Mark Ezra
Forum Replies Created
-
Mark’s Level 3 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of keeping the action story moving, even in respite/relief. Also the importance of not overwriting each piece of action.
INT. MEGAN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
(continued from an earlier assignment)
There’s an offscreen crunch of broken glass underfoot.
Megan sits up, switches on the lights.
MEGAN: Now what?!
She glances up and freezes.
Framed in the doorway is a HIT MAN holding a gun. (Suspense)
MEGAN: What do you want?
The Man puts his gun up to her face and, as he squeezes the trigger – (Danger)
Megan sideswipes the gun aside and knees the Man hard in the balls.
He crumples, recovers and shoves her against the door of her menagerie. The door flies open and they tumble inside.
INT. MENAGERIE – NIGHT
As Megan and the Hit Man tumble in, the animals in their cages go crazy.
In the tumble, the Man drops his gun. As he bends to retrieve it, Megan kicks him into the forest of sticky moth strips. He gets inextricably tangled.
Megan relieves him of his gun.
MEGAN: Nice firearm.
Blamm!
Gunfire erupts from the next room, narrowly missing Megan, busting the lock on the Racoon cage. As TWO HIT MEN rush in, an angry RACCOON MOTHER and her PUPS leap up and fasten onto their faces.
Megan grabs a handy riot stick and lashes out at their knees, bringing them crashing to the ground. She lashes at their guns.
One Hit Man drops his gun into her aquarium [Yes, these props/animals were all set up earlier in the story]. He fumbles in the murky water, SCREAMS and leaps back, the SNAPPING TURTLE clamped to his wrist.
Megan snatches up a hand gun, fires random pellets of hard bait at the two Hit Men: by no means fatal, but they carry a punch.
Realising she’s got the wrong gun, Megan grabs a second gun from her shelf, firing off several rounds and hitting both men with sedative darts. Their actions slow and they slump, sedated and unconscious. (Relief)
Megan gathers up the raccoons and returns them to their cage.
THUMP!
A KNIFE thuds into the side of the cage.
A KNIFE MAN bursts in, wielding a large knife. (Adrenaline)
Megan snatches up a dog catcher with a long handle and loops it over his head. As much as he swings his knife, he can’t quite reach her.
Megan grabs a taser and FIRES, hitting the knife and sending shock waves down its shaft. The Knife Man crumples.
A final HIT MAN leaps in, tripping over the Knife Man. Without flinching Megan hauls him forward and hurls him into her ‘dispatch room’. She slams the glass door shut, sets the lever to ‘high’ and slams down the red button.
A cloud of gas fills the ‘dispatch room’. The hit man struggles to break out but is unconscious in seconds.
MEGAN: Never mess with pest control. We get ‘em every time.
-
Mark’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is that I am pretty confident I get get these action emotions working in a script. My final draft will differ somewhat from the scene below, but a longer, more detailed version should push all the correct buttons.
EXT. LOS POLLOS HERMANOS FRANCHISE – DAY
The Bomb Squad Truck draws up. FRED, CHARLIE and MEGAN get out.
The Franchise MANAGER hurries over to meet them.
MANAGER: Thank God you’re here. I’m losing all my customers.
FRED slips into his blast suit.
FRED: Where’s the bomb?
MANAGER: It’s in that dumpster.
Fred and Charlie exchange puzzled looks.
CHARLIE: You moved it?
MANAGER: I didn’t want it on the premises. You know how much these franchises cost?
Charlie shakes his head in amazement.
CHARLIE: Ok, let’s check it out.
Fred steps forward. Megan follows.
CHARLIE: (to Megan) Not you, rookie. Wait over there and watch, while I call it in.
Disappointed, Megan goes over and sits on a bench. Charlie climbs back into the truck and radios the Bomb Squad office.
Megan notices a MAN in the park operating a remote control device. His face is shadowed by his hood.
Fred, across the parking lot, gently extracts the IED from the bin.
A remote-controlled TOY CAR shoots under the truck and stops.
Megan reacts.
MEGAN: Bomb! (Shock)
Fred, startles, almost drops the IED.
CHARLIE: For Chrissaskes, Megan, don’t ever shout ‘bomb’ – you’ll have everyone panicking.
MEGAN: But –
CHARLIE: If you see something, just whisper ‘IED’.
MEGAN: IED.
CHARLIE: That’s right.
MEGAN: No. I.E.D!
CHARLIE: What?
MEGAN: Under the truck.
CHARLIE: Shit.
Charlie hops out and peers under the truck, sees the toy car waiting there, an evil menace.
CHARLIE: Fred, when you’ve done with that, come check this out.
Megan gets down on her hands and knees.
CHARLIE: Didn’t I just tell you to stay back. This is no place for a rookie.
Megan backs off, reluctantly.
Fred takes her place, peering intently at the toy car.
CHARLIE: What d’ya think?
FRED: Explosive charge in the chassis, is my guess. Move the truck forward.
Charlie hops back in the truck, starts up the engine.
FRED: Easy does it… (suspense)
The Truck moves off slowly, exposing the model car to daylight.
Fred crawls on his belly towards the toy car –
Which is suddenly snatched up by a young BOY.(Surprise)
BOY: That’s mine!
He hurries away with the innocent toy tucked under his arm.
Fred gets in the truck alongside Charlie.
CHARLIE: What about the IED?
FRED: False alarm. Somebody’s idea of a joke. Let’s get out of here.
CHARLIE: What about Megan?
FRED: Let her walk. Be good for her.
Charlie guns the truck forward fifty yards and stops. He sticks his head out the window.
CHARLIE: Hey Megan! Want a ride home?
Megan, pissed, heads towards the truck.
Megan: Very nice guys, great fucking manners.
BLAMM! (shock!)
A booby-trapped vehicle beside the truck EXPLODES, sending the blazing truck flying into the air, bowling Megan off her feet.
-
Mark’s Favorite Twists
What I learned in this assignment is that it is hard to come up with twists cold. When I’m writing a screenplay I can come up with them no problem, but not here. I’ve knuckled down and produced some but I’m not thrilled with any of my twists. I think I shall get better ones when I start writing my screenplay.
Safety ========================= Danger
She is told to stand well back as the experts go in to disarm an IED. So she feels SAFE.
They manage successfully, but are maimed by a hidden booby trap IED, so now she realises she’s in DANGER.
New Threat ====================== Unexpected Support
She finds herself up against many booby traps, and an out of control vehicle.
At the last moment she is pulled out of danger by her misanthropic and highly critical Sergeant who unexpectedly congratulates her on a good job done.
Plan Fails ========================Plan Succeeds
She tries to disarm an IED, misinterprets instructions and accidentally cuts the wrong wire. But the Villain wired it differently from normal and she has, inadvertently, cut the RIGHT wire.
Attacked ====================== Protected
She and Colleague are attacked, but her bizarre collection of pest control weaponry helps them fight back in a new and thrilling way.
Trap/Trick ===================== Escape
Villain sets trap to trick her into entering the room with the bomb, but in bluffing, she tricks him into the room and traps him.
-
Mark’s Level 1 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of allowing the audience to feel relief. Too many screenplays by novices do not allow for the relief factor. In this case I’ve gone from anxiety to fear, then relief and back to fear again. I had some problem trying to correctly reformat what I’d written in Final Draft.
INT. MEGAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Megan lies in bed, tossing and turning. She’s having a nightmare.
An offscreen TINKLE of broken glass. Someone’s breaking in.
Megan’s eye snap open. She lies still a moment.
There’s a CRASH and a CURSE!
Megan leaps out of bed and, in the moonlight, struggles to find some weapon of defense. She grabs a fire extinguisher and edges towards the noise.
A shadowy figure looms up in the doorway. Megan raises the fire extinguisher. As she prepares to bring it down hard…
The Figure switches on the lights.
Megan freezes.
MEGAN
Jimmy!
JIMMY
Hi Megan.
MEGAN
What are you doing here?
JIMMY
I locked myself out of my home. Came to
get your set of keys.
MEGAN
Why didn’t you ring the doorbell?
JIMMY
Didn’t want to wake you.
MEGAN
Great.
She rummages in a drawer, produces a set of keys.
JIMMY
Thanks. Be seeing you.
Jimmy leaves by the front door. Megan gets back into bed.
MEGAN
Some people!
She switches off the lights, rolls over and tries to get some sleep.
There’s an offscreen crunch of broken glass underfoot.
Megan sits up.
MEGAN
Now what?!
She switches on the lights and freezes.
Framed in the doorway is a MAN holding a gun.
-
Mark’s Likability/Empathy/Justification
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is not enough for the writer to like his character; the audience has to like her too. This assignment provides signposts to help the writer ensure that the audience gets and understands the emotional ties to and sympathy with the character.
LIKABILITY/LOVABILITY
She is very good at her job in Pest Control.
She has a warm heart. She can’t bear to kill the animals she catches, but drives them out to the woods and lets them go at night.
She is funny…but sometimes unintentionally
She has good moral sense, but in a funny, slightly twisted way.
EMPATHY / DISTRESS
While carrying out Pest Control, she is mistaken for a bomber! She is not the typical Bomb Squad type.
She is naturally clumsy.
She desperately wants to be accepted into the Bomb Squad.
Her dad, whom she loved and admired, was a victim of the Unabomber.
JUSTIFICATION
She wants to avenge her father…and will direct her vengeance against any bomber.
She is made fun of and jeered at by the experienced Squad members.
Her team-mates are injured by the Villain’s booby traps. Now she needs to avenge them.
-
Mark’s Story Map
What I learned from this assignment is that it keeps me brainstorming. I have discarded some earlier ideas, refined my plot and come up with one new idea that makes the whole much more convincing.
Opening
Villain 1 Disgruntled former member of the Bomb Squad robs a bank, takes the Squad Commander hostage, and in the escape blows himself and his hostage to smithereens.
Action 1 The Squad gives chase, trying to persuade the Hostage taker to surrender.
Mission 1 Hero joins the squad as a new recruit.
Inciting Incident
Villain 2 Villain lures members of the Bomb Squad to defuse an IED, but secretly plants a booby trap.
Action 2 The booby trap explodes, seriously injures Squad members.
Mission 2 Hero avoids injury, but has to step up and take responsibility for getting her colleagues out of harm’s way and saving lives.
Villain 3 Villain sends a truck laden with explosives into the Bomb Squad compound.
Action 3 The dangerous truck almost runs over the Squad, before exploding.
Mission 3 Hero takes control of the runaway truck and diverts it to a safe area, barely escaping with her own life. As it is their own truck, was this just a careless mistake?
First Turning Point at end of Act 1
Villain 4 After several more ‘accidents’, TV News report announces they have received threats that the Bomb Squad is being targeted. This news hits the squad hard.
Action 4 More dangerous explosions, some of which seem haphazard events but build tension.
Mission 4 Hero is promoted and installs more CCTV around the base.
Mid-Point (sends story in a new direction)
Villain 5 Member of Squad gets close to Hero and asks intrusive questions.
Action 5 More IEDs go off, now specifically aimed at Hero.
Mission 5 Hero becomes suspicious this member is an infiltrator when she realises the Villain is predicting the Squad’s moves.
Villain 6 Villain sends his men to get Hero.
Action 6 Hero attacked in her own home. Now it’s definitely personal.
Mission 6 Hero uses her arsenal of pest control devices to fend her attackers off and beat them.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2
Mission 7 Hero unmasks the Squad Member she thinks is the infiltrator.
Villain 7 Villain ramps up the attack.
Action 7 A barrage of IEDs puts almost every Squad member out of action. Now only Hero and her close Pal remain to battle the Villain.
Crisis
Villain 8 Villain moves plan up – sends ransom demand.
Mission 8 Hero deduces who the Villain is, suspects ransom demand is a misdirection, and sets out to stop him.
Action 8 Chase becomes a race against time.
Climax
Villain 9 Villain goes to arm his smart bomb in the centre of the city – thousands will die.
Action 9 Hero’s race against time to fight off henchman and disarm radioactive part of bomb.
Mission 9 Hero realises she made a mistake – Villain is not whom she thought, but someone close to the person she suspected. She outfoxes the Villain and disarms the radioactive part of his bomb, at the same time trapping Villain with the massive detonator. Villain is exterminated, peace is restored.
Resolution
Mission 10 Hero is awarded a special medal of valor and earns the respect of her injured but healing Team-mates.
-
Mark’s Action Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is that it helps me refine my plot and exclude unnecessary ideas that don’t move the story forward. I am getting closer to the point where I can write my screenplay.
Opening
A crazed former member of the Bomb Squad, wearing a flack jacket filled with high explosives, robs a bank. When the Bomb Squad arrives he takes the Squad Commander hostage and holes up in a shack in the San Gabriel mountains. When the cops surround the shack it blows up, leaving almost no trace of the bodies.
Inciting Incident
Our Hero, a new female recruit, is taken on a mission by more experienced members who defuse an IED … only to be injured by a second hidden device.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1
After several more ‘accidents’, TV News report announces they have received threats that the Bomb Squad is being targeted. This news hits the squad hard.
Mid-Point
Something our Hero does triggers the Villain to reveal he knows a lot more about the workings of the Bomb Squad than he should. So, by deduction, he is one of them, either past or present. Now nobody is to be trusted.
The Villain sends his killers to her home, but she defeats them with her pest control arsenal.
Now it’s personal.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2
Almost all the remaining Bomb Squad team are taken out of action as they close in on a likely suspect.
Only our Hero and her Best Friend in the squad are left to stand up against the Villain.
Crisis
Hero deduces who the Villain is and sets out to stop him.
Climax
Hero discovers her mistake – it’s not who she thoughts, but someone close to her suspect. She has to outfox the Villain and disarm the radioactive part of his bomb, while ensuring he is trapped with the massive detonator. Villain is exterminated, peace is restored.
Resolution
She is awarded a special medal and earns the respect of her Team-mates.
-
Mark’s Action Track
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of detailed brainstorming. Even though I had most of these stages in mind already, detailing them in this way gave me more opportunities to explore both the Hero and Villain and get some fun out of them.
1.Mystery Prologue: A Bad Apple, fired from Bomb Squad, takes his former Commander hostage and holes up in a cabin which, when surrounded by cops, blows to smithereens. No bodies are found.
Purpose: Creates a mystery. Uncertainty whether the Bad Apple is dead… or not?
2.Female Hero, newly recruited to the Bomb Squad, a mission to disarm an IED (improvised explosive device), witnesses two experienced Operatives taken out by a booby trapped bomb.
Purpose: Tells her there’s a Villain out there.
3. While she’s learning basic disarmament techniques, a truck loaded with explosives trundles into the Bomb Squad headquarters. She narrowly averts the elimination of the whole squad.
Purpose: She may be a novice, but she’s smarter, more quick-witted and resourceful than most of the Squad.
4.More IEDs spring up around Los Angeles. Members of the Bomb Squad are maimed and injured.
Purpose: The Villain’s plan is becoming clearer: wipe out the Squad. But to what end?
5.Villain orders more IEDs spread around the city and more Bomb Squad members taken out. Use similar wiring with a booby trap in each, but the bombs will be triggered if cut correctly.
Purpose: Insight into the Villain and increased jeopardy for our hero.
6.Twist: Hero is sent into the field to disarm an IED. But she cuts the wires in ‘the wrong’ order, thus preventing an explosion.
Purpose: Our hero may not be the most experienced in Bomb disarmament, but boy is she street smart and lucky.
7.Villain frustrated, thinks hero is dangerous and sends his killers to her home.
Purpose: Hero against the Villain’s killers who outnumber her.
8.Action Twist: She defeats killers with her pest control arsenal.
Purpose: Increased stakes and innovative fight sequence as she uses her knowledge of pest control weapons, etc to defeat them.
9.Villain getting nervous. Orders all out distribution of IEDs and advances the date of the final plan.
Purpose: Insight into Villain, who still has not revealed himself.
10.Hero unmasks the Villain…only to realise she’s made a mistake and challenged an innocent man. Or is he?
Purpose: Sows confusion in audience’s minds and ramps up the tension.
11.Villain makes his demands. Free the Russian prisoner.
Purpose: Misdirection. He wants to appear political: if things go wrong, the authorities will be looking for Russian terrorists.
12.Villain sets up his smart bomb: plutonium that will contaminate the city.
Purpose: Heighten tension.
13.Hero tracks Villain, confronts him.
Purpose: Reveal the Villain’s true plan: hold the City hostage, get a massive payoff and then destroy the city anyway.
14.Hero and Villain do battle: part action, part battle of wits –
Purpose: Reveal more of Hero’s character in an entertaining way.
15.Villain tricked into entering his own device. He is trapped inside and blown to pieces – but Hero has removed the plutonium.
Purpose: Hero has saved the day.
-
Mark’s Villain Track
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of exploring every alley in seeing where the story will go. I may not use all these ideas in my draft, and may include some others. But it gives me an excellent blueprint to work from.
1.INITIAL PLAN: Plant a series of booby-trapped explosive devices around the city.
2.SOW CHAOS: drastically reduce the strength of the Bomb Squad.
3.HOLD THE CITY HOSTAGE: With a smart bomb that cannot be disarmed.
4.GANG: Highly trained Army Explosive Ordnance Disposal Specialists.
5.WEAPONS: Multiple imaginative IEDs which go off without warning, injuring/maiming members of the Bomb Squad and terrorising the City.
6.PREDICTING THE BOMB SQUAD’S MOVES: Each IED is more sophisticated. The Villain has knowledge of the Bomb Squad’s disarmament methods and can second guess them.
7.UNPREDICTABLE HEROINE: As she is not yet conversant with the Squad’s methods, she is unpredictable and therefore less easy to surprise and destroy.
8.UNSEEN VILLAIN: Nobody knows who he is. Not even his own men. So how can she beat him?
9.CONFUSION: A member of the Bomb Squad tries to get close to her. Asks intrusive questions. Is he the Bomber? One of his men? Or an innocent jerk?
10.HERO’S DECEPTION: She fakes an explosion that (supposedly) maims the remainder of the Squad, to put Villain off guard, and she raids the Villain’s base*
11.RETALIATION: Villain’s men attack Hero in her own home, but she has an arsenal of pest control devices to fend them off and beat them.
12.FAKE DEMANDS(?) to the City Mayor.
13.DEMANDS REJECTED: Hero proves these demands are misdirection.
13.DECISION:Push forward the final mission – a smart bomb to hold Los Angeles hostage.
14.FITTING ENDING: She disarms the smart bomb and traps Villain. HE will be destroyed by HIS OWN bomb.
-
Mark’s Hero’s Mission Track
What I learned doing this assignment is that devising a clear mission track gives you the impetus and opportunity to improve and strengthen this part of storyline to create a hero you can root for.
Clear Mission: Uncover and stop the crazy bomber before he wipes out the entire Bomb Squad and the City of Los Angeles.
Motivation: Her colleagues on the Bomb Squad are being picked off. Her father was an innocent victim of the Unabomber. Her new colleagues in the Bomb Squad don’t think she’s got what it takes to be a member of the squad.
Inciting Incident: When experienced members of the Bomb Squad are called out to deal with an IED (improvised explosive device) and allow her to tag along with them, she witnesses them being taken out by a second booby-trapped bomb and is almost injured herself.
First Action: When a truck loaded with explosives trundles into the Bomb Squad headquarters, she takes action and narrowly averts the elimination of the whole squad.
Obstacle: She is not experienced or knowledgeable enough to deal with complex explosive devices. She has to work overtime to learn and befriend an old timer who knows as much as the whole squad put together.
Escalation: More IEDs appear all over the city, leading to the Squad being overstretched and several members are taken out by booby traps.
Twist: She suspects that the Bomber may be a member of the Squad.
Overwhelming Odds: She is attacked at home by agents working for the mystery bomber. But she has an arsenal of pest control devices from her previous career. These include steel jaw traps, poison sprays and explosives with which to fight them off.
Twist 2: the squad member she suspected is blown up and injured – he was innocent after all – but the Bomber has left a clue.
New Plan: Another Bomb alert leads to discovery of the Bomber’s master plan.Full out Attack: With the clock ticking down, she has to disarm more bombs and fight her attackers until she unmasks the real Bomber and turns his own bomb against him.
Success: She is lauded by her surviving colleagues and accepted as one of them.
-
Mark’s Hero and Villain
What I learned doing this assignment is that one can greatly improve and refine the elements of the story by employing the following considerations and attributes.
Concept:
Hero Morally Right: Having recently joined the Bomb Squad, she witnesses her boss, whom she admires and wants to make proud of her, blown up by a booby-trapped bomb.<div>
Villain Morally Wrong: The bombs are aimed at members of the Bomb Squad and innocent members of the public.
Hero
A. Unique Skill Set: She has an innovative way with handling pest control devices – anything from steel jaw traps to poisons – which she can deploy.</div><div>
B. Motivation: Save her fellow workers and avenge the man she admires.
C. Secret or Wound: Her father was a victim of the Unabomber.
Villain
A. Unbeatable: He has a pathological grudge against the Bomb Squad and the City and has enough misfit malcontent associates to aid him…and also enough knowledge to make any kind of bomb/IED into deadly booby traps.</div><div>
B. Plan/Goal: to eliminate members of the Bomb Squad so that he can carry out his final plan (I haven’t decided the exact form of this yet)
C. What they lose if Hero survives: Massive ransom demand from the City and the years wasted plotting his ‘revenge’.
Impossible Mission
A. Puts Hero in Action: she defuses several of his IEDs before they can do damage, avoids others, and fights his killers with her massive arsenal of pest control weapons.</div>
B. Demands They Go Beyond Their Best: She’s not only defusing bombs, at risk of her life, but up against a small army of bombers.
C. Destroy the Villain: She can disarm bombs and IEDs as fast as the villains make them, and ultimately uncovers and destroys the mad bomber.
-
Mark’s Conventions
What I learned is the importance of extensive brainstorming to extract the most possibilities from the heroine’s skillset and capabilities.
Concept: A former Pest Controller, now working for the Bomb Squad, has to employ all her old pest control skills and weird armoury to stop a crazed bomber who is systematically wiping out the squad.
Heroine: A highly skilled and inventive Pest Controller who joins the Bomb Squad.
Demand For Action: A crazy bomber sets booby traps to destroy the only people who can stop him: the Bomb Squad.
Mission: To disarm all the bombs hidden in the city and track down the bomber before he can detonate his ultimate bomb.
Antagonist: A Bomber with a personal grudge against the Bomb Squad – and the heroine.
Escalating Action: The Bomber sets more dangerous and more ingenious bombs with the help of his crazed band of killers.
-
I agree to the terms of this release form.
-
I’ve enjoyed a career as a screenwriter, having many screenplays commissioned and selling several that I wrote on spec. During the various lockdowns I wrote some thriller novels and now want to get back to a screenplay which I was unable to finish. I’ve taken several of Hal’s classes and found that they have all improved my writing.