[Mark Roeder]

Request for Exchange:

Hi. Would anyone like to exchange feedback on the Profound Map?

Thank you,
Mark Roeder

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Profound Map Version 1

What I learned doing this assignment is how to create a profound map. I think the transformational structure feels better to me now, by adding an insight into it, that Rosemary now understands her panda son Kyo as if he’s speaking English, and removing something else.

TITLE: PANDEMONIUM

WRITTEN BY: Mark Roeder

1. What is Your Profound Truth?

Instead of judging creatures by their features, let them show what’s special inside.

2. What is the Transformational Journey?


Old Ways: Suspicious. Paranoid. Judgmental. Thinks all pandas are disgusting, lazy creatures. Scientific in a cold, heartless way. Controlling. Loner

Journey: Rosemary goes from a cold hearted panda hater who tries to kill her own panda son to a caring mother who fights for her baby panda, teams up with him and sacrifices her life for his.

New ways: Supportive. Fights for her panda no matter what. Part of a team. Caring. Good mother. Insightful. Loves her panda with all her heart. Trusting

Transformational Logline: A veterinarian repulsed by the pandas she artificially inseminates gives birth to a panda, finds out it’s an alien creation and teams up with her panda to stop a hidden alien agenda.

3. Who are Your Lead Characters?


Change Agent: Blaze

Blaze’s vision: Rosemary’s panda, Kyo, the first full panda born from a human, is the Promised Panda that will stop the alien panda invasion. Blaze leads an army of women who have been abducted and experimented on by the pandas. He believes Rosemary must protect Kyo and join them in their battle with the alien pandas.

Transformable Character: Rosemary


Betraying Character: Lena Zu, a warrior on Blaze’s team who doesn’t believe Kyo is the Promised Panda and can’t get over her prejudice against pandas after they experimented on her.

Oppression: The alien panda invasion

4. How Do You Connect With Your Audience in the Beginning of the Movie?

A. Relatability: Rosemary has to clean up after the pandas, and they are disgusting creatures she feels.
Her job and insurance refuse to pay her for the time she was in the coma after being bitten by a panda with rabies even though it happened at work.

B. Intrigue: Rosemary believes the pandas have a hidden agenda against her. She has nightmares she’s abducted by pandas and experimented on. Finds herself munching on bamboo. Gives birth to a panda. Incisor, a scarred giant panda, always watches her, growls at her, and pounces on her. She’s rescued/kidnapped by Blaze.

C. Empathy: Rosemary has to artificially inseminate screaming pandas she’s repulsed by. Pandas crap on her from branch. They refuse to do anything she tries to get them to do, like mate. A baby panda dies under her watch, and she’s blamed for it.

She has to live at the zoo like an animal because her house went into foreclosure since the insurance didn’t pay her for time in a coma. She’s scared of getting attacked in her sleep and can’t go home to U.S. She’s stuck in China and doesn’t like it. She’s afraid to get bitten again. She’s scared the pandas have a hidden agenda. She’s horrified she gave birth to a panda. She’s pounced on by Incisor and his panda community. Kidnapped by Blaze.

D. Likability:

Rosemary takes care of a panda’s wound even though she’s disgusted by it. A little girl gets trapped by pandas and clawed by one, and Rosemary protects her.

The press dubs her Mother Rosemary, the miracle mother. People come from all over the world to see her and Kyo, her baby panda.

Kyo likes her. She can’t go through with killing Kyo. A woman warrior on Blaze’s team worships her for being the mother of the Promised Panda.

5. What is the Gradient of the Change?

EMOTIONAL GRADIENT: Forced Change. Rosemary is forced to go from denying she had a panda son and trying to get rid of it to fighting for him no matter what.

We watch her go through these stages:

Denial: Rosemary doesn’t believe she gave birth to a panda.

Anger: She attempts to kill her baby panda

Bargaining: Bargains with Blaze to let her go so she doesn’t have to protect him.

Depression: Has nightmares about pandas, can’t sleep. Gives up.

Acceptance: Fight for her baby panda, no matter what. Teams up with him to fight the invasion.

ACTION GRADIENT

Setup:

Rosemary doesn’t believe she gave birth to a panda. It’s impossible. It doesn’t make sense. She accuses people of messing with her head, playing a dirty trick on her, stealing her real baby and replacing it with a panda. There’s no way it could be hers.

Rosemary attempts to kill her baby panda, a creature she thinks is an abomination, but can’t go through with it.

Journey:

Rosemary pleads she wasn’t going to do it. Swears to Kyo she won’t do that again even if he is a panda. Bargains with Blaze to let her go.

Rosemary has nightmares about pandas, can’t sleep, watches Blaze’s doc that showed her get experimented on by Incisor and the alien pandas. Gives up. Won’t get bit again.

Payoff:

Rosemary decides to be as good a mother as she can, and fight for her baby panda no matter what. She teams up with him, and realizes he has free will, to make his own choice to fight the aliens or join them.

CHALLENGE/WEAKNESS GRADIENT

Challenge: She gave birth to a panda
Weakness: She’s suspicious

Challenge: She gave birth to a creature she thinks is an abomination.
Weakness: Reluctant. Can’t go through with killing it.

Challenge: Giant pandas pounce on her, and she’s rescued/kidnapped by Blaze, who takes her panda also. He says her panda is an alien creation, that he’s the promised panda who’s the key to stopping an invasion and she needs to protect him.
Weakness: Judgmental against pandas, scientific in a cold, heartless way, can’t come to grips with love she feels for her son and if it’s really hers if it’s an alien creation.

Challenge: Fails final test to join Blaze’s team and can’t even see Kyo.
Weakness: gives up.

Challenge: Kyo sends signal to trigger invasion. The alien pandas attack.
Weakness: Has to learn to trust her panda, and that she can’t control him.

6. What is the transformational Structure of your story?

Act 1: 

Opening: Rosemary artificially inseminates pandas she is repulsed by. She reluctantly does her job. Incisor, a scarred giant panda, seems vicious toward her, and she believes they have a hidden agenda against her.

Inciting Incident: Rosemary gives birth to a panda.

Turning Point: When she tries to kill Kyo, her own panda son, she’s pounced on by Incisor, the scarred giant panda and his panda community and rescued/kidnapped by Blaze.

Act 2: 

New plan: to escape Blaze and his team (and Kyo).

Plan in action: She escapes, and discovers Kyo stowed away with her.

Midpoint Turning Point. Lena Zu tries to kill Kyo, and Rosemary saves Kyo by killing Lena.

Act 3: 

Rethink everything: Rosemary doesn’t understand why she killed Lena to saved Kyo. Could he be the promised panda?

New plan: Rosemary decides to join Blaze’s team, but he only takes her son Kyo, and she has to pass dangerous tests to join. Blaze trains her to fight alien pandas and protect her son. Her bond with Kyo develops. In one test, she fails to protect Kyo from a rock that injures his jaw, and discovers he can regenerative his teeth instantly, and Rosemary believes Kyo is the Promised Panda now, but she fails the final test. They won’t let her join now. She can’t even see Kyo.

Rosemary takes Kyo anyway and discovers she can now understand his chirps and groans as clear as English.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Kyo signals Incisor to attack the humans. The alien pandas kill millions of men and abduct millions of women.

Act 4: 

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Rosemary fights her son Kyo, but then decides to fight for him no matter what. Incisor, the scarred giant panda who inseminated Rosemary, claims to be Kyo’s father. Kyo has a dilemma, mother or father, panda or human. Incisor attacks Blaze, and Kyo protects Blaze and attacks Incisor. Rosemary and Kyo team up to stop Incisor and his panda army. Rosemary sacrifices her life to save Kyo’s. But Kyo, the promised panda, nibbles Rosemary to regenerate her back to life.

Resolution: By defeating Incisor, Kyo’s father, Kyo becomes the new leader and has the other pandas step down. At an animal hospital, Rosemary wrestles with Kyo, playing. A human’s rough with a panda, and Kyo growls. Rosemary and Kyo protect the other panda against the abuser, who’s forced to train with Rosemary and Kyo, who lead tours of forests with pandas in them and teach people not to discriminate against pandas, no easy task after many lost loved ones in the battle against the pandas.

7. How are the “Old Ways” Challenged?

A. Challenge through Questioning

After a baby panda dies under Rosemary’s watch at the zoo, a zookeeper says “Maybe the baby panda died because you didn’t care about it. You didn’t show it love.”

After a panda poops on Rosemary from a tree and she rants about how pandas only eat and poo, a zoo worker points out how good it is that pandas disperse seeds by rolling around and then climbing trees and swimming and how helpful that is.

Someone at the zoo counters her panda prejudice by saying “They can climb trees better than you.”

A woman warrior on Blaze’s team says “Giant pandas at least have a reason to abandon a cub if they give birth to more than one. They don’t have sufficient milk or energy to care for two, so they focus on the attentions of their strongest cub. You only had one, and you tried to kill it. A true monster you are.”

B. Challenge by Counterexample

Rosemary inseminates pandas without caring, and gets inseminated by pandas.

Blaze is a counterexample by believing Rosemary’s panda is the promised panda that can stop the invasion. Hs vision is a counterexample to her belief that they are all the same disgusting, hateful creatures.

Rosemary traps pandas in a cage. They put her in a cage.

C. Challenge by “Should Work, But Doesn’t”

Rosemary’s boss tells her to put one to sleep and she euthanizes it and kills it, but it turns out she was just supposed to put it to sleep for the night and not euthanize it.

D. Challenge through Living Metaphor

Syringe to euthanize pandas = scientific, cold hearted ways.

A panda stomps on her syringe, which symbolizes the old ways aren’t working anymore.

A wolf attacks a bear cub, and the mother bear attacks and kills the wolf. Blaze tells Rosemary she can’t be a lone wolf. She needs to be a bear, a mother bear, protective of her cub.

Snow covered bamboo forest = cold hearted ways.

Gloves = scientific cold hearted way. She won’t touch a panda with bear hands, not even her son Kyo.

Panda cage = controlling.

8. How are You Presenting Insights through Profound Moments?


Action: After Kyo sent the signal to trigger the alien panda invasion, a warrior aims a gun at Kyo. Rosemary kicks it out of her hand. It hits a tree. A branch falls off onto a man attacking Kyo. She jumps on the man to fight him off.

Insight: Fights for her son Kyo no matter what

Action: Rosemary helps a sprawled Kyo up. He tucks his head in and she gently rolls him through encircling pandas. One claws Blaze, and Rosemary throws it off. A panda drags a woman to a ship. Kyo jump kicks the panda and they help the woman up, barely conscious, who joins them in their fight.

Insight: Part of a team

Action: An alien panda blasts Kyo with a wave gun that obliterates what’s in its path and Rosemary steps in the way. It kills her.

Insight: Supportive/Loves her panda with all her heart

Action: Rosemary pulls her son Kyo off Incisor when he’s tearing Incisor to shreds with his claws.

Insight: Insightful/Good mother/caring/it would be damaging for Kyo to kill his own father/even Incisor has something special inside him.

B. Conflict delivers insight

Conflict: Rosemary finds a jar with a panda/human hybrid in it in Blaze’s camper. She accuses Blaze of experimenting and putting the panda inside of her. Blaze and Lean Zu make her admit she’s had nightmares of pandas experimenting on her, and Blaze shows her footage he made of his wife getting experimented on by pandas.

Insight: Pandas experimented on Rosemary and inseminated her.

Conflict: Blaze takes Rosemary to a globe shaped lab where pandas experiment on a woman. Blaze tries to rescue her, but the pandas see Rosemary and the globe rises into the air.

Insight: Rosemary’s son is an alien creation. All pandas are aliens.

Conflict: Rosemary fights Kyo, then stops, lets him scratch her. Protects him from humans to give him a chance to show who he is. Incisor attacks Blaze and Kyo protects Blaze by fighting Incisor.

Insight: Insightful/Trusting. Rosemary believes Kyo is the promised Panda.

C. Irony delivers insight

Irony: Blaze filmed the pandas inseminating Rosemary. He didn’t stop it because he believed she would be the mother of the promised panda. It was a glorious experience for Blaze, while Rosemary was suffering.

Insight: Blaze believed Rosemary was destined to be the mother of the Promised Panda

Irony: Rosemary cooks Kyo bamboo soup. He chirps and she hears him say “soup stinks.” Rosemary says “you smell worse. Wait, I understood you.” (She gives up on the dream of joining Blaze’s team and fighting aliens, but she pleases her son Kyo, who slurps his soup.)

Insight: Rosemary understands her son’s alien panda language

Irony: Rosemary decides to be a mother and believes Kyo is the Promised Panda that will stop the invasion, then Kyo sends a signal to trigger the alien panda invasion.

Insight: Kyo was created to trigger the alien panda invasion.

9. What are the Most Profound Lines of the Movie?


“You smell worse.”

Meaning built over multiple scenes. Goes from challenging Rosemary’s panda prejudice to Kyo saying it and her understanding Kyo for the first time.

“Sounds like Chinese to me.”

Meaning built over multiple scenes. Goes from prejudice against Chinese to not understanding Kyo’s chirps and groans to Chinese Warriors commending Rosemary for finally learning Chinese and even understanding Kyo.

“I won’t get bit again.”

Meaning built over multiple scenes. Goes from Rosemary meaning she won’t get bitten by a panda again to meaning she misses Kyo but refuses to get him back because she doesn’t want her heart broken again.

10. How Do You Leave Us With A Profound Ending?

A. Express the Profound Truth: Rosemary knows Kyo’s more than what the alien pandas created him for. She stops fighting him and gives him the chance to show what’s special inside, free will.

Kyo chooses to protect Blaze and fight Incisor, his own father. Rosemary sacrifices her life to save Kyo’s. Kyo nibbles Rosemary to regenerate her back to life, showing what’s special inside, that he’s the Promised Panda.

Kyo becomes the new leader with what’s special inside: he believes humans and pandas can live side by side, can learn to live together. Can stop judging each other. If his mom can do it, anyone can.

B. The Change: Rosemary fights for her panda son Kyo and trusts him to make the right choice even though he triggered the alien invasion that could wipe out the human race. Rosemary becomes part of a team when she teams up with Kyo to fight Incisor, Kyo’s father and his invaders. Rosemary becomes a good mother, sacrificing her life for her son’s.

C. Payoffs: Blaze’s vision that Kyo is the promised panda is fulfilled. Blaze’s training of Rosemary to protect Kyo is paid off. Rosemary trying to join the team is paid off as she becomes part of the team with Kyo and the others. Blaze and Rosemary passion for each other in training sessions is paid off at the end when Rosemary’s pregnant with his baby.

D. Surprising: Kyo was created to trigger the invasion, and sent the signal for the alien pandas to attack, so it’s surprising when he proves he is the Promised Panda that stops it. Incisor, the scarred panda leader, who artificially inseminated Rosemary, claims to be Kyo’s father. Rosemary sacrificing herself to save Kyo is surprising after trying to kill him earlier, but inevitable as she’s his mother and she’s been trained to protect him no matter what. Kyo nibbling her and bringing her back is surprising but inevitable as he is the promised panda and we’ve seen his teeth regenerate instantly.

5. Parting Image:

Rosemary’s ultrasound shows what’s special inside her now: a fetus. Is it panda? No, it’s a healthy, human fetus.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder Builds Meaning with Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is a phrase like “Sounds like Chinese to me” can have a number of meanings from not understanding or caring to meaning the opposite when a Chinese woman warrior says it.

1. “You smell worse.”

The arc is from a zookeeper challenging Rosemary’s panda prejudice to Kyo saying it and her understanding Kyo for the first time.

When she says pandas smell and a panda poops on her from a tree, a zookeeper says “you smell worse.” This meaning challenges her prejudice against pandas.

Kyo accidentally bumps the jar with the dead hybrid in it. It falls and breaks on a sharp edge. Kyo covers his nose. Rosemary looks at Kyo, angry, and yells “you smell worse.” This meaning is meant to scold Kyo when she is angry at him.

When Rosemary makes Kyo bamboo soup, Kyo squeaks “soup stinks.” Rosemary says “You smell worse. Wait. I understood you.” Kyo then says “you smell worse.” Rosemary says it here playfully, but defensively, then when Kyo says it Rosemary realizes she’s understanding him for the first time. She’s able to decipher his chirps and groans and it sounds like English to her.

2. “Sounds like Chinese to me.”

The arc would be prejudice against Chinese to meaning she doesn’t understand what her panda son Kyo’s chirps and groans mean to a a Chinese warrior saying it to Rosemary after she speaks in Chinese, to one saying “sounds like Chinese to me” about Kyo, meaning they understand Kyo also, as he really speaks now.

A zoo visitor or employee points at a panda and speaks to her in Chinese, and Rosemary says “sounds like Chinese to me.” The meaning is she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t speak Chinese and doesn’t care to.

Blaze tells her she’ll be able to understand her son more as she listens to his needs. He squeaks and groans and she says “sounds like Chinese to me.” Then a Chinese woman warrior on Blaze’s team says something in Chinese and Rosemary says “sounds like Chinese to me.” The meaning is she doesn’t understand Kyo and doesn’t care to.

When Lena comes to Rosemary and plays the doc of the hybrid that Blaze understood, and the hybrid growls, Lena says “does that sound like English to you?” And Rosemary says “sounds like Chinese to me.” This means she doesn’t understand the hybrid.

Training with Blaze and his women warriors, a Chinese warrior gives instructions in Chinese and she says “sounds like Chinese to me” or gives instructions she doesn’t like and Rosemary says “sounds like Chinese to me.” The meaning is Rosemary won’t listen to her, won’t do what she says and will do her own thing. She’s not a team player yet.

Rosemary learns Chinese to do a better job and starts speaking and a warrior who speaks Chinese and understands her says “Sounds like Chinese to me! Congratulations!” The meaning is Rosemary has made a lot of progress. She speaks Chinese now well enough to communicate with the Chinese warriors and it gives her a chance to join the team.

After Kyo, Rosemary, and Blaze’s warriors defeat Incisor and the invading pandas, Kyo gives a short speech, not with perfect English, broken, but saying pandas can live in peace with humans and a Chinese warrior says “sounds like Chinese to me”. The meaning is the Chinese warrior understood Kyo perfectly. Kyo now actually speaks in a way that all humans who listen can understand.

At the end, Rosemary gives a tour of a panda inhabited forest to visitors that are mostly Chinese and Rosemary speaks in Chinese, and an American says “sounds like Chinese to me” and Rosemary in English says “thank you. It’s a beautiful language. You should learn it.” The meaning is Rosemary’s gone from not understanding or caring about Chinese to speaking it and experiencing someone else not understanding or caring about Chinese.

3. “I won’t get bit again.”

The arc is Rosemary meaning she won’t get bitten by a panda again to meaning she misses Kyo but refuses to get him back because she doesn’t want her heart broken again.

Rosemary was bitten by a panda with rabies and went into a coma and almost died. Back at work at the zoo, her boss tells her to be more active with the pandas and she says “I won’t get bit again.”

A panda scratches her and she backs off and says “I won’t get bit again.”

During her depression stage, after she fails the final test to join Blaze’s team and can’t see her son Kyo, she misses him but refuses to go back and says “I won’t get bit again” meaning she won’t get bitten by loving him. She doesn’t want to get hurt again.

When telling Kyo not to go after Incisor, she could say. “Don’t worry. I won’t get bit again,” but then Incisor kills her. The meaning here could be ironic, but then Kyo nibbles her and regenerates her back to life. So in the end, getting bitten by your panda son is a good thing.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Height of the Emotion

What I learned doing this assignment is to come up with possible dialogue that delivers the deeper meaning of emotional scenes. When I go through the process of writing the script, these lines can help bring out emotion and meaning I think, and some could still be changed as I develop the characters more.

1. Rosemary gives birth to a panda and she’s horrified, in denial.

“We both know that cannot possibly be my son even if you pulled it out of me.”

2. Lena tries to kill Rosemary’s panda, Kyo, and Rosemary kills Lena. There’s shock and a meaning that Rosemary loves Kyo enough to kill a human for him.

As she lies dying, Lena says “You can’t possibly love that alien thing.”

3. After Kyo triggers the alien panda invasion, Rosemary fights her son Kyo, but then stops fighting and lets him scratch her. She gives him the chance to show what’s special inside, to make a choice.

Meaning: Rosemary loves Kyo, and believes he’s the Promised Panda.

Rosemary: “Do your worst, Kyo. Because how bad can it be? You are the promised panda after all.”

4. Rosemary sacrifices her life to save Kyo’s.

An alien panda blasts Kyo with a wave gun that obliterates what’s in its path and Rosemary steps in the way. It kills her.

Deeper meaning: she loves Kyo with all her heart

“She loved you as much as any mother ever loved a son, Kyo.”

5. Kyo, the promised panda, nibbles Rosemary to regenerate her back to life.

A warrior who stopped believing in Kyo says “That’s not possible unless he’s the Promised Panda.”

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder Delivers Irony!

What I learned doing this assignment is to put two opposite experiences together to create irony and deliver insights. I discovered new insights like one where Rosemary learns she can understand Kyo’s chirps as clear as English as she finally mothers him and believes he is the Promised Panda that will stop the invasion, before she hears him trigger the alien panda invasion.

1. Insights: Blaze filmed the alien pandas inseminating Rosemary/Blaze believed Rosemary was destined to be the mother of the Promised Panda

Lena tells Rosemary Blaze filmed the pandas inseminating Rosemary. He didn’t stop it because he believed she would be the mother of the promised panda. It was a glorious experience for Blaze, while Rosemary was suffering.

2. Insights: Incisor inseminated Rosemary/Lena betrays Blaze

Lena shows Rosemary Blaze’s footage of Blaze’s wife’s hybrid panda/human son squeaking. That’s when Blaze hallucinated and heard him say the mother of the Promised Panda would be a panda preserver who hates pandas, which is Rosemary. Lena asks Rosemary if the hybrid’s chirps and growls sound like English to her. Does it sound like he’s saying your son is the Promised Panda that will stop the invasion?

Lena doesn’t believe this nonsense about Kyo being the promised panda and asks why Rosemary left him alive. She makes a special deal with Rosemary to take care of Kyo while Rosemary watches the footage of the alien pandas experimenting on her.

As Rosemary watches it, it triggers flashbacks and becomes clear in the flashbacks and the footage that Incisor inseminated her.

Kyo’s heard whimpering. Rosemary goes into a trance with the flashbacks. Something triggered.

Then she wakes up. Goes into other room and sees Lena killing Kyo, maybe strangling him, or about to euthanize him, and she kills Lena to save Kyo.

As Lena lies dying, she says the pandas all need to die. You don’t know what you’ve done.

(This is a special deal that turns out to be worthless)

3. Insight: Kyo stowed away with Rosemary

Incisor, the scarred panda, knocks Rosemary to the ground. She swings her syringe at him, but he kicks it out of her hand.

Incisor steps on Rosemary’s syringe, destroying it, She opens her backpack. Kyo pops out. Leaps on her. She’s freaked, throws him off. Then laughs. Stowaway!

When Incisor sees Kyo he leaps for joy. Kyo looks at him in fear and awe, maybe love and fear and hides behind Rosemary. Incisor sees Kyo cuddle her, and runs away.

She reaches in her backpack for a syringe, but sees Kyo stomping on them. Crushing them all. Looks at him in anger.
(She got her need, Kyo, and a chance to be his mother, but lost her want, to kill Incisor.)

4. Insight: Rosemary understands her son’s alien panda language

Rosemary cooks Kyo bamboo soup. He chirps and she hears him say “peel the shoots first” and she does. He tries some. “I like Blaze’s better.” Oh, you do. Do you. It’s not even done yet. They need to boil more. Wait, I understood you.

(She gives up on the dream of joining Blaze’s team and fighting aliens, but she pleases her son Kyo.)

5. Insight: Kyo sends a signal to trigger the alien panda invasion

Rosemary brings Kyo soup and overhears him send a signal to Incisor and alien pandas to attack while humans are vulnerable. She understands what he says.

She throws the soup on him. Burns him.

(Now that she decides to be a mother and believes he is the Promised Panda that will stop the invasion, and even comes to understand his language and bond with him, Kyo sends a signal to trigger the invasion.)

6. Insight: Kyo was created to trigger the invasion

Rosemary watches the doc of Blaze’s hybrid roaring and now understands what he says: Kyo, the first full panda born to a human, is destined to start the invasion. To trigger it.

Blaze says he’s the promised panda that will stop the invasion, but she understands that he was created to trigger the invasion.

No: he’s the promised panda. He’ll stop the creation. Incisor created him to trigger the invasion. You heard what you wanted to hear in your hallucination. The reality is he’s here to trigger it. And he did.

Aliens attack. Lasers hit. Women fly into the air. It’s happening all over the world, all over China, all over the world.

Rosemary: he did this. Your promised panda began the invasion.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder Delivers Insights Through Conflict

What I learned doing this assignment is possible ways to use conflict to express insights.

(Note: the dialogue in these examples isn’t the exact dialogue that will be in the script, but an example of what it could be like.)

1. Insight: Blaze kills pandas.

Type of conflict: argument

After Blaze rescues/kidnaps Rosemary and her panda son Kyo from the pandas, while Blaze drives them away.

Rosmary: Take me home.

Blaze: You can’t go back there.

Rosemary: I can control ‘em.

Blaze: You can’t.

Rosemary: Where are we going?

Blaze: To rescue someone else.

Rosemary: Why’d you bring that thing?

Blaze: That’s your son.

Rosmary: But it’s impossible. Even though it’s true.

Blaze runs over a panda.

Rosmeary: You just killed a panda.

Kyo cries.

Blaze approaches other pandas on the road. She grabs the wheel and steers them away. They wreck. She passes out.

2. Insight: Pandas experimented on Rosemary and inseminated her.

Type of conflict: misunderstanding/ plan goes wrong

Rosemary wakes up. Wanders around the big camper. Blaze and his women warriors eat. Some Repair the camper. There’s dead pandas outside.

She opens a door to get out. But it’s a door to a closet. She finds a jar with a panda/human hybrid in it. She SCREAMS. They hear. She tries to get out. They stop her.

Rosemary: You’ve been experimenting. You put that thing in me.

Blaze: Is that what your nightmares have been telling you?

Rosemary denies her nightmares. Another woman explains she had nightmares of getting abducted by pandas and experimented on. Rosemary calls her paranoid, even though she has had the same nightmare.

She’s told by a woman she’s in denial. Another woman says we all nightmares like that and they’re not just nightmares.

Then Rosemary says she knows they’re not.

Woman: So you admit it. You’ve had them.

Blaze: They’re memories. My wife was abducted. I followed her, filmed her.

Rosmeary: You filmed her instead of rescuing her?

Blaze: I did both.

Blaze’s doc shows pandas experimenting on his wife, inseminating her.

3. Insight: Rosemary’s son Kyo is an alien creation:

Type of conflict: Plan goes wrong

Blaze rides through the jungle. Rosemary’s in the passenger seat. She tries to open the handle, but it’s locked.

Blaze: You think you know where pandas come from.

Rosmary: They’ve been in China for millenniums.

Blaze turns off his lights. Approaches a globe shaped lab of some kind.

They sneak up as Blaze films his doc and they are going to try to stop it. Rosemary follows, reluctant, but her curiosity gets the best of her. Her scientific mind needs to find out what’s going on.

Through a window, they see a woman being experimented on by pandas. Being inseminated.

The pandas see Rosemary, and the globe lab wiggles, shakes, the spins. It rises into the sky.

Rosemary: I knew there was something about them. They’re aliens.

Kyo runs out of the trailer toward them.

Blaze: Your son’s an alien creation.

4. Insight: All pandas are aliens:

Type of conflict: Stakes raised

The ship above fires and hits a tree near them, which catches fire.

Blaze: That was just a warning shot. If they wanted to kill us, they would have.

Rosemary: Why didn’t they?

Blaze Points at Kyo.

Rosemary: What’s so special about him?

Blaze: If they knew the truth about him, they wouldn’t let him live.

Kyo climbs up Rosemary’s leg. She shakes him off. Approaches him.

She throws up.

Rosemary: What gives them the right to inseminate us? To put something alien inside of us? They can’t do this to us.

Blaze: They crash-landed on a Tibet mountain. Pandas came out. Slowly spread through Asia, thriving most in the bamboo forests of central China.

5. Insight: Alien pandas have a hidden agenda to dominate Earth.

Type of conflict: stakes raised

Rosemary: They do more than eat bamboo and poop. They put that thing in me.

Blaze: Your son.

The fire spreads.

Rosmeary: But they’ve been passive for thousands of years. Eating bamboo. Biding their time.

Blaze: That was the first phase of their plan. Fool humans. Make us protect them. Eat bamboo. Something awakening in them. They found the old ship. Got it working.

Rosemary: They fooled most humans, not me.

Blaze: They inseminated you. That’s phase 2.

Rosemary: They’re cold. Their heartless.

A woman says like someone else I know.

Blaze: Phase 3: kill or enslave the rest of us.

6. Insight: Blaze believes Kyo is the promised panda.

Type of conflict: physical confrontation.

Rosemary: I won’t be a mother. I was right to try to kill him.

She approaches Kyo.

The women get between her and the baby panda, Kyo.

Blaze shows her a doc on his phone. Of his wife giving brith to a half human, half panda.

Blaze explains that his wife died during childbirth. He ran away with her hybrid son, who bit him. Blaze had a hallucination in which the hybrid spoke. He said the first full panda born from a panda would stop the invasion. Blaze says that’s Rosemary’s Panda, Kyo. She can’t kill him.

Rosemary: that was a hallucination.

Blaze says Rosemary has to raise him, protect him. Blaze will train her to fight the alien pandas. Her son is the key, the Promised Panda.

Rosemary runs away.

7. New way: Insightful. Rosemary believes Kyo is the promised Panda.

Type of conflict: physical confrontation

Rosemary fights Kyo, then stops, lets him scratch her. Protects him from humans and says you turn against him so fast. What happened to your vision that he’s the promised panda? Give him a chance to show who he is. Incisor attacks Blaze and Kyo protects Blaze by fighting Incisor.

8. Insight: Incisor is Kyo’s father

Type of conflict: physical confrontation/competition/love triangle

Incisor attacks Blaze and Kyo protects Blaze by fighting Incisor.

Incisor does a hand stand and uses scent glands under his tail to leave a waxy mark on the tree. Kyo looks at it. you biggest panda. Incisor points at it. Kyo chirps you’re not my father. Incisor nods his head and growls. Pats Kyo on head. Or Kyo shakes head profusely points at Incisor. Kyo speaks his first words. Father. No. You not.

Rosemary says he’s the one who inseminated me.

Maybe Kyo leaves scent mark too and they have same biology, she looks too.

9. Insight: Kyo can regenerate Rosemary back to life/he is the Promised Panda.

Type of conflict: physical confrontation/loss

Rosemary steps in the way of a beam that would obliterate Kyo. She dies. He nibbles her neck. She regenerates back to life.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder Turns Insights Into Action

What I learned doing this assignment is to get into the action to express the new ways.

1. New Ways:

Supportive
Fights for her panda.
Part of a team
Caring
Good mother
Insightful
Loves her panda with all her heart
Trusting

Insights:
Incisor is Kyo’s father

2. Action

Trusting:

Rosemary stops fighting Kyo and lets him claw her. Stands in the way of humans who aim weapons at him.

Fights for her son Kyo no matter what (even though he triggered an alien invasion):

After they find Kyo sent the signal to trigger the alien panda invasion, a member of Blaze’s team aims Rosemary’s euthanize gun at Kyo. She kicks it out of her hand. It hits a tree. A branch falls off onto a man attacking Kyo. She jumps on the man to fight him off.

Part of a team:

Rosemary helps a sprawled Kyo up. He tucks his head in and she gently rolls him. Kyo rolls beside Rosemary as she runs toward the invading pandas. They roll right through encircling pandas.

One panda claws at Blaze, and Rosemary throws it off. Kyo jump kicks a panda off a woman on Blaze’s team. Blaze, the woman warrior, Rosemary and Kyo run toward Incisor and his panda army that attack men.

One panda drags one of Blaze’s woman warriors to a ship. Kyo leaps at the panda, clawing it with its hind paws. They helps the woman up, barely conscious. But she joins them in their fight.

Supportive/Loves her panda with all her heart:

An alien panda blasts Kyo with a wave gun that obliterates what’s in its path and Rosemary steps in the way. It kills her.

Insightful/Good mother/caring:

Rosemary pulls her son Kyo off Incisor when he’s tearing Incisor to shreds with his claws, with an insight that it would be damaging for Kyo to kill his own father Incisor, and that even Incisor has something special inside him.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Seabiscuit Analysis

What I learned doing this assignment is the injuries to both Red and Seabiscuit make it look impossible for Red to ever ride him, which make the ending surprising, yet inevitable, and makes simple moments like Red lacing up his boot before the race more profound and emotional.

PROFOUND MOMENTS:

A toast to the future, then stocks crash on October 29. VO says people had a new definition of home. And shows people sitting outside by fires, rundown houses, cars.

Tom sits on a train in a box car. Profound because it shows how poor he is now I think.

Red is boxing. That’s what he’s forced to do now, to get beat up.

Red sips his soup, then VO says they called it relief. What it really was is for the first time in a long time, someone cared. You weren’t alone. This is profound building a parallel between people in that time during the depression getting relief and Red getting relief.

Red pulls ahead in the race, then wins for the first time. This is profound partly because of the build up to the excitement of this moment.

Profound moment when Charles says Red is Seabiscuit’s jockey now and forever. Because it means he has faith in him no matter what.

Profound moment when Red’s dragged by horse after he falls, then slams into wall. Why? Cause he didn’t just fall, he was dragged.

Seeing families and everyone listening to the race on the radio is profound because it shows so many people care about Seabiscuit and Red and this race.

George rides Seabiscuit into the finish line, ahead. What made it profound is probably holding Seabiscuit back first, as Red suggested, casting just a bit of doubt, then letting him go and seeing the expressions on Elizabeth’s face.

Seabiscuit tears a ligament. Red senses it and calls them concerned. Seabuiscuit’s not gonna race again they say. That’s profound because we care about this horse now and everyone involved with him.

Red eats a big, hearty meal. This is profound because it contrasts when he just sipped the soup before, and shows his appetite now that he rode Seabiscuit again for the first time after their injuries.

“Just let him ride, Charles” Elizabeth, his wife, says, when Charles is worried about Red dying like his son did.

Profound when Red laces up his boot to ride. Why? Because his legs been broken, and Seabiscuit’s been injured, and we thought this would never happen.

Profound when Red rides Red out runway toward stadium because they’re going to race.

George, Red’s jockey friend that rode Seabiscuit, is at the starting line on a competing horse, and says he himself doesn’t have a chance. It’s profound how supportive George is of Red even when he’s racing against him.

Red’s leg hurts as he rides at start of race. Why is that profound? Showing what a struggle this is.

When Red passes George, George says “have a nice ride.” George has always been supportive of Red for whole movie, not even seeming to care about himself as much.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Living Metaphors

What I learned doing this assignment is though it was challenging at first, it became fun to create metaphors and they have potential to be strong. Living metaphor challenges could be part of my new way of thinking now.

Should Work, But Doesn’t Challenges:

1. Old way: Scientific in cold hearted way:

Challenge: Rosemary uses scientific methods, like DNA tests, to prove Kyo’s not her son, but it doesn’t work. It shows her he is her son.

2. Old way: scientific in a cold hearted way. Euthanizes pandas to put them to sleep when they can no longer eat and stay healthy.

Challenge: Her boss tells her to put one to sleep and she euthanizes it and kills it, but it turns out she was just supposed to put it to sleep for the night and not euthanize it.

3. Old ways: loner, scientific in cold hearted way

Challenge: When she tries to fight alien pandas on her own by injecting them, euthanizing them, putting them to sleep, it fails when they smash her syringe and almost kill her.

4. Old ways: scientific in a cold hearted way.

Challenge: Rosemary makes a euthanized gun beam to kill invading pandas, but it makes the other pandas more vicious and violent, and a member of Blaze’s team gets killed.

How it might play out: Kyo shows her a way to put them to sleep without killing them.

5. Old way: loner, controlling

Challenge: Trying to control Blaze’s team backfires and the pandas beat them in a training exercise.

LIVING METAPHOR CHALLENGES:

1. Old way: scientific in a cold hearted way. A syringe, which she uses to artificially inseminate pandas, as well as euthanize pandas that can no longer eat enough to maintain their health, is a metaphor for her scientific, cold hearted ways.

Challenge: A panda stomps on her syringe, which symbolizes that the old ways aren’t working anymore.

2. Old ways: loner, scientific in cold hearted ways, reluctant, prejudice against pandas. Rosemary’s a lone wolf.

Challenge: Blaze shows her a documentary he made about a wolf attacking a bear cub, and the mother bear attacking and killing the wolf. He says she can’t be a lone wolf. She needs to be a bear, a mother bear, protective of her cub.

3. Old ways: scientific in cold hearted way, loner. She works alone with pandas in a snow-covered bamboo forest, a metaphor for her cold hearted ways. Always freezing. Always on own.

Challenge: Her boss finds she’s using questionable methods, and when she ignores others who have been brought in to help, she’s told to thaw out and go back to the zoo and not be isolated, challenging her old cold, isolated ways.

4. Old way: scientific in cold hearted way. She never touches a panda with bare hands, always wears gloves, which becomes a metaphor for being scientific in a cold hearted way.

Challenge: others use bare hands. Her gloves make it harder to do some tasks. She gets holes in them. They get scratched by pandas.

How it might play out: She handles Kyo with gloves until she decides to open the cage and let him go. He hugs her and claws her glove. She takes it off and even wipes a tear away from his eye with her bare finger.

5. Old ways: controlling, scientific in cold hearted way. Locks pandas in cage, a metaphor for her control, and does her artificial insemination.

Challenge: Incisor breaks out of the panda cage when she tries to kill Kyo, a challenge to her control of them. The other pandas follow and pounce on her.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Counterexamples

What I learned doing this assignment is to challenge Rosemary’s old ways with questions, arguments and more counterexamples.

QUESTION CHALLENGES TO OLD WAY:

1.Challenge: “Maybe the baby panda died because you didn’t care about it. You didn’t show it love.”

Old way: scientific in a cold hearted way.

How it might play out: After a baby panda dies under Rosemary’s watch at the zoo, someone points this out to her.

2.Challenge: A zoo worker points out how good it is that pandas disperse seeds by rolling around and then climbing trees and swimming and how helpful that is.

Old ways: prejudice against pandas

How it might play out: This happens after a panda poops on her from a tree and she rants about how they only eat and poo and they’re all disgusting, lazy creatures.

3.Challenge: “They can climb trees better than you.”

Old ways: prejudice against pandas, judgmental

How it might play out: Someone at the zoo counters her panda prejudice that they are fat, worthless creatures who eat 80 pounds of food a day 18 hours a day, sleep the rest, and roll because they’re too lazy to walk.

4.Challenge: “Does it make sense to not care for your child because a different panda bit you?”

Old ways: prejudice against pandas

How it might play out: Blaze could point this out to her after he rescues/kidnaps her and gives her his vision that her son is the promised panda.

5. Challenge: “Giant pandas at least have a reason to abandon a cub if they give birth to more than one. They don’t have sufficient milk or energy to care for two, so they focus on the attentions of their strongest cub. You only had one, and you tried to kill it. A true monster you are.”

Old ways: prejudice against pandas

How it might play out: Blaze or a member of his team could point this out to her after they rescue/kidnap her..

COUNTEREXAMPLES TO OLD WAY:

1. Challenge: On receiving end of her own behavior: inseminates pandas without caring, gets inseminated by pandas.

Old ways: scientific in cold hearted way, prejudice against pandas.

How it might play out: She artificially inseminates pandas, has nightmares about pandas experimenting on her, then after Blaze rescues/kidnaps her he tells her all pandas are aliens and he leads a team of woman warriors that were on experimented on by pandas like her, but she’s the first to give birth to a panda.

2.Challenge: Blaze is a counterexample by believing Rosemary’s panda is the promised panda that can stop the invasion. Hs vision is a counterexample to her belief that they are all the same disgusting, hateful creatures.

Old ways: prejudice against pandas

How it might play out: Rosemary tries to kill her own panda son, and Incisor and other pandas pounce on her. Blaze rescues/kidnaps her and shows her his vision.

3. Challenge: Traps pandas in a cage. They put her in a cage.

Old ways: prejudice against pandas, controlling, scientific in cold hearted way

How it might play out: Rosemary tries to control pandas making them go in cage. When the alien pandas attack, Incisor and the alien pandas put her in a cage.

4. Challenge: A zookeeper shows the pandas love and gets better results than her.

Old way: prejudice against pandas, scientific in a cold hearted way

How it might play out: After shoving pandas in a cage and yelling at them and using negative reinforcement, Rosemary sees a zookeeper effortlessly gets one in a cage with love (and bamboo).

5. Challenge: Rosemary takes action counter to normal and it works: She stops fighting Kyo and gives him a chance to show what’s special inside: believes even though he triggered the invasion, he can make his own choice. Decides to be good mother. It works because Kyo shows he is a counterexample, protecting Blaze and attacking Incisor, fighting with her against the pandas, and then regenerating her back to life.

Old ways: prejudice against pandas, suspicious that he’s not the promised panda, scientific in a cold hearted way

How it might play out: Rosemary found Kyo was created to trigger the invasion and sent a signal which caused the invasion. Rosemary fights him, then stops and gives him this choice.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Old Ways Challenge Chart

What I learned doing this assignment is when an old way is prejudice against pandas the challenges show they’re not all the same disgusting, lazy, evil, hateful creatures she thinks they are.

OLD WAYS:

Suspicious
Paranoid
Prejudice against pandas
Scientific in a cold hearted way.
Reluctant

CHALLENGES:

SUSPICIOUS

Rosemary’s suspicious of Kyo, that he’s not the promised panda.

Challenge: Most of Blaze’s team seems to believe it.

Suspicious of Blaze, his vision, his plans.

Challenge: Blaze shows her documentaries he made of alien pandas experimenting on humans, but won’t show her hers til she’s ready.

She’s suspicious of the tests she has to do to join. Do they want her dead? Do they have ulterior motive?

Challenge: Blaze trains her how to fight alien pandas and protect her son.

Suspicious Kyo’s not the promised panda.

Challenge: she discovers Kyo can regenerate his teeth instantly.

Suspicious and convinced Kyo is out to destroy humans, so she fights him.

Challenge: he proves he is the promised panda by protecting Blaze, attacking Incisor, fighting with her against the pandas, and then regenerating her back to life.

PARANOID:

Blaze has sent underground warnings, through dark web, social media and interviews, that we shouldn’t inseminate them. Pandas aren’t who we think they are. Rosemary believes Blaze for most part, maybe slightly suspicious of him, but it confirms how she feels.

Challenge: boss tells her Blaze is an enemy. He’s hurting pandas.

PREJUDICE AGAINST PANDAS

Rosemary has to clean up after the pandas, and they are disgusting creatures she feels. Cleans one that rubs itself in manure.

Challenge: Sees one take a bath. Splashing water on itself.

When her boss tells her Blaze is hurting the panda community under her breath she mutters hey should all die. I hope they become extinct. Lazy, disgusting. Vicious.

Challenge: One panda with seed and plant matter on it deposits it as it moves climbing trees and swimming. It’s pointed out they disperse seeds. That’s good.

Flashbacks of getting bit by a panda with rabies.

Challenge: people and docs say it’s rare they bite.

Nightmares of getting abducted by pandas and experimented on.

Challenge: There’s psychological reasons for her nightmares she’s told.

It may be partly because of her panda prejudice that she lets a rock hit Kyo and fails to protect him.

Challenge: his teeth regenerate instantly, showing he’s different, their not all the same. He must be the promised panda.

Learns Kyo triggered the invasion, sent a signal. He must not be the promised panda.

Challenge: loves him now.

SCIENTIFIC IN A COLD HEARTED WAY

A baby panda dies under her watch, and she’s blamed for it. She claims she did everything scientifically possible. Shows no remorse.

Challenge: Everyone else seems to love these pandas and be outraged at her. There’s a nationwide call for her to get fired. That’s why insurance won’t cover her time in the coma after she was bitten by one with rabies.

Lena Zu (the betrayer on Blaze’s team) hunts them and tries to kill Kyo, and Rosemary saves Kyo by killing Lena. Rosemary’s afraid she’ll be wanted for murder and questions why she saved this worthless…

Challenge: her motherly instinct

RELUCTANT:

Flashbacks of getting bit by a panda make her more reluctant to do her job, artificially inseminating pandas, taking care of them.

Challenge: you wont’ get bit again. That’s rare. Just work with them. You’ll feel better. Get this done for us.

Reluctant to take care of her own panda.

Challenge: motherly instinct kicks in.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s 12 ANGRY MEN Analysis

What I learned doing this assignment is there’s constant challenges to the old ways in 12 ANGRY MEN. The movie’s a battle between old ways and the challenges.

I paraphrased and quoted some of the juror’s arguments for the old ways and the challenges below.

OLD WAYS and CHALLENGES:

ASSUMPTION OF GUILT

The lawyer’s talking is a waste of time in an open and shut case like this.

You can see it.

Challenge: Supposing he’s wrong.

I think he’s guilty. I thought it from the get go. No one proved other wise.

Challenge: no one has to prove otherwise. The burden’s on the prosecution. The defendant doesn’t even have to open his mouth. That’s in the constitution.

One guy looks at the kids history of reform school, stealing a car.

Challenge: This kid’s been beat up his whole life.

The boy is guilty. Period.

Challenge: the angle of the wound doesn’t really make sense for a switch blade.

PREJUDICE

I’ve lived among these guys all my life. They’re all liars.

Challenge: only an ignorant man would believe that.

It’s these kids. The way they are now a days.

He’s a common ignorant slob who don’t even speak good English.

Challenge: who doesn’t even speak good English.

They’re all alike. Come to our country for 2 second and think they can tell us how to run the show.

These people don’t need a reason to kill. Big drinkers. All of ‘em. Then bang. Someone’s lying in the gutter. That’s how they are. By nature. Violent. Not a one of ‘em is any good.

Challenge: people get up and turn away as he goes on his prejudice rant.

Challenge: Foreman tells him to sit down and not open his mouth again after his rant.

Challenge: it’s always a difficult thing to keep personal prejudice out of a thing like this, and prejudice always obscures the truth.

One juror blames the suspect like he blames his own son for anger and hurt that he feels after his son hit him in a fight and he hasn’t seen him for two years.

Challenge: Juror rips up the picture of him and his son, then cries “not guilty.”

ASSUMING THE WITNESSES WERE ACCURATE

The woman saw the boy stab him from the window.

Challenge: through the window of a passing L train. Let me ask you a question. You don’t believe the boy’s story. Why do you believe hers. She’s one of them. Isn’t she? (This also challenges prejudice)

There’s 2 witnesses.

Challenge: They could be wrong. Couldn’t they.

The neighbor downstairs heard the boy say I’m gonna kill you, then the man drop, then saw the boy running away.

Challenge: I was wondering how he could hear it so clearly through the ceiling. It’ not easy to identify a shouting voice from downstairs.

Challenge: With the L train roaring by, which is unbearably loud, there’s no way the guy downstairs could have heard the boy’s voice and identified it.

Why would he lie? What’s he got to gain?

Challenge: attention maybe. The older witness with a torn jacket could be someone who’s never had his name in the newspaper, needs to be quoted, maybe make himself believe he saw the boy.

The neighbor saw him running out of the house.

Challenge: he said he did.

Challenge: witnesses can make mistakes.

Reasonable doubts. That’s just words. The guy was seen ramming this knife into his father.

Challenge: That’s not the knife. Remember.

He was an old man. He was confused how can he be positive about anything.

Challenge: Everyone looks at him, and he feels bad, realizing he just discredited the witness he was trying to say was right.

Challenge: by looking at the diagram of the apartment, figuring how far the old man would walk in 15 seconds, and getting timed walking as if he had a bad leg like the witness after the stroke, it took 41 seconds.

Challenge: the old man could have heard a fight, then 3 hours later heard the fall.

Challenge: The woman witness rubbed her nose and had marks on her face from glasses, putting her eyesight into question. She was in bed when she saw the murder through the window and the windows of a passing L train. Probably didn’t have her glasses on in bed.

NOT LOOKING BENEATH THE SURFACE

I’ve never seen a knife like that.

Challenge: pulls out a similar knife and stabs it on the table.

Challenge: how many times have we used that phrase: “I’m gonna kill you.” We say it everyday. We don’t mean it.

Challenge: do you think the boy would really shout out “I’m gonna kill you” and then kill him. He’s much too bright for that.

Challenge: At the trial, on the surface he looks guilty, but not if you look deeper. Why would the boy kill him, then come back 3 hours later?

The guy runs at him. “I’ll kill him.”

Challenge: “you don’t really mean you’ll kill me do you?,” proving the point that people say I’ll kill him without really doing it.

The boy couldn’t even remember the names of the movies he just saw or the stars.

Challenge: when under a little pressure, the jury foreman couldn’t remember the exact name or the stars of the second feature he saw.

JUST WANT THIS OVER

What are we gonna do? Stay here all night.

Challenge: a boy’s life is at stake.

You know he’s guilty. Better wrap it up. You’re wasting time.

Challenge: suppose you were the one guilty.

NOT CARING

Challenge: you can’t play with a guy’s life like that. Voting guilty because baseball tickets are burning a hole in your pocket then not guilty because you’re tired of us bickering.

ASSUMING THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY DID HIS JOB

Kid had a lawyer. Lawyer knew he didn’t have a chance.

Challenge: he was court appointed. Could mean he didn’t want the case. It’s the kind of case that brings you nothing, no money, no glory.

ASSUMING THE EVIDENCE IS NOT QUESTIONABLE

Challenge: the angle of the wound doesn’t really make sense for a switch blade.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Profound Ending

What I learned doing this assignment is to tweak my profound truth and shape the ending to express it.

1. PROFOUND TRUTH:

Instead of judging creatures by their features, let them show what’s special inside.

How will it be delivered powerfully in the ending?

Rosemary knows Kyo’s more than what the alien pandas created him for. He’s her son. He can fight Incisor’s “programming.” There’s something special inside of him. She stops fighting him and gives him the chance to show what’s special inside, to make a choice.

There’s something special inside of him, free will. He can choose to fight for his father, Incisor, a giant panda, in wiping out the humans as he was created for or to join her and fight against Incisor and his panda invaders.

She fends off humans who are out to get Kyo now too.

Gives Kyo a chance to show who he really is, the Promised Panda. She loves him no matter what choice he makes. She can’t help it, can’t fight it anymore.

When Incisor attacks Blaze, Kyo shows what’s special inside by protecting Blaze by attacking Incisor, his father.

Rosemary and Kyo team up, and show what’s special inside:

Rosemary sacrifices her life to save Kyo’s (showing what’s special inside her)

But Kyo, the promised panda, nibbles Rosemary to regenerate her back to life. (Showing what’s special in him.)

When Kyo almost kills his father, Incisor, Rosemary even sees something special inside Incisor, inside her enemy, inside this creature, this alien giant panda that inseminated her. She realizes that she’s partly to blame for this because she artificially inseminated Incisor’s daughter against her will, and that’s why he’s been against her, that’s partly why he chose to abduct her, experiment on her and inseminate her. And put a panda inside her against her will, because he felt she deserved it. But now, she’s glad he did, because she loves Kyo with all her heart.

Kyo becomes the new leader with what’s special inside: he believes humans and pandas can live side by side, can learn to live together. Can stop judging each other. If his mom can do it, anyone can.

Kyo gives invading pandas a choice, leave Earth or live in peace with Earth’s creatures, like his human Mom Rosemary. A deal is made: if we stop inseminating pandas against their will, they’ll stop doing it to us. If it’s their will, fine, but no forced breeding.

Kyo’s special in that he says his first words, the first talking panda.

Rosemary sees what’s special about the pandas, how each panda has something unique about them, and by treating them right, they treat her right.

2. How do your lead characters (Change Agent and Transformable Characters) come to an end in a way that represents the completed change?

ROSEMARY (Transformable character):

Rosemary fights for her panda son Kyo and trusts him to make the right choice even though he triggered the alien invasion that could wipe out the human race.

Rosemary becomes part of a team when she teams up with Kyo to fight Incisor, Kyo’s father and his invaders.

Rosemary becomes a good mother, sacrificing her life for her son’s. She cares about Kyo so much she stops him from killing his own father, Incisor (which she thinks could be damaging to Kyo) even though Incisor leads the invasion.

Rosemary thinks she should be the one to kill Incisor, who abducted her, experimented on her, and inseminated her with an alien panda against her will. But now, she’s glad he did, because she loves her panda son Kyo with all her heart. She can’t kill Incisor.

BLAZE (Change agent)

Blaze taught Rosemary his vision: that her son Kyo is the promised panda, but now Blaze goes through denial that Kyo
triggered the invasion.

Blaze goes through his own stages of grief, and suffers doubt, but his protege, Rosemary, comes to believe in Kyo, stops fighting him, and gives him a chance to be the promised panda Blaze foresaw.

Incisor attacks Blaze, and Kyo shows he has free will by protecting him and attacking Incisor.

Rosemary uses the training Blaze gave her to fight for her panda and team up with him against Incisor and the invaders. Blaze, inspired, and his team of woman warriors fight side by side with Rosemary and Kyo against the invading alien pandas.

Blaze taught Rosemary she’d have to make sacrifices for Kyo, and she now sacrifices her life to save Kyo’s.

Blaze goes down in battle.

As Blaze lies dying, he sees Kyo nibble Rosemary’s neck to regenerate her back to life, proving Blaze right: he is the Promised Panda.

3. What are the setup/payoffs that complete in the end of this movie, giving it deep meaning?

Blaze’s vision that Kyo is the promised panda is fulfilled.

Blaze’s training of Rosemary to protect Kyo is paid off as she does.

Rosemary trying to join the team is paid off as she becomes part of the team with Kyo and the others.

Blaze and Rosemary passion for each other in training sessions is paid off at the end when Rosemary’s pregnant with his baby.

4.How are you designing it to have us see an inevitable ending and then making it surprising when it happens?

We see Kyo is the promised panda, but it’s surprising after we find he was made to trigger the invasion, and sent the signal that caused the invasion.

Incisor claiming to be Rosemary’s father is surprising but inevitable since he inseminated her.

Rosemary sacrificing herself to save Kyo is surprising but inevitable as she’s the mother, she’s been trained to protect him no matter what, and make sacrifices for him.

Kyo nibbling her and bringing her back is surprising but inevitable as he is the promised panda and we’ve seen his teeth regenerate instantly.

5. What is the Parting Image/Line that leaves us with the Profound Truth in our minds?

Kyo touches Rosemary’s stomach, which moves. Kyo shrieks.

Rosemary’s ultrasound shows what’s special inside her now: a fetus. Is it panda? No, it’s a healthy, human fetus.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Connection With Audience

What I learned doing this assignment is to find relatable situations Rosemary could be in as she deals with the difficult pandas, so we can feel empathy.

1. Rosemary, the transformable character

RELATABILITY:

Rosemary has to clean up after the pandas, and they are disgusting creatures she feels.

Her job and insurance refuse to pay her for the time she was in the coma after being bitten by a panda with rabies even though it happened at work.

Her boss tells her Blaze is hurting the panda community and she’s suspicious of her boss.

B. INTRIGUE:

She believes the pandas have a hidden agenda against her.

Has a weird nightmare where she’s kidnapped by pandas.

Finds herself munching on bamboo.

Gives birth to a panda.

Incisor, a giant scarred panda, always seems to be watching her, growling at her, and when she tries to kill her baby panda, it pounces on her, and all the other pandas do too.

She’s rescued/kidnapped by Blaze.

C. EMPATHY:

Has to artificially inseminate pandas she’s repulsed by.

Pandas scream when she tries to artificially inseminate them.

Pandas crap on her. From above tree.

Pandas refuse to do anything she tries to get them to do, like mate.

A baby panda dies under her watch, and she’s blamed for it.

Flashbacks of getting bit by a panda and coma. And maybe of getting abducted by pandas and experimented on.

Hurt that insurance won’t cover bills for time in coma.

Has to live there at the zoo like an animal because her house went into foreclosure since they didn’t pay her for time in coma.

Wakes up in panda cage once and doesn’t know how she got there.

Scared of getting attacked in sleep and not ever having real home again.

Scared by nightmares, flashbacks of getting bitten. Nightmares of pandas kidnapping her, experimenting on her.

Scared to get close to a panda, or human

Scared of their panda’s hidden agenda.

Horrified that she gave birth to a panda.

Afraid to get bitten again. Was hurt.

Pounced on by Incisor and his panda community.

Kidnapped by Blaze.

D. LIKABILITY:

Takes care of a panda, fixes up a panda’s wound even though she’s disgusted by pandas.

Panda tries to claw or bite a little girl and she protects the little girl. Save a little girl trapped by pandas.

When she gives birth, some people call her the miracle mother. Compare her to mother Mary maybe. Dub her Mother Mary or Mother Rosemary.

Many around the world come to see her and the baby panda.

Her baby panda Kyo likes her.

Can’t go through with killing her panda son, Kyo.

Blaze saw she didn’t kill her baby.

Someone on Blaze’s team could practically worship her, for being the mother of the promised panda.

Maybe she even takes care of her own panda, protects it a little even though thinks it’s abomination.

When they are kidnapped she protects it a little.

[Mark Roeder]

What I learned doing this assignment is to create a new challenge for Rosemary when weaving in the emotional gradients. She fails the final test to join Blaze’s team and can’t see her panda son Kyo.

1. Transformational Logline:

A veterinarian repulsed by the pandas she artificially inseminates gives birth to a panda, finds out it’s an alien creation and teams up with her panda to stop a hidden alien agenda.

2. Main character: transformable character (Rosemary)

3. 4-Act Structure:

Act 1: 

Opening: Rosemary artificially inseminates pandas she is repulsed by. She reluctantly does her job, controlling them the best she can, scientific in a cold hearted way.

She thinks the pandas are all the same, like a scarred giant panda who seems vicious toward her, and believes they have a hidden agenda against her

Inciting Incident: Rosemary gives birth to a panda.

Emotion: Denial

Action: Rosemary doesn’t believe she gave birth to a panda. It’s impossible. It doesn’t make sense. She accuses people of messing with her head, playing a dirty trick on her, stealing her real baby and replacing it with a panda. There’s no way it could be hers.

Weakness: She’s suspicious

Emotion: Anger

Action: She attempts to kill her baby panda.

Challenge: She gave birth to a creature she thinks is an abomination.
Weakness: Reluctant. Can’t go through with it.

Turning Point: When she tries to kill Kyo, her own panda son, she’s pounced on by Incisor, the scarred giant panda and his panda community and rescued/kidnapped by Blaze.

Act 2: 

Emotion: Bargaining.

Action: She pleads that she wasn’t going to do it. Swears to Kyo she won’t do that again even if he is a panda. Bargains with Blaze to let her go.

Challenge: Blaze says Kyo is an alien creation and that all pandas are aliens.
Weakness: Judgmental against pandas, scientific in a cold, heartless way, can’t come to grips with her feelings for her son and if it’s really hers if it’s an alien creation.

Blaze’s vision: Rosemary’s panda, Kyo, the first full panda born from a human, is the Promised Panda that will stop the panda alien invasion. Blaze leads an army of women who have been abducted and experimented on by the pandas. He believes Rosemary must protect Kyo and join them in their battle with the alien pandas.

New plan: to escape Blaze and his team and fight alien pandas on her own.

Plan in action: She escapes, and discovers Kyo stowed away with her.

Midpoint Turning Point. Lena Zu (the betrayer on Blaze’s team) hunts them and tries to kill Kyo, and Rosemary saves Kyo by killing Lena. (Lena doesn’t believe in the promised panda, can’t get over her panda prejudice after they abducted her and experimented on her)

Act 3: 

Rethink everything: Rosemary realizes humans can be as bad as pandas. She doesn’t understand why she saved Kyo. Could he be the promised panda?

New plan: she decides she wants to join Blaze’s team, but they only take her son Kyo, and she has to pass dangerous tests to join the team. Blaze’ll train her how to fight the alien pandas and protect her son. During these tests, her bond with her son develops more. In one test, she fails to protect Kyo from a rock that injures his jaw, and she discovers he can regenerative his teeth instantly, and believes he is the Promised Panda now, but she fails the final test. They won’t let her join now. They don’t trust her. She almost makes it, feels she does everything she needed to, but can’t join team. Can’t even see Kyo.

A. Emotion: Depression

B. Action: Has nightmares about pandas, can’t sleep, watches stuff about pandas, like Blaze’s doc that showed her get experimented on by aliens, led by the scarred giant panda. Maybe kidnaps and locks up her panda son. Won’t let him out of cage. Studies him. Decides to let him go. Opens cage. So he can go fulfill his destiny without her. He hugs her goodbye.

C. Challenge: doesn’t make team. Can’t see Kyo.
Weakness: gives up.

She now feels she can’t live without her panda Kyo. She decides to track him down and make Blaze let her join the team.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: She learns her son’s birth triggered the invasion, that he sent a signal and now Incisor, the scarred giant panda, his community and other pandas, some from ships that come down, attack and kill millions of men and abduct millions of women.

Act 4: 

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Rosemary fights her son Kyo, but then decides to fight for him no matter what. Incisor, the scarred giant panda, the one who inseminated Rosemary, claims to be Kyo’s father. Kyo has a dilemma, mother or father, panda or human. Incisor kills Blaze, and Rosemary and Kyo team up to stop Incisor.

Rosemary and Kyo have to go through Incisor’s army and then fight him. Rosemary sacrifices her life to save Kyo’s. But Kyo, the promised panda, nibbles Rosemary to regenerate her back to life.

By defeating Kyo’s father, Kyo becomes the new leader and has the other pandas step down.

A. Emotion: Acceptance

B. Action: Rosemary decides to be as good a mother as she can, and fight for her baby panda, no matter what. She teams up with him, and realizes he has free will, to make his own choice to fight the aliens or join them.

C. Challenge: The alien pandas attack.

Weakness: Has to learn she can’t control her panda.

Resolution: At the zoo animal hospital, Rosemary wrestles with Kyo, playing with him. A human is rough with a panda, and Kyo growls. Rosemary protects the other panda against the abuser. Her son and her now lead a team on treating the pandas with love and not discriminating against them. This is no easy task, since many humans lost loved ones in the war against the pandas.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark’s Three Gradients

What I learned doing this assignment is to take Rosemary through the forced change stages, like the depression stage, which forced me to come up with new ideas, which is good. I think this helps the movie to feel more grounded.

1. Forced change

2.

A. Emotion: Denial

B. Action: Rosemary doesn’t believe that she gave birth to a panda. It’s impossible. It doesn’t make sense. She accuses people of messing with her head, playing a dirty trick on her, stealing her real baby and replacing it with a panda. There’s no way it could be hers.

C. Challenge: She gave birth to a panda
Weakness: She’s suspicious

A. Emotion: Anger

B. Action: She attempts to kill her baby panda.

C. Challenge: She gave birth to a creature she thinks is an abomination.
Weakness: Reluctant. Can’t go through with it.

A. Emotion: Bargaining.

B. Action: She pleads that she wasn’t going to do it. Swears to her panda son she won’t do that again even if he is a panda. Bargains with Blaze to let her go.

C. Challenge: Giant pandas pounce on her, and she’s rescued/kidnapped by Blaze, who takes her panda also. He says her panda is an alien creation, that he’s the promised panda who’s the key to stopping an invasion and she needs to protect him.
Weakness: Judgmental against pandas, scientific in a cold, heartless way, can’t come to grips with love she feels for her son and if it’s really hers if it’s an alien creation.

A. Emotion: Depression

B. Action: Has nightmares about pandas, can’t sleep, watches stuff about pandas, like Blaze’s doc that showed her get experimented on by aliens. Maybe locks up her panda son. Won’t let him out of cage. Studies him. Maybe takes him on road trip away from others. Maybe decides to kill herself and her son, run car off road.

C. Challenge: Discovers her panda was created to trigger the alien panda invasion, not stop it.
Weakness: gives up.

A. Emotion: Acceptance

B. Action: She decides to be as good a mother as she can, and fight for her baby panda, no matter what. She teams up with him, and realizes he has free will, to make his own choice to fight the aliens or join them.

C. Challenge: The alien pandas attack.
Weakness: Has to learn she can’t control her panda.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Lead Characters:

What I learned doing this assignment is to invent a change agent, Blaze, and a betraying character, a woman in the resistance who was experimented on by panda aliens and can’t get over her panda prejudice.

1. Transformational journey logline:

A veterinarian repulsed by the pandas she artificially inseminates gives birth to a panda, finds out it’s an alien creation and teams up with her panda to stop a hidden alien agenda.

2. Change Agent:

The change agent could be Blaze, a former documentary filmmaker who leads an army of women who have been abducted and experimented on by panda aliens. When Rosemary, the veterinarian, almost kills Kyo, her own panda son that she thinks is an abomination, giant pandas pounce on her and Blaze rescues her and takes her and Kyo with him.

Blaze’s vision: Rosemary’s panda, Kyo, is the Promised Panda, the first full panda born from a human. This promised panda, he believes, is the key to stopping the alien invasion.

His past experience that fits this vision:

Blaze’s wife was abducted by alien pandas. He went to rescue her. He saw and documented them experimenting on her. She gave birth to a hybrid: a half panda half human. His wife died during child birth. He tried to kill the hybrid, but kept it. It bit him. He had a hallucination that the hybrid talked to him with this message: that the first full panda born to a human would be the key to stopping the invasion.

3. Transformable Character:

Rosemary, the veterinarian who gives birth to Kyo the panda, is the transformable character.

Rosemary used to believe in the preservation of pandas and artificially inseminated them for a scientific zoo she works for. One time, she was bitten by a panda with rabies, went into a coma and almost died.

She now has a fear of pandas. She suspects something is up with them and knows they are not the cute, cuddly creatures people think they are. But she can’t get out of the contract she signed with the zoo, so she reluctantly continues her work. She’s scientific in a cold, heartless way.

Some say she’s paranoid. She believes that not only are they disgusting and sometimes lazy creatures, but that they are vicious and have a hidden agenda. She’s judgmental against all pandas now.

Rosemary gives birth to Kyo, a panda. She’s at first horrified, considers it an abomination and almost kills it.

By the end, she learns to love Kyo, her panda, fight for him and trust him even though he may trigger an alien invasion that could wipe out the human race.

She becomes an insightful, caring mother, part of a team, and she loves her panda with all her heart.

4. The Oppression:

The Oppression could be the alien agenda, the panda alien invasion.

Centuries ago, an alien ship crashed in Tibet mountains, and pandas came out. They slowly spread throughout Asia, thriving most in the bamboo forest of central china.

Pandas are not the cute, cuddly creatures people think they are. Far from it. They have a hidden agenda, to spread and take over our entire planet, artificially inseminating humans with pandas, using us to breed them.

Pandas are thought of as lazy, but they are resting, waiting, saving up their energy for the time to attack, which is now.

Occasionally they attacked hunters, but kept it secret.

One phase of their plan was to fool humans and get them to help us. The current one is to inseminate us. And with the birth of the first full panda from a human, a signal was sent to their species, and more pandas are coming with advanced tech to ensure their population of earth, and the total submission of humans.

5. Betraying Character:

The Betraying Character could be Lena Zu, one of the woman in the resistance who was experimented on by the panda aliens, so she also hates pandas. She can’t get over her panda prejudice, and doesn’t believe this so called “promised panda” is the key to stopping the invasion. She thinks it will only trigger the invasion and wipe them out, so she decides to kill Kyo and anyone who gets in her way, even her entire team including Rosemary and Blaze, their leader, if need be.<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Transformational Journey

What I learned doing this assignment is my veterinarian lead character could be repulsed by the pandas she artificially inseminates, convinced they are all the same disgusting, lazy creatures. Her transformational journey may not be as good as becoming the one in The Matrix yet, but it’s got a possible beginning and ending.

Transformational logline:

A veterinarian repulsed by the pandas she artificially inseminates
Gives birth to a panda, finds out it’s an alien creation
And teams up with her panda to stop a hidden alien agenda.

2. Old ways:
Suspicious
paranoid
Judgemental
Generalizer
Puts all pandas in a box, like they are all the same disgusting, lazy creatures.
reluctant
Scientific in a cold, heartless way

3. New ways:
Supportive
Learns to love her panda, fight for him and trust him even though he may trigger an alien invasion that could wipe out the human race.
Part of a team
Caring
Mother
Good mother
Insightful
Loves her panda with all her heart

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s First Three Decisions:

What I learned doing this assignment is by looking beneath the concept, I found a profound truth similar to what we’re doing on this assignment: to look under the surface, and not to judge by what’s on the surface.

1. What is your profound truth?

Instead of judging creatures for their features, look beneath.

2. What is the change your movie will cause with an audience?

Inspires us to look beneath the surface of someone for what’s really there.

3. What entertainment vehicle will you choose?

A world where pandas are really aliens

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Analysis of Groundhog Day

What I learned doing this assignment is I can see myself in Phil in certain ways and realize I’ve felt certain things, like “I shouldn’t be here” “I’m wasting my time” “I should leave.” “I don’t have time for this” instead of appreciating people around me. There’s choices we all have to make sometimes between helping ourselves, doing what we want, achieving our goals or helping others at times. It’s easy to get caught up in ourselves and not care about what others are going through.

1. THE TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY

Phil Connors, the weatherman, changes. He goes from arrogant and selfish to caring about other people, like Rita, his producer. Goes from hating the town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania to loving it, even wanting to live there. From hating living same day over and over to embracing it, using it.

2. LEAD CHARACTERS

Change agent: Rita (Phil’s producer).

Phil uses living Groundhog Day over and over to try to get Rita, and sees things in her that he’s not: she’s nice to people, caring. As hard as he tries she still sees through him and he realizes he doesn’t deserve her. One day he tells her the truth and proves to her that he can live Groundhog Day over and over, and she suggests he uses it as a blessing instead of a curse, and he’s inspired to do some good with it, to actually help people and save people’s lives.

Transformable character: Phil Connors (the weatherman)

Phil is arrogant, selfish, hates Punxsutawney, the town and wants out. Too full of himself to even eat with Rita and Larry, the cameraman. Doesn’t see blessing of what he has and who is around him. Thinks of himself as above all this stuff.

Oppression: being forced to live the same day (Groundhog Day) over and over again.

3. CONNECTION WITH AUDIENCE

RELATABILITY

Even though Phil’s full of himself, he has a funny sense of humor making sarcastic jokes and there’s things about him I can relate to: he doesn’t want to go do this job he’s done before, feels he should be doing something better, feels he’s wasting his time doing this. While not that many of us have reported on groundhogs seeing their shadow before, we’ve all probably felt similar things about having to do a job that seems menial that we don’t want to do. Like Phil, we’ve all probably been stuck in a place we don’t want to be.

I can relate to him wanting a cappuccino when there’s coffee, because I like cappuccinos and find humor in his attitude even though he’s being a selfish jerk and doesn’t really appreciate what he has. It’s easy to take things for granted.
I and most people have at some point felt we could be spending our time in a better way.

INTRIGUE

There’s mystery and intrigue with him living Groundhog Day again and again. Why is everything happening again? How is that possible? What are the rules? What does he do with the day? Can he break the cycle, the time loop? We can think about what we would do if it happened to us.

4. OLD WAYS VS. NEW WAYS

Old ways:
Phil’s arrogant, self centered,

Would rather be alone than eat with others. 
Can’t seem to connect deeply with people, doesn’t want to. Says Rita’s “fun, but not my kind of fun.” Says “people are morons.”

Hates Punxsutawney, the town, and can’t relate to “hicks” there, feels above them. Wants out of town. He says “chance of departure today 100%.”

Not excited about his job.

Sarcastic, even on the air. Sarcastically says he’s sure he’ll love the festivities. Never serious.

A prima donna, as Larry, his camera guy says, and the definition fits: a person who is self-centered, temperamental, and behaves in a way that is demanding or diva-like

Doesn’t help people.

Thinks things like poetry a waste of time.

Tricks women to get them into bed without really caring about them.

New way at end:

Helpful, saves lives, changes old ladies’ tire.

Can quote poetry, learns to play piano and chisels ice sculptures, like Rita’s face.

Cares about people, likes town.

Cares about Rita for who she really is.

GRADIENT OF CHANGE:

1. Beginning: arrogant, thinks he’s above this job, this town, Punxsutawney, and the people in it. Doesn’t want to get close to Rita and Larry, who he works with. Sarcastic. Never serious.

2. Confused about living same day after day. Questions if it’s in his head. Gets serious and has his head examined.

3. Helps the drunk guys. 1st time he’s done something helpful.

4. Realizes can do whatever he wants. No consequences. He can drive recklessly, get chased by cops, drive on train tracks, go to jail and still wake up in his bed and breakfast at 6am on Groundhog Day, again. Even learns not to step in the same puddle.

5. Town begins to grow on him. He uses his ability to impress Nancy and steal money. Calls out Rita’s name in bed as he’s with Nancy.

6. Decides to go after Rita. Rita tells him what kind of man she wants. He uses living the same day over to his advantage, getting to know everything about Rita, impressing her, blowing it over and over again but getting a little farther each time. His tricks and lies only get him so far. Saying “I love you” blows it for him, because she doesn’t think he knows her. Gets slapped repeatedly.

7. Gives up after he can’t get Rita. Frustrated. Steals ground hog. Even kills himself multiple times, only to wake up at 6am when his alarm goes off.

8. Tries honesty and proves to Rita he can live the same day over and over again. Admits he’s a jerk. Rita tells him maybe it’s not a curse that he can live a thousand lifetimes. Starts to care about Rita more. Admits that he doesn’t deserve her.

9. Starts being kind. Gives money to homeless person he passed so many times before. Decides to use his gift of living life every day to play piano. Using this thing as gift instead of curse. Tries to stop old homeless man from dying. Gives him soup. Food. Mouth to mouth recitation. Saves people. Kid falling. Guy choking. Helps old ladies who got flat tire.

10. After doing the day right, saving people, treating Rita like the caring gentleman he has become even when she “buys” him in auction, he gets rewarded and wakes up with her on Feb 3, the day after groundhog day. He finally broke the cycle!

BELIEFS CHALLENGED.

How is the “old way” challenged? What beliefs are challenged that cause a main character to shift their perspective…and make the change?

Phil’s want to get out of town is challenged by the blizzard and then having to live the same day over and over so he can’t get out.

Phil hating the “hick” town and thinking it’s only a place to escape from is challenged by him getting to know people in the town and genuinely liking them. Town grows on him.

Thinking he’s above everyone challenged as he gets to know people, like Rita, and realizes he doesn’t deserve her. That challenges his arrogance.

Her slapping him over and over again challenges his tricky, lying ways.

PROFOUND MOMENTS:

The lyrics “I got you babe” are a juxtaposition to him waking up alone every day to the same song.

He wakes up for a third time at 6 am to alarm playing “I got you babe.” The pencil he broke is whole again, not broken anymore.

Drunk guys tell Phil he can do anything now. No consequences.

After reckless driving and being put in jail, he wakes up in his bed again at 6am. Becomes ecstatic. This is the first time he’s glad to live day again.

Calls out Rita’s name when in bed with Nancy.

Rita tells Phil what kind of man she wants.

Phil and Rita walk home and Rita is amazed at the difference between the day she expected and the day she got.

She slaps him for making her care about him.

The clock looks huge a it turns from 5:59 to 6:00, like the clock is oppressing him, a symbol of his oppression.

Drives truck off cliff. Truck explodes. Wakes up in bed after dying.

Impresses Nancy by knowing everything about everyone in the restaurant, even though they don’t know him.

He tells her everything about her.

He writes down what Larry will say when he comes in, and she’s mystified.

Admits to Rita that he’s a jerk.

Rita says maybe it’s not a curse.

After he gets Rita to stay the first time, he still wakes up on Groundhog Day again.

Gives homeless person money.

Gives him soup.

Gives him mouth to mouth in street to try to save him.

On his news report when the groundhog comes out, Phil gives a profound speech respecting Groundhog Day and the town instead of the schtick he was saying before.

Instead of accepting Rita’s invitation for coffee, he goes to save people.

Catches kid when he falls.

Stops guy from choking.

At the Groundhog Day Festival Banquet party, Phil Impresses Rita with how well he plays piano and how he saved so many people and they all love him.

Phil chisels an ice sculpture of Rita.

The radio announcers say something new. Rita’s in bed with him. There’s no people going to the groundhog celebration. There’s snow on the streets. It’s a new day.

PROFOUND DIALOGUE:

In traffic blocked by blizzard and cop:

Phil: I make the weather.

On phone:

Phil: What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.

Bowling alley:

Drunk guy: I’m guessing you’re glass half empty type of guy.

Car:

Phil: Let me ask you guys a question. What if there was no tomorrow?

Drunk guy: Oh, that would mean there would be no consequences, be no hangovers, we could do whatever we wanted!

Restaurant:

Rita: I thought you hated this town.

Phil: No, it’s beginning to grow on me.

At groundhog festivities:

Phil: Rita, if you only had one day to live, what would you do with it?

Phil: No, I mean the whole world is about to explode. What do you do?

Rita: I just wanna know where to put the camera.

Restaurant:

Phil: What I really want is someone like you.

Walk home:

Rita: I’m just amazed at how you can start the day expecting one thing and end the day with something completely different.

Rita: I like it very much. Perfect day. Couldn’t plan a day like this.

Phil: Well, actually you can. It just takes an awful lot of work.

Phil’s room:

Rita: I could never love anyone like you, Phil, because you’ll never love anyone but yourself.

Groundhog festivities:

Phil: You know if you want a prediction about the weather, you’re asking the wrong Phil. I’ll give you a prediction. It’s gonna be cold. It’s gonna be gray. And it’s gonna last you for the rest of your life.

Rita: I think there’s something really wrong with Phil.

Larry: Yeah, there’s a lot of things wrong with Phil.

Restaurant:

Phil: You like boats but not the ocean… You’re kind to strangers and children. And when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.

Outside:

Rita: Maybe I should spend the rest of the day with you as an objective witness just to see what happens.

Phil’s room:

Phil: The worst part is that tomorrow you will have forgotten all about this and you’ll treat me like a jerk again. It’s all right. I am a jerk.

Rita: No, you’re not.

Phil: It doesn’t make any difference. I’ve killed myself so many times I don’t even exist anymore.

Rita: Sometimes I wish I had a thousand lifetimes. I don’t know, Phil. Maybe it’s not a curse. It just depends on how you look at it.

Phil: What I meant to say is I guess you’re the kindest, prettiest woman I ever met in my life. I’ve never seen anyone that’s nicer to people than you are. The first time I saw you, something happened to me. I never told you but I wanted to hold you as hard as I could.

Phil: I don’t deserve someone like you, but if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life.

Groundhog festivities:

Phil: When Checkoff saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark, and bereft of hope yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life, but standing here among the people of Punxsutawney, and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter. From Punxsutawney, it’s Phil Connors, So long.

Sculpting ice outside:

Phil: I know your face so well I could’ve done it with my eyes closed.

Outside bed and breakfast:

Phil: It’s so beautiful. Let’s live here. We’ll rent to start.

PROFOUND ENDING:

Phil plays piano at the groundhog day dance. Rita had said she wanted a man who plays an instrument. Phil used groundhog days to take piano lessons and save people. She’s wowed that everyone loves him and he helped so many people, and “buys” him in an auction.

Hearing the lyrics “I got you babe” play every morning at 6am, then hearing it again at the end sets up that it’s repeating, but then the announcers say new things for once.

Rita is there with him. That pays off all the times he woke up alone, even the other time we saw Rita sleep in the same bed as him. There’s no people outside going to the groundhog celebration after we saw that every time. Now there’s snow covering the streets for the first time, like there should be after a blizzard.

PROFOUND TRUTH:

Sometimes when you feel above something, like you’re wasting your time, you’re not seeing what’s really there, the people there, how blessed you are. If you’re too arrogant to even accept a dinner invitation from someone you like who could be the right person if you’d give it a chance, then you need to change. Caring about others and helping them, even saving them, is more rewarding than only caring about yourself. Having too much time or living the same day over and over again could be a curse or a blessing, depending on how you look at it. Use your gift. If you get a second chance, and third and fourth and so on, consider yourself lucky.

[Mark Roeder]

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As a member of this group, I agree to the following:
1. That I will keep the processes, strategies, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class confidential, and that I will NOT share any of this program either privately, with a group, posting online, writing articles, through video or computer programming, or in any other way that would make those processes, teleconferences, communications, lessons, and models of the class available to anyone who is not a member of this class.
2. That each writer’s work here is copyrighted and that writer is the sole owner of that work. That includes this program which is copyrighted by Hal Croasmun. I acknowledge that submission of an idea to this group constitutes a claim of and the recognition of ownership of that idea.
I will keep the other writer’s ideas and writing confidential and will not share this information with anyone without the express written permission of the writer/owner. I will not market or even discuss this information with anyone outside this group.
3. I also understand that many stories and ideas are similar and/or have common themes and from time to time, two or more people can independently and simultaneously generate the same concept or movie idea.
4. If I have an idea that is the same as or very similar to another group member’s idea, I’ll immediately contact Hal and present proof that I had this idea prior to the beginning of the class. If Hal deems them to be the same idea or close enough to cause harm to either party, he’ll request both parties to present another concept for the class.
5. If you don’t present proof to Hal that you have the same idea as another person, you agree that all ideas presented to this group are the sole ownership of the person who presented them and you will not write or market another group member’s ideas.
6. Finally, I agree not to bring suit against anyone in this group for any reason, unless they use a substantial portion of my copyrighted work in a manner that is public and/or that prevents me from marketing my script by shopping it to production companies, agents, managers, actors, networks, studios or any other entertainment industry organizations or people.
This completes the Group Release Form for the class.

[Mark Roeder]

Hi, I’m Mark Roeder. I’ve written 7 feature length scripts. I want my screenplays to be profound.

I’ve made some unique, award-winning short films, like Fire Ripples, about an escaped mental patient (me) who drags a female fire fighter into a raging forest fire and has to control his nature. I did this to develop my craft so I could direct a feature, and whatever genre it is (horror, thriller, sci-fi or fantasy) I want it to be profound. Thank you!

[Mark Roeder]

I’m ready to exchange feedback on the outline if anyone wants to. Let me know.
Thanks,
Mark

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Outline

What I learned doing this assignment is it wasn’t too hard or time-consuming to put together this outline since we were plugging in things from assignments we already did. It was fun coming up with new ideas as I did it. Thank you.

Title: SUPERNATURAL DISASTER

Genre: horror (or horror comedy)

Logline: The ground caves in during a graveyard screening for a movie’s cast and crew, and the corpse of a writer who didn’t get credit for that movie won’t let them leave.

Act 1:

EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT

OPENING: Magdalena’s blocked to get into cemetery. Has to find a way in. She’s the producer and editor of the horror movie about to screen there for a special outdoor cemetery screening for cast and crew.

EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT

High wind warnings, flash flood warnings. Magdalena, Everest, her husband the director, and Ivy, the actress, are the only ones there, and they decide to do the screening anyway. Wind blows screen down.

EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT – LATER

They set it back up. Rain.

EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT – LATER

They set up canopy . Warned not to do screening. Movie starts. Lightning.

LAYER: as they watch the screening of their movie SUPERNATURAL DISASTER it says at the beginning: Written, Directed by and Starring EVEREST.

Ivy asks where her name is, but then it come on, half the size as Everest’s name.

EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT – LATER

LAYER: The movie they watch that they made is about an evil spirit. Ivy plays someone with supernatural powers.. Everest plays her enemy.

Ivy’s upset that Everest cut Ivy’s part down, making himself the main character, which she was supposed to be.

LAYER: Magdalena and Ivy stroke Everest’s ego about his acting.

EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT – LATER

Magdalena thinks Everest’s bad acting is hurting the movie and she plans to help Ivy restore her part.

REVEAL: Everest catches them whispering and cutting down his part in a new cut on Magdalena’s laptop and he walks off .

EXT. CEMETERY – NEAR SKYLAR’S GRAVE

Ivy goes to console/talk to Everest.

EXT. CEMETERY – NEAR SKYLAR’S GRAVE – LATER

CJ (character journey): Everest takes pictures of Ivy by her husband Skylar’s grave.

EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT

Magdalena creeps up and it looks like Everest and Ivy are together, but really he’s just taking pictures of her. She goes back to watch the screening alone.

EXT. CEMETERY – NEAR SKYLAR’S GRAVE – NIGHT

LAYER: Everest and Ivy dedicate this screening to her husband Skylar, since he was “so supportive” of his career. If not for him and his “friendship with Everest,” Ivy may not have even gotten this part.

EXT. CEMETERY – NEAR SKYLAR’S GRAVE – NIGHT – LATER

CJ: Everest seduces Ivy against a tree near Ivy’s husband Skylar’s grave. They’ll get away with it because Magdalena’s consumed by the movie.

CJ: Magdalena catches Everest cheating on her with Ivy.

Magdalena threatens divorce. Everest doesn’t want that. Magdalena threatens to cut Ivy out and recast. Ivy says that’s crazy ‘cause she’s the best thing about the movie. He made her do it for the part. She just wants to make the movie better. Cut his part, not hers. ‘Cause he can’t act.

INCITING INCIDENT: There’s a real earthquake that matches an earthquake on the screen. Lots of destruction and the ground caves in. They fall beneath surface.

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – NIGHT

CJ: Ivy hits her head on the way down and lands in a limp position, unconscious.

Magdalena and Everest are OK, but they’re trapped in a giant cemetery size grave, far below the surface. Magdalena’s claustrophobic, afraid of being buried alive.

CJ: Everest revives Ivy, but now she’s in character and thinks she caused the earthquake, convinced she’s the character she played in the movie with supernatural powers.

She’s also convinced Everest is the character he played, her enemy. And fights him off.

Coffins sticks out of sides of new sunken cemetery formed. Maybe they can use the coffin sticking out to help them climb out.

TURNING POINT/LAYER: Skylar’s corpse comes out of his coffin and won’t let them leave.

Act 2:

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – NIGHT

Movie keeps playing inside sunken grave onto the dirt wall. Magdalena unplugs projector from cable that hangs down. It keeps playing.

They use the cable to help them climb up the dirt wall and try to escape. As they climb, cable falls down and they fall.

Someone grabs a leg bone which sticks out of the side. It breaks. They hit a ledge.

Between Everest and Magdalena all kinds of things about their marriage under the surface bubble up under this pressure. They work a few things out. The cheating is brought up

CJ: Magdalena kicks Everest onto Ivy and they fall down.

Everest and Ivy fall through a coffin when they fall —

EXT. GRAVE – NIGHT

— Into a grave and get stuck in it with rats in it.

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – NIGHT

Ivy climbs out of coffin. Everest climbs out but she kicks him back in.

LAYER: Ivy raises her arm as if she has supernatural powers and Magdalena repels from wall and falls.

Everest climbs out and claims it’s a coincidence that Magdalena fell then, tries to convince Ivy she has no supernatural powers, because she’s Ivy, not the character she played.

Ivy calls Everest by his character name and that causes conflict between them. She fights him because she thinks he’s the enemy he plays in the movie.

Everest gets away from Ivy.

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – NIGHT – LATER

CJ: Everest accuses Magdalena of setting this whole thing up with Skylar, faking his death and using her FX and make up skills to make this look real and get revenge on them for cheating on them.

Magdalena wishes that were true, but didn’t even know they were cheating before this. She says maybe Skylar found out and that’s why he killed himself. She blames Everest for Skylar’s suicide.

Everest has good arguments and examples of why this may not be real. He even finds a camera filming them. Magdalena says he’s the director, he was probably filming them.

CJ: Skylar attacks Magdalena. Tells them they all need to suffer for what they did.

CJ: Everest thinking Skylar’s not really dead, blocks Skylar and pulls skin off him.

CJ: It’s real skin with bone underneath, too thin for make-up

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – NIGHT

CJ: Ivy tries to use her supernatural powers on Skylar. She doesn’t have any supernatural powers:.

CJ: She realizes she’s not that character. She knows she’s Ivy now.

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – ANOTHER SECTION

REVEAL: Skylar’s corpse attacks Magdalena accusing her of cutting his name out of credits. Magdalena says you didn’t write the script. My husband Everest did. Ivy says Skylar wrote it.

LAYER/REVEAL: Ivy tells Skylar she tried to stop Everest from stealing his script. Everest says you gave it to me. Ivy says that was the only way I could get the part.

REVEAL: Ivy tells Skylar if he wouldn’t have let the evil spirit the script was about possess him and wouldn’t have neglected her, she wouldn’t have brought the script to Everest and cheated on him.

LAYER: Skylar says there was a contract and he deserves credit. Skylar says he’s keeping them there because they stole his script and didn’t give him credit.

REVEAL: Everest tells Skylar he offered Skylar a contract, but he blew it by not signing it. Skylar says he wouldn’t give him what he wanted and Everest says he had ridiculous demands.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT/REVEAL: They almost climb out of the sunken cemetery, but Skylar uses supernatural abilities to create a flood, which washes them down lower to the bottom and could drown them. It’s really Skylar who has had supernatural powers to cause the earthquake and make Magdalena fall.

Act 3:

EXT. SUNKEN GRAVEYARD – NIGHT

Flood sends them down farther than before completely out of control sinking. Could die.

Magdalena survives. Massive destruction by flood, skeletons and corpses everywhere in water.

CJ: Magdalena steps on Ivy, pushing her down into flooding water.

CJ: Magdalena decides to save Ivy. Help her out.

CJ/REVEAL: Ivy, barely alive, tells her she saw a contract Skylar made with the evil spirit. She thought he made it up for the script he was writing about the evil spirit, but now she sees the truth. The evil spirit was real and it possessed him.

Magdalena thinks Ivy’s still confused about reality vs. the movie.

Ivy thinks Skylar signed a contract with an evil spirit, that it’s there in the cemetery, and they need to destroy it.

Magdalena and Everest don’t believe her at first, but Ivy explains how Skylar was one way, then became obsessed, traveling the world looking for clues about this evil spirit, then at one point he changed, he was possessed, he had made a contract that he signed. Ivy convinces them it’s true.

PLACEHOLDER: They believe the contract was buried with Skylar in his grave or that it was in a folder or case that Everest brought to this screening, with some memorabilia they brought for the Q and A and awards ceremony after the movie, where Everest planned to give himself awards for everything.

Skylar accuses Everest and Ivy of planning to kill him. Magdalena says she overheard them planing a murder one day, but thought they were rehearsing a new scene for this movie, but now she’s convinced they did it.

Ivy says they were just speculating, had no real plan, and Magdalena saw Skylar kill himself when he came to the set upset.

Magdalena didn’t know why Skylar was upset then, but it’s because not only were they not crediting him, they weren’t even filming what he wrote verbatim.

Magdalena accuses Everest and Ivy of killing Skylar and making it look like a suicide.

CJ: Skylar wants them to suffer, to die very slowly, and buries Everest and Ivy alive

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – NIGHT – LATER

CJ: Magdalena disguises Ivy and Everest in zombie-make up.

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – NIGHT – LATER

Everest and Ivy are literally buried underground. Ivy tells Everest he ruined the movie by acting in it, he should have cast someone else in that part, and focus on directing, his only real skill. She says he better not blow this by bad acting.

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – NIGHT – LATER

CJ: Everest and Ivy have to rise like zombies to throw Skylar off. Ivy kicks Everest back in and buries him.

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – ANOTHER SECTION – NIGHT

Magdalena searches for the contract,

EXT. GRAVE – NIGHT

Magdalena has to search a grave, can’t find it

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – NIGHT

Magdalena gets out of that grave, trudges on. Flood water could come around a corner at her. It does.

Gets head above water, swims through it.

Rats come after her. Throws them off

Dead bodies and skeletons everywhere. Climbs over them.

EXT. SUNKEN CEMETERY – ANOTHER SECTION – NIGHT

CJ: Ivy’s great as this zombie character. It freaks Skylar out, who retreats.

Everest crawls out, but his make-up is restricting, driving Everest crazy. It helps his acting as zombie.

CJ: Skylar sees through Everest’s bad acting.

CJ: Everest pleads with Skylar, then runs.

CJ: Skylar uses his supernatural abilities to make his tombstone fall on Everest, which injures him.

EXT. CEMETERY – NIGHT – ANOTHER SECTION

Skylar goes after Magdalena.

TURNING POINT 3:

CJ: Magdalena finds the contract. It gives Skylar supernatural powers if he keeps their souls there. He made the deal to get revenge on them for stealing his script and not giving him writing credit.

Skylar comes after Magdalena.

CJ: Magdalena burns the contract, and Skylar burns. Everest cheers.

CJ: Skylar’s ash reforms and he comes back to life in a new more powerful scarier form, 10 times more dangerous than before.

His supernatural ability has increased to the point that he sees into their minds or into the past that Everst and Ivy did plan to kill him.

Ivy claims it was Everest’s plan, that she had no choice, and Skylar didn’t let them do it anyway. He killed himself.

CJ: Skylar kills Everest and Ivy.

Act 4:

Magdalena’s lost only companions in there, including her own husband.

EXT. SUNKEN GRAVEYARD – NIGHT

CJ: Magdalena digs tunnel and plans to break contract Skylar made by digging her way out (so he can’t keep their souls there).

Climax/ultimate expression of the conflict:

EXT. MAGDALENA’S TUNNEL – NIGHT

CJ: Skylar, in his new form, comes after her in tunnel. She cuts off Skylar’s limbs.

His arms and legs come after her, choking her. She chops his leg into pieces. Skylar’s disembodied hand grabs knife and chops her foot off.

She blocks the bleeding and fights the hand with a knife, cutting its fingers off.

His body parts reform into Skylar. She cuts off his head.

Skylar’s head, with its enhanced supernatural abilities, tells her now he sees she knew Everest didn’t write the script. But she cut his name out anyway and let him take credit.

The disembodied head bites her.

She says she was being a supportive wife to Everest and Skylar sabotaged himself by not signing contract. And she apologizes for cutting his name out.

She smashes his disembodied head in.

Each time he comes back stronger, deadlier, meaner. More dangerous, more evil.

Skylar buries her in tunnel. She has to overcome claustrophobia to get out.

Digs tiny tunnel out. Gas from bodies and stuff making it toxic down there. She passes out.

Water rushes into tunnel.

Water revives her. She’s buried alive.

EXT. CEMETERY – DAY

CJ: Outside cemetery, a body rises.

EXT. OUTSIDE CEMETERY – DAY

CJ: It’s Magdalena, alive.

CJ: Through the cemetery fence: she sees Skylar dissolve because she broke his contract with the evil spirit. She got out.

RESOLUTION:

EXT. OUTSIDE CEMETERY – DAY

REVEAL: She walks away, and Skylar stands there, in human form now. He says congratulations! You’re the sole survivor of the “who can escape” reality show. People come up with cameras. Lights come on exposing the cemetery set with lights above it, all set up to quake and flood and everything. All the tricks and secrets given away.

She’s given a choice: she wins $200,000 or she can be on the next show trapped underneath an airport and if she escapes that, she wins one million dollars.

Only has thirty seconds to decide whether to take the $200,000 for escaping the cemetery or do the next show or she loses it all.

Magdalena attacks all the equipment used to film the show.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Writes Great Hope/Fear

What I learned doing this assignment is to create an emotional journey by brainstorming dangers, increasing tension and alternating fears with hope.

Concept: The ground caves in during a graveyard screening for a movie’s cast and crew, and the corpse of a writer who didn’t get credit for that movie won’t let them leave.

Main conflict: Skylar’s corpse won’t let them leave the graveyard.

Characters:

Magdalena, a producer/editor, the director Everest’s wife, who cut out Skylar’s writing credit, and has make-up and effect skills too.

Skyler, a writer who didn’t get credit for a movie being screened by cast and crew in a graveyard (who is buried in the graveyard).

Everest, the director who took credit for writing the movie being screened.

Ivy, an actress who was married to Skyler, but brought his script to the Everest, the director who took credit for it, and cheated on Skyler with Everest, who gave her the part in it.

ACT 1:

HOPE: Magdalena makes it into graveyard screening for cast and crew.

THREAT: High wind warnings, flash flood warnings.

HOPE: Going to do it anyway.

THREAT: Wind blows screen down.

HOPE They set it back up.

THREAT: rain.

HOPE: Canopy,

THREAT: Warned not to do screening,

HOPE: Movie starts.

THREAT: Lightning

INCOMPATIBILITY: OPPOSING NEEDS/DESIRES: Everest cut Ivy’s part down.

HOPE: Magdalena helps Ivy restore her part and cut Everest’s part down on her laptop.

INCOMPATIBILITY: Everest catches them whispering and cutting down his part and walks off

HOPE: Ivy goes to console/talk to Everest.

OPPOSING NEEDS/DESIRES: Everest cheats on Magdalena with Ivy against a tree near Skylar’s grave.

HOPE: They’ll get away with it because Magdalena’s consumed by the movie.

OPPOSING NEEDS/DESIRES; Magdalena catches them.

INCOMPATIBILITY: Magdalena threatens divorce

HOPE: Everest doesn’t want that.

OPPOSING NEEDS/DESIRES: Magdalena threatens to cut Ivy out and recast.

MIND GAMES: A real Earthquake seems to match an earthquake on screen.

DANGER: DESTRUCTION: lots of destruction when earthquake happens. Ground caves in.

ENVIRONMENT: earthquake makes them fall.

HOPE: they are all OK

TRAPPED/PRISONER: they are trapped below ground.

WHAT IS THIS CHARACTER AFRAD OF: Magdalena claustrophobic, afraid of being buried alive

HOPE: Ivy says she can fix the damage

PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES: Ivy’s still in the character of the supervillain or person with supernatural powers on screen and thinks she is that character and that she caused the earthquake.

DESTRUCTION: Coffins sticks out of sides of new sunken graveyard formed.

HOPE maybe they can use the coffin sticking out to help them climb out

TP/INCREASING TENSION/IMPENDING DOOM: Skylar’s corpse comes out of his coffin and won’t let them leave.

ACT 2:

MIND GAMES: movie keeps playing inside sunken grave onto the dirt wall.

HOPE: Magdalena unplugs projector from cable that hangs down.

MIND GAMES: it keeps playing.

HOPE: They can use the cable to help them climb up.

DANGEROUS: As they climb, cable falls down and they fall.

HOPE: Someone grabs a leg bone which sticks out of the side.

DANGER: Destruction; it breaks.

HOPE: They hit a ledge.

INCOMPATIBILITY: TRIGGERING EACH OTHER: Between Everest and Magdalena all kinds of things about their marriage under the surface bubble up under this pressure.

HOPE: they work a few things out:

INCOMPATIBILITY: TRIGGERING EACH OTHER: the cheating is brought up

TRAPPED/PRISONER: Magdalena kicks Everest onto Ivy and they fall down.

INCREASING TENSION: WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN: Everest and Ivy fall through a coffin when they fall into a grave and get stuck in it with rats in it.

HOPE: Ivy climbs out of coffin and helps Everest out.

INCOMPATIBILITY/ MIND GAMES: Everest accuses Magdalena of setting the whole thing up with Skylar, faking his death, using her make-up and fx skills to make this happen on set to get revenge on Everest and Ivy for cheating on her.

FEAR: Magdalena wishes that were true, but didn’t even know they were cheating before this.

MIND GAMES: He has good arguments and examples of why it’s fake.

FEAR: Skylar attacks Magdalena.

HOPE: Everest thinking Skylar’s not really dead, blocks Skylar and pulls skin off him.

FEAR: It’s real skin with bone underneath, too thin for make-up

UNPREDICTABILITY Psychological issues: Ivy believes she is the character.

HOPE: Everest trIes to convince her she’s not.

PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES: Ivy calls Everest by his character name and that causes conflict between them.

HOPE: Ivy tries to use her supernatural powers on Skylar.

FEAR: She doesn’t have any supernatural powers:

HOPE: She knows she’s Ivy now.

ENVIRONMENT: TRAPPED/PRISONER: Skylar uses supernatural abilities to create flood, wash them down more.

ACT 3:

OUT OF CONTROL SITUATION: Flood sends them down farther than before completely out of control sinking. Could die.

HOPE: Magdalena survives.

DESTRUCTION: Massive destruction by flood, skeletons and corpses everywhere in water.

INCOMPATIBILITY: FORCED TO DEAL WITH EACH OTHER: Magdalena steps on ivy

HOPE: Magdalena decides to save Ivy.

FEAR: Ivy thinks Skylar signed a contract with an evil spirit, the one the script was about. She thinks it’s real and it possessed him.

HOPE: She thinks it’s there in the graveyard, and they need to destroy it.

MIND GAMES: Magdalena disguises Ivy and Everest in zombie-make up.

CLAUSTROPHOBIC: Everest’s allergic to the make-up which makes him itch.

HIDING OUT: Everest and Ivy are literally buried underground

MIND GAMES: Have to rise like zombies to throw Skylar off

RESTRICTING: Make-up and/or mask is restricting.

HOPE: Magdalena searches for the contract,

CLAUSTROPHOBIC: She has to search a grave, can’t find it

HOPE: Gets out of that grave, trudges on

UNPREDICTABILITY: COULD ATTACK AT ANY MOMENT: Flood water could come around a corner at her.

HOPE: Gets head above water, swims through it

UNPREDICTABILITY: Rats come after her

HOPE: Throws them off

PERSON ON THE EDGE: Dead bodies and Skeletons everywhere.

HOPE: Climbs over them.

PERSON ON THE EDGE: Make up/mask driving Everest crazy.

HOPE: It helps his acting as zombie.

DANGER: Injury: Skylar injures Everest when he sees through Everest’s bad acting.

HOPE: Magdalena finds the contract. It gives Skylar supernatural powers if he keeps their souls there.

FEAR: Skylar comes after her.

HOPE: She burns contract, and Skylar burns.

ENVIRONMENT: DANGEROUS : Skylar’s ash reforms and he comes back to life 10 times more dangerous than before.

DEATH: Skylar kills Everest and Ivy.

ISOLATION: LOSS OF COMPANION: Magdalena loses only companions in there, including her own husband.

ACT 4:

HOPE: Magdalena digs tunnel and plans to break contract Skylar made by digging her way out.

DANGEROUS: Skylar comes after her in tunnel.

HOPE: She cuts off Skylar’s limbs

DANGEROUS – Arms and legs come after her, choking her.

HOPE: Chops his leg into pieces

ATTACK: – Skylar’s disembodied hand grabs knife and chops her foot off

HOPE: She blocks the bleeding and fights the hand with a knife, cutting its fingers off

DANGEROUS: His body parts reform into Skylar.

HOPE: She cuts off his head.

DANGEROUS: Disembodied head bites her.

HOPE: She smashes his disembodied head in.

TICKING CLOCK: Each time he comes back stronger, deadlier, meaner. More dangerous, more evil.

ENVIRONMENT: TRAPPED/PRISONER: Skylar buries her in tunnel.

CLAUSTROPHOBIC – Has to overcome claustrophobia to get out.

HOPE: Digs tiny tunnel out

TICKING CLOCK: Gas from bodies and stuff making it toxic down there.

FEAR: She passes out:

HELPLESS/TICKING CLOCK – Water rushes into tunnel

HOPE: Water revives her

WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN – Buried alive.

FEAR: Outside graveyard, a body rises.

HOPE: It’s Magdalena, alive.

HOPE: Through the graveyard fence: she sees Skylar dissolve because she broke his contract with the evil spirit. She got out.

MIND GAMES – it’s all a reality show. Skylar’s really not dead, just tricks all along.

TICKING CLOCK: Only has thirty seconds to decide whether to take the $200,000 for escaping the graveyard or do the next show or she loses it all.

OUT OF CONTROL SITUATION – Magdalena attacks all the equipment used to film the show.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Great Hook!

A. How did this process work for me?

It worked to come up with more ideas for these movies, as I brainstormed the 3 steps on my 5 ideas. Then I rewrote one concept, wrote another, tweaked 2, but decided not to go with those four. I went with a concept I didn’t change, that may have the strongest hook.

B. What did I learn doing this assignment: I learned how many other ideas there can be. Even when I think I have the right one, there can be so many others that could work also.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s 4 Act Structure

What I learned doing this assignment is how to fit these ideas into a four act structure that could work.

1. Concept: The ground caves in during a graveyard screening for a movie’s cast and crew, and the corpse of a writer who didn’t get credit for that movie won’t let them leave.

Main conflict: Skylar’s corpse won’t let them leave the graveyard.

2.

Act 1:

Opening: Magdalena’s blocked to get into graveyard. Has to find a way in to the screening. Catches her husband Everest cheating on her with Ivy against a tree near Ivy’s husband Skylar’s grave.

Inciting Incident: There’s an earthquake and the ground caves in. They fall beneath surface, trapped in a giant graveyard size grave.

Turning point: Skylar’s corpse comes out of his coffin and won’t let them leave.

Act 2:

New plan: Negotiate with Skylar/Climb out/ escape.

Plan in action: They fight each other and Skylar as they climb.

Midpoint Turning point: Almost climb out of sunken graveyard , but

Skylar uses supernatural abilities to create a flood, which washes them down lower to the bottom and could drown them.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Ivy thinks Skylar signed a contract with an evil spirit, that it’s there in the graveyard, and they need to destroy it.

New plan: Magdalena disguises Ivy and Everest in zombie-make up and they rise out of the ground to throw Skylar off while she searches the sunken graveyard for the contract. Skylar sees through Everest’s bad acting, injures him and goes after Magdalena.

Turning Point: huge failure/major shift: Magdalena finds the contract. It gives Skylar supernatural powers if he keeps their souls there. She burns it, and Skylar burns, but then his ash reforms and he comes back to life and kills Everest and Ivy.

Act 4:

Final plan: To break the contract Skylar made by digging her way out.

Climax/ultimate expression of the conflict:

Magdalena digs an underground tunnel. Skylar comes after her. She cuts his limbs and head off but they claw and bite at her and reform. He buries her in the tunnel. Outside the graveyard, a body rises. It’s Magdalena, alive. She sees Skylark dissolve.

Resolution: It’s all a reality show Who Can Escape, that Skyler was in on after he faked his death.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark’s Delivering Multiple Layers!

What I learned doing this assignment is a new big reveal at the end.

Surface Layer: Magdalena and Ivy stroke Everest’s ego about his acting.

Beneath That: scheme between Magdalena and Ivy to cut Everest’s part down since his acting’s not that good.

How Revealed: Everest catches Ivy whispering to Magdalena as Magdalena’s cutting out Everest’s parts on her laptop.

Surface layer: Everest wrote the script.

Beneath that: Skylar wrote the script.

How Revealed. Skylar’s corpse attacks Magdalena accusing her of cutting his name out of credits. Magdalena says you didn’t write the script. My husband did. Ivy says Skylar wrote it.

Surface Layer: Ivy tried to stop Everest from stealing Skylar’s script.

Beneath that: Ivy gave Everest the script so he’d cast her in it.

How Revealed: Ivy tells Skylar she tried to stop Everest from stealing script. Everest says you gave it to me. Skylar attacks Ivy, sending flood on her. Ivy says that was the only way I could get the part.

Surface layer: Ivy, in her character, has supernatural powers.

Beneath that: Ivy doesn’t have supernatural powers, but Skylar does.

How Revealed: Ivy tries to use her powers on Skylar, but doesn’t have any. Skylar uses his supernatural ability to cause flood.

Surface layer: The movie they made is about a fictional evil spirit.

Beneath that: The evil spirit is real, and Skylar, while researching it writing the script, became obsessed with it and it possessed him.

How Revealed: Ivy tells Skylar if he wouldn’t have let the evil spirit the script was about possess him and wouldn’t have neglected her, she wouldn’t have brought the script to Everest and cheated on him.

And when Ivy’s dying, she tells Magdalena she sees the truth now that the evil spirit was real.

Surface layer: Skylar signed a contract to get credit for the writing.

Beneath that: Skylar sabotaged the deal and didn’t sign the contract for writing it, but did sign a contract with the evil spirit, which he himself wrote.

How Revealed: Everest tells Skylar he blew it by not signing the contract.

And Ivy, dying, tells Magdalena she saw a contract with the evil spirit. She thought he made it up for the script he was writing about the evil spirit, but now she sees the truth.

Surface Layer: Skyler’s corpse has trapped them in a graveyard.

Beneath that: The graveyard’s a set for a candid camera reality show Skylar’s in on to see who can escape the graveyard.

How Revealed: after Magdalena escapes and sees Skylar dissolve, she walks away and sees Skylar in human form, who congratulates her on being the sole survivor of the Who Can Escape reality show. She’s given a choice: she wins $200,000 or she can be on the next show trapped underneath an airport and if she escapes that, she wins one million dollars.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Character Journeys!

What I learned doing this assignment is to structure four intersecting character journeys by brainstorming their intros and endings and turning points. Since I didn’t have the structure of the story before this, coming up with ideas I liked and each character arc not just for themselves but with the other characters was no easy task, which is OK because I now have four journeys I didn’t have before, all inside a cemetery, and there’s room for improvement. No more characters allowed in this graveyard. Four is challenging enough I think.

3 Act Journey for MAGDALENA:

Beginning: Blocked to get into graveyard. Has to find way in to the screening. Catches her husband Everest cheating on her with Ivy against a tree near Ivy’s husband Skylar’s grave.

Turning Point: Earthquake makes ground cave in. Skylar’s corpse comes out of the coffin and he won’t let them out. Magdalena kicks Everest’s body onto Ivy’s and makes them tumble down as she tries to climb out, but Skylar uses supernatural ability to make Magdalena fall because she cut his name out of the credits.

Midpoint: Everest accuses Magdalena of setting this whole thing up with Skylar, faking his death and using her FX and make up skills to get revenge on them for cheating on them when Ivy brought him Skylar’s script. Skylar attacks Magdalena, and Everest, thinking it’s a set up, stops Skylar from killing Magdalena by attacking Skylar, pulling skin off him. There’s bones underneath, too thin to be make-up. Skylar buries Everest and Ivy alive.

Turning Point 2: Magdalena disguises Everest and Ivy in corpse make-up and they rise like zombies and attack Skylar to scare him off while Magdalena digs an escape tunnel. Everest’s bad acting gives him away and Skylar kills Everest with Skylar’s tombstone.

Dilemma: Magdalena steps on Ivy as she climbs over her, pushing her down into flooding water, then decides to help her out. Ivy, dying, tells her that Skylar made deal with evil spirit.

3rd Act Climax: Magdalena finds the contract Skylar made with the evil spirit to get revenge on them for stealing his script and not giving him writing credit. She burns it, and Skylar burns, but then his ash reforms and he comes back to life. She learns all she has to do to break the contract is get out, then he can’t keep their souls there. She goes under ground and digs her way out.

Ending: Comes out on other side almost looking like dead body rising, but it’s Magdalena alive. She sees through fence Skylar’s corpse dissolve because he didn’t keep his deal with the evil spirit to keep them in.

3 Act Journey for SKYLAR:

Beginning: When Everest gives himself best writer award, Skylar’s corpse comes up and grabs the award.

Turning Point: Skylar makes the earth quake and they fall down and get trapped in it. He won’t let them leave.

Midpoint: Skylar uses his supernatural abilities to bury Ivy and Everest, but their corpses come out and go after him.

Turning Point 2: Skylar realizes, because of Everest’s bad acting, that they are just wearing make-up Magdalena put on them. He makes his own tombstone fall on Everest to kill him.

3rd Act Climax: Magdalena burns the contract Skylar made with an evil spirt and Skylar goes up in flames, but then he comes back to life from ash that gets put together, and it doesn’t stop him.

Ending: Skylar in his new form runs after Magdalena, who goes underground and digs her way out. Once she’s out, Skylar dissolves.

3 Act Journey for IVY:

Beginning: Everest takes pictures of Ivy and seduces her against a tree near Skylar’s grave. Magdalena, Everest’s wife, catches them.

Turning point: Earthquake matches earthquake on screen and ground caves in. They sink. She thinks she did it, convinced she’s the character she played in the movie with supernatural powers.

Midpoint: Skylar’s corpse comes out of coffin and won’t let them leave. Magdalena kicks Everest on top of her and they fall deeper into the sunk graveyard.

Turning point 2: She tries to use her supernatural powers on Skylar, but she doesn’t have any. Realizes she’s not that character. She’s Ivy. She sees Skylar use supernatural powers to keep them in.

3rd Act Climax: Magdalena disguises Ivy and Magdalena as zombies to scare Skylar and Magdalena starts digging tunnel for them to get out. Ivy’s great as this zombie character but Everest blows it with bad acting and Skylar sees through it. Uses his supernatural abilities to cause flood, which knocks Ivy over.

Ending: Magdalena steps on Ivy and forces her underwater, but then tries to save her. Dying, Ivy tells Magdalena that Skylar made a deal with an evil spirit.

3 Act Journey for EVEREST:

Beginning: Magdalena catches Everest have sex with Ivy against tree by Skylar’s grave.

Turning Point: The ground caves in and Skylar’s corpse won’t let them leave.

Midpoint: Magdalena kicks Everest’s body onto Ivy’s and makes them tumble down as Magdalena tries to climb out, but Skylar uses supernatural ability to make her fall.

Turning Point 2: Everest accuses Magdalena of setting this whole thing up with Skylar: faking his death, using her FX and make-up skills to make this all look real, to get revenge on him and Ivy for cheating on them. Skylar attacks. Everest saves Magdalena by blocking Skylar and pulling some of his skin off, but there’s nothing but bone underneath it. Skylar buries him.

3rd Act Climax: Magdalena disguises Everest like corpse who rises to catch Skylar off guard but his bad acting ruins it. Everest pleads with Skylar, then runs.

Ending: Skylar makes his own tombstone fall on Everest and kill him.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s Character Depth:

What I learned doing this assignment is none of my three characters seemed likable enough to be the main character, so I invented a new character, Magdalena, who could be the right protagonist, and got deeper into the conflict between the characters.

Simple Profile for SKYLAR:

Skylar is writer who rises from the dead and traps the cast and crew of a movie he wrote but didn’t get credit for.

Motivation: to trap filmmakers who stole his credit and make them suffer

Wound: Everest took credit for writing his movie

Layers: Skylar made a deal with an evil spirit. He sabotaged the deal for credit himself

Conflict: He’s keeping Everest, Ivy and Magdalena trapped in graveyard. Ivy, Skylar’s wife, gave his script to Everest, the director, who took credit for it.

Simple profile for EVEREST:

Everest is a director who takes credit for writing Skylar’s script and gets trapped in the graveyard when it caves in and Skylar’s corpse won’t let him leave.

Secret: he didn’t really write movie. He committed adultery with Ivy.

Subtext: Hiding that he didn’t write movie, wasn’t even his idea. That he committed adultery with Ivy. Hiding from truth.

Layers: he didn’t really write movie. He committed adultery with Ivy.

Conflict: He stole or took credit for Skylar’s script. Skylar’s corpse won’t let him leave graveyard. Ivy’s mad because some of her scenes were cut from movie, as Everest made himself the main character she was supposed to be. Magdalena, his wife, the producer/editor, catches him cheating on her with Ivy and threatens divorce.

Simple Profile for IVY:

Ivy’s an actress who has to get out of character and a graveyard her husband Skylar’s corpse won’t let her leave.

Motivation:

Want: to get out of graveyard and be famous actress

Need: to get out of character

Secret: that she cheated on Skylar with Everest, that she brought Skylar’s script to Everest and let him take credit for it to get part. Maybe she had something to do with Skylar’s death.

Subtext: hides that she cheated on Skylar with Everest. That she brought Everest Skylar’s script and let him take credit for it to get part.

Layers: she cheated on Skylar with Everest. She brought script to him and let him take credit for it to be in it. She’s not being herself, still in character, hiding who she really is.

Conflict: she cheated on Skylar with Everest. Brought Skylar’s script to Everest. Skylar’s corpse won’t let them leave. She may have had something to do with Skylar’s death. Thinks Everest ruined movie by acting in it (and that he can’t act) and cutting some of her scenes out to make his part bigger. Maybe she wants Everest dead because he knows something. Maybe they conspired to kill Skylar too, but then he committed suicide. Magdalena, Everest’s wife, catches her with Everest and threatens to cut her out of movie and recast it.

Conspiracy: she brought script to Everest and let him take credit if she got part in it. She cheated on Skylar with Everest.

Secret identity: she’s really Ivy but she’s still in character and can’t get out.

Simple Profile for MAGDALENA:

Magdalena, the director Everest’s wife, the producer/ editor who cut Skylar’s name from the credits and fights to escape when Skylar’s corpse won’t let them leave.

Motivation: Want: to escape graveyard

Conflict: she catches Everest with Ivy against a tree near Skylar’s grave. Threatens divorce and to let truth out. Magdalena threatens to cut Ivy completely out of movie and recast her part. Skylar keeps Magdalena trapped because she cut his name out of credits and let Everest get away with stealing his credit.

Conspiracy: Conspires with Ivy to try to cut Everest’s part down to make the movie better.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder’s right characters!

What I learned doing this assignment is it didn’t take long to come up with the right characters, and it’s fun brainstorming how and why they got into this and the conflict between them, and more can be done.

Skyler, a writer who didn’t get credit for a movie being screened by cast and crew in a graveyard (who is buried in the graveyard) is the right character for this story because his corpse won’t let them leave.

Everest, a director who took credit for writing the movie being screened is the right character for the movie because Skylar, the writer buried there, comes out for revenge.

Ivy, an actress who was married to Skyler, but brought his script to the Everest, the director who took credit for it, and cheated on Skyler with Everest, who gave her the part in it, is the right character for the movie because Skyler comes out for revenge on her too.

[Mark Roeder]

Part 1: SELECT YOUR PROJECT

One of my ideas worked for the covid-19 guidelines, but didn’t seem unique, so I gave it a unique element. Another involves yeti in a ski resort, which would need costumes and make up. Another had an underground city, which would probably make it more than one location, so I changed that to something that could work. One involves a corpse coming back to life in a graveyard, which would require special effects make-up, but we’re not under covid guidelines right now. One other may work, but it seems too close to something else I’m working on.

I made loglines for the 4 that may work and pitched them to a friend, and she liked three of them, with a clear favorite.

Part 2:

Mark Roeder’s guidelines for ANATOMY OF THE FALL

What I learned doing this assignment is a movie like ANATOMY OF THE FALL looks almost ideal for covid guidelines until I saw how important the boy and the dog are to the story, and how many extras there are in and outside of the court room. It’s not really a contained story, but most of it takes place in two locations: at the house and in the court room.

TITLE: ANATOMY OF A FALL

AS THEY DID IT:

A. People: wife, husband, son, lawyer, court people,

B. Stunts: Not many. Reenactment of woman pushing man. boy walking with dog in snow on bridge, minimal it seems. Even though it’s about a fall we don’t really see the fall.

C. Extras: jury, people in court room, crowds outside court room

D. Wardrobe: court robes, etc. and normal looking clothes

E. Hair and Make Up: a bruise, a dead body being examined, head wound

F. Kids and Animals: kid, the son, is 11, extremely important character, as is a dog, who plays a crucial role in the outcome of the trial.

G. Quarantine: full court room and crowds outside court room.

COVID GUIDELINE VERSION:

A. People: Most main characters except boy, dog, and extras OK. Could cut down people involved in court case.

B. Stunts: no major stunts.

C. Extras: extras in court and outside court room would have to be cut.

D. Wardrobe: Hopefully no one puts on a court robe backwards..

E. Hair and Make Up: if special effects make-up can’t be applied to an actor when a dead body with a head wound is examined, then a realistic dummy could be used. Make-up will have to be applied to give a bruise to the mother’s arm, which is important to the trial.

F. Kids and Animals: the 11 year old blind boy and the dog are both critical to the movie. Maybe the boy could be rewritten to be a little older and get an older actor who looks young to play him or have the tutor there for the boy. It would be best to have a dog trainer there for the dog, unless a rewrite is done to eliminate the dog, which the boy does an experiment on to decide whether his mom is the killer, which makes the difference in the trial. Since this is an effective part of the movie, I would suggest going with the tutor and dog trainer in this case.

G. Quarantine: looks like it could be done with minimal crew, but need a tutor for boy and dog trainer needed unless changes made to script. Would have to cut down extras in court room and probably cut out some of the court characters. And would need reason for there to be less people.

[Mark Roeder]

Hi, I’m Mark Roeder. I’ve written 7 feature length scripts. I hope to come out of this with the outline for a unique, low budget contained movie that is highly marketable that, with the right producer, funding and everything I can make into a movie.

I’ve made some short films, like Fire Ripples, about an escaped mental patient (me) who’s chased into a raging forest fire. Thanks.

[Mark Roeder]

Mark Roeder

I agree to the terms of this release form.

[Mark Roeder]

It’s not too late. I’m looking forward to reading yours and I’ll start doing your feedback soon.

You can email me the feedback whenever it’s ready.

Thanks,
Mark
riippedwriter@yahoo.com

[Mark Roeder]

HI Jennifer,

Do you want to exchange feedback on the profound map?

Thanks,
Mark