Marina Shron
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Here’s my beath sheet with some reflections upon possible improvements… Jave I misunderstood the assignment? And it’s more of a free form.
The Image Makes
By Marina S
Logline: An American war photographer with a dark secret in her past becomes entangled in her accidental lover’s investigation of a CIA renegade operation in Afghanistan circa 2001 and must risk her life and her family legacy to save him and atone for her past.
Act 1
Beat 1 Page 1-3
A MONTAGE OF PHOTOGRAPHS.
Macabre, bizarre, strangely beautiful images, all in sharp focus.
EXT. STREETS OF KABUL
Sarah and her fixer Said on the way to the bombing Said. She flips through her photographs – the picture book of hell. He acts like her older dotting brother.
Beat 2 Page 3-4
EXT. AMSTERDAM (2001) — RED LIGHT DISTRICT – EVENING (FLASHBACK)
Sarah remembers Amsterdam – a thief stealing her purse in the red light district.
Suddenly, she’s in two places/time layers at once, mind and body split.
Beat 3 Page 4-6
EXT. KABUL – THE EXPLOSION SITE – DAY (PRESENT)
The site of suicide bombing.
Sara is reckless – crosses into the site despite the policeman’s warning.
Detached – takes a picture of a dismembered female body, asking Said to help her move it. Said is horrified.
Beat 4 Page 6-7
Sarah remembers the trans woman in Amsterdam – the look of loathing on her face. A hint of her deeply seated self-loathing.
Beat 5 Page 7-8
INT. JEEP – KABUL
Sarah apologizes to Said – they make peace.
Said warns her about Omar Khaled, the host of the TV show she’s invited on – “he’s going to fuck with you.
Beat 6 Page 8-10
INT. GANDAMACK LODGE – SARAH’S ROOM – DAY
Sarah is on Skype with Matty, her boss, and on-again, off-again lover.
We realize her personal is a mess… Running away from herself: “I need to shed my skin once in a while.”
Beat 7 Page 10 – 11
EXT. AMSTERDAM (2001) – NIGHT (FLASHBACK/DREAM)
A flashback of Sarah jumping into a canal to get her bag – merges into a dream of a man on fire who sinking underwater next to her. He tries to touch her – she pushes him down, terrified.
Beat 7 Page 11- 14
INT. KABUL – LIVE TV STUDIO – EVENING (PRESENT)
Omar interviews Sarah on his show in front of the live studio audience.
Accuses her of playing God, quoting Allah – “who does more wrong than one who tries to create something like my creation? Let create a grain of wheat…”
Sarah is pissed off. Get away with a self-congratulating joke.
Act 1 Inciting incident — Love Plot-line
Beat 8 Page 14-18
INT. KABUL – THE EYE OF ALLAH STUDIO — DRESSING ROOM – NIGHT
In his dressing room, Omar tells her about his investigation of his brother’s suspicious death at a black site in 2001. Suggests they join efforts. She refuses to say she’s not a journalist. She’s attracted to him… also troubled by him. What does he want from her?
Beat 9 Page 18-19
INT. AMSTERDAM (2001) – HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Back at the hotel, Sarah has a flashback of Amsterdam.
She’s dancing with Parker Luna, a Black jazz musician, 40s, in a hotel room,
to the sound of his sax (on a vinyl record).
Beat 10
Page 19-23
INT. GANDAMACK LODGE – SARAH’S ROOM
and
INT. GANDAMACK LODGE – BAR – NIGHT
Unable to sleep, Sarah comes down to the hotel bar.
Omar is there, waiting for Burr, a retired CIA interrogator from the black site who promised some sensational information about his brother – but stood him up. This time Sarah is willing to listen. His presence troubles her – it’s more than physical attraction.
She has another flashback of Amsterdam – the same hotel room, the same man… This time David is revealed watching her, jealous.
To put an end to this suspense, she invites Omar to her room.
Beat 11 Page 23- 28
INT. GANDAMACK LODGE – SARAH’S ROOM – NIGHT
Sarah and Omar’s post-coital bliss is interrupted by a phone call from Burr. He wants to see Omar right away, telling him he’s been followed. Omar leaves in a hurry. Sarah comes with him (Do I know how tired I am of this patriarchal bullshit?)
Beat 12 Page 28 – 32
INT/EXT. RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOOD IN KABUL – BURR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Sarah and Omar find Burr’s house empty – the door unlocked. Omar goes inside to investigate, leaving Sarah waiting in a cab.
Inside the house, Omar discovers a tape left in a VRC slot (Burr was watching just before they arrived) – a harsh interrogation of his brother Ahmed by Burr back in 2001.
Omar pockets the tape and leaves… Unaware of an assassin hiding in the bathroom, next to Burr’s body.
Outside the house, Sarah discovers a mysterious Cable TV van with tinted windows. Suspicious, she takes a picture of the van.
Omar hurries out of the house – and they drive away.
Omar drops Sarah off at the hotel, not to mention the tape…
She feels suspicious and disappointed. What is he hiding?
This Act 1 Inciting Incident – Conspiracy Plot-line (B)
Beat 13 Page 32- 33
INT. HOTEL ROOM IN AMSTERDAM (2001)- NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
A flashback to Amsterdam – Sarah and David are tripping on mushrooms.
Beat 14 Page 33 -36
INT. KABUL – GANDAMACK LODGE – SARAH’S ROOM – EARLY MORNING
(PRESENT)
Omar’s servant delivers an envelope with a videotape and a burner phone at Sarah’s door.
Said calls – and tells her that Omar has been arrested accused of murdering Burr.
Sarah refuses to believe Omar is guilty and asks Said to help translate the tape believing it will prove he’s innocent (Do you have a VCR at home?)
End Act 1 for the love storyline (A).
End Inciting Incident chain for conspiracy storyline (B) (Sarah’s on a mission)
Beat 15 Page 36
INT. CIA SPECIAL ACTIVITIES DIVISION (SAD) NEW YORK OFFICES
In his office in New York, Agent Gibbs (the chief of the CIA special ops division) studies the surveillance video of Omar in Burr’s house in Kabul. He reports to his
superior that the videotape is missing — Omar must have had an associate. Was Omar set up?
The antagonist 1 is introduced.
Act 2 ( B storyline)
Beat 16 Page 37 – 42
EXT. KABUL – SAID’S BUILDING – DAY
And
INT. SAID’S APARTMENT – LATER
Sarah and Said watch the interrogation tape in Said’s apartment.
On the tape, Ahmed tells Burr that he works for the CIA… Burr sends his men out of the room ready to listen. Light his cigarette…
Sarah has a brief flashback of Luna’s face, staring at her… She feels sick.
Beat 17 Page 42
INT. NEW YORK – GIBBS OFFICE – MORNING
Gibbs scrolls down Sarah’s digital file on the computer screen and reports her whereabouts to his superior. He calls the hired assassin in Kabul to make his move. Get the tape but let the girl go.
He is having his doubts.
Beat 18 Page…
The assassin breaks into Said’s apartment. Said is killed. Sarah is spared. The assassin gets the wrong tape (Said tricks him).
Beat 19
Gibbs gets the news about the wrong tape. Prepares for Sarah’s arrival.
The assassin (the hired gun) is in trouble.
Beat 20 Page
EXT./INT. AIRPLANE TAKEOFF – NIGHT
Sarah calls Matty asking her to meet her at the airport – she’s on her way to New York.
End Act 1 Conspiracy Storyline (B).
ACT 2 (B)
Beat 21 Page…
Gibbs installs surveillance equipment in Sarah’s apartment and waits outside in his car for her arrival.
Beat 22
EXT. JFK AIRPORT, ARRIVALS HALL – MORNING
Matty meets Sarah at the airport.
Beat 23
EXT. SARAH’S BUILDING – AFTERNOON
Gibbs’s SUV is parked across the street. INSIDE, it is equipped with portable surveillance equipment.
Gibbs is watching Sarah and Matty watch the tape.
Beat 24
Gibbs has a flashback – meeting Ahmed, his asset, in Tora Bora, with a sack full of cash. The mission is to “fail in capturing Bin Laden.
Beat 25
Sarah and Matty are shocked. Should they trust what they’ve just heard?
Matty says the tape is not enough to get the story published (not newsworthy). Sarah shows her the pictures of the TV Van near Burr’s house. Matty leaves promising to make inquires (the source at the CIA).
Suggest Sarah calls David – an aspiring politician. Sarah refuses. What happened between you two? You used to be so close?
Beat 26
Sarah, alone, takes a shower. Gibbs breaks in looking for the tape. Doesn’t find it. Installs spyware app on Sarah’s phone (Pegasus?)
Beat 27
Sarah comes out of the shower, picks up her phone – sees a strange text message. Suspects she’s being watched. “I have a feeling they are watching me right now…”. Packs up and leaves in a hurry.
Beat 28
Sarah checks herself into a small hotel.
Has a flashback of her and David in Amsterdam (a dingy hotel – we get robbed. Let’s have an adventure.)
She calls David and leaves a message.
Beat 29
Sarah charges the phone Omar left to her. Realizes it’s Bur’s phone. Listens to the message left by Gibbs for Burr ( no deal). Call back the number.
Gibs answers. “It’s time we talked.”
Beat 30
Sarah meets Gibbs in a diner. He offers her a deal – a tape in exchange for Omar’s release. (elevate the scene)
Sarah considers it… when David calls. She quickly walks away… but not before Gibb plants a surveillance device inside her bag. (elevate this)
Beat 31
David has a flashback of Amsterdam – they and Luna in a restaurant. He buys them dinner (he resents it. Sarah’s on the edge, flirting with Luna… “Are you brother and sister in a biblical sense, he jokes? David throws a drink at him.
Move this to the next beat.
Beat 32
Sarah meets David in her hotel room and plays the copy of the tape to him.
Initially, he’s not impressed (this is the old news). She’s angry — he thinks like a politician… He asks – is it all about that man, Omar? Your taste in men hasn’t changed… Their mind shifts to Amsterdam (Do you really NOT remember, he asks? “Bits and pieces… I wish I could remember. He responds — “I wish I could forget.”
Add – a flashback to the dinner with Luna. His flashback. He remembers him as a creep. In his mind, he saved Sarah from a sexual attack.
Back in the present — I wish Dad was alive (subtext – he saved us then, he might save us now). David has an idea to take the tape to his boss Finely, a conservative politician nominated for a high government post. His nomination is stalling in the senate – this conspiracy case could be his ticket to get the senate’s approval.
Elevate this — Sarah’s life is at stake. She gets a strange message on her phone. David realizes it the spyware used by the CIA and other high profile government agencies. He MUST save her once again.
Beat 33
Gibbs in his office, going through the old newspaper clippings about Sarah and David in Amsterdam. “Brother saves his sister from an attack. The attacker is dead on the scene…” “The official investigation has been dropped.
He decides to investigate further – tells his assistant to book a flight to Amsterdam.
Beat 34
David meets with Finley, who seems to take the bait. He jumps on the case, eager to start an investigation into the CIA’s past improprieties, protect Sarah as a witness.
When David leaves – he places an angry call to Gibbs, threatening to take matters into his own hands. We realize he is Gibb’s elusive boss.
Elevate the beat – introduce Finley earlier, set him up before the reveal… When?
Beat 35
Gibbs doesn’t pick up. He’s at the police station in Amsterdam, questioning the detective who was in charge of Sarah and David’s case back in 2001.
The detective tells him that Sarah and David had been caught dragging the victim’s scorched body toward the canal (in an attempt to dispose of it), He believes the siblings, two spoiled brats killed the man (set him on fire) because he caught them having an improper relationship. Both were under the drug influence. Their father, the senator, used his influence to shut down the investigation.
He produces the box with evidence that includes Sarah’s Leica camera with unprocessed film inside.
Offers the camera to Gibbs (make sure the justice is served this time).
Beat 36
On his way to the airport, Gibbs returns Finley’s call, telling him he has found something that could be “a game-changer”.
Insert a new Beat 37
David’s driving back to see Sarah – gets off the phone with her. Realizes he’s being followed by a truck.
Beat 38
In his office, Gibbs studies the processed photos from Sarah’s camera, arranges them so that to tell a “story.”
Quips, satisfied. Locates Sarah on the spyware map – on his way to confront her.
Calls Finely— again, no answer. He seems concerned.
Beat 39
Finely in his office not picking up the phone. He stares at the screen – on it, David’s car is seen from the POV of the pursuer.
Beat 40
David is trying to escape the truck that follows him.
He speeds up the car. Has a flashback of Amsterdam – fighting with Luna who overpowers him? A flick… Luna is a torch of fire…
Then, an explosion – everything goes black.
Beat 41
On his screen, Finley watches David’s car crashing… bursting into flames.
Beat 42
Sarah’s hotel room. A knock at the door. Sarah is frantic – believes it’s David… But it’s Gibbs.
He confronts her using the processed photographs as proof.
Lays out the pictures in front of her…
She remembers.
Beat 43
A flashback – reveal of the fatal night in Amsterdam.
…
Elevate – Sarah’s the one who lights the match – sets Luna on fire – as he overpowers David.
In her subconscious mind – Luna is a manifestation of her father (a negative image)?
David is her lost childhood love (that her father sent away)?)
Beat 44
Int. Hotel Room
Sarah recovers her memory of the event. She is crushed by guilt.
Immediately, she’s under pressure from Gibbs to sure Nader the tape – or else he will take the story to the press.
Sarah tells him it’s too late. The truth is out. Finley knows about the tape.
Gibbs is shocked. You don’t know what you’ve done. You put a target on David’s back. And yours too.
Her mother calls – or she calls her. There has been a cat accident.
Sarah is catatonic. Gibbs convinced her to promise his help in exposing Finley.
Too eventful for one scene?
End Act 2
Beat 45
Farmhouse – Night
Gibbs takes data to an old CIA safe house.
He wants to negotiate with Finley to boy sometime for her to leave the country.
She refuses to leave and be silent. Wants him to go on record and implicate Finley.
His phone rings – it’s Omar. He kept his promise to get him released.
Sarah steps outside to talk to Omar.
When she returns, Gibbs stares at the tv screen –
Where Finley is giving a press conference. He’s executing David’s plan accusing Gibbs of being the renegade cis operative responsible for the 2001black up and the present cover-up.
Gibbs is stunned. He’s ready to go n record. Call Marty
Beat 46
Ext. farmhouse- Night
Sarah his Gibbs on his way to meet with Matty. He has evidence –
Records of his phone conversations with Finley.
He leaves Sarah a gun. She watches him drive away and has a dark premonition.
Maybe – as a flashback of dree hunting with her father (dead deer – to foreshadow the later scene at a cemetery)
Beat 47
Sarah waits, anxiously, to hear from Gibbs.
Calls Matty – he hasn’t shown up yet.
The TV is on – and suddenly, she hears “the breaking news” sound.
Gibbs was found dead in his office in what seems like an apparent suicide. Left behind a confession.
Sarah is desperate.
She looks at the gun in her hand – comes up with an idea…
Elevate – show Gibbs’s show off with Finley? He arrives at the office to pick up the recording of his conversations with Finley… Finley is there, waiting for him. Linda, Gibbs’s invisible assistant had betrayed him…
Beat 48
Finley’s House – Night
Finley work in his office – his wife glances in. She’s back from David’s funeral – reprimands him for not attending. Says she brought a guest with her – David’s sister, Sarah. She’s desperate, poor thing. She will spend the night.
When Evelyn leaves, Sarah shows up at the door of his study, a gun in her hand.
Is this plausible? Maybe – Sarah sneaks in and shows up at Finley’s door, a gun in her hand?
Or – show David’s funeral? Sarah is there – and so is Finley… his security officer nearby waiting to get to Sarah as soon as the funeral is over? Sarah gets inside into Finley’s car or Evelyn’s car…
That – or a gathering at the Hauser’s home (Sarah’s mother is there) – Sarah befriends Evelyn there? Finely leaves earlier… Then, back at his house – Even has brought Sarah with her?
Beat 49
Int. Finley’s Study
With a gun in her hand, Sarah demands Finley to confess – but is overpowered by Alvaro, Finley’s security man – and is taken to a lake house.
Beat 50
Int. Finley’s Lake House
It is clear that Finely plans to eliminate her, the final loose end – but he can’t help but play the cat and mouse game with her. Tells her she knew her as a kid…
Sarah has a flashback of seeing Finley in her father’s study as she’s saying goodbye (before leaving for Amsterdam). She overheard her father’s voice behind the closed door… (if Evil didn’t exist, it would have to be invented…)
Finley tells her that it was her father who was the mastermind of the renegade operation to save Bin Laden. The paper trail will lead to him… He then gives an order to Alvaro to take Sarah out…. His wife calls.
It is revealed that Sarah was recording the entire scene with a body cam – and it is live-streamed on the internet.
Alvaro panics. Finley manages to locate the camera in the button of Sarah’s blouse (or a necklace) – but it’s too late. The FB men special forces are at the door.
Before they break in, Finley shoots Alvaro, shouting “I saved her life…”
Beat 51
EXT. Cemetery
Sarah and Matty visit David’s grave.
Finley will be put on trial – but Sarah is in doubt. “What if he gets away with it? Blame everything on my father…
“Everyone saw him confess on camera”
It’s not like he shot me on camera…”
‘Was that your plan?” Matty asks.
Sarah turns to David’s grave – “please forgive me.”
Then, to her father’s grave. “Maybe he planned this… his day of reckoning. I want to believe that…”
(She sees 2 deer watching her, near the grave. ”Don’t let him forget.”)
Then, to Matty. ‘There’s something I need to tell you. Once the trial is over…
Elevate the scene – (She decides to confess to Matty). Or she – I can’t testify on trial because I too am guilty? Tell Matty about Amsterdam – “ and this is on record.”
Or the scene takes place after Finley’s trial? He’s convicted but Sarah is disappointed with the results. That’s why she’s on her way to see Omar – to give him the tape?
Beat 52
INT. Kabul – Omar’s Studio.
Sarah meets Omar and gives him the tape. He’s suing the American government for his brother’s death.
She watches his show on the monitor – he burns the tape as a gesture of reconciliation.
She walks out on him – and drives away, into the mountains. The spirit of Luna (the mand whose life she had taken) is with her. He’s her wound her shadow in the past – now her guardian angel (is she driving to her death)?
Elevate: Sarah delivers the tape to Omar. For him – it’s a long-anticipated scene of love fulfilled. (He tells he’s getting a divorce?) But she can’t have him…She watches him on the screen as he shows the tape to his followers (the gem of truth) calling for reconciliation… She walks out, leaving a recording with her “confession…”
As she drives away with the spirit of Luna in her car (You’re the only man for me”, we hear her voice as Omar (and Matty? Listen to her “confession”): “Where you hear this, I’ll be far away…”
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Rachel,
I like the new logline – much clearer.
Still not sure how bungling these investigations is related to his personal demons…
Or is it that he’s just naive? Maybe he’s used by someone who’s more powerful and ruthless than he is? Or someone he has an emotional attachment to?
And is Clark an FBI informer?
Also, it seems at the Mid point, Clark is the one who is active. What is our her’s action, his choice?
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Basic Structure – Alternative Version
I’m still rethinking the major plot points… I feel the inciting incident could be stronger – and Sarah’s drive to save Omar could be more grounded, emotionally… I’m toying with the idea that they knew each other in the past when they were teenagers — and got separated by her father… My reservation is that this perhaps a more cliché than having Sarah fighting for a complete stranger… I have included some options – a and b – still brainstorming the best one. Also, trying to give the mid-point more weight…
Main Conflict: A war photographer must uncover a 20 years old CIA conspiracy to save the life of her accidental lover (or – childhood sweetheart she meets by chance?) finding herself in increasing jeopardy from a corrupt politician who would stop at nothing to cover it up.
Opening:
At the suicide bombing in Kabul, Sarah discovers a body of a woman torn apart by the explosion. She removes the burka covering the woman’s face, trying to capture her expression… The sun is too bright and she asks her fixer to move the body to the shade to get a better shot.
2. Inciting Incident:
a) Sarah gets an invitation from a host of a popular religious talk show – a TV sheik. She can’t sleep and goes to the party, reluctantly. At the party, she realizes that the host, Omar Khaled is her childhood sweetheart, her first love. His father, an illegal immigrant from Afghanistan, worked for her father as (chauffeur, landscaper, gardener, chef?). When her father, the senator found about their relationship, he fired his dad. They were 14-15 at the time.
OR
b) Sarah receives an invitation to a talk show. The host has a controversial reputation… Sarah sees his picture and is intrigued. He reminds her of her first love. She discovers on the show that Omar is in fact that childhood sweetheart.
After the show, they revisit the past… He tells her he returned to Afghanistan (the country his father escaped) to help rebuild it, pave the new path… He’s a man with a vision – genuinely religious yet hypocritical… Mentions his brother Ahmed who fought with Bin Laden and died in Slat Pit, a CIA Black site near Kabul.
They rekindle their connection (end up in her hotel room?) but are interrupted by a phone call from Burr.
a) Omar rushes to see him… Leaving her, in distress, behind.
b) Omar is in a hurry to leave… Sarah goes with him. He explains in the cab that the man is a former CIA interrogator and has some sensational information about his brother’s death.
In the morning Sarah finds out in the news that Omar was arrested, accused of murdering a former CIA interrogator.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
1) Or Page 10 – Sarah and Omar rekindle their love… The audience is misled to believe this is going to be a love story.
On page 15 – Page 15 – Sarah comes with Omar to see Burr…
Then – reversal when Omar is arrested. But still a love story… I have to save him!
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
New versions:
a) Sarah is interviewed by the detective who tells her that Omar was investigating his brother’s death and that Burr was Ahmed’s interrogator at Salt Pit (a suspect). A revenge killing? shows her a surveillance video of Omar in Burr’s apartment, taking the tape as proof that Omar was there. In the video, Omar is seen taking the tape… Sarah asks who took the video – the detective says the Americans shared took it…. Burr was under surveillance. Sarah is alarmed. Denies she was with Omar that night.
When she returns to the hotel, she finds the envelope with the tape and a burner phone…
b) Omar’s wife delivers the tape to her – Omar asked her to? She tells Sarah – save my husband?
Sarah decides to investigate. Calls Said for help.
5. Mid-Point:
Sarah locates Gibbs using the burner phone (turns out it belonged to Burr).
She meets with Gibbs and makes a major discovery – about what happened back in 2011. A) Gibbs tells her his side of the story – he was Ahmed’s handler, someone who recruited him, but he was fired from the CIA after 9/11 – and someone else used his asset – then got rid of him. He’s been conducting his own investigation – that’s why he was in touch with Burr.
A) Gibbs is trying to manipulate Sarah into giving him the tape that he says he needs to crack the case.
B) Gibbs is telling the truth – he’s a good guy and Finley, his former boss is his nemesis.
Sarah initially believes Gibbs and agrees to give him the tape – but she doesn’t have it with her. They go back to the hotel… Something about his behavior alarms her… Or maybe she asks Matty to confirm his story – and Matty finds out he’s lying about being fired? Gibbs pulls a gun on her – but she escapes with the tape.
She finally calls David – they two meet. David gets an idea – to take the tape to Finley, his boss.
After that meeting, Gibbs decides to dig into her past (suspecting that something fishy is going on between her and David).
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Gibbs confronts Sarah with his findings of her and David’s past – the pictures from the camera he obtained at the police station in Amsterdam. The pictures implicate David and Sarah in possibly murdering a man (Parker Luna).
Looking at the pictures – Sarah remembers and relieves the experience – her night of the soul.
She’s terrified. The next moment, she discovers that David has been killed in a car crash on orders from Finley. (They made a mistake by approaching him)
7. Crisis:
Gibbs realizes he is no longer in control. Finely no longer needs him. Sarah’s life is in danger.
He takes her to an old safe house intent to negotiate with Finley. But Finley has thrown him under the bus – blaming the operation on him. Gibbs attempts to use leverage against Finely (the recording of their conversations) – but Finley outplays him, murdering him and staging his death as a suicide.
Sarah is crushed. Not only she’s losing the battle to expose the truth and save Omar — David and Gibbs are both gone, and she feels responsible for their deaths.
8. Climax:
In what seems like a suicidal mission, Sarah sneaks into Finley’s house with a gun and a camera attached to her body. She knows he wants he will try to kill her – and is recording their encounter, manipulating Finley into admitting his guilt.
Their confrontation is streamed live and goes viral. Meanwhile, Matty calls the Feds – and they arrive just on time to save Sarah’s life.
9. Resolution:
Finley is arrested and Sarah prepares to testify at his trial. Afraid he might still get away without a conviction – she takes the tape to Omar who, now released, sues the American government for the death of his brother. But Omar burns the tape on his show as a gesture that denounces the past and foresees the new future between the two countries.
Sarah walks out on him and drives into the mountains. No longer in immediate jeopardy, she feels the full weight of her guilt for the death of Luna, the man whose life she’s taken in Amsterdam. She feels his presence in her car. No longer a horrifying shadow from her dreams, he’s quiet, humorous… Is he the angel of death or her guardian angel? Whatever it is, she knows he’s the only man for her.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Marina Shron.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by
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Marina S.
The Image Makers
Basi Structure – Version 1
Main Conflict: A war photographer must uncover a 20 years old conspiracy to save her life and the life of her accidental lover… but at some point has to choose between the two.
Opening:
At the suicide bombing in Kabul, Sarah discovers a body of a woman torn apart by the explosion. She takes a series of shots to capture her expression… The sun is too bright and she asks her fixer Said to move the body to the shade to get a better shot.
Inciting Incident:
1. Current version: Sarah is interviewed by Omar Khaled on his show. He challenges her addiction to photograph suffering and death (playing God) and tells that Allah will punish the image makers on the day of resurrection. Do something practical instead (plant a grain of seed).
The actual inciting incident: After the show, he asks for her help to investigate the death of his brother at Salt Pit years prior. She refuses. (page 15-17).
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Current version: on Page 10 Sarah says “One day I’ll capture it on film, flying away (a soul).
We know what the story is about thematically. Dramatically, it’s a slow start…
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
Sarah finds out Omar has been arrested – receives his note and a videotape (and a burner cell phone she believes to be his). Decides to investigate. (First turning Point – End Act 1?). Now – page 35.
Mid-Point:
Sarah charges the phone Omar sent her along with the videotape – it’s Burr’s phone. She traces the last call made to Burr – call the number it came from – it’s Gibb’s office number. She meets with Gibbs who promises to release Omar in exchange for the tape.
To win Sarah’s trust, Gibbs tells her about his role in the 2001 renegade operation. He was Ahmed’s handler who delivered the message and the money to him. But the orders came from his boss – who now holds an important position in the government and who would do anything to cover up the op.
Sarah almost agrees to surrender the tape but receives a call from David and leaves in a hurry.
After that meeting, Gibbs decides to dig into her past (suspecting that something fishy is going on between her and David).
The second turning point at end of Act 2:
Gibbs confronts Sarah with his findings of her and David’s past – the pictures from the camera he obtained at the police station in Amsterdam. The pictures implicate David and Sarah in possibly murdering a man (Parker Luna).
Looking at the pictures – Sarah remembers and relieves the experience – her night of the soul.
She’s terrified. The next moment, she discovers that David has been killed in a car crash on orders from Finley. (They made a mistake by approaching him)
Crisis:
Gibbs realizes he is no longer in control. Finely no longer needs him. Sarah’s life is in danger.
He takes her to an old safe house intent to negotiate with Finley. But Finley has thrown him under the bus – blaming the operation on him. Gibbs attempts to use leverage against Finely (the recording of their conversations) – but Finley outplays him, murdering him and staging his death as a suicide.
Sarah is crushed. Not only she’s losing the battle to expose the truth and save Omar — David and Gibbs are both gone, and she feels responsible for their deaths.
Climax:
In what seems like a suicidal mission, Sarah sneaks into Finley’s house with a gun and a camera attached to her body. She knows he wants he will try to kill her – and is recording their encounter, manipulating Finley into admitting his guilt.
Their confrontation is streamed live and goes viral. Meanwhile, Matty calls the Feds – and they arrive just on time to save Sarah’s life.
Resolution:
Finley is arrested and Sarah prepares to testify at his trial. Afraid he might still get away without a conviction – she takes the tape to Omar who, now released, sues the American government for the death of his brother. But Omar burns the tape on his show as a gesture that denounces the past and foresees the new future between the two countries.
Sarah walks out on him and drives into the mountains. No longer in immediate jeopardy, she feels the full weight of her guilt for the death of Luna, the man whose life she’s taken in Amsterdam. She feels his presence in her car. No longer a horrifying shadow from her dreams, he’s quiet, humorous… Is he the angel of death or her guardian angel? Whatever it is, she knows he’s the only man for her.
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Not sure where we’re supposed to post the revised one-pager… So posting it here.
The Image Makers
by Marina Shron
A feature screenplay
Genre: Geopolitical/Psychological Thriller
Logline:
An American war photographer with a dark secret in her past becomes entangled in her accidental lover’s investigation of a CIA renegade operation in Afghanistan circa 2001 and must risk her life and her family legacy to save him and atone for her past.
Synopsis
Sarah Hauser comes from a conservative political dynasty. A daughter of a late US Republican senator David Hauser Sr, she learned from an early age not to trust appearances… not even her own.
Now 33, she bides her time in Kabul, working on photospread for Esquire Magazine and escaping her mess of a personal life. She’s as passionate about her work — always searching for a perfect frame — even while photographing a dismembered female body at a bombing site. She seems aloof, devoid of feeling… but behind her detachment, we sense a desperate strive to capture the very essence of death with her camera.
Sarah’s notoriety attracts a host of a popular Afghan TV talk show who invites her for a live studio interview. Omar Khaled is a London-educated journalist and a religious zealot, a brooding contradiction not unlike Sarah herself. There’s a spark between the two – and it’s no surprise that they begin an affair. But their first night takes an unexpected turn when Omar gets a call from Gene Burr, a former CIA interrogator at the Salt Pit, a black site near Kabul – with a promise of some groundbreaking information that concerns Omar’s brother who was imprisoned Salt Pit and died there under suspicious circumstances…Sarah joins Omar, and together, they rush to Burr’s house only to find it empty… However, unbeknownst to Sarah, Omar finds a videotape left in a VCR slot, depicting his brother’s interrogation by Burr… As he rushes home to watch the tape, Sarah spends a restless night in her hotel, haunted by a disturbing dream. In the morning, she finds out that Omar has been arrested, accused of Burr’s murder. He leaves behind a note for Sarah and the videotape as proof of his innocence.
At the first glance, the tape seems to implicate Omar by giving him a motive. Yet Sarah refuses to believe he’s a murderer. She enlists Said, her Afghan fixer to translate the interrogation tape. Quickly, they realize there’s more to it than hits the eye – during the interrogation, Omar’s brother confesses to being a CIA informer. But before they get to the end of the tape, a professional assassin breaks into Said’s apartment… Said is killed while helping Sarah to escape. Deeply shaken by the experience, Sarah flees back to New York, determined to uncover the truth behind the deadly videotape.
Meanwhile, in New York, agent Gibbs, the director of the CIA Special Ops, installs the surveillance equipment in her apartment. Gibbs is in charge of the cover-up, his single objective is to retrieve the tape – and he’s under pressure from his superior to get the job done quickly.
When back in New York, Sarah and her former girlfriend Matty, an editor of a major newspaper, watch the tape to the end – they make another startling discovery about Ahmed’s mission — he was paid by someone at the CIA to help Bin Laden escape during the operation in Tora Bora.
The game of cat and mouth ensues. Hunted by Gibbs, Ahmed’s handler at the time, and his elusive superior, Sarah struggles to get to the bottom of the conspiracy while Gibbs is doing his best to obtain the tape… When she manages to track him and confront him – Gibbs tells her some semblance of truth and promises to realize Omar in exchange for her cooperation. Limited in her options, Sarah, instead, asks her estranged brother David for help.
There’s some bad blood between the two… We realize that David was involved in Sarah’s “accident” in Amsterdam, the flashes of which – half-memories, half-dreams – keep haunting her ever since she met Omar. The two meet and have a poignant reunion… It seems David has a different, perhaps a more lucid – and more troubling — memory of the event… But he refuses to share it with Sarah.
He’s not keen on getting involved in Sarah’s present quest either – not until he realizes her life is threatened. He devises a plan that would convince his Republican boss, a powerful figure in the government, to open an official investigation into the CIA conspiracy of both past and present… Sarah is relieved. There’s finally hope for her and Omar.
While David takes the tape to his boss Finley, Gibbs is digging into Sarah and David’s past, trying to find some compromising material he can use as leverage… His efforts pay off when he makes an unexpected discovery connecting the siblings to a gruesome murder in Amsterdam.
Turns out that the man that haunts Sarah in her dreams did exist. He was a Black jazz musician from Yemen who took her and her brother under his wing after they were robbed in Amsterdam. … Sarah and David’s drug-induced paranoia got the best of them – resulting in the man’s horrific death. And their father uses his influence to stop the investigation. The only remaining record of the event is an old Leica camera with unprocessed film inside Sarah and David left on the scene of the crime.
Gibbs gets a hold of the camera and confronts Sarah with the images depicted on film, prompting her to recover the full memory of the event — her night of the soul. She’s crushed by guilt, but she wants to protect David… As she negotiates with Gibbs the terms of her surrendering the tape, she receives yet another blow — David has been killed in a deadly car crash – and Finley, the man he trusted, is the one who ordered him dead… It was him, Finley, all alone, Gibbs reveals to her, who was in charge of the renegade operation back in 2001. He’s Gibb’s elusive boss.
It is clear that Finley has ta decided to take matters into his hands – and Gibbs, shocked by David’s death, is ready to turn the tables on his boss. But once again, Finley manages to beat him at his game. He blames the renegade operation along with the cover-up on his former associate and stages Gibb’s suicide.
With Gibbs gone, Sarah makes a desperate if not suicidal decision — she confronts Finley with a live stream camera attached to her body. Their showdown goes viral, but before the feds arrive – just in time to save her life — Finley implicates her late father as the real mastermind of the devious renegade operation – the man that he, Finley, had been answering to.
In the film’s epilogue, Sarah is back in Kabul, at Omar’s studio. He’s been released from jail, invigorated by a newly found political ambition to become a savior of his country. Their reunion is bitter-sweet, marred by excruciating pain Sarah can no longer escape. Saving Omar was her way of reckoning for taking the life of an innocent man… but she’s far from having found redemption. She’s condemned to live with her guilt – feeling that man’s presence next to her every day of her life.
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The Image Makers
by Marina Shron
A feature screenplay
Genre: Geopolitical/Psychological Thriller
Logline:
An American war photographer with a dark secret in her past becomes entangled in her accidental lover’s investigation of a CIA renegade operation in Afghanistan circa 2001 and must risk her life and her family legacy to save him and atone for her past.
Or
After a one-night stand with an Afghan TV journalist in Kabul, an American war photographer becomes entangled in his investigation of a CIA black operation and must risk her family legacy to expose the truth and save him.
Synopsis
Sarah Hauser comes from a conservative political dynasty. A daughter of a late US Republican senator David Hauser Sr, she learned from an early age not to trust appearances… not even her own.
When the story begins Sarah, works on an assignment in Kabul, photographing the former prisoners of the Salt Pit, once a CIA black site. She’s obsessed with her work yet emotionally detached… When a host of a conservative TV show, Omar Khaled, asks for her help in investigating his brother’s suspicious death in Salt Pit where he was a prisoner, Sarah refuses. Yet she feels intrigued by Omar, attracted to him. After their meeting, she strats having strange flashbacks — half-memories, half-dreams – of a man’s death she witnessed at 16 when vacationing in Amsterdam… Or perhaps she was more than mere witnesses?
To shake off disturbing flashbacks, half-memories, half-dreams, Sarah begins an affair with Omar. But their first night takes an unexpected turn when her lover gets a call from a former CIA interrogator at the Salt Pit – with a promise of a groundbreaking interview… Omar and Sarah rush to his house only to find it empty… And in the morning, Omar is arrested, accused of the man’s murder. He leaves behind a note for Sarah and a “torture tape” depicting harsh interrogation of his brother by the now-dead CIA man… the tape he had picked in the house the previous night.
While the tape seems to implicate Omar by providing him with a motive, Sarah refuses to believe he’s is guilty. She enlists Said, her Afghan fixer to translate the interrogation tape. Quickly, they realize there’s more to it than hits the eye – during the interrogation, the detainee, Omar’s brother confesses to being a CIA informer. But before they get to the end of the tape, a professional assassin breaks into Said’s apartment… Said is killed while helping Sarah to escape. Deeply shaken by the experience, Sarah flees back to New York, determined to uncover the truth behind the deadly videotape.
Meanwhile, in New York, agent Gibbs, the director of the CIA Special Ops, installs surveillance equipment in her apartment. Gibbs is in charge of some cover-up operation that led to the murder of the black site interrogator, Omar’s arrest, and Said’s death. His objective is to retrieve the tape – and he’s under pressure from a mysterious superior to get the job done quickly. When Sarah and her former girlfriend Matty, an editor of a major newspaper arrive in her apartment and watch the tape to the end – Gibbs watches them as they make another startling discovery. Not only Ahmed (the detainee on the tape and Omar’s brother) was a CIA asset, he was paid by someone at the CIA to help Bin Laden escape during the operation in Tora Bora. Gibbs, at the time Ahmed’s handler never approved of the renegade operation that was orchestrated by his boss, but has no choice but helps him cover the tracks now…
The game of cat and mouth ensues. Hunted by Gibbs and his elusive superior, Sarah tries to get to the bottom of the conspiracy. She manages to elude Gibbs initial attempts to steal the tape from her…. But she’s limited in her options, and so eventually, she decides to contact her estranged brother David, a career politician, and ask for his help. We realize there’s some bad blood between the two of them… Somehow, David was involved in Sarah’s accident in Amsterdam that keep haunting her ever since she met Omar. Following their poignant reunion, David takes the tape to his boss, Michael Finley, National Security Advisor… Meanwhile, Gibbs, digs into Sarah and David’s past, trying to find some compromising material he can use as leverage… His efforts pay off handsomely when he makes an unexpected discovery connecting the siblings to a gruesome murder in Amsterdam.
Confronted by Gibbs, Sarah recovers the full memory of the event. The man that haunts her in her dreams did exist. He was a Black jazz musician from Yemen who took her and her brother under his wing after they were robbed in Amsterdam and got high on mushrooms. The two spoiled brats were repaid for his kindness by setting him on fire in a drug-induced paranoia — and their powerful father made sure they never paid the price.
When Sarah recovers the full memory of the horrific event she’d been suppressing for so long and relieves her night of the soul – she is crushed by guilt. Yet, she wants to protect David… When Gibbs threatens to take the story to press, Sarah offers to give him the tape, concealing that she no longer has it. As the two negotiate, Sarah receives a call that David has been killed in a deadly car crash…She reveals to Gibbs that David has taken the tape to Finley. Gibbs admits to her that Finley is the man he’s been working for all along –in the past as well as in the present. Finley ordered David dead… He’s tying up loose ends, and Sarah is the next in line.
At this point, Gibbs is ready to turn tables on his boss, but Finley beats him at his game. He stages Gibbs’ suicide, blaming the 2001 renegade operation on his former associate, and taking credit for uncovering the conspiracy.
With Gibbs gone, Sarah makes the only decision that’s left for her – she confronts Finley with a live stream camera attached to her body. Their showdown goes viral, but before the feds arrive – just in time to save her – Finley implicates her late father as the mastermind of the 2001 charade. By exposing Finley, Sarah has also undone her father’s legacy.
In the film’s epilogue, Sarah is back in Kabul. She meets Omar who’s been released from jail. Their reunion is marred by the pain of David’s death – Omar’s growing political ambitions – but more than anything by her deepened sense of guilt for the past she can no longer block. Saving Omar was her way of reckoning, but will she ever find redemption?
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1. Marina S.
2. I agree to the terms of this release form.
3. GROUP RELEASE FORM
As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.
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1. Marina
2. 5 feature screenplays, 1 produced, 4 produced shorts
3. Want to rewrite my new script, a sprawling political thriller with a female lead. I’ve been getting some good responses but not a fefinite “yes.” I feel it’s 100 percent there yet.
4. I teach screenwriting in college but find it difficult to follow the advice I give to my students..
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Hi Rachel, in my experience, it takes more than a week to create or revise a beat sheet… I would say, one week is hardly enough… Anyways, I would be happy to give yours a read. Unfortunately, I’m traveling next week – and won’t be able to do it until I’m back… The same goes for my own assignments:) I’d say it’s good to have this kind of structure and look at one layer after another… At this point, the deadlines are not so important… not for me, anyway. I’m hoping to come up with a new draft by late September at which point I’m doing a Stowe story lab. How about you? Any pressing deadlines?
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Haha, thanks.
Maybe I’m overthinking it:)
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Rachel,
One question I still have is who is the main antagonist – is it Clark? Or the naval officer? I a bit confused about the officer’s connection to the plot. Perhaps that part could be simplified.
Any thoughts on my revised one-pager?
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by Marina Shron.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by
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Rachel, great nob with the rewrite – I think I posted my response in the wrong place:)
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Rachel, this is much more clear and powerful – goes to the heart of the story… The only questions I have are about the climax – and how does he get from “being ambushed by the Canadian” to save the day…
But this is a very successful rewrite!
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Sounds good!
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Hi Rachel,
Sounds great – would love to partner with you.
Do you know how this works? Are we supposed to connect outside of this forum?