Mark Wakely
Forum Replies Created
-
1. Name? Mark Wakely
2. How many scripts you’ve written? Four
3. What you hope to get out of the class? Learn how to market my screenplays by following the best methods and approaches to make the right connections.
4. Something unique, special, strange or unusual about you? I'm a published novelist with two award-winning books:
http://www.anaudienceforeinstein.com/
https://booklife.com/project/a-friend-like-filby-57407
-
Mark Wakely – I agree to the terms of this release form.
-
Just FYI, today I completed the first (very) rough draft of the screenplay based on the outline I posted. When we finally exchange outlines, I would be happy to share the script with you if you're interested. The script is thin right now at 74 pages, but I'm working on a new scene and beefing up some others. I'm still aiming for 90 pages, maybe just a little less.
Mark
-
The screenplay is now 84 pages. It might end up just a page or two longer with subsequent drafts, but it has a complete story arc now and I don’t want to pad it just for the sake of hitting that “perfect” 90 page mark. There are a lot of slow burn moments in the script as the characters turn desperate and paranoid, so it probably times out at 90 minutes just as it is.
-
After multiple drafts, the screenplay is now 86 pages. Feedback on it would be appreciated, but I’m considering it just about complete. Please let me know if you’re interested in reading and review it.
Thank you.
Mark Wakely
-
-
-
I am ready to exchange outlines. Whoever completes their outline next, please message me with your email address. Thank you!
Mark Wakely
-
Mark Wakely's Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is that I'm a miserable failure when it comes to following Hal's simple instructions. Afraid I pulled a “Frank Sinatra” and ended up doing it kinda My Way. This course is, of course, excellent for defining all the elements that need to come together to make a successful contained script, so it's been super helpful.
Here's the complete outline again. The only thing I keep on tweaking is the logline. I know it's essential to get that right since producers read that first, after the title. You have to entice them to want to read the script, so you get one shot at it. The logline I have now is…good…but it needs to be great, so I think it could use some tightening up. I have a (very) rough first draft of the script about a third written, but would still welcome any and all suggestions for improvement. There will be many more drafts yet to come.
As I mentioned before, the story is loosely based on Lord of the Flies. Frank is Piggy, Scott is Ralph, Josh is Jack, and Linda is Maurice.
Title : E-5
Genre: Drama
Logline: When a tornado hits a restaurant and traps the owner and three employees in the basement, three of them decide in their growing desperation that the one they blame must pay the ultimate price.
Character studies:
Frank – restaurant owner, late 50’s. Overweight with thick eyeglasses and in poor health. Affable to the point of being meek. Dependent on his staff now to help him with daily activities due to his condition.
Scott – head waiter, late 20’s. Handsome, optimistic, has big plans for his future and is learning as much as he can about restaurant ownership from Frank. Always glad to lend a hand. Had a brief relationship with Linda that ended because her ambitions didn’t approach his.
Linda – waitress, mid 20’s. Attractive, pleasant but unambitious. Just wants to be happy no matter what she’s doing. Still loves Scott, but understands they weren’t really compatible.
Josh – chef, late 20’s. Gruff, narcissistic, feels unappreciated for his skills, a bit unwashed for a chef. Attracted to Linda, who avoids him.
EXT. RESTAURANT – MIDDAY
1. A tornado siren is sounding, the sky dark. A lone figure, Josh, runs to the restaurant and enters. A “Closed For Today” sign hangs prominently on the door. He locks the door behind him.
INT. RESTAURANT- MIDDAY
2. Frank, Scott and Linda sit at a table in the closed restaurant to start an inventory of restaurant supplies. Scott and Linda are their voluntarily, secretly aware that Frank is sicker than anyone knows and wanting to just to help. Josh, who only cares for himself, is the only one being paid at his insistence. Another tornado siren sounds, and they all head down to the basement where not only will they be safe, but where the restaurant supplies are stored. Most of the supplies are old and obsolete, since Frank is an admitted hoarder and never throws anything away.
INT. RESTAURANT BASEMENT – MIDDAY
3. The basement is unfinished except for a small employee washroom. Shelves packed with restaurant supplies line the walls. There are no windows and only a few bare ceiling light bulbs, making the basement dreary and foreboding. Josh repeats what Frank had once told him; the basement wasn’t meant for human occupation, only storage. Frank looks away and barely responds.
4. As they begin the inventory, Josh complaining about the huge task ahead. Linda finds some old tablecloths she likes, describing them as retro. Josh tells her mockingly that all the junk in the basement is retro. As they argue, they hear what sounds like a freight train approaching. Curious, they gather by the basement stairs. As the sound grows louder and the building begins to groan and shake, Frank frantically motions them to hide under the staircase. The tornado slams into the restaurant, destroying it. Bricks, chairs and chucks of drywall still attached to studs cascade down the stairs. A section of the roof slams over the staircase, sealing them in. The lights flicker, but stay on.
5. Frightened but uninjured, the four of them try to lift the roof to no avail. Linda laughs once and reminds them they have their cellphones; all they need to do is call for help. None of them can get a signal; Linda suggests that the cellphone towers must have been destroyed.
6. Linda mentions that they're lucky the power is still on; Josh asks if they still have running water in the bathroom. They gather in the small room and turn on the faucet; after a few tense seconds, the faucet sputters and water flows. Josh mentions that while they have water, they have no food.
7. All four look for any hole or breach in the ceiling that they might widen to escape; Linda find a section of the ceiling bulging downward, a floor joist cracked, from the weight of all the debris above it. Frank advises that they leave it alone, and they all back away and avoid the area. No other breech in the ceiling is found.
8. They each grab a chair the tornado had sent down the stairs and sit facing each other to discuss what they should do next. Josh complains that he should have found a better chef’s job and blames Frank for his low pay and being trapped with them, and that they’re all out of a job now. Scott suggests that Frank could rebuild; Frank replies it’s much too soon to even be discussing what he should do next; his immediate thought is to just call it quits. Josh is glad to hear that Frank isn’t his boss anymore, and berates him even more. Linda angrily fires back at Josh.
9. Frank realizes with a gasp that he had posted on the restaurant’s webpage that they would be closed for the day, and had sent out an email reminder to all their regular customers about the closure. That, and the “Closed For Today” sign on the door (should the door still be in the rubble) might lead the rescuers to think the restaurant was empty and not search for them right away. He decides to keep that a secret. Josh presses Frank to finish saying what he was about to say, but Frank remains mum.
10. Then Frank- having trouble now breathing- realizes he left his COPD medication upstairs and tells the others. Both Scott and Linda are sympathetic; Josh, unaware of Frank’s illness or its seriousness, is dismissive, which draws Linda’s ire.
11. Scott devises a plan to attract the attention of any rescuers outside. They’ll take turns knocking on the underside of the roof with a piece of brick, tapping out an S.O.S. Frank is unable to help in his condition.
HOURS LATER
12. Josh taps unenthusiastically, and then announces he’s done and won’t try again, declaring it pointless since no one has been heard outside the collapsed building. This once again draws Linda’s ire, who angrily takes over for Josh.
13. Scott and Josh discuss how they’ll bunk down for the night. They search through the restaurant supplies and find a stack of old seat cushions they can use as mattresses and pillows, and Linda’s tablecloths for sheets. Scott calls dibs on the corner of the basement by the washroom; Josh says he’ll sleep by Linda. Scott quietly replies that Josh had better ask Linda about that.
ONE HOUR LATER
14. Scott helps Frank- who’s steadily deteriorating- into a makeshift bed, then goes to his own bed. There is some lighthearted banter about it being the worst sleepover ever, with Josh in his usual sarcastic mood that Scott and Linda find amusing for a change. Scott asks Frank if he’s doing well; Frank says he feels better lying down. Scott optimistically assures Frank that they’ll double up their efforts tomorrow to attract rescuers, and get Frank the medical attention he needs. For the rest of the story, Frank rarely gets out of his bed and sleeps a lot.
INT. BASEMENT – MORNING
15. Josh is the first one awake; he’s surprised to see Scott and Linda sleeping together and stands up in anger. He roughly wakes them both out of jealously, reminding Scott that he promised Frank that they would double up their efforts to get help.
HOURS LATER
16. Scott has rigged up a swinging brick on a rope that he can pull from the basement to knock on the underside of the roof, making the task much easier. As he pulls the rope, he sits with Linda and Josh and makes small talk, Frank nearby in his bed. Josh presses Scott and Linda about their previous relationship, still jealous, but pleased to hear it hadn’t worked out. The discussion turns personal as they talk about their past and future hopes and aspirations, keenly aware those might never take place now. Scott talks about owning his own chain of restaurants someday. Linda is happy for him; Josh characteristically proclaims it’s unlikely to ever happen. As Scott already knows, Linda- although vaguely optimistic about her future- has no specific goals and dreams; whatever happens, she just wants to be content. Josh complains that he’ll probably always be underemployed because no one is smart enough to recognize how great a chef he is. To their surprise, Frank was awake and listening to them. When asked what his dreams were, he surprises them again by saying he had always wanted to be a dancer. Josh laughs and berates him for the impossibility of that dream, since Frank has always been overweight. Frank sadly admits he was never light on his feet, but still likes how expressive and graceful dancers are. This admission makes Josh laugh uproariously, much to the chagrin of Scott and Linda, who secretly seem to agree that Frank’s dream wasn’t ever obtainable.
17. Frank is asleep and the others- now sweaty in the stuffy, warm basement- are lounging about, Linda now the one pulling methodically on the rope. Josh suddenly sits up, a look of surprise on his face; Linda briefly stops pulling on the rope and stares at him, as does Scott. Josh says he figured out what Frank was about to tell them but then stopped- that Frank had posted on the restaurant’s webpage that they were closed on Monday, and that Frank always followed that up with an email to all their regular customers about any change of hours. That, along with the “Closed For Today” sign on the door, might explain why they haven’t heard any rescuers- no one is looking for them because they think the restaurant was empty. While both Scott and Linda dismiss Josh’s concern, their voices and expressions reveal that what Josh said might be true to some degree.
18. After some discussion about food and what they wish they had to eat right now, Josh is angered when Scott reveals that a signature dish that Josh makes- one he’s the most proud of- isn’t as good as one made by another chef in a more upscale restaurant. Josh says they should just stop talking about food then since all that’s doing is making them hungrier. He gets up and goes to a corner to sulk.
19. With all four of them struggling to breath, Scott decides to try again to find a breech in the ceiling to at least let some cooler, fresh air to sink into the basement. He finds a narrow crack between two floorboards and uses a steak knife from a box of them on a shelf to dig a small hole while standing on his chair. He smiles as he inhales the cooler air wafting down, and then invites the others to breathe it in as well. He laments that Frank isn’t well enough to try it himself. Josh nearly pushes Linda aside to go next, holding out his arm to keep her at bay as he hogs the fresh air; Linda glares at him and shares a glance of disgust with Scott.
20. Out of boredom as Scott and Linda talk, Scott pulling on the rope, Josh decides to go on what he tells them is an archaeological dig through the packed shelves. He laughs at old condiment dispensers, menu holders and ashtrays, and tosses aside something he can’t even identify. Then Josh comes across a stack of construction plans for the restaurant. He smiles as he flips through the pages for the upper level, realizing that a few minor things were built differently than what the plans show. But when he looks at the plans for the basement, his expression turns first to confusion, then astonishment, then anger. The plans show that where the washroom was located, an emergency egress was meant to be there. Josh realizes that Frank had the egress illegally converted to a washroom after the construction plans had been approved.
21. Josh races into the washroom, banging against the outer wall in the hope the egress is still there, but the wall is solid concrete. Enraged, he stands in the washroom entrance, holding up the plans. He yells at the others about the change, how Frank has doomed them. Scott and Linda stand up and back away from Frank, surprised and bewildered. Awaken by the yelling, Frank covers his face and sobs, admitting it was true. Scott asks him why and Frank says the plumbing was there and he thought an emergency egress would never be needed; a washroom just made more sense. Josh then asks Frank if he had posted that the restaurant would be closed on Monday, and sent out an email reminder to their customers; still sobbing, Frank says that was true. Josh loudly berates him, saying he hopes Frank dies first. Scott and Linda stare at Frank and say nothing.
HOURS LATER
22. Frank is asleep. Linda continues to pull on the rope, but with less vigor. Josh paces, still clutching the basement floor plans. He stops with a new thought and stares at Scott and Linda. Linda stops pulling on the rope, waiting for Josh to speak. Josh finally says he always wondered about the tips they received on major holidays when the restaurant was packed with customers; the tip money Frank divided among them- while more than average- didn’t seem to quite match the number customers they had served. Josh says he did some math after last New Year’s Eve and the average tip was only around twelve percent, lower than expected. Linda immediately defends Frank, saying that he would never cheat them on tips. Josh says there’s an easy way to find out and kicks at Frank’s cushion mattress to wake him up; Scott only makes a half-hearted attempt to stop him. Josh asks Frank about the tips and after some denial, Frank finally admits he needed the money to help keep the restaurant afloat. As Frank apologizes and sobs again, Linda takes a large step back and her stern expression reveals she no longer trusts or believes him.
23. Thirsty, Frank asks for a drink of water. Josh tells him to get one himself and walks away. Scott mechanically goes to get Frank a drink and hands it to him, unsmiling.
All of them are now disheveled, their eyes hollow, their expressions gaunt.
24. There’s a rumble in the ceiling that scares Linda; Josh proclaims that this might be the end. Angry that Josh is scaring Linda, he argues with Josh to stop. There’s another rumble. Josh is the only one to notice that the cracked joist underneath the bulge in the ceiling is now about to fall. He manages to push Scott underneath it as they continue to argue. After yet another rumble, the joist swings down, striking Scott on the side of the head. He collapses, his head bloodied. Josh smirks. Linda screams and runs to cradle him, crying. Josh reaches up and unscrews the light bulb right above her; she screams again. Josh screws the bulb back in and unscrews it one more time, eliciting another scream from Linda. Then Scott stirs and Josh, dismayed, realizes Scott isn’t dead. Scott sits up, bloodied and in pain. Josh points to Frank and says Frank is to blame for their impending deaths, including Linda’s, and the pain Scott feels now is just the start of what’s to come.
25. Scott stands up, his anger focused on Frank. He says that Josh was right all along about Frank. Josh reaches back and grabs a steak knife off a shelf and hands it to Scott, who immediately takes it. Frank then offers Linda a knife; she hesitates, and then grabs it. Josh takes one for himself and they all move to confront Frank. Awakened by the commotion, Frank struggles to his feet to defend himself and beg for mercy. There’s yet another rumble and the lights flicker off. Frank cries out in the dark. When the lights come back on, Frank is on the ground, holding a hand over his chest. He removes it to reveal a bloody stab wound, and looks up in astonishment at the three of them standing over him. Josh’s knife is clean; Linda’s knife is clean; there’s blood on Scott’s knife, his expression fierce.
26. Scott stabs Frank again, leaving his knife in him. Linda does the same. Josh hesitates, and then stabs Frank as well. Frank’s head rolls back and he dies.
27. They hear the deepest rumble yet; dust once again filters down from between the floorboards. Scott and Linda embrace; Josh yells to the ceiling to just get it over with. Instead, the section of roof that’s covering the staircase pulls away: rescuers have arrived. The rumbling they were hearing wasn't due to the ceiling about to collapse; it was the rescuers working to free them. A beam of sunlight shines down on the three of them; they shade their eyes from the bright light. A rescuer pokes his head in and yells back to the others that there are survivors; a cheer goes up. The three are told that the tornado was an E-5, and that they’re the first survivors to be found, undoubtedly because the restaurant was so well constructed.
EXT. RESTAURANT – LATE AFTERNOON
28. They meekly exit and find out the front door and its “closed for today” sign is nowhere to be seen; a rescuer says because the tornado was so powerful, the door is probably a mile away. When asked if anyone else is downstairs, they don’t answer and walk away, staring straight ahead. Puzzled, the rescuer goes downstairs, sees Frank’s body, and then races back up with a look of horror and astonishment. A paramedic tries to get a closer look at Scott’s head wound; Scott rebuffs him. As the first responders clap and cheer on either side, Scott, Josh and Linda ignore them and continue walking, eyes wide, their expressions grave, fully aware they will soon be arrested for Frank’s murder.
Fade Out
The End
-
Title : E-5
Genre: Drama
Logline: When a tornado hits a restaurant and traps three employees and the owner in the basement, they decide in their growing desperation that the one they blame must pay the ultimate price.
Character studies:
Frank – restaurant owner, late 50’s. Overweight with thick eyeglasses and in poor health. Affable to the point of being meek. Dependent on his staff now to help him with daily activities due to his condition.
Scott – head waiter, late 20’s. Handsome, optimistic, has big plans for his future and is learning as much as he can about restaurant ownership from Frank. Always glad to lend a hand. Had a brief relationship with Linda that ended because her ambitions didn’t match his.
Linda – waitress, mid 20’s. Attractive, pleasant but unambitious. Just wants to be happy no matter what she’s doing. Still loves Scott, but understands they weren’t really compatible.
Josh – chef, late 20’s. Gruff, narcissistic, feels unappreciated for his skills, a bit unwashed for a chef. Attracted to Linda, who avoids him.
EXT. RESTAURANT – MIDDAY
A tornado siren is sounding, the sky dark. A lone figure, Josh, runs to the restaurant and enters. A “Closed For Today” sign hangs prominently on the door. He locks the door behind him.
INT. RESTAURANT- MIDDAY
Frank, Scott and Linda sit at a table in the closed restaurant to start an inventory of restaurant supplies. Scott and Linda are their voluntarily, secretly aware that Frank is sicker than anyone knows and wanting to just to help. Josh, who only cares for himself, is the only one being paid at his insistence. Another tornado siren sounds, and they all head down to the basement where not only will they be safe, but where the restaurant supplies are stored. Most of the supplies are old and obsolete, since Frank is an admitted hoarder and never throws anything away.
INT. RESTAURANT BASEMENT – MIDDAY
The basement is unfinished except for a small employee washroom. Shelves packed with restaurant supplies line the walls. There are no windows and only a few bare ceiling light bulbs, making the basement dreary and foreboding. Josh repeats what Frank had once told him; the basement wasn’t meant for human occupation, only storage. Frank looks away and barely responds.
As they begin the inventory, Josh complaining about the huge task ahead. Linda finds some old tablecloths she likes, describing them as retro. Josh tells her mockingly that all the junk in the basement is retro. As they argue, they hear what sounds like a freight train approaching. Curious, they gather by the basement stairs. As the sound grows louder and the building begins to groan and shake, Frank frantically motions them to hide under the staircase. The tornado slams into the restaurant, destroying it. Bricks, chairs and chucks of drywall still attached to studs cascade down the stairs. A section of the roof slams over the staircase, sealing them in. The lights flicker, but stay on.
Frightened but uninjured, the four of them try to lift the roof to no avail. Linda laughs once and reminds them they have their cellphones; all they need to do is call for help. None of them can get a signal; Linda suggests that the cellphone towers must have been destroyed.
Linda mentions that the power is still on; Josh asks if they still have running water in the bathroom. They gather in the small room and turn on the faucet; after a few tense seconds, the faucet sputters and water flows. Josh mentions that while they have water, they have no food.
All four look for any hole or breach in the ceiling that they might widen to escape; Linda find a section of the ceiling bulging downward, a floor joist cracked, from the weight of all the debris above it. Frank advises that they leave it alone, and they all back away and avoid the area. No other breech in the ceiling is found.
They each grab a chair the tornado had sent down the stairs and sit facing each other to discuss what they should do next. Josh complains that he should have found a better chef’s job and blames Frank for his low pay and being trapped with them, and that they’re all out of a job now. Scott suggests that Frank could rebuild; Frank replies it’s much too soon to even be discussing what he should do next; his immediate thought is to just call it quits. Josh is glad to hear that Frank isn’t his boss anymore, and berates him even more. Linda angrily fires back at Josh.
Frank realizes with a gasp that he had posted on the restaurant’s webpage that they would be closed for the day, and had sent out an email reminder to all their regular customers about the closure. That, and the “Closed For Today” sign on the door (should the door still be in the rubble) might lead the rescuers to think the restaurant was empty and not search for them right away. He decides to keep that a secret. Josh presses Frank to finish saying what he was about to say, but Frank remains mum.
Then Frank- having trouble now breathing- realizes he left his COPD medication upstairs and tells the others. Both Scott and Linda are sympathetic; Josh, unaware of Frank’s illness or its seriousness, is dismissive, which draws Linda’s ire.
Scott devises a plan to attract the attention of any rescuers outside. They’ll take turns knocking on the underside of the roof with a piece of brick, tapping out an S.O.S. Frank is unable to help in his condition.
HOURS LATER
Josh taps unenthusiastically, and then announces he’s done and won’t try again, declaring it pointless since no one has been heard outside the collapsed building. This once again draws Linda’s ire, who angrily takes over for Josh.
Scott and Josh discuss how they’ll bunk down for the night. They search through the restaurant supplies and find a stack of old seat cushions they can use as mattresses and pillows, and Linda’s tablecloths for sheets. Scott calls dibs on the corner of the basement by the washroom; Josh says he’ll sleep by Linda. Scott quietly replies that Josh had better ask Linda about that.
ONE HOUR LATER
Scott helps Frank- who’s steadily deteriorating- into a makeshift bed, then goes to his own bed. There is some lighthearted banter about it being the worst sleepover ever, with Josh in his usual sarcastic mood that Scott and Linda find amusing for a change. Scott asks Frank if he’s doing well; Frank says he feels better lying down. Scott optimistically assures Frank that they’ll double up their efforts tomorrow to attract rescuers, and get Frank the medical attention he needs. For the rest of the story, Frank rarely gets out of his bed and sleeps a lot.
INT. BASEMENT – MORNING
Josh is the first one awake; he’s surprised to see Scott and Linda sleeping together and stands up in anger. He roughly wakes them both out of jealously, reminding Scott that he promised Frank that they would double up their efforts to get help.
HOURS LATER
Scott has rigged up a swinging brick on a rope that he can pull from the basement to knock on the underside of the roof, making the task much easier. As he pulls the rope, he sits with Linda and Josh and makes small talk, Frank nearby in his bed. Josh presses Scott and Linda about their previous relationship, still jealous, but pleased to hear it hadn’t worked out. The discussion turns personal as they talk about their past and future hopes and aspirations, keenly aware those might never take place now. Scott talks about owning his own chain of restaurants someday. Linda is happy for him; Josh characteristically proclaims it’s unlikely to ever happen. As Scott already knows, Linda- although vaguely optimistic about her future- has no specific goals and dreams; whatever happens, she just wants to be content. Josh complains that he’ll probably always be underemployed because no one is smart enough to recognize how great a chef he is. To their surprise, Frank was awake and listening to them. When asked what his dreams were, he surprises them again by saying he had always wanted to be a dancer. Josh laughs and berates him for the impossibility of that dream, since Frank has always been overweight. Frank sadly admits he was never light on his feet, but still likes how expressive and graceful dancers are. This admission makes Josh laugh uproariously, much to the chagrin of Scott and Linda, who secretly seem to agree that Frank’s dream wasn’t ever obtainable.
Frank is asleep and the others- now sweaty in the stuffy, warm basement- are lounging about, Linda now the one pulling methodically on the rope. Josh suddenly sits up, a look of surprise on his face; Linda briefly stops pulling on the rope and stares at him, as does Scott. Josh says he figured out what Frank was about to tell them but then stopped- that Frank had posted on the restaurant’s webpage that they were closed on Monday, and that Frank always followed that up with an email to all their regular customers about any change of hours. That, along with the “Closed For Today” sign on the door, might explain why they haven’t heard any rescuers- no one is looking for them because they think the restaurant was empty. While both Scott and Linda dismiss Josh’s concern, their voices and expressions reveal that what Josh said might be true to some degree.
After some discussion about food and what they wish they had to eat right now, Josh is angered when Scott reveals that a signature dish that Josh makes- one he’s the most proud of- isn’t as good as one made by another chef in a more upscale restaurant. Josh says they should just stop talking about food then since all that’s doing is making them hungrier. He gets up and goes to a corner to sulk.
With all four of them struggling to breath, Scott decides to try again to find a breech in the ceiling to at least let some cooler, fresh air to sink into the basement. He finds a narrow crack between two floorboards and uses a steak knife from a box of them on a shelf to dig a small hole while standing on his chair. He smiles as he inhales the cooler air wafting down, and then invites the others to breathe it in as well. He laments that Frank isn’t well enough to try it himself. Josh nearly pushes Linda aside to go next, holding out his arm to keep her at bay as he hogs the fresh air; Linda glares at him and shares a glance of disgust with Scott.
Out of boredom as Scott and Linda talk, Scott pulling on the rope, Josh decides to go on what he tells them is an archaeological dig through the packed shelves. He laughs at old condiment dispensers, menu holders and ashtrays, and tosses aside something he can’t even identify. Then Josh comes across a stack of construction plans for the restaurant. He smiles as he flips through the pages for the upper level, realizing that a few minor things were built differently than what the plans show. But when he looks at the plans for the basement, his expression turns first to confusion, then astonishment, then anger. The plans show that where the washroom was located, an emergency egress was meant to be there. Josh realizes that Frank had the egress illegally converted to a washroom after the construction plans had been approved.
Josh races into the washroom, banging against the outer wall in the hope the egress is still there, but the wall is solid concrete. Enraged, he stands in the washroom entrance, holding up the plans. He yells at the others about the change, how Frank has doomed them. Scott and Linda stand up and back away from Frank, surprised and bewildered. Awaken by the yelling, Frank covers his face and sobs, admitting it was true. Scott asks him why and Frank says the plumbing was there and he thought an emergency egress would never be needed; a washroom just made more sense. Josh then asks Frank if he had posted that the restaurant would be closed on Monday, and sent out an email reminder to their customers; still sobbing, Frank says that was true. Josh loudly berates him, saying he hopes Frank dies first. Scott and Linda stare at Frank and say nothing.
HOURS LATER
Frank is asleep. Linda continues to pull on the rope, but with less vigor. Josh paces, still clutching the basement floor plans. He stops with a new thought and stares at Scott and Linda. Linda stops pulling on the rope, waiting for Josh to speak. Josh finally says he always wondered about the tips they received on major holidays when the restaurant was packed with customers; the tip money Frank divided among them- while more than average- didn’t seem to quite match the number customers they had served. Josh says he did some math after last New Year’s Eve and the average tip was only around twelve percent, lower than expected. Linda immediately defends Frank, saying that he would never cheat them on tips. Josh says there’s an easy way to find out and kicks at Frank’s cushion mattress to wake him up; Scott only makes a half-hearted attempt to stop him. Josh asks Frank about the tips and after some denial, Frank finally admits he needed the money to help keep the restaurant afloat. As Frank apologizes and sobs again, Linda takes a large step back and her stern expression reveals she no longer trusts or believes him.
Thirsty, Frank asks for a drink of water. Josh tells him to get one himself and walks away. Scott mechanically goes to get Frank a drink and hands it to him, unsmiling.
All of them are now disheveled, their eyes hollow, their expressions gaunt.
There’s a rumble in the ceiling that scares Linda; Josh proclaims that this might be the end. Angry that Josh is scaring Linda, he argues with Josh to stop. There’s another rumble. Josh is the only one to notice that the cracked joist underneath the bulge in the ceiling is now about to fall. He manages to push Scott underneath it as they continue to argue. The joist swings down, striking Scott on the side of the head. He collapses, his head bloodied. Josh smirks. Linda screams and runs to cradle him, crying. Josh reaches up and unscrews the light bulb right above her; she screams again. Josh screws the bulb back in and unscrews it one more time, eliciting another scream from Linda. Then Scott stirs and Josh, dismayed, realizes Scott isn’t dead. Scott sits up, bloodied and in pain. Josh points to Frank and says Frank is to blame for their impending deaths, including Linda’s, and the pain Scott feels now is just the start of what’s to come.
Scott stands up, his anger focused on Frank. He says that Josh was right all along about Frank. Josh reaches back and grabs a steak knife off a shelf and hands it to Scott, who immediately takes it. Frank then offers Linda a knife; she hesitates, and then grabs it. Josh takes one for himself and they all move to confront Frank. Awakened by the commotion, Frank struggles to his feet to defend himself and beg for mercy. There’s yet another rumble and the lights flicker off. Frank cries out in the dark. When the lights come back on, Frank is on the ground, holding a hand over his chest. He removes it to reveal a bloody stab wound, and looks up in astonishment at the three of them standing over him. Josh’s knife is clean; Linda’s knife is clean; there’s blood on Scott’s knife, his expression fierce.
Scott stabs Frank again, leaving his knife in him. Linda does the same. Josh hesitates, and then stabs Frank as well. Frank’s head rolls back and he dies.
They hear the deepest rumble yet; dust once again filters down from between the floorboards. Scott and Linda embrace; Josh yells to the ceiling to just get it over with. Instead, the section of roof that’s covering the staircase pulls away: rescuers have arrived. A beam of sunlight shines down on the three of them; they shade their eyes from the bright light. A rescuer pokes his head in and yells back to the others that there are survivors; a cheer goes up. The three are told that the tornado was an E-5, and that they’re the first survivors to be found, undoubtedly because the restaurant was so well constructed.
EXT. RESTAURANT – LATE AFTERNOON
They meekly exit and find out the front door and its “closed for today” sign is nowhere to be seen; a rescuer says because the tornado was so powerful, the door is probably a mile away. When asked if anyone else is downstairs, they don’t answer and walk away, staring straight ahead. Puzzled, the rescuer goes downstairs, sees Frank’s body, and then races back up with a look of horror and astonishment. A paramedic tries to get a closer look at Scott’s head wound; Scott rebuffs him. As the first responders clap and cheer on either side, Scott, Josh and Linda ignore them and continue walking, eyes wide, their expressions grave, fully aware they will soon be arrested for Frank’s murder.
Fade Out
The End
-
Internal Character Depth: Frank, restaurant owner, late 50’s
Motivation: Restaurant owner who needs to complete an inventory of his restaurant’s supplies right away to satisfy his insurance company.
Secret: Illegally converted an emergency egress in the basement to an employee washroom, believing that would be much more useful.
Wound: Has COPD that he tries to keep hidden and under control.
Layers: He’s too easygoing and now too physically weak to take command of the dilemma they face, making him an easy target for blame.
Conflict: In his weakened state, finds it difficult to defend his previous actions by standing up for himself.
Intrigue: Had posted on the restaurant’s website that the restaurant was closed that day, and had sent out an email blast to all their regular customers reminding them of the closure. That- along with “Closed For Today” sign on the restaurant door, means it’s possible no one knows the four of them are trapped in the basement of the “closed” restaurant.
Character Situation: He’s finding it harder and harder to breathe in the basement as they run out of air, and faces the ire of the employees when they discover there could have been an easy way out.
Dilemma: Shortly after they’re trapped in the basement, realizes his life-saving medicine was left upstairs.
Internal Character Depth: Scott, head waiter, late 20’s
Motivation: One of the few who knows about Frank’s COPD, he volunteers to help with the inventory as a favor to Frank.
Secret: He had a relationship with Linda that ended because she wasn’t as ambitious as he is.
Wound: Wishes Linda was as goal-driven as he is, but knows that’s not going to happen.
Layers: With Frank in a weakened state, assumes the unofficial role of leader as the four of them try to find a way out of the basement.
Conflict: Fights primarily with Josh, who chips away at Scott’s optimism as time goes by.
Dilemma: His plan to knock on the debris covering the staircase to attract rescuers doesn’t seem to be working, and he starts to have self-doubts.
Internal Character Depth: Linda, mid 20’s
Motivation: Like Scott, knows about Frank’s COPD and only wants to help.
Wound: Still desires Scott, but understands he wanted someone as ambitious as himself.
Subtext: She doesn’t know what she wants out of life, and is easily swayed.
Conflict: Defends Frank’s actions that put them in the danger they face, but is the first to be swayed by Josh that Frank is to blame, which ultimately sways Scott as well.
Internal Character Depth: Josh, chef, late 20’s
Motivation: A malcontent who’s convinced he should be celebrated as a chef and wealthy as a result, he resents being an unknown cook at an average restaurant with average wages, and constantly fights with others to convince them he deserves much more.
Secret: He has no genuine empathy for anyone.
Wound: Attracted to Linda, resents the relationship she had with Scott.
Intrigue: Once he discovers that Frank altered the construction plans and eliminated their means from escape from the basement, plots to convince others that Frank must be punished, perhaps even killed.
-
Mark Wakely’s Budget
What I learned doing this assignment is how to reduce a movie budget to make it attractive to low-budget movie producers
Contained screenplay title: E-5
MAIN VARIABLES
Number of Locations: One. Interior and exterior of a restaurant with a basement and a small employee washroom.
Expensive locations: None.
Number of characters: Four. Could be cut down to three but some dynamics between characters would be lost.
Special effects: The sound of a tornado and debris blocking a basement staircase. The debris could be from a construction or demotion site, or props fashioned to look authentic. Same with a falling floor joist- it would need to be a lightweight prop since it strikes a character, resulting in a bloody facial injury.
Number of pages: No more than 90.
Crowd scenes: A few first responders at the very end, but most could be heard and not seen.
Stunts, Chase scenes, and Fight scenes: One character pushes another.
Special sets: None.
SECONDARY VARIABLES
Rights to music, brands, books, etc.: None.
Explosions and Firearm: None.
Kids — shorter work days, tutor on the set: None.
Animals – need a wrangler, more time to shoot, Humane Society: None.
Weather — Rain, snow, wind, tornados: A tornado heard from the basement where the four characters are but not seen. Could be just a powerful fan to blow minor debris around as the characters take shelter under the stairs.
Water and underwater scenes: None.
Night scenes: None.
Helicopters, aircraft, drone shots: None.
Green screen work: None.
Extensive Make-up: Characters look tired, sweaty and disheveled by the end.
Archival Footage: None.
Anything else dangerous that increases preparation time and/or Insurance: None.
For a quadrupled budget:
We see the tornado approaching and destroying the restaurant in addition to the characters hearing/feeling it in the basement.
One or more A-list actors.
A large cast of first responders with multiple rescue vehicles in the final scene.
-
Mark Wakely’s Writes Great Hope/Fear!
What I learned doing this assignment is how to put the audience on a satisfying roller coaster of emotions.
Act 1:
Hope: The restaurant inventory will go smoothly
Threat: There’s a tornado warning
Fear: The restaurant will be hit by the tornado
Hope: The storm will pass
Hope: If not, the basement will protect them. There’s a basement washroom as well.
Danger: The tornado hits the restaurant
Act 1 turning point: Although they’re uninjured, there’s no way out of the basement
Act 2:
Danger: They can’t lift the debris to free themselves.
Danger: Their cellphones don’t work
Fear: They’re going to die from starvation, heat and/or lack of fresh air
Hope: Knocking on the debris covering the staircase might attract rescuers
Fear: The rescuers might think the building was unoccupied since it was closed and not search for them.
Danger: The restaurant owner left his medicine upstairs
Hope: They’ll be rescued before the owner dies from not having his medicine
Act 2 turning point: There’s no immediate response to their knocking so it’s uncertain if help will arrive in time to save the owner, who is unable to help with their plan
Act 3:
Danger: The employees are getting tired and frustrated, threatening their unity
Fear: They will all stop trying to be rescued
Danger: The chef refuses to help, burdening the other two employees with the task of knocking for help.
Hope: Two of the employees keep knocking for help, despite their frustration
Act 3 turning point: The chef discovers that the waitress he’s attracted to and the waiter trapped with them were once in a relationship, enraging him. He also discovers the owner’s construction plans for the building, which show that the washroom was meant to be a staircase for emergency egress.
Act 4:
Fear: There’s little hope they’ll be rescued
Danger: They start to turn on each other instead of working together to save themselves
Danger: A floor joist falls, striking the waiter and waitress
Hope: Although injured, they survive
Danger: The chef convinces the waiter and waitress that the owner is solely responsible for their injuries and impending deaths
Danger: The three of them, paranoid from fatigue and enraged, stab the owner to death
Act 4 turning point: Rescuers arrive after all. They are the only survivors found because the building construction was so solid. A first responder finds the owner’s body. The three employees wordlessly walk away knowing they’ll soon be arrested for murder.
-
Mark Wakely’s 4 Act Structure
What I learned doing this assignment is to keep the twists and turns coming to maintain audience interest.
Note: I took my inspiration for this screenplay from the novel Lord of the Flies, which- even though it takes place on an island- is also a contained story.
Concept: A tornado destroys a restaurant, trapping three employees and the restaurant owner in the basement.
Main Conflict: They need to find a way out before they die from starvation, the heat and/or lack of fresh air.
Act 1:
Opening: Three employees and the restaurant owner gather in the closed restaurant to start an inventory of supplies. Tornado sirens are sounding.Inciting Incident: They start the inventory in the basement where the supplies are stored and there’s an employee washroom, knowing they’ll be safe there from the storm.
Turning Point: The tornado destroys the restaurant, trapping them in the basement.
Act 2:
New plan: They decide they need to attract the attention of any rescuers outside. Their cellphones don’t work.
Plan in action: The three employees take turns knocking on the debris covering the basement staircase.
Midpoint Turning Point: The restaurant owner reveals that he left his medication upstairs. Without it, he could die. They also realize the rescuers might think the building was unoccupied and not search for them.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Hungry, hot, tired and paranoid, they begin finding fault with one another, particularly the restaurant owner.
New plan: The restaurant chef decides it’s hopeless to keep trying to attract rescuers and refuses to help. The remaining two employees resent it.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The chef discovers that the waitress he’s attracted to and the waiter trapped with them were once in a relationship, enraging him. He also discovers the owner’s construction plans for the building, which show that the washroom was meant to be a staircase for emergency egress.
Act 4:
Final plan: Convinced that they’re doomed, they drop all pretense of civility and begin to openly fight.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: A floor joist falls, injuring the waiter and waitress. The three employees confront the restaurant owner, blaming him for their predicament. They each stab him in a fit of rage. He dies.
Resolution: Rescuers arrive. The tornado was an E-5. They’re the first survivors to be found because the restaurant was so well built. As the first responders clap and cheer, the three employees ignore them and somberly walk away.
-
Mark Wakely’s Delivering Multiple Layers!
What I learned doing this assignment is that multiple layers add surprise and intrigue to your story, keeping the audience engaged throughout.
The location for the story holds only one layer/surprise: it was meant to have been constructed differently, which would have prevented the dilemma the characters are in.
Character Layers –
Surface Layer: They’re a team that seemingly works together well.
Beneath That: Each character has aspirations that differ from their assigned roles. One character has no aspirations, just barely concealed bitterness.
How Revealed: The dilemma they face encourages them to open up about who they really are, putting them at odds with one another. Two of them have a secret relationship the others were unaware of, causing the bitter character jealousy and anger. The fourth character harbors a secret of something he did years earlier that put them all in the danger they face, something discovered by the bitter character entirely by accident, who then conspires to turn the other two against the fourth character and seek revenge.
-
Mark Wakely’s Character Journey!
1. What I learned doing this assignment is to ensure the characters contribute to the story to the fullest extent possible.
2. All four characters share the same beginning, turning point and midpoint. The dilemma they share occurs almost immediately.
Beginning: The characters are getting along amiably, despite a potentially serious situation brewing.
Turning Point: The characters are forced to take immediate action to save themselves from imminent danger.
Midpoint: The characters realize their situation is seemingly hopeless and begin to turn on each other.
Character #1: Middle-aged male.
Turning Point 2: Something illegal he did years ago is discovered, something responsible for their shared dilemma.
3rd Act Climax: He finally admits to the wrongdoing, as well as other infractions.
Ending: He is killed by the other three characters in anger, who blame him for their seemingly hopeless dilemma. (Final twist: it wasn’t hopeless.)
Character #2: Male, late 20’s.
Turning Point 2: Discovers the illegal act the middle-aged character did that contributed to their shared dilemma.
3rd Act Climax: Manipulates the other two characters against the middle-aged man after a near-fatal accident caused by their shared dilemma.
Ending: Last to attack the middle-aged man, who’s already dead.
Character #3: Male, late 20’s.
Turning Point 2: Initially a defender of the middle-aged man, has his doubts after the discovery of the man’s illegal action.
3rd Act Climax: Is nearly killed by accident due to the dilemma they’re in and turns completely against the middle-aged man.
Ending: He’s the first one to attack the middle-aged man despite having defended him early on.
Character #4: Woman, late 20’s.
Turning Point 2: Also has her doubts about the middle-aged man when the illegal act is discovered.
3rd Act Climax: In love with Character #3, she’s horrified when she sees the Character #3 nearly die, and immediately turns against the middle-aged man.
Ending: She’s the second one to attack the middle-aged man, striking the fatal blow.
-
Mark Wakely’s Character Depth!
What I learned doing this assignment is that your character’s profiles (motivation, secrets, wounds, etc.) can conflict in such a way as to heighten tension and make the story more dynamic despite the limited locations.
-
Mark Wakely's Right Characters!
What I learned doing this assignment is the need to create compelling characters who are the right ones for the story hook and keep the audience engaged.
The characters I created for my story hook are the right ones because even though there appears to be harmony among them at first, an unexpected, deteriorating situation brings out their true nature, which creates even more conflict and tension leading up to a shocking twist at the end.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by
-
Mark Wakely’s Great Hook!
A. How did this process work for you?
It forced me to focus on creating a unique place and situation that leads to strong emotions and decisive actions by the characters.
B. What did you learn doing this assignment?
That contained scripts can keep the audience engaged by focusing on the drama of the situation and the solutions the characters come up with to solve the dilemma they find themselves in.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by
-
Mark Wakely
What I learned is that contained scripts don't limit you as a writer.
PART 1:
An unarmed, out of state police officer must risk his life to thwart thieves disguised as terrorists from robbing a vault in a corporate skyscraper and killing all their hostages.
PART 2:
TITLE: Die Hard
AS THEY DID IT:
1. Locations – airport, limousine, in and around a corporate skyscraper, police car, terrorist van, TV studio, by front door of a hostage’s house, inside military helicopter.
2. People – large group of hostages, handful of terrorists, limo driver, multiple firemen, police, S.W.A.T. members and FBI,
3. Stunts – Gunfire and explosions, crashing helicopter, Hans Gruber’s epic fall.
4. Extras – Only a few
5. Wardrobe – Business wear and first responder uniforms.
CONTAINED VERSION:
1. Locations – In and around the corporate skyscraper.
2 People – John McClane, fewer hostages (all highly paid upper-level management), fewer first responders.
3. Stunts: gunfire and explosions, Gruber’s fall seen only from the outside (a mannequin like in the movie The Fugitive).
4. Extras – None.
5. Wardrobe – Same as before, just fewer.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by
-
Mark Wakely
I agree to the terms of this release form
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by
-
Mark Wakely
Four scripts
Want to create a script that can be inexpensively produced
I have two award-winning published novels, An Audience for Einstein and A Friend Like Filby.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Mark Wakely.
-
This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by