Mariannjely Garcia
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Mariannjely’s Thriller Map Version 1
Hi! I would love some feedback, ad thank you so much in advance. My email is mariannjely@gmail.com
TITLE: The Aftertaste.
LOGLINE: After finding a body inside a winery barrel, an international student must find her way out of a beauty cult before becoming the next victim.
OPENING:
INT. WINE AGING ROOM – NIGHT
NICK (24) blasts music in his air pods as he rolls a wine barrel. He positions the barrel in the corner of the room and exits. Suddenly, knocks come from the barrel. There is someone inside! An exhausted woman’s scream is heard right before going silent. A security camera films.
INCITING ACCIDENT:
INT. VENEZUELA APARTMENT – NIGHT
ARIANA (22) pours herself a glass of wine while her roommates watch the Miss Venezuela pageant on the TV. She gets an email notification from “Spend the Summer in a Vineyard in the USA.” She sent her video application just the day before. It’s too soon to hear from them, isn’t? One of her roommates opens the email and reads it. She takes a bit to tell Ariana but finally screams. “You are in!”
INT. VINEYARD – DAY
Ariana arrives at the beautiful Vineyard after a long ride from the airport to the countryside in California. Nick drove her and other young foreign women selected for the summer program at the Vineyard. Their passports are taken to be put in a safe at the entrance. Ariana notices there are cameras everywhere, and her phone has no service. She asks one of the friendly Hispanic employees about it, and before he can answer, KAREN (55), the owner of the Vineyard, enters, explaining WIFI is available in our common area. The security cameras are for everyone’s safety. Karen is the definition of “aging like fine wine”, charming and overaccommodating with the foreign women while giving them a tour of the property and telling them about the Vineyard’s upcoming events: wine tasting and auction coming up. At the end of the tour, the foreign women are requested to draw blood for drug testing protocols. Ariana initially refuses because she hates needles, but when the option is to be sent back home, she agrees to the test. The foreign women enjoy food and drinks after. A couple of days later, Ariana wakes up to the news that one of the foreign women needs to be sent home. Her blood tests showed she had blood cancer and needed treatment immediately.
TURNING POINT 1:
INT. SECURITY ROOM – DAY
Nick, who has been flirting with Ariana, watches her through the cameras. Karen enters, and they begin to kiss. He is Karen’s lover. Can Ariana trust him?
MIDPOINT:
INT. WINE AGING ROOM – NIGHT
After being told they can’t drink anything in the wine tasting, Ariana finds a way to get a taste of it secretly. When she gets an aftertaste of it, she is curious about the ingredients, and stumbles into the wine aging room. She finds a dead body inside a barrel. The body is the woman who was sent home “because she had blood cancer.” Ariana screams. Nick comes out of nowhere and covers her mouth.
TURNING POINT 2:
INT. TASTING ROOM – NIGHT
Nick has told Ariana that Karen selects young foreign women to come to the vineyard and then force them to donate their blood for as long as they are young. It’s the key ingredient in creating the anti-aging popular wine that satisfies her elite clientele of 40+ older women. Now working together, Ariana and Nick plan to escape that night during the auction. But Karen gets ahead of them. Karen kills Nick and locks Ariana in a room, where she sees the other locked women drawing blood. Ariana offers Karen a deal: her life in exchange for more foreign women she can recruit.
CLIMAX:
INT. VINEYARD – NIGHT
Ariana gets access to WIFI and contacts the police. The police come, but sooner than later, she realizes they work for Karen too. Ariana tries to escape, but Karen locks her again. A Hispanic employee opens her cell and accidentally starts a fire in the vineyard. As the vineyard burns, Ariana fights Karen and ultimately ends her and the vineyard.
RESOLUTION:
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Two years later, Ariana is a sommelier working in this upscale restaurant. A woman requests Ariana for her table. Ariana arrives at the table where an elegant woman in her thirties awaits. She has red hair, just like Karen. After a small talk, Ariana realizes this is Karen’s daughter who was in Europe. She is back and looking for revenge.
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Mariannjely’s Thriller Map Version 1
I learned from this assignment that translating the map into a readable synopsis was easier than expected, thanks to the planning we did ahead. I’m definitely using this method again!
OPENING:
INT. WINE AGING ROOM – NIGHT
NICK (24) blasts music in his air pods as he rolls a wine barrel. He positions the barrel in the corner of the room and exits. Suddenly, knocks come from the barrel. There is someone inside! An exhausted woman’s scream is heard right before going silent. A security camera films.
INCITING ACCIDENT:
INT. VENEZUELA APARTMENT – NIGHT
ARIANA (22) pours herself a glass of wine while her roommates watch the Miss Venezuela pageant on the TV. She gets an email notification from “Spend the Summer in a Vineyard in the USA.” She sent her video application just the day before. It’s too soon to hear from them, isn’t? One of her roommates opens the email and reads it. She takes a bit to tell Ariana but finally screams. “You are in!”
INT. VINEYARD – DAY
Ariana arrives at the beautiful Vineyard after a long ride from the airport to the countryside in California. Nick drove her and other young foreign women selected for the summer program at the Vineyard. Their passports are taken to be put in a safe at the entrance. Ariana notices there are cameras everywhere, and her phone has no service. She asks one of the friendly Hispanic employees about it, and before he can answer, KAREN (55), the owner of the Vineyard, enters, explaining WIFI is available in our common area. The security cameras are for everyone’s safety. Karen is the definition of “aging like fine wine”, charming and overaccommodating with the foreign women while giving them a tour of the property and telling them about the Vineyard’s upcoming events: wine tasting and auction coming up. At the end of the tour, the foreign women are requested to draw blood for drug testing protocols. Ariana initially refuses because she hates needles, but when the option is to be sent back home, she agrees to the test. The foreign women enjoy food and drinks after. A couple of days later, Ariana wakes up to the news that one of the foreign women needs to be sent home. Her blood tests showed she had blood cancer and needed treatment immediately.
TURNING POINT 1:
INT. SECURITY ROOM – DAY
Nick, who has been flirting with Ariana, watches her through the cameras. Karen enters, and they begin to kiss. He is Karen’s lover. Can Ariana trust him?
MIDPOINT:
INT. WINE AGING ROOM – NIGHT
After being told they can’t drink anything in the wine tasting, Ariana finds a way to get a taste of it secretly. When she gets an aftertaste of it, she is curious about the ingredients, and stumbles into the wine aging room. She finds a dead body inside a barrel. The body is the woman who was sent home “because she had blood cancer.” Ariana screams. Nick comes out of nowhere and covers her mouth.
TURNING POINT 2:
INT. TASTING ROOM – NIGHT
Nick has told Ariana that Karen selects young foreign women to come to the vineyard and then force them to donate their blood for as long as they are young. It’s the key ingredient in creating the anti-aging popular wine that satisfies her elite clientele of 40+ older women. Now working together, Ariana and Nick plan to escape that night during the auction. But Karen gets ahead of them. Karen kills Nick and locks Ariana in a room, where she sees the other locked women drawing blood. Ariana offers Karen a deal: her life in exchange for more foreign women she can recruit.
CLIMAX:
INT. VINEYARD – NIGHT
Ariana gets access to WIFI and contacts the police. The police come, but sooner than later, she realizes they work for Karen too. Ariana tries to escape, but Karen locks her again. A Hispanic employee opens her cell and accidentally starts a fire in the vineyard. As the vineyard burns, Ariana fights Karen and ultimately ends her and the vineyard.
RESOLUTION:
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Two years later, Ariana is a sommelier working in this upscale restaurant. A woman requests Ariana for her table. Ariana arrives at the table where an elegant woman in her thirties awaits. She has red hair, just like Karen. After a small talk, Ariana realizes this is Karen’s daughter who was in Europe. She is back and looking for revenge.
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Mariannjely Misdirects…When Appropriate!
What I learned doing this assignment is that a thriller benefits from some planted misdirection’s that will keep the audience engaged in the mystery but without overcomplicating the search for answers.
Opening: A woman screams from inside a wine barrel until the screams stop.
Life threating: a woman was locked and left to die inside a barrel.
Overt Clue: Screams are heard. Women’s voice.
Mystery: Who is she?
Mystery: Why is she inside a barrel?
Clue misdirection: opening scene we hear a woman screaming inside a barrel. The audience might think this is what will happen to our protagonist.
Inciting Incident: Ariana accepts a summer program invitation and travels to the U.S from Venezuela.
Villain’s plan: there is a website with testimonials and great pictures for the program. All expenses paid.
Life threating. Overt Clue: Ariana’s roommates mention the danger of going to another country where you don’t know anybody else.
Overt Clue: Talk about the beauty standards in Venezuela.
Intrigue. Covert Clue: Participants in the program are all beautiful foreign women, between 18-26.
Intrigue. Overt Clue: Ariana’s passport is taken away at the vineyard’s entrance.
Villain’s plan: keep the passport safe.
Intrigue. Overt Clue: Everybody in the vineyard is monitored 24/7.
Intrigue. Overt Clue: No phone service.
Villain’s plan: location is too remote for service. Very happy employees. Karen is extra accommodating and nice.
Mystery: What’s Karen intentions?
TRUST: Karen is the owner of a prestigious Vineyard. She is nice and overaccommodating.
Covert Clue: Karen looks as young as she can be.
DISTRUST: She takes Ariana’s passport.
TRUST: Karen tours the vineyard. The employees seem to love her.
TRUST: Nick gives Ariana pointers about how to impress Karen.
TRUST: Karen acknowledges Ariana’s talent with wine in front of everyone.
Intrigue. Overt Clue: There is an area off limits.
Intrigue. Overt Clue: Participants get their blood drawn.
Cover Clue: A woman is sent home because of STDs.
Intrigue: Karen’s right-hand flirts with Ariana.
Twist: Karen’s right hand, 20 years younger, is Karen’s secret lover.
Character misdirection: Nick seems like a man who just wants sex, but he’s trying to protect Ariana, and himself.
Turning Point 1: Ariana tastes the popular wine at the tasting night.
Villain’s plan: tasting night where clients can see the new women in the program.
Life threating: Ariana starts asking questions about the wine.
Intrigue. Overt Clue: Ariana gets a rare taste of the wine she can’t explain.
Mystery: What’s in the wine?
Intrigue. Covert Clue: the clientele is all prestigious women 40+ years old.
Covert Clue: Clientele conversation revolves about looking young.
Life threating. Overt Clue: Karen visits the off-limits area, where women are locked.
Twist: The wine has blood in it.
Dialogue misdirection: You know what they say, aging like fine wine.
Midpoint: Ariana finds a body in a barrel. She is locked in a room.
Life threating: Ariana goes to the off-limits area.
Life threating: Ariana finds the body of the girl who was “Sent home”
Mystery: why was she killed?
Life threating: Karen’s right-hand sees Ariana find the body.
Twist: He wants to help Ariana. He’s also a victim.
DISTRUST: Ariana finds a body of Kathy. Nick killed her.
TRUST: Nick opens up to Ariana about being an orphan. They bond.
TRUST: Nick tells Ariana what’s happening in the Vineyard. He’s a victim too.
DISTRUST: He shows her the area where women are locked.
Reveal: human trafficking in the vineyard. Woman are made to donate their blood with the purpose to add it to an anti-aging popular woman.
TRUST: …They make a plan together to escape.
Villain’s plan: Karen has been watching them in the cameras all along.
Turning Point 2: Ariana is locked by Karen and makes a deal with her.
Life threating: Ariana finds the area where women are locked. She is set to meet with Karen’s right hand.
Twist: Karen shows up instead. She killed the young man.
Mystery: Karen didn’t care about the young man.
Villain’s plan: Karen locks Ariana in room.
DISTRUST: Karen locks Ariana in a room.
TRUST: Ariana makes a deal with Karen. She’ll help her find new young foreign women.
DISTRUST: Karen warns her she’ll be dead if she betrays her.
Life threating: Ariana is locked in a room.
Life threating. Twist. Ariana offers a partnership deal with Karen. She’ll help her get more women as exchange of her life.
Life threating: Karen tells her if Ariana tries to betray her, she is dead.
Villain’s plan: Use Ariana to get more clients from Latin America.
Life threating: Ariana plays the game with Karen and get to know her, also her employees.
Intrigue. Overt Clue: The Hispanic employees are scared of Karen.
Climax: Ariana fights Karen for her life.
DISTRUST: Ariana calls the police. The police show up revealing Karen bought them.
DISTRUST: Karen goes after Ariana, to kill her.
Life threating: Ariana betrays Karen contacts the police.
Life threating: the police show up.
Twist: Police in the town works for Karen.
Life threating: Karen locks Ariana again.
Twist: The employees turn to Karen and help Ariana.
Life threating: Vineyard burns. Ariana fights Karen.
Resolution: The vineyard burns alongside Karen, Ariana survives. She receives a U visa to stay in the United States. She becomes a sommelier.
Intrigue: a client has requested Ariana for her table.
Overt Clue: Client has red hair, just like Karen.
Twist: Karen’s daughter who was in Europe is back, and knows what Ariana did.
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Mariannjely Gives Great Clues!
What I learned doing this assignment is that it should be a good balance between overt and covert clues to make a mystery enjoyable and solvable at the right time. I noticed some of my clues coincided with the intrigues/ life threats.
Opening: A woman screams from inside a wine barrel until the screams stop.
Life threating: a woman was locked and left to die inside a barrel.
Clue: Screams are heard. Women’s voice.
Mystery: Who is she?
Mystery: Why is she inside a barrel?
Inciting Incident: Ariana accepts a summer program invitation and travels to the U.S from Venezuela.
Villain’s plan: there is a website with testimonials and great pictures for the program. All expenses paid.
Life threating. Clue: Ariana’s roommates mention the danger of going to another country where you don’t know anybody else.
Clue: Talk about the beauty standards in Venezuela.
Intrigue. Clue: Participants in the program are all beautiful foreign women, between 18-26.
Intrigue. Clue: Ariana’s passport is taken away at the vineyard’s entrance.
Intrigue. Clue: Everybody in the vineyard is monitored 24/7.
Intrigue. Clue: No phone service.
Villain’s plan: location is too remote for service. Very happy employees. Karen is extra accommodating and nice.
Mystery: What’s Karen intentions?
TRUST: Karen is the owner of a prestigious Vineyard. She is nice and overaccommodating.
Clue: Karen looks as young as she can be.
DISTRUST: She takes Ariana’s passport.
TRUST: Karen tours the vineyard. The employees seem to love her.
TRUST: Nick gives Ariana pointers about how to impress Karen.
TRUST: Karen acknowledges Ariana’s talent with wine in front of everyone.
Intrigue. Clue: There is an area off limits.
Intrigue. Clue: Participants get their blood drawn.
Clue: A woman is sent home because of STDs.
Intrigue: Karen’s right-hand flirts with Ariana.
Twist: Karen’s right hand, 20 years younger, is Karen’s secret lover.
Turning Point 1: Ariana tastes the popular wine at the tasting night.
Villain’s plan: tasting night where clients can see the new women in the program.
Life threating: Ariana starts asking questions about the wine.
Intrigue. Clue: Ariana gets a rare taste of the wine she can’t explain.
Mystery: What’s in the wine?
Intrigue. Clue: the clientele is all prestigious women 40+ years old.
Clue: Clientele conversation revolves about looking young.
Life threating. Clue: Karen visits the off-limits area, where women are locked.
Twist: The wine has blood in it.
Midpoint: Ariana finds a body in a barrel. She is locked in a room.
Life threating: Ariana goes to the off-limits area.
Life threating: Ariana finds the body of the girl who was “Sent home”
Mystery: why was she killed?
Life threating: Karen’s right-hand sees Ariana find the body.
Twist: He wants to help Ariana. He’s also a victim.
DISTRUST: Ariana finds a body of Kathy. Nick killed her.
TRUST: Nick opens up to Ariana about being an orphan. They bond.
TRUST: Nick tells Ariana what’s happening in the Vineyard. He’s a victim too.
DISTRUST: He shows her the area where women are locked.
Reveal: human trafficking in the vineyard. Woman are made to donate their blood with the purpose to add it to an anti-aging popular woman.
TRUST: …They make a plan together to escape.
Villain’s plan: Karen has been watching them in the cameras all along.
Turning Point 2: Ariana is locked by Karen and makes a deal with her.
Life threating: Ariana finds the area where women are locked. She is set to meet with Karen’s right hand.
Twist: Karen shows up instead. She killed the young man.
Mystery: Karen didn’t care about the young man.
Villain’s plan: Karen locks Ariana in room.
DISTRUST: Karen locks Ariana in a room.
TRUST: Ariana makes a deal with Karen. She’ll help her find new young foreign women.
DISTRUST: Karen warns her she’ll be dead if she betrays her.
Life threating: Ariana is locked in a room.
Life threating. Twist. Ariana offers a partnership deal with Karen. She’ll help her get more women as exchange of her life.
Life threating: Karen tells her if Ariana tries to betray her, she is dead.
Villain’s plan: Use Ariana to get more clients from Latin America.
Life threating: Ariana plays the game with Karen and get to know her, also her employees.
Intrigue. Clue: the Hispanic employees are scared of Karen.
Climax: Ariana fights Karen for her life.
DISTRUST: Ariana calls the police. The police show up revealing Karen bought them.
DISTRUST: Karen goes after Ariana, to kill her.
Life threating: Ariana betrays Karen contacts the police.
Life threating: the police show up.
Twist: Police in the town works for Karen.
Life threating: Karen locks Ariana again.
Twist: The employees turn to Karen and help Ariana.
Life threating: Vineyard burns. Ariana fights Karen.
Resolution: The vineyard burns alongside Karen, Ariana survives. She receives a U visa to stay in the United States. She becomes a sommelier.
Intrigue: a client has requested Ariana for her table.
Clue: Client has red hair, just like Karen.
Twist: Karen’s daughter who was in Europe is back, and knows what Ariana did.
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Mariannjely’s Dramatic Reveals
I learned during this assignment that a reveal must be written with a dramatic impact and crafted with mystery, intrigue, and suspense. My reveals and twists in the story were intertwined.
REVEAL 1:
· Mystery: Why are they taking blood tests for drugs instead of urine?
· Suspense: the syringe enters the skin.
· Reveal: One of the foreign women has an STD and is sent home.
REVEAL 2:
· Intrigue: Nick flirts with Ariana.
· Reveal: Nick is Karen’s secret lover.
REVEAL 3:
· Intrigue: There is an area off limits.
· Suspense: Ariana goes to the area off-limits.
· Reveal: There is a dead body inside a barrel.
· Mystery: who’s that?
REVEAL 4:
· Suspense: Nick is on his way to the area off limits.
· Reveal: The body is the woman who was supposed to be sent home.
· Mystery: Why was she killed?
REVEAL 5:
· Intrigue: Nick finds Ariana with the dead body.
· Reveal: Nick knew about this.
· Mystery: Is she going to hurt her?
REVEAL 6:
· Intrigue: Nick tells Ariana what’s happening.
· Mystery: Can she trust him?
· Reveal: Reveal: Nick is also a victim.
REVEAL 7:
· Intrigue: Nick takes her to an off-limits area.
· Mystery: Will he kill Ariana?
· Suspense: Karen is looking at them through the cameras.
· Reveal: The other women locked in rooms, donating blood.
REVEAL 8:
· Intrigue: there is an aftertaste in the wine.
· Mystery: what’s in the wine?
· Reveal: The wine tastes like…blood.
REVEAL 9:
· Intrigue: Ariana is locked in a room.
· Mystery: where is Nick? Did he die?
· Suspense: Karen approaches.
· Reveal: The auction is for women, not for wine.
REVEAL 10:
· Intrigue: Ariana managed to call the police.
· Suspense: Policemen are at the door.
· Reveal: The police belong to Karen. She rules the area.
REVEAL 11:
· Intrigue: Ariana is locked in a room again.
· Mystery: what’s Karen going to do with her?
· Suspense: The Vineyard is on fire.
· Reveal: The Hispanic workers turn against Karen.
REVEAL 12:
· Intrigue: Ariana works as a sommelier at an elite hotel. She pours wine to an important client who requested her.
· Mystery: who is the client?
· Reveal: The Vineyard is a family business. Karen has a daughter in Europe that comes back.
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Mariannjely’s Trust Relationships
What I learned doing this assignment is that defining trust/ distrust relationships between the main characters allows you to add twists to your story and keep an engaging dynamic between the characters.
Main Characters:
· Hero: Ariana Mendez
· Villain: Karen Coex
· Red Herring Character: Nick Jones
· Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Karen Coex
· Isn’t trusted, but should be: Nick Jones
Opening: A woman screams from inside a wine barrel until the screams stop.
Life threating: a woman was locked and left to die inside a barrel.
Mystery: Who is she?
Mystery: Why is she inside a barrel?
Inciting Incident: Ariana accepts a summer program invitation and travels to the U.S from Venezuela.
Villain’s plan: there is a website with testimonials and great pictures for the program. All expenses paid.
Life threating: Ariana’s roommates mention the danger of going to another country where you don’t know anybody else.
Mystery: Participants in the program are all beautiful foreign women, between 18-26.
Mystery: Ariana’s passport is taken away at the vineyard’s entrance.
Mystery: Everybody in the vineyard is monitored 24/7.
Mystery: No phone service.
Villain’s plan: location is too remote for service. Very happy employees. Karen is extra accommodating and nice.
TRUST: Karen is the owner of a prestigious Vineyard. She is nice and overaccommodating.
DISTRUST: She takes Ariana’s passport.
TRUST: Karen tours the vineyard. The employees seem to love her.
TRUST: Nick gives Ariana pointers about how to impress Karen.
TRUST: Karen acknowledges Ariana’s talent with wine in front of everyone.
Mystery: There is an area off limits.
Mystery: Participants get their blood drawn. One of the women get send home next day.
Mystery: Karen’s right-hand flirts with Ariana.
Twist: Karen’s right hand, 20 years younger, is Karen’s secret lover.
Turning Point 1: Ariana tastes the popular wine at the tasting night.
Villain’s plan: tasting night where clients can see the new women in the program.
Life threating: Ariana starts asking questions about the wine.
Mystery: Ariana can’t find the taste of the wine.
Mystery: the clientele is all prestigious women 40+ years old.
Mystery: A client goes to the off-limits area by herself.
Life threating: Karen visits the off-limits area, where women are locked.
Twist: a client warns Ariana to run away.
Midpoint: Ariana finds a body in a barrel. She is locked in a room.
Life threating: Ariana goes to the off-limits area.
Life threating: Ariana finds the body of the client that warned her.
Mystery: why the client died?
Life threating: Karen’s right-hand sees Ariana find the body.
Twist: He wants to help Ariana. He’s also a victim.
DISTRUST: Ariana finds a body of Kathy. Nick killed her.
TRUST: Nick opens up to Ariana about being an orphan. They bond.
TRUST: Nick tells Ariana what’s happening in the Vineyard. He’s a victim too.
DISTRUST: He shows her the area where women are locked.
TRUST: …They make a plan together to escape.
Villain’s plan: Karen has been watching them in the cameras all along.
Turning Point 2: Ariana is locked by Karen and makes a deal with her.
Life threating: Ariana finds the area where women are locked. She is set to meet with Karen’s right hand.
Twist: Karen shows up instead. She killed the young man.
Mystery: Karen didn’t care about the young man.
Villain’s plan: Karen locks Ariana in room.
DISTRUST: Karen locks Ariana in a room.
TRUST: Ariana makes a deal with Karen. She’ll help her find new young foreign women.
DISTRUST: Karen warns her she’ll be dead if she betrays her.
Life threating: Ariana is locked in a room.
Life threating. Twist. Ariana offers a partnership deal with Karen. She’ll help her get more women as exchange of her life.
Life threating: Karen tells her if Ariana tries to betray her, she is dead.
Villain’s plan: Use Ariana to get more clients from Latin America.
Life threating: Ariana plays the game with Karen and get to know her, also her employees. She finds out the client was a mom of one of the victims who was pretending to be Karen’s friend.
Climax: Ariana fights Karen for her life.
DISTRUST: Ariana calls the police. The police show up revealing Karen bought them.
DISTRUST: Karen goes after Ariana, to kill her.
Life threating: Ariana betrays Karen contacts the police.
Life threating: the police show up.
Twist: Police in the town works for Karen.
Life threating: Karen locks Ariana again.
Twist: The employees turn to Karen and help Ariana.
Life threating: Vineyard burns. Ariana fights Karen.
Resolution: The vineyard burns alongside Karen, Ariana survives. She receives a U visa to stay in the United States. She becomes a sommelier.
Twist: Karen’s daughter who was in Europe is back, and knows what Ariana did.
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Mariannjely’s Twists and Turns
What I learned doing this assignment is to avoid predictability and keep the story engaging by adding twists and turns. The list of 14 options was very helpful in building my own.
· Opening: A woman screams from inside a wine barrel until the screams stop.
Life threating: a woman was locked and left to die inside a barrel.
Mystery: Who is she?
Mystery: Why is she inside a barrel?
· Inciting Incident: Ariana accepts a summer program invitation and travels to the U.S from Venezuela.
Villain’s plan: there is a website with testimonials and great pictures for the program. All expenses paid.
Life threating: Ariana’s roommates mention the danger of going to another country where you don’t know anybody else.
Mystery: Participants in the program are all beautiful foreign women, between 18-26.
Mystery: Ariana’s passport is taken away at the vineyard’s entrance.
Mystery: Everybody in the vineyard is monitored 24/7.
Mystery: No phone service.
Villain’s plan: location is too remote for service. Very happy employees. Karen is extra accommodating and nice.
Mystery: There is an area off limits.
Mystery: Participants get their blood drawn. One of the women get send home next day.
Mystery: Karen’s right-hand flirts with Ariana.
Twist: Karen’s right hand, 20 years younger, is Karen’s secret lover.
· Turning Point 1: Ariana tastes the popular wine at the tasting night.
Villain’s plan: tasting night where clients can see the new women in the program.
Life threating: Ariana starts asking questions about the wine.
Mystery: Ariana can’t find the taste of the wine.
Mystery: the clientele is all prestigious women 40+ years old.
Mystery: A client goes to the off-limits area by herself.
Life threating: Karen visits the off-limits area, where women are locked.
Twist: a client warns Ariana to run away.
· Midpoint: Ariana finds a body in a barrel. She is locked in a room.
Life threating: Ariana goes to the off-limits area.
Life threating: Ariana finds the body of the client that warned her.
Mystery: why the client died?
Life threating: Karen’s right-hand sees Ariana find the body.
Twist: He wants to help Ariana. He’s also a victim.
Villain’s plan: Karen has been watching them in the cameras all along.
· Turning Point 2: Ariana is locked by Karen and makes a deal with her.
Life threating: Ariana finds the area where women are locked. She is set to meet with Karen’s right hand.
Twist: Karen shows up instead. She killed the young man.
Mystery: Karen didn’t care about the young man.
Villain’s plan: Karen locks Ariana in room.
Life threating: Ariana is locked in a room.
Life threating. Twist. Ariana offers a partnership deal with Karen. She’ll help her get more women as exchange of her life.
Life threating: Karen tells her if Ariana tries to betray her, she is dead.
Villain’s plan: Use Ariana to get more clients from Latin America.
Life threating: Ariana plays the game with Karen and get to know her, also her employees. She finds out the client was a mom of one of the victims who was pretending to be Karen’s friend.
· Climax: Ariana fights Karen for her life.
Life threating: Ariana betrays Karen contacts the police.
Life threating: the police show up. Twist: Police in the town works for Karen.
Life threating: Karen locks Ariana again. Twist: The employees turn to Karen and help Ariana.
Life threating: Vineyard burns. Ariana fights Karen.
· Resolution: The vineyard burns alongside Karen, Ariana survives. She receives a U visa to stay in the United States. She becomes a sommelier. Twist: Karen’s daughter, who lived in Europe is back, and knows what Ariana did.
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Mariannjely’s Thriller Plot!
What I learned from this assignment is that working the structure from the villain’s plan, the lifer threating scene, and the mystery sequence makes the plot come to life with the amount of suspense, mystery, and intrigue that it needs.
· Opening: A woman screams from inside a wine barrel until the screams stop.
Life threating: a woman was locked and left to die inside a barrel.
Mystery: Who is she?
Mystery: Why is she inside a barrel?
· Inciting Incident: Ariana accepts a summer program invitation and travels to the U.S from Venezuela.
Villain’s plan: there is a website with testimonials and great pictures for the program. All expenses paid.
Life threating: Ariana’s roommates mention the danger of going to another country where you don’t know anybody else.
Mystery: Participants in the program are all beautiful foreign women, between 18-26.
Mystery: Ariana’s passport is taken away at the vineyard’s entrance.
Mystery: There is an area off limits.
Mystery: Everybody in the vineyard is monitored 24/7.
Mystery: No phone service.
Villain’s plan: location is too remote for service. Very happy employees. Karen is extra accommodating and nice.
· Turning Point 1: Ariana tastes the popular wine at the tasting night.
Villain’s plan: tasting night where clients can see the new women in the program.
Life threating: Ariana starts asking questions about the wine.
Mystery: Ariana can’t find the taste of the wine.
Mystery: the clientele is all prestigious women 40+ years old.
Mystery: Ariana sees a client goes to the off-limits area by herself.
Life threating: Ariana gets close to Karen’s right hand, a young man.
Life threating: Karen visits the off-limits area, where women are locked.
· Midpoint: Ariana finds the body in the barrel. She is locked in a room.
Life threating: Ariana goes to the off-limits area.
Life threating: Ariana finds the body as the right hand sees her.
Mystery: why the client died?
Life threating: Karen’s right-hand tricks Ariana into believing he’s helping her.
Life threating: Ariana fights him. He dies, by accident.
Life threating: Ariana finds the area where women are locked.
Villain’s plan: Karen has been watching Ariana in the cameras all along.
· Turning Point 2: Ariana is locked by Karen and makes a deal with her.
Life threating: Karen finds Ariana with the young man body.
Mystery: Karen doesn’t care about the young man.
Villain’s plan: Karen locks Ariana in room.
Life threating: Ariana is locked in a room.
Life threating. Ariana offers a partnership deal with Karen. She’ll help her get more women as exchange of her life.
Life threating: Karen tells her if Ariana tries to betray her, she is dead.
Villain’s plan: Use Ariana to get more clients from Latin America.
Life threating: Ariana plays the game with Karen and get to know her.
She finds out the client was a mom of one of the victims who was pretending to be Karen’s friend.
· Climax: Ariana fights Karen for her life.
Life threating: Ariana betrays Karen and tries to call the police.
Life threating: The vineyard burns. Ariana helps women get out.
Life threating: Ariana fights Karen.
· Resolution: The vineyard burns alongside Karen, Ariana survives. She receives a U visa to stay in the United States. She becomes a sommelier.
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Mariannjely’s Life Threatening Sequence
I learned how helpful it is to brainstorm the heroes’ potential dangers to create a sequence of thrills in the story. It sets a clear path for mystery, intrigue, and suspense.
What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?
The Villain plans to continue satisfying her elite client with a wine made from young blood. The hero is one of the young women to be used for this.
What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?
From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.
– Threats
– Talking about the danger
– Physical danger
– Surveillance / watched
– Lured into a dangerous situation
– Trapped / Abducted / Arrested
– Danger to someone they know
– People around them die or are injured.
– The unknown
– Someone operating covertly around them.
– Other parties who need to solve the mystery first.
Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct above.
1. Lured into a dangerous situation. Ariana gets a too-good-to-be-true opportunity to live in the United States for the summer.
2. Talking about the danger. Ariana has a nightmare the night before leaving that looks more like a warning of what’s next to come.
3. The unknown. Ariana’s passport is taken away at the vineyard’s entrance. There is an area off limits.
4. Surveillance / watched. Everybody in the vineyard is monitored 24/7.
5. The unknown. Ariana tastes the wine. It has a rare taste.
6. Other parties who need to solve the mystery first. A client goes to the area off-limits.
7. Someone operating covertly around them. Karen goes to an area where women are locked.
8. People around them die or are injured. Ariana finds the body of the client, who turns out to be the mom of one of the victims.
9. Betrayal from someone close. Karen’s right-hand tricks Ariana into believing he’s helping her.
10. Physical danger. Ariana fights Karen’s right hand. He dies.
11. Trapped / Abducted / Arrested. Ariana is locked in a room.
12. Talking about the danger. Ariana realizes what’s happening at the vineyard and makes a deal with Karen.
13. Threats. Karen tells her if Ariana tries to betray her, she is dead.
14. Physical danger. The vineyard burns. Ariana fights Karen.
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Mariannjely’s Mystery Sequence
What I learned is that starting with the villain’s secret is a great tool to craft the mystery around it.
1. What is the big secret that the Villain is covering up?
The vineyard hides a human trafficking behind doors.
2. How many ways can they cover that secret? Those become the mysteries.
Making the place look as normal as possible. Gaining the foreign women’s trust by being overaccommodating. Showing pictures of past summer program participants over the years, all happy.
3. The first mystery must engage the Hero into solving it.
Hero tastes the wine and finds it suspicious. She’s a wine lover and want to find out what’s in it.
4. Sequence the mysteries so that each one leads us to the next one. Include ONE Red Herring mystery if you can.
– What is the vineyard hiding?
– Why one of the clients show up dead?
– Why were they selected?
5. Create a Mystery Chain for each main mystery.
– What is the vineyard hiding?
• Passports are retained and blood is drawn the first day.
• There are areas that are off limits. The employees in the field whisper among each other.
• Clientele is all prestigious and diverse women 40+ years old.
• The wine has a unique taste only Ariana recognizes.
– Why one of the clients show up dead?
• The client shows up at the invitation only tasting night
• The client is close friend of Karen
• A client is seen entering the off-limits area
• Ariana discovers the body of the client inside a barrel.
– Why were Ariana and the other women selected?
• Ariana sends a great application to the program. She is a beautiful and young woman from Venezuela, dreaming of becoming a sommelier.
• Ariana tries impress Karen so she can hopefully be hired after the program.
• Ariana’s parents died when she was 18. She finds out other women have the same background. They are all outcasts getting a chance.
• Ariana is locked in a room.
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Mariannjely’s Villain Has a Great Plan!
What I learned is that crafting the Villain’s plan sets the base for the hero’s journey and a path for the thrills and suspense.
1. What is the end goal?
Continue to offer an extended period of beauty to older women and preserve the family vineyard’s legacy.
2. How can the Villain accomplish that in a devious way?
Human trafficking/ blood trafficking. Using the blood of beautiful, young, and helpless foreign women to create a rare wine that promises an extended period of beauty to elite older women. They can pick the woman they drink blood from, and the most popular foreign woman that year is selected to be auctioned. Not only they’ll use her blood, but her body will be burned and used in the soil in the harvest season. She’ll be killed making it to a limited-edition wine for the lucky winner.
3. How can they cover it up?
• It’s a family vineyard that’s been around for over 100 years, in a secluded location, invitation only.
• Post an appealing program online where foreign women can apply to spend the Summer at the vineyard, all expenses paid.
• Select foreign young women with little to no family.
• Take the foreign women’s passports away once there.
• Take their blood to “test them for drugs.”
• Some people working in the field (illegal immigrants) know what’s happening but are too scared to speak out. Anybody who’s tried it before has ended up dead.
• Host an opening night where the elite clientele can introduce the new young women and have a “tasting”
• Lock the foreign women in rooms.
• Host an auction for the limited-edition wine/ woman.
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Mariannjely’s SOTL Stacking Suspense
1. With this assignment I learned to dissect and analyze scenes so I can create my own with the level of suspense, intrigue, and mystery that a good thriller demands.
2. Silence of the lambs keeps the story going in a very engaging way, allowing the viewer to discovery new things with every scene. The stakes are high, and I noticed I barely left any blank square in the chart. The movie is full of MIS, stakes, and twists even at the very end!
3. The lead characters in the silence of the lambs have a backstory we are discovering with each scene, just at the right time.
4. Clarice is a wonderful character who constantly has to probe to others and to herself to be valuable to the team, especially when looked down as one of the few women in the FBI.
5. Clarice’s confidant seems to be Jack and even Hannibal. She is a student wanting to prove herself so much Hannibal even acts as a mentor.
6. Hannibal is such a complete character because even though he’s insane, he’s extremely smart.
7. Buffalo Bill takes the saying “not comfortable in your own skin” to the next level. The theme along the storyline is cohesive and interesting.
8. The cinematography work is beautiful in highlighting every detail. A subtle message was in the close of the character’s eyes, used during the scenes as revelations of truth.
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Mariannjely’s BI Stacking Suspense
1. This assignment helped me understand how each scene can create suspense and keep viewers engaged.
2. Basic Instinct is a film where every scene matters and has a goal. I enjoyed how they kept me questioning things along the way and the twists and turns it had.
3. The relationship and tension-building between Cat and Nick were very interesting to watch.
4. Even though it seemed that a lot was going on with Nick’s questionable past and Cat’s suspicious past, it was okay to follow along.
5. Beth and Roxy both functioned as red herrings.
6. Gus was Nick’s confidant, and he gave information about Nick and Beth.
7. I liked how the opening and closing scenes mirrored each other.
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Mariannjely’s World and Characters!
What I learned doing this assignment is that analyzing the mystery, intrigue, and suspense behind the hero/ villain / red herring helps create well-rounded and interesting characters for a thriller.
CONCEPT: A young and talented foreigner joins a sommelier summer program in the U.S., but when she discovers the dark secret behind the prestigious vineyard, she must run for her life.
• Big Mystery: What’s the secret ingredient behind the most popular wine, and what’s the vineyard’s owner hiding?
• Big Intrigue: An elite clientele is willing to pay any price to keep up with beauty standards, even if it involves killing young women.
• Big Suspense: Will Ariana make it out alive from the Sommelier Summer Program?
WORLD: A prestigious Vineyard covering human trafficking for an elite clientele that wants to trick aging for as long as possible and at any price.
HERO: International student, Ariana Ramirez
Mystery: Is it really a Sommelier Summer program that Ariana got herself into?
Intrigue: Ariana is ambitious and has a great talent for wine. She wants to impress Karen to hopefully get hired after the summer program. As she tries to get close to Karen, she discovers odd things that makes her question the program. Once she finds the truth, she plays the survival game.
Suspense: Is Ariana going to be a victim of human trafficking?
VILLAIN: Owner of the Vineyard, Karen Coex
Mystery: Why is Karen recruiting young foreigners?
Intrigue: She is a sharp businesswoman with an answer for everything and can trick anyone. She’ll do anything to ensure her family’s vineyard stays in business for another 100 years.
Suspense: Will Karen continue to get away with the vineyard’s secret?
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Mariannjely Marval, Big M.I.S.
I learned during this assignment that briefly explaining your idea and conventions is key to creating a solid story.
Logline: After finding a body inside a winery barrel, an international student must find her way out of a beauty cult before becoming the next victim.
• Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Ariana is a talented woman from Venezuela who travels to the U.S. after winning a scholarship to a Sommelier Summer Program, but when she finds herself in the middle of a cult, she uses the resilience she got from her life in the third world country.
• Dangerous Villain: Karen, the owner of the prestigious vineyard, would do anything to ensure her elite clientele is satisfied, even if it means killing young women.
• High stakes: Ariana’s life. The life of the other women in the program.
• Life and death situations: Ariana finding a woman’s body inside a wine barrel. Ariana discovering how the cult works and what’s behind the most popular wine. Ariana fighting Karen to death.
• This story is thrilling because? Throughout the story, we’re worried about Ariana’s life and the rest of the women in the summer program while trying to understand the reason behind everything.
2. Tell us the Big M.I.S. of your story?
• Big Mystery: What’s the secret ingredient behind the most popular wine, and what’s the vineyard’s owner hiding?
• Big Intrigue: An elite clientele is willing to pay any price to keep up with beauty standards, even if it involves killing young women.
• Big Suspense: Will Ariana make it out alive from the Summer Program?
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Hi! I watched FRESH (2022) – Available on Hulu.
I learned from this assignment how helpful it is to look at the conventions to create a satisfying thriller.
• Unwitting but Resourceful Hero: Noa is a woman looking for her perfect match on dating apps. She’ll use flirting as a weapon to trick Noa and escape.
• Dangerous Villain: Brendan (Steve, as Noa first knows him) is an insane human meat butcher and distributor who takes Noa as his next victim/ date.
• High stakes: Noa’s life. Her best friend’s life. The life of the other two women in captivity.
• Life and death situations: Noa realizes other women are in captivity too and Brendan has harvested some parts of their bodies. The first time Noa tries to escape, Brendan cuts her buttocks as punishment. Noa seduces Brendan and bites his testicles. When they run into the woods, Brendan follows them with a gun. Brendan’s wife tries to strangle Noa in the woods.
• This movie is thrilling because it has you worried about Noa and the other woman in captivity, wondering how they will survive.
3. What is the BIG Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense of this story?
• Big Mystery: How can Noa escape from Brendan’s captivity?
• Big Intrigue: Seduce and kill young women, not only for himself to eat but also to sell to his clients.
• Big Suspense: Will Brendan kill and eat Noa?
4. Anything else you’d like to say about what made this movie a great thriller?
I enjoyed the little moments of hope that were shattered and made me constantly question how she can survive this. For being horror, it was entertaining to watch without the gore, but the subtext.
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Hi! My name is Mariannjely, originally from Venezuela but in the USA for the past 10 years. I’ve been writing for a couple of years now and I’ve completed 4 scripts, the first one being a thriller that was optioned and produced last year. I enjoy this genre very much and I am looking to improve my process when creating more of these.
Also, I have 4 dogs 🙂
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I, Mariannjely Marval, as a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
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Let’s do it!