…? I realized that the “Old Ways” are both internal in protagonist’s emotions and world view as well as external in her actions and reactions.

Old Ways – Wants a marriage
Challenge – Fiancé cancels wedding

Old Way – Wants a family
Challenge – With genetic complications of being an incest baby, can’t have children

Old Ways – Angry at what her Mother did
Challenge – Moves out of home but with no skills, can’t support herself

Old Ways – Worldview she will be taken care of
Challenge – Harsh reality that the only thing she can rely on is herself

Old Ways – In despair she has a death wish.
Challenge – Goes for a parachute jump hoping it will kill her.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  margo meck.
• This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  margo meck.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Profound Ending

What I learned doing this assignment is. . .how important it is to have a destination in mind and a map to get there.

1. My Profound Truth is “devastating loss can lead to a bigger life.” At the end of my story my protagonist is recognized as a world-class athlete by winning an international competition.

2. My Transformable Character (the protagonist) goes from losing her big dream of marriage and having a family to stepping onto the world stage of international sports competition.

3. The setups/payoffs in the end of this movie that give it deep meaning include: the protagonist begins the story with having a small-town world view and small dreams and at the end, her world has expanded to being on the world stage by participating in international competition.

She goes from being shunned by her community by small minded people because of what her parents did, to being accepted and respected by her peers for who she is and her extraordinary talent and not measured by what her parents did.

4. The taboo of incest follows her throughout the story and she is riddled with shame. Even in the final act she has the choice to walk away from the competition in order to keep her taboo a secret. Her decision to face the threat and continue with the competition is surprising. Her determination kicks her talent into high gear and she wins the competition which is also “inevitable but surprising.”

5. The Parting Image that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds is that her ex-fiancé attends the competition wanting to reconcile because of her huge success, but he can’t get through the crowd to her because she is surrounded by friends and fellow competitors cheering her first big win. (I don’t have a final line yet that would leave us with the Profound Truth yet.)

• This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  margo meck.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Connection with Audience

What I learned doing this assignment is…? That the writer can intentionally suck an audience into the story using specific types of human connections.

The four ways of connecting Brandi with the audience in the first 30 minutes:

Relatability
A young woman is excited about and preparing for her wedding day.
She is innocent, naïve, with small-town aspirations.

Intrigue
What are the results of the DNA test?
Is her mother really guilty of incest?
Who is Brandi’s absent uncle/father?

Empathy
Fiancé cancels the wedding.
Townspeople, friends, and neighbors shun her.
The rug just got pulled out from under her; her whole future has been destroyed.

Likability
She has the courage to confront her mother about who her father is.
She makes a decision to go her own way and rise above her treatment by the townspeople.
She is vulnerable.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by  margo meck.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Transformational Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is: how designing the story just falls into place when the Emotional Gradient, Action Gradient, and Challenge/Weakness Gradient have already been identified and developed. The story is starting to take shape.

Transformational Logline: The product of incest turns a death wish into a successful life as an extreme sport competitor.

The main character is the protagonist who is the Transformational Character.

4-Act Structure

Act 1

Brandi is planning her wedding. Her big dream is to marry and have a family. The wedding is only weeks away.

Inciting Incident – A friend talks her into submitting DNA to Ancestry dot com. From the results she finds out that her absent uncle is also her father.

Her fiancé cancels the wedding.

In denial she confronts her mother who admits it’s possible.

Turning point: Her dreams are shattered. In anger at what her mother did, Brandi moves out of her mother’s house, but she has no money, no skills, and no knowledge of the world.

Act 2

A friend of her mother’s helps Brandi. He trains her as his receptionist and general go-fer and lets her live in a room at his airplane hangar. Brandi struggles to learn the ropes.

The people in the small town find out about her being the product of incest and shun her. Her old high school friends hassle and torment her.

Turning point: Filled with shame, she has a death wish. She parachutes with her boss hoping it will kill her.

Act 3

Surprisingly, the parachute jump didn’t kill her; in fact, she found it exhilarating.

A friend of her boss talks her into trying parachute surfing. He tells her she has a natural talent and she has hope that maybe life is worth living. Against her wishes, her coach signs her up for a competition. She loses.

She is discouraged but with the help of her coach, she trains harder. She enters other competitions and every time her performance improves. She goes to an intense national competition.

Turning point: Her primary competitor finds out about her past and threatens to release the information to the press if she doesn’t withdraw from the competition.

Act 4

Brandi is torn between her shame and wanting to prove her skill at the competition.

She finds the courage to overcome her shame.

Climax: She competes and wins.

Resolution: Her peers respect her for her skill. She is accepted for who she is, not what her parents did.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by  margo meck.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Three Gradients

What I learned doing this assignment is…?
I found that combining aspects of the Forced Change Emotional Gradient and the Desired Change Gradient worked best for this story. Trying to force the story into one type of emotional gradient didn’t serve the story.

What is the Emotional Gradient you’ll use?
I used a combination of the Forced Change and Desired Change Gradients:
EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Denial
ACTION GRADIENT: Through DNA test she finds out her parents were brother and sister. She believes the test results are wrong.
CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT: Her fiancé cancels the wedding/Marriage and family was her dream. No other options.

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Anger
ACTION GRADIENT: Hatred over what her mother did, she leaves her mom’s house and goes out on her own.
CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT: Must find a job/no skills

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Bargaining
ACTION GRADIENT: Parachutes from plane hoping it will kill her but finds it exhilarating. CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT: Courage/despair

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Hope
ACTION GRADIENT: She gives parasurfing a try and loves it.
CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT: Learn new skill/no athletic training before in her life

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Discouragement
ACTION GRADIENT: Believes she isn’t good enough to compete in parasurfing but her coach enters her in competition anyway. She loses.
CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT: Competes with accomplished athletes/doubts her skill level

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Courage
ACTION GRADIENT: Her primary competitor at top level competition threatens to release the nature of her parents to the press if she doesn’t withdraw from competition.
CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT: She must decide to walk away or face the shame/Need to protect her mother’s name as much as her own.

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Acceptance/Triumph
ACTION GRADIENT: She is who she is, not what her parents did. She stays in the competition and wins.
CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT: International professional competition/First time competing at this level. Can she make the cut?

[margo meck]

ANALYZE DEAD POET SOCIETY

1. What
   is the change this movie is about?

Follow your own path. Become your own person.

What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?

The boys go from being molded by an oppressive environment, to being drunk on freedom, to making choices on how to live life on their own terms.

2. Lead
   characters:

<ul type=”circle”>

3. Who
   is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right
   character to cause the change?

The teacher, John Keating. He was a former student himself at this school and knows how it operates.

<ul type=”circle”>
2. Who
   is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what
   makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?

The five boys. They are all forced to follow the dictates of the school and their parents, but they recognize the spark of hope Keating offers.

<ul type=”circle”>
2. What
   is the Oppression?

Being forced into a mold that doesn’t suit them. The primary Oppression is the school, but it is also the home environment and peer pressure.

3. How
   are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with
   this story?

The stark contrast between how the boys are in public and how they are in private among themselves. What drew me into the story was that I resonated with encouragement to fight against what clearly would inhibit the boys’ developing their unique voice.

4. Looking
   at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound
   journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way:
   Identify their new way at the conclusion:

Ethan Hawkes changed the most.

His “Old Ways” were to avoid interaction. He couldn’t speak in a group situation, not even among friends.

His “New Ways” were dramatically shown at the end of the movie when he was the first of the boys to stand on his desk and utter: “My Captain. My Captain.”

5. What
   is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character
   go through as they were changing?

The boys went from being obedient to being drunk on independence to the point of being irresponsible to claiming their unique voice.

6. How is
   the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main
   character(s) to shift their perspective…and make the change?

All the boys (except Cameron) make changes. Knox goes from being starstruck by Chris to being a persistent but more subtle suitor. Neil Perry goes against his father’s demands, something that would never have happened before Keating. When he sees his future life as condemned to the Waste Land, he takes the only road he sees as his option; a tragic choice, but a declaration of his escape from the oppression.

7. What
   are the most profound moments of the movie?

Neil’s suicide is pretty profound and its effect on the rest of the boys tempers their rash enthusiasm.

8. What
   are the most profound lines of the movie?

I especially remember Keating admonishing the boys to “suck the marrow of life, but don’t choke on the bone.” Freedom isn’t chaos and it demands responsibility.

9. How
   does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?

Keating got to witness that he had done some good (not all teachers get to see their efforts pay off). The boys’ rigid adherence to the school’s oppression is rejected powerfully at the end. Each of the boys travelled the full arc. Perhaps even Cameron recognized at the end what he would never have.

10. What
    is the Profound Truth of this movie?

The movie is not just about “seize the day.” For this “coming of age” story it’s about becoming who you were meant to be and not be forced into a mold that doesn’t fit.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Lead Characters

What I learned doing this assignment is…That the Change Agent might have to “go through Hell trying to change people.” This is a completely new thought to me and will require restructuring my story.

Transformational journey logline: The product of incest turns a death wish into a successful life as an extreme sport competitor.

Change Agent: Parachute surfing coach

Vision: To make protagonist international competitor

Past experience that fits that vision: He was also an outcast that became a successful competitor

Transformable Character: When the protagonist discovers she is the product of incest she wants to crawl in a hole and gives up on life. But she turns a death wish (jumping out of an airplane parachuting) into competing in an international sport (parasurfing).

Oppression: When the protagonist discovers she is the product of incest, her world collapses. Her fiancé cancels the wedding, people of her small town shun her, because of hatred of what her mother did she moves out of her mother’s home but totally unprepared to support herself. Surprisingly, she finds an untapped strength of character and with the support of her coach finds a new world where she is valued for who she is, not what her parents did.

Betraying Character: This might be the mother of the protagonist’s fiancé. As the story now stands, I don’t have a betraying character. There is the possibility that one of her primary parasurfing competitors betrays her.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is: that I didn’t know my story well enough to apply the Profound model. So, I switched the story I am using for this class that I am more familiar with (and posted Lesson 2’s response with this new story).

Logline: The product of incest turns a death wish into a successful life as an extreme sport competitor.

Old Ways:

– Small town dreams

– Shame

– Shunned

– Narrow world view

– Following the dominant narrative

New Ways:

– International competitor

– Proud of accomplishments

– Congenial comradery with peers because of her skill level

– Respected in her sport and as a person

– A bigger world

– Creating her own narrative

[margo meck]

Margo’s First Three Decisions- FYI I changed the story I am using to apply the Profound Model.

What I learned doing this assignment: is way to garner more clarity on what my story is “really” about.

Profound Truth: Loss can create new opportunities.

Audience Change: Resilience in the face of loss.

Entertainment Vehicle: Sports. Losing her dream of marriage and family, she finds an unexpected talent in competitive parachute surfing.

[margo meck]

Margo’s First Three Decisions

What I learned doing this assignment: is way to garner more clarity on what my story is “really” about.

Profound Truth: One’s identity isn’t static. People are puzzles; the piece your see isn’t the whole picture.

Audience Change: See yourself and others with a wider lens.

Entertainment Vehicle: Projection. Seeking to know her enigmatic brother by retracing his steps, she learns more about herself.

• This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by  margo meck.

[margo meck]

Margo’s Analysis of Groundhog Day

What I learned doing this assignment is: that I can learn more from looking at what’s right and what’s working than criticizing what’s wrong. Analyzing is not the same as critiquing or criticizing.

1. What is the CHANGE this movie is about? What is the Transformational Journey of this movie?
Perhaps the CHANGE is that the most despicable has the potential for redemption.
Phil’s change is about going from self-centered and shallow to caring about &amp; for others.

2. Lead characters:
o Who is the Change Agent (the one causing the change) and what makes this the right character to cause the change?
Town of Punxsutawney won’t release Phil until he gets in touch with his humanity and learns to appreciate the little things in life.
o Who is the Transformable Character (the one who makes the change) and what makes them the right character to deliver this profound journey?
Phil is the Transformable Character. He is too self-important to see the simple charms that surround him.

o What is the Oppression?
The Oppression is being caught in the trap of repeating the same day over and over with no way out.

3. How are we lured into the profound journey? What causes us to connect with this story?

4. Looking at the character(s) who are changed the most, what is the profound journey? From “old ways” to “new way of being.” Identify their old way: Identify their new way at the conclusion:

Phil’s “old ways” are arrogance and disdain; he puts everyone down; he appreciates no one. In his “new ways” he is selfless, he has surrendered to life having given up on even trying to kill himself; in each day he assists someone else; he is patient with maybe even a touch of wisdom, something completely lacking at the beginning.

5. What is the gradient the change? What steps did the Transformational Character go through as they were changing?
The gradients were so subtle I didn’t even notice them the first time through. At first it appears his take on the situation is that whatever he does there will be no consequences. It seems at first he is actually going backwards. His movement forward is baby steps but he gains momentum as the story unfolds.

6. How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

7. What are the most profound moments of the movie?
A profound moment for me: In his utter despair at ever getting out of his interminable loop he completely gives up and attempts to take his life as his only way to escape. The message: shortcuts don’t work. The only way out is through.

8. What are the most profound lines of the movie?
At the very beginning Phil says: “People are morons.” That sums up how Phil feels about everyone but himself. The sets up who he is and the path he needs to take.

9. How does the ending payoff the setups of this movie?
Phil goes from being disliked by everyone who interacts with him to being the most popular guy in town. But only through lessons learned and a major shift in his world view.

10. What is the Profound Truth of this movie?
Even the worst of us has the potential to become a better person. If Phil can do it, I can.

[margo meck]

Hello all.

My name is margo. I’ve written 5 feature length scripts and 4 shorts. I have taken the ProSeries, the Rewrite class, and all of the AI classes. I started the comedy class, but am putting it aside to focus on the Profound class.

I hope to get out of this class more tools for my toolbox and a means to elevate my writing.

One of the few special things about me is that I had the privilege to work with Stewart Stern (screenwriter of “Rebel Without a Cause” and “Sybil)” for a brief period in his later years.

We look forward to working with you all!

[margo meck]

margo meck

I agree to the terms of this release form.

GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.