[Mark Doddy]

Mark Doddy’s Rewrite of Benito Selim’s Treatment

What I learned writing this assignment is that it is important to fully understand a producers idea and to ingest it until you understand the idea enough that you could create something as true to their vision as possible. It is also important to have enough conversations with the producer that you don’t go off and work a bunch on an idea that they don’t want.

Genre: Horror

Title: Spell Binder

Concept: A “smart” digitally connected music venue is locked down after the headlining band conjures a demon spell that creates a contagious demon outbreak in the concert, causing death and mayhem.

Audience: Teens and 16-35 Females, Concert Goers & Music Industry professionals

Journey/Arc: Jackson Reed overcomes his Production Assist/Gofer status to become one of the last survivors of a demon infection.

Opening Ending: Opening with the stage and characters preparing for a big concert by the band Seven Sphere. Ends with 4 survivors. One survivor stays behind to burn the Mcguffin, a cursed book and 3 survivors helicopter out.

ACT 1

MM1 – Preparing for the concert.

We see a news reel setting the scene that Seven Sphere is a huge band that will reuniting with their ex-lead guitar player Dean and for their show that they will performing at the newest concert stadium, THE HELION CENTER, a new “smart” facility using all the latest technology.

We meet, Jackson Reed, a Gofer/PA, is busy preparing the stage for the reunion show of Seven Sphere. After a few misc and dangerous task (like climbing the lighting rig) Jackson is assigned to show Seven Spheres head of security Benny, around the facility. This includes pointing out where all of the exits are and other safety concerns. Jackson explains how the facility is equipped with fail safe locking mechanisms to keep people out of the facility that don’t belong. Jackson starts having fun and showing off how when he says certain commands the facility responds. He notes that only him and a few other people’s voices are prgrammed to do so. We also meet Kevin the outspoken tour manager, An unmarked van pulls up outside the concert hall and delivers a package to security that is brought up to the band.

MM2 – Getting ready for the band

Seven Sphere banners adorn the venue. The Tour bus shows up, fans surround it and the bus pulls through a secure gate. We get a taste of some of the high tech gear at the venue and the smart lock the tour bus enters through. A scanner senses the fans of the band and shuts them out. The band is escorted by head of security to their dressing room area. Jackson’s cute coworker Candace Smith and head of security escort the band. Jackson has been ordered to remove the mysterious package contents and place them on a music stand for the band to check it out. Candace is meticulous about setting the book out just right. Candace and Jackson

MM3- Introduce the band

Enter the band, Seven Sphere, later age rockers, still with plenty of sex appeal enter the dressing room area. Every staff member stands to attention to greet them, Candice is still adjusting the mysterious book to make sure it is perfect and Jackson has to get her attention so she stands too. The band – Rory Cross, the lead singer, Rocky, Bert, Nelson and Mike enter the room. Rory admires the book and is obsessed. The drummer foreshadows that the book looks evil and he is brushed off quickly. Then Dean, a more disheveled version of a rocker enters the room. He says breathes near Candace who quickly notices his boozy breath. The tour manager notes how tonight is sold out. Rory is on an excited high; he hugs Dean and says “welcome back” followed by a bear hug from the band.

MM4- With great fanfare Seven Sphere takes the stage. We see a montage of the band playing a familiar cover and a few highlights of songs that the crowd sings along to. Then there is a big build up to the new song they are premiering live. The lead singer comes out presenting the vintage looking book and he places it down for the crowd to see on a music stand.

The Song begins.

As the music plays we see the crowd dance and feel the music and then suddenly someone in the crowd starts to feel burning under their skin, and then another person. Soon several people are feeling cursed and demonized. The crowd starts to scream in agony as the song continues. Within moments various members of the crowd are turning into foul demon like creatures. As the music continues a few fans turned creatures in the front row start turning. A very excited long haired fan turns to his hot girlfriend and as he thinks he is getting a kiss he is met with his lips being torn off. Blood starts splattering the front row. As one demon posses a soul he conjures another demons black smoke like soul into another victim Security steps in quickly but they are also bit or shredded by the hands of the demons. The song comes to a finish as the sounds of horror fill the concert hall. Very soon after the rest of the band are killed in in unique ways. One is stabbed by a demon with his own guitar, one gets a microphone used as a hammer to his head and the drummer’s head is sliced off with a well placed cymbal.

ACT2

The head of security Benny grabs Dean and Rory and pulls them off stage to safety.

The entire concert hall is filled with the sound of demons shredding bodies and people screaming. The screams are broken by the sound of an alarm filling the stadium. We see the doors to the facility slamming shut with alarms and red lights.

The facility is shut down.

Jackson and Candice navigate back stage to find safety where they meet Kevin, Katelynn and Cindy in the hallways backstage. Cindy notes that the back stage is safe from the crowd but there is no way out. They can watch on the video monitors many of the fans being torn to shreds as the demons wreak havoc.

Time passes

Hours later. The group continues to hear screaming and see feeds of blood and gore on the video monitors. The power shuts off and the lighting turns to emergency lighting with low watt orange and red splatters of light. Jackson clarifies that the generator is now the only power and their time is limited. The lead singer Rory is really starting to freak out and says they should get out and seek help while the ex band member Dean is calm and says they should wait.

The group draws straws and even though RORY drew the shortest straw no one wants to let him leave because he is too valuable so they take a vote and send Jackson and Candice. Benny doesn’t feel it is right and volunteers to go with them.

Jackson, Candice and Benny carefully walk through the venue as emergency lighting barely guides their way. Some areas they turn through have flickering red emergency lights and are only lit by emergency exit signs. They go down a long haunting corridor and find that they are met by a ton of demons behind a locked security barrier. They decide to go the other way.

Back stage – Rory grows impatient and wants to leave, but Will discourages him.

The search party turns away from the first demons they and the other exit they are met by a single demon who is smashed between doors. They release the doors and the demon almost kills Jackson, but Benny quickly fights and kills him. Benny guides them to an upstairs suite that only the band has a key card to and they find Judy Mason and Paige have hidden there. They have a moment of reprieve to eat and drink. Mason over indulges in the free drink.

Back stage – Rory is going crazy by staying in one area so Will offer to go outside and scout an area. The GROUP SEARCHES FOR CELL SIGNAL. There is none. Jackson notes that there is a cell blocker to keep people from posting live videos from the concert. While outside of the room in a suspiciously quite area, Will discovers the escape route map. He sees that if they go north and pull a switch they can leave the facility. Will pulls a lever and then goes back to get everyone else out of the room. The lever he pulled released the hoard of demons on the on the other side of the security gate. Will reports back to the group that he found a clear path. Will and Rory start on a path and then behind them the demon’s slaughter Kevin by smashing him with a door, Ketelynn is run over by a demon pushing a giant amp as a weapon, and Cindy head is smashed in with a stage light leaving room for a bunch of demons to surround her and steal parts of her soul.

Jackson leads Candice and Benny down a dark hallway to another exit. They find a few concert goers They are cornered . Jackson uses some of the smart controls to stop the demons, releasing fire extinguishers at command, sprinklers and he starts throwing any weapon he can find at them. Mason and Cindy attempt to fight back and their souls are taken by the demons. Candice strikes a demon with a pipe and decapitates it.

Jackson notes that decapitation is the only way to kill them.

Now everyone can take a swing at a demon and kill them by decapitating them they head to the security room. The security cameras work and Benny can see most of the venue and outside. The group is frightened as we can see the carnage around the stadium. Outside the building they see law enforcement from all over.

Outside the military approaches the police and state how they have had similar outbreaks and the only way to stop it is to destroy the building.

Act 3

Will, Rory and Dean run through the venue maneuver around puddles of blood and body parts. They make it to the main stage. Dean notices something on the stage and quickly covers it. Will and Rory yell to him, but he is separated and makes his way under the stage out of the sight of the demons. Will leads Rory towards the security room.

Benny, sees them approaching on the monitors and lets them in. Will and Rory Collapse on the ground. The group attends to them. Benny attempts to make a call but the phones are dead. Benny sees an emergency phone that is solar powered. It has a slight charge and the group tries to add light with flashlights to power it up.

Judy says she feels ill and wants to lay down. Rory is trying to explain why he used the book for his lyrics and how I seemed like such a cool idea like how Carmina Burana was written off of a bunch of ancient text. Candice says she use to study Latin and supernatural beliefs and comments on the style of the binder and how it was clear to her that the lyrics conjured demons. She notes that if Rory can finish the text it should vanish the demons. She also says if he can get the binder they can use it to protect themselves and control the demons.

Benny gets the phone to work and talks to the dispatch commander who says the building will be blown up and if they get to the roof the police can helicopter them out. Benny tells the group and Rory tells everyone they gotta go! Jackson notices the cameras and that the demons are splitting apart exposing Dean in the middle of them carrying the binder.

Rory is happy to see Dean alive but Candice warns him that he is up to no good. Rory disagrees and leaves. Judy awakes form her nap but just stands in the corner acting weird. Benny leads the group out and will alerts everyone that Judy has turned.

Judy attacks will and rips his throat out then she turns to the others but Jackson slams the door on her head. The group holds her in the door but she is too strong. Candace then grabs a fire extinguisher and slams it down on her head, knocking it off. They leave Will’s corpse, knowing he will turn, Benny locks Will in.

Dean stands among his Demons and see Rory coming towards him. Dean gently commands his Demons to not hurt him. Rory tells Dean to come with him, he is escaping and Dean laughs at him. Dean says Rory is not getting out of there and elaborates on how horrible his life became when he was kicked out of the band. And how he learned the black magic to conjure the demons as part of his plan to ruin everything for Rory. Dean orders his demons to capture Rory, bit not to kill him…yet.

Benny, Jackson and Candice make it to the beams that run across the ceiling, Jackson shows them where to go and that there is a launch pad up top. AS they begin to cross Dean appears and tells them this is all Rory’s fault. Candice shows Jackson that Dean has the book. Dean tells them no one is leaving and the demons begin to emerge and grab a hold of Rory.

Jackson finds a thick stage pipe and Candace gives him the signal to hit Dean who drops the binder. Candace grabs it and she orders the Demons back (like holding a crucifix to a vampire.) She orders the Demon to attack Dean who dog pile him and we see an eruption of blood.

Candace gives Rory the binder; Rory finishes the verse as a giant portal opens on the venue floor. The demons are sucked in as well as parts of the venue (like a hole in space). Rory completes the verse and the portal closes. The group opens a door to the roof and they see the helicopter flying in. Rory stops, Candace ask him what is wrong and he shows that he has received a few gashes in his back and side, they pulsate.

Rory takes the binder and tells them he doesn’t want to take any chances. Rory closes the door behind him and locks himself in the building. Benny, Jackson and Candice climb onto the helicopter and watch from the helicopter as fighter jets fly in and drop bombs on the venue destroying it.

A year later in the California desert the “Oasis” festival is set to open. An unmarked van with the same sketchy man as the opening steps out and hands a package to security. He gets back into the van and as he removes his hood we see that he is a Rory who is now a demon.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz Plan for Increasing Perceived Value

“What I learned doing this assignment is… I think this class in general has taught me 2 big things. 1) This class really helped me discover my authentic self. 2) That I have been a prolific producer, but I need to show that on my socials. I am connected, maybe not the way I want, but enough to get me to the next step, which for me is producing a few short films that I am extremely proud of.

1. What is your specialty? I work in sci-fi dark comedies. Available on Amazon are several low budget films I have edited or directed that are within this realm. I am excited to start working on building my own production company/brand and I am looking to build my team of people who also want to work on oddity films with me.

2. How many producers do you have in your LinkedIn Network? – I had 10. Mostly I have digital producers and one important filmmaker , Jared Lundy from checkmate films, who I use to work with that is currently deceased; so I have 9. (He would have laughed at that joke).

3. “Increasing Your Perceived Value,” in these three time frames:

A. Today – Understanding my role. I want to concentrate more on my writing. I like to write and I want to find good writers. For 20 years I have been a producer and generalist. I wrote out of necessity 6 yearly awards show scripts 65 or so pages, constant weekly news program at 22 pages a show for 10 years, several award winning 30 minute Documentaries and PSA’s and have conducted a ton of on the spot interviews and news stories… and I loved that part of my life.

I want to specialize creatively but unlike many people wanting to break in I have been an editor, director, grip, gaffer, DP and ENG camera opp. Now I want to schedule myself and my energy to screenplay & episodic series writing.

B. In the next 30 days – My future growth will need to come in building a team and to start bringing the team together to build my brand in 2022 for my new production company filmododdy.com

C. In the next 6 months – To produce my first of at least 3 short films to be produced in 2022/2023. To pay for them to be produced and to get them festival attention at any level. I’ll need to get a great DP, and a competent video editor, because even though I am a generalist, I no longer want to do all of these jobs myself. I want more creative ingredients in my filmography soup.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz – is a Note Taking Professional!

What I learned is – I feel like once you have given up being stubborn about your script and allow yourself to change things you see much more fluidity in what you’ve written.

1. Tell us the logline of your treatment from the last assignment.

A group of environmentalist stuck alone in the ocean with robotic sharks. What could go wrong?

2. Tell us how you would honor each of the following requests:

– Cut the budget in half. – Reduce the use of shooting on a yacht and maybe move the yacht to a barge or beach.

– Write it for a different audience (quadrant). – This is scifi dark comedy. The script takes itself serious though and could be made with a stronger horror edge to it.

– Double the conflict. – If we move the location to a beach, the sharks would have legs, which would make the situations worse.

– Change the sex and age of the lead character. The antagonist and protagonist are partners. They can be any age, but old enough to have some technology backgrounds. However we could make the Protagonist a kid genius so he could now be college age. They could easily be changed to female leads with a young male love interest instead of a female.

– Change the genre. – This film as written is a a dark comedy scifi. This film could be adapted to be more of a silly rom com, a dark horror or a drama and we could dial down the blood and gore.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz Decreased Budget

“What I learned doing this assignment is?”

It can be difficult to change your script to adapt for a budget, but if you just say YES I CAN and just do it. GET THE SCRIPT MADE is the bottom line and if that means you have to change something, then change it and move on.

– Number of Locations – The script is written on a yacht a speed boat and a plastic island which will probably require shooting in a water tank. But the yacht could be changed to a location like a lab or even a tent set up near the beach, however this poses a problem of not having isolation. The speed boat is anchored for most of the film and can be shot near a pier with open water in the background.

– Expensive locations – The Yacht is where a lot of action takes place. If the film is made on location at Fiji the film will be shot on the water, but if it is shot in LA it will require some beach front shoots like at Cabrillo Beach San Pedro.
– Number of characters – There is about 15 party goers that are all killed and 5 leads in the first scene and 3 in the later scenes.
– Special effects – A lot of CG. I have though that building a few sharks would be great but the entire film may be better as CG.
– Number of pages – 90
– Crowd scenes – 2 scenes. The crowd could be cut down form 15 to the essential 8.
– Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes – There are not too many human to human fights except one stunt where the two leads have a quick fight and the antagonist pushes the protagonist off a higher level of the boat.
– Special sets – The plastic island is a set that needs to be built of plastic trash.

– Rights to music, brands, books, etc.- Nope
– Explosions and Firearms – All CG
– Kids — shorter work days, tutor on the set – NOPE
– Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society- No real sharks
– Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados – Rain will help the entire film when night falls. But is not necessary
– Water and underwater scenes – Lots of water and only a few underwater shots of legs hanging under the plastic island and everything else is above the water.
– Night scenes – The whole second half of the film is at night.
– Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots – Drone shots
– Green screen work – In order to avoid any practical effects the there will be heavy green screen and green mattes.
– Extensive Make-up – Most of the gore and blood are CG or the kills take a character off screen. There is an armless man that may be able to be done with green screen efx.
– Archival Footage- Only of the Great Pacific Plastic Island
– Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance

2. With a major scene that depends upon a “high budget variable,” take it through the process of finding another way to deliver on the dramatic goal.

1. Tell us about the high budget item in your script that you are letting go of. The yacht where sharks attack people on the yacht by flying over it. This could be changed to a barge with a tent set up on top of it like a fancy wedding. Moving the scenes onto the beach would save money but the sharks aren’t able to travel on land so we would have to add something to make them able to climb on the land.

2. Ask, “What is the dramatic goal am I trying to accomplish with this scene?” – Blood and guts, Sharks have to attack people on the water.

3. Ask, “How can I accomplish the dramatic goal without the expense?” – We could give the sharks legs and that could be even scarier.

[Mark Doddy]

Sharkinators – Treatment

Act 1
1/8. A group of 5 college students are out in the Pacific Ocean on a speed boat when they discover the largest plastic island in the pacific, plastic as far as the eye can see. They dare each other to walk on it leaving the 5^th wheel, Jessica on board. After they each get stuck in the plastic soda rings and other trash on the island, they get slaughtered by a mechanical shark with a patch of red metal on it’s head. Jessica watches her friends get slaughtered, unable to help, she escapes on the speedboat.

Title: Sharkinators

2/8. Several hours earlier on a yacht on the other side of the plastic island our Hero Scott, an awkward genius and his greedy egotistical partner prepare a demonstration for a group of Government suits and Professionals. Scott has been rushed to release the invention, mechanical sharks that eat up plastic. Scott repairs one last shark with a piece of red scrap metal. Jerome is excited to show off the mechanical sharks and has them chew up the plastic island.

3/8. At first the release of the sharks is impressive until one of the sharks fails and sinks. In response Jerome cranks up the sensitivity, causing them to attack everything. The sharks start leaping over 40-60ft around the ship, and the first victim, a rich man Frank, falls over board and is chewed up by the sharks. Then another man is knocked over, then a crew member.

4/8. As we go back and forth from the first scene where we recognize the red headed sharkinator. We are reintroduced to Jessica who escapes and then slams into the side of the Yacht. Scott brings her up , she is a fan of his work, and they have a romantic encounter as they hide for safety under a metal box. Soon the moment and the metal box are destroyed by Sharkinators. Searching for safety they end up finding Jerome who leads them to the top of the yacht.

Act 2

5/8. A shark chases a security guard through the galley into the sleeping quarters. The shark eats a hole in the bottom of the yacht. At the top deck Jerome tells Scott that he had to design the shark software as a weapon, they aren’t just designed to clean up the environment, the real money is in weapons. It starts raining and Jerome shoves Scott down to the 2^nd main deck, he is hurt bad. Jessica checks on him. Jerome runs down to the speed boat and takes it away abandoning Jessica and Scott on a sinking yacht with a bunch of corpses.

Act 3

6/8. The yacht is sinking and Scott and Jessica have to escape while Sharkinators jump around the boat. They decide to gather all the plastic that they can and lure the sharks on board. Scott rigs a bomb out of a shark that he deactivates sharks. They are going to blow up the sinking yacht and escape on the old barge. They run around the ship grabbing plastic including anything labeled polyester.

7/8. They gather a mountain of plastic from all over the boat in the center of the main deck. The sharks start gathering on the boat, it works. Blocking their escape is an active sharkinator. Jessica gets her leg caught in a tuna net and slips into a puddle of blood right next to the shark. Scott jumps onto its head and stabs it with a crowbar. Scott has finally become brave and saves the girl. Both covered in blood and surrounded by Sharkinators. Jessica steals a kiss.

8/8. Scott and Jessica have to use the emergency fiberglass raft to get to the old barge. They strap on lifejackets. Most of the sharks are busy on the sinking yacht. They ride the raft cautiously to the barge, they watch as the yacht burns behind them. Jessica gets off the raft and is climbing the ladder to the barge, just then the red headed Shark bites into the raft and chews it up getting very close to Scott. Scott tears off his lifejacket and throws it at the shark. He mentions that Nylon is also plastic. Jessica remarks how plastic is in everything. They are covered in blood and Scott puts his arm around Jessica, who welcomes it. They ride the slow moving barge towards the mainland with a sunrise behind them. The explosion of the yacht in the background. Jerome tries to fix the smoking engine of the speed boat. The red headed shark jumps out of the water and drags Jerome down into the water. Credits

[Mark Doddy]

Logline – A group of environmentalist stuck alone in the ocean with robotic sharks. What could go wrong?

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

Synopsis for Producer Interview

Title: Sharkinators

Genre: Syfy Channel Horror

Logline: Robotic Sharks were created and are designed to clean up the oceans. But they are also secretly designed to be a military weapon. – They’re Robotic Sharks What could go wrong?

Synopsis: A Government organization hired ex-Nasa engineers to design Sharkinators, robotic sharks, designed to clean up the plastic islands in the ocean while barely making an impact on the local wildlife. Everything is going swimmingly until a few college kids on spring break distract the Sharkinators and cause them to show their true design as a military weapon. Now the only way to stop the Sharkinators before they reach main land, is to unleash a weapon even more destructive.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Mark Doddy.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Mark Doddy.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz – Quirky Robot Movie

What I learned from this assignment is that boiling a large script down to a short script is a great way to see your story from beginning to end and see if the plot points work. Then once you have a short script you can really mold a feature with more depth.

INT. LEVON’S APARTMENT – DAY

LEVON, an early 20’s something with decent fashion sense, is frantically running around his apartment trying to throw clothes on top of a pile. We see a robotic eye pear through the mess. The eye of BOT glows green as it looks at Levon.

There is a knock at the door, followed by three rapid knocks.

EXT. OUTSIDE FRONT DOOR – DAWN

Three men in blue black jump suits stand outside the door. The back of their uniforms have a one eyed smiley face and have the words SMILE CORP printed on them.

MAN IN SUIT 1

This is the Smile corporation. Open up. We believe you have property of ours inside your building.

Man 2 bangs on the door consistently. He pulls out a smart key card that that has the same Smile corporation logo on it. He holds it over the door lock which also has a smile corp logo on it. The door opens automatically.

INT. LEVON’S APARTMENT – MOMENTS LATER

One of the men, the large muscle man named BRICK, is unconscious on the ground. The other two men stand in combat stance and are holding tasers in their hands.

They stand across from BOT. A 3 foot tall, round air compressor with a worn WW2 green paint job sits on top of Tread tank like wheels. It’s one glowing RED EYE sits on an metal elbow at the top of it’s head. It’s only arms are gooseneck sticks on either side.

BOT’s eye throbs a glowing red. The BOT turns to stare at the men.

MAN IN SUIT 1

Flank it!

The other two men creep around BOT from either side of it.

INT. BAY WINDOW

BOT looks out the window with it’s glowing red eye.

POV- BOT looks back at the men with his green DOS data screen indiscernibly scrolling by.

He turns to look at the other two men in suits.

CU- BOT’s eye glows red.

CU- The men in suits raise their hands and display there tasers. They are in combat stances ready to fight.

EXT. LEVON’S APARTMENT

We see the Normal life outside of the apartment building. A smile corporation van is parked in front of the building. Suddenly the 13th floor window shatters and BOT goes flying out the window.

W.S. – BOT GOES FLYING OUT THE WINDOW

The action freezes.

SARAH (V.O.)

This is a terrible place for a robot to be. It’s not the robots fault, well maybe it is. Or maybe it’s the old lady’s fault. Or maybe its the fact that we thought we could mess with the robot. Whatever the reason is; this little BOT was about to get really messed up.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ALLEY WAY – EARLY MORNING

SUPER – Yesterday

We see a trash truck driving down the alley.

LEVON HUDSON, a keep to himself trash truck driver driver with a gothic fashion sense, drives his trash truck down an alley. This is his normal route. He knows it well. He comfortably plays air drums on his driving wheel.

He pats out a drum beat and sings an improved tune to himself.

LEVON

I think today might be one of those days when I have had too much coffee.

The truck pulls up to the dumpster.

Levon exits the truck and goes to move the dumpster into position. As he moves the dumpster he sees the BOT sitting dormant in the corner. He reaches down and looks at it closely.

LEVON

What’s this?

Levon takes a bandanna hanging off his belt loop and polishes up BOT’s face plate.

He pulls him upright and taps the top of his head. BOT powers up a little bit.

His light is very DIM and then he powers off.

LEVON

Alright little guy, looks like you need a charge.

Levon continues polishing BOT.

LEVON

You are a heavy one aren’t you.

Levon lifts him up.

LEVON

And you smell too.

Levon stands BOT up and BOT’s eye glows green a little bit.

Levon places BOT in the shotgun seat in his truck.

LEVON

Why don’t you hang out here and you can help me finish my route.

EXT. TRASH TRUCK REAR AREA

Levon dumps a trash can into the back of the truck. He sees a neat scarf.

LEVON

Why would they throw away something like that? It’s brand new.

Levon picks it up and swings it around his neck.

LEVON

Cozy.

He walks to the side of the truck to start the compactor. He pulls the switch and the machine starts moving and grinding. Levon looks down to admire the scarf.

LEVON

Maybe it’s too feminine for me?

Then the scarf gets caught in the compactor. It yanks Levon away from the controls.

The trash compactor is pulling him in.

LEVON

Oh no. This scarf is horrible!

He pulls on his neck struggling to loosen the scarf up.

LEVON

This is so embarrassing.

CU- The scarf is now jammed in the machine and it starts pulling tighter. The compactor roars as it swallows up the scarf. Levon struggles to get Oxygen, he is being strangled and falls to the floor.

CU- We see the scarf creeping into the trash compactor. Then we see a piece of the scarf being sliced by a little robot arm.

Levon is suddenly released and collapses grasping for air. He yanks the scarf off and spits on it.

Levon whips his neck around to see BOT powering down again.

LEVON

Good timing little guy. Thanks. I owe you one.

Levon looks closely at the BOT and sees a name tag.

“B.O.T.”

FADE TO:

INSERT SMILE CORP COMMERCIAL

Smile corp. We pick up your trash, we deliver your food, and most importantly, we bring you smiles.

News clip about smile corp using slave labor and how the CEO doesn’t share anything about the company avoiding court orders.

NEWS REPORTER

Smile Corp CEO, Aryl Carrier, in hot water again as another employee is speaking out about atrocities and abuses throughout smile corp.

B-roll of child labor and smile corp packages moving down an assembly line.

INT. LEVON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Levon is searching his apartment frantically. He runs from room to room. We see BOT follow him with his single eye as Levon frantically runs around the apartment.

Levon now has his head buried in a pile of dirty laundry. His head pops out.

LEVON

Here it is.

Levon brings out a bottle of WD-40. He runs over to the BOT and gives him a few spritzes.

LEVON

How’s that little guy? Does that feel better?

BOT shakes with excitement. His eye glows green.

EXT. LEVON’S APARTMENT FRONT DOOR

Several people gather outside of Levon’s door. The music establishes an eerie feeling.

Something isn’t right as we watch from behind the legs of a woman, SARAH, in skin tight black leggins, and a man, Jerry, in suit pants walk down the hallway.

Sarah suddenly stops. Jerry stops too. We continue to see only the backs of their heads. An air of mystery surrounds their movements.

SARAH

Shoot.

Jerry stops too.

JERRY

What is it this time?

Sarah searches her pockets.

SARAH

I forgot it.

JERRY

We’ll just knock.

They continue their march to the door. The music builds as if they are going to break the door down as Sarah’s hand slowly creeps up the door, Jerry in slow motion watches as she reaches her hand back ready to strike.

They approach the door.

Knock, Knock. Sarah gently pounds on the door. The air of mystery is gone.

SARAH

Levon! I forgot my key.

A loud shuffling is heard in the back ground. Levon shouts from inside the apartment.

LEVON (O.C.)

Hold on… ah, you’re not going to like this.

SARAH

Oh no Levon, what did you do? Did you break my Mom’s vase?

Levon creeps open the front door.

LEVON

Sorry, It’s a mess.

Levon opens the door to reveal piles of boxes everywhere and paper shreds. Sarah and Levon are shocked as they walk in and look around at the surroundings and how messy it is.

CU – The messy apartment details. Laundry in piles, cardboard boxes tossed all over and balls of paper liter the whole house.

INT. LEVON’S APARTMENT

Sarah and Jerry walk in the apartment and take in the mess. Then in front of a huge pile of boxes BOT pops out. It’s green eye turns towards Sarah and Jerry. The green eye makes eye contact with Sarah’s eyes. The BOT looks her up and down. He checks out her style and how she fluffs her hair, and BOT watches as she touches up her lipstick.

Sarah checks out the BOT and moves closer to it.

SARAH

What’s this bad ass looking vintage thing?

LEVON

This my friends is simply amazing.

BOT’s green eye turns to a purple hue. Sarah smiles at it.

BOT’s eye turn back to Green. Then BOT starts cleaning up the house.

LEVON

This little robot has been doing this all day. It never stops cleaning until the mess is gone.

BOT cuts up some boxes and puts them in a trash bag. BOT cleans a counter where some food is.

JERRY

What do you mean all day?

Jerry loosens his tie and gets comfortable.

LEVON

Right, well, I have been testing it. Every couple minutes I was adding a new trash pile and then it would just clean it up!

Sarah goes over and starts polishing up BOT.

SARAH

You are awful Levon. How could you exploit it like that?

LEVON

It’s like it wanted to do it.

SARAH

The poor thing. You’re going to burn it out.

Sarah examines BOT. She sees it’s damaged arm.

SARAH

Your arm looks hurt. I wonder if I could fix that for you.

Sarah continues to polish BOT and examine it’s body.

SARAH

What’s your name little fella?

Sarah sees a Welded on Tag that reads

“B.O.T.”

SARAH

B-O-T. Bot? Okay “BOT”. Let me help you clean this up and then lets find out all about you.

Sarah starts to pick some stuff up.

SARAH

Jerry? Levon? I’m not living with this filth and neither are you.

Jerry snaps out of his amazement and starts cleaning up.

LEVON

Fine… I’ll help.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. LEVON’S APARTMENT – A LITTLE LATER

Levon, Sarah and Jerry are all cleaning up near BOT. Jerry is holding some garbage in his hand as Sarah frantically works around him. Jerry stares at BOT.

JERRY

So… what is it?

LEVON

Well, I’m all out of data so I couldn’t do too much research online but from what I could gather,it may have been made by the SMILE CORPORATION a long time ago.

Levon takes out a printed paper image and hands it to Sarah.

Sarah opens the paper.

JERRY

What is it?

SARAH

What Levon just handed me is a badly printed picture of a sketch, that somewhat, resembles Mr. BOT over there.

LEVON

I know. My printer also isn’t working. Smile Corporation or not, this thing is awesome right? I think it was designed to do this. Like a little maid BOT.

BOT grinds and beeps as it continues to clean.

INT. LEVON’S APARTMENT – LATER

The living room is clean and the group gathers on the couch. BOT polishes silverware.

LEVON

Hey BOT can you go get me some beer?

The BOT’s green eye swings around to look at Levon.

JERRY

Is that a good thing?

LEVON

As far as I can tell, green is good.

BOT turns his eye to Sarah.

SARAH

Hey little guy. Good job cleaning today, thank you.

BOT’s eye turns purple.

BOT

(Grinding noise)

LEVON

Now that I have never seen.

Levon turns to address BOT. He talks to BOT like a puppy.

LEVON

You like purple ha buddy?

JERRY

I think he likes you Sarah.

Levon stands up and walks away.

BOT tries to follow and suddenly smoke rises up from it’s treads. It stops dead in it’s tracks.

SARAH

You poor thing.

Sarah fans away the smoke and tries to help BOT.

SARAH

We may need to get you some parts.

Sarah turns to levon.

SARAH

Have you taken it outside at all? I wanna go downtown and see Mike for some parts and see if can fix it up.

SIDE WIPE

EXT. QUIET SUBURBAN STREET

A cardboard sign reads free. We pull back to reveal a well used baby stroller sits on the side of the road next to a pile of items. Sarah pops into the screen, grabs the stroller and suspiciously looks over her shoulders and wheels the stroller off camera.

EXT. PUBLIC PARK – DAY

We see an empty grassy knoll. Triumphant music plays similar to the Rocky Theme.

It’s a beautiful day and on a grassy hillside we see in the far distance the group emerges as they come up the hill.

SLOW MOTION

The triumphant music continues. The stroller slowly comes into frame pushed by Sarah as they descends the grassy knoll. Jerry and then Levon come into frame at the top of the hill. Jerry and then Levon hurry to help stabilize the stroller as it goes down the hill.

EXT. PUBLIC PARK – SECONDS LATER

The music turns more Jovial and almost circus like minor tone. Sarah and the group are now on what feels like a park stroll. People neighborly wave to them as they walk by.

A lady looks at the group pushing the stroller and gives them a loving look.

PARK LADY

Isn’t that sweet.

A man in a gray suit almost trips over himself as he sees the three walking together with what he assumes is baby. The man in a GREY SUIT gives them a disgusted look. Sarah sticks her tongue out at him.

Another man jogs by and stops to look inside of the stroller. The JOGGING MAN pulls out his air pods. He looks shocked and moments before he can say anything Sarah gives him the finger guns and winks at him. He scoffs and runs off.

Finally a little sweet old lady stops in front of the stroller. The group is frozen. As the old lady leans in to get a closer look at the baby, we see close ups of Sarah, Jerry and Levon all reacting with winced faces. Quickly Levon begins a slow motion yell.

SLOW MOTION

LEVON

NOOOOOO!

The OLD LADY slowly pulls back the hood on the stroller as we hear “NOOO” echo until the old lady reveals BOT to herself.

POV – We get 3 quick cut close looks at BOT as the music hits beats with the violin. We see his weird single eye, his worn out paint job and his broken arm.

We continue in Slow Motion as the Old Lady’s face turns from sweet old lady to scared old lady.

She lets out an ear piercing scream.

OLD LADY

AAAAAAAAHHHHH!

The Bots eye turns RED. We here hissing and grinding of gears from inside BOT’s body.

BOT

(Grinding GEARS)

The stroller starts to shake. BOT is wiggling and so is the stroller.

Sarah can’t hold it and the stroller falls over. BOT spills out onto the grassy knoll.

BOT begins a snowball roll down the grassy hill. The Old Lady points at the BOT in shock as it rolls down the hill.

OLD LADY

AAAAAAHHH!

Sarah starts running after it, followed by Jerry. Levon hesitates and picks up the stroller. He hands it to the old lady.

LEVON

Hold this for us.

The old lady, still in shock, takes the stroller and Levon starts running down the hill to help.

INSERT – SMILE CORP Commercial – Bringing you smiles that you can take to the bank. Smile CORP’s travel and work program let’s you see other parts of the world. We see BROLL of a prison as men are escorted into a prison.

EXT. LEVON’S APARTMENT FRONT DOOR – LATE AFTERNOON

Three men in blue black jump suits stand outside Levon’s door. The back of their uniforms have a one eyed smiley face and have the words SMILE CORP printed on them.

INT. LEVON’S APARTMENT

Levon is watching BOT prepare a meal. Levon sips on a drink.

EXT. LEVON’S APARTMENT FRONT DOOR

KNOCK, KNOCK,KNOCK. The 3 men furiously knock on Levon’s front door.

LEVON (O.C.)

Who is it?

MAN IN SUIT 1

It’s the smile corporation. We believe you have a piece of our property that doesn’t belong to you.

We hear Levon panicking.

INT. LEVON’S APARTMENT

Inside the apartment, levon frantically is throwing clothes on top of BOT trying to hide him.

He manages to mostly cover BOT’s head.

EXT. LEVON’S APARTMENT FRONT DOOR

The men in suits examine the door.

MAN IN SUIT 2

It’s one of ours.

The man brings out a key card with the SMILE Corp logo on it. He waves it in front of the door lock. It clicks open.

The men shuffle in the door. We see that they are carrying tasers.

INT. LEVON’S APARTMENT

As the men shuffle in the door they search around aggressively.

LEVON

What the hell are you doing? This is my home man!

One of the men waves a SMILE CORP key card in front of Levon’s door. It locks closed and then glows red.

LEVON

Come on man? You gotta tell me. “Smile” isn’t above the law man.

Man in suit 3, BRICK, grunts at Levon as he grabs him by the collar.

BRICK

Hey you. Do you know the law? I know the law. This is the law.

Brick flexes his huge muscles and laughs at Levon. He gets really close to Levon’s face.

BRICK

Now tell me. Where is Smile Corp’s property?

LEVON

I don’t know. What are you talking about?

Brick grabs Levon by the throat.

BOT starts making a quiet grinding and hissing noise. His hand creeps out from the pile of laundry. He reaches over and removes Brick’s taser from his belt and shocks Brick. Brick shakes and falls off screen.

We see the laundry start to roll off of BOT as BOT moves towards the large apartment bay window.

We reveal his throbbing RED EYE. He turns to look at the other two men in suits.

CU- BOT’s eye glows red.

CU- The men in suits raise their hands and display there tasers. They are in combat stances ready to fight.

BOT turns to Levon. His eye changes from a throbbing red to a gentle green.

We hear a soft melody play setting the mood for the last time that BOT or LEVON will see each other.

POV – BOT turns his head back to see the men.

BOT’s eye returns to throbbing red.

POV- BOT looks away from the men and he looks straight out Levon’s window at the view. We see a great view of the city through the large bay window. Bot’s eye turns red. BOT looks back at the men.

BOT quickly turns his throbbing red light off. Then he backs up a bit and gets speed. He pushes as fast as he can.

EXT. LEVON’S APARTMENT OUTSIDE – ESTABLISHING SHOT

We see Levon’s classic art deco looking building. The image is frozen.

SARAH

I bet you think this is where we see the last of BOT. In just a moment he is going to come busting out of that window and go hurdling towards the ground.

Suddenly, BOT comes crashing through the window. The image freezes again with BOT in mid air.

SARAH

I bet you thought this was the end of BOT. No, not at all. BOT’s adventures are just beginning.

BOT continues it’s nose dive into the ground.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

BOT comes crashing down onto the ground, making a large metallic thud. Pieces fly everywhere. BOT is motionless.

We hold the shot of a motionless BOT during the beginning credits.

CREDITS

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

We see BOT discarded in the parking lot. It has one good arm that reaches out and pushes itself to standing position. With a lot of hisses and pops and grinding noises, BOT starts heading down the road. A slight bump in it’s movement every once in a while.

CUT TO:

EXT. BEACH PATH

BOT travels down a beach path with a little bit of smoke billowing out of it. A group of 20 somethings playing volleyball see BOT traveling down the road. They run over and immediately are fascinated by it.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Mark Doddy.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

What I learned doing this assignment is… I think that I had an idea for a good interesting film. But once I placed the film into the Horror Genre and stuck to the genre I could see the film as more marketable, producible and fundable piece.

Genre – Horror -PG-13/Family Oriented

Title – B.O.T. or SMILE B.O.T.
Pitch- Goonies meets Annabelle for the whole family.

Concept -A group of kids discover a discarded Robot or BOT made by the all powerful Amazon like SMILE corporation. They take it home and fix it up. At first the Robot appears to be a friendly helper but as the kids misuse it for selfish purposes we soon discover there is a violent reason this BOT was left to waste on the side of the road. And eventually its uncontrollable temper causes the whole neighborhood to be in the middle of a violent Robot out lash, including many of their gadgets/electronics and machines made by the smile corporation going on the fritz and under the control of the evil BOT. The BOT can only be stopped by the group working together to destroy the once lovable Robot and his minions of now evil gadgets.
– Audience – 9yr -18, Families
– Budget – around 15 million
– Lead Characters – Levon, a 12-15 year old video game geek with a popular gadget review show on youtube, he must become strong and able to fight to stop the BOT. Ruby, his neighbor, a pretty sweet girl around the same age who has a lot of common sense and come from a survivalist family. Raven, the quite kid with a knack for tinkering with gadgets, Brad, the neighborhood bully, star athlete who needs to learn to be a part of the team and Samantha and Lilly, the two younger girls whose sweet charm feminizes the robot but don’t be mistaken, these girls have a few tricks up their sleeves
– Journey / Character Arc – A mild mannered video game/youtuber with out many survival skills learns how to live life more rugged and how to fight to defend himself.
– Opening / Ending – We see images of violent events caused by a. mysterious assailant (The Robot). Flash forward 1 week and a gadget youtube reviewer discovers a discarded Robot along with a group of other kids from school.

He cleans it up and gets it working, and for a while he enjoys the servant like function of the robot as it cleans his house and other chores. Soon he discovers the violent programming of the BOT and after being kicked out of his home he enrolls his neighborhood friends to help him stop the Robot from wreaking havoc on the whole neighborhood.

Ending – As the robot wreaks havoc on the neighborhood, our hero must step it up and overcome his fears and fight hard to stop the bot and shut it down for good (or so he thinks).

2. Tell us which of those decisions you could improve to make your script more marketable. – Although this may appear Sci-fi I need to stick more to the horror Genre. I’m thinking I will try writing a short film version at 22 pages and then expand it from there with more Jumps and scares that you would see in a horror movie. I am also trying to keep it PG-13 because I figure to go for a more mature audience I can always add sex violence and cursing.

Research – Chucky movies, Goonies, More Annabelle movies

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz Specialty Horror – Family Friendly or PG-13

What I learned from this …Understanding the Genre conventions helps you specialize. Specializing allows you to focus on a market or producers that also know genre’s and have certain expectations of those genres.

Genre: Family Horror
Title: Monster House
How it delivered on the genre conventions: Jump moments, Villian is a supernatural unknown monster, Isolation (the kids could see a scary house that is Alive but no adults or babysitters see it- The kids are alone on their quest), Moral question of should the home owner have buried his wife under the house, or should he have let his love go and let the house free?
Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:
Outline of the movie, highlighting the parts that fulfill the genre:

Genre Convention – Starts with setting the idea that a scary man lives in a creepy house and hates kids

It appears he has died yelling at the protagonist DJ

The kids that are across from the house start observing it’s haunted behavior – the baby sitters boyfriend disappears

It attacks another girl and the boys save her from being attacked but her wagon of chocolates is destroyed

The house eats a dog

They call the police they don’t believe them

Genre Convention – Set on the back ground that it is the night of Halloween

Act 2- they ask for help from a video game master , he is like a shaman advisor he explains That Genre Convention – scary back story and a way to stop the monster – damus mactibulous he has heard of before and in order to stop it you have to attack it at the heart … even though the house doesn’t have a heart

Then the kids go on a quest to find the heart of the house

In order to stop the beast you have to kill the heart

The kids has a plan to fill a dummy with cold medicine to put the house to sleep and the. When the house is asleep they will put out the ire it burns

In the midst of their plan the cops interrupt right before the house almost eats the dummy

The cops arrest the kids for littering – and messing with the house.

One cop believes the kids and goes to check out the house .

The cops are taken by the house after the kids are locked in and stuck in the cop car . The house attacked the kids in the cop car

We get a look at the inside of the house and how it swallows up things like a big hole in the middle of it

The kids avoid getting swallowed by the house and are able to sneak around inside the house while it sleeps

They discover a shrine for the old mans nebber crackers wife . Genre Convention -They accidentally disturb the shrine and it falls apart

Genre Convention – The house is woken up and starts trying to attack the kids

Act 3 a- do fights with the kids and starts to walk away from the others and and as he crosses the street he is hit by and ambulance driven by the man who owns the house – Neebercracker

Genre Convention – The kids suddenly figure out the house is his wife’s spirit

The boy sympathizes with him and he brings out a flash back of when Neebber cracker met his wife who is a large woman that was kept in a cage at a circus .

He breaks her out of her cage after towing her away from the circus

In the effort of yelling at kids Constance falls over and into a pit and is buried in cement

GENRE BEND ORIGINAL IDEA – Nebercracker in order to keep everyone safe yells at people to stay away from the house .

The boy says he has to let he go and that they can be friends instead

Suddenly Constance /the house starts to move off of its foundation and start chasing the kids down the block

Finally Neeber cracker stand sup to Constance /the house

Neber cracker pulls out some dynamite and says they have to make things right

Suddenly the kids show up with the excavator bull dozer and start attacking the house

While DJ is given dynamite to finish blowing up the house – he realizes that in order to take the house down he will have to get the dynamite through the chimney”to reach the heart “

Genre Convention – TWIST – Chowder thinks he has destroyed the house but he didn’t and it wakes back up (horror twist)

Chowder starts distracting the house and lures it towards dj who sits on a crane attempting to drop the dynamite into the chimney

Then the girl kisses DJ on the lips which gives him the courage to go through with the brave task of dropping the dynamite while hanging on a crane cable

He successfully drops the dynamite in the chimney and is also able to grab and save his friend from the blast of the house

Resolution

Nebercracker explains that he was trapped for 45 years and he exclaims thanks to the kids for freeing him of the over bearing “ house wife “

Finally the kids decide to go trick or treating and they just smear around the dirt on their faces to make themselves dirty pirates

FAMILY CONVENTION- EVERY ONE IS OK! During credits all the people that were eaten by the house crawl out of its left over hole

2nd Film – Annabelle Creation

Genre: Horror
Title: Annabelle

How does it deliver on the conventions – Horror Conventions – Monster/Demons, Terrifying death, several people are gruesomely killed, Mysterious Doll/Monster, Moral of the story – The parents tried to keep their daughter alive as a demon.

Plot: A doll maker sees his daughter get hit by a car. 12 years later his deformed wife and him open up their home as an orphanage to a nun and several girls. The physically disabled girl -disabled from Polio gets very curious about one of the locked rooms and discovers a doll. It appears she has freed the doll and strange hauntings start happening and the more they get involved the more bad things happen. Eventually they discover there is a demon in the doll that starts killing the home owners and then possesses the disabled girl. Eventually we see the physically disabled girl has secretly relocated to Santa Monica and calls her self Annabelle and is adopted by a family and then 12 years later we see her murder the adoptive parents for some reason.

This is a solid Horror Genre movie and although for the sake of this class I am trying to make my writing samples PG-13, Annabelle will be a great film to revisit and study how it sticks to the genre conventions.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Lesson 13: Making Action Unique

What I learned during this assignment is: Using this formula works. Just answer the questions and they inspire a more complex narrative.

Our Protagonist is trying to get to the castle with Isabella, but Archibald our Antagonist Army has arrived there just in time to set up their artillery. They are about to storm the castle.

Pick at least one action scene that you want to make more unique. Then use this process to generate ideas.

1. Looking at your entire story, what is unique about each of these places:

Environment: – Inside the castle
Rules: Bad guys are attacking from outside they have
black powder, a magician and an army
Villain: Archibald- old friend of the king
Mission: Save the king and kill Archibald
Struggle: Archibald has black powder weapons and the
element of surprise
Unique Skillset: Black powder cannons against medieval
weapons
Meaning: The new age is coming
Allies: -Isabella who introduced Archibald to black
powder
Weapon: – Cannon

2. Brainstorm ways to make one or more of those places unique:

A. What if…? – Isabella’s dark past is her father sold
Archibald the cannons. He killed her father and took her as a captive.
B. Take to an extreme. Instead of just catapults it was
cannons
C. Specific to character or environment. – Isabella is
Chinese and her and her fathers past was to steal weapons and sell them
until Archibald killed and stole their stolen weapons.
D. Shocking or Surprising. – blackpowder Cannons
instead of medieval weapons
E. Go opposite.- Isabella rigs the cannons to explode
F. What haven’t we seen? – Cannons blasting castle
walls in a medivel fight scene.

3. Select the parts you like and build them into one or more Action Sets in your outline.

4. Do #1 to #3 with as many Action Sets in your outline as you would like.

5. Tell us about the improvements that you have made.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark J. Doddy – I finally have a linkedin worth reading! I Was shocked at how much credibility I actually have! I plan to increase my credibility by adding a few short films in 2022 and this summer. I also need to go back and note some of my previously notable work.

What I learned doing this assignment is:

I feel driven by this assignment. I have more credibility than I thought. However I don’t have much of a network. I realize that even though I have been financially successful in visual media for over 20 years, I don’t have one single project that sticks out to me as my proudest work in the past 3 years except for my student film. I want to change that and produce several short films in the next year to show what I can do and help me get writing assignments form other creatives. I am an award winning videographer and my directing has always been one of my best skills.

1. CREDIBILITY CHECKLIST

=====================

1. Your Writing Sample

I want to finish up 2 short films and post here as my samples. And by March I want to polish up one of my best of 3 screenplays.

2. Screenwriting Accomplishments

– I was part of the writing and producing team of the film Killer tumbleweeds which is now on Amazon.

– I have 2 films on Amazon. One is Killer Tumbleweeds and the other is the Guardian, both are very low budget. I was also the Line Producer on Helix, a matrix parody that was premiered at the Graumans Chinese and stars Vanilla Ice.

I have filmed over 150 TV interviews, several where I am the interviewee for the news program I produced for 10 years, and I have 10 National Telly awards for my work that includes a documentary of the creation of the Terranea resort, The international Bird rescue and and an award winning interview with Vin Scully.

3. The Google factor

The good news is that IMDB is the first link that pops up. But there is not much here. I want to produce some shorts during the summer of 2022 and I want them to get some local press so I have some fresh google’d pieces.

4. Your Network

I have several creatives in my network but not a lot with large mainstream media attention. I have more producer and director friends on facebook because they are personal friends.

5. Education specific to screenwriting

– Degree in Film Production from Cal State Long Beach where I was one of only 9 filmmakers where my short film was featured at the DGA in Hollywood which lead to me being paid to produce another film.

– Enrolled and completed ScreenwriterU courses:
Comedy Writing
The Profound Screenplay
Creating Terrifying Horror Scripts
Writing Killer Action Movies
Creative Mastery: Double Your Quality

6. Borrowed Credibility

– I’ve produced 6 local Awards shows for Torrance Cable Access and Produced a weekly news program for Rancho Palos Verdes TV. I am currently in early retirement and focusing on my writing.

7. IMDB CREDITS

https://www.imdb.com/name/<wbr>nm1616133/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1

8. Other forms of credibility that is related to screenwriting:

– I am an Experienced screenwriter looking for writing assignments. I have written 3 full length screenplays and several producible short films. I am looking to team up with a producer or any victim of writers block who needs some help.

I’ve been involved in three feature films that have been completed and released. One I directed, one I edited and one I was Line Producer. Both the films “Killer Tumble weeds” and “The Guardian” are available on Amazon. And the film I was line producer for had a Hollywood premieres at the Grauman’s Chinese Theatre (The Helix Matrix Parody).

2. Make a list of possible things you can do to increase your credibility in the future.

– Reach out to my current network on facebook.

– Finish my short films as writing samples.

3. At the top of the page, tell us the 2 or 3 steps you’ll take in the next 30 days to increase your credibility.

– Post 3 writing samples. 3 short films of various styles and genres. Work with my writing partner/brother to finish these and post our current project “Loop”.

– Polish off my favorite screenplay of the seven and post samples of the screenplay

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz project and reaction to the audio recording.

The finished script- My robot steam punk story. A man’s life is saved by a BOT who is on his way to the scrap yard. The man returns the favor and saves the BOT from being destroyed (melted) and earns himself the awkward undying devotion of a peculiar and in demand robot. The two of them begin an endless road adventure running from the government, finding love, fighting a great battle and creating a classic friendship that will transcend generations of movie goers. $40 million

The writing assignment – The funny and lovable story of my father in laws coming out story. After living his rigid Mormon life, Scott at the young age of 18, just before his mission, loses both of his parents to a drunk driver. He discovers his birth mother and on their first road trip together he discovers his true self after a gay experience, a drag show, and the las vegas strip. After a series of comically awkward events he finds himself with the only ally he has during this realization, the birth mother he met only a month earlier. – 5 million or less

From the audio recording I definitely feel like I was rearranged. My mind was rearranged. I guess I always thought that a screen writer has to have screenplays with their own name on them

I am hoping to take advantage of this advice from Hal and let myself enter this class free of ego. I know that it would be impossible for me to refuse changes when it’s someone else’s project and I am just a hired gun and I am there to help. I must admit that I do get sensitive to criticism, so I am looking forward to letting criticism wash over me and let myself be guided by the class with an open mind.

[Mark Doddy]

Let’s be in a safe creative place together!

Mark Dotz

I agree to the terms of this release form below.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Mark Doddy]

Hi there,

I am Mark Dotz. I like Comedy, Horror and unique indy films that give me happy tears.

I must admit that I do get sensitive to criticism, so I am looking forward to letting criticism wash over me and let myself be guided by the class with an open mind.

I have a low budget buddy movie I want to finish and workshop, an off beat sci-fi idea and a very awkward piece my father in law wants me to write about his coming out story. I figure that my father in law is the perfect first trial experience of trying to fulfill a writing assignment, especially because I am straight so he would have to relay the story and his vision to me vivid enough that I could capture it.

From the audio recording I definitely feel like my mind was appropriately rearranged. My mind was rearranged. I seem to have been stuck on this idea that I am suppose to only be trying to sell my screenplay, or my spec script of someone else’s successful TV show.

I am hoping to take advantage of this and enter this class free of ego. I know that it would be impossible for me to refuse changes when it’s someone else’s project and I am just a hired gun there to help. Much like a job, where someone else tells you what to do, like working at subway.

Mark Dotz

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

Lesson 14 Scary as hell scenes

What I learned form the assignment is… that releases are just as valuable as scares. It is definitely worth reviewing the class assignment to strengthen a scene.

At this point Boxie and Shannon have just seen Cameron die and they have been covered in roaches and are really sick of this horrid mansion. They have re-entered the first room, where this haunted story began.

INT. FRONT FOYER

Again the crew is lead into the front foyer. Brad’s remains are scattered by the piano. Boxie holds her chest in dreadful remembrance of him.

BOXIE

Oh Brad, I’m so sorry.

Shannon starts studying the paintings on the wall. They have no eyeballs. Dean heads up the stairs to see if he can come up with a plan B.

DEAN

Why are we back here again?

SHANNON

I think they’re running out of house.

Suddenly a creepy laugh cackles behind the walls.

TOMMY (O.C.)

Ha. Ha. HEE, HEE.

Dean creeps down the stairs.

SHANNON (WHISPERS TO BOXIE)

They’re behind the walls.

JERRY (O.C.)

More puzzles to solve children!

The voices are coming from all around the room.

TOMMY (O.C.)

Ha. Ha. HEE, HEE. Play with us more!

Shannon listens carefully, ready to pounce. Boxie knows this look.

BOXIE (WHISPERS)

Careful.

Suddenly, Shannon punches through one of the paintings and grabs whatever is on the other side. It’s Jerry! And he looks the same as he did in the flashback. Same clothes, same age.

Jerry struggles with Shannon a bit but she swing him around and puts him in a choke hold.

Boxie runs over to brads pants pockets and fumbles through until she finds his knife. She takes it over to Shannon. Boxie flips out the blade and hands it to Shannon who presses it next to Jerry’s neck.

SHANNON

Who are you? Why are you doing this?

Jerry starts giggling.

JERRY

Hee, hee.

SHANNON

Nothing is funny about this. I’m going to cut open your throat you asshole.

Tommy starts shuffling and laughing in the walls.

TOMMY

Haa, ha.

SHANNON

You! The other one. Come out here.

Jerry doesn’t resist anymore. His voice like a winey pee-wee herman.

JERRY

Hey, have you met my pets?

Shannon, Dean and Boxie all have an “oh shit” moment. The door upstairs creeks open.

Three white dogs can be seen through the door. The door cracks a little more.

Shannon readjust her position to hold Jerry in a tight headlock.

The Dogs snarling faces are popping out of the ajar door. Without thinking Dean runs into the room of dogs. He slams the door behind him.

SHANNON

No! Dean No!

BOXIE

Dean!

Boxie runs up to the door and attempts to open it, carefully but it’s locked.

Jerry wiggles out of Shannon’s grasp and runs off. Shannon is now worried about Dean and she hovers by the door with Boxie. The sound from the door is filled with scratches and sounds of suffering. Soon, a flood of blood comes pouring out form below the door.

Boxie goes to the front door and tries to open it. Still no luck.

BOXIE

I think it’s just you and me sister.

Shannon flips her knife into attach position. The two hold hands and start to go up the steps. There is a clanking sound coming from up stairs. Boxie and Shannon cautiously walk up the stairs as the clanking continues.

They notice a new door is opening and closing. It’s opening ajar and closing and opening ajar and closing. Boxie moves in to study it. It’s a dark shaft.

BOXIE

It looks like this is not the way to go.

With Boxie’s head looking down the shaft a voice whines a pig like noise and Tommy pops out another door and shoves Boxie down the shaft. She goes down and her head slams against the side of the long shaft before descending into darkness.

SHANNON

Boxie!

Shannon in pure reflex reaction pushes Tommy off the stairs ledge. He falls to the bottom of the stairs. Shannon cautiously peaks over and sees he is injured pretty bad and it looks like he has a broken leg. She pulls out the switchblade. She starts to cry.

SHANNON

That is my best friend. She better be okay you weird freak!

Shannon looks around, nervous.

She looks down at the motionless Tommy. She doesn’t know what to do.

Shannon’s adrenaline spikes. She starts kicking off pieces of the stair railing.

She slashes the painting next to her.

She runs over to the window and throws an urn at it. Shattering the stained glass everywhere and exposing the bars on the outside keeping her in. The urn falls and stays in one piece.

SHANNON

Fuck you! And your stupid Gaudy, fucked up house!

Shannon finds anything she can break, shatter, or tip over. She kicks a hole in one of the walls.

She does the best she can to ruin any part of the house she can reach.

When she turns around she looks down and see Jerry at the bottom of the steps. He looks like Private Pyle from full metal jacket.

JERRY

You hurt my brother.

Shannon holds her knife out. Her breathing and sweat are overwhelming.

SHANNON

You killed all of them!

JERRY

You hurt my brother. Mother will not be happy if you hurt us.

Shannon doesn’t know what to do.

JERRY

Mother is already mad at you.

Shannon throws her knife right at Jerry. Jerry watches as it passes his face and he turns to watch it as it sticks into the wall.

When Jerry turns back he is met by Shannon’s fist. She cold cocks him hard he flops back towards the wall. Shannon shakes her hand off.

SHANNON

Ow? That hurts more than I thought it would.

She looks at her hand, it is red from the impact. She looks up. Jerry holds his jaw in pain.

Shannon grabs him by the collar and starts slamming his head into the wall. Over and over and over from different angles. Blood is splattering and covering the walls. Shannon grabs her knife from out of the wall and starts stabbing his back repeatedly until he falls to the ground.

She hears a rumbling behind her. Tommy is starting to get up.

BOXIE

Set!

It’s Boxie!

She crawled out of the hole and is hanging onto the edge of the hole. Blood drips down her head and she is crawling. But she manages to throw a volleyball up into the air and serves it to Shannon who turns around and spikes it into Jerry’s face. Knocking him back down on the ground.

SHANNON

Match, bitch.

Boxie falls to the ground. Shannon stats searching Tommy’s pockets. She finds a key faub of some-kind. She starts clicking all the buttons. One button makes the kitchen door start flying open and closed. Another button makes the piano play it’s melodic song. Shannon addresses the piano.

SHANNON

Not again.

Another finally opens the front door.

SHANNON

Finally.

With the door open and the faub in her hand Shannon runs up to Boxie.

Shannon picks up Boxie from laying on the ground. Boxie vomits some blood.

BOXIE

Go. Go get help. I can’t make it out of here.

Shannon pulls her up onto to her shoulder.

SHANNON

You’re getting out of here.

Shannon gets Boxie up onto her feet.

BOXIE

I can’t, my feet. They hurt.

Shannon takes a deep breath.

SHANNON

Suck it up kiddo, were leaving this shit hole.

Shannon starts carrying her on her shoulders down the steps towards the front door. They pass the bloody mess that was Tommy and the shards of human that fill the foyer.

Suddenly the house shakes a little. Tommy speaks up.

TOMMY

Mother.. hee hee.

Tommy is holding the Urn.

TOMMY

Mother, mother, come out to play. Mother, mother, make them pay.

Out of the darkness a grayish image appears. Her ghostly image is surrounded by fog as she rises form the darkness. It’s the Ghost of Smother.

Smother flies towards Shannon and Boxie.

Shannon thinking quickly grabs the piano bench and smashes it over Tommy’s head, knocking him down to the ground again.

Gathering their wits they limp out of the house. Straight out the front door. The Ghostly image swoops over them like a hawk.

BOXIE

Go! Go, go go.

Boxie, with her feet dangling is yanked outside by Shannon.

EXT. MANSION

Shannon and Boxie limp out of the house. Through the front door Smother pops out of the house. Smother fly’s towards their face with several swoops.

On the third swoop, Smother’s creepy image stops in front of them. Smother struggles to speak, her voice is painfully hoarse.

SMOTHER

Help me!

She fly’s away. They continue away from the house. Boxie and Shannon discuss as they limp away.

BOXIE

What was that?

SHANNON

I have no idea.

Smother again swings down to face the crew.

SMOTHER

The urn! Free me!

Smother fly’s away again and then swoops back. Shannon stops.

SMOTHER

Destroy the urn! Free my ashes!

Smother swoops away. Shannon stops. Boxie stands up and looks at Shannon with that “Don’t do it” look.

SHANNON

We can stop this.

BOXIE

No we can’t. We can escape with our lives, that’s what we can do.

Shannon can’t resist the challenge.

SHANNON

Can you walk?

Boxie limps away from Shannon and acknowledges she can.

BOXIE

I can walk good enough I guess. I’m not going back though.

SHANNON

Get to the car. I’ll be right behind you.

Shannon hands Boxie the keys to the car. Boxie grabs Shannon’s arm.

BOXIE

You don’t have to do this?

Smother swoops down again and with extreme desperation grinds out the words again.

SMOTHER

Help me! Smash the urn!

Smother fly’s away.

BOXIE

You don’t have to do this.

SHANNON

I know I don’t have to.

Shannon starts running back to the house.

BOXIE

Why do you always have to be the fucking hero?

Smother fly’s around Shannon with an almost protective circular motion. Like a banshee she screams into the open air.

SMOTHER

Help me.

INT. MANSION

Shannon once again enters the front foyer. She sees the Urn at the top of the stairs. Shannon examines the room and sees a motionless Jerry and Tommy wiggling on the floor. Shannon quickly and cautiously runs up the stairs towards the Urn.

SHANNON

This better work.

Tommy at the bottom of the steps jerks up to a sitting position (ala Dracula out of the coffin). He turns his head towards Shannon.

TOMMY

Hee hee. Mother?

Jerry starts to come to. He pulls his head out of the wall. His face is badly beaten. His eye dangles out of it’s socket. His nose is smashed and bleeding and he now has missing teeth. He looks up at Shannon climbing the steps.

Tommy, looks down at his busted leg. He falls to his side and starts crawling with his hands towards the steps.

Shannon slips on a bit of blood and continues carefully walking up the stairs towards the Urn. Her feet struggle to find grounding in the puddles of blood.

JERRY

Mother? Hee Hee.

Jerry’s blood dripping body turns and follows Tommy crawling up the stairs. He limps and walks slowly next to Tommy.

JERRY

Mother, stop her.

Smother fly’s in and hovers between the boys and Shannon. Shannon is just a few steps from the unguarded Urn, inches behind her she sees Jerry crawling up the stairs and Tommy limping his way up after her. Tommy pulls himself up on what is left of the stairwell.

TOMMY & JERRY

Mother?

Shannon makes her way to the Urn, she pics it up and is face to face with Tommy. She can smell his breath.

TOMMY

No! Mother!

Then from nowhere Smother fly’s in and gets in-between Tommy and Shannon. She opens her mouth and screams a haunting roar like that of a banshee.

SMOTHER

AAAAH!

With the roar comes a great gust of wind that blast Tommy back several feet and on his ass.

Smother swings her head back to look at Shannon.

SMOTHER

Help Me!

Shannon looks for something to do with the Urn. She looks over at the shattered window behind her. She smashes the Urn against the bars on the window. It does not break.

SHANNON

Son of a…

Shannon rips the top off of the Urn and reaches her hand into it. She takes a handful of ashes and tosses them out of the broken stained glass window.

She puls her arm back in revealing she cut herself.

TOMMY

Tasty!

Tommy is right behind Shannon.

Shannon takes another handful of ashes and shoves them out the window.

Again, Smother swoops in and screams at Tommy.

SMOTHER

AAAHH!!

Tommy is pushed by her wind gasp but is not deterred. He grabs the urn from Shannon’s hands. Shannon holds tight and angles the urn and slams it into Tommy’s face.

The Urn shatters, finally. A few ashes spill out.

SHANNON

Finally! Fuck.

Black ashes cover Tommy’s face. Tommy falls to the ground. Revealing Jerry standing behind him. Shannon stabs a piece of the urn into Jerry’s forehead, pushing him back onto the floor.

Shannon moves the remaining pieces of the Urn towards the window and the ashes start flying out the window. With an almost magnetic like pull, pieces of the ghostly Smother image fly out the window. With the last of her image remaining in the room Smother turns towards Shannon and squeezes a few last words out.

SMOTHER

Thank you.

Smother grabs hold of the bars on the window and yanks them off.

EXT. MANSION

The bars come crashing down outside the mansion.

INT. MANSION

Shannon sees that both Tommy and Jerry are on the ground but are conscious and pissed. Shannon looks out the window and down at the two story drop. Before she can react her foot is caught.

She looks down and sees that Tommy has grabbed her leg. With his face covered in ashes, tears fall down his face and with a whimper in his voice.

TOMMY

Mother?

Shannon kicks his face with her free foot. He lets go. Shannon turns towards the open window and jumps out.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dot

Lesson 13: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Scares, Releases, and Creepy Moments

What I learned form this lesson is… well, I learned how to get through a gross scene. I hate roaches so I decided to add them in this scene to creep myself out. It worked.

The startled crew tries to compose themselves. Cameron peaks into the dark room upstairs.

INT. DARK ROOM UPSTAIRS

Unexpectedly a light pops on over one of the doors. This one is wooden and raw. Then another light pops on, this door is metal.

Then another light pops on, this door is gold colored and may be real gold.

CAMERON

Hey ah. I’m going to need your help up here.

INT. THE THREE DOORS ROOM

Shannon looks into the three doors room where Cameron is. She sees one door is metal, one door is wood and one door looks like a roll up door. Boxie follows Shannon cautiously.

CAMERON

What am I suppose to do?

BOXIE

Obviously, pick a door.

CAMERON

I know that. But which one?

Shannon starts walking in front of the doors. She is using her senses and trying to decipher what is what.

SHANNON

The metal door…

Shannon places her hand closer and closer to the metal door.

SHANNON

There is a lot of heat coming from here.

Shannon moves down to the wood door.

SHANNON

I can’t tell with this one.

Shannon moves down to the roll up door. She peaks below the door and then gets up on a knee and starts to slowly roll up the door.

SHANNON

I’m going to try this one.

Boxie comes to her aide and stands in front of the door.

BOXIE

Can I help?

SHANNON

I think you should stand back.

CAMERON

Just pick one already!

Cameron cracks the roll up door, which jerks back, Shannon rolls backwards and avoids a series of blades attached to the door. As the door goes up the blades are pushed out. Shannon and Boxie both avoid the massive attack of blades.

CAMERON (POSH)

Wrong door.

Shannon looks back, lucky to be alive.

SHANNON

That’s not helping.

Cameron is annoyed.

CAMERON

It has to be this one?

Cameron approaches the wood door.

SHANNON

I have no idea. But that metal door is hot. There is something going on behind there. What do you think Boxie?

Boxie is still recovering from the blades that flew at her.

BOXIE

I definitely don’t think we want to go through the metal door.

Cameron cracks open the wood door. It creeks open revealing a long dark corridor. Tiny cracks of light shine through here and there.

CAMERON

I don’t think this is right?

Boxie and Shannon push past Cameron to look into the corridor. A voice chimes in from inside the walls.

TOMMMY (O.S.)

You have chosen well.

SHANNON(SARCASTICALLY)

Um… thanks I guess.

Shannon starts walking into the dark corridor. Boxie follows.

CAMERON

Is this a good idea?

SHANNON

You got anything better?

Cameron takes a breath and heads in too. Slivers of light come through vertical openings from the walls.

BOXIE

Are we going in between the walls?

Shannon approaches cautiously. They can see a light in the distance. Cameron gets excited.

CAMERON

There! There, heads towards that.

Cameron picks up speed and squeezes past Boxie and Shannon.

CAMERON

We just have to reach that light right?

Cameron is feet from the light and then she see’s in front of the light a group of spikes fly up.

Cameron looks down and sees a floor fitted with spikes.

CAMERON

Shit!

Cameron balances and avoids falling into the pit. Shannon’s hand quickly grabs her joined by Boxie who both pull her back and they all fall to the ground. Boxie is looking up.

BOXIE

Don’t look at the ceiling.

They all look up in unison to see the ceiling.

The ceiling is covered in large water beetle roaches. Cameron turns slowly to her right.

CAMERON

AAAHHH!

A roach is on her shoulder staring directly at her. Boxie swats it off Cameron’s shoulder.

The roaches start falling one by one on the girls. Shannon and Cameron start freaking out. Boxie keeps her cool.

BOXIE

I know they are gross but they are harmless.

Boxie starts peeling them off. Cameron sees a switch next to them.

CAMERON

What’s this?

Cameron pulls the switch as…

BOXIE & SHANNON

No Don’t!…

The room starts to rumble a little bit and the roaches are shaking off of the ceiling and falling on the crew. Cameron is screaming.

CAMERON

No! Get them off of me!

Cameron pulls one out of her hair. Boxie again with a level head looks around the room. She sees a hole of light where the roaches are coming from.

SHANNON

God! They won’t stop falling!

Shannon is dancing around shaking them off and squishing them beneath her feet.

CAMERON

I’m going back the way we came!

Cameron pulls another large roach out of her hair and starts walking back the way they came in the dark.

Boxie, unshaken by the roaches, starts following the speck of light. She sees where the roaches are coming from. Boxie sticks her hand in. Roaches quickly cover Boxie’s arm and are crawling up to her face.

Cameron frantically searches for the way back.

CAMERON

Wait! There wasn’t a wall here before! What the hell is going on!?

Shannon pulls a roach out of her hair.

Boxie has pushed her hand and arm into the hole of light.

BOXIE

There is something over here guys.

Boxie grabs something on the other side of the hole. She pulls hard and tears apart a piece of the wall. More light comes in.

Boxie peaks through the hole. She sees the image of a chubby teenager.

TOMMMY(O.C.)

Hee Hee!

The image runs away. Boxie continues to tear open the wall exposing a room.

BOXIE

Quick! Over here!

Shannon comes to help and starts ripping at the wall.

Cameron is feeling the walls trying to find her way back.

SHANNON

Cameron! Forget about it. They cut it off!

BOXIE

I saw someone over there. A boy. He ran away.

SHANNON

I heard him laugh, the sadistic bastard.

Cameron is felling the walls now. Shannon gets a hold of a big piece of wall, she rips it opening a hole big enough for them to get through.

BOXIE

Here we go!

Boxie climbs through followed by Shannon.

SHANNON

Come on Cameron!

Cameron reaches over and grabs Shannon’s arm. Shannon and Boxie help pull Cameron over.

INT. GAME ROOM

Shannon and boxie take in the room they are in. The see the tube that fed roaches into the hallway they just left.

SHANNON

So they shoved them in the room?

Cameron looks over to a window. She looks out.

CAMERON

Where are we? This house is fucked up.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned from this assignment is… what Anguish means. And even though as a writer it can be tough to put people in these horrible situations, Anguish really helps us be drawn into the characters fight.

Summary

Anguish – Boxie is shoved into a dark shaft and supposedly dies. Shannon just lost her best friend and the last survivor besides herself. She is alone.

Panic – Shannon shoves one of the twins off the stairs and knocks him out for a while, then she starts destroying the mansion, breaking and ripping anything she can.

Horror – With one twin badly hurt another one stands in her way at the bottom of the stairs. His creepy voice giving her know options.

Hysteria -Shannon runs down and beats and stabs him with every ounce of energy she has left.

Start of Act 3

INT. MANSION – NIGHT

(Dean has just been killed by the dogs on the other side of the door) Soon, a flood of blood comes pouring out form below the door.

Boxie goes to the front door and tries to open it. Still no luck.

BOXIE

I think it’s just you and me sister.

Shannon flips her knife into attach position. The two hold hands and start to go up the steps. There is a clanking sound coming from up stairs. Boxie and Shannon cautiously walk up the stairs as the clanking continues.

They notice a new door is opening and closing. It’s opening ajar and closing and opening ajar and closing. Boxie moves in to study it. It’s a dark shaft.

BOXIE

It looks like this is not the way to go.

With Boxie’s head looking down the shaft a voice whines a pig like noise and Tommy pops out another door and shoves Boxie down the shaft. She goes down and her head slams against the side of the long shaft before descending into darkness.

SHANNON

Boxie!

Shannon in pure reflex reaction pushes Tommy off the stairs ledge. He falls to the bottom of the stairs. Shannon cautiously peaks over and sees he is injured pretty bad and it looks like he has a broken leg. She pulls out the switchblade. She starts to cry.

SHANNON

That is my best friend. She better be okay!

Shannon looks around, nervous.

She looks down at the motionless Tommy. She doesn’t know what to do.

Shannon’s adrenaline spikes. She starts kicking off pieces of the stair railing.

She slashes the painting next to her.

She runs over to the window and throws a vase threw it. Shattering the stained glass everywhere and exposing the bars on the outside keeping her in.

SHANNON

Fuck you! And your stupid Gaudy, fucked up house!

Shannon finds anything she can break, shatter, or tip over. She kicks a hole in one of the walls.

She does the best she can to ruin any part of the house she can reach.

When she turns around she looks down and see Jerry at the bottom of the steps. He looks like Private Pyle from full metal jacket.

JERRY

You hurt my brother.

Shannon holds her knife out. Her breathing and sweat are overwhelming.

SHANNON

You killed all of them!

JERRY

You hurt my brother. Mother will not be happy if you hurt us.

Shannon doesn’t know what to do.

JERRY

Mother is already mad at you.

Shannon throws her knife right at Jerry. Jerry watches as it pass his face and he turns to watch it as it sticks into the wall.

When Jerry turns back he is met by Shannons fist. She cold cocks him hard he flops back towards the wall. Shannon grabs him by the collar and starts slamming his head into the wall. Over and over and over. Blood is covering the walls. Shannon grabs her knife from out of the wall and starts stabbing his back repeatedly until he falls to the ground.

She hears a rumbling behind her. Tommy is starting to get up.

BOXIE

Set!

It’s Boxie, she crawled out of the hole. Blood drips down her head and she is crawling. But she manages to throw a volleyball up into the air and serves it to Shannon who turns around and spikes it into Jerry’s face. Knocking him back down on the ground.

SHANNON

Match, bitch.

Boxie falls to the ground. Shannon stats searching Tommy’s pockets. She finds a key faub of some-kind. She starts clicking all the buttons. One button makes a door start flying open and closed. Another button makes the piano play it’s melodic song. Shannon addresses the piano.

SHANNON

Not again.

Another finally opens the front door.

SHANNON

Finally.

With the door open and the faub in her hand Shannon runs up to Boxie.

Shannon picks up Boxie from laying on the ground. Boxie vomits some blood.

BOXIE

Go. Go get help. I can’t make it out of here.

Shannon pulls her up onto to her shoulder.

SHANNON

You’re getting out of here.

Shannon gets Boxie up onto her feet.

BOXIE

I can’t, my feet. They hurt.

Shannon takes a deep breath.

SHANNON

Suck it up kiddo, we’re leaving this shit hole.

Shannon starts carrying her on her shoulders down the steps towards the front door. They pass the bloody mess that was Tommy and the shards of human that fill the foyer.

They step out the front door to the sunrise.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What i learned form this assignment is… suspense and dread become powerful when you’ve proven how bad things can get for your heros.

Summary

Fear- We just watched a crew member smashed by a dumb waiter. Now the crew enters into a new room where they hear creepy voices from behind the walls.

Suspense – Where are the voices coming from, then we see dogs from behind the doors ready to attack.

Dread- Dean runs in to stop the dogs and closes the door behind him. This is followed by a puddle of blood creeping out from under the door.

END OF ACT 2

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

The dumbwaiter comes crashing down on Cameron’s body leaving only her legs dangling out the dumbwaiter hole. The dumb waiter continues to wiggle although it is stuck on Cameron’s corpse. Another door opens allowing the crew to leave the kitchen. The crew, now just Shannon, Boxie and Dean leave the room cautiously.

INT. FRONT FOYER

Again the crew is lead into the front foyer. Brad’s remains are scattered by the piano. Boxie holds her chest in dreadful remembrance of him.

BOXIE

Oh Brad, I’m so sorry.

Shannon starts studying the paintings on the wall. They have no eyeballs. Dean heads up the stairs to see if he can come up with a plan B.

DEAN

Why are we back here again?

SHANNON

I think they’re running out of house.

Suddenly a creepy laugh cackles behind the walls.

TOMMY (O.C.)

Ha. Ha. HEE, HEE.

Dean creeps down the stairs.

SHANNON (WHISPERS TO BOXIE)

They’re behind the walls.

JERRY (O.C.)

More puzzles to solve children!

The voices are coming from all around the room.

TOMMY (O.C.)

Ha. Ha. HEE, HEE. Play with us more!

Shannon listens carefully, ready to pounce. Boxie knows this look.

BOXIE (WHISPERS)

Careful.

Suddenly, Shannon punches through one of the paintings and grabs whatever is on the other side. It’s Jerry! And he looks the same as he did in the flashback. Same clothes, same age.

Jerry struggles with Shannon a bit but she swing him around and puts him in a choke hold.

Boxie runs over to brads pants pockets and fumbles through until she finds his knife. She takes it over to Shannon. Boxie flips out the blade and hands it to Shannon who presses it next to Jerry’s neck.

SHANNON

Who are you? Why are you doing this?

Jerry starts giggling.

JERRY

Hee, hee.

SHANNON

Nothing is funny about this. I’m going to cut open your throat you asshole.

Tommy starts shuffling and laughing in the walls.

TOMMY

Haa, ha.

SHANNON

You! The other one. Come out here.

Jerry doesn’t resist anymore. His voice like a winey pee-wee herman.

JERRY

Hey, have you met my pets?

Shannon, Dean and Boxie all have an “oh shit” moment. The door upstairs creeks open.

Three white dogs can be seen through the door. The door cracks a little more.

Shannon readjust her position to hold Jerry in a tight headlock.

The Dogs snarling faces are popping out of the ajar door. Without thinking Dean runs into the room of dogs. He slams the door behind him.

SHANNON

No! Dean No!

BOXIE

Dean!

Boxie runs up to the door and attempts to open it, carefully but it’s locked.

Jerry wiggles out of Shannon’s grasp and runs off. Shannon is now worried about Dean and she hovers by the door with Boxie. The sound from the door is filled with scratches and sounds of suffering. Soon, a flood of blood comes pouring out form below the door.

Boxie goes to the front door and tries to open it. Still no luck.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned from this assignment is – I need to stop writing this at night, I’m creeping myself out.

Level 2 Horror Emotion Scene

INT. MANSION FRONT ROOM – NIGHT

With Boxie taking up the rear, the crew releases from their bottle neck into the foyer of the house.

SHANNON

Now what?

They look around. The front door slams shut and locks. Brad runs over to try and open it. Then another door nearby slams shut. Cmaeron tries to open it. Shannon runs over to an open door which slams in her face. And then another door slams, and another. Eventually all of the many mansion doors, one by one slam shut.

BRAD

Oh God. I have to call my Mom by 10pm?

Through her tears, Cameron manages to squeeze out a little more bitchiness.

CAMERON

It’s almost 11.

BRAD

Dammit.

Boxie is shocked.

BOXIE

Seriously? That’s what we are worried about right now? If we don’t want to end up like Mitch we better figure this out!

Boxie starts panicking. Shannon observes and analysiss the situtation.

BOXIE

Hello? Hello!? Who the fuck is doing this? Just let us go? We’re just kids ok?

CAMERON (UNDER HER BREATH)

Speak for yourself child.

BRAD

Hey! Hello! Anyone home? Our friend got hurt and our cell phones, you know…

Shannon puts her hand on Brad’s shoulder. Brad starts to realize how useless his efforts to yell for help are.

SHANNON

I don’t think we are going to get much help.

Suddenly, the piano in the middle of the foyer plays a quick and haunting three note melody.

“Ding, dong, ding…”

Brad goes in closer for inspection. Cameron is still freaking out.

BRAD

There’s a note here.

Brad looks closely and reaches out to take the note.

SHANNON

No! Don’t touch it . Don’t touch anything.

BRAD

It says “Play it slow, play it with feeling, and opportunity will arise.

But play it right, so no one dies.”

Brad reaches out for the note. Shannon looks around the house and tries to analyze if they’re will be any traps. Brad slowly reaches to the paper and turns it around.

BRAD

There is sheet music on the back.

BOXIE

Do you play?

BRAD

Yeah, I mean a little… when I was a kid.

Brad places the music down and sits at the piano. He starts to play the tune from earlier.

“DING, DONG, DING, DING DONG- DONG”

The last note is clearly wrong. The room starts to make a noise. Cameron has ascended up the stairs at this point and looks down at Brad. Brad stands up next to the piano trying to figure out what is happening, suddenly s metallic sound rings and a giant blade fly’s out of the wall and slices Brad’s head off. His head rolls to the feat of Boxie! She let’s out a blood curdling scream!

BOXIE

AAAH!

By instinct she kicks his head away. Cameron falls to her knees and is crying up stairs. Boxie folds into Shannon’s arms as Boxie cries. Shannon takes a deep breath and walks over to the piano. She pushes Brads headless body off of the piano stool.

SHANNON

Sorry Brad.

She sits down at the stool and whipes blood off her hand onto her jeans.

BOXIE

Shannon, no? Do you know what you’re doing.

Shannon takes another deep breath and stares at the sheet music. She touches it with her bloody hand, leaving some bloody finger prints on the sheet music. She takes a dramatic look back at her friends. Could this be the last time she sees them?

CAMERON

You don’t need to do this Shannon. Maybe I can just show them my tits or something?

Shannon and Boxie both look up at her.

BOXIE

Don;t you think it that’s what they wanted they would have already…Jesus Christ Cameron.

CAMERON

Well I don’t see you guys coming up with anything else. Shannon’s gonna get her head cut of too!

Shannon take a deep breath, which brings silence to the room.

SHANNON

I got this.

Shannon carefully plays the melody.

“Ding, Dong, Ding. Ding, Dong, Ding.”

Then the notes progress a little.

Ding, Ding , Ding, Dong, Dong Ding.

The last note resonates. The house starts to make a noise again. Then suddenly a door upstairs flys open.

The startled crew tries to compose themselves. Cameron peaks into the dark room upstairs.

INT. DARK ROOM UPSTAIRS

Unexpectedly a light pops on over one of the doors. This one is wooden and raw. Then another light pops on, this door is metal.

Then another light pops on, this door is gold colored and may be real gold.

CAMERON

Hey ah. I’m going to need your help up here.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned form this assignment is – I really like writing in the creepy moments. I think I need to stop cursing so much in the writing but it is the way I would react if crazy stuff like this was going on.

EXT. VANDERS MANSION- NIGHT

The group of teens pull up in their beat up old car. MITCH, our jock who is kinda of a jerk, is driving. CAMERON, the snob, is in the shotgun seat and our hero SHANNON and her best friend BOXIE, an athletic non-binary person, ride in the back seat with BRAD, the hopeless romantic and musician who can’t really play that well. As the car pulls up the teens finish sharing stories about their different version of the Vanders haunted mansion stories. Mitch stops the car and gets out.

MITCH

Well, I heard that she had these white dogs that she cut the vocal chords out so they couldn’t bark. So when you look up at the house, there are just these dogs barking away with no sound coming out!

All of the teens pile out leaving Boxie struggling to get out of the middle seat. Cameron is talking to people while she scrolls on her phone.

CAMERON

Why does everyone in your car smell like gym socks?

Brad lights up a joint and looks up at the mansion.

BRAD

It’s because his car smells like gym sock.

The big blue gates of the mansion steal the scene. They are old, the paint is cracking but yet the blue still has an almost lively florescence to them. Boxie gets out. She grabs the joint from Brad.

BOXIE

Holy shit! This place is huge! And creepy as hell.

The crew crowds near the trunk of the car.

SHANNON

I don’t know man. I think we should leave this house alone.

Suddenly a thumping sound.

Thump!

Boxie and the crew jump at the unexpected noise!

THUMP! THUMP!

BOXIE

What the hell?

Mitch laughs.

MITCH

Ha ha! Come on out dude.

Mitch pops open the trunk to reveal DEAN, a squeamish nerd (any race/ethnicity). Dean has been smashed in there this whole drive. He peels out of the trunk. Brad offers him a joint.

DEAN

I’m good.

He passes it back. Boxie notices a volley ball in the trunk.

BOXIE

Is that ours? Did you steal a volleyball from us?

MITCH

Hey! It landed in the football field so it’s fair game.

Mitch grabs the ball and starts kicking it around.

SHANNON

It’s not a soccer ball you idiot.

MITCH

Fine then.

Mitch picks the ball up and starts setting it like a volleyball and he pops it over to Brad who puts his fist together and taps it gently into the air. Mitch leaps up and spikes the ball over the creepy blue fence.

BOXIE

Shit.

MITCH

Shit.

DEAN AND CAMERON

Shit.

SHANNON

I don’t think we are getting that ball back today.

Mitch starts walking closer to the creepy blue gate. The fog roles in, the moon lights the path ways to the mansion whish sits a good 50 feet from the gate. Mitch looks closely.

MITCH

It’s a crack.

Brad runs over to examine it too.

BRAD

That’s not normal?

The rest of the crew stay back a bit. Cameron is busy on her phone and then takes a picture of the gate.

CAMERON

Fuck! I can’t post it. Their is no fucking signal up here! Fucking budget carrier. I hate my dad.

She throws the phone on the ground.

CAMERON

Oh god! What have I done!

Cameron drop stop her knees and picks up her phone and stares at it.

CAMERON

I’m so sorry.

Dean is reading a sign in german.

BOXIE

What does it say Dean?

DEAN

It says electrified.

The camera pulls back to reveal an image of an electrocuted man on the warning sign.

Suddenly Mitch starts shacking like an electric shock is hitting him.

MITCH

AAAH!

The crew has a jump scare and Brad starts to panic and runs off a bit. Mitch drops the act

MITCH

Where the hell are you going Brad?

Brad stops panicking and turns around.

BRAD

I was going to get help, maybe?

The crew laughs at him. Boxie gets up close and personal to her crush and acts cute.

BOXIE

My hero!

Brad blushes, but likes the attention from Boxie.

Meanwhile, Mitch transverses forward into the gate.

MITCH

Oh look? I can see the ball right there.

He crosses into the property. There is a beat change, the sound of wind picks up. Through the fog the image of what might be a white volleyball can barely be scene.

MITCH

But I’m not going to get it. The ball is yours Boxie.

Boxie is done with this game. She starts to head into the gate opening.

MITCH

Careful Boxie, don’t get shocked.

Mitch touches the inside of the fence, he is suddenly thrown back and he lands on the ground.

BOXIE

Mitch?

BRAD

Oh shit!

Boxie, Dean, Brad, Cameron and Shannon all run inside the gates and over to Mitch to help him. As they all hover over his motionless body, he cracks a smile.

MITCH

Ha ha! How many times guys? How many times are you going to fall for this? You all are suckers.

Shannon kicks his side ribs.

MITCH

Hey! That hurts.

Suddenly, the big blue gates slide closed, pushing leaves and dirt out of their way with an almost mythical force their is a slight rumble in the air as the crew realizes they are now inside the property.The gate’s lock falls closed.

CAMERON

Did you all see that??

BRAD

What just happened?

They all stand up and take in the fact that they are on the other side of the fence now. Mitch freaks out.

MITCH

Oh shit man, oh shit. I got to get out of here.

Mitch runs up to the gate to open it and is zapped by a big powerful electrical shock. His body is thrown back 30 feet.

CAMERON

Mitch!

The crew runs over to Mitch following Cameron’s lead. Cameron huddles over his smoldering body.

CAMERON

Oh God! Mitch!

Smoke rises from his burned body. Cameron starts crying. Dean starts to take focus of the elements around them. He looks over at what we thought was the volleyball.

DEAN

Guys?

The crew is still fretting over their fallen friend.

DEAN

Guys? This isn’t good.

The crew starts to take notice. Over by the bushes where they had suspected a volleyball there is movement.

Shannon slowly stands up and starts to slowly look over her shoulder.

SHANNON

Something’s not right.

As Shannon slowly turns her head she can start to see two all white dogs come out of the shadows. The snarling of the dogs can be heard. Drool drips form their ghostly faces.

SHANNON

We need to get out of here.

Cameron starts to run to the fence. Boxie grabs her arm.

BOXIE

We’re not going that way.

Boxie points down at Mitch’s dead smouldering corpse.

BOXIE

Not unless you want to go with him.

Cameron stops and turns to look at the Mansion.

CAMERON

Well, we need to go to the house, and get help?

BRAD

That house? The creepy fucking house?

BOXIE

Well, I’m not staying around to see what those things do.

Boxie points at the dogs. The dogs start slowly advancing on the crew. Then they start opening their mouths and barking, with all the furry of a guard dog but with no sound. As they bark they lift their necks just enough to reveal unhealed scar tissue on their necks.

CAMERON

Oh God! It’s true.

Cameron starts running up the hill towards the house. The dogs slowly advance.

Boxie looks at Shannon for advice.

BOXIE

What do you think sister?

Shannon doesn’t lost eye contact with the dogs.

SHANNON

I think we run and take our chances up there.

She points up the trail towards the mansion. With Shannons sudden lead, the crew starts running up the hill.

Cameron trips. Brad swoops and arm down to help her up. Her ankle is caught in a root overgrowth. She can’t free it without losing her shoe.

BRAD

Fuck it. Take it off, let’s go.

Cameron fiddles with her foot. Shannon stops to help.

Meanwhile the dogs slowly advance, and then as the fog clears behind the two dogs we see there is at least 3 more behind them, and maybe more in the fog.

SHANNON

That’s enough for me.

Shannon rips Cameron’s foot out of her shoe.

CAMERON

Dammit! Those are Armani (or some kinda fancy shoe)

Boxie grabs Camerons hand and pulls her up the hill.

BOXIE

Lets go girl!

We see in the distance there is a large number of white dogs now.

EXT. MANSION FRONT ENTRANCE – NIGHT

Standing in front of the doorway, the crew collects up, bottle-necked at the door. They look back, although slow, the dogs are advancing.

BRAD

What do we do?

The front door creaks open on it’s own, showing inside of the mansion, a dark almost candlelit front entrance way with large winding stairs to a second story. The crew is hesitant. Shannon studies the scene. Cameron is crying.

CAMERON

Where’s Mitch when you need him!?

BOXIE

Fuuuuck!

Boxie suddenly shoves everyone in the front door with all her might.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

Character Journey Track

What I learned form this assignment is: giving characters a journey track , whether on screen or not helps develop their reactions to the horrifying events and helps solidify their characters and characteristics.

ASSIGNMENT 8

ASSIGNMENT

1. With each of your Survivors and Victims, answer the following questions:

A. What is their Character Profile?

Shannon, our last to live Protag

1. Role: The most
level headed, doesn’t drink at the beginning, isn’t interested in any of
the boys <div>

2. Traits: Brave,
Athletic but a little overweight or more accurately normal size bodies, Level headed. She is black or darker skinned

<div>

3. Fears: Fear
isn’t her problem but sympathy for lives lost slows her down.

4. Wants/Needs :
She wants to get everyone out of the house and make the soccer
championship game the next day.

5. Likability /
Rooting factors: She is level headed, comes form a single parent family and even though she is not the
center of attention she is popular and a star athlete. She is humble and
brave, and emotionally feels every death that happens.

6. How they react
under stress: She is level headed after the first death, once she realizes
there is no way out of the mansion she realizes they need to play the
games.

7.Relationship
with other characters: BFF with Boxie (Sarah Boxer) who has a crush on
Brad.

8.Character Intro:
We see her leave her single mom home in the hood area as she travels over
the tracks to Boxies house

9.Denial: Doesn’t
want to go on the car trip with the boys. She doesn’t think the guys are
any good for them.

10. Their reaction
at first horror: She is sad to see someone die, but quickly becomes brave
and starts to figure out how to get out.

11. Relation to
group after first horror: Leader

12. How they fight
back: She is fit and tough, although she is normal size and has some weight
on her.

13. End Point: She
kills the ghost.

14. What insight do
their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? – Despite being a
little bit heavier than the other girls she was the bravest and was smart
about her attacks on the ghost. She thinks with her head not her gut.

Boxie – Brave, Shannon’s BFF, Mumbles we shouldn’t go

1.Role: She is the
one most afraid of going into the mansion property. </div><div>

2. Traits: She is a
star athlete, athletic, and is head over heels into Brad. Blonde, Asian

3. Fears: She wants
to look good in front of Brad so she tries a little hard, but she is a
little shy around the boys and doesn’t want to speak up

4. Wants/Needs :
She wants Brad and needs his approval. She is also deeply concerned with
the safety of Shannon.

5. Likability /
Rooting factors: She is caring, sweet and shy. She is also Brave when she
has to be.

6. How they react
under stress: Game mode. She is ready for action when she has to be. 7.Relationship
with other characters: BFF with Shannon

8.Character Intro:
Boxie meets Shannon at Boxie’s house where they talk about the guys they
are hanging out with and what they are going to do.

9.Denial: She
doesn’t believe in the ghost and thinks it’s funny to believe in them

10. Their reaction
at first horror: She is scared and wants Brad to hold her, but he runs
away.

11. Relation to
group after first horror: Follows Shannon

12. How they fight
back: She sacrifices herself

13. End Point: She
lives but barely as she is bitten and hurt by the dog. We think she is
dead and she comes back and cuts the power, saving Shannon.

14. What insight do
their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? Friends stick
together.

Cameron – Snobby, rich, gives up at the door game

1.Role: She is
Naïve and Snobby. She is pushy and triggers traps when she stop and think.
She proves that the traps are real and they will kill when she impatiently
does a trap and dies. 2.Traits: Snobby,
rich, White Blonde, makes fun of Boxie for having died Blonde hair but she
does too. </div><div>

3. Fears: Anything
that touches her, she uses gloves to touch things, doesn’t want to get her
hands dirty. Has slept with Brad or at least fooled around with him

4.Wants/Needs :
Wants to be the center of attention, needs to be told that she is pretty
often. Someone said that dress looks great on you and she said “I know!”.
Needs a cell phone. 5.Likability /
Rooting factors: She is pretty but not very likable and she makes things
worse until she is killed by the piano trap.

6. How they react
under stress: She doesn’t get too stressed out about the death traps and
thinks it’s stupid and doesn’t believe the traps will actually kill
anyone.

7. Relationship
with other characters: Used to be with Brad and is trying to get with
Mitch because he is rich too. She always has to look good.

8. Character Intro:
Shows up in the car, sits shotgun, doesn’t look up her phone when she says
“get in the back”

9.Denial: She is a
true believer in ghost and gets scared just talking about it

10.Their reaction
at first horror: Scared as hell. Pushes the other girls into the danger to
protect herself

11.Relation to
group after first horror: Wants other people to deal with it. Needs her
phone

12. How they fight
back: Denies the complications of the puzzles and tries to take a short
cut each time.

13.End Point:
Killed by a booby trap

14. What insight do
their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The booby traps are
deadly

Brad – Poser Musician

1. Role: Mitch’s
friend. Boxie likes him. He brings a guitar around to impress the girls
but can’t really play much. </div><div>

2.Traits: Shorter
and fit. Kind of full of himself and makes attempts

3. Fears: All the
scary stuff
Wants/Needs:
Girls attention. Drugs and needs to check in with his parents by 9pm.

4.Likability /
Rooting factors: He appears to be nice to Boxie although he isn’t too
interested in her. He runs at the first opportunity he gets.

5. How they react
under stress: He runs

6.Relationship
with other characters: Friend with Mitch, so sometimes he tries to keep up
with Mitch’s macho attitude.

7.Character Intro:
In the car, complains that there isn’t much room for his guitar in the car
with Dean in the trunk he drops it on top of him

8.Denial: Thinks
he is a talented musician until he gets his head cut off.

9.Their reaction
at first horror: Runs away and then
the maze leads him back to the girls he ran from.

10.Relation to
group after first horror: Runs away, then is worried that the needs to
check in with Mom before 10pm.

11.How they fight
back: They run away

12.End Point:
Killed when he can’t play the piano right

13 What insight do
their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? The booby traps are
real.

Mitch – Macho

1.Role: Driver of
the car. Ego driven, he is the first to get killed by the electrified
fence. </div><div>

2. Traits: Macho,
Ego driven. Wants to full around with any of the girls, but has a strict
no relationship rule.

3.Fears: Pretends
not to be afraid of anything. He dies to early to prove whether or not
that is true or not.

4.Wants/Needs: He
wants each of the girls as prizes and needs to be slow down, eventually
his eagerness kills him.

5.Likability /
Rooting factors: He is handsome and fit but irritating because of his good
looks.
How they react
under stress: Runs

6.Relationship
with other characters: He has known Boxie and Shannon since they were
little.
Character Intro:
Driver of the car. Is stoned when he picks the girls up

7.Denial: None of
this can hurt him

8. Their reaction at
first horror: Dead, shocked by the electric fence

9. Relation to
group after first horror: Dead

10.How they fight
back: Runs into the problem and gets killed

11.End Point:
Killed by electric fence

12.What insight do
their deaths or survival bring to the others/audience? This horror will
kill them.

Dean – Scaredy cat that hid in the trunk

1. Role: Tells the story of how the ghost came to be.

2.Traits: shy and timid. A bit of a geek and history buff.

3.Fears: Most scary things, but he is a logical student of science and doesn’t believe in the supernatural.

4.Wants/Needs: To help people but
can’t help. Needs to be excepted by the boys. </div>

5.Likability / Rooting factors:
Tries to help with technology whenever possible.

6.How they react under stress:
Freezes up

7.Relationship with other
characters: Kind of a tag along. Has a crush on Cameron who treats him
terribly.

8.Character Intro: Is in the trunk
when Brad has to put his guitar away

9.Denial: Believes in ghost and
thinks he can beat it with some gadgets

10.Their reaction at first horror:
Shocked and terrified

11.Relation to group after first
horror: Needs to follow the others

12.How they fight back: killed making
a wrong move in the maze

13.End Point: Falls into a pit

14.What insight do their deaths or
survival bring to the others/audience? The mansion is a trap and the only way out is death.

</div>

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

Horror Situation Track

Horror Situations at a “Haunted House”

Horror Situation: Scary House, locked gate, to enter a gated community, Electric gate opens (Kids have the password)

Reaction: Kids are eager to go inside. Sarah warns that they shouldn’t do it

Horror Situation: The sign says electric fence.

Reaction: Mitch pretends to get shocked by the fence. The girls reacte with concern.

Horror Situation: the house gate is cracked and damaged so it is open

Reaction: Mitch the jock, jumps inside the open gate door. Everyone follows to pull him out.

Horror Situation: The Gate closes shutting everyone in the property.

Reaction: Thinking the electric fence isn’t armed Mitch panics and runs to the fence to climb out and is electrocuted to death.

Horror Situation: A light turn on in the house.

Reaction: The Naïve girl Cameron makes her way to the house.

HS: The floors opens up in front of her revealing a deadly pit

Reaction: They go a different way

HS: A trail of bear traps lies a head

Reaction: they use their empty beer cans to trigger them and carefully walk towards the house.

HS: they get to the house and the door creeps open

Reaction: they go inside

HS: All the doors into and out from the room close on them

Reaction: They search for a way out. Some panic. There is a note telling them to play the song perfectly on the piano or suffer the consequences (need to word this better).

HS: The boy plays the song with one obvious wrong note

Reaction: His head is chopped off

HS: Our protag Shannon plays the song right

Reaction: One door upstairs opens

HS: Eyes watch them from behind paintings, we hear giggling

Reaction: They cautiously enter the new open door

HS: A new room presents three doors, one is freedom the other two are death

Reaction: the naïve girl can’t take it anymore and runs through a door and is dropped to a dark pit and as she waits at the bottom for help she is crushed by a collapsing dumb waiter

HS: 2 more doors

Reaction: Shannon studies the doors and picks carefully

HS: More eyes behind painting

Reaction: Shannon rips open the paintings until she can grab one of the Boys. The boy is like an in-mature Fester character , she grabs the teen and stabs him in the gut.

HS: The house is watching her

Reaction: She has the boy and uses him to draw out the momma

HS: The mother comes out with her pet wolves

Reaction: The friend “Boxie” fights off the dogs, she throws the dogs into the pit, and at the last moment they grab her and drag her down too.

HS: Meri is mad now and wants to kill Shannon, she uses an electrical gadget to try and shock her.

Reaction: Boxie is still alive and limping outside, Boxie pulls the power.

HS: Meri takes a knife and goes after Shannon

Reaction: Shannon is tough and chases down Meri, she knocks her on the head and just starts throwing things at her until she can kick her out of the window.

The boys cower in fear. Shannon and Boxie limp out of the house.

Close- The cops arrive

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

Horror Plot

ACT 1 — SET UP FOR HORROR

Atmosphere of Evil established – Opening Scene has the Vanderlip mother kill the boys girlfriends by poisoning them. She claims all they wanted was her money.
Connect with the characters <div>

– The 5 kids are in the car
driving crazy. The driver says I got the door code to the mansion gates and I’m taking us to
the top of the hill to the haunted Vanderlip home.
The characters are warned not to do it.

– Sarah warns/mumbles that they shouldn’t go.
Denial of Horror – Mitch acts like nothing is going to
hurt them and pretends to be electrocuted by the fence.
Safety taken away

– The gate is locked behind them when
they sneak in.
Monster: The nature of the beast.

– They see the “ghost” in the windows and then Mitch runs back and is shocked and killed by the
electric fence.

<div>

ACT 2 — THE
POINT OF NO RETURN

Isolated / Trapped / Abducted

– The gate is locked
around them and now they know it is electrified. Sarah thinks they should go to house and ask for help or for them to open the fence.

One of us killed– Mitch is killed by the electric fence
Then they enter the house and have to solve the piano
puzzle, they must play the song perfectly according to a note left in the house, but Brad plays it wrong and his head is
sliced off.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>MIDPOINT:
The monster is worse than we thought!

Full pursuit by the killer – Trapped in the house they
are hunted by the boys who hide in the walls.

Terrorized – They laugh from behind the walls and give
them more life or death puzzles to do.

ACT 3 —
FULL OUT HORROR

Hysteria – Shannon has had enough and grabs one of the boys using hi to draw out the old lady. The three girls are left fighting. Sarah is killed when she opens a wrong door and is crushed. Cameron sacrifices herself by getting in the way of the mother’s dogs who all fall into the pit.

Fight to the death – The old lady reveals she has an electric shocking device that could kill Shannon. Surprisingly, Sarah is still Alive and cuts the power/ Shannon then attacks the old lady and stabs her.

The thrilling escape from death – Shannon and Sarah escape with
her life as the boys stay in the mansion. </div>

Death returns to take one or more. – When we think the
mom is dead she is not and she grabs the injured Sarah who pulls both of them off the house and to their death.

Resolution – Sun rises and the house returns to an old
dilapidated home where Shannon walks away.

</div>

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

Characters for Horror

What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work. _ I really took from this the conventions of character. I’ve seen all these characters before but it was really helpful having them written out for me to reference in this way.

1. Tell us your Concept and the Group you have chosen.

THRILL SEEKERS – The Five high School kids get stoned and go to the Vanderlip mansion looking for a fun thrill.

2. Tell us the Dying Pattern of this movie.- All but one girl die.

3. Give us an identity and a sentence for each character that makes up your group. –

Brad- The Not-so-shy musician who is too cocky and gets himself killed

Mitch – The macho jock.

Sarah – The nice girl who can’t be assertive enough to save her life, mumbles her complaints.

Cameron – The other soccer player who just wants to get stoned all the time. She is a little out of control.

Shannon – The moral one, the girl who always wants to turn back, one of the ace soccer players, very fit. She lives at the end

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz – Terrifying “Monster”

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work. – Even though a mythology isn’t important right away, we want to be scared and don’t care why the person is scary right away, but it does help to know why our Antagonist is so creepy.

Create an early version of your monster.

1. Tell us what or who your monster is. – A smothering wealthy debutante Mom (Smother), Elaina Vanderlip. She has a great fortune and lives in a Mansion that she has created as a big booby trapped place to scare of and murder visitors.

Her boys, whom she has smothered and controlled since very young, all pretend to be the ghost haunting their mansion when young kids break in. The boys have been raised to be sick like their mother and will kill for her.

2. Give us a few sentences for each of the following for your monster:

Their Terror: – Smother haunts the kids with her series
of elaborate booby traps. She likes to terrorize kids that come to the “haunted Vanderlip mansion”. As we see at the beginning, she killed some girls that wanted to get to know the boys better and she kills within the first moments the teenagers sneak into her property. <div>

Their Mystery: – Is Smother a ghost or a person ?

Their Fear Provoking Appearance: – I think for me this is the mansion itself. It is over a hundred years old and appears very spooky.

Their Rules: – She controls the house and even though
the technology is 100 years old she can lock the house with a series of pully’s, and she can lock the gate and
has a series of other booby traps she has created around the house to put
our protagonist in peril

Their Mythology: – Smother, she smothers her children
so much that she killed their only love and now they are controlled by
her. Stunted emotionally the two twin boys do whatever mother tells them and will continue too, long after she is dead.

</div>

[Mark Doddy]

Hi all,

My Name is Mark J Doddy.

I have written 6 screenplays. 2 of them I am wanting to polish up after the creative mastery class and then I want to get them to market.

I’ve always wanted to write horror but I spend so much time making fun of the conventions when I watch them (although I love them), I thought it was time that I eat my word and write a proper horror script.

Something unique about me is even though I worked in Government TV for 15 years I spent the last few years running a series of dry cleaners that I converted into Organic/Non-Toxic cleaners. We sold this business during covid so now I can get back to my dreams of working in film again.

[Mark Doddy]

1. Your name. – Mark J Doddy (Dotz)

2. The words “I agree to the terms of this release form.” – And I agree to the terms of this release form

3. Please leave the entire text below to confirm what you agree to.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned from this assignment is adding in moments that build tension and anxiety make for great moments of relief and help the dynamics of a scene.

EXT. FOREST FOGGY NIGHT – EARLY 3AM

Damian and Isabella pop their heads out of the fog in a deep hole in the forest revealing that they are inches from a cliff-side. In the distance they can see Archibald’s men quietly marching towards King Fortuna’s the castle in the distance. Damian notices a group of horses carrying something large.

DAMIAN

They have catapults?

Damian looks closer and sees something much worse than catapults. Canons. Isabella knows exactly what they are.

DAMIAN

What is that?

Isabella looks off in the distance contemplative. Something is wrong.

ISABELLA

They were mine.

DAMIAN

What are they Isabella? What are they?

Isabella looks down at the ground.

DAMIAN

What?

ISABELLA

Black powder.

Damian is confused.

DAMIAN

Whats that?

ISABELLA

Portable thunder and lighting.

DAMIAN

Is it some kind of magic?

ISABELLA

Worse.

They start climbing down the cliff-side towards the castle.

EXT. FOREST CLEARING – CASTLE IN THE DISTANCE

Damian and Isabella come to a small clearing, they can see Fortuna’s towering castle in the distance. Isabella scans the area and stops Damian with her arm. She puts her fingers to her lips and stares down Damian.

ISABELLA

Shhh.

Damian looks around and sees two men pissing on trees, childlike they are playing swords with their pee streams.

PISSING MAN 1

Ha ha! I win!

PISSING MAN 2

Doth their sword shy away in battle?

Suddenly Isabella smacks Pissing Man 1 over the head with a log…

PISSING MAN 1

Ugh.

He falls to the ground…his friend looks at Isabella

PISSING MAN 2

Hey?!

Followed quickly by Damian swinging the butt of his sword over the head of Pissing Man 2.

PISSING MAN 2

Ow? That really hurt.

Pissing Man 2 is peeing all over himself.

PISSING MAN 2

Oh come on, I pissed on my uniform?

Damian goes in for another knock down blow. Pissing Man 2 collapses. Isabella examines the man. Isabella points at Pissing Man 2 and his slightly damp uniform.

ISABELLA

You are wearing that one.

EXT. FOREST CLEARING

Archibald’s men have finished marching and are preparing their weapons, the catapults and the Cannons for battle. Isabella wears the Red Uniform complete with a helmet obscuring her face. Damian wears one as well, which clearly has a damp spot on it. Isabella whispers to Damian in her deepest manliest voice. She has a small pouch of powder.

ISABELLA

Here. Put this in the hole of the tube and it will stop them short.

Damian looks at the pouch, he sees what black powder looks like.

DAMIAN

And if we can cut the chords on those catapults they’ll be useless.

Isabella goes into her normal voice.

ISABELLA

Sounds like a plan.

Isabella’s voice has given her away. An unmasked Soldier in Red turns around.

SOLDIER IN RED 1

Hey, what did you say?

Damian has to react quickly. He points at the Barrels.

DAMIAN

We need to load the- uh, barrels?

Damian has no idea what to call the Cannons.

SOLDIER IN RED 1

You mean the cannons?

Isabella chimes in with her deepest voice.

ISABELLA

Yup.

Soldier in Red 1 questions Isabella’s reaction.

SOLDIER IN RED 1

Yeah, go ahead, load them up.

Damian and Isabella walk up to the Cannon. Damian holds the pouch of powder and stands there clueless. Soldier Number 1 continues to watch the couple as another group of soldiers pass. One of the commanders call Soldier in Red 1 over.

COMMANDER IN RED

Hey you, you’re with us.

The Commander calls over Slider in Red 1, he quickly runs to join them and abandoning his observation of Damian and Isabella.

Without hesitation Isabella grabs the pouch of powder from Damian and quickly starts adding way too much black powder into the dozens of cannons.

ISABELLA

Here. Keep doing it to all of them.

Isabella makes her way over to the nearby Catapults.

EXT. CATAPULT STORAGE

Surrounded by a DOZEN SOLDIERS IN RED, Isabella makes her way over to one of the 3 catapults. Most of the men are distracted in conversation or sharpening their ax’s and swords.

Isabella unnoticed starts slicing a line of rope. Within seconds it is disconnected, She moves on to the next on.

EXT. FOREST – CANNON AREA

Damian empties out his pouch of black powder. He hears a conflict in the distance and looks up to see Isabella engaged in a moment with a Soldier in Red, HAIRY SOLDIER.

EXT. CATAPULT STORAGE

Isabella is hiding the cut rope behind her as she is engaged by HAIRY SOLIDER, whose uniform is a obviously too tight.

HAIRY

It obviously doesn’t fit you. You are going to get all tangled and not do well in battle.

Isabella tries her best to mask her voice

ISABELLA

No, no. It’s is fine for me.

HAIRY

No way, that is way too lose. You’re going to get your sword all caught up in yer knickers.

Isabella is shocked and looks for a way out.

HAIRY

Just trade the shirts for a moment and you’ll see.

Hairy takes off his shirt and reveals a rough hairy body that shimmers with sweat in the night air.

HAIRY

Here, take mine.

Isabella grossed out loses her composure and in her normal voice yelps.

ISABELLA

No, that’s gross!

All of the men whip their heads around.

ISABELLA

Oops.

HAIRY

How come you sound like a lady?

All the soldiers come to attention and focus their energy onto Isabella. She slowly walks backwards unsure what to do.

HAIRY

Take off your helmet their kid? Who are you?

Isabella is done for and then…

DAMIAN (O.C.)

This way!

Damian is seated comfortably in one of the buckets of the catapults. He has removed his helmet.

Isabella without hesitation leaps out of the way of the Hairy Soldier and flings herself over to where Damian sits. She climbs into the bucket with him. The soldiers all stand in shock watching all of this unfold. Isabella turns to Damian.

ISABELLA

Wow. You really smell like pee.

Damian reaches over and slices the catapult rope sending them flying.

Damian and Isabella are projected over the castle moat. Their arms flailing int he air.

DAMIAN

Whoa!

Isabella lands perfectly and rolls on the ground. Isabella has a smooth landing. Damian smacks against the side of the castle and falls down a few feet.

DAMIAN

Ouch!

Isabella runs over to his aid. She picks him up.

ISABELLA

Are you okay?

DAMIAN

…I don’t know.

Suddenly arrows start landing on every side of them. They look up and see that Fortuna’s castle archers have started attacking them. They run and lean against the castle walls to avoid exposure to the arrows. Damian shouts up to Fortuna’s guards.

DAMIAN

It’s me! Damian!

The guards cease fire for a moment.

EXT. CASTLE BATTLEMENT

Two castle guards, Franky and Johnny, look over at Isabella and Damian.

FRANKY

It’s the middle of the night Damian. What are you doing down there?

JOHNNY

Cute girl you got there. What’s your name sweetie?

EXT. CASTLE WALL

Damian and Isabella see that Archibald’s men are moving into position.

DAMIAN

Can we get a shortcut inside today? There is a lot of trouble that is about to happen over there.

Damian points at the few men we can see moving a catapult into position.

EXT. CASTLE BATTLEMENT

Johnny looks out at Archibald’s men. Frank looks out too.

JOHNNY

That’s not good.

FRANK

Go wake the king.

Johnny runs off.

EXT. CASTLE WALL

Damian and Isabella wait patiently and then suddenly a rope drops down in front of them. Damian offers the rope.

DAMIAN

After you.

Isabella starts climbing up the rope and scaling the side of the castle. Damian follows closely behind her.

EXT. CASTLE BATTLEMENT

Isabella and Damian are moments from the battlement where Frank waits for them. Suddenly arrows start flying at them. Damian kicks his legs out like a windmill trying to block the arrows. He yells at the arrows.

DAMIAN

Stop it. Stop it!

Isabella grabs Frank hands and is pulled safely behind the battlement. Damian nearly a foot from the battlement takes and arrow in the arm. He loses his grip with that arm and is now left hanging on with one hand.

DAMIAN

OWWW!

Damian is quickly losing his grip. Then a series of hands grabs him by the soldier and pulls him up. It is a platoon of Fortuna’s soldiers in Blue. Damian is pulled into safety behind the battlement.

Damian and Isabella now safely behind the battlement look out on the inner castle. The entire castle population runs around preparing for battle.

A well dressed and handsome man, Peter the Great, followed by several young soldiers kneels down next to Damian and Isabella.

PETER THE GREAT

What are we looking at here?

Damian, winded, and bleeding from his arm, squeezes out the words.

DAMIAN

It’s Archibald. He has black flower.

ISABELLA

Black Powder.

PETER THE GREAT

What’s that?

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned from this assignment is… that suspense can be applied to a lot of scenes with a little added structure.

Suspense, they enter a burning village. Entering in through a side covered in flames we feel the danger of the fire. They see some kids trapped below a pile of burning wood sitting on the side of a house. There is no way in or out of the house. Damian thinks quickly and tosses a log into the rubbish blowing open a hole, a passageway to the kids. He jumps through the hole. He is now inside the burning hut with the villager children. The roof collapses behind him. A small pathway is the only way out.

Suddenly the mom appears next to Isabella. She is in a panic about her boys and is loud and inconsolable. She starts screaming, which gets the attention of the invaders in the distance. Isabella struggles to silence her as Damian grabs the kids in each arm and runs out of the burning home through the passageway he made. The passageway collapses after he gets through.

(I’ll be writing this scene this evening)

THE FIRE

EXT. DRY RIVER BED – NIGHT

Isabella guides Damian down a dry river bed. From their vantage point they can see most of the kingdom. Damian sees a fire starting in the distance.

DAMIAN

There!

Damian points in the distance toward the fire.

DAMIAN

Is that the farm lands!?

The fire gets bigger and bigger.

ISABELLA

Those lands can’t burn. That’s the food supply.

DAMIAN

Archibald wouldn’t dare burn the food would he?

They talk with all sense of urgency.

ISABELLA

Of course he would. He’s killing the kings food supply.

DAMIAN

We have to do something?

Damian starts running towards the fire, Isabella follows.

EXT. VILLAGE ON FIRE

Archibald’s MEN IN RED run through the town tossing torches on top of roof tops and into homes.

It is Chaos. Villagers are barely escaping with their lives as they are burned out of their homes. As the men in red tear through the village they are pushing, shoving and slashing swords at all of the locals of the village. The locals run scared in all directions.

EXT. VILLAGE HOME ON FIRE

Isabella and Damian run through a side of the village that is on fire, they are careful not to be noticed by the men in red. Isabella points inside of a hut on fire.

ISABELLA

Those are children in there.

Inside the hut the two children are scared and holding each other tightly screaming.

ISABELLA

What do we do?

Without thinking, Damian throws a large branch onto the side of the hut, blowing open a hole. He jumps in.

INT. BURNING HUT

Damian leaps inside of the burning home.

DAMIAN

It’s okay kids, I’m here to help.

Damian can barely see the kids through the black smoke.

DAMIAN POV- THROUGH BLURRY EYES DAMIAN CAN SEE THE TWO KIDS. THEN SUDDENLY AN IMAGE BEHIND THEM. IT’S A MAN IN RED.

DAMIAN

Great. More of you?

EXT. BURNING HUT

Isabella tries to get a visual on Damian inside the burning hut. Most of what she sees is waves of fire and fuzzy images inside the hut.

INT. BURNING HUT

Damian has trouble seeing through the smoke. He stays focused on the children as the MAN IN REDs double sided ax comes flying at him. The Man in Red’s grip is tight as the ax barely misses Damian. Damian can see clearly.

DAMIAN

There you are.

The ax is embedded in the ground. The MAN IN RED struggles to remove it.

Damian swings his sword around the back side of the man and it collides with his head sending the MAN IN RED down onto the back side of his ax. With the opposition dead, Damian turns his attention to the children who are now trapped behind a collapsed piece of lumber. Damian approaches the children and the lumber immediately catches fire. Damian stays focused and keeps his cool.

DAMIAN

Hang tight kids. I’m here to help… again.

Damian swings his sword up and down onto the fallen piece of lumber, and smashes it in half. He sheaths his sword and jumps over to where the children are.

DAMIAN

Wow It’s hot.

Damian is now standing in front of the children, he sees there dirt smudged faces and the panic they are feeling.

DAMIAN

Okay kids. Hold tight. We’re getting out of here.

Damian curls the kids up in his arms and walks out of sight.

EXT. BURNING HUT

Isabella watches in horror as the hut starts falling apart.

PANICKED MOTHER

My babies! My Babies are in there!

A panicked mother comes out of nowhere and makes Isabella jump.

PANICKED MOTHER

My babies!

The panicked mother falls to her knees.

ISABELLA

I know, My friend just went in there…

PANICKED MOTHER

What about my kids?

ISABELLA

…um, I was hoping he was coming out…

Suddenly there is quiet. The Fires blaze. Both the panicked mother on her knees and Isabella stand in silence watching the hut burn as pieces of wood fall off the hut in flames.

Then suddenly.

IN SLOW MOTION – MUSIC PLAYS A SLOW SAD AND TRIUMPHANT PIANO –

SLOW MOTION – THROUGH THE FIRE AND BLACK SMOKE WE SEE A DARK SHADOWY IMAGE CRAWLING ON HIS KNEES. THE IMAGE STARTS TO EMERGE FROM THE ONE HOLE IN THE HUT, THE IMAGE STRUGGLES TO CRAWL UNDER A BURNING LOG.

DISSOLVE TO:

Through the fire and black smoke, Damian holds the children tight, he is barely conscious and coughing. Isabella grabs him by the collar and pulls him and the children away from the fire.

CHILDREN

Mommy!

The children pull themselves out of Damian’s arms and run to their moms arms.

PANICKED MOTHER

Oh babies!

They hug and the mother kisses the tops of their heads. The Mother pulls them away form the fire. The mother yells to Isabella.

PANICKED MOTHER

Your friend is a hero!

Isabella struggles to pull Damian far from the fire and into the darkness.

EXT. DARKNESS OF THE FOREST AWAY FORM THE FIRE

Isabella helps Damian recover. She can’t drag him any further and they both lay limp on the ground.

ISABELLA

Damian!

Isabella forces water into his mouth and pulls him upright to help him breath.

ISABELLA

Damian, I thought I lost you.

Damian breaths in deep and regains his consciousness.

DAMIAN

We need to go back. There’s more villagers in there. Livestock, the farm lands…

Damian struggles to get to his feet. Isabella pulls him down.

ISABELLA

No, you need to rest. That was dangerous, you almost died. I almost lost you.

DAMIAN

There are more lives in this mess, we need to help wherever we can…wait, YOU almost lost ME?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Mark Doddy.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Mark Doddy.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned form this assignment is that … building emotion into a scene is best when you have sympathetic characters and bad guys who are not.

INT. ARCHIBALD’S DUNGEON – NIGHT
ISABELLA is tossed into the dungeon. The large metal doors are slammed behind her. As she lay beaten on the ground she looks up and see some light cracking through some bars on the window of her cell. Frank and Dave stand over her.
ISABELLA
I don’t understand? Why are you doing this?
Isabella dust herself off. One of the guards in red, Frank, speaks up.
FRANK
You’re lucky to be alive little girl. You just sit tight and we’ll get Archibald to finish off his business with you.
ISABELLA
I’ve done nothing wrong!
Isabella takes a breath for a moment and calms down.
ISABELLA
Do you guys like cake? Let me out and I can make a really good cake?
The men laugh at her joke and then clean up their laughter and get back to looking attentive and serious.

Isabella

Soup?

Frank

We don’t know why you are here, but you must have done something wrong to be here. We’re just doing our job, okay Isabella?

Isabella

Yeah I get it. Soup is bland. I’ll make you cake.

The men laugh with her.

INT. ARCHIBALD’S ROYAL COURT – NIGHT
Candle lit we see Archibald’s court. A large room in his castle where normally there would be dinners and party’s but for now Archibald sits alone chewing on some kind of game meat. One of his Advisers, Calvin, approaches.
CALVIN
Sire.
Archibald picks at a piece of meat in his teeth.
ARCHIBALD
Speak.
CALVIN
We have her sire. She is in the dungeon and awaits your next move.
Archibald turns to BEATRICE, his cruel adviser, her twisted nose and dark eyes reveal years of cruel intentions.
BEATRICE
This is your chance. Show the king you mean business, slice of her ear, an arm or something more personal… and send it to the king. Prove to him that you are strong enough to fight him and his army.

Calvin steps in.
CALVIN
You should keep her here and draw out the king and his men. Kill him on your terms, on your land.
ARCHIBALD
I don’t know. Are we strong enough to fight the king? On his land?
BEATRICE
Not only are you strong enough to fight the king, you have enough of an army to kill him in his home, in his bed, in his throne, in front of his men.
She laughs evilly to herself.
CALVIN
Sire, it is an unnecessary risk to go to his castle. Send him a message and draw him out.
Archibald thinks for a moment and then waves his finger in the air.
ARCHIBALD (COMMANDING VOICE)
Men let’s go. I will make my decision at her cell.
BEATRICE
Time is of the essence. Take her ear and send it to the king.
Beatrice hands Archibald a finely carved dagger with a creatively carved handle.
BEATRICE
Use this, it is blessed with the power of your elders. Take her ear and send a message.
Archibald stares at the knife i her hands and thinks. He rejects the knife and pushes it away.
INT. DUNGEON
Isabella takes in her situation. From the ground she looks up and sees the window above her and sees the several metal bars that sit between her and freedom.
ISABELLA
You guys busy up there?
The two guards stare off into space and avoid looking back at her.
ISABELLA
Can either of you read? I could really use a bed time story right now?
Dave looks back at her and giggles a little. She continues joking with them as she studies the window.
ISABELLA
Do you know the one about humpty dumpty? I here it has a tragic ending but makes for a great story.
She pulls herself up a little and looks outside the window.
ISABELLA
Hey! At least I have a view from here! Look at all that horse shit.
Frank starts laughing.
INT. ARCHIBALD’S CASTLE HALLWAY
Archibald travels the hallway on his way to the dungeon, followed by two guards, and Beatrice and Calvin. Beatrice sharpens the knife. Archibald is annoyed. He yells as Beatrice.

THE MUSIC STARTS BEING TENSE WITH A STRONG RHYTHMIC DRUM.
ARCHIBALD
Will you stop!
Beatrice stops sharpening the blade.
ARCHIBALD
Must you incessantly sharpen that blade!
BEATRICE
The sharper the blade the quicker it is done.
Archibald stops to scold her.
ARCHIBALD
I still haven’t decided what I am going to do.
Beatrice lightly brushes her hand on the side of Archibald’s face.
BEATRICE
You do what is best for you.
An almost magical presence comes over Archibald.

THE MUSIC TURNS MYSTICAL AND THE CAMERA ANGLES HAVE A DUTCH TILT.

BEATRICE
Ruling this land is what you are born to do.
Archibald stares off. Calvin is annoyed at Beatrice’s actions, that are obviously some kind of spell.

BEATRICE
You’ll get to rule over everything, but first you need to take King Fortuna’s power away.
Calvin has had enough. He slaps Beatrice’s wrist out of the way.
CALVIN
That’s enough you old hag!
Archibald awakes from his trance and Beatrice cowers away and hisses at Calvin.
CALVIN
Sire, you have a young lady to torture. Can we go now?
Archibald regains consciousness. Archibald swings his finger in the air in a commanding way.
ARCHIBALD
Let’s go!
Archibald starts marching with his platoon of men down the hall. Beatrice takes up the rear wincing from the pain on her slapped wrist.
INT. DUNGEON
Isabella studies the room and the horse outside the window. She sees a rope dangling form one of the horses. See starts formulating a plan.
ISABELLA
Would either of you gentlemen have a shred of decency and get a lady a tall glass of mead. This dungeon is like an oven. A really stinky old oven, with like moldy…
Isabella looks around.
ISABELLA
…Old moldy feet?
She looks down at the ground and sees a little puddle.
ISABELLA
It seems there has been a lot of wet feet right here, or is that pee? Gross.
The Guard laughs.
ISABELLA
Please guys, just a little something. I’m parched.
FRANK
I’ll get her some mead.
Frank shakes his head as he walks away.
DAVE
Sorry Isabella, we’re just doing our job.
Isabella sighs.
ISABELLA
Oh? Your job is to lock up young ladies? Great, what other perks do you get.
Isabella watches carefully as Frank heads up the stairs to an upper level.
ISABELLA
Do you also get to steal form little old ladies?
Once Frank is out of sight, Isabella draws Dave’s sword and knocks him on the head with the butt of the sword.
ISABELLA
I’m sorry Dave. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I can’t stay here.
Isabella turns around and looks towards the window.
INT. DUNGEON ENTRANCE
Archibald and his platoon approach a guard who sits with his feet up. He sees Archibald and flips his body to attention.
DUNGEON GUARD
Sire!
The guard fumbles for his keys and opens a gate letting Archibald and the men into the Dungeon area. As Beatrice passes the guard she cast a spell that puts him back to sleep.
INT. DUNGEON
Isabella has a hold of the rope that is dangling from a horse outside the cell.
ISABELLA
Come here George. This is gonna hurt a little okay?
George, the horse, Nays.
GEORGE (HORSE VOICE)
Neigh!
BEGIN CROSS-CUTTING MONTAGE
INT. DUNGEON ENTRANCE
Archibald and his men march towards the Dungeon.
INT. DUNGEON
Isabella wraps the rope around the bars.
INT. DUNGEON ENTRANCE
Archibald holds Calvin back so he can lead the men.
INT. DUNGEON
Isabella ties the rope around a bar and into a knot.
INT. DUNGEON ENTRANCE
Beatrice is still in the rear of the approaching soldiers as she sharpens her blade. Archibald waves his hand in Beatrice’s direction and then puts his finger to his lips.
ARCHIBALD
Shh. That’s enough.
EXT. DUNGEON EXTERIOR- NIGHT
George, the horse, pulls at the rope tied to his saddle. He is doing nothing and is getting frantic.
INT. DUNGEON ENTRANCE
Archibald enters the winding staircase leading to the dungeon.
INT. DUNGEON
Isabella watches as George the horse struggles to pull the bars apart.
ISABELLA (SIGHS)
Okay George. I’m sorry for this.
INT. DUNGEON ENTRANCE
Archibald goes down the staircase getting closer to the Dungeon.
INT. DUNGEON
Isabella takes a deep breath and then yells loudly to George.
ISABELLA
OH NO! LOOK GEORGE A MOUSE!
EXT. DUNGEON
George leaps in the air and runs away with all of his might and full speed. The rope yanks at the bars and pulls apart most of the wall of the dungeon. The wall of the floor above the dungeon collapses and an older woman there is changing. She let’s out a Wilhelm scream!
WOMAN IN HER UNDERWEAR
Argh! What happened to my wall!
INT. DUNGEON – NIGHT
Isabella squeezes through the rubble. She is still holding Dave’s sword.
EXT. DUNGEON
Isabella slips out of the collapsed dungeon wall and calms down George.
ISABELLA
I’m sorry George, there is no Mouse sweetie. Sorry buddy.
She pets George’s nose to calm him down.
ISABELLA (CONT)
Unfortunately we really need to go old buddy. You saved me, but we need to get out of here.
Isabella leaps onto Georges saddled back and they ride off.
END CROSS-CUTTING MONTAGE
INT. DUNGEON
Archibald runs down the stairs to look at the rubble that was formerly his dungeon. His platoon of men fan out and check out the scene.
CALVIN
Sorry sire, it looks like she escaped.
Archibald puts his face in his hand.
ARCHIBALD
No Shit.
BEATRICE
This wouldn’t of happened if you had taken her ear.
ARCHIBALD
How? How the hell was taking her ear going to prevent her from collapsing half of my castle wall? How the fuck was this to be prevented if she didn’t have a fucking ear?
Beatrice mumbles to herself.
BEATRICE(MUMBLES)
I’m just saying that maybe we could have made up our mind a little faster and taken care of things earlier…
Frank comes down with a cup of mead and bread, he hasn’t noticed the destruction yet.
FRANK
… and one cup of mead and I got a little bread, if it’s gonna be your last meal it might as well be a good one.
Frank suddenly notices half the wall of the castle is gone and Archibald and his men are all standing around the debris.
FRANK
Uh oh?
Frank immediately looks towards the unconscious Dave.
FRANK
It’s all his fault.
Frank swigs a big gulp of the mead.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned form this assignment is… twist don’t have to be mind blowing like M. Night Shyamalan. Twist can be applied all over a script with just a little thought and some solid structure. I did find this exercise difficult and it took me a while to do it.

Identity or Plan Exposed ============ Identity Hidden

Our Hero Damian is the most likely to win at the tournaments. Everyone cheers him on and he is favored in every event, And then the mystery knight shows up and gives Damian great competition.

Damian defeats the mystery knight in a duel and then the kingdom cheers to have her exposed. She says “You are in great danger”, he reaches to take off her helmet and she says “Don’t do it.” He is stunned and watches in shock as she stands up and turns around, takes the money and leaves.

Deceived ====================== Surprising Truth

Archibald praises Damian for his skill and says he has been a good student. Then later that night Archibald and his men attack Damian and attempt to capture him and lock him in the dungeon.

Plan Succeeds ==== Plan Fails

In the fight to capture Damian, Damian has a blade to Archibald’s neck. Archibald begs for mercy so Damian grants it to him. Archibald then immediately has his men over take Damian and knock him out.

Protected =====Attacked

Our Hero’s seem safe in a cave for the night as they get intimate. Then they are woken up by an ambush of Archibald’s men. Using only the tools of nature available to them they defeat the platoon of soldiers.

Support =====Threat

Searching for help, Damian and Isabella go to an old friend, “Brice the brave”, who gives them several old weapons. During the time they stay to clean up the weapons and reshape them, Brice leaves. He returns with more of Archibald’s soldiers, he has turned them in! They run off after collapsing Bruce’s shack of a home on top of Archibald’s soldiers, temporarily trapping them in the rubble as they ride off on horseback.

Plan Fails ========================Plan Succeeds

Damian and Isabella fought some knights and are heading towards safety until they see a fire behind them in the distance. They can’t watch the farm and the village burn and turn back to go help. There is more of Archibald’s knights there ready to attack them. They help the villagers while fighting the antagonist knights and then they escape on horse back.

Lost Resources ================= New Resources

At the castle walls, Archibald’s men are preparing the catapults. Disguise as Archibald’s “men in red” Damian and Isabella begin disabling the catapults. On the last few they are caught, so Damian and Isabella use a catapult to fling out of danger and Damian slams himself against the castle walls.

Unexpected Weapon ============= Surprising Response

Betrayal ======================= Surprising Alliance

On their way to the kings chambers Damian is trapped by a huge man with a mace waiting in the hallway. With no where to go Damian prepares to fight. Out of nowhere an arrow hits the man directly in the head, it’s Brice the Brave! Thanks to Brice, Damian can advance the hallway.

Attacked ====================== Protected

The King, beaten and almost defeated, is given the moments before death to beg for his life, and then, out of nowhere, Isabella kicks Archibald out of the window, sending him to his death on the bottom of the castle walls.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned from this assignment is… a sympathetic character does not have to always have loss or even do likable things. There are many categories that make a hero likable or sympathetic.

Likability/Lovability –

1. We see our hero, Damian take Mercy on the mystery knight he defeats in a tournament, instead of revealing her like the kingdom wants he lets her escape like she is begging to do.

2. When the kidnap is attempted, Damian doesn’t kill Archibald’s men, and his moment of mercy in turn leads to him being locked in a dungeon.

3. Damian is a somewhat bubbly and light-hearted personality who doesn’t want to kill anyone, Damian is very fun, humorous and likable who likes to look at the bright side of things when possible.

Empathy / Distress

1. Damian doesn’t know why Archibald’s men are attacking him and even though he is careful not to kill them he is locked in a dungeon.

2. Damian doesn’t know he is the kings illegitimate son and is being chased by Archibald although he doesn’t know the true story.

Justification

1. The King is a good king and it is honorable for a knight to defend him.

2. Archibald is using dirty tricks to try and become king and should be stopped.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned doing this assignment is… that Villain, Action and Mission tracks each have separate moments they need to achieve and they work well to build upon each-other to strengthen a story.

ACT 1- Opening – Medieval Tournament – Archibald plans to take over the kingdom using the kings secret Illegitimate son, Damian, as a bargaining chip, but Damian with the aide of a Chambermaid Isabella escape the dungeon and hide in a cave in the forest.

A1 – Our Hero Damian engages in multiple tournament battles proving how good he is

M1 – A mystery knight enters the Tournament and wins.

V1 – Archibald is pretend friendly with the king and states that he can keep secret the kings connection to Damian.

V1 – Archibald vows to take over the kingdom. Archibald captures Damian and locks him in the dungeon. He is planning to use him as a bargaining chip to draw the king out and steal his crown , their by ruling the kingdom.

M2 – Isabella breaks Damian out of the dungeon.

A2 – They fight and have to escape into the forest.

M3 – Isabella and Damian find a cave to hide for the night. Isabella reveals she has a mysterious past but to change the subject she gets intimate with Damian. They spend the knight next to a campfire together.

V2 – Archibald swears to kill everyone – The king, his illegitimate son Damian and anyone that disagrees with him, including killing on of his own advisors. Archibald sends some of his best soldiers into the forest to find and kill Damian.

ACT 2- Archibald raises the stakes – When Damian and Isabella defeat Archibald’s ambush, Archibald decides to awaken his army and prematurely begins his assault on the kings castle, including attacking innocent villagers.

M4 – Awaken from their night together Damian and Isabella are ambushed by Archibald’s men in the cave.

A3 – Damian and Isabella are amazing fighters and defeat Archibald’s men using their limited weapons and weapons among nature (i.e. – campfire, tree branches being stretched back as impromptu weapons, and parkour skills running up the sides of the cave, etc)

V3 – Archibald enraged by Damian and Isabella’s defeat of his men, decides he is going to wake up his troops and start his assault on the kings castle that night in the middle of the night before Damian can warn the king.

A4 – Archibald’s troops head towards the King’s castle with an armory of catapults and archers. They start a fire at a village on their way through.

A5 – Damian and Isabella turn back to save the villagers from the fire. They are caught in a battle between themselves, the villagers they are trying to save and Archibald’s men.

M5 – Out numbered and out gunned Damian and Isabella take to horse back and run off to the king’s castle.

ACT 3 – The King is in danger. Archibald’s men attack the kings castle as Damian and Isabella struggle to get inside and warn the King and help him defeat Archibald and they reveal their own dark secrets to each other.

V5 – Archibald rounds up his troops just outside the castle hidden in the forest.

M6 – Damian and Isabella disguise as Archibald’s men and disable as much of their armory as possible.

V6/A6 – Archibald launches his attack on the castle.

M7 – Damian and Isabella launch themselves over the moat and next to the castle walls.

V7 – Archibald, growing impatient with his men’s attack, leads a battalion to tear down the draw-bridge and break into the castle.

M8 – Damian and Isabella scale the castle walls and find their way to the king to warn him that it is Archibald attacking the king. The King recognizes Isabella as one of Archibald’s victims. She opens up about her vow to kill Archibald.

A7/V7 – Archibald is at the kings door. Archibald battles the king to near death. Isabella shoves Archibald out the window to his death.

M9 – As the King’s last dying words he names Damian the successor of the kingdom as his only living heir. Archibald’s men surrender to Damian.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned from this assignment is that leaving some facts or structure to be ambiguous is okay, as you keep writing and rewriting more ideas come and build on your previous ideas. Writing is rewriting and this is fun.

Act 1 – The hero is captured and with an ally he escapes is now on the run. The villain’s plans are thwarted so he decides to launch his attack to steal his throne early.

Act 2- The Hero’s are constantly attacked and are getting ore and more beat up every battle. They eventually have to get on horses and run to warn the king.

Act 3 – It’s too late to warn the king of his friends betrayal. The Villain is attacking the King’s castle and the hero’s attempt to get in to save the king. All of the action is resolved when all three parties fight each other. Leaving the villain dead.

Opening- A competition amongst Squires has the best young men fighting each other- it is clear that our hero, Damian, who is a mixed race, is a strong and skilled squire and almost good enough to be a knight. A mystery knight wins the competition and Damian, our hero is defeated, he is honorable & humble about his defeat.. The mystery knight will not reveal herself. During the competition the King talks to his good friend Archibald about how his illegitimate son, Damain’s training is coming along. His friend Archibald assures him his secret connection to Damian will remain his secret. And both men are intrigued by the mystery knight who takes “his” winnings and leaves. Fans are disappointed that the knight didn’t reveal herself as she rides off.

Inciting Incident – Archibald thinks the kingdom is rightfully his and has raised an army through aggressive murderous fear tactics., demonstrated by the way he treats his men. A chambermaid, Isabella is watching his actions as she cleans chamber pots.

In order to eliminate the kings heir, Archibald attacks Damian in the middle of the knight in a great brawl that ends up with Archibald getting injured and Damian getting shoved into the dungeon while Archibald gets attention to his deadly wound. Archibald decides to use Damian as a bargaining chip to lure the king out and steal his crown.

First Turning Point – Damian is surprisingly broken out of the Dungeon by the chambermaid, Isabella. Damain and Isabella fight their way past a few castle guards and escape into the forest.

Mid-Point- Isabella and Damian have a quite night together in a cave. Isabella is secretive about her past but they agree they want to protect the king, for duty and honor. There is more to both of their stories. However Isabella doesn;t want to reveal her past and in order to distract Damian, Isabella seduces him as she cleans his wounds. Isabella offers to keep Damian warm during the cold night and they lay together. They are woken up in the middle of the night by Isabella, who yells to Damian that they are being ambushed. They fend off the men in a tremendous violent cave battle where both Damian and Isabella demonstrate their diverse use of weaponry. And sustain some more painful cuts and bruises. After they defeat all of the men, our hero’s start hiking onward in the middle of the night toward the castle.

Second Turning Point – Archibald is enraged and decides it’s time to wake up his troops and begin the attack on the king, despite differing opinions from one of his few advisors. He pushes the advisor out of a window to his death. “Anyone else have any ideas?”.

Meanwhile Damian and Isabella come across a burning village and help the villagers escape and save a child from a buring hut. They are again cornered by Archibald’s men in the backdrop of a burning medieval village. This time Archibald’s men are heavily armed with archers and axe wielding men. Our hero’s get into a violent bow and arrow shoot out with axe wielding men and a barrage of arrows. Isabella Our hero’s learn from the attackers that Archibald is getting an attack ready and closing in on the king that night! And his troops may already be nearing the castle while the fire draws castle troops away. Damian and Isabella are outgunned and outmanned, they decide to run.

Crisis – Being outnumbered Damian and Isabella jump on horseback and make their escape out of a field of arrows and soldiers and through the remains of a burning village. As they ride they realize they are wearing signifiers that they are with Archibald and need to change because the King’s men are attacking them too. They head towards the king’s castle to warn him.

Pre-Climax – As our hero’s approach the castle they can see that Archibald’s troops have already wheeled up catapults and are hiding them in the forest outside the castle along with a group of exhausted soldiers as the moonlight shines. Isabella and Damian knock out a few men and put on their uniforms. They manage to disable several catapults, until they are caught and they use the last catapult to fly over the moat to the bottom of the castle. Isabella goes first and lands in the moat just shy of the castle. Damian however hits the side of the castle hard and is pretty beat up. Within moments of this, Archibald leads the command to attack the castle. As the King’s castle guards start seeing what is going on, they see many of Archibald’s men are running into the castle whose drawbridge is down from the fire. The bridge is being pulled up, which violently kills any men aboard. Archibald’s catapults start firing off fireballs but the disabled catapults start falling apart and the fireballs roll after Archibald’s men, killing many. There is a large army outside of the castle now. Archibald’s is frustrated with how slow his men are getting access to the castle so he leads a group of men to throw ropes over and are able to pull down the drawbridge again, and Archibald himself goes inside. Meanwhile Isabella and Damian, climb their way up the quieter side of the castle using rope. They sneak around the castle, choosing to knock out any castle guards and not killing them.

Resolution/Climax- Inside of the castle Archibald, Damian and Isabella all arrive at the King’s door. The King, his most inner soldiers, Damian and Isabella end up in a brutal brawl inside the king’s chambers. The King recognizes Isabella as the princess of a rival in China. Isabella says she wants one mans blood, Archibald. The King is a strong fighter and face to face with Archibald they both are seriously wounded and lay dying. Without hesitation Damian and Isabella lift up Archibald and throws HIM out the window to his death where he lands in the burning shrub below. Isabella spits out at his body, this makes Damian have a cute dimpled smile.

The King with his last energy announces that the Kingdom has won, causing many of the men to drop their sword sin surrender. The King announces his last living heir, Damian- the boy who is to be king! The kingdom cheers and the opposition surrenders.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz Assignment 5

What I learned from this lesson is – I like the tips for the “types of action”. This really helps to borrow from the structure and really build a series of actions. I really liked this exercise.

A. Considering the concept from Lesson 1, what action could naturally show up in this movie? – Sword fights, lots of non stop medieval sword fights.

B. Considering the Mission and Villain Tracks, what action could work for this track?

The Villain is essentially always chasing the hero.

C. How can the action start well, build in the 2nd Act, and escalate to a climax in the 3rd Act?

The 1^st act the hero breaks out of a dungeon and in the 2^nd act the hero is chased by the villain and finally they will fight in the 3^rd act.

Brainstorm and action track :

Competition- We open with the Hero in a friendly knight joust and competition. We see the highlights of an all day event.

Opening with a fight sequence – The Hero is attacked in the middle of the knight and he fights off Archibald’s and his men, injuring Archibald and getting himself shoved into a dungeon.

Rescue- Damian, our hero is broken out of a dungeon

Escape/Evade – Sword battle – Damian and Isabella fight the knight guards and escape into the forest

Violence- The knight guards are tortured by the cruel Archibald for letting them go. He kills his own men and sends his best to capture them.

Fight and Escape – While on the run Damian and Isabella are cornered by Archibald’s men and fight and defeat all of them,

Dangerous Situations – A village is burned and this causes Damian and Isabella to investigate. They are again cornered and fight the men and free whoever they can , then they have a bow and arrow shoot- out from the trees with the men that have burned the forest.

Chase – Isabella and Damian get on horses and head towards the castle chased by a series of knights. Using Spears they is a joust fight and then a horse back riding sword fight.

Escape/Evade- Dangerous situation – At the death of their favorite horse Damian and Isabella sneak into the castle on foot and are able to disable some of Archibald’s catapults and in disguise wreak havoc on the inside lines of Archibald’s attack.

Shoot out – In the midst of Archibald’s Marauders Damian and Isabella sneak into the castle and make their way to the king at the same time Archibald’s men reach the king.

Final Fight – Archibald’s and his few men are defeated by the Kings men and Damian and Isabella. Archibald and the king are left fighting each other in a final dual, both will die from their wounds, Archibald first. As the King dies he names Domain his successor.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned doing this assignment is: A Villain is a complex character and not just an archetypal character. Yes, they are bad, but why? And I really liked writing the “tracks”. That helped me really brainstorm and boil down the villains steps.

Hero- Damian, the squire, AKA the boy

Hero- Isabella, the secret background chamber maid

Villain – Sir Archibald, self proclaimed greatest Knight ever

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ASSIGNMENT:

A. What might be the Villain’s plan to accomplish an evil outcome or to annihilate the hero?

Hunt down and kill the Hero Damian after he has escaped from the dungeon.

B. How many ways can the Villain attack or destroy the hero?- Sending all of his men after Damian doesn’t work, he has to draw him out so he burns a local village down destroying civilians homes. Then he attacks the kings castle and directly goes to kill the king.

C. What advantage does the Villain have and how can they exploit that in this movie? – The Villain has an army at his disposal and is enslaving more soldiers.

D. What would be a “fitting end” for this Villain where they pay for what they’ve done? – He is killed by the king and then finished off by Damian, the Hero who has foiled his plan.

Villain Track – Version 2 Plan, before Damian and Isabella discovered Archibalds plan, Archibald would have killed the king and ruled the kingdom.

Deception – The Villain, Sir Archibald, has played the long game. He is friends with the king and training his illegitimate son, a squire. But Archibald wants the kingdom to his own and with no true Heirs to the kingdom (illegitimate sons need not apply), Archibald can take the crown for himself.

<b class=””>A simple plan just got easier or did it? – Archibald sends his men out into the kingdom to read a decree that Archibald will be the new king and will be taking over the kingdom by nightfall. By way of the sword Archibald’s men order obedience or death as they go from village to village and they kill any opposition. Archibald claims – “A trail of blood will fix most of the kingdoms problems.” In the distance the scullery maid, Isabella, hears that Archibald decided to kill the king and the boy. Damian, he has locked up in a dungeon. So she gets the horses to destroy the dungeon and break Damian free from the dungeon.

To crush a bug – Archibald wants to use the Kings Young son, Damian, as a hostage and use him to take the kingdom for his own. Only Archibald has underestimated the young squire. When Archibald goes down to the dungeon to kill Damian he discovers he is gone and is enraged with anger. Archibald says “I was trying to do it the nice way. The nice way isn’t working. We will Kill the child and kill the king.” Having escaped the dungeon and swimming a dangerous moat, Damian and Isabella head into the forest. Where Isabella has stashed a few weapons of her own, an old sword and a bow and arrow. Damian is unaware of Isabella’s role and why she broke him out. Archibald commands his troops to focus on finding and killing Damian, which includes doing controlled burns trying to draw Damian out. It works. Damian is drawn out because of a village fire. Him and Isabella struggle to save the lives of the villagers and their children. Damian is cornered and he attacks the pursuers and outwits and out-battles them with the help of Isabella who also shows signs of being highly skilled in combat. Damian says “Pretty good for a scullery maid. I never thought someone who cleans chamber pots could swing a sword like that. “ as they stand over the dead bodies, Isabella responds “I’m glad he’s gone. His chamber pot was particularly nasty.”

The next morning after a romantic encounter, Damian and Isabella are attacked. They fight off a dozen men.

Stop the King from fighting back – Archibald will now head to the kings castle and he will decimate the castle and kill the king. He approaches with a powerful arsenal of catapults, soldiers and archers during the dark of knight. Isabella disguises as one of the men and disables their fire catapults, while Damian distracts them and warns the king with fireworks. The broken fireball equipped catapults are launched and fall apart causing Archibald’s men great losses. In anger, Archibald picks up his sword and leads a group that pull down the castle’s draw bridge while Isabella and Damian Catapult themselves inside the castle walls. Now, Damian, Isabella and Archibald all are fighting the kings men in a race to get to the King’s door.

Corner the King – a fitting end for a villain – With Isabella and Damian knocking out guards on their way to the king they are unknowingly, clearing the way for Archibald, and leading him directly to the kings door. Archibald is quick to take him but the king is tough and fights Archibald until the death. As Archibald is dying, the King reveals that Isabella was a princess captured from a battle in China by his men and he grants her freedom. Assumed dead, Archibald leaps up with his last bit of murderous energy and Archibald attempts to kill Damian, but Damian gets the upper hand on Archibald and the King is able to place a last deadly blow towards Archibald, killing him. With his last breath the King screams out to his kingdom from the highest point in the castle and declares Archibald dead and Damian as his successor. Isabella looks around at all the death and destruction and asks “what do we do now.” Damian responds “Rebuild.”

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned form this assignment is that – A strong antagonist forces a writer to have a strong hero.

A. What is it about this Hero that will have them go straight into the face of the overwhelming odds? – Our Hero Damian respects the king’s position, and he wants the respect of a father/king who doesn’t recognize Damian as his son but treats him badly and sends him off to train under another knight.

B. What is the mission that would be an impossible goal? Fight off the best trained knights in the kingdom, and get into the castle to warn a king who wants nothing to do with our hero.

C. What strong internal and external motivation could drive the hero? A duty to the king, and a desire for Damian to prove his worth to his father.

D. Imagine that mission playing out across a story. What could naturally happen if this hero went on this mission against this villain? – Damian has to fight an army of Knights and medieval soldiers just to escape the dungeon and then has to fight even more to get to the kings castle and save the king from a rebellion.

Basic Mission Steps

Escape – Damian must escape Archibald’s dungeon/prison. Archibald hopes to hold Damian as a bargaining chip against the king. (Damian needs to play up that he is valuable to the king although he knows he is not)

Clear Mission – Break out of the dungeon and get to the king.

Motivation – His father’s the king and his throne is being threatened by his close friend and Damian’s keeper, Archibald.

Inciting Incident – Damian is attacked and imprisoned by Archibald’s Knights during the knight.

First Action – Escape the dungeon to warn the king of Archibald’s plot

Obstacle – How to escape a dungeon = commanding the horses to break him free. how to get to the king = fight his way out of the dungeon and Archibald’s castle and through the deep forest to warn the king.

Escalating – More and more soldiers confront Damian. Damian has no idea how good of a fighter he is until he is confronted with no choice but to fight each knight. He is a natural warrior.

Overwhelming Odds – Archibald and his men are the best trained and skilled men in the kingdom.

New Plan – Travel light and fight smarter not harder. Damian’s biggest advabtage is that he is faster. Damian’s plan is to lay booby traps, build a layer of fire, command horses, use water dams, and finally a series of catapults to stop Archibald and his men.

Full out Attack – Damian discovers how good he is at fighting and fights his way through Archibald’s men and then carefully knocks out the Kings men to warn the king, while laying a series of traps to slow down his enemy.

Success – Letting Archibald and the king fight each other to the death in order to prove Archibald is a traitor; Damian steps in to make sure Archibald is dead and then the King gives Damian the crown.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

HI All, my name is Mark Dotz, I have written 5 unfinished scripts (Zombie, Vampire, Dragon Boat Comedy, Heart Warming Monster Movie, Travel Log Comedy) with two of those ready to to finalize. The other threeI want to revisit after a few more classes.

I want to learn action, and try to create a script that has non-stop movement, non-stop action as best that I can. I am more of a comedy fan but I feel creatively it is best to stretch as much as possible.

I am hoping to really grasp the idea of action as a pace in a script so that my other scripts can have more compelling action within their drama or comedy structures. We can’t all write “Atlanta Burns” and expect gone with the wind.

I own and travel in a skoolie, a refurbished school bus and plan to go full time traveling and writing with my three little kids and wife in about a. year or two.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz

What I learned from this assignment is that having a strong villain challenges your hero to have to be stronger.

Concept: A plot to steal the king’s throne is to be carried out within the week from his favorite knight. The only one that can stop him is his illegitimate son, a knight in training who has to battle a hoard of soldiers to reach his father and stop the mutiny.

Concept:

Hero Morally right: Damian, the kings illegitimate, mixed race and abandoned son, is trying to save the kings life and his own against the marauders working for his traitor and best knight Archibald.

Villian Morally Wrong: Archibald in an attempt to seize more power is building an army to kill the king and still the throne.

Hero:

A. Unique skill set- Damian is a natural fighter, the son of a great king, he hasn’t finished his training to be come a knight but his skills are unmatched by anyone in the kingdom.

B. Motivation – To save his father, the King, from an army of traitors.

C. Secret or Wound – Damian is the illegitimate son of the king and the king wants nothing to do with him.

Villain:

A. Puts Hero in Action – Damian is not quite a knight but has to fight hundreds marauders and reach a king who wants nothing to do with him.

B. Demands – Damian must go beyond his basic training and has never been in real combat. He must fight knights and an army of marauders and eventually the kings men without hurting the kings men (if possible).

[Mark Doddy]

Mark Dotz – Conventions

What I learned from this Assignment is – 1) The ordinary man doesn’t work for high impact action 2)Highly skilled or naturally skilled soldiers make the best protagonist in an action script 3) Your will make many drafts so don’t get plagued with perfection

“Road to the King”

In a medieval world, Damian, the Kings bastard son is sent to train to become a warrior with Archibald, the kings favorite soldier and self proclaimed “greatest knight of all time”. However, Archibald attempts to murder Damian and lead his army of Marauders to claim the kings throne. Only Archibald underestimates Damian who survives the attack, and badly wounds Archibald. Damian journeys back to his father to warn him but he is endlessly confronted by Archibald’s Marauders in an action-packed battle after battle. Eventually Damian is forced to fight a battle on two fronts, one is to get to the king and past his men without killing them (Cold-coking soldier after soldier in battle) and the second front he needs to fend of the impending marauders of Archibald’s army.In the end proving that he is the rightful true heir of the kingdom.

Hero – Damian, the kings bastard son

Demand for Action -Damian not only has to endlessly battle to stay alive against a secret army of marauders but he also finds himself fighting his own allies in order to save the king.

Mission – Defend himself against an underground medieval army and save the king from being dethroned.

Antagonist – Archibald, the self proclaimed “greatest knight of all time” Escalating Action – First Archibald and his assassins and then an army of marauders and then a kings army that he can’t kill but has to knock out if possible.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Mark Doddy.

[Mark Doddy]

Mark J. Doddy (Mark Dotz)

I agree to the terms of this release form.

As a member of this group, I agree to the following:

1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.

2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.

I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.

3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.

4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.

5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.

6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.

[Mark Doddy]

Want to partner up to read each others work? – I too picked Horror, although most of mine for the sake of this exercise will be PG-13.
Mark

[Mark Doddy]

Please write an outline for “circus summers” screenplay. That sounds amazing and marketable!

Dotz

[Mark Doddy]

Hi, I am also a big traveler and I own a refurbished school bus called a skoolie. We traveled with our 2 small kids while my wife was pregnant ver the summer last year for about 90 days. Before that I never took more than 1 week off and I worked during that honeymoon remotely 3 of those days… I know, I’m terrible.

Mark

[Mark Doddy]

Hi , I wanted to find you on linkedin. Is this you? Let’s get in the same network. I am in the same range with my shorts and I have produced a bunch of low budget stuff.

http://www.deborahkurtzcasting.com/cgi-sys/suspendedpage.cgi

[Mark Doddy]

You sound like you have some great stories to tell.

[Mark Doddy]

First off, congrats on taking time to realize your dream of writing at any age. I like how you are honest about your ability as a writer and how science tents to make things sterile when it comes to creativity. I would highly suggest you take Hal’s class on the Profound screenplay. It really helps to create subtext.